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celestial-quill-n-ink · 8 months

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What They Think Of You (Season 1): 💳Mammon💳

✦ I'd say we're all keenly aware of how annoyed Mammon was at having to babysit the Human Exchange Student. Lucifer is always pushing the menial work off to him, as if he's the only one with more important things to do!

✦ Well, at least you were being compliant and causing little inconvenience to him so far, but really, a whole year of this? Yeah, he was going to drop you as soon as he found the chance to…

✦ …And then you made a pact with him.

✦ Not one of his proudest moments, he will admit, but now he'll have to pay more attention to you, or else he'll just have another person yanking on his chain and telling him what to do! At least, that's what he wants everyone else to believe.

✦ Because admittedly, he was very curious about you. In most social situations you were anxious yet agreeable, but in the moments where you were alone with him, you'd quickly gain the confidence to tease and joke around with him.

✦ And so the first time he sees you genuinely smile and laugh, he already knows that he's a goner. His greed never lies, after all.

✦ And the TSL Showdown sealed the deal for him. He didn't want to see you hurt, because he was the one supposed to protect you, and no one else. You were his problem to take care of, and he was gonna make damn sure that everyone else knew that, including you.

✦ And somehow, despite his foolproof logic, you had seemed so surprised by his confession...

✦ He was willing to accept all the jabs, all the jokes, all the insults if it meant that you would start to rely on him the same way he was starting to rely on you.

✦ He didn't realise it at the time, but he really just needed someone who would accept him for who he was without the constant attacks on his character: A fresh pair of eyes that were able to see him for more than his outward bravado and scummy acts.

✦ You were kind to him, you defended him, and you really seemed to be fond of him.

✦ And his brothers would question why you would defend him so frequently, how you shouldn't feed into his ego when he was so clearly in the wrong, but you would always reason your way out of things. He really started to admire your steadfast and caring nature.

✦ As long as you were there alongside him, he would go just about anywhere and do almost anything that you asked.

✦ The whole Belphie situation left an indelible impact on him. Because first of all, his baby brother had been hidden away without them even knowing (which made him utterly pissed at Lucifer, though he didn't let it completely show.)

✦ And then what Belphie did to you…

✦ Even if you would ultimately end up alive after it all, he doesn't think he'll ever forget the sight of your dying body in his arms, and how it made him feel. He was mourning his human, and he couldn't bring himself to do anything else but sob.

✦ And like everything else in the aftermath of that situation, he just held his feelings back and tried to not let it affect him. Because you were Lilith's descendent, which suddenly made everything better apparently!

✦ …But that did make him wonder; if he felt like this, so distraught and racked with guilt over what happened, then what in all the Three Realms were you feeling?

✦ His brothers mocked him for his stupidity, and while he may get ahead of himself at times, Mammon was arguably the most emotionally mature of them all. It was just as the second eldest, he would hide his true feelings almost as much as Lucifer did.

✦ For the sake of his family, he played the clown. Partially because he was pretty stupid at times, but also because that's just how their family worked. And he was more than fine with that, because as long as his family stayed together, that's all that truly mattered to him.

✦ And guess what? You were part of the family now too: 🎉Congratulations!!! 🎉 So he just wanted to be there for you in whatever way you needed. Just as long as he could be with you, he would be happy.

✦ Just as long as he kept himself in check, and cared for you only as much as you did for him, he could hopefully keep his greed at bay…

#obey me #obey me x reader #obey me x mc #obey me imagines #obey me imagine #obey me headcanons #obey me hcs #obey me shall we date #shall we date obey me #obey me mammon #mammon x reader #celestial writings

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mysadcorner · 2 years

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Damian Wayne x Shy!Reader Headcanons

- Credit to the gifs owner - Requests open -

Tag list: @simligul

• Damian isn’t very much of a people person when he’s meeting someone for the first time, so when he sees that you aren’t as enthusiastic to contribute to the conversation as much as others are he thinks that you just aren’t interested. It’s only once he properly looks at you and your behaviour that he realises that you’re shy and not just uninterested in those around you.

• Damian would take his time with you if he knew that you were shy to physical affection. He would never rush you or try to push you into something you may not be ready for, so as long as you tell him your boundaries then he knows to never over step what you are comfortable and would wait for you to express wanting to take things further with him just in case he makes you feel unsafe or scared at any time.

• He would very easily pick up on when things were getting too loud for you, or if you were uncomfortable in a situation (not everyone is comfortable with loud groups of people). Damian would be absolutely fine with going with you to somewhere quieter or less populated if he knew that was what you wanted to do, or if you wanted to stay there he’d stay beside you for moral and close support so that you wouldn’t get too overwhelmed.

• If the two of you have an established relationship, then he will absolutely go anywhere and everywhere with you - and do anything you ask of him or do whatever you want. And with shyness he knows that it’s hard for relationships to progress so he’s constantly checking up on you both physically and emotionally to make sure that things are going at a comfortable pace for you.

• Damian likes to see you get flustered by your shyness. He likes it when you blush or shy away from him because of his behaviour or words but would never do something to the point of making you feel bad or uncomfortable. He just finds you adorable as it’s so much harder to make the people he knows react in such a way.

• Whenever you need help and aren’t comfortable with asking others, Damian will always be there for you. Sometimes you don’t even have to ask as he’s so perceptive that he’ll figure out that you’re struggling before even you do. But eventually he does help you will getting used to the people around you and opening up so that if you ever need help when he’s not around that you can still have someone to rely on.

• Damian tries to bring you out of your comfort zone sometimes. Yes he finds your shyness adorable, but it can also be quite dangerous. If you were ever in a threatening situation or needed emergency care he would worry that you wouldn’t be able to find the assistance you needed or something terrible might happen to you without someone being made aware. Because of this, he helps you open up to more people and communicating certain things easier - even if you don’t become so much less shy, just the fact that you can express yourself more puts him at ease.

• Damian’s not used to shy people at all, so it does take him a little bit of time to get to know you (and he can find it a little bit annoying at first before he’s figured things out). However, after a while he’s totally used to you and enjoys your quietness and shyness - he finds it quite refreshing compared to the loud and obnoxious people he sees on a regular basis.

• He knows it’s hard for shy people to make friends, and how harder it is for them to maintain friendships. So when you feel lonely or just want some company without the stresses of having to get to know someone new you can always call on him at anytime night or day. He often gets lonely so he knows what the feeling is like, and would hate the thought of you experiencing it too.

#dc x you #dc x reader #dc comics headcanons #dc #dceu #dc robin #dcu #dc comcis #damian wayne x y/n #damian wayne x you #damian wayne x reader #damian wayne fluff #adult damian wayne #damian wayne headcanon #damian wayne #Damian dc #dc damian wayne

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en-fics · 1 year

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Would it be alright If I pulled you closer?

Pairing : Taehyung x Reader

Content : Fluff, Sweet

Summary : Taehyung not feeling confident in himself and you being his support...help him.

<><><><>

It all felt empty to Taehyung. The longer he sat in his studio, looking at the unfinished lyrics, melody and a bunch of rolled scribbled papers thrown in the dustbin, more empty he felt.

'How long' were the words constantly in his mind. How long will it take for him to complete the songs, melody and an album.

He began feeling his hardwork was going in vain and he was not able to deliver the emotions he wanted to.

'Why can't I finish the album, song quickly like Hoseok and Namjoon hyung?'

'Why can't I deliver and potray the emotions to army?'

These two thoughts were enough to damage him emotionally resulting in him feeling mentally and physically drained.

He knew that it was simply negative thoughts and he knew how much the army and the members support him. But tonight his feelings were mixed.

The clock's needle continued to click and move forward making the time pass from 5:00 PM to now 11:00 PM with him stuck up in his emotions.

Not having the energy to think and drain himself anymore. He decides to finally end the day and go back home.

The whole ride to his home was in complete silence except for the car honks and beating of his heart.

He manages to drive quickly and park his car, now walking towards the main door of his house.

It's already past eleven and he doesn't want to disturb you since he thinks you must be sleeping and himself opens the main door from his duplicate key, only to see the light 'On' of his main hall and your figure arranging some books on the shelf.

You don't know that Taehyung has arrived since he always rings the bell even if he uses the key but today he didn't.

As he sees your side profile, he then realises that he is not alone... instead he has you. To whom he can rely on without the fear of making him feel less or low unlike the world.

He let's out a small tired smile and makes his way towards you after removing his shoes.

You jerk a bit as you feel two big warm hands wrap around your waist suddenly. "Tae" you say and turn around to see him already looking at you.

You see the tiredness on his face. You hug him and he also hugs you back, holding you tightly.

"Taehyung, are you alright?" You ask after hugging him for sometime now. He doesn't say anything and tightens his grip on you, and now you understand that indeed something has happened.

You don't ask him again anything instead rub his back slowly as a way to tell him you are there for him.

Some time passes and he finally looks at you, his eyes are a little watery. He takes a sigh and makes you both sit on the nearby couch.

"(y/n), I-I am feeling really sad...I'm not able to write any song, not even a sentence. How and what will I do now?" He says and some tears roll down his cheeks.

You feel sad for him too. You know he never cries easily, but if he is right now...it means he carried his pain alone and is now overwhelmed with it.

"shhhh, it's okay Tae, I'm here for you. You can do everything. Army's, members and I, we all understand you. We all know you are working hard."

"I know b-but, it's sad that it's been s-so long and I'm still stuck here."

"Tae, I know that you want to write all the songs and quickly make an album. I understand you, but it's important that you understand yourself first. Believe in yourself, I know that you know, you can do this. Maybe it will take a little more time and effort but I know you can do this."

You say some positive words to him to make him feel a bit better than before.

"You know what Tae, maybe you should take a break...like a few days off. Relax your mind and then work on your songs. Sometimes a break is important, to know and understand yourself better. At that time, you can even get a lot of answers and ideas."

"You are right, I should take a few days off, we both will actually." He says this time with a hope on his face and a smile.

"Thank you (y/n) for listening to me and helping me out." He moves a bit towards you and hugs you again.

"Welcome my love, anything for you." You say after pulling back from the hug and kiss his cheek.

"I love you"

"I love you too."

Sometimes we can get so much strength from our loved ones, even when everything seems to fall apart, a simple hug or talk with them feels so good. And that's how Taehyung felt too.

#bts #taehyung imagine #kim taehyung #taehyung ff #bts taehyung #taehyung headers #taehyung smut #taehyung moodboard #taetae #bts tae wallpaper #bts tae x reader #tae x reader

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felixisourayofsunshine · 5 months

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I realised that I had this in my drafts for quite some time. Appearantly I forgot to post it. I am gonna modify it and post it now cuz we NEED to talk about this...

