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Secrets! A Memory of Light with Brandon Sanderson | 10th Anniversary Livestream MAJOR SPOILERS - 10.01.2023

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Brandon Sanderson & Matt Hatch, The Innkeeper of The Dusty Wheel did A Memory of Light 10th Anniversary livestream on 10.01.2023 where they discussed a final Wheel of Time secret which Brandon has been waiting to share with fans along with untold stories around it.

Please, take notice that most of the conversation was typed manually by hand and also was “edited” to get fluent text. Some mistakes in the transcription are inevitable.

SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT!

(I am sorry if your "read more" doesn't work)

MATT HATCH: Question about the pipe. If I remember correctly your answer was you don't know.

BRANDON SANDERSON: I don't know. I legitimately don't know. So I got handed this scene at the end where Rand lights his pipe and I asked Harriet. She said, “I don't know. Robert Jordan didn't say.” I've always maintained my thought is that being so close to the Pattern for so long gave Rand the opportunity to influence it. Indeed some of my writings brought him even closer to the Pattern in A Memory of Light. Harriet says, and I've heard her say this multiple times - she just thinks Jim wanted to indicate that the Fourth Age would be as different from the Third Age as the Third Age was from the Second.

MH: So tonight's secret is not going to be about the pipe.

BS: We don't know. You'll have to get an answer from Robert Jordan himself if you want an answer to that question.

MH: So it is also not the another question that comes from the end of these books, which is - who is Nakomi. Do you want to tell us for those of you…? That answer is actually out there. It's in a book. Brandon actually had Michael Livingston included…

BS: Michael Livingston was putting together his history of The Wheel of Time. He's like, “Are there any tidbits you can give me?” It seemed like a good place. He was actually wanting to… He poked on Nakomi specifically. Like “Is there anything I can say?” And I'm like, “Well, get permission from Harriet and Maria.” He went to them and they're like, “Yeah, sure! It seems like a good place.”

So one of the most important pieces of writing that we got finished by Robert Jordan - and I tried very hard to include as much of quote-unquote the finished writing as I could, it wasn't polished but it was written - was the scene where Rand stumbles out from after everything's done and then he like is blurry-eyed. He's in Moridin's body at that point. I mean she says, “Yes. That's right. Yes. That's the right thing.” I've interpreted that as he's already done it and because he's strong enough to carry the other body out at that point. So I've always interpreted that she's like, “Oh, what did you do? Oh, that's the right thing to have done!” basically. But I tried to include this close to word for word as I could and he can't make out the figure but it's a woman's voice. And you can go read the scene. It's exactly, well it's not exactly because there was a lot of line edits and things like that happened - most of that was under Harriet's direction. But basically I'm like, all right, so we have this mysterious figure. Is this the same voice that spoke at Tarwin's gap that we haven't heard since The Eye of the World? Who is this? What is this? I thought, well, I need a foreshadowing for this. And I devised the scene where Nakomi shows up and talks to Avienda. Ran it past the team. I would like some other hint or foreshadowing at this person and I wrote that scene with Avienda. I needed somebody there. I don't think that scene is actually happening in, I think she's asleep by that point. That's canon. I think as I recall she's asleep. That's canon.

Now we stray into Brandon's interpretation, which is not canon, which is kind of a weird thing for the person who wrote it to say but I very deliberately didn't... Robert Jordan's scene was vague enough by intent that I didn't want the text to give clear answers because I wanted Robert Jordan's text to be able to remain… He wrote it so that Rand didn't know. What I think this is an avatar of the Creator in the same way that Shaidar Haran is an avatar of the Dark One. That is how the perspective I used in writing it but that's not actual canon. That is my best interpretation of what I think was going on but that's subject to discussion and disagreement. I'm an authoritative not definitive voice in this specific instance if that makes sense.

MH: The book is fascinating but including that side of Nakomi… There's a section of it where Brandon talks about this thing that you're mentioning and you left some kind of it was vague in some parts, you said, “I think it's like this but not like this.” So it did seem like there was room to…

BS: There's room to question and disagree. I've seen really good evidence-based disagreements with my theory on this that I say, “You've got good points”. And so I am not the definitive voice for The Wheel of Time right now, in particular. Even when I was writing it, I could be the definitive voice if I wanted to be anything that I wanted to canonize into the books, I could. And I made the choices, I made very deliberately to try to preserve things I thought that Robert Jordan wanted to be left a mystery. Аs I often say, I was Sam carrying the Ring for a while. I gave up the Ring after I finished The Wheel of Time, and I stopped being the definitive voice for The Wheel of Time. So I can only give you kind of my impressions and recollections. I asked a lot about who Shaidar Haran was and what it meant and things like this. I'm like that makes sense within the world building of The Wheel of Time. I would assume that the Creator would do something similar maybe. That was my theorizing on it.

MH: Because I think you had written about this where you said that Harriet was, the all of Team Jordan said, “We have no idea who this person is”.

BS: They did not know this. So pipe - no answer. Half answer on the Nakomi.

MH: So now there's a third one that some of you thought this might be, although others have pointed out this one has sort of been answered also. The question around the body swap itself. How did that happen? What's the theory there? And there was a couple years back someone on Reddit posted their theory and kind of basically tagged you and said, “Hey, does this theory is sound?” Basically the idea that we all recognize the balefire meeting somehow…

BS: I believe the balefire entangling, connecting their souls is canon. So I believe that that is legit the way it happened. I think he teased it and stuff but I consider that canon. I consider that straight up canon, personally. I wrote the books as if that was the canon answer.

MH: This is what you replied to that person about their theory - basically I think you're right about the crossing ability connecting the souls of bodies. But the second part of this, you said, there was something in the notes or Harriet related something from the notes to you that Robert Jordan said “the soul that wanted to live found the body that wanted to live, and the soul that wanted to die didn't go to the effort or something to that effect”.

BS: Yes, that's exactly what… I can't remember if she told it to me or if it's in the notes and that's the answer that she gave me. That's the best answer we have. That phrase that I use there like that comes straight from the source. It might be filtered through a few people but at one point that came from the source and so you can hold to that explanation pretty firmly.

MH: Were you satisfied about the body swap?

BS: Yeah, that makes perfect sense. I know that like what Robert Jordan was looking for was for a chance for Rand to just put down the weight and go live a life. I can only assume that he knew once you're Rand al'Thor, you can't do this without being recognized. Even your description is super distinctive. So the idea of putting him in another body seemed like a perfect way for this to happen, and for the idea that the Dragon has died, there's the corpse we can hold a funeral, and things like that, is a fitting end. It's such an Aes Sedai answer to “the Dragon Reborn has died” that it's like a fitting and philosophically to the series as well.

MH: Those are the secrets that a lot of people thought or maybe asked or wondered if we'd be answering today. I didn't see anyone mention this. In fact I'm going to say this right now to my friends who know me really well is, I was surprised that you haven't… Anyways, well, let's talk about the secret, Brandon. I had the chance, Brandon invited me along with a number of other fans in the community 10 years ago or 12 years ago to help beta read the final books. I got a chance to be part of Towers of Midnight and A Memory of Light...

BS: I don't know that we got to beta read on the first one. I think Harriet was too afraid of it leaking. I don't know if there are beta readers, if there were, it was like only Jason

MH: I believe Jason was part of that. Jason Denzel of Dragonmount was part of that one and I believe even at that time they're like printing the book out.

BS: We printed and there was a lot of concern about digital copies of things back then. And I mean it's not without reason like the Twilight book leaked and got out and that was devastating to the author. I've never been as worried about these things. I show off early writing all the time but she was trying very hard to preserve the legacy and memory of Robert Jordan. She didn't want to have a leak happen so we had to jump through even a number of hoops with the digital copies.

MH: I signed an NDA for A Memory of Light and got an individual password and an individual copy of the book so if I had leaked that everyone would have known it was mine.

BS: Yes, you in particular. If you leaked yours because there was a scene, we've talked about before, that was inserted just to you.

MH: If you don't know, have never heard about this, but if you want to see a legit official, the only official fan fiction that was ever allowed to be written about The Wheel of Time - it is a deleted scene from Towers of Midnight that ended up in my copy of the beta read, and there's a whole story about it, just to troll me. It was amazing. There's a video out there.

[link for the video= https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oe376W9EM0U ]

So the reason I bring up the beta read is in Towers of Midnight. I remember this happened - we only had about two weeks and you can imagine trying to find all, as a fan you're like I want to help find anything, any issue that might be there. And so you're scouring this before it goes out to the public. I remember at times where I wouldn't make certain comments because I would see something that made sense to me. So I didn't tell, I didn't put in the document “This is why it made sense to me.” I remember Brandon had come to me after Towers of Midnight and he's like, “Why didn't you write why it made sense to you?” And I'm like, well, it made sense to me. This was possible so I didn't need to put in. He's like, “Just write everything you're thinking basically into this beta document.” So when A Memory of Light came around, I tried to do that a little bit more. And there is a scene and we'll talk about that scene here shortly, there was a scene in A Memory of Light, but I will not reveal just what scene, but there's a person in this scene and this person says something that I thought was out of character. I thought it was out of character so strongly that I wrote a lot in the beta document of how this must be what was your plan, Brandon. Because this would never like, this is too obvious. I remember writing there, “This is too obvious. Change this.” and I didn't hear back.

BS: I don't think I changed it though. I think it was only obvious to you.

MH: You did not change it. This is the issue for those of you watching - it's not like a letter back and forth between Brandon and his tens of beta readers of every comment. There's not enough time for that. So you would make comments and it would either turn into pages or not.

BS: I would get the document and I would…

MH: It would either be changes or wouldn't be changes and actually you would go back and read it afterwards looking for a change if it was made and you did not make a change.

BS: A lot of people who are beta reading, one of the things they don't understand is foreshadowing. When it needs to be obvious and when it doesn't and what is obvious and what isn't. Beta readers tend to be a little off the mark on foreshadowing. Particularly if it's someone like you who's really deeply into the lore, something that seems obvious to do is actually easily missed. I think time has proven that I'm right.

MH: I did not anticipate that this would be the case. So basically I gave him my feedback and months went by, the book was being published and the month before it was published in December. I looked at the text I had sent Brandon. You invited me down on December 13th to take part in a Magic draft and I had brought Taylor [Matt’s son] with and we had come down to play Magic and I had said to you, “Hey, if you have time afterwards, when you had time in your life after a Magic draft, to go grab a bite to eat afterwards.” So this is what happened everyone - the night of December 13th we had Magic draft afterwards. It was real late so there weren't a lot of places open so we went to IHOP. Because that's where you go - you go to IHOP. So we went and sat down and this is how I remember it. So I'll tell you this and you can add texture to how you remember it. Taylor and I sat down there and we started talking about this is the end of the series, it's coming out and and at some point you looked at me and you said, “I'll answer any question you have about The Wheel of Time.”

BS: Yep. And I knew there was a question burning because I had read that document. There are things that Matt is really interested in that only he picks up on. That I knew he wanted to ask me about.

MH: And you can imagine if Brandon asks you, “You can ask any question“, there were a lot going through my head but Brandon clearly knew the one I would ask him. So everyone this is the question I asked Brandon in that moment…

BS: Let me do the reveal. I want to talk through my philosophy on this. So this is the big reveal. I approached A Memory of Light and I sat down and I said, all right, what do all of the characters want? What is their ideal situation? If the books gonna end, what do each of them want is their ideal situation? For most of them it was pretty obvious. With a lot of them I had some big indications from Robert Jordan. What does Rand need and want? He wants to be left alone for a while. That's a good kind of foreshadowing of this. So I asked the question, “what does Lanfear want”? And my answer was, “Lanfear is screwed”, because no solution to this puzzle, that is an obvious solution, ends with her in a good situation. Because if the Dark One wins, she's screwed. She has been playing her own game. Everyone knows it. She's way down on the totem pole right now, everyone hates her. Dark One wins she is just… it's a terrible, terrible situation for her. The good guys win, that's also terrible for her because they're gonna hunt down the remaining Forsaken and they're going to take them out. You don't leave Forsaken around. And if the good guys win, that means they're stronger than the Dark One, there's no hope for [Lanfear].

This is in my opinion the best schemer or at least my favorite schemer. They're all pretty good. But my best schemer of them all. What is her solution? And I realized before I sat down to write the book - what she needs is everyone to think she's dead but the good guys to win. If all the other Forsaken can get taken down and she's the only one, and no one knows she's alive, the world is her oyster. She is suddenly one of the most powerful, if not the most powerful being alive. Nobody knows it, she can go into the shadows and do her thing and so she kicks off. We kicked some of this stuff off in the previous book but because these were all being written together as one I realized what we want, what Lanfear wants, is this. And how would she go about doing that and so the secret is… Why don't you ask your question?

MH: So the comment I made to Brandon in the document, if you all remember the scene at the end of А Memory of Light is - Lanfear is messing with Perrin and they're in a place, in a state, where the following comment by Lanfear makes zero sense, which is - she says basically “I'm going to count to three and at three we're both gonna do something here.”, which didn't require Perrin at all. But Perrin thought he was necessary to this process because he was clearly being Compelled which he believes he breaks.

BS: He believes he cannot be Compelled. He's had evidence presented in these books that he can't be Compelled in this way. Evidence deliberately laid to make him think that.

MH: So I remember reading that and I thought to myself like, “Why would Lanfear ever be so obvious to Perrin in something like this?” It was one of those things where I was like, “This is too obvious.” If this is really happening what I think is happening here, which honestly if you know me I wanted to happen, which was that Lanfear would survive it, should be hidden and more subtle. And so I remember thinking, “I don't know what Brandon's gonna do here.” But you said, “Matt, asked me a question.” and my question was, “Is Lanfear alive?”

BS: And the answer was, “Yes, Lanfear is alive.” Now you've got to understand I thought that was more than just that line that was pretty obvious. I thought her whole story was an intentional… I thought people pick up on like this isn't almost not a caricature but she's doing the expected thing, but she doesn't have the history with Perrin she has with Rand. Why would she be doing this? I thought I'd get called out on that and I really didn't, at least not by the beta readers and things. So the whole plot on her side was she needed to give something plausible that when it got back to Rand if he lived, he would believe that this all happened. And so the whole idea of playing with Perrin and things like this was to give as credible a witness as she possibly could to her demise so that there would be no question in the minds of the heroes if she lived. And then she also got the bonus of supporting Perrin to try to make sure that the good guys won which she's acting, she legit like we cannot have with the Dark One win. That’s the worst outcome for her.

MH: Her goal was always to take out the Dark One. Of all the Forsaken everyone has always asked “Why do you love this Forsaken?” It's because it's the only Forsaken that ever had the plan to take out...

BS: She's hoping. But anyway the whole plot with Perrin was calculated as a way to when the good guys ask the most credible witness, basically that in the books that I could come up with was Perrin. A lot of what's happening to him has been twisted. Some of it's happening in the World of Dreams in ways that he thinks he's really expert in and I take effort to show how expert he is. But he is no expert over Lanfear. He's just confident enough to believe that he's right when he's saying things that just aren't happening and he's being manipulated at every point.

MH: She plays into that confidence that he has. I love that because he has come to believe that he has mastered this place and time and that this person that he could actually take out Forsaken. That they would be in such a position that he could do this and he believes it 100% which is well crafted.

BS: That was my goal with this one and so our end state is that indeed Lanfear is the most dangerous person alive. Next to Rand she's probably the most powerful person alive. And nobody knows it and she is so cool with that. So I'll leave to your imaginations. This is canon. I went to Harriet and team and I pitched this idea to them. They all approved it. They've known about it all of these years. They approved us revealing it here. This is not Brandon. This is straight up the way that I built the books and is straight up canon.

MH: It's funny because Taylor's like, “You gotta remember to enjoy this moment.” And the reason why - I have to share some really funny things that have happened around this. Because this was my theory before December 13th happened. Because when Brandon said “yes”, I split my mind as a fan who has been behind the scenes and in front of the scenes doing the beta read to “My theory is Lanfear is alive.” before I understood that Brandon said “Lanfear was alive.” So for the last 10 years I've actually shared with fans my theory on this because technically you never had to reveal this and it could always remain a theory. But I'm sure there are some of my friends who now realize that maybe I was trolling them a little bit for a decade. But it was honestly I was just so excited that this theory existed and now that we can actually share that.

BS: Yeah, and one of the things I did after, we talked about this, is I said to you, “One of the reasons I'm telling you this is so that in however many years when I finally get to reveal this secret when Harriet says, “It's time”, you can start talking about these things.” I will have somebody there before the book came out who can witness and it's Taylor (laughter). Taylor hadn't read any of the books at all. He's a 13 year old kid who's enjoying his pancakes and he's like, “I don't know you guys talking about.”

MH: I was gonna say like not necessarily I would make a great witness to this particular mystery in the sense that everyone would believe that I would want it to be true.

BS: Everyone would believe it you are the one of the few people I could talk to about this because you picked up on it. But I also do have communications. I actually wrote an email to Harriet that's in my thing and I said, “Just so you know I'm writing this out so that we have email confirmation.” Because once in a while fans will be like “Oh, you're retconning.” This one was submerged enough in the text that I knew that if I didn't do some of these things it might seem like a JK Rowling likes to come back and be like, “Oh, I meant this all along.” and you're like “Sure. Yeah. Okay. We totally believe you.” This is the last secret that I've been been hiding. The last big secret.

MH: By the way Taylor has really funny memories from this because Brandon obviously said “yes” at an IHOP. This IHOP was not empty. There were people sitting around us and as soon as he said “yes”, I remember feeling some level of paranoia. Oh my gosh! Everyone's going to know about this thing and I looked over to Taylor and I was like, “Lanfear who?” and he's like, “I don't know who you're talking about, dad.”

Taylor to MH: You turn over and go, “Do you remember anything we just said?” And I was like “What?” And you are “Good.”

MH: Taylor this entire time has been so excited over this last decade. He's like, “Someday this is gonna come out”. And we would go to JordanCon and I sing a parody, Wheel of Time parody at JordanCon every year. It's called “Freak” based on “Creep”. It's about the theory behind Asmodean's demise and how I was wrong about Asmodean and who killed Asmodean. I changed the last stanza of that song a couple of times. And one I changed about five years ago it goes: “Now it's all over but one theory remains. She was too special and never so casual because she was a freak. She was Forsaken. What the hell was she doing there? Lanfear fooling everyone. May she live forever.” Taylor said, “I can't believe you just sang this song.” And I said, “It's just fun. I'm having a little bit of fun throwing this out there.” I didn't know Brandon came to JordanCon like two or three years ago…

BS: And I outed you.

