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etherealising · 10 months

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chapter six | didn’t i do it for you?

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pairing: carmen berzatto x fem!reader | platonic!richie jerimovich x fem!reader | platonic!natalie berzatto x fem!reader | platonic!neil fak x fem!reader

summary: carmy knows exactly what he wants regarding you, but past mistakes always come to rear their ugly heads

wc: 10.9k

a/n: hi lovies, this chapter may be a bit heavier than previous ones so please take the warnings extra seriously. if you are triggered by any warning please do not read this chapter i’ll literally message you a summary of the chapter if you need it. i may have missed some warnings so if that’s the case i do apologize it was not intentional. lastly please remember YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR OWN MEDIA COSUMPTION….enjoy 🩵

“You know, I-I don’t think my family meant to ruin it or anything like that, you know.”

Carmy was trying to be better, to be more open. And it was easiest at these Al-Anon meetings, no one knew him, and no one had any expectations of him.

“I-I don’t think they did it on purpose,” his hand subconsciously raised to the chain securely tucked under his crew neck, rubbing the metal through the fabric.

“I don-it’s not fair to blame them for everything,” a sardonic huff of laughter escaped Carmy as he thought of the words he was going to say. “I uh…I had a friend once…a best friend.”

“She was the first thing in life that I felt belonged to me,” Carmy frowned, having trouble articulating what he wanted to say. “And not li- I didn’t own her or anything, but she was my friend because she chose to be, not because she knew me through Mikey.”

“And then I…I fucked that relationship up myself…uhh and as I sat there trying to think of what provided amusement or joy in my life…I just thought of my childhood spent with her…by my side.” He cleared his throat forcing himself to remember that he would probably never interact with any of these people outside of these meetings.

Carmy’s hand dropped from its place where his covered chain sat, now gripping the armchair. “She’s uh she’s back in my life now and I…I want those things with her again I…I want to fix things with her, be the person she believes I am.”

Sydney’s curiosity the other day gave Carmy a lot to think about. He was so accustomed to looking at the picture above his stove daily, that he hadn’t even given it a second thought when he invited Sydney over. Her curiosity was understandable, the interactions you and Carmy shared hadn’t been the warmest but that Polaroid would suggest otherwise.

“Yeah. Anyway, I’m happy to be here.” Carmy sat straighter in his chair, if he could admit his wants albeit vaguely to a room of strangers, he could admit his feelings to you. “Thank you, guys. Thanks for letting me share.”

Then he saw you at the grocery store, comfortable in someone else’s arms. He wasn’t jealous, or at least he didn’t think he was. But reality slapped him in the face, so sure of himself that the two of you could pick up where you left off he didn’t stop to think that maybe you didn’t want that anymore.

And then like the idiot he was, he gave Claire your number. He wanted to believe it wasn’t on purpose, that he had memorized your number so well it was the first he thought of when asked.

Carmy left the meeting hoping Claire didn’t call the number he gave her, hoping that you would be open to rekindling whatever relationship was left between you two.

Your morning was off to a great start. Hayden surprised you with breakfast at the office and signed off on your article for The Bear as long as it didn’t get in the way of your work at The Tribune. The two of you even brainstormed the best way to go about telling the story.

Since your late-night grocery run with Hayden, the two of you had fallen back into the friendship you developed all those years ago. It felt good to be reconnected with him, and thankfully things weren’t awkward considering your past sexual history.

Neither of you admitted to it, but you both knew the opportunity to fall back into your old ways would soon present itself, you weren’t sure if it was an option you would take advantage of though. The two of you weren’t in college anymore and as pathetic as it sounded since your vulnerable conversation with Carmy the other day, your heart still held out hope that the two of you could build up the foundation for a romantic relationship.

Rounding the corner of Orleans Street you finally made it to your destination, happy to have taken in the fresh air mid-morning had to offer. You approached the door to the restaurant hoping someone would hear your knock and let you in.

You smiled as Sydney opened the door moving back to allow you in, you reached up to slide your headphones off as you greeted both her and Carmy.

“Good morning, is Nat in?” The text you received on the train ride over from the oldest Berzatto was pushed to the back of your mind until now.

The urgent ‘we need to talk,’ text had worried you at first, but you had rationalized that Nat could’ve been referring to anything.

“Uh yeah, she’s in the office.” You nodded at Syd giving her a small smile in thanks before turning to make your way to the back.

“Oh hey, do you like have a second or…” You stopped in your tracks turning back to face the two chefs looking between them curiously before nodding once more.

You smiled waiting for one of them to speak, “Uh yeah can we make this quick though I need to speak with Nat.” You did your best to sound nonchalant, the longer you stood out here the more your anxiety began to rise, mind racing with what Nat needed to speak with you about.

“Yeah yeah of course,” Sydney stepped away from the door moving near Carmy who had remained silent since your entrance. “We were thinking of sending Marcus to Copenhagen and I know you stayed there, not like in a weird way but because I read your articles you know.”

You nodded your head eyebrows raised as a signal for Sydney to continue. You did your best to ignore Carmy’s stare while Syd rambled on about their idea and how the trip would help to inspire Marcus.

“…So we were wondering if you had any suggestions?” Her raised eyebrows stared back at you.

“Sorry suggestions for what?” The confusion was easily readable on your face, Syd’s excitement at the prospect overwhelmed you.

You watched as the two chefs stared at you, Carmy’s signature blank stare and Syd’s slightly hurt reaction that you weren’t paying attention.

“Oh uh for accommodations…in Copenhagen.”

The question surprised you, eyes darting to Carmy before focusing back on Sydney. You knew Carmen spent time in Copenhagen, so the fact that they were asking you for suggestions seemed a bit redundant.

Albeit stunned by the questions you smiled moving towards where the two of them were sitting, memories of your month spent in Copenhagen playing in your mind like a movie. The trip was months before Mikey’s passing and now as you think about it, it felt like that was the last time you had fun, and lived life without the worry that so often filled you now.

A chuckle left your lips as you leaned against the counter looking from Syd to Carmy, “I uh I stayed with the chef I was profiling.” You bit your lip trying to contain the grin threatening to split your lips, “I still have his number I could call him if you want. He kind of owes me a favor anyway.”

Carmy’s arms fashioned themselves across his chest, a frown pulling at his eyebrows. There was so much he didn’t know about you including the fact that you had spent time in Europe with some mystery chef.

“Oh yeah? What uh-who was the chef you wrote about? Maybe I know him.” Carmy’s words surprised you, the look you exchanged with Sydney proved that he didn't come across as casual as he was trying to.

You raised from your position against the counter, “Chef Luca?” Your voice trailed off a bit before the smile you were trying to contain finally made its appearance, “He’s this amazing pastry chef, who’s so passionate about his craft it was like watching a master at work!”

Carmy watched as you gushed about his former colleague, annoyance clawing at his throat as he took notice of just how happy the memories made you.

“Luca even taught me how to make this crazy dessert he was still perfecting, I mean mine was nothing compared to his but it was honestly the most fun I’d had in so long.” You reminisced about your time spent with Luca, “Oh, and my peach cobbler? Yeah, he taught me the simple syr-.”

“No yeah, I’m familiar with him.” Both you and Sydney were pulled from your animated conversation; the tight smile on Carmy’s face alerted you of his irritation.

You nodded, feeling a little bad at your rambling, “Okay well I’ll just go see Nat now, let me know if you need me to make that call.” You drummed your hands against the counter before turning around to take your leave.

“Hey uh, Baby?” You turned your head before disappearing around the corner eyebrows raised as you looked at Carmy. “Do you think we could maybe talk later?” You watched as his hand came up to scratch the back of his neck.

Sydney watched the interaction play out between the two of you, a small smirk lining her lips as she watched how flustered Carmy got just by asking you a simple question.

Your lips tugged up into a small smile, “Sure thing Carm, I’ll come back when I’m done with Nat.”

Carmy was sure his heart was beating so loud Sydney could hear it, the nickname something he hadn’t heard spilled from your lips in so long. The small smile he briefly caught did wonders for his already lacking confidence, he was now sure more than ever that there was a chance to fix things with you.

You entered the office to see Natalie pouring over documents presumably to do with permits and money in regards to the restaurant. You took a step forward momentarily stopping at Nat’s voice.

“Close and lock the door behind you please,” The lack of eye contact was grating on your nerves, either Natalie was completely stressed about her role as project manager or you had yet again colossally fucked up.

You did as told not wanting to further irritate your very pregnant friend. The office was silent neither of you spoke up as Natalie finished looking over the latest paper she had picked up.

She looked exhausted and you felt horrible knowing you had potentially added more stress onto her already-loaded plate. Nat gave you a small smile though her eyes looked anything but happy.

“Cortez called me this morning,” Nat’s eyebrows raised as she pointedly stared at you. Your head fell back against the door a quiet ‘fuck’ mumbled into the air. “Said this was the third meeting you missed.”

Nat waited for you to return your attention to her, “I’m only going to ask you this once Baby, and I really need you to be honest with me.” Nat leaned forward in the chair, closing a bit of the space between you so you would hear her quiet voice, “Are you using again?”

You sighed leave it to Cortez to fucking snitch you out, you didn’t realize that being a snitch was a requirement if you were someone’s sponsor.

“Baby?” Your eyes connected with Nat’s the softness of her voice and the watery appearance in her eyes told you just how worried she was.

Your head shook back and forth rapidly as you raised your hand to massage your temples, “I’m not using Nat I promise. And I know that means jack shit coming from an addict but I promise I’m doing good.” You took a deep breath calming your budding agitation, you knew Nat was worried and it wasn’t her that you were annoyed at but yourself.

“I uh…I’ve been stuck on step eight since I joined this whole rebranding project, and I…I knew that Cortez would be persistent in me getting it done.” You grimaced at the fact that you had already missed three meetings, you hadn’t realized how far things had gotten, “It’s just things felt normal again and I guess I thought I could just pretend like everything was okay.”

Natalie nodded as she listened to your explanation, she hated it but there was always a part of her that would be apprehensive. She had seen the manipulation substance abuse breeds firsthand when she stayed with you in the hospital after your overdose, it hurt her to see you hurting. To sit back and watch as the withdrawal symptoms ate away at you as you would fiend for a fix that you took your pain out on her and Pete.

Nat quickly turned to where her purse was sitting pulling out a box the two of you were all too familiar with.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!” Your face scrunched up in anger, the emotion slowly residing as you watched Nat close her eyes and take a deep breath in. You felt like a complete asshole you knew Nat wasn’t doing this of her own volition and you had no one to blame but yourself for the predicament you were now in.

“Nat shit, I’m sorry you didn’t deserve that. But you really can’t expect me to take that here.” Your hand thrust out to the box that seemed to be taunting you.

“Baby you know the rules. I don’t like this as much anymore than you but when you just decide you don’t need to meet with your sponsor anymore, these are the measures we have to resort to.”

“Lead the way, Mom.” Natalie let out a small chuckle at your antics, thankful that you were being somewhat logical, “Wait is there a bag we can throw this away in, we can’t just leave the evidence in the bathroom.” The two of you turned to search through the office sure you would find a stray plastic bag lying somewhere.

You popped up, a plastic baggie securely in your grasp, “Does the toilet even work?” Nat shrugged, walking past you and making her way to the bathroom leaving you to follow behind.

“Aww yeah, party in the bathroom! Am I invited?” Nat stopped as Fak stood in front of the two of you hastily moving the bag behind her back doing her best to be inconspicuous.

“Sorry my love girls only, maybe next time,” Nat gave Fak a pat on the shoulder and her signature smile before maneuvering the two of you around him.

“Wait, is it that time of the month for us? Cause I think our cycles might be synced, I’ve been having the most insane cramps lately.” The words that left Fak’s mouth would never cease to surprise you.

“You know, I think you might be right Fak, my lower back has been killing me.” You indulged in Fak’s shenanigans, the man falling in line to walk with you as the two of you followed Natalie to the front.

Fak nodded along with you “No I’m like feeling it, should I invest in a heating pad?”

You snickered at Fak, “I usually just fill up a sock with rice and throw it in the microwave.” You shrugged like the conversation was a completely normal occurrence. “The first day is always the worst for me, my breasts get so tender.”

Fak raised his own hands to his chest cupping his pecs “Baby tell me about it, it’s just like one touch and I’m crying.” You could see Carmy’s confused look from your peripheral as your group finally made it to the bathroom.

“I could totally massage your breast Fak, but you would have to return the favor. It's only fair if you’re a part of the sisterhood.” You watched as Fak nodded his head rapidly, hands raising in the air and hovering in front of your breast.

“Wait, is this an actual thing?”

“Oh yeah me and Nat do it all the time, that’s actually why we’re going to the bathroom now.” Fak’s eyes darted to Nat before looking back at his hands inching closer to your breast.

“Wait no, I don’t want Carmy to be mad at me.” The two of you looked in Carmy’s direction, the man still watching just as confused as earlier.

You shrugged before turning back to Fak, “I can assure you Carmy would not give a single fuck if you touched my breast, Neil.”

The aforementioned man took in a gasp of breath before clearing his throat and slowly moving down the counter to get a better listen at what the hell the two of you were doing.

You, Nat, and Carmy waited to see what Fak’s next move would be, the smile raising to your face hard to keep under wraps, Fak was adorably easy to mess with.

Fak’s hands began to inch forward concentration clear as day on his face before a small shriek left his lips, “Baby I’m sorry, Carmy’s my best friend, I don’t think I can do this for you.”

You laughed at the disappointment in Fak’s voice, “Your loss babes, I know 16-year-old Fak would’ve killed for this moment.” Your hand raised to pat his cheek before you finally left his side and entered the bathroom as Nat held the door open for you.

“She was lying to you my love, we don’t massage each other's breasts.” With those last words, Nat shut the door on a disappointed Fak and a mildly annoyed Carmy.

Fak turned back to look at Carmy with an apology in his eyes, “I’m so sorry Carmy, teenage Fak was really fighting to come out right now but I know Baby’s your girl.”

Carmy frowned at Fak’s words, the irritation running through him at yours and Fak’s stupid antics. “She’s uh…she’s not my girl. Baby and I are just friends.”

Fak smiled widely in Carmy’s direction, “That’s great, you really should think about getting a girlfriend then, I just want you to be happy Carmy.” Fak began walking to the back to help move the appliances. Carmy let out a chuckle as he heard Fak mumble about missing his once-in-a-lifetime chance.

Carmy shook his head back and forth, having you back really was just like old times. He wouldn’t ever say anything out loud but Carmy was actually really glad he didn’t have to stand there and watch Fak fondle you.

“Pete said the two of you have a lunch date planned.” Your head shot up to Nat, the air had been a little stilted between the two of you since she had brandished the drug test.

A laugh bubbled out of you, “Doesn’t seem like the proper environment for a casual chat Nat.” You gestured to the dinghy bathroom you were in, emphasizing the urine sample sitting on the sink while the two of you awaited the results.

You watched the smile rise to Natalie’s lips, a somber look overcast on her face, “I’m not doing this because I want to Baby.” Nat’s voice took on a gravelly tone.

Natalie didn’t deserve this, she had already basically nursed you back to health once. And now here she and Pete were about to bring a life into this world, and here you were a grown adult still expecting everyone else to fix your problems. You knew Natalie didn’t need the stress and worry your life choices brought forth and if your overdose wasn’t a wake-up call enough, then Nat’s haggard appearance as you two stood in the bathroom sure was.

“I know and I apologize Nat. Really livin' up to my nickname aren’t I?” Nat chuckled listening to your apology. “There’s no excuse for my behavior. I know what’s expected of me I-”

Your words were cut off by the shrill ringing of your phone. The noise caused the two of you to jolt in the small bathroom. You quickly removed the device from your back pocket, it was a Chicago area code, but you already had everyone you knew here saved in your contacts.

“You gonna answer that?” Your eyes flashed to Nat, her eyebrows raised in question.

You took one last glance at the number trying to place it before clicking the power button and slipping it back into your pocket, “If it’s important they’ll leave a voicemail.”

“Anyway, I shouldn’t constantly depend on you to clean up my messes Nat, I don’t think I’ve been the best friend recently. And it should be you depending on me considering,” you waved your hand over her figure scared that if you spoke the word someone might hear. “I promise to do better Nat, I want to be around to help with the little gremlin.”

Nat raised her hand to wipe the few tears that were falling, making her way over to pull you into an embrace, “These damn hormones make me so emotional.”

You chuckled rubbing up and down Natalie’s back, “You’d be crying even if you weren’t compromised.”

The hug lasted up until the timer on Nat’s phone sounded, signaling the results were ready. The two of you pulled apart, with Nat sending you a reassuring smile.

It didn’t matter if you knew you hadn’t touched any substances since your hospitalization, you would always be nervous when it was time to read off the results. You waited with bated breath as Nat read over the testing stick, you would set up a meeting with Cortez as soon as you got the chance.

The sigh of relief Natalie let out stung you a bit, but you could understand her apprehension it wasn’t easy trusting a recovering addict.

“It’s negative Babes.” A sigh of relief left you.

A wide grin raising to your lips, “I told you so.” Nat rolled her eyes at the sing-song sound of your voice.

The two of you made quick work of cleaning up the bathroom, small talk about your future lunch with Pete floating around as you made sure all evidence was disposed of in the plastic bag.

