#and it's been like 7 months since i tried to Off myself and like 2 months since i last majorly Wanted to
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Tardy - T.C.
part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 | part 6 | part 7 | part 8 | part 9 | part 10 | part 11
Tara Carpenter x Fem!Reader
Warnings: None??
Summary: You come late to a class one day, and an unexpected friendship, (and maybe more) blossoms.
Word Count: 1.5k
A/N: Woo! This was a long one to write, and i'm not sure if i added enough fluff in there, but if you guys want a part two, i'm happy to write more :)
You had been pining over this girl for six months. At first it was all fun and games, just some motivation to get up and into class each morning. But soon with every nice gesture and soft smile she sent your way, it turned into something more.
Tara Carpenter.
She was the prettiest girl you've ever laid your eyes on, with wide doe eyes and freckles littered everywhere across her face. You'd noticed her one particular day when you had realized you overslept, rushed into class, in nothing but your jamies and an oversize hoodie.
When you opened the doors, a little loud, okay maybe a lot loud, everyone's heads snapped to you. You stilled, acutely aware of everyone’s eyes on you.
A small giggle sounded through the room, and you locked eyes with a short-looking brunette.
Feeling embarrassed enough to last a lifetime, you quickly hurried over and sat next to the girl, a blush rising up your neck at everyone still staring.
"As I was saying..." The professor began, to which most people took their eyes off you and focused back on the lesson. You breathed out a sigh.
"That was quite an entrance, if I do say so myself." A voice sounded beside you.
When you turned your head to look at her, the comeback you had so cleverly thought up died in your throat.
"I- um, hi! Yeah, it was a crazy day, see- I just went to a party last night and I might've gotten crazy drunk and then forgot to set my alarm and woke up and realized we had a test today, so I really wasn't thinking about my outfit, but-" You stopped when you realized you'd been rambling, the blush rising to the tip of your ears now, though for a totally different reason.
The girl cocked an eyebrow up and gave a tiny smirk.
"Sorry, my name's YN. I'm not usually this stupid." You offered her a handshake, head turned down in embarrassment.
"A handshake?" She asked a little teasingly, but took your hand nevertheless.
Deciding you'd already embarrassed yourself enough for one day, you turned back to the teacher, determined not to act stupid in front of this pretty girl.
"Tara." She mumbled after a while, but loud enough for you to hear.
"I'm sorry?"
She turned to you and tilted her head a bit, like staring hard enough would allow her to read your mind.
"My name's Tara." She said, giving you another soft smile.
You felt your lips start to tug upwards at the ends, and a giddy feeling, like butterflies entered your stomach.
"Pleased to meet you, Tara."
_
The both of you never talked about the routine you got into, but ever since that first day, when you walked into class and scanned the room, you would always look for Tara first.
She would always leave a seat beside her for you, death glaring anyone that tried to sit in it.
It was a comfortable situation, and you were content in being in her company, even though it was only for a few hours.
You’d bring her and yourself some coffee, quickly remembering what her go-to order was.
Sometimes you guys would study together in the library, throwing flirty comments and looking at each other longer than friends should.
You couldn’t help but get distracted sometimes in class, what with such a gorgeous girl next to you, how could you not?
Unbeknownst to you, Tara would also sneak some peeks in, but she was a lot more discreet about it. You never caught her staring once.
-
But on one random Tuesday morning, she wasn't there. It was weird of Tara to not be there before you, since you were always late, but you shrugged it off and figured she might've gotten lost on the way to class. She would never miss a class in her life. You brushed the nagging feeling in your chest away.
Halfway through the lesson, the nagging feeling turned into outright worry. Tara would never miss a class without an important reason, and if she did, she would have at least texted you about it. The two of you had grown pretty close in the last semester.
y/n: Hey, are you okay?
She never answered.
As soon as the class ended, you sprinted outside and started running.
Finding the way to Tara's apartment was a bit challenging, seeing as though you'd never been there before. But Tara had given the address to you once, during a frat party you attended together.
You swayed on the heels of your feet anxiously, hoping Tara was home and not out somewhere dangerous. You had heard news of a new killer around, though you didn't pay it much attention. You certainly didn't want Tara to be one of his victims though.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
A girl you'd never seen before opens the door, expression clearly annoyed. She looked a bit like Tara, but her demeanor was all dark and gloomy, completely unlike Tara.
"Um...is Tara home?" You mumbled, starting to feel small under her intense gaze.
"And who the hell are you? " She asked, eyebrows furrowed, arms crossed in front of her chest.
"YN?" Came a voice from inside, and you immediately recognized it as Tara's.
The girl at the door was pushed aside gently, and you looked down to see Tara, a curious expression painting her face.
"Ohmygod i'm so glad your okay. I was so worried I thought that psycho killer might've gotten you." You mumbled as you pulled her in for a tight embrace, her face nuzzling in the side of your neck. A small giggle erupted from the girl, and she held you a little tighter.
You stayed like that for a while, until someone loudly cleared their throat beside you.
You pulled away quickly, forgetting that there were other people present, and straightened up, raising your hand to the girl who greeted you at the door.
“Sam? Is everything okay?” Came a male voice from inside the apartment.
“Yeah, we’re good Chad!” She shouted back, still eyeing you like you were scum on earth.
You took a breath and stepped forward, raising your hand and meeting her eye.
"Hi. I'm YN." She eyed your hand, arms still crossed and very much still looking furious.
"A handshake?" She shot Tara a look, expressing something like a "really? this is the one you pick?"
"Yeah i'm sorry if i'm intruding, I just wanted to make sure Tara was okay since she didn't come to class today." You explained.
The older girl was fast to snap back, "You are, and you've seen her, so you should leave now."
"Sam!" Tara exclaimed, taking a hold of your wrist to prevent you from leaving.
"It's okay Tara, I don't mind. As long as I know you’re okay, then I’m good." You whispered, making sure she looked you in the eye to express how serious you were.
Her eyes softened a little, before turning to Sam and speaking slowly.
"He must've saw her come up. We can't let her go. She might get attacked."
You furrowed your eyebrows, starting to get confused about what they were talking about.
Sam must've saw the look in Tara's eyes, because she rebuffed her immediately, glaring at you as she said, "Absolutely not. I know nothing about her, you know nothing about her. For all we know, she's the killer!"
At that you step in.
"Woah, woah woah. I just gotta defend myself here and say I don't know what you're talking about right now, but I am most definitely not a killer." You winked at the older girl, trying to keep the mood light.
Oh shit. That sounds exactly like something a killer would say.
"I mean-! I'm just Tara's friend, I wanted to make sure she was okay. She never misses class so I came to check on her." You hurried out, seeing the look of suspicion growing on Sam's face.
"Please, Sam. How many innocent people are you gonna let die? And if she is the killer, then we'll have her right here with us! We'll keep an eye on her." Tara pleaded, though her tone was more pressed than anything.
Sam let out a scoff, and walked away, further into their apartment.
You’re left standing in the hallway corridor, not really sure what just happened.
"I guess that's a yes." Tara sing-songed and smiled at you, pulling you in and closing the door and giving you a peck on the cheek.
Your eyes widened and you tried your best not to gulp, but by the way Tara's smile turned even bigger, you know you failed.
"Come on, let's go meet the others." She tugged on your wrist, which she was still keeping a death grip on. Effectively dragging you forward to the living room.
You snap out of your daze and start to follow her, but not before asking a question you should’ve asked about five minutes before.
"What's this about me being a killer again?"
#tara carpenter#tara carpenter x reader#tara carpenter x y/n#jenna ortega x reader#jenna ortega#scream vi#tardy
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Hey
Can you please write a Joe x wife reader where Joe and reader have been trying to get pregnant for a while and then reader finds out their pregnant and tells Joe in a cute way and he can’t contain his happiness
Pairing: Joe Burrow x fem first person
Words: 1600
Notes: since it’s my bday week and I’m having so much fun writing, I’m trying to get out fics a little faster this week! :)) thanks for the Request. <3
My eyes filled with tears as soon as I flipped over the pregnancy test and saw those two blue lines on the ClearBlue test. For 7 whole months Joe and I have been trying to get pregnant. We started after our wedding, hoping to see those two blue lines within two weeks, but two weeks turned into a month, and one into seven. Every single time we flipped over that test and saw one line and not two, we tried our best to stay positive, but it was hard. There were so many tears and I felt like we should just give up. I didn’t know how many more times I could take Joe’s same speech over and over again about how no matter how long it took, we would have our little family one day.
But now I was pregnant. I didn’t have to look into Joe’s eyes and tell him we weren’t pregnant for the millionth time. I didn’t have to stare into Joe’s blue eyes while he tried to hold back tears of sadness and watch as the hope was slowly draining from him.
As I looked up at myself in the mirror, tears rolled down my face and onto the counter under me. I was going to be a mom. It felt surreal to look at my stomach and realize that there was a little growing baby inside. I put my shaking hand over my mouth and I couldn’t stop looking at those 2 blue lines and at myself in the mirror. I couldn’t believe it. I felt like I was on top of the world and thinking about telling Joe in just a couple of hours when he came home from practice overjoyed me. “I’m pregnant.” I told myself, not able to contain my excitement.
For the next two hours, time seemed to be going so slow. Every time I looked at my phone and expected a half an hour to pass, only ten minutes passed. I was restless. I wanted to tell Joe so badly. I wanted to see the look on his face when he realized he was going to be a dad in just nine months. Not only were we going to be parents together, but I would get to raise a child with the most amazing man ever who isn’t just easy on the eyes, but is an incredibly person inside and out.
When I finally got the text from Joe saying he was on his way home, I practically sprinted upstairs and to my nightstand drawer where I kept a little mini Joe Burrow jersey and laid that down on the bed with the test on it. From the moment we started trying to get pregnant, I knew that I wanted to surprise him with his little jersey for our little son or daughter to wear when they’re born.
I sat on the bed and tried to pick through my different emotions. I was nervous, anxious, happy, worried, but mostly excited. Excited to be a mom. Excited to start our little family. From the moment I fell in love with Joe, I knew I wanted to create a family with him and now that was becoming a reality. Before we knew it, we’d have a little mini Burrow running around the house acting like a fool, and I couldn’t wait. Hey, maybe I was even carrying twins.
Before I knew it, I heard the front door swing open and just like clockwork, Joe said, “I’m home.” As soon as he said this, I couldn’t hold back the tears and started to cry some more. I just couldn’t contain the excitement. “Jordyn?” Joe called out, sounding a little worried, wondering why I wasn’t running over to give him a hug and ask him how his day was like usual. I wiped off a tear and sniffled back the tears a little bit. “Up here.” I answered him and stood up to meet him by the door. As I walked to the door frame, I could hear Joes footsteps getting closer and closer. My heart beat so incredibly fast in my chest and I couldn’t stop smiling.
As soon as Joe came into view and saw me crying, he dropped the bag that he was holding immediately. “hey, hey, are you okay?” He asked me and wrapped my in his arms. One hand was placed around my waist, pulling me closer to him, and the other was placed on the back of my head. With a smile, I wrapped my arms around his neck, running my fingers through his hair he decided to grow out for the season. “Everything is more than okay, Joey.” I said. Once I said this, Joe pulled back to look me in the eyes and once he did, I noticed the slightly confused look on his face.
Leaning forwards, I placed a small kiss on joes lips and then let out a breath I didn’t even know I was holding in. “Go look on the bed.” I said. Joe looked past me and at the bed and noticed something laying on it, but I could tell he was still confused. Dropping my arms from around Joes neck, he slowly let go of me as well and walked closer to the bed. I followed after him, waiting for him to realize that he was going to be a dad.
A small gasp left Joe’s lips as the realization that I was pregnant set in. I couldn’t help but smile as he reached down and grabbed the pregnancy test. After a few seconds, I walked to the side of him and watched as he ran his fingers over the mini jersey while holding the pregnancy test in his other hand. As I studied Joe’s face, I started to get nervous. There was almost no emotion or expression on his face. What if he changed his mind about kids? What if he didn’t want me to be pregnant right now.
Before I started to freak myself out more, Joe looked over at me with those gorgeous, tear filled blue eyes. “Oh wow.” Joe said simply as his bottom lip began to quiver slightly. I sucked in a breath at his reaction and started to cry more myself. Joe put his hand on his chest and took a step back, taking everything in. He kept looking at me, then the pregnancy test, me, then the pregnancy test. “I’m going to be a dad?” Joe asked me excitedly. “You’re going to be a dad.” I said, wiping off a tear that streamed down my cheek. The both of us started crying more as he closed the distance between us and wrapped his arms around me. Without me expecting it, he picked me up off of the ground gently and spun around in a circle, a little excited laugh leaving his mouth. I giggled while up in the air before he placed me back down on the ground.
Once down on the ground, we both held each other so incredibly tightly, so overwhelmed with the news. I buried my head in Joe’s chest and I could tell he was crying quietly. Unlike every other time we flipped the test over, they were happy and relieved tears. After so long of trying and feeling like nothing would work, he was finally going to be a dad. “I can’t believe this,” Joe said and pulled his head back, revealing his red eyes and nose, “our little baby’s in here right now.” He said, letting out a deep breath while looking down at my stomach.
It was hard for me to talk because of the tears. I opened my mouth to say something, but I knew if I tried to talk I would cry harder. With a smile, Joe took his hands off of me for a second and swiped his thumbs under my eyes to catch the tears before holding my face gently in his hands. He nodded with a small smile, letting me know he understood what I wanted to say. Letting go of Joe, I did the same thing and swiped under his eyes, getting a laugh out of both of us before gently grabbing his wrists, the both of us just gazing into each other’s eyes. I took a deep breath and let it out with a small laugh.
“We’re gonna be parent’s, Joey. Can you believe it?” I asked him. Joe just shook his head and looked back at the pregnancy test. “No. No, not really.” He chuckled and sniffled a little. “At least we know why you were sick this morning before I left for practice.” Joe said. “I totally thought it was those crab legs, they looked a little bit odd.” I giggled. Joe laughed and nodded. “They did look a bit funky didn’t they?” As we looked into each others eyes, Joe looked at me like I was the most beautiful, fragile, perfect women on the entire planet before closing the distance and placing a kiss on my lips. When we pulled away, we rested our foreheads together while making eye contact. “I love you…and our baby,” Joe said and looked down at my stomach, “more than anything in the entire universe.” Joe said. “Even SpongeBob?” I joked with him. “Yes, even SpongeBob.” Joe laughed and nodded. “Well in that case, I love you…and this baby,” I said and glanced down at my stomach like Joe did, “more than anything in the entire universe as well Joseph Lee Burrow.” I said.
#joe burrow#joeburrow#cincinnati bengals#nfl#joe burrow bengals#joe shiesty#joey b#bengals#joey burrow#joe burr#joe burrow imagine#joe x reader#joe#joe burrow fic#joe burrow fan fic#joe burrow x reader#fluff#nfl imagine#imagine#nfl fan fiction#pregnancy fic
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It’s Really Over, Isn’t It?
A/N: this is a repost from when i first started my blog
Word Count: 1.6k
Part 2 Part 3
7 months and 23 days. That’s how long it’s been since you last saw Eddie. You spent 3 years together, pushed him to focus on graduating, until he pushed you out. At least that’s how you saw it.
You knew he wanted to take Corroded Coffin farther than Gareth’s garage, farther than The Hideout, farther than Hawkins, but you always figured he’d wait for you. He always knew your plans to go to college, and promised to stick around for you. He must’ve forgotten about that promise.
“Y/N I can’t stay here. I need to leave, need a fresh start, need to make something of myself other than being a freak and an outcast.”
“And what about me Eddie? Do you not remember the promise you made to me? That you’d wait for me? That we’d start fresh together?”
“Then come with me.”
“You know I can’t do that Eddie. We both have dreams and we both need to make those come true but I don’t understand why you can’t do that here?”
“This is Hawkins! No one cares about me or about my music here!”
“I care about you! I care about you and I thought you cared about me too.”
“I do but… I’m sorry I need to do this for myself. Wait for me. I’ll be back. I promise.”
“I’ve heard those words before.”
Even though he shattered your heart into a million pieces, you did what he asked. You waited. You waited for months without a visit, a letter, or even a phone call. You waited until you couldn’t wait anymore.
Starting to come with the terms that he wasn’t coming back, you doubled down and tried your best to move on. You focused on your school work and got a job at the local video store. You soon became close friends with the other people who worked there, Steve and Robin. You faintly remembered them from school but never had a conversation.
They comforted and consoled you every time you came into work with mascara stained tears on your face, or when they watched the way you jumped every time a boy with long brown hair and a jean jacket walked in.
You and Steve grew particularly close, both of you bonding over your recent heartbreaks. The two of you never had the intention of starting a romantic relationship with each other, but after spending so much time together and having so much in common, it kind of just happened.
Steve had finally gotten fed up with both living in Hawkins and living with his parents, so he decided to get a place of his own. Feeling the same way, it was only natural that you’d go with him. At least someone wanted you to be part of their plans.
It was finally moving day, and Steve gathered a couple of his friends to help you guys pack and load everything into the back of the BMW. It also gave you guys time to say your goodbyes before you start living like true adults. You weren’t going to be too far from Hawkins, but you knew you weren’t going to have as much time to visit as you’d like.
“All right babe, I think that’s the last of it.” Steve says, shutting the trunk full of boxes. You smile and nod before turning to the gang.
“My god I can’t believe you guys are leaving me.” Robin blurted, pulling you in for a hug. “Now who’s going to help me pick out cute girls at the store?”
You chuckled, “I guess you’ll have to leave that to Keith.” Robin makes a gagging noise before pulling Steve in for a hug as well.
“Hey, you.” You look at Dustin, seeing tears trying to form in his eyes. “We’re only going to be 30 minutes away. And you can visit anytime you want.” You reassure him, rubbing his shoulder.
“Just sucks. First Eddie and now you guys…” He trails off. You feel a pit in your stomach at the mention of his name. No one really talked about him around you, not wanting to bring up the pain again. “Shit. Sorry.”
You smile, shaking your head. “It’s okay Dusty Bun.” You wrap your arms around him, squeezing tight. “I’ll be back soon.”
You turn to the sound of keys jingling, looking to see Steve motioning you into the car. You say your final goodbyes before hopping in the passenger seat.
The drive is quiet. Nothing but the radio and the sound of cars passing by. Your head is leant up against the window, watching the Hawkins trees slowly disappear in the car mirror.
Steve takes notice, placing a hand on your thigh. “You okay?” You jump at his sudden touch.
“Y-yeah i’m fine.” You place your hand over his and flash a smile. You weren’t fine. You couldn’t get Eddie out of your head. It wasn’t Dustin’s fault for bringing him up, but ever since you heard his name leave his mouth, it’s all you could think about.
About how he was supposed to be the one you got an apartment with. He was supposed to be the one you left Hawkins with. He was supposed to be the one you started the rest of your life with. But you had to push that all behind you. You had Steve now, and Eddie wasn’t coming back. It had been 7 months for christ’s sake.
Finally reaching the apartment complex, Steve stays behind to fill out the remaining paperwork while you start to bring the boxes inside. The apartments are decent, not glamorous by any means, but definitely the nicest units you and Steve could afford.
You were walking up the stairs to your new home, box in hand when you heard a familiar voice. It caught you off guard. You knew that voice. It sounded just like Eddie, but you brushed it off thinking it could never be him.
You set the box down outside the door before running back to the car to grab another box. Walking back up the stairs, you see a tall man with long curly hair and a leather jacket on. There’s absolutely no way it’s him. At least that’s what you thought. He turned to face you when he heard your footsteps, and the both of you stopped dead in your tracks.
“Y/N?” He questioned. You could feel the heat rushing to your head, trying to figure out if this was reality or if you were dreaming. “Hey… it’s me.”
“Eddie.” You blurt out, blinking your eyes rapidly to see if you could wake yourself up. It doesn’t work, and you’re faced with quite possibly the worst thing that could happen to you on this day. “Hi.”
“Hey… uh what are you doing here?” He scratches the back of his neck, looking you up and down.
“Uh i’m moving in.” You respond, holding the box up for him to see. “What are you doing here?”
“Oh… uh my uncle moved in here, needed to leave Hawkins.” Of course he did. Something the two of them had in common.
“Oh nice nice. Uh- I should really start moving these in.” You try to walk past him to your door before he puts a hand on your shoulder, stopping you.
“Wait. Can we talk?”
“I don’t know what you’d want to talk about Eddie. You left, I moved on, that’s that.”
“I don’t want that to be it.” He’s staring into your eyes, and you see the remorse behind his brown corneas.
“You left me Eddie. You left me and you didn’t write, didn’t call, didn’t visit. I don’t know what else you want from me.” You pushed past him, setting the box down with the others.
“I know I did, trust me I know. But, I waited for you. I know I hurt you and I wanted to give you space but- I thought you’d reach out eventually.”
“Why would I do that? 3 years Eddie. That’s how long we were together until you threw it all away. Until- until you broke my heart.” You feel the tears creeping up, trying to suppress them. “And i’m sorry but I deserve better than that. I deserve someone who isn’t going to just throw me away like I never existed.”
He hangs his head in shame, taking in what you’re saying to him. And he knows it’s true. All of it. He knows you deserve better. He looks down at the boxes and points to one of them. “Why does that say Steve on it?”
Shit.
“Uh that’s my boyfriends.” You shyly explain.
“Boyfriend? Who-uh-who’s Steve? Where is he?” You now see the tears starting to form in his own eyes.
“Steve Harrington.”
“King fucking Steve? Seriously?” He yells, but it’s not an angry yell. It’s a yell of sadness. The realization that he lost his chance.
“Yeah. King Steve.” You almost chuckle at the nickname.
“You guys are living here… together?”
“I mean that’s the plan, yeah.” You respond.
“So it’s really over, isn’t it?” This time he can’t hold back his tears. Letting all of the emotions he’s held in up to this point flow out.
You look at him, the man you thought you would spend the rest of your life with, and he’s broken. You don’t know what LA did to him, but you knew it wasn’t good. He would’ve never acted like this before he left and you knew that. You can’t respond with words, just your eyes. But he understands.
Suddenly, you hear footsteps and look to find Steve coming up the steps. Finally. He’s carrying a car seat in his hand, sleeping baby sat inside of it.
“Whose baby is that?” Eddie questions the both of you. You look at Steve, who’s looking between you and Eddie.
Fuck.
#eddie munson#eddie munson fic#eddie munson angst#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson x fem!reader#steve harrington#steve harrington fic#steve harrington angst#steve harrington x reader#steve harrington x fem!reader
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One More Chance (At Love) (Pt.1/?)
Slowburn Mark Sloan x Reader x George O'Malley
TW/CW: Mentions of medical terms and just overall Grey's anatomy gore, social anxiety/ anxiousness, Christina being passive-aggressive to the reader of you squint, Love triangle, jump cuts
Disclaimer/Summary:
‼️ SEASON 2 SPOILERS!! ‼️
AJ's a new intern at Seattle Grace Hospital and the niece of Miranda Bailey. She has an average reputation and never heard of 'McSteamy' a.k.a Mark Sloan upon moving to Seattle and working at Seattle Grace. Not understanding the hype around him nor falling for his charm, he ends up falling first and hard because he thinks she's "hard to get". He tries his best to flirt with her but to no avail, because she never picks up on any of those social cues to realize that he has been flirting with her the entire time because of her being neurodivergent (specifically AuDHD). Besides Mark, there's also someone else who has been eyeing AJ since they met.
Ps: This is mostly a self-insert but you can still read and enjoy this!! It's been a while since I've made a fic and I think it's time for a fresh start :). This takes place in mid-season 2 (specifically episode 9, a month before the Thanksgiving part of the episode starts then jumpcuts to the events of the Thanksgiving episode) to around the end of season 3. There are a lot of jump cuts in this fic and rhe reader is black
Wc: 3.4k
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@spexialvixtimxunit @verytalented
Seattle Grace Hospital. A hospital filled with opportunities and so much drama that it could be a full-course meal. That is, of course, if you're interested in having surgeries and nonstop sleepless nights on the menu. If so, then sign me up. Having the opportunity to work in the same hospital as my Aunt was a blessing and a curse. She knew that I was studying to become a surgeon, but what she didn't know was that I would be working in the same hospital as her. The other interns around me called her 'The Nazi' but I simply called her Auntie Mandy.
