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hellomystraightlacedfriend · 20 days

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The Osborns' 'Weird' Relationship: An Analysis

◇ Spectacular Spider-Man #146 - Gerry Conway/Sal Buscema ◇

Okay, so I know it was awhile ago that I said I might write an analysis of some of the emotional dysfunctional aspects of 616 Norman and Harry Osborn’s relationship, but I really struggled with the format and how I was going to present this.

One thing that I ended up having to do was throw out any speculation on the writers' intent. With comics, you have so many different writers - especially with a long ongoing, popular series like Spider-Man - that I decided to focus a lot more on the patterns I was picking up when I was reading.

But before I go any further:

CW: discussions of child abuse, mental illness, and suicidal ideation

Disclaimer: In this analysis, I am trying to provide an explanation for why Norman might behave the way he does. However, this explanation of Norman’s abuse is not meant to be a justification of his behaviour.

Also, before we start, you are absolutely allowed to disagree with this analysis! Every reader sees/interprets things a little differently, but I've seen other people pick up on the Osborns' relationship being well, strange, so I decided to examine that a little closer.

There were certain things I kept noticing in Norman and Harry's relationship that I found abnormal (you know, apart from Norman's extensive verbal abuse). Things like: Harry's really intense and misplaced loyalty to his father (that interfers with his other relationships.) The way in which Harry feels responsible for his father. The way Harry doesn’t have a strong identity outside of his father, and how his father doesn't allow (or think Harry needs) any emotional privacy. Also, just some of the ways Norman talks to his son don’t make it feel like a normal parent-child relationship.

In particular in this analysis, I did want to talk about emotional incest and enmeshment, which I am going to define now.

The psychological definition of emotional (or covert) incest is when a parent relies on their child for emotional support that they should be getting from another adult. They treat their child like a friend or partner, instead of well, a child.

And

An enmeshed family is one where there is a lack of boundaries, and often, the child isn't allowed to have an individual identity.

I think we see a lot of the after affects of this kind of emotional abuse in Harry as an adult, and while we don't see a whole lot of Harry and Norman's relationship dynamic when Harry is growing up, I do want to start from there, using what flash backs and other information we have.

Actually to give some background on why this kind of abuse occurred, I will go back a bit further than that and talk briefly about Norman’s childhood and his relationship with Harry’s mother.

Norman definitely didn't have a great childhood. His father was a bitter and abusive alcoholic who blamed all of his problems on other people, including his son. And while Norman's mother wasn't abusive towards him, she did fail to protect him. This betrayal from an early age from both his parents would have been a huge contributer to Norman's extensive trust issues (and his drive to be in control so he's not hurt again.)

Norman didn't get the emotional support and attention he needed while growing up, so that's really what he was seeking as a young adult, and he found it in Emily Lyman aka Harry's mother.

Now while I don’t think that Norman and Emily's relationship was perfect like he presents it to be, I do think from his point-of-view this was a great time in his life. He was finally out from under his father's thumb. This beautiful woman believed in him. They had their whole lives ahead of them. The possibilities were endless, and then - she died.

Or faked her death and left him because he was so controlling.

Either way, she was gone, and he still a young man was left to go on as a single father.

Interestingly, Norman both blames Harry for Emily's death and compares him to her. Much later in his life, when talking to Harry's grave, Norman says that he tried to be fair to Harry 'even though you were so much like your mother in so many ways.' In this scene, Norman is angry at Harry for dying and thus 'abandoning' him to be alone. And I think that's what Norman felt when Emily died too, this deep sense of abandonment.

◇ Spider-Man: Revenge of the Green Goblin #1 - Roger Stern/Ron Frenz | Peter Parker: Spider-Man #44 - Paul Jenkins/Humberto Ramos ◇

(Later, it's revealed that Harry is not dead. Or maybe he is. I am NOT getting into the whole post-OMD-Harry-is-a-clone mess. For the sake of this analysis, they are the same person. They would have the same memories anyway.)

Now I am going to be piecing some things together and doing a bit of speculating. One thing that always stuck with me is that Harry keeps saying that his and Norman's relationship used to be different, that they used to be 'pals,' and then something changed. While I know a lot of people dismiss this, become Harry is delusional about his father at other points, I do think when Norman became the Green Goblin, there was a shift in their relationship dynamic, and Norman stopped opening up as much to his son.

I still absolutely think Norman was a neglectful and preoccupied father, but I also think that Norman was an emotionally needy person, and once Emily died, Norman (who was most likely extremely depressed and lacking a support system) tried to have Harry meet some of those needs. I say tried to, because Harry was just a little kid, a baby, and he wouldn’t be capable of doing that.

I think a lot about a panel from Spectacular Spider-Man #178 where Harry is talking to his own son Normie Osborn. Normie is a very young child/toddler. While Harry is talking to Normie, and Normie is watching TV, Harry starts hallucinating that his father is in the room. (Both Harry and his father have had psychotic episodes.)

Norman tells Harry that Normie should be listening to Harry, and when Harry says that Normie is just 'a little guy' and 'doesn't really understand all this,' the Norman Sr. hallucination becomes angry and says that Harry was just the same. That Harry was lost in his own head when he was young, and couldn’t hear when Norman talked to him.

◇ Spectacular Spider-Man #178 - J.M. DeMatteis/Sal Buscema ◇

It's interesting the way Norman and Harry differ here. Harry wants his son Normie to be able to enjoy these early years and have this chance to be carefree. Whereas Norman doesn't seem to really understand the concept of childhood and childhood innocence.

I also find it interesting (because I'm obsessed with word choice) that both Norman and Harry use 'pals' to describe their relationship.

◇ Amazing Spider-Man #39 & #40 - Stan Lee/John Romita Sr. ◇

And just in general, Norman and Harry's relationship doesn't seem to fall into the typical parent-child relationship - where the parent takes care of the child and meets the child's emotional needs. Instead, it's more complicated and codependent.

Norman and Harry both view Norman as Harry’s provider and protector. Norman is abusive towards Harry, but he does show deep concern about Harry's safety and worries about what would happen if he (Norman) suddenly died - because he's afraid Harry wouldn't be able to fend for himself.

On the other hand, Norman really doesn't give Harry any tools to become independent or encourage a separate identity, and I think part of that is because subconsciously - as much as he keeps saying he wants Harry to be strong - Norman actually wants Harry to be dependent on him.

Like on one level Norman does want Harry to be strong and be able to think for himself, so that he can take over the company and continue the Osborn legacy (and he is angry at Harry and verbally punishes him for not living up to this). But on a more personal - and like I said before subconscious - level, I do think that Norman wants Harry to have to rely on him. Because Norman doesn't want Harry to be able to leave him. Because he doesn't want to be alone.

And that's the thing, I do think that Norman is also dependent on Harry.

Harry is the nurturer to his father's protector and provider. He cares for and worries about his father a lot, and as much as Norman does not like to be seen as weak, there are quite a few moments where we do see Norman be vulnerable around his son.

Why this happened is probably largely circumstantial. Norman is a very paranoid man, who constantly fears betrayal from those around him. Even with the other adults in Norman's life who he is 'close' to - like J Jonah Jameson and George Stacy, he is not open. He does not trust them. He thinks that people are conspiring against him. However, he doesn't see his young son as a threat, as someone who could turn against him and hurt him. And he pulls Harry into this emotional isolation with him by telling his son not to trust anyone but his family (anyone but Norman.)

◇Amazing Spider-Man #62 - Stan Lee/John Romita Sr. || Amazing Spider-Man #47 - Stan Lee/John Romita Sr. || Amazing Spider-Man #67 - Stan Lee/John Romita Sr. || Spectacular Spider-Man #200 - J.M. DeMatteis/Sal Buscema◇

That puts Harry in a very difficult position, because he has deal with these adult concerns at such a young age, and he also can't fully open up to anyone else. This strain, along with Norman's exacting standards and scathing criticism, puts a lot of pressure of Harry.

However, Harry is used to being his father's confidant, and he becomes extremely anxious if his father shuts him out - or worse if he doesn't know where his father is. In a way, as much as Harry says that his father is strong and great, I think (at some level) Harry must also see his father as (emotionally) fragile.

This is especially noticeable in Amazing Spider-Man #121, where Harry is supposed to be resting because he has just overdosed, but he can't because he's so worried about how his father will react to possible financial ruin. He goes to him, tells his father that he doesn't need to worry about him, that he can take care of himself, that he's just worried about his father. He then proceeds to collapse in Norman's arms because he is not well.

◇ Amazing Spider-Man #40 - Stan Lee/John Romita || Amazing Spider-Man #61 - Stan Lee/John Romita Sr., Don Heck || Amazing Spider-Man #63 - Stan Lee/Don Heck, John Romita || Amazing Spider-Man #121 - Gerry Conway/Gil Kane ◇

This collapse leads Norman to want to rid Peter Parker/Spider-Man from his life (by killing Peter), because he falsely blames Peter for Harry's drug overdose and also the collapse of Osborn Indistries.

Now Peter’s involvement in the Osborns' personal lives is interesting. Peter is the first person that Harry really opens up to outside of his father - when Harry breaks down and complains that his father had been very distant in the last few years. When Peter responds with the emotional support Harry had never gotten from Norman, Harry draws Peter further into his life by asking him to be his roommate. Harry’s demeanour toward Peter also becomes similar to his attitude towards his father, submissive and eager to please. (He even calls Peter 'sir' at one point when he's trying to get his attention - an address he uses towards his father.)

Peter, however, is so caught up in being Spider-Man that, like Norman, Peter often neglects his relationship with Harry. This leads Harry to be rather passive-aggressive. At one point, Harry offers to make Peter breakfast, but when he hears Peter locking his stuff up, he becomes insulted that Peter would think he would steal from him and storms off to see Norman instead.

This becomes an ongoing element, Harry being torn between Norman and Peter, and seeking love/support from both of them, but seemingly unable to get it.

Now I want to make it quite clear that Norman and Peter are not equally responsible here. Peter is Harry’s age and has troubles of his own. Norman should be acting as Harry’s father, but he really isn't, not emotionally anyway. He is meeting his son's material needs (to an excess), but he is emotionally neglecting his son while also emotionally burdening him with his own troubles. Plus Norman is constantly verbally berating Harry for failing to live up to his impossible expectations - leaving Harry feeling worthless and extremely depressed.

Harry takes drugs to cope with these negative feelings - first abusing prescription medication and then moving on to street drugs. There is even already a note of passive suicidal ideation here, as when Peter asks him how many pills he's taking, Harry's response is 'What’s the difference? Who counts?' (Amazing Spider-Man #97 - Stan Lee/Gil Kane.)

Now I refuse to believe that Harry doesn't understand that there's a possibility of overdose here: he's a chemistry (and business) major with a father who sells drugs for a living. He knows that it is a possibility. So, while he's not actively seeking to end his life, he also doesn't really seem to care if he lives or dies - as long as he can escape from his pain.

Harry does eventually overdose - and it's an overdose that leads Norman to go after Peter & also Peter’s girlfriend (and Harry's friend) Gwen. Norman blames all of Harry’s friends for his condition, but especially Peter. And Norman blames himself for failing to protect his son from them. He threatens to kill Gwen if Peter doesn't end his own life, and when Peter doesn't comply, Norman goes ahead with his threat - throwing Gwen Stacy off the George Washington Bridge. (Amazing Spider-Man #121 - Gerry Conway/Gil Kane.)

Peter (as Spider-Man) goes after Norman in revenge, and Norman ends up dying (albeit by his own glider and not Peter’s hand.) Harry eventually figures out that Peter is Spider-Man, and this leads him to think that his and Peter’s friendship wasn't real, that it was entirely a ruse on Peter’s part. That Peter was just getting close to Harry to close in on his father.

Harry ends up forgetting about Peter Parker’s secret identity after his first attack on Peter though, and so for years the threat of Harry's revenge remains dormant. However, even from 'beyond the grave' (Norman, um, kind of faked his death, but Harry didn’t know that) Norman still had a hold on Harry’s psyche.

One early warning sign of the return of Green Goblin might have been that Harry names his child both after his father and himself (Norman Harold Osborn), keeping their names (and identies) close together. Harry also tells young Normie how special a man his grandfather Norman Osborn was. Then Harry begins to hear his father's voice telling him to revenge his death, to kill Spider-Man/Peter Parker.

Harry goes back and forth on how he sees his father. At times, he is able to see his father as who he really was/is, a dangerous criminal who ruined his own life. However, at other points, he calls Norman 'wonderful' and 'the greatest man this world has ever known.' He claims that his father's spirit is in him fuelling all his efforts, and blames Peter for both Norman's and Gwen's deaths.

Of course, it would be hard for anyone to admit that their father killed one of their closest friends, however, I think with Harry it goes even beyond that. Because Harry doesn't have a solid identity outside of his father, he is unable to fully see himself and his father as two separate people. So, in his head, Harry can't admit that his father killed Gwen, because then he would also have to think that he killed Gwen - something I don't think that Harry can wrap his head around doing. It's easier then to blame someone else - Peter/Spider-Man.

When Harry does finally admit that Norman killed Gwen, he still absolutely thinks (pretty understandibly) that it was Peter who ended Norman's life. Because of this, Harry decides that both he and Peter would be better off dead - and that their deaths would protect their loved ones from further harm.

It is only an outpouring of unconditional love from Peter (something Harry had never really felt before) that sways Harry from ending Peter’s life. He carries Peter out of the building where he had set up a timed bomb, but then seemingly dies himself (from side effects of the serum he'd taken to make himself stronger.)

🪻🌷🪻🌷🪻🌷🪻🌷🪻🌷🪻🌷🪻🌷🪻🌷🪻

Break!

🪻🌷🪻🌷🪻🌷🪻🌷🪻🌷🪻🌷🪻🌷🪻🌷🪻

Okay, this is here because this is getting long, but I don’t want to make it a two-parter, but also sometimes people need to take a break and breathe, you know?

I will also be concentrating more on post One More Day Harry in this section, though referring back to earlier comics as well. I will also be talking more about sex and romantic relationships, and how Harry's focus on his father (and Norman seeing himself as the most important person in Harry’s life) complicates things.

