Tumgik
#and then he gets online and starts tweeting that someone should shut up and that they’re annoying
tiredsadpeach · 1 year
Text
More lore about the friend that is mad at me
1 note · View note
Text
Just a Kurt Kunkle x reader drabble
You’ve seen Kurt get angry. Not just pissed off, ranting to you for hours, as he swears, and throws his arms around, while pacing around your bedroom mad - at least until you give him a good riding and angry fuck. But properly angry. So overcome with changing into this... this person who just shuts down, and got murderous.
You’d seen it twice. Once, with Bobby after publicly shaming Kurt for being a creepy stalker or something. Tweeting about him while right in front of Kurt. Who had only asked (to be fair, for the thirty second time) for the password to Bobby’s party. He might’ve effectively cancelled Kurt, if Kurt had been big enough for that effort.
But as Kurt watched Bobby make derogatory statements about him online, to the ‘fans’ he and Bobby shared, to the Basecamper’s, and the others who may attack Kurt, even more than he already was online, Kurt was silent. Something your boyfriend never was.
The way he glowered at Bobby, no pleading in his eyes that he usually gave the younger man, was deeply chilling. A side you hadn’t yet seen from him, someone who really was troubled, as his peers and family occasionally, you thought had joked, to you.
His fists clenched by his side, eyes staring up at the boy he’d babysat from behind his bucket hat and his fringe. You saw him shaking, not out of fear, or embarrassment, or whatever Bobby was trying to make Kurt, but with pure rage. Maybe effort to stop himself from slamming Bobby’s phone down, and you wouldn’t be surprised if he’d broken Bobby’s arm at the same time.
You’d managed to damage control in that moment. Bobby had still tweeted, and even though you knew it wouldn’t really affect Kurt with his low numbers, you knew he wouldn’t for a second think the same. But you’d managed to control the situation just enough, for you to all back off amicably. But as you linked arms with Kurt, when you were finally ready to pull him away, you felt how hot his skin was, how his muscles tensed, how stoney Kurt was. And you were scared that moving him would set him off. Set him free.
Luckily, with your arm wrapped around his, and your hand holding Kurt’s, as you gently begged him to come with you, he did so. And you left, wondering if your boyfriend really was okay.
After a sleep though, he was your same, loveable Kurt. Who this time was crying into your side, for fear people would be mean to him online, after what Bobby had done. And asking you for advice, advice on if he should post an apology or not, or record his side of the story or anything.
Rather than doing something about it.
Then the other instance, was when Kurt picked up a passenger as he had you in the front seat. It’d started well enough, Kurt quickly explaining who you were with a “Hope you don’t mind!” Smiles the whole start of the trip when picking this guy up, and holding your hand that he brought to his lips, as the guy said it was no big deal. Kurt didn’t even look back to him, he didn’t think much of him at all. He just gave a polite “thanks man” as he kept smiling to you, kissing your hand once again. Holding it the entire beginning of his drive.
But then this man had started getting creepy to you. Sexist, too, with the things he ‘expected’ of women. When he put his hand on your shoulder, that’d been the breaking point for Kurt. Who’d been defending you so chivalrously the entire time.
The argument outside the car, after Kurt had swerved to a stop at the touch, and nearly killed the guy in the process who wasn’t wearing a seatbelt (because he’d moved to middle seat to be closer to you), it just made things worse. Luckily he’d only banged his head, although you thought Kurt would be remiss if it was much worse.
There was no stammering, no Kurt trying to keep everything ‘chill’ afterwards. Just a proper rant built up in Kurt, as they both yelled at each other.
You saw Kurt’s eyes dart through his car’s front window, to the steering wheel, and as a huff of breath left through his flared nose, you swore you could read Kurt’s mind at that moment. And found yourself lucky that Kurt wasn’t in the car just then, and the guy outside. Because you were so sure he would’ve ran that man over. Without a care, any care at all. That Kurt would’ve done it, if he had been in his drivers seat.
The only times you got close to seeing this look, anywhere near you, was when Kurt was being very dominant in bed. It was different, of course. He didn’t look anywhere near like he wanted to kill you. But that strength, that composure, that wall behind his eyes that you hardly ever saw, and just made him seem so in charge... you felt like sinking into his arms in those moments. Doing anything he wanted. Which usually, when he was like this, was him wanting to governingly take care of you in the first place. As long as you promised him to let him do so.
You didn’t realise that look was here today because Kurt had come straight home from killing that man in the car, who he just saw outside your window.
Usually Kurt would’ve been exuberant. Manic, so high with how he’d slam dunked like that. How he’d won. Hyper with glee at what he’d accomplished. Raving to his fans! But Kurt truly hated this man. He’d deep scrubbed his hands, so this bastard wouldn’t have to touch you again, and he’d gone straight into pushing your legs so far down into the mattress, wrapped so tightly around his face, you could only scream his name as he let himself ruin you with his mouth.
28 notes · View notes
Text
Tumblr media
twenty-five
word count: 7951
content warning: pregnancy, online hate, mental illness, Chris gets upset there is a lot of yelling and reaction on his part, IT'S THEIR FIRST BIG FIGHT GUYS
a/n: proofread by me so it likely isn't proofread that well and sorry for being gone so long <3
After the Greatest Showman was over, he looked over to see Nicole still sound asleep.
He wanted to sleep as peacefully as her. He just wanted to shut his mind off and be happy but he couldn’t. There was this non stop nagging feeling that the general public was tearing her apart. It happened before to his previous girlfriends, he would be stupid to believe that they would refrain from acting awful towards his wife. Grabbing his phone off the nightstand he saw that it was a little past four in the morning. With a sigh, he sat up and kissed the side of Nicole’s head. He paused as she stirred slightly before getting out of bed with the dogs. He grabbed a change of clothes and slumped out to the living room. He started to make his way to the couch but Dodger quickly directed his attention outside. “Yeah, you gotta go outside buddy?” The two barked in response causing him to quickly shush them, “Okay, okay, I get it. Don’t wake up the house.” He  turned on the porch lights and ushered them outside before sitting in one of the patio chairs and opening up his phone. Just as he suspected twitter was full of awful things. Tweets saying that Chris was only rushing into things because he was worried he was going to die alone, Nicole was his midlife crisis and he didn’t even love her, bets on when they would break up, if it was a PR stunt, old clips and photos questioning how a woman as ‘slutty’ as her could get with him, that the marriage wouldn’t last once the pandemic was over. 
He couldn’t take it. 
It was days like this when he hated his career. 
He hated his fame. 
He hated all of it. 
He just wished that he could’ve grown up a normal man in Massachusetts.
Dodger must’ve noticed something was wrong because the dog quickly ran over and dropped one of his tennis balls at his feet. With a sad smile, he gave his dog a good scratch behind the ear before getting up and throwing the ball. After an hour of play the two dogs were definitely getting tired and ready to head back inside. As the three of them made their way into the kitchen, he noticed it was 5:28 am. With a sigh he pulled out his phone again and called his mom before beginning to make himself some coffee.
“Hello?” A tired voice answered.
“Hey ma, it’s me.” 
“Is everything okay? Is Nicole and the baby-”
“Everything’s fine. Well it’s not, I just figured you would be awake. I need someone to talk to.” 
“Well, normally I sleep in on Saturday but, yeah. Just give me a moment.”
“Oh shit.” He sighed hearing the muffled sounds of her moving on the other side of the phone, “I’m sorry, I didn’t even realize what day it was.” 
“It’s no problem. When it comes to being a parent there aren’t really days off for that. You’ll figure that out soon enough.” She let out a small laugh as she sat in her living room, “Now what’s going on?” 
“Me and Nicole…We announced our pregnancy to the world last night.”
“Oh?”
“And it went just about as well as you would expect.” 
“Oh.” There was a noticeable shift in her tone. “Is she okay?”
“She isn’t reading it. She’s honestly sleeping the best she has in months. I’m the one that…I looked at what people were saying and now I can’t stop thinking about them.” 
Lisa stuttered over her words before taking a deep breath to pause before asking, “Are you having second thoughts about your family?”
“No, no, no.” Chris quickly replied. “I’m not having second thoughts about her or the baby. I don’t think I should be an actor anymore. If this is how the world is going to treat my family, I don’t think I can put up with it anymore.” 
“Well, you have been towing that line for a while now but if you think that is going to help you’re mistaken.”
“What do you mean?”
“Do you think Nicole wants to be seen as the reason you quit acting?”
Chris quickly interjected, “That won’t be-”
“That’s what the public will think though, isn’t it? That’s what you’ll read. It’s not going to go away.” The line went quiet causing Lisa to sigh before continuing, “I think you need to sit down and take some time to yourself today. We both know you think better when you’re alone. Why don’t you shut yourself in your office and give yourself time to calm down?” 
“How do I know when it’s a good idea to come out of my office?”
Lisa sighed, “Well, I would say when you’ve made a decision about your career or you have calmed down enough to talk to Nicole in a way that won’t upset either of you. And with her being pregnant it’s going to be even harder. Just try not to think about random idiots online, okay? Do your meditations. Think about the things that bring you joy in life. This isn’t the end of the world no matter how much it feels like it.”
“Okay.” He said with a sigh, “Thank you for talking to me.”
“Of course, honey. That’s what I’m here for. Are you gonna be okay?”
“I think so… I just wish I wasn’t so mad.”
“You’re only mad because you care. Just try and make sense of it before you talk to her. If worse goes to worst you can always call me over and I can try to mediate.”
Chris let out a pained laugh, “Hopefully it won’t come to that but thank you. 
Chris knocked on Scott’s door although he was sure he wouldn’t be up yet. After a few moments he entered the room and called out to his younger brother. It took a few times but Scott woke up a bit startled, “Me! Yup! What’s going on?!”
Chris walked over and placed a hand on his shoulder to calm him and put him back into bed, “Everything's fine. I just have a favor to ask.”
“Yeah, sure, a favor.” The man groggily repeated back to him before rubbing his face in an attempt to better wake up.
Chris sighed, “Can you hang out and wait for Nicole to wake up before going over to Carly’s?”
“Uh, yeah, sure. Anything wrong?”
“I’m considering retiring.”
“Again?”
“Okay, Scott, don’t be-”
“I’m sorry, I just, what happened?”
“The way people are attacking the two of us online, I don’t want to see that about my kids or have my kids exposed to that so young.”
Scott nodded, “I understand but also, it’s what you love. And if we’re being honest with each other, at the End Game premiere you said it felt like your acting career could finally take off in the direction you wanted.”
“That was before I met her.”
“And we also know that having her on your side at the red carpet was great because you finally felt like you had your other half to show and celebrate your art with.”
“Scott-”
“I’m sorry! I’m just trying to show you both sides of this. You can have your family and your career. Just try and think it all through before you make any crazy decisions, okay? You’re the one that fucking woke me up before the sun.”
Chris sighed and started walking towards the door, “Just wait for Nicole to wake up and tell her I’m doing ASP things in the basement, okay?” 
“Yeah, sure.” Scott agreed with a mild frown before Chris shut the door to his guest room.
It wasn’t until nearly eleven that morning Nicole woke up with a yawn, puzzled to see she was the only one in bed. Wandering into the living room to see Scott watching a true crime show on Oxygen with the dogs on either side of him. “Have you seen Chris?”
“Uh, yeah, he’s in the basement doing business things. He said he didn’t want to wake you and he’d come upstairs once he was done.”
“Oh…Alright. I didn’t think he was working today.” She sat on the couch a few feet from him. 
“Something came up, nothing crazy, just political things. Do you want some breakfast? Or you wanna go get some coffee?“
“No, I'll probably just make a smoothie bowl in a while. Why are you dressed up in actual clothes?” 
“Oh, I was going to go over to Carly’s for the day and help the kids out with some school stuff before we have a sleep over because it’s the third Saturday.”
Nicole nodded, “Oh, I-yeah, once a month you do that. Sorry I just-“
“It’s okay, it’s been a hectic week for you guys.”
“Well, I’ve been fine… He’s another story.”
Scott nodded, “I know he is. What did you guys do after the announcement on stream?”
“Uhm, his phone went off so we had a moment in the kitchen but after that we ate cheesecake in bed while watching The Greatest Showman. I fell asleep during the Never Enough reprise. I woke up at three to go to the bathroom and cuddled back up to him but when I woke up he was gone.” 
All his little brother could do was sigh, “Chris is just an extremely emotional guy, he’ll calm down eventually and then you two will be back to being sappy teens in love. I’m sure of it.”
“Thanks Scott.” She gave him a sad smile before throwing a blanket over her. 
“Well, since you’re up I’m gonna head over there. Call if you guys need anything, okay?” He patted her knee as he got up and left through the garage.
Nicole didn’t know what to do. It had been four hours since Scott left, making it a little after three in the afternoon. Pulling out her phone, she decided to send Chris a text.
Nicole: Hey, I’m gonna start dinner. You want anything in particular?
Chris: No, I’m going to be in meetings for a while. Just eat without me. 
Nicole: You sure? I could bring it down to you, I don’t mind
Chris: No, I’m in a meeting. 
Nicole sighed and put her phone down. “Alright then.” 
It was weird that he had meetings on a Saturday and it was even weirder they were lasting this long. She reluctantly made herself dinner. Something small and light. A chicken salad sandwich and some chips before sitting outside with the dogs. She posted a few videos on her instagram story of the dogs running around together. 
It was a little after six and Chris still hadn’t come upstairs. With a sigh she went into her office and sat at her makeup filming desk. She pulled out some different products and drew a little frog on her stomach. She made her way back to the living room and sat on the couch with the dogs, “Should we watch another crime documentary until your dad comes back?” Kennedy barked in agreement causing her to smile before she opened up Hulu.
Tumblr media
Harpingerofchaos: I was going to draw a shrimp for bubba gump shrimp and then I realized I couldn't draw a shrimp. uhm, bubba meet instagram. Instagram meet bubba. 
The documentary was nearing its end when an exhausted Chris made his way into the kitchen.
Nicole turned and gave him a warm smile, “Hey, how was work?”
“Fine.”
“Uhm…Okay. I didn’t feel like cooking so I just had a sandwich. I hope that’s okay.”
“Yeah.” 
Nicole rested her arm on the back of the couch, propping her arm up to rest her head on, “Is everything okay?”
He shrugged and shut the fridge before looking around in the cabinets.
“Is it something I did? I can delete the photo of my belly if that’s-”
“No!” He yelled out and slammed the cabinet door shut before taking a moment to calm down. With a tight grip on the counter he spoke at a quieter volume. “It’s nothing you did, Nicole. Just…Give me a minute.” 
Nicole shrunk back into the couch fiddling with her sweater. She normally wouldn’t wear a sweater in the middle of September but their fall temperatures were Texas’ winter averages. And honestly, with how harsh his tone was, it was possible a cold snap was about to hit their sunshine marriage. 
Chris let go of the counter before looking over at her on the couch, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell.”
“It’s okay.” She mumbled and gave him a sad smile. 
“I just- have you seen some of the shit people are saying?”
“Yeah. People are making memes in my discord about it too. If anything it’s just made me miss my body like two years ago, that playboy shoot was incredible.”
“Nicole, this is serious.” 
“I know it is but all the things they’re showing are things that already existed. They were the things I was worried about your mom seeing but we moved past that.”
He shook his head as he began walking over to the couch, “This isn’t about modesty or anything like that. This is about people being vile.”
Nicole nodded, slightly confused, “I know, Chris. We knew people were vile and would continue to be vile but we announced it anyway.” 
“That doesn’t make it right.”
“I didn’t say it did.”
“I’m going to post something, people shouldn’t just-“ 
“Chris, it’s okay. I’m okay… It’s just the internet.”
“The internet kind of fucking sucks.” 
Nicole let out a little laugh, “Yeah, it can be a brutal place. I knew it would happen. I just didn’t think that many people would be so disgusted with the fact of me carrying your baby. I just need a new plan of attack, going to ban a few words, and we should be back to normal.” 
“Be back to normal?” He asked, clearly annoyed with her tone.
“Yes? It’s no big deal. Nothing to get upset over honestly.” She said with a shrug and another laugh.
“No! Goddammit Nicole! You don’t get to decide what I get to be upset over! This is entire situation is a fucking disaster and you’re laughing?! Not everything is a god damn joke but I guess you’re too fucking naïve to notice. You honestly see nothing wrong with how this hurts me and how it should hurt you? You really are a child aren’t you!?” He yelled at her, his body completely tense. 
Nicole sat frozen in fear, yet not being able to stop her lip from trembling. Looking over the man she loved, this was someone she didn’t recognize at all. She wanted to apologize, she wanted to say anything at all but nothing came out. As he unclenched his jaw and fists with a loud exhale, Nicole finally snapped out of it and pushed herself off the couch.
Chris sighed and started to make his way across the room to her, “Wait, I didn’t mean it like-“
“C'mon, Kennedy. Let’s go to bed.” 
He grabbed her arm, “Nicole, I-” 
“It’s fine…” She pulled her arm away and walked down the hall. She thought about going into the bedroom but felt awful making Chris sleep on the couch in his own home. Taking the roundabout way through his office and down the hall, she went into her office and slowly shut the door behind her. She sat on the floor behind her desk and Kennedy rested his head on her lap. The darkness of the room lit up from Nicole awakening her phone. She turned the brightness down and opened up one of the puzzle games on her phone.
She knew this would happen.
There’s always something that she does that causes people to fall out of love with her. She wanted to believe that Chris was different and could take all her quirks in stride but she knew.
As the burning tears obstructed her vision, she locked her phone and moved to laying on her side. Disturbed by her movements, Kennedy went to the small couch in her office to grab the big squishmallow from it so she could rest her head.
“Thank you Kenny, for always taking care of me.” She kissed the top of his head before he nudged her away and began licking her face. With a light laugh she patted his side, “I get it buddy, I get it. Let’s go to bed, okay?” Nicole asked before laying back on her side and curling up with the squishmallow. After she got settled Kennedy curled up behind the bend of her knees, resting his head on her calf.
She wasn’t sure how much time had passed. It wasn’t exactly easy falling asleep on the floor, especially with how pregnant she was. Normally she would turn on a podcast but she didn’t want the noise to give away her position and she wasn’t about to go searching for headphones right now.
She wasn’t sure how much time had passed but sure enough the door creaked open.
Chris’s voice called out, “I know you’re in here.” 
He was met with silence. A heavy sigh escaped him, “At least I hope you’re in here and not walking down the road in the middle of the night.”
He turned on the light, scared when he didn’t see her on the couch or in her chair before seeing part of the squishmallow sticking out from behind her desk. He slowly walked over and knelt down in front of her.
She grumbled in reaction to the light, throwing her arm over her eyes, “What? I gave you the bed.” 
“I don’t want the bed. Especially not when my pregnant wife is upset with me and I can’t sleep knowing you’re hurt. I’m not going to bed, not without you in it. Or at least not until you talk to me…It’s in our vows, Nicole.” 
The room was silent for a few moments before Nicole let out a sigh and uncovered her eyes and looked up at him, “I don’t want to talk about it.” 
“Okay, so let’s just go to bed.”
She began to sit up and Chris reached out to help her before she flinched away, scooting back closer against her desk
They had never had this before. 
This awkward uncertainty about their relationship and their emotions. This fear of saying the wrong thing or hurting the other. 
Nicole’s face fell into a small frown, “I'm sorry.”
“No, I'm sorry.”
Tilting her head to the side, she saw his red and puffy eyes. He had been crying. “Please, just come to bed with me…I'll do everything I can to fix it tomorrow, just please.” He pleaded, his voice was now weak. Extremely softer than the tone he had taken with her earlier. Nicole sighed, “You scared me earlier…” 
Chris sat in front of her on the ground realizing it might be best to talk here, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to raise my voice at you like that it won’t happen again I don’t-I don’t know what happened. I just-” 
“It’s okay. I don’t want you to have to walk on eggshells around me but-” 
“I can handle it when people talk that way about me. I don’t handle it well, but I handle it. I can’t handle it with you. You don’t deserve that and it hurts me. It hurts me because they’re doing it because of me. That isn’t right and it isn’t fair. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me and they don’t get to talk about you that way.” He sat in front of her completely defeated.
She lightly rubbed his arm, “You can’t take it so personal, I… They aren’t the ones hurting me. You yelling at me hurts me. They’re just names on a screen to me.” 
“I don’t know how to think of it like that, how to compartmentalize it like you do.” 
“Okay, just hold onto me and we’ll get there… okay?” Chris nodded as she got up and straddled his lap. He wrapped his arms around her waist, interlocking his hands together.
Nicole cupped his face in her hands and gave him a sad smile, “So, let’s help you see it like that. Did you leave any of the comments?” 
“No.” 
“Did I make any of those comments?” 
“No.”
“Mmkay, how about your brother?” 
“What? No, Scott loves you and he’s so excited to be an uncle again.” 
Nicole’s smile became a little more genuine, “Alright, your mom or your sisters?” 
“No, I don’t even think they-“ 
“Your marvel friends?” 
“No, I-I see what you’re doing.” 
Nicole nodded, “These people don’t know us. We can’t control what they think of us or what they post, but we can control how we react.” 
“And what do you think we should do?” 
“Ignore them… Keep living and posting as normal. Life on the internet is so much simpler when you don’t focus on them, okay?” 
Chris pressed her forehead against hers, “I love you.” 
“I know you do and I love you too. I’m not worried about what the people say, I’m worried that it’ll get to you.” 
“And I’m worried that it’ll get to you and you’ll leave because it always gets to be too much for people.” 
Nicole shook her head, “I grew up with internet hate my entire life, it’s not going to phase me. Just don’t read it, and if you do read it and it gets to you. Just find me, just come hold my hand or hug me, kiss me, anything really. I'm not going anywhere. And I know that whenever you hug me, I feel a hundred times better.” 
“Really?”
 “I feel so safe and so loved right here.” She kissed his forehead before resting his head on her shoulder, “I do think we should get up soon because even though I love you and this my left leg is falling asleep sitting like this .” 
Chris laughed slightly, “Yeah, we should definitely move this to a comfier location.” He let go of his grasp on her and Nicole scooted off his lap. Chris pulled himself off the ground with a small grunt before reaching down to pull her up. Nicole squeezed his hand before starting to walk out of the room, “You wanna join me in the shower?” 
“You sure? You aren’t worried about me getting into funny business in there?” 
“No,” Nicole paused to look back at him with a smile before walking into their bedroom, “You don’t make grabby hands when you’re this sappy.” 
“Is that a challenge?” 
Nicole shook her head with a small laugh before heading into the bathroom, “I guess I misspoke, it’s not a challenge and you do get grabby but in a kid needing a stuffed animal sort of way not a leave handprints, scream into the pillow kind of way.” Reaching in the shower she turned the water to warm leaning to hot before letting go of his hand. Nicole held her hand under the water for a few seconds before turning the water temperature down a bit before turning around. After taking off her shirt and tossing it on the floor, Chris pulled her close to him to kiss her. She smiled and pulled away, “What was that for?” 
“For being the best wife a man could ask for.” He said softly, placing his lips gently to her forehead before stepping away to pull off his shirt. 
Maybe she did overreact but when her previous partners did this, it meant goodbye. But now here they were, in their bathroom, getting ready for bed together. After she finished undressing, Nicole tugged on her sunflower printed shower cap and Chris turned to smile at her, “I really like that cap.” 
“Thank you.” She smiled at him, “I didn’t think you’d notice.”
“Well, we haven’t really showered together recently but I remember your previous cap was pink, right?”
She smiled and nodded, “With the big monstera leaves.”
“Yeah, and I liked that one too but you know.”
“It’s my nickname.”
“I haven’t called you sunflower in a while.”
Nicole smiled, “No but it’s still my name in your phone.”
“Fair point.” He said before holding open the glass door to the shower and motioning for her to enter first. Nicole kissed his cheek before carefully stepping into the shower. He followed in behind her and gently shut the door. Leaning against the tile, he watched as she lathered the soap and rubbed it on her body before rinsing the suds away. He kissed her shoulder before hugging onto her from behind. 
“This isn’t showering.” Nicole reminded him with a small smile. 
“I know. I know that, I just want to say something.”
Reaching up, she rubbed his arm, “Okay, whenever you’re ready.” 
Chris took a deep breath and started anxiously rubbing her stomach, “I’m sorry I was so combative. I’m sorry that I’m closed off sometimes. I’m used to handling things alone. No one stays with me either because I’m a mess. You’ve lived with me for months now you know I’m a mess. I'm up and down, I’m picky, I’m loud, I’m childish, I’m a lot to handle. I know that. I just need you to know that I love you. Through all the ups and downs I’m still gonna love you more than anything.”
“I love you too.” She said with a smile before turning around in his arms. Taking a deep breath she gently placed her hands on either side of his face, “When I’m a handful, do you think about breaking up with me?”
“No, I just want to know what’s wrong and help you move past it.”
“Exactly, so when things like this happen I only want to help you… It may take me a while because I’m emotional and dramatic too but I love you. I was going to make you those pesto eggs and those lemon blueberry cupcakes you liked tomorrow morning because I just needed time to cry and be pouty, but I didn’t hate you. I don’t hate you. I just needed to cry, and I don’t like to cry around people, especially not lovers. I’ve been told that I weaponize my emotions.”
“That’s not true, we’re a bunch of criers.” 
“A big ol’ bundle of cry babies.” She smiled at him before she paused. With a small huff her face fell into a pout and she ran her fingers through his slightly damp hair, “Who made you think you were such a bad guy?” 
“Well there’s gotta be a reason, y’know?” 
She tilted her head to the side still cradling his head in her hands, “A reason for what, baby?”
“A reason why I’ve made it to forty and never had a steady girlfriend or a family, anything really. I have to be a bad guy otherwise there’s no reason for me being alone all this time.” 
“I know you’re too nice of a guy to think so but maybe they were the problem, or I have better reason if you don’t like that one.” 
“What’s the other reason?”
“They weren’t meant for you.”
He instantly cheered up and smiled, causing her to smile and move her hands to his shoulders. “You were right, that is a better reason. That is the best reason.”
“We’re going to be okay.” She reassured him and he nodded.
“I know, I know. I just get so worried about losing you. You are so…Incredible and beautiful. And I know what you’ve been through and I don’t want to be another person that hurts you.”
“You won’t be.” He looked away from her before she spoke again, “Hey, look at me. You can’t hurt me like they did because I know you would never do it maliciously. What you’re doing, standing here with me right now, is solid proof you love and care for me.”
He continued to nod trying to hold back the tears that were forming, “I love you.”
She kissed his cheek before leaning back to smile up at him, “I love you too.”
Once they got out of the shower, he helped dry her off which she teased him for.
After hanging the towel up behind her, he cupped her head in his hands, “Squeaky clean from head to toe.” He kissed her on the nose to end his sentence causing her to giggle. 
“Thank you. Ready for bed?” 
“Ready to hold my beautiful wife while she watches the same American Dad episodes for the hundredth time? Absolutely.” 
She playfully pushed him away with a laugh before walking into their bedroom. “Okay boys, it’s bedtime.” She clapped her hands together and the dogs moved from the middle of the bed to the foot of the bed. The two crawled into their respective sides of the bed before Nicole scooted over to rest her head on his chest. 
Chris grabbed the remote and started navigating his way to Hulu, smiling to himself as she settled in, “Thank you for coming to bed.”
“Thank you for getting me off the floor.”
He kissed the top of her head before pressing play somewhere in the middle of season eight and setting the remote back on the nightstand. He rubbed her arm slightly before asking, “Is it too much to ask for you to still make those cupcakes?”
Nicole laughed and patted his side, “I will make them if you promise to make dinner.” 
“I’ll make dinner for the rest of the week if I get even six of those cupcakes.” 
“Hmm, consider it a deal.” 
“I’m so sorry, Nicole.”
“I know…And it’s okay. Just don’t shut me out again. Don’t let it get you worked up, okay?”
He inhaled sharply as his anxiety kicked in knowing he would likely react like this again. “Okay, I’ll try.”
“You don’t have to be perfect, we just…Need to work on things together.”
“I agree. I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry too. I’m sorry for running.”
“You’re fine, I shouldn't have yelled. I just kept all that rage in me all day, I should’ve calmed down before I came upstairs. I tried to, that’s why I was down there so long.”
“It’s okay. We’re all okay.” 
He kissed the top of her head before moving his hand to her baby bump, “I love you both.”
“We love you too.” She said with a smile before closing her eyes and getting ready to fall asleep.
The next morning, their connection was still a little off. That awkward stage of trying to come back from the near breaking point. His alarm went off at nine and after turning it off he rolled over to kiss her forehead, “Sorry about that, you go back to sleep.”
“You better not go anywhere.”
He let out a tired chuckle, “I’m not, I promise.”
They slept in for another two hours before the dogs began to get restless. After making and eating breakfast, Chris decided to take the dogs for a long walk while Nicole baked the cupcakes she promised.
Nicole put another dozen cookies in the oven before going back to frosting the cooled cupcakes lined up on the counter. 
“Hey.”
Nicole looked up to see Scott walking into the kitchen, “Hey, good afternoon. When’d you get back?”
“Bout fifteen minutes ago… I wanted to talk to Chris before I came in and talked to you. Stopped him down by the mail boxes.” He said with a light laugh before placing the bundle of mail on the counter. 
Nicole nodded, “Ah, did he tell you about last night?”
“He called me after he yelled, then he called mom, and mom called me… But I also know that you’re alone up here in Massachusetts and you should have someone to confide in if you want to talk about it.”
She just shook her head before looking back down at the cupcakes in front of her, “I’m fine, really. He’s the one that needed to talk about it, I just… Worry he’s going to be upset like this forever. I took away his happiness and privacy. I can’t help but feel guilty for that.” 
Scott laughed, causing her to look back up at him, “Nicki, you can’t take away his happiness because you are his happiness. The same way you’re worried about him he’s worried about you. He’s so afraid to lose you, this has nothing to do with anything you’ve done.” 
Nicole sighed, she knew he was right but this elephant in the room between her and Chris felt like it was crushing them. Scott gave her a sad smile before walking over to her and giving her a side hug, “I need you guys to fix this so I can move out and not feel bad or worry.”
“What?! You’re moving out?” She said with a small pout.
“Yeah, I met this new guy. He’s going to stay up here with me for a few months to see if we can make this work.”
“Oh, well that’s good.” She said with a sad smile causing Scott to sigh and pull her into a full hug, “It’s going to be okay.”
“You don’t know that.” She mumbled against his chest.
“Yes, I do. I know because you are going to have my handsome little nephew and then the government is finally going to get its head out of its ass and handle this pandemic. Chris will go back to work, finish up his projects, and you guys can start your sweet domestic lives together. It’s going to be good, you just have to ride out the rocky parts.”
Nicole nodded, “I hope so.” 
Scott patted her back before pulling away “How many more cookies do you have to make?”
“Oh, just these twelve. I already made the cupcakes so I’m literally just waiting until those are done baking so I can switch them out and then I’m done.”
“Well how about I finish letting them bake and you and Chris can go on a little date?”
“We’re in a pandemic and I’m pregnant, I don’t think he’s really feeling date night.”
“Not like an actual date, just gather some snacks and some comfy clothes and you guys can go on a drive. It gets him away from the screen and you love car rides.”
“I do love car rides.” Nicole said with a sigh. “Ugh, fine I’ll go get a tote bag and a pillow.”
When Chris got back to the house thirty minutes later Nicole was ready with snacks and a pillow from their room. He was glad that Scott got her to agree to the car ride, he wasn’t sure how it would’ve gone if he had been the one to ask. He didn’t want her to make her feel even more trapped with him than she already felt. About twenty minutes had passed in the car ride when Nicole finally spoke up over the low music playing, “We’re gonna be okay, right?”
“Of course we are, why do you ask?”
“I’m just worried you aren’t going to let what happened slide…I’m worried that this will separate us and we won’t be able to go back to how it was.” 
He sighed with a small shake of the head, “I don’t think we can ever go back to how we were but I think that’s okay. I think we’ll be stronger because of this.” He looked over at her as she ate her bag of sour cream and onion chips before looking back at the road with a smile, “I think we will be stronger because we have actually had our first fight, we reconciled, we’re moving forwards together. Honestly, it wasn’t much of a fight. I was really the only one yelling.”
“I don’t yell when I’m upset.” 
He paused, “Are you still upset?” 
She looked down at her fidgeting hands, “I don’t think so… I just know that I’m scared.” 
“Of?”
“What if we keep fighting? What if when you go back to work things get worse?”
His hand gripped the wheel a little tighter. “Realistically, are there things about you that I don’t like? Yes. But I’m not going to let those small things build up to shadow how much love for you I have. I want to help you through these problems and help you grow. I want us to be together through the ups and the downs because I love you. I love you more than I’ve loved anyone else and that’s scary and it’s new, but I know that I’ll be okay because I’m with you.” 
Nicole looked over at him with a small pout, “What don’t you like about me?”
He chuckled, “Well the fact that I just gave a beautiful speech and all you got from it was there’s little things I don’t like about you is a good place to start.” 
“I’m being serious… If it’s something I can-“
“It’s nothing I want you to work on because they’re quirks and they’re yours. They make you who you are and even when you annoy me sometimes I smile because you’re so adorable I could never stay upset with you. Ever.”
“I guess I get that. I hate the way your feet have those hard crusty things on the edges. And I really don’t like it when you snore.”
He gasped followed by a laugh, “Ouch! That was harsh.”
“What?! We’re getting things off our chest, are we not?”
He looked over at her with a smile, “No, we are, we are.” Looking back at the road, he moved his hand to her thigh, “The main thing is you don’t know how to just sit in the quiet. You like there to be something on or something said. Something to think about. But most nights I just want to lay in the dark and just hold you. To just be at peace in the silence is something I’ve always loved to do and I haven’t much since you moved in.”
Nicole pouted and grabbed his hand, “You could've just said that, babe.”
“I just didn’t know how you would take it.” He said with a sad smile.
“Well, we can definitely try sitting in silence. I'm not sure how well I’ll do but I'm willing to try for you.”
He gave her hand a light squeeze, “I appreciate that, sweetheart.” 
Nicole kissed his hand before smiling at him and letting go of his hand. After taking a drink of the Dr Pepper she had brought, she started looking out the window, “Thank you for driving me around tonight.”
“Of course, it was nice. It’s always nice to take in the sights.”
“It’s just so much easier to think when I’m curled up in the passenger seat.”
His smile grew, he knew this was the best way to get them out of their funk. “Oh yeah, what are you thinking about?”
“A Wendy’s chicken sandwich.”
He let out a loud laugh, “If I get you some food will you tell me what’s actually on your mind?”
Nicole there her head back with a laugh, “That is what’s on my mind!” She composed herself slightly, “But if it gets me a chicken sandwich I just love you. I love you a lot and I keep waiting for that other shoe to drop and this to be over, but… You always bring us back around.”
“I try to. Especially when I’m the one that steers us in the wrong direction.”
“I wouldn’t say it was your fault, it’s just, the world is how it is. It’s awful, cruel, and cold and it attacks the things that are warm and good. I just don’t wanna lose you.”
“I don’t want to lose you either. I told you that you’re the love of my life and I meant that, still mean that.”
Nicole gasped, “Oh my god!” 
Chris quickly swerved off to the side slamming on his brakes, “What?! What?!” 
