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feudalconnection · 1 year

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Get Ready...!!

It’s the start of the 1st Term 2023 Inuyasha Fandom Awards!!

We hope everyone has had a fantastic holiday season! A huge shout-out to everyone who participated last quarter and made it such a huge success! We look forward to all of the amazing new fanfiction and fanart to be nominated and shared with this beautiful community!

As noted during last quarter, @elevenharbor has joined on as our wonderful banner creator! We welcome her and all her beautiful talent that has produced amazing banners for you lovely people! (If you have not received your award banner for last quarter, please reach out to one of the mods asap!)

The major change coming to these awards starting this term is that they will no longer be hosted four times per year. Up until this point, the moderators have only had short breaks in between quarters and it has put a strain on the mod-team. Not only that, but the mod-team believes spacing out the terms will allow more creations to be nominated and allow you as nominees to enjoy more works of fiction and art. So moving forward, these awards will be held in January, May, and September! We hope this change will assist in making these awards more enjoyable for all.

There have been some changes to the categories as well that may effect you as nominators. Every category has been reviewed by the mod-team in detail, so we encourage you to re-read every category to see if there are any changes. Mostly it was to better clarify the definitions. However, some major changes included the following:

The Fanfiction Roulette Category for this term will be Best Mental Illness/Disability Depiction. This is defined as: Stories that accurately depict, and explore, some sort of mental or physical disability or struggle.

The Best Kiss Fanart category’s definition has now changed to include platonic kisses. It is now defined as: Fanart depiction of the best kiss between two romantic characters or an endearing kiss between platonic characters.

Best Traditional Artwork is being pulled as a category due to low levels of nominations in the past. It is still in the running to come back as a roulette category in the future. However, with this category being pulled, we are now opening up a Roulette Category for Artwork. This term, the artwork Roulette category will be Best Fluff Artwork. This is defined as: Artwork depicting a positive and happy moment. Generally includes cheerful themes.

The Best Romance Artwork categories are also getting an overhaul to reflect closer to fanfiction categories. This was in part due to participation levels as well as the kind of artwork seen being nominated. We now have the three following categories for artwork:

- Best InuKag Romance Artwork - Any romantic depiction of Inuyasha and Kagome. - Best SessKag Romance Artwork - Any romantic depiction of Sesshomaru and Kagome. - Best Romance Artwork - Any romantic depiction of two of the characters of Inuyasha (excluding InuKag and SessKag)

If it was not mentioned above, chances are it hasn’t changed. Please be aware that the moderators always take suggestions regarding how the awards are run and category changes into consideration, and each term may bring about new changes. You can read up on the most recent FAQs, Rules of Eligibility, and Categories for more information [these links are only available on desktop]

As nominators, please make sure that each term you take a peek at our list of creators who can’t be nominated to make sure you are staying current with who is eligible to be nominated.

The 1st Term 2023 nomination period will begin January 1st and go until the end of the day January 15th. Please send your nominations in through the submit button! If you have any other questions or concerns, please don’t hesitate to send in an ask or reach out to one of the mods! We are also frequently available on the FC Discord.

Mods: @classysassy9791 @ruddcatha @umacaking @yukinon-writes

Please reblog to spread the word of the start of the new quarter!

Mobile-friendly version of this term’s current nominations can be found here

[Below the cut we’ve posted the mobile-friendly FAQs, Rules of Eligibility, and Categories]

FAQs

What is The Feudal Connection?

The Feudal Connection is a place where amazing fanart and fanfiction in the Inuyasha fandom is recognized, admired, and offered the chance to be nominated for an award! In addition, it also gives lesser known authors and artists an opportunity to have their work shared to a broader extent and receive the admiration and recognition they deserve!

How do you determine which fanfictions and fanarts are nominated?

The Feudal Connection is fueled by nominations submitted by the Inuyasha community. Once someone sends in a nomination, the moderators review the nomination to verify that it complies with the rules in place. None of the pieces nominated are by “suggestions”. They are specific pieces of work nominated by members of the community.

How do I nominate?

You can send us a submission in one of our nomination formats. Your submission will not be posted and therefore remain anonymous, only to be seen by the moderators. You can send multiple nominations in one submission, as long as the nomination formats are used for each nomination. Please select your fiction nominations carefully; spelling and grammar are important parts of being an author. Anything deemed unacceptable by the moderator team will be disqualified. Once nominations are complete, we’ll post the list of accepted nominations so you can read and view them before voting.

Can I nominate my own art/fiction?

You cannot nominate yourself. Doing so will result in the nomination not being accepted and a warning from the award moderators.

How long do I have to nominate?

You will have 2 weeks from the start of the nominating quarter to send in nominations. These dates will be posted at the beginning of each quarter.

Can I nominate anonymously?

No. This is due to the fact that no one is allowed to nominate their own work. Also, if a nomination is disqualified, the moderators will be reaching out to the person who nominated to allow them another opportunity to nominate.

Can I promote my own works of fiction/art to be nominated for a quarter?

No. You are not allowed to self-promote your own work during the nomination period. This includes not being allowed to request others to nominate your work in specific categories. However, you are allowed to promote the nomination period of the awards by stating something similar to “go nominate your favorites” or the like, as long as you don’t promote your own work to being nominated. Violation of this rule will result in a warning. If there is a second offense, your work will be banned from being nominated in any future quarters.

How many fanfics/fanarts can I nominate?

Only one fiction or artwork can be chosen for each category per person. Meaning, a story or artwork can only be nominated by one person per category. Therefore, any secondary nominations will be disregarded and the duplicate nominator will be allowed to submit another story or artwork in its place.

Is there a limit to how many works can be nominated per category?

Yes. Only 10 fictions or artwork can be nominated per category. Once that category has reached its nomination limit, no more nominations will be accepted into that category for the current quarter.

What fanfiction/fanart is eligible to be nominated?

Please see Rules of Eligibility.

What is the nominating format for fanfics? For fanart?

Nominating format for fanfiction:

Category: (List the name of the category you’ve chosen)

Nominated by: (List YOUR screen name)

Rating: (The fiction’s rating)

Title: (Title of the fiction)

Author: (List the name of the person who wrote the story)

Website(s): (Add the link where the story can be seen)

(For Best “In-Character” list the character’s name): (For Best “Plot Twist” list the plot twist and the chapter it happens in):

Nominating format for fanart:

Category: (List the name of the category you’ve chosen)

Nominated by: (List YOUR screen name)

Title: (Title of the artwork)

Artist: (List the name of the person that drew the piece)

Website(s): (Add the link where the art can be seen)

Can I nominate a fanfic/fanart for more than one category?

Yes. The same story or artwork may be nominated by the same person in up to two different categories.

Are there any restrictions in regards to romantic pairings being nominated?

Due to the harmful nature of incest, these awards do not recognize InuSess as a pairing that is allowed to be nominated. Please see the Yashahime tab for information regarding the SessRin pairing.

What are the categories?

The categories for both fanart and fanfiction can be found in the Categories link.

Can I nominate a fanart/fanfic that includes Original Characters or Crossover Characters?

Yes. For Fanfics, 80% of the story needs to be focused on Inuyasha characters and the development of the story. OC’s can be in a story, but the main focus needs to be on the Inuyasha characters. Artwork can contain Non-IY characters where specified, but NO art may contain only OC’s or Non-IY characters. (i.e. Artwork of Inuyasha and Kagome’s “OC children” are unacceptable without other genuine IY characters present in the piece)

How do I nominate a piece that has multiple authors or creators?

If multiple people are listed as the author or creators, please verify who created the piece, as some may simply be listed because it was a gift to that person; and please include this verification in your nomination (ie: simply state that you verified that these contributors all had a hand in creating the piece).

If it is a true collaborations between multiple people, they all would go in as one creator. This means that each person would be listed as the creator and the nomination would count toward each creator’s nomination limit.

For example, if a creator was nominated for a collaboration and two other separate works, only the collaboration and one of the other works would be accepted for that creator, depending on which nominations came in first.

I don’t want my fanart/fanfic nominated. Can I opt out? How?