Okay so i just watched the interview of the miraculous ladybug writers about the end of season 5............. and my god I am so annoyed right now....

what do you mean that Gabriel was a hero??? as much as i know about a hero, heroes donot go around destroying cities,fighing teenagers,taking advantage of people's vulnerability. That man physically and mentally tortured his own son for years, Yeeted him across Paris, forced his girlfriend to break up with him by emotionally blackmailing her, seperated his son from the girl he loves, and what not. I understand that he was in grief and sorrow due to his wife's death , ok you can turn into villain due to that but that doesn't give to the right to treat your son like this. So what? By sacrificing himself for the wish HE wanted to make he became a hero? What logic is that? Imagine making a statue of a fucking villain which is taller than the heroes'. And the lady in end of the episode was not Emilie but Amelie wtf huh? You are telling me that all those years of being an insignificant character she still remains insignificant? You want me to believe that the terrorist who destroyed not only Paris but traumatized them of life, destroyed teenagers' lives, enslaved his own son for years is a hero? NOT HAPPENING!!

Also they had planned from the beginning that Chat was not gonna be in the final fight with Hawkmoth... Great you proved that to you his character was useless from the start. You guys have been neglecting the poor boy since the very begging , y'all are just too biased towards ladybug. Why name the show Miraculous: Tales of ladybug and Chat Noir just remove his name from the title at his point. Believe me or not Adrien has much more potential as a main character than Mari. I am not hating on her or anything but my girl just doesn't know how to deal with pressure well, and again it's just the product of poor writing done on her. I just hate how biased they are towards Mari that they tend to turn a blind eye at Adrien at times.but you don't even give him enough screen time even though he is supposed to be the main character along with ladybug.

And about their poorly written character.... let's just take Chloe for example, my girl is the most inconsistent character in the show. Till this day they can't decide whether to make her good or bad. She starts as a bad person, then tries to become good, then turns bad again, also team up with Lila (and just WHY would you do that ) and in the end becomes bad again. Choose between good or bad, she is swinging between being good or bad, settle with one thing for goodness' sake.

Also while we are at it let's talk about the poor writing of the show. They just don't know how to execute ideas. Now they mostly rely on timelines all the time.They just think "Oh this idea seems nice but we don't wanna change the show much, ohh don't worry we'll just make it an alternate timeline!! Problem Solved!!!". This is not the right thing to do . They hype us up by showing us something and then in the end they just reverse the timeline.

And how on earth was it Mari's win? In what sense is it the hero's win if the villain reaches his goal? And let's just not talk about the trauma this all gave Mari. She just carries too much burden on her shoulders... Only she knows that the person they are now calling a hero is actually a villain.

And finally, 8 damn years, it's almost been a decade since the show started and we still ain't got no reveal? C'mon if you can't even let the reveal happen in five season then how much longer it will take to reveal themselves? are you even planning to let the damn reveal happen or will just end the show after I don't know how many more seasons without letting them reveal themselves?

#justiceforourcatboy

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myswimmingpewl · 9 months

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Helloooo, someone said to do part two and you ask, you shall receive (p.s: to the person who asked for more of this thanks so much, I feel famous 😍)

So part two of what the ghosts reactions to Mary's sucking off tell us about them and their lives

Kitty acts all clueless and relys on pat to explain what's happening. She isn't actually stupid, she knows somewhat about what happened to Mary but her method of copeing is by pretending nothing bad is happeing. We see this with kittys sister. She was terrible but kitty chooses to remember her as really nice simply becasue it's easier than remembering her as who she really was. She does this with Mary too, she seems as though she doesn't know what's happening becasue she doesn't want to accept it.

Thomas is only focused on himself and how that can happen to him at any moment. Obviously, we know Thomas is very dramatic and self centered but this could be because of his life. In his head, he believed to be the best poet, loved my everyone when in reality, he wasn't great and people laughed at him (I also think that he was outshone by his cousin Francis). Similar to kitty, Thomas hides the truth in his head to feel better about him self. But even with this coping mechanism, he still knows that he isn't the world-renowned poet he always wanted to be so he is desperate to keep trying (why he went to Italy to find inspo and other places to show off). Seeing Mary being sucked off would have made him realise that it can happen to him at any moment and he was never successful (this is actually so sad 😭) so in reality, he isn't being selfish, he's just desperate to do something with his life (death)

Julian got really angry in response to Mary's loss. As a stereotypical politician, many things would have made him angry but he couldn't really show that in the media bcs it woukd make him look bad. He was then left alone with his anger. Also he says that someone else he knew was really angry after the death of a cat (?), so angry they had to "hide the nuclear launch codes" potentially he's mirroring that behaviour becasue it's the only way he saw people reaction to loss previously (tbh I have no idea with Julian I'm just winging it lmao if you know anything else, go with that😭😭)

And humphrey was clueless until the end of the episode😭 I suppose this could mirror how he was clueless about Sophie's plot but I think I'm thinking too much into this😭 ALSO the fact that captain volunteered to tell humphrey the news shows how much he grew emotionally and he's not only capable of being in touch with his own feeling without hiding them but also to share them to someone

I think that's all the characters and yea slay follow me😍 (and see part one to this)

#bbc ghosts #themthere #six idiots #bbc ghosts mary #bbc ghosts julian #bbc ghosts thomas #bbc ghosts humphrey #bbc ghosts captain #mat baynton #simon farnaby #larry rickard #slay

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thelordofgifs · 5 months

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please tell me more about maedhros in part 30 of tfs beloved 🌟🌟🌟

(director’s cut ask game)

Oooh excellent question ty!!! Part 30 of the fairest stars is probably one of my favourites and I have SO many ramblings I can do about it. Under the cut for spoilers.

There was a lot riding on part 30: I wanted it to be very sad, and also very suspenseful, and to function as a character study of Maedhros while also not revealing to the reader what he was actually planning to do. Which was tricky! I think I managed to pull it off, but it was definitely technically challenging to write (also emotionally challenging, it made me so sad ok).

Not long after I realised that the third arc would end with Maedhros going to Sauron, I also realised that it would be best not to reveal too much of his thought processes: so, although he's the most central character of the arc, he actually gets very little point of view in it. He narrates a couple of lines in parts 23 and 24, but the last proper extended pov he gets is in part 22 – which worked quite well, because as the arc progressed I wanted to hint at his gradual mental deterioration without alarming the reader too much. In part 30, on the other hand, you are meant to be extremely alarmed. Interestingly, Maedhros himself, who is very wedded to the idea of himself as Logical and Sensible and Always Right, does not really have any idea of how bad a state he is in during part 30.

There's stuff like this incident, for example:

“No – no – you’re wrong,” Maedhros says, a little wildly. “Finno is good, he wouldn't—”

Turgon watches him, not unsympathetically, as he struggles for words, and then fetches him some water and waits until he has regained his composure.

He did pretty much have a panic attack in front of Turgon there, but without acknowledging it to himself.

Or this one:

Still, cowardly, he finds himself dawdling; after leaving Fingon’s chambers he wanders through the corridors for some hours.

(It is hard to keep track of time these days; he might blink and realise that it has grown dark outside without his noticing, or else that he has no memory of coming into this part of the fortress.)

Maedhros. Baby. You are having a severe mental health crisis.

It’s not that he’s unaware of this! Which comes across mostly clearly in what is imo the single saddest line of part 30 and possibly of the entire fic:

If Maedhros said, No, it is all dark inside my head, and I cannot see a way out— If he said, I know what I must do, but Valar curse me, I am afraid, I am so afraid— Or even if he said, Káno, help me, help me, help me—

It’s just. he’s so close. If he had only asked for help – you only ever have to ask!! – all the tragedy could have been averted; and Maedhros knows that! He knows that Maglor would do anything to make him feel better, but he can’t bear to keep relying on his brother any more, and so does not do the sensible thing and reach for help.

(A lot of Maedhros’ thought processes in part 30 were written to feel like those of a suicidal person. That was deliberate for many reasons: of course Maedhros is the only named Elf who canonically does commit suicide, and for me one of his defining traits is a very… unelvish instinct for self-destruction – consider also the fact that he begs Fingon to kill him on Thangorodrim. Then there was the simple plot-and-suspense reason that I did want the reader to maybe get the inkling that the ill-advised decision he is planning to make is to commit suicide: in a way it is, because he isn’t expecting to ever leave Sauron’s captivity, I don’t think. So this is why he states explicitly that he “cannot see a way out”, and why too he is so concerned that Fingon does not blame himself when he finds out what Maedhros has done. When your mental state is this bad, it’s very easy to start thinking in black-and-white.)

Hmm what else. Of course the first two thirds or so of part 30 are really about Maedhros trying to set his affairs in order before he leaves (again… he really does feel like he’s dying, in a way), and in particular to tie up loose threads in the two relationships that most define him, his relationship with Fingon and his relationship with Maglor. So first of all he talks to Lúthien about the Silmaril in Doriath, which he frames to her as wanting to win for Maglor’s sake – which is not strictly true, of course. Maedhros wants the Silmaril because of his Oath. But convincing himself that he needs to fulfil the Oath because Maglor deserves to be free of it is… a rather convenient way of putting it to himself.

Then he talks to Turgon about Fingon, and asks him not to hold a grudge against Fingon on Maedhros’ account.

“On your account,” Turgon repeats. “You do rather think everything is about you, don’t you?”

Here’s another Hard Truth for Maedhros, after Lúthien’s insights about the nature of the Oath: he’s not the main character! He needs to stop thinking that he’s the main character! (I do think the failure of the Union in canon was mainly because Maedhros saw himself as the protagonist of the fight against Morgoth. He’s just so utterly unable to recognise the shape of his own narrative.)

Turgon is right in this conversation, but he’s also pretty harsh on Maedhros. In particular, he attacks the one conviction Maedhros usually takes as gospel, which is his belief that Fingon is a good person:

“Alqualondë,” says Turgon, with an air of dreadful finality. “You know as well as I do that he would not have leapt into the slaughter were it not for you! He followed you into it, and he will follow you to his doom just as blindly. Will you stop him, Maedhros? Or will you drag him down with you into whatever accursed acts of evil your damned Oath compels you to next?”

“No – no – you’re wrong,” Maedhros says, a little wildly. “Finno is good, he wouldn't—”

The thing is! Maedhros loves Fingon very deeply: and he is fundamentally unable to see the people he loves with any degree of objectivity (see also: Maglor). This came up all the way back in part 8, when he is worried that Fingon might launch an invasion of Doriath:

“Finno,” says Maedhros, “you don’t – you won't—”

Fingon kisses him. “It’ll be alright,” he says.

Maedhros trusts him, of course he does. But he is also frightened.

A lot of his general worldview is predicated on Fingon being a good person.

So Turgon's accusation sends Maedhros spiralling. Although he wasn't expecting to succeed in convincing Turgon to forgive Fingon, he also wasn't expecting to have to reevaluate something so fundamental.

He does not know whether he has succeeded in softening Turgon’s opinion of his brother; his thought was to mend the breach between them, smooth out the little anxious line that appears between Fingon’s brows when he sees Turgon from afar – but he should have known it would not work, he who ruins everything he touches.

