#any time there’s a lot of stuff that needs to be dealt with or something lex will refer to it as eighty fifty things
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Part One Two Three
Dustin looks squirrely, which is as weird as it is nerve wracking for Steve. When Dustin looks squirrely it’s usually shit like he’s keeping a baby fucking demo dog as a pet.
Which Steve just...doesn’t want to deal with it any more. He’s had enough. He needs Dustin to have normal kid shit problems, not apocalyptic ones.
So Steve is, silently, praying to whoever will listen that Dustin wants, like, the sex talk or something, and not that there’s an inter-dimensional creature with a taste for nougat in Hawkins.
“Eddie says he’s okay.”
Which, Steve just kind of shrugs, because it’s the same message Dustin’s been bringing back for months. Nancy and Robin have stopped to listen too. John and Argyle have gone on a snack run and the rest of the kids are outside; so this feels kind of worryingly tactical on Dustin’s part that he’s telling a very select group this information.
“I’m pretty sure he isn’t, though.”
“Okkkayyyy...tell us what’s going on,” Robin leans against the counter, and Steve is so glad Dustin chose to do this with the girls here.
“Well,” and Dustin looks squirrely again and Steve figures he...he thinks he must be betraying Eddie, or something, “I thought he was, at first, you know? He was planning campaigns and writing music and just seemed to be...you know. Normal.”
“But…”
“Well he...the last few times I’ve been there he...he hasn’t gotten out of bed and,” Dustin wrinkles his nose, ready for the big betrayal, “there’s always a lot of empty like, beer cans and stuff and...he smells kind of. Bad.”
The girls looks at each other before Nancy finally says, “we will go and see him, don’t worry, it’ll be fine.”
Steve watches as Dustin relaxes, and realizes for the first time that this was, probably, way over Dustin’s pay grade, emotionally speaking. They are the adults, and dealing with someone who...well, it’s got to be depression, right? Eddie was never okay, he was faking to start with. Even Steve can figure that out from what Dustin’s just said. Just because they’ve dealt with alternate dimensions and world ending monsters, it doesn’t mean that Dustin is equipped to deal with shit like this – yeah, definitely heavy stuff for a kid. And Eddie, would Eddie have been able to fake it if say the girls, or Steve, had gone over? Would they have noticed a problem that Dustin just, didn’t? Because for all they’ve been through, they’re still just kids. Dustin might not have noticed that Eddie was dragging himself out of bed and cleaning up just for the one or two hours a week that Dustin was stopping by.
But Robin would have...and Nancy definitely would have.
And now Eddie doesn’t have the energy to just...fake it any more, simple as.
This is heavy shit, too heavy for Dustin to have to deal with.
And that’s how Steve ends up ferrying the girls to the brand new Munson trailer, right at the other end of the park from where the old one was. Nancy’s in full investigative reporter mode, Steve can sense it. Luckily, Robin goes first, " we shouldn't have left him this long."
Nancy hums in agreement.
The doors not locked and no one answers, so they all end up spilling unceremoniously into the bedroom.
Dustin was being kind; it reeks of stale cigarettes and sweat. He was being nice about the beer cans too; it’s not just beer cans, worryingly there’s also empty vodka bottles and even a couple of wine bottles in the mix.
This is not something that has happened recently; this has been going on for months.
The place is a mess. Like a can’t even see the floor kind of mess.
In the middle of his visibly dirty bedding, Eddie snores on, oblivious.
“Steve, you get him in the shower, Robin and I will clean this up.”
Steve’s dubious, but he shakes Eddie’s shoulder gently. Nothing.
He tries again, firmer this time, and Eddie comes awake with an undignified snort and hands flapping at Steve’s, trying to get the movement to stop.
Steve can hear the girls rummaging out in the kitchen, looking for trash bags and rubber gloves, maybe a box for the bottles.
Maybe two boxes.
Steve shakes him again, “Eddie come on.”
Eddie does blink up at him then, clearly groggy and confused, but he smiles. Smiles so big and happy, he grasps one of Steve’s hands now, rather than trying to push it away, still smiling, he pulls it up to his mouth and kisses Steve’s knuckles softly.
Steve doesn’t know what his face is doing, but Eddie’s frowning, something like realization dawns on Eddie’s face, and then throwing Steve’s hand away like it’s burning him. Eddie moves quick, scrambling to the edge of the bed and leaning over it, and Steve realizes what’s about to happen a second too late; Eddie starts to throw up just as Steve moves, so his sneakers do get splattered a little bit.
Which...Steve’s probably trudged through worse, realistically speaking. There’s not really anything Steve can do about it now, so he gingerly sidesteps the splatter of vomit and, briefly, feels really sorry for the girls, “come on Munson, up.”
Eddie grumbles nonsensically, but does allow Steve to heave him up, his head lolling, still clearly very drunk. Eddie doesn’t put up much of a fight when Steve strips him; made easy by the fact that he’s wearing a stained tee shirt and dirty boxers that Steve abandons in a smelly pile on the bathroom floor.
He’s too thin; far too thin. Barely any weight at all on Steve’s arm, ribs all knobbly and skin stretched strangely over his joints.
Eddie slides to the floor under the warm water and Steve, not wanting to get any damper, makes no effort to stop him. At least sitting on the floor he’s safe; he can’t fall any further. Steve vaguely recalls something about little kids being able to drown in an inch of water, and keeps half an eye on Eddie as he digs around for toiletries.
He finds a sad bar of soap and shudders, but it’ll do. Steve gives Eddie the most perfunctory scrub down ever, doing his best not to look at or be aware of any part of Eddie’s body as he flicks the cloth over it.
The towel that’s hanging up looks dubious, but better than nothing.
Eddie’s showing no sign of rousing; Steve has no idea if he’s just...really really drunk still, or if he’s hiding. Steve’s brain prods at what he saw; Eddie’s reaction to him.
There’s one logical conclusion that he’s trying his best to avoid. Unfortunately, no matter how he angles it...his conclusion remains the same. There’s one obvious answer. Eddie looks like a sad drowned rat under the water, and Steve shuts it off, covering him with the one sad towel.
Eddie shivers without the heat of the water, and Steve tries not to feel guilty. This isn’t his fault. He’s not...if Eddie had a Steve, he’s not him. He didn’t, die, or anything. It’s a bit of a headfuck, and thankfully Robin interrupts by shoving the door open far enough to press through a bundle of clothes; black sleep pants and a hoodie, but better than nothing, “there’s no clean clothes, it’s the best we could find,” she whispers.
Which, okay, they’re kind of musty, but at least not obviously dirty.
Eddie huffs through Steve pulling his clothes on, standing awkwardly as Steve pulls his pants up like you would with a little kid.
Steve dumps him on the couch; immediately feeling bad about the whole thing. Guilt, maybe, but he pushes that away harshly because this isn’t Steve’s fault. It’s no one’s fault.
Well, except for the labs and then One. But there’s no one here to blame and it’s...ridiculous that Steve would feel bad about it.
This isn’t the time. Eddie’s passed out again, so Steve gets a glass of water from the kitchen, leaving it on the table where Eddie will find it, before he goes to help the girls.
“We absolutely cannot leave him here.”
“No, agreed, being alone is not good for him.”
“He’s not alone,” Steve protests, “Wayne’s here.”
“And Wayne works twelve hour nights six days a week and has done nothing about this so far,” Nancy replies, brooking no argument, “we’ll take him to yours, he needs to dry out.”
“Mine?” Steve squeaks, “look, uhm, maybe not mine-”
“Why not yours?” Robin cuts him off, “you have the space, and no one else around. I can come and stay, help you keep an eye on him.”
And although all of that is true, Steve doesn’t know how to tell them what he’s just figured out, and having Eddie in his house feels...awkward as fuck.
Eddie’s like a zombie out of one of his games. He has to be encouraged out of bed, Robin putting herself to the task, and that takes a good hour on the really bad days. He picks at toast. He picks at eggs. He picks at whatever's put in front of him.
He doesn’t fight it when they take the spirits away, he doesn’t fight it when he’s allocated three beers a day; he never looks for more. He doesn’t fight anything. He’s broken. So broken Steve has no idea what to do about it. The kids come and go, maintaining conversation around Eddie that Eddie will vaguely engage with whenever one of the kids addresses him directly.
Otherwise he sits there, inert. The kids talk about school and their nerd games and all that normal stuff, and then they leave again.
Sometimes it’s just Eddie and Steve in the house, and that's enough to make Steve want to throw himself into the lake; Eddie’s presence is uncomfortable, and Steve immediately feels guilt every time he feels like that.
Eddie saved their lives. Eddie fought off actual mind control and took out One like it was nothing. Eddie saved the world, at great fucking sacrifice to himself, and Steve feels like a total dipshit every time he has to remind himself of it.
He has to do something for Eddie. He has to try and get through to him somehow.
He has an idea, and when he tells Robin he’s going out for a bit, she doesn’t question it.
Steve delivers Wayne an update when he picks up Eddie’s records. Wayne seems like a good guy, even though he’s completely out of his depth with Eddie, he seems to be able to roll with the punches. He believes the kids want what’s best for Eddie, and that seems to be enough for him for now.
Eddie’s lying on the couch, staring at the ceiling, seeing nothing.
Steve picks one of his records at random, ‘Holy Diver. Dio,’ and puts it on the record player on low. He has Eddie’s guitar too, his notebooks, the rule books from his dumb game. Steve brings it all in in bits and pieces and leaves it on the coffee table. He leans Eddie’s guitar against the end of the couch.
By the time he’s finished, Eddie seems more alert; is actually watching Steve. Steve gives him a nod, and leaves him to it.
It changes something. Something undefinable. Eddie seems to be...making an effort. Robin says she thinks he’s coming around; remembering how to be a person. She thinks he’s making a good first step. He still drinks three beers a day, but they’re pretty much the weakest ones available and Steve thinks he’s doing it more out of habit than anything. There’s no other alcohol in the house.
What Steve thinks he knows has been gnawing at him too. Bothering his insides. He understands the girls logic; this is probably the best place for Eddie to be, but given what Steve thinks he’s figured out, this might also be the absolute worst place for Eddie to be.
He feels like he’s haunting him; the dead love of Eddie’s life, following him around every single day. Steve can’t even imagine what that’s like; Eddie even just having to look at him must hurt. Other questions always follow, like, why Steve? Was it random? Eddie must be gay, right?
Was Steve just the easiest one for Eddie’s brain to summon up in the moment? Or was there something else there, feelings that were easy to manipulate? Was there a reason it was Steve, or not?
He could spend hours chasing the thoughts if he let himself. Instead he makes himself and Eddie something to eat, a couple of sandwiches, and then takes them through. He sits, eating his own, and watching as Eddie nibbles on his. Things have moved; even as Steve watches, Eddie puts down the sandwich and scribbles in his notebook.
Steve’s just getting up to leave when he stops at the sound of Eddie clearing his throat, he still won’t look at Steve when he speaks, “thanks, uhm, for getting my stuff.”
It’s been a while since Eddie has spoken to Steve directly, and Steve hesitates a second, feeling like this is his chance to try and...he doesn’t know. Say something meaningful. Fix Eddie, somehow, say the exact right thing to make it better, eventually he just says, “no problem, man.”
Eddie nods, Steve waits in case there's more, but there doesn’t seem to be. He makes it to the kitchen door before Eddie speaks again, “you guys, you’ve probably saved my life.”
He is looking up as Steve now, chewing on the end of his pencil nervously, “you saved ours first,” Steve tells him.
Eddie huffs out the smallest, driest laugh, “didn’t realize it was a competition, Harrington.”
Steve leaves him to it, it’s not much, but it’s a start.
“You had a kid, right? Tell me about them?” It’s a push Steve knows. Their brief conversations turning into the occasional ten minutes on the deck when they both go out for a cigarette might have become regular, but they’re by no means secure. Steve might be about to bring the whole fragile thing down, but he needs to know. It’s eating him alive.
Eddie just shakes his head, ‘no.’ and sips at the beer he has. A beer Steve is pretty sure Eddie should not have, even if it is only a psychological thing, at this point, but Robin continues to be adamant that Eddie going completely cold turkey would be a really bad idea, so Eddie continues to have an allowance.
‘Well, fuck it,’ Steve thinks, ‘might as well try it,’ “come on, they were ours, right?”
Eddie snorts, “she was always more like you than-” he stops, cutting himself off. But it’s all the confirmation Steve needs.
Eddie looks at him then, horrified, before scrambling up.
“Eddie, stop, it’s okay-” Steve tries.
“Fuck you Harrington,” Eddie growls at him with more emotion than Steve's seen in Eddie since the whole thing happened, and then throws the beer bottle, not at Steve, exactly, but close enough that broken glass scatters around his shoe, beer smattering the patio slabs and the smell of it rising to fill Steve’s nose almost immediately.
Eddie stomps into the house, and Steve can hear Robin asking what happened, clearly concerned; she must have heard the bottle smash, “I cannot stay here with him,” Eddie spits, before the moment passes.
Robin comes out a moment later, “Nancy’s with him, what the fuck just happened?”
Steve’s a little stunned by the confirmation and then the close run in with the beer bottle, but regardless he wouldn’t hide this from Robin, “it was me, Robs. The...Eddie’s wife? I guess, not a wife, me.”
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sometimes me or lex remember that time she was on call with her bf and she said “capiche?” and I interjected saying “isn’t that a food?,, oh wait. quiche.”
#deity dialogue#she brought it up last time i saw her#it is not my fault that the two words sound very similar and I am very very dumb#like I very instantly remembered it was quiche but the damage was done#so she’ll just be like ‘yeah we’re gonna get some capiche’ you don’t gotta do that to me smh#I am unfortunately very stupid and say so many things that reflect this#and as such I am highly quotable in the worst possible way#and I’m also forgetful so I’ll forget shit and then lex or kane will reference what I’ve said#it has been three whole years and I haven’t lived down saying ‘I have to pack eight fifty things’#any time there’s a lot of stuff that needs to be dealt with or something lex will refer to it as eighty fifty things#I will never be free#or kane bringing up me saying snakes don’t have spines#me saying ‘creeps in the trees’#and the list goes on I just can’t remember the rest#every day I open my mouth and say at least one dumbass thing and I have to pray it doesn’t stay rent free in my friends heads (it always#does) but fr it’s really funny#I am nothing if not quotable (derogatory)#sure I’m dumb and like failing in life but people find me funny and charming because of how stupid I am so technically I’m winning
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#I think it’s just mental breakdown time#like. I can’t get out of bed. can barely move actually because of pain#someone keeps slamming doors and it’s giving me flashbacks and I’m on the edge of a panic attack#I need to talk to someone who understands me but like. that’s not going to happen#my roommate doesn’t understand me#she told me to just get a diagnosis today when I was complaining about the ODA not giving me an accommodation unless I have a diagnosis#like. 1- I’m trying do you know how hard that is and 2- how is that helpful in any way#she will talk about her stuff a ton and barely listen to me if I’m talking about something that doesn’t interest her#I dealt with a conversation about economics because she wanted to talk about that! but I talk about something that interests me and#she doesn’t listen. at least she’s upfront about it#but also like she always gets back really late and is still energetic then#and I’m just trying to rest#it feels like she half sees me as a girl still#I can never tell with cis people#also she said that I have a lot of issues in reference to like my mental illnesses and disabilities and stuff in a tone that was not. ideal#it’s like living with my parents in some ways. I can only stick to surface level topics#at least if I ask for a boundary to be enforced she’ll listen#but uh. yeah. having fun#it’s 11:13 and she’s still not back#it’s Wednesday what are you doing at 11 pm on a Wednesday night
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Tommy POV, wc: 2890, full version on ao3
Tommy Hagan is not jealous of Eddie Munson.
He’s not.
There’s nothing to be jealous of, in his opinion, and Tommy probably wouldn’t be thinking about him at all if Eddie wasn’t the most publicly well known member of his graduating class – well, he hadn’t actually been in his graduating class, Tommy supposes.
They had been seniors at the same time, though.
If Tommy happened to be jealous of anything – and that’s a big if – it would probably have something to do with the famous thing. Everyone has a small part of them that wants to be famous at least in some capacity, he’s pretty sure, even if Eddie isn’t really, truly famous – not like the red carpet celebrities. He’s a writer. Even the most well known writers never get all that much attention, but Munson has his own Wikipedia page, and that’s more than anybody else from Hawkins, Indiana can say. Hawkins itself barely even has a Wikipedia page, and it’s only because of all the atrocities that happened in town in the mid-eighties.
