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ladyloveandjustice · 3 years

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Fourth Evangelion thing Part 3

Latest Evangelion movie spoilers

Mari: hey shinji GUESS WHO~

Shinji: i have no idea

Mari: I sexually harassed you that one time on the roof years ago.

Shinji: oh yeah i remember that I guess.

Asuka: Shinji, I admit I had a crush on you when we were kids and you made me that sweet bento, but the thing is I’ve grown up and you haven’t, so I’ve moved on. You need to move on too, *turns to the camera* YES I AM TALKING TO ALL YOU GROSS OTAKU THERE. Your creepy eternally fourteen year old ideal wifey doesn’t exist and your fixation is unhealthy! Real women grow up and move on while you stay stunted and fixated on this image! And yes, me delivering this message does seem somewhat hypocritical when this movie is constantly pandering to you guys by fixating on the ass and tits of me and every other teenage looking female character at every opportunity, but ignore that! And yes, we WILL continue to produce merch sexualizing me and the other teen girls of this franchise, but also ignore that, the MORAL is-

Shinji: okay Asuka I get it you can go I want to hallucinate my dead boyfriend.

Asuka: wow you’re not being a very good straight male otaku stand-in right now

Shinji: Yeah I’m really not since I am literally a teenager, why tell me to grow up??? also I haven’t shown any attraction to you in this movie, I’ve just been puking and catatonic I didn’t even react to you being naked-

Asuka: OKAY FINE TALK TO YOUR DEAD BOYFRIEND BYE

Kaworu: Hi Shinji. It’ll be okay, boo. We’ll meet again someday.

Shinji: you always say that but like what do you mean, in another timeline, in heaven where all the buried gays go, in like five minutes? you’re so vague Kaworu!

Kaworu: That’s my thing. :) Love you.

MEANWHILE

Lip girl: I don’t like Shinji being here. The apocalypse thing he caused killed my entire family

Sakura I think?: That was an accident

Lip girl: AN ACCIDENT. THAT KILLED. MY ENTIRE FAMILY.

Sakura: also the whole thing was a metaphor

Lip girl: A METAPHOR. THAT KILLED. MY ENTIRE FAMILY???

Sakura: shhh

Misato wistfully: You know it probably was pretty hypocritical for me to be mad at Shinji for nearly destroying the world when I was yelling “YEAH GO DO IT GO DESTROY THE WORLD!” the entire time. I realize that now that I have this nice picture of him and my son.

Ritsuko: Yeah. so this ship-

Misato: let’s use it to save people

Ritsuko: THAT’S VERY MOTHERLY

Misato: ...uh...not specifically no...

Ritsuko: SORRY WE HAVE A THEME GOTTA HAMMER IT IN.

Asuka: GONNA DESTROY THAT ROBOT I HAVE AN ANGEL INSIDE ME OR SOMETHING I GUESS?..oh wait hey it’s me. I wonder what I’ll say to myself

other Asuka: I D I O T

Asuka: coulda seen that coming

other Asuka: CUTE idiot

Asuka: Aw! *disintegrates*

Mari: Yikes! Asuka’s soul is..absorbed uhhh something something! It was all part of Gendo’s plan I guess!

Gendo: haha yes it was! I’m here btw. Anyway my evil plan-

Ritsuko: *IMMEDIATELY SHOOTS HIM IN THE HEAD* YES! Guess what in this version I don’t inexplicably want to fuck you so I can JUST FUCK YOU UP! Eat SHIT Gendo!

Misato: Definitely one of the best changes in this reboot imo.

Ritsuko: *watches as Gendo scoops his own brains back into his head* yeah seriously I can’t believe any version of me was attracted to this.

Gendo: Look I’m just an immortal monster who just wants to make humanity a collective soul soup so I can reunite with my dead wife

Misato: EVEN IF IT MEANS SACRIFICING ASUKA?

Gendo: ...which one is Asuka?

Misato: yeah I’m not sure why I thought that would work.

Shinji: DAD

Gendo: *ignores him and leaves*

Shinji: That was very expected. Well I guess I’m getting in the robot to stop him.

Lip Girl: NO YOU CANNOT YOU KILLED MY FAMILY WITH THAT ROBOT! I WILL SHOOT!

Sakura: NO DON’T SHOOT HIM I WANT TO SHOOT HIM! BUT NON-FATALLY! BECAUSE WHILE RECOGNIZING THE HARM YOU’VE DONE, I ALSO CARE FOR YOUR WELL BEING AND DON’T WANT YOU TO GO INTO THAT HARMFUL-TO-CHILDREN ROBOT! I KNOW BEING SHOT WILL ALSO BE TRAUMATIZING BUT LESS TRAMATIZING THAN THE GODDAMN ROBOT WHY DO WE HAVE TO PUT CHILDREN IN ROBOTS-

Me: you know girls I would be much more invested in this dramatic scene if the camera wasn’t distractingly focusing on your asses

Movie: SHUT UP THIS IS HIGH ART

Me; annnnd with that I will take another break! And finish this up next time.

#nev watches fourth eva thing #evangelion spoilers

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thanksjro · 3 years

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Dark Cybertron Chapter 11: The Word “Logic” Doesn’t Even Mean Anything Anymore

Our issue opens up with a flashback to establish some things. 

Because despite the six literal issues of prelude, and all the ham-fisted exposition we’ve gotten throughout the “Dark Cybertron” event, we still don’t have all the information we need to understand what the hell’s happening.

I have a feeling this won’t quite cut the mustard, either.

Anyway, back during the events of MTMTE #1, when Rodimus was making his call to action to his fellow Cybertronians (and by “Cybertronians” I, of course, mean “Autobots”, because prejudice is a hard habit to kick, even for the best of us) Brainstorm was doing science on Hardhead. He was doing this science to make sure that the Dead Universe hadn’t killed him without him realizing. This is a very common issue in the world of IDW2005 Transformers, considering that zombies are a part of canon, so it’s just best to be sure. Nova Prime’s lifeless body sits in the corner like the world’s worst coffee table book.

This will take some explaining, because this is Phase One related.

In Spotlight: Sideswipe, Nova Prime beefed it, except he didn’t, because his “essence” returned to the Dead Universe. This is because he was chosen by the Dead Universe to enact its will on the other, much cooler, Not-Dead Universe. In short, he’s a weird robot zombie-ghost with a save point in the Dead Universe.

Brainstorm has his corpse in his lab to make sure this bastard is true and proper dead, or that the body he left behind is at least. That, in combination with Hardhead proving to be very much alive, means that today can be counted as a win for everyone! The “Alive-People-Counter” machine proves it!

…This is why we can’t have nice things.

Brainstorm being undead does have some precedence within the narrative, given what happened in MTMTE #3.

Though I can’t help but wonder what the guy’s been doing for the last year and a half, that he didn’t notice being dead, when his soul is a large, glowing orb with physical presence. I dunno, he just seems like the sort of guy to keep up to date on that sort of thing, if only for scientific purposes.

In the present day, in the beautiful city of Iacon, everything’s gone to shit, and Whirl’s gotten hot for some reason, as billions of Ammonites fall out of the sky.

Who friggin’ drew this-

I should’ve known.

Up on the Lost Light, Ultra Magnus is breaking out the fancy swears, as a… tornado, I guess, of Ammonites hits the underside of the ship. Bumblebee wants to evacuate the friggin’ planet- which, I don’t know if you know this, would be a little difficult to do, even with a ship the size of NYC. Unfortunately, that’s not gonna fly, however, because all the stars in the sky are blue-shifting.

Wikipedia tells me that this is probably a bad thing, and Perceptor agrees, calling it “the end of everything.”

Over in Shockwave’s Lair of Villainy and Magical Bullshit, everyone’s favorite purple science gremlin has stabbed a “time drive” into his chest. Galvatron is laying dead on the floor in the foreground, but this isn’t about him. Shockwave orders Jhiaxus to activate the time drive, I guess because he doesn’t have long enough arms to do it himself. Jhiaxus warns Shockwave to be mindful, lest he lose himself in time, and then we get a return to a Roberts writing staple that we haven’t seen in quite a while.

Waxing poetic on the nature of time- this time, in a visual medium!

Awful lot of fixating on your ritualistic amputations there, Shocky-boy. I suppose this is ONE way to try to cope with a lack of control in your life.

Of course, to those on the outside of Shockwave’s brain, this doesn’t look nearly as impressive- it actually just looks like him screaming really loud at the ceiling. Bludgeon isn’t sure that this course of action is a healthy one to take, but Jhiaxus is too busy being sapiosexual to worry about that.

I-

Sure. I’m not even going to bother trying to understand this anymore.

Jhiaxus orders Monstructor to go keep the Autobots away from Shockwave.

Also, Galvatron isn’t dead. Good for him, I guess.

Over inside Metroplex, Windblade’s face seems to be stuck in the generic “I am a nice, nonthreatening female character who is also pretty” position, as Ultra Magnus tells her that the universe is ending. Chromia watches in the background as this happens, likely wondering if being relevant in modern media again is worth this bullshit.

Hearing that Bumblebee plans to take the fight to Shockwave is enough to get Metroplex back on his feet, which is good, because I don’t think we have a lot of time to convince the guy to do anything- this event ends next issue.

As Metroplex windmills his arms through swarms of Ammonites, the Lost Light lands, and Bumblebee, Megatron, and all their experts disembark. Bumblebee makes an unsolicited comment about Megatron’s body. They go to meet Soundwave, who isn’t terribly thrilled with Megatron having become all buddy-buddy with Bumblebee. Megatron mentions that the Decepticons are going to have to rethink their strategy once this is all over, with the implication being that they’re going to- gasp- work together with the Autobots.

Then Starscream shows up with Metalhawk, Skywarp, Rattrap, Waspinator, and Scoop for some fucking reason, in tow. Skywarp is going to teleport everyone into Shockwave’s Bastardization of the Concept of Science House, even though he pretty clearly isn’t feeling too well. What a guy.

Starscream and Megatron have a bit of banter that won’t set your hair on end with how awful they are to one another, Metalhawk tries to apologize for attempting to kill Bumblebee, and we really don’t have time for this shit right now. The narrative knows this, because it shifts to focus on Prowl and the Constructicons. Things are looking real rough just about everywhere, and it’s coming down to the wire, so they gotta do the thing.

