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vintage-brass-tc · 7 months

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tw: suicide/vent talk

I’m not depressed or anything, nor am I suicidal, but every time there’s a long weekend or an extended period of time more than a day that I don’t have anything scheduled, I always feel this existential sense of dread and guilt. No matter how much I try, I really cannot place where it’s coming from.

I start getting really stressed and overwhelmed, isolate myself, stop talking, then either start crying or stare at the wall in a dark room, wondering why there’s a pit in my throat and stomach and what I did wrong to cause that, but I don’t know what the source of the problem is, so I don’t know how to fix it.

Then I begin to ask myself if the way I’ve been living is really worth it, and if I’m even significant to the people around me, and if should just give up. Give up band, give up school, give up everything I’ve been working for, so that I can’t stress out about anything. But I can’t do that. Then I’d be worth nothing.

I just start having a whole mental crisis, and I don’t know why, but I need a schedule to distract myself from my own thoughts so this stuff doesn’t start happening. When I actually have the time and silence to listen to my own train of thought, I get so worked up. Like the feeling that you have ten essays due in an hour and you haven’t written a lick of it. Even if I don’t have work, I always feel a pang of guilt and anger, like I’m mad at myself for not doing anything productive. Even if I do, it’s never usually enough.

I’ve never been able to relax in what feels like a very, very, very long time. I’m so afraid of screwing up my own life, so much so that, in this temporary moment of despair, I want to end it all and stop living it.

I can’t do this anymore

in moments like these I wonder what he would say. He doesn’t know that this happens to me, he’s only ever seen me when my mind is occupied. Would he worry or would he tell me to quit the band

am I even worth it to him

would he even care

The realistic part of my brain is like, obviously, people care about me and I’ve had an effect on many people I’ve met, and people like me and would probably miss me if I was gone. But during these times I just can’t hold on to that thought. I get too stressed out and worry about all of the bad

and the things I could do better

I hate this

I wish I was as happy as people always say I am

I usually am positive but

this hurts

I can’t do this anymore

#personal #vent #u #obviously I won’t do anything #but the thoughts are so strong #like so strong that this feeling of sadness and guilt #actually hurts #like actually hurts so much #I want to talk to him #but I don’t know what to say #I want to throw up #I just want him to sit next to me for a while in silence #that’s it #that would make everything better right now #I’ll probably delete this #but I’ve been absolutely awful mentally for the past month and a half #not fun #I don’t know how to make it stop

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lineffability · 10 months

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"apparently if we do a miracle together it all works a bit too well" listen LISTEN i think this is why. i think the magnitude and power of that miracle they did together is what alerted the metatron and why he has come to separate them by all means, because they have not realized yet quite how powerful they are together and what that could mean!! this is why, i think???? they used to do each other's miracles and temptations for each other, but never with, and that could change everythign and could get in the way of certain Ineffable Plans (that i don't think are necessarily God's, looking at you villain metatrash)

#good omens #ineffable husbands #crowley x aziraphale #aziracrow #ineffable spouses #gos2 #good omens season 2 #gos2 theories #my omens #i first thought the miracle was so strong bc gabriel's powers were somehow mixed up in it but #this is what crowley says in ep5 and #yeah it changed my mind #this is what i think now #they are a THREAT #to the ORDER OF THINGS #because of their LOVE

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madamemiz · 7 months

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sad: falling out of a hyperfixation

tragic: watching your beloved friends and mutuals fall out of the hyperfixation while you're still in it

#oughhhhhhh #this is about the dca fandom but also about every other strong fixation ive had over the years lol #i know it's normal and inevitable esp for less popular works or minor characters with little canon content #and there's nothing wrong with smaller communities of course those rock #but there’s just something special about getting into something at the same time as a lot of other people all at once #and existing in this chaotic fandom space that's just bursting with creativity and passion #i've been in fandom spaces for as long as some of you have been alive and i've only come across that sort of unbridled joy like #a handful of times at best #it's just a heartbreaking feeling to see real lightning in a jar fandoms like that wither away as people drift away #(understandably so!)#anyway don't mind me i'm just having thoughts #musing about fandoms past as well #that i too eventually moved on from but remember fondly even if im not active in anymore #also my music just aint hitting right so im just sitting in silence which makes me more Contemplative(tm)

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scarlethoodi · 1 month

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This comic is so funny to me. Kaka is just like “sis, please leave me out of your lesbian shenanigans.”

#dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #namari #kaka floke #kiki floke #kikimari #daydream hour #like Namari is so flustered #the gay thoughts are so strong #and Kaka just there like pls don’t involve me in this

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army-of-bee-assassins · 8 months

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i very deliberately did not include an "other" or "multiple of these" option. if there's some nuance you want to share, feel free to tell me in the tags.

sorry if this has been done before, but i've never seen it and i was curious.

as with any tumblr poll, reblogs are appreciated.

#i thought about breaking up side into specifically right or left #bc i'm not a side sleeper and idk if side sleepers have strong opinions on that #but i decided to just leave it non specific #anyway i'm a stomach sleeper #i do usually wake up on my back but i absolutely cannot fathom falling asleep on my back #it is so uncomfortable #polls

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miya-rin · 11 months

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imagine being the miya twins older sister who has had suna rintarou fully enamoured with your existence since he first met you at 15 years old.

he has tried to make many moves on you over the years to no avail; sneakily trying to place his arms around your shoulder before one of your brothers notice and throw the nearest object they can grab his way. not letting you carry anything while hes around, claiming how “youll never have to lift a finger again” if you give him a chance. hell, even dropping down to the floor to tie your shoelaces the second he realises the laces have come loose, taking his time to stand back up afterwards as he slowly rakes his eyes over your figure so he can fully take in every inch of you. every attempt of his to make you swoon for him is met with “sorry sweetheart, still not into minors” and a small ruffle of his hair which gives him a dopey smile. you would think he would start to back off eventually but to your dismay every rejection you have handed to him has just made his desire for you grow stronger - he takes your words as “try again when youre 18”

which is exactly what he does. on his 18th birthday his friends decide to throw him a massive party - being the twins chaperone you had to come along and when suna set his eyes on you, you knew there was no chance of you escaping his antics. you catch him glancing at you multiple times throughout the night before he gets pulled away by one of his guests, a disappointed look in his eyes every time he had to look away from you.

after a couple of hours you decide to step outside onto the balcony to catch some fresh air seeing as there was no sign of the party dying down anytime soon. you’re outside for maybe 5 minutes when you hear the door slide open, you already know who its going to be seeing as he has been trying to catch you alone all night, you turn around to finally face the boy and he looks as ecstatic as ever.

“happy birthday suna.” you swear you can see his soul leave his body the second those words leave your mouth, its not the first time youve said it to him tonight - youre not that cruel as to not wish the poor boy a happy birthday on his special day - but everything that comes out of your mouth looks like it sends him to heaven and back.

“thankyou yn, i appreciate you being here, but then again, i know you cant spend more that a week away from me because youre just so obsessed with me.”

“wow, am i that easy to read?” you chuckle along with him, noticing the way his gaze doesnt stray away from your face while you face forward, “so, how does it feel finally being legal?”

“incredible, it means you can finally give me a chance.” he doesnt miss the way you sigh at his words.

“suna we’v-“

“i know that we’ve been over this, but i don’t really think you mean it,” this gains an eye roll from you, “plus, my one wish when i blew out my candles was that you would give me a kiss.”

“really? well i guess your going to have to go without this year.”

“it was my birthday wish, youre not gonna deny me that are you?”

“yknow, if you tell your wish to someone it doesnt come true right?”

“yn…please,�� his voice is barely above a whisper, he sounds desperate, “i have been waiting for three years, all i ask for is one kiss, just one.”

“i think youre forgetting that im 22 and you are freshly 18.”

“im still 18 though.”

“hm… you make a good point,” you see the way he perks up slightly at your evaluation, a hopeful look becoming more prominent in his eyes, “one kiss. let it be my official gift for the birthday boy.” you might have well as told him he had just one the lottery, anyone who walked past the sliding door would think you had due to the way his smile was so wide.

