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allisonlol · 2 years

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May i request Fyodor x fem!reader ( when they on their period ) 😳 ? Add some nfsw is the best ಡ ͜ ʖ ಡ .I rlly love your words you writing cuz its easy to understand (for me). Ignore this is okay. Have a good day ( ╹▽╹ )

a/n: ur so sweet, i'm answering this SO LATE and feel rlly bad lol. i went and added other characters to compensate perhaps <3 this post ended up being super long lmao!! also don't ask me wtf happened in fyodor's part, y'all it's about to get nasty in a good way

warnings: fem reader, periods, blood, nsfw at the end of each!! i've partitioned the sfw & nsfw sections for those who wanna skip :)

(Fyodor, Dazai, Chuuya) When Their S/O is on Their Period [Sfw & Nsfw]

Fyodor

SFW

before you, this man had never felt the touch of a woman (or anyone) so his knowledge on periods is quite limited

knows what they are from a scientific standpoint, but not really a sympathetic one

therefore u have to teach him a few things lol

gets the hang of it after awhile and ends up taking decent care of you when the time of month comes around

fyodor tends to shut himself off in his office for most of the day, which obviously doesn't help you

so, he now allows you to curl up in his lap while he types away at his computer

but if i'm being completely honest, he gets lowkey annoyed from ur whining and will kick you out of his office after an hour（￣ー￣）

this is fyodor we are talking about, after all

for the most part, he is attentive and plays the role of a supporting bf

makes you tea, showers with you, plays with your hair to help you fall asleep when you're kept up from the pain

copes decently with your mood swings etc. usually if you'd ever spoken to him in a rude tone unprovoked, he would be aggravated to say the least (◡ ﹏◡) but tries to have more patience & understanding since he knows ur going thru it lol

NSFW

oh lord, where do i even start

so surprisingly, he was the one to suggest the idea of period sex first

but then...did not act on it? literally talked about it in DETAIL and then left you hanging

now, he did this on purpose tho. wants to see you desperate and begging for it, and you did

fyodor is a smart cookie so he knows that your hormones are all out of whack, and that you want nothing more than for him to help you out

however, it's only when you are begging him with tears of frustration in your eyes that he finally agrees

won't really comment on it but he's not a fan of the blood, and only uses it to degrade you

^will finger you but then stare blankly down at his blood covered hand, before roughly wiping it across your face

pace wise, fyodor will start off gentle and "caring" before quickly switching to rough and demeaning

rails you so hard there are blood splatters up both his torso and yours

the whole time he glares down at you with a look of disgust and almost contempt while you're practically crying from overstimulation

Dazai

SFW

LMAOO good luck

jk, he's not that bad. well...at first he was

but gradually dazai realizes that he can't tease you and be his usual annoying self when ur on your period

because you WILL burst into tears

after the fact... he is quite a doting boyfriend <3

probably asks yosano for advice tho LMAO

always stops at the store after work to pick up snacks for you or anything else you may need

but do NOT ask this mf to buy pads for you. because he WILL come home with like...diapers or some shit 💀💀

dazai still doesn't always grasp the concept of mood swings so when you snap at him or start crying he just looks at you like 0-0??

quickly learns to just agree with everything you say and NOT tease you as much during these times

ok but listen up. if you wanna use this to your advantage, just manipulate him into doing things for you by guilt tripping him <3

^ "ugh, i was supposed to run to the store but i'm in soooo much pain, i wonder who could do this for me instead..."

consider it payback for all the times he's made YOU run errands for his lazy ass

NSFW

actually refused for the longest time out of fear it would hurt you

^literally the ONLY time this man has ever said no to sex. would instead give u a head pat & say "you should rest instead :)"

ok well what if we don't want to, dazai? what then??

you'd ended up giving him a pretty good speech on why it is GOOD to have sex while on your period and how it can alleviate pain and then he's like (¬‿¬)

after you've convinced him of that, dazai is down for it whenever <3 but only when YOU initiate it first & make it clear that is what you want

relatively gentle; prefers to go slowly and focus on hitting all the right spots deep inside you

loves watching the relief on your face as the pleasure overcomes the pain you'd been feeling nonstop

doesn't really like seeing the blood get on him tho...? not cuz he thinks it's gross or anything, but rather cuz it's your blood and it would make him think he's hurting you or something,,,idk but either way it would make him spiral

^so yea, the only side effect of this is that y'all must keep the lights OFF

Chuuya

SFW

THE BEST ONE FOR THIS IN EVERY WAY

isn't super educated on it at first, but after getting into a relationship with you he put in the work to do some research

treats you like a mf queen!!! (albeit he already does...but it's even better during this time)

has a period tracker on his phone so he can prepare in advance

isn't afraid to buy pads for you...and he's smart about it too. actually knows which size and type to buy

^walks straight into the feminine hygiene aisle and you best believe that if anyone even looks at him funny for doing so, he's breaking their jaw

stocks up on your favorite snacks & carries them in his pockets so if you're ever out n about and need some, he'll already be tossing one your way

surprisingly, chuuya puts up well with your mood swings and tries his best to not get angry or argue back lol <3

sometimes he may forget and snap back with something rude, which of course sets you off more

but dw, he makes up for it afterwards by giving you snuggles

plus, who needs a heating pad when you can just have chuuya lay on top of you??

NSFW

ngl the first time you asked he looked at you like 🤨

but after seeing the way your face fell at his reaction, he sighs and goes "well i guess we could try..."

dw, he very much WANTS to, he's just another one that needs to be sold on the idea out of worry it will hurt you

all you had to say was "it helps with the pain-" before chuuya is agreeing & pulling you towards the bedroom

after the first time he becomes lowkey addicted to it tho??

^it's the way you melt into his every touch, your voice cracks from the overwhelming pleasure, you're so much more wet...

yeah, he'll never get tired of seeing you this way <3

if you're worried about his reaction to the blood and all that, don't be because i promise he does NOT care. it's a normal bodily function and chuuya is the last person to judge that

^lays towels down on the bed to cover the sheets. wouldn't really mind if blood got on the sheets tho (he's rich anyway, he'll just buy more??)

OH and btw...yes he still gives head when you're on your period <3 when i said this man does not care, i MEANT it

taglist: @deadmitochondria @miycutie @chuuyasboots @shy-socially-awkward-intovert @beandaifuku @stygianoir @sonder-paradise @irethepotato @serenareiss @ashthemadwriter @mrsdostoevsky @clovcly

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bonefall · 7 months

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How do you feel about "character joins bloodclan" aus? Im curious about ur thoughts since youre really in tune with the themes of the series but personally i just hate them bc its ALWAYS aimed at 'unfortunate' characters and always ALWAYS ignores the fact that bloodclan is a horrible place in-canon and that they're just reflavoring the abuse and trauma the characters qent through to be more emo or goth themed.

Ravenpaw is ALWAYS a prime target for this and its like. Great. You took the character being abused by their mentor figure and is being harmed from the violent culture the clan has generated... and giving them an EMO mentor figure who will inevitably abuse them and harm them as a result of the violent culture the emo clan has generated. Sasha is another one I've noticed- you've put the woman who lost her kit and is struggling to survive with the others while being controlled and abused by someone who sees her as an outsider (aka alone and easy to isolate), and are gonna put her in a faction who specifically separates kin from one another to easily control them and who have canonically tried murdering those who stick with their family. What was gained here.

Like i know bloodclan is revamped in ur au (thank god for it) but in canon bloodclan is HORRIBLE. People ignore that in favor of putting their favs into bloodclan bc bloodclan is cool and killed tigerstar that one time bc of revenge. Ravenpaw becomes Scourge AUS are SO SO SO much worse bc of this too- sure you manage to point out how scourge and raven has roughly similar stories in their youth but you could also do something interesting and make an au where raven and scourge are FOILS and do a firestar/scourge thing, while pointing this comparison out!! Instead you just went "Ravenpaw emo now and is sad about beating up Firestar his friend" and basically kept everything the same.

Sorry im basically venting here but i just dont like how people forget that scourge in canon does NOT look out for the 'little guy', he's a murderer and abuser who wants to keep his subjects afraid and separated so that he alone has power over them. Bloodclan is not the cool strong goth group, its the group where two cats slaughter eachother over a piece of twoleg scraps, only for the survivor to die bc the food was poisonous to cats and no one knew bc theres no cohesive group that can pass that knowledge around. its a fucking horrible place to live. Im not saying that you cant do interesting "character in bloodclan" aus (a Rusty who lives in bloodclan who STILL wants to do good but is shaped by the horrid reality of bloodclan would be fun imo) but its so often used with already traumatized characters as a 'solution' or 'fix-it with some emotional issues involved' that i just foam at the mouth and howl like a rabid animal on principle at this point.

Hmm... I think for me, it doesn't tend to read that way for me when the fandom makes AUs for it. I'm coming at BloodClan from a point of really deep critique and frustration.

BloodClan's not a REAL place, and what that means is, every speck of how horrible it was is a choice the writers made to justify its treatment. It was something they actively decided, because, BloodClan was a tool to suddenly invalidate the previous 5 books of TPB so that the series could comfortably conclude there was no need to upset the status quo.

If you haven't read it before, I recommend this post I made on how Darkest Hour Is A Personal Disappointment, but anyway;

We spend a whole series on how Fireheart challenges a broken society, because he is different. Their xenophobia, how isolationism and glory get people killed, the way that Tigerstar's greatest asset is how respected he is... these are bad things. They're things that Fireheart fights for several books.

But then, in the LAST book, in the 11th inning, they introduce BloodClan. They're just evil. They have no nuance. The narrative bends over backwards to stress that this group of evil foreigners LOVES murder, hates friendship, and doesn't believe in our good god.

Suddenly, the Clan cats have to be EXTRA xenophobic and glorious to kill these filthy, murderous foreign hordes. Clan cat belief in their good god makes them stronger than the bloodthirsty barbarians. Firestar kills Scourge and we can feel happy and triumphant about it, when Tigerstar was killed a few chapters ago and given a tragic sendoff.

So, I encourage you to step back from an emotional response to how Filthy and Murderous this group was portrayed, and look at it as a writing choice.

When Tigerstar, known cat-racist and murderer of mixed-race people, is killed by Scourge in self-defense, he is grieved by Firestar and commended for his "good qualities". (and then they retconned in that it was actually secretly revenge all along, not just self defense, so this killing is extra evil)

When Scourge is killed, Firestar just thinks about how it's cool he's not going to heaven, and how all of the previously ferocious BloodClan warriors look so inferior to the forest Clans.

And so, with all that said,

I'm 100% in favor of how the fandom widely looks at this, says, "fuck that" and just makes them the Cool Goth Group. I'd argue pretty strongly that the least nuanced idea of that is still infinitely better than canon.

There was nothing there. It was literally just Xenophobia-Is-JustifiedClan. They literally hated love and friendship and banned families so that Clan cats would look good in comparison. Banned families. You don't get this level of stupid evil from anything else but an 80s cartoon.

Maybe I just don't see the AUs you tend to see (I curate my Tumblr experience very well and generally hang out in more adult-oriented spaces, I can imagine a place like Amino being mostly kids who tend to be immature. Edgelord Angstpiddle is just a normal part of growing up), but every project I see that gives me a glimpse of BloodClan Ravenpaws and Sashas come with such tweaks already assumed.

Like, these are examples I've seen,

They'll have Raven be involved with the formation of BloodClan

Scourge will actually be a character with some pity and mercy, like how he was in Rise of Scourge when his abusive siblings begged him for food, and he fed them before sending them away.

no ban on love and friendship. Lol. Lmao, even.

More of the social structure will be based around acquiring food for people in a 'harsh' environment, leading to that battle, instead of just Evil Foreign Greed (which canon!scourge only had after being almost killed by tigerstar, because he said "actually, in light of new information that you are a murderer, i need to reconsider our deal.")

BloodClan will be overhauled completely. I've seen this a few ways. Connecting them to SkyClan, or the Oakstar raids on Chelford, or even as a positive entity; a surprise ally. (VERY common with BloodClan Ravenpaw AUs I've seen).

Anyways... (Shrug), I dunno dude, it doesn't bother me that much.

