#and what better to do than fall into a very consuming hyperfixation | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

inknopewetrust · 2 years

Text

Fanfiction Recommendations! As the summer comes to a close, I want to highlight some of my favorite authors and their beautiful talent with all of you.

Take a moment, read their work, and support them by commenting and reblogging—all to let them know their work matters and their contributions to their respective communities are valued and heard. Heed all warnings before consuming content, the authors and myself are not liable for the content you interact with.

Cherry Blossom Colored Kisses // @queers-gambit [Eddie Munson x Reader]

I am normally a streamlined reader. One of those who doesn’t venture into supernatural, folklore-esq fics but something spurred me to read this and all I can say is that it was perfect. There are few words beyond perfection to describe this work. It is simply phenomenal. I never wanted it to end; the writing was beautifully heartbreaking and lovely, and the emotions—God! The emotions! I have re-read this multiple times and will be reading it until the end of my days. I only wish I could be as brilliant a writer as you. Thank you for sharing your gift with us.

For you, I’ll Go into the Woods // @aniqua [Eddie Munson x Reader]

If you continue reading this rec list, you’ll also see that Aniqua is in the masterlist category too. She is simply amazing. Every work she’s ever produced has been excellent. A true, exquisite talent that I am so happy to call my mutual. Not all writers take time and care into how their readers are represented, but Aniqua shows that with impeccable kindness and strength because in the end, all we want for ourselves is to be the best version we can be—and well, she writes that. Aniqua, you are the best. Your writing transcends from the page and into our hearts. We are so lucky that you continue to write and produce work that we love. Thank you for sharing your gift with us.

My Favorite Henderson // @luvfae [Eddie Munson x Reader]

Listen, I love Henderson!Readers. I do. Plain and simple and very much a fantasy because 1. Dustin is my fav and 2. I adore Eddie. This series is fantastic. It’s long (which is an absolute plus), well written, and totally engaging with great dialogue and a really wonderful representation of Eddie as a character beyond the scope of what we know of him. I tagged the whole masterlist of the series for you to check out—you can’t stop at one, you need to read them all and stay up all night because you can’t stop reading it. Fae, thank you for sharing this with us.

Detention // @mycurrent-hyperfixation [Eddie Munson x Reader]

While I like the good ‘ol canon fic like everyone else, imagining characters outside what we’ve seen is so interesting and goddammit I love this one. First, Eddie would definitely be stuck in detention more often than not because he’s a non-conformist and that bugs teachers; second, he would absolutely fall in love with a student he wouldn’t expect to see in there. This fic is so cute and wonderfully crafted. This author knows how well to write Eddie and the kind of character he is supposed to be—which makes all the contexts that they put him in all the better to be read. Thank you for sharing this with us.

High School Sweethearts // @uselesssomebody [Eddie Munson x Reader]

This is a [ongoing] fic series that just started and I cannot wait to see where this goes. I love the dynamic–Eddie on the outskirts of society while Reader is woven within it trying to find an out. It’s got that enemies to lovers, faking dating trope that we all love and let me tell you, one ‘chapter’ in and this author has me in the palm of their hand. Their username is uselesssomebody and while I don’t know the context for it, I can tell you all (who decide to venture this far and actually read everything I wrote) that this author is far from useless and is certainly not just somebody. They’ve created conflict and empathy and the foundation for the story in a few thousand words while understanding the motivations of reader and Eddie so well. I cannot say enough, and maybe for the second time now, that I am jittery thinking about how this story will progress and I hope all of you will join me in enjoying this journey. I am simply smitten. Thank you for sharing this with us.

Night Moves // @eagerbby [Eddie Munson x Reader]

Oof did I love this. I’m a sucker for exes to lovers and the way Nicole wrote this is not only a beautiful, comprehensive story but the innate ability to be a storyteller in the most amazing sense makes this fic a perfect combination. Reader and Eddie have a realistic, palpable connection and the angst that slowly evolves into the revelations and resolution of the story is just fucking wonderful. And I don’t know at what point I begin feeling like a broken record, but there are phenomenal writers on tumblr (as well as Ao3–in particular) and being able to discover them through fandom is a great honor. They understand characters and their motivations (dare I say) better than the original authors or creators and that says something about the creativity and intellect of them. Nicole is one of those writers. You will also find her masterlist under the ‘Masterlist’ section of this fic rec list because it’s just that fantastic. Thank you for sharing your gift with us.

Spring Break // @strangermarvelss [Eddie Munson x Reader]

This fic. I want more! I want MORE! Enemies to lovers besties and goddamn does Sava do this well. I’ve read this three times because it makes me feel something and that is a testament to her writing. It’s fantastic and I love that authors are taking Eddie and adapting him into different types of scenarios. Like sure, is Eddie a golden retriever type who’s got big brown eyes and is a softy inside? Yes. BUT! Eddie could easily be irked by someone who doesn’t mesh with him in the way others have. Having Eddie in an enemies to lovers situation with a reader who is in the fruity four’s circle is just *chef’s kiss.* So, one, thank you for writing this and I, like many others, would love to see a continuation of this dynamic because you write it incredibly well. Second, thank you for sharing this with us because if it hadn’t been for you posting this, I wouldn’t have known what it felt like to love a fic so much.

Never Have I Ever // @me-gongoga [Eddie Munson x Reader]

Angsty fics that resolve with fluffy romance are bloody brilliant. They can make you feel ten different emotions if it is written well and shit, I’m here to tell you that yes, this fic is written exceptionally well. Not only do we feel every emotion and slight second hand embarrassment from the question Eddie thinks he has stumped everyone with, we also feel so profoundly rewarded by the end. UGH the satisfaction of that is amazing. As a reader who is getting older and who has been doing this *thing* for a decade, I adore when I come across stories that touch me in ways I wish I knew were possible ten years ago. So, thank you. Thank you for sharing this with us and creating feelings that are realistic and sound to the point where I kick my feet and giggle at myself. You make me feel sixteen again.

Right to the Bone // @havecourage-darling [Eddie Munson x Reader]

This fucking fic blew my nonexistent socks off. I loved it so much. Not only is it more than one part, it is incredibly written and the characters are wonderfully crafted. V, it’s not enough to simply recommend this story because I need to scream about it from the rooftops. Lovers to exes to ??? Exactly. Exactly what I’m looking for and because we are all simps for Eddie, only happy, complicated ends for this man and V gives that to us. It’s also not short. I love when fics are long so knowing that I’ll be reading it for more than a few minutes is the best, exciting feeling to have before actually jumping in. Thank you for writing this and sharing it with us. I hope those of you who take the time to read it simply adore it as much as I do.

I am a top gun girlie simp. It’s not something I will apologize for.

Bad Habit // @seasonsbloom [Jake Seresin x Reader]

There is no reasonable place on earth for me to sit and enjoy something this much. One, I love Jake. He’s exactly the guy I shouldn’t like but I do anyway and you know what? Fine. If he was real I’d hate him but I’d love to hate him… get the gist? This little series is amazing. Great writing, great use of the characters, and totally feels in canon too. All the top gun writers are great—and it’s fucking wonderfully long! I love long fics because I write long fics and to see other authors embracing the wc’s over 6 thousand words is amazing. Thank you, May, for taking the time to write this and sharing your talent with us.

Small Doses // @purelyfiction [Jake Seresin x Reader]

Again, here with another Jake fic but let’s be honest, this whole section will be Jake x Readers and so long as these fantastic writers continue to bless us with their work, it will a solely Jake list. Knockout. Not the call sign, but the code name for the fic. It’s a fucking knockout of a fanfic and I’m so happy to have come across it. It’s sexy and makes my heart do leaps because it has snark and steam and love and thrill. Hit the goddamn trifecta here, Ashley. Thank you for sharing this work with us.

Save a Jet, Ride a Pilot // @bradshaw-fanclub [Jake Seresin x Reader]

Please. The name for this fic alone should make you want to read it. There is a commonality between many Jake fics and I’m not mad about it (the “you hate him but love him at the same time” trope) and this fic… this fic does it brilliantly. I literally feel like kicking my feet from under by comforter because it’s just so fucking good. I signed my name with a heart in Hangman’s whorehouse just for this fic and I don’t regret it. Won’t apologize either. Thank you, Hayley, for sharing your talent with us.

Wine-Eyed // @whirlybirbs [James Norrington x Reader; POTC]

I used to sell myself as solely a Will Turner kind of gal but the older I got, I realized that Norrington was totally my vibe. I will die on that hill now. So, as any sane person does, I read all the fanfics I can and when a new one comes along, I read it, I love it, and birbs—listen… you knocked it out of the park. Absolutely wonderful, phenomenal, brilliant, amazing, life changing, awesome-ness. You keep this small fandom living for content alive. Thank you for sharing your work with us.

Ride or Die // @writefightandflightclub [Santiago Garcia x Reader; Triple Frontier]

I am 90% sure I’ve recommended at least one fic, if not the whole masterlist, of Luna’s before and every time I’m looking for something good, I come back to older fandoms I’ve been in and find new or past fics that I adore. Santi is a whole man of mixed emotions and complications that just make you want to say “I can fix him.” Ride or Die is that. Ride or Die is Santi at his antithesis and Reader being at the center of everything. I love it. And I highly suggest if you read this one, you’ll love all the fics that they’ve ever written because it’s not just Santi but many of Oscars other characters that are written perfectly. Thank you for continuing to write and share these wonderful stories with us.

Hot Summer Nights, Mid July // @luxurybeskar [Johnny Soprano x Reader; MSoN]

I went back through my archives to see what fics I may have forgotten to recommend in my last list and this is definitely one that I should not have looked over. Actually, probably all of Thea’s fics should be on here too. I love the Sopranos and while The Many Saints of Newark wasn’t the best film in the universe, the cast was sizzling and JB’s Johnny was certainly one of them. Thea writes him so well and self-indulgent too which is the best kind of writing tbh. If you enjoy this one, check out Thea’s other Johnny works and other writings because the catalogue is vast my friends. Thank you for sharing this with us.

Aniqua’s Main Masterlist // @aniqua

From Moon Knight to Shadow and Bone to Stranger Things, Aniqua’s writing will take you from universe to universe and leave you in love. Take the time to explore the masterlist she has created for all of her works because they are absolutely terrific.

Masterlist // @eagerbby

Everything on this masterlist is gold. It’s slowly growing with more content every week and I seriously cannot wait to see what else this author produces. Please, if you’d be so inclined, check out this author because their work is great and just like Aniqua’s work above, they’ll transport you to a little island of happiness for as long as you stay.

Masterlist // @masterofmunson

From Eddie to Peter Parker, everything is amazing. Amanda knows how to write these characters that I’m sure she could do it in her sleep, but I couldn’t pick one that I loved more than the others so I just smacked the whole masterlist on here for everyone to enjoy. Enjoy it, dear readers. They’re phenomenal and deserve all the love and support.

Um. How did we get here?

I’m a writer too, I guess… and I’d like to plug my own work—because Jesus Christ if no one else will, then I’ll do it myself! My name is Kelsey, I’m 24, and have been writing and reading fanfics for nearly a decade. Below are a couple of fics (and my masterlist) that I’m immensely proud of. It takes a lot for me to admit that I like my work—and certainly not all of it—but there are a few that I can’t help but love.

Thanks for all the support. Go check out the authors above and show them unconditional tumblr love.

Masterlist // @inknopewetrust (aka me!)

This masterlist contains every written fic I’ve ever posted on tumblr. You can find some of the work on Ao3 and different fandoms on my Wattpad.

Exile // @inknopewetrust (still me) [Darkling x Reader; Shadow and Bone]

This is a short series based in the shadow and bone world. Darkling x Fem!Reader that kind of set me on a path here on tumblr. It was the first mainstream series I’d ever done and the attention brought to it was very kind. I am very proud of this fic. I think it represents me as a writer very well and I was able to explore different themes of sensuality, romance, heartbreak, pain, and hatred, all in one.

The Hideout | It’s You and Me | Secret | Electric Music | and The Denim Vest // @inknopewetrust (oh yeah, still me) [Eddie Munson x Reader]

These are all of my Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader fics. Eddie is a comfort character. He’s the guy I would have been crushing on in high school and just like millions of other people on the planet, completely swept me off my feet. A few of these fics contain scenarios deeply personal to me—conversations I’ve had, situations I’ve been in—and to be able to therapeutically write about them through fiction has been a great pleasure. I’ll always believe Eddie to be one of my favorite characters to write for. He’s wonderfully odd—just the way we all like him.

Resolutions // @inknopewetrust (do you wanna guess?) [Marc Spector x Reader; Moon Knight]

I grew up loving Marvel. After a very traumatic experience writing for the fandom, I decided to take a step back a few years ago but I found a connection with Marc and Steven. There was an acceptance that I hadn’t been privy too, so it makes me incredibly happy to have extended my hand back into the pond. I am proud of this little series because I feel it dives into the complexities of what it means to be a partner—a loving, committed person when so much is going on. I hope that shines through for you too.