She reached over and grabbed his hand and placed it on the lower left quadrant of her stomach, “Do you feel that?” 
“I-what am I-” His stammering was interrupted by a small nudge against his palm, “Did he just kick?!”
Nicole nodded excitedly, “That’s the strongest he’s ever kicked before! He’s getting so big!”
“Oh my gosh, I can’t believe-” His sentence was cut short as the car lurched forward and he quickly scrambled to step on the brakes again and put the car in park. Nicole was in a fit of giggles but his attention went right back to her belly. “Hey little man, I’m sorry about that…Wow… Hey bubba.” 
Nicole’s laughing fit slowly subsided and she reached up and rubbed his shoulder, “We really need to come up with a name for him.” 
“A name for an all-star athlete because he’s going to be incredible.”
“Maybe he’ll even be a kicker for the Patriots.” Nicole teased, causing him to shake his head with a laugh. 
“Has he been kicking for a while?”
“I mean, a little nudge here and a flip there, but that was the first genuine like ‘hey I’m here give me attention’ kick.” 
“Wow…”Chris said before kissing her belly with a smile. Leaning back in his seat, he looked over at her, “I love you.” 
“I love you too.” 
“You and bubba ready to get some food before we head home?”
“We would love that, daddio.” 
“Alright, operation chicken sandwich is a go.” He clapped his hands together before safely merging back onto the road. 
Nicole leaned over and kissed his cheek before looking for her phone in the totebag. Going through her notifications she saw that Scott had made an instagram post. Quickly reading through it she gave it a heart and flipped through the videos and pictures before looking over at Chris, “Should I see if Scott wants anything?”
“Oh yeah, he loves Wendy's. Did he text you about the dogs?”
“Nah, he just posted something really cute… I’ll show you when we get home.” 
Scott’s Instagram post:
I’m so happy that I finally get to introduce the world to my new sister! We have gotten along so well these last few months. I wanted to share some memories with you all. She taught me how to make perfect cupcakes and cookies. I can’t master cinnamon rolls but who cares. We would eat our amazing treats and talk about true crime cases that keep us up at night. We watched Grey’s from start to finish. There were several days and nights Chris would find us sharing a big blanket and an insane amount of snacks. And my time with Nicole is great but I love watching her and my brother come alive when they’re in the same room.
This first video was filmed ten days after Nicole moved into my brother's house. The second, I don’t remember when it was filmed but I know it was in the summer. And the third, literally the day after the Taylor Swift album dropped, July 25th. Nicole was so excited for this album and Chris stayed up all night with her jamming and learning lyrics. As you’ll be able to tell by these videos, she is my brother's other half. She is the half he has been waiting for to be whole. I’m so happy she’s a part of our family so I can be a part of and witness so many moments like these. 
Video One
Chris and Nicole are in the kitchen, there is a bowl of cookie dough on the island counter next to a timer and a speaker playing Rewrite the Stars. 
“All I want is to fly with you!” Nicole got out with a gasp as Chris lifted her onto the kitchen island. “All I want is to fall with you.” She sang out while fully standing up but was shaking her head quickly. But Chris was nodding and pointing up at her, “So just give me all of you!” 
Nicole looked down at him, “It feels impossible!” 
Chris shook his head laughing, “It’s not impossible!”
 “Is it impossible?”
“Say that it's possible!” Nicole yelled out with him before she jumped off the counter and into Chris’ arms in a bridal carry with a squeal before going back to singing along, “How do we rewrite the stars?” 
Chris couldn’t stop laughing as he spun around holding her. He slowly stopped spinning and set her down gently. Trying not to tear up he cupped her face, Nicole scrunched her nose with a big smile before kissing him. 
Video Two
“Scott! Do you know where we put the lawn checkers?”  Chris called out from upstairs.
“No! You can come down help me look if you want!” Scott said while propping his phone up trying not to be obvious it was filming.
“You better not be waiting in there to scare me!” 
“Wow! No trust. I’m literally just being a good brother right now.” Scott said with a laugh before pretending to look around the basement and opening a closet.
Chris started making his way down the stairs, “Listen, we’re mid prank war right now. You’re probably a little salty after volleyball yesterday.” He gave his brother a smile as he made it to the bottom of the stairs. Scott rolled his eyes, “That wasn’t fair, dinner was done before the game was so it doesn’t count as a loss.” 
Chris threw his head back in a laugh before starting to walk over to some storage boxes in the corner, “Sure, sure. Whatever you-”
“Baby!” Nicole screamed before jumping out from behind them.
“FUU-AAAH!” Chris yelled as he fell backwards onto the floor. “Shit! That got me!” 
Scott jumped up in excitement, “YES!”
“Did I do good?” Nicole asked with a laugh coming out from behind the boxes, looking down at her husband laying like a starfish on the floor.
“Too good.” 
Video Three
The living room was dim, only lit by the two standing lamps and the television, but still they playfully danced and sang to August by Taylor Swift as it played through the speakers. Nicole was mid spin when he grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her in for a kiss. Nicole pulled away from the kiss looking up at Chris with a smile.  He smiled back before kissing her forehead and then her shoulder, “I love you so much.”
“I love you too.” She spoke through the silence before the next song began to play. He smiled against her skin holding her against him as they swayed. They almost made it one full circle before he lifted his head up to see Scott recording them. “Scott!”
“What?! It’s cute!” He yelled back before stopping recording.
“Why would you even record that?!”
“Living with you guys is like a damn romance novel anyway, I normally just send them to mom but Nicole has me send them to her.”
Chris looked at her with a slight gasp, “You knew about this creepy habit?”
“You don’t record that many videos of you singing or dancing and I love it so yeah, I have him send them to me.”
Chris shook his head with a sigh but he couldn’t help but smile, “You love it when I sing?”
“You already know that I love when you sing.”
He blushed with a small shrug, “But you’ve never told me.” He kissed her cheek before turning back to his brother, “Just know that you both have some scares coming your way for this little secret. Now turn that shit off!” He said with a laugh before pushing his brother's phone away and the video cuts.
3 notes · View notes
Text
Part Ten. Faces
warnings: swearing, hate comments word count: 4.1k (not including pics)
behind the screen (irl dream x f!reader) series masterlist ultimate masterlist
A/N: sorry its late!!!! this feels rushed but i was just too excited to get to some parts!!! also i have had some parts written out for SO long that they dont even feel cute to me anymore so im literally praying to every deity rn that you guys think its cute lmao anyway enjoy!!!!
**********
It had been about a week since Karl's slip up but everything was already more normal than Y/n had expected it to be. Of course, George, Sapnap and Quackity were all very understanding and gave her space while simultaneously reassuring her that she was safe with them. She fully believed it too, she knew she was safe with them and they weren't going to tell anyone her name.
The one unusual thing was now she had a heavy guilt, like someone dropped another sandbag in her stomach, every time Dream texted her. If the others knew, it was only fair that she tell him her name too, right? I mean, it's Dream. Dream! The boy who had quickly slipped his way into her life and, though she wouldn't admit it to Karl or Naomi, her heart.
But how? Does she just come right out and say it or wait until it gets brought up? She hadn't practiced telling anyone her name because she wasn't planning on doing it any time soon. Though, maybe she should have been seeing as she was going to see them all in person in a little over a month.
Regardless of the guilt, Y/n had other things to worry about today; Quackity was coming to visit. Karl had picked him up from the airport and the two of them spent all day catching up and doing who knows what but Y/n still hadn't met him. She was scared. She wasn't scared of Quackity, but scared because it was the first time one of her online friends would be able to put a face to her name and voice.
Y/n shuffled across her living room rug and reached for her phone on the coffee table, looking for some sort of distraction while she waited for them to arrive.
Tumblr media
-
Tumblr media
Y/n rolled her eyes but smiled, shaking her head as she threw her phone on the couch. Okay, he's right. It's gonna be fine. It's gonna be great. It's just Quackity. If he said anything rude or annoying or anything she could literally just step on him like a bug.
A sharp knock on the front door of her apartment snapped her back into reality. She shook her limbs of nervousness as she made her way to the door, two familiar voices begging to be acknowledged from the other side.
"Let us iiinnn!! Y/nnn!!!!" Karl whined.
After countless times asking the same question, she finally convinced Karl that she was okay with him using her real name in front of Quackity. He clearly still felt guilty about telling the boys her name, asking her multiple times in different ways whether he should call her Y/n or Bugsy in front of the guest. She finally got it through his head that she didn't mind either way.
"Hold on!" she yelled back. She unlocked the door and swung it open to see Karl and Quackity. "So impatient."
"Holy shit, you are tall! Goddammit, I thought that was a joke!"
Y/n laughed shyly at the greeting, looking at Quackity like he was crazy. "Hello to you too. Tried to warn you, dude."
"Yeah but, damn! You're tall and attractive, what the hell?"
"Dude," she said with a warning in her voice. She thought the flirting on Twitter was funny, but in real life she got embarrassed easier and wasn't a fan. "I'm about to kick you out of my house before I even let you in."
This was weird, meeting Quackity before meeting some of her other friends. She loved Quackity, but she had known George much longer and Sapnap even before that. There was no problem with meeting Quackity, she just had no idea how to act since she felt like she hardly knew him.
"Am I allowed to tell people that you're hot?" he asked as he fell on her couch, Karl following right after.
"Quackity!" Y/n yelled, her face heating up at a compliment. "Seriously?"
Karl cackled and shoved Quackity. "Shut up, Alex! No, you're not allowed!"
"Sorry, is that compliment reserved for Dream?" He cackled at his own joke and Y/n's face heated up even more.
"I seriously will kick you out of my house."
"You wanna be flirty on main but not in real life?" Quackity scoffed.
"I'm not flirty on main, you are!" she laughed. "Seriously, don't."
"Okay, sorry, I'll stop," Quackity promised with a laugh in his words.
The three of them fell into easy conversation, mostly because Karl and Quackity were already comfortable around each other at this point. They eventually decided to go to the mall, just to mess around and do something.
*reminder: covid doesn't exist in this fic bc we only want happy things so ignore their masks :P*
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Y/n frowned as she unlocked her front door, staring at her phone. She had been so happy with all the fans freaking out about the meetup so she looked at the trending list, expecting to see a flood of keyboard smashes and happiness, but that's not all she ended up seeing. BUGKARLITY was trending, so she scrolled through the tweets and was upset to see not all of them were positive. In fact, when she typed her name in the search bar, lots of the tweets using her name were rather mean.
A few that stuck in her head called her an attention whore and said that her friends only flirted with her because she paid them too. Who on earth would even do that? Some hurt way more than others but she tried to push them aside. It wasn't like this was the first time she had seen comments like this, but they had only gotten worse since her Minecraft date with Dream. She was worried it was cause more hate for her friends and the last thing she wanted was to be the cause of their own hate.
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
She typed several different messages to Dream, deleting them all after she reread them. She felt like she had to request the same thing from him in a different way. Maybe because she felt like his words meant more, even if he really was just joking like the rest of them. She decided to call him instead of texting.
"Hi!" he chirped happily from the other end.
"Hi, Dream," she said as her chest filled with something warm at the sound of his voice. "How are you doing?"
"Good," he dragged out the word. "How are you?"
"Okay."
"Just okay? What's up?"
"Um," she started, immediately forgetting the words she decided she'd use. "I just... would you mind, uh, not flirting with me so much on, like, Twitter and streams and stuff like that?"
There was a silence before Dream's frantically apologetic words came through. "Yes, of course, oh my gosh. I'm so sorry. If I had known I was making you uncomfortable, I wouldn't have—"
"Wait, no," she interrupted but he must not have heard.
"—said things like... oh gosh. Bug, I'm really sorry—"
"Dream!" she raised her voice, getting him to stop ranting. "You don't make me uncomfortable."
"Oh. Really?"
"Of course not. I actually think it's really..." Cute? Adorable? Endearing? "funny," she decided.
"Oh. Then why...?"
She sighed heavily and explained what she told the others. "So, yeah. I just don't want you guys getting hate because of me so I figure if you stop then... you know."
"Bug..." he said gently. "I'm really sorry. I promise you that I don't—none of us think those things about you."
"I know."
"No, seriously," he said, clearly not believing her. "You need to understand that I..." he paused. "I mean what I say. Always."
Always? she thought. There's a few things he's said that certainly he didn't really mean... like calling her cute?
"I don't joke around like that unless I want to. I wouldn't say things like I say to you unless I really, really, genuinely considered you a close friend and felt comfortable around you. And I do."
Her heart swelled. "Thanks, Dream. I just... maybe don't do it so much for right now? Online, at least," she clarified, not wanting to deprive herself completely of Dream's flirting.
"Yeah, if that's what you want, of course."
"Well, I don't want you to stop flirting with me but, yeah."
He chuckled. "Oh, you do like when I flirt with you?"
She hummed and changed the subject. "Did I interrupt you doing anything?"
"No," his teasing voice dropped and was back to his regular self. "I'm just editing the video we filmed the other day."
"Oh, the 'Minecraft, but you can't touch the floor'?" she asked.
"Yeah."
"Oh," she said, not meaning to sound disappointed. "I'll let you get back to it—"
"No. I mean, you can stay on the phone. Unless you're busy."
She smiled and put her phone on speaker and set it next to her foot on the floor. "I was just gonna paint. So I can stay."
Before she knew it, almost two hours had passed of them sitting in comfortable silence, occasionally speaking to share something with the other before going back to their tasks. It was comforting knowing she didn’t need to speak constantly and could just hang out with Dream.
Y/n's phone rested on the floor next to her, Dream on speakerphone on the other end, only the sounds of his keyboard clicking letting her know he hadn't fallen asleep or hung up. She wasn't sure when they started doing this, staying on the phone even when they had nothing to talk about, but they had done it a few times before. They had talked on the phone and Discord many times but it was usually always with purpose, not usually this silently-enjoying-each-others-presence nonsense. Who was she kidding calling it nonsense, she enjoyed it an embarrassingly insane amount.
She repositioned so she was laying on her stomach as she finished sketching an image that was in her mind.
"Hey, you still there?" Dream asked softly.
"Yeah. Sorry, am I taking away from your sitting in silence time with George?" she joked.
Dream chuckled lightly. "Nah, you're more fun. I was just seeing if you ditched me for Karl yet."
"Nah, you're more fun," she mimed truthfully. "But I'm very focused on this drawing."
"Can I see it when you're done?"
"Don't expect too much. It looks bad."
"If you don't tell me what it is, I can't know how accurate or inaccurate it is."
"Very true..." she trailed off, holding the canvas further away to examine it all at once. She wanted the sketch to be perfect before she made permanent choices with paint. She enjoyed the serenity they maintained even when talking, voices low and delicate like they were keeping secrets but not quite whispering. "Are you almost done editing your video from the other day?"
"Sorta. I'm at the part where you and Sapnap almost died laughing because a ghast knocked George into lava and then Sapnap laughed so hard he fell into lava."
She chuckled, remembering the situation vividly. "That was so funny. The way George screams is so funny."
"Let Naomi know that," he mumbled, causing Y/n to gasp.
"Dream!" she laughed loudly and he joined.
"Sorry, sorry, sorry. It's true though."
"Disgusting!"
A distant voice sounded on the other end and she assumed it was Sapnap. "What do you want for dinner?"
Dream responded with a soft, "Nothing, I'm good."
"Are you talking to Bugsy?"
He must have responded physically because the next sound was Sapnap's very clear, much more lively voice speaking directly into the phone. "Hi, Bugsy!"
"Hi, Sapnap!"
"Can you tell Dream to eat some damn food? This man literally hasn't eaten a single thing all goddamn day."
"Dream," Y/n scolded slowly. "Please eat."
"I'm not hungry."
"I'm not showing you my painting until you eat."
A door closed on the other end and she took that as a sign that Sapnap had left.
"I don't wanna see it anyway. It's probably trash."
"Take that back!" she gasped lightly. She looked at the canvas as she grabbed the first paint color and laughed. It was only a sketch and it was already trash. "Fine, then I won't go on the trip if you don't eat in the next ten minutes."
"That's punishing yourself too though."
"Who says I want to see you?" she asked.
"I never said anything about not seeing me being the punishment."
She had been caught. "It was implied."
"Sure it was."
"It's true though. Who says I wanna see your stupid face?"
He didn't say anything, but an incoming FaceTime call lit up Y/n's phone. A FaceTime call from him.
Her smile dropped. "Clay?"
"Answer it," his voice was lower and her heart started beating faster. Was he really about to show her his face to prove a point? Reveal his biggest secret that only a few close friends knew? To her of all people? She made sure she couldn't be seen in the small window and pressed accept, the voice call ending and the FaceTime call starting.
To her surprise, what came into view wasn't his face, but the logo of the hoodie he was wearing, the simple smile of his merch taunting her. She laughed, the anxiety slowly fading away as it was replaced with a heavy feeling in her stomach. Was she disappointed? Maybe a little, but he teased her into believing she would see him.
"Oh, wow! Dream face reveal! He looks just like his icon, no way!!!"
His chest moved up and down as he laughed, not moving the camera away. "You heard it here first, guys! You've known my face all along, the logo is actually my face!"
She laughed and returned to painting, not paying any more attention to her phone since he was now also showing his ceiling, a small corner of his monitor in frame but nothing else. "I mean it though, if you don't eat, I'm going to be so mad I won't even want to be friends anymore. Or you'll die from malnourishment before we get the chance to meet."
"I doubt it. I'm just not hungry."
"Whatever."
"Oh, hey, so you met Quackity today. How was it?"
"Very scary."
"Yeah?" he asked sympathetically, urging her to explain if she wanted.
"Yeah. But it turned out okay! He didn't act any different so it was fine. It was mostly just awkward. He's also so freaking loud. You would not believe how much louder he and Karl get when they're together."
"I can imagine. Aren't they doing a stream right now or something?"
"Yeah, I think so. I don't wanna watch though, I've had enough of them for the month."
Dream laughed. "How will you deal with them together for New Years'? It'll be for like two weeks."
"Who knows if I'll actually go?"
"Wait, what?" he asked abruptly, not even bothering to hide the disappointment in his voice. His keyboard stopped clicking and she could picture him staring at his phone as if looking at her. "Of course you're going."
"Not if you don't eat food! You have, like, 3 minutes to eat something until I officially am busy doing other things whenever the trip is."
Dream groaned and clicked a few things on his computer before the image on the screen became blurry as he walked through the house, still pointing it at the ceiling. She looked away again and kept painting.
"Quackity's really funny though," she continued. "It was super awkward at first but it was fun to have someone else to help me make fun of Karl."
"Wait, Bug," Dream called out over the sound of wrappers crinkling.
"Hm?" She hummed, continuing to paint.
"Bug," his voice was much softer and he sounded nervous.
She looked at her screen and dropped the paintbrush as she focused on what she saw, grabbing her phone and holding it closer to her face so she could see, still making sure she wasn't in view. All the anxiety from the beginning of the FaceTime suddenly came back and hit her like a truck. Sitting on her screen, waiting to be seen, was Dream. His hood was up, tufts of blonde hair sticking out, and he was standing with his back towards a dark room, the dim light from his pantry making his face just visible.
He held up a cookie in front of his actual, real face. "Are you watching?"
"Y-yea... I... Yeah. I'm watching. Is that really you?"
He nodded once before shoving the cookie in his mouth. "There, I consumed food," he announced, his voice muffled by the cookie. "Now you're legally obligated to come."
"I—What? CLAY! WHAT?"
"What?" he asked innocently as he chewed, walking back to his room and still holding the phone up to show his face. His room light was on, making his face much more visible. If Y/n thought he was attractive in the harsh pantry light, he must have looked like a god in his room lighting, even as pixelated as he was due to the quality of FaceTime. He fell on his bed and Y/n could only gape at his features. He slumped against his headboard, surrounded by roughly a thousand pillows, sporting a small, shy smile as he stared at the screen. "Bug, what?"
She opened her mouth but no words came out. Needless to say, he was unbelievably handsome. Part of the speechlessness was from the shock that he showed his face out of the blue, but obviously, the majority of it was that he was pretty much the most attractive person she'd ever seen. It should be illegal for someone to look that good in a hoodie, especially when pixelated.
"Hmm," he hummed thoughtfully. "Wanna take back what you said earlier?" He bit into another cookie.
"W-what did I say earlier?" Why was she stuttering???
"You said you don't wanna see me and that I'm ugly," he teased.
She paused for too many seconds too long before finally muttering, "you arrogant son of a bitch." He laughed loudly at that.
His eyes crinkled and he threw his head back. So that's what he looks like when he wheezes, she thought to herself, pretty.
Dream shuffled his position on his bed and rested his head on one of his hands. He looked so comfy. "Why are you so quiet, weirdo?" he mumbled.
She set her phone back down and touched her cheeks with her hands and looked away for a moment, grounding herself to the real world for a second. She couldn't process her thoughts when she was staring at a man as gorgeous as Clay. "I don't know, maybe because you gave me no warning before showing me your face? Or because you failed to mention that you're incredibly hot?"
She was so glad she had looked back at her phone or else she would have missed the glorious sight of his cheeks turning bright red before he turned the camera back to his ceiling. "Oh my gosh."
"Aw cute, I made you blush."
"Shut up," he mumbled. "You threatened to not come if I didn't eat something!"
"You didn't have to—you showed me your freaking face just to prove you ate a cookie!! DREAM! I would have believed you if you just said you ate something!" she laughed breathlessly, staring at the phone now for a chance to see him again. "I was joking anyway!"
"Sure you were."
"I was."
"Well, oh well. You deserved to see me anyway."
"Oh, I deserve to see you?" She laughed. "How big is your ego?"
"You know what I meant," he groaned. "You got doxxed by Karl and you met Quackity in person. And you've clearly had a bad day because of all the hate and stuff. You've done a lot of stressful things recently and you deserved to be let in on a secret too."
He was so sweet. Like, tooth-rotting, Halloween candy stash hidden under a kid's bed, upset tummy sweet. She also couldn't get over the fact that he was a million times cuter when he was shy like he was being now, his voice soft and unsure. It contrasted vastly with the confident, loud-mouthed Dream everyone usually saw, though she liked that Dream too. She wished he could show his face for just one more second to see what he looked like shy. Probably sickeningly adorable.
This was it, wasn't it? The chance she had been waiting for to tell him her name? He just let her in on his biggest secret, now he was the one deserving to be let in.
"Y/n," she said with a confident, but soft voice.
There was a long pause. "W-what?"
"Y/n."
He understood the second time immediately. "Y/n..." he tested, the smile in his voice clear as day. "I like it."
"Yeah, well, I guess you deserved to know the secret too."
"I would have been content never knowing."
"Really?" She didn't believe him. He seemed like the type to never be satisfied, always looking for something better. Not in a greedy way, but in a motivational, goal-oriented big achiever way.
"Really," he hummed. "I already feel like you're too good to be true so I wouldn't be surprised if you weren't a real person."
It was silent as she tried to collect her thoughts.
"Bug? You okay?"
"Yeah, I... it's just a lot."
"Sorry."
"No, it's not you. Well... I don't know. I just don't know what I'm supposed to say when you say things like that," she admitted.
He paused. "I think you always have the perfect responses when I say things like that."
"What do I usually say?" She smiled shyly, pulling her hoodie up to her lips.
"You usually call me a nerd or say you can't stand me. 'Oh my gosh I cannot stand you'," he mimicked before laughing.
"What? How is that the perfect response to you saying you can't believe I'm real?"
He hummed and she could practically hear him shrugging. "Because it's a classic Bug response. It's a hundred perfect you. So yeah, it's perfect."
She was silent, trying to compose herself before she exploded.
"By the way, check Twitter."
"Why, are you bragging about me calling you hot?" she teased, hoping to make him blush like she had earlier. It worked.
"Oh my gosh, no. Just look."
She clicked her home button and navigated to the app, her feed instantly flooding with the same similar messages.
"Oh, my gosh," she muttered, her fingers flying away as she typed out her own tweet in response to the love.
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Dream chuckled from the other end and when she asked him why, he vaguely said that George texted him but didn't explain further.
"Um, I have to go," she said mournfully. "Karl and Quackity are coming over again."
"Booooo," he pouted.
"Sorry, you aren't the only man in my life," she teased before instantly regretting her choice of words. Too flirty, Y/n, she thought to herself.
"Hm, shame. Am I at least at the top of the list?"
She bit her lips, wanting desperately to repeat what she had told him on their Minecraft date. In the end, she gave in. "I always mean what I say too," she started. "You're my main bitch, baby."
Dream made some sort of sound, a mix of a scoff and a whine but Y/n didn't comment on it, just glowing with heat in her cheeks.
"Leave before I don't let you," he said softly and the heat only grew.
"Goodnight, Dream," she pressed, the tone in her voice letting him know he was being a tease. "Thanks for... thanks for your tweet. And for everything you said earlier."
"Of course. Sorry that you have to see those kinds of things a lot."
"It's okay when I have people like you."
"People like me? What does that mean?"
"Just.... people like you." Cute, sweet, kind, genuine people who make her heart flutter.
She could hear his smile in his words and she figured he knew the unspoken words in her thoughts, the ones she was saying without saying. "Okay. Goodnight, Y/n."
"Goodnight."
**********
PREVIOUS | NEXT
taglist: OPEN (at the time)
@hydrate-tion @loraleiix @tinaswagbd @charsdummb @smileyyuta @1ghoste1 @cerberus-hellhound @gaysludge @queestionmark @carnations-red @letsloveimagines @the-fictionwriters-hairdo @boiled-onionrings @a-cryptic @fee-btheweeb @erwinss @just-a-stan @axths @kayleigh2703 @furiouspockettoad @sometimeseverythingsucks @powerpuffyn @itshaileyn @millavalntyne @automaticcomputerpaper @nikkineeky @fivedicksinatrenchcoat @sprucekot @bellomi-clarke @possiblyanxioushuman @crybabyjabby @mae-musicbitch @hungoverhellhound @dreamyteam​ @kuroo-icedtea @stuffforreferences @menacingaesthetic @sapphic-soot​ @fangeekkk​ @haseulreturns​ @queenwastaken​ @peteysgf​ @losingvienna​ @bi-narystars​ @zero-nightshade​ @erinitoburrito @sparklykeylime​ @youhyakuya​ @danny-devitowo​ @clubfairy​ @loser-keiji​ @oi-itsemily​ @alm334​ @the-katastrophe​ @wreny24​ @applecakeradio @unicornblood4ever @brendalopez99​ @spacecluster​ @justonemoreepisode​ @strawbrinkofdeath​ @aikochan4859​ @chaotic-tieflings​ @dreamsofficialwife​ @where-thesundoesntshine​ @jamiealenaa​ @unstableye​ @kageyamama-hinatatata​ @officiallyunofficialperson​ @secretly-a-weeb​ @localsimp​ @loxbbg​ @rhymeorreason1​ @flubblubbb​ @kiritokunuwu​ @sylumarts​ @raining13lemonade​ @aiyncel @ghostfacefricker6969​ @avengemepercy​ @modyoonie​ @sapnapsupremaci​ @donttellaweirdweakling​ @writinginnit​ @mosstea-png @mayempress @theboywhocriedlupin​
955 notes · View notes
Text
you’re jealous | monsta x ot7 reactions
maybe some smut ;)
shownu | son hyunwoo
Tumblr media
shownu has been going on variety shows to promote the group’s latest comeback and the female hosts and guests always comment on his looks
it doesn’t bother you usually, you know he’s handsome and love when he gets all flustered from the attention, but you don’t like how the hosts feel up his arms and ogle him when he performs a part of the choreo
they continue to dote on him and jealousy crawls up your throat and takes over your body as you wait for shownu to come home
he comes home earlier than usual and you would be happy if the images of women touching up his arms weren’t flashing in your mind, clouding your vision
he greets you with a kiss to the cheek and your arms are crossed and you’re pouting, still quiet
only when he’s setting down his stuff does he ask what’s wrong giving you time to look away from his sweaty chiseled chest and focus on your anger
“i saw the show today.” a beat of silence
“oh? was it fun?” he was almost done now as he grew closer to you
“it would’ve been if those women weren’t touching you up...” shownu found it adorable when you were jealous so he couldn’t help but put his arms around your waist and pull your back to his chest, resting his head on your shoulders. you could feel his muscles against you, was he not wearing a shirt any more? it didn’t matter you were angry
“i told them to stop but they cut that out of the show...” your anger subsided, of course he did. you turned in his arms then, properly looking him in the eyes for the first time today.
“good.”
“you’re cute when you’re jealous,” he kissed your nose and you blushed, for a second he thought he outta make you jealous more often but he couldn’t bare even trying to give anyone that kind of attention when he had you. “let me make it up to you,” he started kissing your lips then, his hands roaming down your body as the found your ass and lifted you up, instinctively your legs went around his waist
he was sweaty so u offered to shower with him to save water of course, he thanked you for that with his actions...
wonho | shin hoseok
Tumblr media
wonho was performing WITH YOU and you couldn’t help but feel jealous as the beautiful female dancer moved in synch with him and his hands traced her body
you rarely got jealous, he did that enough for both of you, but you couldn’t help it when fans were saying how good they looked together and of course they didn’t know he was already taken
the tweets, instagram posts, even tiktoks of them together consumed you and you finally came to your breaking point when wonho came home from the music show
“enough hoseok i can’t take it any more!”
“what’s wrong?” he had never seen you so upset, a mix of frustration and sadness adorned your face
“you and your dancer, everywhere i look online i just see you two together and i know it’s not real but when everyone’s telling you they would be good together i-“
“baby they don’t know what’s real and what’s for the performance, at the end of the day i came home to you and love you, i don’t even have her number on my phone much less have her saved as my lock screen like i do you,” wonho grinned and you felt the anxiety leave your body slowly. he always knew how to calm me down and when he realized you weren’t as mad he opened his arms for a hug which you fell into with a small pout still on your face
“can i make it up to my baby?” you didn’t know what he had in mind and you certainly didn’t expect being handcuffed to your bed frame screaming his name as he ate you out until you came...three times
kihyun
Tumblr media
kihyun wasn’t naturally flirty, just too kind to know he could be perceived as flirty so when a girl trips in front of him and he helps her up like the gentlemen he is she gets the wrong idea and starts flirting with him...in front of you
you let it go on as he obliviously responds to her intrusive questions, you were grateful she didn’t recognize him with his mask and beanie on but you still felt your possessiveness rearing it’s ugly head
“we need to get going honey,” you cut in, having had enough of this girl just when she’s about to ask YOUR boyfriend for his number and she stutters and apologizes, you just mutter an okay as you grab kihyun’s hand and walk away
kihyun laughs as he catches up to you
“aww someone got jealous.”
“not jealous just annoyed, how could you not tell she was flirting?” you frowned at him and he smirked, oh no he’s gonna tease the hell out of you now
“i can only tell when you flirt with me, but what if i was flirting with her? would you get mad? and if i fucked her?” he whispered the last part, since you were still very much in public.
“kihyun,” you groaned as his hold on your hand tightened. you knew where this was going, knew exactly what this tone in his voice would lead to. but honestly you didn’t care, not when you were just as territorial as him and wanted to feel like his in the most physical way.
“would you beg for me back?” kihyun, pulled you flush against him and whispered into your ear and you couldn’t help but hold onto his shoulder for strength, he knew what he did to you.
“you know i would.”
“you look so pretty when you beg, maybe i’ll go get her number.” you were whining at this point, still very much in public, he drove you crazy.
“fuck me please kihyun.” and that’s all it took before you were rushing to the nearest bathroom like a bunch of horny teenagers, and kihyun was making you cry and scream his name.
minhyuk
Tumblr media
being an mc on a music show meant he interacted with lots of idols and you always anticipated the influx of delusional fans assuming he’s dating any girl idol he has any interaction with but one day is different from the others
he’s doing his usual mc duties but this kpop idol is staring at him intensely, even as going as far as telling him he’s handsome
she’s much older but it doesn’t stop the influx of tweets and comments
minhyuk is handsome you know that, anyone with eyesight can see that so when he comes home you can’t help but be grumpy
you can’t be mad at him you know that but your feelings are your feelings
he knows as soon as he’s home what’s making you grumpy
“babe i can’t help it!”
“ i know it’s just-why are you so handsome??? cover your face or something argh” you’re not really angry at him and he knows that as he kisses your face until the pout drops from your lips and he kisses you
you’re still feeling annoyed so you make it a point to show minhyuk just how much he is yours as you are his, making him scream your name all night long
hyungwon
Tumblr media
like kihyun he doesn’t realize people assume he’s flirting when he’s kind just because he’s handsome
you’re out with him in vacation in greece and hyungwon is helping these japanese tourists with directions because he overhears them being confused about the hotel names, they assume he’s flirting with them since they don’t see you standing, waiting for him under the shade of the store front
hyungwon politely declines their offer to join him back at their hotel and you unfortunately hear the entire conversation, not once did he mention you
you scoff and walk off as he walks back to you, his eyebrows raising in shock
“woah what’s wrong?” he catches up to you with ease, damn his long legs.
“why don’t you go ask your new friends since i don’t exist?” you glare at him and he smirks, the handsome fucker smirks
“jealous babe?”
“why would i be, not like i’m your girlfriend or anything.” you grumble and he laughs at how you’re the angriest he’s seen you in a while. the last time you were this angry it was at netizens for attacking him over some dumb thing.
“i didn’t tell them because they could have recognized me and that wouldn’t have been good for anyone,” that made a lot of sense, maybe you had reacted too strongly. you might just be angry about other people flirting with what’s yours more than anything.
“you’re hot when you’re angry though, maybe i should do that more often.” you stopped in your tracks and narrowed your eyes even more at him, you pulled him into the side alley, pushing him against the building side.
“you won’t.” you shut up with a kiss and he was smirking into your kiss, his hands roaming down your body and you had to pull away and remind yourself you were not in your hotel room. after that you both stumbled and practically ran back to your hotel.
jooheon
Tumblr media
jooheon is pretty well known for his unabashed displays of aegyo and so when he goes on a variety show it’s not surprising he’s asked to do it
unfortunately this show is hosted by a female idol and her reaction sends netizens into delusional theories that the two are surely dating
you’re so upset by the rumors and allegations that you start to believe them so when jooheon sees you two days after the rumors started you’re crying at your place
he’s so worried he pulls you to him automatically and asks repeatedly what happened and what’s wrong, not even thinking for a second it could be related to the rumors
finally you manage to stop crying and get out, “it’s okay if you love her too if she makes you happier i’ll understand.”
“what the hell are you talking about?” jooheon is so dumbfounded by your statement he stops soothing you and this makes you go back to crying
“you and that kpop idol on the variety show it’s all over the internet.”
“you idiot i would never date much less love anyone other than you.” you just stop crying at look at him through your tears, which you furiously wipe away again and see the sincerity on his face.
“oh.”
