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#and now i have been to 2 lectures in the span of 3 months.

moonlightndaydreams · 7 months

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Forbidden (A SKZ Family Secret) Part 5 of 8

Read Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 2.5 // Part 3 // Part 4 // Part 5 // Part 6 // Part 7 // Part 8

Fem reader // Han Jisung // female Aunty Lina (Lino) // Hyuna (Hyunjin) // Suengmin

You are the nanny/housekeeper for Han and Hyuna (Hyunjin), helping take care of their two sons and keeping daily life in order. But what happens when Han and his Sister-in-law Lina take an extra liking to you, and you are caught up in a secret that you never could have imagined?

Chapter Summary: Your pregnancy is moving along. You spend some time with just Lina, and Hyuna paints your portrait.

Writer's Note: In this chapter the MC/reader's pregnancy spans from around 24 weeks to 32 weeks, if you were wanting to follow the progress. We're going to have some F/F smut, Lina thinks she has a pregnancy kink, and Hyuna shares another secret.

I've also been writing this late at night when I'm meant to be asleep and so I know when I re-read this later there will be parts I wish I wrote better. But I need to get this story out of my head.

Word Count: 2.4k (part 5) there will be more parts to come.

A few things to note before you jump in (as this might not be your cup of tea): * Hyunjin (aka Hyuna) and Lino (aka Lina) are female characters in this story (and one of them will be involved in sex). * There is cheating on partners. * There is manipulation and abuse of authority. * Female reader is an adult (in case you were worried)

Warnings: NSFW // Female Lee Minho // Female Hyunjin // cheating on partners // emotional turmoil // unprotected sex // pet names // sub dom undertones // pregnancy // mentions of adoption // breeding kink // squirting // female x female sex // oral sex//

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You had been watching how Han interacted with his children since the day you arrived there. There was something really attractive about a man caring for his offspring. But once you were pregnant you tried not to pay as much attention to it. It hurt to see him being a dad to them, knowing it wouldn’t be the same with your baby.

But now you couldn’t stop watching him. The way he’d scoop up Chan and play zooming him around the room, to the way he’d lecture Binnie about homework and tidying his room. He made such a good father. You couldn’t believe you were caught up in another lie. Oh why did Hyuna have to tell you he wasn’t their actual father? Now you were keeping secrets from Han as well. But it wasn’t your secret to tell.

Maybe it didn’t really matter? Han loved the boys and they loved him. He was their Dad even if he wasn’t biologically their father. Seungmin, if he really wanted to, could’ve claimed them, surely? “It’s killing him.” Hyuna’s words echoed in your mind. You told yourself to Just focus on yourself and the pregnancy and your last few months pretending to be a family with Han and Lina.

You were beginning to feel your baby move more and more inside of you as she grew bigger and stronger. It was a strange feeling, but it made you smile. You had a little human being wriggling in there, and you tried to store the feeling in your memory bank for when you looked back on this for years to come.

As far as Han and Lina knew, Hyuna and Seungmin were under the impression you got pregnant to a guy you went on a few dates with, which was what you were originally going to tell them anyway. Another fucking lie to add to the the growing pile.

Hyuna gave you your first pregnancy photo shoot, setting you up by a window to get the perfect natural light. You bought a gorgeous robe that draped over your growing curves just nicely, and blow dried your hair in soft curls that cascaded around your shoulders. She wanted to create a nice photo album for you that you could look back on and remember this special, intimate time that you and your baby shared. You were starting to see Hyuna as more of a Mother figure than a boss. You were grateful for her support and generosity, and you felt cared for when you were with her.

Your energy returned as you headed into the second half of your second trimester. Your nannying and housekeeping duties were less draining as long as you had an afternoon nap when Channie did. Your hormones were going wild and you had never felt so horny in your entire life. It was lucky you had two lovers to be honest, because you would have worn them out by now. Han and Lina loved it. They worshiped your beautiful, changing pregnant body, making love or fucking you depending on what mood you were in.

“Lina?” You purred. You had her pinned to her bed. Suengmin was at a work function that evening and you and Lina took the opportunity to spend some time together, just the two of you.

“What is it kitten? She grinned looking up at your desperate face.

“I’ve got cravings?” you pouted.

“Oh, I can make you something. What do you-”

You put a finger to her mouth to shush her and shook your head. “You’ve already got what I’m craving…right...” You traced your finger down her chest pausing at her breast. “here.”

Lina blushed. “Oh. Is that right, kitten?” she said as you took your clothes off. You loved being naked lately, and you knew Lina loved you naked too. Her eyes would light up as they drank you in.

You grinned. “I wanna suck Aunty Lina’s nipples.” You whispered tugging her shirt up. She sat up, letting your pull her top off and nestled back onto the bed, a glimmer of excitement in her eyes.

“No bra.” You clicked your tongue. “You’ve got the sexiest tits, you know that right?” Your hungry eyes were firmly on Lina’s pretty pink nipple. “This little kitten is dying to taste you.” You lowered your mouth to her breast, licking the nipple softly, just teasing. Then you took it fully into your mouth, slowly, gently sucking until you felt it grow hard against your tongue. You lifted off with a pop and looked up at Lina through your lashes, then sank back down onto her nipple. Your other hand found her other breast, rubbing your thumb over the nipple as you squeezed the supple flesh. Lina moaned softly. Her breath became heavier, and so did yours. Lina’s tits made you so fucking wet you tried to grind against her leg. As Lina responded to your touch, you responded in turn by increasing the intensity. You sucked a little harder, and grazed your teeth over her erect nipple. Your other hand squeezed the flesh of her breast more aggressively.

“Oh! Kitten!” her back arched up off the bed, pressing against you harder. Your mouth moved to her other breast now, giving that nipple the attention it deserved.

Lina was writhing underneath you. “Touch me. Please. Fill me up with your fingers.” She plead. You leaned up and found her lips, kissing her messily. She moaned into your mouth and you swore you almost came on the spot. Without breaking the kiss, you shimmied her shorts and panties off, and slid your hand down her body and over her stomach, continuing until your fingers found her pussy. God she felt heavenly. She was so pretty and so perfect when she was aroused.

“Oh dear! Lina!” You broke the kiss shocked. She looked at you wide eyed. “You’re fucking soaking.” You whispered as you slid your finger through her lips and brushed it over her clit.

“For you kitten.” She panted, rocking her hips to try and get more friction.

“So needy.” You smirked. “You wanna come all over my hand?” you purred. Lina moaned and nodded frantically. “Wanna come.” She echoed.

You locked eyes with hers and pushed two fingers into her soaking cunt. You groaned at how warm and tight she felt. “Fuck I wish I had a cock right now.” You sighed. “I envy Han getting to fill you up and stretch you out far more than my fingers ever could.”

“I love your fingers, kitten. You know how to find that sweet spot in record time.” She moaned.

“Oh you mean this spot?” you smirked digging into the spongy wall with your fingers.

“Oh… fuck…” she choked. “God you’re going to make me come too fast.” But it only spurred you on. You relentlessly pushed against the spot, using your other hand to rub her clitoris. She begged you to stop, but she didn’t use her safe word so you knew she really wanted you to keep going. You could tell her climax was building rapidly by the sheen of sweat on her body and her flushed chest and cheeks, and they way her breath became shallow. You pushed in a third finger and she moaned at being stretched just that little bit more.

“Put in four… please! Stretch me.” She sobbed. Who were you to deny such a desperate plea. You pulled out your fingers only to return with all four digits, again aiming right into her g-spot. She was flailing around, squeezing her eyes closed, rocking her hips, arching off the bed. You didn’t ease up. Her cunt was soaking your fingers, her creamy arousal gathering at your knuckles. You wished you had more hands so you could fondle her breasts at the same time or caress her body. But you weren’t about to change what you were doing, she was almost there, about to burst, and you couldn’t wait to watch it happen.

“I’m…fuck…I’m…fuuuckkk!” she threw her head back and screamed as she reached her climax, her cunt gripping your hand so fucking tight you thought your fingers would lose circulation. At the same time a clear, warm liquid coated your hand and ran down onto the bed. Lina had squirted and it was the hottest thing you’d ever seen. You quickly licked up as much of her juices as you could while you worked her through what seemed to be a very long, very intense orgasm.

Eventually, Lina’s body stilled as she came down and she fell silent save for some panting while she caught her breath. You crawled up to lay on your side next to her and kissed her again.

She looked at you with her freshly fucked pink cheeks and a stupid-ass grin. “I wanna take care of you now, kitten. I bet your soaking wet. Let me check.” She propped up some pillows and laid you back against them so you were comfortable.

She took her time kissing, sucking and caressing your breasts. “Fuck these are getting so big and full… grrr.” She squeezed a breast making it wobble underneath her grip. “Your pregnant body turns me on so much. Do your think that means I have a pregnancy kink?” she asked. You shrugged. “I don’t know, maybe?” you laughed “But whatever it is I like it.”

She continued touching your body and kissing your swollen belly, and eventually knelt between your legs. She spread your thighs wide open with her hands and bit her lip as she gazed directly at your pussy. She brought her thumb to your lips and ran it up an down your folds. “I love how puffy and pink your lips are. So inviting. I just want to worship you kitten.” She made you feel like an actual goddess.

Lina repositioned herself so that she could bury her face against your pussy. She wrapped her arms around your thighs to keep you still as she slowly and delicately used her lips, her mouth, her tongue to make love to you. If felt like she was going for hours, taking her time, dragging out your pleasure. She’d dip her tongue into you while she brought a thumb to your clit, then she’d swap, plunging her fingers deep inside you while her tongue worked on your sensitive bundle of nerves. “Just like that, Lina. Yes.” You whimpered. You closed your eyes and leaned your head back, indulging in this beautiful, erotic moment. Your orgasm built slowly, just as Lina had intended, and when you came it was euphoric. Your entire body tingled with electricity and a warmth spread through your veins as you floated away. You felt content. You felt happy. You felt like you were where you belonged.

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You entered Hyuna’s bedroom wearing just your robe and a simple pair of black briefs. She’d already set up her easel and had a little table set up with all her paints and brushes. It was the day you were getting your portrait painted. You were thirty two weeks pregnant now and your belly was beautiful and full, but not so full you that you looked uncomfortable. It was the perfect time for Hyuna to paint you and she’d been counting down the weeks for this moment. She’d made space for you to stand by her bedroom window, having moved her low armchair, the one Han fucked you for the first time on, out of the way.

“Petal, before we start I just wanted to show you something. Come here. Sit.” She invited you to sit by her on the bed, holding a thick sketchbook in her hands.

“I’ve never shown anyone this before. Not even Seungmin.” You sat down beside her, nervous of what she was about to show you. With shaky hands Hyuna opened the book to show a sketch of a young couple sitting on a park bench, holding ice-creams and laughing. Hyuna and Seungmin. Hyuna turned the pages to reveal more images of the couple. Young and in love. Doing all the things couples do, like picnics and dancing, smiling and holding each other close.

“This is you and Seungmin? You drew these?” you gasped.

Hyuna nodded. “We used to pretend we were seeing friends, but really we’d be spending time together.” She traced her finger over the page as she recalled the memory. “This is when we talked about getting married.” She pointed to a sketch of the pair sitting under the stars, Suengmin reclined back and Hyuna tucked up against his side in an embrace. It was heartbreaking seeing Hyuna’s memories etched into the paper.

She flicked through several more pages before stopping at a page that showed a heavily pregnant Hyuna looking down at her stomach, smiling. Two sets of hands were resting on her belly. One pair were her own, the other were Seungmin’s. He was standing behind her, arms wrapped around middle, his chin resting on her shoulder. He had the happiest expression you had ever seen.

As Hyuna turned the pages, the sketches of Hyuna and Seungmin tuned into images of Hyuna, Seungmin and Changbin. Seungmin holding a baby. Seungmin carrying a toddler. Seungmin holding a boy up in the their smiling and laughing. It kept going and until one boy turned into two.

You looked at Hyuna who’s eyes were filled with sorrow. This book represented the life she should have had. It was full of memories that never happened, or if they did happen, were secret, never to be spoken about or acknowledged.

“Why…why are you showing me this?” you asked perplexed.

“Because, petal, I’ve always craved to share this with someone. It hurts more as time passes,” She placed her hand on yours and squeezed it. “But, I also needed you to know what happens when you don’t live your truth. The sadness, the regret, the resentment, the lies. Like I said before, it eats at you.”

“You would have made a perfect couple.” You said looking down at the page.

Hyuna scoffed. “Yeah, would have, but didn’t get to. Not in real life.” She wiped the tears from her eyes and sighed, shaking away the sadness. “Now. Let’s start your portrait.” She smiled. “I can’t wait to paint this for you.”

While you stood posed for Hyuna, you reflected on what she’d just shown you. Every single person in this family was hurting. No one was living the life they were meant to. Everyone was keeping their truth hidden. No one was happy. Now you were caught up in this big mess too, even adding to it. Should you just continue to let everything pan out on the trajectory it was already on, keeping up the façade, or was Lina trying to remind you that you you could choose differently?

Read Part 6

Taglist: if you would like to be on the taglist for this series please reply to the post HERE

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Writer's Note: The Hyuna/Seungmin backstory is really heartbreaking. I know I didn't do the scene justice, not by a long shot, but I hope you got the idea I was trying to convey? Bittersweet nostalgia, really hits my INFP heart.

Coming up, there are two more smut scenes I am itching to write and share before shit hits the fan and a baby comes.

See you soon my loves.

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@lyramundana @channieandhisgoonsquad @2chopsticks2eyes @queenmea604 @noellllslut

@leeknowsthigh @chlodavids @antoniorhinothethird @bangtanmix73 @linocvp1d @sunshinesquokka

#skz family smut #skz fanfic #lee know smut #han jisung smut #female lino #female lee know #female hyunjin #aunty lina #dad han #sorsha writes

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mysteriouslybluepirate · 2 months

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15 QUESTIONS FOR 15 FRIENDS

Tagged by @izzy-b-hands Thank you so much!! I know tag games are slowly fading from fashion, but they are a lovely excuse to rant a bit!

1.) ARE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?

Nope! When my mother gave birth she randomly chose a name from a book she liked! She was between two, one becoming my name second becoming my middle name! (My middle name being -Amaya!)

I have been debating changing my, but it's a misspelling of a common name. If someone says it there's a 50/50 chance they say the male spelling, so I can't *not* appreciate it. That and it flows off the tongue with my last name.

[BUT OMG- Izzy would be *such* a good nickname. My ongoing gender crisis makes it hard to choose just 1.(Though I will 100% get a spade/swallow/Polaris(4-pointed star) tattoo on my hand at some point)]

2.) WHEN WAS THE LAST NIGHT YOU CRIED?

I don't know. Probably around 2-3 months ago??? I've been very busy lately, and usually only cry with fic or when it just *naturally* happens. I've been stressed, so I think I'll plan out a good cry this weekend!

Recently I've been frustrated after I received critiques about how I write in a few college classes, which has been a bit rough, but I'll learn from it. A lot of this has to do with how having a bad attention span affects how I write(if you're a follower of mine, you've definitely noticed my errors). I've noticed this in my fanworks as well, a lot of missed words or autocorrects incorrectly editing my work. I am debating going back and re-editing everything out of embarrassment. A combination of ADHD+ Dyslexia is hell when you like writing.

3.) DO YOU HAVE KIDS?

No! No hate to those who do, but I don't think I could be a parent. I know I CAN but I haven't beaten my demons yet, and I wouldn't want to pass them down. I want to make sure I can work through my own habits first.

If I could afford them? I would be much more 50/50. In a few years if my partner REALLY wants them, and we have a support system to help raise them, and we can afford them? MAYBE. I'm the eldest in my family, so maybe I'll get to be a cool uncle.

4.) WHAT SPORTS HAVE YOU PLAYED/DO YOU PLAY?

I'm very uncoordinated. I tried out for the volleyball team when I was around 13, and didn't make the team. On top of having issues showing up consistently that would have made weekly practice hell, I have always been a twig. In High School, after I figured my own habits out a bit more, I was in band/marching band and theater!

Today, I work on my feet, and enjoy indoor rock climbing and weight lifting. Though it really doesn't look like I do!

5.) DO YOU USE SARCASM?

Yes! But it doesn't land unless you've known me forever. I think I'm a hoot, but if I take the energy I bring hanging out with family into the real world? It doesn't transfer. My humor is very dry and half the time people end up explaining how 'you don't understand___' when in reality, I was making a joke. Now I'm getting a lecture.

6.) WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?

Besides outward appearance, I tend to notice moods pretty well before they start talking. Stress, anxiety, anger, happiness, etc, someone's body language. Might be a survival mechanism from growing up with my parent, but it's helpful. THAT and I have a really bad resting bitch face, and 'sad' looking eyes that make me not, look happy 90% of the time. If I do, I'm purposefully smiling.

The 'energy' someone brings to the conversation usually determines how it's going to go. I'm awful with names and faces. At my current job, I've been there since November and can only name 5/40ish coworkers. It's currently March.

Body part-wise? Eyes. I force eye contact like it's no one's business.

7.) WHAT'S YOUR EYE COLOUR?

Brown! Dark brown, not yet black. I usually wear brown glasses to match my brown hair+eyes. Plus a brown jacket/boots. Overall, I also dress in a LOT of browns. Very 70s-style white hippie meets flannels!

8.) SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?

BOTH!

I'm joking, but in all actuality, I just need narrative consistency that fits the tone of your story. Realize if it's a tragedy or comedy and give it a fitting ending.

If we assume this question is more 'do you want to be scared/sad from the stuff you watch or do you just want comfort media?' I heavily lean more comfort. Though I love taking these shows and turning them a bit horrific, it's always to serve a central idea of character growth.

'Character A from show needs to learn a lesson'. Alright, what if the thing that teaches them this lesson is a ghost. Or if a character is thrown into the world suddenly alone-they to have them learn they are competent and not helpless. If that makes any sense.

I enjoy horror/tragedy as a group of tropes but enjoy it more as a way to tell a human story.

9.) ANY TALENTS?

I would frame them as hobbies more than talents, as I've never been naturally good at anything.

I enjoy playing bass guitar/guitar, I embroider, and of course, I write. But I am trying to improve in all of these as I go about my life.

For my instruments, I rely on Rocksmith! I love hooking up an instrument, turning my mind off, and letting my fingers do the work as I listen to songs I like on repeat. As I mentioned with being uncoordinated above with sports, it's slow progress, but I'm having fun doing it!

When I write, I know I have issues really editing my work. I'll change a sentence, and miss a few words in the edit, so now the entire paragraph doesn't flow. That, with dyslexia and the writing platform I use having a less than reliable spell check? Yeah. I wish to improve in how I write. My sentences often don't flow together. I jump from thought to thought, but I'm getting better at catching my thoughts. I only just started writing again in 2022, so I'm trying not to be too hard on myself.

I've been told I'm good with lecturing, but that's just from my love of writing essays.

10.) WHERE WERE YOU BORN?

Small town in Montana, USA. I've lived in Texas, Hawaii, and Virginia due to family being in the military until I was in my early teens. I would say I'm a Montana'ian, as I've spent over half of my life here. It's not awful, the price of living is getting bad as nature lovers with money take the property, but things could be worse. I wish I could leave the US. However, I've realized I need to grow my career and have experience before any country would let me emigrate. So I'll be in my thirties before I have the chance to. (I have no idea if that GIF is in Montana but it fits the vibe)

11.) WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES?

Writing, reading, drawing(it's god awful, but I doodle), listening to music, and I've been trying to get into recording podfics for a year at this point. My hatred of my own voice is seriously holding me back.

12.) DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS?

Yes! I currently have two cats of my own, Polly and Cricket. Both of whom I have inserted into the random fic, as some overly proud pet parents can admit to. They've been with me since early high school, 2016ish. As I currently live with family and do online school, they live with me, and have since 2020. But, due to me going back to in-person classes this fall, my mother will be taking them back. I highly empathize with @izzy-b-hands as I will be in a similar situation soon. Shit sucks!

13.) HOW TALL ARE YOU?

5'9/5'10. Taller if I'm in my boots! I enjoy it.

14.) FAVOURITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL?

Even with my issues keeping a consistent thought, and god-awful dyslexia, I loved English. I averaged around a 90% even if I tried my hardest, but I just fell in love with story analysis and literature. Back then I was convinced a STEM field would save me, so I graduated with 7 math courses and 6 sciences completed in 4 years. Only indulging in the 1 required English in all four years of school. If not for the pandemic and college making me realize I hated most sciences, I wouldn't have fallen back in love with writing. Not taking the schools english classes was my main regret in Highschool.

So either English or History. History was easy for me-I had A+'s in all my courses. Mainly because I memorized historical events like one would a story. Good stuff though.

15.) DREAM JOB?

Writer-teacher-therapist. I am working on becoming the ladder but honestly, the retention rate is so low, most leave the field in their first ten years. I wouldn't want to be a teacher to gen alpha kids, given how most are years behind their grade. But a professor wouldn't be a bad job.

My want to be a therapist comes from controlling some of my hours, and in-depth interactions with the public that go beyond fake customer service smiles. I hate dehumanization and all my jobs so far have been putting on more masks that I already have been struggling to take off for years. That, and I have issues doing work I'm not passionate about but I already see myself falling in love with the field. Especially drug rehabilitation work. My main hesitancy is how our current healthcare system in the US is unaffordable and hard to manage for the insured or uninsured.

If being a therapist falls through, I've enjoyed most of my janitorial jobs. I enjoy working at warehouses right now, given how they let you listen to music and the work is independent, but I've most enjoyed being a janitor in a hospital's kitchen. Maybe I can take the analysis I do here and make YouTube videos? Who knows. I don't dream of labor, but a menial 9-5 where I clock out and have a life sounds perfect. I am not what my job position says I am.

But @izzy-b-hands is right, any sugar-baby situation is preferable!

#text post!#I'm not going to tag anyone as MOST of those I keep in thouch with in the fandom are already tagged!#BUT!#Don't be afriad to respond to this if you'd like!!

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diedbutterflies69 · 3 years

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Cars- Bang Chan imagine

Contains: explicit sexual contact, chan as hot rich hotel owner, car sex, slight degradation, blowjob, fingering, etc

Minors don't interct.

Working in one of the most expensive hotels in the country was something you never expected. You were just a normal student who was struggling to meet deadlines and pay for tuitions and so doing many part time jobs. A law student washing dishes in random restaurant and drooling over food, observing the way those chefs used to work with wok , deep fried food, the process fascinated you so much. Even though you were familiar with cooking since a young age it was rather more like responsibility, a chore. And that's how you learned cooking by slowly observing the chefs and utube videos, as changing the entire career dreams at the last year was little too wild and impossible. But struggles eventually leads to happiness, the owner of one of the restaurant you used to work at got surprisingly close with you ,her name lucy a single divorced hot milf she thaught you many skills and tricks with cooking. Your last straw before quitting the law school was getting failed . And just like that a blessing in disguise. She noticed how dishearted you were and then decided to give you the greatest opportunity in your life.

Working in God's menu was every chef's dream, and Lucy made your dream come true. The owner and main chef of God's menu Bang Chan was close with Lucy and just by that using some connections you got yourself inside that paradise, but Chan was a total boomer with you, he didn't wanted to give you job at the first place as you lacked experience and knowledge but he valued friendships way too much to deny Lucy.

Chan was always hard on you, constantly making you work with him, teaching the mystery behind flavours, making you memorize foreign cuisine recipes, you sweared you didn't even struggled that much in law school as there was no one lecture you and expect from you. He acted all tough just to make you perfect and eventually became close, you fell in the pit of one sided love the moment Chan agreed to hire you. What you adored most about Chan was how he always made sure to not make you panic while being near fire, never told you to hurry while cutting vegetables. His this small gestures meant so much too you. And in span of 7 months that baby was finally your boyfriend. Chan was someone who followed his heart and just like that, he confessed in the most cheesiest way possible. And here you are today a great chef with lot of knowledge and a handsome, caring and loving boyfriend. 3 years of loving relationship.

"baby~~ " you said while hugging your boyfriend from the back who was too invested in making a 4 tower cake for his best friend's wedding even though he wasn't much experienced with baking whatever he tried doing was no less than perfection.

"yes, baby? Need anything?", Chan asked you. Even though you have been listening to his sweet honey voice since years it never failed to make your heart flutter.

"stop working now, it's 2:30 am let's go home now", you whined slightly tipping on toes and kissing Chan's neck. Getting a small hum from your boyfriend.

"just few more minutes babe", Chan said turning back and softly giving pecking your forehead . You huffed in response being too tired of your boyfriend's night owl tendencies, you went back to the table and singing a good night in most extra way possible. Chan just smiled at his girlfriend, he too wanted to go home and just cuddle with you but work was trash .

Finally looking at clock it was 3 :15 something, his work finally done. After cleaning up every thing,washing the dishes and shoving the massive cake into refrigerator carefully, Chan happily made his way to you. He too saying baby~ in most extra way possible, he was an true night owl no matter how much he worked at nights without you being by his side he wasn't able to fall asleep. A habit he picked up 3 years ago.

"get up, it's 5 am", Chan whispered into your ear while aggressively moving you to make you leave your dreamland.

"aggh, good morning the love of my life", you said slowly leaving your subconscious world. Even in slight unconscious mind you were flirty and cheesy.

"good morning, it's 5 A.M ", Chan again told you a wrong time just messing up with you.

"what the fuck", you yelled being angry on your boyfriend's crazy work habits , you were glaring at him till he bought his his wrist infront of your face . His watch reading 3 : 08 , being confused and worried for your wrong vision you looked at the wall clock that to read 3:07 am.finally realising you have been scammed.

" you fucking lier", you yelled at Chan for pranking you, but you were glad that he finished the work soon.

"heheh", Chan laughed, he was too cute for you.

"let's just go home", you said trying to keep a poker face, packing your stuff then gripping Chan's hand and walking out of the space.

Going down through the elevator, Chan unleashing his 50 shades enthusiast.

"What is it about elevators?" Saying this and immediately pulling you into a deep kiss, he tasted like chocolate probably from the previous cake flavours, his tongue feeling so good while exploring your mouth, one hand at the back of your neck and the other interlocked with yours. His lips always felt like heaven.

He broke the kiss as the door opened, he adjusted your hair and outfit and locking his eyes with you giving you a warm smile, fully a contradiction to his previous action. This man's duality always suprised you.

"let's go baby~", Chan said getting out of elevator with you, hands interlocked moving back and forth, if someone saw you both they would probably think that you both are possessed, smiling and jumping like kids finally reached the car.

"let me open the door for you", Chan said with a smirk while opening the car door for you , there was not a single human present in the parking lot, creepy vibes but perfect for your both future activities. Chan entered the car and stared at you in the most innocent way possible.

"what?", You asked him giving him the same innocent eyes.

"babe, the kiss made me hard", Chan admitted almost shamelessly his eyes pointing at his pants , and yes it was a great hot site too notice.

"will you melt, till we reach home?", You asked Chan looking into his eyes hands slowly creeping to his thighs dangerously close to the not so safe zone.

"I would rather burst here than melt till we reach home", Chan said holding your hand bringing it straight over his memeber, you blushed deeply at his actions.

"Come on babe, we had done Car sex multiple times", Chan said making you blush and wet down there even more. You got a little too needy as the memories of Chan fucking you ruthlessly on the back site of the car came to your mind. Your hand still palming his cock through pants.

"hop on the backseat", you said almost breathlessly, Chan smirking at your needy , horny State. You both went on the backseat to make a great mess over there .

"aaah" , you moaned loudly as Chan slapped your left boob while sucking your neck. His teeth never failed at marking you all over, his touch was heaven especially whenever he squeezed the back of your neck or roughly groped those boobs. Detaching himself from your neck he gripped your neck in an erotically painful way and forcing you on your knees.

"Suck, use that mouth atleast one time for a good cause", Chan said , his degrading voice mixed with heavy lust. Nodding at his words , without wasting any time you bought your hands to undid his belt and zipper . Palming him through his boxers and finally releasing it from all restraints, you slowly put hs cock inside your mouth, he was really really hard. A fucking long and thick cock he had, you not being able to take him even half way as the position was slightly painful but nevertheless you started bopping your head up and down and palming the remaining with your hands. His loud groans and moans indicated that he was satisfied enough, you increased your speed, occassionally hollowing your cheeks to take him deeper every time. He gripped your head as he was close , he started to move your mouth as he pleased making you gag non stop, it hurted but you liked it so much. " You feel so fucking good, all mine", Chan said breathlessly after a final thrust and empting himself inside your mouth, his cum feeling your mouth in escasty. You sucked off every single drop not wasting anything.

Chan lifted you up from the car floor and made you sit on his lap. You looking fully fucked out, with clothes misplaced and mouth dripping with saliva and his liquid , black mascara tears running down.

"My precious slut", Chan said while making his way to your panties, your jeans were already removed a long ago.

"you want my fingers? Hmm?" Chan said as his fingers were slowly entering your pussy , his cold hands making you shiver .

"yes please sir" , you begged voice laced up with pure desperation and needily grinding on his fingers and thighs. Chan smirked again at you.

"what you want more, my fingers or my cock?" Chan made gave you 2 choices both of them heaven.

"your cock, sir please" You begged again. He finally smiles at you pure ill intention smile.

"Since you are too good girl, I should give you whatever you want", Chan said and finally bought his cock towards your tight leaking cunt slowly entering himself inside you.

"ride", Chan said and you felt like being on cloud nine. Slowly moving your hips up and down in decent speed . His cock fitted so well inside of you, it was pure bliss for you.

But without a warning Chan bought his hands towards your clit and pinching it making your whole body jolt in overstimulation.

" babe,you are too good, so deserve my fingers too", Chan said with a sadistic smile.

It's gonna be a long morning.

#skz smut #stray kids #stray kids smut #bangchan #bangchan smut #skz #skz chan x reader #chan smut

233 notes · View notes

viastro · 3 years

Text

in a span of three months | joshua hong

ミ★ synopsis: in which you teach joshua how to live.

ミ★ genre: strangers to lovers!au, terminally ill!reader, angst, fluff, some humor

ミ★ warnings: mentions of depression (not mentioned heavily), implied suicidal thoughts and intention (very brief), major character death

ミ★ word count: 20,351

ミ★ pairings: joshua hong x gender neutral reader

ミ★ notes: hi guys ! here’s the longest oneshot i’ve ever written so i’d like to apologize in advance BSJKGBDKB i just wanted to mention that this isn’t necessarily realistic before you go into it, and that the reader’s illness is not mentioned in this oneshot as i didn’t want to explicitly list one. i hope you guys enjoy this oneshot, it’s my best work and i put a lot of time and effort into it <3

ミ★ taglist: @coppertrashi @magicalhannie @brinnalaine @minluvly @wonunuu @suhfluffy @shuajeong @euphorencia @imjustuhhvibing @minghao-will-be-the-death-of-me @shuahaeee @jaeyuni @sunflowergyeomie

january 2, 2021

The date flashes back at you from your lockscreen, and a breath escapes you as you turn off your phone. Your leg bounces against the floor in anxiousness as you wait for him to tell you the results from your recent test.

“I’m sorry, yn.” You slowly look up towards your doctor, seeing the grave expression on his face. Your grip on the chair tightens when he folds his hands together, turning towards you.

