#but i still had to like. give myself the same pep talk 2 years in about how to view that relationship | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sabraeal · 1 year

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as a writer how do you stop thinking about like getting kudos/comments? I've just started writing fanfic, and when I start a writing something -- it goes well and then eventually I get to point where I'm like "ahh but what the readers don't like that? or what if I don't get as many kudos or comments" and it makes it difficult to continue because then it becomes stressful -- I guess how do you deal with "wanting to write stuff for yourself" and "wanting validation" thanks!

You're going to hate this answer, because I hated it too, but TIME. When you first start writing and you get kudos and comments and people love what you're doing, it's a huge validation of your effort and talent, and it's natural that you want MORE of it. When I first started putting up fics I already had been writing for 15+ years, knew I was good at it, and still for a good few years found myself really glued to the hit counter, and the kudos, and wondering how I'd be able to get people to comment the same way they did on things like Seven Suitors.

But the thing is that commenting comes and goes in waves, and unless a fandom has a big comment culture, or is large enough that you're guaranteed a good glut of them every time you post...you're going to hit a point where you write exactly what everyone wants and get crickets. And at that point you'll get ANNOYED, because LOOK, I MADE THIS, i made it for YOU GUYS, and now y'all don't have anything to say? It'll get to you. It'll make you doubt that you know what anyone wants at all. It'll happen and it'll suck the whole time.

Lots of advice will say "write for yourself," which is an excellent sentiment. You should always write what YOU want. Put into your fic what you want to see, write the nitpicky poetic metaphors and craft the most screwball twists your heart desires. Pour yourself into the most niche AUs and most tin-hat canon theories. At the end of the day, you want the IDEAS you put down to be for you, because comments and kudos are nice, but if they don't come...you have to be proud of what you put out, even when it feels like an echo chamber.

But also...we don't POST things for ourselves. We post things to share. Fic are a conversation with canon and it is perfectly natural to want to create something that creates conversation among other fans. So you're never going to fully get the need for validation out of your head, you're not. You can hide hit counts and ignore your inbox all you like, but the want to have someone interact with your work, to inspire someone to reach out to you will ALWAYS be there. You just have to create a healthier relationship with it.

Be confident in what you write. Think less about whether people will like it, and more about how you WANT them to react. The reader is the most important character in any novel, but it's the one most authors forget to manage. When you come to a point where you go "oh man, I hope this is good for them!" stop and go, "what do I *want* them to be feeling here?" Focus on where you're putting their attention and whether you WANT it there. There's so much you can do when you visualize your relationship with the reader as PART of the work, and it takes off a lot of the pressure of "is this good? is it disappointing? will this get me validation?" and brings it back into the realm of storytelling. You are taking your reader on a journey, and when you do it well people will think less about "did I like that?" and more about "what comes next?"

#asks #writing advice #writing #please understand nonnie that what you are feeling is completely natural and part of the process #and shades of that will stick with you no matter how good you get #but the thing you want to keep in the center of your mind when it comes to that #is that you can only get kudos once on a fic and you are lucky to get a 1:100 comment vs hits ratio #so the instant validation WILL dry up and you'll have to have something about your story #that makes you push through. because people will come back and comment!#people will blow through 50+ chapter and leave you the most emotionally hungover review promising you their first borns #but sometimes you will have written a good third of them with NO feedback whatsoever #and you just have to trust in yourself that it's good. it's FINE #i used to obsessively check hits and be really put out to see how many people were coming and not commenting #especially when i wrote really emotionally driven stuff and really tore myself up to get those feelings through #but i also would have been miserable only writing fluffy 1 or 2 shots with no plot just to get the flush of comments those fics get #you just gotta do what you gotta do and let your audience find you. recontextualizing the relationship helps a LOT #i already was big on focusing on the meta plot of my works because as i said. 15+ years. had a lot of time to experiment and get good #but i still had to like. give myself the same pep talk 2 years in about how to view that relationship #everyone goes through it and if they say they don't they're a liar and i mean that seriously 🤣

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ezamevolni · 8 months

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Traces: Law and order

Back for more Jinkook shenanigans. I will always be back. 😇

And it somehow panned out because now's the perfect timing to talk about that side of Jungkook. Haha 🙂 I started this when Seven's teaser came out and now it's a whole two months later. Hello 3D.

Did a long (and rambling) post that spans across events in 2 and a half years. Like a highlight reel of some content that sit on the same arc. Like any other unconfirmed phenomena in the world, we can only look at what's presented and draw our own inferences.

Side note: The title of this post progressed from 'Who Confessed First' to 'Hyung Wait For Me' to the dried-up 🦑 I have now because recently I had felt like there's a need to highlight this aspect of Jinkook. The need had always been there actually.. but simply giving lectures and pep talks on why people should stop seeing Jinkook in that particular light only ends up with me becoming an internet rando screeching into the void. I'd rather Jinkook screech at everyone instead (if only they would). So I spend a good chunk of time trying to finding the lens that just showed what I saw, and that's as far as I'm going to go lol But along the lines of my original heading pertaining to the confessor.. Sure, there could've been no confession, no relationship, no underlying feelings whatsoever... but there could be ;)))

Please note that I will be using their Korean ages here as that's what they went by back then. Koreans are counted as a year old from the moment they are born, and everybody gets this additional year added to their ages at the beginning of the year, no matter when they're born during. SK had only recently (?) abolished this system.

⚠️ Smexy allusions ahead. (Appropriately, of course)

Every country has its own determined legal age and for South Korea, that's 20 years old. (I resist the strong urge here to insert my manifesto here that physical age ≠ mental age and that the lack of standardization where this line should be drawn is precisely why it is an unrelia- look at that just dug myself a shallow grave 🙂)

Fans all knew when Jeon Jungkook turned 20 because a whole shindig was thrown (by the members) about it - started in late 2015 and lasted all the way to the end of 2016.

So he was excited, the members were excited, and the fans were excited. And it's funny how the reason behind everyone's excitement was similar but not the same. Not the same.

These are events that transpired within the period between Danger (2014) and Fire (2016).

For in the years that BTS glowed up, there was an invisible line some were eagerly waiting to leap over, while others were blissfully or perhaps warily unaware(?) of those intentions. Before yall jump my throat and accuse me of shielding my bias, please calmly read on. (I think he bite off more than he could chew.)

For after the clock struck midnight on Dec 31 2015, the light turned green. And it'll become very clear very fast who was watching that second hand like a hawk, and who still perfunctorily giving head pats.

Anyway, hopefully from this account some can stop with the unnecessary berating of Jinkook's age difference as a ship because there was a very strong one-sided motivation to move things along.

In 2014 (not yet, smexy thoughts go to 🚓)

140612 Kkul FM

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Jin: "Wait, how is everyone in our group an adult except Jungkook, that doesn't make sense"

Jk: "I-I-I will quickly become an adult too"

Jungkook was only 18 years old here. Still growing in height, had bunny teeth, full of energy and overall, still a kid.

And the point is that he was about 1.5 years away from becoming an 'adult' in SK.

The only real difference that bit of time made was that legally, Jk would be able to do some 'adult' things. For example, drinking, driving, clubbing, signing a legal document without a guardian signature.

But in terms of actual physical and mental growth, a period of 1.5 years does not guarantee nor indicate a measurable amount of change. (BTW Vmin at this time were still 18 years old internationally but already considered legal in SK. I know, it's trippy.)

Now when Jin made that comment "that doesn't make sense", it really stood out fer tow reasons.. 1. Per my logic it's as if to Jin, Jk already seemed like an adult in his eyes or maybe in comparison to the rest, he should be qualified to count as one. (I kinda agree, childish loud and extra, all of them)

2. Also, everyone was yelling commentary on Jk's growth - he's in high school, going through puberty, taller in height... but nobody else was fazed about Jk not being an adult. Members almost seemed to have the exact opposite POVs of Jin's. Ew bro is growing up vs Compared to you people he's not grown yet??

Right because somehow, there had always been a disconnect between how Jin viewed Jk and how other members viewed Jk.

Few other examples include~

Jin pointed to JK first then Jk followed suit. His face looked like a whole question: "Me?"

Btw, we have an excerpt of Jimin supporting Jin's choice but it's clear Rap Monster was still number one in 🐥's heart👆🏼:

But Jin was alone on this take here:

obsessive, timid, and the worst dresser..glad bts got theses roasts out of their system back then if not you'll be seeing trucks outside hybe if it happened now

And 'obsessive' seemed like a great descriptor for Jk because Jin seemed to have been on the receiving end of a lot of 'obsession'..:

140414 Sukira Kiss the Radio

Jin was the number one victim of Jk's sad boi serenades

"He keeps practicing but he keeps singing in someone's ear..." Suga said, concealing the identity of the affected.

"..my ears will just burst," Jin then bragged complained.

Overall, Jin was perceiving a whole other Jungkook from the rest of the members.

And 2015 rolled around. ( No 🔞 still 🚓)

For the below video.. I had a terrible time looking for it because logically, my brain said it should have happened some time near the end of 2015 and was probably released in early 2016. Because the video is of Jk, in the middle of a hectic warm-up session, asking the members to say a few words to him who is spending the last days of his teens. Ah youth, it flies away so fast-

Nope. When I finally found it I was both surprised and surprised. Filmed ? and released in April. It was barely second quarter... last days? You've got eight months left... JK??

150430 Jungkook who's in his 10s ask his hyungs (0:27 for Jin)

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What Jin said to him: "Well, for 10s... firstly you can't drive. After you reach the 20s you can drive. Hyung can drive now, envious right? (JK: yes, I'm envious 😂) You've worked hard."

Now there's nothing very special about this.. Jin's answer was short and sweet, about driving.... and he really just "said a few words" to Jk like he was asked. Very casual. Quite cavalier. Regardlessly, his cool attitude and dry 'blessing' still elicited giggles from Jk.

So returning to my issue with the date of filming, Jk made a selfcam in the MIDDLE OF 2015 asking everyone to say a few words to him who was leaving his teen years. The timing was so incredibly random. Later on I figured.. that it's possibly the staff's idea for the selfcam. 'Last days of his 10s' would be on theme for their HYYH series and there was also the giant album logo on the bottom...

Either way, it doesn't matter who came up with the idea for this content. Because it served as our official entrance into the saga and promptly highlighted Jk's coming of age. A reallllllly long one that should've only been a day's celebration and a couple of after mentions (like for Vmin), but wasn't.

150611 Kkul FM

In June, BTS had moved into a new dorm, released HYYH Pt.1 and were finally tasting a bit of success. No longer squished into a single bedroom, they now had roommates 🦑🎊

So it appeared that most were happy with the new arrangements and Jin was definitely one of them😚as he voluntarily started sharing what activities he did with Suga:

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Jin started off talking about the logistics of the activity regarding the beds

To which Jk's question leaped out by reflex:

"You sleep (together)?" Not a second of thought.

And his tone, teehee wow... and too, watch his hands even after Jin reassured him that sleeping was not involved.

Also, the group of satisfied roomies didn't seem to include Jk because:

Jk and Tae were the only two who innocently raised their hands. (btw I have reason to suspect Tae wanted to share a room with Sin too.)

I love how Officer Min was interrogating the suspect, "What is it he(you) likes so much then?"

It's pretty clear there's a specific room Jk was gunning for and how all his teasing hyungs knew which one and why.

Game consoles was a big clue, and the eldest hyung in the corner thinking, nodding and going "Ah" softly when he heard Jk say "It's game consoles"... I could write a short fic on how 2015 Jin had rising suspicions but didn't dare to go there, and was momentarily relieved when he heard the maknae give a convincing answer for his frequent visits to his bedroom. But I won't.

150702 Sukira Kiss the Radio

Jk's coming of age was also brought up on a radio show in July. The host Ryeowookie had asked,

"Getting my license" JK answered. Something Jin did mention before in that practice room interview, but it's such a normal answer we can't say he was influenced by Jin.

Then Ryeowook went on to ask Jk if he wanted to become an adult or stay in his 10s...

When Ryeowook asked if he still wanted to enjoy his teens Jk went oh no immediately, he wanted to become adult

..but (oh?).. he watched a movie recently (ok..) and there were a lot of driving scenes. (????)

? OK.

I can relate to Jk's terrible use of conjunctions when attempting to lie on the spot.

Jk used to be a greenhorn at lying (he's all grown now) and couldn't commit fully to the lie, so he'd take really long to answer and what came out would sound like nonsense.

In this situation, it actually seemed like an alright answer because Ryeowook had no idea just how eager Jk was. Sure, a movie with a lot of driving scenes could in theory make a person eager to be legal and start tokyo drifting. However, it won't be long before Jk reveals his true intentions to the world. 👇

Also truly, I don't think Mad Max would have inspired someone to want to start driving. If you check dates, this banger came out at just about this time.

151224 Simply K-Pop - Some Questions About BTS

It's really, really close to the end of 2015 now.. and the start of 2016 when Jk could be officially counted as an adult on Jan 1.

And I was a bit taken aback at that time when I first saw the video because there were no warning signs for what he did when he did.

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Jimin was the one who read the fan question, "Isn't Jungkook turning 20 years old soon? Please express your feelings with your entire body."

Jungkook: it's my f*cking time to shine 😃😏🥴🚓🈲🔞

That expression!! arm movements,!? and swagger?!! Goodness gracious👵🏻 He nailed the -thuggy old perv entering a strip joint ready to tear it up-

Just to make it clear why he was excited about becoming an adult:

Innocent little ol' me was going "is that allowed on TV??"

And amidst all the laughing men, one stiff alpaca seemed a little uncomfortable with Jk's boldness:

(small smile, fidgeting, shaking pupils)

I mean. Who was that sleazeball that took over Jk's body?? This act was just a tad too transparent...

It's a howling declaration of what he thought of when he thinks 'adult'.

151223 KBS Gayo Daechuje X BTS Vlive

The year was really drawing to a close and on a live broadcast for KBS' year-end show, again, Jk decided to remind us of his questionable intentions after becoming legal.

The hot topic of the year was again cued:

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He mentioned his desire for driving and also...

Jungkook: "I believe everybody already knows what"

No, we don't know SAY IT

If Jin had seemed cavalier in April, he definitely was paying attention to Jk's coming of age on the last day of 2015.

To think that this friend will soon become an adultㅠㅠ Our makdoongie will become an adult soon too. Please stay as a makdoongie to hyung for a long long time, you muscle man (cr. Sihyun @ bts_trans)

A side note: Jin posted this message 16 minutes after midnight on Dec 31.

Oh the times back then. I wasn't a Jinkooker but I was always weirdly extra fond of their posts together. And was always somehow expecting them to do these posts showing how close they were, because I knew they were, yet astonished when they did. Shipper me today is like, yeah, dumbass. You a shipper you just didn't know it yet.

151231 MBS Gayo Daechukje

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Finally, they crossed over to 2016 on stage at the end of the year and the MC had cued Jungkook to say a few words after becoming an adult. I would think there's at least one or two other idols on stage who were turning twenty in 2016 but he was the only one asked. Like I said, the shindig had been thrown all year long and everyone knew.

And it's funny that it's Jin's zodiac year too, along with Ken and Sandeul's.

After getting off stage, Jk tweeted too about becoming legal

I’m twenty To think that I’m twenty To be honest, it doesn’t feel like it but.. I feel good anyways ARMYs wouldn’t like it right heheheuhahahe e hahe ARMY, I love you and I hope you treat us well this year as well (cr. Sihyun @ bts_trans)

"Armys wouldn't like it right"...... As a fan on the outside, no bb.. most were 😒creepily looking forward to it. But yeah, a few people might have preferred you stay small for longer.. one of them voiced that very sentiment the day before.

And then it finally arrived for real.

🌟2016🌟 (Actually nothing here really prompts smexy thoughts. I lied.)

Dumdum dunnnnnn.

If you thought they were lowkey and subtle this year, you're wrong. And I'm only referencing bits that are relevant to this arc. A Lot Was Going On All Year Round. anyways.

~January~

Hanako vol. 1101 Jin and Jungkook's interviews (cr. kimmyyang)

Q: Use a simple sentence to describe the member is a _______ man.

Jin about Jk: An old-looking maknae

Jk about Jin: A big brother from the church

Alright, I don't know about you but those statements just sounded mysterious and wrong (?).

Jungkook looking old? Jin from church? People are still calling Jk baby star candy today, Jk from 2016 DID NOT look old. Objectively speaking.

Jin, from the church? He's elegant and well-mannered sure but when you say someone looks like they're from church, it usually points to their conservatism.

And as far as my BTS lore goes, Jin's family is buddhist. (fact check me :))

So Jk could have let us in a little bit on their um.. progress. And the interview was likely done during end of 2015. I'll boldly presume someone drew a clear line that even if it be days remaining, it's still a matter of law and order. Wait it out buddy.

160124 2nd Muster

If you still recall that there's a plot, it looked like one person was facing difficulty in making progress even after the clock struck midnight.

Thanks to Jin secretly showing off publicly complaining, we learned about a tenacious youth's struggle:

to take over Jin hyung's bed.

Allow me to swoon for a moment 🤗 I'm deeply consoled by Jk's heart on his sleeves nature. Look at him, going from just learning about Sin's nighttime movie dates to proactively taking Jin's bed before he arrives home.

From Jin's complaint, It was clear that Jungkook was taking the initiative and Jin was more passive in seeking the other out after hours.

When questioned from all sides, Jk created a smoke screen:

The carpet...hm mentioning the carpet. And how many of you were like me, immediately giving him the benefit of the doubt that he only slept on the carpet, not the bed? :/

Note how he brought up the carpet but couldn't go through with the whole lie and never once said he 'slept' on the carpet. The carpet was, just there in the room. It's really not relevant at all.

And Jin's response cleverly made it seem like the carpet was indeed a real factor in Jk's nightly visits. I'm intrigued because he knew (everyone knew) Jk was lying, but he feigned ignorance and played along with Jk's terrible excuse...which leads one to think Jin isn't as passive as he tried to appear.