“yes oh i can’t believe you even believed them.” jooheon scoffs and gets off the bed you were both sat on, and then out of nowhere he picks you up and takes you to the bathroom
“we’re taking a bath so my baby can feel better,” the relaxing bath turns to a little more when he can’t but show how much he missed you the past couple days and just how much he loves you more than anyone else
I.M | im changkyun
Tumblr media
people expected changkyun to be the bad bitch in your relationship, he had sharp features, a deep voice, piercings, and an amazing body but everyone who knew you both knew you were the one who would slice a bitch
especially if a random girl is trying to dance on your man in the one nightclub everyone knows he’s taken in, this nightclub had cut some kind of nondisclosure deal with the idols and their companies but clearly this girl was new, however, that didn’t mean you would hold back
changkyun winced as she started to dance on him and backed away, but she was persistent as she turned around and tried again, he waved his hand in front of her, clearly disinterested
you didn’t want to step in but as you monitored the situation where you danced with jooheon you could tell changkyun was struggling to remain polite
but you didn’t have a reputation to maintain and you certainly weren’t as calm and collected as your boyfriend
in a couple seconds you were wedging yourself between her and your boyfriend
“i’d back away sweetie,” you painted on your best fake smile and changkyun let out a sigh of relief.
“who are you?” her voice and tone was unpleasant, it was all too unpleasant especially when you were trying your best not to break her
“i’m his girlfriend,”
“let’s let him pick,” she shoved you away and stepped closer to changkyun, and that’s when you know you’re about to end up at the police station...again
changkyun stops you by grabbing your waist and hauling you over his shoulder as you’re lunging for her hair
shownu appears out of nowhere and asks the girl to kindly fuck off in the way shownu just knows how to do
when you’re outside and the driver has pulled up to the club, changkyun sets you down, he looks partially amused but mostly concerned
he knows you hate it when other people flirt with him just like he has to stop himself from breaking the jaw of any guy who dances on you at the club
he pushes the hair out of your face and looks at you fondly, you just nod at him to let him know you’re okay, too lost in his eyes to find words at the moment
and then the driver is opening the door for you and you both shuffle into the very back row of the minivan
changkyun presses a kiss to your temple, and you lean into his side
“you’re so fucking sexy when you get like that, i know i shouldn’t encourage it but fuck,” changkyun whispers into your hair and you shiver as his deep voice sends chills through you, you let your hand travel from its place on his lap to where the leather of his pants is becoming strained
“don’t.” he hisses and you aren’t in the obedient mood as you look him straight in the eyes and continue your torture
you estimate you have about thirty mins to go to get home, the privacy screen between the driver and the back of the car won’t muffle all the sound of you both but you can at least remind changkyun who he belongs to
so when you’re done making him suffer in his leather pants, you unzip them and he’s hissing and grabbing your hand
“fuck babe,” you just smirk at him and then spit in your hand. changkyun groans and throws his head back against the headrest, soon enough you’re leaning down and taking him into your mouth and he’s whining your name in between strings of curses. you manage to finish him off before you even get home.
changkyun gets back at you and you’re sure the entire apartment complex knows his name now
932 notes · View notes
k3rm1e · 3 years
Note
heyo!! i was wondering if you would mind writing hc’s for a reader who just had a major accomplishment but their parents don’t really congratulate them or anything, and then philza celebrates with them instead and tells reader how proud he is. i kinda want some dadza comfort rn :’) anyway, thank you sm!! have a great day <3
accomplishments
heyo!! i was wondering if you would mind writing hc’s for a reader who just had a major accomplishment but their parents don’t really congratulate them or anything, and then philza celebrates with them instead and tells reader how proud he is. i kinda want some dadza comfort rn :’) anyway, thank you sm!! have a great day <3
hello anon! i’m sorry i took a while to answer this. i went a bit off track with this and got A LOT more angsty, so i’m really sorry about that. If you want me to make a much more fluffier or mellowed-out version, i’d be happy to. please, read the trigger warnings before reading this.
i don’t plan on writing more angst-y things like this, especially not this angsty, so don’t worry. once again, please, if you would like me to rewrite this into a less emotional version i’d be happy to
cw: swearing
tw: talk of god and the church, slight manipulation, repetition of words
accomplishments:
  holy shit. you were in disbelief. a state of shock. one million twitch followers. one. million. followers. you were silent. shock can have many effects on a person. some scream and laugh out of joy, or a misplaced sense of mania. others cry, because they cannot handle it. some remain confused, because their brains are unable to conceptualize the event. you were silent.
  what should you do? would a “thank you” tweet be good enough or would it come off as insincere? should you wait to stream? or would that make people feel you didn’t care because you took so long? through the anxiety you could feel the true realization that you now had one million followers. like a truck, you were hit with the most excited feeling ever. getting up, you jumped around your room. you spun and jumped and cheered and whooped and yelled and smiled and danced and were overflowing with joy, with the acknowledgement that you had done it, you had really fucking done it. 
  opening the window above your desk, without a single fuck, you screamed. “WHOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! FUCK YEAH!!!!!!” let’s just hope your neighbors don’t wake up.
  you stayed up all night, celebrating. tweeting out a thank you, you received congratulations from your fans and friends while you talked with the people in your discord vcs.
  in the morning, your mother and father had woken up. with a newfound determination, you ran downstairs. streaming was your passion and you wanted to tell the world what you had done. but, because of limitations, your mother was your metaphorical world.
  “mom! mom! mom! mother, mother, mumther!!” you shouted, dashing down the stairs, tripping over your feet. stupid wood flooring and slidy socks.
  from your place at the bottom of the stairs, you heard her sigh, “yes, sweetie?”
  you bounded over to her, setting your arms on the kitchen counter. from the hallway you could see your dad, who was sitting on the couch drinking his sunday morning coffee. “mom! guess what?” without giving her time to respond, you shouted, “i hit one million follows on twitch! one freaking million!”.
  your mother didn’t seem as enthusiastic as you. “is that why you were causing such a ruckus last night? and, watch your mouth, even though ‘freaking’ isn’t a ‘true’ curse, i don’t want you swearing. especially not on the lord’s day. i couldn’t fathom going to church everyday, only to allow you to have a mouth like that.” she continued to stare at her work papers.
  “oh, uh, okay mother. dad? did you hear me? i hit one million on twitch.” you awkwardly turned your head over to your father.
  “she’s right, you know that, don’t you sweetie?” your father stood up, and made his way into the kitchen. “language like that, it’s shameful. surely, we don’t need you to have a private session with father paulson, do we?” your dad stood next to your mother, rubbing her back as he stared at you.
  “no, no, of course not. um, i’m gonna go upstairs now.” you turned around, wishing you could simply disappear.
  “without breakfast? are you truly that upset with us? we can’t have you ending up like those people, committing sinful acts and going to hell. god would never forgive you. we’re already taking a risk allowing you to stream, putting yourself out there.”
  both your mother and father stared at you. your blood felt like ice in your veins. the white walls of your house seemed so much brighter, yet duller at the same time. everything felt a white-pure-pink-orange. your breathing got uneasy. choppy. in, out, out, in, in, in, out, in, in, out, out for different increments of time. 5, 3, 2, 7, 10, 9, 6, 4, 1, 6, 8, seconds, over and over and over.
  “we just wanna protect you, dear. we love you, don’t you get that?” your mother stared at you.
  you felt like a scene in those movies. the ones that directly cater to teens who thought their lives were shit when in reality they just hadn’t grown up enough to make sense of something yet. were you one of those teens? or is this actually wrong. you don’t think it is, but you don’t talk to others about this. family matters stay in the family was a common phrase repeated in your household. the church was family, they could know. your mother and father, they could know. others, they must not know, never know.
  “of course, mother, father.” you wanted to force yourself to speak, but syllables were incapable of getting past your lips. your mouth was full of peanut butter from the sandwiches served in your elementary school cafeteria. but, the partly frozen chocolate milk always washed it down. “of course. i love you guys too. love you.” you smiled, a disgusting smile that felt violating to exist on your face, violating, violating, violating.
  you dashed up the stairs, to your room, up, up, up. running in, you wanted to slam the door, scream out the window, puch your pillow, smash your pc, cry, whatever you could do to get out your emotions. but instead, you lightly shut your door and slowly walked over to your desk chair to see who was online. you would go live later. it was only 5 AM, after all. they could wait. at least, you hoped they could.
  opening discord, just to see what everyone was doing, you saw philza minecraft was online. you went over and messaged him, ‘phil. philza. philza minecraft. vc please?’ in response, you received a short, ‘sure m8, gimme a minute’ you waited, until you heard the noise confirming he had joined.
  “good morning phil.” your energy from before had receded back into the confines of your chest. the prior excitement was gone and replaced with a feeling of fatigue.
  “morning mate, how are you? congrats on the one mill!” phil sounded excited, happy for you. you smiled, chuckling a bit.
  “i’m alright man, just tired. how are you? and, thanks for the congrats.” you smiled, feeling the fatigue set in.
  “i’m good. but you, you don’t sound very good. couldn’t sleep, could ya’? that was how i was when i hit one mill. way too excited to sleep.”
  “yeah. yeah, i’m just tired.” you were getting a bit too tired to talk. the day had barely started, and yet the full-body emotional exhaustion had set.
  “‘just tired’? the hell happened kid?” phil’s voice sounded concerned. fuck. the last thing you wanted to do was worry him. he had his own life and you had already caused enough trouble today.
  “it’s nothing big phil, seriously. just my parents.” there, a slight bit of information. family matters still within the family, just a few words.
  “they being shitbirds? or are you lying, and something big did happen?” he was being inquisitive, which was dangerous. questions were dangerous.
  “no, why would i lie?” his inquisitiveness would continue, you knew. so you spilled the metaphorical beans. “they just, just weren’t as supportive as i’d wished they were when i told them. i was really psyched, y’know? and them, just sort of, not giving a shit? i don’t know man, it just feels bad.”
  “i get you. it’s shit, when people don’t care about your accomplishments. my parents never really saw streaming as a true profession in the beginning, which led to shit like you describing. i promise it gets better though, even if it feels like shit now. and, for what it’s worth, i’m proud of you.”
  “it’s fine phil, you don’t need to try to make me feel better. i’m okay, seriously.” you didn’t need or want his pity. accepting it would feel patronizing.
  “no, you need to understand that i’m not fucking around. one million is a big fuckin’ thing, especially for you who hasn’t been streaming all that long to achieve. it’s fucking amazing, mate. be proud of yourself, for christ’s sake.” his fake anger chimed through your headphones. even though you were being berated, you still felt better.
  “thank you, phil. i needed that.”
  “your welcome, mate. and look, anytime your parents are being shit, don’t try to hold it all in. call me, or wil, or someone, okay? don’t hold that shit in.”
  you fake sighed, just to piss him off. “okayyyyyy….”
  “good. now, go take a nap or some shit. i love you, kid.”
  “love you too, dadza.” this time, your words didn’t feel forced. the smile on your face wasn’t violating, but an invitation to better times. it would be alright. okay.
370 notes · View notes
simpsiren · 3 years
Text
the ukiyo standalone;
Tumblr media
park jisung x reader
Jisung is everyone’s joy and prized possession. Being the youngest of his friend group and with his child-like nature, he’s certainly the one that everyone favours. He’s adorable, innocent, pure. You would think he’s well known in college but in actuality, he’s pretty hidden, living his life in the shadow of his friends. He didn’t mind it really. He didn’t need to feel the crowd prying their eyes into his business like his friends, which was why he actually isn’t seen with them often in the first place, he didn’t need to stand out.
genre. fluff, angst, emotional, heart warming aNd heart breaking 
word count. 20k~
description. In this current fast pace world, there was never really a time I could take a break. I did choose this path as a lawyer major knowing I would be drowning myself with papers every single night and pulling all-nighters for an inhumane number of days. As much as I want or even need to rest, I never could. This was the path I’ve chosen. And my pride was too high to let myself stop the grind. That is until I made a mistake of calling an unknown number who belonged to a guy named Jisung at the campus library. I thought he was a waste of time till I realised he showed me to slow down, not having to force my body to move with the world’s speed, to be my ukiyo; my floating world.
!as they should masterlist!
Tumblr media
Jisung liked doing social experiments. It was practically his side hobby, something he’d do when there wasn’t anything important on his to-do list. He was simply interested at how the students at his campus would react upon weird occurrences around them. It got students talking whenever he did something, the fact that they didn’t know it was his doing is one of the reasons why he does it in the first place.
On this particular night, where Jisung was staring out of his window from his study table that was directly in front of it, giving the clearest view of the stars and especially the bright moon that reflected its light through his cracked open window and onto his study table, he was wondering about what to do next. What would get people to feel weirded out. What would get them to react a certain way.
When an idea came to mind, the light bulb hovering over his head switched on, the gears began to turn. It wasn’t the most brilliant idea, but it could go both ways. Either the students don’t bother even taking in their surroundings to notice it, or suffer the loss of not getting help. Jisung’s a dance major but he liked doing these projects for the fun of it so might as well. Jisung peeled off a random piece of sticky note from the stack with his other stationeries. Clicking his pen, he immediately went to writing.
When times you aren’t feeling fine, just call this number. I’ll try to be available 24/7.
Jisung frowned slightly and tilted his head. If he were to paste his numbers all over the school, he would probably be bombarded with calls every two seconds. It also didn’t make sense for him to be available 24/7. Clearly that was impossible. His frown deepened. He thought for a long moment, trying to phrase a sentence that was more suitable for what he wanted to do. With a smack of his lips and an unsure hiss, he grabbed a new sticky note and started again.
Glad you came to notice this note laying wherever you are in the library. Feeling stressed? Need someone to talk to? Simply need a friend? My number’s below. You don’t have to know who I am. I’m just here to help you out, mentally I guess. I’m available from 1PM-3AM. Call whenever you feel the need to. Have a nice day :D (don’t worry I’m not some stalker or whatever i’m just a bored student here)
Jisung clicked his pen against the table to close it, his eyes scanning over his words, which might he add was beautifully written, like calligraphy. Jisung couldn’t help but crack a small smile at that thought. He threw the pen off to the side and went to his printer with the sticky note, now moving on to making copies. He wanted to copy a reasonable number, not too little till no one noticed or too many till it was extremely obvious, but well enough for him to get at least a small chance of getting a response. With a number in mind, he began printing.
The next day, he went for his lecture in the morning. He preferred having the morning lectures just so he could spend the rest of his day doing whatever. And on today’s agenda was the pasting of his notes. With the weight of his bag pulling his shoulders and back down, he wished he could go back to the dorms right now and start of his assignment but he wanted to settle this first.
He entered the library. It wasn’t too crowded. Students were fairly spaced apart from each other in the study area, sparse. Some students were at shelves. With his hands still shoved into the pockets of his black Adidas jacket, he make his way over to a random study table. He needed to do this quick to avoid suspicion. But why would students notice anyway? They had their heads digged into whatever work that was incomplete.
Jisung slowed himself down and took out the a note from the small file he had in his bag along woth a large clear tape role. He had to put his bag down, searching for the scissors. He cut a reasonable amount of tape after placing the note in the bottom right corner and placed it over top, sealing the note onto the table. Jisung back away for a moment, taking a long look at it. It was small, but still noticeable. With a satisfied shrug, he went on to do the same for some other tables, even going to bookshelves and randomly pasting them anywhere he wished.
What he didn’t know, was that he was being watch.
Tumblr media
I had my brain wrapped around this essay for who knows how long now. Hours, days. Having to redo my research for the fith time was about to have my head spinning till it lolled, out of energy and brain power to hold up. I stared down at the notes scattered all over. The table was a huge mess, loosing track of how many pages I’ve flipped and how many articles I read online, as well as time of course. I sighed quietly, leaning back and closing my eyes, wanting to rest them for a brief moment.
When my eyelids opened back, I couldn’t help but notice the person that had been hovering around the study tables for far too long. It was distracting, watching him move from table to table at the corner of my eye. And though my attention had been on my papers, he was still to be seen in my peripheral vision. I blinked my eyes rapidly and shook my head, refusing to let a small matter tick me off to the point where I wasn’t able to do my work.
I straightened my back and adjusted my shoulders. Closing back my eyes, I took in a deep breath, chest puffing up as I gave myself a determined nod. I shot my eyes back open and with full exhilaration running through my veins, I got back to work, shutting the world out so it was just me and my work, wanting to get it done and over with.
Again I lost track of time, but in a much more productive way than how I was in the morning. I didn’t have classes today, making full use of my free time on my work. I pressed the final key on my keyboard, ending my essay with an exhale of satisfaction. I leaned back into the seat, throwing my head back till it went past the backrest. I placed my hands on the arms of the chair, and it was then did I realise that the library was extremely quiet.
I took in my surroundings, slow scanninv my eyes over the library. It was already dark, some areas pitch black while other were visible with the help of the moonlight shining through the windows. It was only the light at my study table that illuminated the area around with a orange hue. I didn’t mind being the inly one here, but sometimes it felt eerily quiet, like tonight. I grabbed my phone that was shoved into my bag. Lifting it up in front of me, the lockscreen showed itself, as well as the ungodly hour blaring at me.
“Three in the morning? How did I even...” I tilted my head slowly in awe, surpised at just how time flew by when I was immersed in completing my assignment. I read through my essay, having to close my eyes halfway due to how bright the screen of my laptop was. I was scanning through the first paragraph when I immediately went to shut down, already too tired to have one last scan through and making the mental decision of doing it tomorrow.
I packed up immediately, the thought of my bed and sleeping now being the number one priority. I shoved all my things in my tote bag, slinging it on my right shoulder. I was already taking off, a mere few steps away from the exit when I saw something shining at the corner of my eye. I stopped and turned on my heel to the study table. Slowly, my eyes trailed to the bottom right corner where the source of my pause came from. Turned out it was simply the light reflected of a tape. But upon further inspection, I went closer noticing it wasn’t just tape, but a note.
I read it over, having to brush some strands of hair behind my ear that was annoyingly covering the note. I quirked an eyebrow in a questioning manner, leaning back to my standing form once I was done reading, yet my eyes were glued to the impressively written note. “Who gives out their number just like that?” I couldn’t help but wonder under my breath. Too tired to even register any more information, I let this weird occurrence slid out of my mind, continuing to make my way out of the library and back to my dorm where I instantly fell asleep with no second thoughts.
The next day I got up, the light shining through the small holes of my curtain blinding me awake. I searched for my phone under my pillow, plugging out its charger while I scrolled through my social media, specifically Twitter. The first thing that popped up on my timeline was a tweet from the campus’s very own account. No one knows who it was made by, but you can bet that whoever they are has their eyes everywhere around the school, tweeting about the latest gossips or news around campus grounds. Today’s one sparked a memory from last night.
Someone’s at it again stirring up the attention of our students by having their number out in the open for everyone to see in our library. Was there more to it than just wanting to offer help through call service?
I scoffed, glancing away for a moment before retrieving my gaze back to my phone. “Do they actually want people calling them?” I asked myself while scrolling my thumb up to look at the other tweets below. It did come to my attention that night, now picturing the note in my mind. I didn’t remember the number, but it was there, and something about it was drawing the curiosity in me to find out more. With a grunt I shot myself out of bed, getting ready to head to the library again to study.
I hadn’t expected how much time would pass by just from me studying. I’ve been in the library for almost a full day. I was being sent on an emotional roller coaster ride. Some hours being a breeze as I studied the easiest topics, while others had me wanting to rip my hair off my scalp from trying to shove all the information in my brain when it felt like it was at its full capacity. I wasn’t myself today. I kept looking at my phone that was a distraction, which was something I never did at all while studying. I was off the edge.
With exams coming up in a month’s time, I knew I was studying too much too early. But I always had to stick to my life motto. “Get it done and over with.” I muttered to myself. But tonight, at one in the morning, my body and mind couldn’t register any more information. I couldn’t. I was tired, exhausted. Drained. The stress came barreling in full force and I hated how I was making myself feel this way by always being on edge and doing things too fast to keep up with everything else in life.
Wanting to clear my head, I began gathering some of my notes, stacking them up to the clean the table that was in a huge mess. My eyes have grown used to this sight, but I was simply cleaning for the sake of procrastinating and putting off the desire to complete aoother topic. When I was done cleaning one section of the table, something struck my attention. I looked to the bottom right corner of the table. And there it was. The note that’s been in the hidden folds of my mind when I pushed them back to focus on studying.
My eyes went from left to right, specifically at the number since I’ve remembered the note unusually vividly. “Should I?” I whispered. I looked around, no one was to be seen. Weird, since I’d usually see at least one student here despite the late hour. I exhaled softly, letting the cold air that circulated around me in the night cool my skin while I picked up my phone from the table and keyed in the number. I wasn’t thinking about what I was getting myself into. At this point, I was already overloaded with my studies that I was malfunctioning, clearly not thinking straight.
I placed the phone up to my ear, leaning forward and letting my upper body rest against the table while I placed my chin in the palm of my free hand. The ringing went on for five times, and I was about to hang up when I heard the sound of the phone being picked up. “Hey. Who’s this?” It was a guy. Could it be the one that I saw lurking around that day? I gulped and cleared my throat, opening my mouth and letting out an “Uh..” while trying to figure out what to say. “Your number is here. One the study table at the library.” I simply said, wondering what he’ll respond with.
Sudden shuffles could be heard. It went on for a brief moment till he exclaimed, “Oh! Right, right. Hey! I’m at your service, what do you need?” His voice sounded dry and coarse, like he had forgotten to drink water before he slept. Was he sleeping and picked up while he’s half asleep? I ran a hand through my hair, adjusting to get comfortable. “A listening ear. That’s all I need.” I murmured through the speaker. I had to let it all out. And it came to the point where I’d rather actually talk to a stranger about my problems than anyone I knew. But that’s how we all are nowadays, right? Too self conscious and simply wanting to put on an act for the whole world.
“Go on. I’m all ears.” He replied back, sounding attentive and somewhat interested. I didn’t want to think much of it. He was clearly like this to everyone else who called for “his service”. Being receptive and responsive. Kind and willing. That’s what he sounded like. The first person to actually say something that felt like all those things at once, to me.
“Do...” I trailed off, shaking my head and wondering what I even wanted to say in the first place. I smacked my lips. “Don’t you just feel tired? Of like the whole world. Everything and everyone around you. You’re tired physically and emotionally.” He hummed in response. “Of course I do. A lot of people feel that.” I scoffed softly, biting my bottom lip. “Yes but, the other thing that’s making me tired... is myself. I have this habit of just overloading my brain with lots of things. It feel as if I’m making myself stress on purpose.” I couldn’t help but chuckle weakly as the words left my lips.
“I always wanted to the best I could be. And that led to me just grinding and grindinv everyday with no end. I barely get to sleep, and even if I did. I’ll wake up and the whole cycle will repeat itself. I fucking hate that I’m in this loop. But I chose to be here. I can’t break out.” My voice began to crack. It took me awhile to realise that I was crying till my tears fell on the papers and made its mark by crinkling the paper while it soaked up my tears. I blotched them off my cheeks with the back of my hand.
“Hey, if-”
“And don’t.” I cut him off instantly before he could even utter another word. “Don’t tell me other people are going through the same thing.” I shut my eyes close, heaving a slow and heavy sigh. “I know. Everyone in my major goes through the same process. I’m weak. Even though I try to act like I’m the best student. My tolerance level can go down the drain for all I care.” I paused for a moment, mentally telling himt to resume whatever he wanted to say but knew he couldn’t read my mind.
But from the pause he knew what it meant and picked it up quickly, clearing his throat. “I was about to say if you want to cry, you can. I can tell that you’re holding it in and I don’t even need to see you.” I sniffled, the feeling of wanting to burst into tears again came about, rising in my body and making my chest clench. “It’s okay.” As if on cue, I screamed, cried, poured it all out. I threw my phone down, the call still on as I wailed into my palms, pressing my face against them. I’ve never had such a breakdown in months, simply shoving it to the back of my mind and kept ignoring it till it came out like this. A full blown terror.
I wanted to talk, yet my mouth couldn’t form any words. All that came out were sniffles as I calmed myself down. “I don’t really have much to say on this. And you probably don’t even want to hear me talk but you should take a break. Really. Just one day. You need it. Because you seriously don’t sound okay.” I couldn’t help but breathe out a short laugh, a very weak and effortless one. “I never thought of that, Captain Obvious.” I rolled my eyes, a smile cracking through for a brief moment.
He chuckle on the other end of the line. “You thought of it but didn’t put it into action.” He stated, sounding slightly firm. “Yes.” I admitted dryly. A few beats of silence passed, I could hear his breathing, calm and soothing. “I think I should, um, go now?” It was suppose to be a statement but due to me trying to recover from my mess, it came out as a question. I could hear him licking his lips. “Yes of course. Oh and hey.” “Yeah?”
“Do you need help with that rest day of yours?” I didn’t reply, giving it a long throught. “I probably won’t even be doing it.” I said through a sigh, beginning to pack up my things to head out of the library. “But you should. Actually, you will. I want to make sure of it.” I couldn’t help but furrow my eyebrows at his unexpected tone of determination. “Don’t you have other people to attend to for your call service?” I questioned.
“You’re actually the first one.” I could tell he was feeling rather embarrassed, letting out a tight laugh after his statement. “And I don’t even know who you are.” I was now walking out of the library, phone still to the ear while I adjusted my tote bag on my shoulder. “For starters, I’m a dance major. I’d like to mostly keep my identity hidden for now. Unless you want to meet.”
I gaped my mouth open ever so slightly, somewhat in disbelief. “You want to meet?” I echoed his question back to him, head tilted mere degrees to the side. “Well I have to make sure you have that rest day of yours. How can I when I don’t meet you?” I chuckled softly, the corner of my lips perking up. “I’ll think about it. At least I have your number now.”
“Always at your service, miss. Have a good night.”
With that, the call ended. I didn’t realisd just how much time passed by simply talking to him. It went by so fast. It was already getting pretty late by the time I checked my phone for the time. I made my way back to the dorm, the cold breeze of the night kissing my skin gently and blowing strands of hair into my face that I had to brush off. I looked up to the sky, for once the world was quiet, at rest, and just for these few hours, I had always admired how I could breathe the freedom of mere minutes while I went to the dorm.
Yet, while admiring the ink black sky, the conversation I had with the call service guy resonated in my head, I laughed at how weird it was, pouring all that I’ve bottled up till now to someone who was of no significance to me. He probably won’t even remember we had this conversation, only passing it on as his first service call. He was also only doing his job, simply being there for me to talk. Why was I even taking this seriously? I could never rest. I could never take a break. I always had moments like these to treasure at heart before I awaken to everything going full speed yet again.
Tumblr media
I walked to the lecture hall, watching students happily walking on campus with their friends with the sky a mix of blue and white. It was a regular day. Hopefully, if I didn’t have any assignment and I could focus on studying.
Just then, a whole ton of screaming could be heard, but it was muffled and drowned out due to how far I was from the source. But it sounded horrendous. As if a boy band had just entered the campus and send billions of fangirls to their way. I wanted to continue walking but the squeals of excitement got louder and closer to me. I turned my head to the back. “Ah... why didn’t I think about that?”
There’s the group of guys again. Too popular for their own good. Everyone was shouting their names, swooning over each one of them. I wonder how they didn’t find having to deal with that annoying. Or perhaps it was just an act. I backed away from the hallway to watch them strut by casually, the group of girls following closely behind. But just then, for a brief moment, a guy wearing a black adidas jacket walked past me, mutttering “I really shouldn’t have followed you guys today.” He rolled his eyes and went out of sight. I turned my head to the right, where I could now see his back. He looked petite yet lean, with orange hair of a natural tone, the under part of it being black. What stood out to me the most was his adidas jacket. Wasn’t that the one from the library?
“Do you guys actually go through that every single day?” Jisung groaned out finally taking a breath of fresh air as they entered the room, feeling as if he got swallowed by all the attention throughout their trip to the playroom. Mark picked up a basketball from the side and began bouncing it casually to the couch where the rest were getting settled. “Today’s especially crazy because it’s our group’s anniversary.” Jisung gave an unimpressed look. “Do you think I don’t know that?” He shrugged in a blasé, god-could-care sort of way.
“How’s your call service thing going? We know it’s was your doing. My timeline’s blowing up about it this whole time.” Jeno questioned. Jisung sat at the corner of the couch. placing his forearm on the armrest and leaning his body to it. “Funny how it’s all girls and they all talked about how they couldn’t get you guys to notice them. It always had something to do with one of you.” Jisung laughed carelessly, remembering back the calls he’d been receiving throughout today. Jisung tried his best to suppress his laughter to not sound rude. Even if Jisung found it ridiculous, he wasn’t in the place to say anything about it. His call service was meant for him to console the people who called, no matter the situation he was being told.
However, another thought that came to focus was the call that he specifically had late in the night. It was his first call. And whoever that girl was, she certainly made an impression on Jisung. How she was letting it all out, being free enough to tell someone like him about such deep feelings. It was raw and transparent. The conversation never left his mind. Jisung zinged back to attention when he heard Haechan scoff loudly. He turned to him, seeing him leaned back, shoulders and back relaxed and cool while he had his weight placed on his leg and his arms folded. He then clicked his tongue and said, “Not surprised.” nonchalantly, clearly showing that he was already used to the large amount of girls swooning over him through his voice.
“So are you guys free tonight? We could take a break and hang out.” Everyone nodded their heads followed by hums filling the room signaling that everyone agreed, except for Jisung. “Jisung, you in?” Renjun asked. Jisung took in a deep breath, glancing sideways and giving it a thought. He slowly shook his head. “Why? Are you busy?” Chenle asked quizzically. “Have an assignment.” Jisung blurted out, though he had other reasons.
The rest planned to head out together after spending time in the playroom. Jisung was left in his dorm, pacing back and forth from one end of his room to the other, eyes looking to his phone each time to turned. What was he waiting for? He wanted to ask himself, as if he didn’t already knew the answer. He was so drawn in to her. The way she spoke, the honesty in her voice. It’s as if he didn’t even need to look at her to know how she was moving and what she was doing.
Jisung scratched his head furiously and on the edge of his bed heavily, grabbing his phone and letting it sit in hand loosely. “She wouldn’t call again, would she? But I did imply that she could meet me if she wanted to. She might not even call again.” Jisung muttered to himself constantly, hopping from one possibility to another, raising his hopes up and bringing them back down. Jisung groaned loudly in frustration.
“Why am I even...” Jisung threw his phone to his bed and stood up again with a grunt, wanting to resume his assignment that was almost finished. All it took was one call to have him this tangled and have his mind wrapped around a simple phone call. Worst part is he didn’t even knew if he could ever see her. He could only depend on his chances and luck that she’d want to contact him again.
This time I decided to study in my dorm, too lazy to go down to the library. It wasn’t the best environment to study. My bed was literally mere inches away from my study table, constantly wanting to pull me into throwing myself on it and shut out each time I looked at it. It was a bad decision to have my room planned out like that, but I was too lazy to move it. I tapped the end of my pen against the table rapidly, my mind going black as I simply stared at a random spot on the wall. I wasn’t having the adrenaline to do my work today. I was simply doing it for the sake of doing it, not having a clear goal.
I turned to my phone, being a remembrance of my call with the service guy. I had thought about it the whole day, whether I should give him a call. But I was overthinking it. What if he’s busy? What if he had other people’s call to deal with? All sorts of questions popped up, but after giving it a long thought, I flipped my phone screen faced down harshly, shaking my head vigorously and tensing my hands on my scalp.
“Concentrate.” I stated out boldly to myself right smack in the face. I repeated the same word as I got ready to resume my studying. I couldn’t be thinking about a mere call. It was just a call. One time I let out my now spilled out feelings. I was empty now, so there shouldn’t be a need for another call. I could continue what I always did.
Tumblr media
Jisung’s friends had been realising how he’s been zoning out more often than usual. And he wasn’t as outwardly as he had always been. They pampered him a lot and treated him like their own child. But there was something that made Jisung feel different around them. Jaemin nudged Jisung in the elbow, making him jolt to sit up right in shock and shooting his head to Jaemin. “Huh?” Jisung let out.
“Have you been okay lately? You seem to have something on your mind often.” Jaemin asked, his eyes scanning the room and seeing the rest of their friends minding their own businesses. Jisung blinked his eyes rapidly and shook his head. “You sure?” Jisung puffed up his cheeks and let the air out through a sigh. “You know my call service?” Jisung began, he knew Jaemin would recognise the slightest change in Jisung’s behaviour. Everyone did, that was how much they cared about him. But Jaemin was the first one to bring it up so might as well. Everyone will know eventually.
Jaemin hummed in response. “My first call. It was very late into the night when. It’s a girl. And hers, was different than the rest I’ve received. As she talked, I felt that she was hiding nothing from me. That she was letting it all out for me to hear, not caring about who I was.” Jisung whispered. “I felt her desperation, her cries of help. Though she said she’ll manage it somehow, I got the feeling that she wouldn’t be able to. That she’ll crumble the more she continued.” Jaemin nodded his head slowly, processing Jisung’s words. “And so?”
“I mentioned to her that if she ever needed a call, she could do so. Or better if we meet. But she never called. And I don’t know who she is, which is what’s been on my mind. The frustration that she made such an impact yet I haven’t found out who she is.” Jaemin puckered his lips and looked upwards thoughtfully. “Did she mention anything about herself? Her major, or anything?” Jisung recalled their conversation that was etched in his mind. Jisung frowned and shook his head.
“What time did she call?” “One or two in the morning?” Jaemin gasped in disgust. “Who the hell-”
“Law and psychology students.” Jeno suddenly came into the conversation seamlessly and casually. Jisung leaned back and raised brows. “Really?” Jisung asked. Jeno scoffed and nodded. “They have tons of shit to study. From what Jaehyun tells me, they’re always staying up super late going through papers.” Jeno imitated a gag and a shiver in objection. “I could never.” He added.
“There’s so many students in those majors. How am I going to find her?” Jeno arched a questioning brow. “Find who?” Jisung sighed and motioned a hand to Jeno while looking at Jaemin, raising his brows for a moment. Jaemin waved a hand at Jeno when Jisung dropped his hand on his lap. “I’ll tell you guys later.” With that, Jeno shrugged mindlessly and went off. Jaemin adverted his attention back to Jisung, who looked even more discouraged than before.
“My poor baby. Listen, I’m sure you made an impression just like how she did on you. If she doesn’t call again, who knows. She might try finding you instead of giving you a call. Or you can just pray and gamble your luck. If you want, I’ll help you find her. You know my connections always come in handy.” Jaemin flashed a reassuring smile that Jisung didn’t hesitate to reciprocate, though it was smaller. “I’ll figure something out.” Jisung muttered, clicking his tongue.
I didn’t want to do this at first, but it kept bugging me the whole day, as if it was something that just had to be done by occupying my mind for almost the whole day. I walked out of the lecture hall, head scanning across the campus with my eyes wide open and attentive to find him.
From what I remembered, he said he was a performing arts major. And the only person I knew in that major was the one and only Ten, who I always saw lurking around the cafés on campus while I made my way back to the dorm. Luckily, I saw him sitting on a bench outside one of the cafés, munching on something while he played his phone. I instantly ran up to him, feeling a sense of hope rising while I accidentally poked Ten in the arm too hard to get his attention, causing him to wince. He looked up and recognised me, instantly flashing a welcoming smile.
“Oh, hey!” Ten shouted, his eyes forming a thin line while he waved at me with his chocolate croissant in hand. “Can I ask something briefly and perhaps even do me a favour?” I asked, slow and nervous with uncertainty. Ten raised his eyebrows quizzically. “Mm sure.” He simply replied. I exhaled and looked him in the eye. “I’m assuming you’re having your break now. Would it be possible for you to take me to your practice room? I know it’s random but I have something I need to check.”