MH: Yes. I think Brandon's mentioned my name like, “Matt is one of the people that knows.” Taylor came running to me at JordanCon. He's like, “Do you know that Brandon just told everyone that you know the answer to this final secret? Maybe you should stop singing this song now to everyone and stop telling everyone about your theory.” So just a funny little pieces of the story of things that were happening.

BS: I liked Lanfear when I came back to the books though Lanfear had been, was kind of at all-time low, shall we say. Not just in what she'd achieved but in how much she felt like herself. One of my goals was, I loved, I still love, the dynamic between Rand, Lanfear and more than Elan, however you want to say Ishamael, where the classic sort of one that... They actually leaned into in the television show which is one of the things I like about the television show is, they're leaning into, particularly with Ishamael, is leaning into this idea that they knew each other. They were friends and the personalities that they expressed, like Ishamael, it's not the first book but as the books progress. I really wanted to lean into that in my three books. It's one of my favorite relationship dynamics and so kind of bringing Lanfear back is more as the Lanfear that she had been and exploring Ishamael more like in his actual persona of himself more. That's really interesting to me and so you can see in my three books those are things that I explore.

(…)

BS: Оne of the most interesting parts about The Wheel of Time is this idea of my soul lived before and the memories of that past life kind of intruding on my present life. It's just really interesting. So yes, Lanfear is one of my favorites. If you're going to have me rank them - she's near the top. Elan is my favorite. Something about him and the different incarnations of him through is really interested me.

MH: I also wanted to talk about what I call A Memory of Light outline.

BS: That's what the document is named.

MH: So one of the documents in Robert Jordan's notes, in fact you can find this document out there, is call A Memory of Light outline. But you want to explain to everybody what that…

BS: As I remember now, it's been years, as my recollection of it is I'm like, “Oh, you have an outline!” when they first gave this to me. They said to me, “No, Robert Jordan didn't work from outlines. That's not exactly how he did it.” And the document called |A Memory of Light outline was actually constructed by Team Jordan. It was not an outline that Robert Jordan prepared for me. It was instead them going through every bit of notes they could find and pulling anything that seemed the least bit relevant to A Memory of Light putting them into one file and then Alan tried to put them in an order. This is Alan Romanczuk and Maria Simons and Harriet - those are Team Jordan. So this A Memory of Light outline as I understand, again been a long time, but as I understand this was not created by Robert Jordan. This was created by his team after he died for me specifically.

MH: It makes sense because one of the things that it talks about is and for those who are wondering what this is like – it kind of has categories and it's like these people, this thing, that's happening and then it would include kind of a summary of something or…

BS: One of those three written by Alan. The summeries are written by Alan and in places that includes things that they got as transcriptions on. So they were working on this before Robert Jordan died because part of it like they'll go ask him a question and he'll tell them. They'll transcribe it and then they just put the transcription into the outline and so a bunch of Q&A. I assume it's the same one you're reading that there's Q&A stuff in there.

MH: I'm not sure. I think you got a much more. Тhis one feels like more summary items about big things.

BS: Some of those might be written by Robert Jordan.

MH: I'll give you an example of one: “Rand and company have surrounded Shayol Ghul. He takes Callandor and Laman's sword to control the Dark One long enough to seal him up the Bore. Callandor is used to link Rand between the two access keys, one male, one female.” and then parentheses “female one melted when Rand cleansed the male half of the One Power.”

BS: So the parentheses on that is written by Alan. That is a piece they found from a previous notes file for one of the old books before book nine, I guess, where Robert Jordan like when fans would say, “Do you have the ending written down?” I think he's talking about this. That he went and wrote it into his notes so he has the ending as he imagines it at that point. This is probably written like the book six period or something like that and they're finding these things and slicing them out and putting so in that case. Then they're adding notes and to help me to remind how are they gonna have the access keys if one of them was destroyed in book nine.

MH: So there's stuff like that. So I wanted everyone to understand that the things we're talking about isn't necessarily like the last thing that was like written this is exactly how it has to happen. A lot of these things were compiled of things that Robert Jordan had imagined would happen but details had already he changed that he had written.

BS: And there's sometimes where there's two options or three options. He's like, “I might do this and things like that”. What you've got to understand is part of my job was sifting through all of this and figuring out how to make the story out of it that both queued as closely to his vision as was reasonable but also made a good story and fulfilled on all the arcs that were happening. I remember Harriet sitting me down and saying, “Robert Jordan, when he wrote this, he always took chances and changed big things he was planning in every book he wrote because it was for the good of the story. You need to take big chances. You need to be willing to change things and you need to be willing to make the most fulfilling story possible”. Those were things that she told me when I started working on this project. Because at first I was trying too close. I tried to insert one of the scenes that he'd written as is - when I say written, it was like really just almost bullet points - and she's like, “No, that's not how this goes. I'm not expecting you to try to preserve every word of Robert Jordan. I expect you to preserve the soul of The Wheel of Time the best you can”.

MH: I remember you talking a lot about this because the Aviendha scene from Towers of Midnight where she goes back through and sees basically what seems like the future and that this was something if I remember correctly you…

BS: I pitched them and they were uncertain about that one. I pitched a bunch of things, some of them like for instance the whole thing with Bao - just in the end execution didn't work. There's some that we just killed in the idea stage but some of them they were uncertain about, I tried out and they worked. Aviendha worked. After I wrote that Team Jordan's like, “This a showpiece scene in the book. Nice work”. Some of them they're like, “Ah, no, this probably needs to go.” And you've seen all of those at this point the things that been cut.

MH: I want to ask about one of those. Have we seen the one the bridal wreath scene?

That one I remember I went through an old interview you had done with Dragonmount and talked about it.

BS: I love the bridal wreath scene. It's real short.

MH: Do you think we'll ever see that out there someday?

BS: Yeah, sure. I'm sure we will. But the bridal wreath scene was actually cut for tone reasons. It happened in my mind off screen. It was happening at the beginning of A Memory of Light during the fall of (…) It's Talmanes where he's like almost getting killed and he's fighting… It's happening during that, it's interspersed like we're doing our quick cuts that I like to do near the end, and we're cutting from Talmanes nearly dying to a myrddraal to “Hey, look at what this thing that I'm weaving in the wreath means for me.” I didn't write them that way. I wrote them by viewpoint and then wove them together. And after I wove them together, Harriet’s like, “You're really gonna cut from this to this?” And I’m like, “No, we can't cut from that to that.”

MH: Can you explain the bridal wreath scene very quickly as to what that was?

BS: I mean you need a bridal wreath that you weave. When you are Aiel, weave a wreath. Min, Elayne and Aviendha are like, “We gotta get him a bridal wreath.” That's like tradition and so they all go in. They get different plants that represent them to weave together into a wreath made by the three of them. The fun of it's like, “Here's what my plant is and this is why we're sticking it in lots of them have thorns”.

MH: Just like coming off to Talmanes the scene might have not worked.

BS: It just did not work.

MH: Now the reason I've set this all up. I want to describe this because I want to ask you about one of these pieces from A Memory of Light outline that will maybe be a surprise or this isn't necessarily a secret but it's hasn't been talked about. There's two sections that talk about Egwene in this document. One is, it's kind of over a section like Egwene and Gawyn in a subsection of that says Egwene becomes pregnant. And then there's a section about the Last Battle that says Egwene is nearly killed and is saved by Egeanin. So you got asked a question about Egwene’s death. I want to read the answer you gave to a fan back in the day and then I want to talk about this idea of the choices you made about Egwene. So in answering a question about Egewne’s death you said:

“It is never my intention to just "kill off" a character for shock value, and I can assume that RJ felt the same way, from what I've read and studied. That said, the answer to your question comes down to believing that almost every character sees themselves as the hero of their own story. Even if you know they are eventually going to die, you usually don't want to write it that way. (The exception is for tragic characters, where the foreshadowing of their impending demise is a natural consequence of their bad choices.) In the case of a protagonist being lost, the proper course (in my eyes) is to build them up in exactly the same way that you would build up everyone else. Maybe even more. You must make them LIVE before they can die. Getting back to what I said at the start, I never "kill off" characters. I allow characters to take the risks they demand, and even sacrifice themselves if they demand, for the good of the goals they want to achieve. Again, I can only assume RJ had a similar philosophy from what I've read. I haven't answered yet who decided that the particularly character you mention should die--because, in the end, it was the character's choice, and not ours. My job is not to coddle them, but to make certain their death is a good one. (And if I failed in that regard, I apologize.)”

So talk to us about Egwene and her character arc and what it was that you felt kind of demanded how that ended.

BS: So there's a couple of pieces in this. One of the big kind of powwows that I had with Team Jordan was sitting down and the group of us saying, “All right. What the casualities are?” Again this isn't to kill off people for shock value or anything but say, is the story gonna have casualties, what are the appropriate ones, what are the character arcs, and things like this. We spent a long time talking and one of the things we were pretty sure on is that there needed to be heroic sacrifices at the Last Battle and if there weren't that the story just would lack the potency that we want. But we also knew that certain characters we just had to leave at the ending Robert Jordan decided. He had actually written scenes for them and things like that. We talked about a lot of characters, not just what I would call the main four, the main five, and some casualties were decided upon that weren't in the notes. I would say there's a number of them that either the fate was left uncertain or Robert Jordan had said something minor about them. Egwene was one of them.

We decided where is a Egewne's arc really going and we looked at Amyrlins in the past and we looked at the Battle Ajah and we looked at who's going to be like the big fiery fighting force because Rand's not there. Rand’s off dueling realities. And we just decided, number one, Robert Jordan had said that somewhere in there he wanted Gawyn to die and we're like okay, you lose your Warder, it's a big deal. Number two, Battle Ajah, where there's two places we could have taken away. One is Amylrin who rules for 100 years in peace and during a new Age. And that's kind of what I think everyone expected for Egwene. And the other one was key person that without the Last Battle falls apart and we went that direction and decided that Egwene is our big casualty. Egwene is the kick to the stomach that we're gonna do and this was decided by Team Jordan. I won't say who in Team Jordan pitched this specific one.

We all kind of pitched different things that we felt were appropriate. This one I feel very strongly is very appropriate. I feel it's appropriate to her character where she’s going her arc, her place in the story. One of my themes I wanted for A Memory of Light is you can't go through an ensemble book series and then have Rand be the only one that matters. I think one of the points of The Wheel of Time as a series is, yeah, it starts off as a hero's journey about Rand, and by the end it's a story of a world and all the people at the turning point. And if there isn't somebody. If the all the characters aren't really relevant in some way, in particular, there isn't somebody who's almost as relevant as Rand, then we're doing something wrong. So we made this call and this is a call that wasn't Robert Jordan. This was us.

(…)

MH: How does post-A Memory of Light Rand stack up to a shard in terms of power?

BS: I imagine that in Rand's realm he is as powerful or maybe more. That's my interpretation, like if he is, as I imagined the direct manifestation of the Pattern and what he wills happens, this is more powerful than the shard. Because there's no balancing factor to him. I don't know if he is that powerful but in my imagination that's what Rand is. He basically can imagine something and it occurs. Which should be terrifyingly powerful but fortunately he just wants to see the world. As each of his women finish with the jobs that they have for themselves and join him, it'll be the four of them seeing the world. There are duties that the others… Elayne takes the longest in my mind before she joins up.

MH: Is it in your mind that Rand has a chance to raise children?

BS: Oh, yeah. I imagine that, and this is not canon, I imagine that what happens is the three books with Mat and Perrin happen and that involves Lanfear in some way and Seanchan and mostly it's about all the problems in the Seanchan Empire and things like that and conflicts between the two continents.

MH: It's an interesting idea that I hadn't actually gone there with Lanfear that she might go back and maybe decide to situate herself with the Seanchan.

BS: I imagine she's involved and I imagine that Rand makes a cameo. But it’s Rand in a shack somewhere that you don't expect and hanging out with his kids. And that's all you get from Rand is maybe some wise words. Maybe it's just intel, maybe it's just World of Dreams you get to have a chat with Rand. Rand takes on kind of almost mythological sort of. You'll get some advice from Rand at some point. But that's what I imagine would happen in those three books if they ever had gotten written.

MH: You've mentioned the Padan Fain aspect of if you could go… would have put a little bit more...

BS: Padan Fain was a tough nut to crack.

MH: Have you thought since then, “Oh, this is maybe where I should have taken it or could have taken it.” Has anything come up with that?

BS: I feel like the way I took it worked. That confrontation between him and Mat is the way to go as the kind of physical manifestation of the darkness that Mat gave up. I think that's a good thematic sort of thing but there maybe needs to be more interaction between Padan Fain and Mat. A little bit more Padan Fain and a little less Shadar Logoth in that interaction. So there's the personal side to Padan Fain...

It's more a matter of fleshing out what's there. I still think that what's there and this is good because I feel like I can say look, add it in your head, flesh it out. The ending, I think is the right ending, but needs a little bit more. That's the thing, this book became three. It could have been four. It could have been five. This is the problem Robert Jordan ran into when telling this.

MH: I don't know if you know my theory about that the evil that has infected him has actually infected the ground. The way that you wrote it is suggestive that while the Blight might be gone that this evil has now infected a new place and it remains in some form or fashion to be stirred up again in the future. That's my take on it.

(…)

MH: You didn't have a spot to really bring in that reunion Rand, Mat and Perrin.

BS: I might have looked harder where is though… The problem is Perrin. Perrin’s been off from them so much like where do we make it happen? I could have maybe made it happen in a dream. I maybe could have squeezed it in somewhere. I don't know.

MH: Do you have a place, if just take away the facts of the plot itself, where would you have put…?

BS: The same scene where Mat catches a badger. That's the right scene to have Perrin be there with them. It's either that or honestly if there's no structure I think the ending is better as it is, but there is a hypothetical ending where the three of them meet up again in the epilogue. Because it's been so long since they broke apart and then… It takes away the Rand thing and Robert Jordan had written those scenes and so interjecting something. But you could maybe have had some sort of and maybe he would have found a way to do this. You know the ending of the third Nolan Batman film which just like at a cafe in Paris and they look across and they nod right like you could maybe have worked in something like that where…

MH: Do you think they're still connected in as they were or …?

BS: I don't think. I think the ta’veren nature is done. This is not canon. I think it is gone. I think Rand would not be able to have the ending Robert Jordan wants for him if that was still there. Maybe Perrin and Mat. I think it would be cool if you know the sequel series would happen if it's told from their viewpoints but there's somebody else that's ta’veren that they need to deal with now. Because it's not them anymore. Someone else is pulling them into. Maybe Tuon is ta’veren and you just gotta deal with the fact that that's happening. It would be more interesting for Mat and Perrin to have to deal with a ta’veren at this point.

MH: Do you like the idea that what Aviendha sees is the deep deep past into previous turnings or Mirror World kind of turning …?

BS: For me it's a potential future. But it's The Wheel of Time. I don't think that future happens and so whether I think that the warning makes sure that it doesn't, if that makes sense. So I'm totally fine with that being the deep deep past in people's philosophies. A Mirror World. Like the point is the warning to let's make sure this doesn't happen and it doesn't because the warning did happen so that future doesn't exist but the way The Wheel of Time mechanics work that future existed somewhere at some point.

MH: A fan said they [Rand, Mat and Perrin] see each other at IHOP.

BS: They see each other at IHOP. It's too late. The cafe in Paris isn't open. They nodded each other. Mat's got a badger under his chair that he kicks and they go their separate ways.

MH: As a fan what remaining unanswered Wheel of Time mystery do you wish had an answer?

BS: I don't mind the big ones we've talked about not having answers. I would like to know specifically why in the sequel series Perrin felt like he had to go kill Mat - I assume it's Mat - go kill a friend. It doesn't say Mat but it's a very sort of Perrin thing. He's like, “Man, I gotta go. I've got to go kill a friend”. I'd like to know why and who that is. Like I assume it's Mat. I assume that it has to do with the fact that you know the husband of the emperor of the Seanchan is a big deal. You can't kill the empress so you've been assigned to because they're making, like they're gonna come back and take out Randland and that's bad and there's some sort of indication to Perrin that Mat is kind of behind it or that his luck or whatever is making it so that they can't… There's some conflict there. But maybe he never intended. Maybe he's faking us out. Because the two lines that we have from that sequel series are Perrin sailing to Seanchan thinking about how he's got to go kill a friend and Mat in a gutter somewhere moaning that he's gambled it all away. And that's our future for Perrin and Mat. It would be nice to have had answers on that.

But let's point out – no, I'm not going to write them. I will do this non-physicially. I could joke about it. But no, I am not going to write those books. Just in case people are wondering, I don't think that is enough to go on to create something that I would feel is accurate to Robert Jordan's vision for me. I'm not in charge of this and so if Harriet or her family decides that this is something they want to have written - great. I think that for me that would just be a step too far. And I don't even know that those books are a step too far, just for me it's a step too far. If I were ever going to write something more in The Wheel of Time, it would have been the prequel book about Tam. But even that at the end of the day I'm like no, I don't think… I know how personally Robert Jordan viewed Tam and I just didn't want to touch that. I was given the Ring and I gave it back and so, no. That's not saying it will never happen. I don't get to choose that.

MH: But I hear you have some things you're writing on your own so…

BS: I am writing things on my own. I do miss The Wheel of Time characters. But I like the ending. I think it's a good ending. I like that it has an ending.

MH: I read it again before this and I still get chills reading those final chapters. It just doesn't matter when you pick it up 10 years later. How was the day you finished writing A Memory of Light? I pulled this stance on August 1st 2012. Brandon Sanderson's blog wrote “TODAY I GOT UP, AND I DID NOT HAVE A WHEEL OF TIME BOOK TO WORK ON”. And it said:

“Robert Jordan was a great man, and was the single greatest influence on my development as a writer. What I have done these last five years has been an attempt—a sometimes flawed but always earnest attempt—to show my appreciation. This entire genre owes him an enormous debt. My debt to him, and to Harriet, is greatest of all. Mr. Jordan, may you rest in the Light. Everyone else, take a breath and get ready for the end. May you find his final words as satisfying to read as I did when I first picked them up five years ago. The very last scene is his, touched very little by me, as are significant chunks of the ending at large. I have achieved my goal in writing the books so that they pointed toward this ending he wrote, allowing us to include his words with as little alteration as possible. Once again, thank you. May you always find water and shade.”

BS: There we are. That's my answer.