Carmy watched as Sugar exited the bathroom the same drugstore bag from earlier in her hand. He sent a nod in her direction as she smiled at him before making her leave. Carmy was set to meet up with Syd in 30 minutes but he was hoping to speak with you before he took his leave, unsure if you would still be here later.

He returned his attention to the calendars with the timeline to open, checking off things that had already been taken care of and adding anything he wanted to double-check.

“You free to talk now, Carm?” He turned at the sound of your voice, a shy smile lining his cheeks as he took in the smile on your lips.

“Uh yeah, yeah if you’re free,” You nodded, coming to stand across from Carmy the old counter directly between you two.

Carmy’s eyes took in the sweater you were wearing, similar to the style in his but while his was a nice grey color, yours was a deep green. The familiarity of the crew neck finally dawned on him as he realized it was his crew neck you were wearing, the last time he saw it was the night he left you in his apartment all those months ago expecting to still see you there when he returned home.

It was silent as the two of you stared at each other, a giggle escaped your lips at the lost look on Carmy’s face. “What’d you wanna talk about Carmy?”

Carmy nodded trying to remove the memories from his mind, “I uh…I know I ruined our friendship and…and whatever was left of it.” He paused, eyes falling to the crew neck carefully wrapped around you, the memory of watching you get dressed after the shower you shared swimming around in his head, the extra pictures of the two of you tucked safely into his bedside drawer.

“Carm hey,” he watched as your knuckles knocked against the counter to bring him back to the present time.

“Yeah, I uh I just have a lot I think we should talk about Baby, and maybe the restaurant wasn’t the best place for it.” He reached up to scratch the back of his neck, nerves running haywire.

You nodded a serious look painted on your face, you were sure you knew what Carmen wanted to speak about but you also had secrets of your own you wanted to share with him.

“I…I want us to try and be friends again or at least be cordial with each other…if that’s not too much to ask.” Carmy huffs out a breath of laughter, eyes latching onto your figure in front of him.

He watches as you appear to be thinking, most likely retracing the path of your relationship through the years memories running through your head that he has absolutely no idea exists.

“Carmy, you’ve never not been my friend but a lot of your choices hurt m-.” Your phone rang again echoing off the walls in the front of the restaurant.

You gave Carmy a small smile before removing your phone, the number that’s calling you is the same one that called while you were in the bathroom with Nat earlier. You raise your finger to Carmy, gesturing that you need to take the call.

“Hello.” You wait as the other line stays quiet.

“Baby?”

You frown looking up at Carmy as he watches you hoping your call ends soon, “Uh I’m sorry who is this?”

“Oh, it’s me, uh…Claire. We lived down the street from each other as kids?” A gasp escaped your lips, surprised that she was calling you.

You move the phone from your mouth. Hand moving up to cover it as your eyes find Carmy’s “It’s Claire.” Your whisper takes a moment to register in his ears, too caught up in the bright smile on your face.

“Wow, it's so good to hear from you. Um, I hope I don’t sound rude but how exactly did you get my number?” You watched as Carmy ran a hand across his mouth, eyes wide your name slipped past his lips the dire need to get you off that call racing through him.

You held your finger up to him signaling to give you a moment, too wrapped up in miraculously connecting with an old friend.

“Oh um, this is going to sound weird. I uh…I ran into Carmy the other night at the grocery store and when I asked him for his number…this is the number he gave me.” You listened as Claire spoke, the smile quickly disappearing from your lips as your eyes found Carmy’s alarmed ones.

“Carmen gave you my number?” You watched the regret flash through his eyes.

“Mhm.”

“And claimed it was his?”

“Uh kinda yeah, it’s a bit weird but maybe he was just planning to call you or something.” A small laugh left your lips, if he hadn’t called you since he last saw you, you could bet he had no plans to ever call you.

“Yeah…fuckng bizarre.” You could feel the lump forming in your throat.

“Sorry if this is weird but do you think you could give me his number?” It felt like senior year all over again and you were the bridge between these two souls

An ironic smile rose to your lips as you stared directly at Carmy, the panic glaringly obvious in his eyes because he couldn’t hear Claire’s responses.

“Oh, Claire Bear I’m so sorry I haven’t spoken to Carmy in what’s it been?” You paused your glare on Carmy impenetrable.

“Five years, since high school graduation. I don’t even have his number.” The crack in your voice was evident to all who could hear, Carmy wished he could disappear at that moment.

“Oh no, is everything okay with you two?”

“You’re too sweet. You know how it is people change, they grow apart. I just think Carmy outgrew me.” It was becoming harder and harder to swallow your tears.

“Wow, I’m sorry to hear that Baby. But I heard you're back in Chicago, maybe we can catch up?”

“Claire I’d love that, hey before you go try Fak for Carmy’s number I’ve heard they’re extremely close now, have a great rest of your day!” You listened as Claire said her goodbyes quickly, hanging up and placing your phone back in its designated pocket.

It was silent as you raised your head to the ceiling, a disbelieving laugh escaped your lips as you felt the tears trace down your cheeks. You were getting fucking tired of crying.

“Baby hey, hey let me exp-,” Carmy’s pleas were cut short as both of your eyes shot to his now ringing phone on the counter. Neither of you needed to be a fucking genius to figure out who was ringing Carmy’s line.

“Answer quickly Carmen, your little girlfriend is calling.” You knew it was petty and you shouldn’t be upset with Claire for chasing after what she wanted, but for once you didn’t want to be the one fighting for scraps of Carmy’s affection.

You didn’t want to have to share.

His hand quickly shot out pressing the power button on the side silencing the ringing, taking the extra step and turning it face down as he watched you just stare at it.

“Baby I-,”

“Why are you the way you are?” You were tired of putting Carmy and his feelings ahead of yourself, tired of running yourself ragged to accommodate your feelings for a grown man who was too scared of the truth.

“I-” You took a deep breath to collect your thoughts. “I’m so hurt right now Carmen and I want to be angry, I want to be so fucking angry with you but I’m just hurt and exhausted, and I…I really don’t even want to waste my breath on you right now, but I’ve put up with a lot of your shit and I think I’m just done.” Carmy flinched at the sardonic laugh you let loose.

“It hurts Carmen…it hurts when the person you’ve been truly in love with for most of your life doesn’t even treat you like an option.” You ignored the sharp intake of breath that came from Carmen’s direction, surprised he even had the guts to listen to your rant.

The ringing in his ears along with your broken voice overwhelmed him.

“I have lived so much of my life for you and yeah I was stupid for that, but all I wanted was your happiness and all I wanted was happiness with you. I have given so much of myself to you Carmen I have lost pieces of u- of myself to you, Carmen.” The tears were raining down in full force.

It was one thing to cry when you were hurt but to cry out of anger and exhaustion would probably always be the worst feeling.

“All I wanted was for you to love me the way I loved you…the way I will continue loving you after today because the way I feel for you won’t just go away Carmen it will be stuck with me forever! What I lost to you will be stuck with me forever! And…and we spend this amazing weekend together and I accept that you can’t commit to me and I give you the benefit of the doubt because Mikey just died and you…fuck.” Your hand slammed against the counter top your thoughts all over the place.

“You take my number that you’ve had for a year and you give it to some girl that you had some stupid pathetic high school fucking crush on. I’m not even worth a fucking phone call to you Carmen! And I…I’m not even supposed to be here right now but you wouldn’t fucking know because your too much of a fucking coward to allow yourself to be loved to be happy!”

You could feel the oncoming migraine from how loud you were shouting, you did your best to ignore the gathering crowd, Nat and Richie at the forefront watching with worried glances, as Marcus Fak and the rest of the crew peaked through from the back.

A shuddering breath floated through your lips as you felt the lifetime of exhaustion catch up with you. “I almost gave you all of me Carmen. Please just leave me alone” The words escaped your throat in a hoarse whisper. You were so far gone that you couldn’t even see the look of heartbreak and despair marring Carmen’s features.

“Baby, hey!” Your eyes shot to Richie as he blocked your line of vision to Carmen's. Head shaking back and forth arms slowly reaching out before coming to rest on your biceps thumbs gently massaging into them. “Let’s take a break Baby calm down a bit yeah?” He nodded his head waiting for you to nod along before he led you to the back, making sure to block your view of Carmen.

You were shaking as the two of you made your way past Nat a whispered ‘I’m sorry’ leaving your lips as she was left to deal with the mess that was Carmy.

“Fuck!” The loud crashes of a heavy object slamming into the floor caused you to jump in Richie’s hold as he led you back into the office.

Little tremors shook through your body as Richie carefully guided you to sit in the lone office chair. Taking his position by your legs as he squatted in front of you, worry etched into his features at having never seen you react like that.

Your hands came to grip Richie's, the tear tracks on your face now dried, you were almost positive you had run out of tears to cry.

“I lost everything, Richie,” your voice was strained. “And I…I spared him because I knew he couldn’t handle it, you knew he couldn’t handle it…not after Mikey.”

Richie’s eyes squeezed closed as he raised your intertwined hands to his forehead, haunting memories of you forcing their way through. He dropped your hands delicately cupping your face to press a kiss on your forehead, “I know Baby.” The words were spoken softly against your skin.

The two of you sat in that position as you gained control of your ragged breathing.

“I’m a hypocrite, Rich,” you separated yourself from him, locking eyes. “I blamed Carmy for so much out there…but I’ve done something so unforgivable, I don’t think you’ll look at me the same.” You wanted to cry but the exhaustion ate away at you.

“Hey I’ve been through some shit Baby, we’ve been through some shit, nothing,” the firm grip on your chin reminded you of the lost soul who should’ve been in the room with you two. “Look at me when I’m talking to you. Nothing you say will change how I look at you.”

It was always weird to see Richie serious and the voice of reason, not that he didn’t have his moments, but seeing Rich without his signature smile made it feel like you had stripped him of something so personal.

“How bout this, Sug or I take you before you beat Carmy’s ass,” the sentence drew a small laugh out of you. “And then I’ll come over when I’m done here, pick up some dinner and we’ll have one of those nights like we used to when…when Mikey was still here.” You nodded your head not having enough energy to produce words.

Richie patted your knee rising to his full height as he headed to check on Sug and his idiot of a fucking cousin. “Oh hey, I’ll have Eva tonight, you don’t mind do you? She’s constantly on my ass about seeing her auntie Bebe.” Richie stood in the now open doorway awaiting your answer.

Your immediate response was yes, but you had to consider Tiff, unsure if she wanted her daughter around you considering your newly acquired title as recovering addict.

“I’d like that a lot, but I-I think you should get Tiff’s permission to bring Eva around me.” You knew your suggestion might upset Richie but it was for the best, and you would call Tiff yourself just to double-check.

“Hey no none of that shit, she’s my fucking kid too Baby.” The defensive tone in his voice immediately caused you to close your eyes, hands moving to massage your temples.

“Richie please, I just need you to do this for me okay? This isn’t about your parenting skills, Rich.” Richie watched you for a minute, the exhaustion noticeable.

He nodded sending you one last somber look before making his exit keen on chewing his little fucking asshole cousin a new one.

Richie could feel his anger rising in him as he walked past Marcus and Fak as they worked to remove appliances from the kitchen. He quickly sauntered toward the whispers of Sugar and Carmy becoming clearer as he finally made it to the front of the restaurant.

The first thing his eyes took notice of was the destroyed cash register lying in the middle of the floor, debris from the relic scattered across the room. Richie stood there taking in the scene, the two Berzatto siblings' conversation coming to a halt as Richie blew out a whistle, walking around the mess slowly clapping.

“You’re a real fucking piece of work Cousin,” Richie’s hand shot out to point in Carmy’s direction the younger man looking disheveled, the frown on his face almost comical.

Natalie felt her shoulders tense; she had known these two long enough to know nothing good would come out of this interaction. The fact that you were in the middle of all this would make whatever happened right now all the worse.

There were two things in the world Richie didn’t play about, little Eva; and you.

“Richie I don’t need your fucking bullshit right now.” Carmy moved to walk around the counter, hands fumbling in his pocket to get his cigarettes out, his focus on the door he was trying to escape through.

“You’re a piece of shit cousin.” Richie’s hands shot out to grip the collar of Carmy’s crew neck, shoving him into the counter.

Natalie’s shocked gasp of Richie’s name did nothing to tear the men away from each other.

“Get the fuck outta my face, Richie.” The shorter man shoved the man standing in front of him.

A rueful smile raised to Richie’s lips “That girl has bent over backward for your conceited ass time and time again, and you go and ruin the only good fucking thing you have going for yourself.” Richie’s hand raised thumb and middle finger moving to flick Carmy between the brows.

“You’re the last person that gets to talk to me about fucking ruining good things in my life.” Carmy’s free hand moved to swat at Richie’s.

“That empty fucking head of yours is so far up your ass you can’t see what the fucks been in front of you this whole time.

“Yo fuck you, Richie!”

The two loud voices echoed throughout the restaurant as the angry men tried to outyell each other.

“No you fucking listen to me! You don’t know what the fuck that girls been through. Where the fuck were you when shit went down Carmen! Huh!” Richie shoved Carmy again, the anger he felt for you pouring through him.

“Why the fuck weren’t you there for her whe-.”

“Richie!” Natalie’s stern voice caused Richie to harness some of his anger. “No.” The subtle shake of her head stopped his sentence mid-thought.

“You’re worse than the shit on the bottom of my shoe, and you don’t deserve to touch one pretty little hair on that girl’s head. And if I ever have to listen to her cry over you, watch her hurt over you again, you’re gonna wish Mikey was still here to save your ass.” Richie’s hand shot out to slap against the side of Carmen’s head, “Fucking bum.”

He removed himself from Carmy’s space, hands immediately raising as he faced Nat’s exhausted stare. “Sug I’m sorry, but get Baby home will you? I gotta finish up shit round here.”

Richie left the two Berzatto siblings to stand in the now quiet front of the restaurant, the sooner he finished his shit here, the sooner he and Eva could spend the evening with you.

Natalie looked at her younger brother scared of how this sequence of events would affect him. She took a step forward hand reaching out to Carmy before dropping it, “Hey, you okay?” The two siblings stood in silence, one worried about the well-being of her remaining brother.

And the other was trying to collect his racing thoughts, too many zooming through for him to even land on one.

“Where are we with the permits?” To Carmy’s ears, it sounded like he was underwater, his voice muffled, barely loud enough to be heard.

“Carm-.” Nat’s words were cut off with no chance of consoling him.

“Just get her home Nat and get back to me on those permits please.” Natalie watched as Carmy collected his phone and jacket, an unfocused wave of his hand sent in her direction before making his way through the exit, disappearing to who knows where.

Natalie watched as the front door latched shut, she couldn’t help but feel guilty for pushing you into this environment. If she had just let you re-acclimate yourself on your own time, maybe this situation could’ve been avoided.

Her hand fell to her stomach, eyes following suit, “Welcome to the family little one.”

The sound of your doorbell constantly ringing tore your stare away from the bottle sitting on your coffee table. You sat still for a minute before remembering the plans you made with Richie earlier in the day, your eyes shooting to the bottle before you quickly moved to hide it behind one of the couch pillows.

Since Natalie dropped you off earlier you had gone back and forth with the idea of finally coming clean to Richie. Your decision was led by your emotions from earlier in the day, but after finding the bottle of champagne you received in The Tribune’s welcome basket shoved in the back of your pantry, you were sorely rethinking your decision.

You adjusted the pillow to disguise any misshapen lumps before hurrying to the door to greet your guest. Hoping the forced smile was enough you opened the door feeling the once-fake smile begin to settle into a genuine one as you took in the father-daughter duo on your porch.

“Auntie Bebe!” You laughed, a lump forming in your throat at how big the young girl seemed to have gotten.

“Little E is that you?” Eva giggled at the exaggerated gasp you let out before throwing herself against your legs squeezing you tight.

She unlatched herself from you before gripping your hand and moving into the house, “Daddy bought us pizza!”

“Hey, Eva take your shoes off.” Richie gave you a small smile as he scolded the little girl, her huff of annoyance not going unnoticed by the two of you.

Richie finally walked through the door shutting and locking it behind him staring at you as he waited for instructions, “Hey E go ahead to the living room and pick out something to watch okay? I’m gonna help your dad real quick.”

You were rewarded with her adorable smile as she ran in the direction you pointed her to. You turned back to Richie taking the two pizza boxes from his hand to allow him to remove his shoes and jacket.

The two of you made your way to the kitchen setting the boxes down on your island with a clear view of Eva scrolling through your tv. You maneuvered around the kitchen for plates before brandishing them to Richie, eyes caught on Eva’s small figure in your living room.

“She’s gotten so big,” the tears you thought had run out earlier were once again making their appearance.

Richie’s head turned to you, “Aww Baby look at you ready to cry and shit, you just saw her a year ago.”

You listened to Richie’s intoxicating laugh, trying your best to find the humor in his words. The notion was hard though when the last memory you could’ve had of the sweet little girl waiting for the two of you in the living room was holding her at a funeral that could have just as easily been yours.

“You coming Baby?” Richie’s raised brows were aimed at you, he had already made his way to the living room setting the smaller plate in front of Eva.

You cleared your throat nodding your head with a forced smile on your lips. It was settled, Richie had every right to know that there could have been a universe where he had to survive without Mikey and you.

Eva was cuddled into your side as your fingers stoked through her blonde locks, her smaller hand playing with the rings on your free hand. The two of you sat staring at the paused episode of ‘The Dragon Prince’ waiting for Richie to return from the bathroom.

