#but then five fucking kids showed up and Hal was like 'oh FUCK NO! Here's an easy mission! go do this!!!'
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hello, i would like to hear about the titans fantasy au O.O
Oh man, you really shouldn't enable me like this... but if you insist!!
Alright, here's the setting: We're in some weird Lord of Rings/DnD fantasy setting with various magical creatures and inconsistent technological developments. Were tunics worn at the same time as ball gowns? Were carriages used at the same time as broad swords? I don't know! And I'm not doing any historical research! It's just haphazardly medieval!
Donna, for the most part, is relatively unchanged. She fits into this setting rather well. She is the demigod daughter of Zues, warrior in training, third in line to be Queen of the Amazons. At 13 years old she is a new arrival from her island nation and she is hoping to learn monster hunting (she's hoping to learn by doing). The one condition of her joining Diana was that she was supposed to stay with Diana at all times. Both of them nodded and smiled in agreement when their mother, the Queen, said this. Both immediately parted ways once their boat hit the shores of this new and exciting world.
Speaking of new and exciting, the King of Atlantis' ward is tagging along for the first time to see the surface world. Garth is fascinated (and a little terrified) and he's hoping to learn new types of magic! The Crown Prince (his older brother) Koryak says that he will make a fearsome mage one day and he really doesn't want to let him down. Garth imagines that one day his brother will rule as King and Garth will be there at his side as the Head Mage. He really has to work on his skills to get to that point though! Hence studying abroad. He's also... maybe... looking to meet some friends. Or any friends, really. He doesn't have any and he's heard good things.
Lord Richard of Gotham is so tired of politics. His... 'father' is the Crown Prince, next in line for the throne of Gotham. Not that anyone, including Bruce, is happy about it. The Kane family has had the crown for centuries and now, because the King only had daughters and Bruce's mom had the audacity to marry a Wayne (their rival house), they stand to lose it all. Thankfully, Bruce's status as Crown Prince is only temporary. As soon as Princess Kate Kane is married off, her husband will automatically be next in line. (Although they've sure been taking their time with that. What's the hold up?) So Bruce doesn't have to ever worry about being King and Dick (as Bruce's totally legitimate love child that Bruce didn't make up to make sure Dick could inherit everything if he ever died, don't do the math on their ages) doesn't ever have to worry about the throne at all. Sure, he's technically second in line but it's as far away from reality as a nightmare and just as scary. For right now all Dick has to worry about is being a squire, going on adventures and learning how to be a great knight! What could go wrong!?
Crown Prince Elroy is fucked. Seriously fucked. The old Crown Prince Oliver saw Roy at an archery competition and decided 'Yeah, that one.' Ollie offered him a room, food and all the arrows he could ever want. When Roy found out that Ollie was taking a page out of Robin Hood's book, Roy was overjoyed. The two of them had a blast stealing from the rich and giving to the poor. It was great! And then Ollie's father, the King, found out. He disowned Ollie, not that Ollie cared, and life went on as normal with one major giant exception. The King didn't have any other children (legitimate children anyway) and Ollie was now disowned. So the King legitimized Roy as Oliver's bastard child and heir. Or, sorry, Elroy because apparently 'Roy' wasn't fancy enough. Now Elroy is the Crown Prince. Elroy is under lock and key so that Ollie can't influence him. Elroy is being forced to study. (The King promised him that this was just to make Ollie see reason but Roy isn't so sure... the King is putting a lot of effort into his training...) The only saving grace is that Roy is being sent away this summer to learn sword fighting. Archery is 'a cowards sport' apparently and Roy 'needs to expand his horizons'. Well.. they certainly agree on that last one. Roy is making a break for it and he's not coming back.
Wally is a young apprentice working for his Uncle Barry. He's learning how to make medicine and treat wounds and find useful herbs. At least, he's learning that sometimes. A lot of his time is spent being a delivery boy. Uncle Barry says that's an important part of any medical treatment, actually delivering the medicine. Wally thinks that he just wants him to burn off energy. Regardless, Wally spends most of his time delivering medicine and he does it well. It helps that he can cross the continent before most people can blink their eyes. He can't tell anyone that though. Barry has made that part extremely clear. As far as their patients are concerned, Barry is a local doctor who just lives outside of whichever town they're in. There's a lot of things Wally can't tell people. Like how his eyes glow and magic lights up on his fingertips when he's excited. Or how he doesn't really like hats, he just has to wear them to hide his slightly too pointy ears. He gets it. He does. He's heard the whispered stories of fae, the hushed talk of changelings, he's read the old cracked tomes on the Elven Folk. He knows what people will think he is. But he isn't. He really isn't. He's just... Wally. And sure, he might be a little bit odd but he's just as human as the next guy, he swears!
Donna finds herself left on the doorstep of the greatest monster hunters in this new world. Garth is accepted to shadow some of the best defense mages ever. Dick finds himself stopping in with some fellow Knights (he is soon to be one after all) on his way home after a particularly hard mission. Roy finds himself shipped off to learn sword fighting from some 'trusted experts'. Wally is on a routine delivery run to drop off some supplies for his Uncle's good friends. Whether it's fate or something far more sinister, they all find themselves at the temple of the Knights of the Emerald Flame. Sir Hal Jordan, who was not ready for the sudden onslaught of children, panics and gives them a mission to get them out of his hair.
The rest, as they say, is history.
#i actually have really extensive plans for each character#especially Garth and Wally#its funny Donna just kinda showed up cause she heard about the Emerald Knights and just wandered in#Dick was literally just looking for a safe place to sleep for the night before journeying home#Wally was just dropping stuff off#Roy and Garth were the only ones actually supposed to be there. and Ollie was supposed to be there to pick up Roy#because this was just a ruse. it was a rescue attempt but Ollie got sidetracked#really Hal only agreed to Garth being there so that he could watch Hal do magic. and Hal wasn't even really looking to teach him#Hal just wanted an easily impressed audience so that he could show off#but then five fucking kids showed up and Hal was like 'oh FUCK NO! Here's an easy mission! go do this!!!'#Garth thought it was training Donna was chomping at the bit to fight something Roy just wanted to be unsupervised#Dick thought Hal genuinely needed his help with this and Wally was like '?!??! HUH?!?'#but hey. He went with it. cause Barry told Wally to always listen to Hal unless he's doing something stupid.#but Hal wasn't doing anything. Wally was the one doing something stupid. so it didn't count#anyway. i have. so many thoughts. literally its planned out until they're adults#dc#dc comics#titans fantasy au#wally west#dick grayson#donna troy#roy harper#garth of shayeris#fab five
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Francis Wilkerson crushing on (obsessing over) you hcs
wc: 1k
pairing: francis wilkerson x gn!babysitter!reader
warnings: (canon) obsessive behavior from francis but reader is into it (against their better judgement /hj), pinning against wall, begging, francis being pathetic for you /pos, reader is trying to be professional lol
summary: Francis knew his mom hired a new babysitter to look after his brothers, but he didn't expect you to be so... perfect. now he has an impossible to manage crush on you.
song rec: obsessed with you - the orion experience
a/n: oh look another obscure heartthrob there are no fics for!! literally how did we get the scene of hal telling the boys what their relationships will be like and that Francis canonically has that gene and have no one simp loudly for him. yes I know this show went off the air years ago and I don't care. also full disclosure, I haven't watched much malcolm in the middle but I think I have a pretty good grasp on the characters let me know if anyone's ooc lmao
@yesv01
Okay starting off strong
The scene
The Scene?????
Are you fucking kidding me???
So we know he's a bit of a trouble maker
That's putting it lightly
But the fact is Francis is not afraid to get his hands dirty
He is not at all afraid to get fucking messy
And you know having Lois as his mom is more than enough reason for him to be straight up feral
As Hal said, the men in their family have a habit that makes them a little unstable (and very desperate) in relationships
It's giving greek tragedy curse
So if you've ever wanted a hot slightly unhinged obsessive pathetic hot mess boyfriend
Francis is the one for you
Okay maybe boyfriend isn't quite the right word
He’s not “technically” your boyfriend yet
But he’s hellbent on getting there eventually
He just has to warm you up a little first
Prove that he would be such a good boyfriend that you couldn’t say no
He just has to really plead his case, tell you how he feels
He figures if he’s up front and honest, lays his cards on the table
If he tells you he’s fallen for you, all the amazing traits he admires about you and that he thinks you could have some great chemistry
That he’d really love to get to know you better
That he has a good shot at you agreeing to go on a date with him
It’s a solid plan
So he’s not sure how he ends up literally begging you on his knees, arms around your waist and kissing your stomach after getting rejected a dozen times in like two days
He thinks of something smart but every time he opens his mouth something erratic (and probably a red flag) comes out
He didn’t see this coming
No one did except Hal and Lois
Hal should start offering relationship tarot readings because in that minute and a half speech to his kids, he not only predicted Malcolm's first relationship
But Francis's too
He's hooked up before, had flings here and there
But he's never really liked anyone
Until he sees you, the new babysitter Lois hired
You're so sweet
You're responsible, make good grades, and actually have a modicum of common sense
Lois is hoping you're just what her boys need
Francis is often out of the house doing god knows what
One of the reasons Lois hired you to begin with
So it's a little while before Francis actually meets you
But when he does??
Holy hell brace yourself
When Francis sees you it changes his fucking brain chemistry
He grabs his brothers and is like "That's the babysitter???"
"Yeah??"
"So you just forgot to mention how hot they are???"
They did not expect this kind of reaction from him
He pays Dewey five bucks to sneak into your bag and see he can find out what body spray or lip gloss or cologne you use
Dewey somehow manages to get in and out of your bag without you noticing
“What’s it called?” Francis asks, needing to satisfy the burning urge to know what you smell like up close
“Twilight… twilight something.” Dewey says, trying to remember. “I think it was… twilight sedation. Yeah, that’s it.”
Francis looks over at you
“Twilight sedation…” he says dreamily
It’s twilight forest, but who’s counting
Francis needs to be around you as much as possible
Being home more than usual won’t be a problem, he thinks
He’s not responsible enough for Lois to let him watch his brothers unsupervised without utter chaos anyway, so it’s not like you’ll stop coming over
So now when you’re babysitting his brothers
When you’re making mac and cheese or helping them with their homework
He’ll find little moments to steal you away
Every time he fully intends to have a conversation with you
Banter, build a rapport, get to know you better
And every time he ends up shamelessly coming onto you
And usually ends with him pinning you to a wall begging you to let him kiss you
Just once
Please, just once, just one time
And every time you manage to slip away and go back to what you were doing
Helping his brothers with video game levels and homework
And every time, it leaves him wanting you more and more and more
You think he’s just messing with you at first
But you can’t deny the sincerity of his face and voice and body language
He’s burning for you
Aching for you
And it’s a little overwhelming to say the least
Especially with how out of the blue it is
You want to just have a normal conversation but always end up with him much closer to you than you expect
So you panic and slip away
And so begins the enticing game of cat and mouse between you that drives Francis even crazier for you than he thought was possible
Every time he promises himself he’ll play it cool, just be normal around you
And every time he ends up pinning you against the kitchen counter telling you what a good boyfriend he’ll be
Please just let him prove it
The logical part of your brain knows these should probably be red flags
But a smaller part of you wants to see
The logical part of your brain also knows that you absolutely should not date the son of the woman you’re babysitting for
Especially since (aside from Francis) this is the chillest cushiest babysitting job you’ve ever had
Lois was right, you’re exactly what her boys need
And since it’s impossible to get a babysitter, much less keep one, she’s paying you really well for this
So yeah
Dating her son would be a huge conflict of interest
You can’t
You absolutely cannot
But the one thing you failed to take into consideration is that you lowkey have horrible taste in men
So this thing building between you and Francis is really just a matter of time
Then things are really going to get crazy
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Dear Billy: how did you end up with such a fucking stranglehold on this show? Rest in Pieces you fucking dweeb.
1.) These agents are terrible at talking to teenagers.
2.) I wanna brush Jonathan’s hair. Just because it looks like he hasn’t done it in a while.
3.) I am glad Max is admitting it as soon as she figures out that she’s cursed. I think everyone at this point is tired of the ‘got bit by a zombie and hides it’ shit. Like yeah, she hid headaches and shit, but those are normal trauma things.
4.) Yeah, you wield that lamp, Steve.
5.) I know it’s mostly for the audience but Dustin saying they have bigger problems and then looking at Max should be absolutely incomprehensible to Lucas at this point.
6.) Erica is painting a mini and I love her. Oh Jason is talking to her. Erica, kick Jason’s ass. But also, ERICA, DON’T FUCKING TELL PEOPLE THAT SHIT. GODDAMN IT.
7.) I adore Steve’s ‘a little humility’ line and then sitting down like that. Lmao
8.) Murray is right. You can’t be late to a ransom exchange. That’s kind of dire. Also, you’re in Alaska. They’re in California. What the fuck are you gonna do for your kids from here?
9.) I haven’t mentioned in a while that stranger things or Netflix or both filmed in a holocaust site and then turned it into a tourist airbnb. That’s fucked up, y’all.
10.) of course the boring feds are watching boring golf.
11.) Mike, you literally can’t even tell Will that you need to tell El that you love her. How are you gonna tell El that you love her?
12.) Jonathan’s got PLANS. PIZZA PLANS.
13.) Does Argyle give that pineapple spiel every time?
14.) Lucas, Steve, and Dustin are all idiots if they didn’t immediately recognize these as goodbye-I’m-dead-we-failed letters.
15.) since when does max know a good lawyer. Is it Saul Goodman?
16.) Robin can not walk in heels.
17.) Robin to the rescue with an infodump filled with some laws. It actually works. I’m in love with Robin. Does anyone else think Nancy fell just a tiny bit in love with her after that speech? Loved the low five, btw, babes.
18.) ???????????????????????? Ok Yuri.
19.) Actually I’ve done a rapid turnabout. I love Yuri. He’s a goofy little cartoon man.
20.) Hopper with a stick vs guard with a gun. Who will win? Obviously hopper. Oh god, not the gross foot again. And now the sequel, Hopper with a chain vs guard with a gun. Well, a guard with a gun and then a wrench and then a gun again. Damn that gun was loud.
21.) Hopper did you not put your shoe back on?
22.) THat fucking explosion was hilariously big.
23.) None of these Russians can. Aim for shit.
24.) Hey, kids, I know one of you is cursed, but could you wear your seatbelts?
25.) I love Max so much and I’m gonna rip Vecna apart just for hurting Max. But also why did her mom just kind of leave her there zoning out???
26.) Robin and Nancy are a dream team.
27.) oh they fully copied Silence of the Lambs for this shit. Lmao
28.) Is that Robert Englund? I recognize him from his voice and silhouette. Oh hell yeah it is him. Casting Freddy Krueger in a role like this is actually very fun. Also the way they did his makeup/prosthetics is once again way cooler and more interesting and dare I say creepier than literally all the Vecna corpses combined.
29.) [emotional, tender music playing] over Will and Mike’s little talk. Friends. Best friends. Sure.
30.) Oh damn. People with guns. Honestly this is too much stress to put a fun stoner under.
31.) Okay Hop has a bit to go to get to the fucking church. Oh nvm. He’s like, there already.
32.) This escape is brought to you by JIF’s creamy peanut butter. When you have a busted foot and are on the run from Russian guards, there’s only one type of peanut buttery goodness that will keep you going.
33.) HEY. DUFFER BROTHERS. IT’S NOT SHOCKING IF YOU HAVE EVERY SINGLE FUCKING PLAN IN THE SHOW GO TO SHIT.
34.) The timeline of this season is extra stupid.
35.) Flashback time. “This was a SPAWN OF SATAN!!!’ It killed a rabbit. Like yeah later it turns into hallucinations but at first it was literally just killing small animals. Virginia’s death is so fucking goofy. Oh, Victor Creel was a war criminal. Super not understanding why Henry Creel did all this shit.
36.) Oh, my girls have been found out.
37.) March 29, 1967 to July 4, 1985. Here lies a dipshit.
38.) Max, I love you, but this dream is a tiny bit stupid.
39.) I don’t think the Duffer Brothers have ever mourned someone they hated. Especially not a family member. If I ever rewrite this scene, I’m going in a very different direction.
40.) Steve’s Overprotective Dad Senses are tingling. And he’s RIGHT. Also, I just realized that their eyes don’t go white, they go milky. Their eyes aren’t even rolled back. They go milky and bloodshot for some reason.
41.) Can we talk about how Billy the Racist Shithead got to be in this show and come back way more than LITERALLY EVERY OTHER DEAD PERSON COMBINED? Fuck this douche.
42.) Okay I’m gonna be real with you, but if Billy turned into Vecna, I’d laugh my ass off.
43.) Robin is the one who figured out the music.
44.) I love the music thing but I think there should also be the option of beating Vecna if you just fucking forgive yourself.
45.) Me walking through Vecna’s nightmare mindscape: Hey, have you ever seen that one melting clocks painting? Fuckin’ wild, right? I think you’d be into it. Anyway, I’ve done worse to myself, you ABSOLUTE FUCKING AMATEUR.
46.) Like for real, have the Duffers ever truly hated themselves? Because these Vecna visions have been kind of tame in comparison.
47.) The montage of moments actually is very cute.
48.) I bet some freaks on ao3 have done weird tentacle porn about Vecna.
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My Best Friend’s Wedding
A/N: A new one.
Plot: AU. Jason Todd and Y/N Y/LN have been best friends since they were kids. They’ve dated once, but their relationship ended in heartbreak for her when he realized he wasn’t in love. Five years later, Jason’s best friend Y/N calls out of the blue with big news: she’s getting married…in 5 days. Jason’s world suddenly turns into a million fucking problems when he realizes he’s in love with Y/N and he’ll do whatever it takes to stop the wedding. But will he succeed…or fail?