160612 Kkul FM

The topic of Jk being an adult came up again during this festa, reasonably so because it is the year that it finally happened. This time around, the topic was also part of the script.

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There's nothing substantial from this conversation that contributes to the arc, but their responses were so candid and hilarious:

SG: "Jungkook was 15 years old when we met but now he's a full grown man."

RM: "That's gross"

JK: "My chin split"

RM: "Your chin split?"

JK: "It's split here."

J: "Euhheuheuhahaheuhaheuhaha"

Idk about chins splitting once the state recognizes you as an adult, but brownie points to Jk for thinking that's correlated.

Sometimes I think his dude logic is part of his cutie star charm 🧚🏼‍♂️

Bon Voyage season 1 ep. 1

Can't miss this episode where their first dinner in Bergen was all about Jungkook's adult ceremony party:

All the hyungs had it in mind and were going to throw a surprise party for Jk after cooking dinner. Everyone was pretty excited:

RM led the song, Jimin gave JK birthday slaps and Jhope was the one who reminded Namjin about getting supplies.

Traditionally, the person gets three gifts for their ceremony: flowers, perfume and a kiss. As a group of dudes on an impromptu trip/variety show in a foreign country, they couldn't afford the first two.. and Jk resisted getting the third. (Honestly I could cry a little about how cute they were about preparing the candles, food and cake for Jk. It was different vibes back then)

Isn't it cute how Jin suggested cheesecake because of Jk's love for cheese 🥰

p.s. I'm spreading rumors that Jin was recreating the adult ceremony cake for Jk's birthday last year:

160517 BTS Live

This live was a bit like a debriefing and commentary on the coming of age party they celebrated the day before.

All hyungs were teasing Jk about it, saying he's paying for the whole trip, the trip was to celebrate him, he's gonna shell the airplane tix..

And then Jin cut in while Jhope was very kindly telling Jk who bought the cake

The translators didn't sub it but Jin suggested a game to pick a member to kiss Jk

You can't take Jin seriously here 🤣 from head to toe, you could tell he was just teasing the maknae.

However. This question. Made Jk fall into a momentary daze.

He froze for about 3 seconds. Just based off this reaction I'd say they haven't kissed yet

And then gave his big 'I'm not gay hmph' lil protest ("A kiss from a guy...I would like a kiss from our fans") but that pregnant pause haha 😊 It's laden with panic. A big, straight boy would go directly into a 'no thanks bro' without a second thought.

2016 5.31-6.2 (?) BTS 3rd Birthday Party practice

Official party was over but the saga was not. It's probably because the members had started prepping for their Festa stages in late May pouring into early June, and the theme of Jk's adulthood hadn't exactly dissipated yet.

From the song choice to the style of execution, adult Jk spoke volumes:

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Everyone who'd seen this practice video would agree upon noting the difference between Jk and Jm when they were dropping like it's hot.

Because Jimin exhibited what is called modesty and Jk showed lack thereof.

Both were smiling but one was embarrassed and the other was reveling in it.

That haughty side look and the casual walk off

We already know Jk was the one who picked the song and that the original was banned on music shows for its explicitness.

In the lyrics, the speaker was bluntly and figuratively saying to a person older than them - it was finally legal for them to 🌹🔞, the wait was over.

So there's debate over Jimin's participation in this dance number that Jk had chosen it with Jimin in mind, but think about it from this angle, 'target' audience has to be in the audience. Whoever he's thinking of, if he's thinking of someone at all, they've got to be watching from the seats.

Anyways, later on during the rehearsal, members all got to take turns watching each other perform.

And notably, Jin's comment asking "Was this originally supposed to be such a powerful performance" really revealed which member he was focused on during the show.

Additionally, the only time Jk showed a hint of modesty was when he was air thrusting and couldn't help breaking into a smile in the middle of the performance.

Kookie, you clearly thought of something while doing that motion.

Hip thrusting wasn't merely a dance move to him. And it's not a reach because he's precisely shown how aware he was of this aspect of life from [see above]

Osaka

After their festa, the celebration tapered off and there weren't any more direct mentions of how adult Jk was.

But of course, soon the banger Blood, Sweat and Tears dropped, boosted our numbers and drove everyone feral.

The creative team had seized the opportunity to switch up BTS' image from innocent, angsty youth in HYYH to the sensual, matured one in Wings. The team was able to move onto new pastures since Jungkook turned legal. This sudden change in concept and leap in their growth was very obvious in real-time.

And if the story seems rather skewed because Jin wasn't an active participant... it's cause Jk was the only one constantly reminding everyone he's almost legal, half a year more to go, few more days, LEGAL WOOOOOO, so legal, legal af, going to burn this fact into your mind.

As a Jin stan, I have to say his side of the story is a little bit more flat. There wasn't much progression in how he viewed Jk because as it appeared, Jk was already a manly man in his eyes since early 2014. Not in the adult sense, just personality-wise. Like mentioned before in some other post, Jin's a lot more consistent in the way he shows affection for Jk. If he was teasing and doting before 2016, he still was after.

For clues on how Jin's perception of Jk shifted, it may be better to look at how differently he began treating other members compared to Jk, pre and post-2016. Yes, our don't-touch-me Jinnie is only a saint that appeared after 2016.

And on a final note, I know I went on several mini rampages there on the isolated events so the saga may only seem remotely related based on Jk's coming of age....but you'll notice, it's the little things, their reactions, the slow progression and the hint of awareness... everything just tells us there's more happening beneath it all.

#jinkook #kookjin #what's shipping without a side of confidence and scooch of delusion #jinkook traces #coming of age drama #this post is really not very adult for saying 'adult' so much #the longer a post the more rambling goes in

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4townie · 2 years

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Road to 4☆TOWN

“I’m actually pretty pumped about writing the band’s songs.” Robaire said excitedly. “I kinda expected the label would have their own music they wanted us to sing, but it works out cuz I used to love writing music.”

“I don’t know how I am with music but I’ve been told on occasion that I’m ridiculously sappy.” Jesse shrugged. “My poetry teacher had to stop giving love poem assignments because of me…”

“Great!” Robaire grinned. “Beckett told us to stick to cheesy love songs anyway so this’ll be a cinch.”

A moment of silence passed between them.

“So…” Jesse stared at his guitar, “did you bring that idea notebook you mentioned yesterday?”

“Oh, right.” Robaire pulled the notebook out of his bag. “I used to write songs all the time in the beginning of highschool. They might be a little corny now but we can probably still get something out of it.”

Jesse flipped through the book. “Ooh, what’s this one? The one called Romeo?”

Robaire blushed and chuckled awkwardly. “I wrote that in ninth grade when we read Romeo and Juliet. It’s pretty lame.”

“Hah, I’ve said lamer things. And in recent years, too.” Jesse said as he continued reading. “Actually, I think this could be a good base for the new song. All we need is…some new lyrics.”

“Yeah, I had a crush on this girl who used to get her braids done at the same place as my sister.” Robaire offered a crooked smile. “I got a little pissed at my mom for not letting me ask her out and for some reason I thought having a fantasy relationship with her anyway would really show my mom.”

Jesse burst out laughing. “Dude, that’s classic!”

“Glad to know you find my 14 year old stupidity so amusing.” Robaire rolled his eyes. “What about you? Got any good love stories?”

Jesse stopped laughing and nearly choked. “W-Why do you ask?”

“Well if we’re gonna be writing a love song, we should probably exchange embarrassing stories about our love lives.” Robaire grinned, scooting closer to Jesse.

Jesse stared at him. “You just want to hear how pathetic I am, don’t you?”

“Oh, absolutely.” Robaire nodded.

“Fine, I guess it’s only fair.” Jesse sighed. “There was this one cheerleader that had me going to every pep rally like I actually cared about the school. I had a huge crush on her, but she was always surrounded by her guy friends so it was hard to get near her. First time I ever got a chance to talk to her, I handed her my library card and said “I made sure to bring this cuz I’m checking you out”. She laughed in my face.”

“Oh, man, that’s bad.” Robaire snickered. “It’s too bad it didn’t work out, but at least you gave it a shot.”

Jesse stared silently. “Right. Didn’t work out. Sure…”

“Well, she may not have liked your pickup lines, but I sure will. Why don’t you hit me with some of your best shots so we can get creative and pump out our first hit?” Robaire suggested with an eager grin.

Jesse was quiet as he strummed a few notes absentmindedly. He paused. “I think I just gave myself an idea for the melody.” He looked back at Robaire with a smirk. “Alright, let’s do this.”

#4town fanfic #4town headcanons #4town jesse #4town robaire #4town z #4town aaron t #4town taeyoung #4town #turning red 4town #turning red #4townie

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sugarfluffandallthatgoodstuff · 2 years

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May the music carry the spirit

Oikawa x marching band!reader

Key because of a new POV replacer on Wattpad:

Y/N=your name (mainly first)

L/N=last name

f/c= favorite color

f/s/a= favorite stuffed animal

f/f=favorite flower

You are a 2nd year and Oikawa is a 3rd year and you play flute in this (yes I’ve played flute myself for 11 years now so… prepare for band nerd jargon) (also Oikawa's dialogue is written in blue, the announcer is in orange, and the section leader is in pink

anyway let's get started

YOUR POV

I sadly got to start my day with my alarm blaring at full volume with my sheet music now doused in my 40 ounces of bang energy drink so I could practice all night (but that didn’t turn out well obviously).

Jee i wonder how this day could possibly get worse

Oh yeah

We perform our indoor show today at one of our school’s volleyball games

And we don’t even get to sit with the other Seijoh students until after the show (which is AFTER the first set regardless of who takes it) and then play pep tunes the other 2 sets where I of course was given a solo and am on the mic everytime we play one certain song

But to add more insult to this mortal injury

Both teams would be watching us from the stands during our show to give more attention to marching bands indoors and because of an outrageously important audition for us

TIME SKIP TO JUST BEFORE THE GAME

We had just gotten off the bus when Iwazumi came running up to me to ask if I knew where the director is (yes he knows me because we were almost on the same page academically.)

“Hey L/N do you know where the band director is?”

“Sadly I am not sure since he wasn’t on our bus, however I think he’s on bus…1 I think?”

“Oh uh thank you. And um… good luck? Is that what we’re supposed to say?”

“I mean you’re kinda close. We say ‘have a good show’. Have a good game Iwa-kun.”

“Have a good show L/N”

We walked into the entrance of the gym with our instruments while the percussion went and got the props and technology and the team went to the locker room but, on the way to our designated warm up areas

*oof*

”OMG OMG OMG I’M SO SO SO SORRY! LET ME HELP YOU I-”

“Oh hi Y/N-chan you’re all good! Are you ok?” and he said this while i was looking for my horn

“OH MY GOD NOOOOOOOOO MY HORN!”

“I’m so confused what are you talking about”

“I HAVE TO DO 1,000 PUSHUPS NOW! NOOOOOOOO”

“L/N it’s only 50 for you ms.soloist”

“NO! IT’S 1,000 FOR ME BECAUSE I HAVE TO LEARN!”

*sigh* “besides you have the most banged up flute anyway”

“Y/N-chan! You have to be nice to yourself! Iwa-chan has told you too!”

“Ok so here’s how it is Oikawa-san, I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO SURVIVES DEATH BLOCK NOW I can hold mine up perfectly for 30 minutes straight!”

“I better not catch you doing more than 10 push ups!”

“Whatever you can’t stop me meanie-kawa not even my section leader knows it’s good for me”

“ I’d be careful if I were you Y/N-chan~”

I walked away to the end and did 20 burpees right in front of Oikawa just out of spite and screamed back:

“I STILL HAVE THE 1,000 TO DO OIKAWA-SAN”

And of course he yells back at me:

“Y/N-CHAN NOOOO 😭”

“YOU BETTER PLAY WELL TODAY DUMMY-KAWA”

“WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO MEAN TO ME LIKE IWA-CHAN!?”

I ran off to the warm up area while giving Oikawa a peace sign

OIKAWA’S POV

I watched as Y/N-chan jogged away while holding up a peace sign and without her knowing I was blushing uncontrollably

I can’t be thinking like this before an important game! We’re really good but that doesn’t mean we can let our guard down while playing Date Tech

I’ll win for her

I’ll win for Y/N and cheer her on during her show

I went with the team to the locker room we shared with the band because they only put their band uniforms over their squad shirts and compression shorts

And what did I see?

Y/N DOING PUSH UPS

YOUR POV

“178, 179, 180, 181, 182, 183, 184, 185…”

“Y/N-chan! Don’t push too hard, you'll hurt yourself!”

“196, 197, 198, 199, 200, DAMN IT OIKAWA I LOST COUNT NOW I HAVE TO START OVER >:( “

“Y/N-chan no just no. No more push-ups for you.”

I got up and looked him in the eye (which I never do) { hehehe author-chan never does this lol}

“If I push hard then I get better I thought you would know that too”

“Ok but I don’t punish myself harshly for something small”

“Look I understand this is important but I need to get in the head space to perform and I don’t want to burden you by clouding your mind and judgment with this because I know I don’t matter as much as your game. And I don't want you to think I’m doing this to be hurtful to you. I know how important performing in your sport is and how important it is to you. I don’t want to get in the way of that.”

“Your health is important too, you know. Iwa-chan taught me that and it made me a better player. I think it would make you a better musician if you took care of yourself too”

“I’ll see you later Oikawa-san I have to go warm up now. Have a good game!”

I clapped my hand on his shoulder and smiled a closed mouth smile at him and shook his hand

“I’ll teach you the woodwind handshake if you want me too later :) “

“Sounds great Y/N-chan!”

I walked and got my flute and started warming up on scales while walking away and then flexed by playing the solo from Carmen’s Entra’cte by Bizet and then Bach’s sonata in E major while backwards marching and giving him a wink

OIKAWA’S POV

I just watched in absolute awe as she walked away playing like a pro musician.

“Oi Shitty-Kawa we’re going to warm up soon”

“Y-yeah I’ll be there in a hot sec”

Then he hit me upside the head

“SNAP OUT OF IT WE HAVE A GAME SHITTY-KAWA”

“I-Iwa”

“WHAT”

“ I-I think I’m in love”

“Oh dear god.”

“Then play well for her if you want to show her!”

“I will then!”

TIMESKIP TO THE START OF THE GAME AND POV CHANGE BACK TO YOURS

As the boys were lining up and getting ready to play we started playing “The Greatest show” to hype up the crowd more (if that’s even possible lol)

And as we neared the end of the diminuendo and the song the captains shook hands and we went off the court out to prepare for the show after the first set

We may have not gotten to see them play but we were ready to show everyone what we were made of

We stepped out onto the court and were introduced

“LADIES AND GENTLEMEN IN CLASS 4A PERFORMANCE THE AOBA JOHSAI MARCHING BAND. THEIR PROGRAM IS ENTITLED ‘MAY THE SPIRIT CARRY ON’ WITH DRUM MAJORS DM/1, DM/2, DM/3, AND DM/4 WITH SOLOIST L/N Y/N”

{a/n the flute solo is Bach’s orchestral suite No.2 in B minor, BWV}

TIMESKIP TO THE END OF THE SHOW CAUSE I’M LAZY AS ALL FUCK

“BE SURE TO STAY AFTER THE GAME TO SEE IF THEY MAKE IT TO THE INTERNATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIPS”

As we were leaving and the boys were coming back to play OIkawa-san and I made eye contact for a mere millisecond and we both blushed and looked away and continued on our own path and then he stopped in his tracks turned around and said “Y/N-chan you were great! Can’t wait to see you up there!” “th-thank y-you Oikawa-san”

TIMESKIP TO THE END AFTER THE GAME FINISHES AND THEY WIN

“LADIES AND GENTLEMEN NOW FOR THE REVEAL OF THE SCORE! WITH AN OVERALL SCORE OF 92.945 THAT'S 9-2-.-9-4-5 CONGRATULATIONS ON ADVANCING TO THE INTERNATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIPS! AND FOR THE SOLO SCORE… WITH A SCORE OF 89.967 L/N Y/N CONGRATULATIONS!”

My heart sunk

I was supposed to break 90

I didn’t

My solo score brought us down

I wanted to cry

I retained my composure as I went up to get my medal

Afterwards the team was able to come down to congratulate all of us and who came up to me?

Iwa and Oikawa

“Good job L/N-chan-”

“I scored too fucking low”

“Huh?”

“I was supposed to break 90 and we could have made a better set of qualifiers”

“That doesn’t change that you were really good”

Then Oikawa chimed in

“Y/N-chan you did so well and this is only the beginning right?”

“True but I-”

“Y/N there’s no reason for you to be angry. You’ll beat them but you at least know where you stand right?” it was weird not hearing Oikawa using an honorific but I knew he was serious

“T-true?”

“So don’t let this benchmark stop you. Keep going!”

“I guess?”

“You wanna know something else Y/N-chan?”

“S-sure?”

“I’m in love”

Holy crap

Did he finally fall for one of his fangirls? Who was lucky enough to be the one he had his eyes on?

“Who’s the lucky girl? Is it one of your fangirls?”

“No. no. no they don’t come close to this girl”

“I have no idea then Oikawa-san I need a hint”

“We should go out into the hall the next group’s coming in”

So we went out

“She’s smart, beautiful, kind, and her talent is incredible”

“Uhh….. I got nothin I actually know no person like that”

“Really? That’s quite tragic that you don’t see those things in yourself”

“Hold on WHAT?!?”

“That’s right. You’re the one I fell for Y/N…I love you it’s ok if you don’t feel the same I”

“I love you too Tooru” I went in and gave him a hug

“I’m still not gonna let you do your push-ups because I love you too much and I don't want your arms to fall off”

I looked up at him and slooooowwwly got out of his embrace took a step back and continued from 200 push ups from where I left off

“201, 202, 203, 204, 205, 206, 207…”

And so he of course got down to my level and laid down so his head was under mine and he kissed me when I went down for another push up

“Oikawa no I’m trying to do my push ups!”

“Well I think you should get a kiss for every push-up then”

“It’s supposed to be a punishment not a reward!”