Sitting with Eva in your living room made your heart heavy with what could’ve been. A small sad smile traced your lips as you leaned forward to plant a soft kiss on the crown of her head.

Eva’s head turned to yours, her tongue poking out at you as you returned the gesture, the two of you going back and forth making silly faces at each other before she released a small yawn. You watched as her small hand rose to gently run her little fingers across the scars on your face.

“Auntie Bebe?” You made a small noise to let her know you were listening. “Are you going to die?”

Your brows pinched together, Eva’s hand prodded at the scar between your eyebrows that was now more prominent, “Hey hey, where is this coming from?”

Her hand lowered to her lap as she turned her attention back to your ring-clad hand. “Mommy said you were sick…like Uncle Mikey…and that you tried to be with him.”

The ache in your chest was instant, you knew Tiff had tried to explain why you hadn’t visited but you didn’t know Eva had such an understanding of everything.

She raised your hand so it was in front of the two of you, little fingers dancing across yours, “And Uncle Mikey left us 'cause he was sick and I don’t want you to leave to Bebe.”

“Little E, look at me,” you waited as she adjusted next to you small body, cuddling into you more as her face turned to you. “I was sick…just like Uncle Mikey, but I’m doing a lot better now. And I got hurt, that’s why I have these scars on my face but a lot of good people helped me, like Auntie Nat, and even your mom.”

You stopped allowing the child to digest your words, you were trying to explain things in the simplest terms, and the small girl next to you didn’t need to know any of the details. “As much as I miss Uncle Mikey I could never leave behind my Little E.”

Eva shrieked as you moved forward to tickle her doing your best to make a very tough conversation end on a light note for the sweet little girl who brought joy to your world.

“How about some ice cream, yeah?” You watched as the small girl nodded up and down excitedly, her arms coming up to wrap around your neck as she planted a small kiss on your cheek.

“I missed you, Auntie Bebe.”

Your hand reached out to ruffle the girl's hair, “I missed you too Little E.” She removed herself from around you laying across the empty couch cushions.

You let out a little laugh before grabbing the empty plates and moving to the kitchen to get Eva her ice cream. You jumped at the sight of Richie leaning against the island in your kitchen arms crossed against his chest.

“Why are you standing in my kitchen like a fucking weirdo Richie,” you laughed moving to place the plates in the sink before grabbing a bowl for the ice cream. “Eva’s okay to have ice cream right, I know it's a little late bu-”

“What the hell was Eva talking about Baby,” you looked over your shoulder Richie’s stern eyes focused on you eyes piercing through you as opposed to at you.

You sat the bowl and ice cream on the island before searching for your ice cream scooper, the silence droning on as you began scooping out ice cream for Eva.

“I fucked up Richie,” you finally looked up to Richie eyes wet with tears as you watched him tightly shut his eyes and begin shaking his head back and forth. Not prepared for what he was about to hear.

You quickly finished with ice cream, returning everything to its location and dropping the scoop in the sink before grabbing a spoon. You made your way to Eva sending her a small smile as you handed the bowl to her, “I need to talk to your daddy okay? Go ahead and finish watching without us mamas.” Your words went in one ear and out the other, her attention fully on the treat in her hands. You gave her one last smile before braving yourself for what the kitchen had in store for you.

“I uh…I was in a bad place after Chicago we had just buried Mikey and then…the hospital happened,” you stopped taking a deep breath to get through this conversation. “I should’ve come home Richie I-.” You couldn’t get the words out your throat felt like it was constricting. It felt as though if you tried confessing you would choke on the words before you could even come clean to Richie.

Richie sat next to you at your small circular dining table chair turned towards you, eyes flicking to Eva’s figure every few seconds to make sure she was okay. Richie wasn’t even sure he wanted you to continue, but a huge part of him needed to know what you went through, he thought he had already seen you at your lowest point but the gravity of your words assured him that was nothing compared to the confession you were about to lay at his feet.

“I overdosed Rich.” Richie froze having thought he hadn’t heard you correctly for a second but as he watched the despair take over your face, he knew he heard you right.

His hand came up to wipe across his mouth, the reality of your words barely setting in. “Baby no, no, no, no.” The laugh that accompanied his words morphed into a silent sob as he tucked his head into his hands.

You swallowed your cry fighting to escape as you turned to make sure Eva was still okay, a reprieve from the hard conversation you were having.

You moved from your chair standing in front of Richie so you could console him, his arms wrapped around your waist as his head settled against your stomach, the shaking of his body proof to you that cries were still wracking his body.

The silent sobs turned into quiet cries, his hands gripping the extra fabric of your shirt at the waist. Your tears could no longer be held back bending at the waist you rested your forehead against the back of Richie’s head.

While Richie was crying over the sister he almost lost; you cried over the lives you ruined.

“Auntie Bebe I finished my ice cream!” You took in a deep breath against Richie’s head moving your own from its previous position.

You moved to step out of Richie’s grip, his hands tightening around your shirt tears seeping through to dampen your skin. “I gotta help E, I promise I’ll be back Richie.”

The breath you took in choked you as you had to pry Richie’s clenched fingers out of the fabric of your shirt. You quickly wiped your cheeks before making your way over to Eva grabbing the bowl from her hands and sending her a forced smile.

“Can I spend the night Bebe?” The hope in her eyes made your chest heave.

“How about I call your mom tomorrow and we arrange something for another time, is that okay with you?” Your hands brushed across her forehead, clearing the hair from her face.

She pouted, sinking into the couch cushion, “E, hey you can come visit me whenever, but tonight just isn’t a good night for a sleepover.”

You watched as her eyes began to water, “But what if you try to leave again?” You hadn’t realized how intuitive children could be at times, you bent down to make yourself eye level with Eva.

“Listen, mamas, I’m just a phone call away okay? Anytime you’re scared I might be gone just ask your mom or dad to call me and I’ll answer every time, I promise.” Everyone knew making promises to children was a slippery slope, but you intended on keeping this promise with every ounce of your being, it was time for you to start taking some responsibility.

Eva nodded her head throwing her little arms around your neck and gracing you with a hug you weren’t aware you needed. You gave a small kiss to her temple before pulling away and setting the empty bowl on your coffee table.

“How about you lay down okay? Your dad and I might be awhile,” She nodded, moving and leaning against the pillow, her sudden weight revealing the champagne bottle you had hidden behind it, you quickly covered her with the throw blanket on your couch before picking up the bowl and bottle and making your way back to the kitchen.

You gently placed the bowl in the sink before making your way over to Richie whose head was still in his hands. His eyes found yours as he heard you take your seat, before skating across the unopened bottle you had set between the two of you.

“I’ve been sober for five months now,” watching Richie’s bloodshot eyes slowly blink at you as he drank your every word in felt like a knife being continuously shoved through your chest. “No drugs, no alcohol.” Your voice trailed off, this was the first time you had admitted your shortcomings by choice.

“Ho-How’d it happen?” Your eyes focused on Richie’s Adam’s apple as it bobbed up and down, his face pinching together like asking that simple question was equivalent to swallowing glass.

“I uh don’t know the full story, just what the doctors told Nat and me,” you could see the hurt on his face that Nat was already privy to the information. “I didn’t tell her by choice, uh after my mom died my family kind of distanced themselves from me and so N-Nat became my power of attorney.”

He nodded his head, unfocused eyes floating around your kitchen, “Can you tell me?”

A tired sigh left you “Rich I don’t thi-,”

“I need to know Baby, please.” His hand shot out to grip yours, desperation you had never before seen seeping from his eyes.

You cleared your throat taking in a deep breath, “When I left Chicago, I just felt so…alone. It was like everywhere I looked there was either a reminder of Mikey or a reminder of…of what we lost.” Richie’s free hand returned to swipe across his mouth, eyes everywhere but you.

“The pills were prescription I…I can’t remember when I started taking them or when the dependency started but I-I know the alcohol started first. I deluded myself into thinking that I could do what Mikey couldn't…that I could numb the pain and function at the same time.

“It was like that for a while and then it just gradually got worse until I ended up hospitalized with no recollection of how I even got there and…and Natalie just crying and staring at me and the thing is I had heard those cries from her once before.” The same cries you listened to as she revealed Mikey’s fate to you.

“Um, the story is that I had been mixing drugs and alcohol which yeah I was. But that day I guess it finally went too far, for some reason I was trying to get to my patio and I guess I couldn’t figure out the door, I just…repeatedly threw myself into the glass until it shattered.” Your free hand moved unconsciously to pick at the scar lining the right side of your jaw, Richie’s hand quickly snatching it away urging you to continue your story.

“Wasn’t done yet though was I,” you looked at Richie expecting a chuckle out of him but the stoic look in his eyes told you he wasn’t in the mood for half-baked jokes. “I took two more pills and stumbled bloody through my apartment before making it out of my door and collapsing in a pool of my blood and vomit. A neighbor found me and called the ambulance.” You were glad you had no recollections of what would’ve been your final moments.

The silence in the kitchen was heavy, the words you had shared between the two of you more than anything Richie could have ever prepared himself for.

“Baby why…why didn’t you call me?” Richie’s hand covered his mouth in a fist as another cry escaped his lips wide teary eyes finally focused on yours.

“I didn’t want you to be disappointed in me.” Richie could feel his heart breaking as he listened to the crack in your voice as you spoke, you had been so scared to disappoint him that you had hidden a part of yourself for him for so long.

“How long have you been in Chicago? You avoided Richie’s gaze, not brave enough to see the look of hurt and betrayal.

“I spent a month in Wisconsin at a treatment facility, I’ve been in Chicago since December.”

“And Tiff knew about this?”

“Yeah…uh she kind of forced it out of Natalie, I guess Eva kept asking about me.” You watched as Richie’s head slowly nodded as he carefully let your words play in his head.

Richie leaned forward in his chair, elbows coming to rest on his knees as his clasped hands rested against his mouth.

“I’m not disappointed in you Baby,” Richie’s eyes rose to yours. “But I’m real fuckin hurt and the shit you just laid on me was a lot to take in but I…I want to understand and I want to be here for you.”

The tears that had subsided were now back pouring down your face in droves, “I’m so sorry Richie, I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. But I promise you I’m trying to be better, I will be better. I don’t think I'll get another shot at this after this one.”

Richie stood from his chair pulling you up with him, immediately tugging you into his chest hugging you tightly under the ambient kitchen lighting. He knew his hugs would never match up to Mikey’s, that his role in your life would never compare to Mikey's. But he loved you so much and learning that you had fallen victim to the same poison as Mikey made him feel like an utter failure.

Richie tilted his head down planting a kiss on the crown of your head, the saltiness of his tears passing over his lips.

What purpose did he have if he couldn’t even keep his last promise to Mikey?

Carmen’s day had come to an end hours ago but he just couldn’t get himself to fall asleep, all the words you had said to him playing over and over again in his head.

He had been so caught up in your argument that he blew his food-hopping plans off with Syd, and couldn’t even get himself to return any of the many missed phone calls he received from the number he knew to be Claire’s

Not that he even wanted to but he felt the girl deserved a proper explanation.

After leaving the restaurant and wandering the Chicago streets he found himself back where his life seemed to begin and end. Pouring what was left of him into helping the rest of the crew start the gut on the restaurant. He wasn’t proud that he let his emotions regarding your situation get the best of him, leading to an unnecessary and petty argument with Sydney. But he knew the two of them would work their issues out.

He couldn’t be sure that the same could be said for the two of you though.

The journal he had started a year ago sat open in his lap, the Polaroid he used to keep his place gently rested on his bedside table, the small lamp illuminated the two of you staring at each other eyes full of love as you wore matching smiles.

A teardrop landed on the ink-stained pages of his journal. The words he wanted to say to you easily poured out of him when he sat down to write to you. The journal began as a way for him to express what he felt for you, but as the months went on and the writing became a part of his routine they turned into letters to you he’d never have the guts to send.

His hand came up to swipe across his face before reaching for the pristine Polaroid and neatly tucking it between the designated pages. The journal was then safely placed in his bedside drawer. He knew he needed to give you space, he just wasn’t sure if there had ever been a future written in the stars for the two of you.

Picking up his phone he opened it to your newly saved contact, the need to hear your voice spilling more tears from his eyes. Your voice rang through his head as he thought about your words from earlier, Carmy couldn’t lie, he knew you loved him and had known for a while but hearing you say it aloud had finally awoken that part in him that would allow himself the pleasure of loving you back.

He couldn’t do it, couldn’t get himself to call you. A sob ripped through him as he locked his phone and set it down, the hope he had earlier to work things out with you was now gone, and he had no one left to blame but himself.

Carmy laid back in bed, eyes blankly staring at the ceiling, one arm bent at a right angle to support his head. He had really and truly ruined whatever relationship was left between you two.

Carmy’s hand dipped into the collar of his tank top, gripping the small pendant he found dangling from his chain after returning home from his shift the night you made your departure from his New York apartment.

His fingers had gotten used to tracing over the initial of your first name that he proudly wore around his neck. The closest thing he even had to you now.

Carmy’s eyes watered as he raised the initial pendant to his lips, a lingering kiss pressed into it, and a whispered “I love you,” filtered through the quiet of his room.

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so i’ve reached the limit of people i can mention in a single post, i apologize if you asked to be tagged and were left off it was not intentional. i’m gonna figure something out to try and fix this…sorry : (

#carmen berzatto x reader #carmy berzatto x reader #the bear fic #the bear x reader #carmen berzatto angst #carmen berzatto x you #carmy the bear #all i ever knew only you ₊‧°𐐪♡𐑂°‧₊#[aiekoy] updates

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hischierswhore · 1 year

Note

“if you walk out that door, i won’t be here when you get back”

Mason and Y/N are fighting and Mason decides to leave to go out with boys, Y/N says “if you leave, i won’t be here” (she’s talking out her ass and really doesn’t mean it) but he still decides to go because he doesn’t want to fight anymore. Fast forward, Y/N gets a call from Ben and they need her to come get Mason because he is too drunk to drive, she gets there and they are forcing Mason out of the club (he still hasn’t seen Y/N yet) and he starts angrily yelling at them that “he doesn’t want to go home” and Christian’s like “why?” and he turns into the softest baby telling them that “if he goes home, Y/N won’t be there and he doesn’t want to face that” angst to fluff pretty please 🫶🏼

walking out

pairing: Mason Mount x Reader

TW: cursing // mentions of alcohol // if i missed anything, please let me know

"Tonight was supposed to be our night in, and you're bailing on me to go out with the boys"

"I haven't properly hung out with them in a while, Y/n!" Mason sighed as he finished getting his shoes on.

"You were literally hanging out with them 2 days ago, Mason!" You said as he ignored you, continuing his path to the front door. Just as he was about to leave, you spoke.

"If you walk out that door, I won’t be here when you get back” Your voice cracked as you spoke, hoping he would turn around and talk to you. But he didn't. He didn't want to fight anymore, so he opened the door and walked out.

You stood in shock as he shut the door behind him. Did he really just walk out on you? You said you wouldn't be here when he came back home, but you were honestly talking out of your ass. You didn't mean it. You thought that maybe he would stay if he thought he was going to lose you, but it seemed like he didn't care.

You spent the next few hours bawling your eyes out while listening to (your favorite sad song), which only made your tears worse. You were upset at the fact that he had abandoned you, but more upset that he proceeded to leave even after you said you'd be gone by the time he came back, even if you were lying.

You'd fallen asleep with tears trickling down your face. At some point during the night, your phone rang and startled you awake. Upon picking up the device, it showed Ben's name.

"Hello?" Your voice sounded groggy.

"Sorry to wake you up, but uhh- we've got a bit of an issue"

"What the hell do you mean you have an issue? Is everything okay?" Your voice was laced with concern.

"For the most part, yeah. Mason had a bit too much to drink tonight, and he can't drive home. Could you come get him?" You let out a sigh of relief at his words.

"Yeah, I'll be there in 5" You hung up and quickly changed into some sweatpants and one of Mason's hoodies before leaving to pickup your drunk boyfriend.

The streets were dark, the sky was pitch black as the stars twinkled above you. You parked your car and saw Ben & Christian dragging Mason out of the club. You got out of your car and leaned against it as you watched the scene in front of you unfold.

"I don't want to go home" Mason drunkenly spoke as he attempted to free himself from Christian's hold.

"Why not?" Christian inquired.

"If I go home, Y/n won't be there and I don't think I can face that" You frowned as he spoke.

"Mate, she's here to take you home" Ben spoke up, causing Mason to frantically look around for you. When he finally saw you, Mason looked as if he had gotten sober in an instant.

Christian & Ben carefully put Mason in your passenger seat as you put his seatbelt on. You said a quick thank you to the both of them for calling you before driving off.

You'd brought some water for Mason to drink to help him sober up.

"Why'd you do it?" You asked as you parked your car in the driveway of your shared home.

"To forget. To forget that I made a stupid decision and walked out on you, even after you threatened to leave" He sighed as he threw his head back against the headrest. You didn't respond to this, as you simply got out of the car and helped him make his way inside the house.

You couldn't carry him, so you sort of dragged him up the stairs and to your shared bedroom. It was when you both got comfortable in bed that he spoke.

"Why didn't you leave like you said?" You turned to face him.

"Because I wasn't planning on leaving in the first place. I only said that to see if you would change your mind and stay, but you didn't. I also wouldn't want to leave on a bad note, so if I did actually want to leave, I would've waited until we actually spoke" You saw Mason frown as you spoke.

"But you're not actually leaving, right?"