#and remember. BloodClan is 1 of 3 actively hostile evil foreigner groups with no nuance.#4 if you also count Slash's rogues as their own entity and not just a continuation of One's.#This is NOT a treatment ever EVER given to Clanborn cat factions.#Berryh's hate crime club is being treated with more kindness than this.#None of Mud's supporters were punished for attempted murder or treason. Or anything.#And there is only ONE DF trainee who was Dark Forested after his death.#So anon I'm so sorry but I am your worst enemy u_u #We will fight at dawn #I think that one barley map is super awesome and it's the only time I ever really liked canon BloodClan #I like to imagine my own version in my head when I watch BloodClan-related art because canon BloodClan bugs me so bad #The xenophobia in this series is so blatant and yet so overlooked

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theribbonmarkedroom · 11 months

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The erasure of Andi Mack makes me so sad as someone who watched it as it was airing. I understand the show had issues regarding a Certain Actor, but it still makes me really sad for the people who worked on it. And because the show is such a gem. I want to write about Andi Mack in general one day, but because it's pride month I want to briefly talk about the show through that lens specifically.

Firstly, Andi Mack has so many episodes missing on Disney+ AND DisneyNow that it would be impossible to try to watch the series in full by using any of these apps. Until recently, DisneyNow had completely removed Andi Mack from its app, and put it back on with only an incomplete season three and without any of the games that were there originally (like Andi's Texts). This, I'm assuming, has to do with that Certain Actor, but the missing episodes has also made including Cyrus in any pride posts or collections harder than it should be (more on that in a second).

On Disney+, there is a "Pride Collection" which does not include anything Andi Mack related despite Cyrus being the first openly gay main character on Disney Channel. His coming out scenes (plural because of the individual scenes with Buffy, Andi and then Jonah) were extremely prominent not only to real people, but also to Cyrus' character as a whole. Two out of the three episodes where Cyrus comes out - "Hey, Who Wants Pizza?" (season 2, episode 1) | "Cyrus' Bash-Mitzvah!" (season 2, episode 13) | "One in a Minyan" (season 3, episode 11) - are not even available on Disney+, nor are any of them on DisneyNow (sidebar, Andi Mack isn't featured on DisneyNow 's pride section either). What's even more frustrating is that the series finale, "We Were Here", where Cyrus and TJ are confirmed to have mutual feelings for each other, are available on both Disney+ AND DisneyNow, yet it does not feature on either app's pride sections. Cyrus being gay wasn't just implied, he literally says the words "I'm gay" the third time he comes out and the second time he clearly says he has a crush on Jonah. It's not easy to overlook him as gay, and as a character who should be included in those pride collections, so his omission is clearly deliberate.

Even if the coming out episodes weren't featured, at the very least, any episode with Cyrus and TJ after they became friends should count; episodes like "For the Last Time", "The Cake That Takes the Cake", "Mount Rushmore or Less", "Something to Talk A-Boot" and of course the series finale. Surprising no one, only three of the Tyrus episodes I listed (and there are more) are actually on Disney+. I mean, they included a Miraculous episode in the Disney+ "Pride Episodes" collection that had the most minute blink-and-you'll-miss-it scene of Alec in a wig, so why not include any episode at all with TJ and Cyrus? Idk the whole thing is just very frustrating for so many reasons.

Edit: if anyone is interested in putting together a fan collection of art, stories etc etc of Andi Mack or letters detailing what the show meant to you that we could somehow share with Terri Minsky to let her know how much we appreciate her and Andi Mack, please dm me. There has to be some way we can show her that we haven’t forgotten about the show or her. I can always make another post if there’s enough interest to spread the word

#andi mack #cyrus goodman #tyrus #pride #buffy driscoll #jonah beck #disney channel #tyrus andi mack #cyrus you will always be famous to me #I remember being so stressed every time a new andi mack episode came out they had me GLUED to my screen #wish I could rewatch the series in its entirety :(#justice for andi mack :(#rip to my tyrus fanfic from back in the day I will always think of you 😔

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onemustalwaysbecarefulofbooks · 10 months

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Why I Dislike Rhysand, Part 1: Not a Martyr Like You Think

So. . this rant has been a long time coming. I finally came to the conclusion that it would be too much to include all in one post. There are so many different things I feel the need to touch on and include that I decided I’m going to be breaking it up. Enjoy Part 1.

I also feel the need to start off by saying that I’ve been an SJM reader for nearly ten years now. I remember when ACOTAR first came out. I remember reading ACOMAF upon its release and nearly being blown over by my intense disgust and dislike for how a story was handled. ACOMAF was released in 2016, so I’ve been holding on to a lot of this for the better part of seven years. I don’t know how many of you were a part of the ACOTAR or SJM community here on Tumblr back in those days but let me tell you. . .it was something else. The fevered Rhysand obsession and worship was WILD. The fans were CUT THROAT and had no mercy. If you even HINTED at the fact that you felt like Rhys was not All That, they came for you and they came hard. I have never been one to engage in ridiculous arguments with strangers on the internet so I kept most of my feelings to myself. It’s giving me immense satisfaction and validation to see so many people begin to express things that are so like minded with how I feel. Keep fighting the good fight!

SO! We’re going to dive deep with this and go back to before the series chronologically even started.

A huge part of why I so strongly dislike Rhysand is that I find it very hard to sympathize with him regarding his time UTM.

Yes, you read that correctly.

Now, I realize that that sentence alone is enough to cause a lot of people to click away from this in disgust immediately. I challenge those people to keep reading and to hear me out. I try and make it a point to back everything I have to say with canon facts and logical sense. One of the fatal (or perhaps not so fatal) flaws I have as a reader is that 99% of the time, I am not able to just let things go and absorb them at face value for the sake of an entertaining story. You can sell me just about anything and I’ll be able to find some enjoyment in it. . .if it makes sense. If something exists in a scenario that is contradictory or just plain illogical, I tend to fixate on it and not be able to let it go (I call this the Ravenclaw in me). Sometimes I almost resent that I’m like this because I feel like it prevents me from just having a good time with literature, but for better or worse, this is the kind of reader I am.

Unfortunately, the ACOTAR series, specifically many things that have to do with Rhys and the Inner Circle, are riddled with things like this. Now, it’s no secret to any SJM reader that Sarah J Maas is OBSESSED with Rhys and the Inner Circle. Like. . .OBSESSED. I’ve truly never seen anything like it from an author. She so plainly and clearly holds these characters on pedestals and believes them to be the best of the best. She also so plainly and clearly works very hard to try and get the readers to feel the same way. This is why I say that SJM is one of the most confusing and frustrating authors I’ve ever read about. She clearly feels this way and wants US to feel this way. So you’d think, if that was her end goal, that she would simply just write characters who really ARE the best of the best and deserve to be on pedestals. Easy, right? She has total control over the actions, thoughts, and words of these characters, every other character, the plot, the narrative, the direction of the entire story. So just. . .write them as being perfect saintly beings, as you so clearly view them as?? You have the power to do this?

But here’s where the confusing and frustrating part comes in: She doesn’t.

Instead of giving us these characters who truly ARE as virtuous and amazing and wonderful as she thinks they are, she instead gives us characters who do horrific, selfish, and highly questionable things across the span of the series and then gaslights her readers by continuing to hold these characters on pedestals and laud them as being The Best In Every Way. . .while their atrocious deeds are sitting RIGHT THERE on the page being completely ignored in every way. It’s one of the most unaware and bizarre things I’ve ever witnessed from an author and honestly, from a group of readers. The amount of people who just blindly accept anything SJM says as Gospel is wild to me. I really don’t understand how people just swallow this stuff and can’t see it for what it is. Open your mind to just an ounce of critical thinking and I really do believe you’ll begin to see things in a new way.

So. . .my point in all that being: SJM clearly wanted us to have a ton of sympathy for Rhys from his ordeal with Amarantha and his time UTM. The scene is set perfectly! Valiant and selfless Rhysand volunteers himself to play Amarantha’s whore in order to keep her attention from the city and the people Rhys loves so much. He lives for 50 years having to “service” a psychotic evil woman who actively tries to bring destruction to his entire country. Horrible, right??? Unthinkable. What he went through!!! What he had to do!!! No one has a selfless heart like he does!!!!

The only problem is. . .this entire scenario has a million holes in it. Let’s explore some of them.

So, when Amarantha returns to Prythian, Rhys heads to her little party without any backup from the IC. He plans to kill Amarantha himself but of course, she tricks all the High Lords and captures their power before this can happen.

Sidenote: This is another thing I can’t stand about Rhysand’s power: We are told over and over and over that he is THE MOST powerful High Lord not just of the seven current High Lords, but in all of Prythian’s HISTORY. In the High Lord’s meeting during ACOWAR (top contender for my least favorite scene of the entire series), Feyre says:

The others, who had been watching with disdain and amusement and boredom, now turned to my mate. Now possessed a shadow of fear in their eyes as they realized who and what, exactly, sat amongst them.

Brethren, and yet not. Tamlin was a High Lord, as powerful as any of them.

Except for the ones at my side. Rhys was as different from them as humans were to Fae.

Okay, first of all:

Second of all. . .once again, we are faced with SJM’s convenient Whatever-I-Need-To-Happen-Will-Happen story telling. She claims that Rhys is as different from all the other High Lords as humans are to fae. And despite this, he still gets tricked and overtaken by Amarantha, the exact same as all the rest of them. His powers were ripped away by that spell just the same as all the others. Being the so-called “Most Powerful High Lord in Prythian’s History” didn’t mean anything in that situation. He’s the mOSt POwerfUL HiGH LOrd iN HiSTORy, but was able to be totally overtaken by Amarantha just like everyone else. Looks like that title really should have gone to HER!

Anyway. . .as Rhys feels his powers being ripped away, we are told that in desperation, he “threw the shield around Velaris”, binding it to my friends so that they had to remain or risk that protection collapsing and used the last dregs to tell them mind to mind what was happening and to stay away”.

What a noble sacrifice right??

INCONSISTENCY ALERT: There were ALREADY spells and protections hiding Velaris and there had been for years!!!!!!

The first time I read Rhys’s explanation of this, I was super confused. SJM tells it like he was the one who created Velaris’s shield and protection right there in this moment. That this act was the only thing that kept it hidden and safe from Amarantha. But like. . .this is not the case!!!!

Don’t believe me??

“Did you even think for one moment,” I said, my voice like gravel, “to extend that luck to anywhere else? Anyone else?”

“Other cities,” he said calmly, “are known to the world. Velaris has remained secret beyond the borders of these lands for millenia. Amarantha did not touch it because she did not know it existed. None of her beasts did. No one in the other courts knows of its existence, either.”

“How?”

“Spells and wards and my ruthless, ruthless ancestors, who were willing to do anything to preserve a piece of goodness in our wretched world.”

(ACOMAF, page 144)

The Velaris Wiki page states:

To preserve it, an ancient High Lord kept Velaris a secret, and so did his descendants. There are many spells on the city itself—laid by him, and his heirs, that make those who trade here unable to say anything about the city and possess the skill to convincingly lie in order to keep the origin of their goods and ships, hidden from the rest of the world. Rumor has it that an ancient High Lord doused his blood upon the stones and river to keep that spell eternal.

And then in ACOMAF, we get:

“I used the remainder of my power to shield them all from sight and sound. I had only enough for one city--one place. I chose the one that had been hidden from history already. I chose, and now must live with the consequences of knowing there were more left outside who suffered. But for those here. . .anyone flying or traveling near Velaris would see nothing but barren rock, and if they tried to walk through it, they’d find themselves suddenly deciding otherwise. And because my powers were focused on shielding them all, Feyre, I had very little to use against Amarantha.”

So, which is it?? Did your ancestors shield and protect Velaris or did you??

Do you see the contradictory writing here?

Again, in ACOMAF:

“You are safe here, and safe anywhere in this city, for that matter. Velaris’s walls are well protected and have not been breached in 5,000 years.”

According to what Sarah J Maas herself has written, the city of Velaris already had extensive wards and protection on it for millennia. The city had been a safe haven from the rest of the world and a complete secret for 5,000 years. So I was very confused as to why it was being made out to be that Rhys made this Grand Ultimate Sacrifice to shield the city and its inhabitants from Amarantha, when this was already the case before this. She wouldn't have touched it because she didn’t know about it. . .words from Rhys’s own mouth!!!!

I’m sure in Sarah’s mind, she just needed to make a way for the IC to not come after Rhys and try and help him, so this is what she came up with. Regardless. . .Velaris already had protection on it that did not rely on Cassian, Azriel, Mor, and Amren. You’re saying that with the last shreds of his power, Rhysand undid centuries old ancient blood protection of his ancestors, created an entirely NEW foolproof protection plan, and bound it to the Inner Circle??

I’d also like to point out that Kallias, High Lord of Winter, did essentially the same thing with Viviane and the Winter Court.

And in those last moments, when his power was ripped from him by that spell. . .Kallias had flung out the remnants to warn her. To tell Viviane he loved her. And then he begged her to protect their people.

