#Rafael Barba x Carmen
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(un)welcome visitors
Rafael Barba x gn!reader
"I didn't know every coffee maker between here and the DA's office mysteriously combusted."
He purses his lips in a humorless smile, leaning against the wooden sideboard and tapping his fingers impatiently as the machine heats up. "Carmen's out sick," he explains, his voice clipped. "The coffee stand's closed, and even I can't make myself drink the courthouse sludge."
Rafael may be using you for your coffee maker, but when a personal issue arises he offers some unexpected support.
tags: established friendship, fluff, mutual pining, hint of family angst on the reader's side, gender neutral reader, no y/n, no reader physical description
word count: 1400
note: it's only vaguely alluded to but reader is a law librarian at the county law library, which happens to be located right across from 1 hogan :) essentially you research, gather, and analyze legal materials for the public, courts, and recently a certain ADA
read on ao3 here
You lean back in your office chair with an amused grin. "Nice to see you too, Barba."
The man currently beelining it to your office's single cup coffee machine doesn't have the good grace to look chagrined. Rafael shoves his thermos underneath the spout, drops a pod in the machine, and slams the lid without even looking at you. "Yes, hello, you look good, how've you been," he rattles out dryly.
"You talking to me or the Keurig?"
The withering look he shoots you is mostly without teeth. It's not enough to deter you.
"I didn't know every coffee maker between here and the DA's office mysteriously combusted."
He purses his lips in a humorless smile, leaning against the wooden sideboard and tapping his fingers impatiently as the machine heats up. "Carmen's out sick," he explains, his voice clipped. "The coffee stand's closed, and even I can't make myself drink the courthouse sludge."
You raise your eyebrows.
He glances over, then does such an utterly offended double take that you have to turn your surprised snort into a cough. "That was under duress," he warns, raising a finger in your direction.
You can't help it.
"I come to you in my time of need and you mock me," he deadpans as you laugh.
"Right, except I was your third choice."
He opens his mouth to deliver what promises to be a scathing retort, but the machine chooses that moment to finally hiss to life and the aroma of vanilla beans starts to fill the office. Rafael sighs, and some of the bristling tension seeps out of his shoulders. You decide he's probably suffered enough.
"Look, not that I don't appreciate the visit," you lean forward on your elbows against the desk, "but have you ever thought about just buying one for yourself?"
You knew he rarely used the old drip maker collecting dust in his office, preferring to buy it fresh - or, when he's particularly desperate and can't get away, send Carmen out with his card. In fact, you weren't even sure the damn thing worked until you'd found half of SVU camped out in his office late one night, going over the details of a difficult case with the carafe passed around the table. But surely, when caffeine-withdrawal was at stake...
"Then people would ask to use it." Rafael's nose wrinkles at the thought as he watches the thermos fill.
The stunning lack of self-awareness doesn't seem to register.
"Hmm," you hum, "says the man raiding my coffee stash." He blinks, pausing as he screws the thermos lid on. "The man with his own snack budget at the 16th."
He rolls his eyes. "They should consider it payment for goods and services." He says it with no small amount of smarm, but as he turns towards the loveseat you managed to cram into the corner of your small office, you watch him cradle the warm thermos in his hands like a prized possession.
"Speaking of," you say slowly, reaching down into the bottom drawer of your desk and tossing the contents to him. "Here."
He deftly catches the bag, and you feel inordinately pleased when you see his eyes light up at the chicago-style popcorn. "What's this for?"
Because you see how hard he works. Because you like that your office has become a place he frequents. Because you want him to stay a little while longer.
Because you're starting to like him more than the professional bounds of your positions, even the personal warmth of your friendship, and a small, foolish part of you can't help but hope he might feel the same way.
You clear your throat a little, shifting under the way his observant gaze turns thoughtful at your silence. "Let's just say Sergeant Benson isn't the only one with a snack budget."
He huffs a laugh, murmurs his thanks, and just like that any moment you imagined is gone.
With warm drink and food in hand, he finally collapses into the old, worn loveseat. He settles, sinking into the cushions and letting his eyes flutter shut as he tips his head back with a sigh, the long line of his neck and hint of scruff bared above his slightly loosened tie. You give him a moment, quietly shuffling some papers around, trying not to think about the warmth in your chest at seeing him so comfortable in your own space.
It isn't until he sits back up, taking a sip from his thermos with a pleased hum, that you speak, your voice quiet. "So how are you Raf, really?"
"Tired." He breaks open the popcorn. "Sick of fighting off motions for this case. You?"
You grimace, thinking about the pile of work growing in your inbox. "About the same."
"Well aren't we a pair." He gives a little crooked smile as he says it, and you try not to look too pleased with his choice of words.
You settle into quiet conversation - about his mother (she's doing well, and he talks about her work at the charter school with no small amount of pride), about the latest inter-office gossip (there's at least two affairs going on but he only complains about O'Dwyer's latest promotional pet project), about the request his office sent over yesterday (you're already working on the case analyses).
He's just explaining what details he'd like you to look out for when there's a light rap at your door.
Rafael pauses. You unconsciously straighten in your seat before you call out. "Yes?"
The door creaks open and one of the front desk assistants steps just inside the threshold. "I'm sorry to interrupt." She looks between you and Rafael, then turns back to you. "But your father is here to see you."
You blink.
"That can't be right," you frown. "My parents don't even live in the city."
She glances again at Rafael - who's watching you intently over his thermos - before she turns back to you with a strained smile. "Just passing along what he said," she says, her voice apologetic.
"Did he give a name?"
When she says it you sigh, cursing internally. "Alright, I'll... I'll be down in a minute. Thank you."
And with that, she nods at you both and closes the door behind her. In the ensuing silence, the easy, friendly air from before seems to have been sucked out of the room after her.
"Should I go?"
"No." Your reply is fast enough that Rafael'e eyebrows raise in surprise. "No, I'll just see what he wants and send him home. He shouldn't even be - I can't believe he's - fuck." You trail off into a groan of frustration, burying your head in your hands.
"One of those, huh," he says softly. It's not spoken as a question.
"Yeah," you mutter into your hands.
"Want me to scare him off?"
You know he's just trying to lighten the mood but your heart still jumps when you look up at him, foolish and half hope. "Would you?"
It slips out before you can stop it but you can't regret asking, not when he holds your gaze with a kind of warmth and sincerity he usually can't afford to show.
"For you?" he murmurs, "Of course."
You're proud that your next breath comes out relatively steady.
"Thank you," you say softly. "But you really don't need to get in the middle of my family drama."
His lips twitch into a wry, crooked smile. "I'm paid to get in the middle of family drama all the time. Yours is no trouble, trust me."
Your chest shakes with a laugh despite yourself, and his smile softens, his eyes crinkling. In the light of the setting sun from your window, it makes him look younger. Lighter.
It looks good on him.
"At least let me walk you down."
He never was one to give up on a tough case. If you're honest with yourself, you never want him to stop.
"Alright, alright," you cede with a small smile. "It's a deal, counselor."
Looking entirely too pleased with himself, Rafael pushes up from the loveseat, thermos in hand. He takes his overcoat from the rack by the door and holds out your own, and your elbows brush as he steps out of your office behind you.
As the two of you walk down the hallway towards the elevator and whatever unpleasant surprise awaits you in the lobby, you realize that somehow - with Rafael beside you - you don't dread it.
#inspired by every Dad Issues ep and trying to thread the needle between barba's softness & snark#rafael barba x reader#rafael barba x gn!reader#reader insert#definitely got a few more ideas for a law librarian reader#i feel like there aren't a lot of non-detective reader fics so i'm doin my part 🫡#s: pretty green eyes (you're reaching for my hand)
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stare decisis: chapter two - amarum
amarum: latin for bitter
wc: 1,033
rafael barba x original female character
“Carmen, can you get me the witness statements for-” Quinn starts to ask as she rushes into her office with cup of iced coffee in hand.
“The photographer case? What we have of the DD-5s from the detectives are on your desk. Mr. Barba is at the precinct now,” she explains.
“Remind me to thank him for the invite,” she huffs rhetorically as she enters her office. She shuts the door behind her and throws her work bag on the arm chair that sits right inside the door. Two months she’s been in Manhattan and she’s still getting the cold shoulder from the squad and her supposed co-counsel. She dials his cell from her office phone while she glances over the reports from the detectives. He picks up a few rings in.
“Barba.”
“You’re not seriously thinking about filing charges are you?” she asks and can almost hear his eyes rolling through the phone. Her right hand rests on the desk with a pink gel pen in it on a blank legal pad, willing and ready to take notes.
“I thought you would think better of me,” he smirks and mouths her name to Olivia.
“I don’t and that’s how I know you’re still helping the squad cook up some convoluted plan to get this guy,” the smirk is wiped right off his face, it was like she had read his mind.
“They either do it with legal counsel observing or the start violating constitutional rights with reckless disregard,” he lowers his voice as he walks into the breakroom of the precinct.
“Or you’re there and they violate someone’s rights and then you’re also named in the lawsuit. I don’t think the city’s malpractice insurance covers rights violations,” she huffs.
“I appreciate your concern but I’m doing this,” he grunts and hangs up the phone. She sighs angrily. She’s been co-counsel to Barba for three months and they’ve been at each other’s throats constantly. This time she’s actually looking out for him and he’s continuing to brush her off.
She works the rest of the day quietly, Barba is in and out of his office, leaving her out of the game all day.
***
Quinn’s boring and quiet day came to an end later that night while she sat on her couch watching trashy reality television. At a pivotal point in the episode her phone rings next to her, she picks it up with her eyes still glued to the TV.
“Mac, you won’t believe what happened today,” she says without a second thought. As she’s about to continue speaking she’s interrupted by an unexpected voice.
“Miss Brady, it’s Sonny Carisi. Sorry to call you so late,” she sits up straighter from her slouched couch position.
“Oh Carisi, what’s up? Barba off playing poker with the Governor?”
“Actually ma’am, he doesn’t know I’m calling you. But I think you should come down to the precinct. Fin arrested the perp tonight while UC.”
“He did what?” she all but shouts into the phone, she can feel Carisi’s painful cringe through the device. “I’ll be right there,” she seethes as she stands up from her spot on the couch.
The ride to the precinct is short and grueling. Only because Quinn attempts avoids any human interaction as a way to spare them from her anger. Steam is essentially blowing out of her ears as she enters the squad room and sets her sights on her co counsel. Her gaze almost as fiery as the color of her hair. Olivia Benson watches as he almost shrinks into the waist code he’s wearing.
“Are you fucking serious?” she seethes in front of the whole squad, not bothering to excuse herself and Rafael from the group.
“What are you doing here?” he asks, looking her casually clothed self up and down. She’s donned in loose fitting blue jeans and an oversized white button up; like she just walked off the set of a nineties movie.
“I just had a feeling you were going to let them do something unbelievably stupid. And look, I was right,” Sonny takes note of her lack of disclosure as the the actual reason she showed up, he likes to think it was to spare him rather than to make her look good. “I told you to specifically not to do this and here we are.”
“No offense counselor, but you’re not his boss, nor are you ours,” Olivia speaks up removing her reading glasses to make eye contact.
“You’re right, but when we’re all named in the lawsuit for constitutional rights violations; it has consequences, career consequences,” her eyes narrow at every team member. Barba’s smirk is stamped on his face before he even speaks.
“Sounds like you have experience counselor.”
“I was a federal attorney after 9/11, yeah I’ve heard about constitutional rights violations,” she says straight faced. “What do you plan on doing now that you’ve arrested a man with no evidence of wrongdoing?”
“Do what we do best: investigate,” Amaro shrugs his shoulders. She rolls her eyes at him then looks to Barba again.
“We need to talk. Now,” she leads them to the secluded locker room. As soon as the door shuts she’s laying into him again. “How can you not see how bad this is? How did you let them violate him with no evidence? What were you thinking?”
“Okay, I know this is bad, but there’s some compelling information. Fin arrested him in a sterile torture chamber that had been soundproof. The things he said he wanted to do on those message boards are downright awful. And I was thinking that the kids he’ll hurt in the future need to be saved,” he calmly explains while holding her green eyes captive with his. Her breath hitches in her throat before she’s able to blink free.
“While that is noble of you, it is not legal. And we’re supposed to be co counsel and you left me in the dark. Now we’re both in this mess and the DA is going to be pissed. We can’t keep going on like this, you have to loop me in.” She grunts then removes herself from the room with a huff.
#rafael barba#rafael barba x reader#original character#law and order svu#svu#sonny carisi#amanda rollins#olivia benson#quinn brady#nick amaro#fin tutuola
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Ch. 58: Family Loyalties
Previous chapters // Montserrat’s masterlist
Fandom: SVU // Pairing: Rafael Barba x OC
Warnings: Due to the nature of the series’ plots, I do have to rate this as ‘mature’ for constant mentions of rape.
Taglist: @ocappreciationtag @arrthurpendragon @anotherunreadblog @maaaaarveeeeel @stareyedplanet @averyhotchner @abzidabzy @hellofutur @foxesandmagic @xovalliegirlxo @sam-i–am @kmc1989
[If you’d like to be added to this specific OC’s stories/edits, send me a message
Montserrat waited outside Rafael's office until he finished talking with Nick, although given the circumstances of said conversation, she doubted it would take long. She left Carmen when she felt like she was irritating the woman rather than simply conversing. She lingered outside in the hallway instead and came across her cousin.
"Fancy seeing you here," Casey came up to Montserrat with a smirk on her face. "Of course I know who you're here to see and it's not me."
Montserrat rolled her eyes. "Oh calm down. We can have dinner if you'd like?"
"Save it," Casey leaned close to Montserrat and lowered her voice. "I'd rather attend the dinner you're supposed to host for your family soon? Uncle Thomas hasn't met your boyfriend, so…"
Montserrat almost made a whimper. "I'm dreading it. Dad and Gael can go overboard and I don't want them overwhelming Rafael."
Casey snorted. "Please, that man is never overwhelmed unless it's the coffee in his system."
"Casey."
"I'm not lying. It's always between coffee or scotch."
"Casey!" Montserrat let out a heavy sigh while Casey laughed. "It's not easy. It's actually very scary. The last time I had a boyfriend was, well…"
Casey sobered quickly from her laugh. "Before you went undercover."
"Mhm…" Montserrat nodded. "I had to break up with him after coming out of UC and Dad and Gael always asked me why."
At that time, Montserrat didn't know what was more painful: explaining to her father and brother that she was raped or having to explain it to her then boyfriend. She knew that each of them loved her and only wanted to understand and she was incapable of explaining herself.
"Did you ever talk to him again?"
"Theo? No…" Montserrat gave a shake of her head, "When I ran from Queens, I ran. I didn't talk to anybody afterwards."
"Mm," Casey looked around the hallway as if someone were going to overhear them. "So you haven't really thought about what you're going to say to them when you organize this dinner?"
Montserrat shook her head. "Not a clue. I mean, Gael already knows that I'm seeing someone but as far as he knows, it was brand new and, well, now it's not so new."
"So what is it now?" The look on Casey's face was one Montserrat always referred to as her 'lawyer' face. It was the face Casey used to demand answers and honest ones. When they were younger, Montserrat always answered like she was on the stand.
"I'm 30! You can't keep doing that face to me!" Montserrat groaned, making Casey laugh.
"I'll stop when it doesn't work anymore!"
"I hate you," spat Montserrat.
"Bummer. And here I was going to offer my help with this upcoming dinner," Casey said with a hand on her chest. "You want somebody to warm your father up to this idea of a boyfriend, right?"
As much as Montserrat would want to say Casey wrong, she couldn't because she really did need all the help she could get. "I really hate you but yeah. Wouldn't come by so badly if you did have a couple tactics up your sleeve."
Casey's lips stretched into a wide smile. "I'd be happy to. When is it?"
"I don't know yet, probably after this whole case is over. I want to have Kara and Damien over too. Lessen the blow, you know? They know too."
"Mm, smart," Casey remarked. "At your place too?"
"Of course. So start clearing out your calendar because you're coming," warned Montserrat.
Casey chuckled until the office door flung open behind them and Nick stormed out.
"Looks like Rafael told him everything…" Montserrat said as they watched Nick disappear out the door. "I told him Nick would react this way, and it's not like he didn't have reason to."
"What's the case?" asked Casey curiously.
"None of your business, Novak." Rafael had come up behind the two women.
Montserrat snorted and Casey jabbed her elbow in her side. "What is so funny?" the latter demanded.
"Nothing, it's just weird not being on the other end of that for once."
Neither Casey nor Rafael were amused with Montserrat at the moment.
"I'm sorry," Montserrat's hands went up in front of her, "But after almost a whole year of being on the receiving end of that line, it feels good to hear it go somewhere else."