"No, Mase, I'm not. I do think we need to talk though" You heard Mason sniffle.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart. I'm sorry for not staying. I'm sorry for walking out. I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry for being a shit boyfriend" You brought your thumb up to his cheek, wiping the tear that had fallen.

"You're not a shit boyfriend, Mason. Sure you're an idiot at times, but you're not a shit boyfriend. Not even close" He stayed silent for a bit before speaking once more.

"I love you, Y/n"

"And I love you, Mase" You smiled at him. After all, you still loved him even if he was an idiot. You hadn't stopped loving him because of what he did.

"Now get some rest. We'll talk about this tomorrow, and you're gonna be extremely hungover" You kissed his forehead as you spoke, but he didn't acknowledge it. He'd already fallen asleep.

#✎ natalie writes #mason mount #mason mount angst #mason mount fluff #mason mount x reader #mason mount x y/n #mason mount x you #mason mount fanfic #mason mount imagine

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yumiis · 4 months

Note

i was wondering if you could do nick x reader with reader being in denial/oblivious to nick's flirting with them. like they take it as a joke every time bc they don't think someone would ever be in love with them/like them?

YESS i love this trope you've found my soft spot

｡ﾟﾟ･｡･ﾟﾟ｡ﾟ。 are you seeing anyone? ; nick

　ﾟ･｡･ﾟ

genre; hurt/comfort, fluff

type; drabble

read below!

Nick wanted you to be his. Super badly. However, every time he made a move, you'd just laugh it off or ignore him completely. It really upset him, but he wouldn't give up on you that easily.

You'd always been the one asked out as a joke, flirted with as a joke, it was always 'ask out Y/n as a joke!'. It absolutely killed your self esteem. It also caused you to not ever dare to reciprocate feelings to anyone, because you knew it would always be too good to be true. Nick included. You figured it was some inside joke with all the guys.

Your phone repeatedly buzzed, Nick's contact appearing on the screen. You slid over to the answer button, "Hello?.." He smiled as you answered, "Y/n! I was worried I wouldn't get ahold of you. Do you wanna do something today? I'm free, the rest of the guys are out." You were floored. This had to be a joke. "Uhh.." You thought for a minute. What could the harm really be? "Sure. What'd you wanna go do?" He smiled widely to himself, finally! He'd get to be alone with you and show you that he really does care, and he's not flirting with you as some cruel joke.

"We could just go to the mall or like, a museum or something? Just to hang out. And uh, don't worry about money! That's on me." He spoke smoothly, no hesitation in his voice whatsoever. You took a deep breath, not knowing what to expect. "O.. Okay. Gotcha. I'll be ready soon then? I can drive over and meet you at the house." He shook his head, "Nah, I'll drive over to you. Be there in thirty!"

In almost exactly thirty minutes time, Nick was knocking on your door. You flattened your shirt, answering the door. "Hey!.." You softly smiled at Nick, noticing he wasn't wearing anything too fancy. "Hey! You look nice. Nicer than me at least, heh." You chuckled a little, "Yeah, heheh.." You were trying your hardest to accept that maybe this wasn't a joke, but it was hard. "Well, you ready? I got all my shit in the car. The mall doesn't close 'til about 8, so we got time!" You nodded, "Ye— yeah!"

You guys spent about an hour or two at the mall, shopping around. Nick threw out some compliments and offered to buy you so much, but you had to decline almost every time. You just felt too guilty if you took that much money from him. He insisted on at least buying you lunch, to which you said was fine.

"So, Y/n," He started as he ate his chicken sandwich, "Are you seeing anyone?" Your face and body went cold, "Huh?" You were confused why he was asking you that. You knew it. This was all some ruse set up by the boys to make a fool out of you. "Like, are you going out with anyone?" You slowly shook your head, "Uhm, no, I uh.. I guess not." Nick looked a little sad, "You wouldn't consider this seeing eachother?" He nonchalantly asked you. You perked up. "I— Oh! Oh, uhm!.."

Nick tilted his head, "Or if you don't like me in that way and i'm taking this wrong that's fine! Just tell me that, because I know you kinda ignore or laugh off any time I make like.. any flirtatious comment.." He smiled sheepishly. You sighed, "No, it's not like that.. I, uh, I do like you like that. I was just like," You paused for a second, waving your hands around a little, "Bullied in school. So I was always the one that was asked out as a joke." He stared at you in awe. "I thought this was all some joke."

"This was never a joke," He placed his hand on top of yours, "Me liking you was never a joke. The guys were really all out today, they all actually really want me to start seeing you. They all really like you, dude." You smiled softly, looking back at Nick. "So? Are you seeing anyone?"

"... Yeah. Yeah, I guess I am."

#alex's writing #anon.txt #tgc x reader #tgc #tgc x you #tgc x y/n #the group chat #the group chat x y/n #the group chat x you #the group chat x reader #softwilly #softwilly x you #softwilly x y/n #softwilly x reader

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thineferalrats · 3 months

Text

a/n- Hiiiiii, I got this idea of you patching Frank up , but your son walks in and he finds out you have one and Frank feels bad because he feels like he’s puting you a now even a little boy in danger by just being near you two fluff/angst 🫴

warning: uhh ig just sad and frank crying idfk 🫶

————————————————

3rd person pov:

You grabbed the first aid kit out of the dining room counter, as Frank sits on the dinning room chair you, you where used to patching Frank up in odd hours of the night, you hated seeing him beat up like this, you hated not knowing if some blood on him was his own or someone else’s

, “here drink this” you said handing him a bottle of his favorite beer that you always kept in your fridge for him, he nodded at you as a thank you before opening it, you grabbed your needle and stitching materials to clean and tend to a stab wound on his side. Frank took off his shirt to give you access to the wound, you got on one knee in front of him and began to stitch him up, he winced from the pain. “What happen this time” you asked him not taking your eyes off stitching the wound, “eh some guy at a bar” he replies obviously not telling you the truth, because he believes “the less you know the better”. “I wish you’d be honest with me” you say under your breath but just loud enough Frank could make out what you said, he lets out a sigh “you know why I don’t”,

you snip the end of the stitches and stand up, before you can answer you hear a little voice from the end of the stairs “mommy?” Your son Milo says you turn around to see him holding his teddy bear and wearing his shark pjs rubbing his eyes, Frank looks at you confused, “hey sharky, what ya doing up this late little man” you walk up to him and get down to his level giving your son a soft warm smile, “I couldn sleep” Milo replies, you brush some hair out of his face “alright baby, be up in a minute to tuck you in and read you a story, run back up to your room for now why I help my friend out” you say and Milo nods and turns around and waddle walks back up the stairs and you walk back over to Frank he has a nervous look on his face

“you have a kid?!” He asks you with a surprised tone, you where concerned about the his nervous look, “yeah, you normally come over when he’s fast asleep upstairs or at daycare” you say as you start grabbing stuff to clean off the dried blood around the wound you stitched up, “uh, he’s um, how old is he” Frank asks, you turn to face him “he’s 4” you smile softly, bending down to see the wound on his side as u start cleaning it, frank smiles, something you don’t see very often but god he looks so handsome when he douse, “why didn’t you tell me?” Frank asks lookin down at his hands something obviously bothering him

, “I didn’t think to, you don’t come by during exactly “normal” hours” you say standing up putting the used cleaning supplies in the trash, frank says nothing and looks at the floor obviously thinking about something, he starts moving his hands around a bit which is only something he douse when scared or nervous, you look at him “Frank, what’s wrong” you ask standing in front of him “nothing” he replies coldly, obviously not telling the truth again, you let out a sigh, moving down to be face to face with him, “Frankie, please be honest with me I can something’s bothering you, I know you don’t like to talk about stuff but please talk to me, I wanna help” you grab both of his hands and he looks up at you for a good second before he lets out a sighs and looks down a little not making eye contact with you anymore, “just man, I, um, not only I’m I just putting you in danger being here I’m putting that little boy in danger, and man I don’t wanna do that, I don’t wanna put people I love in danger again, innocent people man, not-, just not again.” He says his voice cracking at the end a tears forming in his eyes, you’d never seen Frank be this open with you or emotional at that, you feel bad for him, “hey, Frankie I’m not in danger, Milo’s not in danger, where all safe, we have you to protect us, where all safe nothing bad is gonna happen to us I promise you, everything is gonna be alright Frankie” you say in a comforting voice, giving franks hand a reassuring squeeze, Frank pushes you hands away “yeah how you know that?! What if I can’t protect you and I- I fail like I did with” he says raising his voice but becoming more quite near the end his voice breaking before finishing his sentence saying “Maria” under his breath, “listen you had no control that day with what happened to Maria and the kids, you didn’t fail you tried your best, even if your not here to protect me and Milo I can damn well defend myself, nothings gonna happen, I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere nor is Milo” you reply trying to comfort him, you where never good at comforting people, so this was a challenge for sure but you where trying your best.

His breathing starts to pick up and he stands up abruptly and walks around the kitchen before throwing the beer bottle in his hand and leaning against the wall, you jump at the sound of the glass breaking, you see tears running down franks face, “I- I don’t wanna lose you- fuck, nothing I do is ever good enough” he says as he sinks down to the floor tears now streaming down his face, your heart breaks of the almost never emotional guy you loved now breaking down on your kitchen floor, you walks over and get on the ground with him and bring him in for a hug he crys in your arms, “Frankie, everything you do is good enough don’t ever talk like that, your not gonna lose me ever, I promise” you reply trying your best to comfort him he still grabs onto you tightly as if he where to let go you’d slip away he grabs at the back of your shirt crying on your shoulder, you slowly rubb his back, giving him the once in awhile kiss on the forehead, after about 15 minutes his crying has slowed down, “hey you can have some old clothes upstairs, you can sleep here tonight” you say and he moves to get up and you both walk upstairs, as he’s changing you tuck Milo in but he’s sleepy so he falls right to sleep

you walk out of Milo’s room and into yours, he gos to leave the room “where you going” you ask confused, he looks back at you confused “uhh to the couch” he points down to the couch, you look down a little “I was wondering if you wanna sleep in my bed tonight, we can cuddle or something i don’t know sorry” you reply, he smirks a bit and nods “sure why not” you both get into bed and you lay your head on his chest, “I’m sorry for earlier I was being stupid” Frank says as he draws shapes on you back, “don’t apologize your ok, I’m glad you opened up to me tho” you smile, he kisses your forehead,

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A/n: I got super tired near the end I’m so sorry, I’ll right some kinda smut to make up for this sadness, side note this is my first angst or anything sad ish thing I’m sorry if it’s horrible idk, if you have any tips PLS share

#frank castle x reader #light angst #fluff #mom reader #frank castle x you #frank castle

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rsedits9420 · 1 year

Note

being drunk with eddy and he’s all clingy and sweet

One too many

Masterlist

Ethan Edwards x reader blurb

Sry it’s pretty short

Word count: 652

Y/n’s pov

“I’m going to get another. You want one?” Ethan asked me. I nod as he goes and gets us another drink. The boys had just won the last game of the weekend to sweep Penn State. My boyfriend Ethan played amazing. He assisted on Grano’s goal in the first and then scored a goal in the third. They ended up beating the other team by 3 to add to their win column. I had to give them credit. After all they have faced this year, such as the illnesses, injuries, and of course the many penalties. They still somehow managed to pull all of this off. I was mostly proud of my wonderful boyfriend. He has worked so hard over the summer, and now it’s all playing off. That's how he convinces me to go out to the party with him. He claims it’s his “time to let loose”. Power to the man i guess. “Here, there’s yours.” He hands me back my solo cup. “Thank you Eddy.” I say back. “No problem. Hey come on let’s go see what Duker and Stops are doing.” He says. I follow him to the other room to be met with the sight of Dylan trying to jump onto Mark’s shoulders. “I can’t do it!” Dylan shouts. “How much do you think these idiots have had to drink?” Ethan whispers in my ear. “It looks like apparently to much.” I say back. “Just jump dumb ass!” Mark yells at Dylan. Dylan jumps and ends up knocking Mark right into a wall. “Damit! Dylan! What the fuck!” Mark shouts. “Yeah, let’s go get a refill.” Ethan says as he puts his hand on my lower back to lead me to the kitchen.

After about 2 hours and maybe one to many drinks, me and Ethan find ourselves sitting on the guy’s front porch swing. “You know I love you so soooo much right?” Ethan slurs. “Yes baby. I know.” I responded. “Come here!” He says as he ticks me under his arm. “You smell so-o good.” “Uhh thanks?” I say. “I lov-ve you-uu.” He slurs out. He then starts to lay his head in my lap. “Can you play with my hair? Pwetty pwlease.” He says, batting his eyelashes. “Ok you big baby.” “Ahhhh. Thank you-u!” I giggled at how clingy he gets when he’s drunk. “How much did you drink Eddy?” I ask. “U-m I donno. Probably way to-o much.” He slurs back. “Well we should probably get you back home then. Shouldn’t we?” He nods and tries to lift himself up. His hand slips and he ends up back in my lap. “Oh ok. Here I’m going to get up, go get the keys, and I’ll meet you back out here so we can leave.”I say. He nods.

I get up and walk back into the house. I look around at the house, seeing fewer people than last time, but know the people still here are plastered. Dylan and Mackie are going on about something, while Mark is trying to impress some girl while being totally shitfaced. I quickly find my keys, and slip out of the house. When I walk back onto the porch, Ethan is still on the swing, but now he seems sad. “Babe, what's wrong?” I ask. “Y/n! You didn’t leave me?!” He was surprised. “Eddy, I told you I was going to get the keys. Come on. I’m taking you home.” I told him. He gets up, follows behind me to the car. “Did I ever tell you I love you so much?” He asked. “Yes yes you did. And I love you so so much too.” He smiles and gets into the car. I ended up taking my hotshot hockey player boyfriend home, and put him to bed. Who knew he was so clingy when he had one too many.

#hockey #michigan #michigan hockey #umich boys #umich wolverines #umich hockey #ethan edwards

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mins-fins · 11 months

Text

totally not in love — park hanbin

taking y/n out to drink on his birthday was definitely a mistake.

it has been thirty minutes and hanbin has now lost him. he's been looking everywhere for him, fucking hell why did hanbin #1 have to go all out for y/n's birthday and rent this huge ass house!?

i mean— of course y/n deserved to have an all out birthday but hanbin might as well be stuck in a circus with how many people are around and how none of them look like y/n.

after thirty minutes of walking, asking, searching, and smelling the horrible breath of drunk college students, hanbin considers giving up, until he hears the familiar voice.

"hanbinie! my lovely!" a drunk y/n giggles as he stumbles towards him. hanbin catches him as he looks like he's about to fall. "i missed you, i was looking for you with the puppy looking boy".

"you mean gyuvin?"

"pfft—!" y/n breaks into a boisterous amount of laughter. hanbin stares at him like he's crazy, a small smile coming to his face as he notices how different y/n looks compared to when he first arrived no more than four hours ago. "yeah, that's what i said! the puppy boy!"

"y/n your drunk".

"no i'm not" he slurs his words, he giggles again as he sees hanbin's face. "you can ask my husband, lee seunghwan".

"lee seunghwan?" hanbin chuckles, raising an eyebrow. "your married to lee seunghwan?"

"yep!" y/n nods like it's common knowledge. "we live on a farm and we have seventeen cats!"

"is one of them named after hoshi?"

"yeah!"

y/n sighs dreamily, humming and doing a victory dance as if he's actually married to seunghwan. "we raised all of them together too, true story".

"that's nice, who were you with before again?"

y/n hums. "uh.. hanbin numéro uno, my biggest hater hao, woohyun oppa, puppy boy, and um uhh… edward cullen?"

hanbin laughs at those words, already being able to identify whose who with those descriptions. "also man in love! i don't know who he's in love with but he was there for a moment!"

"um.. okay, let me call your brother, he'll know what to do—"

"you don't have to!" y/n whines, a pout coming to his face. "i'm 21! i'm practically an adult! you can't call my brother!"

y/n pushes hanbin away and crosses his arms, stomping his feet for a moment. "y/n—"

"i don't wanna go home!" he shouts, pouting like a little kid who just got told they had to leave the playground. "take me to my husband!"

"your husband is probably trying to dive off the roof right now.."

hanbin jumps, immediately being met with the sight of kim taerae beside him. taerae does not look that drunk, which makes sense, because he has to drive junhyeon, jeonghyeon, and junghyun home after all of this is over.

"what happened to him?"

"i don't know, he spent like- a whole hour attached to seunghwan, i think he was actually convinced that they have seventeen cats together and live on a farm together".

"and i'm pretty sure he named one of them after his seventeen bias".

"i wanna kiss someone" y/n randomly states, and hanbin takes in a deep breath. "we should go find my husband, his name is lee seunghwan, we have seventeen children together".

"i thought you said cats".

"cats are children".

y/n states that like it's a fact. hanbin quickly grabs onto him before he decides to run away. "okay, your not gonna kiss anyone, y/n, you're way too drunk for this".

"what?" he pouts like he's sad once again. "your jealous i won't kiss you, hanbin numéro dos?" he asks, grabbing onto both of his arms and staring up into his eyes like he's so enamored by him.

"y/n—"

"will you turn into a frog if i kiss you?"

taerae snorts, covering his mouth with his hand as the words are so funny yet are asked in such a serious manner. "i'm sorry, hanbin" he says in a giggle. "i have to— i have to go find junhyeon, i have to take him home but, uh.. have fun".