Tommy hadn’t been around for the end of it all – the earthquake-slash-serial killer situation that never made any sense to him. He remembers his mom calling him at his college dorm when the deaths first started. He remembers her asking, “You went to school with that Munson boy, right? Do you think he could do something like this?”
And Tommy had been twenty and a total moron, so he’d said some dumb shit like, “Yeah, he’s into freaky stuff like that. Somebody should’ve put him on a list ages ago,” even though four years of experience told him that Eddie was all bark, no bite. Tommy hadn’t been surprised at all by the statements that later came out clearing Eddie's name, and by then his parents had already high-tailed it out of Hawkins so it all sort of became irrelevant to him.
Tommy never even returned to Hawkins one single time after he left for college (barring his high school reunion, obviously), and twenty years after graduation, he doesn’t really think about those years all that much.
He doesn’t love the person he’d been in high school. He was whiny and immature and had his priorities all messed up. Most of the memories he has of his teenage years, he looks back at and cringes, feels a whole lot of shame and embarrassment, but also some pride at how much he’s grown over the last twenty years. He also knows he’d been kind of a dick in high school, but that he’s less ashamed of. It’s normal, he knows, for kids to be mean, that it’s a standard response to being untreated kindly in other ways. Like, his dad had been an asshole to him as a kid, always on him about his grades and his smart mouth and how he’d no longer been a standout on any of his sports teams after starting high school, and Tommy had coped with that by poking kids beneath him at school.
It’s just the pecking order of high school. It’s normal.
Even now, when Tommy’s son had dealt with some pricks in the year above him shoving him around, he had come home from school and tormented his little sister for a while – it’s normal, no matter how much his wife had tried to convince him it was something that needed addressing. It’s just kids being kids. They grow out of it eventually, just like Tommy had.
Occasionally he wonders where the kids he’d spent all those years with in the Hawkins public school system had ended up, but these days the internet makes that pretty damn easy to figure out.
He’s learned Tina got married and had kids real young. She still lives in Indiana. Carol, who he’d split up with before heading off to college, lives in Alabama now and she’s got kids and a husband too. Jonathan Byers is a photographer in California – Tommy isn’t into all that art-y crap, so he has no clue if he’s any good, but he definitely recognizes some of the organizations he’s worked for and if that’s any indication, Tommy would wager he’s not too shabby. No wife, though, he noted, so he’d either been right about Byer’s being a queer, or women just found him repulsive (admittedly, Tommy leans more towards the former – he’s a photographer). Tammy Thompson still lives in Tennessee, though it doesn’t seem like she does music anymore (husband, kids, blah blah blah).
If he’s honest, the only person Tommy is actually interested in tracking down is Steve Harrington, and he’s the one person Tommy can’t find a single trace of online. No MySpace, no Facebook, no weird blog thing, nothing.
Vaguely, he wonders if Steve might be dead. A truly massive proportion of Hawkins had died over just a few short years in the mid-eighties. Maybe Harrington was one of them.
Tommy doubts it.
He would have known.
Steve’s parents would have made sure everyone knew if their son had died. Funnily enough, Steve’s mom is actually on Facebook, and pretty actively too, but there’s no sign of Steve anywhere on her page.
He hadn’t even shown up for their high school reunion in the winter of ‘04, which is odd because Tommy had been certain he would.
He doesn’t obsess over it – he really doesn’t. It’s just a thought that pops into his mind every now and then – where the hell is Steve Harrington?
In the late spring of 2007, he gets his answer.
“Tom,” his wife says, “That guy from your high school is on the cover of this magazine.”
He knows without asking for clarity that it’s Munson – no other person makes sense – and when he eventually gets his hands on the magazine, he finds that he’s correct.
Eddie Munson is on the cover of a magazine because, apparently, he published another book.
Truthfully, Tommy already knew that.
It’s his fourth book (which, for the record, Tommy hadn’t known until he knew it because it’s not like he’s keeping tabs on this guy or whatever), and it’s been getting a whole bunch of mainstream attention after a controversial landing on the top of all those book charts Tommy doesn’t follow despite featuring a gay love store amidst all his normal fantasy crap. It sparked a whole debate about banning books and everything (dumb, Tommy knows, because if he learned anything in business school it’s that if you really don’t want something to exist, the best thing you can do is not funnel money and attention into it).
Tommy does, in fact, watch the news so he’d already caught wind of all this – it’s part of the reason he can’t shake the guy – and it’s why Eddie Munson is on the cover of this magazine (because, seriously, nobody gives a shit about writers until it hits the news).
He allows himself a moment to look at the cover, to look at Eddie, who apparently goes by Ed now. Tommy is loath to admit it, but he looks good. His hair is normal and he’s grown into his frame, not all long and lanky and gangly limbs like Tommy remembers from school. He looks well-fed, confident, happy.
He looks good.
Tommy thumbs through the first few pages of the magazine until he reaches Eddie’s interview, and, again, he allows himself to look over the photo of him that takes up nearly three-quarters of the first page even if he has no intention of actually reading the article itself because, again, Eddie looks good (and maybe there’s something about the scruff of facial hair along his jaw that Tommy's eye gets stuck on). Tommy’s allowed to say that men look good when it’s true – it’s 2007, as his wife likes to remind him whenever it’s convenient for her, and if she’s allowed to say that Angelina Jolie looked good in that CIA movie, then Tommy is allowed to say that Eddie Munson looks good here.
When Tommy flips to the next page, he’s met with a photo that stops him in his tracks, has his feet frozen to the floor because –
Jesus Christ, that’s Steve Harrington.
Fuck, okay, so he’s reading this fucking article.
It takes Tommy a long time to get through it, honestly. Eddie comes out in the article, which might be a big deal, might not (and he doesn't care to be enlightened, thanks). He keeps getting distracted by the pictures scattered throughout it.
The pictures of Steve, mostly.
Because, well, if Eddie Munson looks good, Steve…
Steve looks alive.
Tommy didn’t realize it until this exact moment, but Steve had existed in his head for the last two decades as the eighteen-year-old he’d been the last time they were in the same room together. It hadn’t exactly occurred to him that Steve’s been aging this whole time too, just like Tommy has.
It’s undeniable that Steve is older.
His hair is starting to go gray at his temples (it’s the only thing that’s changed about his hair since he’s still styling it the same as he did in high school – because why mess with a good thing, Tommy supposes) and he’s got just the hint of crow's feet around his eyes when he smiles. He’s smiling in all the photos – every damn one – and it has Tommy struck by how unbelievably happy Steve seems. It’s an effect that somehow both takes years off the age Tommy knows he is and shines a light on just how good those years must have been for him.
There’s no solo shots of him like there are for Munson – though according to the article, it's actually Harrington now – and only half the photos are in color. The rest of them – the more candid ones – are smaller and left in black-and-white.
The one that caught Tommy’s eye first – because it was meant to, he’s pretty sure; it takes up half the page – is right in that sweet spot between staged and candid where Steve and Eddie both know that they’re being photographed even though neither of them are actually posing. Eddie is grinning at Steve in a wicked way that still feels familiar to Tommy even two decades since he’d last seen it on him (probably swaggering around the cafeteria like a total jackass – not that Tommy would know anything about that). Steve is grinning right back at him with a smile Tommy doesn’t think he’s ever seen before.
Or maybe he has, but not on this version of his face, not since Steve was as young as his oldest daughter.
Just as the author of the article said, the photos don’t show the faces of Steve’s children, either leaving them artfully out-of-focus or choosing shots where they’re turned away from the camera, but they’re still present, and it makes the whole spread almost feel like a photo album in a way, like it should be private but instead was published for the whole world to see.
Steve has three of them – kids, Tommy means. He didn’t know that Steve was a family kind of guy. It makes sense though, when he thinks about it. Steve’s parents were kind of a nightmare — present in the worst ways, and absent in the worst ways too (though it hadn’t seemed that way when Tommy was a teenager looking for a failsafe party house). He'd always felt kind of bad for the guy. Like, Tommy's dad had been a total piece of work, but they'd at least been around, and he'd stuck around long enough for them to sort out their issues at least most of the way, and these days he's a pretty kickass grandpa to Tommy's children.
Tommy wonders about Steve's parents now, wonders if they maybe came around like his own parents had, but then he remembers Mrs. Harrington's Facebook page and how there's not a damn trace of her son on there, never mind three grandchildren.
Tommy isn't sure he wants to touch that.
Steve is probably a really good dad, Tommy decides. He’d been kind of that way when they were friends — Steve used to say he wasn’t all that bright, but he always had a freaky sixth sense for reading people, for caring about them in exactly the way they needed.
There's one photo where Steve is managing to holding his youngest daughter — a tiny little baby still — and her bottle in one arm (that's a level-three dad hold, Tommy knows). The bottle is angled in a way that obscures her face, and Steve's other hand is being tugged on by another daughter, this one with a mop of curly brown hair remarkably similar to Eddie's when it was still long.
That's another thing Tommy won't let himself think about, (because he knows if did he'd start wondering if any of those kids were half-Steve).
Anyways, Tommy doesn't need glance to see that Steve wears fatherhood like a favorite sweater.
There’s something about this, about seeing these pictures, about the way Tommy is getting an answer to that question he’s had for years about where his childhood best friend has been all these years, that is making him feel like his ribcage is being split open, bones splintering and shattering as everything vulnerable inside his chest in suddenly out for display.
He probably should feel uncomfortable, right? Like, a guy he’d been seriously close to growing up — sleepovers and gym locker rooms and all that shit — had turned out to be gay. If his own son came home from school saying that his best friend came out or whatever as gay…well, again, it’s 2007, and Tommy doesn’t think his wife would allow him to denounce the friendship entirely, but there certainly wouldn’t be any sleepovers anymore. He thinks that’s pretty reasonable.
What was the likelihood that Steve had been, like, into Tommy?
And that should be an uncomfortable notion too, and in a sense, it kind of is, but not necessarily in the way he would expect.
He just doesn’t understand why all this feels so much like a loss because he knows that he hasn’t really lost anything – not since he got his hands on the magazine, anyways. Steve Harrington hasn’t played any sort of role in Tommy’s life since their final falling out in 1984, and as far as he’s aware, having a falling out with a close friend is pretty much a guaranteed part of growing up. His wife even experienced something similar when her own grade school best friend suddenly stopped answering calls and stopped reaching out after they’d started college – and his wife is basically the nicest person Tommy has ever known, so…it happens to even the best.
It’s just…Steve had always continued to exist in Tommy’s life in a way, even if he wasn't physically present, and maybe Tommy had figured it could be the same for Steve too, that maybe he sometimes wonders where Tommy is, wonders what he’s up to.
This article and these photos makes it pretty fucking clear that Tommy doesn’t even exist in the same galaxy as the life Steve is living.
And that’s not to mention the Eddie fucking Munson of it all.
Tommy had been kind of ignoring the Eddie of it all until he couldn’t ignore it anymore, because he doesn't care about Eddie Munson.
He'd never cared, but he'd spent years seeing the guy's face and his name everywhere, and now it feels like a sick joke, like he's the piece of Steve left in Tommy's life.
If the article is accurate (and he has no reason to believe it isn’t), Steve and Eddie have been together for longer than Tommy has even known his wife. Steve has been with Eddie for longer than Steve was ever friends with Tommy – not by a lot, but still more. That’s a long fucking time, and it’s clear as day on both of their faces that they’re just as in love with each other fourteen years in as they were on day one.
It’s not just Steve, and it’s not just Eddie, and it’s not one more than the other. It’s both of them.
There’s one photo in particular – a small black-and-white one that keeps pulling Tommy’s attention.
It’s another candid shot, taken from a bit of a distance. In it, Steve has Eddie boxed in against the counter in what has to be their kitchen. Eddie is leaning back against the edge of the granite countertop and looking at Steve with something sappy and fond on his face, and Steve’s hands are this close to grabbing Eddie’s waist as he looks at him the exact same way.
It’s shit out of a fairy tale or something, and sure, maybe someone could argue that they’re laying it on thick just for the sake of the magazine or whatever, but Tommy knows Steve Harrington and that look on his face is more real than Tommy had ever seen in all the years he'd known him.
So maybe Tommy has a reason or two (or three or four) to be jealous of Eddie Munson.
#unreliable narrator!tommy hagan my beloved#the ao3 version has the interview btw#steddie#liv’s steddie dads verse#steddie dads#steve harrington#eddie munson#tommy hagan
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jason getting his wisdom teeth out (or generally loopy on painkillers, like maybe post-mission or smth) and rambling abt how much he loves you and his life. adksjkfh sorry he's such a loser i love him to death
This was such a funny/silly idea I swear. Silly goofy cute husband stuff, I need this man 🧍🏽♀️
I did this draft at work and I didn’t have chance to look up reference videos, what you see is what you get 🌝
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Time written - 9:18 a.m
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“How’re you feeling?” You ask towards the large lump of a man casually sprawled over a majority of your couch, dressed in dark lounge clothes with a bandage tied around his right forearm. “Feeling alright?”
“Mm… No,” he answers. He’s still pretty loopy, his attention split between you and the ceiling above him. Maybe it’s the medication making him feel so relaxed, but he looks… content.
“No, wait. I- I’m fine,” Jason slurs, a faint smirk gracing his lips. “I’m perfectlyy fine.”
It’s funny; in an ideal world he’d be more embarrassed than he is, his words mumbled through small mouthfuls of damp, pink tinted cotton. Yet he’s so out of it he can’t care if you judge him or not.
Whether he would recall being hauled into an apartment elevator by Dick while you watched, probably secretly taking photos and videos would be a complete mystery.
Of all the ways you’ve had him the most vulnerable, this has got to be the best.
“How was work?” He mumbles, rubbing at his eyes with one hand.
Work? You question in your head, huffing a little bit. You rarely call in, but today was such a necessity. Thankfully you had an understanding boss, and an understandably reasonable friendship with the eldest Wayne son, who helped you carry such a large hunk of brawn and brain from your passenger seat towards your living room couch. You weren’t sure to play along or to break character to a play you weren’t aware you were involved in.
“Work was fine,” you say as you settle in between the slim spot available on the couch. He looks pretty comfortable there, but he probably would be happier in bed. “You sure you’re not in pain?”
“Mhm,” he grunts, closing his eyes as he tries to rest his head against the back of the couch. He looks as if he could fall asleep at any second, eyes half closed.
Jason looks up at you through slightly glazed-over eyes, his expression making it obvious that he isn’t paying attention to a word you’re saying. In fact, he looks a little surprised that you’re even sitting here next to him.
Something about you being so close to him is stirring up the medicated fog in his head. He can barely feel the stitches that he got earlier in his mouth, or how difficult it was to smile from all the numbing they’d done.
“You’re… right next to me.”
His murmured words are slurred, and they don’t make a whole lot of sense, but they make you smile.
“Yeah,” you reassure him. “Just making sure you’re feeling okay.” Of course—he thinks you’re so beautiful, where did an angel like you come from?
“Just rest here for a bit, alright?” Your hand finds its way to his, squeezing his hand lightly. “Think Dick went to go get something for you to eat. Or maybe Alfred made something for you. I bet you’re really hungry, huh?”
Again, he wasn’t listening to a word you were saying. His eyes peered down to his limp hand, seeing your slim, tiny fingers cradled along his open palm. Your skin was so smooth, so—
“Soft…” He mutters, making you scrunch your lips to refrain from laughing.
“Jason,” you attempt again. “You heard me?”
“Mm.. Yeah.” His gaze flicks back to yours, his head raising just a bit as if a teacher abruptly called his name in the middle of class.
“You look, uh, pretty.” He says, blinking once. “Today. Right now.”
Once more, it took everything in you not to laugh, recalling Jason’s insistence that he’d be perfectly capable on this kind of medication last night.
Oh, you were incredibly aware that he’s dealt with various stitches and removing bullets from his body, broken ribs and resetting bones back into sockets. And death. Sure, he’s explained he’s been on hardcore pain medication plenty of times, and how much it would’ve sucked if he was allergic to any of them. He’s Red Hood, he’s handled so much, he could basically handle anything.
