#but when i do i have to be a huge annoyance to get people together to watch it and then no one gives a fuck
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#vent#everyone treats me differently#like idk its so frustrating to see everyone interact a certain way#they all reccomend each other games and music and movies and shows and then go and actually act on those#but not with me#everyone gives me this weird look and nods until i stop talking and then never go and fucking engage with it#when someone else likes a movie everyone wants to watch it to talk to them about it#but when i do i have to be a huge annoyance to get people together to watch it and then no one gives a fuck#idk like it gets to me so much because no matter how hard i try or how enthusiastic I am or how well i sell something or how i talk about it#like no one treats me fairly#like everyone acts like im some fucking weirdo#like im sorry im into weird shit you dont like#sorry that the music i listen to is classical and you dont wanna listen to it#sorry that I watch foreign films that sound weird and dumb to you#sorry that I watch TV thats too long and boring#and it frustrates me#because everyone gets so personally offended when i say 'i dont want to watch or listen to this'#BUT WHEN I TALK ABOUT STUFF NO ONE CARES#like everyone and their mom is telling me i HAVE to watch arcane because its suchhhh a good show its so good and i HAVE to watch it#doesnt matter if i want to doesnt matter if i dont think it looks interesting no i HAVE to and if i dont im some kind of rude idiot#but when I talk about The Bear#well then its a different story because i dont think id like to watch a show about a restaurant#it all just leads back to the way that i feel like im always an outsider and i always will be an outsider#im lonely. and im going to be lonely#forever#and thats some immutable part of me because everyone fucking hates me
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Could you do a giselle dom pervy step sister(female reader) smut where they don’t like each other at first but ig giselle found a way to turn that hatred into them fucking in secret while their parents are in the house
ANONNNN!!! YOUR MIND!!!! I've been thinking ab this ask for WEEKS and I finally have time to write about it omg obsessed
content - stepcest, blackmail, smut (pervy!giselle, cunnilingus, fingering, face sitting, squirt, voyeurism/public(?) sex)
wc - 2739
a/n - catching up slowly but surely on asks, I have no school this week so imma try my best!
you never really warmed up to giselle.
you never really WANTED to ever warm up to her. she was mean, annoying, obnoxious, and greedy. I mean, how fucking self-centered do you have to be to make your baby stepsis call you by another name because she "doesn't deserve to call me by my real name" as giselle had said. what infuriated you was how pretty she was too. someone who was such a bitch shouldn't get the benefit of being attractive, especially since aeri knew and definitely used it to her advantage. whether it be to the people around her like friends, classmates, teachers, or even your parents, she finessed them like no one's business.
but she could never trick or fool you. you were a challenge to her, and it pissed her off not getting what she wanted. giselle HATED your guts. you were smart, sweet, cute, and generous, traits she simply was not. she hated how your guys' parents eyes' would light up in excitement when you came to them with an academic achievement, looking at you with admiration and love, eyes that would look at aeri with annoyance and disappointment.
aeri's not stupid, she knows why she's disliked, but she doesn't really care. it only really started to affect her seeing YOU be soooo liked by them. she simply hated you because you weren't easy, and you hated her because she saw everyone as easy. though, however much it upset you, it upset her to a degree you couldn't even imagine. she had to win the invisible game, and she was going to get her way with you, one way or another. so she devised a plan, which was to put simply, blackmail.
one day when you were gone at school, she set up a secret camera in your room facing your bed. she laid back on the living room couch in content, watching you come home from school, shooting each other a painfully fake greeting, before you ascended upstairs to your room. during nightfall, you would of course, fulfill your physical desires while everyone was asleep in the house, unaware of the recording device from across the room. and in the morning when you left, your wicked stepsis would sneak back in to retrieve the footage, playing it back and giggling to herself, knowing this would ruin you.
giselle's sweet baby stepsis, a sexual deviant during the after hours, shoving a huge dildo into her pussy to force multiple orgasms from her own body.
aeri was giddy with joy, now owning what single-handedly would win her the upper hand. the day continued as normal, but as you were about to go to sleep, there was a knock at your door. you rolled your eyes when you opened it to find a smug aeri, her phone in her hand with a play button over a still image of you in your room. your eyes shift between her and her phone confused before she pushes you inside and shutting the door behind her.
"what the fuck is that aeri?"
she huffs and sits comfortably at the end of your bed, "first of all, it's giselle to you, don't forget. second, how 'bout I show you?"
playing the video on max volume, your muffled moaning erupting from the small screen, watching a video of yourself masturbating. your ears ring and your cheeks flush, pouncing onto the older girl and trying to tear the phone away from her. your older stepsis is far stronger than you and easily you get overpowered, her hands pinning your wrists together and against the bed, her legs straddling either side of your lap.
with one large hand gripping your wrists together and the other hand hovering the still playing video against your face, she smirks, "what? shy? you weren't so shy last night when you were shamelessly fucking yourself, now were you? hm, y/n-ie? my sweet little sister?"
you grit your teeth and shake your head back and forth to deny the accusation, as if it weren't true. her dark chuckle fills your ears and the room, joined with the loud squelching of your pussy coming from the video. you feel tears start to well in your eyes and you plead with her.
"unnie, please... delete that!"
she coos at you, "awww sweetie, you think I'm that easy? not without a price, I won't."
you continue to plea in a desperate voice, "unnie please! I'll do anything! just please, delete it, or don't share it! anything you want!"
her lips curl into a sinister smirk that you can see even in the dark. you feel your heart drop to your stomach at the thought of what she must've suddenly imagined, immediately regretting your choice of words. before you could even consider opening your mouth to take back what you said, aeri drops the phone and covers your mouth.
"anything huh? will you behave for unnie and do anything I want?"
you debate shaking your head no, but when you hear a particularly loud moan come from the video playing next to your ear, you nod your head yes.
"good girl, you may be stubborn but you're not stupid. a little bit dumb for your choice of words though," she hums above you and trails the hand over your mouth downwards, dragging her long slim fingers across your sensitive body, jerking with every inch of contact she makes.
you whine as her fingers circle your hardening nipples and pinch them between her fingertips, giggling at how your body reacts to her touch.
"sensitive little baby, aren't you y/n-ie? fuck you're so cute, you shouldn't be so fucking cute."
aeri hated how much she was enjoying this almost as much as you did. she hated how cute her little sis was, writhing under her, eyes welling with tears in fear, body reacting to every subtle brush, thighs rubbing themselves together to suppress the ache at her core. and you hated it too, you hated that your older sister made you feel so fucking good, how her touch ignited flames in your stomach, how you panted into the air the more intimate her touch became, how you anticipated and needed more when you realized how disgusting this all was.
you both hated it, but you both couldn't get enough.
looking up into giselle's eyes at the same time she looked into yours, locking onto one another and gazing into lustfilled stares, the tension filling the air. the hatred boiled over and morphed into a new emotion, desire. a compromise emerged, and mentally, you both knew what it was. it all felt too good to want to stop, so you gave in.
leaning up and smashing your lips against aeri's, her immediately pushing back into you, pressing you down into your mattress. sloppy wet kisses loud and echoing through the room, both your moaning filling your ears and drowning out any possibility for moral dilemmas to pierce your mind. the hand pinning your wrists down, traveling up to hold your hand, interlacing her fingers through one and letting the other one go.
you let your free hand shoot into her hair, pulling her closer into you and shoving your tongue into her mouth, eliciting a whine to escape giselle's throat, accepting the intrusion. her other hand finds your thigh and brings it up, wrapping your leg around her waist and grinding her hips against your clothed core, making you both groan out into each other's mouths.
"fuck, you're good. why are you good?" she moans into your mouth.
"I'm not- a fucking- amateur." you pant out between kisses.
"yeah? then tell me, has anyone else made you feel this good?"
she questions, almost as a challenge, and you're scared to answer knowing it's just another piece of blackmail to hang over your head. you both already know the truth, obvious by your hips rutting back against her, your sweat dripping down your forehead, neck, and chest, your core aching with need, and your eyes blown to oblivion.
"fuck you," you answer instead.
she chuckles lowly again, the tone and vibration in your mouth when she does it making your pussy throb between your legs.
"not before I fuck you."
flipping you over and onto your hands and knees, tearing your shorts and panties off, throwing them to the ground. she wastes no time shoving your legs apart and licking along your leaking slit, making you moan out and bury your head into your pillows.
"you're so fucking sick, do you know that? being so wet and horny for your unnie like this, you disgusting little whore."
giselle says as if she's not soaked in her own clothes, nipples hard and hole clenching around air. she feels so powerful, so in control, and it feels so good to have you whining under her. sticking her tongue out and getting to work immediately, dragging her wet muscle greedily and swiftly against your pussy, drinking in all of your slick. muffling your moans into your pillows and clawing at your sheets hard enough to rip them.
her strong grip on both of your legs forcing you to keep them apart, slapping your ass every so often and making you scream out into the pillow. her tongue moves around your core so fucking good, alternating between sucking and flicking at your clit to thrusting and licking inside of your cunt, the sounds unbearably sinful and delightful to especially aeri's ears. she's drunk, on the taste and feel of your pussy, the way your body reacts, and the muffled cries being torn from your mouth.
she closes her eyes and relishes in your delicious juice swishing around her mouth, moaning into your pussy at how fucking good it feels to have you like this. her core aches and throbs so painfully, she clenches her thighs to hold it in. she lands another slap on your ass before shoving three fingers into you, already starting with an unforgivable pace, curling them and finding that spot in you easily. you scream and claw at the sheets, almost assuredly knowing your pillow wasn't muffling your cries anymore, not like either of you cared. aeri was going insane and felt herself becoming more and more addicted to you. addicted to ruining you, addicted to having power over you, addicted to owning you.
with the arch of your back and body stilling, you gush cum all over your stepsister's face, thighs trembling and chest heaving, moans slipping out of your mouth like a waterfall, your pussy mimicking the motions of one too. giselle drank all of it, everything, licking all over your leaking cunt and wiping her face of it too, sucking her fingers dry to not leave a single drop wasted.
she didn't even let you rest as she flipped you over onto your back, quickly stripping of her pajamas and lingerie, before climbing up to your face, her thighs resting on both sides of your head.
"use your tongue for something useful, pervy slut."
pfft, hypocrite.
she gives you no time to respond or think before shoving her fat pussy into your mouth which you immediately start to drag your tongue all over, coating it in her slick. your hands grip her juicy thighs and you dig your nails into them, her wincing above you and gripping the headboard with one hand, the other hand in her mouth to muffle her sounds.
you never rip your eyes away from her face for even a second, obsessed with how much sheer pleasure rests on giselle's face, her mouth biting down on her hand, her eyebrows furrowed in concentration, and eyes clamped shut. your nose hits her clit repeatedly with your tongue buried deep inside her cunt, flicking it to stimulate inside her tight walls. she tastes so fucking divine, cum directly entering your mouth and your spit drooling out the sides of your lips.
her hips quicken and she fully rests her weight on your face which makes you delighted, drinking her up and pulling her in, suffocating between her thighs. not that it mattered, you loved it. you couldn't breathe but you pushed through, thrusting your tongue in her and maneuvering her hips as her clit hit the tip of your nose.
"drink my squirt you little bitch, take it! don't waste a drop! fuck!"
she demands you as she cums in your mouth, her pussy squirting onto your tongue. her thighs shake in your hands and you close your eyes to avoid squirt getting in them. you feel like your drowning in the sheer amount of liquid coming from aeri's pussy, but you obey your sister, drinking everything that slides down your throat. she finally calms down and you tap on her thighs in a panic, literally not able to breathe. she laughs above you and stays there, watching color drain from your face before she lifts herself up, watching you cough and gasp for air.
"sick fuck," she says before smashing her lips against yours' and digging her tongue into your mouth again.
suddenly, she pulls away and gets dressed, picking up her phone and waving at you with that infuriating smirk on her face as she opens the door and leaves, "see you again, baby sis!"
and from then on that's when it started, fucking your step sister in secret. at first it was only at night, every night since the first time. then it progressed to whenever your parents were out of the house, fucking on the couch in the living room, on the kitchen island, in the shower, in each other's rooms. at some point, she started to get more flirty with you, her touches lingering for too long when she held your hips in the kitchen to move past you or sliding her hands up your shirt when she'd greet you with a hug when you came home from school, whispering an "I missed you" into your ear, her breath against it making a shiver go down your spine, which always drove you insane.
at some point though, giselle couldn't give less of a fuck if your parents were home or not, she just wanted to fuck you. your family would be having a movie night in the living room and you'd go to the kitchen to get more snacks, the older girl following you to "help." then she'd pin you to the kitchen counter and slip her fingers down your underwear, dipping them into your already wet pussy.
"really y/n-ie? you're fucking wet? were you eye fucking me all night that you couldn't help yourself get horny? let me help you with that baby."
she would whisper breathily into your ear before fingering you right then and there, you clutching the popcorn bag in your fingers and biting down on your lip, trying so hard not to moan and get caught, thankful the movie was loud enough.
or during a dinner party WITH YOUR RELATIVES, she would "accidentally" drop a spoon on the ground and go to retrieve it, only to separate your thighs and trail a long tortuous lick across your exposed pussy, aeri having demanded you to wear nothing under. you're suddenly gripping your utensils and coughing on the food in your mouth, acting like it went down your throat wrong. your sister climbing back up from under the table with a lost spoon and a smile.
and of course, she fingered you under the dining table that night too, your face red and physically incapable of eating for about twenty minutes, clutching her forearm as you came around her fingers in front of everyone. you had bit down on your lip so hard, blood had started dripping down your chin and onto your dress, excusing yourself to clean up. panting out of breath in your room and ripping the dress off of you, your sister following behind you and pinning you to your bed with a smirk.
"that was impressive baby, you were able to keep in all those delicious moans huh? well, don't you dare fucking keep them in now, they can't hear you from here, and we're not even close to finished."
smashing her lips against your blood stained ones, the taste of metal filling her mouth.
and while you're not sure if you're starting to like your sister or not, you definitely start getting used to it (maybe obsessed).
a/n - the other night when I was looking at this ask, I suddenly had the urge to write a "rich girl aeri x reader fic where they both fucking despise each other and are just rich bitches until one night they both break from all the sexual tension and fuck in the back of aeri's car" fic... I'll get to work-
#ffos reqs#aespa#giselle#aespa giselle#aeri#aeri uchinaga#aespa x reader#aespa smut#aespa fanfic#giselle fanfic#giselle smut#kpop gg#fanfiction#kpop#girl group smut#giselle x reader#girl group#girl group fanfic#karina#winter#ningning
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pairing: mingyu x reader
word count: 3k
warnings: kissing, swearing, Mingyu being a simp
Author’s Note: this fic is part of the Thirteen Valentines event, but can be read as a standalone! also, i would suggest listening to the song listed below to get a feel for the vibe of the fic, but it’s not necessary. (Also, this fic in particular references the iconic 1987 film Some Kind of Wonderful, but I think I explained it well enough for someone who may not have seen it! However, if you haven’t seen it… Watch it. In my opinion, it tops all of those “must-see” movies like Sixteen Candles, etc. I adore this movie. The OG friends-to-lovers.)
nothin’ on you by b.o.b., bruno mars
they might say hi
and i might say hey
but you shouldn’t worry about what they say
’cause they’ve got nothing on you, babe
You groan as the doorbell rings, your eyes finding the time on your phone. You’d just settled in with your bunny pajamas and your rattiest, biggest, comfiest sweater, and you really don't want to move now. What you want is to disappear into the couch that you’d spent way too much money on, under your favourite blanket, and mindlessly scroll through social media videos of cats for hours while pretending you aren't perpetually single on the holiday of love.
As much as you try to ignore it, the ringing only becomes more persistent, mixed with obnoxious, intermittent knocking. You groan again and stand up, making your way over to the door in annoyance. There are only a handful of people who would dare to be so irritating — Soonyoung if he wanted food, Chan if he wanted to show you a new dance routine, or…
“Mingyu?”
“Hi,” he says brightly, and your brain short circuits. He looks as wonderful as always, black hoodie and sweats, eyes warm as he waits for you to reply like a normal human.
You know that the right answer would be a greeting in response, but all you can think to say instead is, “It’s Valentine’s Day?” When Mingyu’s face falls a little bit, you hurry to explain yourself. “I mean… Do you not have plans?”
Admittedly, that response isn’t much better, but you genuinely don't know the answer to your own question. You had just assumed that he did have plans — you hadn’t even considered the possibility of him being alone today, honestly. You hadn’t really wanted to think too much about it. It wasn’t like it’d be hard for funny, kind, Adonis-among-men Mingyu to find a date. All he had to do was smile at any man or woman in his general vicinity and they’d be under his spell.
You know first hand what that feels like.
Your best friend showing up at your door on February 14th has replayed a thousand times in your brain. You’ve been head over heels in love with him for years now. The fantasy usually consists more of him in a tuxedo holding a huge bouquet of roses, proclaiming his love for you before kissing you passionately, but you can’t deny that you like this casual, tuxedo-less Mingyu just as much — if not more. He’s just… Mingyu. Soft and warm in that hoodie that you love, holding a box of your favourite pizza in one hand, a bag of who knows what else in the other.
“Do you not want me here?” He pouts, and you cave.
You sigh, but a smile makes its way to your face regardless. “Of course I do, Gyu. I just thought you had plans, that’s all.”
“I do,” he counters. “With you.”
You ignore the flutter in your stomach at his words, ignore the soft smile he sends your way when you move aside to let him in. “Alright, then… Let’s be single as hell on Valentine’s Day, together.”
Mingyu beams, stepping past you and into the apartment.
“Movie?” He suggests as he slips off his shoes and immediately makes his way to the kitchen with the pizza. You hear the sound of cupboards opening and closing as he makes his way around with ease, like he knows where everything is like the back of his hand. Because he does. Your heart stutters a bit in your chest at the reminder of how well he fits into your life, how well he knows your apartment.
He knows you pretty well, too, which is actually a big part of the reason you’re so surprised that he’d shown up today.
Because anyone who knows you knows that you’re in love with Kim Mingyu. Even new people who spend just five minutes with the two of you can tell, and you’re basically a pro at dismissing the couple questions by now. It seems the entire world can tell you’re head over heels except for the man himself, and you really don’t understand how he seems to have absolutely no clue. If he did, you don’t think he’d be so cruel as to suggest spending Valentine’s Day together.
And yet here he is, moving around your house like it’s his house, too.
He has no idea, you remind yourself. He’s just alone on Valentine’s Day, and he likes spending time with you. That’s all.
You busy yourself setting up in the living room, making room on your side table for the pizza and whatever else he’d brought. You catch sight of yourself in the reflection of the TV and grimace. Theoretically, you’re both dressed casually, so you shouldn’t feel underdressed for this impromptu hangout. But in reality, Mingyu looks better than everyone else all the time, no matter what he’s wearing. He reappears a few moments later looking every bit the part of an athleisure model with the pizza box, a bottle of wine, and a box of your favourite chocolates in hand.
“A heart-shaped box of Lindt?” You can’t help but blurt out. It isn’t unlike Mingyu to bring your favourite snacks to movie night, but it’s Valentine’s Day, and the chocolates are in a heart-shaped box.
“It was on sale,” he shrugs in response, settling down on the couch, and you want so badly to question the peculiar choice further. You don’t.
You hand him the remote, grabbing the blanket from where it had fallen on the floor at your abrupt departure from the couch while he puts a movie on. He seems to know exactly what he’s looking for, which is interesting considering he’s one of the most indecisive people you’ve ever met.
“What are we watching?” You ask. “Action? Thriller?”
Mingyu runs a hand through his hair, his other arm already outstretched for you to fall back against. You settle in next to him, pulling your knees up and draping the blanket over the both of you.
“I thought we could do something a bit different tonight,” he finally answers after a pause, and you look up at him in surprise.
“Like what?”
He simply nods his chin towards the TV, where the opening scenes of the movie he’s chosen are beginning to play. You recognize the title immediately: Some Kind of Wonderful.
Your heart leaps into your throat.
You’re not sure what to make of this. You’ve never seen the movie, but you know the premise of it: two best friends falling in love. This has to be a joke. You can’t help it as your entire body stiffens, and you tell yourself to relax.
You can’t.
“Why?” You finally blurt out. Your chest feels tight. You don’t know if you’re reading far too much into it, but when have you ever watched a romance movie together? You’ve expressly made sure that you didn’t.
“It’s Valentine’s Day,” Mingyu replies. “Thought it would be nice.”
You’re looking at him again, eyebrows knit together in confusion. He finally acknowledges you with raised eyebrows of his own, meeting your eyes briefly before motioning to the TV with his chin.
“Can you just watch it? It’s a good movie, I promise. Give it a chance.”
You nod slowly, doing as he asks, but you can barely focus for the next hour. Everything has been so strange; the movie choice, the way he’d shown up with wine and chocolate — all of which could have been excused, maybe, if it wasn't for the fact that Mingyu is acting strange, too. He’s normally so pliant against you during movie nights, so clingy. But tonight, despite your closeness on the couch, all he does is rest his arm loosely around your shoulders. No fingers tracing your skin, no pulling you against his side, no getting distracted by your hair and attempting to make a shitty braid with it. No maneuvering his own body so that he’s the one with his head in your lap. It feels like he’s holding his breath, like he’s waiting for something.
What in the world is going on?
It’s excruciating, but you try to focus. You’re almost there when the ending scene begins to play, but your whole body is still tense. You watch as the main characters, Keith and Watts, finally kiss in the middle of the street, and you think you can feel your heartbeat in your ears. You swear Mingyu has tensed up beside you, but you don’t take your eyes off of the screen as Keith finally speaks his confession.
“I’m sorry… I didn’t know.”
“Yeah, well, you’re stupid,” comes the words from Watts, and you suddenly feel tears pricking at the back of your eyelids. This all feels a little too real. Why did he put this on? What the fuck is Mingyu playing at?
“Why didn’t you tell me?” At Keith’s last words of dialogue from the screen, you feel Mingyu’s grip on your shoulder tighten.
“You never asked,” Watts replies, teasing, and you can’t take it anymore. You turn to your best friend, eyes wide, and he slowly moves to turn off the TV.
The atmosphere in the room has shifted dramatically, and you can’t look away from him, frozen. You can’t utter a single word. He’s picking at a piece of thread on his sweatpants, eyes downcast as he avoids your gaze.
It hits you like a brick, the reason why he’s being so strange. It’s because he’s nervous.
There’s no way.
A million thoughts race through your mind, a million reasons why going down this road could be a bad idea. But you have to ask — you have to know.
“Why didn’t you have plans tonight, Gyu?”
He meets your eyes again, and you can barely breathe. His gaze holds firm, intense, as he says, “Because I wanted to have plans with you.”
“On Valentine’s Day?” The insinuation of your words is clear, and you know that Mingyu understands exactly what you’re asking.
His eyes remain steady on yours as he replies, easily, “Yes.”
So simple. Certain. Sure.
You remind yourself to breathe, gathering all the courage that’s left in you to speak again. “‘Why didn’t you tell me?’”
You watch Mingyu’s face as you repeat the words from the movie, your voice trembling just the slightest bit. He’s really looking at you now, a soft smile on his face at your words, and your heart leaps into your throat. He’s stunning. He’s always stunning, but the way he’s looking at you right now has you feeling like you’re walking on air. His gaze is so warm, and you don’t want to look away from him ever again.
“‘You never asked.’”
“Neither did you.” Your words are your own now, and Mingyu nods, using the arm around your shoulders to pull you in against his chest. You flush as he draws you towards him, and you briefly wonder if you’re dreaming.
“You’re right.” He gazes down at you fondly, and your hand lifts tentatively to his jaw. He nuzzles into your fingers, turning to gently kiss your palm, and your eyes don’t leave his mouth. His free hand lifts to rest on top of yours, before he softly runs his fingers down your arm and up to your shoulder, your neck, your face.
“‘I knew you were stupid’,” you quote cheekily from the movie script again. Mingyu’s lips break into a wide smile as he lets out a surprised laugh, canines on full display as he beams.
Then he’s using his whole body to pull you into him, silencing your own giggles with a kiss.
Your breath is caught in pleasant surprise, and you can feel him smiling against your mouth. You’re impressed with how quickly you’re able to respond after your brain factory resets, the feeling of his lips on yours stunning you for only a moment before you react. Your fingers find the hair at the nape of his neck, tugging softly and earning a pleased hum from him. His teeth gently sink into your lower lip in retaliation, and you can feel your entire body react to it. His hands find your hips, helping move you so that you’re in his lap. All you can feel is him as he pulls you in closer and closer, kissing you like it’s all he’s ever wanted to do. He finally breaks away to kiss along your jaw, your neck, your shoulder, before moving to slowly press one final kiss at the base of your throat, and you can feel goosebumps spread across your skin at the featherlight touch.
“I love you,” he whispers softly, and you lower your chin to meet his eyes. You can’t help the giddy smile that’s broken out at his words, and you feel a bit like you’re soaring as he continues, “I’m in love with you. I really am, and I need you to know that.” His hands slide under the hem of your shirt, his fingers gently massaging the skin there, and your forehead falls to his.
“Mingyu…”
He hums, and you pull back to look at him, your fingers moving to softly trace every part of his face. You’ve long since committed him to memory, but one more time can’t hurt. He waits for a moment before he lets out a whine, burying his face into your collarbone.
“Stop looking at me like that.”
You let out a giggle. “Why?”
“Because I’m shy.”
You let out a snort, and Mingyu pulls away to pout up at you. Your fingers gently brush over his lips, his nose, his cheeks, and you can tell he wants to hide again, but he doesn’t.
“I love you too,” you say softly, and his pout is gone. “I have for a really long time now.”
He surges forward to press another kiss to your mouth, and you can’t help but gasp into it. You can tell he’s satisfied with himself as he smiles, pulling back just to say, “Guess we’re both stupid then, huh?”
You laugh, and you can almost feel the happiness radiating off of him as his arms fold around your back, pulling you back in and resting his head in the crook of your shoulder. Your hands move to wrap around his shoulders, your head softly falling to rest atop his.
“Oh my god,” you hear him mumble after a few moments of silence. You hum in question, and he moves to look up at you again. “I’m so excited to date you,” he says, his face full of genuine joy. You can feel yourself flush crimson as he continues, “I’m going to date you so hard. You can’t stop me. I’m going to hold your hand all the damn time, you have no idea.”
“I can’t fucking wait, boyfriend.”
A/N: thank you so much to everyone for all the love on the other fics so far :) Here’s the fifth of our Thirteen Valentines just in time for the holiday/Carat Day! Who better to celebrate with than Kim Mingyu himself? Special shoutout and dedication to the best girl @tae-bebe, who fell victim to the Mingyu enemies-to-lovers trope irl :) xx
Please please please reblog if you can to spread the word, and check out the Thirteen Valentines masterlist! If you want to be added to the taglist, send me a message :) Your kind comments and reblogs don’t go unnoticed, I promise.
Taglist: @waldau @wqnwoos @gyuminusone@savventeen @eoieopda @minisugakoobies @wheeboo @lvlystars@darkypooo @christinewithluv @bella-l (Strikethrough means it wouldn’t let me tag you, I’m sorry!)
#Mingyu fluff#mingyu angst#mingyu imagine#mingyu x reader#mingyu x you#seventeen fluff#seventeen angst#seventeen imagine#seventeen x reader#seventeen x you#My writing#thirteenvalentines#kmgfic
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・❥・Loser!Mizu Headcanons・❥・
𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟
Firstly, I'd like to apologize for how deranged this came out towards the end, so mdni pls pls. Secondly this is a Loser!Mizu x Rebel!Reader typa shit, so it will get specific at times. My requests are open, btw.
Okay, enjoy ˏˋ°•*⁀➷
I stand by the fact that Mizu would be a huge loser. Like girlie grew up not really interacting with anyone but her mother and Eiji and doesn't really like meeting new people (Ringo for example)
She'd get shy, and you can't change my mind. She'd blush a lot, especially on her nose. Blud turns into Rudolf the moment she's embarassed.
She'd be the type to dress like literal Adam Sandler, then try to casually pull her shirt's sleeve up to flex her muscles.
She'd say shit like "Oh, these? I dunno, they just...spawned here." All while knowing damn well she spends half of her life at the gym.
She'd still wear shades all the fucking time, but not to hide her eyecolor, but because she thinks it's cool, and because she mained Johnny Cage in mortal kombat.
She'd listen to corny ass music like Joji, Hozier, maybe Mitski or even The Front Bottoms and bop her head agressively. Then she'd deny the whole thing and say that she was listening to Playboy Carti or Drake.
She'd be in the basketball team, but would be horrible at teamwork. She wouldn't pass, she'd just go for it everytime. She'd miss 20% of the time, and then yell something like "It wasn't my fault, this bitch was breathing down my neck!" or just groan loudly out of annoyance.
She'd be very drawn to water. She'd visit the beach very frequently, but the local aquarium even more often.
Mizu was standing before a smaller aquarium, looking at the spotted, green fishes' quickly pacing around between the glass walls. She came here right after basketball practice, so she was quite sweaty, and tired but being here, for some reason, always charged her energy. Her hair was in it's usual bun, but her shades were now closed, and were hanging from the neck of her shirt. Her eyes were shining in the dim blue lighting as she slowly placed her fingers on the glass. Suddenly, she almost jumbed backwards when she finally realized someone was standing next to her. She turned her head to the side and saw you. It was fucking you. It could've been anyone else, but no. You.
You and Mizu had a couple classes together, and you were one of the most prettiest girls Mizu has ever seen. She saw you on campus a lot, smoking in the parking lot, yelling at one of the fratboys because he parked his dumb car in a way that your motorbike would get stuck next to it, or literally running from one of the professors. She never talked to you though. She never had the opportunity, or at least that's what she told herself. In reality, she was just a coward.
Bit still, she would be lying if she said your face hadn't popped up a couple times when she touched herself. There was just something about you that always caught her attention. You didn't know her, but she felt like she knew you. Everytime she had a basketball game, she looked for you in the crowd. You were rarely there, and even if you were, you'd leave halfway after throwing food at someone. Still, she'd do her best, trying to impress you, knowing damn well you won't give a shit.
"What?" You laugh right in her face. "Scared you? Or did the Discus' mesmerized you so much you forgot you were in public?" You say, turning your gaze to the fishes.
"E...excuse me?" Mizu manages to croak out, her eyes widening. Why are you talking to her like you two have been friends for years? It's not like she minds, but it sends her anxieaty flying. It's her first time actually talking to you, of course she's nervous. She has rehearsed this a couple times in her head, planning to quickly guide the conversation towards how good she'd be at beating people up, (because she knows how much you do that) but now that it's actually happening she's pissing her pants.
"The Discus. Rot Turkish Discus, to be specific. The fish you were drooling at." You press a finger against the glass. "Pretty cool ones, I'll give you that. They can change the pigment in their body if they're stressed or sick." You say, casually dropping a "by the way did you know" kind of fact. One she didn't know.
"Oh." Mizu looks back to the fishes, but actually she's just looking at your reflection in the glass. "You like fishes?" Great. Stupid ass question.
"Yeah, kinda." You shrug. "They're interesting, but I'm here because they have bugs on the second floor." You point up with a small, lazy grin. Mizu remembers that, but never went up there. Bugs were never really interesting to her, but...maybe today she will. She mentaly notes that you like bugs.
"Hm." Mizu hums back. "If you think about it," She starts, glancing at you to check if you're still paying attention. "Fish are kinda like...water bugs." She says, and even shrugs for good measure. She needs to look like she doesn't give a shit.
You let out a laugh. "What a genius." You roll your eyes. "There are actual water bugs though, but I'm willing to overlook that." You say, then walk past her to look at the next aquarium, and Mizu just follows you withouth even thinking about it. "Cichlid." You say, pointing at one of the pinkish fishes. Mizu realizes how little she actually knows about fishes eventhough she comes to this aquarium a lot. She just likes watching them. "A very pretty one at that too. Jewel Cichlid if I'm correct." You say, almost as if thinking out loud.
It's as if Mizu became mesmerized. She walked along you trhough the whole aquarium, then followed you upstairs to the bugs. She listened you naming all of them, then telling her fun facts like 'An ant-eating assassin bug piles its victims onto its body to scare predators' and 'Ticks can grow from the size of a grain of rice to the size of a marble'. You were someone who'd always caused trouble in school, saying it's all bullshit and how fucked the system is, but you were actually very educated. On animals, that is.
She never really cared about people being smart or not, but right now it was the most attractive thing ever.
And with that, you unintentionally ruined her life. She was fine-ish with having this little hallway-crush on you, but now that she actually interacted with you for two full hours, she's fully in love.
And somehow that makes her frustrated.
She'd walk with Ringo on campus, listening to him ramble about this new dish he cooked and how she should totally come over and rate it when you suddenly dash by her, probably escaping from some football player you made mad again. Mizu would freeze, then mutter "why the fuck is she so cool?!" under her breath and lightly punch Ringo on the shoulder.
You're so hot it makes her mad.
You two didn't really talk after that though, just casual greetings in the hallway, and sometimes sitting at the same table in the cafeteria, but that was it. Still, it was more that nothing.
One time you started a fight with one guy outside of the parking lot because "he dick rode a teacher while the teacher was making bitchass bigot jokes".
You left the guy with a broken nose, and would've made it a broken jaw too if someone wouldn't have stopped you.
Akemi recorded the whole thing, and Mizu needed to discreetly beg her to send it to her.
She couldn't help it. Seeing your sweaty form, your face scrunched up in anger, your knuckles blood stained...it wasn't enough to see it just once. She had to watch the video on loop.
She'd wonder if you'd make a similar face in bed too. She'd wonder if you're a top or bottom.
She'd wonder if you're even into girls at all. It seemed too good to be true though.
Still, watching that video over and over again made her mind wander.
"Fuck..." Mizu mumbles out as her fingers finally reach her folds under her boxers. With her phone in hand, the video of you beating the shit out of some guy playing, your huffs and groans on full volume in her headphones. She closes her eyes, and imagines you kneeling between her legs.
She had a long day. She argued with Taigen, listened to Akemi whine about this guy, Takayoshi, then Ringo kept talking about this boring ass anime he watched about a broke God, or whatever...plus, she didn't see you once today. She couldn't catch a whiff of your smell as you walked by, or she didn't hear your sharp and raspy chuckle, or saw your smug grin. Torture at it's finest.
Is she proud of it? Nah. It's embarassing as hell to masturbate to your crush who probably forgot you even existed, but hey, a girl has to blow of steam somehow, right? And you just couldn't leave her head. It gotten to the point where she can't even watch porn, unless one of the actresses look like you, which is...rare. You're too good looking to be compared to sluts like that.
She imagines that it's your hand that is slowly circling around her clit as you whisper in her ear. Things like "You're so warm...I can't wait to taste you" or "You want this as much as me, don't you? Mizu..." and it gets her to buck against her fingers.
She licks her lips as she imagines your pussy hovering over her mouth while you slowly finger her. She imagines your taste, and how'd you drip on her face before you allow her to dive in.
She'd eat. Oh, she'd devour.
She saw your ass in jeans before, and it made her clit throb in public, so she just knows it's perfect when it's bare. She quietly moans your name as her fingers work deeper, placing the phone down to only listen to the audio, her other (now free) hand moving up to tease her hard nipples through her shirt.
She slowly pumps her long fingers inside herself, her back arching on the bed. She whispers your name as she imagines you slowly lowering yourself on the strapon she has inside her drawer.
She doesn't know why she has that toy though. She has only ever been with one person, and that was a guy. It happened years ago, back when she was still in denial about her gayness, and when she was still living with her homophobic mom. But after she first masturbated to the tought of you, she impulsively bought the light teal strap on dildo, just in case you ever somehow ended up in bed. She'd fuck you just the way she imagines it right now (lies, btw, she'd freak out and cum after two seconds). But still, there's no harm in having dreams.
She'd watch your tits bounce as you ride her, her hands firmly grabbing your ass. You'd moan her name, hair falling in your face as you lose yourself in pleasure. "Fuck...so fucking pretty...loving my cock, aren't you?" Mizu coos into the air, her thumb circling her clit as her fingers move faster inside her, agressively curling into her g spot. "Yes...Mizu, it feels good..." You'd moan back as you throw your head back when she starts thrusting her hips upwards, fucking you from under, leaving you no choice but to lean on her for support, pushing your beautiful plump boobs so damn close to her lips.
She'd suck on your nipples until they're red and puffy while she brings you to your climax. You'd love her cock, she's sure. She got the one that was the same teal that was also the color of one of your bracelets. Small, almost stalker-sih detail? Yeah, but she imagines you'd be impressed.
Afterwards, she'd lay on her bed, staring up at the ceiling, post nut clarity hitting her hard. And the next day, she wouldn't even be able to look at you, withouth getting embarassed...and horny. Oh only if you could hold her for real.