The thing Prowl really doesn’t want to do.

The thing he said that he wouldn’t do again.

So anyway, they form Devastator.

As Monstructor gets ready to get punched in the face by a bunch of construction workers and a cop, everyone down below is firing off laser blasts and gearing up for a teleporting adventure. However, there’s a small problem- there are too many people to teleport! Oh no! The only solution is for Soundwave and his cassettes, Scoop, Getaway and-

Excuse me, Hook?

Hook, my dude? What the fuck do you think you’re doing? You’re supposed to be a leg right now, motherfucker, why are you here? GO HOME, HOOK.

Anyway, I’m really glad we wasted the time establishing that Soundwave and his band of merry little men were coming along on this trip, only for them to not come along after all. Love that shit.

I don’t actually love that shit. I’m sorry for lying.

With the load lightened, Skywarp teleports the rest of the gang to where they need to be, and Waspinator is immediately stabbed with a massive raging poisoning sword of doom. Bludgeon’s here to greet everyone, and Metalhawk is gonna try his damnedest to get the guy to come around to their side.

You remember when Metalhawk did things like connive, and scheme, and actually had more depth than a sidewalk puddle? Because I remember. Now he’s just... Beast Wars Silverbolt, but he’s not even attempting to be charming. I bet he wouldn’t even call his evil girlfriend “my soul’s delight.” Lame.

Bumblebee, Megatron, and friends book it for Shockwave, while Magnus and Skids get ready to kick some ass. Brainstorm isn’t feeling so hot, but this isn’t about him.

Starscream is having a minor crisis over the fact that Scoop stayed behind in a literal war zone for Starscream’s sake. I dunno that he did it specifically for Starscream, but Starscream seems pretty convinced that he did, and who am I to argue with the leader of a whole friggin’ planet?

The gang makes it to Jhiaxus’ ship, where they find-

I swear to god, if there’s not a fucking explanation for what the shit is happening right here I’m going to scream.

…So anyway, Metalhawk and Jhiaxus start beating each other up, Starscream gets bent out of shape by Jhiaxus’ trash talk, and we get an explanation for his new look.

Which, y’know, thank fucking god.

Jhiaxus has new reactive armor, which takes anything thrown at him and adapts it to his own body for personal use, which feels like some Grade-A Kids Playing Pretend bullshit, but WHATEVER.

While this is going on, Megatron and Bumblebee have run into the center of Shockwave’s Laboratory of Morally-Abhorrent Mystical Buffoonery Masquerading as the Scientific Method. Dreadwing tries to make a case for self-defense of his property, but unfortunately he doesn’t understand how property rights work, and gets blasted for his troubles. Galvatron reveals himself to be alive to Megatron, who immediately grabs the dude by the throat.

Galvatron’s feeling pretty down about having inadvertently helped end the universe, and is throwing himself a little pity party. Megatron’s not having it, however, tossing the man into the ground and revving up to fusion-cannon him to death. Bumblebee stops him, for some reason, and then starts rambling, I guess STILL trying to be Optimus Prime 2.0.

Bumblebee, you put bombs in people’s heads to make them fall into line. You don’t get to talk to Captain Warlord about moral nuance. And weren’t you also berating Metalhawk for trying this same thing not five minutes ago?

Bumblebee’s words reach Megatron, and instead of annihilating Galvatron, he offers the dude a hand up.

Then Bumblebee gets shot and dies, while Shockwave just… stares menacingly, I guess.

Cool.

The death of his very best friend in the whole wide world sends Megatron into a rage, and he punches Shockwave in the face. This doesn’t really faze him much though, as he bats Megatron across the fucking room like he’s made of papier-mâché and dreams, going on about how the universe will save Cybertron by being its power source “in an endless forever.”

Shockwave, you’re a man of science. You ought to know that “forever” as a concept, doesn’t fucking WORK scientifically. It’s nonsense. You’re nonsense, and I hate you.

Back with the Bludgeon Ass-Kicking Squad, Brainstorm’s having a bad time, while everyone else sort of awkwardly poses. Skids gets stabbed. Skids falls down. Brainstorm falls down. Ultra Magnus is concerned, but he’s too busy not being stabbed to help anyone.

Brainstorm’s in a lot of pain, and then a hand bursts out of his chest and-

GODDAMMIT JAMES.

Fucking- Team -Imus burst out of the Dead Universe from Brainstorm, who I will remind you, is undead thanks to Dead Universe lightning bullshit, making him a link between it and the much cooler Not-Dead Universe. Everyone is posing, even Cyclonus, who absolutely should think that sort of thing is beneath him, but whatever.

That’s the end of the issue. Go home.

#transformers #jro #jro punches me in the face #dark cybertron #issue 11 #rid #exrid #issue 27 #maccadam #Hannzreads #overthinking about robots #incoming analysis #text post #long post #comic script writing

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rosemarypasta · 4 years

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monday afternoons ♡ 10 (end)

➤ pairing : oikawa tooru x female reader (karasuno manager)

➤ chapter warnings : slowburn (?). teensy tiny manga spoiler that you probably won’t even notice

➤ summary : You just recently joined the Karasuno boy’s volleyball team as their first year manager. As you grow closer to your teammates, you also unexpectedly grow closer to one of their biggest rivals, Oikawa Tooru

➤ chapter word count: 1708

♡ masterpost ♡

-ˏˋ chapter tenˊˎ-

FRIDAY

5:48 PM

“All right everyone! Let’s start cleaning up!” Daichi announced after Coach Ukai finished wrapping up the day’s training session. You got up from the floor and did as you were told, grabbing the first crate of water bottles so you can clean them in the tap outside of the gym.

“Today is more peaceful than usual huh, Y/N-san?” Yamaguchi smiled, bending down to pick up the second crate of bottles, “Of course Noya-san and Tanaka-san was loud as ever but Hinata and Kageyama’s noisiness is just on a whole ‘nother level right?” He chuckled at his absent teammates. “Yeah.” You smiled back as you thought of the two first years who got held back by their teacher because they flopped in their test big time. Both you and Yamaguchi would kill to see the duo’s faces when Ono sensei told them that they would have to skip club activities and retake the test.

“But since Kageyama got held back, that would mean you would be going home alone again! Will you be okay? I’m sure Tsukki wouldn’t mind if you walked home with us!” He furrowed his brows, looking at you with concern. “I’ll be fine! Nothing happened yesterday anyway.” You lied through your teeth, recalling your memories of the third year Seijoh student waiting for you in front of the school gates. Though, you weren’t in any imminent danger so you comforted yourself with that thought as you lied to your friend.

The clean up session went by smoothly as usual and you said your goodbyes to your teammates to welcome the weekend. Yamaguchi was still concerned over you as you waved at him but thankfully Tsukishima dragged him off before he could ask you to walk home with him again.

The walk home was relaxingly quiet, only filled with the sound of your own footsteps and muffled car sounds from a distant street. You’ve been distracted the whole day as your brain kept replaying your encounter with Iwaizumi. And as if the world hasn't given you enough of your daily dose of Seijoh students, they decided to throw in another one different from last time.

Your feet stopped moving as the image of a brunette boy standing with his face down in front of your house. You couldn’t see his face and his hair was slightly different from usual but you knew who he was.

“What the fuck.” was all you managed to say as you stand steps away from the uninvited moping boy. As soon as the words left your mouth, the boy whipped his head up towards you, showing his dark circles even from afar.

“Y/N! I-” He started, about to run towards you but stopped last second as he saw your bewildered expressions on your face. You hated how seeing his hurt expression made you subconsciously feel bad for him. You weren’t supposed to feel any pity for him whatsoever but staying angry felt like the hardest thing to do in the moment.

Oikawa looked up towards you once again, his eyes slightly red, hesitating before speaking again. “Please let me explain. I know I’m supposed to do this ages ago but p-please.” His voice breaking towards the end.

You bit your lip as you let him continue.

“I was an idiot. I know I was. I took out my childish and petty anger towards Kageyama onto you because I’m such a selfish asshole.” He took a deep breath before continuing, “I don’t know how much you know but considering how you ghosted me, I guess you know the main idea. Yes, I did want to mess with you and pretend to be interested in you.”

Your breath hitched as all the thoughts in your mind were true. He had always been faking it and never found you remotely attractive. He only saw you as a toy to play with. You didn’t know who to be more mad at. Him or you for getting ahead of yourself and thinking you even had a chance with Oikawa.

“And I never meant to fall in love with you,” His voice was soft but was still plenty loud enough for you to hear.

“But I did.”

You cocked your head forward in shock. You stared at the boy in front of you without blinking, “I-I’m sorry, what?”

“I love you, Y/N.” His voice broke again. “I know what I’m saying is so unfair and so ridiculously insensitive but I’m telling the truth. I do love you.”

He took a deep breath as he fiddled with his fingers. His breath was shaky and his shoulders sagged low. “I only meant to go out with you a couple of times but time flies by so fast and I unconsciously kept asking you out because I wanted to see you so much. Being with you was so unexpectedly fun and you were just amazing to spend time with. I loved being with you so much that every Monday afternoon I would sprint my way to the station so I could see you quicker. I would fall on my way sometimes but I didn’t care. I just wanted to see you.”

You were speechless. All you could do was stare at him with your mouth hanging wide open. You were feeling an array of emotions ranging from confusion and glee.

“So please, Y/N.” He cried out softly as he started to slowly walk over to you, “let me make it up to you.”

“Give me a chance to make it up to you.” He grasped your idle hands and brought it up to his face where you felt his hot cheeks and tears against your bare hands.

MONDAY 3:10 PM

“Eh? Brazil? That’s so far away!” Yamaguchi stared at the red haired boy with bewildered eyes.

“Yep! I guess I won’t be attending get-togethers in the future.” Hinata smiled.

Two and a half years have passed. The third years and second years have long graduated and left the club in the first year’s hands. You’ve gone through all highs and lows of high school with the other four boys.

Two and a half years ago, you wouldn’t think you could fall in love with a sport you can’t even play. No matter how hard the boys tried their best at coaching you, you still can’t manage to spike a ball without somehow hitting it out of bounds.