But could he ruin Fingon? Does the taint in him truly run that deep?

It is not possible. Fingon is all goodness and light and purity, the shining hero, the Eagle-rider, who brought Maedhros back from his living hell and drove Glaurung away from Hithlum and – and slew the Teleri at Alqualondë, and – kissed Maedhros on the field of his victory as though he were truly nothing but the spoils of battle—

his internal monologue is... very fucked up here, to put it lightly. Maedhros has spent a long time talking about himself as "corrupted" and "tainted" – very dark and loaded vocabulary which he does fully buy into. (This is a relic of Angband. I've long thought that one of the most destructive things to do to a person, far worse in some measures than physical torture, is to make them believe that they are evil and irredeemable – and Maedhros, who had very recently become a murderer at the time he was taken captive, must have been such a prime target for psychological manipulation of that sort! Easy to hurt, indeed. And then the events of tfs – most notably the stabbing – have done nothing to disabuse him of that notion.)

While I was writing this part, I was working off a list of Reasons Why Maedhros Makes His Decision – I didn't write it down anywhere, but in order of priority they probably go something like this:

he wants Maglor to hate him

he thinks he deserves to suffer

he doesn't want to be Fingon's trophy and if he is nothing but a trophy and a lovely thing to be admired, then he might as well be Sauron's

he has a plan to get the Silmarils back (it is not spoiling much to say that this plan is very, very stupid. but it's there)

he needs to leave so that he doesn't snap and accidentally kill Maglor

NEW!! he needs to leave so that he doesn't make Fingon evil

he needs to leave because he is hurting Maglor by relying on him so much

he needs to leave because he is politically toxic for Fingon, as the fallout from the kiss has shown

once again!! he is so so so fucked up!! But, back to Turgon: he pretty much sends Maedhros into crisis by pointing out that Fingon is in fact a three-dimensional and morally rather flawed person, a fact which Maedhros prefers to ignore – but in the end, instead of taking the right lessons from his conversation with Turgon, he just concludes that he is the entire problem here and if only Fingon were free of his terrible corrupting influence he would be as good and heroic as Maedhros knows he actually is. You idiot that's not how any of this works!!

He calms down a bit once he has managed to wrangle this realisation into another reason why he should leave, though, and manages to keep a pretty cool and collected mask during his conversation with Fingon.

“Well, he was right about one thing,” Fingon says softly. His eyes are fixed on Maedhros’ face. “I do love you best. I would put you above any of them.”

Maedhros does not flinch.

“Very romantic,” he says, endeavouring to sound wry, “if perhaps not a sentiment you should express in public.”

look at him deflecting!! wouldn't it be nice if he actually said what he was thinking for once. oh well.

There's also this:

Maedhros squeezes his fingers, and meets his eyes as earnestly as he can. “You are not – you are not cruel, Finno,” he says. “You are not – like him. You are not.”

(Sidenote, but – and I've mentioned this in previous director's cuts – Maedhros is usually pretty articulate and well-spoken, the diplomat, the linguist's son; when he starts stumbling over his words, or speaking in sentence fragments, it's a pretty clear tell that he is in a terrible state mentally. In part 30 it's so bad that even his thoughts and internal monologue are full of em-dashes and incoherent half-clauses and clumsy repetition. I put thought into this ok!)

Anyway, this is actually Maedhros just talking to himself, trying to convince himself that Turgon was wrong, that Fingon isn't evil (which isn't what Turgon said but ok Maedhros), and that he is not like Sauron, one impulsive adrenaline-fuelled kiss beside. Unfortunately, Fingon is not really giving him the reassurance he needs, mostly because Maedhros won't tell him what's troubling him:

The last time they kissed, Fingon tasted of blood. The cold metal of his gauntlet left deep marks on Maedhros’ cheek. Now his mouth is sunshine-sweet, and he twines his bare hand in Maedhros’ hair, drawing him closer, inhaling him, possessing him, and Maedhros lets him—

Maedhros lets him.

You will lead him to his ruin, said Turgon.

They break apart at last. Fingon rests his forehead against Maedhros’ and looks at him like he has never seen anything lovelier.

This is part of the weird little tangle Maedhros has got himself into, which goes something like: kissing me knowing I didn't want him to was bad and something Sauron would do = Sauron said I am easy to hurt = being in a relationship with me is going to turn Fingon into Sauron because he can't help but hurt me and I am too weak and corrupted to stop him, which is messed up and victim-blaming and illogical and wrong on SO many levels, but yeah. Anyway, that phrase, "he has never seen anything lovelier", was pretty deliberately chosen, in light of Maedhros' statement in part 29 that he does not want to be merely "a doll, a trophy, a lovely thing to be admired"; and Lúthien, too, signals to him that she understands this hyperspecific fear of his, when she tells him, "It is very hard, I think, to be treated as nothing more than a lovely thing to be admired." So here, with Fingon's adoring gaze on him, Maedhros is worrying once again that loving him is bad for Fingon, and is making him into a worse person. In a very convoluted way, because, again, he isn't thinking clearly at all.

(Starting to realise I could write another entire post on the russingon dynamic in parts 28-30, and I have plenty more of these director's cut asks to get through, so I'll cut it short here lol.)

Anyway, the last and saddest of the conversations Maedhros has is, of course, with Maglor because I am soooo normal and ordinary about these two. Maedhros isn't actually intending to talk to Maglor before leaving:

Maedhros only means to look at him, but then Maglor glances up and notices him standing in the doorway. “Nelyo! I did not think you were sleeping here tonight,” he says. Then he looks at Maedhros more closely. “Another nightmare?”

This is mostly because Maedhros is worried that Maglor, who makes a habit of noticing his every minor tell, will start to suspect that he is planning something; but in the end he can't leave without giving himself a goodbye, even though neither Maglor nor the reader know that it's a goodbye. (The reader probably could tell? Unsure.)

Anyway, this last scene was mostly about fleshing out all the Maglor-related reasons from Maedhros' list above; namely, making it clear that he does know exactly how badly he is about to hurt Maglor, and is going through with his plan not despite that fact but because of it, because he needs Maglor to hate him. I've already written an entire essay about their dynamic in the third arc, so I'll keep it shorter here, but basically: Maedhros has become all too aware of how codependent and unhealthy his relationship with his brother has become, and has hit upon a very, very bad solution to this problem.

I mean.

When Maedhros found Maglor in the cave, his brother was moments from death, so weak he could not lift his head; and his white face lit by the Silmaril was filled with bereft despair, for Curufin had abandoned him.

In his secret heart Maedhros long thought it the cruellest of all Curufin’s deeds. How could anyone willingly hurt Maglor – how could anyone leave him?

Maedhros: my brother has abandonment issues. I think abandoning him will fix this,

Oooh yes also that reminds me! Maedhros spends a lot of time in part 30 thinking about Curufin: and this is really the crux of it, the fact that Curufin's decision to leave in part 20 and Maedhros' decision to leave in part 30 are parallels of each other. In fact the approximate train of thought of mine that led to this plot point, back in May when I first conceived it, was "everyone keeps being mean to Curvo for being so so stupid but you know what. I think Maedhros can be stupider actually."

Anyway, unlike the three other conversations he has in part 30, Maedhros doesn’t go into his conversation with Maglor with any particular goal he would like to achieve. He just… loves him. And, as he tried his best to play the devoted lover with Fingon, he slips now into the role of the responsible elder brother, telling Maglor to go to bed and scolding him for staying up too late. (Not to get on the suicide parallels again, but sudden calmness/more cheerful behaviour is a somewhat common indicator that a suicidal person has made a decision to end their life.) And, also, I think a part of Maedhros wants to leave Maglor with a good memory of him, even though that's contrary to his actual goal, which is to make Maglor hate him. (This is also why he tries to refrain from touching Maglor throughout the conversation, although he isn't ultimately able to.)

The very last bit of the scene:

Even so, the tune is recognisable: a lullaby Maglor wrote for Maedhros by the shores of Lake Mithrim, in the very early days when Maedhros was too terrified of it all turning out to be a dream to even close his eyes.

Maglor sang it again when he saved Maedhros’ life from Carcharoth, moments before the wolf leapt upon him, and again in Himring with Maedhros’ knife sticking out of his abdomen.

Hearing it now, he takes Maedhros’ hand, and listens attentively; but eventually his eyes drift closed, and Maedhros watches as his breathing eases into sleep.

idk something about the parallels here. the fact that Maglor sang this lullaby at the times when Maedhros hurt him (not that he was actively involved in the Carcharoth incident, but he blames himself for that anyway) and that Maedhros sings it to him now, just before hurting Maglor yet again... I just like the image.

I was rather pleased with the way the scene ends on a very gentle note; Maedhros literally gets up to leave seconds after this, but I knew I didn't want to show the actual moment he walks away, and leave his POV still on this very peaceful little tableau.

Then there's a little interlude in which Fingon and Maglor Find Out, and then we return to Maedhros' POV for the fun final scene of the arc. There isn't a lot to say about Maedhros' walk through Dorthonion; mostly what I was trying to do was to trick the reader into thinking he was walking to Menegroth lol. (Which doesn't actually make any sense, since he can't pass through the Girdle. But I wanted to lead you into considering the possibility anyway.)

One thing I do want to highlight:

Hard to feel very thankful about anything, when his feet are drawn inexorably forward, as though he is walking downhill, although the ground is flat here.

He was vaguely worried, in the dimmed and distant way he feels anything right now, that he would not be able to find his target. It is not exactly marked on any maps, after all.

But he should not have been concerned. Some ugly core of him knows the way he is going.

and also

Ancient instinct pushes him to his knees.

I was deliberately using very passive language here: Maedhros' feet are being drawn forward, he is pushed to his knees. (Also, "some ugly core of him"! He's so convinced that he is fundamentally evil and corrupted!) He has basically completely relinquished any idea of his own agency here: this is inevitable, and he was always going to end up here, at Sauron's feet, and there is no other way the story could ever have gone.

He's wrong, of course. He did have a choice, he had so many chances, and he didn't take any of them.

