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#and that relationship can mean entirely different things to each person
ms-demeanor · 2 days
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You posted about adhd and I was hoping to follow up to clarify something. I’ve explained to my partner a million times about how the borderline-hoarding mess of his space is very mentally draining to me, and he understands but we’ve both essentially accepted he won’t clean his mess because he can’t because of his adhd. You’re saying he’s actually being a shit head?
This isn't necessarily an issue of him being a shithead, but it also isn't a sustainable situation. It's not good for you and there's a level of clutter that's probably not good for him either.
Large bastard is a lot more clutter-y than I am. The solution we've come to is trying to keep our messes at least isolated from one another; he can have his messes and I can have mine, but he can have those messes in his spaces, not all over the place. Sometimes those messes migrate, and that's when it's important for him to make the effort to rein them in rather than trying and failing to make a daily effort to keep our entire shared space tidy.
I think when you say "we've both essentially accepted he won't clean his mess" what I'm hearing is resignation; you're not happy about this but you don't know what to do so you've thrown up your hands and he feels helpless and unsure of what to do to improve the situation. This is the kind of "it's fine" that isn't really fine.
I think it would be worthwhile for you to each separately think about the mess and talk about it together. Are there areas that YOU *need* to have not-messy? Both for utility and your mental health? Are there areas where you can tolerate more mess than otherwise? Are there areas that are going to be harder for him to keep the mess out of than others? Are there things he doesn't *know* about cleaning up the mess?
I'm obviously a big "communication communication communication" person so I'm going to recommend a lot of talking about stuff, which is probably going to mean a lot of thinking about and interrogating stuff. I'm going to say "talk to him about why the mess bothers you" which means you also have to really articulate to yourself why the mess bothers you (for instance I'm not actually *bothered* by a messy kitchen, but I know it's going to reflect badly on us - and me specifically b/c of presumed gender roles - if someone pops by and the kitchen is a disaster, AND a messy kitchen is going to be harder to use). Genuinely, sometimes knowing *why* something is a problem might make it easier for someone with ADHD to do something. And it's not that he doesn't care that it upsets you, it's just that "Oh if I don't wash my breakfast dishes Anon won't have clear counterspace to make lunch" might be stickier in his brain (and less hard to look at emotionally) than "this thing I forget to do upsets my partner so I should do it."
For the record, I think that people with ADHD should read up on Demand Avoidance and see if it might explain some of the issues that they have in their day-to-day life; I've seen some really unfortunate situations with friends where trying to do things that their partner needed became the subject of demand avoidance. *I* have experienced negative outcomes of demand avoidance. The solution to that, however, isn't to stop making attempts to do the thing OR to simply try harder to do as they're asked/told (which reinforces the demand), it's to work on setting up a situation where the partners' needs are not interpreted as a demand. This is fuck-off difficult and requires a lot of patience and care and many attempts to succeed and will be different for each person and relationship.
(Also for the record demand avoidance isn't *super* strongly linked to ADHD and it's not a definitive symptom; like Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, it is something that occurs in some number of people with ADHD and can be a useful lens through which to examine various behaviors; you don't need to have DA or RSD to have ADHD, and having DA or RSD also doesn't invalidate your diagnosis; they're symptoms. For me, DA often feels like "if I don't look at it, it can't get me" - If I ignore all the messages I've got they aren't real and don't have real consequences so I'll just ignore my texts. If I don't look at the vendor email about the order, the problem with the order isn't real and it won't get added to my task list. If I don't look at the requests in my inbox I can't let people down when I don't do them. It's a self-protective coping mechanism but it's *maladaptive* and I can't just ignore the vendor email or all my texts. I need to work on a way of doing the stuff that I'm avoiding in a way that makes it less stressful and doesn't hurt the people relying on me. That takes a lot of effort, personal insight, trial and error, and )
But before I dive into specifics I want to be really really clear about one thing: sometimes people are simply incompatible. Sometimes one person has such a low tolerance for "mess" and the other person has such a high threshold for "mess" that it can't be reconciled. It sucks that this can end up being a thing that people break up over, but it is MUCH better to acknowledge incompatibility as early as possible instead of spending years and years building resentment.
There used to be a great forum called MiL's Anonymous that I spent a lot of time on. It had a lot of people in a lot of difficult situations struggling to get by and hold their relationships together. The question that was used as a litmus test to approach each situation was simple: If you knew today that everything about living with this person would be the same in five years, would you stay?
Because you can't control your partner. You can't control the future. You can only control yourself and your proximity to situations that are harmful to you. If you knew, 100%, that things wouldn't get better in five years, would you be okay with staying in this relationship? If the answer is "no," then that's that. Don't worry about questions of whether or not your boyfriend is a shithead, start the process of ending the relationship because there's a good chance the situation is going to be exactly the same in five years.
If the answer is "yes," and you'd stay in the relationship regardless of whether or not things changed, then it's time to take actions to improve your life within the context of the relationship.
(No judgement on that yes or no, btw. If you would hate living like this for another five years, and you would feel like you'd wasted your time and hadn't done the things you wanted to with your life, get out. Bail. Go. It will be better for you and better for your partner if you split instead of spending half a decade building resentments and and problems that you'll have to spend another half a decade healing from.)
Also, a note: you describe your boyfriend's mess as borderline hoarding - is the issue *mess* or is the issue *clutter*? I have friends who are very tidy, but whose homes are very cluttered. They like things, they have many things, they keep many things around, but their houses are always clean and well-dusted and orderly, just with a tremendous amount of *stuff.* I am addressing all of this as though the issue is mess, not clutter. If your boyfriend's situation is clutter (the space is busy and packed with things but it is functional and clean) and your issue isn't with *mess* (things out of place, things not having a place, things that need to be cleaned up gathering in stacks, falling behind on regular chores like laundry and dishes and taking out the trash) then you definitely need to assess whether or not you are compatible.
For instance here's a room that is messy but not cluttered compared to a room that is cluttered but not messy:
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That first room is a *mess* but it would be very easy to clean up in under an hour. The second room is fairly tidy, but would take significant effort to pare down and declutter. BOTH of these can be difficult to live with but the second one is not dangerous or threatening to anyone's health. (The second one is QUITE cluttered and if every room in a house looks like this it can be overwhelming to live with; this is actually harder to deal with in a relationship than the first one in a lot of ways. I don't have a lot of advice for what to do if your partner is a high degree of tidy-but-cluttered because I don't actually think it's a problem or wrong to have thousands of books or bins full of lego or a million kitchen appliances as long as you have the space and can keep it safe and well-maintained; this is a really significant compatibility issue)
Okay, all that out of the way, here's the hard work.
Talk about this shit
Talk to your partner and define "mess." Make sure you are on the same page about what you mean when you're talking about what a messy room looks like versus what a tidy room looks like. Gather reference pictures. DRAW reference pictures.
Explain not just that the mess upsets you, but *why* and *how* it upsets you. In this context don't think of it as your boyfriend's mess, think of it as an unpleasant roommate. Discuss this using "I-statements". "When I have to pick up laundry all over the apartment, I feel like a parent more than a partner." "When there are piles of miniatures all over the table, I feel like I don't have anywhere to do things I'm interested in." "When there are dishes in the sink, I feel frustrated because I have to clean before I can feed myself."
Discuss, frankly and openly, whether he knows how to clean. I'm not trying to make excuses for him here but a lot of people with ADHD have a lot of stress and avoidance around cleaning because they spent a lot of time getting yelled at for not knowing how to clean properly.
Discuss your needs, be firm about what you require but willing to compromise. You *need* some spaces to be clean, and some spaces may be harder for him to keep clean than others. It may be MUCH harder for him to keep a bedroom tidy than it is to keep a kitchen tidy; if you need a clean and empty bedroom with everything put away and he simply cannot do that, that is a compatibility issue. But perhaps you need *your* side of the bedroom to be very orderly and can tolerate a moderate level of mess and clutter on his side. Maybe you're really really bothered by a messy kitchen, but it doesn't bug you if the dining table is covered with projects and papers. Figure out something more workable than "his mess goes everywhere and i live with it because he's incapable of cleaning" because he probably is not incapable of cleaning and you deserve to have places in your home that are comfortable for you.
Reduce friction for cleaning
Sometimes the problem isn't cleaning, the problem is the many many steps before cleaning, or not knowing where something should go when you are done cleaning. One of the absolute best things I've done for myself for cleaning my space is getting a broom holder and mounting the broom to the wall. Sweeping is now essentially thoughtless. I don't have to find the broom or pull it out from a pile of fans or go scrounging around for a dustpan it's right there on the wall, frictionless. So here are some ways to reduce the barriers to cleaning:
Make sure you and your partner both know how to use your cleaning supplies and know where those supplies are. When I switched dishwasher soap I had to re-show Large Bastard where I was storing it and how it was used, because to him what happened was the dishwasher tabs just vanished one day and he didn't know what I was putting in the machine or the process I used. He sometimes puts tools away in places that I can't see (he's more than a foot taller than me) so sometimes I can't get started on a maintenance project until he shows me where he put the battery pack for the drill.
Consider making a how-to chart to or having him make a how-to chart to keep someplace accessible so he can reference it while cleaning. Goblin.Tools Magic ToDo is great for this. Basically a lot of the time people with ADHD have trouble knowing what to do from step to step even if they've done something before, so having a step by step guide can make it easier (I have notebooks full of step-by-step guides for everything from paying for my tuition to removing licenses for my customers to weeding my yard)
Remove obstacles; don't keep cleaning chemicals in the garage in a box that's behind a stack of parts, keep them in the room you'll be cleaning. Don't keep the cleaning supplies that you use to clean the bathroom in the kitchen. Sometimes this means buying two bottles of bleach solution and two scrubbers and two sets of cleaning gloves but having fewer steps (fetch the windex, fetch the paper towels, fetch the gloves) is often the key to getting things done (open under-sink cabinet and grab windex, gloves, and paper towels that are there instead of in the kitchen).
This sort of overlaps with the next category, which is:
Create Dump Zones
One thing that I've found that seems very different between people with ADHD cleaning and neurotypical people cleaning is that neurotypical people are good at getting to a point where the cleaning is "done." They have checked off their tasks and they have finished and it is over. There are *SOME* chores that are like this (taking out the trash is a binary state, the trash has been taken out or it has not) and some chores are perpetual (horrid cursed dishes) but I think with people with ADHD, some chores that are binary for neurotypicals are actually perpetual chores. For instance "clean off the counter" is not a one and done for me. "Clean off the counter" may involve a three day reorganization project. "Clean off the counter" does not mean "wipe down the tile and put dishes away" it means assessing whether or not I need to make vegetable stock and bleaching three tea containers and reconsidering whether or not the sharps container should live somewhere else and going through the mail and figuring out what needs to be responded to and taking out the recycling and on and on and on.
We have had company at the house for the last two weeks, so I asked large bastard to clean off the dining room table, which is largely a project zone for him. Cleaning off the dining room table meant putting away his meds (and since he's a transplant patient that involves a 30 gallon rubbermade tote), throwing away some trash, and totally reorganizing his workshop. It also incidentally involved picking up a table from facebook marketplace and moving my plants, which has now involved moving my former plant rack outside (moving buckets, finding and organizing planters and gardening tools) and taking the former table to the thrift store (not done yet) and cleaning the rug that was under the former table. So "either the table is clean, or it isn't" isn't really true for us.
HOWEVER "hang on we can't eat until the table is clear so let's drive to Pico Rivera to get that console table right now" isn't a workable plan, so you create dumpzones as areas of holding between the start and the finish of the chore.
A dump zone can be a laundry basket. It can be a craft bin. It can be a back room or under your bed. It is a place to put things that you are going to deal with later because if you deal with them now it is going to derail the thing you are actually trying to do, which is set the table for dinner.
Dump zones are vital to cleaning with ADHD and I recommend them for day-to-day cleaning as well. The day-to-day dump zones might be more for you than for your boyfriend. For instance, Large Bastard works with bullets and he sheds bullets all over the house. I used to get stressed when I found bullets when I was cleaning because are these work bullets? Are these recreational bullets? Are they in testing? Do they need to be pulled? Do they go in the workshop or the office or the garage or does he need these today so they have to stay on the counter? And the answer now is "that's not my problem naughty bullets go in the jar." Which is perfectly sensible because he gets to say "mystery yarn goes in the bin" and "art supplies go in the bucket."
I feel helpless when cleaning a lot of the time. I'm frustrated and lost and I don't know where stuff goes and everything I pick up spins off into three projects in my head and every step feels like a wall to scale. Dump zones help me with that when there's pressure or a reason for cleaning beyond day to day home maintenance. People are coming over? The bedroom is a dump zone, I'll deal with that later. I'm just cleaning up because I need to? Okay I can find a permanent home for this new dish soap.
AS A VERY IMPORTANT COROLLARY TO THIS:
Active projects do not go in dump zones while you or your partner are cleaning. This may mean designating a project sanctuary area like a corner of the table or one particular chair in your main room where a project can be placed so as not to be disturbed. (if my current crochet project ends up in the yarn bin, that may mean that I don't pick the project up for another three months, it lives on the windowsill behind the couch because that's where it'll get worked on)
Do not put things away for your partner, put them in the dump zone for your partner. Your partner has to be the one to put their own stuff away in a way that works for them. I tend to find that this naturally puts a limit on the time stuff sits in the dump zone, because eventually you'll go "hey where's my thing?" and will put stuff away. If that doesn't happen, it's still generally better to have stuff in a dump zone than all over the home.
Do not decide you know what things go together from your partner's stuff and try to "put like things together." The neurotypical urge to put like things together is the mindkiller(j/k). You do not know which things are "similar" in your partner's organization schema and attempting to organize things on your own is going to end up with all of the things "organized" being functionally lost forever from your partner's perspective. Large Bastard's mom would do this and it was infuriating, she'd say "oh I put all the electronics stuff in one box" and she would mean soldering irons, transistors, ham radios, HDMI cables, and cellphone chargers. We are *still* going through boxes of stuff that she "tidied up" when he was hospitalized in 2020 and 2021.
To prevent the need for quite so many dump zones over time, you can work on setting up landing zones and "homes" for projects and tools.
Landing Zones
Landing zones are places where things go when you come inside from doing various things. Sometimes your landing zone only needs to be a tray for your wallet and keys, sometimes your landing zone needs to be a place to take off muddy boots and put a trowel and gloves down before you shower.
To make an effective landing zone, consider what behaviors you're trying to minimize and whether the people using it are ACTUALLY going to use it. For instance I was tired of the corner of my hearth getting cluttered with random junk so I hung up some hooks and put a shelf and a basket there and it became a really effective landing zone for my bag and keys and the mail, but it was VERY ineffective for Large Bastard because it's by a door that isn't the primary door he uses to enter the house. As a result I always know where my keys and bag are but he has trouble finding his keys and wallet. He tends to enter the house through our bedroom and has an overloaded valet next to the door and that's usually where his wallet ends up. Mounting a shelf to the wall above the valet and putting a basket and a hook on it will be a better place for his stuff to land. It's not that he's not using the first zone because he doesn't know that it's there, or because he doesn't care about lost time when I'm searching for my car keys after he borrows them, he's not using it because it's not by the door he uses. That's all.
I have a landing space for when I come in for gardening that's different than the one when I come in from grocery shopping. I have a landing space for when I walk into the dining room instead of the kitchen when I get home.
Landing spaces prevent stuff from piling up all over the place because they are a limited functional space that should be used frequently. Mail ONLY goes in the landing zone. If you have mystery mail or if you're not sure it's safe to toss, you put it in the landing zone. You can't let the mail get piled up too high or you won't have a space for your keys. You can't let the change in your wallet tray get too deep or your wallet is going to slide off, etc., but you also don't just put change on the coffee table or your nightstand because the landing zone is right there.
Homes for items are just what they sound like. They're the place the item goes. It lives there. My meds live on my nightstand. You would not believe how poorly I did with taking my meds on my vacation because they weren't on my nightstand. A while back large bastard lost one of his sets of sorted meds and we tore the house up looking for them because he couldn't find them in his nightstand, which is where they live. *I* found them in his nightstand because I emptied out the entire top drawer (he had only looked on the top layer) and found them underneath a radio and a hammock. Even though they were *hidden* they were in their home, so they were findable. I recently needed ink for an art class. Art supplies live in a dresser by my desk. Ink lives in the art bin or the top left drawer. The ink was not in either of these places (it was on a cabinet in the dining room behind a teacup) so it took me weeks to find it.
Sometimes the reason that ADHD spaces are so messy is because objects have been assigned homes in places that are visible and if they get moved they get lost. This is a genuinely difficult problem that requires a lot of effort to solve and can involve a lot of trial and error for creating a tidy living space. For some people, open shelving and visible storage might be a good solution. For some people, assigning a VERY clear home and inculcating that location by habit is the only way to clean up a space. For some people one very cluttered corner to at least isolate the chaos does the trick (for me and large bastard open shelving doesn't work because anything in one place for too long becomes invisible; that means that I rely on assigning things homes and large bastard relies on having contained chaos and a general idea of where to search but what that DOES NOT mean is that he is clean or tidy. His spaces look like an explosion. But he can mostly find his stuff and do what he needs to do and as long as that's limited to specific places in shared spaces I can live with it; the dining room table can be a disaster, the kitchen cannot).