MH: That is a good answer. Looking back at that what memories of Light do you have about that entire process? What are your most fond memories?

BS: I mean my most fond memory is arriving for the first time at Harriet's house sitting down, at what I didn't know was Robert Jordan's chair, in reading the ending. That's a very fond memory. Every time I visited Charleston. I'm very fond of those. Those stand out as highlights being realizing and achieving realizing that I had a lot of room to do what I felt needed to be done and realizing that Harriet wanted me to do it. That's the most remarkable thing about this is that the advantage that we all got by having Harriet in charge of this.

She is one of the best editors in the business and knows the books inside and out. It very easily could have turned into several disasters if it hadn't been Harriet in charge. One of what which being playing it so safe that the ending is bland. One of it is hiring a ghostwriter who doesn't know the lore really well, who is able to execute on the outline given but gives you something that just feels like an outline in book form. A disaster of too many cooks trying to get in that kitchen. You see this in Hollywood with different adaptations they do all the time. I feel like I saw that in The Rings of Power. Everybody's vision for what they want this to be, comes in and that could have happened with this and it didn't. Harriet said, “You're a writer, Brandon. Do your best and then I'm an editor, I will do my best and together we will make a book or three that really work.” And that was remarkable.

MH: When you tell us the story about that she says “take risks”, that piece of it, because again I know a lot of there were fans at the time that were like, “Oh, I can tell Brandon came up with this.” And then you sometimes you'd be like, “Actually that was Robert Jordan. I did come up with this other thing but that one thing was Robert Jordan that came up with that.”

BS: My favorite one is they're like, “Oh, I can tell Brandon's naming the chapters now.” Do you remember that? Harriet named all the chapters and all the previous ones and she named all the chapters in mine…

MH: But Brandon was doing it.

BS: Yes. Well, maybe not all the chapters. She named the vast majority of the chapters. I think there were some names came up but they do change a little bit when I take over. But the realizing that I got to craft works of art not products, was a really big moment for me. I will always cherish that experience because I have so far never in my life have had to create a product and that probably, I mean that's a big part of why (...) came in and said, “Do you want to write a story?” I said, “Yes, but it has to be my story”. I get to decide and I have to do it for free because I don't want to be creating a product. I want to be creating a story. I love that. I loved being able to do things like Veins of gold, do some of this stuff particularly with Rand and Perrin that I had been wanting to see in the books and that I get to take over and be like, “Wow! I get to do this.” I mean stuff with Androl where I'm like, “Oh, I get to play with Gateways. All right, here's my character to just play with Gateways however I want to.” These are all really cherished experiences.

The way the fandom treated me. My first time at DragonCon in the giant hall full of people where Jen's [Jennifer Liang] like, “All right, here's our guy. He's gonna write our book for us.” And being kind of presented to the community for the first time. All those experiences were wonderful.

MH: There was a certain transparency to the process too and maybe that came from. Wonder if that was also reflective of the fact that you were creating something product and so the piece of art that you were creating, you cared about it differently and the way you interfaced with the fandom, I think was unique. I think we were all surprised how much you… I mean there's Twitter threads where you're like talking back and forth of fans about rationale of why you see something one way as you were preparing for the book. I think that was unexpected. I think that in the end there is a sincerity that fans believed that you had and so went along with this idea that you were creating something other than a product. So I think that those things matched. I think for fans in a way that… Generally I was there with all the fans. There was obviously fans that didn't like what you produced.

BS: That is totally fine still. There's still going to be people who pick it up and like, “Wow! This does not work for me as my ending.”

MH: But generally speaking when I see fans talk about it, they love the books now and no one really… You just don't see a lot of people like other than they'll bring up Mat or something but generally speaking they're like, “Oh, I love these books.” So yeah, I think you succeeded that way. So congratulations in doing that. […] What's the funniest bit from RJ's notes any book, assuming you had to access all notes, that didn't make the books?

BS: Oh boy! The ones I bring up all the time. I'm sure there are other ones. It's been 12 years. Longer. It's been since 2007 so it's been a while but I always go back to talking to them being like, “Do I really have to spank one of the Forsaken?” And they're like, “Well, it's in here.” I'm like, “Ugh, okay.” I've talked about some of the stuff. The Choedan Kal is another. When I first read that I'm like, “Did I miss something?” I went back to the books. I'm like, “What did I miss?” And they're like, “Oh, no, this is from an earlier thing. It was before he decided to”. I'm like, “Oh, okay”. Alan had his note there so I didn't panic too much about it. […]

MH: Is there something you wish you could go back in retcon out of the three books?

BS: I mean I've said before - Padan Fain. I don't think I would retcon Mat. I think Mat is an artifact of me taking up the books. My argument is Mat is discombobulated from events happening at the end of book 11 and it takes him a while to find him the self. And when he finds himself, he just can't ever quite be the same again. I would take out the spanking. I would honestly do that. I've said it before. You'll find it in the things. I would find a different way. Doesn't match the way that I approach storytelling.

MH: What would you have done differently looking back on Wheel of Time using your current knowledge and experience? Narrative wise preparation process of writing. Is there something that would have been different?

BS: I mean if I'd known it had to be three books - like I mostly knew, it was like 90 sure - that would have helped me solve some things. Particularly timeline issues. I would have put the full weight of my team on it. Having my team who's very good at understanding how I do continuity and timelines. The one of the the biggest kind of structural problems is timeline issues across all the timelines for this because it was written as one book and things like that. It's too late for this. I'm not connected enough just with the material but I still kind of wish that there were a single volume A Memory of Light that could balance because… Veins of gold and Perrin’s climax stuff could happen at the same time like not just chronologically but narratively. I think that would be really powerful. Maybe those are things I do different. I don't know. This is sort of stuff where you're like, “I think it turned out all right”. I don't know that I want to fiddle with it.

I got another one. I would start putting Bao in The Gathering Storm. Because if I can get a few scenes of him in then I can maybe pull off this whole thing with the East and stuff like that. That said, one of the reasons we cut it is - it does feel like a super huge surprise when he just comes out of nowhere. And we get to feel like the characters felt where it's just like, “Oh! Oh, dear! He's here with an enormous army! What do we do?” And there is something to be said for that. [Start building] it might have made them worse rather than better because everyone's like where's Demandred. Well, let me tell you, here it is. It actually works really well so maybe rather than that one - the cleansing of the Ways like if I could get that in as canon. If I were the writer I am now, I think you can read the cleansing of the Ways scenes and they read just much better. I went back and revised those a few years ago before we released them. I went back and I'm like, “Wow! I did not have the skill. I did not understand the Ways.” I was able to revise them in a way that I feel read really well and worked really well and maybe the cleansing of the Ways would have made it into the book.

(…)

MH: Is there anything in A Memory of Light from Robert Jordan's notes that Brandon would have written differently without them? In other words were there things where you're like, “I'm gonna go this way.” And then you were like “Oh, he really wanted it to go x-way?”

BS: Oh, yeah. That's an excellent question. It's a really good question because I'm sure there would have been but at the same time the notes are so… I mean they're just so part of the beginning and beyond that they have a really light hand through most of it. You guys have read this document. You can see that there's not a lot of really strict things to it.

MH: Yeah, he does a lot of, it's not like the entire books are all in the notes. There's things that are never there, that are some of the best parts of the books that he ends up writing.

BS: What are the things that… I would have approached, I bet, a bunch of things differently and I'm glad I had the notes so that I didn't approach them that way. And you can see the places where I felt like something needed to be changed. For instance, I've said before like the siege of the White Tower. I split up a bunch of those scenes and I tweaked so that it became what I felt was a really dynamic arc for that and so Egwene’s punishments there and things like that. I had the power to do whatever I felt was necessary for the ending and there are no parts where I'm like, “Oh, I wish I had done this.” I did everything that I felt was appropriate and Robert Jordan's directions were like just completely integral to how I was viewing that.

MH: That makes sense. I mean I can imagine if you did not have them right at the beginning of the process and you were tasked to start kind of coming up with something you probably would have had more…

BS: But I had the notes in hand when I did my big reread. I was already aware of where I was going…

MH: That's what you said. One of the first things you did when you asked, you said you wanted to read the ending. So you already kind of were pre-biased in your mind of like this is how he wants to…

BS: This is how we're ending. This is where we're going and that's how I approach the whole process.

(…)

MH: You've said you used to insert Hoid into fantasy books you were reading. Is there a character that was your Hoid insert into The Wheel of Time?

BS: Oh, yeah, there was. But I can't remember. It's been so long. Absolutely there was in the first three books before I became my own writer. I can barely remember it like I can remember the character in… The only one I can remember is in Dragon Riders. We're going like way… I was 15, guys. Come on. I am not gonna remember. I'm sorry.

MH: What Ajah would Hoid be?

BS: Hoid would probably have a disguise and persona in each of them.

(…)

MH: Is there someone who died that you wished lived?

BS: Bela. I tried to save Bela and she [Harriet] killed Bela and then she said that Bela is alive. I don't know what to make of it.

MH: Outside of Bela, is there somebody else that where you're like, “This is what's right for the story.” or Robert Jordan said, “This has to happen but I would have preferred them as a fan that they did not die?”

BS: We talked about earlier. Team Jordan and I added casualties to the count. We didn't take any away. This is the Last Battle.

MH: Is there someone that you are the opposite of that? Someone who lived that you actually believed should have died.

BS: Hmm… who should have died and lived. I had the power over this.

MH: You felt maybe that it was the right story arc but you really wished they would have died anyway.

BS: I mean I know what you're hunting for. I know exactly what you want me to say. And I'm not gonna say it. Because the life that she's been given is worse than death for her.

MH: What was the whole Wheel of Time experience for your wife Emily?

BS: She seemed a little overwhelmed by it at times. She did get to draw a map that ended up in The Wheel of Time after going through the cartographer the official… They're like, “We need the drawing from you guys of.” It might have been Field of Merrilor. It was one of the maps. I can't remember which map. It is where they're like, “We need someone working on it to give us a sketch that we will then turn into a finished map”. And my wife's like, “I can do that.” She's been reading the notes so she drew it up and sent it in. So you really would have to ask her it was probably fun for her because she really liked Harriet and Team Jordan and we got to fly out and see them a bunch. I think she found and finds Wheel of Time fandom a little overwhelming.

MH: Elayne seems set up to make significant land claims. She wants marriage alliance with Aybara and Bashere. The babes have claimed Illian via Rand. Do you imagine Elayne attempting to consolidate that power?

BS: Yes.

MH: Do Mat and Tuon in your mind eventually have children?

BS: Yes. I believe that in my mind they do. Mat deserves that.

MH: It's been 10 years. You wrote three of these. Do you have a favorite Wheel of Time book at this point?

BS: Yeah, still book four. It's still book four. I reread a bunch of The Wheel of Time for working on the Ways sequence. I have to say there are just some beautiful passages in book one, just gorgeous writing. But book four still my favorite. Very fond of book two. Really like book two. Really like four, five and six. Obviously they are, I think, the high points of the narrative. Really like book 11. So that's kind of my hierarchy of where the books that I enjoy. Book three is totally serviceable. I don't have problems with book three but it's not as much a favorite. It kind of falls into the middle section. Really like New Spring. Lan is one of my favorites and I like seeing him in New Spring.

MH: I mean it's interesting because all of two, three, four, five, six - when I read them, they kind of become my favorite in that moment. Because they're such good moments in each of them. I was surprised I went back and read five in the last couple years and I'm surprised how how much I've kind of in my head skipped over it…

BS: It gets lost. (…) And it's sandwiched between Rhuidean and “Kneel or be knelt!”

MH: It's easy to forget. But there's such great moments in that book. I love Jordan's decision to not - I hate it but I love it - to not show us Mat [fighting] Couladin. I love what a great decision. What a terrible decision.

BS: The aftermath in that sequence is one of the standout scenes of the whole Wheel of Time. What that all does to Mat and things like that. It's fantastic writing.

MH: Mat in that book and maybe that's what… There's just some great Mat scenes that I will always love.

(…)

MH: If you could create a sa’angreal to make your life easier what would it be? Sa’angreal that potentially help you but you have to channel.

BS: If there are a ter’angreal [change of the question] that is basically like a Time Turner but has no ill side effects so I can just get more done in the day.

MH: Oh my gosh! You want to write more books?!

BS: I'm so behind.

MH: I'm just saying everyone out there is like, “Wait a second!” What would their lives be like if you have like eight books a year or something? Like no one could…

BS: No, most years I have one or two. This year we have extras because of the year of Sanderson. But I am so behind on all the stories I want to tell. It would be super nice.

MH: All of your fans were like, “Shut up, Matt! Let him write! Let him get ter’angreal!”

BS: Somebody get me a Time Turner. That's the best thing that I could think of for time travel abilities is to write extra books. Maybe there's a little bit more Hermione in me than I've acknowledged in the past.

MH: What's the sequence that Sanderson felt the most excited to write? Did anything give Brandon chills while writing it?

BS: It is the forging of the hammer probably. It's either that or Veins of gold are my two that like as I built the outline, because these are both scenes that I got to write and I got to device and put together. I was super excited for some other scenes but I was excited for fans to read what Robert Jordan had written for some of those things. But I had a lot of leeway with Rand and Perrin. I feel like I really wanted to make good on the promises with those. I really like that I was able to do like they call him Darth Rand. Zen Rand, [and] Darth Rand. And then just kind of coming back to normal Rand, grown and experienced. I liked taking Rand away from you for a little while and having him be the Zen thing and then coming back and being like, “All right, it feels it was such a wonderful experience.” Because it feels like what happened to book three where we kind of lost Rand for a while but a different kind of losing Rand. Those sorts of things where I can echo something previously in the series and really kind of do it well. Those were some of my favorite things to do.

MH: Perrin, Slayer, Tel'aran'rhiod, the nightmare scenes. Like all those scenes to me were just some… They finally delivered on a promise I think that was in the books. We were always wondering when this was going to happen and how much of that Perrin, Slayer was used…

BS: I've said before. My direction for Perrin was very light. I had not very much. I mean what's in the outline you read. […] There's like two things.

MH: There's like a Mat and Perrin reunite mention. There's a mention of Olver and Perrin’s Asha’man and Rand has Perrin with the Two Rivers bowman and then there's not much more in the way like I said…

BS: There’s nothing really for Perrin's arc in it. It was just I've often said Perrin’s blank slate. Like there's some places he needs to be but there's no “this is who Perrin is in these last books.”, which we knew we needed after even book 11, particularly after book 10, but book 11 is like who is Perrin. Perrin is my favorite character, was my favorite character before I started writing. They're all my favorite now. But being able to be like, “All right, read it”. And be like, “All right, we got some work to do with my buddy Perrin. Let's do this.”

MH: After the journeys of Perrin looking for Faile, I think it was almost a revelation of Perrin and like you said, that culmination of the hammer itself… I think Perrin does shine in a way that a lot of us hoped and that he would so…

BS: I imagine a structure for The Wheel of Time that is just my personal structure which is, I've talked about this before, books one, two and three are kind of quest fantasies hearkening of the old school quest fantasies of the 70s and 80s. The very Tolkien inspired quest fantasies. Obviously by three he's starting to stray from that. But four, five and six are the new world of fantasy. He and George R.R. Martin are doing political intrigue War of the Roses large-scale things. That is what fantasy became when it kind of came into its own in the 90s. Seven through ten are Robert Jordan realizing, “I'm not ready for the end of this yet. There's a whole world to explore. I'm gonna go explore the world. Let's explore all the things I can do in this world.” And though, of course, there are important moments for Rand, Perrin, Mat, Egwene in that, they take a backseat, I think, to exploring the world. That's how I envision that.

MH: That definitely paints them in a light that's different than fans that waited on those books…

BS: And then 11, 12, 13 and 14 are, “All right, we've spent the time building the world out. Now we need to refocus on things that re-bring us back reintroduced Rand, Perrin, Mat, Egwene in their new status - who they are and build a trilogy, four books really, that deliver on kind of the first books”. That's my envision of the breakdown of what the eras of The Wheel of Time so to speak.

MH: Do you have a favorite brand of trolloc and why is it the bird trolloc?

BS: I was gonna go bird trolloc. I like birds. I have to say everyone should be very proud of my reserve. There were so many calls for Narg cameos and things like that. I would always have to say to fans there is a difference between a kind of thematic reference that is part of the series and an in-joke. You have to be really careful about the in-jokes. You can put them in occasionally but you want to be really careful with the in-jokes. That's different from hearkening back to how Rand in book three had gone through a huge transition so we pull back from his viewpoint and then I do that as well in book 13. Having Narg show up would have just been too much. I got lots of calls for Narg cameos. So many calls for Narg cameos.

MH: That's hilarious. Will Rand at some point realize that Lanfear is alive? Did you imagine that there would ever be an awareness?

BS: I think, yes. I think it would happen but Rand would not intervene. […] I think there's got to be a moment - not that it'll be written - but there's got to be a moment where Lanfear realizes. Because she hasn't let go of Rand. She pretends she has. The whole thing about the last books is she potentially it's just let go. Where she sees how happy he is and it all comes crashing down around her.

MH: Do you think that she does…? He's obviously in Moridin's body. So in my head I'm thinking like would she ever see this individually…?

BS: I think she's got to for her character arc realize what's happened and if she's ever going to be fully defeated, there has to be that realization of “Me not being part of his life is the best thing that could have happened to him. How do I feel about that?” I don't know. I haven't been on that journey with her but there's got to be that moment.

MH: There's still the Fourth Age everyone. The Fourth Age continues the Saga of Mierin Eronaile and Lews Therin Telamon.

(…)

MH: I don't know if we'll ever do a 20 years… Is there another secret Brandon?

BS: Kelsier says there's always another secret but I don't know them. Robert Jordan does.

MH: There you go everybody. There will likely not be. I don't want to say it feels weird with a little time it's like there's never an end to secrets or beginning.

BS: Maybe someday we can talk about experiences with the show. We can't really talk about them right now.

MH: You heard it. We'll come back and do a live stream about the show someday and we can talk about it.

#wheel of time #brandon sanderson #spoiler #a memory of light #notes #tidbits

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fuckyeahvanhalen86-95 · 2 years

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Wolfgang Van Halen busted out a pair of Van Halen tunes in a high-energy tribute to Taylor Hawkins at the late Foo Fighters drummer’s memorial concert in London.

The emotional moment came during a set performed by members of Hawkins’ side-project bands, Chevy Metal and the Coattail Riders.