Volition // @inknopewetrust (Mhm… me) [Rafael Barba x Reader; L&O: SVU]

Rafael Barba is my favorite SVU character. Maybe that’s because I’m a Broadway girlie and RE is an absolute legend, but Barba is a whole deal by himself. I wanted to write a story aligned with canon and this is what I came up with. A complicated, dueling interest fic with a sequel that leaves lingering potential for the hypothetical future to be happy. I love Barba; he deserved better in the end.

229 notes · View notes

inevitably-johnlocked · 2 years

Note

Hi Steph, I hope you’re well. I also hope this message isn’t hurtful in any way. See, I’m not even 25 yet, but I struggle with shame at the idea that I’m still on tumblr and reading fanfic. It just doesn’t feel grownup or mature enough. It feels like I should get over it. It may seem like a childish concern but the level of distress and shame it causes me is significant. Have you ever felt the same way ? How did you overcome it ? Much love to you.

Hey Nonny *HUGS*

Listen: The idea that fandom should be discarded when you get older is UTTER FUCKING BOLLOCKS, and the majority of people shitting on older fandom folks and trying to make people feel bad about it are either too young to comprehend that there's no magic door you go through in your 20's and suddenly you lose interest in everything you enjoyed and pop out on the other side in a suit and tie, or "high and mighty" ass-twats who think they're better than everyone else, that everything except for what they like is “cringe” and are the same folks who think sports fandoms aren’t weird-as-fuck either.

They don't understand who keeps fandoms alive. They don't understand that the creators of the media they consume are also adults over 30 (this one ALWAYS confused me... like... who they fuck do they think wrote the content they currently enjoy in the first place???). They don't get that not everything is made for them specifically, and that people are allowed to enjoy different things.

They don't understand that being an adult doesn't mean losing a part of yourself, nor losing the things that make you happy.

And they CERTAINLY don't comprehend that it's fantastic being an adult in a fandom. I can now afford a Funko collection, or buy those prints I wanted, collect comics, create the art I enjoy, interact with people who share my interests, and play video games without rage quitting because now I enjoy the challenge that they present to me.

And, ESPECIALLY in this day and age of the entire world falling apart, obligations having to take precedence over yourself, and jobs working us so much that it’s nigh impossible to have free time anymore, we adults need things that make us happy, to help us make sense of the world, to help us escape it for just a little while, because honestly once you have to deal with real life again, it can sometimes really suck.

I've written and reblogged posts about this very thing in the past that you can check out, before I get to my main point and answer your actual question:

MY POSTS:

Fandom Twitter seems so ageist, I see why you don’t like it (with reply from JBaillier)

REPLY: I’m a 33 year old nurse, I come to fandom to escape

HATE REPLY (to a different ask): That other Anon is right, it’s weird you’re almost 40

REPLY to REPLY: Don’t let the ageism get to you

REPLY to REPLY: Don’t listen to that other anon

REPLY to REPLY to REPLY: Anons are mean

REPLY to REPLY: I’m 18 and it makes me mad people are ageist

OTHERS' POSTS

On Fandoms, Age and Gender

On Fanart and Fanfiction: When Are you Going to Stop It?

Ageism in Fandom

Ignore the Fun Police as you Age

Your Fave Author is over 30

You only need to like a thing to be a fan of it

Ageism in fandom, 27 is too old?

ALL THAT SAID, finally, Nonny, I can’t 100% relate to how you feel because I was fortunate enough to have family and friends who encouraged me and my interests given my affinity for art and my initial desire to be an animator. Of course I had the occasional adult belittle me, AND I still keep my fandom life VERY much separated from my personal and work lives, AND I also hyperfixate on fandom things so I’m always “weird”, so in that regard I have felt shame. But when I got into my late 20′s and early 30′s, I suddenly realized that those people who shat on me for liking the things that I do were just miserable people themselves, who had very little interests of their own, and their impact on my life is literally a blip of a moment in a life that could be 80 years long. Suddenly it didn’t make sense to me to stop doing things I enjoyed and be shameful of that stuff, because there’s so little in my life these days that makes me happy, and my Stuff and Things™ are precious to me. Sure, I still have a Personal Life, Private Life, Work Life, and Fandom Life that all vaguely connect together but are for the most-part kept separated, but it’s not out of shame, it’s out of “my job doesn’t need to know what I do in my off hours because it’s none of their business”. It’s worked for me, and perhaps it can work for you.

I mean, who wants to essentially go to work 40+ hours a week, pay bills, do essential and obligatory tasks and chores, try to stay alive, and then in what little free time one has and just.... do nothing? I genuinely do feel sad for people who feel like they have to abandon what they once loved... it must make life feel very lonely and very unfulfilling. For me, I do all of the adulty things mentioned above, plus I watch movies, I draw, I write, I maintain a blog that fulfills me, I read, I collect stuff, and I play video games. I can’t afford to travel nor do I have any partner/s in my life, so it’s these little things that make me happy. And once I realized that, it was easier to let go of any residual shame I still had.

Don’t ever stop enjoying fandom. No one does... Conventions of any sort would never exist without fandom. Sherlock Holmes is still a relevant literary figure because people STILL adapt it over a century later. Sports live on forever and no one ever shames those people, right? Like, I don’t GET football or hockey or the fandoms surrounding them, and I don’t GET enjoying a sport I’m not actively participating in, but sports isn’t my thing, ergo, not my place to shame someone else for it.

As one post put it up above there: a LARGE chunk of your favourite fic authors are in their 40s/50s/60s. Fandom is multigenerational and no shame should ever be had about reading fan fiction. I don’t make it a secret anymore that the only literature I read is fanfic. Quite frankly, it’s easier for me to consume because the worlds are already established, and I just get to read about what the toys I love are doing in the sandbox this time from someone ELSE’S perspective.

*HUGS* Please don’t feel shame, Lovely. It will take time, but once you realize how insignificant other people-who-you-barely-know’s opinion really is, you genuinely do stop caring what other people think. Literally just a blip.

*HUGS* Please take care, Nonny. I hope my words comforted you at least just a little bit.

#steph replies #chatting with nonnies #my advice #about me #fandom life #fandoms are the best #seriously

107 notes · View notes

roguemonsterfucker · 2 years

Text

okay no i have one more rant because this has been on my mind lately

a while back, i blocked and cut off contact with a mutual I’d known for literal years. they were one of the first people i met on tumblr that actually became a friend. i even crocheted them a gift and mailed it to them!

But they were of the strong opinion that you can and should easily stop having a hyperfixation of problematic media.

Just... stop thinking about it. Stop engaging with it at all.

Even if it’s a hyperfixtation (which is part of autism, ADHD, and maybe other neurodiversities).

That felt to me like saying “you can just stop being mentally ill.”

But it also felt very wrong to say that you have to stop liking media that’s problematic.

So firstly, good luck finding anything at all that’s 100% pure by your standards.

Secondly, I don’t know about anyone else but I can’t fucking control my hyperfixations. I literally had a hyperfixation on a character that was very triggering for me. I couldn’t stop thinking about this character or engaging with media about the character despite it causing me great distress. So don’t fucking tell me I can easily drop a hyperfixation. I won’t say it’s impossible to do at all, but easily? No! Not for everyone.

Thirdly, I personally think it’s much better to look at media with a critical lens than to drop something “problematic” just because it isn’t pure enough. Like, I still like Twilight. I love some of the characters but I also enjoy looking at it critically. I love examining the ‘problematic’ aspects of it, discussing those with my friends, and figuring out where they came from and perhaps how they could have been avoided. I’m not saying you *have* to do that with the media you consume, but that’s my preference for myself. I see everything as a learning experience. Why was this bad? What led to it? How could it have been avoided? What other media falls into these same issues? Those are fun questions for me personally to explore! I could go on a rant about Twilight and other things for hours and hours.

Fourthly (goodness this list is getting long and I still haven’t eaten), I do agree that with certain media, we should be careful about how we engage with it publicly and how we financially support the creators. I won’t pretend to be an expert in how people should do this. You really have to follow your own conscience. For me, it means I haven’t bought any Twilight things for many many years. It means that when I do bring up Twilight, I try to make it clear that there are many issues with it. And for me, when it comes down to it, I really don’t talk about Twilight outside my own friend group except for the occasional rants on tumblr about how THAT”S NOT HOW BIOLOGY WORKS MRS MEYER WHAT THE FUCK. But again, that’s just me. I’m not giving anyone orders. I just feel like no matter what the media is, if you’re engaging with it in a way that doesn’t support the creator then... why does it matter? You’re not hurting anyone.

If people want to drop media because of issues, I understand and support them. It’s just when people go around telling other people what to do that I have an issue.

#i'll block people over this i'm not joking

23 notes · View notes

caenor-au · 7 months

Text

(in the last paragraph I briefly mention emotional abuse and some of the things it made me feel, but nothing graphic. just putting it here in case you don't want to see that at all.)

you know how a common aro/ace experience is feeling extremely alien and broken until you find out you're aro/ace and now you feel better about yourself since there are words to describe your experience? I had the opposite experience. I thought I was a perfectly normal, straight kid who just didn't want to date prematurely. I even thought I had a crush on more guys than I care to count and that I fall in love easily! and only when I realised that I'm more aro-ace than anything did I think that I'm broken as hell, specifically because I realised I'm aspec. I don't really feel that way anymore but it's interesting that I had an experience that (at least to me) feels extremely unpopular.

it's also interesting that as an older kid I basically viewed myself as hyperromantic, because now I look back at my experience with romance and crushes and such, armed with my older self's knowledge and honestly, in retrospect it's so obvious I was aro even as a kid.

1. I'm pretty sure I experienced alterous attraction at some point (kind of in between romantic and platonic attraction) because with most of my "crushes" we stayed friends (or even had no actual relationship of any kind develop) and as far as I remember I was not at all distressed by this. I was more distressed about witnessing them having good relationships with others, because I've been graciously spared from those many times. to this day I'm extremely jealous of naturally likeable people who effortlessly have multiple good relationships.

2. apparently you can hyperfixate on people as well. as someone who suspects they're auDHD it makes a lot of sense that my "crushes" were less about an actual desire to date and be intimate with someone, and more about "hey this cool new person just stepped into my life. they will now consume all my thoughts". of course a lot of my thoughts were vaguely romantic in nature, because, well, I was a straight girl and what else would you think about when it comes to a cute boy? (there's also something hilarious about looking back at myself from a decade ago and my tween self thinking they're a 100% heterosexual cis girl.)

3. I was also not particularly bothered by being rejected. a supposed crush rejected me back in the day and not only did I not feel sad, it's like I forgot I ever had a "crush" on him. it was basically just an "oh well" moment and I moved on with my day.

4. I did think a fair amount about doing different romantic things but I put absolutely no effort into getting to know people romantically or making those daydreams a reality. when I chose to get to know someone better, it wasn't ever with a clear romantic intent. my desire for romance was very passive (and sex as well, I either didn't imagine most of these people in a sexual light at all, or a friend who knew about my "crush" did the work for me, and only then did I think the same things. my object of romantic and sexual thoughts was often more of a hypothetical unknown someone than an actual person I knew).

5. I had extremely bogus criteria for what makes a random guy a crush. cute? crush. I befriend them and think of them a lot and feel like talking to them? undeniable romantic attraction. I think teen me was just extremely starved of positive attention (most people wouldn't even notice me usually, and my tween/early teen years were the starting point for most of the abuse i went through) and possibly realised early on that as a girl, the only way you should be feeling towards guys was the romantic way. I am not immune to amatonormativity. anyway, in retrospect I did internalise a lot of things without ever thinking my experiences aren't normal or healthy. just like the way I thought your body's responses to emotional abuse (like intense self-hatred, inexplicable guilt, passive suicidal ideation) are a completely normal part of the human experience (because why would your mother, who loves you, wants the best for you, and provides you every material good you could imagine, also abuse you), I thought hypothetically wanting romance but refusing to put in the effort to make it happen was also perfectly normal and how most people operate. I had no reason to think of these things differently until life cruelly opened my eyes to the fact that I'm functionally extremely different from the norm.

6. since I'm probably neurodivergent and my natural state of being is extremely awkward, weird and not too likeable, all these "crushes" could've also been just an elaborate, subconscious attempt to fit in with the rest. just because I regarded my own lived experience as normal, doesn't mean I haven't been unknowingly fed information on what I should be instead of my true self.

tl;dr: as a kid I thought I was a completely normal person until life told me that I'm just about the furthest thing away from "normal", for multiple reasons.