#asks #that-angry-noldo #ask game #cw suicide #the fairest stars #tfs spoilers #maedhros #this took me like a week omg I have SO many thoughts #tl;dr the boy is Fucked Up

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sunsetrules · 1 year

Text

okay but how are the people that are so willing to crap on Damian for being the little tsundere stink he is able to take the entirety of their unbridled anger out onto this little man without having the self-awareness to actually sit with the fact that the dude is six years of age????

like, even if we were to set aside the fact that irl most young children have NO grasp on their feelings whatsoever and are only as emotionally mature as they've been taught to be/as their still growing, still developing (emphasis on STILL DEVELOPING!!!) brains will allow them to be... small Desmond is literally trying to work out why his mommy and daddy can't take a minute out of their lives to see him when his classmates' parents can afford to take HOURS, while also simultaneously trying to maintain the facade of the perfect independent self-sufficient son that doesn't need to rely on anyone or anything ever...???? like just????

preschoolers struggle to work through stupid shit like learning to share or dealing with getting their ipad taken away- can you imagine the toll this constant back and forth swing of contradictory emotion (oscillating between his Second Son "Scion" I-Can-Do-No-Wrong exterior and the flawed, imperfect, undeserving son he internalises himself to be in private, alongside having to battle and shame himself for the very legitimate and innate need for comfort, love, and security that a child his age REQUIRES for a healthy upbringing?????) will take over time on a person??

even ADULTS would struggle to juggle all that crap- how do you expect a literal PRESCHOOLER to be able to do so??? in a healthy way that doesn't impact his behaviour and personality and mental health, no less???

trauma fucks people up beyond repair; it eats at you until you are unrecognizable- a hollow shell of your former self... the consistent absence (and by extent, emotional neglect) of both of his parents to this end, is a kindof ongoing trauma that only serves to make what was bad worse.

like i get where people are trying to come from with the "don't excuse his circumstances for his mentality when HE chooses how to act" perspective, and in almost any other case I actually do take this side because yes, while trauma does not make nice people, it is ultimately up to the afflicted to decide whether they want to let this trauma impact them and assume agency over their person for the rest of their lives. however.

VEEEEERY BIG HOWEVER!

in this specific case... this just isn't applicable!!! again, as I've said earlier,,,,, Damian is a preschooler,,,,, he is an intelligent little fucker, that I don't deny, but scientifically speaking, his brain is simply not developed enough to process the complexities of what exactly is going on to him, and how the behaviour of those around him influences his own subconsciously. this isn't just a matter of flipping a switch, of actively making the choice to not let your trauma influence you and act on your own will- he legitimately is not actively conscious of the fact that he "chooses" to act in the way he does; he has no healthy role model to follow, no support system, no one to fall back on should he stumble.

man even Ewen and Emile, who i hesitate to call his friends, act more like his lackeys than they do genuine companions (and although these relationships are probably the healthiest he has at the moment), it ultimately means that in the eventuality he needs someone to confide in, he... doesn't really have anyone. i mean, he has his butler, but does that really count, considering Damian is most likely aware the man is paid to spend time with him (and as much as that shouldn't affect what seems to be a pleasant mutual relationship, it kindof does lol???? like how would you feel realising your only friend is literally forced to hangout with you?????)

i need some of y'all to wake the fuck up- try to picture going through every single day of your life wondering which flaw, which ineptitude; which FAILING of yours shamed your parents into recluse and (practically) had them decide that ZERO contact was the way to go???? WITH THEIR FUCKING SIX YEAR OLD???

bffr. be so fucking fr rn.

#2 am thoughts #genuinely damian's parents absolutely sucks #he deserves so much better #the fact that loid praising him in that one scene was probably the most affection baby desmond has ever gotten is just #so fucking sad #loid please adopt your son in law he cant live like this anymore #this goes for the headpat too actually #damian realizing he actually likes physical touch after parental figure of the year Loid Forger ruffles his hair once is #very canon #and also very sad #ranting #ramblings #sorry for the long post idk what got to me #i hope damian actually gets to heal #and ideally spend more time w anya at least to experience some genuine parental love #loid and yor already love him more than his bio dad pretends to and its heartwrenching #genuinely i hope he can rely on the forgers for emotional support at least the boy needs a support circle #spy x family #sxf #spyxfamily #damian desmond #anya forger #yor forger #loid forger #twiyor #loid x yor #damianya #this turned out WAY longer than i had initially thought it out to be #damian desmond protection squad because boyo deserves the world #character study

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jaffre · 2 years

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additional thoughts on the conan au

about Themes and character development

> what's shinichi kudo as an established private detective like?

extrapolating from his upbringing (rich parents) but without ran's influence (emotional anchor), i think he'd be an absolute ass (more than canon shinichi). since his parents are... Like That, he definitely has some emotional neglect and this autistic boy definitely has a special interest in detective stories and detecting as a whole. canon shinichi has a great sense of justice but i think this one is a bit too stunted emotionally for it, he's mostly in it for the puzzles, the challenge. he still has empathy but he has a tendency to forget there's real people behind cases often. he takes cases that scratch his curious itch, and he's very good at his job. his canon occasional sense of self-importance becomes a real arrogance in his own skills.

I'm setting this up cause i want his poisoning to be a result of hubris, too self-confident rather than nosy. and while before people were lapping all his words, now as a kid noone pays attention to him. he has to learn humility and accept that 1/other people have valuable skills, and 2/ he can rely on other people when needed

> ran mouri's role

even removing her romantic role, i like her being an emotional anchor. she's the bridge between shinichi and kogoro. both because she's the one who brings conan to mouri, but also as a point of focus for both of them. mouri's not dad of the year but he deeply cares for his daughter and will jump into danger for her. shinichi as mentioned before has a deep emotional need, and she's the one who found him as a kid and was kind to him, so he latched onto her that way. the point is to redirect some of that attention to the other one (kogoro caring for shinichi/conan and shinichi getting attached to/relying on kogoro)

aside from this, i dont have much to say, she's great as she is

> kogoro mouri the other detective

i said before that i wanted him and shinichi to complement one another, and building off canon, hes extremely emotionally expressive and receptive. he slips up when he's excited, but he knows when to shut his mouth and has better "bedside manners" than shinichi when it comes to clients. he's less of a creep/pervert because it sucks, but he's still like, flirty in appropriate ways and situations (maybe he dates around?) (also bi4bi af) (i do like that in canon ran dislikes him being interested in other women because she wants her parents to get back together so i can keep that, that adds realistic flaws for a teenager to hold onto hopes like that) OF COURSE because its me id love to add just a smidge of unhealthy obsession with shinichi because kogoro has a mad crush on him but is in denial about it

he's a little less observant (except for people's emotions) than shinichi, and has way less academic knowledge and analytical mind. but he's more tuned in on current events and pop culture, i like to imagine the sort of details thats like the missing puzzle piece for shinichi to figure it all out. his people skills means he also often intuits the correct answer for a case but has no way to prove or even explain what happened, but he can feel who did it or why someone did it.

i like to imagine that working together makes them solve cases faster but also helps avoid some tragedies ; shinichi sometimes solve cases a bit too late after crime has been commited, but with the two of them they often manage to stop the crime before it happens

> other notes

idk if i want kogoro and shinichi to have known one another when they were younger, i guess that depends how i can add dramatic tension with that lmao. but we love a "didnt realise you were that childhood friend i had and lost sight of for decades"

#these are rambles I'm not necessarily the best to put thoughts into words properly #I'm never going to write this but here's ideas #feel free to steal #conan au

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enneamage · 10 months

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i've always felt like hasan and dream are extremely similar, mainly in the way they respond to things and i don't know anything about mbti so i was wondering what could explain that similarity? or maybe it's just in my head, i don't really know

What you’re looking at is a similarity between types, as Hasan is an Eight and Dream is a Counterphobic Six.

Eights and Sixes can honestly have a lot of overlap in places, especially if the Six leans counterphobic in an angry way. Dream has even been mis-typed as an Eight by a test he’s done, so he’s even convinced he is one. They both tend to try and cover sensitive nerves with reactive energy, wanting to be sure that the things in their environment can’t hurt or control them. Both Dream and Hasan can get stiff when they get angry/activated and only tend to get their flexibility back after they calm down.

Hasan holds a tank stance-- he goes where he wants on stream and holds his ground when he gets there, even if he's coming in too strong. Hasan can still be a pretty raw nerve and will kick off if he thinks he’s getting too much blowback or someone is getting into his space (direct callout/chat blocking maneuver) because he prefers to have a dominant angle to keep himself calm.

Dream moves towards the ‘threat’ to try and stamp it out, especially in the early days. He used to kick off fairly easily because he was sensitised to try and go after things directly when he thought he saw a problem. He also likes arguing which I cover a bit more here, so there's also a part of him that may not recognise how damaging it can be until his foot is already in his mouth and the damage is done. He has issues with reading situations and social cues, which make his reactivity come from an alien place to some people, especially when he’s getting emotional in a way he doesn’t realise is emotionality and doesn’t know to pull back.

I found a little comparison snip:

The main reason you could confuse these two types is because Sixes have two ways of reacting to their core desire of feeling safe: Either by submitting to the things that give them safety, or by aggressively rebelling against them. This aggression can make them look similar to Eights. But as you will see, it comes from a very different place. Eights are entirely aggressive. Not necessarily in the violent sense, but in the sense that they’re comfortable with pushing for what they want and need without hesitation. If you defy them, they will defy you back. Sixes would never go that far. Yes, they will resist, but only to the point where they feel they can still get away with it without risking their safety too much. Eights are fundamentally independent, while Sixes need a framework they can rely on. When these types push back, they push for different things: Sixes to regain a feeling of security, Eights to regain a feeling of superiority.

#drm 6w5 #hsn 8w9 #i also know nothing about mbti actually #for the 'safety' quote think his social network/inner circle of friends #He's more push and pull so it's more confusing

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ravelights · 2 years

Text

I found this ending panel really interesting, mostly because of the sheer difference of Uraraka and Izuku response.

This takes place after Toga confess her feelings for Izuku. Now it's clear on some leave I think Toga might be trying to either one up Uraraka, or be in her stead. She knows that Uraraka has some feelings for Izuku, yet she still confesses, almost in a way where she expects Izuku to say yes to it. Or maybe she's trying to make Uraraka jealous? who knows. But what I wanted to point out is how both Uraraka and Izuku take it. Izuku is very disturbed, even scared off it, this clearly threw him for a loop. Izuku isn't the best when it comes to dealing emotions, he tends to shut them away, and only focuses on other (and even then he doesn't always read people right). So, rightfully so, he freaks out. He's disturbed and he might get very embarrass over this next chapter. He's also relying too much on danger sense to help him out and is really unprepared to deal with the other emotions toga's feeling.

But with Uraraka she totally calm, she's not even shocked over it, in fact she looks more like she's had a realisation, like "ah so that's why she dragged him here". But the thing is, Uraraka is very emotionally intelligent to herself and to others. She has recognised her own feelings from jealousy to love, and has dealt them very responsibly. She didn't confess to Izuku because she knew that if she did it would really effect their career and goals, she's also never lashed out or been angry at other girls when she is jealous, she acknowledges the feeling and moves on. She also really good at reading people emotions as we saw with the whole roof top thing and with Izuku and his self destruction and with toga situation as well.

I think that toga might reveal Uraraka crush on Izuku, but I also think Uraraka has grown enough that it won't effect her. Instead I think Uraraka will either A) admit that yes she does, but she knows it's not something that can happen at the moment and acknowledges the feeling and move on, which will I think make Toga upset because this will class against her world view on acting on her feeling without think of the consequences. Or B) Uraraka not commenting on that and instead saying that Izuku is her friend and they have a job to do and that not everything is about love/ doesn't need to be about romantic love. Which might have the same effect with toga.

