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444ajax · 1 year

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beg for it

– miguel o'hara x male reader.

cw; dom!miguel, sub male!reader, miguel is mean in this, a little non-con but you (the reader) is into it, rough sex, impact play, praise, degradation, breeding kink, a little surprise at the end, miguel speaks spanish in this (i google translated it so if it's not good, sorry). also, this is 4k words and no, i won't do the "MDNI" because y'all ignore it anyway.

It seemed like you were just rubbing it in his face that he couldn't catch you, no matter how hard he tried. Sure, there were times where he almost caught you, but you slipped out of his grasp before he could finally put a stop to this.

Until one day, Miguel did catch you.

And he wasn't nice about it.

+++

You were swinging through rooftops, easily dodging Miguel, laughing underneath your mask. The chase was so fun and enthralling that adrenaline began to pump through your veins, kindling a fire to brew and burst through the crevices of your chest and —

And then your foot slips, causing you to lose balance as you stumbled off the rooftop and landed on the dumpster, back erupting in agony as you gasped.

Fuck, you couldn't help but think as you rolled off the dumpster and landed on your side, air rushing out of your chest as you once again gasped. You laid there for a few seconds, breathing — no — gulping in air desperately. Then, you hear feet smack on the ground by the end of the alleyway and you freeze.

You almost forgot about Miguel because of the white-hot flashes of agony coursing through your body, nails digging into the filthy ground as you forced your gaze up and there he was, standing menacingly.

You could make out his broad chest, his wide shoulders, his tiny waist, and how his fists were curled up.

In other circumstances, you would find him drop-dead gorgeous, stunning, beautiful. Miguel isn't gross, or ugly, or any negative symptom.

But at this moment, you aren’t thinking about his beauty or his fat voluptuous ass, or his deep voice, or—

Goddamn, stop being down bad! And so you focus on the fact that you're absolutely screwed as you turned around and tried to crawl — your muscles burning and aching as you did so, panting.

”Fuck, fuck, fuck—” Your words are cut off as you heard Miguel’s callous, harsh laughter.

You could hear him approaching — footsteps slow, but loud enough to ring in the otherwise empty alleyway.

“My, my, what do we have here?” Miguel rasped, chuckling to himself; it's muffled because of his mask and you tried to crawl more, but your muscles were screaming. “And here, I thought I could never catch you, after all this time.”

You grunted, hearing Miguel’s footsteps stop before the heel of his foot digs into the lower end of your back, a quiet gasp escaping your lips.

“And now?” He presses harder on your back, making you groan, “I have you here. Alone. Maybe injured.”

You can't help but shake your head, attempting to crane it upward so your gaze can meet his own; a throbbing sensation in your head forces it back down, squeezing your eyes shut.

“I–I’m not alone—”

Miguel laughs again, digging his heel harder. “Stop the lies,” he hissed. Then, he removes his foot and you decide that it's either definitely getting locked up or trying to salvage what you can of yourself.

You begin to lift yourself up on your elbows, arms trembling as you try to use one of your web shooters to yank a broken chair down the alleyway, but Miguel is faster.

He immediately drops to sit on your fucking backside, pressing down, down, down, until you're forced on the ground again; his hand had encircled around your wrist and he slams it down, uncaring and unkind as you grimced in pain.

“Fuck!” You cried out in pain, trying to wriggle from beneath the man, but he quickly used his other hand to grip the base of your neck and slam it down onto the cement; pain explodes in your skull, affliction rushing through your blood and you weep.

“Stop fucking moving,” Miguel growled in your ear, and you do, chest wheezing with bated breaths. Everything fucking hurts and you let yourself become limp for a moment; the presence of Miguel doesn't leave. In fact, he leans away for a moment before he’s leaning over you again, minty breath fanning over the shell of your ear.

A shudder ripples through your frame and you have to hold yourself back from whimpering, feeling Miguel's hand tangle in your dark tresses as he grips them, yanking your head back.

“You’re trapped, you little shit, I have all of my crew on speed dial.” Miguel says, warning in his voice.

You squeezed your eyes shut, swallowing. Warmth pools in your stomach and you're trying, desperately, to fight against it.

Not now, you think to yourself as you could feel Miguel’s talons scraping and digging into your scalp, causing beads of crimson to drip down the slope of your temple.

And sure, like any other person, they would have cried in pain because it hurts, but you? No. You liked it.

“Fuck, I—” Your voice is breathy, quiet. You can feel yourself slowly getting hard in the suit; it constricts around your cock and you squirm, holding in the moan at the contact. “It wasn't — I was just…messing with you.”

Miguel is quiet for a moment, his breath harsh before he snarls out, “Just messing with me? You kept ruining the multiverse, and we had to clean up your damn mess! Eres estúpido,” He finished in Spanish and wow.

You swallow again, trying to clear the lumpiness and tightness in it as you whispered, “I…It wasn't like that …I just—”

Miguel slams your head back on the concert and hisses, “Save it! I don't want to hear your fucking excuses, maldito mocoso.”

His tone is harsh, yet there's a hint of huskiness and rasp in it that makes your back bow, just a little. Of course, nothing goes unnoticed with Miguel, and he grabs your neck; his talons barely missing the fabric of your suit.

“You think I haven't noticed?”

You freeze, nails digging into the dirty ground, trying to control the storm brewing. “Noticed…what?” Your reply is quiet, but Miguel is in your space, in your face, his breath fanning over your ear and over the side of your face; your mask had slipped a little to expose these features, and you were terrified that he would know who you were.

“The fact that you're enjoying this,” he breathily says, warm lips brushing along your ear. “You like this, huh? Does it turn you on when men like me chase you?”

You don't know what to say. He isn't wrong, the evidence in your suit that is too damn tight, a bead of precum dribbling from the tip of your shaft.

And — when Miguel pressed his hips against the curve of your ass — you could feel him and fuck, he’s big.

“S’fine, I—” Miguel huffs, before pushing some of your mask up a little more, making you try to claw at his arm and he quickly pins that.

“Don't you fucking dare,” Miguel growled, before he forcefully twisted your head to the side as he hungrily pressed his lips against yours; it's rough, unkind, as he devours your trembling whines. He swallows them as Miguel wrapped an arm around your neck, fingers caressing over your jaw, squeezing it until you mewl.

He pulls back, inhaling sharply as spit connects your lips before he leaned in again, kissing you once more.

This time, he's a little more gentle, swiping at your bottom lip and you open your mouth, letting him inside.

Your tongues brush against each other and you moan, swirling yours along his and he groans, scraping his talons along your cheek.

“Fuck,” he whispered against your lips, pulling away as he pressed more kisses along the curve of your cheek, then your jaw, until he huffs and pulls back. “Fuckin’ look at you, cariño, you're a mess.“ He thumbs at your swollen lips and you can't help but whimper.

Your eyes are blown wide and your face is flushed, body warm and hot and needy as your hips bucked against the ground; Miguel easily noticed and pushed your head back down, making sure to sit back on your legs for a moment as you writhed.

“What are you…what are you going to do?” You asked, voice quiet; hints of nervousness slips into your tone and you wonder, briefly, if Miguel can notice.

When he replies, he either hasn't noticed, or doesn't care enough to comment. Both seem suitable. “Use your brain, what do you think I’m going to do?”

You hear his talons rip down your suit and you gasp, trying to crawl away; you knew what was to come and you wanted no part of it.

“No, no, stop—” You cried but Miguel held you down, pinning both of your wrists and squeezing them so hard until you sob, face buried into the ground.

Yet, your cock twitches, more precum leaking and your suit is stained; Miguel is an asshole, a menace, but he makes your body so hot that it feels like it could boil over.

You want this.

It seems like Miguel has read your mind because he leans down and whispers, “Don't fucking pretend you hate this. Remember, you got hard first.”

He's not wrong.

“Miguel, I—” You gulp, accidentally brushing your ass against his clothed cock and moaning.

He leans back his hips and tsks. “If you want it, you gotta beg for it, pretty boy.”

Pretty boy. Pretty boy. Pretty—

Miguel just said you're pretty and your brain is melting, so you're nodding, words almost slurring as you whispered;

“Please.”

He doesn't shift for a moment before a shallow “fuck” escapes his lips and you can hear movement, a zipper sound, then something is rubbing along your ass and you know it's his cock.

“Can't wait until I’m filling up this ass of yours, what do you think, hm? I know you can take me. Boys like you will do anything to be fucked. Isn't that right, querido?”

You nod, moaning as he ripped more of your suit until your ass was exposed; Miguel easily maneuvers you until you were onto your hands and knees, a groan escaping your mouth as your cock hung between your thighs.

God, you were so hard, that it physically pained you.

Miguel's large hands roamed over the dip and curves of your supple ass, before squeezing it and giving a nice, rough smack; the flesh jiggles you and you groan, arching your back deeper.

“Mhm, good boy, just like that — keep that back arched,” Miguel muttered as he spread your cheeks and leaned forward, blowing warm air over your hole.

A whine escaped your lips as you wiggled your hips, desperate. “Please, Miguel, need it—”

“Is that so, slut? You think you deserve this? My tongue, lapping over your hole, hand wrapped around that pathetic cock of yours that just keeps fucking leaking,” Miguel growled out the last part as his large hand engulfs the base of your dick and squeezes tightly, forcing a muffled cry from your lips.

You were trembling, toes curling as you nodded, breaths ragged. “Please, please, need it—ngh—so badly,” you begged, nails clawing at the ground as Miguel stroked from base to tip, tightening his palm around the head as he stroked over the glans; sensitivity flowing through your veins as tears sprung to your tears.

Miguel curses, “Suenas hermoso — necesito hacerte sentir bien,” and then Miguel dives forward to push his warm tongue along the curve of your hole before flicking it, making you moan as you sink your head down onto the ground. Pleasure wracks up and down your spine, thighs trembling.

You peek one eye open as you watch Miguel wrap his hand around his cock and squeeze the base, grunting into your hole; he pulls back and spits on it before slurping, relaxing you enough so he can ease his tongue inside, making a surprised groan leave your mouth.

“Oh, god, please–” You whined, back arching deeper, trying to get a hand around your dick to release some pressure but Miguel is quicker, slapping it away.

He pulls back, making sure to collect the precum that has been leaking on his palm to smear it over your asshole, before easing one finger in; it's easy and you relax, grunting. His fingers are thick as he pushes past the tight ring of muscle, groaning himself.

“Just like that, babyboy,” Miguel’s voice is encouraging and you shudder, letting yourself relax more as he pushes all the way knuckle deep. A gasp leaves your lips and you squirm, uncomfortableness stretching across the pane and curve of your frame.

Miguel wraps his other hand around your cock, tugging on it. It's clear he’s trying to distract you. “I know you can take it, like I said.”

You pant, but nod anyway. “I—I can,” you stumble over your words and feel sweat roll down your temple.

“That’s right.”

You think about his talons and shift, “You haven't scratched me with your talons, at least, in my ass.”

Miguel thrusts another finger inside, making you grimace. Wrong thing to say, then?

“Sounds like you're asking me to do it.” He says it like a statement, not a question, and you shake your head quickly before opening your mouth; no words of such slip out, instead, a moan falls from it as he scissors you open easily.

He keeps stroking you, making you pant and moan in bliss. Miguel then proceeds to curl his fingers upward and —

“Fuck!” You cursed in the open, gasping as he hit your prostate, and you moaned wantonly. Miguel continues to press on the bundle of nerves, forcing back-to-back cries and squeals from you.

Miguel grunts, leaning over you as he eased his hand off your cock. “You sound so good, sweetheart. Like a little mutt in fucking heat, dontcha agree?”

You're nodding, but you're too deep in your pleasure to really think as you gasp, feeling him stroke over it consistently. The tightness in your balls, your stomach, in your chest slowly begins to unfurl as you claw at Miguel's forearm that rested next to your head.

“Oh, fuck, oh fuck, Miguel—ngh, hah—so close, m’so close—!” You squealed, but then he slips his fingers out, forcing your climax to settle down before it could explode. You slump down onto the floor, limbs quivering.

Miguel easily rolls you onto your back, his suit pooling around his waist and the front part tucked under his heavy balls; broad chest covered in little scars here and there, nipples hardened, waist snatched and wide shoulders hunched over as Miguel caressed over your smaller frame.

“Even though your mask is halfway up, you still look good—” You tried saying, but Miguel slaps a hand over your mouth, narrowing his eyes.

“Shut up,” and then he pulls his hand away before he lifts your legs up and settles them over his shoulders, forcing your body to slide up as one of his large hands grip your waist, the other wrapping around the base.

You look down and swallow, tongue darting out to lick your chapped lips. “I know you said, uh—”

Miguel glares at you, face scrunching in annoyance, fangs poking over his bottom lip.

“But…I don't think it’ll fit, I mean, you only prepped me a little and–”

Miguel rolls his neck as he pressed the blunt head of his cock against your wet hole, looking up; his dark, crimson eyes stare into yours as he says, “Then we’ll make it fit, you fucking slut.”

Then he pushed the head inside, slowly, but the stretch was unbearable as your back bowed and your chest was exposed; Miguel greedily touched your nipple and rolled it between his fingers, making a whine leave your lips.

“F–Fuck, Miguel,” you moaned, feeling him push his cock deeper, carving himself in and out of your hole. It felt amazing, yet it hurt so much, you knew it was gonna ache after, but in the moment? You didn't care.

He keeps pushing, panting as he wraps his hand back around your trimmed waist, squeezing it. “Fuck, you feel so good around me, so goddamn tight — might make me cum raw in you,” and then he eased more of himself into you.

You freeze, blinking as you look at him. Shit, you forgot to ask if he had a condom or not, and you know you wouldn't get pregnant but still…STDS and shit.

“Condom?” You pant, trying to push against his large chest, but he’s quick to shove you back roughly and essentially trap you so you can't move; you realize belatedly that you're in the mating press position and moan, writhing.

Miguel is all the way in and fuck it hurts yet the stretch is so good, you find your hands digging and clawing at his muscular biceps because of it. You can't tell if you want to beg for more or ask him to pull out.

“Too late for that, cariño, but it's s’fine, isn't it? Whores like you just take it like this — raw and deep so they can breed you, right?” Miguel’s voice is husky and raspy, it brings a shudder down your spine and you can't help but whimper at his words, writhing some more.

“Not—” You gasped, toes curling as you felt his hips roll forward, almost pushing you back. “Not true, Miguel, not—”

He’s shaking his head and leaning into your space, large frame pressing you down, down, down, until you whimper. “It is true, and you can't deny it. Admit it, baby, admit that you're a fucking whore.”