#the alien's original thoughts™#arospec #aromantic #the alien's aromantic experience™#I wonder if anyone can relate to my experiences

0 notes

nongnaos · 1 year

Text

This or That, BL edition

Tagged by @icouldhyperfixatehim thank you! And once again, I wrote this up then saved it, completed, in my drafts and forgot about ever publishing it.

crying in the shower or making out in the shower [something to know about me is I have severe health related anxiety and seeing people get steamy in a shower where they are likely to slip and fall just... 😰]

give cute boy line ID or stalk his IG [i like seeing the soft little looks that privacy grants. Also Semantic Error ending scene? Ideal. Also TMS2 pining.]

share his earbuds or share his closet [warmth and its so cute!! i go feral every time!]

manga or manwha [i read neither but so many amazing bls have been adapted from both]

long dangly silver earring or dark leather cuff [i love both but i don't think I've seen much of either in bls??]

time loop or reincarnation [the untamed, my love]

blue engineering smock or red engineering smock [i don't particularly like the colour blue (sorry) but also: pran <3]

kisses at the beach or kisses in the mountains

cactus or chili plant [what? does this mean something i don't understand?? I guess chillis???]

fairy lights or spot lighting [sparkly twinkly tiny 😍]

ghost boyfriend or vampire lover [i hyperfixated on vampires as a child. Was it a good choice? In some aspects. Do I still sleep with my shoulders bunched up around my ears for fear of a neck attack? Yes.]

hard sub or soft sub [this is about subtitles, right? Am I naive? Softsubs are surely better for gifmakers..]

stray cat or … actually that’s your only option [my current cat was a stray feral baby and I'd take so many more if I could]

Hawaiian shirt or blue shorts [Pat <3]

evil ex-girlfriend or predatory fujoshi [i don't think I've come across evil exs very often yet (and not in bl but in Love and Leashes they handle the abusive ex story soo well and I still can't stop thinking about that movie) but I really dislike fujoshis]

suit jacket or leather jacket [love a leather jacket more than anything]

high school or university [idc too much either way but as I age I do appreciate slightly older stories. gimme more actual adults pls!]

kitchen drama or office drama [Old Fashion Cupcake, does it even count? Who cares... 😍😍]

forehead kisses or cheek kisses [look no one accidentally goes into a forehead kiss, they're so intentional. Also I'll never be over the atots airport kiss]

Viki or GaGaOOLaLa [I've not used gaga yet and I pay for viki but I had trouble with it so much at the beginning so i refuse to pick it]

Japanese arthouse depth or Korean high concept [i googled these to make sure i understood and honestly it confused me more but i watch a lot of korean tv so.. 🥴]

pink milk or yakult [the sheer amount of Yops and Frubes I was forced to consume as a child has made me repulsed by any kind of yogurty milky drinks]

censored Chinese BL or trashy Thai pulps [i want all of it, i want to be consumed by the love of a chinese show and also be able to laugh and relax at a pulp]

body swap or dead body [if wei wuxian was once dead does it count?? Also Wen Ning, my baby..]

sexy or story [we should be allowed both, but also I'm not too pushed either way, like Love In The Air is all steamy and virtually no story while The Untamed is allll plot and I still love both of them. Enrichment in the enclosure, to me, is having things of each and having things with both]

back hugs or lap sitting [😳]

piggybacks or cradle carry [head and ankles generally intact]

#tag game #my turn around time on tag games is staying a consistent half a year post-tag #will i finally clear out my other drafts? who knows! check back is 6-8 months to find out!#anyway thank you!!

0 notes

circle-bircle · 2 years

Note

YAY, so *deep breath* ill be going from chapter to chapter, if you dont mind:p bc i feel like it's going to get messy, if i try to talk about everything at the same time.

CHAPTER ONE - first of all, THE WAY YOU WRITE Y/N AS A CHARACTER???? im at a loss of words (in a positive manner ofc!!).

:::::::i have no idea whether its the fault of all those works of fiction that i had to force myself to read IN ORDER TO consume at least a bit of rare content for certain of my hyperfixations, but whenever I see a signs of ,,no, this character isn't going to start screaming and crying, generally making their situation worse, because of their stupid perception of having good luck on their side blah blah blah making even mOre stupid escape plan and then be mad when it unsurprisingly doesnt work out- like,,, yes, jennifer, you do have the absolute right to cope with such situation like that, but please just cease your noise for at least a second and use your brain!!" i buRST with happiness. i'll go more on about ,,why??" in the next rants, because ill kinda have more to go off from:3

also, the line "You should lie, but this man seems like someone who would trust you and your word until the day he dies",,,,,,circle,,,,,were you kinda fore-shadowing,,,,because now that i re-read it, it feels like what mateus kinda did til the very last chapter,,,,,,

nEXT, i adore the biting/feeding descriptions (as weird as that sounds-). it's just so,,, mateus-like, meaning GREEDY AF, rough, obnoxious and oh-so-abrupt (at least for y/n lol). i liked that a lot. and then,,, the atmosphere change, i felt as if those were the main indication of there being,,, a possibly,,, more-or-less romantic,,, relationship? if it's possible to call it that. ////:::well, mateus somewhat seems to believe, through most of the chapters, that it is a connection of this sort. bUt, the atmosphere changes - the way his expression softens, his tone of voice alternates when speaking to y/n, the small affection tokens (that kind of progress along with the story), the petnames?? spectacular.

last but not least for this chapter's coverage, i'm coming back for a second to y/n as the character - i loVe that she basically admits that she's treated,, more-or-less well in her predicament, the only thing bothering her being the lack of companionship and pure boredom //not a backstory of abuse, depression and dependancy that for reasons unexplained still want to make her come back to her own home, as it usually happens- bc as sad as it can sometimes get, its awfully repetitive, poorly executed and just plainly boring at times//. the line about how the escape could actually be awfully easy, due to mateus seemingly trusting her or just having a good excuse, in case if she was caught was a gReat addition, because,,,, it's really all it takes, doesn't it? the circumstances she found herself in are,,, well,, crazy??? so, it wouldn't hurt - that much - to at least hatch a bit lacking of details, a bit messy, but still better than just straight up spitting in the bastard man's eye and making a run for it RIGHT BEFORE HIM AND HIS SERVANT (i mean, leon DIDNT see us leave, he says to us,,, as we leave,,,but if mateus were there to witness that too,, he wouldnt do so, lets be honest)

(i am sO sorry if its too long aND messy, but i was writing it in the sprout of a moment and right after waking up!! chapter 2 will be a cleaner take,,, i think)

My reply will be under the read more. Because I don’t know how Tumblr cuts it off anymore and. I’m mildly courteous sometimes :P

As I wrote INI, I wanted two things the most:

1. Mateus is hot.

2. Y/N is a mildly normal person.

I don’t know who is reading on the other side of the screen. I don’t know who doesn’t have a parent, who does, who was homeless and lived in a cardboard box out in the country for his/her life. While I did want it to read like a Wattpad fic (I Fall In Love With The Hot Vampire That Takes Me Captive!?!!!?111?) I also didn’t want Y/N to be absolutely stupid. Generalizing what a normal experience might be seemed to be the smartest thing to do.

While Leon is definitely more ‘human’ due to his circumstances, Mateus only wants loyalty and a ‘bloodbag’ he can keep. I didn’t see Y/N falling in love with either of them as I wrote. As the story progresses with her first escape attempt, I knew I wanted her to be a functioning member of society.

I also didn’t want it to be like, ‘oh Y/N got kicked out of her apartment and now she’s homeless and x, x, x, happened to her OHHH LOOK AT HER!!!1!’ that’s silly (even if it would be accurate to what it would be like if INI was taking place in the real world). I think the isolation would be the worst part of living with them, especially in the beginning - Y/N isn’t nocturnal, she doesn’t want to be there, she’s attempting to be as neutral as possible. But also it’s a reader-insert so what can you do?

I feel like Mateus would be the nicest during feeding sessions. I mean, HE’S getting what are endorphins and nutrition from your blood. You’re weak from the draining and now you’re all sweet and pliant! He’d really enjoy that, and would especially enjoy confusing you and riling you when you can’t do anything <3

I feel like I missed things to cover, but oh well? :p

#ini #overly specific ask tag #I LOVE YOU ANON!!!!!#i hate stupid y/ns. due to the nature of the fic genre they kind of have to be #but they don't have to be STUPID STUPID either

0 notes

bluecookies02 · 3 years

Note

I've been having a hyperfixation on face fucking lately, so If you could do any character with that I'd literally cry my eyes out. I love your work so much and I've been binging it for days!!!❤️‍🔥

!oh absolutely, I'm glad you're enjoying the blog!

>disclaimer:all acts are consensual unless stated othervise<

﹊﹊﹊﹊🄵🄰🄲🄴 🄵🅄🄲🄺🄸🄽🄶﹊﹊﹊﹊

Dᴀʙɪ, Bᴀᴋᴜɢᴏᴜ, Sʜɪɢᴀʀᴀᴋɪ, Aɪᴢᴀᴡᴀ

﹊﹊﹊﹊﹊﹊﹊﹊﹊﹊﹊﹊﹊﹊﹊﹊﹊﹊﹊﹊﹊﹊﹊﹊

Dᴀʙɪ: (cw: squirting, overstim)

He'll fuck you until you're trembling, just begging for him to cum already, throat soar from whining on his cock for hours on end.

Dabi can last long, sometimes too long. He'll have you twitching and crying, squirming when his thumb meets your clit again. It's not like he didn't cum either, he probably filled you up once or twice, dick still terribly hard but equally sore and flaming red from how long he's been slamming it in and out of your pussy. This happens when he's frustrated, generally pent up and it just happens that fucking you makes him feel better.

With one final tap to your clit, you're squirting, back arching and nails digging into your own palm, his chest getting soaked and abs glistening while they flex. He's so close, the pleasure too much that he's not even sure he can cum.

"No more! Fuck, no more" you're panting and clenching your legs shut, his cock slowly sliding out of you. Your limbs feel sore, incapable of moving another inch while you take deep breaths, hands relaxing to reveal small moon-like creases you gave to yourself.

You can feel the bed dipping and then there's a hand on your jaw, gently turning your face to the side.

"Open up" his voice is soft, but not any less demanding, his tip nudging past your lips. You open your jaw slack, closing your eyes. His length fills your mouth, your drool smearing down your lips and across your cheek before staining the sheets. His cock sinks further, filling up your throat. You try to breathe around it, gagging and spluttering but he keeps still, giving u time to fix your breathing, pulling out only a bit to let the air pass to your lungs.

"You good?" and you have to think for a moment before humming, relaxing further when his hands move to the back of your head, fingers tangling in your hair.

"I'll try to be quick...take a deep breath come one..." he coos, and you know better than to not listen to his advice. As soon as he sees your chest rising, he's slamming as far as he can go, his balls flush against your face. He's cursing and groaning, humping the depths of your throat, holding your head in place. You're coughing, thinking about reaching to grab his hand, but you decide to hold on.

"That's it, fuck that's it, so close I promise..." he rushes out, the slapping of his skin against yours speeding up. You're almost passing out but there's a deep growl, and then there are hot splashes coating the back of your throat, your mouth suddenly empty while you swallow what you can, coughing out what wouldn't go down. He helps you up, a hand petting your back. You clean the mix rushing down your chin with the back of your wrist, palm opening up to catch the spit falling from your lips.

It takes you a few minutes and Dabi waits, an apologetic look on his face while he watches you struggle. You can speak up but you terribly want to, words coming out scrambled and broken up. Dabi's hand holds your cheek, letting you nuzzle against it.

"Too far?" he asks, worried. His warm hand finds your throat, trying to ease some of the pain with his quirk, suiting your muscles.

You try to shake your head "no". It was almost too much, dangerously close to it too, but your heart is full, body relaxing while Dabi takes care of you, cleaning you up and tucking you against his chest. After a few minutes, you're not sure if you fell asleep or not but you open your eyes, watching the way Dabi's fingers dance across your arm. You move it just a bit until your fingers interlace with his, falling back into the daze and eventually falling asleep

Bᴀᴋᴜɢᴏᴜ: (cw: none)

He's very rough but also very scared to hurt you.

Making him do anything unsafe is close to impossible and you respect that, you do. However you never saw him losing his mind, you never saw him fully letting go and fuck is it tempting. Even when he's angry he's still cautious. You fucked him silly but never fucked him stupid.

Finally, he's laying on his back, moving the hair from your face while you suck him off, saying dirty shit that makes you squeeze your legs together. Your hands are plastered over his meaty thighs, squeezing and gripping as you work him down your throat. He's timing your breathing, pulling you off every once in a while to let you rest.

"Relax" you whisper, circling your tongue over his flushed tip, flattening it against the slit while you look at him through your eyelashes. You're confident, and he caves quickly, letting you do your thing when he rests his head back against the pillows, closing his eyes.

You worship his cock, kissing and mouthing every inch, massaging the drool into his balls and squeezing every so often. He's not particularly loud during those, apart from the occasional praise he gives, humming to let you know you're making him feel good. You're going too slow and he's oh so gently raising his hips to meet your mouth, feet digging into the mattress. You keep him desperate, slipping your lips on and off his cock, watching him fuck the air each time his cock gets exposed to it, chasing the warmth of your throat.

It's not until you mumble a demanding "Go on" that you take him all the way in, waiting for him to move. He's not doing anything for a while, until he gets the memo, carefully rolling his hips, bucking off the bed. You're humming, throat vibrating each time he goes a little harder, urging him on. It takes a few minutes for him to let go and get into the rhythm, sloppily fucking your throat, eyes half-lidded to watch you. He didn't know he would get so terribly horny by watching you struggle, eyes glossy, the choking sound making him want to go harder, slam it down your throat until your eyes roll back into your head. He can't keep his mind from wandering, swallowing up by the image, feeling the coil in his stomach start to unroll.