The Dan Slott and Joe Kelly runs leading up to and during Dark Reign were the first Spider-Man comics I read, and these were the issues where I first got to see the Osborns' relationship on page. What really struck me then about the relationship was how Norman talks to Harry more like a separated spouse than his grown child: 'I need you,' 'the world could be ours,' 'come home,' 'your place is here, by my side.'

During this period, Harry is pulling away from his father and trying to be independent, and Norman does not like this at all. He mocks Harry’s business ventures, then bombs Harry’s place of business - almost killing Harry’s then girlfriend Lily Hollister in the process. When Harry goes to confront him, Norman says that girlfriends are replaceable and tries to win Harry back. This, however, does not work, and shortly following this, Harry goes no contact.

Norman will not accept this boundary, however, or any boundary really. He admitted earlier to recording and listening to all of Harry’s therapy sessions, and when Harry won't answer his calls or letters, Norman has people spy on his son and report to him on everything Harry is doing. He then gets himself invited to a wedding that Harry is attending.

This is when he tells Harry that he needs him, something that does visibly affect Harry. Peter steps in between Harry and Norman, and tells Norman 'and that's what therapy's for.'

This scene is interesting because Norman does not like admitting that he needs other people, but also because Peter doesn't consider this (entirely) as a ploy on Norman’s part. He does think that Norman is being honest about 'needing' Harry. He just thinks that the way Norman seeks support from his son is unhealthy.

There is also an 'us'-ness in the Norman-Harry relationship, that is more typical of couples. This along with how Harry is thrust into this nurturing role with Norman, makes him (at times) seem more like his father’s spouse than his son.

And when Harry and Norman do end up cutting ties, Harry even says: 'I was never your son.'

◇ Amazing Spider-Man #573 - Dan Slott /John Romita Jr. || Amazing Spider-Man #595 - Joe Kelly/Phil Jimenez || Amazing Spider-Man #598 || Writer: Joe Kelly/Artists: Paulo Siqueira & Marco Checchetto || Amazing Spider-Man #599 - Joe Kelly/Stephen Segovia, Marco Checchetto, Paulo Siqueira ◇

This relationship with his father - before the eventual break up - does also lead to problems in Harry’s romantic relationships.

Because Norman basically sees himself as the centre of the universe and because he is very possessive of the people around him, Harry grew up internalising this idea that he belongs to his father and that he should prioritise Norman above everything else.

And because of this, Harry does tend to elevate and choose his father over his other relationships. Like how when he was seeing Mary Jane Watson, that relationship ended because Harry wouldn’t unlock the door for her - choosing to be alone with his dead father's costume over being with her. His marriage with Liz also deteriorates as Harry obsesses over avenging his father's death and continuing the Osborn legacy.

Of note, in these moments Harry isn't exactly thinking clearly - there are definitely signs of psychic breaks, with Harry having delusions and hallucinations. Still, a huge part of Harry's psyche is consumed by his father - to the detriment of other aspects of his life.

Even after Harry sees Norman as a bad person (acknowledging that his father was Gwen's killer and knowing for sure that Norman has committed countless other heinous crime), Norman still has a hold over his son. Harry still holds out hope for winning his father's love and approval - and completely dismisses his then girlfriend Lily Hollister's encouragement and support. Instead focusing entirely on his father's criticisms.

◇Amazing Spider-Man #595 - Joe Kelly/Phil Jimenez || Amazing Spider-Man Family #4 - J.M. DeMatteis/Val Semeiks || Amazing Spider-Man #390 - J.M. DeMatteis/Mark Bagley◇

◇Amazing Spider-Man #126 - Gerry Conway/Ross Andru || Spectacular Spider-Man #189 - J.M. DeMatteis/Sal Buscema || Amazing Spider-Man #569 - Dan Slott /John Romita Jr.◇

Another thing involving Lily Hollister - a rather controversial decision - was to have her be in sexual relationships with both Harry and Norman Osborn (with the timing being so close together that the paternity of her child was called into question.)

I actually don't think it's so surprising that Norman would go after someone his son was seeing. He is very self-centred and delusion enough to think that he could somehow get away with it.

Also, back in Amazing Spider-Man #96, there was this whole thing about Harry bringing along Norman to watch the girl he was then seeing - Mary Jane Watson - dance. It kind of comes across like Harry is trying to impress his father with how hot his 'girlfriend' is, and Norman is quite publicly enchanted by her.

There is something similar in the Raimi adaption where Harry Osborn wants Mary Jane Watson to dress in black (like Harry’s mother/Norman’s wife used to do) because he wants Norman to be impressed by her/find her attractive. Which people have pointed out is kind of weird/creepy.

Also kind of weird is just how much empathy Harry has towards Lily Hollister after she ditches him for his dad. Like yes, I think it's a coercive relationship, and Norman is much more to blame, but I still think most people would be a little more angry in this situation. And what Harry does say to Lily at the start of her and Norman's relationship is very interesting to me:

'He's an amazing man, Lily...I know, and he takes very special care of his "nice things"...until he doesn't.

I hope you see him for what he is before that happens...

Because when Norman Osborn is through with you, no one gets to have you.'

One) because it's really quite strange to call the father you suspect is sleeping with your ex-girlfriend 'an amazing man'

Two) because the way Harry is saying this makes it seems like it applies to both her and him. The 'I know' in particular stands out, because what he seems to be saying is 'I know exactly what you are feeling/going through right now.'

Which given that she is in 'romantic' relationship with his father certainly raises questions.

◇Amazing Spider-Man: Extra! #3 - Joe Kelly/Dale Eaglesham || Amazing Spider-Man #96 - Stan Lee/Gil Kane◇

In any case, I could probably write more, but this post is already more than long enough. I just find the dynamic between Norman & Harry Osborn fascinating because I don’t think it's one we see as often in fiction, and I love reading about dysfunctional families/relationships.

I also find post-OMD Harry really interesting, because I think it's even rarer to see a person, who was in a relationship like this, have to move on, fully cut ties, and figure out how to build a life for themselves without this person (who they had such codendency with.)

#harry osborn #norman osborn #analysis #spider man #peter parker #gwen stacy #liz allan #lily hollister #marvel comics #marvel 616 #my post

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peachywontyell · 5 months

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ive had this bouncing around in my head for a while, so here we are.

i am a sucker for pretty boys with kind brown eyes and jaime fits that description perfectly...so i decided to give him a lot of pining (that is definitely reciprocated), he has to be a big brave boy and confess 🫶🏾 also, this is placed before the events in the movie !

inspired by

hanging out with jaime has always been very warm, cozy, comfortable. ever since you were children when you'd spend weekends riding your bikes around the neighborhood, only to crash at one of your houses after having way too much food. it happened so frequently that it got to the point where it just was the new normal for both of your families (impromptu get togethers were very common).

the friendship you guys had only grown stronger with each year that passed and well- there were definitely feelings there that weren't strictly platonic now. you were trying your hardest to push them away though, and jaime was having the same issues...however neither of you dared to even threathen the sanctity of the bond shared by confessing. that is until one summer came along, you guys had gone to different universities, and even though you called and texted daily, summer was when you guys could actually hang out like the old days. and here you were, having gone to pick up jaime from the airport with the rest of the reyes. as he walked through the gate you let his family say their hellos first- it's safe to say he almost drowned in hugs and kisses, and when you finally got to say hello you didn't hold back with the bear hug either.

you missed him dearly, and the weird feeling of anxiety, excitement and happiness settled in your stomach as he squeezed you back and actually just fully picking you up. it made the feeling in your stomach even stronger.

"JAIME DIOS MÍO BÁJAME"

"Que no, don't wanna"

"okay so if that's how this is gonna go, cárgame bien, señor"

suddenly you guys were in your own world, talking and laughing and everyone could clearly see what was happening here. milagro was gonna have a field day with the teasing as soon as she had a chance. he ended up putting you down- but only after he carried you all the way to the car. it was embarrassing yes, but now as embarrassing as the older couple that chuckled as you walked past and talked to themselves in hushed voices about 'how sweet young love is' and how they wished they could go back in time and experience it all over again.

that got you both blushing...and made the drive back home for lunch a bit...strange. nothing really changed, you still sat together and chatted, but jaime couldn't stop thinking about what they had said. did you guys actually look like a couple? should he had said something to them? the fact that he didn't mind if they thought so made him feel warm and fuzzy.

two weeks pass, and while you've somehow managed to push away those fuzzy feelings, things have definitely flipped for jaime- and milagro did not help one bit. she woke up much earlier than he did, you did too, and it usually meant that as soon as he walked out into the kitchen he'd see you just having breakfast.

"buenas morning" you say, trying not to laugh cause his hair looked bonkers, but even if you found it hilarious, it was still endearing, and the fuzzy feelings you had to fight every single day before meeting him were back and they were looking for vengeance. and when he almost put his full body weight on top of you for a hug not caring that you were in the middle of eating? well, you felt like you were going to die. "mornin...." he didn't move off. "jaime." "Hmmm?" "get off of me and go shower, tenemos que encontrarnos con el grupo in like an hour". with one last, extremely dramatic sigh, he moves off and does as told. it's not like he didn't want to spend the day with you and some of your other friends, they were his friends too, but he would much rather stay in and chill.

not even two hours later and you guys are at the little picnic area everyone agreed to meet up at, playing silly games, chatting and just catching up! and jaime just wasn't feeling it, he couldn't really pinpoint the reason why until he sees how talkative and close you are with one of the guys there. okay. that's fine. it's just a hangout, nothing is happening, you definitely aren't flirting with him. thank god someone called the guy over cause he didn't know how much he could take.

"so how'd the flirting go?" he thought he sounded casual, calm, normal. he did not sound casual, calm or normal. he sounded upset and looked like a sad dog. "what flirting- what the hell happened to you? why do you look so sad? ¿qué pasó?" "hm? nothing." he shook his head, making you squint. okay, if he didn't want to tell you, then you'd just come up with absurd reasons as to why he would be upset. "¿tas celoso?" funny how you got it right first try. you don't know that, though. "what? no- ¿qué?" he prays to god the blush creeping up his neck isn't noticeable, prays it doesn't betray him. "Ayyyyy si es eso you don't have to be, tu sabes que you're irreplaceable" you laugh and god is definitely on his side cause you're called over a few second later by someone of the order people and he can feel his heart beating so fast he fears its gonna burst through his chest.

the hangout went by smoothly, he genuinely couldn't be happier, even if at first he didn't want to be there. he has to admit, he did miss his friends, so he's glad he could spend some time with them. now you guys are laying on his bed, chismeando and just debriefing when the topic of him being "jelous" came up again. maybe he could just do it. he knew it was risky, but....he was willing to take the chance. "....you know what? maybe i was. maybe i was very jelous, maybe i still kind-of am." he felt you sitting up and all he could do was pull a pillow over his face and keep this shit rolling "you've always made me feel so comfortable and...warm, and ive always loved you, but at some point i think it turned into love...? does that make sense- no- it's fine- okay- look i just- de verdad que me gustas mucho y pues no sé- i don't wanna fuck this up aunque creo que ya lo jodí-" he huffs and sits up to face you, looking embarrassed and flustered "you're so special to me and i really don't want to mess up the friendship we have, okay? but i'd just...i'd really like to be yours."

you aren't sure if you should just kiss him or shake him by the shoulders. so you settle for taking his hand in yours, feeling your face grow warmer- if that's even possible after that confession. "jaime, look at me." that boy is holding onto the pillow for dear life, using it to still obscure his face while he shakes his head. he's trembling. you use your other hand to grab his face and look at you "please, just kiss me" "really?" "si-" and he does, like he's been starving. he almost doesn't let you pull back even though you both need to breathe. "jaime mi amor, you will always be my favorite pretty boy and im so happy i can finally tell you."

#peachy thinks thoughts!#peachy talks into the void!#yeah im upset with this but i said id post it ://#still kinda cute though :') i fuck heavy with the yearning and cute crushes #and jaime is just fun to imagine in cute situations like that #jaime reyes #jaime reyes x reader #blue beetle (2023)#plus size reader #latina reader #again reitero ese tag y el de plus size #anyway #hope whoever reads this enjoys it #sorry its a lil slow and ends abruptly i would have kept it going but i wanted to keep it wholesome #ALSO #Spanglish #!!!!! YEAHHHHHH LETS GOOOO

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disco-cola · 4 months

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i also want to say again i never questioned or criticized israel until after i went to israel four years ago. it was an educational travel trip that i won in a tombola and i went there not knowing anything about it, automatically assuming we would be staying with jewish guest families and everything would just all be about jewish life and religion there. i was looking forward to it very much. i remember getting the list which told us examples of little gifts we could get for the guest families and that food would have to be "halal" and being confused by it, like shouldnt it say kosher? i was even more confused when i found out we would be staying a week of the trip with arab guest families in a city with 99% muslim population. i just - so wrongly - assumed, like anywhere in the world, arabic people just moved to israel like they would to germany or great britain or wherever basically. especially due to israels location and the neighboring countries i didnt question that when that was the first thing that should have made me. i remember i even was disappointed that we weren't staying with jewish guest families. yknow even though my grandpa was born in 1955 and my great grandpa in the 1930s only (and me and the rest of my still alive family not knowing anything else about what the grown part of my ancestors did in the 30s and 40s) you carry an internalized feeling of guilt and regret with you as a german, you just do. and i will also totally admit to my own bias and googleing how close the gaza strip was to every single place we would go to that was on the itinerary. why? because even though i am not jewish or israeli, i was taught how "dangerous" gaza was growing up in germany through the 2000s and 2010s, remembering gruesome things i heard on the news in 2014 especially (about operation protective edge) and seeing violent footage coming out of gaza that made me fear for ww3 back then. i remember being 17 and looking up gaza on google already then and being relieved its not that close. after overhearing several dubious things during the trip through israel that made me have questions (also overhearing derogatory remarks about "arabs" that i just couldnt place, assuming theres just racist idiots anywhere in the world but not fully seeing the true extent yet) and being weirded out by the what I thought was a random „border control“ in the middle of nowhere (it was a checkpoint, I didn’t know I was driving through the occupied West Bank) but not daring to ask them while i was there - totally falling for the "any criticism or questioning of israel is antisemitic" narrative - i just saved the questions in my mind to look into when i got back home. and it was only then that i realized the zionistic values and also talking points i had somehow unknowingly internalized even though i grew up in a normal formal non-religious fully german household. through news reporting growing up before social media, and because we never talked about palestine and israel in school. i only knew the shoah was awful and something like this can never happen again, eventually picking up and going with the "jewish homeland" thing and never felt any need to ask questions like "what was here before" until i went there. after starting to learn more - and also finally understanding our what was called "israeli arab" guest families were actually palestinians and the town we were staying in used to be palestinian too, like so many other places i visited on the trip - it took me several months after the trip though still to actually talk to people about it and to start getting vocal in real life and on social media. i was afraid of the antisemitic stamp so much, but now i will never wrongly throw judaism as a religion or ethnicity into one pot with the state of israel ever again, because theres so many jewish people standing against it and i also refuse to see oppression and racism as part of jewish values. those will never bring safety to anyone.

but what "radicalized" me were not texts in books or on websites or spoken words - it was those videos from gaza and the west bank in which no one was talking because they were dead, bombed or shot, or badly injured, or crying and screaming in terror and pain (that i started seeing continuously from 2020 onwards) and i've seen so many, so so so many. enough to "radicalize" me for a 1000 lifetimes. im putting it in quotiations because i dont think its radical to stand for a free palestine. to demand safety and freedom for palestinians, because that to me would never mean to exclude the safety and freedom for jewish people. but freedom will not come through machine guns and checkpoints. you can only be free when there's no walls, neither in physical or in mental form.