The thick head of his dick is pressing against your prostate and you moan, arching your back as he slowly pulls himself out, then pushes back in.

“Say it,” Miguel hissed, pushing himself out faster before ramming his hips forward, jolting you back and you have to hold onto him; your eyes are watering, cock twitching and leaking precum, it ends up smearing across the pane of your stomach as you nod.

You sob out, “Yes, yes, I’m a whore,” and moan as he grinds against your sweet spot.

“That’s it,” Miguel murmured, a wicked grin on his pretty lips. “Since you said it, I’m gonna reward you like the good little slut you are.”

Miguel begins a deep, but hard rhythmic pace as his hips and balls slap against your ass, his head near your face as he grunts in your ear; his harsh breaths fanning across your sweaty face as you cling onto him and squeal when he pulls back and forces himself back inside, each time.

“Hah—ah—yes! Miguel, please, harder—” You cry out, teeth sinking into your bottom lip as he folds you completely in half, making a gasp rip from your throat as he placed his arms next to your head and tangled his fingers with yours.

He continues to fuck you like this, making your eyes roll back as your mouth falls open; streams of unfiltered, breathy whines escape your mouth and you can barely keep your eyes open.

“Look at me,” Miguel rasped, his own voice cracking as you trembled.

Miguel buried himself to the hilt, grinding against your prostate as you sobbed, eyes flying open as you writhed.

“M–Miguel, please…” You begged hopelessly, jolting from the constant pleasure on your spot. “Keep going, need it, need you to fuck me stupid and–”

He looked at you and then boldly pushed your mask off, gazing into your watery eyes as he brushed away your locks. Fear sinks deep and low into your stomach and you quickly look away, trying — (failing) — to hide your face.

“Chico hermoso,” Miguel whispers, before using his hand to brush off his own mask, then he dips down to kiss your bruised lips. It's soft, too soft, before he rested his forehead against yours.

You feel your throat tighten. “M–Miguel?” Your voice breaks.

Then, he pulls away and settles his arms around your head once more before saying; “You wouldn't look at me like I asked.”

Miguel then keeps pounding into you, mercilessly and ruthlessly as you hold onto him, nails carving into his flesh. Your cock is trapped between both of your sweaty bodies and you wrap around him, moaning into his ear.

“Taking me so fuckin’ well like I knew you would,” Miguel groaned, thrusting into you faster. “Been wanting to do this since I laid eyes on you, muñeca.”

You rake your nails down his broad back and hear him moan, hips spluttering before he resumes; not stopping, even though your limbs are trembling as you feel your stomach begin to tighten.

The orgasm from earlier is creeping on you and your back barely arched as your head pushed back against the ground, eyes rolling back. You can feel it getting closer, rolling in the pit of your stomach, settling beneath your bones and in your cock.

“Miguel, please, please, s’close, please–!” You cried, holding him closer as he erratically rutted into you, panting in your ear.

The rope in your stomach is loosening, forcing you to hold onto Miguel even more and you sob, “Miguel!”

He groans, pulling back to rest his forehead against yours. “You wanna cum for me, hm?”

Nodding, you claw at his back again. “M’gonna cum, fuck, I’m so close—ngh—let me cum, Miguel, please, I need it–”

Miguel huffs and tangles his fingers with yours again, removing his face from your forehead to whisper into your ear, “Beg for it, mi amor.”

Your voice pitches into desperation as your orgasm begins to unravel, “Please, please, please, Miguel I need it, I need to cum—ngh—please, I’m desperate, I’ll do anything just to cum, let me cum,” and you sob, tears rushing down your cheeks as Miguel groaned.

“Go ahead, baby, let go for me — be a good boy and cum for me,” Miguel rasps and you do, your orgasm untangling at the seams as it washes over you in waves; your heart thrumming hard as you wailed into his shoulder, body jerking and spasming from the intensity.

Ropes of cum paint both of your stomachs but Miguel doesn't even seem to care as he ruthlessly fucks into you. He’s animalistic in the way he pounds into you, unrelenting and unforgiving.

You can't even formulate a response or a moan because of how hard he’s fucking you; all you can do is hold onto him and rut your softening cock against his toned stomach, the aftershocks of your orgasm still making you spasm.

“Gonna fill you up sweetheart and breed your pretty hole — joder cariño, ya voy..” Miguel hisses, giving a few more hard thrusts before his hips stutter as he lets out a breathy moan. His talons accidentally dig into your hands and cause blood to spill because of how much he’s coming.

Both of your breathing is heavy and ragged as he slumps against you, releasing your hands as Miguel sighed, propping himself onto his elbows.

“I hurt you—”

You shrug and mumble, “S’fine. I’ve been a brat recently.”

Miguel hums before his tongue darts out to lick up the blood easily, soothing his tongue over the cuts before he pulls back, grunting. “All cleaned up.”

“It’ll heal, Mig, so it's fine,” you stressed and the man huffs, nuzzling against your cheek with a grunt.

His voice is muffled as he says, “I know, but still. We didn't plan that part out.”

“You know how much I’m a slut for pain, though, so is it really a problem?”

Miguel is quiet before he pulls himself away and gently eases his softening cock from your hole, which immediately allows his seed to spill from your asshole and you flush, cheeks in a deep shade of red.

“No need to be embarrassed, pretty boy, I did just fuck you in this alleyway, knowing anyone could see us,” Miguel brushes away your hair and gives you…a small smile? You can't tell because it's so dark, but his red irises stick out and your hand strokes along his sharp cheekbone.

“Yeah, you're right. We definitely needed this, but, uh, can we go? I’m absolutely starved.”

Miguel chuckled. “Of course, baby.”

Back at the apartment, Miguel gives you a massage, a well-deserved blowjob, and fucks you in multiple positions after you beg for it.

#miguel o'hara #male reader #i have no idea on how to tag #miguel o'hara smut #x male smut #x reader #smut #size difference #miguel x reader #mlm smut #bottom male reader #top miguel o'hara #spiderman 2099

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tobiasdrake · 27 days

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FUN FACT: Did you know that Vegeta wasn't blowing smoke on Namek when he claimed to have become a Super Saiyan?

Well. Not entirely, anyway.

And also the process of becoming a Super Saiyan is kind of complicated, and Goku is an enlightened martial arts master.

The process of becoming a Super Saiyan is complicated. The English dub got a bit confused on this point while they were frantically erasing as much spirituality and also martial arts and general power levels talk as they could from the series.

The dub was bad. I don't think that's a surprise to anyone. It was a 90's anime dub. It scrubbed the source material of a lot of stuff.

But specifically here, the dub confused matters when it said that to become a Super Saiyan, you have to be pure of heart. This confused matters, because being purehearted is a thing in Dragon Ball. You have to be purehearted to ride the Nimbus.

This concept of pureheartedness exists in Dragon Ball. But it has nothing to do with the Super Saiyan.

This isn't the same as that. To become a Super Saiyan, you need something else. Notably, the Viz manga also translates this idea as "pure of heart"....

But the idea being translated here is more along the lines of tranquility than innocent goodness.

Becoming a Super Saiyan is a bit of a process. To understand the Super Saiyan, we need to talk about limit-breaking. This is a concept that's expressed repeatedly throughout Dragon Ball. In order to become Dragon Ball Powerful, you have to break your limits. You hit a ceiling and that's as far as you can go, until you find some new way to push through and break that ceiling. The series is big on this idea.

As an example, Mr. Satan is an incredibly formidable martial artist. He is peak. Top-tier fighter. ...within human limits. But he doesn't hold a candle to Krillin because Krillin broke the human limit in childhood.

Mr. Satan is basically Panput from the 22nd Tenkaichi Budokai.

Saiyans are in a different league from humans, and they have different set limits. Different norms, different standards, and different potentials. But, like humans, there's a ceiling. The first step to becoming a Super Saiyan is breaking the Saiyan limit.

Goku, as a low-class Saiyan trained on Earth in martial arts, was able to break through the Saiyan limit during his gravity training in space. This wasn't the goal of his training, mind; Goku had a particular goal in mind. He was subjecting himself to intense gravity so that he could acclimate his body to withstanding higher levels of Kaioken.

Not even realizing that was what he was doing, Goku was the first to shatter his Saiyan boundary and take the first step to becoming a Super Saiyan.

That Goku has transcended Saiyan abilities isn't lost on either Vegeta or Captain Ginyu, both of whom peg him as a Super Saiyan... before walking it back because Goku lacks the overwhelming bloodthirst and battle hunger that characterizes the legend.

Poor Goku has no idea what any of these people are on about. He might as well be listening to Game of Thrones fans infodump about the Lannisters.

But he wasn't alone. During his fight with Jeice following his third Zenkai of the arc, Vegeta finds himself trashing Jeice. Vegeta's as surprised as Jeice is, to be honest. Even with a Zenkai, he should not be doing this well.

Vegeta's last Zenkai wasn't just a Zenkai. It pushed him through the Saiyan limit.

You see, something happens to a Saiyan as they cross that boundary. Their ki begins to swell astronomically in preparation for becoming a Super Saiyan. Both Goku and Vegeta at this point have entered a sort of proto-Super Saiyan state. Their powers are passively being inflated.

Goku, too, eventually realizes that his power is growing at an astronomical rate that cannot be explained by his training or his Zenkai boosts or any phenomenon he's aware of. He's just. Swelling with power for reasons he can't fathom.

Neither of them are Super Saiyans yet. They still need the right spark to ignite it - and, despite knowing more about the Super Saiyan legend than Goku, Vegeta has no idea what that spark is. But they're both inflating like balloons in preparation for ignition.

Vegeta brings up the proto-Super Saiyan again in his first showdown with Frieza.

He recognizes that he is not yet the Super Saiyan. But he is a proto-Super Saiyan. He still feels it, still feels his power inflating within himself. He just. Needs. That. Spark.

But he won't find it. He said it himself: He doesn't think Goku and his "soft heart" can become the Super Saiyan. The Super Saiyan is supposed to be filled with rage and battle hunger.

But breaking the Saiyan limit isn't enough. You need the spark: A tranquil heart awakened by rage.

There are two pieces to that. The first is a tranquil heart. What does that mean? It means tranquility. Stillness. Peace. Becoming one with yourself and the cosmic universe.

During his training in space, with nothing to concern himself with and no distractions, Goku found tranquility. Alone in the void of space with only his beloved art, he achieved a measure of serenity and peace that he's never known before.

When Goku steps off that ship, he's different. He's entirely focused on the task at hand. He doesn't even want to fight the Ginyus, which is a stark departure for his character. He has no interest in the joy of battle; Only in doing what he came for and going home.

Goku asks the Ginyu Force multiple times to just go away. He does not care about this. He is thoroughly disinterested in fighting.

He's not even mad. They beat up his son and his best friend, and Goku does not care. Also, he can read minds now. Because he is the Heavenly Buddha, I guess.

This is a super weird moment, but its main purpose is to demonstrate that Goku has become... something else. He's not just "Goku but stronger"; he's changed on a fundamental level.

Goku is no longer a rash, impulsive student. He has become a master of his art. Do you see that kanji on his back? Kaio presented Goku with this new dogi after he got out of the hospital... uh... somehow.

You. Uh. You gonna elaborate on where the fuck that came from, Goku? No? Okay, man. You do you.

In any case, Goku's new dogi is distinctive because it erases the sigils of both the Kame school and Kaio. Originally, he would wear the Kame sigils on both front and back to reflect his status as a student of Kame-senryu.

Even if he did only technically study Kame-senryu for less than a year. It's fine; the Muten-Roshi filled him with a lot of philosophy that's guided him over the years so it still counts.

After he trained under Kaio, the sigil on his back was replaced with Kaio's sigil, to reflect that he is Kaio's student now as much as he is the Muten-Roshi's. Though he left the Kame-senryu sigil on Goku's front, because he is a student of both.

But from the moment Goku steps off that ship, both Kaio and the Kame sigils have been replaced by this new one.

This new sigil serves two purposes. First is that it's the first kanji of Goku's name. Both of his masters are now gone from Goku's expression, replaced by Goku himself; This symbolizes that Goku has, himself, become the master. His art is now fully his own.

Goku is at the peak of his journey. There is nothing more for him to learn. It falls to him now to cultivate, develop, and evolve his art for himself, using the knowledge and mastery he's acquired. And, as we'll see in the next arc, to ultimately pass it on to the next generation to come.

But, bringing this back to the tranquil heart thing: The kanji for 'Go' also represents enlightenment. Goku has found peace with himself and his place in the cosmic universe. That is why he, and not Vegeta, is ready to have his spark ignited.

He's broken the Saiyan limit. He has a tranquil heart. All he needs now is to snap, and have his tranquil heart awakened by rage.

But Vegeta still has a ways to go. Because his heart is far from tranquil.

The best he can come up with is "I Zenkai'd into this, I can Zenkai out of it!" Vegeta is very fettered, especially in conflict with Frieza. He is not one with the cosmic universe. He is a nervous wreck of emotions and wants and distractions. He was so close, but he could never have ignited here. Not under these circumstances.

No, Vegeta would only find his tranquility after becoming stranded on Earth. (No, anime, Vegeta did not have a spare spaceship on hand to leave immediately.)

Three years, living at Capsule Corp until he moved out and got his own place. Free from the yoke of Frieza and able to pursue nothing more than his own self-improvement. Driven by a desire to surpass Goku but in a low-stress environment...

...and apparently hanging out with Bulma in his downtime.

That's where Vegeta found his tranquility. And the spark of rage that ignited his tranquil heart? His own inadequacies, of course.

Never change, Vegeta. XD

#dragon ball #dragon ball z #son goku #vegeta #super saiyans

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periwinkla · 13 days

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Phoenix's careful wording in 4-1

I noticed something about 4-1, Turnabout Trump. Phoenix uses very careful wording. He never outright lies, mostly misdirects. Like when he's asked if the locket is his, and he says the locket has his daughter's photo inside. But the most important misdirection here is about the forged card. He never shows it as actual evidence from the crime scene: if you look carefully at his words, he actually shows it as evidence of the reason why the killer would have taken the card. He's even meticulous about verb choices. In the ENG ver,, he even outright says the card is his. Everyone simply assumes. Also Apollo, unknowingly, doesn't present it as evidence from the crime scene, either. Anyway, here are some parts I found particularly incriminating. JP text beside ENG for comparison's sake. I'll only provide translation for the relevant parts (or the parts that differ between versions). But as you can see, the misdirection is there in the JP version as well. Disclaimer : I only studied Japanese for a little while. AA dialogue is pretty simple though. Also English isn't my native language either. Feel free to correct me on anything wrong here. Also note that I'm not trying to make the translations sound natural, I'm mostly trying to explain what the words are saying, sometimes I'll be more literal than others. Translation =/= localization. Translation notes and musings are in small text.