You briefly put your hands on his hips, stroking his sides and following the motion of his thrusts, bobbing your head to meet him halfway. You can feel him twitch in your mouth, and when he breathes out "cumm-ghh" you pull off a bit, the first wave of cum falling on your tongue, a few smaller ones following soon after.

Aɪᴢᴀᴡᴀ:(cw:facesitting)

Your pussy is spread open, gushing and leaking onto his tongue while you jerk his cock, pumping the length in your hand with great care, movement slowed down so that you can selfishly roll your hips just right, thighs squeezing his head.

He keeps you open with his thumbs, nose buried in your cunt as he laps at your clit, suckling and twirling the nub in his mouth. He's grabbing fistfuls of your ass, trying to get all of your weight on him, pawing and kneading at it, a disapproving huff rushing through his muffled lips. You decide to indulge him dropping all your weight, chest bubbly to hear his satisfied groan, veins of his cock twitching in your palm.

You open your mouth vide, swallowing around his length with practiced ease, your hand moving from his base once it's fully inside. Like on cue, his strong muscular legs hook around your neck, pressing until your nose is mushed against his balls. A small part of you is thankful that he always takes thorough showers after training, but an embarrassingly large one wants to be consumed by the disgusting sweaty musk you can only imagine while you bury your face further between his legs.

Neither of you have much space to move, settling for just trying to reach and be closer to each other. Aizawa closes his lips over your cunt, mouth full as he swallows and gulps like he can't get enough, adrenaline pumping through him when he starts to feel a bit dizzy. You wrap your arms around his thighs, the position straining on both of your muscles, the burning sensation letting you know that you only have so much time until you're both at your limit.

Lazy rolls turn into hurried humps, your pussy chasing his tongue until it's just in the right place, tummy clenching from the surges of pleasure , His head rising off the bed so that he can press his tongue harder. You can feel your throat burning already and you get excited just by thinking about not being able to swallow food or drinks without being reminded of tonight.

He knows your body inside and out, knows that you're about to cum by the smallest movement of your hips and spine, ready to feel it so closely. He's only waiting for it, holding in his release just because he's so stuck on never cumming first, not wanting to miss you reaching your high, your moans and whines while your whole body moves and shakes, wave after wave surging to your fingertips and toes, forcing them to clench and curl.

He releases down your throat when you squeeze your legs around his ears, the first jolt of your body followed by his, cum pooling at the base of his cock. He cums like a bull, and unless your holes are plugged up, it's gonna seep out, you can't even swallow in time, gulps too big to handle, especially in a position like this one.

His legs slowly uncurl, freeing you and letting you slay down next to him. You can hear colors and you can see the sounds, mind on a beautiful vacation, not useful for a single thing. At least for half an hour.

Sʜɪɢᴀʀᴀᴋɪ:(cw:noncon, piss, mindbreak, humiliation, kidnapping)

He'll throw you on the ground, make you kiss his cock , make you beg to ruin your voice for weeks. He'll slap it against your cheek, smearing his tip all over your face and covering it in pre.

Pulling on your hair, forcing your lips open and already starting a quick pace. You can only try to push him away, arms too weak to do anything to help yourself. He doesn't want you to lose consciousness tho, snapping you off of his length for only a brief moment.

"Breathe whore, you're useless to me if you can't even suck a cock" you can barely breathe out of fear tho, four fingers tightening around your already bruised neck. Then he's pumping in and out of your mouth, slapping your cheek whenever you try to bare your teeth to make him flinch away, truth to be told he barely feels it he just wants an excuse to hit those plump cheeks. You hate yourself for not trying harder, but one can only have so much strength before giving up.

Your hair feels like it's gonna rip away from your skull, so you have no choice than to close your eyes and relax, slouching on the floor and letting him use your throat, hoping he'll get there faster.

He's not a fan of that, your chocked-up sounds noticeably disappearing when you find a way to get some air through your nose. It wouldn't be that easy, you should've known, two fingers stopping your airflow, causing spit to gush out of your mouth as your throat flexes and battles against his dick. He feels generous today.

It feels like you're dreaming when he finally lets you go, immediately fisting his cock in front of your face, aiming for your pretty eyes. Your eyelashes look beautiful, wet from tears, making them stand out better, more gorgeous...

He hates pretty things. He wants to defile them, make them as disgusting and monstrous as he is, the urge to ruin everything that dares be better than him.

You manage to close them in time, white painting your eyelids and forehead, some of it getting in your hair. He's finished with a sigh, tapping his tip to your lips before taking a step back. You're about to thank God that it's all over until you can feel the warmth hitting your tits, and then the smell hits you, causing you to curl up in yourself. It's not happening, there's no way in hell this is happening. You feel sick to your stomach, nails scraping against the floor until they break off, the sting not making you react at all, only focused on the sizzling sound and a satisfied moan in the background.

You lost the last ounce of dignity you had, brain shutting down while you just sit there, staring at the piss dripping down your thighs and your pussy, later hitting the floor and pooling on the cheap wood. Your eyes are wide, emotionless, robbed of the last spark they held. They're open now but you can't see a thing, everything seems to come to a stop.

You might hear the laugh before a door is slammed and locked, but you're not so sure anymore, falling unconscious in the cold room.

I pinkie promise to edit this in the morning bc my eyes r literally closing as I write. Who tf knows what I just blabbered on here but it's an adventure right. Is it gonna be a "you're/your" mess up, maybe? A plot hole...very likely. ooc...who cares, I do not believe in canon anyways😌

I feel like I made them all nut so fast but, more cummies the better I guess. ALSO ANON THANK YOU, I WOULDNT HAVE KNOW THAT THE ❤️‍🔥 EMOJI EXISTED IF IT WERENT FOR THIS ASK

Ko-Fi 💙| Patreon✨

1K notes · View notes

fbfh · 2 years

Text

leo x reader switcheroo au hcs

genre: fluff, lil angst, comfort

au: switcheroo au (you're leo's favorite fictional character)

a/n: debating calling this the reverse self ship au but it's a little clunky and ik not everyone is in the self ship community yk

also I got my covid booster shot today!! (the day I wrote this not the day it uploads lol)

Okay okay

We know having Leo as your favorite character is a lot of fun

This boy is a sweet fucking treat

He's a DELIGHT

And oh my god

YOU being LEO'S favorite character??????

It's just as much fun

He regularly re consumes your source material

Whether you’re from a book series, tv show, movie, web comic, video game

Doesn’t matter

You’re 100000% his comfort media

He quotes you literally all the time

Not a day goes by when he’s not making a reference to you and your anecdotes

He absolutely has a blog dedicated to you as well

His queue is always full of fanart, fics, headcanons, and incorrect quotes

He has special tags for fanart and fics he feels really captured you

Like perfectly

He’s super picky about that too

He feels like he knows you better than anybody

Or at least he hopes he does

So when he finds something that just absolutely perfectly encapsulates your vibe???

He’s so obsessed

He doesn’t think he’s that good at creative stuff

He is

So he has a really deep appreciation for fan content

Always leaves comments and rants in the tags

He’s a big fan of really subtle fan merch

Like he wants to feel like a part of your story yk

He’ll try to find replicas of his favorite jewelry and clothes you wear

He’s on a long term mission to get copies all of your signature pieces

Wearing an almost identical copy of your bracelets or favorite hoodie just makes himself feel so close to you

Will totally get samples of perfume he thinks you’d wear to spray on your hoodies and shirts

Commissions fanart and fics whenever he possibly can

Like you’re actually a serotonin factory for this mans

He has a few very, very carefully cultivated playlists dedicated to you

He listens to them all the time

Sometimes when a song on his playlists for you comes on somewhere else

Like on the radio or in a store or something

He just kind of stops for a minute

He’s just overwhelmed with thoughts of you

Sometimes when he needs to feel something he’ll fall down an angst rabbit hole

It’s so painful and you deserve so much better

God it always ends with him desperately wanting to give you the biggest hug

His greatest desire in this world is just to hold you

To look you dead in the face and tell you what a good fucking job you’re doing

How wonderful you are, how sweet and perfect and brilliant you are

How happy you make him

He wants so desperately to hold you and make sure you know what an amazing person you are

Because you’re so, so amazing

Not a single day goes by that he doesn’t think about you, cheeks flushed, eyes hazy

He giggles more when he thinks about you than any other time

Everything you do

Everything you say has his full attention

He’s so hyperfixated on you all the time

You’re hands down his comfort character

Every time he’s having a rough day he can see you crystal clear

You’d know just what to say, just what to do

Just the thought of you makes him feel so much better

The amount of nights he’s cried to you, imagining your comforting touch, your presence so viscerally he can almost feel it

He’s done that an almost comical amount of times

He knows you’d laugh that sweet laugh of yours and give him a fond look

You’d probably give him a kiss

Or several

Before pulling him close and saying something just so incredibly in character for you

The comfort he feels when he thinks of you?????

Un fucking matched

Whoever your love interest is

Whether it’s someone you’re canonically love interests with or just someone the fandom ships you with

Leo does not like them

He’s like how does it feel…. To be living MY dream….

Sometimes he gets in his feels about it and loops treat you better by Shawn Mendes and daydreams about fighting to win your heart

When he’s working on projects

Most of the time he’s also imagining you right next to him

He’s actually solved a lot of problems by mentally talking it out with you

It’s like in the first tatbilb movie how lara jean was lying on her bedroom floor and Josh and Peter appeared next to her

It’s like that

He’s lying on one of those rolly skateboard things figuring out what exactly he needs to solder

Then suddenly you’re next to him

“Oh wow, you’ve made a lot of progress…” you’d muse, remembering where he last left off

God he wants to hold you so fucking badly

But if he has to settle for an unrequited one sided love with the greatest fictional character ever created

Aka you

He’ll make the best with what he has

#leo valdez headcanons #leo valdez x reader #leo valdez imagine #leo valdez fluff #heroes of olympus x reader #heroes of olympus headcanon #heroes of olympus headcanons #heroes of olympus imagine #heroes of olympus #leo valdez

101 notes · View notes

snailsnfriends · 3 years

Text

Dream SMP and the Effects of Grimdark Media: An Essay

Hello! For those who don’t me, I am snail, and I have been interested in the Dream SMP since October, but joined the Tumblr community not too long ago. As a writer and actor myself, the work of those on the Dream SMP has absolutely blown me away. However, I and others have noticed a trend in the writing of the Dream SMP: a good sum of it is very grimdark, and I began to notice people really feeling the effects of that, and I wanted to look more deeply into it, and how that can be altered.

NOTE: I am completely aware that all of the writers on the Dream SMP are amateurs, and likely do not have any sort of “training” other than what they were taught in school. I would not be critiquing the writing of the Dream SMP if I did not believe that it could be “fixed.” Later in this essay, I offer suggestions to “fix” the problem that I’m bringing up. All references to factual information used in this essay will be linked at the end.

Now, before we can talk about the Dream SMP and its writing, first we need to figure out what grimdark media is and how that affects those who watch it.

What is grimdark media?

According to the google the definition of grimdark is “(of fiction, especially fantasy fiction) characterized by disturbing, violent, or bleak subject matter and a dystopian setting.”

So now that we’ve established what grimdark is, how does depressing media, or any form of media for that matter, affect our emotions as the viewer?

As we are consuming any form of media, whether it’s a movie, a TV show, a book, a podcast, a live theatrical performance, or a Dream SMP lore stream, we as the viewers are completely aware that what we are watching is purely fictional, and that those who are performing are acting. None of the events are real, none of the characters are real, and none of the settings are real.

So why do we react so heavily to certain moments? Why do we cry during heavy lore streams if we know that none of it is real?

A lot of it has to do with the human capacity to feel empathy/sympathy. Empathy allows us to understand the experiences of others, even complete strangers. Sympathy, on the other hand, allows us to share the feelings and/or emotions of others. As we are consuming media, we are aware that all of it is fake, but we still feel empathy and/or sympathy for the characters. So much so that a physical response, such as crying, is a result.

Even though the characters of the Dream SMP are not real, a lot of their characters’ responses to traumatic events ARE, so we as an audience sympathize with them heavily. For example, c!Tommy shows very clear signs of PTSD after being killed by Dream, such as extreme emotional distress or physical reactions to something that reminds the victim of the event (c!Tommy freaking out after taking fall damage), trying to avoid discussing the even or avoiding activities, people, and places that remind the victim of the event (c!Tommy refusing to go into depth about what happened to him), memory problems (does not really remember how long he was dead for), easily startled, always on guard, extremely irritable, angry outbursts or aggressive behavior, and difficulty keeping close relationships (his current relationship with c!Tubbo).

Even though we as an audience know that c!Tommy and his experiences aren’t real, his reactions to these experiences are realistic, and can be relatable to a lot of viewers, those with PTSD and those without (which is why it is VERY important to be careful with your word choice when discussing these characters; this connects with the problem of villainizing characters with mental illnesses, but that’s another topic for another day). We as viewers empathize with c!Tommy because it is likely that we have reacted the same way to traumatic events, and we understand them fully. They may remind us of our past and/or current selves, so we react emotionally to them.