However, as truthful as you understood, seeing him in such a state after removing one wisdom tooth was so … funny. Their were hundreds of other amusing descriptions to describe it, but in the end, it was all so very funny, seeing him all giddy like a little boy holding his schoolgirl crush’s hand.
Even though you’ve been dating for about five years. With a year break in between, give or take.
Maybe it’s because he’s so out of it. Maybe it’s all the meds they gave him messing with his brain. As funny as it was, it was also a relief to see him so relaxed, not as tense as he usually was. Especially during off days when he’d insist he was calm and collected, but the tension in his shoulders never dissipated.
“You look so pretty… Your hair, your eyes.”
His soft comment melts your heart, making you squeeze his hand. “Aww. You think I’m that pretty, Jason?”
Jason nods, smiling lazily at you. You lean your head against his shoulder for a short moment, mindful of his slightly swollen cheek.
“I’m sure you already know that, but… Yeah.” His hand raises yours upwards, a brief flush of heat spreading across his face as he plants a weak kiss along the back of your palm.
“Mm… you’re so gorgeous. I wanna tell you every day.” His voice trails off, eyelids getting heavier by the second, nearly hiding his heart eyes from you. There’s no hesitancy in his voice, no doubt to what he says. Just a simple answer, simple truth.
“So, are you feeling hungry?” You try again, reminding him of what you said earlier. If he was paying any attention. “Dick might be here any minute. He might’ve brought some froyo.”
He has a quiet hum, glancing back up at the ceiling again. “Dick. Dick’s always so thoughtful, y’know? Not as, uh, as much as you though. He’d never be.”
You cock a brow, fighting back any amused response. There it was, something unusually unexpected that Jason Todd would say about someone he insists he can’t tolerate about eighty percent of the day.
Dick being thoughtful? You’re positive the man is now in possession of lots of photos and videos of Jason during the car ride home after the dentist.
“I’m not hungry… but I’d love if you fed me.” His voice is soft, just slightly louder than a whisper.
Your eyes widen considerably, finally releasing a giggle after so long. You gave it your best shot, but your response was enough to make your boyfriend lightly laugh. His face winces, a low grunt leaving his mouth as his hand cradled his cheek.
“Awww,” you take his hand, feeling a little guilty for making him hurt. “I’m sorry, handsome. You can’t laugh for a while, did that hurt a lot?”
Jason gives you his best smile, which is admittedly a slightly goofy grin as he shakes his head, putting on a brave front despite the pain coursing through his head. “Nuh-uh. Not at all… Your hands are so soft, babe.”
You resort to a soft chuckle, trailing your fingers up to ruffle and smooth along his hair. “Thank you, Jason.”
He’s slow to reply, clearly lost in thought with genuine, furrowed brows. If not for the medication, he’d probably kiss you right now.
The doorbell rings, giving you a chance to get off the couch and invite Dick in, who carried with him bags of food and frozen yogurt. Jason had no problem staying where he was, his eyes fully closed as his body sank back into the cushions, seemingly content with couch life.
“Catch him saying anything stupid?” Dick mutters to you as you ladle some soup into a bowl, hellbent on capturing any sort of evidence to use against the man for future purposes.
“Other than him believing I’m still his favorite woman, he thinks you’re a thoughtful older brother.”
“Oh yeah??” Dick chuckles, peering his head over towards the slumped man. “I’d think if roles were reversed, he would’ve left my ass on the curb.”
“Don’t be mean,” you scoff, playfully nudging him with your elbow. “You know he’d at least take you back home.”
“Inside a trash bag in the trunk,” Dick muses, casually leaning beside you on the kitchen counter. “You catch it on video?”
“Left my phone in my purse,” you shook your head, reaching into a drawer to get a spoon. “Stay for a while. See what happens.”
“Babe??” You hear Jason call from the living room. You peer your head out this time, seeing him fully sitting up from the couch, his head turned towards you with focused vision and deep concern written all over his face.
“Wait… weren’t you working today?”
#jason todd#jason todd x reader#jason todd x you#jason todd x fem!reader#dc jason todd#jason todd x y/n#gotham knights jason todd#jason todd x#jason todd dc#this might happen to me soon 🧍🏽♀️#how fun
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Buddie 7x07 "Ghost of a Second Chance" Meta
So sorry for the delay! This one took me a minute due to life/work stuff happening, but here it is! A doozy! This episode had a lot of parallels with the other characters storylines happening so bear with me here! This is mostly going to be about Eddie.
This episode deals a lot with past trauma, specifically bringing up stuff that some of the characters haven't dealt with in a while or seemingly had already dealt with in the past. Maddie with Doug's abduction, Bobby and the apartment fire, Eddie and Shannon. All of these are re-introduced in this episode, but it's important to note that they are NOT resolved, mostly Bobby and Eddie, and will likely continue into the rest of the season. Maddie reacts the most noticeably to her trauma being triggered, and of the three, she's the only one who has actually managed to work through that trauma from the past, so while it does affect her, it does not cause her to self-destruct like Eddie and most likely Bobby will.
As many of us predicted, we theorized that it was going to get much worse for Eddie before it would get better. And this episode has put Eddie on that path that will likely take him towards rock bottom if Ryan and Tim's interviews and teasers for his 7b arc are to be believed.
The first big parallel to Eddie's storyline is the woman and her baby being abducted by a man with mental health problems who allowed a past trauma with his ex-wife/child to reach a dangerous point. While Eddie's actions in this episode are not placing a woman's life in danger, it does parallel how in pursuit of soothing his own pain, Eddie and this man, are prioritizing their own feelings, over the feelings of a woman stranger (Kim) and an innocent kid.
I was already anticipating many many Shannon call-backs in this episode, but the writers dive in immediately by having Chimney intubate Catherine. This is the same heavy choice Chimeny had to make when Shannon was hit by a car, and Chimney was interim Captain. He had to make a choice to either intubate Shannon, effectively taking away her last chance to say dying words or to not intubate and allow Eddie and Shannon to exchange final words. With Shannon, Chimney does not intubate, but with Catherine, he does. This could possibly indicate the need for Eddie to make different decisions this time around if he wants to survive this new catastrophic plotline.
This was an interesting way for the writers to give us a kind of "speedrun" of introducing us to Marisol a bit more. I know that the ENTIRE fandom has been bugging over the fact that we "hardly know anything about Marisol other than DIY and Nunnery", and now they're giving us more information, but notably it's all very surface-level information. It makes the scene feel like Eddie's trying to get to know her for the first time instead of this being a woman he's been seeing for about six months at this point.
While 7x05 did indicate to us that Eddie is trying to get to know her all over again, it really does drive home how little effort Eddie has put into trying to build a relationship with her, which is then further proved by the rest of the episode. All of this demonstrated very clearly just how little investment Eddie has had in ANY of his relationships after Shannon's death. It's probably supposed to make us think "Oh, that's because he only ever truly loved Shannon!" but in reality, the Eddie-Shannon onscreen relationship was very tumultuous, and they spent most of their relationship (even during their time pre-military) away from each other. All in all, the topic of how well Eddie knows the women he's with, and how much effort/investment he puts into his relationships (including Shannon) are being pulled into question here. And I think it's being done to show the audience that Eddie has only ever dated and married women as a duty and not something he actually does because he wants to be with the women as people. Once again, this includes Shannon.
Before Marisol can even finish her two truths and a lie, Eddie interrupts, starting to dictate the conversation again, and Chris is the one who has to step in, reminding Eddie that this moment is about Marisol. Eddie has been the one to lead his relationships with both Ana and Marisol, almost to the point of steamrolling over them. A similar thing happened in his relationship with Shannon, where Shannon notes that Eddie is always making decisions for them without consulting her, including going to the military, or moving Chris to a new school, etc. and how that was always a giant issue in their relationship. While this moment is not Eddie purposely steamrolling over Marisol, it does show that again, Eddie has a myopic view of relationships with women, where he's constantly trying to steer them towards something that he wants without really letting the woman have any agency. Shannon had to physically leave him in order to get any agency of her own.
Additionally, the choice to have the get to know you game be "two truths and a lie", inherently implies dishonesty, or at least makes us think of lying. And considering that becomes a theme for Eddie this episode and likely in upcoming episodes, it's also indicative of the general theme of not knowing someone and not being honest with them. It could've been "twenty questions" or something not involving purposely lying, but instead it's two truths and lie, and Eddie is now about to be involved in a whole bunch of lies.
I've seen others point out that this line is clearly meant to compare Marisol and Shannon. Shannon, Chris and Eddie had a tradition involving smores, one that Chris and Eddie were trying to keep alive only last season when they visited Shannon's grave. This line is meant to show us that Marisol is not Shannon, and as Eddie actually gets to know her, this is more and more evident. It's no fault of Marisol's, but it's likely what is sticking in Eddie's head, right before he ends up meeting Kim. Eddie, once again dictating what he wants Marisol to be rather than accepting the truth of who Marisol is, exclaims that obviously Marisol has had smores because Shannon loved smores. But Marisol is not Shannon, and Eddie is always comparing his partners to Shannon in unhealthy ways.
While this line is clearly a joke, nothing is done without purpose in TVland, and this is another one of those times where even though Eddie's joking, it's actually telling of how he actually feels. He's already had one foot out the door with Marisol for the last 3-4 episodes, and now it's the smores that makes him say "we can still leave her" because who Marisol is, does not align with who Shannon was. But the thing is, I have a hard time believing that Shannon was even who Eddie truly wanted, at least not without expectation or pressure. Shannon is an Ideal, and no one, not even Shannon herself, can live up to it. No woman is supposed to or can reach this Ideal, because (in my opinion) a woman is not really what Eddie wants deep down in his most hidden of unconscious desires.
"You two aren't going anywhere". Oh, the dramatic irony is killing me here. Because not even a couple of minutes later, Marisol has lost Eddie for good when he sees Kim. The death bells have already been ringing from the very beginning, but this is the final death knell that has been rung. Even if Eddie stays with Marisol through most of this arc, their relationship will end, as will his relationship with Kim.
Eddie and Kim lock eyes and he's reminded of Shannon instantly. Because of that, this relationship is dead before it even begins. A moment later, Christopher calls out "Dad!" just like he did when Shannon and Eddie were on the beach, interrupting Eddie's thoughts.
Marisol notices Eddie acting weird, asks if he's alright, he says he's fine, and she calls him out, asking "is that the truth or a lie?" He promises he's fine, but we as an audience know that's a big ole lie. This has been the case for years, and it's interesting that it's coming at this point in the season. The early half of the season we saw Eddie the "happiest" he's ever been. And I can't help but wonder how much of that was true happiness, and how much of that was just putting off thinking about it. It's easier to lie and say he's fine, that his relationships are fine, that his relationship with Shannon was fine. It's harder to admit the truth, that he's not okay, that his relationships with Marisol and Ana were unhealthy and his relationship with Shannon was the unhealthiest of all. It's easier to place the blame on his unhappiness on missing Shannon, instead of admitting that it's his own choices that are making him unhappy.
Another theme of this episode is internalized biases and misunderstanding the current situation due to being blinded by the past. Maddie misses crucial details of her call with Catherine because she was looking at it with too much bias about her own situation with Doug. Eddie also misremembers his past with Shannon, but instead of recognizing his mistake like Maddie, and trying to look at it objectively, Eddie lets that bias from the past effect his current decisions, which is already resulting in a mistake by cheating with Kim and will likely result in more mistakes the rest of this season.
Maddie heard what she expected to hear. Eddie is seeing in Kim what he expects to see from Shannon. Both lead to really bad outcomes.
Eddie goes back to find Kim/Shannon, and they meet. She looks similar but not really the same (btw, kudos to the makeup team, wow). She has similar facial expressions (nose scrunches, giggles, etc.) and she asks him if he's looking for something specific. And the answer is yes, he's looking for Shannon in Kim, just as he was looking for Shannon in Marisol and Ana.
This is very obviously a sexual innuendo, which is interesting because their first real interaction is showing more of a "sexual" chemistry, than anything really romantic, or soul-connecting. It's a clear harkening back to how Eddie would use sex as a way to stop fights between himself and Shannon. It's also one of Eddie's biggest distancing tools. He used sex to distance himself from Shannon and from Marisol, as an excuse to not address problems, or just simply to not get to know them. And given that Eddie was having sexual dysfunction issues in his last major episode, this is meant to provide a juxtaposition to that. Sort of a "Hey look Eddie couldn't get it up for Marisol the Nun but he can get it up for the Shannon look-alike". On the surface, this might be to show us that Eddie really only has sexual chemistry with Shannon, but if you look below the surface even a little bit, you'll realize that his sexual relationship with Shannon was also deeply dysfunctional, but in its own way.
The answer is no. Eddie does not trust Kim because she's a stranger, but this line is meant to remind us that Eddie very much DID NOT trust Shannon for most of her arc in season 2 and even up until her death. It's a callback to the line in season 2 Merry Ex-Mas where Eddie says he "forgives Shannon but doesn't trust her" and Shannon says something along the lines of "Eddie trusting her enough to have sex with her, but not enough to let her see her own son". Kim is hitting all the lines that are meant to remind Eddie of rose colored "Good times" but are meant to remind us, the audience, of all the issues he had with Shannon.
This moment of Eddie and Shannon on the beach is meant to represent Eddie's "happiest" moment on-screen with Shannon when she was alive. Eddie remembers it that way, as kissing Shannon and finally having his family back together. But in actuality, it was the start of the end for them. Shannon thought she was pregnant, paralleling the time when they accidentally got pregnant as teens and both of them had to put their lives on hold and commit to a marriage that might not have been the ultimate right choice for them. If any of you remember, this is also the moment where Eddie and "signs" and the "universe" are connected for the first time. Eddie asks for a sign, and Shannon says she's pregnant. In my personal opinion, this was supposed to be a sign for Eddie to not get back together with her, given how traumatic it was the first time around, but he ignores it and tries to push down his feelings. "Life is like a vat of chocolate, it pulls you down but it's comfortable". And when Shannon very clearly stated she wanted a divorce, Eddie did not really seem to accept it...and the universe took Shannon away permanently. (Again, I want to reiterate this is all about fiction I'm talking about here not irl, okay? This does not apply to real life) The universe tried to warn Eddie, to bring him a sign, and when he ignored it, as he always does, the universe decided it needed to take Shannon away permanently.
And now here we are again, 6 years later, with Eddie ignoring ALL the signs over and over and over, and setting about down this path with Marisol that literally everyone knows will not make Eddie happy, and what does the universe do? It throws him the biggest wrench it could by bringing someone who looks/acts like Shannon back into his life. Kim was brought in by the universe (the writers) to show Eddie that his relationship with Shannon was not as wonderful and amazing as he remembers it....and he ignores all of the signs yet a-fucking-gain. I get the feeling that this arc with Kim is going to end VERY. VERY. badly for Eddie. I think we should all be preparing ourselves for that.
Eddie is making active duplicitous choices here. He's lying about being in a relationship with someone else, lying about being a single dad. And it's not the first time he's said something like this (see the "taken for now" line in 7x04), further demonstrating how he's always had one foot out the door with Marisol.
I also want to point out that Eddie lying and deceiving Kim and cheating on Marisol is not meant to be the show saying "this is good! this is who Eddie's supposed to end up with!" The writers know how most people feel about cheating. Most people are 100% aware that cheating is morally wrong, and by Eddie making these decisions, they're not supposed to show that Eddie is inherently a cheater or a bad guy. He's acting OOC on purpose. The writers want us to see Eddie lying and cheating and want us to clock that Something is Very Very Very Wrong and that has to do with Eddie's romantic relationships, Shannon, his perception of Shannon, his perception of his past marriage, and his expectations of himself.
We, as an audience, are not supposed to be enjoying this. We're meant to be uncomfortable.
911 is doing something really interesting lately with their pointed use of Full First Names vs. Nicknames. When I heard this my first thought was actually of Ana and how cringe it was to hear her calling Eddie Edmundo all the time. Shannon actually never once called Eddie by his full name. If anything, Eddie calling himself Edmundo here, introducing himself by it, is once again supposed to trigger the audience's "Something Is Wrong Here" mode. I was also going to mention how this is also something a lot of people have felt with Tommy's constant use of "Evan" instead of Buck. Some people like it, some people don't, but everyone can acknowledge that it's odd and unusual.