#bes mizu#blue eye samurai#bes x reader#blue eye samurai mizu#blue eye samurai x reader#mizu x reader#fanfiction#mizu fanfic#bes smut#smut#bes headcanons#mizu blue eye samurai#mizu headcanons
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what comes after (zoro x fem!reader)
pure fluff! ft. zoro and sanji bickering and general strawhat antics. same reader in mind as my other zoro x reader fics, but they can all be read separately!
Pure bliss enveloped you as you drifted in and out of sleep on Zoro’s chest, afternoon sun dancing across your limbs. Quiet days sailing like this felt like heaven, with no worries in the world except for whatever antics Luffy would inevitably rope the crew into. You and Usopp were usually involved with helping Luffy concoct whatever silly game or activity he would impose on everyone else, but today the two of them had secretly decided to initiate a round of your least favorite game: bugging Zoro with questions while you both were trying to nap. You let out a sigh and try to roll off of Zoro’s chest as Luffy whines in his ear for him to wake up, but the hand he has tangled in your hair keeps you in place.
“What do you want?” he asks, voice raspy and with exhaustion dripping from every word.
Luffy rocks back and forth while sitting on top of a nearby crate, unable to keep still. “Zoro, what are you gonna do once you’re the World’s Strongest Swordsman?” You let out another small sigh, slightly irritated that you were both woken up for this, but you never quite had it in you to get mad at Luffy, especially when he had that goofy grin plastered across his face.
“I dunno. Probably sleep, like I’m trying to do now.” Zoro says with a grimace, shutting his eye and tightening his grip on your waist.
“C’mon, Zoro, there’s gotta be something you want to do!” Usopp protested, not willing to let the issue go so easily.
Zoro groans, and then lets out a huge yawn. You tilt your chin up to look at him, and catch him deep in thought, making your heart flutter and leaving you slightly spellbound. More alert than you were before, your stomach began to fill with nervous butterflies. The two of you had been together for a long time, and there was an understanding between you that you were both in it not just until death did you part, but whatever came after. However, you both took each day as it came, and dwelling on specifics of what your life together would look like once you achieved your dreams wasn’t something the two of you did often, if ever.
“A castle. I’ll buy a castle.” he finally says, causing Luffy to burst out in laughter, and Usopp to question why he had such a seemingly random desire, especially when he had expressed to the crew how much he hated getting lost in Mihawk’s castle during his two years training on Kuraigana.
“Mihawk has one.” he said matter-of-factly, “If I’m going to be the World’s Strongest Swordsman I probably need one too.”
“Castles are huge! You’re gonna make her clean all of those rooms?” Usopp asked, pointing at you. You and Zoro both scrunch your faces, annoyed by the implication.
“Just because she’s going to be my wife doesn’t mean that she’s going to clean my house. We’ll hire people for that.” Zoro says, eliciting a mixed bag of reactions from the crew ranging from more laughter to shock, to irritation.
“You’re not going to be hiring anyone while the two of you are both knee high in debt higher than your bounties!” Nami snapped, rolling her eyes, mainly directing her annoyance towards Zoro.
Sanji, on the other hand, had nearly dropped the tray of drinks he was carrying onto the deck. “Since when are you two engaged?” he spit out, nearly choking on the word.
“We’re not engaged yet, blondie—” you assure him with a cheeky smile, before Luffy shouts out another question to Zoro, completely drowning out your request to him for a glass of water.
"When you do get engaged, can we have a big banquet? With tons of meat?" he pleads.
You both nod, and Luffy cries out in happiness. "Why don't you two just get married right now? You love each other don't you? Plus I'm so hungry..."
"Too dangerous right now. We'll do it once you're the Pirate King." Zoro replies, hand around your waist tracing circles into your skin.
"Gives me more time to talk her out of it." Sanji mutters, earning him a glare from Zoro, and an amused smile from you.
“Who’s going to cook in this castle of yours?” Usopp asks, causing Luffy to perk up, his mind never able to leave the topic of food on the backburner for more than a few seconds.
“Him.” Zoro says, pointing at Sanji, a wicked smirk spreading across his face. “He’s going to be our butler.”
“Me?” the cook asks incredulously. “And why the hell would I do that for a moron like you?”
“Please, pervert cook, all I have to do is get her to bat her eyelashes at you and you’ll gladly do it for free.” the swordsman snaps back.
“No fair! Why do you get to take Sanji? I wanna take him with me!” Luffy whines. “I can’t cook on my own!”
“Zoro’s not an awful cook, y’know.” you chime in. “His food was good enough for Mihawk to eat.”
Zoro smiles at your praise, completely forgetting his idea of making curly-brows your personal servant. “Damn right it was.” He says, sending another smirk to Sanji. “Hear that? My cooking is good enough for the World’s Strongest Swordsman. What have you done?”
Sanji’s mouth nearly drops to the floor, becoming so heated he nearly catches on fire. “What have I done? How about what I do for you every single day, you miserable, ungrateful, moss-headed bastard?”
“What about you? What does our super painter want to do once she achieves her dream?” Franky asks you with a grin, ignoring Zoro and Sanji’s bickering.
“I’d like to live in a small cottage by the sea,” you say with a smile, “with tons of wildflowers swaying in the breeze on a patch of land big enough to build a studio with lots of natural light and a gym for Zoro to train in. And when we get restless, we can hop in a boat and drift to whatever island we land on first and drink until there’s no more booze left to sell us.”
Zoro’s fingers rake through your hair, a huge smile plastered on his face. “Forget the stupid castle. That’s what we’re doing.”
“How romantic!” Robin muses, giving you a sly smile.
“Until they die of cirrhosis at the age of thirty from heavy drinking.” Usopp says, causing Chopper to wail, and start to plead to Zoro’s deaf ears to stop drinking. Eventually, the crew ends up going back to their own business, the little reindeer settles into the hammock with you both, and the urge to sleep begins to take over once again.
“You’re too good for him, sunshine.” Sanji whispers in your ear as he returns to the kitchen.
Zoro’s eye cracks open. “Watch it, shitty cook, being our butler is still on the table.” he warns, snuggling both you and Chopper closer to his chest.
#zoro x reader#one piece x reader#x reader#zoro x you#roronoa zoro x reader#roronoa zoro x you#more fluff hehe
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Neglected
A househusband!Harry fic.
Summary: Harry has been feeling neglected and unappreciated by Y/N, and she doesn’t realize it.
Word count: 2.7k
Warnings: angst, smut (sub!harry, soft dom!reader)
A/N: I woke up at 4am one morning with the urge to write this. Also listened to Tolerate It by Taylor Swift for more inspo!
***
In all the years that Harry has been married to Y/N, he has never felt neglected by her. Sure, there have been instances where her schedule became too hectic for them to spend much time together, but even then, her love and appreciation for him could be felt through her actions.
Lately though, that hasn’t been the case.
Work has been stressing her out, he can discern that much. And while she has never been one to let work stress affect her personal relationships, this past week has brought out a different side to her. A side that makes him feel small and invisible.
When she comes home, it’s like she wants nothing to do with him. She heads straight upstairs, telling him she’ll be down for dinner later. During dinner, she’ll ask their daughter, Savannah, about her day but won’t ask him. After dinner, she’ll go back upstairs without acknowledging whether the food was good or not, even when he cooks her favourite dishes. He’ll wash up in the kitchen and go up to their bedroom to find her already asleep on her side of the bed—or pretending to be asleep, it seems at times. If he tries to cuddle up to her, she’ll shrug him off and shift further towards the edge of the bed with her back to him.
He’s beginning to wonder if he unwittingly did something to upset her. Or maybe it’s all in his head. Maybe he should just suck it up. Surely, this won’t last forever and she’ll be back to her normal self soon enough…
It’s Friday now. He hopes that with the weekend on the horizon, Y/N will be in a much better mood when she gets home.
“Hi, lovie,” he greets her when she walks in through the door. “How was your day?”
She releases a heavy sigh as she slips off her heels. “Shitty, but at least it’s over, right?”
“Sorry to hear that.” He attempts to give her a hug, but it doesn’t last longer than a second before she pulls away with a tight smile.
She heads to the kitchen, dropping her bag and keys by the stairs along the way. He follows her like a lost puppy. Grabbing herself a glass of water, she collapses onto one of the dining chairs and chugs it down.
At least she didn’t go straight upstairs today, he thinks to himself, grasping for a silver lining.
She rolls her neck from side to side and rubs the back of her shoulder, wincing a bit. Harry moves to stand behind her. Shifting her hair over to one side, he starts massaging her neck and shoulders. He holds his breath, expecting her to brush him off, but instead, she reclines in her seat while he carefully presses his thumbs into the nape of her neck.
“Work has been such a pain lately,” she admits.
“I know. Could tell you’ve been stressed out.”
“It’s this new boss. She’s impossible to work with. She puts unreasonable deadlines on everything, expecting us to finish these huge, complicated tasks within days. Then, when people like me try to speak up about it, she’ll publicly shame us in front of the whole office and pile on even more work so that— Ow! Okay, H, you’re pressing too hard.” She reaches behind her to push his hands away.
“Oops. Sorry, love.” Fuck. She was finally opening up to him about why she’s been acting so cold, finally giving him more than just one-word responses or vague explanations, and he ruined it.
“It’s fine. I’m going to go take a shower.” She stands up.
“Wait,” he says, grabbing her hand.
She turns to him with a look of mild annoyance.
“Um, wh—why don’t I run you a hot bath?”
“Sure. Not too hot though, okay? I’d like to not burn my skin off.”
He chuckles at the comment, pretending that it didn’t sting a little. “Yeah, of course.”
He runs the bath and checks the temperature of the water multiple times while Y/N undresses in their bedroom. He’s about to check for a fourth time when she enters the bathroom in her white robe, which she hangs up on the wall hook. She settles into the tub and closes her eyes. Meanwhile, Harry watches from the doorway, wishing he could get in there with her and be close to her.
“Do you want me to stay?” he offers tentatively. “We can talk more about the stuff you’ve been dealing with at work.”
“Ugh, no, I don’t even want to think about work.”
“Oh. Well, we can chat about something else to get your mind off—”
“I’m not really in the mood to talk.” She opens her eyes briefly to look at him. “I’ll be down for dinner later, okay?”
Translation: Don’t bother me until dinner.
With a hollowness in his chest, he shuts the bathroom door and returns downstairs to the kitchen.
***
“Daaaaad?” Savannah calls to her father from the dining table, where she has decided to do her homework tonight.
“Yeeeees?”
“Can you help me with my homework?”
“Be right there.” He turns down the heat on the stove before walking over to his daughter, leaning over her to take a look at what she’s working on. Math. His worst enemy.
“I don’t understand this question,” she says, pointing to a lengthy word problem on the page with several multiple choice options.
He reads and rereads it a few times before attempting to solve it in his head. It seems easy enough… Until he realizes that the answer he came up with isn’t even one of the options. He asks Savannah how her teacher taught her to approach questions like this, and her explanation only confuses him even more. Math was tough when he was in school, but the way they teach it nowadays boggles his mind.
“I’ll go see if your mum can help.”
He heads upstairs to check if Y/N is done with her bath and finds her sitting at the foot of their bed in her robe, brushing her hair. The sun is setting outside. Its warm, amber glow spills through the curtains and falls across one side of Y/N’s face, casting a shadow on the other. She looks ethereal in this light, like a goddess, and he feels unworthy of her presence.
“Babe? Savannah needs help with her maths homework,” he tells her.
“Can’t you handle it?”
“I mean, I’m trying, but we both know how useless I am at maths,” he answers with a smirk, but she doesn’t even crack a smile.
“Harry, it’s grade school math, not rocket science.”
His face drops. “Well, yeah, but I— Never mind. I’ll figure it out.” He turns to leave but pauses in the doorway, turning back around to face her. “Y/N, are you… Are you upset with me? Have I done something wrong?”
He instantly regrets asking. Y/N closes her eyes and pinches the bridge of her nose.
“No, H, I just need some time alone,” she states slowly. “Like, is that too much to ask? I can’t even have a second alone without you getting clingy and thinking I’m mad at you? It’s exhausting.”
His heart cracks for what feels like the millionth time that night. Clingy. His wife thinks he’s clingy. It’s not the first time he has been called that word. But it is the first time he has been called that word by her. And God, does it hurt like a dagger slicing through his chest.
“Sorry,” he mumbles before leaving.
He tries his best to help Savannah with the question, ultimately resorting to Google where he finds the solution posted on some forum a few years ago.
“Daddy, are you okay?” asks Savannah once her homework has been sorted.
He raises a brow at the odd, adult-like concern in his daughter’s voice. “Yes. Why?”
“You look sad.”
He forces a smile. “I’m not sad. There’s nothing wrong with being sad, of course. But I’m fine.”
She squints her big eyes at him suspiciously, drawing a genuine laugh out of him.
Kissing the top of her head, he says, “I’m going to finish making dinner, but let me know if you need anything else.”
“Okay. Thanks, Dad.”
That little token of appreciation means so much to him, he gives her another kiss on the head.
“You’re very welcome.”
***
Harry feels numb at dinner. His appetite is nonexistent. The food that he himself cooked with love and care tastes bland and flavourless to him. He has long zoned out on the conversation between Y/N and Savannah, which is completely unlike him, as someone who prides himself on being a good listener.
“H, you okay? You’ve barely touched your food,” comments Y/N. It shocks him that she even noticed.
“Daddy’s sad,” Savannah blurts out.
Y/N frowns, studying him from across the table. “Sad about what?”
“Nothing. I’m fine.” He stares down at his plate and changes the subject. “Does anyone else feel like the pasta sauce is missing something? I followed the recipe to a tee and still messed it up somehow.” He shakes his head, frustrated with his inability to get anything right today.
“No, it’s perfect,” says Y/N. “As always.”
She’s praising him. So why does he feel like crying?
“Where are you going?” she asks as he pushes his chair back and rises to his feet.
“I have a headache. Going to lie down for a bit. Just leave the dishes in the sink. I’ll take care of it later.” He places his unfinished plate on the kitchen counter and leaves.
Tears are flooding his eyes before he has even reached the top of the stairs. By the time he gets to the bedroom, they’re spilling onto his cheeks. He doesn’t bother wiping them away. Instead, he just climbs under the covers on his side of the bed and lets his pillow soak them up.
It’s hard to tell how much time has passed before he hears Savannah’s voice down the hall, telling her mother goodnight, and then moments later, the light creak of the bedroom door opening, followed by Y/N’s footsteps approaching the bed. The mattress dips behind him.
“H?” she says softly.
“Hmm?”
“You still awake?”
He clears his throat and tries to keep a steady voice as he replies, “Yeah. You need anything?”
“No, just want to make sure you’re okay.”
“I’m fine. Just a headache.”
“Do you need anything from me? Painkillers? A cup of tea?”
How about kisses? Or cuddles? Or any kind of attention that doesn’t involve you glaring at me like I’m a waste of space? he answers in his head, but out loud he says, “I’m fine. Thank you, love.”
“You know, you keep saying you’re fine and I don’t know if I believe you.”
He doesn’t respond.
She places a hand on his arm over the covers. “Look at me.”
“I’m fine, Y/N,” he emphasizes stubbornly.
“Can you please look at me?”
He sighs. A part of him is tempted to snap at her and tell her to leave him alone, to hurt her the way she hurt him, but he doesn’t have it in him to do that. In fact, the last thing he wants right now is to be left alone. What he really wants is to be held by her, to be told that he is loved and appreciated and wanted.
When she gently tugs on his arm to make him turn around, he doesn’t resist. Her eyes scan his face, taking in the tear-stained cheeks and bloodshot eyes.
“Oh, honey.” She brings a hand to his cheek. He’s been so deprived of her touch that he leans into it immediately. “Did I do this?” she asks with guilt-ridden eyes which suggest she already knows the answer to that.
“I feel like I can’t do anything right by you lately,” he says. “I just want to spend some time with you when you get home, but you never talk to me and you shoo me away any time I try to come near you. I don’t know what I did, but lately, I feel more like an annoying pest that you have to tolerate than your husband. And maybe that makes me clingy or whatever—”
“That does not make you clingy,” she interjects, shaking her head adamantly. “I’m sorry I called you that, and I’m sorry I made you feel this way. I’ve just been under so much pressure at work. That’s no excuse for how I’ve been treating you, but I need you to know that it has nothing to do with you, okay? You haven’t done a single thing wrong.”
He sniffles. “Really?”
“Yes, baby. The only reason I’ve been pushing you away is because I come home with all this pent-up frustration and I don’t want to take it out on you by accident… But it looks like I’ve been doing that anyway.” She wipes a tear from the corner of his eye and kisses him tenderly. “I’m sorry, honey.”
She gets under the covers with him and guides his head to her chest, tangling her fingers into his hair. He nuzzles his face close to her breasts. She apologizes again and reassures him that he’s the best husband she could have ever asked for, that she still looks forward to coming home to him at the end of each day, that she loves him more than words can ever explain.
Her delicate touches mixed with her comforting voice telling him everything he needed to hear soothes his aching heart. They cuddle in silence for a while, their legs intertwined with each other. Y/N shifts around a bit while keeping him close to her. When her thigh brushes up against his crotch, she freezes.
“Are you hard right now?”
“Fuck, um… yeah?” he mumbles into her chest nervously, his face growing hot.
She giggles. “Well, let’s take care of it.”
“You don’t have to.”
“No, you deserve it.”
She sits up on the bed beside him, while he lays on his back, gazing up at her, melting when she gives him a warm smile. Her hand disappears under the covers, making its slow descent into the waistband of his shorts. He gasps when she gropes him through his briefs.
“I don’t think I’ll last very long,” he admits.
“That’s okay. Been a while since we’ve done this, huh?”
He nods, gulping as her fingers trace his bulge. Although he sometimes touches himself when he’s home alone during the day or in the shower, it’s never the same as when she does it. The orgasms lack the intensity he craves.
“My poor baby,” she coos, using her other hand to scratch the top of his head. “I haven’t been taking proper care of you. We’re going to fix that this weekend.”
She suddenly removes her hand from his shorts and takes off her shirt, revealing her braless torso. The sight of her gorgeous, round breasts makes his mouth water before she even invites him to suck on them. Moving his head into her lap, he wraps his lips around one nipple and swirls his tongue around the taut flesh.
Her hand ventures back into his shorts, this time slipping into his underwear. Instead of wrapping her whole hand around him, she uses only two fingers and her thumb, running them along his length in slow, gentle strokes that make his body shudder with pleasure.
“I’m so lucky to have you, you know that? Nothing you do for me goes unnoticed, I promise you,” she says.
The reassurance brings tears to his eyes again but happy ones this time. She wraps the rest of her hand around his cock, picking up the pace and pressure of her strokes. He thrusts his hips into her hand desperately as his orgasm builds. She tells him he can come whenever he’s ready, but he tries to delay it for as long as possible until he can’t any longer. Then he lets himself go, his moans and grunts muffled by her breast.
“There you go. Good boy.” She coaxes the last few drops of come out of him.
He rests his head in her lap afterwards, dazed and breathless, hoping that she’ll let him lay there a little while longer. Luckily, that’s exactly what she does, only moving to rest her back against the headboard to make herself comfortable while keeping his head in her lap, her fingers in his hair. He wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.
***
Thank you for reading! For more househusband!Harry and other fics, check out my MASTERLIST
#harry styles#harry styles imagine#harry styles smut#harry styles x reader#harry styles imagines#harry styles fanfiction#harry styles one shot#harry styles fluff#harry styles angst#harry styles blurb#harry styles fanfic#harry styles x you#harry styles fic#harry styles writing#harry styles x y/n#harry styles oneshot#sub!harry#subrry#dad!harry#dadrry#husband!harry#househusband!harry#my writing
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Nymph!Reader x Sumeru!Men
- gn!reader
- Kaveh & Tighnari (I can do Alhaithem and Cyno later if people want)
- The Sumeru men stumble upon you... how to they react?
Idk what I'm doing man
Kaveh
He was scouting out a location one of his clients wanted, surveying the land to figure out what could go where and if a building was even possible
Of course, with his terrible luck, he slips and falls down a hill, bumping his head and falling unconscious
When he comes to, the most beautiful being he's ever seen is looking down at him, his head in your lap
As he gets up, he realizes you've tended to his cuts and bruises, putting a strange paste on the and then some leaves
You ask him a few questions on his health and he asks you where he is
After a bit of conversation, he realizes you are 1) a nymph and 2) will die if this grotto is destroyed
he'll go back to the city and have a hard time convincing his clients to move elsewhere, but he'll manage
He tries his best to visit you while also keeping you a secret, though his friends learn pretty quickly
Alhaithem learn anyways though because he sees Kaveh's notes on you
Tighnari learns because Kaveh asks him about how to take care of nymphs
Cyno learns when Kaveh asks him about protected areas of the forest and what qualify
They all follow him and meet you, much to Kaveh's annoyance and dismay
His friends help him make your grotto a protected area of the forest, preventing any future construction in it
Kaveh will try to visit you all the time, even after this
you're Kaveh's muse and he can't help but be enamored by your beauty. You inspire him and you're so kind and he hates leaving your side
You even make a little place for him in the roots of a huge tree
he brings you trinkets from the city and he can't help but smile when he sees your wonderment with the little toys
Perhaps he could live here instead of with Alhaithem
Tighnari
He was exploring a little further than usual when he found your grotto. How your little sanctuary has remained undiscovered for so long is genuinely a mystery to him
He tries to take a flower but you appear and bap his hand
Flora person? An aranara? No, you're too human looking to possibly be one
You don't attack him but you don't let him pick anything either
He comes back repeatly over the next few months to study you and you study him with equal intensity... he thinks?
While he writes notes on you, you draw him with different colored flowers and make little figurines of him out of wood
Eventually, one day you start speaking to him (which surprises him greatly, because he had been talking with you this entire time and you never responded, just gave him various head tilts and hand motions)
You can casually banter with each other and you teach him about the plants in your grotto
Coming to see you is his favorite part of the day and he eventually brings Cyno (with your permission). Cyno cracks his puns much to Tighnari's dismay
However, Tighnari likes the moment when you are alone together best
"I could study you forever. You're so beautiful and fascinating"
#genshin impact x reader#genshin x you#genshin x reader#tighnari#tighnari x reader#kaveh x reader#kaveh#genshin kaveh#genshin tighnari
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hey, can i please request headcanons of 141 boys with reader that is a youtuber?
omg yes ofc! i used to (and still am) a HUGE YOUTUBE WATCHER so this was so fun to do :) thank you again for requesting!
vidcon but the uk version
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summary: You're not any regular civilian, you're a Youtuber ;) In all seriousness, here's some headcanons of how the boys interact with your channel and support you!
pairing: 141 x YouTuber!Reader
warnings: swearing
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price - beauty and skincare
you were already big on YouTube when you met John
he can't go into a Sephora without someone mentioning your latest video or TikTok
someone would assume you were an employee based on how you were able to help the fan pick out the best skincare and makeup
he was shocked at the sheer number of brand deals you participate in
he also is in awe at the corner you had dedicated to your ring light and makeup desk with a nice camera set-up
when you eventually move in together, he's just used to the number of parcels you get daily
he will insist on at least giving you some money when you do a beauty haul (even though you tell him you don't need it)
one time he tried to surprise you by picking out some things that you mentioned
now your most popular video is “trying out makeup that my boyfriend picked out”
his only annoyance is when you accidentally stain one of the face towels
eventually just buys a new set meant specifically for you when you wash off a look
you're planning on having a new video where you do skincare on him and finally get at some of his blackheads
soap - gaming
prior to meeting Johnny, you already had a sizable channel
you primarily did long lets plays and the occasional stream
your setup is absolutely gorgeous -i'm talking led lights, two monitors that have the best processing power, pro gaming chair, and posters
it took awhile to curate but it's your baby and you make sure he knows that
loves watching you game and will occasionally keep you company for those long streams
it reminds him of when his younger siblings would watch him game on their early Playstation and X-Box consoles
your subscribers love when he's there though because he has the best reactions
your most popular video? "my boyfriend plays five nights at freddy's ⚠️headphone warning⚠️"
despite having amazing technical skills on the field, his multitasking sucked and he would always forget to check on foxy or overuse the battery
you had a great time editing the video after and emphasizing the jumpscares
he won't subject you to rewatching your videos with him but he likes watching other channels or collars you've done
"This guy is absolute shite" "I know, that's why I don't play multiplayer with him anymore"
he'll be so excited if you ever get invited to a big event like Pax, E3, or Gamescom
you basically have to keep him on track as he loves stopping in artist's alley and looking at all the trinkets and merch people are selling
make sure to bring a huge suitcase because your game room is getting a few new additions
gaz - internet documentaries
think of Internet Historian or Down the Rabbit Hole vibe
your channel is dedicated to internet phenomena like Florida Man or the movement to Storm Area 51
you'd tell the facts of the trend and then add a few funny commentary pieces
usually your videos are 45 min to an 1 hr long so a lot of work goes into it
it's more of a hobby than anything but Kyle always thinks the amount of research you do for it is insane
"Babe I think you need a new laptop" "Why?" "I always know you're about to make a new docu-series because it sounds like a fucking airplane takin off"
once your laptop doesn't sound like its going to blow up, he'll be sure to keep you company as you write down your script
"Did you know that there was a convention for X or X happened?" is how most of your conversations go
he'll always smile and let you give him a spark notes version of what happened
will be the one telling you too sleep and that you can continue editing tomorrow
loves when companies send you things for ad reads
hoards all of the items from Dollar Shave Club and Raycon (his absolute favorite sponsor of yours)
he'll occasionally watch your videos while he's cooking or at the gym
always loves learning something new even if its about a failed furry convention
"I liked your latest video" is such a huge compliment from him because he knows how much effort you put into it
he'll occasionally feed you ideas that he sees while he's scrolling through social media
"You should do something on Hat Man" "WHO??" "Yk the guy you see when you take too much Benadryl, apparently Soap sees him too"
ghost - asmr
tbh doesn’t think much about your channel
you’ll just occasionally leave the room to record or crack some slime in front of a camera
however when your channel is mentioned in conversation, he considers revisiting
“have you heard about this asmr thing?” Gaz asked the group and Soap immediately interjected
“OH YEAH some of them are amazing to watch alone,” he said with a wink
“Like this account-“ Soap wasn’t able to finish his sentence before Ghost snatched the phone out of his hand
“Sorry just couldn’t see it” he apologized and he tried to suppress his disgust that someone else was listening to you at night like that
after that, he takes another look and watches a few of your more popular videos
ofc its your series roleplaying as a nurse or doctor taking care of someone
as well as one where you act like a sleepy girlfriend waking up next to their significant other
he will never say that he watches your videos but you do notice the uptick in views and likes (it's a cute little secret of his)
one time you attempted to ask all these questions about being in the military to help you write dialogue for your latest combat medic series
"People seriously want stuff like that?" "You'll be surprised, not tell me what you usually have in your pack"
he will cringe when you pull your asmr voice on him and whisper in your ear
"Cut that shit out."
#task force 141 x reader#task force 141#cod x reader#call of duty modern warfare#cod mwii#modern warfare 2#simon riley x reader#simon ghost riley#call of duty#john soap mactavish#kyle gaz garrick#gaz x reader#soap x reader#price x reader#kyle garrick x reader#john price x reader#Johnny mactavish x reader#mw2 imagine#izzie answers#madebyizzie#izzie is writing
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Eddie Munson x cheerleader! Reader, they go to a party, and they're wearing couple costumes (maybe they're vampires or smth like that) but Jason starts to make fun of Eddie and Reader gets angry and punches Jason in the face, and Eddie thinks that hot, and they end up going to Eddie's to have sex
I hope this is what you wanted! And you enjoy it. Thank you so much for requesting<3
Happy October!
Dress up
Halloween landed on a Saturday night, and Chrissy was immediately ready to plan a party. The cheerleading squad got with her to help her plan it all.
Y/N was very good friends with Chrissy, and already planned to attend the party. The hard part was going to try to convince her boyfriend to go.
~~~
"Nope!" Eddie said, shaking his head. His curls bounced as his head shook back and forth. His legs stretched out on the coffee table as he sat on her couch. She sat next to him, holding his hand as she begged him over and over.
"Baby, why would I want to dress up in a ridiculous costume, and hang out with a bunch of assholes? We could have sex, then watch scary movies all night." Eddie argued, his head leaning back and turning to look at her. She rested her head on his shoulder, a pout on her lips.
"How about this? We go to at least say hi, and have a free drink or two. Steal the beer, go home have sex, and then movies!" She offered. She watched Eddie's face, trying to detect his answer.
He still didn't look convinced, before he could speak she spoke first.
"I'll let you pick my costume."
A huge smirk came across his face and she knew she was in for it
~~~
Eddie had his hand on her ass as they walked in, the tiny nurse costume clung to her body and showed off every part of her. She had fake blood dripped down her thighs, her hair was messy, and her dress was ripped. Eddie stood beside her with a smirk, dressed in a surgeon costume, but with makeup to make him look like a zombie. His bloody handprints were all over her skin, her legs, ass, and chest covered in his prints.
"What do we have here?" Chrissy asked, smiling as she took in their costume.
"I'm a nurse, and he is a zombie surgeon. "Y/N sighed, Eddie jumped on his feet, rubbing his hands together.
"And?" Eddie edged on, and Y/N rolled her eyes.
"And he's dead and ate me....literally", so I'm now a dead nurse." She explained, Chrissy laughed when Y/N yanked up her dress, a fake bite mark on her inner thigh. Eddie was proud of his idea and enjoyed the annoyance on his girlfriend's face.
"Clever, Munson," Chrissy smirked, nodding her head as she left to attend other guests.
"Go get your beers, baby," Y/N said, kissing Eddie on his lips. Eddie kissed her back then headed to the kitchen. He grabbed as many cans of beer as he could, stuffing the cans in his pockets.
"Robbing my girlfriend?" Jason snarked out, crossing his arms as he stood behind Eddie.
"Fuck off." Eddie groaned, he cracked a can open, and took a swig of the drink. Eddie turned around and went to walk past Eddie but Jason wouldn't let him.
"Who even invited you here? No one wants the freak here around, who knows what devilish things you have planned tonight." Jason growled, but Eddie just tried to shrug it off. "And dressing up as a doctor? like you'd ever be smart enough for that. Probably a sicko that would steal people's insides and chop them up."
"Leave him alone, asshole" Y/N barked, moving to stand in front of Eddie.
"And his slutty nurse, such a shame you got caught up with him. You could have had a real future for yourself." Jason said, but Y/N knew he was making things up. She loved her life with Eddie and she was excited for their futures.
"Better be careful with him. It's Halloween night, I'm sure his psycho self has a ritual plan and you'll be his sacrifice. He'll tie you down and gut you open like a pig." Jason's smirk didn't last long. It was smacked right off of his face.
Y/N landed a huge right hand smack to his cheek, Jason's head snapping to the side. Eddie felt his jaw hit the floor.
Not only did his girlfriend stand up for him. His girlfriend slapped the shit out of Jason while wearing the sluttiest outfit at the whole party. The momentum of the slap caused her dress to lift, the silk of her red underwear showing. Eddie moved forward to tug it down. His mind focused on her and her body, not hearing the curse words leaving her mouth as she screamed in Jason's face.
"Baby, let's go!" She snapped, grabbing his hand and walking out of the party. Eddie felt like he was in a daze. Mindedly following her as his eyes stayed on her ass. Her heels clicked against the driveway as she marched to the van.
Before she could open the door, Eddie had her slammed against it.
She gasped at the action but melted into him. His right hand was against the van above her head and his left hand was on her hip. His eyes ate her alive as he skimmed up her outfit.
"You are so fucking sexy." He growled, his mouth immediately on hers in a heated kiss.
She clawed him desperately, her hands snaking in his hair. His body pressed against hers and his erection was pressed against her thigh. His hands moved to her thighs, rubbing the skin softly.
"Shall we go home?" She smirked, her hand cupping his cock.
"Mhhm yes."
Maybe the party was a good idea....
Tags!
@bmunson86 @mxcheese @ladymunson @michaelfuckinglangdon @z0mbie-blah @biittersweet @mirrorsstuff @somethingvicked @micheledawn1975 @ago-godance @magnificantmermaid @tlclick73 @hargrovesswifee @cityofidek @manyfandomsfanvergentreblogs @silky-luxe @lokiofasgard616 @loving-and-dreaming @eddiemunsonsbitch69 @thegemaqua @ashlynnkennedy @strangerthingsstories5255 @harringt8ns @pleasinghellfire @whoscamila @stusdollface93 @gretavankleep37
#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson#eddie munson fanfic#eddie stranger things#eddie munson x female reader#eddie munson request#eddie munson fluff x reader#eddie munson fluff x female reader#eddie munson halloween blurb#eddie munson x fluff#eddie munson angst x reader#eddie munson angst#ashwhowrites halloween#ashwhowrites
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all's fair in love and chicken
pairing; eddie munson/reader
rating; T
warnings; lots of fluff, a tiny bit of angst, love confessions, pining, getting together
word count; 2.1k
desc; robin and steve dare you and eddie to a game of girls vs. boys chicken. eddie has something up his sleeve that changes everything.
masterlist
The first thing you see after stepping inside the Harrington mansion is Robin looking guilty as sin. It makes you uneasy, and you immediately want to walk over and demand what the fuck that expression is for, but it’s the annual pool party bash and you’re carrying the first bottles of booze its seen and Steve is already ushering you to the backyard so you can set them down on the makeshift bar.
“Thank god you’re here,” he mutters under his breath. “People have been clamoring for drinks for half an hour.”
“Only like a fourth of them can legally drink,” you point out. When you reach the table, he helps you unload and set up so guests can pour their own concoction.
“And they’re bossy as fuck.”
You laugh, half-forgetting Robin’s mysterious guilt, and arrange the liquor just so. Steve excuses himself and runs into the house to get ice, and another boy almost instantly takes his place.
“Hey, princess,” Eddie says, surprising you and making you knock a bottle of vodka over. He deftly catches it and stands it upright.
You turn to him with a look. He’s grinning devilishly, loving that he spooked you. You’re notoriously easy to startle, and despite the fact that you’re secretly in love with him and have been for two years, the trick got old a long time ago. You hold back the smile threatening to bloom and narrow your eyes in annoyance. Eddie’s eyes get wider in response, doe-like, and his mouth turns down into the cutest pout. After a few seconds, you sigh and finally grin, forgiving him quickly. It’s a tried-and-true routine you two have done since you became friends.
“Hi, Eds,” you reply, hoping your lovesickness doesn’t ooze too obviously. You always think you sound so gooey, but he’s never picked up on it. This time is no different.
“Get you a drink?”
“Yes, please. Our usual.”
“One Munson Special coming up.”
You chuckle and take a few steps away to claim a free beach chair. You set your bag down and shuck off your clothes, stuffing them away. You test your bare feet on the concrete, but it’s too hot, so you keep your flip-flops on for now.
“Here you go–”
You spin around in concern as the end of Eddie’s sentence turns into a choked sound. You find him staring at you with huge eyes and a slightly open mouth. You move closer to him. “Are you okay?” You ask worriedly.
He blinks and then nods jerkily, practically throwing your cup at you. You avoid the liquid that splashes over the edge and take it carefully. You’re still looking at Eddie, unsure what could be wrong, but he just swallows and smiles reassuringly. “Something in my throat,” he explains, and you exhale in relief.
“Good. You can’t choke here otherwise Steve will be the one doing CPR.”
He barks out a laugh. “I’d sooner die.”
Your mouth twists, wanting to smile but holding back somewhat. “Be nice,” you chide half-heartedly. “He’s our friend now.”
He makes a disgruntled face. “I guess.” You look at him with petulant sternness and his expression softens. “I’ll try. Only for you, princess.”
Your heart flutters and you take a gulp of your drink to hide your quick breaths. He can’t just say things like that. He takes a sip as well, and you two settle into a comfortable silence. You take a look around the party, watching as the kids splash around and play Marco Polo in the pool, and eyeing as Steve and Robin bicker while she throws obvious longing glances at Vickie, who is sitting with her feet in the water and both pretending not to notice and trying not to blush. Nancy and Jonathan are sitting in the hot tub, having what seems to be a lively discussion with Jeff, Grant, and Gareth. Hopper, Joyce, and the rest of the adults are at the back, manning the grill and pointedly avoiding the shenanigans everyone else is getting into.
You turn back to Eddie to find him looking at you. Your head rears back a little, not expecting his gaze, and he quickly averts his eyes and takes a drink. A light blush spreads across his cheeks and towards his ears. You want to pull his hair away from his face to see if the tips are red as well, but keep your hands to yourself.