“You sure you don’t want to come with us instead and get ramen, Y/N?” Hinata pouted as the five of you were inching towards the school gates.

“I’m sorry guys, but I really have to pass.” You sighed though a soft smile was evident on your face. “And Hinata, don’t get too attached to me, a certain someone will get jealous.”

“Nah he wouldn’t get jealous, that’s ridicu-”

“I would tho.”

The four of you stopped in your tracks to turn towards the setter who evidently looked confused. “Wow, never thought the king would be the jealous type,” Tsukishima scoffed, “gross.”

“What! How could you get jealous over that! I’ve watched you walk Y/N home for three years now and I’ve never said anything!” The red head bickered, punching the setter playfully on the stomach.

“T-That’s because I’m a man!”

“Damn, Kageyama, did Nishinoya-san teach you that?” Yamaguchi laughed at the odd character the raven haired setter had adopted last second.

“Sorry guys, I gotta run.” You loved spending time with your teammates especially how they get to be their rowdy selves since they finally got away from their juniors after retiring from the club but you forced yourself to pull away just for the day as you caught a glimpse of the familiar man waving at you from outside of school grounds.

“Hmph, fine.” Hinata pouted, crossing his arms dramatically.

“Later.”

“See you tomorrow Y/N!”

“Bye.”

You waved back to all of them before turning at your heel to run towards the man up front. “I’m sorry, Hinata forgot his wallet so we had to wait for him.” You explained out of breath.

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it.” Oikawa hummed as he patted your head. “Should we go?” He smiled at you, opening the passenger seat of his door to which you smiled back and nodded at.

The rest of the boys watched as the car they were so used to seeing picking you up grew smaller and smaller in the horizon. Yamaguchi’s eyes wandered over to his blonde friend who looked more fixated at the car than the other two were.

“Tsukki? You okay?” The retired captain said softly over the background of the bickering middle blocker and setter.

“I’m fine.” Tsukishima sighed, a forced smile crept up his face.

6:49 PM

“Hey.” You called out.

“Hm?” Oikawa’s muffled voice replied.

“Remember how we first met?” You said absentmindedly as you scrolled through your phone. OIkawa’s head finally left the crook of your neck and his brilliant brown eyes met yours.

“I wish I could. I was such an idiot.” He muttered before diving under the covers of his bed. You sighed in satisfaction. You loved bringing that topic up because you knew how much he hated it and how he acts all flustered about it. It was truly one of the rare ways to see the different and vulnerable side of Oikawa you rarely get to see.

“But you’re my idiot.” You hummed, diving under the covers as well before showering his head with kisses.

“You’re cruel.” He pouted. Though it was dark under the covers, his perfectly soft lips still glistened. You leaned in to give him a soft peck, “But you love me”

Oikawa’s fingers traced your jawline before cupping your cheeks, bringing them closer towards him before giving you a long sweet kiss. The butterflies in your stomach went crazy as soon as your lips got in contact with his again. No matter how many times you’ve done it before, the butterflies never seem to disappear.

“I love you, Y/N.” He messily slurred out as he pulled out from the kiss, a string of saliva connecting your lips to his.

“I love you too, Tooru.” You giggled before going in for another kiss on another fine Monday afternoon.

previous: -ˏˋ chapter nine ˊˎ-

A/N:

Gah! It’s finally done! My first ever Haikyuu fic is completed :’)

I started to write the plot three months ago and I never knew it would get any attention what so ever lmao. And honestly, I don’t know how my first fic would be a reader x oikawa one cause I truly hated Oikawa’s guts three months ago but I guess that hatred translated a bit to the plot. (I don’t hate him anymore uwu he’s baybe to me now)

I even impulsively added a lil kagehina for some spice HAHAHA and um someone get a love interest for Tsukki ASAP!!!

But thank you so much for reading this! I never thought I would get so much support on this and I plan on making even more fics!

I’m sorry if there was more drama and minimal fluff with Oikawa :’) And sorry if you thought the ending was rushed but I tried my best and I’ll try even harder next time!

Though I plan on making more x reader content, I’ll probably release more ship ff (mainly tsukkiyama, kuroken & bokuaka maybe?) Since that’s what im more good at.

Thank you everyone and I hope to see you in my next project!

(also i haven’t proof read this cuz i’m sleep deprived rn and i have school tomorrow so forgive me for any mistakes)

tag list (let me know if you want to stay on my normal tag list):

@hey-there-demonss @bumbledunce @teasbees-knees @angrylittlezizi @hvneymun @yeetabish @fandomlover-universe @air-wreckaa @siriiel

#oikawatoru_mondayafternoons #haikyuu!!#haikyuu #oikawa x reader #oikawa toru #oikawa tooru #tooru oikawa #kageyama tobio #tsukishima kei #yamaguchi tadashi #hinata shoyo #oikawa #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu!! x reader #fan fiction #haikyuu fan fiction #haikyuu!! imagines #haikyuu imagines

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homobiwan · 3 years

Note

Morning! Henlo! Bonjour!

I'm so sorry but: Warning, this is a "it's 1am and I napped earlier but I'm kinda tired but I'm also an insomniac so RIP" rant about Loki so feel free to ignore ❤️

Loki is a genderfluid pan icon and the entire reason why he hasn't been portrayed as a female or has told the Avengers to use she/her is because the Mind Stone gave his brain a jumble and figuring out gender is the last thing on his mind, so it was easier just to stick to he/him and not have to tell someone mid-battle to use the proper pronouns all while being mind controlled.

And I wanna hug him, watch Midgardian movies with him, listen to him being confused at how unrealistic it is as I play with his hair as his head sits in my lap, and tell him that I'd happily call her all the supporting nicknames when she finally goes by she/her again because I wanna see her in a super dramatic and glorious dress before stabbing someone.

Darrin, I need this.

I've loved Loki as a character with his shitty father who made shitty choices, his kinda eh mother whom he adored, his dramaticness, his style and how he was TOTALLY 100% controlled by the Mind Stone and still protected Thor so many times. But when I learnt he was queer? And when I learnt more about the LGBT+ community?

Just... gimme all the Loki hugs. Or all the hugs to Loki.

I've got a train to catch in six hours and I'm still very much fixating on Ninja Turtles but sometimes Loki's awesomeness drops into my head and now I've gushed about it for the first time.

.... Anyway, love you dude! 😂 Sorry if you're still sleepy and had to deal with my suddenness!!

👏 let 👏 loki 👏 be 👏 genderfluid 👏

MCU IM COMING FOR UR TRANSPHOBIC ASSES

#asks #remy ☕️#loki #anti mcu #marvel #Personally think of loki as bi but i support ur pan headcanon

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tracingdreams · 4 years

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Daiya no Ace: The Dramas #14 Personal Data

An explanation… To keep my brain from rusting I started a project to translate the drama tracks that came with the character song CDs and other stuff relating to Daiya no Ace (because I love them and they’re all hilarious). My disclaimer - I am not a native speaker of Japanese, but I will do my best!

Character Song CD 06: Takigawa Chris Yuu Drama Track 02 Featuring Chris, Miyuki, Furuya and Eijun

Scene: Miyuki and Chris are planning for the next game and Chris has summoned Eijun and Furuya to discuss tactics. And…other things. Chris’s notebook is, as ever, omnipotent.

Translator’s Note: What is hilarious about this drama, other than the obvious, is how polite Miyuki is to Chris, and how not polite he is to the pitchers xd. And also Chris’s secret evil, which we all know is there, behind that knowing smile.

Chris: Those who are fast runners are the first and second batters, and also the eighth batter, the catcher – he’s surprisingly quick.

Miyuki: (apparently nodding) Mm. Mm.

Chris: Even though I say they’ve got good legs, they’re not at the same level as Kuramochi or Carlos in terms of speed. So long as you can prevent them from getting a good start, with your shoulder…you should be able to take care of them.

Miyuki: I understand. We’ll use pick offs to put them on their guard about running.

Chris: If it’s the left-handed Sawamura, he might be able to do it just by glaring at them. And then…

(enter noise Eijun and not-noise Furuya)

Eijun: Thank you for your hard work so far! As Shishou has so kindly summoned me, this flawed Sawamura Eijun has now arrived!

Chris: Ah, you’re here, huh? Furuya too.

Furuya: Thank you for your hard work.

Eijun: So, what kind of purpose have you summoned me here for on this occasion, Shishou?

Miyuki: Why are you acting so formal and stiff all of a sudden?

Eijun: Because I was personally summoned here by my Shishou!

Chris: Well, the two of you might as well sit down.

Eijun: YES SIR!

Chris: Tomorrow’s practice game – you guys are going to pitch it between you, right? I thought I’d share the information I’ve gleaned about your opponents with you and with Miyuki.

Furuya: Information about the opposing team..?

Eijun: So that notebook is going to lay our opponents bare…Chris-senpai’s notebook, otherwise known as the schoolteacher’s book of Enma from the Realms of Hell? (Translator’s Note: Enma is a big deal demon type figure in Buddhism. I think Eijun may be doing a stupid play on words here as an enmachou is also some kind of teacher’s markbook.)

Miyuki: They don’t call it that, obviously!

Chris: (still impossibly calm): So, about tomorrow’s practice game…this is an opponent you could meet in proper competition. I don’t think there’s any negative side to getting a good hold on their data.

Eijun: I see. “Well prepared people never have regrets”, huh?

Chris: Well, in modern baseball, having a good level of information provision is one means of attack.

Eijun: So, to fool an enemy, start with fooling an ally??

Miyuki: If you’re going to spout sayings, surely ‘knowing your enemy and knowing yourself means no risk in a hundred battles’ would be better? What the hell are you going to do by deceiving your allies?

Eijun: Ah, you could say that as well! (laughs)

Miyuki: Stop trying to laugh it off as a joke! You just wanted to say something that sounded cool, didn’t you?

Furuya: Really annoying…

Chris: (still utterly calm): This team isn’t the kind to have explosive batting power. They’re the kind that, when a runner gets on base, they’ll use bunts to advance him and then rely on the clean up to bring them home. They have a careful line of attack in that kind of style.