No one knew that she was my aunt so they had no room to treat me differently because of my association with her. I deserved to be in that surgical program just as much as they did. I worked my ass off to become a well-respected doctor, not a punching bag for bottomless insults. So, my strategy to survive the internship came in 3 easy rules. A guide that I follow every day.
1. Befriend the Nurses.
This step was relatively easy. I'm always kind to everyone I meet unless they give me a reason to be mean. Plus, I would hate to get stuck on doing rectal exams or sutures for hours on end just because I pissed a nurse off. They're human beings just like me and deserve equal respect because it took them years of med school to get to where they are.
2. Keep to myself and only speak when spoken to (a.k.a practically become invisible to almost everyone unless I'm given instructions to complete a task.)
Now, this step is a relatively difficult one to follow. I have no clue who I will encounter upon being on Auntie Mandy's service and they would make my experience at SG unpredictable. I won't let them get to know me upon surface-level things about me. It's too risky for them to find out even the smallest incriminating detail about me. I'll just have to wait for the right moment to tell anyone that Bailey is my Aunt.
And lastly, my most hated rule.
3. NEVER unmask, unless necessary.
Masking in itself is extremely difficult. If I show any sign of my neurodivergence to neurotypicals who don't understand what it's like to hide parts of yourself every day 24/7, I'm looking at weeks of being a laughing stock and judged by everyone. Even though this is a possibility, the road to being a surgeon is never easy for anyone.
So, with that being said you would say that I have 3 impossible rules to follow. I would have to try my absolute hardest to not expose myself but also to be on top of my game in this program if I want to make it in the real surgical world.
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My alarm rings at the ripe time of 5 am. I had to be at the hospital by 7:00 am before 7:30 am rounds started and before I could officially be assigned to my resident. I knew before today that I was going to be assigned to Auntie Mandy because of the letter in the mail a few weeks ago declaring my official internship and transfer to Seattle Grace. As well as what day I would start working. Transferring hospitals is like transferring schools, you have to start all over again in a new place. New environment. With completely new people. People who are already used to each other and probably friends with each other. Whereas I'm the new kid, the outcast. The kid that sits alone during lunch while everyone has already created their cliques.
I took a few deep breaths before getting out of bed to stop myself from becoming anxious at the thought of all the wrong outcomes that could happen. I made sure to pack comfort snacks the night before and an emergency meltdown/overstimulation bag that consisted of earplugs, a few small but effective fidget toys, compactable noise-canceling headphones, and an mp3 player that has my comfort songs on speed dial. I made my bed, as I usually do to start my morning. Following up on that, I meditated and did yoga for an hour and a half. It's a way to calm and ground myself before I tackle whatever the day brings me.
I did my morning routine and skin care before heading back to my room, to change into my outfit.
By this time it was already 6:40 am. I had enough time to spare to moisturize my locs and bring a scrunchie with me so that I could put my hair up when needed at work. I made sure to grab my messenger bag and my snacks for the long shift and promptly left my apartment at 6:50 am. The drive to work was roughly 15 minutes but ended up being 20 minutes with traffic. I didn't live far away from the hospital, which was alright in my opinion. I arrived there at 7:05 am and began to park. After I parked and got out of the car, a motorcyclist drove up loud and parked 2 spots away from me.
Right in the middle of my car and the motorcycle came another car with 2 women and a guy who I'd assume knew the female motorcyclist because the group of 4 joined each other and I began walking into the building behind them. Mid-walk, another guy joins the group after what I'd assume was his morning jog. He was huffing and saying something I couldn't make out because of me keeping my distance from them so that they wouldn't assume that I was following them even though I was. I had no freaking clue on where anything in this ginormous hospital was. Sure I had a tour of the hospital but it's so easy to forget the layout when I've only been in it once.
While we waited for the elevator I quietly said, "Excuse me," as I tapped the shoulder of a brown-haired guy with cute doe eyes. He stopped talking with the blonde-haired woman and turned to face me. "I'm sorry, but could you help direct me to the surgical locker room? I'm not entirely sure where it is." As I was speaking the rest of the group turned to look at me, which was not intimidating in any way. (Yes it was.) "Yeah sure, We're actually on our way there." says the doe-eyed guy. "I'm George O'Malley by the way, that's Izzie Stevens, Alex Karev, Meredith Grey, and Christina Yang. We're all surgical interns." George introduced the names to the faces of everyone and I hoped for the best that I could remember their names.
"Oh, I'm AJ. AJ Brown. I'm also an intern here. It's my first day." I spoke. "What! That's cool, we could show you around sometime!" Izzie said as the elevator dinged. I nodded and followed their lead and got on the elevator with them, standing near the back of it. I listened as they talked about how their mornings went. The elevator stopped at the second floor. After making a few turns into the corridors, we finally made it to the locker room.
"What's your locker number?" Meredith asked as she began to walk to her locker. "Uh, it's G - 23," I responded as I looked around at my surroundings. Everyone was already getting changed. "Oh, nice you have a locker next to me!" Izzie smiled. The digital clock on the wall read 7:15 am, there was enough time to change into my scrubs and have my pager and stethoscope ready. As I was putting my shoes on Meredith spoke to me, "So, AJ, where are you from?" She asked as she closed her locker door. "Oh, I'm from a small town in Illinois," I answered. "What's a city girl like you doing all the way here in rainy ol' Seattle? Besides to work here?" Alex chimed in, "Family, stuff." I spoke shortly, in hopes of ending the conversation.
"That's nice that you can be near family here. Also, who's service are you on?" Izzie asked. "I have Dr. Bailey," I spoke as I stood up while closing my locker. "Awesome, she has the Nazi too." Christina deadpanned as they all began to finish up. "Christina, be nice!" Meredith nudged Christina's arm and tried her best to whisper that to her but failed. "We can show you where she is today." The group leaves the locker room and I trail behind them to find my Aunt.
We head to the elevator and we make it to the third floor, where we come to a spacious waiting area and a front desk that I'd assume contained charts and other important patient information. Among the crowd of people walking around stood Auntie Mandy, writing in a chart binder at the front desk. "Good morning Dr. Bailey." They all said one by one, before George spoke, "I think we have a new intern with us that's on your service." That sparked her to look up from the chart. "New intern? What new intern?" She said almost with an attitude. They all miraculously parted like the Red Sea to reveal my presence to her.
"Well, I'll be damned! If it isn't AJ!" Bailey replied with a smile before running up to hug me, which shocked the group as if they had never seen her act sweet towards anyone. She released me from her grasp and said, "I had no idea they were assigning you to my service! How's your mom? I know everyone must miss me back there in Illinois." Bailey chirped. I hesitated and replied shortly, "Everyone's fine and they do." I laughed awkwardly. "Wait? How do you know Dr. Bailey and how does she know you?" Christina asked, answering the burning question that was floating around in everyone's head.
"She's-" Before Dr. Bailey could finish her sentence our pagers went off. Talk about being saved by the bell. Or beep in this case. I let out a breath that I didn't know I was holding in as we all began to follow Bailey's orders on where to be assigned. George ended up being the one to be my guide for the day as I helped him with patients and got used to doing checkups and filling out charts for a few hours. After that, Bailey assigned George to teach me how to run labs and work on sutures in the pit, as well as prescribing actual medicine to the patients. Before I knew it, it was lunchtime.
"Hey, would you like to have lunch with me? I'm usually with everyone because we all eat together sometimes." George asked softly as we headed to the cafeteria I assumed. "Uh, sure." I agreed. I brought a simple lunch with me, a turkey sandwich, apple slices, and carrots. While George offered to buy me apple juice. As I began to sit down next to George, Christina let out a loud groan and said lowly to herself, "Why did George invite someone we barely know to lunch, it's like she's his pet or something." This time Merideth kicked Christina's leg under the table, which caused her to verbally say 'ow' in response.
Upon hearing that comment, before I could start eating I got up and excused myself by saying, "I think left my pager in my locker. I'm gonna go get it." I grabbed all of my things and left immediately, what did I expect from a bunch of strangers? I found an empty hallway with abandoned beds and I ate in silence.
George's POV
AJ grabbed her things and speed walked away. Christina scoffed and spoke, "Looks like she ran off to go find her mommy, Dr. Bailey," Everyone let out laughs at Christina's 'joke' if you even call it that. "Enough!" I yelled as I slammed my hands on the table, "She has been nothing but nice to you guys and this is how you treat her on her first day? People deserve chances and you guys never even gave her that option to one." I grabbed the rest of my lunch and stormed off in hopes of finding AJ, before hearing out what everyone was going to say to my brief speech.
AJ's POV
I was almost done eating my lunch when I heard a familiar voice say, "There you are! I've been looking all over for you!" It was George. What a relief. "You have?" I said as I finished the last of my apple slices before I threw away the remaining trash. "Look, I'm sorry that they were mean to you, they don't like new people coming into their space." George apologized before he sat somewhat next to me. "You don't have to apologize for them George, it's not your place to apologize for them." I feigned a smile to try to reassure him.
"Sometimes they make fun of me too. And I wonder if they're my friends or if I'm convincing myself that they are," George confessed. "Well, can you be yourself when you're around them?" I questioned. George didn't answer. "If you have to think about it for a long time then maybe you should reconsider if they are your friends. Real friends don't make fun of you for being you. They appreciate your uniqueness and don't judge you." I declared. "It seems like you're a friend expert." I laughed a little at his comment. "I've had a lot of friends but never kept any of them so I know what it's like." I spoke truthfully, "Thanks for the lunch, George." I thanked him before I walked away once again.
-----
By that evening, my hands and feet were tired from walking and constantly talking to all the people. I desperately needed time to recharge my social battery because I could feel myself starting to get overstimulated. The lights were starting to get too bright and the bustling noise could make anyone go insane. I had a few minutes to myself in the on-call room so I spent it playing with my Tangle fidget toy and listening to a playlist of my favorite Michael Jackson songs in the dark while lying down on one of the beds on the bottom bunk. Needless to say, I ended up falling asleep for a good hour before I faintly heard the door open.
"AJ, wake up, Dr. Bailey needed me to find you," George said as he tapped my shoulder in an attempt to wake me. I groaned before sitting up on my elbows and glaring at him for waking me up, "I'm sorry to wake you but she needs more hands in the pit." He confessed which caused me to roll my eyes. I nodded before shoving my MP3 player and fidget toy down in my lab coat pocket. I put my shoes back on while George watched and we both headed out to the pit together.
Only a few more hours to go.
------
My first 12-hour shift was finally over. The aching in my feet was beyond compare even though I had comfortable shoes on made for walking. I went back to the locker room to change and I found myself left with a few people and George changing near me. "Are you autistic? I mean, if you are that's okay with me. I won't tell the others if you don't want to tell them so that they don't make fun of you. I'm not saying that they will but they can be mean sometimes. Well, not Izzie. Wait no, Izzie can be mean sometimes but not in-" I just stared at him until he finished rambling.
"Sorry, that was rude. I didn't mean to assume or anything. It's just that I-" George began again before I stopped him. This must have been on his mind all day. "Yes, I'm autistic and I have Adhd as well. And I would appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone because I don't want any attention on me about it. People will treat me differently." I shrugged it off to George as I grabbed my bag. "Can I ask why?" George said as he sat down on the bench. "Why what?" I replied, not looking at him. "Why don't you want to tell anyone?" I let out a huff and closed the locker before I faced him.
"This is breaking my rules," I mumbled, "Rules? What do you mean?" There was confusion in his voice but I could hear that he wanted to understand. "Ever since I was a kid, I always knew that I was different. I never had a lot of friends growing up and I never was invited to birthday parties because of how people treated me for being different. I don't normally spill my life to people I just met but I feel like I can trust you. I've been judged about my diagnosis of AuDHD. There's no point in trying to be myself when I can be what people expect me to be."
"But doesn't that get tiring? Having to mask all the time?" He asked and I nodded quickly. "It's hard to get a break and for people to not stare at me when I stim and fidget," I said disappointingly, "But what do I expect?" I shrugged it off and began to make my way to the door. "It's hard being myself in a room full of people who don't get you, but thanks anyway for trying to understand George, have a good night."
And with that, I once again walked away. It's becoming a habit now.
------
(A month later, at the start of episode 9)
------
Izzie had invited me over to help cook and decorate the house for Thanksgiving. I wore a simple outfit, a black long sleeve with denim jeans and black Converse. My favorite brand of shoes.
When I arrived I was greeted by Izzie rushing to get me inside. "I need you to get George for me, he's upstairs and he's supposed to be helping me cook but he hasn't left his room yet," Izzie said frantically. "Oh, okay. Um. Where exactly is his room? I've never been here before." I said while taking off my leather jacket and Izzie hanging it up for me.
"It's up the stairs, down the hall, and to the right." I listened to her directions and I reached George's room. I gently knocked on the door and waited for a reply. "Come in!" George said from the other side. I carefully opened it and saw him fully clothed on his bed with his eyes shut. "Why are you just lying on your bed?" I spoke as I closed his door behind me. He quickly opened his eyes, not knowing it was me.
"AJ! I- when did you get here?" He hurried and sat up to look at me. "I got here just now, not too long ago. You know Izzie wants you downstairs to help right?" I sat down on the end of his bed before he plopped back down with a huff. "I know but I'm afraid to go out there." I quirked a brow, "Afraid? Why would you be afraid?" As I said that he held his hands up and began counting down from 10. A thunderous noise arose from downstairs, and just when he reached zero, 3 men barged into his and screamed, "O'Malley!!"
Startled by the sudden noise, I looked at George for an answer. "Because of that." George huffed again. "Georgie, since when did you have a girlfriend? And she's hot too." I was taken aback at the man's comment. "C'mon, you know Georgie never gets laid," George rolled his eyes before getting up, trying to hide his embarrassment from me. "Please ignore my idiotic brothers," He began to go to his closet and grab camo wear. "Where are you going? Aren't you going to help Izzie?" There was desperation in those chocolate-brown eyes of his, and just when he was about to explain himself the older man chimed in and said, "Our Georgie is gonna kill his first turkey this year, I can feel it!"
"Dad you know Georgie isn't gonna kill a turkey, he never does." His eldest brother spoke, "No, he's gonna chicken out like how he usually does-" "Shut up!" George says while his brothers laugh, his face turning as red as a tomato now. "I'll be back as soon as I can to help. I promise I won't miss dinner." George tells me as he puts on his beanie and I thought he couldn't look any cuter. "Well, you better tell Izzie that," I scoffed as his family began to drag him out of the room chanting 'O'Malley' over and over again until they were down the stairs and out of the door.
"I don't think they're coming back any time soon." Izzie whined, "I hope he doesn't actually kill a bird."
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#greys abc#greys anatomy imagine#greys anatomy#meredith grey#alex karev#george o’malley x reader#george o'malley imagine#george o'malley#izzie stevens#christina yang#slow burn#love triangle#angst to fluff#fluff to smut
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The Only One - Part 7: Immoral Comfort
Welp...Part 7, here we are. This is the part I started way before I even wrote Part 1, because I was in a Mood™. I originally thought this was going to be a 3 part story, but it looks like it's gonna be something closer to 12. Tbh, I didn't expect anyone to be interested in this fic because it was such a niche, back-of-the-brain thought. So, thank you to everyone who's made it this far with me and taken the time to leave comments!
I know it's been forever since I updated this, but I hope there are at least a few people who are still interested. I had a very specific way that I wanted things to happen in this chapter and I was being a little too picky about the details, so my apologies for the delay! If you want to be added to or removed from my taglist, please let me know!
*Dominionese language pulled from @dominionese-resource and their Dominionese dictionary. If you want me to clarify where I got certain words or phrases, or how I tried (clumsily) to piece them together myself, please feel free to ask. I probably conjugated a few verbs incorrectly or structured things wrong in places, but I tried. Also, the signature mentioned was based off this post on their blog.
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6
Cross-posted to AO3 here.
~*~
Weyoun (ST:DS9) x Reader
[A/N: This has smut, so 18+ ONLY, MINORS DNI!!!]
Warnings: Interspecies sex, Vorta/Human sex, fingering, jealous Dukat, drunkenness, romantic Weyoun, telepathic/empathic connection, mild existential crisis, crying, sorta hurt/comfort? but mostly just stress/comfort, spoilers for S6E4 "Behind the Lines."
~*~
Nearly a month passed from that long, odd day when I met Keevan and his men. I hated having to conceal part of my motives from Weyoun, but I didn’t have much of a choice. There was no way in hell I’d sit idly by while the Changelings took over my home. Major Kira, Odo, and a few others had begun a small resistance cell aboard the station, and so that they wouldn’t jeopardize my mission or I theirs, Kira had ordered me not to attend meetings. I was to keep my ears open and report to her as usual. She was allowing me to help but only in minor ways. Yes, it was important to cause chaos for the Dominion while they were occupying the station, but a position of influence and confidence like I currently held was insanely important for the intelligence gathering task that Starfleet had given me. Hell, I didn’t even know who all the members were.
That was definitely for the best. With the intimacy of the connection that Weyoun and I shared, my lack of knowledge kept myself and the rest of the resistance members safe. I’d have to be content helping in my own little way. Thus far, Dukat trusted me almost as much as Weyoun did, and Damar was slowly coming around to the belief that I wasn’t his enemy. All I had to do now was keep it up and find a way to contact Starfleet Command. Discreetly.
Seated beside each other one evening, Weyoun and I worked on our respective reports. I wasn’t particularly curious about the file he was reading until he picked up a stylus and wrote something. It was an odd group of symbols and marks that I’d never seen before. Without much thought about how rude it probably was, I tilted my head and watched how fluidly his fingers drew the stylus across the data PADD.
“What is that?” I asked quietly, and Weyoun gave me a perplexed look.
“A report about troop movements...?”
“Oh, not the report, I mean this,” I said pointing to the symbols he’d drawn out beneath the final paragraph. A look of understanding washed over him, and he gave me a small smile.
“That is my signature,” he answered simply, and I felt my eyes widen. “Have you not seen Dominionese written out before?”
“I’ve barely heard Dominionese, much less seen it. Is that really your name?” I asked unable to keep the wonder from my voice. I examined the markings a bit more carefully, wondering what each meant in order to form a name as precious as his.
Weyoun set the data PADD aside, picked up an empty one, and wrote the symbols a little neater this time. I watched the way his stylus glided over the PADD’s surface in practiced, fluid movements. When he was finished, he tilted the screen toward me to show me his handiwork, and I couldn’t stop a smile from splitting my lips. The more I looked at the symbols, the harder it became to shake the feeling that I’d seen something like them before.
The pendant! I pulled it out from beneath the collar of my uniform and sure enough, the symbols were similar. The engravings were in Dominionese.
“Weyoun, the pendant you gave me...what does it say?”
“Would you like me to tell you, or would you like me to teach you to read it yourself?” He asked with a twinkle in his eyes, and I felt myself perk up at the implication.
“Would you? I-I mean, are you willing to teach me? I know you’re busy with the station and the war, so I understand if you don’t have the time–” He cut me off with a quick kiss and set the PADD aside as he took my hands in his.
“My dear, I would be honored to teach you the language of your people,” Weyoun murmured. “I’m sure you’ll take to it quite easily. You’ve always been a fast learner, at least from what I’ve seen.”
‘My people.’ Both of us knew they weren’t anything of the sort after what they’d done, but I still appreciated his sentiment. Besides, the hope that he held about a potential reconciliation between myself and the Changelings, while utterly futile, was also incredibly sweet. After all that he'd been through, the fact that he still had hope was just a testament to the strength that the Founders chose not to see in their Vorta followers.
Giving his hands a gentle squeeze, I looked up at the gorgeous purple-eyed being on my sofa. How in the stars did I get so lucky?
Purple blush spread quickly across his cheeks, and Weyoun let out a shy little laugh. Right, the feelings. It had become more natural over the duration of our relationship for us to share our emotions through the strange telepathic connection we'd been granted, but there were still moments where it caught one or both of us off guard.
"As much as I wish I could keep you all to myself tonight and demonstrate exactly how much I adore you, didn't you say you were meeting a friend tonight?" His question pulled me from my reverie, and I blinked in comprehension.
“Computer, what time is it?”
“The time is eighteen-thirty hours,” it responded, and I got to my feet. Shit, he was right, and I was going to be late at this rate.
“Meeting Damar again?” Weyoun asked as he stood, too, and grasped my waist lightly. When I nodded my head, he gave me a gentle smile. “I’m so glad you’re making more friends. I know you were already acquainted with some of the Bajoran officers, but knowing that Keevan and Damar along with some of their officers have become close to you...I’m overjoyed! To tell you the truth, I thought you might feel isolated here given the personnel changes. I-I thought...you might regret staying.”
Shrugging my shoulders, I wrapped my arms around the Vorta’s neck.
“Well, I still feel a little out of place at times, but there are a few people here who’ve been kind to me," I murmured placing a gentle kiss on the tip of his nose. "For the record, you make staying here worth it. As long as I have you, I won't regret leaving Starfleet."
I knew this was only temporary - that as soon as the Federation regained control of the station I'd be back to being a Starfleet officer - but I was going to make the most of this while I could. Sure, I still had my mission and a very important job to do, but I wasn't about to waste my opportunity to soak in Weyoun's presence while I could.
A beautiful, joyful smile stretched his lips, and he pressed his forehead lightly against mine.
"Good, because running this station and protecting Bajor for the Dominion...it would be mind-numbingly dull without you, my dear." That brought a smile to my own lips, but probably for different reasons than he would've anticipated. The Founders would likely have blown a gasket hearing that one of their Vorta toys was bored with the job they'd been created to perform. If that wasn't proof that the Vorta were capable of being so much more than the Changelings thought, I didn't know what was. "Don't be late, now. I'll be here when you get back."
I nodded my head quietly and gave him a tender, parting kiss before making my way toward Quark's.
The Bajoran station was humming with the partially-exhausted crowds that naturally accompanied the end of a shift. Used to the tired throng of people either going for a meal or heading back to their quarters, I used a few of the back corridors - less-traveled areas, of course - to make up some time.
Rather quickly, I found myself slipping into the doorway to the Ferengi's bar and zeroing in on the seat that was held for me out of habit by Dukat's right hand man. Without preamble, I plopped myself on the padded stool and gave a polite nod to the Cardassian in question.
"I was wondering when you'd get here. Usually you're early," Damar said as he brought his glass of kanar to his lips. He seemed in unusually high spirits tonight. Either something minor and gossip-worthy had happened, or I should be very concerned about the state of the war.
"There was a lot of foot traffic tonight. Apparently everyone decided this was the night to be in my way," I said with a dismissive giggle. Quark caught my eye and nodded in acknowledgement. "You look like the cat that got the cream, Glinn. What's got you in such a good mood?"
The Ferengi bartender set my drink in front of me with a wink - I knew for a fact that he flirted with all the patrons who wouldn't kill him in the hopes that he'd get a bigger tip - but before he could leave, Damar's hand landed on his forearm.
"Anything the Lieutenant drinks tonight is on me. This is a celebration," the Glinn said with a smug smirk. Looking at him in surprise, I lifted my glass of kanar in salute.
"Why, thank you, Glinn. If I may ask, what's the occasion?" He tapped his glass against mine, and after we both took a generous swallow - clearly not his first of such this evening - he turned to face me on his stool.
"My impending promotion!" He said puffing up his armor-covered chest.
Uh oh.
"Wait a minute," Quark cut in as he polished a glass, "you started a fight in my bar and they're making you a Gul? What kind of way is that to run an army?"
Weyoun had mentioned the fight only a couple of days before. Apparently, it had been between Cardassian officers and Jem'Hadar soldiers. Quark's concern was completely valid. How the hell did that track?