“It should come as no surprise that Taylor was a huge Van Halen fan,” Dave Grohl told the Wembley Stadium audience as the running total of contributions via the YouTube livestream topped $15,000. “Remember those tights? We are lucky enough tonight to have with us a real Van Halen. Would you please welcome Mr. Wolfgang Van Halen to the stage right now?”

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With The Darkness frontman Justin Hawkins on lead vocals, Josh Freese on drums, and Grohl on bass – and a picture of the late Hawkins with Eddie and Wolfgang Van Halen being screened around the stadium – the younger Van Halen opened with his dad's band's track “On Fire,” hinting at what was to come.

After that, as the unmistakable drum intro to “Hot for Teacher” began, Van Halen appeared to take a moment before bursting into his own take on his father's trademark shredding. At one key moment, Hawkins held his mic under Van Halen's hands, shaking his head as if he wondered how he’d gotten there, while Grohl glared with menacing excitement. Despite the demands of the moment, Van Halen even managed to deliver some vocal harmonies.

The younger Van Halen has staunchly refused to mimic his late dad’s guitar theatrics. Last year, in response to a fan telling him the time was right to do so, he replied: “I honor my dad by existing and doing what I do every day. I’m not fuckin’ playing ‘Panama’ for you guys.” His change of heart was clearly an emotional tribute to a lost friend, but it also proved a point that many were hoping to have proved: that Wolfgang is more than capable of playing his pop's music when the occasion calls for it.

The Van Halen cover set followed a series of covers of Hawkins-penned songs, including “It’s Over” and “Louise,” featuring members of his other bands and Justin Hawkins on lead vocals. Before that, pop star Kesha had delivered a breathtaking, animalistic cover of T. Rex’s “Children of the Revolution."

“Taylor would have loved seeing all you guys coming out,” Chevy Metal bassist Wiley Hodgden told the crowd. “He’d be laughing his ass off – his brothers just played Wembley!”

Van Halen has long been vocal about his love of the Foo Fighters' music and noted that it played a big role in how he approached his own first steps with the project that became Mammoth WVH. "I’ve always admired Dave Grohl and how he did the first Foo Fighters album," he told UCR during a 2021 conversation. "That was definitely a big inspiration."

He was quick to pay tribute as the news of Hawkins' death circulated, taking the stage in Boston the following day, offering up an emotional version of the Foos' "My Hero," which he said the band had prepared earlier in the afternoon prior to that night's gig. "He was a hero to me, and a hero to all of us, and a hero to countless people, so we feel this is necessary," he told fans.

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The song stayed in the band's set list for the run of shows that followed, and during an April 2022 interview with Q104.3, Van Halen shared that while his personal encounters with Hawkins weren't frequent, they were extremely meaningful.

Hawkins had come backstage at a Van Halen date in San Diego on the band's A Different Kind of Truth tour in 2012, where he regaled both Wolfgang and his father with a stream of stories. The younger Van Halen, who had seen the drummer and Foo Fighters live numerous times, was thrilled.

"He told me that him and Dave Grohl had listened to the A Different Kind of Truth album, and he told me specifically they were geeking out on the song 'China Town' where I tap the intro with Pop," Van Halen recalled. "And they were, like, 'That's so awesome.' And that blew my mind as a 21-year-old person — God, I'm 31 now — that Dave Grohl and Taylor Hawkins had sat and geeked out to me playing bass. That blew my mind."

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Sharing a photo of the moment on Instagram, Van Halen noted how important and inspirational Hawkins had been to him. "He was such a ridiculously kind man. The dude just emanated cool," Van Halen wrote. "Him, my pops and I talked for as long as we could until we had to leave. An incredible drummer and singer, he was a constant inspiration to me throughout my entire life. This is like a kick in the gut."

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Hawkins will receive a second round of accolades at an additional tribute concert scheduled for Sept. 27 in Los Angeles.

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theloniousbach · 7 months

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BILL CHARLAP with Peter Washington and Kenny Washington, JAZZ ST LOUIS, 16 (partial livestream)-17 NOVEMBER 2023, both sets!!!

For just the second time, I stayed over for the second set. Besides just getting to see one of my elite pianists with his amazing working trio, the main reward was a mellower set perhaps directed at a possibly more knowledgeable audience. The other rewards, significant to be sure, was to talk to Peter Washington about seeing him on streams before the first set and shaking his hand (his initiative, but gratefully accepted), thanking him and Kenny Washington as they came off the stage and we came down from the balcony after the second set, thanking BILL CHARLAP for the 92NY Jazz in July series between sets and then shaking his hand too afterwards.

But the music comes first—and I don’t mean to diss the 7:30 sets one bit. But Charlap played bigger with, dare I say, more bombast. Glissandi, big stabbing chords, rumbles, and general flash. On the Thursday stream, he was the full Count Basie Orchestra for April in Paris, down to the “one more once” endings. That gig also had a very brisk, bright orange pekoe of a Tea for Two. I came in that night at the end of Love You Madly and my first full tune was Segment by Charlie Parker, “the genius of modern music.” They did it again toward the end of the Friday first set, both were showcases for Peter Washington who was indefatigable throughout the run. So fluid and inventive, always right there. Because I talked to him before, I paid special attention to him during the first set Friday. Kenny Washington of course had his moments then too, but moving over to his side for the second set made him easy to notice. He cleverly move things around with the merest touches. Take him for granted at your peril, but there is some Freddie Green-like unflappability.

Charlap is a bit of the rumpled professor and he does like to tell stories about the tunes. There was a Vernon Duke run of three tunes on Thursday that started with April in Paris, so we found out that Vladimir Dukelsky composed in the European tradition but George Gershwin both urged him to write popular songs and told him he would be Vernon Duke. The last tune in the run was Roundabout which he told us was not to be confused by the tune written by Jon Anderson, Steve Howe, Chris Squire, Rick Wakeman, and Bill Bruford (he name checked each of them) which he also really liked.

The Detour Ahead story in the first set evoked Kurt Vonnegut; the plot of Happy Ending was evoked to explain What Are You Doing The Rest of Your Life? Both tunes were luscious and Michel LeGrand is best taken in small doses in my opinion. But Charlap likes him and perhaps he knew lyricists Alan and Marilyn Bergman through his parent. He certainly can draw on the rich harmonies and temper the sentimentality. Both were highlights. Godchild from Birth of the Cool opened things Friday night and I hope I can be excused for thinking it was Ellington. The Man I Love, Yesterdays, After You’ve Gone, and Poor Butterfly were in there. These are Charlap’s toys and he pulls them out lovingly. He is a museum curator but he knows they don’t need to be treated gently. So he didn’t. There was an abstraction and power one doesn’t first think of from the premier keeper of the Great American Songbook. There were lots of stunningly beautiful tunes played with grace and taste, but also power and grit.

That second Friday set though was the one closer to previous expectations. Thanks to the streams, I’ve seen Charlap push things so I knew to expect both. But the second set was the one where the tunes were just stately, easy, and majestic. An Affair to Remember, Dream Dancing, Smoke Gets in Your Eyes, both You’re All The World To Me and Too Late Now from Fred Astaire’s movie Royal Wedding, and The Way You Look tonight gave us Harry Warren, Cole Porter, Lerner and Lane, and Jerome Kern twice. Again, the bright boy showing all these wonderful toys.

If I missed most of Love You Madly on Thursday night, I got a double dose of Ellington to close things out. A very slinky I’m Beginning to See the Light and a robust Caravan sent us into the night, but, again, not before being able to give personal thanks to all three of these heroes.

These essays are always souvenirs. But this is a memory I will take off the shelf often.

#concert review #jazz #2023 #jazz st louis #livestream

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dzpenumbra · 2 years

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11/18/22

Ugh, searching for some good vibes tonight, but watching Twitch left a bad taste in my mouth. I might as well get that out. But first... I really just need to stop watching Twitch. I just... I fucking hate YouTube ads. And I really really don't want to spend like 25 bucks a month on YouTube Premium. It's just a bit excessive. I really like long-form media - something I know I'm going to stick with for a few hours while I'm doing a project or something. Livestreams can scratch that itch. But the vibes today were just... really upsetting, honestly.

I had been watching an RPer who plays a hippie chick, and most of it is exaggerated and parody, but a lot of it is relatable. I don't know, I guess my empathy is just cranked wide open lately. By that I mean... when difficult topics come up, I just immediately go into "what if" mode, or flash back to when I went through stuff like it. And that's really emotionally difficult on a regular basis, to be honest. It's not enjoyable. I really need to work on it. I think my anxiety problems are very internal and not like "oh I'm nervous to stream because some asshole might show up and be rude".

I guess I feel compelled to do this work urgently because of how often it affects me, how profoundly it affects me, and how difficult it is to manage and recover from it. It's very counterintuitive for me to see such a big issue causing ripples and inhibitions in my life and just... not put all my resources towards fixing it. Instead, to like... write music, or make jewelry, or draw shit. It feels like I'm literally not working on my problems, the things that hold me back. But, and I really do need to be reminded of this regularly, I have plenty of time to do that work. And I can't do that work when I'm overstressed, or else I burn out. So... the self-care, the therapeutic work, that needs to happen first.

I've written about this recently, it's just a hard one to hold on to. Baby steps, I guess.

So... I should really find some good documentaries or something. I used to watch these long documentaries on ancient civilizations, and ancient mythology, and videos of archeological digs and shit. I should get back into that. The skate vids are great, but I end up just watching the whole time. They're not great background noise. And I kinda want something a bit more intellect-occupying than music. I feel bad saying that but it's kinda true. I want a full-on story. A narrative. I want to learn and go on an adventure while I'm working. It's a substitute for social interaction. Music had been a thing I saved for social art gatherings, sharing that during group art stuff. But... it's been quite some time since anyone wanted to do that...

I really don't want to go depress-o mode before bed, so... I'm just gonna try to stick to the highlights of the day. It snowed early in the day, it was cool to watch that! And then I sanded down a few mineral pieces, adding bevels to them. Oh shit, and I finished two more wood beads too! So, that was good!

I did some more Tarot study. The Wheel of Fortune and The Hanged One came up today. Both pretty big cards, more so the Wheel honestly. But yeah. That was a bit intense, but cool to get to know the cards, and good to get even more familiar with how to read them. It's a really weird thing to learn, honestly. It's like learning dream interpretation. Like... these are kinda universal symbols that show up in myths all over the world, all throughout history. Stuff that just shows up in our stories. Archetypes, I guess. I never really studied enough academia to be able to get all the lingo and all this, I prefer exploring and playing. Sorry. Academia can often be so fucking bland and boring, just in like... the energy of how information is conveyed. Very monotone and precise and emotionless. So... interpreting these symbols based on the life experiences of people who you don't know has got to be like... I don't know, like how do you relate these things to people? Like I get that The Hanged One is about a moment in life where you kinda need to submit yourself to a change in perspective in order to make profound growth, and make great sacrifices to do so. But the benefit is well worth the sacrifice. And I can relate a moment where I had to make that kind of choice. But I'm not really confident in whether I could help someone really find that moment in themselves? I don't know, maybe I'm just doing that whole anxiety thing. How would I even know, I've literally never read anyone else's Tarot. Like... ever. What the fuck, wow, that's a fun realization. XD

Okay... so I had two friends reconnect with me over the summer. I'm kinda using the term loosely now because they're both off working on themselves, and not on the best terms. Both of them were very into Tarot. Both of them helped introduced me to Tarot. I showed them my deck and all. But they never wanted me to read for them. And one of them read for me. So...

See, I think I kinda got a little too used to that. I kinda got a little too used to people just expecting me to do free tattoo designs for them, and give them free gallery-level, professional-grade art that I found sitting on the floor in a closet space when I visited. I got a little too used to the whole "well you should have just asked me to pay you, this is really on you". Maybe I didn't know better treatment was an option? Ugh.

No, I don't want to go down this path tonight. I have therapy tomorrow, I can explore that there or some shit. I'm just... aware that my deprivation from appreciation and support and... I guess participation (?) in my life has resulted in a sort of programming in my head. Pavlovian training, is a pretty good term I use a lot. So after years and years and years of putting a painting in front of my community and having them go "wow, that's cool, you're talented"... and that's it. That's the crescendo. I guess I just don't really believe that I'm ever going to actually sell art. Or jewelry. Or music. Or custom artified clothing. Like... I believe in it. I believe it's possible. I have faith. But I don't have reference material in my head to compare it to for the concept to really concretize.

This is the method I'm using to learn the Tarot. Using personal experiences, memories, Past, as a reference point to associate with cards - concepts. And I guess a lot of the issues I have with my anxieties is that I have a mountain of memories of that shit going wrong, or at most just being like "oh, that's cool... next... Like. Scroll." And because that's pretty much the totality of my feedback from my work, it's really hard to conjure up a mental image of someone coming up and being like "Do you have more?" "Can I commission a piece from you?" "How much does that one cost?" "Is that for sale? I have to have it!" Like... I really struggle to actually picture in my head someone saying that to me. And I'm trying to not beat myself up over that, it's just the thing I struggle with, and it's really not my fault. I just had bad teachers.

With the lack of support, interest and enthusiasm I have gotten around my work. All of my work, all genres, all mediums. I am legitimately shocked I haven't given up yet. It would be so. fucking. goddamn. easy. to. give. up. I mean, I would be soulless and start getting physically ill all the time... not even exaggerating, that's what happened last time I quit art. But I have many opportunities and tons of available encouragement every day to stop pursuing art as a primary career. I've even been in meetings with people whose roles were to advise the shaping of my immediate future who were trying to coerce me into getting into other related lines of work. Not kidding. I remember one woman, bless her heart she meant so well, saying "well my daughter really wanted to be an artistic photographer, but you know... she had to be a wedding photographer." Kinda like "Look, I know you want to be an entertainer, but like... sell GFuel (totally not a drug /s) to your teenage audience. Sell plastic-wrapped meal substitution bars. Push this shitty mobile game." Like... why the fuck would we discourage people who have spent years and years cultivating a unique creative vision of something very catered to their individual skills? I mean, how the fuck can you discourage someone from following their passions, and call yourself a support system?!

See? See how quick I just go right back to stress mode. Okay... I think I've made my point, so I'm gonna just vent one last thing real quick. I'm just grumpy because I made a point to get to bed early tonight. I was prepped to start journaling at 2. That's a big jump from 5. And I stupidly watched Twitch to catch this interaction between two characters I've been watching a lot. And after like half an hour, it just left the worst taste in my mouth. And I was just like... I wish I just hadn't. I wish I had just played with my cat, journaled and gone to bed. So I think I'm going to work on that.

Positive note to end on. I finished a second bracelet. This one has my first hand-carved wooden bead in it. It's actually pretty cool and I'm proud of it. I put in a bead to use as a... I don't know the term... a stopper? Like it goes in a loop and the bead catches and holds it on as like a clasp or whatever. I don't know terms. But yeah, I tried that and it works really well. I'd like to explore making adjustable bracelets/necklaces, but I'm not quite there yet. So that was cool, because it was like a week in the making and I kinda abandoned it around when the fights happened. But today I committed to finishing it and it's very clean. I'm happy with it. Its big enough to wear, but a bit too tight for me. So it's inspiring me to make another one, a bigger one, for myself. And then... I'll have my first jewelry piece that isn't for me. That is available for others. :D That's a cool feeling!

No music today, I'll see if it calls me tomorrow, not gonna kick my ass any harder than I need to. I'd also like to see if I can find cool ways to wire-wrap these beveled quartz pieces. That could open some cool doors.

#diary #journal #online journal #stream of consciousness #stream of thoughts

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sinnabonka · 4 years

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15x19: So bad, that it’s actually good

Yesterday I had the experience of my life. I couldn’t watch the show (hi, everyone stuck in UTC+ shithole), but I couldn’t sleep either, so I ended up at 3 AM reading my people livestreaming it on Tumblr. This was one hell of a roller coaster, given the absurdity of the plot and the weakest writing in this season.

(I don’t mean the excellent and ironical and powerful message to the fandom, we’ll get there)

I was aware beforehand what I was getting, so no major disappointment regarding not seeing Cas back this week. Also, it kinda was my call, that he’ll be back in the final final.

The Ultimate Happy End, the biggest win of Dean Winchester. Chuck’s book ended, and Cas is not in Chuck’s book.

Was it bad? Yes, it was. Did I enjoy it? Hell yeah, I did.

Everyone on Tumblr already gave their two cents of hatred regarding the writing, the montage, the solemn aim of this episode (spoiler alert: to please the general audience and bronlies), and I will give mine, too. Watcha say?

It was so bad.

I didn’t believe it was the same show as the rest of Season 15. It was like rereading the fanfic my stupid 13 y.o. self wrote after like half a season and no skill or whatever. Full OOC, everyone. Learn what not to do.

I am so happy I didn’t watch ep 18 and 19 in one night. Could you imagine? That would be like getting kicked in the balls after a pretty good blowjob or something. Idk, but I can imagine.

It was lazy, it was just connecting two dots in the shortest way possible, although, leaving dozens of gaps! How, in the name of God, did they manage it?

Why Chuck could bring Lucifer back, but Jack didn’t pull Cas out of the empty before evaporating?

Why Sam has no fucks to give about Eileen?

How did Michael miss the whole thing of Jack gaining powers, don’t angels, like, have a nose for such things?

What battle is he talking about? It’s was a single stab!

It’s all just so easy, so short sighted. God is bad, let’s defeat God. Lucifer is bad, too, let him do bad, again. Michael is petty, and with Adam gone he’s back to his tropes being daddy’s boy, let him not being appreciated one more time and lets kill him off, too. I mean, my speculations on this ep were stronger.

Let’s make our characters retell the villain what was happening off screen. Let’s put some direct call backs to the previous episode, but make it feel like a grain of sand in the eye. Let’s give Dean a miracle, just for Miracle to be yanked away from his hands a moment later (parallels to Cas, anyone?).

Let’s pretend there’s no Eileen, there’s no Cas, let’s pretend they don’t matter! Let’s pretend “Just us” is a happy end. Let’s have two bros driving in sunset, because after all those years and all their losses, that’s the only thing that matters. “To everyone we’ve lost along the way”, my ass.

(Totally following my call in here, though, I hate being right)

It was everything I’ve hated about the show back in 2013 when I left. And it was everything this show is not now, which I am so thankful for, and why I am back.

All those sloppy plot decisions, episodes with no logic, awkward and ridiculous montage, “only bro” dynamics, bending and totally ignoring the rules of the universe. The episodes with Lucifer, too, for crying out loud.

