#and tbh im lucky to even be feeling this way. like i never in a million years would think this would happen to me | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lovelettersfromluna · 6 months

Text

Supercut

Summary: “In my head, I play a supercut of us.”

an: halfway through writing this I decided that this isn't technically the finale hehe, more of cam girl!Ellie come, this is just the end of them being stupid. mwah mwah love you all more than you know.

Warnings: SMUT!! 18+, MDNI, angst, cam girl!ellie, Ellie is a real idiot in this one tbh, arguing, hurt/eventual comfort, toxic!Ellie, tribbing, making out, pet names, this one is a little short im sorry, lmk if I missed anything!!!

Read part 1 here, and part 2 here!

You know that gross feeling you get whenever you look back at old pictures or videos? You know, the one that you feel at the pit of your stomach, and it makes you really happy but also really sad? What's that called again?

Oh, right. Its melancholy

It's that feeling where you have a specific memory, and you know that no matter what, that time is gone. You can't replicate it, and the only place that it will live is in the confides of your own mind

And it sucks, because you don't even know when those moments are going to be made. There's no warning in your brain that the day you have planned is going to be so impactful to your life, that you will constantly chase that feeling, trying to replicate what it was that made that time so blissful so that you can feel that same warmth again.

You don't even get the chance to savor it while it lasts.

It almost makes you feel like you never wanted those times to happen to begin with, because you would have been fine without them. Sacrifice one of the times of your life so that you wouldn't have to spend countless nights laying in bed, only hoping that you will experience something that can even come close to how it all felt in the past.

Most of the time, it's easy to simply look back at those memories, feel that disgusting mixture of happiness and sadness, and then move on.

But for some god awful reason, you can't seem to do that this time.

This time, it lingers. It sits there, knocking at your chest, demanding to be acknowledged, to have all of your undivided attention, giving you no choice but to think about how fucked up this all is, how all of this was a complete and utter mistake, and how you have no way in taking it back.

It makes you wish time travel was real, yearning for some mad scientist to come out and say 'look everyone! you can reverse the mistakes you've made in the past!'.

But that doesn't happen, and you have no choice but to live with the icky feeling that settles at the pit of your stomach, and refuses to go away.

You weren't entirely sure what would happen after that night with Ellie, the night that she laid her weight on top of you, fucking you into her mattress over and over again, whispering the sweetest words into the nape of your neck, holding you the entire night through once you were finished, silence overcoming the space as you both fell into a blissful sleep.

It was hard to really tell where you both stood, but you weren't an idiot.

You knew, that you and Ellie had made love that night.

It was truly like nothing you had ever experienced. It was like you were constantly in that delicious state before sleep, where the world is soft, and everything is so comfortable right before you reach the point of unconsciousness, and everything feels so utterly perfect.

That's what it felt like, and you knew that from the moment Ellie had pulled you against her chest, and pressed a soft kiss to your head before you both fell asleep.

It happened, but God....you really wished it hadn't.

Because now? Things were so much fucking worse.

The feeling Ellie gave you scared you, and it made the ugliest thoughts fill your head when you woke up. You felt wrong, the skin on your body feeling filthy for doing something so intimate with her, with your roommate. You felt like you were taking something that wasn't yours, something that was never meant for you in that way.

So you ran.

Not far, of course. You were lucky enough to wake up before Ellie, gently peeling yourself from her body, your stomach sinking whenever she mumbled something gently in her sleep, her hands mindlessly reaching for your body before she fell back into her deep slumber.

You stood over her for a moment, watching as her eyes flickered in her sleep, lips parted as she snored gently. The feeling you had when you watched her sleep scared you, because you felt...like you wanted to stay with her, protect her, hold her in your arms and ignore the reality of how much this was fucking with your head, ignore the fact that she had simply wanted help with her work.

It wasn't supposed to be like this.

You inhaled deeply before you left her room, closing her door gently before you quickly went to your bedroom, tugged on a t shirt and jeans before you grabbed your jacket and left the apartment.

You stayed out in the city all day, that day. You were like a ghost, trying to sort out the feelings that were settling in your chest, opting to simply ignore them instead. You made sure to leave your phone at home, knowing any texts from Ellie wouldn't do you any good with how you were feeling.

You didn't return home until later that afternoon, the sun setting, slowly casting the familiar darkness of night onto the city that you had come to know. You wished you could stay out longer, avoid the situation more, but it was only gettin colder, and you knew you had to go back to your apartment sooner or later.

When you got there, you were greeted by silence. You don't even hear Ellie's usual music playing from inside her room. You frowned softly, looking around a bit for any signs of the girl there. You looked down, finding that her leather jacket and helmet weren't where they usually were.

Ellie had left too.

You should've been happy at that, giving you even more time away from the girl than planned, yet you can't ignore the ugly tinge of sadness and annoyance that lingers at the back of your throat at the thought of here simply...leaving.

When you got to your room, you quickly grabbed your phone, wishfully thinking that there would be a string of messages from your roommate, asking you where you've gone, and if everything is okay between you both.

But when you unlock your phone, there's nothing there.

Not a single call, or a single text.

And you suddenly realized, that great minds think alike.

So, that's how things go with you and Ellie after that. There isn't a grand scene of love, where you both confess that you had both felt that way from the moment you set eyes on each other, there isn't a happily ever after where you become her girl, and she becomes yours. There isn't any of that, you two simply go from being friends, to barely being roommates.

You guys never speak about it. There's never a conversation that happens to even clear the air, pretending as though that night in her bedroom never happened.

There's a sense of hostility that follows after all of it happens, because Ellie won't even fucking look at you now, let alone stand in the same room as you. If you're in the living room, she's in her bedroom, and if you're in the kitchen, she leaves the apartment to go eat somewhere else.

It leaves a bitter taste in your mouth, because you can practically feel the hatred she has for you radiating off of her body whenever she's around, and it's a shock to you that you two are still even living together. The Ellie that would once sit in the living room with you, practically tugging your body to sit on her lap, has succumb to someone who barely even exists to you anymore.

And it doesn't even end there.

Ellie never really had girls in and out of the apartment before, even before you and her started filming and having sex. She was pretty strict about letting others into her space, only ever bringing around girls she was dating long term, or her designated filming partner. You never had a problem with it, letting Ellie know time and time again that the place was half hers, and she could bring whoever she wanted.

But that seemingly changed after you and her happened.

Because suddenly, there's a different girl at your apartment every night, and Ellie is fucking them ten different ways into the next month.

And it always happens to be on the nights before you have to wake up early to go in and open the record store.

She becomes relentless.

You first noticed it happening when she breezed past you on a Friday night, clearly dressed up for a night out. You couldn't really ignore the way your core tightened at how fucking good she looked, the feeling quickly overshadowed by the way she yet again left the house as if you weren't sitting right there.

After getting yourself to bed for some much needed shut eye, you were rudely awakened by the sound of your front door slamming open, followed by the sound of tumbling and soft giggles..

Which then slowly turned into the sounds of Ellie fucking a girl in her bedroom that was directly across from yours.

And it kept going, night after night, the sound of Ellie pleasuring another woman was all that you were left with. Not even your headphones on full volume could drown out the banging of Ellies headboard against the wall.

You have never been a jealous person, especially when it came to Ellie and her sex life. However, after what happened between the both of you, and the very clear fact that Ellie was indeed doing it out of spite..

You really couldn't ignore the fire you felt at the pit of your stomach whenever you heard some random girl moaning out Ellie's name to the top of her fucking lungs.

It was then that you came to terms with the fact that enough was enough.

And you had to move out.

It wasn't long until you wouldn't leave your room.

You seriously couldn't stomach the way it felt, being ignored by Ellie, her constant avoidance a reminder of how much of a bad idea it was to agree to filming with her in the first place. If that wasn't enough, constantly seeing her leave the apartment to go meet up with another girl started to hurt even more.

And you really didn't want to face the truth behind that.

There was something unsettling that came with the feeling it gave you, because how could you go from not even batting an eyelash at Ellie walking out of her bedroom with Julia, to feeling tears prickle at the edge of your eyes every time you heard her fucking someone else across from your room.

Because it's cruel, and you know you were wrong to leave her the way you did, but she left too. You knew that what you did was wrong, but surely you didn't deserve all of this? And why would she even want to hurt you like this in the first place? Surely you were the only one that felt this ridiculous conflicting feeling that only brought you stress.

And yet, you only found new ways to torture yourself.

It happens one night after work, you're tired and all you want to do is peel off your clothes and hop into bed.

Opting to grab your laptop, wanting to watch some mindless video on the internet to lull you to sleep, you are suddenly faced with something that had been waiting to haunt you.

A link to one of your videos with Ellie was still on your browser.

She had sent it to you a while ago, wanting to show you how well it was doing, and all the positive feedback that it was receiving, you meant to watch it at the time, but never got around to it. Now, it was sitting there, collecting dust until you decided to open it.

And you knew you shouldn't have, because that chapter of your life has closed, and you intended to keep it fully closed.

But curiosity did kill the cat, didn't it?

You didn't think twice before opening it, the link quickly flashing across your screen and taking you to Ellie's page. The thumbnail is of the two of you, the last video you guys had filmed. Its you, straddling Ellie on her bed, her strong hands gripping your hips, probably forcing you to grind down on her lap.

You feel your core tighten at the sight of it.

You don't look at it much longer, or read the comments either, because you know they will all be asking where you've gone, and whether or not you were coming back.

Instead of closing your laptop and going to sleep like you should have, you kept scrolling through Ellies page. You come to find the usual, seeing that she had been live the past few nights, as well as posted a few videos for her viewers to catch up on, none of it out of the ordinary.

Something does catch your eye however.

Its a video that was posted a few nights ago, and you can barely make it out, but you can see a thumbnail of Ellies tattooed hand pushed between a girls thighs, doing what you can only assume to be fingering her.

And that girl is definitely not you.

She had found herself a new partner.

It’s no shock that she did. She’d been actively fucking other girls, someone in and out of your apartment almost every night, something that she had made sure to make very clear to you…

But there was just something about actually seeing it that hurt like hell

You slammed your laptop shut, a bit too hard, but you were suddenly filled with something foreign to you, something that you hardly felt for anyone.

Quickly grabbing you blankets and tugging them over your body, you squeezed your eyes shut to try and erase the image of Ellie with another girl from your brain, the image slowly tainting the deepest corners of your mind so that you won't ever be able to do just that.

You couldn't do this anymore.

Ellie was just as bad at talking about her feelings as you were.

Because the morning after you and her had sex, she wanted nothing more than to wake up with you, kiss you, hold you, move on from this agonizingly slow phase that you two were in, where she was allowed to do the things that she always wanted to do, just conditionally.

She wanted to wake up, and move forward whatever the fuck you and her were stuck in.

But you didn’t. You simply woke up before her, and left, leaving Ellie to feel like a fucking idiot.

Because maybe she read into the entire thing wrong, maybe you didn’t feel anything for her, maybe you really did only see her as your roommate and nothing more than that….

Maybe that look in your eye that she was sure she saw when she was fucking you, was all in her head.

So when you ran, she did too.

And soon, Ellie’s sadness turned into anger, and all she wanted to do, was hurt you the same way that you hurt her.

She wanted you to hear her with other girls, she wanted you to see her with other women on her streams, she wanted you to see what it was that you’d lost, what you’d stupidly lost when you decided to run away from her the morning after it all.

But maybe she’d taken it too far.

Because Ellie’s anger turned into something that she didn’t want, because no matter how much noise she made, how good she tried to look whenever she was getting ready to go out with some random girl, no matter what she did to make you jealous, you never batted an eyelash her way, you never once reacted to anything that she did that was directed at you for the sole purpose of getting your attention.

And not only did it further prove to Ellie that you didn’t give a fuck about her, but it also made her so much more frustrated with you.

Did you seriously not have a fucking soul? Could you not even acknowledge her? Hurt for her? Feel hurt by her? Why wasn’t it working? Why weren’t you…..why couldn’t you just…..

Why couldn’t you just fucking want her.

Ellie was truly at her last straw, because being with other women was something she already didn’t like doing, but it was slowly eating away at her, picking away at her insides and making her feel hollow inside, a shell of who she used to be when she was with you.

And when she didn’t think things could get any worse, she found you doing something she only saw in her nightmares.

She hadn’t really noticed it at first, but slowly, your belongings began to disappear from the apartment. Particularly in the living room.

Your stack of blankets would get smaller and smaller as the week went by, the dorky little figures you had littered around different shelves and the tv stand started to disappear too, little parts of you started leaving, one by one, and Ellie was too far up her own ass to even notice.

Maybe if she had, she could’ve convinced you to stay.

In all honesty? Ellie probably wouldn’t even have realized you were leaving until it was too late, the girl far too consumed in her little revenge streak to notice the slow but sure disappearance of you, the way the remnants of you slowly began to leave one by one.

It just so happened that on a day that you were packing up some of your boxes, you had left your door cracked open, thinking that Ellie wasn’t home.

She was passing by your room when she heard a soft huff, the sound quickly catching her attention as she slowly walked towards your door, catching sight of the various opened boxes scattered around your room that was already looking sparse due to packing it all the way.

That. That was the straw the broke the camels fucking back.

Because suddenly, Ellie is pushing your door open, the force from her hand making it slam against your wall, the loud sound making you flinch to look over in her direction with wide eyes.

“Ellie?” You question softly.

The sound of her name rolling off your tongue makes a shiver run down her spine, because god….had she missed the way you said it.

Her eyes are angry, eyebrows furrows together as her eyes scan your room, looking at the boxes, your half empty closet, your empty book shelf.