Judge いかがですかな？　弁護人。 Well, Mr. Justice? カードがスリ替えられて、持ち去られた“理由”‥‥ The question of why the killer would swap out a card has been raised. そのコンキョを提示できますか？ Can you point to a reason? Apollo (‥‥どうやら、　ここが“勝負どころ”だ！） (…It's now or never!) なぜ、カードはスリ替えられたのか‥‥。 Naze, kaado wa surikaerareta no ka... The defense would like to present evidence to the court… Naze, kaado wa surikaerareta no ka... Why the card was switched... 弁護側は、その“理由”を提示したいと思います。 Bengogawa wa, sono "riyuu" o teiji shitai to omoimasu. Evidence showing the reason why a card was swapped out! Bengogawa wa, sono "riyuu" o teiji shitai to omoimasu. The defense would like to present that "reason".

Judge これは‥‥まさか！ Could… this be…!? 現場から持ち去られた “５枚目のＡ”ですかッ！ Could this be the missing fifth ace!? Kristoph ば‥‥バカな！なぜ‥‥なぜ、キミが‥‥ In-Inconceivable! How could you… そんなものを持っているのだッ！ What are you doing with that card!? Apollo そ、それは‥‥その。（なんだ、このあわてようは‥‥） Um, well, that's the thing… (Why's Mr. Gavin so upset?) （アヤシイ女の子からもらった、　ただのアヤシイカードなのに） (Ayashii onna no ko kara moratta, tada no ayashii kaado na noni) (It's just a fishy card from some fishy girl…) (Ayashii onna no ko kara moratta, tada no ayashii kaado na noni) It's just a suspicious card given by a suspicious girl... Apollo doesn't even understand the weight of the card when he presents it. He's just doing what Phoenix is pointing him to. He thinks it's just a suspicious card, and he's only using it to provide a "reason". At first, I was confused by this, because he seemed convinced later on that the card was real. But it appears that at first, he was indeed suspicious of it. It's just as the trial goes on, he's manipulated to think the card is indeed real. Because he trusts Mr. Wright, which *seems* to say it's real. Phoenix そのカードはね。あの晩、事件の後‥‥ 《ボルハチ》で、ぼくが拾ったんだよ。 Sono kaado wa ne. Ano ban, jiken no ato... "Boruhachi" de, boku ga hirotta n da yo. Oh, that card? It's mine. That is, I picked it up at the Borscht Bowl Club that night after the murder had occurred. カードは商売道具だからね。 ‥‥ムスメにわたしておいたんだ。 Kaado wa shoubai dougu dakara ne. ...Musume ni watashite oita n da. I gave it to my daughter. Cards are her stock and trade, after all. In the ENG, 'It's mine' is actually an addition. Maybe to drive the point home more? The rest is the same though.

Phoenix じゃ、ハナシをつづけようか。 Ja, hanashi o tsuzukeyou ka. Allow me to elaborate. Ja, hanashi o tsuzukeyou ka. Well then, let's continue this discussion? (fun fact: hanashi can also be traslated as 'story', or even 'fable', you could say hanashi is the noun version of the verb hanasu (to talk, tell) so it's basically anything you 'talk' about) この“血痕”が原因だったとしたら、どうでしょう。 Kono "kekkan" ga gen'in datta to shitara, dou deshou. What if this trace of blood was the reason? Kono "kekkan" ga gen'in datta to shitara, dou deshou. (what) If this ''bloodstain'' was the cause... what do you think? The 'dou deshou' is usually also traslated as 'what do you think?' - it's used after you make a statement and you want to ask for the other person's opinion. But mostly it's a rethoric question. 'What about it?' would also fit. Also interesting how "bloodstain" is in quotation marks...

Phoenix 現場写真‥‥被害者の頭部をもう一度、よく見てください。 Take another look at the photo… and at the victim's head. 犯行の瞬間、帽子は床に落ちて、このとおり‥‥ At the moment of the crime, his hat fell to the floor… ひとすじの血が、後頭部に向かって流れています。 …and a trickle of blood ran from his forehead down the back of his head. この血が、一滴。カードに落ちた。 ‥‥そうは考えられないでしょうか。 Kono chi ga, hitoshizuku. Kaado ni ochita. ...Sou wa kangaerarenai deshou ka. Couldn't a drop of that blood have fallen on one of the cards? Kono chi ga, hitoshizuku. Kaado ni ochita. ...Sou wa kangaerarenai deshou ka. This blood, this drop. Fell on the card. ...Is that unthinkable? / ...Is that unimaginable? He's basically proposing a theory. Not said the card in Apollo's hand is actually the one. Apollo カードに、血が‥‥ Kaado ni, chi ga... I suppose… Kaado ni, chi ga... On the card, the blood (fell)... Apollo is following along with what he's saying. Phoenix ハンニンは、それをかくすためにカードを持ち去ったのです。 Hannin wa, sore o kakusu tame ni kaado o mochisatta no desu. The killer then took the card to hide the blood. Fun choice of words. 'no desu' = 'the explaination is that...' or, in this case: 'the explaination would be...' This is the more literal translation just to make it more obvious how he phrases it: The culprit, in order to hide that he took the card the explaination would be So in a way that it's actually comprehensible: The explaination would be that the culprit took the card in order to hide that (the blood).

Kristoph 成歩堂！　キミも一度は法廷に立ったオトコだ。 Wright! Regardless of how you wasted the last seven years, you used to be a lawyer! 証拠品を隠すことが、どれだけ大きな“罪”であるか‥‥ You know what a serious crime it is to conceal evidence! Phoenix そのギロンはあとだよ、先生。それよりも‥‥ Sono giron wa ato da yo, sensei. Sore yori mo... Oh, we can discuss the finer points of our legal system later… Found it funny how he calls him 'sensei' but in a way that is very mccking. 'Sensei' means someone who is masterful/very knowledgeable in something, in this context, law. He says 'Let's leave that discussion for later, sensei. More importantly...' これで、きみの疑問に答えるコトができたようだね。 Kore de, kimi no gimon ni kotaeru koto ga dekita you da ne. What's important now is that I've answered your question. Kore de, kimi no gimon ni kotaeru koto ga dekita you da ne. And with that, I was able to answer your question, wasn't I? Basically says the same thing, but uses 'dekiru' = 'to be able to' Kristoph な。なんのコトですか？ Wh-What are you talking about? Phoenix ハンニンがカードを持ち去った“理由”だよ。 Hannin ga kaado o mochisatta "riyuu" da yo. You wanted to know why the killer would have taken a card from the crime scene. Hannin ga kaado o mochisatta "riyuu" da yo. The "reason" the culprit took the card. カードに残った、１滴の血。 Kaado ni nokotta, hitoshizuku no chi. And now, I've told you. A drop of blood, it feel on the card. (That was why) 彼にとっては“致命的”だった。 ‥‥だから、持ち去った。 Kare ni totte wa "chimeiteki" datta. ...Dakara, mochisatta. That one drop of blood would have been decisive evidence, you see. Kare ni totte wa "chimeiteki" datta. ...Dakara, mochisatta. For him, that (the drop of blood) was 'fatal'. ...So, he took it.

Overall, the word choice in both JP and ENG is very careful, but in different ways since... obviously they're different languages with different idiosyncrasies. In conclusion....

Phoenix basically treated the card not as evidence from a crime scene, but more of an example, a recreation, a construction. Never said that was the actual card. Made people assume. Didn't correct them. So... he manipulated their thoughts. He's like 'oh, you want to know the reason? well, let's see, why would the killer take the card...? well maybe it had incriminating evidence on it - oh what kind of evidence? look at this card here - see this drop of blood? what if the blood fell from the victim's head on the card? so he had to take it - because it would have made it obvious the killer entered from the secret passage and how the murder actually happened' Something that breaks my heart immensly about all this is that Apollo is so adamant at the start of the trial that Mr. Wright would never lie... and he's furious and heartbroken that he basically manipulated him (and everyone else), instead. Phoenix literally couldn't lie anyway, because then Apollo would have known. If you think about it, it's kind of how Engarde was able to lie to Phoenix even though he had the magatama. He purposefully and meticulously manipulated people to think the evidence was real, without ever saying it. Putting the words in other people's mouths. (Also... at least to me, this seems a very prosecutor-like tactic. Perhaps even Von Karma-like.)

Why does he even tell Apollo that he forged it? (He didn't have to.) Because he felt guilty. Apollo asks how he can call himself an attorney and he tells him he, in fact, doesn't call himself one. Doesn't have the right to. Phoenix isn't a liar - he says so himself after the trial, he never lied - but he sure is a manipulator here. But he does feel guilty. He lets Apollo punch him. And he smiles. I think this shows how even when we believe that what we're doing is wrong, we might do it anyways. Out of desperation, anyone might cave and go against their own morals.

#ace attorney #phoenix wright #apollo justice #kristoph gavin #ace attorney apollo justice #musings #aa musings #aa localization

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braxlrose · 9 months

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can you do a bill smut where he’s fucking the reader over a table and being like rough >.<??

2010!Bill x F!reader

content warnings: rough fucking, swearing, 18+ content, reader being bent over a table, dirty thoughts, teasing, oral (m!receiving), fem!reader, edging mentioned, edging, dirty talk, ass slapping (once), face fucking, etc.

summary: the humanoid tour was getting to the both of you until you just couldn't take it anymore.

a/n: this is 2010 bill and i hope it's okay that I made reader apart of the band. this is during the Humanoid Tour. I also wrote some of the dialog in German just cause I wanted too 🤷🏻‍♀️. I put the translations next to them though!! this isn't proof read btw!

This tour was getting to be so exhausting. You loved playing up on stage, it was thrilling and exciting but there was so much movement and the heavy lights beating down on your skin made you dizzy sometimes. You and Bill barely had any time to yourselves to have some fun.

You and the band were either practicing, sleeping or playing up on stage. And that was getting to you. Your fingers hurt and your core ached even more. Every time you saw Bill move around on stage and sing you could feel yourself getting wetter and wetter by the second. The sweat trickling down his forehead and you could see everything in his tight leather body suit.

Every time bill took a breath and you could see his face contort is the most perfect way possible. You had almost screwed up some chords because you got lost staring at him. And he wasn't any help either.

Any time you had a solo, or he got to take a breath and stop singing he'd come up behind you and grip your waist. The crowd went absolutely wild because he was just so sweet. Kissing your cheek and running hands through your hair while you played. What they couldn't see is bill pressing his dick right up against your ass and grinding against you. You could feel the slick building up, making your folds so wet. He was such a tease. He tried to pretend in camera like Tom was the perverted one but bill was sneaky like that. He knew how to make his fans think differently about him, when in reality he'd be pounding your pussy until you could remember every, single, vein.

The hickies he'd leave on your body where nobody could see them. He loved doing that. Sucking harshly against your squishy thighs until you had bruises all over them. Watching you struggle to walk the next morning because he fucked you so good the night before. But oh no, you had to work for it. Bill wouldn't just give you whatever you wanted without a little bit of something for himself. It's not his fault you look so pretty, squirming down on the bed while he edges your gorgeous, little pussy.

What you'd do for just one more night like that. You two hadn't had sex in over a month because you guys were always so exhausted from touring and next had the time. But you were going to make time. You couldn't handle it any longer. You needed him, you need a release, something; anything. It wasn't fair, Tom always had girls up in his room and you weren't getting anything. Your fingers weren't enough anymore.

You weren't going to go another night without him.

[that evening after the concert ended]

You were leaning against the wall of the shower, letting the warm water trickle down your back. You were trying to save your energy for when bill got back. He was down in the lobby getting the rest of your guys' bags. Some of them had gotten lost at the airport and they were finally delivered.

You rubbed a bar of soap up and down your body, waiting for the moment he walked in. You couldn't hear any footsteps yet or the sound of the elevator coming up to your floor, so he was still getting the bags. That meant you had time. Time to get ready, to get sexy. You wanted to smell irresistible and didn't want to give him any option to not want you.

You were just hoping, begging to god that after he saw you, his fatigue would just evaporate. You needed it to. A heat was building inside of you and you needed him. You needed bill and you couldn't go another night without him.

"Ich bin zurück!" (I'm back!) Bill yelled, rubbing his face and walking inside of the hotel room.

You heard the door open and shut quickly and a loud thud hit the floor. Must've been the bags. You washed the soap off of your body and slowly stepped out of the shower, grabbing a towel to dry yourself off. You could hear Bill groaning against the bed, obviously tired out from the day, so you tried your best to hurry up.

Bill shuffled out of the bed and knocked on the door. He leaned his forehead up against it waiting for you to say something.

"Was geht?!" (What is it?!) You yelled to him, running a comb through your wet hair.

"Ich muss aufs Klo. Ich muss mein Make-up abwischen..." (I need to use the bathroom. I have to wipe my makeup off...) Bill muttered against the door, taking in a deep breath with his eyes closed.

"Ich bin gleich draußen, gib' mir noch einen Moment!" (I'll be right out, give me a moment!) You said back to him, rubbing lotion on your body and face. You could hear him sigh in annoyance, making you roll your eyes. He's so impatient..

[a few minutes later] (most of the speaking is in English now!!)

You creaked open the door, slowly stepping out to face him. He groaned again and started to stand up.

"Finally, you're out of there, I'm exhau-" you could actually see the second his voice got caught in his throat. You were standing there in front of him in a black lingerie set, staring up at him with a little smile on your face. He just stood there, staring back at you waiting for you to make a move.

You slowly stepped towards him and rubbed your hands on his chest. "You know, it's been a while since we've had a little time to ourselves, Bill. Don't you think we need it?" You asked innocently. Some of his eye makeup was smeared on his face and it made him look so hot. You bit down on your bottom lip, waiting for his reply.

"Ar..are you sure..? I mean..after today, all of the practicing and the-" You leaned up on your tippy toes and started planting little kisses on his neck.

"I'm sure, are you sure..? Because I know exactly what I want, I want you Bill. I need you..." You mumbled against his neck before leaning back down on your feet. You ran your fingers through his sloppy hair and slid them down over his neck. He bent down a little bit, leaning closer towards your lips with a small smirk on his face, "and don't pretend like you haven't been teasing me for weeks. Pressing your dick against me, whispering in my ear on stage..this moment right now is because of you, Bill. So please..take advantage of the situation..?" You begged, whispering against his lips lovingly.