"Dukat wasn't happy about what happened," Damar started refilling his glass and topping mine off, even though I'd only taken a single sip. "I had to find a way to make it up to him."
"I hope it was something big," Quark chimed in.
"Must've been a hell of a blowjob," I teased, and the tipsy Cardassian let out a raucous laugh.
"Nothing so personal. Let's just say it will change the course of history," he said before draining his glass once more. Quark's eyes met mine. This reeked of trouble.
"As a businessman," the Ferengi started, refilling the Glinn's glass himself, "I'm very interested in the course of history. This one's on me."
Damar accepted the drink with a nod and a raised glass.
"That's very kind of you, Quark, but I can't talk about it." Down the hatch went that drink, and I sipped slowly at mine as I formed a plan. Quark looked over at me, and sighed as he grabbed a third glass.
"Of course, I understand. Have another," he offered, refilling Damar's drink, topping up mine, and pouring one for himself. I'd never imbibed heavily before, but there was a first time for everything.
--
Making our way to Kira's quarters while intoxicated was more difficult that I'd anticipated. Not only did I have to keep myself upright, but I had to try and steady Quark as well. The dirty bastard's hand roamed several times, but a threat to remove them at the wrist seemed to sober him up just enough for him to process how bad of an idea it had been.
We were practically dragged into the Major's quarters when we got there, having seemingly stumbled our way into a meeting of her resistance group. So much for me not knowing who was involved. She'd clearly bet on the probability of me forgetting the night's events by the morning, otherwise she wouldn't have let me in at all.
After several rambling attempts at conversation, Quark got a little agitated, and Kira tried to drag him back on course.
"How can I relax when there are thousands of Jem'Hadar ships are sitting on the other side of the wormhole, waiting to come through?" He slurred, and Jake shook his head, trying to placate him.
"Don't worry about it. They're stuck there." He sounded so confident - so naïvely certain.
"Noooo, Jake. They're coming," I said, clutching at his arm as if I could make the young man understand. "If Damar was telling the truth, they'll be able to get through soon."
"What are you talking about?" Kira asked, and together we managed a somewhat intelligible, if slurred, explanation of what happened. Odo and Kira shared a look, and I was ordered to head back to my quarters.
How I got back, though, was a mystery to everyone, myself included. All I recalled the next morning was the vague impression of Weyoun helping me into clean clothes and letting me cuddle him until I fell asleep.
I really hoped that I'd dreamed saying how pretty he was so many times. He deserved to know he was handsome, but I didn't exactly want to sound like such a moron when conveying that to him.
Gentle lips against my cheek brought me back to consciousness in the morning, and I burrowed farther into my lover's embrace. My head ached and everything felt dry and scratchy and too loud.
No wonder I heard so many people warning about how strong kanar was. If this is how it felt the morning after, I was quite happy never to taste that syrupy shit again.
"Come, my love. It's time to get up," Weyoun crooned in a gentle, careful whisper. An involuntary groan escaped me, and he ran his fingers softly through my hair. "I'm sorry. I know it hurts. I have something that'll help, though."
"I don't think even your gorgeous cock can fix this," I rasped as I forced myself to sit up - an utterly monumental task in that state.
"As honored as I am that you view me as a potential cure to many ailments, I was talking about this," he said reaching for a hypospray sitting on the bedside table. "It'll take away the majority of your symptoms."
I tried to nod my head, but it just ended with me wincing and lying back down. A quiet hiss sounded against my upper arm, and a few moments later, the pain melted away as if Weyoun's fingers trailing over my scalp had behaved like a poultice, absorbing the Evil Hangover straight from the source.
Featherlight kisses landed on my closed eyelids, and I let out a quiet sigh of relief at the sensation.
"I take it you and Damar had fun last night?" He teased, and I groaned.
"For your own health, never ever try to match drinks with a Cardassian soldier." I cautioned, but before I could say more, the comm system chimed.
"Dukat to Weyoun. There is an urgent meeting in thirty minutes. Bring the Lieutenant with you. She'll want to be a part of this." He didn't wait for a response, simply stated the message and cut the line.
A long-suffering sigh escaped my lover's lips, and he fixed me with a stare. Those soft, warm purple eyes of his filled with a playful sort of calculating stare. He then picked up a glass of water and gave me a wink.
"Computer, deactivate Universal Translator in this room," he ordered, and my eyebrows shot upward. The acknowledging chirp from the computer stirred my curiosity. Holding the glass of water between us, he pointed at it and murmured a single word. "Na."
I blinked, and he, noticing my blankness, smiled and repeated the word before gesturing a hand at me. I repeated the word, still mildly confused, but it pleased him, and just like that something clicked.
Apparently, this was my first lesson in how to speak Dominionese. My pronunciation had been right on the money, but I didn't know if he meant the cup itself, or what was in the cup.
"Na?" Reaching forward, I tapped the glass as I asked, then I dipped a fingertip into the liquid, "or is this na?"
A look of comprehension flickered across his face, and he touched the liquid as I had, repeating the word confidently. He had me say it once or twice more, and offered me the glass with a cheerful little kiss on the forehead.
As we dressed for our meeting with Dukat, Weyoun tapped items of clothing and various objects around the room, giving me their names in his language and having me repeat them until my pronunciation was satisfactory. By the time that the translator came back online, I couldn't help but feel proud that I'd absorbed so much while recovering from a hangover.
--
The Changeling standing in the wardroom sent a bolt of anxiety rocketing through me. Why was a Founder here? Wasn't it enough for the Vorta to keep their people informed? Odo stood at her side, looking confused, a little suspicious, and...was he happy? I supposed that he must be. After all, he wasn't the one who'd been exiled from ever returning to their homeworld. The slightly guarded yet curious glances he threw her way said more than words ever could.
How long had she been on the station? How deeply into him had she sunk her claws?
I had my answer when I glanced at the table and noted that Major Kira was conspicuously absent. For the safety of the resistance and the Federation's future, I had to assume that Odo had been compromised.
"Founder, it is an honor," Weyoun said sinking into a low bow at my side. His hand still rested squarely in mine, but I didn't copy his actions. Lifting my chin in defiance, I merely looked at her as her hawk-like eyes watched us - or rather, me. She didn't seem to even notice Weyoun, choosing instead to stare at me.
"We meet again, child of Meris," she said, but I just lifted an eyebrow. What sort of response could I possibly give after she banished me? I'd chosen Weyoun over my people - a decision I could never regret - but I had no intention of discussing my logic with one so cruel that she could not comprehend that what she'd almost done was wrong in the extreme. "Have you nothing to say to your kin?"
Glancing around the room in faux contemplation, I shook my head blankly.
"I see no kin here. Besides, the last time we spoke, you made your opinion on my existence quite clear." I was proud of how calm and logical I sounded despite the anger boiling within me.
"Perhaps our opinions of you have changed," she said taking a few steps toward me. Looking away from her, I spotted Dukat and was, for once, grateful for his presence.
"What did you call us here for, Gul?" The smirk that met my inquiry sent a shiver down my spine. "I trust it wasn't just for this...reunion?"
"Come, Lieutenant. Have a seat by me. We have a breakthrough to discuss," he called, and I did as he suggested. Pulling Weyoun gently along, I ensured that the Founder wasn't given the chance to sit on either side of me. All the meeting gave me were specifics on the plan to remove the minefield. Nearly everything Dukat and Damar said were things I'd heard from the latter the night before, and I forced myself to act surprised.
I caught Damar looking at me a few times, doubtless trying determine how much he'd said the night before and how much I remembered. When I gave him an innocent smile and acted engrossed in Dukat's speech as if it was all new, he seemed to relax.
Very well. Let the drunkard believe that he'd averted a crisis. The more his people underestimated their opposition, the easier it would be to catch them off their guard.
"You will keep me informed," the Founder said rising to her feet as if she was a queen. Without waiting for an answer from Gul Dukat, she turned to Odo. "Come. I wish to speak with you alone."
I expected him to toss out an abrasive comment, but instead, he followed her like an obedient puppy.
What the hell was going on?
Before I could say a word to Weyoun, though, the Founder tossed a glance over her shoulder.
"Come, Weyoun. We require your service," she called not waiting for an answer as she swept out of the room. He gave me an apologetic kiss on the cheek before rushing after the pair of Changelings, and then I was left alone with the two Cardassians.
"Well, well, that wasn't exactly what I was expecting," Dukat murmured, and I let out a heavy sigh. I still had the edge of a headache from this morning's hangover. Closing my eyes, I leaned my head back against the headrest of my seat. "Oh dear. You do seem stressed."
It was all I could do to keep my eyelids from snapping open when one of his large hands rested on my thigh, squeezing the muscles there in what I guessed was supposed to be a soothing gesture. I hummed low in my throat - the sound's meaning was one that I let him interpret on his own.
"Did I wear you out last night?" Damar asked with a huff of laughter, and Dukat let out a scandalized gasp. I could imagine just how wide his eyes had grown as he looked between his officer and me.
"Don't tell me you were with another Cardassian!" He sounded sufficiently playful, but still just jealous enough to bring a smile to my lips. Good. I had him hook, line, and sinker.
"Only for a drink," I replied, and Damar took that as his cue to leave. The door hissed closed, leaving me truly alone with Dukat. Why shouldn't I use this as an opportunity to deepen his trust in me?
"No wonder you look so tired," Dukat murmured sounding much closer than before. His other hand touched my forehead and his lips met my cheek. "Poor girl. I can massage that headache away if you like...?"
Letting out a harsh, skeptical laugh, I finally opened my eyes and tilted my head to face him.
"And trust your hands not to wander? Forgive me, Gul, but I've heard stories of your dalliances during the Occupation–"
"Are you truly telling me that after all we've been through over the years, you wouldn't enjoy a little...dalliance of our own? Especially considering that your pretty little Vorta toy will likely be busy serving the Founder's wishes while she's aboard. We wouldn't want you to grow lonely, would we? I could keep you entertained," he challenged as he skimmed his fingertips down the side of my face. After seeing the Founder in the flesh and how unquestioningly obedient Weyoun was to her, suddenly Dukat didn't seem so bad.
Relativity, indeed. Tilting my head, I skimmed my lips ever-so-lightly over the palm of his hand and looked up at him - a nice touch, if I do say so myself.
"You wish," I breathed, and a devilish smirk stretched his lips. Oh, I was playing with fire.
"Would such a wish really be so surprising?" The Gul's voice was low and intimate - soft, as though he thought that was what I needed.
I did. I needed gentleness quite badly. Just not from him.
"Coming from you? Not in the slightest." I put as much condescension in my tone as I dared, hoping he'd take it as a clumsy attempt at Cardassian-style flirting. A raspy chuckle vibrated deep in his throat, prompting me to get to my feet.
"You're not leaving so soon, are you?"
"I should. After all, Weyoun–"
"–will be busy with the female Founder and Odo for quite some time. You are free to do as you wish," he argued, but I shook my head quietly.
"I have duties."
"You don't. I took the liberty of having Major Kira clear your schedule for the day." I froze, and obviously didn't hide my surprise well, because he continued in a more amused tone. "Initially, I believed that you'd want the time for a family reunion, but given your reaction to your long-lost relation, you could use the time for something more...enjoyable. Improving interstellar relations between Bajor and Cardassia, perhaps...?"
He stood and moved in front of me, tilting my chin up so that eyes met his.
"There's no need to be coy," he whispered. "Obviously, we both want this..."
"You want me?" I asked, attempting to sound as innocent as I could while my hand slid up to his neck ridge. He practically moaned out a 'yes,' and I grabbed the section of his ridge that Kira had taught me was a weak point for Cardassians. Dukat let out a pained hiss, but the delighted smirk on his face spoke more of arousal than discomfort. "Then work for it. I'm not one of your comfort women from the previous occupation. If you want me, then you need to earn the privilege. Understood?"
"Oh yes, Lieutenant." Though strained, he still managed to sound flirtatious. I released him and spun on my heel. Sparing him a single glance over my shoulder as I walked out, I noted the tent in his uniform trousers.
--
This was a mess. Everything was a mess. If the Federation didn't retake the station soon, the resistance might be in shambles. Damar was clearing the wormhole, Odo was wrapped around the Female Founder's little finger, and Dukat's actions today might have finally convinced Major Kira that I wasn't worth trusting...that I'd truly betrayed the Federation and Bajor. Besides that, I might have to close my eyes and do something I'd very much regret with Dukat.
Guilt wound through me every time that I acknowledged how much I'd encouraged his attraction. I knew I needed information for the Federation and the Resistance, and I needed the Gul to trust me, but was flirting with him even the right move considering everything at stake?
I had no idea how long I was stuck in my thoughts, but at some point that evening, I became vaguely aware that Weyoun had returned to our quarters. His voice washed gently over my ears, but I didn’t hear a word. My eyes remained lost in the stars just outside the window, and my arms had been crossed protectively around my middle for goodness only knew how long.
What could I do to stop the minefield being removed when I hadn't even found a way to communicate with Starfleet Command? I mean, what had I been doing all this time besides playing house with a Vorta?
A wave of concern flowed from Weyoun to myself through our odd link as he sensed my emotions, but I didn’t move a muscle. Even when his hands took up careful residence on my shoulders, I couldn’t bring myself to do more than blink.
“Something is wrong, isn’t it?” Weyoun’s smooth, concerned voice asked from behind me as I stared out into the oblivion of space. He could read people better than they could read themselves, and I was certainly no exception, not that I was making it particularly difficult for him at the moment. Even if we hadn't been empathically linked, it wouldn't have been hard to see how wilted I felt. “You’ve been quieter than usual since you returned from that late night with Damar, and now with Founder here... You’ve been preoccupied. I realize that you don’t want me to think of you as the offspring of a deity, but...I live to serve you in whatever ways you may require, my love. What can I do to help you?”
I felt too vulnerable and too closed off all at once, like a frayed wire being strangled by what little remained of its casing. Who else could I say anything to? Who else cared about what I said, even if this all turned out to be a ruse - a long game that he'd been playing so patiently - in the end?
Weyoun was the only one. I couldn’t trust anyone on this station, not anymore, not where it was important. Hell, I shouldn’t even fully trust him, but what other choice did I have?
For this...could I risk it just this once? He thought of Changelings as gods. He regarded the being who was my biological father as a god, and I myself as a demigod of sorts. Would this be taking advantage of the programming the Founders had included in his genetic makeup? Would he feel obligated to listen to me drivel on without regard for his own feelings despite my protests that I wanted only his honesty?
When I turned and my eyes met his, I felt something in me break. Weyoun looked so worried. Precious man. His almost neon purple eyes were moist as though he were on the verge of tears like I was - he truly was distressed over my current state. I knew my own eyelids were most likely puffy from the tears I’d shed - the emotions threatening to spill over again at any moment - and I knew that he’d have noticed that by now. He was much too clever for his own good.
A low whisper of my name brought me out of my thoughts enough to notice that the Vorta’s brow had furrowed just a little bit more than before.
“Please...it pains me to see you like this. I beg you, please let me help,” he said barely above a whisper, and whatever cracks had formed in my defenses extended far enough that I could no longer keep up my flimsy facade. My eyes burned, my vision blurred, and tears began rolling down my cheeks. A flicker of fear passed over Weyoun’s features and through our bond, and although I wanted to comfort him, all that escaped me was a quiet sob. There wasn’t much space left between us to begin with, but he still stepped forward as much as he could and lifted his hands, allowing them to hover on either side my face as if he was afraid to touch me. “H-How do I help you?”
In answer, I reached out and wrapped my arms around him. Pressing my face quietly against his shoulder, I felt his own limbs envelope me without hesitation - one around my middle and one around my upper back - holding me close to him. Weyoun was nearly trembling from how fiercely and protectively he was embracing me.
“I’m here,” he murmured against my temple in that soft, comforting voice. This time instead of it being filled with steady lies as it so often was in meetings, I could hear it wavering with emotion just as it had so long ago on that Dominion ship and when he found that I'd remained on the station despite its occupation. “You are not alone. You have me; you always will. I promise. No matter what happens with the Dominion, the Alpha Quadrant, the Gamma Quadrant...you will always have me. I know what it is to be alone, and I swear you never will be again.”
Safe in his arms, I found myself no longer caring whether this was just a ploy or not, because I so desperately wanted to believe that I wouldn’t be alone anymore. He'd been here, but I hadn't allowed him to see just how stressed I was trying to toe the line between the Dominion and Bajor. I wanted to believe he was telling the whole truth. Just this once.
Just this once.
So I nodded my head against his shoulder and simply let myself be comforted by his embrace, by his promise, and by this one act of kindness, dangerous though it might eventually prove to be.
“I’m sorry,” I managed to get out around my stuttered breaths. I was. He didn’t deserve to have someone sobbing all over him for no reason. He was the one who needed kindness, especially after the way I’d seen that Founder treating him. He wasn't some pet for them to order around. He deserved so much more kindness than he was being shown.
Yet he was the one showing it to me. Whether incited by genuine concern or by his programmed devotion to the Founders - and myself by extension - Weyoun had never been anything less than sweet and gentle and courteous to me.
But how could I allow a shred of doubt into my head? Just thinking back to the first time I'd felt the extent of his love for me, I remembered how different his emotions had been compared with those he'd felt for the beings who had cloned him.
Shame wove hot and heavy through the ravages of my sorrow.
“You of all people have no reason to apologize to me,” he said before pressing his lips against my forehead in a tender kiss. “What could you possibly have to be sorry about? You have never been unkind to me, you’ve never hurt me. You’ve only ever shown me love and compassion. You are the most remarkable person I’ve ever encountered.”
“You have better things to do than put up with someone crying all over you,” I muttered daring to tilt my head back enough to look up into Weyoun’s eyes. He looked almost startled at my statement.
“My dear, you act as though you are a burden to be borne. I assure you, nothing is further from the truth,” he murmured in a pained voice. One of his hands lifted and cupped my cheek. His thumb skimmed gently across my skin wiping away the last of my tears. Leaning into his touch, I let my eyelids flutter shut. I knew I shouldn’t be this open with him - he was the Female Founder’s puppet while she was aboard the station, after all - but I couldn’t help it. Who else could I possibly be vulnerable with? Considering the cruelty and violence of this war surrounding me on a daily basis, was it really so wrong to enjoy a simple moment of self-indulgent intimacy? I raised my hand to cover Weyoun’s and turned my head just far enough to kiss his wrist.
It wasn’t even close to an adequate thank you for all he’d done for me, but it was all I could manage. I knew he’d understand - he always understood me with a startling degree of accuracy, even when I couldn’t express myself correctly or fully.
“Why do you think so little of yourself?” He asked in barely more than a whisper as his eyes slid from our hands to meet my gaze. “You are lovely and kind to everyone, even those like me who don’t deserve it–”
“But you do deserve it. You always have, Weyoun, no matter how the Founders may have treated you,” I said quietly looking up into his eyes. He blinked owlishly at me, and I leaned in, kissing his cheek. “Can you still not see that after all this time, darling?”
“I suppose I...still have a bit of trouble separating myself from the way the Founders created us,” he admitted as a lavender blush colored his cheeks. “Forgive me–”
“Hush. There’s nothing to forgive,” I promise coaxing him into resting his forehead against mine. Lowering my voice to a whisper, I knew his excellent Vorta hearing would still register what I had to say. “We are, always have been, and always will be equals.”
“I believe you,” he murmured as his hands took up a timid grip on my waist. He took a slow, deep breath and as he exhaled, I rested my hands gently on his shoulders. Nothing had technically changed - the war was still raging, my father was still a missing murderer, and Dukat was still playing a tyrannical, slutty version of king of the castle with the station.
And yet...there in Weyoun’s arms, such a fundamental shift had occurred that it felt as though I suddenly could take on the universe. Perhaps it was a part of the Vorta coding which bound them to the Founders that made me feel reassured as I stood there, his own confidence in me bleeding over and restoring my own.
Or perhaps there was another explanation. The relationship that had been developing between us had shown no cracks until Dukat tried to worm his way between us. Even now, I was acutely aware that the Gul had plenty of reasons to try and manipulate me on that front. Why had I ever allowed myself to listen to a single word he said? Was I so afraid of losing Weyoun that I assumed it was just my luck that I would?
I had doubted myself and my judgment regarding him for so long that I suppose I didn’t feel like I deserved to be loved with the kind over unwavering affection Weyoun had shown me. Even as that thought crossed my mind, doubts filtered through from my subconscious that I shouldn’t have allowed myself to take this much liberty with his affection as it was - that I was weak for doing so.
But I needed him, and I loved him. Weyoun had assuaged my fears on that front so many times before, but was that justification enough for continuing?
“Such chaos thrust upon one person... Let me be your shielding."
The soft earnestness surrounding Weyoun's words had me crumbling in his arms. Almost without conscious thought, I tilted my head and caught his lips in a kiss that I hoped said all the words I couldn't muster. My lover didn't hesitate to return the gesture, kissing me with such tenderness that it took my breath away.
Slowly, naturally, our movements gained momentum, becoming hungrier and more desperate by the second. Just as he'd done after my encounter with Keevan, Weyoun easily took control. Something urgent and lurid passed between us, and in a blur of discarded clothing, we fell into our bed.
We'd experimented with each other over the time we'd been together, but we hadn't quite taken that final step. With his fingers pumping between my legs and mine caressing the base of his length and the folds of his slit, he whispered in my ear.
"I want to make love to you. Please, I'm ready. I'm aching for you, my love. I've dreamt of you so many times..."
I couldn't possibly deny him. Why would I even want to after all this time? I loved him, and I would never pressure him into doing more than he was comfortable with. I would, however, be lying if I said that I'd never imagined what our first time together would be like.
My imagination paled in comparison to the sweet sounds he made as he entered me for the first time. His name was a prayer on my lips, just as mine was on his. Our pleasure was reflected, doubled, then increased exponentially by the bond that formed between our minds. We merged so completely that I couldn't tell where Weyoun began and I ended.
The wet slap of skin-on-skin sounded less obscene and more...restorative. We both needed this. Our reasons might have been different, but our desires, our love, stemmed from the same source.
When he finally spilled within my trembling body, tears dampened both our faces. Weyoun's teeth had left bite marks down my neck, and I'd left a few scratches down his back.
Aside from murmured declarations of love between kisses, we didn't speak. What could we say? What could possibly need to be said so desperately that either of us would risk disturbing the peaceful, content atmosphere that had settled over us like a blanket?
Gentle touches, cuddles, and affectionate looks carried us delicately into dreamland that night.
--
The next morning as I blinked hazily into awareness, I thought the Vorta was still asleep. Trailing my fingers ever-so-softly through his mussed, silky, black hair, I couldn't help but smile. He was supposed to be unsettling to the Dominion's enemies and charming in equal measure, but all I could see was how gentle he was. I knew he had it within him to be manipulative, charming, and underhanded all in a matter of moments - that was how the Changelings had cloned him to be - and I'd witnessed it. But there was something satisfying about seeing the head of station's occupying force curled up like a kitten in my arms.
"That feels good." The words breezed from his lips, carried on his breath as easily and lightly as a feather. I couldn't stop the smile that tugged at my lips.
"I won't stop, then," I whispered, and he let out an appreciative hum.
"I meant it, you know. Every Weyoun since our very first iteration over a hundred years ago has seen your face in our dreams. Seeing you on the Defiant...I recognized you immediately."
My hand slowed atop his scalp. My lover's voice was low and nervous, as if he was afraid I'd mock him or accuse him of lying. Instead, I watched as he lifted his head from my chest and looked up at me with wide, gentle eyes.
"But...that was so long ago..." I was confused, definitely, but I wanted to hear him out. Across our bond, I could feel tension, as if Weyoun was taking a chance saying any of this.
"My very first memories are images of you from prior iterations' dreams. They all saw your face so frequently that they knew you were someone vitally important...that the Founders were allowing us visions of a blessing they planned to give us. The fourth Weyoun...he'd almost lost hope the day you met him," he murmured. "Only the important memories - the ones that stand out - are encoded for future iterations to retain. You...your face has survived every activation."