“We estimate that you only have three more months to live. We will give you medication…” The rest of his words are tuned out as your gaze falls down to the table, the sound of your heartbeat is loud against your ears. You bite the inside of your cheek, listening to it thrum.

I’m dying, yet I can feel my heartbeat right now. I can hear it. It’s beating.

I’m alive.

You stand up from your chair when Dr. Park does, and you give him as bright of a smile as you can muster when you bow towards him. He stares at you with pity in his eyes, and you hate it.

You hate it so much.

“Eat whatever you want, do things you’ve always wanted to do. Live your life, yn. I’ll see you at your next appointment.” Dr. Park tells you, and you nod your head. Giving him a small smile, you grab your bag and walk out of the room, tightly squeezing the strap as you exit the hospital.

Once outside, you suck in a deep breath of air, having felt as if you were suffocating in that building the longer you were in it. Rubbing the back of your neck, you look over towards the Han River, seeing the Banpo bridge shine brightly during the night.

Letting out a sigh, you head in the direction of the bridge, deciding to walk home rather than take the bus like you usually do. Your heart remains heavy as you look around at your surroundings, wondering what you should do during your last few months of living.

It’s strange.

Having a known deadline on your own life.

As you make it onto the bridge, you turn your head to look out along the Han River as you walk. The slight wind from the water breezes past you during the night, and you somehow find that it’s the only thing able to calm you down from the raging storm within you. Letting out a small smile, you notice how pretty Seoul is at night.

With the city lights shining brightly back at you, the busy streets roaring with life even during the relatively late hours. The bright stars glowing down from the sky, surrounding the beautiful moon that reflects its light across the Han River.

“Ah, life is beautiful.” You mutter softly, turning your head and looking forward. You raise an eyebrow when you see a blonde head of hair standing in front of the railing along the bridge, just staring out at the water. Coming to a stop, you stare at the person a few feet from you, wondering what they’re doing.

Your eyes trail down to see his hands gripping the railing tightly, and you tilt your head at the sight. Taking a few steps forward, the man seems to have not noticed your presence. He just looks out across the water with a blank stare, the whites of his knuckles becoming more prominent when he tightens his grip again. At this point, you decide to interrupt.

“Hi.” You greet cheerfully, and the guy blinks out of his dazed state from the sound of your voice. He slowly turns his head towards you, and you feel warmth flood your face immediately at how ethereal this man is.

His platinum hair falls softly over his forehead, wisps of it flying up slightly due to the light wind. His deerlike eyes stare into yours, and you find that they emphasize his beautiful features that much more. However, the exhaustion is evident in his gaze.

“Hey.” The stranger replies, voice soft and airy, somehow matching his appearance even though he seems tired.

“What are you doing?” You ask, stepping forward so that you’re now right beside him. His eyes widen slightly, before they relax to their normal size. He shrugs his shoulders, glancing over at the road when a car drives by. “Just standing on the bridge.”

You give him a close-lipped smile, tilting your head as you press on, “Why?”

“Just cause.”

You nod your head, turning around so that you can rest your forearms onto the railing. Raising your hand up, you rest your chin on the palm of your hand, letting out a sigh of content as you lay eyes on the beautiful scenery once again. The ethereal man turns to glance at you, wondering what you could possibly want.

“Live your life.” You say in a soft tone, and he simply blinks at you.

“What?”

You turn your head towards the pretty man, “Life is short when you think about it. It can suck a lot of the time, as well as be unfair, but sometimes…”

Your voice trails off as you look up at the stars, realizing just how small you are in this great, big universe. “Sometimes it can be beautiful.”

The stranger tilts his head up and stares at the sky along with you, a comfortable silence settling over the two of you as you do so.

“I wish I could see it like you do.” You look over at him, finding that he’s still staring up at the sky. His breath is visible due to the cold temperatures, and you watch as he lets out a sigh. He turns towards you, giving you a heartbreaking smile, “Life hasn’t been kind to me.”

The two of you stare into each other's eyes for a moment, and you find that you’re more similar than you originally thought. You feel the exact same way about life, and you’ve asked life for years, why you? Why did it have to be you?

You could never find the answer.

And so, you smile at the stranger, who tilts his head at you, wondering how one can be so bright and cheerful. You reach into your pocket and pull out your phone, handing it towards him after you unlock it. He raises an eyebrow as he reaches out and takes it, “You know I could totally just take this and run, right?”

You nod your head, letting out a quiet giggle that rings in the blonde’s ears. He finds the sound to be rather pleasant. “I know, but I have a feeling you’re not that type of person.”

He purses his lips, nodding his head in agreement. Glancing down at the cellular device, he sees your wallpaper, a photo of you holding a cat with a big smile on your face. His eyes trail back up towards your face, as if to ask what you want him to do with your phone.

You sigh with a teasing look on your face, and you take the phone from his grasp, opening up the contacts menu before holding it back out towards him. “Put your number in.”

The blonde’s eyes widen slightly, before he tentatively types in his number, handing it back to you. You grasp the phone in your hand, a breath leaving your lips when you finally learn his name.

“Why do you want my number?” He asks, and you look up from your phone, giving your new friend a smile.

“Since life hasn’t been kind to you, I wanted to be.” You answer simply, and he stares into your eyes with an indecipherable emotion to them at your answer.

After a moment, he turns his body towards the railing of the bridge again, staring out at the city without saying anything else. You follow suit, resting your forearms onto the cool metal as you breathe in the fresh air.

“My name is yn.” You tell him in a soft voice, not expecting a response. A few minutes pass when you finally hear his voice say,

“My name is Joshua.”

Joshua taps the eraser of his pencil onto his notebook, blankly staring off at the projector screen while he tunes out everything the professor is saying. The only thing on his mind is you, the person he met last week on the bridge.

You haven’t contacted him yet, and he’s beginning to wonder if you were just a figment of his imagination. That deep down, he wanted to stay, so his consciousness created a positive person to appear right before him, convincing him to live another day.

“Yn.” Joshua whispers underneath his breath, and he tilts his head to the side, having not realized how nice your name was until this very moment. He only pays attention to the lecture when his professor announces the homework, and he quickly jots down the page numbers to read. Throwing his bag over his shoulder, he steps out of the auditorium and begins to walk off campus.

Some university students would usually go and meet up with their friends after class to go and eat, or they’d go and meet their significant other to study together. Then there’s Joshua, who does neither of those things.

“Hey Josh.” The blonde nods his head at his boss in greeting, letting the door close behind him as he walks over into the back to change.

Everyday Joshua just goes through the motions, doing what he has to do to survive, as dramatic as that sounds. Go to uni, work a six hour shift to pay for his tuition, head home and study, then barely sleep. He wakes up the next day and does it all over again.

Joshua has gotten used to the feeling of being numb.

He tiredly ties the apron onto his waist before going and washing his hands. The call of his name makes him glance up from the floor as he wipes his hands on a paper towel, his boss appears at the doorway, holding the notepad and pen towards him.

Joshua sends him a tight smile, stepping forward and taking the pen and paper from his hand. He feels himself get a pat on the back as his manager walks past him, and he lets out a breath, before walking out into the restaurant.

His eyes trail over to two women seated at a booth, waiting for their orders to be taken. Joshua doesn’t feel like going over there yet, as the words you told him that night ring in his head.

Live your life.

Joshua scoffs quietly, remembering the bright smile you showed him. He looks down at the notepad in his hand, wondering how you could find life to be so beautiful when he’s never seen it that way. His head snaps up when he hears his name be called, and he immediately walks over to the table, clicking open the pen.

“Hi. What can I get started for you guys today?”

“One sikhye please!” The woman nods her head at you, and you smile as you hand her the correct amount of money. She hands you your order number, and you walk over to the other side of the food stand, waiting to be called.

Your hands make their way into your pockets, your hand wrapping around your phone. Tilting your head, you remember the pretty blonde you met on the bridge. You suck in a deep breath of the cool air, looking up towards the sky to catch the beginning of the sunset. A smile makes its way onto your face at the different pink and orange hues of the sky.

You fail to notice the blonde head of hair looking in your direction, wondering how you always manage to have a smile on your face. It’s only when you feel that tingly feeling of someone staring at you that you look back down, turning your head to find those deerlike eyes boring into yours.

Your mouth drops open in surprise, and you grin happily, raising your hand up and waving towards the ethereal man.

“Hi Jos-” You’re cut off when your order number gets called, and you hold up a finger at the blonde to signal him to wait, before quickly grabbing your sikhye and walking over to him.

“Hi Joshua.” You finally greet properly, taking a tiny sip of the sweet rice drink as he stares at you quietly. He clicks his tongue, tilting his head at you, “You never texted me.”

Pursing your lips at the fact that he was waiting, you slowly hold out the drink in apology. Joshua glances down at it, before looking back at you with a raise to his eyebrow.

“Don’t you want it?”

“Take my apology drink.”

“But you just ordered this-”

“I can buy another one.”

The corner of Joshua’s lip quirks up slightly, before he takes the drink from your grasp and takes a sip. You let out a smile, before pointing back towards the drink stand, “I’ll go buy myself another drink and then we can hangout.”

You’re about to turn around when you feel a hand grasp your wrist, stopping you from walking over. Your eyes slowly glance down, before they trail back up to see Joshua staring at you, straw in his mouth as he takes another sip of the sikhye.

He lets go of your wrist and walks over to the stand himself, ordering the drink for you. You’re left flabbergasted as he hands the employee his card, and you watch as a blush rises to the woman’s face the longer she communicates with the pretty man.

Once he’s handed his order number, he walks back towards you, seeing the shocked look on your face. He raises his hand up and waves it in front of your face, and you finally look back into his eyes.

“Why do you look so shocked?” Joshua asks, slightly biting on the straw as he awaits your response. Your mouth opens and closes, before you just let out a huff, reaching out and hitting Joshua’s arm softly. He still feigns pain, his hand reaching up and rubbing the area.

“Ow.”

You giggle at his reaction, “Thank you for the drink, Joshua. Except now I feel like the apology drink I gave you doesn’t count since you bought me one.”

Joshua shrugs, looking back over towards the drink stand when he hears your order number be called. He shoots you a glance over his shoulder, “Consider it a gift.”

It’s only when Joshua walks back and hands you the sikhye that you wonder how he’s been doing. You stare at him for a moment as he places the receipt into his wallet, and you find that the darkness under his eyes is still evident. You even think they might be a bit darker than when you first saw him as he looks back up at you.

“Is something on my face?” Joshua asks when he notices the furrow to your brow. Your eyes widen slightly and you shake your head, giving him a reassuring grin. “I just thought you were handsome.”

Joshua’s mouth drops open at your honesty, while you internally panic at the fact that that was your coverup for staring at him. You watch as a tinge of pink appears on his cheeks, and you honestly find the sight so endearing that you have to look away.

“Let’s go to the arcade!” You exclaim, not wanting to acknowledge the fact that you called him handsome as you point towards the colorful arcade down the block. Joshua raises an eyebrow, running a hand through his hair when he nods his head. “Okay.”

The two of you go on your way to the arcade, walking in a relative silence, the sounds of you both taking sips of your sikhye filling the quiet. Joshua pushes open the door for you, and you smile, nodding your head at him.

“What a gentleman.” The blonde lets out a scoff at the nickname, and you giggle at his reaction once he steps inside after you. You both walk over to the machine that gives you the game card, and you quickly shove your credit card into the slot before Joshua can, effectively paying for the game card the two of you will share.

Joshua rolls his eyes as he takes another sip of his drink, “You should’ve let me pay for it.”

You don’t respond, instead heading over to the racing games without another word. Joshua pauses when you glance over your shoulder with a smile, “Consider it a gift.”

He watches as you skip towards the game with the motorcycle, the sight of your bright smile still imprinted in his brain. He shakes his head as if it’ll clear his thoughts, before following after you.

Joshua’s head falls back onto his pillows as he stares up at the ceiling of his dark room, the comforter resting over him.

He’s always had trouble sleeping. It started out by him sleeping later and later as he grew older, until he could only fall asleep at around 4 or 5 in the morning.

Joshua’s eyes trail over to the window beside him, and he lets out a quiet huff when he sees that the moon isn’t shining back at him. The stars are a bit dim, but they’re still evident in the dark sky.

He looks back up towards the ceiling, and he closes his eyes when the thought of your smile comes into mind again.

Joshua glances at you when you let out another giggle, and he finds himself wondering for the nth time how you can be so happy. You rest your head onto his shoulder for a second while you laugh, and he freezes slightly at the contact.

“Your face when I beat you at air hockey was so funny.” You manage to say through your laughing fit, reaching up to cover your mouth with your hand in an attempt to stop more giggles from pouring through. Joshua rolls his eyes playfully, remembering how happy you were when you won the arcade game.

“Was it really that funny?” Joshua asks, and you nod your head with an incredulous look on your face. He lets out a sigh, placing his hands into his pockets as he looks up towards the night sky. The two of you fall into a comfortable silence, just enjoying the scenery as you calm down from the joys of the arcade.

You turn your head to look at the blonde, “Did you have fun tonight?”

The blonde doesn’t respond right away, instead letting his head fall so that he’s now staring at the sidewalk while the two of you walk to the bus stop. You nod, understanding that he probably didn’t enjoy the games as much as you did.

“It’s okay if you didn’t. I know a few people who don’t actually like arcades-”

“I enjoyed it.” Joshua answers, turning to look at you with a close-lipped smile on his face. He watches as your eyes practically sparkle back at him from the sight. “Really?”

Joshua nods his head, and you raise your hands up to your warm face, feeling accomplished. He looks away from you as the two of you continue to walk, finding you to be rather endearing. Once the two of you make it to the bus stop, you turn around to face the ethereal man, giving him a bright smile that makes his heart stutter within his chest.

“I’m happy you had fun, Joshua. I’ll make sure to text you this time!” You say happily as the bus pulls up, and you raise your hand up to wave at him.

Joshua keeps his hands in his pockets once you turn around and head onto the bus. He watches as you walk towards the window seat, immediately pulling open the window once you sit down. You give him another smile and a wave, and he tilts his head at you.

It’s only when the bus pulls away from the curb that Joshua raises his hand up and waves back at you.

Joshua’s eyes glance over to the window again, and he decides that you were brighter than all of the stars in the sky tonight.

He manages to fall asleep earlier this time, around 2 am.

Your smile was the last thing on his mind before he did so.

Joshua sits at his desk, mindlessly doing his homework as the soft guitar instrumental plays in the background of his room. He taps the eraser against his bottom lip, before pressing the led onto the paper again.

The sound of his phone receiving a notification captures his attention, and he glances down at the cool metal, seeing an unfamiliar number. He slides up on his lockscreen and reads the message.

you: joshua ! it’s me yn >:D

The blonde lets out a breathless chuckle, lifting up his phone and sending a response back.

joshua: so you actually texted me this time

you: don’t make me feel bad ! D: i was busy after i met you that night

i gave you my sikhye last week to make up for it !

The corner of Joshua’s lips quirks upwards at your use of emoticons, knowing that you most likely pouted as you typed the message.

joshua: it was very good

you: i know right

anyways, do you wanna hangout later today? i wanna go to the park to take pictures when the sun sets

joshua: so you’re using me as your professional photographer

you: of course :3

joshua: pft

you: see you at around 5 <3333

joshua: i’ll see you

The blonde sets down his phone, running a hand through his hair as he looks out his window. The blue skies stare back at him, and he watches as a few birds fly past. His eyes trail back over towards his laptop, and he sighs.

“I’ll finish this assignment before I start to get ready.”

It’s only a few hours later that Joshua’s walking towards the park, hands in his pockets as he listens to the sound of life around him. He looks around at his surroundings, about to enter the park entrance when he catches sight of a tteokbokki stand.

He watches as a couple hands the lady some money, before she prepares their bowls that will hold the yummy rice cake. He specifically eyes the mozzarella cheese she layers over it, and Joshua suddenly wonders when he became hungry.

“I wonder if yn would want some.” Joshua mutters to himself, tilting his head the longer he debates on whether or not to spend his money.

He fails to notice you standing not too far from him, smiling as you watch him practically waddle in place as he stares at the food stand. You walk up to the blonde, reaching out and resting your hands on both of his arms, peering over his shoulder.

“Are you hungry?” Joshua chokes on his saliva at your sudden appearance, causing you to double over in laughter and apologies as you try to help him breathe properly. He squints at you when he finally regains his composure, still clearing his throat as he pats his chest.

“I’m literally so fucking sorry.” His eyes turn into slits at your apology, watching as your shoulders shake from the laughter you’re trying to hold back. Joshua gently pushes you with his hand, before turning around and walking into the park, tteokbokki now forgotten.

“Joshua! I’m sorry!” You laugh from behind, walking faster in order to catch up to him. Joshua doesn’t respond, but he doesn’t pick up his pace either, instead letting you hurry to his side. You smile at him, peeking your head in front of his face so that he can look at you. “Do you forgive me?”

“You thought me choking was funny.”

“True.” You admit, and Joshua scoffs at your answer, rolling his eyes teasingly as he nudges you with his shoulder again. You grin happily, nudging him back as you pull out your phone from your pocket.

“The sun is setting which means we probably only have 20 minutes to take the best sunset photos known to man. You’re my designated photographer today, remember?” Joshua begrudgingly takes the phone from your grasp, and you walk onto the relatively empty field of grass, raising your arms up towards the sky. The blonde just lets out a sigh loud enough for you to hear as he goes onto the camera app,

“Ah, what a tragic life I live.”

“You should be happy that you’re photographing such beauty!” You shout, and the corner of Joshua’s lip quirks up when he sees the furrow to your brow. He lifts up the phone so that you’re in frame, but peeks his head out from behind it.

“Do you want me to just take a billion photos?” He asks, and you give him a thumbs up. The blonde nods his head, going back into photographer mode as he starts to take photos of you.

You’re quite surprised at how seriously Joshua’s taking this photography gig, with the way he’s angling the camera and the straight face he has on. You find yourself giggling at the sight, causing the blonde to pause when he sees your smile through the camera.

Your eyes widen slightly when you see him stiffen, realizing your laughter might’ve accidentally thrown him off his game, “Was my giggling bad? Sorry!”

Joshua shakes his head immediately at your apology, lowering your phone from his face so that you can see him properly. It’s as if your heart stops when you do look at him.

His platinum hair is flowing a bit with the wind, similar to when you first met him that night on the bridge. His deerlike eyes are boring into yours, and you find a tinge of pink dusting across his cheeks as he runs a hand through his hair.

Joshua hides his face behind your phone again, wanting to capture your reaction when he says,

“Don’t apologize. Your smile is pretty.”

Your mouth drops open at the compliment, having not received one from the past couple weeks of knowing the man. Joshua captures the moment on your phone, a breath leaving his lips when he sees a smile make its way onto your face.

“Thank you.” You mutter, radiance to your features as you start posing again underneath the sky painted with various shades of pink and purple. He nods his head as he continues to capture more photos of you, silently wondering how he finds you to be prettier than the beautiful sunset behind you.

“No problem.”

You stare into those lovely brown eyes with a determined look on your face, making the blonde raise an eyebrow at you in confusion. He reaches his hand out towards you, and you stare at it, wondering what he’s going to do.

“Ow!”

It only results in you rubbing your forehead with a glare, while Joshua just goes back to drinking his coffee—now happy about flicking your forehead. You slam your fists gently onto the wooden table, and the ethereal man just stares at you in silence.

“You know what we should do?” You ask, and Joshua stays quiet, knowing you’re going to answer the question anyways. A grin makes its way onto your face as you give him jazz hands, “Go to the store so that I can buy groceries because my fridge is low.”

Joshua lets out a sigh, giving you an unimpressed look as he turns to face out the window. He’s not surprised, really. The last time the two of you hung out was just Joshua accompanying you to the library so that you wouldn’t have to return your books alone.

“Come on! I’ll buy you any snacks you want while we’re there. Besides, grocery shopping is fun.” Joshua continues to sip from his drink, somehow not surprised that you find restocking your food supply to be fun either.

“Well, more fun when you’re with someone at least.” You correct, and the blonde finally peeks at you, seeing the knowing smile on your face. He glances out the window, shrugging his shoulders in an attempt to appear indifferent. “As long as you buy me the snacks I want.”

“Of course, Joshua. What kind of person would I be if I didn’t buy you your favorite snacks?”

“No, not those snacks. Those are expensive.” Joshua just stares at you in silence, bag of chips in hand as he watches you reach out towards the off-brand version. You pick up the bag, holding it out towards the pretty man and waving it for good measure. “These are cheaper and taste the same. Trust me, Joshua.”

“You told me that you’d buy the snacks I wanted if I went grocery shopping with you.” Joshua mutters with a pout to his lips, and you simply flash him an apologetic smile as you toss the bag into the cart while taking the original one from his grasp and returning it. The blonde scoffs, nudging you with his shoulder, and you giggle as you walk off towards the next aisle. “Yes, but we’re on a budget here.”

Joshua pushes the cart after you, listening contently as you explain what you’re missing at your apartment and what food you should make for dinner. His eyes follow your movements as you gesture with your hands, now explaining a story of how you almost set your toy kitchen on fire when you were younger.

Your eyes twinkle underneath the fluorescent light, and your lips are turned upwards in a warm smile as you look back on the memory. Your voice is soft but cheerful as you tell him about the memory while throwing in some items into the cart, and Joshua finds that there’s a lump in his throat as he watches you giggle.

You turn your head to look at the blonde, just to find his pretty eyes staring at you with an indecipherable emotion in them. Feeling warmth flood your face from his stare, you look down at the cart to place the box of tea in your hands.

“What’s on your mind?” You ask, proceeding to walk out of the aisle to go to the bread section. Joshua stays quiet for a moment, staring at your fingers peeking out of your sweater paws as your arms swing back and forth.

When you don’t hear a response, you move to glance back at him, only to pause when he pushes the cart forward so that he’s now walking right beside you. Joshua raises his hand up and fondly pats your head, making your eyes widen at the sweet gesture.

You slowly turn towards him, just to find the smallest hint of a smile on his face. Warmth floods your face at the lovely sight, and you can’t help but feel slightly disappointed when Joshua’s hand falls back onto the cart handle.

The two of you gaze into each other's eyes in silence for a moment, and you begin to wonder when that hint of a sparkle began to show in Joshua’s eyes over the last month of the two of you hanging out. He turns away when he feels the tips of his ears turn red, looking over towards the bread aisle. You watch as he takes a step forward with the cart as he suddenly says,

“Let’s get this bread.”

You let out a loud laugh at the old meme, startled at the fact that Joshua even said that as you follow after him.

As Joshua watches you choose the bread you want while also picking out some cookies for the two of you to share on the way to your apartment, he finds himself feeling content for the first time in a long time.

“Hope you enjoy it.” Joshua says as he places the last dish onto the table, giving the customers a tight smile before walking back over to the register. He rests his head into his hands, grimacing at the oncoming migraine he knows will come later in the hour.

He peeks through his fingers to look at the clock, seeing that he’s still on shift for another three hours. The blonde lets out a quiet groan, wondering if his boss has any aspirin he could possibly take.

The sound of the bells chiming from the door opening is what has him look up, trying to mask the pain from his headache as he stares towards the entrance. His eyes widen slightly when he sees you standing there, a bright smile on your face as you wave at the pretty man.

“Yn?”

You quickly walk up towards Joshua, feeling happy that you were able to come visit him during his shift. You slam your hand on the counter that keeps the two of you separated, while raising ₩20,000 towards his face with your other. Joshua simply raises an eyebrow at you, wondering why you look so determined.

“I’ll have your favorite dish from here and for you to eat it with me during your break.”

“Are you trying to buy me, yn? My favorite dish is only 7,000 won-”

“Now don’t make me sound like a bad person! You should be grateful I’m buying us food—your favorite nonetheless.” You whine, and Joshua just chuckles at the pout to your lips. You squint when he doesn’t take the money from you, only for your mouth to drop open in protest when you see him pull out his card.

“Joshua!”

“I’ll pay for the meal. It’ll keep me safe since you wanted to buy me-”

“I did not!” You laugh, watching as the receipt comes out from the printer after he pays for the meal. He places his card back into his wallet, before motioning towards a booth near the wall. “Go sit down, I’ll let my boss know I’m going on my 30.”

You nod your head, walking over to the booth and sitting down on the rather worn out cushions. While you wait for Joshua, you rest your head onto your arms over the table, closing your eyes. A sad smile forms on your face when you hear your heartbeat in your ears, a reminder that your time left here is dwindling.

It’s been a month and a few days since you found out about your ill-fate on that cold, January night.

However, you haven’t found yourself thinking about your inevitable doom as often as you thought you would. Instead, you’ve been spending your days hanging out with Joshua, and using your nights to plan out the next place the two of you should go to.

You don’t know when you decided to spend your last three months trying to help Joshua see the beauty in life.

But as you look up from the table and see his pretty eyes starting to sparkle at you when he places the food down onto the surface, the corners of his lips quirking upwards as he explains how his boss was teasing him,

You realize that you wouldn’t want to spend them any other way.

The two of you walk down the street side by side, taking sips of the sikhye you bought for the both of you to make up for the meal. The comfortable silence is settled over you guys like a blanket, not needing any words to be able to spend time with each other contently.

You take a peek at the beautiful man, suddenly noticing that the dark eye bags that once adorned his features have diminished significantly. The roots of his platinum hair are beginning to grow, but it seems like he doesn’t really care.

You wouldn’t care if you looked like Joshua, either.

He’s too pretty.

“Who?”

God fucking damn it.

You immediately look away from Joshua’s curious gaze, warmth flooding your face at the fact that you just blatantly announced that he was too pretty when the two of you were walking in a relatively comfortable silence.

“Cha Eunwoo from Astro.” You lie, and the blonde nods his head in agreement after a moment, turning back to face the front. Silence falls over the two of you again, and you’re incredibly grateful that he didn’t ask more questions.

But you also find yourself a bit disappointed at the lack of them.

When the two of you end up at the front of your apartment building, you both turn towards each other to say your goodbyes. However, as the streetlight lays over Joshua’s blonde hair, almost mimicking the appearance of a halo, you realize you don’t really want the night to end.

“Thank you for visiting me at work, yn. Make sure to text me when you get into your apartment.” Joshua tells you with his soft voice. You hum in response, shifting from one foot to another. “Thank you for the food. I’ll try to visit more.”

Joshua nods his head, raising his hand up to send you a tentative wave. “I’ll see you later, yn.”

You smile softly, waving back at him as he turns around and starts to walk away. An internal battle goes on inside you as you try to figure out what you want to do, watching as his figure gets smaller as the distance grows between you.

Squeezing your eyes shut, you shout out:

“Do you wanna come in and watch a movie with me?!”

Joshua pauses at the question, like, physically and mentally freezes. His eyes are wide as he stares at the pavement, and he wonders why his heart is beating so fast in his chest at the question. There’s a small breeze that passes the both of you, and you bite your bottom lip.

The silence is deafening.

Joshua slowly turns to glance at you, and you feel your heart sink slightly at the shocked expression on his face. You’ve come to realize as the two of you look at each other, that you asking him to come in was a mistake. So you open your mouth to tell him he doesn’t have to,

“Okay.” Your mouth remains open at his answer, believing that you must’ve just imagined him agreeing to your suggestion.

And so you respond, “Heh?”

Joshua huffs, walking over so that the two of you are only a foot apart. He squints at you, and you furrow your eyebrows in response to the expression on his face.

“Yes. I’ll come in and watch a movie with you.”

“Oh.”

The two of you stare at each other for another moment. With you just gauging what he said while Joshua stands in silence, amusement and shyness written across his features.

You suddenly let out a gasp, the fact that he said yes now sinking in as you step over towards the entrance and slide your card so that the doors will open. Joshua chuckles at the obvious embarrassment on your face when the doors finally open and you gesture towards the inside of the lobby.

“Let’s go up.” You say with a tight smile, and the blonde nods his head, following after you as the doors shut behind the both of you.

The way to your apartment is rather quiet, except for the quiet chuckles Joshua lets out whenever he glances at you and you having to elbow him in the stomach.

When you finally unlock your door and the two of you step inside, you suddenly realize all of your medication that you have to hide. You turn to face Joshua as he slips off his shoes and steps into the pair of slippers you have for guests, and his beautiful eyes land on you, signaling that you have his attention.

“You can go and sit on the couch, I just need to tidy up a bit.” The blonde nods his head, watching as you scurry off to your bedroom, shutting the door behind you. He lets out a breath, before walking over towards the couch, gaze travelling around your cozy apartment.

His eyes latch onto a framed photo on the table next to the couch, and he carefully picks it up, feeling warmth flood his chest at the sight.

You’re standing underneath a fully bloomed cherry blossom tree, a bright smile on your face as you look at the camera. Your arms are lifted up towards the sky in excitement, a habit of yours that Joshua has noticed in the month that he’s known you.

He gently places the photo back down onto the table when he hears your bedroom door open, and he looks over to see you now dressed in a set of strawberry pajamas. The sight is so precious to behold that Joshua lets out a soft smile, and your eyes widen when you see it.

He smiled. This is the first time you’ve seen him smile.

“Are my pajamas funny to you?” You squeak out in an attempt to not make him uncomfortable by mentioning his smile. Holding back from slapping yourself at your strange tone, you just watch as Joshua nods his head, an emotion akin to warmth flooding his beautiful eyes as he stares at you.

“I expected nothing less from you, yn.” Joshua responds softly, and you find no sign of teasing in his voice. You cough into your shoulder, breaking the eye contact as soon as you feel heat rush up to your face. Reaching out towards the remote, you turn on the TV and point towards the couch.

“Go sit and choose a movie, I’ll go and get us some snacks.” You tell the blonde, and he plops down onto the worn out sofa as you walk into your kitchen. His eyes trail after you for a moment, before he turns back to the TV and starts scrolling through your Netflix.

You come back a few minutes later with snacks in hand, just to smile at the movie he chose. Joshua glances towards you, quietly thanking you for the snacks as you settle down beside him, making sure to place a bit of distance between the two of you.

“Have you watched this?” Joshua asks as he takes a bite of popcorn, and you nod your head, turning to him with a grin. “A Silent Voice is one of my favorite movies.”

Joshua’s mouth drops open into an ‘o’ shape, before suggesting if you want to choose another movie. You shake your head, instead grabbing the remote from the table and pressing play.

“You chose it, so we’re going to watch it.” You mumble, leaning back into the couch and taking a sip of your water. The blonde’s eyes linger on you as the opening of the movie plays, wondering how one person could be so kind, so bright.

You feel Joshua’s eyes on you. You know that he’s staring at you.

But you know that your heart would just go feral and your face would turn warm if you look back. So you blindly reach out towards him with your hand, turning his head to face the TV instead. You retract your hand afterwards, a small smile on your face as you notice Joshua shaking his head in disbelief at your actions.

“Watch the movie.” You mutter, warmth flooding your cheeks as you try to appear indifferent. The blonde takes another bite of popcorn before turning back towards the TV, trying to suppress his chuckles.

The two of you watch the movie in silence, except to offer each other snacks or to shit on one of the characters you each dislike.

It’s nice. Joshua thinks to himself at one point, turning to glance at you when you giggle at a specific scene. He looks back at the TV, biting back a small smile from forming on his face, This is nice.

When the movie hits the 45 minute mark, Joshua finds that you haven’t been taking any sips of your water or stealing some pieces of his popcorn. He’s about to comment on one of the characters when he feels a weight slump onto his shoulder.