Warnings: Language and sexual content…so far.
It seemed like every Friday night that Jason Todd would get very drunk just to forget about the busy-ass week he’s endured. At just twenty-five years old, his life revolved around being a young, attractive playboy bachelor in Gotham’s eyes and for working with his father Bruce Wayne at Wayne Enterprises with his brothers Dick Grayson and Tim Drake, and good friend Roy Harper.
It was like every day their faces were in tabloids and on TV. Bruce had always been a womanizer and the same reputation had been passed down to the four of them. Jason knew his life was nothing but a party; a big-ass huge party with several sexy women who were never more than one-night stands.
Add billions of dollars and booze to that and Jason’s life would be set.
But this week had been nothing but a shit show for him, and it wasn’t even Friday yet. It was just a Tuesday night. After work, Roy had insisted the boys drop by Rocky’s and get shit faced before calling it a night. Rocky’s was the closest bar near Wayne Enterprises; owned by Hal Jordan, a friend of Bruce’s from college.
Zatanna, a beautiful and kind bartender, set down four shot glasses of Tequila with salt and slices of lime.
“Is there anything else I can get you boys?” Zatanna asks, leaning over the counter with her breasts aching to pop out from her white corset top.
Jason wasn’t an idiot. As buzzed as he was feeling, he knew Zatanna was just trying to hook up with him again. The last time they fucked was probably a few months ago when he needed a date for a gala Bruce was hosting.
Sure, Zatanna was a good fuck. She was definitely a screamer, clawed Jason’s back rather good to where he needed a couple of stitches, and she was willing to try anything he suggested. But she wasn’t a “constant fuck” that he wanted. A “constant fuck” was someone you wanted in your bed all the time; never caring about one being a blanket hog, kiss despite the morning breath, and always looking forward to cooking and sharing breakfast in bed.
No. No, Zatanna wasn’t a “constant fuck” at all.
There was only one girl who had earned that title and so much more.
The one important girl Jason hadn’t seen in a few years since she left him for Smallville.
“I’m good, thanks,” Jason mumbles under his breath. He downs his shot and winces at the burn before he pulls out his cell phone from his back pocket to check it.
Roy smirks and winks at her. “Oh, kitten…keep showing us those ladies and you can get us whatever you want.”
“Roy, you’re drunk,” Tim snickers.
“I’m…I’m not drunk. I’m just…friendly is all,” Roy slurs. “Now, how about I show you what I can do with my mouth? I can use my mouth all over you, gorgeous.”
Tim gasps and slaps Roy’s arm. “Roy!”
“Look, don’t take Jason’s rejection and Roy’s sexual harassment seriously, okay? They’re not bad guys,” Dick smiles and tries to do damage control.
“Whatever. The fact that you have to defend them is pathetic,” Zatanna snaps, before she rolls her eyes and moves down to check on the other regulars.
Dick, Tim, and Roy glance over at Jason with wide eyes. Jason looks up and finally notices.
“What?” Jason asks.
“Dude, you really fucked up Zatanna, didn’t you?” Dick muses.
“What the hell are you even talking about?”
“Dick is trying to say you must have really broke Zatanna’s heart for her to act so cold to us,” Tim says.
“We haven’t fucked each other since a few months ago,” Jason says defensively.
“Well, has she tried to call or text you since?” Roy asks.
Jason pouts his lips and appears to be thinking about it. “Maybe…I don’t fucking know. I blocked her number the day after we fucked.”
“Jesus Jason…” Dick sighs and shakes his head.
“What? Why are you getting on my ass for the stupidest shit, Dick?”
“Maybe because you’ve been doing nothing but screwing and upsetting chicks left and right like it’s second nature for you!”
Jason scoffs and reaches for his beer.
“Don’t fucking lecture me, dicky boy! You do the exact same shit, too!” Jason snaps.
“At least I don’t piss off and upset my chicks. God! At least have the decency to have respect or something,” Dick says.
Tim points at Jason and chuckles. “Maybe we should make a list of all the hearts Jason’s broke in all of Gotham!”
“That’s easy! Okay, there’s Isabel, Donna, Kori, and Y/N…” Roy trails off in his loud drunken voice.
Jason glares at them before looking down at his cell phone. Someone left him a voicemail. He checks his voicemail and his chest suddenly aches in familiar pain when he hears her voice.
Y/N.
“Hey guys, I’m gonna head on home. I feel like fucking shit,” Jason says, already standing up, dropping down a fifty-dollar bill, and leaving without hearing what the guys had to say.
He didn’t hear the whole message, but he knew he couldn’t listen to it there.
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The moment Jason entered his penthouse, he didn’t waste anytime getting comfortable. He kicked off his shoes, slipping out of his expensive black pants and dress shirt, and getting a glass of water to soothe his burning throat from the alcohol from earlier.
In just his black boxers, Jason grabs his cell phone and enters his master bedroom to call Y/N. He clears his voice as soon as she picks up.
“Hello?”
“Y/N, hey sweetheart. I’m sorry I missed your phone call. I was at Rocky’s with the guys.”
“On a Tuesday night?” She actually fucking giggles at him. He loves hearing her giggle.
Jason smirks. “Yeah, work’s been hell, you know. Bruce and Lucius are thinking of expanding the new technology program that Tim built. They’re already thinking of sending us out to Japan, Switzerland, and wherever else they think we should go.”
“That is so cool! I wish Tim told me about his new program. Whenever he calls me, he never tells me anything. It’s always about me.”
“Well, you’re really fucking interesting, sweetheart. Now that you’re in Smallville, you must be bored out of your damn mind and you gotta have stories.”
A pause.
“Sweetheart? You still there?” Jason asks nervously. He’s immediately worried about the sudden silence.
“I’m still here. Sorry…” Y/N’s voice is soft and uneasy.
“Are you okay? Did something happen over there? Does Clark Kent need to get his ass kicked? Because I’ll tell Bruce, and he fucking would beat his ass for you, Y/N.”
“No! No, Clark has been great. He’s been very wonderful to me. He’s helped me out a lot here since starting out at the Daily Planet and everything. Everything is amazing…so amazing.” Her voice is lovely and sounds as if she’s…in love.
“Sounds to me as if you already met a guy, Y/N. I thought you were there to work; not date,” Jason jokes. He’s suddenly uncomfortable now.
“Well, that’s actually why I called you, Jason. I met someone.”
Jason pauses now. His eyes widen and his chest instantly hurts again.
“You…you did?” he chokes.
“Yeah, and oh my God, Jay…he is sooo amazing. He’s a really great guy, and you’re going to love him like I do. He’s not a bad guy. He’s loving, he’s kind, he’s funny, and he is so unbelievably sexy that I sometimes wonder why he’s even with me. But he is honesty the super guy in my life.” Y/N confesses breathlessly.
Jason exhales hard. “Really?”
“And…we’re getting married…in five days…and I want you there for me…for us.”
And just like that, Jason trips over his own feet when he tries to get to his bed to sit down.
#dc comics#batman#jason todd#jason todd x reader#jason todd x y/n#bruce wayne#dick grayson#tim drake#clark kent#roy harper
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How do you think Chic actually feels about the Coopers, individually and/or as a whole?
He was super weirded out by them all in the beginning. Like this woman and her daughter show up thinking he's their long lost family and he kicks them out and this crazy little girl comes BACK and fucks someone up for him and they let him into their home? Who... who does that... Then their house is this picturesque suburban nightmare dream where they have five courses for breakfast and pour orange juice into pitchers instead of drinking it straight from the bottle? Up side - three square meals a day and all the milk he can drink.
Alice - she's nutty for sure but well meaning. Cared about him despite having zero proof of was he was. Definitely needs to be medicated.
Betty - oh Betty Betty Betty. He knows he has problems but whew this girl has aome problems. At the same time she's the little sister he always wanted. He just wishes she drop that whole ~moral superiority act~ so they could wreck shit up together.
Hal - probably the one in the family with the most common sense... aka the only one who saw through him from the get go. Their relationship started off rough but like he ended up the closest with him so its all good.
Polly - honestly like... he don't know her like that. Bad timing. He blames the cult.
Juniper - that's his girl
Dagwood - honestly the kid's gotta step his game up
Overall like... he's just happy to be here. And now that he and Charles are married he gets to be a Cooper for real now. 🤧
#chic cooper#alice cooper#hal cooper#betty cooper#polly cooper#juniper cooper#dagwood cooper#juniper and dagwood
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Marinette did not sign up for this part 10: Mari plots plotting
So long time no post. I live. Ish. Also finally figured out readmore on mobile, so yay. Will take forever to edit posts now though. Explanation at the bottom First part here previous part here. Ao3 here
Marinette wanted to go on record that Mandeliev did not, in fact, give her an extra day or so to study for the test. Why? Instead, she was told she may do a paper on the application of physics in gymnastics and principles of evasion in urban areas and how to combine the two to maximize one’s ability to run away from akumas and other dangers.
Or as Nino put it: “I am tormenting you into running better, the eight page essay.”
Alya dubbed it the “Run Better Paper.”
Aurore said it should include more formulas when Marinette showed her the draft. (as Adrien would complain about lack of theories and how she should have used this advanced formula she’d never heard of instead and then Marinette would have to forcibly stop him from taking over her paper. Again.)
Kim had taken to keeping her in his hoodie, escorting her to the bakery and didn’t leave her alone until Adrien said it was his “Marinette Anxiety Watch” shift.
Which she would like to go on record, is just plain mean to say. She has Liar 100% under control when world ending things and metaphorical bomb drops aren’t happening to her constantly.
—-
Bruce tried to contact Diana and Arthur again. Hal was off world, and therefore useless.
Why?
As his missing son hadn’t contacted them yet. Was still in the Miraculous team’s custody. And he saw the footage of Robin—Damian—being hunted by a lving shadow, an element casting swordswoman, and a strategist that seemed to know exactly what to do to keep Robin cornered in battle. The living shadows—Chat Noir—tried to kill his son with Cataclysm.
That was when they were in public, and had Hal watching over them.
He didn’t want to think about what the kids might do unsupervised to someone that tried to kill Ladybug, openly stalked her civilian self, and apparently tried stalk her again, in broad daylight. And possibly may have revealed her secret identity…
From the comments, it seemed that the Parisians hadn’t connected his sons aliases to the pair, writing it off as “Copy-cat Vigilantes” thankfully. And none of them were revealing more than “so the Fashion Disaster tried to go after Chat and Ryuko’s civvie… Not A Smart CopyBird” was the most he was able to get.
His children, on the other hand…
——
“I Fucking KNEW IT!” Tim yelled. “I knew it was her!”
“But,” Jason smirked. “You didn’t tell us.”
“Soup girl, baby bat!” Cass said gleefully.
“Wait, we both talked to her—and you didn’t say you thought it was her either Cass!”
“So what I’m hearing, if my ears don’t deceive me,” Jason continued. “Is that you all lost too.”
“What—“
“Wait a minute!”
“No way—”
Cass shrugged. She was the least invested in winning. She got to meet soup girl, who is very nice and her parents are safe for Baby Bat.
“We don’t have proof,” Dick pointed out. “Didn’t you say something about her being a mouse?”
“I—”
“Well—”
“Yes.” Cass cut through Tim and Stephanie’s waffling. “She is.”
Dick rubbed his forehead. “How many secrets can one kid have?”
“Five?” Jason said without much thought. “Limit is definitely five.”
—-
“Let me get this straight,” Miss Sting began, watching Ladybug very, very carefully. Rena and Carapace were busy that night and couldn’t act as the team’s Common Sense Filter in person. and texts only went so far.
So the job fell to Aurore. To talk (probably Marinette) Ladybug out of a Very, Stupendously, Inconceivably Bad Idea.
“You want to trust Robin—the kid who tried to kill you—to contact his mother—an assassin—to talk strategy about how to take down Hawkmoth’s civilian life’s business, not kill him, and trust that they won’t kill you?”
“…I’m bringing Chat with me.”
“Ladybug.”
“What, do you want me to use a Lucky Charm to prove this is our best bet?”
“You know what?” Miss Sting threw her hands up. “Yes, yes I do.”
“Fine.” Ladybug threw her yoyo skyward. “Lucky Charm!”
A red, spotted ball with an 8 on it came down.
“… you have got to be kidding me.”
Ladybug shrugged. “Uh, Magic Eightball, is it okay to trust Robin with this?”
One shake later and the floating die window read “Without a Doubt.”
“Give me that.” Miss Sting scowled, shaking as she asked. “Should she bring someone besides Chat and Robin—like someone from our team or Wonder Woman or Aquaman?”
The ball answered “Outlook not so good.”
Miss Sting glared at the magic eight ball. “I can’t believe this!”
Ladybug shrugged. “Lucky Charms are Lucky Charms—and I gotta go.”
Miss Sting checked her beeping spinning top. Someone was just akumatized.
“Re-charge first!” Miss Sting yelled before swinging ahead.
—-
“Oh, hey, when’s Demon Spawn going to contact us?” Jason asked as other bats calmed down.
“He’s not answering his communicator.” Bruce growled. “Hal took it earlier.”
The bats paused at that.
“Well then. Trackers?”
“Disabled—what? We didn’t need anyone crashing the apology and he ran off before I could stop him,” Dick defended. He is not Damian’s keeper. Just his Batman (as yes Bruce, he is Damian’s Batman and Damian is his Robin. Current masks not-withstanding).
“Then how are we supposed to find him?” Stephanie asked as the room grew uneasy.
No one answered that.
“How’s this,” Tim began. “Me, Steph and Cass agreed on who Hawkmoth probably is, each of us has a different set of evidence for it—and I’m counting breaking into his evil Liar and the cameras catching him mid-act a few minutes ago as absolute proof.”
“I’m sorry, you did what!” Stephanie leaned over Tim’s shoulder to see. “Oh shit. Isn’t that guy—”
“One of her friends? According to their private Instagram accounts, more like partner in crime and possible Chat Noir. I mean, he’s the one that calls her his “everyday Ladybug” and voices Chat Noir in everything." Tim answered idly. “My money’s on him not knowing at all.”
Bruce twitched. Then began to add ‘stalking social media feeds’ to his to-do list tonight.
“So,” Tim stepped forward. “I suggest we send this to the Wonder Woman and ask for Robin’s comm to be returned, and failing that, I bugged the video so anything they play it on, we get access to its IP and can find where they are.”
“Have Oracle go over the bug, just in case,” Bruce told them. “In the mean time, the rest of you suit up for the night. Gotham needs its vigilantes.”
—-
Marinette wanted to go on the record that her plan (to keep the bats away) was going well. Deciding what to do with Mu—R—Damian. Damian. Damian and his offer, was a challenge.
For obvious reasons, Green Lantern, Wonder Woman and Aquaman were against her asking a bunch of assassins for their help. Chat has more than a few reservations. Carapace, Rena and Miss Sting gave her looks for that plan.
But.
But it would work. She needs more information on how to make the plan burning in the back of her mind work. It’s a lot of chaos (and she may thrive in chaotic battles but this wasn’t her usual battlefield, and her team didn’t know who they were going up against for once). And Marinette? She needs to know its not just her doing this when its so out of her depths.
So despite literally everyone and their disagreements she had Chat on her right side with Damian on her left, meeting up with his Crazy, Semi-Immortal mother. And possibly his Immortal, former Black Cat candidate, grandfather.
Why?
As Marinette isn’t trusting the likely cult that makes up the Gotham Ghost Gang (Batfam if you like them) when she can get real advice and vague directions to immortal and allied (loyal and terrifying) assassins.
And yes, she wasn’t sure if Liar was wrong or right when they said it was a bad idea too.
But fuckit she’s already got Kaalki at her shoulder, looking a bit bored at the deserted rooftop that Kaalki chose for their meeting.
“داميان*,” the woman smiled at her son. “It’s good to see you.”
“Mother,” Robin greeted. “This is Ladybug and Chat Noir. Ladybug wished to speak to you about potential strategies to take down an enemy outside of battle without violence,” Damian stressed.
“I am well-aware of the Kwami and their Chosen, اِبْن.**” The woman spoke calmly. “The League of Assassins formed to act as the Black Cat to restore the world to balance and un-burden the Order with its maintenance.” The woman offer Ladybug her hand. “I am Talia al Ghul, and I am at your service, with or without violence Ladybug.”
Marinette took her hand. “Thank you Talia. Our target being directly exposed like I planned would have…” Ladybug trailed off, thinking over the ramifications not only to Adrien, but to the whole of Gabriel’s brand, workers and all that worked with them. “Some intense ramifications I’d rather avoid.”
Talia nodded her head, waiting for more information.
“I believe its possible to topple them without affecting their employees by uncoupling them from their business, but doing so is, well, stocks and economics isn’t my strongest point.” Ladybug admitted a bit sheepishly.
“I would suggest,” Talia began, “to create a bit of chaos in the stock market. Perhaps a rumor here and there, let investors pull out and grab the abandoned stocks quickly. Consolidate them under one owner and become the company’s owner.”
Marinette twitched a bit at that. “That… sounds complicated.”
“Oh, but it isn’t. My son knows just how to that, or did you forget our lessons?” Talia asked coolly.
Damian twitched at Marinette’s side. “I did not.”
“You know,” Chat chimed in. “I do know a few things about those things. If its general chaos, well…” Chat’s face twisted in a way Marinette forgot he could do after that Chat Blanc episode.
“… I will take that into consideration.”
“Anything else?” Talia asked, watching Ladybug and her son. Specifically, how her son seemed glued to the girl’s side. “I am certain my son is able to take out your target, if all else fails.”
Damian scowled at Marinette’s side.
“However, I do believe that whatever is happening, whatever has you active, might require a more… experience hand.”
Damian brushed against her side. Code for ‘Possible Danger.’
“Thank you for the offer,” Chat moved in front of Marinette. “But mi’lady and the Guardians have that much handled.”