Miyuki: I see (he’s back to being utterly polite again).

Chris: In terms of the lineup, the ace, who also plays as the fourth batter…he’s strong with straight balls, but he also has some sneaky breaking balls with unusual traits.

Miyuki: Sneaky breaking balls, huh. You guys should keep this in mind as well!

Eijun: Yes sir!

Furuya: Understood.

Chris: On another note, this fourth batter, last month he confessed to a female kouhai…but was rejected.

Eijun: And again, to that depth of information?!

Miyuki: I’m always impressed by the level of your data acquisition, Chris-senpai, but where on earth do you get that kind of information from, anyway?

Chris: Heh. I’m not going to so easily reveal my sources.

Eijun: It can’t be…Shishou? Are you sneaking into rival schools and spying on them in order to get this data?

Chris: Don’t say such scandalous things. If you go to a match and watch from the stands, you end up accidentally overhearing bits and pieces of people’s conversations – from the parents or guardians, or the former students especially. So I just keep them in mind for later.

Furuya: What other…kind of information..?

Chris: Well, the second batter – the right fielder – and the third batter, the centre – their parents don’t get along at all. The fifth batter, who plays first, his family run an udon restaurant which apparently has a good reputation in the neighbourhood.

Miyuki: Well, but you know, that kind of information is a bit…

Chris: The sixth batter – who plays second – has the nickname ‘Kuri-Bakudan’. Apparently.

Furuya: Kuri…bakudan?

Chris: His name is Kuriyama, and the ‘bakudan’ apparently comes from the fact his hair always looks like an explosion hit it. (Translator note: bakudan is the Japanese word for a bomb).

Eijun: How is that kind of information going to be useful, though? (He’s suddenly not so formal).

Chris: Eh…Well, you shouldn’t make fun of these tiny fragments of data. A famous catcher of the past, Nomura Katsuya, apparently put off batters at the plate by whispering details of their private lives. (Translator note: I have no idea if that is true. But Nomura was a famous catcher).

Furuya: Kuribakudan…(Translator Note: I am not sure if he is fixating on the silly name or the fact that basically this means Chestnut bomb and Furuya is a bit obsessed at times with random food words)

Miyuki: I don’t use whispering as one of my tactics, though. But I guess I have to learn from that ideal of doing whatever it takes to win.

Chris: Yeah. The opposing team will also be as frantic, after all.

Furuya: Kuri…(Chestnut)…

Chris: To put it from the other perspective, our information is as easily available from people talking carelessly in the stands as well, so we really have to be careful.

Eijun: AHHH!

Chris: What’s up, Sawamura?

Eijun: What if…

Miyuki: Yeah, what if what?

Eijun: I thought for a while now that it was weird how much Kuramochi-senpai kept asking about Wakana…

Miyuki: Huh?!

Eijun: What if…he was going to give that information to an opponent team to make me wobble at the plate?

Miyuki: (Hits Eijun): Are you a complete idiot? What kind of benefit could Kuramochi possibly get from doing that? And more to the point, a more fundamental issue is what kind of team needs information to make you distracted at the plate?

Eijun: But!

Miyuki: If there were things we wouldn’t want them to know, it would be something other than that, wouldn’t it?

Eijun: Erm…like Yuuki-senpai is bad at shougi?

Miyuki: No…something else.

Eijun: Tanba-senpai isn’t bald, but shaved his head?

Miyuki: Even if they looked into that, it wouldn’t matter, would it!?

Chris: Mm. It wouldn’t matter.

Miyuki: Er, Chris-senpai, you don’t need to agree with such a serious expression…

Eijun: Then what kind of information would it be bad for the opposition to get hold of?

Miyuki: Well, things like Furuya lacks stamina, for one thing. Other teams could try the strategy Akikawa used to try and break his tempo – that would be a big problem.

Furuya: Stamina…

Eijun: Ah…I see.

Miyuki: Mind you, that kind of weakness, the more games you play, sooner or later it’ll become obvious. Which means you need to fix it before it gets figured out.

Furuya:….Yes…sir.

Eijun: In that case, Miyuki-senpai, I would also need to fix any weak points before they were found out by a rival team, wouldn’t I?

Miyuki: Huh? Oh, well, yeah, that’s true…

Eijun: In that case, I’ll fix it! My weak point! (Pauses) By the way, what is my weak point?

Miyuki: Huh? Everything, of course. EVERYTHING.

Chris: In Sawamura’s case, there are too many things to work on.

Eijun: Don’t say that!

Miyuki: If I were in charge of the opposing team’s information gathering, I would only need to know one thing about you.

Chris: I see. That’s true.

Eijun: Just one thing? What on earth could be written on my page?

Miyuki: IDIOT of course. You need to first fix BEING AN IDIOT. IDIOT!

Eijun: Waaaah! NO WAYYYYY!

#Daiya no Ace #Ace of Diamond #Takigawa Chris Yuu #Sawamura Eijun #Miyuki Kazuya #Furuya Satoru #Drama CDs #Character Song CD #Drama Translation #Translations #Chris has hidden evils #I want to know who that pitching fourth hitter could be...

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prettyboysdontlookatexplosions · 4 years

Text

what’s up i have had like a migraine-hangover that has tanked my ability to concentrate on anything at all today except Takes. penny/kady was a relationship that made intuitive sense because of shared mutual interests (being insanely hot, petty crimes, hating nerds). between that, penny flirting while tied up with prof whose name i can never remember because i am always too excited that cutthroat bitch from house is on my TV speaking of shows that managed to have some pretty awesome female characters for how much they hated women, and penny choosing not just to hook up with alice but specifically to hook up with alice when she was even more deranged than the usual alice baseline, and his post-death admission that he always kinda thought he might bang margo, we can surmise that penny’s type is the woman in the room who seems most capable of murdering someone with her bare hands, which is why he is an ally, and also means that while the revelation that penny23 was in love with julia23 is of course a Whoa moment, it did not feel hard to believe, because julia lives her life by finding the most Extra reaction to the situation and then pursuing it 110%.

BUT THEN they never did any work to set up julia being interested in 23. their s4 hookup was kind of whatever in the sense that this show does love to just shove very sexy people at each other but (NOT UNLIKE MARGO/JOSH AS IT BEGAN) it made a certain amount contextual sense given the.... INSANE stress that julia was under between her confusion about her magic/indestructability/etc. status and her position by virtue of her loyalty to quentin as like the monster’s number two trauma action figure. you could imagine pretty easily that under this ongoing traumatic circumstance it would be pretty tempting to get with a dude who looked at you like you walked on water even if your logic-brain understood somewhere that he wasn’t really looking at you because of how you had never had a real conversation. it is idiotic that they got together because HYMAN of all people shipped it and also i actually don’t know that i agree with what hyman says about their alleged similarity, that they both put other people before themselves so often that they never let themselves be happy. that fits with penny and is basically exactly what hades says to penny to get him to let go of the earthbound life he spent all of doing that. and it was certainly true of kady, stemming from her relationship with her mom and seen in the single-minded desperation she brings to helping first julia and then penny.

but julia? tanked her relationship and her entire life because she wanted magic so bad julia? nearly killed her best friend when she was mad at him julia? thrilled to find a non-evil crew to do magic with because she just fucking loves magic julia? betrayed her recently reconciled best friend and all his friends because she was determined to have revenge julia? knowledge seeker julia? spilled the secret of her mysterious magic to josh for fun julia? i don’t.... like i don’t actually think she has that problem. i think she DOES derive a lot of personal satisfaction from helping people, which is part of what’s so lovely about her goddess scenes in season 3 (her little smile when she cures quentin’s headache ;-; ), but she’s not out here signing billion year contracts to the order. i am pretty hard pressed to think of one (1) thing that julia does seasons 1-4 for a reason other than Because She Wanted To. even in s4 when she’s so committed to the monster situation because of quentin, she’s also taking time when she can to try to figure out her own deal, or nope-ing out of a particular endeavor because it involves the guy who sexually assaulted her in a bathroom to prove a point. even giving up her goddesshood - that is a sacrifice, but it’s one she makes extremely clear-eyed, and one she explicitly says she would not take back.

julia does not have the problem that she ignores her own happiness and desires, and the more i think about this the more it grosses me out because like, with penny whose personal harm from this tendency of his is manifestly clear re: the library contract (altho the show seems to have decided that was for the best anyway LOL), but with julia... what has she ever done to or denied herself? every possible answer to this question is gross! like, is the assumption that we are supposed to believe this is true of her simply because up to that point she was the only main who had never been in a romantic relationship except for the one with james which again she tanked not to save the world but because she wanted magic more than she wanted to make good choices? (also ultimately it wasn’t even her fault bc she was gonna tell him but then pete wiped him!) like if a woman is out here living her extremely busy life and never boning anyone she must secretly be denying herself happiness? despite the fact that for example even accounting for the fact that she gets magic back privately she seems to have emotionally adjusted to life without magic WAY better than quentin, alice, or josh? or are we to infer her tendency for self sacrifice from the contours of her friendship with quentin, which, ://////////////

anyway so then like they could have (1) not done the most heinous thing in the world in 4x13 and/or (2) spent 13 episodes illustrating for us literally one (1) thing julia & penny23 actually had in common or giving us a single moment where we could understand why julia wicker the character we know would be drawn to this particular person but instead they just had them fight about 23′s insistence basically that hyman was right and julia’s insistence that actually fucking knows herself and then break up and then get back together because julia was pregnant and LOL J/K despite her series-long bone-deep passion for magic (i understand why fandom fixates on quentin in this regard but there is one (1) other character who has the pure full-throated hunger and wonder and love for magic that quentin does AND IT IS JULIA WHICH IS WHY THEY ARE BEST FRIENDS) and her sense of calling to do things that mattered which actually well preceded quentin’s death thank you very much (remember when she was like “i actually have to hit pause on the quest to bring back magic because of how i need to end fairy slavery?”) she apparently did just want motherhood & monogamy all along. COOL.

#the magicians #the magicians critical #when my bf watched the s4 finale he got to the part where julia was like #'can you just stand there and let me be mad at you'#and closed the window and was like 'so am i looking this up on wikipedia or are you telling me what happened after that bc i am NOT doing it

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couslandofhighever · 4 years

Note

1,42,101 for the da ask, please!