He took a deep breath in slowly and grazed his finger tips along your hips. His eyes were practically staring into your soul at this point but you could see his dick. It was throbbing in his pants. He was hard as a rock, you could just tell he needed some help.

You smiled against his lips and placed a little kiss on them before sinking down to your knees. You cupped your hand on his dick and bit down on your bottom lip, he was so fucking big. You crawled closer to him and starting kissing his dick through his pants, as you toyed with his zipper.

You could feel him getting impatient, if you had looked up at him you could probably see all the veins in his neck ready to burst.

You unzipped his pants, and pulled out his dick. Gasping at the sight of it. You could never get used to his size, he was so big. You wrapped your hands around the base and starting licking the tip of it. His groans were so sexy and hot, he sounded amazing. You licked down his length, taking one of his balls in your mouth while you pumped his dick with one hand, the other hand steadying yourself with his thigh.

"Mmm...mein schmutziges Mädchen." (my dirty girl.) Bill muttered, running his fingers through your hair. You smiled against him, licking back up his length and spitting in your hand to stroke his dick better. You started with small kitten licks against the tip of his dick before taking more of him in your mouth.

You tightened your hand and pumped his dick nice and slow, taking as much of him as you could into your mouth before it hit the back of your throat causing you to gag. You furrowed your brows and mewed out, pulling him out of your mouth and back in. You slid your tongue underneath it and sucked him in.

"God....fuuuuckkk..." He moaned out, the grip of his hand tightening on your hair. He jolted his hips against your face, he didn't care about the gagging sounds, he was getting so close. You steadied yourself with his thighs as he slid his dick in and out of your mouth. You closed your eyes and tried to relax your throat as best you could as he used you. Drool and saliva dripped from the corner of your mouth, making you swallow harshly as his cum squirted down your throat.

He pulled out of your mouth and pulled you up your arms. Some of his cum dripped out onto your chin and on your face. You looked so incredibly sexy. He tangled his fingers in your hair and locked his lips with yours. You needed that release now.

You wrapped your legs around his thigh, grinding against him as he picked you up and walked over to the nearest counter. He sat you down on it and moved to kissing your neck.

His hands were gripping and groping at your chest and he had pulled your legs apart. Whines dripped out of your mouth. You had nothing to grind against now.

"Not yet...you'll get your release, don't be so impatient. My dirty little slut..." he mumbled, ripping your lingerie and taking one of your nipples in his mouth. You moaned out loudly and your hands found his hair quickly. You breathing got heavier, as he toyed with you. He flicked and bit your nipples until they were sore and raw. He could hear your little cries as he stimulated you. You sounded perfect.

He pulled himself off of your and ripped the rest of your lingerie off. He could see the shocked expression on your face as he smirked.

"I'll buy you a new one, don't worry." He spread your legs even more, and slid one finger against your wet folds. You were dripping for him. So wet and pretty. All of it for him.

He pulled your thighs over his shoulders and began to attack your clit. He sucked so harshly on it and held you in place on the counter. You wanted to grind against his face so badly but he wouldn't let you. He smacked your thighs anytime you tried to move. Tears began to form on your waterline and you got closer to your release.

You pulled tightly on his hair, moaning loudly making him stop. You shouted out no when he pulled back and picked you back up.

"The only time you're going to be cumming, is on my pretty dick baby..you got that?" He flipped you over the the counter and pulled off his pants completely now. Like clock-work, you stuck your ass up at him as your cheek was squished against the table. His soft, slender fingers rubbed and pulled at your ass before pulling them against and kisses your lower lips again.

You tried to find something to grab but you had nothing. You were getting to be so stimulated, and you needed him so badly. You needed all of him, you needed him right no-

"Oh God...! Bill...!" It was like your whole body tightened up as he slid his dick in you. He was so big and filled you up completely. Tears dripped down against the table as he slid in and out of you. Fucking you like never before.

"Bill! Fuck...~ please..." You cried out, the feeling was so good. He smacked your ass hard, making you blush and tear up again.

"Shhhh...you don't want the whole hotel to hear you, now do you?" He whispered against you, holding your hips in place as he fucked you harder. You could feel everything starting to build up inside of you. All of the orgasms you could've had in the past month, but you and Bill were too tired. Everything you could've been feeling. All of the quickies you two could've had if you had just said something.

You squealed out as white, stringy ropes of cum dripped out of his dick inside of you. After that all you could see was white, you came all over him and you breathing was unsteady.

You gasped lightly as he pulled out of you and kissed your back.

"I'll be right back, meine liebe.." he whispered in your ear, leaving you on the table and walking into the bathroom to get something to clean you two up...

I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS OMG 🤭🤭 I HAD SM FUN WRITING IT

taglist: @hearts4kaulitz @burntb4bydoll @bored0writer @fishinaband @billsleftnutt @tokiiohot @saumspam @5hyslv7 @memog1rl @80s-tingz @billybabeskaulitz @victryzvv9 @banshailey @nyxwritesshit

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notafunkiller · 10 months

Text

you were mine just yesterday - co-written with @marvelouslizzie

Summary: It's been a while since your break up with Bucky happened, but you're still not over him. You try to move on, go out, and have fun with your friend, Steve, but you end up in the same bar you two went to often. It also just happens that Bucky is there too, with Natasha by his side. It doesn't take long for you two to end up getting into old habits.

Pairing: exes!Bucky Barnes x female reader

Word count: 10.7K

Warnings: 18+, second chance romance, teasing, dirty talk and pet names, language, jealousy, fingering, nipples play, oral séx (the reader receiving), choking, clit play, metal arm, no condom (but they are both clean and the reader is on birth control), aftercare, alcohol (but she is not even tipsy), death mention, no mention of y/n.

Bucky Barnes Masterlist

Please, do not repost or translate without my permission! I really hope you’ll enjoy it, I can’t wait to read what you think.

The screams he hears when he opens the door and holds it so Natasha can get inside first already make him regret agreeing to this. He absolutely hates crowded places, but at the same time the food is great here, and it's literally one street away from his apartment, he can suck it up a little.

“Come on, I'm starving.”

Bucky looks around, trying to spot anything and anyone that could be suspicious, but everything seems fine.

“You can't relax even for a second, can you?”

He rolls his eyes, but right before he can comment something sarcastic in return, he hears it... your laugh, followed by a strong smell of cherries, and he immediately looks toward the bar. There you are: dressed in a lovely shirt and your favorite pair of pants, with a huge smile on your face. You look out of this world but you aren't alone, no. His stomach aches at the sight of you sharing drinks with his fucking best friend as if nothing else matters.

“Bucky?” Natasha's voice isn't enough to make him tear his eyes off you. “Hey! You said you're starving.”

“What the fuck is this?”

Bucky’s voice doesn’t go unheard by Steve.

“Oh shit,” he mumbles. “Bucky is here with Natasha.”

The moment you hear Natasha’s name you feel like someone punched you in the guts. You instantly start looking around and it doesn’t take long until you finally see them together, standing there and looking for a place. Bucky with Natasha… Why doesn’t that surprise you? A better question: Why does it hurt that much to hear it? You should have expected this.

“We should go and say hi. They're staring.”

“Is this a fucking joke?” Bucky finally looks at Natasha with a deep frown. “Did you know this?”

“Know what?”

He finds it hard to speak as if something was stuck in his throat. “About... them.”

“I didn’t know they would be here.”

Bucky seems like he doesn’t know what to do. He's trying his best not to have a breakdown right then, because how could this happen to him?

“Maybe we should leave,” you say to Steve, feeling uncomfortable already. You are in no mood to watch Bucky and Natasha together. But when you make a move to stand up, Steve gently touches your hand to stop you.

“You can’t run away from him forever.” He’s right. You can’t. You don’t feel like facing them today, but you shouldn’t be the one running either. You slowly sit back down, feeling grateful that you aren’t alone.

“Can you suck it up a little, Barnes? I won’t act like I didn’t see them just because you can’t face your ex, who, by the way, is still our friend.” Natasha rolls her eyes at him, hiding her smirk and starts to walk toward the bar. “Plus, they look like they’re having fun.”

You notice Steve smiling, but you have no idea why. When you see Natasha coming toward you and Bucky following her like a puppy, you understand and try to fake a smile, too, before taking a big sip from your drink.

“Hi. What a coincidence, nice to see you here.” Natasha leans in to kiss Steve on the cheek, then you after you let the glass on the table.

“Hi,” you force the word out of your mouth as nicely as you can. It’s not that you dislike Natasha. On the contrary, you find her a smart, well-traveled, obviously, woman. You liked her opinions in most of the conversations you had, but it doesn’t mean you aren’t jealous of her when she’s around Bucky because of the same reasons.

“So nice to see you, Natasha.” Steve keeps the conversation going. “Bucky!” He tilts his head just a little to see him behind Natasha.

You don't dare to look, though. Your hands are already sweating. Seeing him so close would make your state even worse.

“Steve.” You close your eyes instinctively at the sound of his voice, but you open them when he mentions your name too.

“Hi.”

“What are you having? This looks sooo tasty.” Natasha has always been good at making conversation regardless of her feelings, and you never wished more than then to be like that too.

“Oh.” Steve casually stirs his drink with the cocktail pick. “It’s a cherry cocktail but it’s not on the menu.”

“Of course.” Bucky steps aside from behind Natasha and comes closer to you with a serious, unreadable expression. “The famous cherry cocktail.” His tone is dripping in sarcasm as he leans in and, without any warning, he takes Steve's glass and downs it in three seconds. “Less flavor than usual.”

You don't realize the death glare you're giving Bucky until you feel Steve's hand on your skin, probably trying to calm you down. You can’t believe his audacity. This is the man who broke your heart and left you and he thinks he can just come here and act like this? Hell no!

Bucky's eyes fall to your arm and leans in again, placing the empty glass down and taking two cherries from the cherries glass.

“It’s fine,” Steve says in a way that is extra calm.

“Yeah, it is fine.” You find yourself agreeing immediately. “I can get them to make you a better one.”

“Well, I am curious now.” Natasha gives you a warm smile. “Or do we interrupt something?”

“I can order you one, as well, if you want.” You offer with a fake smile on your face, ignoring her implication. You can feel Bucky’s gaze on you even though you aren’t looking in his direction.

“No need. Come on, Nat. I’m starving.”

Nat…

“You sure?” You are only looking at Natasha and ignoring Bucky. “I can talk to the bartender and he can bring you the cocktail. He’s a good friend, he wouldn’t mind.”

Bucky puffs, shaking his head.

“You okay, Buck?” Steve can't help but ask.

“Yeah, are you okay?” You try to look as casual as possible.

“If I weren't, would you offer me a drink made by your good friend, too?” His eyes and voice don't tell you much. He asks you this in the most casual way possible. Even Natasha looks surprised.

“I think you need something stronger.” Your eyes are wandering to Natasha for a second. “Since you already tried it and didn’t like the cherry cocktail that much.”

He shrugs, not denying what you said despite it being a huge lie. Then he smirks and looks at Natasha and Steve. “I assume you don't mind us joining you, right? I'm starving.”

Of course he doesn’t ask you. He knows your answer and still decides to do this. Okay, if that’s what he wants…

Steve turns his head to you, asking you indirectly if this is okay, and you nod, trying not to look affected. Especially when he sits next to you with Natasha on his left.

You instinctively move away from him and closer to Steve.

Bucky starts to take off his jacket as he speaks. “I'm not gonna eat you, you know?”

“Hmm?” You give him a look.

“I'm not into human meat, don't worry.” He takes off his gloves. Your eyes immediately fall to his hands and you feel the sadness spread inside you. It’s so overwhelming to be around him, yet you don’t want to give him the pleasure of seeing how hard this is for you.

“I’m aware. I’m just more comfortable like this.” You reach for your drink and take a sip, turning your attention to Steve. “Should I order a new one for you or would you rather drink something else?”

Bucky puffs. “He can order for himself. He is over 100 years old, doll.”

You ignore Bucky’s comment and look over to Natasha. “Do you wanna try the cocktail, Natasha?”

She hesitates, looking at you and at Bucky, and you try not to roll your eyes.

“Do you have any suggestions with strawberries? I love strawberries.” She points to Steve. "He does, too."

“I’m more of a cherry girl, but we can ask my friend. I’m sure he has some good suggestions.”

“Such a close friend”

“Yeah.” You ignore Bucky and raise your hand. The bartender gives you a smile before coming closer.

“Hey. Is everything alright?”

“Everything is fantastic. I just need another one of these.” You raise your nearly empty glass. “And Natasha wants to ask for your recommendations for a drink with strawberries.” You point at her while saying her name.

He gives a few options and both Steve and her agree on one.

“What about you?”

Bucky looks at him bored. “A burger: chicken, extra pickles, please.”

“Any drinks?”

“Your cheapest beer will do.” You respond instead of Bucky, and he immediately gives you a questioning look and lifts his eyebrow. But he doesn’t seem to care, and the bartender just nods and leaves.

“So,” Natasha starts. “For how long have you two been hanging out?”

Steve looks at Bucky. “We never stopped hanging out.”

“Why would you?” Natasha winks at you, and Bucky feels he is going crazy. Many images of you and Steve laughing, walking together, even kissing take over his mind.

“Exactly.” You smile in response.

“What about you two?” Steve asks with a mischievous smile on his face.

“What about us?” Bucky asks immediately, giving Steve a hard look. “Do you want to gossip with the ladies present?”

“That never stopped you before.” You didn’t intend to say it out loud, but it’s already out there.

Bucky's head instantly turns to you. “What?”

“I said that never stopped you before.” It’s too late to back out so you decide to go for it. Bucky usually doesn’t care who is around. He says what he wants to say when he wants to say it. So your presence shouldn’t stop him.

“I heard you the first time. I was waiting for additional explanation.”

“Oh, good. I thought your hearing was getting worse for a sec.” You just look into his eyes. “You always say what you wanna say. So why would us being present stop you now?”

“My senses are perfect, thank you for your concern. Natasha and I are hanging out, too, obviously.”

Your bartender comes back with the drinks and that stops the conversation. He puts your drinks by one by, saving Bucky’s beer for the last.

“We’re out of our cheapest one so I brought the second cheapest. I hope that’s okay.”

“I'll survive,” Bucky murmurs.

“Your burger is coming up in five minutes.” And with that remark, he leaves you four alone.