Talia’s eyes shifted from Chat to Ladybug, staying on her. “Is that so?”
“Yes. I merely needed more information on how to execute this type of plan, that’s all!” Ladybug almost, almost slipped into Marinette while Liar, while silenced for the moment, prodded the back of her mind. “I want to minimize collateral damage as much as I can, to everyone. The kwami already said they get to chose the target’s punishment.”
“Ah, I see.” Talia relaxed then. “You are following the kwami’s wishes. I will respect their wishes as well, Chosen.”
Marinette categorized this interaction as one of the “not too horrible, but will avoid a repeat” once they left.
—
*Damian in arabic
**son
so we have Talia now as a Player, sort of. she plays by her word pretty well so hopefully its a cameo more than anything else.
any ideas on how JL will handle the video, and if Miraculous Team should see it and freak out or only LB and keep on the dl while JL assissts in her Chaos Plot?
End of update. Will have to repost from ao3 on my phone now as desktop tumblr is being exceptionally rude. Tags always open, just takes me a bit to do—sorry to vixen for vanishing from tags
TAGS: @heldtogetherbysafetypins @laurcad123 @raisuke06 @chaosace @jeminiikrystal @toodaloo-kangaroo @kris-pines04 @bisha43rbs @izang @dreamykitty25 @emu-lumberjack @vixen-uchiha
#maribat#marinette did not sign up for this#part 10#updated at last#my writing#long post#my writings#bio!dad bruce
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Annabeth “triflers need not apply” Chase
In my last post, I said “another Annabeth hot take” as if I’ve ever posted any of my musing about Annabeth’s character (the posts Percy’s Personal Sense Of Evil and Every Time Annabeth Is Mean To Percy In The Riordanverse] do not count) here on the blue hellscape.
Two disclaimers before I write this: the first is that PJO is my jam. I’ve read those books forward and back more than five times this year. HOO...I’ve read as a whole once; read Son of Neptune twice; and recently skipped through House of Hades specifically for the parts about Tartarus. Every series beyond that in the Riordanverse (Kane, Magnus, Apollo) have been woefully neglected by me as in I haven’t even cracked the spines on them.
The second disclaimer is that I don’t like Annabeth, she’s basically the Christian Gray of the Percy Jackson series. I ship Percy with everyone who isn’t Annabeth because I think he deserves to be happy. But some people were calling for meta so here are your hot takes, folks.
Annabeth is only with Percy because he’s the chosen one.
She disdained Percy from day one, thought that he was worth less than the mud on her shoes and made sure that he knew it. This was before she found out that he’s a child of Poseidon so you can miss me with the “well their parents are enemies” bullshit. After Percy got claimed, Annabeth invited herself on his quest because she’s all about obtaining personal glory and he couldn’t say no because he only had two friends at camp (Luke and Grover).
“He wouldn’t tell her the whole thing, but he said Annabeth wasn’t destined to go on a quest yet. She had to until...somebody special came to the camp.” [...] “Annabeth wants to think every new camper who comes through here is the omen she’s been waiting for.” [Luke] (TLT, pg 102)
“I’ve been waiting a long time for a quest, seaweed brain.” [Annabeth] (TLT, pg 147)
She was silent for a few more steps. “It’s just that if you died…aside from the fact that it would really suck for you, it would mean the quest was over. This may be my only chance to see the real world.” [Annabeth] (TLT, pg 169)
Well, that’s not the only reason she’s with Percy.
Chiron made Annabeth swear on the River Styx that she would try to keep Percy from danger. Which comes in handy during the Last Olympian, when she takes Ethan’s dagger for Percy (saving his life) but sucks for her because now her life is tied to his forever. Maybe that’s why she calls Percy crazy literally every time that he has a plan.
“Swear you will do your best to keep Percy from danger,” he insisted. “Swear upon the River Styx.”
“I-I swear it upon the River Styx,” Annabeth said.
Thunder rumbled outside. [SOM, pg 54)
Actually Annabeth is the creepy one.
Luke always refers to Annabeth as such: daughter, little sister, cousin, family. From the moment he saw her, it was a familial love for him. He constantly reminds her that they were a family and that he wants to be a family.
Annabeth, on the other hand, likes to call him “family” but she has a mad crush on Luke for the entire series that has got to be super weird for Luke. It was super weird for me, the reader. This girl can’t even hug Luke without panting like a bitch in heat (yeah, I said it, and I refuse to take it back).
“This is Luke,” Annabeth said, and her voice sounded different somehow. I glanced over and could’ve sworn she was blushing. (TLT, pg 84)
Annabeth blushed, like she always did when Luke was around. (TLT, pg 151)
Luke patted Grover’s head between his horns, then gave a goodbye hug to Annabeth, who looked like she might pass out. After Luke was gone, I told her, “You’re hyperventilating.” (TLT, pg 151)
It isn’t until Luke is literally on his death bed that Annabeth finally agrees that he’s a brother to her.
“Did you...” Luke coughed and his lips glistened red. “Did you love me?”
“You were like a brother to me, Luke,” she said softly. “But I didn’t love you.”
He nodded, as if he’d expected it. (TLO, pg 337/338)
NO SHIT HE EXPECTED IT. LUKE HAS BEEN AIMING FOR THIS FOR FIVE FUCKING YEARS. HIS ENTIRE LIFE IS ALL ABOUT FINDING A FAMILY THAT LOVES HIM (and equal rights for all demigods).
Then there’s the other creepy stuff
Remember that time that she stalked Percy and fans are like “well it’s so romantic!” You’re the same people who thought Edward watching Bella sleep without her knowledge or consent was sexy.
I thought I saw a shadow flicker across the glass – a humanlike shape. (SOM, pg 3)
As I stepped outside, I glanced at the brownstone building across the street. Just for a second I saw a dark shape in the morning sunlight – a human silhouette against the brick wall, a shadow that belonged to no one. Then it rippled and vanished. (SOM, pg 7)
[Percy realizes Annabeth has been stalking him] “Pretty much all morning.” She sheathed her bronze knife. “I’ve been trying to find a good time to talk to you, but you were never alone.” [ … ] “There’s no time to explain!” she snapped, though she looked a little red-faced herself. (SOM, pg 23)
For those of you who are like “well she was waiting for him to be alone!” First of all, bitch it’s called knocking on the door and asking to speak to someone like a normal human being. But if that isn’t good enough for you, HE WAS ALONE RIGHT AFTER HE WALKED OUT OF HIS BUILDING. Talk to him then.
But we all know the real reason she’s creeping outside Percy’s window. She’s a peeping tom. Anyone who has been around teenage boys (like, say, the girl who lived with teenage boys for five years) would know that the morning isn’t really the best time to be creeping outside a dude’s window unless you’re hoping for a show.
All she cares about is glory.
Look, we know she’s a glory hound. Annabeth is in this war for the sweet, sweet recognition. She doesn’t care about the unclaimed demigods, she doesn’t care about all of the minor demigods being shoved in one cabin (here’s more info on that). Annabeth is off in her own little world where she’s the only thing that matters.
Meanwhile, our boy Percy is fighting for his mom. And then he’s fighting for his best friend. He actually looks at Camp Half-Blood and goes “maybe this isn’t really right...” Yes, it takes him forever to get to the point where he’s like “Oh, Luke was right about everything” but he does get there.
And then there’s our sweet baby angel, Luke Castellan, fighting from the get-go for fair treatment. Because Luke has suffered his whole life (since he was literally an infant); because Hal Green died to save Luke; because Luke has spent five years in a cabin full of kids who are hurting and whose pain is entirely preventable; because at fourteen, he thinks of himself (and Thalia) as heroes but Hermes says that he needs to go on a quest to be a great hero, so Luke does and it turns out to be the worst mistake he made in his life (up until Kronos).
Which brings up a point, Luke always thought that they were heroes. For him, just being demigods and fighting monsters made them heroes. He didn’t need to go on a quest to prove himself to anyone. But for Annabeth, that is never enough. She needs to go bigger and bigger and bigger.
Glory and being better than everyone else...
Wow, here we are again talking about Annabeth and Percy’s relationship. I really wish we couldn’t, because I’ve already taken literal days to find every instance of Annabeth being a dick to Percy (in the PJO series) and writing them down, conveniently located here if you’re interested in reading it... But it just keeps coming up.
So, being better than everyone else. Where do I begin with that? How about the times that Annabeth thinks that the children of Demeter, yes Demeter the major goddess of the earth, are weak? Or the children of Aphrodite, you know, like Piper who charmspoke Gaea to sleep or Silena who charged into battle against a drakon are nothing but whisy washy airheads? Or really, anyone who isn’t booksmart like her. Like Percy, for instance.
Annabeth’s nickname for Percy means stupid. Every time she uses it, she’s calling him stupid. You know, when she doesn’t actually use the word stupid or idiot. She’s also very fond of calling Percy’s plans crazy, every time he has a plan, despite the fact that his plans have never failed. Now who’s crazy, Annabeth?
For real, though, she’s doing this because she wants to keep him in his place. Annabeth is shit for Percy’s self esteem. She constantly berates him for every little thing he does. She threatens to (and does) hit him on multiple occasions. Every time Percy says or does anything around Annabeth, he always thinks she’s going to punch me.
GUYS THAT ISN’T CUTE. GUYS REMEMBER HOW PERCY USED TO GET PUNCHED INTO UNCONSCIOUSNESS BY HIS STEPDAD?
Oh, and does everyone remember where Annabeth mocked Percy’s every choice in TLT but in Battle Of The Labyrinth where Annabeth is put in charge of the quest for the first time and she spends most of it freaking out and cracking under the pressure. It sounds like someone isn’t actually as good as she thought was.
I know I said I wasn’t going to talk about this but in Tartarus, Annabeth is scared of Percy. He’s stronger than even she knew. Percy just wakes up from passing out and kills Arachne before Annabeth can even move. That caught her by surprise. Percy manipulates poison in an attempt to kill the goddess of misery, who has just tricked them and is planning on killing them. Annabeth immediately shuts that down. Because Percy isn’t allowed to be that powerful. She also freaks out when Percy jumps blind over a 20ft chasm while holding her because she didn’t know he could do that.
And Percy is so used to not arguing with her (because she’s going to kick his butt, because it just isn’t worth it) that he just accepts it.
Her home life didn’t suck that bad.
Because I was just talking about Tartarus, Percy says that it smells like Gabe in Tartarus and Annabeth....laughs? She thinks he’s joking. She thinks he’s trying to cheer her up. Why would she think that when they’re in literal hell and Gabe abused Percy for years? Because she’s on a different plane of existence than everyone else.
Annabeth’s home life didn’t actually suck in the way that she’s told everyone it did. It sucked that she got attacked by monsters. It sucked that Arachne sent spiders to scare her for three nights.
Her parents don’t suck. Not even Athena. After ten years of hanging around all of these abused, neglected, traumatized people she finally got...what is it called? Oh yeah, some fucking perspective.
Frederick and Mrs. Chase (who doesn’t even have a name) did their best. There’s absolutely nothing unreasonable about Frederick not wanting Annabeth when she floated down from the heavens like the little Grinch she is. The dude had a few conversations with a woman and the next thing he knows, she’s dropping off a baby and won’t even help him raise it? Yeah, no thanks.
Either way, the entire family was getting attacked because of Annabeth’s presence in the house. So Mrs. Chase not letting her kids play with Annabeth? Makes total sense. It’s like quarantining the kid with chicken pox so that the rest don’t get it.
Fighting about how to handle being attacked regularly? Also makes total sense but the fact that Frederick and Mrs. Chase stayed together is like couple goals. They’re the real power couple of the series.
You know what else makes total sense? Thinking that Annabeth had a series of bad dreams about spiders because Mrs. Chase and her husband are mortals with mortal sight and cannot see divine shit.
Is all of this terribly confusing for a child? Yes. Does her family deserve to die or be vilified because she’s too young for logical thought? No.
Plus they kept asking her to come home. And when she finally did, she ran away again shortly after? She does this twice. Frederick literally flew into battle for her. She is so ungrateful for what she has (she’s rich, with a family who loves her. Literally her only problem is monster attacks).
Annabeth wasn’t homeless for that long
Look, Annabeth ran away from home between July 12, 2000 (her 7th birthday) and was at Camp Half-Blood by December 22, 2000 (which would have been Thalia’s 13th birthday). Her first couple of months were spent alone...unless you count Athena helping her fight monsters and guiding her towards Luke and Thalia.
Which directly breaks the Don’t Interfere Rule. You know, the one that Hermes used as an excuse for not helping his nine-year-old son while he was homeless for five years. Yeah. That one.
Luke and Thalia took really good care of her for those few months. Annabeth mentions that the three of them built shelters all over the place, and since Luke doesn’t mention shelters in his diary or any (pre-Annabeth) flashbacks, we can assume that they built those specifically because they adopted a little girl.
The whole “Family, Luke. You promised.” Is bullshit.
Here’s why. First of all, Luke was fourteen, a baby, barely out of puberty when he made that promise to be a family. He’s only ever wanted to be loved his entire life so that was him desperately trying to add another member to what he considered to be his family (Thalia never considered them family). He also never hurts her (see my post about holding the sky for more details).
Annabeth was with Luke and Thalia for a couple of months at maximum. Then Thalia dies. Luke and Annabeth are split up into different cabins so they cannot eat, sleep in the same room, or do activities together except during the off-season. Annabeth does her best to get into Luke’s pants because I don’t know what else to call it when you pant all over the person hugging you.
Luke also asks Annabeth to join him and be a family again for three whole books to which she repeatedly says no. His last attempt at being a family and keeping his promise happens literally before Kronos possesses him (after which, it is far too late to be a family because Luke barely exists anymore).
“He came under a flag of truce. He said he only wanted five minutes to talk. He looked scared, Percy. He told me Kronos was going to use him to take over the world. He said he wanted to run away, like the old days. He wanted me to come with him. [...] I told him no way. He got mad. He said...he said I might as well fight him right there, because it was the last chance I’d get.” [Annabeth] (TLO, pg 201).
Luke asks her to kill him because if he can’t escape Kronos and can’t have his family back, then Luke just doesn’t want to live anymore. Then he dies knowing that Annabeth doesn’t know that familial and platonic love are things so her “you’re my brother but I don’t love you” actually means that Luke dies thinking no one loves him. Probably why Luke immediately turned to Percy with his request for positive change. At least Luke can count on Percy to let him know that his entire life and death weren’t meaningless.
.Fin. Fucking finally.
#percabeth#annabeth chase#percy jackson#luke castellan#pjo#percy jackson series#riordanverse#long post#meta
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TEE... TELL US ABOUT THE ARROWFAM ON YOUR EARTH.... TEE THAT SNIPPET MADE ME FEEL THINGS....
so i lost the first draft of this but let’s try again!!
ok ok ok this is gonna be a long one though bc when it comes to the e82 arrowfam, i am very “head full, many thoughts”
first things first: when i talk abt the arrowfam, i am talking about ollie queen, hal jordan, dinah lance, roy harper, artemis nguyen, connor hawke, cissie king-jones, mia dearden, emiko & robert queen, sin lance, and lian harper. eventually ollie&dinah have a daughter together named olivia and some of the older kids (roy, artemis, and connor specifically) start families as well. there’s also characters like eddie fyers, moonday hawke, and john diggle who show up a lot. oh! i’ve also been considering transplanting thea queen from arrow bc fuck arrowverse but i love her and ollie still deserves a little sister, which emiko is not here.
ok with that explanation out of the way, i’m gonna say that ollie, hal, roy, connor, cissie, and mia all basically keep their canon origins with the only real difference being that cissie is ollie’s biological daughter and he takes her in when he learns of this and bonnie’s abuse.
with the rest though,, hoo boy do i change the backstories.
here i went into dinah’s new backstory, here i went into artemis’s, and here i talk about emiko and robert!
sin lance was born sinta wu, the daughter of lady shiva and a man she met during her travels. shiva had no more desire to raise sin then she did cass, but she had no one better to raise sin. when sin was five years old, shiva & dinah began training together and eventually shiva decided that dinah was both a good enough protector and a good enough maternal figure for sin and asked dinah to take her in. dinah was conflicted at first, but eventually decided to take her in and raise her as her own.
the first thing you need to know about lian, is that she doesn’t die and roy doesn’t have to kidnap her from jade. jade joined the league of assassins when she was fourteen, when talia found her living on the streets of gotham and found her an excellent fighter, due to crusher crock and paula nguyen’s training of her. jade was damian’s primary caretaker and saw the toll it took for a child to grow up within the league so when she found out she was pregnant, she knew immediately that she was going to give lian to roy. she named her daughter lian talia harper on the day she was born, gave her to roy very shortly afterwards and then disappeared from their lives nearly completely for several years afterwards. lian grows up with her dad&aunt and is adored by them. lian’s best friends are 1) auntie dinah’s daughter sin and 2) uncle wally’s kids irey and jai. she is a very happy little girl who is spoiled relentlessly by everyone who knows her.
if u wanna know anything else i am more than happy to ramble on! just know that ollie is an amazing dad who does his best and messes up a lot but is still just. a very good dad.
#tee answers#maeve tag#arrowfam#ollie queen#sin lance#lian harper#earth 82#my personal dc reboot#dc#long post
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Getting to Know More
Fun facts about Terry McGinnis:
He was a notorious middle child in a HUGE family: Dick, Jason, Athanasia, Cassandra, Tim, Duke, Damian, Alina, himself, Helena, Thomas, Bruce Jr., and Matt. His extended family included Dick’s wife, and Dick’s kids, Thomas, Mar’i, and Jake; Jason’s adopted daughter Lian Harper; Tim’s wife, Stephanie; and Duke’s wife; Claire Clover. His extended, extended family also had Uncle Luke’s and Aunt Babs’ kids; Carrie and Nell, Bette Kane, Grampa Lucius, and, well, at this point one got the picture; huge ass colony of Bats living in Gotham here.
