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#and slowly but surely you rediscover how your relationship works because both of you are adults now and now we're here
exoexid · 1 month
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the suyeol lore is so crazy
#their relationship is so interesting to me like aoughhhh#like you see subaek and even tho they don't talk a lot on camera (most of the time) those two get along so well#they understand and respect each other so much they take their job very seriously and they're actually good friends as a result#suyeol on the other hand is 12 years of slowburn like it's crazyyyyy#you admire him and believe in him like no one else does and then you discover that he isn't that great actually#so you get disappointed and distance yourself and then you both are in this weird limbo for years as you grow up#and slowly but surely you rediscover how your relationship works because both of you are adults now and now we're here#like yeah suhito was stressed back then the context was not great for a leader AND tao was still with exo so lmao pcy could fend for himself#so i get ittttt they were going through it but. i need to know what he said to pcy like oh my god was it really that bad 😭#i wonder if they've ever mentioned it 🤔#writing this bc i just remembered that one time they had to describe e/o and suho was like#“you're my cute dongsaeng i admire your talents so much and oh btw you're not uncomfortable around me these days right? uwu”#LIKE ??? KING YOU CAN'T SAY THAT AND LEAVE US IN THE DARK#(<- they totally can it's not our business lmao)#idolization to tentative ''''enemies'''' to coworkers to friends to good friends is crazy#i need to look into this properly omg let's do some research#anyways i want a subunit :) they can be called exo sc too sehun won't mind bc these are like his favorite people in the world!!!#idk i find the exos and their bond so interesting because you truly have it all with them there's a whole spectrum of friendships#and i appreciate that it's not like with b*s & taegi (if you don't know who they are... let's keep it that way <3)#because those two were just too different to get along. it was extreme. but bighit forced it so much it was painful to see sometimes#and then the hawaii trip came and they painted it like a ''see? after this trip they get along so well now <3'' moment#1. girl let's be serious for a sec 😐 and 2. it's not our business!!!!! focus on making good music!!!!!#i'm so glad exo didn't have to go through something like that bc i just know that they'd have disbanded by now sjfsifjsk#the saranghaja sprite isn't that intense we lovr freedom of choice (keeping in mind that they were under sm) <33333#so YEAH. can you guys tell i can't sleep hehe :)#dara.t#suho and chanyeol
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Comte’s 4th Birthday Story Event: Before the Clock Strikes Midnight
REEEEEEEE Ik it was a long time ago but life has been a [redacted], so I figured better late than never HAHA
So without further ado, anybody who’s curious feel free to click for more--I’ll put it under a cut for spoilers as per usual~
So in this story it’s the usual, a few days before his birthday, and they’re discussing a bump in the road. Essentially, it appears a friend of Comte’s is going to be celebrating a wedding, and as such he’s going into the suburbs/affluent part of the region to be able to attend. It’s only a few hours away from the mansion, but he will be gone for a few days with the arrangements made for his stay. 
While this wouldn’t typically be an issue, MC has some things to take care of and opts out of attending with him (preparing for his bday probably LMAO) and Comte is immediately big sad. My favorite dramatic fool is already pouting, though he fully accepts and respects her decision. Besides which, he fully intends to be back in time to celebrate his birthday as well. He notes that he’s always admired how driven and independent she is, and has no intention of getting in the way of that. He’s just going to miss her, is all.
He says as much, figuring there’s no point in hiding it: “I really wanted to bring you with me to attend…but I suppose it simply can’t be helped” … “That’s not it…I guess I’m just wondering if you’ll miss me as much as I’ll miss you while I’m away.” 
And MC’s just like “Aw, it’s okay it’ll only be a few days.” While Comte’s response is a very mature, high-pitched whining sound at a frequency only King (Theo’s dog) and Theo himself can hear. When MC tries to reassure him once more, his Hamlet impression continues: “Even the prospect of a few days away from you feels unbearable.” 
Naturally, as any man do that loves his wife, he draws her close and proceeds to bang the living daylights out of her. I would offer details, but I have no deets to give beyond: [Well MC, it appears I won’t be letting you get much sleep tonight.] 
Brief intermission for the vague sounds of fangirl cardiac arrest. 
The scene opens again to him doing his walk of shame (the slut) down the walkway and into the carriage that will take him to his friend’s house. His thoughts carry the regret of burdening her with his desire, though MC is pretty much on cloud nine and unable to stop thinking about the heady night they shared in a good way. Bruh and the sly look when he figures out why she looks like that--I’m boutta call the police, he is going to make women and men alike act up. 
MC scrambles to cool his already returning desire by insisting he will be late if he indulges any further, and he laughs and agrees easily–albeit with the slightest hint of reluctance. My favorite part in this exchange is that he kisses her forehead, adding that it’s because she’s the most adorable person in the world to him (a moment of silence for our uwus). 
Fast forward to Comte trying to get home after the festivities are over. Problem is, it’s been raining like a mOTHERBLEEPER, and as such carriages have no safe way to traverse the roads at the moment. He waited out the first day as patiently as possible, but after the second–and no sign of stopping–his Leeroy Jenkins instincts kick in. He notes to the coachman that he’s aware he’s asking a lot, but they fully intend to take the long way which invites the least risk–and the rain is ebbing, even if the progress is slow. 
It’s interesting because there’s another echo of his main story in this moment. He essentially showcases a desperation to return before the day ends, though without context it’ll probably seem a little strange, so I’ll do my best to explain. Basically, in his main story, MC notes that she doesn’t really care how different they are. Different time, different species, different experiences, so on and so forth. She hammers home that what matters is that the present is something that they actively share. It’s theirs. And no amount of divisions he desperately tries to draw will change that fundamental reality. 
And it’s a little moving to see how deeply he takes it to heart? I think it’s one of those wonderful phenomena, personally–the way a person can influence how you think and act with their sentiments. Sometimes someone says precisely what it is we need to hear, and it changes us–while it can be for the worse, it can also be for the better. He notes that he spent so many birthdays; among the people serving his house when he was little, raising hell with his friends in his younger days, so on and so forth. Not unlike Leonardo, he says that after so many “special” days the faces become a blur, the festivities lose their luster. It’s just another day, at this point. 
Note, one interesting thing here that stands out to me is that I feel like this is a reflection of both of their larger struggles. Where Comte can’t stand the relentless flow of time rendering him the only constant (and something of a ghost, never fully present), Leonardo can’t bear birthdays because it means remembering people who still mean the world to him, but are long gone. People he can never see again, never laugh with again, never share his life with again. And I think that’s a very profound pain, an anguish that just keeps on settling its weight. (Oh, Sisyphus…)
Comte’s is similar, but different. He actively works to keep his distance-- unlike Leonardo, he approaches immortality in the pragmatic way. He knows getting close will hurt, so he opts out of that–keeps a step behind, an easy smile on his face. Betrays only fragments to anyone, always has his guard up. But the downside of being so guarded means you eventually feel hollowed out and alone; nobody truly knows or understands you. There is a distinct loneliness in that approach, where memories only become reminders of how nothing ever improves and how bereft you are of warmth. 
Leonardo, at least, gets to have the joy of being known from time to time. But loss and estrangement from those people means double the pain in the long run, because he loved them fully. Comte chooses to live in the cold to protect himself, but ends up in a kind of catch-22; the cost of forgoing loss means a constant deadening of his own feelings. It means living in a kind of fog, where there is a distinct discomfort in the silent obscurity of your own heart. 
There’s something I’ve come to believe in my short course of living, so I guess I still need time to determine how true it is. But…I feel like, when people live this way, where who they are is a lie or it’s at the very least carefully concealed, we in part start to become that lie. I think it’s fascinating because Comte seems to have so much personality to him. He’s dramatic, he’s thoughtful, he has a sense of mischief about him, he has strong ideals, and he has an even more ironclad moral grounding. And yet, when he talks about himself, he always uses descriptions that hinge on emptiness. Like he’s worth so little, worth nothing. And that’s what I mean–he’s been trying so hard to glide on the surface that he has come to believe he really is equivalent to something that ephemeral. Like there’s nothing more inside him, or if there is, that it will never be worthy of much. I think it really speaks to the ways behavior impacts the psyche, even though the opposite tends to be considered the only possible cause and effect relationship. 
He’s so determined to live for and in the future while he’s in the present, that he forgets to enjoy himself and really live. And while that approach is certainly understandable, I do think he loses parts of himself along the way. Only to be rediscovered and placed back into his hands by MC: [Today–this moment–our now, I don’t want to miss it for anything.] And that's not even touching on how quick she is to make them a we; she's not letting him keep that distance. It’s not “you have the ability to share this day with me” it’s “we’re here and in this together.”
I feel like what I love about this is that it’s not only about how sweet he is on MC, but also about how much he’s truly living again for the first time. His defenses are slowly inching their way down, he’s letting himself hope and want things and look forward to things again. The thing about being a responsible person is that–while responsibility is all well and good–sometimes you become so mired in doing the right thing and planning the most optimal outcomes that you just aren’t thinking of yourself anymore. That is, if you ever were to begin with. He went from the careful cultivation of a life as an aristocrat, to a life that spoke of more freedom and fun beyond those iron wrought gates, before he returned to the structure of what he knew. Freedom speaks to him I’m sure–we all need it in some measure to survive. But I do think a good portion of that was unfulfilling for him after a point. It was only feeding the void that was beginning to form inside him. He was instinctively retreating into himself to avoid pain, and in doing that the only result was feeling like a coward and a fake. He wasn’t happy, he wasn’t able to be himself, and nothing was fulfilling–every single day just another forward march. 
I think it comes as no surprise he took up Vlad’s initial invitation so willingly. 
But then I digress, back to the story. There’s another timeskip and it finds him racing down the hall of the mansion. He’s hoping to make it in time but knows he’s racing against the clock, and fully expects MC to be asleep by this point in the night. Midway along his path he thinks he spots MC and falters in his step, blinking. He decides to hang back, watching the figure enter his room with a great deal of curiosity and resists every urge to burst in after her. He hears MC speak into his pillow, her voice muffled but clearly despondent: “I miss you, Comte. I hope you get back home soon…” 
Comte pretty much dies right there. I literally have no better explanation for it. He freezes, his heart sputters and stops. He’s just completely taken aback. 
And then, naturally, he goes about feral with desire as is his modus operandi: “Oho, I heard something incredibly cute just now. Were you also having a hard time spending so long apart?”
MC: “…!”
[Startled, she turns around and her eyes widen and widen.]
MC: “Comte, how...”
Comte: “Took a detour in areas with less rain.”
MC: “?? Wouldn’t that still be hard in weather like this?”
Comte: “I told the coachman I wanted to see you as soon as possible. Even if it was only for a second, I wanted to spend today with you…”
[Everything I was thinking while in the carriage spills out of me long before I can help it. I am reminded again of just how utterly irreplaceable an existence MC is in my life.]
Comte: “Even so, it seems interesting that I would find you in my bed”
MC: “...! A--Ah, I’m so sorry for entering without permission!”
[I quickly grab hold of her before she can scramble out of my bed, coaxing her to sink back into the sheets.]
In between a lot of intense making out and [redacted], the larger overtone is that her reciprocated ardor just destroys him inside:
MC: “It was...because I couldn’t stop thinking about you, about wanting to see you…”
Comte: “!”
[You know just how to drive me mad with desire.]
Comte: “I’m the same...the first thing I did was look for you. Even though it was only a few days, your voice, your body, everything...I missed you”
[Because today, our ‘now’--I never want to lose a single moment with you as long as you’re by my side...]
Comte: “I’m so happy to be able to be with you, right here and right now.”
It gets funny too because Comte is trying to take it slow, but when she tells him “Happy birthday” and goes on to say she was so glad to greet the day he was brought into the world by his side, he just loses all control LMFAO. It ends with them getting more heated and [redacted], to the point where he doesn’t even hear the clock strike midnight. 
And if him being the cutest and sexiest romantic wasn’t obvious enough, he spends the next morning just sighing blissfully with her in his arms:
[The next morning, when I wake up, MC is still fast asleep. I mean, given she only fell asleep a few hours ago. I’m still reveling in the afterglow of a sweet night filled with her cries, the way she looked at me and held me. MC...]
[I relax to the sound of her breathing steady with sleep, stroking gently at her hair as I hug her from behind.]
Comte: “I’ve had countless birthdays. In an endless life, I was convinced it was just a day that would come and go every time.”
Comte: “It was only after meeting you that I could understand there was no such thing as an overlapping or identical moment. I don’t want to miss a single second by your side...that’s what I think now.”
[I admit the truth of my heart, brushing a kiss against her cheek. Over and over and over again, showering her in my affection--]
But dun dun dun!!! MC was awake the whole time, so when she fidgets a little at how ticklish his kisses are, he 👁
[Oh, I see. Well then, two can play at that game...]
Comte: “Your punishment is to stay in my arms just as we are...how’s that?”
He gets his mischievous (and hilarious) revenge for being revealed (HORNY TIME), though it’s so suffused with love it’s hard to call it revenge hahaha. She reminds him to go easy on her because they have his birthday party to attend later, and he agrees~
Honestly after such killer hurt/comfort spice fluff, I can only tremble at the thought of what his 5th year bday story will be
It’s either going to be Some Angst^TM or even more killer fluff, and either way that means my days are numbered
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beyoncesdragon · 3 years
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title: catch up now? 
× pairing: Idol!Jungkook x Interviewer!Reader, old friends from highschool kinda stuff, abandoned but maybe rediscovered love on both sides. 
× summary: Three years are a long time. In three years, many things can and will change. But three years hadn’t been quite enough to change how two people feel about each other. 
× warnings: a little teeny bit angsty but it’s nothing, really. Mainly fluff, some flustered, overly eager Gguk and old memories coming up. 
× wordcount: 2k
× a/n: Not gonna lie, this might be one of my favourite pieces I've ever written. I really hope you enjoy this too! it’s somehow inspired by ‘Love Maze’ (BTS) and also ‘50 Proof’ (eaJ). Will probably not have a pt.2
main masterlist | bts masterlist
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When he had read the name of the interview host - or hostess more like - Jungkook had already felt the familiar tingle in the pit of his stomach that he had thought had disappeared over the course of time. Yet, he wasn’t surprised that it was still there.
He had however not dared to hope that it could actually be you, there sure were other people called (Y/N) (Y/L/N), who has pursued their dream of becoming an interviewer, media person, whatnot. He didn’t even know if you had actually graduated uni and made it in the job, hence he hadn’t seen any of you in about four years of him debuting now. He had occasionally checked out your Instagram or Twitter, yet he shied away from following you on any social media platform. You weren’t really public about your work or personal life on both, you mainly retweeted stuff (he found out about your love for Bingsu and Makgeolli ice cream like that) and posted a few selfies or landscapes. He hoped that you had been able to pursue your dream of traveling around for a bit, in South Korea and outside of it. Though again, he didn’t know.
Jimin was seated right in front of him and Jungkook couldn’t help but nervously play with his hyungs honey blond dyed hair. Jimin chuckled surprised yet amused about his open display of nervousness and turned around slowly.
“Everything okay, Jungkook-ah? You seem more nervous than usually.” He remarked, making Namjoon look over to the maknae in wonder. “He does, right? I thought so too. Did something happen?” Jungkook only shook his head.
Not yet, he thought to himself.
The cameras around them started to blink all at once, the light has been set up correctly and the camera and sound team had settled down around them in the dark. Manager and publicists stood somewhere in the back, swallowed up by the dark. The only person that was missing still, was you. Or the person called (Y/N) (Y/L/N), Jungkook tried to tell himself.
Suddenly there was a soft laugh from somewhere off the scenes and his heart tripped over its own beat and finally, finally, you stepped into the light.
You looked pretty as ever, grown into your features entirely, like a lotus flower finally in full bloom. Jungkook had to swallow dry. The light coral red of your lip balm complimented your skin and the subtle almost invisible make up you wore, accentuated your already beautiful features even more. You hadn’t changed your hair much, but it was a bit longer and looked so soft in the bright light. His eyes almost subconsciously darted to your fingers, searching for evidence of a possible relationship. He was almost ashamed how quickly he ended up thinking about this, his own boldness making him even more flustered. (There was no formal looking ring on your ringfinger though, to his relief.)
There was a warm smile on your lips as you bowed deeply to them all, greeting them respectfully. The boys returned your greeting immediately and a bunch of annyeong haseyo-s sounded through the studio. Jungkook felt Namjoon look over at him again, a piercing gaze Jungkook knew he wouldn’t be able to withstand if he met it. So he just kept looking at everything but Namjoon...not that this was hard to do when you were right in front of him.
“Thank you so much for being here with us.” You said with a smile, looking at everyone with the same look of respect and polite distance. Like you were supposed to, at work, as a professional. Like you didn't know them personally. Everyone, including Jungkook.
He felt his heart drop to his stomach. Could it be that you...forgot about him? It couldn’t really be, right? How would you actually be able to, you really...in this moment your eyes crossed again and something flickered in your eyes, a facade crumbled for a few seconds only. It was an amused twinkle, like a cheeky wink and a minimal curl of your lips. 
Acknowledgement.
And Jungkook’s heart did multiple flips, breath caught in his throat and eyes widened.
You had started with the questions, keeping the conversation light and flowing. The vibe in the room was comfortable and built up on mutual respect - yet Jungkook felt as if he was sitting on red-hot needles. He wanted to talk to you, ask about how you had been, what you were doing (if you had a boyfriend) if you were happy, if you got a cat, how your mother’s little business was going (he’d anonymously purchased countless items, to support your family), if your favourite colour still was cyan blue and your still religiously bought Pajeon and Makgeolli on rainy days, if you ever spent a second of your day thinking of him (because he did).
Him, your somewhat ex-best friend from highschool, him, the one you spent hours talking to in the ungodly hours of the morning, him who you had lost your first kiss to (though lost wasn’t the right word: you gave it to him more like). Him who you had poked fun of when the first girl approached him in his Rookie days and he’d been flustered to no end.
Him, who had promised to you that he wouldn’t abandon your friendship and yet the two of you drifted apart anyways.
Not for the lack of trying on either side though. Jungkook’s schedule had just become even fuller, his nights shorter, training longer and fans more obsessive. And you had seen each other less often, greetings were shorter and late night talks turned into good night wishes over text quicker.
You on your part weren’t mad, a little disappointed maybe. Sad for sure, but not mad. After all, you had expected it to turn out like that. So had the rest of your little circle, Haneul, Hwang, Kyong and Myunghee. Whilst the five of you had supported Jungkook on his journey with all you’ve got, you all tried to overcome the obvious pain of him drifting off.
Some (mainly Hwan and Kyong) with working harder in school for example. You did that too, but sometimes you also partied a little harder, were awake at three AM a little more often, missed him a lot more. It hurt letting someone you love go.
Jungkook and you had always been a bit...closer. Why you didn’t know, how you couldn’t possibly explain. But you were and him rising into the heights and new dimensions of being an idol destroyed this almost completely. This strange world of fame, those walls of flashing cameras, the flow of expensive goods and seas of screaming people, that was his world. He was a star, figuratively and somewhat literally. He shone more radiant, higher, longer, prettier and too bright for an innocent, young love to coexist.
