on a personal quest to make Bad Art™ right now (mostly lyrics but also just aimless sketching like i haven’t done in nearly a decade) and honestly it fucking slaps

unholy, unholy, unholy

Pairing: Cardinal Copia x f!Reader (Curator!Reader)

Rating: EXPLICIT, MDNI

Tags: the ministry being the catholic church's evil twin, manipulation, masturbation, confession, copia lowkey being a desperate little sex freak my beloved

Words: 5,153

Summary: You really walked right into this, you tell yourself. You can't even be mad at Copia for suggesting it.

a/n: can't believe the last thing i wrote for these losers was at christmas...damn. anyway you know how i like my non-chronological shit so this takes place somewhere in between take me apart and satan baby. i'm not done making these two dance around their feelings just yet.

divider by @gothdaddyissues!

“Jesus fucking Christ Almighty.”

You slam your office door shut with your hip and Cardinal Copia turns to look at you from his seat.

“Need help?”

With a grunt and a shake of your head you walk past him and set the bag of food down on your desk, heaving a deep sigh.

“Had to go on a fucking scavenger hunt because the goddamn DoorDash driver left the bag with a maintenance worker, who gave it to one of Terzo’s ghouls, who left it in a stairwell for some reason…don’t ask me how I managed to find it because fuck if I know.”

Dramatically you flop into your desk chair and give your lunch companion a look as he begins to sort out your meals with a smile.

“You know you eh…take the Lord’s name in vain quite a bit for someone who wasn’t raised in religion.”

When he passes your container of Pad see ew to you, you grin.

“Ehhh you know, the perils of being raised in a predominantly Christian society. It’s funny, the first time I said ‘Jesus Christ’ I was maybe…I don’t know nine? Ten? And my mom tersely told me ‘don’t say that’ to which I replied ‘why not?’ I don’t think she knew how to answer that question in a way that would make me care, you know? I had gone all my little life not giving a shit about Jesus, why would I now?”

Copia chuckles and cracks open his own takeaway box.

“Ah cara, you continue to stray further and further from God’s light every day. Thank Sathanas for that, hmm?”

With a smile, you clink your soda can against his and dig into your meal.

“You ever think about how fascinating your religion is, Copia?”

You prop your feet up on your desk as Copia delicately picks noodles out of his box with chopsticks. 

“Eh, how do you mean?”

“Like…you’re a Satanic cardinal. You’ve sworn your life to uphold the tenets of Satanism. You…we live at a massive complex dedicated to Satan. One of many complexes throughout the world, apparently. And yet, barely anyone knows of the Ministry’s existence. It’s wild, really.”

He makes a thoughtful noise as he chews on a particularly crunchy piece of bok choy.

“Ah, well,” he begins, setting his chopsticks down and reaching for the soda resting on the desk, “we’re trying to change that. In…subtle ways.”

“Mmm, the Ghost project.”

“Sì, the idea is we use Papa to spread our message through music - something that is accessible to many people.”

“With the hopes that you and your evil brethren can dominate the globe?” you say, scrunching your nose playfully and giving him a big wink.

“Something like that,” he smiles wryly.

“Well I’ve listened to some of the project’s music and I gotta say…big fan. I think your sinister subliminal messaging is working on me.”

“Oh?” he asks, setting down his food in order to cross his legs and give you a curious stare. “Tell me more, cara. Do I have a future sister of sin on my hands?”

You close your eyes and laugh, missing the hungry way the Cardinal watches the line of your throat as your head tilts back.

“Maybe…let’s just say I’m intrigued. How could I not be when I’m surrounded by it all the time?”

He nods, resting a gloved hand on his knee and straightening his cassock.

“Perhaps…”

You fix him with a look you know will make him lose his train of thought for a moment. Positively wicked.

“Perhaps…?”

“Perhaps,” he clears his throat, eyes darting away from yours, “you would like to attend one of our services?”

You nod gamely. 

“Is a super cool and hip youth pastor going to tell me about the ways the Devil cares about me unconditionally?”

He rolls his eyes and fixes you with an unamused stare.

“Very funny, dolcezza. Would you prefer that I have you sit with Papa Nihil while he explains the history of the Emeritus bloodline?”

You balk. The wizened Papa had a distinct dislike of you for some odd reason. You often wonder how he manages to give you such dirty looks through his cloudy eyes. You didn’t particularly care, however, as you saw the way he constantly brushed off and mistreated Copia during staff meetings. Nihil irked you to no end, no matter how much Sister Imperator liked him.

“Alright, fine, sorry. I only jest to get a rise out of you, I know how important your religion is to you. And hey, anything that has the drama and aesthetics of the Catholic Church without all the guilt and trauma has my full attention. Please don’t be mad.”

He grunts but you see the way his mustache twitches as he fights back a smile. You flutter your eyelashes a little and in a moment of boldness, take your lower lip between your teeth. The way his mismatched eyes dart to your mouth and his jaw hangs open makes you giddy.

“I’m–,” his voice comes out as a hoarse rasp, “I forgive you, cara.”

“Thank you for absolving me of my sins, Your Eminence.”

He has to know you’re doing this on purpose at this point. You’re not sure what has gotten into you today but something about the way he stares at you now makes you want to grab him by his pellegrina and haul him over your desk for a sloppy kiss. There’s a heavy tension between the two of you, not for the first time, as if all one of you needs to do is take a step forward and all hell would break loose.

“So, you want me to go to a service? What like black mass? Unholy baptism? Virgin sacrifice?”

The spell is broken and briefly your swagger flickers, wondering if you’ve crossed a line.

“Eh, maybe someday but your statement about sin made me think…perhaps confession would be more suited to you?”

Now your jaw falls open and you can feel your cheeks light up as he watches you with a smirk toying at the corners of his mouth. The tables have turned and now you’re the one left speechless.

“O-oh?” you ask, voice a little higher than normal, “so if Catholic confession is about getting your sins forgiven, then Satanic confession is…having your sins…celebrated?”

“Corretto,” he says with a generous nod, “we’ll go through each one in ah…intimate detail.”

“We?” you squeak out, stomach dropping severely, “I hadn’t realized that you would be presiding.”

“Oh sì,” he says, the smirk on his face positively devilish, “although if you’d prefer someone else…”

“No,” you say just a little too quickly, your heart pounding, “I…I don’t know how much sinning I really get up to. I’ll probably bore you to tears.”

“You might be surprised, dolcezza,” Christ the nickname sounds devious on his lips right now, “What is it they say? ‘Still waters run deep’?”

Your laugh comes out just a little too loud and unnatural and you kick yourself.

“Ha…right. We…we should probably get back to this cataloging or Sister Imperator is going to publicly execute me.”

The rest of the afternoon proceeds normally, with the two of you diligently organizing the abbey’s collection of illuminated manuscripts. When you finally part, he gives you the date, time, and directions to the chapel where the confession booth is located.

“Cara,” he murmurs as you begin to walk away, “you don’t have to do this.”

You give him a half-smile and shake your head.

“I think it will be good for me,” you say, hands behind your back as you rock onto your heels, “and besides, how could I say no to spending an evening with you?”

You make sure not to turn away until you see the full breadth of his dazed expression and by the time your back is to him and you’re walking away, there’s a loopy grin on your face. It’s not til you turn the corner and reach the staircase to your quarters the full realization of what you’ve agreed to dawns upon you. 

Oh fuck.

You don’t see Copia the next two days between his duties and your own and for that you’re extremely thankful. The date of your confession has arrived and you’re equal parts nauseated and exhilarated. Having never gone to confession of any sort before, you’re not entirely sure what to expect. You’re not ignorant - you’ve seen confession scenes in the media and have heard from friends raised in Catholicism - but what little you do know doesn’t assuage your anxiety. This was Satanic confession. A whole different beast. Your mind conjures images of blood rituals and sacrifices and being on your knees before Copia…his gloved hand tilting your chin upwards to look at him…

Christ Almighty, get your shit together.

You desperately try to, as you sternly told yourself, get your shit together but your mind is clouded the rest of your workday with positively sinful scenes of the two of you. You’re particularly fond of the one where he’s got you in his office, your skirt hiked up over your hips as you bend over his desk and he pushes himself inside you from behind. The thought of his voice in your head, calling you his sweet little nicknames as he fucks into you, makes you practically drip. The final two hours in your office are torture before you’re able to skitter back to your rooms. You’re not meeting with Copia for another few hours and you need to do something about the ache between your thighs. Impatiently, you fumble for the buttons on your blouse with one hand while pushing your skirt off with another. You must look a sight, ripping your bra off and flinging it somewhere on the floor, but all you can think about now is getting to your bed. You almost trip twice in the journey to your room, blindly stumbling over and flinging yourself on the mattress. What has gotten into you? You’ve been horny before, about Copia sure, but this? The way you’re practically whining when your hands meet your bare breasts? You feel positively feral. 

“Copia,” you breathe, fingers pinching at your nipples. You imagine his hands on you, the way the leather would warm as he strokes your soft skin.

Dolcezza. 

Fuck, you can hear it perfectly and it makes you sigh, one of your hands slowly sliding down your body to cup the heat of you. You’re sopping and time feels like it slows as you spread yourself open and slide two fingers against your engorged clit. All of your frantic rushing from earlier ceases as you twitch under your own touch, his name on your lips. You’re so sensitive right now it barely takes anything to bring you over the edge, but, you think as your orgasm wanes, it’s not quite enough. Taking a slow exhale in you slip your fingers lower and tease at your entrance. The digits glide in easily enough with the abundance of slick coming from you and languorously you begin to pump them in and out. Your eyes slide shut and you imagine it’s his dexterous fingers instead, curling inside you so you can feel every stitch and groove of his glove. 

Cara mia, he’d murmur into your ear, so wet for me. So sweet for your Cardinal, eh? You honor me.

The whimpers crawling out of your mouth are getting more frequent and higher in pitch - you know you’re close. You bring your palm flat against yourself to push on your clit as your hips continue to make little circles, driving your fingers deeper in. Your hand is aching but it doesn’t stop you from pulling another orgasm out of yourself, chanting his name. Tears pool in your eyes and slide down your temples as you sob aloud and all of a sudden it’s too much. Your body spasms on the duvet, breath coming in harsh pants as you attempt to slow the thundering of your heart. It’s not the first time you’ve touched yourself to the thought of him, by any means, but something feels…different. More charged. You’re exhausted, bone tired as you try to organize your feelings. Reaching a hand up to rub your face you turn over and look at the clock. 

5:32 PM

Your eyelids are heavy but you manage to lean over the side of your bed and locate your phone to set an alarm. Some sleep would do you good. Clear your head.

You don’t dream.

—------

Cazzo, cazzo, cazzo.

Copia paces back and forth in the small, dimly lit (romantically lit, some would say) chapel. The last sibling of the evening just left and now all that remains is…you. He barely heard what the siblings were telling him this evening, so anxious was he and caught up in the thought of you soon being in their position. More than once his vision went blurry as he imagined you a breath away, separated only by the decorative wooden screen.

He was so eager for you to walk through that door, now he’s not sure. With a heavy sigh through his nose he looks down at his watch.

6:58 PM

You’re always punctual and he counts on tonight being no different. Resigned to his fate, he shuffles over to the confession booth and opens the door, slotting himself inside. Shit, his ass hurts from the hard bench, why in fuck’s name had they not added a cushion to this side like there was on the other? He’s grumbling to himself in Italian when he hears the chapel door squeak open and firmly shut. Your soft footsteps approach - you must be wearing your sneakers and not your boots for the distinct clacking sound he usually hears from you has vanished. He sucks in a breath when he hears you open your side of the booth and quietly shut it. There’s a silence between the two of you so profound that when you finally speak he jumps.

“Hey. You’re in there right?”

He makes a loud, vague noise and sees your shoulders drop through the screen. He can’t get a read on your expression but the anxiety in the air has softened with your posture. 

“Good evening,” he begins, a little stiffly. “Eh, welcome.”

You breathe out heavy through your nose.

“Copia, is this a good idea?”

He pauses and looks down to pull at a loose thread on his cuff.

“Are…are you nervous, cara?”

You let out a soft, self-deprecating laugh.

“Yeah, I’m fucking nervous! I’ve never even been to a regular confession let alone…this.”

“Well, we begin with the ceremonial bloodletting and–”

“Oh fuck off,” you grouse, flicking the screen that separates you. You fall silent after a moment.

“Cara, are you truly that anxious? Because we don’t have to do any–”

“I’m fine, Copia. Really. I don’t know why I'm so worked up. Fear of the unknown, I suppose,” you clear your throat and hears you crack your neck.

“Bene. Shall I go over the process with you? And remember this is a celebration. No shaming. No guilt. No wrong answers.”

You take a deep breath in and he sees you nod.

“I will start with the blessing and then we will go through the seven cardinal sins one by one. You may describe yours as briefly or lengthy as you like and we will venerate them. Once we have finished, I will close with a blessing. Then we will part. Nothing to be nervous about, eh? Are you ready?”

“Yes, please.”

“Very good,” he clears his throat and straightens his shoulders. “In nomine Padre, et Filio, et lo Spiritus Malum…we welcome this most sacred sinner into your embrace that she may revel in her transgressions against God.”

When he addresses you by name, he sees you jump.

“Let us begin with the Original Sin - pride.”

“Okay. Yeah. Pride.” There’s a few seconds of silence before he hears you softly curse. “Sorry, I should have made a list or something.”

“Take your time,” he says with a smile, simply content to be in your presence, “I have nowhere to be, cara. I am right here, ready when you are.”

He can see your eyelashes flutter as you look down and your cheeks bunch in a soft smile. Although mostly obscured, the sight still makes his heart soar. After a minute or so of silence you speak.

“Oh! Okay, uh pride. Well I was going to tell you about this anyway but…you know that little write-up I did of Satanic art in the time of the Counter-Reformation?”

“Naturalmente, it was superb.”

“Thank you. Well I thought it was too so I submitted it to a journal for publishing…and they accepted it.”

He can practically hear your grin and it makes him beam in return.

“Cara mia! Congratulazioni! You deserve nothing less! Although I hope you do not consider it a sin to rightfully celebrate an occasion such as this?”

You sigh.

“Ah, I don’t know. I may have bragged a bit too much to other people in the field. Felt a little too self-satisfied about it. So I think that would count, right?”

He scoffs.

“To Papa Frankie, maybe. To us it is a well-deserved acknowledgement of your hard work and something you have every right to be proud of. Dolcezza, even if you hesitate to celebrate yourself, know that I always will do so for you. Published in a journal, well done cara.”

He may not be able to see it in the low light of the confessional but he can picture your flushed cheeks perfectly in his mind.

“Anything else you would like to say on the matter?”

“No, that’s it.”

“Are you ready for the next?”

“Yes,” you say, with greater confidence, “let’s continue.”

“Onto the next. Envy.”

“Ah,” you seem to deflate a little and his brows knit together, “well about that. This…wow this is embarrassing.”

“No such thing as embarrassing at this moment. It’s a safe space, remember?”

“Right,” you huff, “okay well here it goes then. I see the sisters of sin every day walking around the corridors, working in the library, in the dining hall and…I envy them. I envy their bold confidence in their appearance and their sexuality.”

He’s silent for a moment, weighing whether or not he should say what he’s thinking. But you deserve to hear this.

“Confidence is not only represented by eh, wearing short skirts and high heels. I see you exude it every day when you’re bossing me around, no?”

You bark out a laugh and it lightens his heart.

“Truth be told,” he sighs, reaching up to pinch the bridge of his nose, “I’m not the best person to be taking advice on confidence from. But I know how to recognize it and I see it in you.”

“Thank you,” you murmur so softly he thinks he might have made it up, “can we move on?”

“Si,” he says before clearing his throat, “next one is wrath.”

He hears you suck in a breath through your teeth.

“Oh, I’ve got a good one for this. Well…not good. It wasn’t my best moment. But it definitely fits the bill.”

He makes a noise prompting you to continue.

“You know that new painting that Sister Imperator got at auction? The one of Lilith and Faust? It arrived last week and she asked me to oversee its unboxing. I told all the siblings working with me that once the box was open the painting was to be handled with archival gloves. I had to step out of the room for a second to talk to the head librarian and when I came back…not a glove to be found and the painting was halfway out of its crate. Copia I…I lost my shit. You know me I-I don’t get mad. But the fact that they had disregarded my instruction and got their bare fingers on that canvas, then acted ignorant about the whole thing…Christ, Copia I saw red. I don’t even remember half of what I yelled at them. I had to walk out before I did something I would regret. God, I already regretted raising my voice. I didn’t report them to Sister Imperator but she found out somehow…maybe the librarian? I don’t know what their punishment was but I haven’t seen them since. Copia, it was awful. I was awful.”