Forced happiness, fake smiles, a lingering touch, close up at the beer bottles. It’s just them, the Winchesters, and the whole world can go fuck itself, as long as they get to drive their Impala to the end of the world and back.

This is something Chuck would love to be their ending. You see what I’m doing here? This episode - it’s Chuck’s book, it’s the bad ending Becky’s been talking about: all action and no Cas. In other words, not good.

So, what’s good about it then?

In this episode we hear “the old Supernatural” talking through the words of Chuck and “the new Supernatural” answering, with Dean’s and Sam’s help:

Chuck: “What did you do?”

Dean: “We won.”

Chuck: “So this is how it ends?”

We won. The Author (TM) is defeated.

Chuck: “For the fist time I have no idea what happens next. Is this where you kill me? Dying of hand of Sam and Dean Winchesters. It’s kinda glorious?”

Chuck - the old Supernatural - wants the story to end this way. With killing God, with this bittersweet aftertaste, because Cas says all those beautiful words, but Dean still feeds off his anger and kills. Typical Chuck, right?

But, no! Not this time!

Dean: “See, that’s not who I am. That’s not who we are.”

Chuck: “What kind of ending is this?”

Sam: “His power. You sure it won’t come back?”

Jack: “It’s not his power anymore.”

It’s not their call! Writers tried to control the narrative so hard, but just kept circling around, killing one of the brothers just to bring him back. This time, there’s another ending.

Dean: “It’s the ending where you grow old. You get sick. And you just die”

Sam: “And no one cares. And no one remembers you. You’re just forgotten.”

Because that, my people, is the destiny of Supernatural if it ends this way. It’s the ending of “Supernatural” by Chuck Shurley. If it is the story of two brothers hunting evil for fifteen years and finding themselves back in the place they begun in, what’s the point? Yes, we love the characters, but the story is empty.

Everyone is going to forget about it before the final credits end. And the writers are well aware of it.

Quoting myself, If we keep taking the same route - we end up in the same place. How many seasons ended with Winchesters together, just the two of them? You’ll find one, that’s for sure. There’s no novelty in that ending.

(And Bobo didn’t provoke The Ultimate Shitstorm of 11/5/2020 for nothing!)

The episode 20 will be something Supernatural will be well remembered by. It will be a game changer!

I’ve written here about the change of the philosophy of the show (point 6). I’ll be a bit of a Chuck myself and put my own quote here once again:

The message the show wants to give the world has changed. From “it’s all about the journey, about saving people, killing things, no one ever gets what they deserve”, the philosophy has changed drastically toward the “good things do happen, you deserve to be saved, to be loved”.

And this, my people, is what we are getting in the next episode. Because Chuck’s story was about killing your brother, killing your son, one apocalypse after another, Lucifer, Michael, all that shit.

But Dean’s and Sam’s is not. And in their book, there’s Cas, there’s Eileen, and everyone they didn’t lost along the way.

So, brothers driving in sunset? Not the end, but the beginning of their own story.

“Supernatural” indeed ended tonight. But our story didn’t.

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inawickedlittletown · 3 years

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Queerbaiting and Buddie

(word count: 1,900)

I keep saying that I don’t want to spend any more time on 9-1-1 meta or fic, but the events of this weekend made me open up a document where I had some unfinished meta and in light of the S4 finale airing tonight, I thought I might at least write this:

“Queerbaiting is a marketing technique for fiction and entertainment in which creators hint at, but then do not actually depict, same-sex romance or other LGBTQ representation. They do so to attract a queer or straight ally audience with the suggestion of relationships or characters that appeal to them, while at the same time attempting to avoid alienating other consumers.”

That is how Wikipedia defines queerbaiting. And I really feel like everyone needs to read that and then read it again and realize that what is happening on 9-1-1 with Buddie is NOT queerbaiting.

I don’t want to go into the long history of queerbaiting because we would be here all day and anyone that wants to do some research should go and do so. There are a lot of resources out there. Use them.

But the short of it is this: queerbaiting has a lot more to do with the way a show is promoted, with the way that anyone involved in the show talks about a queer ship, and with the show deliberately scripting scenes that hint at a relationship without any intention of following through. Expectations and wanting a queer ship to go canon and those expectations not being met do not alone equate to it being queerbaiting.

For any of us that have been around a long time there are a lot of perfect examples and if you compare Buddie to any of them, they are very different. I’ll name a few:

Merlin/Arthur

John Watson/Sherlock

Emma Swan/Regina

Derek/Stiles

Castiel/Dean Winchester (though they did go canon...barely)

Lena/Kara

Buck and Eddie do not fit into that list. Which isn’t to say that someday they could belong there, but I just do not believe that they will even if Buddie never becomes canon. And this all lies in how Buddie as a ship has been treated both on screen and off. I’ll break it down by season.

S2:

Eddie is very clearly introduced as a new character, a straight Army veteran with a disabled kid and family drama. He and Buck have immediate chemistry. We can’t deny that, or deny that from that first episode there are immediate sparks. Unintended sparks, but sparks nevertheless. And it is easy to tell that no one on the production team expected that and the story reflects that.

Yes a foundation for their friendship is formed and yet the season long story focuses on Eddie’s relationship with his estranged wife and Buck is dealing with his own growth after being left by Abby. Their friendship shines and their scenes are great but none of them suggest romance and there are actually a lot of episodes where Buck and Eddie barely interact in S2 aside from in the background or for small work related moments (this mostly happens after Shannon returns).

S2 does give us the first acknowledgement from the powers that be aka Tim Minear that they know what the fans have seen. This is why the elf scene exists, but it exists in a space where it’s a nod to the fans and not meant to do much more than that. The other moment is during the call with the livestreamer. But S2, places them completely and without question on a strong friendship.

S3:

We see a lot more conflict for Buck and Eddie in this season and we see how close and important they are to each other. Those are the two main things. That can be read as friendship easily and it’s a season where both Buck and Eddie deal with their pasts and in one way or another start to get closure while their friendship remains intact.

Yes there are some scenes that make us squint and go huh, wtf? (I’m looking at you kitchen scene), but narratively we also know that neither of these boys is ready for a real relationship with anyone, let alone each other. But we can bask in how close they are as well as how Christopher fits in into all of it.

But in S3 we are also introduced to Ana and we see the return of Abby. We also get to see that Buck and Eddie have become closer than ever and that the lawsuit only serves to highlight the importance that they both feel about having the other available to them. I’ll also quickly mention that Eddie Begins worked hard to highlight Buck’s devotion to Eddie.

S4:

Without considering the events of the finale (I am avoiding spoilers and know nothing about it or the speculation), we’ve seen Buck and Eddie both grow and get further closure on their past. This season has paralleled them well and their friendship has not faltered, they’re as close as ever.

The beginning of the season was heavily focused on Buck and we saw him grow as a person and begin to work on himself in a healthy way and we’ve seen Eddie be supportive of that.

We also have Ana to consider and her relationship with Eddie as well as the return of Taylor and yet the appearance of these women has not changed the Buck and Eddie dynamic. And I find it fascinating that Eddie beginning to date Ana, is the thing that prompted Buck to start dating. The parallels are all over the place but it is the strength of the friendship and the way they care so deeply about each other that remains whether that becomes romantic is still to be seen, but it could still go either way.

Off-screen by the end of S2, Tim Minear had already addressed Buddie by throwing in that elf scene in a wink/nudge fashion that said “I see you” and in the scene with the girl with the livestream with the comments. During S3 he tweeted about being frustrated by the fans demanding and being hostile and thinking that that would make him more likely to do what they want (I’m paraphrasing what I remember seeing). Tim has never once said that Buddie will happen or shut the door on the ship entirely, but he did say he did not want to engage in conversation about it because he doesn’t want to get into arguments with fans.

Oliver has always been enthusiastic about Buddie and has even said that he would be perfectly fine with it happening both a while ago and more recently in promo for S4. Conscious of queerbaiting and not wanting to give fans false hope, he has specifically said that he does not know if it will or won’t happen and that he wouldn’t speak on that as he’s not the one making that decision. His support for it happening does not mean he has any sway one way or the other. He’s said this a few times and even wrote a letter to the effect to make it clear to fans that the last thing he wants is to disappoint someone due to something he’s said.

All in all, it just isn’t a constructive environment for anyone working on the show to interact with fans on this topic because any time that they do, they get attacked by overly enthusiastic buddie shippers that in many ways are making everything worse.

In all of the interviews from Tim that I’ve seen, he has always been very quick to hint at what was coming up on the show in a way that at times has been misleading on purpose. The number one thing that comes to mind is early in S4 where Buck was said to get a new woman in his life. Tim absolutely made it out to seem like it was a girlfriend while knowing fully well that it was a therapist. This is an excellent example of what promoting and hinting is actually like. No one from this show has done that in regards to Buddie.

No one has gone out of their way to hint that it may happen in a way that excites the fans. And this is one of my main reasons for knowing that Buddie is not a queerbait. At no point in the life of the show so far has anyone used Buddie in a promotional way to bring in viewers. Because THAT was the whole point of queerbaiting in the past.

It was a way that some showrunners found to bring in a lot of viewers when they needed to up their numbers in order to show networks they were worth keeping around. Someone figured out that LGBTQ people wanted to see themselves represented so much so that they would tune in to anything that promised an LGBTQ character in some fashion. It was a tactic that worked well in the landscape of tv where there was so little LGBTQ content on mainstream media that anyone wanting it would latch onto anything. And then they just wouldn’t deliver on those relationships or characters. In 2021, that is not the world we live in any longer.

In today’s tv landscape there is so much to watch and so much to pick from and diversity has grown, it is celebrated. Queer characters are well represented as are queer relationships and queer stories. The times are different. A while back I was listening to a podcast (Bait: a queerbaiting podcast) and something I found interesting was how the hosts both agreed that in today’s tv landscape there is no more real queerbait and that we won’t easily find anything like the ships I mentioned above. I think I agree more with this than I expected to, because I do think that it exists in some spaces, but it definitely isn’t what it used to be. This is a good thing.

Specific to 9-1-1, this is a show that has that diversity and that isn’t afraid of tackling that diversity and giving us interesting and nuanced perspectives and stories embracing that. We have characters of color, women in positions of power, a F/F relationship, two multi-racial relationships, a disabled character, other queer characters including a M/M relationship. There is so much in this show that embraces diversity and that embraces the reality of what the world looks like. To call it queerbait is to disrespect everything else that this show is and has done and the hard storylines that have been tackled that we would not have seen on tv ten years ago.

And I get that Buddie would be another breakthrough. It would be a novel way to tell a queer story, and it would be amazing if it were to happen. The set up is there, but it isn’t fully realized, and Buck and Eddie can still be read as just friends if we take off the shipping goggles. But it also isn’t queerbait or likely to become queerbait and people have to stop calling it that.

What Buddie resembles is one of the many unintended slow burn ships that have frustrated viewers in many forms across fandoms and we just have to go along for the ride and maybe it will happen. Or maybe it won’t. But if we know anything about relationships on tv, it is that a lot of the fun comes from the journey, even if the destination is good too.

#911 fox #buddie #911 meta #911 on fox #buddie meta #buddie is not queerbaiting #long post #this is almost 2k long

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havethetimeofyourstyles · 4 years

Text

in which harry stumbles across your livestream.

a/n: alright lovelies! here is my submission for bificathon hosted by my two lovely friends @bopbopstyles & @harrysclementines !! my prompt is ‘harry accidentally stumbles upon a livestream of her and her friend’ and let me tell you, I SNATCHED THIS SO QUICK! its my first time writing gxg smut, so pls be nice :’). also september is bi awareness month, so happy bi month babies! you’re so all beautiful and valid <3

enjoy 4k words of bi/camgirl!yn x roommate/best friend!harry filled with girl x girl smut/filth

come into my inbox and send feedback and let’s talk about this!

pls rb to share! <3

It was Harry’s usual Thursday night when he found himself lying in his bed with his laptop on his lap and a plate of his dinner in his hands.

He was binge watching interior home designers on Netflix, letting out an ‘ooh’ and ‘ahh’ as they revealed the finished homes, practically envisioning his future home the same way.

Thursday nights were practically the start of his weekend as he didn’t have classes on Fridays, and usually his friends and him would hang out, but he really just didn’t feel like going out nor did he have the social capacity to hang out and get drunk when he’s probably going to do that on Friday and Saturday.

He simply just wanted a break, and that included staying inside and watching interior designers flip a house completely different, and eating his dinner. And he wasn’t ashamed that he enjoyed it.

After a few episodes and an empty plate, Harry paused the next episode before it even started to put his plate away and grab a glass of water. As he was washing his plate, he heard the door open and close, followed by hushed giggles and whispers.

“Shh. Harry might be asleep,” a voice said, but he knew it was you. You knew that he liked to sometimes sleep early, but he thought it was too early to be asleep, seeing as it was only eight p.m.

“I’m actually in here,” he chuckled, making himself present with his voice.

“Oh!” You said surprisingly, and another laugh was heard.

You made your way to the kitchen, your guest following behind you as you saw Harry in just a pair of boxers and a t-shirt.

“Hey, H,” you greeted.

“Hi, love. Have fun tonight?” He asked. You had went to the bar to chill out from the many essays you had to write and exams you had to take, and Thursday nights were also a start to your weekend as well, so fuck it.

“Yeah, I did, thanks for asking. This is Daniela, by the way,” you introduced the girl you had met at the bar.

You had seen Daniela right when you walked in as her and her friends were sitting at the table right next to the entrance, and she immediately caught your eye. She looked right back at you, giving you some flirty eyes herself as you were dragged away by your friends and straight to the bar.

After a few drinks and rounds of dancing with your best girlfriends, you saw Daniela walk over to the bar and order some drinks, so you decided that it was your chance to go up to her.

You two had immediately hit it off, getting to know one another. She told you that she was a lesbian, and you proudly told her that you were bisexual. You also found out that you’re both in the same bio-chem class together, which definitely raised the excitement as she suggested studying together and you happily said yes. Then there was dancing while you two were both buzzed, completely forgetting your friends as you grinded against each other and kissed, not caring that you were practically putting on a show for everyone around you.

And when you suggested that you took her home, she immediately said yes, and you dragged her outside as you waited for the Uber you called.

“Nice to meet you, Daniela. I’m Harry,” he introduced himself, shaking her hand. “Her roommate and friend-”

“Best friend. C’mon, Harry, don’t put yourself lower than that,” you corrected and he smiled.

“Alright, alright. My bad,” he laughed.

“So, we’re gonna go to my room,” you winked him as Harry said ‘have fun’ before cleaning up a bit in the kitchen.

He was glad that one of you was getting laid. He also noticed how happy you were, which he absolutely adored, and he thinks it has to do with the fact that you came out a year ago, and you’re now living your life to the fullest and happiest, and that’s all he wants; is for you to be happy with yourself and in general.

Harry met you at the end of freshman year of college as your friend groups met up with each other at a bar. He was a bit more shy than the rest of his friends, and didn’t immediately mingle with everyone until a few drinks in. But as you introduced yourself to his friends, you noticed him sitting down at the bar, not interacting with anyone. You were also somewhat on the quiet side, but was able to handle introducing yourself, so you completely understood why Harry acted the way he did when you two met.

“Hey, not feeling it tonight?” You asked, taking a seat next to him.

“Eh, not one for going up to people and initiating a conversation,” he said nervously.

“I get that. Makes me nervous to go up to someone and talk to them, but I’m trying to get over that, so here’s me trying,” you chuckled as did he.

“Well, we gotta drink to that then,” he said, and it took him by surprise that he was able to make a joke and laugh.

It could have definitely been the liquid courage, but he was starting to warm up to you; joking around and becoming less tense as you two talked and drank. But that was because you were making him comfortable, to which he appreciated very much.

Since then, you two have been by each other’s side. He told you that your friends kind of intimidated him because they were very out there, and that made you laugh slightly because it was very true, but you made sure to be by his side whenever your groups hung out.

The group hangouts turned into one-on-one hangouts with just you and Harry. He was definitely more comfortable with you, and he really enjoyed your company and presence.

Both of your friends had expected you two to end up together, but you two realized that you were better off as friends—who knows if you two will end up together, but for now, you were happy being best friends with him as was he.

It was a year, the end of sophomore year, when you wanted to move out of the dorms. It wasn’t like you didn’t like your friends and roommates, but sometimes you wanted your own space and that didn’t help when there’s two other people in the same room as you.

So Harry suggested that you both find a flat together since he was on the lookout for a flat anyways, and it’ll help him a ton with bills and whatnot. You excitedly said yes after you asked him if he was sure that he wanted to move in with you, and if he was extra sure that he wanted to since you’d be there when he would take home people. He laughed, and said that he didn’t care and wanted to live with you, saying it’ll be fun. You both had gotten quite close throughout that year and practically told each other everything, so it’ll be even better to live with someone you both trust.

Junior year of uni, he noticed that you always came home with a sad frown on your face, briefly saying hi to him before going straight to your room and locking yourself up for hours. Harry tried figuring out why you were in such a mood all the time, and tracked his steps, seeing if he said anything wrong that made you upset. But he couldn’t figure it out as you both always had light and fun conversations during breakfast and dinner.

And the frown went on for months until you both came back from Christmas break, and you told him that you had to tell him something very important.

“Love, you can tell me anything, you know that right?” He said, reassuring you.

“Yeah. It’s just…I’m nervous to,” you said, shaking your leg. Harry really wondered what happened during break that made you so anxious. He was worried that you wanted to move out and not live with him anymore, but he had to remind himself that it was probably not even about him as he told you to take your time.

“Don’t worry. I’ll be here when you’re ready,” he said, and you nodded, giving him a smile before you walked off to your room to gather your thoughts.

An hour later, you came out of your room and found Harry sitting on the couch, watching a film. You sat next to him, and he immediately turned off the TV, giving you his full attention.

You took a deep breath and started, “What I was trying to say earlier was that something about me has changed, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you when I was still figuring it out, but I was just scared of what you would think,” you said. Harry started to get concerned, but he let you finish talking before he said anything. “So, I’ve always had an attraction towards girls, and I thought it was just me thinking a girl was pretty, but when I started to get nervous and flustered when a girl would talk to me, I realized that I really like them, and I would find myself flirting with them and longing to have something romantic with them. And then when I went back home for break, I met up with a childhood friend, and somehow…we kissed. It was so magical that it made my stomach flutter.”

Harry had smiled softly as you told your story; knowing where this conversation was going, but of course, he stayed silent and let you talk.