Once a nomination has been approved by the moderators, the author/artist will be made aware of the nomination. Every author/artist retains the right to have their work be removed from the nomination list and can opt out of future nominations.

If you do allow your fanart to be nominated, you are also allowing the moderators to save your work in order to use it strictly during the voting period of the quarter. Once the quarter is completed, the artwork is then removed from the moderators’ personal use.

How many quarters are there?

There will be 4 quarters total per year. Each quarter will be broken down by dates prior to the quarter starting.

How long is each quarter?

Each quarter will be approximately 8 weeks.

How long is the voting period?

The voting period will last for 2 weeks.

How do I vote?

Once the voting period begins, the moderators will post a link to the voting form that will list all of the nominations and which categories they have been nominated for. You can click on the link to be taken to the voting poll, however, you must sign in as you will be allowed only one vote per category.

When are the winners announced?

At the end of each quarter.

What happens if my fanfic/fanart wins? Do I need to do anything?

Please send one of the moderators or the FeudalConnection ask box your preferred email address so that we may send you your award(s) as soon as possible. Afterward, just kick back, relax, and enjoy the feeling of being recognized for your hard work!

I want to nominate an artist/author who has won in the past. Are they still eligible to be nominated?

There is a Winner Ban in place. Once any piece of artwork or fanfiction has won a First Place award for a category, it automatically becomes ineligible and cannot be nominated again for that category. However, it can be nominated for other categories after three consecutive quarters have passed (ie: one year since that piece won) as long as it fits within that definition. We currently do not have a rule against nominating an author/artist back into the category they won for in the past, as long as it is a different piece of work that is being nominated.

The Winner Ban does not apply to works that have won Second or Third place in any category.

Why are the nomination/voting lists not in alphabetical order?

This is inherently due to keeping FeudalConnection as highly functional as possible. Spending more time on this takes away time from other necessary things that make FC run.

People may choose the first option of each category just to say they voted. During the entire of FC’s existence, the collected data has never shown the support for the first listed nomination of a category to be favorited simply for being the first listed. The moderators have kept a very close eye on this during the three years FC has been running. The voting poll never demands an answer for every single category, giving people the freedom to simply skip that category if they don’t want to vote.

But its easy to place them in alphabetical order on an excel sheet. We use Google Sheets, and this is possible, however, it would not do this unless we highlighted each category individually. This process would take more time, and leave less time for shifting through nominations.

Why not split up the nominations per moderator? Splitting the nominations by mods seems ideal, but is not realistic. The moderators each live a life outside of FC, as well as have their own creative endeavors. The moderators are not always 100% available for every part of FC’s current quarter, and other mods may need to pick up the slack.

I have a question that’s not listed.

Please feel free to send an ask or a direct message to one of our mods and we will get back to you as soon as possible! :)

Rules of Eligibility

Fiction and Fanart published on any public or free site can be submitted for an award provided they meet all of the requirements of the nominations. These sites include but are not limited to Tumblr, Fanfiction.net, AO3, Deviantart, ect. If the validity of a site is uncertain, reach out to a moderator.

Multi-chapter fics must have been updated within the past 3 years of the nomination quarter. Fanart must have been created within the past 3 years of the nomination quarter. One-shots and drabbles must have been posted within the past 3 years of the nomination quarter.

If the work was posted onto several different locations, the earliest date and time stamp will be taken and checked against the quarter’s period of eligibility. Stamps posted within reviews can be used to date a work and/or its chapters. Also, authors and artists can be contacted to verify timeframes.

You cannot nominate yourself. Doing so will result in the nomination not being accepted and a warning from the award moderators.

You are only allowed to nominate one fic/fanart per category.

Each piece of Art or Fanfiction is allowed to be nominated into a maximum of two different categories per quarter. The nominations will be taken on a first come first serve basis, meaning that once a piece of Art or Fanfiction is nominated into two categories, it will not be allowed to be nominated into other categories, and each subsequent nomination will be rejected.

Each author/artist is allowed to be nominated twice per quarter. Meaning, an author/artist can only have a max of two of their creations be nominated per quarter. So be sure and pick your favorites carefully!

The work must be in compliance with the definition of the category into which it was nominated.

Both adult and non-adult artwork are acceptable for nominations; however, any adult artwork showing explicit sexual nature will only be allowed to be nominated into the NSFW categories.

Pieces of artwork or fanfiction that depicts an underage character romantically involved with an older adult, as well as any incestual relationships, will not be accepted as a nomination.

Categories

*Please keep in mind that these are subject to change pending participation and suggestions.

There are 36 categories in all - 18 for Fanfiction and 18 for Fanart. Please adhere to each categories’ definition when nominating. If a nomination does not fit within the definition, it will be disqualified.

There is a “Roulette” category for Fanfiction that will change each quarter.

Fanfiction Categories

Best Action/Adventure Fiction

Action: “actual engagement in fighting an enemy; military or naval combat” Adventure: “participation in exciting undertakings or enterprises.”

Does it make you sit on the edge of your seat? Do the characters battle adversity on a daily basis? Have the characters embarked on an epic quest?

Best Alternate Universe/Reality Fiction

Anything that walks outside Takahashi’s vision. Anything that moves the characters outside of Takahashi’s setting within the original Feudal Era Japan or Modern Day Japan is AU/AR. Anything that changes the main characters beyond the basic core attributes Takahashi granted them. Anything that includes a separate world and series of events.

Best Canon Universe Fiction

“The works of an author that have been accepted as authentic.”

If the story is set in Takahashi’s universe (Modern Japan or Feudal Japan) and keeps the character origins, events, and motivations for character development that she created, then it is canon. This also includes anything that walks outside of Takahashi’s original vision, but incorporates some key defining moments from the original canon universe. Anything that starts in the World created by Takahashi and is taken to a different outcome. This also includes anything that takes place Post-Manga/Post-Anime.

Best Angst Fiction

“Any situation or series of events having/giving a feeling of dread, anxiety, or anguish. An acute but nonspecific sense of anxiety or remorse.”

Stories that delve into the lives of the characters and pit them against odds that create angst. Typically plays off of dramatic characteristics that focuses heavily on making the reader anxious, worried, or feeling a sense of dread for the coming story.

Best Dark Fiction

Anything that brings the reader into a world of pain and suffering through abuse of the characters at the hands of the antagonist or internal strife. If it includes graphic rape, murder, abuse (mental or emotional), a character that is suicidal or possessed of depressing thoughts/outlook on life that colors the majority of the story in glum tones it can be considered a dark!fic. Can also be aimed to cause an overwhelming and painful feeling due to something frightfully shocking, terrifying, or revolting; fear. Aimed to frighten or ‘gross out’ the reader.

Best Drama Fiction

“Any situation or series of events having vivid, emotional, conflicting, or striking interest or results.”

Stories that delve into the lives of the characters and take the readers with them on a journey through the gambit of emotive expression. Typically defined as using characters to tell a story involving conflicts and emotions with or without resolution. Usually has a lot of different conflicts and are incredibly plot-driven. Also includes emotionally-driven stories that typically portray real-life situations.

Best Humor/Parody Fiction

Did it make you laugh? Did it deliberately spoof the anime/manga?

Best NSFW Fiction

Sexual content/smut with plot. Both oneshots and specific chapters from multi-chapter fics are accepted in this category. Must include content depicting an act of the sexual nature; i.e,. sex, masturbation, heavy petting/touching, ect.

Best Oneshot Fiction

Any fiction that spans the length of one chapter and specifically deemed a “oneshot” by the author.

Best Character Portrayal

Did the author create an in-depth characterization that, while it may diverge from Takahashi’s vision for them, managed to attract the reader?

*Nomination must include the specific character*

Best InuKag Romance Fiction

“Ardent emotional attachment or involvement between people; love”

Stories that have developed a believable romance between Inuyasha and Kagome. “Believable” is subjective, and it is up to those nominating/voting to draw their own line on that quantifier and vote their “Best.” This includes canon universe and AU/AR settings.