“I don’t think my precious girl should be punishing herself period”

So I tried to move away but he just got up and moved to my location and squatted only to wrap his arms around my torso and just started tickling the shit out of my tummy and ribs

“NOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO STAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAP”

“You wanted to punish yourself right? So here it is! Best part is you’re smiling and laughing which makes me happy”

“YOUOHOUHOUHOUHOUHOU AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHASS”

“That’s not very nice Y/N-chan! Now I’ll have to tickle you more!”

He moves his hands up to my armpits and somehow thinking ahead he flipped me over and sat all in one motion while keeping my wrists pinned under his legs and just going wild fluttering his fingers all over my torso and armpits with seemingly no intention to stop

“Wow, Y/N-chan you’re so cute and ticklish!”

“NOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOOHOHO STAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAP PLEAHEHEHEEHHEEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHESE”

“Ok ok ok I’ll stop now”

He gets up off me and pulls me in for another kiss and a hug

“I’m paying for dinner tonight by the way”

“No I’m gonna pay. I don’t care if you think you should. You won your game so it’s my treat”

“B-but I-I-I-”

“No buts I’m paying”

“Meanie I should be paying for you for performing so well :( “

“You can pick the place though”

“Fine”

“Do you want lessons for music because you seemed quite interested and dumbstruck during the woodwind feature”

“Sounds good to me! And I’ll give you volleyball lessons in return!”

“GET A ROOM YOU TWO EW!”

And with that we were off to dinner

But not before he got me a f/c f/s/a and a bouquet of f/f

—---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I might make a part 2 I haven't decided

#ler!oikawa #lee!reader #ticklish!reader #marchingbandreader #oikawa toru x reader #haikyuu!! tickling #haikyuu x reader

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arttheclown · 11 months

Text

paragraphs of bad mental health stuff under the cut don’t mind me 💀

i love finishing school and realizing i truly need to begin adulthood and focusing on things like building a writing CV and getting my driver’s license and most importantly breaking away from my severely controlling & emotionally abusive mother and then just. every bad fucking thing from the last 10 years hitting me in the face lol. my father’s deterioration and death and a really violent incident with him i don’t like to talk about. a lifetime of my mother micromanaging nearly everything i do, abusing me, gaslighting me, and refusing to let me grow up to this day. a string of abusive and manipulative codependent friendships that ended in ugly and sometimes public falling-outs. my grandpa dying in march and my grandma having to live on her own now. having to see my sister go through a lot of the same shit that i have and desperately hoping she can be helped in time so she’s not 2 years away from being 30 and just falling the fuck apart lol

i’ve spent so many years saying i’m fine and i’ll get over it and move through it but everything has gone still right now. i can’t run anymore. i physically cannot lie and downplay things and say i’m fine anymore. i am unable. i have become a people-pleaser to the point where doing things purely for myself — sometimes knowing i’m the one who gets more out of it than anyone else — is a foreign concept to me. i cannot do things anymore if i feel i’m mostly doing them to just please someone else because then i start panicking & i know that’s progress but god!!! it feels like shit!!! these growing pains hurt so bad!!! and then i start agonizing over potentially disappointing people and uugghuhh i don’t like it. i don’t like it at all.

i want to do things but everything feels so fucking terrifying right now. realizing the extent that i’ve been traumatized is miserable and i don’t even like admitting it because then i feel like i’m lying or trying to get attention. i don’t know if i have fucking ptsd because that’s such a severe disorder but at the very least i’m going through a period where even little things petrify me & sometimes just getting through a day feels like an accomplishment. i love food and i’ve been agonizing over making sure i’m nourished properly on top of dealing with selective eating that i’m almost positive is because of my autism. i am a small person — if i lose any more weight i will get sick and that frightens me. and i’m painfully aware that the reason this is probably happening in the first place is because i am so used to worrying about SOMETHING that my mind can’t accept peace and is now inventing issues and it sucks. this isn’t a new issue for me but it sucks. it feels like hypervigilance or something. idk.

i kept hoping that maybe i would bounce back on my own like i’ve done in the past and maybe i can but i don’t know if i’m able to waiting and how many pep talks i can keep giving myself, nor do i want to constantly rely on others for comfort. i’m fortunate enough that i live in a part of the world where i don’t have to pay for doctor’s appointments so i might just go and see if mine can get me some help because 🥴 i don’t know how many bad weeks i am capable of having right now! i’m gonna be honest!

it’s going to suck likely paying for therapy. it’s going to suck potentially finding a new therapist if it turns out i’m uncomfortable with the one i’ve had since childhood because don’t get me wrong he’s a nice man but i don’t know if he even recognizes i’m autistic on top of other things lol. i really do not want to end up on anxiety medication or antidepressants and want to believe self-medicating with weed is enough but i don’t know anymore.

i just needed to write these feelings out somewhere. i can’t silently carry them with me anymore. they’re too heavy. i hope things get even a little easier soon.

#negative /

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mrpenguinpants · 3 years

Text

Xiao: First Kiss HCs

I’m so sorry it took me actually forever to reply to you. But I really hope you like this and it was somewhat worth the wait;; I tried really hard but ty for liking my Xiao content and yes! Let’s be absolute trash for Xiao. In this house we only believe in Xiao supremacy 💕💕

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Semi Part 1: Friendship

Semi Part 2: Falling in Love

Semi Part 3: Cuddles

Semi Part 4: Protective

Semi Part 5: Affection

Semi Part 6: Jealously

Semi Part 8: Opposites Attract

Semi Part 9: String of Fate [Soulmate] HCs

Semi Part 10: [ Fainting ]

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Childe Ver: First Kiss HCs

Venti & Kaeya: Mistletoe HCs

Venti, Xingqiu, and Razor: Kissing HCs

Considering how many more Xiao fics I need to write. This semi part link might not be a good idea lol. Also let’s ignore if I wrote in a kiss in a previous post haha.

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[taglist] <- if you want to be added, please read this first.

@hanniejji @mikeysbike @unionwitch @musekala @twistedsunnshiii @stanzastic @akaasea @xoneaboveallx @adoring-ghost @asheseiler @childelover@youaskedfurret @snowy224

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Xiao: First Kiss HCs

When you and Xiao first got together. It was a slow and steady process of learning each other boundaries and what felt comfortable. Xiao knew he was a difficult partner but you loved him and even becoming his friend was a slow and worthwhile adventure. It started off small leading from small handholding, to cuddling, to showing each other affection. But the one area that you both weren’t familiar in was kisses. He was an isolated adepti and you were an adventurer. You didn’t have any experience in being kissed and Xiao sure as hell didn’t either. Plus it was a lot more intimate and nerve wracking compared to holding hands and that was an hard hill to tackle in itself.

You didn’t mind that he wasn’t comfortable with initiating affection or never went in or talked about kisses. You were just happy that he was by your side and that your love was reciprocated. That he was comfortable in your presence and seemed content in your arms. It still made you a bit giddy when you reflected on how far you both came and that was enough for you. Xiao, on the other hand, couldn’t exactly say the same. While he was happy and he was content, he couldn’t help but feel that maybe your relationship was too one-sided? He knew that you were comfortable and okay with waiting for him to work out his issues and figuring out how to love again but he also really wanted to do more. He just wasn’t sure how to start.

It suddenly dawned on him one day when he saw you off on your next journey, that he had never really kissed you. Even a small goodbye kiss. It was usually you initiating affection or giving words of love and you always told him that it didn’t matter if he said it or not. His actions said more which always made him flush a bit. But on slow and quiet days where you were off on another adventure and Liyue was calm, he couldn’t help but let his mind wander to you. To your face, your bright eyes that would light up whenever you talked about the interesting sights you saw on your journey, the curve of your nose whenever he tapped it when you started to ramble on to much, your lips and how they would spread into a soft smile when it was just the two of you.

Xiao quickly flipped himself up into a sitting position and groaned into his hands. What was happening to him? He needed to take a walk to clear his mind again. He’s been going out a lot since he met you. He had faced an army of demons and fought in a war and yet this felt like the hardest challenge of his entire thousand year long life. He could almost hear Guizhong’s laughter at his predicament and her words of wisdom saying to take whatever problem he had and face it head on. Just without his spear. The spear needs to stay home.

So the next time you visited Wangshu Inn he asked for you to close your eyes. You complied but you were surprised, sitting by the railing facing Liyue up on the balcony. Was he going to gift you something? This was the first time he asked you to close your eyes but you trusted him. You could almost feel the anxiety waving off Xiao so you kept quiet and patient and waited for him to be ready.

He was ready. He could do this. You weren’t even looking at him so what was there to be worried about? He slowly leaned in, just hovering above your lips. But then he leaned back a bit, flushing red. He nearly chewed his lip before stopping since you probably didn’t want to taste blood. It wasn’t that he wasn’t ready or he thought that you would hate it, he was just nervous in messing up. What if his accidently transformed? What if he accidently pushed you off the railing? Even worse, what if someone showed up and saw you both like this?

Turns out he didn’t need to worry. Somewhat. Zhongli, who Xiao knew now was actually Rex Lapis in disguise, made a sudden appearance behind him. The whiplash of suddenly seeing his Master, the nervous butterfly’s fluttering in his stomach, and pep talk Xiao was trying to pound into his mind made him suddenly lurch forward and kiss you deeply. A bit too deeply as his little fangs nipped at your bottom lip.

“Zhongli!?”

“Rex Lapis?!”

You both quickly broke apart as your eyes flew open when you heard the man but also surprise at the sudden but, not completely unpleasant, pain and pressure on your lips. You could almost see the soul leave Xiao’s body when he spun around to see the surprised Zhongli. It was silent for a moment, all three of you just staring at each other. You were still processing what the hell just happened, Xiao was trying to find a way to astral project, and Zhongli was computing the fact that yes, the ever grumpy and “don’t touch me” yaksha both had a lover and was in the middle of...courting.

“Oh. My apologies. I wasn’t aware you were both occupied. I shall take my leave and visit another day then.” Zhongli simply nodded and left before you or Xiao could say anything. You both stared at the empty figure of where Zhongli was before you started to burst into laughter at the situation. You really felt bad, you did honestly, but with all the overwhelming emotions you couldn’t help but laugh.

“I’m...sorry. I didn’t know he was going to visit today,” Xiao muttered as he pressed his hand into his face and groaned at the embarrassing moment. You could see the tips of his ears were getting redder by the second which made you chuckle. For such a fearsome Yaksha he was really cute sometimes.

“It’s okay Xiao. I don’t mind. But are you alright?” you stifled the last of your giggles and reached out to pull him closer and remove his hand from his red face before cupping his cheek. He huffed but leaned into your hand. He really was sometimes like a cat.

“Are you hurt? Was I...too forward?” Xiao asked but he still wouldn’t look you in the eye. The floor was very interesting this afternoon. Wood was nice. Wood was good.

“No! It was...nice,” you answered, starting to go a bit pink yourself now before you felt a stinging pain in the corner of your lip, “Ah. I think you might accidently bit my lip though.”

“I see,” Xiao was now looking at you with his piercing eyes as he watched your small pink tongue brush over the corner of your bottom lip. His attention began to focus on that small part as the world seem to narrow down. Just the two of you. But unlike when you both would lie on top of the inn and watch the sun go down he felt hungry.

“Do you-”

Before you could ask anything Xiao suddenly pounced and pressed his lips against yours in a heated kiss. He took you by surprise but you quickly recovered as you gripped the purple ribbon on his back and yanked him forward as his hands slammed against the railing, trapping you. You felt his tongue press against your lips as you slowly opened them to let him in. It was overwhelming and you were sure if you hadn’t been grabbing onto the purple ribbon you would have fell over but then a sudden deep rumble snapped you out of your trance.

“Xiao? Are you...Are you purring?” you giggled when you got a tiny but of separation from the lack of air but he frowned at you, really it looked more like a pout, before leaning over once again. Just barely brushing over your lips as he whispered

“Meow”

---

This isn’t even OOC anymore. I feel like I’m writing a fucking k-drama right now, what am I doing anymore? English? Huh? I do not compute.

I’ve just awakened something in me with Cat! Xiao and I am flying with it (and casually ignoring lore. Isn’t he a bird?). Heading straight for the stratosphere and you cannot stop me. Just gonna hide away in shame now don’t look at me.

Okay. Time to commit sleep for uh 2 hours lol. I’m really tired but I feel kinda proud of myself haha. Tomorrow’s fics are going to be Venti, Lisa and Diluc pairing, and Venti and Barbara pairing. Good night!

Oh, and yes there is a lot more Xiao content to come and uhh might continue this cat!xiao idea. Unless that’s too weird. I’m sorry don’t shame me pls 😰

my god tumble just work. i dont want to deal with you and your tags.

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babyjamiebarnes · 3 years

Text

Build-A-Bear

Part One

Featuring: Bucky x Stark!reader, dad!Tony, Peter Parker (platonic), background MCU characters

Warnings: [chapter] language; [series] language, smut, violence

Summary: The only people who knew she was actually a Stark were her dad, her step-mom Pepper, and her “uncles” Happy and Rhodey. A promotion within Stark Industries takes her from an already-sought after position in the Weapons Anaylsis Unit straight to the Avengers as a Weapons Enhancement Specialist... which means her dad is her new boss. There’s only one rule at work: no fraternizing with coworkers. There’s one more rule at home: no dating any Avengers. So what is she supposed to do when a grumpy super soldier becomes not-so-grumpy around her? At 25, do her dad’s rules still apply? Or is her entire livelihood at risk?

Author’s Note: I’ve written a decent portion of this but know I won’t keep writing it or post it unless I hold myself accountable and get it out there in the first place 🙈 I haven’t written much for Marvel yet but I’ve read plenty and have written for other fandoms in the past (not to mention the writing degree on my wall lol). I’ll try to post every 2-3 days to keep this moving! And if you like it and want to, buy me a coffee!

No one knew Tony Stark had a daughter. No one but Tony Stark and his daughter. Well, and her step-mom Pepper. And her godfather Rhodey. And her uncle-not-uncle Happy. But no one in their everyday lives knew. She was given her mother’s maiden name and kept a secret, even when she turned 17 and moved to a small apartment near NYU’s campus (with Happy stationed right next door, of course) to start life as a truly normal adult, or as close to normal as an undercover Stark could be. When she graduated with her PhDs in robotics and electrical engineering at 25 — proving brains really do run in the family — she moved into her own apartment in Manhattan, funded by her father under the pseudonym “Michael Myers.” Subtlety was never his strong suit.

Fortunately for you, growing up without the Stark name let you live a relatively normal life. It also allowed you to apply for a position within Stark Industries without being ushered past any red tape because of who your father is. Outside of the financial advantage you had, you worked for your spot in a STEM career. You suffered through every man in your field belittling your work despite knowing less than you. You dealt with the constant interruptions and “well, actually” because of your gender. You powered through late nights and early mornings when your mind was flowing too smoothly to quit.

The last thing you wanted to do was have all that work disregarded because you shared a name with genius billionaire playboy philanthropist Tony Stark. So you filled out the application, sent in your resume and cover letter, and attached three letters of recommendation from your professors. You went through hours of interviews, background checks (conveniently redacting your father’s name), and polygraph tests until that offer letter showed up in your email. You even had to sign the Non-Disclosure Agreements that would bar you from discussing *anything* work-related with anyone outside of your department.

You spent your first year in the weapons analysis department, evaluating alien weaponry and determining how it worked and how to disable it. You had your fair share of mishaps, of course. Holes blasted into walls, fried robot dummies, even burnt animal carcasses. By the end of your first year, your supervisor sent a commendation and proposal for you for an undisclosed promotion. After Pepper Potts “thoroughly examined your resume, cover letter, and accomplishments during your tenure with Stark Industries,” as the letter read, you were awarded a position working on the Avengers’ weapons as a Weapons Enhancement Specialist. You’d never see a fight in-person, but you were assigned to work on advancements and post-battle repairs for everyone, from the Winter Soldier’s arm to the Falcon’s wings to Vision’s... everything. The only heroes you wouldn’t work on were Iron Man and War Machine (those were your dad’s territory) and Spider-Man.

On your first day in your new position, the one and only Pepper Potts showed you to your new lab on the 47th floor. It took all your willpower to look your step-mother in the eye and say, “Wow, Miss Potts. This is amazing. It’s such an honor to meet you,” with a straight face to convince any passerby that you had no outside affiliation with her. Even if her eyes stayed steady on you, you could see her mentally rolling them.

Once you were alone behind the doors of the elevator, conversation changed course.

“You’re going to be sharing a lab with someone else,” Pepper said.

“Sweet. As long as they’re competent, that’s fine by me,” you shrugged. Part of earning your degrees was learning to share a workspace with others, even those who bumbled and fumbled with no idea what they were doing. You’d had more hair singed by nearby explosions than you’d like to admit.

“He’s still in college so he’s not here as often as the others. Most of his work will be on Spider-Man’s gadgets and suit, but you can use him for any help you need.”

Walking past the familiar faces of Dr. Banner and Dr. Cho in their respective labs, Pepper ushered you into your lab, where you were met by your father and put on the same excited facade you did with Pepper.

“Oh my god, you’re Tony Stark! This is incredible! It’s such an honor to meet you, sir!”

He shook his head at you and reluctantly accepted your outstretched hand. Oh, the jokes you’d be making at family dinners.

“Yeah, anyway, this is your new lab, Miss [Y/L/N]. Make yourself at home. This lab rat over here is mister Parker. If you have any questions, he can at least bullshit an answer for you.”

The young man on the other side of the lab perked up at the sound of his name. He tugged the goggles off his face and set down his soldering rod to rush over to you.

“Hi. Hi, I’m Peter,” he said, reaching his hand out to you.

“I’m [Y/N]. It’s nice to meet you, lab partner.”

He looked to be a bit younger than you and at least relatively smart, if the MIT sweatshirt peeking out from under his lab coat said anything. If your dad gave him an internship like this, you knew you shouldn’t question it. He had to be a genius.

The kid just smiled at you, continuing to shake your hand past what most would deem socially acceptable.

