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sp0o0kylights · 6 months

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[gasps] number 10 you had me at steddissy!!

Fun Facts about Patchworks, it and Chokechain where the two fics I was like "I'm not gonna post these until theyre complete theyre so close!!" and then posted parts of anyway lmao. Patchworks ended up needing a bit more than Chokechain did to finish it out but she's close.

This one also hasn't gotten The Red Pen of death Editing yet.

Snippet:

"I can't fucking belive this." Robin hisses, and Steve just sighs.

"How are you still mad?"

"How!? How could I be mad that after struggling with my sexuality; fighting it with tears and--and constant doubt for years, you just threw up once and that was it!"

She drops her voice as deep as it'll go, mocking Steve's own. "Guess I'm queer now, let me get my coffee."

"That's a horrible impression of me."

"Accurate you mean." Robin mutters darkly. "For the record I don't think you're fine by the way, I think you're repressing it."

"I'm not repressing anything Robin, I told you I'm comfortable liking both."

"Not the queerness, dingus, the reaction to the queerness!"

"I think you're just mad I'm better at being gay than you."

Robin gapes, mouth swimming through the movements without a sound.

Oh, he's really pissed her off, and Steve delights in that too, in a way only siblings and soulmates can.

"Better than me!?" She finally sputters, and Steve settles his hip against the counter, hands crossing smugly over his chest.

"Yes."

"You--you!" Robin's shaking a finger at him, and if steam could have come from her ears they would have.

Steve doesn't fight his grin.

"Talking," she says finally, slamming a stack of VHS's on the counter opposite him, and God is he thankful that Family Video is dead for this conversation, "is one thing. Let's see you actually back it up, hotshot.”

"By what? Hanging out with Munson?" Steve challenges back.

"Yes." Robin spits immediately. "We've all seen how you flirt. I want to see you put all those terrible flirting skills that we know don't work outside of high-school to the test!"

"I told you Robin, I was bombing on purpose at Scoops." He warns, as he warms up to the challenge.

Hanging out with Eddie will be easy.

Sprinkling a little light flirting on top?

A total cakewalk.

"I don't believe you." Robin says with narrowed eyes.

"Just watch." Steve tells her smugly.

The nice thing about it all?

Steve barely has to wait a few hours before he can prove himself right.

Eddie trots in as if the universe had given him his cue, coming up to the counter with one of his wilder grins.

"Minion!" He crows, and Steve rolls his eyes in response.

"Munson." He greets back, but makes sure to lean across the counter, curling his body towards Eddie.

Predictably, Eddie gets right up in his face.

"How goes the droll and drab life of retail?"

"Not terrible." Steve catches Robin's eye, and has to suppress any hint of smugness.

'Celebrate after you make the play!' Steve thinks in his coach's voice, and he settle himself in for the game.

"Say Eds," he says, and watches the way the nickname grabs the older teens attention, "you still selling weed?"

"Not to your freshman, I do keep my promises." A palm goes over Eddie's heart, face full of roughish charm.

Hook.

"Nah I was thinking for myself. My parents are home for the month and they're driving me up a tree."

A truth, though given they were close to their next departure their attention was off Steve and onto more important things.

Like getting into the right hair salon, or making sure they rubbed shoulders with this or that person.

"Think we could smoke at your place?" Steve dips even closer into Eddie's space, delights at how wide those doe eyes of his can grow. "I'm happy to pay."

Line.

"Sure, absolutely, uh, man." Eddie says, and Steve doesn't hold back the grin as he watches him fumble.

"Thanks." He beams, before reaching out to pretend to brush something off of Eddie's jacket. "You're a lifesaver."

"Sure am!" Eddie outright squeaks, and over his shoulder Steve can see Robin gawk at the two of them.

"Certified life guard Eddie, that's me!"

"Oh," Steve grins. "Certified. You'll have to show me how to do CPR sometime."

"Yeah, Eddie says, before abruptly wrenching himself out of Steve's space, face fire engine red. "I can show you when we uh, hang out. To smoke. What uh, day do you...?"

His voice goes higher in question, and Steve gives him his best slow 'I'm charmed' smile.

"Tonight? After work?”

"Tonight!" Eddie says, before he starts dancing back, waving finger guns at Steve. "My place! Be there or be square!"

"Well I'd hate to be square." Steve replies, giving a lazy wave as Eddie crashes backwards into the door, spins around with a curse and half falls, half tumbles his way out.

Sinker.

Steve turns a victorious look on Robin.

"He didn't even rent a movie." He preens, while Robin tracks the absolute disaster that is Eddie trying to drive his van away.

"Oh my God." She says, wide eyes meeting his too smug ones. "I'd say that was smooth but that was the farthest thing from it."

"Hey, I was smooth. We're only judging me, not my dance partners." He counters.

"Oh? Certified?" Robin mocks him once again, clenching her hands under his chin before dropping them in disgust. "I can't believe that worked, everyone knows you were a lifeguard for years!"

"I'm just that charming."

"More like Eddie's that far gone." She says with a dismissive snort. "He has it bad for you.”

"I dunno," Steve drawls, resting his chin on the back of his hand. "You're just as bad the second you think a girls flirting with you."

The offended gasp Robin lets out has Steve cackling immediately.

"You take that back!" She howls, winging a wet rag at him.

Steve jumps back, still laughing.

"Steven Harrington you take that back!"

"I promised not to tell lies Rob," He gasps, as she whips the towel at him again.

He reaches out a hand, catching the towel easily. “I can’t take it back!”

Robin shrieks, and soon enough they're both laughing and wrestling over the towel, all thoughts of the weird dance Steve, Eddie and Chrissy were doing, forgotten.

#this is more stobin and steddie #than it is steddissy #but it plays an important role in the three of them figuring itself out even if Chrissy isnt there #this ones safe to read if youre just into steddie #or a cute Stobin moment #featuring Steve “What Sexuality Crisis” Harrington #and TERRIBLE flirting

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obsolete-stars-if · 1 year

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Obsolete Stars

Last Update: 20th/April 2024

Last updated word count: + 19k including code Read time: ~5h 45min Join the discord

Currently available: Prologue Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 full

Take me to the demo. Now.

Disclaimer: While I do have an outline, this is a first draft/proof of concept situation. There will be many errors and things like personality options, and further expansion of the world around you, will be expanded once the first draft is done. Thank you for understanding.

Intro

So let’s be real, we all read fanfiction that followed the prompt of “Help, my parents sold me off to [insert boy band/ celebrate crush/ tumblr sexy man of the week)!”, but unlike those fanfictions, you weren’t sold off to your hot crush. After a life in isolation, your father, the king, sells you off to marry the prince of another country. With nothing but two guards, you make your way to meet the dreaded fate of marriage. Along the way, you will make friends, learn the truth about your kingdom, and find yourself in positions much worse than a forced marriage. One can only pray for your survival.

In this game you will explore your kingdom and what happened to the magic realm. It will include sensitive topics, and possible explicit content in the future.

The game focuses on interpersonal relationships.

What else?

Play as Male, Female, Nonbinary (option to customize your pronouns, future trans options planned)

Date one (or more) of your 7 friends

Play as straight, queer, poly, mono, or just be aro or ace

Be a total ass to your spouse or just accept your fate

Have fun seeing your kingdom in ruins!

Get your friends killed

Get yourself killed

Ę̸̱͌̌x̷͖̕p̵̣̰͐̓e̴̡̪̓̇r̸̨̹̉͘i̷͍̮̎͝e̴͇͋̒n̸̢̼͠c̵͎̳̓̈́e̵͙͇̽̄ ̴̼̈́͒j̵̨̢̈́͆ṳ̸͝͠d̶̝̈̇g̴̨͉̀̏e̸͎͒͛m̷̳̪̓ẽ̶̙͉ń̶͕͋t̵̺̾ ̵̘̓́d̵̹̈́å̵͚ȳ̸͓͗

Okay cool, but what about dating?