“What the fuck is going on here?” She spits out, her tone making you wince slightly. It’s the first time you’ve heard her speak to you in almost an entire month and it’s so fucking hostile, so pointed.

This really wasn’t how you wanted this to go.

You let out a soft sigh, bringing your palm up to ran along your face as you look down at the boxes as well, heart sinking at the thought of going.

“Look…Ellie…I was planning on telling you…I just-“ she’s quick to cut you off, walking further into your bedroom as her eyes scan the walls, watching as they began to grow emptier and emptier the further in she looked. She scoffs, her green eyes finally landing on yours, her smoldering grip enough to take your breath away.

“Bull-fucking-shit. You weren’t going to tell me anything, and you know that” she argues, nostrils flared as she stares at you with eyes filled with that same glare of hate that you saw every time she’d glaze over you within recent weeks.

And she was right. You had no intention of telling her anything. She would learn that you were gone once you were gone, because that’s what you did.

You always ran.

You let out a sigh of defeat before you step away from her, fully intending on continuing packing. You didn’t want this to stop you, or put anymore obstacles in your way of leaving. This was what you had to do, and you knew that.

“I can’t stay here anymore, Ellie…things are fucked up between us and I just…I won’t deal with it anymore” you mumble out, your voice tired, weak. A clear indication of how you felt towards the entire situation. It was draining you, and you knew that for your own well being, you had to get out.

The sight of you packing as if she wasn’t in your room, trying to figure out why you were leaving, makes her even more upset. It blinds her from your words, from the weakness in your voice, in your appearance. She ignores it because the anger she feels is much easier to indulge in.

"So that's it? You're just gonna leave? Without saying anything to me?" she barks out, her tone making you feel worse than you already do.

And then it all stops, because why the hell are you feeling bad when this isn't even your fault.

You slowly turn to Ellie, your eyebrows furrowed as you stare at her in disbelief, cocking your head to the side slowly before you start to speak.

"Are you listening to yourself right now, Ellie? Do you ever stop to think for one second that not everything is about you?" The tone of your voice is so calm, words so slow and articulated, it barely even sounds like you're mad.

And it scares you, and it scares her.

You don't stop there, you couldn't even if you wanted to.

"This wasn't my idea, none of it was. I agreed to help you because you asked it of me, and I clearly have no fucking sense of boundaries. I get that what I did was wrong, and I shouldn't have left you that morning, but no one is fucking perfect" You defend, your own breath become more shallow the more you speak, your anger and frustration finally rising to the surface.

"This isn't good for me. You aren't good for me, you've been fucking different girls every goddamn night just to hurt me, and you're a fucking liar if you deny it." you spit out, making Ellie wince slightly, yet her eyebrows never unravel from how furrowed they are, and the frown on her lips is still there.

When you said it out loud though, she realized just how bad it was.

"I did it to get your fucking attention...not to hurt you" She barely whispers, staring down at you. You can't help but laugh softly, scoffing at her words before you give her a gentle sigh.

"Oh it got my attention, Ellie. It got it so much, that I can't bare for you to have it anymore..." you mumble out softly before you turn away from her, unable to stare into her eyes for any longer.

"I don't know what happened between us that morning...but I want nothing more than to just..forget about it all" You let out meekly, feeling yourself reduce to that small ball of insecurities once again.

And Ellie finally softens when she sees it, because you never let your guard down this much.

She inhales deeply, taking a step towards you, trying to get closer to you. You don't step back, or flinch, you simply ignore her, carrying on to pack your things as if she wasn't there, standing above you.

"You hurt me too...you know" she mumbled out, her voice finally dropping that hostile tone that she had when she first walked in. You're quick to turn towards her, spinning around to set your eyes that were quickly growing redder by the second.

"And Im sorry!" you shout, your voice going the loudest it had yet, it makes Ellie flinch.

You sigh out tiredly before you bring your hand up to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. "If I could go back and do it differently..I would..but too much has happened, Ellie...I don't..." you trail off, struggling to find the proper words before you sigh softly, finally speaking again.

"I don't see you the same way, anymore" you mumble out.

This makes Ellies heart seize up, because what do you mean by that? What are you trying to tell her?

You move to sit on your knees, you bare legs coming in contact with the cold, wooden floor as you begin packing more things in a different box. There's no more fighting, there isn't anymore arguing, or anger, it's just silent, the occasional sound of your clothes hitting each other when they hit you settle them in the box. You don't even bother to turn around and yell at Ellie, or even tell her to get out.

And maybe thats what's hurting her the most. You never yelled, you didn't cry or beg, you didn't do anything when she knew you heard her, saw her with those other girls. All of them were nothing to her, sorry attempts at trying to grab hold of your attention again, get you to show just a little bit of fucking anger, so that she knew you still felt something for her, so that she knew she still had you.

But it was clear to her with the way that you disregarded her after it all, as if she didn't even matter, that she didn't have you anymore.

Did she ever? Did she ever have a chance with you? Was she all in her head? Were you simply just a good friend? A decent roommate who promised to help her out when she needed help? Was all of it just....

Pretend?

She feels like she's running out of options, because she assumed that if anything, you two would fight and end up in a heated, passionate love making session where you two would admit what you had felt all along.

But Ellie was slowly coming to the conclusion that she was being fucking delusional.

Her decisions didn't let up thought, because soon, she's on her knees next to you, grabbing your wrists gently in her hands and pulling you to face her. She feels her heart break when you refuse, trying to pull away from her grasp, mumbling soft complaints of how you needed to finish packing.

When she finally tugs you a bit harder, forcing you to look at her, she feels the weight of her mistakes finally settle on her chest, because you're crying. Your eyes are puffy and your cheeks are stained, and it's all her fucking fault.

She bites back a whimper, tugging her bottom lip into her mouth as she feel her own throat burn with tears.

"Hey...look at me...come on...where's my pretty girl...come on.." She tries over and over again, voice breaking, making you whimper as you try tugging your arms from her grasp.

"Don't you see how fucked up this is, Ellie? We were just screaming at each other and now...now you're calling me your girl" you plead with her, the words bubbling past your lips as the mere sight of here forces more tears from your eyes, making it harder and harder to talk.

Ellie can't talk her way out of this one, not with you. She knows there isn't much she can do, or say, and she feels like she's all out of options, because you're right. All of this is so fucked up, and it makes her insides burn because she's hurt, and you're hurt, and it feels like there's nothing she can do to fix it.

She does the only thing she feels will work. She kisses you.

It's filled with everything. Passion, longing, happiness, sadness, anger, everything that had been pent up between the both of you is poured into the kiss, and it's enough to make you feel dizzy.

But you don't pull away, you melt into her, just like you always do. She feels it too, feels the way you let you defenses down, taking it as a chance to tug your wrists up and around her neck, her own arms resting on your hips as she pulls you closer, her lips working against yours.

"Im....fuck...im so sorry, baby....never meant to hurt you" She mumbles against you, her words coming out as a breathy sigh against your lips, making you moan softly against her. She pushes her tongue into your mouth, giving your waist a soft squeeze.

"M'sorry too..Ellie....shouldn't have left..." You whine against her, and she's quickly shaking her head, gently tugging you up to stand with her before she's pulling you too your bed.

"Just...lemme take care of you..alright" She hums against your lips before she gently pushes you back to lay on your bed, her own body crawling over yours, resting her weight on your body as she goes back to kissing you.

It's so slow, and sensual, and it feels like the entire world is quiet, like you're fading into her, and she's fading into you, and you both are becoming one. It feels so fucking right, and the hole that had been growing in your chest is finally filling up, the essence that is Ellie slowly acting as the medicine that you needed all along.

Ellie rolls over, gripping your hips and tugging you to straddle her waist as she lays back against your bed. Her green eyes eat you up, strong hands already running along your hips and thighs, giving you a squeeze before her hand creeps up your t shirt, pushing it up a bit before it slips under, grasping your boob and massaging it in her hands.

"Fuck...look at you...missed you so much, pretty girl....you can't even imagine.." She sighs softly under her breath, eager hands roaming your body hungrily, as if they've deprived of you for so long, missing the way your skin spilled out from under her hands, always so responsive for her.

You tug your bottom lip between your teeth as you watch her practically worshiping your body with her hands, a soft whine leaving your lips as you rest your hands on her hips, pushing up her t shirt a bit as your thumbs rub small circle into her pale hips.

Her hands rest on your hips, forcing you to grind down onto her lap, making you whine softly, the feeling her her sweats bunching up right at your core, your cotton pajama shorts leaving much too room to be exposed by her touch.

She sits up, grabbing the hem of your shirt before she tugs it off your body, groaning softly as her lips immediately latch onto your nipple, biting and sucking. You moan softly, arching your back a bit and forcing more of you to her mouth, hands wrapped around her neck, toying with the hair at the nape of her neck.

Ellie pushes you back, resting you to lay down before she tugs your pajama shorts and panties off in one go. You promptly spread your legs for her, letting her settle between them, the small gesture making her groan, her strong hands gripping your thighs, grinding against your bare pussy.

"Fuck...such a good girl for me..." she sighs softly against your lips.

You whine, reaching down and tugging at her own pants, fumbling with the waistband of her shorts that hung oh so fucking low.

"Off..wanna feel you.." You moan softly against her, resulting in a soft chuckle from her. She presses one last kiss to your lips before she nods.

"Whatever you want baby...fuck" she mumbles softly under her breath when she pulls back to start tugging her own clothes off, catching a glimpse of your soaking wet pussy and naked body in the dim light of your room.

She looks so fucking desperate, nearly tripping over her sweats as she tugs them off, tossing them somewhere else in your room. It's like she can't get the clothes off quick enough, immediately settling between your legs again once she's naked, groaning softly a the feeling of your pussy against her body.

Her eagerness makes you giggle, and Ellie feels like she's on cloud fucking nine when she hears it, so soft and gentle. She pouts softly, staring down at you while she's already moving to position her pussy over yours, tossing your leg over her shoulder.

"What are you laughing at...hm?" She questions softly, her hips slowly moving against yours as she lets out a soft moan, eyes never leaving yours.

You can barely get the words out, eyes rolling to the back of your head as you feel her slick pussy against yours, clits bumping together in a way that has you nearly salivating.

She chuckles above you, a soft groan following the noise as her lips graze along your calf.

"Thats what I thought...fuck....your pussy is too fuckin good, princess' She moans out softly, her hips moving slowly against yours.

You moan loudly, your hand coming to grip her thigh as you move your hips in tow with hers.

"F-fuck, Ellie....you...that feels so good" you babble out, your other hand gripping the sheets beneath you as she fucks her pussy down onto yours.

Ellie smirks softly as she watches you, watches the way you fall apart beneath her.

"Thats my fuckin girl....you're the only fucking one I need...fuck...." She groans, turning her head a bit to kiss your calf again before her teeth sink into you, biting and sucking your skin, making you moan loudly.

You feel her speed up, hips growing desperate as she chases both hers and your orgasm, making your head spin as your nails dig into her thigh, sure to leave marks in the morning.

"Im....god...Im close Ellie.....fuuuckkkk....dont stop" you gasp out, low, lust filled eyes staring up at her as she continues bullying your pussy with hers, both of your arousal squelching together, making the most explicit noise you've ever fucking heard.

"Come on baby...want you to cum for me...can you do that? Fuck...I feel it too....that's it, pretty girl.." Ellie is babbling too, her lust clouded braun barely uttering words that are comprehensible.

You see her eyes squeeze shut, her moans getting louder and more high pithed, sounding so fucking pretty above you.

You feel like you'll explode, your back arching as the familiar feeling settles in your core, your pussy getting wetter and wetter as you feel your orgasm grow closer.

"A-ah! Ellie!" You scream out as you come undone beneath her.

And she isn't far behind, leaning down and crashing her lips against yours, forcing you to swallow her moans as she cums hard against your pussy, the both of you breathing hard as her hips sputter, pussy sliding around sloppily against yours as she becomes so fucked out, that she loses her rhythm completely.

And just like before, she lays there, on top of you, trying to catch her breath, face tucked against your neck, hands keeping you close, as if you'll disappear in thin air at any given moment.

There's so much going through your head, trying to figure out what it is that happens from here, where you and here go, what steps to take after, all of which come up with blank answers whenever you try to figure out what to do.

You assume she will fall asleep on you as she did before, knock out immediately and leave you to lay there with your plaguing thoughts.

She doesn't, though. You hear a soft hum from her lips, her hands squeeze your waist gently, before she speaks against your neck.

"I love you...so much.." she sighs out, her voice breaking a bit as if shed break down at any given moment.

You aren't sure what you'll do from this point on, but you do know one thing.

You won't run away from Ellie, ever again.

#ellie williams #ellie williams smut #ellie williams x y/n #ellie williams x female reader #ellie williams x you #ellie tlou #ellie x y/n #ellie the last of us #ellie x you

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omiiomiaaus · 11 months

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im sorry... im not sure if you're accepting requests so i just wanted to give u my thoughts (๑˃ᴗ˂)ﻭ

imagine toji cant sleep. why? cuz you're sleeping right next to him and he cant keep his eyes off of u. he might be tired but he's watching as your body moves against his as you breathe and the soft feeling of your bare skin as he mindlessly caresses u. hes listening to your soft snores and he smiles at the drool at the corner of ur mouth.

hes truly head over heels 4 u and all he can think about is how grateful he is for u and how much he wants to protect u from all the bad things hes seen in the world cuz ur his sweet girl forever!! <3

thank u for listening 😌

Toji watching you sleep

This is literally the cutest shit ever oh my god I wish he was mineeeeeeee!!!!!