You’re admiring how tan he’s looking, the deep tone of his skin gleaming golden, when Robin shouts your name from across the patio. Both you and Eddie turn towards her; she’s speed-walking over with an annoyed Steve in tow. “Dingus here thinks we can’t beat him and Eddie in chicken,” she says when she arrives.
You blink. “What?”
“The game chicken, where two people fight while on the shoulders of other people?”
“Okay,” you reply slowly.
“Steve thinks boys would ‘obviously’ win over girls.” You raise your eyebrows at him and he shrugs, shy now that his and Robin’s argument has involved more than just them. Robin continues, “‘Obviously’ he’s wrong. But he won’t accept it until you and Eddie actually join us for a round.”
You glance at Eddie, who shoots you a grin. “I’m down if you are, princess,” he says cheekily.
At his smug tone, your competitive spirit comes alive. You look at Robin and nod. “Let’s wipe the floor with them.”
She whoops and drags you both to the pool. She and Steve slide in and stand at the edge so you and Eddie can sit on their shoulders. There’s a lump in your throat when you swallow; you didn’t think it’d be you two on top and fighting so close. But you can’t back out now, so you just focus on balancing as Robin walks further in.
She turns and there Eddie is, smiling mischievously, surprisingly stable atop Steve. His eyes sparkle in the sun and his tattoos stand out like they’re three-dimensional. You lock stares, and he runs a finger across his neck in a threat. Your eyes narrow as you mouth, You’re going down.
“Alright, are we ready?” Steve asks, sickly sweet. It’s purely for Robin’s sake, and she immediately replies, “Go!”
You lunge forward and grab Eddie’s biceps, his hands clamping onto yours. You grapple, pushing and pulling in any effort to destabilize the other, Robin and Steve compensating for your movements below. It’s a tough battle, but at some point, you’re leaning all the way into Eddie’s space and he’s precariously teetering backwards. You feel a triumphant smile start to form when he does the unexpected.
He kisses you.
It’s a soft, short peck, but it shocks you so much that you fall back, all the way off Robin’s shoulders and into the water. Once you’re submerged, it’s like time slows down, and you try to comprehend that Eddie just kissed you.
Eddie kissed you.
All to win this stupid game.
“That was definitely cheating!” Robin is yelling when you surface, inhaling oxygen desperately and pushing your hair out of your face.
“It was not!” Steve shouts back. “All’s fair!”
The two continue to argue, and you look at Eddie. He’s mysteriously quiet but half-grinning, and your fury grows. You stalk away–as much as you can while underwater–and pull yourself out of the pool. You detour to your chair to grab your towel, and then you’re racing inside, up the stairs to Steve’s guest room, where you’ve stayed a couple times after late nights. You slam the door shut behind you and sit on the bed, not caring if you’re dripping on the duvet.
You’re shaken and upset, and you can’t believe Eddie would do something like that to win a game of chicken. If you didn’t like him romantically, it would be misleading and give the wrong idea, and Robin was right–it is cheating.
A knock comes on the door, and it slowly swings open to reveal the man himself. “Princess? Are you okay?” You just glare at him in response, and he steps inside and closes the door behind him. “What’s wrong? Did you inhale water?”
If you weren’t so upset, you’d be touched by his concern. “You’re a fucking asshole,” you seethe. “I can’t believe you would do that just to win. That’s such gross bro behavior.”
He’s wide-eyed. “What? No, I’d never do that.”
“You just did!”
“No!” He runs a hand over his face. “That’s not why I did it.”
“Then why?” You grit out.
“Well, Robin told me that you liked me–”
You suddenly remember Robin’s face from the beginning of the party and understand. She’d blabbed to Eddie that you were in love with him and felt guilty for doing so. Well, she fucking should.
“That’s worse!” Your face burns in embarrassment and anger. “You used my feelings against me to win instead. Real nice.”
“Will you listen to me?” Eddie pleads. “I didn’t believe her, you’re way out of my league, but I couldn’t stop thinking about it. And when we were playing, you were so close and you smelled so good and your lips looked so nice, I couldn’t help myself and kissed you.” His entire face is tomato red. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to make you lose. I wasn’t even thinking about the game, just you.”
“I don’t understand. Are you saying you like me now?”
“Now? I’ve been in love with you for two years, princess. I just didn’t think you’d like me back.”
You stare at him. “What?”
“Yeah.” He sighs. “I’m sorry. I can leave.”
But before he can turn away, you’re leaping forward and pulling him into a heated kiss. He’s surprised by it, stiff and still, and you think wildly that you’ve finally gotten him back for scaring you all those times. Eventually, his brain catches up and he melts, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you flush against him. His lips are soft and warm, and it’s leagues better than the kiss in the pool, and you don’t want to stop but you’ve gotta breathe at some point. You two break apart panting, gazing at each other for a minute until you both burst into laughter. Your foreheads meet as you shake with it, and when the giggles fade away you’re still resting against each other.
“You’re an idiot,” you tell him fondly, and he chuckles. “I’ve been in love with you for two years too. I thought I was so obvious about it.”
“No, you’re right. I’m just an idiot,” he replies, making you snort. “But I could tell after Robin told me.”
“That doesn’t count! If she hadn’t, you still wouldn’t know.”
“Yeah, yeah.”
You’re about to argue some more when he captures your mouth again, and you sink into the kiss. You run your hands through his hair, pulling inadvertently, and he moans a little. You pull away with a smile, hands poised to do it again, but he holds them still.
“Don’t give me a boner at a pool party,” he begs. “I’d never live it down.”
You laugh. “Alright. Only for you, Eds.”
He smiles softly. “I love you, princess.”
“I love you too,” you reply with heart eyes at full power.
He steps back. “We really gotta go back now, or I will have a boner for the rest of the night.”
You shake your head with a grin and take his outstretched hand. You two walk downstairs and out to the backyard, where the festivities are in full swing. Steve and Robin are near the doors, still bickering. When she spots you, she gasps your name.
“Are you okay?” She asks worriedly.
You nod. “I’m fine. But we will be talking later.” She blushes and that guilty expression returns. But then she sees your hand intertwined with Eddie’s and it retreats somewhat. She smiles triumphantly, and you can already tell your stern talking-to will go in one ear and out the other. “And,” you continue, “I want a rematch.”
“Let’s do it!” Eddie shouts and pulls you towards the pool. He pushes you in, but you hold tight to his hand and drag him under with you. Once Steve and Robin have joined, you maneuver yourselves on their shoulders. You and Eddie make playful threatening motions, you wrestle heatedly, and then there’s cheering from you and Robin as the boys topple backwards into the water. They surface, spluttering from the impact, and Eddie immediately goes after you. You screech with laughter as you weakly attempt to run from him, and he catches you around the waist and lifts you above the water. You squeal with the movement, and after lowering you, he kisses you. You beam with love in the summer sun.
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star lost with you | hyunjin au | part 15
pairing: idol! hyunjin x artist! reader
synopsis: working in a quaint little art store, you’ve had the honor of meeting all kinds of people, but you’ve never met somebody like him.
there were many reasons hyunjin returned to his hometown; a getaway from the ephemeral and fast-paced life of the city, so he could fall in love with life again. he thought he was prepared for everything, to study art in the way that he’s always wanted to, but what he didn’t anticipate was meeting you. hwang hyunjin realises that sometimes, the best things in life happen unplanned.
genre: friends to lovers, so much angst, smut, fluff, set in the idolverse, mutual pining, unrequited love, forbidden romance, slowburn (!!!) soulmate au (kind of), star-crossed lovers
warnings: cursing, mature content, fancy drinking, mutual pining, sexual tension, so much angst, kissing, making out, dirty talk, fingering, grinding, dry humping, dom!hyunjin, jealousy, more angst
word count: 35K (ik the wc makes it feel v long but it’s really not that much haha)
a/n: im so excited to be coming back with this huge of a chapter for you guys. so much goes down and im insanely excited to share this next phase of my story with you. its v long so pls get comfortable with a blanket and snacks. I would recommend rereading the last chapter, if you can! thank you for still being here.
i recommend that you can listen to my star lost playlist here!
important: all works are fiction, and do not in any way represent the real personalities or real people, they exist only as faceclaims, and are fictional characters.
masterlist
He had fucked up. Even in the dimly lit drive-in theatre, the guilt on his face was evident. Hyunjin had never looked this devastated.
“I need to talk to you”
That’s what he had said. The gnawing feeling in your gut got worse. Those words together, in that order, was never a good sign. You knew as much, and you knew whatever he had to tell you was going to be something bad.
“Why did you leave in the middle of the film?” You asked, gaze darting between him and your friends.
Yuqi was staring wide-eyed, watching this unfold, soda cup clutched in her hands, and Felix…he looked beyond irritated.
The movie could still be heard all the way over here. You weren’t too far from the projection screen, and the speakers were right next to you. It was a horrible place to be having this conversation, but you couldn’t wait.
What was he holding back?
You’d always felt the safest around Hyunjin, but every breath between you right now was uncertain. He was fidgeting, sliding the silver ring off and on his finger.
“I was on my way back to you when—” Hyunjin paused, and the veins in his neck were prominent as he strained to be heard over the movie, “—when Felix found me. He wanted to talk”
“Is Jisung okay?” You blurted, the first thing that came to your mind. He was nervous as hell, and that freaked you out.
Hyunjin’s eyes widened, “No, he’s okay”
“Look. Y/N—“ Felix started, stepping ahead.
“Can I please just talk to Y/N…alone?” Hyunjin interrupted, turning to your friends. His frustration was new to you.
“Of course. Now you wanna talk to her” Felix scoffed, and your gaze drifted to him. You felt so out of the loop and everything was far too dramatic.
A laugh escaped you at the absurdity of this situation, “What is going on? You guys are acting like the world’s fucking ending or something”
“I’m sure it’s not that serious” Yuqi piped in, as a way to comfort you, and Felix glanced at her in disdain.
Hyunjin seemed to be physically struggling between appeasing you and Felix, but he focused his gaze on you.
“It’s not” He reaffirmed, pausing to breathe, “Obviously. It’s not… that serious”
“You sure?” Felix mumbled, taunting the situation, and you’d never known Felix to be the one to poke a bear with a stick.
His presence only added to your confusion and annoyance.
What was he doing here?
Hadn’t he just told you he couldn’t be friends with you anymore? Or whatever the hell he was going to say before you were interrupted?
You glanced at him, and the anger from your previous unresolved conversation surged back, “Lix. Can you just give us a moment alone, please?”
His eyes locked with yours in silent agreement, “Yeah. Sure. Whatever you want, Y/N”
“Yeonjun’s gonna be worried as hell about us” Yuqi spoke in a harsh whisper, grabbing him lightly by the forearm to lead him away, and even though you were embarrassed to have an audience, you were glad she was here.
You’d dragged everyone to the drive-in theatre tonight for the Jaws screening because it had seemed, at the moment, like a good idea. It was supposed to be one of the things on your bucket list. The list Hyunjin and you had made together.
A list of things to make you fall in love with your little town again, and you were only doing all of this because Hyunjin insisted. A silly excuse to be by his side, but it had worked. You’d seen the film they were playing tonight a dozen times, so yeah, you were only doing this so you could spend more time with him.
Right now though, it didn’t seem like the greatest idea, and more like the culmination of a really bad plan.
A confrontation you didn’t want.
Knowing Hyunjin, he hated confrontations too.
So, there must be a really fucking good reason why he was arguing with your best friend just now.
Felix mumbled something as they walked away, too quiet for you to catch amongst the sounds of the film.
A cold breeze picked up.
The blinking yellow sign above you was malfunctioning, a buzzing sound escaping it, distracting you momentarily until Hyunjin’s face came into focus again.
He was so apprehensive, a concerned frown on his face. Guilty was not a good look on him.
You swallowed your anxieties, raising your voice louder, “Can you just please tell me what’s going on? You’re kind of freaking me out here”
“Nothing is going on like that, I promise. It’s just…Yongbok found something out and freaked out about it. He was upset at me but—”
“What did he find out?” You were impatient.
Hyunjin squeezed his eyes shut, and sighed, “He saw me earlier…at the station”
It took you a second to put two and two together.
“The train station…? What were you doing there?”
His eyes darted around the driveway, realising that this was probably the worst place to be having any kind of conversation. The noise of the horror film had drowned the two of you out.
“Can we go somewhere else? Where it’s quieter, please?”
You didn’t think you had the patience. Your stomach turned every second that he didn’t tell you what was wrong.
“Please?” He asked again, “I’ll tell you everything. I just want to get away from here”
What was so complex that he couldn’t just say it now?
It felt like a break-up except you and him weren’t even fucking dating.
Your gaze flickered over his face, frown lines on his forehead that didn’t suit him, and it was only now that you noticed the bags under his eyes. He hadn’t slept last night. He was too young to be so worried.
“Yeah, of course”
There was relief on his face at your agreement, shoulders relaxing, and he looked around.
The theater was in the middle of fucking nowhere.
Where would you even go?
Worry returned to his face, and you sighed, “There’s a loading dock, like a few minutes from here. It’ll be quieter there”
He nodded, following closely behind you as you led the way.
You focused on the sound of your footsteps in the dirt to not completely freak out.
“Is everything with Chan fine?” You ended up asking.
“Yeah, he’s fine too” He fell quiet again, “I’m sorry you’re missing the movie because of me”
The noises got muffled as you moved further away.
“I really don’t care” You told him, “I’ve seen it before”
“Oh, okay”
You stopped at a chain-link fence, leading to a loading dock for various trucks and vans. It was dead right now, but it'd be brimming with life in the early hours of the day.
“This is quiet enough”
This was also as far as your patience could go.
Hyunjin nodded, leaning his weight against the fence, running a hand through his hair, “I guess”
Another round of screams from the audience echoed through the area, and you shrugged, “Guess not”
He didn’t seem amused though, “They’re so loud”
“It is the best part of the movie” You told him, “They finally defeat the shark”
Hyunjin nodded, as if he’d forgotten what the movie Jaws was even about, “Right”
He looked like a wounded animal, afraid you’d get mad at him, but you didn’t even understand what you should be mad about.
His hand peeked out from under his button-up sleeve. You reached forward, not thinking before slipping your fingers between his.
The gesture surprised him, and he glanced up at you with big eyes. He squeezed your hand, finding comfort in it.
“I was buying a ticket back”
You frowned, asking a question you already knew the answer to, “Back to?”
His breaths were shallow, in uneven intervals and his shoulders rose and fell with each anxious inhale and exhale.
“Seoul” He clarified, biting his bottom lip.
“Oh. Isn’t…it too early?”
His gaze fell, eyes avoiding yours, “I was trying to tell you earlier, but I didn’t get the chance”
“Tell me now” You tilt his head up, fingers under his chin so he could look right at you.
He took in another deep breath, eyes staring into yours, “I…have to leave, Y/N. I have to move back to the city”
The words didn’t shock you.
That’s it?
You knew he had to leave.
A weight lift off your chest at the familiarity of his confession, and you could breathe again, “Yeah. I…know that, Hyunjin”
His eyes widened, “You do?”
Your fingers settled on his jaw, to calm him, “I mean, I know that you can’t stay here forever. You were only here for the summer anyway”
Relief swirled his eyes at your calmness, “Um…yeah”
It felt anticlimactic. This was why he was so nervous, why Felix was so mad, why they were fighting?
You two stood so close, hand-in-hand, and this didn’t even seem like a big deal. Hyunjin wasn’t going to be holed up in this small town forever. Everybody knew it would always be temporary, so what was the drama for?
A breeze blew Hyunjin’s hair in his face, and you tucked the chestnut strands behind his ear, “Would you have to start packing soon?”
With that question, Hyunjin’s eyebrows furrowed again, “I already packed, Y/N”
“Already?” You laughed, there was a whole month left but he was already preparing, “You should’ve told me…I could’ve helped you.”
He frowned, and suddenly your name on his lips felt bitter, “Y/N…”
Like it took effort to say, and like it broke his heart.
It felt like an apology, but you didn’t know what for.
You squeezed his hand, to let him know he had nothing to be sorry for, “Tell me…”
“No, you don’t understand. I’m — I’m not staying for the rest of the summer anymore”
Your heart squeezed, and suddenly you realised why he was so anxious.
You needed confirmation, “You’re not?”
“I need to leave” He let out a breath, “Tonight.”
The words hit you like a punch to your gut.
Hyunjin explained further, to make sure you understood, but your head was already spinning, “My train leaves for Seoul… in a few hours”
Your grip on his hand dropped, and you stopped touching him.
He stared at you for what felt like forever, eyes flickering between yours, “I’m sorry”
He’s sorry?
You had trouble speaking the words, “What? Tonight?”
His eyes were wide at your reaction, and at your tone. He thought you didn’t believe him.
And you didn’t.
Tonight was so soon, and in a few hours was fucking insane.
As you processed his words, the silence stretched for seconds, excruciatingly long.
He felt a stupid need to fill in the void, “My manager’s coming to pick me up. He doesn’t want me to make the journey back alone. He’s worried about a crowd at the station, in case the information leaked—”
Hyunjin kept talking, and explaining, but you’d stopped listening.
What the fuck was he even saying?
All of these technicalities.
You couldn’t even still process what he’d told you.
Yeah, you knew he had to leave but you didn’t think it’d be tonight.
You didn’t think it’d be right now.
You weren’t prepared.
Each word he spoke was a lightning bolt to your heart, ripping chasms open in the perfect day you’d just had.
It couldn’t be. You had so much planned with him. You hadn’t even gotten to the good part yet.
The sky lit up in bright white, blinding you.
You hadn’t even told him that you loved him...
The wind picked up, dust blowing into your eyes but you didn’t care. The lightning wasn’t just within you. There was a storm coming.
Hyunjin glanced up at the sky; dark clouds suddenly looming over you, but that was the least of your worries.
“We should get inside” He realised, reaching for your hand, but you stepped away from him, pulling your hand out of reach.
His eyes were wide at the rejection.
“I’m sorry. You said that you’re leaving in a few hours?” You asked again, hoping this was just a horrible fucking joke, and you heard him wrong.
But he fucking nodded, not saying anything.
Your stomach was beginning to hurt, a shooting pain through your body, and you felt dizzy.
Bile rose up to your throat at the suddenness of everything, “I don’t understand. You said you didn’t have to go back, not until the end of summer and—”
“I know” He interrupted, “I know that’s what I said, but things changed. The company needs me back, I don’t have much of a choice”
“But what about Kkami…and about the art classes?” Stupid questions, when all you wanted to ask was something else.
“I canceled the classes yesterday, and Minho said he’ll look after Kkami until my aunt comes back to town”
Of course.
“Oh”
Of course he’d figured everything out. A man as precise as Hyunjin, of course he’d already solved for all the problems you couldn’t even foresee.
But what about you?
Your gaze fell from his, heart falling deep into your gut and maybe that explained the pain in you. You didn’t even know what to say. It was so much information, to process all at once, and pathetically, you mumbled, “I thought I’d have more time with you”
“I know, Y/N. I...thought so too” His voice was too soft, too calm, “But I’m sorry that we don’t”
Was he not affected by this? Why was he so calm?
In a few hours, he would be more than a hundred miles away from you.
That wasn’t okay.
But he seemed perfectly fine right now.
How long had he known this?
“I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you before” He swallowed, and stepped closer. His hands glided up your arms, coming to rest at your shoulders. He squeezed the skin there, and maybe he thought it was comforting, but it just felt suffocating.
Your chest was pounding so hard you could hear your heartbeat in your ears.
You were still confused, so many questions in your head, “But that doesn’t explain why Felix was fighting with you”
Hyunjin sighed, “He…he thought that I wasn’t going to tell you”
There it was.
Your eyes narrowed, darting up to his, a new fear sinking into you, something you hadn’t even considered, “Wait. Were you not?”
His eyes widened, but his voice gave him away, “No. I was going to—”
You took another step back, and he dropped his hands from you.
“You weren’t even going to say goodbye, Hyunjin?”
He hesitated before speaking, “I was”
“When?”
“What?”
“When were you going to tell me? If you’ve already bought a ticket. You’ve already cancelled the classes. You’ve…packed everything. You’ve already given Kkami away. So, when…were you going to tell me?”
He squeezed his eyes shut.
And it was enough.
“You’re fucking kidding me”
“Let me explain, please--”
Another flash lit up the sky.
Thunder ripped through the atmosphere, and the sound startled you both, making you look up.
It wasn’t raining, not yet, but it would soon.
Immediately, you heard scrambling over at the drive-in theatre. All of the people would be exposed to the rain, and now they’d have to pack it up, and leave.
How fitting for a storm to pass through right fucking now.
You looked back at him, because this wasn’t like him.
The Hyunjin you’d come to know…would never blindside you like this.
You stepped further away, your sneakers tripping over the dirt and Hyunjin reached out to steady you, but you ripped your arm back, “You were just going to leave”
“I tried telling you yesterday, in the forest! You were the first person I was going to tell” Hyunjin exclaimed, eyes wide in what you could only recognise as despair.
In the forest, when you’d taken him to see the fireflies. Hyunjin had said he wanted to tell you something. He was trying to tell you this?
Sourness developed in your mouth, “What? Yesterday?”
“But you stopped me. You kissed me, and you said you didn’t want to know”
Your sadness was suddenly replaced by embarrassment, and bitterness.
“So…it’s my fault?”
“What? Of course not. That’s not what I’m saying”
Your emotions were toppling over, and you couldn’t manoeuvre them anymore.
You felt a surge of hopelessness, because he didn’t understand how important this was to you.
How important he was.
“If it was so important, you should have told me anyway! I obviously would have understood, and stopped kissing you. I’m not that dense, or …needy”
Hyunjin’s eyes were wide, like he couldn’t believe you.
“I know that you’re not. Of course, you’re not” He repeated, stepping towards you, “I knew how upset it would make you, and I’m so fucking sorry. I didn’t want to ruin the time we had left”
There was no justifiable reason for you to be this sad. He was only going to be a few hours away from here, but you’d dreaded the day he’d leave ever since you met him.
His life in the city was a whirlwind, and he didn’t have time for anything.
How would you ever stay in his life, or keep him in yours?
Your voice was shaky, “I’m not upset at you, Hyunjin”
“Really? Because it looks like you hate me right now” He laughed.
You sighed, looking him in the eye, “Of course not”
“I just don’t understand why I’m the last to know. You said that your manager is coming to pick you up…and you’re worried the information would leak. So does everybody know you’re coming back or something?”
He nodded slightly, as if his answer would hurt you, “The media knows. There’s going to be a crowd at the station, in the city when I get back”
So if you waited a few more hours…the morning papers would have told you anyway.
The thought almost made you want to laugh, or cry.
“We were having such a good time, at the Creek, and…I didn’t want to kill the mood, obviously I was right, because you’re so upset right now”
“Right. I’m sorry for being upset that you’re leaving Hyunjin”
He pulled you towards him, “Stop, please. This is…not how I wanted tonight to go”
“Then how did you want it to go?”
“I wanted to…stay up with you, and talk to you, and listen to you...until I can”
It sounded tempting. You’d do anything to have that.
But he was leaving tonight.
“Do you know when you’ll come back?”
“What?”
“To Daejon. Do you know when you’ll come back?”
He hesitated, “I don’t know. A couple of years, maybe then…”
“So after tonight…you have no idea when we’ll see each other again?”
“Yeah, but…you can visit me in Seoul, right?” He asked, a hopeful lilt to his tone.
Your head was still spinning, “Were you going to stay in touch with me?”
“Yeah. I was going to give you my new number—”
“Your new number?” You were confused.
“I have to change it…every few months. For safety”
Another lightning flash lit up his face, and then the first drops of rain followed. They wet your hair, dripping down your face, masquerading as tears.
“Yeonjun would be wondering where I am”
“What?” Hyunjin asked, but you needed to fixate on something else or you’d go insane.
“I have to tell him” You mumbled, more to yourself, reaching for your phone in your back pocket, but you’d left it back in the truck. A frustrated groan escaped you.
“I can tell him” Hyunjin spoke, immediately, pulling his phone out to text him. You watched as he did so. The bright phone lit up his face, as he typed in a text, but from here, you could see his fingers trembling.
The vendors were rushing to close all the food shops before the rain came in. The sound of people scrambling with their blankets and snacks to get inside. Car doors being shut, and engines being started.
“Please just let me explain, so you can understand what’s going on in my head”
You needed to calm down. This was always going to happen, and you shouldn’t be surprised. You shouldn’t be heartbroken and so fucking weak.
You nodded, “Go ahead”
He grabbed your hand in urgency but you didn’t stop him, “I knew how upset it would make you, and I’m so fucking sorry. I knew the moment that I told you, it would be real, and is it crazy if I wanted the summer to last longer? I was being selfish and I wasn’t thinking”
You took a deep breath, his words calming you down by the second, “It’s not selfish. I..I’m sorry. I just thought you were hiding it from me, and…I got upset. How long have you known?”
“Barely two days” He admitted, and then, “That’s kind of why I was rushing through your list”
A laugh escaped you, at the lost innocence of that sentence, “What? My list is not… important, Hyunjin”
He frowned, “It was to me…”
The cold water draped over your forehead, dripping down your eyes, tracing your nose, falling into your mouth. You should be sane, and walk out of this storm before you both fell sick. Hyunjin was just watching you, and you think his heart was broken too. For a reason different to yours.
“A few hours…” You realised, and you were already losing time.
He squeezed your hand, “If you would let me, I’d like to spend them with you”
The rain intensified, transforming into a downpour, drowning out the last of his sentence. Everybody must have left the drive-in theater by now and that meant it was just you and him in the middle of this summer storm.
You felt like a broken record, “I wish I knew”
“Why?” He bent down to your height, voice softening, “It…wouldn’t have changed anything”
You took in a deep breath. He was right.
It wouldn’t have changed anything.
His eyes were exploring yours, apologetic, and you could understand what went on in his head. If you could spare Hyunjin the pain of something sad, you would have done the same.
He was getting drenched in the storm, and you’d feel guilty if he fell sick because of you, “Are you okay?” He asked you.
You suddenly felt numb.
Why shouldn’t you be okay?
“I’ll only be a few hours away from you” He reassured you, and then chuckled softly, “It’s not like I’m moving to another country”
A loud honk pulled you out of the conversation.
Yuqi’s truck was to the side, parked on the dirt road, and Yeonjun was poking his head out of the window, “What the hell are you two still doing out there?”
You looked back at Hyunjin, swallowing, “We should go”
“Come on” He spoke, guiding you towards the car with his hand on your back. You rushed inside, arms around yourself to be warm. He went around the back, getting in through the other side, and he was completely soaked, hair dripping, “Sorry for getting your seats wet, Yuqi”
She told him it was fine, and Yeonjun turned round to ask, “Am I taking you straight home then, Y/N?”
Yuqi gave you a sympathetic look in the rearview mirror. Felix must have told her what the argument had been about.
You glanced at Hyunjin. He thought you were angry at him. Well, you were a bit. But never enough to ignore him like this. This was his last night here. Everything felt so sudden, and rushed, and you weren’t sure you’d even understood it, but you had be mature about this.
“No, I’m…not going home” You told Yeonjun.
Hyunjin raised his eyebrows, as if to ask if you were sure.
He was crazy if he thought you’d let him go without even saying goodbye.
“Can I come to your place?”
He nodded, in a single breath answering, “Of course”
Every second spent arguing over this was one less second with him. Yeonjun drove away from the loading dock, and time was slipping away and you glanced at Hyunjin. He was looking out at the town as it passed by, and he looked so fucking lost…or nostalgic.
Daejon passed by in a blur, as you drove to his house.
It would be selfish of you to think you were the only one affected by this. He was the one who would have to go back the life he’d left behind.
You drove past Aera’s, and Hyunjin’s gaze lingered on it, long after you’d already passed it. The car ride was quiet, other than the music Yuqi was playing, but you’d tuned it out.
Hyunjin’s eyebrows were furrowed as he watched the blur of trees and homes and places you’d come to spend all of your time in this summer. It was like he was trying to take everything in but Yeonjun drove faster than his memories could catch up.
His hand was on his thigh, fingers trembling still, and you don’t know if it was from the cold or if he was scared.
Your heart squeezed in your chest.
You reached over without thinking, hand settling over his, and immediately, he was calm.
»»————-
Hyunjin’s room was ripped bare.
The art had been taken off the walls, the paint canisters had been stashed out of sight, the mattress was naked of the blue sheets and comforter you’d grown to love.
Cardboard boxes lay under his window, taped up and sealed shut.
His art wasn’t decorating the room anymore, instead it lay packed under layers of bubble wrap and paper.
It was strange, because you’d only been here a few times, enough to count on one hand, but it felt like a loss. Empty rooms always made you sad. It signified the end of something.
Yeonjun’s room had stayed empty, and even when he visited home, he’d live out of his suitcase. After all, nobody took the time to hang back picture frames on the walls.
Your gut tinged with sadness.
Hyunjin stood at the other side of the room, arms crossed, emanating a calm silence.
Your eyes met his, a strange resignation within them. You hugged yourself, arms coming round your body in a comforting embrace.
The room was far too barren for your liking, but compared to outside, at least it was warm here.
With difficulty you found the words, “How does it feel? To see your room like this?”
He cleared his throat, and his hair was still wet, chestnut strands sticking to his skin, “Honestly?”
“Yeah”
“I don’t feel anything”
Maybe that was the saddest answer you could hear.
Your indignant look made him clarify further.
His Adam’s apple bobbed before he spoke, “I…I know that’s weird. I thought I’d be sad, but I don’t really feel anything”
“I get that” You nodded, leaning against the wall, movements mirroring his.
“You do?” He tilt his head, fiddling with the pendant around his neck.
You did get him, but you can’t seem to elaborate.
After all, you’ve never had to deal with anything of this nature.
You’ve lived in the same place your whole life. The same room. The same bed. The same view from your window every morning and night.
How could you know what goodbyes felt like?
“I thought I’d be sadder” He continues upon your silence, “I just don’t feel much of anything, and that makes me…feel sad. Shouldn’t I be just a little upset?”
“Maybe you haven’t processed it yet?” You offered.
He shook his head, frown lines on his forehead, “It’s not that”
You couldn’t comprehend what he felt, and all you could do was guess, “Maybe it’s too soon”
His eyebrows shot up, as if he realised something utterly significant about himself. Yet he didn’t share it with you. He slipped his hands deeper into his pockets, adjusting his posture against the wall.
A black suitcase stood between you, and you wonder what he’d put in it. What was he taking with him? It was strange to imagine that his entire summer here had fit into just those four cardboard boxes. There must have been things he discarded, or gave away.
What did he leave behind?
“So…how will you take all this stuff back?” You asked, gesturing over to the boxes.
“I’m not. I’m just taking my luggage with me” He explained, “I just packed everything else so it’d be easier for my aunt to take care of the house when I’m gone”
When he’s gone.
“That’s thoughtful of you” You smiled, gazing at the other boxes pushed under his bed, “What about your art supplies? Are you taking them too?”
He shook his head, chuckling nervously, “No, I had no space in my bag”
Your eyebrows shot up, “How are you going to paint when you’re in the city then?”
“I doubt I’ll have time at first” He admit.
Your heart clenched. Another loss.
“But…when I do, I’ll just get new supplies” He continued, so simply.
Your eyes narrowed, “Hwang Hyunjin… do you have any idea how expensive art supplies are?”
A hint of a smile appeared on his face, “I know, but I have no choice. There’s an art shop in Hongdae. I’ve passed it a hundred times. I think I’ll finally visit it”
“You’re going to forget all about Aera’s then” You frowned.
He hummed, smiling at you, “I could never”
You smiled, and a comfortable silence fell upon you.
He moved across his room to sit against the desk, “I am kind of sad about putting away all my art though. They’re just going to collect dust forever”
“Maybe you can put them back up when you come back” You suggested.
He nodded, “Right. When I’m back.”
He traced a hand against his empty desk. Just a few days ago, it was full of clutter, flower vases, and pretty candles, and pencils of different sizes. The first night he’d come to Aera’s he’d bought a little canvas and a single pencil from you.
That was so long ago, and you smiled to yourself at the memory.
“You’re really not going to miss home, and your room?”
“I have something of yours” He interrupted, ignoring your questions entirely.
“Oh…okay” Is all you can seem to muster.
He pulled open the drawers, and you move towards him. He’d cleared out everything from within them too. Including all his paint supplies, his knick-knacks, the hair ties… and that box of condoms you saw once…
Was he leaving that behind?
Or had he packed that too?
Maybe it’d be useful to him in the city.
The thought made you choke up, and you turned away, giving him space to look for whatever he was looking for.
He finally pulled open the last drawer, and spoke, “I found it when cleaning, and uh, I don’t know how but I forgot to return it,”
You stepped forward to take a glimpse, standing shoulder-to-shoulder with him.
“My sketchbook!” You realised, recognising the torn-up leather cover.
Pulling it out, you flipped it open, seeing the sketches you made on countless train journeys, “Honestly…I didn’t even know you have this”
Hyunjin laughed, and your gaze darted to his.
It was the first he’d laughed like this since he’d told you he was leaving.
“I promise I didn’t steal it or anything” He admitted, “You never took it back after Felix’s birthday”
“That was ages ago. I guess I have far too many sketchbooks to keep count” You hummed, flipping further through the book, seeing the drawings Hyunjin had filled it with on the journey, when you’d given it to him. You felt him move closer to you, body stopping right behind yours.
You traced your fingers against the ink, trying not to get distracted by his breathing on your neck, “The beach cabin. You drew it”
Hyunjin nodded, looking over your shoulder at the picture, “I did. That was…a good night”
You craned your neck to look at him, a laugh escaping, “Really? I felt kind of bad for dragging you along for that whole trip. Ended up being pretty shitty”
He smiled, eyes flickering over you, “Not all of it”
You flipped to another page, but Hyunjin’s hand reached out to stop you. You looked at him questioningly.
“Uh…you can go through that later. We don’t have much time”
You nodded, keeping it aside. He walked over, sitting on the mattress, and stared out through the window. It was still raining fiercely, a thunderstorm raging outside.
“If it wasn’t raining, we could have gone stargazing” He realised.
The disappointed in his tone pulled at your heartstrings, “Maybe it’ll pass soon”
He shook his head, “No, I checked — It’s going to be cloudy till noon tomorrow. I’ll already be gone by then”
“Oh”
It was hard to put his words into comprehension.
He was really going to be gone.
You’d gotten so used to seeing him all the time, everywhere. He would show up at your job, and he would go around town with you, and a part of you felt like he’d always be here to do that.
After a while, he sighed, “I guess I was looking forward to doing something cool with you…before I have to leave”
You stared at the rain, the droplets trailing down his windowsill, racing to the bottom, “This could be nice too. It hasn’t rained like this in months”
He nodded in silent agreement, and you watched the downpour, quietly, stealing glances at him. There was a sense of awkwardness and emptiness in the air.
He wasn’t being honest with you about everything, but you didn’t want to push. It felt like he was holding back yet again, and you wish he’d just tell you everything on his mind.
Flashes of lightning lit up his face every few minutes, and he looked out at the dark garden like it held all the answers to life, and the universe.
“Hyunjin…” You spoke.
He glanced at you, and his eyes looked sad.
You were counting down the fleeting moments left with him. Was he too?
It broke your heart. Why was he so quiet when you only had a few hours together?
You couldn’t push him, but each second mattered.
So you walked over to him, kneeling on the floor so you could look at him, “What’s wrong?”
His eyes darted between yours, lips parted, as he thought over your question.
“I don’t know” His voice quivered.
You placed a hand on his leg, to ground him, “You wanted me to come over”
He swallowed, “I did”
“Why?”
“I don’t want to be alone right now”
“You’re not” You assured him, patting lightly on his knee, “What are you thinking about?”
“Shouldn’t I feel sad?” He asked, “Something has to be wrong with me”
“What do you mean?” You frowned.
“You asked me earlier if I will miss Daejon, but I only feel numb. I cried when I left Seoul, but why do I feel nothing leaving here?”
His words were heavy, and you don’t know if you were qualified to answer him, because you were too emotionally invested in this, and in him.
“Maybe you haven’t processed it yet”
He looked back at the garden, fence, and skies, “Yeah, I can’t believe I’m going to be back in the city tomorrow. It feels like a world apart, and I can’t really grasp leaving this”
“I mean, it is a world apart, Hyunjin”
He looked at you, “I feel like I never got the chance to settle here. It’s been so temporary. I always knew I was only here for a little while, and I can’t get myself to feel sad”
“It’s not like… an obligation, Hyun. I can’t imagine how it feels like to live two places. If you don’t feel a certain way, you can’t force it”
He nodded, quietly staring ahead at his garden.
He was stuck between two places, and two lives. He’d always told you about that.