“Yn?” Joshua asks quietly, turning his head to look down at you. Your eyes are closed, mouth slightly open as you release puffs of air. He lets out a smile when he realizes you fell asleep, reaching out and patting your head softly.

“Silly.” He mumbles, before taking a glance at the clock and sees that it’s already midnight. The blonde carefully grabs the remote that sits on the table and turns off the TV, before moving the snacks and drinks off the couch to the best of his ability as he tries not to wake you up.

Once he’s done with that, he carefully settles you down onto the cushions so that you’re laying comfortably. He takes the throw blanket from the back of the couch and lays it over your body. Letting out a breath once he’s finished, he grins at the angelic expression on your face as you sleep peacefully.

“I’ll see you later, yn.” Joshua says softly, before turning around to walk towards your door.

Except for the hand that grasps onto his own, preventing him from taking another step.

He slowly turns to glance down at you, seeing you with your eyes still closed, hand holding onto his. Joshua makes a move to carefully release the grip you have on him, but freezes when you say in a soft voice,

“Stay.”

Joshua stares at you, unsure of what to do as you continue to hold his hand.

“You don’t want me to stay, yn.” Joshua mutters, an indecipherable feeling flooding him when your grip on his hand tightens a bit.

“Stay with me, Joshua.”

And so he does.

He scoots you over on the couch, wondering whether or not he’s gonna fall to his inevitable doom during the middle of the night as the two of you can hardly fit on the small surface. Carefully, he lays onto his back, staring up at your ceiling as silence fills the room, the fuzzy throw blanket covering you both.

You turn over so that you’re facing him, and your hand falls onto his stomach. The blonde just listens to the sound of your steady breathing, wondering how you fell asleep so fast as he feels himself beginning to become drowsy. After a few minutes, his eyes softly fall shut, breathing now matching your own.

Joshua finds that sleep comes easier tonight.

You’re seated on the bench, waiting for Joshua to arrive as you stare at the date on your phone.

february 17, 2021

Letting out a breath at the harsh reality check, you tap your shoe against the pavement, turning off your phone to look out towards the road.

You have a month and a half left.

“When did time move so fast? Whenever I was in the hospital it moved so slow.” You mutter, a sad smile gracing your features as you look around at all the people walking past you. Turning your head, you suddenly lock eyes with those deerlike eyes you’ve come to know.

Your once sad smile turns into one of pure joy as you stand up from the bench, waving your hands excitedly as Joshua walks over to you. The blonde reaches out and pats your head in greeting once he’s a foot away, and you chuckle in response, ignoring the fact that your heart rate is a bit faster now.

“How were classes?” You ask as the two of you begin walking towards the cat café. Joshua mentioned in passing a week ago that he wanted to go to a cat café, so you set up a reservation for the two of you.

The blonde purses his lips, realizing that he’s been enjoying attending classes a bit more as of recently. You gaze at him expectantly, grinning when Joshua simply just nods his head and looks back at you. “It was alright. I was excited thinking about the cat café though, so I’ll probably have to add some stuff to my notes later.”

“I expected you to be more of a dog person, if I’m being honest.” You state, and Joshua looks back towards the front, letting out a small grin.

“I am.”

“Then what are we doing going to a cat café that I made reservations for a week prior?”

The blonde shrugs his shoulders, turning to you with mirth filling his pretty eyes. He motions towards your phone, and you raise an eyebrow, raising it up so that the two of you can see it as it unlocks. Your mouth drops open when you see your homescreen, the photo of you and your old friend’s cat that was taken a couple years back, and all the pieces suddenly come together.

“Joshua! Did you only say you wanted to go to a cat café because you knew I liked cats? That ruins the whole purpose of this-”

Joshua cuts you off by simply holding open the door to the cat café, and you blink in a state of stunned silence, having not realized that the two of you have already arrived. He chuckles, “I’m a dog person, but that doesn’t mean I don’t like cats. I’ve always wanted to go to one, so hurry up and go in.”

Pursing your lips, you walk into the café, but not without poking the middle of Joshua’s stomach as you do so, letting out a satisfied grin at the sound of his quiet squeak. Your mouth immediately drops open when a black and white cat snuggles up to your legs, and you kneel down, petting the soft fur as you let out inaudible excited sounds.

Joshua lets the door close behind him, the sound of the bells attached to the door letting out a little ring throughout the café. He glances down, seeing you happily petting the cats before the two of you have even ordered.

“Yn, I’ll go order for us.” Joshua tells you, and you simply nod your head without a verbal response, still softly squealing as more cats walk up to you. The blonde lets out a breath, shaking his head with the hint of a smile on his face as he heads over to the register to place your guys’ order.

You regretfully stand up from the floor, hoping the cats will follow you as you walk over to the table you reserved. You sit down in the booth, watching as Joshua converses with the employee as he orders the food and drinks.

Resting your chin on the palm of your hand, you smile fondly when Joshua glances around to find you. Your heart warms when his eyes finally land on you, a grin forming on his face as he walks over to you.

“There was a cat laying on the table behind the employee at the register. He was so cute, I hope he comes over to our table.” Joshua tells you as soon as he sits down into the seat across from you, placing the receipt onto the wooden surface. You open your mouth to respond, only to let out a quiet squeal when a cat jumps onto the empty space beside you.

“Hi pretty!” You greet, sparkles in your eyes as the cat nuzzles against your hand, asking for more pets. Joshua smiles at the sight, unlocking his phone and taking a photo of you happily petting the tabby cat. The sound of the camera shutter catches your attention, and you turn to glance at the source, seeing Joshua smiling fondly down at his phone screen.

“Did you take a photo of me playing with the beautiful cat?” You ask with a teasing grin on your face, not expecting an answer from the pretty man. You stroke the cat’s head fondly, only for your hand to stutter when Joshua says,

“You looked cute.”

A brief moment of silence passes between you, with Joshua staring at his phone, and you listening to your heart beat against your ears as warmth floods your face. Your brain tries to formulate a response, but it can only form inaudible screeching noises. So instead, you turn your head to glance at the blonde, only for your eyes to widen when you see a fluffy grey cat trying to get his attention.

“Joshua!”

“What?” He asks, looking up at you when he hears the urgency in your tone. You point towards the cat sitting patiently beside his chair, and Joshua furrows his eyebrows in confusion, turning to where you pointed, only for his eyes to widen when he locks eyes with the cat.

“You followed me from the register!” Joshua exclaims in a soft voice, reaching down to pick up the cat. You let out a bright smile as Joshua coos at the precious animal, petting the cat softly as his eyes sparkle with joy.

“Yn, this is the cat I wanted to show you.” He tells you, letting out a soft chuckle when the cat nuzzles his head into Joshua’s chest. You nod your head, about to respond when the waitress walks up to your guys’ table and begins to place your order down onto the surface.

“Thank you so much!” You say, and the waitress gives you a smile, bowing her head in response. She makes a move to leave, only to stop when she sees you and Joshua continue to play with the cats that stayed near you both.

“Would you like me to take a photo of the two of you?” You and Joshua pause, both turning to glance at the waitress as she stands by your table, a knowing smile on her face.

You and Joshua don’t have a single photo together in the month and a half that you’ve known each other. You’re not sure how he feels about his photo being taken, as he’s usually the one behind the camera rather than in front of it when the two of you are together.

Taking a peek at Joshua to see his reaction, you notice the indecipherable look on his face, and that’s how you know his answer. You give the waitress a small smile, moving to open your mouth when you see Joshua’s hand outstretched towards her through your peripheral vision.

You turn your head to look at him, only to see that he’s giving her a grin, phone in hand as he nods his head. “That’d be nice, thank you.”

Joshua lifts up the cat in his lap and stands up from his chair, taking a step forward and sitting down in the booth beside you. You continue to stare at him in silence, the slight shock evident on your features when he finally turns to glance at you. He gives you a soft smile, before pointing towards the waitress preparing to take your guys’ photo.

“Say cheese!” She says, but you continue to stare at Joshua, watching as he smiles at the camera, raising the cat’s paw as if he’s saying hello. Warmth floods your heart as you turn towards the camera, a bright smile on your face as you hold up your cat’s paw as well, matching Joshua’s pose.

As you lay in bed hours later, you turn your head towards your bedside table when you hear the vibration of your phone. Reaching out, you pick up the cool metal, seeing a few messages from Joshua.

joshushushu: [attachment 4 images]

thank you for taking me to the cat café :3

i think you’re some sort of cat whisperer based on how many cats came up to our table lol

it’s late, so you’re probably asleep

i’ll text you in the morning ^^

sweet dreams, yn

You tap on the images Joshua sent, and you let out a smile when you see the first photo is of you smiling happily down at the tabby cat, softly petting her head. Downloading the image, your thumb swipes across the screen, and you feel warmth flood your face at the fact that it’s the photo of the two of you. Except you’re not staring at the camera.

You’re staring at Joshua.

There’s a fond smile on your face, eyes sparkling brightly at him as he smiles at the camera, seemingly having no idea of the fact that you’re staring at him rather than the camera. Biting the inside of your cheek, you download the image and swipe to the left, now seeing the photo of both you and Joshua smiling at the camera, a cat paw in hand as you each make them wave for the photo.

You download the photo before swiping to the left one more time, and your breath hitches when you lay eyes on the image.

You’re laughing happily down at the tabby cat who was protesting the grabbing of the paws for the photo, not paying attention to posing anymore. While Joshua is now staring at you, the softest of smiles on his face as he watches you laugh with the cat.

You let out a shaky breath, zooming into the photo and seeing that he really is looking at you.

He’s looking at you as if you’re the most precious thing in the world.

You download the image, a small smile on your face as you go to your settings and replace the homescreen you’ve had for the last two years, exiting the app to now see the photo of you and Joshua as your wallpaper. The warmth from the photo covers you like a blanket, and you turn off your phone, placing it back down onto your bedside table.

You roll over onto your side and close your eyes, ignoring the harsh reality check that’s looming in the back of your mind in order to try and retain that happy feeling.

You fall asleep with lingering thoughts of pretty cats and Joshua Hong’s smile.

“Thank you, have a good rest of your day.” Joshua says warmly as he hands the to-go bag to the customer. She gives him a smile, reaching into her pocket to take out ₩15,000 and place it onto the table. The blonde’s eyes widen slightly, and he looks back up at her in a stunned silence, as if to ask if she really means it.

The woman nods her head, “You deserve it. Thank you for the food.”

Joshua watches as she leaves the restaurant, still shocked as he watches her figure disappear out the door. He glances back down at the ₩15,000, reaching out and picking it up from the counter, eyeing the money for a moment.

“I’ve been working here for six months.” Joshua mutters quietly, taking the ₩15,000 and placing it into his apron. He lets out a grateful smile, grabbing the spray bottle and towel to go and clean some tables.

It was the first tip he’s ever received.

“See you on Friday!” Joshua calls out as he pushes back the curtain to exit the kitchen, only to stop and turn back when he hears his boss call out to him. The older man walks over to Joshua, grinning and resting a hand on the blonde’s shoulder.

“I just wanted to tell you that you look great lately.” Joshua raises an eyebrow, wondering what could’ve changed. He does a onceover of his own appearance, and his boss lets out a laugh, shaking his head.

“I mean you in general. You look happier, brighter even. I’m happy for you.” Joshua blinks in surprise, before letting out a small smile. He bows his head as his thanks, and his boss pats his shoulder once more and turns around to walk back towards his office.

Joshua lets out a breath, before closing the curtain behind him and walking over towards the exit. He tilts his head, “How does a person look happy?”

He pushes open the doors and moves to step out from under the cover, only to pause when he registers the rain falling onto the road. He sighs, glancing down at his empty hands, cursing himself for not bringing an umbrella.

“Guess I have to sprint-”

“Joshua!” The blonde’s eyebrows furrow at the voice, and he looks up, seeing you hurrying over with a bright yellow umbrella. It’s a stark contrast to the rather gloomy atmosphere and all the black umbrellas around you. His heart rate picks up at the sight of your smile, watching as you make your way over until you’re standing a couple feet away from him.

“How’d you know I forgot my umbrella?” Joshua asks teasingly as you hand him the yellow umbrella, taking it from your grasp and holding it over the two of you as you begin to walk down the sidewalk.

“Had an intuition.” You answer with a grin, and he rolls his eyes. The two of you update each other on how your days were, chuckles exchanged as you explain how you made the best kimchi fried rice of your life.

“You should make it for me sometime.” Joshua says, and you peek at him, smiling and nodding your head.

“Of course, Joshua.”

The two of you fall into a comfortable silence, walking close beside each other in order to fit under your small umbrella. It’s when you’re close to Joshua’s apartment, and the streets are relatively quiet, that Joshua glances over and notices your hand sticking out of the umbrella. He watches in silence as you let the rain hit your skin, moving your hand as if it were a wave in the ocean.

“Your hand is getting wet.” Joshua points out, and you pause, turning to him as warmth rushes to your face at the fact that he caught you. You give him a bashful smile, nodding your head as you let your arm fall back to your side. “Yeah.”

“Why?” You notice that he looks genuine, there’s no teasing tone in his voice, no mirth in his gaze as he stares at you. He just wants to know why you were letting your own arm get wet. You break the eye contact, looking down at the ground as the two of you continue to walk.

“I just realized I’ve never played in the rain before.”

Joshua stares at you for a moment longer, having not seen you so shy about something you wanted to do before. He lets out a breath, turning away as he reaches up and closes the yellow umbrella, promptly removing the shield that had been protecting the two of you from the rain.

Your eyes widen as you feel the rain hit you, and you turn your head, seeing Joshua place your umbrella down on the sidewalk. He looks back towards you, raising an eyebrow when he sees the shocked expression on your face.

Joshua simply just closes his eyes and tilts his head up towards the sky, outstretching his arms as he feels the rain soak his clothes. That’s all you need to see for a smile to finally form on your face, and you let out a laugh, raising your arms into the air and spinning around.

Joshua opens his eyes when he hears your laugh, and he looks over at you—only to feel his breath get taken away. The rain falls softly from the sky, landing on you as you laugh happily, a bright smile on your face. Time seems to slow down as he stares at you, heart stuttering in his chest as he watches you spin around, pure joy radiating from your features.

He’s reminded of the first time the two of you met on the Banpo bridge almost two months ago, when you told him that life was beautiful and he didn’t understand how you could see it that way.

“I wish I could see it like you do.” Joshua mutters, and you look over at him, finding that he’s still staring up at the sky. His breath is visible due to the cold temperatures, and you watch as he lets out a sigh. He turns towards you, giving you a heartbreaking smile, “Life hasn’t been kind to me.”

As Joshua watches you dance in the rain, he realizes that he finally understands what you mean.

Life is beautiful.

You lay in bed, still shivering even after having taken a hot shower as soon as you finished dancing in the rain with Joshua a couple hours prior. With a shaking hand, you pull up the comforter closer to your chin, wondering when you’ve become so frail, weak you should say.

“At least Joshua hasn’t noticed anything.” You mumble, knowing that your time left is short as you’ve been feeling more tired as the days go by. Rolling over, you look out the window to try and get sleepy, seeing the moon staring back at you.

Your hand slips out of the covers, reaching out and grasping the air as you tried to reach for the moon. Letting your arm fall back onto the bed, you let out a breath.

You always wondered if you’d ever be able to reach the moon and the stars when you were younger.

“Yn?” Turning your head, you see Joshua standing by the door to his bedroom. His blonde hair falls softly over his forehead, almost hiding his pretty eyes from sight. You watch as he walks over, reaching out and resting his hand over your head when he notices you shivering.

“Do you want another blanket? You’re shivering.” Giving him a soft smile, you shake your head as you simply pull the comforter up more.

“Why are you still awake?” You ask, and he stares at you for a moment.

The corner of his lips quirk upwards, “I should be asking you the same thing.”

“Touché.”

Joshua chuckles, patting your head fondly before pointing back towards the bedroom door. You peek through the doorway, seeing his dark living room. “I’ll go back to the couch. I just wanted to check on you.”

It’s when he’s about to leave that you reach out and grasp his wrist softly, promptly stopping him from taking another step. He turns to look back at you, seeing the same shy look on your face that he saw earlier.

He’s reminded of the night where the two of you slept on the couch a few weeks prior, having experienced this exact scenario before.

“Mm?” You bite the inside of your cheek, not wanting to respond. Instead, you weakly pull him towards you, and he takes a few steps towards your bedside.

The two of you stare at each other for a moment in silence, numerous questions flooding your guys’ brain as you do so. However, you can only bring yourself to mutter out one word.

“Stay.”

Joshua’s stare doesn’t waver, and you feel yourself growing more embarrassed the longer you wait for his response. You fully believe that he’s going to say no with the way he doesn’t hold your hand in return, and your belief comes true when he lets your hand fall back to the bed.

It shouldn’t hurt. You know that you shouldn’t have gotten attached to him, or let him become so close to you.

You’re going to die anyways.

Joshua turning down your request is for the best. It means there are still barriers between the two of you, that the last time you woke up with his arms wrapped around you was just a moment of weakness. That it won’t happen again.

The regret pools in your heart as you watch him turn and walk away, and you wonder whether or not you should apologize for even asking him in the first place.

Only for your eyes to widen when you see him walk to the other side of the bed, pulling up the comforter and climbing in. He arranges his pillows, before laying down and turning over onto his side, now facing you.

You stare at him in shock, and he squints at you in amusement. The blonde reaches out and pokes your forehead, snapping you out of your surprised state. He chuckles, “You asked me to stay, so I’m staying.”

A smile finally makes its way onto your face, and Joshua lets out a breath at the sight. The moonlight rests over you, illuminating your features beautifully, even in his dark bedroom. He feels himself smile back at you, eyes softening with fondness as he stares at you.

You tentatively reach your hand out, trying your best to hide the shakiness to it as you let it rest on Joshua’s cheek. He doesn’t seem unphased from the touch, he just continues to stare into your eyes as the look on your face softens.

“You look best when you’re happy.” You say quietly, and the blonde doesn’t respond. You watch as tears slowly fill his eyes, and your eyebrows furrow. You’ve never seen Joshua cry, not once in the time you’ve known him. Unexpectedly, Joshua’s hand comes out from under the covers and rests over yours, encompassing your cold hand in warmth.

“I want to be a better person for you.” Joshua mutters, blinking away the tears as he tries to look at anything else in his room. You shake your head, your own heart breaking within your chest at how vulnerable he looks. You swipe away the tears from under his eye, and his eyes flit back to you, watching as a soft smile forms on your face.

“You… you have always been more than enough, Joshua.”

The blonde lets out a breath at your response, before his eyes softly fall shut. Your heart is warm within your chest as you let your eyes linger on him for a moment longer, his hand still resting over your own as he tries to fall asleep.

Your gaze trails over back towards the window, seeing how bright the moon and millions of stars are in the dark sky.

You may not have reached the moon and the stars like you originally wanted.

You look back towards Joshua, content washing over you when you listen to his steady breathing, seeing that he’s already fast asleep. You remove yours and Joshua’s hand from his cheek, letting it rest onto the mattress. A smile escapes you when you feel his hand tighten softly around yours in his sleep. After a moment, your eyes slowly fall shut with Joshua being the one to keep you warm, hand holding your own as the two of you fall asleep facing each other.

But you’ve reached the sun, and that’s more than enough.

You stare at your medicine, wondering if you should even take it when you don’t have much time left. Shaking your head, you let out an aggravated sigh, taking out the pill and dry-swallowing it.

You immediately regret dry-swallowing the large pill as you grab your glass of water, taking a large gulp to try and swallow it properly. Letting out a cough, you walk over to your fridge, not even feeling hungry as you stare at the food in it.

march 18, 2021

It’s been two months.

Your time is running out.

You’re about to grab a small container of yogurt when you hear your phone go off, and you glance over to see the screen lit up. Closing your fridge door, you walk back over to the counter and pick up your phone, a grin immediately forming on your face when you see that Joshua texted you.

joshushushu: be ready at 8 later, i’ll come pick you up !

you: so you’re the one planning now, huh?

since when were you coming for my career

joshushushu: you’re just jealous cause i’m better at it

you: take that BACK.

joshushushu: see you at 8 <3

you: JOSHUA

You chuckle, turning off your phone and looking back towards your refrigerator. Letting out a sigh, you walk over and take out the yogurt, grabbing a spoon and dipping into the snack. You quietly eat the yogurt as you walk over to your living room window, staring out at the city.

The skies are blue, a contrast to the cloudy days Seoul had for the last couple of weeks. Your eyes follow the birds that fly past your window, watching as they get smaller and smaller the farther they go. You let out a sigh, taking another spoonful of yogurt.

“What a beautiful day.”

“Are you okay?” You turn your head to glance at Joshua, seeing the look of concern on his face as he looks at you. Giving him a smile, you nod your head, reaching up and rubbing the back of your neck as you look out the window of the bus.

“I’m okay, just tired.” The feeling of Joshua’s eyes on your side profile remains, and you hope that he doesn’t question it anymore. The blonde simply smiles, patting the top of your head fondly. “You can sleep, yn. I’ll wake you up when we get there.”

You bite the inside of your cheek at his kindness, and nod in response. You rest your head against the window and close your eyes, ignoring the rumbling from the bumpy road.

A few minutes pass of Joshua scrolling through his phone when he sees your head moving out of the corner of his eye. He looks at you, seeing your head bumping against the window whenever the bus drives over a pothole in the road, somehow still fast asleep.

Joshua reaches out and softly grasps your head, pulling you over so that you’re now resting on his shoulder. He stares at your sleeping face for a moment longer, finding that you look at peace as you sleep.

“Pretty.” Joshua mutters, before looking out towards the window for the rest of the way.

It’s only half an hour later when you feel a hand gently shaking your shoulder, and Joshua’s soft voice telling you to wake up. Groggily, you open your eyes and sit up in the seat, scratching your head. You turn and look up to find Joshua standing up from the bus seat, throwing his bag over his shoulder. He lets out a giggle at how sleepy you look, “Come on. We’re here.”

Turning towards the window, you see the Han River glimmering back at you. Raising an eyebrow, you stand up from the seat and look at Joshua, who’s just giving you a close-lipped smile. He extends his hand out towards you, and you stare at it.

After a moment, you reach out, feeling his warm hand encompass your cold one. He grins, giving your hand a squeeze before turning and guiding you off the bus. The two of you walk in silence as he leads you towards the top of a hill, but it soon becomes hard to breathe.

“J-Joshua.” You wheeze out, and the blonde pauses, turning to see you doubled over.

“Are you okay? Do you want to take a break here?” You don’t respond, instead trying to catch your breath as you hold onto Joshua’s hand like a lifeline. His eyebrows furrow, and he squats so that he can look into your eyes, watching as you begin to breathe properly again.

“Yn.”

“Mm?”

“We gotta work on your endurance.” Joshua jokes, and you let out a laugh, reaching out and slapping his shoulder as you stand up straight. He giggles, feeling relieved that you’ve caught your breath. He gives your hand a squeeze when he gets up from his squatting position, and you look at him. “Ready?”

You nod your head, squeezing his hand in return, “Ready.”

Joshua smiles, leading you towards the top of the hill once again. He makes sure to keep glancing back at you and even slows his pace as a means for you to not get exhausted again.

When the two of you finally reach the top of the hill, he lets go of your hand, and you pout at the loss of warmth. You’re about to ask why he brought you here, only to stop when you see him unzip his bag, pulling out a picnic blanket and laying it onto the cold grass.

“A picnic? At 9 pm?” You ask, only for Joshua not to respond as he just slips off his shoes and lays down onto the checkered blanket. You smile in amusement, tilting your head as you wonder what he’s doing.

Joshua lets out an exasperated sigh, reaching out and patting the empty space beside him on the blanket. Pursing your lips, you slowly slip off your sneakers and climb onto the blanket, carefully laying on your back. Your head is turned to him, and you’re about to ask what now? Only for Joshua to gently grasp your chin, turning you away until you look up towards the sky and-

Wow.

The millions of stars are shining brighter than you’ve ever seen. It was as if someone gathered a handful of sparkles and scattered them across the wide expanse of the dark sky, bringing light to unappreciative eyes.

Joshua turns his head to see your reaction, and he smiles at the bright look to your eyes, your mouth being dropped open slightly in awe.

He knew of your fascination with the sky ever since the two of you met on Banpo bridge. From the way your eyes sparkled at the sight of the moonlight reflecting across the river, to the content smile that would make its way onto your face whenever you’d look up towards the moon.

And so, whenever he would finish his evening classes at university, he’d take the bus to different parks and look for the spot that had the best sight of the sky at night.

Joshua wanted you to be able to reach the stars.

“Do you like it?” You turn towards the pretty blonde, seeing the slight apprehension on his face in fear that you won’t be happy with his surprise for you. You watch as it melts away from the sight of your bright smile, and a breath of relief escapes him.

“I love it.”

The two of you turn back towards the sky, pointing at different constellations and talking about which star shines the brightest among the millions you can see. You let out a laugh when Joshua mistakenly points out lights from a plane as a shooting star, and he rolls his eyes, but the fond smile on his face tells you that he’s anything but annoyed.

The two of you fall into a comfortable silence afterwards, just appreciating the beautiful sky. You feel warm, even though you’re in this cold weather, you somehow feel warm just by being with Joshua. The bright stars shine down at you, and you slowly raise your arm up to the sky.

Joshua’s eyes follow your hand, watching as it grasps at the air. His gaze trails down to your face, seeing you stare up at the stars with an indecipherable emotion in your eyes. He turns away, and your arm falls back down to your side.

“What’s something you want to do with me?” Joshua asks, breaking the comfortable silence. You purse your lips, finding the question hard as you wonder how you could even answer this.

You want to do everything with him.

You want to go to a karaoke place with him, go bowling, go to an amusement park and eat all the festival food. Watch a movie, play in the snow and build a snowman. Go to the beach and make sand castles, go grocery shopping, visit him at work. Go to uni with him, go on a walk, talk about your day, make him kimchi fried rice. Everything.

You want to do everything with Joshua.

Letting out a shaky breath, your eyes trail over to the trees down the hill, lined up on the sides of the pathway. You stare at the unbloomed buds, already seeing the beautiful flowers in the back of your mind that you know you won’t be here in time to see.

“Cherry blossoms.” You utter, and the blonde turns to you.

“Hm?”

“I want to see the cherry blossoms with you.” Joshua lets out an, ah, a smile forming on his face at the thought of seeing the beautiful pink flowers with you. He looks back up towards the stars, “Cherry blossoms were always my favorite flower.”

You listen to Joshua’s soft voice, holding onto every word as you stare down at the unbloomed trees. The blonde lets out a breathless chuckle. “April was my favorite month because that’s when the cherry blossoms would bloom, but I stopped being excited for them a couple years back.”

Joshua grins, heart growing warm in his chest when he thinks of you spinning around excitedly underneath the cherry blossom trees, the pink petals softly falling around you.

“But I’m excited to see them with you, yn.”

Your heart wavers in your chest at Joshua’s sweet words, and you clench your fist at your side. Tears fill your eyes as you look away from the unbloomed cherry blossom trees, gaze trailing back up towards the stars. A tear escapes your left eye as you choke out,

“I’m excited to see them with you too, Joshua.”

Laying in bed, you stare up at the ceiling tiredly, having lost almost all your energy a week ago. You roll over and look at your phone, watching as the screen lights up.

march 23, 2021

You let out a shaky breath, knowing that you should admit yourself to the hospital within a few days. However,

You open up your messaging app, tapping on your conversation with Joshua.

you: joshuaaa

be ready at 2 ! i prepared a fun day for us :)

joshushushu: does it involve you paying for our meal?

you: capitalism is the root of all evil.

but yes. yes it does.

joshushushu: okay epic, i’m in.

i’ll see you later ^^

you: see you <3

Turning off your phone, you take in a deep breath, before slowly climbing out of bed. The exhaustion weighs over you like a blanket, but you push yourself to make it to the bathroom to shower.

You need to get ready to spend one last day with Joshua.

Sitting on the bench at the bus stop, you stare down at your sneakers as you wait for the pretty blonde to show up. It took you a while to get to the bus stop, as you felt even more exhausted by the time you stepped out of your apartment complex. You took your medicine and attempted to eat some food, but to no avail.

The sunlight that was once shining down onto you suddenly disappears as you were thinking to yourself, and you look up to see Joshua grinning down at you.

“What did you plan for today? Grocery shopping?” He asks, and you roll your eyes, standing up when you notice the bus heading your way. Nudging his shoulder, you answer, “No, something better than restocking my food and cleaning supplies.”

Joshua lets out a mock gasp, making you giggle as the two of you climb onto the bus. You sit down in the window seat, the pretty man following soon after and continuing what he was saying.

“Better than following you around the grocery store while pushing a cart for an hour? No such thing.” You laugh, slapping his leg and shaking your head at him. He grins, reaching up and patting the top of your head fondly.

“I’m kidding. Doing anything with you brightens my day either way.” Joshua confesses, and you freeze slightly, before regaining your composure. Giving him a tight smile, you turn and glance out the window, watching as the world passes by. Cars filled with people going to wherever it is they’re going, people waiting on the crosswalks to cross the street, children screaming and playing on the playgrounds.

The world is roaring with life.

“I’m happy for them.” You whisper, before closing your eyes.

“Yn, you shouldn’t have.” Joshua says when you lead him towards the entrance of a dog café. You grin, shrugging your shoulders as you muster enough strength to pull open the door. “You’re a dog person. I am simply returning the favor.”

The blonde chuckles, stepping into the café with you following after him. You reach up and hold your bicep, lightly rubbing the area as it feels a bit strained. Your arm immediately falls back to your side when Joshua stops and turns to glance at you, wondering why you’re behind him.

He lets out a fond smile, reaching his hand out towards you. “Come on, let’s go see the dogs.”

Your eyes slowly trail down to his hand, warm and inviting. A stark contrast to what yours have become, cold and lonely. You look back up at Joshua’s face, seeing him tilt his head at you, waiting for you to grasp his hand.

He watches as an indecipherable emotion passes your eyes, before you let out a smile and walk up to him, intertwining your fingers with his. He grins, and the two of you walk further into the café, only to be greeted by a golden retriever.

Your eyes widen in surprise at the beautiful dog, and you’re about to bend down to pet it—only to stop once the sound of Joshua’s happy laugh rings in your ears. You turn to look at him, finding him patting the dog’s head with a bright smile on his face.

“Come on puppy, yn and I have to go order our food.” Joshua says softly, before leading you towards the register. You let out a happy squeal when you see all the other dogs roaming around the tables, feeling excited to play with all of them.

You and Joshua tell the employee what you’d both like to order as a few dogs come to stand beside the two of you. When you’re told the price, you reach into your bag with your free hand to pull out your wallet, only for your mouth to drop open when you see Joshua already handing the employee his card.

“Joshua! I wanted to pay for us.” You whine, and he simply squeezes your hand with an accomplished grin on his face. He thanks the employee once he’s handed back his card along with the receipt, before turning to face you.

“You’re just too slow~” Joshua teases, and you squint. You open your mouth to start complaining more, only to pause when you hear the employee’s voice ring out.

“Sorry to interrupt, but if you’d like, we have a photobooth that you both could go take pictures in.” They tell you with a shy smile, pointing towards the back of the café where the photobooth is, and your eyes brighten at the idea.