Thank you so much for asking! I’m excited to interact in this fandom.

1. How did you get into Dragon Age?

I got into Dragon Age last month. My best friend bought Dragon Age Origins for me when Steam had their summer sale. She has been pretty heavily into Dragon Age for a couple of years now. I’m not exactly sure when it happened, but I feel like it has to have been at least two years.

Actually, her getting-into-Dragon-Age story is a lot more interesting and dramatic than mine. It had something to do with being overworked around Christmas, and I wasn’t around to help alleviate the stress/boredom or something, and so she just pushed all her work aside and tried DAO again. She told me she had tried several times before and hadn’t really gotten into it, but that time it stuck. Then, for months and months pre-pandemic, she would come home and play one of the Dragon Age games while we interacted with each other online. It was a bit of a running gag.

Anyway, if it weren’t for her, I would never have taken the leap. I’m not that much of a Game Person. Often, I feel like video games sort of steal my time without giving me much to show for it outside the realm of the game itself. I think Bioware games are, for any faults they may have, pretty good at avoiding that particular pitfall. A few years ago, I also played the first Mass Effect game because my best friend liked it. I really enjoyed it, but I think that when I started Mass Effect 2, I got distracted and also found the gameplay a bit harder than I found DAO once I got into it on easy. I am... not a skilled gamer, nope.

Friendly fire is absolutely terrifying to me.

My best friend says I should at least try the minimal amount of friendly fire the next time I play, and she is trying to persuade me to play DA2 on normal when I start.

Dragon Age has come along right when I needed something. I’m a multifandom type person, and I never really disavow a previous fixation unless it left a really bad taste in my mouth. But I am very cautious at first about which things I let myself get fandom-level involved in. But at the same time, I sort of feel the need to have a hyperfixation (I’m not diagnosed with anything in particular to explain it, but I do think I have legitimate hyperfixations) to feel mentally healthy. I feel like having a mental escape actually helps me focus when I manage to find an equilibrium, even if it can sometimes become a tad disruptive.

Especially with the lack of things going on in my life right now, the escapism is especially helpful. My world is the same almost every day beyond real life stresses, so having Thedas to escape into is giving me much needed brain stimulation and chemical variety.

I’m also a big fan of sort of franchise-format stories. Sometimes franchising out hurts narratives more than it helps them, and the sprawl can be a bit dystopian on a real-world level, but I’m still a sucker for interconnected stories.

It also really appeals to me that the player characters in this series are semi-defined but also leave room for self-determined characterization. I love writing, but I don’t like original worldbuilding on my own. It gives me a great opportunity to practice characterization when I usually feel more confident about portraying canon characters only in fic and stuff.

Dragon Age is kind of like an otome (which is too boring), an eroge (with both the appeal and the cringe), and a Bethesda game got together and had a baby. It gives me the best of all of these and something more, too.

I am a bit nervous about the fact that the next game is going to be different, and I’ll have to mentally adjust, but this is a mechanical concern more than a narrative one.

42. Who do you wish you could romance that you can’t?

Since I’ve only played DAO and most of Awakening, it’s hard to say if there are others yet. But my answer for this one is that I refuse to believe that Morrigan is straight. Let her be bi!!! Please. I’m sure there is a mod to do this, since I know there are mods that will make Alistair interested in men, but I am more passionate about the fact that there is no way I actually believe that Morrigan is only interested in men. It’s okay to be straight, but she is not no matter what they say.

Even more ideally, let my Warden date Alistair and Morrigan in some world state.

I plan to be male characters in the next two games my first time around, which is exciting. If I were gonna be female I would probably be upset that I couldn’t date Dorian, but I don’t want them to make canon gay characters bi for that reason.

101. If you could meet your Warden, what would you say?

I would probably have a conversation with her about her concerns about being a mother, or more about becoming one being very difficult for her. Since I have outsider knowledge that this may be fixed someday.

#dragon age #dragon age origins #dao #morrigan #alistair #dorian #interactions #op #questions #noire pandora #noire-pandora #rosamunde #alistair x cousland #alistair x warden #morrigan x warden

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latent-thoughts · 4 years

Text

The Pursuit of a Simple Life (Chapter 2 - Pizza My Heart)

[Co-Authored with @emeraldrosequartz]

Rating : 18+ (there be lots of citrus here).

Warning: None

Pairing: Loki/Original Female Character

Summary: Three years after returning to Earth with the other Asgardians following Ragnarok, Loki finds himself working for SHIELD, truly just trying to fight the boredom. While on an undercover mission, he unexpectedly begins to fall for his co-worker, Gemma, and she seems to feel the same way…about Dave, his alter ego while in disguise. Can Loki continue a relationship with her while keeping his true identity a secret? How many lies can the 'God of lies' spin to keep his pursuit of a simple life?

[Post-Thor: Ragnarok (2017); THOR IS A GOOD BRO AND TOTALLY NOT HOW HE WAS IN RAGNAROK, THNX; Infinity War Doesn't Exist; Everyone lives]

A/N: Gemma and 'Dave' get to know each other a bit more over 'doggy style' pizza. And then she discovers certain things about him which are just too-good-to-be-true.

_________________________________

IMPORTANT NOTES:

Bold Text = Loki's POV

Normal Text = Gemma's POV

_________________________________

She took his hand, hoping he couldn’t feel her shaking. She felt like she was in a daze. Of Dave. A Dave Daze...

The restaurant - called “Pizza My Heart” (how awkward!) - was only a block away, so they walked over and found a booth next to the salad bar where the table wasn’t dirty or sticky.

After a few giddy minutes, Gemma finally relaxed enough to enjoy their conversation after her first slice of the “Doggy Style” pizza - Dave insisted he didn’t know what the term meant, but Gemma had her doubts. Still, she couldn’t bring herself to actually say what it meant.

And they talked...for hours. They talked about how stupid their jobs were, mostly. But he asked her so many questions about herself...she felt... special. Dave made her feel interesting and funny and cool. And as she got more comfortable with him...she started seeing him as less intimidatingly handsome and more...approachable. Like he might actually be more than just a distant infatuation.

Suddenly, the waiter told them that they were closing. Gemma looked around--they were the only ones left in the restaurant, and she hadn’t even noticed.

And it was two in the morning.

“Oh my GOD! I’m going to be a wreck tomorrow...” she groaned, but with a very happy smile on her face. “That’s ok. It was worth it. Best dinner I’ve had in a long time. Thank you, Dave!”

She raised her plastic soda cup in a toast.

Loki nudged his soda cup to hers, smiling widely. "I, for one, am very glad that I got to monopolize your time today. Finally got to know the girl who I only knew the name of. Though a beautiful name it is, I wanted more."

He watched the red creep up her peachy cheeks in response to his words. Really, making her blush was so much fun, it was almost like a game to him now.

What else could he say next to make little Gemma go red? It gave his overactive mind something nice to do, when it was not thinking about the mission.

Still, he knew that he couldn't afford to think too much about Gemma, or he'd... fixate. He had this odd habit of becoming near obsessive over things and people he developed a liking for. Moderation wasn't in his nature, Thor had once commented on it after settling on Midgard, seeing him develop an obsession over Midgardian climates and their corresponding architecture.

Oh well... for at least three years he had kept himself busy enough to not fixate on anything. The SHIELD missions were enough stimulation for his needy brain.

But now, seeing the smiling, blushing pretty face of Gemma, he was getting the feeling that his brain needed another type of stimulant.

Or was it his body?

Her brightness and endearing awkwardness contrasted him so much, it was hard not to be drawn to her. He was so full of dark thoughts, many of which had manifested during his rampage across Midgard not long ago, brought to the surface by the Scepter. While he was a churning storm, Gemma was like a fluffy fair-weather cumulus.

As they got out of their booths and headed back towards their company office, he briefly wondered how it would've been had he met Gemma back in 2012. Norns, he probably would not have shown the restraint he was showing now; he would've ended up doing something very, very bad.

Like abduct her and keep her with him. Like a pretty trinket.

But Gemma is not a possession, he reminded himself. Gemma is a person. She decides what she does, not me.

And yet, a tiny part of his psyche still wanted to possess her. He strangled that part quickly.

"So, I was thinking I should drop you home," he said, grasping her delicate hand as she headed toward the nearby, empty bus stop. "It's pretty late, and I don't want you traveling alone."

He used his very persuasive tone with her, knowing that it worked well with Midgardians and Asgardians alike. And his request was earnest as well. He actually felt protective of her and didn't want her to be vulnerable.

She was a good girl, after all. So sweet and well mannered, not a single blemish marred her gentle heart.

“But...I...it’s fine, really. I take the bus everywhere. And frankly, I’m still totally wired on caffeine. I think I’ll probably be up all night anyway...”

Oh, she knew what he was doing. But after the hours of friendly banter, she was feeling...secure. And as much as she swore she would never sleep with a co-worker...come ON. This was turning out to be the makings of a story she would remember for years to come, about how she --the humble, awkward little Gemma--slept with her hot British co-worker. And besides, the way he talked, it sounded like he was already looking for jobs at other companies, and she couldn’t blame him. This job sucked.

“Um...would you mind...if I came over for a drink? I don’t have anything at my house...”

Oh, that was a lame excuse. But she hoped it worked.

Loki grinned at her as she fumbled with her words again, still not letting go of her hand.

"Sure, I'm glad you mentioned it. I could use another drink as well, I think. And at my place, you'd be spoiled for choice."

He led her to his car then, while still mentally admonishing himself for taking this step. She was not a permanent fixture in his life, and he simply shouldn't take things in the direction he was taking them.

Alas, he was a selfish man, and he wanted to indulge himself.

Once settled in the car, he made sure to fix her seatbelt for her before getting started. Midgardians needed that bit of safety measure. Always.

As he pulled the car out of the complex, he decided that he'd probably share a drink or two with her, and then he'd... and then he'd let her be.

It was for the best.