NOT PROOFREADING BC IM LAZYYYY

Okay so like he’d be tossing and turning until he hears your soft breathing from the other side of the bed. you’re fast asleep probably dreaming about him tbh.

He can’t help but reach over and pull you closer, chest to chest, heart to heart. Your warmth immediately easing his troubled thoughts.

His arms were wrapped firm around your sleeping form. Tired irritated eyes admiring your relaxed expression. He brought his hand to your face, pushing a stray strand of hair from out your face, his fingers ghosting over your cheek.

His fingers were calloused from all the years of having to defend himself with his hands. The same hands that battered and bruised peoples faces were privileged enough to feel your soft untouched skin. Sometimes he felt like his touch wasn’t worthy enough for you. He didn’t want to taint his sweet baby with the hands of someone who’s killed before.

But your love radiated from your heart to his soul, making him selfish, you’re his and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

He’d rather hold you with his corrupted hands than have someone else, someone who could give you a normal life, hold you close like this.

Toji loves to watch you sleep. your beauty never halts for a second, even when you’re blissfully in another world while dreaming. It amazes him more, the fact that you’re unaware of the beauty you possess in such intimate moments like these.

He went from struggling to sleep because of insomnia to willingly depriving his body of rest just to watch you.

To watch the way your chest raises and falls with every deep breathe you take. The way your face twitches, probably a reaction from your dream.

He could watch you all night. He loved you so much he’d whisper it in your ear, gently kissing the top of your head.

The silence brought thoughts into his mind, thoughts of the moments you two shared. Your first kiss, your first date, your first fight. Moments he wouldn’t have wanted to share with anyone else but you. His mind and heart raced a mile per minute. He laid there under your body, hand coming up to rub his face. He looked back down at you, pure love filling his eyes.

His thoughts shifted from questions to statements.

“Does she really want to be with me forever?” “Am I really good enough for her?”

“I’m thinking too much, she’s the one, I’m sure if it, I want her in my life forever.”

Toji was not a man of many words… he kept his thoughts to himself but he’d make it known just how much he loves you. He’d protect you and cherish you for the rest of his life.

“I love you” he whispered into your hair, bringing his arms tighter around your body, stroking your hair. His heart skipped 10 thousand beats when you nuzzled into him like a little cat curling it’s body in its sleep.

It would be early morning by the time he falls alseep, 4am. The birds outside starting to chirp little wake up tunes and his mind would clear, your soft body comforting him. You’re all he needs in life, and he wants to give you the world in return for you just being you.

Man y/n’s so lucky… 😓 my inbox is open for feedback and thoughts but if you send some requests that’s fine too, I’ll get to them whenever I have time sooo if anyone wants to send me some that would be great cause I want to have more posts :) -Omi

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nicksbestie · 2 months

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hi!!! im not sure what kind of prompt tbh but can u pls write a jake webber x agere fem reader fic please🥺

absolutely!!!! i love these reqs so much :)

Naptime

warnings : none

pairing : jake webber/reader (romantic)

word count : 930

Jake was a wonderful person. He was a kind, loving, sweet, considerate human being, and all of that was reflected tenfold in his relationships. He always made sure that his partner felt valued and supported, loved and cared for, and should there ever be a doubt in that, he would do everything that he could to fix it. He took every new adjustment in stride, always being willing to hear out someone else’s side of the story, knowing that while he may not agree, it was important to hear them out. He was someone who always kept an open mind, and because of that, his partners had always felt comfortable coming to him to have conversations about many different things. And you had been no different.

You had been through a lot in a very short amount of life, and because of that, there were a lot of different coping mechanisms you had tried to use to help with everything, but there were very few that actually helped you, and only one that positively influenced your healing. That mechanism was regression. It was a perfect fit for you, as the events that you had been through made you grow up too fast. It gave you an escape, for you to heal the inner child that had been harmed by the years of pain, but it also gave you an innocent space to enjoy quality time with people you trusted. And you were a very lucky little, because your partner had taken the information with an open mind and little to no hesitation.

Your regression wasn’t something you broadcasted to a lot of people, not because you were ashamed of it, but because it was something incredibly personal to you, and you wanted to keep it that way. You didn’t want to run the risk of it becoming tainted in any way, as it truly helped your life for the better. However, when you and Jake really hit it off, you were transparent, and told him exactly what you were looking for. You didn’t think you could handle being in a romantic relationship without your partner being your caregiver, and because of this, when it got serious with Jake, you were open. You still couldn’t believe just how lucky you were to have found such a sweet person that loved you so much. Which was what brought you to this point.

You were cuddled up under Jake’s arms, wrapped up in a soft blanket wearing one of his shirts. A cartoon was playing on the television in front of you both, and his chin was gently resting on the top of your head, periodically placing soft kisses there. You had a small fidget toy clutched in one hand, and a stuffie tucked under your other arm. That was how you had spent the majority of the morning, just having a softer day and relaxing instead of bouncing around and playing a lot. You hadn’t slept too great the night before, and because of that, you were more tired this morning, so Jake did a lot more to help you than he normally did.

You were a very independent little, at least by the standards, because you could do a lot of things for yourself, you just normally didn’t want to. And Jake never minded helping you more, knowing it made you feel smaller, more safe. But today you were too tired to do most of the things that you could normally do alone, so he helped. With simple things like picking out your clothes, lifting you onto the chair at the counter so you could eat breakfast, and even feeding it to you. He was endlessly gentle and kind, and that was reflected in all of his personality, not just when he was caring for you. He made sure that you never felt unloved, not even for a minute.

When lunchtime came around, you walked over to the kitchen, your hands gripping his, and stayed right up against him while he fixed your food. It was always something that could be made quickly, paired with a fruit or a vegetable, and you always got a little treat afterwards. He filled up a sippy cup with juice, and once your food was fixed, he got you situated back on the couch, making sure the coffee table was close enough that you wouldn’t spill anything. And if you did, he’d just clean it up afterwards anyways. It was rare that he let you eat on the couch, knowing that more times than not there would be a mess, but he knew today was a sleepy day and you’d probably want him to feed you anyways.

Once you had finished eating, you curled back up into Jake’s side, and he knew that you were about to fall asleep, probably within the next ten or so minutes. He shut off the tv, picking you up and placing you on his hip before cleaning up the plate and cup, setting them in the sink to wash off when he got the chance. He walked to your shared room, softly laying you down and tucking you in before laying down next to you, letting you curl up in his arms. You were a little who would never fall asleep without your carer there to hold you, and Jake knew that perfectly well. He always enjoyed naptime, considering it a wonderful period of quality time, and he was more than happy to rest with you. The rest of your day was soft and sweet, as it always was.

#johnnie guilbert #johnnie guilbert fanfic #johnnie guilbert x reader #johnnie guilbert fic #johnnie guilbert fanfiction #johnnie and jake #fanfic #jake webber fluff #jake webber fanfic #jake webber fanfiction #jake webber #jake and johnnie #jake webber age regression #caregiver jake webber #jake webber agere #johnnie guilbert age regression #johnnie guilbert agere #caregiver johnnie guilbert

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juyeonszn · 7 months

Text

REFLECTIONS

PAIRING jacob bae x f!reader

WORD COUNT 2.07k

GENRES smut lol

WARNINGS 18+ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT, mature language, fawn writing about jacob bae yet again but i swear this time was necessary!!!, porn without plot but also if u squint there’s a little bit of plot, roommates/best friends with mutual pining, i mixed so many tropes in here tbh, vaginal fingering, unprotected sex (pls be safe), mirror sex, soft? dom!jacob, lmk if i missed anything!

SUMMARY the two times jacob bae derails your saturday night plans.

MORE FAWNTOBER DAY 2 IS A GOOOOO 😈 i’m actually doing pretty well timing wise and as far as im concerned, i’ll actually pull this thing off 😭 anyways.. enjoy!! pls remember to reblog if u liked what u read! and stay tuned for the rest of the fics coming out this month <3

PERM TAGLIST @winterchimez @maessseongs @itsbeeble

If it were up to you, you would just stay home for the evening. You’d kick your feet up into the ottoman and put on a random movie, latched onto Jacob’s side like a little leech. You were lucky your roommate was just as much of a cuddler as you were. It’d be kind of awkward if he wasn’t.

Unfortunately, your Saturday night plans would have to be postponed.

“It’s gonna be fun, N/N, I promise,” he tries to convince you, hands clasped together. “Sangyeon even said he’d pay your tab.”

“But I’m tired, Cobie,” you pout, knowing full well that your puppy dog eyes would always be his weakness, even if he’d never admit it to himself. “I don’t wanna go out tonight.”

He must’ve really been looking forward to going out and meeting up with the guys if not even your guilt-tripping face worked on him. He goes off on a tangent about how you always stay in, and despite loving that to an extent, sometimes he wants to enjoy a night out. You were still confused as to why he didn’t just go by himself. Why did he have to bring you along with him?

It’s not like you were dating or anything. You were just roommates. Really close roommates. Roommates who cuddled every other night. Roommates who often found themselves sleeping in the other’s bed rather than their own. Roommates who were so undeniably attracted to each other but masked it by pretending they weren’t.

Couldn’t you have been sucked into a different trope?

“I just think you’re not giving the idea enough credit,” he raises his hands in surrender. “Besides, wouldn’t you feel left out? Wouldn’t you get major FOMO?”

You sigh. He had a point. Even if you didn’t really want to go clubbing, knowing all of your friends were there without you would make you sad. Imposter syndrome came way too easily for you. “Fine, I guess I’ll go.”

Jacob fist bumps the air, dragging you from the couch to your bedroom so you could start getting ready. He knows you take a while and the arranged meet up time was two hours from the current time. You move as quickly as you can, because even if you were only interested half heartedly, you didn’t want to be late. Especially because Jacob had a knack for constantly being punctual.

You kiss your teeth as you stare at your closet after you’ve finished showering and doing your hair and makeup. You felt like there was nothing good enough to wear. This wasn’t just a bar that you usually frequented, so you couldn’t dress casually. But it also wasn’t so fancy that you had to go over the top either. And for some reason, none of your clothes could fall into the perfect in-between category.

There was one dress.

You hadn’t worn it in a while, mostly because you never found the occasion to and it brought bad memories. It was a confidence booster, that was for sure. A tight black dress that stopped just below your ass and showed the perfect amount of cleavage. The moment you put it on, it’s like you’re a new person.

Staring back at you is someone you haven’t seen in a couple years, someone you shoved into the recesses of your subconscious. She used to party every night until she was black out drunk, making out and sleeping with random strangers until she was satisfied. She was stuck in a loop until she became friends with Jacob Bae, eventually moving in to get away from that lifestyle.

You never tell him how grateful you are. Part of you wishes to keep your past buried, hidden from the light of day so you never have to face your mistakes again. But at the same time, you could never tell him thank you enough. For saving you in a way, for helping you close that chapter of your life.

There’s a knock at your door, and you call out a “Come in” before your brain catches up with you. You make eye contact with Jacob in the mirror, watching his expression shift slightly. It wouldn’t have been noticeable if you were anyone else, but you knew him almost as well as you knew yourself. Maybe better.

He walks up behind you, brushing your hair behind your shoulder with a featherlight touch. “I haven’t seen this one on you in a long time.”

He’s so close to you, it’s kind of driving you crazy. You bite the inside of your lip, trying to keep your voice steady. “Should I wear it?”

His fingers start at your waist, trailing down to the hem of your dress. His knuckles skim across the bare skin of your exposed thigh, provoking your body to shudder. “Hmm, I’m not too sure,” Jacob rests his chin on your shoulder, looking at you through the mirror. “Seeing you in this is making me rethink going out tonight. Kinda wanna keep you here, all to myself, like that night at Hyunjae’s party.”

Okay, so perhaps you might’ve skipped a tiny detail in the retelling of your first encounter with Jacob Bae.

The reason you two became friends was because he actually happened to be one of those random strangers you slept with. It was a stroke of luck that you kept in contact with him after that night, considering he was supposed to be nothing more than a nameless face. But he was cute and he was funny, so when he asked to hang out a few days later you couldn’t help but cave in.

“Jacob…” You breathe, chest rising and falling rapidly. “D-Don’t you wanna see the boys?”

His lips press to the juncture between your neck and collarbone, a soft kiss that already packs your head with cotton. He hums into your skin, hands bunching up your dress around your hips. Someone was impatient. “Not important. We can reschedule.”

You didn’t want to reschedule. You wanted to get out of this apartment, fully clothed, with an excuse to ignore the hammering of your heart in your rib cage and the fluttering down there. If you stayed here any longer, Jacob would successfully charm his way into your pants. (Dress?) And you didn’t want to think about the consequences that may come with.

But it’s not like he gives you much of a choice, invading your headspace with every nip and suck of your jugular and jaw. His slender fingers run a line down the front of your panties, a small groan leaving the back of his throat when he feels how wet you are for him. With heavy eyelids, you watch the entire thing in the mirror, lips parting with a gasp at the sight.

“Fuck, baby,” he curses in your ear, pulling you backward so the two of you are sitting on the edge of your bed, still facing your mirror. “You want me just as bad don’t you?”

You whine, squirming as he dips his fingers into the waistband of your underwear, collecting your slick and smearing it all over your lower lips. He helps you shimmy out of your panties and dress, leaving you completely nude for him. His fingers resume their previous activities, easily pumping the ring and middle digits in and out of your cunt. His free hand grips your jaw, forcing you to keep your eyes on his movements.

“Cobie,” you whimper, spreading your legs wider to give both of you a better view. “Feels so good…”

His thumb circles your clit, mouth beside your ear to whisper all the filthy things he wants to do to you. Your toes curl at the same time his fingers do, brushing that sweet spot in your pussy. A strangled moan escapes you as you hit your climax, walls tightening around his fingers and back arching into his chest.