“This tastes amazing,” Steve smiles, squeezing your hand, and Natasha immediately agrees.

“Yeah.”

“Glad you like it.”

“Want to try it, Bucky?” She asks him with an innocent smile, which makes your blood boil.

Bucky shakes his head and drinks from his bottle. “Ah, this tastes too expensive.”

“You’ll survive,” you whisper, imitating his tone.

“Oh, I will.” He gives you the most charming smile you've seen in a while and takes your glass to take a sip.

“Will you stop drinking other people’s drinks without asking them?” You can’t hide how done you are with his entitled ass.

“You'll survive, I'm sure.” He mocks you without a care in the world. You can feel the tension increasing, but you have no idea what to do. You can’t control your reactions, and he keeps pushing you.

“Oh, I will, but…” You move closer to him just a little. “If you need… you know… some help you can have a drink on me.”

“Hmm.” He chuckles and moves closer, too immediately catching on to what you meant. “Don't worry about it, I am sure Nat would cover me.”

“I am sure she would.” You smile back, fighting the urge to roll your eyes and break the glass into tiny pieces, so you just put your drink in front of him. No way you are gonna keep drinking that.

“Hey, Adam!” The bartender looks at you from a bit far away. “Same drink, please.” He winks first and then nods.

Bucky frowns and downs the drink, trying to look unaffected. “You had no problems sharing drinks with me before.”

“Now I’m more careful about what I put into my body.”

Steve tries to mask his laugh by fake coughing, but you notice anyway. So Bucky must do it, too.

“I can see that. You don't mind sharing drinks with my best friend now.” He gives you a bitter smile for the first time in ages. The way he emphasized the word drinks makes you wonder what’s running through his mind.

Adam comes back with his burger and side dish, and you feel your mouth water. “Enjoy and let me know if you want anything else.”

Bucky takes a big bite from his burger as you reach out to his fries and take a couple without a care. If he can freely drink your cocktail, you can steal some of his fries.

Natasha and Steve look at you surprised.

“What are you doing?” Bucky asks, chewing loudly on purpose.

“Taking some of your fries.”

“Thought we don't share drinks and food anymore. We moved on from that. We passed that stage.”

You remark his and Natasha's closeness again and feel your blood boil.

“So it’s okay for you to do it, but it’s a problem when I do it?” Yet you take another fry and put it inside your mouth, looking directly into his eyes. You want him to know this is not about fries or sharing stuff.

Bucky's surprise is visible all over his face. He's simply speechless even after Adam brings you your drink and you give him a forced smile.

“Thanks, Adam,” You say like everything is fine. “I will use the restroom. Would you keep an eye on my drink for me, Steve?”

And you leave without waiting for an answer.

You go to the restroom, lock your door and sit down. You just need a minute alone because all of this is too much for you. Seeing him with Natasha tonight is hard enough, but he keeps challenging you. He acts like nothing is changed, but everything changed when he decided to walk away. Even though you don’t wanna admit it, your feelings for him are still there and they’re making everything harder.

You take a couple of deep breaths and remind yourself this was going to happen one day. It just happened to be today and you can get through it. You’ll be fine.

You get up, unlock the door and just wash your hands, splashing some water on your neck, too, before you look at yourself in the mirror. At least you are looking alright.

You jump when you hear the door opening and turn around just to see Bucky locking the door again.

“This is the ladies’ room!”

He looks at you as if he can't understand what you're saying.

“I said this is the ladies-”

“I heard you the first time. What the fuck do you think you're doing?”

You puff. “I should be the one asking that question.”

“I am not here sharing drinks with your best friend, am I?” He walks toward you.

“No, you are here with Nat.”

Bucky washes his hands in response, not understanding how you can compare Nat with Steve. You are here on a date with his best friend.

“Have fun with Nat and stay away from my drinks.” You leave the ladies’ room, but he’s right behind you.

“I wasn't finished with you.”

“That sounds like a you-problem. I have a drink that’s waiting for me.”

“Just be honest and say Steve is waiting for you.”

“Just like Nat is waiting for you.” You look like you are tired of this conversation already when you snap.

“Are you having fun, doll? Are we bothering you? Did you want to enjoy your date all alone?”

You make a face when you hear the word date. So that’s why he was acting like that. He thinks you are on a date with Steve. “What I do with my life is none of your concern! Just go and enjoy your own date.”

“None of my concern, right?” His calm facade is finally falling. “You are on a fucking date with my best friend!”

“Oh, so that’s why you decided to be an ass? Because you think Steve picked up the toy you threw away?”

When he gets so close to you, you feel like you're suffocating. “Careful.”

“Or what?”

“You forgot what happens?”

“Oh,” you say in a mocking tone. The audacity he has! “Well, too bad you don’t get to do that anymore.”

“Does he do that?” He closes his eyes, still too close to you. “Do you let him touch you? Is this why he isn't around?”

You raise your hand instantly, wanting to slap him right there for crossing a line, but you manage to control yourself, remembering his past. You see him closing his eyes instinctively and you sigh. You might be mad at him, but you wouldn't hurt him like this. He is not a bad person… And you don’t wanna bring his trauma back.

You take a deep breath and retreat your hand.

“Maybe he isn’t around because you are an ass, did you consider that?”

“Why him?” He opens his eyes. “I would take all of your slaps instead of living through this.”

He sounds so weak, and tired, and sad. There is a part inside you that gets angrier because he thinks so low of you, but there is another part that understands and wants to assure him you would never do that to him.

“Why him what? I’m not dating your best friend, Bucky. Pull your head out of your ass!”

He freezes. He really freezes and lets out a deep, deep breath as if he's been holding it for a long time. His forehead drops until it meets yours, and you gasp surprised.

“I was going insane, baby. I felt like my life was just...”

You take a step back, not letting yourself enjoy his touch or his baby. “It doesn’t change the fact that you are here with Nat.”

“What about Nat?”

“What about Nat?” You repeat his question. “Did you forget she’s waiting for you? Or the fact that you suddenly left me? Me not dating Steve changes nothing. So stop calling me baby or doll or whatever charming pet name you come up with.”

Bucky laughs humorlessly as he shakes his head. “You think I'm really with Nat? You think I could ever replace you? That I'd even try?”

“Then why the fuck did you leave me?” You are so close to shouting, but you still don’t want people to hear you. Your eyes are getting filled with tears.

“Why do you think, huh? Do I look happy to you? You think I'd leave you to date Romanoff?”

“Why not? She’s perfect!”

Bucky looks at you dumb-faced. “For who? For what? Why do you...”

“For you! You two are a perfect match!” You take a breath, trying to contain your emotions. You don’t want to cry in front of him.

He is instantly touching your arms again, making you shiver. “Why would you say that?”

“Because even if you aren’t dating now, you will realize how perfect she is for you eventually. So go back inside. Don’t let her wait.” You sniffle, your head is slightly shaking because of all the emotions you are holding back.

His flesh hand grabs your chin and you feel his hot lips on top of yours before you can react.

The way he kisses you makes you wanna cry even more. It reminds you of everything you tried so hard to forget yet never managed to…

Even though you want to give in, you take a step back. You can’t handle another heartbreak.

“Don’t…” The tears start to fall down. “Just don’t.”

“Do you not want me?” His eyes are teary, too, and there is nothing to hide anymore. But he can't ask this, he can't do this to you. He is unfair. He left you, he broke it off. He...

“Do you have any idea how much you hurt me?” You try to dry your tears with the back of your hand. “You can’t just come back, kiss me and expect everything to be fixed!”

“I am so fucking sorry, baby. I wasn't trying to hurt you.” He stops himself and sighs. “I really don't deserve you. I keep making you cry.”

“Saying sorry isn’t enough, Bucky. What did you think would happen when you left me? Did you think it wouldn’t break my heart? Is this what you want to hear? That you broke my heart when you left me? Here! I’m heartbroken because of you. Happy now? Can we go back inside now?”

“I just wanted...” He shakes his head, wiping off his tears. “Let's just get inside.”

“What did you want Bucky? Tell me. What did you wanna hear?”

“I'm not worth it, that's fucking clear. I am sorry for this whole mess I brought into your life.”

“Don’t ever say that!” You angrily point your finger at him. “You know how much I think you deserve. This is solely about you leaving me. You made that decision, remember? I opened my heart to you and you left me! Don’t make me feel guilty about getting hurt.”

“Don’t you realize how dangerous it is?” He says desperately, looking you in the eye. “I would get you killed... we all would...”

“Really? Is that why you left me?” It angers you more than you imagined. This is probably the worst reason he could give you. Like you were safe before meeting him. As if he didn’t save your life.

“Bucky?”

You jump when you hear Natasha.

“What?” He snaps, looking at her. There is nothing in his eyes that can be even close to desire, you notice.

“Are you gonna come back or should we leave and let you cry for the rest of the night?”

“No, Nat, we're leaving.”

You grab Bucky’s arm and drag him out despite the shocked look on Natasha’s face, and Bucky just lets you.

“Pay the check. He's gonna transfer you the money for our order later,” you say casually while half of the restaurant looks at you.

Steve throws him his leather jacket without hiding his smirk, and Bucky catches it, giving him a typical Bucky look without saying anything.

“Where are we going?” Bucky finally asks when you’re outside and you let go of his arm.

“Your place obviously. Did you walk or took the motor like a lazy ass?”

Bucky rolls his eyes and puts on his jacket. “I walked.”

“Fine. So we are walking back to your place then.” You wait for him to move as he laughs and shakes his head.

“What?”

“You said that when we met too.”

You roll your eyes. He’s always been a stubborn ass. You remember him insisting the serum will do its job and he’ll heal faster, but you couldn’t just let him bleed, so you had to drag him to your place. “Just walk.”

“Bossy.”

“If I remember correctly, you said that when we met.” You don’t wait for him and just start to walk, trying not to think about what he said.

You miss his huge grin and his boyish look, but you hear his footsteps. He reaches your side in no time. “I missed you.”

You close your eyes for a second and try really hard not to say you missed him too. “I can’t do this again, Bucky. I can’t get my heart broken for the second time.” You sound like you are in pain.

He nods. “I didn't even think you’d want that.”

“I just don’t understand what you are trying to do.”

“You deserve to know the truth and the context, so you can stay away from us for good.”

You huff, but you don’t say anything. You two walk in silence for a while and luckily it doesn’t take more than five minutes to arrive at his place.

You get to his door and the familiarity is killing you. So many memories come to your mind and you're not even inside yet.

When you finally step in, it's like time has not passed: the TV, the couch... except for the sheet. The sheet is back on the floor.

“Are you sleeping on the ground again?”

Bucky sighs, taking off his shoes. “Can we ignore that? Let's focus on your questions. Do you want a glass of water?”

“Answer my question while pouring me a glass of water then.”

“The man who almost killed you when we met?” He opens the fridge and takes out the water bottle before directly handing it to you. “He's a part of the new wave of Hydra.”

You look at him, feeling completely confused. You don’t even notice the water bottle.

Hydra?

“They might know about you...” He bites his bottom lip entirely, showing his frustration. “We managed to take a few down. They are careless as fuck, so young and dumb.” He just puts down the bottle on the kitchen counter.

“You… left me… because you think they are after me because of you?”

Bucky looks away. “Does it matter?”

“Isn’t that why I am here? Because you wanted me to know the truth. So just tell me. Is that why you left me?”

“He knew your name, where you work, your family.” Bucky pauses, trying to control his anger. “He knew we were together. I have no idea how because you know... you know I never let my guard down. And what if they’d have gotten you? What if they do? You need to stay away from me, us.”

He can’t believe Steve or the rest thought it’s okay to continue to be around you.

“So you decided to leave me alone, be a more vulnerable target. Good job Bucky! Very well done!” You start to clap. “You are the dumbest person I have ever met.”

“Do you honestly think I left you unprotected?” Bucky puffs, as if he can't believe you'd ever think that.

“Then why did you have to leave? What was the point, huh? If they already knew all that stuff about me… about us… What the fuck was the point?”

“What if they kidnap you or kill you just have me back?”

You sigh. “You know that’s always a possibility in our world right?”

He hesitates before speaking. “What if they trigger me?”

You take a frustrated deep breath. There is no way they can do that again. No way! But if he thinks that, then it means he doesn’t trust himself or his skills. Again. “You accepted the defeat already.”

Bucky snaps immediately. “Do you not understand I could kill you? I could kill you and not even...” He closes his eyes unable to look at you as he speaks. He could not recognize you. He could make you suffer in the worst possible ways if you were his target.

“This is why I said you accepted the defeat already!”

“I could kill you...” Bucky repeats so shaken.

“You wouldn’t.” You’ve never been more sure in your life.

“How do you know that? I almost killed everyone...”

“You didn’t kill Steve.”

Bucky gets closer again, shocked by how calmly you talk about his worst nightmare. “I can't risk that. I cannot risk your life.”

“So you would rather leave me alone and heartbroken.”

“Yes.” His answer comes instantly. “If you're alive, that's-”

“And go back to sleeping on the ground!”

“It's not like I sleep much anyway.” The way he says it... like it's not a big deal at all amazes you.

“You know what bothers me about all of this? Something I didn’t think you would do...”

“What?”

“You took my choice away.”

Bucky is shaking when he hears you, completely taken aback.

“Instead of telling me about all the risks, you decided on your own. I would never do that to you.”

“I dreamed about this. I... I saw you,” he pauses. “I was choking you."

“Not something you didn’t do before.” Your response comes instantly, without much thinking because the tension is killing you and you want to lighten the mood a little. “Choking, I mean.”

And he smiles. You make him smile and it feels like you won the lottery. “You quite liked that.”

“You did, too.”

“I did, you were very pretty.”

“You know that’s not what I meant.”

Bucky sighs, not knowing what to say. “I'm sorry for putting you through all of this.”

“There’s something else you should also apologize about.”

“What?”

“For taking my choice away...”

“I am sorry for that,” he says instantly. “But I don't regret it. I made the right choice.”

“If you don’t regret it, we don’t have anything to talk about. I don’t need your sorry.” If he doesn’t regret it, what’s the point of this conversation?

“Your life is worth everything to me." His voice is so soft as he speaks.

“I understand that, but it doesn’t make it any better.”

“I am sorry for not telling you." He keeps apologizing.

“You don’t regret it, though. So… I don’t know where to go from here. Maybe I should go.”

He tries to hide his disappointment. He's being unfair and he knows it. “If that is what you want... let me grab the hamlets and I can give you a ride.”