Best SessKag Romance Fiction

“Ardent emotional attachment or involvement between people; love”

Stories that have developed a believable romance between Sesshomaru and Kagome. “Believable” is subjective, and it is up to those nominating/voting to draw their own line on that quantifier and vote their “Best.” This includes canon universe and AU/AR settings.

Best Romance Fiction

“Ardent emotional attachment or involvement between people; love”

Stories that have developed a believable romance between two or more Inuyasha characters, excluding InuKag and SessKag. “Believable” is subjective, and it is up to those nominating/voting to draw their own line on that quantifier and vote their “Best.” This includes canon universe and AU/AR settings. If there is a Best LGBTQ+ Romance category, this category will only accept heterosexual pairings.

Best Fluff Fiction

Stories that generally have a positive plot and happy ending. These stories focus on cheerful themes and “feel good” moments. Includes a happy sequence of events between characters who have a strong, sometimes romantic, bond.

Best Serial Fiction

A collection of drabbles or oneshots or a combination of both that makes up one larger story; part of the same universe or encompasses the same theme.

Best Ficlet

For drabbles and poetry - of any genre or pairing - consisting of 1,000 words or less.

Best Mental Illness/Disability Depiction

Stories that accurately depict, and explore, some sort of mental or physical disability or struggle.

Best Completed Fiction

A story with multiple chapters that will no longer be updated and should be listed as ‘complete.’

Fanart Categories

Best Action/Adventure Artwork

Any fanart depicting adventures, engagement in fighting an enemy, or battles.

Best Alternate Universe/Alternate Reality Artwork

Any fanart depicting the characters in an alternate reality or universe setting.

Best Canon Artwork

Any art featuring the characters in a canon universe setting.

Best Angst Artwork

Any art depicting a scene having/giving a feeling of dread, anxiety or anguish.

Best Dark Artwork

Any art that brings the viewer pain and suffering through the abuse of the characters either at the hands of the antagonist or internal strife. This can include murder, abuse (mental or emotional), a character possessing depressing thoughts/outlook on life that colors the piece in glum tones. Nominations in this category can also be aimed to cause painful emotions due to something frightfully shocking, terrifying, or revolting; fear. This is art that looks to frighten or ‘gross out’ the viewer.

Best Humor/Parody Artwork

Any artwork which evokes a feeling of amusement in the viewer.

Best Kiss Artwork

Fanart depiction of the best kiss between two romantic characters, or an endearing kiss between platonic characters.

Best Character Artwork

Any artwork that is a ‘still life’ of one or two characters. It may be bust only, bust and torso, or full body. The portrait should seem more ‘professional’ than a snapshot in its form and presentation, and should successfully convey a sense of the character’s canon personality to the viewer.

Best Duo/Pairing Artwork

Any art that features two characters be it a comic, doujinshi, painting, drawing, sketch, etc. If other characters are included in the picture it is only allowed as a background. The focus MUST be on the pairing. The art can reflect either a platonic relationship or a romantic relationship between the two characters.

Best Doujinshi Artwork

Fanbased and fan made manga based on Inuyasha; art and story combined in manga form.

Best Redraw Artwork

Any art that is a redraw of a scene from the Manga or Anime.

Best NSFW Artwork

Any artwork portraying the characters of Inuyasha engaged in a sex scene or a scene hinting at a sexual relationship. Can be one character, heterosexual pairings, or LGBTQ+ pairings.

Best InuKag Romance Artwork

Any romantic depiction of Inuyasha and Kagome.

Best SessKag Romance Artwork

Any romantic depiction of Sesshomaru and Kagome.

Best Romance Artwork

Any romantic depiction of two or more of the characters of Inuyasha (excluding InuKag and SessKag)

Best Group Depiction Artwork

This artwork must feature 3 or more of the Inuyasha cast to be eligible.

Best Fluff Artwork

Artwork depicting a positive and happy moment. Generally includes cheerful themes.

Best Overall Artwork

The quality, time, thought, and emotion that went into this piece is what would make it worthy of this nomination. Please take note: The general idea is not the “best of what’s nominated” or “best of show.” It is a category created specifically for art appreciation. That means that even if the characters are OOC, AU, or not drawn in anime style, etc., the ART itself is worthy of praise.

#feudalconnection #fc nominations #fct12023 #inuyasha #get ready

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haleyincarnate · 7 months

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TW: mentions of self-harm, self-sabotage

It should not make you feel guilty to feel happiness after trauma. To allow yourself small joys and not think you are being greedy. You deserve just as much healing and hope as you did during your experience. Time passing does not suddenly make you unworthy.

I specifically used to struggle with this concept in my teenage years leading into early adulthood. Due to the way I treated myself, the trauma I faced, the struggle of a girl navigating her mental illness; I didn’t believe I deserved to feel joy in the moments when it would come. That who I became due to what I went through would be all for nothing if I let light in. I begged to stay in the dark because it felt safe.

I’d go out to family’s houses during the holidays and have a wonderful time, just to later harm myself for not feeling deserving enough to feel such bliss. Same thing went for hanging with friends. Coming home after a long vacation. Softball tournaments won. Horse shows gone well. Being complimented at all. I had such an intense issue with allowing myself to feel the good I’d do just about anything to bring myself back down.

And then, one day, I let the light flood in. Just for a second, but a second was enough. I felt warmth. I let healing pull me in and fell in love right there in her arms. I melted. Shelved my armor. Wiped the blood from my hands. Smiled and felt I didn’t need to make up for it.

You do not have to feel guilty for being happy.

You are allowed to live your life and still know who you are. Where you came from. How you fought.

But it is so worth it to be a glutton for healing.

#hmh

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ember20sblog · 8 months

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I thought since I’ve been on here for a hot minute, I’d introduce myself and tell u a little bit about me:)

First off, Ember is kinda like my alter ego name that I use for pretty much all my social media accounts except Facebook (made that account when I was 14 and it’s mainly for family). My real name is Alyssa but I’ve never really liked that name for myself. Im 21 years old but I definitely feel like I have the mind of a teenager lol

My favorite color is black🖤

My favorite food is popcorn 🍿

I’m a coffee addict☕️ also have an obsession with coffee mugs (especially Halloween mugs)

My favorite animal(s) is an elephant, owl, cardinals (I honestly love all animals Lmaoo)

My favorite hobbies are writing poetry and occasionally drawing

I have been diagnosed so far with C-PTSD, MDD, GAD, an eating disorder (I’ve had anorexia nervosa b/p subtype as well as bulimia and ednos) I’m also being evaluated for mood disorders

I have 2 biological sisters and 4 half siblings (3 half sisters and 1 half brother) I’m the youngest

I have a dog named mufasa who’s a shitzhu mix

I suffer from lots of chronic illnesses as well

I never finished high school. I only went freshman year but missed a lot bc I kept getting sick. I tried homeschooling but I was too mentally unstable and physically sick to do most of the work. And I was in the psych ward and ED residential treatment during sophomore year so I finally just gave up. I haven’t gotten my GED yet bc again I have a lot of physical and mental health issues that make things 10x harder to do

I’m pretty much a homebody but I wish I wasn’t. I wish I had friends but I don’t

I struggle with my sexuality and identity bc of my religious family and what I grew up on. I’m pretty sure I’m a lesbian but I’m not 100% sure. I just know deep down I’m not straight. So maybe queer? Idk but it’s hard when u have homophobic parents and siblings. I’ve only kinda come out to two of my aunts who are supportive but I struggle with internal homophobia bc of the way I was raised and the beliefs that were taught to me. But I’m working on accepting myself

I’m more vegetarian then vegan bc I eat some animal products (some dairy and stuff made with eggs) but I eat a lot of vegan foods. I’m allergic to gluten and lactose intolerant so it’s easier to be vegan most times but I’ll allow myself to get away with eating some animal products. But I refuse to eat meat. Just grosses me out

I’m not big on having a favorite movie or show but I do like superhero movies (marvel not d.c.) my favorite genres of movies are thrillers, action, horror, and some comedy.