“With good reason,” he replies promptly, “they should have respected your authority as a professional in the field and by not doing so not only did they potentially damage Ministry property, but they also embarrassed themselves. Idioti. Though I would have liked to have seen you all riled up.” A confession of his own - Sathanas would he have loved to see you flying at them like a demon, your claws sharp and your words sharper. The thought sends a shiver of arousal down his spine and he takes a moment to gather himself before speaking again.

“Is that all you wish to say?”

“Yes. Can we please move on?”

“Very well. Next is sloth.”

You’re silent for a moment and his heart sinks, hoping you’re not dwelling too much on your last confession. He opens his mouth to speak but you beat him to it.

“Sloth, yeah. I, uh,” you let out a giggle and he’s relieved to hear it, “none of these can get me in trouble with Sister Imperator, right?”

“No,” he says slowly, a grin curling his lips, “this is just between us.”

“Okay good. Do you remember a couple weeks back when I texted you that I wasn’t coming in because I was having a migraine?”

“Sì…”

“I was lying,” the words blurt out of you in a rush but you sound almost gleeful about it, “I was so fucking tired and so cozy in bed and it was raining outside…I just couldn’t do it. Stayed under the covers all day watching Ghost Adventures.”

“Tsk, tsk, tsk,” he playfully chides, and he can see your shoulders shake with laughter, “Signorina I am stunned. Horrified, even–”

“Oh it’s not that bad.”

“Horrified…that you didn’t tell me so I could join you. I love those ghost hunting shows.”

Your laugh makes him smile in return, “Next time we’ll play hooky together, I promise.”

He sighs deeply. “Please. I could use it.”

“I know,” you murmur, “no one in this abbey works as hard as you do.”

“Grazie, tesoro. I appreciate your kindness.”

You make a warm noise of affirmation before speaking, “What’s next?”

“Gluttony.”

“Oh Christ,” you cringe, head falling forward, “Maybe…about a month ago? Primo came by my rooms and handed me a Tupperware container of brownies. Told me to eat one per sitting with a sweet old man smile on his face. I’m not an idiot, I heard what he grows in the abbey gardens but my God the stink that came off of these things. I knew I was about to get my shit rocked. So I ate my designated brownie and just puttered around, cleaning up the kitchen. All of a sudden, I’m flat on the floor in front of my fan having an out of body experience. I don’t know how long I was lying there for but by the time I hauled myself up I was so hungry I thought I was losing it. Went through a box of cereal, a sleeve of Ritz crackers, and the next thing I knew I was in the papas’ kitchen making a bag of popcorn. Don’t remember getting there and don’t remember coming back up to my rooms but the next morning I was tucked in bed. So weird.”

He chuckles nervously as if he wasn’t the one to find you wandering the kitchens stoned out of your gourd and put you there.

“Ha yes…weird. That’s…that’s all you remember?”

“Mmhmm. Talk about the devil’s lettuce. Was pissed I didn’t have any cereal the next morning, though.”

“Let’s move onto the next, hmm?” He’s a little louder than necessary but you don’t question his suspicious behavior.

“Yeah sure. Hit me.”

“Eh, greed.”

“Hmm,” you ponder and he hears the back of your head thunk against the wood of the booth. “Damn, this is a hard one.”

“It usually is, funnily enough. You can always skip it, if you like.”

“No, no, no,” you say, leaning forward, “I’m trying to get the full set, let me cook.”

That actually makes him laugh out loud. How he adores you so.

“Greed, greed, greed,” you mutter to yourself, “Ah…greed would include covetousness, yeah?”

“Mmm, is there something or perhaps…someone you have been coveting?”

It’s a leading question and he knows this as he hears your breath quicken. It’s at this point in his fantasies where you confess your adoration for him, where he flees the confines of his side of the booth to fall to his knees before you and worship you as Sathanas intended. His tongue darts out to wet his lips and he tastes the bitter tang of his paints which distracts him for a moment when he hears you say–

“Yes. There is someone.”

The silence is deafening between the two of you and his heart thuds against his ribcage, desperate for you reach over and tear it from his chest. He flexes his hands, the leather squeaking as the both of you sit with the words.

“O-oh?” he finally manages to stutter. He can see your eyes are shut and hears you loudly swallow.

“I, um,” you begin, “yeah. There is someone I’ve wanted for…a long time. I…I think he–I mean they–might reciprocate but…”

Tell her, you fool.

“Can we do the next one, actually?” your voice is so painfully soft and his stomach drops. She is doing you a kindness, his brain cruelly provides, by not telling you of who she truly wants. A sibling, perhaps. Or perhaps…one of your fratelli. The thought pains him so he nearly doubles over on himself as if being punched in the gut. Pride, envy, wrath, sloth, gluttony, greed.

Lust.

He’s startled by the sound of his own voice and you are too judging from the way you twitch. From his obscured view you look positively horrified, as if you had forgotten about this one.

“I haven’t been with anyone,” you blurt out, sounding both panicked and deeply embarrassed. He hardly recognizes his own voice as he responds with uncharacteristic calmness.

“Lustful acts…do not always have to involve another person.”

Now why the fuck would he say that? He can see your eyes widen and even in the dim light of the confessional he registers the violent blush on your cheeks.

“Oh I…oh.”

You raise a hand up to rub aggressively at your face, breathing deep.

“In that case, yes,” you finally say and his gut clenches, “I have indulged in the sin of lust.”

“A-about the person you covet?” He’s pushing it but he can’t help himself, can’t help the hope that simmers in his belly and makes his pants tighten.

“Mmm…mhmm,” you respond and you open your mouth to speak but hesitate. When you finally do, there’s a new tone to your voice - something low. Sensual.

“It’s…good. Fuck it’s good. When I think about them I-I go a little insane. I want them so fucking badly and it’s so easy to think about them and what they could do to me. What I would let them do to me.”

His fist flies to his mouth to stifle the whine that threatens to escape from him and his cock throbs underneath his cassock. He can feel your eyes on him, see your lips parted and it makes him lightheaded. Focus. Focus. Go over there and fuck her against this goddamned confessional. Focus.

“Sathanas bless you, tesoro,” he finally ekes out, his voice hoarse, “in celebrating your body a-and your desire you have made Him proud. Well done.”

A beat passes until you clear your throat. He thinks if he doesn’t tend to his dick soon he’s going to pass out.

“That’s all of them then, right? Got the full set?”

“Mmhmm. You can go if you like.”

“Didn’t you say there’s another blessing at the end?”

Satan damn your ability to vex him when he needs relief…and you…the most.

“Eh, yes. In nomine Padre, et Filio, e-et lo Spiritus Malum,” Cazzo what was the rest of it? “Ah…Sathanas bless this most sacred sinner for reveling in her transgressions against God. Nema.”

“Cool, well uh. Goodnight Copia. This has been…enlightening.”

“It certainly has,” he mutters under his breath, fingers itching to adjust his bulge. He’s not sure if you heard him or not because in an instant you’ve opened the booth and skittered down the nave to the door. He doesn’t breathe again until he hears you firmly shut it behind you and within seconds he’s fumbling for the hem of his cassock. He knows the likelihood that you were talking about him is slim but simply entertaining the thought that it could be has him unzipping his pants with vicious determination. When his cock finally, blessedly meets leather he could cry with relief. He knows he’s dribbling pre on himself but he doesn’t care - all that matters is the way you sounded confessing your lustful actions to him and how it drives his fist back and forth. Oh, how sweet you were. Tempting even when you weren’t trying to be. How he would revel in ruining you. The thought makes him double over, his unoccupied hand pressed against the wall of the booth in an attempt to stabilize himself. When he thinks of you eagerly spreading yourself open for him a broken moan escapes his lips, hips rutting upwards into his grip. What sweet little noises you would make - right there, Copia, please, that’s it - your body eager to yield to his touch. 

“Dolcezza,” he grits out, “ragazza perfetta mia. S-so good–ah–for y-your Cardinal.”

His hand is a blur as it rockets along his shaft and he grunts into the silent chapel. He thinks of you looking up at him with that heart-shatteringly kind look on your face, your lips in a soft smile and he cries out, his seed painting his grucifix in desperate spurts. His mind is fuzzy but his hand doesn’t slow, determined to wrench every last drop out of himself until his head falls back and hits the wood of the booth. Groggily, he puts himself away and lowers his cassock before stumbling out of the confessional. His spend drips onto the stone floor but it matters little - surely it’s not the first that floor has seen. All of a sudden he’s exhausted - feeling every second of his five decades - as he blows out candle after candle. When his task is complete he trudges to the door and rests his forehead on the wood for a moment. 

He thinks of your smile once more.

what music fits the people you write for?

I have a lot of people that I write for, so for this ask I'll just answer for the Hermits :> (hope you don't mind anon!)

Grian... well, it's kind of hard to articulate the vibes that he gives me. Barely restrained chaos in the form of an unassuming Gremlin? Comedic relief that turns out to be the villain all along? The Fall by half●alive

Mumbo Jumbo... he's just a guy! A guy that wouldn't hesitate to murder, and would do it with a cheerful smile on his face, but a guy all the same! He does give me more nostalgic energy- a Walkman whose songs are almost crunchy in quality because of how many times they've been copied over. Chapstick by COIN

Scar... will inevitably scam you out of something. He’s not actually all that malicious, more like a cartoon villain than anything else, but he’s legitimately good at manipulating people. He has a kind of goofy charisma, an ambition for power and an involvement in things- a talent for living that is more often than not underestimated. Mamma Mia by Austin Webber

Xisuma... is a star burning from a million light years away, whose impression upon our worlds is a pinprick of light in the night sky. He’s ever-present, constant and steady... comforting, to some. For all that he is, though- a leader, a protector, a friend- you could never remove the memory of mystery from his being. Overthinker by INZO

Etho... he’s the ghost of the server. He has an undeniable talent for everything he deigns to put his mind to, as well as the time spent to perfect the skills under his belt, but at the same time he’s not in a rush to show them off. Where other people might train their entire lives just to stand before a cheering crowd, he is proving his worth to nobody other than himself. Wasteland, Baby! by Hozier

Tango... is an interesting mix of one of the most tenacious and talented builders in the server, as well as a littol guy who delights in destruction and hijinks. I mean- he built Decked Out, there’s nothing more I can say for this man other than that he has a kind of mental illness (/j) that would make gods weep. Crazy = Genius by Panic! At The Disco

Impulse... can and will convince everyone that he’s human when, in reality, he’s probably one of the furthest things from it. He just... something about him makes him capable of going to lengths few could even dream of, whether it’s grinding materials or moving his entire goddamn base up by a block. He behaves the most “normally” out of most of the Hermits, but he’s really Not. Adventure Is Out There by AJR

Rendog... is a theater kid who was given the ability to fight God and win, plain and simple. He’s dramatic, he’s stubborn with the stories he wants to tell, and he’s filled with a simple zest for life. It’s only an even bigger bonus that he gets to be able to make his friends laugh with the characters he creates, and what more could a dog want, really? Best Friend by Rex Orange County

DocM77... has no qualms about breaking the fabric of reality itself, not because he actually is a villain, but because, to him, it’s a normal Tuesday afternoon. He’s not a mean or a malicious person- hell, he’s really only antagonistic for the bit! It’s just become second nature for him to play the villain because it’s funny, so why stop? Supermassive Black Hole by Muse

Bdubs... he’s feral, he’s climbing on the walls, he’s going to descend into hell only to come back with a smoothie and one of those tropical shirts that dads wear like he was on vacation. He’s both someone that is hard to take seriously, and a cosmic horror that would melt your mind to fully comprehend. He can and has cried during an argument because he has that many Feelings. Under My Skin by Jukebox The Ghost

please do more backyard au hcs this sounds lovely

PEOPLE AND AGES - Tommy (5) Kindergarten - Techno (11) 6th grade - wilbur (18) Senior - Tubbo (4) Kindergarten - Schlatt (19) Just Graduated, goes to Community college - SapNap (7) First grade - Punz (13) 7th grade - Dream (12) 8th grade - Gogy (15) Sophomore - Ranboo (6) Kindergarten - Fundy (15) Freshman - Niki (16) junior - Puffy (17) Senior - Purpled (5) Kindergarten - Big Q (14) 8th grade - Karl (13) 7th grade ----------------------- SPECIES AND RELATIONSHIPS (put into friend groups) - Tubbo (Ram, Schlatt's son) - Tommy (Racoon) - Ranboo (enderman, kind of a street kid) - Purpled (Purple Sheep, Dream and Puffy's younger brother) - SapNap (Demon, Bad's son, Punz's baby brother)

- Techno (Piglin) - Dream (Ram, Puffy's younger brother) - Punz (demon) - Gogy  (Mooshroom) - Big Q (Duck) - Karl (Parrot hybrid)

- Wilbur (Blue Jay) - Schlatt (Ram) - Puffy (sheep - Schlatt's cousin) - Niki (fish? mermaid?) - Fundy (Fox) ----------------------- I think that Philza minecraft just slowly keeps finding kids in his backyard, and he slowly grows very attached to all of them Just like every afternoon his backyard is FLOODED with kids And he doesn’t understand why he’s the house everyone goes to, but he’ll feed them He just slowly finds himself being really endeared by each of them ------------------- And before he knows it, Phil’s warning SapNap and Ranboo away from the water, and balancing Purpled and Tommy on his hips And he knows all their allergies And all their favorite foods And he’s keeping track of the high schoolers grades, bringing Dream, punz, and techno to their games  ----------------- CARPOOL SOCCER MOM Mr. Philza Minecraft --------------------- Dream: Basketball Punz: Football Techno: Baseball Puffy: Softball Small children: Baby Soccer -------------------------- - Phil keeps track of all of boys'  games and practices. Because goddamn it, these kids deserve some sort of parental guidance - Dream, purpled, and Puffy don’t have present parents - Puffy had to step up to the plate - Ranboo’s a street kid - No one really knows if he has anyone - Bad just chilling in hell ---------------------------- Schlatt is really working himself thin, but he tries hard, he really does And everyone can see how much he loves Tubbo Sometimes Phil will wake up and see schlatt passed out on their couch. He got off at midnight But as soon as he gets home from work, Tubbo is immediately in his Dad’s arms Schlatt animatedly talking to the boy But you can just see how much love he has for his boy He’s just a bit too young to bare the burden alone ------------------------------ And the thing is, is that all of these kids are so like, independent Like Phil just needs to feed them And tend to the youngest ones every so often ------------------------------- I think it’s like musical chairs To see who’s sleeping at Phil’s house in the morning Like - who’s on the couch? An air mattress? Guest bed? Sharing a room with one of his kids? All of the small children like to pile around SapNap, who is also a small child, cause he’s warm Punz also always has children flocking him ------------------------------- Punz is also that teen who throws the kids in the pool he cant go into the water himself, prefering to lay on the grass and in the sun, but he does love just chucking kids in ------------------------------- Phil drives a beat up mini van. It’s baby blue It's always filled to the brim with passengers very dirty many crumbs has balls just thrown in it all the time Footballs, basketballs, baseballs, soccer balls it fucking smells, we all know it does Phil owns like 4 of those kid car seats despite only having one kid in that age group ---------------------------- Also if you couldn't tell Niki basically lives in the pool she's a fish hybrid so its a salt water pool instead of chlorine because its better for Niki --------------------------- Tommy, Tubbo, purpled, Ranboo, and SapNap play baby soccer its the best part of this au It’s so adorable, and Tommy picks at flowers the entire time Sometimes. Ranboo will come and entertain him for a little. Try and get him back in the game. He gives up when Tommy sits down tho Ranboo will more often then not join Tommy cause mmmm grass Tubbo is insanely competitive as a little kid we been knew though When he gets older Tommy gets really into it But as a baby He just chases bugs Plus he’s a raccoon hybrid, so shiny ------------------------ HE HOARDS SHIT UNDER HIS BED IS A MESS he as in fucking baby racoon Tommy whats the word for baby racoon small baby kit Phil 1000% calls him kit BABY RAMS ARE CALLED BUCKS FUCKING EVERYONE CALLS TUBBO "BUCK" THATS SO CUTE IM LOSING MY SHIT Things go lost? Go check tommys room Bermuda Triangle of a bedroom Very much like - Phil has to have a talk with him about it And he’s like “ I know you feel like you have to take them Kit, but they’re not yours” “If you want it, just ask me and I’m