I think this fight Uraraka is going to have with Toga will be educational to Izuku who has his own emotional battle coming up with Shigaraki.

#bnha spoiler #bnha #mha #boku no hero academia #midoriya izuku #my hero academia #toga himiko #uraraka ochako #bnha manga spoilers #bnha meta

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kim-seung-mo · 2 years

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Could you do a stray kids x manipulate and acts a bit narcissistic

PS I act a bit like that but I am trying to change the way I behave towards people

𝕊𝕥𝕣𝕒𝕪 𝕂𝕚𝕕𝕤 𝕎𝕚𝕥𝕙 𝕒 𝕄𝕒𝕟𝕚𝕡𝕦𝕝𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕧𝕖 𝕊/𝕆

♩ gn!reader, angst?? idk how to categorize this, toxic/manipulative behavior, the boys getting mad/sad, don't be like this irl guys this is pure fiction!!

♩♩ word count: 808

♩♩♩ A/N: ik anon said manipulative and narcissistic but i kinda just did manipulative?? hope that’s okay…also i just did hyung line cuz ii didn’t want to write about the babies being manipulated, if feels kinda weird, especially because they have less experience with…i guess people in general? and i could honestly see them being manipulated by someone like this?

wip list here

Chan

He is aware of what you are doing and is not the type of person to fall into your trap.

He doesn't like it when you act like this and speaks to you directly every time you say or do something that makes him uncomfortable.

"Y/N, I don't like feeling manipulated by you, you should stop constantly trying to manipulate people."

Whether it's actions or thoughts, he doesn't want to be controlled.

He genuinely wants you to change for the better.

He knows that all these actions of yours may come from your love, but it is also true that they make him feel discomfort.

You wouldn't want him to feel bad because of you either, would you?

But if you end up fighting about it all the time, he may break up with you before it gets too much.

"I'm not asking you to change anything superficial for me, I just want you to realise that - it's not correct to always want to manipulate people, whether it's me or someone else."

If you genuinely want to change, he doesn't mind taking you to a therapist.

Minho

You think you can manipulate him? Think again.

To be honest I don't think Minh would have dated a manipulative person to begin with.

But let's say you started out pretending to be nice and it wasn't until later that you slowly started to show that side.

Every time you made a move like trying to control his thoughts or actions, his face would go cold in a flash.

"This can't happen again, I'm giving you three chances, if you can't make a change, then I don't see how we can continue."

He's true to his word and believes that giving you three chances is already very forgiving.

He likes you, otherwise he wouldn't be dating you.

But he values his own mentalities and his own feelings more than he does you.

He would never force himself to stay in a relationship where he was unhappy.

If you want to keep his person and heart, you should at least be able to do so without seeing him as a plaything that you can manipulate.

Changbin

He doesn't think you have a bad heart, he even tries to think for you.

Maybe there's a particular reason why you always want to control everything? Or is it because he doesn't give you enough security?

He is a very independent person and whatever you say or do won't affect his judgement for the most part.

Especially in a situation like this where you are trying to manipulate him into thinking, or doing something.

He will sit down and have a proper conversation with you about it, very seriously, without his usual jokey smiley look at all.

"Simply put, I do want you to stop behaving like this. But if you have any difficulties, do not hide them from me."

He wants to rely on his own heart, to love you as he personally sees fit, not to be manipulated into doing so.

Of course, he still wants to believe that his feelings for you are real and not a false one that you have faked.

He believes that the most important thing in a relationship is honesty as well as equality between the two of you.

So if you can't even be honest and see him as an equal, you might not be the right person for him.

Hyunjin

Hyunjin looks mature on the outside, but he is still a child at heart.

When faced with your manipulation, he may not even realize that he is being controlled emotionally by you, or the words that come out of his mouth.

You always make him feel that everything is his fault. Of course this has something to do with his introverted, somewhat low-esteem personality.

But in a healthy relationship, this kind of thought is a big no-no.

He finds himself apologizing to you all the time, there is little laughter between you, and night after night he finds himself crying.

But he's afraid to think about it. He won't, dare not, question your actions.

It is in talking to someone else, with their persuasion, that he is easing into the realization that you are acting outside the norm in this way.

"So what should I do? I, I still like Y/N a lot...but I don't want to...... I don't want to always feel inferior because of them either......"

The other person told him he should go and have a proper talk with you, and if you are willing to make changes after listening to his truest thoughts, then maybe the relationship can continue.

However, if you become more aggressive or use his words as a handle to further control him, it is better to end such a relationship as soon as possible.

#stray kids #skz #skz imagines #stray kids imagines #skz x reader #stray kids x reader #skz reactions #stray kids reactions #skz headcanons #stray kids headcanons #skz scenarios #stray kids scenarios #skz angst #stray kids angst

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swanqueensalad · 3 years

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TRIGGERWARNING!

Without triggering anyone I wanna ask two things:

1) Was Cora ever physically abbussive towards Regina?

2) I know many ppl's head canon is that Leopold raped Regina again and again as his bride, but is that your headcanon too?

ok again TRIGGER WARNING for abuse & SA (and brief mention of suicide) for anyone reading/scrolling!

i'm going to just explain my personal interpretation of the show and these subjects, bc i find regina so interesting and heartbreaking. and i actually do think part of what makes regina so fascinating as a character is her relationship within the cycle of abuse and how yes, she was incredibly hurt and manipulated all her life, but she eventually managed to break free of it all and work to be better for her own child.

buckle up because i have a lot of feelings and this is probably going to be LONG

so, my thoughts on exactly what happened and why regina is as fucked up as she is:

so yeah, cora was a horrific parent. it's canon that she abused regina both emotionally and physically for practically all her life.

in practically her very first scene, we see cora using magic to hurt her eighteen year old daughter - to violently restrain her/drop her to the ground when she 'misbehaves' which pretty clearly says this is a woman who uses power and fear as a control tactic, and is not afraid of physically hurting regina.

and if this is what she was doing when regina is almost an adult, i think it's safe to assume she's been doing it since she was very young - regina's response 'please don't, i'll be good' is the conditioned response of a much younger child. everything about the way regina was written, her relationship with cora, and the way lana and the directors chose to play it screams abuse victim. she is hypervigilant - she jumps when people come close or make sudden noises. when she's choked with magic she immediately knows not to struggle or fight back. as a young girl, she is terrified of doing things wrong.

(also, when we get the flashback to actual 10 year old regina, cora says she can't help her because 'it needs to be someone who's magic has never hurt her')

while i think most of the time cora relied on magic to physically punish regina - knowing how much regina particularly hated it/was afraid of it - i think she was definitely not above slapping her for more minor infractions

beyond just physical abuse, cora was clearly emotionally distant and got regina to a place of being pretty touch-starved and desperate for affection. (lana and barbara play this so masterfully as well) we see her being constantly, nastily critical of everything her daughter does.

i think it's also implied in the regina rising book that cora was controlling/restrictive of regina's food to ensure she stayed thin/attractive which is just a whole other can of worms

as for leopold. please bear with me while i RANT:

nothing will ever make me more mad than the fact this man was never held accountable in the narrative for his role in regina's story and how absolutely fucking awful he was.

first of all, even before he meets regina, he is dodgy af. he supposedly genuinely loves cora, but throws her out immediately when he discovers her pregnancy without even asking her if it's true/discussing it. also, even in that flashback the man is visibly much older than cora and even more so than eva, who he actually does marry (although i do believe they came to truly love each other). so yeah he has a habit of Not Listening to women and not looking at women his own age

and then we get to regina. the eighteen year old daughter of his ex fiancee (younger even than the unborn child who cora carried when she was engaged to him)

yes i think he raped her. because powerful old men do not marry pretty eighteen year olds for the company. (also, if it was just so snow would have a mother figure, well, she already had her maid joanna. and if snow really wanted regina around that badly, leopold could have just brought her to court as a lady in waiting, a fitting role for a noblewoman, and more appropriate seeing as regina was only about eight years older than snow)

regina is visibly distressed by the proposal. she is panicked. she looks to her father to help. cora accepts the proposal for her. and leopold does not care. i think this tells u all u need to know about his views on consent

(also it all gets ickier when you remember leopold was attracted to cora, and regina is considered to look like cora did when she was younger)

leopold clearly had zero interest in regina as a person. he used her for arm candy for events, to make snow happy, and to keep his bed warm. (later, he invades her privacy so much regina counts on him reading her diary as a thoughtless and integral part of a plan, and locks her up for receiving a present from another man) and yet he is never treated as a villain or ever held accountable (besides regina killing him - good for her - but even then it's framed more as a way to villainise her for tricking sidney) and it makes me FURIOUS

i sometimes see the take that leopold might have stopped raping her towards the latter years of their marriage, but i disagree - i think maybe it did get fewer and farther between, but regina was still his wife who he only saw as serving a few purposes, and the way he is so possessive of her in 1x011 makes no sense otherwise, seeing as he was so uninterested in her in every other way

i do think a lot of regina's rage and vendetta against snow is because of this abuse too.

hear me out: in s1 especially, both snow and regina refer to snow as 'ruining her life'. because regina blamed her for everything that happened to her. not only did snow cause daniel's murder, it was her desire for regina as a mother that prompted leopold to marry her.

and this marriage was hell. and i think people don't realise how long it lasted either - snow went from a child to at least her late teens before regina killed leopold. regina was a traumatised young girl, grieving the love of her life, with no friends, no allies, nobody except the literal dark one who was grooming her for his own gain. (no wonder she clung to the brief sense of freedom and control his lessons offered. no wonder she nearly killed herself.)

and while regina suffered, she was forced to play with snow white every day, who was so spoiled, so loved, so happy, and had no idea of the life she had unwittingly trapped regina in.

so yeah, it's all pretty dark.

and it's for all these reasons i think ouat ended up shying away from many more regina backstory episodes centring on the time she was married/pre-evil queen years, because they were on abc after all, and i don't think they were really equipped to deal with the horrendousness of the story they'd created

but lana most certainly did her work becaue i think all of this nuance does show in her portrayal

and it all just makes regina's ending - the good queen, in her own name, safe and strong and loved, part of a true family, her bond with snow healed - so much more of a relief.

#tw abuse #tw rape #regina mills #regina mills meta #anti king leopold #anti cora

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atlasshrugd · 3 years

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Hi seeing as you seem to be the only sorta active britin blog I can find lol I wanted to ask you about some of your favourite moments for them, as I'm kinda new to the fandom whatevers around lol, and would like to hear peoples thoughts on them if you don't mind answering 😊

Hey there! Sorry I am answering so late, but WOW this is a big ask because there are SO many favorite moments.