Ten didn’t reply for a long minute, probably wondering why such a vague request came out from someone who would most likely have her time occupied almost 24/7. After waiting in anticipation, he finally shrugged and rose from the bench with a grunt. He proceeded to stretch his back, turning side to side and sighing in satisfaction. “Alright. I can take you there now.” With that, he went forward down the hall, walking as if leaving me behind. I stared at his back for a moment before quickly moving up to meet his pace.
We didn’t talk on the way there. Luckily I didn’t have to worry about us being awkward since the walk from the cafés to the practice room was only a few minutes. I was looking around when I almost bumped into Ten due to his sudden stop of motion and turning to face a door. I peeked inside and I could already see the full wall mirror that I saw dancers usually use. I turned to Ten, who jerked his head to the door, motioning me to open and enter the room.
The moment I placed my hand on the door handle, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of nervousness in me, wondering if I would even find him since I have zero idea on how he looked like. The only evidence I had was the fact that I saw someone wearing an adidas jacket who I assumed to be the one I was looking for. But that was such an unreliable assumption that I knew I couldn’t fully trust, but still try to find a way to use it to my advantage either way.
I pushed the door open, instantly bombarded with hard stomps coming from the people dancing. I felt the floor shake tremendously from the intimidating impact that created. The music was blasting from the speaker in front of them, along with a bottle which I assumed to be marked as the center of the stage. I watched silently, feeling Ten’s presence behind. With a glance over my shoulder, I could tell he was eyeing the performance with much concentration and intensity, eyes squinting as if analysing each and every one of their movements to a T.
I brought my focus back on them. It didn’t take my eyes long for it to focus on one person. The adidas jacket guy. One guy was wearing it. He was also wearing a black cap, blonde hair poking out from the bottom. His figure was small yet attractively lean. I couldn’t see his face at all. Yet, I was so drawn to him. Not just because he could’ve been the one I was looking for, but the fact that his dance was engaging, and nothing compared to the rest.
They got to a moment where everyone exited and it was just him alone in the center of the room while others waited by the sidelines. My mouth gaped open slightly, watching him go. His movements are seemingly perfect, every part of his body moving fluidly like water yet intricate and hard hitting. It was impactful, loud. He stood out, and I could picture the whole room going dark with a single light shining on him, and only him. I could tell he was expressing himself and giving his all. I didn’t need to have background knowledge on dance to see that in him.
The dance lasted for about five minutes, and I had my eyes locked on Adidas Jacket guy the whole time, too immersed to the point where I didn’t even feel Ten poking my shoulder. “_____?” He called out, making me blink my eyes rapidly upon hearing his voice and turning my head around. “Yeah?” Ten ruffled his hair. “They’re done. You can check whatever you need to check now.” I let out a soft, “Um...” while turning my head back to the front, eyes glazing over the room and looking for Adidas Jacket. I stood there frozen, not exactly sure what I even wanted to do in the first place.
I turned around fully to face Ten, adjusting my tote bag. “Actually, I think I’m good. I’ll go now. See you around?” It was more of a greeting than a question. But either way, Ten downshifted his head and moved his body out of my way to the door. “You too. Come more often if you’d like.” Ten smiled kindly. I simply reciprocated back the smile and walked out, not saying anything about Ten’s last comment.
At the dorm, I had my arms and legs spread out while I laid on my bed, blankly staring at the plain white ceiling while I tried to connect the dots, or even just simply having everything laid and mapped out in my mind. How was I even sure that could be him? His physique seemed to be similar from what I remembered, the jacket was another clue too. But how could I confirm it? I have yet to check the time the moment I came back, and I already knew hours had gone by.
“Who even are you?” I asked to the ceiling, directing it to the mysterious call service guy who had my mind hung up in him and having my busy life off balance.
Tumblr media
“Who are you?” Jisung questioned silently, though it was loud enough that Renjun had to peek his head over the bunk bed to look at Jisung who was below. “What are you talking about?” Renjun asked. Jisung turned his head to the side, showing Renjun his side profile and closing his eyes with a quiet sigh. “It’s nothing.” Renjun shrugged and headed back to sleep.
Jisung had his mind on her the entire time, who could she be, how he could find her, and even where to start? He knew nothing about her. And that’s the thing. He didn’t know exactly what was making him think about her so much, it was just their call in general. He had zero information on her. And if what Jeno said was true, then he was probably thinking about going through such extend with his idea to get even a glimpse of her.
That very day once he ended his dance practice which was around evening with the sun beginning to shine brightly, he went to the library. What was his plan exactly? He wanted to wait in the library till he could find her. But how would he even know? He didn’t even know why he was doing this in the first place. He was simply placing his bet on faith and praying that the hours he was about to spend in the most dreadful place ever would not go to waste.
Not knowing what to do, he ended up huddled in a corner of the library, using the bookshelves on both sides of him to lean back and rest his head. He hated being in libraries, he hated anything to do with academics, which was why he chose to pursue his passion for dance. Though there was still dance theory, it wasn’t as bad as he thought it would be. But being surrounded by books that offered him no information he wanted to know about had him feeling dizzy and bored to death.
He checked the time on his phone, eyes widening at how late it was. He felt his stomach squeezing, a low grumble coming from it while desperately asking for food to enter his system. He face suddenly lit up, remembering how he had leftover bread from the bread store he dropped by during his break. He instantly took it out and ate, watching the sun come down through the windows and turning the sky from blazing red to ink black, welcoming the night with the moonlight shining in.
He has yet to notice anyone that caught his eye. He started to think that he could have possibly missed his chance. What if she was here but left when Jisung had his guard down? What if she wasn’t even here to begin with? Should he just leave and not waste more time? Jisung was desperately holding onto his last string of hope, that was already fraying and could snap in a matter of seconds. Too tired of staying in one place, he decided to take a walk around the library.
Jisung went to the study area, the spot where he stood from gave him a clear view of everyone in their seats. Fair enough, there were students who looked like they were about to stay the whole night here, which made Jisung sniffled in disgust. How could anyone even put up with that much studying?
He was roaming and scanning his eyes lazily over the books tucked neatly and tightly on the shelves, taking long strides while he walked. Suddenly, his phone vibrated in his hand. He brought it up in front of him, seeing an unknown number displayed. Picking up the call, and he greeted, “Hey! Always at your service. What do you need?” in the most cheerful way he could put out. Though the exaggerated sigh he let out while picking up the call might’ve been heard from the other end.
“Um hey. I don’t think you remembered me but I’m the first one to call. You know uh, stressed out girl? Need a rest day girl?” Jisung widened his eyes at the realisation. It was her. “Uh...” He stammered, quickly bringing his phone down to take a screenshot of her number before placing it back on his ear. “Hey! How have you been? Glad you called again.” Jisung turned around to lean again the bookshelf, arms folded while he looked down.
“It’s been fine.” She replied. Jisung could already feel the uneasiness in her tone, shining through her words. “You aren’t.” Jisung stated outwardly, unintentionally sounding harsh. “Have you taken your rest day?” Jisung asked out of pure curiosity. This was the moment of lucky coincidence, one that he had to make full use of so he wouldn’t let her slip out of his grasp. “Not exactly? I’m at the library again. Had to complete a project.” Jisung’s eyes widened again, this time till his eye ball could’ve fallen out of his eye sockets.
Jisung quickly and hurriedly made his way to the study area, where he last stood. And there she was. He could feel the hairs behind his neck standing upright like soldiers with goosebumps being sent all over his body. She’s the only student there, the orange lamp illuminating the small area surrounding her. Jisung could only see her back unfortunately. Jisung would’ve ran up to her and surprised her. But something in him made him want to just admire her from afar. “You seem to be putting that rest day off? Have it tomorrow. It’s a Friday either way.” Jisung mentioned, eyes narrowing down on her back.
Jisung watched as she sighed and a ran a hand through her hair quickly, somewhat in distress. “Can you force me to?” She whispered, lowering her voice. Jisung blinked his eyes for a moment. “You want me to force you? I don’t want you feeling forced.” She chuckled through the phone, sending a shiver down Jisung’s spine. “I know I won’t do it on my own will. I’m just like that. Like I said before, I’m basically driving myself into insanity trying to keep up with my work. Always grinding, always on the edge. And I can never slip off once.”
I called on impulse. My hands couldn’t keep away from typing in the same number now permanent on the bottom right corner of the table. As I hear him speak on the other end, I weirdly felt safe, and comfort. A sense of calmness. “I’m anxious that if I shut myself from the world from one day, I’ll miss out on a lot, and just stress over it while I try getting everything done to be back on the same level.” I gulped, laughing weakly. “I’m stressing myself for no reason.”
Jisung walked from the back of the bookshelves to shift his angle of sight, attempting to get a better look of her instead of just her back. He managed to get a better view, but the side of her face was covered by her hair as she kept looking down on the table, which only made Jisung frown. “Did you consider about the meet up?” Jisung questioned, peeking his head upwards and standing on his toes, trying everything he can he get a glimpse of her without actually approaching.
“Why do you want to meet me? Hasn’t there been anyone else that called you service? You are required to comfort them too. Why am I so important that you would even want to meet me?” Jisung left a long pause. He never expected such a thought. He didn’t know how to reply either. He bit the inside of his cheek, glancing sideways as he tried to force something out, knowing that she would have already suspected something from the long silence he gave. “If I’m being honest, the other calls were boring. Calls that have only been made once. You’re the only person who called back.” Truthfully, he had many other answers, but he all got blocked out when he narrowed his eyes down at her back.
“So me stressing over my life is much more interesting than the rest? I’ll take that as a compliment.” Jisung let out a soft chuckle, taking note to keep his voice low so he wouldn’t get caught. “Sure. Mm if you would escape to anywhere, where would you go?” She hummed in reply, most probably thinking long and hard. “I would...” She trailed, but it was followed by another longer pause. “Actually, I read about a Japanese term before. It’s ukiyo, the floating world.”
Jisung nodded his head, taking it in. “It when someone being detached from the bothers of life.” She sighed loudly through the phone, but Jisung could hear it clearly from the bookshelves. “I wish I could experience that floating world.” Her words grew into a whisper till it became inaudible at the end. Jisung saw her tilting her head down lower to the table, eventually using her forearm as a rest for her head. “Oh I have an idea.” Jisung replied quickly. “What if I become your so-called Peter Pan? Like, I can take you to Neverland for as long as you need. And that Neverland is just for you. It can be anything you want it to be.” Jisung suggested.
She laughed through the phone, a soft laugh that made Jisung’s already wavered heart skip another beat. “I’d love that.” Suddenly, she pushed her chair back, rising up from her seat. Jisung’s heart began to race, swiftly and silently turning his body to the back of the bookshelf. She was walking to the bookshelves a few rows down where he was at. He pressed himself up against the books in anxiety. “And what if I give you the free will to make Neverland? How would you want it to be? Because I know nothing about having a break.” Jisung heard her footsteps, one foot down followed by a few seconds of silence before placing down the next. It was slow and throwing Jisung off guard, thinking about what he’d do once she began to step close.
“I have two options. I’d either fill it with the things you love, or fill it with things I love and have you explore.” Jisung slid over to the nexy bookshelf ahead in fear, now keeping his voice lower than how it initially was. “I’d rather choose the latter. What do you like doing?” Jisung stared down at the floor. “Dancing, obviously. I like to hang out with my friends. Going out to the pet store just to look at hamsters.” Jisung and her giggled softly after hearing him say the last line.
“Hamsters? That’s cute.” Jisung took awhile to process the next part. He suddenly saw a pair of feet, inches away from his. He instantly shot his head up, seeing her standing in front of him. He tilted his head down a few degrees, realising that she was a lot shorter than him and needed to level the eye contact. For some reason, Jisung’s ribcage began to clench, suffocating his lungs and not letting a single grasp of air into his system as he looked at her. She wasn’t breathing either. The pin drop silence fill the small gap of air between them.
I brought my phone down from my ear, letting my hand fall to my side and my phone loosely hand by my fingers that wrapped around it. I glanced down for a moment before looking back up to him, he was extremely tall. “Wait you’re...” I tried to recall my memory while I took a close look at him, specifically his physique and body structure. It looked exactly like the one that caught my eye back at the practice room. “Were you the one dancing?” I questioned, not sure how to phrase it.
He tilted his head to the side and slowly nodded his head. “Um I’m always dancing?” He replied back with another question. But his head slowly tilted back straight, as if something had dawned on him. “You! Were you the one that came in the practice room that other day?!” He shouted, leaned back in shock as he covered his mouth that immediately gaped open at the realisation. I blinked my eyes rapidly and nodded my head. “Adidas jacket guy. It’s you.” I almost copied his posture entirely as I remembered.
The blonde hair, the thin yet lean body. It all matched. It was him. The cap didn’t give me a clear view before. But now, his face was right in front of me. And he was attractive. He had that baby face. All features of him were stunning and fit perfectly into his small face. He even had the looks to be an idol even, especially with those dance skills. “I’m Jisung. Park Jisung.” He finally introduced himself. In all honesty, I didn’t picture him to look like this while we chatted, his voice was low, and didn’t exactly suit the kind of build he had. “_____.” He hummed in response.
“This is...” Jisung broke his eye contact with me, bringing a hand up to rub the back of his neck while he breathed out a chuckle. “An unexpected way to meet. How’d you even find me?” I flashed a devious smile. “You weren’t hard to notice. I could hear shuffling right behind me then I heard your voice.” I shook my head. “What were you doing here though?” Jisung stammered, struggling to even form a sentence of reply. He looked like he was hiding the shakiness under his skin. “I thought I could find you by waiting here in the library.”
I squinted my eyes at his answer. So was he trying to find me all this time while I tried to do the same? “You actually waited here for hours?!” I couldn’t help but raise my voice a notch, too shocked when he downshifted his head. Why would he go through such lengths? Did he not think about the factors? Like how I would’ve not even come here in the first place? Or that I’d walk out and he’ll miss his chance? I had all those questions wrapped around my mind, but as much as I wanted to ask, all I could let out was, “So, Peter Pan.” I stated out loud, resuming the conversation we had on the phone.
Jisung smiled. It was a friendly smile. A warm one that embraced the space around them in the coldness of the dark. It also made him look a hundred times more attractive, with his eye smile that looked as if the world got brighter, and with his teeth showing. He kind of resembled a hamster, oddly enough. “Looks like I’m your Peter Pan now.” Jisung clasped his hands behind his back. “And my first order of business is getting you out of whatever hell hole you’re suffering from. And I don’t care what work you have to do. I’m not going to make you do it.” Jisung shook his head furiously, his bright orange-blonde hair swooshing as he did so, making it clear to me that it was extremely as light and fluffy as it looked to be.
“I’ll clear up my day. I have no lessons tomorrow so I’d usually study-” Jisung brought a finger up in front of my face, articulating it from left to right which a frown. “Nope. None of that. Being serious when I say you need a break. I feel like you have mental breakdowns like the one when you first called like once every week.” Jisung said, a soft hint of whining shining through his tone. “Wait do you?”
I bore my eyes into his, face feigned expressionless. “I mean, I had two mental breakdowns so far. That’s not bad, considering how many times I force myself not to.” I folded my arms, taking a step back to place my weight on one leg as I stood nonchalantly. “Yeah. But you still aren’t living your best life.” Jisung bent forward and smiled innocently, with eyes that looked into my soul and read my heart and mind.
“Pack up. You’re not studying anymore. Sleep. And I’ll meet you tomorrow at 2. Wake up at your own time. Don’t force your body into getting out of bed. Hear me?” Jisung began walking away, and I quickly followed, though I was struggling to keep up due to him taking big steps with his long legs. “Fine.” Was all I said, as we made our way to take our stuff from our separate places. We met back at the entrance, Jisung opening the door for me as I downshifted my head in thanks and went out.
“I watched you dance. It was incredible.” I suddenly let out, thinking about what else I could say about it. “It gave me a feeling that I can never pen down in words.” Jisung ruffled his hair and shook his head, adjusting his hair that looked messy. “Really? That’s nice to hear. But I know I can do better. I’m not the best.” When we stepped out of the library, I felt the cold breeze brushing my skin, too cold till I accidentally let out a shiver. “You seemed to be the best one there. I mean, the one that stood out to me the most.” Jisung raised both his brows, as if surprised such a comment came from someone. “Well I’m glad I was able to touch your heart.”
Moments of silence breezed through us like the cold air as we walked down the pathway. I didn’t know where Jisung’s dorm was, but it certainly wouldn’t be at my building. Was he walking actually wanting to walk me back? Either way, the silence wasn’t awkward. Jisung kept humming and nodding his head to the beat playing in his head, shoulders bobbing and making small movements. All I wanted to do was watch and smile. It made my stomach twist a knot, sending butterflies fluttering along while doing so. He would occasionally make eye contact and let out a cute giggle.
“Wait where even is your dorm?” I questioned. Jisung froze for a moment before quickly bringing his focus back on me to answer. “A few blocks down yours.” He simply said, bringing his index finger up to point in front. It was only now that I realised we were already at the entrance of my dorm building. “No wonder I’ve never seen you on campus before.” I muttered, nodding my head. Jisung adjusted the straps of his bag on his shoulders. “I’m not popular. Not like my friends. But at least my major mates know me.” I chuckle and blinked. “Of course they do. You’re talented.” I sighed and looked up to the sky, which was plainly a blank canvas with stars that could only be seen if you squint hard enough.
“I wish I had something to be proud of.” I whispered under my breath. Before Jisung could even say something back, I brought my eyes down from the sky and shook my head. His mouth was already opened and ready to speak, but he didn’t. “So I’ll see you tomorrow? Is there anything I should prepare myself for?” Jisung shrugged with a soft smile. “Nothing. We’ll just do the first thing that pops in my mind. I’m the type to be impromptu.” I hummed, saying goodnight to him one last time before going into the building, not looking back. Yet I felt his eyes glued to me, which only made me self conscious till I was completely out of sight.
One thing’s for sure, I already knew something that was different about us. I didn’t even meet him for long, but I could already tell Jisung was so laid back, relaxed, moving with his day like a breeze, no worries for the world whatsoever. He liked being impromptu, while I always had my days scheduled so meticulously. He seemed to be the complete opposite of me, yet he was still able to have order in his life. Curiosity spurred in me. I was having that urge to know him more, how he was able to live like that, how Jisung, was Jisung.
Tumblr media
Funny enough, Jisung didn’t tell me about where to meet. Which was why I chose to seat the bench right outside my dorm building. I didn’t know how long I was waiting. I did follow his advice. I woke up quite late and stayed in bed watching Netflix shows. I took my time to get ready. And I actually went down a little over 2. I had my earphones plugged in, scrolling through Twitter since I had nothing else better to do on my phone. I didn’t have any games on it, or much of any form of entertainment. I never had time for those either.
Out of the blue, I heard something that resembled a buzz of some sort right beside my right ear. I instantly turned my head to it, leaning back and almost falling off the bench as I sent my bottom to the edge, shocked at seeing a drone flying right beside me. It wasn’t just an ordinary drone. It flew closer to me, and I squinted my eyes for closer inspection. There was a camera. It made me jump off the bench and taking steps back. And with each time, the drone flew closer to my face.
“Hey calm down!” I heard for a distance. My eyes adverted to the voice, seeing a small sized Jisung standing far from me. He tiptoed and waved his hand high, the other hand holding the controller of the drone. I could only laugh nervously as he ran up to me. “Good afternoon to you.” Jisung greeted cheerfully with a bright smile. I gulped and forced a casual smile, though I was still weirded out by the drone that was now circling in front of us. “You like me drone? My friend made it actually.” Jisung giggled.
I pursed my lips. “You chose to greet me with that?” I pointed my finger out with skepticism in my tone. “I’m sure you noticed the camera.” Jisung reached out for the drone, and held it in his hands. How can his hands hold something that big with so much ease? Or maybe the drone was small and his hand made it look big. “I was thinking we could record your day. If you were to actually have fun, you’ll have it on tape so you can watch back and remember the fun when you’re going through stressing times.” While Jisung was explaining, I couldn’t help but notice how brightly he was smiling. It was like the one he flashed at the library that night, but this time it was two folds of it, making the effect of butterflies in my stomach fluttering two fold as well.
“You really thought deep...” I whispered, leaning in to examine the drone while he moved it around for me to look at it from different angles. “It’s not so deep. I thought it only made sense for us to record a day like this. It’ll be fun, trust me.” I could only chuckle and stare down at my feet for a moment before looking back to meet his eyes and asking, “So, Peter Pan, where’s our first stop?” Jisung took out his phone and scrolled through it, I took a peek and realised he was on his notes. It had a list and it was labeled “TODO LIST FOR D-DAY” I giggled softly. “You’re making such a big deal out of today. I’m shocked.”
Jisung chuckled and ran a hand through his hair after placing the drone down on the floor. “Mm I like doing things like this. You know like, doing things out of the ordinary. This is certainly one of the time.” I furrowed my eyes at him while he had his on his phone. He probably felt my eyes searing into him, making him lift his eyes up and staring cluelessly. “So I’m out of the ordinary?” I questioned, tilting my head and feigned intimidation.
“What? No, no! I meant the fact that there’s someone who I need to plan a day out for. This kind of things don’t happen everyday.” Jisung leaned back and lifted up both his hands in defence, only making me laugh loudly and shaking my head. “Calm down. I was just teasing. I’m much for weird than I look.” Jisung raised both in eyebrows and jerked his head down to my phone. I blinked my eyes rapidly at his action. “I can already tell. Who has their timetable as their wallpaper?” Jisung faked a gag, which only made me frown as I glanced at my phone. “Nothing’s wrong with that!” I retorted, huffing and walking forward. I barely took a step before Jisung pulled me back.
“Peter Pan hasn’t even tell you the location, dummy.” He flicked my forehead with his finger, making me grimace. “Oh you dare to do that?!” I gaped my mouth open and scoffed in amusement, glancing sideways before retrieving my eyes back to Jisung. “I’m getting back at you!” I growled. “Till you do something that deserves the need to do it.” My voice grew softer with each word and my shoulders bobbed up while my expression turned into an embarrassed one. Jisung laughed out loud, he seemed to be enjoying himself, leaning back and holding his stomach from all the laughter he did for a full moment.
“Till I deserve it? Why are you so uptight?! Come. I’ll let you do it.” Jisung leaned forward, face meeting my level as he closed his eyes and a child-like smile played on his lips. I stared at him for a long moment. And when he didn’t feel any impact, he opened one eye in question. “Come on.” He urged, motioning his hand to his forehead. I chuckled at this, my hand being brought up like it had a mind of its own and flicked Jisung’s forehead with much force. He grimaced, but covered his pain with a sincere laugh the second after. “There aren’t any rules. Do what you want to me, okay? See, I can be your punching bag if you need me to.”
I gave Jisung a disinterested look. “Mm sure. Enough chatting just take me wherever already.” Jisung laughed at my impatience, sliding his phone into hus back pocket and getting himself ready to fly the drone. It flew up and almost went to my face. Luckily my quick reflexes allowed me to avoid it quickly, resulting in Jisung hissing and mumbling, “Sorry.” under his breath. He began to walk forward with me followed closely behind him as he played with the drone and letting it hover around as it recorded us from above.
We were walking quite a distance. I didn’t expect it to be this far. The sound the drone kept making was already imbedded into my memory. We were walking down a street I was completely unfamiliar with and the sun shining brightly above us wasn’t helping at all, only with occasional times when the clouds covered the sun for mere moments before it became blazing hot again. “Where are we even going?” I questioned, taking a look around my surroundings. Jisung finally let the drone come down from the air. He picked it up and motioned his hand with the drone to the building right in front of us. I furrowed my eyebrows as I looked up to the building.
“I thought about us enjoying the simple things in life. I didn’t want to take you to any fancy or high end places because well, I have no money for one. But it’s also because if you’re going to do this again, I’d want it to be something affordable. A place you can go to anywhere, anytime.” Jisung shrugged while he explained the reason of choosing this place which I still have yet to know its purpose since I saw no sign that gave me a single clue. “That’s deep.” I simply said. Jisung pursed his lips and nodded his head. “That was unintentionally deep.”
Jisung fiddled with the drone to turn it off and passed it to me for me to hold as he opened the door and gave me way. I downshifted my head and went inside. I looked around. It seemed to be a lobby. There was a small counter at the corner and in front was a deep hallway filled with doors left and right. What was this place? I felt Jisung’s presence behind me as he went to the counter. With a smile, the woman behind gave him a key. He went forward in front of me and tossed the key in the air for it to drop to the floor. I raised a brow at his action. I assumed he tried to expertly catch the keys again but failed to do so. I wanted to face but I kept my neutral expression. Jisung picked it up quickly and turned to flash a soft smile before proceeding to walk. I again followed behind.
While I walked down the hallway, I could hear different music coming from each door. Some rooms were silent while other were blasting music so loud yet muffled due to the door blocking out the music. There weren’t any windows on the door that I could peek into to see what was inside, which only made me more skeptical as I tried figuring out what this place was. Jisung abruptly stopped in front of one door, which was at the very end of the hallway. I almost bumped into him but stopped myself by placing a hand near his shoulder where I would’ve bump into.
Jisung slid the key into the keyhole and fiddled around for a moment for the key twisted and the door opened. Once again he made way for me to head in first. A gentleman, that was another thing about Jisung I took note of. I walked into a pit of darkness till I heard Jisung flip a switch and the lights turned on. I gaped my mouth open in awe and nodded my head slowly as I took unsure steps in. “Is this like...” I tried to form my sentence but I was mesmerised by the blank space of the wooden plank floor and the wall sized mirror that stretched from one end to the other entirely. “Your own dance studio?”
Jisung smiled softly and hummed, standing beside me while we both looked at ourselves in the mirror. “Wait. You aren’t actually telling me to...” I very slowly turned my head up to look at him, realising he already had his eyes on me before I even made eye contact. I brought my index finger up and swirled it around beside me to motion to the the dance studio. “Dance, right?” Jisung didn’t reply, only forming a sly smile for a split second before walking to the side while scrolling through his phone. Music began to play through the speakers from the top corners of the room. He placed his phone down and began moving his body to the beat while making his way back to me.
“That’s exactly what I’m doing.” Jisung smiled brightly and giggled, proceeding to close his eyes and continue grooving to the music being played. It was upbeat and relaxing, not like the ones played at clubs. It was chill and something anyone could move to. Except, I couldn’t. With arms folded and wrapped around my chest, I stared at him with a tilted head. Probably feeling my eyes on him, he fluttered his eyes open and looked at me with an innocent look. “Try dancing!” Jisung shouted, blinking his eyelids rapidly. I only narrowed my eyes in response. Jisung groaned and suddenly brought his hands out to hold my wrist, eventually holding my hands in his.
“You said we can do what I like. And I like dancing. It relieves my stress. I’m sure it’ll have the same effect on you if you actually try.” Jisung begged. He slowly brought my hands up, moving side to side, urging me to follow my lead. I was skeptical. This was never my thing. My body was as stiff as stone when I tried following Jisung. I didn’t know how he was simply so natural and fluid. He wasn’t trying hard at all, unlike me. “Hey.” Jisung suddenly whispered, leaning forward so his face was just mere inches away from mine. My breathing hitched in my throat. “You’re trying too hard. Loosen up. Feel the music.” Jisung’s advise was soothing, whispers that went in my ears and could stay in my mind for ages as he looked into my eyes and searched for the specks of uncertainty that he so desperately want to get rid of.
I closed my eyes and relaxed my shoulders. With Jisung’s large hands still with mine, Jisung slowly and naturally pulled me closer to him. I composed myself and tried to keep my cool as much as possible, putting my mind at peace and solely focusing on the music. Jisung hummed and tried to move me again. This time, I was slowly able to let my body loose, getting the beat of the song into my head and slowly bobbing my head to it. I couldn’t help but smile as I began to move however I want, being free. “You’re doing it!” Jisung shouted happily, letting go of my hands and allowing our bodies to dance.
I wasn’t looking at the mirror this whole time. But when I did, I grimaced in disgust, leaning back and sticking out my tongue. “Jeez I look so ugly dancing.” I sighed with a frown. Jisung laughed loudly and nodded. “Indeed. But that’s the whole point. No one’s here to judge you. I can be weird with you, if that’s what you want.” Jisung clasped his hands behind him and leaned forward again, flashing his cheeky smile. I scoffed. “Please, how can a great dancer like you dance weirdly? I mean look at you. Everything you do is flawless.” I huffed out, folding my arms.
Another song began to play. This time it was a slow one. Nothing sad or emotional, it felt like a song that was meant to bring yourself back down to earth. “I wasn’t even good last time. It took a lot of effort to get to where I am today.” Jisunv explained carefully, weary so that he wouldn’t sound like he was beinf boastful. Jisung suddenly looked up to the ceiling thoughtfully and after a moment he opened his mouth like a light bulb of thought above his head switched itself on.
Jisung immediately ran to the door, flicking the switch and turning the lights off. It was dark, but some light was still able to shine through from the cracks of the door, making me see Jisung’s figure, but not the details of his face only if I looked close enough. He went back to me and said, “There. With the lights closed, you can do whatever and I won’t see it clearly.” Jisung shrugged triumphantly. I chuckled and nodded my head in agreement.
After that, multiple songs continued to play. His playlist was probably on shuffle mode but they were all songs I could dance to. I could see Jisung and I moving in the mirror. Again, not obvious, but still seen. Out of nowhere, Jisung pulled me in by grabbed my wrist lightly. He pulled me hard till my chest bumped into his. “Sorry.” He whispered, chuckling awkwardly. Jisung was clumsy, yet cute i. his own way. Another feature of his I began to take note of. It took me awhile to realise how close we were. He could probably feel my breath on his skin at this moment.
I looked up from his chest, meeting his eyes. Suddenly, my surroundings blanked. The music drowned out into nothing and the darkness of the room got even darker. And at the same time, Jisung’s face began to be the only thing that was clear to me. I did notice how attractive he was. But this situation was only making it ten times harder for me to handle to emotions that suddenly spurred inside me. My heart was beating fast and my cheat began to clench tightly, giving me no air to breath in as I stood there breathless for a long moment. Jisung didn’t move either, his eyes wandering my face as if looking at every inch.
It was at this moment that got me to think that indeed, I was stress-free. I wasn’t thinking about the pile of books I had to read and analyse. I wasn’t thinking about what was due next week and what my schedule was. All I had my focus on was Jisung and I. The freedom and lightness I was feeling. It was something I never felt for so long. It’s as if I barely knew such a feeling existed. And all it took was doing something that I wasn’t even good at. Doing it with Jisung. It would be too early to say this, but he could very well be the first person that made me feel this way in my whole college life.
“That wasn’t so bad, right?” Jisung beamed at me as we made our way back to the counter to return the keys. I breathed out a light chuckle and sighed in satisfaction. “Mhm. It was actually... very fun.” I puckered my lips. Jisung went to the counter and leaned forward after placing the key down for the woman to take. He whispered something to her and she nodded her head. She went to the back and Jisung turned around to meet my eyes. “Got a little present for you.” The woman came back with the same key, or perhaps a replica of it. Jisung downshifted his head in thanks and handed me the key. I took it wearily.
I glanced down at it and trailed my eyes back to Jisung. “Why would you give me the key?” I questioned. Jisung took a step in and had his eyes on the key in my hand. He brought his hand up and closed the key in my palm. “I’m giving you access to my most private space ever. That’s because I want you to feel the same way I do whenever I’m in there. Carefree. Effortless. You can go in whenever you want, whenever you need. I don’t have to be there with you all the time. You don’t even have to dance. Just let the atmosphere of the studio calm you. Basically, do whatever. I just want you to be free.”
With each word his voice got heavier with meaning and sincerity imbued, and my heart grew lighter with each breath.
Tumblr media
Days go by, and though I didn’t meet Jisung again, he’d occasionally call me late at night to check up on me. And every time I said I was doing work, he’d let out an exaggerated groan and force me to sleep. He sounded like those mothers that keep nagging at you. And with his talkative nature, Jisung and I could go rambling for hours on the phone till one of us sleeps. It’ll mostly be me since I could already drif off to dream land the moment my body hits the bed.
Today, I was feeling trapped in my dorm room. Something in me was feeling the urge for an escape as the walls caved in with every hour passing by. My brain was beginning to slow its gears and I wasn’t able to boost my motivation back up. I glanced to my phone where it showed the time blaring onto my face. “It’s only a ten minute walk.” With a shrug, I dumped everything I wanted to get done by tonight and headed out the door, not giving a single care to look neat and going out in my sweater and sweatpants.
I went into the building, it was dark with only the moonlight from outshine shining in through the glass entrance. I made my way to the dance studio, key in my hand that I already shoved into the pockets of my sweater on my way here due to the cold of the night. I unlocked the door and entered. I didn’t bother turning on the lights. Instead I switched on the small lamplight that Jisung told me he placed there in case I needed it. I silently thank Jisung in my mind as I began to unpack my things.
I took one look around the studio. It was spacious, the plank floors leaving the space wide open just for me. Though I came here to do work, my mind was slowly trailing off to Jisung. His figure slowly appeared, picturing him in my mind as I let his shadows dance in the dark. It was his dance that caught my eye and it was his personality that was making me crave to know him more. I was mesmerised, enchanted by every move he made. Every word he spoke, every clumsy gesture. It was all those things clumped into one that was sucking me in.
I startled out of my thoughts with a quick shake of my head and got to work. Quite a long time had passed by. Jisung was right. The atmosphere of the studio, silent, peaceful, nothing to disturb my serenity. For some reason, I didn’t think twice when I grabbed my phone to call Jisung at this timing. Before I could even press on his contact number, my eyes flickered to the time. 2:30AM. For one moment I thought he’d be asleep. But with remembering about his call service, I knew he’d still be up. My hopes filled me up with I called and placed the phone on speaker phone, placing my phone back down beside me while I continued to write.
Jisung picked up in a matter of seconds. “Hey! How are you?” I smiled softly. No matter the time and place, he never failed to sound cheerful and bursting with energy. It felt as if he was being like that just for me. “Nothing. Just work.” Should not have said that. “What?! It’s two in the damn morning? How are you even- no more studying. Makes me puke every time I hear that.” Jisung feigned a gag and I laughed loudly in response to his disgusted reaction. “I’m almost done, alright? I’m actually at the music room. It’s quite nice being here.” Jisung hummed and I leaned back, placing my hands behind me. “Oh you’re there? Want me to join you?” Jisung’s voice suddenly grew excited. The sudden burst of energy shocked me. How was he able to be so energetic in the dead morning?
“You don’t have to! I was just about to go anyways.” I squinted my eyes and formed a quizzical look on my face. Why did I even say that? I wasn’t even about to leave. “I don’t have classes tomorrow so I can stay up. I know you don’t have any either.” I raised an eyebrow, my eyes going to the screen as I saw Jisung’s name still flashing at me. “What are you even suggesting?” I questioned with a confused tone. Jisung smacked his lips. “Mm to have a night out with you? We didn’t go out for so long.” Jisung cried out. I gaped my mouth open ever so slightly and tilted my head a few degrees at his suggestion.