The shows I’ve been watching are supernatural, the fosters, American horror story, and SpongeBob (yes SpongeBob bc it’s nostalgic for me and reminds me of a happier time)

I need more shows and movies to watch so if u have any good recommendations pls comment them below!! I also have been trying to find more lgbtq+ movies and shows too

My favorite season is fall and my favorite holiday is Halloween

That’s all I can think for right now but if u have anymore questions feel free to ask me anything:)

#lgbtq #ed not ed sheeran #queer #ask me literally anything #mentally fucked #disordered eating thoughts #lesbian #wlw

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theangryjikooker · 3 months

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The thing about Jikook enlisting together which made me all mushy inside isn’t just the fact that they enlisted together. It is the fact that those two somehow always find themselves at each other’s side in those moments which to me matter the most. Let me explain.

So before we got the bts book, we all assumed that Jk took Jimin to Japan as a birthday gift but we later on got to find out that the reason they took that trip was because both of them were struggling mentally and then decided to get away together, just the two of them.

Now, we also have more context about the rainy day story thanks to Jungkook and we know that, even though all the members were not very happy with Jk’s attitude, the only person who pulled him aside to talk to him was Jimin and even though the talk didn’t go without hurdles, Jimin threatening to stop taking care of Jk hit him so hard he had to run apologizing with tears in his eyes.

Then i remember years ago all those times Jk took ill, or had accidents, Jimin was the one member who didn’t leave his side. Jimin was always there for him even when Jk was getting his stiches taken off.

Then i remember them mentioning for years that they are all nighter friends and Jk saying he spends most of his nights with Jimin, and then hearing that while they were in LA, Jk spent so much time in Jimin’s room during his down time that even Tae thought Jk’s room was Jimin’s.

Or all those moments we have from memories, dvds, bangtan bombs, behind the scenes of jikook staying back to practice together, staying back only the two of them to see watch each other practice, visiting each other to cheer each other up etc

Also thinking of how jikook are the only two members who have consistently spent important days like birthdays, holidays and even some couple holidays with each other. I’m not sure about 2023 but as far as i know Jimin hasn’t missed any of Jk’s birthdays.

Then also, even in chapter two when we didn’t see Jikook as much as we saw taekook hangout, it was still so obvious how precious those two are to each other. The support Jk publicly showed Jimin, he didn’t show anyone else. The way he would always instinctively ask Jimin to come over everytime Jimin commented on his Lives or that one time he couldn’t sleep and decided to watch a few of Jimin’s videos plus this is something he didn’t do for anyone else.

So when i we heard about them enlisting together, it didn’t really shock me because i know that those two genuinely love spending time together even if they are doing nothing. I mean you really need to love being in someone’s company to visit their hotel room 3 times a day, go in around 1am, stay there for about 4 hours, leave and repeat the cycle, plus they literally worked out together everyday, ate together, got back from concerts together, stayed back to rehearse together and they were still mostly together even when all the members were together. With all the time they spent together, how much time did they spend with other members?

Jk himself always picked Jimin as the member who comforted him the most, the one who knew him best, the one whom he connected to the most, plus it always seemed to me like Jimin was always the first person Jk went to when he wasn’t ok. I stumbled upon an interview they did in 2018 and when i tell you jikook basically did everything together, i mean it. The way they spoke about each other and the things they did together was incredibly sweet and Jk despite having his own room choosing to go sleep in the room jimin shared with Jhope was so…..

My point is, looking at jikook’s history, it is very obvious to me that those two have always had the deepest emotional connection in the group and I don’t mean this in the romantic sense. I just feel like to Jungkook, Jimin is someone he just cannot live without and versa. They are important to each other and if taekookers and other people were a little more mature, they could see it.

So when you put all these things together, it kinda tracks that jikook enlisted together. I know that Jk definitely misses all his hyungs but i think it would have been hardest for him to be away from jimin, not because they are a couple but those two are kinda codependent.

Sorry about the long ask.

Don’t apologize for this long ask; I thank you for sharing it and your thoughts about them.

#TAJ asks #lovely jikook supporters #jikook #kookmin

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maxverstepponme · 1 year

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Nonnie you are beautiful even if you don’t believe it. No one should be shamed for the way they look and no one should feel forced to change themselves because others want them to. If you want to lose/gain weight or make any changes on your body, do it because YOU want to, not because the others say you should. This is not healthy, so if you can, please get some help because no one deserves to feel like this! //

I absolutely love your kindliness Steppy 🥹🥰

I struggled for so long because people think I'm too thin (for their liking) and that I must have an eating disorder to be like this when I'm 100% healthy and everything's fine, even some doctors make this kind of comments (one tried to make me believe that I had allergies/asthma because of it 😵). your account is a safe place ❤️‍🩹

I guess some people either don't understand how comments about your body can make you feel (I'm really flat chested and I used to be so ashamed about it, people I didn't know, my family, were making comments like I'd never find a man and all because it's "not attractive") and how ashamed and hateful towards your own body you can be and how hard it is to love yourself after, or they're projecting their own insecurities and the abuse they got from other people on you as a coping mechanism.

either way, I really hope Max is doing okay. he has nothing to be ashamed about, he's perfect during breaks with a few more kilos and without. Kelly's comments were so unnecessary and I really doubt Jos' education was really good either towards this kind of subject (body image, loving yourself and all). I wish his trainer is a better person helping him staying healthy, physically and mentally.

the fact that the driver's weight play a role in their performance and that they have to weight themselves all the times (really every day) and that they have pressure to have a certain weight all year long (they can't enjoy what they want even during holidays without thinking about losing it/burning it during training) and them losing a lot of weight in little time always make me so anxious they develop eating disorder and body dysmorphia. Valtteri bravely talked about it a few years ago (I love how he kept engaging himself, about men mental illness in November, this week for the Aboriginal for example) but if people can't understand racism, think enjoying fashion is "being gay", then I have little hope they'd understand mental illness, eating disorder, body dysmorphia 🙁 it's never okay to comment on someone's weight or making fun of someone's body. as a Lewis fan I was so ashamed some of his fan made fun of Max, it's really really disgusting, nobody deserves that

ALL OF THIS! And I’m glad you find the blog a safe place ❤️

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hekkoto · 4 months

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Im aliveeeeee

Hi guys!

Welp, where to start it…. I had some unexpected absence in last times and Im super sorry for this. Im super sorry for no info or update; I wanna be honest – I had extremaly hard time, I suffered from extreme anxiety related to creating or being online, I was also on edge of mental breakdown. My physical health had some major decrease too, it was hell. I had a lot of dark thought in last months, especially lately. So I also wanna thank a lot my husband and my friends Jacek and Charles – you guys saved my life! Im super grateful for all the love and support everyone gives me online, Im sorry I was unable to be there and talk or smth. I really appreciate all of you, Im also super happy to have family and friends who support me or at least try to haha

Im aware I owe some arts and such to some people and I promise to try catch up with this asap. Im also very sorry for not letting anyone know I struggle and stuff will be delayed. I hope to have most of it done/posted before end of a year. My focus in upcoming days will be catching up on Patreon rewards and commission.

I know Im in not the best state right now; I let my mental illness take too much control over me lately. I was struggling a lot with being reckless, drinking, don’t caring too much of myself. I let past traumas devour me. I let myself detach from reality more far and far. Tho do I even know what reality is haha? But I try to take control back, with help of my husband. I will stop drinking for some time. I hate it, during holidays there is a lot of yummy alcohol but probably years of drinking while being heavily medicated take toll on my health haha

I have some comeback of those awful pains of my muscles and joints, I also was constantly sick in last weeks. Honestly idk what is wrong. Probably both my physical and mental illnesses play part here. But I hope to start feeling better soon. Being in pain for so so long is killing my mind. I just wanna escape pain. UPDATE: It got better, I have less muscles pains. Its also possible I suffer from endometriosis which might be huge reason for a lot of stuff – Im starting getting diagnosed in January

Thankfully because of support I had I was able to stay alive and keep fighting. I wanna be back. I don’t want to dive deeper into darkness of my mind. I know I need to create to stay sane, putting my darkness into arts is only way to free my mind from it. I missed you guys really really much

I hope now I was able to overcome my fears and anxiety enough to create again. I think focusing on art and creating is only way to go

I wanna have better time next year, really ;-; and I hope now Im back for real. Keep in mind cause of Holidays I wont be home all the time cause I go to see a lot of my family and friends, I hope I will be feeling ok after this >XD but I hope next year will be my big comeback, I miss creating and posting soooooo much aaaaaa

#update

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sierraslay · 1 year

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A letter to anyone who struggled this year:

The holidays are an interesting time. The end of the year is a time when a lot of reflection occurs. For someone like you & me, that can be incredibly difficult. Reflecting on the good days, the mental and emotional pain, unmet goals, and expectations. Sometimes reflecting on a hard year is more painful than the hard days themselves.