People organize things differently. It often takes a while for neurotypical adults to settle into an organizational style that works for them and ADHD adults may need to settle into a new system every few months for it to continue working. The cleanup and declutter is most likely going to be a permanent project that is always going to demand some level of attention from everyone in a shared space, but "my ADHD means I can't do it" is not really going to fly. Maybe his ADHD means that he can't keep his space tidy, but it doesn't mean you can't move stuff from shared spaces into dump zones or that he can't do stuff around the house.
If he's insisting that his ADHD means that he can't clean it is possible that he's not being a shithead, he just feels helpless and doesn't know where to start and has adopted the belief that he's a useless piece of shit who can't even keep a tidy space like a grownup because he's internalized a lot of shitty attitudes (hello, my internal monologue about keeping a clean house). But it's also possible that he's just being a shithead.
It's something that's worthwhile to investigate with him. If he's unwilling to make an attempt, then he's being a shithead.
It is also not your responsibility to rehabilitate another person. If he wants to clean and it's something he feels bad about and needs some help and support with the way that someone might need help or support for learning to use a mobility aid, that is fine but you don't have to be the one who gives him that support if it's detrimental to your health, and you don't have to be the one to teach him that stuff if it's not something you're capable of. And if he is NOT interested in working on making your shared living space more accessible for you, that is not your suitcase to unpack and you just have to ask yourself the question from the start: would I stay with this person if I knew the situation was never going to change?
IDK, I'm sure a lot of this reads like "anon you must take on the emotional labor of training your partner to be an adult" but it's really meant to be more of a way of assessing yourself and your relationship. If you created landing zones do you think he'd use them? Would he get angry if you assigned a laundry basket as a dump zone for his stuff while you tidy the living room? Is living with him long-term going to be comfortable for you if nothing changes? Do you have enough of a shared definition of "mess" that you're at least in the ballpark for what counts as a clean house?
anyway good luck, and a reminder to folks that I'm compiling a bunch of adhd resources and other information on my personal website, ms-demeanor.com. It's coming along slowly but it will eventually include stuff like ADHD cleaning tips and how to tackle a hoard, so maybe keep your eye on that space.
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mrgaretcarter · 2 years
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gxtzeizm · 7 months
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Lando Norris and Max Fewtrell for Quadrant Originals behind the scenes [x]
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aashi-heartfilia · 5 months
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The hypocrisy of Jinshi and MaoMao
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*light novel spoilers*
I just love how hypocritical MaoMao's nature is. She yells at Jinshi for being a 'Masochist' and yet we see that she's no different. Now, by definition Masochist is a person who drives sexual gratification from their own pain and humiliation, plus it relates to Jinshi's tendency to do self harm (like burning his skin with a brand)
And what is MaoMao's most favourite thing in this world?
POISON
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She literally takes pleasure in consuming it and no one can convince me otherwise. Plus she uses dangerous plants and animals and snakes whatnot in the name of her so-called experiments. Her dad may call her a 'mad Scientist' but that is a direct indication of self harm.
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And she calls Jinshi a Masochist.
I mean, think about it! The amount of anxiety she gives to Jinshi! She came prepared with a vomit inducing medicine but even she had no idea whether it would work or not. She was just hoping it would work in the salt chapter.
And the same goes for her hand, on which she has conducted countless experiments. One flower even burned her skin and its marks never left her skin. She said it was all for her hobby. What kind of weird hobby is that? Maybe, our little adorable mad scientist is just like that.
One brands his own skin, while the other takes heavenly pleasure in consuming poison.
So my point is, Jinshi and MaoMao are not that different as one might think they are and that's why their dynamic works so well.
Let's look at the excerpts from volume 5:
She didn’t know how long they sat that way. All she knew was that Jinshi was looking down at her with a faintly triumphant expression, as if he saw that the breath had reached every corner of her body now. He wiped away the tears that had sprung to her eyes as she struggled to breathe. It was then that Maomao felt a flash of intense anger. “I said that if you were going to kill me, you should do it with poison,” she told him. “I refuse to let you poison yourself,” Jinshi said, his fingers tracing her lips. “You can’t pretend you didn’t know that you were one of the candidates. As much as I’m sure you’d like to.” He wasn’t done, either: “Who was that man, anyway? I’m sure you’re not a dancer.” So he had been watching them! “I was just paying for my drink,” Maomao said. “It didn’t cost much.” She tried to look away, but with his hand on her head, she really couldn’t.
Jinshi just choked her and yet he refuses to let MaoMao poison herself. A lot of people misinterpret this scene, and don't like it all that much, saying it was just fanservice stuff but this is how I see it: Jinshi wasn't trying to kill MaoMao, he was just trying to make MaoMao submit to him for once (even if the way he did it was very wrong, but guess he's kinky like that). MaoMao is actively trying to harm herself and Jinshi loves MaoMao a lot, he cannot just let her kill herself.
It was more about him trying to exert his dominance in their weirdish - complicated relationship and that also backfires on him as we see in the next volume that MaoMao escapes Jinshi's grasps using Pairin's techniques.
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And then they both continue to avoid each other in the entire next volume! Because they both realised that they have crossed boundaries.
They both are hypocrites.
And they both refuse to accept their feelings.
In one of the later volumes, she gives Jinshi a piece of her mind on how he should tell her everything clearly, unequivocally, what he feels, and he literally declares that "he will make her his wife", which is nice and all but look at the wording MaoMao used here....
Excerpts from LN Vol 7, chapter 19 called "A man and a woman play the game"
"You’re forever telling me I need to use my words, Master Jinshi, but are you in any position to criticize? Everything you say to me, everything you do, it’s like it’s calculated to save you from ever having to actually say what you mean! To make me figure it all out! You know, you remind me of someone. You act exactly like a man who used to come by our brothel all the time. He was in love with one of the girls, but he would never just come out and say it. He thought it should be obvious from the way he acted. He was so sure he had a good thing going with this woman that he never sent her so much as a letter. I remember how forlorn he looked when someone else swooped in and snatched her away! He kept coming to the brothel after that—to get drunk and whine to the ladies. Well, in my opinion, he could have avoided all that heartbreak if he’d told the woman how he felt. Clearly, unequivocally, so that she knew where they stood. It was the least he could have done!”
Everything came out in a torrent. She felt like she’d said it all in one breath. It was strange, she thought, to hear so many words come out of her own mouth. She was mystified. Jinshi was no less startled, but the shock soon left his face, replaced by something else. He got up off the bed and stared down at Maomao.
Shit. Now I’ve done it. She’d given him a piece of her mind, and he was about to give her one back.
“So I should be clear, should I? Unequivocal? I should say what I mean? If I did, would you actually listen to me? Is that what you’re telling me? I’m going to hold you to that! Right this minute. I’ll say it all. Don’t plug your ears—listen to me!” He grabbed her hands as she was in the process of trying to put her fingers in her ears. He took a breath. He was looking at Maomao, but somehow he seemed almost embarrassed. Finally he managed, “Now listen to me, y—I mean, Maomao! Listen close! I am going to make you my wife!”
It's one heck of a chapter and I suggest you give it a go! The title of the chapter says "A man and a woman play the game" as if to emphasize the very fact that both Jinshi and MaoMao are playing the game.
Jinshi has never confessed his true feelings before this chapter and only implied that he wanted to make MaoMao his wife.
The implications were heavy though on Jinshi's part, and as smart as MaoMao is, anyone would have guessed that MaoMao was one of the candidates for Jinshi's consort. Even the clothes she received (the ones she wore to the banquet) were also provided by Jinshi along with the hairpin. It is never stated outright but seeing as the hairpin was from Jinshi, the clothes are also implied to be the same.
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More or less she's always deliberately ignoring the possibility of having anything to do with him, that is more than professional. Some may call it denial, I call it dense. Maybe, to some extent, she herself is not aware of her feelings because she never lets herself feel anything.
Even Suiren pointed it out pretty early in the manga, that maybe it's MaoMao's way of being reserved. We need to keep in mind that MaoMao is an unreliable narrator and it's more of what she does, rather than what she says that makes a difference.
Even in the chapter that I have quoted above, she had every reason to leave Jinshi, she wasn't working for him after all. But she stayed to make tea for him, even after the fact that she had a long day too. She was almost just as exhausted as Jinshi and yet she was there preparing medicinal tea, so that he could get a better sleep.
Maybe she herself is yet to realise just how deep her feelings run. Till vol 12 she seems to have accepted them, but she still is yet to acknowledge their depth. Maybe it's because of her childhood.
It's not a traumatic backstory but MaoMao had a sad childhood nonetheless....
She was raised by her grand uncle and her real father was eccentric, who scared her. Her mother must also appear to be kind of demonic to her, since she was desperate enough to cut MaoMao's Pinky finger and send it to Lahan. So it's safe to say that MaoMao never received proper parental affection. And adding to the fact that, a brothel is not exactly an ideal place for raising a child.... especially when the birth of MaoMao was the one thing that brought the brothel to its knees...even if being born wasn't her choice.
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Plus MaoMao stated it herself that when she was a baby, no one would come to sooth her until their work was finished, implying that even if MaoMao and her brothel sisters are close, they are not that close. A mother's love is different and she never received it. No one can love you more than your mother and MaoMao was deprived of that. She soon realised that no one was coming. Life is hard and she has no choice but to face it!
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So, she got interested in poison.
Maybe she doesn't love herself or her life as much as she says / pretends she does. She's always like "yeah, I would very much like my head to be with my body" and "if I stay low profile maybe I can survive here" etc but maybe deep down that's not the case. Maybe that's why she loves poison so much. The implications are crazy.
And to break MaoMao's shell, Jinshi has no choice but to be a bit more forceful at times? At least that's how I interpret that choking scene. Jinshi was angry at MaoMao because she deliberately suggested him to marry consort Rishu and danced with Rikuson.
Even if Jinshi never said it outright, he was giving hints the entire time.
But well the tables turned and MaoMao topped him instead, lol (vol 7) and later we even see that our little stray cat has accepted Jinshi and she's ready to be in a relationship with him (vol 12).
Plus she is intrigued by the process of birth (she wants to eat her baby's placenta, it's kind of uggghhh.... but anyways, that MaoMao we're talking about, she's just weird that way)
Maybe not after too long she'll realise that if she has to give birth, she can only have it with Jinshi and no one else.
~Sunshine
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hannieehaee · 25 days
Text
ARE WE STILL FRIENDS (teaser)
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18+ / mdi
summary: being besties with two of the most popular idols in korea always came with a few rumors here and there, but what happened when one of your platonic besties suddenly started acting a little friendlier than usual? or worse, what happened when they both turned their affections to you?
content: idol!au, hybeidol!reader x idol!mingyu, hybeidol!reader x idol!jungkook, 97liner!reader, friends2lovers, not mingyu x jk (they just share u like all besties would<3), not that much plot, afab reader, smut, oral (f and m receiving), body worship, fingering, penetrative sex, etc.
(^ no actual content warnings in the teaser)
wc: 1.3k (teaser); 8.2k (full fic)
release date: april 27th
or you can check it out on my ko-fi or patreon today by subscribing to either one!
a/n: decided to write a little surprise fic!! ive been getting into bts lately and so this was born<3
masterlist | kofi/patreon
support me through a one time tip<3
"Do you think the company would get mad if we did a live together right now?", Jungkook pondered out loud as the three of you sat on different pieces of furniture around his large living room.
"Yeah."
"They didn't seem to mind when Jungkook and I did it that one time," disagreed Mingyu.
"Yeah, but I'm the girl. I'm the one who wakes up to new dating rumors every time we hang out publicly."
"Yeah, but people must know we're just friends by now, right? It's been years."
That much was true.
You weren't sure of the exact date, but your friendship with both boys predated the overall international success of Kpop as of recent years. When you had met both boys, they had barely battled their way through puberty – though you weren't faring any better.
The media enjoyed making the three of you a subject, knowing that you were evidently the closest out of all members of the popular 97s friend group. Being the only girl integrant, it was common for people to have the misconception that you were romantically involved with either Mingyu or Jungkook, seeing as you were often spotted in public with them.
You'd gotten used to the rumors and hate that came attached to being their friend, now usually leaving those things in the back burner rather than letting them bother you. By now, the three of you were a bit more careless about being seen together. Being seniors in the industry, those things didn't matter much to you anymore, but being seen inside Jungkook's house would surely stir up the worst rumors to date, so going live with him was entirely out of the question.
It did bother you sometimes; the double standard. While Jungkook and Mingyu could even interact in public or mention each other freely, any time you did so you were met with hate from either fandom, sometimes even your own. It also made you worry about your future. Could you ever be in a relationship without facing the brunt of all the hate that would come your way? At 26 years of age, it was a frustrating reality to think about.
Jungkook got up at some point to go fetch some more bottles of soju. Apparently the seven bottles the three of you had drank collectively weren't enough for the large men you were drinking with.
While Jungkook was gone, Mingyu got up from his seat on the couch opposite to you and took a seat down next to you, invading your personal space like he usually did.
"Worrying your pretty little head about something?", asked Mingyu as he leaned over you, taking the occasional sip from his drink.
"It's nothing."
"C'mon, what's up?", his hand ran up and down your arm in a soothing manner.
Invading your space and being overly touchy usually meant that he was tipsy. But to be fair, you were a bit tipsy too.
"Do you ever think about dating?"
"Who? You?", he chuckled.
"No, dumbass. I mean in general."
He seemed to sober up a little at the mention of the subject, straightening up a bit as he sat sideways on the couch so he could look at you fully.
"What's got you thinking about that?"
"I don't know ... I'm 26 now. Isn't it time I started settling down? Have someone filling up the other half of the bed," you pondered, feeling a bit pathetic as you did so.
Mingyu let out a quiet sound of confusion, eyebrows furrowed and head leaning to the side in question.
"Isn't that what me and Jungkook are for?"
Not taking him seriously, you chuckled and took a swing of your almost empty bottle of soju.
"I'm serious, Mingyu. I mean a romantic relationship, where, you know, it's just us and we do couple things and we settle down and all that stuff."
"What can you do with some guy that you couldn't do with us?", he grabbed both your drinks and set them on the table.
Suddenly, his demeanor seemed a bit more serious, which confused you.
Where the hell was Jungkook with those drinks?
"I- Are you serious? Do you need me to tell you?"
"Yeah, I mean, why would you need to look for some guy if you have us?"
Oh. He was serious.
"Because we're friends?," you were beyond confused, "I can't go out with you romantically, or move in with you, or," you gulped, "or sleep with you."
"You can't?", he scoot closer to you.
"Mingyu ..."
"I just mean ... Why would you go after some loser when we can just take care of you?", his hand went back to touching you, though this time it ran up and down your thigh rather than your arm. That false semblance of innocence was gone, "You want someone to keep your bed warm? You don't even have to ask ... I'll do it- we'll do it."
Through his short speech, he got closer and closer, just as the air in the room got heavier. The atmosphere itself shifted dramatically, specially with Mingyu so close to you.
Mingyu was the touchiest man you'd ever known. Being his best friend, you had fallen victim to his touchy demeanor endless times, but never like this. Never while his eyes were hooded and heavy with some emotion you'd never seen in them before.
"Gyu, I-"
"Can I show you?", he rasped, eyes now on your lips.
"Y-you're drunk," you were sure that must've been it. The combination between drinking and talking about dating must've short circuited his brain.
"Just tipsy ... Tipsy enough to get the balls to tell you how much I want you ... but lucid enough to remember how many times I've thought about this."
The hands on your thighs moved to your waist, closing in on you, slowly pulling you toward him. By the end of it, you were halfway sitting on his lap.
"You've thought about this?"
Your nervous hands went to his shoulders for support, easily giving in to him.
"So many times. Jungkook too," he chuckled as he began burying his head in your neck, lips ghosting the sensitive skin.
Lacking any control of your body, you repositioned yourself to allow him better access to you, now fully on his lap as he sat sideways on the couch, arms wrapped fully around you and face buried in your neck.
"Gyu, I-"
"Yeah? Is this okay? Is it okay if I kiss your neck like this? This is what you wanted, right? Someone to take care of you?", he mumbled as he made his way to your ear with breathy kisses.
You were burning up, completely powerless to Mingyu. It was kind of embarrassing how easily you gave in to him. How you had been entirely unaware of his want for you until five minutes ago, yet you were now pliant in his hold, willing to listen to his senseless argument about him and Jungkook being good replacement for a relationship. You also had that to think about – the Jungkook aspect of it all.
The reminder of Jungkook's presence woke you up a bit, remembering that you were literally sitting on your best friend's lap while in your other best friend's living room.
With half a mind to let Mingyu do whatever he wanted to do with you, you powered your way through your decision to pull him away from your neck.
"Gyu, wait. Kook could get here any minute-"
"Don't stop on my account. Seemed like you were having fun without me."
Your head snapped to the door at the introduction of the raspy voice of your best friend, finding said friend leaning against the doorframe with a few drinks in one hand and a few ramen cups stacked on the other.
"Jungkook-"
"So, can someone catch me up?", he got closer, dropping off all the food he was carrying on the table and sitting next to you on the couch.