A lump rose in my throat. How was that possible? I'd heard of people having visions they thought were from their deities - hell, even Captain Sisko had visions from the Bajoran Prophets - but I knew for a fact that the Founders weren't gods. Even they couldn't predict the future like that. Otherwise, I had no doubt that they would've stopped my father from mating with a Human.
"In the dreams, you called out to me...said my name...promised you'd find me no matter what. I've never told anyone this before, but in my darkest hours...the moments where my faith in the Founders was at risk of falling apart, I clung to the image of your face hovering over me...and it strengthened me," Weyoun admitted in a whisper as he cupped my cheek, gliding his thumb over my skin. "I-I hope I didn't make you uncomfortable."
Unable to make my tongue work, I shook my head and kissed his lips. What the hell was I supposed to say to that? What could I say about that revelation?
I hadn't even begun to sort through the messy tangle of emotions in my chest when the comm chimed.
“Damar to Weyoun.” Of course, there was never a calm, quiet moment on this station, even with it under the Dominion's thumb. The Vorta sighed quietly, the warmth of his breath caressing my skin as softly as his lips had in the wake of our intimacy.
“What is it?” He asked quietly, sounding more reluctant than I’d ever heard him. He didn’t move away from me any more than I did from him. If anyone had been watching, they’d doubtlessly assume that our nude bodies were stuck together beneath the blanket by some immutable, unseen force.
“You’re needed in Security. Now.” The Cardassian sounded smug, a fact which never seemed to bode well in his company. "We've just arrested a saboteur. The Ferengi bartender's brother, Rom."
~*~*~
Dominionese:
Na = water
~*~
Taglist:
@akamitrani @android-boyfriends @attention-bajoranworkers @bigblissandlove1 @darkmattervibes @emilie786 @groovyqueer @horta-in-charge @live-logs-and-proper @slutty-slutty-vulcans @starrynightgardens @toebeans-mcgee @weyounthevorta
#deepspacedukat fic#half-changeling!reader#Weyoun 5#Weyoun 5 x Reader#lieutenant!reader#established relationship
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The One That Got Away
Jason Todd x Reader
Taglist | Request | Wattpad
Main Masterlist | DC Comics Masterlist
Summary: After learning about Jason’s death, her and Nightwing set course to Gotham.
Warnings: Mentions of Character Death, Angst, Slight Suicide TW
A/N: I plan to make a part 2 to this, but with Red Hood, so stick around for that. But otherwise, enjoy!
It’s been 6 months since Jason left, and everyone has been okay… all except for me. Since the day that Jason left with Rose, only leaving me with a kiss goodbye, I haven’t been much of anything to anyone. I haven’t moved from my bed, and when I do, it’s to use the restroom.
I’m pretty sure that when I lost a bit of weight since the last time I had a well-cooked meal, with my diet only consisting of crackers, ice cream, and whatever juice Gar and Rachel had decided to hide from Dick and his insane health kick. Like, what teenager do you know eating cauliflower mash? Anyways, one of the Titans would show up in my room with a plate of food every now and then, begging me to eat it, but I just ignored them. I never accepted the food, I was too upset to do anything other than wallow for 24 hours a day and 7 days a week. They would leave the plate of food on my nightstand, hoping that I could pull myself together enough to eat, but I just left it to sit there for days before someone came to get it.
No matter what I do, I can never get Jason out of my head. Anytime I entered the kitchen, I was reminded of when Jason and I would stay up late and hang out. He would sit on the counter, swinging his legs back and forth, causing them to repeatedly hit the cabinet doors that sat under the countertop while I baked whatever recipe I had seen on YouTube earlier that day. (He was the perfect subject for recipe experiments)
But it wasn’t just rooms inside the tower. Jason seemed to haunt my dreams too. I couldn’t stop dreaming about that night… The night he left me alone. When he abandoned me to go with another girl, leaving me with only a kiss.
Everyone sat around the commons area of Titan’s tower. Thanks to Conner, we were able to get Jason back from Deathstroke, unharmed. And since then, nothing has been the same.
After saving Jason, Deathstroke broke into the tower, placing objects- memorabilia for each Titan to find. For Hank, it was a bottle of bourbon. Rachel had crosses drawn all over her room. Dawn was met with a photo of a friend who had recently died. And Donna received a bottle of orange soda. Specifically, a brand of soda she once shared with a close friend of hers who had also died… a former Titan.
But to make things worse, everyone (except me) blamed Jason for their recent trips from memory lane. This only ended with me coming to Jason's defense. My fellow teammates were shocked at my outburst, all of us failing to realize that Jason was no longer in the room.
Dick soon stormed into the central living area, where all of us stood, and warned us of the true threat. "Hey, where's Jason?" I asked everyone, nervously looking around. My eyes fell on Dick's, giving each other a knowing look, before setting out to look for Jason. We found him on the roof, planning to jump off the rooftop. I tried to stop him, but Dick and his dark secret ended up getting him down from the ledge.
So now, here we all are, listening to Dick explain how he lied to us, his so-called “friends,” for the hundredth time, and everyone was fed up. Upset because of the trust this team had for each other.
I sat next to Jason at the kitchen table, who propped his head against his hand. I lay face down, no longer wanting to be here, forced to listen to friends argue. After earlier, Jason was so disappointed in himself that he couldn’t even look at me. And judging how everyone was earlier, I could only imagine how much everyone would judge Dick for this.
Now, I couldn’t see anything, but I could definitely hear. I heard Rose speak up for the first time since Dick explained everything. “My brother’s dead because of you,” Rose said with a sense of hatred. “I’m out,” she continued before standing up and making her way out of the room.
“I’m going with her,” Jason added, giving me just enough reason to look up. I looked at Jason, feeling my lips tremble as I looked up at the boy. He turned away from Dick, looking at me with an emotionless expression, but his eyes said everything. “Come with us,” He whispered, holding his hand out. I hesitated. When I didn’t take his hand, Jason took it as a sign of rejection, giving me a sad smile before leaning down and kissing my lips. My eyes closed, trying my best to hold in all the tears I wanted to release as I heard the sound of his steps disappear into the next room.
I felt everyone's eyes, watching me as I slowly began to break down. My cheeks grew warm and were about as red as a cherry. My eyes flooded with tears as they fluttered open. My eyes were focused on the door where Rose and Jason walked out of.
“Jason,” I whispered, finally feeling myself give in to the loss of my boyfriend. My best friend… The love of my life.
And since then, I’ve never been the same. Every time I fell asleep, that memory haunted my dreams, and there was no escape. I wake up every night sobbing, wishing Jason was here to hold me. And although it hurt, I would sometimes imagine that he was here, comforting me. His warm breath running down the back of my neck, leaving goosebumps, as I clutched onto him, with my head resting on his chest. And it really did help… but not entirely.
Anytime I missed Jason, I called. I sometimes called to see if he’d answer, but it was no luck. And even though I was sent to voicemail, I still left him messages. I hoped he listened to them and felt just as bad as I do right now, but there was no way of telling.
Sometimes, the thought of him and Rose would enter my mind, making me even more depressed than I already was. “Does he love her more than me? Is that why he left?” Those questions ran through my mind almost 24/7, but deep down, I knew why he had left.
Feeling the urge to move out of bed, I slowly got up, making a few loud grunts and groans from the relief of being in bed all day. I went into the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. “Damn, I look rough,” I whispered as I rubbed my fingers against my sunken eyes. Seeing how thin my cheeks seemed, I had lost more than a couple of pounds. I looked half dead if you asked me.
With an exhausted sigh, I walked out of my room and stopped. Something strange in the atmosphere told me to go back to bed, but I didn’t listen. Instead, I walked to the kitchen, only to be stopped by the sound of Kory. It sounded like she was talking to someone. I walked to the end of the hall, which connected to the common area, where everyone once hung out, and I peered into the room. I saw Dick and Kory sitting at the counter with sad expressions, telling me something terrible had happened.
“What am I going to do? I don’t know how to tell her,” I heard Dick say as he looked away from Kory. He rested his head on his arm, much like Jason did before he left that day. I watched as Kory leaned back in her seat, taking Dick’s words in.
When he was done speaking, Kory began to speak. “She needs to know, Dick. She hasn’t been out of this tower in 6 months because of Jason… I hate to say it, but he broke her, and now she’s slowly killing herself the more she stays in that room,” Kory told Dick.
“I know, Kory. But how do you tell someone who can barely eat that her boyfriend was reckless and impulsive and killed himself? Wouldn't that just make it worse?”
Listening to Dick and Kory’s words, I soon realized that they were speaking about Jason. I watched Kory sadly place her hand down on Dick’s leg. Suddenly it became hard to breathe as I also realize that they weren’t just talking about Jason. They were talking about telling me that Jason was dead. I felt my body slam into the wall, making a loud enough sound to get the attention of the two adults.
Dick and Kory ran over to me as I slid down the wall, clutching my chest, where my heart rests. Ugly cries exited my body as I thought of Jason being dead. Dick grabbed me, holding me in his arms as I cried in his chest. He rested his chin on top of mine and slowly rubbed my back.
“Jason," I cried. Dick’s arms hold me tighter.
I couldn’t believe it. Jason Todd was dead. I always knew his abilities would get to his head, and that’s exactly what he did. He was cocky, and believed that he didn’t need help… that he could fight the fight by himself. And that’s what killed him. Now, I didn’t know how he died exactly, but I knew teenagers don’t just drop dead. Especially not Bruce Wayne’s kids. But, I also knew that there was a possibility that if I had accepted Jason’s offer that day, that none of this would have happened.
“I know. It hurts. Cry it out. Cry it out,” Dick muttered into my ear. Kory sadly watched the two of us as we held onto each other.
“I could have saved him,” I whispered.
“No,” Dick said sternly, pulling away from the hug. “What Jason did was on him. You probably would have had no idea what was going on, no matter if you were there or not… much like the Deathstroke thing,” he said, looking me in my eyes.
My eyes narrowed as I felt a rush of anger flow through me. “Jason only went out to fight Dr. Light 1. Because you and the “O.G. Titans” couldn’t beat him. And 2. Jason only wanted to prove to you and Bruce that he knew what he was doing. None of you ever gave him a chance,” I scowled.
“Jason did get chances to prove himself,” Dick said, making me even angrier. “And everytime, he proved that he was still reckless, still impulsive, and still full of rage. There is a reason Bruce sent him here. And when he left and went to fight Joker on his own, he was still the same Jason we all know. And that right there- that’s what got him killed,” Dick said.
The Joker ran through my head as I tried to take in everything he told me. I remember running through the streets of Gotham, hearing the name Joker, and every single bad thing he had done. How gruesome he left his victims. I could only imagine what Jason went through in the time before his death, but I knew what ran through my mind wouldn’t do the real thing justice.
But it wasn’t just Joker running through my mind. It was also the fact that the people who didn’t give Jason a chance believed that they knew him… but they didn’t. They didn’t know the true Jason Todd. The Jason Todd I knew was kind. When it was just me and him, he didn’t want to punch a wall. We would have movie nights almost everynight back at Wayne manor. I remember sneaking into his window to see his slightly messy room, and how we would cuddle in his bed, and we would just talk about everything during the movie. Sure Jason was everything Dick described, but he was also so much more. I just wished everyone else could have seen that.
“You’re wrong.” That’s all I said before pulling out of Dick’s arms indefidently, and standing up to leave. I could hear as Dick shuffled to get up and run after me, but I think Kory stopped him, because all I heard was a quiet, “She’s grieving. Let her process this on her own, for awhile.” And with that I was out of their line of sight.
I made my way back to my room, where all the anger and sadness I had once felt released out of me. I screamed as loud as I could as I fell to my knees. I felt the energy shift, like something new had awakened in me. My chest heaved as I began to cry harder than how I was earlier. I faced the ceiling and opened my eyes. Expecting a white ceiling to appear, I found loose objects floating in mid air.
“What is happening?” I whispered to myself. And suddenly everything fell. I looked down at my hands as a blue mist escaped my hands. I slammed my hands to the ground, making everything around me shake. I heard multiple sounds of feet slamming against the floor as the remaining Titans met up outside my door. Small murmurs appeared, but i ignored them.
I let out a small sniffle before making my way over to my bed, and climbing in, and laying down as if I never got up in the first place. I slammed my eyes shut, trying to imagine that this was all a dream, but then a small knock at my door appeared. I faced the wall as I heard the sound of my door opening before slowly shutting. I heard the sounds of a pair of shoes against the hard wood of my floors. I felt a dip in my bed, next to where my legs laid, causing me to open my eyes, but I didn’t face whoever it was.
“I’m sorry,” Dick started. “I guess I really do live up to my name. You know, after losing Donna and now Jason, I realized that I can’t loose you to.”
“Why? Because we all just learned in a span of 2 minutes that I have earthshattering powers?” I asked with a hint of anger.
“No,” He sighed. “I can’t lose you because you are a big part of this team. And I didn’t reealize it until Jason left, and you entered your current state. Both of you were such a big part of this team. You and Jason were a power team all by yourselves, with you as the brain and Jason as the brawn.” He paused, taking a deep breath.
“At first, I hated to admit that Jason was my brother. After losing my parents in the circus, I closed myself off, not even allowing Bruce into my life. But then, after years of being closed off from the world, I eventually opened up. When Donna died, I felt just how you felt. Growing up, she was always like the big sister that knew how to keep me in control. She was my Y/N, and I was her Jason. So I understand your pain, and I want you to come with me, back to Gotham. Just you and me.”
I slowly turned facing Dick, I looked down, not wanting to look him in the eye. I gave the man a slight nod, accepting his offer. And with that, he patted my leg before getting up to leave the room.
“Dick?” I called out ot the man. He peeped his head back into the room, and I continued. “Thank you,” I said with a smile. The first smile in 6 months. Dick gave me a short nod, continueing back to were he was planning on going.
The trip to Gotham was quiet and also quite tense. This would be my first time back in Gotham without Jason, and knowing that hurt. I could tell Dock wanted to say something about it, but he remained quiet. Instead, Dick kept his eyes on the road and I kept my eyes on the different types of scenery we got with each state we drove through.
So, when we had finally made it to Wayne manor I was desperate to get out of the car. Dick pulled up in front of the entry door, and instead of being met with Alfred like always, we were met with nothing. Jason wasn’t the only person that the Wayne manor had lost. Alfred’s soul also rested in our memories.
Dick and I got out and I was met with the familiar smell of Gotham’s air. I turned to my left where I found a tree. It was the same tree I used to sneak in and out of the manor to see Jason. At least, that was until Alfred found out and convinced Bruce to let me stay with them. He only agreed to let me stay because of his obsessive need to bring in children from off the street. Children in need of a home. It only surprised us that he didn’t adopt a whole orphanage.
I continued to make my way towards the tree where I softly rubbed the rough bark which brings back a sense of nostalgia.
“Hey,” I heard from behind me. I turned to find Dick with both of our bags in his arms. I ran back over to Dick, trying to grab my bag from him, but he only responded with an “I’ve got it,” as he nudged me towards the front door.
Dick knocks at the door before remembering that it was just Bruce here. He gripped the knob and slightly twists, opening the door. I look at Dick with a scoff, “I think he forgets where he lives.” Dick laughed, as we made our way into the large home.
“Okay. You go find your old room, and put your stuff away. I’m gonna find Bruce,” Dick said, handing me my bag. I walked up the stairs feeling the small dents in the wood from where Jason would ride down the steps on his motorbike. I smiled at the memory and continued up the steps.
I walked to my room and stopped right outside the room. I looked across the hall to where Jason used to sleep. Lucky for me, the door was shut. If it wasn’t, I probably would have broke down again. I just turned back towards my room and opened the door. The room was just as I remembered. The walls were still the same pearly white that I remembered. And the bed looked as if it hadn’t been touched since I left. The grey bedding was positioned just as Alfred had done it that morning. I didn’t have much decoration, considering I didn’t have much at the time, and I didn’t really want to be a burden towards Bruce, since he had already done so much for me.
I flopped onto the bed, relishing in the soft sheets I had laid in once before. I stared up at the ceiling as I took a deep breath before closing my eyes. I felt almost at peace with where I was at. The only thing missing was Jason’s presence. But it was enough to put me to sleep.
Taglist: @avada-kedavra-bitch-187, @esposadomd
#x reader#fanfic#fanfiction#dc titans#dc comics#titans x reader#jason todd x reader#jason todd angst#tv: titans#jason todd fanfiction#curran walters#curran walters x reader#jason todd#dick grayson#dick grayson x reader#koriand'r#angst#masterlist#brenton thwaites#brenton thwaites x reader#character death#season 2#season 3#jason todd imagine#jason todd oneshot#oneshot#imagine
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Loss -KSI
Words: 0.4k+
Warnings: angst, break up, boxing injury’s.
In which you help your ex after losing his boxing fight.
I broke up with JJ almost 2 months ago. He was so ridiculously busy with his fight, sidemen stuff, and his own channel that I felt like I wasn't even in a relationship with anyone anymore, I literally never saw him. Tonight was the night of his fight. Usually I'd be sat supporting him next to the ring, but I was sat on the couch in my apartment watching Friends.
I've stayed in good contact with Faith and she was going to be at the fight tonight, so I asked her to give me updates since I don't want to watch it for myself. After a while, she texted me "the fights about to start" I put my head in my hands and took a deep breath, I sat there practically in silence until almost an hour later Faith text me again "he lost" was all she said. "Is he okay?" I asked. "I think so but he looks really disappointed" she replied.
An hour later, I got a call from Simon "hello?" I said thru the Phone. "y/n, we've all tried but he doesn't want to speak to us. Can you come to his house?" I sighed. "I'll be there in 20." I said declining the call. I pulled myself off my sofa, grabbed a hat off of the coat rack and unlocked my door.
I parked my car outside of his house and stepped out. As I did I spotted Simon, Josh and Tobi standing just outside his door.
I slowly walked towards them and said a quick "hello." before walking through the door. I made my way up his stairs and walked towards the bedroom. I stopped in the doorway, he sat there on the side of his bed with his head in his hands. I walked towards him and he looked up at me. He looked awful, black eye, blood in his eyebrow and a defeated look on his face. I carefully sat beside him and put my arms around his shoulders. He burst into tears "shh, shh" I whispered slightly rocking us back and forth.
"Im so sorry." he said softly. "what?" I questioned. "I put boxing, youtube and everything else in front of you, you should have been my first priority." he said guilty. "I understand, you got distracted." I replied. "I shouldn't have." he said. "It doesn't matter now." I said.
I left him sound asleep after helping to clean himself up. The next day I got a text from him "thank you for last night" "no problem" I replied. "Dinner tomorrow?" He asked. "7:00?" I replied (when we were together It was practically a tradition to have dinner at 7 on a Monday, but that stopped happening when he started camp) "meet you there, insert location"
The next day we went to dinner and decided to give it another go.
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Mafia Book #2 - PART II - The Withered Rose - Chapter 8 - A proper new beginning (FINAL CHAPTER)
Story masterlist - please consult it for the summary of the story, trigger warnings etc.
General masterlist
PART I - The Black Iris
---
Wattpad | AO3
Chapter 7 (Previous chapter)
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PART II - The Withered Rose
Chapter 8 - A proper new beginning (FINAL CHAPTER)
chapter word count: ~5.5k words
~2 months later~
“Yes, just like that, baby.” Chris moans softly as he feels Emilia swallowing his length down her throat. “You’re the best.”
Emilia hums in acknowledgment, gently scratching Chan’s thighs with her nails.
“Shit, I’m gonna burst if you keep that up. Come on, baby, let me feel you too.” He puts his right hand on her head, trying to stop her from sucking the soul out of him.
“I can’t help myself when you taste so good.” Emilia says after finally pulling back.
“Let me return the favour, love.”
“No need, just come here.” She puts her arms around his neck and pulls him back down with her on the bed, on top.
“Really? Are you already that wet for me?” He smirks.
“Mhm, daddy.” Emilia smirks as well, and Chris blushes. “You’re so cute when you get shy.”
“Cute is the last thing I want to be when you’re under me like this.” He looks at Emilia fondly and wastes no more time entering her.
She bites her bottom lip and holds back a moan, but when Chris presses his lips against her neck, sucking on the sweet spot he so conveniently remembers, she can’t help herself anymore.
“So good for me.” Chris praises, moving steadily in and out of her.
“Fuck, I love you so much.”
“I love you too, Emilia. Cum for me, will you, love?”
Emilia nods shortly before feeling the waves of her orgasm take over completely. It’s always been like this with Chris; he knows exactly how to kiss her, how to move, and what to say to get her to come undone.
He follows her soon after and releases inside of her, confessing his love to her over and over again.
“Go get me some Plan B tomorrow, I can’t go through another pregnancy.” Emilia says a few minutes later after they’ve cleaned up.
She is now laying on his chest just as she used to do when they first fell in love, and she’s never felt more at peace.
“I didn’t get to witness the first one, though. It’s not fair.”
“Sucks to be you.” She chuckles, and Chan tuts.
“Which reminds me. Ivy’s 4 already. Have you looked into kindergartens?”
“Ugh, I know I have to, I just… I’m a bit anxious to be away from her.”
“You don’t seem too anxious now.” Chan remarks with a smirk. For the past 2 months, ever since they made up, they spent no nights apart.
“She’s always had her own room, so she doesn’t mind sleeping alone.”
“You raised her well.”
“Thanks, and now it’s time for you to take over. I’ve been thinking…”
“Yeah? About what?”
“She’s still calling you Chris.”
“Yeah. She’s a cutie, can’t even pronounce the r right.” Chan chuckles.
“Wouldn’t dad sound better? I think she’s old enough to learn the truth, and I’m also ready…”
Chan smiles and kisses the top of her head.
“Wooyoung will be pissed.” He chuckles.
“Well, he’ll probably still be daddy to her, since he’ll stick around.”
“I know. I do owe him a lot, so don’t get me wrong. I’m not mad or anything.”
“Good. Don’t be.” She lifts her head to peck his lips, and then falls back down on his shoulder.
“Emilia, I have to tell you something.”
“What is it?”
“I’ve been following some suspicious activity for the past 2 years. Someone has been trying to revive The Scarlet Rose.”
“What?” She asks surprised and raises her head again to check if Chris just tried to tell a funny joke.
Unfortunately, he looks serious.
“They re-recruited people through the newspapers, but they started a more hands-on approach lately. Jisung and Iris have been investigating, and apparently, your former boss had a son out of wedlock. No one knew about it, so it was easy to keep him hidden and train him to take over someday.”
“Shit. That’s… unbelievable.”
“Yeah. We thought we finished them off by killing the boss and his closest associates. We’ve been sloppy.”
“So… what are we going to do about it?”
“Changbin, Minho and I have been working closely to set up a plan to blow them up and finish them off properly this time. We want to go through with it sometime next month, if we manage to find their location.”
Emilia stays silent.
“I’m sorry for not telling you any sooner. I just… I kept putting it off.”
“Why?”
“Because… you will want to join, and I… what if something happens to you?” Chris frowns.
“Then, what if something happens to you? Or were you willing to sit this one out and let your friends fight the war on their own?”
“Of course not… all of us are involved in this.”
“Do Wooyoung and San know about this mission?”
“No… I haven’t told them either.”
“Well, I don’t know about Wooyoung, but I’m sure San would have a few choice of words to tell his old mafia.”
“Is there really no way to prevent you from joining somehow?”
“Chris, we will do this together. Let’s pair up and take care of each other this time, okay?”
“Okay. Let’s have a meeting tomorrow and sort it out.”
~
“So, let me get this straight, even if you took care of those bastards, they still found a way to get back on track?” Wooyoung asks.
“Yes. Those fucking roses, can’t get rid of them!” Changbin curses.
“So, what’s the plan, boss?” San asks, eyeing Chan.
“We have a plan, but…”
“But?”
“Going head-on wouldn’t be a problem.” Minho starts. “But there’s still that issue with their current location.”
“What issue?” Wooyoung asks.