He shredded it where skateboard, hockey, motocross were concerned, but he had the coordination of a spaz for baseball and surfing.
His mom was awesome on epic proportions. Seriously, he didn’t know how she did it but she redefined super mom.
Another thing to know, he totally did not have a crush on the Princess of Atlantis, he was only going with her to this movie because he happened to like it, and because Mareena was the only chick he knew who didn’t like chick flicks (Mar’i, Helena, Lian, and Max could all go Suck It! He was going to see a damn action flick if it fucking killed him this year!) Mareena just also happened to like action flicks, which was why she was here with him.
Standing there in the theatre line he tried not to stare at Mareena who was hiding her identity under a hoodie she had stolen from his room when she had walk up to the Manor with a movie for them to see. Mareena did not have friends in Atlantis who appreciated the arts of action flicks. Terry didn’t care though, he was no longer being that weirdo who was going to a theatre alone. Also, she was a chick Dana could not get jealous over and drive him insane. He would think college meant that the drama would die off with the age grow up, but apparently not. And he was not getting blue balls because Dana was having imaginary jealous fits over imaginary slights.
“Why can the line not move faster,” Mareena huffed.
“Because the line is moving this pace because people are slow. Besides, we’re ahead of the line for the premiere line,” he jabbed his thumb over his shoulder to show her. Mareena frowned.
“You people are annoying,” Mareena said icily.
“How are we annoying, you wanted to go to this movie, so I’m going with you to see this movie,” he said.
“I would’ve asked someone else, but,” she started.
“There’s no one but Don and Dawn, and we both know there’s no way in hell that Barry and Iris would let them come.”
“I could’ve gone to New Krypton,” Mareena argued.
“Oh yes, because watching their movies is so entertaining,” Terry rolled his eyes.
“You land dwellers have no appreciation for the fine arts of moving with a flow,” Mareena argued.
“Pipe down, and don’t draw attention of the paparazzi,” he snapped when her hood started falling off of her head, which had him pulling it more firmly over the green hair of hers. Only disadvantage of going to the movies with Mareena was the fact her hair glowed in the dark. But other than that, trade offs, made it worth it!
“You do realize they’d be more inclined to notice you and not me, right?”
“I’m wearing a Gotham Knights cap, and I am not royalty, I’m just one of a hundred Wayne kids,” Terry point out.
“I thought you were a Prince,” Mareena said.
“No, I’m a Wayne,” he said. “Not royalty.”
“You are also…” she held up her index fingers by her head and smiled a bit.
“Yeah, but that doesn’t count,” he shrugged. Dick had been Batman, Jason had briefly been to save Dick’s wedding, Cass currently was, Damian was next. It wasn’t anything special anymore, it wasn’t special in the family he belonged in. Though B was still the control freak behind the scenes for them so technically B was still the Bat.
“Why not?”
“Cause B’s the big man in charge.”
“Your dad is in a wheelchair,” Mareena pointed out.
“Partial paralyses is not a disability, it just means his legs have to take a break sometimes and Mom has to push him around, it’s not abnormal to what normally happens with him,” he shrugged.
“You guys have issues,” Mareena stated.
Terry merely shrugged. “Dad’s fine, we’re fine, it’s all fine!” he snorted.
“Last time you said that everything was on fire,” Mareena stated.
“Let me restate we’re fine. But mostly keep your hair away so I don’t have to explain to Dana why the hell I’m seen with another woman.” Terry stated.
“Ah, the nefarious Dana, why are you still dating that woman?” Mareena asked. “She was bratty when you were a teen, she’s worse now.”
“Not all of us get fairy tale romances,” Terry shrugged. “Besides, I like sex, sex is a great relief to the stress of everything.”
“You sound like a cad.”
“You should hear my sisters talk,” he shrugged. Mar’i, Helena, Max, and Lian were way worse than him about the sex talks, girls were all about feelings, and emotions and connections, it was annoying, and they always talked about it and guys! Terry probably knew more about women than the average guy and it was a disturbing amount information his sisters had given him. And just to clarify, he thought of Mar’i, Lian and Max as his sisters because he had known them since he was in diapers! It was hard to think of them as anything remotely close to something other than sisters.
“And you shouldn’t knock down romance,” Mareena stated. “Your family has the most epic love stories according to my father. Other than maybe Diana and Steve’s.”
“You’re nuts!” he sputtered.
“Am not, the story of B and Selina, Dick and Kori, Jason and Raven, Tim and Stephanie, B and Talia,” she stated. “Epic romances.”
“That’s just gross, and disturbing to think about my family’s love lives,” he grimaced.
“You guys are secret sweethearts I bet,” Mareena decided with a cheeky smile.
“We are the Knight! We are the Terror of Nightmares! We are NOT Sweethearts! Even Alina is even an epic of epic badasses,” he argued. His phone buzzed and he pulled it out to see the text was from his mom.
“What’s up?”
“After the movie we need to go get Matt, Carrie, Tommy and Nell from school. Babs and Luke had to go to Africa,” he said.
“Oh.”
“So we’ll get them, get a slice, and then I’ll drop you off, or are you tubing?” he asked.
“Why would I be tubing?”
“Cause it’s up or down with you,” he retorted.
“Can I stay? I haven’t hung around the surface too much, and I do not want to go to the Tower,” she said.
“Yeah. Julia will help us set up a room for you,” Terry said. Julia had come to Gotham recently because Alfred was sick.
“Who is Julia?” Mareena asked.
“Julia is Alfred’s daughter,” he answered.
“Alfred is not B’s father?” she said in bizarre wonderment.
“Uh… yeah, not a secret,” he pointed out. “Alfred is awesome, and he’s totally grandpa, but he’s not blood.” Terry shrugged.
“WHAT!?” Mareena sputtered. Terry jumped a bit as he stared at her bewildered expressioned.
“What!?”
“He’s not blood!?”
“No, I mean, like ninety percent of my family isn’t blood.”
“Really?”
“Yeah,” he shrugged. “It’s not news.”
“I…” she started. “I always thought you were related,” he said.
“Really?”
“Black hair, blue eyes, ungodly pale.”
“What about Duke or Damian!?” he sputtered.
“Okay, so you don’t all look alike,” she rolled her eyes.
“Exactly, and we are all pretty much adopted. Only Athanasia, Damian, Alina, Helena, Tommy, Junior, Matt and I are actually B’s blood kids.”
“I thought you were just… you know, cause you’re a huge family and dad says B started young, really young, so I just assumed,” she shrugged.
“It’s all public record,” he shrugged. “B hasn’t been shy about it. Dick, Babs, Jason, Cass, Tim, Duke, Steph, technically and kind of, Harper, Cullen, Bette, and Renee.”
“I just thought you were related, and I thought you were also, you know,” she shrugged innocently.
“What else did you think we were!?” He sputtered.
“Vampires,” she said innocently.
“I hate dad for starting that rumor,” Terry muttered sourly.
“That one is funny though!” She persisted. “Hal told me, before I met you guys, that you were all demons.”
“Well, Rae is,” he shrugged.
“I thought your dad was big anti- anything that isn’t human marrying into my family,” Mareena said.
“Luci made valid points which had B accepting the fact marrying into a family as divine and powerful as Rae’s is a… you know, it’s kind of a divine honor,” Terry shrugged. “Besides, I didn’t know they weren’t married until they were officially married.”
“You didn’t know they weren’t married?” Mareena asked.
“They’ve been together since I was in diapers,” Terry shrugged.
“Really?”
“Yes really. I’m pretty sure they were the ones who found me,” Terry said.
“I’m learning more about you than I ever thought possible.”
“All of this is actually public record.”
“Really?” she asked skeptically.
“My biological mother was Mary McGinnis, she was married to Warren McGinnis, they died in a car crash when I was three days old and they were driving home from the hospital. I’m technically property of A.R.G.U.S. so Waller took me in, Jason found me about a year later,” Terry explained.
“That’s weird,” she decided.
“No, what’s weirder is the fact that Matt is my full brother,” Terry stated. “Mary and Warren were dead five years before Matt was even conceived, and he’s my full brother.”
“What?”
“Yeah.”
“I thought you were B’s blood son,” Mareena said carefully.
“I am. Waller injected a serum into Warren McGinnis’ DNA to scramble his own DNA to match with Bruce’s. Warren was a chimera essentially thanks to Waller’s tinkering,” Terry said. “I’m a ‘clone’ of Bruce’s in a way or I was supposed to be with what Waller set up, and I’m his son, but NO, he did not get involved in the conception of me or my blood brother Matt. He’s the genetic material for us. He’s still Dad though since he’s well, Dad,” Terry shrugged.
“That’s complicated.”
“That’s my family. Also, completely public record,” he shrugged.
“You’re not normal,” she said icily.
“What!? I’m completely normal! I’m going to a movie, and with you no less, in broad daylight, and I’m not turning to ash because of the sun either!” he smiled.
“You’re sounding like a assbutt,” she muttered.
“Asshole,” he corrected. “And you started it.”
“What did you expect from my family?” she asked.
“Lots of energy,” he answered honestly. “Dad always said that you guys were energetic like no tomorrow and wild, also unpredictable, dangerous, and loud, very loud.”
“You expected that!?” she sputtered.
“Did you think I was expecting a mermaid from Little Mermaid, fishtail and all?” he asked her.
“Yes!”
“Nah,” he shrugged.
“You’re an ass,” she informed him.
“I’m aware.”
“Good.”
“Besides, I’m a you know,” he shrugged. “Being unpleasant and assholes in general are required.”
“Oh! The ticket booth! And next time we are dropping your family name to get into the movie.”
“You wanted to be a normal American teen this time instead of being a Princess of you know,” he said.
“I did not want that. You wanted that. Freaking love of invisibility. I swear if you were metas you’d all be like that.”
“Rae cast an invisibility spell once, that was awesome, terrifying and cool.”
“Why!?”
“Oh, the demons were hunting her, I was like seven, and it was a giant hide and seek game,” Terry said.
“That’s not normal.”
“You grew up under the sea,” he pointed out.
“You grew up in Gotham.”
“I don’t like you right now,” she decided.
“You adore me, I’m paying for the movie,” he pointed out.
“True,” she decided.
“Awe, you two are an adorable couple!” the ticket attendant said when they stepped up to buy the tickets for S.O.S. “First date?”
“We’re not a couple,” Terry stated as he paid for the tickets.
“But we are friends!” Mareena declared slinging her arm around his shoulders.
“Barely.”
“You adore me!” she declared.
Terry rolled his eyes as the ticket clerk chuckled but gave them their tickets. “I’ll spring for the snacks, you get the good seats,” he ordered as they had their ticket punched and walked into the crowd.
#bluboothalassophile#fanfic#one shot#hopes for a bastard spoilers#hopes for a bastard universe#terry mcginnis#mareena curry
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Loving The Alien (Part 8)
“Blood and Bone”
(Ao3)
For electronicpencil, and the anons who want Megamind to be reptilian.
Megamind stayed for ten more minutes that night, after showing her his flaky neck. He says it only gets worse, since it just begun, and unless she wanted his flakes flying everywhere he should leave. So, despite his original resentment of her lips on any part of him, she gives him a peck on his nose and tells him to drive home safely.
She doesn’t hear from him for the next six days.
And it’s—concerning. She's so used to seeing his face now, in her own home, that when she returns to work after her short leave all she can think about is if he’s okay (honestly, she shouldn’t worry, he said molting was perfectly normal and it will continue to happen until he dies).
Still, though, she’s a little worried. She had no way of getting in contact with him.
“Hey, Roxa-roo,” her red-haired cameraman says, once her report from outside of the Metro Man museum is over (talking about Megamind’s absence—she knows the truth but this is basically a report on nothing). “I was thinkin’, since old Megs is like, probably dead, you wanna come over for some pizza to celebrate? My treat!”
Roxanne resists the strong urge to tell him off. Megamind’s death would in no way be a celebration. “No thanks, Hal, I’ve got dinner plans.”
“Oh,” he said, shoulders slumping. “Maybe next time?”
“Maybe.” For all that he was, Hal was a good cameraman, but his boyfriend material was far, far from what she found desirable.
“Okay. See you later, Roxie!”
She hated that name.
-------------------
She lied when she said she had dinner plans. If anything, she may eat a cup of noodles, but she ends up taking a walk in the park. It’s so late that everyone has gone home, leaving the trails void of any soul. The summer night felt lovely against her skin, prompting her to remove her jacket, leaving her in her ruffled blue dress. Eventually, she sits on a bench, enjoying the sound of the wind in the trees, and the absence of any person around.
Or so she thought.
“Nice night?”
She jolts and spins around in her seat, her blue eyes landing on the one sight she wanted most to see.
“Megamind!” She exclaims, her face lighting up in delight as he approached her.
He’s wearing jeans, of all things. Jeans and combat boots, with a dark blue top and a leather jacket with the collar turned up. His tail swishes around as she runs up to him, so overjoyed to see him she literally jumps him, sending them both to the ground.
He grips her lower back as they land in the grass, laughing as she squeals his name again. “You’re back!”
“I never left,” he chuckles, arching his neck as she places sloppy, desperate kisses along his jaw. “I was just being gross and taking a lot of showers.”
“You couldn’t be gross to me if you bathed in the garbage. Wait. Actually, I take that back. I do enjoy nice smells. I have standards.”
He laughs heartily at that, rolling her over until she’s pinned beneath him. She can see his tail behind him, raised up as his weight presses her into the ground. “Then tell me now, Miss Ritchi. Do I smell?”
She pressed her nose to his neck. He shivers at her touch. “You smell amazing.” And he did. Like something she’d find at a pricey perfume store for a million bucks, but it was so light she found herself chasing the scent because it filled her with such pleasure. There was also something she knew was just plain him, like autumn wind and dark chocolate and fresh leather. Overall he smelled really good, and not to mention his skin felt fucking greeeeeat. She hadn’t realized it until now that the days leading up to his “shedding”, his skin had felt dryer than usual.
“I missed you,” she found herself saying. He tilted his head, smiling softly. “Hey, Megamind?”
“Hmm?” He let out a little purr, moving off of her so they could both sit up.
“Are you… still a villain?”
He sat for a quiet minute, staring at the shaking leaves of the tree they found themselves under.
“I don’t really know anymore.”
“How come?”
“I… Roxanne, I’ve been bad my whole life,” he flopped down on his back, staring at the sky. “The only thing I’m good at is trying to beat Mr. Perfect Hair.”
“You and I both know that’s basically impossible, but that’s beside the point. Megamind, you’re brilliant. You have so much to offer the world besides trying to blow stuff up.”
“Or kidnap you?”
She rolled her eyes, but playfully. “Or kidnap me. Seriously, sweetheart, from the start I knew you weren’t all that bad.”
“Because I suck that much?”
“No,” she said sharply. “You never really tried to hurt me. In all these years it became obvious you were never evil.”
“Tell that to the rest of the world.”
“You’d be surprised.” Roxanne lays down beside him, placing a hand on his chest. “My parents live out in the boonies. Country land.”
“I know. They own a farm.”
Of course he’d know. “The point is, is that they were so proud of me when I went to college and started my path to being a news reporter. Not the place I imagined myself being as a kid, but I was happy and they were happy with my decision.” She put her head on his chest. To her mild surprise, his heart is much louder than a human’s, and at least twice as fast. “My mom barely passed high school. My dad dropped out before senior year. He inherited the farm from my granddad because his mom wanted nothing to do with it. They’re simple people. Quiet, even. And they were so overjoyed that I’d finished my education. But you wanna know something?”
She can see he doesn’t understand where she’s going with this, but he’s paying close attention.
“When you kidnapped me the first time both of them came up here in the old pick up truck and nearly demanded me to come back home. They did this for the first five times. After that, they started to realize something.”
“What?” He asks it like his life depends on it.
“Do you remember our fifth kidnapping?”
He purses his blue lips. “I remember each and everyone.”
“You could have let me fall off the cliff you had dangled me off of,” she said, leaning up again to meet his vibrant green eyes. “But you nearly risked your own life to save mine when the rope snapped unexpectedly.”
He doesn’t respond.
“They saw that. There are a lot of other people who saw that, too. You’ve done a lot of insane and illegal things, Megamind, but being evil isn’t one of them.”
He swallows.
“Now,” she leans in closer. “Are you going to lay here all night or kiss me, lover?”
He doesn’t need to be told twice.
She’s suddenly on her back again, this time with her wrists pinned above her head as he assaults her mouth with the most intense kiss they’ve shared yet. He tried to mold his mouth onto hers, their noses bumping against each other. She moans and arches her back, feeling him wriggle against her until she parts her legs to allow him perches between her thighs.
With his heavier-than-expected weight, she can feel his slim figure move atop hers, grinding into her in the most pleasant way. She opens her mouth in another moan of encouragement, happy to feel his slick tongue touch her bottom lip.
“Megamind,” she exclaims, feeling him grind against her womanhood. He murmurs her name against her neck, making it sound like a plea to God Himself as he laved her skin, dragging his long tongue down to her collarbone.
For a brief moment, she feels—she feels something hard press against her through his jeans—
And then he’s gone—
Someone is shouting her name, and Megamind’s—
“Megamind!” She shouts, sitting up at the speed of light because he had been literally yanked off of her. He’s—dangling, in the air, by his tail.
Out of costume, Metro Man was just plain old Wayne Scott. Poster boy for perfection and all that was righteous. Right now, the buff man was in jeans as well but wore a plain white dress shirt and a gray jacket. His face, though, wore absolute fury.
“This is what you’ve been doing!?” He demands, voice booming. “Molesting Roxie!?”