...
read today on ko-fi or patreon by subscribing to either one<3
NOTE: it wont let me reply to people anymore but ill be tagging everyone who comments asking to be tagged just letting u guys know<3
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anantaru · 11 months
Text
— how to make them blush
including dan heng, sampo, jing yuan, blade, gepard, welt, luocha x gn! reader
꒰ genre ꒱ — fluff, blushy boys, very cute
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contrary to popular belief, it doesn't require a lot of effort to make your boyfriend dan heng blush radiantly because of something you'd do— for instance, delicately ruffle his soft hair, or easily grabbing his hand while you‘re going on a leisure walk or placing a precious and thoughtful compliment on him so he doesn‘t forget how much you love him. it begins slowly, and dan heng doesn‘t take his eyes from you, yet the very reason you can see it focused, more unimpeded. the casting of soothing red evincing on his person, gently cascading over the outlines of his sharp features like rural waves and there he was, you smile triumphantly at him when you catch it— expressing and doughy, the luminous scarlet color.
in the early stages of your relationship, you never thought that the usual confident and self assured sampo actually had a pretty deep soft spot of being praised and complimented by you. he likes, no, adores, when you compliment the most arbitrary things he'd carry out— whether it was easily cooking you dinner, situating a pure smile on your lips or planning ahead an upcoming date for the both of you. by the stowing means of this, you decide to do it again and tell him how impossible cute he was and how much you valued all the effort he put forth, especially how so very special and ambrosial while your boyfriend will quickly stave his head away from you before you can see it, an exultant blush flickering a powerfully charming redness on his entire face.
a man, specifically a well renowned general, such as jing yuan himself was quite difficult to fluster in a way where he‘d end up blushing and reddening honest warmth. but, evidently, you weren‘t one to give up on such a big challenge, the thought of having the man blushing in front of you was far too delicious to refuse on. so, you massage his scalp, kiss him and show him your brightest smile, yet nothing seem to work for some reason. but then, it‘s different, out of the natural sphere, when after an entire day of trying your hardest to make him show any early signs of redness, you show gradual defeat, eyes heavy and low lidded, drenched in tiredness— to add onto that, jing yuan‘s chest was far too comfortable to get up from. well, little do you realize after a couple of minutes pass, you find yourself deeply slumbering on top of him, and the thought that you feel so safe and shielded by his side, made the sleepy general blush at last.
prior to you, your charming boyfriend blade wasn‘t used to being loved or cared for in his life by anyone at all. to say that this heart warming relationship with you now was a new one, was a clear understatement. be that as it may, you can catch him hide a blush from you quite frequently, especially in the early stages of your togetherness, he for no other reason cannot help himself and get easily emotional at the thought that he has you, you're his, greater reason that you love him just the way he was and accepted each flaw, each scar, without a single care throughout the entire universe. but, one particular motion that will make the man blush instantly, faster and the most distinguished— in its highest duration, was when you cuddled him in midst the night, without saying a word, both quietly tangled under the soft sheets, and you whisper a little "i love you" right against his ear shell.
gepard finds it immensely captivating when you listen to the little, fun stories he tends to tell you all after coming home from his hard work. suddenly, he becomes shy when he notices that he talked far too much and wordlessly fears that he might‘ve bored you to death by some of his seemingly uninteresting stories, or that's how he referred to them. at the same time, when he looks at you up closer and realizes that you were in fact, eagerly listening to each of the words he expelled from his lips, gepard can‘t help himself but shine a glittering red towards your direction— cheeks puckered and flustered scarlet and spreading onto his entire face. "so?" you say, effortlessly snapping him back to the present, "how does the story end?" and your boyfriend suddenly leans into you without warning, to place a subtle peck on your lips, words couldn't possibly describe that feeling.
welt doesn't blush, nope, that's the end, he unelaborately doesn't. the man keeps himself in tact pretty forthcoming and without an issue— besides, he doesn't think it's possible for him to blush in the first place. then there's you, moving your lips slightly to indicate a smile as you slant forward, "your hair." you point out, "let me fix it." and progress your hand into his strands to couple the lousy hair hanging carelessly on his forehead. it's a mess, both the bloody situation and welt who, for some unclear reason, couldn't stomach what just had happened and he quickly pulls his head away— taking off his glasses and act as if he had to clean them, even though he just did that five minutes ago. a keen smirk plays around the edges of your mouth when you realize what was going on, yet you do not speak, don't say anything, but make a mental note to never forget on how to make your usually sophisticated boyfriend the exact opposite.
luocha knows whenever you try to fluster him, beyond everything, he has observant eyes and effortlessly sees through all the teeny tiny schemes you tend to carry out with him. when you become more clingy and coo sweet nothings towards his direction, or when you decide that your boyfriend deserves a couple more kisses than the day before, he can see that you were attempting to play tricks on him and coax out the desired reaction. but what luocha did not see coming was that, as a matter of fact, it was beginning to work, quite powerful as well. conveniently there he was, having you wrapped around his strong arms as you do it again, sneakily kissing from his collarbones to the outline of his sharp jaw, until placing your lips on him at all. he instantly blushes, pulling his hand to the back of your head to keep you into the kiss, so you wouldn't catch him, wouldn't flash him a cheeky smile afterwards too when you'd realize that you managed to make him flustered at the very end.
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©2023 anantaru do not repost, copy, translate, modify
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luvergirl777 · 5 months
Text
Sweet Girl | Spencer Reid
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Pairing | Spencer Reid x Reader
Word Count | 3k, not bad. 
Genre | Fluff, Smut 
Summary | Spencer is tired, so tired. He knows only one thing could possibly cheer him up. His sweet girl.
Index | Kinda sub Spencer, he's tired and want's to be taken care of, you're more than happy to do that, smut, unprotected sex, love confessions lol, they're perfect for each other, established relationship, pinning, cute shit.
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There are so many thoughts in Spencer’s brain, there always is. It’s impossible for them to slow down, he’s always so busy. Even when he’s not working, he’s thinking about the next case, the next degree, the next time he’ll be called into office for a dire case. It’s exhaustive and it feels impossible to just breathe for more than a moment. His morale started to slip, work becoming messy, cases blurring together, memory almost shot.
Until he met you, everything was hard, until he met you. It was an accident, technically. His morning coffee cafe wasn’t open, forcing him to break his routine that he’s had for months. As soon as he spotted you, the new (and out of his way) cafe instantly became his new favorite. Smart and kind, the sweetest smile always worn on your face. He swears you’re the smartest person he’s ever met, always ignoring you whenever you point out his multiple PHDs and ever continuous education journey. 
You force him to look at things differently, not really trying to, but you do. It’s refreshing, it’s amazing to him how it works, a breath of fresh air. Since he’s realized the difference in himself when he’s with you, he’s fallen head over heels. Your apartment is small and cozy, warm lighting and blankets everywhere. He’s at your apartment more than he is his own, feels more at home. 
You ease his mind, make everything easier. He can just be himself around you without any worry about needing to prove something. He can relax for the first time in what feels like years. It almost kills him to have to go away for cases, kills him even more when the cases last weeks or months. He spares you almost all the details, much like Garcia whenever he can. It’s not what you signed up for. Even when you ask, he only really tells you public knowledge. He keeps you separate from his work, he needs you separate from his work. His sweet girl, he’d like to keep it that way. 
Spencer’s exhausted, beyond exhausted he thinks. He can’t remember the last time he’s been away from you for this long, the last time he’s truly felt this horrible. His shoulders are heavy, eye bags growing from the exhausting 3 weeks he’s had. Kill, after kill, after kill, with no motive, no tracts, no suspects. He felt like a newbie again at the BAU, unable to track down their unsub. It feels like he’s failing everyone and himself, it was beginning to tear him down. 
Nightmare after nightmare, he was almost unable to sleep for the three weeks he’s been gone. The day they found the unsub, he almost cried with relief. The entire team almost cried, really. Generally he’s not emotional by any means, tries to stay objective in his work, but this time he just couldn’t. He’s happy, thrilled, to be home despite admittedly being a bit dishevelled from the trip. Unshaven, worn down, exhausted, eye bags, the list goes on and on. 
You’ve missed him too, but you’ve tried to keep your calling and texting at bay so as to not distract him from his work. As he makes his way home, you almost bubble with excitement. The door is loud as it unlocks, heavy click overpowering the soft instrumental vinyl that was filling the silence. Your feet run to meet him at the door, more than excited. The door opens, revealing a tired Reid. It’s the worst you’ve seen him in awhile, maybe in over a year you think. 
You’ve known Spencer for a while now, seen arguably the worst sides of him. This isn’t quite that, but it is pretty close to it. The slouch and far-out look tells you almost everything you need to know. 
“Oh, Spence.” You call to him softly, watching as his feet don’t move, eyes taking you in as you cautiously approach him as if he were a wounded animal. He doesn’t say anything, watching as you reach for his shoulders. He doesn’t need to say anything for you to understand, hands gently cupping his face and thumbs gently rubbing his cheeks as you comfort him. “Come, step inside.” You almost whisper, gently pulling him inside by his hands, warm. 
A small smile grows on his face as you take off his suit jacket, palms massaging his shoulders and biceps as you do so. You sway softly to the music, almost dancing into the kitchen as you pull him along. “Let’s eat, Spence.” You smile, sitting him down first. At this level, you easily reach his temple where you place a soft kiss. You don’t have to, but you’re more than happy to prepare a plate for Spencer. The music is comforting, the two of you sitting close, your foot brushing against his leg when you cross your legs. 
You happily clean up after the two of you, dancing around the kitchen as you entertain Spencer in the meantime. “How’re you feeling?” You hum, Spencer’s arms wrapping around your waist as you stand directly in front of him. He easily pulls you forward into his embrace. Your arms wrap around his neck, his face burying into the crook of your shoulder as you do so. 
“Better.” It’s all you need, all he needs to say. He’s putty in your hands as you softly pull him forward and off the kitchen bench, easily leading him to the shower. 
He’s so grateful for you, he thinks silently, to himself. He’s never felt like this for someone, and for the longest time, he was afraid he just couldn’t. He could never understand wanting someone with you everyday of the year, living in the same space, sharing everything. The thought used to make him nauseous. The thought of being with someone intimately used to make his skin crawl. But with you, it’s different, everything is different. 
He craves coming home to you, craves your touch after a long day, craves hearing your voice, craves your presence, craves your intimacy. He melts in your hold, his brain is able to finally shut off after a long day. All the thoughts, running miles a minute, goes away. 
He feels like he could cry as you run a shower for him, gently unbuttoning his white button up, fiddling with his belt to take off his pants, kissing his skin better, unknowingly healing him. “Y/n, please shower with me.” He mumbles, kicking his shoes and pants off, undressing the rest of the way. He steps in, watching as you undress before quickly joining him. 
“I’ve been worried about you, pretty boy.” You smile as you step inside, his arms immediately wrapping around your body. He’s tired and homesick, obviously so as he sinks into you. 
“I know, I know,” He nods along, hands sliding up to hold your head in his palms. “I’m okay, I promise.” Spencer smiles, gently kissing your forehead, back down to your cheeks, and finally connecting your lips. You immediately return the kiss, desperate for his touch, his lips on yours. 
“I know you are.” You smile, mumbling against his lips. Spencer smiles too, pulling you deeper into the kiss, closer to his body. You can’t help the small moan that slips when you feel him against you, shaky hands pu\lling him closer roughly by his back. 
“It’s always the best coming back to you, though,” Spencer almost groans into your mouth, making you weak in the knees as he does so. “I can hold my own, but there’s nothing better than coming home to you.”
“Spence, we gotta clean you up,” You almost whimper at your own words, sadly pulling away from him. “Had a rough couple of weeks.” Spencer just nods along, allowing you to do as you please. He’d let you do anything, always. He melts as your hands meet his hair, shampooing and conditioning. He doesn’t melt when you wash his body, quite the opposite as his skin burns hot as your hands rub along his body. 
“Please,” Spencer whines, quickly doing the same for you. He needs to get out of this before he loses his mind, he thinks. As soon as you’re both clean, his lips almost slam against yours, needy, almost desperate. “I’ve missed you so much,” He whines, complaining. 
“Come, Spence.” You mumble, lips against his shoulder as you talk to him. Your face and ears are burning hot, wanting to get out of the shower quickly. Spencer follows you without a hitch, quickly wrapping the both of you in fizzy towels as he places another kiss to your shoulder. “I’ve missed you, Spencer.” You smile at him, walking backwards out of the bathroom. He follows happily, a tired smile painted across his features. A towel hangs low on his waist as he follows. 
“I’m really tired, hun, I won’t lie.” Spencer mumbles as he sits down on the bed, fluffy towel becoming loose when his grip leaves it. A whimper leaves his lips when you straddle his hips, core bare as you lower your weight. He can feel your warmth, mind growing fuzzy almost immediately as you wrap your arms around his shoulders, holding him close. You don’t make a move to hurry things up, only tucking his hair behind his ears as you glance over his face. 
“So pretty, Spencer.” You mumble as you talk to him, continuing to play with his hair. “I’ll do the work, I just want you to feel good. Feel good after being away for so long, working so hard,” You mumble against his shoulder as you kiss it. Your town easily falls backwards off of your shoulders, leaving you bare on top of Spencer. “You gonna let me do that? Gonna be good?”
“Yes, yes please.” Spencer mumbles, roughly connecting your lips. His grip tangles in your hair, pulling as close as he possibly can. You whine into his mouth, hips grinding against him, so close yet so far, chest pressed flush against his own. You lift yourself onto your knees, pulling at Reid’s towel to move it off of his lap. You drop your weight back down as soon as possible, grinding against Reid’s cock, easily slipping through your folds. 
“Want you, miss you so much,” You complain, for no particular reason. You know Spencer is more than happy to give you what you want, almost wants it just as badly. “I want it.”
“Take it, sweet girl, take it.” He groans into your mouth, sloppily kissing you as if his life depends on it. His palms knead at your flesh, touching and holding everything you can reach. You whimper when his hands knead your inner thighs, so close to where you need him the most. “Need it just as bad. I’ve missed you so much, love you so much.”
Your hips lift up, Spencer helping you out the slightest as he lines up his cock for you. Your legs shake as you sink back down, hips connecting with a small slap. You both share a moan, needy hands pulling one another as close as physically possible. Spencer throbs as you grind against his cock, completely inside you, clit rubbing against his skin. It doesn’t feel that good to him, but watching you shake and whimper is almost enough to get him off. 
“I love you, Spencer.” You mumble, finally building the strength to lift yourself up, bouncing on his cock. You know exactly what Spencer likes, what he wants, moving exactly how he needs you to. You know where he’s sensitive, how to get him to tick. As you kiss his neck and squeeze around him, he swears he can stay here forever with you. He wants to stay forever, not here, maybe not this specifically, but with you. He wants to be with you, forever. 
“Y/N, I- oh fuck,” Spencer whines as you speed up, desperately chasing his moans, wanting to hear him. He feels embarrassingly close already, all of his senses full of you. You’re so tight and warm, goosebumps spreading across his skin. “Y/N, will you, uh, I want-” His words break off as he moans, feeling his abs tighten up as he fights off the urge to cum. To combat it, his fingers dip in between your bodies, gently rubbing circles into your sensitive clit. 
“Spencer, oh fuck.” You whine, tightening around him even more. “Gonna cum, you’re gonna make me cum.” You bite softly into his chest, whimpers muffled by his skin. 
“Marry me,” Spencer whines, voice muffled and whiny. You don’t register his words, focused on the way his fingers rub circles into your clit, his other hand roughly guiding your hips as you bounce up and down on his cock, vice grip around him. Your thighs are shaking, teetering on the edge that you’re so close to falling off of. “Y/N, marry me.” Spencer's hands stop your movement entirely, giving you no stimulation as he holds your hips flush to his. 
“I-Spence, you’re mean-”
“Marry me, Y/N.” He cuts you off, not listening to the way you’re about to call him all sorts of names. “I love you so, so much. So perfect to me, Y/N. I want to be with you, forever. Please, marry me. I promise I’ll ask you in a cheesy, over the top way later, and we can say that was the official proposal. I never want to come home to anyone else but you.” 
“Spencer,” You can’t help the whine that struggles to escape your lips, squeezing around him even tighter. His grip doesn’t let up, holding you completely still. “This is a bit crazy to ask when I was about to cum all over your cock.” You giggle, hands coming to hold his face as your mind begins to clear just the slightest bit. “You know that, right?”
“I-I know. I was just thinking-” He starts, releasing his grip on you once he realizes your plight, allowing you to grind against him for some sort of stimulation. 
“You do that, a lot.” You giggle softly, biting back the moans as you move on top of him. 
“You do so much for me. It’s like, like when I’m with you, my brain quiets down. I don’t have to worry, don’t have to think a hundred miles a minute. I can just be me, when I’m with you.” Spencer rambles on, brows creasing as you speed up your movement, desperate to get there once again. “I can let you take care of me, love being around you.” 
“Spence, we’re gonna look back at this and laugh.” You giggle as you grind against his cock. Spencer goes back to rubbing tight circles against your clit, moaning when you tighten around him again, beginning to move up and down. 
“So, I’ll take that as a no th-”
“Of course, Spencer. Of course I’ll marry you, my pretty boy.” You grin hard, watching as his face completely lights up, matching your giant smile. A giant squeal escapes when he quickly flips the two of you over, your back hitting the bed before you can protest. “Spencer! I thought you were tired.” You laugh, immediately being shut up when his hips begin to move. 
“I was.” Spencer smiles, hips driving forward into you. You’re already so close, so worked up, that the change in position almost sends you over. “Now I have a fiance, it’s a bit exciting, you see.” Spencer laughs at your circumstance, all of the wit wiped clean as you mewl and moan underneath him. He does his best to sooth the shake in your thighs, hands rubbing the soft skin underneath them, hips never slowing. Like you, he knows what you like, exactly what you like, his memory doesn’t allow him to forget it. 