sure we can figure something out.” Tommy also loses interest as soon as he gains it tho Tommy chitters at them They nod liek they understand and go “Uh huh, sounds mighty interesting Kit,” And then they pick him and let him climb around them -------------------------------- So much rough housing like SO much they're hybrids man Tommy also teethes ok. Chews on shit when his canines grow in so does Techno, and SapNap, and Punz (Punz and Techno's canines already grew in though, but they still chew on shit) The rams Rub their heads against stuff Head Itchy ------------------------------- A lot of Phil’s days off are just spent by the babies, just who are growing in hybrid traits He scratches Tubbo, sapnaps, and Puroled heads They’re all growing in horns Gives Tommy things to chew on Purpled. Never gets full horns. They are always little stubs just barely sticking out of his hair. His ears looks more human than ram too. Just for some reason never really grew into his hybrid traits And purple eyes He gets so upset about it too, when Tubbos horns outgrow his, because he’s older He’s a bit different. But it’s like being brunette in a family of blondes. It’s not unheard of He just is tearing up and Phil is just like “oh Bud, come ‘ere” They're like 8 And Tommy just gives Purpled the biggest hug, because Tommy is a sweetheart as a kid ------------------- I think that even the older kids wrestle Like obviously Dream, Techno and the rest of the middle school gang do Because they’re so fucking competitive Dream is so quick to just. Grab someone and wrestle them to the floor No warning But like, you’ll catch Wilbur and Schlatt jumping at each other Or Wilbur throwing Fundy over his shoulder Or anyone just man handling gogy ------------------- Phil gets to a point where he calls them all his kids And asks where they are when they aren’t At his house ------------------------ Puffy bringing them (Dream and Purpled) over after school. They go outside and play. Puffy sighs and collapses at the dining table. Phil silently hands her a coffee. “I’ll keep em busy” he says “you get some homework done” She looks up, and puts her head in her hand, “Dream has basketball practice in an hour” Phil just pats  her on the back. “I got it.” ----------------- Also let’s talk about how much food Phil needs to buy Like even if it’s just lunch That’s like 15 growing boys He can afford it, He just has to watch out for allergies He buys so many fucking snacks man Whole damn store He goes through like crates of those little chip variety packs Tubbo only likes the crunchy Cheetos Tommy likes barbecue Niki likes salt and vinegar Punz likes Doritos He knows which ones they all like I’m just imagining Phil calling out for the kids And they’re like lining out of the kitchen Oldest to youngest so that Phil can help the little ones They can eat anywhere in the yard, but Ohil has the little ones eat at the picnic table They’re all dripping wet from coming out of the pool, and he needs to make sure they eat their fruit and popsicles, they have tons of popsicles. ------------------ Phil totally takes Dad tax Like a chip from every plate And a tatertot from each breakfast very dad of him to do ------------------- Not not Phil kissing each of their foreheads goodbye And “drive safe” And “have a good day" ------------------ He’ll still pick up Texhno And Dream and Punz, right by the armpits And tucks them into bed ----------------- Tommy when he gets wet He loves swimming but the poor baby: his fur It’s hard to get him in the water but once he’s in it’s hard to get him out Because he feels all heavy and sticky afterwards ------------------ Adventures in the woods TOMMY IN HID NATURAL HABITAT Small boy makes hidey hole You may be asking Does. Does Tommy crunch on the leaves He does Like on ever y single one Carefully -------------------- All of the little kids And even technos group Just bonk heads Because of the goats They all just do it Sometimes softly Sometimes roughly Techno always does it roughly tho Rough houser Dream doesn’t mind Makes it feel like he has a

herd Feeds a primal instinct for ram playmates Feeds a primal instinct for ram playmates - Small boy And puffy has outgrown it But a young piglin brute? Perfect playmate. ------------------------- AND THATS THE AU YOU'RE WELCOME

Palate Cleanser | 1

Genre: Agent au, friends with benefit (sort of), Stranger to lover, Angst, Fluff, Eventual Smut

Pairing: Agent!Taehyung x Baker!reader

Word Count: 5,6k

Rating: 18+ (M)

Warning: broken heart, cursing.

Chapter: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 completed

Summary: Taehyung needs something to take his mind off his broken heart. His best friend, Jimin, suggests that he should meet another woman and the first woman he met was you. Would you help him even though you have your own problem, that you hate men?

a/n: Hello again! This mini series is a continuation from Broken Vase. You can read it as as a standalone, but it’s better if you read it first for better understanding! As always, english is not my first language, so I would really appreciate if you give me correction or any suggestion. Please tell me if you want to be added on the taglist!

Also this is gonna be a part of The Company series (Click it for agents’ description!). Please look forward for it!

Taehyung walks mindlessly in the city. It is already noon, but still, he doesn’t want to go back to the company. The sun shines brightly like it is mocking him. And how the roads are full of couples, it is like hell to him. He hates it. He wants to be with someone too. Someone whose hand he can hold in the middle of a busy street. Not just someone, but someone he truly loves. That particular one who chooses Namjoon over him. He knows that the girl loves Namjoon deeply. He always knows it. Yet he refuses to acknowledge it. He thought that if he stays with her by her side, she will reciprocate his feelings. But it is just a mere hope. Love is not that simple.

His phone vibrates inside his pocket. He looks at it only to find Jimin is calling him. “What do you want, chim?” He then moves to the sidewalk, to take the call. His back leans onto a brick wall.

“Hello to you too. Where the fuck are you? The meeting is in 5 minutes, you know!” Jimin yells from the telephone. Taehyung taps his foot impatiently, waiting for Jimin to stop his blabbering. “Just come here fast!”

Taehyung interrupts, “I am not coming.”

There is silence on the phone and when Taehyung wants to turn his phone off, Jimin yells again. “Are you crazy? The meeting is about our mission in Hawaii. All of the agents who worked in it must be present. Our boss and that girl are gonna ask me about you.”

Taehyung can feel his heart stop for a bit after hearing about that girl. The girl he loves. But still, he doesn’t want to meet her. He is not ready. She will be together with Namjoon in the meeting. A sight he never wants to see. “Just act like you don’t know anything! I am hanging up!” Taehyung hangs up before Jimin replies back. He then turns his phone off and puts it again inside his pocket.

Yes, he thinks that it is not professional for him to avoid Namjoon and the girl. He doesn’t hate them, Hell no. Namjoon is one of his best friends and so does she. But he still needs a moment to mourn, to finally moving on. He sighs and walks again. His stomach grumbles. He hasn’t eaten anything since yesterday. He doesn’t even believe it himself. He thinks that only women will have anorexic as a breakup phase. But it seems, losing appetite applied for every human being who is brokenhearted.

His feet stop in front of a small bakery. It has a blue color outside and yellow inside, a rare combination since some people think that blue is not an appetizing color. He decides to buy some bread and eat it in the park, he is not in the mood of any rice right now. He just needs something to fill his empty stomach. The bell in the door rings as he opens it.

He is welcomed by delicious smells of freshly-baked bread. He takes a tray and walks around. Somehow the smells make his stomach growls even louder. After many considerations, he chooses a bread with red bean paste and butter and also an egg sandwich. He also takes a coke from the chiller and walks to the cashier.

He puts the tray in the cashier and his eyes wandering around the small bakery. The bakery itself is cozy, with some corners full of cute photo spots. There is only some seating area in front of the cashier. Taehyung is nodding at the rhythm of the music when his eyes dart at a little placard with a hand-written scribble beside the cashier.

Girls get 50% off

Taehyung frowns his brows and asks. “Why do only girls get 50% off?”

You raise your head. “Because all men are trash.” You reply dryly.

Taehyung gawks with that sudden explanation. “I’m sorry, what?”

Just before you say anything to the random guy, someone hit your head. “What the fuck, Hani? Why did you hit me?” you touch your head and look at another girl, Hani, who holds a rolling pin in her hand.

Hani then grabs the placard and tears it into pieces. “How many times did I tell you not to use this stupid ‘girl only’? You want us to go bankrupt?” She then throws it into the trash can. Hani turns to the man in the suit in front of them. “I am really sorry sir.”

“Why? I said the truth!” you shrug. Hani then glares at you, which shuts you up. “Fine. You handle this then.” you then walk to the back, to the kitchen, while Hani handles the cashier.

Taehyung is flabbergasted. His eyes following your back. What a weird girl. “So, how much?”

Hani then smiles, “2700 won. Would you want to pay with cash or card?” Taehyung gives her an exact amount. “Oh, this is a free cookie for you. It’s a new recipe.”

Taehyung takes the paper bag and nods politely. “Thank you.”

“Thank you! Please come again!” She yells to the girl as Taehyung walks out of the door. He can hear how the weird girl is being yelled at. Somehow he finds it amusing and funny, not at all weird.

He walks to the nearby park and sits on the bench. He puts the paper bag beside him. He looks at the bag. Palate Cleanser. A weird name for a bakery. It should be used for an ice cream parlor or that kind of stuff, but instead, they use it in a goddamn bakery. Well, not only the people working there are weirdos, the bakery itself is weird too.

He chuckles. Taehyung loves unusual stuff. He was once scolded by the higher-ups when he showed up in the Company in a pajama set and the other time in a suit with some doodles on the back. It is just his fashion sense, and everybody in the Company just looked at him like he was crazy. Why can't he be the unique one? It’s not that he bothers anyone with his habit nor his fashion sense. He opens the sandwich first and bites it. Not bad. Maybe he will come to that weird bakery again.

“What the fuck, Y/n? You almost scared him away!” Hani yells at you. She puts her hand on her hips. It may be the fifth time she yelled at you about this, this week.

You shrug. “So what? That is my intention anyway.” You open the kitchen cabinet and pull out a sack of flour, chocolates, caramel, and a bottle of peanut butter.

She pinches the bridge of her nose. “He just wanted to buy some bread for god sakes. Not making a move at you!”

You look away and walk to the kitchen island to make another batch of cookies. “Men still are trash.” You said as you rolled your sleeves.

Hani just shakes her head. “Not all men are trash.”

“They are!” you yell. “You lucky you found a good one.”

“Enough with the stubbornness!” She sighs. “Fine then, just think like that. But don’t you ever put that placard again! People would think that this bakery is a lesbian crib, you fucker.” Hani stomps her foot to the front, leaving you alone in the kitchen.

You sigh. I hope I am a lesbian, maybe It’s just better that way. You begin to measure the cookie ingredients. Your mind wanders freely as your hands work. You have done this for almost 5 years now, and you can measure a basic cookie dough subconsciously.

It’s because of Youngjae.

It was maybe the lowest point in your life. You found Youngjae naked in the bed with your college friend who you thought was your best friend. But frankly, she was just a bitch. Youngjae was your boyfriend for 3 years, you dated him in the last year of high school. He was kind, handsome, and smart, basically a grade-A boyfriend. You thought you were blessed for having a nice boyfriend. You gave all of you to him. But apparently, he cheated you all the time in your relationship. For 3 fucking years.

You are glad that you have a nice family and friends to help you through it. You cried, starved yourself, and did not take a bath for weeks in your break up. Hani is one of your friends that supports you in that hard time. Instead of just depressed and sad, she helped you move on. She was the one who printed huge ass banners that said ‘Youngjae got herpes’ with his photo and stuck it on every surface in your college. It probably cost you some dates but you were happy and satisfied. You were relieved that you got out of that unhealthy relationship. But still, you despise all of the men in this world.

You studied hard after that, took patisserie classes, not bothered by guys and dating. You get on your feet and finally, you open a bakery in the middle of the city with your best friend. It is like a successful revenge. Even that jerk ruined your life, you still have your best friend and a great job that you have always dreamt of.

You always love baking since you are just a little kid. You love the moment when you wait in front of the oven. You love to see how all the raw ingredients turn into an edible one. And you love to give your food to people, you love seeing their reaction. There was even a time when you made bread with a miso paste fillings. It was a horrible combination that made Hani and your family throw up. But you love trying new things, or just watching them trying your disgusting food.

You put the cookies in the oven. This time you made a batch of sumbitches, cookies filled with peanut butter, chocolate, and caramel. It is your bakery’s special and most favorite one because your customers are mostly girls. Who says that the girls need love? Well, who needs love if you can eat chewy, sweet, salty, and crunchy fresh baked cookies while watching Netflix?

Taehyung decides to go back to the Company after his lunch. He is racking his brain to avoid the other guys. He looks at his watch. The meeting should be over in an hour. He better moves faster. He speed-walks to his cubicle, nodding at everyone in his way. It is not that he has a job to do. He hasn’t got a new mission yet, so he basically can slack around. He sits on his chair. It’s been a while since he moved back to this city. He always chose to be located in other countries as an asset. He loves to interact with new people and to be in a new environment, not stuck in this tiny cubicle in a suit. But after that Hawaii Mission, the boss orders him to return to the head office, and well, he can’t refuse. Even Yoongi, who was an asset in Hawaii, ordered his return too.

He moves his chair around. He is bored. Maybe he is going to ask Jungkook to play with him. Oh but Jungkook is at the meeting. He sighs as he props his hand under his chin.

“Tae! Where have you been?” It’s the voice he wants to avoid the most. She walks to his cubicle with her bag on her shoulder. He can see the scar on her cheek is not as red as before, since it was from two weeks ago. “You are lucky, the Boss didn’t ask for you!”

He smiles sheepishly. “Ah, right. I kinda forget. So how is the meeting?”

She looks at him suspiciously and puts her arms across her chest. “Yoongi found that Ji Seok had contacted some people before he came to Hawaii. So, we need to investigate them. They sound suspicious from what Yoongi told us before. We thought that they might be the newest members of the Black.”

He tilts his head. “I’m sorry. We?” He is fine with another job to save him from boredom, but to work with her again? It’s just uncomfortable.

She laughs, “Oh, I am sorry. I mean you, Yoongi, Jin, Jimin, and Hoseok. Everyone except me and Namjoon. Can you believe that?”

Taehyung raises one of his eyebrows. At some point, he feels relief that he won’t work with her. “What? Why?”

“Namjoon is getting his ‘punishment’ and sent away to teach the recruits and as for me, I have finally decided to go on therapy.” She smiles proudly.

His jaw drops, “Oh my God! I am so glad you decided to do that!” He stands and hugs her tightly. “What makes you change your mind?”

She returns the hug. “Well, Namjoon kinda talked me into it. I was afraid I would get fired, at first. But he told me that if I get fired, he will leave too.” She laughs. “And after that, I gathered all of my courage to tell our Boss. Fortunately, he doesn’t fire me and encourages me to go to therapy. They told me to think about myself first.”

He gulps and gives a faint smile. “I am so happy for you.”

She then releases his hug. “I want to talk to you more, but I must go to my first session. Talk to you soon, okay?” she then waves and walks to the tall man standing beside the door. The tall man smiles and then puts his arms behind her back and walks with her happily. She never smiles like that before and if Namjoon is the only one who can make her happy, he will gladly let her go. Even if his heart aches whenever he sees her with Namjoon, he will be happy for her. He tries to be happy for her.

He needs to move on. He must let her go.

He drowns in his thoughts, not realizing Jimin walks to him. “Hey, bro. How are you?” Jimin has always been his best friend. They both went to college together and finally decided to work in the same place, Taehyung works in the field area, whereas Jimin works as a handler. Her handler. And Jimin was the one who introduced her to Taehyung.

Taehyung sighs. “So-so.”

Jimin pats his shoulder. “I know. You are doing good, by the way. I am so proud of you.” Jimin always knows about Taehyung’s love for her. It’s not that he is not supporting it, but Jimin has always known that the girl loves Namjoon, since a long time ago. Basically, he is stuck in between helping Taehyung, his best friend, or helping the girl. But love is not that simple, and can’t be controlled with a mere human being like him. It just goes with the flow like a log in the river. And unlucky for Taehyung, the log flows to another stream. “Just tell me if you want to hit the strip club okay? Hoseok is waiting for it too.”

“Haha. Yeah right.” Taehyung shrugs. “Maybe next couple of years.”

“Dude. Why are you so pessimistic about it? You are going to move on soon.”

Taehyung glares at him. “I have loved her for 3 years, okay? It’s not that simple to unlove someone you love.”

Jimin sighs. “You know what? I think you need a palate cleanser.”

Taehyung knits his brows. “What? Why do I need that bakery?”