“Thank you so much!” You say, before pulling Joshua in the direction of the photobooth, your free hand already holding your wallet so that you can pay for it.

“Yn-” You immediately shove your card into the reader when the two of you step into the small box, closing the black curtain. The blonde chuckles at your determination, and you smile as you pull out your card once the payment is accepted.

“How should we pose?” Joshua asks, and you shrug as you watch the timer start to count down.

“You just gotta feel it.”

“That’s not helpful at all.”

“Just follow my lead.” You say with a laugh, and he grins in amusement, turning back towards the screen. The two of you lean your heads closer to each other, and you wink while Joshua simply smiles as the first photo is captured.

This continues for the next three photos, with the two of you laughing and doing different poses for the photostrip. You both climb out of the small box, waiting for the two photostrips to be printed as you talk about how silly you each must look.

“Ah, they’re printed.” You say once the two photostrips fall out, and you grab them both. You hand one to Joshua, and you hear him let out a small giggle.

You stare at the photostrip quietly, gauging the photos. Warmth floods your chest at the third panel in particular, and you let out a breath.

This was when the two of you missed the countdown as you were both facing each other and laughing. Joshua’s eyes are bright and filled with warmth, a smile on his face as he looks at you in the photo. Then there’s you, mid-laugh, nothing but joy over your features.

“Wow.” You breathe out, and Joshua chuckles at your reaction, nudging you with his shoulder. You blink, looking away from the photostrip and redirecting your attention towards the blonde. “Mm?”

He points towards the table in the corner, where quite a few dogs are resting around. “Let’s go sit there.”

You bite back a laugh, knowing exactly why he wants to sit at that exact spot. Nodding your head, you grin when you see his features brighten, and the two of you walk towards the table. The dogs perk up at your guys’ arrival, almost all of them going around Joshua as the two of you sit across from each other.

“So cute!” Joshua exclaims, a big smile on his face when the golden retriever from earlier rests its paws on Joshua’s chair, licking his face excitedly. The corners of your lips quirk up, and you take out your phone, opening the camera app.

You watch as Joshua grins, petting the golden retriever to try and calm them down as they continue to attempt to lick his face. Tilting your head, you take the photo right as Joshua breaks out into laughter.

You lower the phone from your face when Joshua turns towards you from the sound of the camera shutter, and he lets out a grin when his gaze trails over to your left hand side.

“So busy ogling me that you didn’t even notice the cute puppy waiting for your attention.” Your eyebrows furrow at Joshua’s sentence, and you turn your head to the left, expecting nothing, only for your eyes to widen when you see the precious corgi sitting beside you in the booth, tail wagging as they stare at you.

“Oh my God. Hi baby!” You coo, reaching out and finally giving the attention the corgi had been wanting from you. The corgi licks your wrist, and you giggle, petting their back as you turn to shoot a glare towards the blonde. He raises an eyebrow at the squint to your eyes, and he tilts his head in question.

“I was not ogling you!” You exclaim, and Joshua lets out an angelic laugh that makes your heart do a somersault within your chest. A sheepish smile forms on your face, destroying the “angry” persona you were trying to put on.

“Yeah, yeah. Tell it to the judge.”

“Joshua!” You laugh, and he laughs along with you.

Your guys’ laughter rings throughout the café for the rest of the afternoon, pure happiness exuding from the two of you.

“Oh sikhye, how you never fail me.” You say lovingly to the drink in your hand. Joshua simply chuckles at your antics, taking a sip of his own sikhye as the two of you walk on the sidewalk towards the bridge.

“Thank you for taking me to the dog café, I had a lot of fun.” Joshua tells you, and you nod your head, a smile forming on your face when you remember how many dogs had been around your table.

“You’re like a dog magnet, while I’m a cat magnet.” You point out, and the blonde purses his lips in thought, before nodding his head in agreement. “That makes sense.”

The two of you fall into a comfortable silence as you make your way onto the bridge, the sounds of the cars driving past you both filling the quiet.

“I feel like you could be a catboy, though.” Joshua accidentally snorts his sikhye at your abrupt comment, and you burst out into laughter as he doubles over, coughing up the drink. Patting his back, you wait for him to calm down as he slowly stands back up to his full height, taking deep breaths.

“A catboy?”

“I cannot believe me calling you a catboy made you snort your drink.” You say, the corners of your mouth twitching as you try to hold back from smiling. The blonde catches this though, and he reaches out and pinches your cheek.

“Hey!”

Joshua smiles at your reaction, feeling satisfied that he got his payback after you made him snort his rice drink. He’s about to ask why you think he’s a catboy when he notices you walking up to the railing of the bridge.

You rest your hand onto the cold railing, staring out at the sight laid before you. The skies are painted in various shades of pink, blue, and purple. The sun is setting in the distance, the dark orange reflecting off the Han River, making the water glimmer.

“It’s…”

“Beautiful.” Joshua finishes, and you turn to him, seeing the sparkle to his eyes as he stares at the scenery. You’re reminded of the cold January night where you met him over two months ago.

His eye bags are practically gone and the hunch to his shoulders are now replaced with confidence. His features are glowing, looking healthy in comparison to before, but it’s his eyes that have changed the most. His eyes no longer appear exhausted as he turns to look at you, now replaced with something along the lines of content.

“We met on this bridge over two months ago.” You state, and Joshua doesn’t respond. He looks back out towards the water, resting his forearms onto the railing as the thought of that night comes to mind. You follow suit, taking a sip of your sikhye as the two of you stare at the scenery in silence, the memories the two of you made over the last two months playing in your head.

“You know when I said I couldn’t see life as something beautiful? And that it wasn’t kind to me?” Joshua asks after a moment, and you nod your head, the memory fresh in your mind.

He lets out a breath, “Two months ago, life was so hard for me that I couldn’t even think of trying anymore. So I didn’t understand what you meant when you said that life was beautiful.”

Your hand squeezes the railing, but you don’t turn to look at Joshua. You know that he wouldn’t want you to look at him as he addresses what he didn’t want to even mention for the last two months.

Joshua glances at you, the sunset no longer capturing his attention. A small smile escapes him as he stares at you, heart warm within his chest.

“I understand what you mean now.” You turn to look at him, immediately locking eyes with the ethereal man. The small smile on his face turns into a full one when he stares into your bright eyes, feeling happy just by being with you.

Joshua turns away, looking back out towards the sunset. Your heart swells with warmth and heartbreak when you hear him say,

“Life is beautiful.”

You don’t respond right away as you struggle to hold back the tears from escaping. Your eyes remain on the scenery laid before you, doing your best to control your breathing as you watch the sun set below the city.

Letting out a breath, you feel Joshua turn to look at you with his soft eyes.

Joshua’s happy, so you’re happy.

You turn your body towards Joshua and give him a tight smile as you raise your arms into the air. The blonde grins, reaching out and taking the sikhye from your hand when he notices some of its contents spill onto the pavement from your gesture. You giggle at your clumsiness, and he just shakes his head.

“What would you do without me?” Joshua asks with a smile, and you shrug your shoulders, turning and beginning to walk in the direction of the bus stop. He tilts his head at you, and he watches as you turn and glance at him with a smile.

“I wouldn’t be as happy as I am now!” You answer, turning away before you get the chance to see Joshua’s reaction. Swallowing the lump in your throat, you swing your arms as you walk, suddenly wishing you had your sikhye in your hand.

The sound of running footsteps makes you glance back, only to let out a loud laugh when Joshua’s arm suddenly wraps around your shoulders, the sound of his giggles ringing in your ear. He holds out the drink in your direction, and you grin, taking it from his grasp.

As you take a sip of the sweet rice drink, you let out a sigh. You take a peek at Joshua, finding the hint of a smile on his face as he drinks his own beverage in his other hand. He notices your eyes on him, and he looks at you, a warm expression forming on his face. He leans in and gently nudges your head with his, before turning back towards the front.

It’s as if all the sadness, anger, and pain melts away from the fond gesture. A shy smile breaks out onto your face as you turn away, letting out a sigh of content.

“Ah, what a beautiful day.”

Joshua glances down at his phone while he waits in the elevator as it goes up to the eighth floor, the floor in which your apartment resides.

april 6, 2021

You haven’t contacted Joshua since the day the two of you went to the dog café, let alone open his texts. He’s been texting you everyday and even calling you to try and get a response, but to no avail.

So he finally decided to go visit your apartment to check in on you and ask what happened.

As the elevator doors open, Joshua steps out and walks down the hallway. Once he turns left to enter the other hall, his eyebrows furrow when he notices the man standing in front of your door. He walks up to the man, who glances up towards the blonde when he catches sight of him through the corner of his eye.

“Do you know yn?” Joshua asks once he’s a few feet away from the older man. The gentleman nods, holding up his ID card, “I’m their landlord.”

Joshua almost lets out a breath of relief, finally having met someone who could possibly know where you’ve been. The blonde points towards your apartment door, “Yn hasn’t contacted me in like, two weeks. Do you know if they’re home or if they went somewhere-”

“You don’t know?” Your landlord asks, and Joshua pauses. A feeling of dread runs down his spine when he sees the look of pity appear in the older man’s eyes when Joshua shakes his head, no.

The dread soon turns into regret when the landlord informs him of the information he hadn’t known for the last three months.

“Are you comfortable?” The nurse asks as she replaces your tube. You give her a weak smile, glancing out the window and staring at the birds flying past it as you answer, “As comfortable as I can be.”

Once the nurse finishes cleaning you up, she bows in your direction and steps out of the room. You let out a breath, eyes trailing down to your phone. You press your finger to the screen, and the photo of Joshua that you took at the dog café shines back at you.

A soft smile escapes you when you see how brightly he’s laughing, the sound of his joyful laughs still ringing in your ear as if he was here with you. The brief moment of happiness you feel turns into one of guilt when you’re reminded of all the messages, missed calls, and voicemails he’s left you for the last two weeks.

It’s for the best, you remind yourself. You want him to be happy, and knowing that you’re on your literal deathbed would take that away from him.

You bite the inside of your cheek once you feel the tears rise to your eyes, and you let out an annoyed huff. In an attempt to make the wetness to your eyes disappear, you move to stare up at the ceiling, only to freeze when your gaze lands on the doorway.

“Joshua?”

The blonde is standing there, chest rising and falling as he stares at you, pain evident in his gaze. His eyes trail over your appearance, wondering how he didn’t see the signs from the beginning. From the times you told him you were having trouble sleeping, the loss of appetite, how easily exhausted you would become from simply laughing too hard in the recent weeks.

How could he not know?

“Yn.” Joshua breathes out, walking over to your bedside and sitting down in the chair. Feeling the tears flood your eyes, you look away from him, staring down at your hands in shame.

“How did you find out?” You ask in a quiet voice, knowing he’s going to hate you for not telling him. When you don’t hear his response, the tears escape your eyes, falling onto the hospital blanket.

“I’m so sorry Joshua.”

“I’m so selfish.” Your eyes widen slightly, and you look up from the blanket, only for your heart to break within your chest when you see the tears falling past Joshua’s eyes.

“I-I hated my life and I openly complained about it in front of you, but you were going through so much worse and you still saw the beauty in it.” Joshua mutters, his hands reaching up towards his face as he tries to wipe away his tears. “I’m so sorry, yn.” You feel a sob bubble up in your chest, and you shake your head at him.

“Don’t compare your struggles and pain to mine. Your struggles and your pain are valid. You have nothing to apologize for.” You tell him, vision becoming blurry as you reach out towards him with your hand. Joshua bites his bottom lip, before grasping your cold hand with his warm one.

“It’s not fair.” Joshua mutters, and you blink at him. His hand tightens gently around yours, and he looks up into your beautiful eyes that hold so much life in them.

The life you deserve to live.

“I-It’s not fair. You of all people deserve to live your life.” Joshua says, the anger and sadness heavy in his voice. You let out a small smile, squeezing his hand with as much energy you can muster. “Sometimes life isn’t fair.”

Joshua just scoffs at your positivity and you let out a weak giggle. His eyes soften from the sight of your smile, and he reaches out with his free hand, wiping away your tears with his thumb. You lean into the touch, and Joshua feels his heart stutter in his chest.

“Can you stay with me?” You ask, looking up into his deerlike eyes. Warmth floods the blonde’s face at how ethereal you are, feeling content when he still sees the sparkle in your eyes.

“Yeah, always.”

Joshua slips off of his shoes and scoots you over on the hospital bed. He climbs onto it and lays onto his back beside you. You rest your head onto his arm, turning onto your side so that you’re facing him, and close your eyes at the feeling of his fingers intertwining with yours.

“Thank you.” You mutter sleepily, and Joshua raises an eyebrow.

“For what?”

The memories of the last three months rewind in your head like a cassette tape, all the joy, laughter, sadness. All of it.

“For making my last three months worthwhile.”

Joshua sucks in a breath at your words, and he clenches his fist at his side. He’s filled with anger, sadness, so many different emotions as he turns his body to face you. He finds that you’re already fast asleep, small puffs of air leaving your lips, a reminder that you’re here.

You’re alive.

Holding back the tears from rising, Joshua closes his eyes and gently rests his forehead onto yours. He feels your breath hit his lips, and he finds that it’s the only thing that calms him down as he feels a wave of drowsiness hit him.

He soon falls asleep with the thought of you turning to face him on the bridge two weeks ago, with the bright smile on your face that he’s grown to love.

“Can I please take yn out of the hospital? They’re right at the entrance. It’s not like I’m taking yn to an amusement park.”

“No, Joshua.”

“But Dr. Park, please.” Joshua practically begs, following after your doctor as he tries to walk back to his office. The man doesn’t even spare the blonde another glance, already set on his answer.

It’s been a week since Joshua discovered the truth of your illness, and he’s visited every single day. Even if he had classes or a shift at work, he’d immediately take the bus to the hospital right after to come and see you.

He knows your time is soon from how frail you’ve become, the exhaustion and pain evident on your face no matter how hard you try to hide it behind the smile you show him.

That’s why he’s desperate for Dr. Park to say yes.

“I’ll even have the nurse accompany us! Please, it won’t take long.” Joshua calls out, and he watches as Dr. Park’s shoulders slump as he lets out a sigh. The older man turns to glance at him, “Joshua…”

“Please, Dr. Park. Yn—” Joshua looks down at his shoes, swallowing the lump in his throat as he tries to muster up the courage to say the next words. “Yn doesn’t have much time left.”

Dr. Park stares at the blonde, knowing very well that your time is drawing near. He looks to his side, remembering what he told you the day you found out about your tragic fate.

“Eat whatever you want, do things you’ve always wanted to do. Live your life, yn.”

Dr. Park lets out a sigh, before turning back towards Joshua, who’s still staring down at the floor. He purses his lips, “Fine. You can take yn, but not for long. I’ll have their nurse accompany you.”

Joshua immediately lifts up his head, eyes bright as he nods his head frantically. He blurts out multiple thank yous, even bowing at least ten times before he heads back to your hospital room.

Dr. Park just lets out a sad smile as he watches the blonde disappear past the corner. Shaking his head, he glances down at his clipboard and heads towards his next patient.

You lay in the hospital bed, struggling to keep your eyes open as you wait for Joshua. Your gaze is glued towards the doorway, wondering when you’ll see those pretty deerlike eyes of his. Your eyelids feel heavy, and you feel sleep beginning to pull you in.

“Yn!” Your eyes slowly open at the angelic voice, and you find Joshua walking up to your hospital bed with an excited smile on his face. The corners of your lips tug upward, “Joshua, you look excited.”

“I have a surprise for you.” Your eyebrows furrow in suspicion, and he lets out a laugh. A sudden figure at your doorway catches your attention, and Joshua steps to the side so that you can see. You squint when you see your nurse standing there, a wheelchair in front of her as she gives you a smile.

“What are you planning?” You ask, eyes going back to the blonde. He shrugs his shoulders, reaching out and grasping your cold hand, giving it a squeeze.

“You’ll see.”

It takes about twenty minutes until you’re finally in the wheelchair, as you’re no longer able to walk on your own. It was hard, since Joshua had to help your nurse by carrying you and placing you into the seat. You kept apologizing for being a bother, but Joshua would always reply,

“You could never be a bother, yn.”

And now you’re being pushed through the halls. With your nurse holding onto the IV pole while Joshua pushes you. You can’t help but feel a bit of excitement run through your veins as the three of you slowly make your way out of the hospital, no matter how exhausted you are.

“What’s the surprise? Did you buy me a sikhye truck?”

“You think I’m rich?” Joshua counters, and you smile at his response. It’s when you’re closer to the automatic doors that you begin to feel your heartbeat faster, ecstatic to be able to smell the fresh air.

“Are you ready?” Joshua asks, leaning over to peek at your face. You let out a shaky breath, before nodding your head and giving him a thumbs up. “Of course.”

The blonde smiles, and starts pushing you towards the exit again, watching as the automatic doors open for the three of you. The sunlight shines down on you once you’re outside, and you suck in a deep breath of the fresh air, blinking your eyes to get used to the sudden light.

Once your eyes open again, you find Joshua standing before you, arms stretched up towards the sky. A pose that you always did when the two of you were together. You’re about to ask what he’s doing when a sudden flash of pink flies past your face. You turn your head, eyes following after it until it falls onto the ground next to dozens of others.

A cherry blossom petal.

You slowly look back towards Joshua, seeing the warm smile on his face as he stares at you. Your eyes trail upwards, and you let out a breath when you see the fully bloomed cherry blossom trees above you. The brilliant shades of pink and white are hanging above you, and you feel your heart swell.

A breeze blows past the trees, and you watch as the petals begin to fall around you and Joshua. The beautiful and delicate petals gently flow with the wind, as if they were pink snowflakes fluttering past you.

Opening up the palm of your hand, you watch as a precious petal falls directly into the middle of it. You let out a wet laugh, tears trailing down your cheeks as you look back up towards Joshua. He’s smiling back at you, eyes filled with tears of his own as the two of you stare at each other.

“I saw the cherry blossoms with you.” You say softly, and Joshua nods his head, a heartbreaking smile on his face. Biting your bottom lip, you close your fingers around the precious petal in your hand, blinking away the tears that keep flooding your eyes.

“Thank you, Joshua.” You mutter, and the blonde simply lets out a sigh, turning so that he’s facing the cherry blossom tree. You look up towards him, seeing the small smile on his face as he glances back at you.

“Consider it a gift, yn.”

You lay on your hospital bed, listening to Joshua tell you about the lecture he attended today. Your heart warms when you hear him let out a giggle when mentioning something his classmate said, and a small smile escapes you.

It’s been a few hours since you were brought back inside from seeing the cherry blossom trees, and Joshua’s stayed by your side the whole time. He didn’t even leave when you took a nap, just staying in the chair beside your bed doing his homework as he waited for you to wake up.

You know that your time is almost over as you feel your heartbeat slow while listening to Joshua, finding yourself growing more sleepy. Somehow, rather than being afraid, you feel content.

You’re happy.

You can see that Joshua knows it too, as he keeps talking to you about anything and everything, when you’d usually be the one to fill the silence.

“And that’s how—”

“Joshua?” The blonde looks up at the sound of your voice immediately, and his heart falls when he sees the smile on your face.

It’s different from all the ones before. It’s not bright, teasing, exciting, no.

It’s accepting.

“Y-Yeah?” Joshua asks, and you extend your hand towards him. He reaches out and grasps it, your hand fitting perfectly within his own.

“What’s the most beautiful thing about life?” You ask in a soft voice, staring into those deerlike eyes that seem to hold all the stars in the world.

You want to remember it.

You want to remember him.

Joshua bites the inside of his cheek at your question, looking down at your connected hands as he tries to think of his answer. You watch as his eyebrows furrow in thought, and you grin in amusement at how hard he’s thinking.

The thought of the arcade comes to mind, as the neon purple lights shone on your face as you turned to look at him with a bright smile.

The sunset, when you spun around with your arms in the air and danced along the grass as he took photos of you.

Going grocery shopping, when you were telling him a story with the softest of smiles on your face. Your eyes twinkled underneath the horrible fluorescent lights, and he wondered how you could possibly look so ethereal even with the bad lighting.

Your strawberry pajamas that you love so much.

Visiting the cat café, where your smile was the brightest and you were practically glowing from all the attention from the cats.

When it rained and you were laughing and spinning around as you let the raindrops fall onto you. Not a care in the world as you smiled brightly and extended your hand out towards him.

Going stargazing, except when he turned his head and looked into your eyes — he realized that you shined brighter than the millions of stars in the sky.

Joshua looks back towards you, seeing you waiting expectantly. His eyes trail over your features, from your beautiful eyes to your pretty lips that always hold a smile. He squeezes your hand softly as he finally answers,

“You.”

You blink at his answer, before a small smile breaks out onto your face. Looking away, you notice the full moon out the window, with the millions of stars surrounding it on this clear night. You let out a breath, feeling like they’re closer tonight.

“What about you? What’s the most beautiful thing about life?” Joshua asks, and he watches as your head slowly turns back towards him. You give him a grin and squeeze his hand with as much energy as you can muster, finding yourself getting lost in his bright eyes.

“You. The most beautiful thing about life is you, Joshua.”

Joshua smiles, but his heart hurts as his eyes pan to your vital signs monitor, seeing that your heart rate is slowing. He looks back at you, and he sucks in a deep breath when only one thought comes to mind.

There’s still so many things he wants to tell you, so many things he wants to do with you. However, as he stares into your eyes, he realizes there’s only one last thing you need to know.

“Yn?”

“Yeah, Joshua?” You respond, now struggling to keep your eyes open as you stare at him.

“I love you.”

You and Joshua stare at each other in silence for a moment, having finally aired out the truth that the two of you have kept hidden for the last three months. The truth that the both of you kept denying, for fear of the future. A bright smile forms on your face, and Joshua feels his heart stutter within his chest at the sight.

“I love you too, Joshua.”

He lets out a breath, swallowing the lump in his throat to try and appear strong for you. As Joshua stares at you, he realizes just how beautiful you are. Even though you’re frail and tired, your beauty is unmatched as he looks into your eyes.

And so, Joshua smiles back at you, and you feel warmth flood your body at the beauty of it.

You hope to remember his smile even in your next life.

Joshua hears your monitor begin to beep, signalling that your heart rate is dropping. He doesn’t look away from you, holding the eye contact between the two of you as your eyes slowly fall shut. The grip you had on his hand loosens, and he continues to stare at you as your nurse comes in once the sound of the flatline rings throughout the room.

Joshua stands up from the chair, heart thumping against his chest once your nurse turns off your monitor.

“Time of death: Tuesday, April 13th. At 8:13 PM.”

Silence fills the room as he leans down and presses a soft kiss to your temple, before pulling away and falling back into the chair. The smile that he showed you is now gone as he bites his bottom lip, trying to hold back the tears that threaten to fall as he stares at you, the smallest of smiles still remaining on your face.

Joshua looks down as a few tears escape, and he slowly rests his forehead onto your guys’ connected hands, sobs finally wracking through his body as he holds onto you.

The moon and the stars shine down onto the two of you through the hospital window. They illuminate the room as Joshua sobs against your hand, knowing that you were finally able to reach them.

You were finally able to reach the moon and the stars.

april 13, 2022

Joshua looks away from the calendar on the wall once he’s handed the bouquet of bright sunflowers. He smiles at the employee, giving them his thanks before he turns around and walks out of the store.

The sun shines down on him as he walks towards the columbarium, making his black hair appear a light brown underneath the light.

The sound of the birds chirping rings through his ears, and he smiles softly as he steps in through the entrance. He walks through the hall, before he finally stops, looking up and seeing your bright smile shining back at him.

Joshua lets out a grin at the sight, placing your sunflowers into the mini slot that holds the bouquets. A breath escapes him as he stares at the photos in your display, all of the photos capturing your beautiful smile. His eyes land on the last one, and he bites the inside of his cheek.

It’s the photostrip of the two of you from the day you both went to the dog café.

Joshua has the same photostrip on the back of his phone case, as a reminder of a beautiful day.

“Did you miss me?” Joshua asks you, knowing that he won’t receive a response. He smiles softly, looking down at his shoes.

“It’s been a year without you, and I still think of your bright smile everyday.” Joshua tells you, placing his hands into his pockets as he continues to stare at the floor. “I know you’re getting a kick out of hearing me say that, huh?”

Joshua stands there before you in silence for a moment, holding back the tears that threaten to flood his eyes. He lets out a shaky breath, before looking back up towards you with a smile and begins to update you on everything that’s happened since he last visited.

From the new job he got at an early learning center as a teacher, to the cat he visits at the shelter that reminds him of you, to his new friend Jeonghan who’s more mischievous than you could imagine, to the fried rice he made in the morning.

He tells you anything and everything until he can no longer think of anything else to say. Joshua lowers his head, wishing that he could hear a response.

“I miss you.” He mutters, the thought of your smile and contagious laugh coming to mind. There’s a dull ache in his heart that has remained since you passed, and he knows it will be there for a long time.

But as he lifts up his head to look at you and sees the photo of the both of you laughing, he knows he’ll be okay. You want him to be happy.

Joshua sucks in a deep breath, before reaching up and resting his hand over the glass.

“Thank you, yn. Thank you for teaching me how to live.”

Joshua gives you a genuine smile, before taking a step back from your locker.

“I’ll continue to live happily, so don’t worry about me. I’ll visit you again soon...” Joshua chuckles as he trails off, looking away as warmth floods his face at the thought of the next thing he wants to tell you. He lets out a breath, before smiling at you as he says,

“I love you.”

And with that, Joshua turns around and walks away with a lighter heart. He steps out of the columbarium and walks down the street, the thought of your smile and the sound of your laugh lingering in his mind.

He walks with his head down, hands in his pockets as he heads to the bus stop. It’s only when a pink petal floats past him that he pauses and finally looks up from the ground.

The fully bloomed cherry blossoms are a few feet from him, planted on the grass near the sidewalk, painting the pavement pink. He watches as a breeze blows past him, making hundreds of cherry blossom petals gently fall from the trees.

Joshua lets out a small smile at the sight, before looking up towards the blue sky. A content sigh escapes him as he watches a pretty white cloud float past him.

“What a beautiful day.”

853 notes · View notes

achillieus · 3 years

Text

we’re fools. (bucky barnes x reader)

summary: for all bucky barnes knows, he hates clichés. and this thing between you two, happens to be the biggest one.

(enemies to lovers trope or i watched the society on netflix recently and based this entirely on harry bingham and cassandra pressman)

pairing: college au!bucky x reader

warnings: alcohol, angst, too much tension, bucky and reader are stupid and in denial, sexual tension all around the place

tagging: @tonystankschild

(other parts) (masterlist)

part 2/3:

And then it’s the last week of February and you have an assignment together, you and Bucky, the boy with black hair and a mind that you’re certain is not as clever as he insists it is. You know this cannot possibly end well. You feel it when he sits beside you and his knee brushes past your leg. You feel it when you take a breath and smell his aftershave. Sandalwood and vanilla. It makes you want to lick your lips. Please, get a grip. You try to get away, even propose to write the whole thing alone so you wouldn’t have to spend any time around him. In your mind, you call it self defense. But Bucky’s boastful and you can see him pumping the muscles in his neck, trying to intimidate you.

“My dorm, tomorrow at 7,” he says “Don’t be late.”

(your late night instagram search history)

(00:38 AM) #literaturememes

(01:15 AM) @buckybrns

(01:30 AM) #newgirl

(01:50 AM) @buckybrns

(02:10 AM) @buckybrns

You find it annoying; how he’s present even when he’s not around.

The thing about Bucky Barnes is that everyone, boys and girls, adore him alike. He’s charming, he’s crafty, he’s brilliant. He’s everything they want him to be and even more. It nearly condones his megalomania.

The thing about Bucky Barnes is that he’s aware he has an audience. Always plans his moves, knows how to play his character perfectly. He wears dark designer jeans and plain Henley shirts, buttons open, fabric tight around his biceps. Sometimes even a black leather jacket and a tag necklace. Girls are intrigued by the bad-boy, straight A student contrast, while the boys are envious enough keep him close and invite him to all of their parties. Bucky gives them whatever they need.

The thing about Bucky Barnes is that he’s utterly lonely. He has never said so, but it’s the truest thing about him. He has Sam. But for how long? Bucky’s used to people going away. It has been imprinted on him. His best friend, Steve, left with his girlfriend in an exchange program last month and Natasha, the one girl he ever came close to loving, just started dating Clint Barton. Clint fucking Barton. What a downgrade.

And then there’s you, sitting at the end of his bed, playing with the ring in your finger, reading some neatly written lecture notes. Usually, Bucky would think about 129 cheeky comments he could make to a girl in his room. But not to you. Are you sure, Bucky? He has grown accustomed to disliking you. It’s the one constant he has left and he’s not planning on losing it.

He leans down and takes the place next to you, a bottle of beer dangling loosely in his hand.

He offers and you decline.

“We need to concentrate on the project.”

“You’re the biggest killjoy.” Bucky says with a hint of a smirk.

“I’m studying, Bucky.” He can see your left hand holding that dark green pen in a tight grip and your eyes trying to focus everywhere but on his face. He can see your hair glistening in the warm afternoon light that comes from his window. He can see the soft red blush on your cheeks and the beauty mark on your neck. What a tricky thing it is to see. And to feel. And to want.

Is that what dislike tastes like, Bucky?

He talks a lot, that’s the first thing you notice. He says all sorts of things, most of them having nothing to do with your project. You’re certain it’s because he’s feeling as uncomfortable and agitated as you. But still, it’s annoying as hell.

“Listen,” you say and turn to his side “I’m not going to fail this class just because you have the attention span of a two year old.”

A laugh escapes his lips and you watch, completely in awe, the way little wrinkles form around his eyes and his nose scrunches. Right now, he looks tender and warm. No, he doesn’t.

“I think we’re both pretty smart,” Bucky says nonchalant and wets his lower lip with his tongue, before he adds, “We’ve got this, so relax doll.”

There are rules, things that are solid, de facto.

Example 1: Bucky never praises you. At least not out loud.

Example 1: Not valid anymore.

Example 2: Bucky uses the word “doll” approximately ten times a day. To other girls. The girls he likes. Not to you.

That’s actually wrong, he called you doll the first time you met. That doesn’t count. He didn’t know you then.

Example 2: Not valid anymore.

It feels foreign. Pleasant and beguiling, but foreign.

“You always call girls “doll”. What is this?” You ask and he looks up. “Is it like your thing, your flirt move?”

Bucky meets your gaze, his forehead creased, and holds it for some seconds before he laughs again. Is this amusing him?

“No, I’m serious.” You bite your lip. “You even did it to me when we first met.”

“I did?”

Of course he doesn’t remember, what did you expect?

“Yeah, when you helped me find the admission office.”

“And you remember that, an entire year later?” He raises his eyebrows, looking entertained and partly interested.

Your mind empties and for some time you feel out of place, embarrassed. But you’re quick to recollect yourself. You can’t let him get you.

“It was my first day as a college student, I remember all of it.”

Liar. You don’t even remember who you sat next to.

Bucky smirks a little too long for your liking and then he leans in, his body bending in a way that makes you forget to breath. He’s so close and you only see blue, a rare kind of blue between the depths of the ocean and the brightest shade of the sky at noon. This would be so much easier if he wasn’t that handsome. Handsome and indomitable. What an awful combination.

“Interesting.” He whispers and lies back, touching the wall.