“I don’t need a ride.” You don’t want to be that close to him on his motorcycle. You can handle yourself. You wish things were different, that he had told you the truth. You would have to make him see things from your perspective, but he didn’t share anything with you. He pushed you away completely.

“No fucking way.” Bucky shakes his head. “You should know this by now.”

“You’re not my boyfriend anymore so you don’t have a say.”

“No,” he simply responds.

“The sooner you accept that you have no say in my life anymore the better.” He can’t keep acting like he’s a part of your life. You understand his fear, his good intentions, but he refuses to see the whole picture. You’re not safe either way and he still protects you. He could have done it and still be by your side.

Bucky comes even closer to you. “It's not safe. Did you not hear me until now?”

“So dropping me off is somehow safer? Do you ever hear yourself? You told me you left me because my life was in danger and you don’t regret breaking my heart. And now you wanna drop me home and make me a target again? Is sleeping on the ground killing your brain cells too?”

“I have a fucking metal arm.” He raises his left arm. “I didn't mean just Hydra's dumb men. I mean normal dumb men too.”

“I did not forget that you have a metal arm, but you did since you broke up with me. And you apparently also forgot that I can handle dumb men all by myself. You chose this! You had your reasons, I get it, but you can’t just come back whenever you feel like it, okay? You can’t go all passive-aggressive like you did to Steve because I am on a date. You can’t offer to drop me off. If you’d decided to get out of my life, stand by that choice. Since you don’t regret it, it shouldn’t be that hard.” With every sentence, your anger is rising. You don’t realize you say the words like you’re spitting them out.

“I did not mean it like that.” He ignores the comment about how you can handle yourself because there are limits to that. “I regret not being with you, deciding that for you if that's what you mean, but I don't regret making this choice for your own good. And you would have gotten bored of me anyway. I have too much baggage, too. You shouldn't have to deal with this shit."

You shake your head, absolutely crushed by his words. How can he think he’s so hard to love? How can he… “If lying to yourself helps with sleeping at night, go for it, but that’s not the truth.”

Bucky sits down on the couch. “You cannot deny I am right.” He sighs. “Let me call you an Uber at least.”

“You want me to lie and I can’t do that, Bucky. You were the love of my life. I would never get bored of you.” You don’t know why you are saying all this. You thought and think about him constantly. He wasn’t just your boyfriend, he became your best friend.

You can see the surprise and happiness all over his face right away. He's glowing.

“You were mine, too, I hope you know that.”

“I didn’t. Not until now.” You bite your lip, trying to hold back your tears. It’s just so hard.

“I wish things could be different, but I promise I'll keep protecting you.”

That makes something inside you snap. “It could’ve been different! But you chose this!” Your anger is suddenly pouring out. “I don’t want your protection. You are either in my life or out of it. There’s no in-between. Do you understand me?”

“No.”

“God, I hate you so much! I hate how stubborn and stupid you are! I hate that you never listen to me! I fucking hate how you make me feel!”

Bucky stands up. “Do you think this is easy for me? Do you think I don't want to talk and hold you and make love to you? Do you think it's easy, huh? No! But someone has to make these decisions! I won’t let you die because you're stubborn.” He's so red and angry. “I am not worth it.”

“For fuck’s sake! I’ve had enough of this, okay? One second you tell me you have to stay away and another that you wanna make love to me. You treat me like shit and then kiss me! Why do you do that, huh? Why?” You don’t wait for a response, letting out everything you have been holding in. “I don’t fucking care if it’s easy or not. You know why? It wasn’t my decision. YOU DIDN’T LET ME CHOOSE YOU. So if you are suffering that’s on you, pal. My suffering is on you, too. Now get out of my way. I wanna go home.” You try to breathe and control your anger again, but it feels impossible.

“What do you want me to do? Risk your life?”

“I want you to get out of my way and stay away from me. I’m done with talking, arguing, and crying.”

“You won't see me.” He looks away as he promises you that, and you feel like crying more than ever. That's it? “But you have to promise me you won't see the others.”

“The others?”

“Natasha, Steve, Sam. We are all the problem.”

“Oh, hell no. Fuck no! No!” You point your finger at him, angrily. “You don’t get to decide shit anymore. Especially not about my life. You are done with making choices for me!”

“Did you not hear what I told you tonight? They should know better. I will have a discussion with them about it too. They are so stupid-"

“I don’t fucking care. Should I spell it out for you? Would that make it easier for you to understand? I DON’T FUCKING CARE! You don’t want to be in my life, fine. Your decision, but them… I’m not giving up on anyone.”

“Why are you so fucking stubborn? We are talking about death and life.”

“I made that choice the day we met, okay? When you fucking saved me. I’m way passed that point. They are my friends, too, and they will stay that way. This conversation is over.”

“I'll call you an Uber.” He murmurs, knowing continuing this would not a wise decision. He expected more from Steve at least. He knew how dangerous this is. At least Sam and Natasha seemed to understand.

You’re surprised when you see him suddenly giving you a funny look. “What?”

“I can't believe you really thought I could be with Natasha like that.”

Of course this would come and bite you in the ass!

“I always thought you two would be a good match.” That was always on the back of your mind, thinking if they gave it a chance it would work amazingly. She is beautiful, powerful, lethal… and Bucky deserves the best. Seeing them together double hurt.

He gasps as if he can’t believe this. “What?”

“Why are you so surprised?”

“We were together and you thought I could ever replace you with her?” He sounds hurt and confused at the same time.

“Yeah. I was sure that would happen one day.”

He stares at you completely blank for a while and you don't know what he's thinking. You were honest.

“And you say I gave up on us? You thought I am gonna-”

“It doesn’t matter, Bucky, okay?”

It does, actually, very much, but you’re so tired and hurt and simply without energy.

“Fuck it.”

You don't expect him to take you by the back of your neck and kiss you, surprising you for the second time on the same night. You don’t understand why this set him off or what he’s trying to do. All you can think of is how much you missed this.

He whimpers when he realizes you don't reject him and licks your bottom lip.

You wanna cry. You wanna hit him. You wanna push him away, but you also want to keep kissing him. You hate how conflicted you are feeling.

He closes his eyes, letting you go. “I don't know why I...”

You know how that sentence would end. You don’t need to hear it. He doesn’t know why he can’t stay away from you.

“So you are really that dumb.”

He stares at your lips. “Fuck, maybe I am.”

“You definitely are, but I am dumber.”

You grab him by the collar and kiss him again. He doesn't hesitate to open his mouth and let your tongue find his, his hands grabbing your ass and bringing you so close that you feel his hard-on.

“Fuck.”

Everything feels overwhelmingly familiar and you missed this so much. You missed his lips, his taste, his touch, his smell… You grab his face with both of your hands and kiss him however you want, however you need.

“No one can replace you, alright?”

“Then what is the point of all this?” His face is still between your hands. “You want us to live in agony for the rest of our lives?”

“I just want to keep you safe, baby.” He kisses your palms. “I really don't want to risk your life. I couldn't survive!” He's haunted by that image of you dying, him killing you… He wouldn't be able to move on with his life.

“But I don’t wanna live like this.”

“How do you want to live?” He finally asks.

“I wanna be with you, Bucky, but you don’t let me. You don’t let me have you. You don’t let me move on. How am I supposed to live like this?”

“You want someone else?”

Seriously?

“I said all of those things and that’s what you heard?”

“I heard you, but it's all a mess. I am a mess. I would understand.” His tone is ice cold. He's so frustrating.

You grab his face with one of your hands again and force him to look you in the eye. “Would you really understand?” You question because you are damn sure he wouldn’t. “You would rather have me forgetting all about you and moving on than being with me?”

He seems to think intensely for a couple of seconds, contemplating, imagining different scenarios. You can feel his jaw clenching and you bite your lip.

“You know there is no turning back then, right?”

You don’t understand what he means. “Turning back from what?”

He kisses you as if that is the only answer he can give you. And kisses you. And kisses you until you feel the salty taste of his tears.

Your heart breaks seeing him like this. So vulnerable and tormented. You break the kiss, look at his face, and you feel yourself tearing up.

“You're so fucking stubborn, baby.”

“So are you.”

Bucky smiles, kissing away a few tears on your cheeks. “Can I have you?”

“You gotta work for that.”

That doesn’t seem to deter him. “Yeah? Good, I love working.”

“Yeah? Because it’s not gonna be easy.”

Bucky smiles sadly. “When do I like it easy?”

“I mean it, Bucky. You have to earn my trust back.”

He takes a step back. “And I mean it, I'm here to prove that. I know what a hard and long process it is, and I would never leave you alone again unless you are tired of me. I will protect you with my life, I promise.”

You can’t believe the switch he made. Finally!

“Good. Now come and kiss me because I missed you.” You finally admit it out loud. He’s being vulnerable, so can you, but he hesitates a little.

There’s something in his eyes, maybe it’s the willingness to do anything to earn your trust back, including holding back and waiting, but you don’t want to wait.

“I said gaining my trust will take time. I didn’t say I wanna wait, Bucky.”

“What's the difference?” He’s reluctant, not wanting to make another mistake.

“The difference is I am horny.” It’s been too long. You can’t hold back anymore.

A playful smirk takes all over his face as he comes closer to you. “Are you now? And what can I do about it?”

“I don’t know. What can you do?” You dare him like you don’t know all the things he can do.

“Depends.” His hands grab your neck softly.

“On what?” It’s astonishing how easy it is to fall back into habits.

“On the limits you want to set.”

“You know my limits.”

He looks at you surprised. “But do you trust me with this?”

“My trust issues aren’t over this, and you know it.” He always knew when and where to stop. Never made you feel unsafe. Your only problems are the way he left you and how his actions hurt you.

“Intimacy means a lot of trust,” he says but brings his hands down to your shirt anyway.

“I know. If you didn’t turn into someone else during the time we were apart, I trust you with this.”

“I don't have protection.”

You give him a look. “If you don’t wanna do it that’s fine.”

He snorts, literally ripping your shirt in half, buttons flying everywhere. “Yeah, I totally don't.”

His actions don’t surprise you. You are used to him ripping your clothes. You just look at your teared-away shirt, amused.

“Sounded like many excuses to me.”

“Do you not see my fucking erection?”

You look down, smiling. “Oh, I do see it.” It’s not something you can ignore.

“You lied to me,” he says in a low voice, taking off your bra in a couple of seconds using his flesh hand.

“About what?”

“About Steve. You wanted to drive me crazy.”

“I didn’t say anything about Steve.”

Bucky raises his eyes from your boobs to your face. “You let me think you are dating him.”

“You assumed I was dating him because we were out together and he was trying my favorite cocktail.” You start to unbuckle his belt, incapable to wait any longer. You missed him and his cock so much you are aching. “Take off your shirt.”

Bucky groans in annoyance. “Don't remind me. You made it for him.” He sounds like a jealous kid. “Take it off yourself.”

“Yeah, I was gonna make it for Nat, too.” You finally unbutton his pants and push them down without paying much attention.

Bucky laughs, tilting his head.

“What is so funny?”

He takes off his shirt. “Your voice is getting higher when you're angry.”

“And?” You raise an eyebrow, challenging him to continue.

“Did Nat piss you off or something?” He unbuttons your pants, too, as he asks.

“You piss me off.”

Bucky smiles. “You tend to say that a lot. Nat doesn't think that.”

“What does she think?”

He pulls down your panties and you're surprised a little. You expected him to rip them.

“I guess I don't piss her off.”

You grab his face and make him look at you. “I bet you are on your best behavior around her.”

Bucky bites his lip. “Maybe I am.”

“Now who is lying?” You grip a little harder.

“I don't know, doll. Who is lying?” He moans.

“You enjoy it, don’t you? Seeing me like this? Getting me all worked up?”

You feel his hands on your hips all of a sudden. “You're getting flushed when you're worked up. So beautiful.” He leans in, trying to kiss you, but you don’t let him. You push him back. “Couch or bed?”

“Couch, it's closer unless you want the bed.”

“If you fucked anyone on that couch, I’m not even going close to it.” You look at him in the eye while saying that. It makes your skin crawl.

He grabs your face. “If you think I did this, maybe we shouldn't do anything.”

“What? We weren’t together.”

“I see.” His voice is so low that you barely catch it. What you said goes both ways.

“Don’t go all grumpy and jealous again. I didn’t fuck anyone.”

He puffs relieved. “I'm not grumpy.” He kisses you desperately, though, lifting you at the same time until you wrap your legs around him, and carries you to the couch.

He sits down and his hands drop to his sides, letting you find a good position on his lap.

You push him on his back while trying to make yourself comfortable. “Lay down.”

“I can't reach your tits from there.”

“Just lay down. You are gonna like this.”

He leaves a kiss on both of your breasts before doing what you said, waiting eagerly. You move closer and closer under your pussy is right above his face. He doesn't say anything, and quickly pulls you completely down as if you'd have changed your mind any second if he hadn't done it. You lose your balance for a second but quickly grab the arm of the chair for support.

His tongue is everywhere for a while before stopping on your clit directly. He teases you, though, licking around it, and you can't stand it. You move your hips, trying to get his tongue right where you need it, and he chuckles, sending small vibrations to your clit.

“Just stop teasing me,” you say impatiently. There’s no time for games.

You don't understand what he murmurs, but you feel his tongue finally on your clit at the same time he gets a finger inside you. That gets a loud moan out of you.

“It wasn’t that hard, was it?” You complain while he pumps his finger in and out.

You feel Bucky's vibranium hand making its way to your chest, and you gasp at the cold touch right on your nipple.

“You always find a way to do what you want to do.” But you aren’t complaining. It feels really good.

He adds a second finger inside you just when you finish your sentence.

“Oh, fuck you!” You say after moaning loudly. He’s definitely doing this on purpose.

He doesn't hesitate to move his fingers in a fast pace, opposite to the way he is using his tongue, which you know he does on purpose. Old habits...

“Just lick it properly if you don’t want me to torture you later.”

He pinches your nipple in response.

“Just stick your tongue out.” You move yourself a little bit away from his mouth.

He opens his eyes instantly and frowns. “What are you doing?”

“Taking matters into my own hands.”

His eyes glow and he immediately opens his mouth, sticking his tongue out eagerly. Then you grab his hair and lower yourself onto his mouth, gently riding it.

Bucky moans, keeping his tongue as flat as he can. He can literally die like this and he'd be the happiest man on earth.

You slowly pick up your pace, listening to your body and the need to come grows when he moans just because you tug on his hair a little harder.

His fingers start to move again, surprising you since you're the one riding his face.