“We discovered three of their possible headquarters, but can’t be sure which one of them they actually reside in. All of them are guarded, so if we pick the wrong one and fail, not only would the new boss get alerted, but there might also be pointless casualties on our side.”
“It’s not our style to go unprepared.” Seungmin adds.
“What if there’s another way? Something similar to last time?” Emilia looks around the table. “When we planned Project Thrips, Boss had a big party to celebrate a really important trade. Maybe his son will do the same to officially establish his position within the Mafia, and we’d find out where the party is held.”
“The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.” Iris adds with a nod.
“That would be amazing. We just need all of them - or at least most - to be there in the house while we plant our explosives, and BOOM!” Changbin mimics the explosion with his hands.
“I agree with all of you, but how would we find it out this time? We no longer have any inside man to do the job for us.” Minho asks.
“I could try to infiltrate their mafia somehow…” Hyunjin suggests, but it’s quickly shut down by everyone around the table.
“San, what about the man that saved you?” Emilia asks in a hopeful tone, moment when San’s face brightens up.
“It’s a long shot, but I’ll try to get in touch with him.”
“That’s dangerous. How do we know if we can trust him?” Changbin rejects the idea, before quickly adding “I meant that man, not you, San. We’re cool.”
“Sure, brother.” San laughs. “The thing is, that man was following the Boss’ orders only because he was indebted to him somehow… I told you, he’s all about favours and returning favours, not so much about loyalty per-se. I don’t know if he made the run for it after you guys killed Boss, or if he decided to stick by his son as well…”
“Only one way to know. I will find him.” Jisung stands up immediately and heads towards his office. San nods and stands up as well, following him out of the room.
“So, depending on what these two find out, there’s either Plan A – go berserk to all locations and try to kill everyone until we get to the new leader, or Plan B – Project Thrips Pt. II, where we find out their exact location, plant our bombs and watch the place burn.” Momo says.
“What’s sure, though, is that we need to get rid of them, otherwise they might become a bigger problem later on.” Felix butts in.
“Let’s kill them all.”
~
~two weeks later~
“Chris, higher, higher!” Ivy exclaims while stomping her little feet in the air.
“Ivy, what do we say when we ask someone to do something for us?” Emilia scolds.
“Pleaaaseee.”
“Oh my, you’re so polite. Since you asked so nicely…” Chris replies, pushing her swing more.
Ivy laughs happily while going higher, until eventually Chris slows the swing down.
“Noooo!”
“Now, now, we don’t want you to fall, do we, baby?”
“Why? Will it hurt?”
“Yes, it would.” Chris pouts.
“Ivy, mommy wants to tell you something.” Emilia approaches the swing and squats down in front of the little girl.
“What is it mommy?”
“Do you like Chris?”
“Yes! I love him!”
Emilia smiles.
“Well, baby, I have something to tell you. Come here.” She urges her to come closer with her finger, and Ivy squirms with excitement and leans down, almost pressing her ear against Emilia’s mouth.
She whispers something that Chris can’t hear to her daughter, and the moment she is done, Ivy starts giggling. She stands up and throws herself against Chan, who is barely able to catch her in time, so she doesn’t fall, and he picks her up in his arms.
“I love you, daddy.” Ivy says, hugging him, and Chris is left bewildered.
Sure, he’s talked about this with Emilia before, but he didn’t expect Ivy to be so receptive or start calling him something different so fast, and although he wanted nothing more than Ivy to know that he is her father, he thought he was content with being called Chris, and not dad.
Until now, that is, for the moment the words left her little lips, his heart swelled up in his chest and he felt tears starting to roll down his cheeks.
“I love you too, baby.” He kisses her cheek, and Emilia can’t help herself but hug both of them tightly.
She’s never been happier.
~
~one month later~
“Preparations are finally complete. Let’s recap.” Chris starts with a clap of his hands.
“I don’t like the sense of déjà-vu this is giving me.” Momo shakes her head and Emilia starts laughing.
“Don’t interrupt him. He might grow a second head and eat the table and everyone around it.” Felix chuckles, making Chris roll his eyes.
“Very mature, guys. Come on, this mission is important.”
“How do we know that we can trust San’s guy?” Changbin frowns. “What if no one will be inside when we get there?”
“We don’t know. That’s the beauty of this mission. We’re starting with Plan B and hoping that the man is not loyal to the Scarlet Rose’s new boss, and in case things go awry, we switch to Plan A and fight everyone that’s present. If there’s no one there to fight, we call it a day and come back home.” Minho shrugs.
“Okay, now stop talking.” Chris claps his hands again. “Team 1 goes to the East side of the mansion. This is me, Emilia, San and Hyunjin. Team 2 takes the West entrance: Momo, Changbin, Felix and Jeongin. Team three is made out of Minho and Iris who will infiltrate the mansion through the North wing. Team 4 stays outside the South side since it’s the least guarded, and keeps their eyes on us: Wooyoung, Seungmin, Jisung. Our other men will be close in case we can’t plant the bombs and need reinforcements. All clear?”
“Sure thing, boss.” San nods.
“Let’s finish them, once and for all.”
“Let’s blow their place up!” Felix smirks excitedly.
~
“Nervous?” Chan asks Emilia in the car as he notices her checking her weapon.
“No, just making sure I have bullets on me this time.” She chuckles.
“No longer making the same mistakes, huh?” Hyunjin smirks.
“Exactly, tomato head.”
“He’s a pretty good-looking tomato, not gonna lie.” San shrugs.
“Thanks, man. Right back at you.” Hyunjin friendly pats San’s thigh once, and the two start laughing.
“I see you’re totally settled in.” Emilia mocks.
“How could I not, when my darling lives there as well?” San asks with a bright smile and grabs her hands, and Chan clears his throat.
They park the car a bit further away in the forest surrounding the potential new house of the Scarlet Rose and slowly start approaching the villa on foot. Hyunjin climbs in a tree nearby and, as decided, sets up to surveil the area with his sniper.
Chris, San and Emilia manage to take down the guards at the East gate and successfully make their way throughout the gardens. If their informant has been right, about 5 more men should be stationed at the entrance of the house, patrolling around.
“Sure enough, five guards.” Hyunjin taps on the microphone on his ear to inform his teammates of what he’s observing through the sniper lens.
“Thanks, Hyun.” Chan replies. “We’re advancing towards the house.”
“I’ll cover.”
“San, you go to the right. Try to not let any of them see you. Emilia and I will take care of them and then head to the left and try to get in through the third window on the ground floor.”
San nods and grabs Emilia’s hand, making her turn around.
“Be safe, Emi”
“You too. I love you, San.”
“Let’s go on a date when this is over.” He chuckles, and Emilia playfully slaps his arm. She knows that San is just joking around. In the past months, they’ve talked a lot about their feelings, and figured out that they care way more about each other as best friends than as anything else. The years helped San realise that his feelings were never romantic; he simply had a strong urge to protect her and cared so much about her, his younger naive self mistook it for romantic love, when it had always been platonic.
San even went on a couple of dates with Momo, but it didn’t work out that well, so now he’s turned his attention to Hyunjin, much to Wooyoung’s annoyance, who is sporting the biggest crush on San but has no confidence to actually do something about it.
Emilia finds it all amusing.
They bid each other farewell and promise to meet as soon as possible, when the mission is over.
They hug tightly before parting ways, and Emilia and Chris carefully start walking through the gardens, hiding themselves behind bushes and trees.
“You take that one.” She mouths to Chan, pointing to one of the guards that’s closing the distance between them. “I’ll take the other.”
Chan nods briefly and steps away from the tree, hitting the guard swiftly behind his neck, making him pass out in one move.
“Nice.” Emilia smiles and applauds him silently.
“Your turn.” Chan whispers.
She crouches down and picks up one of the syringes in her pockets, blowing it through a tube. It hits the guard in the thigh, and he curses briefly before looking down at his leg.
By the time he realises what happened, he grows dizzy and falls to the ground.
“Wooyoung and Jeongin working together on sedatives is pretty scary.” Chris affirms, hitting the guard with his leg to check if he’s really passed out.
“They seem to get along well.” Emilia chuckles.
“Stop flirting and move along, there’s 3 more right in front of you. They’re having a cigarette break or something.” Hyunjin speaks right in their ears.
“Should we take them all out?” Chris taps on his earpiece.
“Yeah, they look distracted. I can also shoot if you want me to.”
“No need. It would only attract attention. Let’s go, Emi.”
“Shit, I’m a bit wary of body combat.”
“You trained with Minho every day. Have some faith in yourself.”
“I still can’t take you on in a fight.” She frowns, and Chris chuckles.
“No, but I doubt these guys are on my level, love. You can start training with me after this mission, if you want.”
“Promise?”
“Promise. Now let’s go.”
They move quietly and, after a few deep breaths, they get out of hiding and jump the three guards who are completely taken aback. They don’t have enough time to draw their guns as Chris relentlessly starts attacking two of them, and Emilia takes care of the third.
“You’re a pretty tough guy, aren’t you?” She asks breathlessly after hitting the guy with all her force a few times.
“A weak girl like you could never win against me.” The man chuckles lowly and launches on her, but she is quicker. Even if she’s never been that good at body combat, what she’s always been good at was tricking people into doing exactly what she wanted them to.
As he jumps to hit her, she manages to grab one of the syringes from her pockets and sticks it deeply in his arm, at the cost of a punch that misses the real target - her jaw - and lands in her chest.
The pain is so strong, she can’t breathe for a few seconds, and she thinks in horror about the bruise that will form there, as the man falls unconscious to the ground.
“I don’t have to be stronger than you. I just have to be smarter.” She says with a smirk.
“Emi, a little bit of help here!” Chris shouts, making her turn around just in time to see him get hit in the stomach by one of the two men.
She doesn’t have enough time to come closer as Chris lands a strong punch in that guy’s temple, making him go unconscious as well. The other was already laying down on the ground.
“What did you need help for? You took them both out.”
“Oh, I didn’t need any. I just wanted you to see how cool I am when I’m fighting.”
“You still got hit.” She chuckles and pecks his lips.
“Oh, my. It hurts so bad you’re going to have to take care of me when we get back.” He smirks against her lips.
“You two are disgusting. Can’t you wait until you get home?” Hyunjin says through the earpiece, making the two laugh.
“Hyun’s right. Let’s go do our part and withdraw.” Emilia grabs Chan’s hand and they both start walking slowly towards the third window of the mansion.
Chan kneels down on one knee to allow Emilia to lift herself up using him, and then, she helps him up as well.
“Sky, how’s it going?”
“Team 3 is in. San already planted his bomb. Team 2 is still fighting. Need me to connect you to anyone?”
“No. We’re planting the bomb then going to find the new boss.”
“Be careful.”
Emilia takes out the small device from her pocket and they find a spot in the bookshelf in the room to place it securely.
“Momo challenged herself with these things. Brilliant idea.” She praises, unable to understand how such a small thing would be able to cause a big explosion.
“Right?” Chris smiles. “Our team only has the best.”
“You picked them well.” She smiles back. “Okay. We’ve done the easy part. Now… we have to find the new boss.” Emilia’s voice falls, and she starts getting anxious.
Infiltrating a house is never hard, but since they are unsure of their source, they decided to also look for the boss to confirm the boss is actually there.
“Before we go…” Chan starts. “Last time we had a mission together, you told me something. I feel like it’s time I tell you this, too. Emilia, we don’t know how today might go, so I just wanted you to know that I’ll always be on your side, no matter what.”
Emilia smiles.
“I know that already, Chris.” She kisses him, and when they part, they take a few moments to look into each other’s eyes. “And I on yours.”
“I know. I love you.” Chris places his hands on the sides of her face and kisses her again, deeper this time.
It’s hard for him to pull back, unaware of how tonight might go, so he makes sure to kiss her as if it would be the last time he’d get the chance to.
It might be.
“Now, let’s go.” He says after reluctantly breaking the kiss, and she nods.
They open the door and exit in the hallway on the ground floor. Multiple voices can be heard from all around them, signalling that the mansion is full.
“Maybe it would be better to just leave. We’ve already planted our bomb.” Emilia grabs Chan’s hand to stop him, but he shakes his head.
“We must do it better this time around. Besides, what if the others aren’t successful in planting their bombs? He might get away without a scratch. We can’t let that happen. He might not even be here.” Chris speaks, trying to sound convincing enough.
Truth be told, he’d much rather abandon the mission while both Emilia and him are still alive and well, but he knows he can’t.
“Damn, why are there so many people h-”
“Shh.” Chris covers her mouth with his hand and looks at her in panic. Someone is getting closer to them. They hold their breaths as they enter a random room, that’s thankfully empty.
“That was close.” Emilia whispers.
“We have to be careful. The boss’ room should be on the first floor if San’s informant is right, and in order to get there…”
“There’s four more rooms to pass until the staircase.”
“Shit.” Chris curses. “Okay… we can do this.”
Emilia grabs his hand and feels her chest get tight, unsure if it’s because of the impending sense of doom, or if it’s the result of the hit she received earlier.
They wait for a few more seconds before going back in the hallway and they try to control the anxiety rising in their chests. The breathing is the hardest to control, but they can’t be loud. Not now, when being discovered would equal certain death. No matter how skilled they both are, they couldn’t possibly escape a hallway of death while surrounded by armed enemies from all sides.
Through sheer luck, they manage to pass by the 4 rooms without anyone bumping into them in the hallway or noticing them passing in front of the doors, and they find the stairs.
They open each door on the first floor but find no one inside, until they finally get to the last door. They pray and pray that the boss is in the mansion in his room, and not on the ground floor in the living room with his guests, or even worse, in one of the other two mansions, and once they open the last door, they are relieved to notice that their prayers have been answered.
However, things can never go so smoothly.
A gun is pointed right at Chris as soon as he steps into the room, and he doesn’t get the chance to prevent Emilia from following him inside. The door closes behind them as soon as she does.
“Who are you? Why have you come here?!” The man inside raises his voice just as Emilia enters and sees San on the ground, beaten to a pulp, with a pool of blood under him.
“Oh my God!” She exclaims in horror.
“Answer!”
“Chris, where are you? San confirmed earlier that the boss is in his room, so you no longer need to go to check. We’re blowing them up. Team 2 confirmed they’re done. Setting up the countdown now. You have 5 minutes to get out.” Seungmin announces through the earpiece, but it’s too late. They’re already there. San is already there and lost the battle against the boss.
“We came to do what’s right.” Chris answers eventually, feeling anxious and unsure, but not letting it show. The situation doesn’t look too promising. He doesn’t know if San is dead or alive, but by the looks of it, he’s not very hopeful.
He also doesn’t know how to avoid getting shot in such a compromising position. He can only pray the man has shit aim.
“And what is that supposed to mean? Don’t tell me, you’re the bastards that killed my father!”
“And proud.” Chris chuckles. “Now we came for you. Your whole mansion is surrounded by our men. Even if you somehow kill us, there’s no way out for you. You’re all done.”
The boss contemplates Chan’s words for a few moments, before bursting out into a maniac laughter.
“Well, if I am to die anyway, let’s go to hell together.” The man screams at the top of his lungs and presses on the trigger, shooting Chris right in the chest.
Emilia’s eyes go wide as her lover falls to the ground in front of her, and her reactions have never been quicker. With her gun already in her hands, it’s easy enough to point and shoot that man, who instantly lets go of his pistol and grips the wound frantically with his hands, trying to stop the bleeding.
She’s never felt worse, and she hates the déjà vu feeling this whole situation gives her. It’s just like five years ago, when Hyo shot Felix in front of her eyes.
Once again, she is powerless, and she couldn’t prevent it from happening. Both San and Chris are on the floor, heavily wounded, and she doesn’t know what to do, who to help first.
Damn, why did they come to this mansion?
Why?
Why did things have to go like this?
She starts shaking uncontrollably as her eyes swell up with tears, and she kneels down next to Chris to check the damage. He’s closer than San, and while San’s been bleeding for a while, Chris has just been shot, so maybe, just maybe, there’s something she can still do.
“Chris! Oh God!” She exclaims while grabbing him and raising his head from the ground, but to her surprise, he sits up himself with a groan.
“Ugh, it feels like I’ve been hit with a baseball bat.” He touches the place on his chest where the bullet hit him.
Emilia looks confused for a second, before Chris starts talking again with difficulty. His brows are furrowed and his jaw is clenched, but still, he manages to stand up on his own holding the painful spot on his chest.
“Bulletproof vest. I’m not repeating Felix’s mistakes.”
“You idiot! I was so scared!” She cries out and stands up as well, hugging him tightly.
“I’m alright, fuck.” He pets the back of her head to comfort her. “Is he dead?” He points at the man hunched on the floor, and Emilia realises she hasn’t checked. She’s sure she’s hit him, but…
“Three minutes and the place explodes. Did you get out yet?”
They ignore Seungmin’s question as she stands up and goes to the man that’s hurling in pain.
“You bitch… who the fuck are you and how dare you-” He turns around to look at Emilia, then cowers in fear at her expression; her eyes are darker than the black of her hair, and her bright red lips turn into a sadistic smirk.
“Just a scarlet rose that’s withered completely. Now, go see your dad in hell, you bastard.” She shoots him one more time, ending his life.
“We have to get out now, Emi.” Chris grabs her hand. “Let’s-”
“What about San? I’m not leaving him behind for the second time.” She cuts him off with haste, running towards the man on the floor.
“Of course not. I was just about to say that we should grab him together and get out of here.”
Just then, steps start being heard from the corridor, making the couple turn their heads at the door.
“Shit, they’re coming this way. What do we do?” Emilia looks at Chan with panic in her eyes.
“Two minutes. Guys, we’re getting worried. Everyone’s here except for the three of you in Team 1.”
“Coming out now, Sky. We have to jump from the first floor.” Chris touches his earpiece and speaks hastily.
“What?!”
“Make sure you come get us. San’s hurt.”
Emilia helps Chan lift San’s body up. They are still not sure whether he’s dead or alive, but it doesn’t matter. Even if she had to drag his lifeless body out, she would. There’s no way in hell she’s leaving him here to die with these bastards.
“We jump at 3, okay? 1, 2…” Just then, the door opens, and Chris turns back and smirks before the three of them jump out the window.
“One minute! Are you out?!”
“Yes, come help us, fuck.”
A black van pulls right next to the mansion, and Wooyoung and Jisung run out, helping the three of them inside. They start driving away immediately, before the other guards have time to gather outside.
“Thank God you’re back, the place will blow up in 20 seconds.” Jisung speaks.
“Are you hurt?” Chris grabs Emilia’s hand to get her attention, as she was anxiously looking over at Wooyoung examining San.
“No,” she shakes her head, “my legs hurt a bit but I doubt it’s anything serious. You?”
“I’m good.”
“How’s San?” Emilia asks in panic, looking again at Wooyoung, who sighs with relief.
“No gunshots. Nothing too serious. Thank God. He’s just unconscious.”
“But there was so much blood…” She frowns.
“Nosebleed. He’s fine.”
“Do you think-” She starts again, but gets interrupted by a powerful explosion sound.
“Sky, connect me to Team 2 and Hyunjin.” Chris instructs Seungmin, who nods and follows the orders immediately.
“What is it, Boss?”
“Let’s meet up so Jeongin can come in this car and nurse San with Wooyoung. Hyunjin, I need your car.”
They do as commanded and meet up following a GPS point on the map that Seungmin set up. Chris grabs Emilia’s hand and pulls her with him in Hyunjin’s car, making him move to Team 2’s.
“Where are we going?” Emilia asks after putting on her seatbelt.
“Just up the hill. We need to watch the show after starting the fireworks, don’t we?” He smiles cunningly.
When they reach the top of the hill, they look at the mansion in the distance, now completely taken over by the flames.
“It’s finally over, hm?”
“Yeah. It’s all over. We did it.” Chris embraces her from the side and presses a kiss against her temple.
“So, no more threats for now.”
“If we don’t take into account the pain in my chest from that bullet, sure.” He puts his hand on his chest where the bullet hit the vest. “I think it’s bruised. It hurts.”
“I’ll have to kiss it extra hard tonight to make it better.” Emilia smirks, and Chris bursts out laughing.
“So… I guess we can now focus on a proper new beginning, hm?” He holds her hand, and she smiles.
“I guess so.” Emilia lifts his hand and kisses it, and then embraces him tightly. “We still have to pick out a kindergarten for Ivy.”
“Right! How could I forget?” Chris chuckles.
“Ugh, what will she even tell them when they ask her what we do for a living?”
“Hmm, mommy’s a stay-at-home mom, and daddy owns a business.”
“That does…?”
“Uhm… trades?” Chris tilts his head and Emilia starts laughing.
“Well, I guess it doesn’t really matter that much. As long as she doesn't find out about any of this, we’re good.”
Chris nods, looking fondly at Emilia.
Her eyes move from Chris to the burning mansion, as she presses her head against his chest.
“Watching the building you just set on fire burn does look pretty romantic though, doesn’t it?” He asks.
“Mhm. My favourite sight.” She raises on her toes and pecks his lips.
“Shall we go home now, my love?”
“What- just like that?” She asks, and Chris looks taken aback for a few seconds.
“What did you think was gonna happen?”
“I just… this would’ve been the perfect chance for you to-” She starts, then bites her tongue back and frowns.
“For me to what?” He asks amused.
“For you to- God! Nothing!” She turns around, annoyance in her tone.
“Emilia.” He chuckles and grabs her hand, making her turn around, and when she does, she notices a smug smile on his face.
“You shit eater!” She crosses her arms in front of her chest as he goes down on one knee.
“Marry me?” He pulls out a small box from one of his pockets and opens it, revealing a beautiful tear-shaped diamond ring nestled within a cradle of gold.
“Shut up.” She kneels down as well and hugs him tightly, then kisses his lips. “Where did you even keep this?”
“I might’ve switched those syringes for this box.” He confesses, averting his gaze.
“That’s dangerous and reckless!”
“No, what’s dangerous and reckless is you not answering my proposal! I’m a mafia boss, have you forgotten?” He chuckles, and she rolls her eyes. “Answer me or I’m not giving you the ring.”
“Oh my, what a threat! Fine.” She chuckles. “But only because of the ring. Yes. I’ll marry you. God!” She exclaims as if exasperated, and both start chuckling.
“I never really cared about marriage before, but it seems to work great for Minho and Iris.” Chris contemplates out loud.
“Well, we one-upped them by having a kid first, so…” Emilia shrugs, and they laugh again.
“I love you and our little family so much, Emilia.”
“I love you too, Chris.” She lets him place the ring on her finger, and then kisses him deeply. When she pulls back, his eyes sparkle with the red light coming from the mansion engulfed in flames.
“We should get going, our daughter is waiting for us at home” He smiles with fondness in his eyes.
“Mhm. Maybe we should stop by a hotel first, though…” She winks.
“I like how that sounds.” Chris grins, and they share another intimate kiss, overflowing with affection and love that fills not only their hearts, but their whole souls.
~The End~
---
(A/N) We have finally reached the end of this series.
Thank you for reading 'The Black Iris and the Withered Rose'!
Since the Mafia Series is currently done with this book, I wanted to go through its history for a little bit.
It all started with a Oneshot titled "CB98" (basically the first chapter of 'The White Lily') that I posted on Wattpad in my Oneshots Book on the 22nd of July 2022, and I never intended it to be more than a simple oneshot. I changed my mind after a lot of positive feedback and started creating a story around it that took 10 months to complete.
(see how important the feedback you give authors is?)
Afterwards, I created 'The Black Iris and the Withered Rose', which took another 10 months to write.
In total, the two stories have about 100k words, and I've spent more than 220 hours working on them during a period of about one year and a half. That's absolutely crazy, and I can't believe it's actually over now!
Although this chapter marks the end of the second book in the Mafia Series, I left some loose threads to be able to come back to this universe with other characters in the future. I think it would be interesting to explore the past of all of the members, how each of them got in the Mafia, and also show their present and future. This is, however, something I haven't planned on yet, so I cannot say if it would really happen or not.