I leaned forward to my phone, my voice lowering itself to a whisper. “You... actually want that?” I blinked my eyes rapidly, waiting for his answer. Jisung breathed in once and said, “I just said that, didn’t I?” I frowned. “But I want you to rest and-”
“Already out the door!” Jisung ended the call. I sighed. But a smile cracked on my lips at the thought of him coming here.
“What is all this mess?” Jisung complained in disgust. Face scrunched up and nose crinkled at the sight of my books and papers while he helped me to slide it back into my tote bag. He grabbed a stack and placed it on his thigh. Flipping through. I could only see cluelessness in his eyes. “Jeez. This is so not to my liking. Or understanding.” Jisung shrugged and shoved it into the bag, making it the last stack.
Jisung stood up and carried it on his shoulder, instantly crying out as he leaned over to the side where he hung the bag, the weight of it pulling him down. “How do you carry these all day?!” Jisung shouted with utmost shock. I simply shrugged and made my way for the door. “You’d be surprised at how much my shoulder hurts every week.” I said nonchalantly due to the fact it was truly something I’ve gotten used to. I glanced over my shoulder, seeing Jisung bringing himself back up and trying to get used to the weight while walking to me. I opened the door and with a kind smile, moved my body aside to give way for him to exit, which he gladly thanked for with a whisper.
“Anyways, there’s a twenty four hour ice cream shop that just opened nearby. Are you in for a treat?” Jisung questioned, looking down at me. I turned my gaze from the floor and to him, glancing sideways for a quick thought before nodding. “Sure.” I simply replied. I could only follow Jisung, once again not knowing where he wanted to take me. I was familiar with the neighbourhood around campus of course. But I’ve been staying at the campus for so long that I never got the chance to find out what was new about it. Such as a new ice cream shop I never knew existed till now.
The walk there was comfortable silence. I took this time to look at Jisung’s outfit. He was wearing his signature black adidas jacket, track pants and a black cap. It felt like it was something unique only to him. A person I could identify instantly with what he wears. I like Jisung in it. It was a lazy look but he somehow managed to pull it off, naturally good looking. My focus trailed down to what I was wearing, and I couldn’t help but think about just how bad I looked at this time of the night.
Jisung once again abruptly stopped. I was able to dodge him this time and stand beside him. He looked inside the shop while I had my eyes on the sign that said they were open. “They actually do open twenty four seven.” I muttered, instantly realising that Jisung had already entered the shop when I heard the sound of the bells above the door ringing, the door swinging open. I quickly caught up to the door, making it just in time before it closed fully and entered.
I stood beside Jisung, the two of us scanning through the menu above the counter. “Is this your first time here?” I asked. Jisung bobbed his shoulders. “It is. You?” I shook my head. “I didn’t have time to be going out and trying out food that the neighbourhood has to offer. I stick to the food on campus most of the time.” Jisung scoffed softly and turned to me. “Which is practically convenience store food. How boring of you.” My jaw dropped and I breathed out an unbelievable chuckle, punching his shoulder gently. “And how rude of you to say that.” I feigned exasperation and looked up to the menu again after the two of us laughed softly.
I was the first to walk up to the counter, Jisung quickly following behind as I felt his presence being awfully close to my back. “Can I get three scoops of chocolate chip cookie?” The woman at the cashier nodded and turned her attention from me to Jisung. “You?” She questioned. I turned my head to him as well. Jisung squinted his eyes while he looked up to the menu again. He stuttered for a moment before responding. “I’ll just get two scoops of strawberry swirl.” The woman cracked a small smile, almost invisible as she keyed in our order. She told the price and looked at the two of us, waiting for the cash. When Jisung didn’t respond, I quickly took out my wallet. I glanced at hi for a brief moment, noticing that he was looking at me and didn’t hear the cashier. But before I could even slide out my dollar note, Jisung slammed my hand down lightly and took out his money in one swift motion.
“Thanks.” I softly whispered as the two of us walked to the side t wait for our ice cream. I folded my arms and placed my weight on one leg. Jisung sighed loudly, assumingly to break the silence between us. “Three scoops? That’s a lot.” Jisung mentioned. I frowned and waved a lazy hand at him. “Calm down I’ll pay for the three scoops. I’m just craving for it.” I breathed out, now feeling slightly bad that I spent a lot of Jisung’s money since the price was quite expensive. Jisung looked down on me, quirking up a questioning brow. “I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just saying it’s a lot. You don’t need to pay me.” Jisung quickly retorted with assurance imbued into his tone.
My mouth formed an ‘O’ at the realisation and slowly nodded my head. “We can’t be eating here, right? So where are we going to go?” Jisung ruffled his hair, adjusting the strands that laid naturally and nicely down his forehead. I was still able to see his eyes despite having it covered by the layer of hair. “Our spot.” I blinked my eyes rapidly. “Our spot?” I echoed back, completely clueless. 
Jisung flashed me a disappointed expression along with a sigh. “The studio. That, or we can just eat at the park nearby. Oh and don’t expect me to protect you if we get kidnapped. I won’t be strong enough to protect you.” I laughed at the joke, Jisung chuckling along with me. “You dance with such energy and you’re telling me you can’t beat a kidnapper?” I scoffed loudly in amusement. “You’re quite something.” I added on. Jisung looked down, somewhat in a shy manner and smiled before lifting his head back up. “I really am.” 
-Just how much was I missing out on
We walked out, ice cream in hand. Jisung seemed to be texting someone with his free hand while I simply looked down on my ice cream and be the first to dig in. The bite felt like a trip down memory lane. How was it that I didn’t enjoy simple things like ice cream during college? Don’t get me wrong I do still eat ice cream, but I never experienced one that tasted authentic, way better than the ones sold in convenience stores. “You seem to be enjoying it.” Jisung suddenly let out, making me head shot up to him and then to my ice cream, which I already noticed that I took more than just one bite already. 
Jisung slid his phone into his track pants and got to eating. His jaw dropped and his mouth hung open so wide that it could reach the floor. With the ice cream nestled on the surface of his tongue, he gasped loudly and looked to me instantly. “This is so good!” Jisung squealed with much happiness and excitement, taking another bite instantly and moaning in satisfaction. The two fo us ate in silence as we walked, allowing ourselves to sink into the ice cream’s captivating flavours like a bath. 
We entered the park. It was dimly lit, with only the lamps that lined the pathways and lighting the place with an orange hue. Jisung took quick steps forward to sit on the nearest bench. I sat down beside him, a small smile forming on my lips. All that we could see were the lights and trees that had its leaves and branches swaying in the gentle breeze. Jisung had his full attention on his ice cream, ow seeming to be taking small bites to preserve the ice cream and take a longer time to finish it. 
“One question. How long have you not come to this park? Or have you never?” Jisung’s question got my mind blank. I thought about it for quite some time, till Jisung had to hum to see if he even got my attention. “The only time I’ve been here was two years ago. For helping out at an event as a job.” Jisung moved his lips to one side. “Question two. Was majoring in law what you wanted to do?” I already knew this conversation was about to get deep. And at that moment, if I’m being really honest, I’m glad Jisung’s the one I’m having this conversation with.
“Yeah. At first I thought lawyers looked cool in those Korean dramas. My only goal at that time was to do any major that I seemed to be interested in and one that could get me rich. Those were my only two requirements that satisfied me. I was always hardworking but I never knew my work could get this overloaded. I wasn’t ready for it.” I took in a deep breath to compose myself, realising how real I was getting about myself. “I only started having breakdowns at the end of last year. Never bothered to take a break due to constant anxiety on how much I could miss out on. All because I want that simple goal of doing well in college for a job that’ll give me good pay. I didn’t even think about what I’d do with the money. I never bothered to expand my goal beyond that. And I think that makes me very low, and shallow minded.” 
I slowly tited my head up, wanting the cool air to cool my face. The sky was nothing but plain ink black darkness with only the small moon shining it’s moonlight on us. I closed my eyes, not really caring if Jisung responded to anything I just said. Letting it out for him to hear was all I wanted, all that I need. I kept my breathing steady and collected, the simple calmness of the quiet surrounding putting my mind at ease. “But have you ever thought that you don’t need to keep up with whatever’s around you?” Jisung whispered. I fluttered my eyelids open and brought my eyes down to meet his. We locked eyes, and Jisung reached out in front of me to grab my now empty cup, making my breath hitched in my throat. He always made me stop breathing whenever he got close. What was he, death?
“What do you mean?” Jisung puckered his lips, seeming to be deep in thought before replying. “I get that you want to do well. But you don’t always have to go at the speed this world’s at. It’s not always in the hustle.” Jisung whispered carefully. His eyes never met mine. And with each word and every one that was going to come after, could drive it’s words deep into my heart and soul, like he was seeing right through me. “Look around you. This place, the studio. You would’ve never discovered them if you were so focused. Slow down to see the prettier things in life. Isn’t that what they always say?” HIs words were definitely meant to bring an impact. And it did. My heart sank, not in a bad way. But simply because the realisation and reality was weighting my heart down. 
“Technically, you introduced me to the studio and park.” Jisung brought his hand out, as if putting his words on it and placing it in front of me. “Exactly. You wouldn’t even get to know me if you never took time to look at your surroundings and finding my note.” I licked my bottom lip that was extremely dry. My eyes absentmindedly went down to his lips, that still looked unbelievably smooth despite the dryness of the air. “I told you, didn’t I? I can be here for you. Whatever you need. So don’t always think college is everything. I mean, look at me.” I chuckled. 
But Jisung was right. I did took time to look at him as a person. He was doing something that wasn’t just interest, but what he loved and had passion for. He’s able to do well and not have to stress over things too much and too often. Jisung was able to carry himself how he wants to and be satisfied with life when I would be satisfied with mine long years down the road. He was the physical representation of ukiyo. The floating world that didn’t bother about the worries of life, and living it his own way, no matter what could appen to him. He was a ukiyo standalone. 
“Slow down to see the prettier things the life.”
Jisung might just be that prettier thing.
Tumblr media
Jisung and I got close, real quick. It wasn’t a surprise. I already knew I’d want to meet him more often, wanting him to be my escape from the whirlpool of life. He was always a breath of fresh air, a sight for sore eyes. He never failed to make the time I spent with him meaningful to the last second. I quickly grew to realise that I needed to meet him on a regular basis. I needed to take my mind off work, and he was the only one who could do it for me.
I was just finishing lecture, carrying the heavy pounds of books in my hand with much struggle. I was trying to juggle my book on my forearm while the other tried to find for my phone in my pocket to text Jisung, saying I wanted him to come over to accompany me. With a quiet grunt I tried to type with one hand, which to me was an extreme struggle. Just when I decided to stop walking to get myself gathered together, I looked up from my phone, suddenly seeing a group of guys walking just past me.
Murmurs and whispers from different angles could be heard from far away, I raised my brow, watching their backs. One that caught my eye was the adidas jacket. I knew instantly from his figure and bright orange natural looking hair that it was Jisung. I instantly ran up to him, shoving my phone into my bag to just I could have a free hand to tap on his shoulder. “Jisung!” I screamed happily, after giving him a tap I placed a firm grip on his shoulder to stop him. The other guys surrounding him turned around, noticing how Jisung abruptly stopped.
“Who’s she?” One of them asked, his voice sounding arrogant and cocky from the get-go. Jisung gulped and looked left and right, glancing over his shoulder. He suddenly seemed anxious. Jisung blinked his eyes rapidly, sucking in his lips while he rubbed a nervous hand at the back of his neck. “I-I don’t know.” Jisung quickly replied. He stared at me for a moment, eyes cold and would probably feel like ice if I were to maintain it any longer. Jisung shoved away the hand I had on his shoulder roughly, only making me scoff loudly. “What the heck? Jisung you good?” I was about to reach my hand to punch him lightly on the shoulder, thinking that the way he’s acting was just a joke, but with him having quick reflexes, he got a firm grip on my wrist in a matter of seconds.
“Look. I don’t know you. Why are you treating me like you’re my friend?” Jisung’s words were meant to slice. And it worked. I was in disbelief, the large wave crashing over me and wiping me out and the words rolled hard on his tongue. Jisung slammed my wrist down, my whole arm swinging backward slightly from the strong impact before it fell down my side. I looked to my hand and trailed my gaze back to Jisung. I stiffened, trying not to shiver under his gaze. What was going on with him? Another friend of his placed a hand on his shoulder and jerked his head forward. Jisung pushed me off with his cold gaze one more time and turned around sharply to walk away. I gaped, eyes widened as the other looked to each with unsure faces and disappeared along with Jisung.
I stumbled a few steps back from Jisung’s impact. The impact in his words, actions. Why was he like that? He said he didn’t know me. I took a moment to head over to a nearby bench to place my books down and have a break, but it was mostly to think over about why Jisung suddenly acted different. He never seemed like that before. He looked... cold and unapproachable. That look in his eyes when he made eye contact with me, it felt as if he never knew me at all. What was with that sudden shield?
Later that day, I tried to text Jisung. Give him a call, sending multiple texts. He wasn’t responding to any of it. He used to always be free 24/7. Why was he suddenly not online, especially after what had just happened. I wanted to know why. This was the first time he ever acted like that towards me. And it was too odd. We would never meet too often. But without him texting me at least once a day, you could say I was falling apart again when he began to not get into contact with me for a whole week after the incident.
I tried to find him again. Seeing him on campus whenever, I tried to approach him. This time I walked up to him quickly and had a firm grip on his wrist. “Jisung? What’s wrong with you the other day? You acted as if you didn’t even know me.” I said with a nervous chuckle, wanting to seem like it didn’t bother but failed tremendously. Jisung looked at me blankly, expressionless. Like nothing went through his mind with that I said. Or even looking at me. Jisung bit his lower lip, glancing sideways as if he didn’t want to give a single care about my presence.
He slid my grip off his wrist. “I shouldn’t be talking to you.” Jisung said in a monotonous manner. He glanced to his left and right quickly, eyes meeting mine for a brief moment. And in that small second of eye contact, I felt something. His eyes looked sad, like he was feeling sorry. But that look disappeared as quickly as it appeared, and Jisung was out of sight once again.
I was in bed, eyes up to the plain white ceiling that gave me the free will to think about anything. Anything and everything, but it all lead to Jisung. I simply couldn’t shake it off. The way Jisung looked at me. I felt the impact of his push so vividly. I kept replaying the scene in my mind. It was just so not Jisung. It was so off from what he’s like. It seemed like it wasn’t Jisung at all. I turned to my side, phone right beside my face. I picked it up, instantly going to my contacts and clicking on Jisung’s name.
“What’s going on with you...” I said in a soft whisper, my mind trailing off yet again as I stared at Jisung’s name on my screen, so bright and so big. Yet it suddenly felt distant. Jisung, felt distant. A long while had past, and I still contemplated on whether to give him a call. I gave up doing so a few days back. Why did I still have hope? He didn’t seem to want anything to do with me. And I knew it wasn’t because he’s busy. He didn’t want to contact me. He’s ignoring me.
I closed my eyes, taking in a deep breath, slow and steady to calm my mind. I was beginning to jump to conclusions. And I really would never want to have that perception of Jisung. Never once thought of him that way, and never will. I would never. I groaned out loud, turning off my phone and placing it back down beside me harshly with the screen faced down. I curled myself up into a ball. It had only been a week. And I was already missing him. His voice, his clumsiness, his cuteness. The sudden change of his attitude, to the whole ignoring and growing distant thing. It was too much. Again I was falling, cracking at places where it got pieced together when I was with Jisung.
Unable to sit still, I got up and walked to my study table, slamming my body down and beginning to do work. I furiously began writing, doing whatever I can to suppress myself. I was growing mad, and if I had to let out my anger, I’d be doing it in the productive way. However, I was only able to keep that adrenaline up for a few minutes till I got to frustrated that I threw my pen on the wall in front of my and balled fists into my hair, screaming till my voice disappeared. I shut up eyes close, allowing the tears that had been welling up this whole time to finally fall, sending myself into a breakdown.
I cried and shouted with all my heart. I couldn’t beat it. I couldn’t do anything without Jisung. I didn’t know what to feel. Anger, rational, disappointment. Perhaps it was all those balled into one emotion I didn’t know the name of. I shook my head vigorously, running a hand through my hair and slamming both hands down on the table, wanting to swallow down my flood of emotions. I can’t be going through this. I had work to do. Jisung’s a waste of my time, and my energy. My feelings for him will not stop me from moving forward. I knew I shouldn’t have met him. He led me to this, to suffering even more on top of my large pile of other stresses I had to handle. He was once my ukiyo, but how he’s far from being one.
“I can’t fucking keep doing this!” Jisung screamed, pacing back and forth in his dorm. Luckily Renjun wasn’t here to hear his rant. He’d been stressed out about it for weeks. It’s almost been a few months. He couldn’t keep this up. He was this close to showing his anger if his friends were to ever hung out with him again. Jisung had one arm wrapped around his torso while the other rested and had his thumb grazing over his bottom lip. He was missing her. He wanted to see her. But he couldn’t. Not when his friends are around 24/7.
At the party later that night, Jisung had no mood for any of it. Not the drinking, not the games. He was at this stupid party just because his friends dragged him. Although he never said no to the offer. Jisung simply went with it to satisfy his friends. He was sick of the people around him reeking of alcohol, people bumping into him every which way, the loud music that could possibly bloa his eardrums. Just how many of these parties had he been to already? And he still couldn’t get used to this.
Jisung was standing by the drinks area, watching his friends on the couch and getting wasted. They’re finding their own way home somehow. Jisung knew they were capable, so there wasn’t any reason why he had to take care of them. He seemed to be so fixated on one spot that he didn’t even realise Jeno was standing beside him after he let out a, “You seem to be having fun.” Jisung came zinging back to reality. “Yeah.”
“I know you aren’t.” Jeno gulped down the red cup and placed it down on the table behind them. He leaned back casually, eyeing Jisung which intimidated Jisung just a little bit. “What’s been going on with you?” Jeno leaned his head forward and closer to Jisung, making sure his words could be heard over the loud music. “Nothing.” Jeno scoffed. “It can’t be nothing.”
Jisung turned his head to face Jeno, flashing him a look that read, “I really don’t care.” Jeno smacked his lips and folded his arms. “I’m the closest one to you. Even though they all treat you like you’re our own baby, I’m the one that knows you best. So spill. There’s no hiding from me.” Jisung groaned out loudly and grabbed Jeno’s wrist, pulling him to a room closed and isolated from this mess Jisung simply hated.
Jisung went in and slammed himself onto the bed, sitting on the edge while Jeno raised both his eyebrows in shock at the little man’a temper, closing the door behind him slowly as the music finally got drowned out. “So?” Jeno began, leaning against the door and placing one leg over the other. Jisung threaded his fingers through his hair, keeping his hand at the back of his head as he tilted upwards to find a way to say his feelings, as if the words were out there for him on the ceiling.
“I have this girl I like. We’ve been hanging out for a long while. But we stopped because one day I decided to be a prick and push her off when she saw me with the rest of us.” Jeno opened his mouth and clapped his hand once. “It’s that girl isn’t it?!” Jeno pointed at Jisung with surprise. Jisung wasn’t exactly sure if Jeno and Jisung were thinking of the same girl, but either way Jisung simply nodded.
“I don’t know why I did it in the first place. I guess I was embarrassed of you guys knowing her and you’ll keep bugging me about it all the time if you knew.” Jisung groaned out, the frustration expertly imbued into his tone though it took no effort to do so. Jeno narrowed his eyes on Jisung, a look that made him know that a long lecture was about to come for him. And he couldn’t escape.
As Jeno pushed his back off the door and walked forward, he said, “So what? You didn’t want us knowing you have a girl you like because you think we’ll invade your privacy? If you want to know, most of us guessed it already. You kept going out at such late hours almost all the time. Did you think Renjun wouldn’t have noticed?” Jeno tilted his head, making sure it was extremely obvious. “That’s why we were shocked when you did that to her.” Jeno added on. Jeno squinted his eyes and blinked them rapidly. “Then why don’t you just explain it to her?”
Jisung frowned, head slowly tilting down to cover his face. “Because I felt bad for doing it and thought she’d be mad at me and wouldn’t want to talk to me again.” Jisung sighed loudly for three days. “I didn’t-” Jisung inhaled deeply. “I didn’t want to face her because I didn’t want to feel the pain of having her get mad at me.” Jeno chuckled, the kind that was in disbelief. “Jisung! You don’t even know if she felt that way!” Jeno slammed a palm to his forehead. “Yes she’d be mad but you should be making the first move to apologise to her! She’s probably crying in bed wondering why you suddenly cut off all ties with her, you dummy!”
While Jeno was giving him an earful, Jisung fiddled with this thumbs, scarping at the hang nails and growing deep in thought. Jeno was right. Why didn’t he do anything to solve it? He simply backed off because he was too afraid to face her after what happened. He was caring for his own feelings more than hers. And now she’s definitely in a way worsr position than he was. “Fuck I’m dumb.” Jeno hummed in agreement, only making Jisung shoot a glare at him while letting out a ‘tsk’.
“Might be too late but talk to her. Right now she needs an explanation. No matter how long ago it was.” Jeno had his voice firm and advisory.
Jisung made his way to her dorm. He had a sinking, anxious feeling in his chest while he walked down the hallway and inched closer to her door.
I was at my table, still studying the life out of me. I knew I’d be walking out of this dorm brain drained and walking like a living corpse when I go for my lecture tomorrow. Just when I wanted to rest my head down, there was a knock on the door. I thought I misheard, but after a long moment the knocking came again. I quickly walked up to the door, swinging it open. Everything paused. My motion, my eyes. It was glued to the person in front of me, which was Jisung.
“Can I come-” “I have work to do.”
I tried to close the door, but Jisung stopped it with his foot. “Please. I owe you an explanation.” Jisung said, voice filled with softness and sincerity. I couldn’t bear to resist. I knew I never could if he came. I sucked in my lips, sighed quietly and opening the door. I walked in, sitting at my study table and turning my chair around. I watched Jisung close the door behind hIm, making his way to the bed, each step seemed to be weary and careful, watching out for himself with every move to make sure he didn’t do anything wrong.
Jisung and I locked eyes for a long time, silence circulating the air. I cocked my brow up in curiosity as to why he wasn’t saying anything. Jisung quickly noticed my change of expression and shook his head as if bringing himself back from a moment of deep thinking. “I’m sorry. For that day. I know I was rude. First I did that, then I completely ignored you.” Jisung bit his lower lip, now avoiding eye contact like he was too embarrassed to meet my eyes. “I did it because I was scared of what my friends thought of me having someone.” My quizzical expression became more prominent.
I sat there, not sure of what to think. Like I said, I never wanted to think badly of Jisung. But after hearing that, it seemed that my underlined feeling of anger became to surface itself after being forced to suppress itself for far too long. “So you did that to me then you ignored me. On top of that completely removing me out of your life like I was invisible. Then you didn’t bother to try and fix this sooner. All this because of what you’re friends would think of me? Of us?” I pointed to myself, my voice growing scarily louder with each sentence.
I smacked my lips and nodded. I didn’t need his verbal reply to know the answers to that. And it disappointed me. “I never thought I’d say this. But that was shallow. Very shallow of you.” I ran a hand through my hair. “Did you know how much I was going through when I couldn’t contact you? All those times I texted and called, you didn’t reply to any of them. And why? For your pride? While I was here balling my eyes out every night unable to do my work.”
I allowed a moment of silence to pass, though I could’ve continued without having to catch my breath. “You used to be my escape. Someone I came to when I needed to destress, be free. But now... you’re just the person that’s stopping me from my goal. Getting work done, it could be stressing yes. But if I’m unable to do work just because of my feeling for someone as low as you...” I shut my eyes closed, wanting to hold back my tears. My opened my eyes and forced them to blare at Jisung with firmness. “I don’t see why you should be in my life anymore.”
I stood up, taking slowly strides to the door. I held the doorknob, turning it and opening the door. I brought my free hand out, motioning to Jisung. “Don’t come back. I can’t bear to see you anymore without having these confusing feelings. It’s something I shouldn’t be spending my time worrying about.” I said sternly. I watched Jisung. He seemed far from stable. He seemed to be cracking at the seams, he was at the edge of tears. He didn’t bother to hide them, the tears seeming to be clouding his vision as it welled up in his eyes. He had his eyes glued to the floor the whole time. A long moment went by till he finally stood up and walked to the door.
Before Jisung left, he stood right in front of me. His eyes met mine, shivering with guilt and instant despair. It broke my heart to see him like this. But in situations like these, I had to choose. Either lose Jisung, or lose myself. “I’m sorry.” He muttered, almost inaudible. He blinked his eyes once and the tears streamed down his cheeks. I reached my hand out, slowly and shakil to place them on his shoulder. He looked down on it, simply letting it slide off when he went. He walked away, and I bit my bottom lip. That was the last moment I saw him.
Closing the door, I let my back lean against the door and slide down till I reached the floor. I thought I wouldn’t feel a single sense of sadness or regret. But at that moment, when I couldn’t even handle seeing Jisung’s back disappear as he walked down the hallway, the shell I had carefully built around my heart shattered, and no number of words of reassurance repeated to myself will piece it back together. I shook my head. If I kept my expectations low, I would stop feeling the throbbing. If I cut off all my emotions, I wouldn’t be so weak. And that was what I was determined to do.
Jisung felt every single word struck deep and low, like a bell toll that shook inside him. As the her hand fell off his shoulder, so,too, did the warmth. He began to shiver. Only cold and pain remained, sharp enough to numb everything else. All his adrenaline, gone, and with it, his sense of feeling. All his life, gone. The ground caved in, and he hit bottom.
Jisung walked away with a heavy heart. Everything he did for her. From the moment she unintentionally made that call to the last time they met, Jisung had it flashed in his mind like a movie tape. She was al the more right to be like this to him. He knew all too wel of the consequences. He had to bear this pain. It was the only right thing to do. He didn’t know how he’ll get over it. But even if he eventually does. he’ll never forget her. Not for a single second. Even if she would be shoved to the back of his mind, he’d dug up for it again. She meant so much to him. And how Jisung will be seeing her no longer.
Tumblr media
“Jaehyun stop I swear!” I giggled loudly as Jaehyun continued to tickle my sides. He carried me away from the cashier with his arms around my waist. I laughed out loudly and beg him constantly to put me down. He finally did when I gave him a hard smack in the arm and made him wince.
“You’re laugh is cute.” Jaehyun said with a light chuckle. I rolled my eyes and folded my arms. “Yeah well you don’t have to keep tickling me for you to hear it.” I feigned exasperation, leaning forward against the counter to place my chin on the palm of my hand. “Really? Good to know but I’d still prefer to tickle you.” I shot Jaehyun a death glare and all he did was threw back a playful wink to which I responded with a ‘tsk’.
Jaehyun got close to ruffle my hair. And when he had his hand on my head, the bell above the door opened, signalling that someone entered. I swatted off Jaehyun’s hand, him laughing lowly at my defensive act as I pat down my apron. “Welcome to-” My voice stopped in its tracks. I was frozen. The moment I looked up, I instantly knew the person in front of me.
“Park Jisung.” I whispered, voice growing soft. I gulped, wanting to swallow away any feeling that might surface before I even continued. Our eyes locked. And Jisung... he was suddenly bringing in the sense of comfort through his gaze. I didn’t know how he did it. We’ve never met for almost two years. Yet here he was, suddenly showing up in front of my face, with not a single thing of him changed and giving me the exact same feeling I had back then.
“I’d like to talk. Over some black coffee?” Jisung offered, slowly pointing up to the menu, his eyes never leaving mine. I blinked my eyes rapidly and took this time to glance at Jaehyun, who seemed to he confused yet didn’t want to question or interrupt whatever was happening in front of me. “Why? You have no reason to.” I said simply with a nonchalant shrug. That was clearly a fake move.
“Just a chat. We used to be friends, didn’t we?” Jisung questioned back, pushing his shoulders back and allowing his chest to puff up ever so slightly with confidence. I didn’t know where he was going at, why he was here in the first place. Either way, I didn’t give him a reply, simply turning around to start making the coffee with Jaehyun giving me space.
I went to the table where Jisung was seated, placing the two cups of black coffee on the table. I took a seat at the opposite side. Tight silence circulated us. It made me want to choke due to how awkward it was. I was running my finger around the rim of the cup slowly. “Have you been well?” Jisung asked. “I’m doing great. Got into university and I’m working here part time.” I breathed out. “You?” I asked back. I was genuinely curious.
As much as I was able to get over Jisung, his unknown well being got me to he on edge whenever I thought of him. That could be said with my buried feelings for him as well. “Got admitted into an art school. I’m apparently capable enough to start my own dance crew.” Jisung breathed out a light chuckle and took a sip of coffee. “Look. What I’m here for is...”
Jisung closed his eyes for a moment before opening them back and have it darted to meet mine. “What I’m here for is that I want to start over.” I gave him an expressionless look, mainly because I didn’t know what emotion to show. It was all spiralled into something unrecognisable. A mix of lots of emotions. I had no reply for Jisung, which only gave him a signal to keep talking.
“Every day I’ve carried the burden of missing you. And each day it grew heavier and heavier. I knew it was the weight of my actions, their consequences. And I miss you too much. You meant so much to me, and you still do. I was trying to not break our friendship but I only made it worse. Trust me I regretted it everyday after that.” Jisung’s eyes softened and I grew weak under his gaze. It was gentle and light, it made me fall in a matter of seconds if I didn’t care to put in energy to have a guard up.
“And on top of that, it wasn’t just our friendship I missed. I missed it all. You. I didn’t get to say this, but I’ve liked you. And I always have. It was a feeling beyond the mutual one. It was something more and I came here afraid of how you’d think. I came anyway. Because I’d do anything to get to start over with you again.” I swallowed. It took me time to allow his words to sink in. I wasn’t able to form a reply right off the bat.
I did have feelings for Jisung as well. Though it wasn’t prominent at the start, it began to grew the more time we spent together, which was why it made the situation two years ago far more painful than it really was. Apparently Jisung felt that way as well.
“If I allow it, will you be my ukiyo again?” I whispered, looking down to my cup that I have yet to drink a singe drop of coffee from. Jisung leaned in closer and, his face now inches away from mine. My breath hitched in my throat. He still had this affect on me. The ability to have me frozen and stiff with his gaze and actions. It was something only he knew how to do, the only one who could do this to me. 
“Your ukiyo, your Peter Pan. Please...” Jisung leaned forward to rest his chin on top of my head, tilting his head down slowly to place a soft, loving kiss on the crown of my head. One that made me feel as if he was touching something so precious and fragile, the most important thing in the world. “Take me back.” I closed my eyes and took in one deep breath. 
“Take me back to the studio after my shift.” 
187 notes · View notes
deniigi · 3 years
Note
my supervisor fucked me over with all my other coworkers present. can I request a one shot from you to cheer me up featuring Sammy?
Did I give y’all the fic about the hotpot?
Well if I didn’t, I’m giving it to you now.
Title: hotpot
Summary: Ganke checks the comments for the Blindspot comic daily and there’s this one asshole anon who keeps talking shit about BT.
--
The Blindspot comic went live in the fall and Ganke couldn’t stop checking the hit count every five seconds. All night there had only been ten hits.
He told himself not to be disappointed. The only person who really mattered had read and loved the comic.
Miles said that BT had even forced everyone on the team to read an abridged version of Journey to the West, and had gone as far as to make a quiz to determine everyone’s character.
Miles refused to disclose who he’d gotten.
BT had clearly rigged the game to make himself Sun Wukong and Ganke was proud of him.
That kind of enthusiasm was exactly what he’d been hoping for, anything else now was just icing on the cake.
Even though it would be cool if it wasn’t just BT reading his own comics.
That would be pretty cool, right? Like. If people online all started reading BT’s comic. That would be sort of amazing.
Kind of excellent.
Definitely worthy of an A+ and double pats on the back.
Right?
The hit counter didn’t think so. But hey, five more people had opened the page since last night. That was something, wasn’t it?
 MM: dude why not just ask Sam to tweet out the link?
 How dare you, Miles Morales.
How dare you waltz into this place with logical thought.
GL: I can’t do that. That’s like. Idk. Inflating the views.
MM: okay yeah explain to me how appealing to the person in control of the largest part of his own fandom is inflating the views
GL: I see your logic and I’m banishing it
MM: I’m messaging him
GL: DON’T
MM: too late
MM: he says ‘gimme link’
GL: asdksjsjdks
--
 @blindspot: hi I know y’all can’t get enough of me to the point of asking shockingly invasive questions and for you I say good news! Some amazing folks have gone through the trouble of making a Blindspot comic. it’s good guys check it out [link]
--
 It helped.
A lot.
It helped a lot.
--
 People, on the whole, had great things to say. The panels were screenshotted and tagged and sent all over social media and even though Miles was pretending to be chill and aloof about the whole thing, Ganke could imagine him smiling big and bright and white at his phone non-stop.
Mom and Auntie saw a few of the bits on Twitter and tittered over them in the kitchen like pigeons.
The pride rose like a wave. Ganke kept waiting for the crash.
--
 It came two days later in the form of a comment that read ‘Christ, look at all this fuss. BT is fine. I hate his brother.’
It felt like someone punching the wind out of Ganke’s lungs.
He took comfort in the handful of people who leapt in to shout down the commenter. They emphasized that if the anonymous commenter didn’t like the story or the characters, then they didn’t have to read it and they, especially, didn’t have to say anything about it.
Ganke appreciated those guys. He got the feeling that a lot of the people on there knew that the whole thing had been done but a couple of kids.
Not that Anon cared.
Anon replied to all these comments ‘No, I’m gonna keep reading, thanks. Anyways, the brother is lame. The smart part is cool, but why’s it always gotta be a guy?’
The part that haunted Ganke even after he’d shut his laptop and had gone to stick his head out the window for some big breaths of cleansing air was that Anon was kind of right.
--
 GL: should we have made Guotin’s brother a sister?
MM: no
GL: why not?
MM: cause BT’s always wanted a brother
 Oh.
Okay. Then it was fine?
 MM: yeah man ignore them. it’s chill.
GL: k thanks my ego is huge and fragile
MM: trust me I know
 Asshole. Fine, moving right along.
--
 It didn’t stop. Anon commented on every page. Every. Single. Page.
Ganke didn’t know what to do or say. On the one hand, clearly this person was dedicated and deeply engaged with the comic, on the other hand, they needed a Rude Alert button. Ganke wondered if Ned could code one for them and them only.
The latest of their fury was directed at the big reveal in the second issue—BT’s face.
Having now met Sam, BT, Blindspot, Ganke’s whole image of him had changed.
He was not conventionally attractive as far as like, K-Pop idols and famous Chinese dudes went. His eyes were puffy and narrow and his face was round everywhere but the jaw. He leaned more towards ‘cute’ than ‘sexy,’ which Ganke sort of loved about him.
He was friendly. Stressed and grumpy and feisty as hell, yeah, but first and foremost friendly.
Miles claimed that he called it his ‘number one asset in employability.’ Which was wild because hello, Blindspot.
Obviously, BT couldn’t help his face. But Miles and Ganke could help Guotin’s.
Ganke had sent Miles about fifteen different images of Chinese celebrities and had told him to do his worst. They’d reviewed the final few drafts and had picked one that was most like a young Chen Kun. His face was more oval-shaped than BT’s. His chin and lips were slimmer but more defined. He was pretty, but not so pretty as to be called ‘feminine,’ which Ganke thought was a solid compromise between ‘handsome as sin’ and ‘looks like he’s got a quirky sense of humor.’