#yeah sorry for that rant #free palestine

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trkstrnd · 1 year

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Ya know, i find interesting that once Carlos realized TK was "the one," he really just fully assimilated into the 126 crew and TK's circle and just kind of checked out whatever and whoever was left of his past personal life. It's almost like he was searching his entire life for the life line that he had and then that was it for him.

It's just real interesting to me, because it kind of actually really unhealthy to do that (or it is in real life)- BUT, I do think with TK, it's the only time he has EVER been truly happy.

i agree with you nonnie

and this may not be something that you might be looking for, but i feel like this is a perfect example of why i am pretty positive that carlos reyes is autistic.

i guess tw fan headcanoning mental illness but i have done such a dive into this as an autistic person myself.

i don’t know how it happened, but i’m pretty positive that carlos is my special interest, so when i look at him, i like to break down and analyze every facet of him and his character.

this means who he is how he dresses how he acts what he does, and this current canon plot (even though i hate it), really hammers it home for me.

carlos always grew up different, too “soft” for gabe. he was constantly outcasted by his family, and now by canon standards we are pretty sure he only had one friend in school (that we know of). so when we look at all of the things that went into this (shitty ass) plot point, we see the following.

-outcasted

-low support system

-loner

-people pleaser

-one really good friend

-acting out in ways that will make him fit in.

when you look at these together: they form a mask.

carlos has been masking his entire life, trying to be big and strong for his dad, trying to be the perfect son for his mom. he had one single friend who knew everything about him and he never really branched out because he was afraid of inconveniencing or burdening other people. his entire past life was one big neurotypical comphet mask that he lived until he found tk.

he’s absolutely terrified that any small minute shift in that mask will ruin things with everyone he cares about. it’s why he told his parents tj was his friend, and why he deflected when to got upset and asked why. he didn’t know what his reaction would be, so he took the only way where he knew the outcome. he knew tk was going to leave either way, but if he refused to tell him the truth, then the truth couldn’t disappoint him.

furthermore, he’s hyperexpressive (another learned trait in his masking) and he sometimes lets it slip for just a second, and something comes out (2.08: “but you seemed so happy.”). he tries his best to react normally in high stress situations, but it’s a lot more difficult in their personal life because he feels safer with tk and feels like he can be himself around him (2.13, the specific expression he has when tk tells him that copper is at the door), but when he’s in work mode, the only thing you’ll get from him most of the time is a jaw clench.

and he’s not fully unmasked around tk all the time. he’s getting there, but the rage punching was a perfect example of him not necessarily knowing how to regulate or process his emotions, so they manifest into rage and he takes it out on the punching bag.

and HOO BOY he stims. he rubs his hands together, rubs his knees, tends to clasp his hands in public or cross his arms.

he also hyperfixates on things to a point where it can get unhealthy at times (3.05, watching that nanny can until the /sun was up/, not sleeping?). it’s why he’s a good cop and possible detective. he’s pushy and not easily distracted and he doesn’t let anything get in the way of what he wants, because he’s chasing the dopamine.

he hates when his plans are derailed or ruined. he knows when something is wrong because he’s good at picking up patterns in people since he is so hyperaware. it’s a defense mechanism.

he also has a hard time understanding nuanced situations like cooper and the whole friend from work debacle. he tends to over or under react because he’s not sure how to navigate the situation and his feelings.

and finally, relating back to the ask, i agree that carlos never was truly happy until he found tk, because tk kind of helps him navigate the world that is good for both of them. the perfect example of this is in 3.18, while he’s trying to give the speech, and paul and marjan and nancy interrupt because they know where it’s going. carlos looks like he’s about to murder someone for a split secind and he whispers something to tk, but tk is giddy and squeezes his hand because the message was received regardless of the heartfelt speech.

tk is his lifeline. he helps him navigate and understand the world around him, and carlos is able to be his fullest and truest self with him.

i think you’re right, nonnie. he wanted to get rid of his life before because he finally found something worth living for.

tl;dr: carlos reyes is autistic and never fit in until he found tk and realized he doesn’t need to fit in to be loved.

#911 lone star #carlos reyes #tk strand #trick talks lone star #character study #tarlos #911ls #ls s4 #autism #911ls spoilers

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drdepper · 1 year

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Harveston Kelkkarotu/Sledathon and Finnish representation🇫🇮

Hello!

Now that i've finally played through the whole event, i want to talk about all the finnish inspirations and representation i've found in this event, and there is a lot of it!

I'm finnish (Finland swede to be exact) myself why would i else be making this hehe

This is the most proper finnish rep i've ever seen aside from Lotte and her home in little witch academia. And to also make something clear, Sami rep ≠ finnish rep and vice versa, to not intertwine these two.

And before we start, because swedish traditions have as well been mixed into this event, i will be color coding anytime i'm talking about something Finnish and something Swedish

Alright lets get to it!｡･:*:

First thing's first, the name for this event that they used in the JP server, Kelkkarotu, is made up of two actual finnish words, Kelkka (sleigh, sled) & Rotu (race)

All tho the word rotu is a word used more for breeding, like ex. A dog race, while kilpailu would've been more appropriate for a sled race. Either way i think this was a really neat addition and am sad that it wasn't carried over to the EN server :,)

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Mount Moln

The game is correct that the word translates to cloud, but moln is actually swedish, the word for cloud in Finnish would've been pilvi.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Marja

The name Marja means berry! But it is as well a pretty normal finnish name that you could find someone have.

I love meemaw Marja so much, she reminds me of my own grandma💙

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Kokko market

once again the translation is correct. Kokkon are usually seen around easter or midsummer, but can also been done off of those holidays.

It is also really common to find plenty of different home made sweets at the markets depending on what holiday or season is going on. As well as handmade wooden things, some more useful such as butter knives, spoons and cups, But also decorations or souvenirs.

I'm so happy they mentioned it as it was something i was NOT expecting.

within Finland (and a few other countries) we have a thing called jokamiehenoikeudet/allemansrätt/everyman's right. Which as Epel describes it you're free to roam public or private forests and nature, pick berries and mushrooms as well, but it all to be done respectfully of course. You are not to disturb the wildlife or nature by ex. being unnecessarily loud, breaking plants or trashing nature. i as well really love how Epel brought up when Grim wanted to go get some himself, that he was not gonna get squat from the villagers. Cus once berry and mushroom picking season is amongst us, it's on.

A user made a fantastic post Here listing each plant Jade mentioned, and safe to say every single one can be found in Finland (an other nordic countries). Seen them all myself too! (also who brought the nestle??)

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Fika/kahvi

Even tho the idea of sitting down to enjoy some sweet treats originates from Sweden's fika, it is still very common within Finland as well!

we call it kahvi/kaffe and it's the same idea of sitting down for a cup of coffee with family or friends and enjoying some cookies and other goods. We usually do it on the weekends or free days in our family, or anytime we visit someone or vise versa.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Foods

As again, the sandwhich cake (voileipäkakku/smörgåstårta) originates from Sweden, you will still find it at ex. Finnish family gatherings, birthday parties or other events.

FISH SOUP!

Due to the amount of lakes an water that makes up Finland, fishing is very common here and so is the food. The most common type of fish soup that you'll have here is lohikeitto (salmon soup).

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Respect for the elderly/seniors

this is definitely a stretch on my part but still think it's fun to mention^^

in finnish we have a thing called 'Teitittely', it's hard to explain as it it is not used in the english language, but rather than directly referring to you (sinä) we use a more indirect 'you' (te) to show respect for our elderly and other occasions. If or once they would prefer the person to stop, they just need to request that there is no need to be as formal.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Pancakes

Again was very surprised out of all things that they referenced a type of pancake we have here (pannukakku which literally translates to pancake)

The pancakes that Epel is talking about look like this, and are put into the oven. it's hard to describe the texture of the inside, like a really soft sponge?

On the topic of pancakes~ i want to also mention the ones that we saw at Kokko market (that the bois mistook for takoyaki), all tho i have never seen or heard of pancakes being done the way they were in the event, during autumn or colder seasons if there is a market you will usually find at least one stall making flat (lettu) pancakes on a big pan!

which you can then buy and fill however you like. The most common fillings are apple- and strawberry jam, and/or whipped cream. And some even add sugar to them. People like to roll them up and either eat them by hand or cut in slices, kind of resembling a cinnamon roll.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Extra thoughts

I won't be commenting anything when it comes to the clothing, as it seems that they are loosely inspired by traditional Sami attire. And not being Sami myself or having any relations to it i am in no place to comment about the rep.

but the embroidery on the outfits are a really nice and familiar touch^^

The backgrounds were lovely and had a very cozy feel to them, but didn't find any particular reference or inspiration of note.

Even tho the mix up of swedish and finnish traditions most likely was an accident, aside from mount moln it still works in our favor! be that if Epel is finnish or hecc, even a finland swede!

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

But thank you for listening to me ramble on about the rep, i was genuinely surprised on how MUCH of it there was in this. If you have any questions please feel free to ask and i'll do my best to answer!

take care everyone💙

#harveston event #harveston sledathon #twst harveston #twised wonderland #epel felmier #twst epel #twst sebek #twst jade #twst grim #twst marja #kelkkarotu #harveston kelkkarotu #suomi #finland #twst #FINNISH REP GO BRRRR

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crmsnmth-journal · 2 months

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3/13/2024 10:42 PM

I've been watching Freaks and Geeks (for probably the 100th time) and I never realized that Ann Perkins (Rashida Jones) is in it. I just spent a good while trying to figure out why I recognized her so much. And when I figured it out, I did the only thing a person can do. I pointed at the TV and said in my best Chris Trager impression, "Ann Perkins." And then I proceeded to laugh to myself at my stupid little joke. I am my biggest fan and my worst heckler.

I had probation this morning, which meant my day started at 8:00 AM. It was supposed to start at 6 but I managed to turn every alarm completely off. My ride picked me up at 8:30. I had just enough time to feed the outside cats, my cat, take a five-minute shower and leave. A half-pot of coffee sat looking so delicious, but I stopped taking coffee cups out of the house. I tend to leave them in random places.

Probation went smooth, as always. I always get that weird feeling though that I've done something wrong. Every time. After my hour with the PO group, I just headed up to the alley. It's not like there's really anything better to do in this dying little town. It really makes me wonder if maybe, once I'm off paper, I move somewhere. Not for someone like I did Milwaukee or Manitowoc, but for me. The last placed I moved to for me was Oconomowoc and that turned out to be one of the best decisions I ever made. This town is going to last long, and anyone here can see it. When a house or two is for sale on every single street, that's not a good sign.

Work was unusually dead. I decided to step away from my normal Spotify playlist, and actually went way to back to my old YouTube playlist (back when I was too cheap to pay for any kind of streaming services. I'm not going back to that though.) A lot of my YouTube list was made in very late nights, when i would smoke a lot of weed, which means there is some very very weird shit on there. There are tons of bands that only had a few songs available when I stumbled across them (like Bat Country. The songs Bathroom Floor and Porcelain Lions are beautiful, and can be found pretty easily, check the Fistful of Vinyl sessions.) or really odd mashups. Rick Astley and Nirvana work far better than they should. And then there's they straight up weird (My Hands Are Bananas). It drives Sherry nuts some of the off the wall music I'll sing along too. Every once in a while, one will catch her. Tonight, she heard Annoying's Wishing Well (which is such a hauntingly beautiful tune) and by the end she was asking who it was. Also, Meatwad singing Chicken and Beans will make me laugh every single time I hear it.

Tomorrow is my dad's birthday. This is the first one since he died in January. I'm going to call my stepmom tomorrow and make sure she's doing well. I tried texting her for her birthday, but I didn't get a reply. Of course, I texted her a day or two late. I'm bummed about it. I'm sure most people would be too. But it's kind of weird to me. I mean, he never made it a big deal well he was alive. Most years we just let it pass by. Birthdays have never been a real big thing for our family, at least for the adults. We always joke that once you pass 21 there is nothing left to celebrate. I guess that joke kind of became real. Knowing that, I wonder why it feels so important tomorrow. Why it matters. I can't quite figure it out, and it's kind of eating at me a little bit. Just enough to pique my curiosity. I miss him. He would've been 57.

#journal #my blog #blog #life #my journal #my stuff #my post #my writing #personal #personal blog #slice of life #writing #nonfiction #inner thoughts #personal thoughts

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roosterbruiser · 1 year

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I loved the newest installment of Fuck: The Universe so much! All of Jake and Wisty's various kisses made me want to have a Jake and get to kiss a Jake so, so badly. You make me feel very old and very single (and I'm only 27).

Without further ado, here are my favorite parts and some hopefully not too incoherent screaming about why I loved them.