“You- oh fuck,” You whimper as he rubs ghost like circles into your clit, not needing much more stimulation and he knows that. 
“Come for me, please. Wanna feel you, want to hear it, need it Y/N.” He groans, leaning forward to kiss you, sloppy and messy. You’re trapped underneath him, the weight somehow overwhelming and exactly what you need. At the change of angle, his cock hits exactly where you need him, hips grinding against your clit with each movement. 
“Oh fuck, fuck, Spencer, coming.” You whimper, hands reaching for his back, scratching and pulling him closer. You’re almost impossible to push into as you cum, so sensitive and aroused that you clench so tightly around him. He whimpers into your skin, finally coming unraveled as it all catches up to him as well. 
“Good girl, so good.” Spencer groans into your skin. “Gonna cum for you, okay?” You nod eagerly, legs wrapping around his waist as you pull him close. 
“Cum inside, Spence, my sweet fiance.” You whine, thighs shaking from overstimulation. The name makes him fold, the way it slips so easily from your lips making him melt instantly. 
“Cumming, cumming.” He whines, sloppy thrusts slowing down as he does. You can’t help but whine with him, clit so sensitive that it’s almost driving you crazy. 
“Spencer,” You whine loudly, legs tightening to stop his movement completely. You’re too sensitive, it’s too much for you. “I love you.” You mumble, pulling him in for a kiss. 
“Love you, so much, the most.” Spencer mumbles, words soft and sincere as he speaks. Your legs slowly unwrap, sore and tired as you finally rest them. He’s moving slow as well, trudging into the bathroom for a damp towel to clean the two of you up. He’s almost sluggish by the time he’s done, tossing the towel into the bathroom without even really looking. You almost expect it as he collapses next to you, completely spent with his legs hanging off the bed. 
You giggle softly, rolling your eyes at the dramatics as he finally fully crawls into bed. You crawl next to him, propped up onto your elbow as you look down. “So, we're gonna tell our friends you asked me to marry you while balls deep?” You laugh almost directly into his face, hand coming to push hair behind his ear. 
“No.” It’s stern and final, no arguments accepted. At this, you laugh loudly. 
“C’monn, it would be funny, Morgan would love it.”
“That’s exactly why I’m scared. Listen, let’s sleep, before I rethink this decision.” He jokes dryly, a smile on his face when you finally give it up. You pull him close, cuddling into his side. 
“You’d never.”
“You’re right.” He hums, eyes falling shut. “I love you too much.”
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lovingmattysposts · 4 months
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You don't know me
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pairing: y/n and chris sturniolo
summary: you and chris came from two different sides of the spectrum when it came to the social scale. You had the perfect life, the perfect boyfriend, the perfect parents, but when you start to peal back that layers things got messy. Your life was set and stone, your future was set and stone. That was until he comes and changes everything.
warnings: drinking, partying, smoking, mentions of a toxic relationship. mentions of drunk driving, mentions of alcohol poisoning, smoking
hello!!! and welcome to the first part of my new chris series. I think you guys are going to LOVE this one. I cannot wait to hear your guys thoughts on this, love you as always. also CHRIS HAS A LIP RING IN THE SERIES. you're welcome.
xoxo, autumn
This party sucked. Everyone smelled like beer. It was too loud. Everyone around me was wasted and I just wanted to go home. Every single person I've come in contact with tonight has managed to piss me off in one way or another. Including my boyfriend, Max. Every time he drinks it's like he thinks he can finally say or do anything he wanted to and it did nothing but anger me, but I never said anything. He drinks, that's okay. I guess. I don't. That's okay too, I think.
So mostly being the only sober one at every party he drags me too, isn't necessarily my idea of a good time. Yet I suck it up almost every weekend because I didn't want to upset Max. He does a lot for me I can do things for him. Even if it means that I have to sit in the corner of the room watching my friends get wasted. I mostly find myself watching the clock, hoping one of them decides to call it a night early, or at least get sick so we have an excuse to leave.
This particular night Max was really, really pushing my buttons. First it was about my outfit. He hated it, basically forced me to change. He told me, 'You're an Labraut, you're suppose to look classy Y/n', I remember him glaring at me in my room. Next it was about who was driving. He always insisted to drive every time we went out, promising me that he would let me drive his car home, spoiler alert, he never did. He always wanted to drive home. Insisting that he was fine to drive. Clutching the seatbelt and the door handle as he whipped his brand new BMW across the neighborhoods, begging, praying we got home safe.
We fought in my driveway, over which who was going to drive. Him or me. I told him he could even drive there, just please let me drive home. Somehow within the argument I gave in, letting him drive. He kissed my head and told me not to worry that he would let me drive home this time. I reluctantly smiled as we picked up each of our friends and drove them to the party.
Max used to push me on drinking, not anymore. He gave up early in our relationship. Along with most of the affection, unless he was drunk, then he was all over me. Especially when we went back to my house because my parents would let him stay the night. My parents loved Max. Sometimes I even questioned if they loved him more than they loved me. They told me all the time as I was growing up that they wished I was a boy. That I was suppose to be a boy. They stopped saying that when I turned 14 though. I guess they realized wishing that I was a boy everyday wouldn't magically make me wake up with a dick.
God they were assholes sometimes. They let me basically do anything I wanted, which I gets lonely after a while but you get used to it. I definitely was. Like I said, they were assholes. I think they started to semi-like me when I started dating Max. Which Max ate up. I was getting kind of tired of the way he was treating me. We fought almost the entire way to the party before I agreed to go to his hockey game next weekend that was three hours away, might I add. He couldn't understand why I wouldn't want to drive that far on a Saturday. He didn't understand that sitting home and reading sounded like a better plan to me.
The longer we argued, the more I wanted it to end. So I would ultimately give in after a while. I think Max started to catch on too, because he would never give in until I did. I've learned throughout my life that speaking up for yourself does nothing but cause trouble for yourself. Or at least that's what my mom always taught me. I'm starting to think that's true since I spent the entire rest of the car ride starting out the window, fighting tears.
Max kissed me before we walked into the party. Just a peck, as If to say, "I'm sorry for being such a dick". I smiled at him and we continued into the party.
That brings me here, absolutely annoyed and tired. Sydney walked over in my direction with her usual soft-pitying smile. She was my best friend, really sometimes the only person I could stand in my life. I smiled softly towards her direction.
"Hey babe" She said looking at me. I nodded at her. She sighed.
"If you want to go, I'm sure I could convince ash to let me take him home" She said looking down at me. I shook my head. I didn't want anyone else dealing with drunk Max. That wasn't a task I would put on my worst enemy really.        
"It's okay I don't mind. I'm sure he'll want to leave soon" I said softly. She sighed and looked down at her drink.
"Let's try and find him, I'll ask" She said motioning me over to the main living room. I followed her through the crowd.
"It's really fine Sydney, It will just make Max mad if he knows I want to leave" I whispered to her as we approached Max and Cayden, Sydney's boyfriend. Max smiled down at me. His eyes lit up.
"Look! My beautiful girlfriend!" Max said wrapping his arms around the side of my waist and kissing my cheek. "You're so beautiful. Isn't she so beautiful?" Max asked looking over at Cayden who was talking to Sydney. I cringed as he squeezed me tightly against him. Yep, five minutes in and he's wasted. He looked over at Max and raised his eyebrows. His eyes trailed to me. He smiled at Max and shook him off before directing his attention back to his girlfriend.
I attempted to wiggle out of his grip but he squeezed me tighter against him. His lips found the side of my face as he kissed me. He started to nibble on my ear when I pushed his face away. We were in a room full of people. "Max come on" I groaned cringing away from him. "But you look so pretty, in that dress" He whispered. My face was turned away from him.
I was still pissed about our argument in the car. He was being a dick and I wasn't about to forget about that because he decided he's over it. Max kept his hands placed around my waist as he turned me to face him and pulled me against him. He smiled and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.
"I hate when we fight" He pouted. I sighed and resisted myself from rolling my eyes. "Then don't cause fights" I said looking at him. His face fell flat. I could tell he wanted to push the subject, attempting to tell me that the fight was in fact not his fault, but mine, but I knew he wouldn't because I knew where this PDA was about to lead too. I looked up at him, smiling slightly. He just looked down at me, before lifting his hand off my waist and to my jaw propping it up before connecting his lips to mine.
I kissed him back briefly before parting as he attempted to push his tongue into my mouth. His eyebrows furrowed as I parted. I looked around. "We're in a room full of people" I mumbled looking around us. No one was really watching us but I still didn't like the idea. "Babe, no one is watching" He said moving his thumb across my jaw. I turned my head before locking eyes with someone across the room.
His hair was brown. His eyes were blue. He was wearing a t-shirt and somewhat bagging cargo pants. Completely and utter underdressed compared to everyone else in the party. I squinted my eyes at him. I recognized him. His name was Chris. He was standing next to a kid on Max's hockey team that I knew to be Nate. Neither ran with our crowd. I don't really know what they were doing here. He took the drink in his hand before taking a sip. What was he doing? Just standing there watching me, and he wasn't breaking the eye contact. I suddenly felt Max's hands that we on me a lot more than before and I felt my face go red.
Max grabbed my face and positioned it back to him. He bent down and kissed below my ear before whispering something to me. "Can we go somewhere more private?" He said into my ear. There it is. I sighed before grabbing his arms and pushing them off me and stepping back from him. "Max, you're drunk. You know I'm not doing anything when you're drunk" I said crossing my arms over my chest. Max groaned and looked up.
"Babe, I've had two drinks. Two! Cayden-Tell her how many have I had?" Max said holding his hand out to Cayden, who looked pretty invested in whatever Sydney was whispering into his ear right now. Cayden looked up to Max and leaned up wiping the smile off his face. "Huh what? Oh! Right, no it's it's third at most" Cayden shook him off. Max's faced turned angry. "Second" He mumbled through gritted teeth. "Yeah, Whatever man" Cayden waved him off before grabbing Sydney's arm and walking towards the stairs. I watched them as they walked off.
Max turned towards me. "Second, third, forth, I don't care. Not while you're drinking" I said looking at him. He groaned and shook his head. "Oh my God, y/n-" He said shaking his head.
"Max!" Someone yelled from the kitchen. He sighed and then looked over in the direction of the the noise. He looked back down at me. "Don't move okay? I'll be back and you better still be here" He said pointing his finger at me as if I were a child. I huffed before he walked off towards the kitchen. I watched as he greeted other people that had just got there.
I looked up towards the ceiling, trying to calm my anger towards him down. I looked over to the same spot that the boy was staring at me from, but he was gone. I glanced around the room. I didn't see him anywhere. I pursed my lips as I stood in the room alone. I suddenly wondered why I was doing what I was told. Staying put. Fuck that. I walked across the room searching for anyone I knew. I found no one. I looked up at the ceiling.
Why did I do this to myself? I was miserable every time I came. Yet I always allowed Max to guilt trip me into going. I looked toward the back door that led to the backyard. I sighed and walked outside. Maybe some fresh air would do me some good. I stepped out of the door before closing it shut. I sighed breathing in the fresh air. It felt good. Not stuffy like inside. The noise of the party was now muffled.
I crossed my arms over my chest feeling the cold air come over me. It felt nice. I needed some space from Max before I absolutely blew up on him. Today was not the day to push my buttons, I wish the could just take the hint sometimes.
I walked over to the edge of the porch that was attached to the nice house. It was a pretty night. It wasn't cloudy so you could see all of the stars in the night. It was my favorite kind of night. Looking up at the stars made my problems feel so minuscule, and I loved it. Taking the attention off my own life for a second and looking at something bigger than myself. I let out a shaky breath as I looked up.
"Hey"
I jumped turning around, meeting the same blue eyes from earlier. I let out a breath clutching my chest. He scared the shit out of me. He smiled down at me. I noticed a lip ring that hung on the side of his mouth. I wondered if that hurt. Why would you pierce your mouth?
"What the hell are you doing sneaking up on people like that?" I breathed looking up at him, my hand still on my chest. He just looked down at me before bringing the cigarette that was in his hands up to his mouth. I waved the smoke out of my face as he blew it out. He just looked down at me.
"Those's kill you. You know?" I said motioning to the cigarette. He looked down at the cigarette and then at me, before turning and putting it up to his mouth again. I watched him as his lips wrapped around it and when he inhaled the end of it lit up and the the smoke he exhaled through his lips. I swallowed. He blew out the rest of the smoke before responding. His eyes glanced down to meet mine.
"A lot of things kill you. Might as well choose the one's that feel good" He said glancing down at me. I wanted to laugh at his statement. "That's stupid" I said shaking my head and looking down. He raised his eyebrows before throwing the cigarette down at our feet. I moved over away from it. He chuckled. I looked up at him.
"Don't worry princess, it's won't get on your designer shoes" He said shaking his head. My eyebrows furrowed. My shoes were expensive, but I didn't overly care about them. It was the way I was brought up. I was taught to care. So I do. What's wrong with that? I swallowed and looked forward not likely the energy between us.
"So where's your boyfriend?" He asked after a few seconds of silence between us. I felt a blush creep up my neck remembering that he witnessed that. I didn't want to be that girl who hooks up with her boyfriend in front of a bunch of people. I licked my lips and looked at my hands.
"I don't know. Inside?" I guessed. I didn't want to talk to him about Max. I didn't really want to talk to him at all period. I just wanted some fresh air. Some peace and quiet. I looked up at him, he was staring forward. Didn't look like he was going anywhere anytime soon. He lifted his eyebrows and put his hands in his pockets. I crossed my hands over my chest.
"Why were you watching me in there?" I suddenly asked. He chuckled. I hate when people did that. Laughed at things I said that weren't meant to be funny. It made me feel little. Max did it constantly. He sighed and looked down at me. "I just thought it was interesting" He mumbled. I scoffed. What was so interesting about me and Max?
"You thought what was interesting?" I asked meeting his gaze. He looked down at me, with a small smile on his lips. He shrugged. "That you weren't giving him what he wanted" He said looking back forwards. My eyebrows furrowed. How did he pick that up from the few seconds he looked at me? I suddenly felt very vulnerable in front of a boy I'd never talked to before. I felt like he knew me. Like he could read me.
"Feel like that doesn't happen a lot with your kind" He said. I turned towards him, starting to get angry of his demeanor. "My kind?" I asked. His face turned towards me and smiled as he realized that I didn't like that. It was like this was entertaining for him. To see me squirm.
"I'll have you know that Max and I's business is none of yours. And for you to sit here and attempt to belittle me, for what? Because you know I have money? I was just coming out for some air and some peace and quiet and you approached me. You didn't understand anything that you think you saw okay? Stop attempting to figure it out" I spat at him. 
His face didn't change as I yelled. He just licked his lips and looked at me. His gaze held power. I felt it in my body the way he looked at me. So calm, yet overpowering. I just yelled at him and a smile still was on his face, vaguely.
"You done?" He asked raising his eyebrows. My eyebrows furrowed. I took a deep breath unfolding my arms. "Yeah" I breathed. I give in easily. I don't know why. It's just the way I'm wired. I think it comes from my parents. Or maybe from Max. I don't know. I just don't like fighting.
He nodded before reaching in his pocket and pulling out another cigarette and then grabbing a lighter and lighting the end. I just watched him as he did this as if we weren't in the middle of an argument. He breathed It in and blew out more smoke.
"How many of those do you smoke a day?" I asked furrowing my eyebrows at him. He finished his other one nearly 3 minutes ago. How could he already want another one? He dropped the hand the held his cigarette and he looked down at me. I swallowed.
"Why? Are you worried about my heath?" He smiled. I bit back a smile and looked down. I shrugged. "Maybe" I breathed. We both laughed and looked away.  Silence fell between us.
"It was just nice seeing him not get what he wanted. Your boyfriend's kind of a dick" He said after a few seconds. I rolled my eyes. "So you are" I said back. He shrugged blowing out smoke. "True" He smiled. I smiled and shook my head. I should definitely not be smiling this much with another guy. I suddenly felt like I was doing something wrong. I felt like I should walk away, go back and find Max, but my feet weren't moving and my mouth wouldn't stop talking.
"Where's your friend?" I asked looking up at him. His eyebrows furrowed and then clarity hit his face. "You mean Nate?" He asked looking around. I nodded. He shrugged. "Lost him a few minutes ago when I went to smoke. He doesn't smoke" He said looking down at me. I smiled and nodded.
"Ah, sounds like Nate is the smarter one of you two" I said looking up at him. He raising one of his eyebrows and looked at me as he inhaled another round of smoke. "Is that what you think princess?" He asked quietly. Jesus Christ. I swallowed and looked away from him. Why can I hear his voice throughout my entire body? I hated it.
"Stop calling me that" I quickly said looking away from him. He didn't stop looking at me and I felt his gaze burn into the side of my head. I let out a shaky breath. He finally looked away humming. I suddenly hear the back door open.
"There you are! Geez, stop running away!"
We both turned around at the noise. I saw Sydney walking towards us and she grabbed my arm starting to pull me away from Chris. Her eyes shifted to Chris and looked him up and down before looking at me and giving me a confused look. I just stared at her with a blank expression feeling in my soul as if I had been caught doing something bad.
She didn't say anything as she continued to drag me away back towards the party. I turned and looked at Chris, who had an unreadable expression on his face as he watched me be physically dragged away. She pulled up back into the house and closed the door. She turned and faced me withe a furrowed expression.