Gemma slid down into the black leather seat of the nicest car she had ever seen. It was not just “clean,” but perfectly so, like it had been driven from a showroom. It was a beautiful white--even in the harsh yellow of the parking lot lights it looked amazing. The Jaguar XF had obviously been customized to his exacting standards, from the elegant emerald green trim on the interior, to the intricately carved details in the dashboard.

And he put her seatbelt on . She was vibrating with excitement as he walked around the car and got in, turned the ignition, and pulled out of the empty lot.

“I like your car,” she said, feeling dumb. What she wanted to say was Holy SHIT this is the fanciest car I’ve ever seen in my life! But, thankfully, she resisted. “You must be a pretty good salesman.”

"Thank you, I had purchased it back in London," he replied warmly, liking the fact that she looked as mesmerized by the interiors as she was with the exterior.

Loki was used to the attention that his cars received. He had chosen this one in particular for this mission, for he had to build a life for himself as marketing personnel, someone with a good lifestyle and a lot of extra income.

Not that he got a car for each of his missions... but SHIELD was pathetic in building this kind of a charade for the lack of funds on their part.

Loki certainly had no lack of funds, and using them on his missions was like a hobby of his.

"You have an interest in cars?" he asked conversationally as he maneuvered the vehicle easily on the now near empty roads.

“I do now!” she said, running her hand over the dashboard. It felt like silk under her fingers, and she noticed that the carvings were inlaid with gold.

Her mind drifted off, imagining what it would be like to fuck him in the back seat...

Woah, girl...it was just pizza.

She laughed silently to herself, then watched the streetlights pass over his face as they drove.

“What’s London like? I’ve never been there...”

“It's mostly quieter than New York, and parts of it really take you back in time," he replied, giving her a wink and turning his eyes back on the road. "I still have some ties to it. My family cottage on the outskirts and my house in West Brompton. I think you'd like it there."

Why was he talking to her about his life? Those actually were his properties in London, but he should not be imparting that information to her.

Well, it didn't jeopardize the mission in any way, so it was fine. Fury would never know, and even if he did, what could he do about it?

Loki knew that he was now a valuable asset for SHIELD. Fury would never do anything to change that.

As they pulled up to his apartment building, Gemma stared up and up and up the glass sides. It was massive, gorgeous, and right in the heart of downtown Manhattan. He glided up to the entrance, then got out and handed his keys to the valet before walking around and opening her door.

Gemma felt weak in the knees...and INCREDIBLY underdressed and out of place in her Avengers gym shirt and work skirt. If she had known asking to come to his place meant coming here...she would have at least wanted to touch up her make-up.

But then...he looked at her. He smiled at her! He held her hand gently and led her from the car into the enormous, luxurious lobby. Her expression probably made her look like an idiot, and if there were anything she could have done to stop it, she would have.

Unfortunately, she was well and truly dumbstruck by his apartment building. “What floor are you on?” she asked breathlessly as he led her toward the elevators.

"Oh, you'll see," he answered impishly as they entered the elevator.

He pushed the button for the penthouse, then turned to witness her reaction. She was already looking so nervous about being here, it was so very... cute.

Gemma hugged the walls of the elevator, eyes flicking rapidly between Dave’s face and the button he pushed. She honestly thought he might be messing with her, and she was waiting for him to laugh and hit the button for a lower floor. But he didn’t...and the higher up they went, the harder her heart pounded.

“Wow...I am in the wrong line of work...” She gasped, eyes wide as the elevator slowed to a stop. She heard a soft ding, and the doors opened.

Loki chuckled as he led her out of the elevator and into his penthouse apartment. Really, seeing her this impressed, he was very tempted to take her to France and to lead her into the castle he had there.

Her reaction to that would be something else...

"It's not all about the work, I come from a line of old money," he stated as he turned the lights on. "I've been very... lucky in life."

Well, at least in terms of having monetary stability and luxury…

Gemma hadn’t let go of his hand since he had helped her out of the car, but now she took a few steps away, looking at him suspiciously.

“Why the hell are you working at PAC & Co? Do they seriously pay you enough to keep doing that shitty job when you have all this?”

As impressed and amazed as she was, this just wasn’t making sense. A few hours ago they were stuck late in that crappy office with a malfunctioning printer...now she was looking out over the New York skyline from his penthouse.

Oh dear... he should've expected her sharp and curious mind to reach its own conclusions about him. This was why he had never fraternized or made friends on his missions.

This was why bringing her here was unwise. But now, it had been done, and he had to do some damage control.

It wasn't like his other missions, where he could just kill off an inconvenient loose end. Gemma was an innocent...

He let out a loud laugh at her suspicious question. "Gemma, why do you think I'm here, if not for a transitional job that won't break my job experience and give me enough time to find a better one?"

She narrowed her eyes at him, still unsure. But GOD, was she hoping he had a good reason, because she was definitely going to fuck him if he could convince her.

“What’s a transitional job? Transitioning from what?”

"I told you, I came here from London. That kind of move requires a lot of transition, no?" he asked, stepping up to her and grasping her shoulder gently. "I didn't want to be without a job during this time, for it would reflect poorly on my resume."

He had turned his voice deeper and deeper as he explained his situation to her, hoping to distract her with it.

"Do you feel differently about me now, than when we were at that pizza place?" He frowned as he asked that question, wondering why he would care so much if indeed she were to think him... what?... snobbish and obnoxious for being wealthy?

He WAS indeed wealthy. He was still a prince by his true title.

Also... if she was so suspicious of wealth, how much would she judge him if she learned his true identity? He was known all over Midgard as a wicked, unscrupulous and cruel man, after all.

“Of course I do!” she said, looking around at the luxurious furnishings. “I’m...I’m just...a little overwhelmed...” She touched the wall behind her just a bit to regain her balance.

“Maybe that drink would help?” She smiled softly, really trying to pull herself together. Dave was... amazing . Almost too good to be true...

"Sure," he responded, pulling away and leading her to his spacious, plush sofa. That monstrosity took up nearly half of the living room, and he hadn't used it much during his three month stay here.

From here, the view of the city was fantastic, displayed finely in the floor-to-ceiling windows that occupied the whole western wall of the living room. He loved watching the sunsets from here.

His bedroom was made in a similar fashion, but with east facing floor-to-ceiling windows. All in all, it was a nicely made apartment, by Midgardian standards.

"What would you like? Wine? Vodka cocktail? Beer? I'm myself going for a whiskey."

“Beer sounds great.” Her voice was small as she continued to look around the lavish apartment. So...he was from old money. In London. And this job was just helping him transition to living and working in New York. Ok. Cool.

She wanted to believe him so badly...and so she pushed down her other questions and that gnawing feeling in her gut that told her that there was more to his story.

He handed her a chilled glass of some sort of amber ale, and taking a sip of the cold beverage instantly relaxed her.

“Ahhhhh,” she sighed, settling back on the sofa. “You better be careful. I could get used to this.”

Loki could see that she was still doubting his 'old money' story about his wealth, and he had to praise her sharp mind for it.

Doubt was always healthy... especially when it came to him.

Still, he put the charm on her to keep her distracted. "Ah, then maybe I'd be tempted to spoil you."

He sipped his single malt and kept his eyes on her, which he knew, from experience, unnerved many people. For her benefit, he toned his gaze down so that she'd not feel uncomfortable, but still, made sure that she knew she had his full attention.

"So, tell me more about your family, Gemma. You talked very little about them. Do your parents visit you here? What about your sister?"

The way he looked at her over the rim of his glass sent shivers down her spine...and what did he mean he might be “tempted” to spoil her...was that...could this be more than a one-night stand? She decided not to think about it; better to just appreciate this crazy experience for what it was and not hope for anything more to come of it.

Then he brought up her family. Uuuggghhh...

“Oh, yea. They don’t...they’ve never come out here to visit.” She laughed nervously, rubbing her hand on the back of her neck, under her mousey blond ponytail. “They prefer my hometown...and they don’t understand why I moved here. My sister feels the same - she hasn’t even brought the kids over, even though I’ve invited them. But that’s how it goes sometimes, you know? Stupid perfect older sister...Mom and Dad just love her and her perfect husband and her perfect house that’s just down the block from them and her perfect life. Me, I’m just the weird one. I couldn’t wait to move out. I thought living in New York would be a lot more exciting but...well, I didn’t realize it would be so hard being on my own...”

Holy SHIT why am I SAYING all this? Way to kill the mood, Gem...

Loki couldn't help but relate to her. Younger child, perfect elder sibling, unrelatable family, loneliness...

Even though his life had its own complications, and he had contributed to his problems to some extent.

But really, he was quite surprised that Gemma's family was cold towards her. She wasn't even adopted!

"I must say, I'm very curious to know what kind of family it is that just... ignores their daughter. A daughter who is but a mix of sweetness and kindness," he murmured, putting his now empty glass away. Grasping her hand once again, he shifted closer to her to give her his earnest support. "I can see that you're taking it upon yourself, thinking that there's something wrong with you, but there isn't. You're perfect."

His sudden flattery took her by surprise, and her brain short-circuited a little. THE Dave just said she was... perfect?!

Even with all the red flags and warning bells going off in her head...she wanted him to keep saying nice things about her. It had been so long since she’d tried to flirt or gotten dinner or had drinks with someone...was he just playing with her, or...could he really mean that?

No, there were far too many layers of self-consciousness and doubt for her to accept his words at face value. She was sure he was trying to get into her pants--well, her skirt--but that wasn’t a bad thing. She appreciated what he said anyway.

And she flushed red, smiling shyly. “Stop it,” she giggled. Then she took another sip of her beer. “What about your family, Mr. Moneybags? Why did you move away from London?”

Loki sighed heavily, squeezing her hand as he looked down. Now, the lies would come pouring out of his mouth as usual. Par for the course...

"My parents died a few years ago. Rainy day, slippery road." He glanced up to see if she was going to doubt him again, but so far, she seemed to be listening intently, her beautiful chocolate eyes wide and dilated. "I have no siblings, and the extended family isn't very warm. The aunt I used to have a lovely relationship with had also died a long time ago, due to illness. So basically I was very alone and kind of depressed."

He laughed without humour, then, hoping that she'd buy his story, for the sadness in his eyes was real. He was indeed lonely. Had been for years.