You tuck a piece of hair behind your ear and clear your throat.

“I should go, it’s obvious we’re not making any progress.” You pick your books and stand up. “Sometimes I wonder how you get all those perfect grades, you clearly-” You merely finish your sentence before he grabs your arm and swiftly, he has you pressed against his wooden bookcase. You don’t have time to blink.

What’s happening? He was sitting down a second ago.

“That day,” he says while his thumb draws circles on your wrist. “You were wearing a denim dress and some Saturn shaped earrings. And you were holding a cherry juice box.”

It’s utterly terrifying how your emotions toss and turn the moment you realize what he’s talking about and the fragile muscles of your heart ache because Bucky cares. Bucky remembers.

“It wasn’t my first day of college, but I remember.”

You want to throw up. Or kiss him. You’re not sure. You know you hate Bucky. Do you? You’ve taught yourself to. And it was never supposed to change. It shouldn’t have to.

You part your lips to say something, anything, but he shakes his head and steps back.

“You should go.”

And you do. And you’ll never tell him, but you’ll always regret not kissing him then. You’re sure now.

your inbox, the next morning

(10:25 AM) from [email protected]

I’m sending you our assignment. You only need to add a few things and it’s done. If anything else comes up, it’s better we work on our own.

For Bucky, it all came crashing down the moment he first saw you. It was all over the moment his eyes met yours. A gourmand perfume lingered in the air around you that day and it stained his pores. And it’s been with him since then. Clinging onto his flesh.

It’s partly obsessive and partly romantic and Bucky tries to keep it locked inside. He thinks he can make it go away easily, the way he flicks a crumb off his expensive cashmere scarf. He thinks if he doesn’t talk about it, it’ll be less true. That’s not how things work, Bucky.

Yeah, he’s starting to notice.

And he’s trying so hard to hate you. The problem is, he doesn’t think he can.

(his late night instagram search history)

(00:45 AM) #tomfordperfumes

(01:30 AM) @y/n

(01:50 AM) #funnycats

(02:15 AM) @y/n

(03:45 AM) @y/n

You make it your mission to avoid him and it’s going well until the fifth of March. You spot him at Sam Wilson’s party. You should have known he’d be here, they’re friends. There’s a thick cloud of cigarette smoke all around, but still, you can perfectly see him. He’s standing alone, his skin changing colors under the neon lights, a plastic cup in his hand, eyes crystal blue and swollen and fixated on you.

The room is small and everything feels known but unfamiliar at the same time; the atmosphere, his gaze, the lump on your throat.

They’re suffocating you, the looks you give each other.

“Buck, what do you want?” Sam asks, holding both vodka and gin and he observes the way Bucky merely turns his head to look at him.

What do you want Bucky?

Not to play a role anymore. For Steve to be back. Maybe, Natasha. No, he hasn’t thought about her in a month. Perhaps a Pulitzer Prize. Definitely a new pair of sunglasses. But there is one more answer he has behind his teeth.

Y/N, he almost says. Always.

“Vodka.”

He leaves before midnight and you can’t remember where the urge came from, yet you’re following him. You know he has noticed. But he just keeps walking until he reaches the door of his dorm and presses his back against it. He sees you and you see him and his eyes cut your heart open.

“Your place is on the other side of the building.”

“I know,” you mumble, “I just never got to say good job on the assignment and I wanted to.” You are unable to meet his eyes. You sound pitiful and you want to hit a wall; with your head.

Why the hell did you follow him here?

Because sometimes you do stupid things.

Bucky mockingly opens his mouth, as if shocked. It almost makes you groan.

“Did Miss high and mighty just comment something nice about me?”

“Why do you have to contradict everything I say?”

He shakes his head and you can feel your heart beat loud and irregular and it’s not because you’re mad. It’s because he’s coming closer, almost chest to chest now. And it’s because you can swear, he just glanced at your lips.

“Someone has to, you can’t act like you know everything all the time.”

“I don’t do that, you don’t know a thing about me Bucky.”

“Oh, but I do. You’re Y/N, you like plaid skirts and Homer and dark green pens. You expect everyone to be perfect. You expect yourself to be perfect. And you always want to do the right thing.”

His pupils are dilated. Yours must be too. Bucky Barnes is dangerous and fatal. He makes your blood coil and your mouth dry. And there’s a tension, almost pain, almost agony, deep in your lungs and it burns. And you don’t know who leaned in first, probably you because Bucky isn’t that brave yet, but suddenly your hands are everywhere. Your fingers blending in his hair, his digging in the skin on the back of your neck. He’s bringing you closer and it’s a mess and all you can hear is the beating of your heart; a rapid vibration between your ears. It’s pure and raw and it doesn’t hurt anymore.

He tastes like ambrosia and a year-old despair and you think you can go on forever. You eventually break apart because you both need to breath and for a second you worry because he looks like he’s ready to cry, but instead he smiles, softly touching your cheek.

“Did I do the right thing?” You whisper.

...

feedback is so appreciated and motivates me tons, thank you :)

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes #college au #bucky barnes imagine #au!bucky barnes #bucky barnes x you #sebastian stan #alternate universe #alternate universe bucky #sebastian stan imagine #sebastian stan x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #fools

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clevercatchphrase · 2 years

Text

2021 Year Review~

Sometimes I can’t stand the fact that time is constantly progressing forward. What do you mean Christmas was almost two weeks ago? Wasn’t it just yesterday? What do you mean it’s been a year since the coup happened?? Already??? I’m due for an oil change again? I’m due for a dentist appointment AGAIN?? Can... can time please just stop so I can catch my breath... so I can take a nap? I don’t like how recent-and-yet-spaced-out all these life events feel to me. It’s all moving too fast and I can’t keep up, please stop the ride I want to get off.

But sadly it doesn’t stop, so the most I can do is look back on the year, reflect on what I accomplished, and write down what I remember to keep my mental time line organized and sorted as more years pile on. I’m a little late in making this retrospective, but just like in years prior, I’ll start by looking back at my 2021 goals, go over them, then move on to my goals for 2022. Let’s begin...

I had 11 goals for this year. They were the following;

Read 12 new books (roughly 1 book a month)

Finish the first draft of 2019’s Nanowrimo project and rewrite it

Script TDV

Finish Scripting Ghost Switch

Build A Comic Buffer

Sew 1 Stuffed Animal

Finish 1 Song Comic

Make another Enamel Pin

Finish 2 short original comics (this one counts as 2 goals)

Finish the 5 remaining one-shot fics

Right of the bat I know I didn’t accomplish 6 of these 11 goals, which is a really bad ratio, but pretty much the same outcome as 2020 surprisingly enough. Now let’s dig a little deeper...

Read 12 new books: I did this! I read a lot of free books through the kindle app, and a few books that have been siting on my shelf for a couple of years now. In no particular order, the books I read this year were;

Ancient, Strange, and Lovely

The Griffin’s Feather

Dragon Slippers

Dragon Flight

Dragon Spear

The dangerous Gift

The Bastard Prince

The Black Egg

Eyrie

Skyfire

Shard of Sun

By the silverwind

The Junglebook

Rise of the Dragons

14 books again this year! That totally wasn’t planned. I wish I could say I had a fun time reading these books, but sadly, I only enjoyed about 6 of them. Ancient, Strange, and Lovely, by Susan Fletcher. It was the first book I read in 2021, and I absolutely hated it. The condescending enviornmentalist message, the weird teen-speak and “clipped” sentence structure, and bland characters. I hated the repetative use of the words “critter”, “sesmic” and “monster”. I hated the “new” words used, like “sleep-dep”, “skwebbing”, and “phaging.” At one point she used the word “grok”, and I had to put the book down and stare out of my window for a solid ten minutes. This book was written in 2010. How many people does miss fletcher think will understand that reference. Heck, I only understand it because I saw OSP’s video on A Stranger in a Strange Land this same year. (also does miss fletcher really think the word “fuck” is going to go out of style?? or is she just trying to be more pg?) the plot was a blatant rehash of her previous books, Dragon’s Milk, and Sign of the Dove. Infact, I had to go back and reread dragon’s milk just to make sure I still liked it, and I do, so it’s not like her writing was always bad and I just didn’t notice. This entire book reads like a college student’s shorthand lecture notes, and the only positive I can say is that my reading experience only went up hill after this, compartively. (but as I said I only enjoyed 6 of these books, that hill didn’t go up very high).

The next books I read were Dragon Slippers/Flight/Spear by Jessica Day Georce. I’d owned the first book for years (and read it years ago, too) but it was only fairly recently that I learned this book had two sequels. I had completely forgotten everything about the first book aside from stained glass, embroidery, and magic dragon hide slippers, so reading it again was like reading it blind. I read all three of these books in the span of 3 days during the february freeze down here in texas. Over all? This series is really good! Although, after reading the first book again, I can’t help but wonder why no one, especially Shardas, just doesn’t TELL the main character anything important. I can’t help but feel like a lot of strife would have been avoided if he just TOLD Creel the truth about the slippers upfront. Overall, again, It’s a nice series. The third book got a little weird and there was one scene that felt like a boarderline description of blackface, but if people complain there aren’t enough “Strong female protagonists who like girly things but also stand up forthemselves”, look no further than Creel. She ticks all those boxes, and it was refreshing to see a character enjoy dress making, and rescuing dragons at the same time. (Can’t for the life of me figure out why it’s called dragon spear, though. Spears were made, but never used, and the scene is so minor, I honestly feel like it could have been cut with no consequence)

The next book I read was The Dangerous Gift, by Tui T, Sutherland, which is the 4th book in the 3rd Wings of Fire Series, and 14th book overall. My general thoughts are... it was alright? No where near as action packed, or as thought provoking the previous three in this arc, but I didn’t think it was boring either. I don’t care for snowfall, and I felt her constant paranoia got repetative at points.I’m a little nervous how miss Sutherland is going to wrap up this arc with only one book left to go. Glad to see Sky and Wren back, though I half wish they didn’t get tied in to the “main series”. I can’t help but feel it shrinks the world if all the “main characters” know each other, if you know what I mean. it makes it feel like.... there’s only one epic story happing in the WoF world at one time, you know? I think it would have been neat if The dragonslayer storyline continued concurrently with the pantala storyline, because people all over the world are all doing interesting things at the same time, and if they never interacted or crossed paths with one another, then the world could branch and grow, instead of feeling... sequental? History is not a single chain of events, it’s a web of complex people with complex feelings and thoughts crashing and bumping into eachother, each changing the course of history a little bit at a time, but when all the “main characters” get together, it feels like the rest of the world is put on pause because it’s not allowed to do anything unique or epic if the fan favorites aren’t there to witness it. I also kinda sorta didn’t like the jerboa chapters. I think it would have been much more interesting as a standalone novel like Darkstalker, seeing Jerboa’s slow descent into a controlling, manipulative monster, and Boa’s slow realization of what’s happening to her. (I was half hoping we’d find more unique dragon races on Pantala, as well. You know that mountain-y area up in the “wing” of pantala? How come we never go there in the books. what’s up there. What if there’s a race of dragons who have feathery wings instead of bug/leaf/bat wings. They could be called Birdwings and I hope we see more unique draogn races in the future)

Rise of the Dragons by Morgan Rice was bad. I didn’t even know that Morgan Rice was apparently contentious in the Author World until I finished this book and did a little more research on her. The writing is juvenile, super repetative and straight up unedited. At one point the main character straight up says “Sorry I’m not like the other girls, father.” and I had to put the book down for a solid two days. It was a fun hate-read, though, and I will be reading the follow up books illegally for free later this year~

The Bastard Prince by Patty Jansen and The Black Egg by James E. Wisher are both books in a collection of 9 dragon-themed books all for free on kindle, called “Dragons and Lore”. I think each of these books are part of their own seperate series, but the first are bundled together for free for people to sample and get interested in. Unfortunately for me, it didn’t work! The Bastard Prince is a unique story about a 50 year old woman working for royalty, but my god. The dragon doesn’t come into the picture until the very end. This book feels like nothing but gossip and eavesdropping, and it was a slog to get through. The black egg was MILES better, and reminded me heavily of How To Train Your Dragon, strangely enough (mostly because of character descriptions). I almost wanted to read more, but when I learned that the series was 9 books long, I quit on the spot. The Black Egg WAS more dragon focused, but the dragons weren’t the main focus, and I didn’t want to read a 9 book series were draogns were on the sidelines most of the time. There are still 7 books left in this collection, but honestly, I was getting burnt out by this point.

Okay. So, I love all things dragon-themed, but by this point in the year, I was starting to get burnt out on them due to all the trash I had read. I thought to myself “you know... gryphons are a cool mythical creature, too. How come I don’t see any books about them?” A couple of years back I bought Song of the Summer King, by Jess E. Owen (fun fact, it was the first kindle book I ever “bought”, because I could get it for free with the kindle download) and I loved it! I loved the prose and description of the world. I had always known there were at least two sequels, and I read all of Skyfire, Shard of Sun, and By the Silverwind within two weeks of each other. Definately a good series over all, though I feel Shard of Sun is the weakest in my opinion. (aaand not too impressed by how the major conflict is resolved in the last book by teaching the Big Bad what “love” is) Still! after I’ve given myself a break from the series, I’d love to read the 5th companion novel, The Starward Light, later this year! I just don’t want to read it too soon, because I know it will be good, and if everything else I read this year is trash, I want to save something I know I will enjoy when I can’t stand all the garbage anymore.

Eyrie by K. Vale Nagle is another gryphon book, but it is subpar compared to the Summer King Chronicles. The writing is very flat, and at NO point do characters get physical descriptions or hints at their thougths or feelings. There were some unique worldbuilding ideas, but over all this book was just plain boring. It was free, though, so luckily it only wasted my time and not money.

The Griffin’s Feather is a relatively new book by Cornilea Funke, and you may recognize her name, because she has written beloved books such as The Theif Lord, Inkheart, Inkspell, and my favorite, Dragonrider. Dragonrider was first published in 2004, and then, 13 years later without me ever even knowing, she wrote a sequel. And that sequel had griffins! The book was slower paced than Dragonrider, and there was waaaay too much of Twigleg’s perspective with no payoff, imo. (He spent the whole book thinking about/looking for a jenglot, but never found any) I wish firedrake was in the book more, and Skrii, a newly introduced griffin character, needed WAY more screen time. Fun Fact, In refreshing my memory for this little review, I learned that Cornelia Funke wrote ANOTHER book in her now-dragonrider series called The Aurelia Curse, and it’s only been out a few months. Maybe I’ll check that out later this year~

The last book I read this year was the classsic The Jungle Book, by Rudyard Kipling. I’d read excerpts of it in the past, (mainly rikki tikki tavi) but never the whole thing. It was enjoyable~ The one story with the elephant dance and the little kid felt kinda racist at points, but over all I’m glad I read the original story and now know more than just what the disney movies could tell me. I’m going to read Just So Stories later this year since I had a good time with this one.

WOW I SURE SPENT A LOT OF TIME TALKING ABOUT THE BOOKS I READ. Are you still there? Still reading? Thank you! I really appreciate it! Let’s move on to my other goals, shall we?

Finish the first draft of my 2019 NaNoWriMo project and rewrite it: I didn’t do this. Just straight up. After reading so many bad books this year, I got angry, and started plotting a new story instead, about things I WANTED to read about with dragons and gryphons and unicorns. Infact, it became my nanowrimo project for 2021, and I’m still working on that and enjoying it immensely~

Script TDV: Another thing I didn’t do. Parly because I got sidetracked with a new writing projet, and partly because I worked full time this entire year, and on my 2 days off each week, I focused more on my UT fan comic and fantasy novel instead. As for this year? Nah, this project is on perminant pause until either my current writing prject or fan comic is completed. THen maybe I can go back to thinking about game development.

Finish Scripting Ghost Switch: heh hhhhehhhh.... I didn’t do this either. I got the majority of waterfall planned out! And you might even be pleased to know it won’t be anywhere near as long as snowdin is! (maybe.. hopefully. The flash backs might end up making it just as long if not longerrrr...) I’m almost done with it though! It’s like... 4/5ths figured out. Then it’s just the hotland and new home arcs, and I’ll be done!... with the scripting... the making of the pages will still take me several years to finish *sobs in comic artist*

Build a comic buffer: I did this! It only lasted me about 2 months while I worked on a song comic and wrote some one shots! I wish it had been bigger, but any buffer I make allows me to work on other projects now and then. I’m building another one right now as you read this! Hopefully to last me a a couple months again! (But MAN, I wish I was proficient enough where I could post 2 pages EVERY week. We’d get done so much faster that way!)

Sew 1 Stuffed Animal: I did not do this for the same reason as last year. Hello delta and omicron variants. Please fuck off so I can go to the craft store again.

Finish 1 Song Comic: I DID THIS TOO! But the song comic I finished was one I completely didn’t expect to even start this year! The song comic in question was Wanderer’s Lullaby for the video game, Wandersong. Check it out HERE if you haven’t seen it yet!

Make anther enamel pin: I Didnt do this! Mostly because I was no longer having a life crisis, and partly because, while I have made a few sales of my other pins, they don’t sell frequently enough for me to justify making even more, and building up stock I may never sell back. Maybe in the future, but for now this goal is on pause as well~

Finish 2 Short Original Comics: I scripted one, but stopped at that. I probably won’t be doing much art that isn’t related to my fan comic for the forseeable future. Gotta save all my art motivation for the story. (I also kinda completely forgot this was a goal of my tbh)

Finish 5 one-shots: I only finished 3 one shots, and 2 of those three weren’t even planned, if you can believe it. I even started 2 of the 4 one shots I had originally planned, but they just weren’t coming out the way I wanted to, so I scrapped them, and will try to rewrite them again this year when I feel more inspired. (but hey, at if I never finish the oneshots, then in theory, there’s always more story to look forward to, because I’ll never be “done” which means a weak, but still very possible promise of more content for this ship!)

Aaaaand, that’s all I have to say about my goals from last year! Do I have any goals for 2022? Absolutely! I’ll list them next, but probably wong’t go into much detail on them. I’ve been typing this thing for over 2 hours non stop now and I would like to go to bed.

GOALS FOR 2022

Read 12 New Books on anything (1 book a month)

Finish and rewrite my 2021 NaNoWriMo project

Finish chapters 4 thorugh 8 of/and edit Clemency (2020 NaNoWriMo project)

Finish scripting the Waterfall Arc of Ghost Switch (and then maybe the Hotland Arc, but not the whole thing. I just know I can’t get that far yet)

Build a Comic Buffer for Ghost Switch

Reach 208 Pages of Ghost Switch by June 18th

Finish 1 Song Comic

Finish 4 one shots

Find a sulfate-free bodywash and hand soap.

Write that one crack fic.

I’m really tired and it’s almost 11pm at the time of writing this, so I’m not gonna go in depth about my goals for this year. But before I sign off, I’d like to just recap my year based on what I remember. Ok? ok. Here we go.

FIRST OFF, the orical of Delphi thinks she’s reeeeeal fucking funny, hitting me with the baseball bat of prophecy last year. In my 2020 year review, which was posted on December 30th, one of the very last sentences I wrote was “why do I feel like shit is about to go down on inauguration day?” and then what happened exactly one wek later on January 6th 2021? HMMMM???? Coincedence? I! think! NOT!

Okay, now that that’s out of my system, I’d like to say that, for me, 2021 was the year of The GAMER! I bought... so many ps4 games and steam games. I’ve played so many new things that I now love and enjoy and reconnected with games I haven’t played in years. The Talos Principle, Untitled Goose Game, Wandersong, Hue, Abzu, and Unravel all for ps4, (as well as horizon zero dawn, and journey, which I haven’t played yet) Snakebird, the witness, typoman, chromagun, LINELIGHT, A short hike, carto, the first tree, and the ENTIRE humongous entertainment series of games for steam. I can honestly say I’ve played more games this year than I ever have in my life, and I’ve enjoyed every minute of every challenge.

I bought a lot of jigsaw puzzles this year, and have been doing them with my mom. we find we have to get the ones that are 2000 pieces or more or we just... finish them too fast. We’ve got puzzling down to a science, and they’re not really challenging when we can finish most puzzles in under 3 days.

In addition to all the books I read above, I also reread the entire first WoF arc as well as darkstalker. the whole process only took me 5 days. I’m rereading the second arc now, but it’s a slog because I forgot how much I disliked darkstalker in this arc for being stupid, and how little I cared for the second arc characters accept for peril.

Being an adult means trying new things. This year I decided to try to take better care of my hair, and I started by finding a new shampoo specifically for my hair texture and sensitivity. I found a really nice plant based shampoo that is sulfate free and it smells lovely. My scalp is slowly becoming less dry and itchy. Now I just need to do the same for body wash.

In a spur of nostalgia, I downloaded a Gameboy Color Emulator on my phone and have been replaying Pokemon yellow on it. I never beat the game as a kid because I was incompatent, but myabe this year I’ll try to nuzzelock it for shits and giggles.

There is a very hig probablity I contracted corona virus this year, and didn’t know it. I got my booster early december, and just last week there was a confirmed case of it at my job. I had an itchy throat for a few days, but no other symptoms. Thank you face masks and vaccines!

Speaking of my job, I’m starting to get tired of it. There’s this one guy there who’s 5 years my junior but talks to me like I don’t know shit and it’s incredibly condescending. He’s trying to become a supervisor, and will likely succeed because he is the Owner’s grandson and the nepotism is rampent there, even though he self admits he is not emotionally or mentally stable. I will quit the minute he is put in a position of power over me because I will not tolerate even a second of his obnoxious man-splaining attitude. I will be sad to go when the time comes, but only because I wouldn’t get to see them crash and burn without me and I want to watch them struggle.

Spite can be good sometimes actually. It’s helped me stand up for better treatment of myself and a great motivator to boot. So do your worst to me 2022. I’ve conquored these last 29 years, and will gladly wrench my third decade from your unforgiving jaws. Bring it on. I’m ready for you.

#new year's resolutions #year review #2021 review

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sapiowoman28 · 3 years

Text

Chaos Part 2: Cool? How?

Pairing: Haechan x Ally Noona

Genre: friends to lovers au, smut, fluff

Warning: Mentions of sex, but there’s no smut in this part.

Tags: @nctlover94

Note: pls read the rewritten part 1 first

Except for Renjun, they all woke up with hangovers the next day.

“Ha! You fools!” Renjun wriggled his finger judgingly at all of them looking miserable at 2pm in the afternoon, after their next door neighbour decided Saturday was the perfect day to drill stuff into his walls, waking all of them up.

“I can’t believe he’s still drilling!” Haechan whined. “I feel like my head is getting drilled!”

“Next time don’t drink so much!” Renjun nagged.

“What’s a party with no alcohol?” Jaemin pouted. “You need to get as much booze in your system to have the maximum amount of fun.”

“I don’t think having to watch Hendery and Lucas running naked across the lawn counts as fun.” Rejun huffed.

“Oh come on! I won $100 from Yang Yang for being able to convince them to do that in less than 10 minutes!” Haechan protested.

“Mark looked so traumatised,” Jaemin’s girlfriend chuckled as she attempted to stuff some pizza into her mouth.

“Not as traumatised as when he found me in his bed naked with a hot older woman,” Haechan wriggled his eyebrows.

Renjun slapped the back of his head.

“Ow!” Haechan shoved Renjun. “What the hell?”

“I don’t want to know the details, Haechan,” Renjun huffed.

“But I do!” Jaemin’s girlfriend grinned. Jaemin nodded and Renjun looked esaperatedly at them.

“Nothing happened. We had sex. We cuddled. Mark found us when he came to get his expensive bottle of whiskey and threw us out of his room.” Haechan shrugged. “Then she went to hang with her friends and Yang Yang and I thought of something fun to do. And that’s how you saw Lucas and Hendery naked.”

Renjun shook his head.

“Speaking of which, have you asked Yang Yang if he’d like to move in with us? We need to find someone for the spare room you know.” Jaemin said.

Haechan let out a dramatic sigh.

“He refuses to live in the same house as you!” he said dramatically, pointing to Jaemin’s girlfriend, who shrugged. It wasn’t surprising since she once dated Yang Yang but dumped him for Lucas. This was all before she dated Jaemin.

“I’m sure we’ll find someone.” Jaemin said.

“We might even have 2 empty rooms if Jeno keeps staying with his girlfriend.” Renjun sighed.

“If my girlfriend had a house like hers I’d stay there too instead of this junk of a place.” Haechan gesticulated to their crammed abode. “One day, I’ll make so much money, I’ll buy a house we ALL can stay in.”

The guys groaned, having heard this one too many times from Haechan.

“What? Don’t you want to become rich? There’d be so many things you can buy. The cars you could drive, the holidays you could go on...” Haechan defended himself.

“I don’t know about you. But I think you’re still high from the alcohol yesterday.” Jaemin said.

“Surprise!” Haechan said excitedly, uncovering Ally’s eyes.

She looked at the car before her, gleaming in the sunlight, looking all polished and new.

“Wow,” she said. “I didn’t know.”

“Didn’t know what?” he asked.

“That you raced.” she smiled looking at him.

“I don’t.”

“Then why do you need an expensive sports car?” she asked as they got into the car.

Haechan shrugged. “It’s cool i guess?”

“Cool? How? To whom?” she looked at him almost challengingly now.

For once, Haechan had no answers.

“Cool to me.” he finally said as he started the engine. “I want to be proud of what I drive.”

“But you’re still a student. How are you going to pay the car loans?” she asked, increasingly concerned.

“I got some money from investing.”

She almost heaved a sigh of relief. “So the car is fully paid?”

“I got enough for the downpayment and 3 months of instalments.”

She turned to him in shock.

“Haechan! You have to return this car! You can’t afford it!”

“But I’ll lose the down payment!” he whined.

“You can’t afford it!” she repeated, frowning. This date was sure taking a wrong turn.

“I’ll figure something out.”

“Like what?”

“Noona, trust me!” he pouted. She turned to look out the window, in a bit to be more measured with her words. He started to panic slightly. This wasn’t going well.

“You’re upset.” he said, softly.

“I’m not.” she said, equally gently, turning to look at him.. “I’m just… really disappointed.”

He was silent, focussing on the road, taking a right turn into the lane that would bring them to the beach. He really didn’t know what to say.

“Listen.” he finally said. “If you’ve changed your mind about getting to know me, I can understand. I can drop you off back home…”

She sighed, covering his mouth.

“Are you always this dramatic? I still want to know you even though you clearly have no clue what you’re doing with your money.”

He relaxed, wriggling his eyebrows. “You can’t resist this handsome face, can you?”

She burst out laughing.

They watched the sunset together. She made him feel relaxed. She asked him about college, about his family, about his life. He told her as much as he could. Occasionally she dropped little nuggets of information about herself, and he couldn’t believe how much in common they had. The strict upbringing. The rules they had to adhere to as children of religious parents.. The fun they had secretly with their friends. Their lives now.

“I don’t want to be an ordinary person,” Haechan said. “I want to be someone different. Someone people look up to.”

She chuckled.

“What about you, Noona?”

“I just want to live.” she said rather cryptically. He wanted to ask her what she meant, but her phone rang.

“My housemate forgot her house keys.” she said. “I need to go back.”

“Will you go out with me again?”

“I would like that.” she said, smiling. “I want to know everything about you.”

“The funny thing is,” he said, as he touched her cheek. “I feel as if I’ve known you forever.”

The news that Haechan and Ally were dating spread like wildfire, mostly because Haechan insisted on clinging on to her like a love sick puppy. Well, he was mostly there by her side to tease her, but it was also obvious that he had a huge crush on her. And because she was older than him some people found it entertaining to talk about.it. Yang Yang even started taking bets on how long it’d be before Ally would get sick of Haechan’s nonsense and start avoiding him.

“The thing is,” Jeno’s girlfriend May said. “They’re kind of cute together.”

“Oh come on! Haechan has the attention span of a 5 year old!” Renjun huffed. “I’m worried about her getting hurt.”

“I think you should worry about Haechan first. The thing with that car. What was he thinking?” Jeno shook his head. “Someone needs to talk some sense into him.”

“You know,” Jaemin grinned. “I think we found the right person to speak to him.”

They watched as Ally came into the cafeteria with Haechan in tow, teasing her about something she wasn’t very amused about. She glared at him and he smiled sweetly at her, before crushing her in an embrace.

“I feel so sorry for her.” Jeno muttered.

“Me too.” Renjun agreed.

“You guys don’t know what you’re talking about! I see a match made in heaven right there,” May said, clapping her hands.

She was working on her final year project when he visited her in the art studio. She looked happy to see him and got up immediately to plant a kiss on his cheek, since her coursemates had taken a break to go get some snacks and she was alone in the studio for the next 20 minutes at least.

Haechan looked at the painting she was working on. This was just a trial, to see if what she planned would come out good. If it worked, she was going to start on her piece next week.

“It’s beautiful,” he gasped.

“Thanks. I might make some tweaks.” she said, accessing her own work with a critical eye. “I don’t think it’s good enough.”

“What’s good enough?” he asked, clearly not agreeing with her.

She had no answers for him.

“I just feel...it’s not great.” she explained. “I pale in comparison with some of the rest.”

“Noona, what you feel isn’t necessarily reality. You keep saying you’re not good at art. In fact, you said it 3 times in the week I’ve known you. But I know a lot of people like Renjun who think you’re really talented.”

“Haechan…” she sighed. “You don’t understand.”

“What don’t I understand?” Haechan asked.

“I need to keep striving for perfection or I’ll never improve.” she said. “And I really need to do well enough for post grad.”

“Maybe there is a different way to strive for excellence.” he shrugged. “I have to go now. I have a lecture. Think about it, ok?”

She nodded her head, watching him leave after planting a kiss on her forehead. Perhaps he was right. Perhaps she needed a new perspective on things. The past year had been a struggle. She never told anyone. And she was surprised Haechen noticed within a week..

When she first saw him across the room at the party, she could tell he was a smart and lively guy, and despite his initial awkwardness, he was turning out who she expected him to be, perhaps even more. Ok, his choice in automobiles was downright stupid. But beyond that, he was a sharp guy, and that made her more and more attracted to him. He noticed little things about her that she herself didn’t even notice, and the way he looked at her when they sometimes had their serious heart to hearts made her melt.

She just hoped she was able to challenge him to think of looking at things differently like how he was challenging her. She was very sure they were in each other’s lives for a reason, and she was excited to see where things would go.

#lee haechan smut #haechan smut #nct haechan smut #lee donghyuck smut #donghyuck smut #nct dream smut #nct smut #nct dream imagines #nct jaemin #nct jeno #nct renjun #wayv lucas #wayv hendery #wayv yangyang

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asian-hero · 4 years

Note

Can i ask for an emergency bnha request? Maybe main 3 with an S/O who’s hiding their grief (lost my grandma and 2 tios in a month) and she doesn’t want to seem weak or burden so she just shuts down during the day and breaks down at night in the dorm, until something reminds her of them so she starts tearing up during class and the boys confront her after?