Tarek/Takischa (he/him; she/her) (Ftm/Mtf) (genderselectable)

Old and grumpy, TK is 15 years your senior and has been serving the palace your entire life. They are stoic and devoted to the crown, they take their job more than serious, sometimes they can even parental or possessive. Underneath their blank face, you know they care for you, and they always will.

They are 6′3 and have ashen honey hair, curly and cutting off just above their eyes. Pale green eyes set deep against their ivory skin. They hide almost all of their skin with layers of clothing.

(Great if you have parental issues.)

Samuel/Samira (he/him; she/her) (Ftm/Mtf) (genderselectable)

Young and curious, Sammy is just a year younger than yourself, they can be naive and easy trusting. They’re optimistic and want to impress you and all their friends. Sammy has a lot to learn, and they’re more than eager to do so. With enough care and time, Sammy will grow into a great protector.

Sammy is 5′9 with very short black hair. Against their warm beige skin tone, their monolidded eyes are a deep reddish brown. They wear simple robust clothes.

Sammy is ace and sex neutral.

(Great if you don’t enjoy angst)

Alia (she/they) (afab)

A quiet person, she keeps to herself, but always stays polite, she is a shrine maiden and TKs friend. She is a peacemaker at heart, and tries to deescalate every situation. She would be considered one of the strongest magic users, if she would ever use it. She is about six years your senior.

Alia is 5′3 and has bronze hair that is cut into a short wolf hairstyle. Blue eyes against satin freckled skin. She wears a lavender dress, with white clothing to cover her arm.

Alia is ace and sex repulsed.

(Great if you like slow burn)

Sascha (He/they) (Ftm)

He is about ten years older, but that can be quickly forgotten by how charming, egotistical and even cowardly he can act. He is not only a danger to you and your friends, but themselves too. He pulls danger from beyond your understanding into your orbit. He is a teasing smart ass that isn’t above blackmailing or hurting anyone. Not to forget that he committed the highest crime there is, stealing a magic companions.

They are 6′1 and have long grey-white hair that falls to his hips. He has very pale skin and ice blue eyes. He wears high quality clothes, and a golden jacket that fades into a deep red.

Sascha is ace and sex positive.

(Great test of your patience.)

Kate (she/her) (Mtf)

Just a few years older than you, she is noble and a healer, she is a loud and loving personality. With teasing smile, she cares deeply about everyone’s well-being, but will never be above calling anyone out.

She is 6′0, her chocolate goddess locs fall beneath her shoulders, the curls fading into a pink color. Dark deep brown eyes against warm yet ashen honey skin tone. She wears pink toned dresses and many accessories.

(Great if you like women.)

Mikhail (he/they) (amab)

The prince of Riag, your spouse, and the second general. His easy going and considerate personality makes it hard to grasp, that he is celebrated by his own soldiers and nobles of his country, deeply feared by anyone outside his country. A war criminal for his country. Beloved warrior, lover of war. He is only a few years your senior.

Mikail is 5′7 and their dark brown hair would fall to his shoulders, if it wasn’t pulled back into a ponytail. The tips of his hair fading into an earthy, almost blueish green tone, matching his eyes against his cool olive skin tone. He wears short clothing due to the heat in Riag and the many training sessions they have daily.

(Great if you believe everyone deserves a second chance.)

Gigi (she/her) (afab)

She promised Judgement Day.

Gigi is 5′6 and with ash blonde hair curling around her soft face frame, cutting off just below her ears, and light brown, almost hazel eyes. She wears primarily black with orange accessories.

Unofficial official RO Art/Ref

Moodboards, color palettes, playlist for each RO here:

Maps and miscellaneous stuff:

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indiecrowarts · 1 year

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There’s something so wholesome about the camaraderie between strangers who see eachother with their mobility aids. Here’s a few of my favorite examples I’ve experienced:

The time I had a really nice conversation with an older gentleman about this beautiful wooden walking stick he was using. His daughter worked in South Africa and brings new walking sticks for him made by craftsman where she works- it was really sweet and his walking stick was beautifully made :)

The time I was delivering food and it took a little while for the customer to come to the door, it ended up being an older woman with a walker profusely apologizing to me because she was slow, I showed her my cane and told her I understood and it wasn’t a problem, I could tell it made her feel better <3

The time one of my substitute teachers brought her cane to school and we chatted while I was working on my ap art project about how certain kids in my high school could be mean and insensitive, and we complimented each others cane patterns~

The time I was trying to deliver food to a hotel and I got to chat with two other queer people who were working as desk hosts, one was a cane user and we were talking about how dumb it was that a lot of businesses in my town could be really discriminatory towards employees with mobility aids (which is why he hides his in his car and why I was forced to leave my job). It was really cathartic and it was nice connecting with another human over shared issues <3

The time I met a special needs student by accepting her hug and having a nice conversation with her- she complimented my cane and was super sweet and nice- I could tell her aid was worried about how I’d respond to a stranger coming up and hugging me, but once she saw I reciprocated the hug- as well as my cane, I could tell she was relieved. I saw her a few more times after that and she always waved hi and shouted “Friend!” across the hall and it made me really happy :)

I don’t know there’s just something about events like this that warm my heart and I wanted to share

#young cane user #cane user #disabled #disability #disability positivity #disability pride #arthritis #fybromyalgia #mobility aid #young and disabled #wholesome #made my day #made my night #positivity

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martinsharmony · 2 months

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Thank you for your RPF post. I agree. I wake up thinking of scenarios for DT/MS. They're just there, in my head, being in love and content. And I need them there. I need to know that even middle aged queers can find love, that lives adapt, that finding new love doesn't mean abandoning established love.

I need to see happy, older queers thriving in our bigoted, hateful world. Because I don't get to have that happy ending myself. And because young questioning queers need to see it, know they have a chance. To know that not everyone finds their someone(s) in high school or college. To know that everyone's path and timeline are different.

And MS and DT are such lovely people, inside and out, truly kind and giving and they deserve happiness in whatever shape that takes. It warms my poor, injured heart to see them gazing at one another adoringly, their softness for each other plain on their faces. To see them choose to be in each other's lives over and over. Like, how wonderful! How can someone hate on that? They're little bright spots in my cloudy world.

My shipping them with never affect them. I don't know them, I'm not in their circles, they will never know I exist. If any of them are seeking out the RPF fics, then they are reading them intentionally because they want to. (I'm sure MS has written and submitted some himself based on various interviews over the years.) They aren't fighting allegations of a relationship, they continuously fuel them, even. Something I don't think they'd do if they felt it was harmful to their careers, untrue, or as queerbaiting. They're allies at a minimum, they wouldn't cheapen the lived experiences of other queers for a couple of extra asses in seats at a show.

Anyhow, thank you for your well thought out post and for making me feel seen, even as I hide behind an anonymous ask.

Thank you so, so much for writing this. My apologies in taking so long to respond.

And thank you for saying that my post made you feel seen. I truly appreciate that. RP shippers are the red headed step children in the fandom world. You saying you felt seen by my writing made ME feel seen by your appreciation, and truly by receiving this ask as well.

I agree with you. I have never seen anything so wholesome in my life as the way Michael and David are with each other. They just exude love. It's so pure. I really don't understand the vitriol against it. I mean the majority of our "fuel" comes from them in the 1st place. Plus it's evident when you watch them interact.

I just chalk up the hate to it saying more about them than us.

And yes, of course people can find love at any age and regardless of what state their current relationships are already in. Why should we think they are not with each other because they are each already in relationships? Because they are famous? Because they have kids? That makes no sense. People do it every day.

Yeah no way they are doing this for any kind of "marketing" or whatever, except to provide some kind of narrative that would allow them to hide in plain sight. That way they can be just about as "free" to be themselves and show as much affection toward one another as reasonably feasible. I wish they could feel 100% free to be out in the open with it, but I also realize they probably prefer privacy as well.

I look to them as relationship goals. I hope to someday find someone that I feel as at home with as I believe they feel with each other.