So you stayed behind, soon having lost his number due to him having to change it, his contact information soon had less to say than what you could find on the internet.
His new hair colour? Well, you could google it. Height? Current weight? Several fan sights knew the answer. Achievements? The internet again.
 It was strange, ridiculous to some extent. And it hurt. But you couldn’t blame him, so you never did.
When you had heard that you would be interviewing BTS last week you could help but feel scared. You hadn’t seen him face to face for three or so years, three years with no FaceTime, texting, three years of not seeing his bunny smile, smiled just for you.
And when you had seen him again, laid eyes on him for the first time in thirty-five months, you realised that nothing you ever felt for him had faded away. It was all the same again, your heart still jumped in your chest and your stomach still fluttered whenever he did as much as breathing. The only thing that had changed was his height and him having had the biggest glow up you had witnessed in your life, yours included – though this Jungkook would disagree vehemently. 
This Jungkook who got pulled out of his thoughts and memories almost violently, as you directed a first question at him only.
“I…” he started, gulping hardly, having forgotten the question already halfway.
“Sorry I can’t – how have you been?” you stopped shortly, stunned and a tad confused at first. You hadn’t expected him to be so bold. Or clumsy, for that matter. Yet you couldn’t help but giggle, and all the unsaid words and ignored truths between the two of you disappeared into smoke, taking all tension with them. Just like that.
“I’ve been fine, Gukie. Busy. Long-time no see, hm. How about you?” somewhere behind the cameras someone dropped a pen and there were multiple gasps being heard. The rest of the bangtan boys didn’t look any better; Jimin had his mouth open, Taehyung was looking back and forth between the two of you, Yoongi just froze, Jin and Hoseok had clasped their hands in front of their mouths and Namjoon just looked like someone poured a bucket of ice water over his head.
But Jungkook? Jungkook was smiling widely, his bunny smile, smiled just for you. 
“Busy too. Yes, very long time no see.” He replied sheepishly, a small laugh escaping his lips as he looked around the dead silent studio. “Why…how do you know each other?” Yoongi finally asked, eyes snapping back and forth between the two of you.
“Well I guess we have to tell them now. We know each other from back in Highschool. We were pretty close friends back then.” You explained softly, giving him a small smile. Jungkook nodded quickly. “My apologies. I didn’t wanted to completely ruin the interview but…I haven’t seen you in three or so years. Sorry.” You waved it off. “It’s okay, Jungkook. We will catch up later, alright?” Jungkook nodded, making the mistake of looking over to Namjoon, who looked like he finally understood everything. “Is that why you were so…never mind.” He ended in a mumble and Jungkook was glad he did.
The second the interview was officially finished and all the cameras shut off, Jungkook was on his feet and approaching you. He didn’t even care about formalities anymore as he just wrapped his arms around you and pulled you into a tight hug.
The first thing he noticed was that he couldn’t nestle his face in the crook of your neck as easy as he had been able to do in high-school. The second thing was that you had changed your perfume into something more flowery and fresh. The third thing he noticed was how much he liked having you in his arms again, especially because he could now rest his head on top of yours.
The first thing you noticed was how broad your Kookie had become. Broad and tall and firm everywhere. The second thing you noticed was how he smelled more expensive, faintly musky but still very much like Jungkook. A scent you could pick out from a thousand, unique and everything you loved. The third thing you noticed was how familiar and how looked after you felt in his arms, how protected from every harm. You had missed this feeling.
“Aigoo, Junkookie!” Jin yelled from behind, causing you to chuckle embarrassed and trying to break the hug. But Jungkook simply tightened his arms around you, having no intentions of letting you go any time soon.
“Just ignore them. They’ll leave, eventually.” His voice was muffled by the skin on your neck, since he had now buried his face there, taking deep breaths.
“And we?” you asked with a small laugh, not moving either. “We stay. We catch up. Got a lot of that to do.” Sounded good enough to you…just that you had expected them to make a bee-line for the exit after the cameras cut due to their busy schedule.
“Catch up now?” you asked after a few seconds of him still having his arms around you, unmoving. The young man shook his head.
“No…not right now.” He took a deep breath, hiding his face in the crook of your neck, mumbling against your skin and the fabric of your blouse. 
“In five minutes. Let me just hold you for a little while, you…you have no idea how much I missed you.” 
If he only knew.
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— ✩ thank u for reading ✩ —
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waitimcomingtoo · 4 years
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Far From Her
Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader
Synopsis: the school trip to Europe makes you and Peter reexamine your relationship 
(post endgame, during far from home)
hope you’re all staying safe  
Masterlist
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You gave it five months.
Five months of strictly platonic friendship following the blip before you and Peter got back together.
You were together for 8 months before it all happened. And when you came back, you both decided that if you still wanted to be together at the end of the five months, you would be. But, it you found that you worked better as friends, you’d stay that way.
Rebuilding your friendship with Peter was more enjoyable than you thought. You found yourself slowly rediscovering why you fell for him in the first place instead of forcing yourself to be with him. It was a good plan, though you missed him. But the Peter that blipped wasn’t the Peter that came back. This new Peter had seen things the other Peter hadn’t. He was sadder, and a little more guarded. He was still a good friend, but in no position to be a boyfriend. That’s why when you suggested the five month break, Peter was more than relieved. He loved you, that hadn’t changed, but he some needed time to himself. Spider-Man had become a beacon of hope for New York and Peter was feeling every ounce of that weight.
You weren’t blind to this. At a press conference May was hosting, you could see how overwhelmed Peter was, even through his mask. When he slipped away from the journalists to get some air, you followed him to the roof to check if he was alright.
“Hey.” You shut the door to the roof behind you and walked to Peter.
“Hey.” He said, relieved that it was just you. He held your hand as you sat down so you wouldn’t fall.
“You looked like you could use the company of someone who doesn’t know how to work a camera.” You commented and he gave you a half smile.
“Something like that.” He nodded before turned his attention to the horizon. You watched his face, noticing how tired and worn out he looked. You rubbed his back in slow circles to wordlessly let him know you were there for him.
“I know you have a lot on your plate right now, but you’re doing a great job. Just seeing your face is bringing people comfort.” You said softly. His jaw tightened as you spoke as if he was trying to keep himself from crying. You put your arm around his shoulder and pulled him in, not pressuring him to say anything back.
“I don’t know. What if I’m just giving them false hope? Everyone wants something from me, and I don’t know how much left to give.” He said quietly without looking at you. You tilted his chin to face you and gave him a comforting smile.
“You’ve already given so much. Just take it easy for a while.” You asked of him. He gave you a half baked smile and nodded.
“What about you? Is there anything you want from me?” He switched to a lighter tone.
“All I want from you is your company.” You grinned at him and he laughed.
“I can manage that.” He told you. You smiled at each other, just appreciating the others company.
“There’s actually something I wanted to ask you.” You remembered and Peter sighed as if he knew what was coming.
“Yes, there are aliens in space. I saw one.” He shuddered and you laughed in surprise.
“That’s not what I was gonna ask but we are definitely gonna get back to that later.” You chuckled. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay with me going on the Europe trip.”
“Of course I am. Why wouldn’t I be?” Peter asked, who had been looking forward to spending the time with you.
“Because, I don’t know.” You suddenly felt awkward. “I know we agreed to rebuild our friendship before getting back together, but this might be too much too soon. Europe is very romantic and it could push us before we’re ready.”
“How so?” He tilted his head to the side.
“I don’t know, Peter. You might see me eating a baguette and think damn, I need her so bad. I need her so bad.” You said and he leaned into you as he laughed. “It might cripple you completely, if we’re honest. Who knows if you’ll ever recover?”
“I think I’ll be okay.” He assured you. “And where are you getting this baguette from? We’re going to Italy.”
“They have baguettes in other parts of the world, dude. God, you disappear for 5 years and come back acting like you don’t know nobody.” You joked, making Peter laugh again.
“Alright, alright. What about you, though? What if you see me eating some gelato and fall irrevocably in love with me?” He dished it back and you burst out laughing. “What if you’re so turned on by the sight of me eating that creamy gelato that you become paralyzed?”
“I hear that happens a lot, actually.” You told him. “You’re such a good friend for thinking of me.”
“I try, I try.” He agreed. Your laughter died down and he looked at you fondly. “I’m glad we’re doing this. I need a break from it all. Not from you, though.”
“Me too.” You looked up at him before resting your head on his shoulder. You sat in comfortable silence for a while, just taking the time to be with each other.
~
You weren’t in Italy for even five hours before you were attacked. You had been standing by the docks, talking to Peter when a giant wave came from the water. You made eye contact from a distance and he gave you a knowing nod. He helped Ned and Betty out of a boat as he made his way to you.
“What is that?” You asked him as the water took shape.
“I’m not really sure. It wasn’t in any of the pamphlets.” The wheels in Peters brain turned as he thought of his next move.
“I’ll make sure everyone on the ground is safe. Try to get as high as you can and do your whole spider thing.” You strategized and he turned his attention back to you.
“Okay.” Peter nodded right as a massive wave was sent your way. He wrapped one arm around you and used the other to shoot a web at the wall. You both flew back against the wall and he covered you with his body as the wave hit.
“I gotta go. Be safe.” He instructed before he turned to swing away.
“Peter, wait.” You called, still pressed against the wall. He turned back to you and you grabbed his face, kissing him like it’d be the last time. “Please make it back this time.”
All he could do was nod before you ran after your friends. He watched you even after you had left before swinging to the tallest building to fight the water.
~
“Hey, Pete.” You leaned against his doorframe in your pajamas later that night. Unbeknownst to you, a very impatient Nick Fury was also in the room. Peter smiled at little at the sight of you ready for bed, but quickly cleared his throat when he remembered Nick Fury was losing his patience.
“Hey, uh, hi.” He stumbled over his words as an angry look crossed Fury’s face.
“Can I come in?” You asked and Peter looked to Fury for approval. Fury took a gun out from his hip and pointed it at you, out of your sight. Peter gulped and shook his head.
“No!” He held up a hand to keep you from coming any closer. “Ned is sleeping and you might wake him.” He said the first excuse he could think of.
“Oh, okay. No problem.” Your face faltered a little and Peter knew heaven was unintentionally hurting your feelings. He looked at Fury again, who looked like he was ready to kill Peter, and Peter had a feeling he’d do it.
“He’s really sleepy.” Peter said, never taking his eyes off Fury.
“Right.” You nodded awkwardly. “Do you have a minute to talk? About before?”
“Before?” Peter squeaked, playing dumb so you wouldn’t bring up the kiss in front of Fury.
“When we -uh- when I, you know…” You trailed off, wondering if he really didn’t remember you kissing him.
“Right, that. Totally forgot about that.” Peter lied. “Can we talk about it some other time maybe? I’m really busy right now.”
“Busy brushing your teeth?” You half laughed and nodded to his toothbrush. Peter looked to Fury for help, but found none.
“Dental hygiene is very important.” Peter stated.
“Sure. Some other time, then.” You nodded curtly and left his room. Peter sighed in relief when you walked away.
“That was my-“ He tried to explain.
“I don’t care.” Fury boomed. “Next person to walk through that door gets shot.”
Peter complied and reluctantly followed Fury onto a boat, thinking about you the whole ride.
~
After having to ditch you at the opera to fight an elemental, Peter positioned himself outside your door with an apology ready. You had made plans to sit together before Peter remembered he had previous arrangements. He slapped his face to react himself and knocked on your door. Every second he waited for you to open him brought more anxiety. Finally, you opened the door to him and your face saddened.
“Hey.” You said softly.
“Hi.” Peter responded, nervously shouldering his backpack.
“I missed you at the opera.” You spoke. Peter sighed in defeat and nodded.
“I was sick.” He barely committed to his lie.
“Right.” You nodded, not believing it when Ned told you the first time and not believing it now.
“Did you maybe want to go on a walk?” Peter asked timidly. “I feel like we haven’t gotten a chance to talk really since we got here, and I have something I want to tell you.”
“Yea, sure.” You said, knowing what was coming. “I’ll grab my jacket.”
You and Peter walked a few paces from the hotel until you were past the entry way. Peter dug his hands in his pockets, looking nervous and unsure of himself. You studied his body language and chewed your bottom lip, his nerves giving you nerves.
“Y/n, I-“ Peter began.
“Don’t want to get back together.” You finished his sentence for him with a defeated but accepting look in your eye. Peters entire body retracted in confusion at your statement. He was about to tell you he loved you and wanted to get back together. After the kiss, he thought you felt the same way.
And then you hit him with that.
“What?” He stammered.
“It’s fine, Peter. You don’t have to say it. I got all your hints.” You folded your arms, putting your guard up. Peters felt a twinge of pain at your actions. He never wanted to be someone you needed to guard yourself around.
“My hints?” He repeated. “Wait, what?”
“In your room the other night.” You reminded him like it was obvious. “You refused to talk about the kiss. You wouldn’t even look at me.” You said the last part like it stung you to even think about.
“I have a reason.” He promised, realizing he was losing his handle on the situation quicker than he wanted.
“What’s your reason?” You asked. Peter was dumbfounded for a moment. He was specifically instructed not to tell you his reason.
“It’s a secret reason.” He offered timidly and you rolled your eyes.
“Is it the same reason you ditched me at the opera?” You humored and you shoved your hands in your pockets.
“Yes.” He said weakly.
“How convenient.” You laughed bitterly and distanced yourself from him.
“It’s a really good secret reason!” He pleaded with you to understand.
“I bet it is.” You looked up at the sky to keep from crying. “You don’t have to lie to me, Peter. You obviously took me on this walk to tell me you didn’t want to get back together.”
“I’m not lying. I took you on this walk because I wanted to talk to you for once. And I wanted to sit with you at the opera.” Peters voice cracked as he got emotional. “I really, really did. But I have a lot going on that I’m not allowed to tell you about. You think I don’t want to be walking the streets of Italy, holding your hand? I would so much rather be spending every second of this vacation with you than what I have to be doing.” He cried as you stood silently. “I’d love to talk about the kiss. I’d love to hear about every second of that four hour opera from your perspective. But I can’t. You have to believe me when I tell you, I just can’t.”
“Honestly, I don’t know why I’m even upset.” You shrugged and wiped a tear from your cheek. “I should be used to you leaving by now.”
“What are you talking about?” He panted.
“You left the bus when we were going to MOMA. Ned told me you jumped off to follow that space ship.” You brought up for the first time since The Blip. Peter tilted his head in confusion, never knowing that bothered you.
“The Avengers needed me. I had to go.” He said like it was obvious.
“Did they call for you?” You questioned and Peter was caught off guard.
“No.” He realized, still not knowing why it mattered.
“I did.” You told him. “When the cars piled up because drivers had disappeared from their cars, I looked for you. And when our bus got hit from the back because the person driving behind us turned to dust, I called out your name. And when kids started faded away, kids I knew, I started to cry because I couldn’t find you. With dust in my lungs, dust made up of my classmates, I cried out for you. And you weren’t there. You were off helping the Avengers.”
“I didn’t know that.” Peter said quietly. You looked at him with a pained expression.
“You abandoned me, Peter.” You whimpered as tears fell down your cheeks. “Now I know that if the world was ending, I wouldn’t even cross your mind. How is that supposed to make me feel?”
“I didn’t know what was gonna happen.” He tried to defend his actions, but even he knew what he did was wrong. He left you during the most traumatic moment of your life.
“But you knew something was gonna happen. And when given the choice, you chose to run to the Avengers instead of me. And I bet Mr. Stark tried to send you home. I bet he told you to leave but you wouldn’t go, am I right?” You asked and Peter reluctantly nodded. “I know it’s selfish of me to even think this. A part of me knows that this is your job and you had to go. But the other part, the other part of me really wishes I could’ve seen my boyfriend one last time before I disappeared. Is that selfish?”
“No.” Peter sniffled as his heart broke.
“I don’t mean to blame you. But Peter, you jumped out of a moving bus and swung away without anybody seeing you. I’m pretty sure you could’ve tapped me on shoulder and told me you were gonna leave. I could’ve gone with you. I could’ve helped.” You said weakly and Peter could see just how hurt you were. How hurt he made you.
“You could’ve gotten hurt.” He protested.
“Look at me, Peter. Do I not look hurt to you?” You laughed sadly.
“I didn’t think when I saw the spaceship. I just acted.” He tried to defend his actions, but even he knew he was in the wrong.
“I didn’t even get a goodbye.” You looked down and hugged your jacket to your body as Peter realized what this was about. You didn’t want him to not help the Avengers. You just wanted a goodbye from your boyfriend before he ran off to space to fight a war he didn’t start.
“I’m sorry.” Peter said sincerely. He took a step towards you and you took a step back.
“I was looking for you as my body turned to dust. I just needed to see your face one last time to know everything was going to be okay.” You mumbled. “Were you looking for me too?”
“I don’t know.” Peter shrugged in defeat. You both knew he wasn’t. In the heat of the moment, you hadn’t even crossed his mind.
“I don’t know either. Maybe that’s the answer, though. Maybe we’re just too different now. I know we broke up to find ourselves, but maybe the people we found aren’t meant to be with each other.” You found some strength in your voice as you took the emotional upper hand.
“I don’t believe that.” Peter insisted, grasping at the straws of your relationship.
“Look at the material, Peter!” You stated. “Can you honestly look at me and say I’m the girl you fell in love with?”
“No.” Peter said after a moment of contemplation. “You’re not her.”
“But that’s who you want.” You said tearfully. “That’s who you look for everytime you look into my eyes. You want the girl who lived across the hall who you used to stay up all night watching movies with, and the girl you knew like the back of your hand. She’s the one you look for, but it’s me who disappoints you when you can’t find her.”
“But I love you.” Peter swore.
“And I love you.” You told him.
“More than I’ve ever loved anything in my life.” He continued.
“But what if that’s all we have? We can say we love each other, but do we know each other? Can we still read each other? Or am I just a stranger you think you recognize?” You tilted your head and he thought about it.
“I don’t know.” He said, dumbfounded again.
“I don’t think I want to find out.” You said before digging through your bag. You pulled out a black device covered in Peters webs and shoved it into his hands. “Here. I found this by the Ferris wheel. I was there, by the way. And apparently, so were you.” You said as you began to walk back towards the hotel. Peter looked at the device curiously before calling o to you.
“Please don’t go.” He begged you, his heating up with panic.
“I’m taking a page out of your book, Peter.” You called, never looking back.
Peter held the device in his hands, watching you walk away until his vision was blurred with tears. He dropped the device to rub his eyes, causing it to project an elemental monster he hadn’t seen before. When Peter saw Mysterio flying around in the projection, he realized leaving you wasn’t the only mistake he had made that day.
~
Peter found himself battered and bruised on Happy’s jet after he tried to tell Fury about Mysterio. Mysterio somehow got ten steps ahead and nearly broke Peters will to go on with his illusions.