“Okay, enough of that,” Tony said, pushing on your joined hands to separate you two. “Mister Parker might be in and out of the lab from time to time. He joins the Avengers on the occasional recon mission for immediate repairs but since he’s on break from classes, you’ll see him more often than not. Play nice.”

When he noticed you surreptitiously looking Peter up and down, he added, “Remember, no fraternizing with coworkers.” He pointed a finger directly at you before he spun and pointed to your fellow lab mate, realizing he should warn Peter too to save face.

“All the blueprints you need for the Tin Man’s arm are in the system. We’ll have you start on that and see what you can do about minimizing the sound that thing makes. Any other questions, give Pep a call.”

“Thank you, mister Stark. I really do appreciate everything,” you said genuinely.

“Yeah, well… don’t let me down,” he replied, patting you on the shoulder on his way out. Pepper followed close behind, leaving you alone with Peter Parker.

“So Peter,” you started, sliding onto the lab chair next to where he remained standing, “tell me about yourself.”

“Uh… what do you want to know?” he asked as he shoved his hands into his coat pockets.

“How old are you?” you asked immediately.

“I’m 21.”

Only four years younger than you. So you’d probably get along just fine.

“I assume you’re at MIT?” He nodded. “What are you studying?”

“Biomolecular and mechanical engineering.” He said it so casually, you’d think he was talking about the last song he heard on the radio.

“Damn,” you responded, eyes wide. “I thought robotics and electrical engineering was wild but fuck, that sounds like hell.”

He laughed and nodded, letting a bit of the tension in his shoulders fall. “Yeah, it’s not easy. But it’s worth it.”

He shot you a small smile before gesturing back at his project. “I should probably get back to work and let you get started.”

For the rest of the day, you familiarized yourself with the Winter Soldier’s arm to figure out how to… turn the volume down? You assumed it was the gears inside causing the noise, but part of you wanted to outfit an audio jack and speaker just to fuck with your dad.

You and Peter worked in relative silence, aside from the playlist he had quietly playing through the lab sound system. When lunch rolled around, however, you finally spoke up.

“Hey Peter,” you called, his eyes flicking from the chemical beakers in front of him up to you. “First of all, what are you doing?”

“Um, it’s Spider-Man’s web fluid. Just trying to find more durable combinations.”

“Interesting.” As much as you wanted to touch the stringy substance, you knew better than to fiddle with someone else’s lab work. “Okay so second thing, in my last position, I’d just order food and have it brought to my floor but now that I’m on an exclusive floor, what do you do for lunch?”

“Oh, there are a couple security guys who have clearance to come into this floor. They just can’t get into any rooms so you’d have to meet them at the elevator. But I usually find something in the kitchen down the hall.”

“Oh, sweet. Thanks!” you said as you made your way out the door. Before you could fully exit, you turned back to see if Peter wanted you to grab anything. Once he promised he’d take his own break ‘once I get this one thing figured out,’ you continued to make your way to the kitchen.

As you drew closer to the doorway, you could hear three voices speaking over each other. They didn’t sound angry, but they were definitely arguing. You opened the door anyway and almost immediately froze in your tracks. The Falcon stood with one hand on his own head and one on the Winter Soldier’s head while Captain America rolled his eyes before those same eyes landed on you, along with the rest of the room.

“Perfect,” Sam started. “Hey new girl, between the three of us,” he said, pointing to himself, the Soldier, and the Captain, “who has the best hair?”

“First of all, my name is [Y/N]. Second,” you continued, making your way past them to the fridge you hoped your dad kept stocked with goodies, “that’s an unfair question.”

You grabbed a soda and popped it open before turning back to the three men. “Your hair suits each of you. Cap wouldn’t look good with Winter Soldier hair and Falcon wouldn’t look good with Cap’s hair.” You took a few steps closer, leaning against the island counter between you and eyeing each of them. Your eyes settled on the Winter Soldier, unashamedly flitting across his face and admiring the sharpness of his features. “You,” pointing at him, “could probably pull off either of their looks, though.”

Bucky smirked at you, but his rosy cheeks gave away a hint of embarrassment at your compliment. Steve and Sam, on the other hand, weren’t taking it quite as gracefully.

“What?!” Sam shouted. “Okay, now I know you’re lying. I could pull off Cap’s hair for sure.”

“You know, I think shaggy hair would really suit me,” Cap said, only half sarcastically.

You giggled to yourself as the three of them started talking over each other again, all dead set on their own hair being the best of them and positive they could pull off the others’ looks. While they bickered, you searched the pantry until you found a snack to at least get you through the remainder of the day.

“Alright boys, it’s been fun but I have work to do,” you said as you walked past them again. “Actually, wait. Bucky — can I call you Bucky?” He nodded even though you continued anyway. “If you could stop by lab six today, I’d love to check out your arm in person. The digital renderings aren’t quite the same.”

“Uh, okay. Sure. I’ll find you,” he said quietly.

“Sweet, thanks!” And with that, you skedaddled back to your lab.

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x Stark!reader #Stark!reader #bucky x reader #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes series #bucky x Stark!reader

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the-writers-bookshelf · 2 years

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hey, aubrey! i just wanted to say that i've been seriously struggling with my creativity lately, doing a lot of comparisons and going down rabbit holes over a material lack of engagement. a crisis of confidence, basically. i still haven't worked through it but your pep talk and writing tags have been a real godsend for me. on some days it's felt like a friend telling me to be gentle with myself and not give up. so thank you, it's truly meant a lot<3

I'm so sorry you're going through that, lovely!! Sending all the hugs to you! ♥♥♥ I'm very happy to offer any little pieces of encouragement I can that might help to beat back those sneaky self-doubt gremlins!

I don't know if this will help?? or if this is even close to what you're going through right now?? but I'm gonna throw it out there anyway:

I had a rough 2-3 years where my writing gradually dropped off to a trickle. It was a heady combination of a bunch of things all at the same time:

perfectionism paralysis

negative influences

general discouragement

that dread comparison game

self-doubts galore

I remember thinking, "Well, maybe I just don't like writing anymore. Maybe it's not my thing like I had originally thought it was."

I've made some changes this year and I feel like I've come out of a fog. I've written more in one month than I have in those 2-3 years COMBINED.

I felt like I would never get back to this kind of a relationship with my writing. I thought I was doomed to forever struggling away and never hitting that "smooth" vibe again that I loved so much.

Now, I feel more comfortable and "loose" with my writing than I ever have before.

But it was a bumpy road to get to this point. It didn't happen overnight. And there are still times where I have to fight my brain when I start to doubt myself.

The reason I'm telling you all that is because I think it's important to talk about those low points with creative people and how suffocating they can feel.

But they don't have to stop you.

It's okay to feel bad. It's okay to have "dormant" periods because you're just not mentally or physically up to writing.

The low points are there to grant you a whole new appreciation for your writing when you come out of the other side of this dark tunnel you're in right now. It will make you stronger because you fought to get back to your writing - self-doubts, comparisons, and lack of engagement be damned.

I know it SUUUUUUUCKS so bad to go through it. Everything feels heavy and gross and "what's the point?"

Let yourself rest.

Practice talking kindly to yourself.

And write a little something for your eyes alone, whether that's fanfiction for fun or just keeping a journal. Just spend some time writing without expectations if that's what makes you feel better.

It will get better, I promise! Hang in there! ♥♥♥

#asks #anonymous

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pointnumbersixteen · 3 years

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How do you see The Captain's coming out, and growth in confidence and self acceptance thereafter taking place?

I like this question! …and I’m probably going to elaborate on it a bit more than many people will want to read (I noticed back when I was regularly writing essay length posts that they did not get a lot of love) and it’s probably going to get even more ramble-y than usual (brain has not been braining as cooperatively as it should recently and the decision to drink half a bottle of wine right before answering this- sorry- probably does not help), but here we are.

About coming out scenarios, none of mine are particularly elaborate. While I do think he needs to come out for his story line to progress, I can’t imagine him making a big thing out of it (long or elaborate announcements, heart-to-hearts, emotional displays of bearing his authentic self or any of the like), either with the group, or person-by-person, for several reasons:

First off, that sort of a coming-out to-do is a more modern notion, and I doubt he was a particularly modern person even when he was alive, seventy-five years ago. His notions of privacy and propriety are probably much more conservative than ours, and I feel like that makes it unlikely that he’d go into any sort of detail, at least at early in this process, about his feelings/emotions or the specificities of his attractions. We’re talking about a man who doesn’t even use his own name. It’s difficult to picture him going into depth about his desires and love life.

Secondly, he’s a bit of a social coward. (He’s not a physical coward, of course, he jumped on that bomb in the garden without hesitation, and acknowledged after the fact that he gotten caught up in the moment, and therefore hadn’t really thought about how a bomb couldn’t hurt him.) And I get it, I’m a bit of a social coward, too, so no judgement. He probably faced a lot of ridicule in his life. Being a social coward is totally fair. But he doesn’t put himself into situations that might involve awkward interpersonal interactions if he can help it, and legs it whenever interactions he’s already in become to awkward for him. I feel like he’s probably quite desperate (although he’d never admit to it) to save face and protect what bits of his ego remain unscathed.

Think about it: he could have spoken to Fanny on his own about her nightly screaming disturbing him in s1e1, they have a clear association established at the outset of the show, they leave Heather’s room together at the end of the very first scene, but he doesn’t do so until he has the weight of the whole group to back him up about the screaming at their meeting. He had to buck up his courage and give himself his little ‘over the top we go’ pep talk before going to speak to Alison in Gorilla War. Also, if there was actually something wrong with his soldiers’ horseplay after hours in Reddy Weddy- if it was breaking regulations or even his own orders for quiet hours- and he heard it, he could have gone down directly when he heard it, confronted whoever was involved and order them to stop or put them on report. But no, instead he addressed the entire group of soldiers in a sixteen point morning brief. He even dispatched Pat to confront Alison about the party in s2e2, instead doing it himself… and spit out his apology/reconciliation with Pat at the end as fast as possible. And as for legging it when things get awkward, see his retreats following the group confronting him in Getting Out and after Alison telling him he wasn’t needed in the Grey Lady- and on a more figurative than literal level, but most relevantly, his quick turn from ‘I’ll miss you’ to ‘we’ll miss you’ with Havers in Reddy Weddy.

This is not a man who wants to be in awkward or embarrassing situations. And I think that coming out, at least at first, will probably be a bit embarrassing for him- it was scandalous in his time, and I think it will take him longer to get over that feeling and come to terms with himself than it will to finally acknowledge that he’s gay. So I doubt he’d make more of it than he utterly feels he has to, at least at first. And of course, he’d have to be a bit afraid that people would judge him or stop associating with him over it, as sadly, in his own time many people would have done, and most of the ghosts are from even earlier times than he was. So that might add more hesitation…

And thirdly, he doesn’t like and/or respect many of his house mates. The other twentieth century ghosts are the only ones he spends much time with. I doubt he’d go out of his way to communicate much of anything to the rest if it wasn’t “mission related” much less discuss his sexuality with them. He mostly disregards Humphrey. See his, “Oh, it’s you.” Mary obviously doesn’t like him and he only associates with her when it might be useful for his ‘missions.’ He clearly doesn’t think much of Thomas and doesn’t really even bother including him in his plans. These aren’t people he’s going to have heart-to-hearts with.

With those constraints in place, here’s a non-exhaustive list of possibilities by which I might see his coming out finally happening. They’re really just scenarios I made for myself on how I might see him coming out and I like to keep my options open (the first three are strategies he might go for, the last is an alternate scenario, presented in decreasing levels of directness on his part):

1) The ‘pull the bandage off quickly and hope it doesn’t sting too much’ strategy.

The Captain waits for the end of one of their various group activities or meetings, where all announcements seem to be made, gets up, clears his throat, stammers a bit, announces it tersely, using the most proper popular word for homosexuality that existed in his time (think: “Heh-hem. Er. Um. Well. It has recently come to my attention that I am- er- well- as it happens- gay. I, uh, thought it should be noted. That is all.”), and then beats a hasty retreat, so he doesn’t have to try to cope with the potentially negative aftermath. Of course, there isn’t a negative aftermath, because many of the ghosts already have guessed and the rest don’t really care. Someone, probably Pat, because he does the bulk of the emotional labor in the group, and more importantly, he’s Cap’s closest friend, would have to go after him. He would of course be initially defensive, and Pat would have to sooth his feathers a bit- or maybe just spit it out over his defensiveness- that he guessed a long time ago and so had plenty of other people, and they were just waiting for him to be ready, and really, it’s fine, and no one’s going to disown him for it.

2) The ‘well maybe I should tell my friends with the hope they support me’ strategy.

He gets together with a small group, the people whose company he actually values, definitely Fanny and Pat, maybe Julian, probably Alison either at the same time or after he finishes with his ghosts pals, and says it in much the same way as the previous scenario, but waiting for their reactions rather than retreating straight away. Pat and Alison, I expect, would answer with something like ‘yeah, we figured that one out a long time ago, actually, and it’s completely fine’ and Julian’s reaction would probably be something like, ‘well, obviously.’ Fanny’s had a lot of character growth since season one, when I expect her reaction would have been very shrill and judgmental, probably still would be a touch less warm and/or nonchalant, but I picture it as something like a sigh, followed by a pat on the arm and something like, ‘well, I still like you better than everyone else here, anyway.’ Word would eventually trickle to everyone else by way of social osmosis. Or not. No one seems to care if Humphrey or the plague ghosts are well informed.

3) The ‘I’m not brave enough to actually go through the process of actually telling anyone anything about me so let’s just drop hints and hope everyone figures it out without making a big deal about it’ strategy.

The indirect approach (I’m rather fond of this one, but mostly because it was my own primary coming out approach)… he first sends out feelers to certain people on the topic of homosexuality, probably Alison, since she’s modern, hosted a lesbian wedding, and very much implied that she’d be ready to keep scandalous secrets for him in Reddy Weddy, and possibly maybe also Julian, as he’s the most sexually experienced/knowledgeable, and after Alison spent a while inundating him with ‘it’s okay to be gay’ messages (along with a sudden and entirely unexplained influx of LGBT media) as she’s socially clever enough to see that’s what he’s looking for and after Julian spent a while telling him probably far more than he ever actually wanted to know about the potentialities of gay sex, that might boost the Captain’s confidence enough to let him start dropping hints to people, instead of telling them outright (consciously commenting on the attractiveness of men they see rather than occasionally accidentally blurting it out- see ‘the handsome one’- occasionally putting forth an opinion or stance on the LGBT world ‘it would have been nice if gay marriage was acceptable when I was alive,’ maybe occasionally mentioning how certain men would make cute couple), expecting them to meet him in the middle and figure out the point on their own… of course, many of them have already realized, so this isn’t a problem. It’s entirely possible, though, that Mary (world view not terribly grounded in reality) and Kitty (lack of life experience and/or instruction about life, see the how are babies made subplot) never pick up the hints on their own and someone else eventually has to tell them.

4) The ‘someone puts him out of his misery’ scenario.

Cap acknowledges to himself that he’s gay first and then, wishing to avoid embarrassment or lack of acceptance, obviously, awkwardly, painfully tries to disguise it and in doing so draws attention to it, until a third party decides to put him out of his misery and tell him that many of them figured it out ages ago and that everyone is fine with it. Maybe Pat. Maybe Alison. I kind of like the idea of it being Fanny (with her lovely character growth and her couple of suspicious glances his way in the Perfect Day), actually, by way of something like ‘You know, I was entirely prepared to continue on living with my husband, George, keeping his secrets, about the, uh, sort of person he was, and you’re at least one better than him, given that you at least never murdered me- or, for that matter, never married some poor woman you had no interest in to shield yourself from scrutiny… and so, what I’m saying is, I wouldn’t turn my back on you for being the, uh, sort of person you are, either, and maybe things have progressed enough that you don’t actually have to keep secrets at all.’ Cap would take all of this in with a mixture of mortification and relief. I’m rather fond of this scenario, too.

As for the second bit of the question, once his sexuality is out there, though, and no one judges him or hates him for it- and some are quite supportive- I do see him becoming more self-accepting. If no one’s judging him, does he need to judge himself so harshly? And also more confident. Because some of those things that he’s always felt different about and in the past has probably been ridiculed about in the past (even if he’s in denial about being gay, he and quite a few other people had to at the very least note that he’s not particularly interested in women), are, apparently just fine now. So he’s a bit more just fine now himself. And that weight of always trying to be someone else, someone who’s just right, can lift and he can relax a bit more. And that would probably help him a lot, too. I see it as a slow sort of thawing process. No matter what way he comes out, I still see Alison as very helpfully providing a variety of LGBT media to help this process along. And maybe he’d eventually get to the point where he processed enough and warmed up enough to be able to talk more in depth, at least with his friends, about what it was like being him in repressed pre-war Britain, and what sort of men he’s attracted to (I enjoy the idea of him and Fanny- gradually overcoming her own repression- scoping out hot men together). Maybe he’ll even luck out one of his male housemates will decide (or has already decided) that bisexuality is a valid option and he’ll get a date (insert whichever ghost y’all ship him with here). I bet Alison would totally help him set up a nice date, too, with her convenient still-functional-in-the-mortal-realm hands. And it would be nice to maybe see him get a taste of actual happiness.