#shennant #sheenant #ineffable lovers #michael loves david #david loves michael #rps #real person shipping #michael x david #david x michael #ask #SlashWhore

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vole-mon-amour · 1 year

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3x10, a mix of everything, part 1

didn't expect it to happen that fast but HELL YEAH. there's nothing for Nathan to do next to Rupert. Rupert keeps switching his lovers like socks while his wife is still at home with their daughter. come on!! villain arc for Bex and Rebecca when? when is Rupert gonna get killed die and leave Bex all the money??? and then Bex and Rebecca become best friends and raise a daughter together?

Trent being the heart of the team? do you remember how it all started and how wary everyone was of him? do you? it warms my heart, but it warms it twice bc of the clear bond we see between Colin and Trent. like, older queer with younger queer, helping each other out and bonding. their friendship does things to me tbh. it's so very important and intimate and—

in other words, representation matters.

yaaay! also, Trent <3333 again, this warms my heart.

sometimes I really have no idea what this season is doing. i miss them being a dramedy, not a full on sitcom. i'm enjoying this season, but sometimes it's borderline too much. it's out of nowhere and it's not necessary at all.

besties unlocked <3 Trent is such a sunshine, I love him. the way he and Ted share a raised eyebrows look. there is something so wonderful happening between Ted and Trent from the moment they met. it's like they're connected and are being drawn to each other.

girl talk, especially when it involves middle aged men <3 Rebecca as their leader is really something. i love it.

I think Rebecca is being mean to the actual devil. also, why do iphone users love their matte screen cover? why not the regular one?

Trent is so in love with Ted, my goodness. that cute smile. Ted is so freaking oblivious, I need the show to do something about it. i need Ted to learn Trent is in love with him.

this is such a nice shot. something something, the idea of press taking pics of Nate's gf leaving. which at first I thought was kind of nice, but then she leaves with a suitcase and it looks like a breakup of some sort, so not that nice. hm. still, the shot is pretty.

this is such a nice look & I like her hair a lot, but my GOD, how do people wear those minies? it's beyond good and evil for me. shorts i can kinda understand, but skirts? that's... yeah, no.

there you go Jack's "me and Keeley are dating" without asking Keeley first if she wants to announce it and then Jack totally ghosting Keeley. *frustrated high pitched growl* I hate that plotline. if it's their way to push Keeley back towards Roy bc she will no longer be that busy so Roy can't come up with that excuse again, that's a very shitty thing to do. so far I don't see the bigger picture of this. they've been messing up Keeley's storyline this season just like that.

"the board" oh, fuck you, Jack. (in Grace Le Domas' voice) fucking rich people.

Dani crushing Van Damme's chips is such a dick move, ESPECIALLY since you're trashing the airplane!! you're not the one who's gonna have to clean it up, you asshole.

can somebody connect this parallel for me pls? it's just within my reach but it slips away.

sooo, Beard isn't getting out of a toxic relationship? gotta say, this plotline concerns me. idk where they're going with it and WHY in the first place. Beard deserves better & Jane needs some serious therapy.

#fired immediately

I'm here for Rebecca standing up for herself against Rupert. I hate that asshole so much.

I don't remember, have we seen Roy's sister before? it's so rare.

go fuck yourself. yes, i'm quick to jump to conclusions and violence.

Leslie is NOT having a good tea time this season. let him enjoy his tea 2k23! however, the fact that he knows every friend Rebecca has. some friendship between him and Rebecca developed along the way since s1.

#natiswatching #ted lasso #colin hughes #trent crimm #rebecca welton #jamie tartt #ted x trent #nate x jade #keeley x jack #coach beard #roy x keeley #roy kent

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braveblackbutterfly · 7 months

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"One Reason Why I Will Never Forgive Disney For Shortening The Owl House: Luz Deserved a Better Coming Out Moment" A Personal Essay

Happy One Year Anniversary to "Thanks to Them"/season 3 premiere of The Owl House!!!

I wanted to make something in celebration and it got me thinking about a particular moment in the episode, and why it fuels my hatred/disappointment with Disney: Luz's coming out scene.

Early October of last year, fans got to see the first six minutes of the final season premiere of The Owl House. I immediately clicked the link to watch the clip. During the intro montage, I was beyond shocked to see the part where Luz came out as bi and introduced Amity as her girlfriend to Camila.

I know this show has had a lot of memorable queer moments, but I was still very emotional to see a character, particularly the main protagonist on a Disney Channel animated show come out. However, after watching the whole episode, my initial happiness about Luz’s coming out dimmed. While I’m extremely glad Dana and the crew were able to include Luz’s coming out, it should have been a main plot line in an episode instead of 17 seconds in a roughly 3-minute-long montage.

Why didn’t Luz get a full episode dedicated to her coming out? Because Disney shortened down the third/final season, ending the series with three 40+ minutes long episodes. Because of the limit amount of time to finish the main plot line, it’s understandable why Luz didn’t get a full episode dedicated to her coming out.

So I’m not mad with Dana and the crew.

I’m mad with Disney.

Disney executives strongly disrespected the show, the show creator, the main protagonist and the fans by cutting the final season short. It is all but confirm that they cut The Owl House short because of its LGBTQ content. I don’t believe Disney understand the harmful message this sends to the show’s targeted audience.

Fans have followed Luz’s journey on the show from the very beginning. We got to see her grow as a character and find a chosen family, friends and a girlfriend. For many young fans watching TOH, this is their first time seeing a bi character. It’s important for young people to see bi and other queer characters on TV.

However, fans deserved to see the whole process of Luz’s coming out. We should have gotten moments of Luz making the decision to come out to her mom, her brainstorming ideas on how to come out, asking her friends for support, and maybe a scene where Luz questions if her mom will accept her. Instead, fans only got to see the very moment of her coming out to Camila with no words said, just the instrumental music playing in the background.

I know I should be grateful that we even got a coming out scene. A part of me is, but another part of me feels like we got ripped off.

Luz’s coming out means a lot to me because I’m bi. Growing up in the mid-90s through the 2000s, there weren’t really any bi or pan characters on a kid’s TV show like the ones in TOH. So now seeing a show like this as an adult, it just warms my heart to see a bi girl of color get her happy ending which included having an awesome girlfriend and an accepting mom.

Another reason why I wish we got a full episode is young people (and maybe even some older people) could have shown their families Luz’s coming out journey as a helping guide. Sure, they could show their families the montage, but it would be a lot better if they could show them Luz’s full coming out journey. Maybe their families would have a better understanding and be more accepting when they come out.

Maybe if The Owl House or a show like it existed when I was growing up, I could have realized I was bi sooner and showed the episode to my family. Maybe then they would have been better understanding and more accepting when I came out. Maybe.

I know Disney executives are never going to see this essay, but I still wanted to voice my feelings about this prominent moment in “Thanks to Them.” Maybe one day Disney will be a little more respectful with future series that includes queer main characters. But until then…

Screw you Disney!

#leeann art #the owl house #thanks to them #luz noceda #amity blight #lumity #camila noceda #bi representation #representation matters #toh #i do not own gif

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euryvices · 2 months

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mlw relationships are killing some women's souls, and we need to change that

gosh, let me preface this by saying I love men. men are absolutely the cutest, when they're good to the people i love. I love men when they talk about their obscure, weird interests or they talk about their mainstream interests like baseball. I love the light in their eyes when they get excited, and that cute little hand thing they do.

genuinely, i adore men. but one man in particular has earned my ire.

i was talking to my het sister today, about love and relationships. she's been in a long term relationship for almost four years now, and she's going to get out of it soon. me, being an inexperienced (probably lesbian) kid, I ask her about men, and what it's like to be loved by one. she tells me, "oh you know, men are great, except from when you want to be loved for who you are." And she just...laughs. I don't think she even notices my heart is quite literally breaking. This is the world we're in, guys. My older sister, who drew on walls and planned her wedding before the age of ten, who knows all the words to the scooby doo theme song and eats chocolate cake with her bare hands...does not know what it's like to be loved for who she is.

I didn't understand at first.