"can i kiss you hanbin numéro dos?"

"no, you're too drunk to know what your saying".

"so if i was less drunk would you kiss me?"

y/n is now staring at him like he's the love of his life, and though hanbin would like to kiss him, he doesn't want to kiss y/n while he's like this. he knows y/n isn't being honest, for fucks sake he thinks he's married to lee seunghwan and living on a farm with seventeen cats, hanbin won't kiss him like this.

"y/n, your not getting kissed right now".

"aww" y/n whines, surprisingly pulling hanbin into a hug. "i'm 21, i need to have my cinderella moment".

"maybe later y/n".

y/n pulls away from the hug, staring at hanbin for a moment before he starts tearing up. the older immediately panics, watching as y/n now has tears running down his face.

"i— what.. why are you crying?"

"you don't like me?" he asks in tears, a small pout coming to his face as he stares at hanbin again. "i thought you liked me.."

"hey! don't cry!" hanbin exclaims, wiping y/n's tears with his thumb. "i— i do like you! i just can't kiss you while your this drunk, y/n, your mind isn't in the right place!"

y/n giggles, though still emotional. "i can't believe you decided to break my heart on my own birthday" he pulls hanbin into another hug.

"i didn't break your heart".

"you did! hanbin numéro uno would never do that!"

"what about the seventeen cats?"

"they're still my kids, don't be mistaken".

"okay y/n, let me take you home" hanbin states, and y/n does something between a nod and a shake of the head. he simply lets hanbin take his hand as he stumbles with every step.

"can i say goodbye to my husband first?"

"your husband who you just tried to cheat on with me".

"shut up i just wanted to see if you would turn into a frog!"

#park hanbin #boys planet #boys planet imagines #boys planet drabbles #park hanbin imagines #park hanbin x reader #boys planet scenarios #𑁍 ࣪˖ 𓂃 isa's works!

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nneon-leonn · 1 year

Note

hey I'm sending this ask to a couple different blogs that contain rottmnt fictives!

fave songs? Im trying to make rottmnt playlists that dont suck and I find fictives to be a ✨amazing resource✨

hey my dude!

not fully outta hiatus BUT this is a fun question SO

ok most of my alters are massive metalheads, so whenever I get to choose my music is AWESOME

however because of that I really dont know a lot of songs haha

my favourite stuff right now is the Greatest Showman soundtrack! i love singing to it bc its a lot of fun (some of my favs are the Other Side, Million Dreams, This is Me, and Never Enough.)

You Give Love a Bad Name by Bon Jovi is fucking BANGER my dude

I also love Watch Over You by Alterbridge, but thats kind of a sad boy hour song so might not fit your playlist's vibe psh

Planetary (GO!) and SING by My Chemical Romance go hard

uhh what else lets see

This is How I Disappear, My Chemical Romance

also help i'm starting to dig Hamilton music so there's that

anyways, yeah! hope this helps! a lot of my music is influenced by my alter's prior knowledge, and i havent had a lot of time to explore my taste, but this is my jam! sorry if its kinda all over the place pff

perhaps soemday ill share a playlist of mine... hmmm

#leon answers 😎😎#rise leo fictive #rottmnt fictive #rottmnt leo #rottmnt #leonardo fictive #fictive #system

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iknaenmal · 1 year

Note

how's the project going

IM ASSUMING THIS IS ABT NGE because i dont know what else it could be??? Anyways thoughts incoming

FIRST OF ALL shinji is still my best friend and i will die and kill for him....... Why is he so sad btw why like. What happened to him !!!! Why is this 14 year old boy so depressed !!!! They showed me the same flashback three times and i do not understand what happened 👍

SECOND of all so. Remember those four characters whom i described. Yeah well only one of them appeared ((shinji)) WELL rei id also there but she barely did anything.. shes cute also i like her 🥺 i still havent seen the vriska kinnie nor the transgender vampire though

Uhhh what else OH YEAH misato and the other girl the. The scientist?????? Yeah those are so gay for each other sorry i dont make the rules

AND the other guy who. Whose sister almost died or something yeah hes also gay

THE INTRO....... A CRUEL ABGELS THESIS OR WHATEVRR ITS CALLED....... i want to listen to it on loop thirty hours a day

And thats all i think yeah !! I havent watched THAT much just like. Uhh 5 episodes???? Also my father had already watched it a long time ago so. Theres that yeah

#nge #BLASTING MY THOUGHTS HERE sorry for rambling 😔#ikna answers #anon #long post

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dratoba · 1 year

Text

"Reunion"

Its been months in the boiling isles. Months since the kids have gone missing. No one knew what happened to them. Darius, Raine, and Eberwolf have been sneaking around for so long. They kept in touch with everyone else but not too much. The collector had taken over the entire boiling isles. It was extremely dangerous to be outside. If he spotted you you'd be a doll in his playhouse. It was a normal...ish day in Darius's home. When he heard knocking on her door.

"Eber cut it out. St- Raine can you handle that?" He went to open the door and when he did he was a little confused. There was a tan woman with dark brown hair, dark brown eyes, glasses, looked about in her early 40s and was a few inches away from being to Darius's shoulders. "Uhh...Hello? Can I help you?" The woman had her hand behind her back as if she was protecting something. "Oh yes are you Darius?" Now he was curious but weirded out "I am. Why do you ask."

She didn't respond but she smiled. Her hand was in sight and Darius let his guard down a little. What he saw left him speechless. A boy not a stranger came into the sight. He was a dirty blonde with longer hair. He had brown eyes? There was scars everywhere on his body. He was missing his little bird friend though. What's strange is that the bird is always with him. He also had a small spark left in his eyes but it seemed that was completely gone "Hunter?" "You're not dead..thank titan" Darius smiled a little "Not yet, what happened?" For some reason Hunter's expression changed a little.

"I'll explain! Is there a room Hunter can rest in?" "Oh yeah. Raine? oh my- Raine!" Raine came restraining Eberwolf. "We seriously need to get a cage for this th-" They were stunned. They would've gone in for a hug if they were holding a beast. "Can you show him to the guest room? I'll take Eber" Raine snapped out of it. "Oh ahem yeah of course. C'mon" Darius got Eberwolf with abominations as Raine took Hunter to the room. He was completely sure if he could trust this woman but Hunter seemed to trust her and it takes a lot for him to trust you.

"Come in" She walked into the former coven's head huge house. They both went into the living room and sat. "Explain" "Of course. Umm there's a lot to explain" So she explained. Just in case you forgot i'll give you a recap, They got stuck in the human realm, The hexsquad wanted to do something nice for Luz, They found titan blood, Belos was alive the whole time and again made Hunter think he was crazy, He possessed Hunter leaving him multiple scars, Flapjack was severely injured, Hunter sacrificed himself, He died but flapjack sacrificed himself to allow Hunter to come back and get Belos out, Belos is back in the boiling isles.

"That fucking bastard i'm going to rip him apart." Darius found out that the woman's name was Camila. "We'll get to that but first we need to keep a close eye on Hunter he might..y'know" That made Darius feel horrible. Had he gone back to his horrible mentality? "He was happy there wasn't him?" Camila frowned "Yeah, very happy. He was a little sad but only when he was alone" "Being alone makes him think. He doesn't enjoy it" This was bad. This meant that Hunter didn't fully lose that part of himself. He just tried doing something he never did.

Look for the positive and latch onto that to make himself happy. Now there is no positive. Not for him at least. (The rest of this part will be dialogue)"What were you to him before?" "Hm?" "He wanted to be here with you so obviously you're important to him" "Oh, we've known each other since he was 2. I occasionally took care of him" "That's nice.....he's safe here isn't he?" "I wouldn't let anything happen to him" Camila smiled "Then i'm not needed here anymore. Tell him I left please" Darius nodded and opened the door for her.

She left. That was about 5 hours ago. Hunter hasn't came out of the room. Raine and Eberwolf went to the owl house to see the others. "Should we go check on him?" It worried Raine that Hunter had not came out of the room at all. There was also no noise coming from the room. "No he needs space." If Darius hadn't moved all sharp objects from the room he would've agreed on checking on him.

PT 2 COMING SOON

#the owl house #toh #toh hunter #sad boy #another day another slay #dadrius #dana terrace #toh eberwolf #trauma #flapjack #toh s3 spoilers #suidical

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the-wereraven · 2 years

Text

Stray Game Thought-Log Part 2

Playtime: 4 hours

*psyches myself up to fight the Zurks*

*looks at eyes on the walls* Creepy bastards

Okay imma get rid of the zurks in my way, should work...

Okay, button time

Fuck you eyes

RUN CAT RUN

AIYEEEE GO AWAY ALL OF YOU AAAAAA

OPEN THE DOOR OPEN THE DOOR

JUMP JUMP JUMP

I'M THROUGH

I LITERALLY PLAYED FOR LDSS THEN 10 MINITES WHY AM I SHAKING

ADRENALINE PLS

STOP LOOKING AT ME WITH THOSE BIG OL' EYES

FUCK YOU EYES

WHAT THE FUCK

MUSIC STOP THAT

WHAT THE FUCK

I DON'T WANNA GO NEAR THAT

GOD DO I HAVE TO DESTROY IT WHAT IS THIS RESIDENT EVIL

UHH LET’S GO I GUESS

FUCK IS THIS A BOSS FIGHT

EW DON'T OPEN

B-12 WHAT THE FUCK

YEAH LET’S GET OUT OF HERE

FUCK IT'S A CHASE SEQUENCE

HOLY SHIT I MADE IT WITHIUT DYING

God B-12 you're not dead are you?

What do I do?

Imma keep pawing you I guess

Oh hey that worked!

What do you mean the Defluxor is destroyed

B-12

THAT WAS OUR ONLY WEAPON

SHIT

Anon said we don't really have to deal with them now so we should be good right?

Right?

*stares down the sewer hall* Yeah fuck that

GASP THE OUTSIDER SYMBOL

Ohh Zurk on a skewer

FRIEND?

Oh I'm needed

B-12 you were what

Holy shit

*gets B-12 lore bombed* :0

Zbaltazar that's an... interesting set up

Aww thanks Zbaltazar :D

B-12 it's okay dude, existential crisis is hard

The robot asked a cat if his poem was too solemn I can't-

Creeture scritch scratch your couch

Okay Isaac

Scritch scratch the carpet

THEY ARE PLAYING MAHJONG!!!!

That's a lot of wins

I want to jump on the mahjong... but... I won't...

I didn't know there are 900 shades of white actually

NO MUMUCH I'M SORRY DON'T BE SAD

Oh you're happy again

Sores the stain on your shawl implies you were sitting there when the paint fell

Can I get back up if I jump in the bucket?

Eh, better not test it

Actually there aren't anymore Zurks... collectibles?

MMMMMMM

Nah

Heloooo? Anyone down there

Oh there's robots down there!

Yeah I'll head down why not

Ohh I got folowr! :D

Who likes flowers?

*knocks a bunch of bottles into the trash pit*

May you like flowers?

Oh I can't give you anything

Alexander?

Aw Alex ):

Maybe Clementine would like flowers

Welp, off I go then

WAIT ZBALTAZAR you want flowers?

No? Okay-

A gardener?

OH I can give the flower to you!

Yellow and purple huh?

Where am I?

Heh, ramenj45

Where am I?

Oh hi again Zbaltazar

SWING

Yes cat sleep

I SEE THE PURPLE FLOWERS

Oh the yellow flowers? But how do I get there?

Am I close?

No-

I'm trying Malo

Where am I?

Not here-

Oh! Got it!

A badge for me! :D

What is this dark tunnel to nowhere

Oh a tunnel to Midtown

A train station?

*walking through the station* Coyotes tip toe in the snow after dark...

Ew so much thrash

Sir?

Hmm

Huh? A police drone?

*translates wanted poster* Uh oh...

Cassette tape...

AH sorry :(

Uhh no thanks I don't want to get in trouble with the police right now

SIR EXCUSE ME? I AM A CAT YOU SHOULD FEEL GRATEFUL THAT I RUBBED AGAINST YOU

Unbelievable

Hi dudes!

See they like me! You Sentinels are stupid

*checks picture address* Uhh

Should be here, but it's blocked?

Hmm

Oh I can hop in

CLEMENTINE WAIT-

Hey! A small recruit is still a recruit

Oh boy an infiltration quest

Ohh what a cozy place up hare

Bomber jacket and gold chain... the fashion robot?

Nope

*sees that I can steal a jacket* Oh... Do I wanna...?

Bomber jacket gold chain...

Oh there's a bar!

Sire your face is upside down

Oh that's why-

Aw the bartender is nice :D

*accidentally knocks down a bowl* AHH I'M SORRY

Uh moving on

Oh wow you're wasted, how do I wake you?

*about to push down a whole box of bottles onto them* :)

Steal worker hat?

...will my actions have consequences?

God where is this dude? Must I steal to get to him?

Okay, I'll get those cams

Haha, suckers

Yeah dance funky robot! :D

Oohh loud music huh?

Hmm :)

Wow that is loud

GET THE JACKET AND GO BEFORE HE SEES US

Okay hat time

*steals hat* Okay now what?

Yes I wanna be a cat worker

WAIT IT'S YOU!!

Your name is Blazer?? Really??

Goddammit you were hiding behind a newspaper

Already got your stuff bud :3

Is it okay for me jump out?

Uh oh, stealth mission

How did I not get caught I was in the light? I think?

Where to go from here...?

*running* HE HE HE

*gets caught in the light* SHIIIIT JUST GO JUST GO

*hides in a box* ...? Yes, got away with it

Oohh puzzles

Bucket ride!

More stealth? You're on!

Puzzle

Nightclub huh?

Go in from the back?

Oh hi! Thanks for letting me in

*spends 5 minutes figuring out what to do*

Good relationship with the Sentinels?

BLAZER YOU FUCKER

WHAT DID YOU DO?!

BITCH??

WHERE THE FUCK

I'M A CAT HOW DARE YOU IMPRISON ME

Son of a bitch

What the fuck are they doing in this place?

Oh god there are dead people here

CLEMENTINE

Shit I can't understand you now

Oh the key, yes

Come on Clementine let's go

B-12!! CLEMENTINE MY FRIEND

Sneak sneak sneak *gets caught*

Sneak sneak sneak *almost gets caught*

B-12! :D

Oh boy...

Sneak sneak sneak *traps a bunch of drones*

BOOKIN IT BOOKIN IT

WEEE

Wait, CLEMENTINE??

NOOO CLEMENTINE

I'LL DO THIS FOR YOU CLEMENTINE

*stands in the train contemplating life*

Hello?

Oh man you guys are... robotic :|

B-12 you're technically not a human so...

Hehe scritch scratch the wires

Turn on the system?? You realize I'm a cat?

OHH *walks on keyboards*

Hmm, alrighty

Scritch scratch the wires hehe

Intruder alert? Uhhh crap-

B-12?

B-12?!

NOOO

NO WAIT B-12

I actually cried a bit yeah

At least everyone else is okay but... B-12 ):

DAMN IT WHERE'S MY FAMILY

#stray #stray game #stray spoilers #wereraven's stray thoughts

8 notes · View notes

stylesparker · 2 years

Note

CONGRATS KYLEE 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

Promt: the 3 Peter's are crashing at Peter 1s apartment. After washing their suits they can't tell which is which

🤎🤎🤎 congrats again :]

sorry this took so freaking long I wanted this to be cute🥹 also May never died because I said so

“Have you guys ever washed the suit?” Peter 3 asks the other two as they step into Peter 1’s apartment and trail mud and dirt behind them. It’s cozy, not something you’d think to use for a teenage boys apartment, but it is. There’s plants in every corner and textbooks everywhere, and 2 and 3 take notice of MJ in a picture frame near the door.

“Uhh..” Peter 2 contemplates, “I think I have before. Maybe not.. a lot, but I have.”

“You’ve never washed your suit, dude,” Peter 1 asks, “Man, my aunt used to wash it all the time, now I-” he coughs to cover up the sadness in his voice, “It became a habit.”

Peter 3 laughs awkwardly, realizing he’s put himself in a bit of a situation. He looks down at the suit in his hand, picking it up to sniff, and he thinks he’s about to cry. Peter 2 waves his hand and leads himself through the youngest ones apartment.

“It’s fine, just start now! Cmon boys, chuck em’ in there.”

“When have you ever talked like that!” Peter 1 questions, but the oldest gives him a quick glare and he rolls his eyes, throwing his own in there.

Around a couple hours later the beeps signal the end of the wash, and Peter 2 goes in there to take them out. He lays them out on the small rack the youngin has for himself, but not a split second later, he realizes what’s happened.

“Guys?! You might want to come here!” He sounds panicked, and the other two come running.

“What is it?”

“Did you hit your head again?”

Peter 2 grunts, “Shut up. Look at the suits.”

All three pairs of eyes stare at the suits in front of them, the two who just came in not realizing it very quickly, but then it hits them.

“Why do they all look the same..” Peter 3 starts.

“Why are they darker…”

The three of them exchange a glance and collectively groan all together.

Peter 1 glares at the oldest, “If I can’t even fit my ass into one of those goddamn suits, you’re done.”

“Yeah! You’re done!”

“SHUT IT, PETER 3!”

#peter 3 is fav #1.5k follower celebration!