We as people also mirror the reactions and emotions of others. If someone starts to cry, real or fictional, it’s likely that you will as well. If someone is angry, you will likely get angry as well. This is not odd, and is very normal for humans to do. Regardless, getting angry or crying are emotional responses, and will hurt you in some way.

Another thing to note is that this fandom is made up of mostly minors, and some of the most traumatized characters on the Dream SMP are also minors. It can be hard to watch kids your own age go through so much, even fictional ones. As an adult, it can be just as hard to watch these young kids go through so much, especially when you try to compare those characters to who you were at their ages.

Even those who have not gone through these events will likely sympathize with these characters heavily because what they have gone through is emotionally heavy. Because of all of this, watching heavy lore streams can have a negative effect on a viewer’s mental health.

Okay, so why is the Dream SMP storyline at the moment so dark and angsty? Why do people keep engaging with it if it is negatively affecting their mental health?

This sort of “angst spiral” of sorts is usually something I notice in fanworks such as fanart or fanfiction. It is sometimes a lot more fun to write or draw heavy, emotional moments, and they garner more attention.

It sort of goes like this: the plot has a normal amount of angst in it for the story, and at this point it is balanced with more happy or “fluffy” content, the angst gets more attention from fans, the writer (or in the case of the Dream SMP, writers) notice this and write more angst as a response but it is still bearable, the audience feeds off of this heavily and create more fanart/fanfiction/theories based on it, writer really notices this and (understandably) comes to the conclusion that angst/grimdark things are the best/easiest way to get the audience excited for the plot, the plot gets very very grimdark and is not balanced out with any upbeat moments, random angst plots are started with no real ending in sight despite that not being the original plan for the character/plot (feet are too small for the big shoes) and the rare upbeat moments are short/not given any attention, and at this point, it can be almost unbearable to watch because the plot has become too grimdark. Once we reach this point, or even a few before it, it can cause a big toll on the viewers’ mental health.

The reason why someone who has been negatively affected by the grimdark content of the Dream SMP may still watch it is because the Dream SMP has not always been this way, and the writers have proven that they can do upbeat/fluffy content, so they keep watching. A big example of this is the Disc War Finale. Although the first half of it was more angsty, the final parts where everyone came together to put c!Dream in jail and to protect c!Tommy and c!Tubbo was upbeat and even a bit cathartic to watch. C!Tommy and c!Tubbo sitting on the bench, listening to their discs together in the end was much needed for the audience. This can even be seen in smaller examples, like c!Tommy exclaiming, “I’m free!” while flying around with c!Dream’s trident, or c!Tubbo and c!Ranboo adopting Michael and getting married.

The Dream SMP also may be someone’s hyperfixation, so they are unable to simply stop watching.

So now that we know all of this, what can the writers of the Dream SMP do to fix this, and what can we as viewers do to help ourselves out?

As I said in the note before this essay, I will be citing examples of a more balanced lore/angst plot that the writers have shown that they are capable of doing.

The writers:

Make designated lore streams shorter

The best example of this is c!Tommy’s 25-30 minute prison streams. These streams were short, sweet, and to the point. We got all of the “lore” we needed quickly, and if you happened to miss it, it was easy to watch it back later. If the lore bits were too heavy to watch, then you would not be missing too much.

I know that this is definitely not always possible, so this is most likely the best way to go:

Balance out lore and funny bits in streams

Cc!Tommy’s last lore stream, pretty much all of the Pogtopia streams, and most of cc!Tubbo’s streams are like this. They are a mix of lore and funny moments where the CCs are actually speaking and joking with each other. These are a lot easier to watch because it is not heavy the entire time. The joking moments provide a break in between the angst, and it can also be used as a good way to remind the audience that the Dream SMP is purely fictional. These streams are also better for those who do not really care for the lore and would rather just watch the CCs mess around with each other.

For me, these funny moments are what caused me to fall in love with the Dream SMP and the creators behind it, and I know that the same applies to a lot of people in this fandom. I think this would probably be the best way for the Dream SMP to operate around lore.

The viewers

Try to take a break from lore streams if it becomes too much

As I stated before, the Dream SMP is not real, but the characters’ reactions to events can be very realistic and hard to watch. If things become too much for you, try to take a break from it. Stop watching the stream, don’t go on social media if you follow stan accounts or Dream SMP dedicated blogs, and go do something that calms you down. If you feel that you’re feeling good enough to go back to the stream, go ahead! If not, then that’s completely okay too!

Follow lore recap accounts/blogs to stay up to date on the lore

The fear of missing lore streams is centered largely around missing something crucial. There are plenty of accounts on Twitter and blogs on Tumblr that recap lore streams so you can stay up to date on the plot without having to watch the streams.

The VODs will be there to watch later

If things are too much, remember that you do not have to watch the streams in real-time. You can always watch them later if you aren’t in the right headspace to watch them live.

Conclusion

The Dream SMP’s writing and acting is very impressive. The amount of awesome fanart, fanfiction, analysis posts, and other work is absolutely amazing. It is so cool that so many people enjoy this Minecraft roleplay so much. The amount of people who love it is good proof that the writers are doing an amazing job, and the amount of people having an emotional response to it shows the same thing. However, the amount of angst can be hard to watch and can put the writers in a tough spot to get out of.

I have a lot of faith in the writers of the Dream SMP, and I believe that it is possibly on the right track, with Tommy’s latest lore stream being an example of this. I really do think that the amount of grimdark content can be altered and streams can be easier and more fun to watch. Hopefully we’ll get a more mixed bag of lore and angst soon to make things more enjoyable for everyone involved.

Sources:

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/post-traumatic-stress-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20355967

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-moral-molecule/200902/why-we-cry-movies

https://www.vice.com/sv/article/exqgqm/why-do-we-cry-when-we-watch-films

https://www.merriam-webster.com/words-at-play/sympathy-empathy-difference

#dream smp #dreamsmp #dream smp analysis #dreamwastaken #c!dream #tommyinnit #c!tommy #tubbo #c!tubbo #ranboo #c!ranboo #long post #dream smp essay #snailtrail.slimes

78 notes · View notes

thecagedsong · 3 years

Text

Forgotten Light Chapter 13: Tunnels

A/N: Hey there, long time no see. Left to hyperfixate on Doctor Who for a while, but I’m back on my Fablehaven business. This is a long chapter, it probably should be two chapters in the final version, but I really wanted to get the tunnels part out. Also, let me know if Kendra’s crafting is making sense and if the dialog for this chapter is working out. Very important chapter.

1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10 / 11 / 12 / 13

Chapter 13: Tunnels

When Kendra woke up the next morning, she knew Ronodin had left. The night before they had eaten dinner separately, and while Kendra focused on reading or staring at the library wall, Ronodin hadn’t come out of his room. She saw him for a moment as she went to bed, but he turned away from her.

It was confirmed by a note on the countertop.

Love,

I hate to leave while we’re fighting, but I have to go handle another errand for our host. Despite your doubts in me and what I implied, I will be back for you, and we’ll go on another little adventure. This is what we have to do until we can go on the bigger adventures together in the sunlight. At the bottom of this note is another design for an amulet you might try, and we’ll both be working to shorten your quarantine.

Ronodin

And Kendra was back to feeling bad all over again! She went back and forth all yesterday afternoon about apologizing again, promising that Mendigo wouldn’t stop him if he tried to leave, or holding to her words. It was dangerous. He was trying. She was being difficult. She had a right to be difficult.

Sketched at the bottom of the note was a triangle amulet, with crescents open to the left. Inside the triangle was a circle inside an oval with an ‘x’ through it, bisecting in the center of the circle. Because you have to carve intent into every craft, Kendra had to go look up what the symbol meant in the dictionary he gave her.

The triangle was a curse, and the eye a symbol for blindness. Putting it within a circle, she should be able to direct it only at certain people, namely enemies. Did she want to blind her enemies? On the one hand, it was the same principal as her weakness charm. No harm, unless they intended to harm her first. On the other…

As someone who can count on her hands the number of rooms she’s seen, as someone who is alienating the single relationship she has to get a glimpse of sunlight, and as someone whose most prized possession is a landscape painting of the outside, could she take away someone else’s sight?

Maybe she could limit it to cursing people not to see her. An invisibility charm was a lot less problematic than a blinding curse. Combing through the books didn’t give her any insight on how to limit the blindness. In fact, applying Ronodin’s charm as is to a circular amulet wouldn’t even limit duration. It would blind any enemy that looked at her once, permanently.

It would take good craft and magic application to create, and a single mistake would make the magic run out halfway through the first use of the amulet, leaving a person…partially blinded? Blinded in one eye? Temporarily blinded? It didn’t say, so Kendra had to put a couple of concepts together to make a guess. Magic based on gaze was actually the most magic consuming type of enchantment. That was all it said, so Kendra went looking through her little library for more of an explanation.

She managed to clobber together answers from five different books:

All magic is reactionary, a person must interact with the spell caster or the enchanted object for the magic to be applied. The safest place from magic is away from it. Simply seeing something only activates extremely rare curses and enchantments, usually crafted from Dragon parts, because it just required that much magic. Touch is the most common type of curse conduit, and came in the variations. Presence within an enchanted area or physical contact with the item or caster were the most common. Proximity casting is rare, but technically falls between touch and sight in terms of magic usage. There was also gaseous spells, which technically also operated based on touch, but the enchanted matter expanded, so that’s also deserved a special mention.

Kendra was a limitless supply of magic. If she wore a sight-based curse, well crafted to actually create an effect, it would never run out of juice. It would fully infect others every time. It also couldn’t be used against her to the same potential.

If she made that work, there was no way Ronodin could justify keeping her locked up.

But what if…what if her brother felt like he had to harm her in order to get her to go with him? She could blind him, and not even know it. Is that what old Kendra would have wanted, after giving up her memory for him? No. Temporarily feeling too weak to chase her? Fine. Permanently blinding someone with good intentions? Not fine.

Kendra left the books open and went into the hallway.

“Mendigo?” she asked, and the puppet walked in front of her. “How many hours ago did Ronodin leave?”

Mendigo held up two fingers.

“Did he say words as he left out the front door?” she checked.

Mendigo shook his head. Ha. She knew that he had made that up to keep her from stealing the key.

“You have to follow all my orders, correct?” Kendra checked. And the puppet nodded.

“Are there things I can’t tell you to do?”

Mendigo hesitated, then nodded his head.

“Are the things you won’t do if I tell you impossible because Ronodin ordered you not to do them?”

Head shaking no. She couldn’t ask him about the things he couldn’t do, Mendigo couldn’t handle questions more complicated than yes and no.

“If I gave you a paintbrush, would you be able to write out explanations to longer questions?”

Mendigo shook his head no. Drat. Complicated magic, but not an intelligence behind it.

Could she craft a puppet like Mendigo? Probably not, not unless there was some kind of wood that wanted to become a limberjack. None of her books said anything about creating a little bit of intelligence, enough to answer questions and have memory. But maybe if she got good enough. Though why she’d want another when she already had Mendigo made it a moot question. It was probably impossible anyway.

“Mendigo, the things I could ask you to do and you wouldn’t,” she asked, “is that because they would be impossible for you to do?”

He nodded, and pointed at the front doorknob. Right, she had told him to open the door, and he couldn’t.

“Would you be able to tell me if Ronodin is the one really giving you orders?” Kendra tried.

More hesitation, then slow nodding.

“Has Ronodin ever given you any orders that you followed?”

More nodding. That didn’t actually tell her much. Ronodin was her secret boyfriend, if she had ever once said ‘Mendigo, do what Ronodin says,’ then the answer to this question would be yes.

“Are you currently following any of Ronodin’s orders?” she said. Vigorous no.

“Right,” Kendra said, feeling a little better. “From now on, you are not to follow anyone’s orders but my own, under any circumstance. Will you be able to follow that order?”

Here came the longest pause. Was it because she was asking him a question about the future? Maybe the enchantment didn’t allow for questions like that.

Slowly, Mendigo nodded his head. That was good.

For the rest of the morning, she settled on making a stronger version of her first amulet, temporary weakening based on intent and proximity. Maybe if she made that good enough, she wouldn’t have to permanently blind someone just to be free.

Ronodin showed up in the late afternoon, but didn’t fully enter the apartment, instead choosing to stand in the doorway.

“I see you didn’t take my suggestion,” Ronodin said, nodding at the newly carved amulet in her hand. She had taken a break to grab a snack from the kitchen, and found him there.

“Is this your way of checking in on me without having to let me out?” Kendra asked, rolling her eyes.

“Well, I ran into a snag when arranging your fake death,” Ronodin explained, “A quick video of you telling the person to help me will fix all my problems. I need to go back out again right away —”

Kendra sighed, “You can come in Ronodin, Mendigo won’t stop you from leaving.” Because it felt like the properly dramatic thing to do, she leaned against the hallway wall and slid down until she was sitting. It took a small adjustment, but her current red dress was stretchy, and she managed to do it modestly.

Ronodin came and slid down beside her, and the door swung shut.