“What bakery?” He asks back. “No, what I mean is you need some sex to help you get over her! And then you can get ready for a new one.”

“So, you suggest that I should hook up with a prostitute?” He crosses his arms across his chest, finding Jimin’s suggestion to be amusing. Amusing as Jimin who is a hopeless romantic and has been in love with his childhood friend since he was a kid suddenly told him to get a one night stand.

“Eww. No! Just look for a girl, you stupid. Hang out more.”

Taehyung chuckles. “Shouldn’t it be easier to find a prostitute?”

Jimin’s nose scrunches in disgust. “If you say a prostitute again, I won’t ever talk to you.” He then drops a binder on Taehyung’s desk. “Anyway, this is the data for our mission. Jin said that we would have a meeting tomorrow, so you should study it. Oh, did I mention that I am joining the fieldwork too? Finally, I don’t need to stay in front of my computer. I am so thrilled!”

“Wow, congrats bro.” Taehyung pats his shoulder and takes the binder and opens it. “But you should practice your gun skill more then.”

“Right! I think I will practice after this. Alright then, if you need other data just tell me, okay? I’ll see you soon.” Jimin then walks away.

Taehyung drifts his attention to the binder. It looks like there are 3 suspects. They have been contacted by Ji Seok for at least ten times in the last 3 months before Ji Seok is caught. The First suspect is Byun Baekhyun, he went to the same college with Ji Seok, now working in a restaurant in the city. The contacts all happened in his restaurant, with no telephone trace. The second suspect is Park Chanyeol, he lived in the same neighborhood with Ji Seok. He now works as a journalist in a food magazine, last seen with Ji Seok at a work party. The last suspect is Jung Eunji, she has no connection with Ji Seok, but her credit card was used to buy a plane ticket to Hawaii.

His forehead furrows. There is still not enough data to capture them, which means they needed to go to the field to investigate. Another troublesome mission. But at least, he won’t be stuck in front of his computer.

It is the morning. You wake up lazily. You are not a morning person. Even though you have a job which requires you to go to work at 6 am for years, you still go to bed after midnight. You always have other activities that make you busy, either you watch movies or read books. Well, not books. You have been using Tumblr for almost 10 years now. That application has occupied your browser history for almost 10 years, and that is the only reason why people never get to see your phone, there are too many links to your favorite smut authors. There is no way people can see that. Basically it’s just like porn, but you always think that it is more than that. Smut is just full of artistic things too. You love how the author writes such a poetic description of humping with emotional touches which make you cry until 2 in the morning. Well, you did other stuff too besides crying. Let’s just say that not only your face is wet.

You take a quick shower before you go to work. You wrap your body in a towel and pick your clothes for today in the closet. You never go to work in classy clothes, usually, you just wear a t-shirt and jeans, you have to change into your kitchen clothes later after all. You wear your black t-shirt and your ripped jeans quickly, then after tying your hair into a messy bun, you grab your jacket and your purse on the couch. You should go now if you don’t want to be late, or getting scolded by Hani. You shudder in reflex.

It is still chilly in the morning. You keep thinking to yourself, why you hate morning so much when you love the morning weather and how empty the road is, like you own it. You yawn. Well, you hate the wake-up part in the morning. You hate to leave the comfort and the warmth of your blanket.

The walk from your apartment to your bakery is not that long. You are lucky to find such an affordable apartment in the middle of the city. It is small, but it is still livable and pretty. It is close to many things, like the market, train station, and even your bakery. It is a pity you don’t live with Hani. You were going to be Hani’s roommate when you first moved to the city, but now she lives with his boyfriend, Jackson. That’s why, when you first saw the ad of your apartment, you called it without any further thinking.

You arrive at the bakery as you sigh in relief for not seeing Hani’s head inside. Lucky to you, she won’t scold you for this morning. You unlock the door and go straight to your locker room to change your clothes. You then skillfully sweep, mop, and wash all the dishes. And after an hour, you begin to prepare your today’s bread. It’s just your usual menu in your bakery. While you are preparing the dough, your mind wanders, where the hell is Hani?

It’s almost 9 am, and you still can’t find Hani anywhere. You wanted to call her, but as clumsy as you are, you left your phone in your apartment. So you just hope that Hani is fine but her ass will not because you are gonna kick her ass for letting you prepare the bread alone. You sigh as you walk to the front door to turn the sign to ‘Open’.

It has always been a hectic morning for two people to make, display the bread, and handle the customers. And now you are the only one here. It is basically like a war. You still feel lucky, to have people loving your bread. But after 2 hours of working alone, you are admitting defeat. You change the sign on the door to ‘Still baking’ and run to the kitchen to bake some more. It is the only thing you could think of right now. All the bread this morning has already sold out, after all. You are never a multi-tasking girl. So it seems fair for you to work in this type of situation or you will go insane.

Your next batch of bread is already in the oven, and you finally can take a breather. You look at your clock on the wall, it’s almost noon, and Hani is still nowhere to be seen. You begin to worry, but it’s not like you can leave the bakery alone. Then the bell on the door rings. You almost run to the front to yell at Hani for coming so late, but instead Hani, it is a guy.

It’s a guy from yesterday.

He wears a different suit from yesterday, now he is wearing a navy one. His curly hair falls on his forehead smoothly, framing his frowning brows. “Are you close or something?” he asks after he observes your display area.

“My friend is a little late, so I work alone right now.” You give a half-smile, a business one. “If you do mind, you can come back for an hour for the bread. Can’t you see the sign on the door?”

He turns his sculpted face to the door, “Oh, right. Sorry.” He then walks to the seating area, “Can I wait here?”

You bite your lip. But before you say anything to him to forbid him, your alarm in the kitchen rings. You snarl and walk back to the kitchen. “Your call.” You begin to pick your bread and put it to the cooling rack. You then put the already cool one to the plastic back to put it on the display later. Your eyes leer to the guy sitting casually in the seating area in front of the cashier. The presence of a man close to you is kind of uncomfortable.

Taehyung looks at you from the kitchen window. It is a big glass window to show what’s going on inside the kitchen. And that noon, the window lives to its purpose, he can see what you are doing inside. He can see how uncomfortable you are. How you fidget every time you have nothing on your hand. How your eyes sometimes leer at him. It is his ability to know body language, he is an agent, after all. He knows that you are nervous.

Since you told him that all men are trash yesterday, he still thinks of you as a weird girl. Somehow he is drawn to you. At first, he thought it was just a joke or a prank, but seeing how awkward you are when you see him, he realizes that you do hate men. And he thinks it’s really adorable.

You then go out from the kitchen with a pan of freshly baked bread and walk to the display. You put them neatly, quietly, trying not to mind him, while mentally praying for Hani to come sooner.

“Wow, you really do hate men, don’t you?” He asks abruptly.

His deep voice startled you. Your empty pan falls to the ground as the impact, making a loud noise in the room. You then give him a dirty look. “Pardon?”

He walks to the display area, casually observing the bread. He then takes a piece of bread. “I thought it just a joke when you said all men are trash.” He walks back to his chair, opens the plastic, and bite the bread.

You raise one of your eyebrows. “So?” You ask without batting an eye.

“Nothing. Just find it amusing.”

You walk to the chair in front of him and pull it. You sit there facing him. “You have a problem with that?”

“No.” Taehyung throws his last bite to his mouth and chews it quickly. He inches forward to your face. “Let me guess. Hm.. You got dumped, didn’t you?”

You widen your eyes. “No, I didn’t! I was the one who dumped him!” You put your hand on your mouth. What the hell are you doing telling strangers that?

He hums and folds his arms across his chest. “Okay, let me try again.” He studies you for a bit. “Your boyfriend cheated on you with your friend?”

Your jaw drops and you can feel a flush crept on your face. “How do you know?” You ask in a shock.

He smirks and shrugs confidently. “I am just that good you know.” He chuckles. “Actually no, I just guessed it.”

Just when you wanted to reply to him, the door opened harshly. And there you find your best friend rushing towards you. “Oh my God, Y/N! I am sorry.”

You observe her from the top to her feet, well, she seems fine. That’s the important thing. You sigh. “Where have you been?”

“Jackson got sick so I took him to the hospital. I have been calling you for a hundred times, where is your phone?” Hani asks. You can see her face is bare, she didn’t even draw her eyebrows.

“I left it at home. Is Jackson okay?”

Hani takes off his jacket and rolls her sleeves. “Yeah, just a little infection, he will be fine.” She looks around the bakery. “I can’t believe you open this yourself, I feel terrible.”

You wave your hands. “It’s okay. But I think we should hire a part-timer. It has been a hell for me.”

She rubs her chin. “Yes, I think it is time for us to have a helper.” Hani then looks to the side to find a man there. “I am sorry. Am I interrupting something?” She smiles.

Taehyung smiles back and laughs. “Not really. We just discussed about her hatred of men. I got free bread for guessing the reason right!”

“It’s not free-“

You are interrupted by Hani’s laughter. “It is ridiculous, right? I talked to her all the time that not all men are like that.” Her voice then quieten. “I even told her to find a palate cleanser, you know. And, this is a lil bit TMI. But actually, it’s the reason why we use that name for our bakery.”

Palate cleanser. Taehyung then remembers what Jimin said to him yesterday. And an idea comes to his head.

You push Hani’s back to the locker room. “Alright, alright. Just go change already.” She follows your instruction as she waves to Taehyung.

Taehyung looks at his watch and then gathers his stuff and rises from his chair. He walks towards you and he holds out his hand to you. “I am Taehyung.”

You take his hand after many considerations. “Y/N.”

Taehyung smiles. He then takes his wallet out from his pocket and pulls out a card. A black name card. “This is my number. If you are interested in the palate cleanser thing,” he then forcefully puts the name card on your hand, “please give me a call.” He winks and Taehyung walks away to the door, leaving you speechless on the spot.

You are stunned, seeing the card on your hand. After a few seconds, you realize. You ran outside to catch him. “Hey, you haven’t paid!” but Taehyung has vanished in the crowded road.

“Finally!” Jimin yells. All of the 5 members gather in the meeting room, with Jin in the middle. It’s already 15 minutes past the meeting time. Taehyung walks faster and sits beside his friend.

Jin sighs, “I swear to God, if you are late one more time, I will kick your ass in the practice room.” He shifts his eye to Jungkook beside him. “Actually, I will ask Jungkook to do it.”

Taehyung being such a brat, like he always does, shrugs. “Fine. I am sorry. Please continue the meeting.”

Jin pouts and rolls his eyes. “What I am saying is, we need to gather as many pieces of information from the 3 suspects and they should know nothing. The Black is still an influential organization. We must be careful not to attract any attention.”

Hoseok raises his hand. “But actually, haven’t we attracted the attention already by capturing the leader in Hawaii?”

“That’s true. But most of the new members seem to be a rookie in this field, they haven’t been that loyal to him. For short, they are terrified. They will do whatever they take to throw all of the evidence that shows they’re in the organization right away. That’s why it’s our chance to dig a little deeper.” Jin continues.

“So what is the plan?” Jungkook asks.

Yoongi rises from his seat and connects his laptop. He then shows all of the suspect’s profiles. “Jin and I already talked to our boss. We think that we should divide ourselves into groups to tail them.”

“So, Jimin and Yoongi will investigate Jung Eunji. Taehyung and Hoseok will investigate Park Chanyeol, and the last, Jungkook and I will investigate Byun Baekhyun.” Jin folds his hands across his chest. “You will be needed to submit your report every single day at 00.00. Just tailing, no harsh approaches. If they suspect something, you will retreat and report to me. We don’t need another attraction. Are we clear?”

All of the members nod and rise from their seats as Jin dismisses them. Taehyung walks to Hoseok. “So do we get a stake-out van?”

It is almost midnight but you still can’t fall asleep. You move your body anxiously on the bed, trying to get comfortable. Finally, you surrender. You pick your phone, scrolling on Tumblr. It is a bad idea actually. You always think that reading some stories will make you go to sleep, but instead, you feel excited and end up reading fifteen chapters of 10k stories. But tonight, you can’t find other stories to read.

You sigh. Your mind begins to wander. And suddenly Taehyung pops out in your mind. A palate cleanser, huh? It is tempting actually. He looks nice. Well, nice doesn’t do justice to him. You have never found a guy as handsome as him. It really makes nonsense to you. His beauty is beyond words. And to have such a guy to offer you such service, you must be dreaming.

Or, is he a prostitute? That’s why he looks so ethereal!

You turn your headlamp on and walk to your purse, where you kept his name card. You look at it carefully on both sides. It is just a simple card, with simple ‘Kim Taehyung’ written in gold in the center, with his email and phone number under it and ‘The Company’ on the other side of the card. It seems too sophisticated for a prostitute’s agency, well, not that you ever got it though. Or is he like an exclusive prostitute?

Should I just text him? You sit on your couch. You input his number on your phone and hit the message button. What should I send? You tap your phone on your chin. You have never texted a guy since college. It is lame actually. Whenever you got a guy’s number, you always ignore it. But now, you just got the feeling that you can ignore Taehyung.

You walk to your pantry, pouring a glass of wine, and bring the bottle to the couch. You begin to type.

To Taehyung: Hey...

You knit your eyebrows, what are you? A high schooler? You can do better than this. You delete and begin typing again. You gulp the wine in one shot and pour another glass.

To Taehyung: Dear, Kim Taehyung. I was happy to receive your number and I hope to see you again.

Are you his business partner? Damn, woman. Just type casually. You drink your wine again. Typing and deleting, and drinking. For several hours. Until you fell asleep on the couch with the phone on your hand.

And just like the safety slogan on the road, ‘Don’t Drink and Drive’. You need a new one.

‘Don’t drink and type’

If you were making a mixtape (or I guess Spotify playlist or whatev) for someone who had never heard the Indigo Girls before, what would you put on it?

OOH thank you, I love this question!! 

I hate spotify so much, but if I didn’t I would make a legit playlist over there (maybe I will?)-- as it stands this is just a tracklist. I’m putting an explanation of the list below a cut, hopefully it won’t flood anyone’s dash with a text wall!!

1) Closer to Fine2) Land of Canaan3) Kid Fears, live with Trina Meade4) You and Me of the 10,000 Wars5) Three Hits6) Watershed7) Galileo8) Romeo and Juliet (cover)9) Power of Two 10) Mystery11) Reunion12) Language or the Kiss 13) Shame on You14) Get Out the Map15) Go16) Ozilline17) Fill It Up Again18) Heartache for Everyone19) Cordova20) Lay My Head Down21) Pendulum Swinger22) Three County Highway23) True Romantic (!!!!!)24) I’ll Change25) Share the Moon26) Southern California is Your Girlfriend27) Don’t Think Twice, It’s Alright (cover)28) Shit Kickin’

1) Closer to Fine-- this is the song that people are most likely to know, a true classic. Boppy and fun, but with that noodle-y philosophizing I love from Emily. 

2) Land of Canaan-- an Amy song that defines her early songwriting style and hints at her love of rock and punk with the driving guitar. 

3) Kid Fears-- hauntingly layered, with a special appearance by Michael Stipe. Though tbh I prefer the version from Staring Down the Brilliant Dream (their most recent live album) with Trina Meade of Three5Human. When she comes in with “are you on fire?” it’s-- electric. I think the first time I heard it I gasped and clutched my chest. 

4) You and Me of the 10,000 Wars-- perhaps a bit of a deep cut, but one of my favorite early Emily songs. This was a great time for Emily, songwriting wise imo. 

5) Three Hits-- I think Amy was kind of starting to experiment with her sound here and also trying to push beyond the typical personal style of writing that often marks folk rock/singer-songwriter music. Also I’m soft for this entire album (rites of passage); I remember buying it at the mall on cassette with money I got at Christmas. 

6) Watershed-- this song has BIG Saturn return vibes, and has the absolutely excellent line, “every five years or so I look back on my life and have a good laugh.” 

7) Galileo-- another Emily song (I’m not kidding when I say she killed it lyrically from around ‘90-’96 or so) that touches on big philosophical questions with a kind of refreshing lightheartedness. This one is another song many people will have heard before. 

8) Romeo and Juliet (cover)-- this song gets better with each live performance, so it would be fair to include a live version. But I like the album version just as well, and you can’t deny the punch of a dyke singing about the girl who loved her and left her. 

9) Power of Two-- another classic. Soft af. Goddamn it Emily Saliers you beautiful lesbian bard, you really just wrote A Very Gay Experience into a song just like that. 