#bbc ghosts #the captain #coming out #sorry for the giant block of text friends #i find it difficult to help myself

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ashesandhalefire · 3 years

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would love to hear your complicated feelings on the michael/sanders scene in context!

okay so this is messy because my thoughts are still a little all over the place, but the issues i had were specifically with the new power reveal, and they were basically 1) the way they've handled the pod squad gaining new abilities, and 2) the decision to give michael in particular this ability and backstory

i wish the reasoning was more nuanced and meaningful but a lot of it is just "i don't vibe with this" and "i think it's dumb" lmao

so i'm starting to get less and less impressed with how they're rolling out this "aliens can have more than one skill" idea. sometimes the concept comes across as Very Sexy but the execution less so. i wanted to actually see them learning these new skills. i wanted to see them tutoring each other and practicing and doing stuff wrong and getting frustrated and feeling weird trying to learn powers that are different from the ones that have been a part of them for their whole lives. but isobel's telekinesis was really the only new skill that got any screen time, and i think michael was only sort of grudgingly there for one scene of it. healing hasn't been mentioned (to my recollection?), and mindscape practice has been mostly off-screen and it seemed more about deflection in case they were pulled into jones's mindscape and less about learning to influence people. and now it's starting to feel like we're just sort of rolling out new full-fledged abilities left and right. like, there are really only three or so, but it feels like oprah is behind the scenes going YOU GET A POWER AND YOU GET A POWER and doesn't feel as organic as i'd like it to feel. and at least reading auras and telepathy have mindscape vibes and feel like natural extensions of that power. but why is firebending now a whole new subset of powers? what are the limits of these alien abilities? how many more undiscovered powers are there? and that's not even mentioning the proficiency with swords. that feels like a decently unique kind of weapon to fight with, but it doesn't require any practice. we just dig that sucker up and the spirit of mom says "fuck 'em up, girlie." who cares if jones has been fighting with it for decades (centuries? i'm unclear on the length of this guy's life lol). he's not good enough to beat a really motivated novice. anyway! now we're saying that michael has secretly been able to jump into heads and control people for ten years but he doesn't use the power because he's terrified that it makes him evil and his siblings will be disgusted with him. and despite the fact that he hasn't practiced this power in ten years, a large part of the "beat the bad guy" plan hinges on his being able to overpower jones's control of the sheriff, meaning that the incident at eighteen isn't being looked at as a fluke when a new power manifests. we're just assuming michael has this fully developed mind control ability lying dormant in his brain. we lay out that michael did this thing, redefined his whole life by this new trauma, and, after a quick pep talk with his pseudo-dad, has processed his fears of his inherent evil enough to confess to his siblings and subject himself to using the power. all in like six minutes of screen time. and his siblings are entirely unaffected by this. they're not like... what??? you lied about a secret power for years??? they're just like [PSA voice, mentor putting a hand on mentee's shoulder] you could never be bad, michael. we love you. and then he DOESN'T EVEN DO IT. he just hops into the mindscape like anyone else could've done and says "pls don't shoot my friends :(" and the sheriff says okay and stops "letting" jones control her. why was this a good way to roll out this new power??? so the whole point of the reveal that michael has this mind control power apparently didn't even have anything to do with the sheriff subplot because he didn't actually use this power to resolve that problem. for now - until it comes back again, which based on some of the other subplots this season is not a guarantee - it was just to heap more trauma on his shoulders and legitimize this "woe is me, i'm a horrible monster!!" yarn they keep trying to spin without actually showing him do anything Truly Bad or Mildly Morally Gray. the sanders conversation is a rehashing of the alex convo from earlier where someone has to insist to michael that his genetics don't make him inherently evil. and the alex one was more effective for me because it was in the immediate aftermath of this massive revelation about who his father was AND michael

thought he was about to get murdered. he was spinning out. but having it happen again like eight episodes later - after michael still hasn't actually done anything to lend some legitimacy to his fears that his bloodline is Unavoidably Evil - doesn't have the same emotional impact. the worst things michael has ever done with his powers were shown back in the first half of s1, and he's be almost entirely reformed since then. so to set up whatever michael/jones showdown must be coming our way, we get the introduction of this ability that michael has never even so much as hinted at having before, and we get the reveal that it has colored how he looks at himself since he was eighteen. what. michael saying that his religious extremist family tried to perform an exorcism on him and couldn't and dallas inferring that he started to believe he was the demon was a good exchange. we already knew about that incident, but michael played it off as no big deal during 1x06. the new conversation helps him to relate to dallas, finds them some common ground, establishes trust, and makes the true emotional depth of what happened to michael explicit. having michael redefine all of his emotional struggles for the last ten years through the lens of "actually i found out that i have the same ability as the alien that possessed my sister and made her kill three girls in front of me, and it has made me view myself as fundamentally evil since that day" is such a bad rewrite of his history. was the history of horribly abusive foster homes insufficient in explaining michael's self-worth issues? was being the victim of a hate crime not enough trauma? was the witnessing and covering up of two separate murders that derailed his entire academic future not enough to make michael question his own goodness or value? why would it be necessary to add this mind control element to really make him feel bad about stuff?

and if ANYONE was going to get a story that dealt with struggles with consent and mental control, why was it not isobel?? why was it not that holding the turquoise enhanced her abilities and enabled her to control people, and she was TERRIFIED of that because of noah?? her consent was violated horribly, and she has struggled horribly with respecting the consent of others. this needed to be her ability to develop and deal with! giving it to michael fully developed also feels like a very handwavey, last minute choice. if this was planned from the beginning, why is this the first that the audience has heard about it? he says he never mentioned it because of isobel, which explains why isobel and max don't know about it. but why doesn't the audience know about it? in s1, michael is adamant that liz leave town. if isobel couldn't get her to go, why didn't michael sneak off and make her leave? why didn't he force her to forget (if that's within the purview of the power)? sure, he doesn't like having this power. but he's also more than willing to sacrifice himself for his siblings. wouldn't a little unethical behavior be worth saving them from experimentation? also if michael has been able to force people to do things all along, where was that energy when alex got kidnapped? why is torturing flint in a basement less inherently evil than just compelling him to tell the truth or compelling helena to let alex and charlie go? i know not everything can be planned from the beginning. but there was no reason this power had to be written like this. it didn't have to be something michael knew he had. but they chose to insert it into his history, and i feel like that was a bad call. - positives about the scene dad!sanders supremacy michael needs a dad figure who's like "you're a good person, you dumbass" and straight up LAUGHS at his assertion that he's evil.

#powderseal #asks for ts #wank for ts #because it's a big ol' complain-fest in here lol #and only actually barely related to the actual michael/sanders convo...

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ourloveisforthelovely · 3 years

Text

On the Mend. Part 2

Harry Potter AU

Link to Part 1

Pairings: Regulus Black x Reader. Sirius Black x Remus Lupin

Rating: M- later chapters

Song in Chapter: The Night We Met by Lord Huron

______

I am not the only traveler Who has not repaid his debt I've been searching for a trail to follow again Take me back to the night we met

And then I can tell myself What the hell I'm supposed to do And then I can tell myself Not to ride along with you

I had all and then most of you, some and now none of you Take me back to the night we met I don't know what I'm supposed to do, haunted by the ghost of you Oh, take me back to the night we met

When the night was full of terrors And your eyes were filled with tears When you had not touched me yet Oh, take me back to the night we met

I had all and then most of you, some and now none of you Take me back to the night we met I don't know what I'm supposed to do, haunted by the ghost of you Take me back to the night we met

Walking into the house, you immediately smelled Regulus’ cologne. You fought the urge to turn and run out of the house. It didn’t matter how much your heart was screaming to run to the man and never let him go. You had to think with your head this time. Renee deserved that much. She didn’t deserve to be torn between two parents. The child also didn’t need to see Regulus hurt you over and over again.

Your mind was also on Ambrosia Parkinson...Black...whatever her last name was now. What if she and Regulus repaired their relationship? Would she be unkind to Renee? What if she wasn’t? The 13-month-old wouldn’t be able to tell you if her stepmother was cruel. Would Regulus even pay enough attention to notice anything strange? Something told you, no.

The better question was how would Ambrosia handle the news that Regulus had a child with another woman? You smirked at the thought of the whole Black family having a major hissy fit because Regulus royally fucked up. Regulus went and knocked up the “Potter girl.” You could see Walburga’s scowl in your mind. The horrible woman would either be on the floor screaming or burning Regulus’ name off of the family tapestry. What a scandal that would be! Sirius was already gone, now her youngest “good” son had sunk to a whole new level of low.

Regulus was lucky that James wasn’t alive right now. Your older brother would have probably tried to kill him by now. James would definitely not sit back and leave it to his best friends to help raise Renee. He would have gone to Grimmauld Place and hexed Regulus until he left Ambrosia to take care of his responsibility.

You had to shake the thoughts of James from your mind. If you wanted to face Regulus and not be sobbing you had to stop thinking of your brother. Regulus didn’t deserve you taking that wrath out on him. He didn’t have anything to do with James or Lily’s deaths.

The hallway to the sitting room was dark. You took a few deep breaths before stepping in. Both Regulus and Remus immediately stood when you walked in. Regulus was paler than you remembered as he opened his mouth to speak a few times but nothing came out. He was still the same handsome boy that you loved so much.

Your attention went to Remus, who was nervously looking between the two of you.

“Remus, we have insurance on this place...right?”

Remus nodded, slightly confused.

“Yes. Why?”

You reached over for the vase that was sitting on the table beside you. Right away you started throwing whatever you could get your hands on at Regulus. Whether it be the shock of you coming after him so violently or something else, Regulus didn’t move quick enough and was pelted by several objects. Finally, he resumed his quick seeker’s reflexes and started smacking stuff away from him as you tossed it.

Remus jumped back, not about to get hit before yelling for Sirius. By the time Sirius put the baby in her playpen and ran into the living room, you had your wand out and was hurling hexes at Regulus. Sirius blinked a few times as Regulus quickly dodged whatever you threw his way.

“A little help here?”

Regulus snapped toward his brother, who shrugged.

“She’s being a lot nicer than I would be.”

Sirius wasn’t about to step in on this one. In his mind, you deserved the right to do whatever you wanted. Remus, meanwhile, quickly wrapped his arms around you from behind.

“Think about Renee. I know that you are hurt and angry but this is her father. Please...this is not you Y/n.”

He whispered in your ear. Remus kept his voice low enough so that only you would hear. You trembled a few times before lowering your wand and putting it in Remus’ outstretched hand. Remus gave you a gentle smile before turning to the wrecked living room.

Regulus meanwhile, looked slightly scared as you turned to face him. He expected you to be hostile but he didn’t expect to get attacked. This behavior wasn’t you. Regulus decided that he had himself to blame for this extreme change in character and he hated it!

You were still the beautiful girl that he had fallen in love with during 6th year. Everything about you was the same. You still had those hazel eyes that could change shades by your mood. There were those full lips that were screaming to be kissed. Everything about you was what Regulus wanted and needed. Only now he was afraid that you would never accept what he had to offer...which wasn’t much.

“What are you doing here?”

You asked, coldly. Regulus regained his calm composure. Moments before he was close to panicking himself. There was no way that he had control of what you had just done to him but maybe if he could just speak...

“I needed to talk to you.”

You narrowed your eyes.

“There are letters and telephones. Both of those work nicely.”

“And you would ignore me.”

Regulus replied. You shrugged.

“Most likely. It would be your own fault. When will you learn foolish boy that if you play stupid games you will win stupid prizes?”

Sirius leaned back and held a hand up.

“She’s got a point.”

Regulus glared at his older brother.

“I didn’t come to talk to you.”

Sirius smirked as you turned back to Regulus.

“You should go home to your wife and be a good husband. I have nothing to offer you.”

You actually had a lot to offer him and both of you knew it. After some time of healing, you could open your heart to him again and love him as you did. There wouldn't have to be any more hiding in the shadows to kiss your lover. You could kiss and hold him as you so desperately wanted to.

He left you! He left you for some pureblood princess who his FAMILY found acceptable. It didn’t matter then that you are a pureblood and it won’t now. Regulus didn’t stand up for your love then why would he now? Don’t let him hurt you again!

Your mind hissed.

It didn’t take Regulus knowing everything about you to know that you were giving yourself some little pep talk that was geared against him. If he could just gain control of this conversation….

“You actually have a lot to offer me. I’m not married to Ambrosia anymore.”

“That’s a pity.”

You muttered before turning and taking the glass of water that Remus was holding out to you.

You actually have a lot to offer me.

You internally snorted at the thought. The only thing that you had to offer him was the heir that sat in the other room happily playing with her blocks. Hell would freeze over before you let the Black family sink their claws into your precious little girl.

Regulus only blinked. He expected your sarcasm to be thrown his way.

“Not really. I didn’t want her anyway.”

You turned.

“Where was that attitude before? I’m sure your mummy is having a fit about her little splendid plan falling apart.”

Regulus frowned.

“I didn’t come to talk about my parents.”

“Well, I don’t know what you want from me, Regulus. You made your feelings quite clear. I loved you. Now you're just a page torn from the story that I’m living.”

Remus, meanwhile, motioned Sirius out of the room. This conversation was becoming a bit more personal than he cared to witness.

Regulus waited until they were out of the room before stepping closer to you.

“I’m sorry that I hurt you. You didn’t deserve to suffer because I didn’t want to upset my parents. If I could go back and do things differently...it would have been you that I married...not her. I love you. I never loved her as I love you. Why the hell do you think that she left me? Ambrosia is a lot of things. Stupid isn’t one of them.”

You raised an eyebrow.

“She knows that you love me...me specifically and not some other girl?”

Regulus nodded. He didn’t let his eyes leave yours.

“Yes. I told her.”

When you started laughing, Regulus felt a bit confused. What was funny about this whole situation? There was nothing funny! Regulus missed the birth of his daughter and broke your heart for no reason yet here you were laughing.

“What’s funny about this?”

He snapped. You had to swallow back another fit of giggles as you turned to see Remus and Sirius watching you looking as baffled as Regulus. Sirius leaned over to Remus and muttered “when a woman starts laughing at you over something stupid that you did that is how you know how fucked you are.” You made a mental note to congratulate him on that comment later before turning back to Regulus.

“What’s funny is all of this bullshit could have been avoided if you would have been a man and stood up to your parents. We wouldn’t have had to go through anything that we would have. Ambrosia wouldn’t be out there wondering what the fuck she did wrong. I must really be crazy because I am sticking up for her ass. By the way, you married a woman named after some kind of fruit salad. At least my name makes sense.”

Regulus crossed his arms over his chest with a scowl.

“Are you done?”

You shook your head. Hell no, you had enough material to make the poor guy listen to for hours. Regulus wasn’t with you when you were going through your own personal hell. He wasn’t there when you had to put your brother and best friend in the ground. When you lost custody of your nephew to a couple of muggle shitheads or when you were in labor for 20+ hours with Regulus’ child. That was Sirius and Remus there. They went through that whole ordeal with you! It was Sirius who did what Regulus was supposed to do when a child was born. Sirius and Remus were the ones walking the floors comforting a colicky Renee at three am when you were so frazzled that you wanted to cry yourself. The keywords here were Sirius and Remus, not Regulus.

“I have a lot of material. You should stick around.”

You replied with a smirk before sitting down on the couch. Regulus was silent for a few moments as he tried to get himself in check. Finally, he couldn’t stand it or remain calm any longer. Expressing his emotions was hard enough but at the moment he wasn’t feeling too shy either.

“Merlin, I fucked up! Fucked up big! What else can I say, Y/n?! I want to be a part of yours and Renee’s life. What about our child? I deserve to be in her life too...if I would have known before I would have been there. As you said, there are telephones and letters. I didn’t get anything that I deserved to get.”

The guilt began to fill your senses again.

“You made it clear that you wanted nothing to do with me. You had your wife and that is where your heart was.”

“I just told you that I didn’t love her. That would have been all the more of a reason for me to walk away.”

Your eyes dropped to his feet.

“You still wouldn’t have left.”

Regulus waited a moment before closing the distance between you. His fingers tilted your face to his.

“I’m here now.”

You stared into his eyes...those beautiful grey-blue eyes that you loved so much.

“Please, love. I’m not going anywhere ever again. You want the lover that you were supposed to have..the father that our daughter should have had from the beginning...I’m right here.”

You put your hand on top of his. Feeling his skin against yours felt more heavenly than you wanted to admit. Regulus’ hand was trembling beneath yours as you pulled away.

“I can’t trust you yet.”

“I’m not a death eater anymore. If that’s what you're scared of too…”

You didn’t turn to face him again.

“I’m not afraid of you being a death eater. I’ve dealt with that since we were 16. I’m afraid of having my heart broken again. That is what I am afraid of.”

You walked out of the room. At the moment, you needed to get some air and fast!

Sirius waited until he heard the front door close before leaning down and scooping Renee up. He smiled down at his little niece.

“Time for you to shine, sweetheart.”

Regulus was still staring at the place where you had been standing when Sirius walked back into the sitting room. The younger brother’s eyes weren’t blinking as he fought the urge to cry. He thought for a brief moment that you would let him kiss you. If he could give you just one kiss...just show you the passion that he still felt...maybe things would be alright? Now he didn’t know where he stood or if you would ever let him back into your life again. As you said, he was just a page torn from the story that you were living.

“You’ll have to give her some time. The last little bit hasn’t been too kind to any of us. We are all afraid to open up to anyone right now.”

Regulus’ head snapped up at his brother’s voice. He froze seeing the little girl in Sirius’ arms. Regulus would have recognized this baby as his from anywhere. She was everything that Regulus could have ever dreamed about.

Sirius smiled down at her.

“She has your eyes and Y/n’s sweet personality...most of the time. You both have dark hair so take that how you want it. Renee, want to say hi to your daddy?”

The little girl looked between her uncle and father before shoving her face in Sirius’ neck. Sirius’ smile faded when Regulus looked down. It didn’t take Sirius being Regulus’ brother to know that the other man was questioning every choice that he had ever made in his life.

“She’s a bit shy at first. Once she warms up to you, you aren’t going to have another quiet moment in your life. She’s finally starting to talk and we are still working on the walking thing. She doesn’t have much desire to learn when someone is always willing to pick her up.”

Renee had slowly turned her attention back to Regulus with a little sly smile.

“See what I mean?”

Sirius said with a smile. He turned his attention to the little stuffed lamb that was laying on the couch.

“Get that toy and bend down.”

Regulus quickly did as he was told as Sirius stepped within arm's length of his brother and knelt down. Sirius gently turned Renee around.

“Sugar, why don’t you go tell your daddy hi and get your little toy?”