And this is how Jake gets to wake up now: held tightly in your arms with your body molded around his, your lips pressed against his back, the sunlight streaming in through the curtains you insisted he get (and he does admit that it elevates the room), in the bed that you’ve become a frequent fixture in. But when he breaks it down, when he really dissects these mornings here, he would give every other bit of his comfort away--the ceiling fan being on, all the lights being off, the curtains being closed, the nice sheets, the plush mattress, his mandatory three pillows--just to be in your arms.

AAAAAHHHHH getting to cuddle Jake as the big-spoon in the morning? Kiss his lovely golden shoulders and feel his muscles move under his skin? Honey I want him so bad.

And you don’t even mean to think it, you don’t even mean to let the feeling wash over you, but you suddenly remember your father doing this with your mother. Picking up her hand and inspecting the manicure, telling her how much he likes the new color. Kissing her knuckles. It makes a softness press into the very marrow of your bones.

I am sobbing! The thought of Ice being so sweet with Wisty's mama! And I just know that the first time Wisty got a mani pedi with that blueberry nail polish Jake loves to hate as a little girl, Ice did the same thing for her as he did for her mama.

It’s been hard for you to let go like this since the official passing of your father. Your mom has been doing remarkably well, never shedding a tear around you at your weekly lunches and still making a frequent church-date out of Jake. It seems like everyone is moving on so normally, pushing forward. And sometimes you feel like you are, too. You’ve moved in with a serious boyfriend, you’re working on base. But then other times, like today, you dream about your father and feel like the floor has fallen out from under you. You hate it that you’re still so angry, hate it that he’s gone. Jake’s already taken care of you--Hell, you and your family--so much in the past few months. You don’t want him to feel burdened by this grief that plagues you.

Oh, oh oh! This was such a gut punch. Everything for Jake and Wisty somehow comes back to how they found each other huh? In the worst time of Wisty's life. I love that the only conceivable end to the fight is for Jake to hold Wisty as she cries. It would be a complete 180 for Jake to act any other way in this universe. And I swear to God if he had gone dick-Bagman mode I woulda reached through my phone screen and throttled his golden neck myself.

All of this is just to say that every installment of Fuck:The Universe has been better than the last. I cannot wait to see ever minute of the rest of Jake and Wisty's lives now.

P.S. If you find a Jake wandering around in the wild, please do think of me when you're addressing him to go out to his new home! 🥰🥰🥰😘😘😘

THIS IS LITERALLY THE BEST THING YOU CAN DO FOR A WRITER!!! THIS SERIOUSLY JUST MADE MY ENTIRE NIGHT!! YOU HAVE NO IDEA!! IT'S SO GOOD TO GET FEEDBACK!!!

I literally adore you and you're such a constant form of support!! it's so special!! 27 is also such a gorgeous age!! it's the age Stevie Nicks was when she wrote Landslide and it's a girl boss age!! remember that!!

literally making MYSELF moan when writing about waking up spooning Jake Marie Seresin!! he's everything to me

yeah all the parallels between Ice and Jake make me feel fucking WEEPY!!!

that last gif made me giggle so much!! listen, in Fuck: The Universe we only allow the softest of Jake Seresin's!! Jake is still making up from his stunts in the very first part and he's gonna KEEP making it up to Wisteria! period!

and once again, thank you so much. it means the world and everything more to me that you let me know what you like!! makes my night!!!

and I will absolutely keep you in mind if I find a feral Jake!!

#m answers #fuck: the universe

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notproofread · 1 year

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A Court of Mist and Fury pt. 3

Or in hindsight I know that I was blinded

hi & hello fellow book-lovers and/or fans of the ACOTAR/ACOMAF-series. After a quick break I am back to shout my thoughts into the endless void of book-tumblr. As always please remember that this is just my opinion on the books/story/characters and you do not have to agree with me. Instead please feel welcomed to tell me your thoughts on the matter & read through my other ramblings as well

Now that we have discussed Feyre and Tamlin it is only natural to move on to our third Love-Triangle-Part Rhysand and his Night Court.

Rhysand is literally perfect what the fuck? I like him so much. And I think that this is what makes me so angry about Feyre and Tamlin because obviously Sarah J. Maas is capable of writing characters that make sense, that work well within the world and story. Rhys is interesting, respectful and hard-working, he cares for his friends, his court. And while he can be a bit too cocky and overconfident at times it seems as if he knows his limits, knows what he can and can't do. He has flaws, as any normal human or fae (as perfect as they may seem) has but he acknowledges this. Tamlin seemed to be all that as well in the first book but Rhys is different in the way that he acknowledges Feyre's as well as his own trauma. He is not the picture-perfect love interest, he is a bit morally grey right from the start and he admits to it (shielding his city from everyone to protect it, telling Amarantha the fake name Feyre gave him, being brutal towards the Court of Nightmares, etc.). He talks about his feelings and obviously makes everyone else around him feel like they can own up to their past as well. This dynamic is something that is nice to read through.

Cassian, Mor, Azriel and Amren work so well with him and the Night Court. Their whole group-dynamic is fun and gives off so much found family vibes, it is simply amazing. They work so closely together, each and every single one of them plays their role, in the Court of Dreams as well as in the Court of Nightmares. Feyre gets to know and work with them all individually (some more, some less), so the reader is able to figure out all the dynamics on their own. We get to experience these characters as well as their flaws, fears and to some extent their backgrounds. And what I think is most enjoyable is that there is no "mean" character that picks on the main character just because, which many young adult books like to have (typically another female character and this trope is so old any mysogynistic but that is an entirely different topic lol). Instead we get to experience Mor and Feyre instantly bonding with each other or Feyre being able to prove to Amren that she is useful and more than just a pretty High Fae from the Spring Court. There is so much more to Mor and Amren in general that I instantly fell in love with both of them.

As for Azriel and Cassian I am really excited to see what more they can do. Because they have been established as strong fighters who would die for their friends and the end of ACOMAF has only further proven this. However even though we have been told that Feyre has been training with Cassian we don't get to see the same level of interaction we do with Mor or even with Amren. Same goes for Azriel. It seems like Feyre is kind of all up in their romantic business but not really interacting with both of the men. Since Feyre is the main character and we see the story through her eyes I hope she spends more time with Cassian and Az, so that we as the readers get to see more of them.

The Characters of the Court of Dreams are my favorite so I am glad that the focus of the story was moved to them. Of course not everything about the way they and their interactions are portrayed is perfect but it is much more enjoyable than the Spring Court in the first book. The Night Court is a clear sign that SJM is able to work this out, make characters consistent, likeable even with their flaws and trauma. And that is what I hope to see from the next book(s): characters that act upon their alleged motivation. Make the bad guys act their part if they want to see their enemies destroyed, make them evil, ruthless and cunning. Let morally grey characters be grey, let them have their reasons for doing the things they are doing. Give characters chances to heal, to be better, to turn their lives around. Let there be more to all of their lifes than mates and romantic love (is that a hint for the next part...?)

#good charatcer = good story #if your characters dont make sense its not fun #i love found families #platonic love is so important #a court of mist and fury #a court of thorns and roses #rhysand #night court #court of dreams #court of nightmares #cassian #azriel #mor #amren #acotar #feyre #tamlin

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fun8869 · 5 months

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I suppose I should blame the internet. If there was ever a case of too much choice then the internet is that case. As a famous TV show once said if they took the porn off the internet there would only be one site left on the internet ‘www.bringbacktheporn.com’ After about 5 years of just typing in sex in the search bar people stumble on to certain types of sex which they get into, mine was femdom (where a female is the dominant force in the relationship) It got to a time when wherever I got a chance to go on the internet I was on it, even in public in some corner where no one can see my screen or in fact my hard on hidden underneath my lap top or when at any of my friends house. This is where my story starts.

I suppose I should start by describing my self. I am 6 ft tall and although sporty I would not be well built or anything. I am 24 with a nice job that keeps me going, am single, and live by my self with a lot of family and friends close by. My story and life is now about 1 friend in particular. Her name was Emily; she was slim 5ft 9 inches with long shiny black hair. I was always attracted to her but always thought that nothing would ever happen between us because we were such good friends plus her having a boyfriend for 5 years could never help my chances. One night Emily hosted a dinner party, not as posh as your probably thinking it was just about 12 friends invited around for finger food and drinks. After about 6 drinks everybody went home but I decided to stay as Emily and her boyfriend Steve had a couple of spare bedrooms and like a couple of times before I was asked to stay over so I accepted. Soon after Emily and Steve said they were going to bed and with the wink she gave me I knew that soon enough they would be upstairs fucking, she always found it hilarious telling me about their sex life. My room was downstairs which was a good thing because I did not fancy being awake all night listening to Emily orgasm very loudly as she told me she did on a previous nights. On my way to the room I noticed that Emily had left her laptop on the kitchen table so I picked it up and bought it to bed. Of course after about 5 minutes I was cruising the femdom sites and looking at varied vivid pictures and photos of women dominating men. I loved them all, women fucking men with strap on’s, or demanding blow-jobs on their big fake cocks. Men being made up to dress up as women being dominated in every aspect and even cuckolding sites where the men were made do ‘despicable’ acts such as sucking real cock, eating cream pies and even being raped by gangs of men all the while the women in the scenes were either joining in or laughing. After a quick wank I soon fell asleep not before quickly erasing the recent history on the lap top. The next day I went to work normally, and had a normally boring morning until suddenly I received a text from Emily, thinking it was her daily joke she always sent me I opened it, it read ‘laptop crashed, technician in worked fixed it, virus was on it from a website accessed last night, straponsissy’s.com who’s a naughty little boy then’. I was shocked and embarrassed, her technician must have been looking at what could of caused the virus and been able to see what the recent history was even though I thought I had deleted it. Then my phone beeped again ‘I sent you a delivery, you might want to open it in private.

An hour later a delivery man knocked at my office door and handed me a package in a white envelope with a card attached. Once the delivery man was gone I locked my door and opened it. A pair of pink panties fell out; I could not keep my eyes off them. I ripped open the card while still holding the panties it said to put on the panties and send 4 different pictures to Emily’s phone, if I did not she would tell everyone what sites I had been looking at. I could no have anybody knowing so with making sure my door was locked I started to get undressed and 2 minutes later I was standing alone naked apart from a pair of tight pink panties. I sent the pictures as quickly as I could and then got dressed again quickly but with leaving on the panties because to tell the truth they were the biggest turn on I had ever seen in my life.

I tried to get back to work as quickly as I could all the while having the biggest hard on in my life. 2 hours later there was a knock at the door and before I could raise my self out of my chair Emily had burst through my door locking the door behind her. Her face could have told a thousand stories I could tell there would be no arguing with her, she looked like she was a woman on a mission. She quickly ordered me to strip which I did, standing before her with pink panties on and a huge boner made me shockingly embarrassed but also excited as this was part of my fantasies for ages.

‘Oh what fun we are going to have with you’ she said in a tone that would make you think she had just one the lottery. She ordered me to kneel down, as she pulled out a pair of handcuffs and what looked like a black penis gag. She quickly secured my hand behind my back and shoved me into my 11ft oak table. She told me not to turn around but I soon heard the sound of clothes hitting the floor. The next thing I knew the penis gag was being forced into my mouth the second it touched my tongue I could taste her pussy juices on it so it ran through my mind that she must have stuffed it up her pussy before stuffing it into my mouth. She began to tell me how she had always wanted to be dominate in a relationship but never got the chance because her boyfriend Paddy was the top in their relationship. She further explained about all the stipulations he puts her through, including to always be fully shaved, to never say no to being bondaged, to always beg to be allowed to blow his thick 12 inch cock and when he wanted, to service his friends.

She told me that I would be following the same rules but to her, after today I was to be completely hairless and get waxed once a week. She would be tying me up and I was not to complain, that I would turn my self into a cock whore always begging her to drive her strap on into my hungry ass and mouth and I would be servicing anybody that she put in front of me. If my jaw was not secured with the penis gag it would have hit the floor. All my dreams were coming true, but I could also tell with the evil smile on her face as she walked in front of me for the first time since she shoved me bent me over the table. The first thing I noticed was how amazing she looked in a tight leather corset, next came the butterflies in my stomach when I seen that big black strap on dildo, she shoved everything off my desk including my laptop I heard it smashing on the floor but dared not move or make a sound. She kneeled up on the desk and removed my gag. As my spit drooled on the table she pulled me forward lifting my feet of the carpet. Without warning she stuck her cock straight in my mouth. I LOVED it. I went to town on it as she started to slap my face. Things were going great until there was a knock at the door and I heard the handle turn. Thankfully Emily had locked the door just as I turned my head to look at the door Emily grabbed me by my two ears and started to fuck my throat, I started to gag immediately but she did not care, the knocking on the door stopped as she started to hold my nose and cause me to splutter all over the plastic member in my mouth. About 10 minutes later she plopped it out of my mouth and told me not to move and she dismounted the desk. It took her about 5 seconds to walk around but it felt like an eternity. She pulled my panties down and inspected them. There was a lot of pre cum on them, she laughed as she put them over my head making sure to be the cum stained crotch area over my mouth. Her strap on was still soaking wet from being in my mouth thank god because she was in no mood for lube.

She spread my ass cheeks and began to enter me. I was basically a virgin apart from once feeling so horny sticking toothbrushes up my rectum while jerking off. It hurt like hell but the good type of hell where I would gladly vacation. I was being sure not to open my mouth because of the stains on the panties, and soon Emily had noticed this and while only being a couple inches inside of me grabbed both of my nipples and started to pinch them hard. I could not help it my mouth was wide open now with the smell of my own cum getting up my nose. She ordered me to start licking them and I had to comply with 4 inches of her cock inside me already and her twisting the fuck out of my nipples. This made her laugh very loud and I was scared someone was going to hear her. I was trying so hard not to moan out so no one could hear my but it was very hard. She stopped very sudden and pulled straight out I felt like my stomach had been pulled out, for a moment I felt disappointed that she was no longer inside my until I realised she only wanted me on my back. I turned over already exhausted but wanting my ass to be full again. She instructed me to spread my legs and pull them back which I did all the while with the panties still covering my face. She entered me again and with slow strokes started pounding away at my ass. She was asking me did I love it in my ass pussy I said yes as I started moaning feeling like the biggest slut ever. She started stroking my cock while banging away at me. As her dildo started to hit my prostrate she told me to cum, I would not of been able to stop even if I wanted to as my spunk started flying all up my chest as this was where she was aiming my cock. She grabbed me by hips and thrust forward and made me scream out loud and stayed there. She told me to take the panties off my face and as I did she started rubbing my cum covered chest with her fingers. I knew what was coming as she stuck her cummy fingers in my throat and repeated this process I could not believe what was happening my ass was stuffed with a cock, my nipples were red raw and I was sucking my own cum off Emily fingers. She told me not to move as she pulled out. She told me that this was only the start of her making me into a superstar slut, she said that while fucking me a lot of ideas came into her devious mind and said soon my life would involve her fucking me, her and paddy fucking me, being turned into a full sissy, she males, gangbangs, and being a party slave to everyone.