Anon hated him.
Anon thought that he looked like an idol, and they were not here for it.
They told ‘the artist’ to give him a mole or something, anything to make him look ‘less pristine. God, I can smell him from here and he smells like Dior and staph habitat.’
Ganke had to look up what a staph infection was. He regretted it. He asked Miles if they should censor Anon.
Miles said ‘mmmmm, idk it’s not like they aren’t saying anything that isn’t true.’
Ganke resented that. Clearly this was defamation of BT. This person hated him and was taking their feeling out on the comic.
 MM: I mean yeah but it’s not like they’re talking about the comic, man. They’re talking about the style and like, thinking about it, a mole or smth to help you tell him apart from other folks would kind of be helpful. Like, especially if we ever put him in a crowd, you know?
 HHHHHH.
Fine.
Anon could stay. But they were on thin ice.
--
 It was hard not to be bitter about Anon’s comments, especially when they arrived daily, as though Anon knew exactly what they were doing and which page they’d left off at. They couldn’t possibly be reading the comic one page at a time, this was intentional.
Ganke’s jaw hurt from all the tooth grinding he’d endured as of late.
This latest one read ‘yo, has BT ever mentioned fighting with a sword? I don’t recall him mentioning. Someone should take that thing away from him before someone loses an eye—or maybe even two.’
That felt like a pointed jibe.
That turned the churning irritation in Ganke’s gut into something much, much colder.
Did Anon know about BT’s black and blue eyes? How could they know? Was it a coincidence? It seemed to be more than a coincidence.
The pile of critiques was growing bigger and bigger, and now that Ganke thought about it, they all seemed to take issue with things that didn’t match the real Blindspot’s personality.
It was as if they knew him.
 GL: miles did you read the new comment from AnonTheAsshole?
MM: lol yeah
GL: tell me if I’m talking out my ass or whatever but like
GL: you don’t think they could be Muse, could they?
 Silence.
 MM: oh no
 Yeah. Fuck.
 MM: chances are low.
GL: they know so much tho??
MM: might be stalker? Maybe someone who’s over-invested in BT’s social media pages?
GL: maybe.
MM: hold on let me ask Spidey to screen it
GL: does he know Muse?
MM: no, but he’s paranoid and he’ll get Wade to be paranoid with him, and then they can decide whether its worth giving to DD for verification. He knows Muse.
 Ganke’s head was spinning. His fingers shook with guilt and the thought of Muse’s pale body hunched over a secret, cracked cell phone in a high security prison who knew where.
In Ganke’s head, he smiled wider and wider, until the skin on his cheeks cracked. He dug out scraps of paper and redrew Blindspot—Sam—with gaping holes for eyes and a screaming mouth and he drew dismembered corpses in black lakes and he laughed.
He just kept laughing.
 MM: hey ganke
MM: it’s going to be okay. It’s just a comic. I’m sure AnonTheAsshole is a stalker. They’re not threatening anyone.
MM: Sam can deal with a stalker. And we can too, okay?
 There was a reason that Miles was a hero. Ganke wiped at his eyes and swallowed.
 GL: okay. Thanks for doing that.
MM: 👍🏾
--
 It took a few hours because Spidey and Deadpool had lives outside of being Spidey and Deadpool, but not so long that Ganke ran out of nails to chew.
Miles messaged him back and said that Spidey had read through everything and ‘escalated it.’ This meant that whatever he’d seen had caused him enough concern to take it to DP.
Miles said that he’d get back to Ganke with DP’s verdict as soon as he had it. In the meantime, he’d run the comments by the other Spideypeople and they thought that it most likely wasn’t malevolent but was maybe something to keep an eye on in the meantime. He tacked onto all, somewhat stiltedly, that he had a weird feeling all of the sudden. The pink Spidey’s tone had changed. She’d shut down and gone cagey, which allegedly wasn’t like her at all. Then she’d told the taller guy to DM her and they’d vanished from the chat. Miles wasn’t sure what was going on there or if maybe they knew something about stuff going on that he didn’t, but he wasn’t super comfortable with it.
 GL: crossing my fingers its nothing?
MM: same man, same.
--
 DP escalated it.
Ganke couldn’t stay still in his room. There was no comfortable place to sit or stand or lay. There was nothing to do that would make him stop thinking about everything.
 MM: It’s gonna be fine, man, DD always knows what to do.
 Miles kept saying that for every step of the way, and yet here they were. Double escalated. Ganke wasn’t so sure he even knew what was happening anymore.
That was scary. Miles was supposed to be part of the in-crowd.
 MM: Wade doesn’t think it’s anything that can’t be nipped in the bud.
 That was easy for a contract assassin to say, wasn’t it?
 MM: he says that you and I are fine. Doesn’t see any links there. Waiting on DD for confirmation of tone.
 Hurry up, Daredevil. Your apprentice’s life might be about to take a nosedive into a heap of trash.
--
 Two hours. One text.
 MM: >:/
 Ganke couldn’t contain the bubble of laughter.
 GL: good news?
MM: [image]
 He opened it.
 SC: HANNAH YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE. STOP BEING A BITCH ON MAIN
HC: You can’t tell me what to do
SC: I CAN
HC: Mom he’s being MEAN
SC: Mom she’s scaring children online
HC: I scare children everywhere I go why are these ones special???
SC: Because I said so
HC: that doesn’t fucking work Samuel you’re not her
SC: I am your older brother
SC: your ELDEST brother
HC: YOU AINT SHIT
SC: THEY DON’T COUNT
SC: HALFSIES COUNT
 What.
 MM: so.
MM: she’s not Muse.
MM: Red’s laughing his ass off at all of us for taking this to a level three
GL: wait I don’t understand
MM: Hannah is Sam’s little sister. She’s found a new hobby in our website.
 Blindspot’s little sister was reading the comic??? Holy shit.
 GL: she hates him?
MM: no I’ve been informed that they would literally commit murder for each other but this is how they express love.
 No way. Siblings were wild.
 GL: so we’re good?
MM: [image]
  SC: apologize 🔪
HC: eat my ass
SC: apologize or else
HC: or else what? You gonna come in here and sit on me? Huh? Huh????
SC: I know your email password. All 3 you cycle through. What was his name? Uuuuuuuuuh Jing?
HC: you fucking bastard
SC: Hi Jing, it’s me, Hannah. I’ve been in mad crush with you since sophomore year. Please notice me senpai 😖
HC: Die
SC: kill me
HC: I will.
 The giggles that came this time were a mix of relief and genuine intrigue. This lady read the comic every day. She took the time to scroll through pictures of her brother being an absolute lunatic and fighting with a huge monkey. Then she hopped into that comment box and took him—not Miles, not Ganke, specifically Blindspot--down a peg.
She must miss him a lot. Ganke wondered if this was her way of keeping him in her thoughts.
 MM: I don’t think we’re getting a sorry, man. DD says Sam’s been at this all morning and has been tricked into apologizing himself twice
GL: so you’re saying that she’s an evil genius
MM: idk but she’s def Sam’s main nemesis. I always thought that older siblings got like, rights or something over younger ones, but idk anymore. Angel says this is normal.
GL: do you think she misses him?
 Miles took a long time to respond.
 MM: yeah
 Yeah, Ganke thought so, too.
 GL: should we change Guo tin’s brother’s name to ‘hamish?’
MM: ASDLDSDSFKdsjf
MM: one moment.
MM: sam says yes. Hannah says that she thinks our comic is shit and we need to draw everything uglier
GL: she’s kind of funny
MM: 👀perhaps she would like to be a consultant?
GL: 👀👀👀👀
MM: brb asking
MM: sam says no. Hannah says she’s got better things to do than proofread comics on the internet. She’s also not sorry. She wants that to be clear. DD says that the conversation has moved from English to Chinese and to maybe duck and cover for now. He says all is good tho. Thanks for checking in.
MM: Muse doesn’t use punctuation and talks in riddles, so if we get any of that, we’re supposed to send it to DP right away.
 Oh, nice. That was a relief.
 MM: oh
MM: sam wants to put us in a chat. Can I give him your number?
 Uh, only if he wanted Ganke to hyperventilate.
 GL: sure
 --
  [GL has been added to a Secure Chat]
 It was a page of characters and emojis that were somehow more menacing than Ganke had ever seen them before. Miles popped a little waving hand into the fray, as though testing the waters, but the characters just carried on scrawling around it.
Ganke wasn’t quite sure what to do.
 GL: hi? Are y’all okay?
 There was finally a pause. Then a few shorter lines of characters. And then finally, Blindspot switched from Chinese to English.
 SC: yes we’re FINE. We’re GREAT. Aren’t we, sibling from hell?
HC: who’re you? Why are you in our family chat? This is a family only zone, can’t you read?
SC: God Hannah he’s Korean don’t be a dick
HC: I can’t not be I learned it from you
SC: fair but pretend in the face of company
HC: okay fine. Hello losers.
MM: adksadfadsdfldfsldf
MM: hi
GL: hi?
SC: go on
HC: UGH
HC: fine
HC: I didn’t mean to shit talk your creation. Only my brother.
SC: also a sin, we’ll get to that later
HC: no one cares about you Samuel, stop spreading lies
SC: you first. We both know this is no lie, my white dad cares about me a whole lot
HC: well we can’t all have white dads now can we
SC: don’t be jealous
MM: lol you really call Matt your white dad??
HC: who is this person and how do they know our mutual parent’s name?
SC: this is not a mutual parent situation how many times have we been through this. He’s mine. Get your own.
MM: hi! 👋🏾I’m Bitsy! Spidey no. 4
GL: I’m his friend. He draws the comic. I write it.
HC: oh. nerd children x2
HC: anyways yeah Matt is our dad
SC: ffs
MM: he’s sort of dadly ig.
HC: ?? oho
SC: mind your face. Think about your face. Think about how much you like your face.
HC: little spider, did you not hear?
SC: kay everyone out. We’re done here
MM: hear what?
HC: lol Sammy you didn’t tell them about how Matthew Mcconaughey adopted you in all ways but paperwork?
 Ganke held his phone away from his face as far as it would go.
 MM: …wait are you for real?
SC: no. okay out.
HC: awwww Sammy so shy now. What are you embarrassed about? It’s cute.
SC: Hannah literally shut up I’m not playing
HC: damn okay sorry
MM: can I be honest?
SC: no
MM: I’m going to be anyways: I think we all sorta knew.
SC: …
HC: right?
SC: what does that even mean?
MM: idk, it just felt right, you know? You two are always fussing at each other and red lost his shit that time you got shot. He doesn’t treat you the way he treats the rest of us and we’re his teammates. He doesn’t even treat spidey like he treats you. So like, yeah. It fits.
MM: I’m really happy for you guys.
MM: is there a reason it’s a secret?
 Ganke eased himself back down onto the mattress. This was real. This was like, actual, real information. Something that he and like, four other people in the world now knew.
He kind of wanted to forget it. It didn’t feel right to know.
 SC: I dunno.
HC: if sam has an honest emotion towards anything he has to calculate its weight so he can make space for it in his collection of satellites.
MM: wh
SC: you’re so not funny.
HC: it’s called emotional repression, darling. It’s all the rage in this family.  
MM: oh
MM: so that’s why you and Red get on so well
SC: HHHHHHH
HC: HA
SC: okay but listen his is different, I’ve only seen him cry at his wedding. I cry at least 4 times a week. Obviously under the bed, but that can’t be emotional repression. That’s expression. That’s clearly expression
HC: I can make the old man cry watch me
SC: please don’t I’ll die
MM: awwwww
SC: shut up it doesn’t even matter.
MM: AWWWWWW
SC: LEAVE ALREADY
MM: no I like it here. I want to hear you talk about how much you love your white dad
SC: I don’t. He loves me. I’m fine with this because it results in food, shelter, and continued employment.
HC: uh huh
SC: I’m using him
HC: yeah because you’re like the most manipulative person I know.
SC: thank you
HC: /sarcasm
SC: I know I ignored it.
MM: so wait why do you actually pretend like you hate him tho?
SC: wh
SC: what the fuck am I supposed to do? Just go on up for a cuddle? Have you met Matt? The second someone starts crying, he finds trash to take out to the bins. Hell no. Life is easier for everyone if I stab him with a stick and he kicks my ass in training. It’s fine.
HC: Sam is learning how to be a Manly Man. This is step one.
SC: I’m plenty manly
HC: you’re what mom imagined as manly
SC: which is perfect. That’s all I need.
HC: mama’s boy
SC: must suck to suck, no one’s kid.
 Wow. Ganke had never been more glad that he didn’t have a sister.
 GL: That’s kind of cool, though.
GL: that you and DD are close like that I mean.
GL: Its different from all the other mentor/mentee superheroes we see who like, sort of hate each other.
SC: wh
SC: OH. you mean Peter and Kate. Peter doesn’t actually hate Stark, fyi. And Kate calls Hawkeye the Old bi-weekly to make sure he’s still breathing. It’s actually pretty normal.
MM: he doesn’t mean like that Sam. I mean, like those guys don’t associate with their Olds now that they’re grown up and stuff, but you and DD stick together. It’s like you’re family.
MM: and that’s super cool. Idk if Spidey would ever consider me family. I don’t think he wants that for us.
SC: I?
SC: oh shit
HC: CLARITY ON THIS FINE DAY. What was your name again, tiny spider?
MM: miles
HC: PRAISE BE TO MILES
HC: AN EMOTION WAS HAD
SC: get fucked
HC: An epiphany was obtained!
SC: would you shut up
HC: Something has finally permeated that non-porous, two-inch thick skull of my esteemed eldest brother
SC: I’m your only brother
HC: you’re not
SC: they don’t fucking count
HC: now will you FINALLY invite our mutual dad to hotpot?
SC: Hannah he doesn’t want to come to hot pot we’ve talked about this. it’s too spicy for him.
HC: I’ll make it 1/3 less spicy
SC: that’s still too spicy
HC: I’ll make it 2/5 less spicy
SC: 3/5
HC: listen
HC: I have all this fucking equipment that SOMEONE left here callously
MM: what’s hotpot?
SC: 👀
HC: 👀
GL: 👀
SC: well fuck
HC: EYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
GL: have we never taken you with us for hotpot???
MM: no?? is this the sticks?
HC: can be. Where do you live?
SC: Hannah no
HC: Hannah yes. We’ll make one here. You’ll make one there.
SC: do you know how much shit I’ll have to buy? Where are we gonna put it?
HC: this wouldn’t be a problem if you’d taken your goddamn inheritance with you to SF
SC: HHHHHH
MM: you guys are actually being serious?
HC: I am. I am here all on my lonesome. Abandoned by my only kin. I require enrichment.
SC: try doing your fucking homework
HC: did anyone hear something?
MM: lololololol I like you
HC: 😊
SC: wh
SC: oh no. No no no.
SC: you two don’t get to be friends
HC: come here bb pspspspspspsps
MM: I’m here
HC: got ‘im. Let’s have hotpot. Sammy send me resippy. We’ll do it together over video so I don’t fuck it up.
SC: I’ve got to go. This has been traumatizing.
HC: byeeeeeeeeeeee
HC: is he gone? Hell yeah, he’s gone.
HC: hey thanks for making that comic thing. It’s hella rad. He loves it. Mom used to call him Monkey when he was little.
GL: omg aw
HC: ikr? P cute. He misses her a lot so I think it brought back good memories. Anyways, I’m actually going to make hotpot. Come over and have some with me, it’s more fun with more people.
MM: you’re not joking
HC: nope, it’s been ages since your whole team has gotten together, right? Ask them to do it. I’m a shit cook, but Sam’ll show us how not to screw it up. And he’s playin’, he’s totally down to hang out with us. We never had more than three people. It’ll be new. Exciting. Enriching even.
MM: are you secretly a nice person, Hannah?
HC: the fuck do you mean ‘secret’??? I’m a delight.
MM: Okay I’ll ask the team and my mom
MM: ganke?
HC: 👀
 That—
Sounded kind of nice?
 GL: I’ll ask my mom.
HC: nice. You can tell them that it’s a friends dinner or whatever. Idc. I promise I’m not going to kidnap and murder you. I’ve got like, class and work and shit. I don’t have time for that.
MM: 👍🏾
GL: 👍🏼
HC: great here I’ll message you my number. This is legit our sibs chat so Sam’ll freak if you’re still here when he gets back.
MM: thank you! And sorry for thinking you were muse!!
GL: yeah that too
HC: lol np ttyl                                    
 That…had really just happened, hadn’t it?
Ganke needed to sit down even though he was already sitting down.
 GL: they’re so nice???
MM: ikr?
GL: are you actually going to ask your mom?
MM: Im gonna ask BT if its cool first. Then yeah. Why not? Our team really hasn’t gotten together in a minute. Everyone’s been super busy. It would be a nice change of pace, and if everyone brings smth then Hannah doesn’t have to pay for anything.
MM: ah, Sam says it’s okay. He says sorry his sister is weird and that he’ll make sure she doesn’t poison us.
GL: I kind of love her
MM: same
MM: okay will check in with the others. Talk to you later.
GL: yeah see you later
 Damn, at this rate, Ganke’s family was going to triple in size, and all thanks to a comic.
Before he left for downstairs, he made a note to make Guo tin’s brother snarkier.
189 notes · View notes
badapricot · 3 years
Text
Lovely Writer: Count 29, 30, & 31
These are the chapter summaries for the last three chapters of Lovely Writer which should cover the entirety of Episode 12. Keep in mind that my Thai is elementary and they’re diverging from the book canon so we might just see a version of these events and not every single thing.
Count 29
Gene moves out of Nubsib’s condo and back into his own.
They decide that they shouldn’t be seen going in and out of each other’s condos (because they’re known to the public).
Gene feels like bad emotions are bubbling up inside him the more he thinks about the day prior, and how he made Nubsib angry enough to yell at him.
 Gene’s condo is a mess but he’s too tired and lazy to move.
He hears someone knocking on the door and goes to open it. It’s Tum.
Gene feels awkward because he doesn’t want to see anyone and Tum is Nubsib’s manager, but he can’t deny that it feels good to see a friendly face.
Tum is worried about Gene’s condition. He forces Gene to take medicine and tells him to take that medicine with rice every meal.
Gene asks why Tum is there when he has work and Tum says that there’s an event at a department store and there’s a red carpet fashion show. He was sent to invite Gene.
Tum tells Gene that he doesn’t agree with what his sister did and Gene tells him that it’s normal and he understands. Tum says that still, he shouldn’t have stood by and allowed it because Gene is his friend.
Tum asks if Gene and Nubsib are okay and Gene says he doesn’t know. Gene says he doesn’t know if Nubsib wants to talk with him. Tum assures Gene that Nubsib loves him very much and he did everything to get close to him including being cast in his series and moving in next door. Talking might be frustrating, but not talking to Nubsib is even more frustrating.
Tum says he wants Gene to talk to Nubsib but if he won’t then Tum will take care of him. He offers to take Gene out for lunch and to pay. But Tum says he needs to take care of something first so Gene will have to wait for him at the event he mentioned, alone.
Gene says he isn’t allowed to be in Nubsib’s vicinity without a good excuse (like Tum’s presence) and Tum says it’s fine as long as he sticks with others. Gene is the writer and the TV station invited them in that capacity.
Gene says he’ll go to to event because he wants to apologize to Nubsib.
Tum tells him he’ll leave to buy the food and come back to pick him up. For now, Gene should shower.
Gene thanks Tum for being his friend and Tum says you’re welcome. Gene realizes that Tum is the first person to make him smile in days.
Gene showers and dresses and then goes on Twitter. He sees tweets about how SibGene was just a rumour and clips of SibAey doing fanservice. It doesn’t bother him as much anymore, knowing that Aey really likes him.
Tum arrives with food and they eat lunch. Tum then drives them to the event.
Gene is set on apologizing to Nubsib for not consulting him about their breakup.
Gene is so out of it, he accidentally walks onto the red carpet and hits his head. Tum keeps him walking straight and makes them take a selfie together so they can post it online and prove that they were together (and Gene wasn’t with Nubsib).
Gene waits backstage and is very nervous about what he’ll finally say to Sib. So nervous that he doesn’t notice Aey is next to him until he grabs his face.
Aey asks if Gene is okay because he hasn’t been answering his LINEs. He asks if Gene is fighting with Nubsib and if he wants to talk to him, and Gene confirms that he is there to talk to Nubsib.
Aey tells Gene that he told him to just break up with Nubsib and date him instead. When he sees Gene’s expression he says that he’s joking. But he admits that he did ask Nubsib about Gene at university and his reaction was so scary, he hasn’t dared to ask again. He said that Nubsib’s recent cold aura is known on their campus.
Gene gets even more worried because that means Nubsib is still angry at him, and to that extent.
Aey tells Gene that him and Nubsib were recently offered a lot of couple contracts and even a movie project deal but Nubsib turned them all down because he’s looking for a new contract. Aey turned them down too. When Gene looks worried about it (because those jobs are high paying) Aey admits that he turned them down because he didn’t want to sell couple moments either.
Aey and Gene are interrupted by the staff so Aey can go on stage.
Gene waits twenty minutes and Nubsib doesn’t appear, so he’s ready to leave. But then he sees him.
I thought that he would smile like usual when he saw me. Instead, I saw his dark brows furrow.
"Khun Gene."
I was too late to respond because of his reaction. So I just kept quiet. "Uh ..."
"Why did you come?"
The words I had prepared to speak stopped abruptly. "I ..."
Nubsib took another step. But probably because I stood in his way, he turned around. He pulled the black curtains completely shut. The coldness I felt the day he told me to move my things back into the room made my heart feel like a big hammer had smashed it. My body was numb and my eyes were blurry.
I was helpless. But I was afraid it would be like the last time again, so I spoke.
"I came to talk to you."
"To talk?"
"…"
“There are a lot of journalists and even other staff members here. Khun Gene should have known this.” Nubsib swept his gaze around the backstage. In the end, he spoke in a calm voice. "Khun Gene, I’ll follow. There are other models at this event, so let’s go back first. "
"…"
Seeing this kind of expression, my hands and feet felt numb.
This was something I didn’t want to see.
Sib, angry at me?
He seemed annoyed and like he blamed me for coming here. But from his words, I couldn't deny it was true.
My mouth closed tightly. My feet stepped back. I had to try my best not to show the face that matched my mind, only nodding lightly while trembling. "Okay."
"If you want to talk, then let’s talk in my room."
"...yeah, I understand."
I bowed my head. My ears were ringing with a sound that couldn’t be heard as I turned and left. I hoped to hear Nubsib’s voice calling for me, and holding me back. But I took almost ten steps and I heard nothing. 
My feet moved faster.
Forget calling. I felt so unstable, I couldn’t even call a taxi back to my room.
Count 30 (Nubsib POV)
Nubsib didn’t expect to meet Gene backstage.
When he saw the staff looking at them with interest he purposefully smoothed out his expression.
He knew he was being selfish in the past, for not considering how he was causing trouble for Gene. He doesn’t want to cause more trouble for them by having new rumours about them.
After Gene leaves, Nubsib calls Tum and asks him, “Did you bring Khun Gene here?”
Tum says Gene came with him and Nubsib again asks why? He only told Tum to check on Gene, not bring him to work.
Nubsib goes to change into his normal clothes and meets Tum outside the venue.
Tum asks if he’s going to talk to Gene and Nubsib asks him if he thinks it’s a bad idea. Tum says it should be fine since they’re alone but he asks if Nubsib is still mad at Gene. Nubsib says he isn’t.
At first, he was angry and hurt because it felt like Gene cared more about other people over their relationship. But after, he understood Gene was worried about him and other’s jobs. Nubsib understands, but he wants Gene to understand that Gene is more important than any work, and Nubsib doesn’t care about work that much. That’s why he’s been negotiating a new contract.
Tum asks about it and Nubsib says he’s going to tell Gene about the new contract immediately.
Nubsib speeds back to the condo and rushes upstairs to see Gene.
I walked down the hall, and turned the corner where I spotted a familiar figure in the same clothes, leaning against the wall next to my door.
At that moment, my feet stopped.
He was still in the same outfit he wore at the event an hour ago. His small head was bowed low. He was breathing in and out slowly, and the sound was quiet, but I could hear it.
The sound of my shoes hitting the ground was the only other noise heard.
The loneliness radiating off of him made me feel lonely too.
I walked closer and stood in front of him. "Why are you standing ..."
"..."
"..."
Enlarged eyes. At that moment, it was like everything stopped as soon as Gene looked up.
The words that I was going to say suddenly changed.
"Why are you crying?"
"I..."
Like he had just realized while looking up at me, his eyes widened even more. At first, I only saw a pair of red eyes. But when we met each other's eyes, it seemed like he couldn’t even stand. "You told me to come back here? I...have something to talk to you about. Right here, right? "
Something in my chest tightened.
I didn’t answer his question. I didn’t know what my face was showing. But I was in so much pain, I had to clench my fists.
"Why are you crying?"
“...” 
At first I didn't see the tears. But when I asked this question, Gene really started to cry.
His head shook slowly. My hand lifted without me thinking.
I couldn’t bear to see it. I pulled him in to hold him tightly.
"Gene, stop crying."
"..."
Even if I couldn’t hear much, his body shook with the stress of trying to contain all of his emotions. That was worse than Gene just crying. It was the first time that I felt like I couldn’t control my expression. My voice trembled when I spoke. "Stop crying ..."
I didn't think I would come back and see Gene standing in front of my room crying, red cheeks and eyes full of tears. It made me feel even more angry. Not angry with Gene, but angry with myself.
"You want to break up with me for real, right? When you said we had to just break up...”
My eyebrows furrowed tightly. I quickly said, "There's no way. How could I break up with Gene?"
"You told me to come back to sleep in my own room." He cried and softly shuddered, trying to mute his voice, and I felt more sorry than I’d ever been for anything. "You act like you don’t even want to see my face. You're angry that I said that to you, right? Or after our conversation, you decided that it was better if we break up.”
I hugged the person in front of me tightly. I moved my hand to the back of his head to press his tear-stained cheek against my cheek, and closed my eyes. “No way. I would never break up with Gene. "
"..."
"No matter what happens, I’d never leave you."
"..."
"I love Gene this much. How could I stop?” My arms loosened slightly when I felt that my words made Gene gradually calm down. I used both hands to hold his soft cheeks, pulling him up to look and meet my eyes. "So stop crying first."
His eyes were wet and his nose was red. I moved my hand to wipe away his little tears.
Right now, this was the thing I didn’t want to see the most.
"I'm so sorry," said Gene repeatedly.
"No, I was at fault or doing that. I was wrong."
"..."
I shook my head and kept eye contact with Gene’s round eyes, not hiding my face, even though I knew how I looked bad. Too bad. I usually wouldn’t want to show this face to my lover, but now, I didn’t mind at all.
Gene looked at me. But when I moved forward and hugged him tightly, he buried his face in my neck. The tiny circumference of his waist made my chest feel even more constricted.
I brought Gene into my condo, turned on the hot water, washed my face, and then washed his face, while Gene clung to me like the previous bad feeling hadn’t disappeared. When I saw how upset he was, I wanted to take all of those feelings and move them to myself instead.
My thumb moved slowly, brushing over his red eyelids.
Seeing Gene’s expression, I couldn't help but demand. "Don't cry again."
"Well, when I thought you were angry and annoyed, I couldn’t help but cry," he mumbled.
I knew that Gene was already crying over heartbreak. It's not that men couldn’t cry. I’d seen Gene cry while watching TV. Or cry when adjusting his mood while writing a sad scene in a novel. But Gene crying because of me set every nerve in my chest on fire.
I didn’t want him to cry because of me ever again.
Gene asks if Nubsib is angry with him. Nubsib admits he was at first because he didn’t want Gene to feel bad while thinking of others over himself.
Gene quickly starts listing excuses and Nubsib says it’s fine because Gene was right, Nubsib was being selfish. But if he has to choose between making fans feel bad and making his lover feel bad, he’ll be selfish every time.
“Our love story is selfish, Gene, and that’s okay. Don’t worry. I never intended to renew the contract.”
Nubsib tells Gene that he agreed to two big projects without a romantic partner in exchange for reducing the amount of time on his contract.
Nubsib says that they just need to be responsible for the remaining time on his contract. They don’t have to breakup. He asks Gene what he wants to do and Gene admits that he doesn’t want to break up with Nubsib.
Nubsib apologizes for making Gene cry.
Gene hugs Nubsib and apologizes too, because he didn’t listen to Nubsib or consult with him.
They go to sleep. When Nubsib wakes up Gene is sweating and delirious because he hasn’t been eating or sleeping correctly.
Nubsib wipes him down and tries to feed him as he best he can.
Gene never gets sick like this and it makes Nubsib’s chest tight. He feels like this is his fault.
He spoons Gene while he sleeps and wants him to get better. He’d rather see Gene’s cute cheeks cursing at him, than red and ill like this.
Nubsib keeps watch all night, and calls a nurse to inject Gene and treat him.
Tum comes over to discuss the new contract and Nubsib tells him to soften his voice and not make any unnecessary noise.
Nubsib is annoyed and wants to leave the entire time and when Tum is finally done he says, “Okay, you can go take care of your wife now.”
Nubsib gets porridge and goes into Gene’s room. He’s awake now and sitting up. He looks cute and soft, and much more awake.
Now that he’s more conscious, Gene tries to eat by himself but Nubsib won’t let him. Gene wants to bathe himself, but Nubsib says he’ll wipe Gene himself.
Gene says, “But you haven’t even slept?” and Nubsib says, “If Khun Gene isn’t okay, I can’t sleep.”
Nubsib undresses Gene and bathes him. Gene is still embarrassed and Nubsib asks, “Why? I’ve seen it all, and often.”
Gene admits that he’s glad he has Nubsib there to take care of him.
Nubsib wants to keep this moment frozen in time.
Count 31
It’s late so Gene tells Nubsib he has to leave.
He gets his laptop and tries to go but Nubsib grabs his hand and begs Gene to stay. Gene has gone back to his condo four nights in a row (to avoid fans seeing him leave Nubsib’s condo in the morning) but Nubsib wants to hold and squeeze Gene just for one night.
Gene says Nubsib knows they can’t and Nubsib says fine, then he’ll call a construction worker to come and destroy the wall between their condos. Gene can’t tell if he’s joking until he laughs.
Then he says that he’s being serious because he can’t deal with this anymore. Gene is shocked until Nubsib says, “Gene do you realize I’m messing with you?”
Gene kisses Nubsib and runs back to his condo before he can do anymore.
Gene admits to himself that he did indulge the first few nights when he was sick. He played up his illness more so he could stay in Nubsib’s room longer than necessary. But now he doesn’t want to be weak. He has to endure the rest of the contract and be good.
Gene didn’t even realize he was that distraught over their separation until he cried in front of Nubsib. He remembers Nubsib’s upset expression, and he knows that it’s equally hard for both of them.
Gene receives LINE messages from Tum who asks him if he’s going to the last event of the series. Gene wants to show he’s a good sport so he says yes.
Gene received a LINE from Nubsib telling him: Don’t just message people on LINE. Go to sleep. He wonders how Nubsib even knew.
Gene wakes up and dresses before going to the event at the university.
He sees Nubsib but can’t approach him because of the public setting, so he sits with Tum.
Aey comes up to Gene and asks if he’s watched the series yet and if he thinks Aey is cute. He tries to touch Gene’s cheeks but Nubsib interrupts and tells Aey to sit next to him instead of bothering Gene.
Gene sits with Tum and watches them wrap up their work until it’s the end of the day and all that’s left is the closing party. Gene goes to the bathroom and fixes his hair with some hair gel.
"You’re dressing up like this?”
Listening to his fierce voice, I raised my eyebrows, confused.
"Why? Is my hair so ugly?"
"Not ugly. But it’s like you’re trying to provoke somebody."
I almost choked on my saliva. “No, I’m just going to a party so I have to look good. I want my pictures to be cool. "
"Just looking good at home is enough."
"If I just look good at home, who will see it?"
"I’m jealous."
"..." My hand stopped, my gaze immediately looking at Nubsib.
Nubsib asks if Gene has time to do him too. Gene says Nubsib looks good enough but he does his hair and wipes him down with cold water as best he can in the bathroom.
Nubsib says Gene can’t pass because he looks too cute and Gene says he’s the only one that would think such a thing.
Tum is waiting for them outside once they finish getting ready.
He drives them to the restaurant where the party is. Gene tells Nubsib that he can drink since his exams are done and Nubsib tells Gene that Gene shouldn’t drink, or Nubsib won’t sleep tonight.
Gene is confused about what he means until Nubsib reminds him of what he did to him last time.
They’re forced to sit separately because Gene is a writer and Nubsib is an actor. The whole team is there, sitting at four long tables with a stage at the front of the restaurant where a big TV is mounted and showing their show.
Gene gets jealous when he sees a woman taking a selfie with Nubsib cheek to cheek, and Tum reminds him to stop looking at him in public.
Tum takes them back to their condo, but when Gene goes into his unit Nubsib slips inside. He asks Gene if he’s jealous, and Gene denies it. Nubsib says that if Gene is jealous of others, then he’s happy.
Gene begrudgingly admits that he is jealous and Nubsib laughs. He says that when the series is over he’ll take a thousand selfies with Gene.
Gene hates that he can’t help how he feels. Today was a big milestone for Nubsib, and he wanted to celebrate with him by taking a lot of selfies together, but he couldn’t.
Nubsib says that in the mean time, they can take pictures that people won’t see.
He pulls Gene closer for a selfie, but surprises him by kissing him deeply and with tongue. Nubsib keeps the camera in focus the entire time, which embarrasses Gene.
Nubsib pushes Gene to lie down and says that this is just right, if Gene is going to dress like that.
105 notes · View notes
eyoricka · 3 years
Text
Secret dating - Pete Davidson x singer!reader
First thing, I am sorry for my rather long absence I was moving to another country and way to stress. But now I have to spend ten days in quarantine so I will try to catch up and write all the asks I received in the meantime. So sorry for the delay and I hope the waiting will worth it!!
Also this is the first part of a small series about Pete x singer!reader because I had few asks on this theme! Hope you will enjoy
 Words: 1600+
Warning: none I guess
Tumblr media
You had been dating Pete for few months. You decided to keep it low profile. It wasn’t really a secret; your friends and families were aware that you were together but you didn’t want the whole world to know. You had seen Pete’s debacle with his exes, and he witnessed yours. You both agreed to not to make it public this soon since you wanted to avoid paps, gossips articles, harassment online and to hear everybody’s opinion. You were surprised that no one caught the two of you or speculated on your relationship. Maybe the both of you being friends for years, evolving within the same circle of people helped you. When people saw the two of you strolling, getting ice cream together, no magazines titled about how cute this date was but rather on how good it was for you to have such good friends in your life.
These past couple of weeks, it had been hard to spend some quality time with Pete. You had to flew to LA to assist to the Grammys and you missed your boyfriend so much through out the ceremony. You wished that you could have hold his hands during the stressful waiting, kissed him when you heard your name, thanked him when you gave your acceptance speech or feel his hand drawing absurd figure in your back to relax you while you were waiting to perform. Then after going back to New York, you hadn’t had that much time. Your publicist had packed you with interviews and gigs during late night shows. It was tiring but worth it. Your career was on a clear path to success. You were finally considered as not another pop star but one of the biggest artists out there. Pete was so supportive of you. You lived for his lovely text messages to give you strength before each performance or his compliments on how beautiful you looked on TV, how smart your answers were, how funny you were during an interview game.