Because lesbians, and bi women, and just women/queer people loving women in general love so desperately. we love our partners not for how they look, but for who they are. and yes, maybe im speaking from a naive place, but that doesn't change the fact that women/enbies don't view each other like men do. not to romanticise wlw relationships so terribly, but it's just so different with us. My sister tells me about the times her boyfriend, Danny, has forgotten her birthday, Dannys cheating on her, or throwing her against a wall on their anniversary - with all the caustic numbness of a trampled upon snail. She has not been loved by any of the men she has dared love.

Obviously, mlw relationships cannot be exactly like wlw relationships. But it just, hurts. It hurts that my sister, who is genuinely one of the most dynamic people i know, who is the aphrodite of small town casinos and cheap gin, who is always holding the bullet instead of biting it - is not being loved for who she is. She knows that she is being loved for being a warm body, not for the warmth her body can hold.

He, as far as I can see, was a good person. He showed up to family events with flowers for our mom and a toy for the baby...but it just goes to show you how different things can be behind closed doors. She told me, "his passive aggressive comments always stuck with me. i even started worrying about my weight!" which, if you know my sister, should be absolutely absurd. She literally looks like a model (don't tell her I said that or her head'll get so big we'd have to keep her chained to the floor). She is one of the prettiest women ever, regardless of her weight. She told me that at one point she was almost ready to starve herself. Meanwhile, this pathetic apology of biochemical reactions has had the nerve to cheat on her, laugh at her, make rude comments and still show up to every family event with a bouquet in hand.

And it's changed her.

it's not fair. So, Danny, if you're reading this by chance you sad sack of mutilated deer dick - fuck you. Fuck you for taking my passionate-about-life, kind to the druggies outside our shitty school, full of life sister - and making her someone who tiptoes around you. Someone who's given up on being herself because you've changed her.

The worst part is that it's not even an isolated event. This happens to women all over the world. So many sparks have been lost to careless hands.

To men everywhere : don't date women you don't actually love. Don't search for someone else in the girl you're dating. Don't treat her wrong, and start actively figuring out what hurts you instead of expecting her to do the emotional labour allllll the time.

And do not ever make your girl feel bad about herself. I'll be watching, and I have a bat and an angry horde of bisexual at my side.

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absolutebl · 2 years

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You're in filmmaking and working on your big dream BL production, your writer is one of the best, you got decent budget, interested sponsors, a great director, a professional crew. Now, you gotta cast your actors, the mains and maybe a sidedish. Who would you chose and why? Which criteria would you apply for example age, appearance, acting style, experience, ability to create chemistry, on-screen charisma, name recognizability? Which actors would you pair and why? Make it country specific.

MY ULTIMATE FANTASY CAST + BL MASTERPIECE!

If I could have any BL in the world. What would I pick?

I kinda already did this here:

TOP 10 BL PAIRS + What They Should Play Next - I chose SamYu for the gay Descendants of the Sun, but you threw the door wide open on this one so I am pushing it. (I also did Crazy BL Actor Pairing I'd Love to See )

I hold by those picks but I’ll reboot the game a little.

Now, you gotta cast your actors, the mains and maybe a sidedish. Who would you chose and why?

(SamYu - We Best Love) in a Taiwanese production of Hospital Playlist.

So Hospital Playlist is a true ensemble piece with 5 leads, but the anchor relationship would be these two. In case you were in any possible doubt as to my ultimate bias.

(L-R: prudish pediatrician, arrogant heart surgeon, comedic general surgeon, neurotic OBGYN, warm & brilliant neurosurgeon)

Hospital Playlist is not just one of my favorite Kdramas, it’s one of my favorite dramas of all time. I love a medical drama, it has multiple solid romances all ending happily, it’s about older characters, there are complex stories and GREAT side characters, food is vitally important, and it’s ultimately extremely comforting. It’s sadly het, tho.

So I want Taiwan to do the queer version. And I want it to get the proper treatment the way Taiwan sometimes does with their het stuff, like full on 20-30 episodes.

Hospital Playlist only it’s 5 queer surgeons, paired as follows:

Sam plays the funny single dad general surgeon (his husband left him alone with their adopted son, yadda yadda)

Yu is the kind hearted brilliant neuroscientist. I’d like to see him play a warm nerdy character for a change.

(Spoiler, these two characters are already besties who once moot-pined and eventually end up together.)

Lin Yu (OuWen from Love is Science) plays is the arrogant heart surgeon. Of COURSE HE DOES. Slayed by the military boy in the end, of course. Honestly we can pair him with Anderson Cheng again as Sam’s younger brother, but I’m not married to that pairing.

The OBGYN has to be our neurotic chaos bi character (that comedy writes itself) and I would cast Bruce He in the role. Because, he has dimples and I love him in everything and I am shallow af. He can have all the crazy exes up the wazoo. That’d be fun. I don not care who he ends up with.

I’d turn the rich prude pediatrician character into a lesbian who I want played by Aviis Zhong, because she hasn’t played enough lesbians yet. Never enough lesbians.

I want her slow pining desperate younger love interest (AGE GAP!) to be played by Tannie Huang (DNA Says Love You bestie). I think they would kill it.

I want the older administrator of the hospital adopted lesbian mom of the group to be Tammy Darshana Lai (Encore Martha). And I want her to be having her own life, quandaries and relationships.

Which criteria would you apply for example age:

I’d like it to be older characters in general. I love a high school drama but I’d like something more relatable to me, and more meaty for the actors to sink into, where being queer is there, and important, but there’s other life shit going on (ex spouses, children, career hiccoughs, side interests and hobbies).

Clearly I’m picking all over the place on actual actor ages, but the main characters would all be in their late 30s at least. The support cast of residents and students and patients so forth would be many other ages.

I’d like the Love is Science? team to direct (Tsai Mi Chieh & Chang Chin Jung).

Appearance, acting style, experience, ability to create chemistry, on-screen charisma, name recognizability?

I want mostly pretty because, as already mentioned, I shallow af. But I also want broad queer rep and diversity. So trans characters, butch, femme, various creeds and colors, all of them - in complex, capable professional doctor roles and positions of power. I want it to look like the Philippines vomited queer rep on this hospital.

It’s my fantasy medical drama, I’ll queer it up if I wanna.

I think Taiwan in general has a realistic, highly physical, slightly comedic acting style that would suit Hospital Playlist very well. (Probubly better than Korea’s style did, quite frankly.)

All the actors I chose (but Yu) are experienced and established. I think Avis and Bruce are big enough names for major draw. And SamYu as a pair are a big enough deal to pull the BL audience in spades. A show like this could take off international well and easily. Authentic queer rep is one of Taiwan’s strengths and this kind of show could showcase that for truly broad appeal, like Asia’s version of Queer as Folk, only a million times BETTER.

Did I sell you on it?

(source)

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nutcasewithaknife · 7 months

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Rules: List 10 comfort shows and then tag 10 people

Sorry its been a while since I got tagged! thank u @fangdoubing <33

In no particular order, here goes:

1. Old Fashion Cupcake

I have watched this start to finish over 5 times in just the last year. Confident gay who is actively having a crisis all the time? An older man coming to terms with himself at 40? Who would've thought an office drama could go that hard. Especially when everything about it is so soft it just wraps me up in a warm fuzzy blanket

2. Beyond Evil

Something about how justice and grief and guilt and love are all one massive tangled knot that none of us can hope to sort through without each other. About wanting to be damned but being saved instead, and finding out it's just as painful.

3. Word of Honor

MY FIRST C-DRAMA. the sheer plot chaos. Gremlin murder husbands and their kids. The manic delight of seeing how hard they went with the gay despite censorship. Glorious unparalleled and perfect

4. The Untamed

My second c-drama gays. Fundamentally altered my view on people and relationships. Came for the gay, left haunted by every single sibling relationship. How devastating grief can be, and how moving on is both inevitable and impossible.

5. The Good Place

FAVOURITE COMEDY EVER. There's so much love and kindness at its very core. Commentary on the inherently fucked up nature of the capitalist world AND the most gloriously absurd and meaningful afterlife system ever. They all have my entire heart.