"In all honesty, how do you stand her?" Casey asked Rafael dead seriously. The latter smirked.
"Some say it's a virtue."
Montserrat gasped indignantly. "I'll remember that," she told Rafael. "Paying for it."
"You're the one who started it. Don't complain because you lost."
Montserrat gasped again.
"I want no part in this," Casey said quickly and moved around the pair, "I'll see you two later. Dinner, possibly."
Despite having a pretty huffy girlfriend beside him, Rafael still managed to see the smirk Casey threw his way. "Dinner? What is she talking about?"
Montserrat's response was to huff a third time. She started walking towards the entrance doors.
"Oh no, you don't get to do that," Rafael said as he followed after her.
"Do what?" Montserrat asked innocently and yet still very annoyed.
"You don't get to take jabs then get mad because I return the favor."
Montserrat reached to open the door but Rafael beat her to it and pulled the door open for her. He smiled at her as she walked out.
"You really are a sore loser," he chuckled to himself on his way out.
"Shut up," muttered Montserrat. "What happened with Nick, anyways?"
"Oh, you know, what we expected. He's thrilled with the idea of testifying against his father." Rafael joined Montserrat at the bottom of the stairs. "I don't blame him for how he reacted."
"Mm, yeah me neither," Montserrat folded her arms over her chest. "What I will blame him for is leaving me behind."
"Oh, so you were planning on leaving with him instead of me? Now I'm the one offended."
Montserrat's body swayed innocently. "I might be persuaded if there's a good dinner planned for tonight."
"How the hell am I the one having to provide a reward here?" Rafael's reaction was more than comical for Montserrat.
She smiled from ear to ear as he went on reviewing what happened inside the building where he was the victim.
"I'm pretty sure you're at fault here," he concluded with a deep scowl on his face. "Therefore, you owe me dinner."
"You're so easy to irritate, it's too much fun," Montserrat said, giving the impression she hadn't heard his entire speech.
"Montserrat—"
Montserrat gave him a short kiss on the lips. "Dinner's on me, dear. Any craving in particular?"
"Mm, a redhead," the words had fallen so quickly from Rafael's mouth that Montserrat almost thought she heard wrong.
"Rafael — what?" she laughed nervously. She felt a deep warmth crawl up the back of her neck to her face.
"Too much?" Rafael wondered. It was hard to tell with her reaction. Sometimes he had to think twice before saying or doing something in fear of pushing Montserrat too much. There were moments where he didn't do either of those things out of instinct and then he had to panic until Montserrat reassured him that she was fine with it.
"No, um…" Montserrat had trouble keeping her laugh at bay; she had to bite on her bottom lip to help. "I'm fine. Complemented, I guess?" Her arms moved over Rafael's shoulders and soon enough he was bringing her close to him. "So, how about some take out at your place and, uh, a redhead?" She gave a small shake of her head to let her curls bounce.
"That sounds perfect to me," Rafael said. His smile matched Montserrat's. He closed the already small gap between them with another kiss.
After that, there wasn't much bickering.
~ 0 ~
Court didn't go easily — everyone knew it would happen — but it all truly started when Nicolas went for a plea that involved no consequences to him. That alone showed his little regard for the crime he was being charged with.
"There's no way that they'll actually give him a plea, is there?" Amanda quietly made the question on their way out the courthouse. From her perspective, even though their side had some good witnesses, none of them truly amplified their point.
"I hope not," Olivia muttered. "I haven't personally spoken to Barba but I know he wouldn't."
"Just in case…" Fin made a nod at something behind the women. They turned to see Montserrat walking down the steps on her own.
"Hey, where's Barba?" asked Amanda.
"Umm…" Montserrat pursed her lips, her hands sliding inside her coat's pockets, "I asked him if he wanted to come with me and he told me —in a very nice way — to get lost." It was still very irritating to remember.
Amanda smiled wryly at the ginger. "Lovely relationship you have there."
Montserrat sighed. "When we get upset, this is pretty much how it always goes." Therefore, she couldn't even get mad at him for it. She'd done the same thing to him plenty of times too.
Bearing his mood when he was in these kinds of states, Montserrat didn't even bother sending texts nor calling. She went straight home after work, basking in the fact she got off slightly earlier, and met Kara cooking in the kitchen.
"I'm trying a recipe Sonny left me!" she told Montserrat. The latter was crinkling her nose with the scent.
"I can tell you one thing already: too much garlic!" Montserrat waved a hand in front of her nose.
"No, it's not!" Kara scowled.
"Yes, it is," Montserrat said as she came up beside her friend. She peered inside the pot and almost recoiled. "Yeah! Definitely too much garlic!"
Now Kara worried. She handed Montserrat the spoon and instructed her to keep mixing. "Let me just check the recipe again."
"Mm, and why are we trying new food again?" Montserrat asked. "New date or something?"
"No," shrugged Kara, "Just in a good mood."
"Well, I'm glad someone is," mumbled Montserrat. She sniffed the steam and shook her head. "Can we add water to this?"
"Nooo, it'll lose the flavor!"
"Of what? Garlic? That's what we want!"
Kara groaned. "Just keep mixing!" She grabbed her phone to reread the recipe. "So, you're home early."
"Yeah, I got lucky tonight. Sonny didn't tell you? I'm surprised he's not here."
"Nah, we need personal space sometimes too."
Montserrat chuckled. "A lot more, if you ask me."
Kara lowered her phone to deadpan her friend. "Just because you and your boyfriend don't do the personal things, doesn't mean the rest of us have to follow."
Montserrat burst into laughter. "Wow!"
"Don't laugh! I was being serious!"
"I can't help it!"
Kara decided she'd read enough of her recipe and put her phone down on the counter. "You're so annoying sometimes. I question how we keep living together."
Montserrat thought the same thing sometimes but she kept it to herself. In an effort to keep the atmosphere light, she put her best efforts to help Kara complete her recipe (although Montserrat still had no idea what it was).
"So you're not going out today?" Kara asked as they set up the plates for dinner.
"No, Rafael's in a mood today," Montserrat smiled tightly. "Best to steer clear until tomorrow."
"It's that case with Nick's dad, huh?" Kara shook her head. "Sonny told me about it. I can't believe the girl's not filing a complaint. I don't understand how women like that can stay in situations like those."
"It's not always easy admitting there's a problem," Montserrat said quietly. She walked back to the table with two glasses. "Believe me, sometimes it's just easier staying quiet."
Kara hummed. She was none the wiser about her friend's double meaning. She was sniffing the air and beginning to think Montserrat had been right about the garlic. "I can't believe that any woman would want to do that for any reason."
Montserrat turned back for the utensils on the counter. "You just don't know, Kara. Unfortunately, to understand, you have to be in the same position and even then you can't really understand someone else's experience."
"I guess…" Kara shrugged, "Oh, by the way, you got something in the mail today."
Montserrat was coming back when Kara motioned to the fat envelope on the coffee table.
"From that family you surrogate for?"
"Oh, Leah and Michael?"
"Yeah, who else? Did you have another pregnancy I don't know about?"
"No," Montserrat said with wide eyes. "Nope."
Kara laughed. "Yeah, I thought so."
The two sat down and had their dinner, although halfway through Montserrat told Kara they should have added more water. It was basically garlic on a plate.
"I need chocolate, stat," Montserrat announced as soon as she took the last bite.
Kara more or less agreed. "Thank God I'm not going on any date tonight. My breath must be horrible!"
Montserrat chuckled and agreed.
After dinner, they went in search of sweets from their special stash in the cabinet. Two chocolate bars did the trick.
Kara soon excused herself for the night, deeming her "me time" was very serious and she planned on a whole movie night by herself in her room. "I don't have a boyfriend until tomorrow morning at 8 a.m. when I wake up," she said on her way into the hallway.
Montserrat laughed. It was something she might employ herself just to see Rafael's reaction. She lingered in the living room to open the envelope Leah and Michael had sent her.
She sat down on the couch and started opening it. Immediately, she saw several pictures sticking up. One white paper was neatly folded behind them.
Montserrat,
We thought you might like to keep these! We know we send you pictures all the time but it's such a hassle to go out and print them so this time we did it for you! We hope you like them! Andy misses you!
Love,
Leah, Michael and Andy Saunders
Montserrat was delighted with all the pictures of baby Andy that were now hers! She was terrible at printing out pictures in general and she had quite a lot of Andrew in her phone. Now she could have these in hard copy.
The simple knock on the door was more than startling. Montserrat almost dropped everything in her hands. She checked the time and saw it wasn't really that late.
"Oooh, Kara's going to be so pissed with you, Sonny," she mumbled as she left her things on the couch to answer the door. "You never interrupt Kara's 'me time', not if you value your life."
However, Sonny did value his life and so it was not him at the door.
"Hi," Rafael had no idea what to say except for that.
"Hello." Montserrat knew exactly what kind of struggle he was in because it was written all over his face. Did it make her a terrible girlfriend (or person in general) if she found it funny?
It probably does, she answered herself.
"You weren't going to sleep, were you?" Rafael asked shortly afterwards. She hadn't changed which gave him a sliver of hope.
"No," she finally said, "And you're not drinking still?"
"Point to you," Rafael shrugged. "I was but…"
Montserrat half smiled. "I'm not mad, Raf. You can relax."
"Seriously?" He would've thought she'd be angry for the way he told her to leave her alone.
Montserrat held her laugh in solely for her fondness for him. "Yeah, breathe." She reached for his hand and pulled him inside the apartment. "For someone so brazen and hard, you sure do get easily worried."
"Don't go saying that out loud," warned Rafael. "It's just when it comes to you."
"I love hearing that," Montserrat smiled giddily. "And since you're saying stuff like that, I can safely assume you're coming off your anger with the world."
"Something like that." Rafael pushed the door shut behind them. "Can I stay for a bit?"
"A bit, all night, I don't care which one," Montserrat shrugged. She gave him a small kiss on the lips. "I'm just glad you're here."
Rafael was too. He was more than used to handling these moods with endless drinks — he still did it — but knowing he had someone he could go to made him want to leave the glasses for a while. Baby steps.
"I talked to Nick," he said, and by the way he squeezed Montserrat's hand indicating the conversation hadn't gone well. "He was at the restaurant."
"Mm, he knows how the case is going, right?" Montserrat led him to the couch, taking her mail to the coffee table instead.
"Yeah, he's not happy about it. I can't blame him — I asked him to do something nobody should ever have to do." Rafael sat down with Montserrat on the couch. "He has to decide whether or not to testify against his own father."
"Oh man," Montserrat shuddered. "No matter my relationship with my mother, I could never picture myself testifying against her for a crime like this."
"My father's been dead 15 years and my hand still curls into a fist whenever I think of him but doing what Nick has to do goes beyond all that…"
Montserrat was startled. In all the time she'd known Rafael, this was the first time he ever mentioned his father. Tread easily. "Nick doesn't seem to like his father very much. It's horrible to say but maybe that'll help him be able to do it."
"It doesn't," Rafael said resignedly, "My father was not at all liked by anyone, especially me, but in the end I was still there. He was on life support after a diabetic coma and I was at the hospital every morning before work, and every night, until the nurses threw me out."
Montserrat scooted closer to his side, beyond surprised with his easy ability to share those painful memories. "I'm so sorry," she gave him a side hug.
"I've processed it at this point," Rafael gave a nonchalant shrug, but Montserrat knew better. If he had shared it now, out of all their moments together, it was because it still affected him.
"It doesn't matter," Montserrat said, resting her head on his shoulder, "I haven't seen Regina in 26 years and I still can't say that I don't think about her. She's my mother, whether she likes it or not, but she is."
"Now you see what I asked Nick to do?"
"I've always seen it, but it's not your fault. Nick knows that." Montserrat raised her head and reached for Rafael's cheek to turn his head. "You want to stay for the night?"
Rafael nodded within the minute. That would do him so well. "Kara won't mind?"
"So long as we don't knock on her door and interrupt her 'me time', we'll be safe," Montserrat said, earning a puzzled smile from him.
"Me time?" he repeated.
"Learn it well because I will be using it in the future when you get just a little bit too annoying."
"Oh!"
Montserrat laughed. "Why don't I get us some nice coffee? Decaf, of course. You don't need anymore alcohol in your system."
Rafael couldn't argue with that.
"At this point, I'm sure that your blood is more alcohol than anything else," Montserrat remarked, getting up before Rafael could do anything to her for that. She was quick to get into the kitchen too.
"Thank you," he told her for the coffee and her overall help. "How'd I ever manage without you?"
Montserrat innocently shrugged as she sat back down with him on the couch. "Probably with an extra bottle."
Rafael saved his breath. There was no doubt in his mind that she had plenty more comments like those. His eyes fell on the coffee table when he drank from his mug. He couldn't ignore the bright redheaded boy in the pictures he could see from.
"Is that Andrew?" He recognized the baby despite not being an infant anymore.
"Mhm," Montserrat said, reaching forwards to gather the pictures in a neat stack. "Leah and Michael sent them to me."
"He's bigger," Rafael's remark earned a good laugh from Montserrat.
"He's one year old now — a little older than that — but I would assume he's bigger than the last time you saw a picture of him!"
Rafael rolled his eyes at her. "Oh, you know what I meant! Why do they send you pictures?"
"Because I like seeing Andy growing up?" Montserrat said it like it should be obvious.
"And the parents are okay with that?"
"We were friends before Andy so yeah, they're okay with it."
"Mm…" Rafael grabbed the picture at the top of the stack and met the smiling toddler. "I swear his hair gets more red every time I see a picture of him."
"Oh, ha, ha," Montserrat waved him off. "That's not how red hair works, you know."
"I'm just saying," Rafael raised his hand but as soon as he did, Montserrat plucked the picture from him. "It's very surprising parents would want to keep their surrogate mother around them."
"Are you saying I'm not pleasant to be around with?" Montserrat raised an eyebrow at him.
"Sometimes you can be a little—"
Montserrat smacked him on the arm.
"I'm going to spill my coffee because of you!" Rafael exclaimed, shooting her a reprimanding glare. "I was only saying what I've seen, alright? I've processed things like that. The surrogate mother tends to be crazy."
"Again," Montserrat shifted so that she would face him entirely, "Are you saying that I'm not someone you want to be around with?"
"You are crazy but I'll give you a 'no' on the second one."
Montserrat rolled her eyes. "I hate you sometimes. You should know that I've known Leah and Michael since my high school days. I was at their wedding."
"So they picked you to be a surrogate for them?"
Montserrat sighed. "Look, Leah leaned on me when she found out she couldn't have kids. It was hard for her getting past it and I helped the way I could."
"So it was your idea to be a surr—"
"No! I just…it's…"
Rafael watched Montserrat carefully. He thought she was struggling too hard to explain what should be quite simple.
"It's complicated," Montserrat said finally, "We discussed it. Everything. I…I helped them."
"Were you at least compensated for all that? Pregnancy isn't easy and it's very long…"
Montserrat half smiled at him. "It's 9 months and I got what I needed at that time. You want some more sugar for that?" She pointed at his coffee.
"Not re…" Rafael trailed off seeing Montserrat already getting up to grab more sugar. "Okay…"
When Montserrat returned, she made it clear (silently) that the conversation about surrogacy was over when she pushed all the pictures and envelope away from them.
~ 0 ~
Watching Nick testifying wasn't nearly as hard as seeing the endgame still not working to their advantage.
"I shouldn't have come," Nick said as soon as they were free from the courtroom. He was a fuming mess before going to testify and now seeing what his father said for his cross examination had Nick almost bursting. "He used me to play the jury."
"You and me both," muttered Rafael beside Nick.
"He flat-out lied on the stand," Nick said, sourly laughing to himself, "I mean, I knew he would."
"I've known guys like this my whole life. I went straight at him, he slipped every punch." It was perhaps even more infuriating for Rafael to know that his tactics were practically sidestepped by the likes of that man. "I don't know what happened up there."
From a distance, Montserrat watched the two pensively. It wasn't until Sonny came up beside her that her focus was interrupted.
"What are you doing?" he asked her curiously. "The others went for a quick break."
"It's funny," Montserrat said quietly, "Or maybe completely terrible. Take your pick. Rafael and Nick are always at each other's neck but at the end of the day, they're so alike in their moods."
"It's why they're always at each other's necks," Sonny said matter-of-factly, "You didn't know that?"
Montserrat smiled wryly at her partner. "I was just saying. I wonder if they realize it too?"
Sonny scoffed. "Not a chance. They're borderline narcissistic."
Montserrat barely held onto her laugh. Sonny wasn't wrong. "You watch your words — one of them is my borderline narcissistic boyfriend."
Sonny smiled lightly. "Poor you."
A short moment later, they got word that the jury was back. Nobody wanted to say it out loud but that never boded well. They all filed back inside the courtroom to listen to the verdict.