Do let me know if you'd like to read more stories in this Mafia Universe, though!
(again, I'm insisting on the importance of feedback. None of these two stories in the series would've ever happened if people wouldn't have messaged me to ask me to continue the story.)
I hope you enjoyed this story, and I'm really grateful to everyone who liked, left comments, and went with me through this adventure.
I also hope I'll see all of you in my notifications again, and that you'll read my other stories, as a lot of time and effort goes behind each individual work.
Thank you once more, stay healthy, and let's meet again in another story!
Yours truly,
Storm
#stray kids#straykids#stray kids smut#stray kids masterlist#stray kids mafia#stray kids fanfiction#stray kids imagines#bang chan#bang chan smut#bang chan imagines#bang chan fluff#stray kids angst#stray kids scenarios#skz stay#stay#lee know#changbin#skz#hyunjin#felix#han jisung#seungmin#jeongin#san ateez#momo twice#wattpad#ao3#ao3 writer#fanfiction#fanfic
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better left unsaid // cth
chapter twenty
in which orion has leukemia, and calum doesn’t know.
calum hood x fem!oc
read other chapters
june 7, 2016
london, england
orion
Somehow, my roommates chose not to join me in London to see 5SOS again. We’d had so much fun at the Madrid show, but after Calum extended the invite to visit the band again, they all declined the offer. I didn’t like the thought of not seeing Cal at least once or twice more, so I booked my flight as soon as I could, choosing the cheapest option possible. It meant spending the night on the floor at the airport so I could catch the earliest flight today and still take the metro before it shut down at 2, but that also meant I landed pretty early on in the day.
Calum and I will have the whole day together. Well, the whole day aside from their soundcheck and other band obligations. I’ll be here with them tomorrow, too, but Calum said they’d have press for most of the day, so I’ll get to explore alone, and then after tomorrow’s show I’m tagging along to Brighton before flying back to Spain.
He’d offered to send a car to pick me up at the airport, but I declined. He tried to fight back and insist, but I felt like it was incredibly unnecessary. I can handle myself. So, once I made my way through customs, I followed the signs to the underground station and hopped on the next train that goes toward the direction of the hotel Calum said they’re staying at.
While I ride the tube, I text him.
To: calum 5sos
hi! on my way to you now. probably like 20 min!
I told him that I would be here early, so I’m hoping he’s awake.
The train is packed with commuters, so I feel extra cautious of being pickpocketed. My valuables are in my crossbody that I have in front of me, but my backpack is stuffed with clothes and makeup. I grip my phone as tightly as I can.
Calum texts me back quickly.
From: calum 5sos
hi pretty! I’m ready to go whenever you get here. can’t wait to see ya!
Suddenly I feel nervous to see him. I did my makeup on the plane and used a ton of overpriced dry shampoo I’d bought at the airport, but now I’m wondering if I look pretty enough to be hanging out with an internationally famous musician.
It’s also funny because it’s only been a few days since I last saw him, and yet, here I am, excited to see him. I’m borderline missing him, which feels wild considering I’ve only known him for about a week. I do my best to push away those kinds of feelings — this is just fun. We’re just having fun together. I’ll probably see him this trip, maybe try to see him one other time, and that’ll probably be it. I’m sure he’s got other girls who’d like to see him, and they’re only in Europe for a month and a half or so.
The rest of the ride to my final station seems to creep by slowly, my nerves just building while I stand awkwardly on the train, clutching my phone and the metal pole that’s keeping me steady.
When we get to the station, I quickly exit the train with an onslaught of other passengers. Most of them are dressed in business clothes, on their way to work. I’m wearing jean shorts and a cropped t-shirt with a linen button down on top, making me feel like I stand out. I’m casual, and I feel quite American in my outfit. My San Diego Padres baseball hat really adds to my American-ness, and I suddenly feel like I should’ve possibly rethought my outfit choice.
My hands are sweaty as I ride the escalator up to the exit. I route my way to Calum’s hotel, trying to at least know which direction to start walking in when I get to the street. Those efforts prove to be unnecessary because when I get to the street, I see Calum waiting for me.
He’s wearing his standard black pants and a pair of black Vans with a black and white striped t-shirt. He’s somewhat disguised with a pair of Raybans covering his eyes, but his height makes the grinning boy stick out to me as soon as I step off the escalator. He raises his hand in a wave when he sees me, instantly starting to walk towards me.
“Orion!” He calls out. As soon as he’s a few steps from me, Calum opens his arms wide so he can wrap me into a tight hug.
I’m somewhat stunned, truthfully, but try to hide it. I hug him back instantly, feeling safer in his grasp. He doesn’t hold onto me for too long, but I’m not sure if it’s because I step back after a few seconds in his arms or if he lets me go.
“No security?” I ask when there’s a foot or so of space between us. I look around, trying to see if there’s a guard hiding a few people away or something, but still don’t see anyone.
Calum shakes his head and smiles. “Nah, convinced Matt to let us free roam today. A trial run.”
I nod. “Got it, I’m on my best behavior.”
He laughs, throwing an arm over my shoulders. “Let’s go drop off your bag at the hotel, and we can get breakfast?” He asks as if it’s a question, even though it’s technically a sentence. “If you’re hungry, I mean.”
“I’m hungry,” I tell him. I feel his shoulders relax. “And I love breakfast.”
“I know you do,” Calum says.
He knows I love breakfast? Had I told him that? Maybe when I was drunk I mentioned it. I do tend to rant about things when I’m drunk.
“Sorry, didn’t mean that to sound creepy,” he then blurts. “I looked at like… your entire Instagram account like a creep, so maybe it should’ve sounded creepy. Sorry, now I’m showing you all my cards, I just—”
I cut him off with laughter. I’m flattered that he had scrolled through my feed. I was shocked to get the follow request, but I accepted it, assuming he’d just follow me and not ever interact with me. I figured it was a nicety. He probably follows every girl he hooks up with as some weird way to document them.
“It’s fine, I looked through yours too.” I did. I saw mostly what I expected. A bunch of stage photos, pictures with his bandmates, a few pictures with his family mixed in. I felt like I got a glimspe into who he is, beyond what I’d learnt during our day and a half together in Madrid.
“I’m flattered,” he says, chuckling.
“I mean it’s not every day I meet someone who knows Harry Styles,” I tell him. “Naturally I needed to see how close of friends you guys are.”
Calum scoffs. He turns me suddenly, onto a new street. I don’t question it and just try to keep up with his long legged pace. “I thought you weren’t a 1D fan?”
I laugh, but it comes out more as a giggle, which for some reason feels embarrassing. “I’m not, but you can’t deny that the man is dreamy.”
Calum laughs, but I’m not sure if it’s at my comment or at my awkward giggle. “I get it, you’re just pretending to like me so you can meet him.”
I’m so wrapped up in my conversation with Calum that I don’t even realize that we’re walking into an alley behind a hotel now. The only reason I realize it is because I can hear the echoes of a crowd from the other side of the building, chanting “5SOS” — it’s 7 in the morning, which is far too early for that in my opinion.
The security guard, Gus is his name, is the same one who had been in Madrid. He smiles when he sees me, or maybe when he sees Calum, or maybe it’s the combination of us. Either way, he waves his hand hello.
“Hi, Gus!” I call, offering him a smile.
“Good morning, Orion.” He remembers my name?
I look at Calum with a surprised look and find him already smiling at me. God, I like him. I smile back and mumble a quiet thank you when he opens the door to the hotel for me. We walk to the service elevator, Cal leading the way, and he presses the button for the seventh floor.
“For the record, I don’t need to meet Harry Styles. I’ve already met the coolest bassist that’s come out of Australia this decade.”
Calum rolls his eyes, feigning annoyance. “Just this decade?”
I throw my head back with a laugh. “I don’t know enough about bassists, and especially not Australian ones, so I didn’t want to oversell you.”
His annoyance evaporates and then he’s giggling with me. The doors open to the floor, Cal holding his arm out so they don’t close on me, and then he grabs onto my hand to pull me to his room. Once the door is unlocked, he opens it for me and lets me walk in ahead of him.
“I’m probably the coolest bassist to come out of Aus in the past century,” he announces, flicking the lights on. “And the hottest.”
I purse my lips. I’d agree, but I can’t inflate his ego. He’s already here, claiming to be the hottest and coolest bassist of the century. “You can keep telling yourself that, bud.” I’m also trying to avoid appearing completely smitten with him, even though I am.
He laughs again. “See, I like how you knock me down.”
I drop my backpack onto the armchair in the corner of the room, next to his open suitcase, messily piled with clothes and a few packs of cigarettes and then I hold my hand out to him. “I’ll pull you back up, too.”
“My dream girl.”
I do my best to ignore the sudden flutter in my chest, settling on smiling cheesily at him.
It’s just a fling, I tell myself. I need to keep my expectations low.
“You said there’d be breakfast?” I ask.
Calum’s expression turns unreadable, but his eyes are still kind and sparkling, so I don’t worry about it. “With me, there will always be breakfast.”
My dream boy, I think.
–
After a few hours of roaming London with Calum, I’ve fallen in love with the city. Despite it being a massive city, something about it all feels quaint… in a dirty, gloomy, stinky kind of way. My only request is that we go on the Eye, which he manages to get us on for free by taking a selfie with the girl at the ticket counter.
He and I also take a selfie with the view at the top. It’s our first picture together, and it might end up being the only photo of us together. I decide it’s a sweet memento to hold onto of this brief study abroad adventure. I haven’t told my moms yet that I’ve decided to take a weekend trip to London to visit a boy, but maybe someday I’ll show them this photo and they can understand why I made the choice to get on a plane to see his show.
We’re making our way to the venue now, the O2. He’s trying to be chill about it, but I can tell Calum is both stoked and incredibly nervous. I think it’s their first time headlining, but I’m not completely sure, and Cal seems too out of it to answer if I did ask. We’re on a train — I have no idea how he managed to convince Matt that he can take a train to the venue without a security guard, but again, not going to ask. He’s drumming his hands on his thighs in a pattern nervously, looking straight ahead of him at the blurry view outside the window.
I grab his left hand in both of mine, steadying it. He stops his tapping and whispers a quiet ‘sorry’ to me. In response, I just squeeze his hand tightly.
When I look away from his face, I face forward at the blurry view too. The train stops at a station, and I look down at the people sitting in front of me, which I quickly regret. A girl is sitting directly across from us wearing a 5 Seconds of Summer t-shirt and wide, shocked eyes while she stares at us.
My eyes mirror hers then, wide and nervous. I let go of Calum’s hand quickly and stand up, moving to his other side and holding onto a metal pole instead of holding his hand. Calum looks startled when he stares up at me.
“Are you okay?” He asks, his forehead wrinkling with concern.
I nod, clearing my throat. “Yeah, yeah, fine. Just…” I sigh, trailing off. “There’s a fan, across from you,” I whisper to him as quietly as I can. I feel incredibly self-conscious now, and I don’t want Calum to be so clearly seen with me. I know he’s said — a few times now — that he doesn’t mind being seen with me, but I don’t know how true that can really be. Female fan bases are incredibly powerful and a wonderful thing, but they’re not exactly known for being welcoming or kind to the women seen with their favorite men.
His eyes flit to behind me, up to me, and back behind me. He looks back up at me again. “Just a sec.”
Calum then stands up, walking the handful of steps over to the fan. I don’t watch, but I’m sure she’s peeing her pants. “Hi, I’m Calum,” I hear him say.
I think he sits down next to her, but I’m too scared to look.
“I know,” she squeaks out.
“Do you want to take a picture?”
“If you don’t mind, I don’t want to bother you.”
“Nah, of course you’re not bothering me,” he says in his normal kind voice. “Here, want me to take it?”
They’re quiet for a moment, taking their pictures, I’m guessing.
The intercom then announces that we’ve gotten to our destination. I turn around then, both Calum and his fan standing up as well. Calum grins at me and holds out his hand for me to take. Instead of taking it, I clasp mine together and just start walking off the train. I just try to avoid the gaze of the fan and walk quickly, following the signs for the exit.
When I make it to the street, I turn around, finding Calum struggling to catch up to me. He looks confused.
“What was that?” He asks. He’s laughing slightly, but his eyebrow is still quirked.
“Sorry, I just…” I don’t know how to finish my sentence. I feel my forehead wrinkle with anxiety. I don’t know how to explain it to him.
His eyes soften and his expression returns to a slightly more neutral one. I think he’s willing to drop it, so I take my chance and run with it.
“Which way are we going? I don’t want you to be late.”
Calum nods, pulling his phone out to check the directions. “This way,” he says, and we start walking.
As we walk, I look around at the crowd around us. There is a sea of people wearing flannels, black clothes, and 5 Seconds of Summer merch. They all seem too busy with whatever they’re doing, and I don’t see any eyes on Calum, so I take advantage of our chance to camouflage him. I take my hat off and stop, stand in front of him, and put my hat on his head. I grab his sunglasses from where he has them hanging on his shirt and hold them in front of his face.
He chuckles, putting on the glasses.
“No one will ever know it’s you. You’re unrecognizable.”
“Am I allowed to hold your hand in incognito mode?”
I’ve let him hold my hand all day, and he’s kissed me in public, so I don’t know that I should really be so weird about it now. It’s just the eyes boring into me at such a close proximity. I feel watched and judged, and I haven’t even done anything wrong.
“Maybe another time,” I say quietly. I feel guilty. I want him to hold my hand, but I don’t want an army of haters to follow me around for holding a guy’s hand for a few minutes.
We walk in silence, and I’m acutely aware to the presence of Calum’s hand on the small of my back while he guides me to the unmarked side of the building where I assume Matt said to meet him. We pass a handful of security guards, which Calum takes off his sunglasses for so they can see his face. They all just nod as we walk by.
As soon as we’re out of the view of the crowds of fans, I grab Calum’s hand again.
“It just feels very… smothering,” I say while we walk. “To have all of those eyes on me for just existing in your presence.”
“I’m sorry,” Calum says. “You don’t have to do anything you want to do, and that applies to far more than just holding hands.”
I squeeze his hand gently. “I know. I just don’t want you to get any negative backlash for holding some random girl’s hand.”
Calum squeezes my hand back. “I think I can handle it.” He gives me a jokingly cocky smile.
We walk into the back door of the arena, which, as we walked around it, is absolutely massive. So many people will be here tonight, and I get to be backstage? It’s somewhat unbelievable.
As soon as we’re inside, I can hear the hoots and hollers of the rest of Calum’s band. I got to meet them for a bit back in Madrid. They’re all very nice, but very loud and rowdy. Which, to be fair, makes sense considering they’re all roughly 20 years old and famous and somewhat rich. They can kind of do whatever they want.
“Has anyone seen Calum?” I hear one of them ask from some distance away. I don’t know their voices well enough to know which one it was and I don’t know exactly where they are. I’m just following Calum’s lead.
“He’s with that girl, Orion, today, remember?” Another one says.
“Oh! Right,” the first one replies. “She’s—“
They stop talking as Calum and I enter the room, and I am glad I don’t get to know how that sentence is going to end. I don’t think I want to know.
“Orion!” The blonde one, Luke, calls out when he sees us. “You made it!”
I smile at him and he’s running over to me, wrapping me into a tight hug. “Hi, nice to see you again.” I’m still tethered to Calum with my hand in his. I’d let his hand go but he’s got a tight grip on mine.
“Pssh, no need to sound so formal,” Luke says, letting me go.
“It is nice to see you again!” I argue.
Michael and Ashton also come over to give me hugs.
“Did you guys have fun today? Cal told us all about his plans,” Ashton says, looking back and forth between Calum and me.
I nod, smiling up at Cal. “Yeah, it was great.”
“It’s a miracle you guys are back on time. Calum is known for getting lost,” Michael tells me and laughs while Calum turns slightly pink.
Luke throws an arm around Calum’s neck, yanking him towards him. “Y’know how people have ‘Find My iPhone’? We need ‘Find My Calum.’”
“Well, if he’s with me I promise to get him where he needs to be on time.”
“I knew I liked you,” Matt dryly says from across the room. It’s probably the nicest thing the man has ever said because all of the guys look awestruck from the comment.
“C’mon, let’s sit down. We’ve got some time before soundcheck.” Calum pulls me toward the black sectional in the corner of the room. He flops onto it, kicking his feet up on the coffee table littered with empty beer bottles, Red Bull cans, solo cups, and a half empty bottle of vodka.
I don’t flop onto the couch, but I do sit next to him, letting him wrap an arm around me so I’m pressed into his side. It’s nice to be this close to him.
“Do you guys want a drink? We’ve got beer here but there’s other stuff they can grab for us if you want it.” Ashton calls out to us while bending over a cooler.
“I’ll do a beer!” I yell over to him and he nods, reaching into the cooler.
“Same, thanks, Ash!”
Luke jumps over the back of the couch to join us, but he’s so lanky that he ends up knocking over some of the bottles and cups on the table with the flailing of his limbs flying through the area. What looks like mystery liquid pools on the floor, some combination of beer, vodka, Red Bull, and some mysterious blue liquid.
“Seriously, Luke?!” Ashton yells. He’s laughing, holding three bottles of Stella Artois in his hands. He gives two to Calum, who hands one to me.
“This is what happens when you let me take four shots of vodka and shotgun a Red Bull at 2 in the afternoon!”
Jesus, I think. I know they’re used to partying and Luke isn’t exactly a small person, but still. Luke is off the couch again, walking around the room. He returns with a large handful of paper towels to clean up his mess. While Luke mops up the traces of beer and Red Bull from the table and the floor, Michael and Ashton join us on the couch, still snickering about Luke’s clumsiness.
I set my beer on the table and decide to help prevent anything else of the sort from happening again, so I start stacking up the solo cups and grab as many cans and bottles as I can hold. I meet Luke at the trash can to drop them in after his soaked paper towels, and he gives me a puzzled look.
“What are you doing?” Luke asks with a chuckle.
“I just thought it would prevent future spills,” I defend myself, going back to the couch to collect the rest, but Calum followed my lead and grabbed what was left.
“It wasn’t your mess to clean, but thank you,” Luke says and he gives me a bright, genuine smile.
When we sit back on the couch, Luke manages to put his feet up on the coffee table without spilling things, and we can all relax for a minute. Calum’s arm is back around me, and I take a few sips from my beer. All of the boys, aside from Cal, are tapping around on their phones. I try to decide if I want to talk to them or just whisper to Calum, which sounds kind of awkward, so I clear my throat.
“What did you guys do today?” I ask.
They all look up at their phones and at each other, surprise written on their faces.
“Not much, really,” Ash says, shrugging. “Got lunch at a place near where we used to live, reliving the glory days.”
“You guys used to live here?” They’re from Australia and they’ve toured a lot in the last few years. When did they live in London? Calum hadn’t mentioned it at all.
“Yeah, not for too long. Before the One Direction era.” Ashton smiles, amused by my surprised expression.
They had to have been babies then but still moved all the way to London for their careers. I can’t imagine my family being OK with shipping me across the world at that age, but I guess it must just be a testament to just how special and talented the four of them are. They were born for this life. Their parents must have known it.
“Anywhere else you’ve lived besides Australia, London, and LA?” I ask. I direct the question at Calum, even though he’s not the one saying anything.
“Cal almost moved to Brazil,” Ashton answers, making Calum shoot him a glare.
I raise my eyebrows. “Brazil?”
Calum flushes pink and avoids my gaze. “Yeah, but it didn’t happen.”
“Well, we moved to London because he didn’t move to Brazil, basically,” Ashton clarifies.
“What the hell was in Brazil?” I ask through slight laughter.
“Football,” Calum replies, the moniker supposedly enough information to explain the whole thing.
“Man, you really don’t know anything about us, do you?” Michael asks. He looks incredibly amused and he’s giggling after his question.
“Oi, Mike, be nice,” Ashton scolds while whacking Michael’s head softly.
“Soccer was in Brazil?” I ask Calum, trying to understand the bigger picture.
“Yeah, I went for some training,” he says. “Was supposed to go back, but decided I’d rather be in a band with these losers instead of playing footy.”
I look around the room at the rest of them, trying to see if any of them care to clarify. He was going to move to Brazil for soccer… like, to play professionally? I go to ask another question, but then a loud group of people walk in, demanding all of our attention.
They all look vaguely familiar, probably because I’ve seen pictures of at least a few of them on Calum’s Instagram. Cal’s bandmates all stand up and greet the crowd, embracing them, making a lot of noise, but Calum stays seated right next to me.
“Do you need to go say hi to them?” I ask. When I look at him, I find he’s staring at me.
“No, I was with most of them last night,” he shrugs.
I nod, glancing quickly back over at the people. The other three boys are totally swallowed by the mass of their friends. I look back to Cal and he’s inched his face closer to mine.
“I was supposed to go pro,” he says quietly. “With soccer, I mean. My parents were pissed when I told them I wanted to do this instead.”
“I’m sure they’re happy with the decision now.”
He grins, leaning a few inches forward so he can kiss me. It’s swift and short, but it’s still as sweet as can be. “Are you always like this?”
I furrow my brow. “Like what?”
“Always making the person you’re talking to feel like the most important person in the room.”
Then it’s my turn to blush. My cheeks get hot and I look away from Calum nervously. I try to always include people and ask questions, but I know sometimes it doesn’t come off well and it seems like I’m being annoying. It’s a relief that Calum thinks positively of my conversational habits.
“I like learning about you,” I confess. “And the rest of them. You’re all fun.”
Calum nods and then kisses me again. “Learning about you might just be my new favorite thing.”
My heart soars and I have to look away. If I look into his eyes, I’ll be a goner. I’ll be totally obsessed with this guy. He’s saying and doing all of the right things to get me to like him, and I have to protect myself. This is just temporary, while they’re touring Europe.
“Who are all those people?” I ask him, looking down at my lap.
He sighs. “It’s a mix of some of our music friends from LA, a few people we knew when we lived here, uh… oh, Mike’s girlfriend, Crystal. She’s the one with purple hair. There’s a girl Luke’s dating here, too.” Calum leans closer, so his mouth is by my ear. “But none of us like her,” he whispers.
I laugh slightly, but since I don’t know the girl I don’t want to base my opinions on just what Calum has said. “Which one is she?”
Cal laughs somewhat bitterly. “Don’t worry, you’ll know.”
I look over at the group of people and try to find Crystal and this other girl. Crystal I spot easily since, like Calum had mentioned, she has purple hair. She’s tall and pretty, with a sweet smile and light eyes, talking to Michael and another couple of guys. One I recognize as one of the members of the opening act. Then I look to Luke and find a tall girl with dark hair draped over him while he talks to a few of the other people. Got it. That’s the one that’s dating him. She’s not looking at any of the people huddled with, just clinging to Luke and standing there.
When I look back to Crystal to try to get a better look at her, she’s looking at me. Michael is saying something to her, and when she notices me looking her way, she smiles and waves. I smile and wave back awkwardly. Crystal then turns to Michael, puts a hand on his arm, and says something to him quickly before she walks over to the couch, sitting a few feet away from Cal and me and still smiling.
“Hi! I’m Crystal,” she says.
“Oh, hi! I’m Orion.”
Crystal smiles. “Oh, I know. This one won’t stop blabbing on about you and that club. What was it called again?” She directs the question to Calum, who looks embarrassed by her comment.
“Space Monkey,” I say for him. “My roommate’s girlfriend is a bartender there.”
She nods. “Such a weird name. Sorry, I would’ve said hi at the Madrid show, but wasn’t sure if it would have been overwhelming.”
I look to Calum, who hadn’t mentioned that there were other guests at the Madrid show. We only hung out with the band itself and my roommates. After the show, Calum and I went back to his hotel and my roommates went out with the band. None of them really remembered much the next morning, but they did say they had a fun time.
Crystal seems to know what I’m thinking and explains everything for Calum. “We hung out in the VIP viewing area that night, and when we went out after, I did get to meet your roommates. They were all so sweet, but we were all pretty wasted, so not sure if they remember it.”