3 notes · View notes

fearresurrected · 2 months

Text

hoo boy I haven't been tagged by one of these things in so long haha. I never tag anyone because I don't want to bug ppl but if you wanna do it I definitely tagged you. ;)

First 10 songs on my Spotify On Repeat playlist:

I Saw Fire - TARO

wasn't trying to love you - Like Saturn

Dark Room - Foreign Figures. Jonny T

Not Today - Unlike Pluto

More Than I Remember You - Unlike Pluto

Julia Fox. - EMM

Fragile Skin of Me - Unlike Pluto

FOLLOW ME - GEN.KLOUD

Speak in Tongues - machineheart

Hell Replied - Grey

yes nearly half of this list is by the same group/artist. don't judge me. ; ___ ;

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

LAST SONG: unamerican beauty - HXVRMXN Remix

CURRENTLY WATCHING: uhhh nothing? in terms of a series anyway. I've been into documentaries lately I guess haha. last I watched was Hell Camp: Teen Nightmare. before that was the Rael series, before that was Escaping Twin Flames, etc.

THREE SHIPS: hmmm yeah I'm not into a lot of well known ships. mostly I just ship my OCs with friends' OCs haha. uhh as far as fandom, right now I'm back into Fallout so Gage/Sole Survivor (mine is usually male). uhhh Tali & Kal/Reegar is an underrated one that I adore. also idk why but like... maybe I was talking about it recently or maybe because I've been into the 40s/50s aesthetic hard again but Carol and Therese will forever live in my head rent free. ; u ; ❤

FAVORITE COLOR: cyan I guess? it's hard because I rarely like a single color by itself, I usually prefer color schemes.

CURRENTLY CONSUMING: uhhh still haven't finished the iced coffee I started 4 hours ago... whoops...

FIRST SHIP: that was... so long ago... rip. I think maybe Chris x Wesker??

PLACE OF BIRTH: California

CURRENT LOCATION: still California...

RELATIONSHIP STATUS: hahaha oh cute meme turned sad when I face that I am still alone. rip. (((;

LAST MOVIE: Godzilla: King of the Monsters lolol. sometimes you just have to watch a big monster fuck shit up idk.

CURRENTLY WORKING ON: trying to make $$ from commissions/designs because times are TOUGH and I am unemployed big sigh.

0 notes

pesterloglog · 6 months

Text

Tavros Nitram, Jade Harley, Vriska Serket

Act 5, page 3049-3066

-- adiosToreador [AT] began trolling gardenGnostic [GG] --

AT: hEEEY, jADE,

GG: oh hi!

GG: i remember you, you talked to me a lot in my dreams

AT: yEAH, bUT NOW i'M TALKING TO YOU BEING AWAKE,

AT: bECAUSE,

AT: yOUR ROBOT CAN'T TYPE,

AT: bECAUSE IT HAD AN EXPLOSION,

GG: yup!

GG: thats because my dream self died

GG: pretty catastrophically!

AT: aW, nO, i'M DEFINITELY PRETTY SORRY TO HEAR THAT,

GG: thanks, but i think im ok

GG: i felt pretty shaken up at first though

AT: yES, i DID TOO,

AT: i SPENT SO LONG SLEEPING AND DREAMING AND PLAYING ON PROSPIT,

AT: tHAT BEING AWAKE WAS MADE TO FEEL WEIRD, aND i DIDN'T LIKE IT FOR A WHILE,

GG: yeah i have done a lot of sleeping myself :)

AT: oH, yES, i KNOW, bUT,

AT: i SAW YOU, yOU WERE AWAKE A LOT TOO,

AT: aFTER A CERTAIN MOMENT, i SPENT JUST ABOUT EVERY WAKING HOUR BEING ASLEEP,

GG: wow why did you sleep so much???

AT: iT WAS JUST A BETTER WAY TO BE, mORE PEACEFUL AND FUN AND,

AT: i GUESS,

AT: tHERE WAS SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED THAT WAS INCREDIBLY TERRIBLE,

AT: aND SAD,

AT: aND MADE ME FEEL TERRIBLE AND SAD AND SLEEPY, sO i SLEPT, a LOT,

GG: oh no what happened that was so terrible?

AT: i'D PREFER,

AT: tHAT THE THING i WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT NOT TURN INTO THAT TOPIC,

GG: ok sorry for prying!

GG: what did you want to talk about?

AT: i WANTED TO ASK YOU PERMISSION,

AT: i WOULD HAVE ASKED PERMISSION THE FIRST TIME,

AT: bUT AT THE TIME YOU WERE NOT ABLE TO GIVE IT, oR TALK OR ANYTHING,

GG: permission for what?

AT: tO COMMUNE WITH YOUR LUSUS,

GG: with bec?

GG: uh....

GG: what do you mean by commune?

GG: and

GG: what do you mean the first time!

GG: you did it before?

AT: yEAH,

AT: iT MEANS TO TALK TO HIM, aND, sUGGEST HE DO SOMETHING WHICH IS GOOD,

AT: fOR HIM, aND ALSO FOR PEOPLE HE LIKES,

GG: ohhh

GG: like a psychic power??

AT: yES,

GG: pretty sweet!

GG: when did you do it before?

AT: oH, vERY RECENTLY, pERSONALLY SPEAKING,

AT: bUT FOR YOU IT WAS VERY LONG AGO,

AT: aND, iT WAS A REALLY GOOD EXAMPLE i THINK,

AT: oF EXACTLY WHY WIGGLERS SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO DUAL WIELD FLINTLOCK PISTOLS,

GG: hehe what?

AT: sO, i DID THE LIBERTY OF COMMUNING WITH YOUR LUSUS,

AT: wHICH i HOPE WASN'T OUT OF LINE,

AT: bUT LIKE i SAID, yOU WERE UNAVAILABLE,

AT: uHHH,

AT: bY WHICH i MEAN, uNAVAILABLY SMALL,

AT: sO THEN i COMMUNED HIM TO USE HIS AMAZING POWERS, tO,

AT: iNTERVENE,

AT: aND REROUTE THE PROJECTILE AWAY FROM THE PATH THAT WOULD HAVE HARMED YOU,

AT: aND ALSO,

AT: aS A WONDERFUL BONUS AND COINCIDENCE,

AT: iT HAPPENED THERE WAS A FELON ON YOUR PROPERTY,

AT: iT WAS i THINK SURELY AN AGING ROGUE WHO WAS VERY MUCH KEEN ON INTRUDING BETWEEN YOUR REALLY NICE LOOKING FAMILY,

AT: aND AS FORTUNE WOULD HAVE IT,

AT: tHE SMALL MISSILE WAS REDIRECTED INTO THE SENIOR INTERLOPER'S CHEST,

AT: aND HE DIED,

AT: }:)

GG: omg......

GG: that wasnt a senior interloper, im pretty sure youre talking about my grandpa!!!

AT: oH,

GG: and if im interpreting correctly....

GG: youre saying you used bec to make me shoot him???

GG: augh thats so awful!

AT: uHH,

AT: wHAT'S,

AT: a GRANDPA,

GG: oh boy

GG: ok it is basically an old man, who serves the same role as i guess a lusus does on your planet?

GG: he was like my dad, he took care of me!

AT: wHOA,

AT: tHAT IS A REALLY WEIRD CULTURAL THING, i GUESS,

GG: sigh...

AT: sORRY THEN,

AT: aBOUT,

AT: mY CULTURAL IGNORANCE,

GG: well im not blaming you or anything

GG: it sounds like you were just trying to help

GG: and you did save my life

GG: but......

GG: i mean jeeeez

GG: talk about a misunderstanding

AT: wELL,

AT: nOW i FEEL VERY STUPID,

AT: bUT,

AT: i DON'T THINK i WILL GIVE INTO BAD SELF ESTEEM THIS TIME ABOUT THIS,

AT: iT'S IMPORTANT TO STAY CONFIDENT ABOUT STUFF, DON'T YOU AGREE,

GG: uh

GG: sure?

AT: aND i THINK THIS IS A GOOD OPPORTUNITY FOR US TO BOND, aND BECOME CLOSER IN AN EMOTIONAL WAY,

AT: pROBABLY,

GG: .... it is?

AT: oH YES, sEE THE FUNNY THING IS, i ALSO KILLED MY LUSUS BY ACCIDENT,

AT: i MEAN, mY LUSUS THAT WAS A LITTLE FAIRY BULL, nOT AN OLD MAN WITH A HUGE GUN,

GG: oh nooo

GG: how did that happen?

AT: i MURDERED HIM INAPPROPRIATELY WITH A FOUR WHEEL DEVICE,

GG: :|

GG: ummm what kind of device?

AT: lIKE, tHE KIND BASICALLY FOR CRIPPLES TO SIT IN, aND ROLL AROUND,

GG: oh you mean a wheelchair!

AT: i GUESS, tHAT'S A WAY TO CALL IT,

GG: how...

GG: did that happen?

AT: wELL,

AT: i WAS SITTING IN IT, bEING CRIPPLED LIKE USUAL,

AT: aND HE GOT UNDER THE WHEEL IN HIS NAP,

GG: D:

GG: im so sorry

GG: um also

GG: i didnt realize you were paralyzed

GG: not that im saying sorry for that! that would be rude i think

GG: i am just saying sorry for your loss

AT: oH, iT'S OKAY, oN BOTH THINGS,

AT: hE CAME BACK TO LIFE FOR A WHILE, aND COULD TALK, AND THAT WAS FUN,

AT: aND ALSO,

AT: i'M NOT PARALYZED ANYMORE, }:)

GG: oh?

AT: nO, i HAVE ROBOT LEGS, aND i FEEL GREAT, aND i CAN WALK,

GG: wow nice!

AT: oH YES, iT IS TRULY NICE,

AT: i AM A NEW AND DIFFERENT GUY, mOSTLY,

AT: bEING NOT PHYSICALLY HANDICAPPED IS MOST CERTAINLY THE KEY TO HAVING HIGH SELF ESTEEM,

GG: um

GG: that.....

GG: i dont know if i agree with that!

AT: oH ABSOLUTELY, tAKE IT FROM ME AS WHAT FACT IS TRUE,

AT: aND NOW, i FEEL EMBOLDENED TO DO BOLD THINGS THAT HEROES SHOULD DO,

AT: lIKE, sAVE THE LIFE OF A PRETTY GIRL, AND KILL THE FIENDISH OLD MAN, wHO,

AT: wHOOPS, wASN'T FIENDISH, aND YOU LOVED HIM, sORRY,

GG: well

GG: thats good i guess

GG: i just wish...

GG: maybe you'd told me what happened when i was younger?

GG: i spent years wondering about it!

GG: when i was REALLY young, i was sure the doll sitting across from him did it

GG: and for a long time i was terrified of the evil blue girl!!!

GG: she sort of haunted my childhood and i had trouble sleeping for a long time

GG: but of course i got older and realized that was silly, but then i just speculated that maybe it was suicide

GG: which was just a really sad thing to think about!!!

AT: wOW, yEAH,

AT: i,

AT: tOTALLY BLEW THAT THEN,

AT: i GUESS i COULD STILL TELL YOU ABOUT IT IN YOUR PAST,

GG: buuuut...

GG: even if you do, i dont remember you doing so!

AT: oH,

AT: tHEN i GUESS I WON'T,

GG: er

GG: ok :\

AT: bUT YEAH, iRREGARDLESS,

AT: tHIS IS LIKELY TO BE EXACTLY THE KIND OF THING NOT TO STAND IN THE WAY ABOUT GOOD FEELINGS ABOUT MYSELF,

GG: .......

AT: i MEAN, i SAW THAT YOUR LUSUS SAVED YOU ANYWAY, iN ADVANCE,

AT: aND,

AT: i JUST WANTED,

AT: tO MAKE IT POSSIBLE SO THAT i WAS THE ONE INVOLVED WITH BEING THE HERO THERE,

AT: tO SAVE YOU,

AT: lIKE, tO PUT MYSELF IN YOUR STORY, iN A BRAVE CAPACITY, bECAUSE,

AT: tHAT'S WHAT FEELING GOOD AND POSITIVE ABOUT YOURSELF IS ALL ABOUT,

GG: woooooow...

GG: you sound really confused to me!

AT: aBSOLUTELY, i AM CONFUSED LIKE A FOX,

AT: tHE KIND THAT HAS HIGH SELF ESTEEM,

GG: heheheh

GG: youre incredibly silly

GG: i cant really tell to what extent youre joking around here!

AT: i UNDERSTAND THAT, aND JOKES HAPPEN, yES,

AT: bUT FEELING GREAT ABOUT YOURSELF IS NOT A JOKING ISSUE,

AT: iT IS HEAVY DUTY BUSINESS, aND NEEDS TO BE GIVEN ALL THE SERIOUSNESS THAT SAD THINGS GET,

AT: i'VE LEARNED THAT, fROM MY FRIENDS, AND ALSO, FROM RUFIO,

GG: rufio?

AT: yES, hE'S A FAKE,

GG: what do you mean fake?

AT: a FAKE GUY i MADE UP IMAGINARILY,

AT: hE NEVER STOPS BEING A THING THAT'S NOT REAL,

GG: ohh like an imaginary friend....

GG: heh, ok

AT: i'M PRETENDING THAT BEING FULLY HONEST ABOUT RUFIO'S FAKENESS, AND,

AT: bEING UP FRONT ABOUT HIS GENERAL FRAUDULENCE, tHAT IT WILL ONLY GIVE ME EXTRA CONFIDENCE,

AT: i'M PRETENDING THAT AS HARD AS i CAN, iN THE MOST CONFIDENT WAY,

AT: wHICH MAKES IT PARTIALLY MORE TRUE,

GG: that

GG: sure is a philosophy you have there!

AT: yES, bEING CONFIDENT IS ALWAYS ABOUT SAYING AND DOING THE THINGS YOU FEEL,

AT: eVEN IF THE AFRAID PART OF YOU SAYS, nO, pLEASE DON'T DO THAT,

AT: lIKE, uHHHHHHH,

AT: hERE IS A THING i'M AFRAID TO SAY TO YOU, jADE,

AT: bUT,

AT: i'M TOO CONFIDENT NOW TO LET MY AFRAIDNESS MAKE ME FEEL TERRIBLE,

GG: oh??

GG: well, what is it?

AT: rEMEMBER, i TALKED TO YOU A LOT WHEN YOU WERE SLEEPING,

GG: yes

AT: uHH, aND,

AT: wE TALKED ABOUT LOTS OF THINGS, aND WE HAD SOME THINGS IN COMMON, aND IT WAS NICE,

GG: sure!

AT: aND i THINK CONSEQUENTLY, tHE EMOTIONAL RESULT IS PROBABLY,

AT: tHAT MAYBE i HAVE SOME POSSIBLE RED FEELINGS FOR YOU,

GG: red feelings?

GG: you mean

GG: whoooooaaaaaa

GG: wait

GG: really? :o

AT: wOW, tHAT SURE WAS A HARD THING TO SAY AND MADE ME INCREDIBLY NERVOUS,

AT: bUT i SAID IT BECAUSE OF MY REMARKABLE LEG-POWERED SELF CONFIDENCE,

AT: aND NOW i THINK ALL THAT'S LEFT IS DEFINITELY YOUR RECIPROCATION ABOUT THAT, pROBABLY,

GG: um.................

GG: well

GG: i dont think i can reciprocate!

AT: uH OH,

GG: i mean

GG: youre nice

GG: but i dont really know you...

GG: i dont even know your name!

AT: oH GOSH, hOW STUPID CAN i BE,

AT: i FORGOT TO SAY,

AT: i'M TAVROS,

GG: ok tavros

GG: i dont know if youve fully thought about this!

GG: you dont actually know me very well either

AT: oH YES, i SURELY DO,

AT: bECAUSE WE HAD A NUMBER OF SPIRITED CONVERSATIONS, wHEREIN YOU WERE VERY NICE AND PLEASED TO SPEAK WITH ME,

AT: dID,

AT: i MISINTERPRET THAT, wAS IT NOT ACTUALLY NICENESS,

GG: well no

GG: i was being nice

GG: because

GG: i like to be nice to people when i can, and when they are nice to me

GG: but......

GG: things are a little more complicated than that, you cant know someone just by a few conversations!

GG: i mean, i only talked to you when i was asleep! i am kind of different when im dreaming...

GG: i forget things, and at times im not totally sure whats real

GG: dont you remember thats what its like to dream on prospit?

AT: uH,

AT: kIND OF,

GG: sorry, i feel bad about having to disappoint you...

GG: but i dont know what else to say

AT: bUT WHAT ABOUT,

AT: mY ATTRACTIVE BRAVADO,

AT: aND IGNORING MY INSTINCTUAL COWARDICE HARD ENOUGH TO SAY THAT i LIKE YOU,

AT: iSN'T THAT,

AT: sUPPOSED TO BE VERY ATTRACTIVE, aND ENCOURAGE THE MAJOR HAVING OF FLUSHED FEELINGS IN OTHERS,

AT: i GUESS WHAT i MEAN IS, wHAT ABOUT ALL MY CONFIDENCE,

AT: wHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT,

GG: jeeeeeez, um...

GG: tavros i am really flattered you like me and all

GG: and that sure is confident of you to say so! and thats great buuuut...

GG: i guess confidence is one thing but there is such a thing as being toooo forward i guess?

AT: wOW,

AT: oK,

GG: i aaaalso think...

GG: and really this is just polite friendly advice!

GG: that if youre really confident you dont always have to say it all the time

GG: it...

GG: oh man im sorry to say

GG: it just comes of as a little insecure and off putting and kind of defeats the purpose!