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httpdabi · 3 years

Text

Jealousy

Word count: 6,5k

Genre: Smut, romance, no quirk lol

Warnings: 18+, a little bit of choking, a little bit of daddy kink, rough sex, dom!dabi , jealousy kinda, unprotected sex, alcohol

Credit to the owner of the pic!!

✨Friends to lovers fic✨

Throwing your phone across the room, deep breath coming out of your mouth. The fact that he was coming back today made the time pass so slow it was painful. You were glancing at your phone every now and then checking what time it is, knowing he should arrive around 17PM. Rolling down on your old bed, you took a good look of your room.

Pastel pink walls, white bed, small working table in the left corner of the room. Beside your bed were photos taped on the wall. All those photos woke a memory in you. Some of the photos were of you and your friends, but most of them were of you and Dabi.

Dabi.

Your childhood best friend. You will never forget the day you first met him. Shy little Touya not wanting to play with your dolls. I’M A MAN. He screamed back then, throwing the doll away, making you cry loudly. You will never forget how scared he got in the moment you started screaming around, trying to hush you down somehow. He did everything he could hoping his parents won’t hear.

Yours and Touya’s parents were literally best friends, visiting each other almost every day. Having to face him so often, you two almost had no choice then to become friends. At the beginning none of you were impressed by each others company. But how both of you grew up, you were becoming closer and closer. At some point, you two became inseparable.

When Touya started getting piercings, you were so jealous. You wanted to get that Certilage piercing just like him, but your parents were so strict even the thought of it made their hair get up. Of course Touya being Touya, he didn’t give a two shits about their decision. Picking you up one day after school and brining you to his friend that did his piercings too. That night both families were fighting. His parents lecturing him how he is such a bad influence to you, and your parents screaming on you how you’ll never get married with piercing like that. Saying it’s not ladylike.

,, If no one marries her, I will’’ Touya said, making your heart flutter, and everyone else in the room laughed loudly, finding it cute how he was protecting you.

Of course, growing up both of you went different directions in your life. Moving out of your parents place was best thing that happened to you. Having that freedom you never had before, you were appreciating even little things.

Dabi moved out in another city, saying he never wanted to live in his hometown anyway. Of course, there wasn’t a day that he didn’t contact you. But having him so far away made things much harder for you. The only positive thing about him moving to another city was the fact that your huge crush on him would melt down, at least you hoped so.

You were so in love with him. How could you not be ? Having him around so much, such a handsome and good guy, you simply had to develop feelings toward him.

Walking downstairs, you heard Enji laughing loudly at something your father said. You visiting your parents home again, while Todoroki’s were also there, all of you waiting for Dabi to return. It made your heart warm up again, missing moments when all of you were spending time together so often.

Making your way toward kitchen, you opened the fridge looking for something to eat. Not that you were hungry, you were simply bored and something had to kill that boredom.

Taking the milk pudding, you opened it and took one spoon. You tried to multitask somehow, with one hand you were eating the pudding, while with other hand just scrolling your instagram feed.

Suddenly, a head placed on your shoulder, trying to see what you were looking at. Your parents always did that. They had to know why you were always holding that damn phone in your hands.

,, Dad, this is private, I’m not a child anymore’’ you whined, pushing your fathers head away. You hated when he does that, privacy is privacy and it has to be respected.

,, I didn’t know you were into daddy kink’’ a familiar voice whispered, making you flinch in surprise. Turning around you immediately jumped on the person standing behind you. Dabi laughed, placing his hand around your waist hugging you strongly, before he pulled you up in the air.

,, You little piece of shit, I missed you so much’’ you said hugging him back, not paying any attention to your parents in the background.

The rest of the day was all about Touya. How he was, what did he do, does he have a girlfriend and so on. Of course he liked to be the center of the attention, talking about everything. Not that you were complaining, you were sinking in every word that came out of his mouth, admiring him as always.

At the end of the day, your parents made plans that this week all of you should meet and have a super cool bbq like in the old times. Which meant one big ass sleep over, with Todoroki’s. Those nights were always amazing, so much food, so much sweets and of course so much alcohol for grown ups. That was the reason why Rei and Enji slept over after all. All of them would simply get wasted.

Dabi decided he will sleep at your place, since he never saw your new apartment, all of them agreeing, knowing that there’s a lot he probably wanted to tell you.

First both of you went to his old home, placing his suitcase and taking just few stuff to bring over. He didn’t want to waste any time, since his parents were still at your place, and he really wanted to finally see your new apartment.

Placing his bag in his hallway, he immediately went inside your living room, looking around, commenting what doesn’t look good and how he would decorate it much better. He opened the fridge, feeling like home and took one ice cream out of the freezer. Making his way toward your couch.

,, So, where’s that piece of shit called Kai’’ he asked, biting the chocolate on the ice cream. You were confused a bit, since you broke up with Kai long time ago.

,, Didn’t I already tell you? It’s been six months since we broke up’’ you laughed out. How can it be possible that you left your dear Touya uninformed about your love life.

,, Oh, that breaks my heart.’’ He said sarcastically. ,, What happened?’’ he added licking the ice cream.

,, Well, he cheated on me’’ you lied, sitting down beside him. Well, technically he did cheat on you, but the reason behind it was because he found out about your feelings about Dabi. He found out that he was only being used to forget your one sided love. Not that you didn’t like Kai, you did find him attractive, but you couldn’t force yourself to do with him stuff every couple did. Which made him cheat on you, hoping he will make you step further. But at his surprise you did something every normal person would do, broke up with him.

You did feel disappointed that you two had to part your ways like that, but you also understood him and with that you couldn’t force yourself to hate him or be that much hurt.

,, He didn’t deserve you anyway. I have no idea what did you see in him. Dude looks like he fed a whole Village in Africa, no offense ‘’ he said, making you laugh.

,, Anyway, we are invited to Mina’s birthday this Saturday’’ you said placing both of your legs on the table.

,, Aren’t we having a bbq that day?’’ Dabi asked as he placed the stick of his ice cream on the table.

,, Yeah, but we can still go tho. They’ll be really happy to see you again, I told everyone that you are back’’ you said, as he placed his head on your lap. You smiled, knowing how much he loves when you play with his hair.

,, Sure, we can do both. I am glad I’ll see them all again’’ he said making your stomach twist out of jealousy. You knew how much Yua and Akari liked Dabi. Of course you were friends, but the fact that all these two had their eyes on him made your blood boil. Even Mina was into him, until she found a boyfriend recently. They didn’t know that you liked him, but you knew very well that they weren’t happy that you had him by your side all the time.

After telling you about the city and all his experience, you two decided to go to sleep since it was already 2AM. You went to the bathroom to change into your silk pajama, coming back only to find Dabi in your bed wearing only shorts.

,, I really wanna get some tattoos too’’ you said looking the tattoos over his chest and arms, wanting to touch every single one of them.

,, Do it’’ he simply said, placing his arms under his head. You just rolled your eyes on him, he knew very well that you weren’t that brave.

,,You can sleep here, I’ll crash on the couch’’ you said ready to stand up. He was a guest after all, and for him you would sleep on the floor if he asked you to.

,, Of course you’re not’’ he said grabbing your arm and pulling you in the bed beside him. Wrapping his one arm around you.

,, Don’t get all cold with me suddenly’’ he laughed while covering both of you with your covers. Of course, you two slept together in one bed before, it wasn’t something unusual. But knowing how you feel about him, you knew that with every move like this, your feelings will grow back even stronger then they were before.

,, Touya, we aren’t children anymore’’ you said, trying to wiggle out of his grip.

,, That’s exactly what I was thinking about. Might as well do stuff adults do’’ he said jokingly, making you push him even harder. Making sure you are smiling he just held you stronger repeating that he was joking.

Once you realized that he won’t really give up, you just gave in, preparing yourself for one sleepless night with him.

Dabi placed your leg over him, slowly caressing your tight while telling you about some nonsense like he did before until you would fall asleep. Once he thought that you fall asleep, you felt his long arms around you and his lips on your head.

Having him so close to you, he didn’t know what effect he had on you. For him it was just one normal night, while for you it was something you won’t be able to keep out of your mind next upcoming weeks.

The next days it was like before. Dabi was spending more time at your place as he did home. You two would spend time together, playing games, going grocery shopping together, visiting cafes and so on. You even saw Akari in one café, and of course she was all over Dabi. You couldn’t watch it, she was touching his arm so recklessly, and the fact that he wasn’t doing anything about it didn’t’ help either.

Excusing yourself, you said that you felt sick. Dabi wanted to follow you home, but Akari was insisting how he should stay, since they didn’t see each other for such a long time. Not wanting to make any scene, you just told him to stay, not to worry and left them.

On your way home, you felt terrible. It wasn’t anything big, but yet you overacted there and had to leave. But you simply couldn’t watch or hear anything more. You were the one that was supposed to touch him like that. You wanted to touch all those tattoos, and even tho you were his best friend you couldn’t find the courage to do it. Yet, stupid Akari did it without a problem.

Knowing that Dabi will probably just come back to your place, you made your way toward your parents house, not ready to face him somehow. In that moment you wished you didn’t gave him your spare keys. You didn’t want to wait for him and think about what they were doing.

Of course your parents were more then happy to welcome you home. Since you moved out you didn’t sleep at their place that often. But they knew something was wrong, not wanting to bother you, they just let you be.

Once again the night was sleepless for you. Dabi did contact you, asking if you are ok and if he should bring something to you, but once you saw that Akari posted him on her Instagram story, you couldn’t even force yourself to text him back.

You knew that It was so childish of you, he didn’t even know how you feel about him, yet that something small would upset you so much. But your feelings were getting better of you. The whole night you were rolling around in your bed, thinking if he’s home yet, if they are fucking somewhere. You were thinking what would have happened if you just stayed. If you did, he would probably just leave home with you.

Waking up next morning, you wanted to kill yourself. The soreness in your eyes didn’t help either. You saw few messages from Dabi, asking where you are, yada yada. Seeing that it was sent around 4am, you tossed your phone across the bed. Did he stay that long with her ?

You slowly stood up and made your way toward the bathroom, brushing your teeth before leaving home. Your parents were insisting that you should stay, and spend the rest of the day with them. It was Saturday anyway, so you’ll be here later anyway.

But you didn’t want, you had to clean your apartment a bit together with your thoughts. Also it was Minas birthday today, so you had to get ready before you leave for the bbq and her birthday.

Opening the door of your apartment, you saw Dabi’s shoes placed beside yours. Slowly tip toeing, you found him in your bedroom asleep. You slowly closed the door, and started cleaning quietly, making sure not to wake him up.

You wanted to lay down beside him, and simply cuddle yourself close to his body, but because of the thought of the last night, you also wanted to grab his hair and force him out of your apartment.

Of course, once he woke up, you couldn’t be mad at him anymore. You had to act it up, and just ignore what happened, after all how could you explain to him why were you even mad ? Dabi left your place around 16PM, leaving you all alone with your thoughts once again. You whished you could tell him how you felt, you wished he would understand.

When the time came, you wore your light purple spaghetti strap dress. Since the evenings were still kidna cold, you decided to wear your oversized black cardigan that was the same length as your dress. Covering just enough.

After doing your make up and straightening your hair, you placed your small bag over your shoulder and wore your overknee lace up boots before you left. The cardigan was bothering you a bit, since you knew how hot it usually gets when you’re in club, but once the wind brushed your naked tight, you didn’t mind it anymore.

Once you got at your parents place, you helped them with all the preparing. Your mom didn’t let you prepare the food, being scared you’ll ruin your dress. But you still helped with plates and all the alcohol. Placing everything on the table outside.

When they arrived Enji and your dad immediately started with the bbq. Rei and your mom were simply enjoying the evening and sipping on their wine, waiting for their food. While both of you and Dabi were simply on your phones. Once again you were upset, all of them complimented your looks, everyone but him. Piece of shit like he looked any better, whit his simple white shirt and jeans.

Lies.

He looked so beautiful without any effort, the tattoos on his arm totally visible.

You took the wine from the table filling your glass, drinking it fast down. Just the thought of Akari and other girls being all over him was driving you crazy. You had to prepare yourself.

,, Slow down doll, I don’t want to spend the rest of my night holding your hair in the toilet’’ Dabi said taking the now empty glass away from you and laughing a bit.

,,Don’t worry about me, I’m capable of taking care of myself on my own’’ you said taking the glass back and filling it with wine again. Who does he think he is ?

When the meat was done, both of you ate and drank a bit before leaving. Dabi didn’t want to drive since he also had plans to drink. Enji was insisting on giving you a ride, but you two didn’t want to break his fun, after all the club wasn’t that far away.

,,So, who will be there tonight?’’ Dabi asked you, taking the box of cigarettes out of his pocket and lighting one cigarette.

,, Mina of course, Yua, Himari, Ryohei, Hiro, Akari and Kai’’ you said, placing your hands in the pockets of your cardigan.

,, We should make your little Kai jealous, what do you think?’’ He said, placing his arm around your shoulders.

,, Nah, no need’’ you said looking down on the floor.

When you arrived the club was already full of people. Thankfully Mina waited for you two in front of the club, not wanting for you two to waste your time looking for them. You gave her the present that you and Dabi bought few days ago and graduated her. Knowing that Mina is in relationship with Hiro, so the hug she gave Dabi didn’t bother you so much.