“Put me down!” Megamind roars, flailing all his limbs, face turning a light shade of purple as seemingly all the blood in his body rushed to his head.
“Stop it!” She shouts, wanting to grab Wayne by the ears and tell him off because Megamind was doing nothing wrong what so ever. She can barely watch it because never has he tried to carry Megamind by the tail and never has she seen him strong enough to hold himself upside down by it. Carry things, sometimes, but he wasn’t a monkey.
“Jesus, and to think I was actually worried about you,” Wayne seethes, and actually—he yanks Megamind by swinging him—and—
Good God what the fuck is he doing to him—
She can’t hear herself shouting Megamind’s name, but she feels her voice rip through her throat because suddenly she’s throwing herself to the ground beside him as he falls to the floor in a loud thump, and something wet and warm splattering a part of her face.
Wayne lands beside them with all the grace in the world, dropping—dropping—it to the ground—
She has zero idea of what to do. This was never done before. Wayne always roughed his nemesis up a bit before bringing him to jail. Never—never really hurting him—
“Megamind,” she sobs, helping his shaking form to lean upon his hands and knees, clutching him to her chest. “Oh, Megamind—“
His beautiful, perfect tail is lying on the ground just a foot away, blood pooling at the base of it. Never before had she seen it so limp. Now—now it wasn’t even apart of—
“WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!?” She shouts at the superhero as loud as possible.
“Um—“ Now, Wayne looks confused. Megamind says nothing, but clutches onto her with his face in her chest, still quaking with tremors of clear agony. His feet kick at the ground.
“HE WAS DOING NOTHING WRONG!”
Now the hero goes pale, and his eyes dart from Megamind to her, to the tail, to—
“W-what?”
“You idiot!” She cries, holding onto Megamind tighter. In her horror and wrath, she has enough brain cells in her to tell her to put pressure on the wound. “He wasn’t molesting me! I wanted it!”
“You—what?!”
Megamind, still shaking, turns his head to face his life-long enemy. “Still can’t resist pulling it off, can you?”
Not really understanding what he meant by this, she just holds onto him and shouts, “Take us home, right now, or I will scream so loud even your ears will burst!”
Wayne, still confused and stuttering manages to pull himself together and pick both of them up. She grabs onto Megamind’s tail and holds it close, knowing it should be put into ice or something until they can reattach it. They can reattach it, right? It’s possible to do that will plenty of detached limbs—
They get to her apartment through the balcony, and she rushes inside and puts Megamind on the sofa. He’s—he’s unconscious, and his blood has seeped into her outfit and it’s on her hands and—
“What did you mean, you wanted it to happen?” Wayne’s asking her, standing in the middle of the room looking dumbfounded. “He was—asulting you!”
“It’s called making out, you ass!” She shouts, grabbing the vase Megamind replaced the previous one with and throws it at him. He’s unaffected. “And he’s good! He’s fine! He’s not hurting anybody anymore!” She throws a book at his head. “You tore his fucking tail off what the fucking fuck is wrong with you!?”
“Roxanne—“ he pauses as she throws a chair at him. “Roxanne, he’s gonna be okay. This has happened before.”
“W—“ She lowers the dictionary in her hands. “What do you mean?”
“It grows back,” he said, looking mildly weirded out. “Like a lizard.”
I’m not a lizard, Megamind’s voice echoes in her head.
She throws the dictionary at him anyway.
“Get out of my apartment, Wayne.”
He leaves.
And now she’s alone with a tailless, unconscious Megamind, and she’s got no earthly idea what to do.
#loving the alien#i'm so sorry#megamind#roxanne ritchi#megarox#megamind x roxanne#tw; gore#tw;violence#tw; blood
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I haven't been able to tolerate a comics news site since ComicsAlliance shut down so what news out of SDCC is actually worth knowing about?
I’ve gotten so many questions regarding SDCC-related news that I figured I’d just do one big post, and this seems as opportune an ask to build that off of as any. To kick off, in terms of news that’s not for me but is a big deal, there’s a trailer for the next season of Doctor Who, and Star Wars: Clone Wars is shockingly coming back for a final reduced season years after the fact. Congrats to the fans of both franchises! Plus yesterday we got the announcement of Orlando and Foreman’s Electric Warriors for DC (as well as Orlando’s Dead Kings with Matt Smith at Aftershock Comics) and the Wonder Woman/Justice League Dark October crossover.
So first and foremost in terms of the reaction it picked up, OH MY GOD:
youtube
It’s like the Bat In The Sun team handed over their production to their shitty kids but made them work off a third of the budget. I kept seeing the jokes about it on Twitter, and I kept thinking they were surely hilarious exaggerations, AND NOT A ONE OF THEM EVEN SLIGHTLY WAS. At least it now makes sense why Hawk and Dove is here, given the Liefeld connection: this is 90s as helllllllllllllllllllllll, and while a part of me hopes it swerves unexpectedly in a couple seasons into Fun 90s DC with Starman and Wally West and an Electric Blue Superboy and Titans One Million, I can’t pretend I wouldn’t gleefully hatewatch this if it wasn’t behind a paywall. What it really comes down to is that, as I saw someone mention, the over-the-top content warning at the beginning isn’t actually by any means to get rid of anyone under 18, but specifically to appeal to them over anyone over it: there is nothing about this show not precision-crafted to appeal to teenagers watching something they technically aren’t supposed to, since anyone older than that will just laugh until the stars grow cold. And while it’s one line in particular that’s rightfully drawn all the attention, to me the clear defining moment is Beast Boy taking his big goofy dramatic leap, and you expect him to transform, but that ain’t happening (I fully expect he’ll just have claws and growl and do assorted Wolverine shit instead), because that kind of thing is for STUPID KIDS, whereas this is RAD.
RAD, dare I say…to the EXTREME.
Also, the pilot Robin’s scene was presumably drawn from was written by Akiva Goldsman, Greg Berlanti, and Geoff Johns. So was it the guy behind Batman & Robin, the guy behind the CWverse, or the recent President of DC Comics who ushered FUCK BATMAN into the world? Because all three of those possibilities are equally hilarious. In any case, the rubicon has been crossed: easily one of the top ten, probably one of the five or so most iconic superheroes of all time said fuck in a piece of mass media. Where we go from here, nobody knows. But at the very least I’ll take the L for my original certainty that this would take place in the CW DCverse, because that clearly isn’t going to be the case. Though boy, imagine if it was. Personally I like to imagine this is a totally normal DCU, and suddenly going full 90s and murdering a bunch of people is their universe’s version of normal teen rebellion.
Additionally, it’s now seemingly set in stone that the fourth DC Universe live-action show alongside Titans, Doom Patrol, and Swamp Thing will be a Stargirl show where Courtney Whitmore learns about her legacy and tries to track down the Justice Society, described as in the flavor of Superman ‘78 and Wonder Woman. Again, if it wasn’t behind a paywall I’d check it out.
And before turning to comics proper, we learned from WB itself that there are no plans to idiotically pour millions into making a functional Justice League Snyder cut a thing, unsurprisingly making some of the worst people on the internet be just the absolute worst (I’m interested myself in it artistically even if I don’t think it would be very good, but at this point it would feel like a validation of some really rotten people’s behavior if this happened). Meanwhile the first trailer for the Dragon Ball Super movie dropped, and yeah, I’m still happy to see Broly. This looks big in a way Dragon Ball for all its action rarely gets, and seeing Paragus suggests Toriyama understood what worked about the original flick, which is a very good sign. Did they swap out Vic Mignogna as Broly though? Wouldn’t blame him, I know he’s said he hates the part, but surprising nonetheless. And the Spider-Man game dropped another trailer, along with a ‘Velocity’ bonus suit designed by Adi Granov.
The big comics news of the day was of course the long-awaited confirmation that Green Lantern is being relaunched - apparently as The Green Lantern - in November by Grant Morrison and Liam Sharp. What’s surprising is that Morrison’s currently insisting that since the last decade or so of the franchise has dealt with constant upheaval and cosmic apocalypse, his run is going to scale back down to a character-focused study of Hal (“He’s a loner and a drifter and he’s an unreconstructed man. It was nice to do that and to go a little bit old-fashioned with it. He doesn’t belong here at all, you know? He’s longing for the heavens, and to be back up as a Green Lantern. We’re doing Hal Jordan where, you know he’s a good cop, but is he really a good guy? And we’re looking into his relationships and how he deals with people. And also the fact that, if you’ve got a job as a space cop, it’s hard to be stuck on the planet Earth. He has other lives on other planets.”) amidst him going about his duties and dealing with weird alien crimes and space threats, such as stopping aliens from ‘parking’ a planet-sized artificial megastructure near a sun and causing damage to nearby worlds, and solving the murder of a gaseous lifeform.
I doubt it’ll necessarily stay there forever - his Batman and Action Comics runs, after all, were both initially marketed as staying on the smaller side by his standards, and the one idea we know of Morrison having once had for the Green Lanterns back in the day was making them a multiversal force. But it’s remarkable how, well, normal this sounds coming from Morrison. Clearly this must be a passion project if he’s doing a monthly again for the first time in 5 years, especially since DiDio mentioned he had to be persuaded (ultimately persuading himself as his attempts to brush off the proposition led to him thinking about the possibilities and rapidly talking himself into it) to make time for this amidst an incredibly busy schedule of surely more profitable and creatively unshackled projects, but on the surface level? This sounds like the closest Morrison has come since his JLA days to writing a regular superhero comic. At this point in his career, I’m very, very curious what that’s going to look like. Just hoping he read the King/Shaner oneshot on whatever reread he surely went through to catch up on current continuity. And also hoping this guy was right that it’ll turn out “the REAL construct that was limited by our willpower and imagination all along was…REALITY.”
On smaller notes:
* Kelly Sue DeConnick and Robson Rocha are taking over Aquaman, with an opening arc that shows him washing up amnesiac on an isle of forgotten sea gods. DeConnick seems to be like the Jeffs Lemire and Parker where my appreciation of their work is limited to very, very specific slivers: none of her Marvel superhero stuff I’ve read did anything for me even if I could see the talent behind it, but her Lois story in the last issue of The Adventures of Superman was pitch-perfect (and also had a great Aquaman bit!). This gets at least an issue from me.
* DC announced new titles for DC Ink and DC Zoom, including Cassandra Cain, Oracle, Dick Grayson, Creeper, and Wonder Woman books, while also announcing some artists for the existing titles.
* Geoff Johns is doing (ugh) Shazam with Dave Eaglesham, who showed off a really great, fun cover suggesting the possibility of a tonal shift away from Johns writing the absolute worst version of that character imaginable. On the likelihood of said possibility though, I think @intergalactic-zoo put it best. I might just check it out in trade if word of mouth is overwhelmingly positive, but then, lots of otherwise rational people liked or at least saw merit in his original crack at it with Gary Frank, and you were all deliriously, impossibly wrong back then, too.
* And finally, speaking of Johns, he’s doing Batman: Three Jokers as a 3-issue mini with Jason Fabok, a smart move given that is precisely as much as I’m willing to invest in this out of morbid curiosity. What’s really baffling though is that it’s being released under Black Label. It would seem to destroy the stated purpose of the line by immediately releasing Very Important Continuity Comics under it, but maybe this means Batman’s gonna follow in his protege’s footsteps and say a fuck. Anyway, I’m mostly just hoping it isn’t revealed Fun Golden Age Joker is actually not the original in order to rub out the prospect that he was ever truly anything but a terrifying sidekick-butchering murder machine at the center of very serious stories, because that feels to be like a real possibility. And absolute no question one of the three is gonna turn out to be the lost child of Marionette and Mime in Doomsday Clock.
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Riverdale, “Chapter Twenty-Five: The Wicked and the Divine”
Jughead has seen more “mob movies” than I have, so I can’t verify his “classic trope,” but he’s speaking my language
I found Archie’s Devil Wears Prada errand-montage zippy and playful, much like Hiram Lodge himself
especially the direction of the construction guy’s arm clapping Archie’s shoulder to add movement to the swerving transition (not a technical term) as he steps into the trailer
Hiram’s soft V-neck sweater is, I assume, cashmere
Veronica’s look is so inseparable from collars and pearls that she has a collar made of pearls sewn into her dress
RAS wanted a Veronica-confirmation episode, so by God, he is getting one, and Veronica’s age be damned! Hiram and Hermione wanted “the same monsignor” from Veronica’s baptism, who I guess has been on leave at the Vatican for five years okay!
Archie wants to know if Veronica will have “to memorize stuff”
Veronica’s confirmation sponsor is her grandmother, which is par for the course, as is volunteering at a soup kitchen for her like 8 hours of required community service. I also had to write a report on Saint Lucy and pray a rosary in front of an abortion clinic. Veronica probably won’t have to do that, since you can’t say abortion on Riverdale
do soup kitchens have any actual paid employees, or are they all stocked with kids who just need volunteer hours/Matthew Goode’s character from The Good Wife in his spare time wearing that blue sweatshirt to characterize him as being “just that nice”?
Hiram is such a fucking soap opera star when he says Veronica has made him “the happiest father ALIVE.” like, alive?
“ISN’T SHE A MIRACLE?”
on FP’s kitchen table is the same kind of half-gallon of milk that Jughead was drinking from the morning after his birthday party. the Andrewses kept a spare half-gallon of skim milk just for Jughead in their fridge? the nicest thing Fred ever did for him
Jughead doubts it: Jughead is VERY sassy with Sheriff Keller and FP loves it!!!! because Jughead can have an anti-authoritarian ’tude WITHOUT NECESSARILY being “a gang member” at that particular moment!
FP is so crisp and put together! FP looks GREAT! what up though, Gladys?
wow I can’t believe Jughead’s article wielded so much political power that its legal ramifications echo throughout the entire episode, as if Jughead were Nellie Bly
“CAN I GET A QUOTE?” this is the Jughead that FP plainly adores
Jughead and Betty both drink skim milk, so, their wedding will be soon
are men on webcams actually fool enough to ask the webcam girls if they can MEET IN REAL LIFE? I have no knowledge about this world, but I would imagine the answer would be “Have you ever seen a film, ever?”
50 Shades of Betty: Betty looks pretty great in that severe black fucking wig and I still want an apology from Chuck specifically about dissing the wig
“Catholic chic” means veils optional, like the stole in black tie
What damn high school in America: Jughead doesn’t have to wear the preppy Lodge uniform, I see? shame
Best costume bit: Betty’s heart sweater is possibly my favorite thing she’s ever worn. I want it BADLY
ARE YOU TELLING ME HIRAM LODGE WANTS TO SUE A HIGH SCHOOL NEWSPAPER?
“DEFAMATION OF CHARACTER”? IS THERE SOMETHING HE WROTE THAT WASN’T TRUE? ARE YOU ~NOT~ BUILDING BOWLING ALLEYS ON NATIVE AMERICAN LAND? I will fucking suit up and be Jughead’s lawyer on this. as has been demonstrated, I have seen every episode of The Good Wife and can probably practice law in Illinois (for instance I know that in Illinois you only need one-person consent to secretly record a conversation)
I love Betty and Jughead being in the same room, of course, but Betty’s gentle, poking “And...did you?” is EXCEPTIONALLY cute. Betty is so cute. and sometimes scary
Jughead’s least clueless moment of the season so far is him looking back knowingly at Betty when she says maybe he would do it to “avenge Toni’s grandfather”
“WE’RE PALS.”
Jughead kind of looks great leaning against the window. like the lighting or something. God, please let me one day see the two of them making out with Betty in her cheerleading uniform
okay, I thought Betty and Jughead, IT WAS IMPLIED, had already had sex, because I was shown them waking up together after they had slept together in the trailer. apparently they LITERALLY slept together. APPARENTLY THEY HAVE NOT HAD SEX YET. I should have known, from the sleeper biceps, that Jughead was still pining IN THIS WAY, FOR THAT! I should have KNOWN Betty had not RIDDEN JUGHEAD INTO THE SUNSET YET. fuck! what am I doing!
Every triangle has three corners, every triangle has three sides: I also emotionally defend Betty’s ecru lie about not having “done anything” with anyone since the breakup since, as one will recall, immediately after her and Archie’s kiss they stared in horror at each other and have not talked about it since, thus cancelling it out as a real kiss (this is also a statute of Illinois law)
Hermione Lodge has some sort of skinny gold Lothlórien belt on over her deep merlot blazer
Archie > Dawson: Archie is sweet when he apologizes for making Pop double-check the order: “It’s more to make sure I get everything right.”
Archie hears Pop’s slip about Hiram being “the boss,” but other things happen and he FORGETS! at what inopportune time will he remember? when he’s physically embracing Jughead Jones?
although couldn’t Pop just play it off like Hiram is Archie’s boss? think on your feet, Pop
for the record I love Agent Adams and his whole deal. his plan is so insane that it might be brilliant. I just do still wish he were being played by either Sterling K. Brown or Max Greenfield
he doesn’t appreciate Archie’s attitude: “Is there a problem?” yeah, uh, Archie’s like twelve years old and not a trained undercover field agent? I love this stupid shit
oh, everyone’s being evicted from Sunnyside? if only Jughead hadn’t driven the southside’s only lawyer out of town with Kenickie Murdoch’s switchblade
OH MY GOD HERMIONE’S PANTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
according to everyone’s facial expressions, Veronica is under the impression she is doing good political maneuvering inviting the McCoys to her confirmation, Hermione is stunned she did so, Veronica really wanted to sing a solo, and Josie doesn’t know why she has to fucking apologize for anything
Josie being Veronica’s “gift” from Mayor McCoy is horrifying
Sixth period is Intro to Film: Cruel Intentions is a fantastic Catholic standard, containing as it does cocaine, “experimental” girl-on-girl French kissing, Ryan Phillippe’s ass, the line “I'm the Marcia fucking Brady of the Upper East Side and sometimes I want to kill myself,” and implied step-sibling fucking, all of which I think Riverdale should include more of
the blue and red lighting inside the Wyrm is still nice. does the Wyrm even count as a dive? strippers probably wouldn’t waste their time at dives
wow there are some true beards in this crowd
okay…..the idea that Tall Boy is a better suspect than Jughead…...because he’s physically taller…..is singularly the most fantastic thing…..I have ever heard…..