“Sorry, I should’ve mentioned you could hang in the VIP section,” Calum apologizes. “I figured you’d prefer the pit.”
I laugh nervously. “Yeah, I do prefer the pit, but just feel bad if we kept you guys out of the backstage area that evening.”
Crystal shakes her head. “No, you were totally fine! We just went out for dinner before the show.”
I just nod. I didn’t realize they all had such a large entourage.
“I’m glad we get to meet you this time,” Crystal adds, still smiling very kindly at me. “Is this your first time to London?”
Calum has his arm around me and is lightly tracing shapes into my side and I’m at ease with his presence. Crystal isn’t scary or anything, but she seems eons cooler than I’ll ever be and she’s far prettier than I am. She also just seems to have it all together. I’m trying to make a good first impression.
“It is,” I answer. “I love it. Yours?”
She shakes her head. “No, I’ve been a few times, but I love it too. Anyway, I didn’t mean to interrupt you guys, just wanted to pop over and say hi. Come find me during soundcheck if you want someone to hang out with.”
I smile at her graciously. “Thank you, I probably will.”
Crystal gets up then and walks back over to Michael, who greets her by wrapping an arm around her waist while they pick up their conversation with their friends. The whole lot of them seem to mesh together like they’ve spent a lot of time with each other. It’s just crazy because there are so many of them.
“Wait, doesn’t your sister live in London?” I ask suddenly, realizing Calum’s sister doesn’t seem to be in the crowd. I look back at him and he giggles.
“She does, but she’s in LA right now.”
I sigh with relief. Meeting all these random people is a lot, but meeting Calum’s sister would be even more intense. She’s family. She’s not someone you introduce to a girl you met at a nightclub a few days prior that you hooked up with and invited to another show.
“What’s she like?” I ask. Calum smiles at the question, a light appearing in his brown eyes.
“She’s amazing. An incredible songwriter and singer. She’s kind, and she’s like a big sister to all of us, really. She’s my best friend. I’d do anything for her.”
“What’s her name?”
“Mali-Koa, but we just call her Mali.”
I look down at his arm, the name familiar because of the tattoo there. I trace the outline of the bird. “Like your tattoo.”
He nods. “Yes, like my tattoo,” he says. “Do you have siblings?”
I grin, instantly seizing my chance to show him pictures of my brother and getting my phone out. “I have a little brother. He’s four. His name is Eridanus, but we just call him Eri. He’s the sweetest boy ever.”
I pass Calum my phone with the album of photos with Eri and me lighting up the screen. He scrolls through, stopping at the one where Eri smeared brownie batter on my face and we both were laughing uncontrollably.
“You guys are cute,” Cal comments, handing my phone back.
“Boys, stage in 5!” Matt appears out of nowhere and disrupts the entire room’s conversations.
There’s a collective groan and Calum downs most of his beer quickly before he kisses my cheek, saying he’s gotta use the bathroom and will see me after soundcheck.
“You’ll be okay back here, right? You can also come watch, but it’s usually pretty boring. Or I can give you some cash if you want to go grab a coffee nearby or something?”
“I’ll be fine,” I tell him. He gives me a grin before he runs off.
I decide to take Crystal up on her offer and make my way over to her. She lights up as I approach her, her smile widening.
“Can I hang out with you for a bit?” I ask.
“Of course,” she says. “Here, I’ll introduce you to everyone.”
Crystal guides me through the group like I’m a show pony. I try to remember everyone’s names but it’s a total lost cause. Everyone is pretty nice, but some are more interested in meeting me than others. I don’t blame them — I’m sure there’s a fairly consistent rotation of people coming through this group in my shoes. It might not be worth trying to really connect with girls like me.
After I’ve met everyone, she shows me where the bathroom is and where I can get food if I’m hungry. Then, we head to the side of the stage so we can watch soundcheck. She takes me to Calum’s side of the stage instead of Michael’s, saying she sees it almost every night, so missing it this once isn’t that big of a deal. He looks surprised, but pleasantly, when he notices us, waving at me. I give him a thumbs up.
The soundcheck lasts for about an hour, and they play a few songs that they didn’t play at the Madrid show. I’ve tried to study their discography over the past few days, but I haven’t been able to learn everything yet, so I don’t know which songs are which. When I get a glimpse of Crystal’s face while we watch, she looks so proud.
“How long have you guys been together?” I ask her as we walk back to the dressing room.
Crystal laughs. “We’ve been friends for a while, but officially together for about 6 months.”
“So you’re used to… all this? By now?”
She laughs again and shakes her head. “I don’t think it’s something you ever get used to.”
I’m opening my second bottle of beer when the boys come backstage again, Calum coming straight to me. Crystal winks at me when he approaches and ducks away to catch up with Michael. I spin around to face Calum.
“You don’t have to come straight to me, you know,” I tell him. He’s taking a few gulps of his own fresh beer.
“You’re my guest,” he defends. “I’m not just gonna leave you hanging.”
I roll my eyes. “I can fend for myself.”
Calum laughs quietly. “Trust me, I know you can.”
I raise an eyebrow at him and take a swig of my beer. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Hmm, I don’t know, maybe that you moved to a country you’ve never been to alone? You navigated two international airports alone and the transit systems? Hell, Matt likes you. That’s something.”
“It’s not that hard. You just follow signs.”
Now Calum rolls his eyes. “Let me talk you up, please.”
I bite my tongue, holding back on making a snarky comment. Instead, I do my best to smile at him somewhat sweetly. “Fine.”
He kisses me again then and when he pulls back he grabs my hand in his, pulling me away from the mass of people and out the door. Once outside, he turns us around a corner so we’re away from the bodyguards and crew. As soon as we’re out of everyone’s sight, he grabs my hips and gently pushes me against the cinder block wall with his beer bottle pressed against my side.
Calum grazes his lips against mine, hovering without making full contact. I take matters into my own hands and wrap my arms around his neck to pull him down and kiss him, but my beer bottle, slick with condensation, slips out of my hand and crashes onto the pavement, shattering.
“Shit!”
Calum falls into a fit of laughter, stepping back to assess the mess I’ve just made. “What is it with you and spilling drinks?!”
read next chapter
a/n: not that i need to justify it but flashback chapters serve as some relief for all the weight of everything going on and also i want people to LOVE orion and cal together. that's the bigger goal ofc.
#5sos#5 seconds of summer#calum hood#luke hemmings#ashton irwin#fanfiction#michael clifford#fanfic#5sosfam#imagine#calum x oc#calum x ofc#calum hood fanfic#calum hood imagine
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There's no race, no ending in sight
r rating. title comes from "two of us on the run" by lucius
(enjoy. since i'm so invested in this now i wanted to do a ✨flashback✨ part and i love emporio ivankov and been hyping myself up on trans croc lately too so... this happened. mentions surgery but nothing graphic, threats to others safety. also mentions of someone's first time)
taglist: @hey-august @thoraeth
pt 1 + pt 2 + p3 + p4 + pt 5 + p6 + pt 7 +Pt 8 + Pt 9 + Pt 10 + Pt 11
Pt 9
twenty years ago
"I'm sorry, what?" The nineteen year old looked confused by the demand. Sunny had only been at the job for five years, she still had so much to learn, but this customer came in, one she had seen frequently in the last year, making adjustments to their clothes when it didn't feel right in the arms, the chest, hips, and length.
"I said marry me, shop girl." The cigar smoke was awful, lingering in the air as it dissipated. He was grinning at her.
"M-Mister Crocodile, I can't. I'm only half way through my apprenticeship and... and we don't know each other very well." Sunny tried to reason with him. Why would he want to marry her? "Besides, um, I'm not... ready for marriage."
He chuckled, reaching across the counter to touch her cheek gently; she shuddered, his touch was dry and coarse, like sandpaper against her skin. "It's not in your best interest to say no to me, girl, not when I can show you everything in the world, all the riches you could ever want, the prettiest clothes you could ever wear."
"I don't-"
"Saying no to me means you care little for your friends and family, you know. It won't be hard to destroy their livelihoods in an instant." He continued, tilting her head to look up at him. He was so much taller than her, larger even, that she was scared. Was he threatening Miss Pins and her parents? Why? Why did he want her out of countless others?
"But-"
"Just say yes."
Sunny's eyes widened. She didn't know or understand what this man could be capable of but she feared him. She couldn't risk her family being hurt or her boss. She didn't want to die either, not yet.
"Promise?" She asked as he studied her face, raising an eyebrow at her question. "Promise... you won't hurt me o-or my family. And... and I'll marry you."
His face split into a grin. "Good girl. I'll make sure you're happy."
~
Sunny didn't understand where they were. A man taller than her husband greeted them as they arrived on a new island, calling him "Croc-boy" which Sunny found kind of funny. They'd been married three months now and while he would call her darling, she hadn't thought of a pet name for him yet. Nothing seemed to work for him.
"Who's this sweet young thing?" The man asked Crocodile, giving Sunny a look over. She stood beside her husband, trying not to stare up at either of them. She felt so small beside them even without the height difference.
"My wife." Crocodile said as the three started walking along. "I decided to get married before coming to you."
"Hello! I'm Sunny." She said, not wanting to be rude. "I, um, like your outfit."
The outfit being a one piece leotard with very little front, showing off his chest and stomach. Despite working with clothing, Sunny wasn't quite used to seeing someone that exposed but she shook it off. Her parents and boss always taught her not to judge someone's clothes or how they presented themselves.
"She's cute." He chuckled. "My dear, I am Emporio Ivankov, but you can call me Iva if you please." He didn't hesitate in pulling Sunny away from her husband, having her walk beside her with Crocodile behind. "So, he's finally settling down. I hope he's treating you well."
"He... is." She said, glancing back at him. "Um, he's kind to me. I appreciate it." She looked back up at Iva. "Why are we here?"
"Oh, he didn't tell you?" Iva hummed softly. "Figures he wouldn't, but won't worry about it. You'll only be here a few weeks and then you can continue on your way."
~
A few weeks of Sunny staying by Crocodile, making sure he ate while checking his bandages with Iva. The marks on the side of his body looked fine, they healed quickly, but the ones on his chest would take longer, according to Iva. He couldn't use his abilities to take care of that.
Sunny didn't ask questions at first. Her husband wouldn't answer them anyway, but when she was making lunch for him, she finally had to ask Iva.
"I don't understand what you did or what happened."
"Oh, honey, your husband just wanted to be himself, that's all." Iva told her as Sunny put the bowl of soup on a tray. He looked her over again, a grin on his large face. "You really don't know your husband, do you?"
"No, not really." Sunny sighed. "I don't know if I even want to."
~
Sunny only saw her husband naked once before his visit with Iva. It was the only time he seemed uncomfortable around her, his unwanted body exposed to her. She was kind, not saying anything as she kissed him, unsure of what to do, but she told him she thought he looked so handsome, that his body was beautiful, being mindful where she touched him. She meant it. Sunny never wanted someone to feel uncomfortable around her.
After the surgery, however, he didn't have any problems with nudity around her. He seemed happier, more relaxed when he undressed around her, smirking at the way she stared at him as her cheeks reddened.
He was gentle with her the first time, knowing he was much larger than her, not wanting to hurt her or make it a horrible experience. It was a uncomfortable for Sunny but only because she didn't now what she needed to do for him. He insisted she just needed to let him do everything and that she just needed to enjoy herself.
~
She was allowed to visit her parents a few times. It was awkward introducing her husband to them. He really didn't care to meet them but he put up a front of loving husband, gifting them jewels, spices, and other things from around the world.
Her parents weren't stupid but Sunny insisted she was fine and that she was happy with him. He took good care of her and loved her, never raised his voice at her or threatened to hurt her. Everything was fine.
~
She didn't like Alabasta. It was too hot, dry, and she hated spending most of her time at home. Sometimes her husband would bring her to his casino, and sometimes she'd put on different clothes and sneak out to walk around the town but it wasn't often.
When that boy in the straw hat showed up and defeated her husband, allowing him to be arrested by the Marines, she finally felt free, even after interrogation after interrogation, she insisted she knew nothing, that she thought her husband just ran a casino and everything, she had no understanding of what he had been up to or what Baroque Works even was.
Which was a lie, Sunny knew more than others thought. She had listened in on some of his conversations when she'd bring him lunch and he'd hold her in his lap, giving her a kiss on the cheek while having a meeting over a transponder snail or in front of others. They didn't make any comments about his wife. They knew better.
~
Her freedom didn't last long. He managed to track her down in a little village far from Impel Down. She wasn't sure how he did, but seeing him again after time apart was heartbreaking. She didn't want to return to him but he maintained his original threat when they got married: he would never hurt her but the same couldn't be said for her family.
~
"I'm sorry, a clown owns you money?" Sunny thought that was the funniest sounding sentence to her and she snorted. "Why did you loan him money in the first place?"
"There was promise of repayment." Her husband replied, stubbing out his cigar on his plate. She had made him breakfast, one of the few things she enjoyed doing for him. She took a sip of her coffee and frowned.
"Huh." She grinned. "Good luck getting it back. Maybe he spent it all on peanuts for an elephant or something."
"I don't see how this is amusing, darling."
"It's not, really, but the idea of a clown owing you money is funny to me." She shrugged. "Have you talked to him about getting it back?"
"Not yet." He sighed. Sunny nodded and set her coffee cup down, sitting up in her seat.
"Can I go talk to him?"
Crocodile looked at her, raising an eyebrow. "Why would you want to?"
"Something to do." She shrugged again. "I'll talk to him and see if we can come up with an agreement about paying you back in a timely fashion, how does that sound?"
"We'll talk about after lunch." He said as he got up. "I have things to tend to."
#buggy the clown#sir crocodile#sunny x buggy#sunny x crocodile#buggy the clown x oc#buggy x oc#sir crocodile x oc#crocodile x oc
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I’LL JUST LET YOU LIVE | PIERRE GASLY
“there’s things i wanna say to you but i’ll just let you live”
not my gif :)
pairing: pierre gasly x reader
summary: having broken up with your childhood best friend and boyfriend of 2 years, you struggle to move on and resort to writing letters.
notes: loosely based off ‘cinnamon girl’ by lana del rey, hence the title. a little sloppy and messy which i apologise for, none of my writing seem to be up to satisfaction recently and i still don’t really know how to edit my work :(
warnings: none, just a little angsty
—
dear pierre,
sometimes, i look back at our relationship only to find memories where i can’t remember anything but pure joy. i look back at the pictures and videos and i can only see genuine love.
maybe you just do happen to be an excellent actor and were pretending all this while, or maybe you just stopped loving me and decided to pretend that you still did so that i would be able to prepare for my exams in peace. but whatever the reason, none of them are exactly better than the other.
i hate how france and the streets of rouen remind me too much of us to the point i had to move out to switzerland to let myself live without a depressing memory playing at the back of my head or with a constant worry i’d run into you somehow.
thankfully, i can still watch formula 1 and motorsport in peace without a single thought about the memories we made over the years. but i guess my love for motorsport is rooted in me. that’s how we became friends anyway. but, for as long as i think i’ll be watching racing for, i’ll never cheer you on.
though it hurts me to say that because i know i’d give injustice to my heart. i hate how my heart can still long for you though i tell myself that i hate you. i hate how i can’t delete the pictures from my camera roll because as soon as i do because my heart skips at least 10 beats at once when i take a look at how we were happy and the way you used to look at me.
my smiles were genuine, and it pains me to know that yours were never quite as real.
i hate how i could tell myself that i hate you again and again but still wish that i could have what we had back. i hate how i could say ‘i love you’ to you easily and struggle to say it with the same amount of admiration and love to someone else. i hate that i can say ‘i love you’ to you a million times and it still wouldn’t be enough.
i hate that i still love you.
love,
(y/n)
_________________
dear pierre,
it’s been 3 months since i last wrote, 7 since we broke up. it’s been months since the last time i had seen you and yet, as much as i try to, i can’t get over you.
i’m not surprised that you haven’t responded yet, not that i expected you to, i put your old address on it anyway and it’s probably invalid. i just didn’t want sad letters around my house.
i’ve tried everything i possibly can. i increased my practice hours in my sports, and in case you were wondering which you probably weren’t, i still play golf, i still go skiing in the winter, i still do everything i used to do and more, yet i still feel significantly emptier. it’s probably one of the few things giving me joy at the moment apart from my dog.
if you no longer love me, i hope you still love belle. or at least as much as she loved you because you picked her name. she’s still attached to the toy you got her, by the way, and she misses you. she’s also taken up your side of the bed in case you were wondering.
although i’m feeling better than i was since i sat down to write that letter, my heart still aches. it hurts to lose your boyfriend and best friend at the same time, and it hurts even more to know that you probably carried on with your life just fine.
i’ve been told that i lost my sparkle, which is something you probably took along with you considering the state of your car the race after we broke up. was that a bad joke? i feel like it was, for that i apologise, it was insensitive (kind of).
but in all seriousness, i’ve lost my spark and any kind of positive mood.
i still struggle to find peace with myself, i struggle to find my happiness. and maybe with my spark, you also took them away.
if you did, give it back. it was mine first.
love,
(y/n)
_________________
dear pierre,
your mum asked me how i was today, apparently she had lunch with mine and the topic of me moving to switzerland to try and run away from my misery was brought up. obviously, mamma told her that i was fine.
if you see this, tell her that i miss her but it’ll be a while since i see the streets of rouen. and tell her that i’m doing okay in switzerland.
but since i’m writing this letter, i’m not exactly okay. no one tells you how hard it is to move on and heal, much less find peace with yourself again.
sometimes wish i was egotistical about myself, that i was self-centered, because that would mean that i actually liked myself. instead, i’ve become complacent with my own company. everytime i look at myself in the mirror, i can’t help but analyse and critique myself to shreds just to figure out which part of me wasn’t good enough for you.
do you know how hard it is? to know that there’s no way of winning in life? to know that you’ll never be good enough? to know that you’re the second choice?
no, you obviously don’t. now that you’ve won in formula 1, you can officially say that you don’t know how it’s like to know that there’s no way of winning. take that statement how you will.
but i guess for my own sake, i’ll learn how to come to terms with it.
love,
(y/n)
_________________
dear pierre,
i went back to rouen for the first time in a year. that’s how long it’s been. i was meant to be there for a week, which used to be far too short of a trip back, but now it feels too long.
my bedroom at mamma’s house is still filled with pictures of us, ever since the day we became friends when i moved a couple blocks down from you. from this i think you can guess how hellish it must’ve been having to stay in the place that once used to give me so much comfort.
i passed by your old karting track— there was a picture of you hung up on one of the walls. i can’t escape you, can i?
although it scares me how easily i brushed off any questions or mentions of you, or us, because that means i’ve healed and i’m moving on. it scares me because i never thought i’d see the day i would stop loving you.
but now that i think about it, it probably is a good sign that i’m healing.
it’s bad to cling onto the bad things in life after all.
love,
(y/n)
_________________
dear pierre,
remember all the things you said you’d do with me but never did? yeah, i do too, so i went to do all of them by myself. call it a solo date, if you will. at the end of the day, all you really have is yourself, so i figured i’d at least enjoyed my company.
though sometimes, you need someone to help you learn these things with life. but learning isn’t always easy, and i know that i still have a long way to go with my healing.
and considering i’m still writing these pathetic little letters, i have a long way to go but it’s a road i’m willing to take. if that means healing and moving on, if that means appreciating myself, if that means finding my peace and bright spark back, it’s a road i’m willing to go down.
though i’m mad at the broken promises and maybe there’ll still be a small part of me hurt by everything, i’ll try to forgive you.
love,
(y/n)
p.s: congrats on your podium finish
_________________
dear pierre,
thank you for everything i’ve learned.
maybe things do happen for a reason.
love,
(y/n)
#f1 fic#f1 fiction#formula 1 fic#formula 1 fanfic#f1 fanfic#pierre gasly fic#pierre gasly x reader#pierre gasly angst#pierre gasly fluff#f1 imagine#pierre gasly imagine#formula 1 imagine#formula 1 x reader#f1 fic recc
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To: @lesbidiot
From: @aciesvirtus
I tried my best, this was very fun to write and I'm sorry if I couldn't quite fit the prompt but I hope you like it as much as I did !! And have a happy new year's !! :3
Promise
The strong sandy wind of the desert, the smell of blood and the pure panic of the nonary and the decision game still remained on Junpei's mind, 2 months have passed and he's still there.The voice of Zero echoing in his mind, all variations of him. As soon as he closed his eyes, he was there in the lounge, in the deck and so on.
He turned around, the bed making a creaking sound. The clock hit 6 AM on the dot, with barely any sleep he decided to get up.
After a trip to the bathroom and a quick session of putting his clothes on, he found himself in the relatively cramped kitchen.
The whole place was a mess, he has never cleaned it up ever since he got the place. With the coffee brewing he tapped on the countertop, staring outside from the window in front of him.
Could the religious freak be really real, he thought to himself. Was it a ploy to get Carlos to set Delta free? His detective gut said otherwise, he firmly believed the existence of this person.
His train of thought was disturbed by the doorbell. Considering that it was barely 7 AM at this point, he was hesitant to pick up the door. Who would even visit at this hour?
Junpei rapidly moved himself to the door, clasping the door knob firmly, readying himself to any type of horror that might come his way.
Soon he opened the door to find Akane, smiling wide. She held up a small brown paper bag, "Good Morning!" she said chipper.
"Oh, Akane.." Junpei took a breath as he stepped away to let Akane in as she welcomed herself in.
"What are you doing here at this hour? How did you even know I would be awake?" A small smile curled up on Junpei's lips as he crossed his arms.
"A little birdie told me" She smiled as she walked over to put the small bag and takeout a bagel from it "C'mon, I got these for you!"
Junpei took a bagel from the bag and took a bite of the bagel he held.
Akane frowned "Jumpy, have you gotten any sleep?"
"No, how could I?" Junpei chewed the bite.
Akane didn't respond.
Momentarily there was silence, Akane's expression turned idle "I've been trying to track down the fanatic but no luck so far."
"I..." Junpei got off track as he frowned, gathering his thoughts. "I haven't been digging myself yet, I need to call up the guys for that. I should get to that soon."
Akane nodded "Don't push yourself, you need a break" there was a concerned look on her eyes, Junpei could tell with the way her eyes moistened.
Junpei pulled Akane to a hug, "It's okay, don't worry about me." he whispered.
Akane blushed, "Can't help it." she giggled.
"In the meantime, maybe you and I can spend this day by ourselves?" Junpei said, life came back to his face as he smiled. "An actual date?"
Akane grinned "I wouldn't say no to that."
With that, Akane pulled away from the hug and made her way to the pile of stuff scattered around the sofa a step away.
"I meant like going to a movie or something, not rummaging through my dirty laundry!" Junpei said as he watched in awe as his fiancé started to hastily sort through the spread out items.
"Jumpy, c'mon! This could be fun! We can cook afterwards too!" Akane said chipperly again "Besides, I want to know all the secrets lying around here."
Junpei sighed "Well, you won't find much." He chuckled as he moved closer to the mess to help her.
They started to sort the trash, before moving onto the clothing. Two piles of trash bags stood by the door as they started to go through the clothing.
Suddenly, Akane pulled a pink Calvin Klein boxer that was stuck under a coffee table. She blushed as she tried to figure out the words to comment on this.
"Jumpy... I bet you look good in this." she said, all giggly.
Junpei blushed as he grabbed it from her as fast as he could. "T-Thank you?"
There was that awkward silence as they stared at each other for a few more seconds.
"Well, I say we did a good job." Akane grinned as she looked around the cleaner living room which was the size of an average bathroom in a 2 bedroom apartment.
Junpei smiled, but was interrupted by his own stomach gurgling. He realized he had only eaten a bagel and a cup of coffee this entire day.
Akane tilted her head slightly as she turned to Junpei, "Are you hungry?" she asked.
"Yeah." Junpei replied as he made his way to the fridge to see it completely empty.
"It's okay, Jumpy! Let's go grocery shopping!" Akane held Junpei's hand as she dragged him outside.