Once you got inside, you greeted everyone and ordered your drinks. Of course Akari was giving all of her attention to Dabi, trying to get as close as possible to him.

None of you wanted to wait, so all of you ordered your drinks. You ordered Malibu with cherry juice, you were up for something sweet. Since the sweet drinks kick in much faster and that’s exactly what you needed. Dabi ordered whisky, while Kai, Hiro and Ryohei ordered pure Vodka. Rest of the girls ordered Wine.

,, Hey’’ you heard very familiar voice close to your ear. You turned around sipping on your drink, welcoming Kai with a small smile and nodding your head.

,, How are youu?’’ he asked loud enough for you to hear. Body too close to your own in your opinion.

,, I am good and you?’’ you simply answered finishing your drink, asking yourself why is he starting this random boring chat. Realizing that your friends were eyeing you and your ex down, you smirked to yourself. If they only knew, how little shit you gave about him.

,, Let’s go get another round of drinks’’ you said, and made your way toward the bar, while Kai was following every step you made.

,, You look beautiful tonight’’ Kai pointed after you ordered what everyone was drinking. Well, at least someone appreciates your effort tonight, you thought to yourself.

,, Thank you, you look cool yourself’’ you said already trying your drink, while giving the money with your right hand to the bartender. He didn’t look bad at all, wearing black button up shirt, one part of it tucked in his jeans. His typical black convers shoes. He looked good.

Once you two got back, placing all the drinks on the table, you could feel Dabi’s eyes on you. You weren’t sure if he wanted to tell you something, so you took his Whisky and went to him.

,, What is it ?’’ you asked giving him his drink.

,, Nothing at all’’ he replied eying you down. He was about to say something more, but Akari interrupted him, saying some nonsense. Not wanting to watch them together, you just left them, making your way toward Ryohei, Himari and Kai on the dancefloor.

All of you were dancing. Jumping around and waving your body to the sound of the music. You realized that Kai was trying real hard to get you to himself, but sadly your drinks didn’t hit you that much yet. Still the only person that was on your mind was Dabi. You wanted to look at him, and see what’s he doing, but you were afraid once you turn around you’ll find Akari all over him again, or even worse making out with him. It would definitely ruin your night.

After few more drinks, you finally started getting tipsy. While Mother Mother was playing, you and Himari were jumping around, making your way back toward the table to get your other drink that was already there, you two were screaming at each other ,, My daddy’s got a gun, My daddy’s got a gun, My daddy’s got a gun, you better run’’ moving your body crazily just as the music was.

,, Cheers’’ Himari screamed, once both of you placed a bit salt on your hand. Licking the salt of your hand, both of you drank the tequila fast before sucking the lemon. Making the weird face, both of you laughed preparing another shot.

Making your way back to the others, both of you were going crazy to the beat of the song you loved. With a new drink in your hand, you didn’t think about the consequences. After all the music was just so good, you simply had to drink.

Dancing around, you felt a body pressed against your. Tilting your head to the side, you realized it’s Kai standing behind you, trying to get as much of you as he could. At that moment you didn’t give a fuck anymore, just giving in and dancing with him. You saw Himari and Mina laughing at you, thinking you two will get together.

,, I’ll go smoke one fast, wanna come?’’ Kai asked. You simply shook your head giving him a sign that you'll simply wait and found yourself once again dancing with Himari. You were glad Himari was there, since without her you wouldn’t have much fun as you had now.

,, You are fast’’ you said, feeling Kai’s body behind you again. Slow down by Chase Atlantic started playing, no better song for grinding your body against someone else. Moving your body slowly, you felt his hands holding your hips firmly.

,, Are you sure you aren‘t into daddy kink doll?“raspy and deep voice made you twitch in shock. ,, What’s wrong? Didn’t expect me ?’’ he added, holding your hips stronger, not giving you any chance to move away from him.

You felt like there was no need to answer him, since Mina bought you another drink you were already busy sipping on your drink . After all, all you wanted to do was drink and get wasted in that moment anyway. So you moved your body from the side to the side, enjoying how close his body was to yours.

Realizing that you drank your drink, Dabi took it form your hand and gave it to the bartender that was passing by anyway. Turning you around to face him, he took your arms and placed them around his neck, while his own arms found their way to your waist.

,, Wasn’t the plan to make Kai jealous?’’ he asked. You could feel his hot breath on your ear. Tilting your head a bit to the left, you closed your eyes and gave him a small nod with the biggest grin ever.

The grin was long gone once you felt his hands over your ass, squeezing it tightly. ,, Then why am I at the end the jealous one ?’’ He asked giving you one more squeeze. Drunk like that you forgot about your friends and what might they think.

,, Is this how you treat your daddy?’’ he added, not giving you a chance to even progress the last question he gave you. You were never into daddy kink, but coming from his lips, you were ready to call him daddy as much as he wanted.

,, I want.. drink.. haha’’ you said laughing, hoping he will get you another one, since you weren’t capable to do it on your own anymore.

,, We are going home’’ he said. He was already tipsy on his own, but nowhere drunk as you were. He told everyone that you two are leaving, not giving you much time to greet them. Seeing disappointed look on Akari’s face made your night. IN YOUR FACE YOU BITCH ASS HOE

Dabi helped you wear your cardigan, and placed your bag over your shoulders, before he placed his hand around your waist helping you walk a bit. Well, you could walk, but with his grip around you, it was much easier.

,, I thought you could take care of yourself’’ he said once you two were outside. He placed you on the nearest bench, just to light up his cigarette before he pulled you up once again. You placed your arm around his shoulders, bragging about how you can walk perfectly fine.

,, Stop pissing me off doll, you’re hard to hold’’ he said as his grip was getting stronger.

,,Or what ?’’ You laughed, taking the cigarette from him and placing it between your lips. You don’t smoke usually, but alcohol took over you. Dabi laughed surprised, not used at the sight of you smoking.

,, My little Touya, you weren’t even born when I started smoking’’ you managed to say, while he was just laughing at the nonsense you were telling him.

Dabi didn’t know what he should do first, hold you firmly or pull your dress down, scared it was to high up for everyone else to see what’s under it.

,,Now, behave yourself, we are almost home’’ he said pulling your dress down a little, and throwing the almost done cigarette from your lips on the floor.

At his and your surprise both of your parents were still outside enjoying their time. You threw your arm up in the air ready to greet them, but Dabi stopped you fast enough. It’s not like your parents have anything against you drinking. But he wasn’t in a mood to talk with them about anything tonight. And he knew very well that drunk like that you were more then ready for a chat with them.

,, Already home?’’ Enji screamed once he saw you two. You were ready to brag about how you wanted to party a bit longer, but Dabi once again stopped you, telling them how you didn’t feel good that much.

,,What’s your problem man ?’’ You hissed at the party breaker that was pulling you upstairs to your room. Looking how your parents prepared your room made you grin. There was a mattress beside your bed prepared for Dabi.

,, They really think you’ll sleep down there’’ you grinned.

,, Obviously’’ Dabi said, placing you slowly on your bed.

,, Now, change into your pajama while I’m brushing my teeth’’ he said slowly, making sure you understand every word.

With alcohol in your system, you just lain down to rest a bit, before getting all the power and will you had to change.

Pulling your dress over your head, you started looking for your pajamas. Seeing Dabi’s shirt on the floor, you felt satisfied and just wore it. Standing there in the room, you thought if it’s his shirt he wore today, or just the one he got himself for bed. You would rather sleep naked than in a shirt he just wore in the club. Even the thought of the smell of all the smoke and alcohol made you feel dizzy.

Taking the part of his shirt, you pulled it close enough for you to sniff it making sure it’s not his shirt from clubbing.

,,What are you doing doll? ‘’ You froze. Looking to the side, you saw him leaning on the doorframe while smirk was formed on his lips. Luckily there was enough alcohol in your system to feel embarrassed in that very moment, since the view of you sniffing his shirt was weird as fuck.

,, Can’t get enough of me ?’’ he added getting closer to you. ,, You have to wear some shorts, or I’ll really be forced sleep on the mattress tonight’’ he added looking you up and down, while you just stood there speechless.

,, Come here, let’s take off your make up’’ he said, placing his hand on your back, leading the way to the bathroom.

Once you were in the bathroom, Dabi pulled you up, making you sit on the washing machine. Slowly helping you wash your teeth. Swinging your legs playfully, Dabi almost poured the water he prepared for you on the floor. Placing the glass to the side, he took your legs and wrapped them around his waist. Even tho you weren’t sober, you could completely understand the position you were in. Taking the wet wipes he started cleaning your make up carefully. You just closed your eyes enjoying his touch on your face, while he was giving his best to do it gentle as possible.

Sudden feel of a skin brushing over your nose made you open your eyes. Seeing his face not even inches from yours, made you froze. His nose brushing against your own, before you felt his soft lips against your own.

,, You are driving me crazy’’ he said, placing his forehead against yours. Not thinking twice you placed your hands on his cheeks and pulled him in for another kiss. At first you knew that he was surprised since he just stood there, but after a short second you felt him smile into the kiss, leaning in and wanting more.

With his hands under your, or better to say his own shirt, he was moving them up and down slowly. The touch of his hands rubbing your naked skin softly made you want more of him. Pulling him closer with your legs, you placed your hands on his chest , wanting to feel everything you could.

Pulling your head back breaking the kiss, you attacked his neck, leaving wet kisses all over it. Touya pulled your body up, placing his hands on your ass, making his way toward your room. Making small breaks while pushing your body against the wall trying to kissing you like his life depended on it.

Once he placed you on the bad, he didn’t waste any time, hovering over you and kissing your neck. Wanting everyone to know to who you belong to. He wanted to make sure the next time you see Kai, he will know that Dabi is the one that’s dicking you down.

,, I know you couldn’t stand the sight of me and Akari, but grinding on Kai like a little whore, making me all jealous was really unnecessary’’ he gasped between kisses. Pulling the shirt over your head he threw it over the room, leaving you only in your panties. ,, especially in that little dress of yours” he added, as he looked over your half naked body.

,, Fuck you, what did you expect of me, I was mad’’ you moaned out once you felt his lips on your breast, sucking and biting it.

,, Well.. guess what’’ he said, still sucking your boob, while squeezing the other one.

,,What?’’ you breathed out, eyes closed while enjoying his lips on your body.

,, Daddy will punish his little naughty girl’’ he said, once again leaving wet love marks all over your chest.

,,Touya, I’m really not into daddy kink’’ you said, your hands deep inside his hair.

,, But I am’’ he said, his head in front of your, making eye contact with you. ,, And tonight I want everyone to know who your real daddy is. I want everyone to know who you belong to’’ he said, wrapping his hand around your throat. ,, Do you understand me ?’’ he added.

,,Yes’’ you whispered, not breakig the eye contact.

,,Yes what?’’ he asked as his hand started to apply pressure to your throat. Not being used to choking, you couldn’t really manage to give him the right answer. It wasn’t the kind of choking where you felt like passing out because of the lack of oxygen, but you were still new to it.

,,Yes daddy’’ you managed to say somehow. Satisfied with your answer, Dabi moved his hand away from your throat, leaving small kisses over the same spot where his hand left small marks.

,, Such a good girl’’ he said, pulling your panties down. Licking his lips, as you were exposed to him. The fact that you were so valuable to him, and knowing how much power he had over you was turning Touya even more on.

Not wasting any time, he spread your thighs further apart, his head leaning down to run his tongue through your folds. Feeling his tongue piercing on your clit, something you always wanted to feel, made you throw you head back into the pillow, while grabbing Dabi’s head pulling him closer to yourself.

Licking you around your opening, the warm and hot feeling of his tongue, mixed with cold feeling of his piercing was making you shiver. You could feel him smirk against your core as he saw how much effect he has on you. You moan as his lips and tongue move against your folds, eating you out like it’s his last meal.

,,Touya please’’ you moan out, as he sucks roughly on your bundle of nerves, causing your body to jolt up, as your fingers grab his messy hair.

Flicking his tongue roughly and tugging your clit, his hands were holding your thighs firmly, as his light blue eyes were focused on you. It doesn’t take him long to make you cum all over his mouth, his name falling from your lips shamelessly. Climbing over you, he kissed you passionately, making you taste yourself on his lips.

Pulling away from the kiss, you started kissing his tattoos, something you wanted to do long time ago. Especially since he came back. Dabi breathed heavily, his head hanging low, while you were under him kissing every little line that covered his body.

He gave you the time you needed, exploring his body as much as you wanted. But once he felt your small hands pulling down his shorts together with his boxers, and licking the tip of his already erected dick, he had to stop you. At your surprise, even his dick was pierced.

,, Another time doll’’ he said, pulling you up. ,, I’ve been dying to fuck you since forever’’ he added, slowly rubbing the tip of his dick around your core. Without any warning his slammed his whole length inside making your scream both in pleasure and pain. Wiggling a little, trying to move just a bit away from him, hoping the pain will go away. But Touya couldn’t let that happened, now when he finally had his dick deep inside you.

,,Just relax baby’’ he said not moving, letting you adjust to his size. Placing soft kisses all over your jaw, then slowly moving out of you, only for him to slide back in, so slow that you could feel every vain of his dick move, together with his piercing rubbing your walls.

Dabi was moving so slow, grinding his hips against yours, as his fingers were rubbing your clit gently. Sliding out of you only until the edge of his head remains, before moving slowly again in, repeating the same move all over again. Only God knew how much he wanted to break you.

,, Touya’’ you moan out once he wraps his fingers with yours, placing your left arm above your head, while his right fingers were still rubbing your clit in circles. Your legs shake as you wrap them around him, another orgasm hitting you hard.

Dabi moans with you, as you squeeze his dick while riding of your orgasm. With you having your second orgasm, he couldn’t hold himself any longer. Your warm walls around him coated in juices were driving him crazy. All the soft and slow moves were forgotten, making his motions now much deeper and intense. Pulling out till the end and slamming recklessly into you again. Groaning in pleasure, he was slamming into you with a speed you could only imagine.

,, Touya, slow down’’ you moaned, closing your eyes, still sensitive from your second orgasm. ,, I don’t think I can take it’’ you added, trying to catch your breath.

,,Of course you can take it. Look at you, you’re taking it right now doll’’ he groaned, holding your hips in one place while fucking you hard like no one ever has before. You were a moaning mess, with every move your moans were louder.