"On the charge of assault in the second degree, we find the defendant not guilty."
First blow.
"On the charge of reckless endangerment in the second degree, we find the defendant not guilty."
Second and thorough blow.
Nick would've left running if it wasn't for his dignity and the fact he still had plenty of paperwork to do at the precinct. Olivia offered him the chance to take some days off — everyone was more than willing to do his share of the paperwork. He flatout refused.
One by one, the SVU detectives left their desks in the evening for some much needed rest. Amanda lingered only slightly until she got a definite no from Nick to go out for some drinks. In the end, only Monteserrat remained at her desk and it was only because she kept looking at the lonesome detective on the other side.
She checked her phone and saw one text from Rafael still waiting to be answered. It seemed he learned his lesson from last time because he was asking to meet with her after work.
Finally, she put her pen down and drew in a deep breath. "You know, Nick, it's actually very bad for your health to be that kind of angry."
Nick said nothing but the bitter smile on his face spoke volumes of what he wanted to say back. Bless his heart, he kept on writing.
Montserrat turned her computer off and shut the lid on it. "I'm not some stupid girl who doesn't know what she's talking about," she said a moment later.
Nick raised his head so suddenly, Montserrat swore she heard the crack in his neck. "I never said that."
Got him. Montserrat raised an eyebrow at him. "I am the youngest on this team and sometimes you guys make it just a little bit too obvious."
"Montserrat—"
"It sucks what happened," Montserrat said fast-paced before she lost Nick, "I'm sorry for that — we all are. It was a really lousy case. You don't deserve it and I'm sorry that you know you don't deserve it but can't do anything about it."
As irritated as he felt, Nick couldn't find the right words to go with what Montserrat had said. Maybe his thinking was off too.
Montserrat's eyes scoured the bullpen for any impertinent ear lurking around. When she felt safe enough, she spoke again. "My brother hates my mother — Regina. And I mean he despises her with all his heart."
"Why?" Nick asked against his better judgment. He was content with working himself until morning in utter silence.
Montserrat leaned forward on her desk, planting her elbows on top and bringing her hands together. "Because she ran out on us and my dad ages ago. I was four, so I can't really remember as much as Gael does. He hates her and he's always angry about it. He even gets angry at me."
"You?"
Montserrat nodded. "Didn't you hear me? I still call her 'mother' sometimes. Maybe I am a stupid girl." She thought about it several times and it pained her to think that her mother really did have that kind of hold on her despite being God knows where.
"So you don't hate your mother for abandoning you?" Nick asked, letting out a low scoff.
"Sometimes I do," Montserrat admitted, "I mean — she left us. I'm angry about that, but at the same time I admit that I sincerely wish she hadn't. For the right reasons, of course."
"Yeah, I can't…can't think like that…" Nick shook his head, "My father…I wish he would've left us instead."
Montserrat lowered her head. "I know, I'm sorry."
"Not your fault," Nick said, leaning back in his chair. "But I do understand your brother. I hate my father. I really do."
"Do you, though?" Montserrat challenged stoically. "Factual answers, Nick. I've asked myself the same question about Regina. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. At the end of the day, she's my mother just like this is your father we're talking about. It's like a curse, really. A child will always love their parents, whether they want to or not."
"He doesn't deserve it," spat Nick. Montserrat wholeheartedly agreed. "After everything he did, he doesn't deserve to just wipe the slate clean."
"I'm sorry he's trying to," Montserrat said, biting on her bottom lip, "But you have to consider that if he's doing it and your family's always letting him, you're going to have to figure something out. Being angry at him is going to make for some good arguments with others. He definitely shouldn't have that power over you." She heard her phone buzz on the desk. It was another text from Rafael.
"You should go, Montserrat," Nick said, gesturing to the phone he most definitely heard, "I'm the worst company right now."
Montserrat half smiled at him. "But you're my friend and I had to do something, even if it was a little thing."
"Thank you," Nick said honestly.
Montserrat grabbed her things to go. "Liv's still in the office if you feel like hearing someone else beside your own voice in your head."
Nick looked at her strangely.
"Yeah, I do that too sometimes. Regina," Montserrat shuddered. From the corner of her eyes, she caught a small smile from Nick. She bid him goodnight and headed out. She was on her way out of the building when her phone buzzed again.
"You are so clingy," she declared as soon as she answered the call.
From the other end, Rafael rolled his eyes. This is what he got for wanting to forget such a horrible case by spending the evening with his girlfriend. "And here I am calling to ask what kind of sweets you're in the mood for. What a fool." He was perusing the remaining baked goods in the display window with a waiting barista on the other side. Her name tag was shiny against the metal trays holding the pastries but he still managed to see 'Clara' written on it. "Guess where I am right now?"
"Well, since I am the best detective in the world, I'm going to say it's my favorite dessert shop?" Montserrat asked, barely holding back her excitement.
"Wow, you really are good," Rafael said, his tone laced with sarcasm. "You deserve a badge."
"Ha! So, what are you getting me?"
"No idea, especially if you're still in the precinct. And I thought I was a workaholic."
"Easy there, it was your case I was doing paperwork for!"
Rafael let out a sigh. "Yeah, I know." He pointed at a pile of coffee bread for the barista to grab. He held up two fingers for the amount.
Clara dutifully slid the bread out and slipped them inside a paper bag.
"No, sorry, I didn't mean to bring that up…" Montserrat said quickly.
"It's alright, don't worry. Meet me at my place?"
"Yeah, I'm heading there now. See you there!"
"See you in a bit," Rafael agreed and hung up. He put all his attention on the remaining pastries. "Let me get all the brownies, please."
"All of them?" the barista blinked.
"Yeah, why not?" Rafael smiled. "It's been a crappy day. Days."
Clara smiled back. "I've had those. Although I usually go more towards the, uh…" She made a drinking motion with her hand.
Rafael laughed. "Yeah, me too. My girlfriend doesn't like that very much so I figured I should go her way once in a while."
"Ah, well, if that's the plan, you should definitely take these donuts," Clara motioned him to follow her down the counter. She bent down and pulled a tray of donuts smothered with purple icing, white dust, and blueberries on top. "Consider it a true compromise." The barista placed the tray over the counter. "Blueberry champagne donuts."
"You're kidding me…" Rafael gazed over the tray with wide eyes.
"Nope!" Clara exclaimed with a wide grin on her face. "They're delicious! And if you disagree, feel free to bring them back."
"As long as they're sweet, I seriously doubt there will be any left," Rafael said. He knew Montserrat wouldn't let him return any such thing. "Give me four, please."
"Mhm!" Clara nodded her head. She moved to the shelves on the back in search of bags.
The bell at the entrance rang as the door flung open.
"Hands up!"
It probably shouldn't have been Rafael's first thought and in the way he thought it, but 'Goddammit' slipped from his lips in a very tired manner. He wasn't scared when he, and Clara for that matter, turned around and saw an armed man with a black ski mask coming towards them but instead he was irritated.
Clara was a whole other story. She squeaked and dropped the tongs in her hand. "Please don't hurt us!"
Rafael slowly raised his hands in front of him. "Look, just take the money and go. I'm sure she —" He nodded at the barista, "—won't get in your way."
"Your phone – give me!"
"But–"
"PHONE!"
With a heavy sigh, Rafael did as told and brought his phone out of his pocket. He threw it to the side. "Can I go home now?"
The man snorted. "Plans."
"None of your business. Take what you want and go!"
The man raised his gun and fired up at the ceiling. Clara whimpered and truthfully Rafael knew he had jumped. Gunshots were loud. A natural reaction, he was sure.
"Nah, it's not that simple," the man informed the pair, "I got a job I need to do."
"Robbing?" Rafael raised an eyebrow, unable to stop himself from expressing his disconcertion.
"Something like that." The man pointed the gun at Clara. She squeaked again. "On the floor. NOW!"
The girl practically let herself fall on the floor.
"And you," the man redirected the gun at Rafael, "You should probably consider moving."
"From New York?" Rafael congratulated himself for not scoffing there and then. "I've lived here all my life and my line of work doesn't exactly make this situation novelty."
"I know," the man said much too nonchalantly for Rafael to ignore.
He turned his head slightly. "How?" Could the man be a previous convict he helped process? It wouldn't be so strange.
"I've got a job to do," the man reminded. "You need to watch your step because you're earning yourself an enemy you don't want on your back."
"I make lots of enemies — it's a never ending shift, really." If Montserrat was around, Rafael was sure she would be telling him to shut up. His mouth never seemed to do that.
"You can act all brave right now but don't think your little redhead will always be so lucky."
It was like a switch went off. Rafael's eyebrows furrowed. "What did you say?" He took a step towards the man. The latter seemed to enjoy his reaction.
"If I were you, I would take what you can and leave. You were in Brooklyn before, weren't you? Transfer again. Women — there's tons of them."
Too many things had been thrown into the air so nonchalantly that it took Rafael a couple seconds to put them together and process their meaning. "How the hell do you know—"
"It's a job," the man said sharply, sounding irritated under his mask. "I'm just telling you what I think. Is this trouble really worth it just for some woman?" He snorted. "I don't think so!"
"You should take the mask off," Rafael said curtly.
"Why?"
"Because I want to know who the hell you think you are to tell me all this stuff."
It seemed like the man was smirking under his mask. "Clever. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem like you're going to be smart about this, which leaves very little options for you and me. I need to eat so I need to get paid."
Rafael nodded earnestly as if he were truly taking in the man's words when in reality he was beyond furious. Not even the man stepping towards him managed to quell that anger in exchange for appropriate fear. When the gun came up, so did Rafael's hands but towards his right. He snatched a metal serving stand and dropped it on the side of the man's head.
He went in for the gun but the man seized his wrist, albeit wobbly since he wasn't quite right on his feet yet. Rafael used that to his advantage and yanked his captured wrist back, forcing the man forwards and close enough to strike. At the same time, Rafael's fist collided with the man's face.
He stumbled back, out of breath, and unsure of what to do next. Adrenaline and anger mixed were not a good combination. He remembered he wasn't alone then. "C-Clara? Call 911 now."
Clara pulled herself up from the floor, her entire body shaking, but managed to nod her head.
"NOW!" Rafael practically yelled at her when she didn't move. She squeaked and turned but since she didn't move fast enough, Rafael decided to go for his own phone.
Doing so didn't let him see everything. His phone was on the other side and by the time he picked it up, it was too late. He turned around, phone pressed to his ear, and saw the same gun aimed at him.
#ocapp#fd: svu#svu#rafael barba#rafael barba fics#svu fics#svu imagines#allaboutocs#ochub#law and order svu#law and order svu fics#rafael barba x oc#oc: montserrat novak#fic: dare to forget me
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YUNGBLUD Writing Challenge Masterlist
Here's a masterlist for a collection of imagines. Each imagine is based on one song from Yungblud's self-titled album.
I hope you enjoy!
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The Funeral
I Wanna Prove My Love Before I Leave
Will Graham X Reader (Hannibal)
Summary: Hannibal sent shockwaves through the lives of everyone he met. The shockwaves he left in Will's life were greater than most.
Tissues
God Forbid You Leave Me Like All the Rest Did
Rafael Barba X Reader (Law & Order: S.V.U)
Summary: Rafael's known confidence seems to lead to wires getting crossed with an S.V.U detective. However, is it possible that the confusion isn't as much confusion as it is hesitance?
Memories
Dreams of You, Wrap Around My Throat
Hannibal Lecter X Reader (Hannibal)
Summary: A view into the aftereffects of being with someone like Hannibal and not knowing the truth about him.
Cruel Kids
Don't Leave Me Alone 'Cause I Won't Survive It
Jake X Reader (Sweetbitter)
Summary: A drunk Jake shows up on (Y/n)'s doorstep in the hopes of mending something that he broke.
Mad
Maybe I'm Goin' Mad
Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto X Reader (The Bear)
Summary: After a predictably rough day, Carmy comes home pissed. (Y/n) tries to be supportive, but it's up to him to being receptive of that help.
I Cry 2
Let's Keep It Between Us, If That's What You Want to Do
Kelly Severide X Reader (Chicago Fire)
Summary: The nature of a rebound after Severide and (Y/n) find themselves at the tail ends of dumpster fires of relationships.
Sweet Heroine
I Say to Myself, 'I'm in Control of It'
Simone X Reader (Sweetbitter)
Summary: Simone and (Y/n) have an interesting arrangement to help (Y/n) on their worst days.
Sex Not Violence
Tell Me All the Secrets You've Been Hiding
Cal Roberts X Reader (The Path)
Summary: Cal wants to know more about a new resident to the compound. (Y/n) wants to focus on literally anything else.
Don't Go
Don't Ask Me If I Believe Me
Gary "Eggsy" Unwin X Reader (Kingsman)
Summary: Eggsy has sneaking suspicions about (Y/n)'s avoidance. Those suspicions lead to a very upset (Y/n) and a mission about to fall apart.
Don't Feel Like Feeling Sad Today
I Wanna Be Right Here, Right By Your Side
Dream of the Endless X Reader (The Sandman)
Summary: (Y/n) is tired of their life in the waking realm. They need an escape. Just for a day. Dream allows that chance.
Die For a Night
I Don't Know What I'm Talking About
Will Halstead X Reader (Chicago Med)
Summary: After a rough day in the E.D, Will tracks down (Y/n), who is in the middle of a dark sequence of thoughts.
The Boy in the Black Dress
You Don't Want to Lie Anymore
The Corinthian X Reader (The Sandman)
Summary: (Y/n) opens up to the Corinthian about the real reason that the two of them are really friends.
The Emperor
Sun's Gonna Shine Today
Eleventh Doctor X Reader (Doctor Who)
Summary: (Y/n) has grown tired of being dragged from adventure to adventure. When things boil over on the latest trip, they decide to confront the Doctor about what seems like avoidance.
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Navigation Guide
What I Write For
Some Original Characters
#the sandman x reader#the sandman fanfiction#the sandman imagine#fanfiction#imagine#x reader#yungblud#hannibal x reader#hannibal imagine#hannibal fanfiction#law and order svu x reader#law and order svu fanfiction#law and order svu imagine#the path x reader#the path fanfiction#the path imagine#chicago fire imagine#chicago fire fanfiction#chicago fire x reader#chicago med x reader#chicago med fanfiction#chicago med imagine#sweetbitter fanfiction#sweetbitter imagine#sweetbitter x reader#the bear imagine#the bear fanfiction#the bear x reader#kingsman x reader#kingsman fanfiction
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No Strings Ch 2
Rafael Barba x reader
Warnings: language, brief tiny mentions of smut if you squint.
“Y/L/N” Benson jolted you out of your half daydream, half paying attention to the computer in front of you, “Do me a favour, run these case files over to Barba for me, will you?” She held the file folders, dropping it gently on your desk. You looked up expectantly, but she’d already retreated to her office, no more aware about anything going on between you & A.D.A Barba. About two months back things got pretty hot and heavy. Since then you’d kept things very quiet, but had continued on with your bi-weekly shenanigans, involvement in the workplace was always frowned upon, especially in your line of work. You threw the files into your bag as you grabbed your blazer, gearing up for the walk over to the D.A’s office, it was a nice day out, so at least Olivia gave you a nice break from staring a screen for an hour or two.
Carmen nodded at you as you approached Barba’s office, knocking gently on the door frame before entering. He looked up from his paperwork, smiling gently, it had always been an added bonus to his day when you swung by, but he was happier to see you now.
“To what do I owe the pleasure?” He spoke. You smiled back, dropping a styrofoam cup of coffee in front of him.
“Thought you might need another one.”
“And you remember how I like my coffee?” He raised an eyebrow.
“I assumed black….like your soul” You smirked, Rafael rolled his eyes, taking a swig from the cup, thankful for the caffeine boost.
“And I thought you were the gentle one from SVU.” You barked back a laugh, taking a swig from your own coffee.
“Really Barba, have you met me?” He completely ignored your comment, looking back towards his work.
“Benson said you were bringing me case files, as much as I appreciate the caffeine fix, that won’t help me win the case.” He was holding back, the warmth you brought into his office was very well received, but he needed to keep up his lawyerly ways, especially inside the office.
You rolled your eyes, taking a seat across from Rafael’s desk as you dug through your bag before you pulled the files out, dropping them on his desk “Did you really think I would show up here empty handed?” You raised a brow.
“I wouldn’t put it past you to show up here with some kind of excuse.” Barba let a little smile as he picked up the files, leafing through them. You watched him, smiling as you monitored the changes in his face, he appeared satisfied and smirking as he put the files down. “Thank you, this is exactly what we needed.” You nodded at the response.
“You can thank the whole squad, not just me” You stood from your chair, ready to head back to the squad room as Rafael moved around his desk.