So I have narrowed it down to my Top 5:

1. Prom (obviously)

Okay this is a no-brainer. This is literally the most romantic sequence in all of television history. I still have not found something more beautiful, moving, triumphant, loving, and groundbreaking than when Brian and Justin danced to 'Save the Last Dance for Me' at prom. Obviously barring the horrific events of what followed, this scene transcended all stereotypes and barriers and allowed us as the viewers to feel pure happiness and pride as queer people. I remember seeing it for the first time at 14 and feeling so unadulteratedly happy and validated. This was a scene of two gay people unapologetically showing the world that they did not give a shit what anyone thought of them. The only thing that mattered was this thing between them; this unspoken understanding, solace, love, and pride. I still moves me to this day whenever I watch it, no matter how many times I do.

And of course we must talk about the implications of Brian's character in this scene. Throughout season 1, he has been an emotionally stunted and cold individual who does not believe in love, relationships, or trying to make other people happy. Here, in the finale, we see Brian finally putting away all his ego bullshit ("I wouldn't be caught dead in a room full of 18 year olds"), and going out of his way to make someone he cares about happy. The fact that he even showed up at Justin's prom is a direct U-turn from the moral principles he has been reinforcing all season. And by dancing to a "ridiculously romantic" corny song, waltzing, and kissing Justin in front of everyone without giving a shit — that is pride. That is one of Brian's long-accustomed walls tumbling down.

"And don't forget whose taking you home and in whose arms you're gonna be..."

2. When they make love for the first time after the bashing

Now these scenes...how do I describe the sheer profundity? After Justin's bashing at prom, Brian is left in shambles. He blames himself for everything, and it is just further proof that Brian's love always causes further destruction. Justin has lost all memory of that night at prom, and this is one of the big tragedies. Justin had promised that he'd never forget it, and that it was the best night of his life. That proof of Brian's love that he had for so long been longing to experience — has disappeared as if it never happened. Now, Justin's confidence and surety of the world has been distorted. He is no longer sure of anything, including himself and Brian. He needs reassurance and things spelled out for him.

When Brian and Justin sleep together for the first time after the bashing, it is not like all the other times they had sex. This, in fact, is the first time they make love. Justin is telling Brian that he trusts him wholeheartedly, enough to allow him in his body again after his own agency had been ripped away from him. This is where Justin absolves Brian of his guilt. He takes the blood-stained scarf off his shoulders, lets it fall to the ground. He gives Brian the forgiveness that Brian cannot offer himself.

"Like the first time?" Brian asks, because it is the anniversary of their first meeting, but at the same time—it is nothing like the first time. Now, they are not strangers. They are more acquainted with each other than they have ever sought to be; know each other in such profound depths. They are forever linked by this thing they have both experienced, but it is not just that shared trauma. It is based off deep understanding and love. They have, somehow along the way, become more each other than themselves. They know that they have become irreplaceable and inseparable parts of each other. And Brian has been holding onto that guilt for so long that it has become rooted deeply within him. SO when Justin absolves him of it, Brian allows himself to truly feel for the first time since the bashing. He gives himself to Justin, in that moment, as Justin gives himself to Brian. It is a brilliant and tender scene of trust, devotion, acceptance, and absolution. Something they both needed to soothe their troubled souls, and a new basis for their relationship.

3. When Brian helps Justin walk down the street after the bashing

Again, this is Brian showing nurturing, care, patience, compassion, and selflessness to another person. Justin trusts him enough to rely on him, and Brian doesn't take this trust lightly. These are some of the sweetest scenes of the whole show, because this is when Brian is completely focused and devoted to Justin. He wants to help him, more than anything, to get better. And he accepts and takes up this role of carer, not because he has to, or because he is obligated or forced to. But because he will do anything to ensure that Justin will be okay, and that he gets the life he deserves.

Specifically, my favorite scene is when the song 'Grand pianos crash together, when my boy walks down the street...' is playing. Justin is walking through a crowd and Brian has his arms outstretched. When they come together, they hug deeply and easily. This scene is so simple and pure, so chaste, but it shows the true essence of their relationship, beyond all the facades and bells and whistles. At the heart of it, Brian and Justin care about each other more than they care about themselves. They have established a stable foundation of trust that they can rely on. And it also perfectly encapsulates just how far Brian has come once again. He is showing such selfless care and devotion to a boy in public daylight, kissing and hugging him and not wanting to let go of his hand. Season 1 Brian would have never even considered that. This just shows how much the events of the prom changed him, and shows how his desire for responsibility of another person has matured him. He had been forced to face his inner feelings, fears, and truths. Now, they are out in the open for the first time and Brian accepts this. This alone is a huge development.

Brian is also afraid to let go of Justin. When Justin says he can walk back himself and says 'Later,' Brian repeats it apprehensively as he holds Justin's hand until he can't anymore. Then, he watches Justin go, walking through the crowds. The look on his face is wistful, a little troubled. He hasn't wanted to face just how much he enjoys Justin's presence and how much happier and content he is when Justin is with him. He hasn't wanted to face just how afraid he is to lose Justin again. Their words of 'Later' are a direct mirror of their last words on prom night, just before Justin got bashed. Brian had watched Justin walk away, too. And a second later, he was gone.

4. Pride

This is probably one of my all-time favorite scenes in television ever. I have cried each time I've seen it. There is something so pure, essential, liberating, triumphant and tender about this scene, and the song that plays (Chiquitita by ABBA) certainly shows it. Firstly, Justin accepts Brian in his entirety and doesn't expect him to change. He knows how much Brian has been devoting to Justin in his recovery, and how strange that role is for Brian. Here, he tells Brian to 'go find a stud, ask him to dance,' — because he knows how much Brian has been sacrificing for him. This alone shows Justin's maturity and inner strength. He loves Brian, so he will not try to change him or shackle him. He wants Brian to be free to choose and live the way he wants, and that is what he fell in love with.

But when Justin shows this sacrifical and detached love for him, Brian realises that there is nothing he wants to do; no one he wants to be with more — than Justin. He is aware of the myriads of choices he has. But he chooses Justin. (Technically, for the first time, perhaps aside from prom. But even at prom, he had been running from something [turning 30]. Here, he chooses Justin without pressure for the first time.)

So, he follows him outside. He ask him "Hey, stud. Wanna dance?" Justin doesn't believe him at first, because he is not used to Brian choosing him by his own volition. He cannot imaging Brian passing up getting laid, especially after being celibate for the whole day. He also feels like a burden; like Justin's recovery has been inflicted on Brian, stopping him from living his life normally. Justin loves Brian enough to let him be free, but the biggest part? Brian loves Justin enough to choose him in that freedom.

So this marks another checkpoint in their relationship. Not only is there trust, understanding, and love — there is also desire. Sure, they have always desired each other. But this desire is not the physical kind or one born out of loneliness. This is desire for the other person as a whole. This is desiring another person's company because theirs is the only company you want. This is desiring to be with someone when there are so many other options. This is real desire — the kind that originates from the heart and not the flesh.

"I promise you won't forget this one." Brian is promising Justin that this dance will be theirs, just theirs. Not to stick it to anyone, to show anyone anything, to make some kind of point, or to make somebody happy. This dance is theirs, for the reason that Brian wants Justin to have this: this moment where Brian only wants Justin, where he dances with him simply because he wants to. And he wants Justin to have this memory, to overcome all the vague blurriness of their past. He wants this dance to be the one he remembers when he questions himself. And so they dance, and they sway, and they kiss, and they press their heads together, and the lights are bright and colored on Liberty Avenue, and everywhere people are free and joyful, and there is nothing to prove, no one to run from, nothing to hide. Their arms are wrapped around each other and the sound of 'You'll be dancing once again...and the pain will end...you will have no time for grieving...' tumbles through the air and all around them. 'But the sun is still in the sky and shining above you.' Now: there is nothing to be afraid of, and everyday life is full of reasons to be alive. To be proud.

5. Their reunification

This is one of their main checkpoints. This scene is the moment they finally become equals. Justin had left Brian for the reason that Brian could not give him what he needed to be happy, which was: reassurance. After the bashing, Justin lost all sense of who he was. There was a huge gap in his memory, therefore a huge part of himself he could not claim. He had lost partial use of his dominant hand which took away the only thing that gave him solace; his drawing ability. He was no longer sure of anything and needed things spelled out for him. He needed to talk about it.

But Brian was not willing to do that, because he himself was struggling with trauma from the incident that he did not want to face. Where his love language is in acts of service (letting Justin live with him, paying for his tuition, helping him recover) — Justin needed to hear the words. He needed verbal affirmation to prove that he wasn't crazy and just projecting his feelings onto Brian. He could no longer trust his own perception and interpretation of things whereas in the past he could read Brian's mixed signals easily without needing confirmation. This is the part Brian failed to understand. He was not willing to concede his identified notions of 'relationships' and 'love' — no matter how far he came. He had not accepted that his feelings for Justin were love, and that scared him. So he refused to compromise with Justin, believing that his actions were enough when they weren't. But all Justin needed was to be heard, and for someone to love him enough to give hime what he needed sometimes (which was, verbal and emotional affirmation).

So their relationship ended, and Justin thought he could get what he needed from Ethan, which proved to be another big lie. So at the end, Justin still cannot trust his own perception, but — he finally knows what he wants.

He comes to the realization that while Brian could not give him the words, he gave him honesty. He learned from Ethan that words without action had no meaning. So he prioritized what mattered more to him: hearing that Brian loved him? Or, knowing that Brian loved him. So he chose honesty.

And this is when they could get back together without that imbalance and insecurity.

"And you are never to play violin music in my presence again." This single line is the only thing Brian needed to say to indicate to Justin that he was hurt by Justin leaving. Brian has been putting up a front of indifference for their entire break up, only indulging in pain management in private. Justin leaving him irrefutably hurt him more than he could have ever anticipated. But he did not show it.

So, Justin smiles — a little nod of awareness — because that is all Brian needed to say. And he says, "I promise."

"And it's time...that we...grow old and so some shit..." plays in the background (Lover's Spit) as they start to undress each other, because they are now on the same playing field. They have no illusions, misunderstandings, and misinterpretations anymore. They are starting anew; a little older and a little wiser than before. Brian knows how painful it is to lose Justin. Justin knows how skewed his perception had been, because he had been so caught up in his isolation that he could not see the truth of Brian's actions.

But they both know at least one thing: that life is better together than apart.

Tbh I could go ON and write a dissertation about each of these individual scenes, but I hope this made sense and gave a little more insight on these scenes and characters. Thank you for the great question!

#queer as folk #ask #britin #qaf #brian kinney #justin taylor #brian x justin #mine

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creepling · 3 years

Text

am i not enough? (quackity x reader) - apocalypse!AU

( 。・_・。)人(。・_・。 ) | part of the @quackisinnit 1k event !

THE PROMPT IS . . . “ AM I NOT ENOUGH ? “

pairing: irl!quackity x genderneutral!reader (apocalypse!AU)

word count: 3,306

summary: the reader and alex become a duo while coming across each others paths during a zombie apocalypse. tensions rise as they set up camp in a warehouse, where alex begins to confess how he feels towards the reader. (angst into fluff <33)

tw: zombie apocalypse, blood (ment), cursing, guns, death, eating.