Even though he wasn’t sad, he didn’t seem happy either, so you said, “What are you looking forward to the most when you get back?”
“Meeting the guys” He responded, in a heartbeat, and then smiled at his own eagerness, “I’m also excited to just be able to do my job again”
“Yeah?” You asked, taking a seat next to him so you could be level with him, “Do you already have your schedule for the next few weeks?”
He nodded, “Mmh. It’s kind of crazy, but it’ll be nice to be that busy again”
You shifted closer to him, as did he, with the pouring rain in backdrop. It was isolating, but comforting, “What else?”
“Hmm?”
“What else are you excited about?”
Hyunjin’s lips pulled up into a smile, “To step into the dance studio. Man, I’ve missed that more than anything”
You smiled, “Yeah?”
“When I was a trainee, I basically slept there.” He hummed, and despite the obvious hardships he hinted at, his memory came from a place of fondness and comfort.
His eyes crinkled as he remembered something else, “It’s funny. It happened so often. Our manager installed a small bench there, so I could pass out on it, instead of killing my back on the hardwood floor”
“Wow. That’s so nice of him” You smiled, watching his eyes lit up talking about his home.
“I also can’t wait to get back to the recording studio. Chan told me details about the next album. Apparently, he, uh, wants me to have a couple of my own songs on it”
Your eyes widened, “Wait, what do you mean?”
As far as you knew, all of their songs were written by his team members.
“Um” He laughed nervously, crossing his legs, “Like songs I write just by myself, and produce”
“I didn’t know you write songs” You admitted, feeling stupid. Sadness settled in your stomach, as you realised there was so much you still didn’t know much about Hyunjin.
There was so much you wanted to know, to discover about him.
Hyunjin laughed, “I try to, I haven’t released my own yet. The guys usually take care of that, so this will be a first…I don’t even know what I’ll write about”
“But…have you written songs before?”
He nodded, “I used to write a lot on tour, but I never really felt confident enough to release them”
Curiosity flooded you, “What kind of things do you write about?”
He laughed, “You’ll be disappointed, it’s kind of cheesy…and mainstream”
“I don’t care”
He smiled, “You’ll be the first to hear if I finish”
“Are you excited to see Chan?”
He laughed, “Insanely. Jisung and Binnie too. I can’t believe I went so long without them. Hopefully they haven’t burnt the dorm down”
He grimaced at the thought, and then laughed, “And Jisung…man, I think I’ll squeeze the life out of him when I see him, and not let go. He’s been through far too much in my absence”
“They must be missing you a lot” You spoke, watching his fond smile.
You would miss so many moments in his life.
Crucial moments that would redefine him as a person.
You would miss the excitement in his eyes when he reunited with the boys again. You’d miss the work he would put into the self-composed songs, and the satisfaction of his smile when he finished.
So many little and bigger moments of happiness, the kind of things that make a person.
The next time you saw him, he’d probably be so different from who he was now.
You would both have changed as people, grown apart from each other.
But he was smiling at everything he had to look forward to, and that’s all you wanted in the moment. For him to feel happy.
“We still have a few hours left. It’s your last night. Is there anything in particular you wanted to do?”
Hyunjin tilt his head, “I didn’t really plan for anything… I was just hoping you’d spend it with me”
He already seemed so much more relaxed, and you were glad.
“Do you need help cleaning anything or packing up?”
He shook his head, “I think everything’s done but…we could have drinks together, if you want?”
His last night in town should be memorable.
“That sounds perfect” You smiled, getting off the bed, as you followed Hyunjin back to the kitchen.
He had changed from his storm-drenched clothes into simple sweatpants, and they fit him well, sitting comfortably on his hips. The hoodie was also simple, and it looked soft enough to touch, like it was made from the finest wool in the country.
“What do you usually like to have, Y/N?” Hyunjin reached up to the cabinets at the very top, his height allowing him to do so with ease, “I know that you liked the rosé when we went to the paint event, and I know that you absolutely hate beer”
You laughed at the memory, jumping up to sit comfortably on the kitchen counter. Hyunjin glanced at you briefly, smiling to himself at the position, and how you’d made yourself at home.
You thought about it, but you weren’t a big cocktail drinker, so you hummed, “I’ll have anything you’ll have”
“You’re easily influenced” He laughed, “What if you hate my taste?”
You smiled at him, swinging your legs gently against the counter, “I trust you”
He made a face, “Now I have to live up to your unrealistically high expectations of me. Isn’t that too much pressure for my last night?”
You threw your hands up in defense, “You’re the one who suggested we have drinks, Hyun”
He smiled, peering at the alcohol he had in his cabinet. There wasn’t too much, since he rarely lived here, and you don’t suppose his aunt was a big drinker.
“Have you ever tried a Dolce Vita?” He asked you, the drink's name slipping from his lips so smoothly, and you guessed it was Italian from his pronunciation, but Hyunjin made it sound so expensive.
“Can’t say that I have”
He stepped towards you, body touching your legs, but still not close enough, “I think it’s your kind of a drink”
“What makes you say that?” You tilt your head.
He thought over his words, mulling them in his head, “It’s…classy. It’s elegant, and it’s…romantic”
You stilled, watching him describe it.
“It’s pink, and…it has dark chocolate on top” He continued, and then smiled to himself, “It fits you really well”
You smiled, heat flushing to your chest, and cheeks, “What’s the catch?”
“I don’t have all the ingredients” He spoke, a soft pout on his lips, “But I can make you another drink, that you might like”
“When did you even learn all these recipes? I didn’t know you’re a connoisseur”
He laughed, stepping back towards the cabinet to check the ingredients, “I’m not, but Chan taught me a few. He and Kairi…make their own cocktails a lot”
“I hope I can meet them one day” You spoke.
Hyunjin glanced at you over his shoulder, “You’d love Kairi. She’s…so much like you”
You thought, still swaying your legs, “Does that mean Chan would love me too?”
He chuckled, and his shoulders shook from the action, “He kind of already does”
It was still pouring outside, and you looked at the droplets cascading down the kitchen window. It was kind of nice to be trapped in this house with him. It was a big place too, and it was empty, and just the two of you. It was like you were two kids playing house.
Hyunjin was fiddling with different liqueurs, and you could hear the clinking of glasses, and spoons as he moved things around on the counter. You would help him if you could, but you had no experience in mixology and he had it handled. It was calming, to listen to the thunder, and just sit here.
“What are you making now, Hyun?” You asked, fiddling with the cuts in your jeans.
“It’s called the Queen of Hearts”
You laughed, “I have never heard of these names. Are they just for rich people…or something?”
He tsked, shaking his head “I’m not that rich, Y/N”
“Statistically speaking, you’re…like in one of the biggest bands in our country”
He smiled softly at you again, “How do you know that? Did you read about me online?”
“Maybe I did” You flushed, “Sometimes you show up on my Instagram. Your fans are very loyal, you know?”
He laughed, turning around to look at you, and you could see he was shaking a liquid in a glass, “I sure hope you don’t believe everything you see about me though. There’s a lot of false news out there”
“So, what, you haven’t dated like every female pop star in the country?” You teased him, exaggerating.
He rolled his eyes, turning back to the counter, to put the glass down, “Did someone actually say that I did?”
“Of course not” You smiled, “That wouldn’t be a believable rumour”
“You’d be surprised what people believe” He laughed, and then paused to say, “I’ve only ever dated one”
Your eyebrows shot up, “A pop star?”
“Yeah”
You looked at him, and you were so curious suddenly, albeit a lot of it stemmed from envy. Whoever had the honor of dating Hyunjin…did they know how lucky they were?
Was in he love with her?
Was she?
You imagined it in your head — the dates he would go on, and the kind of romantic things he would say. He was already such a nice person to you, and you two were just friends. What would he be like…with the girl that he loves?
A pit of jealousy settled in your stomach, so deep, that it ached.
“So, um, I added less liquor to yours just so you can taste it. If you like it, I can give you some more” He spoke, turning to delicately hand you the wine glass. The drink was the color of champagne.
You peered at the drink, “What’s in it?”
He tilt his head, thinking, “It’s a bit of gin, wine, and…some lemon juice. For the sweet flavour, I added a syrup to it. It’s dahlia…I think you’ll love that”
You stared at him as he explained it, “You’re kidding me”
You reached for the glass, but he immediately pulled it back before you could.
“Wait! I forgot something”
“What?” You laughed, “What else could possibly be missing? The tears of angels?”
He rolled his eyes, “Ha-ha”
You tried to grab it, “Just give it to me. I’m sure it’s fine”
He shook his head, pulling the drink away from your hold, “No, this is the last drink I’m making you. It has to be perfect”
“It’s also the first drink you’ve made me” You pointed out.
He laughed, holding up a finger, “Give me just one minute. I’ll be back”
He placed the glass back on the countertop, and slipped his shoes on.
“Wait, what?”
“I have to run to the garden for something” He told you over his shoulder.
“But there’s a storm out” You exclaimed, dumbly.
He pulled the hood up, looking back at you as he zipped it up fully, “I’ll be fine”
“Hyunjin, don’t go” You laughed, “I’m sure the drink is fine without it”
He shook his head, and he was already halfway out the door. As soon as he pushed open the wooden door, a gust of wind blew in, bringing with it tiny leaves and some rain. The thunder was so much louder now that the door was open, and Hyunjin ran out, shoes put on halfway, and it was so silly that he was doing all this for just a drink.
You waited with bated breath, but you couldn’t see out into the garden from here, so you had no idea what he was up to.
Minutes passed, and you waited in his kitchen, sat on the countertop.
“Holy shit. It’s fucking pouring!” He yelled, running back inside, and he was completely wet, from head to toe. He slipped off his shoes at the back entrance, walking to you barefoot.
“Oh my god” You mumbled, watching the water drip off him, “I told you it was a bad idea”
His fist was closed around something, and you wonder what he got from the garden.
He grabbed your wine glass, and dropped something in it, “You’ll change your mind after you try this”
He then smiled proudly, handing it to you.
Your eyes widened, as you peered into the glass.
A pretty flower floated on top of the gin, its pink petals wet from the liquid, giving the entire drink an illusion of a pastel paint.
“A flower?” You asked, giggling in disbelief.
“It’s edible” He explained, smiling still, “It’s perfect for you”
“Did you get one for yourself too?”
“Mmh” He nodded, showing you his. The flower floated on the top beautifully, dissolving partially into the liquid. Your drinks looked beautiful together, ethereal and completely fitting to who Hyunjin was as a person.
“Aren’t you cold?”
“I am” He admitted, and then looked just a tad regretful, “But I packed away all my spare clothes”
“Maybe you should’ve thought this all through” You giggled.
“To be fair, I wasn’t thinking” He shrugged, “It’s fine. It’ll dry out”
He reached behind his neck, peeling off his grey hoodie. The white t-shirt he wore inside rose up with the simple action, revealing his stomach in a glimpse. Like a teenage girl, your heart jumped at the little display of skin. He tossed the hoodie to the side, and stepped closer to you.
His hair looked darker when wet, almost a shade of black, sticking to his face and his cheeks. He puffed, pushing it back behind his ears. You noticed his pendant, stuck in the front of his shirt as he stepped closer to you.
You weren’t thinking as you reached forward, grabbing the thin silver chain around his neck and tugged it out, so it fell against his chest instead.
Hyunjin was frozen still at the action, darting down to see what you were doing and then looking back up at you.
Your hand was still on the chain, and every part of you wanted to pull him closer by it, so you could kiss him. Right now didn’t seem like a good time for that though. He was feeling all kinds of emotions and vulnerability …if he wanted to kiss you tonight, he would have.
The thought of letting Hyunjin go — without feeling his lips again — hurt you, but it was a reality you’d accept. You’d been all over the place with him recently, never having defined what it meant, or why you kept making out without talking about it.
Maybe it was just a summer fling for him, because he’d made it plenty clear you two could never be anything more.
You cleared your throat, dropping your hand, “Now, can we try the drink? I’m dying to taste it”
He nodded a yes, and you held your glasses up, clinking them against each other. The sound echoed in the empty house. As you did that, he looked right into your eyes, and you felt a familiar shiver run down your spine. You lift the glass up to your lips, tasting the liquid, and Hyunjin watched you as you did so. His eyes on you made you feel a little shy, but that was soon overpowered by how good the drink tasted.
It smelled, and tasted just like flowers and sweetness, and you let out a moan of satisfaction, “Fuck. That’s…revolutionary”
Hyunjin smiled, eyes crinkling, and only after that did he sip his drink. It tasted like a dark chocolate tart, and like flavourful berries grown on a farm.
“Have you ever considered…becoming a mixologist instead of an idol?”
He laughed, stepping close to the counter so that he lingered at your footsteps. If you opened your legs up just a bit, he could stand between your thighs but you weren’t sure it was appropriate. So, you stayed the way you were, sitting on the countertop, and Hyunjin stood as close as possible, his lower stomach grazing against your knees.
“Maybe when I retire” He joked, swirling the drink around in his glass.
“No, but this is seriously so good” You told him, genuinely now, “Is there anything that you can’t do?”
“Stop” His face turned red, and he looked embarrassed, “It’s just a drink. I didn’t do anything else”
“Well, nobody’s ever made me a Queen of Hearts before”
He glanced up at you, “They’re missing out on a great opportunity then”
“Mmh. I’m sure nobody’s dying to do that”
His smile fell, hand landing on your knee, “Don’t do that”
“Do what…?”
“Talk down about yourself”
You blinked. It really wasn’t your intention to do that. You were just being honest. Nobody you knew in your life, or in all of Daejon would ever make a drink like this for you. There wasn’t anything wrong with that, but it was just the truth.
So it was interesting that he interpreted it as such, as if your reply offended him.
“I wasn’t” You clarified, “I just meant…there’s not a lot of guys in Daejon with skill sets like yours”
The way you said it made you cringe, it came out sounding so professionally formal.
He looked up at you, sincere expression, “That’s…a compliment I’ve never got before”
You broke into a laugh, and absentmindedly put your hand over his, the one that rested on your knee. His hand dwarfed yours in comparison, but you drew circles over it as you talked, “Well, I have a gift and a burning desire for pleasing others or I’ll shrivel up and die”
Hyunjin laughed, squeezing your knee, and his hair was wet, but it was already beginning to dry up around his face.
“I like when you’re like that” He suddenly spoke, eyes focused on his drink, not you.
You took a sip of it too, watching him, “When I’m like what?”
“I don’t know” He looked up, “Confident. Funny. Yourself. Not…sad”
“You make it sound like I’m always depressed”
He shook his head, “You know what I mean”
“I don’t”
He sighed, as if wondering whether to say it or not.
You drew a star on his hand, the one that rest on your knee, “Tell me. It’s our last night together anyway”
It seemed like that was the push he needed, and he placed his glass to the side, “The past few weeks you haven’t seemed the most…happy. I know that you were having a lot of trouble with your friends, and with the art program application” He trailed off, looking guilty again, “And because of me…”
You stayed quiet, letting him continue.
“I guess it was just not a great time for you. But tonight, when I’m talking to you…it feels like those problems don’t exist in the moment. I know I have to leave tomorrow, and I know you were upset about that, and you have every right to be, but right now…it feels like you’re less burdened somehow”
You didn’t know he noticed so many things about you, and so your heart warmed at just that implication. Hearing him recount what you’d been going through, you also felt a little emotional.
He looked up at you, looking a little panicked, “Or I could be completely wrong. You can correct me”
“No” You refuted, “You’re not wrong. I do feel…less burdened. I guess I just never thought of it like that. For me, it just felt like each day was getting progressively worse. I didn’t look at it from any other perspective”
“Yeah… but things will work out for you, Y/N” He said so simply, “I know that sounds preach-y, but… it may feel like everything in your life is going wrong somehow, but I assure you it’s not. Every bad day you’ve recently had…all of that won’t matter soon enough, and so you have to know that this sadness isn’t forever”
You blinked, staring at him. Absentmindedly, his hand slid further up your leg, drifting from your knee to your thigh. You let it.
He pushed his stray hair back with his other hand, tucking the strands behind his ear, “And I know how much this art program meant to you, I’ve had my share of failed dreams before, so I know how gut-wrenching it is, but this isn’t the end of your art journey. You know that right?”
“How can you be so sure?”
“Well, it can’t be. You have a gift, and…I know that it’s not going to waste”
You smiled, cheeks full from his words, “You have a gift too, you know?”
He locked eyes with you, and he was blushing too, and his fingers rest at your upper thigh now, “Yeah? What’s that?”
“You have...such a good heart, Hyunjin”
His eyes widened, hanging on to your every word.
“You’re the kindest person I know. It doesn’t sound like much, but…I’ve not met many people like you, genuinely good people. I respect that…a lot. You deal with so much bullshit in your life, but you still find a way to be happy”
His eyes lit up, a gorgeous smile appearing on his face, “Isn’t that the point of everything? The endgame”
You laughed, “It is. It what we’re all working towards. I just wish everyone else could be like you”
He smiled at your words, and you would miss this so much. The kind of ideas that you could talk about for hours. He looked beautiful like this. He looked like the most beautiful thing in the world when he was happy. He was shy too, biting his upper lip, and his cheeks were all red.
So you continued, to make that emotion last as long as you could, “I’m serious. You have such a kind heart, Hyunjin. You put your soul into everything you do, even if that’s just talking to someone at the grocery store or something. I think if someone met you, even for just a day in their life, you’d impact them forever”
His eyes crinkled with each sentence, bashful smile appearing, “Thank you”
You took another sip, and you watched him.
He was finishing his drink faster than you, and you just wanted him to be closer.
So, you lift your legs up, folding them on the counter, sitting cross-legged while facing him. His eyebrow shot up, for just a second, before he realised why you did that. He stepped closer, till his body was pressed to the counter, and his face was inches apart from you.
He lift his glass up, indulging in the last drink, but his eyes stayed on you, and his hand was on your thigh again.
“Thank you for the drink and… for the pep talk. I really enjoyed that” You told him.
He placed his empty glass next to you, a sincere look in his eyes, “That’s what I’m here for”
You couldn’t stop yourself from smiling, and you felt like your cheekbones would hurt.
“Everybody deserves to have someone like you in their lives, Hyunjin”
He was smiling too, cheeks full, eyes twinkling, “You too, Y/N”
You went to sip your drink, but it was already empty and you stared at the glass in your lap, “I finished it”
Hyunjin stared at your lap too, and the petals in the glass balanced in the space between your legs, “Do you want another?”
“Another drink?” You looked up at him.
He nodded, and his cheeks were so flushed, so he was already a little tipsy, “We can make a stronger one”
“You have a train to catch in the morning. Is that a good idea?”
“I’ll be fine” He reassured you, “This night is more important to me than that”
You clutched the counter on both sides, and nodded, “Okay. Another drink sounds good to me then”
He nodded, eyes half-lidded, “Can I have your glass?”
You hummed, “Yeah” but you made no effort to give it to him.
So, his eyes flickered from yours, to the glass between your legs.
Carefully, he reached for it, trying to grasp the thin stem. You didn’t move an inch, holding your breath.
His fingers brushed against your inner thighs, and he stilled. But he didn’t say anything.
He went straight for it, and grabbed the wine glass, so near to where you needed him the most.
Careful, he lifted it up from between your legs, and then finally you could breathe again. He walked over to the cabinet, “What kind of drink do you want this time?”
“I’ll trust your judgement”
He busied himself yet again, explaining what he was making, using up all the leftover gin he had. You watched him as he worked. The t-shirt was fitted, and it was a little wet from the rain, sticking to his body tightly. That must be uncomfortable.
As he moved about, pouring the gin into your glasses, you focused on how his back muscles flexed and relaxed. He was so good with his hands, as he worked swiftly and quickly.
Your head was already beginning to spin.
“You have anything to eat?” You asked.
He looked back at you, “Are you dizzy?”
“Just a bit” You reassured him with a smile, “I am hungry though”
He turned, hands on his hips, and you found it hard to focus on his face. The t-shirt was basically see-through at this point, sticking to every ridge and muscle in his body, clinging to him.
“I might have some chocolate, but I don’t remember if I packed it in my suitcase already”
“You know what, don’t worry about it” You waved it off with your hand, “I’ll be fine”
He looked worried, “You sure?”
“Mmh-mh”
“And you’re okay to have another drink? We don’t need to”
“No, we won’t get to do this again, so yes I’m okay”
This was your last night, your brain kept screaming at you, again and again.
He turned to finish garnishing the drink. His hair was still long enough to brush his shoulders, and it stuck to the back of his neck, and the shade of brown really suited him. You wanted to run your hands through it, feel the wet hair between your fingertips, scratch it with your nails.
His girlfriend…she must have had the honour to do that, whenever she wanted.
Unlike you. You always had to wait for moments.
Moments like the one in the Photobooth. Or under the fireflies.
The special moments you lived for.
You couldn’t just casually walk up to him, and kiss him.
You were a little tipsy, so you didn’t think twice, “Can I ask you about her?”
He paused, and asked you, “Her?”
“The pop star you dated”
Understanding sank into his shoulders, and he handed you the glasses. The second round of drinks were ready. Standing opposite you, he crossed one arm over his stomach, drinking with the other hand.
“You don’t have to, if you don’t feel comfortable” You added, watching him carefully.
He didn’t seem uncomfortable.
He tipped his head back, drinking, and then looked at you, “You really want to know?”
“Yeah” You gripped the counter, and your drink lay to the side, untouched.
You added, “I mean she’s your ex, and…we’re friends. Friends talk about that kind of stuff”
He nodded, slightly, “They do”
You were relieved, never wanting to make him uncomfortable, but you were burning with curiosity.
“What do you want to know?” He tilt his head.
“How did you meet her?”
He suddenly relaxed, as if he’d been expecting you to ask much harder questions, “Oh, uh. She was training at the same company I was. On a different floor, of course. She was one of the top trainees of her year, and…we would practice at the same time, overnight. I bumped into her a few times then”
“Oh. Sounds like she worked really hard”
Hyunjin nodded, “I mean, we had no choice, but yeah…she was one of the few who really pushed herself. Some days it felt impossible to debut, so you really only made it if you worked your ass off, you know?” He then paused, as if wondering whether to say the next thing or not, but he did it anyway, “That’s what I liked the most about her”
Your gut clenched, but your curiosity overshadowed the jealousy that was eating you up.
“So…did you ask her out? Or did she?”
He took another sip of his drink, glancing briefly to the floor and then up at you, “Yeah. I had a stupid teenage crush on her”
The words were enough to make you finally pick up your drink, and perhaps you needed to be inebriated before listening to this.
A fucking crush. She must have been the luckiest girl in the world to be crushed on by Hwang Hyunjin. You wondered what she looked like, but maybe it was better not to know. She was a star, she was probably perfect.
If he ever told you he had a crush on you, you’d probably pass out.
“Was that allowed…? To date another trainee?”
Hyunjin then laughed, shaking his head, “Um, not at all. It was forbidden”
Oh.
It was forbidden, but he did it anyway.
“You must have liked her a lot”
He hummed, swirling the liquid in his glass, “I was a stupid kid. I wasn’t thinking”
“So you regret it?”
He shook his head, “No. I needed the experience”
“Of dating?”
“That, but also…a month or so after we started going out, one of her friends was asked to leave the company because she was caught up in a scandal. A dating one. That made me realise that I was risking my entire life, and my dream, for…a girl”
“How’d you do it?”
“Do what?” He seemed confused.
Your body was alight with all of this information.
“Keep it a secret for that long”
He smiled a bit at the memory, “Um. We found ways. We’d meet after dinner, and during late-night practices. Sometimes really early in the morning”
You think you would die.
“Did you fuck?”
Hyunjin’s eyes shot up to yours, wide, surprised.
You don’t know what the hell possessed you to say that, but you didn’t budge, indicating to him that it was okay to answer.
He slowly nodded, tongue poking his cheek, “Yeah. We did”
You were dying.
But for some godforsaken reason, you needed to know the details. As if the thoughts of his secret dating days was arousing to you.
“Tell me more”
He til his head, words at the tip of his tongue. He wanted to ask you if you really wanted to know, or why you were so curious, but he didn’t ask.
You wouldn’t have asked if you weren’t prepared to hear the answer.
Hyunjin was staring at you, assessing every little detail of your facial expression, and you wanted to seem confident. You weren’t some kid.
You could hear about him having sex, and not freak out.
Thoughts of him fucking some pop star should kill you, but it didn’t. Your core was tight, with anticipation, with imagination. You pressed your thighs together, waiting for him to talk.
“Um…” He paused, to take another sip. Perhaps he needed some liquid courage too sometimes, “It was never…we never had too much time on our hands. It was always quick. Rushed, but I think that’s where half of the thrill of it was. The fear of being caught anytime. If we weren’t quick, we wouldn’t have been able to…”
Your heart was pounding.
Images flashing in your head.
He looked into your eyes, and you just nodded, for him to continue. If he looked at your hands, he would see your knuckles were white from gripping the counter too hard.
“It was hot” He spoke, Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed, “The secrecy. The…shared glances. Nobody but us knew what went on. During group sessions, we would watch each other…in the practice room. Working out. Dancing”
“And?”
It wasn’t enough.
His eyes had a peculiar expression, like he couldn’t understand why you wanted to know all this stuff, but he told you anyway, “And…on bad days, when she was frustrated or upset, I’d…be there for her. In the way that she wanted”
You took a large sip of your drink, the alcohol sour in your mouth, and your head was beginning to spin. In a good way. You were wet too.
You didn’t think you could ever feel this way.
You were dizzy with want, and with desire, and his name escaped your lips in what was almost a complaint, “Hyunjin…”
“Yeah?” He was immediate to step closer, keeping his glass aside. He put his hands on either side of you, caging you in place, and his voice dropped so low, “Are you gonna tell me why you wanted to know that?”
“I don’t know” You mumbled, “I don’t understand it myself”
He leaned in, watching you, “You’ve had a lot to drink”
“I’m fine”
His voice softened, and he grabbed the glass from you, “I know, but…let’s not drink anymore, okay?”
“Why?” You whined, “It’s your last night”
He out a soft laugh, “It’s not like I’m dying or anything. I’ll only be a few hours away from you”
“A few hours is a lot. I don’t want you to be even a few minutes away” You complained.
He smiled, adoration in his eyes, “So, what do you want then? To stay with me all the time?”
You nodded, eyes closing, “That sounds fair”
He laughed, loudly, “Is it really? What about my job? Is it fair for me to leave all of that?”
“What about me?” You opened your eyes to look at him.
He was so close, just inches away. His wispy bangs stuck to his forehead, grazing his eyebrows. His eyes were full of amusement, they were so brown, and so big.
His lips were thick, tinted with the colors of the drink, and even little accidents like that made him look perfect, like he was sculpted by a great artist. You could admire him for hours.
He tilt his head, “What about you?”
You pursed your lips, feeling sad all of a sudden, “Are you gonna forget all about me?”
His smiled, hand tracing your cheek, “You really think so?”
“Your whole life is waiting for you back there”
He nodded, “It is…”
“You have so much to look forward to” You told him. So much more than what this life here in this little small-town could give him.
He spoke, “Maybe that’s why I’m not sad. I guess because Seoul has always been my home”
Your heart felt heavy at his confession but you understood him, “Hyun…”
“I know. It sounds horrible. I was born here, and this is where my parents used to live before we moved, and this town should mean so much more to me. I feel like I’m betraying…that”
“You’re not betraying anyone, Hyun. You may not feel this town anymore but Daejon will still always be here for you. If you ever need it”
He glanced at you, eyes wide.
“And I will be too” You continued, “If you ever need me”
His mouth parted as he whispered, “Thank you”
You swallowed, staring at his lips, “What do we do now?”
His eyes flickered over you, and he was quiet.
Your heart was racing a mile a minute, and your mind too.
“I don’t know” He finally spoke.
Your heart carried a sense of unfulfilment.
There was more that should happen.
You could talk to each other for hours, and it was endless. Unfortunately, time was linear.
It was finite, and yours with him was coming to an end.
You’d been here for hours, yet it didn’t feel like that.
Hyunjin was staring at you, half-lidded eyes, and empty promises swirled within them.
You swallowed your sadness, trying to find words, “Your manager, he’s going to be coming here soon, right?”
“Yeah. His train will arrive…any time now” He glanced at his phone, “He’s almost here…”
“I should go before he arrives”
Hyunjin nodded, stepping back, “Yeah. He…he can’t see you here”
You jumped off the counter, suddenly unsure what to do or say. This was it.
He was going to be gone soon.
You stared at each other, at a loss for words. You couldn’t even cry. You just felt a certain numbness. The numbness he talked about. Maybe it was the gin.
You also felt like you were in denial, like he would return soon and you’d see him tomorrow morning.
But the last time he left…he didn’t return for years.
Why would now be any different?
“I don’t know what to say” You mumbled, stupidly. There was nothing wrong with being honest.
He was leaving, and you couldn’t breathe. The air in your body wasn’t enough, and you were panicking because you didn’t know what to fucking say. Why had nobody prepared you for goodbyes like this?
In the movies, they were so dramatic, but real life wasn’t like that.
In the books, they were so romantic, but there was no time for love in his life.
Hyunjin’s expression softened, “You don’t have to say anything. I don’t want you to be sad. We’re going to meet again, and we’ll see each other soon”
You nodded, air returning to your lungs, “Right. You’re completely right, Hyunjin”
There was no need to freak out. He wasn’t dying, or anything.
You didn’t want this to be some big deal. You weren’t going to cry, or make a scene.
“It’s only for a little while” He shot you a smile.
“Yeah” Your palms were sweaty, and you wiped them on your jeans. You stared at the kitchen counter, and your wine glasses lay empty. You wish you’d asked for another drink. You wish tonight didn’t have to end. You wish time wasn’t linear, and you could go back.
Fuck. If you could change things, you would have gone back just an hour tonight, and you would have told him you were in love with him.
But it was too late now.
He was just your friend, and he would stay in touch with you, like friends did. It wasn’t any different than what Yeonjun did when he left, or even Seonghwa.
“I should go” You stated, with finality.
Hyunjin nodded, then stepped forward, closing the distance between you until he stood an arm's length away.
“Thank you for coming over” He mentioned, “I wouldn’t have been able to sleep tonight anyway”
“Of course. That’s…what friends are for” You smiled up at him.
He suddenly seemed awkward, hands at his side like he didn’t know what to do, “Can I hug you?”
Why was this so strange?
Why were neither of prepared for this?
You’d never said goodbye to a boy you loved, so you didn’t know how it worked.
You wish there was a manual for this. But even every tutorial in the world couldn’t prepare you for the look in his eyes.
You got up on your toes, pulling him into an embrace, and he immediately hugged you back. His strong arms wrapped around your body, squeezing you in his grip.
You could smell the rain on him, a faint hint of his cologne, his shampoo. You’d want to bottle up his scent, and keep it with you forever. The air smelt like the ground after it rained, and like an unrequited love.
You tried to memorise the shape of his arms on you, and the sound of his heart beat.
Hyunjin let go of you, far too quickly, but it was what you needed, or you’d never leave.
You were in a state of fugue, indulging in actions, but not thinking, not feeling.
You found yourself at the front door, and you don’t remember how you got here. You looked back at him, “Text me when you get to the city, okay?”
He nodded, “I will. Don’t worry, okay?”
All your words seem stuck in you. They can’t seem to make it past your chest.
Maybe a part of you thought there’d be some grand declaration of love by now, but this was real life and those things never happened.
You turned to leave.
“Wait—” He suddenly spoke.
“What?” You asked, anticipation swelling within you.
His wait held so many promises. So much hope.
Wait, I’m in love with you too.
Wait, I’m fucking stupid for leaving you all alone in this town.
Wait, please don’t leave me without kissing me goodbye.
He retreated to the kitchen counter, “Wait — your sketchbook. Don’t forget to take that”
“Oh. Of course” You grabbed it from him, fingers brushing against his.
“Take care of yourself” He spoke, and it was so forced. It was the right thing to say, obviously. It’s what you told people when you wouldn’t see them again for a while.
But it felt wrong, like you were both forcing yourselves to follow traditions, and patterns, but those never worked on the two of you.
You pushed open the door, and a gust of wind blew in. The storm had passed now, so you could get home safely, by yourself, all alone.
Looking over your shoulder as you walked out, you felt nothing. He smiled at you, but it didn’t reach his eyes. His heart wasn’t in it.
You were drained out, and all of your emotions were spent.
You held the sketchbook to your chest, focusing on the sound of your footsteps on the wet pavement, and not on Hyunjin’s house behind you.
You heard the door close behind you, and you squeezed the sketchbook a little harder, willing yourself to walk as fast as you could.
It felt like it would be the most emotionally draining moment of your life, but you felt so numb too.
You passed his front porch and bedroom window, and you remembered the first time you’d come over. How he’d shown you all of his art, and his painting. You’d been surprised to know how wonderfully his mind worked.
Even back then, he’d asked if he could hug you. Always so…fucking nice.
You were already forgetting the feel of his arms around you.
You stopped in your tracks, and you shouldn’t.
You turned around.
His house was beautiful, like him.
Tomorrow, it would be empty.
Right now, it was so full of him, of his love, and of everything that made him him.
Your body took on a mind of its own, and you were walking.
You were walking back to his place. It was stupid.
What the hell were you doing?
You had no plan or idea of what you’d say when you got there, but that couldn’t have been your goodbye.
You needed to see him one more time. Just another minute.
You raised your hand in a fist to knock on his door, but before you could, the door flew open.
He stood there, staring at you, eyes wide.
His hair was messy like he’d run his hand through it a million times since you walked away, but that was only twenty fucking seconds ago.
“Y/N…” He spoke, breathing heavy as his eyes flickered all over you, and the fact that you’d come back.
“What… what were you doing?” You had the audacity to ask him when you didn’t even know what the fuck you were doing.
He was breathing so heavy, chest moving rapidly up and down, “I don’t really know. I was coming after you”
Realisation sank in.
You’d come back to see him again, and in the same breath he was coming after you.
The world was really so cruel.
How could two people be so perfect for each other but be destined to be apart?
You couldn’t say anything, except his name, “Hyun—”
And in the same breath, his lips collided with yours, so hard and fast.
The impact was so powerful you stumbled back, but his arm was tightly wrapped around you, holding you up.
It was tight around your waist, gripping you, and he was devouring you, lips moving against yours like they never should be apart.
You were running out of time.
You kissed him back, hands coming up to his arms, gripping his biceps tight, fingernails digging in.
Time was running and it was slipping away every second that the Earth was turning, but his grip on you was so strong that even a planet couldn’t come between you.
You stood at his doorway, on the threshold, halfway in, halfway out.
He’d never kissed you like this.
His hand slipped into your hair, gripping onto it so tightly it almost hurt, tilting your head back and back as he towered over you. He kept kissing you, pressing pecks against your lips, bruising them.
Your hands drifted into the front of his shirt, and you gripped it in your fists, holding onto him for life.
“Fuck—” He mumbled, in a breath between pecks. Fuck, you’re actually fucking doing this again.
Your body was heating up, and he stopped to let you breathe, moving his mouth over your jawline and leaving kisses to your ear. You were putty in his hands, and he tilt his head the other way, pecking every inch of un-kissed skin.
“You came back” He breathed, pupils dilated as he looked right at you, and both his hands came to hold your face.
“I couldn’t go” You were panting, trying to get the air back in.
“I’m gonna miss you so fucking much” His lips trailed over yours again, tracing your mouth to memory.
“I know, I know” You nodded, realising that you were both tasting your tears. You didn’t even know you had tears.
The door was wide open and it was stupid to do this now, but it was everything. The wind prickled goosebumps up your arms, and legs, and you both kissed each other goodbye.
“Can I just say something?” He asked, breathing heavy.
“There’s no time” You told him, kissing him again, and again.
He laughed slightly, “I’ll be quick”
You pulled away, “Tell me”
He was speaking quickly, trying to get all the words out in one breath, “I know we’ve said it a million times. I know we’re supposed to just be friends, and I know nothing can happen, but…I have no self-control around you. I’m so fucking sorry”
It didn’t make you sad. You’d heard it before, and you embraced it.
“Don’t apologise” You mumbled, and your hands drifted around his waist, feeling him up.
Was it possible to want somebody so bad, knowing it would lead to absolutely nothing?
He swallowed, “I know we have to just be friends…but I’m so fucking attracted to you. Like an absolutely insane amount. It’s impossible for me to pretend I’m not into you”
Each word he said just made you wet, and you kissed him instead of answering.
There was no time, because when were things ever easy for you?
You felt him up, all you could, hands drifting to his ass, and to the front of his pants, squeezing him through his sweatpants.
He left kisses on your jaw, and he felt you up too. His hand squeezed your ass, the other going up the front of your shirt. His fingers grazed your bra, and he pulled you even closer to him.