A/N: I am sorry for your loss. If you need anyone to talk to, know that I’ll be here for you. I can’t imagine how you feel, but I do know that sometimes, letting things out is the best way to deal with your feelings. So please, don’t lock away your feelings, I promise that things will get better

Midoriya Izuku

If anyone could read you like an open book, it’d be Izuku. Not because you’re an extremely open person who wears their heart on their sleeve, but simply because he cares about you so much that he’s taken the time to learn about you, and now knows you like the back of his hand

So, when you walk into class one morning, he notices immediately that something is off. Not only do you not smile as you walk in, but you also don’t make any move to go and talk to your friends, instead opting to just sit at your desk. Your behavior worries him, at the very least, but he doesn’t ask you what’s wrong, as by the time he’s made up his mind, Aizawa is already taken his spot behind the lecture podium, telling them all to pay attention

Later, when he asks you if you’re alright, you simply shrug him off, telling him that you’re fine, you just don’t feel like talking to anyone at the moment

That immediately puts him into panic mode. There’s probably a million thoughts rushing through his mind, wondering whether he was being too annoying, if there was something that he’d done to make you upset, if there was anything important that he missed. It honestly throws him into a loop, and for the rest of the day, he tries to figure out why you you seem so different

Izuku is always a ball of anxiety, always overthinking, overanalyzing, and your relationship wasn’t exempt from this. He always wondered whether or not he was a good boyfriend, if he was enough for you. So, when you started slowly pulling away, he couldn’t help but think the worst. He almost automatically assumed that you were tired of him, or, even worse, he had somehow messed up along the way, and made you upset without even knowing

While he was going on several different tangents, you were holed up in your room, doing your best to conceal your sobs. In just one month, the world had taken three family members away from you. Every day you’d do your best to maintain a calm facade, not allowing anyone to see you at your worst moment

Since you didn’t want to bother anyone with your issues, you kept them close to your heart. In the daytime you’d keep to yourself, focusing solely on your work, though you didn’t really get much done. In the night, you would cry yourself to sleep, doing your best to keep your sobs as silent as possible. However, once you were finally asleep, you’d dream of those who you lost, and then wake up in a cold sweat, tears streaming down your face, and soon enough, the cycle would start over. It was safe to say that you didn’t get much sleep anymore

Your lack of sleep didn’t go unnoticed by Izuku. Once he saw the seemingly permanent dark circles under your eyes, it threw him into an even greater panic. Why weren’t you sleeping? Was it because of the upcoming midterms? Stress of being a hero in training? What was it? He desperately wanted to reach out to you and comfort you, but his fear of being rejected stopped him

Eventually, though, when you started tearing up in class, looking as if you were about to lose it, Izuku finally steeled his nerves and gently asked what was wrong

At first, you tried to deny that there was anything wrong, it was just simply the stress of school catching up to you. However, after a few more minutes of his gentle pressing, you finally caved, no longer able to hold back your tears. As soon as they left your eyes, Izuku panicked. He tried to reassure you that everything was alright, that he was sorry for pushing too much

In all honesty, he probably cried with you as well, since he’s a sympathetic crier

So, the two of you were just sitting in the middle of class, your classmates long gone, just sobbing as you held each other close, almost as though the other would disappear if you let go. After a few more minutes of tearful sobs, you finally told him what was going on, how you lost some of your family in such a short amount of time

Though he’s never really had anyone important to him die, and he may not be able to understand what you’re going through, he lets you know that he’ll be there for you if you need anything. He wants you to know that he cares for you, and that he’ll do anything to make you feel better

When you tell him that you didn’t want to be a burden, Izuku immediately rejects that idea. To him, you’re one of the most important people in his life, and he doesn’t know what he’d do without you, so it hurts him a little that you feel as if your issues would be a burden to him. He reassures you that you’ll never be a burden to him, and that he wants to be there for you, even if it’s your worst day

All he wants is for you to feel better, and he’ll be there every step of the way

Bakugou Katsuki

It’s widely known that Katsuki isn’t the best when it comes to comfort, and he’s even worse when it comes to people showing weakness

However, just because he has poor comfort skills, it doesn’t mean that he isn’t observant. So, when he sees you start to pull away, you better believe that this boy is both confused as hell and angry

It starts off with the little things, with you being rather silent in class, not speaking unless spoken to. Then, he starts to notice how you don’t bother hanging out with your friends anymore, and even the time that you spend with him is either cut short, or you don’t really say anything at all. He would also notice that you’ve lost the life behind your eyes, and, while you try and pretend that everything’s fine, he notices how devoid of emotion you look, how absolutely empty you are

When he first tries to ask you about it, albeit in a rather forceful manner, you shrug him off, saying that you’ve just had an off day, that you’ll be good tomorrow

Slowly, tomorrow turns into the next day, and the day after that, and soon enough it’s been three weeks and Katsuki’s had enough

While he’s angrily brewing in the corner, you’re crying in your dorm room, wanting nothing more than to just go home, where you can be with your family

It was a rather dark month for your family. Three family members had died in the same month, and you truly couldn’t believe it. It was almost like someone had ripped a part of your heart out, and you couldn’t get it back. Since it was such a short span of time, all of your grief had built up, and every single night you found yourself buried in your blankets, face first in your pillow, sobbing your heart out. You tried to be as quiet as possible, as you didn’t want people to pity you, or for them to think that you’re weak. You were in a heroes course after all, and death was a part of the job, so you felt that you couldn’t allow yourself to be vulnerable, not when you’d have to face death on a regular basis

So, you steeled your heart, and every day you would pretend that nothing was going on. Whenever someone would ask if you were alright, you’d just shrug them off, not sure if your words would fail you. You made sure that you did good enough in school to not cause suspicion, and you mostly stayed away from everyone else. Not because you didn’t care for them, but because you didn’t want them to catch on to your ruse

However, when the night came, and everyone was fast asleep in their rooms, you found yourself sitting in the dark, sobbing as you replayed your final memories with your departed relatives. You kept thinking back to the last time you hung out with them, thinking about what you said, what you didn’t say, and how you desperately wished that you could tell them you loved them once more. You wondered if they knew how much you loved them, if they knew how much you missed them

One day, on a particularly bad one, you found yourself sitting quietly in class, minding your own business when you stared out the window of class 1-A. Watching as some kids were still heading into the building, you couldn’t help but replay the memory of when you told your family that you had made it into U.A., the proud look on their faces when you screamed that you’d be in the best class of one of the most prestigious hero courses. When you reminded yourself of the happy looks on your relatives faces, you couldn’t stop the tears from falling from your eyes, racing down your cheeks.

As you furiously swiped your eyes, you took in a deep breath, doing your best to calm yourself. However, you found yourself unable to pay attention for the rest of class. You just prayed that nothing too important was being taught

Just as you were about to leave, getting ready to hole yourself back up in your dorm, you felt a hang tug on your wrist. Turning around, you found yourself face to face with Katsuki, who seemed to be pissed off. When you asked him what was wrong, he abruptly asked why you looked so pathetic

A little taken aback, you found yourself forcing out a laugh, telling him that you weren’t quite sure what he meant. When he didn’t respond, you looked towards your feet, apologizing for being annoying

That also seemed to be the wrong answer, as he forced you to look back at him, his eyes piercing into yours, almost as if he could see your soul

“What the hell are you on about?” He asked, his normally gruff voice turning slightly softer, as if not to scare you away, “I never said you’re annoying, I just wanna know why you’re so upset,”

Seeing the concerned look on his face caused you to burst into tears. You could tell that you freaked him out, as he tugged you into a hug, burying your face into his chest. He lightly scolded you, saying that you were making it look like he yelled at you. When you finally spilled what was going on, how you lost some family members this month, and how you didn’t want to seem weak because of your grief, Katsuki wasn’t sure of what to say

Instead of trying to say anything, he simply grunted in acknowledgement, letting you know that he was there for you. He told you that mourning the loss of a loved one didn’t make you weak, it made you human. The only thing that would make you weak in his eyes would be if you didn’t give your all in anything that you do

While he may not be the best at comforting a grieving person, if it’s you, he supposes that he doesn’t mind sitting it out with you

Todoroki Shouto

Though Shouto may not be the best when it comes to understanding social cues, it’s glaringly obvious that something has happened to you. While it may have taken him a few days to realize what was off about you, he could tell that something was up

The warm smile he’d receive in the morning, right before class, had disappeared, and instead of replaced by a thinly veiled look of sadness, though you did your best to hide it. The 3 AM chats that the two of you would have about life seemingly vanished into thin air. In fact, you seemed to be the one disappearing, almost as if you were pulling away from his life

When Shouto had first asked you if anything was wrong, you merely shook your head, giving a forced smile while telling him that you were just feeling a bit tired, but he knew that was a lie. He didn’t want to press the topic, though, as he just assumed that you’d work out whatever was going on in your life, and then things would go back to normal. At least, that’s what he told himself to feel better about the situation

In truth, a small, perhaps insecure, part of him was worried that you were distancing yourself because you were going to break up with him. However, when he noticed that you were actually avoiding all of your friends as well, he couldn’t help but feel a shameful breath of relief leave his body. Though he badly wants to ask you if you’re truly okay, he doesn’t want to invade your personal life, and he doesn’t want to force you to talk about your feelings, since he knows that can be a difficult subject

You, on the other hand, were having a hard time keeping a cool exterior. In the past month, not only have you had to say goodbye to one family member, but three. You didn’t tell anyone what had happened, nor did you truly plan on it, either. The idea of being a bother, or a burden, to anyone if you told them about your grief prevented you from speaking, so you decided to keep quiet and instead put all of your focus into your work, hoping that maybe, just maybe, you could work away your feelings

So, in the daytime you’d pretend that nothing happened, shrugging off any concerns that your friends and boyfriend would have for you, and insist that nothing had happened, while in the night you’d let out quiet sobs into your pillow, wishing nothing more than to be in the arms of your dearly departed

Eventually, your facade had cracked, just a bit, but it was enough for your boyfriend to notice

While in class one morning, waiting for the lecture to start, you were vaguely listening to the chatter of the 1-A students. Your attention faded in and out occasionally, not really paying attention, but it wasn’t as though you were called out about it. However, when one of your classmates had talked about a call they received from a relative, and how much they missed them and loved them, you found yourself having an even more difficult time controlling your emotions. As tears had begun to fill your eyes, you hastily wiped them away, though it didn’t really do much, as for the rest of the lecture, you fought the urge to just start sobbing. You just prayed that no one saw what was going on, and that you could continue your day as normal

Unluckily for you, Shouto saw the entire thing

So, after school, while you were packing away your stationary, you noticed a certain red and white boy standing in front of your desk. Bracing yourself, you forced a smile, looking at him curiously. When you asked him what he wanted, he stated that he wanted to walk back with you. Just as you were about to deny the offer, like you had been for weeks, he grabbed your hand, squeezing it gently, almost as if he were begging you to say yes

That’s how you found yourself walking side by side with Shouto, who seemed to be observing your every move. From the small glances that you allowed yourself, it looked as though he was deep in thought, trying to find the right words to say. Before you could question his actions, he spoke:

“I saw you trying to hold back tears this morning,” When he saw your posture stiffen up, he squeezed your hand once more, “And I’ve noticed that you’ve been distant these past few weeks. I don’t want to force you to say anything, but I do want you to know that I’m here for you”

For a few seconds, the two of you stand in complete silence. You can’t think of anything to say to put back up the wall you’ve had, though, if you did have something to say, you weren’t quite sure if you could even speak at the moment. As you finally allowed yourself to look at him, you couldn’t stop the tears from streaming down your cheeks as you saw the look of such concern and care for you

Putting your face in your hands, you felt a sob rip itself out of your throat, along with Shouto’s strong arms being wrapped around your form, as if shielding you from any other negative things in the world. You could hear him whispering small words of comfort, telling you how much he loves you, and how he’s here for you

While Shouto isn’t necessarily comfortable, nor well equipped, to deal with a person in emotional distress, he does try his best, and that’s good enough for you

Once your sobs turned into tiny hiccups, he pulled the two of you to a secluded area on campus, sitting the both of you down. While it took a while, you eventually told him what had happened, and how quickly life seemed to take away your relatives. He never interrupts your story, only listening quietly as you get your emotions off of your chest

After you’ve finished, Shouto envelops you into a hug once more, telling you how sorry he is for your loss. He tells you that you should never feel like a burden to him, that you’re entitled to your emotions, and processing grief doesn’t make you any less important to him. Though there’s probably a million words of comfort running through his head, he can’t seem to find one that feels right

So, he instead suggests that the two of you head back to the dorms, and for the rest of the night, the two of you are cooped up in your room, neither of you really saying anything. He holds you tightly against his chest, letting you cry out as much as you need to, never complaining about how there’s a permanent wet spot on his shirt.

He simply allows you to feel grief, to feel sad and upset and angry at the world, and, while it doesn’t feel great right now, you do feel much better, now that you have someone to hold you in these quiet nights

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thbstvrdthmtlbndndntn · 2 years

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Thank youuuuu @lightpossession 4 the tag haven’t done one of these in agesssss

Favourite colours

I like fall colours, orange, green, rusty reds. Blackburnian warbler and Black-Throated Green Warbler Colours (pics from Cornell)

Currently reading

Just finished Eastern Span by Rick Paulas today (I bought it through Twitter while I was drunk and it turned out to be surprisingly engrossing)

Started the chalk man by cj Tudor which I got for 6 bucks at Costco and it is terrible but I will probably finish it within two days bc it hits the part of my brain I inherited from my grandma who is the nicest lady but her basement literally has wall to wall shelves of the goriest most fucked up mysteries, thrillers, and horror books imaginable

Also reading The Brothers Karamazov which I’ve been reading for like a year but I constantly forget it for like five months then read 100 pages in a sitting

And technically reading Organic Chemistry as a Second Language but that’s not for pleasure

Last Song

Listened to the new Bonobo album while reading today, not usually my thing out I liked it. Currently listening to Lemuria/Kind of Like Spitting split Your Livingrooms All Over Me from 2006 which is a bit of a throwback.

Last series

Just finished yellowjackets on Sunday, have been working my way through the final 2 seasons of the sopranos, also watching newer episodes of SVU which is embarrassing but because they’re so bad it’s fun to watch but also I don’t care about missing a bit if I have them on while I’m cooking or doing my dishes

Sweet, Savoury or Spicy

Preferably all three at once but if I had to rank: 1. Spicy 2. Savoury 3. Sweet

Currently working on

Getting back into school after an extra long winter break, teaching myself organic chemistry and cell biology bc I cannot pay attention in lectures, going outside despite the cold which is a challenge right now. I deleted Twitter off my phone and have no desire to redownload but that means I’m spending more time on Tumblr. Finding more time to bake bread and bird mostly, also keeping the house a bit cleaner this year

Ok that’s it! No presh but if you wanna @le-joli-chat @foryourhealth @barisaxnumbertwo or anyone else

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energyweaverac · 3 years

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On the Topic of Personal Discernment

(This post was written while connected to my own Akashic Records, and is loosely taken from a lecture I gave in a past life)

Let’s talk about discernment, and more specifically, discernment in your personal life. How do you discern what is right for you? What is true for you? Where is the line between trust and naivety? Between hope and fear?

The definition of Personal Discernment, as it is being discussed in the context of this post (not necessarily the Websters edition):

Personal Discernment is by definition subjective, it is the comprehension of truth as it aligns with your uniquely personal perspective and authentic self. Discerning something ‘correctly’ is discerning the most right answer for your subjective and authentic path -discerning a truth removed from the layers of fear, uncertainty, and programming that distorts our perception and path.

To start, I wanted to talk for a moment about my personal experience with personal discernment. I want to first validate these questions by expressing that the lines are often blurred, and that sometimes you won’t truly know which side of the line you are on until you are already past it and seeing it through the clarity of hindsight. Sometimes the challenge and the lesson is in the uncertainty. It’s the blind extension into the unknown, grasping for details and possibilities to create a picture that will dissolve the uncertainty into clarity. In that blind searching, that grasp of uncertainty, you are able to connect with these ‘haphazard’ details, mistakes, and potential truths, so that when all of these pieces come together and the truth of the outcome - the discernment - comes into fruition, you can see the bigger picture of it all. You can see because of some of the mistakes why it was the ‘better’ path, or you better understand the why because of the questions you asked from a place of uncertainty. In this way, I want to validate the mirage around discernment, and help you understand that if you are unsure about the clarity or the validity of what you have discerned, that you are still doing it exactly right.

But I also understand that depending on the topic at hand, or the state of your wellbeing, sometimes it’s more important to be sure of the quality of your discernment. I find this to be particularly true when the state of uncertainty around your discernment is so extreme that you are forced into stagnancy - unable to reach into the unknown to grasp for potential truths, mistakes, or validations - frozen by fear or insecurity.

So here is my perspective on the most important steps for fine tuning your personal discernment; and what I mean by that is honing your discernment in a way that you can trust more deeply and also guides you to your best possible outcome.

Note: For this technique, it’s imperative that it is centered around personal discernment as defined above. So it’s important to frame the point of discernment in a way that is focused on you. For example, instead of approaching this technique from the vantage point of ‘I discerned that ___ person is lying to me’ focus it as ‘I will be happier without connecting to ___ person.’ Perhaps you’ve discerned a couple of possibilities/timelines, but you can’t quite settle on which is 'true'. Don’t worry, as long as you center the options on your own experience/action, then the steps below will account for that.

Step 1: Authenticity.

Now I might be a little biased, because I believe that uncovering your authenticity is the most important thing you can do in life, in general. I believe that when you are connected to your authentic self, you will be naturally in tune with your unique frequency and naturally connect with experiences, outcomes, and feelings that are also in resonance with your authentic self - it becomes almost effortless and obvious to discern your ‘best’ answer, your ‘highest’ truth. But that also requires having a concept around what your authentic truth even is, and uncovering your authenticity under all of the layers of programming and masks and confusion can be a multi-lifelong process. So don’t fret, you don’t have to have a perfect picture of your authentic self to accomplish this first step. Instead, I want you to get in the habit of asking yourself this question “does XYZ resonate with joy, inspiration, and peace for me?” Why those three emotions you may say? Well in my work with The Akashic Records and my Spirit Team, I’ve been re-learning the inner mechanisms of the soul, and where the core ‘cells’ of your soul exist (your most original and authentic petals of existence), there are three significant energetic pathways that begin branching out from that core - and they can be simplified into the energies of joy, inspiration, and peace. So if when you ask yourself this question “Does XYZ resonate with joy, inspiration, and peace for me?” If it does, then it’s a pretty sure bet that that that thing you are discerning is at least connected to that foundation of authenticity, and if it is connecting you to your authenticity, then you can be fairly confident that it is at least relatively connected to your highest and greatest good, and also connected to your authentic truth.

Step 2: Depth of Feeling

Now that you’ve determined that XYZ you discerned resonates with joy, inspiration, and peace, it’s time to really feel it. This is also the time where you can start narrowing things down. Maybe you’ve discerned a couple of possibilities, and maybe they both resonate with joy, inspiration and peace; but you really want to figure out which one is the ‘best’ option for you, which one will direct you the most closely to your authentic truth. To do that, I recommend connecting mindfully with how much joy, inspiration, and peace you feel when thinking about your discerned possibilities. Connect to the depth of it. This may take a bit of time or meditation when first exploring this technique, but eventually you’ll find it easier to understand (and easier to connect to your authentic self). It’s important to ensure you are shifting your consciousness into your heart space, and allowing yourself to contemplate the original question and answer in that dimensional portal of feeling and connection. It will feel like a pulse, and you can gauge that pulse for its depth and range. Does it settle and thrum like a gentle pitter patter, does it radiate out through all that you are like a shockwave? Somewhere in between? Does it cause a subtle smile, or move you to tears? Exploring the depth of the resonance for you will not only help you narrow down your choices or clarify a truth, but it also builds on that foundation of trust and confidence in what you have discerned so that you can move forward with it and not be bound by the stagnation of fear.

Step 3: Time

Finally, if there are still some remnants of doubt or fear, I find that it is helpful to consider XYZ and the quality and depth of joy, inspiration, and peace, in the context of time. After all, while our soul may exist outside of the parameters of time, our physical bodies and minds are still connected to time. Depending on the topic of XYZ being discerned, the way in which you go about this last approach may vary. But the general idea is to connect with the idea of XYZ being true across time. Does the quality and depth of joy, inspiration, and peace maintain over time (as far as you can fathom in your current reality)? Does it still feel ‘good’ and ‘right’ a week from now? A month from now? Five years from now? Twenty years from now? Keep this conscious consideration in the heart space - or if you wanna get advanced, move it to the perineum energy portal where your original cells (and your core authenticity) are energetically encoded. You don’t want to overthink it too much with a hundred different possibilities, but simply present yourself the idea of XYZ being true in ___ amount of time, and feel it. Do you get inspired by the possibilities? Do you have a spark of joy from the gratitude of it still being true? Do you feel at peace with the truth across the span of time and potential changes? You should feel grounded and secure in the truth of it - not just to serve the satisfaction of this current moment, but across the changes inherent to time. Because if XYZ is true for your authentic self, then it will be true and right for you across all space and time.

Bonus Step: Fuck it, Sovereignly.

When all else fails, and you’ve gone through the above three steps with a thoughtful and genuine approach, but you are still unsure, ask yourself: “will pursuing the answer I have discerned actively and detrimentally cause harm to myself or someone else?” If the answer is no, then sometimes a healthy dose of ‘fuck it’ energy goes a long way in releasing stagnation and simply being open to the flow of possibilities. Sometimes the ‘best’ or ‘most right’ answer, is to simply explore.

In truth, at least my truth, sometimes trust requires a little naivety, and sometimes hope can be scary. It’s okay for those lines to be a little blurred, and to feel a little bit of all of them. The important thing is to connect with that feeling in a way that allows you to move in the direction of your choosing, and in a way that will serve to significantly promote your authenticity and wellbeing. Trust and Truth are complex and ever-changing things, and they will mean something different to everyone. It’s my hope that this post, and these steps, will help you connect with your inner trust and truth in a deeper way through the navigation of your personal discernment. Feel free to explore this technique and these concepts in whatever way works best for you. You are welcome to expand on them and explore their framework in new and unique ways. This is just my perspective and my approach, I look forward to you making it your own.

If you enjoyed reading this, and want to listen to me chat more about some different topics, check out my Spiritual Mentorship Service or the Classes that I teach.

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doienseatee · 3 years

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One with the Star

GIF IS MINE

Pairing: Doyoung x Reader

Genre: Strangers to Lovers, Fluff, College

Note: I haven’t proofread this (as always) but here it is! I’m so sorry it took me so long to finish this one. I wanted it to be perfect (at least for me sksksks) next chapter will be in Doyoung’s POV so stay tuned for it i guess? I hope you enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it. Here’s a list of the songs that I listened to while writing this (they’re not exactly relevant to the plot but they made me feel good and set my mood to write hehe)

I LOVE YOU (TREASURE) I LIKE U (NIKI) ILYSB STRIPPED (LANY) STILL INTO U (PARAMORE) YOU BELONG WITH ME (TAYLOR SWIFT) LOVE STORY (TAYLOR SWIFT) STYLE (TAYLOR SWIFT) SOMEBODY TO YOU (THE VAMPS FT. DEMI LOVATO) BLACK MAGIC (LITTLE MIX)

Your likes and (especially) comments are highly appreciated :> Thank you so much if you’re still here and I hope I won’t disappoint you. I can’t wait to write this story in Doyoung’s POV and I hope you are too :> Thank you so much and enjoy!

Word Count: 2.6k

Summary: You developed a crush on the school band’s vocalist and somehow got close with him when you friend, Jungwoo, joined them. You’re too shy to make a move and so you are more than happy to be friends with a star like him.

CHAPTER 3

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A lot of things were going through your head when you read Doyoung’s text message.

“Did he really say “date”??”

“Why is he inviting me again?”

“Is he interested in me or he’s just naturally friendly?

“Did he mean “date” in a romantic way?”

“Is it really Doyoung who texted me??”

are just a few questions that you can’t seem to find the answers. You didn’t know how to react and most certainly, you didn’t know what to reply back. You didn’t want your response to come off like you’re excited and gushing over his invitation. You also didn’t want to seem like you’re being forced because certainly you’re not. You didn’t know what to do and the fact that your 2 hour class is already halfway through and you still haven’t responded to his message isn’t helping at all.

“Sure!” too boring

“I would love to” too obvious that you’re excited

“I’ll check my schedule” sounds like you don’t have intentions to go

You’re not even listening to your professor anymore at this rate and Doyoung is all that you could ever think about. You’re afraid of your reaction coming off as “overreacting” so you’re thoroughly thinking about it (yup, for more than an hour) because it really doesn’t make any sense to you.

You were going through so many thoughts but your ears rang when you heard your professor say “due in 2 weeks” for a project you are totally not aware of so you forced yourself to forget about his message and direct your attention to the man’s lecture in front of you.

--------

It was about 5PM when your professor in your last subject of the day finally dismissed you and you were on your way to meet Jungwoo in the cafe near the university since he basically bailed on you in the morning because he slept too much.

He was already sitting in your usual spot when you arrived and you saw two cups of frappe on the table. It was supposedly his “peace offering” to you for missing the practice and leaving you alone especially he was the one that was supposed to be there since it was his first day of practice.

“I’m sorry for not showing up but you should thank me for giving you a chance to have a date with your crush”

and you almost spat your drink when you heard him say those words because you never told him that you are crushing on Doyoung

“What? Do you expect me not to notice when you’re all heart eyes when you see him?”

Your shoulders fell when you realized that you weren’t lowkey at all and that Jungwoo was actually aware all this time. You felt like you were betrayed by him for not telling you that he knows but you were mostly sulking about the fact that you weren’t discreet and Doyoung could’ve found out already.

“Seriously though! I’ve been with you for the past 3 months so I know that you have the hots for the man and I confirmed it on the audition day. You were stiff as a rock when you saw him and tried to play it cool. So not you!”

And as much as you wanted to defend yourself, you had nothing else to say because it was all true.

“OH RIGHT I DIDN’T TEXT HIM BACK YET!” you suddenly remembered about his message since you were occupied by your classes.

“What?” was all that Jungwoo could say with his confused face. So of course you explained everything from the time that you ate after the cancelled practice to the exchange of numbers and to his text message asking you to have a “snack date again” tomorrow.

“DAMN!! HE LIKES YOU TOO!!!” he exclaimed while grinning from ear to ear and you hit him jokingly because his words were absurd

“No way!! He probably just meant it as a friendly date or what” you tried to deny it but you actually had some hope at the back of your head but of course you didn’t want to assume.

“I bet my entire semester allowance that he’ll ask you out to date him after your little snack date tomorrow” he looks so confident and you just wanted to smack him for that

As much as you still wanted to argue with him, you needed to answer Doyoung’s message as soon as possible. He might think you’re ignoring him or what so you ask Jungwoo what to reply in his point of view of a guy and not as your friend

“I’m down for it!” will definitely make me happy and probably Doyoung too” was his advice but you asked him if it’s okay and doesn’t make your feeling too obvious

“Just go for it!! I swear, he’s interested in you and your reply will give him hope!” so you just shrugged and started to type your reply.

As you were about to send your reply, you hesitated and put your phone down but Jungwoo snatched it away and he sent it instead and so you hit him again for the second time of the day

“Trust me on this one please, you can unfriend me if things will go wrong” and you did trust his words and let a little hope ignite in you.

You went on and asked him how he found out about your little crush on his now bandmate and it consists of “your interest when i introduced you to them on the acquaintance party”, “i caught you stalking his instagram profile”, “i saw your eyes form a heart shape when you saw him passing by in the school cafe”

You were thinking of what excuse to say although there was no escape when the both of you were interrupted when your phone rang indicating a text message was sent to you.

“It’s probably Doyoung! Check it!!!” Jungwoo was so excited (and you) and you tried to check your phone screen only to see that he did replied to you

“See! He instantly replied!! He’s interested in you!!!” you tried to dodge him and his assumptions and composed yourself to reply to whatever Doyoung sent but again, Jungwoo snatched your phone so he can “read it for you”

“Great! I thought you’ll reject my invitation, I was kinda waiting for your reply”

“See! I told you!! He likes you too!!” he reacted and you just snatched your phone away from him to confirm if what he read was true and indeed it was real.

“WTF” was all you could say

“Reply to him ASAP!!!” your friend was urging you to do so but again you didn’t know what to say, it’s not as if you could say “I didn’t know how to reply so sorry lol” or “I was overwhelmed so I didn’t know what to reply”

“Just tell him you’re busy and didn’t see his message until your last class, that’s enough to put him under the impression that you were just busy and not trying to ignore him or whatever” Jungwoo did make sense so you tried typing

And so your conversation went like:

“Oh no! I was just busy with my class so I didn’t notice your text message :)”

“I was worried that you didn’t want to be with me that’s why”

“I enjoyed your company a while ago! I won’t say no to you”

“That’s a relief! Would you mind if I take you out on a lunch date tomorrow instead of a snack date?”

“I’m up for anything. My class starts at 2PM tomorrow so it’s all good”

“Should I pick you up or something?”

you were shocked with his offer but you actually liked it but you didn’t want to admit it since you might be a nuisance to him if you’ll agree.

at this point, Jungwoo’s trying to peek at your conversation since you’ve been texting non-stop for the last 10 minutes and completely ignored his presence but you didn’t mind him and continued to speak to Doyoung

“It’s fine! I don’t want to disturb you. Let’s just meet up somewhere?”

“I insist and besides, I don’t have any classes tomorrow so I’m free all day.”

“Are you sure? I can just take the bus or something”

“I’m 200% sure. So can I have your address? :)”

“DAMN”

“Why? What happened?” Jungwoo immediately asked you when he hear your voice

“He’s picking me up on our house tomorrow”

“What did I tell you!! He likes you!!!!!” he was so adamant and you calmed him down to avoid getting attention from the people in the cafe

“I won’t agree until he directly tells me okay? I’ll just assume this is a friendly date” but you know deep inside that you were hoping

30 minutes later, you both separated and went to your respective homes. Jungwoo didn’t say his usual goodbyes and instead wished you luck with your “future lovelife” and wished to see you holding hands with Doyoung the next time you’ll meet.

-------

You are not a morning person and so being up at 8 AM is an achievement but your excitement didn’t really let you sleep that much and the 3 hours of sleep felt just like a blink to you. A lot of things were going through your head as to how your day will go by with Doyoung.

You actually talked to him until 10PM the night before and just pretty much talked about yourselves and it was like a continuation of your conversation when you were eating.

He radiates comfortability and he feels like home with the short span of time that you talked to him and now you weren’t feeling awkward and you felt comfortable with the thought of being with him.

Although the thought of him liking you does still bother you and is making you nervous but you tried to convince yourself that whatever happens, you’ll still consider him as your friend and that’s more than enough.

He’ll pick you up at 11AM yet you were up at 8 to start preparing and look decent enough. You know your fashion and makeup so it shouldn’t be a problem but it still did.

You tried to scrub every part of your body to look and feel good. You didn’t notice that you spent almost an hour in the shower doing all of the excess rituals than your usual half an hour and short routine when taking a bath.

Nothing in your closet seems perfect enough to your liking. It was as if half of your wardrobe was gone but in reality, they’re just the same and you just can’t pick an outfit.

After a good 30 minutes of debating with your closet, you settled with a white surplice top and blue culotte pants paired with a white doll shoes and you were now left with the makeup look.

It was either a natural look or an almost full glam look but you went with a natural look. You put on Powder, Mascara, Blush and a coral toned Lipstick to finish your makeup and unknowingly, the simplicity brought out your confidence and you thought that you were now ready to meet Doyoung.