"What were you doing?" She asked looking at me. My face turned red. "I just wanted some air" I said looking at her. She just looked at me for a second as if investigating my expression. She shrugged and then walked towards the steps. I quickly followed behind her. She started to walk up the steps and turned to face me.
"The boys are upstairs, I think they might want to leave soon" She said as we walked. I sighed of relief. Thank God. I felt like I've been here for ages. I nodded as we walked and finally made it up the steps. The room was very crowded, almost more crowded that downstairs. This house was absolutely huge, so there had be like 200 people here to make it feel this small.
I hated crowded places, even though I'm forced to go to huge events like this more often that the average person. I hated it, but it's what I had to do. With a last name like mine, you don't get by with skipping an event here or there. You have to attend every. single. one.
Sydney started to look around people looking for our boyfriends when I glanced around the room seeing two people getting to it on the other side of the room. I made a disgusted face and was going to by pass them when something caught my eye. I looked back at the two people.
Max was wearing that shirt.
I narrowed my eyes. The guy's back was to me but he had a girl pinned up against the wall, sucking on her face. Curly brown hair. The blue shirt. My fucking boyfriend. I gasped catching Sydney's attention. She turned towards me and looked where I was looking.
"Did you find them?" She asked scanning where I was looking when she suddenly made the same gasp as me. Anger rose in my system. Are you kidding me? I clenched the fists that were at my side and I felt anger rise up my neck. "Is that-" Sydney started to asked. She turned to look at me but my face was glued on the people. "Y/n-" She started to say but I turned and immediately bolted down the steps.
I don't think I've ever been so angry in my entire life. My face was pounding. I could hear it in my ears. I couldn't think. No thoughts were going through my head, but anger. The room got louder. It got blurrier. My fists were still clenched as I wanted to scream. I wanted to kill him. I made it down the steps. Sydney was quick to follow me.
"Y/n! Stop! Wait a second!" She yelled trying to follow me. How could he? I couldn't even think to be sad because of the amount of anger that was fogging my vision and my decision making. I didn't wait for her as I moved through the crowd of people. Did it suddenly get hot in here? I'm burning up. My jaw was clenched. I needed revenge. That was the only thing that my mind could think of. I didn't need planned revenge. I needed immediate fucking revenge.
I made it to the kitchen and placed my hands on the counter. Sydney followed me in. "Are you okay? What are you thinking? What do we do?" She asked a million questions at me. She was panicked I could tell. I just breathed heavily as I looked down at my feet. I looked back up and scanned the room, meeting the faces of others. Revenge. Revenge. Revenge.
"Y/n talk to me. What are you thinking?" She asked looking down at me. I turned to scan the room. My eyes met that backdoor. That boy. I picked my hands up off the counter, pushing myself up off of it. I hate him. I hate him. I could kill him. I set off towards the backdoor. Sydney quickly followed me. I opened the door violently and walked out.
Nate was now outside with Chris. Both of their eyes shot towards me as I walked outside. Chris raised his eyes at me. His gaze overtook me again as I walked towards him. "Party is inside Princess" He said looking at me, brushing me off. That comment would piss me off if I wasn't already clouded with anger towards someone else. Nate didn't say anything he just watched me as I walked up to Chris.
Chris looked down at me. Sydney stopped from a distance. I looked at his cigarette in his hand. I reached up, taking it out of his hands before bringing it up to my mouth. Chris just watched me.
Please lungs don't fail me, I swear I'll never do this again.
I inhaled slowly and softly letting the smoke run down my throat. I took the cigarette out of my mouth before blowing the smoke out of my mouth. By the grace of God, without coughing. He raised his eyebrows at me. I threw the cigarette down at my feet before stepping on it with my shoes. Not thinking in the moment of the repercussions of my $600 shoes.
I looked back up at him. He opened his mouth to say something but I reached up grabbing his front of his shirt with my hand and pulling him down to me. I connected our lips. I heard Sydney gasp. It took him a second to figure out what the hell was going on, as well as me. My lips froze for a second as well as his, but after half a second his lips overtook mine, kissing me back. My lips started moving again once they felt how good his lips felt.
I dropped my hand from his shirt and placed my hands on his face as we kissed. This was weird kissing someone other than Max. It felt different, it felt good. I felt his lip ring against my lips. The cold dark metal. It felt so good. That's why he has a lip ring.
I tugged on it softly with my teeth, making him breathe in slightly. I felt him swipe his tongue on my bottom lip and then into my mouth. I let him in as we kissed deeper. He tasted like cigarettes, alcohol, and bad decisions. It was an amazing combination. If two people weren't watching us make out right now, I would have allowed myself to moan, but I had already been publicly embarrassed enough for one night.
I felt his arm snake around my back pulling me against him. God this was good. This was so good. I smiled against him as we kissed. One of my hands went up into his hair.
"Y/n!" Kylie whispered sternly. I disconnected our lips, but we didn't move apart from each other. We both just stayed breathing heavily. Staring at each other, connected. He removed his arm from my back and I moved my hands from his hair, separating us. I looked over at Sydney who looked horrified at me.
"Alright then" Nate said looking at me.
I looked back, feeling myself start to turn red. "What was your name again?" I asked feeling myself go blank. My head was still spinning. He chuckled and looked at me smiling. "Chris" He breathed. I nodded before turning around and walking up Sydney. She stood frozen looking at me. I walked past her, grabbing her arm on my way, dragging her back inside. She stumbled behind me as we went inside.
"What-What was that?" She laughed looking at me. I let out a deep breath. I was no longer angry. Every angry though and emotion that was running through my veins left when my lips touched him. Like a breath of fresh air. I smiled at her. "Revenge" I smiled. She shook her head laughing.
My moment of clarity of happiness and calmness was shaken when I saw Max making his way over to me from across the room. Anger started to rise inside of my stomach again. I should just punch him. Not give him an excuse to explain himself. I felt myself get angrier the closer he got to me. His eyes met mine and he smiled. Smiled. How could he stand there and smile knowing what he just did? I'm going to kill him.
He finally made his way in front of me. "Hey, babe I was looking for you" He breathed, his dimples showing promptly through his smile. I clenched my fists and opened my mouth to scream at him. To humiliate him. To destroy him right here in front of everyone for what he just did to me, but I stopped. My eyes glanced down to his shirt.
A white shirt.
My face went pale. I looked up at him, unclenching my fist and guilt washing over my whole body my legs almost went numb. "Your-your shirt" I pointed at his shirt. His eyebrows furrowed and he looked down at his shirt. "What about it?" He laughed lightly at me. I looked over at Sydney who's expression was the same as mine. Horrified. I swallowed looking up at him.
"Wasn't it b-blue? You were w-wearing a blue shirt." I said looking at the shirt again, panicking. He looked down at his shirt and then back up at me. "Babe are you okay? Did you drink anything?" He chuckled placing his hand on my shoulder. Oh my God. Oh my God. I looked down and felt my heart beating out of my chest.
I just cheated on him.
I shook my head quickly and didn't look at him.
Suddenly one of Max's friends came stumbling up to us. His name was Mitch. He grabbed Max's shoulders attempting to stabilize himself. Max looked over at him laughing. "Dude where'd you put the other beers?" He slurred at him. I looked at him. Blue shirt. Curly brown hair. Fuck. I felt my heart drop. It was Mitch kissing that girl, not Max.
"The fridge dumbass" He laughed pushing him off towards the kitchen. Mitch smiled at him before looking over to me, waving. "Ms. Y/n" He nodded at me. Max pushed his chest. "Go. Stop gawking at my girlfriend" He said smiling shaking his head. Mitch laughed before turning and stumbling into the kitchen. I ran my hand through my hair, attempting to calm my heart rate that was quickening, fast.
"I'm ready to go if you are, I'll go grab your purse" He said bending down and kissing the top of my head. I didn't say anything as he moved past me and out of our view. I snapped my head towards Sydney. She walked forwards grabbing my arms and with wide eyes.
"S-Sydney I could have sworn-" I started shaking my head. She cut me off. "Shh. Shut up. Don't say anything. It didn't happen. Nothing happened, okay y/n? We went outside for air. That's it. It will be okay. You can't act like anything is wrong." She said shaking her head. I swallowed. My heart was pounding in my ears, I could barely even hear her. I felt tears brim to my eyes.
"Sydney, I just ch-" I started but she covered my mouth with her hand. She shook her head. "We will both forget this ever happened okay? Listen to me. Act like nothing is wrong. Like nothing is different" She said looking at me. I nodded as she removed her hand from my mouth. Max walked back over to us. I tried to compose myself. Push down my emotions to my stomach as he handed me my purse.
"Thank you" I smiled at him. He nodded and pulled me to him wrapping his arms around me. "Syd, Where's Cayden? Tell him were leaving" Max said motioning her towards the main room. She nodded and quickly walked away.
Max looked down at me. I smiled at him. Nothing is wrong. Nothing is eating me alive. I love you. We're dating. No one cheated. Everything is fine.
"I'm really drunk" He chuckled pressing his forehead against mine. I smiled at him, leaning up and connecting our lips. The lips that were just on another person's mouth. He pulled back and furrowed his eyebrows, moving his lips around. My face fell, my heart was beating out of my chest.
"Were you smoking?" He asked looking down at me. I swallowed and shook my head. "You taste like smoke" He said looking down at me, but not letting go of me. I shook my head. "You're just drunk Max" I said smiling through my pain. He shrugged before leaning down and connecting our lips again. I pulled away this time.
"You know that I love you right?" I whispered looking at him. His eyebrows furrowed and he nodded. I hope he doesn't think it's weird that I'm randomly telling him this. He sighed and pulled away. "You know just because we fight, it doesn't make me think that you don't love me" he said pulling me into him and wrapping me in a hug. The fight. Yes the fight. I'm saying this because of the fight.
"I love you too" He breathed. I sighed of relief. "I'm here!" Cayden announced himself as Sydney dragged him into the room. Max and I both laughed. Sydney looked more than annoyed. "I leave him alone for 5 minutes. How many shots does he take? Eight" She said shaking her head. I smiled and shook my head at the couple in front of us. Cayden leaned his head on Sydney's shoulder.
"I don't feel so good" Cayden said squeezing his eyes shut. Sydney's eyes snapped towards him and pushed him away slightly. "Do not puke on me I will literally break up with you" She said glaring at him, and we all knew she was serious. Cayden lunged forward, holding his stomach. Max and I stepped back. Sydney gasped and pushed him towards the backdoor. He tumbled over towards the door.
"Out! Out!" She yelled pushing him out of the door. Max followed quickly behind them and I was behind Max as we followed them out. I immediately regretted walking outside, completely forgetting Chris and Nate were still out there until I saw them.
Cayden ran towards the grass before emptying him stomach on the grass near Nate and Chris. My face went red as I looked at Chris. He looked towards Max and then at me. I immediately looked down, not making anymore eye contact. Guilt. Guilt. Guilt. Forming in a pit in my stomach.
"What the fuck?" Nate said turning his head and backing away from Cayden. Chris didn't move. His eyes glanced from me to Max. I swallowed. Please. Please. Please. Don't say anything. I secretly wished in my mind over and over.
Sydney walked over to Cayden rubbing his back. "You know I hate when you do this shit" She groaned at him, but I wasn't focused on the fact that Cayden might have alcohol poisoning. I was focused on Chris's eyes burning into mine. I stayed behind Max, hiding like a pathetic little girl who just got in trouble. Hiding from their parents.
Max noticed Chris staring at us, because I felt his body turn towards him. Please. Please. Please.
"What are you staring at freak?" Max spat. I'd like to think that Max wouldn't have been that harsh if he wasn't under the influence, but Chris was right. He was kind of a dick. It bothered me at first, it still bothers me now, but I stopped commenting on it knowing it only made him more angry and hostile. He says that he has to separate his status from others. That he has to show them their place. He didn't say that to me until after we started dating.
After we started to be known as Max and Y/n, Hastings and Labraut. Status and Status. After my parents fell in love with him and after I'd already been on his private jet with his entire family three times. If he had said it prior I would have never gone out with him. I was already in too deep. Our parents had already started picking out wedding venues. I couldn't say anything. I always bit my tongue for the sake of what seems to be the rest of my godforsaken life.
I squeezed my eyes shut, preparing for the worst outcome of this situation. I glanced up, Chris was looking at me. I didn't have the courage to shake my head, to beg him silently not to say anything, to mouth anything, to even look at him for more than three seconds. Chris looked towards Max, emotionless before turning towards Nate and motioning him towards the gate of the house.
Nate looked at me and shook his head before following Chris away. Sydney and Cayden weren't focused on the silent battle that almost ruined my relationship. Cayden was now down on his knees. "I feel like I'm dying" Cayden groaned. Sydney sat next to him. "We have to get him into the car" She said turning towards us.
I, still frozen, didn't move, didn't react. Max stepped forward and walked over to Cayden picking him up off the ground. Sydney took him from Max, wrapping Cayden's arm around her shoulders, carrying him. Max stepped back and looked at me.
He reached in his pocket before throwing me his keys. His keys. I caught them mid air and looked down at them before looking back up at him smiling. He smiled back at me. The one time he decides to be nice? Really? Tonight? Didn't even fight me on driving, and I just cheated on him. I swallowed looking down at the keys.
"You're gonna let me drive?" I mumbled looking at him. He smiled and walked over to me. "I promised you didn't I?" He said kissing the top of my head. Guilt. Guilt. Guilt. I nodded before looking at him. Max smiled before pulling me into him. Sydney stumbled over to us, while Cayden held on to her for dear life. "Walk please!" Sydney said from behind us. We both looked at her and then walked back through the door of the house.
We maneuvered through the crowed house before walking out of the front door towards the line of cars that filled the street. I saw Max's BMW parked a little ways down the street. I couldn't help myself from looking down both ends of the street looking for any sign of Chris. I looked both ways, but nothing. He was nowhere to be seen. He disappeared. I sighed of relief. I didn't realized I had stopped walking before I heard Max calling my name. I snapped my gaze towards him. Feeling as if I had gotten caught.
"What?" I asked quickly. He smiled before shaking his head. "Babe, unlock the car" He said motioning towards the car and Cayden who was now doubled over against the car, groaning. Sydeny sighed as she rubbed his back. I quickly walked over to them before unlocking the car.
"Dude, you puke in my car and I'm taking yours" Max said looking at Cayden before opening the passenger seat sliding in. Sydney opened the back door before shoving Cayden in, then following him. I swallowed and took a deep breath and sliding into the drivers seat.
heyoooo hope you absoluely loved the first part, tell me what you thought
tag list:
@rac00ns-are-c00l4 @miastromboli @secret-sturniolo @sturnsclutter @sturniolodreamz @paper-crab @chrisolivia4l @mwah0mwah @recklesssturniolo @ejswift @kitaysworld @meg-sturniolo @nickmillersn1gf @fr3shl0ve @adrianaturnedpretty @oversturn @ghostgurlswrld @flowerxbunnie @ilytrinsworld @lustfulslxt @kiarastromboli @gemofthenight @blahbel668 @haunted-headset @sturnybabes @bethsturn @d3adlyclassrat @sturnybabes @mattsbitch @chrisluvbot @nickenthusiast @sturniolossmut @biimpanicking @iloveneilperry @chalametbich @dsmja @bernardsleftbootycheek @lovingsturniolo @aoxash @idrkk-123 @gingerbreadgodofhyperdeath @babagurlrichey
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sh1-n0bu · 4 months
Note
can i request something?? can you do modern relationship with scara??