GG: and all things considered i think we should just stay friends

GG: or really........

GG: continue building a friendship in the first place, since like i said we dont actually know each other that well!

AT: yEAH,

AT: uUUUUUUHHH,

GG: sorry :C

AT: nO, nO, iF i'M BEING REALISTIC i THINK THAT'S WHAT'S REASONABLE TO SAY TO ME,

AT: aND i'LL WORK ON TONING DOWN MY SELF RESPECT A LITTLE,

GG: aaaah no! you should have self respect

GG: just...

GG: oh boy this is frustrating

GG: can we talk about this later?

GG: i have some things to do!

GG: why dont we get back to the original point

GG: why do you want to commune with bec again?

AT: yES, oF COURSE,

AT: i WANTED TO GET APPROVAL FROM YOU, tO COMMUNE HIM AGAIN,

AT: nOW THAT HE'S A SPRITE,

AT: tO PERPETRATE ONE OF MY HEROIC IDEAS AGAIN,

GG: uh-ohhh

GG: what is your idea this time?

AT: i WILL SUGGEST TO HIM THAT HE ATTACK YOUR ADVERSARY,

AT: aS WELL AS OURS,

AT: aND MAYBE BEAT HIM, tO SOLVE EVERYBODY'S PROBLEMS,

GG: wow, i dunno about that!

AT: bUT i HAVE GREAT SKILL IN COMMANDING BEASTS TO GLORY IN BATTLE,

AT: aND YOURS IS SURELY THE STRONGEST BEAST I'VE SEEN!

GG: but hes my best friend!!!

GG: and you have already managed to get one of my family members killed

AT: bUT ACCORDING TO MY SELF CONFIDENCE, i THINK i'M PRETTY SURE i CAN USE HIS POWER TO BE SUCCESSFUL,

AT: wHOOPS, PRETEND i DIDN'T MENTION MY SELF CONFIDENCE, oR SAY ANYTHING OFF PUTTING,

GG: but all of our adversaries have inherited his powers!

GG: i would imagine the strongest guy would have all of his powers, and then some!!!

GG: i am really not comfortable with this

AT: oH,

GG: you said you are asking me permission first and i appreciate that

GG: but if you are asking im afraid my answer is no!

AT: oKAY, i RESPECT THAT,

AT: bUT, i WONDER,

GG: what?

AT: i WONDER IF A TRULY SELF CONFIDENT GUY, wITH THE BEST SELF ESTEEM THERE IS, wOULD EVEN NEED TO ASK,

AT: mAYBE THE BEST GUY WOULD JUST KNOW HE WOULD BE SUCCESSFUL, aND WOULD DO IT ANYWAY BECAUSE IT IS FOR YOUR OWN GOOD, aND EVERYONE ELSE'S,

GG: no way!

GG: that would be smug and arrogant and would make you a bully!!!

GG: later if my friends and i want to ask bec for help and decide thats our best hope, then thats our business

GG: until then, just please stop meddling!!!!!!

AT: wOW, oK,

AT: yOU'RE RIGHT ABOUT ALL THAT, i'LL RESPECT YOUR WISHES,

AT: oR,

AT: wILL i? };)

GG: nooooooooo dont dont dont dont dont

GG: im serious

GG: uuuuggghh i think my headache is coming back

AT: i WAS jUST,

AT: mAKING A JOKE,

AT: sORRY, }:(

AT: i GUESS US BECOMING A FRIENDSHIP DOESN'T HAVE TO HAPPEN NOW,

GG: no...

GG: its fine

GG: i just really dont want you to do that ok?

AT: yEAH,

GG: i have to go now

GG: bye tavros

-- gardenGnostic [GG] ceased being trolled by adiosToreador [AT] --

arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling adiosToreador [AT]

AG: Aaaaaaaahahahahahahahaha!

AG: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

AG: Oh my god, I cannot 8elieve how hilariously pathetic that whole exchange was.

AG: Even 8y your wretched standards, Toreadork!

AG: Hahahahahahahaha, oh god I can't 8reathe!!!!!!!!

AG: A8solutely priceless. XXXXD

AT: hEY, vRISKA,

AT: tHAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A PRIVATE CORRESPONDENCE, oF A PERSONAL NATURE,

AT: hOW COULD YOU EVEN BE READING THAT,

AG: Pff. Tavros, sometimes your stupidity surprises even me.

AG: Next time you decide to open your heart to an alien girl........

AG: Make sure her chat client isn't 8eing holographically projected for all to see, ok?

AT: uH,

AT: wHOOOPS,

AG: It was so em8arrassing just reading that Tavros. I'm em8arrassed!

AG: I am actually feeling genuine em8arrassment. Your o8scene incompetence is actually polluting my otherwise pristine composure. Nice going!

AT: sO,

AT: i DON'T CARE,

AG: Jade let you down too easy. She's too nice! Someone's got to tear into you for that appalling display, and once again, guess who's shoulders that falls on?

AG: That's right. Vriska's, as usual.

AT: i THINK SHE HAS THE RIGHT AMOUNT OF NICENESS, pERSONALLY,

AT: aN AMOUNT THAT IS SOME, iNSTEAD OF,

AT: nONE,

AG: Hey, I'm nice when it matters, and where it doesn't strangul8te the critical development of people I give a shit a8out, ok?

AG: Really I don't know what you see in her. She is completely useless, like you.

AG: W8, of course!!!!!!!! It makes perfect sense. You and she represent the ideal matespritship, how could I have 8een so 8lind!

AG: Two perfectly pointless gru8s in a bucket.

AT: nO, i HAVE TOO MUCH SELF CONFIDENCE NOW TO BE UPSET BY YOUR SCANDALOUS IMAGERY,

AT: i DON'T THINK SHE IS USELESS,

AT: aND i DON'T THINK i AM EITHER,

AT: bECAUSE OF NEW SELF ESTEEMS OBTAINED, rEMEMBER,

AG: Oh will you please stop going on a8out your fucking self esteem.

AG: I will say this much a8out her, she was right a8out that. How insuffera8le can you get, prattling on and on a8out how confident you are.

AG: Tavros, you give confidence a 8ad name. I gave you all the chances in the world to earn it, to earn REAL confidence, and you failed.

AG: You couldn't even do the one little thing I asked you to! The one thing that would have made you man up once and for all.

AG: So instead you flew away and cried, and decided to sleep away your sorrow for the rest of the adventure.

AG: Do you have any idea how sick that made me? Everything a8out you makes me sick.

AG: When you talk a8out your self confidence, I throw up a little. You don't know what confidence is. Ro8o-legs don't give you confidence, that 8n't no more true than saying my ro8o-arm gave me mine. See what I mean?

AG: Your confidence is faker than even the great Rufio himself, Lord of the Unreal. It's pure fiction, a false fakey fraudy con jo8 from a wimpy loser charlatan 8ullshit artist.

AG: It's shallow and nause8ting, just like you. Do us all a favor and SHUT UP a8out it.

AT: oK, i THINK,

AT: tHIS IS ACTUALLY MAKING ME PRETTY MAD,

AG: Yeah right!!!!!!!!

AG: I'll 8elieve that when I see it, chump.

AT: i DON'T WANT YOU TO MOCK ME ANYMORE,

AT: i DON'T KNOW IF MY CONFIDENCE IS REAL, oR WHAT,

AT: bUT i WOULD LIKE YOU TO STOP SAYING STUFF LIKE THAT TO ME,

AT: aND TO STOP SAYING BAD THINGS ABOUT MY FRIEND JADE, tOO,

AG: Jade is an idiot.

AG: A useless, 8oring no8ody. What has she done for her party other than fuck up every step of the way? What does she ever do 8ut take naps and get in trou8le?

AG: She's awful, and you deserve each other. Oh w8, except she h8tes you!!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahaha. Even the 8oring pointless girl h8s you, talk a8out a guy who can't get a 8r8k.

AG: Though I guess she's not compleeeeeeeetely useless. ::::)

AT: wHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT,

AG: Ok, Tavros, I gave her credit for something, so I'll give you credit for something too.

AG: Your plan to control her lusus really wasn't a 8ad idea!

AG: And using your a8ility to "save her life" (lol) was a pretty good way to test how effective your powers are across sessions.

AG: Pretty good way to practice, to know where you stand!

AG: Practicing your a8ilities is important, so when it comes down to using them for something that really matters, you know you're ready for prime time.

AG: I know this first hand.

AG: I got lots and lots and LOTS of practice with your little guinea pig friend. ::::D

AG: So really, turns out she wasn't so useless at all! Far from it.

AT: wHOA, wHAT,

AT: aRE YOU SAYING YOU DID TO HER,

AG: Not really the point!

AG: The point is I'm trying to pay you a compliment.

AG: At this point, you are so sad and disgusting, you should treat anything nice anyone has to say a8out you like a chest full of shimmering 8oon8ucks.

AT: oKAAAY, gOD,

AT: wHAT,

AG: Like I said! Your plan was solid.

AG: Controlling the guardian to go after Jack was a fine idea. Sure would stir some shit up! 8etter than 8eing an insignificant stuttering piece of trash all the time, I say.

AG: And you were definitely on to something a8out doing it "irregardless" (lol) of her wishes.

AG: 8ecause it's for her own good! That's what winners do. They do what is right for someone they care a8out even if the other person does nothing 8ut 8itch and moan and act ungr8ful a8out it. 8etter you learned l8 than never.

AG: In fact, I would go as far as saying that if you went ahead with her plan against her wishes, it MIGHT just earn you a smidgen of respect from me.

AG: We'll see.

AG: There's really just one catch.

AT: oH,

AT: wHAT'S THAT,

AG: The catch is it's not going to work!

AT: wHAT ISN'T,

AG: Are you even listening to me? Man, clear the Rufio wax out of your ears.

AG: You couldn't sic the guardian on Noir even if you were inclined. Not even if I were to MAKE you inclined! :::;)

AT: uHH,

AT: wHY,

AG: 8ecause you are dealing with a pro here. I already thought of that.

AG: I thought of everything!

AG: The guardian is not going to attack the agents who engineered him in the first place.

AG: Or who I should say were "encouraged" (lol) to engineer him.

AG: I was striking a mutually 8eneficial arrangement! This is often the most effective way to manipul8 others.

AG: I just sort of gave them an idea. Nudged them along in the direction of seizing more power, which they wanted to do anyway.

AG: Remem8er, I already have a lot of experience getting these simple minded agents to march to my drum 8eat.

AG: I was exiling them left and right in our session! I'm an expert at this 8y now.

AT: wHY WOULD YOU DO THAT,

AG: Tavros, at this point it should 8e o8vious.

AG: I am the unseen hand 8ehind every major event in their session, and to some extent, their whole lives.

AG: At least those events not happening 8y the volition of their own natural incompetence!

AG: Don't you think this is how it should 8e? Shouldn't the greatest player leave her fingerprints on every step of the rise to power of her ultim8 nemesis?

AT: wOW, nO, tHAT'S,

AT: i DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO SAY ALL THE WAYS i THINK THAT IS CRAZY,

AG: 8ut you must agree, 8ecause you were copycatting my idea.

AT: nO i WASN'T,

AG: You were 8razenly inserting yourself into Jade's history. The self-insertion plan was my idea, and it's revolting and cowardly for you to deny it.

AT: tHAT WAS, fOR A GOOD THING THOUGH,

AG: Hahahaha, sure. Whatever you say.

AG: It's incredi8ly sad how outclassed you are. It's actually depressing that you thought you could 8eat me at my own game. And then most sickeningly of all, you don't own up it!

AG: I have every angle covered already. The human session is on full Serket lockdown. Any effort you make to disrupt my plans will 8e laugha8le, just like everything you have ever done in your life.

AG: The only thing left to do now is prepare to kill Jack myself, and save everyone's ungrateful asses.

AG: It's a shame you're not strong enough to take him on with me. Too 8ad you spent so long sleeping instead of tur8o-leveling like me.

AG: We might have made a pretty awesome team.

AG: Oh well.

AT: oKAY, tHEN,

AT: aLL OF YOUR USUAL INSULTING THINGS ASIDE, mY TAKE ON THIS IS,

AT: tHAT YOU CREATED OUR IMPOSSIBLY HARD BAD GUY, wHO WANTS TO KILL US,

AT: aND BY ASSOCIATION, i GUESS THAT MAKES,

AT: yOU THE BAD GUY TOO,

AT: iNSTEAD OF A GOOD GUY WHO'S JUST MEAN,

AG: Nice deduction!

AG: Wrong, excruci8tingly linear, and laced with the sort of a8solutes morons like to throw around........

AG: 8ut nice!

AT: aND THAT BEING THE CASE,

AT: eVEN THOUGH i'M TERRIFIED OF YOU,

AT: aND nOT AS STRONG,

AT: oR REAL CONFIDENT,

AT: oNLY MOSTLY FAKE CONFIDENT,

AG: Yeeeeeeees?

AG: Go on.

AT: i THINK,

AT: i AM GOING TO HAVE TO STOP YOU,

AG: Yeah! That's the spirit.

AG: Pretty weakslime threat there, 8ut it's a start.

AG: Tell you what.

AG: If you can find me in this la8, you can have at me.

AG: I'll even give you a free shot! No funny 8usiness or anything.

AT: oK,

AT: tHEN,

AT: hERE i COME,

AG: I'll 8e w8ing. <3

0 notes

wallywrites · 3 years

Text

(tw - slight depictions of: self harm, death, depression, unhealthy habits, habits that could turn into an eating disorder, ptsd, trauma)

ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28720992

part one / ? (but you can still read it as a stand alone)

Steve never cared much for Christmas. It was just another holiday to remind him of how alone he really was, how much his parents didn’t care, how much his friends could do better. Just another holiday to remind him who he was, an echo of the words he’s heard many times coming to life, proof that he was, and will forever be, alone.

But then he had Billy, holding his hand, and brushing his fingers through his hair, and kissing him on the good days and the bad nights, and holding him, and loving him, even when he couldn’t love himself. And he wasn’t so alone anymore.

And suddenly, like the flash of brightness when lightning strikes, Christmas was his favourite holiday. Suddenly, he loved the smell of gingerbread, because it reminded him of Christmas dinner at the Byers, surrounded by his friends, his real family, his Billy. Suddenly mistletoe wasn't just a plant. Suddenly, opening presents didn’t mean sitting by an empty tree, drinking his sorrows away with his fathers alcohol collection, and instead meant watching the kids’ faces light up with every new comic book or t-shirt they received, the laughter of the older kids and the parents at their reactions.

Suddenly it meant Billy pulling him away from the chaos, away where there was quiet, where it was just them, before giving him his heart, his soul, his love. His mother’s necklace, the most important thing to him before he met Steve.

And suddenly the snowy days, days he thought he would never learn to love, soon became his favourite, where he could spend it cuddled up next to Billy, under a blanket and by a fireplace, whispering sweet nothings to each other until they fell asleep, contempt, happy, in love. Together.

Suddenly, Christmas meant love, and family, and warmth, and everything Steve thought it should be, expected it to be. Suddenly he had that, suddenly he had all he ever could have wanted. And he was happy, he was so fucking happy to have that, to have what he thought he never would, what he thought he didn’t deserve.

But that all changed, too fast and too suddenly, like the moment in between awake and sleep, where you don’t really remember how one thing lead to another. Can’t recall the moment, can’t recognise the difference between awake and sleep, but then suddenly it’s the next morning, and everything from the night before, from the time between then and now, is all just a memory, a blur in your mind in which you can never truly remember. That’s what it felt like to lose Billy.

One moment he was there, and Steve could remember it all so vividly, like he never left. The way he smiled whenever Steve would say something stupid, or how tight he would hold him at night, scared that he would be gone by the time he woke up. The way his eyes would gleam and his smile would soften whenever Billy thought Steve wasn’t paying attention, that Steve wouldn’t notice the longing, loving stare Billy always seemed to have when it came to him. The way Billy was so gentle, so careful with Steve, his hands, his words, his lips.

But then, within another moment, he was gone, like a dream you can’t quite remember, a name on the tip of your tongue you can’t quite reach, the feeling of knowing but not having, the feeling of losing, but not realising. He was gone, so fast, all at once, but the feeling of it still so slow, like noticing your ice has melted, wondering how long has it been melted for? When did it melt? When did he go?

And that time in between was a foreign concept to Steve, something he tried hopelessly to remember, to understand, but just couldn’t seem to grasp enough of it to hold on to. And that’s what hurt the most, what haunted him more than anything else. And suddenly, he hated Christmas again.

And the ache, the pain he felt was almost unbearable. Something he’s never felt before, something he never expected to experience, not yet, not now, not like this. A heartbreak worse than a heartbreak, too harsh and too sudden, a sting, and a burn, and an ache worse than what those Russians ever did to him. Worse than what his parents ever did to him, what Nancy ever did to him. And it was heavy, a deep feeling within his chest and his stomach and his head and his heart. And it burned and burned and cut and gnawed at him until there was nothing left. Nothing but an empty shell of the boy he once was, so naïve and unloved and alone. A fire burning in his soul, getting hotter and deeper, until everything that once was Steve Harrington was now reduced to nothing more than ash.