“That was so hot. You did so well for me,” he praises, thumb rubbing lazy patterns into your clit to bring you back down. “I just need you to do that on my cock. Can you do that for me, baby?”

“Mhm,” you nod, hands reaching behind yourself to free him from his jeans, fumbling with the button and zipper in your haste. “Need you inside of me already.”

You hope Jacob doesn’t have high expectations for you since you came so quickly with just his fingers. You’re not sure if he’s anticipating you to last longer with his cock. From what you remember, he wasn’t the longest, but he was definitely the thickest, and that’s what scared you the most. You were afraid of how full he’d make you feel.

Once the clothes from his bottom half are removed, you risk a glance at his dick in the mirror, your pussy clenching around nothing. Despite not knowing if you’d be able to take him without turning into a blubbering mess, you really wanted to try. You wanted him to fill you up like a plug in a bathtub drain.

He takes his girth in one hand, sliding his dick through your folds languidly, lubricating himself with the wetness of your cunt. He groans in your ear again, squeezing your hip to steel himself. “You ready for me?”

Your head bobs up and down quickly, patience wearing thin. He chuckles before impaling you on his cock, both of you moaning from the feeling of one another. The stretch burns, but it’s fucking heavenly, your pussy feeling so stuffed you can barely think. (Not that your thoughts were coherent beforehand anyway.)

“You’re— oh god, Jacob— you’re s-so deep,” you mewl, hands supporting yourself on his thighs. “I feel so full.”

He keeps his grip on your waist, fucking up into you as slowly as he can as to not disrupt your adjustment to his cock. Your head lolls back onto his shoulder, lips parted with a gasp every time he thrusts into your tight pussy. He shakes his head, urging you to stay upright.

“I need you to keep your eyes on the mirror, baby. Watch me fuck you until you can’t take it anymore.” Jacob commands, voice as deep as his dick inside of you.

You comply, hooded eyes nearly rolling to the back of your head when you take in the sight of him bouncing you on his cock. Your nails dig into his skin, lip splitting from the force in which you’re biting it. He looks so hot, focused on getting you both to that peak you desperately need to reach.

It’s such a stark contrast to the sweet Jacob Bae you’re used to, this one pounding into you without mercy, eyebrows knitted together in concentration. That first time you had sex, years ago, was pretty vanilla thanks to you both having a little too much to drink that night. You don’t even think you remembered most of it. Had you known he was such a freak, maybe you wouldn’t have pretended your attraction to him was nonexistent. Maybe this would’ve happened a lot sooner.

You don’t dwell on that regret much longer, Jacob yanking your attention back in by rubbing your clit with his middle finger. The amount of overstimulation fogs your vision, voluminous, pornographic level moans reverberating around the room. The words bubbling past your lips don’t make any sense, reduced to babbling until an encouragement is uttered into your ear.

“Cum on my cock, sweetheart,”

A cry is ripped from your vocal cords, your body writhing above him and continuing even after he’s orgasmed inside of you, fucking his cum into your cunt as he calms you down. You whimper when he grasps your jaw once more, egging you on to stare at the mixture of your cum running down your legs.

You both look absolutely feral, skin sticky with sweat and chests heaving up and down as if you’d ran a marathon. Jacob makes no move to pull out, leaving open mouthed kisses on your neck, back and shoulders. Your eyes flutter shut as a wave of exhaustion rushes over you.

“I think you’re pretty close to succeeding in your mission,” you say hoarsely. “I can hardly function right now.”

He laughs, such a melodic sound it almost doesn’t belong in your current setting. “Yeah? Do you wanna help me pass it?”

And in spite of being on the brink of passing out, who are you to deny such a promising offer?

#the boyz #the boyz x reader #the boyz smut #tbz #tbz x reader #tbz smut #the boyz jacob #tbz jacob #jacob bae x reader #jacob bae smut #jacob x reader #jacob smut #juyeonszn #fawntober.2023🎃

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goatcheesecak3 · 7 months

Note

HIII HI HI HI I LOVE YOUR WORKS AND I WANTED TI REQUEST SOMETHING WITH RODRICK?? okay so my idea is that rodrick and the reader are neighbors, aaand so one of them sneaks out to go to the others house (doesnt matter who tbh!) and they js cuddle fir a bit HLEP IDK IM BAD AT THIS anyways thats alll!!! sorry for the long ass thing 💔💔

Hello! I firstly, thank you so much for saying you enjoy my other stuff! And thank you for the suggestion :^) I'll admit, I've tweaked the idea ever so slightly, but it's still very much a cuddly Rodrick as your neighbour story, so I'm sure you'll enjoy :^)

Happy reading!

It was a cold autumn evening, you had the house to yourself and the heating on full blast. Despite the bitter chill outside, the radiator in your room was enough to render heavy pjs useless, so instead you wore shorts and a tank top. The air was still and the house was quiet, it was the perfect opportunity to get some reading done. You reclined in your bed, far away in your own world - until the peace was disturbed. You became aware of a furious banging coming from outside, and upon looking out the window toward your neighbours house, it was revealed that the source of this disturbance was your neighbour, Rodrick. He was rapping on the door with a sense of urgency, occasionally blurting out "I'll remember my keys next time I swear".

You watched inquisitively, wondering where this would go, until a second noise caught your attention, that of an upstairs window flinging open. A man's head poked out, you recognised this man as Frank Heffley, the father of Rodrick. Frank began to shout down to him,

"I've told you a million times, bring your keys or you'll be locked out"

Then you heard Rodrick's protest

"I know, but you can't seriously expect me to stay outside all night, it's FREEZING"

"sleep in your van then"

And with that the window slammed shut.

You watched as Rodrick kicked the gravel in the driveway, as he made his way back to his van, head hung in a defeated sulk. You knew Rodrick quite well, he was pretty much the posterchild for the phrase "Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity" - he was a couple sandwiches short of a picnic but he wasn't a bad guy. He got himself in trouble a lot, but it never really seemed to be intentional. You found yourself taking pity on him and before you knew what was happening you were opening your window and leaning out.

"Psssst! Rodrick, up here"

He turned on his feet, glancing around him with a bewildered expression until his eyes landed on you.

"What is it?" He asked

"Go to the door, I'll let you in"

He nodded.

You hesitantly opened the front door, in your thin pjs you felt the cold air smite you.

"Come in, quick, it's freezing"

Rodrick obliged.

"I saw what went down out there. Pretty rough"

"Yeah, " he grumbled, "sleep in your van" he mimicked his father, "can you believe that?"

All too suddenly you felt a nurturing instinct that you didn't know you had, and reached out to take Rodrick's frosty hands inbetween your own.

"Oh sweetpea, you're freezing! You can stay here tonight, come on let's get you warmed up."

Rodrick smiled as if to say thank you, and let himself be lead upstairs to your room. He watched curiously as you rummaged through a drawer, before emerging holding a pair of red checkered men's pyjamas bottoms.

"Lucky for you, I've always got some men's pjs knocking about somewhere, they're so much cheaper than women's" you chuckled, handing them to him

"Aw man, thank god for that. I really didn't feel like sleeping in skinny jeans, " he joked back.

You left the room to give him some privacy while he changed, and returned once he'd let you know he was decent.

Rodrick looked more than adorable in pyjamas, with his tatty little Avenged Sevenfold shirt and his sleepy eyes, hugging himself to try and warm up.

"Still cold?" You asked gently

Rodrick nodded shyly, "I was out there for about a good hour before I stopped calling and just started banging on the door."

"An hour?! Oh honey you must have caught a chill" you cooed, walking over until you were stood right in front of him. Staring affectionately into Rodrick's big brown eyes, which had seemed to triple in size as a result of your sympathy, you placed a warm hand on his cold red cheek.

Rodrick winced slightly, the warmth stinging his face

"Let's get you under a blanket okay sweetheart?"

"Yes please" he nodded with a sheepish smile.

You lifted up the duvet and patted the bed, inviting him to make himself at home.

He accepted the offer without hesitation, wrapping the duvet around himself and curling into a ball. You smiled at him, he looked so sweet all scrunched up with his messy hair. You gave his hair a gentle ruffle, and were about to leave him be and go sleep on the sofa, when you felt a hand grab your arm.

"Where are you goinggggg" whined Rodrick sleepily.

"You want me to stay?"

"Mhm" he mumbled, nodding his head without opening his eyes.

"Alright honey, I'll stay," you smiled, climbing into the bed with him.

Rodrick immediately shuffled over to you, nuzzling his face into your chest and making happy grumbling noises.

You draped an arm over him, tenderly rubbing his back just to generate a little bit of heat.

"Can you do that thing with my hair again please?" He murmured

"Of course baby" you replied, hearing the smile in your own voice.

As you lay there, softly stroking his unruly hair, Rodrick's sleepy hums gradually became quiet snores.

"Night, big guy" you whispered, even though you knew he wouldn't hear you.

And with that, you turned out your lamp and let the rhythm of Rodrick's breathing lull you to sleep.

A/n this is the first fic I've written in YEARS, so sorry if I'm a little rusty lol. Hope u enjoyed regardless :^)

#rodrick #diary of a wimpy kid #doawk #rodrick rules #rodrick heffley #diary of a wimpy kid rodrick #rodrick hefflei #rodrick headcanon #doawk rodrick #rodrick fanfic #rodrick x y/n #rodrick x reader #rodrick fluff #fluff #fluff fic #fluff fanfic #fluff fanfiction

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catgirlbussy · 10 months

Text

im gonna do a lil sadpost, as a treat. if u dun wanna read that or interact or anything there's no harm done <3 it kinda feels nice sayin stuff into the void tbh, cause i know as i look out ill always see myself at minimum, and im still thankful. im alive. if someone can relate or whatever then thats a neat bonus ★

I'm not super sure how to formulate these thoughts, cause lots of it is just incompressible /feeling/. I've been on HRT for close to two years now, and modifying my internal physical landscape alongside the work I put in with the ways I've learned sharing benefit so far, like therapy and self-directed exploration of my emotions and the simple but vital practice of being more open with others about how I'm feeling, has uncovered a lot.

It's been overwhelmingly positive in so many ways. I don't have any regrets for starting this set of changes, even with full knowledge of the difficulties I've had rise as a result and that more are on the horizon, and also full awareness in that I will need to continue putting in the *good* work to care for myself and learn how to navigate the parts in my mind I'd kept hidden or obscured for so long. It's not /bad/, I feel so grateful to have this opportunity at all and I feel bounteous joys in this trove of beautiful experiences that, up 'till not too long ago, I never thought I'd be able to experience -- though I absolutely still dreamed of having them so vividly.

I have a lot of good graces in my life re: my transition. In a lot of ways I feel I've been exceedingly lucky. Canada has its fair share of problems without a doubt, but I also know full well there are a lot more places on our planet where it's much more difficult to be openly trans, let alone dangerous or lethal. I don't take that as an opportunity to rest, either, because having cracks forming in the firmament, letting in light to my dream of a world where trans experiences are accepted (and to note most thoroughly, I'm learning more of a lot of cultures in days gone by, /including some aspects of my own heritage/, having extended gender representations ingrained in their societal norms, some as far even to revere the dynamic and unique experience of existing beyond the gender binary in whatever way they saw as such) for **everyone** spurs in me an even deeper and impassioned drive to work in the ways I'm able to foster communication and connection while rebuking hostility so more and more beautiful, valid trans folks can experience respite and respect and safety as well.

I'm not wanting necessarily to change minds and upend the posture of society with this particular post, though, and so I hope you'll forgive me in my expressing my small, localised set of emotions in this moment. At the root of everything I experience I'm starting to get better at reminding myself that I'm a valid *individual person* in addition to being a contributor in the push for good and kindness for all.

It's probably telling that I feel the need to offer ~4 paragraphs as a disclaimer that I spend time learning about the global scale and am effortful in enacting progress there before just getting on with what I'm even feeling sad about. I don't see myself as a holy martyr for being nervous about expressing myself, but it seems more and more common evidently rather than by my hypothesis alone that many trans individuals would get by prior to exploring their gendered identity with burgeoning self-acceptance with a marked self-exclusionary behaviour when it came to opening themselves to emotional experience, regardless of any given instance being gendered or not. Until it becomes unmanageable, it feels easier to lock away senses of joy, sadness, etc. cause you can keep gettin on by in a sort of functional state and you tell yourself thats enough.

This is far from the worst thing I've come across so far, but I am feeling confused and the confusion is unique in its own way to the extent that I'm not even able to pin down how I /feel/ about feeling it. At its heart I can't seem to muster the right formulation of words to explain to others these particular experiences I'm having in my transition. Painting in broad strokes can be such disservice to the nuance for any individual's cluster of experiences, but tumblr if anything *for me* has brought much happiness in finding threads of commonality with others. Stark contrasts to my feelings of loneliness and seclusion from the world around me give me so much hope. I'm writing this partly in hopes that there is another one of those threads people might appreciate seeing. I do more than my fair share of journaling, but this one feels special and worth sharing right now, and so decadently I write these words for a community beyond myself.

To be blunted, perhaps I might phrase it by saying 'i feel sad about being happy.' It's that sort of absurdist perspective that helps me wrap my head around it a little better with how little sense it makes to my normal machinations. I'm not sad that I am having these new and thrilling experiences of adding or or changing parts of myself to live in the way I best see fit for who I am, but I feel sad because I don't know how to.