I’ve seen Brick like thirty times: the sound of Archie shifting on the leather of Hiram’s couch is real good
“I RESPECT A MAN WHO WOULD GO TO SUCH EXTREMES.” HIRAM PLEASE!!!!! ARCHIE IS TOO DUMB FOR THIS!!!!!!
Gay?!: Ben? who the fuck is Ben? who is BEN? who the fuck?
OH MY GOD Jughead got in to see the mayor AGAIN! is Ethel Muggs her secretary???
Jughead interrupted Mayor McCoy eating her salad at her desk
for like the third time in the series she says she’s “always liked” Jughead, which, fat lot of good that’s done him
in Riverdale there is a red uniform at the soup kitchen, because even THE POOR must abide by aesthetics
Archie doesn’t know what cutting cigars means
Archie’s shoulders are nice under that polo
Betty’s plan about “treat it like a missing person’s case” and making it like this snooping Blue and Gold intrigue thing is of course welcome as a pretense for the two of them working together (on the show’s part), but in reality it’s just the fucking bare minimum that THE AUTHORITIES should ALREADY BE FUCKING DOING THEMSELVES
at this point I went to bed and had a very gripping, sexy dream about Veronica and Jughead. Veronica and Jughead
“Damn good coffee”: Hiram floating having to “bring Archie in” on the Lodge Family Tammany Hall is only slightly less absurd than the Federal Bureau of Investigation having already done so. what does Archie need to be brought in on, exactly? he’s just Veronica’s arm candy. he barely knows what a cigar is
while it is STILL ODD that Veronica has done a 180 on her accepting her father’s criminality, she still holds Archie up as a beacon of goodness, because, like I said, shoulders, polos
Jughead’s “order of the Ophidians” as he tapes up the Missing poster is either, so far as I can tell, an extremely obscure MMORPG reference or he’s just calling them snakes, but like, in Latin
Penny didn’t die of gangrene from her blistering wound like on the Oregon trail? probably a plus
FP is in some deep pain here. this is so far beyond his worst fears about Jughead joining the Serpents that he like never even fucking considered—I NEVER FUCKING CONSIDERED IT, IT WAS FUCKING RIDICULOUS
I certainly don’t think Penny’s terms are like, PARTICULARLY OUT OF LINE
ooooh Jughead’s little snipe at his father for fridging Jason!
I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH “YOU WILL BE THE DEATH OF US,” THE ANGUISHED REALIZATION IN FP’S EYES, GLADYS STAY AWAY!!!!!
I can’t believe the sixth season of The Wire takes place in Riverdale and doesn’t even have Sonja Sohn playing Agent Adams
Alice’s angel wing-white Founding Father blouse and Betty’s textured peach sweater
Hal is REALLY skittish about Chic, considering that HE’S HIS SON, SO FAR AS WE KNOW. but Hal hordes important information until the bitter end, so he probably just knows some shit
The Blossom Whoever the fuck’s spawn: “He’s a stranger. That’s my beef.”
“It’s been ~some time~ since my last confession” is usually the most accurate clocking I could give as well
I love the very dangerous clusters of candles inside the confessional
These students are legally children: NO ONE is helping Veronica. Veronica is trying to “find her thing” like, in the dark, lit by votive candles
I loved the circle of beautiful mob wives drinking wine and talking about how praying to “the Almighty” for “forgiveness” makes them feel better #aspirational
Hiram isn’t fucking around with Mr. Man “disrespecting Pop Tate.” Pop Tate is an angel, doing his best out here in a chaotic world. his poutine is probably great!
Archie’s stuck using the wrong kind of plunger
Poppa Poutine says Hiram lost his “mojo” in “the joint”
is Poppa right? is Hiram weak? if you subtract the Andrews boys, he doesn’t seem to have any problems
The 2001 Josie and the Pussycats movie was a masterpiece: Josie is back with killer witchy earrings, a lovely dress, and a fierce hold on the remainder of her personal agency
of course it’s “Bitter Sweet Symphony” but with harps. you know the Verve doesn’t get any royalties from that song? are the Rolling Stones the worst band in the world?
I LIKE THE SWOOSH FROM LARRY OR WHOEVER AND POPPA BACK TO ARCHIE WATCHING THEM
the back of the church is bathed in purple, the altar is yellow, the monsignor is in BRIGHT PALM SUNDAY RED, and this is what church should have always been like
Fwoopy hair is the best hair: Hermione’s strong-shouldered structured white jacket is amazing and Jughead forgoed his hat, to be respectful
Cheryl’s a chaos angel from hell: slightly strangely, Cheryl isn’t there at all this episode, but what we are truly robbed of is seeing what she would have worn to the confirmation
Veronica has a SUPER-SWEET very light pink/purple manicure!
Summer + Blair = Veronica: you better believe when Veronica was asked if she renounced Satan I was like, IS SHE GOING TO LOOK AT HER FATHER AND STORM OUT OF THAT CHURCH????? I THOUGHT SHE MIGHT!!!!!
instead I got an amazing thematic light show about Veronica choosing to believe in Archie’s unflagging internal compass and following his light (“the light of the Lord”!)
HE GIVES HER A TINY HAPPY NOD WHILE SHE’S THINKING, LIKE “YEAH BABE I KNOW YOU RENOUNCE SATAN!!!!!”
Veronica was rich: Veronica does look like a fucking angel up there
wow, Dilton isn’t DJing the afterparty? weird
why are Betty and Archie standing together AT ALL?
Abuelita is 100% right about pinching Archie’s cheek and Archie goes with it because he is respectful
Jughead eats: Jughead is so tormented he neglects the buffet!!!!!!
Jughead’s suit is very nice. I like the progression of his wearing better and better suits
Betty takes the news of Jughead’s CONFESSION that he “cut” Penny pretty stoically, as she did boil a guy once
POOR JUG IS RIGHT, IT DIDN’T EVEN MATTER!
Closed Captioning tells me the junkyard guy’s name is “JUNKYARD STEVE,” MY MAN
“If only we lived in a town where the answer could be no.”
Sexy, aesthetic Southside: Jughead in his leather jacket OVER HIS SUIT JACKET is pretty good!
“BY ANY CHANCE WAS THIS GENTLEMAN TALL?” OH MY GOD!!!! CASE FUCKING CLOSED BOYS!!!!!!!
Hermione hauling Veronica back for the photographer
Archie looking up from behind the closing art deco elevator doors
The female gaze: Archie is of course so handsome and perfectly proportioned in his suit. his handsomeness is such a given that I take it wholly for granted, like how when not suffering an allergy attack I can breathe from both nostrils but when one hits and I’m sneezing up my guts I’m like, air coming in from both nostrils? true bliss, I’ll never forget it again
God, did he get rid of his tailored cranberry Blossom suit? not the WORST crime committed in Riverdale, but probably worthy of eviction
Fifth period is AP English: as @hangingonyourwords noted, Archie knowing the word “coup” is VERY surprising! GOOD, ARCHIE
Hiram Lodge is, I think, listening to that song from Carmen while pouring himself a stiff drink, the massive Rory Gilmore portrait of Veronica over one shoulder and the blue light of an antipodean sea streaming in over the other, using a rotary phone to call in A MURDER
Tall Boy having to suffer interrogation by Jughead, whom he surely must have always despised, is his final indignity
Jughead calls Betty “one of us,” which has not been given enough fanfare by ANYONE in the show! Betty is ONE HUNDRED PERCENT as much a Serpent as Jughead, unless Jughead’s mother is a Serpent, except that she hasn’t had to shout their stupid rules into someone’s face yet
I’m writing a scene where it’s gay.: “YOU HAVEN’T ANSWERED MY SON’S QUESTION.”
the poor Serpents have been twisted around rich northsiders’ fingers for so long that they don’t have any fucking idea what to be doing when NOT at the behest of a blackmailer or bribery. I don’t know what it means to be a Serpent except that it means you’re poor and comely. and VERY civic-minded
“You’re a Judas, Tall Boy. And an idiot.”
Gay.: Sweet Pea raises both his arms to vote
FP’s gonna run Tall Boy out of town. a word of advice: one town over is not far enough
hell, Archie’s seen all those mob movies too! he and Jughead must’ve watched them together while Jughead was sleeping in his bedroom
Archie’s speech to Veronica is GOOD, ARCHIE, and what Veronica gets out just reinforces my thought that Hiram is literally starting a second town under Mayor McCoy’s nose, which would concern me expect that it has been definitely shown that even after things are executed on Riverdale I confuse myself and am invariably exactly wrong
I would probably kiss Archie too if he looked at me like that and said “I’m with you,” which I think explains Betty
HAHAAAAAAAAAAA OKAY!!!!!! SOMETHING IN THE WATER IN FP’S TRAILER
Jughead’s suspenders? a startling plus!
I like the quietness of “Maybe we can ask Veronica on Monday.” it reminded me of Archie’s face-saving some-other-time-definitely promise to go to the library with Jughead
“Maybe we should just investigate quietly until we know more.”
BLESSED BE THE CHILDREN and Jughead’s brusque scoff at himself for saying “my darkness”
in a move that the last few episodes haven’t shown him as having enough sense to make, Jughead puts his hand, not on Betty’s hand, but directly on the skirt of her dress
also Jughead knows that dress zippers have a point where you think it’s gone all the way down but really you’ve got a little further to go otherwise you can’t get the waistline over the hips? Jug’s got a little bit of game going on!
I like the silhouette of Jughead’s Adam’s apple
while Jughead is doing an excellent job delicately checking in with Betty’s sacral chakra, with his bare hand, I don’t want to overlook either his own gently crossed ankles as he holds her or his AMAZING SOCKS
when Betty tells him she needs to tell him something, he EXHALES a “What?” before he says “What is it?” WHOOP
she is missing a pretty sick meatloaf or pork of some more at her mother’s dinner table
I didn’t think there was a physiognomically scarier white guy around than Chic himself, but I was wrong!!!! it’s definitely that guy at the door!!!!!!
oh shit, Archie sort of got somebody (else) killed. this is like when Jughead didn’t mean to but definitely got somebody’s face beaten in by Tall Boy and Serpent Baby—holy shit what happened to that kid!!!! where did Serpent Baby go???
Certified pedigree: OKAY SENDING THE STATUE HEAD TO HIRAM LODGE VIA A CONFIRMATION “PRESENT” TO HIS DAUGHTER IS A PRETTY GREAT MOVE. I ASSUME THIS WAS YOU, FP JONES. FP IS REALLY GOOD AT PUTTING WORDLESS THREATENING MESSAGES INTO BOXES
in the shot bingo of Riverdale, the middle box would have to be Betty coming through her front door and pausing because she hears something suspicious
Mädchen Amick, MÄDCHEN AMICK: the squishy sound effect of the rags on the wet floor? her perfect hair? her bright blue turtleneck? “Elizabeth, did you lock the front door?” Alice is already three steps ahead!!! Alice Alice Alice!!!!!
Alice and FP have now both cleaned up somebody else’s murder’s cranial blood (I’m assuming Chic clocked this guy, which means it was probably Melody), further proof they belong together
Please protect Betty: Betty fucking Jughead probably saved her life
Next week: Cheryl shoots a bow and arrow!!! into my heart!!!!!!!!!
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It has been a week and A HALF and it’s only wednesday i deserve so much food and the drama BETTER BE GOOD this week
of course chic’s not a blossom he’s a whatever-alice’s-maiden-name-is/jones we all know this please let the confrontation be messy with alice and fp PLEASE LORDS OF MELODRAMA
oh my god. as much as i prefer season 1 alice to season 2 alice, this reaction is great. so great. “who’s his dad? who knows! it’s a mystery! highschool was so long ago i don’t even remember everyone i dated! doesn’t matter! no one needs to know who i rode like a pornstar in the back of his pickup after the homecoming game senior year! and no one needs to know i still think about it all the time! especially when he’s talking all sarcastic with his rough hewn charm! It was one time and I definitely don’t have dreams about it ever, okay? IT’S IRRELEVANT BETTY”
oh no you guys i just thought of the fact that alice cooper likely knows where fp’s serpent tattoo is and i don’t and now i’m DISTRAUGHT
okay- like i love it when they remember people i love are friends, but why is kevin sitting in on this register interview?
....i don’t know who this dude is but kevin is excited so i’m excited for him
also why is hal talking like there’s an audience to this interview? i know i bitched about the bad season one dialogue but now it’s just WEIRD
oh noooo.... veronica actually kinda thought her mom let her invite a friend just to be nice and then had to come crashing down to manipulative reality
jughead’s back on his bullshit again *claps hands aggressively in his face* ACTUAL. AT. RISK. KIDS. SUPPORT. THAT. SCHOOL. BEING. SHUT. DOWN. STOP. TRYING. TO. HIJACK. THEIR. LIVES. SO. YOU. CAN. FEEL. MORALLY. SUPERIOR.
god i really want there to be a falling out between jughead and toni where she finally tells him off for acting all martyred when he has essentially been a serpent for a hot five minutes and sees it as a novelty that can excuse his selfish actions when the rest of them live the reality of needing a gang to survive poverty and violence and i want that scene to HURT a lot because we like jughead! we genuinely do! but he’s been such a prime fucking pill this season and he’s not going to learn and grow until he gets hurt a little bit as a direct result of the shit he’s been pulling
um so i was excited that ethel was back..... and then a characterization 180 for zero reason other than they needed someone to throw a milkshake????? why
okay that was dumb but josie’s reaction was great
like- i’m still waiting to figure out how veronica’s long con with her parents is going to shake out. they better give her a great season three subplot to make up for this messy crummy mob malarky
that was a SOLID punch
also YASSS let her snap- give us some indication she’s been holding back and biting her tongue this whole time and now she can’t take it anymore
lol leaning HARD into the crimson peak vibe with that “special tea.” they know what we want.
i. am. so. glad. jughead’s hunger strike is a joke to everyone.
but also lol: jughead: why are you being such a bastard, v? veronica: my parents don’t want me to do the thing but i’m going to do it anyway. jughead: you are my favorite friend and i’ve always supported you.
and he’s back into anti mode because betty is being softcore up for some beronica
and a hard cut to toni killing it for no reason other than that we all forgot the vixens were a thing- and toni is a swell dancer so we’re all glad to see it
THE POMPONS ON HER SNEAKERS??????
“inner circle vixens- you know who you are” PPPFFFTTT
“MANDATORY SLUMBER PARTY” GOD I MISSED YOU HBIC VIXEN CHERYL
“you were only at southside high for like- four days” thank you. and i know jughead is tying it all to growing up in the neighborhood but like- come on. jug. he’s right. you didn’t hang out with toni and sweetpea and fangs and joaquin growing up. you hung out with archie and betty and kevin. you should not be speaking for the former just because you shared a zipcode in the part of your life you won’t even remember as an adult. and if you miss your mom and jellybean so much like- call them?! why are they not brought up more often?!?!?!?!!?!?!?! when am i going to finally see neeve campbell claim her right by combat to divorce skeet ulrich in dramatic fashion when she finds out about his lovechild?????????? she killed him twice in the nineties SHE’S EARNED THIS
HOMO EROTIC BRAID TRAIN
what is cheryl wearing is that a dress? a slip? a nightgown? I DON’T CARE I WANT IT ON MY BODY
also HOLY SHIT DOES SHE HAVE HER “BURN IT TO THE GROUND” DRESS ON DISPLAY ON A DRESSFORM GOD LOVE THAT WOMAN
“wait- is this real or a game?” i stand by the headcanon that not only did joaquin tell the gang about “this is riveting-” but secrets and sins and the whole night so toni like- has tangential second hand knowledge of season 1 cheryl’s bullshit and is trying to reconcile that with the vulnerable but emotionally stunted hottie she’s learned to love
god i’m still FURIOUS that we will never see teen serpents all together i would kill for a flashback of them all hanging out on the night of jughead’s birthday and joaquin bursts through the door at 2am like “I JUST HAD THE WEIRDEST FUCKING NIGHT OF MY LIFE INCLUDING THAT TIME I STUFFED A BODY IN A FREEZER LET ME TELL YOU *EVERYTHING*”
also i just realized toni has primarily male friends so her confusion might be partially due to the fact she’s NEVER BEEN TO A SLEEPOVER?!?!?! she’s just sitting there like “oh shit- ‘i don’t feel safe in my home’ is this a game??? i haven’t seen this in any teen flicks how do you play??? are their pillow fights involved?????”