Nearly, but not quite.
As Peter sat in the jet, entire body aching and head throbbing, he thought of you. It might be impossible to take down Mysterio on his own, but he’d do it if it meant you’d be safe.
“Can you dial Nick Fury’s number on my phone? I gotta get started on this suit.” Peter asked as he tossed his phone to Happy. Happy opened the phone app and was alarmed with the number of notifications Peter had.
“Do you ever check your voicemail?” Happy said when he saw the multiple messages in Peters inbox.
“My what?” Peter asked as he finished up the suit.
“Voice mail. The messages people leave when you don’t answer their calls.” Happy explained like it was obvious.
“That’s a thing?” Peter wondered and Happy looked unamused.
“I hate teenagers.” He grumbled. “Look at this, 28 from May, 13 from Ned, 6 from Y/n. Isn’t that your girlfriend?”
“From Y/n? From when?” Peter walked to Happy and peered at the phone.
“April 10th 2018.” Happy read the date.
“That’s the day we all blipped.” Peter realized. “Can I see that?”
“It’s your phone, man.” Happy said tiredly as he handed the phone to Peter. Peter quickly played your message and put it on speaker phone.
“Hey, Peter. Its Y/n. I don’t know where you went but I’m getting kinda worried. The sky got really dark all the sudden and the road is building up like crazy. Can you call me please? I just need to know you’re safe. Alright. I love you. Call me back.” Your voice sounded through the phone. Peter listened with a pained expression as he played another one.
“Hey Peter. It’s me again. The bus got hit by another car. I don’t…I don’t know if I’m gonna make it out of this. I love you. Wherever you are. Okay. Bye.” A tearful message played. Happy took Peters phone before he could torture himself with another message.
“I messed up.” Peter said stolidly as tears fell from his eyes.
“Yea, kid, you did.” Happy agreed. Peter didn’t say anything, just cried silent tears as Happy watched.
“Look, if she was dumb enough to date you, she’ll be dumb enough to take you back. Okay?” Happy tried to comfort him.
“I gotta see her.” Peter decided, wiping his face.
“Sure. Just save Europe first, if you could. Then you can talk to your girlfriend.” Happy bartered. Peter nodded and readied himself to enact the plan.
~
A few hours later, Peter limped along Tower Bridge after taking down Mysterio. He was exhausted, dirty, and in a desperate need to see you. He looked around for a moment, thinking he heard your voice, but ultimately decided it was his imagination playing tricks on him.
“Peter!” He heard your voice again and heard footsteps accompanying it. He stumbled through the smoke until he saw you running towards him.
“Y/n?” Peter asked before your arms were thrown around him. He immediately hugged you back, squeezing his eyes tightly shut to keep from breaking down. “I thought I lost you.”
“I know the feeling.” You squeezed him back, apologizing and making up all in one hug. You tucked some hair behind your ear and gave him a tight smile. “Is Mysterio gone?”
“Yea, he’s gone.” Peter said as you rubbed some dirt off his face.
“So everything’s okay now?” You asked, giving him a once over to check for injuries.
“No, it’s not.” Peter shook his head. “Nothing will ever be okay as long as you and I are broken up.”
“I understand what you’re trying to say, but in the current context of our situation, I just feel like that was out of pocket.” You told him.
“I don’t care.” He protested. “Y/n, I just got hit by train, jumped out of a jet, and nearly got shot in the head. But during all of that, all I could think about was seeing your face again.”
“You got hit by a train in broad daylight?” You repeated.
“I think I only survived because I knew I had to come back to you.” He laughed lightly. You stoped thinking about the train and looked at him fondly, taking in what he had said.
“Peter.” You bit your trembling lip and rested your arms around his shoulder. He pulled you by the waist and rested his forehead against yours.
“When I was laying on that train seat, bleeding out, the only thing I could think of was you.” He said softly. “You made a lot of good points on our walk. I did leave you that day on the bus. And you’re right. You’re not the girl I fell in love with.”
You pulled away a little and looked at him curiously. All he gave you was a smile.
“You’re braver, smarter, stronger, and more badass than that girl ever thought she could be. And the girl I see today? The girl I see when I look into your eyes, I’m in love with her.”
“In love with me?” You smiled at his confession.
“Yes.” He confirmed.
“Was it the gelato?” You teased and he let out a laugh.
“It might’ve been.” He said before pulling you into a long awaited kiss. You pulled apart after a moment but stayed in each other’s embrace.
“I’m gonna change.” Peter mumbled. “I won’t abandon you this time. I don’t ever want to be far from you again.”
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the road not taken
summary: you live in la, he lives in seoul. you don’t think it’s ever going to work out, but he believes otherwise. especially when every year on the holidays, both of you rediscover that your hearts are still in chicago. aka the conversations that had you rethinking your relationship.   pairing: johnny suh x reader genre: angst, friends with benefits (but only on the holidays lmao — implied sex, so no actual smut), some fluff at the end kinda word count: 2637
part of my tales from the lakes series inspired by taylor swift’s ‘tis the damn season
___
Truth be told, despite the fact that you were neighbors and your parents were quite close with his, you didn’t know much about Johnny in the years you spent growing up in the suburbs of Chicago. Sure, you caught glimpses of him from your bedroom practicing whatever song or dance routine he felt like he needed to improve on. More often than not, you’d find yourself laughing as he accidentally bumped into a shelf or slip and fall over on the floor. And he would be lying if he said he hadn’t taken a peek out his window to watch you running lines, a script in you hand as you paced around the room, a smile creeping on his face as he watches you shake your head every time you forget a line. In a way, you both formed some sort of a relationship as you silently cheered the other on in whatever endeavor you put your minds to.
He wanted you to succeed just as much as you wanted him to succeed. 
But when he moved to Korea to pursue a career as an idol, and you to LA for acting, there were little to no opportunities to actually begin a proper conversation. 
It wasn’t until in December of 2017, when both of your parents decided to have a joint Christmas dinner in celebration of both their children coming home for the holidays for the first time in years. They thought it was time for you two to meet, having settled in your respective career paths. Maybe they also wanted to see how the two of you would get along, but they would never admit it even if you ask. 
“I don’t think we’ve ever formally met.” He told you once he entered your parents’ house and offering a hand for you to shake, “I’m Johnny.”
“Yn.” You replied, taking his hand in yours, “And, trust me, I know exactly who you are.”
He raised an eyebrow at your statement as he let go of your hand, you shivered at the immediate loss of contact, your hand immediately growing colder at the absence of his. 
“NCT?” You asked tentatively, testing the waters of what could possibly be an exciting new friendship.  
“Ah yeah,” he sheepishly smiled, reaching a hand to scratch the back of his neck, “I guess there’s no use in pretending I don’t know who you are either.”
It was now your turn to raise an eyebrow at him, crossing your arms in front of your chest, “Hmmm?”
“I’ve seen pretty much every show you’ve ever been on.” Johnny clarified, but his tone suggested a bit of embarrassment on his part, “The other members don’t believe me when I tell them I practically grew up next to you.”
“I guess I could say the same.” You replied with a shrug, but you offered him a reassuring smile “Nobody really believes me when I tell them a Kpop star used to be my neighbor.” 
“Perhaps we need better friends then.” He joked, but your gaze was fixated on the way the curve of his lips moved with each word that left his mouth. Johnny had always been attractive, whether it be through your bedroom window or your computer screen. But now here he stood, in front of you, bare faced in black jeans and a gray sweatshirt and somehow he had never looked more alluring. 
Johnny noticed you watching him, but he never called you out on it. Maybe because he was too busy thinking about how soft your hand was when he shook it, imagining how it must feel running over his skin. Or how your hair seemed fall perfectly, framing your face in a way that was enticing him for reasons he couldn’t exactly figure out. 
“Care for a drink?” You asked, breaking the brief period of tense silence that had fallen between the two of you, leading him to the makeshift bar your parents had near the kitchen. 
He smirked, placing his hands inside the pockets of his jeans, “I thought you’d never ask.”
And maybe it was because of both of your parents deciding to turn in early and the three bottles of wine that was shared between the two of you that had you pinned against the wall of your childhood bedroom, quietly giggling into his lips as he went in for another kiss. He drunkenly mumbled words that you couldn’t quite understand, but he was telling you to keep quiet. You knew you should have stopped him the second planted his lips onto yours, and he knew he should’ve pulled away when you started taking off his shirt. Maybe then you wouldn’t have woken uncomfortably cuddled up on your twin-sized bed and sneaking him out of the house before your parents could wake up. 
But both of you enjoyed the way your bodies seemed to be made just for the other too much to stop, and thus, a tradition of sorts was formed. 
2018. 
One particular night the following year had you driving around the city, Johnny had one hand on the steering wheel while the other held yours, his thumb rubbing comforting circles on the back of your hand. But it did everything but comfort you or himself. Since the previous year, you and Johnny grew much closer than either have you had anticipated. You thought it would all end after that first night or maybe when you flew back to LA, and him back to Seoul. But it had been seemingly impossible to move away from whatever relationship that began to form, as both of you sacrificed nights of well warranted sleep to call or text the other, soon enough both of you were in too deep to easily get out. 
“Penny for your thoughts?” You asked, taking note of how the streetlights perfectly illuminated his face. He had been unusually quiet and you were growing tired of the Christmas songs that had been blasting on every radio station for the past few hours. 
“It’s nothing.” He sighed as he turned to an unfamiliar street, you knew better than to believe that it was truly nothing. But you also knew him well enough to not to push it. 
“Where are we going then?”
Johnny replied with a shrug, continuing down the foreign path, he knew neither of you had been to this particular part of town but at that point he’d do anything to even remotely extend the time you spent together. 
“And if we get lost?” You asked, your voice almost challenging him to turn back, but he didn’t give in. 
“Then we get lost.” He replied without missing a single beat, the corners of his mouth twitching upwards to form a smile, “You know, the road not taken tend to be the most exciting.”
“Oh wow,” You let out a laugh, and Johnny feels his heart skip the slightest of beats, “and where did that immensely profound quote come from?”
“My brilliant mind.” He grinned, briefly turning to face you. 
Johnny wished he had a camera to capture the absolute spectacle that was you. How you stared out the window, at the unfamiliar road, eyes alive with a certain curiosity. Your finger drawing little stars on the car window, pouting when it doesn’t quite look the way you wanted it to. It was at that moment he knew, you were all he wanted. 
“What are we?” He asked, causing you to jump a little in your seat, Johnny had never brought up the nature of your relationship before. 
“Friends?” You said, at an attempt to offer him an answer, but even you sounded unsure at your response which made Johnny grow hopeful. 
“Yn, friends don’t kiss.” Johnny responded, grateful that he had to keep his eyes on the road. He didn’t need you seeing right through his pretend confidence, “They sure as hell don’t sleep together”
“Sure, they do.” You joked in an attempt to lighten the mood, maybe even change the topic to something—anything— else, “I do it all the time.”
“Well, acting is different.” He let out a scoff, annoyed at the thought of you not taking the conversation seriously,  “You know what I meant.”
“I like where we are now. It’s easy.” You explained, wanting to make him understand where you were coming from, “Relationships are messy, given the industries we are in. There’s no pressure with this. With you and me.”
“But what if I wanted something more—”
“It’s never going to work.” You cut him off before he could even make his case, before he could ask you to be his. 
“Now, why do you say that?” There was a slight tremble in his voice, and you had never heard him sound so nervous, scared even. The feeling of guilt slowly crept up your system, but you shook it away before it even had the chance to fully settle in. 
“Time, distance, to begin with. Not to mention both of our very busy careers.” 
“Then I guess this is good enough for me.”
For now, he added in his head, determined to make you see otherwise. 
You smiled at him, glad to have the conversation over with and thinking that this would be the last time you’ll ever speak about it. 
2019.
Johnny wanted to prove you wrong, show you that both of you could in fact make it work. You just needed to try. Which came with more calls and texts than normal as you got to know each other more than you already did, flowers sent to you on your birthday, several little gifts every now and then, and even slowly introducing you to the other members of NCT. His efforts did not go unnoticed, but it definitely left you more confused. 
When both of you went home for the holidays that particular year, you knew something had changed. Johnny was more reserved than usual, and you would usually have to be the one to initiate sleeping together. 
“Don’t you ever get tired of doing this?” He asked, turning to face you, as you lied side-by-side on his childhood bed. 
“Doing what?” You asked, feigning confusion, preparing yourself for the inevitable conversation you had been dreading for the past few months.
“Don’t pretend like you don’t know what I’m talking about.” His voice was calm, but it chilled you to the core. 
“What do you want me to say, Johnny?” You snapped, the tone in your voice letting him know how exasperated you were as you shut your eyes, “That I like you? That I want to be with you?”
“Don’t you?”
You let out a sigh, still keeping your eyes shut. You didn’t want to look at him, he’d know if you were lying. You didn’t know if you had it in you to lie. Instead, you focused on the sound of his breathing, steady and almost reassuring. You imagined the rise and fall of his bare chest, covered by the thick white blanket. 
Johnny knew to drop the subject when you didn’t even make an attempt to answer his question, he probably didn’t want to know the answer anyways. But Johnny knew he loved you, and part of him knew you loved him back. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t have let this little charade go on for as long as it did. You just needed time. And he was more than willing to give it to you. 
“A year.”
Your eyes opened at his words, your head turned to face him,  “What?”
“I’m giving you a year.”
You didn’t have to ask again. You knew exactly what he meant, what he wanted. He wanted an answer. 
“Is this an ultimatum?”
He takes your hands in his, “It’s me letting you know that I’m serious about wanting to be with you.”
“Johnny—”
He kisses the side of your head before you could even finish your sentence, an action so tender that it caused you to forget every single coherent thought of protest. 
“Hey, you don’t have to answer me now. Just think about it. Please?”
“I will.” 
And with those two words, you stood and gathered your clothes off the floor and put them back on. He gave you a small nod as you turned to leave his room, going back into the freezing cold and leaving the warmest bed you had ever known. 
2020.
Neither of you could come home to Chicago that year. 
And so you both had to settle for a reunion through a screen. You wished that circumstances were different, but at the same time you were grateful that you didn’t have to give him an answer in person. Mainly because you didn’t have one. 
When his face appeared on your computer screen, you couldn’t help the ache that crept up in your chest at the sight of him. 
“Hey, yn.” He greeted with a smile.
You missed him.
After the exchange of pleasantries and a bit of small talk on both ends, Johnny wasted no time in getting to the purpose of your call, “I believe you owe me something.” 
“Johnny—“
“Before you say anything, I want you to know that for me, it’s always been you. After all this time, even with all the distance between us.”
Johnny moved his face closer to the camera, as if that would somehow help his point come across more genuinely. You had to stop your hand from reaching out to try and wipe the single tear that fell on his cheek.
“This is the last time I’m going to ask.” He said, trying to keep his voice from faltering too much, “After this, I won’t try to push it anymore. But I want you to tell me the truth. Don’t you wish—“
“It’s not going to work.”
“We haven’t even tried, Yn.” It almost sounded like he was pleading, begging you to give him and the two of you a chance. He wasn’t there with you in person, but he didn’t have to be for you to feel the sincerity in his words.
“I’m scared.” You whispered, finally choosing to truly let him in for the very first time since you met, “What if it doesn’t work out? I want you in my life. I don’t want to lose you.”
“You’re not going to.”
Johnny said it with such conviction, such confidence, that you felt like you had no choice but to believe him. Your eyes studied his face, looking for any sign of wariness or doubt. Only to find none. You could only find hopefulness, and maybe even love. With one final review of his features, you had made your decision. 
“Okay.”
“Okay, what?” He asked, just to make sure, but he made no attempt in holding back the grin that slowly spread across his face. The sight of which made your heart flutter. 
“We’ll try. I want to be with you.”
You let out a breath that you didn’t you had been holding as the final word left your lips. It felt like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders, the floodgates in your eyes releasing the tears it had been holding onto for months now. Nervousness still coursed through your veins, but it was mixed with a different kind of emotion: excitement. 
“You’re smiling, but you’re also crying. I’m not sure if I should be concerned.” Johnny joked, the crinkles in eyes becoming much more apparent as he stared at your face through the screen. 
“I’m still scared,” You confessed, “but I’m excited.”
Johnny couldn’t help but chuckle at your confession, waiting for you to wipe your tears away before he continued speaking, 
“Well, Yn, didn’t I tell you the road not taken would be the most exciting? Trust me, it’s looking really good now.”
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losingmymindtonight · 4 years
Text
been on a for-your-own-good imposed exile from my phone & social media since Friday, so what’s a gal gonna do except eat pizza, reread The Inheritance Cycle, and finish old fic drafts?
I humbly present: Peter can’t sleep, but Tony’s a father now, and he’s got a few tricks up his sleeve.
--
Peter was okay.
He was. That wasn’t even him being self-sacrificing (like May thought) or deferring some kind of PTSD (like Tony thought) or anything. Most of the time, he was totally, completely, undeniably okay.
As a general rule, he just didn’t think about Thanos. He was too busy for that, with planning for his school’s Europe trip and patrolling and learning how to be a big brother to Morgan and resettling a whole apartment with May and rediscovering the absolute thrill of being alive along with the other fifty percent.
He had a good life, and considering everything that had happened, he was so, so lucky.
So, Peter was okay. Despite what Tony and May seemed to think.
He only ever had problems when the sun fell.
Vigilante by day, anxious wreck by night, he thought, more than a little bitter.
There was a bone-aching frustration that came with insomnia. He couldn’t sleep, but he was tired. God, he was so, so tired. His eyelids creaked, his face was tight and worn. Every inch of him was screaming for rest.
And yet, well, here he was: awake, staring at the ceiling, mind swirling down the inescapable drain of death throes and battle heat and the memory of his DNA vibrating apart.
He clenched his fists, then slowly pried them apart. His wrists hurt, yet his webshooters were comfortingly cool on his bare skin.
“Mister Parker,” F.R.I.D.A.Y. suddenly said, and Peter still jumped despite the fact her volume had been lowered and pitched into her softer night mode. “I apologize for the intrusion, but per my protocols, I am to alert Boss if you or Morgan are awake for longer than thirty minutes from the hours of 11:00 pm to 6:00 am. I thought it was only fair to warn you that he is en route to your bedroom and you should be prepared for his arrival.”
There was a time when an alert like that would’ve filled him with annoyance. A time when he would’ve met Tony at the door with a sharp reminder of, I’m almost an adult, I can take care of myself, on his tongue. Now, though, he just felt a dull splash of surprise.
“Mister Stark has rules for if I’m awake?” He asked the ceiling, blinking slowly at the smooth molding. It was different than the popcorn texture in his apartment. Probably easier to deal with when it came to painting.
As if on cue, his door swung open. A soft, yellowish bar of light flashed over his sheets and then collapsed in on itself with a distant click. Huh. So Tony thought that this needed to be a private conversation. 