“Can I take you inside?” He whispered, ”Please, please, please”
“Hyunjin, I don’t wanna be interrupted” You breathed, because that’s what always happened.
“Me neither” He mumbled into your neck, breathing in your scent, “We won’t… go there. We won’t sleep together”
You pulled back to look him in the eyes, because it sounded impossible right now, “Would we be able to stop before that?”
He nodded, “If you can’t, I’ll stop us. Don’t worry”
How could you say no?
So he took your hand, fingers intertwining with yours, as you found yourselves back in his bedroom. Everything was put away, and his room was empty, but you sat on the bed and didn’t break the kiss for a second.
You didn’t have the luxury to go further, but you could just kiss. So you did just that.
He didn’t pull you into his lap, because you wouldn’t be able to control yourself if he did.
Instead, you sat cross-legged, facing each other, mouths meeting in the middle like two teenagers dared to kiss at a party.
He kept his hand in your hair, the other on your waist, and it was so innocent it was sweet. Your hands rested on his thighs, squeezing the skin through his sweats.
You didn’t know much time you had left, until he had to leave, until you were interrupted. You hope his manager never showed up.
You continued to feel him up, memorising every ridge and muscle of his body, and he let out soft moans every time you touched him somewhere new.
“I’m so glad you came back” He mumbled, “I wanted you so much”
“Why didn’t you ask me?” You almost whined, kissing his jawline, “I wanted you too”
Things got more heated, and in a matter of seconds, he was pulling you closer to him. Your knees skidded across the mattress, as Hyunjin pulled you to him.
Nothing was supposed to happen, but somehow, you were fiddling with the knot of his sweatpants, and he had unbuttoned your jeans, pulling the button out of its loop.
You were dizzy with desire, and his hand slipped inside your jeans, at the same time that yours did into his sweatpants. Now you really did feel like teenagers — making out with your hands down each other’s pants.
It was hard for him because the waistband of your jeans were so tight, and he seemed frustrated. If you’d known this was going to happen, you’d have worn a dress, or maybe nothing at all, so nothing could stop him from touching you.
His fingers brushed against your underwear, and you were so fucking wet it was ridiculous. You bit back a moan, he’d barely touched you but you were burning.
Everything was spinning, and you were so high off off him. His fingers pushed your panties to the side, your arousal making it harder for him to do.
“Fuck…you’re really wet” He mumbled, and his fingers touched your core. You let out a moan at the feeling.
This was the first time he’d touched you like this, and you couldn’t focus on anything. Your hand in his pants stilled, as his fingers started to brush languid circles across your clit.
Your head fell forward, against his forehead, and he didn’t even seem to mind that you’d stopped touching his cock. He was too focused on you.
“Shh…I got you” He breathed, kissing your jaw, as he pressed his fingers against you, truly feeling how much you wanted him. You couldn’t describe the way he touched you, as if he was caressing you, fingers brushing against your folds so delicately. Nobody had ever touched you like this.
Your mouth parted, allowing Hyunjin to slip his tongue in, and his anxiety manifested in how intensely he kissed you, like he was running out of time, like this was the last time. You let him take control, as he controlled the pace of it, making out with you. Yet, making out seemed too crude a word for what he was doing. He was savouring every kiss - no half-kisses, no pecks - mouth crushed to yours like he wanted to devour you and you’d let him.
You’d been turned on since hours. You needed more. You gripped onto his bicep tightly, your other hand buried down his pants, hoping he would get the hint. His fingers prodded at your entrance, feeling you.
“Will you let me?” He asked, voice so innocent. You’d never said yes so fast before in your life.
Your lips grazed his ear, and then his cheek, “Please, Hyun”
He pulled back to look at you, “Are you sure?”
“Please”
“Stop me if it hurts, okay?” He kissed under your ear, and then in one swift move, he pushed a finger inside you. You stopped breathing the deeper he got, and you looked at him, mouth parted.
It didn’t hurt. He could never hurt you.
“You’re so gorgeous” He mumbled, and then he pulled his finger back, before pushing it back in. An embarrassing moan escaped you, and he smiled at your reaction.
“You like it when I do that?” He asked, and he was out of breath, just like you. He began thrusting out, and then back in, slow, lazy strokes, like he was still getting a feel for it, familiarising himself with your reactions and your body. But there was no time for slow, or careful.
“Holy shit” You mumbled, feeling like you’d pass out, “You can —You can go deeper, and faster too...please”
You had to make him feel good too. So you went back to work, wrapping your hand entirely around his cock. It was a different kind of feeling, to be doing this with all of your clothes still on. There was a small stain at the front of his sweatpants, and he was leaking already. The sight made you dizzy and crazy.
You brushed your thumb against his tip. He let out a moan, eyes fluttering shut, “Fuck. If you do that, I can’t focus on you”
He then thrust another finger deep inside you, stretching you open, as if in retaliation.
Your mouth fell open in a moan, eyes squeezing shut, but you didn’t stop moving your hand over his cock, “But— but you’re distracting me”
You were both a mess of whimpers and moans, and he kept fingering you open, stretching you out. You’re sure his hand was dripping with your arousal, just like yours was covered in his pre-cum.
Hyunjin became impatient, bucking his hips for more friction, and you increased your pace too. He whimpered, back arching, and cursed loudly, fucking himself into your hand. His hair was wet with sweat, sticking to his forehead, to his neck.
“Fuck, you’re so beautiful” You told him, pressing your mouth to his.
He fingered you harder.
Your vision was a blur, and all you could focus on was moving your hand over his length. Something about making him moan, while his fingers were buried inside you, was so fucking hot. He was too big in your hands, and you wanted him so bad. But you’d made an agreement, and you couldn’t fuck, no matter how tempting it was.
Time ticked so fast, slipping from within you.
“Are you close?” He whispered into your ear, finger fucking you slowly. It was far too much to handle. You squirmed in his grip, “Yeah. Go faster, please”
He nodded, pressing a kiss to your lips and then increased his pace. You could hear how turned on you were, the wet sounds echoing through his room.
“It’d be easier without the jeans” He mumbled, fucking you open with just his fingers, frustrated at how the waistband restricted his movements.
“Are you close too?”
He hummed, “I’m so close. I could cum probably just from touching you”
His words shot another wave of arousal through you, and your core tightened around him, impossibly.
“Fuck — you just…got so tight. Did you like that?” He asked you.
You nodded, no coherent thought in your head.
“Shit, come here” He said, and he pulled your hand out of his sweatpants. You whined at the loss of contact, but he pulled you into his lap instead. His arm came around to hold you up, and you were sat right on his crotch.
“What about—” You went to ask, but he shut you up with a kiss.
His hand slipped back inside your jeans, and he slid your panties to the side again, “Let me”
You nodded, putting your hands around his neck.
He was so hard under you, and experimentally he thrust up, the friction of you on him so much, and he breathed, “Shit. That feels...amazing”
Everything was spinning, except him, “Don’t stop”
“Remember what I told you?” He mumbled, hand gripping your hip, and you nodded.
He’d taught you how to make him feel good, back when you were still in the Photobooth. So, you dragged yourself over his crotch, slowly. It was harder to do when his fingers were still inside you, but every little movement felt amplified.
You didn’t care about anything but him, you didn’t need this to be slow, you didn’t need it to be careful. You just needed him, and that was perfect.
His head fell back, and you kissed messily, spit between your mouths. He was thrusting up into you, to the same pace that his fingers moved inside you. It seemed like that was really enough for him too. Every little contact drove you crazy, like it was your first time touching a boy, and his first time touching a girl. There was so much novelty in the way you two moved against each other, and no finesse. Everything was rushed, every kiss messy, each feeling intensified.
You caressed the sides of his face, “I want you to fuck me, please”
His eyes widened, but he thrust up so hard at those words, “Y/N, we can’t”
“Please, just the...just the tip”
He kissed you, “I want to, so badly, but --”
“But what?”
He looked genuinely sorry, breaking away from the kiss, “I don’t have a...condom. I'm sorry”
Oh, the irony. You wanted to scream with agony, because you don’t think you’d ever wanted someone this bad before.
“I’m so sorry” He mumbled, kissing you again, but then his voice turned darker, “My fingers aren’t enough for you?”
You clenched, “No. No- they are”
He thrust both fingers in with so much pressure, stretching you open, “Is that better?”
You pressed your lips to his, wanting to kiss him through your orgasm, because your stomach was tightening and you were so close. Hyunjin deepened the kiss, pushing his tongue into your mouth, and he was suddenly so rough and intense but you absolutely loved that.
He was breathing heavy, eyes half-lidded and consumed with lust, just like you. His lips were so puffy, and swollen, thick and full, and so pink, and he was fingering you so perfectly. Your core tightened, and you pressed your mouth to his again, to let him kiss you because you felt so out of control.
“Wait— wait, I wanna look at you” He breathed, pushing both fingers in so deep, curling them just right. All it took was to look at him for you to completely let go.
Stars dotted your vision, and you whimpered, your entire body trembling.
“Hyun—” You buried your face in his neck, a white hot flash overtaking you, travelling from your core to your heart, to your head.
He was still grinding against you, faster now, lips hovering over yours, chasing a high you’d both been denied for far too long. And just seconds after, he let out a long drawn out moan, hips twitching up into you, eyes squeezed shut as he cursed, “Fuck”
For a few minutes, there was nothing but the sounds of your breaths.
He was breathing deeply, and his hair was drenched, sweat dripping down his face, and neck and chest.
He opened his eyes. You wanted to cuddle up in his arms and go to sleep. From the look on his face, he wanted the same. You stared at each others state, and slowly he pulled his hand out of your jeans. Sweat trickled down his chin. It sparkled like glitter. You traced his jawline with your hands, soaking up the sweat into your skin.
You didn’t say anything, but he wrapped his arms tighter around your body. You gripped the front of his shirt, squeezing it in your grip. His heart was beating so fast.
“You okay?” He asked you, his voice so gentle.
You hummed, and you felt drained, but you felt exhilarated too.
His hand rubbed your back, soothing you.
You tilt your head at him, “You?”
A smile pulled at his lips, “Yeah. I’m okay”
You traced his pecs through the shirt, not wanting him to leave. It was criminal for this feeling to end, and for this pleasure to not be yours everyday. Nothing had ever felt this good, and even in your post-coital haze, you wanted him more.
So you blurted, “What if I did it anyway?”
“Did what?”
“What if…I moved to Seoul anyway? Maybe I could go there first…and look for a job later. I know it’s crazy and impulsive but I’ve always wanted to live there and—”
You trailed off, at his expression.
“Do you think it’s a stupid idea or something?” You chewed on your lower lip.
Hyunjin’s eyes followed that movement, and his thumb traced your mouth, “No …it’s not stupid at all. It’s what you’ve wanted for a few years, right?”
“It sounds crazy and impulsive…because I don’t even have a plan of what I’ll do, but maybe...that doesn’t matter”
Before he could speak up, his phone buzzed against the nightstand.
He glanced at it, and then to you.
Just at that minute, you heard the cab pull up. Hyunjin sighed, closing his eyes, and you got off his lap. He peeked through the blinds, “Fuck. He’s here”
“I should leave” You stood, gathering your things. There was no time to ask for his opinion anymore. Maybe he didn’t want to tell you it was a batshit insane idea.
“Hold on” He handed you his sweatshirt, the one that had dried by now, “It’s a cold walk out. You sure you’ll make it home safe?”
“Don’t worry about me” You told him, squeezing his sweatshirt in your hands, feeling silly for blurting out such a spontaneously dumb idea that made it very obvious how much you loved him.
A car door opened outside, and his manager must have stepped out. It was almost four in the morning. You were going to be leaving through the back.
His manager couldn’t see you here.
You’d already said your goodbyes, in the only way you knew how to.
You stepped out onto the patio, but Hyunjin grabbed your arm, urgency in his tone, “You should do it, Y/N”
You turned, confused, “Do what?”
The doorbell rang.
Hyunjin spoke quickly, “What you were just talking about. Even if you didn’t get into the program you wanted, you should move there. To Seoul”
Your eyes widened, tears filling up suddenly, and you quickly pulled him into another hug, and he stumbled into your embrace, “Thank you for saying that. I think it’d feel less scary with you there”
His lips brushed against your ear, “It’s the least I can do. Being here was less scary for me, only because of you”
He kissed you a rushed goodbye, but for the first time that night, your heart didn’t hurt anymore.
»»————-
Your morning passed in a daze.
Time wasn’t real, as you lay on your bed, counting down the seconds until his train. Minutes stretched into hours into seconds, and you must have been more tired than you thought, because you woke up to drool on your pillow.
The sun told you it was the afternoon.
You’d fallen asleep in the clothes you wore to the drive-in theater. Your underwear was still wet, and reminded you of him. You were smiling to yourself like a crazy person, as you dressed yourself for work, and you put his sweatshirt on. It smelled just like him, and as you walked to work, the grass and the birds and the houses all remind you of him.
Was it possible to fall even more in love with someone?
You were distracted, often drifting into thoughts of his moans, of the sensation of his hand in your pants, but it was frustrating because the man of your affections was moving miles away from you by the minute.
Hyunjin’s first text came at a precarious time.
You had been packing a pink acrylic canister for a customer, and the pings of your phone were so distinctive, you instantly knew it was him. It had to be Hyunjin, he must have already reached home, and you had to hold back an urge to text him back.
The phone buzzed incessantly against the glass countertop, and the lady in front of you raised an eyebrow.
“Sorry” You apologised for the ringing, “I forgot to put it on silent”
She didn’t really seem to care, “Can I try a paint swatch of the pink before you pack it up?”
“Of course” You unscrewed the cap, dipping a stray paintbrush into it, so you could show her how it showed up on paper, “Is that good?”
“Um, do you have a brighter one perhaps? I don’t think my daughter needs this one”
You nodded, glancing behind her, “I think it’s in the third aisle”
A few more pings from your phone caught your attention.
It startled you, making you squeeze the bottle in your hands, and pink paint dripped onto your fingers and the countertop.
“Shit” You mumbled, wiping it clean with a tissue.
The customer was still busy browsing the aisles, and Mrs. Aera would be less than pleased to see you using your phone on your job, but…
It was just for a minute.
hyun
heyy
shit im sorry i couldn’t call earlier
It’s been crazy
but i just got to my dorm
i just wanted to let you know i made it
and i was planning to paint in the train journey over, but i totally passed out lol
you
hey :)
I was just thinking of you
im so glad youre home safe <3
that sounds like something i would do ngl
keep me updated!
tell me everything in detail later please im dying
hyun
sent a photo
can you tell they missed me a lot
It was a picture of him at a stairwell, surrounded by three boys you’d come to recognise as Chan, Changbin and Jisung. They were smiling wide, teeth on display and Changbin was making a kissing face toward’s Hyunjin’s cheek, lips pouted and ready.
Jisung was pulling at Hyunjin’s other cheek, and Chan was laughing to the side, eyes closed in pretty crescents.
you
they’re adorable lmao
did changbin actually kiss u haha?
In the picture you literally look like a kid embarrassed by his parents
hyun
they won’t let go of me ever since im back
and yeah changbin even insisted on sleeping in my bed tonight..?
i had to reassure them im not going away anytime soon
but its sweet
what are you up to?
i hope you weren’t too tired for work
“This pink seems like a good shade, does it not?” The customer brought you back to reality, placing a canister on the counter, and her gaze fell to the stained countertop, “What happened to your hands?”
Your screen was now tainted with pink fingerprint stains, but you didn’t care, smiling at the texts you just received. Maybe things would be okay, even when he was gone.
»»————-
The first time he called you from the city, was when you were at the diner, and you almost fumbled your latte at the ringing.
Seonmi raised a questioning eyebrow as you pushed your coffee cup aside.
You picked up faster than lightning.
“Hi” You spoke, into your phone, sounding just a little out of breath.
“Hey” His voice sent shooting stars through your heart, igniting you with a newfound energy at only eight in the morning. It was hoarse, and smooth at the same time.
You’d only been texting each other the past few days, he’d been rightfully swept into the whirlwind of his life, and you’d been dying to know how he’d been. He’d given you little updates, about how it felt to move back in, to get back to his job, at how he was welcomed back by his fans so grandly.
You’d watched his return on the news — the number of people who were there to greet him at the train station was insane, and you’d felt so proud of him. He told you that they had to close a major exit of the station, just because the company hadn’t expected that many people to show up.
It was the first time you’d physically seen the impact he had, and it didn’t surprise you at all. People with pictures of him, banners, and slogans and signs in every language just to welcome him back from his hiatus.
He was so loved by so many people.
It’d be selfish to want to keep him just to yourself.
“Are you outside?”
“I was just grabbing coffee” You explained, pressing your phone to your ear to drown out the sounds of the diner.
“Man, I miss The Grove’s coffee”
You twirled the cup in your hands, smiling, “It misses you too”
“I thought I’d call you when I had time. I’m headed straight to the studio after this. Guess what? The stylists love what I did with my hair, apparently the blonde is an old trend now anyway, and now they want to capture this while it’s still fresh”
You laughed, “What? You mean the cheap haircut you gave yourself?”
He chuckled, “Mmh. Something about it is raw, and apparently perfect for my comeback”
You spun on your chair, “Well, they certainly know how to make the best of a situation”
“We’re recording till late tonight. With the new album, we’re on the clock almost all the time. We have just under two weeks to finish producing it”
“For the entire album? Is that enough?”
“It has to be” He said, “I don’t mind. It’s what I live for”
You bit your lip, anticipation coursing through you, “Can I hear it anytime soon?”
He grinned, “You’ll be the first one”
He kept his promise.
That night, he sent you a video.
It’s a snippet of him in the studio, and you keel at the thumbnail before you’ve even opened it. His hair was messy, like he’s straight out of bed before recording, and bulky headphones sat around his neck.
You hear someone counting down in the background, and you wonder if that’s Chan, his producers, or someone else to help with the process. The instrumental is muted, so it’s just Hyunjin singing the backing vocals.
Eyes squeezed shut, he’s lost in the verse of the song. The cadence and tone of his voice so distinctly different from when he speaks. It’s sassy, and it’s harsh, and the cleanest rap you ever heard.
You stared in awe, earphones plugged in, sat behind the cash counter in your break, and then you watched it again, and again, until you’re called back to your shift.
You think about the video all the while you’re at the store, and you called him as soon as you’re out.
“You were so good, the verse has been stuck in my head for hours and you sound cocky as fuck, but it’s not an annoying cocky. How do you even do that?” You were belting out compliments for minutes now, and Hyunjin sat at the other end, accepting them with flushed cheeks. He was so shy right now, a stark contrast to his singing personality.
“Stop. You make me sound better than I am. You should…be telling me to get better” He complained.
You laughed, “You’re literally already perfect at it”
“When you visit me, I’ll get you access to the studio. You can watch me record it in real time” He suggested.
The thought excites you, and you imagine watching him from the couch, through the observation window.
You imagine him coming out of the booth to take a break, all sweaty and exhausted, and he would put an arm around you.
Perhaps you’re influenced by far too many 80s movies. Still, you imagine excessively making out with him in the recording studio until his assistants have to physically pull you off each other.
Yeah, considering the industry he’s in, that could never happen.
Over the next few days, he also sends you videos from the dance studio, and all of your feelings for him build on top of each other, like a Jenga tower destined to fall. Every day that passes, a new block is added, and you don’t know how lucky you had to be to bump into him in your life.
He dances just like he kisses, with purpose and intensity, a certain romance behind his moves, and you become guilty of obsessively rewatching the clips he sends you, finding new details every time.
He wears simple sweatpants to the studio, and he ties his hair up into a bun, and all you want is to be there to kiss his sweat away, and reward him after his long days of work.
It feels silly to fantasize about caring for him, like you’re a seventies housewife, but you can’t help it. You want to massage the knots from his back, brush the tangles out of his hair, and kiss him between every dance practice.
You realise how much he’s taken over your life and thoughts, even when he’s miles away. You don’t tell him all of this, but some days you can’t help but blurt your thoughts out.
“You’re messing with me every time you send me another video” You complain to him, “How do you contain all of that talent in a singular body?”
He laughs, but he doesn’t stop. He sends you selfies of him every day from the practice room, and he’s always glistening with sweat in them, throwing up a cheesy peace sign, and it’s your new favourite picture, until he sends you another the very next day.
You sit on your bedroom floor, fiddling with the strings of your hoodie as you talk to him, “What’s your schedule like right now?”
He’s at the headquarters of a high-end international magazine, in the waiting room as he talks to you. You can’t help but feel special that he takes out this time for you, “Well, I stay in the recording studio till late, and when I’m home…I’m trying to paint as much as I can before passing the fuck out. I just started a few days ago but it helps me destress. It gives me time to think about what happened in my day. It’s so…cathartic”
You smiled, so glad he found time to paint again, “Are you cheating on Aera’s with that art shop in Hongdae?”
He laughed, “Yeah. The cashier’s pretty cute here too”
You roll your eyes, “Funny…I hope you’re still making time to eat”
“Yeah, Jisung is my self-appointed manager for the moment. They’re smothering me with love”
“What, he cooks for you?”
“God no, he’d burn the dorm down. He just gets me my favourite takeout. Man, I missed takeout so much I didn’t even realise. There’s a Thai place down the street, and I’m basically surviving on it”
You rolled your eyes, “Yeah, Daejon isn’t boujee enough for a Thai restaurant”
He giggled, “I miss the hilltop bakery, although Chan introduced me to this cake shop. It opened just a month ago, it’s some European franchise but fuck if it isn’t the best pastries I’ve had”
You laughed, “It seems like you’re really enjoying yourself”
“Yeah. Everything’s really good”
“Yeah?” You stretch your legs out on your bedroom floor, and as you talk to him, you’ve been sketching in your notepad too, “How are the boys?”
He falls quieter, “Well…Jisung is still dealing with the fallout and backlash from that article. Did I ever tell you my company sued the media outlets who leaked the private information about him? All of his therapy notes and everything?”
“Yeonjun told me that there was some court case” You admitted, heart feeling heavy, “How’s that going?”
“It’s exhausting. There’s so many legal proceedings, but I have hope that Jisung will win the case”
You don’t know too much about this works, “Do you have to testify too?”
“If it comes to that, I will. Jisung wants me to stay out of that spotlight though. He says I’ve already been through enough with my hiatus”
You nod, “Then that’s probably for the best”
“I have to be careful though. The media seems to have a personal vendetta against us right now”
“God. That must be scary. Just take care of yourself”
“I am. Don’t worry. But the other day it was crazy, they surrounded our dorm and it made it impossible to leave”
Your eyes widen, “That doesn’t sound too safe. Can’t the company do something?”
He nods, “Our managers take care of it, but not much else can be done. The area outside our dorm is a public space. Legally, anybody can hang out there, and nothing can stop them from waiting for us”
You sighed, putting down your pencil, “You’re a saint for going through all of this, for your job”
He let out a bitter laugh, “It is my life, so I’m kind of used to it”
“That’s crazy” You mumble.
He nodded, “Hold on. They’re calling me in for the fitting now”
Your eyes widened, the prospect of him dressed up exciting you already, “Did they already show you the outfits you have to wear?”
He hummed, “They told me the theme too. You’ll love it.”
“Tell me”
He laughed, “I gotta go”
“Wait, what?” You protest, but he hangs up before telling you.
The pictures arrived at an unassuming time, catching you off guard.
Hyunjin had sent you ten different photos. You’d been wondering what the theme could have been for the past few hours, but it became very obvious as you scrolled through them all.
2000s fashion.
Of fucking course.
In the first photo that you see, he was in a cropped jacket, the fabric shimmering under the changing room lights. His phone was held in front of his face, hiding his features and his hair was pushed back by a hairband. He still managed to make it look so sexy.
You stopped everything you were doing, scrolling through the myriad of pictures and outfits he’d bombarded you with.
The denim jeans fit snugly on his hips, patchwork across the thighs.
You scrolled to the last one, and the jacket was unzipped. You realised why he’d said you would love it. He revealed a cropped baby blue t-shirt, with rhinestones across the hem. The shirt rose enough to show his bellybutton piercing and clenched abs.
You held your breath, staring at the pictures. A thin choker adorned his neck too, and he was slightly smirking in the picture.
He wanted you dead.
you:
wow.
hyun
is that all?
the photoshoot just ended so im going back
you:
i don’t really know what else to say
you look really fucking hot…like you’re so gorgeous in that
the outfit is…perfect on you
but i can’t imagine you ever wearing it here
it’s not your style, right?
hyun:
haha
you know me so well
i really hate crop tops lol
but …
you
but?
hyun
i know you too :)
so i took a picture just for you
He sent it to you, making your heart stop.
In it, he was sat on the fitting room bench, legs spread. But this time…the rhinestone choker wasn’t around his neck anymore.
It was held between his teeth.
It was so fucking sexy, you sat up in bed, staring at it, a feeling shooting through your body. You have to remind yourself how to breathe. You don’t reply for a few minutes, and he texts you again.
hyun
what, you have nothing to say now?
He’s so fucking cocky, but it makes you dizzy.
you
i hate you for that picture
hyun
haha
i knew you’d love it
»»————-
The next few days were a blur, and you felt a frenzied mess, like you were falling in love with him all over again.
Hyunjin in Daejon was…a sweetheart, but Hyunjin in Seoul…was a fucking menace.
You don’t know what it was that changed.
He’d tease you more often, exuding a calm confidence that tortured you at nights.
Even though you couldn’t talk to him as often, the moments that you did were special. He’d send you pictures, snippets of his day, voice messages about how the album was going or random things the boys did at the dorm.
You lived through him.
In turn, you sent him parts of your life.
The way the sunset set perfectly against the Creek, the exorbitantly rich guests at the Château that were dressed to the nines, the sketches you drew and left unfinished but still sent him.
You found out through Seungmin that Hyunjin had donated all of his leftover paints to The Château, which were worth hundreds of dollars, just so they wouldn’t go to waste while he was away. You were once again, struck by how kind he was to have thought of that.
On mundane nights, he’d send you audio recordings of their unreleased songs, pictures from the studio of him, headphones slung around his neck, tired and weary eyes.
You tried to keep each other updated, not that there was much happening in your life at the moment. Still, you’d send him pictures of you with Yeonjun, of the store, of his favourite order at the diner.
Every notification, every ping on your phone would send lightning through your veins, knowing it was him on the other end.
In the days that followed, you heard his voice less, and instead read about his day in wrapped-up summary text messages, paragraphs that flowed for hours, leaving you to scroll through your phone. You’d make it a habit to sit in your favourite booth in the diner, as your paper straw turned soggy in the milkshake, you’d type out every single one of your thoughts.
Vicariously, he lived through it too.
Your texts with him flowed like a personal diary, a newsletter on all the gossip in Daejon. You told him about the time you bumped into Hana at the diner, and she smiled at you, and you didn’t know what to do.
Somehow, he feels guilty for the rift between you and her, but you tell him it’s not his fault. If your friendship could be broken up by just a boy, it clearly wasn’t strong enough.
But then the next time you see her at the diner, she comes and sits across you.
You’re so shocked that you can barely process it, and she seems unsure too.
“Is there something wrong?” You asked her.
“Does something have to be wrong for me to talk to you?” She replied.
You shrugged, “Considering the last time we spoke—”
“I heard Hyunjin left town. Are you okay?”
You frown, feeling defensive, “Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?”
“You two were close” She stated, obviously, “Everybody in town knows that”
Maybe it’s your closeness with Hyunjin that makes you feel brave.
You want to say something mean.
You want to say something honest.
Everybody in town also thinks he cheated on her with you, after everything she said at the Lakehouse party.
After she yelled at you in front of everyone.
But you’re past that, so you don’t say it.
“I don’t really care what everybody in town thinks”
It’s tamer than what you had in mind, but it has the same intended effect.
Her eyebrows shoot up, and she’s clearly not expecting that response.
“That doesn’t sound like you” She finally said.
“Yeah, well maybe you don’t know who I am anymore. You haven’t talked to me in months”
“I’m sorry. Yeonjun coming back to town threw me off the loop. You know I never got over him”
“That doesn’t mean you can just take it out on me. I told you that night that…that I got rejected from an apprenticeship I’ve always wanted. You didn’t even ask me about that”
She sighed, running her hands through her hair, “I’m sorry, okay? I don’t really know what you want me to say. I’m not gonna apologise for being upset”
“That’s not what I’m asking you to do, Hana”
“Then what are even saying? It’s been weeks since that fight. I thought you’d moved on from it”
You stare at her. The innocence in her big eyes, the curls in her hair, the princess corset top she had on. It doesn’t affect you anymore. You used to get so hurt by the things she said. So personally offended. You want to confront her, and tell her about it. You want her to know that she hurt you, but you’re so sick of drama, and of confrontations.
Right now, you feel past it.
The past few months and all of the things she said still hurt you, and maybe one day you can make things up with her. You just don’t think that day is today.
So you stood up, and she stared at you, confused.
Grabbing your bag and sketchbook, you mumbled, “You’re right, Hana. I have moved on from this”
»»————-
One day, Hyunjin sends you a new painting he worked on.
It’s a vase of flowers. Dahlia.
It’s rendered beautifully. The shadows, the texture of the petals, and the lighting on the glass.
“When do you even get the time?” As soon as he called you, you asked him, “You’re getting so much better, Hyunjin. I’m serious, like the art you made here…this is already on another level from that”
He smiled, “Are you proud of me?”
“Of course”
“Can you tell me how I can get better?”
You don’t feel too worthy of sharing your knowledge, and you tell him that. After all, you’re not an expert or anything.
He shuts you down instantly.
“You’ve been painting since before you could talk” He replied, “I want your opinion, Y/N”
You sighed, staring at the picture, “I think your shadows are getting better. Have you tried using a wider brush for the water, with thick bristles? I think the ripples will blend much easier”
“Really?” He asked, “I think right now, it looks too fake somehow”
“Yeah, but I think that’s because you’ve drawn out every wave and the lines are too sharp. Try blending the edges so it fades naturally, okay?”
“Okay, I’m gonna try that this weekend”
“I’m really glad you make time to paint, Hyunjin”
He laughed, “It’s a necessity. I lose myself in it, and it’s just me and the canvas for all those hours. Nothing else matters”
“Sounds familiar” You smiled, “Maybe one day, if you have time, we can paint on video call together”
And then he called you that very weekend.
The computer screen illuminated your face and his, as you painted in the dead of the night. You were set up in your bedroom, an assortment of paintbrushes and watercolours surrounding you. You painted with your fingers, often getting distracted by Hyunjin across the screen.
His space was cleaner, more organised because he had less space to work with. A bag of chips lay at your side and you pushed your hand into it, lazily munching on it as you watched him frown over a color choice.
“I think you’re going to love the song I’m working on with Chan” He said, after a while.
“Yeah?”
“It’s…a sexy, contemporary kind of R&B. I can imagine you liking it”
You only have one, predictable question, “When can I hear it?”
He laughed, “We’re still writing it”
You hummed, focusing on blending the ocean in your canvas, dabbing at your canvas to experiment with a new style. You savour the moments, because he hardly has this time.
“Can I say something cheesy?” He asked, and you look up to see that he’s sipping on some drink. A fancy cocktail that Chan probably made him. In the back, you can see his bed, and his things, and you wish you can see his room in Seoul.
You want to know what he decorates it with, and what clutter he has there.
“Yeah?”
The way he’s leaning over his webcam, you can see into his shirt. The navy button-up is loose, and the top few buttons are undone. The sleeves are rolled up, which was probably a good decision since his arms are stained with pink paint. His hands are busier too, with more rings and more bracelets on them.
Hyunjin’s more boujee in the city too.
His cheeks are suddenly red as he confesses, “When I get stuck in the middle of the writing process, I think of you, and it really helps”
You sat up on your knees, cherishing this new bit of information, “What do you think about?”
He flushed, “You know…just our time together. Chan teases me about it. He says you’re my muse or whatever”
He doesn’t say much more, but he’s so shy so you don’t ask. You don’t react as much as you want to either. You want to jump, or scream, or kick your feet giggling.
It’s a moment you etch into your brain forever.
You’re his muse, and it’s fitting because he’s always been yours.
As the hour passed, your focus grew, and you almost forgot he was on the other side. Almost.
Hyunjin is focused too, and he’s humming a familiar tune. The call lasts for over two hours, and it’s the most you’ve talked to him recently.
When you’re both done, you show him your canvas; he shows you his, and you marvel at his improvement. He’s painted a beautiful lighthouse, ocean waves crashing into the rocks, and he explained every color choice to you.
You could hear him talk about his art forever, and you sit in awe, as he expressed his reasoning behind every aspect. He’s gotten so much better at art, and he’s really a prodigy.
You then do the same, lifting your canvas up to show him the landscape, and he leans in really close to the camera, eyes wide as he takes it in.
“That’s beautiful” He mumbles, still staring at your painting, “I don’t know how you do it so well every time”
You smiled, because art was your favourite thing in the world, and Hyunjin complimenting it made your heart swell.
He was suddenly smiling, and he said, “I…also visited an art gallery last week. I met someone”
Your eyebrows shot up, and your smile fell so fast.
People only said that in one specific context. When they were into someone.
“You met someone?”
“Yeah” Hyunjin smiled, “She’s…this prodigy. Chan introduced me to her, she’s so young and she’s actually the owner of the entire place and guess what she said to me?”
You didn’t want to know.
“I don’t know” You replied, hoping your indifference wasn’t visible.
“She said one day I could display my own work up there. Isn’t that fucking insane? I mean, I just started out with art”
“How does she know your work?”
He didn’t comment on your lack of excitement, but he just said, “Oh, Chan showed it to her. I was embarrassed, but it was worth it”
“That’s really nice of her”
He nodded, “Yeah. She was really sweet. And oh! The reason I’m telling you this was because she used to intern for Kim Jieong, maybe she can help you out with the--”
“No, it’s okay” You’re quick to interrupt.
He then asked why you haven’t applied to another apprenticeship again.
You put aside your paint supplies, you’d lost motivation anyway. You dragged your laptop onto your bed, as you told him, “I told you. I’m not really confident, and I’m not looking forward to another rejection”
He stopped you before you can continue, “You’ve got nothing to lose then. Please, at least try. For me”
He’s sleepy, and his eyes kept closing, but he stayed up just to convince you.
You sighed, “Fine. I’ll apply, but don’t expect anything, please. You’ll be disappointed”
“You could never disappoint me”
»»————-
Your days unfolded with a slow pace, summer fading away into the months of autumn.
You found solace in your friends — in movie nights with Minho, in spending time with Yeonjun before he had to go back to work. After all, there was only so long he could be on vacation for. He had to go back to where he belonged.
It was easier to not miss Hyunjin when you were occupied, busy with your endless shifts, navigating between finding time to paint but also to enjoy the leftovers of summer.
The night they finished recording the album, Hyunjin called you drunk.
You’d seen him tipsy on a few occasions, but never like this.
He was laughing about something when you picked up, talking to other people at the party. The background was loud, and you struggle to hear anything.
“Hyun?”
“Guess what?” He asked you.
“What?”
“We finished the album. Like, for real. Every track is actually ready” He announced, and you hear a cacophony of sounds in the background, “We’re at my manager’s apartment, all of us, and the whole crew. It feels so fucking good”
“Congratulations” You smile, “That’s…really cool”
“Jisung made me drink…far too much” He giggled, “I liked the wine though, Chan found it in this cool store but then me and Binnie…we did body shots, and guess what? Chan fucking did body shots too! It was so insane. He also invited the girl from the art gallery, which is so funny. Apparently, she has connections in our industry too. She’s the daughter of --”
“Wait, you did body shots?” You interrupted him, not really wanting to hear about the very successful artist prodigy girl in his life.
“It was insane. Just like Seungmin told us”
You could tell he was walking around the room, because he’d randomly trail off and talk to someone.
The more he rambled on the other side of the phone, the more you wished you were by his side. He must be standing near the speakers, because suddenly his voice would get drowned out by the music.
“I…can’t hear you, Hyun” You spoke, snuggling into your blanket.
Your bed was the stark contrast of where he was right now; in a room full of pounding music, and you wondered what kind of parties they even had, or how wild they were. If they did body shots, they must already be pretty wild.
“Sorry” He apologised, walking off to a quieter area, “Can you hear me now?”
“Yeah, I can”
“Fuck. I miss you so fucking much” He suddenly mumbled, voice dropping, “Why aren’t you here?”
“I miss you too” Your heart squeezed, “But you should get back to the party—”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Is that Y/N?” A loud voice interrupted, and you heard a loud struggle on the other end, making you pull back from the phone.
“Give me the phone back, Changbin!” Hyunjin yelled.
You sat up in bed, “Hello?”