You had eventually managed to find an afternoon just for you and Pete. You enjoyed a home-cooked meal at his place and could help but melt every time he was laughing while recounting his week. You simply spend the rest of the afternoon watching cartoons. It was your way to decompress together. Pete would always prepare some snacks while you set everything up. Then you would lose at least ten minutes to choose which cartoons or movies to watch. You usually had long debate on whether SpongeBob was better than Scooby-doo. Pete would always take you in his arms while you were watching, peppering your neck with kisses and smelling your hair. He liked the smell of your shampoo arguing that it reminded him of happiness. That was so cliché and yet so adorable, you couldn’t make fun of this cheesiness.
You were slowly falling asleep engulfed by Pete’s warmth, this was cozy, it felt like home. Suddenly, you heard your phone buzzed and sighed. It was your agent, asking you where you were to pick you up to go an interview. You texted her your address while you looked for something to put on for the TV. You liked very much the clothes you had on but you doubted that their shades would be nice on camera. As you were researching the perfect outfit in underwear, trying on several combo, you congratulated yourself for letting some clothes at your boyfriend’s place. You were hesitating between two tops and asked Pete’s opinion. After a quick joke on how good you looked in underwear and that you probably should go like this, he made up his mind for the baby blue top.
You rushed outside to be picked by your team but not before sharing a sweet but passionate kiss with Pete and agreeing to spend the night at your place after the show. Your team smiled at you knowingly as you entered the car but they didn’t make any comment on your relationship. You discussed the show, the possible questions and what the best answers would be… The ride was pretty quiet after that and you soon arrived at the building where the show was taped. You were warmly welcomed by the host. You had already done some interviews with him, he was easy to talk to, always made you comfortable and was rather fun to be around. He lead you to the make-up artist trailer who didn’t fail to notice your tired look but promised you that it was nothing than a bit of foundation and powder could hide. Indeed, after only 15 minutes there you were glowing, looking fresh, like a fairytale princess leaving her bed.
As you were waiting to be called on stage, you received a message from Pete telling you that he was excited to see you on the show, that no matter what you were the best and that he was eager to see you tonight to finish the nap you had started together. You quickly replied before entering the stage. The interview went rather smoothly. You had begun with questions about your last album and upcoming project teasing a possible collab with Taylor Swift. The crowd went wild at this info and you knew that you would certainly end up in top tweets. After a commercial, you played a game with the host where you had to sing a random song imitating another artist. Clearly, it was not your forte, but you were funny enough to make it a good moment to watch. Then, you proceeded to answers some more interrogations from the public that could be found on social media. Those questions were a lot more personal and globally more focused on your art, compositions, writing skills, inspiration. You were passionate, your eyes were big with enthusiasm and you did a lot of gesture with your hand with made the host smile.
You were so happy that when a question about your dating life came up, you didn’t think twice before saying “Well I am the luckiest person, I have my dream career and dating Pete Davidson is just the cherry on the top, you know. He is just so perfect for me, like me understand and support each other, it just so great when you can share all those moments with someone you love and trust.” As you finished your rant, you noticed how the host was staggered. You finally realized what you had revealed and blushed furiously. “Did you just announce publicly that you are dating SNL cast member Pete Davidson?”. It was like words were dying in your throat and you envisioned Pete’s reaction at this. Surely it was not how you had planned to go public. You nodded shyly and the show stopped there. The host thanks the audience who was visibly thrilled, and you made your way backstage. You compulsively checked your phone every five seconds waiting for a text from your now very public boyfriend. But none came and it was worse. You felt so bad, you never wanted to put him in such a position, you were not sure that he was ready to go public, face the world’s reaction but here you were because you couldn’t keep your mouth shut.
Your team drove you back to your place assuring you that it was okay, he couldn’t be mad at you for this but actually he legitimately could. They insist that you should check your social media, people were very supportive of you, saying that you were so cute together, goals… however you didn’t think that it was a good idea right now, you head spinning with the prospect to face Pete.
You silently entered your house waiting for Pete to arrive, a huge lump in your stomach. You felt so guilty, obviously you had to ruin everything, didn’t you. You were in your kitchen drinking a hot cocoa to calm your nerve when you heard Pete unlocked your front door with his spare keys. You didn’t dare to approach him and let him come in the room, your hands shaking so bad that you had spilled some hot beverage on it. You didn’t really feel the burning sensation, you were too scared of what he would say. To make it even more torturing he remained silent as he glanced at you. he eventually approached you and put away your cup as he took your injured hand in his. He put it under cold water and you let him do it, not understanding what was happening. “Do you think that I hate you or that I am angry at you for making it public without talking about it first?” he stated more than questioned as he stood behind you with his hand on yours. “Yes” you sighed looking down. He made you turned to face him and since you were still not looking at him, he put gently his hand on your face and lift it up. His face was so calm and soft, not what you were expecting at all. “I don’t mind, I mean sure it would have been better to discuss it and find a way together to announce it but you didn’t did on purpose. You were just so excited and you didn’t really think of it so I can’t blame you. I certainly would have done the same. Also, how I can be mad at someone who is so cute and so adorable when talking about me. You know what you say about us, it means a lot to me, a lot more than you can imagine. I love you, okay, and I don’t care if the whole world knows as long as you know it.” He smiled down at you and brushed away some tears that you hadn’t realize where rolling down your face. He cusped your cheeks and kissed your forehead as you buried yourself in his shirt.
195 notes · View notes
astranva · 4 years
Text
Power BFFs.
// masterlist //
Word Count: 2.1k
Category: Fluff best friend!harry, best friend!reader
Warning: None!
Summary: In which Harry’s best friend is a hijabi blogger and they’re everyone’s bffs’ goals.
Bonus: Instagram posts!
..
Tumblr media
For as long as you lived, you have always been into fashion. You were the kid who chose to wear pink with orange long before Taylor Swift’s dress was the new cool, always one whom family went to for advice when it came to putting outfits together.
Hell, if someone could pay you for the times your mom was on the phone with your aunt or a friend and you heard her tell them “Y/N can help you with putting the clothes together! She studies fashion. Yeah, not a doctor but she’s doing a good job” you would be a billionaire.
You remember how shocked your parents were when you told them that you wanted to switch majors. How could they not when you told them that you decided to leave med school for fashion?
But you wouldn’t have taken the step if it weren’t for your longtime best friend – Harry.
You and Harry have been best friends for as long as you could remember, having had been your friend long before you even wore the hijab and you remember when you were 16 after deciding to wear it, having sat him down one day and explained to him what it meant.
He has always been supportive of you, and you, of him. You lost count of how many times you had helped him with his wardrobe choices, and every time he was more thankful that he had someone who was daring with fashion and saw it as he did; a form of expression.
You had a good relationship with his fans long before you decided to enter the fashion blogging world, and maybe fans liked you more because of how carefree and natural you were and how innocent and supportive your friendship with Harry looked. Hell, he talked about you whenever he mentioned his family and if that said anything, it would be that he saw you a Styles, a sister.
It was always fun whenever you styled Harry for an appearance, only so the both of you could sit back and watch their tweets and comments, always freaking out and gushing over how good he looked because of your fashion choices, adding memes along the way.
“How does that look?” You asked him, holding a dress on a hanger of you, looking down at the vibrant green color.
Harry, with 3 shopping bags in his hands and his eyeglasses on, shifted his weight on one leg before bringing his finger to his chin and he looked at the dress. “Think it makes your skin look a little dull, not pop.”
“You think so?” You mumbled as you moved to a mirror, nodding, “You’re right. God, I hate green.”
He chuckled, “No you don’t.”
“Olive green is nice, when we’re talking about trousers and skirts but tops and dresses? No, thanks. Looks good on you though, you lucky bastard.”
“Watch out, you’re looking a little green now, love.” Harry teased, a dimpled smile on his face.
“Oh, shut up, I’m not jealous of you.” You scoffed jokingly, fixing your headscarf to avoid looking at him, “Maybe a little.” You added, laughing quietly as Harry laughed.
“I think they have a beige one, hold on.” Harry’s eyebrows were furrowed in concentration as he looked around before walking towards a rack, searching through the colors of dresses for the one color he knew his best friend loved. “Ha!” Harry smiled in triumph as he reached the color, getting your size before holding it out for you.
You sighed in relief, “You are an angel. Sometimes.”
Harry rolled his eyes at you with a chuckle, handing you the dress before you both agreed to pay and head somewhere to have dessert for a treat.
You smiled at the cashier, watching as her eyes widened as she looked from Harry to you. “How are you?” You asked politely.
“Oh my God. Y-You’re-“ She looked at you before looking at Harry who smiled at her, too, “And you’re-“
“And you’re Sasha. Hi, Sasha.” You giggled, reading her name from her tag, “You know this goof?” You joked, pointing at Harry, “Was following me everywhere here,” you cupped a hand around your mouth, though still speaking at a tone louder than a whisper, “Think he’s a bit of a creep.”
“Hey!” Harry whined but laughed, “Don’t listen to her, love. She’s only doing that because I look better in green.”
It wasn’t unusual for you and Harry to tease each other, and it wasn’t new either that you did it in front of people. Perhaps it’s why people enjoyed being around the both of you together.
“You’re both adorable,” the girl laughed, finally calming from her moment, “I’m a huge fan of the both of you. And Y/N, congratulations on your new collaboration with Tommy Hilfiger. I think it’s amazing that you’re helping in representing more people in the industry.”
Your mischievous expression changed to a softer one, your hand going to your heart as your eyes twinkled.
“Right? Bloody talented that one is.” Harry smiled proudly as he glanced down at you, “Making history as she goes.”
“Aw, stop it, you two. I’m going to cry.” You cooed, “Thank you, Sasha. This means the world to me. Think this made my entire week.”
“It’s no problem,” she beamed, “I wouldn’t let you pay if I owned the store but…” she frowned.
“Hey, no. It’s your right. We all have bills to pay and as much as it would be nice, favors don’t really pay the rent.” You smiled with a shrug, handing her the money.
“Okay, true.” Sasha agreed, packing your dress before handing you the bag. “It was amazing meeting the both of you.”
“You think it’s okay if we get a picture together?” You asked before looking at Harry, “Can you take a picture of us?”
“Yeah, of course.”
“Oh my God,” Sasha fanned herself before letting out a deep breath, shakily handing Harry her phone, “This is the best day I have ever lived in since I started working here.”
You giggled at that, watching her move from behind the cashier before she reached you. The both of you stood beside each other, you wrapping both arms around her as you smiled, her beaming as Harry took the picture – he took 3, just in case the girl didn’t like one of them – before you reached your hand out.
“Here, let me take your picture.” You said, taking the phone from Harry before exchanging places so you can snap a picture of him and the girl together.
As if to tease you, Harry made the same pose as yours, causing you to roll your eyes before you jokingly told him to “be original” to which he wrapped one arm around Sasha while the other was close to his face as he threw a peace sign – a classic Harry pose.
After hugging Sasha goodbye, you and Harry were on your way to his car to go somewhere else to have dessert and maybe spill the latest tea like you always did.
“I’m not so sure about working with them,” You said after taking a sip from your smoothie, resting your chin on your hand as you talked about a brand that had reached you for a collab, “Think they want it so they can look cool, you know? They don’t really care about the message or the representation of hijabi women and I just don’t want to get treated like the next cool trend and hey! Bonus for having a rockstar best friend. It’s ridiculous.”
Harry’s arms were crossed on the table, face showing concentration as he listened intently and nodded in understatement. “I get it. Sorry about that, love,” he sighed, “Wish I can do something about it. Feel helpless when I can’t seem to find any solution to offer.”
“Harry,” you rolled your eyes, “You’ve done enough for people. Besides, you’re growing and learning. This is the best solution.”
“Yeah?” He asked reluctantly, “Just sucks whenever I find the shit they write to you online. Don’t know how you do it.”
“What? Getting told that I’m oppressed even though it was my choice and the racist comments?” You chuckled a little, “Got bothered by it enough already. Just sick of justifying my choices. It’s like,” you thought before your eyebrows went up before pointing at him, “It’s like people with you and how you dress. The mean comments about your choices and the head-scratching comments about why you wear nail polish.”
“Took me long enough to feel comfortable in my skin.” Harry admitted, sighing with a shake of his head, “Wish people would just let people be.”
You shrugged, “Mean people are everywhere, it’s mostly about not letting yourself be one now. I actually feel like we’re at a time when people are unlearning most shit they blindly followed by older generations, the racism, the sexism, the double standards. This is generation is just,” you smiled, “It’s phenomenal, don’t you think?”
Harry joined in, giving you a smile and a nod, “It is. I’m where I am because of all these young people. Music legends are legends and are basically worshipped because of all the young women of their days. Sometimes I can’t even wrap my head around how societies belittle these people so much.”
“Right? They care more about shaping them than helping them unleash all this potential. It’s why they’re so angry sometimes, but so driven. Like, they had enough of silence and are now taking matters in their own hands.” You said, “But to be honest, it’s can be kind of sad sometimes.”
“How so?” Harry asked, sipping his smoothie.
“Like now you have people as young as 13 doing what world leaders should be doing. Really young people trying to teach older people why sexism is wrong and how they can help the Black Lives Matter movement and why they should. They shouldn’t be defending rights and protesting and dying, they should be worrying about their moms not cutting the crust off of their toasts or maybe some high school crushes. But it has to be done, you know? And if world leaders are staying silent, somebody needs to change that even if they’re only 13 for the love of God.”
That was the thing about yours and Harry’s friendship. While you both bickered like children all the time, you also always had heart-to-heart conversations that you couldn’t have with anyone and everyone. It was always comforting.
There were times when you didn’t agree with each other but it was never embarrassing or immature, you’d both state your point of views and find common grounds. It was never about winning an argument because you never could call it an “argument”, just a talk.
“How’s the tour rescheduling going?” You asked, the both of you drifting to another conversation.
//
Tumblr media
harrystyles: Proud of you. Always.
..
fan0 CRYING
fan1 power bffs don’t @ me
fan2 are they dating? pls say yes
↳ fan3 when will people stop ruining friendships with shit like that?
yourinstagram are u sick?
↳ fan4 me when my family is nice to me
↳ fan5 me when my friends invite me to places
↳ harrystyles …
yourinstagram you know it all, H. you’re the best best friend anyone could ever wish for. cool photographer too. ❤❤❤
↳ fan7 HE TOOK THAT PICTURE HE’S SO TALENTED
↳ fan8 Hélène Pambrun who? We only know ✨Harry Styles✨
↳ yourinstagram don’t do my girl Hélène dirty like that
annetwist Looking beautiful! 😘
↳ fan8 I love this friendship sm
↳ yourinstagram says you! miss you loads xx
Tumblr media
yourinstagram: harry out here looking like mr. pringles on a sour cream & onion can and i love it
..
fan0 HAHAH DEAD
fan1 ADHQWJDIEFIGHEFH HONTENT
fan2 y/n taking the piss at harry is my favorite thing
fan3 10 years of y/n giving us the hontent we need and deserve
↳ yourinstagram happy to provide
user aren’t muslims not allowed to drink wine?? why is harry holding one and why are YOU taking a picture of it? Lol
↳ fan4 leave her alone
↳ fan5 you know she’s free to do anything she wants, right?
↳ yourinstagram this is the amazing chef Massimo Bottura’s dark cherry balsamic vinegar but go off
↳ fan6 ENDED
fan7 This friendship makes me sleep better at night
harrystyles Is this because I look good in green?
↳ fan8 AJDGFKJWOI SHOW OFF
↳ fan9 I love them so much
↳ yourinstagram i dislike you sometimes
↳ fan10 ^ me because harry won’t release studio versions of medicine and anna
↳ harrystyles Love you, too.
Tumblr media
 yourinstagram: silky
..
fan0 LOOKS LIKE HARRY’S OUTFIT FROM TOUR IN NETHERLANDS
fan1 imagine looking like that
fan2 this is an au where harry is a hijabi woman
[harrystyles liked this comment.]
↳ fan3 OH MY GOD HE LIKED
↳ fan4 he: confirmed
harrystyles A look.
↳ fan5 I want to thank the queen y/n for teaching harry online lingo
569 notes · View notes
lovelycheollie · 3 years
Text
Back Home
“I believe that all of our lives we’re looking for home and if we’re really lucky, we find it in someone’s loving arms. I think that’ what life is-coming home.”  –Anita Krizzan
Words: 2512
Hi there! It’s been years, and I’ve been attracted to embrace my Carat side again! I hope everyone’s doing fine, despite of the pandemic we’re experiencing right now. I decided to create a Vernon fic for the reason that I missed my mutuals, especially @chillihansol ((she’s still a Vernon stan how constant I am jelly!)) I hope you guys enjoy this read! My ask is always open for requests 
Tumblr media
 “This is ridiculous,” you mumbled to yourself, staring at the white cyber abyss in front of you. The laptop screen showed nothing but a blank document, a pile of notebooks unevenly stacked to your right. Your chin rested on the top of your palm while you tried your best to think of something that may make you start on your assignment. So much on learning online, you could only rely on yourself and on the urge of just simply finishing and passing whatever needs to be submitted.
It was early in the morning, and supposedly you were to have a hearty breakfast while thinking of ways to somehow cope with the academic stress you were feeling. Even if you were stuck inside your room, you at least knew how to have fun despite being by yourself, may it be simply listening to your favorite song, or cook something easy. While you strolled towards the kitchen, you heard your phone ring and you were being summoned to an online meeting with your classmates. Your to-do checklist was filled again with some assignments meant to be passed on the next day. Staring at the list alone removed the motivation in you to work on your pancakes, and the weather outside could only join you in your tired state.
So there you were, sitting on the office chair and struggling to find the single word that will push you forward to work on your assignment. No word you’ve thought is good enough for the first sentence. Oh how much you’ve hated going through a writer’s block. Deep inside, you just wanted to cram on the homework and sleep your troubles away, but then again, you just really wanted to get rid of everything and just relax without worrying.
As you decided to brew another cup of coffee, someone knocked on your door, which almost caused you to drop your favorite mug onto the floor. You dragged your feet towards the doorway, eyebrows knitted together and eyes ready to glare on whoever was brave enough to bother you early in the morning. But as soon as you saw Vernon flashing a toothy grin, the eyebrows separated, the glare turned into a loving pair of eyes, and your feelings were everywhere. After months of not seeing each other, Vernon was in the flesh, and was already making your morning better.
“’Sup Y/N,” he said, placing his face mask in his bag and removing his white sneakers. You took the time to gawk at his pink sweater and jeans, while still being mentally at awe at his sudden presence. You heard him chuckle a bit as he welcomed himself in the room. “What’s the mug for?”
You rose the mug near to your face, stepping away from the door. “Ah, well, I was brewing coffee. I wasn’t really expecting a visitor, let alone your face.”
“Kind of mean, but I understand.” He lifted the messenger bag and showed you the contents. He had store-bought meat buns, bottled coffee and milk tea, some chips and biscuits stacked inside the bag. Vernon showed another smile which made your heart throb a bit. “I figured you would be stressed today, so I brought the good stuff.”
“How did you even ‘figure out’?”
“You tweeted last night, and you know me. If practice is over then I do the second best thing.”
“Which is?”
“I check your tweets because I’m such a great friend,” he replied to you as he found himself sitting on a bean bag. Vernon placed the goods on the coffee table and stood up again, joining you in the kitchen to get some glasses and plates. He was always like this in your room; he felt like he was at home, especially when he was with you.
Placing the plates on the table, he proceeded to fill the glasses with the coffee and tea, then looked at you and patted the bean bag next to him. You could only roll your eyes while removing the ice tray from the fridge. As you sat beside him, he dug his teeth on the meat buns and let out a satisfactory hum. He found himself at peace, with you alone, and with some convenience store goods. But before you could even copy him, you remembered you had an assignment to start on. The pain of standing up again to grab your laptop was bothersome, and the temptation to relax has strengthened itself.
While chewing on a hearty bite, Vernon took a short glance on the empty online document, then to your struggling fingers, then back to the screen again. He could tell that you were just not having it, the motivation in you to study was missing.  Remembering on how he welcomed himself inside, he couldn’t help but feel a little bit guilty. “I can see you’re pretty busy. Did I come at the wrong time?”
“What? Oh no, it’s okay! You actually came at a good time,” you tucked your hair behind your ear, his sight fixated on your fingertips. A sigh escaped your lips as you finally typed some words on the keyboard. “I just needed a small push to start on this one.”
“How many assignments do you have?”
“I got two, plus this one, so three,” you stopped and looked at him, seeing a bit of sauce on the side of his lips. With your motherly instinct, you wiped the sauce off with your thumb and then wiped it on a tissue paper. Before it could even sink in your thoughts as you continued to type, Vernon was flabbergasted. Yes, he knew you were a bit motherly to your friends, but he wasn’t aware that you had the gull to touch someone else’s face. He could feel the blood rush to his cheeks, and he was just trying his best not to let you know how your simple gesture made him feel giddy. The troubles of having a crush on a friend was very much real for this man.
Despite being busy on working as an idol, Vernon would always find time to be with you, as the two of you were close friends. He despised the thought of only being friends with you until the two of you reached adulthood, and he was so sure that he wouldn’t let the two of you stay as friends. But then, even if he finds himself in the perfect situation, the courage to muster up the feelings and confess to you was still a hard mission for him to do. Simply put, he was just crushing on you so badly.
And so, the feelings were put in the lyrics he would sing. They would be seen in the steps he would do onstage. You weren’t that naïve; you can feel that Vernon was signaling something to you. However, you didn’t want to simply assume that this charismatic friend of yours was trying to be more than friends. Hence, you and Vernon are still friends, up to this day.
“Do you want me to help you?” he stammered while trying to act as normal as he can, which you could see, was failing. Seeing him like that, you were starting to feel jittery as well. Your fingers kept pressing backspace from the typing mistakes. The two of you were now facing the same dilemma: how to act properly beside the person you’ve been liking for months.
You cleared your throat and sipped from your glass. Opening the packet of biscuits, you munched on a piece and continued on your homework. “No, I’m okay. I know you’ve been busy, so you should just relax and let me do my own thing.”
“Are you sure Y/N? You know I could help you.”
“Yes, I’m definitely sure. And what you should be doing is resting because I know you’d be pretty busy by tomorrow.”
  Then it became silent, with only the rustling of the plastic bags and your fingers typing making the noise. Vernon continued to slip a glance on your work from time to time, and you just did whatever you were doing, despite feeling the heavy weight of his glare. Sometimes, you would catch him looking at you, and he would just give you a goofy grin, and that would be enough for you to punch him lightly on his arms.
 As you were reaching the final paragraph of your paper, you felt the urge of chewing something. The last piece of biscuit was across the table, and sadly, you couldn’t rely on your own to reach it. Luckily, beside you was Vernon who had long, slender arms, who busied himself with his mobile games. It was time for you to have him do something.
 “Hey Vernon?” you said, eyes glued once again to the monitor.
Vernon paused his game and turned his head to you. “Yeah?”
“Can you pass me the last biscuit? I can’t reach it,” you spoke charmingly, giggling in your head. You were expecting that the biscuit would be placed nearer to you, but your friend wanted revenge to what you did earlier.
Vernon opened the packet and positioned the biscuit in front of your lips. For him, he was doing it simply to lessen your troubles, but to you, it was making you crazy.
“Here you go Y/N,” he spoke, placing the thin, chocolate-flavored biscuit on your lips and licking the rest of the crumbs on his thumb. You were staring with wide eyes as he did so, and when he noticed your surprised look, the thought of his actions hit him on the face. Right now, the two of you were a blushing mess. Panicking for your life, you hurried into finishing the last paragraph of your assignment. There were less mistakes this time as you typed, which felt as an accomplishment to you. You couldn’t dare to look at Vernon with your reddened state, which made you to focus more on your paper.
“Hey Y/N,” he finally spoke as you saved the file. Vernon was simply waiting for your response, sitting beside you while you swallowed your feelings and shut your laptop off. He sat on his knees, eyes staring at you which took you aback. Vernon was serious, and you felt a pang of nervousness to whatever he was thinking. You settled the laptop on the table, and just sat there, thinking of what to say to ease the atmosphere somehow.
“Yes? What is it?”
“Why are we so awkward?” he mumbled, and you made a small laughter as soon as you heard him. Your laughter was music to his ears, and it quickly perked him back to his normal self again.
“I don’t know about you, all I wanted was for you to reach the biscuit, not feed it to me, you dork!”
“You did it first! You wiped the sauce from the corner of my lips!”
You could only blush more while making up words for your rebuttal. “It was my motherly instinct! You did not have to take your revenge on me!”
And while you continued on, Vernon was simply looking at you, adoring your flushed cheeks in the morning light. In his head, you were pretty, even if your face was red, even if you were chatty and embarrassed. His heart was full of you, he knew that he likes you that much. A tiny smirk grew on his lips, which turned into a large smile. Surrendering in defeat, you turned to the other side, bit your lips into one straight line and planted the thought of him smiling at you in the center of your mind.
“Why did you have to be so charming?” you whispered to yourself, making sure that you were the only one who could hear it. You were mistaken though, as Vernon heard it, and kept the butterflies in his stomach.
Vernon’s ringtone broke the silence, and with quaking hands, he answered the call. While he was talking with the caller, you took a piece of paper and wrote something simple on it. Quietly, you sneaked the paper inside his bag, and laughed at yourself. You imagine a laughing Vernon in the middle of the street, with the paper in between his fingers.
“Y/N, our manager called. He said he wanted to meet us all in the dorm,” he told you while fixing his bag and checking his belongings inside. He had a gloomy look imprinted on his face, and you were affected by the sudden news as well. Vernon was going to leave so soon, and it will take a while again to see him and bond with him. “He wants to meet us right now. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay, you’re an idol! You’ll be busy at times and it’s okay! I understand!” you showed a sad smile, which made Vernon ache for a hug with you.
“Don’t you worry! After the meeting, I’ll come back immediately! Lunch will be my treat!” Vernon replied with another grin, lifting his arms to pat you on the head. The two of you walked to the door, and you can’t help but become a little bit greedy to him. Deep inside, you wished that he didn’t have to leave, and that you would spend the whole day with him.
After putting the mask on, he stood up, looking at you once more and poking your head. “Hey, don’t be sad. I’ll be back soon enough!”
You braved yourself to hug him, which startled him a bit. He then hugged you back, his warmth seeping on his clothes to your skin, and his arms tightly wrapped around you. The moment was short-lived, as you backed away from him and returned the smile he’s been giving you. “You better take care of yourself Vernon!”
He opened the door and stayed outside, still holding on to your warmth. Head turning, you were there behind him, in your favorite loungewear, waiting for him to continue ahead. To him, you were the epitome of a home, and he knows that no matter what would happen, he would always come back to you. In the busiest day, or in the darkest night, he would always think of you. You are his home.
While walking along the street, Vernon checked the contents of his bag. He would often check the insides of his bag when he was already outside, a perk he does to secure that he has everything with him. At the bottom corner of the bag, there was a folded paper. He knew the note was yours, as he remembered that you had a small habit of leaving memos in your friend’s belongings. As he opened the note, he found himself running back to your home, knocking on your door and locking you in his arms, embracing you with all of his heart. Vernon thanked his stars, and this stressful morning, as he realized his worries were answered with your sincerity and with your own feelings as well.
“Vernon, even if you run away, always come back home. I love you.”
85 notes · View notes
fallingforboo · 3 years
Text
headcanon : you get online hate
tw: online hate, cyberbullying, etc.
ALL HEADCANONS INVOLVING MINORS ARE MEANT IN A PLATONIC WAY.
wilbur - would be inwardly furious if he ever saw a hate comment towards you or your relationship with him. he would probably tweet something like "if you hate y/n or the fact that we're together, unfollow me right now and don't ever call yourself a wilbur fan again. the hate recently has been absolutely disgusting and you should be ashamed of yourselves." if it was really bad, he would probably make a youtube video on it too.
technoblade - would immediately take to twitter, making a short but very simple statement of "the hate against my relationship with y/n is not only stupid but also completely unwarranted. if you can't accept that we're together, unsubscribe." and somehow, just that would be enough to make it mostly stop.
dreamwastaken - is no stranger to drama and being cancelled (people are just constantly on this man's ass, damn), so would just put out a tweet like "if you hate y/n because we're dating, leave. this is why people think the fandom is toxic." he might make a short video about it, going into more depth, but i think he would keep it short and not so sweet.
georgenotfound - probably wouldn't even notice until you told him about it one day, at which point he would probably go live to make a stream about it. and it would definitely scare people how calm and cold his tone would be, as he just ripped into the fandom, generally making people feel completely ashamed of their actions. after, he would probably apologise to you on behalf of his fans.
karl jacobs - would be incredibly disappointed in the fandom. he would tweet something like "i have never been so disappointed in my fandom. the hatred i have seen towards y/n recently is disgusting, especially because the only problem you have with them is that we're dating. if you hate them for that, please unfollow me, and stop calling yourself a karl fan. you are not a karl fan." and people would feel awful. also, he would baby you for the next month.
sapnap - would be livid. he would probably go live immediately, and might even start yelling at his chat. "how dare you call my partner horrible things because they're dating me? have you lost your minds? because incase it has slipped past you, i'm a grown man and i can love whoever i want! who i'm dating is not yours to decide, and if you've got a problem, get out of my chat." after, he would absolutely cuddle with you, angrily muttering about how they were all wrong about you.
tommyinnit - would also start yelling. he would see a horrible message that had escaped the mods while live and just rip into that person, "you dare to come into my chat and disrespect y/n like that? if anyone here has a problem with them, get out of chat and stay far, far away from me and my friends. we don't want you here." and no one would say anything bad about you for a while, seeing how protective he was.
tubbo - would be calm over tweet, but would be going absolutely feral in real life. "hey twitter, let's stop the hate towards y/n for no good reason. they've done nothing to warrant it and things like this can be really damaging." versus irl, in a call probably with ranboo and you, where he's just yelling and ranting about how twitter is disgusting and toxic. the juxtaposition would probably make you laugh.
ranboo - would be terrifyingly serious when he saw someone say a horrible thing about you in chat. "hey, who made you think that was okay to say? this is my chat, and you will all respect y/n, okay? and if that's too hard, you can leave." and no more would be said about it. i doubt he would even mention it to you, unless he knew you were watching at the time.
quackity - would go off one one as soon as he saw it, even if he was doing a bit at the time. any negative comment about you that he sees, he will not hesitate to let that person know exactly how he feels. "what the fuck, [username]. get out of my chat if you're going to be rude about y/n, i don't want to see that and neither do the rest of chat. they haven't done anything wrong, so shut up."
30 notes · View notes
Text
Daminette Rough Layout AU #1
Warning- This is a Salt AU, it contains Lila salt, Adrien Salt, Alya Salt and Class Salt. Some of the Salt is dramatized, pkease read at your own digression.
Note- Changing things up a bit-they are in high school now-Damian 16 and Marinette 15 and juniors, obviously things are different from canon. Gabriel gave up both miraculous after Adrien dies in one of the akuma fights, he has Nooroo and Duusu bring them to the guardian. Marinette helps heal Duusu so that if he is ever used again the holder will not start to die. Soon after Master Fu takes back Adrien's miraculous and names Marinette the guardian.
He doesnt lose his memories but he does pass away a week later. Marinette also deletes her original website and makes and entire new one under MDC designs after Lila threatens to leave bad reviews.(This happens before she meets Damian, right when they are entering high school.)
They met online after Damian got tired of his brothers making fun of him for talking like an old man. He found Marinette on Twitter, (She has a very popular Twitter blog where she Tweets in English and is considered a meme god.) and after reading her tweets decided that she'd be a good teacher.
After reaching out they agreed on how much she'll be paid and a time that works best for both of them. Every Monday & Wednesday the video chat when Damian has his lunch and study period. For Damian it is 12 to 1 pm, and for Marinette it is 7 to 8 pm. After two months Marinette has successfully made Damian her friend, and he has began opening up to her more. Meanwhile Damian begins to mess with his brothers using memes.
Tim to Jason- I will die if I don't get coffee soon.
Damian passing by the kitchen on his phone- Then perish.
Jason-...Did he just?
Tim- Impossible.
_____________
Dick over the coms while on patrol-I really want candy right now.
Damian drops down next to him and pulls a tidepod of of his belt giving it to Dick before continuing on.
Dick-What the fuck...
Tim having seen from a distance-What did Damian give you candy?
Dick- He gave me a tidepod.
Jason-Your shitting me Goldie.
______________
Jason-What are you eating Damian?
Damian taking a bite of a pop tart- Ravioli...
Jason-Im going fucking crazy.
Alfred-Language Master Jason.
They now text each other durning their free time, Marinette loves receiving pictures of Damian's pets and silly pictures of Damian's friend Jon. Damian loves seeing pictures of her newest designs and Paris at night.
Jon is the only person who knows about Marinette and thats because he crashed one of Damian's classes. He gushes over the fact that Damian is talking to his favorite person on Twitter, then full on fanboys a second later when she follows him back on Twitter. Soon after she becomes friends with Jon too, Lila comes back. After two weeks of fighting her she stops after both Damian and Jon point out that if her classmates were really her friends they wouldnt believe someone they just met over her. Marinette stops doing extra things for the class no more free pastries, banners, clothes or anything. She spends majority of her time on school work, her comissions and talking with Damian and Jon.
Madame Bustier at one point asks her to stay after class. She tells her she is disappointed that Marinette is distancing herself form the class so much. Marinette just tells her that she is done, that if she wants a perfect role model then she should use Lila instead and leaves. The next day she tells Madame Bustier she is stepping down as class president, everyone in the class except for Chloe and Marinette vote for Lila. Marinette has had more free time then she has had in a while and is thriving. She is able to take more and more commissions and even allows Jagged and Clara to give other celebrities access to her website. With a push from Jon she also sets up a Twitter and Instagram account under MDC Designs. With in no time everyone is trying to get an MDC original.
At one point she gets a call from Jon asking her how much it would cost for a MDC original for his mom. Marinette smiles softly telling him to just get his moms measurements for her. When he argues she finally agrees to accept payment but gives him a family discount. Jon agrees with a huff, a month later Jon sends her a video of his mom opening his gift.
Lois-Oh Jon love you know you didnt have to get me anything.
Jon-And let Connor out do me this year? No way.
Connor laughing-Oh shut it Jon!
Jon-cone on open it already mom!
Lois lauging before unwrapping the box- Is this? Jon is this a MDC box?
Connor looking at him with wide eyes.
Jon-open it and see!
Clark-So thats why you asked me for her measurements.
Lois pulls a beautiful knee length navy blue pencil dress. It had a classy V neck and flounce bell sleeves Jon is this and MDC original?
Jon-weeell if you look at the inside of the right sleeve your see her signature marking. Thats not all though mom theres another box!
Lois grabs the other box and unwraps it opening it quickly to find a pair of white lace up Oxford pumps with matching navy laces, MDC hand stitched on the back in navy.