“So what I’m trying to tell you is that… I’m bi,” you had said nervously, hands shaking in your lap. You were trying to contain your tears from falling from your face as you shook your leg.

“Love, I’m so happy for you,” he replied, opening his arms to comfort you from the anxiety you were feeling from telling him. You had softly sobbed into his shoulder, feeling the weight on your shoulders disappear as you had finally told the person you were closest to and who you trust the most.

“R-Really?” You said as you pulled away from his hold.

“Of course! Why wouldn’t I be? I’m happy that you can be whoever you want to be and I’m here to support you,” he said, holding your arms and running his hands over your skin.

“Thank you, Harry,” you smiled at him, feeling ultimately grateful for your best friend and his acceptance.

Harry smiled at the memory as he heard giggles through your door, and he chuckled as he finished cleaning before heading to his room. He was feeling a bit tired and despite it being a bit earlier than his usual bedtime, he decided to call it a night a try to get some sleep, deciding that he could go on a run in the morning since he was sleeping early.

But after an hour of tossing and turning, he gave up trying to get a restful sleep, and opened his laptop to put on some Netflix, hoping it would lull him into a deep slumber. He was comfortably watching a random show until his hand grazed his crotch, and he realized he hadn’t relieved himself nor had he had sex in a while.

So, he pushed his boxers down his legs, kicked them off the bed, and took off his shirt before he grabbed some lube and pumped his cock as it immedately hardened in his hand. He began touching himself in the darkness of his room as he quietly groaned out and threw his head back on his pillow.

Realizing he doesn’t have some kind of visual, he stops to search up cam girl sites on the internet so he can get a mental image in his head to get him off. He finally settled on one user that was doing a live stream called ‘KISSYPLS’ as the preview was a girl going down on another with a purple ambiance to the room. The room was dark, but not dark enough where he couldn’t see the two girls.

The sound of the moans from his laptop were quite loud and he didn’t want you to hear it all the way from your room, so he grabbed some headphones from his bedside table, plugging in his earbuds into his ears as the sounds of the girls moaned and talked dirty to each other.

“You taste so fuckin’ good,” the girl that was doing the eating out said before she crawled her way up to the other’s body.

And the slightest moment as Harry was watching, the girl on her back had shifted down a bit as they kissed, and Harry’s eyes flew wide open once he glanced. He saw the face that he wouldn’t have expected he would see.

His roommate. His best friend. It was you.

You were being eaten out on his computer screen by Daniela, and he was in complete shock. He honestly hadn’t expected to find you because it was just a random scroll through the site, but holy fuck.

You hadn’t had your account for very long—maybe about three months. But you thought it was a good way to make some extra money because the bills were stacking up and they had to be paid off somehow. And you loved the idea of getting off in front of a camera for random strangers who pay to see that shit.

And of course, Harry didn’t know you were a cam girl at all. He hadn’t seen that coming when he was looking for something to get off to. But he wasn’t complaining. He just didn’t expect you to be the one on the other side of the screen. But there you were, showing your body and having sex with someone on camera for the (as shown) 27 people watching who are also horny as fuck.

You as a person are already beautiful, he knew that, but your body was something else. The way your tits were shown so clearly on his screen with your tattoo that was inked right next to your left tit; as the purple light hit your skin. He wanted to take them in his mouth and devour them.

You were sprawled out onto the bed, naked as Daniela was kissing you, and he couldn’t stop looking at you as your face looked while kissing someone. He was in complete shock that he stopped stroking himself, his dick in his hands as he watched you two make out. But once his cock twitched from the sight of your ass sticking up, getting a view of your glistening pussy and ass, he continued.

You flipped Daniela onto her back, making her squeal in surprise before you started kissing down her body, leaving small and sweet kisses to her soft skin. You took her nipples into your mouth, sucking on it lightly as she moaned. Once you were lying on your stomach between her legs, you gave her inner thighs a kiss before licking one long strike up her pussy. You generally loved the way girls taste rather than guys, so your mouth salivates more when you’re with women, eating them out and tasting them, and pleasuring them to their orgasm.

You tongue focused on her clit, licking her sensitive bud relentlessly as your arms were looped under her thighs, and your hand reached up to grab one of her breasts, taking her nipple in between your finger and lightly pulling it.

“Oh, fuck,” she moaned. Her voice was much more high pitched than normal, but you think it’s hot as fuck. “Like that.”

That encouraged you to continue sucking on her clit, and you brought your free hand to plunge two fingers into her wet pussy, curling up to meet the soft spot inside of her. Daniela’s back arched off the bed as her hair was spread out onto the pillow as she grabbed a fistful of your sheets into her hands. You pulled your mouth away from her to place your hand on her clit, rubbing it fast as you continue to finger fuck her. Daniela was an absolute mess above you, chanting that she was going to come as a way to manifest her orgasm.

“C’mon, beautiful. Cum for me,” you encouraged her, the sound of your voice had made Daniela and Harry moan out with how sultry and seductive you sounded. Daniela’s peak washed over her as her hips bucked up, but you placed your arm on top of her thigh to stop her from moving as you calmed her down from her high. You licked her up once more, collecting her juices on your tongue before climbing up her body to connect your lips with her. Daniela could taste herself on you, and it turned her on even more despite just having an orgasm.

Harry watched as you two kissed for a while. She wrapped her arms around your back, pressing her body against yours as you two made out, swirling your tongues together. Harry fondled his balls, intensifying the feeling before going back to stroke his cock. He gripped on his long hair with his other hand, so it felt like someone was in the room pulling his hair for him, and he closed his eyes. With the feeling of his orgasm coming, he was about ready to pump faster so he could get to his peak, but he heard your voice again.

“I’m not done with you yet. Wanna cum again?” You asked her, and she nodded eagerly. “Want you to cum when I say so,” you told Daniela, and she nodded. Harry slowed his movements down as if he felt like you were personally talking to him, even though a lot of people on her live stream felt the way he did once she said those words.

You fixed the laptop, pushing it back a little but still pointing it down to your bodies rather than your face. Giving Daniela a kiss, you situate yourself, putting one leg over her and the other under. You reach between you two, inserting your finger in her wet hole and bringing that wetness to her clit, and she does the same to you.

Slowly moving closer to one another, you touch clits, rubbing it against each other as you two moaned out. The sounds coming from both of your mouths were loud enough that Harry had heard them from his room, and it genuinely felt like he was in the same room as he was also watching it on his screen.

“Fuck, I wanna cum,” he groaned to himself.

“You wanna cum?” You said, rubbing yourself on her and she whimpered out a ‘mhm,’ and you proceeded to grind faster.

“Yeah, please let me,” Harry moaned.

The feeling of both your wetness rubbing together was sending you over the edge as you felt like you were going to explode. Your moans had gotten louder, and you really hoped Harry was wearing some sort of headphones with loud music because you felt bad that you were being this loud, but you couldn’t help it.

But little did you know that Harry was listening to everything.

You felt like Daniela had waited long enough to release, so you grabbed her face gently, giving her a kiss. “Go ahead. Cum for me,” you said breathlessly as you were going to let go after she was done.

Once Harry heard those words, he sighed in relief, letting out a loud groan as his orgasm was released onto his stomach. His abs clenched and his hips bucked into his hand. He grabbed a pillow and bit on it, concealing his moans as he came down from his high. With his chest heaving up and down, he looked over at his laptop to see you breathing deeply and he knew that you had just orgasmed as well.

Your orgasms had hit both of you hard as you were left sprawled out on the bed, laying on opposite sides as your legs were still entangled with one another. Daniela sat up, pulling your body towards her, and she kissed you deeply, still feeling entirely breathless.

“God, you’re amazing,” she said against your lips, and you smiled into the kiss. The live stream was still going on, so Harry continued watching you two interact with one another post orgasm. “Kinda wanna use that dildo of yours on you,” she smirked, and you chuckled, nodding your head eagerly.

“Like a threesome, but with a dildo,” you joked, and she laughed.

“Maybe we should have one?”

“What? A threesome?” You asked, pulling back, and she nodded her head and shrugged her shoulders.

“Yeah, why not?”

“With who?”

Just on cue, a knock was heard on your door quite loud, making you and Daniela turn your heads towards the door. Before you even had the chance to even get up, the door opened, revealing Harry in just his boxers. You couldn’t help but look down at his crotch area and see his cock hard.

“Done with the show ladies?” He asked, smirking. The two of you were still completely naked, but neither of you cared to make an effort to cover yourselves.

“W-What?” You stuttered and looked at Daniela as she had no clue what was going on either.

“Watched your live stream,” he finally said, and your eyes widened.

“How did you find it?” You asked, moving towards the edge of the bed, and Daniela stayed behind near the headboard.

“By coincidence, I swear,” he said, walking towards you. “Was just scrolling and I was horny as fuck, and I stumbled upon it.”

“D-Did you like it?” A nervous tone came with your words, and it was strange because you’ve never been nervous with Harry, except the time you came out to him. A huge part of you wanted him to say he liked it and that he enjoyed the show, and you really hoped he did.

He stood in between your legs and looked down at you as you looked up. The sight below him was just something that irked him; you looking up at him with wide eyes, acting innocent and him looking down at you with a raging hard on, begging to be touched by you and your mouth. He placed his hands on both sides of your face, caressing your warm cheek as he studied you for a moment. The smear of mascara that laid under your eyes and your flushed cheeks made his cock twitch.

Just from watching your live stream, he noticed that you were quite dominant in bed with girls. But with how you’re looking at him, wanting validation and reassurance from him, you’re submissive with men (or just him in general).

His stare was intimidating, and the dark purple light illuminating your room didn’t help. He’s never seen you naked and bare, so that added to the stress of if he likes what he sees. But you were surprised that you didn’t want to cover up in front of him. Throughout the years of being best friends and roommates, you two have never fucked. Although you have kissed multiple times, it was purely platonic and sometimes you just needed a kiss every once in a while. And as your best friend, Harry was happy to help.

“Of course I fucking loved it. Wanna know my favorite part?” You smiled softly, nodding slowly as you looked at him with big and innocent eyes. He bent down, matching your eye level before he whispered, “Well, first of all you, of course. Looked so damn beautiful, I swear.” You blushed, and he continued. “But the part when Daniela suggested a threesome just a minute ago. If you and her are up with me being a plus one, then I am. Your wish is my command,” he said softly, kissing your nose.

Daniela gasped behind you, a big smile on her face as she crawled to the edge of the bed, wrapping her arms around your waist and kissed your shoulder before she spoke.

“Well, looks like we’re gonna have a lot of fucking fun.”

#harry styles smut #bi!reader #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles dirty imagine #harry styles ff #harry styles x you #harry styles x reader #roommate!harry #uni!harry #bestfriend!harry #harry styles au #gxg #harry styles writing #harry styles one shot #harry styles angst #harry styles fluff #harry styles #harry #hs

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babymetaldoll · 3 years

Text

Quarantine with Matthew Gray Gubler (MGG / Reader)

(Not my gif, thank you to whoever made it! )

Requested: Yes :)

Vivir en cuarentena con Matthew, y él hace en vivos por Instagram con y/n respondiendo preguntas de fans

Category: Fluff

Pairing: Matthew Gray Gubler / Reader

Summary: Matthew loves making people happy, and in quarantine, he finds the best way to keep in touch with his fans and do what he loves the most: spend time with (Y/N) 💜

Warnings: Nope

Word count: 2,2K

Masterlist

A/N: I am so sorry this request took me forever!! Hello guys!! thank you for all your comments, and love 💖 You are awesome!! hope you have a great week!!

Living in quarantine isn't as bad as many people think. It all depends on who you are spending your time locked in with. (Y/N) knew it pretty well, 'cos she had been locked with her husband, Matthew Gray Gubler, in their shared house for the last month.

And even when most people were sick and tired of being home, (Y/N)and Matthew managed to keep themselves busy and mentally sane. In fact, you could feel more stressed considering there was a pandemic and no one could see their loved ones and friends. But being with Matthew made it all so much bearable.

Considering Gubler's job kept him busy most of the time during a normal year and that he didn't have many chances to be home the way he was now, he enjoyed it.

Sleeping in was heaven. And the fact he could stay in, wearing pajama and kimonos, just enjoying his wife's company, was what he needed.

He didn't realize he needed to take a break after years of hard work until he was forced to do it. And god, it felt good.

(Y/N) would keep herself busy writing and reading while Matthew painted and draw by her side.

Their daily activities included: trying new recipes at least three times each week. Gubler would always come with some random exotic dish he always wanted to recreate. And six of eight times, he nailed it.

They would also spend a day in their pajamas doing nothing. Usually, it was Sundays. That was their official cuddles day. Just movies, ice cream, and cuddles.

Matthew also started teaching (Y/N) some magic tricks. She had insisted a few times, but he was very reluctant to do it at first.

- "A magician never shares his tricks, Bunny"- he argued for days.

- "Ok, but what if I am a magician too? Then it would be ok?"

(Y/N) was sitting on his lap, playing with some curls of his hair between her fingers. They were in their backyard, having a picnic. They had set a blanket and had some cookies (Y/N) had baked, along with two tall ice coffee Matthew had prepared, with an obscene amount of whipped cream.

- "And how are you planning to be a magician if you don't know any trick?"- he questioned, raising an eyebrow.

- "Just because you haven't taught me any trick doesn't mean I don't know any!"- she answered, pretending to be insulted.

- "My wife can do magic, and she never told me?"

- "There are a lot of things about your wife you still don't know"- (Y/N) teased and smiled at him.

- "Bunny, we are locked in this house until further notice. I think I have enough time to find out all those things I haven't seen in the last years."

(Y/N) had finally convinced him when she showed him a simple card trick her father had taught her when she was a kid. Gubler got so excited he even presided a ceremony to name her an official magician and invited their friends to be part of it via zoom. Everybody enjoyed their magic tricks and shared a good hour of fun and laughter with them, just like they would do live.

It felt good to be with their loved ones, even if it was just online.

That gave Matthew an idea.

- "Hey, Bunny!"- he walked into the kitchen holding his phone, scrolling down his Instagram feed.

- "What is it, honey?"- (Y/N) asked him as she kept chopping vegetables for dinner.

- "I was thinking maybe I should start doing Instagram live streamings with the fans. Maybe do some magic tricks, tell jokes. I don't know."- (Y/N) raised his eyes from the food and smiled.

- "Sounds awesome! when do you wanna start?"

- "Now?"- he answered a little hesitant

- "And what do you have in mind?"

- "Maybe answering questions and asking them if hanging out via Instagram is something they'd like to do."

(Y/N) chuckled and walked to her husband, pinching his cheeks, making him giggle.

- "You are so adorable, Gub. Like anyone wouldn't love to hang out with you."- he blushed and shook his head.

- "Ok, I'm gonna do it here anyway."

- "While I'm cooking?"- (Y/N) looked confused

- "Yes, I want you near so you can stop me when I start rambling"- (Y/N) laughed and kissed her husband's lips sweetly.

- "I can't stop your rambling, Gubler. But I can mute the video"- she teased, and he pecked her lips, chuckling.

- "Just stop me when I start saying anything embarrassing."

- "Deal."

No one could say Matthew Gray Gubler didn't care about his fans. He was committed to being always nice to anyone who would ask for a picture or an autograph. Why? Because nothing made him happier than making people happy. And if his job gave people joy, he honestly felt his life had a purpose.

That's why he enjoyed his improvised IG stream so much. He just sat on a couch nearby the kitchen and started talking with fans, answering questions.

- "Where am I spending my quarantine? Here is my hunted treehouse. I don't think I had ever been home this much, and it's been awesome."- Gubler stood up and started walking around the room.

- "Who am I spending it with? my gorgeous wife, of course,"- he said and pointed the phone at (Y/N), who was still cooking dinner. She simply waved and smiled

- "She is making sure I eat proper food now... Bunny, people are asking what you are cooking."

- "Pad thai"- she answered with a huge grin- "Gubler's request for tonight's dinner."

- "Maybe we could make a cooking class one day,"- Matthew suggested, and the screen started filling with "YES!!" immediately- "I could teach people how to burn every pan in the house, and you can cook."

(Y/N) nodded, laughing.

- "You can teach everybody how to make the best hotcakes."- (Y/N) answered and walked away from the phone.

It wasn't that she didn't like being part of her husband's activities, but she figured she wasn't really that important. Fans were there to see him, not her.

But Matthew followed her.

- "Yeah! I'll make my famous chocolate chip hotcakes, and you will have to top them!"- (Y/N) laughed and looked at her husband, raising an eyebrow.

- "Battle of the hotcakes?"

- "Yes!"

- "Set a time and a place, and I'll be there"- (Y/N) put her hands in her waist and raised an eyebrow, looking as serious as she could fake it.

- "Tomorrow, noon, here in our kitchen, because we can't leave the house,"- Gubler answered and mimicked his wife's attitude, still streaming everything.

- "Bring it, Gub."

And just like that, another livestream was scheduled.

The next day, at noon, Matthew streamed the funniest hotcake competition there had ever been seen by humankind. At least that's what he described.

- "Let's say it's a tie"- Gubbler decided and finished the last piece of hotcake in his dish- "I'll leave a poll in my stories so you can decide what you wanna see in tomorrow's live."

- "Really?"- (Y/N) asked, surprised- "Which are the options?"

- "Magic tricks or... I don't know. I didn't think this through"- he answered, making his wife giggle.

- "Maybe you could make a Rumple reading"- and Gubler's eye brightened at the idea

- "With my Rumple costume?"

- "I don't see why not"- Gubler looked at the screen and grinned like a kid.

- "Ok, you'll decide, magic classes or Rumple reading."

It was a draw. That's why Gubler did a Rumple reading the next day and decided to prepare a magic class with his wife for later that week.

His followers were having a blast with each one of their streams. Matthew would always try to take a step back and let his wife shine in front of everybody. He thought she was so funny the world needed to see more of her.

And (Y/N) always tried to be the best sidekick for her husband. Helping him make his streamings as fun as possible.

For the Rumple reading, Matthew sat in an armchair by the fireplace, dressed like Rumple, and read the whole book, impersonating voices and everything. Then, (Y/N) read the questions from the fans, and Matthew answered everything.

Gubler dressed like a classic magician for their magic streaming, and his wife was his assistant, helping him with each trick.

And by the end of the week, the people picked Q&A streaming with the two of them. It was the Friday "Chilling with the Gubs special."