“Hey!” Changbin’s voice was louder than you expected, and he sounded really drunk too, “You must be the girl who stole him away from us for months and months. I have every reason to hate you”
“Stop!” Hyunjin spoke in the background, “Don’t announce it to the entire party”
“Now you’ve taken him back though” You replied to Changbin.
“Eh, you’re right” He laughed, “So tell me, on a scale of 1 to 10—”
“Changbin, give me my phone back!” Hyunjin sounded exasperated, and you could imagine them running after each other.
“Let me finish!” He groaned, and then his voice became clearer again, “On a scale of 1-10, how big of a dumbass is Hwang Hyunjin for—?”
“Fuck. Is that her?” Another person interrupted in the background, and you felt overwhelmed by the multitude of voices.
“Jisung, can you please ask him to give me my phone back?” Hyunjin sounded annoyed now, voice further.
“I’m sorry, this prick won’t let me talk to you for five whole minutes!” Changbin apologised, and you’d never met him but his energy seemed exactly like you’d imagined.
Still, you could hear Jisung in the background, struggling after the phone, and it made you feel special. They were miles away at a fucking album party, but gave their attention to you.
“Is that Hyunjin’s girlfriend?”
Your eyes widened at the word.
Hyunjin’s frustrated drawl interrupted, further away from the speaker but you still heard it, “Stop, Jisung. She’s just my friend. How many times do I have to say that, and don’t announce it to the party!”
Your smile faded, stupidly. He was right.
“Then I can have her?” Changbin interrupted.
There was another scuffle, until Hyunjin was at the phone again, “Hey, I’m so sorry. They…took you hostage”
A breathy chuckle followed, drowned out by his friends laughs in the background.
“That’s okay. Don’t worry about it” You fiddled with your blanket, “You should enjoy the party, Hyun”
“No, no, I called you because I missed you”
“I can’t really even hear you” You spoke, “We can just talk tomorrow. Please just have a good time tonight, okay?”
“All right. I’ll call you later” Hyunjin spoke, like he was distracted by someone.
“Who are you talking to you?” An unknown voice interrupted, and you guessed they were probably talking to Hyunjin.
And you heard Hyunjin mumble, “Nobody” before he hung up.
You laid back in bed, and it was too quiet, and you felt lonelier than ever.
»»————-
Fallen leaves drifted in the pool, from the canopy up above. One drifts towards you, and you picked it up in your hands, watching the water seep through the half-eaten leaf. It’s orange.
“The leaves are already changing color…or is it just me?”
“It’s just you” Minho answered, and you roll your eyes.
“What are you doing here all by yourself?” He asked, swimming over to you, “The rest of the party is over there”
“I’m not really interested in playing” You told him, looking over to where everyone indulged in a pool volleyball game.
“So you’re out here looking at leaves. God, I’m lucky to be your best friend”
“Shut up” You shove him, and he laughs, falling into the water.
As soon as he resurfaces, he splashes you.
“Don’t be annoying, Minho” You mumbled, rubbing the saltwater out from your eyes.
“You’re no fun” He grumbles, and lays on his back to float in the water.
You stare at the leaves floating around you again, drifting into a pattern, and a sole flower is in between them. A dahlia.
“Can’t believe summer is almost over” You remark.
“You sure made the most of it though, Y/N” He smiled, eyes squinting against the bright overhead sun. You don’t respond, and he lifts his head to look at you.
“What?” He asked, “You can’t deny that it’s the most eventful summer we’ve ever had”
You peered down at your nails, the paint was chipping off, “Right. Losing my best friends sure is memorable”
“You didn’t lose them, Y/N”
You gestured to the space around you, that usually would be occupied by Hana or Felix, “I don’t see them here”
Minho sighed, swimming closer to you, “What’s got you in such a mood?”
You shook your head, feeling silly for feeling this way, “Nothing”
He rolled his eyes, “Tell me”
You sighed, fixing the straps of your bikini to avoid looking him in the eye, “Hana tried to talk to me a few days ago. She wanted to fix things, but I didn’t. Does that make me a horrible person?”
“Do you feel like a horrible person?”
You looked up at him, “No. I…chose my peace over another fight. I think I made the right decision”
“You knew the answer to that already, Y/N. Then what is bothering you?”
“Fine. Hyunjin called me last night, from the release party”
“And that’s a bad thing…why?”
“Not really, I guess it put things into perspective. He’s…out there being successful and celebrating that success, and I’m here, doing absolutely nothing.”
“You’re at a pool party with me. That’s not nothing”
“You know what I mean” You sighed, leaning against the pool wall, “He’s probably even going to display his stuff at an art gallery soon. Some girl fell in love with his art…and he’s always busy…in a totally insane location, or doing something so fucking cool, and I’m in the stupid art shop”
His texts have been less than frequent. You understand, because he’s swamped with work. The press tour has been underway for a week now, and if he wasn’t at some fancy magazine building, he was probably holed up in the studio for re-recordings. There’s still time till the album's release, and if you know anything about the band, they’re perfectionists. They’ll work themselves to the bone, till the end.
“Well, yeah. He’s…an idol, with a crazy fucking life. You’re living a normal life. He would probably give everything to exchange places with you, and not have anything to do”
“I guess you’re right” You realised, and you glance up to see Yeonjun.
He’s laughing loudly, sunglasses on his head, as he throws the ball to the other team. He’s leaving soon, and this pool party is a going away gift. After all, he’s the only one of your friends with a pool. Yeonjun looks happy, and beautiful in the sun. It was low-key, exactly like Yeonjun wanted it, and you’re so glad Minho and him are on talking terms again.
“And I don’t believe you. That’s not why you’re upset” Minho spoke, blocking the boy from your view.
“Why can’t you just take my word for it?”
“Because I know when you’re lying to me. So tell me, what’s got you being so bitchy to your only friend within 35 miles?”
“Ouch!” He yelled, when you pushed him again.
“Stop being a smartass”
“You’ve been floating on cloud nine the past few weeks, what’s wrong now?”
You stare back at Yeonjun, as he dives to retrieve his sunglasses, and his other friends are teasing him.
“I never told you but I applied to an apprenticeship in the city” You blurted.
Minho’s eyebrows shot up, “What? Today?”
“No…a few months ago. At the start of summer”
His brows were furrowed, confused, “Oh”
“That’s kind of why I’ve been working all these jobs…so I could save up one day and move to the city”
He swam closer to you, “Why are you telling me this now?”
You shrugged, and the water feels nice and calm around you, “I thought you’d hate me for it”
He’s quiet for a few minutes, “That’s not true. I’d like to think I’ve grown from when Yeonjun left. I mean I’m at his party right now. Isn’t that saying a lot?”
You smiled at him, “That’s probably why I’m telling you now”
Minho laughed, “So did you get it?”
“Nope” You sighed, “I wasn’t good enough for it”
“What, so you’ve given up already?”
You frowned, “No, but I’m still waiting on them to hear back. I contacted them again regarding my application”
Minho smiled, “Hyunjin knows, right?”
“Yeah”
“Of course he knows. You tell him literally everything. I’m gonna have to fight him one day”
You laughed, “I’d pay to see that”
He reaches forward, picking out a leaf stuck in your hair, “You really miss him, huh?”
“I hate texting him. It’s so impersonal and distant”
“Have you video-called him?”
You sighed, “Through my shitty computer screen, yeah”
“I think you need a vacation, Y/N” He laughs.
“I’ve been on vacation, like for months”
“No, I mean a vacation, away from your job, away from Daejon. Just go see him”
Your eyes widen and you looked at him, “Isn’t that a bit crazy? I mean, we’re not dating”
He rolled his eyes, leaning back in to float, “The day you stop worrying about what other people think, is the day you’ll live a much better life, Y/N”
He then begins talking about other things, but his words stick in your head, and an idea begins to form.
»»————-
You help Yeonjun pack, and on his last night in town, you sit on his couch again, talking about everything that was. He tells you of his consistent fights with Hana, and his efforts to rekindle their relationship which went in vain. It’s strange to think he came back to town, just to make things right with her.
He tells you that him and Hana have grown apart, and perhaps they were never meant to be together.
He says that he’s letting Hana go, and it’s a bittersweet moment which you drink to.
You think nothing could make you let go of Hyunjin.
When you get really tipsy, you fantasise of him even more, and scroll back through your chats, reading his old texts, smiling to yourself. Yeonjun catches you, and calls you a hopeless romantic, and you’ve never thought of yourself that way, but it rings true.
You both lay in bed, and you talk until he has to go, and you realise how much you hate goodbyes.
»»————-
The next time Hyunjin texted you, you were sat at the steps of the art shop, waiting for the rain to pass.
hyun
hey
sorry ive been filming all day
you
ohh, what have you been filming?
didn’t the album recording finish last week?
hyun
ah no the press tour is still left
you
oh right, sorry I have no idea how this stuff works lol
hyun
right now we’re doing some promo content for a teen magazine
after this we still need to go to a music video shoot
It’s for an american talk show
isn’t that crazy?
you
wow…
you’re going to be so popular
but i hope you can get some sleep
hyun
we’re filming till 4 am tonight
i doubt it
what are you up to?
you
um im stuck at aeras because of the rain :/
i always forget to carry an umbrella
hyun
you miss me?
You stared at the text, tears inexplicably filling your eyes, and you don’t know why.
It had only been a few weeks since he was gone, yet it felt like he was drifting away.
Of course you missed him.
You missed him an insane amount, and ever since he’d been gone, you’d been going through the motions of daily life, not even really enjoying anything.
He was so far away.
You’d tried to not let the sadness overtake you, because it was silly and childish.
You missed his calming voice, and his hand in yours, and the taut string of tension between you every time you met.
You missed the uncertainty of Hyunjin.
The not-knowing.
With him, you could never tell. It could be a mundane afternoon, until it wasn’t. Until his hands were around you, and you were kissing, and you knew it was so wrong to be attached to that.
Your phone buzzed, and he was calling you, snapping you out of your thoughts.
“Hey” You mumbled, your voice softer and shakier than you intended.
“Is everything okay…?”
“Yeah” You swallowed, “Sorry, I was just about to reply”
“No, don’t worry. I just got worried. I thought—” He trailed off.
“What did you think?”
“I thought I crossed a boundary…or something”
You paused, trying to comprehend his words. All he’d done was ask you if you missed him. How could that be a boundary when you and Hyunjin had said so much more? Done so much more?
Was missing each other not even okay anymore? Was it too much for him?
Another sob threatened to break at the implication.
“Y/N? Are you still there?” He asked, voice soft and calm, not knowing the storm it brewed inside you.
You mumbled, “Yes, I’m here”
“Okay” He spoke, letting you breathe.
“I’m sorry, I just…I guess I miss you more than I thought I would” You admitted, hoping it wouldn’t be too much for him. That it wouldn’t push him away.
“Oh”
“Yeah”
“I…miss you too, Y/N”
It calmed your racing heart.
“I wish I could see you” You fumbled through the words, “It’d make me feel so much…better”
Hyunjin was quiet for a while, “I’m sorry”
“It’s…not your fault” A smile graced your lips, because he had no reason to apologise for your lives being so separate from each other.
“It is. I’m sorry I’ve been away…I got really caught up with everything here. Seeing my friends again, having this life back, it was more overwhelming than I thought. But don’t worry…I’m doing really well here”
“Yeah?”
“I’ve been painting a lot more when I’m free, or when I’ve had a horrible day”
Your heart clenched at his tone, and the implication that it was only a few weeks since he was gone but he’d already had multiple horrible days.
“Yeah? I’m glad it helps. That means…coming home wasn’t a waste”
“A waste?” He repeated, confused, “Why would you say that?”
You pulled at your laces, watching the rain fall at your footsteps, “Nothing, Hyunjin. It doesn’t matter”
“You seem…upset. Did I say something wrong?”
You pulled your knees up to your chest, away from the pitter patter of the drops, “I told you. I really wish you were here. I know it’s impossible”
“Yeah…”
“This morning, I was watching the news…about Jisung’s trial. How’s it going?”
“It’s…okay. He’s so tired already, he kind of just wants to settle but the company lawyers are pushing for more”
“I’m sorry. That sounds so exhausting” You bite your lip, because their lives are already as stressful as they could get, and this legal battle plays in the backdrop like a nuisance.
“They’re also restricting a lot of shit for us. We have to be careful each time we step out in public, and Jisung even has to monitor every phone call…same with Chan and Kairi”
“How long is it going to last?”
“Hopefully not too long, but anyway, that’s not important right now at all. You sound upset. How are you?” He asks, voice becoming softer all of a sudden.
You fear you’re going to sound like a broken record if you tell him you miss him again. These days you seem to fill all your silences with just those words. Would he get sick of hearing them? Is this how long distance relationships are like? Endlessly telling each other you miss them, but never being able to do anything about it.
Instead, you end up saying something absolutely crazy, “Hyun, can I come see you?”
You don’t intend for the words to leave your brain, much less your mouth. In fact, you didn’t even know you were going to say them. You haven’t had time to plan, but Minho’s conversation rings through you. You’ve been saving up to go to Seoul your whole life. You can spare a vacation. It would be worth it if it means you see him.
Hyunjin is quiet, and then he breaks the silence with a chuckle, “W-what?”
“Um, sorry that sounds out of nowhere. I just…I really want to meet you. I miss you, and it sounds like you’re going through a lot. Maybe it’ll help” You trail off, leaving the suggestion up in the air.
“I…I’m not sure, Y/N”
You nod, because it is crazy, “Yeah?”
“Yeah. Fuck, I’m so sorry but I…I don’t think I can meet you. Right now, with everything that’s going on, I honestly don’t have the time and…” He trails off.
You nod again, “Yeah. I understand”
“I’m sorry”
“It’s okay. It’s bad timing”
“It’s bad timing” He repeats, yet his tone is definitive and final.
You can’t seem to see a time in the future which would get better. After the album release, he was going to go on a press tour, and then start preparing for the next album, the music videos, the solo photoshoots…the world tour.
Hyunjin was never going to have time for this, and your throat becomes clogged with a broken dream.
He sighed, softly, “How are you going to get home then, if it’s raining?”
“I’ll wait it out”
“What if it rains till morning?”
You smiled, your silence saying enough.
“I’ll stay with you” He says.
Your brows shot up, “What? Don’t you have…a schedule or an interview to get to?”
His voice came in softly, “It doesn’t matter. I’ll stay with you, till the rain ends”
Now, you wished it would never end.
»»————-
The incessant abuse of your doorbell woke you up. It had been pressed countless times, and it was half past nine.
Why the hell would anybody come to see you this early?
Last night, Hyunjin had stayed on the call as you’d walked home by yourself. You didn’t talk the whole way, of course. In between, he would be quiet, and you’d only hear the rustling of papers and his pencil as he sketched away in his condominium. You’d hear his breaths, and occasionally, he’d say something.
In moments like this, he was a man of few words. You appreciated that, because it was nice, to just exist with him. Although, you were slightly embarrassed at how many times you told him you missed him.
Turning over in your bed, you pushed the pillow over your head to make the noise disappear.
A buzzing of your phone, followed by another short bursts of the doorbell made you sit up.
Who could be here to see you, so urgently, and so fucking impatiently?
“What the hell” You mumbled, getting out of bed, and rushing barefoot on the cold tiles, to answer, and in your sleepy daze you hoped it was him. That by some miracle, Hyunjin had heard your wishes and come to see you.
On the other side of the door, with bagels in hand, stood Felix.
A hood pulled over his head to protect from the rain, he certainly looked a vision.
Your sleep disappeared, in lieu of confusion, “Yongbok?”
He smiled, perfect teeth on display, “Morning. I…see that you were still asleep”
You hugged yourself, realising how exposed you were in your sleep shorts and tank. Although that had never been a problem around him before, “I mean yeah…it’s barely ten”
He cocked his head, “It’s almost noon”
“What?” Your heart dropped, “You’re kidding me”
“I’m really not” He laughed, and then said, “Are you going to let me in? It’s freezing out here”
You realised he was standing in the pouring rain, and you stepped back, “Oh, of course”
You still didn’t know what he was doing here, but years of friendship fell back into place and you let him in.
He pulled the hood off, shaking his hair to get the water out, and looked apologetic, “Sorry, I just showed up. I did try texting you, and I thought you’d be awake”
“I got in late last night” You told him, still standing against your open door, watching Felix in your foyer.
“Oh, were you stuck because of the rain? You could have called me, I’d have come picked you up”
“No, that’s okay. I was on a call”
Realisation crossed his features, “Right. How is he?”
Slight irritation coursed through you, “I didn’t say it was him”
Felix nodded, looking genuinely apologetic, “Sorry. My mistake.”
But of course, he was right because it was Hyunjin you were talking to, but you wouldn’t admit that now, and you held back a groan.
His eyes flickered over your body, “Why are you still standing at the door? You’ll catch a cold”
“What are you doing here?” You hugged yourself tighter, well-aware that you didn’t even have a bra on, “The last time I saw you, you said you didn’t want to be friends with me anymore”
His eyebrows shot up, and he stared at you.
For a second, you did regret it. It was too early to fight. It was too beautiful a morning for this.
Until he laughed, nervously, “Um…that’s not what I meant. Is that what you got from it?”
You frowned, “What?”
He shook his head, “Um, I guess I really didn’t get the point across. I thought you understood me that night. Isn’t that why you’re avoiding me?”
Your head hurt, “I’m not avoiding you…You’re confusing me, Felix. It’s too early for this”
“I’m sorry, you’re right. Hey, look, why don’t you get dressed, and take a shower, and I can make us some coffee…and heat up these bagels by then? After that, maybe we could talk?”
“Talk about what?”
You couldn’t understand him.
“About everything. I realise I’ve been apologising for my actions, but never really explaining why I acted that way this whole time”
But he had been your friend your entire life…so you would hear him out now.
»»————-
He sat at your breakfast table, warm bagels laid out across a plate, with two hot cups of coffee.
You sat across him, pulling your feet up, eyeing his movements.
It wasn’t alien to you…this kindness of his. He had done this countless times before, showed up at your house uninvited, but this time was different, of course.
“I really am sorry for waking you up. I genuinely thought you’d be awake, I thought you had a shift at Aera’s”
“I haven’t had a shift at Aera’s on Tuesday, ever” You responded.
“Oh” He laughed, “Maybe I should have memorised your work schedule back when you started working there…I guess I always assumed it was a temporary job”
You bit into a bagel, unable to hold back your hunger, and it instantly melted in your mouth. A rush of endorphins flooded through you, and you sat back for a minute, letting the taste sit with you, letting your body wake up.
Felix watched you, a soft smile on his face, “You like them?”
“You didn’t have to bake these for me” You spoke, staring at your feet, perched on the chair.
“But I did” He reached his hand out, across the table, “How are you doing?”
You glanced up at him, “I’m…fine”
He frowned, “Your eyes are all swollen. I know what that means”
You pulled your hand back from his, “It’s nothing. I’m just tired of summer”
He sat back, eyebrows raised, “Those are words I never thought I’d hear from you”
“Well…you won’t really understand, Lix”
He slid the cup of coffee towards you, “Try me”
You stared at him, eyes flickering between his, and then reached forward for the cup, “I don’t know. I feel tired of everything lately. I don’t really want to make an effort to go out. I go to work, and back, and so on. It’s kind of a futile existence”
“I go to the Creek every night. You can come with me”
You hugged yourself, “Yeah, but I just feel like there’s more I should be doing”
His tongue poked his cheek, “You mean…that art apprenticeship”
You glanced up at him, heart heavy, “I lost that”
“I’m sorry. You could have told me, you know?”
You’ve been hearing that a lot recently, but you know keeping it a secret was the only way it could have worked. He said he would have understood, but you knew him better than that.
“I was afraid of losing you, but…” You laughed, “That happened anyway”
He shook his head, pulling his chair closer to yours, “At the drive-in theatre, when I said I didn’t want us to be friends again…I didn’t mean it like that. There was more I wanted to say, which I couldn’t”
“Wow, you’re really getting right to it”
He laughed, “What? So, would you prefer we talk about nonsense for another hour? I know why I’m here, I’d feel better if you know too”
You weren’t sure you wanted to hear this, but you nodded, “Keep going”
“I guess what I wanted to say was…” He paused, and when your eyes met his, you realised he was actually nervous.
“Yeah?”
His eyes squeezed shut, and then opened, “I was really fucking jealous”
“Of…what?”
He laughed, a sound you’d loved all these years, “Of…Hyunjin. Obviously. Who else?”
“Felix…we talked about this. You have nothing to be jealous about. Just because he’s in my life now, does not mean you can’t be”
He laughed, “No, that’s not what I’m jealous of. I don’t really care if he’s in your life”
“Then what?”
He sighed, leaning forward, and this angle put him in the path of sunlight. It lit up his face, highlighting the freckles splashed across his nose bridge, and his cheeks, and you saw his lips part to form the words, “You love him.”
Confusion arising, you frowned, “Felix—”
“Let me finish” He laughed, “It’s…been obvious for months”
You were embarrassed, to say the least.
He tilt his head, “Has it not been obvious to you?”
Your face flushed, from the frustration and the embarrassment, “What, my feelings for him?”
“No. My feelings for you"
He said it so simply.
So fucking simple, and you couldn’t even react.
You sat there, looking at him.
Putting together his words in your mind. Again. And Again.
You misheard him. You had to.
“Yongbok”
“It is what you think it is” He paused, “I really thought that you knew”
“You…” A nervous laugh escaped you, and it wasn’t your proudest moment, “You have feelings for me? You’re fucking with me, right?”
You wanted to ask why. But you didn’t.
“Since when?”
“I don’t know” He leaned back, “I…didn’t really realise it until, well, this summer”
“Oh”
“Yeah” He swallowed, “But I know that you don’t feel the same, and I was acting stupid. It was dumb of me”
You stared at him and don’t know how you didn’t realise this. How did you not put two and two together? You felt so fucking dumb for missing all the hints, and all the clues.
“Yongbok. I…um, I don’t know what to say. Sorry, I’m just…overwhelmed and confused”
"You don’t have to say anything” He laughed, “You’re like…my best friend in the fucking universe. I know that doesn’t sound like much, because I mean, we’re twenty and best friends makes it sound like we’re in elementary, but it’s true. You’re literally the most consistent person in my life, and I’m always fucking happy around you. Not just happy, but at peace. I’m happy with Hana, and Minho, and Eunbi too, but with you, it’s like I’m home.”
You couldn’t look him in the eye, “Felix…”
“I’m sorry for all the times I yelled at you. I’m fucking terrible at holding back my frustration, and I was still navigating my…emotions. I could lie and say I never meant to hurt you when we had all those arguments, but I did. I did want you to feel the kind of hurt I did. That’s probably the biggest red flag” He laughed, “But holy shit, Y/N, you have no idea what it took for me to tell you this. With him being here, I just couldn’t because that’s so fucking cliche, it’d be like I was asking you to choose”
You stared at him, uncomfortable, unable to comprehend the extent of his words, “You should have told me”
“I’m telling you now. I know it’s awkward for you, but I have nothing to lose” He chuckled, “I’m not asking you out, or anything. I just want you to know because it was driving me crazy keeping it to myself. In fact, I was never planning to tell you, but the night of my birthday party, during that stupid spin the bottle game, when we kissed, I thought you felt the same”
You remembered the kiss.
It had surprised you how much you liked it.
“I mean, you’re a really good kisser” You admitted, picking from crumbs from the bagel.
He laughed, “Am I?”
“Yeah”
“I try” He smirked, and you know he was trying to lighten the mood. It was so typical of him to make jokes out of an awkward situation, “You’re a really good kisser too. I know after the party, I gave you a 7.5 on the kissing scale, but…I was obviously kidding”
You looked up at him, “Really?”
He nodded, still smiling, “I’m sure Hyunjin would agree with me”
Just like that, the bubble popped.
Your smile fell.
“Sorry” He apologised, “You guys have kissed, right?”
“Yeah”
“And he still went back to Seoul?” He laughed, “Man, being an idol really sucks”
“Yongbok…”
“Okay” He laughed, “I’m sorry. I was just trying to make you laugh”
You didn’t know what this was, or what to make of it.
What are you supposed to say that? You felt an obligation, to return his feelings, despite all the arguments you had in the recent months, you wish you could return them.
You didn’t want to be the one breaking his heart, or anybody’s.
Is this how Hyunjin would feel if you’d told him you loved him?
Would you have also lightened your inevitable rejection by stupid humour?
You don’t know what you can possibly say to Yongbok, to make things okay.
So later, when he’s helping you wash the cups, foam-filled hands, you ask him, “Are you going to be okay?”
Yongbok looks up at you, a soft smile on his features, and you again realise how beautiful he looked in the sunlight. His skin is lit up, a kindness in his eyes has returned, like a weight was lifted off his shoulders, and he tells you he’s okay.
He tells you not to worry, and that you owe him nothing. He then dips his hand in the foamy sink, reaching up to smear some on your nose, a childlike laughter filling your kitchen.
You wonder if you would feel the same relief, if you confessed the truth to Hyunjin.
»»————-
Your phone rings later that evening, and it’s Hyunjin.
He asks you if you’re okay, and if you’re better than you were yesterday.
You were on the brink of tears last night.
Today, you are better.
Yongbok’s words come back to you, and you wonder why you don’t love him. It sure would have made everything a little easier.
Everything makes sense now, the way he’s been acting all summer, his behaviour around Hyunjin, and you feel a little stupid for being so oblivious to it.
When you drift off into thought, Hyunjin asked you again, if you were okay.
“I met Yongbok” You responded.
His voice lit up, at your rekindled friendship, “Yeah? What did you guys do?”
You tell him about the bagels, and the coffee, and because you can never keep anything from Hyunjin, you end up blurting, “He told me he loves me. That he has his entire life”
You don’t know why you say it. You’re looking for a reaction. Or for consolation.
But Hyunjin is quiet on the other end, and he doesn’t say much for the rest of the night, and you wonder if you should have just kept it to yourself.
»»————-
Hyunjin doesn’t call you the next day, or the next, or the one after that.
You try to distract yourself, stealing away work hours into painting.
Each brushstroke soothed you, and you pour out your emotions.
Unrequited love is a bitch, and you feel guilty every time you see Felix, but he’s more than okay. You can’t imagine being the same.
Your paintings end up all looking really sad. They make you feel sad when you look at them, and you realise you’re only painting of longing.
Hyunjin finally texts you.
It’s only to tell you that Chan and Kairi broke up.
He doesn’t say much more, but he doesn’t have to.
You knew what they meant to them, and perhaps this breakup impacted him more than them.
You go back to painting your solitude.
It’s calming, under the glow of your lamp, tucked in a corner of your room, you lose yourself in your art.
Autumn is closer than it was yesterday, and it makes you sad. Summer is further away in your past now, and so is he.
Hyunjin’s texts get less frequent, as the days go by.
You feel obsessive, you feel just a little crazy.
You feel like a teenage girl waiting for her crush to call back.
Your heart breaks a little more with each hour that he doesn’t call.
You’re worried all the time, if he was okay.
You read about the scandals on the news, and the rumours on the internet, and some of them involve him but most of them involve Jisung.
Yeonjun keeps you updated on the trial, and all the press outlets that Jisung has sued.
Hyunjin doesn’t have space in his life for a relationship, but as days pass, it feels like he doesn’t for a friendship either.
hyun
hey yn
im so sorry
i’ve had a horrible schedule the past few days
they’re really trying to make up for everything I missed
i haven’t been sleeping much and i just…haven’t got much time on my phone
my managers have been really strict
they limit my activities on there
but don’t worry im okay
i spend most of my time in the studio
i miss you too. a lot
His replies soothe you, more than your own art ever could.
You fall into a habit. You check the news each morning, even before your first sip of coffee, worried if he’s okay.
Hyunjin keeps telling you he’s fine, and you force yourself to believe him.
He sends you pictures of his art, and you notice how much he’s improved. He’s using all of the techniques you taught him. He’s painting about all of his days in your hometown.
Other nights, you don’t hear from him at all.
You feel it falling apart, and your heart breaks.
One day, he asks you about Yongbok again.
You question if you should never have told him about the confession.
»»————-
The day his album releases, you listen to it before anybody in the world, or at least you’d like to believe so.
It’s beautiful, and it’s raw. It’s a mix of every genre you can imagine. Hyunjin sings about love like he’s been in it. The album is more beautiful than you could anticipate, and you can already see the headlines surrounding it’s success.
Felix takes you to a store in Samhae, so you can purchase it for yourself, and when you find yourself in a line of twenty girls talking about him, you feel like fighting them.
You borrow Yuqi’s car, so you can push the CD into the stereo, and hear it before you can even get home.
The music Hyunjin makes is beautiful as him, and you hear the vocal fry, and the cadence he speaks with, and you fall in love with him even more.
It feels like cheating, as Felix sits in the passenger seat, listening to the same songs.
You wanted to ask him what he thinks of the album, but you hold back.
When you got home, you sat in the darkness of your room, and listened to it again, just by yourself.
You called him to tell him what you think of it, but he’s at a party and he has no time for this.
So you end up keeping your thoughts just to yourself.
»»————-
You stared at the letter mail within your hands.
It arrived a few days ago, but you hadn’t noticed it until now.
It had been lying in your mailbox, gathering dust, and you stood on the sidewalk, wondering how you the hell you missed it.
It was from the city.
Your heart dropped into your gut, as you ripped open the envelope, making sure not to damage the contents inside.
You took a deep breath.
Holy shit.
It was going to be a rejection.
It had to be.
You stood absolutely still on the pavement, unfolding the letter. It’s so thin you’re afraid you’re going to rip it.
You can’t read this alone. You wish Hyunjin would here, it’d probably feel less scary.
But you can’t wait either. You need to know now.
You scanned the paper, yet your brain couldn’t comprehend the sentences, and skipped forward, registering only certain words. Like a record skipping.
A word stands out to you.
Congratulations.
And then you go back to the start of the letter, trying to make sense of what you just read, but your heart is already beating out of your chest and you think you’re going to pass out.
Congratulations.
Kim Jieong would be honoured to have you join him as an apprentice for his Fall Program in Painting at the Atelier of the Arts in Seoul, South Korea.
You reread the words until they were seared into your mind, and into your heart.
You read them until the paper became wet with droplets, and you realise you were crying.
On the side of the sidewalk.
Then you read them again.
You folded the piece of paper into your pocket, and you texted the boy you loved.
hyunjin!
when can i call you?
i have something to tell you
it’s really important
You wait for his answer, but your message doesn’t deliver.
So you sat down on your front porch, trying to calm your heart but you’re bursting with excitement and anticipation. You’ve already texted Felix and Minho, but you’re only waiting for one person’s reaction.
You need to tell him now.
He could be busy. He could be at work, or in bed, but you don’t care.
He has to be the first to know.
You find yourself dialling his number, and your hands are shaking, and your heart is trembling.
Hyunjin doesn’t pick up.
And you’re met with an unfamiliar message.
“We're sorry, you have reached a number that has been disconnected or is no longer in service.”
»»————-
THREE MONTHS LATER
»»————-
“Take my hand if you don’t wanna fall”
You looked up, and Felix is smiling down at you, the sun a halo around his head.
He’s got pink skates on, and it suits him.
The brightness of them stands out in the park.
“You’re awfully confident for someone who’s fallen over…thrice now?” Minho laughs, coming to stand next to you, arms on his hips.
“I’ll be fine, Lix” You smiled, tightening the laces of your roller-skates.
“Let me at least help you up” He insisted.
You nodned, letting him take your hand and pull you up. You’re inches from him when you stand up, and he smiled at you.
“See you at the rink in a few?” He tilt his head.
“I’ll see you, Lix”
He let go of your hand, and you miss the steadiness it gave you, but almost instantly Minho comes to your side. With a hand on your back, he leads you to the rink. You’re still getting used to these roller-skates, and you’ve fallen over more than you’d liked.
“Aren’t you glad I dragged you out here?” He nudged you.
“Sure” You smiled at him, trying to match his pace.
It’s a beautiful day at the park. There’s a harvest festival, where Felix bobbed for apples, and you cheered for him. Then Minho forced you all onto the rink, bringing you a new pair of skates since you couldn’t find your old ones. As you skated around the park with your friends, it almost feels like the old days.
The leaves had changed color.
The days were shorter now, and the sun hung low in the sky, the temperature dropping to single digits.
With the onset of fall, you stopped swimming in the Creek, and the fireflies disappeared, and you never left the house without a cardigan anymore.
Aera’s kept you busy, and so did the weekends at The Château. You and Seungmin grew even closer, and you found joy in interacting with travelling tourists, searching for artistic pursuits and adventure in your little town.
Felix explored his love for baking with you, and you recreated everything in his recipe book… except for the strawberry streusels. Yeonjun consistently kept in touch with, and told you of his life in the city, the drama in his workplace, and about the cute new girl that sat across him at work.
You fell in love with the palette of autumn, and all your artworks became tinged with shades of orange and red. All of your sweaters became tainted with paint splatters, and the walls of your room became full with your memories of the summer.
“Are you going to take these with you? I bought them for you, full-price mind you” Minho asked you.
You sighed, “I don’t know”
“There has to be places in Seoul to skate in” He thought, and grabbed your hand so you can speed up. You smiled, feeling the wind on your face, desperately trying to not lose your balance.
“I don’t think I have space in my suitcase” You told him, as he stopped.
Felix is on the other side, and he’s smiling at you. He looks cute, and he’s with his sister. She’s in matching pink rollerblades, and Felix has spent more than an hour teaching her how to skate.
There’s a couple next to them, and they’re holding hands and skating, and they keep kissing, and your chest hurts with the thought of him.
You haven’t been able to talk to him in months…
He doesn’t even know you got into the program.
His number changed, and he closed all of private social media.
“Hey?” Minho said, turning your head to look at him, and he can read your mind, “You’ll find him once you get to the city, it’s only a matter of time”
You frowned, “How? I don’t even know where he lives…I don’t even know if he’s okay”
“Well, you obviously know he’s alive” Minho joked, “He looks pretty good in all the interviews they did”
“I’m just worried about him” You mumbled, “It feels weird to go this long without hearing from him”
“It’s probably something with the company. Hyunjin told you how controlling they were, didn’t he?”
“Yeah, but…he’s not a kid. How can they control this shit in his life?”
You’ve had this same conversation millions of times before, over the past three months, but you still can’t understand what happened. You had tried every way to get in touch with him, but with how famous he was right now…it was impossible.
It’s not even like you can go to Facebook and add him as a fucking friend.
“I can ask Felix to try” Minho asked.
“No” You insist, “It’s not gonna make a difference. It doesn’t matter anyway. I’ll see him soon”
You can’t help but have hope. At the beginning, you were worried, and then you were angry but now you’re just confused. You know he’d never change his contact information without telling you, or even Minho, or Seungmin.
Something went wrong.
A huge reason you’re excited to go to Seoul, is so you can finally meet him, and know what happened, how he’s been, and if he’s okay.
You heard Felix call out to you.
“Wait, Y/N” Minho grabbed your arm, “I’m sure he’s even more upset than you”
Over the past few months, Minho has discussed all of his theories with you, about what could have happened. He’s so sure, that Hyunjin’s company is involved. You want to believe him, because there’s no way Hyunjin would do this.
“What are you two gossiping about?” Felix asked, skating over to you, and from where you stand, he really looked like a fairy, long hair blowing in the wind.
“Nothing important” You smiled at him, “Wanna skate with me now?”
“Always” He grinned. You let him take your hand, and pull you around the rink, guiding you through groups of friends, children and couples.
“What are you wearing to the party tonight?” He asks, after a while, and his hand landed on your waist, helping you balance.
“Whatever outfit I haven’t packed” You admitted, honestly.
“Come on, you’re the star of the night” He spun in front of you, “You should wear the blue dress, the one you wore to Yeonjun’s party last year”
Tonight is the going away party that Minho is throwing for you. You can’t believe it’s already time. You leave tomorrow.
Everything has been building up to this, and you���re so excited, you think you could burst. You’re anxious too, because everything has to go right, it’s only what you’ve been dreaming about.
Your acceptance letter is tucked into a book, and it feels like only yesterday that you found out, but it’s already been months.
The night you got accepted, Felix baked you a chocolate cake. You were too shaken up, and confused about the fact that you couldn’t get through to Hyunjin, but you had to celebrate.
Felix… distracts you from all your worries. You’re grateful for his company.
“I don’t want to be the star” You told him.
Felix rolled his eyes, “You deserve it, love, and you have no choice”
You had been anxious about Hyunjin for months, confused, and heartbroken, but you have bigger things to worry about.
The program starts in a week, and you don’t have enough time to prepare.
Yet, you’ve been preparing for it all your life.
The money you’ve saved up happens to just be enough for a studio apartment, and Yeonjun helped you find a place in a busy neighbourhood.