6. Yuri!!! on Ice

I don't even know what to say. It's gorgeous. It's unbelievably soft and just. so lovely. Go watch it if you haven't it's worth it.

7. Good Omens

AUGH MY BELOVED 6000+ YEARS PINING ANGEL AND DEMON. I can watch them just exist around each other forever. S2 destroyed me but I don't regret a single thing

8. Bad Buddy

They're such fucking idiots. Obsessed with how silly and gross and sincere they are. It's the first Thai BL I went beserk over

9. Moonlight Chicken

The next Thai BL I went berserk about!! I think it does a lovely job of showing queer relationships for different generations with their differences without condemning or glorifying any one. It's so sincere and grown up in an incredibly kind way.

10. Mysterious Lotus Casebook

If you've gone through the last 2 months without blocking me for the MLC spam, thank u. It won't stop anytime soon. I'm just obsessed with li lianhua and his tragic and convoluted connection to grief and the past. Also also his silly little polycule. The biggest emotional mindfuck of an ending since BBC Merlin. The brainrot is here to stay

Tagging @istgidek1234 @redemption-revenge @difeisheng @linacies @deus-ex-moshina @t4tadrienette @tejoxys @fanghuas @franklloydweft (feel free to ignore, no pressure!) and just anyone who wants to share :)

#tag games #mutuals

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secretlywritingstories · 9 months

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In another life you still would’ve turned my head | phan one shot

Summary: Dan comes across old black and white photos of two queer men messing around, one playing with the other's hair, just like he did in a recent video with Phil. He gets caught up in the emotions that he would have fallen in love with Phil in any universe. He crawls into Phil's lap and tells him exactly that.

Word count: 2.7k

Tags: 2023!phan, established relationship, queer love, couch cuddles

Inspired by Timeless by Taylor Swift and Phil’s video on Twitter

Read on AO3 or below

‘Cause I believe we were supposed to find this

So even in a different life

You would still have been mine

We would’ve been timeless

Dan didn’t really scroll tumblr that often anymore, but he opened the tab sometimes when the mood stuck him. The current mood was laptop time after dinner, sitting in their pyjamas in the living room, just existing next to each other, doing their own little thing.

He’s barely scrolled for more than a minute or two when he’d scrolled carelessly past a post but something made him scroll back up and take a second look. He scrolled up and then let his fingers just hover over the mousepad to look at it. It felt like something snagged in his chest, and knocked the air out of his lungs.

It was four photos of four old photos. Four old black and white photos featuring featuring two young men laid out nicely on a table and captured with a phone camera. Not exactly unusual but there was something about the vibes of the photos, how the two men leaned into each other, one holding the other by his hair, and it was so strikingly familiar that it makes something in Dan’s chest ache.

He scrolled down a little more to see the caption and his eyes felt as they tremble as he read.

found these in the attic, it said 1944 on the back. mum said that one of the men was my grandfather’s older brother James. she didn’t know the other man. i don’t know much about James, but i do know that he never married or had children. but it looks like he still had love. seeing these warmed my queer little heart.

Dan clicked to enlarge the photos, and he felt like he wasn’t really breathing as the took the first one in. It looked like the two had been set up for a proper photoshoot but they got distracted. Both were wearing big smiles, grinning at each other like there was no one else in the world.

In the next one, one of them was rolling their eyes in fondness while the other had his head thrown back laughing. Dan felt like he could almost hear it, loud laughter ringing in his own ears.

He clicked onwards, and now one of the guys had stood up and his hands in the other’s hair, it looked like he was gently carding his fingers through the strands. The man still sitting down was looking up at the other man, all of his focus on him, while the other seemed to be talking, not caring that the camera was pointed at them and they probably should have been trying to sit still.

And then the last one. It was arguably the worst of the photos, one of the men mostly blurry because he was actively being shoved off to the side, but it was without a doubt Dan’s favourite of the four. The man might mostly be blurry, but you could still make out a small smile on his lips. The man who’d shoved at him looked so satisfied with himself.

It was radiating love, practically palpable in the air, and Dan felt like he couldn’t breathe without inhaling it. Without it settling in his lungs, heavy and important.

It was not entirely without reason that these photos hit so hard today of all days. He saw something else in photos, something reflected back at him. Just yesterday him and Phil had filmed a video asking for suggestions of what hairstyle Phil should try next.

It had been utterly impulsive and so fun. Phil had just casually mentioned that he wanted to try a new hairstyle, and Dan hadn’t hesitated to involve himself. He cared a whole lot about Phil’s hair after all.

He’d seen it in all of its stages and he would love it in all of its stages, even the crappy square hair from when they were young. Still, he was excited to see Phil switch it up, and try something new. It was hard for Phil to pluck up the courage for it, and therefore Dan knew he needed a gentle shove to actually do something about it.

The video had been just that. Something to hold him accountable, so he would do what he wanted to do.

Phil had grown tired of the quiff, of having to style it and he wanted to try something new. Dan could have helped with research, or they could have talked to their hairdresser, but why not turn to their community when they’d eat up something like this? And the fact that Dan had been in the video, shoving Phil around and messing with his hair had just been a bonus.

It didn’t feel quite as daunting to post something like that anymore. For a while the two of them had distanced themselves from sharing stuff like that, in the years following their coming out. Things were different than before when they were in a glass closet. Before they had said that their relationship was real, even if both of them had been adamant about wanting to keep it private.

This was a tiny peek into their life, a moment captured and shared just because they could.

Just like these two men back in 1944. They’d clearly deemed the photographs important enough to print and keep, even if they seemed to have been left behind in an attic in the end. It was so silly and fun and Dan couldn’t help but agree with the person who’d posted them. It made his heart warm too.

He stayed on the last photo, the blurry shove, and he opened another tab for Twitter to search up Phil and find the video from yesterday. He moved the cursor near the end where he knew he’d given Phil a playful shove.

He pressed play, hearing Phil lift his head from the other end of the sofa at the sound, and Dan watched how in the video a small smile played on Phil’s lips just as he was shoved to the side. Dan clicked back to the other tab and watched the photo again. The identical expressions felt like it hollowed out something inside of him, and then filled him with warmth.

It could have been them. In another life, in another time, that could have been him and Phil. The photos were taken during World War II and two young men found the time to laugh, and play around. If they two of them had met then, Dan was sure that Phil still would have captured his attention.

He’d have dreamed of having a moment like that with him. Just like he loved that they could have moments like this now. After everything they’d been through. After all the talk about soulmates and finding each other in every universe… it had always been kind of a joke with a grain of truth. A part of Dan deep down that wanted to believe Phil in his adamant conviction that they were meant to find each other. Always.

“Dan?” Phil asked, voice softly curious.

Dan knew his face was probably trying to process his complicated feelings. He wasn’t quite sure how to sort them out, how to put all of this into words that made sense. He couldn’t really.

Seeing photos of queer people existing throughout history always got him, but this felt even more poignant when he could see the two of them reflected in the touches and the smiles. The photos could literally have been stills from the video Phil had posted. 79 years apart and yet it felt like the same story.

Dan was projecting, heavily, but he didn’t care. He pushed his laptop away from him, setting it on the table and turned towards Phil, who’d been watching him. There was something curious in Phil’s eyes, and he quirked an eyebrow up in a silent question.

They were so used to communicating with each other, and Phil would probably understand what Dan meant even if he only got a few words out. But right now, it felt like all of the words were stuck in his throat. It wasn’t often that he didn’t have anything to say.

He could run his mouth on practically any topic. He was a chronic rambler but right now, it felt like it had all dried up. How was he meant to explain that he loved Phil so much that he saw the two of them in other people’s past too? In another time, he could imagine that it would have been the them sharing laughter and messing around.

How could he explain that he would have fallen in love with Phil no matter where or when they would have met? And how loving him felt endless and timeless?

Phil put his laptop on the coffee table right next to Dan’s, and Dan hadn’t even realised that he wanted crawl over but he could feel it now, the innate pull to be in Phil’s arms. His body was moving before he’d really decided to do it. It had always been pretty good at navigating itself when it came to Phil.