- "Your girl is about to steal the whole show"- Shemar called Matthew that week and made him laugh- "She's the best part of the whole stream."

- "Don't flirt with my wife!"- he answered and chuckled.

- "I'm just saying she has a lot of potentials. She should try to do some stand-up comedy."

Gubler loved that comment, though. He knew his wife was awesome, and he wanted the world to know. As simple as that.

- "Ok, Bunny, ready to answer some questions?"- Gubler set the phone in front of them as they sat in their backyard. One more time, they had set a blanket in their favorite spot. And they had cookies and coffee.

- "Hit it!"

It was fun to do those things together. (Y/N) had never been one to be in the spotlight, but she loved being with Matthew. And if he was happy, so was she.

And it took only a second to see how happy Matthew was. He beamed each time he looked at his wife by his side.

- "Ok, this is a good one. What did we have for breakfast today?"- (Y/N) read and chuckled.

- "Good question. Waffles. (Y/N) made waffles, and I ate five, with ice cream. I'm gonna get so fat in quarantine"- the actor answered and felt his wife's hand in his hair.

- "What's your next project"- (Y/N) read- "Oh! that's a good one!"

- "But I won't say anything about it,"- Gubler answered and chuckled- "You'll have to stay tuned."

- "But I can assure you, it's amazing,"- (Y/N) added smiling- "How did you two meet"- the couple looked at each other and giggled.

- "At a party in my best friend's house"- she answered- "She was dating one of Matthew's friends, and they had a huge celebration when they moved in together."

- "And when I saw her, I knew I had to talk to her, but her friends didn't leave her alone."

- "Why didn't you just walked over and talked to me anyway?"- (Y/N) asked and crossed her arms on her chest

- "Because they were intimidating! and I am a shy guy!"- he explained- "I had to wait until you walked away to get yourself a drink to talk to you finally!"

- "You literally appeared by my side as soon as I walked away from them"- (Y/N) laughed, remembering the moment- "It was so funny!"

- "Hey! it might have been my only chance! I needed to take it!"- Matthew held her hand and played with her fingers, thinking he was glad non of that was in the camera angle.

- "And it worked"- (Y/N) answered and smiled at her husband, thinking as soon as that livestream was over, she was going to have a serious make out session with him

- "I'm glad it did. Quarantine would suck without you."

Gubler answered and smiled, thinking as soon as that stream was over, he was going to jump on her and kiss every inch of her body, just because she looked so beautiful that day.

- "Are you guys planning on having kids?"- (Y/N) read and turned all kinds of pink. There was a silence between the couple as they just looked at each other and shrugged.

- "We'd make cute babies"- Matthew answered- "And we could clearly keep them entertained."

(Y/N) laughed and shook her head.

- "We are not streaming that!!"

- "What?"

- "The baby-making part!"- she joked, and Gubler blushed, laughing and falling back on the blanket.

- "That idea never crossed my mind!"

- "I had to say it! Just in case"- (Y/N) argued and chuckled.

She had thought about having babies in the last few months. But getting pregnant during a pandemic didn't sound like a good idea.

Or was it?

- "Ok, everybody. We are signing out for today"- Gubler announced and waved at the camera- "Take care, stay in your house this weekend, and we'll come back maybe next week."

- "Maybe people can suggest what they'd like to see"- (Y/N) said and looked at Gubler, smiling back at her.

- "I'll leave the option in one of my stories so that you can leave your suggestions. See you!!"

The livestream was over. Gubler left his phone aside and looked at his wife. She was sipping her coffee and fidgeting with her fingers on the fabric of her jeans.

- "We would make cute babies, though,"- Matthew whispered and watched her beam at those words. That was all he needed to know.

- "You would spoil them so much"- (Y/N) replied, giggling.

- "Only because they will be just like you, and I love to spoil you so much"- he opened his arms, and (Y/N) leaned in, resting her body against his.

- "So... do you wanna have a baby Gub?"- she whispered against his chest- her voice was muffled, but he heard her clearly.

- "I think I do. You?"- Gubler answered, feeling his heart beating faster.

- "Me too."

(Y/N) muttered and giggled. Matthew looked at her and leaned in a little closer, kissing her lips sweetly.

It was a massive step for them, and they were very excited to do it.

- "Do you wanna start now?"- Matthew suggested, and (Y/N) blushed immediately- "I mean... I was going to suggest sex before, but now..."

- "The sooner, the better, Gubler,"- (Y/N) replied and bit her lips- "After all, we are gonna have to do a lot of practice before we succeed."

#spencer reid #criminal minds #matthew gray gubler #fluff #mgg #mgg fanfic #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid x reader #matthew gray gubler x reader #matthew gray gubler fanfiction #mgg x reader #criminal minds fanfic #babymetaldoll writes

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dottielovegood · 3 years

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ASMR - chapter 2

Elriel fanfiction

About this fic:

Azriel can’t sleep Elain has an ASMR channel Match made in heaven (or you know, on youtube..)

______________________________

Since a few people seemed to enjoy the first chapter, I decided to continue this story. You can find the first chapter here And you can read the story on AO3 here.

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CHAPTER 2

Flower Girl ASMR 1 day ago I am so happy that I could help you sleep, @Shadowsinger <3 ASMR stands for Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response. It is that tingly feeling you might get from certain sounds. You can also have visual triggers. Supposedly, if you find the right triggers, they will help you relax and they can even help you sleep. I hope that sleep treats you with kindness from now on.

Azriel stared at his screen. She had responded. She had actually responded to his message. He had scrolled through her comment section again to see if she replied to all her messages, but she didn’t. She liked most comments, but she only replied to a few. It made him feel special, which was absurd. Why did he feel special because some girl on the internet had replied to his comment? She had probably already forgotten about it.

But Azriel carried it with him for the rest of the day.

He also carried with him the annoyance of some of the comments he had seen. This girl really needed to learn how to block some words. Especially: boobs, nudes, cock, jerk off, and cum. Azriel made a disgusted face when he thought about it. If they knew each other, he would help her with that.

But they didn’t know each other, so Azriel didn’t have to think about it. Those comments shouldn’t affect Azriel in the slightest. He had read way nastier things on the internet and never cared.

What was it about this girl?

Azriel was sitting at his desk. He was working at Velaris Times – a web-based newspaper that his best friend Rhysand had started a few years ago. He hired Azriel to work in IT and their other friend, Cassian, as a photographer. It was a pretty small newspaper, so they all felt like family there.

Azriel was feeling naturally energized for the first time in his life. He didn’t even need to down his usual three cups of coffee this morning. Cassian was sitting next to him, editing some photos for an article that their co-worker Mor had written.

“You wanna grab some lunch later?” Cassian asked.

Azriel’s eyes didn’t leave his computer, but he nodded in agreement. “Sure. Should we invite Rhys?”

Cassian snorted. “Nah, he’s on that weird health-cleanse, remember? Feyre probably packed him a kale juice and some broccoli.”

Azriel chuckled. Feyre was Rhys’s wife and since they decided to get pregnant, she had been all about healthy eating, to Rhysand’s dismay. He wasn’t even allowed coffee - it was all about the green tea! Some days, Cassian and Azriel ate their lunches at the office which always lead to Rhys staring longingly at their food. It felt like having a dog begging for scraps underneath the dinner table.

“So that’s still going on, huh? I thought he would have given up by now. There’s only that much kale you can eat,” Azriel said.

“Yeah, but he’s whipped. Remember when they first started dating and she served him soup from a can and he ate it like it was a gourmet meal.”

“Fair enough.”

“You know that I can hear you, assholes?” Rhys called from his office. They had been very aware of this fact. Rhys strode out of his office, wearing his usual uniform of a dark suit and a crisp white shirt. Azriel was happy that he worked in IT so he could get away with just wearing black jeans and a black t-shirt - and maybe a hoodie on cold days.

“Are you telling me that Nesta doesn’t have you wrapped around her little finger?” Rhys smirked and leaned against the doorframe.

Cassians ears turned red. “She could never get me to drink kale-smoothies every day.”

Rhys shook his head. “You were pining for her for two years before she even agreed to go on a date with you. She could probably tie you to your bed and get you to call her mistress if she wanted to.”

Cassian leaned back in his chair and gave Rhys a purely male grin. “It wouldn’t be the first time,” he said and wiggled his eyebrows.

“Oh for fucks sake,” Azriel groaned. “Too much information, Cass.”

Cassian shrugged. “Don’t be so sensitive, Az.”

Azriel glared at him. “I’m not sensitive just because I don’t want to hear about your sex life.”

“That’s because you don’t have a sex life,” Cassian muttered under his breath, which elicited a burst of laughter that sounded more like a snort from Rhys.

Azriel shook his head and tried to concentrate on his work, which was almost impossible when his two friends were still staring at him. He could almost feel them scheming.

“Hey, Az. How’s the dating going?” Rhys asked.

Azriel didn’t answer, mostly because the answer would be that it didn’t. He didn’t date. He was tired of going on dates with people he didn’t know. He wasn’t very talkative, so dates were basically his nightmare. And it was even worse when he agreed to download Tinder on a drunken night a few months ago. Dating like that just wasn’t for him. He didn’t want to meet someone on the internet like that.

“You want me to set you up on a blind date?” Cassian asked, and Azriel pretended not to hear him.

“Nesta has some great friends,” he continued. “What about Gwyn?”

Rhys nodded. “Yeah, Gwyn is a nice girl.”

Azriel stared at his friends. “I’ve met Gwyn.”

“So?”

“If I’ve already met her, it’s not a blind date.”

Cassian thought about it for a second and shrugged. “Eh, semantics. Should I tell Nesta to give her a call?”

“No. She’s not my type.”

Truthfully, Gwyn was a very sweet girl. She was cute and funny and determined, but she just wasn’t for Azriel. They had met a few times but there had been no attraction - no sparks. Azriel wanted to feel something from the start. He didn’t want to be in a relationship just to avoid being lonely.

“So, what is your type exactly?” Rhys asked.

An image popped into Azriel’s head. Usually, he couldn’t imagine what his type would be, but now, he saw someone in his mind. She had golden hair and cute little freckles on her nose. She was gentle, kind and calm.

It was Flower Girl ASMR.

Azriel closed his eyes, trying to get the picture of her out of his head. What was wrong with him? He didn’t want to date someone he had only seen in a few videos. That made him as creepy as those assholes in her comment section. He didn’t even know her. He didn’t even know her name.

“I don’t know,” Azriel muttered. “Could you please let me get back to my work?”

And after a few more suggestions of people they could set him up with (he kindly, but firmly, declined), they finally let him work.

That night, Flower Girl ASMR was hosting a livestream on YouTube. Azriel wondered if they might live in the same time zone since the live stream seemed to coincide with a reasonable bedtime for him.

Azriel joined the livestream just a few minutes after it had started. A few hundred people were already logged in. Flower Girl ASMR was sitting in front of a background that looked like the night sky; dark blue and full of fairy lights. Her hair hung in waves around her face and she was wearing a pink top that matched her complexion. Not that Azriel noticed such things, why would he?

She was brushing her camera with a make-up brush, making it look as if she was brushing his face. “I am so happy that you all could join me here tonight,” she whispered into her microphone. “As promised, I was going to host my first livestream when we reached one hundred thousand subscribers, which we did last week.” She smiled at the camera, one of those smiles that reached her eyes. Azriel could feel himself smile back. Which was stupid. She couldn’t see him. “Tonight, you can make requests or ask questions in the comments, and I will answer a few of your questions,” she continued. She was still moving the brush over the screen. The combination of her whispering voice and the visual trigger of the brush made Azriel tingle all over.

Most comments were very nice; telling her that she helped them sleep, or wanting her to say hello to them. People asked her about her favorite color and if she had any pets (lilac and no). One person asked her to do something called hand sounds, and Azriel had never in his life appreciated hands rubbing together as much as he did at that very moment. Maybe it was something with the setting on her microphone, but the sound was like a wave of pleasure in his brain.

He could feel himself relax. But then, of course, the nasty comments started.

HybernCoolKid Show a little skin babyyyy. Those tits look perky af

MortalGraysen Trying to look so innocent when you’re a fucking slut

Amarantha_utm I would honestly rather watch paint dry

Azriel could feel his blood boil. He recognized the names from the video he had watched last night. Why didn’t she just block them? On the screen, he could tell that Flower Girl had seen the messages; her face fell for just a second. And one second was all it took for Azriel to suddenly feel very protective. He was just about to go tell them to go fuck themselves when he saw that he wasn’t the only one with that idea. The comment section was flooded with love for her and in just a matter of moments, the mean comments were drowned in a sea of heart emojis. Flower Girl smiled at the screen, silently thanking all of her followers for the love. But she didn’t address the hate. She just kept going as if nothing had happened. There were a few more nasty comments during the livestream, but the same thing happened every time; her followers love-bombed her. Azriel was happy to see that most people seemed decent enough, but god, she really needed to learn how to block people.

Before he could think about it, he clicked the link in her description that led to her Instagram. Her username was the same on that app, and it was mainly used to tell her followers when a new video was uploaded. Azriel quickly looked at his own feed, making sure that there was nothing embarrassing. There wasn’t. He didn’t post very often, and when he did he usually posted pictures of food.

He clicked the button for her DMs, and before he could talk himself out of it, he wrote her a message.

Shadowsinger Hey! I just watched your livestream (it was great!) but I couldn’t help but notice some really rude comments. I hope you don’t find this weird, but have you tried blocking them? If you don’t know how, I could send you a link that will describe how to do it. God, this is weird, isn’t it? If this message makes you uncomfortable, just delete it. I’m sorry. But if you need help with blocking those douchebags, please tell me.

He sent it without even reading it and as soon as it was out in cyberspace, he groaned. What the fuck was he doing? She wasn’t his friend. She wasn’t his anything. Yet, there was something that drew him to her. Maybe it was the fact that she helped him sleep? Yes, that had to be it. It was either that or witchcraft, and Azriel didn’t believe in the occult.

Azriel was just about to put his phone in another room and go die from embarrassment when he saw that she had answered his DM. He was afraid to open it. What if she told him to fuck off? He would never be able to watch her videos again, and then he would never again feel rested.

FlowerGirlAsmr Hello! I recognized your username from one of my videos! I’m happy that you enjoyed the livestream :) I have blocked them multiple times, but they keep coming back. But thank you for offering to help me. That is very sweet! Ps: The lasagna on your feed looks delicious.

Azriel stared at the message dumbfounded. She had answered him. And she didn’t tell him to fuck off. She had remembered his username. And she thought that his food looked delicious. He didn’t understand why he suddenly felt so nervous. Should he tell her that after watching her video he had the best night’s sleep of his life?

Probably not. That might sound creepy.

Shadowsinger Yeah, I commented last night. Have you tried blocking words from appearing in your comments? If you did that, you might not have to endure such nasty comments. (Yes, the lasagna was very delicious)

He was staring at his message. Did he sound stupid?

Yeah, he definitely sounded stupid. The lasagna was very delicious ? Why did he add that?

Stupid, stupid, stupid

But despite his stupidity, she answered.

FlowerGirlASMR You can do that?? I had no idea! I am not very good at computers. Honestly, I have to google every single thing about YouTube because I understand nothing, haha. How do I block words?

Shadowsinger I’ll send you a link that describes the process!

He sent her the link and waited for a few minutes, feeling happy to help her.

FlowerGirlASMR I hope you don’t think I’m stupid, but I understood absolutely nothing :( Is there a link for dummies?

Azriel laughed at the last part of her message.

Shadowsinger Unfortunately not. But if you want, I could help you.

She didn’t answer him for a while after that. Azriel was staring at his phone, trying to will a message to appear. Did he cross a line?

FlowerGirlASMR I won’t give you the details to my account. We don’t know each other.

Oh god. She thought that he was trying to scam her or something. Fuck.

Shadowsinger I don’t need to log into your account.

He sent the message quickly.

Shadowsinger I could guide you if you like? I work in IT so I’m used to just guiding people through these things.

FlowerGirlASMR How could we do that? I’m not very good at understanding instructions when they are written…

Azriel had an idea and it was both brilliant and idiotic. He typed quickly before the logical part of his brain told him to stop helping this girl he didn’t know.

Shadowsinger I could give you my number and guide you through the phone? I could share my screen with you so you could follow along like that if you are more of a visual learner. You could call me with a hidden number.

He added the last sentence to make her feel safer. And because he didn’t trust himself to have access to her number.

Again, he had to wait for a small eternity before her message popped up.

FlowerGirlASMR That would be great! Could I call you tomorrow at 10.00?

He didn’t even check his schedule before typing “Yes.”

She answered with a smiley.

Azriel sent her his number and she said that she would call, and that was that.

“What the fuck am I doing?” Azriel muttered to himself and got back to bed.

He opened the youtube app, and one of her videos was the first one he saw. His finger hovered above the video. Would it be weird to watch her now that they had messaged each other? He decided to click another ASMR video instead. And then another. And then another.

After 2 hours, he realized that all ASMR was not equal.

So he gave in and clicked on one of her videos. Flower Girl ASMR’s face filled his screen. “Hello my lovelies, lovelies, lovelies,” she whispered, and Azriel thought that she was the loveliest person he had ever seen.

Five minutes later, he was fast asleep.

#elriel fanfic #azriel x elain #elriel #elain archeron #azriel #acotar #acotar fanfiction

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writerchickmarie · 2 years

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Passport To Soul - Around The World In 90 Minutes With John Lloyd Young

I have often said that John Lloyd Young speaks - and sings - The Language Of Soul. And tonight, he proved that to an even greater degree than before...with an extra stop along the way to add to our passports.

This evening at Feinstein’s At Vitello’s was also livestreamed for those of us who couldn’t be in Los Angeles this weekend, and I’m so grateful that it was - otherwise we would have missed this extra special night filled with songs from around the world, and the unique way that JLY makes you feel during each song, no matter the language, and whether you are familiar with that language or not. It’s truly a gift.

He began the evening in English with some Jersey Boys, starting with the always beautiful “Can’t Take My Eyes Off You” and moving into the joy of “Oh What A Night”. He told a few stories about performing at Clint Eastwood’s Tehama Golf Club, and his adventures while exploring the area. He just might need his own wildlife adventure show!

We segued from English to Spanish with “What A Difference A Day Makes” and its counterpart, “Cuando Vuelva A Tu Lado”, with JLY’s voice floating the romantic melody across the miles to all of us in the various cities and countries where we were watching. In continuation with that, he performed “Contigo A La Distancia (With You From A Distance)”...and shared some fond memories of singing that song with the chorus when he was at the University of Salamanca.