Lois-How did you-how did you get MDC originals?
Jon laughing-I'll never tell!
Marinette saves the video on her phone and tells him he wants a photo of her in it for her website. A week later he send her pictures of his mom in the outfit posing with his dad and the next day he send pictures of her posing with Bruce Wayne on the red carpet. She quickly posts them on Instagram and Twitter tagging Lois, Clark, Bruce and Daily Planet.
'I knew Mrs. Lane would make this one of a kind outfit look beautiful! I was happy to make the dress and shoes as a surprise from her son! Mrs. Lane your son has my number, if you ever want another original talk to him! 💋'
Lois immediately responds to her tweet thank her for the amazing gift, while also asking how her son got in contact with MDC.
Marinette- ' 🤫🤫😘😘💋'
Jon-'You'll never know!!'
Lois, with her bosses approval, writes an article joking about the mystery that is MDC at also an interview where she grills her son on how he knows MDC.
Its a blows up and part of Jon's interview becomes a meme. This part;
Jon-Superman, please come save me from my mom!
Marinette being the meme godess she is decides to quote it on Twitter, but she messes up and posts it on MDC desgins.
MDC-Superman, please come save me from these deadlines!
Half an hour later
MDC-That was meant for my personal Twitter...
Now everyone is also talking about MDC memeing.
After talking with the Kwami Marinette decides to tell Damian and Jon about her time as Ladybug, and how she still goes out and patrols to stop muggers. In return one day Damian and Jon flies him and Damian to paris and they finally meet in person and they tell her their own identities. They leave Gotham at 7 am in Gotham and make it to Paris at 3 pm and wait for her outside of her parents bakery. Marinette flips out and practically tackles the both if them in a hug. She pulls them inside happily introducing her parents to her American friends. After they tell her they decide to spend the rest of the day together. Marinette also takes their measurements telling them its for a surprise. Damian tells her that his brothers are obsessed with MDC and how the wouldnt stop hounding Jon when they found out he had gotten in contact with her.
They go out and Marinette shows them Paris while Jon is slowly pushing them together. He is ecstatic when Marinette wraps one of her fingers around Damien's finger and he respond by grabbing and holding her hand. They are all immensly happy until they are passing by a park and notices her class having a party. At first she doesnt care and just shrugs it off, until the class notices them. Alya accuses Marinette of trying to start drama, she rolls her eyes telling Alya she didnt even know about the party and was just showing her friends around. Damian frowns glaring at the class when he feels Marinette hand start to shake and releases her hand wrapping an arm around her waist in support. Jon is also frowning but simply reminds Marinette that they were going out to eat. Marinette nods and begins telling them about the restaurant they were going to while leaning into Damian's side.
They turn leaving the class behind only for Adrien to hurry after them. Adrien tries to convince Marinette to return and spend time with the class saying he missed his friend. Marinette tells him that they arent friends anymore, that friends dont allow lies to be spread about their friends. She takes the boys and they finally make it to the restaurant.
Damian pays refusing to let Marinette or Jon touch the check. They spend the rest of their time at Marinette's house watching movies until they leave at 9pm wishing Marinette goodnight and making it back to Gotham at 3 pm. When they get back to the manor Bruce confronts Damian asking why he got notified that Damian's card had been used in Paris. Thats how Bruce finds out about Marinette.
Bruce- shes been teaching you memes?
Damian-yes.
Bruce-...well at least your making friends.
Damian-dont tell the others, they'll want to meet her and Id rather not be embarrassed
Bruce-I wont say anything until they catch you then.
Around the end of Marinette's junior year Lila accuses Marinette of theft and she is once again expelled. Only this time Marinette gets the school board involved and she is quickly cleared of charges. once again. However she decides not to return to the school tired of their treatment. Instead with the help of Jagged and her parents permission she enrolls at Gotham Academy and doesnt tell Damian to surprise him. Jon does know that way he could help her.
Within the week Marinette is in Gotham in her new penthouse apartment with her new gaurdian, a maid/nanny that Penny had recommended. Her name is Margaery she is in her 60s. The next day Marinette is dropped of at school by Margaery, Jon is already there early and helps her get his schedule and everything. Then they wait for Damian to arrive hiding until the see him open his locker Jon distracts him while Marinette hides behind the locker door. The school is very surprised whe. Damian smiles brightly at seeing her. Within the day she is known around the school as both Sunshine and Gotham's new Goddess.
Soon enough Damian Marinette and Jon are never seen withiut tge other except in classes. Many teachers see Marinette as a blessing classes have been calmer shes always willing to volunteer and shes even started tutoring some of the students. Even though she entered late in the year she starts to help the student council and things were more organized and running smoother. What everyone is really happy about is how she seems to bring out the teen in Damian and encourage him to act his age. The only reason they havent posted about her and Damian's relationship is because Damian made it clear he didnt want his family to know.
He starts calling her Angel and Red Bird. Marinette starts calling him Dove and Birdie. They slowly start going on dates while also making sure to hang out with Jon so he didnt feel left behind. Its the beginning of summer when Marinette gets invited to a Wayne gala by Bruce himself with a little note.
'Miss Dupain-Cheng, I would like to meet the girl that has stolen my youngest's attention. Please do not inform him I invited you, I think it will be quite the surprise for him. -Bruce Wayne
She tells Damian to wear a seafoam green tie because it will bring out his eyes, in a sly way so that they will be matching. She then makes a seafoam green Asymmetrical A-line off the shoulders dress adding layers of tulle that forms teirs and finishes with horsehair hemlines. The MDC signature is stictched on to the second layer of tulle.
The night of the Gala she is dropped off by Margaery and Jon leaves his parents to meet her. She tells him that Damian didnt know either and Bruce wanted to surprise him. Jon starts laughing causing Marinette to dissolve into giggles. This catches Jon's parents eyes and they walk over. Jon wuickly introduces her as one of his best friends. Lois and Marinette quickly hit it off and enter the gala together with Jon and Clark following behind them. After 5 minutes Damian spots them, and discreetly hurries over to them.
Damian-Angel!
Lois and Clark are surprised at the nickname and that Damian is smiling even more surprised when he hugs her and holds her hand gently. They stare into each others eyes for a moment until Lois coughs catching boths attention. Damian greets them as he lets go of Marinette's hand wrapping an arm around her waist as she does the same. They stand talking with each other until Lois spots someone she wants to interview and hurries off with Clark. The three of them share a look before all saying food at once. Jon walks ahead of them as Marinette and Damian follow talking to themselves.
M-'Your father wanted to meet me so Im afraid I will no longer be a secret.'
D-'Of course he did, I was hoping to keep those embarrassments known as my brothers away.'
This causes Marinette to laugh leaning her head on his shoulder.
M-'I am sure they arent that bad.'
They spend a good half hour talking with Jon and eating before Bruce finds them and introduces himself to Marinette. Five minutes later she notices Damian's brothers starring at them in shock. She starts giggling and points it out to Damian who groans. Soon after the boys rush over to interrogate their brother dragging him away from Marinette Jon and Bruce.
While Damian is dealing with them Jagged and Penny both find Marinette. Eventually the boys force Damian to introduce them to Marinette. She hits it off with all of them promising to visit the mansion. Jon convinces Damian to ask Marinette to be his girlfriend. He asks her to dance with him and asks while they are dancing. That night Marinette Damian and Jon leave together for an impromptu sleepover at Marinette's. Margaery picks them up greeting both parents and assuring them that there kids will be safe, and they will be camping out in the living room.
Marinette surprises the boys with handmade pjs once they get to her house and Margaery surprises them with cookies. The next day she goes to the mansion with Damian and gets to know his brothers more piecing together who is who of the Batfamily. At one point Jason insinuates that Marinette couldnt fight so she challenges his to a spar. Jason being cocky holds back and gets his butt kicked, he asks for a rematch and doesnt hold back this time, still gets his butt kicked.
While Damian and Marinette are saying goodbye she jokes about how long its going to take his siblings to realize shes a hero not a civilian. Damian finds it hilarious. When Marinette gets home she tells Margaery that she was going up to the roof to look at the stars for inspiration. Margaery allows her making her take a blanket, hor chocolate and some cookies with her. That night Nightwing lands on her roof and 'startles' causing her to throw her cup at him hitting him in the gut
Robin chuckling-That bitch empty,
Mari and Robin together-Yeet!
Marinette laughs offering him a cookie as Nightwing gets up
Nightwing-Nice throw.
Marinette laughs harder her eyes twinkling.
Mari-Sorry you startled me I must have lost track of time I should head back home now. Have a safe patrol Birdies!
She says before passing other of them leaving the plate of cookies behind for them. Over the summer Marinette and Damian visit her parents for two weeks before returning to Gotham. The rest of the summer is filled with dates between her and Damian the Gotham Gazette is having a field day with them.
They're referred to as the Goddess and the Prince and every date is talked about the next day. When summer is over Marinette Damian and Jon are back for their senior year. Marinette decides to run for student body president and Jon runs as her vice president, they both tease Damian about being the trophy boyfriend and he responds that he is fine with it as long as hes the trophy boyfriend to Marinette. Marinette and Jon win with an almost unanimous vote. It is half way through their senior year when Damian's brothers realize she knows. Bruce and Babs already know. Jason teasingly jokes about Damian outing them to a civilian and Marinette jist goes
Marinette-Jayby(This is her nickname for him), I have beaten you in spars 9 out of 10 times and you still think Im a civilian.
Tim-What?
Marinette sighs before calling Tiki out and transforming. (She has a different outfit. Period. Her hair is pulled into a high ponytail, held by a red ribbon. It has a completely black mask, her top was sleeveless and was a deep red. She had gloves that stopped at her elbows the same deep red but with black poka-dots. Her pants were completely black with a red belt holding her yoyo. Her outfit was finished with red combat boots with black soles.) Everyone is silent as they taken in her outfit.
Damian-God your so beautiful.
Marinette-Aw Dove
Que a sweet kiss where Jason gags jokingly before Tim flips out about her being Ladybug. Marinette jokingly says that he didnt react that way to her being MDC.
Tim-what?
Dick-This time your oulling my leg.
Marinette-You didnt know? I was always giving you guys family discounts.
Tim-Your MDC...my favorite fashion designer is my future sister-in-law. Thats why your commissions always seemed cheaper than others. Im chalant right now.
This causes Dick to burst out laughing.
Dick-Really becuase Im whelmed!
Bruce smiles slightly remembering when his eldest would use to his 'Unwords' all the time.
That night Marinette patrols with them and Gotham gains a new hero LadyBird. With a little shove from Damian and begging from Tim, Marinette begins to grow MDC even more by partnering with Wayne Enterprises. Marinette and Damian are the power couple of the school, they have majority of their classes together both being in AP and Honors classes. As the school president Marinette is notified that during the last quarter of second semester a French class is doing an exchange program at Gotham Academy.
Her and Jon have to escort them around the school the first week. Marinette argues a bit at first.
Mari-I understand that it is important but Jon and I are still heavily working on Prom, Senior's Last Peprally, Senior Awards, Senior vs Freshman Football, Prom King and Queen vote and The Senior trip.
Jon-Mari is right is there anyway we could pick someone else to show them around. There are a few other people in student council that speak French.
They both convince the Principal to allow the Secretary of the Student Council, Candy St.Cloud, to show them around. Marinette, Jon and Damian avoid them, none of Marinette's old class knows Marinette is there until votes for Prom King and Queen pops up and Marinette's name is on the ballet.
Lila bursts into tears claiming her Dami promised her she'd be on the ballet since he goes to that school. They all try to hunt her down and give her shit for booting Lila off. However majority of Gotham academy has noticed their attitude towards Gotham's Goddess and everyone makes sure Marinette is unreachable.
They pretty much only see glimpses of her until Senior's Last Peprally when she and Damian are announced Prom King and Queen. Their boos are covered up by the school's cheers. Marinette and Damian share a quick kiss which causes more cheers as the teachers roll their eyes calling out Pda. Then both her and Jon announce whats going to be happening at the peprally.
At the end of it all the seniors get together for one last class photo in the front is Jon Marinette and Damian. Damian and Marinette are wearing the sashes and crowns and Marinette is in the middle of them. Bustier's class is upset they cant be a part of the picture because they arent actually seniors at the school. The next night is Senior awards the class doesnt go but the trio does.
Marinette and Damian get best couple.
Damian gets the award for best grades.
Jon gets the award for most likely to secede in life.
That night all three are on the news and trending on Twitter when they go out to celebrate at Bat Burger, videos and pictures are posted off Marinette and Jon dying of laughter as Damian cuts his burger with a knife and fork. At the hotel Lila is crying claiming that Damian is cheating in her with Marinette. The class continuously message Marinette even when they get a response saying that the person is not Marinette amd that they've had the number for two months.
The next day at lunch they confront Marinette, they followed Jon to the room the Student council eat lunch in. Que them berating Marinette infront of everyone including the teachers. Marinette just rolls her eyes not wanting to give them the time of day.
Alya-I cant believe you tricked Lila's boyfriend into dating a bully like you!
This causes Jon to launch to her defense, he steps in front of Marinette glaring at the class.
Jon-Lila's boyfriend?? You mean Damian, so Lila was dating Damian first?
Lila-Yes! And Marinette purposely seduced him!
Jon-Really tell me when did you firat meet Damian?
Lila-oh he was so sweet! It was when we were 6 and we met at a gala here in Gotham! A older women was being incredibly mean to me and he stood up for me telling me that he'd have his dad kick her out. We were always meeting up over the summer and started dating at the beginning of senior year!
Jon-Oh so you know Arabic?
Lila-What?
Jon smirking-Well Damian didnt learn English until he was 8, his first language is English. Also you couldn't possibly have met Damian here when he was 6 because Damian didn't come to Gotham until he was 10. When his dad was informed that he had a son. On top of that Damian spends every summer with his family and closest friends. Actually he usually spends a few weeks on my family's farm, this summer he didnt because he went to Paris with Marinette. Also at the beginning of senior year? St. Cloud, when did Damian ask Marinette out.
St. Cloud- Beginning of the summer at Mr. Wayne's first charity gala of the summer, he asked her while they were dancing. It was really cute and Marinette looked amazing in her MDC dress!
Mari-Thank you St. Cloud, I could give you her number if you'd like a dress
Lila runs away embarrassed the class starring at Jon and Marinette in shock.
Alya-who-who do you think you are?!
Mari-Alya do you really not recognize your idols son?
Marinette is disappointed as she introduces them to Jon Kent, after that the teacher finally forces the French class out, while also telling them how kuch trouble they'll be in.
The class starts trying to get on Marinette's good side for the rest of the year but she ignores them. Prom comes and goes and when its finally time for graduation Damian is valedictorian. He gives a fairly inspirational speech and at the end he smirks finishing it with.
Dami-And lastly I would like to thank my eldest brother, without him Id never be able to give this sappy inspirational speech, he is really good at them.
When they throw their caps in the air Damian finds Marinette and dips her pulling her into a deep kiss.
That night while they are all celebrating at the Wayne Mansion Marinette finally lets go of Paris, she decides that her place is in Gotham with Damian.
Lets do a time skip!
Marinette is the top name in Fashion, Damian is Co-Ceo of Wayne enterprises with Tim. They are both married and living in Marinette's penthouse together with Margaery, I am to emotionally invested to kill off her or Alfred even if it is do to age. They visit the mansion almost every day, and family dinners are common.
Jon started going out with St. Cloud and are engaged, he has also taken up the mantle of Superman.
Damian has taken up the mantle of Batman with his Robin, Johnn'i Thomas Grayson-Wayne, Richard and Koriand'r's second child that did not inherit his mothers powers, and his partner Ladybird. That is until Marinette discovers she is pregnant. She surprises the family while they are getting their family portrait redone, with only Kori and the photographer knowing.
All the girls are in chairs with the boys behind them. Seating goes.
Babs, Kate, Selina, Marinette, Kori, Stephanie, and Cass. For a few of the pictures Marinette holds up a sign saying, "Another Wayne is on the way!" Then they hide the sign so they have a regular family portrait.
A few days later when the entire family is gathered to see the photos they are surprised when Bruce stars at them in shock. Alfred and Margaery merly smile offering congratulations, everyone is confused until Bruce turns the picture around.
Damian is looking at the pictures in shock until he jumps up and picks up Marinette spinning her around. Soon everyone is screaming and cheering offering congratulations. While Damian and Marinette hold each other close crying softly.
Mari-Your gonna be a Daddy Dove.
Damian-I love you so much Marinette. So much.
948 notes · View notes
Text
Delete the Twitter app, Mr. Barba
Tumblr media
In which Rafael Barba deletes the Twitter app because of the Householder case, and Carmen babysits him. 
Accidental Feminist Icon
The last thing on Rafael Barba’s mind when he was in the hospital room with Maggie Householder was his online reputation. Once he’d turned himself in and been released on his own recognizance, however, he opened his phone to call mami and instead saw hundreds of Twitter notifications, emails from people whose names he didn’t recognize, and missed calls and voicemails from unfamiliar numbers. He didn’t touch Twitter, texting Carmen to ask how bad it was and she advised him to delete the application until at least after the trial. When he went home, mami was there and just as disappointed as he expected. There were tears the minute she saw him, but not any offered comfort. 
“You murdered a child, mijo.”
“You don’t understand, mami. No lo viste. El no estaba realmente vivo.”
“Esa fue la decisión de Dios. No es tu decisión. Tu abuela estaría tan decepcionada de ti.”
“No estoy de acuerdo. Si estás aquí para regañarme, vete a casa.”
“Te llevo a la confesión.”
“Vete a casa, mami. Me confesaré cuando esté lista.”
“Rafa-”
“Go home.”
Lucia stormed out, and Rafael went inside his apartment and went straight for the scotch he kept aside. It wasn’t his good scotch. It was the cheap one that burned his throat and left him sicker than he ever was the next day. Before twisting off the cap, he heeded Carmen’s advice, deleting the Twitter app as he dropped to the couch and began to drink. It was only eleven, not even noon, but he didn’t want to remember what had transpired the day before. He should wade through his email, but someone had posted it. He knew because it was referenced time and time again that they’d found his personal email via some Twitter thread or Subreddit or something else he hadn’t yet encountered. He’d had to mute his phone as phone calls rolled in; the only one he answered confirmed it was strangers from the Internet who had seen the news. Carmen called it getting cancelled when it happened to other people. That usually didn’t involve the loss of a life, so the term seemed not quite right for what was happening, especially given the fact this included more than just the people he was used to. People who had never encountered him were hearing about him in the news. 
He ignored Olivia’s calls, considering the morning’s interactions enough. As he drank, Rafael was able to filter unknown numbers and messages, tossing the phone aside and quickly finishing the bottle. Olivia came by, and he didn’t answer, choosing to lay back on the couch as the room spun around him. Carmen texted him, and he didn’t look. An hour later, he heard her outside of his door with Olivia and unlocking he apartment for her. He’d given her a key long ago so she could get files or suits or drop off leftovers. Both of them came in, and it suddenly dawned on him that he had his suspenders down and shirt open over his undershirt. He’d spilled the most recent tumbler over himself with the pizza he’d ordered. And now, they could see him like this, eyes rimmed red and mood unstable as he thought more than he could about himself. 
“Mr. Barba,” Carmen said softly, kneeling by him. Olivia stayed closer to the door, surveying the room. By the nature of their constant proximity, Carmen had seen the tail end or starts of Rafael getting frustrated, though he always pressed it down with a glass of scotch and good meal. That said, she’d found him too drunk after a trial didn’t go his way. Seen him frustrated as he went through a case he may not be able to do anything about it. Caught him yelling at paperwork as though something would happen. She’d also seen him the next mornings when he came in pretending not to be insanely hungover and was wearing the suit from his office.
“I’m fine.”
“No you aren’t. Is this what happens between an eight o’clock bourbon and the office suit?”
“Shut up, Carmen.”
“Don’t talk to me like that. I’m helping you.”
“Sorry,” he said with a huff as his hand ran down his face, and Olivia had to stifle a laugh at how properly embarrassed he looked. “My email and phone are bad. How bad is Twitter?”
“Medium. A lot of people understand. Or they feel that they can’t understand, so they’ll watch the story.”
“People understand murder?” he scoffed.
“No. No one does. But we all understand how impossible your choice was. How badly the parents were hurting.”
“I was too selfish to do it for my dad.”
“I know, Mr. Barba. But people want to know how long until they hear more. Want people to wait. Can see why you did it. It’ll blow over. We can change your number and your email. Twitter has a really handy button. Block.”
“My name’s Rafael.”
“You’re my boss.”
“Not for long,” he chuckled bitterly before his gaze softened. “All I wanted was for people not to hurt.”
“You need to go to bed, Rafa.” It was Olivia now, and his eyes suddenly snapped open. It was different when it was Olivia. They were friends, but they kept things to work. Other than the occasional group event, they’d grab dinner after work. She didn’t hear him debate pocket squares or see him drunk alone in his office or help him think of replies on Twitter. He’d probably lose his friendship with Carmen once he wasn’t in the office, he supposed. She humored her boss a lot more than she probably should.
“I’m fine, Liv.” It came with more of a snort than he liked, and he was suddenly pulling himself up to sit, wrapping his shirt around himself as though it were a cardigan. Carmen watched he was steady, and Olivia was sure she now knew what she’d looked like when Noah was learning to walk on his own with her hand on his back to keep him upright. Once things passed, she wanted to ask if Rafael was always this willing to be relaxed around Carmen, but she wasn’t sure she really wanted to know.
“I don’t think I’m helping things,” Olivia said softly, and Carmen gave a gentle nod.
“My son’s with my mom for a visit. I’ll take care of him.”
“You’re sure? I can call Lucia.”
“I’m fine, lieutenant. And mami has already been here.”
“Make sure he meets with an attorney tomorrow.”
“I make his calendar. I know.”
“You two can stop talking about me like I’m not here,” he grumbled, heels pressed against his eyes. “I’m drunk, not deaf.”
“You’re belligerent, counsellor.”
“Call me Rafael,” he said again, flopping onto the couch when Olivia had left again.
“I thought Lieutenant Benson was your best friend, Rafael.”
“She is, I guess. Is that sad? My best friend used to be Alex, but I pursued that case. As if mami needed more reason to hate me.” 
“You don’t act like you in front of her. Not all the way.”
“This isn’t me.”
“It’s you without a carefully constructed persona.”
“If that’s the case, I suppose you’re my best friend, Miss Frye.” She’d expected to see a bemused smirk or annoyed scowl, but Carmen was taken aback by how sincere he looked as his hand moved to rest on her forearm and squeeze as well as he could.
“My name’s Carmen,” she teased. “Now come on. You need to go to bed.”
“My suit will get wrinkled.”
“I’ll hang it for you.”
“You can sleep in the guest room. It’s not safe for you to go-” His eyes were suddenly wide. “Carmen, where’s Ollie?”
“With my mom. I told her you needed me for a couple days.”
“You don’t need to disrupt your life.”
“I’ll tell you a secret Mist- Rafael.”
“What?” he asked, flopping into bed where she’d pulled the blanket down once he managed to strip to his boxers.
“You’re my best friend too.” She tugged the blanket over him, pressing a gentle kiss to his temple. He smiled up at her, and she made her way out turning off the lights. It seemed silly to say it to someone like him, but they’d worked together a long time, had a lot of late night talks. She liked him more than a lot of people she knew, and saw him more than anyone outside of her family. 
Carefully, she cleaned his living room, dumping his other bottle of cheap scotch out and disposing of both before setting up the coffee to brew at seven, just in time to have him at an attorney’s office by nine. McCoy had approved her to work from wherever she needed to in order to keep Rafael functioning. She’d have been miserable helping Peter Stone with this trial anyway. They both knew about his father, and it seemed he may be a ticking time bomb. She logged into his twitter, going on a blocking spree as she explored his mentions, tweeting from her own account and his that she’d done it and retweeting it from his account. 
She also liked all the kind ones. The ones asking for understanding or expressing empathy. The ones that acknowledged he had an impossible choice and neither one would have sat well with their own conscious. Leave a child and his family to suffer without end or expedite the inevitable. Then there were his direct messages. Since getting verified, he had the ability to only see messages from people he followed. As she combed through, there were a couple of hateful messages she ignored, but most who knew him expressed understanding and a couple even included leads if he wanted out of the city. She marked those down in her notes app before falling asleep in the guest bedroom. 
The sound that greeted her in the morning was Rafael Barba vomiting as the coffee machine roared to life in the background. Silently, she ordered ginger tea and vitamin b12 for delivery, going to fetch the pedialyte she’d brought from home. When he came out, hair wet from a shower, she’d already brewed him tea, cooked breakfast, and given him an expectant look as she slid a glass of unnaturally purple electrolytes to him. He didn’t know what to say, so he took the proffered glas and took a long sip before wincing.
“Grape,” she said plainly.
“Grapes don’t taste like that.”
“Ollie likes it okay. I make him popsicles though.”
“He’s old enough for popsicles? Isn’t he still on milk?”
“Rafael, he’s two. He drinks milk, but he even eats.”
“Does he like books yet?”
“He does. He really likes being read to.”
“I’ll read to him next time I see him.” He was quiet for a moment, and when he spoke again, his voice was thick. “Do you play him music?”
“Some. Usually my playlists.”
“Play him Bach.”
“You’ll have to tell me what’s best to play him.”
“I’ll send you a playlist.” 
“Why Bach?” She watched as his jaw shifted from side to side, lips pressed together, and that told her all she needed to know. “Drew liked Bach?”
“He’d never know if he liked Bach. Maggie was playing one of his cantatas.”
“Maybe we can take him to an orchestra one day.”
“There are some shows. Kid friendly.”
“He’d like that.”
“I’ll send it to you.”
“You’ll come, won’t you?”
“Me?”
“It’s your idea.”
“You’d still let me around your son?”
“My son is a healthy vibrant boy. If he was in the same situation as Drew, it would be hard, but I’d still want you there. You did exactly what I would have done for him, okay?”
“Did you mean what you said last night?”
“Which part?”
“The last part.”
“You probably are my best friend. And that hasn’t changed. I wish you didn’t have to be put in the situation, but I would hope I’d have been strong enough to do the same. And other people agree with me.”
“God, you’re not actually looking at Twitter.”
“I looked at Twitter. I blocked anyone vitriolic. But, I collected all the kind ones in your favorites for when you’re ready. A lot of your attorney friends have job leads for you if you leave the DA’s office.”
“I’m leaving. And I’m probably going to fucking prison. You’ll be down a friend in a few months.”
“Stop it.”
“They’ll end me in there, Carmen. I sent some of them there.” She wasn’t sure what to make at how at peace with the prospect he was.
“And you won’t go to prison. Don’t focus on that. Even if you do, they’ll have to do something to protect you. And I’ll come visit you.”
“You barely know me.”
“We spend more time together than I do with anyone else. I know you’re good, you have a good heart, you send birthday presents to every SVU detective’s kid and think I don’t know you send them coffee gift cards on their birthdays. You’re a total mama’s boy and despite what a snarky prick you are, you have imposter syndrome out the ass. You’re lapsed enough Catholic not to go to church, but you pray when things are really bad. I also know some part of your brain feels like you’ve let down people who think you do good work by this one thing, but one bad doesn’t outweigh an exorbitant amount of good. I hope Ollie has half of the ethical backbone you do. I know there have been occasions in the past you weren’t perfect, but the man I’ve known deserves every ounce of credit he gets. That doesn’t mean you’ve never made a mistake.”
“You’re ridiculous,” he muttered, and much to his chagrin, Carmen wrapped him in a hug that he returned, refusing to look at her. He was suddenly aware he’d cry if he looked at what he knew was a genuine smile. “I’ve got to get dressed to see an attorney.”
“Who are you going with?”
“Randy Dworkin.”
“He’ll be good.”
“I hate to admit that. And I’m sure I’ll hate every second with him.”
“How about you teach me about Bach this afternoon?”
“You have work.”
“McCoy approved me to be remote.”
“So you’re my sitter?” She could almost swear a smile pulled at the corner of his lip, and she felt pride she didn’t expect.
“I suppose. So Bach?”
“Bring Ollie?”
“Deal.”
44 notes · View notes
Text
Text of tweet thread by Anthony DellaRosa @ifeelthewind, Jan 4th 2020 [cw: Contrapoints, transphobia, biphobia, doxxing, abuse, harassment, K*w*f*rms, etc. etc. etc. etc.]
Well, it's been a solid two days of waking fucking nightmares, and also the regular kind.
So, let's talk about it. Contra's got me actively fearing for myself, and also for my family (and here's how). Alternate title:
Contra told a *million* people that I "might be" a Nazi who's "just pretending to be trans."
Tumblr media
Now, keep in mind, Contra's a relatively wealthy woman with just over 800,000 YouTube subscribers and almost 11,000 paying patrons. Meanwhile, I have 662 Twitter followers and holes in my mouth where teeth used to be.
Tumblr media
Anyway, in her video, at 33:35, she quotes a series of three consecutive tweets of mine, starting here.
Tumblr media
So, um, I've actually had her blocked for a long, long time. Definitely at least a year. Maybe two.
So, the fact that she was able to see these tweets at all, to begin with, means that she was namesearching *around* my block, specifically trawling for content. Which is a hell of a thing.
Like, I blocked her because over the course of a couple years, her work became just incredibly fucking triggering for me. But she's so fucking omnipresent in pretty much *every* online trans space, it's basically impossible to fully escape her stuff. So, the block was there to give me at least *some* protection against being blindsided? For a while, I also actually muted her name.
But here we are.
Also, I feel like, after a certain point, she must have been watching *me*, very specifically, because, later in the video, she also quotes *this* tweet, which got literally *five* fucking retweets in its *entire* fucking lifetime, and also contains no big, hot, easily searchable keywords. 
Tumblr media
I mean, unless she was fucking sitting here, combing through literally *every single fucking mention* of "Olly" or "Philosophytube" or "trans people." Put a pin in that. Anyway, Contra reads my tweets about Buck Angel's famously petty, spiteful act of transphobic violence against Lana Wachowski, which, yes, could have *easily* gotten her killed, and argues that we shouldn't care. In fact, not only should we not care -- we shouldn't even check to see if it's true.
Because that "reminds" her of what "creepy stalkers who hate trans people do." You know, digging through the archives, looking for dirt. But let me remind you, Buck's comments exist in the media because he *sold them to the media*. He deliberately went on a fucking tear through the entire fucking tabloid circuit, eventually reaching as high as Rolling fucking Stone. He "exposed" Lana, very, very publicly, specifically to punish her. *Doing* that is apparently fine, whatever. Be a guest on my fucking YouTube show. Let me gush and gush and *gush* about your fucking "decades" of "good trans activism" (with absolutely no specifics). But *talking* about the actual, historical fact that he *did* do that, a simple acknowledgement of the fucking harm, is abusive and stalker-ish? I'm sorry, *how* did you get to my tweets again? So, immediately after featuring and responding to three of my tweets, she asks the audience,
"How can you tell the difference between a trans anarcho socialist with an anime avatar, and a Nazi *pretending* to be a trans anarcho socialist with an anime avatar?" "Well," she says, "you can't. Anonymous is anonymous is anonymous, whether it's on 4chan or Twitter."
And I'm honestly not sure she's still talking about me at this point? Because literally none of those things apply to me?
1) I don't specifically identify as an anarcho socialist. I don't specifically identify as *any* particular political micro label. I just don't really find it useful.
2) This account has *never* been anonymous. It has *always* had my name on it.
3) This is not an anime avatar. This is something I drew in, like, 2015, when I was playing around with a bunch of different brushes in FireAlpaca.
4) Although I don't use them as my avatar, I *have* posted selfies here.
5) If I *did* use them as my avatar, well, you didn't fucking censor anyone's avatars in this video. Not even the ones that actually *are* real people's actual photos. So, if my face *was* my avatar, you would have just shown my face to a *million* people and counting, *immediately* before saying I might be a Nazi *and* a fake trans person.
You want to talk about abusive, TERF-y tactics? How about that?
How about stalking the tweets of an autistic trans person with 600 followers, screencapping them out of context, broadcasting them to a literal fucking *million* a *million* of your own fucking fans, and telling them all that the autistic trans person is the "real" Nazi and also maybe not even really trans? How about fucking that? Like, I'm not sure if you *are* talking about me, because, factually, all of this is fucking bullshit. But it certainly *sounds* like you're talking about me.
'Cause you haven't changed gears at all. I'm still the last person you quoted, you're still in the same "bit," and you're still responding to the thing I brought up. Like, really, this has two potential outcomes.
a) People take what you're saying at absolute face value and cheer you on as you take down the faceless fake trans person you've turned me into, or
b) They Google the tweets you so, *so* helpfully provided the *full* fucking text for, find my actual Twitter page, and then, whoops, all of a sudden, I have Contra stans on my Twitter page.
Like, let me lay this out. Those tweets in the video have all been up for two months already. They've been up. They've been out there. They've been seen. They're old news, more or less. And, yes, when they were new, I got hate. Yes, I got abuse. Yes, I even got other big YouTubers, reactionary dipshits like Peter Coffin and shoe0nhead, "liking" posts that talked shit about me. (That's why I went ahead and blocked as many of Peter's followers as it would let me).
Tumblr media
But nothing like this.
I've been in protected mode for two days straight.
Nothing's ever done that before.
Nothing's ever been that bad.
Not till this.
Not till you.
Did being featured in Contra's video result in a noticeable uptick in abuse and harassment directed my way?
Unmistakably, yes.
And I was soon as I went protected on Twitter, it started flowing over into my Tumblr. And that put me in the position of wondering where it was going to stop. Were they going to get my phone number? My address? My work?
Fun thoughts.
Fun, fun things I have to live with now. She closes out this segment by telling me, or this hypothetical thing she's created adjacent to me,
"Shut up and go back to K*w*f*rms, where you belong."
So.
Let me tell you.
I've never checked, because I know I wouldn't be able to handle if it I did, but I wouldn't be surprised if K*w*f*rms actually *had* a page about me.
I don't *know*. I don't *want* to know. But I wouldn't be super fucking surprised. [cw: suicide]
I'm autistic. I'm trans. I've always been *very* online, growing up, and for pretty much my entire fucking life (at least for the chunk of it that I can actually remember), I've had groups of people trying to goad me into suicide. I've seen whole fucking group chats where they fucking plan it.
So, yeah. I wouldn't be surprised. If I didn't have one before, I probably fucking do now. Oh, and then she notes,
"I'm saying this in the c*ntiest way. And they deserve it! They deserve the c*ntiness!" Gosh, I wonder why my DMs across two sites are full of abuse right now. Anyway, I can feel myself fading fast.
I might come back and talk about that Olly thing we put a pin in later.
Or I might just go on protected again.
We'll see how this shakes out. 
The fucking disgusting hypocrisy of Natalie Wynn of all people saying “Shut up and go back to K*w*f*rms, where you belong” when she by her own admission was raised on 4chan’s /lgbt/
As the linked facebook post summarizes:
“You want to talk about cancel culture and online mobs and disposability?Then let's talk about how ContraPoints just sicced days of harassment and stalking on a low profile trans person with no power, no money, no fame, and said something that will only certainly result in them getting a dedicated KiwiF page. She's going to get someone fucking killed (if she hasn't already)”
2K notes · View notes