So she had.

As Mor and my friends had protected Velaris, Viviane had veiled and guarded the small city under her watch, offering safe harbor to those who made it.

(ACOWAR, pages 410-411)

These situations are exact parallels of each other. Kallias and Rhysand couldn’t protect their entire courts, but they were able to throw shields and protections around the one city where their loved ones were. The Winter Court was ravaged by Amarantha’s troops, we know this from the story. But evidently, this one city where Viviane was remained protected. And in this situation, I have infinitely more respect for Kallias than I do for Rhysand.

Rhysand claimed he became Amarantha’s whore in order to keep enemies from looking too closely at who he really was and who he loved. He serviced her in bed and committed atrocious deeds in her name for 50 years. All this, he claimed, to protect Velaris and his loved ones.

So please explain to me how Kallias was able to do the same thing. . .WITHOUT doing Amarantha’s dirty work.

As I said, I know fully well that the Winter Court in general was not spared by Amarantha. We all read about the children who had their minds wiped (conveniently by some OTHER daemati who we never learn about or hear about ever again). It sounds like Amarantha tried her hardest to destroy the Court in general. But remember. . .the Night Court is not exclusively Velaris. If you look at the map of Prythian, the Night Court is huge! It’s the largest of all the Courts. We have no idea what happened to the rest of the Night Court that was outside of Velaris’s protection. Since it’s such a big deal that Velaris is such a whole, untouched city, I’m willing to go out on a limb and say that it probably wasn’t spared any more than the rest of Prythian was. So it stands to reason that both the Night Court and the Winter Court had one city that remained protected while the rest of their Court was destroyed.

Even further than that. . .it is specifically stated that Viviane offered shelter and protection to anyone who made it to that protected city where she was. Kallias begged her to protect their people and she did. It was a city of safe haven for any refugees who could make it there. (Viviane was Prythian’s first High Lady and that’s the tea).

Rhysand KNEW what was happening all throughout Prythian during this time. . .he helped partake in it!!! Did he think to offer the same protection for innocent refugees in Velaris during this time??

We all know the answer.

I’m not saying that Rhys was obligated to do this. In a horrible situation like that, I’m sure many people would enter survival mode and adapt an “every man for himself” mindset. It’s an extremely Slytherin move to make, and I don’t really mean that in a bad way. But at the end of the day, Rhysand prioritized his friend group over every innocent citizen of Prythian.

Kallias and Viviane didn’t do that.

Again, I don’t entirely blame Rhysand for this!! I think a lot of people would have made the same decision!! But just. . .don’t ask me to act like Rhys’s decision was some grand ultimate sacrifice that was more than any other High Lord made. It’s not. SJM, if you want Rhys to be my fave, why are you putting characters in here like K and V who do the more noble and honorable thing??

Kallias didn’t have mind powers where he was able to erase the knowledge of Viviane from every one UTM who knew about her as Rhys did with the Inner Circle. There weren’t already extensive, centuries-old shields and protection guarding the city that she was in. And despite this, he STILL asked her to protect their people, and she kept the city open for refugees who could make it there. AND he remained true to his cause and didn’t do Amarantha’s dirty work for her to “keep people from looking too closely”.

And yet Feyre and everyone else tell us constantly that “no one sacrificed as much” as Rhys. Yeah, no. My respect for Kallias and Viviane is 10000000x greater than Rhysand. Sorry, not sorry.

And this leads me to my next point.

One of the biggest issues I have with Rhys’s time UTM in general, is that his actions are treated by the narrative and the other characters as the MOST sacrificial out of all the High Lords.

As I’ve expressed above, I do not buy this for one second. And I actually find it pretty insulting on behalf of all the other High Lords!!

Rhysand’s choices and actions were entirely self-serving. He did nothing to fight against Amarantha or protect citizens of Prythian in general. It was entirely about his city and his friends. Again, I’m not saying I condemn him for this! It was a horrible situation and this was what he chose to do. People do crazy things for the people they love. But that’s my point. . .it was a CHOICE. He CHOSE to “service” Amarantha. He CHOSE to do her dirty work and commit atrocious deeds in her name. And every choice he made protected no one but the people who were important to HIM. So I’m just not really sure how/why I’m expected to feel the greatest amount of sympathy for HIM, over the other High Lords, many of whom stayed in open rebellion and never aided Amarantha. How easy would it have been for any of the other High Lords to attempt the same thing he did, and pretend to sympathize with Amarantha? Maybe not “servicing” her as Rhys did, but pretending to deflect to her side, doing dirty work for her, in order to attempt to spare their Courts and THEIR loved ones??? Did anyone else do this??? NO.

Rhys says he bows for no one but that isn’t true. He bowed for Amarantha. The other High Lords did not.

The High Lords of Summer, Day, and Winter lost their lives by refusing to submit to Amarantha. (ACOTAR, page 284).

And I’m supposed to have the greatest amount of sympathy for Rhysand??

People talk about how horrible it was for Rhys during those 50 years Under the Mountain. I’m not here to say his life was pleasant. But what I AM here to say is that in comparison to what the other High Lords’ lives were like. . .I find it hard to have MORE sympathy for him than the others.

“If that was what she wanted, then that was what she would get. I made her beg, and scream, and used my lingering powers to make it so good for her that she wanted more. Craved more.”

“For fifty years--whenever I was inside her, I’d think about killing her. She had no idea. None. Because I was so good at my job that she thought I enjoyed it too. So she began to trust me--more than the others. Especially when I proved what I could do to her enemies.”

Rhys is “so good at his job” of killing Amarantha’s enemies (and one assumes that Amarantha’s enemies are, you know, PEOPLE FIGHTING FOR PRYTHIAN AND AGAINST HER OPPRESSION) and so thorough in their sexual acts, that Amarantha begins to trust him. He is allowed certain freedoms that no one else has. He is not trapped for 50 straight years Under the Mountain. In ACOTAR alone, we see him visit the Spring Court three different times. Do you think any of those other High Lords saw daylight even once during those 50 years??

He is clearly allowed to move about as he wants to Under the Mountain. He visits Feyre in her cell several times, seemingly without Amarantha knowing. She is a prisoner of Amarantha, but he’s allowed to do whatever he wants to and with her.

Essentially. . .Rhys lived as a member of Amarantha’s court UTM. He served as her fuck buddy and one of her main attack dogs. To our knowledge he wasn’t tortured, starved, or forced to watch, powerless, as someone or something he loved was dangled over him. High Lords were losing their lives living in open rebellion against Amarantha, while Rhys lived with a level of security that no one else had. I am NOT saying that servicing Amarantha was pleasant for him, obviously it wasn’t. But at the end of the day. . .this was a choice he made. Everyone makes choices and has consequences of those choices. Rhys chose to serve Amarantha in bed and was given a position of power and security that no one else had. The other High Lords chose to openly oppose and resist her and subsequently had to suffer and live in terror with none of the freedom or choices Rhys was given. I honestly fail to see how Rhys’s decision was more valiant than all the rest.

Again, this is NOT me trying to say that Rhys did not suffer at all UTM. I completely acknowledge that he suffered his own type of torment. I just get very sick and tired of him being treated as if he is the Greatest, Most Suffering, and Only Martyr in all of Prythian.

I often say that Sarah writes all of these characters and this entire story in a way that elevates and favors Rhysand, even if in doing so she has people saying and doing things that make absolutely no logical sense. Everything that happens after UTM is a prime example of this.

The fact that the other Courts and High Lords are so quick to trust Rhysand and work so closely with him after the events of UTM is downright ridiculous and makes absolutely no sense. All of them have EVERY reason to be extremely mistrustful, if not openly hostile to him, after what they witnessed for 50 years. I myself do not understand most of his actions during ACOTAR. Let’s dive into all of THAT.

I made a post separately on this, but I’ll still comment on it here. Rhys claims that he “thought” about killing Amarantha the entire time he worked for her. However, he claims:

“I couldn’t use my powers to harm her, and she had shielded herself against physical attacks”.

There’s nothing I hate more than contrived convenient story-telling. To me, this is on the same level as Feyre not being able to have a C-section in ACOSF. We need it to be true, so we’re just going to say it’s true. . .no matter how little sense it makes in this context.

Rhys says that he, the most powerful High Lord ever born, had his power ripped away by Amarantha. On page 520 of ACOMAF he says, “Within a few seconds, my power belonged wholly to Amarantha”.

But does it??? Let’s take a look at all the things Rhys is able to do with his power during his time under Amarantha, without her knowledge or consent:

Uses it to enhance the sexual experience between him and Amarantha, making her beg and scream, and crave him (ACOMAF, page 520)

Broke into the minds of the three fae who cornered Feyre on Calanmai, reshaped their lives, their histories, and then made them confess to Amarantha that they were rebels (ACOMAF, page 523)

“Against my violation, my body straightened, every muscle going taut, my bones straining. Magic, but deeper than that. Power that seized everything inside me and took control: even my blood flowed where he willed it.” (ACOTAR, page 239)

“I couldn’t move. An invisible, talon-tipped hand scraped against my mind. And I knew--one push, one swipe of those mental claws, and who I was would cease to exist.” (ACOTAR, page 239)

Broke into Clare Beddor’s mind when she was captured and took away her pain, told her to scream when she was expected to, then finally slipped into her mind and ended her life (ACOMAF, page 524)

Visits Feyre in her cell UTM and heals her shattered arm completely (where was this power to save her from a C-Section???)

Mentally controls and commands the guards to stay out of Feyre’s cell and not touch her. “If you do, you’re to take your own daggers and gut yourselves. Understood?” Dazed, numb nods, then they blinked and straightened. I hid my trembling. Glamour, mind control--whatever it was he had done, it worked. They beckoned--but didn’t dare touch me. (ACOTAR, page 344)

Enters Feyre’s mind to influence and help her during her second task

Convenient storytelling at its finest. He may not have total control over the full extent of his power, but it is abundantly clear that he definitely has control of some of it! And yet we’re told that Rhys is completely unable to do anything to harm or kill Amarantha, because she holds all his power!! It belonged “wholly to her” as he said! But he’s able to do all of this stuff without her knowledge???

Forget killing her with his power!!! Lysandra killed Arobynn Hamel by slitting his throat in the middle of the night! I’m sorry, I do not find it believable that the Most Powerful High Lord in Prythian’s HISTORY was completely unable to find a way to end this bitch’s life in 50 years, ESPECIALLY when it’s explicitly stated that she allows him certain freedoms and he does things without her knowledge. I just don’t!!!!

So if I’M thinking that. . .what do you think the rest of the people UTM were thinking??? Can you see how they might be very suspicious of him??

In addition to this. . .his actions regarding Tamlin, and eventually Feyre, make zero logical sense in the context of their situation. Let’s take a look at THAT mess.

So Rhysand is suffering in this horrible awful torment, having to play Amarantha’s whore and do evil things for her. He hates every minute of it, he grows to hate himself, he claims.

And in this giant mess, there is only ONE road to freedom for not just him, but for everyone. And that’s Tamlin.

“Then she cursed Tamlin. And my other great enemy became the one loophole that might free us all.”

Rhys knows about the curse. He knows the stipulations and what Tamlin must accomplish. He knows that doing so will free them all.

Wouldn't you then think that he would do everything in his power to attempt to aid and assist Tamlin during the course of those 50 years?????

I know he hates Tamlin by that point anyway, due to the rivalry between their families. But, my God. . .would that really matter at this point?? If me and my entire country were stuck in the position Prythian was in, I don’t really think I’d give a shit who our freedom depended on. It could be my greatest mortal enemy and I’m pretty sure I’d still be like Okay Buddy, let’s do this. I wouldn't say I’d LIKE it. But I’d use whoever I could to get me and everyone else out of that situation.

If Rhysand, the Inner Circle, Velaris, and every other High Fae in Prythian’s lives and futures depended on Tamlin getting a human girl to fall in love with him, I would think Rhysand would be doing whatever he possibly could to further this along and make it happen. Don’t try and say that he couldn’t do it because Amarantha would find out. Rhys WAS able to keep secrets from her and do things she didn’t know about (see my big list up there! ^^) Don’t try and say that he wouldn't risk dropping his Bad Guy Mask because it would make people look “too closely” at him and possibly target Velaris and the IC (I would have a million comebacks to that. As I’ve already said, there were ALREADY extensive shields and protections guarding Velaris and had been for years. Rhys had wiped the knowledge of the IC from the minds of everyone who knew about them. And wouldn't the safer, better option for the IC be that the curse was broken??? So if he really wanted to protect them, this was the #1 thing he should be doing!!!!)