And no one understood, how much it affected Steve, no one really. Their relationship was a secret, something they shared behind closed doors, in the dark, when no one was paying attention, when no one bothered to look, to notice. Max was the closest to understanding the pain, losing her brother, not realising how much she actually cared, how much Billy had meant to her until it was too late, until he was gone. Steve remembered Max crying to him, head buried into his chest, arms wrapped tightly around his waist, worried that Billy didn’t know how much she cared, that she did love him. Devastated that she never told him how she felt, that she couldn't even say goodbye to his body.

That was the hardest part, Steve thought. Not being able to say goodbye, to see him one last time, to tell him that he loved him. They never found his body, but they didn’t expect to, not after everything that happened to all the others. But that didn’t stop Steve from looking, every day, every night, desperate to find something, anything. It wasn’t until Joyce found him, lying almost dead in the cold one winter night, that he knew it was over, that he needed to stop. He didn’t remember much from that night, except sobbing into Joyce as she held him, letting him cry it all out, telling him that it was going to be okay. He didn’t believe it, couldn’t, but for one moment he let himself be fooled, let himself pretend that she was right, that it would all be okay. But somewhere deep down, where the fire still burned away at what was left of him, he knew it wouldn’t get better, that he would never be the same. Not again, not after Billy.

That’s how he felt now, the week before Christmas. It had been a year since everything happened, but Steve felt more alone than he ever had. He knew it was his own fault, pushing people away tends to do that. He learnt that from his parents, but despite how much he despised them for it, he couldn’t help it, isolating himself off from the outside world, from anyone that cared about him. Because he didn’t see the point anymore.

But that didn’t stop a few of them from checking in on him every now and again. Joyce and Jonathan brining him a homecooked meal at least once a week, Hopper stopping by every now and again to make sure he’s doing okay, Dustin trying always to get Steve to hang out, Robin breaking in to his house to just be there, to help him feel less alone. Max was the only person Steve really found himself letting in, opening up to, but he still didn’t speak much. Didn’t have the energy to, not anymore.

And he had some good days, some days where he would laugh at one of Robin’s stupid jokes, or where Dustin and Max would convince him to have a shower, and go out with them to the movies or the arcade, or where he would eat a little more than usual, causing Joyce to smile in hope that it was helping, that he was getting better. Days where Jonathan would just sit with him, be with him, telling him stories until he actually found himself falling asleep for the first time in weeks, found peace and solace for a moment before his brain turned back on and he remembered. But the bad outweighed the good on most days, and a day didn’t go by where he wasn’t thinking of him. Of his Billy.

And the nightmares, and the terrors plagued most of his nights, and the constant waking up drenched in his own sweat, screaming and crying out for Billy had him so tired, so fucking exhausted that it would keep him awake longer than his body was able to be. Keep him awake until he was throwing up from exhaustion and passing out on the floor, because he couldn’t physically stand anymore.

And it was hard, no one understanding what was happening. Most of them thought it was just how he was coping, with the trauma of everything that happened; the mind flayer, the demo-dogs, the Russians, Starcourt. Any normal person would go clinically insane after everything that Steve or any of the others went through, so it wasn’t unusual for them to think that what had happened must’ve broken him, caused a mental break, caused him to go insane. Robin knew it was deeper than that, the only one knowing that Steve even liked guys. He never told her about Billy, but she was smart, and it wasn’t hard for her to figure out why Steve was breaking so much. But she never spoke of it, didn’t want to make it worse for him, wanted to help him forget.

There was a point where they didn’t think it could get worse. But apparently for Steve, crying every night, not eating in weeks, refusing to speak to everyone wasn't his worst, wasn't his ultimate low. No, his ultimate low involved his wrist, and any sharp object he could find, because at least then he was feeling something.

But then one night, while he was sat on his bed, staring at the wall, no energy to sleep but no energy to do anything else, the hairs on his arms stood up, the white noise around him freezing in time. And that’s when he heard it. A sound he thought he would never hear again, one that brought tears to his eyes, held more memories than he thought he had. A noise that was wholly Billy. Thick and dark and heavy, the revving on an engine, of his engine. A ‘79 Chevrolet Camaro, the same one Billy drove into the school parking lot his first day, the same one they shared their first kiss in, the same one that was completely and entirely Billy, all violent and charming and dangerous and his.

The same ‘79 Chevrolet Camaro lost a year ago.

And Steve couldn’t explain the feeling, couldn’t organise his thoughts, process what was happening. All he knew is that, that sound, that feeling, was his. Was his Billy. A feeling he’s wished for, ached for, longed for, for so long, a feeling just out of reach. And somehow, now, he knew all the answers, knew exactly what was happening, what it meant, what he needed to do.

And he breathed for the first time, in what seemed like months, and he felt his heart in his ears and his pulse thumping in his head.

And suddenly, he didn’t feel like crying anymore.

19 notes · View notes

xoxo-teddybear · 3 years

Text

Nothing But a Bet - Bakugou Katsuki

Bakugou x f!reader

Warnings: Angst, cursing, sexual mentions

Summary: Bakugou and his friends were just joking around! Nobody expected Bakugou to fall in love! But what’ll happen when Y/N finds out she started off as nothing but a piece of a game to her boyfriend.

BAKUGOU’S MASTERLIST

Pt.1 Pt.2

It wasn’t supposed to be this way, but Bakugou sure is glad with the way things turned out.

About 11 months ago, Bakugou, Kaminari, Kirishima, and Sero were messing around. The boys were making bets but once Kaminari had gone too far on the one he offered Bakugou, Kirishima called it quits and decided to back out of their little game.

Kaminari had dared Bakugou to ask out new girl on a date, be with her for a week, and not fall in love. Seemed like a simple bet. Y/N L/N, the new student, was very pretty. She was an incredible fighter but Bakugou didn’t know her enough to even call her a friend yet. All he had to do was date her for a week and not catch feelings? Seemed simple enough. And besides, if he won he would be getting Denki as a personal assistant for a month, getting him anything he wants. Bakugou was in.

The bet was simple. So simple! So how could Bakugou have failed? He couldn’t help it. Y/N was just so...perfect. She was kind and compassionate, but she also had poison on her tongue and always stood her ground. She was strong and gorgeous, and she was patient and always listened to Katsuki to help him with whatever. Throughout the first week, she was always there for Katsuki and even though she didn’t always give him what he wanted, she gave him what he needed, and that’s when he realized he needed her.

So after the first week of Bakugou and Y/N together as a couple came another..and another...and another..and another. Weeks turned to months and those months turned into almost a whole year. The couple has been dating for 11 months and was waiting for their 1 year anniversary to come right around the corner.

Bakugou was completely whipped for Y/N. He waited on her, hand and foot, and treated her like the queen she is. He loved her with his entire being and just being around the girl made him a better, happier person. He went through all the steps in a young relationship with Y/N. They were each other’s first love, first kiss, first date, first everything! Even their first time! Yup, Bakugou and Y/N had both lost their v-cards to each other and it was a night Bakugou would never forget.

And now here we are! The day of their anniversary! Y/N and Bakugou woke up in each other’s arms in Bakugou’s dorm room.

“Good morning Suki,” Y/N said with love laced in her voice. Bakugou was awake but kept his eyes shut as he pressed his forehead to Y/N’s temple and just smiled.

“G’morning Princess,” he then pecked her cheek, “happy one year,” he softly said. He pulled you in closer and you giggled at his sleepy state. You both shared a quick peck and Bakugou finally opened his eyes to stare at his beautiful princess.

“So! What’re we gonna do today?” Y/N asked with glee. As Bakugou opened his mouth to answer, his phone rang and you both looked towards it. Bakugou growled and rolled his eyes as he reached for his phone to answer. He sighed before he spoke.

“Hello?......what?! .....ugh, today of all days?” He said and looked towards Y/N with sad eyes, “C’mon! I got plans for today....no I know but-....*sigh* fine. I’ll be there in an hour.” He hung up the phone and tossed it to his night stand and he frustratingly tucked his head in Y/N’s neck and growled.

“Sooo....plans are canceled?” You said with a little hint of disappointment. Bakugou looked at you with a regretful eyes as he softly spoke.

“I’m sorry Princess, Aizawa’s calling me and Kirishima in for extra training. He planned this months ago and I told him not to put me on for today but I guess he forgot. If I don’t go in today then I don’t get to go in at all and it puts me behind. I’m sorry Y/N,” he said apologetically.

“Hey, don’t sweat it, Love. I get it, and it’s fine. We’re hero trainees, we gotta be at our best,” you said with a smile. Bakugou smiled at your grin and was thankful he had someone as understanding as you. “What time should you be back?”

“Uhh, probably around 9 tonight,” he sadly said.

“Oh wow...that’s a long time,” you said with a little sadness.

“Yeah I know, and I’m sorry, but I promise I’ll make it up to you!” Bakugou said. He felt so bad for missing your anniversary but he had to do what he had to do.

“It’s fine Suki. You said you’d be back at 9, so that’s when we’ll celebrate.” You offered.

“Baby, the dorm’s curfew is 10. What’re we gonna do for an hour outside?” He asked.

“Who said we had to leave the dorms to celebrate our anniversary? I could set something up here in one of our rooms and when you get back, we can celebrate. Just you and me, all night.” Bakugou smiled at his creative girlfriend. He was so blessed. He held you closer and covered your face in kisses as you giggled away. He loves the sound of your laugh and voice and craves to hear it all the time.

“Okay then, but I still want to make it up to you,” Bakugou bargained. Y/N only smiled and rolled her eyes at her stubborn boyfriend.

“Fine. I’m not complaining,” you laughed and Bakugou followed. He kissed you one last time before he got up and got ready. You stayed in his bed a bit longer and waited till he got out of his shower to leave to your own dorm to get ready. You both couldn’t wait for tonight!

*Timeskip*

It’s was 8:30 and Bakugou would be back soon and you both agreed to have your celebration in your room so that when Bakugou gets back, he can get ready. You set up your room perfectly. A table in the middle, a few candles, a few roses. Petals scattering the floor and his anniversary gift on your bed. You spent all day in the dormitory kitchen making spicy gyoza, seaweed salad, miso soup, and a variety of sushi. The room looked amazing and so did you! Your makeup was top notch and you wore a gorgeous maroon red dress that hugged your body. It was tightly hanging off your shoulders and the length went down to your upper thigh. You wore a skinny black choker and a gold necklace. You finished off your look with black strappy heels. It was a little chilly so you opted for a black leather jacket and honestly it pulled the whole look together.

You sat on your bed as you waited for Katsuki to come back but decided it was time to set the table. You brought the food and utensils, the plates and cups, and went back to get a pitcher of ice water. As you returned and placed the pitcher on the table, you went to close the door but heard Kaminari and Sero down the hall.

“Can you believe Bakugou and Y/N lasted this long?” Sero said. You got curious as to why they were randomly speaking of you both and listened in.

“I know right! It’s their one year today and they have me to thank for it!” Kaminari said in a boastful voice. “It was all thanks to my bet that Kacchan even asked her out in the first place.”

Your eyes went wide as you continued to listen. “What?” You whispered to yourself.

“True. And to think it all started out as a bet.” The boys laughed and joked around as they said they were happy for their friend but you shut the door and pressed your body against it. You covered your mouth with your hand to muffle your sobs and let the tears fall to the ground.

“I’m nothing but a bet.”

—

Minutes passed and Bakugou texted you that he was in his dorm getting ready. You didn’t reply. You fixed your makeup to look a little normal but nothing could hide the fury and heartache in your eyes. You waited a few for Katsuki to walk through the doors and the time finally arrived

“Happy anniversary babe!” Bakugou said as he walked through the doors. He was holding his gift for you and was wearing a maroon red button up that matched your dress. He rolled up the sleeves and unbutton the top. He wore a silver chain with black jeans and black boots. He put on his watch and you weren’t gonna lie, he looked insanely handsome, but that wasn’t gonna stop you from doing what you had to.

“You look hot,” he said as he smirked and looked you up and down. You stood and gave a quick smile before letting it drop once more but Katsuki didn’t notice. As you kept your gaze to the now very interesting ground, Katsuki made his way over to you. He stood very close and he attempted to wrap his arms around your waist and pull you in for a kiss but you placed your hands on his chest to stop him. “Uh? Baby? What’s wrong?” He nervously laughed out.

“....Bakugou we need to talk,” you calmly said but held back all the anger and sadness you were feeling. You pushed Bakugou back a little and he placed the gift down on the table. He looked at you with a confused face before he spoke.

“Bakugou? Baby, it’s Katsuki. Suki? Your Suki. Are you alright?” He asked with a worried voice. You laughed at his confusion. He really didn’t get it. He really didn’t understand that this was the end for you both. An uncomfortable silence rang through the room and you bit your lip in nervousness before you spoke.

“.....How could you?....I gave you my everything and it was all a lie! You were my first everything Katsuki! My first kiss, my first love. ...Oh my god I can’t believe I actually slept with you!” You said with a soft broken voice as your arms held your body and you looked towards the ground in regret. Bakugou was confused but seeing your sad form made him so upset. And hearing that you regret the times you both made love to each other broke him. He was worried for you and he ran to you to give you a hug but you pushed him away again.

“Baby-“

“Stop calling me that!”

“Baby, what’s wrong?”

You finally snapped your eyes up to face his as you looked at him with angry eyes and pools of tears as they streamed down your face.

“I’m nothing but a bet to you!” You screamed. Bakugou’s face went into shock as his eyes went wide and an open frown appeared on his face. You found out. You fucking found out but who the hell told you. Who the fuck ruined his perfect relationship?!

“Who-...who told you?” He asked with an angry, sad, shaken voice. You rolled your eyes as you noticed that after what you told him, that was what he was worried about.

“Does it matter?! Is it true or not?! ....did you really use me for a bet?” You asked with a broken heart. Bakugou bit his lip as he contemplated lying to you and moving on from this to keep his relationship, or telling you the truth in hopes that his understanding girlfriend would understand and stay with him. Both options were risky but he went for the latter.

“Yes..it’s true. You started off as a bet,” Bakugou watched as you looked around and threw your arms, shrugged your shoulders, and let them drop again. Your body just screamed “I knew it,” as he watched you with fear but continued. “But that doesn’t mean what I feel for you isn’t real!”

“How am I supposed to trust that?!” You screamed.

“Please! Please just trust me! Y/N I love you! I do, I swear! I was an idiot to place that bet but I didn’t expect myself to actually fall in love with you!” Bakugou heard what he said and cringed as he realized he basically just said he didn’t think it would be possible for him to fall in love with you. You looked at him in offense and hurt as he quickly spoke up again. “No, no, no, no! I didn’t mean it like tha-“

“Bakugou! Stop......just get out.” You calmly said but Bakugou felt his heart shattering.

“W-what? Y/N you can’t be serious. ...Can we at least talk about this first, please!” Bakugou said as he tried to grab your hand but you quickly yanked it out of his reach.

“No! Bakugou-“

“It’s Katsuki!”

“We’re done!” And there it was. Bakugou’s felt his entire world crumbling as his tears flowed down his face like twin rivers.

“P-please! You can’t do this!” Bakugou screamed as he ran to you and wrapped you in his arms. He let his head fall into your neck but you pushed at him and demanded he let you go. “Please don’t leave me! Please! I’m s-sorry! I can make it up to you, I promise just don’t leave!”

“Bakugou, let me go!” You said as your own tears fell and you pushed at his chest. Each time you got closer to getting him off, his hold tightened and he pulled you closer.

“No! Y/N please don’t do this to us!” He begged.

“Bakugou there is no ‘us’ anymore so let me go!” You demanded.

“Please! There’s nothing I can say to fix it! You started out as part of a bet, I’ll admit it, but I ended up falling in love with you, and it’s the best thing I’ve ever done! I spent a year of my life with you and I wanna spend so much more! Please! You can’t leave me!” Another silence came upon the room. You stopped fighting due to exhaustion and Bakugou just continued to cry in your neck as he continued to hold you tight. His pleas and cried fell upon deaf ears as you already made up your mind.

“....I hate you.” You whispered as you let harsh tears seep out. Bakugou remained unphased and just assumed it was your pain speaking.

“I love you.” He quietly said. “Please just give me another chance to make this right,” he begged.

You felt Bakugou’s grip loosen and that’s when you quickly took the opportunity to use your quirk and push him off. Your quirk pressed him against the wall and kept him there.

“Hey! Y/N! What are you doing!? Let me go! Please!” He cried out as he watched you grab a blanket, a pillow, sleeping clothes and makeup remover. You’ll sleepover in Mina’s room if Bakugou won’t leave your room. “Please Princess! Don’t leave! I can fix this if you give me another chance! Im begging you to stay! I’m sorry! Please stay!”

“Since you won’t leave, I will. We’re done Bakugou,” you said as you got in his face. You noticed his shaky voice and frantic eyes as he searched your soul to see if you were serious. His mouth hung open slightly as he shook his head ‘no’ in disbelief. “From now on, don’t talk to me, don’t touch me, don’t even look at me! I hate you.” You said and walked out of your room and slammed the door. Katsuki fought against the restraints and once you got far enough, you released your quirk and Bakugou quickly ran out the room to look for you. But he didn’t see any sight of you and so he went back inside you room. He locked himself in there and cried.

He cried and begged that the whole thing was just a bad dream and he would wake up any minute now. But this wasn’t a dream. And Bakugou had really just lost the one he loved. He looked at the room and everything you set up. He cried as he looked around and felt so sorry for both you and him. That night, he slept in your room on your bed, crying. He didn’t even bother to change or anything. He just wanted to escape this new reality.

“Please come back Teddy Bear....I’m sorry.”

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