“I can at least thank you for the coffee, right?” He smiled, stroking your cheek with his thumb, before kissing you gently. You wrapped your arms around his neck, leaning into the kiss, this whole thing may have been very casual between the two of you, but you weren’t going to let little moments like this go to waste.
“Maybe when this whole things done with you’ll come over for dinner? Get some food in you that’s not three days old?” You suggested, pulling a smile from him.
“When this is over there’ll only be about another 30 cases left to solve” he smirked as you rolled your eyes, “But yes, that sounds great” You turned to leave the office, a swift smack on the ass told you exactly what you had to look forward to when dinner was done.
#rafael barba#rafael barba x reader#no strings#law and order#law and order svu#svu#law and order special victims unit
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“I can’t think around you.”
Rafael x fem reader
"Mr. Barba has declined your request," Carmen said, her voice apologetic.
"Did he say why?" you asked, almost desperately. You wanted so badly to sit second chair to the prosecutor, wanted to learn the court under his tutelage. You considered him a mentor, and a friend. So, why was he declining to teach you in the courtroom?
"He didn't," she replied, "but you know how he is; he likes to work alone."
You nodded, crestfallen. There was no way you were letting this go, though. You'd talk to him that night, after Carmen went home.
**********
Just as you predicted, Rafael was sitting at his desk, his office light low as he worked. He scribbled along on his legal pad, cross referencing laws with a massive book laid open on his desk. You knocked on his open door, and he let out a soft, "come in," without looking up.
You came to his desk, then sat across from him, waiting. He continued writing down whatever his thought was, then finally looked up. Surprised flashed in his eyes before he masked it with cool professionalism.
"How can I help you--"
"You know why I'm here, Rafael."
"...you want to know why I refused your request to sit second chair." He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. He looked tired, the years and years of hard work evident on his face.
"I'm not mad, Rafa. I just want to know. You've been such a help for me, taking me under your wing here in your office. What's changed?"
He looked up at you. "The courtroom is different than work here. Here, I can be myself with you. I can laugh and...and I don't have to focus as hard."
"I...I don't understand. You're always so focused and professional in the courtroom--"
"But with you there, I can't be. I--I can't think when I'm around you! The case, the defendant, the judge and jury--it all goes away the moment I see you."
You had never seen Rafael so...disheveled before. Even when in his office, chuckling about something, he exuded such professionalism. "What're you saying, Rafa?"
He sighed heavily. "I'm saying that you cannot sit second chair to me, not because of anything you did, but because it would be...unprofessional to work with you when I feel so strongly about you."
You blinked, stunned. Did he just tell you he liked you? "Rafa--"
"I'm not expecting you to say anything back, I just wanted you to know why. You'll need to ask another ADA to be your mentor. I can't, I'm sorry."
You nodded. "Yeah, okay.... I understand." You stood, heading for the door before turning back to him. "And Rafa? Why don't you and I do dinner one night?"
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Merry December 2022 - Day 21
Day 21 of Merry December
Prompt: First Christmas
Fandom: Law and Order: SVU
Pairing: Rafael Barba x OFC (Molly)
Words: 815
T.W.: N/A
Summary: Do you love Christmas?
Rafael woke up that day feeling a bit blue. December was fast approaching and with it the holidays. For him, it would be another Christmas without his grandma, but there was a silver lining. He was going to spend Christmas with Molly.
They had been together for almost a year and this was going to be their first Christmas together. He already had gotten her her Christmas present, courtesy of Olivia. A beautiful necklace that he had asked Olivia to help him choose, on one of their many after-work drinks. Olivia had impeccable taste for jewelry and Rafael not so much, so it was only logical for him to enlist her help.
After getting ready, Rafael left his apartment building and the sight before him made him smile. The whole city was decorated for Christmas. “City Hall was busy last night.”, he thought, smiling. Rafael immediately decided that he was gonna take Molly on a walk through the city to admire the decorations, after work.
The day moved painfully slow. One deposition and that was it. The rest of the time was spent taking care of his paperwork backlog that was long overdue. He almost punched one of the new defense lawyers when he made a somewhat inappropriate comment about Molly, while visiting her department, but felt avenged when he heard he had his ass kicked during their court appearance. Turns out, Molly heard it too and she knew that Rafael couldn’t just kick his ass, so she took it upon herself to do so, the best way she knew how.
Eventually, their workday ended and, after dismissing Carmen for the day, Rafael made his way to Molly’s office. Knocking on the door, he was greeted by a smiling Molly. Pulling her close, he kissed her passionately, feeling her reciprocate the kiss with as much emotion as he had put into it. Grabbing her hand, he told her that he had thought it would be a good idea to go see the decorations around the city. Molly thought it would be nice to check them out and get into the holiday spirit.
Walking around the city, hand in hand, they started reminiscing on their childhood Christmas’ and how and where they were spent. It was nice to find new things they had in common, such as their favorite Christmas traditions or their favorite Christmas foods. The city was beautifully decorated, with a lot of differences between the different locations. Some even had trees, decorated with things you would find in that part of the city. It was fun seeing the differences and guessing what each part of the city would have on their tree’s.
Rafael couldn’t stop looking at Molly and falling even more in love with her. The way her eyes would light up at each different decoration was amazing to watch. It was like watching a child seeing it all for the first time and it filled his heart knowing that she was sharing that with him by her side.
In one of the many parks that exist around the city, they decided to take a break and rest a bit. While sitting there, Rafael looked up and let out a chuckle. Just above them was a branch of mistletoe. Pointing it out to Molly, he took her in his arms and kissed her, a peck on the lips at first, but that quickly evolved into a passionate make out session.
Suddenly, they heard voices approaching. They pulled away, Molly blushing like mad and Rafael chuckling at the situation. It wasn’t like they were dating in secret, but they always made sure that they kept it respectful in front of everyone. Looking back at the people walking by, Rafael saw them glancing at them and smiling.
Once they were gone, they both laughed at the situation, with Molly saying that they were acting like teenagers. He knew it was true but he didn’t mind. He thought that he should thank whoever put the mistletoe there. Molly got up and told him that she was getting hungry, so they decided to make their way to a restaurant.
Walking through the door at their favorite restaurant, near the courthouse, he saw Molly getting stunned at how beautiful it looked. She didn’t go there for lunch, instead asking someone to bring her her lunch back to the office, so that was the first time she was seeing it. The restaurant was decorated in various shades of blue and silver, which tied in nicely with the already set-in decor of the restaurant. Rafael got them a table, watching Molly being completely amazed with the décor and losing herself in it.
Rafael couldn’t help but feel like the luckiest man in the world, just because she had chosen to love him. In that moment, he knew he would do whatever it took to make her happy and safe.
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#merry december#merry december 2022#first christmas#1st christmas#law and order: svu#svu#rafael barba#ofc#rafael barba x ofc#fluff#day 21#day twenty one#ana's writings
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Talking Heads
Fandom: SVU
Pairings: Rafael Barba x oc
Description: Virginia sees a familiar face, an unpleasant one. She needs help filing a restraining order.
Cheaper one:
https://eddieheart.tumblr.com/post/690414090860052480/meet-my-oc-2
Virginia
Virginia was nothing if not a dam good actor. Her whole life she’s been pretending, pretending to be happy, to be safe, to understand, to be okay with the subtle sexism of her job.
Of course today was no different, she pretended to be happy, pretended to be safe, pretended not to see his face in the crowd.
She kept her head down and sped to the office. She pushed inside the building in a blur, not even saying hello to Carmen. She put everything she had on her desk and sunk to the floor.
Her skin was flushed and she was out of breath. She brought a hand to her face and let out a shaky breath.
She stood and raised her head to face the door. She could see him in front of her, she was startled and she jerked back.
He smirked and walked closer, she stumbled back and whimpered.
“Hey there slims.” His face twisted into something ugly as he took another step.
She let out a soft scream and pushed back into the wall. It was by the Grace of the gods that Carmen knocked on the door.
“I’m sorry Virginia, I didn’t know you had company. I can come back if now is a bad time.” She said sweetly staring at the man.
She shook her head rapidly and stood up straighter.
“No, no, sorry Carmen he was just leaving, wasn’t he.” His smirk fell and he glared at her, turning to walk out.
She let out a breath of relief and faced Carmen. 
“Thank you Carmen, if you see that man again please let me know. Also please call Lieutenant Benson and tell her I’m on my way.” She voice was shaky as she spoke.
Carmen looked at her, concern written clearly on her face.
“Are you all right Virginia?” She asked kindly.
“Yes, thank you again Carmen.” She gave a curt nod as Carmen left the room.
She took a breath to steady herself, she must’ve spent at least 20 minutes curled up in a ball by her office desk. She eventually stood back up and hailed a cab.
Normally she’d walk, she enjoys the brisk morning air. She didn’t want to chance it this time, not with him lurking around.
She made her way into Manhattan’s 16th precinct with a confident smile, even though on this inside she was screaming.
She strolled into the precinct and made her way to Olivia’s office. Like always she knocked and opened to the door without waiting.
“Virginia, Carmen said I should be expecting you. So, is this about the Stevens’ case?” She smiled politely.
“No actually, this isn’t business it’s personal. I need help getting an order of protection.” Liv’s eyes widened, shocked.
“Are you alright, against who?” Olivia leaned forward quizzically.
“I’m fine, it’s a man named Riordan Watts. I can’t file it myself, so I need you’re help. I used to have one but it expired recently.” Liv seemed confused but didn’t question her.
Virginia took a deep breath.
“Did he threaten you in any way, harass and or abuse you?” She knew this was just parent of the procedure doesn’t mean she liked it.
“Not recently, because of the last order.” Olivia nodded, wrote something down and looked back up.
“And what’s your relation with him?”
“Nothing by blood, look this is all in the other order, I just need help extend it. I’m not allowed to do it for myself. I asked.” She looked down, confidence faltering slightly.
Liv took her glasses off and sighed. She nodded and looked up to her.
“I can get this to Barba, he can get an extension.” Her heart skipped a beat.
She didn’t want her hero to look into her past, but she didn’t really trust anybody else. She nodded and stood, thanking Liv before leaving the office.
It was only a few days later, when Virginia was on her way to court, that Rafael showed up. Clad in an expensive, pristine suit and his signature smirk.
Virginia grabbed her bag and was about to head out the door. Rafael slipped into her office. She turned around and was startled to see him there, she laughed softly at herself.
“Hello Rafael, I’m just on my way to court. What can I do for you?” She smiled in his direction and his smile faltered slightly.
“It’s about the order of protection, I filed with the court. Judge denied, said that it’s been long enough that he isn’t a threat anymore. I’m sorry.” Her smile fell.
She looked down and grabbed her things more frantically. She violently stuffed files into her bag and approches the door again.
“Thank you Rafael, but I’ve got to get to court.” She walked past him and didn’t look back.
Chapter three:
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Delete the Twitter app, Mr. Barba
In which Rafael Barba deletes the Twitter app because of the Householder case, and Carmen babysits him.
Accidental Feminist Icon
The last thing on Rafael Barba’s mind when he was in the hospital room with Maggie Householder was his online reputation. Once he’d turned himself in and been released on his own recognizance, however, he opened his phone to call mami and instead saw hundreds of Twitter notifications, emails from people whose names he didn’t recognize, and missed calls and voicemails from unfamiliar numbers. He didn’t touch Twitter, texting Carmen to ask how bad it was and she advised him to delete the application until at least after the trial. When he went home, mami was there and just as disappointed as he expected. There were tears the minute she saw him, but not any offered comfort.
“You murdered a child, mijo.”
“You don’t understand, mami. No lo viste. El no estaba realmente vivo.”
“Esa fue la decisión de Dios. No es tu decisión. Tu abuela estaría tan decepcionada de ti.”
“No estoy de acuerdo. Si estás aquí para regañarme, vete a casa.”
“Te llevo a la confesión.”
“Vete a casa, mami. Me confesaré cuando esté lista.”
“Rafa-”
“Go home.”
Lucia stormed out, and Rafael went inside his apartment and went straight for the scotch he kept aside. It wasn’t his good scotch. It was the cheap one that burned his throat and left him sicker than he ever was the next day. Before twisting off the cap, he heeded Carmen’s advice, deleting the Twitter app as he dropped to the couch and began to drink. It was only eleven, not even noon, but he didn’t want to remember what had transpired the day before. He should wade through his email, but someone had posted it. He knew because it was referenced time and time again that they’d found his personal email via some Twitter thread or Subreddit or something else he hadn’t yet encountered. He’d had to mute his phone as phone calls rolled in; the only one he answered confirmed it was strangers from the Internet who had seen the news. Carmen called it getting cancelled when it happened to other people. That usually didn’t involve the loss of a life, so the term seemed not quite right for what was happening, especially given the fact this included more than just the people he was used to. People who had never encountered him were hearing about him in the news.
He ignored Olivia’s calls, considering the morning’s interactions enough. As he drank, Rafael was able to filter unknown numbers and messages, tossing the phone aside and quickly finishing the bottle. Olivia came by, and he didn’t answer, choosing to lay back on the couch as the room spun around him. Carmen texted him, and he didn’t look. An hour later, he heard her outside of his door with Olivia and unlocking he apartment for her. He’d given her a key long ago so she could get files or suits or drop off leftovers. Both of them came in, and it suddenly dawned on him that he had his suspenders down and shirt open over his undershirt. He’d spilled the most recent tumbler over himself with the pizza he’d ordered. And now, they could see him like this, eyes rimmed red and mood unstable as he thought more than he could about himself.
“Mr. Barba,” Carmen said softly, kneeling by him. Olivia stayed closer to the door, surveying the room. By the nature of their constant proximity, Carmen had seen the tail end or starts of Rafael getting frustrated, though he always pressed it down with a glass of scotch and good meal. That said, she’d found him too drunk after a trial didn’t go his way. Seen him frustrated as he went through a case he may not be able to do anything about it. Caught him yelling at paperwork as though something would happen. She’d also seen him the next mornings when he came in pretending not to be insanely hungover and was wearing the suit from his office.
“I’m fine.”
“No you aren’t. Is this what happens between an eight o’clock bourbon and the office suit?”
“Shut up, Carmen.”
“Don’t talk to me like that. I’m helping you.”
“Sorry,” he said with a huff as his hand ran down his face, and Olivia had to stifle a laugh at how properly embarrassed he looked. “My email and phone are bad. How bad is Twitter?”
“Medium. A lot of people understand. Or they feel that they can’t understand, so they’ll watch the story.”
“People understand murder?” he scoffed.
“No. No one does. But we all understand how impossible your choice was. How badly the parents were hurting.”
“I was too selfish to do it for my dad.”
“I know, Mr. Barba. But people want to know how long until they hear more. Want people to wait. Can see why you did it. It’ll blow over. We can change your number and your email. Twitter has a really handy button. Block.”
“My name’s Rafael.”
“You’re my boss.”
“Not for long,” he chuckled bitterly before his gaze softened. “All I wanted was for people not to hurt.”
“You need to go to bed, Rafa.” It was Olivia now, and his eyes suddenly snapped open. It was different when it was Olivia. They were friends, but they kept things to work. Other than the occasional group event, they’d grab dinner after work. She didn’t hear him debate pocket squares or see him drunk alone in his office or help him think of replies on Twitter. He’d probably lose his friendship with Carmen once he wasn’t in the office, he supposed. She humored her boss a lot more than she probably should.
“I’m fine, Liv.” It came with more of a snort than he liked, and he was suddenly pulling himself up to sit, wrapping his shirt around himself as though it were a cardigan. Carmen watched he was steady, and Olivia was sure she now knew what she’d looked like when Noah was learning to walk on his own with her hand on his back to keep him upright. Once things passed, she wanted to ask if Rafael was always this willing to be relaxed around Carmen, but she wasn’t sure she really wanted to know.
“I don’t think I’m helping things,” Olivia said softly, and Carmen gave a gentle nod.
“My son’s with my mom for a visit. I’ll take care of him.”
“You’re sure? I can call Lucia.”
“I’m fine, lieutenant. And mami has already been here.”
“Make sure he meets with an attorney tomorrow.”
“I make his calendar. I know.”
“You two can stop talking about me like I’m not here,” he grumbled, heels pressed against his eyes. “I’m drunk, not deaf.”
“You’re belligerent, counsellor.”
“Call me Rafael,” he said again, flopping onto the couch when Olivia had left again.
“I thought Lieutenant Benson was your best friend, Rafael.”
“She is, I guess. Is that sad? My best friend used to be Alex, but I pursued that case. As if mami needed more reason to hate me.”
“You don’t act like you in front of her. Not all the way.”
“This isn’t me.”
“It’s you without a carefully constructed persona.”