When it became clear to us all in ACOMAF that Rhys was not in fact, really a bad guy, the very first thing I immediately wondered was, “If this were the case, why was he not trying to HELP Tamlin all those years???” If that was their one loophole and their one shot at freedom and ending the nightmare they were in, why on EARTH did Rhys spend 50 years bullying, manipulating, and tormenting the ONE PERSON who had a shot at freeing them??!?!?!?

Rhys tells Feyre in Chapter 54 of ACOMAF:

“I didn’t know. That you were with Tamlin. That you were staying at the Spring Court. Amarantha sent me that day after the Summer Solstice because I’d been so successful on Calanmai. I was prepared to mock him, maybe pick a fight.”

Again, do not tell me that Rhys was a slave to Amarantha so there wasn’t anything he could do. That is NONSENSE. After Calanmai he crafts an entire fabricated story to tell her and brings people he’s mind manipulated into validating what he’s saying.

Instead of offering Tamlin support, or at the very least, leaving him alone, he chooses to terrorize him and his people. He leaves severed heads on the manor house grounds, taunts Tamlin about the curse, and taunts Lucien about his mother and his dead lover. Listen to what he says to Tamlin and Lucien, before he knows Feyre is there:

“What a pity that you must endure the brunt of it, Tamlin--and an even greater pity that you’re so resigned to your fate. You might be stubborn, but this is pathetic.”

“Little Lucien. You certainly gave them something to talk about when you switched to Spring. Such a sad thing, to see your lovely mother in perpetual mourning over losing you.”

“She’s already preparing for you. Given your current state, I think I can safely report that you’ve already been broken and will reconsider her offer.”

This is flat out disgusting behavior. This is the man you want me to have sympathy for, to view as the “better man”. Tamlin and Lucien were even greater victims at this point than Rhys was himself. They were running out of time after desperately fighting a losing battle, with the entire weight of Prythian on their shoulders. Rhys’s actions do not make sense. He is digging his own grave by behaving this way. If he wanted himself and everyone to be free so badly, I’m really not sure why he’s going out of his way to mock Tamlin, make his life difficult, and taunt him about not breaking the curse.

But things don’t stop there! They get even MORE illogical when Feyre enters the picture!!

So once Rhys discovers Feyre’s presence, he immediately picks up on the emotional connection between her and Tamlin. In this situation, I would expect his first reaction to be glee. He didn’t know who Feyre was at that point, other than a girl he’d been dreaming about (and he later reveals that he first believed these dreams meant that she would be the one to save them all). Did anyone really expect Tamlin to break that curse?? Did anyone really expect him to find a human girl with hate in her heart for the Fae and have her fall in love with him?? I don’t think for a minute Amarantha actually believed there was even the slightest chance of this happening, just like she didn’t really believe Feyre had any chance of winning all three of her trials. It’s a mind game, nothing more. But here Tamlin is, on the very brink of meeting the very specific standards set by Amarantha.

But what does Rhys do? Amp up the dramatics to scare Tamlin into sending Feyre back across the wall, therefore ensuring that the curse will never be broken.

His reasoning, he tells us in ACOMAF, is:

“I made Tamlin beg--as Amarantha had made me beg, to show him how powerless he was to save you. And I prayed my performance was enough to get him to send you away. Back to the human realm, away from Amarantha. Because she was going to find you. If you broke that curse, she was going to find you and kill you.”

Um. . .if Feyre breaks the curse, that means that Tamlin gets his powers back. If Tamlin gets his powers back, Amarantha is dead. If Tamlin didn’t do it, certainly one of the other High Lords would have. If you’ll recall, Feyre DOES break the curse and when that happens, Amarantha is dead in literally seconds. Her power isn’t brute strength, it’s trickery. She is no match for Tamlin whatsoever. She literally backs away in fear and pleads for her life. It’s not even a close competition!!! She doesn’t get a single scratch on him!

Now, I will fully admit. . .this was also something I always found kind of dumb on Tamlin’s part as well. It’s seen as this grand act of love that he sends her away and puts her safety before all of Prythian’s but I’ve always been like. . .dude. You were literally A DAY away from getting out of this thing. Tamlin, as a High Lord with his full power returned, really couldn’t shield and protect Feyre in the time it would take him to kill Amarantha? Yes, he wouldn't be able to properly protect her under their current circumstances without any of his real power, but that was the whole point of the curse. . .if Feyre told Tamlin she loved him and meant it, his power would be returned. The way in which he would be able to protect her would not be the same. You’d think at the point they were at, both Tamlin AND Rhysand would be bouncing around like the singing candlestick and clock from Beauty and the Beast trying to woo a confession out of Feyre. Kallias was able to shield Viviane for 50 years while his Court was under direct attack, I have to believe Tamlin could shield Feyre for the very short time it would take him, or any other High Lord, to end Amarantha.

Rhys later says:

“If there was a shot of freeing us from Amarantha, you were it. I thought. . .I thought the Cauldron had been sending me these dreams to tell me that you would be the one to save us. Save my people.”

So. . .if this were the case, wouldn't it make more sense to just get a happy little “I love you” out of her before the 50 years were up? Tamlin and the High Lord’s powers would return and Amarantha would be “bloody ribbons”, as SJM likes to say, in seconds. Which is exactly what happened. All the struggle and strife of her trials UTM totally avoided!!

What I’m essentially trying to say here is that most of Rhys’s actions during this time were in direct contradiction to what he claimed he really wanted. If Tamlin was Prythian’s only shot at freedom for all those years, you’d think he would be trying to secretly aid him in some way, or at the very least, not go out of his way to torment him. If Feyre was in Tamlin’s house, clearly in love with him, and the Curse was expiring in one day, you’d think he’d go back to Amarantha and be like “Nope, sorry, nothing to report” and pray the two of them would get it together for the sake of Prythian.

Essentially, what I’m trying to say here is that I struggle to have a ton of sympathy for Rhys during this time because I feel as if the explanations that are given for his behavior and actions are flimsy and don’t hold up against most arguments. He felt as if he HAD to become Amarantha’s lover and lapdog in order to keep her from figuring things out about his friends and trying to hurt them. . .who were concealed in a city that hadn’t been breached for 5,000 years and the knowledge of them had been wiped from every person who knew them UTM. He “couldn’t” kill or hurt Amarantha because his power belonged “wholly” to her. . .but he was able to use his powers in ways that worked against her without her knowledge or consent about tons of other things. He was so tormented and miserable in his time UTM that he. . .mocked and tormented the one person who had a shot at freeing them all. When he saw that Tamlin was right on the brink of actually breaking the curse he. . .manipulated him into ensuring that it would never be broken. All the while being surrounded by other leaders who did not have the luxury of shielding their loved ones in an anciently protected city, who worked to help all innocent citizens of Prythian, and who were losing their lives over their refusal to submit to an evil tyrant. I have a vastly larger degree of sympathy and respect for these other High Lords than I do with Rhysand. I find Rhys to be either very self-serving, or doing things that seem to directly contradict what he claims he wants. I do not blame any of the High Lords for being wary and mistrustful of him after UTM--it makes perfect sense that they would (but that’s a topic for another section of this rant!). This is a prime example of SJM self-sacrificing through her writing. I can guarantee you I wouldn't feel as strongly about this as I do after hearing it beaten into my head over and over what a noble, selfless, honorable hero Rhys was during this time. I’m sorry, it doesn’t add up to me. Too many holes, too many contradictions. Which, unfortunately, is pretty standard fare when it comes to Rhys.

Remember, this was only Part 1!! Part 2--Why Rhys is actually a terrible High Lord--coming soon!

#acotar critical #sjm critical #anti rhysand #tamlin #kallias #viviane #amarantha

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byeuijoo · 4 months

Text

fake a kiss and heal a heart 𐀔 han dongmin

⠀⠀⠀chapter three. : rain against the window and that thing again.

warnings : nothing particular but one swear word ⋆ word count : 6,516

serie masterlist ✩ boynextdoor masterlist

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ୨ ✩ ୧

AFTER TWO DAY OF RADIO SILENCE, with a simple note left carelessly on your coffee table, you didn't expect any sign from han dongmin. well, it's not like you really care, but just a little. to be honest, you at least expected an apology or a thank you from him after having to drag him to your apartment in the middle of the night, when he was completely drunk. and this words written in a hurry on a not even cute post-it note had failed to satisfy you.

« i just don't understand why he didn't just send me a message, » you explained to your best friend, donghyun, who had been standing there for over two hours listening to you grumble, « it's no big deal to tell me he's home safe and sound, is it? » — donghyun pinched the bridge of his nose, an umpteenth sigh leaving his lips as he tried as hard as he could to braid your hair despite your constant movements. « maybe he's ashamed to have ended up like that in front of you? » he tried to say, his hands gripping your shoulders to hold you in place for a few seconds, but to no avail, as your arms flew through the air only moments later, « it doesn't make any sense ! i wasn't there to judge him. »

donghyun dropped onto the sofa to sit next to you on the floor, while you swiveled around to face him. your puppy-dog eyes met his, and he could see that you were genuinely disturbed by this han dongmin he didn't even know. « listen y/n, » he began to say, running one of his hands through his chestnut hair to reveal his forehead, « i know it's not like you to judge, but i know it because i've known you for years, » a pout appeared on your face as he brought his fingers to your cheek to pinch it like a grandmother would, « he hasn't known you for long, so maybe he thinks he's gone too far in his behavior. »

suddenly thinking about what dongmin might be feeling, you brought your legs up to your chest, wrapping your arms around your knees. resting your chin against your knee, your gaze now plunged into the void, you thought of a way to infiltrate the boy's mind from a distance and find out exactly what was going on in his little head, but the fact that it's clearly impossible to achieve, made you want to scream your frustration into a pillow. watching donghyun get up to go to your kitchen, he offered you a gentle smile, « do you miss him? »

to say you missed him was an overstatement — your relationship wasn't developed enough to use such a term. but you could tell that not having any sign of life from him was worrying you enough to keep you thinking about it all day long. it was actually quite incredible when you thought about it, the way a complete stranger could make you go berserk. but in your defense, you felt you could say that han dongmin seemed closer to you than some of your friends at school. it was easy to talk to him, it was easy to listen to his voice all day and all night long and to understand him, it was fun to analyze him, his antics and to remember all those little details that made him, him. han dongmin was more interesting than your astronomy classes, and oh boi, everyone knows how much you love the stars. he was like a new planet added to your solar system, which you discover little by little and suddenly becomes your favorite. a planet with its own stars and its own black hole — his own little universe that makes up his personality.

closing your eyes and letting a long sigh graze the skin of your knees, a mocking laugh suddenly sent you spinning to the side, your killer gaze resting on your best friend's face. « oh yes, definitely. you miss him. » he says, swallowing his glass of water in one gulp, jumping up and down as he comes back to you. when he dropped onto the sofa, you took the opportunity to give him a gentle punch in the thigh, drawing another laugh from him. « it's not true ! it's not that ! » you retorted in defense, pushing his legs away from you as you frowned, a killer look in your eyes, « it's just that he... he didn't give me my salary ! that's all ! »

obviously, you didn't care about the money. in the end, you were happy to have met him : he had destabilized your daily routine and spiced up your monotonous life, and you'd discovered you could care about more than just your cat. you hadn't even thought for a second about the stupid job he'd contacted you about in the first place. and you knew for sure that donghyun wasn't going to believe a word you said : he knew you only too well to know you weren't a materialistic person. in any case, he saw it in your eyes, hidden in the depths of your pupils, the little sparkle that bathed your gaze every time you heard or spoke the name of this new pretty boy who had come into your life. he had to admit that seeing you so interested was a little disturbing for him : not that your daily life is so difficult, but it's always been hard to get your attention. and the fact that this mysterious boy managed to do so in the space of a single evening, attracted his curiosity to the max. donghyun could sense that han dongmin wasn't just passing through your little world.