Renee focused her attention on Regulus as he held a hand out. She watched him for a few moments before wrapping her hand around his fingers and taking a few shaky steps. Sirius smiled as she made contact with Regulus’ chest. Regulus gently adjusted the baby in his arms before slipping the stuffed lamb into her hands.

“Daddy.”

Renee said with a smile. Regulus leaned down and snuggled his face against her head. Dark curls tickled his nose as the scent of your perfume mixed with baby lotion filled his senses. This was the scent that Regulus didn’t want to forget as long as he lived.

Sirius, meanwhile, sat down with a smile on his face.

“Regulus, I normally wouldn’t say this in front of the baby but if you plan on lea…”

“I’m not leaving.”

Regulus replied, firmly.

“I can’t...not now. I need to talk to Y/n.”

Sirius smiled, sadly. After the last conversation that the two of you shared, it would probably be a good idea for Regulus to wait for you to go to him. Sirius had politely put the sitting room back in order and really didn’t want to risk it being destroyed again. It would only take one good hex or heavy object to really bruise Regulus up.

“Give her some time, Reg. She needs it.”

Regulus nodded before looking back down to his daughter. Her attention was still glued to the stuffed animal that she was now chewing on. He stroked his finger over Renee's cheek with a soft smile. If he had to wait for you it would be worth it. Patience wasn’t something that Regulus didn’t have much of but maybe it was time to develop a new skill.

_____

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119 notes · View notes

theunstuffedpepper · 2 years

Text

I posted 304 times in 2021

240 posts created (79%)

64 posts reblogged (21%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 0.3 posts.

I added 602 tags in 2021

#ask - 137 posts

#anon - 130 posts

#momblr - 100 posts

#operationkay10 - 66 posts

#no reblogs please - 62 posts

#personal - 48 posts

#food - 19 posts

#postpartum - 16 posts

#fitblr - 13 posts

#personal fitblr - 11 posts

Longest Tag: 115 characters

#really starting to look forward to some point in time when i don’t have to worry ab how much caffeine i’m consuming

My Top Posts in 2021

77 notes • Posted 2021-01-28 15:18:53 GMT

I’ve been quiet over here, largely because I don’t know what to write and only writing about the good stuff seems insincere. I’ve been struggling, friends. I finally called to make an appointment with my OBGYN office to discuss PPD, because after questioning for months and months if this was bad enough to be considered PPD, I’m throwing my hands up in the air and saying whether it is or it’s not, I need some support and some help. They were able to get me in for an appointment tomorrow. So, I’m really nervous about it, but I’m hoping this is the first step in a better direction.

80 notes • Posted 2021-09-29 13:42:06 GMT

What a crazy year my body has had so far, huh?

Photo 1: 1/4/21, ~240lbs (12 days pre-delivery)

Photo 2: 1/27/21, 216lbs (11 days post-delivery)

Photo 3: 4/16/21, 206lbs (3 months post-delivery)

Looking at the third photo that I took today, I almost don’t even recognize myself. The difference between the last two photos is only 10 pounds and yet I see such a difference. Granted, the angle is different, but still.. I was still so swollen from giving birth in the second photo.

If anything, putting this together has given me major motivation to keep going. This month I’ve gained and lost the same few pounds, and I’m still at the same weight as I was on April 1st. That aside, I’m feeling rejuvenated — like hey, I really have made some strides toward being healthier and more fit — and I definitely wanna keep that going.

114 notes • Posted 2021-04-16 19:45:33 GMT

132 notes • Posted 2021-01-20 22:10:22 GMT

What a whirlwind of craziness over here lately! Firstly, I’m sharing here because it’s IMPOSSIBLE to “journal” or talk about what’s going on with me lately here without mentioning that.. yep.. I’m pregnant! Again. 😁

I had my confirmation ultrasound yesterday and it turns out that I’m 8w5d along already — still super early, but everything measured great and the baby’s heart beat was nice and strong. Due date is set for June 18, which is extra fun, because that’s four days after my birthday!

So far, IRL, only my parents, my mother-in-law and @operationkay10 know, and @nycnomad too of course, and we’re gonna keep it that way until I hit the 12-week mark, I think. At that point it’ll be December, so we’re thinking of sharing the news with the rest of family and friends over the Christmas holiday.

I’m SO exhausted basically all the time — I wake up tired most days — and the morning sickness with this one is more significant than with pep. I got so lucky with not having much morning sickness with him at all. Because of the differences I’m noticing, I’m kinda (really) hoping this one’s a girl. More realistically, because it’s so early, I’m just taking it one day and one week at a time.

What else is going on? Right now in our house, everyone is sick. Pep has had congestion and a runny nose for the past two days - trouble sleeping big time. Luckily today he seems to be doing a bit better, just in time for B and I to catch it. For us it seems to be more of a cough and sore throat kinda thing. Fingers crossed this passes very soon. Either way, I’m so grateful that I have off today for Veterans Day so we can take it easy and take turns napping in shifts. 😅

143 notes • Posted 2021-11-11 14:05:28 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#no reblogs please #my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #what a baby filled year!

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starrybethany · 3 years

Text

I’m Sure - Adam Boqvist Imagine Part 3

Word count: 4.2K

Part 1

Part 2

Part 4

Part 5

He looks like the perfect mix of Adam and me. But ever since he started growing his blonde hair out, he’s started to look more like Adam. Sometimes when Holden isn’t acting like a grown up and he allows me to cuddle with him and run my hand through his hair, it brings me back to the times I’ve done the same thing with Adam.

I can’t help but feel flashes of guilt in those moments. He’s shown no interest in his father, but I feel the urge to tell him about him. I don’t want him to get hurt by never having a relationship with his father, but I also don’t want to push him to have a relationship with his father just to get hurt. I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Now is one of those rare times when he lets me hold him like I did when he was a baby. I convinced him to watch a movie with me, one of those cheesy Pixar films that I know that he loves. He looks up at me from between my arms, staring up at me with eyes that match my mother’s.

When he was born and opened his eyes for the first time, I was secretly relieved that his eyes didn’t match Adam’s. I just knew it would hurt to have to see a mini-Adam every day. But Holden’s eyes being the same as my mother’s hurt just slightly less than it would if they looked like Adam’s, considering I haven’t talked to my mother in over a decade after a rough childhood. It’s part of the reason that when I decided to keep Holden, I knew I had to go all in and do everything I could to provide for him and give him the best life possible.

“Mom, where did you live before you moved to Colorado?” He questions. Even though he’s lived in Philadelphia most of his life, he’s seen the photos of his toddler self cradled in my arms, the Rocky Mountains decorating the background.

“Chicago,” I answer.

“And why did you move from Chicago?”

My chest tightens at the question, but I shrug nonchalantly. I can’t just say hey kid, I was trying to escape your father. Then he would have more questions and I would put a preconceived idea of his father in his head before he even met him.

“I needed a change in scenery,” I decide on instead. It’s the truth, I did choose to go to Colorado over other states because Alex and Dylan used to show me photos of how beautiful it is.

“And what did you do in Chicago?”

“What is this, twenty questions?” I laugh.

“I’m trying to get to know you,” Holden responds.

“I’m your mother, how are you trying to get to know me?” I tickle him, causing him to giggle. “I worked for the Chicago Blackhawks as a suites advisor.”

“The hockey team?” He furrows his eyebrows. I nod. “Whoa, that’s cool. How the hell did you get that job?”

“Language,” I warn him. “I did an internship with them my senior year of college and got the job offered to me when I graduated.”

“Oh,” he yawns, snuggling closer to me. “That’s sick, mom.”

I laugh, kissing the top of his head. “Yes, it is sick.”

I pour the mixed eggs into the pan, waiting for them to sizzle. A wave of nausea suddenly hits me, and I grab onto the edge of the counter, trying to balance myself and swallow the bile that threatens to come up my throat.

I take deep breaths through my nose but that only makes it worse as I smell the scrambled eggs over and over again. I move the pan off of the stove and quickly turn it off, rushing out through the front door to take in gulps of fresh air.

Unfortunately, as soon as I open my mouth, everything that I ate last night comes up.

“Are you okay, honey?” A tender voice calls out.

I look over to see my neighbors, a kind elderly couple, staring at me with concern from their front stoop.

“I’m fine,” I choke out, trying to hide my red cheeks behind my hair. “Probably just the stomach bug that’s been going around.”

They nod, obviously not believing the answer but deciding not to push it. I ignore the little voice in my head telling me that the last time I was this sensitive to the smell of scrambled eggs, an embryo was growing in me.

I enter the house again, seeing Holden planted on the couch in front of the TV. He watches with a questioning expression as I dump the eggs into the trashcan, practically throwing the dirty pan into the sink.

I turn to my son. “New plan, we’re having cereal for breakfast.”

“Holden!” I throw his bedroom door open in excitement, totally forgetting our golden rule of privacy.

“Mom,” he exclaims in shock, turning his phone off and flipping it over so the screen is face down on his desk. “Have you ever heard of knocking?”

“Sorry,” I apologize, knowing better. He’s getting to the age of porn and masturbation and that is the last thing that I want to walk in on- having the birds and the bees talk with him was hard enough.

When I found out that I was having a boy and not a girl, that was one thing that I was not looking forward to. And it was just as bad as I thought it was going to be…

“What are you doing home this early?” He glances at the clock.

“Oh, yeah, that’s what I wanted to tell you!” I grin wildly, remembering the reason that I rushed into his bedroom in the first place. “I slept in this morning, like I totally missed my alarm and even when I woke up after ten hours of sleep, I was still exhausted. Anyways, I called work and they told me that it was slow, so I decided to take the whole day off and then I went back to sleep for four hours. When I woke up I went to Target to get some groceries but they have that Starbucks inside and I’ve been meaning to try two different drinks lately and I just decided to try them both and-“”Now you’re completely energized,” he gives me a look of amusement. “Yeah, I can tell.”

“Let’s go out for dinner tonight,” I initiate, “We can go to that cute new restaurant downtown that I meant to try with Winston.”

“Sure, mom,” he rolls his eyes but slowly rises from his bed.

“Oh, and just remember, real sex is never like porn,” I tell him before closing his door behind me.

I can still hear his whine of, “Mom!”

“I think I’m going to try the chicken alfredo,” I announce, closing the menu with my order picked out.

“You always get that,” Holden points out.

“And? It’s always good. If it’s not broken, don’t fix it,” I shrug, taking a sip from my cup of Pepsi.

I take a moment to look at my new surroundings. This is the type of restaurant that Winston would love. He loves restaurants that have the brick interior- he always used to say that restaurants that looked like this had the best food.

Maybe I made a mistake breaking up with him. I mean, all he was asking was for me to be honest with him about my feelings. He was trying to do was build a future with me and Holden. Plus, Holden liked him. He’s getting to that age where he might not like all of my boyfriends, shouldn’t I hold onto one that he does like?

“So,” Holden coughs, causing my eyes to snap back to him. He looks uncomfortable, like he doesn’t want to say what he’s about to say or ask what he’s about to ask. “I have to do a project for school on my parents’ lineage. I know all of your stuff, but what about my dad’s?”

I pause, my eyes laser focused on the boy sitting in front of me. He needs to know. But is he asking because he wants to know or because of this school project? Will this school project lead to more questions about his father? I obviously have to tell him the truth, but I wish I would have prepared myself more for this. I could’ve given myself a pep talk in the mirror before having to tell Holden all about his father.

It’s my turn to cough awkwardly. “He’s one hundred percent Swedish.”

“Swedish,” he repeats, nodding. “Okay.”

I freeze. Is that really all he wanted to know? “Do you want a name or something?”

“No,” he shakes his head, drinking from his cup now. “I’m good.”

I nod silently, not knowing what else to say. If he doesn’t want to learn more about his dad, I’m not going to force him. I just hope this project doesn’t bring out some feelings of resentment towards his father or me.

I shift on my feet, trying to sooth the searing pain without actually taking my shoes off to give myself a foot massage. But boy, what I would do for a good foot massage right now.

Lia and Rachel giggle to each other and I smile at them fondly, remembering when I was their age and working to be able to my college tuition.

“Lia, I ordered you two more shirts,” I inform the young girl, leaning against the counter to ease the pressure on my feet.

“Thanks, Y/N,” she flashes me a smile. “Hey, what time does the new girl start work today?”

I give her a confused expression. “What new girl?”

“Didn’t Tiffany say anything to you?” Now her expression morphs into one of confusion. “She popped in a couple of days ago and said that she hired another employee and that she was going to start Tuesday, today.”

I fight back the scowl that begs to come out and bite back the nasty words I want to say about the owner. She’s been a shitty owner for as long as I’ve worked here, and this is a good example. A new employee starts today and she’s nowhere in sight.

“She must’ve forgotten to mention it to me,” I settle on saying. I make small talk with the two, catching up on their studies and what they’re doing in their free time. I like to hear about their time in college, it reminds me of all of the all-nighters I used to pull and the times I would leave fraternity houses completely obliterated. Of course, I’m not gonna tell these girls that.

A small girl, younger than Lia and Rachel, appears in front of the counter with a shy look on her face. I recognize the expression as one that the two girls had on their first day here, so I give her a big smile and ask, “Hi! Are you the new employee?”

“Yeah, my name is Marcella,” she introduces herself. I introduce myself to her and usher her behind the counter, giving her an apron with a new nametag on it and show her a couple of things on the machines.

“But I don’t want to overwhelm you on your first day, so you can just observe us today and try it tomorrow, okay?” I request. She nods, a relieved smile on her face. “I’m going to go to the back and grab you some extra shirts that we have until we can order some for you.”

As I shuffle through the boxes in the back, trying to find some that would fit the small girl, I can hear the three talking in the front of the café.

“Is she the owner?” Marcella asks in a hushed tone.

“No, she’s the supervisor, but she might as well be the owner because she does everything the owner should be doing,” Rachel responds. I smile at her answer, glad that someone is seeing the hard work that I put in around here.

“Is she, like, chill?” Marcella questions.

“Oh, she’s very chill. Like you can be on your phone, she doesn’t care, she’s on her phone all of the time too,” Lia says.

“But she’s on her phone because she has a kid,” Rachel points out, “You’re on your phone because you’re Snapchatting the boy that you’ve been talking to for the past four months.”

The three girls giggle with each other as I emerge from the back, two shirts in my hand. My eyes immediately take in Marcella, who’s phone is grasped in her hand now.

That’s not what catches my attention. What catches my attention is her phone case. Tommy Hawk stares back at me with a “miss me?” look on his stupid bird face.

“You a Blackhawks fan?” I try to keep my tone casual as I set the shirts down on the counter next to her, turning to occupy my hands with a spray bottle and a rag.

“Yeah, are you?” She inquires.

I swallow the lump in my throat that appears with the question. Act cool, act casual. She doesn’t know anything about your past, none of the girls do. “No, not really a hockey fan. Just used to live in Chicago and would see the logo everywhere.”

It’s not a lie.

“It is everywhere,” she giggles.

“Well, now you’re going to have to be a Flyers fan,” I give her a smile, hoping she doesn’t see through it to my anxiety.

And when Lia begins to talk about how the guy she’s been talking to is a big Flyers fan, I feel relief flood through my body that I’ve made it through this conversation and into the clear.

I’ve been avoiding this for two weeks now. I can’t even remember when Adam and I had sex, but I remember the symptoms from eleven years ago. Swollen feet. Sensitive breasts. Aversions to certain foods- like scrambled eggs. God, I feel like throwing up just at the thought.

But I can’t avoid it forever. I need something to confirm or deny my beliefs. And now, instead of sitting on the shitty toilet in my loft in Chicago, I’m sitting on the toilet that actually works in my condo in Philadelphia.

Time has gone by, but I somehow find myself in this situation yet again. Instead of two tests balancing on the edge of the sink basin, there’s three tests sitting on paper towel on the counter.

I feel less nervous this time than I was when I found out that I was pregnant with Holden. I mean, now I know that I’m a good mom, I’m a good mom to Holden. Sure, I’m not in the best place financially still, but I could find a way to make it work- I did the first time around.

But before I make all of these decisions, I need to find out if I’m even pregnant first.

My phone alarm goes off and I quickly turn it off, taking a deep breath. The nerves start to set in, and I bite my lip in fear.

No matter what happens, I’ll figure it out.

I rise with shaky legs, turning to stand in front of the counter, my eyes meeting the mirror. Slowly, they move down to the three electronic tests.

Positive. Positive. Positive.

Fuck. I run a hand through my hair, lifting my gaze to stare at myself in the mirror. I’m going to be a mom again. I haven’t been a mom to a newborn in twelve years, will I even remember what it’s like to change poppy diapers and make a bottle? I’m older now- not that old- but still, will I want to wake up several times throughout the night to feed an infant?

I mean, at least in Colorado I had a steady boyfriend who willingly shared those shifts with me. Now it’d be me by myself. I’m sure I could get Holden to pitch in every once in a while- shit, Holden.

How the hell am I supposed to tell my twelve-year-old son that I’m knocked up? It’s embarrassing enough to be in middle school, but to have your mom be pregnant will make it all the more humiliating. And the age gap is going to be thirteen years, they’ll have nothing in common with each other. What the hell am I supposed to tell him when he asks me who the father is?

Guess what, kiddo? You two have the same biological father! “Mom,” the kid in question calls out from the other side of the bathroom door.

“Uh, just a minute, buddy,” I stutter, quickly shoving the tests into one of the cabinet drawers, burying it under some pads. He doesn’t go in my master bathroom in the first place, but if he did, I wouldn’t want him to find out about the pregnancy before I could tell him myself.

I throw the paper towel into the trash can and open the door breathlessly, the blonde on the other side of the door giving me a questioning look.

“Uh, you okay, mom?”

“I’m fine,” I answer, exiting the bathroom and plopping down on my bed, patting the spot next to me for him to take a seat. He does. “What’s up?”

“I want to ask you something,” he begins, picking at his overgrown fingernails. It’s his nervous habit, I’ve picked up on it over the past twelve years but haven’t said anything about it. I don’t want him to know that I realize it because then he can hide his emotions from me.

“Okay,” I nod encouraging.