Phil was like a magnetic field, and it was so very easy to let himself get pulled into it.

The two of them were cuddly and touchy. They’d always been so, even if they had periods where they were more careful because of cameras being around. Still, it wasn’t quite usual for Dan to climb into Phil’s lap and just latch onto him unprompted.

His knees dug into the sofa cushions on either side of Phil, and he buried his face in Phil’s neck, breathing in the familiar scent of his skin and thinking whether those two lovers had ever pressed close to each other like this.

Maybe they weren’t queer. Maybe Dan was just reading into it, just like the person who’d posted the photos, but something in his heart sung that love recognised love. There was a reason he saw himself and Phil in those photos.

When he’d been younger, he’d sometimes been mad that he couldn’t quite keep the love out of his eyes when he was around Phil. How it radiated out of the both of them and made them vulnerable to speculation that they hadn’t been ready to face.

That he hadn’t been ready to face.

Everything had been subtext, hidden glances, and then so much love away from prying eyes.

Perhaps the two guys in the photos had never been allowed to be seen for what they were, but it didn’t diminish what Dan could see between them. He was happy that things were different for him and Phil. That they got to exist as themselves. Dan was still working on feeling pride in his identity, but he had no doubt in his love for Phil.

It was the easiest thing in his life.

A given.

Dan Howell breathes, and loves Phil Lester.

Phil’s hands came to rub up and down Dan’s back, and he didn’t complain that he suddenly had most of Dan’s weight just dumped into his lap. He welcomed it, even if Dan was just being emo about a couple of photos.

While he didn’t ask verbally, Dan could hear the questions that Phil didn’t asked. He wondered what had set Dan off like this, even if he would be able to pick up on the fact that it wasn’t really a bad thing. Just emotional.

“Saw some photos,” Dan mumbled against Phil’s neck. “Queers from the 40’s. Goofing around, one playing with the other’s hair.”

The sentences came out fragmented, kind of sharp existing his mouth.

Phil hummed in understanding. “I see.”

Dan knew he did, but now that he was talking, he couldn’t quite stop himself from continuing. It was suddenly very important to him that Phil knew where his head had been at. Dan knew Phil only would be delighted that Dan was seeing them in reflected in other queers through history. He’d have called it fate.

“It could have been us,” Dan said, voice almost a whisper, but he didn’t need to speak very loudly when Phil was this close. When they were touching, embracing and breathing the same air. “I would have loved you even then.”

He meant every word. Even with war and homophobia worse than now, he’d have chosen to fall for Phil. He would have chosen to risk everything and pursue him, just like he’d done in this life when he’d started to reach out as just a fan on Twitter.

More than a decade has passed and yet he could still remember every beat his heart had skipped when he realised that they were becoming something more. When they’d become actual friends, rapidly evolving to best friends, falling in love and deciding that they wanted to share their lives forever.

He thought of all of their different boxes of memories, of how they clung onto all of their history. The story of them.

“Even in another life, you would still have been mine,” Phil agreed, squeezing Dan tighter to his chest. “Can you show me?”

Dan flung his hand in direction of his laptop and felt how Phil shifted both of them forward so that he could pull the laptop closer to take a look. He put it down on the sofa next to them, and Dan heard him click through the photos.

He closed his eyes and relaxed in Phil’s embrace, quite content not to move right now, even if he did want to see Phil’s reaction. He could feel part of it, with their chests pushed together like this, Dan swore he could feel Phil’s heart kick up and go a little faster.

“They’re beautiful,” Phil whispered, earnestly and then because he couldn’t help himself, he added: “Hot too.”

Dan had been so lost in big emotions that he hadn’t expected Phil to say something like that. It startled a laugh out of him, and he almost managed to knock both himself and Phil off the sofa.

“Oi! You’ve got your own hot guy right here!” Dan protested, voice light and airy as he continued to laugh between his words. He put more of his weight onto Phil like he could crush him. Remind himself that he got to be with Phil like this. All tangled up in each other.

He didn’t actually care that Phil found other men attractive. Phil seemed to have a pendant for running into hot men everywhere, and Dan mostly found it ridiculously funny how Phil malfunctioned around them. For fun, he would play up his jealousy or poke fun at Phil with it.

He knew that the love they shared, and how their attraction to each other was much deeper than just physical hotness. Dan knew that Phil would always come back home to him, no matter how many super attractive dudes he might encounter.

“I do,” Phil said, moving to squeeze Dan’s ass unabashedly.

Dan opened his mouth to chastise Phil for fun, but he couldn’t get a word out before his lips were captured in a kiss. He could have pulled away to continue the banter, but he found that he’d much rather melt into the kiss.

Get lost in his timeless love with the one man that he’d search low and high for in any world and in any time. He knew that love would always mean leaning into Phil’s side and getting lost in his eyes.

It was joking around after Dan got emotional about old queers that could have been them. It was knowing exactly how to kiss each other after all of these years. It was how they would always choose each other.

Before meeting Phil, Dan had dared to dream of love and romance, but he could never have imagined what they’d find together. They always had a whole hoard of cardboard boxes with memories, and the collection would only grow and grow.

Dan couldn’t imagine a life where he wouldn’t find Phil. They were going to be timeless. He was sure of it.

#phanfiction #phanfic #phan fluff #my stories #pedia

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rabbitcoveredinmoss · 7 months

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TRANS GHOST HEADCANONS (but not in the way you think)

- She/Her but also goes by he/him just because she's like "but no matter what people are still gonna call me a guy, so why not just have it be one of my preferred pronouns" and the rest of the boys are like(in the most loving way possible), "that's not how that works dumbass"

- T4T (she and Johnny are deeply in love)

- Doesn't want to change her body because buff women give her MASSIVE gender envy. Why would she want to change the way she looks when she already looks how she wants to??

- Doesn't want to/has no desire to change her name. Firm believer that names don't and shouldn't have genders

- Just like Johnny, protects trans kids with all of her being. Going out on a walk and seeing young people wearing pride items and being queer out in the open just warms her heart!

- Def known she was a girl for a long ass time, just didn't know when it'd be appropriate to come out

- If she catches ANYONE being transphobic it's on sight. Definition of "call an ambulance, but not for me"

- Doesn't have to get breast implants, she got enough titty already (but will definitely on occasion put padding underneath her shirt or look for workouts that supposedly make ur boobs bigger)

- Only likes wearing sports bras because she struggles to reach the clasps at the back of regular bras😭 (buff problems frfr)

- One of those older queers that will not hesitate to give advice to younger trans people. You can ask her about anything in regards to gender/transitioning and she will answer you 100% without judgement

- Awful bottom dysphoria. Price is best dad and will give Ghost days off if its really bad

- Is an older queer with older views but she really enjoys getting to bond with younger trans folk so if she says something outdated just tell her, she'll try her best to learn dw😭

- Has no idea about who Blaj is and just doesn't get the appeal😔 (old person moment😔)

- Ghost isn't a fan of social settings but she's down for a good ass pride parade. 100% ONE OF THE FREE HUGS PEOPLE, SHE KNOWS HER HUGS ARE COMFORTING AND SHE KNOWS TRANS PEOPLE NEED GOOD SAFE HUGS

- Homophobic guys assume she's one of them and i want you to imagine her absolutely putting those dudes in their place, ZERO TOLERANCE

Def not self indulgent hehe (o3o)

#simon riley #call of duty #modern warfare #simon ghost riley #john soap mactavish #mw2 #cod mw22 #transgender #trans simon ghost riley #“buff problems frfr” i say like im buff

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merkleymrack · 7 months

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i haven't been vulnerable on tumblr in a while because i'm an adult and i'm not supposed to do that ... i guess ... and now i have a lot of friends to talk to about the things that bother me. but still. there's some things i want to get off my chest and maybe someone can relate.