« why don't you send him a message first? » he suggested, his fingers playing on the back of your neck as you finally stopped fidgeting. you shrugged at his words, « to tell him what? » you sighed, burying your head in your arms, your eyes suddenly empty and preoccupied, « it's up to him to give me news. »

you didn't think anyone could have such an influence on your heartbeat and mood — let alone a young boy with pretty hazelnut eyes. you've always had complete control over your emotions and feelings, but han dongmin had triggered something in you that made your thoughts fuzzy and your mind askew. not to mention the unknown warmth in your heart every time you recall the vision of his gorgeous smile playing over and over in your head. nor the way your stomach twisted when you dared to kiss him in the madness of the moment, and the fact that he didn't even try to push you away. were you losing it? probably. and it was all a boy's fault. what a shame.

on the other side of town, as the rain lashed violently against the windows of his house, a preoccupied boy pacing up and down in his living room. dongmin was wondering how he should make up for leaving your apartment like a thief the other day, and as usual, jaehyun wasn't the most recommendable friend to give him advice. « you don't understand jaehyun, » dongmin started to say, finally dropping onto the sofa next to his best friend, who was tapping the joystick buttons with ferocity, « i left as if i were afraid to see her. »

« it kind of is, isn't it? » scoffed the other boy, earning him a sharp blow in the shoulder from dongmin. the latter sighed, furiously rubbing his eyes with his fingers, a cry of frustration leaving his lips. he didn't know what to do, but he knew he was in the wrong anyway.

dongmin has never been very good at dealing with people — sometimes even acting weirdly because he's never quite sure of what to do. and even though it was easy with you, he feels like he's walking on eggshells. mainly because he doesn't want to ruin everything, because he feels he's found someone who understands his every feeling, every emotion, every word, every thought. he knew from the very first moment that you weren't like the other people he'd met in the first few years of his life. you seemed so familiar but so unknown at the same time, which is probably what made his actions so confusing.

he wanted to tell you how much the other evening had meant to him, that having been able to share with you all his pain and suffering, had lifted a vital weight from his heart. since that morning, he seemed less preoccupied by his recent break-up than by the fact that he hadn't heard from you in two days. but he was far too cowardly to send you a message, far too ashamed to have fallen asleep in your arms like a child after a few drinks. well, a lot of drinks, in reality, but that's just a detail. the memories of that night, of him, drunk and almost dead, clinging to you because his blood alcohol level was so high, playing over and over again in his head, made him want to hide in his closet and never come out.

« dude, » jaehyun's voice caught dongmin's attention as he watched him between the fingers of his hands, « are you sure that girl, y/n, was just there to make jieum jealous? » — a heavy sigh left the dark-haired boy's lips, and he let his back hit the sofa backrest almost too hard.

dongmin had to think hard about this question. in the beginning, in the beginning, that was really all you were for : be by his side, be pretty, be touchy so that jieum's jealous eyes look at you longingly to make her wish she'd never left him. but he had to admit that something had instantly shake things up inside him the second your smile crossed his eyes. he felt it directly, that little hidden emotion that had tickled his heart from the very first second, even though he had decided to ignore it. so yes, at first, when he found your name on this web site, all he wanted was to blow his savings using you for petty purposes he would probably end up regretting. all he wanted was to get back the first girl he'd loved in his life, even though she'd clearly broken his heart.

but now he found himself constantly thinking of you, daydreaming about the softness of your lips against his and the warmth left on his skin after the passage of your fingers. not forgetting the sound of your comforting voice repeating in his head, as if he were going crazy. it was so easy with you, and it had been a long time since his heart had been set on someone other than his ex-girlfriend. so yeah, after thinking about it, you probably weren't just some girl, but wasn't he getting ahead of himself? it was like blindly throwing himself into the lion's den. maybe he was imagining things after all, maybe he was alone in his madness. what if you'd just been nice to make sure you'd end up with the money he'd promised you? but it wasn't like you at all. because he had seen the sincerity in your eyes, in every word you spoke, looking deep into his soul, with that bewitching smile of which only you had the secret of.

« at first, yes, » dongmin began to say, while his best friend left the joystick to the side and turned his full attention to the boy, « i just wanted jieum back. » his gaze wandered into the void and an understanding smile appeared on jaehyun's face. he knew only too well how much dongmin had suffered from the breakup, he had seen all the tears the black-haired boy had shed, and the number of sleepless nights that had followed that day. it was horrible to see, because he felt powerless — he couldn't find a way to comfort him, to take his mind off things, to help him forget jieum and her hurtful words. it was like trying to help someone who didn't want help : mission impossible.

but even if dongmin thought jaehyun never understood anything, he was the only one who could see what was going on right in front of his eyes. jaehyun had seen his best friend change overnight, from the depressed little guy who cries all the time, to the young boy worried about whether the girl who comforted him hated him or not. despite everything, he knew dongmin by heart : so he immediately noticed that dongmin's heart was healing little by little. thanks to you. and he didn't know how you'd managed to get his head above water in such a short time, when he'd been trying for weeks to no avail. was it the growing power of a new heart in love? or were you just some kind of good witch who could heal broken hearts? he didn't know if you had magical powers or if dongmin had let you slip into his heart without realizing it, but he knew he'd be eternally grateful to you for getting his best friend out of that dark period of his life.

« but now.. » dongmin's resumption of his speech drew jaehyun out of his thoughts, prompting him to place one of his hands on his best friend's shoulder, « i can't stop thinking about her. » — it was an unexpected confession. well, the fact that he said it with such ease was unexpected, but jaehyun had already suspected as much. it wasn't hard to read dongmin's mind after so many years of rubbing shoulders with him. he'll never stop thanking his mother for having been friends with dongmin's mother for years. « i can see that, buddy, » affirmed jaehyun, catching the gaze of his friend, who seemed far too preoccupied with a problem that wasn't a problem at all, « and that's a good thing. »

« and how can you be sure of that? » asked the lost young boy, preoccupied with so many things that his head was beginning to hurt. he only had unfounded doubts, because he knew deep down you wouldn't hurt him, but what if he's got it all wrong? and if you don't like him at all in the end? but fortunately for him, jaehyun knew how to change his mind. « i can see that you're feeling better for some time now, » dongmin's lost eyes seemed to be looking for the slightest flaw in his words, but there was nothing he could contradict, which gave jaehyun the opportunity to finish his sentence, « and it's thanks to her. »

he was probably right. he was the one who had put up with all his mood swings, all his crying and resentment, for weeks on end, without ever complaining about it. he'd listened to him talk for hours, even if his words were sometimes incomprehensible, he alone had seen the evolution of dongmin's behavior since his breakup. so, who better to say that all you brought him was healing and a spark of new love, than him? nobody.

« do you think i should call her? » dongmin asked hesitantly, his eyes searching everywhere for his cell phone. only to have jaehyun shake it in front of his eyes, a victorious smile on his face, and a lighter heart at the knowledge that someone was able to heal his best friend. « hell no bro, you shouldn't call her. you HAVE to call her. »

coming back from your side of town, and even if continuing to brood all day seemed tempting to you, you definitely couldn't keep twiddling your thumbs while drowning donghyun in your incessant complaints. maybe going out would be good for you after all — well.. if we put aside the fact that it was raining cats and dogs outside. maybe going to the cinema was the solution to all your problems? your mama always told you “nothing ventured, nothing gained”. funny. « i really need to get him out of my head, » you sighed heavily, suddenly straightening up in a abrupt gesture that surprised the boy beside you, « since when do i let someone control my mood? »

a big smile spread across your best friend's lips as he nodded, raising his fists in the air to encourage you. you gave him a big smile of your own, pacing back and forth in your apartment while looking for something to wear to go out, « would you like to go to the cinema? » you offered, shouting from your bathroom as you rummaged through your drawers for a pair of earrings, « i want to see the new film that came out the day before yesterday. »

« what's the title? » he asked, his eyes following your silhouette with an amused look on his face. you suddenly stopped in your tracks, your eyes riveted to the sky, your brows furrowed, and your hands busy trying to hook your earring. you definitely can't remember the title, but since you're amazing and you knew you'd possibly — surely — going to forget it, you wrote it down on your phone. « take my phone, i wrote it down in my notes, » you declared, walking back to your room and putting on a different pair of pants than the jogging you were wearing, « take the opportunity to buy our tickets online while you're at it ! »

slipping one of your legs into your jeans, you were cut off by donghyun, « uh y/n.. » he said, unsure of himself, « someone is calling you. » frowning, you shrugged and told him to answer for you, starting the process of putting on the second leg of your pants. « are you sure about that..? » he asked, further arousing your curiosity. he usually has no trouble picking up the phone for you — so why is he so uninterested in doing it today?

« why? who's calling? » you end up asking, way too intrigued by his change in behavior. « ..han dongmin. » he said as naturally as possible, making you lose your balance, fall on the ground before running half-dressed into your living room to grab your phone like you've just won the lottery. taking a deep breath under donghyun's terrified but amused gaze, you finally pick up the phone and bring it to your ear, « hello? »

after a few seconds' silence, dongmin's voice finally rang out from the other side of the phone. you couldn't hide the smile that sprang to your lips at the sound of his voice, which seemed to make your heart skip a beat. « hey, y/n? how are you? » he asked, and you could hear the smile on his lips from the way he spoke. dropping you next to donghyun, the latter pressing his ear against your phone to hear your conversation, you placed one of your cold hands against your cheek to prevent it from heating up. « i'm good, i'm good, thank you. what about you? » you replied, glancing at your best friend who kept wiggling his eyebrows up and down to tease you.

« i'm good too, » he replied, before his voice became less playful, as if he was afraid to let the next words leave his mouth, « uh, are you at home right now? are you busy? » — his question was unexpected, to say the least, but you'd hoped he'd call you so much you couldn't tell him you were just about to go out. so without leaving any doubt, you shook your head negatively, even though you knew he couldn't see you, « yes i'm home, and no, i'm not busy. why..? »

« can i come? » he asked, and you swore your stomach had never twisted as much as it did at that very moment. glancing at donghyun, you saw him nod positively with a small smile, telling you he understood perfectly. this was probably your chance to see him again and prove to him that you weren't angry at him for running away the other day. then, in a voice more than convincing, you gave him your answer, « of course. of course you can come. »

that's what led you to push donghyun out of your apartment the minute after your call ended. « so that's it, you're firing me for another man? » with a mocking laugh and pushing against his back with all your might, you gently struck his shoulder blade, « oh shut up ! you know you'll always be my favorite, but for now, please get out of here ! » — a scoff leave his lips, as he pivoted so you fell headfirst into his arms in the process, so he could place a kiss on the top of your forehead. « i'm just joking. have fun with your little boyfriend. » he added as he ran away, waving his hand in the air in farewell. « HE'S NOT MY BOYFRIEND ! » you managed to scream before slamming the door, looking all around you to tidy up your apartment and make it a little more presentable.

but you should probably finish getting dressed first.

finishing putting on your pants before running to find a sweater to put on your back, you were quickly distracted by your little cat sleeping peacefully on your mattress. he looked so small on your big bed, it made you want to spend all your time admiring him as if he were the most beautiful work of art in a museum. so you looked at the time on your watch, telling yourself that a few minutes caressing the top of his head couldn't hurt — but timing wasn't one of your strong points, especially when it came to your pet. and very soon, the only thing that got you out of your love bubble with your cat was the ringing of your front doorbell.

« oh shit. » you swear, placing a hand against your chest as if to slow the beating of your panic-stricken heart, which had just had a fright. looking around, you hit your forehead a little too hard blaming your constant failure to finish what you've started, before walking up to your entrance, glancing through the hole in the door to see dongmin's patient face. taking a deep breath, you unlocked the door, your eyes instantly locking with his as soon as he was in your field of vision. his hair and jacket were wet from the rain that kept falling outside but he looked even more pretty to you like this. « hi. » he said quietly, a smile appearing on his lips and his shoulders seeming less tense instantly. and you watched him, with all the gentleness in the world and a smile so comforting that his heart missed a beat, « hi. » you replied softly.

without knowing why, you both stood there for long minutes staring into each other's eyes without saying a word. it was as if you'd been apart for many years, and had only just found each other again — the need to memorize that long-lost face. but the sound of your neighbor's door brought you out of your trance. clearing your throat as you shifted to let him in, you pointed to your living room, inviting the dark-haired boy into your home. silently thanking you for the invitation, dongmin got rid of his shoes before accompanying you to the living room, scanning the room with his eyes. everything seemed strangely familiar, although his memories were hazy. but one thing he was sure of was the quality of your sleeping couch.