“There’s this programming camp this summer, in Chicago, that I’d like to go to,” he stutters through.

My heart races at the thought of my baby boy in Chicago by himself. He’s grown up a lot in the past couples of months and I know that he’ll grow in the time that he has before he goes to the camp, but I can’t help but feel anxious at the thought of my son with no one to watch him in a big city like Chicago.

“It’s in June, and it’s only for two weeks,” he continues quickly.

“Honey... that’s in a month and a half,” I point out, “It’s kind of last minute to be bringing this up to me, don’t you think?”

“I know, mom, but I didn’t think I wanted to do it and I started thinking about it more and then I realized I really want to do it,” he pleads.

“I didn’t realize you were really into computer programming,” I state softly. If I don’t know about something that my son is so clearly passionate about, am I really that good of a mother?

“Yeah, well, it’s a, um, recent development.”

I nod. “Okay. We’ll sign you up for this camp tonight and then we’ll start getting you ready.”

“Thanks, mom!” He launches himself into my arms and I giggle with surprise, not ready for the sudden action. Nonetheless, I hug him back, cherishing the feeling of my older child in my arms.

“I love you, Holden.”

“I love you, too, mom.”

Later that night I lay in bed, darkness filling my room. As soon as Holden left my room earlier to play video games, I pulled out my phone, scheduling an appointment with my doctor to confirm the pregnancy and see how far along I am.

I reach over for my phone, opening Instagram. Adam’s follow request still sits there, untouched. It’s been weeks now, so I doubt that he remembers that he even sent it. Hell, I don’t even post that often, so if I confirmed it, he would barely be able to tell that he’s following me.

But do I confirm it for my son and our future, second child together? Do I message him and tell him that I’m 99% sure that he’s going to be a dad again?

I mean, his track record so far tells me that I shouldn’t do that. He doubted paternity when I told him that I was pregnant with Holden and basically told me to get rid of the baby. He didn’t bother to contact me for thirteen years, and when we did come into contact again, accidentally, he didn’t mention Holden at all or ask about him.

That tells me he’s still not ready to become a parent. It’s been over a decade and he hasn’t come to terms that he’s a dad and that he needs to step up and be there for his child- or children, now.

And I may be a bitch, but I don’t want to give him a chance to hurt this second baby. Even though Holden’s never shown any interest in getting to know Adam, what if this second child does?

What if this baby reaches out to Adam just to get told “sorry, I don’t want you and I never did.” I can’t imagine how much my heart would break for my child if that were to happen. So, with pain radiating in my heart, I decline Adam’s follow request. I’ve gone through one pregnancy without him, I can go through another.

Day by day, it’s getting harder to hide my pregnancy from Holden. I wanted to wait as long as I could, or at least until twelve weeks when I know it’s less likely to lose the baby, to tell him that I’m pregnant. I was eight weeks along when I found out but now, I’m fourteen weeks, beginning to show.

I’ve noticed that with this pregnancy I started showing a lot sooner than I did with Holden. My doctor told me that’s normal, that my uterus is already stretched out, so the baby already has space to grow.

I’ve been wearing baggy sweatshirts and T-shirts for weeks now, but I don’t think Holden’s caught on yet.

I stare at myself in the mirror, a prominent bump sticking out from my stomach. I can tell it’s only going to be days until I have to begin telling people about the baby, but I don’t have a few days with Holden.

I drop him off at the airport early tomorrow morning for his flight to Chicago. All he’s ben raving about for the past month and a half has been this computer programming camp- honestly, most of it goes over my head, but I smile whenever he talks about it to me because he gets so enthusiastic.

After seeing him lock himself in his room to play video games all day for months, it’s nice to see him be so passionate about something.

And I hate to tell him such big news right before he leaves for his camp, but if I don’t tell him now, he’ll definitely find out with his own eyes when he gets back.

I drop my shirt, walking hesitantly into the hallway and knocking on his bedroom door.

“Come in,” he calls out.

I open the door to find him hurriedly shoving shirts and shorts into his suitcase that’s laying on his bed.

“Hey, fold those properly so that you have more room in your suitcase,” I advise, taking some shirts from the luggage and folding it into a neat pattern. “And pack some pants, Chicago can still be chilly in June.”

“Okay,” he murmurs, rushing over to his dresser and pulling his pants drawer open.

“I want to talk to you about something,” I tell him, eyes focused on his back.

He freezes in his spot, a pair of black jeans in one hand and a pair of blue jeans in the other. “Okay?”

“Come sit with me.”

He slowly moves over towards me, sitting on the other side of his suitcase. “Okay.”

I take a deep breath, looking him in the eye. “I’m pregnant.”

“O-Okay.”

“Can you say something other than okay?” I question, throwing my hands up in frustration. “Well, is it, is it Winston’s?”

I shake my head, biting my lip.

“How far along are you?”

I squint in confusion, unsure of the sudden change from the questioning of paternity to how far along I am. “Fourteen weeks.”

“Do you know the sex yet?”

“No, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to find that out at all,” I admit.

“I think we should find that out when I get back from the camp, together,” he responds nonchalantly, folding a T-shirt laying on the bed.

I can’t help but feel surprised. I thought he would be shocked, upset, angry, I don’t know, but have a stronger reaction than the one that he’s giving me. I guess this camp really is putting him in a good mood, though. It makes me worried of what his reaction is going to be when he returns to Philadelphia after Chicago.

Will he still have that casual approach, or will it finally hit him that it won’t just be the two of us?

“So, you’re okay with it?” I confirm.

“Yeah. It’s about time we get some change around here.”

I chuckle at that, reaching for another shirt to fold. “Yeah, well, we’re about to get a whole lot of change.”

Please fill out this form on what you want the sex of baby #2 to be!!

#adam boqvist #adam boqvist imagine #adam boqvist x reader #Chicago Blackhawks imagine #NHL imagines

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timextoxhajima · 3 years

Text

Grounded: Level 0

Level 1

Member: Minho (Lee Know)

Genre: idol minho x idol trainee reader, angst cause is it a dana fic if there is no angst

Taglist: @valeriee-h

A/N: Thank you for 400 followers. You all have been nothing but exceptional.

[F E B R U A R Y 2 0 1 6]

The metallic taste seeping into your mouth was starting to annoy you, and on top of that, the tears that were running down your cheeks and between your lips were stinging the wounds you managed to inflict on yourself with your teeth.

You can hear the laughter and the sound of the bass against the flooring from where you were, though you were a good distance away from the practicing hall. The room smelled like dust and must due to the hose reel box being unused for such a long time, you wouldn't know. Your hands were probably messed up from all the accidental touching of the walls and the floor -- and great, now you've gone ahead and wiped away your tears with your hands.

Your teeth are gritted so hard against each other that you can feel your temples tightening, and all you want to do was to pack up and go home and call it quits--

"I know you're in there."

Silence. Then a shadow comes to block the bars of light coming through the slits of the door.

Choosing to keep quiet, you don't know why you thought he'd go away. He was the vice-captain of the dance crew and he obviously wasn't going to let you go without getting you out of the hose reel storeroom.

"I'm not going to force you out. But I need to know just one thing."

A pause.

"Do you still like dancing?"

Out of shame, you look down to your knees, now curled up into your chest. The tears continue to fall because you both know your answer. It’s just the physical pain and lack of resistance that’s keeping you from going further.

You can hear him sigh when he leans against the door, the wood creaking just the slightest with his weight against it. It was almost completely dark, now that he’s covered most of the slits in the door. The sweat trailing down the sides of your forehead and down your cheek gets mistaken for tears, urging you to wipe them away with the back of your hand.

“I know you’re tired, but if you stop here, then there’s no way you can improve.”

You gulp, your throat feeling dry from the continuous days of air-conditioned practice hall and then the crying did nothing but further aggravate it.

“...What makes you think I can still improve? What if this is the furthest I can go?”

“I thought like that once,” A small thud. He probably leaned his head backwards. “But I signed up for this because I like it. And frankly, I don’t know what else I’d do if I don’t do this for myself. So, now my question is: who are you doing this for, and if you’re willing to continue doing it for yourself?”

Your head is empty. There’s nothing but the want to start moving again, it’s the reflection in the mirror you’re afraid to see.

The music from the practise hall starts again. By now, the song is more than annoying, but the adrenaline always manages to push you through anyway. The door creaks and more light floods in when he shifts away.

“Come talk to me if you need to after practise. But for now, just come back and finish for today, okay? I’ll see you inside.”

He stays still for a few moments, before the sound of his shoes shuffle away from the storage room. Leaning your head back against the wall, you let the humidity coat your face like a layer of warmth.

Why’d he have to give me that stupid pep-talk?

Shutting your eyes tightly, you recall the amount of effort you took to audition for this. A stage where BTS would perform on, and they were looking for a small group of girls in the back-up dancers’ team. The chances were ten to... hundreds.

You shuffle to your feet, eyelids heavy from the physical activity but heart still full of hope. Your fingers wrap around the cold handle of the door and push it open, greeting the bright lights that illuminate the corridor down to the practice hall.

“Where is-- Oh! There you are!” The choreographer nearly yells into the mic when you rush through the door, some of your other dance crew mates jokingly yells at you for taking your own sweet time.

“Sorry, bathroom.”

“Okay, okay. GIve us a head up if you’re going to do a number 2 next time, would you?”

Some of the dancers chuckle at the choreographer’s teasing, nudging you or ruffling your hair before they return to their positions. And as you do, you cannot help but to lock eyes with the vice-captain in the front row. He had the tiniest smile you’ve ever seen, the kind that if you didn’t stare hard enough... or if you didn’t pay enough attention... you’d miss it.

A small nods finds you, eyes of encouragement welling up in his brown orbs under the lighting, and then the choreographer asks for the music. It thrums through you like an Earthquake, but instead of conjuring magma and ash and gas, it sucks the passion out of you and motivates you to move your feet again.

The practise session ends fast, only because you realised you had been enjoying it. So when the choreographer thanks the dance crew and jumps off to speak to the captain, you take your time to grab a drink for yourself and let some other crew members chat you up.

That is, until you noticed the vice-captain strutting out of the practise hall quietly. Excusing yourself, you grab your belongings and rush out behind him, just missing the lift that he was in.

He’s about twenty metres ahead when you run out of the stairs lobby, the cool end-of-winter wind kissing your sweaty skin.

“Minho!”

The boy stops in his tracks, taking awhile to look up from his phone as he slowly turns his head around. He watches with intent eyes as you catch up to him, gently huffing from the hurrying after he quietly left the practice hall.

“It’s a good thing you didn’t disappoint me,” Minho looks back down at his phone before locking it. “I was beginning to worry you wouldn’t come back.”

Once you’ve aligned your footing with him, he shoves his phone into his pocket and waits for you to calm your breathing. The sky was dark now, but the streets were still bustling from all the night market activities - fried seafood, crackers, cotton candy.

Minho turns his head back to the streets where waves of people were walking past, taking a first step to tell you he’s going to start walking.

“I just wanted to thank you for that little pep-talk.”

“Pep-talk?” Minho chuckles under his breath. “Oh, you don’t know what a pep-talk sounds like.”

The crowd washes the both of you in some direction, the scent of food wafting in the air coupled with the overlapping conversations and loud music from some stands made you feel like you’ve just entered some amusement park. Smoke was prancing in the air against the night sky and people chewing loudly on food brought you some strange sense of nostalgia -- though you’ve walked this exact road for some months now. It just so happened that the night market only came round every Lunar New Year.

“I just... I hope you know how much that means to me. It’s the first time I’ve done something of this scale so... it seems easier for me to lose faith.”

Minho stops at a particular store selling some honey-glazed apples and orders two. It’s like he didn’t hear you.

Standing awkwardly next to him, the store owner carelessly hands Minho the two sticks with the stabbed apple on the top, and he doesn’t hesitate to hand her a five dollar bill. Just enough.

“Thank you,” He turns around, the store owner barely acknowledging his business. “People lose faith all the time. You just need to know when to force yourself to have it again.”

Handing you one stick, Minho doesn’t wait for you to process the offer and his words simultaneously before he’s off again. By the time you’ve walked the length of the night market and reach the main streets of the city, Minho has cleared every drop of honey and apple on the stick, and you were just busy finishing up the last one-eighth of it, the bite nearly touching your fingers.

At the bus stop, Minho drops himself on the bench, scrolling through his phone as you are occupied with licking the honey off your fingers while you find the nearest trashcan. Ironically, out here along the main road, there were fewer people. More traffic on the road, definitely. But it’s like everybody was so busy living their lives, you’ve forgotten to live yours.

You’ve spent more than half your time in the last three months coming to this same practise hall, dancing the same steps over and over and over again until every cell in your blood and body knows it by heart.

But what worth is it? For a performance that you wouldn’t even be seen?

You sigh, eyes darting downwards naturally to see what he’s been staring at on his phone-- then you see it.

NEW EMAIL: CUBE AUDITION RESULTS

Your eyes widen, lips somehow still stuck together despite the overwhelming excitement in your lungs. Sucking your lips in between your teeth, you watch in anticipation as he clicks the notification and it directs him to his email. Poor boy doesn’t know you’re watching, but it’s a good thing, because the first two sentences were enough to tell you what his reaction could be.

Dear Lee Minho, we’ve received your audition tape and reviewed it carefully. Unfortunately, we are unable to accept you as a trainee. We wish you the best in all your future endeavors.

Regards,

Cube Audition Management

Biting down on your bottom lip, your eyes quickly flit away when he closes the app and keeps his phone. Standing next to him, it’s a wonder how he’s managed to hold himself together. If it had been you who was rejected, you’d be on the floor bawling by now. But Minho’s strength is subtly concrete when he only watches his bus arrive, standing up and only turning around to ask, “Are you taking the same bus?”

“Um, yeah but my dad’s coming to get me, so I’m waiting here.”

Minho nods, the bus stopping right at the foot of the bus stop. Other passengers waiting for the bus start to crowd, but Minho doesn’t bust an inch just yet.

“I’ll see you tomorrow then?”

You hum in response. They’ve started boarding, so Minho’s taking small steps towards the vehicle.

“If you don’t come, believe me when I say I’ll whoop your ass.”

You can’t help the small scoff that bursts through your lips when he says it, that tiny smile of his emerging shyly on his face for a split second. Reducing the amount of time you get to admire that strength in him, he turns and gets on the bus.

[D E C E M B E R 2 0 1 6]

At this point, half the dance crew was probably crying their hearts out back stage. BTS’ Fire and Not Today performance at the KBS Song Festival was the last official time you would be performing as one unit with this dance crew. Any Fire or Not Today performances in the future would call for a renewed or changed dance crew line-up, which meant you’ll never see the same group of people on stage again.

Heck, even your captain was sobbing his eyes out, mercilessly pulling everybody he could find into a hug and muttering some incoherent words of gratitude in their ears. You were laughing and wiping away the droplets on your face, unsure if they were tears or sweat, when he came to you and pulled you into a bear hug.

Everybody hears the heavy backstage door close and BTS shows up just steps from you, and the group of idols know very well that this was the last performance with the current line-up of crew members.

“Dul, set, Bang! Tan!” More people are crying now, and Namjoon just looks prouder than he was sad. “Annyeong haseyo, Bangtansonyeondan ibnida.”

The captain literally starts wining, not hesitating to go up and hug Hoseok tightly. The members embrace him in the hug, offering him words of praise and compliment as Namjoon urges them to keep their volume down. The leader thanks the crew for the enduring hardwork for the past year - from when the track was first released, to the first choreography reviewing and then the constant performances on all kinds of stages.

Blinking away your tears, you manage to catch Minho standing at the far end of the first row, and if you weren’t mistaken, you could catch Jimin showing him two thumbs up.

“I hope to see all of you around, and once again, BTS thanks you for your hardwork for the last year. Take care everybody!”

Everybody erupts into loud yells of ‘thanks’ and ‘bye’s, but before you can the other crew members in shaking their hands as they return to their dressing room, one of BTS’ assistant managers approach you.

“Hi, can I check if you’re y/n?”

“Uh--” Minho catches your frantic glancing behind the assistant manager. “Yes.”

“Great, so...” The assistant manager fumbles in his back pocket, your eyes darting down to notice him pulling out a name card. Your peripheral vision presents you with Minho looking at you from behind the assistant manager, eyes and ears peeled. “We’ve been monitoring the dance unit and... we think you might have potential.”

He hands you the name card, and your hands are trembling when you process the carbon printing on it.

BIGHIT CASTING

Anxious, you look back up at the assistant manager. Yet, he offers you a mere smile before walking away, leaving you and Minho behind as the rest of the crew pushes themselves nearer to the back of the staff area.

The restaurant had been booked for the sole purpose of the dance unit celebrating your final performance there, and while the card was being bent in all sorts of different ways in your back pocket, all you cared about was being in a moment.

BigHit casting? Why would you even subject yourself to that kind of torment? A solid 7 to 8 years of no privacy, probably no dating, and if you were caught outside with someone of the opposite gender, you’d be royally screwed over.

“You’re going to get drunk.”

“No, I’m not.”

“You’re not even legal to drink, and it sucks, honestly.”

“Pfft,” Rolling your eyes, you collect the shot of Soju from one of the older crew members. “I’ll take like five shots. I’ll be fine.”

Minho glares at his captain, thoughtlessly pushing the shot across the smooth surface of the table to you.

“You know she’s like, 16 right?”

“I know, but it wouldn’t hurt to let her try some. Besides, we all did a great job this past year. I think we all deserve a little break.”

Minho huffs, the air pushing his fringe upwards for a split second. He watches you down the shot, the burning alcohol forcing a look of slight disgust on your face.

“Told you you wouldn’t like it.”

“Ugh,” Sticking your tongue out, you reach for your glass of water and take a huge gulp. “I’ll get used to it.”

Nah.

“My God, why are you so heavy?” Minho grunts, struggling to keep your arm over his shoulders. He looks behind him, busking in some slight satisfaction when he had managed to get the captain completely wasted by playing some stupid game with him, the kind that he would never win. The other vice-captain and another crew member were channeling all that effort into keeping the big-sized boy on his feet. You remember hearing Minho’s hearty (or evil) laughter when the captain plops to the floor, completely blacking out.