,, Oh God, Touya’’ you moaned, fingers still connected to his. Grabbing his back with your left hand and digging your fingers inside his skin.

,, You’re takng it so well love’’ he said, groaning as he felt the pressure of your nails digging into his back. ,, Go ahead, scratch my back as much as you want’’ he added kissing you sloppily.

Once he started rubbing your clit again, you found yourself digging your nails into his back like a wild cat, finding comfort in it. ,, Touya’’ you moaned his name out as both of you were coming closer to your highs. You could feel his dick twitching inside of you, his moves becoming more deeper and jankier. His eyes were shut, while your body started shaking once again. Once again you felt your orgasm pulsing through your stomach, and there you were again squeezing his dick not being able to control yourself as you moaned his name over and over again. Dabi continued fucking you , his groans getting louder and louder, feeling your walls getting tighter and tighter while you were milking his dick down, he released. Emptying his seeds deep into you.

Both of you stayed in the same position, trying to breath normally. His thumb gently rubbing your hand, as he placed kisses all over your bruised neck.

,, You have no idea how much I wanted to be with you’’ he said between the kisses. ,,I’m so in love with you doll’’ he breathed out, making you feel butterfly’s inside your stomach.

,, Are you?’’ you asked, tilting your head just enough to look at him.

,, Don’t act like you didn’t know already’’ he said smiling, while brushing his nose against your cheek. Of course you didn’t know.

,,Fuck you, I was dying here for you, thinking my love is just one sided’’ you said hitting his chest lightly. ,, I even dated Kai hoping I’ll forget you somehow’’ you added hitting him once again, making him laugh a bit.

,, Don’t mention his name. That’s the past. You belong to me now, only me’’ he said, grabbing your jaw and kissing you. You were always his anyway.

,, All yours, Touya’’ you said, kissing him back-

,, Are you kids awake ? ´´ Enji’s head peeked inside your room, finding his eldest son naked on top of his best friends daughter. Making him choke on the air and forgetting the actual reason he was looking for you two.

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erodasfishtacos · 3 years

Note

harry adores yn with his entire being and i can tell that she loves him just as much but the poor thing is just so scared, and by what you have showed us she has a fair reason to have struggles

Through Hell and Back

warnings: cheating, mentions of domestic violence, this could just be overall triggering if you have experienced trauma or family struggles.

this is a very important blurb to understand dynamic and history of the characters.

PLEASE let me know your thoughts.

—

Harry’s out at a bachelor party for his friend, Jack, at a noisy bar downtown where there is a mechanical bull and half-naked waitresses.

His phone rings at two-thirty in the morning, he already knows who it is and why she’s calling him so late.

He steps outside the noisy bar, “Hi puppy, y’alright?”

Harry already knew she wasn’t.

Her voice is shaky, “Er, are you still out at the bachelor party?”

If he says yes, she’ll just try to say have fun and was just calling to check in - a lie because she felt like such an inconvenience at all times.

“No, just got home,” He lied smoothly, he could hear her trying to hide a sniffle - she must have had a bad dream.

Every since she started trauma therapy, they’d been getting worse, as she worked through her struggles with a therapist.

—

“I-I don’t want to g-go in,” YN whimpers as she sits in Harry’s passenger side outside the clinic, “I can’t talk about it.”

“Baby, you need to do this. You need to talk to someone who’s trained to help you, okay? You promised you’d try it f’me,” He hums, rubbing a thumb over her wet cheekbone.

She shakes her head stubbornly, “It’s all going to come back.”

“Yes, it will. Because you didn’t work through it, you repressed it. There is a difference, okay?” Harry’s heart feels like it’s being ripped in two as YN looks like a caged animal.

YN squeezes Harry’s hand so hard it hurts but he doesn’t mind, he can feel her fear being shared through the rough touch.

She wipes her eyes with the sleeve of her sweater, “Please, H. I don’t want to remember.”

He sighs softly, “I would never force you to do something you don’t want to do. If you really want to leave, we can.”

YN searches his eyes, sees his sadness and she knows she has to push through because she loves him so much, “Will you walk me in?”

“Of course, s’fucking proud of you. My strong girl,” Harry praises, kissing the top of her head, and shutting off the car.

He walks her in, watches her as she hesitantly goes back in with her new therapist, and sits in the waiting room for the hour and a half until she comes out.

He does that every week without miss.

Drives her, walks her in, sits in the waiting room, and then drives her home.

She doesn’t usually talk much after the sessions, her eyes swollen and puffy which is a telltale sign she cried during the appointment.

Harry holds her hand on the ride home, sometimes draws her a bath or tucks her in for a nap under his covers.

One day, after therapy, they crawled into his bed together. She hadn’t said one word since she walked out of the office but she looks tiredly at Harry.

“Why?”

Harry frowns, “Why what?”

She hides her face into the fluffy pillow, words mumbled, “Why do you want me? I’m so broken.”

“Hey,” Harry responds loudly, pulling her up and giving her a serious look, “You are not broken. Even if you were, I’d love every broken piece, okay? I want you because I’m so in love with you it doesn’t make sense.”

YN shakes her head, “I don’t deserve you. You-you have to drive me to therapy every week, leave work early, have to make it up the next day.”

And well, his heart breaks a little because she truly believes that.

Harry grips her jaw, gently, “If you need to go to therapy for the rest of your life, I’ll drive you until I’m ninety. I’ll drive you five days a week if you need it.”

He continues,“I don’t deserve you, sweet girl. Strongest, bravest, most resilient person I’ve ever met. You are my soulmate and I believe that wholeheartedly.”

“I want to nap now,” She whispers, crawling back into her shell where she’s safe from the world, from facing her fears.

Harry just stares at her, the girl he’s had a crush on since fourth grade, the girl he’d been in love with since ninth.

When she felt broken, well so did he.

—

“Mum, I want to do more for her,” Harry cries to his mother one night at dinner after school.

“I know you do, Harry. There is only so much you can do. She has parents tha-“

“Those aren’t parents, mum! You know that!” He shouts angrily, “I need to do more for her. Help her!”

Anne looks at him with a soft, understanding expression, “You’re doing all you can, Harry.”

—

He was still doing all he can.

“I wa-was wondering if you wanted to come over and watch a movie?” YN acts casual despite the tremor but he won’t call her on it - on the phone at least.

“I’d love to pup, I’ll be over on a tick,” already walking away from the busy bar.

Harry can hear the relief in her voice when she says, “Okay, I’ll see you soon.”

When he uses his key to open the door, she sat on her couch with all the lights in the house on, not one off.

“Oh, pet,” Harry murmurs, all the blinds were drawn shut and he knew she’d already triple checked that the windows were locked - despite the state of the art security system he had installed for her.

“Um, so are we feeling a scary movie or romcom?” She ignores his words, picking up the remote, and pulling up Netflix.

He flicks a couple of the bright lights off until it’s normal dim and he sits next to her on the couch, taking the remote and turning off the television.

“Talk t’me,” Harry coaxes, unraveling her from the heavy weighted blanket, and tugging her into his chest.

“M’fine,” YN lies on a choked whimper.

“Y’safe, you know I’d never let anythin’ happen to you . Please puppy, tell me,” He’s not to manly to beg for her to open up.

He allows her to nuzzle her face into his neck, “He cam-came back an-and he -,” her voice drops, “broke in here and I wo-woke up as he was opening my door.”

Harry holds her for a very long time that night.

With Harry and her therapist’s constant encouragement she’d been able to be more open and up front with Harry - which made him feel unexaplainably proud of her.

Anna almost fucked everything up, all the hard work without even realizing it.

It was nearly three in the morning this time.

Harry was stuck at Anna’s house with her and her friends for a movie night.

He’d gotten up to go to the bathroom when his phone rings.

Anna sees who it is and picks it up, “What do you want? Harry’s busy and doesn’t have time for you right now. You know it’s not all about you, right?”

Then she hangs up, all of her and her friends giggling at how she just treated YN.

Harry is unaware of the call for a few minutes when he gets back until he gets a text from YN.

I’m sorry I bothered you. I am okay. Have fun tonight x

He scrolls through his phone in confusion until he sees the call, he glares over at Anna, “Did you answer my phone?”

She has a cocky look on her face, “Yeah, I told YN that the world doesn’t revolve around her and to leave us alone.”

All the friends are giggling - but that comes to an abrupt halt when Harry stands up, knocking over the little table of drinks with his anger, “Where the fuck did you get the idea that you could touch my phone, let alone answer it?”

All of them are quiet.

He scoffs, “Now all you annoying prats are going shut up? Get the fuck out of my way,” he orders to Anna who’s pouting.

“C’mon, it was a joke. Don’t leave,” She whines, grabbing at Harry’s arm which he instantly rips out of her grip.

“Don’t touch me. I can’t fuckin’ stand you,” He tells her honestly before storming out of her house without a look back at her teary face.

When he arrives at YN’s house, a book is automatically been hurled at the front door when he opens it, then another.

“Hey, puppy, stop tha’. S’just me, you’re okay. S’just me,” He coos, rearming the security system to make her feel better.

She is only in one of his shirts with the company logo on it and soft cotton boy shorts, hair frizzy atop her head.

“Y’have another nightmare?” Harry asks softly, all the lights were on again, every single one.

YN clenches her jaw, “No.”

He hardens his expression too, “I was in the bathroom when she answered that call. As soon as I found out, I came over here. Don’t be sour with me.”

“I didn’t have a nightmare.”

“I know y’bloody lying because your legs are still tremblin’. Now cut the bullshit and talk t’me, we’re not going backwards,” Harry tells her seriously, with all firmness he can muster.

“I love you.”

It takes him aback. YN told him how much she adored him but it was something that didn’t come easy for her.

To hear it flat out, well….he nearly almost melted on the floor into a pile of goop.

“I love you too, puppy.”

She takes a deep breathe, “It’s been that same nightmare, but it’s not really a nightmare? It’s a flashback to…”

YN swallows before she continues, “Remember when….when I ran from my parent’s house to yours and my dad came and found me…”

Harry doesn’t want to remember but he does.

—-

“Harry, he-he just pulled up,” YN cries, peeking out his window, “I don’t want to go home.”

“Harry, he’s screaming at your mum. I have to go.”

“Harry, I have to go before he does something stupid. I’ll be okay, I promise.”

“Harry, don’t cry. I’ll be fine, he’s just really upset. I’ll just deal with it and it will be over before we know it, okay?”

——

“I remember,” He wavers like he normally doesn’t, feeling like a helpless sixteen year old again.

It was moments like this were no matter how hard he wanted to be angry or scream at her for making their relationship so difficult, that he couldn’t be.

How could he blame her for her commitment issues?

Why she struggles to trust?

Why she never feels good enough?

“I’m sorry to bring that up-“

“Do not apologize,” Harry interrupts, “I want to know everything you experience or feel no matter how traumatic or upsetting.”

YN despite her own struggles, when she heard Harry say things like that…well she knew full heartedly that he loves her with no conditions.

She knew this was so hard on him, “I am so in love with you, H.”

His eyes automatically soften and he reacts like he’s being praised. His face lights up without him even knowing it does.

“I’ve been in love with you since I was sixteen, thank you for being my person. I appreciate everything you do for me.”

It was something she had been also working on in therapy, expressing gratitude- specifically to Harry.

And it works because Harry actually starts tearing up, eyes watering with emotion, “I love you. I’d walk through hell and back for you.”

He would and he has.

#harry styles #harry styles writing #update #harry styles masterlist #harry styles fic rec #harry styles x reader #harry styles x you #harry styles fluff #harry styles x y/n #Harry styles angst #cheating!harry blurb #cheating!harry #cheating!harry masterlist

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qqueenofhades · 3 years

Text

20+ Books That You (Might Actually Want) To Read During Pride Month!

Right, so. I got annoyed after seeing the list referenced in this post last night, told myself that my books are all packed up so I couldn’t do anything about it, and lasted all of a whopping 10 minutes before picking up my phone and attempting to make my own list instead. Behold, my from-memory attempt to present 20 books with strong LGBTQ plots, characters, and/or authors, that DON’T just rely on Suffering and Identity Politics and are... you know... fun.

Listed in alphabetical order by title. Links take you to Bookshop.org, where you can buy them from your local independent bookstore at a discount and NOT from the evil empire.