I get locked up at the slightest things. Someone compliments my nails, and its so hard to communicate efficiently the impossibly depthed importance this literally surficial act has for me. They aren't even painted well, but I painted them /myself/, I felt catharsis in exploring my love of artistic expression in the choice of colours, I rode high on the thrill of watching this new skill form in my own hands. The coat is uneven and I can't quite keep myself from getting knicks in places as they dry yet and I'm still practicing the nail care associated with maintaining healthy and resilient nails, but if I can be so bold to say, god forbid women do anything.

This person obviously wasn't chastising me for partaking in a traditionally "femininely-associated act", let alone that so thoroughly most things people take for gendered in no way innately are, the whole binary supposition is a damned myth. But because of how I was brought up and the mindset I was taught to have before I fought to think for myself instead, this was a joy I'd always admired but felt I was abhorrent for wanting to partake in. Absolutely anyone who feels otherwise can irrevocably go fuck themselves if they aren't willing to examine the falsity of the foundational thoughts they 'think' they have leading them to ever want someone to abstain from such a viscerally unobstructive and innocuous form of self exploration and creativity bexause it's "for girls". This goes for anything. For anyone. Idc who you are or what label you wanna use at any given moment, go explore. Live life. God fuck do we need people to just experience joy in some ways so we aren't so incorrigible and hostile towards eachother.

But you don't stop whoever took 15 seconds out of their say to mention to you they like the colour and wanted you to know to discurse at length upon the structural bastardisation of who people are allowed to be, cause more than any of that I just want to feel happy about it.

I literally stutter out whatever form of thanks my malformed emotionally-communicative faculties can muster in this surprise and try not to start sobbing in the grocery store aisle or whatever. It's so /good/, and it's so frustrating that I don't even know how to just process and appreciate that it is.

I was so much an absentee in my own bodied self that I could not fathom an understanding of what gender euphoria was until it snuck up smashed me in the teeth. I didn't have any basis of understanding for what it was really like to be happy about some part of myself.

Despite my loneliness I have still had the experiences of friendships, people caring about me, and relationships where a partner genuinely appreciated parts of me, physical, mental, emotional, whatever. More now than ever I am having those experiences as I learn to come out of my cloister inside my head. But this time I'm not just numb to everything. Sure, as I'm learning to not just be unilaterally numb until my bastion of self-isolation fails and I break there is abundance of pain, but the pain I honestly prefer. It's more vivid than it's ever been before, but I can benchmark that I'm still alive by its contrast to neutrality. It's familiar, and my mechanisms of clutching my emotions into my soul can still carry me forward as I try to figure things out. But fuck me is it ever hard to have a happy experience and not know how to communicate that it tore my sense of stability in those moments to shreds. To lose the composure that carried me for so many years because someone sought to share something with me they thought I'd appreciate because they care about me feels so counterproductive to just enjoying the absolute gift that experience is.

Abstractly, as I'm wont to do to a remarkably self-apparent fault, I can tell myself that these things take time. Human emotion is so complex, and its panoply of shifting lights glinting as the facets move their positioning relative to the light of being alive is what drives me to do art, and it always has been, contradictory so fully to my desire to lock everything away. I can't circumnavigate multiple decades of trauma and be free and unfettered in my senses in an instant just because I'm aware it's possible. And so I try so fucking hard not to just sit down and cry in that grocery store aisle, cause it hurts so bad to be happy.

How dare I find glints of good in the polluted landscape we live in. But that mindset helps nothing. People striving to live amidst turmoil is what makes life worth living. There will always be strife, but there will always be the possibility for hope alongside it.

Without fail, each night I'll self-soothe myself into a mode of somewhat-restfulness imagining what it would be like to trust myself enough to be imperfect and let someone hold me. It's the only thing I do anymore. It even backfires sometimes and I just waking-dream my way through countless blissful scenarios about what it would be like if that cute girl I've been starting to become friends with mentioned she wanted to hold my hand for hours until the sun comes up and I know I won't have any sleep at all. It's so goddamn worth it. I revel in it, because at least in the theatre of my mind I can find small ways of letting myself feel those joys. They aren't really happening. It's my own hand rubbing a thumb gently along my collarbone in a faux affection. But it's the only way I've found that's not so obstructively blinding in intensity for me to practice what it would be like to be close to others.

I still lose my sense of self so often. I find bruises from where I bumped into things and wholesale didn't notice until the tiredness sets in and I can't autonomously ignore how sore I am. I dive effortlessly into the placid waters of dissociation when someone gives me a hug, despite that being what I have dreamed of for so many years during my self-imposed isolation. Someone tells me they like an art piece I've made and I stopper any sense of pride or appreciation for their kind words despite pouring however much time channeling my slowly uncoiling understanding of reality into every particle of it and wishing that my experiences could convey any amount of any feeling whatsoever to another living being with the entirely selfish act of wanting that I feel like I had a real connection.

I can't get by with chainsmoking and shelf-set pain medications and blind ignorance any more. I can't ignore how badly I want to feel. I am figuring it out instant by instant and it scares me horribly. One day my yearnings for closeness will be actualised because I'll be ready to open when they come. My selfsense-extracted mutterings of the hypothetical joys of being pressed down into sheets and kissed because someone deigned to gift me with attention for they hold appreciation of this newly forming, ill-configured, but ultimately revelatory feminine self I'm becoming will no longer be fiction and prose but the rawness of experience that I, once, and then more, can lose myself into without terror thay I'm inadequate and never truly worth it. Someone will touch my breasts and love me for loving them myself and I'll give in to the annihilating instant where I am no longer a sense of self but just am. This body is not me but my, and I will scrape and fight however I can muster to live vicariously thru it because that is what I am meant to do by being here alive at all. If anything ever again I want to feel what love is like.

I'm not even reading this back to see if it conveys properly let alone makes sense at all. I'm exhausted and in so much pain. If you read this, thanks, and, if you can, go hug someone you love today.

#acceptance #love #kindness #affection #expression #long post #tldr #hope #trans #transgender #trans femme #trans girl #transition #hrt #hormones #mtf #pride #self love

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mythicalmyles · 1 year

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MYTH! Its been awhile! How are you doing? Btw im doing great!

Can i req something about like reader getting fucked stupid by a perverted and horny killer while he's walking through the woods? Like reader and his friends were just having a stroll in the woods and they end up splitting ways and reader got lost, his friends were trying to call him but he seems to left his phone in his house so they decide to look for him but they end up saw him butt naked and someone fucking him from behind!

You can choose any kinks if you want! I wont mind (Tbh your kinks and writings are the best!! And you never fail to make my day the best!!)

I hope toby is oke 🥺

Blackmail, dubcon, public, sub/bottom reader, violent, dark themes, quicky

(Name) let out an exasperated sigh as he stun in a circle, trees filling his vision. He began hating them, the dark beginning to freak him out now he was completely alone.

He paused as he spotted a hooded figure, heart beating faster. He quickly made his way to the figure assuming it was one of his friends, however dread filled him when a masked face turned to him. They stared at each other for a moment before (Names) shaky voice broke the silence. “I-if this is a joke, its not fu-funny.” He stuttered out, trying not to bolt.

Almost tauntingly the figure tilted its head, the size and build of him being unfamiliar and sending raw fear into (Names) stomach. Before (Name) could even draw another breath he was slammed against a tree, vision dancing as the bark scraped his skin. All he could do was choke out a rasp before an arm pressed against his throat, holding him into the tree. His vision started blurring as he stared into goggle covered eyes.

White fear flooded (Names) head as he gazed at the other man, stomach twisting with fear. All (Name) could do was whimper. “You wanna live?” (Name) nodded rapidly, the mans arm limiting his movements. “You make me cum, you get to live.” (Name) bit his lip, nodding again as he stared into the others eyes. “Toby, you’re gonna remember it.” (Name) shivered as he was turned around, Toby’s hands leaving indents in his hips.

“Pretty little thing, shouldn’t be out here all alone. There’s bad men out here, your lucky i found you.” Toby’s voice was laced with psychopathy, his tone almost gleeful as he made quick work of your jeans. He used (Names) own belt to bind his arms together behind his back, laughing when he voiced his discomfort. “Don’t worry princess, you’ll be just fine.” Was all the warning he got before Toby’s cock began pushing against his hole. A loud groan left (Name) as Toby slid into him, only his spit as lube.

Toby wasted no time before sliding out only to slam back in, a fiendish grin coating his cheeks as he listened to (Name) scream. Toby knew he wouldn’t have much time, not doubting for a moment that others heard it and would come looking. The thought didn’t stop Toby, rather seeming to spur him on as he set an almost brutal pace. All (Name) could do was moan, he could barely think as Toby’s cock split him open.

Toby stumbled back from the tree, pulling (Name) with him, continuing his thrusts ever moan he drew from the smaller spurring him on. His hand wrapped around (Names) neck and it wasn’t long before Toby’s hand was soaked in drool. The sudden appearance of three guys threw him for a moment, a dangerous smirk quick to slap over his face. He purposely sped up his thrusts as (Name) babbled, trying to explain himself. Toby’s murderous glare was quick to make them leave, the feeling of (Names) tight ass wrapped around his cock drove him insane, arms wrapping around him and gripping him tightly as he dove his cock into the (h/c). “Thats it pretty boy, all your friends just watched you get fucked. Bet you liked it, whore.” Despite the venom and hate in Toby’s words it didn’t stop (Name) screaming his name one last tome before falling into his arms, allowing the brunet to do as he pleased.

(Names) body ached as Toby rode out his orgasm, his large hands felt like they were going to crush him. Lucky for (Name) Toby came quick, pulling out and watching him drop. Toby’s empty eyes stared down at him. “You’ve probably got five minutes before the others are here and they cut that pretty throat open.” (Names) eyes doubled as he stared back at Toby, stomach going woozy at the sight of his smirk.

(Name) took a deep breath before rushing into a sprint, ignoring the burn at the bottom of his spine and the ghost of Toby’s hands crushing his hips.

#ticci toby #ticci toby x reader #ticci toby x malereader #ticci toby x male!reader #ticci toby x male reader #bottom male readee #creepypasta #creepypasta x reader #creepypasta x male reader #creepy pasta x reader #creepypasta x male!reader #creepy pasta x male!reader #creepy pasta x male reader #creepypasta x malereader #creepypasta x male #myfic

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sukunasweetheart · 2 years

Text

Headcanons for sukuna as a volleyball player - idk if i wanted this to be set during highschool or not so i guess it'll be kinda generic or all over the place haha,, dedicated to @luvkun4 my love, who likes haikyuu and sukuna so its a perfect combo for her

warnings; NSFW, throat fucking, rough and angry sex, degradation, femme reader, youre kinda his pocket pu$$y but also his sweet gf, minor angst but with happy end -- this wouldve been a good fic but i dont have the energy for a fully written fic nowadays, im alr working on a billion rn

edit; THIS ENDED UP BEING SO LENGTHYY sorry, i wanted to add in the drama

right.. idk from where i should unpack this

we all know... sukuna would be competitive as fuck.

i know for a fact that he hates losing so much

which is what makes him such a good player tbh, the balls not gonna touch the ground as long as hes around

he’s a wing spiker, and definitely the ace (cough, totally not inspired by this gorgeous fanart)

hes so mean and arrogant but is willing to demonstrate teamwork in order to win and so theres obvious respect between him and his teammates

uraume is the manager, tho its clear that they favour sukuna the most pff

sukunas such a powerful player, no one can beat him one on one and hes so sexy when hes playing seriously

volleyball sukuna and his fuckin horse cock, u bet u wanna get wrecked by his shii

problem is, i cant find a creative way of how yall first met

idk, probably through mutual friends, out in a big group at a restaurant ?? maybe you hooked up with him afterwards and you both caught feelings for each other

yeah something along those lines

anyway ofc seggs after matches are a regular thing haha

its almost an expectation that you come to see his games now

here comes the smut smut smut

vb sukuna would totally drag you into the unisex bathrooms so you can “help him relax” right before the game starts...

nothing like cumming down your throat to get him all warmed up

and youre such a whore for him, you can never say no bc YOU DONT WANT TOOO <3

even tho you make a fuss about the icky floor pfft, he grunts and lays a bunch of toilet paper for u to kneel on, what a gentleman

his soft groans as he lodges his thick cock into your warm mouth, and then pushing your head down to go even deeper

the pleasures just too great, the thrilling mixture of being in a public toilet right before a big match, fucking your tight throat raw

and your teary eyes, fluttering your lashes up at him with a mouthful of dick, he could laugh from how adorable you look

after hes done spurting stringy thick ropes of his seed down your esophagus hes just: “thanks babe... you sucked the nerves right outta me.”

and you know its bullshit bc hes smirking in that sarcastic way, and its a fact that sukuna doesnt know what it feels to be nervous!!!

lucky for you, he treats you better than anyone else - he wipes your mouth and kisses you before parting ways with you

likes to give you another smirk once he finds you amongst the audience

its crazy how much energy he still has after games

on the rare occasions when his team loses... oh boy

100% takes his frustration out using sex

just thinking abt the simmering anger...practically throws you onto his bed

pins your body down and slamming into you with his whole body weight

ruins you so bad, bruises and bites literally everywhere

but like... you’re into that shit

butterflies in stomach whenever the other team ends up winning

“ugh...fuckin’ squeezing me like that... you don’t want me to stop, do you?”

“maybe you like it when i lose a game. what a whore.”

“sukuna...sukuna, too bi-big..”