“If that’s the case, I suppose you’re my best friend, Miss Frye.” She’d expected to see a bemused smirk or annoyed scowl, but Carmen was taken aback by how sincere he looked as his hand moved to rest on her forearm and squeeze as well as he could.
“My name’s Carmen,” she teased. “Now come on. You need to go to bed.”
“My suit will get wrinkled.”
“I’ll hang it for you.”
“You can sleep in the guest room. It’s not safe for you to go-” His eyes were suddenly wide. “Carmen, where’s Ollie?”
“With my mom. I told her you needed me for a couple days.”
“You don’t need to disrupt your life.”
“I’ll tell you a secret Mist- Rafael.”
“What?” he asked, flopping into bed where she’d pulled the blanket down once he managed to strip to his boxers.
“You’re my best friend too.” She tugged the blanket over him, pressing a gentle kiss to his temple. He smiled up at her, and she made her way out turning off the lights. It seemed silly to say it to someone like him, but they’d worked together a long time, had a lot of late night talks. She liked him more than a lot of people she knew, and saw him more than anyone outside of her family.
Carefully, she cleaned his living room, dumping his other bottle of cheap scotch out and disposing of both before setting up the coffee to brew at seven, just in time to have him at an attorney’s office by nine. McCoy had approved her to work from wherever she needed to in order to keep Rafael functioning. She’d have been miserable helping Peter Stone with this trial anyway. They both knew about his father, and it seemed he may be a ticking time bomb. She logged into his twitter, going on a blocking spree as she explored his mentions, tweeting from her own account and his that she’d done it and retweeting it from his account.
She also liked all the kind ones. The ones asking for understanding or expressing empathy. The ones that acknowledged he had an impossible choice and neither one would have sat well with their own conscious. Leave a child and his family to suffer without end or expedite the inevitable. Then there were his direct messages. Since getting verified, he had the ability to only see messages from people he followed. As she combed through, there were a couple of hateful messages she ignored, but most who knew him expressed understanding and a couple even included leads if he wanted out of the city. She marked those down in her notes app before falling asleep in the guest bedroom.
The sound that greeted her in the morning was Rafael Barba vomiting as the coffee machine roared to life in the background. Silently, she ordered ginger tea and vitamin b12 for delivery, going to fetch the pedialyte she’d brought from home. When he came out, hair wet from a shower, she’d already brewed him tea, cooked breakfast, and given him an expectant look as she slid a glass of unnaturally purple electrolytes to him. He didn’t know what to say, so he took the proffered glas and took a long sip before wincing.
“Grape,” she said plainly.
“Grapes don’t taste like that.”
“Ollie likes it okay. I make him popsicles though.”
“He’s old enough for popsicles? Isn’t he still on milk?”
“Rafael, he’s two. He drinks milk, but he even eats.”
“Does he like books yet?”
“He does. He really likes being read to.”
“I’ll read to him next time I see him.” He was quiet for a moment, and when he spoke again, his voice was thick. “Do you play him music?”
“Some. Usually my playlists.”
“Play him Bach.”
“You’ll have to tell me what’s best to play him.”
“I’ll send you a playlist.”
“Why Bach?” She watched as his jaw shifted from side to side, lips pressed together, and that told her all she needed to know. “Drew liked Bach?”
“He’d never know if he liked Bach. Maggie was playing one of his cantatas.”
“Maybe we can take him to an orchestra one day.”
“There are some shows. Kid friendly.”
“He’d like that.”
“I’ll send it to you.”
“You’ll come, won’t you?”
“Me?”
“It’s your idea.”
“You’d still let me around your son?”
“My son is a healthy vibrant boy. If he was in the same situation as Drew, it would be hard, but I’d still want you there. You did exactly what I would have done for him, okay?”
“Did you mean what you said last night?”
“Which part?”
“The last part.”
“You probably are my best friend. And that hasn’t changed. I wish you didn’t have to be put in the situation, but I would hope I’d have been strong enough to do the same. And other people agree with me.”
“God, you’re not actually looking at Twitter.”
“I looked at Twitter. I blocked anyone vitriolic. But, I collected all the kind ones in your favorites for when you’re ready. A lot of your attorney friends have job leads for you if you leave the DA’s office.”
“I’m leaving. And I’m probably going to fucking prison. You’ll be down a friend in a few months.”
“Stop it.”
“They’ll end me in there, Carmen. I sent some of them there.” She wasn’t sure what to make at how at peace with the prospect he was.
“And you won’t go to prison. Don’t focus on that. Even if you do, they’ll have to do something to protect you. And I’ll come visit you.”
“You barely know me.”
“We spend more time together than I do with anyone else. I know you’re good, you have a good heart, you send birthday presents to every SVU detective’s kid and think I don’t know you send them coffee gift cards on their birthdays. You’re a total mama’s boy and despite what a snarky prick you are, you have imposter syndrome out the ass. You’re lapsed enough Catholic not to go to church, but you pray when things are really bad. I also know some part of your brain feels like you’ve let down people who think you do good work by this one thing, but one bad doesn’t outweigh an exorbitant amount of good. I hope Ollie has half of the ethical backbone you do. I know there have been occasions in the past you weren’t perfect, but the man I’ve known deserves every ounce of credit he gets. That doesn’t mean you’ve never made a mistake.”
“You’re ridiculous,” he muttered, and much to his chagrin, Carmen wrapped him in a hug that he returned, refusing to look at her. He was suddenly aware he’d cry if he looked at what he knew was a genuine smile. “I’ve got to get dressed to see an attorney.”
“Who are you going with?”
“Randy Dworkin.”
“He’ll be good.”
“I hate to admit that. And I’m sure I’ll hate every second with him.”
“How about you teach me about Bach this afternoon?”
“You have work.”
“McCoy approved me to be remote.”
“So you’re my sitter?” She could almost swear a smile pulled at the corner of his lip, and she felt pride she didn’t expect.
“I suppose. So Bach?”
“Bring Ollie?”
“Deal.”
#rafael barba#rafael barba x reader#law and order#law and order svu#law and order special victims unit#Rafael Barba x Carmen
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Decisions
Rafael Barba x Fem! Reader
Warnings: None.
Word Count: 4.3k
“How are things at home?”
Yet another splitting headache was beginning to creep its way to the front of Rafael’s skull as his eyes remained trained on the mounds of papers piled and spread out in front of him. There was no amount of cups of overly caffeinated coffee that would soothe the ache of his mind. As long as he was sitting at his desk in the ungodly late hours of the night, continuing to prep and stress over this case, that painful pound in his head wasn’t going anymore.
The pressure in his chest was unchanging, and each sigh that he released in an attempt to relieve it grew heavier and heavier. His jaw was likely to be sore within a few hours due to the way he was clenching it, and his shoulders would be stiff and slow to move from the way they were tensed nearly to his ears.
Rafael was far from comfortable as he sat at his desk, working away to the point that he couldn’t possibly focus on anything else. He practically had tunnel vision, and all he could see was his work. He couldn’t see the fact that everyone else in the building had left long ago and at a reasonable time. Rafael, though, had really only just been getting started.
Carmen had been one of the last ones to leave, and Rafael had noted that she had left just as the sun had set, which gave him about half of a second to process that he was working late.
Carmen was Rafael’s saving grace more often than not. She had been his assistant/secretary long enough that she knew him backwards and forwards. She knew that waiting for him to leave was usually a bad idea, considering that he sometimes didn’t leave his office at night. She had briefly poked her head into Rafael’s office, telling him to text her if he needed her assistance. Rafael had given her a slight wave and an even shorter goodbye, not even breaking his trance as he continued to work himself to death.
That was nearly seven hours ago, but in Rafael’s mind it had only happened within the last half hour. Rafael always seemed to lose all track and any concept of time when this happened. When he fell into this rabbit hole (which happened more often than it should’ve), he had zero comprehension of seconds, minutes, or hours. It never registered in his mind just how much time had passed until he finished his work and took a moment to look at the clock. He let time slip by with ease, and this current case was no different.
The trial was beginning in two days. In the last week, it had become the victim of the media, the news sucking it empty and beating it to death before it even really got started. Rafael was bait for this broadcasted feeding frenzy, and those sharp teeth and aggressive sharks that he often called the media were swimming closer and closer with each passing day.
Rafael had the next 48 hours to prepare his opening statement and to ensure that all of his evidence and witnesses were credible and ready to go. He had a lot to do, and not a lot of time to do it. This case had been taking a toll on him...significantly more than cases usually did. He had been drinking his well dry and grinding his bones to nothing more than dust for the possible guaranteed success of this trial.
Maybe it was because he had lost the last two cases, or because he felt as if his career had hit a dry spell and he was losing his touch. He refused to accept that maybe he wasn’t the best of the best anymore. He was the Rafael Barba. His name was one of Brooklyn’s former and Manhattan’s current best criminal prosecutors that would ever go down in history. He wasn’t ready to give up on himself.
He wasn’t entirely sure what was happening. Whatever it was, it was taking an explosive toll on himself that was burning him alive.
And it was beginning to affect more people in his life than just himself.
In the middle and in the midst of his descent into paperwork madness, there was one other singular thought that was spinning around on the record disk in the back of his mind. Up until this point, Rafael had been harboring the remorse and keeping the guilt that he felt at bay. He didn’t have time to feel the shame and regret right now. An apology could wait. It could come later when Rafael wasn’t busy with this trial.
But the reason that Rafael couldn’t let it go was because he knew that was wrong of him to think that way.
He hadn’t seen much of you this week. In the last few days, his interactions with you had been slim to none. It had been a half-hearted kiss when he left early in the mornings (if he had even come home the night before), and brief text messages once or twice a day that at least let you know he hadn’t keeled over from exhaustion.
You knew that a busy and unpredictable schedule was part of his job. It was one of those things that just came with the territory. He maintained a high stress career that dealt with a lot of high stress people and situations. You knew this, and you had become accustomed to it over the last couple of years. He would nearly run himself into the ground until the trial was over, and then he’d bounce back within a few days. He’d work and assemble a few more cases over the course of the following months, and he’d be perfectly fine until the next big case came along.
It was a monotonous routine that he had gotten himself into. His life had fallen into this rhythm and remained in this steady pattern for so long that he barely remembered a time where he wasn’t working. But it was his life, and he was content with it.
From the get go, you knew that he had taken this new case to heart. You knew he had a streak of losses that was well on its way to forming, and you also knew that Rafael didn’t always take losing well. He would be damned if he allowed himself to lose a third case in a row, and you had watched him get himself to this point.
You knew that the trial was beginning in just two days, and that now it was crunch time for him. It hurt you to see him like this. It was the worst feeling in the world to know that your lover was so burnt out and so run down. You hadn’t expected him to come home that night, but when 8 o’clock had rolled around and you had yet to hear from him that day, you became worried. The cell phone in your hand felt heavy as you went to pick out his caller ID from your recents folder. Your intentions were purely innocent as you called him, and all you had wanted was to check on him.
You held the phone to your ear, listening to the ringing on the other line as you waited for him to pick up. He did pick up after the first three rings, but you were NOT met with the greeting that you had anticipated. You didn’t expect him to be all bubbly and in a good mood by any means, but you surely weren’t prepared for him to be angry that you had called to check on him.
Rafael didn’t even allow you to get a word in. He tore into you like he was a hungry tiger on a fresh piece of meat. Just as fast as his finger had slid across the screen to answer, he was unloading a week’s worth of stress, insecurity, and frustration onto you in a matter of seconds, all because you had innocently interrupted him.
Before you could even process anything that he had said, the other line went dead and you were left back in the silence of your living room. Very rarely did Rafael ever get angry with you. Irritated and frustrated, yes -- but the amount of times that he had been genuinely pissed off at you, you could count on one hand.
This was out of character. Something was definitely not right. Perhaps it was natural instincts or just how well you knew Rafael Barba, but you were certain that he needed you. You spent the next hour getting ready and calling in a late night to-go dinner order to be picked up on your way to his office. You knew this was a bit of a risk, because based on the way that Rafael had reacted over the phone, he was probable to act just as hostile when you got there.
But you were just as stubborn as he was, and at least bringing him dinner and laying eyes on him would offer you some peace of mind.
So maybe this really wasn’t such a great idea.
Against your better judgement, your knuckles rapped on the wooden door of his office to alert him of your presence. A few moments passed with no response, and there didn’t seem to be any audible noise coming from inside. That didn’t mean he wasn’t there, however, considering that Rafael was always silent when he worked. You knocked again, a bit louder this time. Another few moments went by with no response. You could see the dim light creeping from underneath the door, letting you know that he was indeed inside.
Your hand involuntarily went to the doorknob, the cold metal chilling the inside of your hand as you turned it. Pushing gently and quietly, you opened his office door to allow yourself inside. You were met with a dark interior, any source of light being sucked out due to the absent sunshine outside. The lighting was nearly absent, minus the steady burning lightbulb from Rafael’s desk lamp. The warm lighting cascaded over Rafael’s tired body, his features looking so much more aged and run down than usual.
Any sliver of anger or hurt that you held from his previous behavior was gone in an instant at the sight of him so vulnerably tired. If you were being honest, he looked terrible. The dark circles under his eyes were visible all the way from where you stood at the door and the anxious bouncing of his leg under the desk vibrated his entire body.
His eyes were glued to the notepad on his desk that was surrounded with crumpled pieces of paper that you knew to be discarded rough drafts of his opening statement. The lined pages of his notepad were nearly blurry at this point for how long he had stared at them. His hand gripped his favorite black ink pen with no intention of letting go anytime soon, scribbling notes and words onto the paper that he was hardly even comprehending.
Rafael was flying on autopilot, and his years of training and experience were taking over. He hadn’t heard the door open, nor noticed you standing at the front of his office. If you were going to bail and avoid possibly getting screamed at again, then now was your last chance. But you didn’t leave. The thought didn’t even cross your mind.
Because he needed you too much.
“Rafael?”
His head snapped up at the sound of your voice. The sweet voice that belonged to the woman that he loved most. The woman that had been there for him through thick and thin. The woman who had changed his heart for the better. The woman who had shown him that there was much more to life than he was allowing to happen.
His saving grace.
He was stunned for a moment from being abruptly brought back from his trance. He stared at you for a moment, noting how you were standing rigidly with anticipation for a reaction from him. He saw the worry in your face, and the desperation of just wanting to help him.
And suddenly, he felt like a complete jerk.
He realized how badly he had treated you just an hour or so before. He had taken out his feelings on you. He knew that wasn’t fair, because of all the people in his life, you were the one who cared about him the most.
For the first time in hours, Rafael’s shoulders relaxed and his face rested. He released his writing utensil, the cramping muscles in his hand settling as he did so. His entire body gave in, finally allowing itself to rest. That was the kind of solace effect that you had on Rafael Barba. And that was really saying something.
“Mi amor...” He greeted in his softest voice, half in surprise and half in adoration, “You’re here.”
His legs were sore and tense as he stood, considering that he had not been on his feet since before Carmen had left around dinnertime. His calm response granted you access inside, your free hand closing the door behind you as he met you halfway in the middle of his office. Despite his much more amiable demeanor compared to earlier, you were careful with your wording and replies.
“I...I figured you hadn’t eaten yet.” You offered a generous smile, the grip on the to go bag of food tightening.
That was when he noticed the scent of his preferred Chinese cuisine, a personal favorite of his when it came to working around the clock. As if on cue, his stomach rumbled audibly in response to the smell of the food. He was practically starving, because he hadn’t eaten since breakfast that morning...and even then it wasn’t much more than three cups of coffee and half of a bagel.
Rafael couldn’t seem to form words. A thank you just seemed so menial. Here you were at his office at God only knows what time of the night, just to bring him dinner to make sure he was taken care of. He owed you much more than a thank you. You deserved so much more than that. No amount of statements of appreciation would ever suffice for all of the things you had done for him.
Still, words of appreciation fell from his tired mouth.
“Thank you, angel.” He said simply, taking the warm brown paper bag from your hands. He had to say something else to let you know he wanted you to stay. He didn’t want you to leave. “What time is it?” He questioned.
You turned your left wrist to look at your watch, reading the arrows to see where they pointed.
“A little after 1:30.” You announced.
Rafael only groaned. He had known it was late, but he didn’t realize that it was that late. He had lost track of how long he had been working, but it didn’t seem to matter very much at this point.
Neither of you said anything else. You only continued to look at one another with eyes of uncertainty and avoidance of what really needed to be said. Rafael hadn’t addressed what he had done, and you hadn’t told him how it had made you feel. Was it worth mentioning now? You had forgiven him just as fast as it had happened and he felt a huge amount of remorse for it. But Rafael’s number one rule was that he never, ever let tension go undiscussed or unresolved.
“Have you eaten?” Rafael asked, deciding to work his way up to that conversation.