“It’s called the Cradle Protocol,” Tony offered, and despite the fact that Peter hadn’t actually looked in his direction yet, he could hear the man’s smile in the warmth of the words, like curling into a fireside on a winter’s day. “You know, in case you were wondering.”
“I wasn’t.”
“Oh? Thought you spent most of your life wondering about pretty much everything.” His bedframe creaked as Tony settled down near his hip, and suddenly Peter didn’t have much of a choice but to stare up at the man, taking in the burn scars on his face and the gray in his hair and the quiet love in his eyes. “That’s what kids are best at.”
“I’m not really a kid anymore,” he whispered, but not a single inch of the words felt defiant. God, he wanted to be a kid again. He looked back on the moments he’d spent racing to adulthood and wanted to cry. Wanted desperately to hit rewind on all of it.
“All of us are kids, in the end,” Tony said, like it was the easiest thing in the world. “And you’ll be my kid forever. Sorry. No exchanges or returns on that policy. It is how it is.”
Tony’s thumb brushed soothingly over his cheek as he spoke, and the contact was rough and calloused and so intensely familiar that Peter let his eyes squeeze shut against it, swallowing hard.
“I don’t want to exchange it,” he whispered, and somehow he felt a little ashamed to admit it. Like he was rearing up against the order of things. Or, like he was admitting the truth in a space where untruths were expected.
There was a pause. Peter blinked his eyes open again, and saw that Tony’s gaze had drifted away from him. He was looking up at the headboard, soft curves of sadness mellowing his face.
Finally, he breathed, eyes tracing their way back to Peter’s own, gentle yet intense.
“Why aren’t you asleep, Peter?”
It was a redundant thing to ask, and both of them knew it. There wasn’t a person in the world who couldn’t guess the why of that question. There were probably a million different people all around the world staring up at a million different ceilings, all cold-eyed and shivering because of the same goddamn reason.
“I don’t know,” he lied.
Was it still lying if everyone knew that what you were going to say was a lie before it even left your mouth?
Tony just nodded, like those three words had told him everything that he’d needed to know. For all Peter could figure, maybe they had.
“Alright.” Tony patted his thigh through the blankets, then stood. “C’mon. Get up.”
It probably said a lot about him, or maybe more about his relationship with Tony, that he was already climbing out of bed even as he muttered a halfhearted, “where’re we going?”
“On a mission,” Tony said, gently tugging one of Peter’s oldest and softest hoodies out of his closet and pushing it against his chest. “Put this on.”
He did as he was told, tottering lazily into the hallway, too exhausted to do anything but follow.
“What’s the mission?”
Tony glanced back just long enough for Peter to see the corner of his mouth quirk up. “I need to put my baby to sleep.”
If he hadn’t been so goddamn tired, he would’ve picked up on the wryness in Tony’s voice. As it was, he blinked hard, brain whirring against the fogginess.
“‘S Morgan awake?”
The question startled a bark of laughter out of Tony. “God, Pete. I can’t believe you’re even managing to walk in a straight line right now.”
They were at the front door, now, and Tony snatched the car keys off of their hook in the entryway and ushered him into the cool night air. Cricket chirps swelled all around them. Peter let his eyes drift shut at the sound, then smiled when he felt Tony snag the edge of his sleeve, gently guiding him over the gravel.
“Ought to get this paved, huh?” Tony muttered, almost to himself, but Peter let the words fall over him anyway. “Would make life a hell of a lot easier when we got those summer monsoons. Plus, less of a tripping hazards for the kiddos, especially when they’re half asleep.”
“‘M awake,” he protested.
“I know,” Tony said, almost under his breath. “I’m working on it.”
Peter heard a beep as one of the cars unlocked, and he forced his eyes back open. They were standing in front of Tony and Pepper’s minivan, something which Peter still couldn’t quite wrap his head around. Tony Stark owned a minivan. Sure, it was a nice minivan, with leather seats and F.R.I.D.A.Y. installed and parking sensors, but it was still a minivan.
“C’mon,” Tony muttered, using the hand that wasn’t braced against Peter’s back to pull open the passenger’s side door. “Slide in.”
He let Tony manhandle him into the seat, even though he could’ve easily done it on his own. The exhaustion had stripped his stubbornness away. The only thing left was a yearning urge to be protected, cradled, loved.
It was good, he supposed, that those three roles seemed to be Tony’s favorites to fulfill.
Tony got into the driver’s seat, then double-checked Peter’s seatbelt twice before starting the car. He cracked the back windows, and the cricket chirps and nature swell mixed hypnotically with the buzz and hum of the engine. Peter closed his eyes and took a deep breath, turning his face in Tony’s direction when he felt the man’s eyes on him.
“You’re supposed to be looking where you’re drivin’,” he murmured, knowing that his smile was all drowsy and lopsided. He could feel them moving, though, so he wasn’t wrong.
“Nobody’s out this late.”
“Still need to stay on the road.”
“Oh, hush. I’ll take no driving smack from the child with a learner’s permit.”
He yawned. “Passed the test.”
“You sure did,” Tony murmured, pride warming the words. “I’ve got that picture that May took after hanging in my office.”
“I know.” A shard of longing pierced his chest. “Felt normal that day. Jus’ for a bit.”
He opened his eyes just in time to see guilt cascade over Tony’s face. Whoops. He really hasn’t meant to make his mentor sad. He was just loopy from all the sleepless nights, wading through the detachment weighing in his head. It was hard to stay conscious and keep his filter all at once.
“I’m so sorry, Peter,” Tony said, hands gripping the wheel so tight that his knuckles flashed white under the occasional streetlamp. “I wish I could take it all away.”
Peter just blinked. God, he was tired. His brain ached with it.
“You can’t.”
And Tony couldn’t. Peter knew that. Iron Man could do a lot of things, even survive the constriction of space, but he couldn’t void memories. Nobody could.
“No,” Tony admitted, and even through the fuzziness in his head, Peter found the wherewithal to be surprised, “but I can be here.”
Peter let his eyes drift shut again. Somehow, that was all the fixing that he needed Tony to do. I can be here.
That was it, wasn’t it? It was why the memories of Thanos rung so clear at night and pitched silent during the day. Because Peter hadn’t really been afraid of dying during the battles. He’d been terrified, horrified, by the thought of being left alone.
And at night, in his bedroom, walls and doors and locks between Tony or May or anybody else who would stave off the quiet, that fear was so much easier to taste.
He was so, so afraid that at the end of it all, he’d been irreversibly alone.
“Can you talk to me?” He whispered.
He just wanted words. Something substantive in the nothingness of night. And Tony was only ever speechless when there was something to be afraid of.
He’d... He’d been silent when Peter had died. Had been silent after he’d done the Snap, too. The look on the man’s face, the lack of speech in the haze, had rung in Peter’s nightmares ever since.
He could hear the roughness in Tony’s voice when he responded, and Peter couldn’t help but wonder if he was thinking about his silence on Titan, too. If he even remembered the stillness from the Compound’s dust.
“Of course, buddy.”
And he did. He talked about Rhodey and college and the first time he met Happy. Peter found himself drifting in and out as he rambled, although he never seemed to fully wrap his hand around true sleep. He’d nearly get there, Tony’s words fading into something he couldn’t quite comprehend, and then he’d recognize the shift and jolt himself out of it.
Somehow, it was even more frustrating than what he’d been doing before. At least then, he’d known he wasn’t going to get any sleep. Here, it kept dangling in front of him. And to make it worse, every aborted attempt at sleep felt like a failure. Like he’d screwed it all up, despite all the effort Tony was putting into helping him.
“Sorry,” Peter suddenly muttered, blinking away his most recent near-rest. Tony fell silent. “Sorry, sorry.”
“Shh, Pete,” Tony soothed, right hand abandoning the steering wheel and settling on his arm. “It’s not your fault. We’ll get there.”
“‘M trying.”
“I know you are. You’re doing great.”
For a breath, Tony just rubbed Peter’s arm, breath and nature filling the car.
“I used to do this for Morgan, you know,” he finally said, voice low. “Learned it within the first month. Think I must’ve put a thousand miles on the car, driving around just for some precious minutes of peace.”
“Ben used to drive me around when I was little,” Peter mumbled, twisting until he found a comfortable position: draped over the center console, head just inches away from Tony’s elbow. The console was leather and padded, which made it a surprisingly good pillow. Plus, he was close enough to pick up the steady thrumming of Tony’s heartbeat. “I didn’t like sleeping after my parents died. Car always worked, though. Dunno why.”
Tony’s hand settled on the top of his head, and a swoosh of comfort whisked from that one point all the way down to his toes. “It’s the vibrations from the engine. Low frequencies make us tired. It mimics the sensation of being rocked to sleep.”
He smiled. Trust Mister Stark to turn anything into a physics lesson. “‘S science,” he muttered.
Tony’s thumb swiped over his temple. “It’s science,” he repeated. “Do you want another story?”
Hmm. Yes. And he wanted Tony’s hand to stay right there, too. The tips of his fingers kept brushing over the nape of his neck, and the pattern was nice. Slow. The kind of monotony that was so easy to get lost in.
“Mm.”
“How about a special one?”
“Mm.”
“Well, since you asked so nicely,” Tony said, laughter in the words. He sounded pleased, though. Peter was too busy falling asleep to figure out why. “Y’know, I never went to Queens much when I was a kid. Howard wasn’t a big fan. And then I didn’t have much of a reason to go once I was an adult. Everything I needed was in Manhattan or Malibu. Point is: imagine how surprised I was when a web-slinging vigilante actually forced me out there…”
Peter drifted off long before he could recognize that the story was about him.
--
Peter half-surfaced to the quiet thud of a car door opening, and the crunch of shoes on gravel.
It wasn’t the usual way he woke up. He’d gotten used to jolting into consciousness, sweat slicking his trembling limbs and damp sheets snarling all around him. It was a violent thing, full of heartbeat and rib-ache.
But this was soft. Warm. Safe hands slid under the back of his neck, his seat tilting back until he was lying almost completely flat. On instinct, his eyes flickered open, and he grinned sleepily at Tony, who shushed him in a barely-there murmur.
“Nice and easy, Pete,” Tony said, voice warm and safe and already blurring. “Now be a good boy and go back to sleep.”
And for once in Peter’s life, it was as simple as that.
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ticklikeabomb · 4 years
Text
Grouch - Part 6
Pairing : Bucky x Plus Size Reader ; Avengers x Plus Size Reader
Warning : Language ; Angst 
Word Count : 1.4k
Disclaimer : I do not own the characters, nor the universe where they were created and interact in. This series/fiction is only for entertainment purposes.
A/N : I’m sorry it took so long. Writer’s block is a bitch :/ Hope you will still like it :) 
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“Y/N? Y/N stay here, alright Sweety. Let’s play hide and seek. You know the rules, don’t you?” “Alright, I’ll count to 50 and you will only get out if you hear Mommy and Daddy. No one else! Do you understand?” “Y/N? Y/N?”. You stayed hidden as your parents ordered and made sure in being as quiet as possible. You crawled back on yourself when you heard loud noises and shouts. “FIND THEM!”, was heard not far away from where you were hidden. You saw black boots position themselves in front of you, blocking the mere light your eyes had access to. “Clear” a deep voice growled emotionless. The shadow was gone as quickly as it arrived.
You let out the breath you were holding when you felt a grip on your leg pushing you out of your corner. The man quickly covered your mouth before your fear could express itself in a form of a yell and shushed you. “Your parents send me.” Only trusting your gut and your parent’s words, you tried to bite the hand off but came across metal. He chuckled slightly before turning yourself to him, “That would have been clever if it wasn’t me.” In front of you were the bluest eyes you’ve ever seen, a mix between extreme roughness and a hint of kindness.
You tried to kick him and get yourself out of his hold but it was impossible. “Stop”, his deep voice made you still.  Your body trembled more and more, deeply aware of what was waiting for you at the other end of the corridor. “Don’t say a word”, he whispered. It wasn’t a problem. At this point, you barely produced enough saliva in your mouth. In the corner of your eye, you saw the bad guys approaching and felt your breath cut short. At your grand surprise, the man your parents told you to fear and never cross path with, didn’t turn you to the enemies. When they were out of sight, he led you the opposite way and pushed the wall where a secret exit door was concealed. “Get inside, crawl until the end and when you’re sure that the coast is clear, you run as fast as you can. Someone will be at the end of the way waiting for you. Is it clear?”, he said. You nodded instinctively. He was about to close the door behind when you stopped him. “Aren’t you coming with?” He gulped and shook his head. “I have to find your parents and get them out of here.” “Don’t leave me alone”, you stuttered and felt tears streaming down your face. “ Y/N, if you follow my instructions, everything will be alright”. You nodded again and asked him “What’s your name?” He looked at you, a mix between pride and mostly fear before answering, “My name is Bucky…” “SOLDAT!!!”, was being shouted. Bucky looked at you one more time before yelling “GO!”.
You woke up in sweat, the monitor beeping your heart rate out while you tried to catch some air. “Hey it’s ok, you’re alright”, you heard and saw Wanda beside you. “What did you do to me?”, your voice shacked. “I..I’m bringing back your memories.” “Why?” She gave you a weak smile before declaring, “Because no one deserves to live in a lie. You deserve to know the truth, the real events that occurred in your life and not what they implanted in your brain for their advantage.” You gulped and locked away. “Will you keep doing that?”, you asked weakly. “If you want me to continue, yes.” Your eyes locked with hers before you nodded. “Good. It’s not going to be easy but you’re not alone in the process. We’re here for you”, she commented. “Why would you? I only caused destruction and almost killed some of you.” “We all have our demons and honestly we all tried to kill each other at least once”, she joked. She felt that you needed some time alone and discretely left the room.
She arrived at the King’s meeting room and saw the team, T’Challa, Shuri and Okoye discussing. “How is she?”, asked Bucky worried when he saw Wanda entering the room. All the eyes fixed on her, she exhaled deeply and sat down. “She’ll get there, eventually.” As soon as those words left her mouth, everyone in the room heard you shouting from the top of your lungs. Some on them already on their feet were stopped by Wanda who assured them,” It’s alright. She needs to let it all out.” The others still perplexed returned to their seats except for Bucky who standing, faced the door listening to you. He was having a hard time staying passive at the situation but he also knew, confronting you would only do worst.
Wanda came back the next days, slowly recovering your memories. Recovering your memories was something, recovering your identity was another. It didn’t matter how much you were rediscovering about your past, the dark about you was complete. The images felt like photograms being projected in front of your eyelids, 25 photograms per second of unknown events. “Do you want to stop for today?”, asked Wanda. “No, let’s continue some more.” She showed a moment you were both together, laughing, crying, singing and dancing. One of those nights where you didn’t feel like Atlas carrying the world’s weight and problems.
“I have a terrible voice”, you laugh. “Shut up, no you don’t”, counterattacked Wanda. “You kidding, have you really heard me? I could evoke thunder faster than Thor”, you tell her and she falls on the bed, laughing. You join her and look at the colors of the projected stars on the ceiling. “It must be beautiful up there, don’t you think?”, you ask her. She hums in agreement. “You think Thor would ever let us join him, flee Earth for a moment, get to know other species and communities?”, you talk out loud. “I hope… but in the meantime, we still have those two bottles and snacks to finish. Which movie now? The Nice Guys or This means war?”, she asked. You pretend to think about it while you see her grinning at the corner of your eye. “This means war”, you turn towards her before sliding awkwardly down the bed, making her laugh hysterically.
When she finished showing you that memory, you turned to her and asked, “We were close weren’t we?”. The end of her lips lifted in a shy smile but didn’t continues their course. Sadness, nostalgia maybe. “Yeah we were”, she whispers, awareness taking over her, knowing your relationship will never be the same again. “I’m so consumed by hatred or whatever this is that I didn’t realize that I wasn’t the only one who lost big time. They stole my life and with it all our future moments together. I’m sorry”, you tell her. “Don’t apologize for something you had no control over. They’re to blame”, she replied.
Five minutes later, Shuri and T’Challa entered the room, their personal guard carrying two boxes. “Hello Y/N, how are you today?”, asked the King. “I’m good thank you. How are you?” He chuckled before replying he was alright. “I’ve been working hard on it and your new prosthetics are finished”, exclaimed Shuri excited. Your frowned not understanding where she was going. “I’m sorry, my what?” The proceeded to open the boxes and in front of you were what was supposed to be your new vibranium arms and legs in a black and purple design. 
You internally gasp, looking at the mesmerizing work in front of you. “You like? Because if you don’t, I ca-“, “No, I…I love it but I can’t accept it”, you tell them biting on your teeth in order to prevent you from crying and showing them your feelings. “Hey none of that alright. Don’t worry and besides they’re cooler than Barnes’”, whispered Shuri before covering her mouth. “Oh no sorry, I know I shall not mention you know who”, she quickly said. “It’s ok Shuri. I guess I’ll have to face him one day, I just don’t really have the strength to it right now.” They nodded and your eyes landed on the prosthetics. “They’re gorgeous. Thank you”, you tell Shuri and T’Challa. For the first time you smiled in what felt like ages.
“When can I put them on? I have a revenge to plan!”, you exclaimed with a small smirk and dark eyes.
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theredconversegirl · 4 years
Note
hey there! looking for more fanfictions to read, what would be your favorites right now?
Hey there Anon! 
Thank you for stopping by! You’re lucky that I was already preparing a few rec lists, so it was easy (and quick) to put this one together :D
I’m including below a list of a few of my all-time and current favorite fics. Since there are so many lists out there recommending known and famous stories, I’m leaving those out of this post, so we can give some space for underrated fics as well. ;)
In no particular order, here are 15 SasuSaku fics I love very much: 
🍅🌸🍅🌸🍅🌸🍅
Give Me A Reason by: Rise of the Blossom / @riseoftheblossom-ff
Things aren’t always what they seem and when Sasuke realizes that, he also realizes he has two choices: fight for her, or give in. [Rated M, complete. High School AU.]
The story is very relatable (to me at least 🙄) and my favorite high school one. There’s a nice character development and a good backstory. I love the interactions and how they seem real. 🙃
P.S.: This hits too close to home lol. The way they start and develop their friendship/relationship is - almost - the same way I did with my hubby.
🍅🌸🍅🌸🍅🌸🍅
Don’t You Wanna Stay by: letmeannoyyoutoday
Seeking help one cold winter night at his old teammate’s place, Sasuke remembers just what Christmas is about. [Rated T - One-Shot Christmas Fic.]
Perfect balance between angst and that feel-good aftertaste. This author’s writing is lovely too. ❤️
🍅🌸🍅🌸🍅🌸🍅
Ever After by: ohwhatsherface / @sun-summoning
Sasuke and Sakura enjoy the married life. And kissing. Especially the kissing. [Rated T, complete. Short Story.]