“oh? and you’d think this cunt would be pretty used to it by now,” he responds cockily. it turns you on when he uses such vulgar language.

spills so many loads into you, youre like a cream filled donut by the end

spanks you too, handprints on your ass and all - omg imagine the strength as a vb player

the aftercare is nice, usually he brings you to the bath immediately and check you out if you need ointment applied to your skin or vice versa

but it wouldnt be surprising if he got lazy with it on some days, especially after an exhausting game, having sex on top of that is gotta be tough

also he spends a lot of time training and practicing, which adds to your loneliness

sometimes you overthink it and feel like youre just being used, but instead of communicating it, you just act more sensitively around him

and vb sukuna sucks at picking up the small cues, so he just thinks youre being unreasonable

the two of you get into a pretty heated argument which ends with you storming off one time

theres a bit of silent treatment going on, but then afterwards you start talking with him “normally” again

theres an obvious distance growing between you and him, and your attitude is colder than it used to be. sukuna thinks its something thatll pass sooner or later

but then you text him, saying that you wont be able to come and see his game

thats not right. hes had a few fights with you before, but you’ve never skipped out on coming to watch him like this, ever.

but being a prideful tsundere he is, he just replies with a “do whatever you want” before chucking his phone off to the side (which he checks later again, to see if you said anything more after that. you didnt.)

on the day of the match, hes constantly checking the crowd if youre there

its not like *glance* he cares *glance* about you coming *glance* or anything *glance*

his mates raise eyebrows and tell him to focus properly and hes never looked scarier lmao

they won in the end, but the taste of victory isnt the same

the group wants to celebrate and go to some restaurant to eat but he skips out and goes home alone

and when he opens his door to an empty and dark living room, he cant shake off the feeling of uneasiness in the pit of his stomach

totally doesnt google search “signs of an incoming breakup”

feels worse afterwards

eats a nice and nutritious meal he cooked for himself, but it tastes kinda like cardboard

i said previously that sukuna doesnt know what feeling nervous is, but now he does, hes terrified youre gonna pull the breakup card on him, he wont know how to deal with that

he has a feeling that if he doesnt do something about this now, he will lose his chance forever

sukuna calls you but you dont pick up

he finds his way to your front door and rings the bell, and you call out from the other side asking him what he wants from you

“why didnt you pick up any of my calls? i want to talk.”

he hates how whiny he sounds.

you crack open the door ever so slightly, so only one of your eyes are visible to him

“about what?”

“about... this. about us.”

“...you’ve been crying. let me in.”

he gently pushes open your door and you stand out of the way, letting him

...and he starts with an apology. about saying mean things to you during the argument, about acting like he doesnt care when he does (he cares so much abt you that it drives him mad), pretending not to notice how upset you were

you watch him sternly, but end up bursting into tears bc youre so relieved he came out and admitted to his faults, and that theres hope for this relationship

youre bawling as he pulls you into his arms, and you confess that not going to see him and treating him coldly was the hardest thing youve ever done in your life

sukunas so relieved you still feel deeply for him, and simultaneously upset bc youre upset

you reveal that youve been feeling neglected, feeling like he only liked you for your body, and you too, apologise for not communicating that and acting sensitively instead

hes appalled, calls you an idiot but then retracts that statement and denies ever having thought in that way

the two of you snuggle up so close together in your bed, communicating and chatting and catching up for hours while he occasionally eyes the mountain of used tear-filled tissues in your room, rather concerned

for a while, he doesnt initiate sexual activity unless you specifically want it bc he wants to prove he likes spending quality time with you just as much <3

and when sex does eventually happen, he makes it very romantic and meaningful, with proper aftercare, continuously whispering “i love you,” throughout

and he shall do anything to have you keep loving him back.

some general stuff with vb sukuna:

mad tall. i wont give an exact number but anywhere between 195 - 200cm tall :>

mad horny. hes like an animal

hes such a big eater,, i mean, i see sukuna as a big eater in any au but this one in particular bc hes an athlete haha

u probably make protein shakes for him and stuff, but hes not rly on a strict diet or anything, he just eats anything and everything

has a lotta fangirls >:( but he ignores them now, after he met you >:) but before, he probably played around a lot and hooked up with some >:( he never liked any of them to stick around, tho >:) except you >:)

goes on morning runs, at like 6am and gives u a kiss on the cheek beforehand

is so fucking touchy clingy, always needs you on his lap, hands under your skirt or shirt

the last guy who tried to hit on you got a nosebleed, getting hit with a volleyball (its so funny, he changed his aim mid-spike during a practice match)

haha he was sent to the bench for that one (everyone was chuckling behind their hands)

the headband was given to him by you, bc he once complained abt having to gel his hair every morning + gel doesnt keep his hair in shape when hes sweating excessively

thats all for today <3 thanks for reading

Masterlist

tagging; @yuujispinkhair @moonchild-artemisdaughter @skunaskitten

#sukuna x reader #sukuna x you #sukuna x y/n #ryomen sukuna x reader #ryomen sukuna x you #ryomen sukuna #sukuna #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk x you #jjk x y/n #sukuna smut

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l0viez · 1 year

Text

₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ. Genshin Impact Characters as Younger Sibilings!

Ft ; Klee, Diona, Sayu, Chongyun, Thoma, Dori ! ♡

* Im sorry in advance for making this long:')!

💥Klee ! ;

Being klee's older sibling,,, Is quite a adventure!

Whenever Albedo or Alice or maybe both leave you to babysit klee

You would have a "who wants to be a billioner" mindset

"(N/N)! Let's go fish blasting there's plently of fishes out right now!!"

Bascally inside your mind :

A.) Go and agree with Klee

B.) Say No and tell her to do it another time

C.) Play dead

D.) Tell her to play something else that doesn't include any.. bombs!

It depends on your mood tho tbh

like if your mad or upset at something you would accept klee's fish blasting idea no hestation

then jean founds out and you both gets in the confinement room

Whenever klee finds you crying or upset about something she would offer dodoco to you !

you can have dodoco until you feel better , her words not mine

sometimes whenever you both go on a adventure and she gets too tired

you would piggyback carry her back to your house<3!

Tbh you and klee's sibiling relationship is mostly a partner in crime

Whenever klee bombs something you would take the blame for it so she wont get in trouble

and if you "accidently" did something bad for example uhm slap someone (LMAO)

Klee would take the blame for it instead

Jean would be so tired bc of you both /jk

Imagine this ; You protected klee because of a suprise attack from a abyss mage and klee panicked and threw one of her bombs and it hitted you

which leads you both to this situation ;

Barbara giggling because of your antics while patching you up and Jean scholding you both, Klee explaining her best what happened with crocodile tears while hugging you from the side and you just sitting there sweatdropping also trying to explain what happened

" (Y/N) is the very very very very very very very best bro/sissy klee could ever ask for !! they would always always try to keep klee out of trouble and would even talk their way to let us go fish blasting !! Who wouldn't have a sibiling like her!! they would even give me homemade cookies whenever klee behaved well!! Don't worry traveller once we meet again klee will make sure to ask (Y/n) to give me extra cookies for you to try!:DD"

🍧Diona ! ;

Your either diona's favorite person or diona's least favorite person/hj

theres no in between

(She also gives me overprotected little sister vibes but she pretends shes not overprotected and worried about you 24/7)

If you spend more time with her than your drunked "father" (draff) then your her favorite

but if you spend more time with your "father" (draff) trying to help him as much as possible then your... still her favorite but like she would have mixed feelings

because like what if you also become a addict to alcohols?? What if you turn out like draff?? What if you give her some poor excuses as well like draff on why your away?? (thats only if you spend more time with draff)

You and diona favorite thing to do together is collect ingredients and to mess around with them ! (and possibly make the most deadliest drink , but yk it would fail because of diona's special talent )

Diona would most likey to rant or vent out some stuff to you than you do

When you visit the Cat Tail Tavern you get a special discount

the "sibling discount"

I feel like some drunk people would ask diona to help them date you

and diona would look at them like she wants to choke them out

You WOULD and WILL spoil with planotic love and affection because draff failed to do so

You would hug her randomly and she would act like she dont want it

but she secretly likes it bc she never got 100% planotic love from her father so you giving her what she needed the most is very relaxing to know she still have you even if draff is absent most of the time<3

Shes very lucky to have you

but she'd rather have a handshake with diluc than even tell you that

[ a more funny idea too if you and diluc are secretly dating and she found out like she would glare at diluc for even trying to steal you away from her >:((( ]

" Huh whats that? Your asking me about my sibling? What are you trying to collect information me to date them as well!?Tsk.. I'll have you know im not afraid to scratch you! You may be the traveller who so happens to save our nation but I'll be damned if you even try to flirt with her! H-huh? Me ? Overprotecting ?! Ah. Ha! Don't even try to fill your mind with nonsense that is clearly not true!.."

🍃Sayu! ;

Now being sayu's older sibling get ready to sleep 24/7

because whenever you two go out and she falls asleep YOU yes YOU will BECOME her personal pillow and theres no way out

Even if your not like her , not quick to sleep or like her , quick to sleep.

Your still going to be forced to sleep or get tired whenever shes around lmao

You would be at work and before you know it

Yae would be asking for your presence at the shrine

At first that you got called you were worried for sayu because like??? Who wouldnt

then once you got there...

Yae gave you a "important task"

To get your sister while she is SLEEPING

you had the most dumbfounded face cause like ?? why me ??

either way you still went out to find your sister !

When you found her either at the Chinju Forest or somewhere in ritou or Inazuma City hiding from someone or just sleeping

Once you found her you already found her asleep

Well,, that was easy

now you had to decided whether to turn her in to yae or any shrine maiden or carry her to your house so she can peacefully sleep without a problem and just tell the shrine maidens & Yae that you couldnt find her

but the problem is you know how intimidating yae could be if she knows you just kept sayu at your house just for her to sleep

she would probably electrocute you in a bad way☠️..

Now mostly since sayu is asleep you would carry her from left to right just so she can peacefully sleep

for her birthday you always buy her the most SOFTEST, FLUFFIEST, SILKYIEST , COMFYIEST pillow ever

Unlike diona's one with the giving affection and etc, you give sayu items she might need and wants instead‼️ but ofc you still give u siblingly affections from time to time!

you and diona mostly see eachother because you had to do your work to provide money for both of you and to give her gifts

and since because sayu is mostly busy at the shrine as well😭...

But if you have any free time or its your day off at your work and so is sayu

sayu would make to sure to get enough sleep and to stay up so you guys can hangout more without her sleeping again

but ofc that doesnt work well, abit of walks there and abit of goofing around she would start to feel sleepy again

once she tells you that shes feeling tired you will immediately go to the place to view the prettiest sunsets while she lays on your lap!<3

"hmm, I thought you told me you won't fall asleep this time ?"

"*yawns* look you wouldn't get it (n/n)... Im a growing girl after all and.. i still have to grow tall,, taller than yo-zzz"

like whenever you jokingly ask her on why shes always sleepy she would always replies to you that shes a growing girl and still has to grow tall and even fall asleep mid sentence 😭

"They always teases me about my height when their height isn't even that high! (n/n) always gives me the most comfortable pillows... i might as well have the full inazuma collection pillow because of her *yawn* speaking of pillows.. I feel abit sleepy .. If (y/n) ever asks where I am can you tell her I'll be at ritou? but of course don't tell the shrine maidens.."

❄️Chongyun! ;

Are you really siblings with Chongyun

or are you Xingqiu's sibling instead??☠️/hj

You and Xingqiu would always prank chongyun when you both get the chance or when you three are together

As much as you love love your sibling, you also love to annoy him as much as possible or prank him

But ofc you also know your limits whenever to stop or not!

You and hu tao would be secretly best friends

Whenever you and chongyun go home

he would rant out about hu tao's doings whenever he gets too annoyed at her and you would just silently listen

there was that one time where you and xingqiu's harmless prank turned into a non so harmless

You wanted to prank chongyun by putting a candy that looks like pepper

You were going to be in charge of making the soup and xingqiu is incharge with the fake pepper

Xingqiu putted the fake pepper near the counter so he would know where it was easily

and xiangling who happens to just come back after a little ingredients shopping accidently putted the REAL peppers near it

and when xingqiu went to grab the "fake pepper" he grabed the real one and putted it to the soup you were about to serve chongyun

and well,,, lets just say it didn't end well.. like at all☠️

Chongyun has higher trust issues with you both ever since that day..

You are like chongyun's extra ice pops storage holder LMAO like if chongyun runs out of ice pops you would always have extra

You, Shenhe, & Chongyun would train abit every weekends

Sometimes you would just be the one serving the foods for both of them once theyre done just to avoid training😭LMAO

Chongyun loves you dearly but like.. Calm down with the pranks

He has mixed feelings about you bc of it

If he gets prank by you two , before going to sleep he would be looking up at the ceiling all tucked in and be wondering

whos the bad influencer between you both??

but jokes aside chongyun would drop any jobs or works he has if you ever call him even if its not urgent he would be there:) ( and so would you )

He will also be there for you if you ever have any stressful day like he will ask you if you want to go around liyue to take your mind off things!

Even though sometimes your pranks sets his mind filled with bombs that are about to explode because of it

He will always accept you as the older sibling<3

"(Y/n) is my older sibling , even though she's quite the opposite of me.. her determination and bravery are more skilled and polished than mine. She's one of my top 5 idols to be when I grow up. But then (Y/n)'s like .. the other twin of Xingqiu at this point.. Don't get me wrong It's not that Im saying I dont want them as my sibling! Its just that whenever those two are around eachother there's always a prank that will be set, even if it's not me getting pranked someone else will be. They might as well rename the "Victims of Xingqiu" to "Victims of Xingqiu and (Y/n)" at this point..

🧹Thoma! ;

Okay this one is abit of a strech

While his at Inazuma

your at Mondstadt

We all know the story of why he's at inazuma

and if you dont here ; (googled;))

"He originally went to Inazuma to bring his father Dandelion Wine, but after falling overboard, he ended up in Inazuma with no connections and Mora. Despite the dangers he faced at the time, Thoma was able to make the most of his situation and eventually obtained the Kamisato Clan's trust."