✿ 𝒊𝒕’𝒔 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝑰 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖! ✿
characters: modern!scaramouche x nb!reader
warnings: modern au!!!, fluff, crack, my poor attempt at humor, scara has a bad relationship with his moms, written with high school au in mind, scara being bad at feelings, headcannon format, raiden shogun goes as raiden shino since shogun is a title rather than a name and all…
notes: when that one song u used to religiously listen to when u were younger and cringier suddenly comes rushing back in for a fic idea
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oh dear gods, where do we even begin with this one?
tsundere to the max and we all know, his moms knows it, you know it, the entire school knows it, even the online friends he plays games with knows it
which explains on how you knew that scaramouche had a crush on you the moment he started showing small signs of it. waaaaayyyy before he even understood his own emotions and feelings and came to terms with it
safe to say, he is super easy to read. like, a motherfuckin open book that’s full of illustrations made for kids. at least, that’s how it feels to you anyways
has a bad relationship with both of his mothers and his older sister but at least he tolerates his older sister better than his mothers, which is a good thing. at least he has someone to turn to when something goes wrong
him, his mom ei and his older sister are carbon copies of each other alongside his aunt. the first time you went over to scara’s place to prepare for an upcoming exam, you almost got whiplash from just how many similar purple people were there
like… low-key concerning with how you easily mistook his mom ei with his aunt or his older sister with his mom ei
safe to say you made a fool out of yourself for the first few meetings with his family
his other mom, miko, is very… eccentric to say the least. teasing, sly, quick-witted, charming and charismatic. you and scara joke around that miko was a fox or a demon in her former life
his older sister, shino, is quite the sweetheart one the other hand. quiet, reserved, socially awkward and friendly if you go over how her normal face looks so emotionless and dead. reminds you of a soldier or a puppet with how shino is so willing to fulfill ei’s wishes or words to the T
his aunt, baal, is an absolute sweetheart. the ultimate sweetheart actually. such a sweet woman she is with her soft words, warm smiles and motherly affections. she offered you a hand-made cookie when you were about to leave simply because you were scara’s friend!
yes, you cried to the amount of kindness and scara made fun of you for it
you would never peg someone as mean, introverted and arrogant as scaramouche to be friends with the popular, soccer kid from school did ya’? well you are wrong because scara and childe are best friends!!! as childe claims
the ginger-head made a bet with scaramouche saying that you two’s friendship won’t last. cue scaramouche and his over competitive ass coming over and latching himself to you to make sure that your friendship would last
AKA childe’s plan to make scaramouche realize his feelings and come to terms with it has officially started!
likes to occasionally play video games such as wuthering waves, minecraft, resident evil, silent hill etc etc. hates first person shooter games cuz it’s so not his style and he hates the annoying boys that he comes across during the game
will never say it nor mention it but sometimes he plays those ‘using not a single part of your brain’ type of games like playing as dentists or doctors. hell, he even likes to play dress up games from time to time. he just loves the aesthetics and the different designs of the clothes, itches that inner aesthetic lover part of him. but he will NEVER mention it or be caught playing it. scaramouche would rather die
something tells me that his music taste would be more leaning into electronic or scene music. odetari, 6arelyhuman, kets4eki — you name it. sometimes, enjoys those gentle and soothing sounding anime openings too
he has sanrio plushies. more specifically, hello kitty ones
had an obsession with the cute white cat growing up and he never grew out of it
the moment he first found out that you like plushies or pink things or sanrio related things, he knew he gotta gift you anonymous sanrio gifts on your birthday or on special occasions. it was his early stages of courting you
was absolutely appalled when he was found out because whaddaYA MEAN HE LIKES SOFT AND THOSE STUPID PLUSHIES AND SANRIO RELATED THINGS?! NUH-UH, YOU MUST’VE SAW A DIFFERENT PURPLE HAIRED, BOWL HAIRCUT HAVING GUY CUZ SCARAMOUCHE WOULD NEVER LIKE THOSE STUPID THINGS!!!
he aint fooling anyone
takes his relationship slow since he has some big trust issues yet also attachment issues. pick a struggle tbh
had a panic attack after he officially, finally, after years of crushing on you, like literally acting like your boyfriend years later when he asked you out on a date because woohoo!! he asked you for a date \(^ヮ^)/\(^ヮ^)/ but also shit, what type of a first date would you like ლಠ益ಠ)ლლಠ益ಠ)ლ
yeah, he had to do something he hated the most. ask his moms and sister for advice
after a lot of talk, discussions, secretly stalking your social profiles or you in general to see what you would like, scaramouche decided to take you out for an arcade date
you two had fun, he was glad you had fun, played bunch of different games together and even managed to win a cute matching plushies and keychains!! kuromi for him and melody for you. he was so glad that you liked it but he won’t say it out loud
walked you home after your first date, to your front door and bid you good night and “hope you had fun tonight, idiot” chu!! on your cheek before making a mad dash back home
the type of boyfriend who would lovingly bully you
“why the fuck are you wearing that? it’s making your stupid face look cuter than normal”
“who in their right mind would choose the green one? yellow looks better on you. no, the soft pastel one, not the bright one you idiot”
“you wanna die? who said i was ever gonna stop loving you after you turn into a roach? i’m gonna keep you in a special glass case until you change back dumbass”
yeah… just say you love them already, scara
your contact name on his phone is literally my idiot٩(╬ʘ益ʘ╬)۶
would lovingly call you names as he leaves soft kisses on your face
“you’re a fucking idiot but it’s fine, you’re my idiot”
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goldenwilliamson · 4 months
Text
patience | leah williamson
pairing: leah williamson x reader
a/n: finally some smut on this blog, hoorah. some short fluffy smut bc leah looked way too good in that suit and i'm craving someone to strap me down rn, so here we go...
summary: SMUT 18+, reader is waiting at home while leah is at an award show, but she is watching on tv and sees how good leah looks and gets rather impatient. when leah gets home she makes it worth the wait. top!leah and strap ons.
word count: 1.8k
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You watched the TV in awe when you saw your girlfriend step into view of the camera for the first time. She'd showed off her suit to you on its hanger months ago, but seeing her wearing it was a different experience entirely. She had paired it with a tie, which was new, and it was working for you.
As soon as you caught a glimpse of her, your impatience kicked in. You sent her a text immediately telling her how good she looks and how as much as you love the suit, you can't wait to take it off her as soon as she arrives home.
It was interesting for you, being Leah's girlfriend. Even though you were a well-known footballer in your own right, Leah was England captain, and was invited to many events all over the UK for her service to the Lionesses.
While you and Leah don't keep your relationship a secret, you're certainly very private when it comes to sharing your lives together. The two of you will walk a carpet together at events which you're both invited to, but you would prefer to let Leah do her own thing at events which she has been invited to on her own. Opting out of being the plus one means that you are often left to watch on from the sidelines, which you do with no complaints.
The fans are very attentive when it comes to analysing photo dumps on yours and Leah's instagrams, looking at each post closely for signs that you two were still together. You'd been together for years now, but people were always speculating about your relationship status, especially since Leah had become so well-known after the Euros.
Tonight was one of those nights where Leah was doing her own thing, invited to attend the award night for the BBC Sports Personality of the Year. You watched on the whole night and cheered for Mary when she won, knowing she was so deserving of an award like this. By the time the night was drawing to an end, you were starting to get tired, but Leah called you from the car on her way home which energised you.
'You're still awake for me?' She asked, her voice coming through deep and rough as she murmured through the phone.
'I am now,' you say, but Leah can hear the exhaustion in your voice.
'Mm,' Leah hums, 'I'll be home soon, but if you're tired you can go to sleep baby.'
'No,' you say immediately, pushing yourself to sit upright in your bed, 'I need to see you.'
Leah chuckles, making you smile, 'Good, because since you messaged earlier I haven't stopped thinking about what I'm going to do to you when I see you.'
'God,' you groan, already feeling the wetness pooling between your legs, 'How long will you be?'
'Only about 15 minutes, be patient for me love,' she says.
'Okay, I'll see you soon,' you say before exchanging quick love you's and hanging up.
It's an agonising 15 minutes to have to wait for your girlfriend to arrive home. You decide to make do with the time and slip your baby blue coloured lingerie set on that you know Leah loves, then you crawl back into the sheets and sit on your phone as you wait.
You can hear Leah's keys in the front door and her purposeful steps as she moves through the house, quickly towards your bedroom. You move so that you're laying on your side on top of the sheets, propped up on your elbow.
When Leah steps into the doorway, meeting your eyes with a smile, you shake your head. You can't believe how sexy she looks, how assertive and dominant this suit makes her appear. Even though you both have a dominant side, you can already sense that tonight you will do whatever Leah asks you to.
She has you stepping out of bed and reaching for her the second she enters the room.
'Sorry to keep you waiting,' Leah says quickly before you pull her close by the knot of her tie and press your lips against hers. She responds right away, holding you close by the back of your head and letting her other hand fall firmly on your waist, pushing you back towards the bed.
When the back of your legs hit the mattress you sit down, spreading your legs wide so Leah can stand between them. Your fingers find the buttons of her blazer, unbuttoning it. Leah shrugs it off her shoulders and lets the fabric fall to the floor.
You take in the sight before you, just Leah in some trousers, a white button up, and a tie.
'God, you look so good Lee,' you tell her, kissing her fabric covered stomach.
'Do you like the tie?' She asks, and you immediately take it with both hands, running it through your fingers.
'I love it. It's good for this,' you tug on it lightly, bringing Leah's face down towards you. She takes the opportunity to plant kisses down the side of your neck, and across your shoulder.
While Leah is still standing, you reach for her waistband, unbuttoning her trousers so they also fall to the floor, allowing her to step out of them. She's left in her top and tie as you wriggle back on the mattress, giving Leah room to join you on the bed.
However, instead of following you, Leah makes a move toward your wardrobe on the other side of the room.
'Where you going?' You ask, already knowing the answer.
'Gonna get something,' Leah says simply, and you know that she is going to get one of your toys out of the dresser.
'What are you thinking?' You ask curiously, but Leah doesn't respond. You just lay back on the mattress as you listen to her rifling through the drawer to find what she's looking for.
When you hear her moving around some more, you look up and see she is pulling on her strap. She has also removed the shirt and tie so she is just standing there wearing nothing but her bra and the strap. The air feels thick and your heart beats loudly in your ears. You can't think of much else at this stage besides how much you want to have Leah inside of you.
'Is this what you want darling?' She asks, sliding her hand up and down the length of the dildo as she steps closer to the bed.
You nod like an idiot, 'Yes.'
While a devilish smirk, she crawls up the mattress until she's hovering over you, leaning down to kiss you again. You hold onto her lower back, pulling her lower body close to you as you roll your hips upwards, begging for contact.
Leah leans close to your ear, biting down lightly on your earlobe before whispering, 'You want me to fuck you then?'
'God, please, yes,' you say, grabbing at the dildo and trying to steer it in the right direction.
'Take these off first,' Leah pulls back, releasing your grip and moving to slip your underwear down your legs.
When she moves closer again she dives her head down between your legs, kissing you around your entrance, and then finally pressing one kiss firmly against your clit, making you moan.
'Need you,' you groan.
'Mm,' Leah moans at the sound of your desperation, 'You've been such a good patient girl, waiting all night for me.'
As she says this, she runs the tip of the dick through your folds, listening to how wet you are.
'Too long,' you say, not wanting to wait a moment longer.
'I know, baby, but I'm here now,' she says, as she begins to press down into you.
As Leah rolls her hips deeper, your eyes squeeze shut while your mouth falls open, moaning in pleasure.
'Look at me,' she tells you, and you open your eyes to see her focused face.
You reach your hand up to where her eyebrows are firmly drawn together, and you run your thumb gently over the creases between her brow, giving her permission to relax into the moment.
'Serious face,' you say affectionately.
'Shhh,' she quiets your teasing with a kiss, moving her lips against yours rhythmically as she begins to slowly thrust into you.
Moans and words of affirmation roll off your tongue, and Leah relishes in the sound, wanting nothing more than to make you come.
She adopts the perfect pace and finds the right spot with ease, each thrust making you slip closer to your orgasm.
'You're such a good girl, taking it so well,' Leah praises you, turning you on even more.
'Feels so good,' you say, struggling to find any other words to say.
Leah continues her movements, not stopping for a second. Her eyes are trained on you, watching how you get lost in the feeling of pleasure taking over your entire body.
'Slow down,' you ask, knowing that some long, deep thrusts will get you to the edge.
Leah does as you ask, re-positioning herself so her forearm is digging into the mattress, propping her up. She uses her other arm to wrap around your thigh and open your legs wider, allowing her to sink deeper into you.
'Fuck!' You moan loudly.
'Are you going to come for me like this?' Leah asks.
'Yes,' you say, your head rolling back on the pillow as your hands grip tightly around Leah's torso, assisting her movement.
'My pretty girl, want to watch how you come on my cock,' Leah says, her words driving you closer to your high.
'Lee,' you moan, voice breathy, 'I'm so close.'
'Good girl, come for me now darling,' Leah says, and this time her words tip you over the edge.
Your back arches and the waves of pleasure roll over you as Leah continues to gently thrust into you, letting you ride out your full orgasm.
'Oh my god,' you sigh, opening your eyes to see Leah watching you with pure adoration. Slowly once your breathing has settled, she pulls out of you and sits back, taking the strap off her legs and discarding it to the floor.
'You're amazing,' you tell her, as she moves to lay herself down next to you, wrapping her arms around you and guiding your head to rest on her chest.
'I'm glad you think so,' she says, making you smile, pulling you slightly out of your dazed demeanour.
You exhale contentedly as Leah runs her hand up and down your arm thats slung over her body.
'So tired,' you say sleepily, your eyelids heavy.
'I bet you are,' she smiles proudly, 'You can go to sleep now baby.'
'Thanks for the good sex,' you say, your exhausted post-orgasm brain hardly even thinking through what you're saying, making Leah giggle.
She kisses your forehead and moves herself into a more comfortable position before she assures you, 'Anytime'.
826 notes · View notes
Text
When they start off a devilgram with "this story is a little different than usual..." and then pull out the most insane AU that rattles around in my head for the entire year and beyond...
Prince and Knight!!? Are you fucking kidding me Prince and Knight!?
The inherent trust and dedication that comes with that AU. The inherent unspoken "I will kill and die for you"
The way all of MC's dialogue options are more serious than usual because this is their job, and they need to protect Mammon because the kingdom needs him, but also he's their friend and they want to protect Mammon because they need him
The fact that they've probably known each other for years because they train to fight together and work well together during fights - did they grow up together? Did they play together? First learn to sword fight together?The little prince and the commoner child who eventually rose through the ranks to become his personal guard?
The fact that they know each other so well? But also the trope!!! The "escaping from my room to get out of doing work only to open the door and find you've been waiting out there the whole time just to catch me in this moment"
The fact that they're both exasperated and proud of him
The fact that they try to dissuade him from doing "The Foolhardy Reckless Dangerous Brave Thing of The Week", realise as they probably have time and time again that it wasn't going to work and then immediately switches to well I guess this is what I'm doing today
The fact that they have banter that speaks to how long they've known each other, a level of comfort and familiarity, an easy way of talking in spite of their differences in status
The fact that he says multiple times that he trusts them above everyone else and how he wants them to always be by his side no matter what they're doing
The way he could have had a dragon for a companion but he immediately shot that down because that slot's already been filled by MC
And the way that all of this is platonic until the very end, they say all this stuff and do all these things for each other because this is how they are, this is what their dynamic has always been like in this AU. When MC kisses Mammon it's almost like a revelation to him that he can have them like this, as a lover (it wasn't like the other prince and right-hand man AU where they were in an established relationship and able to get married if they wanted) - so when he was saying all those things, when he was using "my [name]" to describe them that wasn't him saying it because they were his lover but because they were his.
Because that's what he's always known, that's what they are- because they've always been his - his friend, and his companion and his partner and his guard and his knight and his mage and there's no other way to more accurately describe them than his.
What's that tumblr post that's like "submissive like a guard dog" ????? That's their dynamic here. They're his guard dog and his attack dog and his loyal companion and he's their prince and their master and their friend and they're in love with him and he doesn't know because to him it's a given that they'll always be by his side forever and beyond that to the next life and it doesn't really matter if they're in love, though that's an added bonus of course, what matters is that they'll always be right next to him
And does he know that this particular dynamic means if push comes to shove they'd die for him and do so gladly without a moment's hesitation
The fact that this is also somehow technically a soulmate AU
bonus because ASMO!!!!????? :
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daisynik7 · 5 months
Text
Sweet Like Honey
Chapter 3: First Vacation
Pairing: Nanami x f!reader
Rating: Explicit - MINORS DO NOT INTERACT
Word Count: ~5.1k
cw: established relationship, fluff, smut – phone sex, mutual masturbation, PIV sex (doggy style, cowgirl), cunnilingus, vaginal fingering, dirty talk, pet names (sweetheart, sweeties, baby), use of the word slut (endearing)
Summary: You and Nanami go on your first trip together to a hot springs resort and things get steamy. 
Author’s Notes: Here’s the last spicy side story for A Bento for Kento! This is a repost; I’ve rewritten it a bit to reflect my current writing style better. I hope you enjoy it! Nanami deserves all good things in the world! Divider credit to @/cafekitsune. 
Previous Chapter | Sweet Like Honey Masterlist
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Four months into your relationship, you and Nanami plan your first trip together. The two of you sit on the couch in your living room, digesting the dinner you just ate. There’s a nearby mountain town called Hakone, known for being a hot springs resort with views of Mt. Fuji. Apparently, Nanami has been there before and recommends it. Having never been to a hot spring yourself, the idea of snuggling up next to your boyfriend in a steamy stone bath excites you. That is, until he breaks the news to you. “Hot springs are separate for men and women, sweetheart. We won’t be in the hot springs together.”
You look at him, mouth agape. “Huh, what’s the point then?!”
He chuckles, lifting the back of your hand up to his lips, kissing your knuckles. “To relax. You really can’t go a few hours without being beside me?” 
You raise a brow at him. “Oh please. Says the man who made me late to work this entire week because you kept wanting to cuddle.”
Smiling, he responds, “I can’t help it. It’s getting cold and you’re too cute. Anyways, I’m planning to book a room with a personal hot tub on the balcony, so we can still relax together at night.” 
That does sound nice. And it’s not like you are actually upset about the separate hot springs. It’s probably a better idea not to be near each other when naked in public. 
Since the day you two confessed your love for one another, the sex has ramped up quite a bit. And by quite a bit, you mean a lot. With your dear brother Ren officially living in the dorms at Jujutsu High, you and Nanami are together nearly every day, either at your place or his. And with your love for each other growing by the second, it’s no surprise that sex has become a regular part of your lives. You can’t keep your hands off each other. Sometimes, the two of you don’t have the patience to move to the bedroom, so Kento made sure to hide lube in the drawers of each room in both your homes, even in the most unsuspecting of places, like the kitchen and laundry room, which has definitely come in handy already. In the beginning of your relationship, there was still that trepidation of figuring out what each other was comfortable with. Both of you were extremely cautious of not crossing any lines, always asking, “Is this okay?” or “Do you like this?”. After a certain point, you became more comfortable with each other. You feel safe when you’re together. Now, the sex is more passionate than it’s ever been. Knowing he loves you just as much as you love him makes all the difference. This is the man you want to spend the rest of your life with. There’s no holding back. 