The good news is you’re going to be okay. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but someday. Someday you’re going to wake up and you’re going to feel a little bit better. And the next day a little bit better than that. And the cycle will continue.

Sometimes the most productive thing we do is get dressed. Sometimes we make it to the shower. The days you don’t do those things are not unproductive. If the only thing you did today is staying alive, you’re doing great. If today all you did was survive, you’re still valid. You’re still a productive member of society.

During the pandemic, I hit rock bottom. Lower than rock bottom. The basement of rock bottom. I found the foundation rock bottom was built on. But it didn’t look like losing everything. It didn’t look like being alone. It looked like having a great job, a supportive family, and close friends. And mentally I was low. Lower than low. Rock bottom. I was depressed and anxious - I felt broken. Every day I was fighting to stay alive, and no one knew. No one suspected anything. Most people still don’t know that I was feeling that way. They knew I was unhappy, generally not in a good mood, chronically grumpy, if you will. But they didn’t know I was struggling to find a reason to live.

Here’s the thing, it doesn’t matter how much money you make, how awesome your family is, or how many friends you have. Depression doesn’t discriminate against a “good life” (definition up to the reader), depression is depression. Depression is a mental illness. It can be hereditary, it can be a symptom, it can be triggered. The bottom line is your experience with depression is valid. Wherever in your life, it stems from, your experience is valid.

You are valid in your experience. Your diagnosis is valid. You are valid.

You matter. You mattered yesterday. You matter today. You matter tomorrow. You matter every day.

Keep reading that. Until you believe it.

The best decision I ever made was asking for help. Making the first call to a therapist asking for help. Crying while doing it, but never the less, I asked for help. Therapy has changed my life. It didn’t just give me someone to talk to once a week. It continues to give me the tools needed to process everyday life. It has given me the tools to deal with situations I never thought I would be able to handle with a level head. It has made life a little bit easier to process. A little bit easier to live.

Go to therapy. Everyone. All of you. You need it. I promise.

A note for anyone talking to or comforting someone who is struggling:

Please stop saying “you don't want to make anyone feel the way you did when ‘so-and-so’ passed, do you?” It doesn’t help. You’re essentially guilt-tripping someone who is struggling to stay alive. Instead say, “I am sorry you’re feeling that way. Whatever your brain is telling you is not true. You are loved and you are not alone.” Or a simple “I love you. Whether you believe it or not, I love you and I want you here.”

My intention with this letter is to share my experiences in a way that makes you feel like you’re not alone. Like you’re seen and heard and valid. My experiences are not that of the collective depressed community, but my voice is here to be heard and to make sure you’re validated in whatever struggles you’re currently dealing with, previously dealt with, and will deal with in the future.

#mental health #mental heath awareness #depression #struggle #writing #writerscommunity #journal #journaling

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pacificpaing · 2 years

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5 Holiday Tips for Depression and Chronic Pain

HELPFUL TIPS TO EASE THE MENTAL AND PHYSICAL PAIN DURING THE HOLIDAYS

Shorter, wintry days and the holiday season bring cheer to many, but melancholia for some people Pain Management. Hot chocolate, cozy up next to the fireplace and the warmth of woolen blanket are all some people may need, but for others who struggle with seasonal affective disorder (SAD), mental illnesses or chronic pain, mental anguish and pain only deepens during this time of the year Mental Health Treatment. Pacific Pain & Wellness Group gathered a few tips to help you cope or feel better this wintry holiday season.

Soak In Some Morning Light

With shorter wintry days, we get less exposure to sunlight. Although it has not been scientifically proven, it is widely believed that lack of exposure to sunlight contributes to seasonal affective disorder (SAD), lethargy and depression. Catching the morning light while brisk walking outside, opening all the windows and shades at home or at work and sitting next to the bright window can lift your mood.

Stay Active

Avoid doing nothing and curling up under a pile of woolen blanket because this makes you susceptible to thinking about your pain and inactivity also exacerbates chronic pain. Stretching, swimming, brisk walking, low-impact or light exercises help keep your body strong and stimulates the body’s natural healing process.

Find Someone To Talk To

Avoid being on your own. Find someone or a group of people you can talk to and share your feelings and thoughts regarding your mental and physical pain. It’s best to choose people or join forums or group therapy so you are surrounded with people who you know can understand how you feel Pacific Pain & Wellness Group, such as the group therapy at Pacific Pain & Wellness Group where we have members who deal with the same mental pain or chronic pain or have personal experiences with mental health illness or chronic pain. Letting it out, avoiding bottling up your feelings and thoughts and sharing them are therapeutic.

Don't drink

A lot of people think that alcohol can provide temporary relief from mental pain or chronic pain. What it really does is give you the “buzz” and false sense of wellness. Intoxication can impair your judgement, keep you from doing more positive activities such as exercises, as well as affect your sleep patterns.

While the holidays may offer plenty of moments to indulge yourself with a glass of wine, remember to do so in moderation if you choose to drink. Don’t be embarrassed about passing on a drink and having something healthier, like a glass of orange juice or sparkling water with a lime.

Set Realistic Goals And Expectations

If you have chronic pain, avoid strenous activities and staying out till late stressing and shopping for gifts or spending too much time fussing over what food to prepare for the family or friends. Set realistic goals and expectations for yourself and undertake tasks and activities that are not physically taxing pacific pain wellness group, but still enjoyable and will help keep your mind off your pain.

Seek Professional Help

Depression, other mental diseases, and persistent pain are treated gradually. Family and friends should be prioritized. It's why we celebrate the holidays. If you continue to suffer and find any of these recommendations challenging, consult your doctor, psychiatrist, or mental health professional for support. Pacific Pain & Wellness Group's Analgesia physicians and mental health experts, including a neuropsychiatrist and psychologist, led by Kartik Ananth, MD, a board-certified and fellowship-trained physician and neuropsychiatrist, treat patients with mental health illnesses. We use new, scientifically-proven therapy techniques to deliver holistic mental health care. Pacific Pain & Wellness Group is certain you can accomplish healing and mental wellness to get your life back on track.

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euanwalkerhndphotography · 2 years

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Evaluation

Graded Unit - Evaluation

Euan Walker

For this brief we were instructed to create a brief of our own, compiled of ten images. We were to research and complete an essay on inspirational photographers related to the topic/style of our choosing. Create a fully fledged plan of how we would complete our project. Capture 10 images and have 5 of them sent off to be printed before finally evaluating the project and our experiences as a whole.

For this project I decided to cover mental health and make my images self portraits. I wanted to portray my feelings through the difficulties of my Auntie's illness and how it had affected me and my family. Across my 10 images I aimed to capture a mix of self portraits in the studio and place images at both my flat and home to try and capture the bleak and deserted look. I created a timetable in which I was really keen to stick to as it would help me stay relaxed about my project and I wouldn't be running around last minute trying to get my images done. I set out specific dates for travel, editing, shooting and other important factors. I wanted to start shooting in the second week of the Easter break however I did not achieve this.