"I knew that I had to do something about it before I just succumbed to it. Moreso, I knew I had more work related opportunities here in the US. So I jumped over the pond, trying to start a new life for myself."

His already frayed conscience screamed at him as he leaned towards her, locking his gaze with her intimately. She knew nothing about his true identity and he was drowning her in his charm, essentially fooling her. She'd hate him for it if she somehow learned the truth.

Oh... but she was so beautiful and pure of heart… he felt an inexplicable pull towards her.

His hand reached up and cupped her cheek.

So warm and soft...

He'd had no lovers in so long...

"I can now say that I'm glad I moved here." He moved in and nuzzled her neck, wondering if she'd pull away and reject him. Reject Dave, that is.

_______________________________________________________________

[PREVIOUS CHAPTER] Ch-1; [NEXT CHAPTER]

#Loki fanfiction #Loki fanfic #MCU Loki #Loki/OFC #TPSL Chapter 2 #TPSL #The pursuit of a simple life #Loki x OFC #Loki x Original Female Character #romance #fluff #angst #Loki in disguise #false identity #idiots in love

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fan-enby-anonymous · 6 years

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What's your opinion on the half-canon Artemis/Holly ship?

Ho boy, ok imma answer this cuz right off the bat I don’t want AH shippers on my blog. It’s not “half-cannon” as you put it *cough*Connor*cough* Every instance where Artemis and Holly are seen as maaaaybe crushing on each other people seem to ignore the fact that they’re both extremely uncomfortable and disturbed by the situation. Let’s take the big one for example, the kiss. Holly’s extremely shaken, who wouldn’t be really she thinks her friend just died, and then she’s so relieved that Artemis is ok that she kisses him, and then immediately regrets it because she’s so off balance in her current state. The whole “de-aging” thing Holly’s just experienced sounds to me like a hormonal imbalance brought on by the time tunnel, in which her body is producing a ton of growth and development hormones that aren’t supposed to be there, and I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, I can relate to your body producing hormones it’s not supposed to. It makes you act in ways you ordinarily would, ie taking advantage of Artemis, blow things out of proportion and become overly emotional, you’re angrier and your logical reasoning is...difficult to access. Just all the normal “teenager stuff” x1000. So Holly’s not acting as she normally would in this situation and she’s immediately ashamed of that. Then there’s Artemis who’s literally unconscious at the time and can’t be counted as a consenting party in this situation. Plus he’s immediately shocked and a bit disturbed when he realized what just happened and he definitely doesn’t have the time to process it before he, Holly, and Mulch are attacked again. This isn’t a romantic situation, it actually sounds more like a horror story or a court case, but the main thing is, Holly’s kissed Artemis before. Hell, at the end of that very same book she kisses Artemis goodbye before going back to Haven and nobody cared. It didn’t matter because this was an established, platonic show of affection outside of a stressful situation. The whole reason people fixated on the kiss in book six is because it got so much buildup because of all the stress Artemis and Holly are under right about then. Their brains are searching for something, anything, to focus on other than the mental and physical trauma they’ve been through in the past few hours, so they take a kiss that would have been a normal show of platonic affection and turn it into a big deal to distract themselves from the stress and fear they’re experiencing in the fragile state the time tunnel left them in. No part of that is romantic in anyway. What AH shippers are doing is taking a positive m/f relationship and forcing it to be romantic/sexual when it was only ever meant to be platonic because they can’t handle the fact that two people of different genders could be friends without ever wanting to fuck each other, and that’s a horrible, degrading, toxic mindset that keeps real people in unhealthy relationships because it’s “only natural” that your friends make unwanted advances at you because obviously every male wants to fuck every female and vice versa because obviously that’s how the world works, it’s sickening. But, I digress. The real big guns I know your waiting for me to get to is that Hartemis is pedophilia. It just is, and I’m not going to apologize for saying that. Artemis is twelve when the series begins and Holly is in her eighties, and even if we’re considering human to fairy age ratios Holly would be in her late twenties early thirties as the series begins, still pedophilia. Holly is an adult with an established career, Artemis is a teenage who gets his ass kicked every ten minutes because he can’t leave well enough alone. A romantic relationship between them wouldn’t be healthy. And before you say “but AUs” because I know that’s your one and only defense here considering we’ve discussed this at length, AUs are established as a supplement to a cannon world which exists and has rules. Even in an alternate universe, the REAL universe still exists and its characters are the only characters that can truly exist, AU characters are only their shadows. So playing around with an aged up/down AU for the sake of guilt free Hartemis scenarios is still intrinsically wrong, because AU characters are only mutated versions of real characters and AU characters still represent their real counterparts. Taking an AU character and making them act immorally and ooc isn’t excused simply because it’s an AU because those characters have the names, dispositions, and moral codes of their real counterparts. They represent something real, and a “technically ok” ship representing a pedophilia, fetishized, inter-special ship is still pedophilia and 100% not ok because AU characters are stand ins for real characters that must follow real rules. So yeah Hartemis can burn, it ain’t cannon.

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satireknight · 6 years

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TMNT S02E012 - The Catwoman from Channel 6

No, no jokes about Batman’s love interest. That is low-hanging fruit I choose not to pick. Probably. Maybe.

Splinter is trying to meditate, but is constantly distracted by the sound of the monster movies the Turtles are watching.

Splinter drops in to say that too much TV rots the mind and promotes violence.... so he says to the ninjas on a cartoon TV show. I can’t tell if the show is being ironically meta or not.

Meanwhile, Shredder has Rocksteady and Bebop standing on a transporter.

Yes, they call it a matter transporter, but I’m expecting someone to say “energize.” To demonstrate what it can do, he transports Rocksteady and Bebop straight to the city dump, where they are flushed down a giant pipe into the sewers... which is not how that system works, I think.

But guess where they pop up.

Unsurprisingly a fight breaks out immediately, with Rocksteady and Bebop trashing the place, including the TV set.

Shredder decides it’s time to teleport them back just then, as an orange cat comes in looking for head scritches and crawls all over the control panel.

Rocksteady and Bebop are zapped back to where Shredder is, and the Turtles are left confused but relieved. Fortunately Bebop and Rocksteady have no idea how to backtrack to the Turtles’ lair, because they have six brain cells apiece.

The Turtles seem a little more concerned with the fact that their TV has been smashed, so they call April and tell her that they have an emergency, and that they need her to bring a spare TV set.

Splinter also fills her in on the fight with Bebop and Rocksteady, and she finds a carton of Chinese food from Woo’s Oriental Palace that one of the goons left behind. Apparnelty the idea of letting her go there alone is enough to stir the Turtles from their TV-induced fixation, because “That place is really bad!” “And the food is even worse.”

Woo’s turns out to be a restaurant almost entirely populated by Asian stereotypes of one flavor or another.

They also don’t take to April announcing she’s a TV reporter, so she lies and says she’s a food critic instead. They might hate her even more for that. She asks Woo if he has served two customers who look like a rhino and a warthog, and he unsurprisingly does remember such individuals. Methinks they would stick in your mind. He tells her where the food went to, and she heads off to an empty building at the end of the pier.

April finds the matter transporter immediately, and starts snapping photos.

Just then the orange cat comes in, steps on some buttons, and then scampers onto the transporter pad.

April feels really weird afterwards, and is horrified that her nails are just as pointy and claw-like as they were before.

She heads home and encounters Irma, while surrounded by a small herd of cats. She’s already acting weird, vocalizing a bit like a cat and referring to Irma as a human. And after Irma leaves, she decides to lap up some milk.

The Turtles, meanwhile, have also gone to Woo’s, and the mere sight of them is enough to inspire a fight with the patrons.

April is still acting weird, and Irma is starting to clue in that there is something odd going on with her.

April blurts out a heavily truncated version of what happened to her, just as she fully transforms into a cat mutant.

Now she wants to go back to the transporter and somehow reverse what happened. Irma tries to stop her from leaving, but she just jumps out the nearest window.

Fortunately Irma finds her Turtle Com nearly, and is able to contact the Turtles, who unsurprisingly have zero idea who she is, but agree to meet her anyway. Also, that whole visit of theirs to Woo’s was just an excuse for a fight scene.

April gets back into the room with the transporter, but Shredder and his mutants have since returned.

Fortunately for him, Shredder happens to have a cage directly over where she’s standing.

Meanwhile, Irma meets up with the Turtles, who are employing their usual trenchcoat disguises.

April seems to have gotten kinda muddle-brained from the whole mutation thing, but then Rocksteady plops a mind-control collar on her, which makes it all even worse.

Which raises the question: if that works on a cat-person, would it work on a regular person? The possibilities of this device are not being fully explored, my friend.

Anyway, he sends her after Splinter, and she decides to bring a tiger along for good measure. Or rather, she lets it wander off and corner the Turtles in an alley, prompting Donatello to ask, “April, is that you?” He must think she’s incredibly mad at them for the TV thing. The tiger tries to pounce on them, and nearly gets Donatello before he gets hoisted onto the fire escape.

And as if the theme of this episode wasn’t evident, look at the pillows and wall art.

Meanwhile, Splinter is wondering where the Turtles have gotten to when he sees the shadow of a cat on the wall, and freaks out.

He lets slip that he’s apparently afraid of cats, presumably because of the whole rat thing, but not necessarily. He’s trying to meditate away his nerves when the tiger and a mutated April appear... so I’m guessing, not successful. Actually, this is probably the kind of thing he has nightmares about.

The Turtles and Irma, meanwhile, are searching for the cat that was on the pad with April.... so it should take them a few decades to locate one stray cat. Raphael even points out how ridiculously against them the odds are.

Fortunately the cat finds them, and while it snuggles him, Donatello asks again, “Is that you, April?” Donatello, there was already a cat involved in all this. Try to keep up. And on the desperate-for-female-attention kick, Raphael seems oddly pissed when Donatello says that this proves he’s April’s favorite.

Splinter calls them just long enough to say he needs help, and Irma comments that the name “Splinter” sounds “cute.” Sigh. We almost made it through an episode without Irma being sad.

Splinter tries to talk April down, but the collar is affecting her mind.

Leonardo seems to have slightly better luck getting through to her, but the collar reasserts itself and causes her to start attacking Splinter once again. Leonardo dashes forward and cuts the collar right off.