“thankyou” is all he can muster up before he is snaking his hand up your body and with a hand tangled up in your hair he leans down until his lips touch yours, you can feel the shit eating grin spread across his face as he gently moves his lips in sync with yours, pulling away slightly to whisper “best birthday ever” before leaning back in <3

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shortnotsweet · 4 months

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This technically applies to my Stepmother AU in which Alicent is around six years older than Rhaenyra, and occupies a wicked stepmother role as opposed to ex ‘friends-to-first loves-to-enemies’. Despite lacking the foundation of shared girlhood, both find simultaneous comfort and rivalry in one another, and undergo a gravitational pull. A young Rhaenyra’s eagerness to participate in swordplay and political affairs at a young is accommodated for, and she grows up with a sword in one hand and the weight of experience in another, which further helps pave her way to the throne.

Alicent’s Costuming

Alicent’s clothing is almost entirely bottle, emerald, or forest green. While there is layering present in her skirts and jackets, the accent should always be a darker green than the base color. The fabric is deep, rich, and retains an undeniably high-quality luster. Look to velvets and silks. Gold embroidery lingers around her sleeves, neck, and hemline to elevate the coloring.

Metallic embellishments should be almost military-like, and appear heavy. Contribute to the imagery of chains or shackles in addition to her status

Draws inspiration from historically accurate stiffness and Victorian shapes, with a tapered waist, imposing, puffy sleeves, and a high neckline. Despite inaccuracies, this shape is evocative of someone elegantly and conservatively feminine, repressed, and capable of exerting power over others. Reference a classic, trussed hourglass shape. Skirts should be notably heavy and full; may make noise in movement

The coloring and shapes remain relatively consistent but lack variation; this is to demonstrate a lack of freedom and exploration, as well as an adherence to conventional feminine roles

Despite these limitations, her costuming should always be put-together, coordinated, and unquestionably fashionable. Tight sleeve cuffs may be accompanied by a more traditionally medieval fan sleeve

Shoes should stick mostly to slippers, or flat designs

In this AU, her hair leans more towards a dark brown instead of auburn, as her show counterpart. This is mostly due to faux-book accuracy and to simplify the sketch process, since keeping her hair darker in comparison to Rhaenyra’s lighter hair translates more easily in uncolored renderings.

Keep her hair either in a tidy bun or pulled back and loose; avoid too many intricate shapes, braids, or styles. Occasionally, the hair will hang loose. Lean into medieval or royal headpieces, clips, coverings, etc.

Rhaenyra’s Costuming

Rhaenyra’s clothes are primarily black and red, occasionally accented or substituted with neutrals such as beige, white, or gray. Exceptions may include blue or yellow, but she generally stays in this color palette.

Strong focus is drawn to her shoulders and neckline, sometimes with embroidered or embellished detailing. She often has strong, angular shoulders in her dresses or jackets, occasionally theatrically pointed. Off-the shoulder necklines emphasize her collarbones and a certain broadness.

There should be decent variety in her clothing; there is a hypothetical outfit for every occasion and more (for battle, for riding, everyday, formal, feasts, everyday, etc.), and most should be composed of multiple pieces and utilize generous layering. This includes under-fabric, belts and corsets, jackets and doublets, draped fabric for aesthetic purpose, and even functional capes.

Most of her clothes should provide visual aid for movement; additional fabric to her skirts, for example. Her clothes should be highly stylized but still easy to move in. In riding and battle gear, it is presumed that she wears pants and boots under her skirts, even if they are not visible.

Shoes lean more into boot cuts, still practical but should have a sleek and uniform quality to them. When she walks, she should make some kind of noise. Shoes should usually be black or potentially red, the latter for decorative purposes.

Overall her style should be more contemporary and lean into the fantasy element. She’s not opposed to oriental details or showing skin, and her costumes should reflect both couture-height drama and period-reliant aspects. Longer lines and diagonal hems mean she is not as devoted to an hourglass shape, and her high collars should always be decorative in some respect.