1. A Master of Djinn – P. Djeli Clark * author of color * steampunk Cairo in 1912 * djinn! magic! murder mystery! * butch Arab lesbian main character * devout hijabi Muslim badass assistant * anticolonial alternate history

2. An Accident of Stars – Foz Meadows (Sequel: A Tyranny of Queens) * trans author * bi, pan, trans, aro representation * racially diverse characters * all female POV characters * high-fantasy world adventures

3. Boyfriend Material – Alexis Hall * queer author * look I love this book SO MUCH and have absolutely screamed about it before but also I LOVE IT SO MUCH * contemporary M/M fake dating in modern London, complete with full cast of disaster found-family queer friends * it is. fucking. HILARIOUS. I almost died the first time reading it * there is a sequel called HUSBAND MATERIAL scheduled to be released in 2022; I am a normal amount of excited for this book

4. Gideon the Ninth – Tamsyn Muir (Sequel: Harrow the Ninth) * the book cover says “Lesbian necromancers explore a haunted palace in space!” * that is exactly what you get * slow-burn enemies-to-lovers F/F main romance * I cannot describe this book, it is dark, genre-bendy, science fiction-y, Hunger-Games-with-lesbian-necromancers-in space? Kinda? I have literally never read anything like it * also fucking HILARIOUS

5. One Last Stop – Casey McQuiston * queer author (who wrote Red White and Royal Blue) * bisexual fat girl from the South/lesbian-daughter-of-Chinese immigrants from the 1970s-riot-grrl main romance * time traveling mystery involving the Q train in Brooklyn (mentions Brighton Beach ahem) * magical realism * many more found-family chaotic queers including a trans Latino psychic and a Black accountant by day/drag queen by night and the mean little gay disaster who has a hopeless crush on them

6. Parasol Protectorate (series) – Gail Carriger * this is one of my favorite series, and there are five books: Soulless, Changeless, Blameless, Heartless, and Timeless * steampunk vampires/werewolves late Victorian London, like Jane Austen crossed with P.G. Wodehouse (they are all fucking hilarious) * pretty much everyone is queer; we got your flamboyantly camp gay vampires (Lord Akeldama ftw!) We got your gay werewolves! We got your lesbian French inventors! We got your big disaster idiot werewolf main male love interest! We got your crazy adventures! You name it we got it! * two spin-off novellas: Romancing the Werewolf (M/M) and Romancing the Inventor (F/F) * she has a ton more books in this same universe and writes sexy queer supernatural romance as G.L. Carriger

7. Plain Bad Heroines – Emily M. Danforth * queer author * historical horror-comedy set between a haunted girls’ school in early-1900s New England and in the modern day * all sapphic female main characters * plays with style/form/voice, a story within a story within a story

8. Red White and Royal Blue – Casey McQuiston * you’ve probably heard of it but here I am reccing it again * the biracial son of the first female POTUS falls in love with the Prince of England; shenanigans absolutely ensue * yes, the British monarchy still absolutely sucks a big fat dick * hilarious, heartfelt, reads like fanfic, just go get it, it will change your life

9. Rosaline Palmer Takes The Cake – Alexis Hall * same author as Boyfriend Material, this is his newest * bisexual female protagonist * absolutely perfect satire of The Great British Bake Off (you can tell this man has watched EVERY SINGLE SERIES and all of the holiday specials) * sweet and surprisingly thoughtful

10. Starless – Jacqueline Carey * genderqueer/transmasculine main character of color * almost all main characters are brown people! * lush Middle Eastern/India-inspired fantasy world * gods, prophecies, monsters * the best Oh God Why Me I Am A Horrible Mentor wise-old-mentor

11. The Future of Another Timeline – Annalee Newitz * nonbinary (they/them) author * time travel but make it The Handmaid’s Tale * will probably make your head explode * feminist, queer, subversive * diverse characters

12. The Gentleman's Guide to Vice and Virtue – Mackenzi Lee * queer author * technically YA but historical/magical adventure set in the 1700s * bisexual disaster main protagonist and love interest of color * (mis)adventures across Europe * has a sequel (see below) with the badass asexual sister of the protagonist

13. The Hate Project – Kris Ripper * nonbinary/genderqueer author * M/M enemies to lovers/sex with no strings attached (spoiler alert: strings attached) * HECKING HILARIOUS * sweet, escapist, and very low stakes * diverse characters, including fat protagonist with realistic anxiety disorder

14. The Lady's Guide to Petticoats and Piracy – Mackenzi Lee * PIRATES, obviously * sequel to Gentleman’s Guide * asexual female protagonist * strong queerplatonic f/f friendship * more historical/magical 18th century adventures

15. The Last Rune (series) – Mark Anthony * Imma be real with you chief, I haven’t read this series since I was a clueless teenager with no idea why I liked Gay Stuff so much, so if it does turn out to suck now, don’t throw rotten veggies at me * but especially since it was written in the NINETIES, this series was hella progressive?! * gay characters, disabled characters, characters of color, all playing significant and heroic roles in six-book epic fantasy cycle * people from Earth end up in high-fantasy world of Eldh * endgame M/M romance for the main character * books out of print, I think, but you can find them cheap somewhere like AbeBooks; first one (Beyond the Pale) linked above

16. The Library of the Unwritten – A.J. Hackwith * queer author * heaven-hell-Valhalla supernatural adventures * The Good Place x Good Omens x Lucifer x The Librarians * Pansexual Black badass female heroine * Queer found families * The Sassiest TM Bisexual Villain Turned Reluctant Hero (is he my favorite? Why on earth would you think that.)

17. The Priory of the Orange Tree – Samantha Shannon * epic doorstopper science fiction/historical fantasy set in a vaguely 16th-century world * main F/F romance between a queen and her sorceress bodyguard * sassy old gay alchemist whose backstory will give you Feelings * so many strong women and characters of color * no homophobia! marriage is fully gender-neutral, spouses are called “companions”

18. The Song of Achilles – Madeline Miller * likewise one you have probably heard of but still * a little light on the myth/historical part imho, but the writing is beautiful and will give you many feelings * M/M romance between Achilles and Patroclus * reimagining of The Iliad (her other book Circe is also really good)

19 The Stars are Legion – Kameron Hurley * all-female apocalyptic space opera * messy messy antiheroines * grimdark war fantasy * queer sci-fi drama

20. Witchmark – C.L. Polk * author of color * M/M romance * main character is a veteran and a doctor dealing with his own hidden magic and repressed war trauma * gaslamp fantasy set in a world reminiscent of post-WWI England * strong sibling relationship

#book recs #book recommendations #bookblr #happy pride #pride month #lgbtqia #long post

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jeonggukookies · 3 years

Text

too young || six

summary: you and jungkook meet up after a surprise delivery happens at the school

word count: 2,018

genre: parent!au, single dad!jungkook angst

one || two || three || four || five || six

When you thought about your first heartbreak, you’d thought you would be nonstop sobbing in your bed, being surrounded by empty jars of melted ice cream pints and sad movies. You thought that despite the distance, your mom would make the trip and drive all the way to see you, rub your back in small comforting circles and take care of you as if you were a sick child. You thought that everything would hurt so much that you wouldn’t even want to move.

The only problem? Your first heartbreak didn’t feel like that at all.

It was all practically numb.

You didn’t fall apart when you did something that reminded you of him.

You didn’t start breaking down when you watched him pick up Jules and didn’t bother to come in to your office to say hi to you.

You didn’t crumble to pieces when you had no notifications on your phone from him.

You lived your life normally again just without Jungkook and Jules.

Alone.

There were no more screams or echoes of noise from Jules and her cousins when you peacefully relaxed, there was no more idle music playing in background as you did your work and there were no more soft breaths and snores next to you in your bed.

Your mom called you every night on the phone, checking up on you. It was like she wanted you to cry and to feel some pain, just so she could go down there and be there for you. But you told her that you were fine and will deal with whatever negative feelings when they come.

Life went on whether you liked it or not.

Three weeks after the break up, at the end of March, there was a familiar knock on your office door after the last school bell rang. You haven’t talked to Jules since the night she found you looking at pictures of her mom, and you really hope it wasn’t awkward when you talk to her.

It’s the first time you see Jules’s hair was down, strands of her hair going in every direction. She looks like a mess. Tears streamed down her face as she ran towards you, hugging your legs. “Can you help me?”

“What’s wrong, Sweetie?”

“I lost Jungkook’s mp3 player,” she cried, rubbing her face on your black dress pants to wipe her tears. “He’s going to kill me!”

“It’s okay, Jules.” Bending down to comfort her, you wipe her face and stroke her hair. You’ve never seen her this sad, and it made your heart sink. “I’m sure he’ll understand. Things like this happen all the time. It’s okay.”

She shook her head. “Auntie Moon Soo is coming soon, and I can’t leave without the mp3 player. I can’t.”

“Why don’t we ask her to come look for it with you?” You asked softly. “That way 3 people are looking for it.”

Namjoon’s wife, Moon Soo comes out of her van, she’s surprised to see you standing next to Jules. She doesn’t say anything to you at first and tries to reassure Jules that’ll be alright, that they will find it before Jungkook goes home tonight.

When it’s been over 30 minutes, retracing Jule’s steps from her locker to the gym to the playground, she goes to the bathroom, making you and Moon Soo wait outside for her.

“I’m sorry we had to meet like this in this circumstance,” she said, offering a kind smile. “I heard a lot of great things about you, and I’m sorry things didn’t go well at the dinner with the girls.”

You hear Jules flush the toilet. “It is what it is.”

“I know what it was like,” she said. “They made it seem like I wasn’t good enough for Joon, and we took a small break too. But at the end of the day, it’s about how you feel about Jungkook and Jules that matters more than their opinions, especially if they brought up Sarah.”

“I’m almost done!” Jules shouted, turning on the sink.

“But that doesn’t change the way Jungkook feels about Sarah.” Tears were forming in your eyes, and you bit your lip to hold them back. “But I’m glad you and Namjoon were able to overcome it.”

“It’s been like what, almost a month? Jules knows Jungkook can easily buy her a new mp3 player, or even a phone, anything she wants, honestly. But think about it...I’m sure she misses you and is using this as an opportunity to spend time with you again.”

“Can we check out my classroom?” Jules finally opened the door, getting out of the restroom.

The three of you walk quietly over to her class where she looked through every desk (without touching their things) and looked over to the place where she reads books in the class. She lifted the bean bag in the corner of the room, revealing what she has been looking for this whole time. “Yay!”

“See, everything is okay.” Moon soo smiled. “Are you ready to go, Jules?”

She nodded, but then stared at you with her piercing eyes. “Is this going to be the last time you’re going to talk to me?”

“Of course not, Jules.” You took a breath. “I’m here for you always.”

“I have to tell you something.” But before she could tell you, she pointed at Moon Soo. “Why didn’t you go to the bathroom when we went, Auntie?”

Moon Soo raised her eyebrows, then looked down at what Jules was pointing at. She then began holding on to her stomach with a pained look. “My water just broke.”

_______

“Hey!” Namjoon exclaimed, rushing through the hospital doors. Before he goes to Moon Soo’s room, he went towards your direction as you waited outside the room with Jules. “Thank you so much for bringing her here safely and for being there for her at that time. I seriously cannot thank you enough.”

“No worries,” you let out. “I’m glad I was there.”

He’s about to say something, but you hear Moon Soo scream Namjoon’s name, making him go into the room as quickly as he can.

Your phone in your blazer buzzed.

[seokjin]

the whole fam is coming in about 10 minutes

thank you for taking care of jules

will be there soon and you can leave

“Are you leaving when they come?” Jules asked as she looked down at your phone screen, seeing the texts from. “You’re not going to stay to see the babies?”

“I don’t know yet.” You lied, knowing you were going to leave once someone is here able to take care and watch over Jules. As much as you wanted to see the twins, you didn’t want to see some specific people. You were doing fine right now in your life and didn’t want to ruin that if you saw Jungkook or some of the girls. “I have a lot of work to do still, Sweetheart.”

“Will you see the babies with me on different day then?”

“I hope so.” You couldn’t make an empty promise to her. “Are you excited to have more cousins?”

She nodded. “I like my small family, but sometimes, I hate being alone. The cousins help me forget that I can’t have any brothers or sisters.”

You sighed, wrapping your arm around Jules. “Never forget that you will always have your family, your uncles, aunts and cousins to support you. They will always be there.”

“Will you?” She asked, looking up at you, once again, her eyes were so piercing.

“I hope so.” You rubbed her back in small circles.

“I heard what Auntie said when I was in the bathroom,” she said. “I missed you, but I had to find this mp3 player. Jungkook’s new song is on here. I’m always the first to listen, and I didn’t want to lose this song.”

“That’s good you found it then.”

She’s about to tell you more, her mouth is slightly opened, but she doesn’t say anything more and started to stare in the direction behind you. Letting go of her, you turned behind, seeing Jungkook walking towards you two.

He paused, not expecting to see you here, but then continued to walk forward as you looked away, not wanting to meet his eyes. “Are you okay?”

“I’m hungry,” Jules answered with a pouty look on her face.

He laughed, taking his leather wallet out of his back pocket. He hands her a couple dollar bills, telling her to get something for the three of them from the vending machine. “Go crazy.”

“You know I will,” she joked.

There’s awkward silence in the air now, with Jules gone. Jungkook then sat down in the empty chair beside you, with his head turned to you as you looked down at your hands in your lap. He doesn’t know where to start and what words to say. How ironic, coming from a songwriter. “Hey.”

“Hi.”

“Did you eat yet?” He asked.

“Nope,” you replied, still not looking at him. “Did you?”

“Not yet.”

“I should get going.” You finally took the first step, grabbing your purse off the ground.

Before you could take another step, Jungkook reached forward and grabbed your wrist, stopping your movement. “I never loved her, you know.”

You wanted to shake him off, go on your own way, but you kept standing in front of him, facing away from him. “What?”

He sighed, wishing he could look you in the eyes. “I never answered you that day because I was too scared to admit it out loud. I never got to tell her either, and I knew she loved me. The thing was I only thought of her as a sister, someone I had to protect. And I was afraid that if I actually told someone that I didn’t love her before she got the chance to hear it from me, I would somehow hurt her even though she’s gone.”

“Jungkook,” You said this name, but he kept talking.

“I know that’s no excuse, but I am so sorry. I never wanted you to feel like that, and I should have just told you. No one has been competing with you.” He let go of your hand and stood up. “I don’t want you to be Sarah because I love you for who you are. I want you for who you are. My life feels incomplete without you.”

Finally turning around, you stared at Jungkook. It’s the first time finally looking at him up close in three weeks, and he looked like death. Dark circles were under his eyes, his hair was a mess. You could tell Jungkook felt too much.

And he did. For the last three weeks, he got up every morning, trying to ignore the pain he was feeling in his heart. He tried to continue his life like everything was okay, but all he kept thinking about was you. He wanted you to see you when he picked Jules up from school. He wanted to hear you laugh when he watched a movie with Jules. He wanted to you next to him when he was alone on Wednesdays. He wanted to hear you cheer for Jules when he watched her soccer games. He just wanted you.

With all the pain he had been feeling, he’s been trying to figure out his feelings and all the words he wanted to say to you that night, and now that he was finally letting all of it go, he was crying right in front of you.

“You saw me more than Jule’s guardian. I felt like you were the first person to honestly see me for me. I want to live spending more time with you, watching Jules’s games, hearing all your different opinions and views than mine. And I am so sorry that I damaged us in the process.”

“Hey, Y/N!” Namjoon rushed out of the room. His jaw dropped once he saw you and Jungkook together, looking all sad. Still, his smile on his face reappeared as he asked, “Do you guys want to see the babies?”

____

hi this is so long overdue i apologize, i’ve honestly been stuck :( hope you all have a good day and enjoy permission to dance<33 lowkey not proofread either:/

#bangtanwriters-net #jeon jungkook #bts scenarioos #jungkook scenarios #jungkook imagine #jungkook fluff #jeon jungkook scenarios #bts fanfic #jungkook fanfic #too young

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