Which, unfortunately, doesn’t deal with the tiger who seems to be in a perpetual state of pissiness. Fortunately, Michelangelo just happens to have a robot mouse on his person (why?) and manages to redirect the tiger into a nearby cage. Great, but how will the zoo authorities get it back without finding their lair?

The whole matter transporter plot thread needs to be tied up, so Rocksteady and Bebop chase a mouse onto it, lightly strike the pad and cause the entire machine to explode. Damn, Dimension X tech is fragile.

Meanwhile, April has just... sort of gone back to normal. Yeah, the Turtles don’t have to do anything to restore her to her human form; she just gets over it. This is the biggest disappointment in the episode, IMHO, because it feels like a cop out. Much is made of how she has to reverse the transformation, but it turns out she just needed to sit in her apartment and eat tuna for a weekend.

Irma then shows up... don’t ask me how she knew where their lair was... because hse’s convinced herself that Splinter is her dream man. Amazingly, Splinter is NOT having a complete nervous breakdown over the events of the last day, and comes in just in time to horrify her.

VERDICT:

This one gets a stamp of “okay.” It might have ranked a little higher if the resolution of April’s whole catness hadn’t been resolved with “She got over it, end of story.” But the fact that the main problem of the plot was handled so limply just left a bad taste in my mouth.

Is this the second episode to make reference to The Fly?

Actually, there are a few elements of the story that feel like they were never really dealt with. For instance, the Turtles’ fixation on their monster movies felt a little artificial, since they didn’t seem to care that their secret home had been invaded so much as that their TV was smashed. And it just sort of petered out, since they stop watching TV and never start again.

Admittedly it was interesting to see Irma interacting with the Turtles, since she’s been talking about them for several episodes (first with disbelief and then with increasing interest). She’s a very different character from April, so it was interesting to see a different dynamic there.

Grade: C

#tmnt #tmnt 1987 #teenage mutant ninja turtles #satireknight

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tessatechaitea · 7 years

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Kamandi Challenge Special #1, Part One: “Kamandi, the Last Boy on Earth!”

A 40 page giant spectacular?! Welp, there goes my whole day.

I can't tell if Doctor Canus is a family name or a derogatory slur.

This is what happens when you edit your own material. You think scrawling "ME!" really hugely across every other page is what the readers want. The readers are not your unchecked massive ego, Jack! Assuming Doctor Canus is actually a doctor and not just a dog pretending to be a doctor like half the dogs I've ever met, what does he know about alien lifeforms? Why should Kamandi take his word for it that she shouldn't excite it? My guess is he's talking from experience. "Look at how scorched my proboscis is! This thing is dangerous! Also, for your own edification and the satiating of your curiosity, this creature does not seem to have an anus." Doctor Canus (hey! That has "anus" in it!) is a typical dog with low self-esteem so he has to pepper everything he says with multi-syllabic words.

It's called a boner, Ben Boxer.

Instead of saying he's learned to communicate with it, Doctor Canus says he "established some sort of contact with it." Christ, Doc. Do you have to molest every form of living being that lands on your pervert dog island? I assume the contact is sexual based on all the dirty talk on the previous pages about how the alien made Ben "grow" and then "reversed" the process and then, I'm assuming, took a nap.

When you edit yourself, "we" and "us" are different.

Doctor Canus might be able to talk and remove gall bladders now but he still talks like an idiot dog would probably talk. "Look! It is one thing! Now it is two things! Now it is many things! ROWF! ROWF! I'm a good boy! I scienced!" Doctor Canus concludes that living energy is the ultimate life form. I should probably accept that this dog knows what he's talking about. Jack Kirby didn't spend a few hours at his desk with a pencil in his mouth thinking, "How do I convey to the reader that this talking dog really knows what he's talking about? Oh! A high collar! And make him a doctor!" The living energy just wants to go home but it can't find it's way. Ultimate life form, my ass! I almost never forget my way home when I leave the house. I'm so much smarter than this living energy. Me the Alien throws a temper tantrum because it's upset. It's tantrum takes the form of an electrical storm and begins killing all of Prince Tuftan's adorable royal tiger guards.

Doctor Canus uses the most tried and true disciplining tactics he knows. Lucky for the living energy's tender proboscis, the future doesn't have rolled up newspapers.

Doctor Canus explains that Me the Alien trusts him because he is a scientist. I wonder how it knows he's a scientist? I know I couldn't tell a cool dog from a nerdy dog. Doctor Canus heads off with Me the Alien to examine the flying saucer it came in. That's probably a good place to start if you're looking to help it find it's way home. Prince Tuftan and Kamandi look at each other covered in sand and dog shit and share a moment where they both laugh uproariously at how stupid the other one looks. "You're a walking, talking tiger covered in sand fleas and seaweed!" "Well, you're a young topless girl in hot pants and go-go boots!" Then they laugh and laugh! Afterward, Prince Tuftan makes sure to mention how he hasn't laughed in a long time because there's nothing remotely funny about the end of the world. Except maybe the idea that a dog can do science. It turns out Prince Tuftan is also a teenager like Kamandi. It's hard to tell since he's a tiger. While the two teens hang out on the beach and smoke the reefer, gorillas attack Tuftan's ship off-shore! Fucking monkeys! You know they're on the villainous side because they're monkeys. Sentient apes and gorillas always wind up being bad guys: Grodd, Mallah, probably other ones. Unless they have the possibility to fuck a hot chick like in Angel and the Ape and then they'll generally behave. One platoon of gorillas storm the island to capture Prince Tuftan and Kamandi.

The monkey men work for the Wayne Foundation. Of course it survived the apocalypse! I bet Bruce's brain is in an ape's body now.

Chapter Two ends with the reader discovering that these are "Gorilla Commandos" and the reader falls all over themselves with laughter at the pun. How old is this comic? Is he the first to use the Gorilla/guerrilla pun? Probably! I bet it's why people hold him in such high regard. I just realized this entire series wasn't just written by Dan Didio. I guess he lost his hold on rewriting all of Jack Kirby's characters when DC flushed The New 52 down the Rebirth toilet.

I don't think I'm reaching when I say there's a whiff of subliminal sodomy in this dialogue. The lead gorilla's name is, after all, Ramjam.

The gorillas are only interested in kidnapping Prince Tuftan. They seem to think of the humans as animals. Thanks, Trump!

To be fair to the ape, he understood the regular English language as well as the language of violence.

Kamandi rushes off to fetch Doctor Canus. Usually it's the other way around, amirite?! No? Anyway, Kamandi is flipping the fuck out like anybody who was the last girl on Earth being threatened by anal sex fixated sentient apes. She's all, "Dog! Dog doctor! Doctor who is also a dog! Attack! Kill!" Doctor Canus is all, "Well, this is most unfortunate! I'm busy doing science and those damn apes are interrupting the sciencing!" And Kamandi is all, "Also they're killing tigers and kidnapping Prince Tuftan!" And Doctor Canus is all, "But I'm about to make a major science breakthrough with science! Can't those damn apes wait?!" And Kamandi is all, "They're going to sell the U.F.O. which I probably shouldn't call a U.F.O. because it's totally an alien space ship and not unexplained at all and currently not flying either." And Doctor Canus is all, "What? They're going to sell the ship?! They must be stopped!" Fucking scientists and their agendas and priorities. They don't care about human or tiger life at all. They just want to make some kind of major science breakthrough so they'll get a treat. Doctor Canus explains to Kamandi that they'll make Me the Alien fight for them. But Kamandi is all, "Is that right? Should we really exploit it in such a manner?"

Don't tell me. I don't want to know. I mean, I sort of want to know. Okay fine. I desperately want to know!

The fourth chapter is called "Satan in the Sand!" With the exclamation point which I feel I need to explain since American copy editors would insist the exclamation point go on the inside of the quotes even if I were using it to express my own excitement of the name being "Satan in the Sand!" Maybe. I don't really care what copy editors say. I edit my own writing. The Gorillas move in to take the space ship when they're confronted by Doctor Canus and Kamandi.

"I am a scientist! I am not defenseless!" "He's a witch! WITCH DOG! WIIIIIIITCH!"

Most of the gorillas, being typical post-world morons, are all, "A talking animal! It must be witchcraft! Spells! Sorcery! Fake news!" But Ramjam, being the leader which means he probably went to college and understands science and how it can be used to manipulate idiots by telling them science is full of bias and agendas, points out that anybody can teach an animal to talk. So easy! Also maybe the scientist was using ventriloquism! To keep Ramjam from Of Mice and Menning Doctor Canus, Me the Alien takes the form of a giant sand giant which attacks the gorillas. Gorillas, being a superstitious and cowardly lot, mostly run off to complain about how arrogant Doctor Canus is. But Ramjam stands his ground and throws a grenade at the beast. He also calls the grenade a "demolition dumpling" which is so poetic that I just flipped off Robert Frost for wasting so much of my time. When the Demolition Dumpling fails to defeat Me the Alien, Ramjam and the other gorillas surrender. Doctor Canus locks them in Me the Alien's spaceship. Me doesn't seem to suspect that perhaps he made a terrible deal. That's his fucking way home, not a prison for bone-headed apemen! Prince Tuftan arrives and explains how he escaped: the apes forgot to kill the tigers. At first it sounds like Jack Kirby just ran out of room and was all, "Fuck it! The apes probably lose interest in things quickly and wandered off. Day saved!" But instead, Tuftan was just pointing out that the only safe tiger is a dead tiger. So he and his fuzzy guards slaughtered the ape-men. Doctor Canus and Kamandi congratulate him but don't shake his blood soaked hand. Instead they send the prisoners off with him. Kamandi chooses to stay on the island and help Doctor Canus make a body for Me the Alien. That seems weird. It's easier to make a body for an unknown life-form than to fix its space ship? Anyway, I'm particularly glad I don't have to read the second issue based on the title.

Yuck! It must be pretty disgusting to be a bigger surprise than World War II.

That's it for Part One! Be here whenever next time is for Part Two of Kamandi Challenge #1!

#Jack Kirby #Kamandi Challenge #Kamandi #The Last Boy on Earth #DC Comics

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