During that time where he told you that he will be the wine to your guys father and that he will contact you once he gets there

you insisted that you will do it instead because your the older sibling

but then you both had a small fight on why and whos going😭

He won.. suprisingly because you have a job at the wine industry and because you had more responsibilities at Mondstadt

leaving you with no choice but to agree

you did pack him some food and some spare mora you had on you if he wanted to buy something incase

After like a few day you were getting worried over your little bro

some days you would feel so guilty on letting him go alone and not coming with him

the more days he couldnt contact you the more anxious you got that it even messed up your work a couple of times

"Y/n. you're adding the wrong ingredients.."

"Huh? Oh sorry diluc.. My bad I'll do better next time Im really sorry"

like you almost crash into a wall.. wait no remove the almost YOU DID.

You Crashed into a wall because of WORRY for thoma.☠️

more days and more days past you had enough and even plan to go to inazuma yourself

but then you found out that inazuma is a closed nation and litterally even if you begged the people with cruises or ships to get you there they would refuse

abit more days of waiting and you finally manage to get a letter from thoma! You were so relieved and happy like you cried tears of joy knowing his still alright!

You immediately wrote him a letter back and asking him how he was and how he was doing and more questions

Sometimes he would even send you some inazuma items and you would send him some Mondstadt items! Whether it be clothes, figurines, foods, ingredients you can only find at Mondstadt or Inazuma<3

You both would send letter everyday and some would get delayed due to works or the delievery man/hj

once the inazuma problems got solved you quickly went to inazuma to visit you lil bro isnt that sweet

once you got there, the first thing you did was ask people if they ever know anyone named "thoma" and ofc someone lead you to thoma

Once you saw thoma with 2 other light blue haired people

you didnt even think you quickly went out and hug him

Thoma was like so shock with that suprise pikachu face when he saw you he was wondering who you were then he realized that it was you! His older sibling

hes the type of man who would probalby sob of happiness silently bc of a very long reunion

the blue haired people was wondering who you were and thoma introduced you who you were to them and etc!

Ayato even gave thoma a 1 week vacation so you two would hangout because he would also feel how both siblings who clearly misses eachother for like forever would feel

You and thoma would goof around while he tours you around inazuma

you meet plently of his friends and his pet friends as well!<3

thoma treated you to eat some meal with him in a fancy ass resuturant

when someone tried flirting with you, thoma was already there behind you glaring abit and ready to make that person back away from you

thoma just wants to make your stay at inazuma the most comfortable as it can!

😭Imagine seeing itto though while you both were examing the onikabuto or like thoma is explaining its kind to you and you both just see a big ass hand grab it

"Yo!! Thoma bro!! I see you have someone new with you! Whos that huh?? Your new friend?! Oh oh your sibling perhaps?? Oh wait! Is this a kidnapper?! Thoma bro just tell me if theyre keeping you hostage the one and only numero itto will help you my dude!"

you and thoma would just nervously try to leave the area...

but thoma being a gentlemen he is still answered ittos "questions"

Itto calls you (y/n) homie now. theres option you can say "no please" to this man.

Thoma just had that "i'm sorry." face and pitying you while itto introduce his legendary self to you and even offered for you to join his squad😭

Once you had to return to Mondstadt you gave thoma a special gift so he would remeber of you and you both had your last hug before you depart

the kamisato siblings also came along to say their goodbyes and his other friends and.. as well as the itto gang😭

You both promised to keep sending letters to eachother though so its ight:)!

Once you got to mondstadt you already gotten a letter from thoma if you gotten home safetly

Its really nice to have someone worrying about you huh<3.

"Oh! wait sorry sorry , i didnt mean it as a offensive way I just got suprised that you know (y/n) *chuckles*, why you may ask? well theyre always at work or at their home writing me letters sometimes when i forget to send back the mails would be bombarded with their letters for me haha.. I didn't think you would be friends with them,! don't take it the wrong way it's nice that my sibling is finally opening up because before they would always tell me that "our survival is more better than having friends". — Hey, Traveller can you me a favour? If you ever go back to Mondstadt again can you tell her to not over work their self and to watch over them , because apprently the letters i wrote them don't seem to work.. *sigh*"

He's just worried about you too much as you are worried about him!<3.

💷Dori! ;

You two are knowned as the mora hoggers/jk

you both like to scam people,, but ofc your more experienced

it runs in the family afterall💵💵💵💵💸💸

while dori sells the like rare items and like expensive ones

you sell the mysterious and shady ones

whenever you both get like a "vacation" or a break from all that scamming people

selling items i mean***

your favourite activity with dori is scamming people/jk

(also it be cute if like her glasses came from you<3 like you used to wore it when you were young but then you gave it to her because it dont fit you anymore)

dori would act so independent but be dependent whenever shes with you🙏😭

dori is the type of sibling who would say i love you too sis/bro or i miss you without hestitation like she will be confident on saying it<3!

you both have rare matching accessories:)

dori's favorite activity or hangout activity with you is finding artifacts out in the wild and make a competition out of it

You both would have a secret hideout and count your moras you gotten and whoever has the largest sum of mora wins!

and whoever loses has to pay 1M mora to the winner,,😭

dori has that very layback younger sister vibes , yeah shes abit mischievous at most times but she only learned it from you🙄

Dori would sometimes steal some shady items from you for her to sell whenever your not watching

and your stealing hers too😀"eye for a eye"

your sibling relationship with her is just honestly,, calming to say the least like not much problems and etc

but if any buyers get aggresive and tries to argue or attack dori you would quickly make a fake act and scream

after all violence is not the answer

and yeah that buyer had to go to jail for a few days and have to pay you both 900k mora inorder to shorten their stay at prison😄!!

I feel like you both have a secret mansion that only you two would enter, ONLY YOU TWO.

Dori likes to hold your hand whenever shes feeling unsure of her actions or if shes in deep thought

whenever noone is really buying any of ur guys items you both would play like board games that is supposed to be your items to sell

like imagine this ;

Mostly everyone is going back to their houses because the sun is going down and you and dori are waiting for a Vip customer to arrive

and you both got bored and decided to play around with the vip customer requested item

and the vip customer just sees you both like playing catch with their requested item while his holding his mora LMAO

that vip customer has higher trust issues now thank you both of you

"They really really like getting some of my items and would put it at their side and say it's their item Im suppose to sell to annoy me off whenever there's no customers around *sighs* ! but sometimes though they would give me unique artifacts as a "sorry" when i get too upset at it,, but hey atleast im getting artifacts to sell! (n/n) is that type of sibling who would try and test your patience for their entertainment! And tha— huh??? I act like them sometimes??? Well duh we're siblings of course! heh I wouldn't learn how to sca- I mean sell stuff ! Do I dislike them? Oh archons never! Hey I may look like I dont have the type to love my siblings 100% but I can say "I love you" and "I missed you" no problem to them! How did they teached me how to sell artifacts and how to gain customers? well.. that's a secret now! Your asking too much questions If you want to know more you should pay me about.. 200k mora! heh."

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2036sator · 2 days

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hiiii :3 what r ur opinions on the characters in the cgvl and lha? Character wise, design wise, etc... (including freedom guy 🤭) I'm just really curious :3

[[ AA dude i’m gonna go so in depth w/ this !!!! this is personally from what I recently discovered from these characters so , i am kinda new to LHA and CGVL ,, not freedom guy tho lolol ]]

[[ Let’s start with LHA ^_^ ]]

> FREEDOM GUY - design wise … absolutely cool i can’t really explain how much i enjoy doodling him no matter what design he has , always loved the old design !! Red scarf is iconic to him and made him stand out even if its a bit plain… but other than the old design, new design kitt recently has made im ssooooooo inlove with how he became so …. HE LOOKS SASSY AT ONE POINT LOOOKING AT HIM FOR HOURS . his old design with his iconic hands on his hips pose already made me think he was all shiny sassy star that everyone praises of lllolololol 7_7 character wise by personality is great overall , he’s a code yet he is so , humane that being the therapist plus saviour is tiring even for a code sobbbb ilove gushing about freedom guy if u can’t tell

> FROST - design wise ? Love it . I would say that I love drawing Frost as well as much as I love to draw Freedom Guy :3 Character wise … very kewl…. I need to see more of frost stuff ………

> TANGERINE - DESIGN WISE AAHHHH OHMYGOD I have something for orange sticks idk why but she looks so cool i never actually noticed she even had like scars until i went thru deep into the LHA bloggers just to noticed she has like two or three scars like WHAT !!! Character wise , If she went to my school I would wanna be her friend tbh she seems fun to be around ^_^

> CION - Design wise is just… chefs kiss , I love drawing her marble head and drawing her in my design where she has like kind of maybe water ish? Or fire ish blob around it just bc I can’t see her with hair so instead I just made blobs that made to look like she has hair el o el ,,,overallll!! Super cool I love cloaks … Character wise is yes , just yes . Ilove the looks can be deceived like how Cion and Tangerine is the same just different fonts

> LUCKY - hhhahah lucky block…. I made Lucky’s head more not circular bc srsly I would totally believe lucky if xe told me xe was birthed from a lucky block. So it’s more geometrical? Character wise ilove xem ilove hackers and I don’t know much of Lucky ,,,still xe’s super cool either way

== WOOOOO CGVL IS NEXT ==

> SCRIBBLES - from what ive seen im surprised this is actually and technically the leader of cgvl and its just , a little scribble stick ( in a positive way not insulting ) , probably my favourite... ( i cant decide with scribs and rose ) ,,, character wise!!! ive seen a little bit of scribbles story and im cheering so hard scribs is so cool and with the programmer lore and everything going on is super interesting and all overall really cool character , easy to doodle when im bored in school

> VIX - oh jeez . can we get vix neutered . / LIGHTHEARTED JOKE ... Unique creature , i love the head design even though it sometimes confuses me when i try to doodle the back of vix :9 ., character wise .. freaky .... you a freak girl!!! also!!! I LOVE cannibal characters when they're all actually attached to a person then they soemtimes can't get over the thought of eating them ( filling them with guilt ) i love when cannibals feel bad for what they are ( technically its a parasite for vix's case but still!!! )

>ROSE - ohhhhhhhhh i almost tripped when i saw rose , pink characters save me ... shes so pretty by the design wise category .. made me jealous of her gender smhhhh.... character wise , mischievous thief and i would let her steal my whole house if she wanted to

> GEO - i wanna squeeze geo but i cant :( character wise by what ive seen from like interactions(?) and lore , its really interesting and really cool ( reminds me of another interest i have but who cares ) still i understand how frost would baby geo

> ENTI & BUG ( NO IMAGE NOOOOOO MY LIMIT NOOOOOO ) - big guys so cool they would absolutely obliterate me . i dont know them much but i wanna know more about them .... i need itt...

#ava freedom guy #animator vs animation #lawful hero agency #chaotic gremlin villain league

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just-antithings · 10 months

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I'm not saying adults insisting they only need to read YA books and watch children's cartoons is leading to this culture wide phobia of sex which in turn is becoming a useful vector for the increasing spread of fascism except that is exactly what I'm saying.

Im not that anon but want to expand on their thought, if they're saying what I think they are.

I thought of this more when seeing an old post of someone saying their English teacher should have let them write a report on Divergent instead making them read 1984. Someone commented supporting the OP, saying that they never read Divergent, but 1984 is problematic. Iirc, the commenter referred to Winston (I think that's the protag in 1984; sorry I haven't reread it in years) as a creep. I can't remember is this specific commenter called Winston a misogynist, but that's a common complaint I hear when people say they don't like 1984.

The screenshot of that post also had other screenshots, including the twt posts of YA authors saying that the classics were problematic. It's a sentiment I keep seeing around book twt before I deactivated my account but still on booktube as well, and it's always booktubers who also read and rant about Colleen Hoover, because they know her name gets clicks. Or booktubers that do those videos titled "I read [old/popular/controversial] series so you don't have to".

Sorry, sliding off topic a bit. Going back to what anon said, YA books tend to be more sanitized. They're supposed to be written for a 15-19 audience, so sex and gore aren't supposed to be explicit. There are YA books with sex scenes. 2 I read recently have sex scenes, but they aren't explicit. One uses mostly poetic language and infers to what's happening, and the other essentially fades to black after they get into bed, as they're touching and then picks up the next morning. (One of these YA books had a big controversy on booktube a few years ago for being problematic, though. Gee, wonder why /s)

But for the most part, often for people who enjoy urban fantasy or romances but not steamy scenes, they may go for YA, since it's usually more "PG". Unfortunately, some people get it in their head that this makes YA inherently "better", that adult books that are being more explicit are only doing it to get more sales, when YA tbh has a tighter hold on it marketing-wise.

Okay, I'm not published (yet), but I've been studying it when I need to take a break from writing to see what course is best for me and what I want to write. YA is becoming oversaturated in the market, so it's not as big a "money making genre" for debut authors as it might have been once (and I'd argue that even in the past when YA was smaller, you still had to be lucky, known, or connected to get that 6-figure check for a debut YA novel). YA is more likely to get scrutinized, considering its supposed to he for a younger audience, so a YA author wanting to push boundaries is going to receive more push-back than an adult lit author.

Now pushback happens in adult lit, too, like Ava Reid saying her editor or publisher (I forget who) told her that Juniper&Thorn might be too dark. (I've read it. Yes, it's dark, but bad reviews I saw for the book blew it way out of proportion. If you (gen) like lyrical/poetic narration and gothic horror, I highly suggest it).