You were still finishing your overall look around 10:30 AM when he called you to say that he is now on the way to your house to pick you up so you hurried and backpack filled with the things that you need for your class after your lunch “date” with Doyoung.

Although it’s true that you are now comfortable with him, the lunch date with him is still different and you suddenly became nervous but you tried to keep it cool while you were waiting in your living room. Your mom did ask you where you are going but all you said was “to school” so she won’t ask you further questions if you’ll say “a date”. Knowing your mom, she’s talkative so your conversation won’t end and you promise to tell her everything after. You were too occupied thinking of Doyoung to chit chat with her.

The screen of your phone lit up with Doyoung’s “I’m here” text message so you said goodbye to your mom and went out to greet Doyoung in his black BMW car.

The window in the passenger’s seat was open and he was waving from the inside. He was wearing a black polo shirt with a pair of white jeans and black sneakers. You were about to drown in your thoughts of how good he looked but he started to talk and ask how was your sleep so all the time that you were traveling to whatever restaurant he’s bringing you, you just talked to him like how you texted.

After a good 15 minute drive, he declared that you were now in your destination and you prepared to go out of the car but he told you to stay put and he rushed to open the car for you. You just mumbled a small “thank you” for his gesture even though it’s melting you on the inside.

The restaurant wasn’t that far from your university since he didn’t want you to be late for your class and you mentally screamed at how thoughtful he was. It wasn’t a fine dining restaurant but not something that students are usually going to hang out at. It has a chill ambiance and you loved it.

“Do you like the place? I’m sorry I still don’t have any idea of what you like so I brought you to one of my family’s favorite.” Doyoung had an apologetic look while he said those words to you but you assured him that it was fine and you liked it.

“You can choose the restaurant next time” he offered but you were shocked with the “next time”

so you asked him

“Only if you want to because for me I would love to take you out on a date again after this” and how could you say no to him when he was smiling like an adorable bunny

-----

The food, the place and the person you’re with were all great and you had a good time so you were really happy and you thanked Doyoung as you were both walking to the parking lot.

“I should be the one thanking you for accepting my invitation. I thought you’d say no to be honest”

“Why would you think that I won’t say yes?” you asked him as he was about to start the engine of the car

“You’re too beautiful for me, I didn’t think I had a chance. Plus I really thought Jungwoo was your boyfriend”

“What do you mean beautiful? I’m not” you tried to laugh your confusion because between the both of you, he was the one that’s unreachable so it was crazy to hear those words from him

“I’m not kidding! I like you!” he stopped trying to start the car and looked at your eyes with conviction

“what?” you were a mess and you were trying to understand everything that’s going on although you kind of prepared yourself for this but you were expecting the worst case scenario so you’re still confused as hell.

“I like you, a lot! And I actually invited you today to ask if you’d like to go out with me but I got too shy when we were eating.” he looked away after his confession and you also didn’t know what to do

your face displayed nothing but shock and confusion with his confession and you just can’t believe your crush actually likes you so all you can say is “what?” and he just grabbed your hands and interlocked them with his while saying

“I like you so much and I’ll do everything for you to be my girlfriend”

----------------

THANK YOU!

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innermort · 3 years

Text

*** disclaimer: this is a very long diary type of entry that is probably quite boring for everyone else and may be ignored. it's merely a very lenghty epiphany I just had about my life and myself and I had to type it out for me, to lock in the thoughts, if you will. it was pretty therapeutic tho. 🙃 ***

10/Sept/2021

I just had the realization that I'm in the process of redefining every aspect of my self and my life.

I quit smoking cigarettes from one day to another exactly 2 months ago tomorrow and went from a heavy to a casual party smoker.

I rarely ever smoke weed anymore (plus when I did since quitting tabacco, I rolled with herbs) and now made the conscious decision to take another long break, so it doesn't interfere with my weight loss again. I get the worst munchies and have no self control when I'm stoned. I'm talking "5000+ cals in one sitting" type of binges. I'm not tolerating this kind of self sabotage anymore.

I re-discovered edblr. Yes. I know. Not the healthiest habit to get back into but it's the only thing that has actually helped me gain the motivation and willpower to put a stop to my raging sugar addiction and instead, an actual effort into losing weight again. Besides, I'm doing it in a much more careful and "responsible" way now (high restricting, taking supplements, no strict/exact calorie limit, very light to no exercise (okay, to be fair the reason for that is mainly my injured knee but still), letting myself eat/drink more than planned if I feel my body needs it). And let's not forget that I've literally been binging every day for the past 2 or 3 months. My diet nearly exclusively consisted of chocolate, pastries and pizza. Literally. I've gained 10 kgs (22lbs) during that time. That lifestyle was just as unhealthy, if not unhealthier.

I finally got to hang up and use my calender. Due to my ADHD (self diagnosed for now), I'm very forgetful and unorganized - at least in my private life. That's why I made the decision to get a big calender which I can use as a semi To Do/Buy list and appointment/meeting/bill reminder. Since I'm glueing a sticker to each day I got through without binging, I'm looking at it pretty much every day anyways. Plus, it's a motivater to not binge (reward that inner child)! Overall, it's helping me become more organized and put together which are two areas I've been lacking in in the past years. So far, I've been mostly using my phone notes but I usually write something down and immediately forget about it if it's not a grocery list or a To Do list I'm actively working through on that same day.

I have my first appointment at a psych ward since I was a teen. It's just a phone call and first get to know conversation but it's better than nothing and more than overdue. I'm finally taking the first steps towards getting diagnosed and being eligible for therapy. I'm sick of feeling like a victim of my own brain, I just want to be better. I deserve to be better.

I'm hungry for knowledge again. I deleted Tiktok from my phone because of how big of a distraction it was and because I realized that even though I'm being bombarded with new information everyday, I'm not learning anything. Our brains can't even comprehend the amount of information given in that short time span. Nothing sticks. Sure, you find out about some pretty cool stuff on TT depending on what kinda fyp you have but for me personally, it was just hours and hours of mindless scrolling in the end. It's crazy how addictive it is, too. Even despite the fact that I was already at a point where it didn't even give me that quick dopamine quick anymore. It felt boring and repetitive and I was merely doing it out of habit.

So, I got rid off the app. I started watching documentaries again. Mostly about gut health and mental illnesses like ADHD, Autism, BPD, Narcissm etc. Like TED talks or interviews/discussions by and with professionals/experts/diagnosed people. I'm back to not just craving but actually consuming something with substance, something that gives me more knowledge and insight on a topic. Something I actually want to know more about.

I realized and accepted that even though I am a creative mind, a fully creative job might just not be for me. I'm learning that maybe I'm the type of person who does something entirely different in their free time than what they do at work. And that that's very much okay. I noticed that at my job (this was the case for every job I ever had), my mind seems to work differently. When people expect me to do something, I have the needed pressure and motivation to get it done. I could also observe in myself that at work, I enjoy organizing/sorting stuff, I'm a fast and independent learner while I'm also excellent at training new employees, I'm much more detail oriented than in my private life - overall, it came to my attention that I might not actually be the ever chaotic forgetful mess who can't form a logic thought - or I can at least recognize that this is merely a part of me and not what defines and limits me as a person. I realized I actually like straightforward work, I like working alone and I like working precisely. When I was younger I would have never used any of these traits to describe my dream career. I would gag at the idea of working an office job and now I feel like this would actually suit me very well. Especially the working alone part would mean feeling less drained at the end of a work day and still having the energy to hang out with people I actually want to see. This is an extremely valuable lesson about myself that I finally seem to have learned.

After this big sub- and now concious evaluation about myself I'm also finally taking actual steps towards a possible career. I bought a course and worked through the first 2 lectures today, taking notes and writing everything down neatly for 3 - 3 1/2 hours (in total with breaks in between). I even got a notebook specifically for this new life project. I'm excited to learn. I feel scared, too. This is something I've never done before but I'm telling myself that trying won't hurt. I have my main job as a safety net, financially nothing can happen to me. I can only learn, even if I fail. And time will pass anyways, whether I get my ass up and put in the work or continue to be unhappy with what I'm doing without trying to change anything.

Speaking of finances, I also started taking those more seriously now. I stopped using my credit card (I was in negative numbers constantly, big numbers like -300 to -800€ due to constant overspending). I set up standing orders for my monthly fixed costs to make sure bills are always paid on time. Due to my forgetfulness and ADHD freeze I would often forget to pay or postpone paying bills until the reminder came in the mail and led to me having to pay on top or generating debt. I still have a little bit of debt to pay off but it's thankfully not a dramatic amount. I also have a second bank account for savings now where I transfer 200€ to every month. Even the simple act of calculating my fixed costs to see how much I can use for what was something that was desperately overdue. What I still have to do is sort out my receipts and write everything down in a housekeeping/budget book. And my first ever tax return. I am very much dreading both of these. 😃

Anyways. Wow. I really needed to type this out. I have the very harmful tendency to look at all the negative stuff and only focus on what I don't have and don't do. I really needed to take a long, deep look at all the things I've been changing around in the past couple months. A lot of it really passed me by until now. It's crazy but I really feel like a complete failure when my body isn't looking its best and it makes me blind for everything else. So, thank you to myself for reminding me that I am actually making a lot of progress, even if it has been in areas other than my fitness and looks. They're just as important (from a healthy brains point significantly more important, obviously) and deserve to be noticed and celebrated.

Conclusion: ��️✨YAY, ME✨❤️

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salty-fang · 4 years

Text

Loving you is hard

So, this idea spawned from a conversation with @iloveitwhen and I've just wanted to write it. So without further ado...

“I- Would you like to me out go? I mean me out you? I mean go out with me? On Sunday?” They’d been best friends for months after he’d saved her from Chloé and her posse, although not before she had been smeared in mud and had her spectacles smashed, lying askew. They had jeered at her, screaming ‘Piggy’, only relenting once Adrien charged out of the mansion, hurling himself in front of her. Chloé had turned and ran leaving Sabrina, Kim and Max in the forefront of his rage.

After he had delivered his lecture spectacularly, he ushered her inside, getting her a towel to dry the mud off. He’d given her a spare pair of clothes that used to belong to his older sister, Claire, before she had been adopted. Of course, his father had been slightly disappointed once he recognised who she was as he frequented the bakery quite a lot. He tried to belittle her calling her a ‘mere baker’s daughter’ which was personally a compliment. And, he chewed her out for interrupting an important meeting with THE Bruce Wayne- whoever that was. Adrien had been a gentleman and sneered in defiance at Gabriel’s discourtesy but she could see how white his fists were and how hard he had been biting his lip. And she could never have him get in trouble for her mistake so... she did what she knew best.

She cried. You see, she had inherited quite the set of pipes and her cries had made the pointless vases tremble as her wails caused the pictures to shake. She placed Adrien’s hand in her own grubby little ones before pulling him away into the first room she saw. Failing to notice Emilie’s small smirk at the chaos she invoked and failing to hear Adrien’s desperate pleas for her to stop. Tentatively, she opened the door, sighing in relief at the sight of the empty room. It was slightly breath taking but intimidating at the sheer size of the room but the presence she felt behind her and Adrien’s wide eyes plagued her.

“When you said you would be getting ready to spar, did you mean that? Or were you out gallivanting with some girl?” Yup, that was it. His voice commanded respect, leaving no room for argument. His face was stoic and he exuded confidence yet his demeanour was cool. He had the ability to blend into the shadows, which admittedly scared the socks off of her. And he was even colder than Chloe. But so was she. She had never been proud of it but it was there. It was just too hard to reign in once she exposed that side of her.

“Some girl, huh? It’s Marinette Dupain-Cheng to you. Talk to me when you’ve had a shower and you don’t look like you haven��t changed clothes in a year. You think just because your friends with Agreste I’ll be polite whilst you insult me? If you do, well congratulations because you’ve invented a new kind of stupid.” She could see Adrien wince out of the corner of her eyes, the look of appraisal in Damian's eye before he turned a frightful glare towards her with the top of his lips curled in a sneer as he scoffed.

“You think you can waltz in here and interrupt my meeting with Agreste because you think you better than me. Because newsflash, and I know all about them, you may be pretty than most child models but you’re still an arrogant deceitful brat, Marionette. So why don’t you go back and roll in the mud, Piggy.”

“Damian that’s enough,” pleaded Adrien, voice strained.

“Is it though? She hardly looks phased.” It wasn’t true, it had hurt more than she had thought it would and she felt each word pierce her heart, breaking her down.

“He’s right though Adrien.” She saw the shock on both faces as she trained her eyes on the ground before locking her eyes on Damian. “But at least I’m honest about it. And I know the reality is going to slap him so hard in the face once he finds out he isn’t as amazing as he thinks.” She gave Adrien a quick hug before turning to leave, grabbing her pink purse from the couch. She could feel her temper flare up as she walked away, knowing that she could have easily won the battle. She- a Dupain-Cheng- had run away from a challenge. The only reason she had lost was because she’d been in unfamiliar territory and she wanted to make a good impression on Adrien.

Adrien! He probably thought she was annoying. Or weird. Maybe both. Definitely both. He’d probably tell his parents how weird she was and get a restraining order placed on her. She’d never defeat Damian and Adrien would hate her. Her parents would probably disown her too. Oh no. She’d be a lonely cat woman living off scraps in some alleyway. Everyone would forget about her and Adrien would marry Chloe. Chloe! She had been in such a state that she hadn’t seen Emilie walking towards her, engrossed in her new script.

“Hngh. Sorry about that. Oh, you’re the girl who told my husband off. Ni-chickpea why are you crying? Aww, come over here princess.”

“I’m sorry for everything. Sorry about crashing into your home, sorry for being the rudest guest ever, sorry for interrupting your meeting, sorry for being ugly.”

“Did Adrien tell you that? No? Well, you’re beautiful inside and out, chick. Don’t cry because of some stupid boy who has no filter. Now, would you like to grab some ice cream with your auntie Em.

“No thanks. My aunt, Delphine, said no one likes girls who don’t have tiny waists. She told me that I’d be more pretty if I lost weight so I really shouldn’t. Or she might tell my father if I gain any.” And with that, she scrambled off her lap with a surprisingly agile leap and ran out of the mansion. Emilie hadn’t decided whether she’d like to launch Delphine into the sun or sock her across the face but she knew that she’d be having a few choice words with her. When she got in contact with her.

It really wasn’t a surprise when months later, Marinette, who had become a regular guest at their home arrived in a flood of tears, explaining how her aunt had booked her for a flight next week to go and live with Tom and Sabine, neither of which knew she’d existed until today. Obviously, Delphine had done it because of her conversation with Emilie and her selfish ideals. Tom and Sabine both had been reluctant, and that was putting it mildly, to take her in reaffirming the fact that they had wanted no children. Although, their empathy ultimately won as her sister told her she would put Marinette up for adoption or even leave her homeless, alone to fend for herself.

It had come as a surprise to both Damian and Marinette who had actually reconciled after getting off on the wrong foot, but it didn’t stop the occasional glares or the brusque and impatient nature of Damian. However, Marinette had been too blinded by her crush on the cinnamon roll for her to realise that his iciness hadn’t completely thawed. Sure, he could tolerate her but he didn’t necessarily like her. He just put up with her because she was acquainted with Agreste, which led to many many third wheeling situations like now.

“I- Would you like to me out go? I mean me out you? I mean go out with me? On Sunday?” He actually had the audacity to snicker at her being tongue tied but a small part of him wanted her to get rejected. He liked their dynamic as it was, there was no need to complicate it with stupid feelings. The atmosphere felt tense and awkward, both things he had no idea how to deal with so he waited on the doorsteps of the rose garden’s entrance, which was a terribly cliché place to confess. If he knew Agreste, Marinette would come running with tears streaming down her face in

5...4...3...2...

There she came, her steps thundering down the narrow pathway as leaves and thorns entangled themselves in her hair. And if he knew Dupain-Cheng, she’d tell him the reason behind her tears in

3...2...1...

“He rejected me. He called me Piggy. It’s alright if you say it but it hurt when he did, it hurt. Do you think he said no because I’m not pretty or skinny enough?” She whined, pounding her puny fists against his chest.

‘Damn it, why couldn’t it be Grayson? He was always more suited to dealing with emotions than I ever was.’ He awkwardly patted her hair, humming a tune his mother would sing to him before she disappeared. It always seemed to soothe him and even when he hated Drake, he’d begrudgingly admit that he calmed him down when he was being bratty but never catty.

‘That word is reserved exclusively for Selina.’ He shuddered at the thought of being so closely linked to Catwoman.

‘Never again. Never. Again.’

“What’s never again?”

“Huh?”

“You were muttering it pretty hard under your breath.”

‘Yeah and you switched from upset to bubbly but ain’t nobody questioning you.’

“Uh yeah. I meant no boy will make you cry ever again except for me. And if they do, I’ll come right over and make you smile.” What was he saying? Why wouldn’t he just shut up? Now she’d think he was serious and she probably wouldn’t stop pestering him about it.

“Promise?” she cooed; her doe-eyes narrowed owlishly at him.

“Promise.” Man, he hated being caught off guard. It made him do some admittedly stupid things. Stupid, illegal things although in his defence, when was he not doing something illegal. It was literally his defining element and didn’t each boy who made Ma-Dupain-Cheng cry know it. Adrien had been lucky to escape with a tiny bruise on his forearm because of Marinette’s pleas, but he’d spare him no mercy next time.

In the span of six months, he had had more social interactions with Dupain-Cheng-the name was becoming such a mouthful that he considered calling her Marinette- than he had had in his entire life span. However, his presence was made redundant in the last 3 years as he hadn’t gotten any indication that she was still alive. No texts, no impromptu 3am calls, no nothing. She’d disappeared without a trace and whilst he felt relieved to be rid of his persistent acquaintance, he missed the fun and chaos they’d create.

With her unbridled creativity and his cunning and quick wit, none of his family were any match for them. They’d hide in vents, find secret passageways, watch security and not once would their whereabouts be detected. But now, he had no partner, no alibi and no one to build a pillow for with him. It seemed so childish but it was comfortable and alleviated the stress and pressure on him, giving him a chance to regress back to a childlike mentality. One he never experienced even after he broke free from the League’s clutches.

Even when Marinette despised him, she’d still soothe him when the memories became too vivid which was her biggest flaw but one of her redeeming qualities. She had no reason to help him, there was nothing to gain from his former arrogant egotistical ten-year-old self but she still voluntarily to calm him down.

When he would have trouble breathing, she’d stay with him, helping him even out his heart rate. When he would tussle with the sheets at sleepovers, she would lie awake with him, huddling herself closer to him before humming a sweet yet sharp harmony, lulling him to sleep. He would occasionally feel the light kiss on his forehead but was completely oblivious to Marinette slipping from his grasp.

She’d be sprawled on the floor near to him, looking tense and completely uncomfortable and yet she’d have a semblance of a smile etched across her face. He always had found it quite foolish but secretly endearing.

He'd been ignorant to think that she’d always be that close to him Always there to give him a much-needed hug even if he wrestled out of embrace. That she’d always be that close to him, running to him at his beck and call. The bleak reality slapped him across the cheek. The dwindling conversation was evidence enough that she’d be glad to finally be rid of him. He heard from Adrien that she had still been in contact with him regularly enough to know the ins and outs of her situation. He genuinely thought she was dead, although it was becoming more increasingly clear that she was wilfully ignoring him. Which stung. A lot.

Five years ago, Marinette was a bawling mess in Damian's arm. Three years ago, she had last heard from Damian. He seemed as though he was bored of their conversations yet Adrien had been telling her otherwise.

Adrien, Adrien, Adrien. The boy was oblivious as ever, even going as far to budge her in Damian’s direction.

‘Pfft! Damian, he’s blunt as hell but too nice for his own good. He’s cold yet he shows more empathy than everyone else I know. He’s warm and his hair is to die for. I love how soft it is when it’s not gelled back. But even if he is all that, Adrien’s held my heart for all these years and I’m not going to let some fluttering feelings, that Damian probably doesn’t return, ruin all my progress.’

Her progress consisted on growing out of her shell (and growing out her hair), experimenting new outfits and lip gloss. Plus, she learnt how to cook meals and bake pastries with her parents so that was a great thing that came out from those years of isolation. She’d also lost some weight and had been cutting back on the carbs, so when she had landed back in Gotham, she had been shocked to see a pile of high carb, fatty foods awaiting her. Her arms itched to try one and she was quite tempted to delve right in for old times’ sake but the look her aunt gave her stopped her short. A smug smirk, a haughty scoff and the condescending shake of the head was enough to send Marinette out without lunch. Oh well. She could always pinch some off of someone else.

Behind her, she could hear snippets of two distinctly female voices.

“Ugh... fat ass. Skirts too short.”

“Attention seeker.”

‘No, I’m not.’

“Bitch.”

‘Please, not again.’

“Rip it off. She’s practically parading around in her knickers anyways.”

‘Please just, leave me alone.’

She could hear their footsteps and their heavy breathing before blood-curdling squeals ripped through the air.

“IT’S DAMIAN WAYNE!” They shrieked, making her spin around in a daze. Surely it couldn’t be who they thought it was. They were just mistaken. Because, there was no way that this dude towering over her was the same guy who was incredibly shorter than her years ago. It couldn’t be. The guy with a jawline that was sharper than glass couldn’t be the same baby-faced Damian she knew. But the thing that caught her off guard was the mischievous gleam in his glowing green eyes. She’d recognise his beautiful eyes anywhere.

“What do you have to say for yourselves?” So that was new. His rather high-pitched tone replaced by a soothing baritone bass. It had been enough to send her into a trance but she was shocked out of her stupor when she felt a tug on her arm.

“Careful idiot. You nearly walked straight into traffic and you don’t want to turn into roadkill now.” He hissed. She could feel the pout on her face and the light flush of her cheeks at his proximity but willed herself to march on.

“You’re fine,” said one of the girls, trailing her finger down his chest. Marinette could feel her stomach churn in embarrassment plus jealousy and stopped in her tracks to rescue Damian from an awkward situation.

“That’s not what I asked though. Are you not going to apologise?”

“To who?”

“To her. You just insulted her for no reason and you’re tryna walk away.”

“Sorry.” They huffed before flashing strained smiles at Damian. They would have left if it wasn’t for Marinette’s intervention. And it was a sassy one at that.

“Last time I checked you insulted me. But it sounded like you were apologising to Pretty Boy over there. Aren’t you gonna say sorry to me or were you just being insincere?"

“We’re sorry.” They chorused after a few pointed glares from Damian yet that didn’t stop them from muttering the word ‘bitch' under their breath as they walked away.

“Hey Mary, you short stack how you been doing? Haven’t seen you for 5 years and of course you stopped speaking to me for about 3 but, hey, we move.”

“Actually, I thought you didn’t want to chat with me anymore so I stopped. And did your Dad force you to attend every ‘slang lesson' available because you actually talk like you’re genuinely our age. And Damian, learn my name. It’s been 5 years and you’ve said every variation of names that aren’t mine.”

“But how else are we gonna have our inside jokes.”

“By firstly using something funny. And remove your hand from around my shoulder, people are going to assume we’re dating. Especially with how fickle everyone here is.”

“I mean is there really a problem with us dating?” he said, wiggling his eyebrows.

“Yes, you know I love Adrien. We can’t give him the wrong idea about us.”

“I forgot, I promised that I’d help tutor the exchange student, Lila Rossi, I think. I’ll see you later?” And with that he slunk off, which in all honesty was pretty weird. Damian offering to help a random person? It sounded like more of an excuse. But she had to find Adrien first. To show him how much she’d changed. She’d dyed her hair to an inky black with tints of blue, gotten her ears pierced and actually wore skirts and dresses now. She’d savour his shocked pikachu face for ever with how speechless he’d be.

When she was about to wander the yard when she saw his blonde mop of hair glitter in the sunlight. She moved from an idle stroll to a brisk walk before breaking out into a sprint. But the sight in front of her made her blood boil as she heard Adrien scream...

“Hey, Piggy!” He had pulled a person, who was obviously not her, into a hug before gazing admiringly into their eyes. Eyes which were slightly prettier than hers. Well, it was always better to blend into the background or at least that’s what she told herself.

It didn’t explain the churning in her stomach, the tears pricking the corners of her eyes or the fact she’d choked on her spit.

What the hell was going on?!

Note

Lila Rossi and Marinette don't know each other, but it was convenient to use her in this situation.

This is also separate from Twisted Fate.

#daminette #damian x marinette #damienette #maribat #marinette dupain cheng #adrien agreste #lila rossi

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whimsicallyenchantedrose · 4 years

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Until the Stars Are All Alight–Ch. 11: Concerning Merry Men

Hello, and welcome to my entry for the Captain Swan Supernatural Summer 2019! This au combines two story ideas I’ve wanted to explore for a while. 1. What if CS existed in a Tolkien-esque, LOTR world? 2. What would have happened if it was Killian rather than Neal that Emma ran into when she was stealing the bug? Huge thank you to my beta, @blackwidownat2814, to @clockadile for the amazing story and chapter art, to @kmomof4 and @cssns for putting this event together, and to the ladies in the CSSNS chat who have helped me think through this story. If all goes well, I should be posting every Tuesday, and the story will have approximately 18 chapters plus the prologue and epilogue.

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Summary: CS Lord of the Rings au: When Emma Swan steals a yellow Volkswagen Beetle, she has no idea it will lead her toward an adventure filled with danger and intrigue, sacrifice and a love stronger than anything she could imagine. Tasked with bringing the Savior home, the elf, Killian Jones of Misthaven travels to the Land Without Magic. Can he convince Emma to fulfill her destiny before the Dark One regains power and takes over all of the Enchanted Forest?

Rating: T

Word Count: 5735

Other Chapters: (prologue) (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) (12) (13) (14) (15) (16) (17) (18) (19) (20) (21) (22) (epilogue)

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Enchanted Forest, 21 years ago

“Merry Men are a peaceful people, lovers of nature and the simple things in life. They revere justice and kindness above all, but they are more than capable of defending themselves vigorously when called upon to do so,” Liam explained to his company of knights as they made their way toward Nottingham Forest. “They are a race of hobbits, but you’ll find them far different from the hobbits with which you are familiar. In appearance they are nearly indistinguishable from human men and women, yet they are blessed with the longer life-span of the hobbit. Legend has it, the ancestors of the Merry Men intermarried with elves, which would explain their differences to others within their species.”

Liam droned on and on, but Killian couldn’t focus on his brother’s lecture.

In truth, he was still reeling over all the events of the last few months. He remembered the first time he sailed as a young lad. The feeling of vertigo, of being just slightly off balance until he got his sea legs under him, was something he’d never forget. It was what he was feeling now.

How did one wrap his mind around being at the center of a prophecy like this? The Savior would save their kingdom and their entire world with his help. What help was he to give her? How was he to provide this aid if he didn’t even know what it was? What if he failed? The thought of being the hope of an entire civilization hung heavily on him.

And then there was the other task with which he, Liam and the other knights had been tasked. Killian felt the broken sword knock his leg from beneath his coat where he had hidden it. It was an awesome and overwhelming responsibility the Jones brothers had been given.

The Misthaven counsel had wrestled for some time with the logistical problems they faced in the wake of the Dark One’s impending curse. How were they to seal the portal they created for Queen Snow and her unborn baby if Excalibur went with them to the Land Without Magic? How were they to keep the blade safe if it wasn’t sent with the royals?

Ultimately, it was a question of Liam’s that led to the solution.

“Your Highnesses, Merlin, what would happen if the sword was broken?” Liam asked.

“Broken?” King David asked. “I’m sorry, I don’t follow.”

Liam turned toward Merlin. “You told us the sword is the source of the Dark One’s power. If we were to destroy the blade, would that also destroy his power?”

Merlin was silent, thoughtful for a long moment, but then he shook his head. “I’m afraid it’s not so simple. The sword can be broken, yes, but it cannot be destroyed, at least not without paying the heaviest of prices.”

The fellowship seemed clearly downcast at that revelation, but suddenly Merlin gasped.

“Perhaps, Captain Jones,” he said, “you have inadvertently stumbled upon a solution after all. No, breaking the sword cannot destroy the Dark One’s power, but it can weaken it. Each portion of the sword would contain but part of the power. The Dark One would need to obtain both halves in order to retake his power.”

“Would one portion alone have sufficient power to open and seal a portal to the Land Without Magic?” Snow asked.

“Aye,” Merlin said. “It would be more risky, but I believe it could be managed. What are your thoughts, Your Highness?”

Snow stood with difficulty due to her rapidly expanding midsection. Turning to look at each member of the council around the table in turn, Snow continued excitedly. “Don’t you see? Wherever the sword is, we risk the Dark One or his minions taking it back by force, but if we break it, we have the ability to make it even more difficult to obtain. Send one portion to the Land Without Magic with Emma and me, and send the other...somewhere else. I know not where. That way, even if the Dark One finds and takes one portion, the other is still secreted away from him.”

With a portion of the sword still within the Enchanted Forest, even if it wasn’t physically at hand, Merlin would be capable of using the remainder to open and seal the portal before sending it through with the queen and unborn princess.

It was a good plan, the entire council agreed on that, and it was what led the Jones brothers and a hand-selected small group of knights to make the journey they were currently making.

The council had decided that the larger portion of the sword would be taken by the Jones brothers to Nottingham Forest, the home of the Merry Men. It would be safe there, out of the curse’s purview. The Jones brothers and their chosen band would escape the curse, and thus retain their memories. They’d be capable of protecting the broken sword, and they’d be ready to assist Queen Snow and Princess Emma when the time to break the curse and defeat the Dark One drew near.

“But why Nottingham Forest?” August asked as they continued their journey. “Why Merry Men? I’d barely even heard of them before this plan was devised.”

“Don’t you see?” Liam asked excitedly. “It’s the beautiful genius of the plan. The Dark One understands only power, control. It makes him a formidable adversary, but it may also prove to be his weakness. The Dark One will dismiss the Merry Men as small, powerless, as far from a threat to him and his rule as one can find. Nottingham Forest, the whole of Nottingham shire, is not beyond the Dark One’s reach, but it will be the last place he will expect the resistance to be found.”

“Liam’s right,” Killian said. “Arrogance will be the Dark One’s downfall, arrogance and greed. There is no better place to bide our time.”

Liam gave him a grateful look. “Thank you, Killian. I appreciate your support.”

“Don’t you know, brother?” Killian said, “I’d follow you to the ends of the earth.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Nottingham Forest, around 21 years ago

Robin Hood grinned as Friar Tuck, the man of the hour, stood up in front of the assembly to begin what was sure to be a long speech. Beside him, his wife tutted, muttering under her breath about windbags boring her to death. Robin’s grin widened.

When his first wife, Marian, passed away five years ago, just after the birth of their only child, Roland, Robin had fallen into a deep pit of melancholy, believing he’d never be truly happy again, but as so often happens, little by little he’d found reasons to smile again--listening to his infant son’s laugh, watching Roland take his first steps, the camaraderie he held with his merry men, the peace and serenity of their life in the shire.

Bad things happened. Such was life, but those bad things didn’t have to define one’s life. There was still plenty of happiness out there for anyone who wanted to pursue it.

Never had he felt this philosophy more strongly than the day he met Regina. An elf from the land of Misthaven, Regina had been quite powerful, but power corrupts, and Regina had been far less than content with the life she’d led.

She wanted to be queen.