Even as he's flirting with Kim, talking more about "stimulation", Eddie is holding an "S" for Shannon. I think when Kim told Eddie her name, a sharp K, very far away from the soft S of Shannon, it was a slight shock to him. If her name was something similar like Sherri or Sheila or something, Eddie could've lived in the fantasy more. Her name being Kim momentarily broke the illusion, hence him looking down at the S for Shannon.
Eddie is remembering the first time he slept with Shannon after she came back into his life while he's sitting at the table with Marisol, completely ignoring her. But not only that, as many people have pointed out, he's misremembering. The walls in the background are recent, with the new teal color and his new bed. Shannon's hair is a cross between dark and light, almost like a mix of Kim and Shannon, and--and this one rocked my world--they had sex right side up.
Many have pointed out how it's odd that Eddie and Marisol's sex scene harkened so similarly back to his one sex scene with Shannon, where they both ended up at the tail end of the bed, upside down. People have often discussed Eddie and his upside-down sex as a metaphor for unhealthy sexual connection, for misconnection, and right side up sex to be healthy sex. To find that he is thinking of him and Shannon in his memory of being right side up has been pointed out by others to be yet another example of Eddie's rose-colored memories of his past with Shannon. In his memory, he views his relationship and sexual relationship with Shannon as this Amazing and One of a Kind thing, hence the right-side-up sex, but in reality, it was upside down, it wasn't healthy.
He's looking at his relationship with Shannon through a veil of the present, chock full of regrets, would've/could've/should've's, and two almost-failed relationships. Not to mention that he literally was just having extreme sexual dysfunction with Marisol not even two episodes ago it's very likely that his remembering this passionate, voracious, unquenchable thirst for Shannon is also brought on by the fact that he's having sexual issues with Marisol. It might also be him wanting to remember that he does and did have desire for sex with women...as long as they're Shannon or reminding him of Shannon. This is not at all supposed to be something that is represented as healthy for Eddie, and I don't believe the show is trying to put across that message.
Eddie remembers his sex with Shannon, and when he decided to "bring Shannon home for Christmas". Even in this scene, the focus is not on the two of them as a couple. He doesn't talk about how much he missed her, or how it feels good to be close to her again. He talks about how he wants to reunite her and Christopher. "Santa" in this present day and age is bringing "Shannon" home for Christmas, by bringing Kim into Eddie's life.
Bringing it back to Maddie's storyline, with the Big Bad Kidnapper of this episode. He was encouraged by his sister to move across the country for a fresh start after his wife and baby left him due to his own abusive actions (assumed, but the sister did say they were "afraid of him"). We don't know too much of the details of this man's story, but it does show a clear parallel to Eddie too, with his wife leaving him to move across the country too (though she left their son with Eddie because obviously, Eddie's not abusive like this man). But the man's sister was hoping that this move would mean he would "stop looking for them". Eddie ends up doing the same thing with Shannon metaphorically. He never stops looking for her in all of his romantic relationships, hurting other women like Ana and Marisol, in the process.
The man is so clearly a parallel to Eddie but in the worst most devolved way. Eddie has been seeking out a Mom for Chris for years, even when Shannon was alive. It was never about Shannon, wanting her, loving her, needing her because he's so deeply in love with her. No, it was, and still is, always about the mother she could be for Chris. It's the same thing he did with Ana, and with Marisol. I'm not sure if this thing he's doing with Kim will eventually lead there too, or if it won't make it that far before it gets blown up in his face. But Kim cannot be a new mother for Chris, even if she wants to be. Christopher would clock that she looks like Shannon, and might feel betrayed, like Eddie is actively trying to replace Shannon, which I doubt Christopher would take well. So what is Eddie's endgame here? In my honest opinion, I don't think he has one. I think he's acting on pure emotional hurt, and desperately seeking out a balm, and not considering the consequences of his actions.
Just like that man was hit dead on with the literal consequences with the police, I think Eddie's gonna be hit HARD as a result of these mistakes. I feel like it might be something really bad, possibly involving Christopher. If "isolation" is going to become the thing he might have to contend with Christopher being really really angry with him in whatever way that takes form, and the rest of the firefam not being happy with him either. I think Eddie's going to be going through another arc similar to where he was emotionally in season 3a with the streetfighting arc.
Just how like the man who abducted her was a parallel to Eddie, Catherine herself is also a parallel to Eddie. She's clearly in pain, but she refuses drugs that will make her feel better. She feels she has to stay awake and endure the pain as a comeuppance, similar to how Eddie felt he had to endure his pain like a man because he deserved it. She feels her husband will hate her, just like how Eddie feared Shannon would hate him for what he did. He fears Shannon would never forgive him, but just like Catherine, even worse is the fact that Eddie has yet to ever forgive himself. No matter how many times people tell her it's not her fault, no matter how many times people tell Eddie he's a good father or a good person, they will never believe it. That guilt still rocks them, and for Eddie, it's been the monkey on his back every day LOONNGGG before Shannon even passed. Likely he's been dealing with it from the second he found out he got her pregnant. Even though Catherine's daughter was returned to her, she will still likely feel guilty, just as Eddie's guilt has lingered and festered and turned to rot the longer it's gone unchecked.
It'll only be once Eddie can let go of that guilt, let go of Shannon, and forgive himself, will he ever be able to actually start healing, and making the right choices for himself.
Many people have pointed out how this parallels the scene in 3x03 with Christopher and Eddie coming to Buck's house after the tsunami. That was a moment where Buck was feeling "lost at sea" and Eddie and Chris came in to be his "life raft that gets you home." And now Eddie's the one lost at sea. He thinks he has to find Shannon when really all he really needs is here with Buck and Chris. Eddie and Chris are "late", but eventually, they will find their way home to Buck.
Have y'all ever heard the phrase "where there's smoke, there's fire"? It means that if there's a rumor or something being said about a topic, there must be some back story/truth in it. It's what I point out every time the show "jokes" about Eddie's sexuality or lack thereof to women, Eddie ready to leave Marisol, etc. They're in the script because there's a kernel of truth to them, even if it's still nebulous (or smoky) at the moment.
Additionally, Buck is making a new lasagna recipe (a metaphor for his new found bisexuality and MM relationship with Tommy) and something about it is not working. In the same way that I've been theorizing that there is misalingment in his relationship with Tommy, we're now seeing that lasagna (like in 6x01 where the couch theory was introduced) is yet another metaphor for Buck's relationships. He had 3 at that point in time (as well as 3 failed attempts at lasagna) and now he's here in a new relationship, and something about it isn't working, he just doesn't know what. I'll reiterate, it's not the bisexuality, but rather the person he's in a relationship with. This being told once again to Eddie, in Buck's kitchen, with Chris present, is driving home the point once again.
Eddie, on the other hand, is aligned with Buck. He knew ahead of time to order a pizza for them. This isn't usual, given that Buck's a good cook, and has cooked for Chris and Eddie many times. Eddie being attuned to Buck right now is meant to show that he can sense these things about Buck, even when it's not conscious.
"To be seen… to be found… isn't that what we're all searching for?"
Buck assumes Eddie's meeting with Marisol, and Eddie does not correct him. I've seen other people mention how this feels like Eddie is cheating on Buck, and not really on Marisol, and in my opinion, that all comes down to who is Eddie more emotionally intimate with. He already feels super disconnected to Marisol, even more so in this episode, but we've spent the first half of this season establishing how Buck and Eddie are closer than ever. So Eddie lying to Buck feels like the real cheating here, because Eddie has only ever given himself fully to Buck, in all his messed up glory. He's never given that to Marisol, or Ana. And he most definitely never gave that to Shannon.
Side note, I loved the cologne line because it implies that Buck knows how Eddie smells, and that smelling him now is something Buck is enjoying. Him saying they won't wait up for Eddie further cements the domesticity of the scene. Buck has a full relationship with Chris outside of Eddie, but they also have a strongly established bond all three of them. In an episode where Eddie assumes Marisol must love smores despite her never having tried one, Eddie inherently knows that Buck's struggling with lasagna and needs to order a pizza.
Eddie and Buck's flirting--because that's what it is-- feels natural. More so than the flirting with Marisol in the beginning of the episode, and more so than with Kim-Not-Shannon that was moored down by the reality that Eddie is severely projecting all of his major issues onto her. Buck and Eddie have an easy rapport filled with mutual support, inside jokes, gentle ribbing, synchronicity and above all, friendship and trust. THAT is why the betrayal of Eddie with Kim only a few moments later feels so stark and like a huge blow to the audience.
Eddie sees Kim, and all he sees is Shannon's face, but I have to give MASSIVE kudos to the hair, costume, and makeup department here because they couldn't make Kim look ANY more starkly different from Shannon. In the scenes at the store, Kim is dressed more professionally, in lighter more inviting colors. And then here, when Kim can take off the customer service mask, and be fully herself, we see that she dresses in darker clothing, pants, and jackets with her hair up in almost an alternative-punk style. It's a MASSIVE contrast to Shannon who was almost always dressed in lighter, warmer colors, in shades of orange, yellow, and warm pinks, with minimal makeup and long flowy dresses or soft sweaters. Shannon's hair was almost always down and flowing around her face with her bangs. Kim's hair is completely up, totally out of her face in a severe bun look, without any bangs. She could not look father from Shannon if she tried. And yet, Eddie is not seeing Kim, he's not seeing the individual woman who's probably really lovely, the woman he's inherently hurting by using her to be reminded of his dead wife. No, all he sees is Shannon, and he's 100% willing to tank his whole life just to get a bit of that feeling back.
Eddie is on his way towards rock bottom, and this episode is only getting started. The glass is going to shatter extremely hard, and I worry for what the consequences will be for Eddie for all this, because there's no way he's escaping this without deep cuts. He will likely lose Marisol and Kim in one fell swoop. As for Buck, Chris and the rest of the 118, that's yet to be seen. But we know Eddie's parents show back up later on, so they could be coming in with the steel chair, likely to hit Eddie harder when he's already down. After all, the originator of "Don't drag him down with you, Eddie" is none other than Helena Diaz. This season is giving very strong season 3/4 vibes, and if that's the case, it's possible Helena and Ramon are going to pose a problem by the end of the season like they might've done in season 4 if things had gone as originally planned.
I'm worried, scared and excited to see how this ends up for Eddie. But I'm also hopeful. I see a light at the end of this tunnel. After all, it's always darkest just before dawn.
Thanks for reading my meta!
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Magnus to Alec
Dear delectable muffin of love,
I hope this perfumed letter finds you well, and that you and R and M are having an excellent time in your exotic journey to…well, I believe the term you used was “upstate.” I have heard legends of this Upstate, but never did I know that my family would see for themselves its mountains, its twee farm markets, its River of the Son of Hud.
More to the point, I hope the kids are enjoying their visit with Grandma, and I hope you are referring to Maryse as “Grandma” as often as possible because I enjoy the face she makes when we do. On a less pleasant but more urgent note, I hope you’ve had a chance to talk with Luke about the Cohort/Idris stuff.
But do not tire your beautiful hands with a written reply. I will be heading to this “Upstate” myself to join you later this afternoon, as I am relieved to report that the business with the Blackthorn kids’ cursed house is more or less resolved. Although it was touch and go, let me tell you.
I don’t think I even showed you the note Jem sent, which said, “Emma and Julian are trying not to bother you about their house, and that is very nice of them, but unlike them, I feel absolutely no compunction about bothering you, and so this is me, now, in this note, bothering you. We are in need of a warlock and you are the best one I know for this. We would all really appreciate your help.”
As is often the case, I was both mildly annoyed and mildly impressed with Jem, who managed to be both very kind and also to remind me that I am a sucker when it comes to him and Tessa and will rush to their aid when I can. Because I am a sucker when it comes to him and Tessa, I wrote back quickly saying I would come.
I know what you’re thinking: “How could Tessa need a warlock when she is a warlock?” But different warlocks have different expertises, as you know, and while Jem was flattering me that I was the best choice, the reality is that I have dealt with a lot more curses than Tessa. That’s what comes of spending the past decades hiring your services out to any miscreants who come by, instead of more intelligently living a calm life as a magic researcher in the Spiral Labyrinth. Tessa always was the smartest of us.
Anyway, I must give Emma and Julian credit. I expected to arrive and find them banging the cursed objects against one another or something, but they had set up a decent enough protective circle and even found a spell. It was an old, kind of generic spell that I have found to rarely be of much use with actual curses in the modern day, but still.
Rather stupidly I set up a basic workaday curse-breaking circle of my own, and gave it a try. “Stupidly” because I had forgotten who did the curse in the first place. Your worst ancestor, Benedict Lightwood, all-around demon enthusiast and dilettante necromancer. How in bed with demons was Benedict? He literally died of demon pox — which if you do not know, because you are beautifully pure, my Alec — is a sexually transmitted demon disease.
But I forgot that in the moment, so I was surprised when the curse put up an impressive resistance. It writhed and thrashed and struck out, like Max being lowered into a bath. The cursed objects were all glowing, kind of neon green, where they were tied to the magic, and eventually I realized I was going to have to carefully unknot each object from the curse, one at a time.
I managed the flask, the dagger, and one of the candlesticks (don’t ask me to explain how THAT happens), but after that I was stuck.
It’s not a great look for a warlock to strike a big magic pose and then nothing happens. I am sure I looked ridiculous, like a mundane magician who couldn’t understand why the rabbit wasn’t coming out of the hat. Julian and Emma are very polite and only waited patiently but I felt quite silly.
And then I lost all my focus temporarily because the door opened and Kit walked in. He sort of looked around at the scene and finally said, “Professor Plum in the library with the candlestick, I see.”
“Purple is always an appropriate color for a warlock,” I said. “It is the decorative color of magic.”
Emma, of course, said, “Your magic is blue,” because she is an inveterate smartass.
“Maybe he meant me,” said Julian. “I’m wearing a purple hoodie. Also because it is the decorative color of magic,” he added with a nod in my direction, which I appreciated.
“Maybe you could put the objects on a purple tablecloth instead of a white one,” Kit said, and while he was talking he walked out to get a closer look.
And when he got close to the circle, Alec, I felt the strangest sensation. A feeling of…power, I suppose, kind of humming in Kit. You know the way your body kind of vibrates when there’s a really really low sound? That rumbling feeling? It was like that, but silent. I’ve never had that experience any of the times I’ve seen Kit before. I could also tell that Kit didn’t feel anything unusual. Or if he did, he was surprisingly casual about it.
So I suggested he come join us around the circle and add his focus to the magic. “Especially since Jem and Tessa have snuck off somewhere rather than helping out with this round.”
“They’re out in the garden with Mina,” Kit said, a little defensively.
I redirected everyone’s attention to the objects and established a somewhat souped-up version of my go-to curse breaker. I went for the other candlestick and BANG. No resistance anymore! There was a big burst of blue and all the knots of magic tying the objects to the curse broke into pieces.
Everyone blinked a bunch. Eventually I said something like, “Well, that was more what I was hoping for. I guess four people made the difference.”
I checked. The curse seemed…gone. I was actually a little shaken. I haven’t mentioned it to Tessa and Jem, because I don’t want to make a big deal of it, but I think it worked because of Kit. Not because we needed a fourth person. Something is going on with him, some magic that is totally outside his awareness. I assume it has something to do with being a descendant of the First Heir, but I’ve never been an expert on that kind of faerie enchantment. (And do burn this letter, after you get it — very few of us know about Kit being the First Heir, and it’s best if we keep it that way.)
It makes me sad to think of it. Kit is a good kid who deserves a good, ordinary life. I know that’s what Jem and Tessa want for him, more than anything, after the chaos that was his growing up. But I am not sure he will have a choice in the matter. Fae may not let him choose.
Julian reached out and took hold of the flask. He held it for a moment, frowning.
“What?” said Emma.
“Nothing,” Julian said. He looked up at me. “Is that it? No more curse?”
“No more curse,” I said. “I hope.”
And then down from the ceiling drifted Rupert the Ghost. I never met Rupert Blackthorn when he was alive. I don’t know what to think of him. On the one hand, he seems to have been an innocent who was in the wrong place at the wrong time, a spirit trapped in a house he never lived in because of evil he never knew about while he lived. On the other hand, he met Tatiana Lightwood and thought that lady seems like marriage material, so there must have been something weird going on with him.
Rupert had been hovering and he descended until he was right above the table. He was staring at something on it.
“What is it, Rupert?” said Emma. “What are you looking at?”