But it feels like there's more of a push to keep YA books "clean". You can find some outliers, but like the YA I mentioned above, those outliers in YA that push boundaries can get wrapped in controversy and called problematic.

And for whatever reason, some people on booktube say this is a good thing and say "think of the children!"

They will say censorship is bad but then advocate for sanitized YA to be read instead of classics, because the classics are "bad" and "teach bad things" and "should be left in the past". They advocate for censorship without realizing they are advocating for censorship. It's exhausting, and as someone who wants to be published and does enjoy a lot of YA, it makes me feel discouraged. I don't think I'm "pushing boundaries" at all in my writing or saying anything new, but I'm very sure it's not sanitized enough for most publishers, especially if I wanted to try for one of the beg houses in the US.

Tl;dr One of the major problems in this anti-intellectualism is capitalism.

#mod erin #ask #posted without comment #fascism mention

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rzyraffek · 2 years

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Hiiii!!

How would Fallout 4 Romanced companions react to young looking SS reveals her/his real age (looks like 18 y.o. But actually is 35 y.o.)?

Yeah! (Thanks for request btw)

(She/her swf)(also Google says that almost all companions are around 30 or 25)

Paladin Danse:"I cant belive such young soldier was able to do so many good things for brotherhood" Sole tell him shes like 30 "oh I I mean you look young?ee?I mean good for you? I mean you look good I-" He will be super akward but it kinda makes him feel better that she is a little older because he is 30himself and he felt litte werid having crush on 18year old Sole( yeah it would make her almost twice his age). Now that he knows that shes around his age he wont feel weird and probably be more open. Also if Sole is insecure about her age he will tell her that shes amazing soldier AND person so no need to worry

Nick:simiar to Danse tbh. Nick is very old guy, if Sole tell him that shes like 35 he will probably Look like😳(in good way)

Deacon: "woah babe you age like wine"💀he will relate, again he himself is like 40 and he looks not bad. Also He probably already knew before Sole even find railroad. He wonders if every person from before the war never aged and looked young for most of lifes lol. But ig Sole Just got lucky. He will make jokes that the freezer she been locked in for 200years just was very good for her skin

MacCready:"even better", he gives off milf hunter vibes im sorry, i feel like hes even more atracted to her than before. If shes insecure about her age he will be confused?"honey you look amazing what you mean?"

Preston: "aw babe its alright^v^ you still the best btw" he is our wholesome king okay he will say a lot of nice anc supportive things to Sole. Hes kinda jelous that she looks younger at him even if hes the younger one.

Gage:"eh okay boss, i mean sure i dont care" he doesnt care, as far as she loves him back He does not give a fuck (I mean he is a bandit raider idk what yall expected) Also He still thinks that Sole is the hottest in whole nukacola world, and she doesnt have to worry about anyone getting his attencion.

Manson:"even better😈" he is weird, he will coment on it and say very unexpected stuff(im sure he will say something along the lines 'older women=better women because their bodies are more adapted to having kids???He is weird asf) But nothing will change really he will Just get a little weirder, but nothing out of ordinary(for him atleast)

X6-88:"so my calculations were correct" before Sole told him he was very confused, she looks 18?? And she was in frigde for 200years? And her son is 80?? Kinda confusing if you ask me. So he probably used his super hiper advanced robo-brain to calculate how old is she. When Sole told him, it didnt really bother him, age isnt something that he really cares about.

Please i beg for more requests my life is rather boring

#fallout 4 nick valentine #paladin danse #fallout 4 x reader #fallout deacon #fallout gage #fallout 4 companions #fallout 4 #preston garvey #x6 88 #maccready #reqs open

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judgedarts · 2 months

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hi!! proud owner of i think 5 atp jojo chibi charms and VERY new artist alley vendor here and i was just wondering, how do you budget/manage costs for non local cons that might have high transportation costs or more expensive tables? do you usually make back what you spent on transport + table/tickets + merch production/ordering + etc at the con or is there a slight loss? this is mainly for my own reference asking someone successful so ty for answering!!!

hey! congratulations on becoming an AA vendor :,) im very honored that you've bought from me before and that you consider me a 'successful' vendor haha!

i'm really passionate when it comes to talking about AA stuff so I'll be putting my answer in the read more since it's pretty long lol!

to be honest, I'm in a very lucky position to be able to travel to conventions beyond the east coast because it can really get expensive T_T i think the most honest answer i can give you is that your first couple of cons most likely are going to be a slight loss for you income wise if you are planning on traveling for a convention - tbh, i generally don't recommend doing a convention out of your state/out of your means if you're very new to tabling. my very first conventions were in driving/public transport distance (i love you new york and new jersey!!!) so i never spent money other than the table cost and ordering product. so if you're starting out and live in a state that has local cons, id HIGHLY recommend doing local events to get experience and cutting down costs as much as you can so you can get the most out of it! if you do intend on doing out-of-state cons because your state doesn't have many small local cons, i totally get it, but again, just try to keep your costs as low as possible. here are some suggestions and things to keep in mind:

1.split costs with a friend

split the table, split hotel fees, split ubers, etc! if you have family/friends in that state, consider crashing at their place for the weekend! maybe treat them to dinner haha

2. save up funds

honestly, there's really no getting around it - you might have to get income from somewhere else besides selling merch @ cons! i worked a part-time job throughout college, did commissions/freelance, and had my store open to save up for cons.

3. remember to deduct all expenses for your business

keep in mind that table fees/travel and hotel fees/products/meals are all deductible. these are considered investments for your business and they're completely necessary for you to run said business so when it comes tax time, you'll be able to breathe a little easier haha.

4. know your limits and be cautious

unfortunately, not all cons are going to be successful or will go your way no matter how much money you pour into it. if you know a convention is going to be out of your means, you can always apply the following year. I've had plenty of cons i couldn't go to because i simply couldn't afford it at the time, but the more money you save up, the more experience you get, and the more connections you make, you'll be able to afford to go and be successful! i'd also do plenty of research about the convention (especially the attendance #s, how previous vendors feel about the con, etc) before you decide to go. 5. have fun!

even though the upfront price can be intimidating, you are still paying the price to travel, visit a city you've never been to, meet new people, fans, your friends, and make connections! not to mention the really inspiring and motivating atmosphere that artist alley can be. i hope that regardless of the money you make you take the time to enjoy the experience to the fullest and appreciate that you are sharing your awesome art with others :,)! i try to make the best out of a con even if i barely make even, and make new friends and connections because trust me, they are so meaningful ^^<3!

besides all that, i highly recommend joining the Artist Alley Network discord if you haven't already - there's a plethora of info, advice, etc that you can take away from there. https://discord.gg/artistalleynetwork i hope this was helpful! if you have any more specific questions I'm more than happy to answer them for you. if they're too specific or i don't feel comfortable answering, i hope you can understand too! good luck with all your AA endeavors - i believe in you and i really hope we will table at the same con soon!

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nipahnan · 3 months

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realistically , how is it like living in japan ? i am a POC so our experiences would definitely be different .. but are you fluent in the language ? how is everyday life for you ? do you have a job there or remote work overseas in the US ? sorry for all the questions !! i'm hoping to move to japan myself eventually . ♡

Aaah I’m so happy to finally get a question, I’ve been waiting to be able to ramble about myself on here thehe :) This is gonna be a long one, so I’m sorry in advance, but I want to try and be as transparent as possible!♡

I don’t live in Tokyo, yet I have a bunch of friends who live there and who talk about their experiences very openly, so I’ll also talk about things they went through and that they observed. In general people of course need to make sure not to romanticize a country. Japan is a country like any other and a lot of people forget that. I’ve been interested in Japan since I was around 11 years old and I came to Japan knowing about it’s good and bad sides because I did research about it for years. So coming here with very realistic expectations and not thinking I’m gonna live in a fairytale, I’d say it’s great so far! :)

Of course I’ve only been here for 1 year now, but it’s definitely so much better than living in Germany. It just suits my lifestyle and general personal behavior so much better. I never felt connected to people in Germany with the way they behave and so I’m having it way easier here. I definitely aim to obtain permanent residence status one day because I really believe that I want to enjoy my life here. I definitely feel like foreigners who move to Tokyo have it so much easier than people who move somewhere else in Japan, because there’s so much more English writing or people who try and speak English since it’s full of tourists too, so it’s easier to navigate without learning any Japanese. When I first landed in Japan I literally only spoke English and I was kinda shocked since I didn’t expect that at all tbh. I actually know a few people who have lived in Japan for years without learning any Japanese and it kinda baffles me sometimes lol. I definitely recommend coming here with at least some basic Japanese and then trying to gradually learn more, that’s how I did it and it’s been working very well. Im not fluent at all yet, but im able to have conversations and I’m learning every day and that’s what counts :)

I also know a lot of people who realized how fake Tokyo can be and decide to move away from it quickly because of them getting mental problems or their mental problems worsening, considering how awful mental help in Japan is. They’re feeling very lonely, overworked, and even get bullied. It definitely depends on the workplace of course. But as long as you make sure to make genuine friendships and realize that Japanese people can be extremely blunt and that their behavior is overall quite different, you’ll have no problem with them. There’s a lot of rules and there’s no way you’re always able to remember them, so I wouldn’t worry too much about it. Definitely try and act according to how they act and you will be welcomed with open arms I’d say :)

I currently don’t have a job because I got hit with a very hard illness right after 3 months of living here which resulted in me almost dying that I’m still recovering from. So I didn’t have time to work with how many times I was in the hospital, yet I’m having an interview soon and I’ll hopefully be able to start work in the next month if everything works out :)

I have a spouse visa after finally marrying my partner that I’ve been with for 4 years, so that made immigrating here way easier for me of course and I definitely realize that I was very lucky to get here that way. I only had to wait 15 minutes and immediately had my visa, meanwhile a lot of people say how long they had to wait because they had a different visa and of course because the Tokyo immigration is so much fuller than the one in Nagoya.

Everyday life is very chill, it’s very quiet so as a person who is very easily irritated and overwhelmed by loud noises it’s so much better for my mental health. yet again I don’t live in Tokyo and in a very tiny town (13.11 km² big lmao) so I have to drive to Nagoya for some of the „fun“ parts.

Now for some of the VERY annoying parts.

Stares. People stare at you ALL the time. Even tho I’m white, they love staring at me like I’m some alien because I have blonde hair and stick out like a sore thumb here in my city where there’s such a tiny amount of foreigners(basically 0 lol) I’ve noticed that people usually say that old people are kind of rude to them and how nice young people are, yet for me it’s the complete opposite at times. Old people, especially old women, love randomly talking to me and are generally very nice to me. There’s this older lady who works at my local family mart and she is sooo nice to me, always giving me compliments and everything, she is so cute♡ Meanwhile young people love staring and making fun of me because they often think I don’t understand them. I get comments like „she looks cute but she’s kinda fat.“ „do you think she even understands Japanese?“ and they giggle all the time. Sometimes they also take pictures of me in the train and it feels very rude. As someone who never stood out in her hometown and always trying her best to not get any attention, it definitely hurts to suddenly hear comments like that and basically feeling like a zoo animal at times. Yet I knew this would happen so I was prepared for it and I know I just shouldn’t care about comments like that. Now idk how bad it is in Tokyo but I can imagine it’s not as awful since it’s way more diverse? Yet you still hear stories about how this also happens very often to POC and sometimes even white foreigners who just happen to have a different type of style. So it’s definitely something to keep in mind.

Also about the topic of getting called fat. Japanese people LOVE to call you fat in your face. As soon as you’re over 50kg no matter your height they will probably consider you fat. One time I had to state my weight at the hospital for a scan and the lady literally yelled „…kg???“ and then proceeded to giggle to her male coworker. Considering that coming from the hospital staff, it was definitely shocking. Especially since I was literally about to die that day? I was so shocked and felt so bad considering I gained 10kg during that time only due to steroid medication which I literally had no control over. So I’d definitely say it’s another thing to be prepared for.

Their clothing style is also pretty different from the west, you’ll see a lot of long skirts and blouses or sweaters. Tight fitting clothes or clothes showing of a lot of skin aren’t as common here and it definitely makes you stick out. One time I was wearing a tank top under a jacket and didn’t close the jacket all the way while going to get takeout and some school boys sitting at the table loudly made a comment about how giant my boobs are and didn’t stop staring and it made me insanely uncomfortable to which I immediately just closed my jacket. Most uncomfortable encounter I’ve ever had and made me stop wearing shirts that show cleavage lol.

Also there’s of course a lot of sexual harassment here, especially in Tokyo. There’s literally guys just staring at 🌽 that you can see in the reflection of the train window (I even saw that in person one time, absolutely insane) or just straight up jerkin off. They literally have posters at my train stations telling women to pay attention to their skirts because there could be someone taking pictures of your panties. So if you intend to wear short skirts you always have to wear shorts under it if you don’t want some pervert to take a panty shot of you. At this point they even have hidden cameras in their shoes which is just insane to me…

Overall, don’t believe most things those tiktok or YouTube videos from tourists tell you. They often times don’t have any knowledge about Japan or how it is to live here, often give misinformation or are just straight up romanticizing this country to the max. All my friends and me even absolutely hate these travel vloggers at this point because of how much bs they’re saying :,)

To sum it up: if you have enough knowledge about the country and the people, prepare yourself as much as possible and realize that it’s very different from what you’re probably used to, and most of all, that it’s just another country that you’ll be living in, you’ll definitely love it here! :)

I definitely could tell even more because I had so many crazy encounters already and so many cool places to talk about, but I think I’ve been talking long enough now :D

Hope my ramble was a bit helpful for you（╹◡╹）♡

#nipahnan #ramble #Personal #Q&A💕#live in Japan #Japan #living in Japan #q&a

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