10) Mystery-- Emily is getting her due right now bc Amy is gonna rise up a few albums later and kick ass. This song, though? So, so gay. I have thought about the lyrics once a day for the past 25 years or so, probably. “Maybe that’s all that we need is to meet in the middle of impossibility?” YES GIRL, my inner dyke and my outer dyke are all screaming. 

11) Reunion-- musically I think this song just does some nice stuff, ok? Also fuckin’ relatable if you’ve ever gone to a reunion and been like-- ehhhh this could end badly but here we go. 

12) Language or the Kiss-- had to add another Emily song because this one is just. so good, ok?? this album is prime Emily!!!!

13) Shame on You-- this one got a lot of radio play in my hometown, and I remember rolling down the window and driving with it blasting. Amy was really starting to push into more overtly political lyrics and you can see it on this song. 

14) Get Out the Map-- perfect roadtrip song! Classic Emily vibes!!

15) Go-- Amy gets rockier, with some nice crunchy guitars (please forgive me for not knowing the right words but like. the guitars sound dirty and a little distorted, it’s like chewing chips in your ears in a good way). This is one of the first albums where her skill for heart-twisting lyrics rises up: “did they tell you you would come undone if you tried to touch the sun? Use your years to psych you out? ‘You’re too old to care, you’re too young to count’? Go, go, go.” 

16) Ozilline-- also Amy explores a slightly more bluegrassy sound? I appreciate that songwriting-wise she’s basically pushing herself in two directions on this album: political but not first person and hyper-personal direct narrative. This one is the latter and you feel it. 

17) Fill It Up Again-- another solid Emily bop! (I should mention I’m not putting on anything from Become You bc while I adore it I think it’s one of their weaker albums over all-- it was one of their last for epic and they were READY to get off a big label, so maybe they rushed it?

18) Heartache for Everyone-- one of my fave Amy songs of all time, would love to hear this covered by so many people. I just love it. Everything. 

19) Cordova-- I am absolutely just including this because it breaks my heart? Idek why. I think I just have such a strong mental picture that goes along with it that’s informed by nothing other than a story I think works with it and. Yeah. It’s not typical of an Amy song musically but I love that. 

20) Lay My Head Down-- a little sloppy lyrically, but the heart of it is beautiful. 

21) Pendulum Swinger-- typical Emily political song, very crunchy and green and honestly middle of the road gay democrat, but in a way that’s actually not the most shitty? 

22) Three County Highway-- a spare and lovely Amy song with slight country vibes. 

23) True Romantic-- this song. THIS FUCKING SONG. it’s gorgeous, it’s raw, and there’s something about it coming out in Amy’s raspy voice that makes it a gut punch! I yell about it every few months. I want very much for Louis Tomlinson to cover it and of course he never will. The injustice. 

24) I’ll Change-- I think this song stands right up with Emily’s earlier stuff. Honestly Poseidon and the Bitter Bug is a truly solid album and it’s hard to pick only a couple of songs from it. 

25) Share the Moon-- a tender and lovely Amy song, the only one I really like off this album (Beauty Queen Sister). I tried listening to the rest of the album so much and ended up putting this song on repeat instead. 

26) Southern California is Your Girlfriend-- ever since I saw a video of Amy and Emily playing this song while Amy’s kid sat listening I was in love. It’s different for Amy but in such a good way. 

27) Don’t Think Twice, It’s Alright (cover)-- this is a great live cover that has Michelle Malone on guest vocals. She was such a staple on their tours for such a long time (and maybe still is, but not on the west coast). 

28) Shit Kickin-- this one is off their upcoming album, and it’s such a good playlist ender? It’s got a kind of funky vibe with lyrics that talk about the pitfalls and problems and pride of southern culture in a way that really resonates with me as a southerner. 

somehow I managed to keep that pretty even--subtracting the two covers i think that Emily and Amy each have 13 songs on here. I might make a somewhat different list on a different day, but this is about right. I would also suggest someone listen to Poseidon and the Bitter Bug, Rites of Passage, Swamp Ophelia, and Staring Down the Brilliant Dream if they wanted a deeper dive into what I think are some of the best albums/songs over all. (Maybe All That We Let In, too). 

@axelandriab​ thank you so much for tagging me in this bc seeing brand new questions I’ve never answered before is like a breath of fresh air

Do you prefer writing in black or blue pen? black

Would you prefer to live in the country or the city? I think about this often and I always used to say city but I’m feeling more country now

If you could learn a new skill, what would it be? guitar... please... if not that then I’d like to speak German fluently...

Do you drink tea/ coffee with sugar? nope (unless you count honey as sugar for tea, then yes)

What was you favourite book as a child? I honestly don’t remember reading books/having books read to me but it was probably Goodnight Moon by Margaret Wise Brown

Do you prefer baths or showers? I haven’t taken a bath in a good 6 years so I forget what it feels like (I don’t fit in my bathtub anymore... I’m too long) so I gotta say showers by default

If you could be a mythical creature, which one would you be? either some sort of fairy, nymph, or shapeshifter 

Paper or electronic books? Paper

What is your favourite item of clothing? my denim jacket with all my patches on it

Do you like your name? nope :3) I think Rachel is a very boring, generic, uncreative White Girl name and if I ever get famous (which ain’t gonna happen) I’d totally go by a pen/stage name

Who is a mentor to you? pssh just any of my Rock and Roll Dads (i.e. Joe Elliott, Brian May, Kevin Cronin, Nikki Sixx, etc), I feel like They guide me somehow

Would you like to be famous? famous for something good? Yes. I’m such an extrovert like 60% of the time and I love oversharing and sometimes feel like I’d be good at handling fame. Plus honestly I don’t feel like I’ll be able to survive long in life unless I somehow get famous bc let’s face it I’m never gonna have a “real career” or be satisfied with any job or be able to make a living by constantly working (but then again I don’t have any talent that can make me famous either oops)

Are you a restless sleeper? yeah more often than never :3)

Do you consider yourself a romantic person? aesthetically romantic, sometimes, but I identify as aro. Romance irl just feels wrong, like it doesn’t mix well with me, like when you put a certain metal in water and it explodes

Which element best represents you? Earth? Either earth or water

Who do you want to be closer to? “My favourite musicians ;(” <<stealing this too :c just all the Leppard bois pls

Do you miss someone at the moment? Nope

Tell us about an early childhood memory? I had a computer class in kindergarten, and I remember on the very first day of it, the teacher taught us what a floppy disc was when introducing us to all the parts of a computer. This was in 2006, and I still have yet to use one.

What is the strangest thing you’ve ever eaten? Probably chicken and waffle pringles, but dipped in chili (GOOD)

What are you most thankful for? the money I have in the bank (even tho I try not to touch it), my driver’s license, not having a job right now, my therapist, my music, my hamster, being surrounded by green

Have you ever met anyone famous? Yes, Rick Ray of Sunshine Allen :3 that’s it :’3

Do you keep a diary or journal? Nope, even tho my therapist told me that journaling my thoughts is a big help, I kinda don’t wanna go back to doing that

Do you prefer to use pen or pencil? Pen bc it flows easier

What is your star sign? Pisces

Do you like your cereal crunchy or soggy? Crunchy all the way, soggy cereal is a HUGE pet peeve of mine

What would you want your legacy to be? someone who was very interesting and did a lot of things

Do you like reading? What was the last book you read? honestly, reading is overrated. Even if the book is good, reading isn’t as hyped up as everyone on this site thinks it is. I do like reading sometimes, but I barely do. I read a lot in high school bc I had so much free time on my hands in class, but outside of school I can’t do it. The last book I read was a reread of The Princess Bride by William Goldman

How do you show someone you love them? *Lisa Simpson staring at plate* ??? Error 405??

Do you like ice in your drinks? yeah but not a lot. Maybe just one or two cubes to keep it cold but not to dilute it a lot

What are you afraid of? being stuck where I am forever, never escaping my family, never finding my path in life, whatever the hell is wrong with my mentality getting worse and impacting my life in a huge way, any health related problems, I could go on :3)

What is your favourite scent? Old Spice

Do you address older people by their name or surname? ...what exactly is this question asking? Depends on how casual I am with them/how well I know them

If money was not a factor, how would your life be different? I would NOT be living here that’s for damn sure :3) I would’ve been to so many different places by now and maybe I’d actually have a real life and actually BE an interesting person

Do you prefer swimming in pools or the ocean? pools, bc the ocean is too salty and choppy and doesn’t smell as good as chlorine imo

What would you do if you found $50 on the ground? “I’d pick it up, and if I saw the person who dropped it, I’d give it back to them” << true but then if i couldn’t find them then I’d probably go buy some records with it and put the change aside into my Concert Fund

What is one thing you’d want to teach your children? honestly I don’t think I’m ever gonna have kids, but I’d want them to understand that gender roles don’t exist, and neither do the opinions of society

If you had to get a tattoo right now, what and where would it be? ...I’m actually getting a tattoo next week... it’s going to be on the side of my right shoulder, a silhouette of a pine tree with an outline of a crescent moon above it

What can you hear now? The sound of the fridge runnin in the room behind me, my mom getting something out of a drawer

Where do you feel the safest? in my bedroom

What is one thing you want to overcome/conquer? whatever’s fucked up in my head like anxiety and trauma, etc

If you could travel back to any era in time, what would it be? if I had to travel back anywhere and stay there for the rest of my life, I’d probably go back 1979 to see the dawn of the 80s and live through them. If I had to go for a day then I’d probably pick the summer of 1988 or something

What is your most used emoji? probably 🤙

Describe yourself using one word? tough

What do you regret most? not going to see Def Leppard and Journey when they were less than an hour away 2 years ago. Yes, I couldn’t drive back then, so there was really no way I could’ve gotten there and back (and I could’ve BARELY gotten a floor ticket to begin with, it would’ve cost like half the money I had to my name), but with the Stadium Tour being delayed ANOTHER year I feel like 2 years ago was the only chance I’ll ever have had to see my favorite band :c so even though it was basically impossible for me to go, and a lot of the factors of that were out of my control, I still feel like I blew it, and wish I tried literally everything I possibly could’ve done (like just buy the ticket and figure out how to get there later, call everyone I could think of to try and hitch a ride). Even if I did so, there was still a VERY, VERY slim chance that I could’ve ended up going by some goddamned MIRACLE okay I’ll shut up now sorry I’m just still very upset even so much time later

Last movie you saw? in theaters? Rocketman last summer. In general? Uhhhhh I really don’t know, I think it was Love, Simon

Last TV show you watched? on tv? Rick and Morty. In general? I was watching The Young Ones on youtube today

Invent a word and it’s meaning? Scress (we actually made this up like 2 years ago)- it’s a game where you play chess on a Scrabble board while also playing Scrabble

Tagged by @lostnoise thank you bby I love you!!!

Also, putting it under a read-more because damn bitch you long

Do you prefer writing with a black pen or a blue pen: Actually, when I am, once upon a blue moon, tortured with the unnecessary need to write in hand, I use a green pen! But black if I have to choose between those

Would you prefer to live in the country or the city: BOTH my parents fucking live on the country side and I... fucking hate it... City, city city city, through and through, give me cement and cars and loud noises, I do not care for trees and grass and bugs.

If you could learn a new skill, what would it be: ...singing.

Do you drink coffee/tea with sugar: Coffee with honey and tea with sugar, I have a HUGE sweet tooth holy fuck

What was your favourite book as a child: I had the HUGEST fucking crush on Artemis Fowl, like holy fucking shit I was IN LOVE with that lil genius bastard, and I still look back upon it fondly

Do you prefer baths or showers: WELL, you see, in my lil country o’ origin, Denmark, bath tubs are very very very rare, so I have never had a bath in that sense since I could fit in the sink... so showers, I guess

If you could be a mythical creature, which one would you be: Anything with wings, beyond the ability to fly I am not picky

Paper or electronic books: Paper smells fantastic, and oh the aesthetic of it all, but for actually reading, e-books, so I buy both

What is your favourite item of clothing: Skinny jeans, because I look fucking AMAZING in them, man...

Do you like your name, or would you like to change it: HA nope I HATE my name, it is IMPOSSIBLE to pronounce if you’re not Scandinavian, and I have often considered changing my name to Alex, which, funny story, my mom wanted me to be named Alexander if I was a boy, so??? Coincidence??? I THINK NOT!

Who is a mentor to you: I’m supposed to have one??

Would you like to be famous, if so, what for: Oh God yes, holy fucking shit I want people to ask for my autograph and turn their heads whispering Is that them?? As for what for, well, ideally it’d be for being a huge broadway star, but since I can’t sing worth shit, I’ll settle for being Netflix’ next wonderchild of a writer!

Are you a restless sleeper: YUP, fuck yes, oh GOD, I have insomnia for various reasons, so I toss and turn I can’t sleep at night, oh, and I wake a good dozen times too

Do you consider yourself to be a romantic person: Fuck yeah, I wanna date someone I can send flowers to at work, always buy their favourite snacks, cook dinner and eat by candles, eat out and eat out, and just... ye.

Which element best represents you: I’m the Avatar

Who do you want to be closer to: See some of these questions are really setting me up to say Dacre or Joe, but instead I’ll say the Moon

Do you miss someone at the moment: Psh HA yes, but for not very PG reasons

Tell us about an early childhood memory: Nahhhh too depressing

What is the strangest thing you have eaten: Hehe, I mean, uhh, pineapple on pizza?? No but I haven’t eaten anything strange ever, really

What are you most thankful for: Money The internet, because without it I’d have never met this many astounding people, been this well-informed, or ever even seen Joe and Dacre in that shower scene

Do you like spicy food: I literally put garlic or chilli in EVERYTHING I cook, god yes, fucking burn me

Have you ever met someone famous: I shook the hand of our Queen once when I was in 3rd grade and she came to visit our school

Do you keep a diary or journal: Nah, I remember every horribly embarrassing thing I’ve ever done in excruciating detail already

Do you prefer to use pen or pencil: God, those are two vastly different things, like, pens are oddly sexy if you do it clean, but a mechanic pencil is nicer to hold and can be erased, so....

What is your star sign: You mean Zodiac??? Because if you don’t then hell if I know, but Capricorn

Do you like your cereal crunchy or soggy: Oh GOD all good things in life is crunchy!!! Ice cream, chocolate, liquorice, cereal, let me fucking chew

What would you want your legacy to be: Well besides my enormous collection of Harringrove smut, I’d want to make a tv show, that even decades later people still love and enjoy, like the original Star Trek, just something that changes tv culture the way they did

Do you like reading, and what was the last book you read: I am actually not that avid a reader, which shames me a great deal, but the last thing I read was, and yeah I’m serious, Brokeback Mountain... Listen, I work in a thrift store, and someone fucking donated it and I... yeah

How do you show someone you love them: Read my tags on everything I reblog from my fellow creators. That is the closest thing I’ll get to showing love in such an honest way. All love is, to me, is the desire to make other people feel better, make them happy and smile and know that they are appreciated and wanted, and I strive to do that every single day. And letting someone know you were thinking about them, whether it’s by sending them a dumb meme or buying them their favourite snack, because you saw it and thought of them. I hope all my followers know I love them.

Do you like ice in your drinks: God yes, keeps it cold and I am gluttonous enough to just inhale whatever the fuck I’m drinking before the ice melts and waters it all out

What are you afraid of: Growing old

What is your favourite scent: There’s this... laundry detergent my ex used, and... it breaks my heart every time I smell it, but it also just reminds me of the good times we had, lying with my head on their chest, just smelling it, feeling the body heat, being happy, being loved. It makes me ridiculously emotional, and coming upon it unexpectedly so just stops time for me

Do you address older people by their name or surname: Man this is a very cultural question to ask, because here everyone calls each other by their first name, like??? I only know people’s last name if it’s absolutely necessary

If money was not a factor, how would you live your life: LAVISHLY SO! But no, really, I know that this is becoming quite tiring to hear of probably, but I would just sit and write. I would wake up, write, go to bed, and then fulfil human duties between like showering and eating and such. I don’t want to travel or party or anything, I just want to write. Also if this question means I’m rich, I’d ofc have a top floor apartment with the view over the ocean and donate as much as I can to literally all charity organizations

Do you prefer swimming in pools or the ocean: Well that really depends, because, salt water does wonders for my curls, like damn bitch yes work that beach hair, but also I assume the pool is 100% clean, so

What would you do if you found $50 on the ground: I would wonder why the fuck there’s 50 dollars lying on the ground in a country that doesn’t even accept that currency

Have you ever seen a shooting star, and if so did you make a wish: Of course I have, but I always liked to think of them as aliens trying to contact us in a long and drawn-out Morse code

What is one thing you would want to teach your children: Oof, uhhh, no thank you

If you had to have a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it: I already got three, and I’m planning on getting a bust of Medusa on my left inner-bicep

What can you hear now: He’s just like all the rest! You can’t trust him! Hurt Someone from the musical A Bronx Tale

Where do you feel the safest: Right here baby, in bed, surrounded by far too many pillows and duvets and plushies, I like a hard bed with soft surroundings like a goddamn nest

What is one thing you want to overcome/conquest: The world and your heart, yes in that order

If you could travel back to any era, which would it be: That really depends!!!! Like am I still me? Do I know everything I know now? Can I come back again? There are wayyy too many questions for me to make an educated answer, but I’d like to see what was before the Big Bang

What is your most used emoji: 💕 But you already knew that!