This is the cutest story ever! You’ll be smiling from ear to ear until the end. Heartwarming and fluffy, full of slices of life (my go-to feel good fic). 🥰
🍅🌸🍅🌸🍅🌸🍅
Celebrity Status by: Einna Fletcher / @backintheslipstream
Sasuke and Sakura’s lives revolve around music, and the craziness that comes with fame. Romance is the last thing they want to deal with. The problem: they can’t seem to stay away from each other. [Rated M, complete. Celebrity AU]
My teen years were surrounded by music and friends’ bands, so this story is special to me ❤️. Here, they are both singers and in different places in their career, and the hate to love development is great. It makes me giddy! 🤩
🍅🌸🍅🌸🍅🌸🍅
Cracks by: thevelvetbunny
Sasuke struggles with life after returning to Konoha, and enters counselling with a certain no-nonsense Hokage. [Rated M, incomplete.🔥]
Although the fic doesn’t have an official end, the story seems wrapped when you finish it. I loved this one very much! The pacing and development is so good!!! It’s like a “what if Sasuke stayed in the village after his first return (no redemption journey)” AU. Here, he rediscovers the friendship with his teammates, he allows himself to feel - slowly but surely ;) - and he opens up, getting the help he truly needs. Itachi is somehow ingrained in his recovery and it’s beautiful. Also, without giving much away, SasuSaku here is 🔥🔥🔥!
🍅🌸🍅🌸🍅🌸🍅
Good Vibrations by: Cinnamunk
With her 25th birthday approaching, her friends pairing off, and her forever crush firmly ensconced in ANBU, Sakura feels decidedly gloomy about her romantic prospects. One Ino-led shopping trip and a mysterious midnight visitor later, things are looking up for our favorite, pink-haired kunoichi. Or are they? SasuSaku. Non-mass AU. Fluff/lemon with some soapy angst/drama. [Rated M, complete.🔥 and there’s a sequel!]
Non-massacre fics are my favorite, and this one is amazing and hilarious! Hold tight, because this story starts in a really good pace. 👀🔥 
P.S.: Also, beware of the dreamy and hot 😅 Uchihas.. especially Shisui 😏. I do not take responsibility if you fall a little bit in love with him! 🙄
🍅🌸🍅🌸🍅🌸🍅
Meet the Parents by: JinnySkeans
There are pictures on the walls of a small, loving family and he has the presence of mind to feel unsettled, as though he’s intruding on their happiness just by existing. Still, though, her mother fills his teacup with a smile and her father claps him on the back, and they’re kind and warm and welcoming. Sakura had to have learned it all somewhere. [Rated T, complete.]
This is an all-time favorite because, well, Sasuke meets the Harunos and I don’t see that a lot. It’s also heartwarming and so fun to read! There’s also a good portion of confused and jealous Sasuke, which is always a treat. 🥰
🍅🌸🍅🌸🍅🌸🍅
Arranged by: zunaira ghazal / @zunairaghazal / @zgs1994
Arranged marriage in the twenty-first century might have been uncommon, but not unheard of. “You’re mommy’s special little snowflake, aren’t you?” [Rated M, complete. Modern AU.]
[🛑 UPDATE: Unfortunately this story is no longer available. More details here ]
The arranged marriage trope is a guilty pleasure of mine, and this one was the first one I read, so it holds a special place in my SasuSaku heart 💕. Mikoto is matchmaking as expected, Sasuke has none of that, and Sakura thinks everyone is nuts. This is another fun read! 😌
🍅🌸🍅🌸🍅🌸🍅
Chains by: Boriqua-chan
Sasuke is in chains and Sakura can do as she wishes. [Rated M, complete. Smutfic. 🔥]
Well, the summary says everything… 😏🔥🔥
🍅🌸🍅🌸🍅🌸🍅
he said by: the blanket / @blanket-fictions
Sasuke, Sakura, and all that lies between. “I have never expected anything from you. That would have been the height of all foolishness, and say what you want about me, but I was never that. With you, Sasuke-kun, I only ever hoped.” [Rated T - One-shot.]
This is short, but it’s so, so good! The angst and how Sakura overcomes the hurt and rejection are perfect. I can’t say more without giving away the goods.. go read this, please! 🥺
🍅🌸🍅🌸🍅🌸🍅
Tangible by: twilightdazzle
Sometimes, she feels like she’s invisible and they can’t see her. Like she wasn’t real. And they finally realize she’s there just when they’re about to lose her. [Rated M, complete.]
This story is a storm of emotions, and the writing is so lovely and touching that it’s basically impossible not to tear up a bit.. prepare the kleenex beforehand, my friends! 🥺
🍅🌸🍅🌸🍅🌸🍅
Origins of the New Uchiha by: CertifyyedGoon
When a very pregnant Sakura is kidnapped, Sasuke must journey not only through the obstacles to find her but also his own memories. “How do you know you’re going to find her?” “She’s my wife.” [Rated M, complete. Shinobi AU.]
Another AU that has a different approach around Sasuke’s redemption and return to the village. The story switches between present and past (Sasuke’s memories showing how their relationship evolved). The story is refreshing and brings that whole ANBU Team 7 vibe we all had before canon. 🤩💕
🍅🌸🍅🌸🍅🌸🍅
Miss Independent by: letmeannoyyoutoday
Tsunade once told me that striving to be the best, to be acknowledged, to be renowned, also had a series of disadvantages. But I would have never thought that one of them would send me to Otokagure, serving under the man that once left me on a bench, in the middle of the night, after breaking my heart and killing what was left of my spirit. [Rated M, incomplete. Shinobi AU. 🔥]
Ok, Sakura is a badass, independent, strong, cocky, brilliant woman and kunoichi here - she’s awesome! This story is refreshing, sexy, and funny. Sasuke gets Konoha’s help to structure Oto’s medical care and hospital in a moment where he’s dealing with this unexpected legacy. They have to work together and they annoy the hell of each other in the process. It’s a long but worth the read story, even though it’s - unfortunately - not complete.🥺 Some I-hate-you-but-maybe-I-love-you in the mix.😍🔥
🍅🌸🍅🌸🍅🌸🍅
The Story by: dances.with.sunflowers
Because when they married, he didn’t really know how to be a husband. But she had eternity to teach him. First year married. [Rated T - One-shot.]
A beautiful tale of love and patience, showing the development of their relationship and married life.❤️
🍅🌸🍅🌸🍅🌸🍅
your spellbound heart by: blue-plums (arabesque05) / @blue-plums
there is a new barista at the corner coffeeshop, who always smells faintly of smoke. [Rated M, complete. Coffee Shop/Dragons AU.]
Simple, adorable, and hilarious story. This AU is one of the kind and when you finish the reading, I’m sure you’ll crave more. 😍😁
🍅🌸🍅🌸🍅🌸🍅
If you enjoy these fics as much as I do, let the authors know! 😉
~ Happy reading!
xoxo
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prettywordsyouleft · 4 years
Text
Reconciliation - Part 5 (Final)
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Pairing: Im Jaebum x reader
Genre: ex-lovers au / angst / romance / business au
Warnings: unprotected sex, mature content.
Reconciliation will be shared daily at 10am NZST.
Preview | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5
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This was how you had originally imagined this trip. Waking up in Jaebum’s arms the following morning was sweeter than you could remember. And after spending a little too long in the shower cleaning up from last night, you both happily went into the breakfast buffet where you laughed and shared food. The light atmosphere continued throughout the day, as did the kisses, the hand-holding, and much later, the endless rides to Nirvana.
It was what you had hoped for all along. And with your trip closing tomorrow, you were satisfied that when you had first thought to come here, the things on your list had been checked off with today’s efforts.
However, those desires came from a time where you were happy to just follow Jaebum around. Since finding your independence, you had moments throughout the day and night where you were bothered, and a cold sense of dread would wash over you.
The dream had to end here, with the sand and sun.
You woke before Jaebum did the next morning and spent the time taking in every detail of the man you loved. Even with him showering you in all the affection that you had ever wished for, and knowing how deeply his own feelings ran for you, this time, it would be you who broke his heart first.
You wanted to memorise every inch of him, right down to his freckles and imperfections in case you never saw them up close like this again.
Eventually, the man holding you stirred out of his slumber, Jaebum blearily squinting at you and letting out a breath of relief. It pained you to think that he was counting his blessings to truly find you here at his side and no longer a dream as he had told you about.
“Why are you awake first?” he huskily asked, moving to catch your shoulders with his lips. He kissed your bare skin a couple of times before resting back onto his pillow. “I wanted to watch you instead.”
“Should’ve woken up earlier then,” you teased, taking his hand in yours and linking it together.
You felt the words you need to say at the back of your throat and you smiled, hoping that would ease your nerves.
Jaebum watched you and after frowning, he sat up a little. “You’re going to finally say it, aren’t you?”
“You knew?”
He nodded. “I kind of guessed. I mean, we fell back into one another as if the three months never passed us by. And I know that I’ve said some things that might lend you hope that it could improve between us.”
“It’s not even that I don’t want this, because I do. I want to be with you, wholeheartedly. You said that I was it for you. Well, I’m pretty sure it’s the same for me.”
“Then what is it?” he wondered, and you shifted so you could sit up as well. Once settled at his side, you began to play with his fingers, trying to find the right words. “You need time?”
“I need to find who I am. Things are scary but really good right now for me. I’m starting my new business and I’m looking forward to running it. And it’s not a being busy reason either, even though I know I’m going to be super busy.”
Jaebum nodded listlessly, and you could tell he was genuinely listening to you, though he face was devoid of emotion. He was simply closing himself off to help with the pain.
You pressed on. “I don’t want to fall back into you. I don’t want either of us to rely on the other the way we used to. I thought I only needed your validation and you felt you only needed me to comfort you. We’re both more than that.”
“So this is it for us? For good?” he breathed, and you blinked when you noticed how watery his eyes had become. “We leave the confessions, the feelings here in these sheets?”
“We’re ending it better this time around, don’t you think?” you bartered and Jaebum rubbed at his face. “I need to focus on myself. If I can’t even do that, then there’s no point in me trying to rediscover us.”
“I get it,” he answered, taking you in his arms right when you began to cry. “I don’t want to but I do. Just remember to find me when the time is right.”
“Maybe we’ll find each other when we least expect it, just like we did here.”
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Time seemed to fly by once you were back to reality. You left the ground running and after a solid year of hard work, you could slowly reap the rewards. You were acknowledged as a bright, new CEO and your company was definitely catching heads from all around. By your second year of business, you could loosen off the steam you were moving with. Your products were making consistent sales and you had taken on your first overseas client.
Everything seemed to be working like a well-oiled machine.
Not only had you discovered your own style as a CEO, you excelled at it. You liked being able to support your team and motivate them to strive for bigger goals.
Much as you were doing with your personal life. You had taken up online courses alongside your job and although you were exhausted from time to time, you had developed a love for photography and passion for interior design. You already had future aspirations to branch out into design in the following year.
Right now though, you wanted to enjoy life at a slower speed and not watch it pass on by in the blink of an eye.
And there was no one else you would rather do that with than Jaebum.
It hadn’t been complete radio silence between you both. You had each compromised to emails, sending each other messages at least twice a month. You had learned through them that he had fostered some cats and was passionate about raising them, and his latest investor had backed him over the company you had once lost out to. He’d also started cooking lessons, opting to make it home in the evening to eat there instead of ordering to his office each night.
Neither of you talked of what more you wanted from each other and about relationships. You had on several occasions almost emailed him asking him if he was seeing anyone but each time you chided yourself for seeking out information that could lead to complicating things. And you really didn’t want to do that if you weren’t ready to commit.
Standing near the gate for your impending flight, you focused on snapping the sunset out the large windows that was casting brilliant light over the aeroplanes nearby, the land behind it looking magical just like the sky did. You were ready to feel the freedom that came with travelling and taste the delicious foods that your destination had in store for you. As you watched the sky change its colours right before you, it was hard to not get lost in the thought of your self-development. Standing here right now, you couldn’t be prouder of who you had become if you tried.
Still, the nagging voice that wanted to share your accomplishments with someone else pulled you back to reality and you gasped when you realised boarding had commenced. As you walked onto the plane, you tried not to get too excited about the impending trip and looked out for your seat number. You grinned when you found it and after pulling your bag strap over your head and putting your bag under your seat, you sat down, fussing with your seatbelt for a moment. The person travelling next to you was already seated and you sighed when you realised your belt was linked with theirs.
Tapping him on the shoulder, you waited until he turned to look at you, ignoring the way he stared at you. “Uh, my belt is trapped in yours somehow.”
“Y/N,” Jaebum breathed, sitting up properly as his eyes continued to remain wide. He didn’t react as you reached to undo the belt across him so you could get yours free, still staring at you until you waved a hand in front of his face.
“You okay?”
“I just… I’m not dreaming, right? The plane hasn’t taken off and crashed somewhere and this is the afterlife?” he blurted out and you gave him a look, aghast by his assumption.
“No, we’re very much so alive and we better stay that way!”
“Then, it’s happened again. Just like you said when we parted last time!” he continued, shaking his head with disbelief.
You tried not to laugh. “Oh yeah?”
“Well, I was invited to go on this trip, were you too?”
“I guess you could say that,” you mused, amazed that he hadn’t clicked onto it yet.
“Wait,” he finally said, pointing at you. “How come you’re not amazed to see me?”
“Maybe because I was not about to wait until fate would have us cross paths again and booked this trip for us,” you announced and Jaebum slowly grinned.
“Really? You want to spend time with me?”
“Should I go spend it with someone else?” you offered and Jaebum disagreed almost immediately, taking your hand in his. You shifted closer, smiling at him as he rubbed his thumb over the back of your hand affectionately.
“You know, when this trip is over, I’m not going to agree about parting ways again,” he told you and you grinned, leaning in so you could kiss his lips.
“Fate might have been late in bringing us back together but I’m not going to let anything – or one – pull us apart again.”
_________________
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vivilove-jonsa · 4 years
Note
For the dialogue prompt. If you are still taking them. "Don't you dare walk away from me!"
Hello, my dear!  Thank you for the prompt!  I hope you like it :)
“Don’t you dare walk away from me!”  
Sansa cringes at the harsh command but is she really surprised?  She’s been ridiculing him for nearly fifteen minutes straight, unconcerned with the presence of an outsider.  Who talks to their sweetheart this way?  Are they really sweethearts?  They seem more like enemies begrudgingly meeting for peace talks.  Robb had said she’d done the proposing which is fine but why has Jon agreed to marry her?  
She doesn’t want to watch this but it’s hard to avoid considering the position she’s in, on her knees at the foot of Bridezilla.  Sansa’s a seamstress and she’d agreed to make the dress alterations.  
Unfortunately, she’s seen this before in her line of work.  Some people really get a little too wrapped up in wedding hysteria and less desirable facets of their personality come out.  She had hoped Robb’s old friend might’ve chosen better for himself but Sansa will admit she’s made some poor choices herself in the past.  
At least, I never got close to walking down the aisle with Harry or Joffrey though.
She’s not so sure Jon will make it to the sept in six weeks either based on the way his jaw’s been clenched throughout this visit.  
She has a good feel for these things by now.  She’d not like his fiancée from the moment he’d introduced her and she predicts the marriage won’t last a year even if they make it through the wedding.  
She can’t blame him for having had enough of this today.  Better to walk out and cool off until she calms down and they can talk like adults maybe.  The last time she’d witness a tantrum quite like this, Rickon had been three.  
He pauses with his back to them, his shoulders slumped.  She wishes he’d walk on through the door but knows he may very well bite his lip and turn around.
She won’t make you happy in the long run.  I wouldn’t mind trying though.
Sansa bites at her own lip for that.  She has no right to think such things.  He’s engaged and she’s just the woman altering the wedding gown.  Well, she’s more than that.  He’s Robb’s old friend but maybe he’s her friend, too.  He’s been coming around the flat a lot since they reconnected a couple of months ago.  Still, he’s engaged.  So what if he’s handsome and friendly and makes her smile like no other guy has in a long while?  
“Jon Snow,” his bride-to-be says in a threatening tone, “if you walk out that door, we are through. Do you hear me?”
He turns and Sansa tries to mask her sigh, certain he’s giving in.  But his eyes aren’t on the woman in yards of ivory lace. They’re on her.
“I’m sorry for you having to witness this, Sansa, and I’ll compensate you for your work.”  His eyes flicker up to the woman he was planning to marry with a cold look.  “I hear you and we’re through.  I’m definitely done with this farce of a relationship.  You can keep the ring if you like but I won’t be marrying you.” He then turns around and walks out the door.
Stunned, Sansa’s face flushes embarrassment on behalf of them both but a small little part of that flush might be a wicked little jolt of…something.  She’s probably horrible for feeling pleased by this and by the fact that he spoke to her first.  
Several seconds pass before Bridezilla gasps with shock.  Apparently, it took that long for it to sink in that he actually left and what his words mean.
“I’ll just, um…” Furious.  There’s no other word for the glare she receives and Sansa nearly recoils in fear.  “I’ll give you the room,” Sansa murmurs before standing.  
But before she can scurry to her sewing room in the back and hope that Jon Snow’s fiancée ex-fiancée will be gone when she returns (even if she’s still wearing a wedding dress with dozens of pins in the hem), Bridezilla says, “He never shuts up about you.”
“I…what?”
She says nothing else, just shoves her way past Sansa and leaves without another word and Sansa’s left there to agonize over those words all afternoon…but not indefinitely.  
“I knew it was a mistake,” Jon tells her later right before closing time when he comes back with his checkbook and a lemon cake for her from her favorite bakery.
“Then, why were you doing it?” Sansa asks, failing to completely contain her moan as she takes her first bite after waving off his money.  “Gods, this is good.”
He grins, his dark eyes flashing at that moan, damn him.  Then, he considers his answer to her question.  “I don’t know.  Clearly, I know nothing just like she always tells me.”
“That’s not true.  You know stuff, Jon.”
“Thanks.  I guess we’d been together for a good while and, when she asked me to get married, I thought maybe that would make things better again…more like they were at the start.”
“Things haven’t been good for a while then?”
“No, it’s been a bad six months.  Maybe longer. I’d been on the verge of suggesting a break right before she popped the question but hesitated because…”  He scrubs at his beard.  
“Because?”
“I feel like a coward but she gets so angry and hateful.”
“Yikes.  I had a boyfriend like that once.”  His eyes narrow dangerously, nearly making her laugh. “Over a long time ago but I’m sorry for you.  It can be difficult walking away.  I don’t think you’re a coward.  Sooner or later, you managed to break it off.”
“Yeah.  Anyway, thanks for listening to me.”  He starts to rise from where he’s been sitting beside her in the quiet shop but then pauses and slowly takes her hand.  “Sansa, I just want you to know that seeing you again after all these years and hanging out together has been, um…special to me.”
‘He never shuts up about you.’  She swallows hard.  “Me, too.” I never shut up about you either. Hadn’t Jeyne teased her about that other day?
He gives her a sheepish grin, releasing her hand.  “I’d better go.”
She nods but then can’t help but ask, “Did you have some place to be tonight?”
“Not really.  I mean, I suppose I’d better find out how much of my stuff has been thrown out on the sidewalk.”
“Oof.  Do you need a place to stay?”  