« it's really nice here, » he said quietly, approaching your sofa, running his fingers over the backrest, « it's like being at home. » — without realizing it, dongmin had just sent a powerful shiver down your spine, not to mention your heart, which was racing like crazy in your chest. nodding positively while looking everywhere but in his direction, you walked slowly to your bathroom, « i'll get you a towel, you know.. to dry your hair. i'll be right back. » — and without giving him time to reply, you hid behind the door of your shower room, trying to calm your panic-stricken heart.

biting your lower lip and trying not to make too much of a fuss over a simple little sentence, you couldn't help but be flattered that he felt at home with you. well, at least in your apartment. rummaging through your cupboard, you pull out a blue clean towel before glancing into your living room, spying on your guest's behavior with the utmost discretion. he was busy looking around — a smile playing on his lips from time to time, and you couldn't help admiring his face focused on the paintings on your wall. in some flashback replaying in your mind, you thought back to the other night, when he practically passed out on your couch. his nose reddened, his mouth in an adorable pout, and his pretty brown eyes closed, letting the shadow of his lashes dance on the apples of his cheeks. you'll probably never forget the sight of hi soothed face after such an awful evening lulled by sadness.

deciding to come out of hiding at last, you pushed the door open a little too loudly, attracting his attention. seeing your panicked face and hands tapping the door as if to apologize to it, a crystalline laugh left his lips, which made you laugh in turn as you joined him. « come here, » you say softly, unfolding the towel and offering him a gentle smile, « i'll dry your hair. »

simply nodding, hoping you didn't notice the slight shyness that had settled on his cheeks, dongmin leaned a little towards you, making it easy for you to slide the towel over his head. gently rubbing his hair from side to side, dongmin couldn't help but observe you attentively. his concentrated eyes were fixed on your face, exploring every detail of your skin as if he were seeing you for the first time. from the delicacy of your eyes, to the curves of your nose, sliding down your cheeks to end up memorizing the shape of your lips, which had already tasted his.

apart from jieum, you were the first girl to have the opportunity to kiss him. and the difference with you was that he couldn't forget the way your lips had mingled with his.. from the sweet, slightly alcoholic taste they had, from the softness and comfort of your kiss, to the tingling in his cheeks from beneath your fingertips. it was the first time a kiss had shaken him up so much, the first time his heart fluttered every time he replayed the scene in his mind. dongmin knew deep down that you weren't just any girl — and certainly not one he'd let slip through his fingers. but maybe he was getting too far ahead of himself, maybe he was just looking for warmth and affection. that's why a certain barrier stood between him and the possibility of trying to win a piece of your heart. all he wanted to do was not hurt you or give you the impression that he was using you to heal his freshly-bleeding wound. but the temptation to slip his long fingers around your waist and feel your warmth mingle with his was becoming more and more constant.

« thank you, » he whispered, his pupils rising from your lips to your eyes, which, by the way, didn't escape you, « for the party. for the other night. for everything. from the bottom of my heart y/n, thank you. »

you didn't dare say anything at first, your hands stopping all movement in his ebony hair simply to concentrate on his serious face. his eyes carried a certain sincerity that had the gift of shaking you from the inside. the words were pronounced naturally, in a whisper similar to a secret he wanted only you to know. his voice had a way of soothing your thoughts, his particular tone and way of expressing himself made you feel as if you were on a collision course with a cloud. he had just thanked you for nothing, but it was as if his words implied something much deeper. probably tired of having your arms in the air, your hands unconsciously fell on his shoulders, your eyes juggling from one to the other. with a sincere, pretty smile hanging on your lips, you spoke in turn, the sound of your voice awakening the butterflies previously asleep in his stomach, « helping you was a pleasure for me, dongmin, you don't need to thank me. »

it was inexplicable what he felt at the very moment his name rolled off your tongue and into his ears. for years, you were for sure the only one to call him that — apart from his mom. all his friends used a nickname he'd picked when he started high school, one that was supposed to make him cooler. but you just called him by his real name, and it made him melt. running his tongue over his lower lip, he caught the trajectory of your eyes, which left his for a split second to catch a glimpse of his movement. and once again he felt his heart racing in his chest, as if it were the green light he was waiting for to let his desires drift back to his dreams. plunging his eyes back into yours, dongmin watched you for a long time without saying a word, trying to memorize every hint of color in your gaze. you were so pretty.

« y/n, » he began to say, so quietly that, at first, you thought you'd imagined it, « can you do that thing again? »

blinking while frowning, your hands, previously clenched into fists, suddenly resting fully against his shoulders, you tilted your head to the side, trying to understand his request. that thing again? what was he talking about? your hand grazing the skin of his shoulder sent a shiver down his spine, which led him to move slightly closer to you, subtly. « what thing..? » you asked softly, searching for the answer hidden in the features of his face, in his slightly flushed cheeks or in the corner of his lips. but instead of using words at first, dongmin decided to act and give you more clues.

grabbing your wrists, he gently brought your hands up to his face, the sensation of your cold fingers half-camouflaged by the sleeves of your sweatshirt made him shiver. his face now caged in your hands, dongmin shyly tugged at your top to pull you a little closer to him, your faces more than a few centimetres apart. far too hypnotized to say or do anything, your eyes wouldn't leave his for a fraction of a second — you'd rather break your ankle in a fall than miss the gleam of sunlight in his pretty, bewitching hazel eyes. after securing your position in his arms, his own hands clasping your waist the second after, he shifted his pupils to your lips. « that thing. with your lips.. » he whispered tenderly, meeting your gaze again, « the same thing as at the party. »

and suddenly, the red thread met the blue thread, and the innuendo took on its full meaning. your distraught eyes, unsure of what he meant, juggled from one of his eye to the other, looking for the slightest flaw in his words. but there was nothing behind it — nothing except a sincerity you now knew all too well. his eyes seemed almost pleading, hoping you'd grasped his idea without him having to admit it more clearly. you remained speechless, as if this scenario of you kissing him again, for real, and this time not to make his ex girlfriend jealous, was impossible. unbelievable. in what world did you have the right to kiss han dongmin just because he, and you, wanted to? it was a bit crazy, and your heart racing in your chest seemed to be in the same state as your thoughts. you couldn't believe your ears. but you weren't about to push him away — the boy had occupied far too much of your thoughts lately for you to dare say no. especially when his way of doing things is as cute, pretty and unique as he is. this was your chance to satisfy a craving you'd had since that party, and you were pretty sure that the taste of the black-haired boy alcohol-free lips was even more addictive.

but, faced with your lack of response, dongmin began to panic — had he just done the worst thing possible? and if your heart didn't want the same thing in the end, had he just broken any chance of keeping you close to him even as a friend? you felt his shoulders tense under your fingers, which finally brought you out of your thoughts.

placing your hands a little more firmly on dongmin's cheeks, you gently pulled his face closer to you. you felt his fingers cling firmly to your sweatshirt, as if he was afraid of waking up from a dream. but yet, the fabric of your top and your fingers were indeed caressing his skin, and the scent of your perfume was indeed tickling his nostrils. you were indeed right there in front of him, within reach of his hands and sight of his eyes. it was your voice that had whispered his name a few seconds earlier, and your pretty bright smile that had greeted him a few minutes earlier.

you weren't a dream, you were his reality.

and this was confirmed when he finally felt your lips touch his, and all the emotions of the last time crackled inside him again. it was soft, shy at first — almost, hesitant, as if you were waiting for confirmation that this was what he wanted you to do. his heart was racing, and yours at the same time, was beating so fast that you were afraid it would explode in your chest. it was a delicate, good feeling, even if it seemed to hurt. it was a soft pain, the kind that, in its misfortune, brings you nothing but good. then after a few seconds, the boy moved away from you, by a few millimetres, only to tilt his head to the side to gain better access to your lips, which he already seemed addicted to.

and this time, after his desperate gaze met yours, the shyness was gone, to be replaced by the impatience that camouflaged the desire. his arms tightened around your waist to press your body against his, the towel previously on his head falling delicately to the floor, as tree leaves fall to the ground in autumn. your hands on his cheeks left his skin only to encircle his neck, kissing him even harder after that. closing your eyes to make the most of it, you feel an electric field throughout your body — it was inexplicable, but it was real. every sensation crackling in your belly, in your heart and on your fingertips, was real.

the rain crashing violently against the window next to you, gave a musical background to your kiss. it was like in the movies : tender but passionate, like a hesitant first kiss that eventually becomes a confident one, bringing warmth to your beating hearts. your lips seemed made to tangle with his as the pressure on your mouth increased, taking your breath away and making your legs weak. it was a kiss so desperate it broke your heart — but you could feel that he was anything but banal, anything but insincere. han dongmin wanted to kiss you. it wasn't forced, it wasn't a strategy or a crappy plan, it was a real kiss. hesitant, capable of breaking as easily as a thin sheet of ice in winter, but warm as a summer sun and as poetic as a love letter.

maybe it wasn't such a good idea to let yourself be guided by the crazy dance his perfectly shaped lips were teaching you. maybe it wasn't such a good idea to let him make your heart beat fast like crazy just by the feeling of his hands clinging to you. maybe it wasn't such a good idea to ignore the butterflies in your stomach and the warmth throughout your whole body just by holding him so close to you. maybe you'll end up broken in the end, maybe he'll use your weakness to heal his wounds. maybe he'd make your heart explode and let tears roll down your cheeks even after you'd chased away his — maybe, maybe, maybe. a lot can happen after a few stolen kisses, but you can remake the world with maybes. then your heart, head and mind decided to give the present moment a chance, and let the addictive sensation of his lips devouring yours have a chance to last longer.

and maybe dongmin was clumsy, maybe he didn't really know what slippery slope he was currently on. and yes, maybe he was always sad because of jieum. maybe it was true, that he wasn't cured, that he still needed time to lick his wounds and get his head straight. but maybe it was true, the way he felt his heart float every time he was near you, maybe it was true the fact that he had sweaty palms and a racing heart every time you got a little too close to him. maybe it was true that the nickname he gave you on his phone was a glimpse of the future reality he wished for, maybe it was true that he was craving another taste of your lips since day one, maybe he really wanted to feel the warmth of your skin under his fingers and see your face disoriented for a split second as he pulled away to catch his breath, before kissing you even more intentionally, nearly knocking you off your feet. maybe he really wanted that reality where you're the person his heart will end up belonging to. it was still too early to say for sure what he wanted, and what his heart would grant him — but what he could say for a fact, was that he thought of nothing but you.

han dongmin may not have been good for your heart for now, but you were definitely good for his.

⠀

reblogs & feedbacks are highly appreciated !

taglist ౨ৎ @leehanist @hikarii02 @lsmble @wtfhyuck @kjwnsz @en-dream @trashcigs @sulkygyu @florainnie @dazzlingligth @yuma-is-mine @mewhenwonbin

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mrs-monaghan · 5 months

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I need advice, please, you never answer my asks, even though you do with tkkrs spewing lies and hate. Please, I used to love every Jikook interaction, but since a while ago, I can't do it without thinking about how 99% of the fandom are tkkrs and hate JM. I want to enjoy their moments like you do, but it hurts so much to see all the hate JM receives. Sometimes I wonder if JK is worth it...like JM would be free if he dated someone else...tkkrs only want JK to be TH's sex toy, and if JM is with someone else, at least we could enjoy Jikook even if it's them just being friends. Or JK could shut tkkrs up sometime and try to defend Jimin...I gave up on TH confirming Jennie, he's a coward and doesn't want to lose his fans (tkkrs), so he's going to keep doing fanservice namedropping JK everytime he needs it... please, what is your secret? how can I enjoy jkk again? why are there so many people that believe JK is TH's boyfriend if JM is the one he loves? really, everything is so frustrating. Poor JM, I'm tired

Maybe I dont answer your asks because you say things like "maybe Jimin should find someone else" Matter of fact, let it be known to everyone: I delete all such asks. Or any asks that sound remotely like anti JK. Jimin loves who he loves. He is head over heels for this man. Get with the programme or move the fuck on. Coz your fav aint never gonna drop JK just coz u want him to. And I personally figure that is common sense. So anytime I get an ask saying JK doesn't deserve Jimin I don't even finish reading that shit. I delete. So I'm sorry you're upset anon, but if this is how u talk everytime then that's why I have never answered u.

That being said, anon pointed out how I have time to reply to antis n tkkrs. I'm sure some of u who have sent me good Jikook asks probably wonder the same thing. Why does she reply to them but hasn't answered my ask from months ago? This is a fair question. Apart from my current situation 🤰🏽 I may not have time sometimes. And some of your asks require research. Some of your asks are so good they deserve time and thought put into them. Meanwhile insulting a piece of vermin or an anti is easy. I don't have to think when talking smack to these assholes. I don't need to research anything. Plus its very satisfying and takes 0 effort on my end. So that's why it seems like I prioritise them.

Answering a good ask and answering it properly, could take all day sometimes. As much as I love doing it, it requires a lot of time and effort. So yeah, incase any of u was frustrated about how u sent a good ask a long time ago and yet I seem to have time for antis, thats why. That, and people who send links. Those asks are easy n take no time at all.

I'm sorry guys. Really.

But anon, u asked for advice on how to enjoy Jikook moments despite the existence of tkkrs.