It had been three months since the fallen of mundane life. Three months of complete abnormality, everything known to be in existence that was worth caring about; completely gone. jobs, currency, education were becoming a historic relic. The world was put back to zero. Instead of cavemen and dinosaurs, the new species of flesh-eating corpse’s roamed in packs and seeked for fresh meat. They may have been slow, but they travelled in numbers and they could smell you from a mile away. I learned that your scent became less of a problem when you didn’t keep hygenic. My stence blended with the earth and blood and the roamers didn’t catch us out as much; so we used that to our advantage.

I only had one companion, his name was Alex. He was absolutely dumbfounded when I discovered him. I raided his abandoned home looking for supplies, and when I had to kill a roamer that vacaded in his bedroom; I found him curled up in a ball under his bed. He told me that he had been hiding the whole month when he realised help was to never come; so his only plan was to hide out until he ran out of supplies. That became a problem when I attempted to take them. We made the mutual agreement that if I was to take the supplies, he would come with me. I refused to stay and hide; that is how you get yourself killed. Thankfully he agreed to come with me, and we have been inseperable ever since. However, our bond is nothing close to a friendship, we just had to stick together to survive.

Alex’s main idea was to find a group, hoping by now someone had turned one of the surbubans into a mini civilization. We had travelled between three cities however and we found no sign of good company. As a duo, we have only killed one human within these three months. A man who tried to kill us at gunpoint in hopes of taking our things, to which we scarsely saved our lives by ducking behind a bar table. With one aimless shoot, I shot my gun and it pierced through the man’s chest. I saved our lives, but the sight of the man’s lifeless eyes still haunts me in my sleep.

One night, Alex found a two-store warehouse to shelter in while on a supply run. He suggested we camp on the second floor and catch up on our sleep and starvation, since we eventually got ahold of sleeping bags and tinned food. I agreed, but reminded him the stay can’t be perminant. He agreed also, still fixated on the idea of finding a commune.

While I made a fire and cooked food, I obvserved Alex drawing in a notepad. I failed to make out what he was doing so I asked, “What are you drawing?”

“I’m trying to draw a map.” He said to me, “It’s not accurate, but it will give us a rough idea of the roads until we find a map.”

“I didn’t take you as a smart person.” I said, hoping he didn’t think I meant it seriously. It was rare for me to joke in times like these, but when I did, my humour came off dry. Thankfully, my comment made Alex scoff out a chuckle.

“And I didn’t take you for a fighter.” Alex said. Since being with each other for two months, we both naturally adopted different roles that benefitted us. Alex was the navigator, the finder; he seemed to have a good sense of direction and I relied on him to not get lost. He also had a good eye and was always good at finding things such as second-way exits or food hiding in obscure places. For me, my job was a lot more physical. I was a good shoot, I knew how to make a fireplace, or bandage a wound. When things got dirty, I would get lucky and save our asses.

“Your food’s ready.” I said, handing him his warm can of chicken soup and a packet of chips. He thanked me, putting his notebook down and sitting cross-legged beside me. As we ate we sat in silence, the only sounds in the warehouse being our mouths chewing the food. We hadn’t ate in nearly a week. I tried my best to chew my chips before swallowing so I didn’t end up with stomache pain, but the instant flavour shot through my tongue and I instinctly ate them quickly. Alex finished his food within minutes, licking the chip packet and his fingers; scraping every last bit of soup from the can and into his mouth. I reluctantly did the same, feeling a little embarrassed; I have never felt so starved in my life.

“That was fucking amazing.” Alex sighed out, now heating his hands over the fire. I nodded in agreement, collecting the empty tin cans and keeping them next to our things. They will be handy for traps, tying them with strings and hanging them in the woods while hunting would let us know of intruders. It was the small things like that that has made us survive this long.

“Are you gonna go to sleep now? I could keep watch.” I offered, observing Alex’s bloodshot eyes. If we had mirrors, we would flinch at our reflections. Alex looked rough. He always wore his beanie, which he apparently did even before things got bad. He always had a collective spot of dirt on his nose and cheekbones no matter how clean we were, it’s where it always collected the most. His hands were the most dirty, dirt under his short nails and inbetween his fingers. From the rare occasions we touched hands, I felt the softness of his hands, compared to mine that felt aged and rough. His knuckles were stained with blood. Out of both of us, I was covered in the most blood. When I looked down, my hands had a reddish tint, observing more I could see small cuts on my hands from being idle with my knife when striking roamer’s heads. Without having to see, I knew I had sprays of blood on my face from the amount of times I killed roamers. To think when life was normal we cared so much about our appearence, but now activities like doing makeup, brushing your hair, brushing your teeth seemed so pointless. We were slowly becoming used to primitive life and deep down that scared me. I think it scared Alex too.

“I’m tired as fuck, but I know I won’t sleep.” Alex said in a low tone, looking at his hands full of shame. I nodded my head in understanding, knowing exactly how he was feeling. We hadn’t slept properly in months, instead when one person kept watch, the other just lay down with their eyes closed. We forgot what it was like to dream, or to feel hazy. We were constantly alert.

“Since we have no intention of sleeping. Why don’t we play a game?” Alex said. I cocked my eyebrow up in question. What game could we play that didn’t involve making noise and attracting attention?

“We ask each other 20 questions. Normally if you don’t want to answer a question- you would have to do a dare. But hey, wants the point in hiding nowadays?” Alex said, looking at me contently.

“We should be hiding ourselves more than ever, I think.” I said, adding fuel to the fire to keep it burning. “That way no one knows our weaknesses.”

“So you don’t trust me?” Alex said. His question threw me off. It’s not that I didn’t trust him, but maybe I was unwilling to get to know him. I had already lost the people close to me, and I was still in grieving. I was too afraid to get close with Alex. I always had the thought in the back of my head that one day, I might end up losing him. His intelligence may only get him so far.

“I understand.” Alex said, taking back his question. Seeing the hurt in my eyes, he must have realized what I was thinking. He lost his close ones too. We both lost so much, we had a mutual understanding about that. Yet, I looked at Alex, and he still felt like a mystery to me. He always pulled out jokes, even in times like these. However, in moments when he thought I wasn’t looking, I could see the pain concealed in his face. Sometimes I even heard him cry at night when he thought I was sleeping. Maybe it was about time we opened up to each other, instead of feeling like we need to suffer alone. We could be there for each other not just physically, but emotionally.

“Okay then, since it was your idea, you ask the first question.” I said, hugging my legs to my chest. Alex smiled a little at me, going into thought as he tried to think of a question.

“So, what did you do when life was normal?” He asked first.

I let out a sigh then replied, “I had a very normal life. Lived with my family, did average in school, worked a job to get money. I actually had plans of moving out to the city, I always wanted to go to LA. I never really had aspirations, just wanted to be content.” It sounded boring, but I was happy with my life. I had my ups and downs like everyone else. “What were you like?”

Alex smirked and looked away from me, seeming to become bashful. “I was a twitch streamer.” He said. “And had a Youtube channel. God- it sounds so stupid now that I say it. Like it was all pointless-”

“Were you like- famous?” I asked, trying to conceal a smile.

“Um- I guess you could say that. I had millions of followers.” Alex shook his head, “But I also went to college. I was studying law. I was always staying up late, barely sleeping; both studying and streaming all the time. It took up my whole life, that I just kinda forgot about everything else.”

“Well, you were obviously not famous, because I didn’t know who you were.” I jokingly said, nudging his side. That seemed to make him smile and feel less embarassed.

“So how the hell did you learn how to shoot if you lived such a normal life?” He asked.

“I just learned while doing it. My dad kept a gun.” I admitted, looking at the very same gun I had in the holster wrapped around my thigh. “He would teach me now and then how to use it, but I was never a shooter. The more roamers I shot, the more I got used to it.” Thinking about someone close to me made me chew the inside of my cheek anxiously.

To deflate my melancholy, I asked the next question. “Did you always wear that stupid hat?”

Alex chuckled and rubbed the top of his hat. “Yeah, twenty-four seven. I don’t why, I just find it comfortable. My “fans” would joke that I was bald because I never showed my hair.” He said, “God- saying the word fans sounds fucked up . . .”

“Maybe you’ll bump into one of them.” I said, “Heck- maybe there’s a commune right now dedicated to you, trying to find you and keep you safe.”

Alex laughed again, covering his face with his hands. I laughed alongside him, the first time I genuinely laughed in a good few weeks. Looking at Alex, seeing how I uplifted him, it struck a chord with me. As much as I didn’t like to show it, but he made affects on me that were indescribable. He made me feel just a little more contempt, without him I would probably not be able to cope for this long. We eventually locked eyes with each other, Alex’s gaze being longer than I expected. If it wasn’t for the blood, my face would have exposed the blush forming on my cheeks.

“Have you ever fell in love, (Y/N)?” Alex then asked me, which set me aback. The question was out the blew and I think Alex realised that as he looked away shyly, his gaze fixated on the flames of the fire to avoid my gaze. I still stared at him, almost in amazment, trying to conjuct a reasonable answer.

“I don’t know.” I answered. “I have loved people, yes, but- I don’t think I have been in love. You’re suppose to know when things like that happen, right?”

Alex didn’t answer me, he kept staring at the fire. I found myself admiring his side profile, watching how he slowly bit his lip; concealed in thought. I noticed how the glow of the flames contrasted with the darkness of his eyes, how the light outlined his complexion. When I realized I was staring for too long, I looked away, instead my eyes looked out the warehouse window, my eyes tracing the stars in the night sky.

“I feel like I have known you forever.” Alex admitted all at once. “It’s only been two months, but I have gotten close to you more than anyone I have in my whole life. It might sound crazy but- I believe we were suppose to come together that day.”

My gaze turned back to Alex when I felt his eyes lay upon me. His stare was soft, something I only seen in passing times. I was able to admire him for the first time since we met. In this moment, in the dead of night, away from danger and suspicion; I could look at him with full sentiment. I didn’t need to admire him when he was less suspecting it, afraid of receiving decline or making things awkward. In this moment I realized, I may have developed feelings more than companionship towards him. That excited me. But also terrified me.

“I feel that way with you, Alex.” I admitted, “But . . .”

I decided to choose my words carefully. This conversation was heading in a direction that made me nervous. The world is falling apart around us, and I couldn’t help but question our motives. We should be focusing on survival, not developing a relationship that could be destroyed at any second. Once we step out this warehouse, our chances of losing our lives become high. I wasn’t prepared to damage my mental state, it was already bad enough. I realized my long pause was making Alex shift nervously, so I looked at him in hopes my words would slip from my mouth.

I caved in, muttering lowly, “We should get some rest.” I got up on my feet and was ready to grab my sleeping bag and make up a place to rest, until I heard Alex get his his feet and say words that made my heart sink.