It makes your knees shake; it becomes harder to move for a second.

“Oh fuck.” You curse loudly. “I’m gonna- come.”

He whimpers in approval and adds a third finger out of nowhere. You can’t say anything. The only thing you can do is moan while riding his tongue. Bucky keeps the same pace, squeezing your breast at some point until you finish all dizzy.

You take deep breaths, still holding onto the arm of the couch. Then he grabs your hips, lifts you up and you find yourself on your back. You yelp because of his sudden move. He kisses you before you can say anything and spreads your legs at the same time. You feel the wet tip of his cock right at your entrance and you moan, giving him access to deepen the kiss while raising your hips slightly so you can feel more of him.

“That was so good. I missed you so much.”

You stare at his wet chin and cheeks and smile. Your face is now wet, too, but you don't care as you kiss him again. You kiss him until you feel breathless. Then you look at him, still high from your orgasm.

“I think I should’ve been the one to say that.”

“I missed you so much.” He repeats as he pushes inside you,

“Oh fuck.” It feels so good, even better than you remembered. “I missed you, too!” You sound breathless.

“I fucked my fist a thousand times thinking about you.” Hearing that turns you on even more.

“Yeah?” So you weren’t alone because you thought about him. Only him. “I imagined my dildo was your cock like a thousand times, too.”

Bucky's thrusts are finally getting faster. “Yeah? Was it good?”

“Some great some underwhelming orgasms. Yours?” You wanna know so badly.

“Nothing can compare to your pussy.”

“Not even another pussy?” You want to push him, so you don’t hold back your question.

He grabs your face. “I'm inside yours right now and you wanna talk about other women?”

“You know what I want to hear.” And it’s definitely not other women.

Bucky's eyes soften a little as he kisses your nose. “I haven't been with anyone else. And no pussy can compare to yours. No one can compare to you, stubborn little baby.”

You don’t feel any shame when a loud moan escapes your lips. That’s exactly what you wanted to hear.

“Harder?”

“Whatever you want.” It’s like your mind suddenly switched off.

Bucky brings his vibranium hand to your mouth. “Suck then.”

You don’t say anything, you just wrap your lips around his finger and start sucking.

“Good girl.” He starts thrusting a little harder, enjoying the way you look so out of your mind. “My good girl, taking my cock so well. Did you miss it so much?”

You wanna say something, but your mouth is occupied. So you moan instead.

“A fucking sight.” He groans, taking his thumb out of your mouth despite your protests. “Never letting you go.”

“Oh, you finally made up your mind,” you say in a mocking tone.

“Gonna choke you with my cock next and we'll… fuck! see if you'll mock me then, too.”

“You can choke me now, you know.”

Bucky brings his flesh hand to your neck instantly and you frown. As much as you enjoy him finally slowly returning to his own habits, he's still being careful.

“Really?” Your eyebrow raises automatically.

“What?”

“If you’re gonna hold back, maybe we shouldn’t do this.”

He sighs. “It's been a while, I don't want to hurt you.”

“Can you even hurt me?”

Bucky stops mid-thrust and raises his eyebrow. “What?”

“I think you might be getting old. Or maybe the serum is wearing off.”

You didn't expect him to bite it so quickly, but he does, grabbing your thighs and finally fucking you harder. “Gonna make you scream.”

“You are definitely getting old.,” you say half breathless.

“I won't make you bleed, baby. We can go harder than this after you get used to having sex with me constantly again.”

“I meant your memory.” He’s going really fast and it makes it harder to speak. “You forgot what I asked for.”

“Want me to choke you?” He moans, realizing what you mean. “Beg for it.”

“Just choke me, old man.”

He says something, but you don't understand what, and when you feel the cold metal on your neck, you don't even care. You close your eyes in pleasure.

“Like this? Is this what you want?”

“Yeah.” The words barely leave your lips. It feels amazing.

“No dildo can replace my cock, can it?”

“No.” You shake your head. “Nothing can.”

“No other man, either, right?” You feel his wet kiss on your neck. “No other super soldier. Not Steve.”

“Steve?” You can’t believe he’s actually asking this. Is he that jealous?

“No one else.”

You grab him by the hair and force him to look at you while you speak. “I don’t want anyone else. Do you hear me?”

Bucky smiles. “I don't hear you. Can you repeat it?”

“You bastard!” You smack his chest with a big smile.

“Bastard?” Bucky laughs, slowing his thrusts.

“Old bastard.” You laugh with him.

“Fuck, I'm gonna make your ass red.”

“Make me come first,” you say in a challenging tone.

He squeezes the sides of your neck a little harder than before and the pressure makes you dizzy in the best way. “You're so wet for me. So fucking wet and perfect for my cock.”

Your mouth opens but nothing comes out. No words, not even moan. Bucky smiles when he feels your whole body trembling and a few of his hair strands fall all over his face. His flesh hand goes to your clit, circling it a couple of times in the middle of your orgasm.

“Oh my fucking god…” You murmur. It’s like your whole body is electrocuted.

“Can you take my come, baby?” He asks squeezing your neck a little more. “Gonna give it to you. Gonna...”

“Yes, please.” It is like a whisper, but you know he can hear you. “Please.”

That's all it takes for him to come. And come. And come. A lot, you can feel it filling you and probably dripping out on the couch because there's so much come. You kiss his forehead and hair, anything you can, still feeling out of this world. It's like you could fly.

You missed this... Feeling like being one with him. Sharing this high. It feels you with all kinds of emotions.

“God, I missed this.”.

“Of course you did.” You giggle.

“Did you not?” He fishes once again before bringing his head to your boobs and licking all over them.

“Fuckkk.” Your laugh turns into moaning. You want to push your breasts more into his mouth. “You have no idea how much I missed you.”

He sucks your right nipple in return. “Ihm.”

“If you keep sucking it I might come again.”

Bucky sucks even more, bringing his vibranium to your other breast.

“Move your hand on my clit,” you say after moaning loudly.

He does it quickly, making sure to tickle you before finally touching your clit. You giggle first, then moan when you feel his mouth sucking on your nipple while his fingers work on your clit. You close your eyes and let yourself enjoy this double stimulation.

“So soft.” You can barely understand what he says while still sucking. You take a sharp breath when your legs start to tremble. He's enjoying every single whimper of yours as he keeps moving his mouth and hand at the same time.

You love hearing the sounds he makes while sucking on your nipple. You run your hands through his hair and enjoy your high to the fullest until it feels too much. You grab his hair and move his mouth away from you.

“That’s… that’s… enough.”

“Why?” He sounds like a little kid.

“I’m… sensitive.”

Bucky takes his mouth off immediately with a pop and kisses you as an apology. You tremble under his touch once again, sighing right after it.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” It’s obvious that you don’t mind. You sound content and satisfied.

He completely gets out of you too while licking his finger. “Gonna get you a towel and a glass of water. And a blanket.”

“Why a blanket?” You look at him confused while Bucky stands up hesitatingly

“For you...”

“Did you sell your bed or something? Are we sleeping here?” You joke.

“I was gonna make you some fries...”

“Fries?” You straighten up a little, surprised.

“Yep. I think I have some pickles, too.”

“Okay.” A warm smile spreads on your face. This is the Bucky you remember. He smiles, too, and goes to the bathroom probably, but you hear his chuckle anyway.

“Come on, one more.” You try to force the fry inside his mouth, but he's a stubborn man.

“They are for you, baby. Eat!”

“If they are for me, I decide what happens to them and I want you to eat one more.”

Bucky rolls his eyes but takes the fry anyway. “Happy?”

“Very.” You take another fry and start chewing. “You know we should talk, right?”

“Well aware, yes.”

“Are we gonna or…” You’re hesitant because it feels good to be like this with Bucky after a long time, but you also know you should be talking and sorting things out.

“I was waiting for you to start.”

“The problem is I don’t know what to say.” Or where to begin. You feel like you’ve already said everything. Or better yet, you screamed it to his face.

“What do you want to know?”

“Are we trying again or are you gonna say this was a mistake?” It’s at the back of your mind. The fear of him leaving again…

“This could never be a mistake, love. I was simply trying to protect you the best way I knew. I will protect you.” He sounds genuine, but it doesn’t change how you feel.

“If you leave me again, it doesn’t matter why, you won’t have another chance.” Your tone is more serious than before. You want him to understand this. You can’t keep playing this back-and-forth game over and over again. You don’t believe in second chances, but this is an exception. The only exception you are ever willing to make because you understand his intentions, how his mind works, how his trauma still hits him. Dealing with Hydra again is a scary thing. You can’t imagine how he felt when he found out.

He looks at you so proud. “I know. I am lucky I got another chance in the first place. I am not even worth it.”

“Stop with the self-degrading talk, will you? I can’t stand it.” You always hated the way he talked about himself. He’s worth everything.

“But it's the truth.”

“I can’t believe you went back where you started the moment you left me. The self-degrading talk, sleeping on the floor…” It bothers you so much, like it’s somehow your fault, but you know it isn’t.

Bucky closes his eyes. He's not proud of it, but there is nothing he could have done to control it. “I am a lost case, I know.”

“Bucky,” you say in a surprisingly firm tone, and he opens his eyes back. “You’re worth everything, but you gotta believe it yourself first. I can’t magically make you see how wonderful you are. I don’t have that kind of power.”

“Sometimes I feel it, but sometimes... there are some really hard days, you know?” He sighs. “The past I had, my Winter Soldier past, too, the mess... it's hard to believe I deserve some kind of peace, but I'm trying.”

You know he is.

“You are a wonderful person, especially when you are not an asshole who thinks he knows the best for everyone.”

“I'm a super soldier, remember? I'm used to making these kinds of decisions.” He gives you a small guilty smile.

“You know what soldiers are meant to do right?” You quickly continue without waiting for an answer. “It’s definitely not making decisions.”

“No?”

“No. Good soldiers follow orders.”

He smiles. “I'm a bad one, don't you know? The worst soldier.”

“Until further notice you are not allowed to make decisions.”

“It's not that simple.”

“No, it’s pretty simple. Don’t tire that beautiful head of yours. It’s not meant to make decisions anyway.” You try to sound like a 40s husband on purpose.

Bucky's head snaps to you. “You sound like my grandfather.”

“So you are familiar how this works.” You finally give him a smile.

“I'm gonna take care of you. No one will hurt you.” He still doesn’t get it, so you decide to explain.

“You will do whatever I say until I trust you to make your own decisions.” Your voice is firm. You don’t like it, to be honest, because you know this is super hard, especially for someone like him... giving away the control knowing everything he's been through, but what choice do you have?

Bucky frowns. “What does that mean?”

“It means if you want me back, you will let me decide on things for a while. You took my choice away and made us both suffer. Letting me decide is how you earn my trust back.”

His stomach aches. “I don't feel... what does that mean? There are many things, I can't just...”

You can see the panic so clearly and you realize how this must have sounded. “Calm down, Bucky. I don’t mean everything. Just things about our relationship.”

“Your safety is off the table,” he says without hesitation, and you’re surprised he doesn’t protest about something else. “You can decide on everything else.”

“Nope. That’s what got us here.” You sound calm.

“You don't understand the level of the danger.” His voice is trembling. “Everything but your safety.”

“You fucking left me over this, Bucky!” You raise your voice a little because what if he finds another Hydra member and tries to leave you again? “How can I trust you and accept this? How can I know you won’t do it again and say it is for my safety?”

“Conditions. Name them all, I am up for it, but I cannot play around with this. I couldn’t sleep for weeks because of it. Please... I need to be in control just in this aspect. I need to protect you.”

You think for a second. “You talk to me first. That’s the condition.”

Bucky leans in and steals your fry, agreeing happily immediately. “Done.”

“And you need to respect my decisions. Even if you don’t like them. I don’t like yours all the time, but…”

“When did I not respect your decisions? I think you are very bright and rational, usually.”

“When you didn’t even ask me and took a decision for me.” You look into his eyes daringly.

“Would you have stayed away from me? And I said usually.”

“I wouldn’t and it would be my decision.” He can’t use this against you.

“Why?”

“I could hide, I could act like we aren’t together, I could act like I hate you, but I can’t stay away.”

“We could never act.” He kisses your forehead.

“Fine. We could only see each other in secret then.” That was another possibility.

He smiles like what you said reminds him of something. “When can we have a date?”

“Tomorrow?”

“I hope you won't change your mind.” He grabs your head and you squeeze it.

“I won’t ever change my mind about you.”

You kiss him before placing the plate on the coffee table and resting your head on his chest where it feels like home.

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes y/n #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes one shot #sebastian stan #marvel fanfiction #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader smut #my stories #co written with marvelouslizzie #my fanfics

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mapoeggplant · 2 months

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skip to loafer chapter 60 analysis and brief character study on shima // spoilers

a light and fun chapter that hides something between the lines: how frankenstein's loneliness and revolt becomes a mirror for shima's feelings

(since the translation is very fresh, very very close to the release of the chapter, i will try to use the raws more. this is a way to make you curious to read the translation and also to support sensei in a way! hope you guys understand)

it's actually funny how much i'm surprised by every skip to loafer chapter. of course, some things i feel were expected to happen, but others appear suddenly and drive me completely crazy — that's the gift of takamatsu, who’s able to have fun with her own characters to the point of unfolding a delicate writing, that's much deeper than it appears to be.

i think it's cute and fun how shima's jealousy starts to be used as a comic relief in the story. it's something very innocent, which doesn't harm either party, but rather makes something new bubble up inside him, a feeling he wasn't familiar with before. he knows how it hurts to see mitsumi with other people and how he wants to be close to her, but he still doesn't have the necessary repertoire to express exactly what he feels.

and then, to add an additional element to the plot, sensei chooses frankenstein as the play for the school festival, shima's second great performance. she chooses a story of loneliness and desire, of a monster made of scraps of other people who tirelessly seeks his space in the world while being denied by his own creator — doesn't that sound a little familiar to you?

shima is, whether we like it or not, a fragment of other people's expectations. he is everything his mother wanted him to be, but also his broken expectations. he’s also made up of all the desires he represses and the times he was used by people as an object to be displayed. shima is a monster made of other people's expectations who seeks in other people's warmth a way to find a cure for his own loneliness.

and this ends up being even more explicit when he shows that he is truly happy and fulfilled when acting in the play. for the first time, he's not doing this for his mother or any adult's validation: he's doing it in the name of himself, his wants and his own way. he is slowly making peace with acting and his complex feelings surrounding it.

but, like it or not, shima still hasn't gotten rid of all his traumas, and this becomes slightly clear when sensei chooses to make a game with the lines of two different characters: shima and his internal monologue versus ujiie, a person who has slowly been causing him some complex feelings.