What is she doing?  He just broke up with his fiancée.  He’ll need time and inviting him to stay is too forward perhaps.  He’s a friend.  I wouldn’t want him alone in some motel or whatever tonight.  
“Thanks but I didn’t give up my apartment.  I guess that might’ve been my subconscious wanting to keep a way out.”
Probably so. She doesn’t say it.  “Well, if you’re hungry and want to watch me eat something other than lemon cake, you could come by for dinner.”  His eyes widen and she panics.  “I mean, anytime.  Not tonight…unless you…whenever.  Sometime soon maybe.”  Gods, she’s feeling like an idiot.
But he doesn’t look at her like she’s an idiot.  He looks pleased.  “I may take you up on that sometime soon.”
And, he does.
Dinner together a week later and then the following week.  It becomes a weekly habit, dinner with Jon Snow.  Jeyne’s still teasing her but she says they’re just friends.  He still needs time and they might need time to be more.
Maybe not too long though.
Before long, he’s over more often than he’s not and maybe things are changing between them.  The rediscovered friendship and the tenuous other thing between them is blossoming and Sansa couldn’t be happier.
And one night, a two months after he would’ve been a married man, Jon shows up at her apartment with a lemon cake and a bottle of wine and she knows tonight would be a good night to cross that boundary from friendship to more.  
He’d offered to clean up the kitchen after dinner so she’d slipped off to her room, the wine giving her a boost of courage.  There’s no mistaking the fire in his eyes lately when they’re alone but he’s held back from making a move.  Sansa thinks he needs a little push.  
She emerges from the bedroom wearing something considerably slinkier than the flannel pajama bottoms and comfy tees she usually wears when they settle on her couch to watch movies on nights like this.  
“Sansa…”  
His eyes are round and his mouth keeps moving but no other words come out.  He’s looking her up and down.  He gulps and his mouth starts moving again with no words.  It’s pretty damn cute…until he turns away towards the door.
“Jon?”  Her chin starts to tremble.  Has she misread everything so badly?  Is he not interested in the things she’s interested in? Is he going to leave her standing here when she’s never said one hateful thing to him?
Don’t you dare walk away from me.
She almost sobs those words until he shoots a mischievous grin over his shoulder and her lips are immediately quirking into an answering one, all her insecurities flying away like sparks from a bonfire.  
That mischievous grin becomes a smoldering look when he’s standing half way between her kitchen and the hallway.  “I’m just going to make sure your front door’s locked, sweetheart.”  
“My front door?”
“Yeah.”  His voice drops into a husky tone smooth as fine liquor and just as heady.  “Because once I kiss you, I don’t plan on stopping and I promise you’ll have a very hard time getting rid of me.”
She has no desire to ever get rid of him.  
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mst3kproject · 4 years
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Exo-Man
Failed series pilots were very much part of MST3K’s stock in trade.  We’ve sat through San Francisco International, Stranded in Space, Code Name: Diamond Head and I’m sure there were others.  I generally recall all of those movies being kind of dull and lacking in personality, and I can’t imagine this 70’s superhero mess being much better.  I don’t think anybody in Exo-Man was ever on MST3K but Jose Ferrer (the first Latino actor to win an academy award, for 1950’s Cyrano de Bergerac) was once in a movie called Zoltan, Hound of Dracula, which I am deeply remiss in not having seen yet.  You may also recognize Harry Morgan, who was Colonel Potter on M*A*S*H.
Dr. Nick Conrad is a wacky physics professor of the type nobody has ever encountered in real life.  He’s somehow both smart enough to invent anti-gravity and memory plastic, and stupid enough to chase after a fleeing would-be bank robber.  The latter stunt, set to wakka-chicka Mitchell music, makes Nick the target of a mafia assassin, who kills his lab assistant and leaves Nick himself paralyzed from the waist down.  He wallows in self-pity for a while, but then rediscovers his passion for invention and builds himself a suit of armor that will allow him to walk again… and to take on the mob single-handedly.
I don’t know why they called the movie Exo-Man.  That name is never used in the dialogue.  I guess the more accurate Fiberglass Avenger just wouldn’t have sounded as cool.
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The first thing you’re likely to notice from the plot summary is that Nick’s story starts off as Dr. Strange and then takes a hard left into Iron Man.  I’m pretty sure the latter at least was an intentional ripoff, with bits of the first thrown in, knowingly or not, to distance Exo-Man from Marvel’s lawyers. What’s funny is that posterity has actually made it a hat trick: the movie opens with a weirdly homoerotic jogging scene, so now he gets to be Captain America, too!
Exo-Man is a really stupid, often boring, and consistently ugly movie.  The actors are mediocre, the music bland, the effects terrible, and stuff is made to look ‘high tech’ by sticking lots of blinky lights on it.  Way too much time passes before we get to the action and when we do, we find a deep pit of disappointment.  Yet at the same time… I kind of enjoyed it.
A major part of why has got to be the incredibly dopey super-suit the main character wears, which looks less like ‘Iron Man’ and more like ‘Fiberglass Commando Cody’.  It moves really slowly and I doubt the guy in the costume can see very much.  Nick controls the bottom half of it using switches on one sleeve, which appear to have simple functions like ‘sit’, ‘walk’, and ‘jump’ (there is, of course, no ‘run,’ because nothing happens fast in this movie). He puts the thing on by lying down in what looks like a tanning bed (or maybe one of those contraptions from Avatar).  My personal favourite is the warning light labeled malfuntion.
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All this is in a movie that sometimes manages to be surprisingly subtle.  We are introduced to Nick while jogging, we watch him play tennis with his girlfriend, and see him maintain this exercise regime even while he’s supposed to be under police protection.  These shots are in brilliant sunshine, and the camerawork is as active as the subjects. Post-injury, Nick never outwardly complains about his inability to participate in sports, but we now see him sitting in his wheelchair in dark surroundings, with the camera held perfectly still.  We feel that he has lost something he loved dearly, and we never need to be told it outright.
We are also introduced to Nick as somebody who is devored to furthering minorities.  His two lab assistants are an east Asian student and a Jewish one (the latter identified as such by a surname, rather than appearance), and the reason he was at the bank was to help a Latino student get a loan.  Again, the script trusts the audience to get this without having to draw attention to it through dialogue.  These minority characters are, of course, still just accessories to Nick’s story. The Jewish guy in particular is there to be fridged – its his death that leads to Nick flaunting his police protection and getting hurt.  But the effort was made to say that minority rights are important to Nick, without hitting us over the head with it.
Theme-wise, Exo-Man is about a man coming to terms with a disability.  I should preface this by saying that I am not disabled, so my perspective is necessarily biased.  If anything I say below is offensive, that is out of ignorance, and please let me know so that I may edit or delete the review and do better next time.  I was actually pretty impressed by how the script and director handled the life-changing nature of Nick’s injury… mostly.  I’ll start with the bad stuff.
The attack on Nick comes with a heaping helping of victim blaming.  As an important witness in the bank robbery, he was offered police protection.  The assassin tries to get around this by putting a bomb in his car, but one of the lab assistants borrows the car for a late-night pizza run, and gets killed in Nick’s stead.  This leads Nick to deliberately place himself in a vulnerable position, hoping to draw the killer out for capture and punishment.  In the hospital with a broken back, Nick blames the police for failing to protect him, but I’m pretty sure the movie wants us to think that this is really Nick’s own fault.  Like the tragic accident victims in Days of our Years, he has nobody to blame for his own misery, or that of his loved ones, except himself.
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After that, however, the movie’s treatment of Nick’s disability improves quickly.  His girlfriend Emily leaves him, but that’s not because he’s in a wheelchair, it’s because he’s too busy wallowing in self-pity to even let her into his apartment. Later when he apologizes to her, she takes him back and they resume their happy relationship, and the fact that they can’t play tennis together anymore is not an issue.  She does not treat him as something to be pitied, she speaks to him on his eye level, and they avoid that weird trope of having the abled partner sit in the wheelchair-user’s lap.  Emily loves who Nick is, not what he can do.  His colleagues and students, likewise, treat him with respect and help him with his chair, and never make the latter feel like a burden.
By the end of the film Nick has come to terms with his disability.  The suit he’s built is not a cure for his condition: in fact the first time he wears it out, it breaks down and he needs help getting back to his high-tech armored van.  It’s a tool he has built for a purpose, and he doesn’t feel the need to wear it in non-superhero situations.  Based on what we see, he could have built a legs-only version to wear under his trousers and let him go jogging and play tennis again, but that is no longer who Nick is.  And when and whether to wear the suit is always Nick’s own choice, not something imposed on him from the outside.
Of course, it would also be really helpful in later maintaining Exo-Man’s secret identity, and I suspect the writers were thinking of that a lot more than they were of things like parents forcing questionable ‘cures’ on disabled children.  The secret identity probably would have been a big deal if the pilot had sold, but in this stand-alone story, I thought the suit worked well as a metaphor about a disabled man at peace with himself.
Exo-Man also takes a quick little peek at the morality of vigilante justice, although this comes in pretty late and clearly isn’t something they wanted to get into in any detail.  The first person Nick confronts in the suit is the assassin who actually beat him up. He says he didn’t go into this encounter with any real plan… perhaps he just wanted to scare the guy.  What ultimately happens is that the assassin climbs a drainpipe to get away from the terrifying robot man, the pipe comes off the wall, and the man falls to his death.  Nick feels this is his fault, and so the next time he takes the suit out he does so with a particular goal in mind: he wants to capture the mob boss and provide evidence of his wrongdoing to the police, not to kill anyone.
The mob boss’ name, by the way, is Kermit Haas, which is probably the least intimidating name a movie has ever given to its big bad.
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Would that work?  Is evidence a guy in a robot suit left in your dumpster for you admissible in court?  Isn’t where stuff was found kind of important?  I honestly have no idea and I’m not sure how to go about finding out.  People might wonder why I want to know and I don’t think saying it’s for my blog would allay their suspicions.
At the end of Exo-Man, I was more entertained than not, but mostly on the level of laughing at the dumb-looking suit and appreciating the fine art of ripping off comic book characters.  If that’s your kind of thing then this movie ought to put the fun in malfuntion for you. If that’s not your thing, well… this is an MST3K blog.  What are you doing here?
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@lcst-at-5ea said,
Could I have a matchup please? I'm kinda short, I have dark eyes and short, straight black hair in a pixie cut. I'm a pretty chill ambivert, and I like art! I like to think that I'm funny, haha, but I'm also a massive procrastinator. I don't really have a type, other than dumbasses. I love them. I LOVE cuddles!! I'm obsessed with pirates, and I like acting and mythology, and drawing. I'm a Taurus, a Ravenclaw, and I'm an INFP, I think. Also, I'm a minor!
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✧ Thank you for requesting a matchup, love. Stay safe and positive! 💞
✧ WARNING: there will be spoilers about Tenma’s backstory in ‘How You Two First Met’ part. Read at your own risk.
I’d match you with: . . .
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➜ HOW YOU TWO FIRST MET ; Your first encounter with each other was in your elementary school. You weren’t close with each other though. In fact, he didn’t even know you existed back then. You, on the other hand, knew the name Tenma Sumeragi. I mean, who wouldn’t? Even from such a young age, it was possible to see his face on TV. His acting abilities were far from normal for a boy in his age. From his gestures to his facial expressions to his voice, everything was as good as it could be. So, needless to say you were not surprised when you heard that he got a major role for his class’s play for the the school festival. Something you were very excited for. Not only you were going to be free from some of the classes, you’d also get to see a play. Basically two birds with one stone. Even from such a young age, you were interested in the art of acting. So it really wasn’t that surprising when your friends found themselves getting dragged to somewhere near the stage the school put out. You really wished your class would do a play too but sadly, that wasn’t the case. After a while, the play started and you found yourself getting sucked into the story. That was until a boy with orange hair got to the stage. Tenma Sumeragi, to be more exact. You’ve seen the movies he was in before so you excitedly waited for him to say his line, just like everybody else did. To your surprise though, he was standing still, his purple eyes full of fear and panic. The red curtains closed on the other children who were on stage, indicating that the play was not to continue. A disappointed sigh escaped from your lips as everyone around you started to murmur about the poor boys accident. If you haven’t clearly seen the look in Tenma’s eyes, you would be probably whining just like everyone else. You really didn’t want to leave the school without checking up on the boy so you ran towards one of the cotton candy stands, leaving your friends behind and confused, and purchased two fluffy, sweet confections. With both of your hands full, you tried to make your way towards the backstage. It was now nearly empty, with a few students still talking with each other and some teachers. Your eyes immediately locked on the boy who was sitting on a box, head hung low. His orange hair covered his face but there wasn’t any people who could have that bright hair color. Putting on a smile, you ran towards the boy and sat down on the floor, giving him a little hello. The boy looked at you without saying anything and looked back down, clearly ignoring you. Getting up, only to sat down next to Tenma, you offered one of the cotton candies to him. His eyes shot back at you, surprised to receive something from a total stranger to him. Regardless, after hesitating for a second, he took the spun sugar confection from you, mumbling a thank you. You two ate the cotton candies in complete silence before you grabbed his hand and dragged him outside. On the way, he was shouting at you out of surprise, asking you what you were doing but you didn’t pay any mind to him. That day was spent going from one activity to another with each other. After that day, even if he wouldn’t admit it, he was stuck to you like a glue at school. He would occasionally come and visit your classroom on the breaks and you two would spend the entire break together or sometimes, you were the one who visited his classroom. With the blink of an eye, you two were very close friends, best friends even. Yeah, after graduating from elementary, you went to different middle and high schools but Tenma, despite his hectic schedule would always make time for you. You knew about the stage fear he developed, so in your second year of high school, when he told you he was going to try and get over his phobia, you were delighted and gave him your %100 support. Needless to say, you were given a ticket from the first row to Water Me!, his first stage play since elementary.
➜ PERSONALITY COMPATIBILITY ; Did you say you love dumbasses? Here, you can have him. Jokes aside, since you didn’t include that much of your personality, I’m going to base this part on your MBTI. I hope you don’t mind. Tenma is what you would call a 'tsundere.' He is a confident, arrogant boy who is not afraid to tell other people what he thinks but despite that cocky and self-centered attitude of his, he often feels pressured by the success of his parents and fears of disappointing them. Most INFP’s don’t just want to find a partner– they want to connect. So when Tenma tells you about his worries, which is harder for him than usual people, it’s your duty to make him feel safe and welcomed. Make him feel like he can tell you everything. Since he generally has trouble connecting with other people, he appreciates it and it means so much for him more than you can guess. INFP’s respect their partner’s independence, which is very important because Tenma is definitely not your usual high school boy. He’s always auditioning for a movie or a series, maybe even a commercial. On top of that, he has both school work and theater. Needless to say, he is a very busy person. Sometimes, this can lead you two not seeing each other for weeks, only some texts here and there. The reunion is always something you can look forward though. Don’t worry about being a procrastinator because Tenma will constantly remind you do to the things you have to do. Maybe he’ll even put a prize at the end, something like “If you manage to finish your assignments until Friday, I might take my precious time to come and visit you.” Listen, I know Tenma’s generally easily flustered but if he is able to say "You want attention that bad? Then practice a kiss scene with me." without any problems then he can easily say the former. No I don’t take criticism.
➜ SHARED ACTIVITIES ; Public and Tenma don’t exactly go well together since his face is basically everywhere so your dates are usually indoor ones. From watching each of your favorite childhood movies to making plans for the future, although the later is usually only when he’s particularly feeling soft. Movie nights are a classic for at-home dates, but one way to give it a particularly fun and connective spin is to pick out movies that mean something to each of you. For example, you take turns watching each person's favorite movie from when they were ages 5, 10, and currently. It's a great way to learn more about each other and can spark some interesting conversation and rediscovered memories to share. Planning for the future gives you something to look forward to, makes you feel more in control, and can make you feel closer as a couple because you're spending time thinking about a shared future together. You can also make other kinds of plans. For example, what if you spent an evening thinking through what you want to be doing one year from now, five years from now, and 10 years from now? You can write down what you come up with so you can reflect on it later. You love cuddling?? Ask this boy for some! He will try to be smug about it but deep down, he just wants to feel you close too! His arms would wrap around your shoulders, his chest pressed firmly against the muscles of your back. Slowly he would rub his hands up and down your arms, warming your skin, yet leaving more goosebumps than there had been previously. He wouldn’t always insist on conversation, it‘s enough for him usually to just have you in his arms. Both of your breathing would start to grow steady with sleep. Before you knew it, both of you were in the dreamland in each other’s arms.
➜ ZODIAC COMPATIBILITY ; Tenma’s birthday is on June 21th which makes him a Gemini. This pairing of consecutive signs frequently works out because the two share similarities by season, while still bringing different elements to the table. Taurus and Gemini are spring signs, and when they combine forces, we can discover a lot about how the world works and why life blooms on this planet to begin with. Both of you are content with time spent away and time spent together. Try using this cycle to your advantage. Know when to nurture each other and when to give each other space. By putting your best effort into this, you can strengthen your relationship ties. Taurus should not give up or get annoyed with Gemini for having too much flexibility in their mind. Taurus needs to be patient when possible and comfortable being more decisive. Neither of you can manipulate the other. Work to compromise and balance out your strengths. In a healthy Taurus-Gemini relationship, this combination will be a major team. They both have strong mental focus and, together, they can accomplish whatever they want. Bring about world peace? Sure! Bring about the world's end? Sure! They have the skills to link up and become truly united without feeling as though they are losing themselves.
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luciddeparture · 3 years
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Is Meditation for Morons?
I’m can’t exactly recall the first time I decided to meditate. I just know what happened when I finally bothered to learn how to. It has since had a profound effect on my life. 
Now I know what you are probably thinking… “Meditation? I don’t need any of that woo woo crap in my life.” That’s at least how I used to feel about it, but who knows? Maybe you are a little bit less cynical than I was. 
It is somewhat ironic that I am now the one who is writing a blog on meditation and its benefits.
When I first heard about meditation I immediately dismissed it, until I rediscovered it about two years ago whilst listening to a podcast called The Tim Ferris Show. The podcast is a series of interviews where Tim Ferris interviews top performers in a variety of fields from all around the world. Surprisingly, over “80% of the people [he] interviews have some form of meditation practice”. That’s a significant percentage! I’m by no means insinuating that we all need to be world-class performers, but I feel that it could not hurt to learn from those who are achieving high levels of success. Especially when there is an easily identifiable common trait, which in this case is meditation. 
It slowly became clearer and clearer to me that meditation might be less bullshit than I had originally anticipated. 
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Before we get into things, it is important to acknowledge that although meditation is now becoming increasingly commercialised and “trendy” in Western Cultures, meditation has been a huge component of many spiritual practices for many hundreds of years. In the East, meditation played a huge role in particular in both Hinduism and Buddhism. The earliest records of Meditation can be found in the Vedas, a religious text written in Sanskrit in 500bc.  After reading the Vedas the Buddha added his own spin too, developing his own technique called Satipatthana, which is now most commonly known as Mindfulness. The direct translation is Sati (Attention) or (Remember) + Upa (Inside) + Thana (to keep) So Satipatthana means: To keep your attention inside. 