She’d held a particular animosity toward the then crown princess, Snow White, due to a tragedy Snow had unwittingly set into motion when she was but a child. Regina had been filled with a hatred and malice fueled by pain. To that end, she’d attempted a coup upon the king of Misthaven--a coup that she’d had every intention of being fatal to the young princess.

Regina had been foiled in her attempt, and while some within the court of Misthaven had advocated for her death as a result, in the end the king had been merciful, merely banishing her from Misthaven.

For years, decades even, Regina had wandered the land aimlessly, but three years ago, she’d come upon the shire of Nottingham Forest. The Merry Men had been understandably wary of the elf, her reputation preceded her, after all, and her sharp tongue and ready insults did not do much to win her friends.

But from the first, Robin saw something more in her. She’d been a villain, there was no denying, and she had her faults still, but what being among them--elf, man or hobbit alike--could claim to be fully blameless? Underneath her prickly exterior, Robin could discern a good heart, a capacity to love and protect fiercely. Perhaps if she was given a bit of grace, even she could turn her life around.

To that end, Robin Hood had offered Regina a place in the shire. Robin grinned thinking of her initial skepticism at his offer. She’d maintained they smelled of forest and asked if they bathed with pine cones.

Always ready with a quip or a snarky remark, was his Regina.

Robin hadn’t pushed, letting the offer stand, yet letting her make her own decision on whether or not she would remain with them.

In the end, Robin believed it was Roland, naught but a toddler at the time, who had won Regina over. She’d been good with the lad from the very start, and he clearly adored her. In fact, in a bit of a blow to his ego, “‘Gina” had been Roland’s first word. Regina had since confessed to him that she was unable to bear children, but that in her heart was a hole she suspected would never be filled without a child of her own.

And so Regina had stayed, slowly becoming an accepted and even respected member of their community.

Robin had far more than respected her. In a far shorter time than he would have expected, he fell deeply, passionately in love with her. One year to the day after she’d appeared in Nottingham Forest, Regina and Robin were wed, the ceremony performed by none other than Friar Tuck himself, the man in whose honor they held their party this evening.

“My dear Merry Men,” Friar Tuck began.

“Hey!” came the yell from someone in the crowd.

“And women,” Tuck amended with a good natured grin, “Today is my one-hundred and eleventh birthday!”

A tremendous cheer erupted from the crowd. As hobbits, the Merry Men lived far shorter lives than the elves. Still, one hundred eleven was quite the ripe old age for one within their company.

“Alas!” Tuck continued, “Eleventy-one years is far too short a time to live among such excellent and admirable hobbits.”

Another cheer, even more enthusiastic than the first.

“I don’t know half of you half as well as I should like,” Tuck went on, a twinkle in his eye, “and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.”

There was quiet among the assembly as they attempted to work out just what he’d said, but to his side, Regina snorted a laugh, clearly appreciating the complicated insult.

Robin put an arm around his wife, keeping an eye on his son as he played with a group of children a few feet away, as Tuck continued, seeming to only be at the beginning of this year’s birthday speech.

It had been a tremendous celebration so far. There had been feasting, music, dancing, even a few fireworks. The Merry Men were always ready for a good celebration, and none was as elaborate or enjoyable as those thrown in honor of their friar’s birthday.

Robin was settling in, preparing for a long speech, when suddenly he was approached by Mulan, whose turn it was tonight to stand guard. She wore a troubled expression, and Robin was immediately on his guard.

“Is something amiss, Mulan?” he asked.

“I’m not sure,” she said, “a company of elven knights approaches.” She paused for a moment, glancing at Regina. “They bear the crest of Misthaven.”

Regina gasped, and Robin felt his heart pound. Aside from Regina, no resident of Misthaven had ever approached their camp. What could they possibly want?

“They’re after me,” Regina said, a grim set to her mouth. “Will I never be free of the label of villain? I knew it was too good to be true that they’d leave me in peace.”

Robin grabbed his bow and got to his feet. “A villain you may have been but you are a villain no more. You are my wife, and I will fight for you to my dying breath.”

“I’m more than capable of defending myself against a few elven knights,” Regina retorted, “but even so, I appreciate your help.”

“What are your orders, sir?” Mulan asked.

Robin thought for a moment. It was a situation that must be dealt with, but he didn’t wish to disturb the party or escalate any more than was necessary.

“Stay here,” Robin said finally. “You and Merida continue to guard the camp, but don’t alert our soldiers to the potential threat unless I give you the signal.”

Mulan nodded. “As you wish.”

“And what do you propose we do?” Regina asked as Mulan stepped away.

“See what they want, to begin,” Robin said, asking Little John to keep an eye on Roland and then walking in the direction Mulan had indicated. Grim expression firmly in place, Regina followed him, ready, Robin knew, to let the fireballs fly should the situation warrant it.

Robin and Regina made their way quickly but quietly to the borders of Nottingham Forest where Mulan had directed them. As reported, a small company--maybe fifteen knights--were awaiting him. Robin’s first instinct upon seeing them was to relax. Something about the way the knights held themselves, the fact that none of them were currently holding weapons, the pleasant, almost friendly expressions on their faces made Robin believe whatever brought the knights to their border did not bode them any immediate harm.

Robin turned toward the man in front, the one who appeared to be the leader. “You’ve reached the borders of my land, Sherwood Forest,” he said. “We are a peaceful people who like to keep to ourselves, but if you’ve come in peace, you’re welcome.”

The leader stepped forward and nodded to him. “We do indeed come in peace. I am Captain Liam Jones of Misthaven. This is my brother Lieutenant Killian Jones along with a company of our men. If I’m not mistaken, I’m addressing Robin Hood?”

“You are,” Robin said slowly, a bit taken aback at the fact this soldier seemed to already know him.

“And your wife needs no introduction,” Captain Jones said, bowing toward Regina. “Regina, it has been a long time.”

At his side, Regina bristled, and Robin could feel the restless energy in her. “I’ve stuck to the terms of my banishment,” she said through clenched teeth. “Queen Snow has no right to send her goons to attack me!”

The younger Jones brother seemed to bristle at the insult, stepping forward and reaching for his sword, but the captain stopped him with a hand to his arm. “Killian, let me handle this,” he said softly to his brother.

Killian Jones looked on the point of arguing, but finally stepped back in deference to his brother’s--and commander’s--order.

“I assure you, my lady,” Captain Jones said with a placating motion of the hand, “we have no intention of doing any such thing. Queen Snow is well aware of your adherence to her father’s orders. She knows how far you’ve come in turning your life around, and she wishes you well.”

Robin felt Regina relax at his side.

“I’m most glad to hear it,” Robin said, “but if you’ve not come for my wife, what brings you to Sherwood Forest?”

“A matter of utmost urgency, a matter that affects not only Misthaven, but the whole of the Enchanted Forest.”

Captain Jones gestured to his brother, and the lieutenant pulled a wavy, ornately carved broken sword from his scabbard.

“Excalibur!” Regina breathed.

“Indeed,” Captain Jones nodded.

“Why is it here? Why is it broken? What is going on back in Misthaven?” Regina demanded, stepping forward to look more closely at the blade, “And why does it bear the Dark One’s name?”

“All will be revealed,” the captain said, “but suffice it to say we are all in grave danger should this sword fall into the wrong hands.”

Robin was silent for a moment before stepping forward. “Perhaps we’d best adjourn to my tent. It appears we have a lot to discuss.”

An hour later Captain Liam and Lieutenant Killian emerged from Robin and Regina’s tent, approached their waiting men, and gave orders to begin making camp. Back in the tent, Regina gave Robin a troubled look. “Are you sure we’re doing the right thing allowing them to stay here with the sword?” she asked.

“Truth be told,” Robin answered, “I don’t know for sure, but I believe so. They made a hell of a case. Their presence, and especially that of the sword, might increase our danger, but as they said, if Rumplestiltskin gets the dagger, our entire world is doomed.”

Regina frowned, a look that used to strike terror in the elves of Misthaven. “If Rumplestiltskin even tries, I’ll make him wish he’d never been born.”

Robin laughed, leaning down to kiss his wife. “I believe you would, my love. I believe you would.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Land Without Magic, present day

Killian landed with a thud onto the forest floor. He got to his feet, rubbing the elbow that had landed on a tree root. Surely there was a better way to travel between realms.

Killian looked around, wondering where exactly he’d landed this time. Portals between realms were fickle things. One was capable of directing them to a particular realm, even a general area within a realm. One was not, however, capable of directing a portal to an exact location.

Seeing nothing but forest all around him, Killian simply began walking. He hoped the portal hadn’t taken him too far from his apartment, but there was no way to know for sure.

At any rate, the walk would do him good. He knew what he wanted--Emma. He wanted a life with her, years, decades living at her side, loving her. He wanted that wee son he’d seen in his vision, perhaps other sons and daughters. And aye, he wanted to persuade her to believe, to return with him to their native land and defeat the Dark One once and for all, but in the future he would be more judicious in the way he dealt with the subject. In retrospect, it was probably unwise the way he threw it all at her at once. It was more than anyone could have accepted.

Aye, he knew what he wanted, but how to get it was far more of an issue. There was no doubt they’d ended things on bad terms. She’d thought he was lying to her outrageously to drive her away. She’d thought he was merely playing with her.

The anger in her eyes as she left had wounded him, but far, far worse was the pain behind the anger. It tore at his heart to think of all of the bloody fools who had mistreated her, taken her for granted, disappointed her. That she thought he was among their number was perhaps understandable, but it was also agonizing. She deserved to be loved, cherished, adored, not because she was the Princess of Misthaven, but because of the kind, loving, passionate, determined woman she was.

But in order to treat her that way--and show her just how much she deserved such treatment--he had to find her first, and once he’d accomplished that, he had to convince her to give him another chance, to trust him.

Killian feared it would be quite the formidable task.

Finally finding a break in the forest, Killian stepped out into the clearing and smiled. He recognized the stretch of road he’d found. It was, in fact, the very same stretch of road he’d found upon his first entrance into this land. Not five feet away was the spot Mr. Smee had almost hit him with his automobile. He had no more than two or three miles to travel before he reached his apartment. Likely he’d reach his destination before the sun had fully set.

Killian trekked on at a leisurely pace, giving himself time to think about the first problem at hand--how to find Emma. He’d need the help of someone who knew this land better than he did. Perhaps he’d contact Mr. Smee tonight. He’d been quite helpful in the past. Maybe he’d contact the bail bonds company for which Swan worked.

As his mind churned out ideas, ways to tackle his most pressing problems, the walk went by quickly, and before he knew it, he’d reached his apartment complex.

The first thing Killian noticed upon opening his door was the fact that his lights were on. The second was a mug half filled with cocoa on the counter.

He was not alone.

“Hello?” he called out, hands balling into fists, prepared for the fight that would ensue should the intruder have malintent. “Who’s here, and what are you doing in my bloody apartment?”

There was a flurry of activity from the lofted bedroom above, and then suddenly she was there at the top of the stairs. She looked like an angel with her soft curls falling down her back onto her white sweater.

“Swan!” he breathed, heart leaping and tears coming to his eyes.

She stood still at the top of the stairs for a moment, but then suddenly she smiled, rushing into his open arms.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Three days.

It had been three days since Emma’s fight with Killian, and in that time he’d yet to return home.

At first Emma thought Killian simply needed space, a chance to be alone and process all that had happened between them, but as the hours and then the days ticked by, she rapidly became more and more concerned.

Not only had Killian never returned to their apartment, he’d never even returned to work. She’d checked with the harbormaster on the second day of Killian’s absence, and even the grizzled old man had seemed concerned when she told him she hadn’t seen him in days.

No matter what had happened between Emma and him, Killian would never just fail to show up at work. He was far too conscientious for that.

What if something had happened to him? What if he’d been so upset about their fight he'd been reckless, and his inattention had resulted in injury...or worse? What if he was lying dead in some ditch somewhere and no one had found him?

With every terrible scenario Emma imagined, her fear and nearly crippling anxiety increased. Oh God, what if he died and the last thing he remembered of her was that fight? What if he died thinking she hated him and never wanted to see him again?

Emma sat down on her bed in the loft, forcing herself to take slow, deep breaths. No matter what had happened or where he was, she wouldn’t be of any use to him if she gave in to panic.

But it was so hard to keep that panic at bay! She’d hardly just sat idly at home waiting for his return. She’d already done everything she could think of to find him. She’d called Smee, asked him to keep an eye out. She’d used some of her coworkers and connections at work. In a desperate moment, she’d even called the nearby hospitals to see if a John Doe matching Killian’s description had been brought in.

Nothing.

It was as though he’d disappeared off the face of the planet. What the hell could have happened to him?

She pulled on her favorite white sweater in preparation to hit the pavement once again tonight. It was a chilly evening, and she knew she would need all the warmth she could get.

Emma had just finished tying the laces on her boots when she heard a key in the lock.

“God please let it be him,” she murmured, “please, please let it be him.”

“Hello? Who’s here, and what are you doing in my bloody apartment?”

Emma jumped to her feet and rushed to the top of the stairs as tears of relief rushed to her eyes and spilled down her cheeks. It was him! He was finally back! She paused for a moment to take him in as he looked up at her in awe, a hushed “Swan!” issuing from his lips, and then she was running down the stairs, propelling herself into his arms.

She could no more keep her tears at bay than she could stop the soft pitter-patter of the rain that had only just begun to hit the window. He was back! He was alive! By all appearances he was well!

Emma clung to him so tightly he was probably finding it hard to breath, but far from complaining, he seemed to hold her just as tightly. Her tears soaked his jacket, and his fell on her head. She had a thousand questions about where he’d been, what he’d done, whether he’d forgive her for their last fight, but for long moments, none of it mattered. All that mattered was that he was back and in her arms.

She loved him. Gods how she loved him! It didn’t matter what insane crap they had to work through, she knew one thing for sure: she would never leave him again. Never.

Finally, after long moments, they pulled away far enough to look at each other.

“Emma, you’re here,” he said softly, reverently, bringing up one hand to hook a strand of hair behind her ear and cup her face. “I thought you’d be gone. I didn’t know if I’d ever see you again.”

“I’m sorry Killian!” she said, feeling another rush of tears. “I...I freaked out and ran. It’s what I do, but it took me only a few hours to I realize I missed you. I’m sorry!”

He smiled tenderly at her as he continued caressing her face. “You’ve nothing to apologize for Swan. I know how my revelation must have sounded to you. Your concern was justified.”

Emma frowned at his mention of his “revelation”. What he’d told her...it was freaking crazy. No way it could be true.

Killian seemed to notice her change in demeanor. “You still don’t believe me?”

Her troubled eyes sought his. “How can I Killian? Elves, magic, other realms? It’s nonsense, fairy tales. How could I possibly believe that?”

Killian sighed, dropping his eyes for a moment, before looking back at her. “Surely you can see I’m not lying to you, Emma.”

Her inner lie detector remained resolutely silent, but still… “Just because you believe something, doesn’t mean it’s true.”

“Just because you don’t understand something, doesn’t mean it’s false,” he countered.

She was silent for a moment, her unease increasing with the return to the topic that had led to their fight in the first place. Finally she cupped his face in her hands, bringing his forehead down to rest against hers. “Can we just drop it for now?” she asked. “It’s just...it’s just too much for me. I can’t believe like you want me to, but I don’t want to fight again.”

It took him a long time to answer. She could feel the tension in him, and for a moment, she feared he’d insist on continuing with this insane conversation, but finally he relaxed, smiling gently at her. “As you wish, love.”

Love

She knew it was an everyday figure of speech for him, but she could sense when he said it to her, it was something more. He meant it.

And suddenly Emma wanted to say it to him again, wanted to never stop saying it, wanted to never stop this thing that was between them.

“I love you,” she said.

His smile grew. “Aye, just as I love you, my Swan.”

“No,” She said, struggling to put her thoughts into words. “I mean I really, really love you. This feeling...it’s so big, so all encompassing. I’ve never imagined something like this before.”

She saw something leap in his eyes. Hope? Joy? Understanding?

“I think perhaps the phrase you’re looking for is True Love,” he said. In the way he said it, she knew it was a big, monumental thing to him.

“Yeah, true love,” she answered. “I truly love you.”

“Swan, you’ve no idea how beautiful those words sound,” he said, pulling her into his arms once again. “I truly love you too.”

Suddenly Emma knew what she had to do. It was insane, it was too soon, it was...well, it was one of the last things she’d ever expect herself to do, but it was right.

Emma stepped back, taking both of his hands in hers. “Killian, I know this is crazy. I mean we’ve only known each other a few months, and we just had a fight that nearly ended our relationship, but I know I want to be with you. Forever. Look, if this is too sudden or too soon or whatever, I get it, and you don’t have to feel like you have to answer the way I want. I mean, obviously. It’s your choice as much as it’s mine, and I don’t want to, you know, make presumptions--”

“Yes,” he said firmly, a look of such love and hope on his face, it made the tears rush to her eyes for what felt like the millionth time that day.

Emma laughed. “I haven’t even asked you a question yet.”

“I don’t care,” he said, squeezing her hands, “whatever the question is; my answer’s yes.”

She gave him a mock frown. “Nuh-uh, buddy. That’s not the way this works. You’ve gotta let me ask the question before you give me an answer.”

He laughed. “Very well, Swan, get on with the asking, then.”

Emma took a deep breath, waiting for the fear to come. This was a big step she was taking, after all, a really big step. But the fear never came, only a sense that this was the best, most right thing she’d ever done.

“Killian, will you marry me?”

A tear fell from his eye as his smile turned infinitely tender.

“Aye, my love,” he said. “Of course I’ll marry you.”

Her joy and relief swelled, and the smile on her face was so wide it hurt the corners of her mouth. “Good.”

He waited a second, and then his grin became mischievous. “Now, may I kiss my fiancee already?”

“What do you think?” she asked.

Killian surged forward, taking her lips in what Emma could only call an epic kiss. It was magical, beautiful, electric.

And the strangest thing happened as soon as their lips connected. Emma felt this massive surge of energy, like a shockwave or something, starting at their joined lips and rapidly expanding in every direction. It was like nothing she’d ever experienced.

“What was that?” Emma asked as they finally pulled away.

He looked wrecked, awed, so happy he was near to exploding with it. “That, my darling Swan, was True Love.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Misthaven, present day

Storybrooke was still, silent, the same as it ever was, day in and day out. The residents, cursed as they were, found nothing odd or unusual about this. They simply went about their day as always.

Suddenly a shockwave, tinged with all the colors of the rainbow spread throughout the town, and everyone it hit suddenly gasped, eyes truly opened for the first time in two decades.

In Granny’s diner, Snow White, who for decades had believed herself to be Mary Margaret Blanchard, leapt to her feet and rushed out the door, knowing only one thing: She had to find David.

There he was, running toward her just as quickly. They met in the middle of the main street of town, clasped in each other's arms, and the kiss that followed was nothing short of cataclysmic. When they finally pulled apart, David had tears in his eyes.

“She did it, Snow,” he breathed. “She broke the curse.”

Notes:

--Sorry again for the long delay between chapters, but at least I gave you some significant good moments to make up for it, right?

--I know better than to make promises, but I’m hoping to get into a better writing routine starting this week! My story for CSSNS 2020 drops this week, so now I have two WIPs to try my best not to get hopelessly behind on. If all goes well, I’ll write for an hour every Monday, Wednesday and Friday on this story, and every Tuesday and Thursday on the new one. (The new story is titled “More Than All the Jewels in the Realm”, and is kind of a time travel, soul mates story if you want to check it out.)

--So the Merry Men in my story are obviously my version of hobbits. As Liam mentioned, they aren’t small like hobbits though. You should imagine them as they appear in canon. Friar Tuck borrows Bilbo’s speech from the very beginning of the LOTR books/movies (how could I pass up the “I know half as many of you….” line? It’s classic! Lol.), but that’s as far as the correlation goes with this story. Friar Tuck is essentially like any random hobbit of the Shire in LOTR.

--This story is obviously inspired by OUAT, but it’s lore is not completely the same. Emma was able to break the curse before her 28th birthday (she’s 20 or 21 in this story). It’s the defeat of Rumple that’s prophesied for her 28th birthday.

--Up next: the conclusion of the flashbacks (although the story as a whole still has a good 8 or 9 chapters left). Rumple casts the curse--after having to pay a huge price--and David sends newborn Emma through the portal. In Misthaven at the present time, the elves, now awake from the curse, have to figure out their next move. Back in the Land Without Magic, Emma and Killian get to live a little domestic bliss. They’ve earned it, wouldn’t you say?

NEXT CHAPTER -->

#cssns #captain swan supernatural summer #my fanfic #cs/lotr crossover #until the stars are all alight

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sophisticatedloserchick · 4 years

Text

Fanfic - 3 Times Iris Tried (and failed) To Make Pancakes - 1/1

Summary: Three times Iris has tried (and failed) to make Barry pancakes through out their lives from childhood to married life.

Rating: PG

Word Count: 2322

A/N: Inspired from episode 6x17 where Barry made it clear Iris was never (and never will be) good at making pancakes XD

1. When they were kids

The first month Barry stayed at the West home he barely ate a thing.

After his mom died, and his dad went to prison, Barry felt like his body went into shock. His appetite disappeared and he lost track if he ate at every meal time. The breakfasts and dinners Joe prepared went half eaten as Barry spent most of his time pushing around the food on his plate as we waited till he could be excused from the table. He'd keep his head down the entire time as he could feel Joe's concerned eyes staring him down.

Which is why he felt a sense of relief one Sunday morning that Joe had gone into work early. Barry didn't want to deal with the disapproving eyes and lectures about needing to take better care of himself.

On this particular Sunday morning he planned to lie in bed for as long as he could. Nothing motivating him to get up and do anything. But instead of lying in bed alone with his thoughts he heard the sounds, that he assumed came from Iris, of pots and pans clashing and loud pop music blasting. Curious and a little concerned he headed downstairs wondering what he'd find.

What he ended up walking into was a kitchen in complete disarray. Piles of dirty dishes were in the sink. The floor covered in patches of white flour. A stick brown substance covered all the counters and cupboards. Thin grey smoke curled in the air and the smell of burnt charcoal made Barry's eyes water.

And there right in the middle of it all his best friend danced to Janet Jackson songs while flipping pancakes onto a plate.

“Barry!” She exclaimed when she spotted him. “Finally you're up. I thought I'd have to drag you out of bed.”

Barry went red at the idea of his best friend, and not so secret crush, coming into his bedroom while he still laid in bed. The one downside to this new arrangement is having your crush right down the hall where she could pop in on you at anytime.

“What are you doing?” Barry asked trying to deflect his embarrassment. His green eyes took in the streaks of flour across her face and the dried batter splattered across her apron making her just as much of a mess as the kitchen.

“Making pancakes duh,” Iris rolled her dark brown eyes playfully at him. “They're your favourite right? I know you haven't had any in a long time so I wanted to make you some.”

Barry stood there with his mouth gaped open at her remembering. The thought that Iris went to the trouble to make him pancakes surprised him but also made a prickling warmth spread through his body. He couldn't remember feeling this kind of happiness since his mom died.

“Go set the table and I'll get our plates ready,” Iris ordered as she went back to flipping the pancakes not at all concerned about the clouds of grey smoke coming off the pan.

Barry obediently followed orders though the idea of actually eating her pancakes filled him with dread. His best friend had many talents, but none of them included her abilities in the kitchen.

Five minutes later Iris came into the dinning room with two plates of pancakes. A proud smile spread across her face as she deposited the plate in front of Barry. The dread he felt increased ten fold as he got an actual look at the pancakes. They were misshapen to a shape Barry didn't think a name for it existed, their colour was a shade a pancake should never be, and he swore he saw lumps in them.

Any sane person would of pushed that plate away and refused to eat. But then Barry took one look at Iris to see her practically vibrating with excitement, her brown eyes shinning as she looked at him, and knew he couldn't say no.

“Mine probably aren't as good as your mom's,” Iris said almost looking a little bashful, “But I promise to keep trying to get better at it because I know you love them.”

The thought of his best friend putting in all that effort to make him happy gave him the motivation to finish the whole plate.

Even if he did regret it later when he got a stomach ache.

2. When they were dating

Barry woke up to the loud beeping of the fire alarm going off in his apartment.

In his half asleep state he struggled to throw the bed covers off his body. He immediately noticed Iris wasn't sleeping in the bed beside him and his heart dropped to his stomach. He already had a hunch as to what set off the fire alarm.

Barry ran straight towards the kitchen where clouds of grey smoke were already spilling out from. As he entered the room his eyes immediately took in two things. One, Iris standing away from the stove with a spatula in hand but otherwise unharmed. Two, the cast iron pan on the stove currently had orange flames shooting out of it.

Acting on instinct Barry grabbed a lid to cover the pan to smother out the flames, next he turned off the burner, then grabbed a towel to move the pan into the sink. All of this occurred in a span of ten seconds but for Barry it felt much longer.

After he felt satisfied the lid had snuffed out the fire Barry turned his attention to a sheepish looking Iris.

“Good morning baby,” Iris said in her sweetest voice, the one she knew made Barry melt. “Did you have a good sleep?”

Barry gave her a withering look before taking in the rest of the kitchen. He noticed the tell tale signs of what Iris tried to make with the flour covering the counter, and spilled milk and broken egg shells.

“Iris,” Barry sighed as he looked back at her, “Were you trying to make pancakes? Alone?”

“I wanted to surprise you,” Iris folded her arms across her chest looking adorably put out. “You always make me breakfast in bed since we started dating. I didn't want to be a bad girlfriend who didn't return the favour.”

Thats because I can make pancakes without burning the kitchen down, Barry thought to himself but didn't dare speak it out loud.

Cooking remained a touchy subject with Iris. After years of failures, and food poisonings, and kitchen fires, she still remained convinced if she just kept trying then magically one day she'd become a great cook.

Barry having been her test subject for many years had his doubts her lack of cooking talents could be turned around. Now as her boyfriend of three months Barry struggled to dance around the subject. Luckily Iris kept incredibly busy with her job at the paper and helping Team Flash that her go to in the kitchen involved ordering take-out. She also tended to sleep in late on the weekends which meant Barry typically got up first and did all the cooking. He'd hope to avoid the situation of Iris cooking for him for as long as possible.

“You're not a bad girlfriend,” Barry rushed to reassured her. “Besides you know I love making you breakfast.”

Iris nodded at his words but Barry could tell by the look on her face she wasn't convinced.

Without the threat of his kitchen burning down Barry could now take a better look at her. Heat curling in his stomach when he noticed the she only had on his oversized CCPD grey shirt. The hemline barely hitting the top of her thighs giving him a clear look at her shapely legs. Her petite body swimming in the excess material of the large shirt. After a few months of dating He still felt a quiet possessive thrill when she wore his clothes, and he'd happily give her his entire wardrobe if he could.

Barry moved towards her like a moth drawn to a flame. His arms wrapping around her smaller frame and pulling her in close. He buried his face in the soft skin of her neck breathing in the sweet scent of her soap. He could feel her relaxing in his arms as her body melted against his.

“Listen let me clean up and then I'll make your favourite chocolate chip pancakes,” Barry kissed the exposed skin of her neck earning a soft giggle from her. “And you can make our coffees.”

“Okay,” Iris sighed under Barry's attentions as she pressed closer to him. “But I swear Bar one day I'll make you the best pancakes.”

Barry knew Iris meant that as a sweet promise but to him it came off a little bit like a threat.

3. When they were married

In a flash of red lighting Barry returned to his home.

He'd been out all night and early morning dealing with on meta-human after another. He hated being away from his family especially on the weekends when he ideally wanted to hang up Flash duties to be with them. But as the protector of the city he had to answer the call if needed.

He pulled off his cowl and headed towards the kitchen. He planned to cook Iris and Nora a huge breakfast of their favourite chocolate chip pancakes, waffles with whip cream and bacon and eggs, to make up for him being gone. His plans quickly changed as he headed towards the kitchen he heard voices talking.

Slowing his steps and walking quieter Barry peered around the corner of the kitchen to see his wife and daughter. Both were still in their pyjamas and their hair piled messily on tops of their heads. Nora stood on top of a chair in order to be tall enough to reach the counter. Iris whisked a batter in a large bowl while Nora poured over the open cookbook.

Warmth spread through him watching his two girls. It was almost enough to distract him the sense of dread he felt to see Iris getting ready to cook.

“Mama is it suppose to be that lumpy?” Nora went up on her tip toes and looked into the bowl with a face scrunched up in distaste.

“Lumps are not that big of a deal,” Iris said even while she continued to furiously whisk the batter, “They'll dissolve eventually...I think.”

“Daddy's pancakes don't have lumps,” Nora pointed out in a kind of bluntness only a child could have.

“Nora,” Iris gave her a mock stern look, “What did we say about comparing my pancakes to daddy's?”

“Not to do it,” Nora mumbled as her shoulders slumped.

“Good girl,” Iris patted on her head before going back to whisking.

She continued to struggle for another five minutes before Barry decided he needed to intervene for everyone's best interest.

“There's my two best girls,” Barry proclaimed loudly as he walked into the kitchen.

Both Iris and Nora looked at him with matching wide eyed looks that quickly dissolved into elation.

“Daa-adddy!” Nora scrambled down from the chair and ran over to him. Barry bent down and easily scooped her up into his arms and cuddle her close to his chest. Nora threw her small around his shoulders in a hug.

“What are you two making?” Barry asked casually as he tried to hide the concern on his face when looking at the batter in the bowl Iris had been whisking. He noticed the lumps right off and the thickness of it concerned him too.

“Mama is trying to make pancakes,” Nora whispered loudly to him. “But I don't think its going so well.”

“Alright you two I get it,” Iris scowled at the both of them. “You both will be eating bananas for a week if you're not careful.”

Barry and Nora both knowing Iris never made an idle threat schooled their expressions to not give themselves away.

“Nora why don't you go set the table,” Barry put his daughter back on the ground, “Your Mama and I will finish the pancakes.”

After Nora scampered off Barry turned his full attention to his wife who looked less than pleased.

“Why can't I get this?” Iris sigh in frustration. “Its pancakes, not rocket science!”

“Iris come on don't be upset,” Iris wrapped his arms around his wife's waist to pull her in close. “You're talented at so many things. You're an accomplished journalist, you got the most deadly punch in the family, you win every game of spades and pictionary we play.”

“Keep going,” Iris's elbow nudged into his side. “What else am I good at?”

“You're also the most amazing mother and wife in the world,” Barry bent to press a soft kiss to her cheek. “Not to mention smart, funny, and absolutely stunning. You're basically perfect but everyone needs to have one or two flaws. Yours just happens to be cooking.”

“Okay, okay I get it,” Iris laughed and to Barry's pleasure snuggled in closer to him. “You can stop laying it on so thick smooth talker.”

“I speak nothing but truth,” Barry said while he tilted his head to steal a kiss from her.

As they parted from the kiss Barry could see Iris didn’t look upset anymore but instead he saw mischief in her dark brown eyes.

“Well I guess lucky for me my husband is excellent at cooking,” Iris gave him a coy smile as she pushed the bowl of batter towards him. “Hope you can make this work honey, I'm going to go make myself coffee.”

Barry stared down at the lumpy mess Iris left him and figured he'd have better luck beating a army of meat-humans blind folded with one hand tied behind his back then make good pancakes out of it. But he would do anything for his wife so he'd definitely planned to try.

#the flash #westallen #barry allen #iris west allen #fanfic #sophisticatedloserchickwrites

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