"i thought to myself it would be nice if i could perform this role better than anyone else" followed by "isn't that the bare minimum?". it's as if ujiie, unintentionally and through no fault of his own, was embodying a mixture of shima's personal ghosts and all the expectations that were thrown at him throughout his life.

isn't that the bare minimum? you've lived your whole life playing the role of someone who wasn't you, of a puppet. so...isn't that the least you could do? facing the scientist who created the monster, wouldn't that be a way of being able to face everything that was built in its place?

i think it's beautiful the way that sensei plays between shima's old feelings and these new ones that he's been discovering little by little. yes, he is finding happiness in acting again, finding his space in the world, but he is also developing a new feeling that he has never felt for anyone before. seeing mitsumi surrounded by so many other people gives him a somewhat irritating itch, which he himself doesn't know how to resolve — after all, he's a teenager, no teenager really knows how to resolve such complex feelings.

this makes him expose his neediness. seeing mitsumi, the girl he likes so much, surrounded by people who aren't him, makes him act like a needy teenager who doesn't know how to ask for attention.

different from what the girls thought at first, i don't think shima tried, in any way, to manipulate mitsumi. i really agree with yasaka on this part and i'll add even more: i believe that even he doesn't really know what he's doing. not even he knows exactly how he feels about mitsumi. but what he feels, at the moment, is an enormous desire to be with her and have her all to himself. he just needs to find a way to express his feelings in a clearer and more rational way (but i think that will take a while). It’s almost like the monster on his journey to find his beloved.

now about the other parts of the chapter: seeing the girls come together to discuss something that mitsumi was so afraid to tell before makes my heart fill with joy. seeing a group of girls so unique, so concerned about each other and so comfortable opening their hearts to each other makes me happy in a surreal way. i love, love, love the way in which sensei develops their friendship and how she always, always tries to show how much the girls are willing to help mitsumi even without knowing exactly how.

reading "yeah, none of us have that much experience with dating" is so cute to me. they are teenagers, they are also, for the first time, facing a wave of new feelings, new challenges — and the great luck is that they have each other to support and seek help.

i'm also very happy how yazaka is, little by little, gaining new friends and opening up more. i confess that in the past i didn't know exactly how to interpret her character, but now i want her to get more and more involved with girls. she deserves to have a group of friends who count on her to express doubts and seek help, just as she also needs that same support system.

well, as the girls said "all we can do is watch over them" and that's exactly all we can do too. i believe that this journey of self-discovery, for both shima and mitsumi, still has a long way to go and i think this is extremely special. this just shows how much they both love each other as people and are willing to try to meet each other halfway so that all their feelings are equalized.

once again, we have an amazing chapter in our hands. sensei keeps getting better and better, surprising us every damn time. i'm just so happy to be able to read such beautiful story and lucky to experience all of this. we're so damn lucky. remember: please support sensei if you can, by buying the chapters (via comic days or the online version of the magazine or the volumes). thank you SO MUCH for reading!! will love to discuss more with you all 💛

#skip to loafer #skip and loafer #skip to loafer chapter 60 #skip to loafer spoiler #skip and loafer spoilers #stl spoilers #A SHIMA CHAPTER IS A ME CHAPTER #I COULD ANALYZE THE SHIT OUT OF HIM FOR DAYS #MY BABY MY SON #I LOVE HIM SM #AND I LOVE FEMALE FRIENDSHIP SO MUCH #TAKAMATSU THE GENIUS YOU ARE #duckmetas

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idkwhatimd0ingatall · 4 months

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Victors First Birthday Story Translation

Big thank you to @valnyte!

// is an alternate translation ----- are breaks i created to pace myself T/N- first time adding pics so ignore how bad it might seem hopefully the translation was good enough! ALSO storyteller/fairytale writer are the same in this story. i just forgot to change it. sorry about the repeat sentences, was rushing this

The dark night was my friend, and death was myself.

I will walk, walk and walk in the dark again today.

And suddenly, I look back.

See, there lies a blood-soaked, happy face of death.

Kate: Victor, Harrison lent me a book the other day. So.........

I handle my responsibilities/job, while Kate takes on the role of a storyteller.

Listening to Kate's stories while working together in the office is becoming a part of my daily routine.

(......You look like you’re having fun. Kate has become a full-fledged member of the Crown, hasn't she?)

Kate: Yes, that's right. It's about Marianne, the maid we discussed the other day.

Victor: Oh, in that case, give her some time off. It's important for her to meet her lover who is far away.

When I conveyed that the matter we discussed has been resolved, she blinked her eyes in surprise.

Kate: Victor, when do you sleep…?

Victor: When?

Kate: I understand you have an overwhelming amount of work. It seems like something I could never handle.

Kate: Even so, you promptly addressed the matter I consulted you about...

Victor: Oh~ Could it be that you're complimenting me? Well, that makes me happy!

Victor: But, unfortunately, even I need to sleep, and as a human, there's a limit to time.

//But unfortunately I sleep, and as long as I'm human, my time is limited.

Victor: Your consultation held an exceptionally high priority, you know.

Kate: …..Thank you, Victor.

Victor: The feeling is mutual. Thank you, Kate, for looking out for the kids working here.

Kate: And... if I'm misunderstanding/wrong, please disregard it.

Victor: ...Huh?

Kate: Victor, was there something that seemed to be bothering you?

Kate: Things that could cloud Victor's heart...

(This one/child truly has a keen eye for people, doesn’t she?)

Honest eyes deserve honest answers.

Victor: Tonight, William and I are embarking on a mission, but it's not a particularly pleasant one, I must say.

There's a story going around about a group that worships Her Majesty the Queen, essentially treating her as a deity.

(People are free to believe in what they want. We, as the Crown, have no right to condemn that. However..)

It appears that this organization kidnaps and imprisons women as idols, and if they are not considered worthy vessels for Her Majesty, they are killed.

//The group is said to kidnap and imprison women as idols and kill them if they are not worthy of Her Majesty.

Victor: Tonight, we will proceed with the investigation, and if they are found guilty, we will deliver judgment in the name of evil.

//Tonight, we'll intensify the investigation. If they are guilty, we'll bring judgment in the darkness.

Kate: ...Committing murder in the name of their worship.

Victor: Kate, there's a possibility that this mission might not be pleasant for you either. So--

Before I could finish my sentence, Kate responded with a determined look in her eyes.

Kate: Victor, would you allow me to accompany you as a storyteller?

Believing that above all, we should respect her will, that night, we infiltrated the organization's stronghold.

William: Belongings of the missing, bloodstains, and then a body was discovered. There's no way to deny it.

Kate: This case is... deserving of condemnation, isn't it?

//This case is... in black, isn't it?

(Tommy Yeager, a noble. Leah Rodriguez, a legislator. Kevin Nicholson...)

(Quite a lineup/assemblage of influential figures, isn't it?)

In times of insatiable greed, those in power liken the queen to a deity and seem to have wishes they want her to fulfill.

William: Tonight, I can speculate that the ritual is taking place in two locations. Either on the upper floor of this mansion or in the basement.

Victor: I'll go to the basement with Kate. Let's head there immediately to prevent further victims.

Kate: Yes...

William: Victor, how much mercy tonight?

Victor: None needed. Their actions deserve condemnation. Loyalty to your wickedness, William.

Kate, I didn't want to show her too much of the horrific scene, praying that this wasn't the 'right' place…

(Ah, I see. It seems like the basement is the 'right' place.)

In the basement, there was an altar-like structure with flickering candlelight. People wearing masquerade-like masks surrounded the altar, and at its center lay a young girl who seemed barely of age.

(So, that's the 'replacement' for the queen. ...Truly grotesque.)

I noticed a man attempting to lower a candle onto the girl's arm, and without hesitation, I took a step forward.

However, Kate moved before me.

Kate: ............no, stop!

The red-haired man with a mask: W-who is this girl! Let go, let go...

Kate: Please stay away from her!... Kyaa!

It happened in an instant, and Kate, who was pushed away, collided with the altar and collapsed on the spot.

Victor: Kate...? Kate...?

(It's okay, she's breathing. She just passed out...)

---In the moment of her collapse, something seemed to have rolled and fallen near Kate.

(...Ah, this is...)

*******FLASHBACK*****************

Victor: Kate, tonight you were supposed to accompany Elbert and Roger on a mission.

Kate: Yes, I'm not used to it yet, so I hope I won't be a hindrance.

Victor: I see. Then, take this.

Kate: A cameo hairpin?

Victor: May it protect you from danger.

Kate: Hehe, it feels reassuring that you've always been there to protect me.

Kate: Thank you, Victor! I'll be going now.

*******FLASHBACK ENDS********************

(...The thing I gave you when you first came to the Crown, isn't it?)

With closed eyes, Kate and the girl lying on the altar, and those who had died, the reasons for not holding back tonight were ample.

Red-haired masked man: Hah, because you disturbed our sacred ritual!

Black-haired masked man: Hey, wait... This gentleman...

Black-haired masked man: Isn't that Lord Victor?

Freckled masked man: Really! Why is His Excellency, the right hand of the queen, here?

While looking at the eerie individuals with masks, focus is on one of them.

Victor: You're the one who pushed this girl, aren't you?

Red-haired masked man: Y-yes... It was me, Lord Victor.

Victor: As I command you. Pledge your allegiance to evil.

//Let it be commanded in the name of death. Now, it's time for death to come for you.

The man's eyes gaze into the void, and his expression becomes euphoric.

Red-haired masked man: Ah... It feels so wonderful. I... I...

The man reaches for his own neck and tightens it, ending his life.

Black-haired masked man: He's... dead...? Why did he... commit suicide...?

Looking at the bewildered men, I focus on one.

Victor: ...Starting from the right, say your names.

Black-haired masked man: Tommy Jaeger... Ugh...

Another death command.

Freckled masked man: Leah Rodriguez. Ah, I... Ah!

Another death command.

Finally, what remained was silence and the serene faces of those who died, as if having beautiful dreams.

William: Is it settled? It seems I won't have a chance to step in.

Victor: Yes, Will. The 'target' was here.

//Yes, Will. The correct location was here.

William: As always, they seem happy in death. As if invited by a god.

(A god, huh?)

As if emphasizing that "Queen Majesty" is not a god.

Victor: ......Humans can never become gods.

William: If you say so, it must be true.

William quietly smiles and lifts the girl on the altar.

William: This girl is mine. I'll leave Kate to you.

William: Considering your anger, it seems Kate is involved.

Returning to the castle, Kate was examined by Roger, and he mentioned that she would wake up soon.

Gently placing the unconscious Kate on her bed.

(Kate. I'm truly relieved that nothing happened to you.)

While looking at Katel's face, I recall the night we first met.

I suggested the position of a fairytale writer to her, partly on a whim,

and partly because I expected it to bring change to the Crown.

Although they are different types, all the Crown members are strong.

That's why I believe that "change brought on by others" is necessary.

People become stronger with the presence of others.

(That change will guide those children to even more beautiful evil/wickedness, I thought.)

I watched Kate from a distance, or at least that was the plan,

(You, without me realizing it, seemed to have brought change to me as well.)

As William said, when Kate was hurt, anger surged within me.

Vividly, truly... human-like emotions

(When you're around, I feel like I'm pulled from being a spectator to being involved.)

(But)

Gently placing the cameo hairpin back in Kate's hair

(No matter how cute you are, I must remain "Assistant to the Queen Victor," by your side as a guardian)

(Beyond that or less than that is not allowed)

//(Not more, not less)

Because if not, my darkness, death, would engulf/swallow her.

I give her hair a gentlemanly kiss.

Victor: Consider it a bad dream of one night and forget everything. Nightmares and death won't chase after you because of me.

Victor: ...Goodnight, Kate.

The next day, when Kate woke up, she rushed to apologize to me.

Kate: I'm sorry, Victor. It's because I rushed out without thinking...

(Don't worry, even if I say not to, you'll still worry.)

//(Don't worry, even if you say that, you'll still be concerned.)

(Oh, that's right. If that's the case,)

Victor: Kate, why don't we have lunch together?

Victor: Ah, today was a lonely lunchtime for me, so I'm glad you're here.

Kate: Is this to make up for last night?

Victor: Of course. Sharing a delicious meal with someone is one of my joys.

Kate: Hehe, then I'm relieved.

(Oh, finally your wonderful smile is back.)

--Suddenly, a fine rain starts to fall above us.

Victor: It's just a passing shower. Kate, come here. Let's go to that gazebo over there.

Kate: Y-yes...

(Well, that surprised me. London's rain is so unpredictable.)

Victor: Kate, are you okay—

Before I could ask, Kate wiped my cheeks with her own palm.

Kate: I'm fine. Besides, Victor...

Victor: ............

Kate's palm, which is more concerned about me getting wet than herself, is incredibly gentle.

It's like rain falling softly from a clear sky, and it once again brings change to my heart.

Kate: Besides, Victor...

Kate: There's something Liam wanted to give you. He was searching, saying he had to give it to you yesterday.

(Oh...)

Victor: Yesterday was my birthday.

Kate: ......Eh?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kate: Eh!?

She seems to be the most surprised she's ever been since we met, making me laugh.

(It was just going to make her worry, so I didn't plan on revealing it myself.)

Kate: I'm sorry. I didn't know, and I didn't prepare any presents...

Victor: Haha, it's okay. I already bought it, Kate.

Kate: ?

Victor: Yesterday, you spent the entire day with me.

Victor: I wanted to respect your will, but deep down, I may have also wanted the childish desire for you to be with me on my birthday.

Victor: ...So, thank you, Kate.

Kate smiles and looks up at the sky, where the rain has stopped.

Kate: ...Hey, Victor. I'll become stronger, more and more.

Victor: Why is that?

Kate: I'm sure you'll protect me from something again. But... even if I'm weak...

Kate mutters that there are many things in this world that she doesn't need to know.

And she adds, "But, if it's you, Victor, I want to know everything. And..."

Kate: When you're going through a tough time, I don't want to just laugh and pretend I didn't know anything.

She laughs and looks at me, captivating me with those words.

Crown and I were changed, not just because of the changes she brought.

Kate herself is changing, becoming more beautiful with every blink.

(...She's like a spring storm)

I wonder if, one day, I'll be caught up in this storm and reveal the truth to her.

(But, for now)

Victor: Don't hurry too much to become strong, Kate. I might get lonely.

(Just a little longer, like this)

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