Keep her hair long and mostly loose, sometimes pulled back. Small braids should be implied as incorporated. Occasional hairstyles feature complicated braids. With the exception of highly decorative braided styles, simple buns should be avoided unless accompanied with very high necklines.

Avoid headpieces that are not either a) her crown or b) ceremonial.

#rhaenicent #rhaenyra targaryen #alicent hightower #house of the dragon #hotd #rhaenyra x alicent #asoiaf #my art #thinking about how their character and costume designs are so communicative and are designed with each other in mind. for example havijg bc #the strong shoulders and embroidered necklines keeps them connected although imo they could’ve played around with it a lot more #I just have a lot of thoughts about them ok

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jabesa0 · 5 months

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⚜️wear the hat, ride the cowboy⚜️

This one has a nsfw ver. too! The link to it is on my Twitter!

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obm #mammon obey me #obey me mammon #obey me fanart #mammon #obm mammon #i fucking love him GRAAHHHH #I just kept adding more and more things to him #like half the details here were thought of plus added while making it #I want him in a way that’s so crazy and so strong that the world would shatter if I tried to tell you #I’m chewing on my cellular while looking at him #fuucckkkkkk he’s perfect

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risestarkiss · 5 months

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Rise Ramblings #265

Well that explains this:

...and possibly this?

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hajihiko · 7 months

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Hold me back 😡😡😡

#Make your own context for what's going on here! Who made them so angry?#Fuyuhiko kuzuryu #Hajime hinata #Kuzuhina #Sdr2 #Super danganronpa 2 #Danganronpa 2 #Danganronpa #Sometimes I just dont have the patience to refine a sketch OR wait to post #So I'll rb this tonight hehe #An art #Thoughts: Fuyuhiko does snap very often and his anger issues don't evaporate even tho he's doing better #So he does need someone to keep him in check especially around the traumatized rest of the class who do not like being threatened or yelled #Hajime stays much cooler but if he DOES snap he also needs something grounding for his own sake #strong emotions can blind him for a moment and he's too strong for his own good

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theotherhappyplace · 8 months

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Me: how could we inspire hate in a cosmic horror god if we are so small and insignificant?

Brain: how do people react to a spider in their bed. Or maggots in their fridge?

Me: oh

Me: OH NO

#cosmic horror #cosmic horror thoughts #the revulsion and absurd terror people feel #the fear i myself have felt #illogical repulsions #the bug can't even understand what i am what i do. how strong i am how long lived #if anything what am i to a creature so small? a form of terrible weather? a cataclysm?#a god looking at you and in terror shrieking DONT TOUCH ME GET OUT OF MY HOUSE

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jeongin-lvr · 3 months

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What if…. Bimbo Reader x perv Changbin <3

Changbin who adoressss his girlfriend a little too much. Who takes your hand walking in busy streets and holds your waist because you get distracted and starry eyed so easily. He has to make sure no one in public spaces is staring at your skirt as it rises; blocking them and fixing your skirt sweetly while secretly side-eyeing the other men trying to sneak a peek. But it’s not your fault… no you’re just a little air-headed it’s okay! He likes you that way <3

And then he tries his best to hold himself back when he sees the outline of your panties in your spandex. When he sees your pretty legs or when your top lowers itself and he catches a glimpse at your pretty tits pressed together. He’ll make sure no one else sees it— because it’s all his to view <33

In private he’ll hold your waist from behind and bend you over the nearest table after spending an entire day looking after you. Groaning as he presses himself against your pretty ass and lifts your skirt. And god forbid you wear those pretty pink panties he loves; knowing that if you even bent a little in that skirt you wore anyone could see it almost made him angry. So of course he has to slide them to the side, catching a glimpse of your pretty slick. Telling you to keep still. Telling you gently to take all he has to give because you deserve it and so does he.

#I really want him I’m ngl #he’s just so BIG AND STRONG AND EEEEEEEE #skz changbin #skz smut #skz hard thoughts #skz hard hours #changbin smut #changbin x reader #seo changbin

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harmonizingsunsets · 11 months

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