Kit followed his gaze and started pushing the objects out of the way. “It’s the ring,” he said.
Emma said, “What ring?”
Indeed, what ring? There wasn’t a ring among the cursed objects. But there was a ring on the table now. Kit picked it up. It was a silver ring, etched with a design of thorns and set with a black stone.
“Blackthorn family ring?” Kit said.
“It’s not how family rings usually look,” Emma said.
“Wedding band?” said Kit.
“Shadowhunters don’t use wedding rings,” said Emma, but Julian had that thoughtful look he gets.
“I am bound here by a silver band,” he said softly.
“Shadowhunters can exchange wedding rings,” I said. “They just aren’t expected to. But they can if they want.”
Whatever it was, it was Rupert’s. He had followed Kit’s hand as it picked up the ring, and now he was reaching out for it with a thin ghostly hand. He wrapped it around the ring, which did absolutely nothing since he’s a ghost – Kit just kind of held it there for him. Then his eyes closed (Rupert’s, I mean) and he got this expression on his face of relief and gratitude and peace, and he just…faded out, right there. Just slowly vanished and was gone. No more Rupert. On to hopefully not being reunited with his wife, since she was also his jailer for over a hundred years.
“He didn’t even say goodbye,” Emma said quietly.
“That’s for the best,” I said. “He was never supposed to be here at all.”
“Well, Rupert, if you can hear me,” said Emma, “it was nice being haunted by you.”
“Five stars,” said Kit solemnly, putting the ring back on the table. “Would be haunted again.”
And all the candles went out in the room at once. Which, if it was Rupert, was a nice touch. Though it may have just been a draft.
We all filed out of the room quietly. “It’s different,” Julian said. He was looking around at the hallway. “I can feel it already.”
I could feel it as well. There was a lightness that had not been there. A kind of pleasant hominess that a good house conveys and that had always been absent from Blackthorn Hall in the time I’ve known it. It’s hard to describe, but all at once it felt like Julian and Emma’s home, in a way it hadn’t before. I’ve always known it as a forbidding place, and then as a hideous ruin, but for the first time I thought, this was a place the Blackthorns could fill with joy.
And I’m certain they will.
See you very soon, my love. I shall kiss you until a toddler forces us apart to pay attention to him. So plan for a kiss of about 30-60 seconds, based on previous experience. But I wish, as always, that it could be endless.
Love,
Magnus
#sobh#secrets of blackthorn hall#rupert blackthorn#magnus bane#alec lightwood#julian blackthorn#emma carstairs#kit herondale#made a change to the ring
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Dirty Work 22
Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as bullying, familial discord/abuse, and possible untagged elements. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.
This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.
Summary: You start a new gig and find one of your clients to be hard to please.
Characters: Loki
Note: Sinuses are trying but I'm fighting!
As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me.
Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!)
I love you all immensely. Take care. 💖
"There you are. Lots to go around," Frigga seals the top of another container. "It'll be a nice surprise, eh?"
"Uh, thank you," you offer a fragile smile.
"Of course, dear. I know how stressful it can be to care for the sick. Odin, my husband, had a scare a few years back. A heart episode..." she explains as she puts the large containers in a cloth bag, "it was a rather eventful family dinner, to say the least."
You let your smile fall. You're reminded of your father on the floor, lifeless, your mouth over his as you desperately tried to breathe life into him. The kitchen blurs around you as you revert to the horror of that moment.
"Darling," Frigga frightens you with a gentle squeeze on your forearm, "apologise if I said something."
"No, no, my dad will be happy," you roll the tension from your shoulders. "Leslie too."
"Leslie?" She prompts curiously.
"His nurse. Sometimes she cooks dinner so this will save her some work."
"Ah, a nurse. That must be expensive."
"A little," you admit, "I have some stuff to finish up on still..."
"Oh, don't let me keep you any longer. I know how demanding my son can be," she pats the bag and slides it to the corner of the counter, "this will be waiting for you."
"Thank you. Again."
You turn to go, little, reluctant steps as you venture back into the large house. Dread slows your feet like a ball and chain as you climb the staircase, pausing every few steps to listen. Mr. Laufeyson is lurking somewhere, like a snake in the grass, you know it.
You turn towards the library and pass the open study door. You peek inside and find it empty. You press on and knock before you enter the library. Alone, you shut the door and let out a heavy breath.
Your heart is racing as if you've escaped some terrifying race. You go to the desk and sit, leaning forward to plant your elbows in front of the closed laptop and cradle your head. What is happening? You can't handle all this. You need to get it together. But how? You've never dealt with any of this before; the spreadsheet, the woman coddling you, and the man who looms in the shadows.
Shoot! You forgot about Ronan. He's due to finish soon. You should go check on him. You stand up and spin, stopping short as a figure fills the door frame between the study and library. You stare at Mr. Laufeyson like a doe caught before a speeding car.
"You have some time," he raises his wrist, checking his watch; the black band and the blue face, that little accessory that caused so much trouble.
"Um, yes, I was going to see the carpenter--"
"I've dealt with him. He's loading up his truck now," Laufeyson slithers forward, "you needn't worry about him."
"Oh, thank you, Mr. Laufeyson," you look down and open the laptop, stunned by the image on the screen.
You expect your screensaver to cascade down but instead, there's a woman in a rather scant black and white outfit. Your lips part and you slam shut the computer. Your fingers rest on the lid as Mr. Laufeyson strides closer.
"Hope you don't mind I borrowed your laptop, my own was charging," he purrs, "bit of online shopping, seeing as my mother's hard work should save us some cost on culinary services."
"Mr. Laufeyson," you tremble, staring at the desk, "what..."
He hums and leans in, his fingers splayed wide as he places his hands on the wood, "what...hm?"
You steel yourself and force yourself to look him in the eye. You flinch at the darkness there and stutter. "Wh-what are you doing?"
He snickers and tilts his head, "I simply thought you earned a bonus with all your hard work," his tongue pokes out as he smirks. "It should suit you well..."
You take a step back, nearly falling into the chair as you collide with it. You can't hear above the pounding in your temples. No, it can't be what you think it is. He's not saying that. He can't expect you to wear that... that... thing. You stumble around the seat and scurry to the door, fumbling with the handle as his calm pursuit trails after you.
As you pull the door inward, it snaps back shut. His hand is above you on the wood as he pens you in against the door. You whimper and clutch the handle tightly, pressing yourself to the door as your heart hammers against your ribs. You shudder as his other hand curves around your waist.
"When it arrives, you will put it on," he commands, "and you will begin your duties as always."
"Mr. Laufeyson, please, I'm scared--"
"You needn't be," he purrs as he leans in to inhale your scent, his breath grazing your scalp, "you take orders rather well. I trust you will continue to do so."
"I don't--" you wisp as you brace the door, his fingertips poking into your side as he grips you tighter, "I don't want to..."
"Mm, pet, you should know by now," he loosens his hold on you and lets his hand stretch across your stomach, dragging it up to your chest as he brings himself flush to your back, "this isn't about what you want." He bends and nips your ear with a growl, "you wouldn't want to let dear old dad down, would you?"
You whine and twist the handle frantically. You're pinned to it as he continues to grope you, rolling his body against yours from behind as he groans. You're mortified as heat radiates from his touch and floods your veins. The flames lick at you and have you tingle as nuzzles you breathily.
"Didn't think so," he rasps and slowly draws away.
He backs away as your knees buckle and you slide down the door, crumpling against it. His shadow struts away as your hands shake and you watch them in a haze of shock. You're weak, you're stupid, and you're worthless.
You could scream for help, you could run out, you could try. But you won't because he's right. You can't. You need him more than he needs you.
💄
Mr. Laufeyson opens the door ahead of you, waiting patiently as he turns to watch you. You carry the bag of containers against your work bag down the hall as Frigga trails you. She informs you that she put a few extra goodies in as a surprise. You nod and thank her, trying not to show your discomfort as you near your employer.
"Thank you, mother, but I'm certain she is eager to be away," Laufeyson intones, "she has a loving father waiting for her at home."
You flinch. You still wonder if he'd witnessed that pocket dial or not. He's hard to read even when he's spelling it out clearly. You bid a final goodbye but scuff to a halt as Laufeyson stretches out an arm.
"Allow me," he takes the bag from you, his hand brushing yours before closing around the straps.
"Aw, Loki, my gentleman," Frigga preens, "darling, you have a good night."
You let him take the tote and your work bag. You precede him out the door, fluttering your fingers as if to shake away his touch. He follows you as his mother watches from the door. You keep your head forward as he comes close, sidling around you to open the passenger door before you can do so yourself. His behaviour sets you even more on edge. He's taunting you.
You get in and make yourself as small as you can in the seat. You refuse to look at him as you buckle in. He shuts the door and opens the rear one, placing the bags on the backseat before he diverts around the hood. He claims the driver seat, the car shifting slightly with his weight. He pushes the ignition and the car whirs to life. You fixate on the dashboard, trying to tamp out his presence and the memories nipping at your mind.
He clicks his belt into place and adjusts the mirror. He takes his time. You can tell it's deliberate. You don't understand him, but you're starting to. Everything he does is for his own delight, which he seems to draw only from your distress. You've never met anyone like him.
"A lovely day," he declares as he shifts gear, "wasn't it, pet?"
You blink and look at your lap, tracing a line on your palm.
"Now, don't be rude, I asked a question."
"Yes, Mr. Laufeyson," you mutter.
"You must be tired," his hand wanders from the stick to your knee, "why don't you close your eyes and enjoy the ride?"
"I'm okay," you fold your arms as he squeezes your leg.
"What is the matter, hm? You seem perturbed, pet."
You shudder and put your hand on his as it starts to crawl higher, "Mr. Laufeyson, please stop calling me that."
"I'm tired of your little game," he pinches the tender flesh of your leg.
"I'm not--"
"I've made myself very clear," he taps your leg before slipping his hand out from under yours, "I am interested and that's that. I am wealthy, attractive, I hardly see how it would be an issue..." he steers with one hand as he speaks to the road, "especially for someone like you."
It hurts. To have it said aloud. Not his intent, no, but your worth. Or, what you lack. Who are you to be picky?
You wiggle your nose and turn your face away. You don’t respond as your gaze pans through the window. Your eyes singe and your nose tingles. You feel like the little girl standing against the wall again. The whispers swirling all around you, fingers pointing, voices jeering…
The silence stretches the minutes to eons. You watch the streets pass and lean into each turn. Finally, he steers onto a familiar road. You’re almost there.
He slows and pulls against the curb outside your father’s house. You unbuckle the seat belt and he does the same. You glance up at him but he doesn’t notice. He gets out on his side as you hesitate. Before you can even get your door open, he’s halfway around the car.
You climb out, nearly colliding with the rear door as he swings it open. You sidestep it as he bends to reach within. He pulls out both bags, elbowing the door shut carelessly before stepping up on the pavement. You reach for your work bag and he evades your grasp.
“Ah ah, I insist, it wouldn’t be very nice to let you struggle with all of this.”
You pout. Nice? When has he ever been nice? He’s mocking you again.
“Mr. Laufeyson, please,” you beg, “I can handle it–”
“Go on, pet,” he motions ahead of him with the square tote, “it’s rather rude to refuse an offer of help.”
You cringe and shrug helplessly, throwing your hands up slightly. What else can you do but obey? He knows you have no other choice and he basks in that fact.
You turn and slouch, dragging your feet up the walk as he follows you. You search for an excuse to keep him outside. Some sort of out. He has to understand, your father is sick!
He trails you onto the porch and you stop at the door, facing him.
“I can get it from here,” you eke out.
“Nonsense, I don’t mind–”
“Please, Mr. Laufeyson, my father doesn’t feel well most days. He’s not fit for visitors.”
“I’ve come all this way. I know manners are hardly in vogue around these parts but it is only polite to invite someone in,” he reproaches.
You whimper. Why are you doing this? You don’t ask. You know already. He’s doing it because he can. Because you won’t stop him. You can’t.
“I don’t want you to go in,” you confess as you look down, “please don’t go insi–”
You hear the door, the loud groan of the squeaky hinges before the screen door hits your shoulder. You sidle out of the way and turn to Leslie as she pokes her head out. Her eyes flick up to Mr. Laufeyson and her forehead ripples in surprise.
“I was wondering what all the chatter was,” she opens the door wider, “what’s all this?”
“Um, Leslie,” you gulp, “I…” you blink and look at Mr. Laufeyson, “this is my boss. He just drove me home.”
“How nice,” she remarks, “that’s… him?” She steps out completely, “he’s your boss?”
“Loki,” he introduces himself, “charmed.”
“Me too, me too, I… Leslie, I help her father, I’m the nurse,” she explains.
“We brought dinner,” Laufeyson lifts the tote higher, “my mother wanted to send her well wishes. She heard about her father and wanted to help out.”
“That is so sweet,” Leslie fans herself, “please, sir, come in, come in, Charles will be so happy to meet you.”
Doom crashes down on you. You stand back as Leslie holds the door open and you only vaguely hear Laufeyson’s insistence that you go first. You move in a fuzzy sludge, barely aware of the world around you as your legs carry you on habit alone.
You stand in the front entryway as Mr. Laufeyson hands over the bag. Leslie takes it with glee and hurries away. You sway and touch your forehead. You wince as he touches your arm.
“Mm, this place is… vintage,” he muses as he nudges you, “please, introduce me. I’ve heard so much.”
You breathe out shakily and curl your fingers into fists. You give a pleading look. You’re already too embarrassed to tell him the truth. He doesn’t want to meet your father and your father doesn’t want to meet him.
You surrender and turn cautiously. You meekly pass through the entryway, your father’s shoulders hunched over the table as he works on the puzzle. You shuffle closer, standing just behind the corner of the couch.
“Dad,” you utter, “um… this is my boss, Mr. Laufeyson. He, er, he brought us some food.”
“Eh, is that what she was going on about?” He snorts into a cough and covers his mouth. He makes no move to rise as he reaches for another piece.
“Charles, is it?” Laufeyson steps forward, stopping just beside you, “I prefer Loki. It’s a pleasure to finally meet.”
“Chuck,” your father snarls, “call me ‘Chuck’.”
“Of course, Chuck, I didn’t mean to presume.”
Your dad tosses the peace and scoffs. He coughs again and stands, adjusting the tub below his nose as he rounds on his visitor. Mr. Laufeyson doesn’t waver as your dad scowls in his direction.
“Wonderful home you have,” Laufeyson offers his hand.
Your father looks at his fingers then narrows his eyes at his face. Mr. Laufeyson is a head taller, though your dad is wider. He claps his hands against your boss’s and tries to jerk his hand. The effort teeters your father but does not affect the other man.
“You’re the one dressing her up like your little whore,” your dad sneers.
Mr. Laufeyson laughs curtly, “pardon?”
“Look at that skirt,” your father spits.
“Better than the rags you supplied,” Mr. Laufeyson retorts without pause, “I can see she didn’t get her manners from you.”
“What did you say to me, boy?” Your father’s face contorts with rage, “you come into my home and– and– and–”
Your father coughs between each word until he’s racked and quaking. He grips the armrest as he leans forward and covers his mouth, unable to stop the fit. You go to help him but Mr. Laufeyson blocks you with his arm.
“He has his nurse,” he says brusquely.
“Please,” you beg.
“Don’t think I don’t know what you are,” Laufeyson lowers his voice dangerously as your father heaves, clutching his chest.
“Fuck off,” your dad chuffs out.
Laufeyson snickers and sighs, “are you always so hospitable, sir?”
“If I wasn’t chained to this thing,” your dad clutches the tube trailing down his chest.
“Alas, you are,” the taller man shakes his head, “let’s not. We have a lovely dinner waiting for us. A real man might even be grateful.”
“I’m not hungry,” your father turns and drops onto the couch. “Choke on it.”
Mr. Laufeyson lowers his arm and takes your hand without a look. He drags you away from the couch. He pulls you level with him and commands you to lead him. You take him into the kitchen where Leslie stands by the stove, the radio buzzing on the shelf.
“Just gonna pop it in the oven for a couple,” she smiles, “hon, why don’t you grab some plates?”
“Yes, why don’t you,” Laufeyson urges, “we’ll sit down and have a lovely family dinner.”