In your worry about him and then your mad dash to get to his office to follow, dinner had slipped you by. You shook your head at him as a no.
“No, I didn’t eat.” You answered.
“I’ll split mine with you.” He gave his signature half grin.
“Oh, Raf, I can’t. It’s all for you.” You declined, knowing that he needed the energy more than you did.
“Come on. You know me. I can never finish a whole carton on my own,” He remarked, walking back to his desk and gesturing to one of the chairs in front of it, “Stay with me.”
Stay with me. The words rang into the air and floated around in your head for a few seconds longer than usual. There was so much more weight to them than what was on the surface. Rafael wasn’t telling you to stay. He was begging you to stay.
Because he needed you to be there with him.
The familiar chair was just as stiff, yet comfortable as it usually was. It was where you normally sat when you visited him at his office, and you had grown to actually quite like it over time. Rafael pushed his work aside, because if he had read the words he had written any more, he might’ve fainted. He opened the bag, revealing three neatly arranged cartons containing one of his favorite dinners.
He divided the food evenly, giving you half and keeping half for himself. He ate like a starved man, putting a dent into his portion before you even had a chance to take a single bite.
“How’s the case going?” You questioned, stifling a giggle at his ravage eating, “And swallow before you answer. I don’t want you to choke.”
Rafael himself chuckled, swallowing dutifully and slowing his motions to keep from getting food lodged in his windpipe.
“It’s going. I’ve still got a ways to go,” Rafael answered, not even giving his work another look over, “How are things at home?”
Home. Rafael almost laughed as soon as the word left his mouth. Who was he to ask you about home? The place that he should’ve been, but wasn’t. Home had been so under his radar that he hadn’t even given home a second thought. The two of you had worked extremely hard to make your home a safe space. A place of comfort and rest, and a place to safely lay your head down at night.
But home wasn’t home when you weren’t both there.
Rafael knew he was being unfair. He had robbed you of the full experience of being home by his absence. He was the missing piece of home that he knew that you had been missing. And yet, you cared about him, loved him, and respected him enough to not even utter a single word about it.
“Quiet...lonely,” You admitted, keeping your eyes trained on the fork that you were poking at your food with, “I miss you.”
His heart shattered into a million pieces. The guilt washed over him like a summer ocean tide. The guilt wrapped around him and squeezed to the point where it was the only thing he could feel. He knew that he could do better than this. He had to do better than this. Even though you had bestowed upon him all the patience that you had to offer, he knew that patience would run out eventually.
And he’d never forgive himself if he let you slip through his fingers.
“Mi amor...” He breathed, setting his own food container down from the sudden lack of appetite, “I’m sorry.”
On the surface, it wasn’t his fault. His work was beyond important. He valued his job and his career, and you respected those feelings. Rafael had a mission in life to bring justice to those who deserved it, to those who needed the closure. As much of his life that revolved around work, Rafael had always known that his life wasn’t work. The part that was his fault was the fact that he sometimes chose work over the part of his life that mattered more.
And that part was you.
It was a conscious choice that he had to make each time. He had to make the decision of where his time and his attention belonged. Did his energy belong at his office desk, or at home in your presence? It was a choice that he had made over and over again, countless times had he been presented with this choice. And there had been far too many times where he chose the wrong one.
“It’s okay, Raf. I get it.” You looked at him with a gentle smile, but he could see the hurt behind your pools of beauty.
“It’s not okay,” Rafael stood from his desk chair, slowly walking to the front of his desk to be closer to where you sat, “I haven’t been fair to you. You don’t deserve this.”
Rafael was right in the sense that you would never really tell him how it made you feel. You’d always choose to spare his feelings and be reluctant to speak. The catch was that Rafael knew you. He had learned how to gauge how you felt without you saying it. One good look into your storybook eyes, and Rafael could see the full picture.
And right now, you were hurt.
“I’m not the only part of your life,” Your foot came to playfully nudge him in an attempt to ease the atmosphere, “I understand that.”
“No, but you are the most important,” Rafael returned, holding his hand out to you, “Come here.”
Your hands slid into one another perfectly, like they were exquisitely molded together for the other. Your skin was still rather chilled from the wintery New York City air outside. His warmth from the safety of his office spread into your hold, the lightest of sighs exhaling from your chest as he guided you up from your seated position.
He couldn’t fathom how he had gotten so lucky. How had he been graced with the best woman to ever walk into his life? He didn’t deserve you. He wasn’t worthy of your abundance of patience and love. All the things you had done for him and all of the things that you had allowed him to see and experience. He’d never understand how he had been so blessed. And he still sometimes didn’t take the time to be grateful for it all.
The metal clips of his suspenders were cold on your forearms as they rested just below the tops of his shoulders. His planted hands were firm on your waist, keeping you pulled in close to him to savor the feeling of you.
“Rafael, I’m not mad.” You giggled quietly, pushing a loose strand of hair from his forehead.
“I know, but you should be, angel. You should be absolutely furious with me.” Rafael replied, disappointment in himself written all over his features.
His heart nearly melted at the way your eyebrows knitted in innocent confusion. He was such a fool for letting even a single moment go by without making you feel loved. He had to do better, because he knew that he could do better.
“Why?” You asked.
“Because you deserve more than what I’ve been giving you.” Rafael admitted.
“Oh, Raf. I’m happy with us. I’m happy with you.” You grinned, toying with one of the buttons on his shirt.
You were so much better than him. He’d never let himself forget that. No amount of grand apologies would make him feel resolved for the way he had been acting. All he could do was let you know that he was sorry, and do everything he could to be better to you.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for getting upset with you and for hurting your feelings,” Rafael apologized, “I’m sorry for not being there.”
Holding a grudge had never been your style, especially when it came to Rafael. You were soft for him, and definitely sweet on him. You could never stay mad at him, if you were ever mad at all. You loved him too much to waste time being petty over something that wouldn’t matter in ten years. You wanted to use all the room in your heart to love him.
And love him, you did.
“You’re here now. And that’s all I want,” You smiled.
He kissed you then, maybe rather abruptly, but kissed you nonetheless. It was the most meaningful kiss that you had shared in weeks. It was passionate, careful, and amorous. Your lips were supple against his, and your mouths danced together in perfect harmony. He had missed all of you. He didn’t want to have to ever miss you again.
And he knew that was up to him.
“I love you. I really do.” Rafael professed, his forehead falling to yours.
“I love you,” You returned, “How about we finish dinner and then head home? Or do you need to stay here?”
Rafael knew he shouldn’t have had to think about it, but he did ponder his decision. He really did have a lot more work to do...but he wouldn’t be able to do it efficiently knowing that he had sent you home alone. That would’ve been too far, even for him.
This was his first step in his whole “be a better boyfriend” philosophy. He wanted to treat your relationship as if it would vanish into thin air if he didn’t take it more to heart. Because he knew, at some point, that would hold true.
Loving you was the easy part. Loving you was what he wanted to do every day for the rest of his life. If he could have it his way, then every hour, minute, and second he would spend wrapped up in you. He knew that wasn’t possible, but he made it his mission to take every chance he was gifted to be with you.
Because you were a chance that he did not want to lose.
“I’m all yours, mi amor.”
#rafael barba#rafael barba x reader#rafael barba x you#rafael barba x female reader#rafael barba x y/n#rafael barba x fem! reader#rafael barba fanfiction#rafael barba fluff#rafael barba angst#law and order svu#law and order fanfiction#law and order barba#detectivesvu
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Dandelions - R.B.
Pairing: Rafael Barba x Reader
Rating: PG13
Warnings: BRIEF SMALL TINY MENTION OF SUICIDE (not main character) mutual but oblivious pining, crushing, FLUFF
A/N: all !!! the !!! feels !!!
Based on the song Dandelions by Ruth B
"Maybe it's the way you say my name.
Maybe it's the way you play your game.
But it's so good, I've never known anyone like you ."
The whole squad knew you and Rafael liked each other, that much was for sure. It was obvious, with the flirty banter constantly echoing between the two of you. In fact, they were sure that everyone knew, except the two of you. The looks the two of you managed to sneak at one another when the other's back was turned made the squad's hearts swell. The problem was, the two of you were convinced that the other was just being overly nice. How could you not? A new detective and the star ADA? It was asking for trouble and paperwork that you were sure that neither of you wanted.
That didn't change Rafael's slight obsession with you from growing with every waking moment. You had a heart of gold, and your genuine kindness was one of the things that made you an asset to the team. You had a way with victims, your pure sunshine convincing even the most stubborn of them to confront their abuser in court. He admired how much courage you gave these women to share their story.
You of course were no better, with your favoritism for the man. You brought him coffee when he stayed late, even dinner if you had enough time to grab it. His assistant, Carmen, had picked up on this and eventually she figured out that the two of you liked each other. She made a point to grab your number and to text you if the man was having a particularly harsh day, in which you would swing by with coffee for the rescue. The squad had taken bets one day, trying to figure out when and which one of you would finally crack and admit it.
Carisi had taken the long bet, committing to over 6 months from that point and that it would be Barba. Liv and Amanda, the hopeful romantics, wagered on Barba spilling in 2-3 months. Fin, to everyone's surprise, bet on you in 2 weeks, hoping the two of you would just bonk already. They each placed twenty dollars into an envelope that got tucked into Olivia's desk and not another word was spoken about it, until 3 weeks later.
"And I see forever in your eyes
I feel okay when I see you smile."
This case had been especially hard on everyone. The weight of it, however, had fallen particularly hard on you. You had pushed and pushed the victim to testify, convincing her that it would help assuage her pain. She ultimately had, but the defense had torn her to shreds on the stand. After leaving the courtroom, the victim drove home and threw herself off the roof of her building. You had lost it when you reached the scene, convinced it was your fault. Carisi had to hold you up and drive you back to the precinct to calm down, too afraid to drive you home to be alone. Barba obviously had seen the whole thing, his heart shattering at the cries leaving your body.
He had made a point to return to the precinct with Liv to discuss what they were going to do from this point forward. When he entered, he saw you cuddled into Carisi's side, sipping on coffee, wearing police issued sweats. Rafael's heart was set aflame at the sight of you snuggled close with someone who wasn't him. That was supposed to be his job, and here was Carisi stealing the light from him. He didn't even get a chance to fight the urge before he rushed over to you two.
"(Y/N), are you okay? You know this isn't your fault," he rushed out.
You sighed deeply, beginning to reply before Sonny cut you off, "(Y/N)? Since when are you two on a first name basis?"
"I'm okay, Counselor, thank you. I just didn't expect her to do that. I really thought I had gotten through to her in the hallway after her testimony. I told her that she had nothing to worry about," your voice trailed off as the tears resurfaced in her eyes.
Carisi began rubbing your back again, trying to coach you through another episode. Barba drank in the sight, his eyes narrowing in anger. If he disliked the man before this incident, the hatred was only intensifying by the second. He huffed before muttering that he'd be right back and marching off into Liv's office.
Your eyes crinkled in confusion, dismissing the man's weird behavior as stress from the case. But, Carisi knew better, because he knew exactly what was running through Barba's head at the moment. Carisi excused himself, claiming to need to use the restroom, leaving you in your lonesome. It wasn't a few more minutes before Rafael had returned from your boss's office before taking a seat next to you. Unbeknownst to you, the ADA and Olivia had not been talking about the case, but rather, you.
"(Y/N), talk to me. Are you really okay," he asked softly, turning to you.
"Well of course not. This is at least partly my fault. I pushed her to her limit and then forced her in front of Buchanan. I did this to her," you muttered out, tears streaming down your face.
Rafael reached a shaky and nervous hand out to you, beginning to rub your back with just the pads of his fingertips. His heart hammered in his chest, sure that you were going to freak out at him touching you. You, much to his astonishment, relaxed into his touch, allowing his hand to make full contact with your back. You were just as nervous as he was, hoping that you weren't crossing some sort of line with the older man. He moved again, this time to move your hair out of your face. You looked up at him through your eyelashes, making eye contact with him.
The moment seemed so right to you, with him staring into your eyes. You knew that if you didn't take the chance now, that you were going to end up missing it all together. You leaned in slowly, pressing a soft kiss to his lips, letting yourself linger for a moment before pulling away. The look of pure shock on his face was enough to make you jump to your feet, mumbling an apology before rushing off to the bathroom, bumping into Carisi on the way. He looked down at your figure on the ground before you got up again and rushed off.
When Sonny reached the squad room, he saw Barba sitting still in shock in the spot Carisi had previously been. Carisi stalked over to the sitting man, a fury in his eyes.
"What the hell did you say to her Counselor," he questioned urgently, worried about his friend.
This snapped the counselor to reality, finally, "Which way did she go, Carisi?"
"What do you mean? She ran off towards the restroom. What happened?"
With this the ADA took off, running in the same direction you did. Carisi's eyes widened as he realized what was going to happen. He turned on his heel, stalking off towards the Lieutenant's office.
"Lieu, (Y/N) took off, and Barba actually ran after her. I mean he really took off. I think it's happenin'," He giggled like a child.
Liv simply smiled and nodded, "I hope that it does. I may have tried to talk some sense into him. I am just so tired of watching those two pine for each other."
You were pacing in the bathroom when Barba reached you. You were borderline blubbering to yourself when he opened the door. His heart clenched again at the sight, knowing that you were beating yourself up even more now. He stalked over to you before grabbing your face and staring into your eyes. Tears welled up in them as they again twisted in confusion at the man standing in front of you. He had come after you?
As quick as he walked over to you, he leaned down, fully connecting your lips to his. Rafael desperately held you close to him, kissing you with such passion you thought you were going to pass out. When he finally broke away he stared down into your eyes again before peppering your face with kisses. You giggled softly as they tickled your face.
Finally he huskily whispered to you, "How long?"
Without even asking for context, you answered, "For a very long time, Counselor."
He smiled before breathing out a simple, me too.
"Here why don't we go talk about this in a separate room. Not to be that person, but the bathroom isn't really that romantic," You whispered to him.
He nodded and allowed you to lead him out of the restrooms, towards what seemed to be an interrogation room. You guys were so wrapped up in each other you didn't see the squad staring at you two with looks of mixed approval and shock. When you finally reached the room you turned to him and he immediately kissed you again. You chuckled into it, pulling him into you as you sat down on the table in the room. The kissing deepened, his grip on the small of your back tightening. You broke the kiss slowly, pressing another one to his nose.
"Counse-," you began quietly.
"(Y/N), I think we're past the point of formalities, you can just call me Rafael. Now, I have something I need to say before you do," He spoke with a tone of adoration, "I never thought that I would be able to have feelings for anyone after what my ex-girlfriend put me through. You really shook my life up, in the best way possible."
You nodded for him to continue.
"I think you are the one for me, cause it gets so hard to breathe when you're looking at me," he breathed out, a nervous quality in his voice, "I've never felt so alive and free."
"Well, Rafael, I feel the same," you smiled at the man, hoping to ease him into a calm state of mind, "When you're looking at me, I feel so happy."
He smiled at this and swooped you in for another kiss. You guys stayed in this embrace for a while, just basking in each other's presence. You almost didn't hear the soft knock at the door, you two springing apart and standing decently far away from one another. In walked Liv, a huge smile plastered on her face. She looked between the two of you knowingly, her smile widening as she took in the sight.
"You two do know that the whole squad watched you walk back here right? I just had to make sure you weren't 'confessing' on the table. Which you were," She chuckled.
A blush dusted itself over your cheeks, at the realization that indeed the whole squad had known about your crushes on each other. Rafael stumbled over his words for the first time, and Liv held a hand up to stop him, another chuckle leaving her lips.
"Don't even start Counselor, we knew long before this public display. You two really are extremely oblivious, did you know that?"
"Well, if I had known Olivia, I would've made my move a long time ago," the lawyer spoke.
She smiled cheekily before speaking again, "I won't keep you two. Just, don't have sex on the table please," with that she left the room.
You two shared a look, before sharing one more kiss and leaving the room behind her. You met the expectant faces of the squad, who all quickly turned to do something as the two of you walked in.
"Finally," Fin whispered to himself, neither of you catching him.
Just like neither of you saw Sonny slip the older detective an envelope full of money.
"And I've heard of a love that comes once in a lifetime
And I'm pretty sure that you are that love of mine."
#law and order svu#rafael barba#rafael barba imagine#rafael barba x reader#rafael barba x you#svu fanfiction#svu x reader#barba imagine#law and order fic#Spotify
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Kinktober Day 10: Hickey
Praise kink || Gagging || Hickey/biting marks
Summary: Carisi spots the ADA wearing something new.
Intended as a follow up to Seduction, but can be read as a stand-alone.
Paring: Rafael Barba x ???; Rafael Barba x Sonny Carisi (one-sided (?))