Describe yourself using one word: Magnificent

What do you regret the most: Fuck I can only choose one???

Last movie you saw: Instant Family, and it was really good!!!

Tagging! No one yet again, because we’ve all done these by now, and I am very happy that I got a chance, too!!!

Survey #265

“all is fair in love and war, i’m still rotten to the core.”

What's the latest youtube channel you've discovered and binge-watched? Ha, a WoW channel that basically gives advice and tutorials on stuff. She doesn't have many videos, but she's pretty successful already and chill as hell. Kraken Latte. Does it snow where you live? Occasionally. Very rarely does the snow stick, though, because the ground will be too warm. Do you think your hair looks better long or short? Short. Do you look best with or without bangs? Bitch I loved my emo bangs fuck off. Well, they weren't technically bangs, my hair was just parted far to the left. Do you enjoy editing photos on your phone? Well, my phone doesn't have GREAT camera quality, but I usually do some subtle edits if I take a pic on it. What's your favorite thing to do on your phone? Play Pokemon GO REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE Which season do you wish would last longer? Shit man, fall. At least here, the phase of colorful leaves is VERY short. Goes from green to totally bare in what feels like just a couple weeks. How many outdoor birthday parties have you had? Hell if I know. How much taller or shorter are you than your mom? We're the same height. Who is your favorite sibling? Lol wow that's mean. Do you have neat handwriting? Yeah. Do you like sushi? I've actually never tried it, but I'm quite certain I wouldn't like it. Have you ever tried seaweed? Actually yes, I believe in the 4th grade? We had I think authentic Japanese (or Chinese, idr) food, and I recall there being seaweed. I didn't like it. The only thing I liked was the white rice, I think. Do you have an actual pig-shaped piggy bank? No, but I think I may have as a kiddo. Did you dream of becoming famous as a kid? No. Have you ever been to a gynecologist? I actually haven't because I've always said I wasn't sexually active (back then it wasn't a conscious lie, I just genuinely didn't realize what we were doing was just shallow sex). I'm absolutely terrified to go anyway because I'm just very very very private about this sort of thing and honestly think I'll have a panic attack when I do have to for the first time anyway. Name three games that you are good at. Shadow of the Colossus, Silent Hill, World of Warcraft. What was your favorite board game as a kid? Ha ha, somehow, it was this shopping game called "Mall Madness." Veeeery unfitting of who I was and what I enjoyed as a kid. Do you get on Facebook every day? Pretty much. Did you watch the Kids Choice Awards when you were a kid? No. What was your favorite girl group when you were growing up? Spice Girls, I think. Do you have memories that still make you cry? Yes. Have you made your own mask to help prevent the spread of the virus? No, considering I don't leave the damn house like ever. Do you know anyone who has the virus? Yes. Not personally, but distantly. Are you proud to be an American? (if applicable) Sometimes. What countries have you visited? I haven't left America. Have you ever had a controlling boyfriend/girlfriend? No. How many true heartbreaks have you had in your lifetime? Romantically, I only consider one to be a *real* heartbreak. Have you ever cut yourself? Yeah. Do you feel like everything is falling apart around you? BOY DO I!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Was your first kiss romantic? Yes. Do you miss any of your exes right now? My PTSD has been awful awful AWFUL the past few days, so yes. A lot. Have you ever overdosed on anything? Yes. What would you say if you found out your last ex was in a relationship? I'd be happy for her of course, but I'd also be very confused. She's made it clear she doesn't believe a relationship is the best idea for her right now. Who was your date to prom? Jason took me to his senior prom, and I took him to mine. Do you still talk to your first love? No, I haven't spoken to him in over three years now. Wow. Whose wedding did you go to first? I don't remember. I'm sure it wasn't the first, but ONE of the earliest that I do remember was when my friend Summer's mom got remarried. He sadly passed away a long while ago though. Are you ashamed of anyone you've dated in the past? Tyler, yes. It was so pointless and a "let's see how this goes" versus a "I really like this guy and really want this relationship" thing. I honestly think I only said yes to dating because I didn't want to hurt his feelings and I was lonely. What about anyone you've been friends with? There were certainly times it felt very weird calling Colleen my best friend with how bitchy she could be. Especially when you consider how non-confrontational I am, while she charged like a goddamn bull into arguments. Have you ever made out with someone in a pool? Uhhh I think that one night when I lived at the apartment and it was just us out there late at night. He and I went back inside before Jacob and Amanda TO hardcore make out because we both way too obviously wanted it so I wouldn't be remotely surprised if we snuck in some action at the pool oof. Who’s the last person that slept over your house? Sara. Do you still talk to the last person you kissed? Yes. Have you ever kissed someone with a tongue ring? No, I was the person with the tongue ring. I actually took it out a little while back because I was tired of accidentally chomping down on it when eating and chipping teeth. I'd already told myself if I did it one more time I would, and especially right now, we can't afford to keep filling cavities that have come from it. I don't at all regret getting it and it'll always be one of the cutest piercings I think I've ever had, but it was just time for it to come out. Is it hard for you to get over a lover? I THINK I'VE MADE THAT!!!!!!!!!!! O BVIO US S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Have you ever tried making someone jealous? Not to my recollection. Did your last relationship end because of you or the other person? Both of us really, but she initiated the breakup, you could say. Who is the last person you flirted with? Sara. Who's the most racist person you know? Jesus Christ, I live in the South. I know dozens of racists. I guess the worst is uhhh OH the aforementioned Colleen, holy fucking shit. I highly highly highly doubt that has changed at all since we last associated with each other. If you could be a film character, who would you be? Let me be Alice Liddell. Crunchy peanut butter or smooth? Smooth is the only way to go with pb. Would you rather always be in a crowd, or be the only person on earth? "Always be in a crowd. It wouldn’t be fun, but I think it’d be better than being that alone." <<<< This. I legitimately think I'd wind up killing myself in the other case. Would you rather be rich, or famous? Why? "Rich, because...what’s the point of being famous if you’re not rich? Just everyone knowing all of your business?" <<<< Also this. Do you squeeze the toothpaste from the top or the bottom? "I start off from the top until it gets used enough that I have to squeeze up from the bottom." <<<< Lemme just steal all this person's answers lmao. How many children do you want? Girls or boys? None, but if I was to have kids, I'd definitely want a girl. Is there a story behind your name? What is it? No. What was one of the most fun things you and your college roommate did together? I didn't have a college roommate. Well wait no, during my first college attempt is when I lived w/ Jason, Jacob, and Amanda. I'd honestly prefer to not think too hard back on it to answer this. Does anyone know your bank pin number other than you? Who? I don't even have a bank account. Have you ever had a boyfriend/girlfriend who was depressed? Yeah, multiple. Would you be embarrassed to buy pads/tampons/condoms? Which one more? Pads or tampons, nah. I'd feel awkward buying condoms though. Are your parents gullible? Dad probably is; he has very little common sense. I got it from him lmao. Mom, heeeeell no. Do you still own a VCR? No. What color is the computer/laptop you’re on? Did you buy it yourself? It's black. No. Does the smell of cigarettes, weed and beer repulse you? All three do. Was the last person you kissed younger or older than you? Younger. Have you ever purchased Girl Scout cookies? Yeah. How often do you drink Monster? Never, because I don't like it. Have you ever made totally pointless videos with your friends? HAHA I was a cringy teen once, my friends. Do you like sitting on the inside or outside of a restaurant booth? Inside. I feel safer. Do you own a nightgown? No, I haven't worn those since I was a kid. Have you ever worn fishnets? Fishnet gloves. I WISH I could pull off fishnet pants. Would you rather go out to eat or be eaten out? In times like THESE???????? Bitch I wanna go eat out at a yummy restaurant. Do you always wear your seat belt? ABSOLUTELY. I get so stressed out when I see people not wearing one. Have you ever liked someone much older than you? Not much older. Have you ever been in a play? Just school ones as a kid. Is there ice cream in your freezer? No, but there's popsicles from when I couldn't get my tongue ring out and it was massively swollen and in terrible pain. Thank God I finally got it out. Have you ever liked the lyrics of a band but hated the music? Probably. Does your bathroom have a window? Yeah, but it's very small and up kinda high. Do you go somewhere to get your eyebrows done? I used to, but I don't anymore. I just leave them be. Do you believe prayer really works? Nope. Have you been on a date in the park? No. Are there any diseases/health problems that run in your family? A whole. Fucking. Lot. To just name a few, depression, high blood pressure, heart disease, cancer, diabetes... Do you have asthma? No. Last person to take off your pants, besides you? Jason. Least favorite alcoholic drink? Mother of God, this white wine I tried at Colleen's forever ago. It was fucking repulsive. How did you meet the last male you texted? I mean I literally came from his balls so like Have you ever had an embarrassing email address? Ha ha yeah, the one I've always had. It's not very adult-ish or "serious"-sounding, but I don't want to change it now. Do you put shampoo in your left or right hand? Left. I squeeze with my right. Do you have a bull ring through your nose? No, I don't feel that would look good on me. Do you and your dad get along? Yes. When was the last time you did clay work/pottery? My last year of art in high school. I made an anatomical heart for Jason. I wonder a lot if he still has it after how much work I put into it. Do you like art, hate it or just not mind it? I adore art. The world would be so much more boring without it. If you had to choose would you prefer dull pain for 12hours or sharp for 2? Ew, dull. Two hours with sharp pain sounds awful. Do you know the words to the national anthem of your country? Yeah. Would you rather be a Model, Famous Scientist, Singer or Chef? Scientist, probably. I'd love to be a biologist anyway, and that's a type of scientist. Would you rather be a pilot, crime scene investigator or estate agent? Ohhh, crime scene investigator. Does making others happy really make you feel happy? Yes! Did you ever swear at a teacher in school? Why? No. Have you ever pricked your finger on Holly or another ‘sharp’ plant? Yeah. Have you ever written your own short story? Yes. What about a novel? Or perhaps you started and couldn’t finish? "I started writing several novels, but abandoned them all." <<<< Same yo. Either of the above, if this was the case, place short synopsis here: The first one was about a very close meerkat family, divided into elemental "breeds," and the prince falling in love with another of his kind. His father had a stray brother who constantly aimed to destroy the family, but he was converted towards the end. That's all I can really remember about that one. There were others like two species of animals I made also falling in love, despite being predators and prey of each other, and fulfilling some sorta prophecy with their offspring. The other two I recall- yo fuck it I keep remember more and more okay I wrote a LOT. Do you prefer SciFi/Fantasy/Action/Horror or Rom/Com/RealLife? I'm guessing you mean in books, given the last three questions? I have a strong preference for fantasy. What do you have a lot of faith in [note: can be anything]? Hell if I know. Would you rather have a big house, a lot of kids or a high flying job? High flying job, easily. I don't want kids, nor do I need a large house, especially considering I hate cleaning even this tiny one. Have you ever been to a creepy/haunted/abandoned place? Yeah. What did it look like and what were the circumstances? It was this really old, mostly dilapidated shack full of cool stuff. It was by the field near our old house. Me, my sister, and our friend hung out there and explored all the time until this freaky woman showed out and told us we shouldn't be there. Do you know a Jack? What’s he like? Yeah. I don't him that well though, so idk. How about a Lisa? What’s she like? Yeah, she's one of my WoW friends that I've become really close with. She is an absolute sweetheart, but talks about herself way, way too excessively to the point it's hard to have a conversation sometimes. I know she doesn't realize it, though. When you have children, would you like twins? I say enough that I don't even want kids, SO FUCK NO. Do you know any twins? If so, what are they called? Yes. Tyler and Taylor. I know others, but idr their names. What personality trait does nearly everyone in your family seem to have? We're stubborn as all fuck hell. Do you have any nicknames that aren’t derived from your actual name? Yeah, some online ones and then my mom has called me "Twinkie" since I was a baby. Do you have any allergies? Yeah, of pollen and silver. What is the longest your hair has ever been? To or maybe even past the small of my back. Have you ever been on a blind date? No, not my jam. What is the oldest piece of clothing you still wear and how old is it? I really don't kn- oh yes I do. I have these oooold old thin and sewn-back-up-fifty-times Batman pj pants from when Jason and I were together, so maybe like... seven years? Thanks PTSD, I'm attached to them because Batman was his thing. How often do you eat out at a fancy restaurant? Just about never. Nutella or peanut butter? UGGGGGHHHHH I've been on a nutella thing lately. Have you ever hosted a wild party? Definitely not. Name/author of the last book you read cover to cover. Do you recommend it? Wings of Fire: The Lost Heir by Tui Sutherland. Yes, it was very good. How many of your Facebook friends do you actually hang with? Besides my immediate family, like... none anymore. Have you ever donated blood? Yes. From 1-10, how much do you like decorating for holidays? This is hard to gauge. I've never seriously done it myself, and I don't really have the motivation to do it just to take it all down a month or so later. I love it in concept, but yeah. Favorite animated Disney character? Probably Kiara from TLK2. Have you ever cooked a big family meal by yourself? Ha, no. Favorite winter activity? TAKING PICTURES IN THE SNOOOOOOOOW. Do you consider rapping singing? I mean I guess? Does your home have a fireplace? No. Do you listen to any religious music? No. Do you drink soda? If so, which one is your favorite? Ugh... soda is my weakness. I'd probably lose weight easier if I just stopped drinking it. Mountain Dew Voltage is my favorite, and I've also been on a serious strawberry Sunkist thing lately. How easily do you cry? I cry very, very easily. Can you handle spicy foods? What is your spice limit? Oh yeah. The only way I know how to gauge this one is that I enjoy the "hot" sauce at BWW lol. I've actually kinda cut back on HOW much I enjoy it, though; like I'm more into enjoying my food thoroughly lately than the adrenaline of spicy food. What day of the week is laundry day for you? I personally don't do the laundry because Mom prefers to just do ours together, so. It varies, I think. Have you ever played spin the bottle? No. Do you have any stickers on your laptop computer? If so, what are they of? Not on mine, but the one I currently have to use has tooons. I don't feel like looking at the lid trying to list what they are tho. How often do you say "y'all?" It's pretty much in my normal vernacular due to where I live. Do you believe in evolution? Yes. I have questions and curiosities about it, but when you consider how truly short it has been since considerable natural selection has been observed, why couldn't it exist on a bigger scale? Do you live in an apartment or a house? I live in a house. How long have you been at your current job? I'm unemployed. Have you ever ended a romantic relationship? Yes. Phrase you say the most? Probably "oof" lmao. Have you ever kissed anyone of the same gender? If so, did you like it? Yes and yes. Have you ever given anyone CPR? No. Have you ever learned to do anything from a how-to video on YouTube? Yes, mainly just editing stuff. Have you ever auditioned for a reality competition show? No. Have you ever been in the audience for the taping of a TV show? No. I've been at hockey games with Dad, but I don't consider those "TV shows." Have you ever given money to a street performer? I've never even seen one. Do you own any homemade clothing? Not that I know of. Have you ever bought anything from a flea market? Yeah, decorations 'n trinkets and stuff. I love flea markets. Have you ever quit a job? Yes. Are your birth parents together? No. Do you or have you ever worn glasses? I've worn glasses for years now. Have you ever been broken up with? AKA died in spirit? :^) Have you ever been the victim of a nasty prank? Not to my recolleciton. Favorite fandom? Y'all been known, the Markiplier fandom is a goddamn family. Can you surf? No. What motivates you to do well in life? The knowledge that I've most likely only got one life to make something of. How lucky do you consider yourself? I mean, ALL things considered, I'd say I'm at just below the baseline, maybe? I mean I could be homeless or dying of malaria or something. Have you ever been summoned for jury duty? No. Favorite summer activity? Swimming! Have you ever lived on a farm? No. I wanted to for years as a little kid, though. How often do you get mad at yourself? I've lately been in an almost constant state of anger regarding myself, honestly. Have you ever gotten any stitches? Yes. Favorite YouTube channel? The Marker Plier guy. Do you have a pool at your house? No. Last thing that made you laugh? Something on Game Grumps. Earbud or earmuff headphones? Earbuds. Earmuffs hurt my head and ears. Have you ever been a bridesmaid or a groomsman? Yes. Have you ever gotten a New Year’s kiss exactly at midnight? I don't think so. Have you ever voted for a reality competition show? The only time I did that I remember is when Landau Eugene Murphy Jr. won America's Got Talent. I adored him and voted like mad. Does anyone in your family currently serve in your country’s military? Ummm maybe distantly? I don't know anyone off the top of my head. Are you comfortable with watching rated R movies? Well yeah.