Before the Easter holidays my Aunt's condition deteriorated quite a lot. It became quite distracting and stopped me from capturing any images at home as it really didn't feel appropriate. Throughout the holidays her condition would fluctuate, some days she would be out of the hospice seeing family, other days she wouldn't be able to leave bed. On Easter Monday, the day before returning to college she fell into a state of deep sleep. The following day she sadly passed away. This completely unmotivated me to do any work and I wasn't really sure what to do with myself. After a couple of days I decided I needed to get on with the project as I had now effectively lost 3 weeks of shooting and had completely gone off of the timetable which I didn't want to do. I therefore made the decision to shoot in the studio as I was only doing self portraits and that made the most sense to me. I took every opportunity I could to capture images whether it be in the studio during class time or at the twilights which I repeatedly showed up to. I found the twilight classes very beneficial as they were relatively quiet meaning I wasn't being distracted. I finished shooting all my images on the 18th of May and sent my images off to print the following day which was 6 days later than intended.

Due to this change in my project I had to come up with more ideas for portraits than intended. This threw me off a little as it meant I needed to do further planning during my project. Unfortunately this made me feel as though some images were a little rushed and not quite up to the standard however I would have failed to meet the deadline otherwise.

To start the project I was keen to capture and display all my images in colour. As I progressed with my project and began editing, I soon realised that my images looked better in black and white and that converting them also added more mood and feel to the image. At the end of my project I reviewed them all in colour and black and white and was confident that this change was beneficial.

Though I had the loss looming over me during this project and it being a relatively dark topic, I did enjoy it. I enjoyed the freedom of being able to create and capture what I wanted without any real boundaries as such, allowing me to try out new techniques. I also really enjoy working in the studio and having access to the lights within as I'm able to achieve different lighting patterns which can then have different effects on the image and give off different moods.

I found this project almost therapeutic in a way. I struggle to describe how I am feeling to others and don't really like putting myself out there. I never have and recently have found it even more challenging. I find that the problems I have are my problems and my problems only, nobody else's. It is not up to someone else to solve them, but rather me. The ability to then create a photograph that would describe how I was feeling without the use of words was really special to me and I believe is an important tool for the future.

Slightly contradicting my previous point, I have found that during this project, help from others has seriously benefitted me and allowed me to work more efficiently. For example having someone focus the image for me has been very helpful as this can be quite difficult for self portraiture. Other times it has been people perhaps pressing the shutter for me to save me from using a 10 second timer, holding objects or items such as the cling film in one of the images or even just recommendations about different possible lighting or angles.

All in all I am pretty happy with how my project turned out. I believe the images work well together as a series and ultimately achieve what I aimed for. I have found it very difficult to describe how I feel within images that truly show this however I feel I have achieved this to a certain degree. This project has also shown me that I do enjoy self portraiture and that I want to explore it further in the future.

If I were to do the project again I would perhaps spend more time planning my images and how I would light them and pose for them. I found that instead of being set on a certain pose I would try multiple poses. To an extent this is helpful as it gives me more options but it can also make me struggle as I can be very indecisive. I would have liked to have spent more time on each photograph and getting it exactly right instead of rushing but unfortunately I fell behind at the start which made this more difficult. I would also use a different printing company. I initially wanted to use deadly digital as they had close connections with the college and were based in Glasgow. On the day I was ready to print, I went onto their website and couldn't find a way to have my images printed off; however I was keen to have them sent away as soon as possible. I ended up using Loxley colour which is based in Cumbernauld. On their website I was able to pay there and then and have confirmation that my images were being printed. The main downside to this was that it cost me £85 which is a lot, so I would therefore give myself a bit more time and look at using another company.

#personalproject

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autieselfcare · 2 years

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Undiagnosed Autism At School

Crying yourself to sleep, wondering why you aren’t like everyone else

Bullying

Not understanding whether people were joking or making fun of you

Having to be poked 20 times because you were so deep in your work you didn’t notice it was break time

“What are we meant to be doing? I didn’t understand”

Feeling like everyone hates you

Being made to sit on the floor because you rock/ spin on your chair as a stim

Not being able to concentrate due to noise

Anxiety

Going non verbal when asked a question in front of the class

Picked last during PE & never having a partner

Trying to be funny & make jokes but failing

Almost having a breakdown when a cover/supply teacher comes instead

Practicing & planning your response for the register

Learning how to ‘smile properly’ in the mirror

Labelled as the ‘shy/weird kid’

Being friends with your teachers & counsellors as you don’t get on with your peers

Teachers & peers take you on as a ‘pet project’

Never being invited to parties

Meltdowns when you go home after the school day

Watching & copying everyone around you

Dreading the school holidays & lack of structure

Redoing pieces of work because it’s not ‘perfect’

Finding it hard to make & maintain friendships

Were ‘gifted’ in primary school but started to struggle more as you got older

Getting in trouble because the teachers think you’re deliberately being annoying

Wearing the same clothes each mufti day

“I don’t get why you’re confused, this is simple stuff”

Excelled at one subject, sucked at one & passively good at the rest

Alone at break times/ in the playground

Developed trauma & mental illnesses such as anxiety & depression as a result of your school experiences

#autism #neurodivergent #actuallyautistic

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mydimensionalwonderland · 3 years

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Behind the Smile

Body dysmorphia is where you hate your body so much that you can’t even look in the mirror, you hate photos and anytime you meet someone new, you instantly worry about how you look in their eyes. It’s hearing every bad remark ever made about your looks every time you do look in the mirror. “You wear that size? I thought you’d be two times larger.” “Do you know why gay men turn gay? Because of your face.” “Why don't you go to the gym? Then maybe you’d find a boyfriend.” Body dysmorphia becomes you.

Anxiety feeds off body dysmorphia and makes you afraid and scared of even going to meet new people. It makes you afraid of being seen going for a walk, working out, or even leaving the house. Anxiety is being grateful for having to wear masks during Covid because at least you can hide half of your face. Anxiety is feeling trapped and afraid that you’ll be alone forever, no one loves you because of how you look or speak. “Maybe it’d be better if I hide my body.” “Maybe it’d be better if I never speak again.” “Maybe it’d be better if I were gone.” Anxiety becomes you.

Depression feeds off anxiety and makes you believe that you can never do any better that no one would even care or notice if you were gone. Depression is not always apparent, it can be hidden behind a smile, but if someone mentions it, they instantly get called crazy or “maybe you should go to the doctor and be put on meds to make you happy.” “Maybe if you left your house, you’d be happier.” “Maybe if you had friends, they’d cheer you up.” Depression becomes you.

Having all three means you are afraid to make friends because you are afraid of what has been said or done before and because you have no friends, you’re depressed. Having all three means you believe what is said about you, you believe no one cares because no one talks to you unless you start a conversation first. Depression and anxiety are knowing that less than four people will even read this until the end, but hoping more people will read it.

For anyone, with or without mental illnesses, please tell them you love them every day, tell them they are beautiful, tell them how much your life has changed since you met them, tell them they are a special existence and they are worthy of being alive. Do not wait for a holiday, their birthday, or some event. Tell them every day. Because you never know who will need to hear that they are loved, cared for, special and an amazing person. You never know what anyone is thinking or what their brain is telling them. You never know what anyone is thinking behind their smile.

To those who read this all the way through, thank you. Mental illness is real, should be talked about every day. Though we, as humans, may struggle, an “I love you,” “You’re beautiful,” “I’m grateful I met you,” can lift the soul and remind someone they have something to appreciate in this lonely world.

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dallonm-archive · 3 years

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NOCTURNE (FOR THE HOLY) | WIP INTRO

[image description: a street at night during a snowstorm, tinted blue with blurred red and white lights from cars and streetlamps in the background. the pavement and road is covered by snow. to the left, a person walks in the snow with their back to the camera. in the centre, in a white serif font, reads ‘NOCTURNE’. below, in brackets and also in a white serif font reads ‘(for the holy)’. /end id]

Genre: literary adult, queer romance Setting: a city in the UK (I’m getting Manchester vibes), early or mid 2010s POV: first person direct/referral, past tense The Vibes: frost in the early morning, cold wind against your skin, sweater with the wool unravelling, rain on a window, city skyline, dark mornings, music on the other side of the wall, escaping the city for the country, ghosts that don’t exist, Deals with: family + religious trauma and all its complications, grief, class divide, love vs obsession, isolation, the intersection of being queer and neurodivergent, gender crisis 101 Content warnings: suicide, religion, addiction, mental illness, trauma

[image description: a transparent half moon against a dark blue sky. on either sides of the image are two trees - the one on the left has leaves, the one on the right is just branches. in the middle, in a white serif font, reads “synopsis / inspo” /end id.]