They went to the nearest market and Junpei filled the cart with things Akane told him to get, and it didn't take them long to pay and get back home.
Akane seemed to be in a rush of excitement as she started cooking rather quickly.
Junpei was still restocking the fridge when he asked. "So, what are we cooking?"
"It's a secret Kurashiki recipe." Akane beamed but halted and the smile disappeared "Aoi used to cook this so well, he taught it to me"
"He must be a great cook, huh?" Junpei asked with an idle expression.
"Yeah, he is." Akane sighed as the water boiled in the pan.
"Are you guys not on good terms?" Junpei hesitantly questioned since he remembered the time he last asked about Aoi and got no response.
"No, we are." Akane grinned, "I was just reminiscing."
Junpei smiled back. "Alright, I'm done with the fridge stuff. What else can I do?"
"Can you slice these for me?" She pointed to the light bag of vegetables.
Junpei grabbed the bag and washed the vegetables, there was a moment of silence again as he started to slice them in silence. In the meanwhile, he was trying to find something to say.
All he could do was stare at Akane, his Kanny as she cooked.
Everything felt so normal, even if it's for a moment. The tragedies of the past, all the timelines he abandoned almost disappeared. Like this was how everything should've been, or has been.
But it wasn't, and the tragedies won't go away. The religious fanatic won't go away in this simple moment.
He sighed, trying to savor the moment. He feared that this wouldn't last long.
"Hey, Jumpy are you okay? You're going to cut yourself" Akane intervened, disturbing Junpei's spiral. "Here, let me help you." She said as she grabbed another knife and started to slice another vegetable on the crowded cutting board. "You don't have to take it too hard, you're allowed to take a break, y'know? You've been through hell"
"As if you haven't?" Junpei responded cynically.
"This isn't about me." Akane frowned. "I dragged you in this"
"No, not really. I'd choose this in any timeline." Junpei looked down on the cutting board and back up at Akane, "I'd put everything on the line for you at every timeline."
Akane blushed. "I know that but I worry about you."
"You don't have to, I promise." Junpei said.
Akane dropped the knife lightly and wrapped her arms around Junpei.
"Jumpy..." Akane buried her face on Junpei's shoulder, Junpei could feel her warm cheeks. "I love you."
Junpei smiled, "I love you too, Kanny."
They stood in the same spot for a while as Akane held Junpei. Then they went back to cooking, the air got more lighthearted as they goofed around and laughed while they finished up the Kurashiki secret recipe.
Junpei set up the table, which was pretty modest since there wasn't much to set up. He pulled back one of the chairs, "Here you go, m'lady."
Akane giggled, "Oh, I can get used to this."
Junpei chuckled as a response while he did a little sprint to his own chair.
They were silent for the majority of the meal, it was the most peaceful silence for the longest time ever. Junpei realised how good of a cook Akane was, which made him wonder about all the sorrow and difficulties she must've faced along with her brother after losing their parents at a young age.
Of course, Akane never mentioned it in primary school but he couldn't help but wonder.
Soon they had already washed the dishes and were lounging on the sofa, arguing on what to watch.
Akane wavered the copy of Titanic, the 1997 version directed by James Cameron in her hands as she pouted "Come on, it's very good!"
"Don't get me wrong but I'd rather not watch anything with ships or Titanic for a very long while." Junpei crossed his arms.
"Okay, what do you want to watch then?"
"I don't know, something lighthearted? A comedy maybe?" Junpei suggested.
"Hmmm…" Akane put her pointer finger on her chin. "I don't know if I know any, though I wouldn't mind it."
Junpei tried to think of something as well but he was also behind the movie scene as he wasn't much of a movie person recently because of how busy he has been.
"Y'know what? Trashy reality TV is always good." Akane grabbed the remote and started to browse the channels.
Junpei shrugged as he put an arm around Akane as they landed on some stupid show about construction.
A few hours passed after they had lazily browsed through one show to another, Junpei laid down on Akane's lap, almost asleep.
Akane brushed through Junpei's hair gently when she suddenly said "I want to buy a European Castle. I heard they're relatively cheap, maybe I can swing one." she stopped as Junpei opened his eyes
"Why? Where did that come from?" Junpei grinned tiredly.
Akane shrugged. "Wouldn't it be fun? We can play king and queen."
Junpei chuckled "It would, you'd rock as a queen."
Akane blushed then let out a heartfelt laugh. Her hands went back to brushing Junpei's hair.
Junpei closed his eyes as he stretched his legs. "I'm so tired."
"Go ahead and sleep, I'll be here. I promise" Akane said softly as Junpei surrendered himself to sleep, the most peaceful one he had in a long while.
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2. "I'd like to dedicate this song to my partner, Kim Kitsuragi." (Nod to the lieutenant."
KIM KITSURAGI - The lieutenant doesn't say anything, but gives you a quick smile, before turning away.
COMPOSURE [Medium: Success] - He's incapable of blushing, but if he weren't -- he'd blush.
+1 Reputation
GARTE, THE CAFETERIA MANAGER - "Good, good," the cafeteria manager intervenes to cut the moment short. "Are we ready? I want to unplug the microphone now."
DRAMA - Last words?
"Evening will come, we will sew the white sail! Workers of the world, unite!" [Leave.]
"Thank you, Martinaise." [Leave.]
[Say nothing. Leave enigmatically.]
Since Volition won the skill poll by a landslide, we're going to stop in at a couple of places first. (Also, I don't have time to wait for the results of the next task poll tonight.)
🎵 Instrument of Surrender
ELECTRONIC DOORBELL - An old call box with a matrix of push buttons lists all the companies in the East Delta Commerce Centre.
7. [Volition - Challenging 12] "Slipstream SCA."
We only lost this last time because I tried to roll it after taking a bunch of morale damage.
VOLITION [Challenging: Success] - Whatever she says, it can't hurt you. You're a different person now. Stronger, healthier and...
Alright, maybe not *healthier*, but it's a *bonus* that you've drunk so hard you can't remember any of your past relationships. Oblivion's the ace in your corner.
Call her again. (Press the doorbell to Slipstream SCA.)
ELECTRONIC DOORBELL - There's a light buzz as you press the doorbell, waiting for her to answer the call. It's cold outside, and you can hear the wind blowing into the speaker.
PERCEPTION (HEARING) [Medium: Success] - There's the static again, whispering like a seashell pressed against the ear.
TRICENTENNIAL ELECTRICS - "Yes, hello, this is Tricentennial Electrics." It's the same voice you heard before. "Have you come to place an order?"
"Hi, it's me again. I wanted to talk to you."
"Last time we talked there was some confusion. You got me mixed up with someone else."
"Can you let me in please? I need to get inside this building."
TRICENTENNIAL ELECTRICS - "My god..."
VOLITION - Here come the bad vibes again. Relax. Distance yourself from it.
"What?"
"Please don't hang up. I just want to explain myself."
TRICENTENNIAL ELECTRICS - Before you can finish your sentence the voice continues speaking: "It's you..."
"My god, I didn't think I would hear your voice again."
REACTION SPEED [Easy: Success] - Wait, is she...?
"Wait, are you repeating your words?"
"Didn't you already say that the last time we talked?"
TRICENTENNIAL ELECTRICS - "Michel, just please..." Even her breathing, the way her voice drops when she finishes the sentence sounds exactly the same.
"Why did you even call? I don't understand... You've been gone for months," she continues. "I thought you didn't care."
DRAMA [Medium: Success] - Is this some kind of joke?
"Do you think it's *funny*, deceiving a police officer?"
"Just stop it already! Stop repeating your words!"
"It doesn't matter what I say, you're just going to continue, right?"
TRICENTENNIAL ELECTRICS - The voice from the intercom doesn't answer, but you can hear her breathing. Wind blows into your microphone again, crackling and echoing in the box.
"Is it over? Can we talk now?"
"Thank you. Now tell me, who's responsible for this *joke*?"
TRICENTENNIAL ELECTRICS - "Ever since I came to work here it's been different..."
"As if my mind's been wiped clean..."
Say nothing.
(Hang up the call.)
TRICENTENNIAL ELECTRICS - "It's so nice."
"It's so nice to be able to finally forget about you."
VOLITION - And then it hits you.
🎵 Live With Me
"You're a recording."
TRICENTENNIAL ELECTRICS - She tries again not to cry. And *still* doesn't succeed completely. Her quiet sobs sound old and distant, as if her voice is being played off a wax cylinder.
EMPATHY [Easy: Success] - Real or not, your mirror neurons react: it feels painful to be listening to this.
"Just a recording… and here I thought…"
"Why does it still feel like it's *my* fault?"
"Go ahead, ancient recording. Cry then."
TRICENTENNIAL ELECTRICS - Her sound melts into the static from a long-distance phone call. From time to time you can hear people talking in the distance, but can't make out any words.
VOLITION - This is where you hung up the call the last time, but the recording is still going.
Keep listening.
(Hang up the call.)
TRICENTENNIAL ELECTRICS - A phone rings in the office with an old-fashioned chime and someone walks by in a pair of heels. The static is like a warm blanket wrapped around the sounds.
"Is anyone there?"
(Hang up the call.)
TRICENTENNIAL ELECTRICS - No one replies, but the static grows stronger like rainfall. Then a female voice speaks out, completely different from the one before. Glorious and *total* somehow. Crawling inside your head.
SHIVERS [Trivial: Success] - Her words are too cold to comprehend. She smells of sodium lights and rain streaks on car windows. Eyes like pilot lights watch your shape in dark hallways, guttering.
KIM KITSURAGI - "So..." The strange, alien thought pattern ends. The lieutenant cuts in, inspecting the intercom.
"It was a recording trapped in the circuitry. From some ancient tenant. This sometimes happens. Shall we conclude here? We have other mysteries to solve."
"Wait, a recording trapped in the circuitry?"
"Something *weird* just happened to me."
(Just hang up the call.)
KIM KITSURAGI - "Mhmh. I don't have time to explain it to you right now. Maybe some time later..." He looks at the sea, almost wistful.
2. "Something *weird* just happened to me."
KIM KITSURAGI - "Don't take this the wrong way, but -- during our short stint working together -- *something weird* is almost always happening to you."
+5 XP
LOGIC [Medium: Success] - That *is* true.
12. [Leave.]
🎵 The Insulindian Miracle
JOYCE MESSIER - "You're back. Good." She takes a sip from her silvery thermal cup. "What can I help you with?"
"Can you tell me about these tattoos again?"
"By the way, I've talked to Evrart Claire."
"Let's talk some more about this *boat* that you're on."
"Tell me about Wild Pines. What do you do?"
"Tell me more about the strike at the harbour."
(Show her your badge.) "I found my badge, by the way."
"Let's talk about the lynching."
"I've got some more questions about *reality*."
"Thank you. That's all for now." [Leave.]
JOYCE MESSIER - "By love, you did!" She inspects the piece of blue plastic, her eyes scanning from left to right.
COMPOSURE [Medium: Success] - Fast, observantly. Like an electronic printer.
JOYCE MESSIER - She hands it back to you. "Pleased to meet you, Lieutenant Double-Yefreitor Du Bois. I am glad to see a man of high qualification -- the situation is precarious."
+5 XP
Seaweed drips from the badge in your hand. It smells of fish. "What can I help you with, lieutenant-yefreitor?"
2. "By the way, I've talked to Evrart Claire."
JOYCE MESSIER - "You have?" She smiles, carefully. "And how did you like Mr. Claire?"
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September is birthday month, if anyone's wondering why my acquisition of books appears to have slipped again (picture #2). At least I'd read nearly all of them before they joined my library shelves, and Winter's Gifts, well, it's really easy to read an Aaronovitch novella within a day or two of acquiring it. Especially since…
September was also week-vacation month, which is part of how I made it to 13 books read but very little explanation for my read-from-TBR-shelves stack (picture #1), only two of which I read on holiday. The two short ones I read in the gap between "finished the latest Book Of Substance" and "started the official Vacation Stack", and Digger was one of my 2023 goals so I decided to check that off. Baking Yesteryear was a surprise/accident. I was telling a coworker how much I enjoyed reading the library's copy and they said, "hey, while you were off, we got a copy too damaged to sell…". And one has to treat oneself in birthday month.
(Vacation was good, in case you were wondering. Camping, so no wifi, so lots of outdoors and reading time and charming rodent shenanigans.)
My biggest regret of the month, by which we mean less regret and more mild bookish panic, is the number of reading copies I appear to have taken home. I have one for Menewood which I'm planning to get to once I finish with My Roommate is a Vampire, and the rest of them were, well, um. Look. When your store buyer and random publishers send you books you'd enjoy and your coworkers finish reading ARCs you've been interested in, things happen, okay? At least at this point a lot of the books are coming out next year, which probably doesn't bode well for my 2024 TBR but that is a future problem.
Also, not doing great at my goal of reading a Canadian author every month. This is the second (?) month in a row I've failed on that front which, yes, is why I'm reading a Canadian author right now. (Also it's one of those ARCs a coworker finished with.)
Beyond the bookish stuff, there's not much to report. I've written a good bit and am surprising myself by how much I can write on my phone during a commute. Had a good birthday. Ate good food. Got fun things. Dealt with slightly more chaos at work than usual. Finished the last season of Great British Bake-Off aired in Canada and am looking forward to starting the Canadian version tonight.
How was your September?
And now without further ado, in order of enjoyment…
Evidence of Things Seen - Sarah Weinman, ed.
A collection of true crime journalism tackling recent social justice issues and big-picture flaws in the justice system.
8/10
multiple #ownvoices essays by BIPOC authors
warning: the usual things one would expect to find in true crime journalism
Infinity Gate - M.R. Carey
A scientist, the multiverse, AI, and the nature of humanity.
8/10
Nigerian and Moroccan POV characters
warning: slavery, fire, xenophobia, war, torture, violence
Thornhedge - T. Kingfisher
Toadling confronts the knight bent on entering the sleeper’s tower.
8/10
Arab Muslim secondary character
Digger Unearthed - Ursula Vernon
A wombat’s tunnel takes her to a very foreign land. She would like to go home please—but there are gods.
8.5/10
Baking Yesteryear - B. Dylan Hollis
Tried and true recipes from the past century.
9/10
🏳️🌈 author
The Fragile Threads of Power - V.E. Schwab
Seven years after Red London was saved, some people have moved on and others are still picking up the pieces. And some are asking whether the king deserves to be in power.
7.5/10
POV characters of colour, 🏳️🌈 POV characters (gay), 🏳️🌈 author
Winter’s Gifts - Ben Aaronovitch
Agent Kimberley Reynolds investigates a case with “unusual characteristics” during a Michigan winter.
7/10
Ojibwe secondary characters
Lud-In-The-Mist - Hope Mirrlees
A bourgeois father tries to save his children from the plague of fairy fruit—which is hard, since it doesn’t officially exist.
6.5/10
warning: classist, misogynist, generally unkind to the disabled and mentally ill
A Long Day in Lychford - Paul Cornell
Something is wrong with the borders around Lychford and the local coven has to put things right before people get hurt.
7/10
Black British main character
warning: mild racism and xenophobia
The Vaster Wilds - Lauren Groff
A servant girl flees her colonial town for the dubious safety of the wilderness.
7/10
protagonist of colour, mentally disabled secondary character, incidental Powhatan and other indigenous characters
warning: racism, misogyny, rape, disease, starvation, murder, death of a child
Board to Death - CJ Connor
Ben turns down a suspiciously good deal on an old board game. Then the dealer turns up dead on his doorstep.
6/10
🏳️🌈 main character (gay), 🏳️🌈 secondary character (gay), 🏳️🌈 author, #ownvoices
Starter Villain - John Scalzi
Charlie inherits a supervillain empire, complete with a subscription mega-laser, spy cats, and enemies.
6.5/10
The Lazy Tour of Two Idle Apprentices - Charles Dickens and Wilkie Collins
Two friends go on a holiday to northern England.
7/10
Currently reading:
Like Every Form of Love - Padma Viswanathan
A writer digs into the strange, complicated story of a man she befriended in a marina.
🏳️🌈 secondary character (gay), Indo-Canadian author, 🇨🇦
warning: domestic and child abuse
My Roommate is a Vampire - Jenna Levine
There’s a room-to-rent in Cassie’s low, low budget. The (hot) guy renting it acts like he’s from the 1800s. Surely he’s just quirky.
🏳️🌈 secondary characters (gay)
Music from the Earliest Notations to the Sixteenth Century - Richard Taruskin
A history of early written European music, in its social and political contexts.
Stats
Monthly total: 13
Yearly total: 100/140
Queer books: 3
Authors of colour: 0
Books by women: 5
Authors outside the binary: 0
Canadian authors: 0
Off the TBR shelves: 5
Books hauled: 6
ARCs acquired: 12
ARCs unhauled: 4
DNFs: 0
January February March April May June July August
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Hiatus Reading: “I’m still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!”
Fanonwriter2023 on AO3
Where CANON and FANON collide!
Season 7 FANON Speculation
Buddie Multi-Chapter Fanfic
Chapter 7 is now available on AO3.
“I’m still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!”
“I’m still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!”
Currently 7 chapters completed: 154.8K words
Rated: Mature
One chapter will be posted at a time.
___________
Here’s a snippet from one of Buck’s and Eddie late night conversations included in chapter 7.
___________
After several minutes of silence, Buck clears his throat and asks, “Do you ever think about how… it’s not worth it?”
It’s like déjà vu as realization sets in for Eddie because they’ve had this conversation before but their roles were reversed and the question hits him in the chest like a boulder has been dropped on top of it. As he looks at him, he tries to keep his facial expression neutral but he’s not sure if Buck even notices since he quickly glances at him then looks away.
“Not the therapy. I—I mean…” He runs his hand over his face and continues. “Is being born even worth it?” He meets Eddie’s eyes. “I mean with all the crap we have to put up with when… dealing with our parents… or in my case the people who brought me into this world.”
Eddie doesn’t interrupt but he does raise his eyebrows.
Buck clears his throat and nervously rubs his sweaty hands on his thighs to dry them on his pants. “I wanted them to love me but they’ve always had their own selfish reasons for bringing me into the world so…” He trails off.
A loud and uncomfortable silence engulfs the room.
Then after a few seconds, in a low voice, Buck continues. “Maybe things would have been better if I was never born.” He shrugs his shoulders. “I mean my defective parts prevented me from being able to do the one thing I was born to do and since I couldn’t do that… I’m just wondering what’s the point of it all since I wasn’t meant to be here in the first place.”
Eddie’s heart shatters at Buck’s words because after all these years, he still hasn’t realized how important he is to them. Not just to him and Chris but to Maddie, Bobby and the 118 since they all need him.
He’s trying to think of the best way to respond so Buck will understand he’s needed and wanted but before he has the chance to, Buck stands up and says, “Sorry… I should take a shower and go back to bed because it’s late”.
___________
Fic Summary: Months after Buck and Eddie were hit by the same lightning strike; they’re still struggling with the aftermath of it. But before they make their love confessions, they’ll spend time getting to know themselves as individuals first. Eddie learns to enjoy the simple things in life as he participates in activities on his own and with new friends while Buck learns the rest of the 31-year-old deep dark family secret about his conception and birth. Their journey to forever is still a work in progress but once they finally admit they’re in love with each other, everything that follows their love confessions will be cataclysmic.
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Chapter Summaries
Chapter 1 - Eddie makes a new friend while Buck receives devastating news regarding the sperm donation he made for Connor and Kameron.
Chapter 2 - Buck does a lot of research to learn more about the abnormalities found in his red blood cells and Eddie starts a new therapy journey that’s all about him and not the traumas he’s experienced.
Chapter 3 - After more than a month, Buck and Eddie finally spend time together outside of work but it doesn’t end well and they part with a lot of uncertainty regarding their places in each other’s lives.
Chapter 4 - Eddie has a few realizations about his life which causes him to consider moving back to El Paso, TX while Buck continues to be reminded of his past which causes him to take an impromptu road trip across America.
Chapter 5 - Both Buck and Eddie have difficult conversations with their parents and Buck finally learns the truth behind the reason why his mother despised him while Eddie finally tells his mother about the way she tries to control him.
Chapter 6 - More than two weeks after Buck pushed Eddie away after suggesting they needed a break; Eddie decides to try again. Eddie’s there for Buck when he’s at his worst just like Buck was there for him when he was at his worst and he won’t let Buck give up.
Chapter 7 - After Buck’s mental breakdown, Eddie has his back the same way Buck had his when he had his own breakdown more than a year ago. They share several vulnerable and emotionally intimate moments with one another and they begin to realize their small, sweet and caring gestures matter just as much if not more than any grand gesture ever could because these are part of the foundation when a couple builds a long-lasting love relationship.
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Read chapters 1-7 are available on AO3.
Continue reading on AO3
#buddie#eddie diaz#evan buckley#christopher diaz#the buckley diaz family#buckley diaz family#911 fox#911 on fox#911onfox#911 abc#911 on abc#911 season 7 speculation#911 season 7#911 fanfic#buddie fanfic#Fanonwriter2023 on AO3#ao3 fanfic#I'm still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!#Hiatus Reading#Chapter 7 is now available on AO3
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About CoParents:
Warning- Long post, and my thoughts are a little jumbled
I got accused of racism today over my Co Parents drabble featuring Eris and Cassian. I was also accused of alienating Cassian from his daughter, forcing her to grow up in a place known for racism and prejudice, ect.
And I just need to talk about it.
To address the alienation- I based the relationship between Cassian, Eris, and babygirl off of one I see in my everyday life between my partner's brother, his daughter, her momma and her significant other.
In my real life- Momma has primary custody of their daughter, and she has been with her significant other since their daughter was about 7 months old. She is 4 and views both of them as daddy. She gets sad when she leaves her "home dad" and mom. But that sadness is quickly gone as soon as she is with bio daddy (partner's brother.)
I based the communications and exchange on what I've watched between the two men in my life. The babygirl in my life is happy, healthy, loves both of her daddies equally, but like all Littles who have adult feelings, but do not know how to express them, she gets a little sad because she knows she'll miss mom and dad, even if she's super excited to also see biodaddy, and she cries leaving biodaddy to go back home. We've ALL worked our asses off ensuring she has healthy home lives, support from all of us, and she knows how loved, wanted, and supported she is (and she does.) I do not see a few little tears during an exchange as a sign of alienating a parent.
I also tried to make it clear she sees Cassian. The updates Eris gave him are SMALL. (She likes hot chocolate before bed now. Potty issues a lot of littles struggle with.) Eris calls Cassian her dad, which is NOT something people alienating a parent does. Eris told Cassian he had no doubts Cassian would take good care of her over the next 2 weeks, which is a sign of Eris supporting Cassian as a father. I had planned on doing the exchange back with Cassian in Autumn, returning babygirl to the reader, and meeting the babe.
But now we head into the racism part.
Being accused of being racist is a lingering ick, and I can't shake it.
I am active in organizations that work with BIPOC on educating people on racism, discrimination, and privilege. I work with law enforcement, medical, and fire teams regarding race sensitivity education. I am the dispatcher who also handles empathy training in our department. I pride myself on being sensitive, empathic, and educated on signs of racism and microaggressions.
I want to apologize if Co Parents came off that way to someone else, though. I want to apologize to anyone who may have been offended. It was not my intent at all as the writer, and genuinely, if I hurt you, I am sorry.
I'm debating on deleting Co Parents and being done with writing acotar characters as parents, especially in Coparenting situations and blended houses. I never want to feel as icky as I do right now, I will not be writing a follow-up to it if it does stay up, and I'm going to be done with the dynamic to prevent this from happening again.
I do also want to add-
I am fine with discussing and taking criticism for my writing. If it turns into a debate, though, and "let's agree to disagree," has been said by both of us, but it still turns into more digging and backhanded attacks, I make no promises I won't block you.. I want my blog to be a safe haven for myself and my followers. I won't allow someone to attack any of you or me here. I don't appreciate that at all. I was going to allow the comments to sit, but there's a line, and I felt it was crossed in this situation.
I don't know, friends. Feeling pretty icky.
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