12, 21, 23 for good boy Solo! i'm curious about the guy ovo

YESSSS SOLO THE GOOD BOY!!

|do they like art? what is their favorite type (paintings, songs, fashion, etc)?|

Solo adores songs!! He loves music a lot and got him through some tough times with family.(as much as it could..) He is in band actually! The second main singer and main guitar player for it. He also has SOME interest in fashion? More or less he wants to... look cool lol. He likes mostly leather jackets and more “punk aesthetics” if that makes sense? Unfortunately he also loves tshirts with extremely stupid graphics on it as well. Solo has tried to understand artwork n the like but can’t really “grasp it” himself.

|what are some skills your oc has a talent for and what are some that they worked for?|

As I mentioned before, Solo is in a band! He can play guitar(normal or electric!) and also some piano as well due to forced lessons as a child, not as skilled with it though. He also knows some violin playing due to his parents forcing him to learn but only basic chords. He also is the second main singer for his band so he can in fact sing! He prefers to play his guitar over singing though, sometimes he doesn’t enjoy the sound of his own voice due to self esteem.

Another skill he (unfortunately) has is that he can be extremely sneaky and is a pretty good thief. His skinny body is perfect for hiding and sliding into places he shouldn’t be lol. Also very nimble fingers and claws are the perfect size for breaking into locks. He doesn’t enjoy it though, he mainly did it and practiced it to impress some friends back when he was in school, he figured if he could steal things for them that they would like him.

|what is something really dumb that irritates your oc a lot?|

Solo is generally very hard to irritate but he does have a few things that irritate him.

He hates the sound of people eating crunchy food right near him. Normally he will suppress his irritation but after a bit he gets fidgety and clenches his fists as irritation just crawls up his spine. He doesn’t mind it normally but when someone is obviously just crunching away loudly it drives him crazy.

He HATES the smell of lavender, if he smells it he cannot focus it drives him up the damn wall. It’s less of a “the smell makes his head hurt or he thinks it’s gross” it just drives up up the fucking wall for no reason. It does irritate his eyes slightly but overall it makes him crazy. Spray lavender scent near him and watch him lose his goddamn mind instantly.

He hates hoodies a lot. He likes jackets but hoodies just irritate him beyond belief for no real reason. He thinks they are stupid and prepare to see one of the grumpiest and unhappy lizards on the planet if you place him in a hoodie.

As critical and commercial accolades continue to amass at the feet of Ghost – those Satan-loving retro rockers from Sweden – one might be forgiven for wondering if founder/singer Tobias Forge (aka, Papa Emeritus I, II and III and currently Cardinal Copia), might have really cut a deal with the Devil. After all, over the course of four studio albums, the band have earned the feverish adulation of both fans and critics, not to mention the likes of Dave Grohl and James Hetfield. They notched a 2016 Grammy for Best Metal Performance and after a complete lineup change in 2016, Forge and the band’s latest iteration released this year’s Prequelle, their finest work to date and current leader of the Metal Hammer fan poll for best 2018 album so far.

If you’re just getting involved or you enjoy making and slagging off lists, here are Ghost's ten best songs.

10. Per Aspera Ad Inferi

On 2013’s Infestissumam Ghost took their occult flavour of nihilism to extravagant heights with this towering hymn of damnation. From the word “go,” the devilish Swedes have cheekily borrowed traditional Christian constructs – prayers, hymns and imagery – and inverted them into kitschy Satanic paeans. On this track, Papa Emeritus II twists the encouraging Latin maxim, Per aspera ad astra (“Through hardship to the stars,”) into something infinitely more bleak – Per Aspera Ad Inferi, (“Through hardship to hell”). Warm guitar tones and punchy, one-two tempos drive into one of the band’s most memorable and ear-wormish choruses.

9. Elizabeth

Four years after forming in Linköping, Sweden, Ghost released a three track demo, followed by a 7” vinyl of Elizabeth (with Death Knell as the B-side). Inspired by the sonic grandeur of Mercyful Fate, the lyrics spin a wistful ode to Hungarian Countess Elizabeth Báthory de Ecsed, known as the most prolific female serial killer in history. With the snarling chug of the rhythm guitar, eerie waves of echo-drenched leads and stunning vocal harmonies, the track became their first single, easily earning a slot on their Grammis-nominated debut, Opus Eponymous.

8. Ghuleh/Zombie Queen

Infestissumam’s stunning fifth track was somewhat lost in the playful reverie of tracks like Secular Haze and Body And Blood. However, it remains one of the most important offerings in the band’s catalogue, revealing Ghost’s ambitions as extending far beyond the safe confines of 80s hard rock. Opening with soft, mournful piano and Papa’s spectral hiss, Ghuleh/Zombie Queen builds into a dizzying freakout of carnivalesque organs and punchy surf-rock tempos, finally erupting into a full-throttle rocker. Clocking in at seven-and-a-half minutes, Ghuleh/Zombie Queen established that even as they mined the familiar veins of the classic rock landscape, Ghost were anything but predictable.

7. Ritual

For many, the third track of the band’s debut served as their introduction to Ghost, a stupidly-addictive ode to the polished hard rock stylings of 70s legends like Blue Öyster Cult and Pentagram. Velvety swaths of organ meld with a driving bassline, crunchy riffs and golden vocal harmonies that cut a jarring contrast against lyrics so overtly Satanic that they include a Luciferian “Our Father” just for good measure. Other throwback outfits had managed to tap into the polished studio sound of 70s hard rock, but their inability to convert that sound into memorable new hits left the genre feeling uninspired. With Ritual, Ghost established that their ability to channel the spirit of their influences into bona fide, stadium-rocking anthems left them without peer.

6. Cirice

Edging out the likes of Slipknot and Lamb Of God, Cirice snagged the 2016 Grammy award for Best Metal Performance, catapulting the band further into the mainstream. Where the previous album had balanced the guitar tones much more evenly alongside bass and keyboards, third album Meliora saw the band shift their focus back onto the power of the mighty riff, with Cirice leading the way. Behind its spine-chilling opening melody and the slashing momentum of the verse, the band’s most successful single (to date) is a maelstrom of darkened riffs interspersed with dramatic flourishes of piano and infectious, shout-at-the-ceiling chorus.

5. Year Zero

Great satire uses subtlety to separate the ones who get it from the ones who don’t. From the opening notes of their 2010 demos through the commercial triumphs of Prequelle, Ghost flaunt a superb ability to take their Satanic pageantry to absurdly-exaggerated heights, while leaving just the teensiest, tiniest speck of doubt that, “Holy shit, these guys just might be serious after all.” Year Zero straddles the line between its over-the-top, ‘Hail Satan’ lyricism and a ginormous chorus, bursting with sugary pop hooks. It’s a weird balance that dominates the Ghost catalogue, with themes of darkness and inhumanity woven into bright, hopeful melodies that in lesser, more literal hands, might end up as sappy ballads or generic radio rock. Subtle and affecting, you’ll find yourself still humming Year Zero days after you’ve last heard it.

4. Con Clavi Con Dio

Deus Culpa opens Ghost’s studio debut with the baroque purr of an organ but it’s the swinging thrust of the bassline in Con Clavi Con Dio that establishes that we’re a long, long way from church. Everything that you love about Ghost is here in spades – smooth layers of guitars, keyboards and gauzy atmospherics, with more hooks than a coat room. But it’s the otherworldly melodies that most closely identify Ghost – eerie note choices that centre on the tritone interval, aka 'The devil’s interval.' This interval dominates Con Clavi Con Dio, investing the track with a menacing sense of sacrilege and some of the finest riffs the band have ever composed.

3. Rats

Though Prequelle draws heavily upon the themes and imagery of the Black Plague to inform its identity, it fits equally well in our current turbulent landscape. With its growling opening riffs, pummelling tempos and fist-in-the-air refrain, Rats sees the band again celebrating their melodic hard rock influences, mixing in a bit more of NWOBHM swagger and just a dash of Swedish pop (to wit: the “ooh-aah” after the word ‘Rats,’ in the chorus). Although it follows the album’s intro, Ashes, it’s the first proper track on the record, heralding something fierce, new and aggressive. In the wake of 2016’s lineup change, Rats is the sound of Forge doubling down on his commitment to evolving Ghost’s sound while retaining its most familiar elements.

2. Miasma

Let’s cut to the chase – there’s a goddamned saxophone solo on this track – and it’s glorious! One of Prequelle’s two magnificent instrumentals, Miasma sees the band voyaging into the cosmic recesses of 80s prog, with a blitz of synths, dramatic atmospherics, kaleidoscopic dual fretwork and yes, a sax solo at the end. Like many of their finest tracks, Miasma twists and evolves into something entirely different from its opening; in this case, it begins with a moody slab of space rock, but the final minutes see the track gathering into a breathtaking barrage of steely riffs, slamming tempos and a not-so-subtle nod to the King Of Pop himself, Michael Jackson (see minute 4:04). Ambitious, expertly polished and catchy as hell, the beings of the Universe will still be listening to Miasma long after our species has left the planet.

1. Square Hammer

With its serpentine melodies, pounding rhythms and a chorus large enough to swallow a black hole, the opening track of 2016’s Popestar, the band’s second studio EP, sees Ghost at their catchiest. From start-to-finish, Square Hammer is an absolute belter, delivering chugging riffs, groovy guitar solos and a siege of slamming, radio-friendly hooks. The only original track on the EP, Square Hammer quickly ascended to Number One on Billboard’s Mainstream Rock list and it remains a set-ending staple of their live show, due to its soaring energy and shout-out refrain. Square Hammer is one of those rarified hits that people tend to play with back-to-back-to-back devotion for days and even weeks at a stretch. The fact that Ghost are releasing some of the most vital and enjoyable music of their career bodes exceedingly well for the future of Cardinal Copia and his cursed congregation.

So happy Elizabeth is on there! 

Don’t know if you have answered this before, but what would be the best tabletop RPG for a mecha game? Specifically the anime Robotech. I realize there is an actual Robotech RPG but it is pretty terrible. Thanks!

Depends. Do you want good mechanical support for the crunchy hardware porn? The teenage relationship drama and saving the universe through the power of pop music? Both at the same time?

If your priority is the crunchy hardware porn - and if you don’t mind a vehicle creation system that wants you to derive the odd cube root - you might have a look at Silhouette CORE. It’s the system behind a number of popular mecha games like Jovian Chronicles and Heavy Gear, and while in terms of anime influences it generally leans more toward the grounded end of the Gundam franchise than anything else, it can do Robotech adequately if the hardware is where you want the rules to focus.

Teenage relationship drama and saving the universe with pop music? If being so indie it hurts isn’t a problem for you, you could have a look at Mobile Frame Zero: Firebrands, a GM-less, semi-diceless quasi-LARP whose tagline is, and I quote: “Fight with your friends. Ally with your rivals. Fall in love with your enemies.” Basically no crunch to speak of, though it notionally occupies the same setting as Mobile Frame Zero: Rapid Attack, a pick-up-and-play tabletop wargame where you build your own mecha minfigs out of Lego, so if you really want to have it both ways could run both games at once, switching back and forth as needed.

(MFZ: Firebrands would probably also be a decent system for a game inspired by @worstgirlsgames’ Heaven Will Be Mine, incidentally; I know some of this blog’s followers are keenly anticipating the latter, so consider this a drive-by recommendation for you!)

As for doing both the hardware porn and the relationship drama as a single all-in-one package, you might find Chris Perrin’s Mecha to your liking. It’s not one of my favourites because the goddamn header typeface is practically unreadable, and poor typography is unforgiveable in my books, but if you can look past that it strikes a nice balance between gearhead-friendly mecha crunch and goofy interpersonal drama, with just enough of a feedback loop between the two to give players an incentive to change it up from scene to scene without making it feel mandatory to spend exactly the right number of scenes on either.

Q2 2018 playlist 

click above to listen on spotify // img credit

Love Galore - SZA & Travis Scott. Perfect beat for a chill summer day, and I love the slight wavers on the synth pads. Both of them have a meandering delivery that makes this sound like a freestyle and I can almost imagine sitting and watching this happen on a summer evening at some house party.

Little Lies - Fleetwood Mac. Periodically my opinion on the best Fleetwood Mac song changes and right now this is the one that I seriously cannot get enough of. The bassline is so active and full of motion, all the other instruments have this sparkly quality to them, and the harmony on the chorus is just massive. Sorry, The Chain, but it’s time to take a backseat.  

Distance - Emily King. The moment when the song really gets going in earnest, around 40 seconds in, stops me in my tracks every time. This is such a slick little love song.

…..nat and Rox to Go First - Ezra Bell. I use a radio transmitter to play music in my truck and sometimes I’ll pick up other folks’ music if they pass by. This happened at a long stoplight, so I heard this song for the first time from some stranger’s car. I hope they enjoyed my Hot Chip song as much as I enjoyed this one.

Take Me Home, Country Roads - John Denver. For whatever reason this song is having a brief meme flare but I’m not complaining. It’s beautiful, gospelly Americana and you have to admit the chorus is well-designed; before you even understand what’s happening “WEST VIRGINIAAAAAA, MOUNTAIN MAMAAAAAAHHHH” emergies involuntarily from your mouth and you can practically feel the bolo tie manifesting around your neck.

Your Best American Girl - Mitski. I stuck this one on here first because I always fall for crunchy sound and drastic volume changes. Listening to the Song Exploder podcast she did gave me some extra appreciation for the soft bridge and the lyrics. I recently noticed how the chorus goes from “Your mother wouldn't approve of how my mother raised me / But I do, I think I do” to “But I do, I finally do.”

Sad Girl - Lana Del Rey. Lana has three types of songs: lapdance songs, cry songs, and cry while giving a lapdance song. Do not be misled by the name: this is straight lapdance song.

Mothers Of The Sun - Black Mountain. Building tension and louder instrumentals under a repeated couple of lines is so simple but so powerful. Plus I love how plaintive and almost girlish Amber Webber’s voice is and I think their best songs show off her range.

Lotta Years - Aesop Rock. A surprisingly cute song where he is baffled by The Youths and has an existential crisis after learning about hair extensions. His usual wordplay is pretty fun and I like the Run DMC sample in the background.

Human - Goldfrapp. Her vocals on the chorus are borderline annoying but the rest is so well-executed I can forgive it. Her voice is pretty well-suited to the 60’s-spy-movie sound and the little distortions and glitches make this song delightfully sinister rather than just campy.

Picture Perfect - Little Simz. This whole album is fucking great but this is an obvious centerpiece. That Balkan beat in the background is pretty unique for a hip hop song and fun as shit to listen to, and with the deftness and quickness of her delivery I find myself getting totally swept up in this song.

American Boy - Estelle & Kanye. This song came up because it recently turned ten years old and I would like to propose it a place in the Hall of Timeless Bops. It’s so much goddamn fun that it frequently makes me miss my turn if I listen while driving.

Spider Cider - Man Man. I think I described this out loud once roughly as: “Pirate Tom Waits and a cadre of goblin children running through a jumbled flea market and banging on random objects.” There’s so much going on in this song that I never can pay attention long enough to count each distinct percussion sound, but somehow it’s all airtight.

Anna Wintour - Azealia Banks. I never know what kind of wild shit Azealia is going to unleash on the world and every time I see her name trending I go “oh nooooo girl what did you say now” but turns out this time it was this absolute fucking banger.

Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves - Cher. I think people associate Cher with much clubbier music than this but I grew up with a cassette from her hippie goddess period and it’s just as great. Her voice here is just incredible.