“Actually, you said Love, for you, is larger than the usual romantic love. It’s like a religion. It’s terrifying.” (Richard Siken)

When Nora finally estranges herself from her family, she expected to feel total freedom: not trapped in a 3 bedroom flat after her housemates have gone home for the holidays. In an attempt to break from the tangled emotions that come with trauma recovery, she puts her everything into her MSc and library all-nighters become routine – as do smokes at 5am with the girl that lives in the flat below. And then dinner dates with the girl that lives in the flat below. And then weekend walks with the girl that lives in the flat below. And then every free moment with the girl that lives in the flat below. But the more time they spend together, and the more Jack becomes Nora’s anchor, and Nora becomes Jack’s anchor, the more secrets they hide from each other. Falling in love may not be hard work, but staying in love is.

I’ve had this story in my head for a few months now but it was only recently that it all! Finally clicked. I started with an image of a terrace house converted into two separate flats - a downstairs and an upstairs - with the occupier of each talking to each other through their front windows and was like “this HAS to be a sapphic love story”. I was also inspired when I watched a rom com with two low lives ( @svpphicwrites + @radiomacbeth <3) and we all agreed that these movies would be much better if they were queer. This isn’t a rom com, but it’s certainly a love story that is unashamedly a love story and <3 no homophobia <3 all queer cast <3. Since this is literary and also by me, there is definitely some heavy content alongside that, but just like real life, they co-exist, and that’s what our protagonist has to navigate. Particularly this is inspired by my experiences with Christmas and the holiday season as someone who has family trauma - it’s isolating, confusing and guilt tripping; I hope drafting this will be therapeutic and show a reality for people in similar situations that’s realistic, but also hopeful - and a reminder that biological family is not a necessity to love and be loved. That all being said this novel is still very much in the early stage, and as a discovery writer I have No Idea where it’ll go plot wise! (the exciting part imo!)

My plan is to start this in Camp Nano if I reach my goal for my main Camp wip, Life Cycle of Massive Stars and I have a tentative goal of 5k if I do get to drafting in April. After that, I’m considering drafting this for NaNo 2021, since it’s set in winter and probably way more suited for then lmao. I would like to prioritise it soon though as atm this is the novel I realistically see being published in the future 👁️ (but because of that i’m unsure of how much i’ll share on here!)

(also feel free to add me on the Nano site!)

Since this is just an intro, I’ll only introduce the main two girls!

NORA

she/her

the “i” in the story

autistic

women in STEM 😍

too good for this world, too pure

very stylish

her first year completely estranged from her family, although their relationship has been strained her whole life

tends to isolate as a coping mechanism

JACK

she/they

the “you” in the story

ADHD

doing a masters in the psychology of music

AMAZING chef, dinner at their place is a blessing

childhood was very much tied to the church - now struggling with religious trauma

confidence as a façade

That’s all I have to say about this story for now 👁️ but 👁️ exciting things are being Developed 👁️ please let me know if you’d like to be added to the taglist!

#tw suicide #tw religion #tw trauma #tw addiction #tw mental illness #wip intro #atlastracking #writeblr #amwriting #nocturne (for the holy)

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queerobsessions · 2 years

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Since it's somehow Christmas eve already, I want to remind all my fellow queer or mentally ill, or both, people out there that if the holidays are hard for you, it's okay. Not all of us like all or any part of these times. Some have unaccepting relatives, some get uncomfortable being around a lot of people or getting asked questions about their lives or themselves, and so many other things for different people. I myself don't like seeing relatives I'm not out to, it gives me huge amounts of anxiety feeling the pressure to finally come out after years of being out to my parents. And even though I always have the option to not go visit them, the guilt of refusing is a lot bigger during the holidays because it's tradition.

So here's your reminder to be kind to yourself. If you have the option (especially if you're an adult) to refuse to do something that makes you uncomfortable and is bad for your mental health, refuse, or at least consider it to give yourself the choice, don't force yourself just because you feel like you're supposed to do it or to please others.

And to those who don't struggle during holidays but know someone who does (and even if you don't know that you know someone, you might) be kind to them, always give them the choice to refuse or back out of agreed plans. They're fighting against their own mind, their brain is being a jerk, they're doing the best they can.

Hopefully everyone has a nice, or at least tolerable, rest of the year☃️❤️

#mental health #LGBTQ+#holidays #be kind to yourself #be kind to your mind #on a Sirius note

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appleflavoredkitkats · 3 years

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stagnant;

author’s note: been a while! this isn't as long as my other fics, but i wanted to write this because i just like the concept of fundy in las nevadas, okay? and smoke breaks. i love writing smoke breaks. and of course, i will be writing about fundy because i am biased and he deserves better lmao. this is all written before the las nevadas arc ever occurs, so if there are any discrepancies by the time las nevadas finishes, that ain't my fault.

also! all of this is platonic! i view schlatt as fundy's other father figure. for quackity, i don't necessarily view him as 100% manipulative towards fundy and schlatt, but you're free to interpret him in any way you want. and yes, i know the situation about schlatt, and i don't support the actions of the cc, but i do enjoy his dsmp character nonetheless.

DO NOT SEND THIS FIC TO ANY CONTENT CREATOR!! be nice!!

laslty, special thanks to my good friend dany from the dsmpanalysis discord server for beta-ing my fic!

relationships: platonic fundy & schlatt (father-son relationship)

warnings: trauma, smoking, gambling, drinking, alcoholism, substance abuse, self-harm (accidentally burning oneself), slight mentions of fire, parental neglect (from wilbur), unhealthy coping mechanisms, implied depression or mental illness, mental health struggles, addiction, references to past violence, death idealization, underaged gambling, arguments (in the background), and general angst!

word count: 1878

summary: fundy closes his eyes, taps on the quartz again, and leans forward on the metal bars of his balcony. he lets out another puff of smoke as he sinks into the lax atmosphere. he gives into the fantasy, the delusion.

a second pair of footsteps are then heard behind fundy, but even then, fundy doesn’t move from his position. he knows who it is anyway— there are only two or three people who had access to the five-star suites on the last floor, and only one of them frequents his room often.

“you know, smoking’s bad for your health,” schlatt tells him with a half-smirk.

or, it's midnight in las nevadas, and fundy has a smoke break with schlatt. he reflects on the state of the server, and he reflects on himself.

( ao3 link )

a click of a lighter, the tapping of dress shoes against chiseled quartz, the rummaging of pockets to fetch another fresh pack of cigs. his paws work automatically: slicing the plastic cover with his claws, fumbling the top open, and finally selecting a cigarette from the batch, twirling it between his fingers to the sound of muffled, jazzy tunes in the background.

with the smoke in between his sharp fangs, he guides the lighter to the end of the stick. there’s a deep inhale, letting the smoke fizzle into his lungs, latching onto every feeling of remorse, regret, guilt, sadness, pain, hurt, trauma, everything—

and fundy exhales, all of those icky sensations evaporating into misty smoke.

this cycle of mindless smoking continues as fundy stands idly on his hotel room’s balcony. up ten stories high, fundy looms over almost everything in las nevadas. despite it being midnight, las nevadas’ visitors never relent. from above, staring with droopy eyes, fundy sees all four casinos lit up brighter than a neighbourhood during the holidays. no bulbs malfunction, thankfully; all of them flicker and twinkle as if there was something to celebrate about in this place full of deceit and temporary bliss. the bars, while more mellow, have the calmest of tunes blasting from their jukeboxes. when fundy first started working here, he remembers being fond of upbeat tunes like these, but they’ve quickly grown stale, or maybe fundy’s just grown tone deaf overtime. who knows?