“I’m sorry for acting like a brat,” Kendra said. “it’s not fair, and there’s no excuse, but it’s just so frustrating being locked up like this.”

Ronodin smiled, “Believe me, I know more than you can guess at what that’s like. Think you’re ready to hear why my family hates me?”

Kendra nodded, sitting up straighter.

“Forever ago, I started to question why the Fairy Queen was the ultimate authority on what was good and what was bad in the world. There were five other thrones, and they all play important roles in keeping the world functioning, and they all had different ideas of what was good and right than the Fairy Queen. But mortal wizards sided with her, as did human adventurers, and every kind of mortal agreed: the Fairy kingdom is the brightest light, and we should all strive to their ideals.

“Never mind the naiads and great fairies who kill because mortality is funny. Never mind the imps and the abandoned nipsies. Never mind the philosophies of balance that demand that destruction is just as important as creation to the continuation of the world. Never mind the strength of not picking a side and acting according to your own will and conscious. It sickened me to be part of such an oppressive kingdom that claims the moral right in everything.”

Ronodin drifted into a memory. “What did you do?” Kendra asked, bringing him back.

“I corrupted my horns,” Ronodin said simply, “It took a bit of time and a lot of favors, but I was able to break myself from the Fairy Kingdom. The Queen doesn’t command me anymore. I owe allegiance only to myself, and that’s how I want it to be. Some of those favors contributed to people getting hurt, but I can’t regret it. When I saw you going through something similar, I knew I had to talk to you. And now, here we are.”

“Here we are,” Kendra echoed. Sitting in the depths of some underground labyrinth, fighting over prison keys and the greater good, Kendra with no memory of who she was, and Ronodin fighting the same battles he’s fought his entire life over freedom.

Kendra leaned over and touched Ronodin of her own volition. Nothing romantic, not really, just her head resting on his shoulder. A silent show of support.

She sat up after just a minute, because she liked sincere Ronodin much better than flirty or angry Ronodin. (Flabberghasted Ronodin still held top spot).

“Let’s get that video for you,” Kendra said, then paused. “Wait, no one is going to get hurt when faking my death, right?”

Ronodin shook his head and took out his cell phone, “I promise, no humans are going to be harmed in the faking of your death. I just need some help creating a believable fake body.”

Kendra gave a little smile, “Doesn’t it ruin my fake death if someone knows about it and is helping you set it up?”

“Be very vague,” he advised, “The vaguer the better, so that when we do fake your death, even they will be convinced.”

“Okay then, what should I say?” she asked. “Am I talking to someone specific?”

Ronodin pointed the phone camera at her, “No, I’ll probably need to use it on a couple of people. Just tell the viewer to help me. Don’t mention my name directly, if you can help it. The less they know about who you’re with, the safer you’ll be. Ready…three, two one.”

"Oh, um, hi,” Kendra waved at the camera sheepishly, “I’m not sure who is going to have see this, but this guy is actually helping me. If you could lend him a hand, that would be great and I could get out of here much faster. Thank you!”

Ronodin then changed the view of the camera so that they were both in the picture, and gave a little wave. “Anything for Kendra.” He placed a quick kiss on her cheek and caught the start of her blush before he stopped recording.

“There, that should be convincing enough,” he said, pocketing his phone.

“I assure you, that kiss was unnecessary,” she said, folding her arms, still red.

He grinned back, “And I assure you, my caterpillar, that it was completely necessary. Another one for the road?”

Kendra stood up rather than let him take another kiss. They had had a good moment, she wasn’t going to let him ruin it. He stood up as well.

“I’ll probably arrive back while you’re asleep,” he said. “Can I see how you’re doing with that amulet? You chose another weakening one?”

“I’m not ready to permanently blind my misguided family,” Kendra said, handing over the amulet.

Ronodin nodded, “Well, you’re progressing. A lot more magic took in this one than your first try. It’s well on the way to making fatigue hit anyone who lays a hand on you.”

Kendra frowned, “I was going for proximity, still not enough focus?”

Ronodin nodded, “The applied magic isn’t strong enough, nor is the craftsmanship. You accidentally cut all the way through one broken link, making one of your four chains whole, and you really oversanded the top. Don’t worry, we’ll work on it some more when I get back. This is a skill like any other, it’s going to take time. You’ll get better at this, I promise.”

Kendra nodded, sighing over the flaws he pointed out. “Is ‘have fun’ the wrong response for the task of faking my death?”

“Oh,” he said grinning, “After the stunts you pulled, I’ll be having lots of fun. Don’t go crazy.”

“You’ll be the first to know if I do.”

Mendigo stepped out of the shadow of the doorway as Ronodin approached, “It’s fine Mendigo. Ronodin can come and go as he pleases.” Kendra said.

Mendigo stepped back and Ronodin stepped past and closed the door without a backward glance.

Knowing she lost the fight, Kendra returned to the craft room. She took that feeling, and turned it into the desire to weaken those that would make her lose with every paint brush stroke.

The second medallion was certainly more than just wood and paint when Kendra was done with it. It felt…expectant. Waiting to fulfill its purpose. A spiked trap, waiting to fall. It was kind of exhilarating, knowing what she had created had force and abilities beyond her.

Kendra had wielded magic.

Kendra looked back over the amulet that Ronodin has suggested she make, then ran to one of the books she had referenced that morning about how to build in a command. A dual check, the person had to want to harm her, and she had to want to curse them. She could make that curse.

All it needed was a second circular border with a notch, and Kendra would have to hold it and intend to activate it before it would blind someone. The pattern was more complex than what she had attempted before, but after all her reading, she felt ready. She switched to a block of wood called stiltseia, because the description indicated that it’s flowers alternatively flashed darkness or bright light each time the flowers bloomed. It felt right for this project.

Kendra worked though lunch, snacking on the bread and cheese that populated their kitchen. This time she made sure that if her carving tool was touching wood, she had her magic gathered and turned towards blinding enemies. The emotions feeding this purpose were vengeance, ambition, and desire to lash out. She didn’t have strong vengeance on her own, but Lady Kuychia wrote the book on vengeance, and Kendra had read it. Towards the end of Lady Kuychia’s life, when her husband found out about her shadow charmer abilities, he accused her of being pure evil, stole their children, and put a ‘kill the witch’ order throughout the entire countryside surrounding them. Vicariously, Lady Kuychia’s burning vengeance took shape in the amulet, to permanently blind those that would harm her.

Lady Kuychia had never gotten vengeance herself, if the handwritten note in the back indicating that the conquistadors pillaging the area around her village had hung her, after she kept putting out the fires meant to burn her. They caught her when she had sacrificed herself in a distraction to give her children a chance to run away from the Portuguese raid. Her husband had spat at her on his way out with their children. The children were captured and killed the day after their mother had died by hanging. Those emotions fueled the carving.

Except the outer notched circle. Following instructions, she focused on her need for control. The battle to control her negative emotions took place outside her body for the first time, as she ordered the power of the amulet into the circle, and into where she said they should stay. There were two different types of magic under her hands, the negative emotions of the amulet and the unyielding neutral control being pushed through her tool. Building a wall around the fire pit.

Kendra added a coat of paint right away, it didn’t feel bound tightly enough without it. This time she selected a dark purple paint, phantom tears and harpy blood. She was going by instinct, but tears also came from the eyes, and harpies seemed like the kind of creature more than happy to take out your eye for taking their blood.

It came out a color so deep, it was almost black, but the purple seemed to highlight around the cuts of her design. She hung it on a hook over the fire, next to the one she had made that morning. Three amulets down. No way to safely test them.

Crafting two amulets was exhausting enough that she wanted to take a nap. First, she had to clean up the mess she had made in the library.

Unfortunately, she had to guess at the places she had taken the books from. She had a vague idea of the organization: magic books left of the fire, histories and biographies on the right, and close to the door were the reference books, but without being able to read all the languages, she was mostly guessing.

Kendra scooted a space a little wider to make room for where she thought a book was supposed to go, and a yellowed piece of paper fell from between the spines. Kendra put the book away and picked up the paper.

To the current occupant,

You’re probably like me, someone whose abilities can only be used voluntarily, so they are keeping you locked up here until they can convince you to do what they want. I have no hope for rescue, and I refuse to do what they ask. I expect to die here, but I have hidden notes written in Silvian, and hidden them around the library to pass the time. If there is nothing else to my life, maybe these notes will make the duration easier for the next occupant.

So far I have discovered a single secret tunnel going out of here. Twist the head of the goblin statue and the wall will become permeable. I won’t survive outside this room, but maybe a prisoner better suited for this environment could use it to their advantage.

Peace,

Maykrill of Anksonling

Not what she expected to find, but she was wide awake now. It took a little bit of digging, but the goblin statue was directly diagonal behind her favorite reading chair. What kind of prison cell has a tunnel in it?

The tunnel probably didn’t lead outside, there was no way she was that lucky, but ‘anywhere else’ still ranked pretty high on the places she wanted to be.

The statue was a little taller than her palm, and currently being used as a bookend. The goblin made an icky sound when she twisted the head, like she was killing a living thing, and the small stretch of wall between bookcases became hazy. More gas than solid, and while she had to turn sideways to fit, she made it through just fine.

Unfortunately, she could barely see in front of her face. With how good she’s gotten at hiding her light, there was practically nothing. Should she un-dim herself? It would let things know where she was when she probably didn’t want them to, but she was probably already glowing a little anyway.

Kendra reached out and touched a wall, which immediately lit torches filled with the same blue fire that haunted her own apartment. Hiding wasn’t an option. Should she go back? But what was she waiting for? Ronodin wouldn’t be back for a couple of hours yet, it was mid-afternoon. She might not get a better chance to figure out more about where she was.

If someone asked her what she was doing, she would just head back. And she’d stay out of the dragon invested grotto. A quick check showed that the wall was completely permeable from this side, meaning she wasn’t going to be locked out. Unless the twisted head operated on a timer. But she wouldn’t be able to test that theory without it being too late to do anything about it. Her best bet would be to make the most of this current foray, but if she didn’t leave for long periods of time and she didn’t get locked out, she might be able to keep this secret until they were cleared to leave this place. She grabbed her second amulet on her way towards the tunnel.

So much for Ronodin winning their battle of wills. Ha.

Kendra crept along the corridor, her bare feet quiet along the ground. It sloped downward, and she thought there was a very subtle switchback before it opened another fuzzy wall. Fuzzy on her side, hopefully solid on the opposite side. Stepping closer, she tried to get a good view of the room before she set foot.

The room seemed large, enormous even. It was dimly lit with sporadic torches, the stone darker than in her hallway. A neutral jean blue darkened into marbled navy, made to look even colder by blue flame. Kendra glanced down at her bare feet, and really hoped the ruby necklace actually warmed her up and didn’t just shut off her perception of cold.

There were large structures scattered about the room, and Kendra narrowed her eyes, trying to figure out the nearest one through the wall.

“I know your mother taught you better manners than to skulk when you know people can sense you, Ronodin. Please do leave me be, I’m not telling you anything else, and this constant taunting is rather irritating, even for you.”

Her eyes adjusted as the boy spoke. Because he was a boy, and based on his voice, couldn’t be much older than her, probably Ronodin’s age. She could catch the outline of bars, bent in around a circle, like a bird cage. Almost appropriate, given that this boy’s voice was the most melodic she had ever heard. Beautiful as Ronodin’s, but in a different way. Clearer, somehow.

“Fine, I will simply annoy you in return. I don’t think High Sylvian has ever graced these halls, join in if you remember the words:

Follow the wind,

The one that blows of honey and rose

A caress, a brush, steady and slow

Follow the wind to Asamelle

Trail the stream,

Of cerulean and lily pads green

It bubbles laughter and splashes song

Trail the stream to Asamelle

Chase the light,

It hovers and flickers at the edge of sight

Whiter than ever beheld, brighter than ever-ever lived,”

The boy’s voice cracked here, and the imperfection in the perfect song made her throat grow tight. When he started singing again, it was just a little more raw, and Kendra had to cover her mouth.

“Chase the light to Asamelle

Chase the light home.

You followed the wind, and trailed the stream,

chased the light, found the dream,

Home, to Asamelle.

Moonlight blossoms, viridian forest,

Wave to the naiad, dance to the Djini lyre

Unicorns race and run through the mire

You have come home to Asamelle

Beneath the tiger sky, follow softly,

Pass tree-grown houses, and beds of petals new

The final rise gives way to Heartsworn

The crowning jewel of Asamelle

There’s so much light, it’s too bright,

Push forward; the sun was brought to house,

The virtuous beings of Asamelle

An orchestra of birds, winds, and strings

Elf and Phoenix dance with the grace of falling leaves,

Step forward, part of the dance, the moment, the chance

Asamelle sings you home.”

A tear slid down her cheek. An honest tear, her payment for the song. It was so full of love and longing; it would have been a sin to not be affected.

“Hang on, Ronodin would never have listened to me sing that,” the boy said, “Who are you?”

Kendra fled back to the library. She banged her hip on her way through the secret passage, and curled up in her armchair.

Her heart was thumping, pounding, her face hot. What was wrong with her? She just…all she needed was a moment to calm down and collect herself. That prisoner revealed a lot, she just needed some space and time from his voice to be able to process it.