SHE JUST CALLED HER TT. LIKE JJ. as a messy bitch who loves questionable things in her suburban gothics: FUCK. YES.
there is.... something both HILARIOUSLY implausible, but also HILARIOUSLY realistic about this. “i invited you all here because i fear for my life in my own home.” “omg same let me tell you MY family drama.” sleepovers just be like that.
they just turn in after thiss???? okay THAT i don’t believe. sleepovers are the time for plotting convoluted and dangerous plans to solve your life problems, not vent for 30 seconds and then go to bed
THEY MADE EVERYONE ELSE SLEEP ON THE FLOOR BUT CHERONI IS BATHED IN SEXY RED MOOD LIGHTING I’M CACKLING
i’m trying to picture cheryl announcing the sleeping arrangements and i can’t stop laughing. “as the newest vixen, toni will have the privilege of a mattress. not alone of course. i AM the hostess after all. there is plenty of room.” toni: oh that’s so nice and not weird or suspicious of you cheryl i would love to bone- i mean sleep on the same bed three feet apart from you. everyone else: we’re still here stop being nasty.
cheryl and toni are meant to be because they both don’t remove their makeup before bed like some kind of goblins with naturally perfect skin no matter what hell they put it through
BLOSSOMS! BACK AT IT! THERE’S MY FAM! BRINGIN HOME THE GOLD WITH ATTEMPTED MURDER AND SOME CLAUDIUS/GERTRUDE- I MEAN PENELOPE ACTION
((i can’t tell if this episode is actually better or if i’m just in a better mood tonight. don’t care. having fun.))
molly ringwald!!!! missed you boo
.....who is that boy veronica just snubbed on his cupcake and kiss i only saw the back of his head but i know my TYPE when i see it
“right now i’m only interested in one girl, you.” ethel shifts uncomfortably because no one could resist that gay shit right there no matter how hard we may try
also tho- for the record, i’m with ethel, sexualizing your student body president campaign is tacky and archaic af
oh my god jughead you look like a freshman delivering his first speech at the regional finals
also lol they got like Other Serpents to fill in the club so that it’s not just the snakey core four
AND HE’S BACK USING THE TRIBE FOR HIS OWN NARRATIVE GODDAMMIT JUGHEAD YOU’RE MAKING IT SO HARD TO LIKE YOU RIGHT NOW
KEVIN THE FUCK IS GOING ON WITH THIS NONSENSE I THOUGHT YOU AND I AGREED YOU WORK ON JUST BEING YOU FOR AWHILE AND THEN IF JOQUIN COMES BACK THEN YOU HAVE A LOVE INTEREST?!
oh kev i can’t stay mad at you not when you can’t keep a secret to save your goddamn life. sweet bean. precious pea. too good for this world.
oh i like this. i like betty getting FEROCIOUSLY protective of kevin- even though i’m not even entirely sure chic is as dodgy as they’re trying to make us think
ahhh there she is josie- my ambitious girl.
oh my gooooooddddddddddd. serpents why are you listening to jughead- with that edit away from the scene i thought they were gunna let him have it. why do they suddenly think he’s right????? THEY HATED THAT SCHOOL! THEY WERE HAPPY TO GO TO RHS! THIS IS CANON AND IN THE DIALOGUE! I DON’T UNDERSTAND THIS SEASON!
WUT THE FUCK BETTY. i kinda love it tho
oh lordy- heavy handed girl power political twisting- COMPLETE WITH SONG
i mean- i know that ethel has always been a very minor side character, but i’m still disappointed they’re using her for this plot when the last we saw of her in season one was her being very mature and understanding that veronica does not control her parents actions and now she’s the exact opposite with like- no new personal story to back this change up. you either get put on a bus at the end of season one or you stick around long enough to be handed a sloppily put together new personality that no one wants.
JOSIE?! honestly i know i keep saying it but this is so messy what even is this show anymore
((sorry i’m whining again- i really liked the sleepover bring that bit back))
that was a well done breakdown from mendes good job girl that built really nice
also was that a spark of season one hermione i saw???? please?????
“she wears it when she has sex with jughead” oh my. oh dearie me. this is. goodness.
betty you fell into one of the classic blunders- never admit anything you’re accused of until they have proof lol even chic is surprised that worked
alice needs a system reboot at the thought of jughead and betty boning for various reasons- not least of all the generational echo of her life
JUGHEAD AND FP SCENE. these are the only times this season that remind me of my love for that skinny little twerp. their interactions remain golden and heartbreaking and i love themboth to bits.
boys- wake up and smell the custody papers. jellybean aint comin back. good or bad idea. also jug- you’re sixteen? two years you’ll be out of here on a scholarship anyway- stop acting like people don’t move out of small towns anymore
OH GOD THEY’RE GENTLE SNUGGLING HLEP ME just bury me in scenes of these boys bonding over their pigheaded natures
like this annoys me that they’re couching this in archie drinking hiram’s koolaid because “i don’t think jughead’s fighting FOR anything.” is the smartest thing archie’s said all season
archie deserved that now go after jughead, molly ringwald i trust you to dress anyone and everyone down as you see fit
“i’m.... very well acquainted with how alluring the jones men are” yes.... yeeesssss..... yaassssss YASSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
“woah- wait-” keep up betty we all knew this from alice and fp’s first interaction in season one
there she goes- puttin it together. “absolutely not” my lumpy ass
“don’t forget what he did.” “i will never forget” ......i’mma confess i honestly forgot about the murder that’s how fucking messy this season has been.
jesus christ this mutual blackmailing but also gaslighting between chic and betty is just nightmarishly stressful
YASS BACK ON CHERYL BEING THE TRADITIONAL GOTHIC HEROINE OF EVERY MOOR-SET PAPERBACK EVER PRINTED i missed this. i missed the trational gothic heroine trapped in an american/suburban gothic.
*sigh* i’ve spent all season holding out hope- giving varchie the benefit of the doubt that they were both playing close to the chest and pulling long cons on mama and papa lodge, but i don’t know. i think it’s just bad writing now.
yeah hiram like anyone would ever believe that the bulldogs would go to disband a protest of their peers with wire cutters completely of their own volition. NO ONE is going to think the developer who is essentially the only one with a personal stake in the demolition of the school might have twisted their arms. solid plan. no one will suspect you’re pulling the strings of these teens.
god they’re making this so dramatic but i hate this plotline and the lack of consistency with the serpents plot so it’s just laughable
omg omg- can we just forget the unfortunateness of this episode’s plot for jughead and instead get fucking PUMPED to see him try to get votes for student council i am READY FOR THIS TRAINWRECK
lol- if this was anyone but jughead i’d be laughing at him agreeing that she stay in the trailer without consulting- you know- the adult who owns the trailer and is his legal guardian, but this is fp we’re talking about he’s gunna be so stoked. he’s gunna buy like all new pillows and sheets and curtains and like a “welcome home” teddybear and stock the fridge full of healthy things he imagines people like betty eat. like smoothies. fp needs all the strawberry smoothies as jughead’s dowery to seal the deal
MORE MOLLY RINGWALD?! YAYYYY!!!
HOLY SHIT???? i mean- i was all for cheryl being the typical gothic heroine trapped away and called mad once she wised up to her shady family but this is... hmmm. wow. that’s..... a lot. nto sure how i feel about it.
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Riverdale Roundup: 2x06 “ Death Proof”
Okay so here we are, back at it.
So first of all does Jughead just live in that white tank top now? I just don’t dig it and I honestly need him to put a proper shirt on. I get that he lives in a trailer park or whatever but it’s just trying too hard for me.
So Betty is racing down the street to the five seasons and you know she’s frazzled because her hair is down. She arrives to the St. Clair suite to see Nicky just chillin in a bathrobe with his fucked up face and she’s honestly shook that he isn’t dead yet. I don’t get what her plan was here? Did she think she was going to burst in to find his dead body or like the black hood mopping up blood stains? If she was going to stop the murder wouldn’t the first step to have been to call Sheriff Keller? Thankfully Sheriff Silver Fox is already on the premises ready to take names. Despite the drama of this whole scene I just can’t get past Nick in the bathrobe, he looks like such a little bish. He should not be brooding with that much ankle exposed so casually, it’s just not fitting.
By some mercy of God Betty has learned how to put her phone on silent and I am so very very grateful. I could not take one more round of “ lollipop”. Archie texts betty “ You up?” like the true Fuck Boy he is but honestly it’s like mid morning at this point so like what’s the game arch?
We see Penelope sitting down with the Lodge Loons to discuss the Nicholas issue and she’s such a stone cold bitch and like not in an iconic Alice Cooper way. What a heartless Wench. Also how is her face not fucked up? How is she not completely messed? From the first episode I thought that she was going to be bedridden but like she’s fine. Not even a scratch. Okay we see that her arm is burned later but like come on? Did Mark Sloan himself come back from the grave to reconstruct her horrible burned face back to sheer perfection?
Toni and Jughead are having breakfast and she’s all like “ Yeah we aren’t going to happen. I don’t want to be your rebound” even though the second that Jughead was like “ Betty isn’t in the picture anymore “ she was all up in his business. So like what’s the truth Toni?
Archie and Betty are coming to Pops and Betty claims she won't be answering the blackhoods calls anymore but I mean come on that sounds fake. She also claims that the people “ at the farm” are going to help Polly disappear for a while. What kind of farm is this that they take in Wayward pregnant teens and also double as a projection program? They see Toni and Jughead eating breakfast together and it’s honestly drama.
There’s an emergency meeting at the cooper house where Alice basically tells everyone that their kids are trash and huge whore’s but that Betty is an angel. Kevin learns that Bughead is no more and is honestly shook. It’s so going in his blog.
Josie’s mom is ready to lock her in a tower for taking “ jj” and decides to clear out the south side in retaliation. Archie races to South Side high to be Jugheads knight in shining armour, but Jughead just assumes he’s there to break up with him again and is v pissy about it. The cops burst into the school ready to arrest anyone wearing leather and Archie basically has to drag jughead out of there by his ear. Also Sheriff Keller and his boys are pure fashion in those hats.
Veronica doesn’t want to tell her dad about Nick getting handsy with her because she knows that Daddy will straight up murder him and not even think about it. Kevin is very disloyal to Betty honestly. I get that he’s friends with Veronica as well and that Betty was super bitchy to her but he’s only known V a few months and Betty is supposed to be like his ride or die. Could he not at least hear her out for a minute before slaying her with alliteration?
Black hood calls Betty and she obviously picks up even tho she said she wouldn’t because she’s a fucking liar. Black hood is like “ Infiltrate the dealers. Find the supplier.” sending betty out in search of the Sugar Man. For once Betty realizes that she isn’t in the FBI and is literally a fresh 15 and reminds BH that she’s “ Just a high school reporter” and he’s like “ I don’t give a single fuck. Infiltrate the dealers. Find the supplier.”
Archie is willing to break up with Jughead for Betty but he wouldn’t get back together with him for her so he tell’s Jughead to go talk to her.
Betty rolls up to the new Thorn Hill to find Cheryl lounging in a bathing suit, reading a book and enjoying a little spread. Here’s the thing. What month is it? There was literally just snow everywhere and Sweetwater River was frozen. School hasn’t been in session that long. In theory is should be like November/ December ish if that. But here Cheryl is in a bathing suit, everyone's walking around without jackets, and everyone shows up to the race in like tanktops and shorts. What is good!?! What month is it? On the subject of months how many months pregnant is Polly? She was with the sisters for like 5 months right? And she’s been home for a good while so when are the children of incest going to vacate her womb and enter riverdale where they will probably be accused of murder or something by the time they’re 6 weeks old.
Betty asks Cheryl about the Sugar man and Cheryl is like “ Duh Betty he’s a scary story my crazy ass mom created. Try to keep up.” Cheryl proceeds to rip Betty a new one about trying to ruin literally all of her childhood memories and shoos her away so she can enjoy her trail mix in peace.
Papa Andrews tries to make sure that Archie is taking care of Jughead and Archie is like “ yas i’m trying but it’s fucking hard”, meanwhile Jughead is slithering into the Goolies lair where Tall Boy is chilling saying they should all be BFFs.
Cheryl goes through a box of her and Jason's old stuff and finds a crayon drawing of Sugar man and decides that he’s real. But like??????? How is that proof?
Betty and Keller chit chat about the Sugar Man and Sheriff says that Old Clifford was the Sugar Man so now it could be anyone and they are shit out of luck. Veronica is lurking in the background so she and Betty share some milkshakes and Betty comes clean about the black hood calls. She enlists Veronica to help her find the Sugar Man and now they’re tight again.
Jughead is pacing the trailer ranting about the Goolies and it’s really dark so I did not see Archie sitting there and I honestly thought he was just ranting to Hot Dog and I was like okay how very relatable. I bitch at my dog all the time. He’s a great listener. Archie suggests they go to FP for advice and i’m like yas I miss you come back. He says they should challenge them to a street race and i’m like are you sure we shouldn’t just have another rumble at midnight. That worked very well the first time.
Cheryl tries to talk to her mom about the sugar man but her mom just calls her a crazy bitch and reminds her that she literally burned down their house so maybe she should just shut up.
The gang has to clean up this nasty ass park and Kevin is so disgusted by it that even he wouldn’t troll for stray dick there. Reggie and Josie awkwardly flirt and i’m like ohhh this is a thing now? Veronica ruins their romantic banter by demanding the number of Reggie's dealer. Infiltrate the dealer, find the supplier.
So Veronica rolls up to the south side to get the JJ from one of the Goolies goons. I get that both gangs couldn't just wear straight leather but having the Goonies wear studs and animal print really just makes them look like jokes.
“ What about my change Asshat?” This wouldn’t happen if the dealers were kind enough to take credit.
So we see some of the Jingle Jangle production and they’re literally putting these things together with hot glue and i’m dying.
There’s a truly tragic exchange of Veronica, Betty, Archie, and Jughead all saying each other's names and then saying “ what are you doing here “ in unison and i’m like again with the scooby doo?
Jughead and Archie gotta take their bitches and skanks and get the fuck out, but Jughead having been a serpent for a solid 45 minutes decides he has the authority to bet the family farm and offers up their bar and the trailer park as collateral on this race. A bitch is ballsy.
Nick shows up at Pops and calls Nick “ Sharon” and I literally want to vom. Nick tries to play all innocent. Although the “ Desperate tart from a truck stop town” was a pretty solid insult he’s still a huge douche canoe. At least he paid for her lunch.
Betty is helping Jughead fix Reggie's car and I know she said she used to help Hal fix cars but I have a ton of trouble picturing Hal in his tight sweaters fixing a car. Oh shove it Hal. Jughead calls Betty out on being heartless and dumping him via Archie and she’s like “ Ohh i can explain but like not now” and i’m over here being frustrated as hell like bitch you’ve been sitting in awkward silence just tell him it won’t affect his driving skills. You know what will tho? THE FACT HE’S 15 AND DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO DRIVE.
Cheryl finds the hush money cheque in her mom's room and i’m like yass that’s what people do with cheques for large amounts of money. They hide them in their underwear drawer and hope that the cash just magically appears in their account. So more likely Mrs Blossom is above going to the bank and took a picture of the cheque to deposit it and now Cheryl is just holding a piece of meaningless paper hostage.
Veronica and Archie are lounging in bed together and i’m like where is Fred? Does he allow this sin under his roof? Cheryl kills the mood by telling Veronica that the St.Clairs are still investing in SoDale so she goes to Daddy and Daddy promises that he’s going to fuck shit up.
So we come to the drag race and everyone has put on their fourth of july best. Kevin is pissed that Ru Paul isn’t there but is glad that there is a lot of eye candy. He clearly has a thing for gang members.
Instead of offering Jughead a lock of her hair Betty gives Juggie her declaration of love and some driving advice. Cheryl tells Toni/Cha Cha to stuff it because this is her moment and the race is on. In what world would the Goolies race that old ass car that was never made to go more than 25 miles an hour?
Archie is a little baby and pulls the E break which should basically guarantee that they lose but Archie called Sheriff Keller with a hot tip ahead of time. Everyone is pissed at Archie but I mean they won so……
Penelope threw that cheque that i’m convinced now that she already cashed in the fire and finally spills the tea to Cheryl. Cheryl calls Betty with the intel about who the sugar man is and like a fucking sane normal girl who doesn’t live in fucking Rosewood she calls the police. The Black Hood is pissed and we find out the Sugar Man is Charles Fucking Percy, whose name in this is like Mr Phillip or some bullshit I really don’t care.
Betty is threatening the black hood being like I’ve solved all these mysteries so I can totally catch you and i’m like Betty maybe like back the heck up, I say again you are 15.
So does Fred pop pills on the regular now? Is this going to be a story line?
So the Lodges ran the St. Clair car off the road and they all sit around and smile about it while playing chess. Not at all menacing.
Despite all Betty's best efforts, the Black Hood is still putting a hit on Percy/ Aka Robert Phillips/ Aka The Sugar man. So sad… but….not really.
That’s it.
#riverdale#the cw riverdale#Bughead#varchie#betty cooper#jughead jones#archie andrews#veronica lodge#cheryl blossom
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The Holloween Tree (four years later)
Part I: The Kids
It was a small town by a small river and small lake somewhere in the world. Not Earth, just the world. Four adolescent teenagers showed up at the only four-way junction in the small town they live in. They call it “the spot,” though there are indeed many other such “spots” that they use throughout the neighborhood.
One of them, a sketelot, jumped off his skateboard, letting it roll across the quiet road, to hit the shins of his friend, the hoar.
“Oh my gosh, ah, that hurts guys,” he exclaimed, almost automatically.
“Sorry, Wally.” This was the Which talking. She was speaking for Tom, because she was not sorry. Neither was Tom.
The fourth member of the group pushed up his glasses, shoved his cellphone back into his pocket, flicked his bright green mohawk out of his face, and said “Yo, why’re we here again?” He was dressed as a zombie.
Tom addressed the situation. “Guys, don’t you remember? Today’s holloween! We have to go trick or treating like we’ve always done, pretending everything’s like it was.”
“Uhh, yeah duh,” Jerry the zombie said. “I got your text. Just why’re we here? Shouldn’t we be with Pip or something?”
“Oh my gosh yes! Where is he? He should be here by now! He’s never late, especially on hal-“
“Shut up Wally,” Tom stated.
Soon after, they all met at Pip’s house. Jenny was on the skateboard now*. Pip’s house was as dark as the forest that surrounded it. No pumpkins, no lights, no candy, no popcorn. Something was definitely wrong.
Tom said what was on everybody’s mind. “Something is definitely wrong here.”
They spotted a note on the door. It said: ‘Hey guys. If you’re reading this, then all went according to plan. I’m sorry I couldn’t say goodbye to you in person, but it would’ve been too predictable. Well, you go on without me. Don’t worry about me. Ready, set, go?’