being genderfluid & transmasc is so very lonely. i'm lucky to have supportive friends and people to date and hook up with but still i feel like i haven't truly "come out". i've had a few phases of trying to "embrace my womanhood" and it never really felt right. all my friends know my identity, i tell other queer people. but i'm sort of closeted to the world, i move through it generally as a cis person would. it's easier on me and i already have a hard time with very serious anxiety issues but on the other hand i sometimes disgust myself. i act the way i think other people would expect me to. i don't really know how to act more like myself without people thinking i'm rude and withdrawn. i don't know if that's an autism thing or a trans thing or just that women are expected to be highly social and accommodating and sweet all the time. i'm not like that all the time. and for some reason i feel like killing myself when someone thinks i'm being standoffish. i struggle with being warm and friendly, i can do it, i sometimes do it quite well, but not always and it doesn't really come naturally a lot of the time. it doesn't help that i often feel anxious and that makes me tense up and just kind of go on autopilot. maybe this is only really an issue around people i probably just don't feel comfortable with.

i know i look very feminine because of my natural features, i've tried having short hair but i feel like it doesn't really suit me and it makes me look "boyish" and i'm not really into that. i like having long hair, i want to get more comfortable being warm and affectionate, i like being flamboyant and faggy and silly and cringey. i like wearing a binder but it feels confronting, because again, i'm kind of closeted to the world. i wonder if anyone will perceive me as androgynous if i go on hrt, i wonder if my hairline will change because there's a lot of early onset male pattern baldness in my family on both sides. i wonder if it will make me feel ugly. i wonder how long i will manage to stay on hrt, because i don't want to stay on it for the rest of my life. i don't really want to be "a man", at least not in this life, i would like to be somebody's man, but most men will never accept me into their ranks, and i will never be the right type of man for most people. i know that whatever my parents have to say about it will break my heart. i know my friends will be there to support me.

in the end i don't think i will even look that different, or be that different. i've been myself most of the time but i am trying to be less self-conscious about it. maybe my voice will sound more like me and i will mumble less. i think by the time i'm 30 or 35 all of this will matter much less. i think i will make it to 35 and i'll be really happy i stuck it out. maybe i'll be single. maybe i'll look at my body and think i was really stupid for having so many hangups over it when i was 23, and then when i get older i'll just keep thinking about how stupid i was when i was young, but i won't be bitter about it, that's just how life goes. maybe one day someone will tell me they love my voice or my confidence or the way i smell or the feel of my bicep or the way i cook or the way i walk or the way i laugh and i'll be really grateful to my younger self for making the hard choice to keep looking after myself day after day. i think i should be more grateful to my younger self for refusing to give up.

i'm sometimes shocked when people tell me about things i said or did years ago, i forget how ballsy i was, i have a tendency to see that part of myself in a negative light, but the people who like it really like it. i was trying to fight my own sense of shame, trying to lay claim to my sexuality and have some kind of ownership over my experiences. i didn't want sex to just happen to me. i wanted to be an active participant and outspoken about my desire. i still feel that way, i still act that way to some extent, but i'm trying to confront the desperation i feel. i'm trying to recast this side of me in a new more adult more mature form, i don't really know how. it's hard, i suppose i got myself to act that way because i thought "what do i have to lose?" but now... well i do have something to lose. i don't want to lose my sense of self or my peace of mind. my time, energy and feelings are valuable, just like anyone else's. i'm trying to make healthy choices.

i've always had a tendency to be compulsive in my desires, not just with sex or love, with everything i want, i get fixated. there is something so intoxicating about fixating on something and then finally getting it, it makes life simple: either you have or you don't have. even the anticipation is fun, sometimes even more enjoyable than actually getting my way. i feel this way not only about sex sometimes, but sometimes about receiving things in the mail that i ordered online. is this way too vulnerable? i swear my relationship with sex is generally healthy but i am just incredibly neurotic on all levels. and it's all coming full circle too: not only does it feel impossible to be chill about sex when it can potentially lead to disease or pregnancy, it's doubly impossible when it's one of the few ways i can feel fully affirmed in my gender expression. there, i said it, i like having a penis. it'll only ever be a fake one but i made it a part of my being at a pretty young age. and now what? maybe wearing a packer would fix me (i'm kidding!). i even tried out the whole femdom thing, as in, maybe i'm just a weird girl who likes pegging, that would be okay right? not only would it be okay, it would be very easy to fetishise! but that isn't really it and we all know it. ("we" being me and everyone who is privy to my sex life, which is actually quite a few people at this point... ah shit.)

being myself is terrifying, but i'm going to keep trying because i've made it this far, and it has been far too enjoyable just to quit now. but i reserve my right to complain. that's all for now.

#transmasc #mine #long post

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jemmo · 5 months

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For the ask game: 14?

thank you sm for the ask ☺

14. bl you think is underrated

ooh this is a tricky one, bc i can definitely tell you what i think is overrated (but thats not the question...), plus im always gonna think my favourites are underrated bc everyone should love them but i digress. i wanna highlight 3 shows/things bc the first one is a short series and then a movie and thats his. idk if it's bc its a few years old now but when i watched this show and then the film i just adored it. first of all, the show is the perfect kind of chill watch where not really much happens and yet a lot happens?? thats how me and my sister affectionately describe our favourite kind of shows bc they deal in the normal and everyday and manage to make it seem huge and beautiful and this series does that with one of my favourite tropes that i love to see crop up in j-bls which is an escape to the beach (and later the countryside), plus the show has the most awesome and well done early 2000s aesthetic that just fills me with nostalgia. but the film is a whole other thing. it pulls an old fashioned cupcake/cherry magic and gives us adults but unlike them shows us a story that is very grounded and real and serious, like they really said lets take this bl and actually make it a story about parenting and what a family can be and show just how complicated it all is and sometimes there is no winning and thats life. god its just beautiful, and theres still a deep and meaningful love story at the heart of it. just go watch it now if you haven't, or rewatch it if you haven't for a while.

second im picking eien no kinou and im prefacing this by saying i get why less people talk about this bc its not fun and some people dont wanna watch a story they know will be sad, but its also so important that it exists and i think it touches on some really tough topics and manages to tell them beautifully. and bc i havent seen much of what ppl say about this, idk what any consensus takes are but i felt very emotional watching this through the lens of erasure of queer relationships when it comes to loss, how sometimes when people aren't out or cant share their relationship, they become lost, or invisible, when someone is lost. and i mean... the queer experience is all-encompassing and such grief is something that should also be talked about when queerness can affect that process in a specific way, and while i dont think its easy to watch or revisit, its nevertheless important and beautiful

ive talked about some more heavy shows so i'm ending with if its with you, which is recent but even i pushed it to the side a little bc i liked i cannot reach you so much, but this show is kinda like the opposite to the ones above. i feel like people like a middle ground in their shows between drama and comfort, so while people dont talk as much about serious or sad shows, they also dont talk about the shows that are just nice. and this show is just that, bc its all about teaching someone thats had a bad experience that there is simple kindness in the world and its so heart-warming. i'll never forget the way ryuuji responded in that last ep when amane got nervous around the other kids, how he thought it would be this big think that he'd be mad about bc that's what happens in every show, but ryuuji was just like yeah its ok i understand and im not mad. just the pure kindness this show has to people feeling the way they feel is so refreshing and beautiful and it captures the high school simplicity of it all in a way that makes you step back as someone older and think huh yeah it really is just that easy, its just about happiness.

anyway, between this and the last response, i think by j-bl bias is jumping out a bit too much but thats the end of my rant, thank you for coming to my ted talk

❤️🧡💛bl ask game💚💙💜

#thank you so so much for the ask i havent had a good ramble in a while so it was good to get it out of my system #ask game

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invinciblerodent · 1 month

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Hey! Agree that erasure sucks big time. As a lesbian, I very often see that devs make every character in a game bi, with no lesbian rep at all. That puts me in a difficult situation when I want to respect bi people but also want to have rep of my own. :(

Though I admit, I can kind of read a bit of a tongue-in-cheek comment into this message (which could just be me feeling defensive in general over this topic, I'm fully aware that I am and definitely mean no ill will towards you), but I'll take you at face value on this and assume you meant no ill will either lol.