Not that it mattered.
You would sleep in the subway if you had to, if it means you’ll get to learn from The Kim Jieong. The artist you’ve looked up to all your life, your inspiration, your muse, and your everything.
Later that night, Minho helped you pack, and you take only what you need. You can’t afford to leave your supplies at home, like he did, so you packed all of them. You keep aside the tattered brushes, because the city kids would definitely disapprove.
Your suitcase filled up quickly, with an array of watercolours, and acrylics, and pastels, and you compromised on your clothes.
You only pack your favourite coat, and your dark sweaters, and the skirts you didn’t wear here yet.
The going away party is small, and you love and hate every part of it. You wear the blue dress Felix wanted you to. Everybody there tells you you’ll do well, and you wonder if any of them secretly resent you, if they think you’re another person who gave into the city's false charms. Everybody who moves to the city from a small town is always celebrated, but you know you’ll probably be hated when you’re actually gone.
You’re in such a daze throughout, you don’t realise the importance of that night.
You’re not going away for long, but it’s still a huge deal.
The apprenticeship has a low acceptance rate, and they hardly take any students from Korea. It’s mostly international kids, and you can’t believe you get the chance to be amongst them.
After the party, you and Felix stay to help Minho clean up, and you stand on the threshold of the doorway, to catch your breath. Felix threw away the last of the beer bottles, and stood opposite you, leaning on the other end.
Your arms are folded behind your back, and you smile at him.
“I can’t believe Seonmi tried to get us to play spin the bottle again”
You sigh, “I’m glad Minho shut them down”
Felix laughs, and then his shoulders sag as the laughter dies down, “How are you feeling?”
“Tired” You tell him, “But…I’m really fucking excited too”
“I can’t believe you’re leaving” He mumbles, for the tenth time that night, and he pushes his hands in his pockets.
“It’s not like I’m moving away forever” You tell him, “The apprenticeship is just a temporary program”
“But isn’t the point of it to get a job in the city?” He asks.
“There’s only a few spots open, for the people that perform the best”
“Then you’re definitely not coming back” He says, smiling, placing unwavering faith in you.
“We’ll see” You shrug.
“Is he coming to pick you up from the station?” He asks.
You nod, “If he can make it. He’s been busy recently”
“You promise to keep me in your life?” He suddenly asks, tilting his head. You notice his hair’s grown longer in the fall, falling to his shoulders. The blonde suits him, the glow of the porch lights sharpen his cheekbones, and the shadows on his face.
“You’d push your way back, even if I didn’t” You tell him.
He laughs, knowing it’s the truth, “I’ve had the privilege of knowing you since we were…kids. I’m never letting you go, you know that?”
His words are meant to comfort you, but the irony doesn’t fail to strike.
He must have noticed the fall in your expression, because he steps forward, “Hey, hey. What’s wrong?”
“I’m…kind of a little terrified” You admit, eyes downcast, watching the pink shoelaces of Felix’s worn-out shoes.
“You’ve been painting your whole life. Everybody’s going to fall in love with you there, I can bet my life on that”
“I only need Kim Jieong to fall in love with me” You joke.
“And he will. You’ll spare no one”
You swallow, “Thank you. I know you never really wanted me to move away. But I’m really glad you understand how much this means to me”
“I rather you be away from me than be miserable in this little town” He admits, and his finger meets the end of your chin. He tilts your head up, so you’re looking him right in the eye.
“That doesn’t sound like you” You mumble.
He rolls his eyes, “I know. The things I do for you”
You smile, “Thank you”
“I’m really gonna miss you” He admits, “You’ll come home for the next summer though, right?”
You nod, and his hand is still on your chin, “Of course. I’ll be here”
His lips pull up into a smile, and his eyes are bright, and the freckles on his skin look far too much like stardust right now.
“You’ll be here. That’s why summer’s my favourite season” He mumbles, but his voice is suddenly hoarse now, half of his words lost in his mouth.
He’s staring right at you, and you feel the breath leave your lungs.
It reminds you of the night of his birthday and how he came to your rescue, kissing you to save you from embarrassment.
“Can I kiss you?” He suddenly asks you, the depth of his voice prickling through you.
Apparently, he was thinking of the same thing.
The words throw you for a loop, but yet they don’t.
He knows you don’t feel the same way for him. He knows that you’re in love with someone else. But he still asks. It’s a goodbye kiss. It doesn’t mean much more.
So, you say yes, and he swallows your words in a kiss.
He presses you up against the doorway, but he doesn’t deepen the kiss. His lips move against yours, and his hands hold you, and all you can think about how is how different this feels.
It’s not that you’ve given up on Hyunjin. In fact, in a few days, you’ll be closer to him than you’ve ever been, under the same night sky, breathing the same air.
Your hands stay behind you, pressed into the doorway, and you feel the slightest urge to run them through his hair, but you don’t.
Felix kisses you sweetly, and when he pulls away, there’s no awkwardness. He lets out a laugh, pulling playfully at your cheeks and mumbles something about making sure you don’t miss the train in the morning.
That night, when you’re packing away the last of your things, you reached for the sketchbook you had left at Hyunjin’s house. It laid by your bedside, but you haven’t opened it in weeks. You decided to take it with you, if only for the memories and the sketches you’ll make on the journey.
As you reach to put it in your suitcase, something dropped from within its pages and landed on the wooden floor.
Frowning, you bent down to pick it up.
It’s a vertical photo strip, and when you flip it over, your breath stops in your throat.
It’s the pictures from the photobooth.
Of you and Hyunjin kissing, in the pink lights.
How the fuck did that get in here?
You’re absolutely sure he had deleted them, right in front of your own eyes.
It stirs memories within you, plunging you right back into that moment, the hot, heavy kisses that you shared, the tightness with which he gripped your hips, the urgency with which you touched each other.
Your core tightened, and you sit on the floor to take a breath.
You stared at the strip of pictures. Your first instinct is to text him, and ask where he got them, but you can’t even contact him.
It’s another question you can’t wait to ask him, when you finally see him again.
A tsunami of feelings overwhelms you, and you know that you can’t blame him for this sudden rift between you, because you can still feel the intensity with which he held you, and moments like that can’t be temporary.
A new buzz runs through your veins, and you hold the photo strip tight to your chest, wondering when it would be real again.
»»————-
The stars in the sky were replaced by the skyscraper lights, as your train hurtled closer to its destination.
Clutching your ticket in your hand, your eyes were peeled to the window, watching the city skyline become closer, and closer, until the buildings loomed over you.
You’d seen the city through pixels and in coffee table books but never like this.
Your camera ran out of film before you’d even arrived, and perhaps you should have prepared for that. You couldn’t stop your excitement. Everything was new, and everything was gorgeous. You took pictures of your ticket, of your seat, of the view.
You have to document this. In every form possible.
The cute boy across you even offered to share a pack of Peppero sticks halfway through the ride, and you hoped everybody in the city was as kind as him.
There were more people at the platform than in the entirety of Daejon, and you held your bags tightly to you, making your way through the crowd. At a certain point, you weren’t even walking, just pushed toward the nearest exit, going with the flow of the crowd around you.
Each breath brought a new scent, fighting for your attention in the crowd. The musty luggage that had travelled all over the country being dragged against the concrete.
There must be a cafe nearby, because the aroma of coffee wafted through the air, and it wasn’t till the scent of pastries hit you that you realised you were starving.
There’d be time for food later.
The faint hint of cologne and perfume clouded your senses, different kinds of fragrances worn by the people who walked through the station.
It was overwhelming, a sensory overload, but you had expected this chaos.
You welcomed it.
He was waiting for you at the platform.
Relief flooded through you at the familiar face amongst the crowd.
“Look at her” He remarked, a small smile overtaking him.
“Fuck” You ran up to him, navigating through the few people still in your way.
His arms wrapped around you immediately, lifting you off the ground momentarily, and his scent was familiar and it was known, and it calmed you instantly. You buried your face in his neck, letting him hold you to his body in the crowd.
“You’re here” He breathed, pulling back to look at you, eyes wide.
“I missed you” You admitted, reaching out to grab his hand, “Thank you…for coming to pick me up”
He squeezed yours in return, “I wouldn’t miss it for the world”
“No, I’m serious. Thank you, Yeonjun”
He stared at you, eyes crinkling in appreciation and love, “You don’t have to thank me”
The crowd moved around you, like a river around a rock, as you held him close to you.
Everything was unfamiliar here, but him.
“Come on, let’s get you out of here” He smiled, grabbing your bags.
Walking out of the station felt like stepping into a dream you’d forgotten.
You’d studied these streets, and dreamt of these buildings, but now you stood amongst them. Awe and fascination swelled in your heart, and if it wasn’t for Yeonjun keeping a hold on you, you’d probably stop and stare at every little thing.
The neon lights danced along the alleyways, casting colors onto everyone around you.
It was so typical.
It was just like the movies.
You picked up on snippets of conversations, leftovers of drama, but it was crazy, because for the first time, you didn’t know who they were gossiping about. There were no familiar faces or names, a reality you could never live before.
In the distant, you could hear street musicians and you stopped, pulling at Yeonjun’s sleeve, “Can we go see that?”
You’ve seen far too many Youtube videos about this, and you have been waiting to experience this yourself.
He laughed, gesturing to your luggage, “With all this stuff in our hands?”
“Right” You realised.
“Hey, we can always come back to this. Let’s get you settled in first, yeah?” He said, reaching forward to tuck your hair back in a gesture that soothed you.
“I know. I just…I’m excited. Sorry” You apologised.
“Don’t be sorry. I was the same my first day here” He said, sincerely, “I’m glad I have you to share this with. Although you’re already doing better than me, I was so overwhelmed”
You swallowed, “I am too, but…I want to be”
Yeonjun’s lips curled up into a smile, “Yeah?”
“I’ve thought about this moment for a long time, Jun”
“I know” He smiled, then tugged at your hand, “Now come on, we’re almost at your apartment”
You let him tug you along, because you were too lost taking everything in to navigate yourself.
It was overwhelming,
But you embraced it.
»»————-
“Are you sure this is the right building?”
“Mmh, I checked on the map. It’s definitely the red building”
“It…looks different than it did online” You said, staring at the apartment.
“I’m sure it’s nicer inside” He shot you a calm look.
He grabbed the heavier suitcase, before attempting to push the door open.
It didn’t budge, and he stopped, “Is the door locked or something?”
“Um, they told me it’d be open till six” You mumbled, glancing at your phone to check the time.
“Well, it’s certainly not open” Yeonjun muttered, trying to push it open with his shoulder.
His efforts were met with no real results, and he released a frustrated sigh.
“Maybe I can try” You side-stepped him, lamely attempting to turn the knob.
“You know, it’s not that cold” Yeonjun rolled his eyes at the thick gloves you had on.
“It’s cold for me” You defended.
Daejon almost had the same weather year-round.
You weren’t used to the chill that came this up north.
“I pray for you when winter comes” He added.
You turned to him, arms crossed, “So…are we just going to stand here the rest of the night?”
“Why don’t you call the landlord?”
You bit your lip, “I wouldn’t wanna inconvenience him”
Yeonjun sighed, dropping the duffel bag on the pavement, “You literally can’t get into your apartment. I think he’ll understand”
Your new life in the city was off to a great start.
“Maybe I can try again tomorrow” You spoke, “Could I stay at your place tonight?”
“Y/N” He stepped forward, placing a hand on your shoulder, “You can, but you’re not going to be bothering him, I promise you. This is kind of his job”
You stared at him, and sighed, “You’re right. But, before I call him, do you think there’s another entrance to the place? Maybe we’re at the wrong one”
Yeonjun looked up at the facade of the building. All the blinds to the apartment windows were shut, and he kept his hands on his hips, “I’ll check around the back”
“Thank you” You nodded, “I’ll try the door here”
You peeled off your gloves, turning the knob again, hoping that it might work this time.
You pushed at it with your shoulder, and to your surprise, the door burst open, plunging you inside.
Somebody else had opened the door from the inside.
“Fuck” You collided with them, flushing with embarrassment.
“Whoa” He exclaimed, hands coming up to your shoulders, “Are you okay?”
“Oh my god. I’m so sorry” You stepped back, looking up at him.
Was everyone in Seoul a fucking model or something?
His hair fell into his eyes, sharp features and a jawline that immediately stood out to you.
He seemed to be younger than you.
He observed your form, eyes flickering over your figure before he stepped back, to let you breathe, “Were you…breaking in to my apartment or something?”
“No!” You immediately responded in horror, eyes wide, “I…I’m Y/N”
His eyebrows shot up, “Is that supposed to mean something to me?”
“I’m the new resident on the sixth floor” You explained, voice unsure by the second, “Mr. Kwon didn’t mention me?”
“Oh” His eyes widened in recognition, “Right. He did. I didn’t think you’d be coming in today. Bad weather to be moving in”
“You’re right” You laughed, pushing your hands in your pockets, “So, uh…I’m Y/N”
He smiled, eyes crinkling, “Hi, Y/N. I’m Jeongin”
“Sorry about the door. I couldn’t get in”
“It tends to get stuck in the cold sometimes” He explained, then looked behind you, “Is that all the stuff you have?”
You turned back, “Yeah. My friend’s gone around the block…to look for another entrance”
Jeongin smiled brightly, like he had no troubles in the world, “Well, I can help you get your bags up, unless you wanna wait for your friend to come back?”
“I’ll just tell him I got the door open” You explained, reaching for your phone to text Yeonjun.
Your new neighbour, Jeongin, watched as you typed out the text, and then reached forward, to pick up the duffel you’d abandoned on the street.
“You probably shouldn’t leave your stuff out like that” He laughed, grabbing the handle of your suitcase, “Some scumbags are just looking for an opportunity like that”
“Oh” You realised, feeling dumb for leaving your things unattended.
Jeongin pulled your suitcase and duffel bag up the porch stairs, before shooting you a glance, “I’m guessing you’re new to the city”
“It’s obvious?” You laughed, feeling embarrassed.
“Don’t worry about it” He shook it off with a hand, as you followed him up the stairs, “I’m on the second floor, by the way”
You clutched the rusty bannister with one hand, craning your neck to observe the atrium. The centre of the staircase had a skylight, but it was pitch-black outside.
He glanced back at you, “If you ever find yourself stuck outside, you can shoot me a text. I’m almost always home”
You followed him up to the sixth floor, “Thank you, that’s really nice of you. Are you in university?”
He nodded, “I take my classes online though. You?”
“I’m here for an art internship”
“Where’d you move here from?” He asked, as you made your way to the door, and you handed him the keys.
“Daejon. It’s a small town down south, near the beach and the mountains. You probably haven’t heard of it”
He turned to you, with a grin, “Sounds beautiful”
You unlocked the door to your unit, and thankfully this lock was easier than the one below.
Flicking the switches on, you glanced around.
The apartment certainly was…something.
It was a studio, unfurnished, one bedroom, one bath.
The walls and floor were bare, and there was hardly any lighting, but that could be fixed.
Everything could be fixed.
You had made it here, and that’s what mattered.
A little kitchen window looked out into a fire escape, glimpses of the city visible.
It excited you already. You could set up an easel there and learn to paint this new landscape.
You’d brought no artwork with you…but the new paintings you made could decorate the walls, and soon the place would fill up with your new memories of the city.
There was so much potential.
“It’s not bad. Mr. Kwon gave you one of the better units” The boy commented, and you realised he was still here, as you’d been fantasising about your new place.
“Really? You’re not just saying that to make me feel better?”
Jeongin raised an eyebrow, “Why would I want to make you feel better? We’ve only known each other like… thirty seconds”
Your eyes widened, and for a second you wondered if he actually meant it, before he burst into a laugh.
“Sorry” He giggled, “I was kidding. Did you think I was not?”
“And how would I know you were kidding? I just met you, like you said” You exhaled.
He laughed, walking back to you, “Why would I be so rude to you for no reason?”
You shrugged, hugging yourself, “I don’t know…maybe you’re an asshole”
“Ouch” He laughed.
“Who are you?” A familiar voice interrupted, and you turned to see Yeonjun stood at the doorway. His eyes were wide, and his hair was wet from the rain. You felt guilty for leaving him out in the cold, but he was more concerned about the stranger in your apartment.
“Who are you?” Jeongin asked him in return, “How’d you get in?”
Yeonjun’s eyes narrowed, “The door was open downstairs”
“Shit” He mumbled, “Mr Kwon will kill me”
“Why are you in my friend’s living room?” Yeonjun asked.
“I was helping her in”
Yeonjun shot you a look, and you shrugged, “What?”
Jeongin looked between the two of you awkwardly, “I gotta go close up downstairs”
“Sure. Thank you for letting me in by the way”
“Course. No problem” He smiled, pushing his hands in his denim jacket pockets as he left.
Once he was out of earshot, Yeonjun shut the apartment door, and raised an eyebrow at you, “Who was he?”
“Yang Jeongin” You leaned against the kitchen counter, letting out a breath, “He opened the door for me”
“And you let him into your apartment. What if he’s a creep?”
“Relax, Jun. At least I’m inside now”
He looked around, observing the place, “Well, at least there’s no mold here or anything”
You stare at him, “Are you kidding me? The place is… perfect”
He laughs, “What?”
You run up to him, pulling him into a hug, “Thank you, thank you, thank you”
He wrapped his arms around you, “Someone’s happy”
You looked up at him, “Of course I am. This is what I’ve wanted my entire life”
“You didn’t seem this excited downstairs” He pointed out.
“I was worried for a second there” You say, “But now I’m so happy”
He laughed, “Fuck. I’m happy for you”
You let go of him, to sit on your new couch, in your new home.
“If I get some cute stuff and more lights, it’ll be nice, right?”
He walked over to the kitchen window, peering out at the view, “Just be careful to keep the blinds closed at night”
“Why?” You frowned.
“There’s a lot of creepy people in the city”
You smiled, dropping your head back on the couch, “I don’t care”
He laughed again, stepping over to you, “When do you want to unpack?”
“Is it crazy if I say right now? I kind of want to put all my stuff in place”
“No, it’s not crazy. You’re not tired?”
“I’ve been preparing for this my whole life, so no”
He chuckled, “I’m guessing you’re going to be saying that a lot”
He walked over to the bedroom, “It’s smaller than on the website. You’ll have to buy a bed”
“I know” You hummed, closing your eyes, to take everything in. If you sat here quietly, you’d be able to hear the sirens, the pedestrians, the noise from all the shops.
“Do you wanna order some pizza?” He asked.
“That’s perfect”
As the hours pass, you put away all your clothes in the wardrobe. Yeonjun helped you arrange the paintbrushes and canisters in a corner. You’ve only had enough space to bring two canvases and you balanced them against your bedroom wall.
Yeonjun played an English rock band he’s lately been obsessed with as you emptied the last of your suitcase.
The pizza arrived in no time, and Yeonjun brought it upstairs.
You’ve opened the kitchen window to let the city sounds in, and he smiles at your amused expression. Your apartment faces a busy street, but you love it. There’s absolutely no silence, and you think it’ll help you fall asleep at night.
Sitting on the floor, the pizza box lay between you as Yeonjun told you about his favourite spots in the city. He was a little overprotective, telling you to avoid certain neighbourhoods, but you appreciate him.
“Are you excited to join the internship?” He asked, biting down into the pepperoni.
“Apprenticeship” You corrected him.
“What’s the difference?” He laughed.
“Look it up” You rolled your eyes, tossing a pepperoni at him.
He nodded, “So you’re sticking in Seoul forever then?”
You laughed, “We’ll see”
“You didn’t answer my question” He repeated, popping open a coke can, a hissing sound accompanying it.
“I am excited. Obviously” You smiled, “Nervous to meet Kim Jieong though. He’s like my favourite artist, ever, in the entire observable universe”
Yeonjun laughed, passing you the coke can, “I better be the first to hear all about your first day”
“Who else will I even tell?” You laughed.
He nodded, swallowing the crusts, and choosing to stay quiet.
It’s awkward. Hyunjin’s thought hangs in the air.
He doesn’t know you’re here.
He doesn’t even know you got accepted.
“We could do something crazy. If you want”
“What?” You asked, curious.
“You’re probably gonna hate the idea” He laughed.
You scoot closer to him, “Tell me”
He bites into another piece, “You know where he works. The Pegasus headquarters. It’s not too far from your classes”
You stare at him as he talks. The idea makes you feel like a stalker.
“I can’t just show up at his workplace”
“Isn’t that how you two met in the first place? He showed up to your workplace?”
You grabbed the coke can from him, “You’re clever. But no…that’d be weird”
“How else are you going to get in touch with him?”
“I don’t know, but it is so weird to think that we’re under the same sky now”
Yeonjun rolled his eyes, “You’re way too romantic. You know that you’re always under the same sky, right? No matter where you are on Earth”
“Shut up” You tossed a piece of pepperoni at him, “Don’t kill the mood”
“Fine. You’re breathing the same air as Hyunjin. I mean, if you really want to be romantic, you’ll probably bump into him sometime soon”
“There’s like ten million people in the city, Jun”
“Oh, now you’re logical?” He laughed. Yeonjun’s face suddenly lit up, and you know he’s had a terrible idea.
“What? Don’t tell me…”
“I’m going to help you find him. That’s kind of my job”
“Finding people?” You laughed.
“No, tracking their digital footprints, and shit”
“How is that going to help us find Hyunjin again?”
“I don’t know. I’m still figuring that part out”
You rolled your eyes, and you lie down.
Your stomach is full, you’re tired, and the floor of your new place is cold, and you love it. You’re so happy.
You’re right where you belong, and right where you were always supposed to be.
It feels right, and you smile to yourself.
“Do you want to go for a walk? Maybe we can explore your neighbourhood. You can get familiar with it” Yeonjun suggested.
You sat up so quickly, “That’s the greatest idea I’ve ever heard”
So, he took you around the alleys, and you tried to memorise the names of the streets, and he showed you a coffee shop, and a Paris fucking Baguette.
Your street is busy and full of life, even this late at night. Even from here, you could see the high-rise buildings surrounding you, glass houses, and everything is glamorous.
“I literally feel like I’m inside a drama” You told Yeonjun, watching all of the little shops and snack stands. The mannequins in the window display wore clothes you could never get away with wearing back home.
But, you’ll wear them now.
It’s so much all at once.
He held your hand, introducing you to everything he knew of.
You feel like a stranger in your own country. Everything is different here.
But you’re right where you belong, and as Yeonjun led you back home, you looked up at the sky.
It’s different too.
You realise Hyunjin was right all along.
There are no stars here.
»»————-
It’s been less than a week, and you’re lost.
You’re not proud to admit it.
But the city is big, and you were only trying to find your way to The Atelier.
Cabs were expensive as hell, so you’d decided to walk, and take the trains but clearly you’d ended up in the wrong neighbourhood.
You called Yeonjun. Obviously.
“Look, Y/N. I still don’t understand what possessed you go visit your art building this late”
“I was impatient!” You admitted. Your classes don’t start for another week, but you wanted to check the place out. You couldn’t hold your excitement.
“You could’ve just waited for the weekend. I would have gone with you”
You snorted, “Right. What would you do in a place like that?”
“Hey, I can be artsy too” He retorted, “Now tell me what you see”
You stared ahead of you.
It’s busy, and there’s so many people. You turn a corner, and then another, and another. It’s already dark out, and the streetlights have twinkled on. You wish you could appreciate the beauty, but you’re so lost.
Somehow, you’re not scared. You know you’ll figure it out.
You’ve made it this far after all.
“I’m at a street with a thousand shops”
“So…every single street of this city? You’re so helpful”
“You’re not being very helpful either” You crossed your arms.
“Just go into any shop, and ask them where the art building is”
“What if they don’t know?”
“Then ask somebody else” Yeonjun suggested.
You survey the plethora of shops. Half of them have already shuttered down, and some are in the process of closing.
There’s only one store that’s open. It looks like it sells snacks and drinks, but maybe they can tell you where you are. The fluorescent lights of it cast a harsh aura upon the streets, unmatched to the traditional aesthetic of everything else.
“Okay. That’ll give me an excuse to get that expensive candy I saw at the station”
Yeonjun laughed, “I am appalled at how positive you’re being right now despite being in the middle of nowhere”
You walked up the little stairs, a chime sounding as you enter.
It’s bigger than you expected inside.
There’s rows and rows of snacks, shelves stocked to the brim. It’s local, different from a 7/11 franchise, but it’s just as organised. There’s a few people already in the store, and you walked past them, until you find an employee who can help you.
“Yeah, once I decided to stop being affected by every little thing, life became much easier” You joked.
You can almost imagine Yeonjun rolling his eyes as he said, “If only everything was that easy”
“I’m gonna ask someone who works here. I’ll call you after, okay?” You spoke into the phone, before hanging up.
There’s a girl, she looked friendly enough.
“Excuse me?”
She turned, and she was chewing gum, “Yeah? How can I help you?”
“Yeah, could you tell me how I can get to the Atelier from here?”
You feel a little stupid. She’s probably wondering why you can’t just use your phone, but the streets here are so narrow, there’s no way it’ll be accurate.
Her eyebrow furrowed, “That fancy glass building?”
You lit up in recognition, “Yes! Exactly that!”
“Um. I’m sorry, I don’t know. But Jae will know. His girlfriend goes there. I can call him if you want, he’s the back”
“Oh” You nodded, “That’ll be really helpful, thank you so much”
She looked around, “Are you gonna buy anything?”
You nodded, smiling at her, before she walked into the back.
Well, she was nice.
You tucked your hands into your jacket pockets, and looked around.
You haven’t been to this part of town before. Well, you’ve only been here a few days but you must have got yourself really, really lost to end up in such a random place.
You waited for the girl to come back, and you watched the people around you.
You envy their sense of comfort, and familiarity.
There’s a couple, still in school uniforms, and they’re picking out candy.
There’s quite a few people in the store, baskets full of snacks, and iced coffee, and maybe you can grab one too, after you reorient yourself.
The shelf is front of you is so overstimulating, and there’s so many different types of candy.
That’s another one of your favourite things here.
Brands you’ve never heard of or seen before. Imported sweets, from all across the world, and everything is expensive, but you don’t care right now.
There’s a huge box of purple candies.
It’s too much, even for you.
But you feel the need to treat yourself.
You reached for it, picking it off the shelf. Your eyes wander up.
There’s a boy.
Your heart skips a beat, and you think it almost stopped.
You’re dizzy.
The most beautiful boy in the world… stands on the other side of the shelf.
You’d recognise that stance anywhere.
He’s in a dark trench coat and a cap is pulled over his head, and getting lost has easily been the absolute best mistake of your life. It’s the craziest coincidence in the world, and maybe now you really don’t believe in coincidences anymore.
You believe in destiny, and he has to be yours.
There’s no other explanation, no rhyme or reason for why else he would be here, right now, right here, at the same time as you.
He hasn’t seen you yet, and you relish in those few seconds of pure observation.
He looks exactly the same, as he browses through the aisle of cereals.
Your heart burned, and it yearned, and you couldn’t wait anymore.
You couldn’t stop yourself, even if you wanted to.
“Hyunjin?” You blurted, the excitement unable to be held back.
His head shot up to yours.
The blue box of cereal in his hand dropped to the floor.
And it really was him.
It actually was him.
There were no coincidences.
He looked so gorgeous, and you can already feel his distinct scent. Your lips curved up into a smile, and your heart was beating out of its chest.
He was staring at you, eyes wide, lips parted.
His hair had gotten even longer, and it peeked out from under his cap.
“Hyunjin I—”
A woman stepped between you, picking up what he’d just dropped.
“Is this the one you were looking for?” She handed it to him.
Hyunjin tore his gaze away from you and nodded at her.
She looked at you, wondering what had his attention.
Your words were stuck in your throat, and your heart was squeezing in your chest, you thought you might collapse.
Who was that?
“Is there anything else you need?” She asked him.
He shook his head, gaze to the floor, “No. I’m good”
His voice. You’d missed it insanely.
“Perfect. The cash counter’s in the back though” She walked past you, and she’s not your problem anymore because he’s here. He’s actually here, in front of you, in the most random shop in all of Seoul.
Hyunjin stepped out from the aisle.
You’re standing in his way, “Hey—”
“Excuse me” He mumbled, his shoulder bumped against yours and he walked right past you.
What the fuck?
He didn’t even look at you.
Someone tapped on your shoulder, and it was the girl with the chewing gum.
Your eyes were still on him though, confused, and a fear began to settle in your stomach. He was standing at the cash counter, and his was head was ducked low, as the woman placed all of their shopping out of the cart.
For a second, you wonder if you’re mistaken and if that’s someone else, but you know it’s him, but that doesn’t make any sense.
The girl employee spoke cheerfully, introducing a boy at her side, “This is Jae! He can tell you the way to the Art Atelier”
At those words, Hyunjin finally looked back, over his shoulder, at you.
His gaze met yours.
It definitely was him.
You were about to say something, but the words never made it past your lips, because he immediately looked away from you.
It was as if he had never known you.
Like you were a stranger.
The city of Seoul had never felt so quiet, as right now.
»»————-
⇐ masterlist ⇒
please let me know if you liked the chapter, or any thoughts on this part! thank you <3
if you’d like to support me and my writing, you can buy me a coffee here! thank you so much.
#hyunjin x reader#hyunjin imagines#star lost with you#hyunjin x yn#hyunjin smut#angst#fluff#friends to lovers#series#skz x reader#skz smut#hwang hyunjin x reader#hwang hyunjin smut
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Hey! Fun question, how do you think an in-canon kabumisu confession would go? People keep portraying mithrun as blunt and straightforward about their relationship, but would he be scared to tell kabru in the chance that he'd say no and leave? Is the desire to just be in a relationship with kabru, or is the desire of not wanting to scare him off greater than that? I'm so starved on the lack of post-canon kabumisu content, they make me go crazy
As usual, I'll try not to go into TOO much detail because then I won't be motivated to write fic about it... and I AM planning to write a post-canon Kabumisu fic anon, so don't worry. I'll get there eventually :3
They make me go crazy too 😔
I think Mithrun's a complicated guy with complicated emotions. Even when he was "empty" in the dungeon he actually showed a lot of feelings - smug satisfaction, annoyance, anger, even a little bit of subtle happiness.
So while I DO think he will still be blunt in general, I also think it's a mistake to assume that means he doesn't feel things and won't have anxieties and insecurities just like any other person.
Mithrun used to be WILDLY insecure, and jealous, and paranoid. He just stopped caring about anything, but if, like the end of the manga suggests, he is going to try to START caring again, he will then start to have feelings, too.
I think Mithrun is intensely aware of his own "undesirability", that's one of the reasons he's BEEN so depressed. Most of his self-worth before the dungeon hinged on being "better" than his brother, and better than other people. Then he looses that (or maybe he was never actually better at all!), so what does he have left?
And now his youth is gone too, he's middle-aged and lost his "best years" to depression. He's disabled, he's scarred, he's a bastard that nobody wants.
It's a pretty huge fall from "most eligible bachelor in the empire"!
So I think no, he won't just bluntly tell Kabru that he likes him. It will take Mithrun awhile to realize how he feels, and once he does, he'll be afraid to reach out, so he's going to do what I call "playing silly little elf games". He's going to try and flirt via writing letters and sending gifts, to hint that he likes Kabru.
Luckily for Mithrun, Kabru also knows how to play Silly Little Elf Games (he's an Olympic champion), so he picks up the signals and starts reciprocating, though he's also uncertain and worried that he's misunderstanding. Captain Mithrun couldn't be flirting with him, could he? But... what if he is?
(I will go into Kabru's feelings at a later date anon i promise.)
I think the thing that will ultimately push Mithrun to act is the fear that he'll miss his chance. Mithrun realizes Kabru is a limited time deal that he can only enjoy for the next 60-something years, and he wants every minute of that time for himself, no matter how much it will someday hurt to lose Kabru.
And he also knows that Kabru is very handsome and charming, and he can't expect Kabru to wait for Mithrun to get himself figured out. Someone else will swoop in and snatch that man up, so Mithrun has to hurry.
ALL OF THAT SAID... I think their confession is a lot less of a confession, and much more "we have both been picking up these signals of interest for months/years, and finally one of us pushes it a little bit further than we've ever pushed it before and we acknowledge the unspoken thing that has been growing between us."
Maybe it's a hand resting on someone's leg, or a gentle touch on the arm. Maybe it's leaning in so their shoulders touch. Maybe it's looking into each other's eyes a little bit longer than normal.
Probably it involves both of them admitting "Spending time with you makes me happier than anything else in the world. Whenever we're apart all I think about is when I'm going to see you again. I spend hours composing letters to you in my mind. I want us to spend our days together, no matter what shape that takes."
It's very vulnerable and scary for both of them, and I think they're both DEEPLY relieved after they finally get it out, and they don't get rejected. They know each other so well, and they're so good at reading people - they both thought that the other might feel the same way, but it's so scary to take that leap of faith and hope that they're right.
And just for the record, I think that Kabru worries about if Mithrun will be interested in sex or not, because sex is something that matters to Kabru, but what if Mithrun just doesn't have any desire for it?
And so before they get into a relationship Kabru has a long hard think about it, and decides that even if they never have sex, he wants to be in a romantic relationship with Mithrun anyway, because just being around him makes him feel happy, and understood, and like he isn't alone anymore. There's someone who sees him as he is, all the good and the bad, and says "I love you anyway."
And Kabru decides that he's willing to just jerk off for the rest of his life if that's the price of this relationship that he wants.
Luckily for Kabru, I think Mithrun does want to have sex with him, but I like to think that Kabru thinks through all the possibilities and decides that no matter what they end up doing together, being with Mithrun is worth it.
#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#dunmeshi#kabru#mithrun#kabumisu#my stuff#kabrun#analysis#headcanon
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Nightmare of a Roommate
Requested: Nope
Pairings: Jake Seresin x Reader
Word count: 3k
Summary: When you are forced to share an apartment with the notorious Bagman, life seems to be harder than it should be. But what difference does a few weeks together make?
Warnings: mild swearing, mentions of death, the usual fluff
A/N: Two posts in one week?! I had this idea come to me today and knew I needed to get it out! I love to hear all your thoughts and comments! As always, my inbox is open to you!
Part 2
Top Gun was currently redoing their dorms which meant the group of aviators who were called back were placed in apartments close to the base. Normally it wouldn’t have been a huge deal, but the number of vacant units caused a slight issue. Everyone had to pair up. The higher ups figured the best way to do it was for everyone to draw a number that way no one can complain about how it was done. Or at least not blame them for who their roommate would be for the next few weeks.
You each took a turn drawing a paper out of the hat and you pulled out the number 4. You smiled to yourself because that number had been your lucky number for as long as you could remember.
That was until a southern voice called out, “Which lucky person got the other number 4?”
You cringed at the question and Natasha looked over your shoulder in curiosity. “Oh god. Hey Bagman, what kind of flowers do you want at your funeral?”
You smirked at the question and his answer almost made you laugh. “Is that the kind of question you ask guys? No wonder you’re still single.”
Her laugh told you she found the whole situation entertaining. “Might want to get your affairs in order. I don’t see you lasting more than a week with Y/N.”
His head whipped over to you and a slow smirk appeared on his face much to your annoyance.
“Wipe that look off your face before I do it for you.” He chuckled and held up his hands in mock surrender.
“I’ll make sure to keep my door locked at night.” He gave you a wink and turned back to Coyote.
You couldn’t help but shake your head at what just happened. Of all the people here, you just had to be paired up with the teenager on steroids.
Natasha came and put an arm around your shoulder. “If it gets too bad, we can set up something in my room.”
You gave her a weak smile, “Thanks, but I think I can manage a few weeks with him. If something changes, like needing help to bury a body, you’ll be my first call.”
She snorted in response, “I already know a good spot to hide him.”
A voice behind you both made you jump. “The two of you are scary.” Bradley had a concerned look on his face, but Natasha waved him off. “Don’t get on our bad side, Bradshaw and you’ll be fine.”
Day one and you already wanted to strangle the man. You knew everyone had their own quirks when it came to their routine, but his were borderline insufferable.
It started out with only having one bathroom. If the Navy taught you anything, it was how to be quick about your personal time. Your showers were under five minutes, and you were courteous enough to do your hair in your room. The only issue was, you forgot to brush your teeth while you were in the bathroom. Something you planned on quickly doing when the blonde was done with his shower.
A few minutes of waiting turned into nearly half an hour, and you had to leave for base if you didn’t want to be late. What the hell he was doing in there you had no idea, but you couldn’t wait any longer. You mumbled “asshole” and walked out of the apartment to your car, making a mental note to move your toothbrush later.
The group of you were ushered into the hanger, getting ready to listen to the plan for the day. A tap on your shoulder had you turning around to see your roommate from hell holing out some gum.