The prisoner was so sad. How could anyone keep him jailed away like that? Was Asamelle his home? Why did he ever leave? It sounded beautiful, in a way that looks fragile but is more solid than anything else. A sculpture that appears to be made of glass, but is actually of ice or diamond.

And the part she didn’t want to think about: Ronodin is his jailor. He seemed to know Ronodin quite well, well enough think he could tick Ronodin off. And considering Ronodin’s relationship with his home, that song probably would. The boy thought she was Ronodin, there to question him some more. What could Ronodin want with him? How many more of her schemes would Ronodin tolerate until Kendra was in a cage next to the boy?

If she was trapped down there, would he sing for her if she asked?

No. The goal was to get out to the sunlight, not end up another bird in a cage, one much more unpleasant than her current residence. Why was he in a cage? Ronodin was all about freedom, and making sure people had the space to make their choices. He seemed to hate that Kendra was in a cage, Ronodin wouldn’t imprison someone else without reason.

Things weren’t adding up. Should she wait to confront Ronodin about it? Should she go talk to the trapped boy? Kendra thought she could make another trip before Ronodin came back tonight. Who would be more likely to lie? The boy or Ronodin?

Kendra needed facts. Evidence. Mendigo was under her full control. She had a brother named Seth. She chose to give up her memory. Ronodin loved her. She was fairykind and could use magic to make enchanted objects and see in the dark. Everything else she knew came from Ronodin’s story.

Kendra wanted to talk to the boy. And when Ronodin came back, she didn’t know when he’d leave again. This could be her only chance.

The goblin’s head was back to normal, and she broke the neck again. Kendra also took her second amulet, to weaken those who would harm her, not the blinding one. If the boy had the intention of harming her while she was down there, her curse would strike. Possibly. Not that he could do much from inside a birdcage.

The hallway had darkened, but lit once again as she touched the wall. Surer than the first time, Kendra hurried down the secret tunnel to the half-there wall. Once again, Kendra stopped.

“I know you’re there,” the boy called, much softer this time.

Gathering her courage, Kendra passed through the wall, halfway. She spotted an identical goblin statue, this time part of the brace holding up a torch, and went through all the way.

She walked forward, and a light sprung from inside the cage, small and dim, it illuminated the boy.

He was handsome. Unbelievably handsome. Kendra couldn’t remember seeing the cover of a magazine, and only knew that they depicted pretty people. She felt like she wouldn’t ever need to see a magazine; the boy in front of her screamed that kind of impossible perfection. White hair, blue eyes, unblemished pale skin, cupid’s bow lips that had fallen open at the sight of her.

Too late she remembered that she was currently wearing the stretchy red dress, a ruby medallion, a white cursed amulet (luckily that eyesore was tucked under her neckline), and her hideous orange cardigan. Her hair had been brushed and tied back before she started crafting, and she certainly wasn’t wearing the makeup in her bathroom. She felt a thousand times grungier than she had before.

The boy’s face changed, hardening, and he turned to speak to the general space around them, “Nice try Ronodin. I’m not going to lie and say I expected you to send a fake Kendra,” she jumped when he said her name, “but she really needs some work. This one barely glows, much less radiates like the sun. I’m honestly more surprised you let through such a bad copy.”

“Oh, um, Ronodin didn’t send me, I’m kind of here without him knowing, so I’d appreciate it if we could keep this a secret,” Kendra said nervously, tugging at her cardigan, hoping to turn it into something less ridiculous. “And I can shine brighter, but it seems to bother people, so I dim it.”

The boy raised his eyebrows in disbelief, “Kendra could never be dim.”

She unclenched the mental fist halfway, removing part of the block on her light, and immediately things became easier to see. One of the nearby cages started grumbling, so she dimmed it again.

He stared at her, and Kendra blushed and shifted under his gaze.

“Um…, I came to ask you some things,” Kendra tried, eyes drawn to the floor. This was not how she expected this to go. “But mostly, I really liked your song. Is Asamelle your home?” That was not what Kendra meant to ask him about, and blushed. Hopefully he couldn’t see in the dim light the way she could.

“Asamelle was the capital city of the old Fairy Realm,” he said, with disbelief. “Kendra, look at me.”

It clicked in her head, “Oh, you know me, don’t you?” she said, doing as he asked and looking at him. “I’m sorry, but I’m having some trouble remembering you at the moment.”

“And I’m still having trouble believing you’re the real Kendra,” he said. “Not knowing who I am isn’t doing you any favors.”

Kendra shrugged, “Don’t take it personally, I don’t know who anyone is. My oldest memory is turning a key that made me lose my memory. My brother Seth was there, and Ronodin, also an angry guy that claimed to be the King of the Dragons, and a magical dwarf. We were all fighting over a stone and my brother kind of won, I think, then I faked my own kidnapping and brought myself here. I really am sorry I don’t remember you.”

He was shaking his head slowly.

“There are so many things wrong with what you just said, but I’m still having some trouble believing you’re Kendra and not some Ronodin knock off sent here to torture me,” he said, “Do you mind letting me confirm your story?”

“How?” she asked cautiously.

He held out a hand through the bars, “It’s not bad, just touch my hand, and give me permission to see if you are telling the truth. I can’t see anything you don’t want me to, and you won’t feel a thing.”

Kendra pulled back a little. “I don’t know your name, and I don’t know who or what you are. I’m sorry, I really don’t feel comfortable doing that.” Could all unicorns do what he said? She might be in a lot more trouble with Ronodin than she thought.

“I’m Bracken,” he said, retracting his hand and backing away, “We’ve done this before, if you really are Kendra. I’m a unicorn, and the Fairy Queen herself vouched for me.” His eyes softened, looking over her again, “I’m sorry, whatever is going on, I don’t mean to frighten you. I won’t do anything you’re uncomfortable with, though it will make trusting you a little more difficult. Please don’t be afraid of me.”

Oh, he was kind. Why would Ronodin imprison someone like him? Being a unicorn the same age as Ronodin explained the comments about Ronodin’s mother and the polite dislike. The name Bracken also sounded familiar…

“Oh no,” Kendra said, covering her mouth. It all came together. Bracken was Ronodin’s cousin, the one she was engaged to while secretly seeing Ronodin.

Bracken’s eyebrows raised, “I will admit that’s the first time my name has evoked that reaction. You remember something about me around your mysterious bout of amnesias?”

Kendra wanted to run away again. No wonder Ronodin knew it wasn’t safe for her to leave yet; people from her old life were already tracking her here. Why hadn’t Ronodin told her? Of course, he didn’t tell her, she spent so much time fighting him. Was Ronodin worried she would leave, or demand to leave until she hated him? This was all wrong and not fair, and Kendra didn’t know what to do.

“I’m so sorry for what old me did to you,” Kendra said. “I don’t know why I led you on, I’m sorry.” Kendra put her hand over his, which was suddenly gripping the bars of his cage. “I give you permission to see the truth of my words.”

Bracken closed his eyes, and his forehead creased, “It’s…blank. I can sense your memories for a time, then its just gone. You gave them up, but it is your mind,” he said with disbelief. “You are really Kendra.”

Bracken frowned, “There’s something awful here, dark, but nowhere near strong enough to block your memories. Do you remember any other curses? Or maybe you have a cursed item?”

“Oh, um, I made it today, to protect myself from people who would do me harm? It’s a little new, but it might be what you’re talking about,” Kendra said, pulling out the medallion.

“You did what? Kendra, you don’t make curses. That’s dark magic,” Bracken said, clutching the bars of his cell, “Listen to me closely, whatever you do, stay away from crafting curses. How can you even do that?” Which verified Ronodin’s words. Her crafting had been a secret, he did think she was evil, as was her art. There was just one more thing to check.

“Are you familiar with Mendigo?” Kendra asked.

“Your puppet? Kendra, I feel like you’re not listening to me. Whatever Ronodin said —”

“Does Mendigo only do what I say or not?”

“Well, yes, Mendigo, as I understand it, is keyed into the commands of you and your brother, and whoever you tell him to listen to.” Bracken said. “I don’t see why that’s important. Look, Ronodin is evil, you can’t trust anything he says —”

“What about my family?” Kendra asked, “Do they really imprison dark creatures against their will?”

Bracken’s eyebrows rose, “What? In a manner of speaking they do, because nothing else would have the chance to grow and flourish if we let them out. Demons, the unbound undead, dragons, they would destroy everyone and everything if given a single chance. You helped put so many of them away. They’ve killed your friends and family. It isn’t an unjust prison sentence if that’s what Ronodin told you. They all chose darkness and destruction, or it’s their nature and life sentences over huge tracks of land to roam seem more humane than killing everyone in an effort not to die ourselves. You and your family are the best people I know. Good people. Ronodin is twisting the truth for his own ends if he says differently. You are a good person Kendra, you don’t craft curses. You don’t chose evil, you can’t. It isn’t who you are. Don’t listen to Ronodin’s lies.”

“Ronodin said the exact same thing,” Kendra said sadly, and Bracken went quiet, “Except, he knows something you don’t, something we couldn’t share with either of our families because yours hates him and mine wouldn’t understand. I’ve been enchanting magic objects for a while now. I met up with Ronodin in secret, and fell in love with him. I ordered Mendigo to kidnap me from my home so that we could be together.”

“Wha-no, no, no. That doesn’t make sense,” Bracken said, hurt crashing through those beautiful blue eyes as he drew back. “That can’t be true…I…you let me into your mind a week ago. Please believe me. You met Ronodin for the first time this past week.”

“He’s a little rough,” she defended quietly, looking away, “We’re learning our way around each other again over my memory loss. He hates that we have to stay cooped up, but he knows who I was better than anyone else.”

“That’s a lie,” Bracken insisted, “He doesn’t know anything about you. He doesn’t know that falling rain makes you think of your friend Lena. He doesn’t know that your favorite way to travel through the air is being held by the Dragon Raxtus. He doesn’t know that your cousin Warren would die for you, after seeing you die once already and being unable to stop it. Ronodin knows you less than you know yourself right now. I get that you-you might not be able to believe me right now, but find Seth, find your grandparents, they’ll be scouring the earth for you. They love you so much, and you love them more than anything in return.”

Bracken’s voice was low and sincere. His voice had cracked again, like it had during his song, his tell that the emotion was just too much. So utterly certain he was right. But Kendra didn’t know a Lena or a Raxtus or a Warren. And she couldn’t ask Ronodin about them, because then he would know she went wandering.

Why couldn’t the old Kendra have fallen in love with Bracken instead?

“Why did Ronodin imprison you?” she asked. “Was it…was it because of me? He and Seth mentioned that we were…intended.”

“Oh, um…I mean…That’s not...we’re, um,” Bracken said, flustered. He wasn’t blushing, but unicorn blood was silver, could he blush? Did he sparkle more in the light when blushing? Pooling silver instead of red? “I would have come for you, I swear, but uh, Ronodin got to me first. I’ve been here a week-ish. Hard to tell the days, the guards aren’t regular on feeding us. I’m not sure what he wants to do with me. He was helping overthrow preserves and trying to set dragons on the world to massacre humans, so I was sent to stop him, but he got the jump on me.”

Ronodin would try to negotiate better circumstances for the dragons, and starting them from a place of freedom is something he would do. Keeping Bracken for no reason? That didn’t sound like something he would do. Bracken being sent off to stop his cousin? Bracken looked fit, but she would probably bet on Ronodin in a fight.

What was the truth in all of this? Where was it? Except she knew where it was, locked away with her memories. This was the first time she felt like she needed her memories. Kendra had missed them before, but if what Bracken said was true, then Ronodin was brainwashing her. If what Ronodin said was true, she had purposefully led Bracken to believe the way he did, and she had escaped from the consequences of the harm she caused someone who seemed so honest and sincere. Why couldn’t she just know. Like a normal person.

“Would I give up my memory so my brother wouldn’t have to?” Kendra asked.

His eyes were soft, awkwardness leaving, “In a heartbeat. Seth has suffered much, often by his own folly, much because he was a child in a world too dangerous for someone with his curiosity and kindness. He has trouble knowing who to trust. You supported him, gave him strength, pulled him out of his misery, helped clean up his mistakes, but you wished you could bear some of the burden for him. If given the chance to spare him pain, to keep him from messing up without his memory and creating new guilt, Kendra Sorenson wouldn’t hesitate to give up her memories.”

His hand raised, and she noticed a piece of hair falling in her face, he hesitated just short of her, and then pulled his hand back to the bars.

“Sorenson,” she said, fixing the loose hair on her own, because she’d start crying if she didn’t speak, “Is that my name?”

Bracken nodded, smiling, “Kendra Marie Sorenson. Your first name came from a book your father loved, your middle name is the same as your maternal Grandmother’s middle name.”

“I want to believe you,” Kendra admitted. “But from the things I know for certain, you’re probably a victim of my own lies.”