Day 10 of @the-purity-pen’s Kinktober
Masterlist
Previous Day (Angry Sex)
Next Day (Being Recorded)
It was late, very late, by the time Carisi finally made it to Barba’s office, completed DD5s in hand. Assuming he’d just drop them on Carmen’s desk with a note and be on his way, he was a little surprised to see light spilling from the opened door. Inside, the ADA was still bent over his desk, making notes on the pad in front of him. His tongue was poking out of the corner of his mouth as he paused, contemplating what was on the paper, before huffing and crossing out a few lines.
Honestly, Carisi shouldn’t have been surprised to find him there. Even if he thought the man was brilliant (and he did. Maybe.), none of it would get very far without hours of work to back it up. He must spend a lot of late nights in the office, ordering take out, drinking alone… concessions to make it more tolerable.
Tonight, the only concession to the hour was his state of dress, or lack thereof. At some point since Carisi had last seen the man in the squad room that afternoon, Barba had lost his jacket and vest. His tie was thrown carelessly to the corner of his desk, shirt open wide at the throat and his sleeves rolled up. It was the most undone Carisi had ever seen him. And given all that new skin on display, he couldn’t help it as his mind started to wander, eyes lingering on the man’s throat, his hands…
He must have made some sort of noise because Barba looked up, straightening a little in surprise. “Carisi… what brings you here so late?”
Carisi cleared his throat slightly, putting his fantasies back in the dark box in the back of his mind, and held up the file. “DD5s from earlier. I’m off tomorrow, so just wanted to drop them off. Make sure you had them before the weekend.”
Barba nodded and gestured to the chair in front of his desk. “Any issues? Changes?”
Carisi shook his head as he slid into the chair. “Nah, everything lines up with what they said before. Should make getting a deal a slam dunk, yeah Counselor?”
Barba rolled his eyes in response, and Carisi found his eyes drawn back to the man’s open collar. It cast a shadow across the hollow of his throat and Carisi’s breath caught. At first he thought it was a trick of the light, long shadows thrown from the single lamp on the desk, but when Barba shifted to lean back and swing his legs up, his collar gaped further and there was no denying it--there, standing out in stark relief at the base of his throat, was a hickey. And not a light, possibly unintentional bruise. A full-on, can’t keep your hands to yourself, staking a claim of ownership, desperate dark mark that someone had taken the time to work into his skin. Carisi flushed at the thought. Was that what the counselor was into? Were there other marks hidden under his expensive shirt? His trousers? He hadn’t realized the counselor was seeing anyone. Carisi tried to picture who it was that took the time to work that mark onto his throat, tasting the salt on his skin from a long day, breathing in the citrus and cedar of his cologne. Had Barba moaned as his partner used their lips and tongue and teeth to stake their claim? Had they? Was there someone out there wearing similar marks in the shape of Barba’s mouth?
Carisi shifted in his seat as he felt his cock stir at the images he was conjuring and shook himself. He dragged his eyes from the counselor’s open collar back up to his face and found Barba looking at him expectantly, eyebrow raised.
“You still here, Carisi?”
“Sorry, what?” Barba’s mouth curved into the hint of a smirk. “I mean, yes, yeah, uh, yeah I’m here.” Carisi’s voice cracked slightly on the end, and he flushed harder, caught in the act.
Barba was full-on smirking now. He swung his legs down, sitting up in his chair and leaning forward, collar shifting to hide the evidence (both to Carisi’s relief and disappointment). “Normally you’re hanging off my every word, detective. Careful…I’ll start to think you’re no longer dazzled by my incredible intellect.”
“I--no, that’s not it at all...I just…” Carisi’s watch vibrated, pulling his attention and breaking the tension. A text from his sister. He gave an audible sigh of relief at the distraction and winced. “Ah you know, Counselor, it’s late.” He showed off the face of his watch to illustrate his words, jumping up. He smoothed his suddenly clammy hands down his pants, shifting his hips in a way that he hoped was subtle and hid anything incriminating. “I’ll uh, let you finish up here. Get home to… you know. To get home.”
Barba leaned back to look up at him, eyebrows raised as Carisi stuttered and blushed his way through. Carisi held his breath, waiting to be called out, but instead Barba just hummed. “Yes, of course. It is late.” He turned back to his notepad, picking up his pen and waving off the detective. “You can just leave those files anywhere. I’ll take a look in the morning.”
Jesus Christ, he had forgotten about the DD5s and almost walked out with them. Dropping them in the corner next to the abandoned tie, Carisi turned to escape.
“Have a good night, Carisi.” Barba rumbled from behind him, voice low and dark, and Carisi could swear he heard the man chuckling at him as he nodded stiffly and fled.
#tppkinktober2021#rafael barba x reader#law and order svu#rafael barba#law and order svu imagine#law and order svu fic#svu#rafael barba x sonny carisi#if you squint#well one of them#rafael barba x gn!reader#if you read as the continuation
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Late Night
This is a rewrite of my first ever Barba x f! reader fic. While I am proud of having written it, looking back at it and seeing where I am now, I felt it was due a cleanup. So, without further ado…
CW: NSFW/18+ for (unprotected) smut, anal play. My last fic for summer bingo, with impact play as the square. WC: 2K
It had been a long day for the two of you. You were the investigative analyst for SVU. Him, the Assistant District Attorney. The attraction had been mutual from the very beginning. As a matter of fact, it was a drunken celebratory interlude after a huge win that was the catalyst for the relationship. A longtime serial rapist was going away for the maximum time and Carisi insisted that everyone needed to enjoy themselves - especially on his tab. After having one too many scotch sours, you woke up entangled in his sheets the next morning. And from there, you and Barba began seeing each other.
Barba insisted on keeping your relationship on a low profile, not out of shame or embarrassment. Quite the contrary. He had had his fair share of relationships that started out hot and then fizzled quickly, with partners that didn’t understand the demands of the job. But you did. You were on call as much as he was. As such, he wanted to keep things quiet. You both agreed that things were working out so well and as the saying went, if it ain't broke, don’t fix it.
Keeping the relationship quiet, made everything that more dangerous and sexy. There was something about exchanging secret looks in the squad room and light, flirtatious banter, that no one else seemed to pick up on, considering the profession. Every once in a while he’d stand behind you while you peered into an interrogation room. You would lose yourself in the scent of his cologne, bright and citrusy. His breath would be warm on the back of your neck. It made you tingle.
You had finished your paperwork for the night and decided to pay Rafael a visit. You bid your goodbyes to the bullpen and placed an order for pickup at the nearby Chinese restaurant. At the restaurant, you squirmed and shifted in place while you paid - the weight of a recent gift from Rafael was making its presence known. You had only hoped no one noticed. You scurried off to One Hogan Place. Rafael had tapped into desires that you didn’t know you even had and you found that there was a trust with him that allowed you to explore these innate desires in a safe, loving manner.
You showed your ID to the security guard, who was more than aware who you were and he waved you in. “Thanks.” You gave him a small wave and smile as you walked by. You walked down the hallway to Rafael’s office. It was quiet and your shoes, with their sensible heels, clacked loudly against the floor.
You entered the main of his office, Carmen’s desk was dark and empty. You could see the light was on through the sill of the door. You knocked quietly, not bothering to wait for an answer as you swung the door open.
“Carmen, I thought I told you no interruptions.” Rafael answered. He was furiously writing - you presumed it was his closing argument for the most recent case.
“I’m not Carmen.” You replied softly. It was then, upon hearing your voice, that Rafael stopped writing. He tossed his gold pen on the desk and locked his green eyes with yours.
“No you’re not.” Rafael acknowledged as he stood fully. He was dressed in black slacks, with pink striped suspenders. His tie, usually perfectly knotted, was loosened. The sleeves of his shirt were rolled up, showing off his strong forearms. You closed the door behind you and plopped the bag of food on the nearby couch. You kicked off your shoes by the door, feeling the carpet beneath your feet.
“I thought I was seeing you later?” Rafael questioned curiously.
You walked over and wrapped your arms around Rafael, as you pressed your body against his. Rafael’s arms wrapped around your waist and he held you tightly against him.
“What can I say? I couldn’t wait.” You purred, meeting his eyes.
Rafael dipped his lips to yours, hovering. The two of you breathed each other’s air. Your heart hammered in your chest in anticipation as to what was to come next. As Rafael’s lips captured yours, you let out a soft moan in response. Rafael’s kisses tasted like a mixture of coffee, mint, and something uniquely him. The stubble of his five o’clock shadow scraped against your skin, sending a bolt of pleasure down to your core.
The kiss intensified as Rafael’s tongue sought entrance at the seam of your lips. You opened your mouth, allowing him to gain access and deepen the kiss. Your arms moved from around his neck down to his chest, tugging on the straps of his suspenders. Rafael wrapped his hand in your hair and tugged it, exposing your neck. He broke away from your mouth and pressed a trail of hot wet kisses along the side of your neck. You let out another moan as his lips found purchase along your sweet spot, sucking a mark on your skin.
“Oh, Rafael.” Your nipples were hard and your breasts ached against the cups of your bra. You were certain your panties were ruined and barely had anything started.
Rafael moved back up to your lips, kissing you deeply once more. You could feel his cock hardening against the softness of your belly. You broke the kiss hesitantly. Rafael’s eyes were blown with lust, just as you were certain yours was as well. You reached for the hem of your sweater and tugged it upwards, over your head. It was quickly followed by your pants, which pooled at the bottom of your feet.
Rafael drank in the sight of you, nude save your bra and panties. They weren’t fancy by any means, if anything rather plain. There was something so innocent and sexy about it though, and Rafael’s cock throbbed harder, desperate for relief.
“Did you wear it?” Rafael roughly asked and you felt your cheeks burn as you nodded, avoiding his eyes.
“Let me see.” Rafael growled as he leaned against the wood of his desk.
You turned around and unbuckled your bra first, tossing it to the side. Your nipples puckered harder against the cool air and Rafael felt his mouth water. You turned around and then hooked your thumbs into your underwear and pulled them down and stepped out of them. You then positioned yourself so you were bent over, bracing your hands on your thighs.
“Spread.”
Your cunt kicked at his command and you reached back to grab at your ass cheeks, spreading them apart as far as you could. Rafael let out an audible groan at the sight of the jeweled plug that was notched in your ass.
Rafael was behind you immediately, rubbing his large hands over your ass. His finger traced the outline of the jewel and then dipped his hand to cup your soaked pussy.
“My, my, is this all for me?” Rafael asked huskily.
“Yes.” You sighed, pressing back to him, desperate for him to touch you more. He slid a thick digit against your soaked crease, then pushed it slowly into you. You let out another moan. You kept your cheeks spread, allowing Rafael to pump his finger in and out of you. Rafael would alternate his movements by sliding his finger completely out and then cupping your entire mound before adding yet another finger inside. Your skin felt like it was on fire and your growing arousal created a slick, wet sound which filled the room.
“Who needs dinner, when I can feast on this pussy?” Rafael asked. He used his other hand to grab the fat of your flesh, shaking it before letting down a hard spank. You cried out, enjoying how the sting ebbed into pleasure.
“Please, spank me again.” You requested. “Harder.”
“Is that what you need? To spank you harder?” Rafael asked. When you didn’t immediately answer, he laid down another spank, this time harder. “Does my girl need to be taught a lesson?”
“Oh yes please.” You begged shamelessly. “I need it.”
Rafael removed his fingers completely from inside of you and then spun you around so you faced his desk. His hand pressed against the small of your back, pushing you so you laid face down, your stomach against the cool wood.
You heard Rafael undress from behind you. The sound of his zipper caused your cunt to kick. He pressed his cock along the seam of your ass, teasingly so. “Is that what you need? This cock?”
“Yes!” You begged. “My pussy needs that cock.”
Rafael chuckled darkly. “Well, you did say you couldn’t wait.” Rafael gripped his cock in his hand and slid it teasingly along your slit. Your arousal coated his cock and in one fluid motion, he slid into you, quickly bottoming out. He gave you no time to adjust, quickly grabbing the flesh at the top of your ass hard, and pumping in and out of you with a brutally fast pace. You threw your head back, giving into the burn which quickly ebbed into pleasure.
Rafael watched as his cock sawed in and out of your wet sheath, covered in your cream. He couldn’t get enough. He let loose some swears in Spanish before stilling his pace. You let out a whine as he withdrew. You stood and faced him, questioning. Rafael went over to his desk drawer and pulled out a small bottle of lube. He moved to the couch and you followed. Anticipating his next move, you bent over in front of him again and spread your ass cheeks. Rafael gave your ass a smack before pouring some lube over your tight hole. The lube dripped and he played with your swollen, puffy pussy briefly before sliding the plug out of your ass. It fell on the floor with a light thud and Rafael slid a finger inside of you, knuckle deep, in further preparation.
“Liking what you feel counselor?” You questioned, your breath uneven. Rafael pulled you down to his lap and you brought your legs up, so your feet were planted on his thick thighs. Rafael rubbed the remaining lube on his cock.
“Deep inhale and then breathe out slowly.” Rafael commanded. You did as requested, feeling his cock begin to slide inside of your ass. The head of his cock quickly popped in. The rest of his cock slid in agonizingly slow and you let out a wrecked moan in response. Once fully notched in your ass, Rafael gripped your hips and began to bring you up and down. You laid back against his chest, letting him set the pace and then reached for your pussy, sliding your fingers in and then pumping them in and out. You’d repeat that before sliding them out so you could rub your clit. Over and over, you kept at it as Rafael destroyed your ass with his cock.
The room was filled with the sounds of skin on skin, yours and his moans, and the stench of sex.
“Cum for me darling.” Rafael grunted. “Asi, asi. Like that.”
It’s too much and you wailed his name as you came hard. You continue rubbing yourself, trying to draw out your orgasm as much as you can.
“I am going to…” Rafael warned himself, his thrusts now becoming more frantic. He stilled with a groan and sharp thrust as he came himself, painting your walls with his creamy release. You fall slack against him, and Rafael’s hands come up to your tits, gently playing with them as he kissed your shoulder.
The two of you barely have time to come down when Carisi and Rollins come bursting in.
“Barb, we need to… oh my God!”
There you were, spread eagle, with Rafael still balls deep in your ass in front of your and his colleagues.
Amanda’s face is a shade of deep red as she pivots and exist. You scrambled off Barba, looking for your clothes, in a haste attempt to cover yourself. Carisi himself also turned bright red, before heading out himself, but not without giving you a wink.
Rafael continued to sit on the couch. He was now hunched over, head in hands.
“I could have sworn I locked it.” You replied apologetically. Rafael shrugged, his own cheeks burning as he hears the two detectives laughing from down the hall.
“Oh God.” Rafael groaned.
“Well, they were going to find out anyway.” You replied nonchalantly with your own shrug to Rafael, whose head was still in his hands, covering his face.
“I know, but couldn’t I have had my pants on first?” Rafael grumbled.
FIN.
[Tag List] @mgarner1227 @madpanda75 @tropes-and-tales @beardedmccoy @youreverycolor @neely1177 @witches-unruly-heart @mrsrafaelbarba @skittle479 @ottosuricato @sass-and-suspenders @mommakat32 @beccabarba @greeneyedblondie44 @dreila03 @garturbo @lovebishoplosamiguelgalindo @imjustreallynosy @sweetsummertime99 @whyissvuruiningmylovelife @annabelleb49 @cesarofangirl78 @zoeykaytesmom @esparza-army @bananas-pajamas @differentshadesofgray @catnip987 @storiesofsvu @detective-giggles @teamsladsandgents @pieceofshittytitty @ktiz90 @rampantmuses @jazzyjoi @itsjustmyfantasyroom @i-justreally-like-cats-okay @averyhotchner @rachelxwayne @madamsnape921 @qvid-pro-qvo @alwaysachorusgirl @amelia-song-pond @prurientpuddlejumper @tintinxtintin @law-nerd105
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Two Girl’s
For: @storiesofsvu fall bingo
Square: Cardigan- Taylor Swfit
Pairing: Rafael Barba x reader
Warnings: Fluff. Tiny pinch of swearing
WC: 614
Your high heels on cobblestones made a loud clicking sound as you walked towards the door of the bar and swung it open. Amanda had wanted to go out for a drink, but your weekends had been filled with dinner and love making with Rafael who you had recently started seeing outside of work after a work drink turned into more. So, when he said he was busy that weekend you and Amanda decided to have a girl’s night.
You and Rafael hadn’t said you were exclusive to each other, but you had stopped speaking and seeing others and you just assumed he had done the same. You walked in finding a table and made yourself comfortable waiting for Amanda. Your eyes scanned around the tables when he caught your eye. You had to do a double take and your mouth dropped open, your heart sinking.