Transcendental Meditation was introduced to the West in part by the popular culture of the 1960’s. A notable contribution was The Beatles sharing their experiences after visiting India. Although Mindfulness meditation was introduced much later to Western Cultures. Throughout this article I will primarily be discussing the effects of Mindfulness Meditation.
Over the last few years, the process of meditation, as well as its effects, has become a rapidly expanding subfield of neurological research. One of the most interesting experiments involved scientists conducting tests on a Monk, finding that although he was 41 he had the brain of a 33 year old. They gave him an FMRI scan while asking him to cultivate a sense of compassion by meditating, and the neural activity in his empathy circuits grew by 700-800%!  One of the researches later wrote “Such an extreme increase befuddles science.” 
When most of us anticipate getting burned our pain receptors act as though we are already suffering. So much so that when the pain actually comes nothing really changes. Once the physical stimulus stops the mental pain slowly subsides. Expert meditators act much less in anticipation of the pain and feel the pain more intensely while the stimulus is present. Their awareness of the pain ceases immediately as soon as the stimulus is removed.  
Interestingly enough, the emotional centre for  the brain, the Amygdala, acts in a similar fashion to the pain response. Meditators are often much better at responding in anticipation to emotional stress.
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I’m someone who has always lived predominately inside their thoughts, probably leaning on the more erratic side. The thought of being able to sit in silence sorta freaked me out, not to mention seeming borderline impossible.
To understand what my mind looks like, you need to look no further than The Simpsons. Remember that scene where Homer is listening to Marge and inside his brain a monkey is clanging symbols? That’s the relationship I had with my brain almost all of the time. I believe this is the same for most of us. 
Let’s put this to the test. You, my lucky reader, can be the test subject of a little experiment on your own psyche. For the next minute, I want you to close your eyes and just do your best to focus solely on your breath. 3…2..1. GO! 
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How did you go? Did you get lost in your thoughts? Did you forget entirely that you were even trying to focus at all? Where did your mind take you? Your relationship (or lack of)? Work? Or maybe even what you might have for dinner?
I found that when I first began meditating my mind would sometimes find itself distracted on the most obscure things. The reason why I am illustrating this point is because often when I speak to others who have tried meditation for the first time, I hear “I tried meditation, and it’s not for me - I just think too much”. I hate to say it, but these are the people who probably should be learning to meditate most of all. 
The way I see meditation, is similar to closing background apps on your phone. It saves battery, and it just makes your phone faster. No brainer. I believe the same is true with meditation and giving your brain a break from constantly thinking. 
A lot of the people who are reading this article will have grown up with internet access. Therefore,  you have been bombarded with external stimuli in each and every moment. Bzzz, Bzzzz, Bzzzzzzzz. I’m sure that most of you will have received a messages even whilst reading this article.
Our brains have been over stimulated and are in a constant state of overdrive. Even when we are asleep our brains are constantly thinking, even if it is in the form of dreams! Obviously that isn’t a negative on it’s own, in fact sleep is crucial for the brain. But when you add everything up it’s a lot for a brain that has only been subject to this much stimuli for around 15 years - the first iPhone only came out 13 years ago. 
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As you discovered just before, learning to “not think” doesn’t happen instantly. Like you, when I first attempted to sit in silence and tried to focus on my breath it did not work. My monkey mind remained supreme. Once again I was convinced that it wasn’t for me. But like all skills, meditation takes time and discipline to both learn, and improve. 
I’m not saying this to deter you, it’s just the truth. An easy comparison might be to say that you wanted to learn how to play a musical instrument. It would be ridiculous to expect that you would be able to play your favourite song after your first time attempting to pick up the instrument. The same logic can be applied to meditation. It takes time, practice and discipline - however unlike musical instruments, you bring your mind to all situations in life. In my opinion, sharpening your ability to think is well worth the investment. According to scientific studies Mindfulness meditation induces big changes in the minds of experts, but when beginners first meditate not much happens.
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At its core, the aim of meditation is to become more present in each moment by focusing and training attention and awareness. This is to achieve a mentally clear and emotionally calm and stable state. This in turn gives you the ability to have significantly more control of how you react to external and internal stimuli when they arise in your life.
In Mindfulness meditation, the goal is to act as an observer whilst focusing on your breath, watching your conscious experience as thoughts and sensations arise and disappear. 
As mentioned earlier we are often multi tasking, with tech and external stimuli, but even whilst we are not, we remain deep in thought. We are often living in the past or in the future through memory rather than in each and every moment.  
Meditation helps you learn how to not be constantly reactive to stimuli on the inside or outside. When I meditate, I find that it simply quiets my mind. It’s a simple reset of the brain allowing me to slow down and focus solely on the present. 
Another way of looking at it is that meditation is like going to the gym. You can see it as a way of working out your mind. To begin with your mind will wander, time traveling from the past to the future. But with practice you can slowly train your mind to become more present.
Being present throughout the day allows me to consciously make better decisions, rather than just remaining on autopilot. 
As hedge fund billionaire Ray Dalio puts it “When you're centred, your emotions are not hijacking you”. “Meditation is 'the single most important reason for my success.”
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If you are looking to start meditation, Mindfulness meditation apps are a great way to initially learn how to meditate. I still find myself using one most days. Having tried all of them, I would recommend Sam Harris’ Waking Up app. Its thirty day training course is clear and concise and an awesome starting point to learn how to meditate. After that, new daily meditations appear on the app. Harris is a Neuroscientist and an Atheist and breaks meditation down in a way that is less spiritual which might make more sense to a western audience. 
Worried it’s going to cost too much? If you can’t afford a subscription, you can email the help section and receive a one year free subscription. No questions asked. You have no excuse not to try it! 
Other Mindfulness app alternatives are: 
- Headspace - Andy Puddicombe
- Smiling Mind (An Australian non-profit alternative)
For further learning check out these guys:
Sam Harris, Mooji, Ram Dass and Andy Puddicombe
I am by no means an expert in this field, I just wanted to share something which has improved the quality of my life by at least 10%. I hope that it works for you too! 
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goodnightkisseu · 4 years
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Time To Heal - Chapter 7
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→ pairing: sehun x reader
→ genre: fluff, angst, struggling musician sehun x rich reader
→ word count: 4,054
→ warnings: none
→ summary: you had your life planned out for you ever since you were a little girl. However, when your friend, Baekhyun, takes you with him to his old hangout, you meet someone, someone you were willing to risk your parents’ criticism to be with. His name was Oh Sehun. But, in the end, what you really should have asked yourself, was if Sehun was ready to face your parents…
→ masterlist // exo masterlist // time to heal masterlist
→ [prologue] [ch.1] [ch.2] [ch.3] [ch.4] [ch.5] [ch.6] [ch.7]
→ updates taglist~: @chanyeolol​​​ @meryljill-111192​​​ @sehunscutiepie​​​​ @hi-cupid​​​ @lilian235​​​
note: we are coming up on the end of this series! ;A; honestly I’ve fallen back in love with it as I’ve been editing it for all of you to read ;; I hope that you’ll all enjoy this chapter!
Also, please let me know if you would like to be tagged in this story~
- ash <3
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Over the last two years, you had run through hundreds of scenarios in your mind. You theorized about seeing Sehun again, about the things that you would say to each other, but nothing quite amounted to what happened when you actually met. It was definitely awkward, and rightfully so in your eyes. It had been years, and there was no way for either of you to grasp the type of pain the other went through. However, seeing each other again didn't feel nearly as bad as you had expected. You had a nice dinner, and Sehun even went out of his way to apologize for his past behavior. That was never something you had planned to hear.
When you told Baekhyun about your encounter with Sehun, your friend was quick to ask how you felt. He knew it had been trying for you, so, for the meeting to take a completely different turn than you had hypothesized, it was likely a shock. And honestly, you weren't sure if you even knew how you felt. Sehun was someone that had broken your heart, and never did you think he'd feel remorse for it. But you could tell that he was aware of his actions, and that felt more in line with the Sehun that you knew. Your feelings towards him at the moment were... complicated.
Yet, as complicated as they were, you weren't going to let them stand in the way of his apparent efforts to make amends. Additionally, you felt like accepting his apology might have been the step that you needed to move on with your life, to keep him from running through your mind. So, after receiving his new number from Baekhyun, you sent a simple message. It read, "Let's put the past behind us and move forward. Good luck with your new single, and I can't wait to hear it!"
In the days that followed, you felt a sense of relief, weight lifted off of your shoulders. It felt like making amends after all of this time was the right move. It felt right to move forward, and that was what you did. Slowly, you found yourself emerging from this space that had only been occupied by you and Baekhyun. You started to go out again, whether you were invited by Baekhyun or your coworkers. You started living that life that you had unknowingly put on hold. The more time you spent with others, the more you felt like a whole person, your own person again. You were able to have fun, to chat with them, to really experience life in the way you wanted to.
And in due time, you even started dating again.  
Nothing was ever quite permanent. It had been a long time. You had to rediscover and realize what you were actually looking for in a significant other. Guys came and went, but you never quite clicked with any of them... until Changmin. He was your longest relationship after Sehun, though it only lasted for a little over half a year. The two of you had met during fashion week. Your parents sent you to oversee their part of the show, as they had some other business out of the country. You had met backstage while you were directing some of your models, and he taking pictures of the different lines from each company. Something at that moment just clicked for the both of you.
Coincidentally, Changmin was someone that your parents had been trying to set you up with for years. He ran an editorial company that was well respected across the industry. To your parents, it was a match made in heaven for you and your business. He was a nice man, and his reputation had the possibility of boosting up your family's brand. The potential for both companies to grow together was exponential. Your parents were thrilled.
Unfortunately, it didn't work out. You weren't sure exactly what drove you apart. Everything had been going so well for the two of you... until it wasn't. It could have been the extra hours that you had to put in to get the new line ready for the coming season. It could have been the fact that Changmin was overseas for most of the year, the two of you only meeting up when he was in town. Honestly, you spent so much time apart you wouldn't have been surprised if maybe you fell out of it because he already had someone else. At the end of the day, the relationship came to an end, much to your parents' disappointment.
Admittedly, it was painful losing Changmin. During those periods where the two of you had been inseparable when your relationship was in a good state, you had started to depend on him. With things in Baekhyun's life picking up, Changmin had become your source of comfort in your best friend's absence. Now that he was gone, you felt that emptiness again. It was that same type of void you felt when Sehun exited your life, and like a creature of habit, you threw yourself back into your work. The only difference was that you didn't close yourself off this time. You still went out, had a good time with the people closest to you, but with your career picking up, you decided that there wasn't time for another serious relationship.
Instead, you had to focus on your true passion, your job. And in seemingly no time at all, three years passed.
You had been working hard to learn the ins and outs of the industry, immersing yourself in everything it had to offer. You went to every show, board meeting, and kept your focus on learning how the business was run.  With retirement around the corner, your parents very naturally started to give you more control of the company. They were transitioning you into the full-time over and representative in their absence. And though it had been stressful at first, time and patience made it all a bit easier. Everyone that worked at the fashion house gave you time, and for that, you were grateful. You still had a lot to learn, but with your parents' excitement with their newest line, you knew that you had no choice but to make sure that it did well.
Today was filled to the brim with work, much like your schedule had been for the last few months. You were to oversee the photoshoot for the new line, so that morning, bright and early, you drove out to the studio, meeting the rest of your staff in the large open building. You worked with the stylists to organize the clothes in an easy to access manner. You talked with the makeup artists about which looks would suit the different moods and styles of the wardrobe pieces. You coordinated with Jinhee, the lead for this line, making sure that you had each checked off everything on your list. She was in high spirits today, and you couldn't help but chuckle at her eagerness.
The entire time that Jinhee had been working on this line, she had a model in mind that she wanted to represent it. She was never forthcoming with his name, but this was something that you had all grown accustomed to. She didn't want to ruin the surprise for anyone because, to her, the model was such a big part of making the line come together, and she wanted everyone to properly experience that. What she had said about him was that he wasn't a model by trade. He was someone that worked in the entertainment industry and had a knack for photographing well. Many magazines had asked him to be a part of their issue, and each photoshoot turned out better than the last. So, when the model walked arrived, you weren't sure exactly what to expect.
Well, you knew one thing you weren't anticipating. You hadn't suspected that it would be Sehun.
As one of your interns gave him a tour of the set, blushing like mad whenever he would throw her a smile, you couldn't help but realize how strangely life worked. It almost felt like a twisted form of fate to bring the two of you together like this. Even though it was for a work function, it still felt very surreal. You hadn't seen Sehun in years. Life had picked up so quickly that the last time the two of you met up was about a month after you reunited at his concert. But it wasn't just you that got busy. It was also Sehun.
From what the news and Baekhyun told you, the single that Sehun had mentioned was in the works when the two of you last met was the one that shot them to stardom. It didn't make waves on its initial release, but the more that people heard it, the more interest the band garnered. Within a month, the song topped the charts for multiple weeks on end, a feat that had been difficult for many artists in recent years. Sehun and the band started to get more recognition. They ended up doing lots of interviews and television appearances. Their schedule got so packed that even Baekhyun had a hard time meeting up with them. The two of you lamented about how the job of a celebrity must have been hard. Still, you knew that, no matter what, Sehun would always keep in contact with Baekhyun, even if it was just a simple text.
You would also send Sehun a message from time to time, though you rarely expected an answer, unlike your friend. Granted, your words were usually congratulatory, messages of excitement when a new album or tour was announced. Sehun's answers in reply were always rather simple, typically a 'thank you' or something along those lines. He would do the same for you, mostly if he saw good things about your company in the headlines, about how innovative it was or how well it was doing. The two of you would sometimes chat after that, filling the void, but it never got personal. It was strange to think that, at one point, you were in love.
But now, you were just acquaintances. Ones that would check in on each other from time to time. It definitely made Baekhyun's life easier, not having to dance around when he talked about the two of you. Still, there was something rather... bittersweet about it.
You had been so busy running around, making sure that everything was in place, that you didn't get a chance to properly greet Sehun at first. It wasn't until your intern brought him over to meet the team that the two of you finally met. Everyone happily greeted him, lamenting on his handsome features. You knew that he couldn't show it, but the way that his eyes locked on your own, you knew that he was surprised to see you. Still, he politely greeted everyone, and you did the same, inviting him to sit and relax for a bit while you worked with the team on the finishing touches.
Overall, the photoshoot went rather well. It was outfit after outfit, lighting change after lighting change, and makeup touchups, but every time you studied the monitor or watched the live shoot in front of you, you had to admit that Jinhee was right. Sehun really did fit this type of styling. Granted, you were sure that Sehun could pull off anything, as he was the type that always made what he wore seem comfortable and fitting to him, this particular set of colors, combined with this strong features, completed the look. He really suited the vibe that the higherups were looking for from this line, and you were relieved. The slight awkwardness for you was well worth the results, in your opinion.
As everyone prepared for the next set of outfits, your eyes wandered around, making sure that everything was proceeding as expected. Your eyes eventually landed on one of your stylists as she helped Sehun into his next outfit. Yet, something about it felt... off. Slowly, you left your spot behind the monitors and approached them, the issue catching your eye immediately.
"Hyerin, this type of shirt doesn't lie quite like that," you told her, the young woman jumping slightly when she heard your voice. You apologized for scaring her before you proceeded to direct her on how to adjust the fabric. However, instead of doing what you suggested, she moved out of the way instead, leaving you to pick up the material and fix it yourself. Though, as you worked, you never focused on the person in front of you, only on the clothes.
"It's more like this," you told her, demonstrating how the cloth should lie. "The style is more open, so you want to make sure that it sits comfortably on the model's shoulders," you instructed. You saw Hyerin nod, thanking you before she excused herself to get the next outfit ready. You continued to fiddle with the fabric for a bit longer, making sure that it suited the style you were looking for. Once you finished, you turned to head back to the monitors, when the male in front of you finally spoke.
"I didn't expect to see you today. I had no idea that you were directing photoshoots now," Sehun stated. His words managed to stop you from walking away, and inwardly he was glad. This was the first time in years that you were in front of him again, and everything in his being told him to keep you there, to keep you talking.
"Well, I've been promoted a couple of times since we last met up. The upside is that I have more say in everything now. The obvious downside is the responsibilities and the lack of sleep," you joked, wanting to keep it light between the two of you. Yet, you also knew that you needed to address the obvious elephant in the room, as well. "By the way, I'm sorry if this is a bit uncomfortable for you. Jinhee never disclosed the name of the model she wanted for this photoshoot. I never would have known that you would be the one to show up, or else I would have asked for someone else to direct..."
Gently, Sehun shook his head. "Don't worry about it. I'm actually not uncomfortable at all. We did decide to put all of that behind us, didn't we?" he inquired, seeing that small smile cross your features as you gave him a nod. "Actually, if I'm, to be honest, I'm glad you're here. It's good to see you, and your presence has helped to ease my nerves..."
At that moment, you dared to look up at him, your eyes looking into his, getting lost in those gentle dark orbs you used to love so much. As much as you were a source of calm for Sehun, he had been the same for you. Honestly, no photoshoot you had ever directed had gone as smoothly as today's had, and though you didn't want to admit it at first, Sehun definitely was a factor in it.
"It's nice to see you as well," you told him earnestly. There was more that you wanted to say, but when the photographer announcing that he was ready for the next set of shots, it cut you off before you could. "Keep up the good work, okay?" you told him, before running back to your previous position, picking up your things and getting right back to work.
"I... I missed you..." Sehun murmured to himself, the words that he wanted to speak to you directly, but wasn't able to. It annoyed him that he didn't just say them, but he knew that there were other things to focus on at the moment, and that was not one fo them. Instead, he moved back under the bright lights, going straight to work, in front of the cameras that he had grown accustomed to.
After the two of you met up again, having made amends for the past, it became painfully apparent to Sehun that he missed having you in his life. At first, he had thought it was just a fleeting feeling, a strong sense of nostalgia at your presence, but as the weeks and then months passed, he knew it was more than that. There were days, after long hours of practice that he longed for your comforting and supportive aura, that presence that used to calm him when things were difficult. He missed that beautiful smile you would give him and the way it would light up the room around you. He missed your encouraging words, the ones that would lift his spirits and make the days more comfortable. Sehun knew that all of these small things, these things that he used to love about you, were things that he wanted in his life again.
For a long time, he told himself that they were things that he could no longer have. He convinced himself that he had broken the relationship beyond repair. Instead, he found solace in your little congratulatory messages and the light conversation that would follow. Yet, he wanted more. He craved for more conversation, for more interactions, and eventually, he threw his pride aside and asked Baekhyun about how you were doing. What he hadn't expected his friend to tell him was that you moved on, that you had started to date again.