I will start by taking you back to this post I made when all hell broke loose that one time. It is incredibly important that people remember: your feelings are not Jimin's. This is the man who in 2018 was sent a death threat and he said that Armys were more worried about this person than he was. That he was alright and that no one should worry.

Quickly, lets pay attention to this part one more time

His fans were more concerned than he was. I do believe this to be the case 1000% right now too. You are more worried about the vermin than he is. You are more worried about Jikook antis, than he is. He doesn't care. If he cared he would pull away from JK. If he cared we wouldn't be getting a Jikook documentary. If he cared why would be continue providing Jikook content despite knowing some people will not receive it very well??? Despite knowing there are people who wanna kill him for hanging with JK?

If he cared we would be starved for moments on official content. He would keep away from JK if antis were affecting him. Period. There is no "poor Jimin." He's more than okay.

Anon, my advice is to keep this in mind. This is what I do. Jimin doesn't care, so neither do I.

So instead I laugh at them and mock them because they are just wasting their time and energy. No amount of hate and death threats are gonna stop Jimin from loving those he loves. And this is the truth.

Plus, why be concerned with people who believe members hate each other? Like in what world does that make sense?? Anon, you have seen the fuckery i share on this blog. These people are brainless and stupid. As we speak they claim that wasn't JK with Jimin in Tokyo. How can u take such people seriously??? I know I don't. I can't. For me to even consider the shit coming out of your mouth you have to make sense and tkkrs dont make any fucking sense.

So my advice, this is up to you and you only. Its is up to u to treat these people like the mental cases they are; by not taking them seriously. Report, block and move on. Go watch a happy Jimin compilation or something. If u can't take the hate, then unfollow all report pages, mute key words, stay on the clean side of twitter. Believe u me, it exists. Curate your timeline anon, it is possible. Even on twitter.

I promise you Jimin does not care. He used to but he sure as hell doesn't anymore. You remember this crucial part, and you will be able to enjoy Jikook in peace.

Plus, if you've been paying attention to JK, you will notice he doesn't feed tkkrs. He really doesn't. Not like in the past. And the dude has made it clear he doesn't like them... not even a little bit. And can u blame him? Look at you and how u feel. Now imagine JK, Jimin's boyfriend seeing this hate. Imagine how he feels. You can tell he ain't about tkkrs. Especially this year. Even they know it and so they rely on V for tkk content. (Denying them moments is the most JK can do. Interfering or trying to shut them up wouldn't work. If it didn't work with V, twice, it won't work with JK either)

This is the only advice I can give u. Hope u heed it. Because no one deserves their BTS experience taken away from them. Xoxo

#ask shaz #bts ask #jimin antis #jikook antis #jimin #set me free #set me free pt.2 #jikook

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akookminsupporter · 1 year

Text

THIS IS FOR THE HATERS, FOR KPOPPIES, FOR THE SOLO STANS AND FOR THE FUCKING OT6.

If you want to leave after this post, be my fucking guest.

FUCK YOU ALL. GO TO THE FUCKING HELL YOU CAME FROM. YOU BUNCH OF ENVIOUS, TALENTLESS ASSHOLES. ROT IN HELL.

I think that pretty much sums up how I feel. I'm sick of it. I'm fucking sick of the treatment Jimin gets online from a bunch of envious, selfish, stupid people who can't stand the fact that Jimin is bigger than all their fucking favs combined. Yes, I said it and I stand by it.

I don't know what the point of this post is, at the moment I just want to vent and try to put into words the frustration, anger and sadness I feel.

When it was announced that Jimin would be releasing his first solo EP many of us braced ourselves for what was to come. What was meant to be a moment of complete happiness also turned into something we dreaded. Many of us knew that it wouldn't be easy, that many would doubt, criticise and attack Jimin even for the way he holds the microphone, but as always, reality overcame fiction.

When the agency announced the schedule of activities on the road to the release of the album, the problems started, but at that time, the problems were purely internal.

Solo stans and OT6 started to complain, to accuse of favouritism and injustice. They complained that the releases of JIB, The Astronaut and Indigo were unfair, conveniently forgetting everything the guys did during their releases, but the fact that Jimin decided to make a more typical BTS schedule, shall we say, didn't sit well with them.

As more information came out about Jimin's solo moves, more complaints were heard from sectors of the fandom or social media, mainly Twitter to no one's surprise. Even though deep down it was all fear, Park Jimin was coming and they knew he would take the industry by storm.

The closer it got to D-Day, the more chaos ensued. There were complaints and accusations about Jimin-centric accounts, there were complaints about donations and much more. The fact that other members put out content during all that time somehow made everything even tenser.

Amidst all the chaos, discussions and so on, millions of us were excited because we knew that what was to come was going to be big.

I think I've said it several times in this blog but I've always believed that Jimin and Jungkook have the potential to have a huge solo careers. They are mainly always breaking records and setting new ones. They have something else, that makes them successful, by this, I don't mean that other members won't be because they have already proven that they are, they have achieved almost everything as BTS and it is obvious they will do the same as solo artists! But Jimin and Jungkook are different. Their popularity in the charts proves it and their popularity with the locals or the general public too and I know that's what scares a lot of people.

Finally, the wait was over and Set Me Free Pt. 2 came out. That song and that MV wasn't something we expected, but it was something we needed and it was what it took to make the haters, kpoppies, Solo stans and OT6 tremble. If this is what the re-release was like, what would the album be like?

SMFPT2 came in breaking records. Fans and Locals loved the song and the MV. We were all surprised, but at the same time proud that Jimin was showing the world what kind of artist he is and what he can do. For a long time, many talked about his duality, now it was time to talk about his versatility as an artist.

And then the album arrived.

When the album FACE has finally released the fandom responded as it should. Support was seen from day one, or at least support from those who mattered. The OT6 and the Solos Stans kept complaining, but their bullshit was buried by the emotion, love and pride we all felt for Jimin. But after that, a bigger enemy showed its face: The industry.

The problems have been the same ones BTS has always encountered: Hanteo, Spotify, YouTube and bloody kpoppies.

What happened with the 3 companies mentioned above is ridiculous. What's still going on with those companies is stupid and it's all happening in broad daylight without anyone other than the fandom saying anything is insane. BTS is indisputably the biggest music group in the world, but still, the industry feels apathy about them. Still, the industry is afraid to see them succeed. Whether as a group or as solo artists.

Jimin particularly generates fear in all of them because he is extremely popular... with the general public and that is something that many don't dare to acknowledge. Jimin not only has ARMY as fans, he also has the power to attract fans from the general public. Jimin showed that he has the talent to break down barriers and that scares a lot of fans because their favs are not capable of that. And that is precisely the problem.

Jimin is a person who works quietly but shows loud results. And that scares a lot of people. All the hate we are seeing against him on the net is nothing but fear and envy. Park Jimin is here to stay.

The accusations of payola and favouritism came back with a vengeance. Criticisms of his talent and attempts to oti7ify his achievements and his work have come out like hotcakes from all sides. The anger and envy of many have been shamefully evident and the lower they all fall, the higher Jimin goes.

Finally, what has happened in the last few days with kpoppies is despicable but not entirely surprising. Before they had to fight with only one group, now they have to fight with 7 individual artists. They were angrier with Jimin because he is breaking all the records. Because he is everywhere and because the people, the general public, love him. And because Jimin's mere existence annoys them and that goes for OT6 and Solo stans too. Jimin is not perfect, but hell, he has the merits to be.

Jimin will continue to win, he will continue to break records, he will continue to sign lucrative contracts and if we're lucky, he will continue to give us great music and while Jimin does all that, his haters will continue to be a bunch of pathetic, envious people whose only aspiration is for someone to Like and comment on one of their stupid posts.

The chances of breaking more records on Billboard are scary but hopeful. Whatever the outcome Jimin worked very hard for his album. He trusted us with his thoughts and emotions and we will always be grateful for that. The effort that the fandom has made all these days is admirable, the fight that the US and Puerto Rican fans have put up is incredible and we hope to see the reward soon.

I understand that it's frustrating, this post started with me writing my frustration, but I also understand that karma is real and that Jimin's karma, bts karma is powerful. And although it is infuriating and sometimes discouraging, we must always remember that there is a person in Korea, in the city of Seoul who understands us.

#Jimin #jiminphobics #bts solo careers #rosie's thoughts

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niftykin · 5 months

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Summary: Different ways he show his affection towards you oftenly

Characters: Azul Ashengrotto

Word Count: 320 characters: 1616

A/N: Small thing i made for @caspirino because he doesnt answer to me anymore (hes busy), there is no pronouns specified, use of you, You're yuu/magicless

AZUL ASHENGROTTO

Azul isnt one that enters much on showing you off, even tho he wants to and does so everytime he can, its not possible that he could be always with you since he has work to do. For that he can't save you from every danger on the world you two reside.

It frustrates him to see that you can get hurt or be on dangerous situations without his embrace of protection, he likes to be the one that assures your safety, he takes good care of you, oftenly asking Jade to acompany you anywhere he feels there could be something negative happening since he does know that he cant control your decitions and its up to you to go anywhere you want and he supports it totally with his own ways to make himself sure that you are safe and you will come back to him once again without any harm.

He really doesnt trust Floyd at all for this kind of works, he knows that floys is super irresponsible with anything that has to do with safety, and even tho he cares for his friend he already knows what he is doing, and he does have a magic that can protect him in case of any harm, but you're not, your almost an easy prey for this twisted world full of bad people with magic.

He really wants you to be secure, for that he will always try to be the longest time with you, even if it is in classes, at the mostro longue, when the people itself see that he is dating you it makes you get well respected and they wont try to mess with you often, but when they do its just people trying to get azul at his lowest, and the tweels take care of it quickly, it is normal for those situations that you never hear or see that person ever again.

Sweet mafious prince charming

My pinned post is here if you want to request something!

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goodboyaudios · 1 month

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Hello! My name is Grim, and I fancy myself a bit of a researcher. Now, this is not for anything important or extremely serious. Instead, this is mostly for my own pure enjoyment and something I have in the works that is to be posted on Tumblr. You are not obligated to answer any or all of these questions I have posed. I know it’s a bit much. Take your time, but don’t feel obligated to do anything. Feel free to add any additional input! Thanks for your consideration!

1. How different do you think your work would be, in terms of getting across a point, in a different medium thats not Audio RP?

2. How do you think your work would be different if it more reflected main stream industry forms of storytelling where you as a creator would be more separate? (ex. movies, tv shows, games, etc.)

3. How important do you find the voice acting in your work?

4. You are the primary voice of your works. Would you consider taking a step back from voice acting in your work to focus on narrative work?

5. Do you believe your own individual ability to voice characters enhances the story overall?

6. Do you enjoy the idea of a “Listener character” or would you better prefer to not have one?

7. As a writer, how does the writing of the Listener take you out of your comfort zone? (ie their effect in relationships, plot movements, etc.)

8. Is Audio RP your favored form of art?

9. How do you believe Audio RP differs from main stream forms of art/entertainment?

10. Do you believe that your work has over arching themes that relate to you personally? (very optional)

Sure! I'm happy to answer some questions!

I think with the addition of a visual medium it would most definitely be significantly easier, yes.

Well, I can't say for sure. I could explain for hours about how mainstream media forces a creative to conform their work within often-times hostile parameters. Nevertheless, I'd be blessed with the opportunity to try. That being said, I have a lot more creative freedom here on Youtube than anywhere else, at least by my standards.

I think it's very important. Conveying enough emotion without the added visuals means that it is ALL DOWN to vocal performance.

I am typically the primary voice, yes, but I must admit this is a very difficult question. I love to write stories of scifi and fantasy, I love to take concepts and ideas, pieces of dialogue and conveyed emotion and put them into an all expansive list of things to try, but I personally love bringing those emotions and ideas out myself. I find it fun! I suppose...I wouldn't! Writing is fun, don't get me wrong, but being able to perform it is part of my joy in creating what I make. If I stopped doing one, I'd have to find it elsewhere and that would take me away from doing the other thing.

I like to believe that, yes. It only makes sense that the writer knows the exact feeling to convey in a script, but you could call me vain for that if you like lol!

Listener characters are the bane of my existence lol! Okay, that was too dramatic. It's very difficult to write a character that doesn't talk, but represents...basically everyone! How do you compensate for that? And echoing dialogue is not something people do on a regular basis. No one talks like that, but we need to in order to get across what the listener is thinking at any given time, because if you don't, everyone is confused. It's quite frustrating and a hell of a dilemma in the scripting process.