“Hot tub on a balcony? Sounds very romantic.” You scooch closer to sit on his lap, wrapping your arms around his neck. “Let’s do it.”
“Great. I’ll ask Gojo to help me book it. He’s the one who got us in last time.” He leans forward to nuzzle his nose to yours, grinning. “I can’t wait. Our first vacation together.”
“I’m getting excited just thinking about it.” You kiss him on the lips as he cradles you in his arms. 
“What are you thinking about? Are you being naughty again?”
“Of course not! How dare you. You know I’m a good girl,” you say with a coy smile, walking your fingers up his chest to loosen his tie.
He hums. “You are a good girl. You’re my good girl.” His lips brush lightly along your neck. In just a few short minutes, clothes are shed and the drawer next to the couch is open. 
~~~
The week of their vacation, Nanami is sent on a mission to Osaka with Gojo. Not only does he have to spend four days in a hotel room with his insufferable friend, but this will be the longest he’s been apart from his girlfriend since they started dating. 
On the last night, Nanami groans at his phone, staring at a picture of the yakisoba she made for dinner tonight as he eats a bowl of spicy instant ramen from a convenience store. “Remind me why we don’t have any stipend for food?” Nanami asks Gojo, who is happily slurping away at his noodles, cross-legged on the bed.
“Geez, Nanamin. Sorry our agency can’t afford five-star meals every night. Since when have you been such a snob?!”
“I’d rather be at home, eating my girlfriend’s yakisoba than eating instant ramen with you.”
“I’m so glad you said yakisoba and not something else,” Gojo jokes, with an eyebrow raised.
They finish the rest of their meal in a comfortable silence. When he’s done, Gojo stands up to stretch his long limbs. “I’m going for a walk. Be back in thirty minutes.” 
“Where are you going?”
“Just around. I’m giving you some alone time so you can talk to your girlfriend. Take the hint, buddy.”
Surprised, Nanami murmurs, “You don’t have to leave. It’s fine.”
“Seriously, it’s no big deal. Just tell her I say ‘hi’. And remember, thirty minutes. I better not walk in here with your pants down,” he teases, smirking as he opens the door.
“Oh, you are awful,” Nanami mutters before he’s left all alone. Finally. 
Immediately, he dials her number and after two rings, she picks up. “Hi baby!”
He loves hearing her voice. It instantly puts him in a good mood. “Hi honey. How are you?”
“Honey? Are you alone right now?”
“Yes. Gojo went out for a walk.”
They chat for several minutes about each other’s week. Nanami talks about the multiple curses they’ve exorcised and how Gojo has them eating convenience store food every night. She complains about work and her friend’s boyfriend drama, which he shamelessly indulges in. 
“I miss you so much,” Nanami says. He’s sitting up on his bed now, loosening the tie around his collar. 
“I miss you too, Kento.”
“I can’t wait for our vacation tomorrow.”
“Me too.”
There’s a brief silence over the phone, a familiar tension growing between the static noise. She breaks the silence first. “What do you want to do during our trip?”
“Well, we’re going to do the hot springs, maybe a massage –”
“No, Kento. I mean, what do you want to do to me?” He hears shifting on her end. He wonders what room she’s in and what she’s wearing.
He exhales into the phone, reaching for his belt, unbuckling it quietly. “What do you want, sweetheart? I’ll do whatever you want me to do.”
“Whatever I want?” she challenges. 
“Yes, anything.”
“Can you fuck me like the little slut that I am?”
“Fuck, baby. Fuck,” he mutters, pushing past the waistband of his pants to release his erect cock. He starts jerking off hastily, picturing her sprawled out on the bed for him, legs spread wide and ready to be railed. “You’re such a slut for me, huh? Always so needy for this cock. Where are you right now?” He rasps filthy words into the phone, all discretion tossed out the window.
“I’m on the couch in the living room, touching myself.” 
“Already? Can’t even make it to the bedroom, huh? You really are a slut. Can’t wait to eat that pussy out tomorrow. Can’t wait to devour you. You always taste divine on my tongue.” 
“God, Kento. Wish you were here. Wish you could fuck me on the couch like you did last week.” 
“Have you been touching yourself while I’ve been away? Have you been naughty?” He bites his lip thinking about her rubbing that clit with those cute little fingers, sliding them up and down her wet cunt. 
“Yes, I’ve been very naughty,” she huffs, voice trembling with arousal. “How will you punish me?” 
“Going to give you a spanking,” he growls, fisting his cock faster, precum leaking from the tip. “Going to fuck you until you can’t come anymore. Going to milk you dry.”
“Is that a promise?” If he listens carefully enough, he can hear the lewd squelches while she pleasures herself, spurring him on.
“You’re such a bad girl, always trying to provoke me. Tell me exactly what you’re doing.”
“Rubbing my clit,” she stammers. “Spreading my cum all over it so it’s nice and wet for you. God, I miss you so much, baby.”
“I know, honey. I miss you too. I miss you too,” he repeats, getting closer and closer to the edge. “Can you make yourself come? For me? Fuck yourself, pretend it’s me doing it. I want to hear it.”
He relishes in her faint whimpers as she masturbates on the phone with him, timing his strokes to match her moans. “There you go, sweetheart. Just like that. You’re doing so good for me,” he praises. He’s close and by the sounds of it, so is she. “Tell me what you’re thinking about,” he says in a low voice.
“Your big cock filling me up.”
“What position?”
“Cowgirl. I’m bouncing on it until you come inside, like how we did it on the couch. It was dripping down my thighs, remember?” Her voice is hoarse with lust, gradually unraveling on the other end of the line. 
“How could I forget?” he smiles to himself, vividly recalling the erotic memory. “And what did I do after?”
She lets out a loud moan before answering, “You put it back in me and fucked me again.”
“That’s right, baby. I know how much you like that.” He strokes his dick in a frenzy, ears hot and eyes shut tight as he approaches his climax.  
“Come with me, Kento. Come with me.” 
At her command, his abs clench as he releases all over himself, painting the bottom of his button up shirt with his seed. He really should have taken this off beforehand, but as usual, they get too caught up in the moment to think logically. 
“Did you come?” Her voice is quiet, her breathing shallow just like it gets whenever she orgasms.  
“Yes, I did. All over my shirt,” he admits, laughing softly.
“Oh no! Baby!”
“It’s okay. I have another one. How about you? Did you come?”
“Yes, I did,” she replies. He smirks, picturing her laid out on the couch, panties around her ankles, that blissful gaze in her eyes. That’s my girl, he muses. 
“You should clean yourself up before Gojo gets back,” she suggests.
Gojo. Shit.
Nanami turns his wrist to read his watch; it’s been at least forty-five minutes since his friend left for his thirty-minute walk. In a panic, he checks his messages and finds three from Gojo that he somehow missed:
NANAMINNNNN coming back from my walk now
never mind, extending my walk another 30
you dirty bastard
~~~
The next day, you and Nanami reunite for your trip. It’s a two-hour train ride to Hakone. You rest your head on Nanami’s shoulder, hands laced together, basking in each other’s existence. A few days away makes you realize how happy you are being with him. As if you had any doubts. 
When the train approaches the station, Nanami lightly taps on your thigh to get your attention. He points out the window. “Look, sweetie.” It’s a gorgeous view of Mt. Fuji in the distance. The hotel you’re staying at is only a ten-minute walk from the station, meaning this is the scenery you’ll have all weekend. You can’t imagine anything more romantic and peaceful than this. 
The hotel is as quaint as you pictured it. You check into the room and settle in before getting ready for the hot springs. Two hours away from each other is a cinch, especially in paradise. You both enjoy your separate onsen experiences, rejuvenated and relaxed for the night to come. 
After a delightful dinner at the hotel restaurant, it’s time to retreat into your room. On the elevator ride up, Nanami pushes you up against the wall and kisses you, unable to contain himself any longer. You fumble on the way to the room, exchanging delicate kisses until you’re inside. He removes his coat, then yours, before wrapping his arms around you in a big bear hug. “I’ve been waiting all week for this,” he says softly. 
You both change into proper hot tub attire: Nanami in swim trunks, you in a two-piece bathing suit. He leads you to the balcony, holding your hand to help you into the spa. The sexual tension is palpable. As you sit beside each other in the water, your muscles relax in the heat. You let your head fall back on the edge of the tub as you sigh, feeling at ease, staying like this for a few minutes. Even with your eyes closed, you can sense Nanami’s gaze on you. Cracking one eye open, you smirk. “Don’t you know it’s rude to stare?”
His hand slides up your thigh. “I can’t help it when you look like this.”
You face him, smiling. “And what do I look like?”
“Happy. Tranquil.” He pauses, leaning in closer to whisper, “You’re beautiful.”
There’s a flutter in your stomach, a sensation you’ll never get tired of. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.” 
Your lips brush together seamlessly, his breath warm on your mouth. With your hands on his chest, you feel the steady thump of his heartbeat pick up in pace as you continue to kiss passionately. Your skin prickles with goosebumps despite the surrounding heat. Something about the way Nanami kisses you always makes you tingly.
Straddling his lap now, you kiss his neck while you roll your hips on him, using his shoulders to hold on to. He lets out a guttural moan, making you ride him slower, touching every inch of him as you possible can until he’s undeniably hard beneath you. You want him. You need him.  
Water splashes over the edge of the tub, the waves rippling with each movement. The steam from the hot water is dewy on your skin. He caresses your head, fingers gripped to the back of your head, gently pulling you off so he can meet your lips with his before trailing along your neck, sucking on your skin, claiming you as his. His other hand cups your ass, moving with the rhythm in which you ride him. 
“You’re so good to me, Kento. Always so good to me,” you whimper.
He whispers in your ear, “I want you. I want you around my cock.” His squeezes your ass tighter, his self-control wavering. “Let’s go.”
You hop off and get out first. The contrast of the cold night air on your sweltering skin makes you shiver. When you watch him emerge out of the water with a very distinct bulge in his swimming trunks, you shudder even more. 
“Don’t you know it’s rude to stare?” he teases, grabbing your wrist and leading you back inside. His grip is strong, his pace quick. Seeing him unravel like this is arousing. Knowing how much he desires you in this moment makes you quiver for him.
He takes you into the bathroom, where he starts the shower, knob turned all the way to hot. He releases his hold on you to remove his swimming trunks, his hard dick flopping against his abdomen. The sight resonates straight to your arousal. In complete surrender, you bend over the sink counter begging, “Kento, please. I can’t wait anymore. I need you right now.”
He leans over you, his lips tickling your ear as he chuckles. “Be a good girl and get in the shower. Be patient, sweetheart.” His erection rubs against you, his lips grazing your nape seductively. He roams your back to remove your top, then down your ass, where he slides your bikini bottoms off at an agonizing speed. 
Pouting, you do as he says, slapping your ass as you step over the bathtub. He follows you in, pawing at your waist to pull you close. With a bar of soap, you stand underneath the hot shower, scrubbing the chlorine off your skin as Nanami watches you from behind. Soap suds travel from your neck down to your breasts. From the your peripheral, you see him lick his lips, salivating. When you’re ready to rinse off, you turn to face him, reaching between your legs, tapping your clit. 
“Can’t wait to taste you,” he says in a low voice, the look in his eyes carnal with desire. God, you want him. You want him so bad it hurts, pussy aching to be filled.
Letting the water rinse your body, you offer him the bar of soap. He shakes his head. “You do it.” This is the other side of him. Nanami is usually sweet and gentle with you. Never does he demand you to do anything or boss you around. But when he’s like this, you can’t help but heed his every command. Only you get to see him like this. You scrub the soap on his skin, sliding your hands all over his body. You pull him closer to you, letting the water wash away the bubbles. When you reach down to his still erect cock, he snatches your hand away and growls, “Not yet. I want to fuck you on the bed.” 
Once rinsed off, he gives you a small kiss on the forehead before stepping out, leaving you alone in the shower. Wrapping a towel around his waist, he gives you one last smirk before exiting the bathroom. What is he up to? 
A small groan escapes your mouth, your patience wearing thin. This is the longest foreplay you two have managed to last through. How much longer is he going to keep you waiting? How has he managed to stay this hard for this long without giving in? The anticipation puts you on edge. 
When you’re done, you wrap a robe loosely around yourself, returning to the bedroom to see Nanami sitting up on the bed, naked on top of the covers, watching you. He points to a small, black gift bag propped up at the foot of the bed. “Open it.”
Inside is a black slip dress and a matching lace thong. You swallow hard as you glide the thin material between your fingers, nervous and aroused at what’s about to come. “Put it on. Model it for me.” He leans back on the headboard, palms behind his head, cock stiff against his stomach. There’s a smug expression on his face; you can tell he’s enjoying this. 
You shrug the robe off and wear the dress first. Your nipples poke through the fabric. Nanami bites his lower lip and leans forward to get a better look. “Now put the thong on. Slowly.”
At his direction, you slip on the lingerie slowly. When it’s past your knees, he says, “Turn around and let me see.” With your back towards him, you stick your ass out and lift the hem of the dress to slide the thong between your cheeks. 
You hear him moan quietly. “Perfect. You’re perfect. Come here, sweetheart.”
~~~
She crawls next to him, where they begin kissing, all sloppy and wet. Her hand reaches down to stroke his shaft. He cradles her bottom, fingers feeling for the lacey fabric buried between her ass cheeks.  
“Get on your back,” he orders, hovering above her, marveling at how insanely gorgeous she is. The satin dress accentuates every bodacious curve of her body. He makes a mental note to buy more of these for her in the future.
He slides his hand beneath the dress to rub his fingers on the wet spot of her lacey lingerie. “So wet for me already,” he purrs, slipping past the fabric. “Always so wet for me.”
“Please,” she pleads. He loves it when she begs. Absolutely loves it. It awakens something in him. The usually calm Kento Nanami becomes unhinged whenever he touches her. But when she begs for it, he wants nothing more than to make her feel amazing, to be the reason she squirms in pleasure beneath him.
He slides his middle finger along her folds, gathering as much slick as he can before he starts caressing her puffy clit. She whines under his touch, the sensation too much. She’s been waiting for this all night. Been begging for it. This is her reward for her patience. She grabs the nearest pillow to cover her mouth, but as soon as she does, Nanami pulls it off and tosses it behind him. 
“No,” he demands. “I want everyone to hear how good you’re getting it right now.”
He shimmies down the bed, spreading her thighs apart. With his head between her legs, he leans forward, teasing her clit with a flick of his tongue, holding her panties to the side. She grabs hold of his hair as he presses soft kisses to her clit. Suddenly, he flattens his tongue on her bud and moves it side to side, surrounding every centimeter of that pretty clit with his mouth. Lewd sounds fill the room, from her loud, shameless moaning to the wet noises he makes as he eats her out. He adjusts his position to stroke himself as he continues to devour her.
She’s like honey on his tongue, luscious and decadent. He cherishes every time he gets to do this to her. Usually, she is too shy to let him eat her out. She deprives him of this treat. He’s starved for it. With her like this, spread out like a fucking feast in front of him, he’ll be damned if he doesn’t take full advantage of this moment. He latches his lips around her, sucking on it as he lets go of his cock to slide his middle and ring finger into her pussy. He watches her chest fall and rise with shallow breaths with his fingers pumping in and out of her, thumb rubbing circles around her clit. She cries out his name. “Kento!”
“Fuck. You have no idea how good you look right now, swallowing up my fingers like this.” He bucks his hips against the bed, desperate for any type of friction. All he hears from her is a litany of swears and his name. Her moans eventually turn into whimpers. He stops massaging her clit and eats her out again, this time sloppier and more erratic as he continues to work his fingers inside her. The sheets are damp with his saliva and her cum. He’s not sure how many times she orgasms; based on the evidence before him, he guesses it’s at least twice. She’s too busy taking it like a slut to even verbalize when she’s coming. 
When he’s close to his limit, he places one last tender kiss on her clit before releasing her lacey thong; he’s been holding them to the side this entire time. His fingers slip out of her, shiny with her orgasm. The temptation to suck her sweet nectar from his fingers is too good to resist. As he kneels next to her, he leans down to put his face close to hers. Her eyes widen with anticipation, waiting for his next move. With a dark look in his eyes, he licks his glossy fingers, dragging his tongue up and down, savoring it like it’s the most decadent treat. She whines, staring at him, grinding her hips up, desperate to be fucked. He never gets tired of seeing her like this.  
Fully aware of how her slick glistens on his lips and chin, he murmurs, “Taste yourself. I want you know how good you are.”
There’s a dazed expression in her eyes as she obeys, sitting up to kiss him sloppily, tongue lapping into his open mouth then down to his chin. It drives him crazy. Before he comes right then and there, he shoves his hand between her legs and tugs her panties off, admiring how soaked they are, all for him. Because of him. 
Under the pillow is the bottle of lube he hid right after he got out of the shower. He pops off the cap and pours a liberal amount into his palms, coating his shaft. He strokes his cock vigorously, asking, “Are you ready, sweetheart?”
“Yes, Kento. Please. Please. I need you inside me.”
“I know, baby. I know.” He kneels in front of her, aligning the tip of his dick with her slit, entering her slowly, careful not to be too forceful. She’s always so tight, even when she’s dripping wet for him. “Such a good girl,” he whispers, leaning over her to kiss her forehead. 