All Your Gold - Bat For Lashes. Okay, I had to look up which song came out first because is this song not so much like “Somebody That I Used to Know”?!?! The instrumentation and the writing style has some very similar undercurrent I can’t put my finger on. This one came out a year later apparently and I wish I had known sooner because I got so fucking sick of hearing that Gotye song eight times a day, so this would have been a good substitute.

I Wanna Dance with Somebody (Who Loves Me) - Whitney Houston. This is just a gay club Mood and makes me wish I had been an 80s gay in some universe where Ronald Reagan died an early death.

Carolina - Kimbra. I had no idea but Kimbra is literally a genuis and everything she does is amazing. This was my favorite off her album but it wasn’t an easy choice. It’s just an awesome, upbeat, big song though maybe veering into corny car commercial territory.

Reincarnation - Susanne Sundfør. I listened to this song for the first time in the dark and once that breathy instrumentation came in my jaw literally dropped. This song is so moving and intimate.

Young Robot - Dance Gavin Dance. This band is so fucking weird and I very nearly wrote them off as some forgettable screamo. This is far from the most genre-bendy song on the album but the radio pop influence is strong in the melody. It’s just fucking catchy. I love the complete, dead silent halts at the end of each line in the verse.

King of Hearts - Little Simz, Chip, Ghetts. That dark, creepy beat is outstanding on its own but once those horns come in? Fuuuuck. I’m also very fond of the transition where Chip starts a line about taking off heads and Little Simz finishes it, like a baton handoff.

GO! - Santigold & Karen O. Heard this one in this season of the Handmaid’s Tale and it reminded me of the same thing I think every time I hear anything off this album -- the world was not ready for Santigold. We seriously had no fucking idea what genius she was dropping on us and it took like four years for us to get it. The only thing about this song is that honestly Karen O is just being a parody of herself here and doesn’t add much to it.

Watching The Planets - The Flaming Lips. Just some eerie, heady psychedelic din. I love the contrast between the pretty music-box sounding keys and the hard, driving crunchiness of everything else.

Love Lies - Khalid & Normani. Sry 2 b corny but this is honestly a very sweet song about two people trying to be vulnerable with each other and that swaying pace is perfect for it. I also love the throatiness and slight rasp they both have in their vocals.

This Time Last Year - Rina Sawayama. Bout time someone stepped up to keep the solo female artist piano ballad vibe alive. That shit is timeless.

Sound of War - Susanne Sundfør. This is such a precise, delicate song. I think she is so impossibly good that sometimes she seems like an alien, but once I stop sitting in envious awe I notice that her voice is expressive and gives a lot of life to the song too. And I swear I could listen to like three more minutes of that high-low humming bit.

Week In Review: New Songs / Music Videos You Need to Check Out (October 6-12, 2019)

Another week has come and gone, and with it came a lot of new music. This week saw some great new songs and music videos hit the internet, especially when it came to rock and pop, including tracks from the likes of Green Day, Yungblud, Noah Cyrus, Bishop Briggs and more.

Vinyl Bay 777, Long Island’s music outlet, loves new music. That’s why we’ve once again scoured the internet for some of the week’s best new songs and music videos. Here are seven (and a few more), that we think are worth taking a look back at this weekend.

1.       Green Day, “Fire, Ready, Aim”: Whether people like it or not, Green Day is very good at writing catchy songs and doing it unapologetically. Their latest single, “Fire, Ready, Aim,” is just that. It’s spinning, surf-rock/garage-rock guitars grab your attention and make you want to move. The bass and drum have that classic Green Day feel, not losing sight of the band’s backbone sound within all the experimentation. Like with “Father of All…,” the sound is very Foxboro Hot Tubs by way of The Replacements, which is a direction the band has been veering towards for a while. (video)

2.       Yungblud feat. Dan Reynolds, “Original Me”: Yungblud and Imagine Dragons don’t really seem like two artists whose sounds would work well together. And to be honest, they don’t. Imagine Dragons frontman Dan Reynolds feels a bit lost on the track since it’s not really the kind of music he’s usually associated with. That being said, the song itself is solid. Yungblud and Reynolds trade off vocals pretty cleanly as the song marches forward with that edgy punk-rap swagger that has made the former so popular recently. (video)

3.       Noah Cyrus, “Lonely”: Noah Cyrus’ latest single “Lonely” is a passionate plea for someone to hear her struggling. The song’s minimalistic instrumentation only amplifies its message and intensity, making her lightly husky voice a powerful focal point. (video)

4.       Bishop Briggs, “Jekyll & Hide”: Bishop Briggs’ deep, rough voice is perfect for the slinky-yet-sharp dual personas of her latest single “Jekyll & Hide.” The song is melodic at the verse and tough and cold at the chorus and breakdown, giving it a good sonic representation of the story it’s based on. The beat drop is enough to make you want to bob your head along. (video)

5.       Cursive, “I Am Goddamn”: “I Am Goddamn” has a sound that’s reminiscent of ‘Happy Hollow’-era Cursive. Backed by crunchy guitars, the song’s melody is heavy and harsh. Its stop-and-go pacing, as well as Tim Kasher’s sometimes panicked vocal, contributes to the song’s hurried feeling. (video)

6.       Liz Phair, “Good Side”: “Good Side” marks Liz Phair’s return to music after nearly a decade away, and what a way to return. Mellow and melodic, the song’s slow, honest delivery recaptures the vibe of her early work, only less upbeat. (video)

7.       Simple Plan, State Champs & We The Kings, “Where I Belong”: Many bands will release an EP when they want to promote a stacked tour line-up. Simple Plan has taken that notion a step further with “Where I Belong,” a new single that also features tour mates State Champs and We The Kings. Considering there are three bands on the track, it’s actually very balanced. It sounds like a collaborative effort that finds a meeting point between all of their sounds rather than each band dragging the sound to make it more one style or another. If you’re into early 2000s pop-punk, in fact, you should definitely give this a listen. (video)

Further Listening:

·         Maria Taylor, “Spinning Wheel”: (video)

·         The Damned, “Black Is The Night”: (video)

·         Tim Barry, “Big Ships”: (video)

This week saw a long of great new rock and pop songs hit the internet for our listening pleasure. With the long Columbus Day weekend here, now is the perfect time to take a look back at the week’s best tracks. Check out some of our favorites above and let us know what new tracks you’ve been digging this week.

                                                           ---

Discover music new and old at Vinyl Bay 777. As Long Island’s top new independent record shop we have thousands of titles to choose from in a wide variety of genres. Browse our selection of new and used vinyl records, CDs, cassettes, music DVDs, memorabilia and more in store at our Plainview location or online at vinylbay777.com. Whether you’re looking for something new to you or to rediscover the classics, we have you covered. And with more titles being added to our selection all the time, you never know what you might find at Vinyl Bay 777.

“I’m not gonna pull an all-nighter this year,” you say as you set up your study space for the new semester.  “No, sir, new year, new me.  There will be no all-nighters this time around.” You remember the way your eyes burned and mind went into an emergency fog to preserve what little functions you had remaining as you churned out your closing argument around 5:30 AM.  This year will be different, you affirm as you scribble down important dates on your calendar, set up phone reminders, sticky tab your bujo, and plan out how you’re gonna break down major papers on a weekly basis.

You eventually start ignoring notifications, and those weekly paper to-do’s become devoted to more urgent assignments.  Hey, it happens.  You have time, you’ve got a month to go, this is doable in a month.  A month turns into a week, and then suddenly you’ve got a little over 24 hours left before it’s due and you’re stuck wondering how this happened.

Let’s be real, no matter how much you preemptively plan this out, you will likely pull an all-nighter for one class.  The key is to not freak out.  You got this, and I’m gonna show you how.

Step 1: Getting Ready

i) Spend a few minutes panicking.  Get it all out of your system before you get started.  You’re gonna wanna go totally zen for this, so make sure to do what you need to do to get there.  Cry for a bit, scream into a pillow, do a couple dozen pushups, plank for a few minutes, start a liveblogging chain on your studyblr...you do you.

ii) Get comfortable.  If comfortable for you is a chair and desk, get some cushions for the chair.  If comfortable is your bed, pile a bunch of pillows in the corner and lean back.  If comfortable is sitting in the lotus in the common room...do that.

iii) Get all your supplies: plug in your laptop, charge your phone, grab your textbook, get the assignment sheet out...you’re not moving for a while.

Step 2: The Hype

i) No coffee, no tea.  Not yet.  Go get one of the biggest containers of coke/pepsi you possibly can.  Like.  30 oz.  Make sure it’s cold, throw in some ice cubes, and chug that shit like you’re a frat boy doing a keg stand.  You’re gonna need as much caffeine as possible.

Step 3: The Body Building

i) You all likely know what your paper is about and you probably already have a couple sources lined up from when you had to hand in your approval forms.  This is good.  You have your thesis, you have a few starting sources.  

ii) Don’t do the intro first.  Why introduce something that doesn’t exist yet? Plug in your thesis up top and move on to your first paragraph.  You can do your intro at the end.  

iii) PPE isn’t going to work here.  Your paragraph should be more or less focused around one topic and should do the following: bring up the proof, discuss it for a bit, link it to another study (professor’s love it when you mention two studies together) and point out commonalities between them.  It makes your argument stronger.  Discuss why these studies are important, what’s the impact...why should we care, basically? How do these studies prove your thesis? Keep this up for all your body paragraphs.  If you can link topics between paragraphs, even better.

iv) On the topic of linking studies, if you can find a disparity, even better.  Explain why, despite them both proving your point, one has a hole in it.  For example, I did a paper on depression once and I found two articles: one that discussed the rates of depression between African-American and Caucasian students, and males and females within those two ethnicities.  This paper mostly focused on the socioeconomic factors surrounding the school community and how that affected them.  I found another paper that mentioned that one gender was more predisposed to experiencing depression than the other, and linked that to the first paper to help explain why it seemed like one of the genders, despite them being of different ethnicities, seemed to experience depression at a higher rate.  Build on this stuff.  

v) If you’re allowed to...use some stuff out of your class lectures.  This shows that you’re really understanding what you’re learning and you’re making real life connections.  Cite it, obviously, but...you get the point.

Step 4: The Sources

i) You’re pulling an all-nighter; you don’t have time to plow through twenty pages of academic jargon to see if it fits.  Time for you to employ the rush method: read the intro, the thesis, skip all the procedural stuff and the charts, and jump to the discussion bit.  This is the part that contains the ‘does this information help prove my point’ chunk of your paper.  If it does, scroll up and check out those charts.  Numbers will definitely help strengthen your argument.  Cite, and move on.  Repeat until you meet your minimum amount of sources.  I’d suggest grabbing an extra two or three sources so it makes it look like you spent a while researching.

ii) Generally speaking, avoid using papers older than you are.  Unless you really, really need it.

Step 5: The Conclusion

i) This is the easiest part.  Restate your thesis (differently, obviously) and mention the importance of this research.  

ii) MENTION FURTHER RESEARCH.  Explain what else kind of research can be done in this field.

iii) I always like to call this bit the mic-drop moment: this is the moment you’re completing everything.  You’ve been up 18 hours.  You’re exhausted.  This is your magnum opus.  Your clapback.  Your shutdown.  The line that has your professor waking up at 4 AM going ‘godDAMN that was so good’.  Write your concluding sentence.

iv) lmao syke, you have to go back and write your intro.  This should be easier.  Explain your topic, toss in your thesis, and tell the reader why you’re even doing this.  What’s the point.  Why this topic of all topics.  Again - why should we care?

Step 6: The Stuff You Should Be Doing In-between

i) Finish that coke before you touch the coffee.  No tea, that makes you sleepy.  Make sure your coffee is black and as bitter as possible.  You’re staying awake, not watching raindrops fall on a Sunday afternoon.

ii) Take a break every half hour.  Do some walking around.  Drink water.  Spend ten minutes watching a short vine compilation about school.  Don’t think about your paper for these few minutes.

iii) SNACKS.  Snacks are important, you need energy.  Eat some bananas, or cereal, or yoghurt.  Something filling and that’s likely gonna give you energy.  Crunchy is also good, but crunchy starts getting annoying around 4 AM when even your heartbeat is driving you nuts.

iv) Music.  No classical music, no studying music, nothing soft.  Hit up some EDM.  This should be loud and annoying enough to keep you from sleeping.  

v) Close your eyes for five minutes every hour or so.  Set an alarm.  

vi) Get up and stretch when your back starts hurting.  

vii) Give yourself a reward for every paragraph finished.  Eat candy.  Watch a short video.  You wanna motivate yourself.

Step 7: The Recovery

i) Hand in your paper and forget it ever existed.  Now it’s you time.

ii) If you’re anything like me, it will be close to lunchtime when you’re done.  Go get something to eat.  Treat yourself.  You can drink tea now.  Come back to your dorm and eat.

iii) Clean up your dorm, it’ll be a mess from the night before.  Make sure your bed has new sheets.

iv) Go take a hot bath.  Wash your hair.  Shave.  Brush your teeth.  Twice, cause that caffeine will have dried your mouth out.  This is self-care time.

v) Come back to your room.  Draw the drapes, shut off the lights, and sleep.  Sleep for 15 hours.  You earned it.

Step 8: Get Your Paper Back

i) Yikes, it’s a month later.  You’re panicking.  Go zen again.

ii) Open up blackboard.  Exhale.  Open that result.

iii) Oh shit, you got a 95, nice going!

Step 9: Promise to Never do that Again.

Step 10: Do It Again Next Year.

And this is the 10 step process that has continually given me high nineties and put me, bare minim, 20% over the class average.  This is more geared towards university and college students and research/academic papers, but I can do one for high school students and physical projects, if you guys want.  

 Periplaneta americana, house of Blattodea, 165,257,343,251st of her name. You lost. You are quite dead. However, I must give credit where it's due. There are around 4,400 species of cockroach but so far you, and only you (and your conspecifics) cause me debilitating fear. For most of my life I have worked with animals that physically outmatch me in every way, and I'm fond of many that others find repulsive or terrifying. I adore sharks, I own a snake, I happily relocate lost spiders, and I'm even down with your fat Madagascan relatives. BUT YOU. You are Satan's flying woodchip. You are a goddamn living shadow. You make me question my peripheral vision. You make me afraid of my own garage. You make me flip on the lights and freeze like a deer about to walk into a clearing. You had me poking things with sticks and broom handles, all clenchable things clenched. Every imagined movement deducted three weeks from my life. Devil woman, my garage was coated in such a generous layer of diatomaceous earth it looked like a coke bust went sideways. You should've all been crunchy desiccated crumbs the moment you set feets inside. Yet there you were, happily squatting out Valu-Paks of your crotchfruit forcing me to play the most unfavorable round of hide-and-seek I never wanted. My phobia was overtaken by The Big Rage triggered by your violations. You and your stinky fam poopded on my belongings! Your neighbors were living in my Shop-Vac?! While I appreciate the irony and your sense of humor, fuck you very much. For a while, I only saw egg cases. I can't believe you make those with your butt. You're a disgrace. It took me a few seconds to see your oscillating feelydoodles. I don't know what you were saying but I know it was rude. I'm Ripley. I'm in the hive. The queen is indeed a bitch and will not get away from anyone. I do not have a flamethrower or sex appeal. Just a broom and a fresh can of Raid. Now, I'm fairly sure you took a direct hit to whatever the equivalent of your face is. I expected some death throes, spiky little lobster legs flailing, maybe some fear poops (from her or me, I'm not telling). I did not anticipate you vaulting over the defiled old weight belt and basically apparating towards the corner in which I was already cowering. I didn't know I could move backwards and sideways so quickly, so thank you for that discovery. This actual demon chased me the entire length of the garage while being assaulted with paralytic chemicals, driven by hatred and whatever Hell beasts use to power themselves in our world. There was no dramatic music which was a bit of a let-down, if I'm honest. After I was reasonably sure you were dead (are we ever really sure?) I very much savored killing your unborn children and throwing them into the dumpster with the things you called home. If it were my dumpster, I would have set it ablaze and walked away in slow motion. You are vile. You are dreadful. But for this entire ordeal, you and your kind OWNED ME. Completely consumed my life. I need a pacemaker and LifeAlert. I hate you, but I respect you. Your service was well-attended by your brethren the termites. Lots of ants showed up for some reason, can't imagine why. Regrettably, your immediate family was unable to attend due to being poisoned and dismembered by myself and the person I was mostly hiding behind and flapping my hands at. The mantids send their regards but were not present. They're probably too embarrassed of their close relation to your ilk. I hope you are enjoying the extended clan reunion in the ever-smoldering underworld.