Well, like I said earlier, I have to try and accommodate for everyone which is a challenge all on its own. It's VERY easy for the listener to become a talking head and I try my best to avoid it. Alas, I imagine even the greatest xlistener writer has fallen into that trap lol

No, it is not. I like 2D animation and RPGs.

Money? Budget? A lot more emphasis on visuals? When you start out as a content creator, you start with nothing and are tasked with making something, but with mainstream media, the network hands you a budget to make something. Granted those things might not be great given the parameters of the network, but hey! At least you can say you made something!

Very much so, yes. Zed is directly related to my insecurities and fears of not being enough as a person. Makkaro is related to my need for a work/life balance so that I might enjoy the little things while still giving my all. Albus is a toxic form of what I wanted to be when I grew up, a man who can fight through anything, but inside is deeply broken. Yargwynn is my running away from my problems in hopes that it'll all just go away. Mortallous is those problems always chasing me, always catching up. One day, I will tell a story of Zed realizing who he wants to be. That story will show that the man I really want to be, is myself. I will no longer be Good Boy Audios, but Good Man Audios. Yeah, it's cheesy as fuck, but hey, I like cheese.

Thank you for your questions. I really appreciate the time you took to ask me them. And I hope you enjoy my stories moving forward too!

#good boy audios #goodboyaudios #youtube #asmr roleplay #asmr boyfriend

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dukeofankh · 9 months

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I've noticed a really troubling trend in masculinity discourse recently which views the peak of nontoxic masculinity as being totally unreliant on others. It's coming from a harm-reduction place, as is pretty much always the case. The thought process seems to be: 1) Incel shit comes from men feeling entitled to status and possessing women 2) Incels are dangerous 3) To decrease that the number of incels and the corresponding danger, we should push for the concept of the ideal man as one being unconcerned with status and possessing women. An island unto himself, satisfied and confident. Independent from both the pressures of a full-blown systemic-ass issue and the natural internal desires to be accepted and admired by others.

And like...something can be a good short term plan without being a good long term plan, you know? There can be side effects.

Like, I'm gonna make a post at some point about how I feel like the causes of the Nice Guy tm tire fire were radically misunderstood, considering I feel like we're on the precipice of another crisis in exactly the same mold, but apart from that I'm also just kind of frustrated that the process of organizing against patriarchal masculinity is suddenly bogged down by a bunch of folks trying to get me to adopt a stoic/zen philosophy as a necessary facet of my gender identity, and naturally assuming that my distaste for that can't be because I've spent a decade unpacking this as a queer man and I disagree with their tactics, and must just be that I haven't seen Barbie yet.

Ultimately, I don't feel like the root of modern toxic masculinity is entitlement. I feel that it's American-style Hyperindividualism. Its the erosion of the supportive community that naturally acts in opposition to the narrative sold by masculine competitive hierarchies. Its the belief that individual men must force their will upon the world or else be starved out because higher status men have hoarded everything for themselves. It's the belief that women are the scorecard and trophy in a contest between men, yes, but also fundamentally that absent some semblance of performance within that contest, men will be abandoned, mocked, and ostracized by both women and their larger community. The patriarchal dividend in that toxic system is not just power and sex, it's a sort of gated community within which all right to inherent human worth for men is contained, entrance into which must be earned through defeating others also desperately trying to get in.

Given all of that, to me the antidote isn't more individualism. It's less. Its community. It's love. It's not about men realizing that they don't need other people, it's about men realizing that they will still be loved and accepted within their communities without the need to dominate and overpower. That they do not need to become a patriarch to be seen, to have worth and a home and acceptance and support and community. That the idea that those things are gated behind power and wealth and the ability to do violence isn't just untrue, but the opposite of what is the case.

Toxic Masculinity is a systemic issue. Seeing people uncritically and wholeheartedly telling me that it should be conquered by intentionally atomizing men into self-reliant islands of personal choice is also not just untrue, but the opposite of what I think is the case. But it's...easy. It doesn't require the community to negotiate a new understanding under which they can embrace and love men who take up the responsibilities of being part of--not in charge of-- that community. It allows men deeply invested in a self-appraisal of their value as being rooted in not asking for help and in hierarchical superiority over other men to simply do that even harder, with largely the same rubric, but a new rationale. It leaves no room for male weakness, for mens needs, because, frankly, we are socialized to punish those and we do not want to change.

#masculinity #toxic masculinity #nontoxic masculinity #positive masculinity #me writing stuff

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lurkingshan · 10 months

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Step by Step Missed Some Steps

Welp, here we are at the end of this show. And it sure did have a finale! That was indeed an episode 12.

Look pals, I’ve been clear about the fact that this show went off the rails for me in the final stretch. The finale didn’t change my view on that, unfortunately — it was, in my opinion, not a good episode of television and not a particularly coherent ending to this story. The time skip served little purpose in terms of character development and as one final hilarious pacing joke, Pat is still somehow 26! But we did get some nice domestic fanfic vignettes and one last bed scene as a parting gift, which was cool of them. I am a simple woman and I was in fact happy to get 30 uninterrupted minutes of domestic relationship fluff. Would I have liked it if the fluff had a stronger connection to an ongoing emotional arc? Sure would, but with this drama I’ve learned we really can’t have it all.

In the spirit of giving this show a fair assessment while also not repeating myself too much or belaboring my criticism, I’m just gonna do a quick rundown of what its attempted big themes were and how successful I thought they were with each major thread, now that we’ve seen the full thing. Shoutout to @waitmyturtles and @neuroticbookworm for talking this through with me and keeping me sane the last few weeks, as well as @he-is-lightning-in-a-bottle, @williamrikers, @wen-kexing-apologist, @colourme-feral, @bengiyo, @colourme-feral and @sunshinesanctuary, all of whom wrote posts I have linked here. This is going to be a critical analysis so if you want to just vibe and bask in the cute feel free to skip reading. :)

The slow burn that never caught fire

Let’s just get this out of the way. This show failed on the romance writing. They did a nine episode slow burn then fumbled the emotional payoff, tacked on a traditional four-act-structure breakup that didn’t fit, and had the wrong person apologize in the final reunion scene. There may have been a lot of sex, but the emotional arc for these two was incoherent and dissatisfying in the end, and I saw nothing in their reunion scene that explained to me why I was supposed to believe they would suddenly be a functional and happy couple. You gotta actually do that character work to sell it, not just tack on some cute epilogue scenes where they are suddenly healthier without showing me how they got there.

But thank goodness for Man and Ben, because they still managed to salvage something out of this mess on the strength of their chemistry alone. I thank them for their service, and I will always treasure the bittersweet arc of those first nine episodes and the exquisite angst of Jeng’s lonely pining. That was good shit.

Pat’s emotional maturity and character growth

Speaking of having the wrong person apologize in the reunion scene, this might actually be the thing I am most frustrated about. I’ve had a somewhat rocky road with Pat in this show, but I’ve wanted to believe in the arguments that his emotional inconsistency was intentional and leading us to some major character development for him. The show almost pulled it out in the final arc and got somewhere on this theme, but they blew it on the dismount.

Because all the ingredients were right there on the table. In episode 11, we saw Pat finally come into his own, both at work and in his relationships. We saw him succeed at work, we saw him grow more confident, we saw him draw firm boundaries, and we saw him call both Put and Jeng on their bullshit. We saw him walk away from these toxic relationships that weren’t serving him, and we were on his side. The finale even opens with him thriving in his new business with Chot! It was a little weird that the show had him suddenly being besties with Put given where we left them in episode 11 (I could see a way for that to happen but the show, as ever, did not do the work and hand waved it away with a time skip, so no points from me) but that’s fairly easy to overlook as long as it serves his arc. When the finale opens our boy is doing well for himself—he has become a successful businessman in his own right—which you would expect to also come with some advancement in his emotional maturity. In those early scenes he seems like he’s finally got a handle on things.

Except that crumbles the moment he sees Jeng again, and he instantly regresses into the same insecure, emotionally erratic, weak-willed youth he was before. We see him repeat all of his old patterns (to the point where it felt almost like intentional callbacks to his scenes from earlier in the series, but that would be such a weird thing to do in this context). He begins doubting himself, he loses emotional control and sobs into his dad’s shoulder, he gets wasted and makes a public spectacle of himself, he randomly decides to get back with an ex who wronged him, and he apologizes to Jeng for standing up for himself and ending their relationship when Jeng was the one entirely in the wrong and has done no work to change anything about his situation or earn Pat’s forgiveness.

And so rather than enjoying the reunion, I was mad when I was watching this scene. Flames on the side of my face. I have no idea what the writer was thinking when they crafted this ass backwards reunion scene, but it did double damage in that it put the final nail in the coffin for two of the show’s major arcs. Impressive in its own way, I suppose!

Filial piety and Jeng’s family expectations

This one truly just has me scratching my head. It feels like they simply…didn’t finish this part of the show? Because they’ve been telling me for 11 episodes that Jeng is broken and crumbling under the weight of his responsibilities to his father’s company (well, if I’m honest, they’ve only been telling us that explicitly for a few episodes, because for the first two-thirds of the show they were telling us he loves his work, but I’m trying to go with fandom interpretations of subtext here) but that he couldn’t simply walk away from this job because he is the eldest son and must fulfill his obligations of filial piety. And that a big part of the reason he fucked things up with Pat was because of that enormous pressure he was under, and he would have to face that and make things right.

So what happened in the finale to continue this storyline? Absolutely nothing! After a two year time skip in which nothing in Jeng’s work or family life changed, Pat randomly decides everything was his fault, actually, and he wants to get back together, and then Jeng simply walks away from this job. Casually strolls into his dad’s office and hands in a resignation letter like it ain’t no thing in a very short, very oddly toned scene in which his dad just kind of shrugs and then tosses the letter in the bin. Jeng even mentions in the next scene with Pat that his dad’s reaction was bizarre. And that’s it! That’s the end of that plot. We go through a bunch more time skips and Jeng did in fact leave that job, nothing else happens, the end.

And look, I’m on record as feeling like this version of Jeng that was so broken he couldn’t see his way out of this situation or be a decent partner to Pat emerged in episode 10 largely out of nowhere, but the show took us down this path, so they needed to stand by it and finish the story. But they didn’t bother. Jeng “I intend to improve myself” Kittipong Attajiranon did nothing of the sort (at least not on screen where we could see it) in either his professional or personal life. Instead his problems just magically solved themselves and we time skipped through him becoming more stable. What am I to make of that? Guess we’ll never know!

Whatever the heck that was with Jaab and Jen

I feel like for this section I should just insert that meme of the blonde lady trying to work out incomprehensible equations, because that’s what it feels like trying to figure out what the point of this storyline was. Jaab appeared on screen in this finale for about two minutes, and Jen didn’t appear at all. The show doesn’t even bother to tell us if they’re together already or if Jaab is going to Japan to try to win Jen back (even though they previously told us he’d be back from Japan by this time), and neither of them is even mentioned again.

For this, they ate up a ton of real estate in the penultimate episode? Make it make sense!

Perils of the closet and homophobia in the workplace

Let’s end this on a positive note, shall we? This is the theme I do think came through most clearly, and they almost pulled it off (but not quite thanks to the baffling end of Jeng’s work and family arc).

We saw Pat and Jeng and Chot all deal with various forms of the closet and homophobia throughout the show. We saw the way that Chot’s partner being closeted with his family hurt Chot, and the relief he felt when he was finally able to be fully open with his love. We saw how Put’s fears about being out with his career hurt Pat. We saw how Jeng’s parents did not fully accept him and how he consequently struggled to be his authentic self at work. We saw Pat express his discomfort with the way media companies exploit queerness for monetary gain. We saw Pat get caught up in an online scandal when his relationships with Jeng and Put were exposed. We saw how all of these gay men were put in the position of working for executives who saw their sexuality as a problem to be crisis managed and a bargaining chip to threaten them with.

And in the finale we got to see Pat and Chot flourishing in their own company, where their queerness was an asset and not a problem, and where they got to set their own rules about how they wanted to work and who they wanted to work with. We got to see Jeng focus on the job he loves most in a setting where he can be his authentic self. Everybody has found a better work life balance. And we got to see all of them happy and in love and thriving. And even though the way they got there didn’t always feel earned, at least we can say they got a beautiful ending free of those burdens.

As a final note, I just want to say how fun it’s been to watch this show along with y’all. We didn’t always agree, but the discussion was always interesting and the experience brought me a lot of joy. The show yeeted itself off a cliff for me in the final stretch but I will always remember the watch experience fondly and y'all will have to pry Man away from my cold dead hands. Onward to the next drama!

#step by step #thai bl #shan shouts into the void

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