Honestly, I'll definitely always agree that there need to be more canonically queer characters and experiences portrayed of every orientation and gender, only I'd definitely argue that bisexuality specifically is kind of in a unique position where it's... it's so often used purely as a game mechanic that, despite its theoretical existence in a narrative, it can often, and to many players, not even be interpretable as any sort of real representation either. Especially with how many games, past and present, kind of conceal their characters' queerness behind the players' intentions to seek it out (basically treating them as "straight until proven gay"), which often implies monosexuality (at the lack of a better term) in the text regardless of the existence of another mechanic, even if the character could technically be considered bisexual.

There is a very clear difference in my mind (and in the minds of -as far as I can tell- the majority of other bisexual players) between characters being canonically bi, and them being mechanically bi, in that in that the latter case, you can often play and engage with, or even romance characters without ever needing to acknowledge them as anything other than monosexual (again, lacking a better concise term) in a way that happens to coincide with your PC's sexuality. They can be seen as gay if you're the same sex, and as straight if you're not. But in BG3 specifically, even though the dialogue with the player themselves doesn't really seem to address the companions' sexuality head-on (you can't, like, walk up to Wyll and ask him "so, hey man, what's, like, your.... whole deal, or whatever?", you have to listen to him and connect the dots), it IS really nice, and a nice change of pace that this is not a thing. That no queer content is hidden behind "the gay button", that you aren't limited to being exposed to their queerness while in a romance with them, and that you cannot, literally cannot, play the game in a way that would make the world less queer, or make it seem like the characters are merely adapting to the gender of the player character.

Because they all hit on-, or express attraction to at least a few others regardless of gender, without it immediately implying anything beyond them all just... being attracted to people of different genders.

I watched this slightly older video essay by verilybitchie just a little while ago that went into this exact thing in a lot more detail, and I honestly recommend it to everyone. Since the video is two years old now, she of course doesn't address BG3 specifically (I'd love to hear her thoughts on it though! the end note where she talks about how excited she is for what might be coming next really warmed my heart!), but otherwise it's a good runthrough of my thoughts and experiences on- and with the issue as well.

youtube

(And, to be honest.... as a side note, romancing a bi character is.... still respectful, if you play your own character as monosexual? Like I do that all the time too, so that part of your message... kind of confused me?

Like... the only way romancing, say, Karlach for example as a woman can be considered in any way disrespectful to us bi people, is if you play that in an angle that erases her bisexuality, simply because she happens to be in a same-sex romance in your game. But that's less an issue of representation in the game itself imo, and more just... this strictly theoretical player themselves being at least a little bit biphobic and erasing her sexuality based on the gender of her partner, even if that isn't their intention.)

#squirrel speaks #about queer shit yaaaaay

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queer-and-dear-books · 1 year

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Title: The Long Run

Author: James Acker

Genre: Sports | Friendship | Romance | LGBTQ+

Content Warnings: Homophobia | Racism | Familial Abuse

Overall Rating: 9.7/10

Personal Opinion: Sebastian “Bash” Villeda and Alessandro “Sandro” Miceli are one of the cutest book couples I’ve ever met. They’re track and field athletes who know of each other. Until a fateful party in the woods leads to them getting to know each other. Thus comes an intense friendship that evolves into a wild roller coaster of romance. And you won’t want to miss a single twist or turn on this ride.

Do I Own This Book? Not yet I don’t.

Spoilers Below For My Likes & Dislikes:

Likes:

- Oh my god, they’re such a cute couple. I was worried I wouldn’t be into them at the start but they have such good conversations. They mention it multiple times throughout the book that they “talk well” and it’s just true. They really do talk well together. It’s this mix of funny, honest, and vulnerable that I always love to see in couples. And they get so fucking vulnerable with each other. They get real and it’s their thing to get real and it’s so good. I was just so deeply invested in every one of their conversations.

- Their first kiss in the ditch had me screaming. Legit, I had my hand to my mouth and my eyes wide with shock. I could not believe Sandro just did that! And then Bash kissed him back and I was flailing like a fish out of water. The chemistry between them was palpable. It was electric. I wanted them to make out in that ditch forever. And I’m just glad that Bash went to find Sandro the next day after their awkward goodbye.

- But the first time they had sex on Halloween while dressed as each other? That blew me away. It was so tender and special. I mean, it started out as this blur but then Bash wanted to slow things down and just wanted to look at Sandro and he called him sexy and that was it for me. As an insecure guy myself, the idea of someone just looking at me, really looking at me, and then calling me sexy is all I could ever want. Everything that Sandro was insecure about, Bash loved. Everything Bash was insecure about, Sandro loved. Like the hair on Dro’s shoulders or Bash’s machine gun laugh or Sandro’s big ass smile. Ugh, it warmed my heart to see them complimenting and complementing each other so well.

- Lucy Jordan is cool as shit. I can see why Bash loves her too. She doesn’t take any shit, she keeps Bash humble, and she was the one who gave him the push he needed to go fix his relationship with Sandro. She is so cool and so funny too. The way she argues with Sandro is hilarious. And when she called them kinky for being all over each other on the lawn had me rolling. She’s the type of best friend any person would love to have.

- Ronny DiSario and Phil Reyno (Panic! and The Disco) are hilarious too. And Sandro is right, they are dicks. But I like the way they made Sandro feel included in their weird dynamic. I like how they knew he was a good guy. I like how they talked with no filter but still showed support to each other in their own ways. Not to mention, without Ronny and Phil, we wouldn’t have gotten that “hell of an apology” from Sandro when he said sorry for all the shit he said.

- Del Branch is cool too. He’s Bash’s stepfather but he really cared about Bash as his son. He made some missteps, not making the effort to talk more, but that was a two-way street. Once the blockade lifted from that street and Del and Bash talked, it was the sweetest fucking thing. They cared about each other. And the way Bash wanted to get to know more about Del toward the end really warmed my heart. Del also has a queer older brother who is married with kids and that is awesome.

- Claudia Miceli is a mess. The entire Miceli family is a mess. But I want to give her credit in the end, she really tried. She gave it her all to fix her relationship with her son and she acknowledged that she fucked up in multiple ways. I was almost crying when she was crying and telling Sandro that she thought they would have more time. Looks, it’s not enough to make up for the bullshit she put him through but it’s a step in the right direction. Just the fact that Sandro has SOMEONE in his corner in that house is really great.

- Little kids in books are often the funniest characters. GJ is the best. He was rude for no reason to Bash when they first met and it was hilarious. Even better was the mega-meatball he made. I don’t know why, but a little kid answering the door is funny enough. A little kid answering the door while holding a giant wad of ground beef with a face on it is going to kill me with laughter.

- Sandro and Bash agreed to go long-distance! You have no fucking idea how happy that makes me! They want to put in the effort to try and I love that.

- Also, Bash wanting to go by Sebastian Branch when he goes to college made me tear up. The fact that he wants to take his stepfather’s name is so beautiful and really shows his growth as a character.

Dislikes:

- Gay book couples, please stop going months without speaking to each other, my anxiety can’t take it! This is like the third or fourth time I read a book where that happens and I just want y’all to be happy. But I get it. Shit hit the fan and it’s hard to say the things you want to say. But I just wanted to shake Bash and Sandro and tell them they’re being stupid and they still loved each other and they could make it work if they just tried! Okay, I’m cool. I’m chill.

- Fuck the Miceli men. All of them except Sandro. They have no idea how lucky they are to have such a good kid who does so much for the sake of the family. Gio Sr., Gio, and Raph can all go fuck themselves in their gross machismo asses. I can see why Sandro found it hard to be himself in an environment like that.

- Fuck Ant Lewis and Matty Silva too. The former for being racist and the latter for just being an overall dick. They didn’t deserve Bash and his good heart. But I do kind of wish we got a cleaner break between Bash and Matty. Something that clearly states they’re done and here’s why. But Bash doesn’t owe Matty a thing and sometimes friendships just have to die. I get it.

#Booksbooksbooks #Booklr #Book Rec #Book Review #Book Blog #The Long Run #James Acker #LGBTQ #Queer Representation #I'm baaaack

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