“Am I not enough?”

When I turned to look at him, the hurt was glistening in his eyes. He gulped dryly and he fumbled with his fingers. My eyes shifted from side to side as I was stuck with my words. I kept stammering, and I rubbed my face in stress, ready to plead my case. Until Alex jumped in.

“Don’t think I’m only saying these things to you because there is no one else, (Y/N). I have been thinking about this for a while, everytime I am left with my thoughts. I am certain I will still have the same feelings if we met when things didn’t go to shit. I don’t just think this because we have been the only people for each other. I really really like you, (Y/N). And because of the way the world is, I never want to lose you. I never want you to feel alone ever again. I not only want to protect you because we’re a team, I want to protect you because the thought of losing you pains me so much.”

For a split second I thought Alex was about to burst into tears. That was when I did something I thought I would never do again, which was pull him into my embrace. I hugged Alex so tight that I heard him gasp, freeze, until he eventually wrapped his arms around me and held me just as tight. My face buried into the crook of his neck, feeling the warmth of his body, his soft hands caressing my back and brushing his thumb down my spine in a soothing manner.

“You are enough, Alex.” I said, my words muffled by his body. I reached my lips to his ear so he could hear my words clearly. “I just didn’t want you to feel like you had to like me, or be forced to like me just because we were brought together. I was afraid you thought you were stuck with me.”

I anticipated the day that once we meet other life, Alex would slowly fade away and forget who I was. Once he meets other people, we would go our seperate ways. I never knew why the hypothetical idea pained me so much, until now. As Alex pulled away from my embrace, looking me in the eyes in a loving manner that was foreign to me, his hands on my shoulders, I realized why that idea made my heart feel heavy. I never want him to leave me, I want him to always be by my side. Alex’s gaze was enough proof that he wanted the same.

Stimulated by his touch, I was taken aback when I felt his hand cup my cheek. The warmth of his breath breezing against my cheek, I inhaled as if oxygene was nonexistent. I never realized the proximity between us was slowly closing in and when I did my eyes fluttered shut. Alex hesitated for a split second before pressing his soft lips against my own. My neck bent slightly backwards and I shifted my head to the side to deepen into our kiss, my blood-stained hands grabbing the edges of his open jacket and holding him dearly close. The heat of the kiss intermingled with the heat from the fire, my cheeks and ears grew hot. Alex’s hands were surprisingly warm as he reached his hands under my shirt, pressing his fingers and palms on the middle of my back before running his touch down my spine. My breath became shaky and I felt my legs grow heavy under me, my hands cupped the back of his neck to keep myself uplifted, and luckily Alex’s arms held my weight and pressed my body against his. It felt like hours had went by between our lips moving in sync, our tongues grazing our bottom lip’s, our hands moving and resting on different parts of our bodies. His touch felt contagious, his kisses ranging between soft and passionate. I didn’t want to stop, I never wanted to let go. Between kisses I would mutter you are enough, you are enough which made Alex smile against my lips.

That night, everything we had to worry about became last priority. The focus all throughout was each other, making up for the days where affection couldn’t be shown. In the dead of night, there wasn’t a roamer in sight. Instead of hearing narls and groans or screams of pain, there was only the faint sounds of nature. The full moon glistened, as if to be a prediction for the emotions spilling between us. I promised myself from this moment on, as I admired Alex, I would protect him no matter what. I will make sure he always feels safe as long as he is beside me. He will always be enough, if not more.

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tenthgrove · 3 years

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Yandere La Squadra- Formaggio, Melone, and Ghiaccio

Warning: It goes without saying that these headcanons are darker than my usual stuff, so if you are uncomfortable with ideas such as abduction and forced relationships, beware I go into them here. Extreme violent abuse and non-con (beyond low-level touching) are not present, however, since I don’t write for these themes.

Formaggio

Formaggio falls for someone he meets by chance, most likely somewhere like a bar, bowling alley or cinema. Regardless, after a couple of random encounters in which he gets to briefly chat with you, Formaggio starts to seek you out on purpose. It isn’t long before he starts to develop a crush.

However, despite Formaggio’s attempts to come off as friendly you soon start to take him for a creep. You begin to consciously avoid him, going as far as to stop going to the places he tends to find you.

After a brief period of feeling spurned, Formaggio comes to realise that his initial hopes for a normal relationship were never very viable anyway. Say you’d accepted his early advances and gone on a few dates? How long until you start to question his friends and work life? No, the only way this is going to work is if he takes the more drastic route and abducts you.

Formaggio gets your living details with the help of those in the squad more suited to that kind of task. He doesn’t tell them why he needs to know all this. After a short period of stalking you in his car to memorise your routine, he forms his plan. He knows convincing you to come with him will be hard, but he doesn’t want to hurt you either. It seems he’ll have to rely on trickery to make you follow him blind.

Late one evening while you’re home alone, Formaggio sets fire to your neighbour’s house. As you run out the front door, panicked and confused, you don’t question the friendly voice promising to drive you to safety. You climb right into Formaggio’s car. By the time it dawns on you what’s really going on a few minutes later, it’s already far too late.

Formaggio eventually wants to have as close to a normal relationship with you as possible, but until you can be trusted not to run from him you’re going to be (loosely) chained to his bed. Look, he fixed his TV and even *cleaned up* for you! Would a shitty boyfriend do all that?

Tries to bribe you into forgiving him with food. Even if you give him the silent treatment, he’ll plonk himself down next to you and throw an arm around your shoulder, occasionally stuffing snacks into your mouth to feel like he’s treating you.

If you misbehave lightly, he’ll make a show of not being bothered by it, thinking his forgiveness will convince you he’s not that bad after all. However, if you’re really uncompliant, Formaggio will shrink you down until you apologise, always showering you with affection once you’ve swallowed your pride and told him what he wants to hear.

Secretly, Formaggio is excited by the possibility of you trying to escape and having to be dragged back. Once or twice, he might ‘accidentally’ leave the key to your chain on the nightstand, letting you have a few blissful hours of freedom before he takes you back. He’ll only punish you lightly, however, since he did set you up for this after all.

All-in-all, Formaggio can’t wait for the day you return his affections, and will woo you over in whatever corny ways he can think of.

Melone

Melone is the sort of yandere to make the conscious decision to seek out a darling before he even has anyone in mind. With all his eccentric beliefs in astronomy and other personality pseudosciences, it’s only natural Melone would believe his special someone is out there just waiting for him to find them.

After having investigated several dozen candidates who he for one reason or another rejected, he finally lays eyes on you while stalking someone you know. It’s love at first sight, and as he lays in bed at night perusing all your social media profiles, he can’t find a single thing that doesn’t compound his earlier suspicions. He’s finally found you. His soulmate.

You are granted a few blessed final weeks of normalcy before Melone acts. This time is used to set up the room that will accommodate you. It is furnished with a lavish double bed, a large collection of clothes (Melone insists that regularly changing your clothes, even if you aren’t moving around much, will provide a sense of routine that will help with your mental health), a safe filled with various medicines to mediate your mood, and several forms of restraints that are various extents of restrictive, to be switched between depending on your behaviour.

What the room doesn’t have are windows- they’ve been completely bricked up. Your room is also padded wall to wall with sound-absorbent foam. Nothing from the outside world comes in, nothing goes out. Until you love him, your entire life will consist of Melone and this room.

When the time comes to take you, Melone will break into your house and drug you in your sleep, so that you’re completely unaware of what’s happening until you’re safely in your new home. He will sit at your bedside non-stop until you wake up, adamant to be the first thing you see when your new life begins.

The first few months of living with Melone are essentially a covert form of behavioural training. When you are nice to your new boyfriend, your life gets better. When you shun him, you stay at the current level of restrictions on your freedom. It is simple psychology that this will inevitably lead you to accept him more.

If, say, you were to misbehave extremely, such as by consistently trying to run away or physically attack him, then the ultimate punishment would be forcing you to create a junior that then becomes your guard. Although Melone will take every precaution to make sure no harm comes to you from your new child, he knows you will not enjoy the process, or the presence of the freakish being that calls you its parent.

Eventually, once you have a consistent track record of many months of good behaviour, Melone intends to let you live practically as freely as you did when you met him, even letting you leave the house regularly for hours at a time without supervision. However, even when you have no use for the room he initially kept you in and are no longer forced to be there, he won’t get rid of it. He enjoys looking back on those tender first months of having you. You won’t ever make him put you back there, will you?

Ghiaccio

Ghiaccio holds his affections close to his heart, and for that reason, he will most likely fall in love with a childhood friend, or someone else he has a prior fondness for. Perhaps after a number of years out of contact, you suddenly move into his vicinity without knowing it. Ghiaccio sees you through the window of a café and is instantly struck with all the feelings he repressed from his youth.

In the coming weeks, Ghiaccio is filled with an intense paranoia. He wants to have you, to at very least be able to let you know he’s there, but he’s terrified of you getting hurt. Wait, do his enemies already know about you? That aside, will someone as weak as you *ever* be safe in a city like this? Ghiaccio knows he would never forgive himself if anything happened to you. That means he can’t sit still until he makes sure he does something about it.

Even still, your abduction is an impulse. That’s not to say he didn’t consider the idea before, even going as far as to make some casual preparations like getting new locks for the front door and spare room. However, he never had a concrete plan. All that convinced him to take you was a sleepless night. After several hours of tossing and turning, head filled with terrified thoughts of something bad happening to you, he decided he needed you *now*.

Ghiaccio doesn’t have much of a plan, but being so much stronger than you he doesn’t really need one. He bursts through the door of your house and drags you to his car, frantic explanations of what’s going on doing little to calm your terror. Freezing over your lips and wrists with ice, he puts you in the trunk and drives you home.

Ghiaccio tries his best to be patient and accommodating with you. He lets your room be your private space and doesn’t force physical contact on you, though he’ll occasionally plead with you to let him hold you when he’s feeling stressed. He dreams of the day you’ll stop being scared of him and he can have you whenever he wants.

Spends a lot of time trying to justify his actions. But even if you run away, he can’t bring himself to hurt you. Instead, he’ll bind you to a chair in his basement and rant for what feels like hours about how this is all for your own good, and you just don’t see that. He ends up practically begging for you to just stay with him without a fight.

The process of wooing you over is a lot of trial and error, inviting you to do activities with him he recalls you liking and encouraging you to be emotionally open with him. Eventually, through the sheer force of time, his efforts become successful and you start to reciprocate his affections.

However, given Ghiaccio’s paranoia it’s unlikely you’ll ever be able to go anywhere further than the corner shop without his supervision. It’s not that he doesn’t trust you, he’s just terrified of something happening to you. That said, he feels bad about restricting your freedom and will work hard to give you a good life.

#la squadra #la squadra x reader #formaggio #formaggio x reader #melone #melone x reader #ghiaccio #ghiaccio x reader #yandere cw

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