Halfway in, her body adjusts to his size, allowing him to thrust into her in fluid motions. She wraps her legs around him, babbling. “Kento, fuck. Fuck.”
“So wet for me. You’re perfect around my cock.” Once he’s fully inside her, he kisses her with open lips, tongue licking up her saliva as she moans into his mouth. He pins her wrists above her head, thrusting his hips against her. They make love like this for a while, Nanami relishing the way her body melts around him. He knows what she wants, but he takes his time teasing her like this until she groans out, “Fuck me harder. Please.”
As if on cue, he pulls out of her and taps his fingers at her hips. At his command, she flips over onto her stomach and gets on all fours, pushing her ass out. The hem of her satin dress rides up over the curve of her hips. The sight in front of him is immaculate. He wants this ingrained in his memory forever. “Think you can take it, sweetheart? I’m not gonna go easy on you.”
“Yes, baby. Fuck me hard. Please. I can take it.”
“Good girl,” he coos, placing a soft kiss on her back. Whatever she wants, he’ll give it to her, especially when she begs like this. He puts both of his hands on each of her ass cheeks and spreads them apart, watching his glistening cock slowly slide into her pussy. 
“God, I wish you could see what I see right now. It’s exquisite. You look fucking incredible like this. My sweet girl.” Once he’s all the way in, he grabs hold of her hips and fucks her. Hard. Exactly how she likes it. 
“Fuck, feels so fucking good!” she cries out. Her knuckles are tight as she clenches the sheets. He spanks her as he fucks her, causing her to groan into the pillow with her back arched. The sound of his pelvis slapping against her ass with each rapid thrust is filthy. 
“I needed this, baby. It’s been such a long week,” he grunts. “God, you take it so well. Such a slut for me, huh? Say it.”
“I’m a slut for you, Kento. Feels amazing when you fuck me like this.” 
Grip still firm on her hips, he continues to drive his cock into her, reveling in the way she swallows him up. She turns her head to the side, that dazed look on her face. Her lips are parted as she continues to moan incoherently, drool leaking down the sides of her wet mouth. When she makes eye contact with him, her lips curl into a small smile. “Right there, Kento. Make me come.”
Growling, he hits her sweet spot until she comes all over his cock. She tightens around him. his dick creamy with more of her cum with each thrust. It’s obscene; he can’t hold it in anymore. 
“Ride me,” he demands, pulling out abruptly. He rolls onto his back, watching her climb on top of him. She guides his dick inside her, exhaling deeply as she sinks lower onto his shaft. It goes in easily, her pussy sleek from her multiple orgasms, his own precum, and the lube from earlier. When he bottoms out, she leans over him, kissing him passionately as she thrusts her ass back and forth onto his cock. 
“Just like that. Fuck,” he moans. This is his absolute favorite position. He loves it when she rides him like this. Always so eager and greedy for his cum whenever she’s on top. It makes him feel like a fucking god. He cranes his neck to the side, tugging on the hem of her dress to watch her bounce on his lap. “I fucking love this. You know how much I love this, you fucking nasty slut.” 
“I’m such a nasty slut for you, baby. Only for you. Fuck,” she moans into his ear, riding him faster. 
He’s close. How he’s managed to last this long without coming, he’ll never know. Maybe his stamina has improved after all the sex they’ve been having recently. Or maybe it’s the thought of coming in her like this that kept him under control. Whatever it is, he decides he’s been patient long enough. 
“Let me take over,” he whispers to her.
Her body relaxes. Now, he’s in control. He plants his feet onto the bed and thrusts into her at a rapid pace, holding onto her waist to move her in perfect rhythm with his hips. 
“Come inside me, Kento. Fill me up,” she mewls into his ear.
At her words, he releases inside her, shutting his eyes tight as he rides out the rest of his orgasm. When he’s finished, he pulls out and she collapses beside him. The dress is defiled with the aftermath of their lovemaking, just as he fantasized about. 
~~~
You put your arm over his chest and lay your head against his shoulder. “Wow,” is all you can muster, voice shaky. Nanami just rocked your fucking world, and you can’t find better words to describe it. 
He chuckles, his eyes still closed. “Yeah. Wow.” He takes your hand and kisses the inside of your wrist. “I’m sorry for calling you a slut.”
You giggle. He always does this. “You don’t have to keep apologizing for that! You know I like it.”
“I usually don’t use degrading language like that. I just want to make sure it’s still okay with you.” You can’t contain your smile. He’s too cute for his own good. 
“By the way, how long have you been planning this?” you ask.
He finally opens his eyes and faces you. “All week. Saw the dress on display at a mall in Osaka. I knew it would look magnificent on you. It’s even better than what I imagined.”
“You sneaky devil!”
“I’m only this way because of you. You really unleash the devil in me.” He grins, nuzzling his nose against yours.
“I guess I’m the lucky angel then, huh?”
“You are,” he says, peppering kisses on your face. “My sweet angel. I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
After a few more minutes of post-coital cuddling, the two of you wash up again and get ready for a well-deserved sleep. You snuggle each other in pure bliss, looking forward to more vacations with the man you love. 
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bogkeep · 6 months
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being in aroace education mode has me all fired up...... one thing i talk about a lot when given the opportunity is Deconstructing How We Think About Relationships - in short, if we put all of our relationships with other people into a pie chart the 'romantic partner' slice is likely to be a very small slice but gets a disproportionate amount of Relationship Infrastructure compared to other categories, such as vocabulary, rituals, attention and narrative scaffolding - entire systems such as dating / finding "the one" / break-ups / the relationship escalator, etc. on the flipside, 'friend' is such a vast category consisting of a plethora of different relationship, all ranging from Friendly Acquantaince to Extremely Close Childhood Friend You Share Everything With, but we have a lot less language and structure for how we think about these relationships even though many of them can be deeply important and intense to us.
the line between romance and friendship is really blurry, maybe even non-existent, but it feels like the way we think about these categories is that Romantic Partner is this one very specific, formalised box of a category, while Friend is a vast and vague landscape where anything can happen - and it's on this free real estate we have built structures like Queerplatonic Partner. the concept has probably existed since forever, along with many other different types of relationships throughout time and cultures, but it's our current attempt at having a Word for it.
are you with me so far? i want to write a blog post about Deconstructing Intimacy.
just putting a CW here that i'm going to say the word sex a lot and touch on the topic of sexual trauma.
one of the very thorny things about This Whole Topic is that sex and sexuality is extremely political. we just do not live in a world where there's any neutral ground to stand on regarding sex. every demographic comes with a lot of assumptions and expectations and moral judgement tied to sexuality. some demographics are desexualised, some are hypersexualised, some are Both At Once, and in addition to that there's lots of stigma, moralizing, pathologizing, and lawmaking. just a whole mess.
so all of That makes it kind of impossible to fully Dethrone Sex. and by dethroning sex i mean stripping it of the baggage it's accumulated in our cultures. Sex Is A Thing You Can Do With Your Body (And Your Mind?). this does not have to make it any less or more meaningful to you than what it already is. what each person considers intimate is very individual. many people find hugging completely inconsequential and will hug anyone at any time, and for some people a hug is A Lot. For some people, sex is a very fun and casual activity, and for others it's Sacred and carries a lot of meaning and a very close bond. sex is intimate - it requires trust and vulnerability.
it is not the only way to achieve trust and closeness, nor the only thing that requires it.
whenever i take the bus somewhere, i trust the bus driver to take me there safely. i put my literal life in a stranger's hands, but it's a very casual affair i don't think about too much. it's not an act of intimacy, just someone doing their job.
i think the way we talk about sexual assault as the evillest most horribly irredeemably worse-than-death thing, and sexual trauma as a unique kind of trauma amongst traumas, is... indicative. and please do not get me wrong, SA is a horrible thing in every way. it's a violation of trust, vulnerability and personal space. it's an abuse of power. those are the things that make it so horrific - but it's not unique.
an abuse of power, a violation of trust and vulnerability, can happen in so many different forms. emotional abuse, non-sexual violence, medical abuse, et cetera - i don't think it's possible to place trauma into a hierarchy from least to most bad. trauma can be incredibly complex and it's different for everyone. if one day the bus driver on a whim decided to drive off a cliff, i think that would severely fuck up my ability to trust other people to drive me around. if i trusted someone with my innermost thoughts that i have never shared with anyone else, and they used them to be cruel to me, that would severely impede my ability to connect with others.
i just... don't think it does anyone any favours to separate sexual trauma from all other trauma - making it seem like sexual trauma is The Worst Trauma Possible You Can Never Heal From, and on the flipside, make it seem like Well Your Non-Sexual Trauma Cannot Possibly Be That Bad.
TRAUMA TOPIC ASIDE, i think the concept of intimacy has a tendency to get flattened into just the one kind. there are many, Many ways for people to be intimate, many activities that require some form of mutual vulnerability or physical contact, but it seems like we're just very used to placing Acts of Intimacy into the Sexual category. kind of like a venn diagram where the two circles are Sexual Intimacy and Non-sexual Intimacy that are largely overlapping. but what if, instead, it's more that Intimacy is a really big circle, and sex is just one of the circles within it?
the way i think this slots into the whole Relationship Infrastructure thing is that We Like To Categorize Things. if we see two people being very intimate in a way that's not explicitly sexual, it's tempting to think ah yes they are in love AND they're having sex, OBVIOUSLY, because they are clearly capable of having that level of trust and vulnerability together. but what if they're not? does that devalue their relationship? does it make them any less close? these are very chewy questions to ask even without bringing shipping discourse into it, and i would prefer Not To because sexuality is political and there is no right answer.
another way this flattening can be frustrating is all the times non-sexual intimacy is treated as Sexual By Proxy. let's say, for example, you're telling a story, and all forms of intimacy within that story get read as metaphors for sex, despite your actual intentions. there's nothing wrong with using metaphors for sex, especially since Sex Is Political and sometimes we gotta be clever about the storytelling - but it can get very messy if people read sexuality between characters who don't have that, especially characters between which it would be very problematic to portray that. we gotta be able to tell stories about all kinds of close relationships, and surely it should be possible without bringing freud into it at every turn.
intimacy is context-dependent, i would say. a moment of vulnerability can be platonic or romantic or sexual or maybe something else depending on a situation and all the factors involved. human connection is an boundless spectrum, not just a couple boxes.
did any of this make sense? they're just my Thoughts, i'm not a scholar on this i just
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fwckriley · 1 year
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I've read lots of fanfics and headcanons about Ghost with partners who are usually kind, pure, like a angel, all flowers and butterflies and stuff etc. I get it, but no offense, and looking at it from another perspective, when you think about people who have experienced childhood trauma, they tend to repeat certain patterns. I'm not saying that every person with a traumatic past will have a toxic relationship.
But, you see: I personally believe that Ghost would never give a chance to someone he deems "perfect," innocent, pure, because that's completely opposite to how he sees himself. How could he be in a relationship with someone so different from him? How could he be understood by someone who doesn't have a certain darkness within? I'm not saying it wouldn't work, but I think a part of him would never fully reveal itself out of fear of being judged. On the other hand, I believe he would also seek out people who, in some way, are unattainable, to reaffirm that little voice inside him saying he doesn't deserve to be loved. Of course, none of this is really true, but that's how the mind of someone with many traumas tends to work.
I think he would avoid relationships and commitments for a long time, and wouldn't be able to choose someone outside of his field of work. "Normal" people could never understand the things he does, they could try, but never fully comprehend. In my opinion, he would fall in love, without realizing it, with someone from his field of work, probably a teammate with whom he shared many experiences. Someone with whom he has a deep connection. And, as I mentioned at the beginning, I believe he would unconsciously seek out more complex people. I see him attracted to people with a similar outlook on life, who are tougher and more realistic. Who share a darker sense of humor. Who have also experienced some kind of trauma in the past, so they can understand how he feels. I imagine him in a relationship with someone who has these characteristics, and unlike him, is ambiverted or extroverted. Someone who challenges him, calls him out when he's wrong, or is determined. Someone honest, but not rude. Someone funny, smart, creative. Someone with a thirst for adventure and a spark, to contrast with some parts of him.
But honestly, I can't picture him with someone he deems pure and perfect. He doesn't feel worthy or even attracted to that. He tends to surround himself with people who are similar to him because that's where he feels comfortable. Just to clarify, it doesn't necessarily mean that this partner in question would be a bad or toxic person, but simply someone similar to him. I believe Price is the best example of that, who is good but not innocent, not entirely right.
In the end, I think the relationship with the chosen person would be a challenging but functional one. Not toxic, not abusive or destructive, just difficult. Traumatized people are human and fully capable of relating to each other, but it takes patience and determination, and a lot of work. I think that over time, they would improve greatly. Because Ghost's biggest fear is one-sidedness. He needs to know that he is protecting and helping, but he also needs to feel protected and helped.
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letters-to-lgbt-kids · 3 months
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My dear lgbt+ kids, 
So, you have been in a relationship for a while and you’re ready and eager to take the next step - but your partner isn’t. What now? 
The “next step” I’m referring to here could mean a lot of different things because relationships do not all follow one specific timeline (and also because my readers may be of wildly different ages and live in wildly different situations) but I am thinking of any “deepening our commitment” things here: for example introducing them to your friends or your family, moving in together or (if you are in a situation where that’s a legal possibility) even marriage or having a child together. 
Whatever the step actually looks like, you may have this romantic idea of “If they’re right for you, you’ll always naturally want to take these steps at the same time”… but that’s not really how relationships work in real life. Even in the healthiest relationship and even if you absolutely feel like they’re your soulmate, you may still disagree on when to take those steps or even on whether you want to take these steps at all. 
In fact, it’s uniquely frustrating if everything else is going well. If their refusal to meet your mom is just another point on the long list of behaviors that make you feel like they don’t really care about you, that’s also painful but it’s easier to give advice there: maybe you should think about breaking up. It’s tempting to believe that you can make them love you more if you move in with them or that they’ll treat you better once you get engaged, but that won’t work out. You can’t fix a broken relationship by deepening the commitment - commitment needs a stable foundation to grow. And this doesn’t only go for outright abusive relationships: they may be a wonderful person but you two just have entirely different goals and needs, and those won’t suddenly overlap more just because you moved in with them or married them. 
With all that being said: if there IS a healthy and stable foundation, if you are happy in every other aspect and they’re just hesitant about this one specific step, then jumping straight to “break up with them” would obviously be pretty unhelpful advice. Differing opinions occur even in the most compatible couple, you are both whole people with your own individual feelings and those do not necessarily doom the whole relationship. It’s important to see this situation in the context of the relationship in general. 
You may be able to guess that a big portion of the advice is just gonna be “Communicate with your partner” - but first of all, I’d advise you to have an open and honest conversation with yourself. Why is this step of commitment so important to you? What does it mean to you? Do you feel a sense of urgency in taking it and if so, why? Is this specific step the only possible path for your need to be met? Are you open to alternative approaches, are you open to waiting (and if so, for how long)? The purpose of these questions is definitely not to convince yourself to give up on your needs or to talk yourself into a compromise you’re not really happy with! The opposite of that, actually: It’s helpful to reflect on what exactly you want and why you want it, so you have the clarity you need to discuss it productively. You don’t want to agree to something that ultimately leaves you unsatisfied and bitter, but you also don’t want to push hard for something you later on realize doesn’t even mean that much to you. 
When you feel confident enough about your own stance to discuss it with your partner, the most important thing to remember is: you’re on the same team. The goal here isn’t to “win” or to change their mind, but to see each others perspective better and find a solution you’re both happy with. Listen with an open mind. Try to understand before you try to influence. Remind yourself that your partner isn’t your enemy, they also want the best outcome for both of you - otherwise you (hopefully) wouldn’t want to commit to them! 
Something you should get clarification on during your conversations: is it a hard no (do not want to do that at all ever), a soft no (open to alternatives or adjustments), a no for now (want to do it but not yet), a yes but (want to do it but only under certain circumstances or in a different way than your original plan) or a I don’t know? How does this affect your feelings on the situation? (I’m sure that even just while reading these different scenarios, some instinctively feel better or worse than others! But it’s still important to take some time to sit with any new information that comes up during those conversations. Neither of you should feel pressured or rushed here!) 
You may find that they just never considered that there may be multiple approaches to that step (an example for this would be that they are not actually opposed to the idea of being married to you, just to the idea of a wedding, and didn’t consider yet that eloping is also a possibility) - but don’t set yourself up for disappointment by expecting the conversation to 100% go that way. It may also be a hard no, and that wouldn’t make them a horrible person. People can deeply, truly love someone and still do not want to take certain steps with them. It’s a good idea to remind yourself that you’re not “in the right” or “the better person” for wanting to take those steps. While certain steps may be a big part of your own future plans or even of your identity and self-image (and that’s valid!), they are just personal preferences. It’s not a moral obligation to want them, and your partner isn’t mean for not wanting them. But, of course, at this point we also need to say: if you can not imagine a life where you never get married, you are not a horrible person for breaking up with a partner who can not imagine to ever marry. “Irreconcilable differences” are a common breakup reason for a reason. 
So, to summarize: Building a strong foundation is crucial before taking big steps. Communicate openly with yourself first - understand why you want to take this step and if there are alternatives. When talking to your partner, remember you're a team; it's not about winning but understanding each other. Be open to different responses, from a clear no to conditions on a yes. Do not pressure your partner but do not completely give up on your own happiness either. 
The journey of commitment should be a shared adventure - not a battle or a competitive race! 
With all my love, 
Your Tumblr Dad 
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