Rafael was sitting at a table with someone that you had recognised from the DA’s office, one of Carmen’s friends. His hand was on top of hers, his thumb rubbing over it and he was smiling down at her. You looked down trying to hide the tears. When he told you he was busy, you just assumed that he was busy with his family or friends. But that was the problem, you had just assumed.
You took a deep breath and slowly brought your eyes back up into their direction when you saw Rafael kiss her cheek, she said something back to him which he laughed at and then turned out to face the room, his eyes meeting yours straight away. His face went bright red and anger filled you. You got up off your seat and stormed towards the door walking out. You started walking back down the cobblestones, trying not to lose your balance when you heard your name being shouted after you. You didn’t turn around because you knew who it was him,
“Y/N, please stop- Come on Y/N, don’t make me hurt myself”
You stopped, sighing and waited for him to come up to you. He walking around to stand in front of you.
“What?” you snapped coldly; Rafael raised his eye brows at you.
“What’s with the attitude?”
“Really?” you snapped “Did she know that you said I was your favourite girl yesterday in your office and last Friday night your hand under my sweatshirt right before you fucked me?”
“You done?”
“What, you have an objection?” you sassed back “Chase two girls, lose the one”
Rafael shook his head looking down at his shoes and putting his hands into his jean pockets,
“Y/N, it’s not what it looks like”
You scoffed, leaning into your hip and crossing your arms over your body,
“Yeah, never is”
“I was telling her I couldn’t see her anymore because I wanted to take the next step with someone else. And that someone else is you” You looked up at him speech less “She has been messaging me to go out for another drink and I didn’t want to tell her over a message that I have been seeing someone else that I have deep feelings for, so I bit the bullet and done it tonight. I was going to tell you”
You stepped forward your hands going to Rafael’s chest and his hands came out to rest on your hips, a grin on his face,
“Rafi, I’ am sorry”
Rafael smiled leaning over to brush his nose over yours,
“It’s ok. I know what it looked like and I’ am sorry”
“Baby, kiss it better” You whispered.
“When you’re done with Rollin’s come to my place, I’ll be doing more than kissing it better”
Tags: @detective-giggles @beccabarba @witches-unruly-heart @dianilaws @scarletsoldierrr @lv7867 @permanentlydizzy @averyhotchner @infiniteoddball @fandom-princess-forevermore @madamsnape921 @annabelleb49 @alwaysachorusgirl @thatesqcrush @lovelymischief
#storiesofsvufallbingo#rafael barba#rafael barba fanfiction#rafael barba imagine#rafael barba x yn#rafael barba and reader#rafael barba x you#barba x reader#rafael barba x reader#law and order svu#SVU fanfiction#SVU FANDOM#svu x reader
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Bruised Ego
Rafael Barba x fem!reader
Fills the “Be Kind” by Halsey & Mashmello square on @thatesqcrush ‘s vday bingo
Warnings: Language, angst.
Letting out a weary sigh you poured what was left of the bottle of wine into your glass, your eyes darting to the rack on top of the fridge to ensure there was a back up one there, it had been a long night. Rafael was late, too late, so late in fact that he’d stood you up. You had the restaurant pack up your order and brought it home figuring you may as well at least be at home if you had to eat alone.
When you first got involved with Rafael you knew he was a busy man, that work kept him doing crazy hours, all nighters, and occasionally sleeping in his office. You were okay with that, you were an independent woman, you valued your own time, you also knew the value that your time had and you weren’t about to share it with someone who didn’t deserve it. Lately, Raf had been falling into that category, hell, today? He was number one on the list of that category.
Usually he’d text, or call, unless he was so wrapped up in work he simply hadn’t realized the time and when your name would flash on his phone he would be a world of apologies. He’d also always make it up to you. You’d gotten used to the occasional failed date, you still loved each other, you moved in together, yet, two years later (to the exact date) you were starting to feel like you weren’t even his second choice anymore.
You sunk back a large gulp of wine, trying to reason with yourself, trying to ignore the part of you that was worried something had happened to him, but you knew if that was the case, Olivia would’ve called. Right as you were about to say fuck it and grab a second bottle of wine you heard his keys in the lock, the door shifting open as your eyes darted to the clock.
“Two thirty a.m? That’s a new record.” You greetly coldly. Rafael glanced up in your direction, the small stumble as he dumped his coat confirmed your suspicion of him being drunk.
“Why’re you still up?”
“You can’t be serious.” You sighed, grabbing the fresh bottle of wine to pour yourself a glass. Your movement brought Rafael’s attention to the dress you still had on, how elegantly you were done up and he silently realized he’d missed your anniversary dinner.
“M’sorry.” He mumbled.
“You’ve been saying that so much recently it’s lost its integrity.” You corked the bottle, taking a swig, “where the hell were you?”
“Working late.”
“Really?” You cocked a brow, “‘cause when I called Carmen at seven she said you never came back after court.”
“We lost the case, I felt horrible…this poor girl”-
“You sure it was the vic and not the bruises on your ego that make you go wild? You realize you get annoying as fuck everytime you take a hit, right?”
“It was a tough case, I just needed to vent, calm down for a bit.”
“So you chose to go out drinking with Olivia rather than attend our anniversary dinner? Chose to ignore your phone? I know it’s hard for you, but it’s not fair! You can’t just stay out all night everytime you have a bad day.”
“I’m sorry. Carino I’m so sorry. Oliva just…understands it in a way you don’t.”
“Because you keep me completely shut out Rafael! If you ever bothered talking to me about your work I’d be able to understand.”
“I don’t want you all wrapped up in that world, you know that! I can make it through without dragging you down with me.”
“Is it that? Is it that you don’t think I can handle the gruesome crimes? Or is that you don’t want to let yourself be vulnerable in front of me?” He balked at that and you knew you’d hit the nail on the head, “I already told you that I’m right here.”
“I don’t need you to baby me!” Great, now he was getting defensive, this was headed in a wonderful direction.
“I’m not trying to baby you Rafael! I’m trying to remind you that I don’t need you to be strong enough for the both of us, you’re allowed to have an emotional side! You’re allowed to break down, even to me, especially to me!”
“You’re saying you don’t need me?”
Selective hearing of course, only hearing what he wanted to, what he could pick an argument with, something to focus in on and ignore the actual root of the problem. Like always.
“Well I’ve been doing pretty damn fine without you these past few weeks.” You shot, taking another sip of wine your eyes began to glass over, your voice softer the next time you spoke, “maybe this isn’t even worth fighting for…”
“Are..are you saying you want to end it?” His entire demeanour shrunk, worry etching across his face as he watched you wipe away a stray tear.
“I’m saying that despite the past two years…you refuse to let me in. Some days I feel like I don’t even know you at all.”
“I love you…”
“Yet you chose to bury yourself at the bottom of a bottle of scotch rather than celebrate our anniversary. You activelyignored me today, and that hurts a hundred times more than just being forgotten about. It doesn’t even feel like I have a boyfriend most days, so why even bother?”
“What about Valentine’s Day?” You nearly snorted at that, gulping back more wine.
“You care more about a commercial holiday than our anniversary, why am I not surprised?”
“But..the Gala…” he protested and your jaw went slack as you shook your head at him.
“I can’t fucking believe you. Here you go again about how your work functions are important enough to never forget, that I have to go to only to be ignored once we’re there? You do realize there’s more to a relationship than being arm candy, right?”
“I’m”-
“Save it.” You glared, standing from the island. “Give me five minutes to change, I’ll sleep in the guest room. We can discuss this when you don’t smell like a distillery.” Swiftly moving past him without a second glance you disappeared into the bedroom, returning to the hall a few minutes later only to vanish into the guest room, the door slamming shut hard enough to make Rafael wince.
Truthfully, when your name flashed across his phone earlier that evening he knew exactly what day it was, he knew what time he was supposed to meet you at the restaurant. The first couple of texts he at least read, the friendly happy reminders to not work too late, that you couldn’t wait to celebrate. Little texts that wouldn’t come off as nagging when they slightly were your way of saying ‘don’t fucking forget this’. He’d checked the time, made a mental note, but continued drinking with Liv and Fin. There was a sense of camaraderie, they all worked the same kind of job, saw the same kind of horrors, they understood it on a different level. Sure, he could have tried to open up to you about it, but he didn’t want to, especially on your anniversary. Before he knew it, it was well past your reservation time and he figured he may as well stay out and keep going until you were hopefully passed out at home.
You were right…he had actively ignored you tonight. Not just forgotten.
*
When you awoke the next morning you weren’t surprised to find the apartment empty, at least Rafael had scheduled the coffee to brew a fresh pot around the time you usually got up on your days off. Your phone had no messages, there wasn’t anything scrawled on the pad on the fridge, it seemed he had given up just as much as you had at this point.
You gulped down the coffee, munching on some toast while you thought over what you wanted to do. Although you already knew what you needed to do, you couldn’t stay in something like this, it wasn’t healthy, for either of you. As much as you loved him, you needed someone who actually showed up, who made your time as valuable as theirs was to you. It was with a heavy sigh that you wiped away a tear, turning back to the bedroom to start to pack up the essentials, you could come back later for anything else.
Raf surprised you by coming home halfway through the day, lunch in hand, potentially as an apology. He stalled at the sight of a couple of bags stacked up in the entrance way, hesitantly calling out into the apartment. You cringed at the sound of his voice, wishing you had a few more hours to prep before having to have this conversation, but it was now or never. Padding down the hallway you emerged into the open kitchen/living room, a slightly nervous expression on your face.
“You…made your choice?” Rafael greeted quietly.
“Uh..yeah.” You wrapped your arms around yourself, “I’m sorry Raf, I really am…but I can’t keep doing this.”
“You don’t have to go…stay in the guest room until you figure things out..maybe we can work through this?”
“No…” your voice wavered, “if I don’t go…we’ll just be reliving this a few months down the road, and it’ll be much worse.”
“Are you sure?” His eyes glazed over, voice shaking slightly at the thought of you turning your back on him to never return.
“Yeah.” You sighed, “I love you Raf, I really do, and I know you have the potential to make a very lucky girl incredibly happy one day, but that girl isn’t me.”
“What if I want it to be?”
“Then it’s too late.” You wiped away a tear you weren’t sure where it came from, “I need more than you’re currently willing to give me and I’m done wasting my time waiting for you to be ready.”
“What…what can I do?” Rafael wasn’t sure at this point if he was asking what would make you change your mind, or what he needed to change in order to have a successful relationship in the future. Though, maybe they were both combined, maybe he’d be able to focus on things enough that he could win you back further down the road. You sighed heavily, leaning against the back of the couch.
“You need to be more present Raf. I get that your job is demanding, and that you suck at remembering things not work related, but a partner deserves their time with you to be spent actually with you. You did a decent job at that during the first few months but it started to slip as you got comfortable, when you were finished with the charming stage, that you knew you had me. You need to keep that going.” He nodded at your words, slowly realizing all the times he’d placed other things in front of you on his to do list, he was starting to wonder why you’d put up with him as long as you had. “But I think the most important thing is that you need to be open…”
“I…thought I was..”
“About us, yes.” You countered, “but I mean about you. You lock everything up inside, you shut everyone out of your emotions when you start to feel down or struggling. You need to be able to talk about that, to cry about it, and when you love someone, you should be able to bare your soul to them. Not shove them aside for a bottle of scotch when all they want is to help you.”
“I’m sorry..” he mumbed.
“I know…” you took a deep breath, “you’ll figure it out someday. You’re a brillliant man Rafael, I know you’ll break down that wall, I’m just sorry it couldn’t have been with me.”
“Me too.” Tears glassed his eyes at the confirmation that it truly was over, mirroring the ones in your own as your phone buzzed.
“That’s Kelly…she’s outside.” You glanced up at him, “you know how she is. It’s probably best if you pretend you’re not here.”
“Of course.”
He dropped the takeout on the counter, urging you to take it with you so it wouldn’t be wasted. Then he made the bold move of pulling you into a hug, though you returned it with just as much tightness. As much as all of this was breaking your heart, there was still a part of you that loved Rafael, that hoped he would learn from this and grow into an incredible partner.
You knew that in the long run, it wouldn’t be you that would be able to help him, but someone would. It stung, having to collect your things from the apartment, to start to build a new life for yourself, but at least this way you weren’t sitting alone getting hurt on the regular basis while you pretended everything was okay.
While Rafael Barba being in your life had been a very important part for those two years, as time went on, you knew it wasn’t endgame. He’d helped you grow, and you could only hope that you’d done the same for him. You both deserved it.
#rafael barba#rafael barba x reader#law and order svu#svu#law and order#rafael barba fanfiction#rafael barba angst#rafael barba one shot
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Caught by Carisi // (Rafael Barba x Reader)
Rating; PG
Word Count; 880
Summary; Carisi gets a glimpse of Rafi’s soft side with you.
Comments; fluff
You and Rafi have been together for the past 8 months. You met him in the court elevators. You had been working in homicide at the time and had just finished testifying. You transferred to SVU about 2 months after meeting Rafi, you were slightly surprised to him there. You had known he was an ADA but didn’t know he worked with SVU.
Sure, Rafi seemed like a sarcastic workaholic at first. While those this is true, you also learned and saw that he was much more. He’s a big softy, a family man and crazy romantic. The two of you enjoyed doing the small things for each other, the things that meant the most.
This morning Liv had sent you to Rafi’s office. Rafael had some paperwork that the squad was in need of, of course, you volunteered to make the journey. You grabbed a coffee and croissant for Rafi and a coffee for Carmen on your way there. You knew Rafi would be finished his first cup of coffee by now, and he also had a terrible habit of not eating at work which was all day. Normally, you’d call to let him know your coming so that he can get any documents prepared but, today you wanted to surprise him. Rafael knew someone from the squad would be dropping by to pick up this file anyway so it should already be ready. Once you were nearing Rafi’s office you smiled at Carmen.
“I got you this. Is he in?”, you ask while setting down her coffee.
“He is and thank you.”, she says in a kind yet shocked voice.
You don’t bother knocking, you walk in on Rafi writing some sort of legal document. He doesn’t even look up to see that it’s you, he simply assumes it’s Carmen.
“If that’s Judge Sussman, tell him he’s early and to wait please, Carmen.”
“Pfft. When is a judge ever early?”
Your voice snaps Rafi from his paper.
“Cariño, what’re you doing here?”, he says with a smile while standing from his chair.
“I wanted to surprise you.”, you say while setting his food and coffee on his desk. “Oh and Liv sent me to pick up the Petrov paper’s.”
The two of you share a quick hug and kiss before he returns to his chair. You lean on his desk in front of him, preventing him from continuing his work.
“I can’t stay long obviously, but I did bring you a snack and some liquid energy.”
“What did I ever do to deserve you? Hmm?”, he asks while pulling you onto him so you’re straddling him.
His arms are wrapped around your waist and yours loosely res on his shoulders and behind his neck. He looks up at you, he genuinely wants an answer.
“You loved me, mi Amor.”
The two of you had been so caught up in each other that you hadn’t noticed that Carisi walked in. When Carisi first laid eyes on you two he was shocked into silence and stillness. At first, he thought he had walked into a quickie. However, as he stood there he realized it was much more. He couldn’t help but notice the love in Barba’s eyes. Carisi was so used to the drive and frustration in Barba’s eyes. Yes, over time he’d notice the Barba’s eyes would soften when he saw you at the precinct, but this was much more.
“I know I’m one of many words. But, I’ve never been able to properly express how much I love you.”, said Rafael while pushing a piece of hair out of your face and behind your ear. “Your drive for justice, for your career, was the first thing I noticed about you in that elevator. While you hated the killer’s guts, you still kept a level head. I couldn’t get you out of my head, I still can’t. You make me feel alive. You’ve changed my entire perspective of the world for the better. Not only do I love you but I am in love with you.”
You can’t help but let a tear escape, which Rafi is quick to kiss away. “And I’m in love with you, Rafael Barba.”
Even though the two of you were smiling ear to ear, you placed a soft kiss on his lips. When you pulled back, Rafi’s eyes were wide and focused on something over your shoulder.
“Carisi?”, Barba’s voice boomed. You leapt out of Rafael’s lap and Carisi knew he had ruined the moment.
“I - uh. Liv, she uh”
“How long have you been there, Sonny?”, you ask in shock.
“I just came in I swear. Liv sent me because.”, he lifts a manila file with one hand and scratched the back of his neck with the other. He quickly walks to Rafael’s desk and leaves the file behind before running out the door like a scared mouse. You look back at Rafi.
“He was lying”
“I know, I’ll yell at him later. However, you should probably get back to work at the precinct.”
Rafi hands you the papers you were originally sent for. You slowly make your way to the door and just as your about to step lout Rafi’s voice stops you.
“Cariño? Te amo.”
“I love you too, Rafi.”
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