everything about this place grows on fundy like a terrible rash. sometimes, he does enjoy the outgoing crowds and customers, but sometimes, the noise overwhelms him— ear-piercing, annoying, inharmonious. so, he ends up in places like his dishevelled room, unkempt from all the alcohol and exhaustion and the fact that he just doesn’t want to give a fuck anymore. but as much as his room is reminiscent of the rubble he left in his original base, he at least feels at ease with the sounds he hears from above. there is the same jazz music, the same victorious yelling at jackpots, the same rolling from the slot machines, but it’s in diminuendo.

it’s a symphony fundy will willingly listen to because he feels like he can separate himself from the chaos present downstairs. when he is with the others, when he serves tequila shots and shuffled decks, he feels like he is at the center of his own friends’ descent but from his own bedroom, he can pretend that he is fine, that everything is fine. he can live in the delusion that his friends are shouting from a well-deserved victory when deep in the back of his head, he knows that they’ve gotten inexplicably attached to machinery that he knows is programmed to bring about their demise.

fundy closes his eyes, taps on the quartz again, and leans forward on the metal bars of his balcony. he lets out another puff of smoke as he sinks into the lax atmosphere. he gives into the fantasy, the delusion.

a second pair of footsteps is then heard behind fundy, but even then, he doesn’t move from his position. he knows who it is anyway— there are only two or three people who had access to the five-star suites on the last floor, and only one of them frequents his room often.

the guy who enters pats his back twice gently as a greeting, settling himself next to fundy. fundy averts his gaze from the saturated lights to look at the goat hybrid. with a newly tailored suit and freshly manicured horns, schlatt has never looked more dapper, but his skin was still heavily scarred and immensely graying.

“you know, smoking’s bad for your health,” schlatt tells him with a half-smirk. fundy lowers the smoke, coughing a little before raising an incredulous eyebrow at schlatt.

“i learned from the worst,” fundy replies as his free hand shuffles through his pockets, holding out the box of smokes for schlatt to get one for himself. fundy doesn’t need to ask schlatt if he has his own lighter; he somehow always does. he’s been used to his mannerisms ever since a darkened flag with glowing, orange lace loomed over a dying country.

schlatt easily raises the smoke to his chapped lips and lights it easily. he falls into the rhythm of the scenery, slouching against the metal railings as he watches the same fluorescent bulbs fundy had been watching.

moments like these, no matter how incredibly fucked they are, are the closest fundy can get to tasting peace. his father once described peace as a taste of freedom. it is the image of bright-eyed soldiers under swathes of redwood trees, free from the shackles of tyranny and violence their oppressors have imposed on them.

but fundy knows, as always, that his father is a liar, because at this very moment, fundy connects the concept of peace with the disgusting taste of smoke.

it is a habit he’s picked up from a man he’d once considered perfect. back when the server first hit its grayest of days, sometimes fundy’s claws had itched to strike a match, to spark stones. the scorching blaze igniting was the most colorful thing he’d had in that wasteland of grey. he’d kept doing it more and more and more, until his own fur and skin burned and he realized that he too is graying like the place he called home. when schlatt had first discovered it, fundy remembers a lot of talking—all kind, kind words that have tarnished his perception on what a caring guardian, or a father, may be—and then, out of the blue, fundy asks for a smoke. while a confused eyebrow quirks, schlatt gives him one to try out, saying that there is a first time for everything, especially since their lives have been as mundane as they possibly can be.

and here fundy is now, able to finish an entire pack in the span of a few days as if it is a part of his diet.

but if all this substance abuse and addiction and self-sabotage and self-deprecation have become so widespread in the server, so normalized, would one even consider it awful? if everyone is traumatized or hurt, does the concept of trauma even exist in the first place?

“you know, i— don’t take this the wrong way, but i thought that you would be much happier to see all your friends reunited,” schlatt speaks, fingers gesturing to tiny specks on the ground that move in sync with the jazz. fundy hums non-committedly as a reply, not really knowing what to say.

“well, sucks to be you, i guess. mopey ass,” schlatt jokes with the same half-smirk he uses whenever fundy is notably graying like he did in the past. fundy chuckles at it, at least, but his shoulders droop immediately after. the smallest bouts of happiness and joy make him unbelievably tired nowadays.

fundy attempts to lift his smoke again to his lips, but surprisingly, schlatt interrupts, forcing fundy to lower his arm. fundy stares at him acutely with furrowed brows. “fundy, i—” schlatt begins, and his lighthearted expression dwindles into something much more anxious and apprehensive. schlatt clears his throat and continues, “fundy, kid, i know i’m not the type to get all grossly emotional and whatnot—that’s more of tubbo’s thing—but you have to listen to me when i say that you need to leave.” schlatt grips fundy’s forearm now, firm yet slightly shaking. “kid, you’re not healthy here. it’s— you— this—” schlatt gestures towards the buildings, the lights, the entire shithole that they are stuck in, “this is not somewhere you need to be. you need to leave when you can.”

fundy blinks, and then he blinks once more before his free hand shrugs off schlatt’s grip. he returns to his original position of leaning against the railing, and through the reflection of the cold metal, fundy can see the unpleasant surprise on schlatt’s face transform into something more defeated. a pregnant silence precedes a long, exasperated sigh from schlatt. the edges of fundy’s lips slightly curve downwards.

“well, it would be easier if it weren’t for the fact that i literally have nowhere else to go,” fundy replies monotonously, as if this statement is something he’s rehearsed several times before. “i’ve hit rock bottom, schlatt. i have nothing else to lose,” fundy continues, huffing out a melancholic chuckle. he doesn’t think this situation he’s stuck in is anything comedic, but it sure is amusing how his life has continuously spiralled further and further for the past five years. he’s amused by the fact that he is still very much alive and breathing by this point despite the—fundy looks at his half-finished cigarette, the livid circles under his eyes, his furrowing ears as being exposed to multiple explosions has caused a permanent, high-pitched sound to ring in them sporadically—small, little missteps.

it’s quiet again as schlatt stares at fundy uncomfortably. “you’re really out here wishing for god to strike you dead in front of a dead man— how very respectful of you,” schlatt replies sarcastically. fundy knows schlatt only wants to lighten up the mood. schlatt has been very persistent in helping fundy find the brighter side of things for a while, but lately, they’ve fallen flat. is schlatt’s eloquence gradually deteriorating, or is it fundy who’s only gotten more numb towards schlatt?

fundy doesn’t know, and both possibilities are undesirable, really, so fundy decides to speak. “i’m sorry,” fundy says, and he doesn’t know if it is for himself or for schlatt. maybe it’s for the both of them.

schlatt’s look softens, and he raises his free palm to grip fundy’s shoulder, thumbing it for comfort. a part of fundy wants to sob, to cry, but he chokes all his tears back with an inhale of smoke. “i’m sorry too,” schlatt murmurs, his voice the softest and the most caring it has ever been. when fundy exhales, he can feel tears prick the corners of his eyes as schlatt continues, “you deserve better.”

fundy hums and his eyes trail downwards to gaze at las nevadas’ visitors once more. he spots ranboo, possibly exhausted judging by his sloppy movements, forcefully pulling a crazed tubbo from a slot machine. fundy remembers that inside, he has seen purpled, foolish, and puffy shout over a simple card, a two of clubs, arguing on whether they should split the fifteen stacks of diamonds or not. he remembers finding sam outside the bar next to the trash bins downing his own personal bottles of alcohol, gripping tightly on a withered rose as he sobs uncontrollably. at the side, he can now see a distressed bad and ant incessantly begging the blackjack booths to accept their territory offers as they’ve lost all their possessions to far too many rounds of roulette wheels and texas hold’ems. he also spots a jovial yet sly quackity skipping through the streets energetically as a stern techno and phil trail behind him, ready to smite anyone who dares terrorize the place.

and lastly, he stares away from the crowds and returns to gaze at schlatt—tired eyes, frayed hair, drying skin—with a bittersweet smile. fundy replies, “i think we all do.”

#mcyt #dream smp #fundy #jschlatt #fanfiction #writing #long post #las nevadas #quackity

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