We had a brief English interlude - or a palate cleanser as JLY called it - with “Show And Tell”. But then we were treated to JLY’s absolutely stunning rendition of “Annie’s Song” in Spanish - the translation that he wrote because it felt better to sing this one in Spanish. Tonight’s performance was truly the most beautiful one I have heard to date, and it moved me to tears. It was followed by an even more emotional version of “Usted”, which, along with Marcus Watkins’ stellar Spanish guitar, made one of our favorites even better.

After cleansing our palates again with “Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me”, JLY took a short break while Tommy Faragher and the band (Marcus Watkins on guitar, Davey Faragher on bass, Charlie Faragher on drums) performed an incredible “California Dreamin’”...a song I have always loved, but now done with even more soul.

When JLY came back onstage, we moved into the Mandarin portion of our trip around the world, with a rousing “Wo Yao Ni De Ai (I Want Your Love)” from the movie Crazy Rich Asians - inviting us to participate in a fun call and response. After that, we got more serious with “Ming Ri Tian Ya”, which never fails to tug at the heartstrings. I’m so glad that JLY continues to keep this one in his sets.

We went back to English again with “You Are Everything”, and the way JLY performs this is everything...effortlessly moving into falsetto and back, while making the song fresh and new in the way that only he can.

Back in our international travels, JLY took us to Italy with “Parla Piu Piano (theme from The Godfather)”, sharing some of his heritage and stories of his love for special effects makeup and makeup artists. This is another song that only gets stronger and more powerful every time he performs it. Bigger than Pacino and DeNiro - my hand to God.

For the final international song, JLY debuted a new language. A friend suggested a French Canadian song to him, and once he heard it, he just had to learn to sing it. “Un Peu Plus Haut, Un Peu Plus Loin”, which translates to “A Little Higher, A Little Further”, was absolutely gorgeous, and showed how well JLY can move all of us in any language he chooses to sing - even one that he just learned. I hope we continue to hear this one in the future.

We returned from our hour and a half trip with favorites “Cara Mia”, “Working My Way Back To You”, and “Sherry”, with everyone on their feet both in person and at home, back to where it all began.

This is an international trip that none of us will ever forget. I wonder what stamps JLY will help us add to our passports next time? I look forward to even more soul...in any and every language that he chooses to sing. And I’m so glad that we are all on this journey with him. Here’s to many more adventures ahead!

#john lloyd young #john lloyd young friends #concert review #around the world

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too-kinky-to-live · 3 years

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confessions

ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/35097340

i got inspiration for this fic from an old sr fic that’s since been deleted, really wish i could find it again :(

anyway, this is a commission for my good friend @chili-kinks ! this one is a lot more sexual than my usual works, but i hope i did a good job regardless uwu

also, a certain scene is based off of this art by chili :)

(contains mastu.rba.tion and ana.l se.x, characters are still in high school but aged up to 18 for this story)

Ouma liked to think he was a pretty normal guy.

Granted, he was the small, skinny kid that was bullied at school, but just about every school had one. It wasn’t uncommon for Ouma to walk home with a bruise or bandage on him. Thankfully, he had a good friend in Shuichi Saihara, the resident nerd and weird kid. A friend he definitely, definitely didn’t have a crush on. For all his strange attributes, Saihara was a good friend.

And an attractive one at that.

Ouma had an… interest in heavier men. Perhaps it was due to Saihara’s sedentary lifestyle of being cooped up in his room on weekends, but the taller boy was noticeably chubby. He couldn’t begin to describe how badly he wanted to grip Saihara’s love handles, play with his moobs, and rest his head on that plush tummy. His cheeks heated up just thinking about it.

After a long, boring day at school, there was nothing better than opening his laptop to pleasure himself. His parents were out to dinner, so tonight was an especially opportune time. Scrolling through his favorite risque streaming site gave him the usual results: men showing off their voluptuous bodies, sometimes with partners by their side. How he longed to be one of them… and with Saihara, no less. Speaking of which, Saihara would probably be weirded out.

Which was saying a lot, considering it’s Saihara.

Losing his friendship would utterly destroy Ouma. He couldn’t bear to think of a world without the raven-haired boy. So, this wild fantasy of his would have to stay private. He continued scrolling down the website until he stopped at a livestream under the name “dumptruckdetective”. Ouma raised an eyebrow. What an odd username. And the thumbnail accompanying it had a… familiar looking bedroom. He could pick out distinct Danganronpa wall scrolls and figurines with a lavender color. There were about 700 current viewers, and Ouma decided to increase that number.

“Greetings, new viewers.”

That sultry voice belonged to no other than Saihara. Though his face was currently hidden above the camera, it was unmistakably Ouma’s crush. The raven-haired boy knelt before the camera and placed his hands to the sides of his tummy. Saihara was wearing a rather ill-fitting dress shirt, as evidenced by the fact that it was struggling to stay buttoned under his girth. He had to admit, it was rather bold of him to wear his school uniform while doing such scandalous acts. Though it certainly worked in his favor since Ouma found him incredibly attractive in the normally average-looking uniform.

“Some of you were kind enough to donate towards my cause… I promise I’ll put it to good use,” he gave a small chuckle and gestured towards a small plastic case of four red velvet cupcakes, and a large 2-liter bottle of melon soda. The chat, meanwhile, was just about what Ouma had come to expect from these streams: people hollering like customers at a strip club, and some even tried to playfully call Saihara names (though he couldn’t tell if Saihara actually read the chat or not). Ouma was never one to comment on these streams, he was more content to keep to himself and jerk off to someone he self-projected onto.

Saihara began delicately opening the box and plucked a cupcake out to lift to his face. He leaned forward a bit to angle the camera to his chubby face, his golden eyes gazing at the camera with gentle judgement. Without missing a beat, he slid the whole dessert into his mouth with a dramatic moan. A sharp tinge of arousal shot through Ouma’s body. Being a constant viewer of these actions, it normally took him a bit to feel such emotions. So why, then, was he unconsciously unzipping his pants as Saihara wasted no time in wolfing down another treat? At this point, the chat was just a busy blur to Ouma’s eyes. The only thing that mattered was watching his crush seductively shove cupcakes into his mouth, purposely letting his mouth get smothered by frosting.

“Y’know, I had a pretty big dinner before this,” he emphasized with a strong pat to his large belly. “It’s only natural to finish it off with *burp* desserts and a drink, hmm?”

It was as if Saihara was staring directly at Ouma. His breath hitched. He could only assume his face was red like a tomato. God, he never thought his evening would go like this. This had to be another wet dream of his, right? He pinched himself, and nothing happened. Ouma casually pulled his throbbing cock out of his dented pants, with Saihara effortlessly polishing off the last of the cupcakes. Small strings of saliva formed when Saihara removed his fingers from his mouth, and Ouma swore he would have come on the spot. The taller boy shifted himself to give a side view of his body, showing a slight curve forming around his tummy. In turn, Ouma reached over his desk and brought lotion to his dick.

“Mmm… *huurrrp* delicious,” he sighed, patting the new curve added to his gut. The smaller boy always found it cute whenever Saihara burped. It was a sign of genuine satisfaction, and one Ouma dearly wished he could contribute towards. Most people found it gross, but the raven-haired boy seemed to have a total lack of regard to his non-existent table manners. Sometimes, Ouma would even forgo a bit of his own lunch to add to Saihara’s. He watched with bated breath as Saihara moved on to the large melon soda bottle.

It took a bit of effort to reach for the bottle, but Saihara persisted. He unscrewed the cap and brought the bottle straight to his eager maw. Ouma was utterly speechless watching his crush try to chug the massive bottle. The smaller boy loved soda himself, but chugging just a small can left his throat in ruins. Gulp, gulp, gulp, gulp… It was as if every time he swallowed a swig of the drink, Ouma’s cock would pulse. The bottle now required both of Saihara’s hands to steady it, forcing the taller boy to lean back slightly. Staring at his neck bobbing gave Ouma the perverted yet provocative image of Saihara taking in the smaller boy’s dick instead of a bottle.

Ouma shook his head violently. Yeah, as if Saihara would ever agree to that.

Though he was inclined to believe he had a chance, considering Saihara’s current state. He noticed his crush struggled a bit with consuming the last of the melon soda with shaky hands. Ouma didn’t even notice how aggressively he was stroking himself until now. God, he was so close…!

BWUUURRRP!

Ouma’s mouth was agape. Cum trickled down his trembling fingers, but he was too dazed to care. He slumped back in his chair and panted heavier than he did after P.E. class. His eyes finally focused on the stream to see Saihara having a similar reaction. He fell back onto his carpet as his stomach made an audible slosh. Suddenly, he shot back up in his chair when he heard a loud pop noise from his laptop. The lowest button on Saihara’s shirt sprung right off and went God knows where. Saihara lazily brought up his head to see what happened, but the overstuffed boy couldn’t see past the mountain of his belly.

...How could someone be so cute and hot at the same time?!

Ouma could only imagine the sounds of bubbling digestion coming from the results of Saihara’s monstrous appetite. The taller boy rolled over to face the camera (as if to set off Ouma even more with the sloshing noise, the oblivious bastard), and leaned over to turn it off.

“Thank you for tuning in, *urrrp* I guess I couldn’t help myself… again,” he winked, his musky voice almost threatening to make Ouma go for round two.

The stream cut to black, and Ouma was left to wonder just how he could be so unlucky and lucky in one day.

The following morning, Ouma noticed a significant lack of bullying from his usual school schedule. Their attention was instead diverted to Saihara, who had a completely different demeanor from last night.

“What’s with your uniform?” the blond bitch known as Akamatsu sneered. She was accompanied by Momota, Ouma’s usual bully. He merely leaned against the wall with his arms crossed, huffing in disgust.

“This some dumb kink you and your little boytoy are into?” She pointed towards the small bit of flab peeking out from under Saihara’s uniform, which was noticeably missing its last button.

“Ah, it must have fallen off during the first period,” he mumbled sheepishly. Ouma could hear other students chuckling in the background, and for once it wasn’t directed at himself. The smaller boy wished he had the nonchalant attitude Saihara did, just rolling with the metaphorical (sometimes physical, though they never dared to throw one at Saihara for some reason) punches. He really was just off in his own little world, and Ouma was glad to get a glimpse of it last night. Saihara began to walk off as if nothing happened, with Ouma quickly tagging along before the others noticed him.

“Hey Saihara, do you think we could hang out after school today?”

The boy in question turned to face Ouma with an innocent smile. “Sure thing, Ouma.” A smile that Ouma couldn’t help but think was anything but.

It was an especially arduous day to get through, as Ouma could only think of confronting Saihara about last night. But how could he bring up something like that? ‘Hey, I saw you on a porn website and I jerked off to you.’ Needless to say, Ouma didn’t think this through very much. The two arrived in Saihara’s room, and Saihara was already rummaging through his snack drawer until Ouma calmly grasped his wrist. Saihara looked up at him curiously, a small blush forming on his cheeks.

“H-Hey, um… you were really hot last night.”

The blush Saihara had previously instantly covered his entire face. “Y-You saw all of that?”

“Yeah. I… I really value our friendship, Saihara. I never thought I’d be telling you this, but I’m really attracted to big men. Specifically, you. I’ve always had a crush on you, but I understand if you don’t feel the same way about me,” Ouma ducked his head. “Thank you for letting me get this off my chest.”

Saihara was silent. The only thing Ouma could hear was his rapid heartbeat. Fuck fuck fuck why did I spring this on him he’ll never love me back I-

“Ouma.”

The smaller boy’s head shot up and met Saihara’s patient, golden eyes. “Thank you for telling me that. It really means a lot,” The taller boy clutched the bottom of his tummy, chuckling. “You really like this, huh?” Saihara leaned in. “It’s all yours, Kokichi.”

Ouma couldn’t hold himself back anymore.

He grabbed Saihara’s shoulders and brought his body up against his own, smashing their lips together. The taller boy draped his arms over Ouma and pinned him to the floor. The two were new to making out, so their kisses became sloppy and rushed as they desperately clung to each other. Ouma felt his cock begin to throb once more; and when it pushed against his pants, Saihara giggled.

“Already, Kokichi?”

The smaller boy moaned under Saihara’s plush body, taking his moobs into his hands and squishing them sensually. This really was like every fantasy Ouma had… and he wasn’t about to ruin it. Their lips disconnected and Ouma was left to admire the thick body leaning over him. Saihara’s eyes, much like Ouma’s, were full of nothing but desire. The taller boy brought a hand to Ouma’s cheek, caressing it softly.

Saihara knelt down until he was next to Ouma’s ear. “I haven’t had my dinner yet... if only I had someone to feed me.”

Ouma shivered. “I’ll make you as much as you want, Shu- Saihara.” The taller boy shook his head gently. “Please, call me Shuichi.”

The smaller boy gulped and nodded wordlessly. Saihara slowly removed himself from Ouma and let the boy go downstairs to prepare his meals. He let out a deep sigh, before giggling to himself. Finally, finally Ouma feels the same way...! Saihara hugged himself tightly. Truthfully, he was always fearful of his crush finding him unattractive because of his body. His method of coping in filming videos and all the people lusting after him only helped his self-image so much - but what he truly desired was Ouma’s love. And now, it was all his. He felt stronger than ever.

About thirty minutes passed before Ouma came back upstairs carrying a few plates. The smaller boy placed them on a low table, so Saihara inched his way over. Ouma picked up the chopsticks and lifted a round dumpling to Saihara’s mouth, and he happily chomped down. It was a treat in itself to watch the taller boy eat. He moaned around the piece, trying his best to keep his mouth closed around the large dumpling. A hearty gulp sent it down to his greedy gut. There were six dumplings total, and Saihara had more than enough room for them all.

Ouma was about to get the next piece until Saihara placed his hand on the smaller boy’s. “Why don’t you try using your hands this time?” Normally Ouma didn’t like getting dirty, but this was an opportunity to please his boyfriend. Nothing else mattered. Before he could react, though, the taller boy brought Ouma’s hand to Saihara’s mouth, sticking it and the dumpling inside.

Saihara burst out laughing. “Kokishi, your nosh ish bleedin’!”

Unfortunately, his words fell on deaf ears. Ouma was too stunned to react. His brain was still trying to process the fact that his hand was in Saihara’s mouth. It was oddly sexual… and he definitely didn’t mind. He pulled his hand out and wiped his nose with the other.

The rest of the dumplings went down without any issues, and a satisfied belch escaped Saihara's lips. Ouma rushed to rub the bulbous belly presented to him, unbuttoning the tight dress shirt in the process. Saihara's belly revealed itself in all it's glory, complete with a happy trail running straight down to his concave belly button. He pressed in slightly; and with an impromptu belch, Saihara gave a sly grin.

“I know you like it when I burp, ‘Kichi. That’s why I’ve been perfecting it just for you. And I see that can of soda you brought up… I could go even deeper if you want.”

Ouma hastily grabbed the melon soda and presented it to his boyfriend with shaky hands. Saihara took it and wasted no time in bringing it to his mouth, before loudly gulping down the liquid. He could almost hear the soda start to pool in his stomach, trying to find room among his previous meal. Soon enough, he separated himself from the can and casually tossed it behind his shoulder.

BWAAARP!

“Ah, that hit the spot.” He gave his belly a firm pat. Ouma cautiously laid a hand on the round mass, rubbing his thumb inside the belly button in awe. Without thinking, the smaller boy leaned forward and gave it a brief kiss. Aside from fullness, all Saihara could feel was pure adoration. He giggled when the smaller boy didn’t even notice him unbuttoning both of their pants.

“O-Oh.”

Ouma looked up at him. “You really want to…?” Saihara nodded.

The two undressed themselves and Ouma took in the beautiful sight before him. Ouma was rather conscious of his bony image, but he felt… safe. Loved. He wrapped himself around the full girth of Saihara. As he sunk his face into the flabby expanse of Saihara’s belly, he could hear gurgling and bubbling from within. The taller boy placed a hand on Ouma’s head and rubbed softly. He carefully led them to his bed and positioned himself on top of the smaller boy’s back. Ouma couldn’t help but tremble slightly.

“Shhh, it’s okay ‘Kichi. We’re both virgins, so we’ll take it slow, okay?” he cooed, smoothing his hands over Ouma’s shoulders.

Ouma felt a long, wet object near his ass. When did Saihara put on lube? Before he could dwell on it further, said object was gently pushed at his entrance. This was really happening! How he’s dreamt of this day… the smaller boy’s body allowed entry without hesitation and Ouma was quickly filled up. Saihara’s balls pressed against him; and with the taller boy’s cock pulsating inside him, his tongue unconsciously hung out of his mouth. He grinned in pure bliss, and Saihara took it as a sign to slowly thrust in and out. Ouma felt the full warmth of Saihara’s thick fat enveloping him, barely watching his moobs through half-lidded eyes.

Saihara couldn’t get enough of the involuntary moans and grunts coming from the smaller boy. He never in a million years thought Ouma would want something like this, much less from someone like him. But with his small frame against his large body, it was as though they completed each other. He bent over to Ouma’s neck and began nibbling it playfully, earning another moan.

All the rocking jostled the larger boy’s bloated stomach. He raised a hand to his mouth, but was too slow to stifle the brief belch that slipped out. “H-Hot,” he heard Ouma mumble. “You like that, Kokichi? This is all your doing, y’know~” he clutched a bit of his flab, jiggling it. And that was the icing on the cake. It was Ouma who helped contribute to his boyfriend’s perfect body. His own cock continued to receive rushes of blood.

“I’m c-close, ‘Kichi,” he grunted. “Could I… let it out?”

“I thought you’d never ask,” Ouma grinned, as if in a drunken state. And with that, his ass graciously accepted the warm embrace of Saihara’s cum. The taller boy let out a sigh of contentment before hugging Ouma tightly.

Ouma came shortly after, sputtering apologizes for messing up Saihara’s sheets. The larger boy could only laugh at Ouma being so polite after letting him fuck his brains out. He slowly removed himself from Ouma, leaving a trail of cum from his ass. Saihara excused himself to the bathroom to initially clean up, but he also couldn’t help squealing in glee for sealing the deal with his newly acquired boyfriend.

He brought an oversized T-shirt for Ouma to sleep in, only to find the boy fast asleep on the bed. Saihara could only shake his head with a smile as he tucked himself and Ouma to bed, spooning him from behind to keep him warm.

#stuffed ronpa #i would tell you not to read this if you're not of age but....#you shouldn't be following me in the first place.

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