#loki#dark loki#dark!loki#loki x reader#fic#dark fic#dark!fic#series#au#maid au#dirty work#avengers#mcu#marvel#thor
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So basically ideas I got That you can work with if you feel like it! Also love your writing and I'm kinda new but not really ^^
-the beast cookies probably have a fear of small and tight spaces after litteraly being trapped in them for centuries especially shadow milk cookie because of him being able to change his size
-as much as they want to it would be hard to get a normal eating habit back or eat to much at one time because of being trapped for so long
-they would all so most likely have panic attacks or stuff if someone mentions trapping them again (which you could lead to a prompt about him being defeten or something which causes a panic attack and someone could have to calm him down if you want to or are up for it)
-there powers could act up if there in a panic even if there powers are trapped or disabled at the time (which can link to the one above this)
-Box Anon
Any mentions of the prisons, trapping, anything is sure to send them into a panic. As brave and bold as the Five Beasts are, they are still very much Cookies. So many eons of being trapped in such a confined space was suffocating.
It can be gradual or sudden, but you're always needed to calm them down. You have to ground them to the best of your abilities, reassuring them that they'll never go back to those prisons.
You do your best to help ease them into normal eating habits. They need to eat a lot considering their sizes, but they also need to be eased into it. Burning Spice Cookie nearly made themselves sick from eating so much at once.
Whenever you're in danger, or they feel cornered, the Beasts' powers most definitely act up. The first instinct of the magic is to keep you safe and to attack whatever is threatening them. Doesn't matter what it is, it needs to be dealt with.
You'll have your work cut out trying to help them, but you'll try your best.
#shadow milk cookie x reader#burning spice cookie x reader#mystic flour cookie x reader#eternal sugar cookie x reader#silent salt cookie x reader#crk x reader#cookie run kingdom x reader
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Thinking about the period stuff now and just thinking that the boys who would be total champs should Reader/Yuu be on would be;
Jamil - He's not only seen it all with his own sister, but has probably had to help Kalim's sisters at some point or another too. He's dealt with the worst cramps and flows to the "I didn't even notice I was on" girlies.
Ortho - Baby boys a walking Medwiki, has probably known your cycle before your first conversation with him. Would be more fascinated than grossed out by period stuff than most boys in the school.
Rook - Like Ortho, probably knows when you're on before you even realised you were and has a box of your preferred method of dealing with it in hand by the bathroom stall at the ready. Don't ask why he's in the toilet with you or how he knew what size pussy you wear, just be glad that in an all boys school, you have at least one (1!) friend willing to carry spare tampons/towls/mooncups/whatever for you.
Cater - Poor guys got 4 sisters and has been an unwilling student in all the "joys" of menstration. He'll look out for his favourite underclassman and bask in the praise of being such a reliable senpai/big brother type. But if his sisters are nuts normally, he's gonna have to work through some instense war flashbacks before he's any good to you.
Kalim - Most likely has a lot of sisters who are at the age where their dealing with this stuff, does his best bless him to take care of them but c'mon, it's Kalim. As soon as he tries people are calling for Jamil instead. That plus the sheer mythic level of cat fighting should any of his 30+ siblings syncronize means that like Cater, might be too scared to approach you at first but he makes it on this list for sheer effort and desire to help.
Of the human students, these all make a lot of sense! I def think the idea that Ortho already knew about your cycle before even knowing your name is super funny.
Little man's got a storage unit in him that has those stickable heating pads, pads/tampons, and pain medicine. One day, at a time that you know of Ortho, but never really spoken to him, he floats up to you. You're looking at him all confused before he opens up a compartment, takes out the above-mentioned supplies, and just hands them to you. He chirps about you needing them and lets you know that he's always well-equipped if you need anything else!
You're standing there with Ace and Deuce, confused. Your period doesn't start for another week, why did he—how does he even know your cycle? (That night, you notice that you started early).
And Rook? Fucking freak of nature he is. Why does he know your exact brand and period product preferences? Cause the man, similar to Ortho, is walking up to you one day, prattling on in poetic fashion about the beauties of human biology and reproduction (fucking weirdass). He hands you a small bag with your items, all the exact ones you get from Sam, down to the exact flow size. He tells you that you should consider heading to the bathroom now. Walking off, you freeze as you feel yourself get wet. You rush to the bathroom, finding that you started your period right at that moment.
Ortho is excusable, he's a robot. Rook's on thin fucking ice and is now required to stay 6 feet away from you at all times. If he wants to give you something, he can have Epel deliver it. He wins your favor back by buying you snacks, and you let him near you again. Just stop reciting poetry about the menstrual cycle, Rook I beg—
#mochi asks#twst#twisted wonderland#jamil viper#ortho shroud#rook hunt#kalim al asim#i think vil would also be very helpful#he is excellent at making potions so i think if he liked you enough he'd make you pain/symptom relief potions
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Alright, I’m gonna talk about Ed and abuse.
“Why, V? Why are you spending your precious time on Earth typing about some dumb fandom stuff when you could be doing literally anything else?”
In short, seeing all of these “Ed is an abuser who’s inevitably going to hurt Stede” takes have been driving me absolutely bonkers since I first noticed them. They’re not going away, so I’m going to bang out an essay.
In less-short: it’s because abuse is a serious thing and, as someone who’s experienced it, I get a little feisty when it becomes a topic of discourse in my silly pirate fandom. It’s because it’s upsetting to read meta after meta accusing an indigenous man of being an abuser. It’s because a lot of the abuse discourse in the fandom fails to separate real-life abuse from violence in a show. It’s because the vast majority of the abuse talk only acknowledges physical abuse which, while terrible, is not the only kind that hurts people and utterly destroys their lives.
It’s because calling Ed abusive or insisting that he’s a future abuser can harm people who are like him -- people who have suffered abuse or get angry sometimes or have hurt people when they were hurt. Victims of abuse, especially those who dealt with it in childhood, often fear becoming abusers themselves. They bottle up their anger for fear of hurting someone. They hurt themselves in a misguided attempt to protect others. They don’t need to see fandom meta that enforces their fears.
And it’s because, frankly, I am unemployed and I promise I’ll stop if you give me a transcription or copyediting job, please and thank you.
Before I get into it…
I may as well come clean and say that I’m on team Ed absolutely isn’t abusive and it’s weird that people are getting that from a show that’s full of violence.
Plenty has been typed in Ed’s defense by POC in the fandom, so I’m not going to go into how deeply unfortunate it would be to make an indigenous main character an abuser. I’m just going to say that, when you consider OFMD’s genre and attitude towards violence, it seems clear to me that you can’t call Ed abusive without calling out other characters (unless you have some kind of bias against Ed). His actions are deplorable in the real world, a bit much in OFMD’s world, deeply unhealthy, not okay by any means, and shitty and traumatizing for his crew, but they aren’t abusive.
I’m going to try to keep things polite and respectful. I’m also going to try to stick close to what the text is trying to say; I truly do want to present an honest, earnest analysis of something that I love.
The arguments in favor of Ed as an abuser.
We can’t defend an idea without knowing what we’re arguing against (with brief counterpoints that I hope to expand on later). For this section (lol, sections, that feels pretentious and weird and I’m sorry), I’ll be lightly rephrasing things and omitting sources.
“Ed has anger management issues that disqualify him from being a romantic lead.”
Counterpoint: Ed does not have anger management issues. (Even if he did, I can think of a few very successful franchises with shitty and violent romantic leads. Ew.) He gets angry sometimes, as we all do.
“I defended Ed making Izzy eat his toe because that was a single instance and abuse is a pattern. Season two made it an explicit pattern.”
Counterpoint: First, feeding people their toes isn’t a biggie in this universe. Second, Ed fed Izzy that initial toe because he stepped out of line and demanded Blackbeard; it’s likely that additional toes were the victims of Izzy not being obedient. (I’m not saying this is right or that it’s cool to feed people body parts when they disobey, btw. I hope that doesn’t need to be said.)
“The first two episodes of season two set up the cycle of abuse so well, but the show never follows through. It doesn’t even acknowledge that it set up that storyline. If they’d wanted to end the season on a happy note without spending a lot of time fixing Ed’s relationship with the crew, they could have just made Ed’s behavior in the first two episodes less dark and abusive.”
Counterpoint: Ed’s behavior in the first two episodes isn’t abusive. It’s a bit over the top and it hurts people, yeah, but Ed’s definitely not following in his abusive father’s footsteps and systematically abusing his crew.
“Season two gives us straight up abuse. It gives us Stede, still soft around the edges, being deliberately headbutted during their reunion.”
Counterpoint: There is no abuse between Ed and Stede. The headbutt was not a case of a violent person intentionally hitting their passive partner; it was a confused, unwell, and nonverbal man reacting to the presence of someone who hurt him. Also? Stede has no problem setting boundaries or speaking out. Good for him!
“As bad as the season finale was, I’m glad the crew’s safe from Ed. Now that Izzy isn’t there to protect them, any little trigger could set Ed off and lead to him hurting them. Stede, though… Stede’s stuck with Ed and the corpse of Ed’s last victim, and it’s only a matter of time before Ed destroys him too.”
Counterpoint: This take is so far removed from the text of the show that I don’t know how to address it quickly, but here we go: Ed is not a threat to the crew after episode two, Izzy did not protect the crew from Ed’s moods, Ed does not have a hair-trigger temper, Izzy is not Ed’s victim, and -- vitally -- Stede is in absolutely no danger. Ed is not destined to be an abusive partner in season three.
And an overriding counterpoint to everything is this: Our Flag Means Death is a comedy with tons of over-the-top violence. If your theory is unrelentingly grim or looks at violence and its consequences in a real-world light, consider stepping back and remembering what genre the events of the show are happening in. If you think that only the violence committed by the indigenous lead is abuse, look at the actions of the other characters and ask yourself why Ed doesn’t get the same grace you’ve granted the others.
With that quick and dirty rundown of the arguments I’ve seen, let’s move on to the next important step in building an argument: definitions.
What is abuse in the real world?
In the real world, abuse is extremely serious and not something to be taken lightly. But what is abuse? We can’t say much about it in any world without knowing what it is in ours, so here’s a simple explanation:
Abuse “includes [a pattern of] behaviors that physically harm, intimidate, manipulate, or control a partner or otherwise force them to behave in ways they don’t want to. This can happen through physical violence, threats, emotional abuse, or financial control.” (1)
“Emotional abuse includes non-physical behaviors that are meant to control, isolate, or frighten someone. These behaviors are often more subtle and hard to identify but are just as serious as other types of abuse.” (2)
It’s important to emphasize that not all purposeful harm to another person, physical or otherwise, is abuse. “What abuse really means is control. When a truly abusive situation exists, it’s because one party is seeking to control the other through abuse.” (2)
To summarize, abuse is a pattern of behavior that involves one person intentionally harming another. That harm is meant to control, and it can take on more forms than just physical.
That said, I’m mostly concerned with physical abuse here, as that’s the only kind that I’ve ever seen discussed in relation to Ed. Going into mental and emotional abuse will involve talking more about a specific non-Ed character and I don’t want to go there. Possibly ever.
In our world, all abuse is terrible. Vitally, our world -- and this is very important, so underline it twice if you’re taking notes -- does not operate by the rules of a pirate rom-com.
Okay, so what is abuse in the silly pirate world of Our Flag Means Death?
First, we have to understand what the show is. @piratecaptainscaptainpirates lays it out nicely:
“1. This is a rom-com.The central romance between Ed and Stede and comedy are therefore the two most core parts of the show, with Ed and Stede's romance taking priority over everything else. That's not to say OFMD doesn't have dark themes, it absolutely does; it's to say that comedy is always important to how the show is written, acted, and filmed.
“2. This is not a subtle show. That's not to say it's a simple one [...]. It's amazingly layered and emotional responses by characters are often extremely complex. However, when the show is trying to tell you something, it's not subtle and it never tries to hide it.” (3)
Did you jot that down? Our Flag Means Death is a romantic comedy with one core romantic couple, Ed and Stede, whose story takes priority over everything else. It can be dark, it can be serious, but it is, at its core, a comedy, and not a subtle one at that.
Some things are just funny and that’s it.
As a rule, the most obvious reading is going to be the one to go with. The show’s meanings aren’t hidden under layers of red herrings and subtext; if you’re compelled to bring out the conspiracy corkboard, you’re probably in too deep.
But this isn’t just a rom-com: it’s a pirate rom-com, and that comes with gratuitous violence. Here’s a short, fun list of examples of things that we can consider canon-typical pirate violence:
Tying hostages to the mast and letting them cook a bit
Wanton murder during a raid (“Note the gusto!”)
Pirate A threatening his crush at gunpoint until Pirate B gutstabs him
Whippies and yardies
Cutting off toes and feeding them to people “for a laugh”
Pirates who are madly in love stabbing and poisoning each other
Literally any violence directed at a racist (this violence is, in fact, good and encouraged)
There’s also the pirate-typical killing of other pirates. Duels don’t seem entirely unusual, and Izzy outright tries to get Stede killed at several points in season one. When Chauncey Badminton and the English navy show up after being summoned by Izzy, Stede’s life isn’t the only one on the line; the rest of the crew is also put in potentially life-threatening danger. Izzy is forgiven, so I think it’s safe to say that attempted murder is the kind of thing that pirates typically move on from. Eventually. If the attempted murderer is pathetic enough.
In short, Our Flag Means Death has a lot of violence, and very few instances of violence (looking at you, Hornigold) are treated as anything other than socially acceptable. But do you know what’s really important in the show?
Feelings.
The way characters feel as a result of something is given an immense amount of weight. All of the show’s subtleties are in the realms of the mental and the emotional, and that’s where the real pain is too.
Nigel Badminton’s death was bad because it was emotionally and mentally devastating for Stede. Ed’s father’s murder was bad because it hurt him and forced him to create a monstrous alter ego to cope. Both of those men -- Nigel and Father Teach -- are totally acceptable casualties; their deaths would be net positives if they hadn’t had such strong impacts on our leads.
Feelings are everything in Our Flag Means Death, and the feelings of our leads are the heart of the show. That’s where the story is; that’s where the complexity and ambiguity is.
So what is abuse in this context? The casual treatment of physical violence and the seriousness of emotional distress tell us to adjust our own moral judgments accordingly. Physical violence is everyday, straightforward, and often comedic; emotional violence is devastating and complicated. Physical violence is cartoonish and, half the time, part of a punchline. Emotional violence is real and raw and not a joking matter. Attempted murder can be shrugged off; ditching your boyfriend after experiencing a traumatic event is more complicated.
When we ask ourselves if something in OFMD is abuse, we have to consider the act in the context of a rom-com that’s all about the feelings of two guys, set against the violent backdrop of piracy, and absolutely packed with people getting maimed and murdered in casual, comedic ways.
Awesome! Now we’re a little clearer about definitions and genre and how we should adjust our expectations! Unfortunately, we haven’t jumped into the real meat of whatever the hell this essay is…
Is Ed abusive in the context of the show?
No.
Aaaand we’re done!
Joking, joking. Obviously I’m going to pick out the examples of “abuse” that people cite and discuss each one, but first: we need to talk about Ed, violence, and anger.
Ed is not a violent person. He’s not full of rage that’s threatening to erupt at all times, and he’s not some kind of sadist that revels in hurting people. The violence of Blackbeard is a fuckery: the theater of fear, an illusion of cruelty calculated to terrify enemies into surrendering.
Ed has his whole thing with murder that's rooted in childhood trauma. Killing his (canonically, decidedly) abusive father to protect his mother scars him so badly that he distances himself from the situation -- blames Father Teach’s death on the Kraken -- and can’t bring himself to directly kill anyone else after that. Blackbeard orders murders and causes deaths and maims and maintains his image as a bloodthirsty murderer, but Ed doesn’t do “the big job” himself until the end of season two. When Stede’s life is in the balance, Ed can kill to protect him.
Edward Teach kills only to protect.
But that’s killing, and we’re talking about general violence. Ed is casual about the day-to-day violence of piracy. He participates in it, incites it, and doesn’t feel bad about it. No one does! It’s part of the job!
That leaves us with the "anger problem." Ed is frequently characterized as an angry person who lashes out when enraged, and I don’t think that canon at all supports this interpretation. Ed gets mad, yes, but his anger is always at least understandable. It isn’t a constant, simmering thing that turns him into an abusive monster when he’s triggered. He doesn't always deal with his anger (or any of his other feelings) in a good and constructive way because both of our leads lack emotional maturity, but I think it's a mistake to characterize him as an angry person.