“Okay, he’s your responsibility now!” He yells at the top of his lungs, dragging you towards the nearest bus stop in his knowledge.

“Go fuck yourself, Minho! Have some mercy next time, would you?!” HIs co-vice captain shouts back.

“I’ll think about it!” Minho laughs, trying really hard not to drop you as he waves back.

“Bye, see you soon!”

Minho returns his attention to you, half your body already leaning a good ninety degrees towards the floor.

“Free bows for the floor, huh?” He grunts as he gives up on holding just one of your arms. Afraid that he was going to dislocate something, he pulls you onto his back. Your head is pressed into his shoulder when he turns round the corner, eyes looking up to gauge the distance to the bus stop. “Oi.”

“Hmm?” Your head of messy hair perks up from his shoulder, your eyelids feeling too heavy to keep open.

“Are you going for it? The audition I mean.”

You groan, throwing your head back into his shoulder. Tightening your arms around his collar, you grit your teeth and swallow the burning sensation of alcohol in your throat.

“I don’t think I want to think about that now. I have school to worry about.”

“You’ll just be put into SOPA.”

“What about university?”

“That’s like 3 years away for you. And studying can wait if you’re chasing your dream,” A pause as he sets you down at the bus stop, grabbing your bag and searching for your wallet to take out your bus card. “Of course, only if you want it.”

Your head hangs low, the Soju zipping through your blood like hamsters do in their tunnels. Minho turns, spotting the bus nearing.

“Do me a favour and swallow your vomit if you need to, don’t make a mess in the bus.”

[O C T O B E R 2 0 1 7]

Do you know the feeling of your lungs collapsing in on themselves when you can’t breathe? When your heart is palpitating so fast, it feels like it’s stopped?

“I don’t know why you guys are treating it like it’s a huge thing-- I might not even make it.”

“Shut the fuck up, would you? You signed up for it, shouldn’t you put your 100% and go as far as you can?”

The words can’t find their way out of your mouth. Minho was sitting in his sofa, petting Soon-ie, with a huge duffel bag at his feet. You were sitting in Minho’s living room, with Doongie curled up in your lap and the dance captain from BTS’ Fire and Not Today performance dance unit about to swing a fist in Minho’s face.

An awkward silence fell upon the three of you, knowing that this could be the start of a friendship with a changed dynamic. You were one foot into BigHit because you’ve passed the first audition, Minho was going on JYP’s Stray Kids survival show and your dance-captain was being scouted into Yuehua’s waters.

The morning sun gushes down onto your faces when Minho’s father rushes to get the car ready, leaving the three of you at the entrance of the carpark. Your dance captain had an audition appointment with Yuehua soon, so he pulls Minho into a tight hug and provides him a harsh pat on the back.

“Make us proud.”

Minho doesn’t respond, only nodding subtly before sending him off.

But you? You are reluctant to even look at him. If he wins that show, he’d be gone for more days and months than you can count. No longer would he spend his Christmases and New Years with you, but with his group members. His cats wouldn’t be meowing for his attention, because he’s not at home anymore.

What’s worse, if you get through BigHit’s third audition, you’ll be thrown into a girl group.

And Godforsake a girl group member being seen with a boy group member, right?

“You could be a little more enthusiastic, y’know.”

“How can I be enthusiastic when I’m watching you strut your ass off into unchartered territory?”

Minho smiles, his bunny teeth unafraid to expose themselves. You can see his father’s car coming out, the ache in your heart getting harder and harder to ignore.

“I’ll come back to find you, or maybe BigHit, I don’t know,” Minho gently pulls you into a hug, careful to keep his hands on your upper back and shoulders. “But I will always come back to you.”

#lee minho #lee know #lee know scenarios #lee know imagines #stray kids #stray kids lee know #stray kids minho #stray kids scenarios #skz #skz lee know #skz minho #lee know fanfic #lee minho fanfic

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obeymeaskme · 3 years

Text

Obey Me!: Human and Demon Hearts!

A/N: I feel like a broken record, but all the uploaded chapters are pinned <3

Chapter Three: Bonding's Mend (2/3)

Word Count: 1,125

Rating 18+

The house had become quiet. A much more comforting silence than earlier. Everyone had officially gone their ways for the day. Mammon, Satan and Asmodeus had volunteer work at their jobs, and the twins had taken Bella out for a tour. Bella had sent an invite out to Noelle prior to join them, but she gratefully declined. She had other 'plans' to try and get closer to Levi. Satan had already given Noelle a pep talk, and some much needed information about how to worm her way into the Otaku's heart. Much for his own amusement.

Satan had informed her, before leaving, about one of Levi's obsessions; Ruri-chan. A voluptuous demon that has taken the form of a young girl in order to live among humans in order to learn more about them. Noelle had looked at small clips from the anime and doted over her as well, feeling like she understood why Levi admired the 'cute lil' bean' so much. Bringing her back to reality, Satan had shown her a site that was giving away a rare “Inferno Fire Soda Brand Themed Ruri-chan: Magical Fizzle!!!” Figurine. The two of them rolled their eyes at the long name, but scrolled on. Only one winner, and Levi had already maxed out his own Credit card to buy as many tickets as he could. Noelle saw the price of admission, and decided to buy herself a ticket with the intention of giving Levi an extra shot at winning.

Satan had agreed that it was a pleasant idea. Noelle had already explained all her hobbies, and personal interests and he was very surprised that Levi wasn't already clinging to her. Maybe it was the way she dressed? No, it was just, Levi being Levi. Though Satan had other reasons that could lead to his brother's aggression towards her. He jumped as she squealed in delight, proclaiming she got a ticket before the site kicked her off and closed down the admissions page. Patting her on the shoulder he had excused himself from her room and wished her luck.

The page she got the ticket from had claimed it would do the drawing on Wednesday. She was overfilled with joy and rushed to Levi's room, but just before she could knock on his door, her body froze. She wasn't sure why but her nerves tangled up. She desperately wanted to share the news with him, maybe even impress him with her knowledge of the show, but something stopped her. She began to grow worried that he'd ignore her if she knocked on the door. What if it was all for not, and he didn't win? What if he saw her as a bad luck charm and shooed her away for good. She contemplated texting him, and acting like she bought it by accident, or it was given to her by Bella, but she could only see the same outcome. So she walked away.

Sighing heavily she kept her pace, staring at the downloaded entry on her screen. Not paying attention to who she ran into. After a quick turn back around she began to sputter out apologies, and she felt her face turn red as she was face to face with the eldest. Lucifer had made a bizarre grunt noise before warning her about being more careful. Noelle looked down with disappointment. Even then neither of them chose to walk away. Both of them had much they wanted to say, but it was Noelle who spoke Lucifer's name so softly, that he was concerned she was going to cry.

“Are you mad with me?”

He was yet again taken aback by her question. Any normal human would have thought the answer was yes, yet here she stood. Asking anyway. He sighed deeply, pinching his nose, but replied none the less.

“No. I'm more so annoyed. But not with you. Things have come up recently, and I am now aware that I have handled a few situations rather poorly. I'd apologize but...”

He looked at her as her face seemed to lighten up a bit. Though he gave it his best shot at consoling her worries, something inside him still wanted to hate her. He gained back his thoughts as she began shrinking away from him. He had to force his face to relax as he was scowling and seething at her. Noelle asked another question.

“What is it you want me to do? You obviously can't stand the sight of me. I'm not stupid, ya' know. It's not the first time someone looked at me like you do.”

Lucifer rubbed his temple, a growing headache forming. Making him want to walk away, but he humored her.

“I'm not sure. Usually we don't have this hard of a time interacting with humans. I understand Satan explained to you about the three main response systems a soul like yours can cause onto a demon, yes?”

She nods at him and he continues.

“I sat in my study for a while. I was just coming to see you about this. It feels as if I've gone back to my more... primal days as a demon. I do have more control over myself than what I've displayed...”

Noelle stood quietly as Lucifer began shuffling around a few papers, and a book that was marked with sticky notes.

“Take these, and recite this incantation here. It'll allow you to read the book, but I must admit having to be around you this long has made me quite... Uncomfortable. Excuse me.”

Lucifer had taken off at a fast and sloppy pace. He had hopes that his remarks towards her had gotten through his intentions. He did feel sorrowful towards her, but not because of his behavior, but what was written in those papers.

Noelle had made her way to the small library in the house, and sat down in one of the tasteful leather chairs. Years of usage had made it soft, and she understood why Belphie refused to sit in them when she joined the twins, and Bella, for studying.

Upon unfolding the loose paper she read out loud the words.

“Nor Human, nor immortal shall fail at thy spell, for only those who wish to read need but time, this spell, and a book with an unknown tongue.”

Noelle squeaked and tossed the book as the lettering changed with a burning glow. Panic set in as she realized the carpet almost caught on fire. Stomping out the few sparks that were left behind. She felt the warmth on the book fade out, and all the words were in perfect English. She opened up to the first sticky note labeled 'Unlikely'. Giggling she read the first entry.

#obey me: human and demon hearts #obey me #obey me one master to rule them all #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphagor #obey me fanfic #obey me oc

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ohmystars-marvel · 4 years

Text

So...you’re mine, huh?

Pairing: Tony Stark x daughter!reader; Peter Parker x reader (eventually)

Word count: 1,808

Summary: When your mother passes, she wrote in her will if she passed when you were still a minor, guardianship would get passed to Tony Stark. You have no idea what their relationship was, despite both of them living their lives in the spotlight. However, for someone who lived in the spotlight, your mother held plenty of secrets.

A/N: Hi welcome to my first ever fic....please be gentle with me, I swear I’ll try to get better with time. Anyway, since this is my first, why not kick it off with a series?? Depending if you guys like it, I’ll try to post a second part in a couple days, just depends on how busy I am with homework.

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Tony was in a meeting when he found out that (Y/M/N) (Y/L/N) died. Notification after notification lit up his phone, and his phone practically fell off the conference table with the constant buzzing. He was standing up to leave the conference room when he finally checked his phone. His heart dropped within his chest.

Sure, Pepper knows she’s the one for him, but (Y/M/N) was a different love and certainly from a different chapter of his life. Hell, (Y/M/N) (Y/L/N) was one of his very few childhood friends, and probably his first love. It could be said that she’d match his intelligence, and when she couldn’t, she made it up with her wit and her own heartbreaker tendencies. She had that natural aura of capturing an entire room’s attention, even if she’s trying not to.

A car crash. That’s what took out (Y/M/N) (Y/L/N). A fucking car crash. God, he never expected something that normal to be the thing to take (Y/M/N) away from this world. He thought it would’ve been some kind of freaky accident, some stupid daredevil attempt that would kill her. God, the last time he saw her, it was years ago. He was still the genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist he once was, and she was still the rebellious heartbreaker she once was. That night they both had far too much to drink to think clearly. Still, in a very (Y/M/N) fashion, she made the parts of the night that he can remember unforgettable. The weight of (Y/M/N)’s death hit in like a freight train. The only thing he could do sit back in the chair he was in before and just stare at the words on his phone:

CEO OF (Y/L/N) TECH INDUSTRIES KILLED BY CAR ACCIDENT WHILE HEADED TO AIRPORT

Pepper found him still sitting in his chair in shock. She approached him slowly, and gently put her hand on his shoulder. He flinched in his chair, unaware that Pepper even entered the room at all. He took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of his nose with his hand, closing his eyes.

“I saw the news and I wanted to check on you. I’m sorry, Tony.” she said softly.

Tony was still hiding his face with his own hand, but used his other hand to squeeze Pepper’s on his shoulder. Tony took another deep breath, and took his hand away from Pepper and his face and stood up.

“I’m gonna take the rest of the day off.” he mumbled to her, grabbing his phone from the desk and leaving the room abruptly.

Pepper tried to follow after him out into the hallway, but he had already entered the elevator, and closed the doors on her.

******

Tony spent all of his time in the lab for the next couple of days. He didn’t leave, he didn’t eat; he was deep in his grief and putting his emotions through working on one of his Iron Man suits. Well, he was until Peter came in. Peter cautiously approached the lab, holding up a greasy paper sack with a small smile and knocked on the glass door. Tony only looked up at Peter and went back to working. It was a small step, but he at least acknowledged someone. Peter entered the lab, and gently closed the door. He sat at one of the benches, watching Tony for a minute.

“I-I hope I’m not bothering you, Mr. Stark, but Mrs. Potts said you’ve been working on your suit, and I thought maybe you’d want some help! I was also patrolling the neighborhood earlier and this guy was getting mugged and so I captured the mugger and the guy paid me back in a couple of free cheeseburgers and fries and I thought maybe you’d like one as well. I didn’t really know how you like your cheeseburgers, so I just got them plain.” Peter rambled.

Peter placed the bag on the worktable and sat on the stool across from Tony.

“I understand if you don’t wanna talk, Mr. Stark. I was the same way when my Uncle Ben died. I didn’t really talk to anyone for weeks, so it’s okay if you don’t want to talk. I can just sit here and help. But I think you should at least eat though.” Peter mumbled the last sentence as he sat on a work stool across from Tony.

Tony paused for a second, and sighed. It was almost like he was debating within himself. Peter couldn’t tell which part of the internal battle Tony wanted to win, but he resumed to work on a part of one the arms. Peter just patiently watched from his stool, resting his head on the worktable underneath his hands. He zoned out for a little bit, unaware of how much time had passed with his head in the clouds.

“Hey, kid. You said you wanted to help, but here you are daydreaming. Come here and hold this panel back and a flashlight while I toy with the cables for a second.” Tony didn’t even look up when he spoke up.

Peter jumped from his stool eagerly and did an overeager walk/jog over to help Tony. He held the panel and used the flashlight on his phone, trying to give Tony a good amount of light.

“Hold it higher and a little to the right.” Tony instructed.

Peter stood like that for a little while, despite his arms starting to get tired. He was determined though to power through it. After all, Mr. Stark trusted him with this task, so he should be able to uphold it.

“She was one of those types of women that when they were told they wouldn’t be able to do something, she’d go and prove them wrong. She started up her own tech company in order to prove to her own father that she could’ve been a worthy heir to his job within Stark Industries. God, the look on his face when at her first gala when she called him out in front of hundreds of people that attended. I’ll never forget that.” Tony softly chuckled.

“She sounds like she was an amazing person, Mr. Stark.”

He put down his tools and eyed the bag of cheeseburgers and fries that were getting cold.

“Maybe those cheeseburgers were a good idea, kid.” Tony smirked at Peter, who Peter smiled right back at.

Peter stayed for a couple more hours after that, and Tony talked of (Y/M/N) and the adventures that he had shared with her (keeping the stories strictly PG-13 of course) until Aunt May called Peter’s phone. Naturally, Tony covered for Peter before calling Happy to get the car to drive Peter home. When the car was ready, Pepper went down to the lab and told Peter Happy was ready whenever he was. Peter left with a quick goodbye, breezing past Pepper.

“So, you used the kid to get me to open up, huh?” Tony raised an eyebrow at her.

“Tony, you practically locked yourself in here! You wouldn’t eat or talk to any of us, what was I to do? Besides, talking to him made you feel better, didn’t it?”

“I won’t say that it did, but if you put me in a courtroom, I would say yes to the lawyer.”

“Well it’s nice to hear your sarcasm again. I also came down to tell you that they’ve decided to give (Y/M/N) a funeral service and I think you should go.”

“Of course I’d go. What day did they decide on?”

“Tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow? Pepper, how long have you been sitting on this information?” Tony demanded, visibly upset.

“Oh I’m sorry. Next time when you’re that deep in grief? I’ll still make you do missions or other Avengers activities.” Pepper responded, just as upset.

“I don’t want to argue over this anymore. What time does it start tomorrow?”

“Eleven. Do you want me to go with you?”

“No...this is something I’ve got to do by myself. Besides, imagine what will appear in the news. No offense, Pep, but it’ll look bad if you show up. It’ll be a field day of Stark’s new versus old girlfriend. I don’t want that for you and for her legacy.”

“I understand. Just...at least let Happy take you in the car?”

“Of course.” Tony briefly kissed her cheek and left the lab.

******

The next morning when Tony arrived at the address for the funeral, the press was already swarming his car. When he was just barely climbing out his car, there were 2 cameras being shoved into his face. Happy helped him get the front door by shoving the cameras down, and yelling at them to be more respectful. After all, it was a funeral, not the red carpet.

When Tony went inside, he was surprised by the amount of people. It was an even mixture of other CEOs from other technology based businesses and people (Y/M/N) would’ve known personally. He could pinpoint all of the CEOs naturally, but was struggling to place the others. Perhaps they worked under (Y/M/N) or he recognized some of them from old social media posts (Y/M/N) posted. Tony went around passing niceties with those that were familiar to him. There was one person that he couldn’t place, however. It was a teenage girl, who was seated in the first row. An older man was sitting next to her, with his arm around her and rubbing her shoulder in a fatherly way.

He as well didn’t recognize the older man, but it definitely wasn’t (Y/M/N)’s father. He suffered a stroke years ago, a couple of months after the gala, and didn’t recover. (Y/M/N)’s mother died from heartbreak months later. (Y/M/N) wasn’t very close to her parents, but he remembered how hard it still was to lose both of her parents within that time frame. He kept staring at the two in the front, despite trying to hold conversations with others and trying not to appear rude. Someone that he talked to, an awfully gossip kind of woman, caught him staring at the girl once again. The woman smiled knowingly.

“Don’t recognize her?” she asked, almost too sweetly.

The woman giggled. “She’s not an intern, Mr. Stark. That is in fact, (Y/N) (Y/L/N). Her daughter.”

Daughter? A million thoughts ran through Tony’s head, but before he could even ask the woman how she knew, he was interrupted.

“If everyone would like to find their seats, we would like to begin” the older man stood at a podium, speaking into the microphone, leaving Tony stranded with his thoughts.

Daughter?

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