“Wait,” Jenny began. “How old were we when we saved Pip?”
Jerry piped in. “I dunno how old we were, but that was four years ago this very night. Just sayin.”
“K’mon guys,” Tom said. “Let’s face it. Pipkin’s dead again. And there’s only one place for us to go.”
*Jenny, dressed as the Which, has obligations to be on a portable vehicle of some kind, to give her broomstick some appearance of flight. She’s quite good at it, having some practice a few years back when her and Tom were dating. She had a skateboard herself, but after breaking up with Tom, decided to ‘break up’ her love for him. Literally. They’re on speaking terms now, albeit fragile terms. As for her bike, she outgrew it four years ago. Now her hobby is jogging.
Part II: Moundshroud
The stormy clouds of October made an uncertain look to them, stars peeking through them, then quickly hiding again. Somehow, no matter how accurate you measured the moon, it seemed to grow larger and deeper in details every minute that ticked closer to midnight. Down through the forest they went, a kind of wind chilling their bones. Double the chill for Tom. He was twice as bony.
Long story short, they met Moundshroud again. “And just what do you want this time, Sketelot?,” went the creaky voice of Leonard Nimoy.
Wally began to say “We’re here for-“
“QUIET. I wasn’t talking to you, Tubby.” He peered a leering eye at Tom, half annoyed, half intrigued.
“Well,” Tom began. The presence of The Moundshroud was always a little frightening, for those with enough wit to know why. “We’re here for,” he glanced at Wally. “We wanna know where Pipkin is.”
“Ahh, that meddler! Yes, it’s as I should’ve known. You want to save the boy who’s worth more than your lives, hmm?”
Jenny crossed her arms. “That’s right.”
“Mmh, pity.” The pale-green face of a squash whipped his nose 180˚ around, drawing up his cape as black as pitch. He stormed out of the main room, leaving the four in an awkward silence. They heard various rummages in the back, followed by a “Hmph” Moundshroud came back, dragging with him a tattered old carpet. “Yes, his time is due alright. Unfortunately, he’s managed to plan his escape somewhat flawlessly. Somewhat flawless, I say,” He clarified. “He must’ve gotten word of his, ehem, planned ordeal four years ahead of time.” His nose pointed guiltily at the teenagers. “Ah well. Same deal as before, I assume?”
The kids exchanged slightly nervous glances. They each nodded in turn.
Moundshroud flung the mildew carpet on the ground, letting it slowly unravel itself and hover an inch above the hardwood floor. “What say you we begin our little hunt, ehh? Ready for another adventure worth a thousand generations, through time and space?” He jeered into each of their souls, ever so briefly. “Hm, me neither.”
Part III: Pipkin
To what seemed like a literal eternity for the teenagers was merely a blink of an eye to an outside observer. After seven continents and four dozen pyramids of adventure, Pipkin’s last desperate voice cried out, as his soul was finally captured by Moundshroud. Jenny’s voice crackled in Tom’s ear. “Okay, Tommy. Show’s over, nice job.” Tom engaged his thrusters and leaped back up the cliffside. Jerry’s arm shot down a vulturaptor that was following Tom’s tail.
Back at base, Moundshroud held up the weathered old pumpkin of Pipkin. “Well well, mine at last. You kids did a fine job, aye, fine indeed!”
Tom slurped some of Wally’s ‘Vulturaptor soup special’ and gave Moundshroud a look. “But wait, he’s not yours yet. We made a deal, remember?”
“Hmm? Deal? Ahh yes, hmm, beg pardon. Now what was it exactly?”
Tom washed the soup down with a swig of swill and stood up. “One year. From all of us.”
Moundshroud asked, “Was that one year from each of you?” His eyes blinked black.
The crowd of three shifted behind Tom.
Tom gulped noisily. “That’s right.”
The Pumpkin Manager smiled in a way they haven’t seen before, even through all the countless eons they spent hunting Pipkin with him. “I’m sorry kids, but that’s not enough.”
All teens unanimously said. “What?”
“You see,” He began. “You’re not holding up your end of the bargain.” He pointed at Wally. “You. You don’t have enough to give me. All you can spare is three months.”
Wally’s face turned beet red, then struck open into a ghastly white. All eyes were on him. “Oh my gosh, oh my goshohmygoshohmyhoghugmygosh…”
“Well great,” Tom said, darkness in his eyes. “Now Pipkin’s not gonna live as long, on account of Wally’s stupid choices shortening his life!” A bitter hatred flared up.
Wally began to recover. “Well, gee. I-I can’t spend anymore time for Pip. As it is, he’s gonna-“
“You’re pathetic.” This was Tom again. The hate remained. “It’s just the thing I’d expect from you. Don’t you know why we sacrificed our time for Pipkin? It’s because he matters. He matters more than any of us, especially YOU.”
“Oh, gosh Tom. I thought we were friends…” Wally innocently murmured.
“We were never friends. That’s why I always met up at our spot across the street from you. But we’re next-door neighbors. If it weren’t for Pipkin, I’d never hang around with you.” He sighed away the demonic anger. “But he always found time for us. Even you. All my life, I’ve always wanted to be just like Pipkin, just as jovial, just as meaningful, just as forgiving. He was the best. He IS the best. And he can always be here for us, just for a little bit longer. Just a few more months. Just to tell him that I…that I…” His eyes glistened with tears.
Jenny rolled her eyes. This is why we broke up.
Jerry stepped down. “Eesh. Look, I never had a prob with Wally here.” Wally gave him a trembly smile. “So if he don’t wanna sacrifice his life for Pip, well, neither will I.”
Tom darted his red eyes at Jerry. “That’s because you haven’t even done it before. You weren’t THERE the first time! If Ralph never moved away-“
“Oh, so THAT’S what this is about, is it?” Jerry spat. “Gonna pin the blame on me now as well, just because I’m not agreeing with your plan, now is that it? I’m just the second-rate, Johnny-come-late friend, who’s only known Pip for two years instead of five! Big deal!”
“Six,” said Tom. “And you’ve never been a replacement. You could never replace Ralph. Besides, your name is so confusing. I mean, it’s only two letters away from Jenny.”
Jenny stopped rolling her eyes. “He’s got a point, you know.” She blew bubblegum out of her mouth.
“ENOUGH!” Moundshroud extended his arm-capes in a fiery scowl. “I have all the time in the world and I’m not going to spend it on listening to your bickering and bitching. Are you in or out?”
Jerry took a step back. Wally just sat there, mouthing a certain phrase over and over. Jenny crossed her arms. Tom opened his mouth. “Okay. I’m still in.”
“One year from the end of your timeline, in exchange for a year of Pipkin’s life?”
“Well, no.”
“NO?!” Moundshroud’s face got really close.
“You see, I was thinking now more like…six months.”
The Wizard of Time leaned back. Almost disappointedly adding, “You’d do that for him?”
Tom gulped noisily again. Twice. “Yes.”
Jenny popped into the conversation. “Err, I’ll add three months.” Moundshroud blinked.
“What are you doing Jenny?,” the Sketelot said. “If you’re gonna participate, you gotta do six months. Make it a full year.”
Jenny the Which thought about it, shrugged, then thought again. She crossed her arms. “Fuck you Tom. You do it.”
In the end, Jenny agreed to give Pipkin three months, while Tom gave six. Moundshroud gave them each a drink (tasted like grape kool-aid) and said “Chew, swallow, swallow and…well, swallow anyway. And I hope I never have to see you all for a while now.” He smiled at Wally. “Except I’ll be seeing you very shortly.” Then, abruptly, he disappeared with the universe.
Part IV: The End
Before they knew it, the four teenagers found themselves in a cold field of overgrown weeds. The waining crescent beamed down at them. Shivering, they bundled up in their futuristic clothing and made a mad-dash to Pipkin’s house. By the time they arrived, the sun was just beginning to bring a light to the foggy ground. And there, up in the same old bedroom window, sleepy-eyed and dazed, forest of freckles, with Jupiter’s red spot doubled as cheeks, was Pip. “Hullo guys,” he said. “I had a strange dream last night. Something of laser-beams and vulturaptors and…well, thanks for saving me. Again. I owe ya one. Or maybe two. Well, how much do I owe ya guys anyway?” The sleep went away from his eyes. “No really, was it the same as last time?”
The kids exchanged looks and shuffled feet. Tom at last spoke up. “Err, don’t worry Pipkin. Everything’ll be okay. Well, see you tomorrow.”
As they began to walk away, ready to sleep for another eternity, Jenny whispered, “Has he always been like this? I dunno, maybe it’s just chasing him all this time made me sour.”
Tom sighed. “All this time trying to get him, just so we can keep him for a little longer. But he’s always the same. It’s not him getting older, it’s us.
“Gosh, I’ll say,” Wally went.
Tom told him to “Just shut up already. Look, you’ve only got three months left, right? That’s what He said. So why do you even bother hanging around us? Why don’t you just get all the drugs, sex, and rock-and-roll while you still can?”
Wally stopped walking. The others kept going.
Then Jerry said, “Say, I know what we’ll do next Holloween.” The others groaned. “Hey hey, listen here. How bout we just go out to a party like most people our age do? Get ourselves a drink, in memory of Pip or something.” They kept walking, into the fog.
One month later, Wally, the Hoar became the most bad-ass partier west of the Mississippi. Eight months after that, Pipkin choked to death at a movie theater.
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August/25/17
I laid sprawled out on my bed, staring up at the ceiling fan, thoughts swirling around my head. Clutching my chest, I tried to calm down. I could hear my heart pounding in my ears.
“You’re over reacting, Parker.”
I quickly rolled onto my back, glaring down at the tall man on my floor.
“Over reacting!? I’m moving into the dorms tomorrow and you think I’m over reacting!? I thought I was being very calm about the whole thing. If anything, I think my serious lack of reaction should be cause for concern.” I gasped, turning on to my back again.
I wanted to push myself this year, get out of my comfort zone. High school was hell, and afterwards, the idea of going off to college was impossible. All those new people, a roommate, a new place. I couldn’t do it. Instead, I signed up for online classes and planned, if I’d mustered up the courage, to go to college next year -this year.
Well, the deadline to register for classes came all too soon, and now, here I was having a mini panic attack the day before I was supposed to move in.
“I should just withdraw now. I’m sure there are still some online classes available,” I mused in an attempt to calm myself down.
A sigh rose from the floor and I turned my head, glancing at my best friend.
James closed his copy of “Our Mutual Friend,” by Charles Dickens -his current obsession- giving me his undivided attention.
“What if the teacher calls on me and I forget my name or stutter or-or, what if I trip and break my laptop or my arm or worse! Someone else’s!” I worried, wringing my hands, trying to shake off the growing anxiety.
“We’ll take it one day at a time. The first day of classes are simple. The professors,” He paused, giving me a point look. “will read through the syllabus, ask for everyone’s names, and dismiss the class early.” James explained, opening his book again.
Before he could turn back to it, I shot up into a sitting position, legs tucked under my bottom. “But what if the teacher-”
“Professor.”
“But what if they hate me and go out of their way to make school awful?” I babbled on, ignoring his interruption. “What if I ask a dumb question? or what if…..nobody likes me?”
There was a moment of silence. I looked down at my hands, fiddling my fingers. They were blurry and I realised I was crying.
“What’s not to like?”
I looked up at him wide eyed and teary.
“People say I’m annoying, I cry too much, I don’t play sports, I’m short and weak and I ask too many questions,” I sniffed, fresh tears falling. And it was all true. The world had standards for men, things that were “normal,” and I didn’t match any of them. People don’t like “different.” I learned that the hard way.
James stood up with a sigh and towered over me, everything I could only dream about being. James was not only incredibly smart, but he was handsome, dark hair and dark eyes, strong and he was good at sports. He’d fit right in with the other guys there. I was jealous of him and I hated myself for it. Only adding to the horrible feeling in my chest.
“Fuck what everybody else thinks. You can only be you, and if they want you to change, then they aren’t your friends, nor should they be. You don’t have to change to make people like you. I like you, isn’t that enough?”
I nodded, sniffling, and wiping my eyes and nose with my sweater sleeve. James ruffled my unruly brown curls, comforting me.
“You hungry?”
I nodded again. It was a lie, my stomach still queasy with worry, but I knew he was trying to distract me. He moved to the door opening it. “Hey Hal?”
He paused, glancing over his shoulder at me.
“Thanks,” I sniffed, rubbing my sweater sleeves over my cheeks. James offered a smirk, cocking his head for me to follow.
A shout from downstairs startled me, and I jumped up out of bed. “Parker! Hurry up and get your ass down here so I can eat. I’m starving!”
“Last one down has to sit next to Rory!” I laughed, shoving past James. I skipped down the stairs and rounded the kitchen corner too fast, slamming into my older brother, Rory. He fell back against the counter.
“Sorry!”
“Jesus Parker, where’s the fire?” Rory barked, rubbing his sore back.
“I said I’m sorry,” I said, glancing around the kitchen. Jordan, my sister and the eldest, stood at the stove holding a thermometer in the ham. Mom stood at the sink next to her, washing carrots. Both in deep conversation.
“You told him to hurry,” James stated, coming up behind, dwarfing me. Rory rolled his eyes, turning away from him, drawing the attention of the rest of my family.
“Oh James! I didn’t know you were here. How are you?” Mother asked, looking between her carrots and James.
“When is he not here?” Jordan asked, waving at him in greeting.
“Yeah. It’s not like Hal has any other friends, or siblings. That’s why he comes here. To steal mine,” Rory added, reaching for a peeled carrot. Mom slapped his hand before he could snatch one, eliciting a yelp from him.
Rory looked just like mom, as did Jordan, brown hair, blue eyes, straight nose. Except he got lucky and had dads height, six foot four “and still growing” he’d say.
Jordan, although short, was the spitting image of mother when she was young. Straight brown hair and blue eyes, petite.
“Parker. Help your brother set the table,” She ordered, pushing Rory away. “And James, be a dear and help Jordan with the ham.”
I grabbed some forks, Rory following with the plates, and began setting the table. The smell of food strong, I tried not to gag, the anxiousness from early back in full force.
“Once your father gets back we can eat-”
As if cued, the front door opened with a loud bang, startling me. I dropped the forks on the table, and bit my tongue, holding back a shout.
“Where’s my baby boy!?” Father boomed, bursting into the kitchen. My Father was a bear of a man. “Tall, dark and handsome,” Mom liked to say. Brown curls leading down to a full beard, six foot two beefy. When James first met him he thought he was the Brawny’s man.
Father navigated around the table and grabbed me. Pulling me into a hug, he lifted me off the ground, squeezing until I groaned in discomfort, unable to breathe.
“You can’t go. I won’t let you,” He mumbled into my hair, setting me down but still holding on. His voice vibrated through his chest. I felt like a kid again, warm and protected.
I squeezed back, all uneasiness disappearing.
“You worry too much, Pops,” Rory said, patting father on the back. “Hal and I will look after him.”
“Is that supposed to make them feel better?” James said from his spot next to Jordan, earning a loud laugh from everyone. Rory stuck his tongue out at her, pouting.
Letting go of me, father walked to the kitchen hugging mother from behind and giving her a chaste kiss. She was so tiny compared to him, exactly five feet tall. I hated that I got her height. Shorter then every boy in all of my classes and some girls. I thought I’d shoot up in high school like Rory, but shooting up for me meant six inches. Five foot four and underweight, I was a target.
“It’s not even like he’s moving out. Hal and him will share a room and, I’ll in the other room with Matt, and Cody and Arthur are in the last one. It’s a suite, so he doesn’t even have to deal with normal dorm life,” Rory explained, “I’ve already told the other guys to look out for him.”
I finished setting the forks and napkins out. I hated when they talked like I want there, I wished I really wasn’t there wanting to avoid the unsavoury topic altogether.
“How are you feeling?” James asked, moving over to the table with the now cut ham streaming.
“Can- Can we just eat?” I asked, voice breaking from nerves.
“Of course!” Mom exclaimed from the kitchen with a clap. “Let’s!”
·°·°·°·°·°·°·
Meals at my house usually quiet, everyone busy eating, but Rory would not shut up about school and how much fun I would have. To nervous to eat, I pushed my food around with my fork.
“There’s a welcoming party thrown for all the incoming freshmen. There going to be live music and food, games and a dance party afterwards,” Rory gushed, happily stuffing his face.
“You’ll have to show him the ropes,” Father said, taking a sip from his beer.
“I will. There are also some really good shops downtown that give student discounts on meals and just basic living necessities,” Rory continued after pausing to swallow.
“May I be excused?” I asked, looking up from my plate.
“You sure honey? You’ve barely touched your food,” Mom worried, everyone looking at me.
I didn’t say anything, silently pleading with my eyes.
“Yeah, come here first.”
Getting up, I maneuvered around the table to get side what she pulled me down into a hug, rubbing my back.
“I know you’re nervous and I want you to know I’m so proud of you. You’re going to do amazing, okay?” She asked. I nodded into her shoulder. “I love you.”
Pulling away, I rushed upstairs to my room, diving under the blankets. My heart was being a mile a minute and I clutched my chest, trying to get control.
“You’re going to make yourself sick.”
I shot up, the covers sliding off in the process. James stood in the doorway smirking, book in hand.
I rolled my eyes and pulled the duvet back over my head, blocking everything and everyone out. The warm dark space making it easier to think.
Suddenly, the bed dipped next to me and I heard James open his book again. “Try not to worry too much.”
Being watched over by James and the blanket acting as a barrier, my heart slowed along with my breathing. Feeling safe, I drifted off into a restless sleep.
#day one#journal#daily journal#journaling#slice of life#college life#first post#storytelling#story#og#writers on tumblr#writing#story time#spilled thoughts#thoughts#my words#literature#book#original#my writing#books and libraries#tumblarians
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