Hopefully I can elaborate on this idea -- the idea that Ed is only violent and angry in a normal and canon-appropriate way, and anger is by no means one of his defining characteristics -- by doing a run-down of all of the times Ed is accused of being abusive or showing signs of being an abuser.
Sooooo...
Ed loses his shit on a falling snake during his nature adventure with Stede (S1E7). In this scene, he’s embarrassed about the whole treasure hunt thing and annoyed by the very existence of nature. He is not relaxed. When nature takes him by surprise by falling on him, he stabs the crap out of it in a scene that is played for comedy. There’s the important part: this is comedy. Ed is grumpy and his childish tantrum is harmless and silly. It isn’t a red flag. Overreacting while irritated isn’t an indicator that someone will be abusive.
Ed punches Izzy after the English have taken the Revenge, captured Stede, and turned Ed over to Izzy (S1E9). Honestly, I think the fact that Ed lets Izzy talk before punching him demonstrates a great deal of restraint on his part! This is justified anger and fear for Stede’s life. This also isn’t some sign that Ed hits Izzy on the regular.
In his post-pillow fort era, Ed is cleaning up his cabin when that one highly contentious Izzy scene happens (S1E10). Izzy insults Ed, tells him that he’d be better off dead than as he currently is, and says that he serves only Blackbeard (Ed better watch his fucking step). Ed reacts by grabbing Izzy by the throat and telling him to choose his next words carefully. This, in my opinion, is a valid way for a pirate captain to react to insubordination. At the very least, it doesn't tell us that Ed is Izzy's abuser; there's no indication that this isn't a one-off provocation and reaction.
Which takes us to The Toe Scene.
In real life, it would be extremely fucked up for a boss to remove an employee’s toe and make him eat it. OFMD is not real life. One episode earlier, Ed was talking about the life he was glad to leave behind -- the life where The Toe Thing was done “for a laugh.” Not as punishment, but for fun. It’s set up as something that’s gross (“yuck”), not a grave punishment. When Ed feeds Izzy his toe, he gives Izzy what be asked for: he gives him a violent captain. He gives him Blackbeard. He gives him the guy who fed people toes for fun.
But what’s important here is that Ed is not having fun. He’s having a hell of a lot less fun than Izzy is, going by their expressions in the scene. This isn’t who he wants to be, but after having the possibility of a better life snatched away, Ed throws himself back into the sure thing. He becomes the Kraken -- the captain Izzy wants, the violent monster that Ed thinks he is and tries to distance himself from, and the only thing Ed thinks he can be. It’s sad. It’s desperation, not anger and abuse.
In the second season, Ed headbutts Stede after he’s revived from his coma/death (S2E4). In the next scene, Stede is holding a cold steak to his face and calling it an accident. Roach says “that’s what they all say” -- a line that alludes to domestic violence. The thing is? It’s not, and the crew has expectations of Ed that Stede doesn’t.
Ed is freshly out of a coma (or newly alive). He’s nonverbal. His brain is, medically speaking, couscous. He still has one foot in the gravy basket. When he sees the man who left him hovering over him -- the man he loves, the man who just appeared to him as a mermaid -- he tries to say something then, when that fails, resorts to a headbutt. This is a single violent action perpetrated by a confused and hurt man who doesn’t know what to do with all of his feelings. He can't talk. He can't push Stede away.
Stede understands all of this, even if the other characters don’t. He sees the headbutt for what it is: a bit of a bitchy move. He isn’t afraid of Ed. He never is.
Stede also isn’t afraid of Ed when he acts out later that episode (S2E4). When Ed learns that Stede went back to Mary, he excuses himself from the dinner table, smashes a chair against the wall, and knocks a vase to the ground. In this entire episode (this entire season, tbh), Ed is having intense feelings that he doesn’t know how to express or work through; the reveal that Stede returned to his wife is the final straw. He takes his tangled feelings out on an acceptable target (a chair, a vase) instead of Stede because he doesn’t want to hurt Stede.
This looks a little like displacement -- when “an unacceptable feeling or thought about a person, place or thing is redirected towards a safer target.” Displacement is an “intermediate level coping mechanism.” That is, it’s more sophisticated than the ways children deal with intense issues, but it’s still not entirely mature. In an adult, it indicates a level of emotional immaturity. (4) Ed is emotionally immature, not inherently violent. He gets overwhelmed by his feelings and lashes out -- not at a person, but at something that can’t get hurt.
Displacement is not an indicator that someone is an abuser. It’s a coping mechanism. It’s an attempt at emotional regulation. It’s not the best coping mechanism, but it’s definitely not a sign that someone is going to go into a rage and assault people.
Stede cringes when Ed smashes the chair and sends the vase crashing to the ground, but he’s not afraid of Ed. He is never afraid of Ed because he knows that Ed isn’t a real threat to him. He cringes because sometimes that's what a person does when a loud thing happens. That's what people do when chair shrapnel starts flying. Also? It's kind of embarrassing behavior on Ed's part. They're guests enjoying a mediocre dinner! That's no way to act!
And this leaves us with the first two episodes of season two, which are an absolute mess.
Ed is fully in his Kraken era. He has no hope that Stede will return, he no longer trusts the crew, and he feels trapped in a life he absolutely doesn’t want. He thinks that he has to perform Blackbeard until death sets him free. He sobs in his cabin when no one’s looking. Publicly, Ed fades into the role of remorseless and bloodthirsty pirate captain.
Needless to say, this makes for a shit work environment. Ed works the crew too hard. He drinks and does drugs and runs everyone ragged. He’s an absolutely terrible boss, but he isn’t abusive.
That isn’t to say that the crew left on the Revenge isn’t traumatized. They are! They’ve been thrown off balance by the sudden change for the worse in someone who was their friend, and they’re traumatized by the neverending violence that the constant raids -- raids that were bloody and deadly, not the fuckeries of the past -- demanded of them. They’re traumatized by that final night in the storm when Ed did everything in his power to goad them into killing him, almost murdering everyone in the process. They’re traumatized by their own attempt at murder.
In S2E4, Blackbeard’s crew has flashbacks to the violence they perpetrated under the Kraken: Jim fighting Archie, Fang breaking a man over his knee. They’re also haunted by guilt about what they did to Ed, as evidenced by their Lady Macbeth-style scrubbing. Their own violence is a significant part of their trauma in this episode.
No, that doesn’t absolve Ed. He drove the violence -- demanded it of both the crew and himself. He hurt other people because he was hurting, and that’s terrible.
Ed’s behavior in the first two episodes of season two is horrible, but he’s not abusive. Not all bad or violent behavior is abuse.
(We also have to ask ourselves just how bad Ed’s behavior really is. Archie, someone from the pirate world who has no idea what the Revenge was like pre-Kraken, tells Jim “that’s how these things usually go” at the height of Ed’s violence. She doesn’t act like she experienced anything out of the ordinary which is, if I may be honest, kind of worrying. But ultimately, whether or not Ed’s actions when he was at his worst are normal for pirates doesn’t matter a ton here.)
But what about Izzy, I’m sure you’re asking!
What about Izzy indeed. Ugh. Okay, let’s just… let’s walk through the first two episodes.
One of the first things we see Ed do in season two is shoot a man. At first this seems like the show telling us that Ed is embracing the kind of violence he couldn’t manage before, but if we pay attention, we can see that he’s still following his “not a murderer on a technicality” logic. The man he shoots has a sword through his chest; he's as good as dead. He also falls offscreen before Ed shoots, making the action less impactful.
OFMD is not subtle and this is a quick way to communicate what’s going on with Ed. He’s not doing well and he’s more violent than he was last season, but he’s still himself under the Kraken’s makeup. He hasn’t done a moral one-eighty. If the show wanted us to think that Ed's a monster, they would have made him a hell of a lot more violent.
So. Izzy.
Immediately after Ed tells Izzy that he’s replaceable in S2E1, we reach the scene that people point to and say, “That’s domestic violence!” This is where Izzy breaks down because he has just been told in no uncertain terms that he’s not Blackbeard’s special little guy. That’s devastating to him, and he cries when the crew shows him kindness.
Jim tells Izzy he’s in an unhealthy relationship with Blackbeard; Frenchie describes their relationship as “toxic.”
A toxic relationship is “any relationship [between people who] don’t support each other, where there’s conflict and one seeks to undermine the other, where there’s competition, where there’s disrespect and a lack of cohesiveness." (5) And you know what? Yeah, Ed and Izzy definitely have a toxic relationship. Well-sussed, Frenchie! And is their relationship unhealthy? It sure is -- for both of them! But the crew is, understandably, more sympathetic towards Izzy because they’ve never been present when Izzy was hurting Ed.
(Only tangentially related, but the crew must have really liked Ed pre-Kraken. As far as they know, the man went dark with no warning or cause. They deal with his bullshit for approximately three months (assuming one raid a day), and he has to go so far before they put an end to him. Remember when they were ready to toss Izzy overboard after, like, twelve hours under his command?)
Even though they only have one side of the Izzy and Ed story, the crew isn’t accusing Ed of domestic abuse. The term doesn’t apply to the mutually fucked-up thing that Izzy and Ed have and, beyond that, the scene is played for laughs. Jim and Frenchie use comically modern language; the whole thing feels like an intervention for a stressed-out middle manager with a shitty boss. It's funny. It's a comical thing in a comedy show.
Moving on.
Izzy returns to Ed and tells him that the crew won’t throw treasure overboard to make room for more treasure. Ed says, “And that’s another toe.” Losing a toe is the penalty for failing the captain.
Which is more likely: that Ed cut off Izzy’s other toes on a cruel whim, or that Ed cut off Izzy’s toes after other perceived failures? I’m going for option two. It’s obviously not okay to punish an underling by taking toes, but we’ve already established that toe-removal isn’t a cruel and unusual pirate punishment. It’s done “for a laugh.”
(Specifically, toe-chopping is the cost of Izzy’s failure. Frenchie disobeys and lies to Ed in his short time as first mate and he doesn’t lose a single toe. Izzy bears the brunt of Ed’s cruelty because he’s the one who demanded it.)
This is not who Ed wants to be, but it’s who he thinks he has to be. It’s who Izzy told him to be.
Izzy makes the mistake of invoking Stede and Ed storms above deck. He holds the crew at gunpoint, one by one, and asks them if they think that the vibes on the ship are poisonous. No one gives him a positive answer and Ed turns the gun on himself. He works himself up until Izzy interrupts and the following exchange happens:
IZZY: “The atmosphere on this ship is fucked. Everyone knows why.”
ED: “Well, I don’t. Enlighten me.”
IZZY: “Your feelings for Stede fucking Bo--”
[Ed shoots Izzy in the leg. Ed steps over him on his way back to his cabin.]
ED: “Throw this shit overboard and get suited up.”
I don’t want to go into speculation about the true cause of the fucked up vibe on the Revenge (it’s clearly not just Ed’s feelings for Stede) or why, exactly, Ed shot Izzy. What’s important for this post is this: Ed's actions are not unusually cruel for a pirate captain who considers his first mate out of line. This is the kind of thing that the idea of Blackbeard that Izzy worships does to maintain his reputation.
Fang cries when Ed shoots Izzy because he knows Blackbeard. He has been with Blackbeard longer than anyone else, and this isn’t Blackbeard. Blackbeard doesn’t work his crew this hard. Blackbeard doesn’t disregard the deaths of long-time crewmates like Ivan. Blackbeard doesn’t shoot his own crew. Fang is off-balance and distraught because his captain of twenty years is acting far, far more cruel than the Blackbeard he knew.
This is not Ed as he usually is. Ed at his worst is breaking all of his past patterns. He’s behaving like a different person. His actions at this point in time are not typical of his past actions or predicative of his future actions.
When we reach S2E2, Ed is chipper. He’s cleaning up, he’s tying up loose ends, and he has decided that, no matter what, this is the day that he dies. He’s determined. First, he’ll give Izzy a crack at killing him; next is the storm, the destruction of the steering wheel, and taking increasingly desperate actions to get the crew to stop him. He tells Jim and Archie to fight to the death. He goes to blow the mast away with a cannon and doesn’t react as nameless crew members are being washed overboard.
Ed is stopped only by Izzy’s reappearance and the violent mutiny that follows.
None of what Ed does here is abuse. This is desperate violence. This is an unwell man begging everyone around him to send him to doggy heaven.
And finally, we have the big murder party in the season finale. A surprising number of fans interpret Ed’s willingness to cut down naval officers as a sure sign that he’s gotten worse and he’s more violent than ever. This is, in my opinion, a take that completely ignores everything we know about Ed and his relationship to violence.
I said it before, but it bears repeating: Edward Teach kills only to protect. He murdered his father to protect his mother. He mows down colonists for Stede. He kills for love, and by the end of season two, he has made some kind of peace with the Kraken and his own capacity for violence.
It’s sweet. Like, it wouldn’t be sweet in the real world, but in this world? In a world where physical violence is funny more often than it’s serious? In a world full of pirate characters who all have hefty body counts? It’s growth. It’s Ed healing.
Ed is doing better. He’s not a threat to the man he loves, and now he’s not a threat to himself either.
Anyway!
No, Ed is not abusive. No, there’s no indication that Ed will become abusive in the future.
“Okay, but many abuse survivors take issue with the irresponsible message that Jenkins is subtextually sending with Ed’s story!”
That’s fine. Take issue with things. Feel whatever you want to feel, but remember that abuse survivors are not a monolith. Consider, just for a moment, that the abuse you think you see in the show is not textual. Ask yourself if Ed is truly worse than all of the other characters or if you have some bias warping your view of him.
Finally: please keep in mind that I’m not trying to present The One True Interpretation. I’m just rolling all of my arguments and thoughts into one big ol' ball and throwing it out into the wild. You don’t have to agree with me but, if you don’t, I hope you’ll at least have a bit of a think.
If you read this and liked it, please consider validating me with a like! If you read it and didn’t like it, I’m sorry for wasting your time. If you skimmed the first part and decided to dismiss me as soon as I said I don’t think that Ed is abusive… idk, peace and love and goodbye.
#ofmd#ofmd meta#edward teach#long meta#like too fucking long#abuse#tw abuse#cw abuse#me typing things#fandom critical#kinda?
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getting katsuki gifts for the holidays was like trying to teach a monkey to dance, it was impossible.
you'd whined, mumbling about how the two of you had enough money to buy most items you wanted; katsuki also never seemed to never ask for things specifically.
"so, katsuki... the holidays are coming up!"
he's picking at his ordered in take-out, and you can see his displeasure at the lack of peppers as he picks through his kung pao chicken.
"yeah, already got your gift," and he's giving you smirk that makes you sweat, "are you sure you got the right chicken? this shit tastes like the fuckin' kids menu."
your eyes get caught on the wedding band wrung around his fingers, sailing the veins of his forearm till you can see his bulging biceps in the black muscle shirt. was your husband hand-carved by gods? seemed likely.
"mmm, no, it should be the kung pao chicken, want me to chop some chilies up for you?"
you're standing before he can protest, taking out your knives and chopping boards, "and you already have my gift? I don't have your gift, yet."
the box of take-out is set down as your husband circles his arm around your waist to leave soft kisses on the column of your neck.
"yeah, 'cause you don't love me," and a thankful hand squeezes your ass just to show his appreciation for the chopping of chilies, "...whatcha gonna get me?"
his hands are still wandering, and you're thinking more of what his talented fingers could do than his stupid gift, "i'm not supposed to tell, you know. santa's elves might get me into a whole lotta trouble."
he gropes you even more fiercely, and you can feel his pressing need against your back.
"fuck santa,"
he carries you off in a fit of giggles to your shared bedroom.
-
the bookstore was fairly crowded and you felt thankful you could slip by unnoticed and browse the various books of romance or sci-fi; katsuki didn't even seem like a sci-fi guy so each row left you feeling panicky and like a bad wife the further and further you went.
"excuse me, do you have any classical romance?"
the timbre of the voice makes your heart stop. It sounded just like, well, katsuki! your legs are thrumming with the knee-jerk reaction to tackle him to the ground, but you were literally buying his gift! the surprise would be ruined, and you're dashing into the row of cookbooks to calm yourself.
maybe it's not even him. you know what they say, just because it sounds like katsuki doesn't mean it is! you're affirming yourself silently when footsteps grow close, and your husband is flashing by you in seconds.
it is katsuki!