“Thought you might need it.” You narrowed your eyes at him and shook your head.
“I knew it took a lot of hair product for your hair to be the way it is, but thirty minutes to get ready seems like a waste of time. Clearly it didn’t do you any favors.” You turned back around before you could see his reaction, but the muffled laughs around you had you smirking.
End of week one and the two of you were getting into a small routine, being able to work around each other. He realized very quickly not to talk to you first thing in the morning. Getting a breakfast burrito thrown at him was not something he wanted to make a regular occurrence, so he kept his distance until you had a cup of coffee in you.
That morning though, he came in from a run just as you were waking up. Seeing the sand come off his shoes into the kitchen had you taking deep breaths to keep your cool. You had to admit, seeing him shirtless was a sight to be had, but it still wasn’t good enough to mask his intolerable personality.
“I don’t understand why you have to go for a run every morning.” Not only did it bring in the sand, but the smell of sweat wasn’t also something you particularly enjoyed.
“I’m flattered that you think these good looks are all natural, but sadly I do have to work out.” It took your brain a few seconds to process what he had said, and you opened your mouth to try and come up with what you meant.
“That’s not-no. I meant-you know what, whatever.” His laugh was what you heard as you retreated to the bathroom, and you knew the best way to get back at him. You took your five-minute shower and then kept the hot water running full blast as you finished getting ready in the bathroom. Twenty minutes later, you walked out ready for the day and gave Hangman a smile as you passed him in the kitchen. He gave you a questioning look, but eventually went to go take his shower.
You were about to walk out to your car when you heard a shout, “God dammit!” A smile was plastered on your face for the rest of the day.
Hangman stopped you in the hall at Top Gun and asked why you used all the hot water. “You seemed to get all hot and bothered talking about yourself this morning that I figured you needed a cold shower to calm down.” He stood there looking like he was pissed off with what you said, but the stupid smirk appeared. “Good thing I love a cold shower. It’s better for my hair.” And walked off.
Things changed in week two. Training had gotten intense and the stress of everything was starting to show with everyone. Coyote ended up in G-LOC and Natasha and Bob had to eject after a bird strike. Things like that had old memories surfacing and you could only hide so much. Your teammates had no idea you were struggling to keep it together, but Hangman saw right through your act. He just didn’t know how to approach the subject without pissing you off.
It was three in the morning and a nightmare had woken you up. Knowing that if you closed your eyes, it would just replay again. So, you made the decision to get up and watch tv. You kept the volume down low to not wake up your roommate, but you didn’t know he woke up during your nightmare.
With thin walls, Hangman could hear everything that went on in your room. He knew when you finally went to sleep at night or when you decided a light workout at midnight was a great idea. But this night, he heard a pained whimper and the constant tossing and turning coming from your bed. It didn’t take long after for the footsteps to follow and the opening and closing of your door. What surprised him though, was the tv turning on in the living room at three in the morning.
He knew you had problems getting to sleep or staying asleep. But most of the time you at least attempted to get a few hours in before getting up. Tonight, was a red flag for him and he knew he couldn’t stay silent anymore. No matter how much you hated him, he couldn’t let you keep going the way you were. Eventually the lack of sleep is going to catch up and he knew it would be while you were in the air.
Your ears perked up when you heard a door open. A few seconds later, Hangman came walking into the living room and sat on the couch across from you. This was the first time either of you interacted with each other this late at night and you could feel the uneasiness coming off of him. A glance over to him showed he was lost in thought, looking at the ground in front of him.
“What are you doing up?” His eyes lifted towards you at the question, and you waited for him to answer.
“I could ask you the same thing. Last I checked, there was nothing good on at 3 in the morning.” Your eyes squinted at his response, and you tried to figure out his play.
“I don’t see why my sleeping habits are of concern to you.” Your answer seemed to deflate him a bit. Almost like he was disappointed in what you said. But again, you didn’t understand why.
“Look, Y/N. I know you haven’t been sleeping and recently you haven’t been yourself. The others don’t see it because you do a pretty damn good job of putting on an act, but I do. Is it something I’ve done? Because if that’s the case, I’ll go bunk with someone else. I don’t need you getting hurt out there because me.”
His words hit you harder than you wanted to admit. You tried to figure out how he came to that conclusion and thought back to this last week. You were closed off, the jokes you made towards him had all but vanished, and you mainly kept to your room. But it wasn’t because of him. It was easier to hide away than explain to someone what was going on.
“It’s not that. Work has been stressful, and I have my own way of dealing with it.” It wasn’t a lie, but it was a very watered-down version of the truth.
“And the nightmares?” You winced at that question. Here you thought you had been doing a good job of hiding things, but the blonde in front of you was too observant for his own good.
“Why does it matter? In a week we won’t be roommates anymore and everything will go back to the way it was.” In a last-ditch attempt of avoiding the real issue, pushing him away seemed like the best option. Until he said what he did.
“Because I know what it’s like to be a prisoner in your own head. To feel like the world around you is moving too fast for you to keep up. And while I may not be your biggest fan, I wouldn’t wish that kind of internal struggle on anyone.” You watched as he ran a hand through his hair, clearly struggling to find the right words. The ever so cocky pilot wasn’t here tonight, and you found yourself struggling to keep your composure. It was easier to put up a front when he was the worst version of himself. But this was different.
“How about tonight we pretend like we don’t have a million differences with each other. You can say anything, and I won’t judge or even bring it up in the morning. But something is wrong, and you need to talk about it. And what better person to do it with than someone who doesn’t know you that well?”
He was right. If you confided in one of your close friends, like Natasha, you knew it was something she would remember for a long time. While she may not judge, the pity looks were just as bad. Hangman was a near stranger when it came to personal information. The two of you only knew each other on a surface level, never trying to push boundaries.
“Last year there was an accident. A friend and I were on a routine flight when a bird strike hit. Both of our planes caught fire and I ejected without a problem. Her lever was stuck, and she ended up crashing her plane into a mountain. This last week just opened old wounds and it’s like my mind is stuck in the past. I’m either too worked up to fall asleep or a nightmare wakes me up. Every time I close my eyes, that day keeps playing on a loop and I guess I just thought it would eventually stop.”
You knew the memory would never quite leave you alone, but you hoped things would at least get easier. But seeing Natasha’s plane crash was too close to the original memory.
“Can I make a suggestion and you not get mad?” It was a loaded question, but your desperation for some sort of help pushed you to nod your head.
“Sometimes having someone near you when you go to sleep can help. It’s almost like a sense of safety that you can sleep, and the other person will have your back. I’d rather you be pissed off next to me while you get a few hours of sleep than have to stand next to your casket because you couldn’t think clearly in the sky.”
His words were brutally honest, and you couldn’t tell if you were thankful or not for it. To have someone not tip toe around your feelings was almost refreshing, but why did it have to be Jake Seresin of all people?
The last two weeks have been nothing but a challenge living together. You were two very different people forced to coexist and now he was talking about you sleeping in his bed. The boundaries you had made very early on were about to be crossed and that’s what you were struggling the most with.
“It will change things.” Was your response to his suggestion. But a quick shake of his head and you knew it was a weak argument.
“Nothing changes. You need a source of safety and I’m willing to provide it. I know you may not think I’m a team player, but when it really counts, I’ll have your back no matter what.” You searched him for any signs of misleading, but the only thing you saw was a genuine concern.
“Okay. But only for tonight.” He gave you a small smile, one you had never seen before. The smirk you had come to hate was nowhere to be seen and you were starting to wonder how much of a front he puts up. Because then man that was currently offering his bed to help you sleep, was not the man you thought existed.
You awkwardly crawled into his bed and turned with your back to him, facing the wall. You felt the bed dip, and the warmth behind you told you he wasn’t far. To your surprise, his hands stayed to himself, and he was a respectable distance from you. But the sound of his even breaths mixed in with the smell of him had you slowly drifting off to sleep.
A few days had passed, and Jake was honoring what he had said that night. Nothing was ever brought up and the two of you went back to how things were. But things seemed easier now. The dancing around each other in the morning was seamless and you found his presence to be comforting rather than an annoyance. Things moved forward and for once you felt like you were keeping up.
That night came at you like a fright train. You had gone the last few nights without a nightmare and only a few wakeups. But the hope of moving forward was quickly crushed when you woke up out of breath and tears streaming down your face.
It almost scared you how much you didn’t think about what you did next. You walked out of your room and knocked on the bedroom door next to yours. Jake answered the door in sweatpants and his hair in a million different direction. Clearly, he had just been woken up. But he very quickly was on alert as he took in your tear stained face and shaking hands.
“I-I’m sorry. I woke up and just came here. I didn’t mean to wake you. I-“ He cut you as he wiped a few tears away.
“Come here, sweetheart.” He wrapped his arms around you and pulled you into his chest. One hand was rubbing the back of your head and you started to sob against him. All the hurt and pain you had been keeping in, finally escaped. You both stood like that for a few minutes, him letting you calm down some before he let go.
“Stay in here tonight. I won’t let anything happen to you.” He wiped the tears away and gently grabbed your hand, leading you over to his bed. This time was different. This time you weren’t the levelheaded pilot who knew to keep walls up around others. No, this time you were a broken girl desperate for comfort. Which is why you curled yourself up next to him, allowing him to wrap an arm around you to pull you closer.
“Get some sleep. I’m not going anywhere.” He kissed the top of your head and lazily drew circles on your back.
A few weeks ago, you hated the fact you were stuck with him for the next few weeks. But now, you had no idea how you were going to let him go.
A/N: Thank you so so much for reading!!! I hope you enjoyed this as much as I did writing it!
#jake seresin x reader#hangman x reader#jake hangman x reader#jake seresin x you#jake hangman seresin#topgun maverick#top gun#hangman top gun#chelsea writes
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Camp Hawkins AU
Pairing: Steve Harrington x plus sized reader
Warnings: Use of Y/N. This is my first time writing a plus size reader oneshot. As a plus sized person myself, I wanted to try it. I'm a little nervous tho. I know some people don't like it when ppl write insecure plus sized reader stories. I just feel like when I write, I put my emotions and my insecurities into the character as a way to work through them. I'm working on my confidence and some time I will write x confident!plus size reader oneshots, just not right now. Anyways, I hope you can understand that, and if you don't maybe try another story. Thank you.
P.S. I don't know how tf to flirt.
The story doesn't mention a lot about being plus sized but it is there.
Summary: It's your third year being a camp counselor at Camp Hawkins and your 7th year knowing Steve. Every year your crush seems to grow stronger and stronger.
*Not Proof Read*
ABC List Stranger Things Masterlist
*****
" Bunk 23. " Eddie, one of the head counselors grins while handing me a set of keys.
I groan. " The bunk with the bats? Eds, are you serious. "
Last year a bat nest was found in the corner of one of the old wooden beds. Nobody had checked the cabin before letting campers and counselors inside, resulting in a nasty surprise halfway through the first week.
Eddie shrugs. " Sorry, kid. I don't assign the bunks, I just tell people where to go. " Eddie's eyes shift over my shoulder. " Steve! There ya are, my boy. Long time no see. What's going on? "
I feel my annoyance begin to melt away as the sound of boots makes its way towards us. It's quickly replaced with a flutter type feeling in my stomach, a feeling that's been stuck with me for the past seven years.
I turn to look at the cause of my emotions.
Steve grins at the man behind me. A large leather duffle bag hangs off of his left shoulder. In his right hand, a small rolling suitcase, the same grayish color as his coat, squeaks along. The same two bags he's used since I met him. Steve pulls off his glasses, sending a dazzling smile towards Eddie and I. " Same old, same old, Ed. Hi, Y/N. "
His grin sends waves of happiness flooding through my body. I love the way he says my name.
I do my best to keep my composure. I return the smile, adding in a small wave as well. " Hey, Steve. "
" So what's this I hear about you and Nancy? A little birdy tells me you're back together again. " Eddie asks, leaning against the desk in front of him.
Nancy and Steve. The always on and off high school sweethearts.
I have no shot with Steve. I mean, he's obviously still head over heels for her if he keeps going back to her. I guess deep down I hope he'll finally see me as someone other than his chubby fellow camp counselor.
Picking up my heavy bags, I excuse myself from the conversation. " Hey, I'll catch you guys later. I'm gonna go check out the cabin, make sure no bats are hanging around. "
" Do you need help with your bags? They look a little heavy. " Steve offers, moving to set his stuff down on the ground.
He's so sweet. He always have been. No wonder I have a huge crush on him.
" No, " I shake my head. " I've got it. It's not to far. " I smile.
" But Bunk 23's on the other side of the-" Eddie begins.
I interrupt him. " I'm probably going to stop at the dining hall and see if Robin's there yet anyways. I'll be okay. " I reassure them.
" Oh, okay. " Steve nods, glancing down at the heaviest duffle bag I have.
I'm definitely regretting packing extra crafts. I just didn't want any of the kids to get bored during free time.
" Cya guys. " I shuffle towards the door. The floor creaks beneath me as I walk out onto the main cabins' porch.
Maybe some day I'll mean more to Steve Harrington.
_____
" He literally offered to help you. Why didn't you take him up on that? " Robin groans in frustration. Strands of hair that slipped out of her hat frame her flour splotched face. Bits of dough and other mysterious stains cover the front of her apron, making it look like a doughy murder scene.
She leans on the serving window counter, her arms cradling her head.
" He was just being nice. I mean, if I saw you carrying heavy bags of flour, I'd offer to help you. It's something everyone does- be nice to the people you know. It doesn't mean they like you. " I argue. I fidget with the lid of my water bottle.
" That's different. "
I narrow my eyes at the woman. " How is that different? "
Robin lets out an annoyed grunt. " You and me, " She points to the two of us. " have no chemistry. You and Steve on the other hand..." She waggles her eyebrows, sending a warm feeling climbing up my face.
I roll my eyes.
" Have a fuck ton of chemistry. Like sometimes I feel like it's choking me. " She makes a pretend choking sound. " Please! Y/N! Steve! Just make out already. Please, for the love of god! Save me! Save humanity from the horrors of watching you two interact while denying your feelings! "
I gently hit her forearm. " Shut up. That's not true, literally shut the fuck up. " I mutter.
Robin laughs. " It's so true. Ask literally anyone that hangs around you guys. Why do you think Nancy and Steve keep breaking up? "
That can't be true. Relationships have issues. There's no way in hell Steve and Nancy keep breaking up because he likes me. That's...insane.
" Your a catch, y/n. You need to start realizing that. People-they have crushes on you too. "
I turn my head to meet Robins gaze.
" You're not the only person in the world who doesn't have someone attracted to them. I mean, if fucking Mike Wheeler can have a girl crushing on him, so can you. "
It's just hard for me to believe someone like Steve, Ex Captain of the Hawkins basketball team, could like someone like me. I'm pretty sure he's only ever seen me as a friend. All these years, transitioning from campers to counselors, he's never made a move on me. In all fairness, I haven't exactly made a move on him either...in my defense, Steve and Nancy are on and off so much, a flickering light bulb has more predictability.
This is all so confusing.
-----
" Welcome campers! " A loud voice booms from on the old cement stage.
Slowly chatter from the excited campers begin to die down.
Jim Hopper, a retired sheriff and the new owner of Camp Hawkins, begins to speak again. " We're so excited to have you here. Each of you have been assigned a bunk and a counselor... " Jim's voice begins to fade from my mind. The same words have been repeated year after year, not that I mind. It's a familiar introductory speech, something I know will never change.
I look behind the older man. The gorgeous quarry shines from the sunlight. Post card worthy.
" You're bunk 23, right? " Steve's voice asks from next to me.
I was so lost in thought I hadn't noticed he took a seat next to me.
I send him a smile. " Yeah, The bat bunk. " I mumble.
Steve grins. " I'm bunk 24. "
" Oh nice, I guess we'll be seeing each other a lot then. Well, " Stupid, the kids do basically everything together. You're going to see him a ton anyways. " More than usual I guess. "
Steve chuckles slightly. A sound that sends waves tumbling through my insides. " I don't mind. You're good company. "
I feel a familiar warmth sprawl across my face. " You're not so bad yourself, Harrington. "
A look of amusement finds its' way onto Steve's face. " Hey, I know you're not a huge fan of bats...or other flying creatures, " He references my first year here as a camper.
I let out a groan at the embarrassing memory. " That was so long ago. The bird literally came out of nowhere. " I vividly remember that morning. It was still dark when Steve and our friends got the bright idea to go check out the quarry. A bird flew out of one of the nearby bushes, nearly smacking into my face.
Steve laughs, his milky brown eyes glinting from the sunlight. " Hey, birds can be terrifying. I'm not judging you. " He holds up his hands in a playful surrender. " I was just saying, if you want, I can come over to your bunk and check it out. Make sure no flying surprises are hidden anywhere. " He offers, leaning forward slightly in his seat.
My heart flutters. God, he's so sweet. " I don't want to inconvenience you, I mean, it's probably fine. I doubt the bats returned. "
" Really, I don't mind. It's not an inconvenience, if anything, I'm doing this for my bunk. I mean, I don't really feel like waking up to a bunch of people screaming at 3 in the morning. "
My eyebrow raises. " Oh? So you're doing this for you then...for your interests. "
Steve tilts his head slightly. " I guess you could say that. "
The campers around us begin to gather up their bags, making their way towards Eddie and Jonathan who have lists of where everyone's supposed to go.
Steve stands up, extending a hand towards me. " So what do you say, Y/N. Do you want Pest Control Steve to come take a look at your bunk? "
I cringe at his stupid name, causing him to laugh.
" Only if you never call yourself that again. " I accept his hand, standing up from the cement row.
Steve's hand firmly holds onto mine for a few seconds longer after we've stood up.
From over his shoulder Robin catches my eye. Her eyes flicker between our hands and back to my eyes. She mouths a silent ' He fucking likes you ', which I ignore.
I release Steve's hand, shoving mine into my pocket.
For a moment, a flicker of confusion? Maybe disappointment flashes across Steve's features. He obviously ignores it, moving to fold his arms across his chest. " Deal. "
I smile at the man. " Deal. "
I look at him for a second longer before I'm quickly swept away by the campers in my bunk.
My mind analyzes our conversation over and over again, completely ignoring whatever Eleven is telling me while we walk back to our bunk.
He couldn't like me. Right?
_______
" I think you guys are clear. " Steve says, poking his head back out from under the last bunk. He glances up at the top of the bunk, making sure there's nothing hidden in the corners.
" Thank you so much, Pest Control Steve, what would I ever do without you? " I cringe slightly at my words, shaking my head. " You know what, never mind. I thought it would be funny but no. "
Steve laughs at my attempt at mockery. " You'd live in uncertainty. " He makes his way towards me, leaning against the open door frame.
Outside the kids are running around playing capture the flag, their yells echoing slightly around the bunk.
" Sure...I'd probably just get Eddie or Jim to look around. You know how much they love me. "
Steve slightly leans towards me. " They wouldn't check as well as I do. I do have a five star rating in customer service. " His voice is soft but teasing.
My eyes flicker down to his lips.
He's so close. Just a few inches away. If I wanted to, I could kiss him.
I do want to...
But I can't.
What if him and Nancy are still dating?
Fuck, I should've stuck around and waited to hear what he had to say about their relationship.
" Y/n! El got another bloody nose! " Dustin's voice suddenly shouts.
My head snaps towards the direction of the boy. His face goes from worried to grinning in a matter of seconds.
" Wait, " He looks between Steve and I.
Without waiting for him to finish, I snatch a roll of paper towels from the desk near the door. I hurry out of the bunk, leaving the two guys behind.
" Oh my god, Dustin... " Steve's voice groans.
" Were you guys about to..." Dustins' voice fades away as I make my ways towards a group of kids. I push past them, kneeling in front of El.
Perfect timing.
-----
The dining hall is bursting with noise. Kids sit together, eagerly talking about their first day back at camp.
I grab a plate and nervously head into the kitchen.
Food. My least favorite part of the day. I don't know if it's just the fear or people watching me eat or the possibility of someone making fun of me for eating too much. I should be used to it by now, I've eating around people for my entire life, but I'm not.
Every meal time still brings unnecessary anxiety.
Robin leans against one of the walls, a iced drink in her left hand. As she raises the glass to take a sip, droplets of condensation run down her arm. " About time you showed up. I basically had to threaten Eddie with a knife for him to back away from your portion of chicken tenders. He does not go down without a fight, I'll tell you that. " She chuckles.
" Thanks. " I begin putting some food onto my plate.
There's a moment of silence. " So. " Robin looks at me expectantly.
" So? " I ask, confused. I lean against the counter across from her. The counter hidden from the view of the dining hall.
Robin rolls her eyes. " Aren't you going to tell me about it? "
" What are you talking about, Robin? "
Robin lets out a sigh of annoyance. " Oh my god, Y/N. The kiss! "
Still lost, I set my food down. " What kiss? "
Finally, Robin blurts it out. " Dustin told me he saw you and Steve making out in your bunk. "
My eyes widen. " What? No. Robin, we weren't making out, that little..." I shake my head. " Steve and I were talking. Just talking. "
Robin raises an eyebrow. " Are you sure, Y/N, I'm your best friend. You can literally tell me anything-you literally have told me basically everything. "
" Robin, I swear. If anything were to happen, you'd be the first to know. Steve and I didn't do anything. "
" Doesn't mean something won't happen in the future though. " Robin smirks.
I roll my eyes. " He has a girlfriend, Robin. I'm not making a move on a taken guy. "
" They'll probably be on break by the end of the month. "
I pick up my plate again. " I don't know. Maybe I shouldn't get myself wrapped up into that. I mean, they'll probably eventually get back together. I don't want to be a rebound or something. "
Robin hops onto the counter, taking a seat in the empty space. " Steve's not like that. "
Yeah, he doesn't seem like the type of guy to do that. But, hey, maybe I don't know him as well as I think I do.
" So Dustin's going around telling everyone? " I say in discomfort. Even if we had kissed, I don't want everyone to know.
Robin shakes her head. Her hair is finally free from her hat. " Fuck no. I was the first person he saw and the first person he told. I told him I'd feed him to everyone for dinner if he says anything to anyone. " She lets out a small laugh. " Scared him shitless. "
I shake my head. " Of course you did, Rob. "
_____
The moon reflects off the quarry beautifully. Finally, there's bit of quiet. All of the campers are huddled together in the dining hall, playing random board games.
Their voices and music fade away as I walk closer to the water. I love being a counselor, but it definitely gets overwhelming at time. I look forward to going down to the Quarry every night, just for a little bit to clear my head.
As I get closer to the waters' edge, hear a twig snap. I snap towards my right side, the direction the sound came from.
A familiar jacket catches my eye.
Hanging over a nearby log, the sleeve of Steve's jacket shines in in the moonlight.
" Fuck, I'm sorry. " I blurt out as soon as I see the pair. On top of the jacket sits Steve. On his lap is Nancy, her arms wrapped around Steve's white t-shirt clad shirt. Nancy's legs are wrapped around his hips, pulling him into her embrace.
The pair pull apart, obviously surprised by my intrusion.
Nancy looks slightly embarrassed. " Oh I'm sorry. We didn't think anyone would be out here this late. " She apologizes, quickly getting off of her boyfriend.
I don't bother to look at Steve, knowing anything I see will send a pang of even more embarrassment and jealousy through my heart.
Don't be jealous.
Don't be jealous.
He doesn't like you. He never will. He's with fucking Nancy. It'd be wrong if he liked you.
Plus, Nancy is so sweet. How could I hurt her by dating Steve?
I turn around quickly, hurrying back down the path towards the dining hall.
Steve will never like someone like me.
#fanfiction#fanfic#steve harrington x reader#steve harrington fic#steve harrington x plus size reader#steve harrington#steve harrington fanfic#steve harrington x you#steve harrington x fem#stranger things x y/n#stranger things#st4#stranger things x reader#stranger things x you#stranger things x yn#plus size reader#x plus size reader#chubby reader#x chubby reader#fat reader#x fat reader#x steve harrington#eddie munson#robin buckley#nancy wheeler#eleven stranger things#mike wheeler#dustin henderson
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Rotten Deal Pt. 2
Modern!Aegon x fem!reader
Summary: When your ex boyfriend cheats on you and spreads a vicious rumor about you, you want to make him suffer. So you make a deal with the man you can’t stand: Aegon, the most infamous fuckboy at KLU.
Chapter Summary: It’s day one of your deal and it starts off with a bang and a mix of emotions.
Warning(s): Cursing, Suggestive Language, Suggestive Situations, Making Out, Mentions of parental neglect
Word Count: 1779 words
It’s been about an hour and a half of sitting in the library teaching Aegon, and it’s already a huge undertaking. He keeps zoning out and goofing off, more interested in goofing off and cracking jokes than actually learning the content.
“You know. You need my help much more than I need yours,” you say in annoyance as you catch a glimpse of Aegon scrolling on his phone hidden beneath the table.
Aegon looks at you with a mild scowl before clicking off his phone and going to put it in his pocket. You grab his phone quickly and pry it from his hands. “Ah ah. I’ll be holding on to this for the remainder of this lesson,” you say before putting the phone aside and out of reach of the silver haired boy.
“C’mon Y/N. It’s really not a big deal. I get what you’re saying. I don’t even know why we need to learn this stuff. They’ve all been dead for thousands of years.”
You roll your eyes, turning your head back to the textbook and notes before you, “It’s important because we can learn from their mistakes. Their society collapsed, it’s important to see what contributed to their rise and subsequent fall.”
“Easy. Something something blood magic bad. Something something slavery also very bad,”
“And…?”
“And what?”
“What else was bad, Aegon?” You ask trying desperately to get him to remember at least one crucial thing from today.
“Experimentation?” He asks, clearly unsure of his answer.
A satisfied smile takes over your face. “That’s right. Unethical animal and human experimentation and torture.”
You look at him for a moment. He’s smiling to himself and you can see there’s a hint of pride in his eyes. “You know,” you begin casually, “I’m surprised you don’t know more about of this stuff. Isn’t your dad, like, obsessed with old Valyria?”
Aegon deflates. “Uh…yeah. He is,” he says insecurely, “But old fucker doesn’t know I exist, let alone talk to me about stuff. He’s too busy obsessing over my older sister to pay attention to any of his other kids.” The bitterness and hurt is evident on his face. You’ve seen that same look on his and his siblings' faces before. Dejected and hurt. You remember seeing that look on Helaena’s face when her father didn’t come to her art show in high school. And Aemond’s face when his father wasn’t there to support his win in debate. And even Aegon, back when you two used to be close, searching through the stands hoping his dad was there to cheer him on in softball.
You feel bad. You should’ve known better. But before you can say anything, Aegon is back to his usual confident self, “It doesn’t matter though. I’ve got myself a sexy little teacher to help me learn.”
He leans in close to you, throwing an arm around the back of your chair, “Speaking of. Let’s talk about your half of our little deal.”
“What about it?”
“Come on, sweetheart. You really think anyone is gonna believe we’re fucking when all they see is you annoyed with me in the library?” You sigh and begin to put away the books, you suppose that’s enough studying for day one.
“What do you propose we do?” You ask. Aegon shoots you his confident smile, “People need to see us out together. Talking, flirting, kissing.” You grunt at the last words. “We also need to spend some time together in my room if we want it to be believable.”
You shoot him a glare and he playfully raises his arms in surrender. “I’m not saying we bang it out in there, though I can’t guarantee you won’t want to,” he says flirtingly. You have him with your elbow getting him to back off. “I’m just saying that any girl that I’d be having sex with more than once will be in my room once in a while. You wanna be believable? You gotta do it right.”
You nod. This is what you signed up for after all. “Ok. So where do we start?”
Aegon grins and stands up from his seat, hand outstretched to you. “Well. Today we can start by being seen around campus together. Talking. Flirting. That’ll get the rumors started.”
You accept his hand and ride from your seat slinging your bag over your shoulder and handing his phone back to him.
Aegon smiles as he slips his phone in his pocket and saddles up beside you. He snakes his arm around your waist and pulls you in close, leaning to whisper in your ear, “And make sure you look like you’re enjoying your time with me, beautiful.”
You roll your eyes before flashing him a flirty smile. He’s taken aback. It’s been a long time since he’s seen you smile at him. He likes how you look when you smile, if only you’d do it more around him.
“Let’s go, pretty lady. We have heads to turn.” You both make your way out of the library, and you’re all too aware of just how close Aegon is to you. His arm is gripping your waist tightly, his side pressed against yours, his face not too far from yours. You feel your chest squeeze, but you ignore the feeling.
As you walk together, you realize just what a presence Aegon really is on KLU’s campus. People are watching the two of you from everywhere. Many of them look on in confusion at the unequal match you and Aegon are.
Aegon feels you tense in discomfort and lightly squeezes you in reassurance. You look up at him with worry, and he smiles at you in return. “Relax. Just ignore them. Besides, you should be proud to be on my arm.”
You want to shove him or groan out at his cockiness, but you remember that this is part of the show, so you smile at him and giggle lightly.
You ease into his touch and try to act like you're comfortable with this. Like you’re not two people who avoid each other. Like you’re not two former friends who stopped being close. Like this isn’t awkward and scary and uncomfortable for you. And definitely not like your heart feels like it’ll thump right through your chest. ‘You hate him,’ you tell yourself, ‘Right?’
Aegon is completely contrary to you. He feels perfectly content in this moment, enjoying all the attention the two of you are getting.
“You know, love. I’ve been meaning to ask-,” he begins to say but he’s cut off when he hears you gasp and you stop in your tracks. He looks at you in worry, but follows your wide eyed gaze to the building ahead. And there he is. The golden haired bastard, Jason Lannister.
Jason looks at the two of you incredulously. His gaze is inspecting you both. Aegon smirks to himself before pulling you away towards the side of the building ahead of you. What better time to show off than now?
He spins you around so your back is against the wall and slides the bag off your shoulder to fall to the ground. Aegon leans over you against the wall, slightly caging you. You look at him with wide eyes and he smirks down at you. He leans down to whisper in your ear briefly. “Stop me if I go to far,” he says.
Before you can say anything, Aegon cups your cheek and leans in to kiss you. It’s gentler than you thought he would be, lips soft and plush against yours. You kiss him back trying to remind yourself that this is part of the deal. It’s all a show, and this means nothing. Nothing.
Things soon change when Aegon feels you kiss him back. His hands slides down from your cheek and begins running against your torso and brushing his hand against your chest. You gasp and Aegon pulls away for a second to let out a breathy laugh and smile. “Sorry,” he murmurs unconvincingly before leaning back in to kiss you.
This time his mouth is open testing to see if you’ll match his motions, and you do opening your mouth for each kiss. It’s inviting and Aegon tries to hold back his smirk and he slides his tongue into your mouth.
His arm settles on your hip and pulls you flush against him, continuing to kiss you and explore your mouth with his tongue. It feels so good. Gods be damned if he doesn’t know how to kiss with all the practice.
You’re putty in his hands. Completely melted into him. He pulls away and admired the way you search for him with closed eyes. He raises his hand again to push your hair back from the left side of your neck beginning to leave open mouthed kisses along it. He nips at the soft flesh and you let out a soft almost inaudible whine.
You can’t help but enjoy the feeling of the passionate kisses littering your neck, even if it’s Aegon doing it. Seven hells, maybe that’s why you like it. Not that you’d like to admit that to yourself.
Aegon is enjoying it too. He like seeing you drop your icy exterior, and even more so, he enjoys watching your blissed out face. And then his eyes drift to the side of you two.
Jason Lannister is watching your show with a grimace. Aegon can see how he’s seething at the display. He smirks at Jason and shoot him a wink before giving you one more passionate kiss. It’s messy and his tongue is brushing against yours and his hands are romancing all over you. And then it’s over.
Aegon pulls back with a satisfied look and you gaze at him in shock. Your heart is beating hard and though you’ve just been kissed, your mouth feels dry. You’re breathing hard as you search through your emotions, not understanding any of the complexities of your feelings.
Aegon seems to be completely at peace though. Smirking at you before grabbing your bag and pulling you off the wall. He leads you away from where Jason is standing.
“Not bad, hot stuff. You’ll be getting Jason jealous in no time,” he says with a laugh before slugging his arm over your shoulders.
He’s acting normally. Like he doesn’t care about what happened. Like he didn’t just kiss you passionately in front of so many people. ‘It’s all an act,’ you remind yourself, ‘This is just part of the deal.’
You try to shake away the thoughts and the sinking feeling in your chest. This is what you asked for. This is what you asked him to do. And it doesn’t matter anyways. You don’t like Aegon. You can’t stand him.
Right?
Part 1
Tag List: @fan-goddess @serving-targaryen-realness @gibbsgirl7 @f4ll-for-you @mybeautifuldelirium @introverbatim @mysingularitybts @shroomietrip
#aegon ii targaryen x reader#aegon ii targaryen x you#aegon targaryen x reader#aegon targaryen x you#aegon ii x reader#aegon ii x you#aegon x reader#aegon x you#aegon ii fic#aegon ii targaryen#house of the dragon#hotd fic#modern au#rotten deal fic
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Arranged marriage idea!
Dream’s parents force him to marry Hob, an eligible omega whose family has money, which the endless family needs. Dream hugely resents it.
But hob is in love with Dream. He was actually happy to be marrying him. He admired Dream and thought he was so smart and beautiful and respectful—before the wedding hob is giddy with joy. Until he walks down to the altar and sees Dream, clearly displeased, his scent sour with annoyance.
And hob realizes the moment he says his vows that he is now effectively in a loveless marriage.
Their wedding night is…awful. Dream is impersonal and barely does the minimum to ensure hob enjoys himself and doesn’t meet his eye even once.
After, he tells hob that as soon as hob has given him an heir, hob is free to take a lover.
Hob doesn’t say anything but he does his best to not let dream see that he’s heartbroken. Dream doesn’t even stay the night. He goes back to his own quarters and leaves hob alone.
But this is hob. So he mourns for a while and then he decides to move on with life. Marrying dream catapulted him high in society and just because his husband doesn’t want him doesn’t mean he is worthless.
So hob starts attending events and throwing them himself. He starts making friends. He opens up Dream’s dreary house and redecorates and brings his sense of life and determination to everything he does.
Soon he’s kind of a darling of their society. He’s earned himself plenty of friends and tons of admirers.
Dream is…surprised to say the least. People compliment him all the time on hob and tell him how lucky he must feel. Meanwhile they only really see each other during hob’s heat or Dream’s rut or when Dream accompanies him to a party. Dream never dances with him.
They make stilted conversation. Or hob does. But he gets nothing from dream.
However dream is starting to admire hob.
By the time the twins, robin and Orpheus, are born, things are coming full circle. Hob has decided to stop waiting on his husband and he find a lover.
And Dream has become rather smitten with his husband. Maybe it’s watching him care for their sons, maybe it was the way hob held onto him when he first started contractions, maybe Dream always had the potential to feel this way. But years too late, he’s finally ready to court his omega.
I loooove this concept, and I also love that we definitely all have the same braincell because I know for a fact that @seiya-starsniper has a wip which follows a similar storyline - but with the secondary genders flipped! It's something I'm very excited about (while also putting no pressure on you seiya alsksjdhd <333). Anyway, I'm gonna talk a lil bit about this because I do love a good arranged marriage trope.
I just live for the idea of Dream courting the man hes been married to for years at this point. He realises that he doesn't know enough about Hob, so he start learning. His favourite foods, his habits, little treats that he indulges in, the bath salts that he likes best. Dream learns it all, and starts using his new knowledge. He sends Hob flowers. He buys him new outfits. He spends time with the boys so Hob can rest. He actually listens and responds when Hob nervously tries to engage him in conversation.
Meanwhile Hob is just so confused and lost as to why his husband is finally interacting with him. What changed? Did he realise that Hob was starting to look elsewhere and decided that he wanted Hob for himself after all? It's kind of frustrating. But because the boys like having both mama and papa around together, Hob makes an effort to respond to Dream. They take daytrips. They hold hands on the street. Dream asks him to dance at the first big garden party of the summer, and Hob accepts (after he's picked his jaw up off the floor).
So they're both in love with each other, but neither of them knows what to say or do to take the next step. It's easier during heats and ruts when they're not thinking so much, but the rest of the time they're both scared of shattering the uneasy happiness they've built. Especially Dream, who still feels guilty. He knows that Hob isn't totally done with being angry with him...
Then Hob gets pregnant again, which was unplanned for... and with hormones rolling around his body, Hob finally can't hold back anymore! He ends up standing with his hands on his hips, the picture of the perfect pregnant omega, scolding his alpha while Dream literally grovels on his knees. As he should!
The happy accident baby finally brings them together, and Robin and Orpheus are thrilled with the new addition to the family. Dream finally takes Hob on the long awaited honeymoon that they never had the first time around - and he never takes his omega for granted, ever again.
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