It wasn't something that surprised Sehun, and he knew that it was bound to happen. He wanted you to be happy to find someone that made you happy. It just pained him that he might not be able to be that person for you anymore. He found himself interacting with you less, trying to still the pain of his own heart. Work became his best distraction, and he stopped hoping that anything would change between the two of you.
Seeing you today, though it was a surprise, also brought some of those feelings to the surface again. Sehun knew where he was, and that, as professionals, you both had a job to do. But still... he wondered... if maybe...
The remainder of the shoot went smoothly. There weren't too many lighting changes or even makeup changes for the rest of the day. A majority of it was just getting Sehun in and out of the remaining outfits, something that the stylists could handle on their own. You continued to monitor from a distance, only piping up if something felt off. In the early evening was when the photoshoot finally came to an end. You thanked everyone for all of their hard work in making this line look and feel as amazing as it did before you all started to pack up for the day. You helped sort through the clothes, making sure that they were put in the correct boxes while your photographer and his team packed away all of their lights.
As people shuffled around the noise level at its highest for the day, you almost didn't notice the older man approaching you. It was Sehun's manager, and the moment that he got your attention, he asked if you would have a minute to speak with Sehun later. It seemed like your old acquaintance wanted to see you. In turn, you asked if it would be possible to meet with Sehun after your staff had left, and the man agreed, going to relay the information to his charge.
Once everything was accounted for and neatly stowed away, you helped your team move everything out to the vans that were parked outside. They informed you that they would be able to get everything back to the studio on their own, and you thanked them. When all of the cars were gone, you made your way back into the building, the space larger now that it was emptied out. You heard the sound of footsteps approaching the room as a familiar and tall figure entered, giving you a small wave. Sehun arrived without his manager in tow, and you could only imagine that he was downstairs, waiting for the artist.
"So, why did you want to talk to me in private?" you asked softly.
"I figured that you wouldn't want the people you worked with to gossip, so I thought this would be better. It is a private matter at all, between us," he replied, seeing you gently nod. Both of you were aware of the damage that could be done if rumors started flying. You may have been in a relationship before, but it wasn't well-known by anyone. Something like that coming out could be detrimental to both him and you... mainly if people went digging for information.  
Still, now that he was given this time alone with you, he wasn't too sure how to proceed. What were the proper words to use in this situation? Maybe, he just needed to say it. "Earlier... I wanted to say that I missed you."
Everything that Sehun had to say lately felt like it surprised you, though you tried not to let it read on your features. There was a time when you had also missed his presence. Over the years, you decided not to depend on that old feeling too much. You had tried to move on, but you couldn't deny that he had been a big part of your life, and that, sometimes, you would miss him too. You just never thought that he'd admit that, given how things had gone before.
"I... I feel the same sometimes," you confessed, seeing that bit of surprise flicker across his features.
"I guess... I guess that's a natural feeling for both of us. That sometimes, it could be weird not having the other around," he explained, watching you nod. "It feels like something is... missing, right?"
You nodded. Sehun was hitting the nail right on the head, but you weren't entirely sure where he was going with this, and you wanted to know. You wanted him to make a move.
"I know that we can't be who we were before, but I miss your companionship. We said we would make amends, and we've started to, but I would like to try harder. I would like for us to be able to confide in each other again. I know that pain doesn't expire, and I'm not saying that we just throw all of that out the window, but I... I miss having you around as a friend. The guys are great, but they don't understand me like you do..."
It was apparent from his words that Sehun shared your sentiments. You, too, had missed the comfort and safety that he used to provide for you. Before, it wasn't just Baekhyun that you could run to, but Sehun too. Often, you would even feel more comfortable speaking to Sehun about things than Baekhyun. Maybe having that back... it would be nice. It was better than hiding those troubles away from the world.
"It's going to be strange and awkward, you know. Going back to being friends... there's obvious damage that's been done," you pointed out.
"I'm well aware. But I think, because we're aware of it, we won't try to push it if it doesn't feel right," Sehun added. "Plus, don't you think it would make Baek happy? You know, getting to spend time with the both of us, and not having to have split custody?"
You scoffed. "You know how I feel about Baek, Sehun. I have a soft spot for him. You can't go using him against me..."
"Unfortunately, Baek is the only card I have to play. After all, you're his ride or die," he teased, a gentle smile lining his features.
The silence grew between the two of you, and you were the first to speak up after giving it some thought. "Then let's give it a try. For old time's sake."
With that confirmation, Sehun gave you a small nod and a smile. As he saw you off that night, Sehun felt the void in his heart filled. Though he didn't know how to express it, having you back in his life, even as a friend, made him whole again...
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ohtheseboysilove · 5 years
Text
The wedding bells. [Ben Hardy x F!Reader] IV
Words : 2, 100 K +
Warnings : angst, smut
Summary :  Reader always been against marriage. Ben know that but ask her anyway. The fight which follow during the next months put their whole relationship between question marks. How two peoples can stay together when they don’t want the same thing for the future ?
☀ Masterlist ☀
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Few days at Gwil ended up in a whole month at a hotel room. You were all by yourself most of the time, too ashamed to see your friends, to explain what you did. They all probably already knew. Ben never answered your texts, not once. Gwilym was sympathetically keeping you update and as more time passed, you were less convinced that Ben would come back to you.
You were terrified he had find someone else. He would, easily. And this one would marry him happily.
Living without hearing Ben’s voice was hard. Not knowing what he did, if he was okay or if he was eating enough was a pure torture. Yes, you were one of these very co-dependent couple, doing almost everything together. And this silence was killing you. But what there was nothing you could do. You already asked at your office to be transferred at another one, much farther from your place but at least your weren’t seeing Nathan, by respect for Ben. You texted him about it but he never answered. He read it though.
Your days were exactly similar, boring, sad and lonely. Going to work and nothing else. Waiting uselessly for Ben’s replied which never came.
**
You heard from him after sixty-five days of total silence.
I need more time.
That was the text. You assured him that he could take all the time he wanted, you would wait for him. And you did. You waited patiently during seventeen other days.
And one day, he was back.
At first you were sure it was a dream. It was the middle of the night and per usual you weren’t sleeping, keeping awake by regrets. You were wearing Ben’s pyjama pants and one of his old tee-shirt, cuddling a pillow on his side of the bed. Your head was buried in the cushion, crying quietly, body shaking at each sob.
That how Ben found you when he entered the dark flat, dropping his bag in the lobby, making his way to the bedroom, looking for you. The sigh broke his heart already well damaged. He silently kicked off his shoes and his top, keeping his grey sweatpants on before sliding in the bed. You didn’t notice him, too lost in your dark thoughts but when he put his warm chest against your back, both of his arms wrapping around your frame, you gasped loudly. It took you a second to recognised him. His unique scent, his natural warmth, his strong arms, it was Ben. He was here.
Finally.
You stayed silent. Afraid to say something wrong who would make him leaves you again. You weren’t entirely sure if you were awake. It seemed too perfect. You simply put your hands on his, which were tightly encircling your torso, keeping you close. Ben’s interlaced your fingers together and squeezed them softly. A low sob fell from your lips, a wave of relief rolling on you. He was back to you. You didn’t know if it was for good but at lease he was here right now.
Soon enough you felt him shifted and he gently rolled you to face him, his thumb wiping away the tears from your cheeks. He glanced at you before pressing his lips against yours, kissing you. It was soft and gentle, feeling like a caress on your lips, warming all your body. You kissed him back immediately, hands wrapped around his neck, tears still rolling on your face, making the kiss sloppy and salty but you couldn’t care less. Ben was kissing you and it was all what mattered. The kiss was slow but deep and long, tongues rubbing intimately against each other, savouring this affection after months apart. Soon enough things escalated quickly and he was on your, his lips kissing every inch of your neck, making you moan lowly.
It was incredibly intimate, like if you were rediscovering each other, slowly and deeply. He took off your top and went back at his kisses, peppering pecks on your breasts, hands softly massaging your bottom. Every caress, touch, kiss and gesture were soft...gentle...slow...he was coating you with love and tenderness.
You needed more, you needed more contact, more of him. You slid off your pants, exposing you completely at him as he did the same, kicking away his sweatpants and boxer somewhere in the room. His shaft was red and hard against his stomach, contrasting with the quiet and peaceful atmosphere of the room. He put back his lips on yours, brushing his tongue on your bottom lip as you ran your hairs in his hairs, longer than the last time you saw him. His cock was rubbing on your bare cunt but none of you were in any rush, still savouring the long-waited reunion. Not fully believing it was happening. You really thought sometime that you would never shared any intimate moments with Ben again.
Your whole body froze at the thought. The blond immediately caught your change of mood and moved his face away, his eyes locked in yours. Neither of you had say a word since he arrived and you would be the first to speak. You needed an honest answer.
“Is...is this a goodbye ?” It wasn’t rare to have one last time with the person you were breaking-up with, a last moment of affection, especially when things ended with still love on both sides. You couldn’t go any further without a replied. You needed to know if it was the last time that you were with Ben or if it was the beginning of a new chapter in yours and Ben’s story. In both case you would let him make love to you.
His plump lips were parted and swollen, begging to be kissed. The blond humidified them and shook his head softly, murmuring his answer.
“No” You closed your eyes for a second, a deep, shaky breath leaving your mouth.
That was all you needed to hear. You pressed back your lips on his and wrapped your legs around his waist, more tears pooling in yours eyes. Happy tears this time.
“Ben, please, I need you”
“You’re sure ?” The blond whispered against your mouth, rubbing his nose against yours.
“Please”
Ben captured your lips for a soft and quick kiss before grabbing his cock and pressing the top against your wet folds, both of you moaning lowly at the friction.
“Shit, I missed you so much baby” Ben whimpered when he entered in you, the walls of your inside immediately hugging his length perfectly.
“Me too Ben” You gasped, mouth parted at the delicious rubbing of dick against your walls, his green dilated eyes staring at you in pure bliss.
You wrapped your legs tighter around him, hands hugging even more his shoulders as he trusted into you, slowly and deeply, soft moans filling the room. It wasn’t even about sex, it was more about the proximity, the intimacy to reconnect. You needed Ben the closest way to you possible and him being inside you was bringing you as humanly possible close to him. Every part of your bodies touching each other, his frame covering you, his weight wasn’t crushing you, only making him even more real, he was truly here.
“Feel so good” His plump lips whispered, his hips snapping against yours, keeping this agonising slow pace.
You could feel perfectly every nudge of the tip of his cock inside you, every twitching as his climax grew inside him, his warm breath blowing on your face as his right hand was stabilising him on the bed, the other one grabbing your bare ass cheek.
“Ben” You murmured as his slid his thumb on your clit, circling on it as slowly as the rest of the pace, taking his sweet time, not in a teasing way but simply because he didn’t want to finish this moment.
Pure bliss was rolling on you, making you blood boiled with pleasure. His lips and dick knowing perfectly what to do to please you, where to suck and where to hit, your small whimpers bringing him closer to the edge.
Ben’s movements grew sloppier and lazier as he was almost there, as well as you, the knot in your lower belly ready to explode. He french kissed you, deeply, his swollen lips melting perfectly against yours then before you could formed a coherent word, you came, hardly and in long moan, swallowed by Ben’s mouth. Your walls clenching furiously around Ben’s cock as you eyes rolled in the back of your head, stream of ecstasy drowning you in a perfect symphony. The blond whispered few times your name but you barely registered, too lost in your high, panting and burring you nails into Ben’s flesh. He shot his hot load against your walls, murmuring your name all over again. And you whispered his. Kissing him until your out of breath, head dizzy from the intensity.
He stayed inside you for few more seconds, savouring the feeling of you, wrapped around him in the most intimate embrace possible. Your fingers brushed back few locks from his forehead, the coat of sweat making them stuck on his shiny skin. You looked at each other, panting and messy.
“I love you” He mouthed before pressing a soft, lingering kiss right between your breath then slowly slid out of you, both of you hissing lowly.
He fell on his back and you immediately climbed back on him, half of your body over his, nuzzling your face at the junction of his neck and collarbone, lips resting on his skin. He wrapped an arm around you and used his other hand to grip the back of your thigh, keeping close to him. Legs messily tangled together. It wasn’t the most comfortable position for either of you but you just needed this proximity right now. You couldn’t care if the sheets were stained with Ben’s cum or if you were too hot and too sweaty for the embrace, you couldn’t budge, every fibre of your frame craving for Ben.
“I thought I lost you” You broke the comfortable silence after several minutes, your lips moving against his skin as you spoke. A shiver ran down his spine and you clearly felt it.
“Never. I’m sorry about everything” He replied, his chest vibrating under you as he quietly spoke.
“You don’t have to apologise Ben”
Another silence took place, longer and you really thought the conversation was over. You would both pretend these past months never happened and you were more than happy with that. You just wanted to move on. With Ben. But as you were about to drift to sleep, his so familiar scent relaxing you, his fingers softly brushed the back of your neck and he spoke :
“You’re enough” Your breath itched in your throat at his words, immediately waking you up. He was making a reference of the conversation you had before he left for a month. When you asked him why you weren’t enough as a girlfriend. You swallowed nervously, your digits rubbing against his shoulder absent-mindedly. “You’re bloody enough, more than enough. You’re fucking perfect and I treated you like shit, making you feel unworthy of me and I’m so sorry, baby” he cupped your chin gently, raising your face at his level, his eyes looking at you so intensely, you could have blush if your cheeks weren’t already so red from your previous activities.
“I’m not perfect, I acted like a child and I cheated on you, I’m fucking disgusting” You croaked out, the guilt making you sick in your stomach.
“Shush, you made a mistake because of how stupid I was with you, I forgive you long ago. I was more mad at myself than you these past days” He murmured, his fingers tracing the shape of your face as you melted into his delicate touch, so relieved to have back at your side. You looked at him with shiny eyes, the hate for yourself clearly painted all of over his face. “Do you like him ? Does Nathan mean something to you ?” His eyes were carefully looking at you, almost afraid of your answer.
“No, he don’t. I don’t care about him, at all” Your fingers rubbed his shoulder, lips softly brushing against his cheekbone. “I love you. Only you” You murmured truthfully.
A soft smile appeared on his lips and he pressed a kiss on your forehead.
“Then that all I need to hear” His eyes closed as he brought your head on his chest, body still tightly interlaced. “I love you and you’re enough. The rest doesn’t matter anymore”
And you knew he wasn’t lying. You were enough.
**
Tag list :  @jennyggggrrr @luvborhap  @mercurycrowley
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el-gilliath · 5 years
Text
Stab me
@sabrinachill and @ubiestcaelum both cackled evilly and sent me “Stab me. No, seriously. Stab me”. Hope you’ll enjoy the angst ladies (though the boys did demand a hopeful ending so there is that)
Alex wakes up in pain. And he knows this is going to be a bad day. Because the electric shock of pain in his leg is excruciating. The electric shock of pain in his right leg. He has way too long of a day to deal with PLP, with work first and then… he has a date. With Michael. Their first in a long time, after everything. And he wants it to go well. He needs it to go well. They’ve both tried relationships with other people, they’ve tried the friend thing (and succeeded), and now they are trying again. They’re both single, free of all obligations and shit that can bring them down. They want to see if their cosmic connection is still there, if they can build a healthy and safe relationship with one another. It’s been 15 years since their first kiss. And they need/want/hope this works. Because they are still in love with one another deep down. And that matters. Alex also knows that the alternative to this not working is Michael finishing up the console and leaving for Antar, war-torn though it might be. And he doesn’t want that at all
But getting through the day with his PLP flaring up will not be easy. And he knows that he will be exhausted at the end of the day. But Alex is nothing if not a stubborn little shit and settles for ignoring it as best as he can as he gets up, gets dressed and take some muscle relaxants to get through the day.
-------------------
Of course, it works as well as he hoped it would. By 6PM, which is when Michael is supposed to come pick him up, he is in so much pain that he wants to cry. He’s tried medication. He’s tried massaging the stump. He’s tried music and imagery and repositioning the stump by propping it on a pillow. But nothing is working, and it is seriously fucking with his mind. It hasn’t been this bad in a long while, and the fact that it’s happening of today of all days… Makes him question everything. Like he’s really meant to let Michael go again. And he’s not ready for that, not even close. He needs them to try, he needs them to work. He needs…
“Alex? You in here?” The sound of Michael’s voice tears a sob from his throat. He doesn’t want Michael to see him like this, not today. But it’s inevitable. And a second later the door to the cabin bursts open and there he is. And he is the most beautiful thing Alex has ever seen, curls tamed underneath the hat, a white button-up shirt and blue (whole) jeans. He made an obvious effort and Alex is crying in pain.
“Alex! Are you hurt? What’s wrong?!?” Michael rushes over to him and takes his hand in his. And even that is too much for Alex who flinches violently as it sends another bolt of electric pain through his leg. Michael backs way at the flinch but stays within touching range.
“is it your leg? PLP?” Michael asks, and Alex just looks at him in confusion. “You told me about it about a year ago, remember? How even touch could set it off when you were in it?”
And he nods, remembering the conversation they had the last time Michael saw Alex in the throes of PLP. Michael was so attentive and wanted to know everything he could do to help. It was the beginning of Alex rediscovering his feelings for Michael, fishing them up from the deep abyss in his brain where he has hidden them in the meantime.
“Michael. It hurts and I can’t make it stop.” The raw pain in his voice is obviously not easy for Michael to hear, because he reaches his hand out to touch Alex again, stopping to curl his hand back up so he won’t.
“What have you tried?”
Alex holds in a whimper, he doesn’t want to make Michael feel worse than he seems to be feeling already. “Everything. It just won’s stop.”
“Did you, uh, try the Grey’s Anatomy trick? You know, scalpel, foot?” They might need to have words about Michael apparently watching old episodes of Grey’s anatomy, but no. He has not tried that and shakes his head.
“You want to?” Michael asks, looking over at the hunting knife laying around in Alex’s bookshelf.
“Stab me. No, seriously. Stab me.” He pleads. And Michael helps him sit up. Helps him put the prosthesis on. Helps him stand up on both feet. Knowing he is hurting him, knowing Alex is in so much pain but always so willing to try, always so willing to help him. And as Alex puts his weight on the prosthesis, he summons the knife over, takes it out of the scabbard and plunges it into Alex’s prosthetic leg.
And he looks down on his foot, at the hunting knife stabbed through it and feels nothing but relief. Proof to his brain that the limb is no longer there, that there is no point in sending pain signals to a non-existing foot. He feels the pain roll back, the electric shocks receding slowly but surely, and he exhales deeply.
“You feel better?” He looks up at Michael and smiles, exhaustion and relief and joy and… love coursing through him. He reaches out and curls his hand in Michael’s shirt, pulling him down so he can place a short but oh so sweet kiss on his lips.
“Thank you,” he whispers against Michael’s lips, smiling brighter at the answering smile he can feel on Michael’s lips.
“Gotta make sure you’re okay for our future dates Major” Michael whispers against his lips, before he draws him back into another kiss. Alex knows it won’t be easy for them. There are still issues, PTSD and trauma to deal with. But for once, he will allow himself to be hopeful. And keep holding on to that hope.
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