"i'm fucked."
your eyes follow the object of your love, his strong hands randomly pick books out of nowhere, but there's grumbles of displeasure as he skims the summary and grimaces at the cover. he didn't know that much about books, but you deserved something special.
you'd dealt with all the hero stuff (being gone for long periods of time and coming home nearly dead was no news to you), always made him lunch or dinner, and frankly... katsuki found his eyes drifting to a sleeping baby in its stroller.
he'd started thinking more like that. so the gift had to be pretty damn good!
a man strikes up conversation, and you smile at the idea that katsuki wasn't just factually married, but he gave that aura too. yeah, that was your man.
"i'm shoppin' for my wife," straight to the point and he's already grumbling at having to interact with this person for more than a minute.
"wow! a true husband, what's with the books then? looking to open your marriage?"
it's a joke that katsuki doesn't find funny, you do however and you're sure this conversation would be going very differently.
"fuck no. i'm just lookin' for somethin' good," there's a brief pause in his words, and katsuki looks askance at having to provide a reason why, "she does a lot for me. want her to know I appreciate it."
a beating heart is soothed by the words. your hormones run wild at his mild love declaration, and you're grinning like a mad man.
katsuki wakes up on christmas morning to find his absolute favorite thing; you.
and the book he got was pretty damn good, too.
#bnha imagines#mha x reader#boku no hero academia x reader#boku no hero academia smut#boku no hero imagines#my hero academia smut#my hero academia x reader#my hero academia imagines#bakugou katsuki x reader#bakugou katsuki smut#bakugou x reader#katsuki bakugou x reader
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MINTHARA NSFW ALPHABET
A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)
100% depends on how much she likes you LOL if you’re a one night stand you’re getting kicked to the curb 😹😹 BUT if you’re close enough i think she’s kind of sweet? she finds it a little embarrassing but she still wants to do it, so sometimes it might come off a little awkward lmao. kisses any marks/sore spots left on your body and tells you how good you were 💗
B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)
i feel like minthara has KILLER buns like is it just me……….. she has a really muscular, perky ass lmao, and she’s definitely proud of it. OH AND HER BACK is a close second. i think her favorite part on her partner is their chest. AFAB or AMAB doesn’t matter she loves to mark it up and play with their nipples.
D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)
lowkey has a doting/maternal side that she has to suppress during sex. but you didn’t hear it from me (call her mommy and watch how she short circuits)
E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)
she’s super experienced. had one night stands all the time before you and isn’t shy at all when it comes to sex. also do we think she let the goblins that were obsessed with her smash? yes or no.
F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)
face sitting. giving or receiving. also likes bending you over surfaces.
G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)
i feel like she tries to keep it serious but every once in a while something will happen/be said and she’ll break LMAO she can’t help it she is lowkey sillay 💗
H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)
y’all already know my girl is rocking a bush stop playing. she’s too grown to be worrying about pussy hair 😹😹 probably keeps it trimmed though, and i’d say it’s slightly darker/coarser than the hair on her head.
I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)
okay i don’t feel like she’s PURPOSELY romantic. like she won’t consciously do things she considers romantic but some of the stuff she does instinctually is really romantic/sweet (holding your hand, brushing your hair out of your face, etc.)
J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)
yeah i can see minthara jerkin it LMAO. but only if she can’t find someone to sleep with/just needs a quick nut. like i said she’s not really ashamed when it comes to sexual matters so if she’s horny that shit will be dealt with TRUST 💯💯
K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)
DACRYPHILIA. your sniveling/whimpering gets her GOING. do NOT go to her for a shoulder to cry on YOU WILL GET FUCKED !!!
M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)
she loves a partner that is typically strong and capable but can easily make them pathetic and submissive whenever she wants.
N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)
not a lot she won’t do. up for most things unless it’s like….. really, REALLY fucking weird 😹😹😹 also anything that feels demeaning is a no. will humiliate you but don’t try to do it to her.
O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)
prefers to receive here, but if you’re good she’ll put in the work 😼😼
P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)
almost EXCLUSIVELY rough. only slow and sweet if she’s tired and had a long day. but that just makes those slow and sweet moments more special ☺️💗
Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)
def a quickie queen. if she’s horny she will be on the lookout for somewhere to fuck. doesn’t care if anyone hears/sees either so the spots are pretty easy to find 😹😹
S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)
can go multiple rounds with an interval in between. don’t try to go back to back immediately or she will throw out HER back LMAO. a little recuperation first and then she’s good to go.
T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)
hell yeah boy. she uses them on herself and her partner. sometimes it doesn’t even have to be an actual toy— if she finds a random object that gives her ideas she will be using it.
U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)
SOOOOO MUCH. will actually tease you to TEARS (she was hoping that would happen). even outside of sex she likes to touch you/whisper dirty things to you out of the blue. loves how she can fluster you, it makes her feel powerful.
V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)
likes to talk but i don’t see her moaning super loud. if she moans she tries to stifle it by biting her lip, so they’re pretty grunty and groany. i think moaning loudly is a little too vulnerable for her and feels kind of awkward.
Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)
SUPERRRRRR high. like i think it can be legit exhausting sometimes 😭😭😭
Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)
prefers to stay up and read or meditate or something. getting the vibe that she’s the type to smoke after too lmao. but occasionally she’ll be out like a light— you wear her out sometimes 😹😹
#this gif looks like shit omfg pretend it looks good yall#baldurs gate headcanon#bg3#baldurs gate 3#minthara#minthara bg3#minthara baenre#minthara headcanons#minthara x reader#x reader#my headcanons
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How to make gardening easy
If you've grown up watching people garden, it's likely you've seen them working around with a big hoe, digging the soil, tilling it, constantly at the war with the weeds. This is traditionally how people garden, because of simple fact that no matter where you plant something, there's going to be native wild plants growing around it, likely suffocating it, unless you do something about it. So people traditionally, have had to fight a lot of weeds, so their garden plants could have all of the space, nutrients, water and sunlight to grow.
Due to this natural issue, that makes the planet a living space for us, the first problem you hit when you're starting a new garden, is a bed of weeds that need to be dealt with. There's grass, there's dandelions, maybe some tall native plants, and you're standing there sighing, thinking of how to convert this into a garden-friendly space. And the first human instinct is to get the space tilled and leveled. But that's difficult. Here's how you can do it without as much effort, by being super smart.
The smart thing is to start early. If you look at your intended garden space 4-6 months early, and you know you're going to have to deal with all these native plants, you can instead, prevent them from growing, by blocking the sunlight from them, and then letting the time take care of it. This is done by several different ways, but all of the include covering the ground with something that won't let sunlight get trough. The most common way is to get a bunch of cardboard (ideally without print), lay them out over your gardening space, put some rocks or weighty stuff over them, so they don't get blown away, and then you can walk away, get back in 4-6 months, remove them, and fresh and ready soil will be waiting for you. All that plant matter will die without sunlight, some of it will get eaten by bugs and turned into fertilizer for you, and you did maybe 1/20 of the work and invested some old cardboard.
If you don't have/like cardboard, this can also be done with a big tarp! A third way to do this, maybe not 100% efficient, is to cover the ground with mulch instead. This is what I do. I bring bags of dried leaves to the garden, spread them across the beds and cover them this way. It doesn't need to be leaves, you can cover the ground with straw, hay, dried grass, wood chips, pine needles, any organic matter. It's not completely efficient, because this organic matter will fall apart and turn into soil itself, so it might not give you a perfect coverage, and some plants might just grow in that instead, but! This method also makes sure your soil is already somewhat fertilized, and your plants will absolutely love all of the degraded organic matter; it will bring in bugs, it will bring in worms, it will bring life to the soil, your garden will be rich in life.
Now, let's say you've done it, you've gotten your empty garden bed, and you're about to plant in It, do you need to work the soil still? I would say no. Gardeners love to work the soil until it's in tiny little pieces, so the new plants have an easier time pushing the roots trough it, so it's easier to work with. And yeah the worked soil is lighter, fluffier, more filled with air pockets, which new plants do like! But what happens next is, the rain falls, the soil absorbs a lot of moisture, and then condenses and turns into that same hard airless dense matter that it was in the start. Digging the soil can only make it lighter and more filled with air, temporarily. That's why gardeners need to do it often!
Worked soil, especially rich in clay, will also get a very dry top surface, which can get rough and fill with cracks, making it look desert-like. Plants do not love this, and gardeners often have to work the soil just to break that cracked surface and get their plants some air. Soil that is dry and dense will also struggle to absorb a decent amount of water, so rainfall won't give it as much goodness as it could. So, what can you do instead, to make the soil palatable to your plants, and not susceptible to being dried up and dense and difficult for your plants? You can again, add organic matter on top.
If you're sowing your seeds directly, it's good to wait for your plants to grow a little, so they don't have to fight the mulch, but as soon as your plants are taller than a few inches, you are encouraged to cover the ground around them with any organic matter. What this will do is 1. Stop the surface of the soil from drying out, keep it very pleasant, soft and damp for the plant 2. Stop additional weeds from growing, save you from tons of weeding, 3. Protect your soil from erosion and 4. Fertilize your plants.
Soil erosion is a common problem in agriculture, where dried-up top of the soil is eroded by the wind, and ultimately turned into sand, which in a monocrop situation, can turn the entire area into a desert unless there's frequent rain. Now I'm not suggesting you could ever, by growing your little garden, create a desert area – you will not. But keeping your soil safe from both sun and wind will make sure it doesn't lose nutrients, water, and it's own structure, you're keeping it safe! And adding even more richness to it by letting the mulch slowly fall apart on top of it. Whenever it rains, the rainwater will fall into your mulch, take in nutrients from the parts that have composted, and then carry it down to your plant's roots. Your plants will get to eat new food every time it rains.
Generally once my plants outgrow all possible weeds and are not longer in the danger of being suffocated, I forget about weeds and just let them grow, they're not threat to me anymore, and having lots of greenery in times of drought is good for both the plants, and the little critters in your garden. Oh I forgot to tell you about the critters! One thing your garden needs is airy soil, filled with little holes and passages, that gardeners usually make manually with their tools. But what you're doing is luring thousands of little worms, bugs, critters and underground creatures, by all that rich mulch they love eating, so they dig the ground for you. They make holes and passages and air flows through them, making the soil light and fluffy. I've found that keeping the ground covered with mulch during the winter creates the entire different quality of soil than the one that isn't covered; the soil that was covered is so light and easy to work with, you can plant using just your fingers.
Having the quality of your soil improve to the point where you can work it with fingers, will usually happen after 3 years of gardening like this! In the meantime, you might need some tool just to get the seeds underground; I've been using a single spoon to plant everything in the garden. It's the smallest, and thus least-disruptive to the soil type of tool. We want all of the creatures in there to feel safe and undisturbed.
Even though I wrote all this pretending like I can totally garden like a smart person, in the reality I absolutely will completely ignore some parts of my garden all winter, check on it in the spring when it's super weedy, pull the weeds out by hand, and only then mulch and plant, laughing at myself for letting the soil quality go bad – but it still works. As long as I add mulch at some point in time, the garden succeeds. So if you're right now, in the height of spring, considering planting some beans – but you haven't done the whole '6 months earlier' procedure, no worry. I didn't either. I pulled out some weeds and planted beans today with a spoon, I'm gonna add mulch when they come out, and I'm still 100% certain they'll be fine, as long as there's rain. So many of our efforts cannot compare to even one single rainfall.
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Very much love your take on the new looks for Orym and Ashton! I saw a bit of your post about how Liam and Tal give feedback... would you be willing to share any information about how the back-and-forth process works between you and the actors as you work on their stuff? (I just love hearing HOW the awesome happens, not just the end results.)
Yeah okay. Lemme think, here. Alright let's so this as a numbered list-
1- Actor sends description of character. This is pretty broadly interpreted, in my experience. It's something between a brief paragraph, an annotated pdf, and multiple pinterest boards.
2- I send back a Pitch. This has taken multiple forms in the past, but it's generally settled into a few pages, that kinda go-
a- Poses and Vibe Sketches- This includes little portraits, attitude poses, a couple sketches showing extreme dynamism or movement. I try to suggest outfits and weapons or accessories, here, but I don't spend a lot of time fleshing it out.
b- Outfit Poses- usually on a turnaround or one fairly lowkey pose. I try to include 3 or 4 serious attempts at outfits and maybe a couple of backs, if it's important.
c- Color- I usually just pick an outfit at random and try to give it a few different palettes. If the actor is absolutely sure what the palette is, or if it's a character I've worked with before, I might just make one palette and briefly color each of the outfit sketches from b in that palette
d- Accessories, Weapons, Other Important Stuff- if the character is carrying around like a book or a bird or a really specific weapon, I try to address that in its own space, though sketches for all of those things may exist on other pages. This has been known to be very pretty or a bit boring.
3- There is some form of back and forth between me and the actors (and a producer, who are all lovely and don't step in on creative things but are always working against a schedule and need to know how things are going. I just want to be clear that every producer at CR is a secret angel who eats deadlines and shits magic and every one of them totally Gets It. They are all One Of Us). The back and forth is always individual and based on the actor but it can be-
a- Actor picks from menu, usually via complex "circling" system (also all sketches are numbered, so they can just ref numbers).
b- Actor sort of picks from menu, while moderating and adding further references.
c- Actor just sends a bunch more shit and I narrow stuff down based upon what they seem to be getting at.
4- There's this bit of finding what the pose is gonna be, marking in all the necessary accessories, getting that last email about adding a scar, can we add a necklace? etc. What you are left with is something that the Producers call "pre-final." If it hasn't already been with the modelers and painters this whole time, this is when the modelers and painters get the design and start their magic.
5- I go away into a cave for a time period of quiet reflection with my Gods. I refer to this period as "rendering." I cannot be reached by the reason of man and spend a lot of time bitching to my friends while I try to figure out why shading a cape is suddenly the most difficult thing I've ever dealt with in my life.
6- Done!
#i hope this is what you were asking for#and i didn't just write out a really boring list of chores lol#what's important is that the whole process feels private#even though I know it has the eyes of a LOT of people on it#including sensitivity consultants and friends and family of the actor#i consider that a Good Thing#it takes a village to raise a dnd character
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Just my thoughts and stuff on the watcher situation. And update. Ramblings.
Watcher did something bad. all three of them made the decision. They have now dealt with and responded to the backlash regarding this decision.
The backlash was justified. People aren’t saying they shouldn’t be paid. We all believe they should be paid fairly. They should also learn how to run a business and spend wisely especially in this time where money is sparse.
It wasn’t bullying as people have said. Sure there was some but the majority of the things said about this was genuinely criticism regarding their decision and regarding how people felt like they weren’t valued as fans in any capacity because this was done without consultation and consideration for the fans.
The backlash was also valid in that they hyped it up and announced new hires and a new show displaying expensive food and frivolous spending on food that a majority of their audience isn’t able to afford in the first place. This is where I believe people brought up that they don’t want to just pay for Steven to eat “$1000 burgers” is because that was the last thing they had posted about doing which doesn’t appeal to a majority of the audience.
They are definitely more disconnected from their audience then we had previously believed which is now very apparent. While I believe they should be able to create what they desire on their own platform I think they also need to take in consideration what their audience wants.
I think this was also a bad decision because they lost a considerable amount of viewers when they went to watcher in the first place they thought putting up a paywall would be good way to make their audience larger and happy.
The update they provided was good in that they addressed most of the concerns the audience was expressing however people feel betrayed over this and some won’t gain that trust back with them.
As for the Steven lim hate. I think he was/is just not as connected to the audience as Ryan and Shane were within the content created. A good example of this is the live shows. It’s Ryan and Shane and Steven isn’t a big part of it. The banter between the three of them is fun however a lot of people are after the bfu banter. It’s like the Ryan and shane show with a side of Steven. Which is a big reason as to him getting a lot of blame through this. As well as the public display of what appeared to be the morals that shane specifically abided by which are very different then what was shown with the making and execution of this decision. The opposing morals are what I believe made people weary in blaming all three of them in this. However it was a decision made by all of them. And now dealt with by all of them.
They ALL deserved the criticism and backlash for this decision and I’m glad they have addressed this and made the changes to their decision. They have lost trust and still need to reevaluate spending within production costs but I’m glad they dealt with the content distribution aspect of this issue.
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