“You are goodness,” Bracken said simply, “Goodness and light. Ask yourself if what you’re doing feels right, feels good. If it makes you a better person who helps people and creates good things. Don’t listen to Ronodin, don’t craft curses. If you find a moment to escape, take it. Take it and don’t look back. Head to upstate Connecticut, ask for the Sorensons. You’ll find people who can help you.” Bracken tensed, “My jailor is coming, hurry away, don’t stop.”

Kendra rushed to the goblin statue, twisted the head, and hurried back up the hall.

Back in her little apartment, she took off the amulet and held it up. It had felt good crafting it. Honest. Part of who she was before that she had reclaimed. What was true and what was false?

#Forgotten Light #Bracken #Kendra Sorenson #Brackendra #I love this chapter so much you have no idea #Thanks for being patient #The hyperfixation choses you #Fablehaven #Dragonwatch

18 notes · View notes

gender-snatched · 3 years

Note

in no particular order whatsoever, I present you some good queer media: ((very minor spoilers for some things))

- black sails! it's a series, 4 seasons, 30 something episodes total, I haven't watched it yet but someone just recommend it to me and it sounds amazing. they're pirates, it's got a lot of queer characters, characters of color, and it deals (really fucking well, from what I heard) with topics of racism, misogyny, cissexism, poverty and how all of these relate and how systems oppress marginalized people and a bunch of other stuff. there's also at least two different poly relationships (a triad and a V). also it's got legit really fucking good writing, like legit legit good.

- the penumbra podcast!! I have listened to this one and it's a fucking masterpiece. it's got two main storylines; the first one (Junoverse) is a noir detective type but it's in Mars in the future (with a non-binary he/him bisexual lady as a main character and it deals (really well) with a lot of mental health issues, mainly depression) and it turns into space pirates in the third season and I think there's only one canon cis/straight person in the whole thing everyone else is queer and the other main storyline (Second Citadel) is more classic fantasy knights and monsters with a lot of questions of morality and "what's really a monster" and a poly relationship (and scaley monsterfuckers) and honestly a lot of queer characters

- Welcome To Night Vale!! I feel like this would be right up your street, honestly. it's a podcast, it follows a radio show from this town, Night Vale, where a lot of really weird supernatural shit happens, and the radio host, Cecil telling us (the town) about what's up. it's really fun and weird, it's not scary at all if that's a concern, it's very explicitly queer (in the very first episode Cecil falls in love with a man and tells the whole town about it) and it depicts a very healthy gay couple and great character development and it's honestly really fun, you get to know a lot of the townfolk and their stories and it's great

- The Adventure Zone! it's an actual play podcast, the McElroy brothers (you may know them?) and their dad play d&d. they just finished their third campaign and are starting the 4th one this week I think. the first campaign is by far my favourite. it starts kinda rough, they're playing dnd for the first time and the story and characters are pretty weak, but by the third or fourth arc you can tell how much they've learnt in the process. the fourth arc is where the story starts picking up and by the end (there's 69 (ha) episodes divided into 8 or 9 arcs) you'll be sobbing your eyes out for the last ten episodes. it's classic dnd fantasy stuff with at least three explicitly queer relationships (one of the main characters is gay and in a relationship) and w at least one explicitly trans character. it was their first time, they tried and did fairly well tbh. the second campaign is shorter, settled in modern real life Kepler, West Virginia where basically cryptids are real and the main three kill monsters in a monster of the week type of thing. (one of the main three is bi and in a queer relationship, there's one nb they/them character). and the third campaign just finished, it's real fun too, three college students of a heroes and villains school, in a (fantasy) world where heroes and villains are like A Thing and The System sucks and the message is basically to overthrow capitalism lmao

I swear I consume more media than just podcast but rn I just can't think of any...

also not exactly queer media but:

- Phineas and Ferb, it's a classic, you probably watched it on TV as a kid (I did) but it merits a rewatch

- Gravity Falls, same thing, I'm still not over how fucking good this show is

- Steve Universe, I know things got heated up in the fandom at some point but I ignored the fuck out of everyone and enjoyed it anyways because it's good

- how to train your dragon, they're all good okay, they are, watch them again

- Big Mouth. you're like 15 right? you can watch big mouth, I highly recommend it, it's really good. it's for some queer characters but they're even the main focus of some episodes/storylines, but it doesn't even matter, the whole series is just really good.

- Megamind, it's probably better than you remember

- also, you're into star trek right? have you watched discovery? I haven't watched s3 yet but it's good

I went completely off the rails halfway through this but still, hope you check out some new thing!! (and if you do post about it, I wanna know) (also can you guess who I am? I feel like it's kinda obvious sjsksk)

- j

Thank you!!! I really like WTNV, and I've been meaning to watch/listen to those other ones! And I never actually watched Phineas and Ferb, but I've heard it's good. Gravity Falls and Steven Universe are both on my list! And I hella hyperfixated on HTTYD in sixth grade. Megamind is amazing!!!!! And I sadly can't watch Disco cuz I don't have Paramount+, but I wish I could!

And surprisingly I can't guess who you are but that's probably due to me being a dumbass who can't really tell typing styles apart

6 notes · View notes

mannatea · 3 years

Note

Hi. I used to follow your old blog on a different account. Hope you're doing well. Do you have any tips on thinking up stories that are *not* dark and depressing due to subject material? The last story I was working on I had to quit because the backstory I was developing for my passive male character was super depressing. At times I enjoyed researching it, though what won out was the thought I was wasting my time looking into angsty things for something I wasn't even planning to publish. Now I want to write something a little happier. But I have the most experience in writing angst and cringe comedy 😅 thanks for any help you can give. Stay safe out there!

By the way, good on you for dropping that manga you used to follow. I was happy most of the characters lived, but other than that, it felt "meh" to me (granted, I didn't read all the way from the beginning). The author was probably going for a "people will always be fighting each other" theme, but some of the imagery of what happened after a time skip could definitely be taken as pro-fascist. And I was disappointed the protagonist basically said he wanted to bring about destruction! I'm glad I didn't spend any money to read it.

Wow, hi! I’m doing all right, thanks for asking. I hope you’re doing all right, too. :)

As far as “that manga” goes, I’ve kept tabs on it. I’ve been on the fringes for the last two-ish years; I dedicated something like four real life years to that fandom and mostly had a good time while I was there (made some friends I hope to keep for life), so it was one of those situations where I just had to find out how it ended. I realized at some point that I was in a very negative space in the fandom, and felt it was better to publicly drop the series and the blog associated with all of my meta/discussion than to play in what had become a toxic pool for me. I didn’t really want to drop the account after my time there, but I couldn’t have dealt with the nonstop questions/messages/etc that would have piled in over the years, and eh, when you’re done you’re done. I criticize Hallmark television for fun, now, instead. It’s a lot less stressful! And literally nothing is That Deep so there’s very few delusions, at least on the Tumblr side of things. (Reddit, however, is insane, but I don’t post in the fandom there.)

As far as writing advice goes, I am going to apologize in advance for muddled thoughts. I just got out of work and have been staring at numbers all day, so it’s hard for me to think lmaoo.

In my opinion, any sort of character or personality type/flaw/whatever could have developed via a negative OR positive influence/catalyst, so that’s something to consider. I also think people tend to reach for “sad” or “traumatic” pasts either as a way to cope with their own issues/pasts/whatevers, or because it’s the “easy explanation” for why a character is the way they are.

If you WANT to write things a certain way, it’s sometimes a matter of changing the lens through which you’re viewing life, the story, the characters, or character writing in general. This is never easy, especially when you find a genre you feel comfortable in, but it’s always possible. When I was in college and submitted an autobiographical piece (Rot Tooth) for a creative writing final, I received multiple comments from classmates and even the professor that my talent/skill was in writing comedy. COMEDY!!!! I don’t think anyone who has read my writing from the last decade would say that I was a comedy writer. I stopped labeling ‘fics as humor/romance so long ago I can’t even remember when it was. But boom. I had written a comedy piece.

I don’t think I can ignore that most of the comedic elements in Rot Tooth were brought about because humor is one of the ways in which I cope with things, but it was also a very conscious choice I made. I wanted people to be able to engage with the story without being grossed out, without getting bored, without feeling that it was a poor-pathetic-me story, and humor was the classiest way to do it. Here, read this long story that includes journal entries from Ye Olde Livejournal days, but it will make you laugh often enough that the depressing aspects of the story don’t weigh it down too much! It was probably the only way to make the subject matter widely palatable.

As often as I joke about characters or scenes or moments that “just write themselves” the author does have control. I mostly write fanfiction, so let’s go with examples from that.

I’m (very slowly) working on a ‘fic called Three Years which features a character who, when last seen, was headed off to serve a prison sentence. They haven’t been on the show for three years and thus I assume they have been serving that sentence for the last three years. The story starts when this character is released from prison. They are a woman. This is a historical piece of fiction. Prisons were vile to women and yet...this is fiction. I have a choice. I get to choose. Does she get to start her life off carrying 25 bags of trauma or just 2? It would be unreasonable to expect that someone, especially a woman, who was imprisoned for 3 years in the early 1900s wouldn’t have some issues (at the very least, the isolation would have been awful), but it doesn’t really have to be much worse than that. It doesn’t.

I have the power to choose.

A character has anger issues. Sure, he could have had a traumatic past with an abusive parent who took his anger out on him or his mom or whatever...or maybe it is an inherited personality trait and the parent figure with the problem was never really That Bad about it, but seeing it normalized makes it harder for the character in question to realize it’s a huge problem and part of their character arc is realizing they need to get help, not because they don’t want to be like their dad, and not because they hate their dad, but because they just want to be a better person/they don’t want to let that struggle consume them.

Someone’s sweetheart goes off to war. Guess what? They don’t have to die there to force a traumatic past. They don’t have to come back a raging alcoholic either. Maybe the time apart, and the time fighting a war just puts a natural sort of crack in the relationship by making it clearer to each character what they want in life/what matters to them in their life.

A character is super passionate about their work/hobby. Maybe they have ADHD and it’s a hyperfixation. Maybe they’re autistic and it’s a Special Interest. It doesn’t have to be “their parents ignored them and forced them to be alone all the time and they used this thing to cope so it means everything to them because it’s always been there.”

Maybe you have a character whose greatest fear is losing the people they love. It doesn’t have to be because a pet died in their arms when they were four and it traumatized them. It doesn’t have to be because they only have one person they love in the whole world. It can just be a thing because that’s a valid fear literally anyone can reasonably have, and maybe it’s a bigger deal because they don’t have siblings or aren’t close to many people! (And the “aren’t close to many people” thing doesn’t have to stem from trauma, either. Most busy adults for example who get to choose their friends, are just like that.)

A perfectionist might just have the personality type; it doesn’t mean their parents criticized everything they ever did. A person with three failed marriages might hesitate to fall in love and try again but it doesn’t have to be because those three failed marriages were abusive. A quiet character may just be shy or introverted by nature.

I think everyone carries some kind of trauma with them, so it’s never unreasonable to have some in a person’s past (you can’t write an ugly character without having to think about the fact that they carry some trauma from what it’s like to grow up ugly), but it doesn’t have to define them. It doesn’t have to overshadow everything else in their past.

You can always ask yourself, “Why am I reaching for angst every time I create a backstory?” Literally everyone has some kind of angst. Most kids were hurt by things said to them in school, for example, or made fun of for some reason. Most people did something extremely embarrassing as a kid and never got over it. There are a thousand little moments in our adult lives that go back to these little points—you might call them the tiny traumas. But they’re not defining. They’re not so heavy they also live in the present. Not all of them.

Why do you reach for the darkest corner? Why not for the light? Or a middle ground?

I encourage people to write basically whatever floats their boat, but it sounds like you’re at a point where you just feel weighed down by that sort of stuff, and that’s not a great way to feel, especially when it discourages you from working on a project entirely.

My final suggestion: look at some of your favorite characters from various types of media. Are they all traumatized? What are their defining characteristics? Black Beauty has some depressing stuff in it, but is ultimately a story with a happy ending. Pride and Prejudice has drama, but nobody’s past is filled with the darkest stuff imaginable. North and South has awful things to consider in it (cotton mills were sooo awful) but the characters are not wildly traumatized people.

What kind of story are you trying to tell? Do the characters need to be traumatized to tell it? Does the story have to be dark to get across the message you want to send?

Way back in the day, when I was into “that manga” I made an RP blog for a one-off character that nobody gave a damn about. Like, he was so one-off that even back in those days nobody even remembered him having existed. It was sort of a joke RP blog that wasn’t supposed to be serious. The only canon information we had about this character was that he enjoyed drinking. I decided to make him a lighthearted character because the series was pretty dark and I wanted to send people hilarious starters instead of wading through the muck of depression with everyone else’s sad, abused characters. I decided his family was old money and he had a brother. Nothing super traumatizing in his past. Some family issues but not the sort of thing that would haunt anyone. He was not traumatized in his recent past any more than other characters were. Mostly just “a regular guy.” I really loved RPing him. He was fun! The story could get heavy but he didn’t have to be.

Anyway, dive head-first into the dark angst if you want, but if it’s not necessary to tell the story you want to tell, just remember you don’t have to go there. You have the choice.

#long post #thoughts about writing #nacrene-archaeologist #answered mail

3 notes · View notes