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eleanor-devil · 3 years

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Boruto: Sacrifices [Remade] | Chap.11 - Lost Hopes

Written by: Eleanor-Devil & @mirage-05

Sarada was counting in her head as her father continued his brisk pace. They were almost out of the hospital building, she could see Boruto in the Hokage's arms in front of them... "Papa..." she whispered, her voice tight and low with the sobs, tears still sliding down her cheeks. "It's been a minute and a half... P-please, let's just turn back..." Her voice became tinier then. "I need to know..." she couldn't finish her sentence, but still, Sasuke didn't stop. "Papa..." Sarada said again, becoming almost hysterical. "Please, I-I'm begging you... We need to be with him..." "Your mother is with him." That was all Sasuke told her as he continued walking away from there.

"No! Papa please!" Sarada squeezed her eyes shut as she kicked her legs, trying to release her body from her father's grip. And then she felt it, fresh and cold air hitting her straight in the face, causing her hair to fly. Feeling a new source of power from his daughter, and quite confused by this, Sasuke looked up at her, slightly frowning. What he saw made his eyes slightly widen. An intricate flowery shape in the place of her irises... He indeed almost came to a stop. No, this was too early... Once they reached outside, he put her down but still held her tightly by her shoulder, making sure she didn't run back inside as soon as he let her go. "Papa please let me go!" yelled the girl. "Sarada, you need to calm down," he replied in his calm voice, even though he was too worried about what he had seen. "How?! How can I calm down!? He is in there, he is dying!" "Your mother and the medics are doing everything they can. Even if you were in there, there is nothing you can do." "I don't care!" the girl screamed, shaking uncontrollably. "He needs us!" "There is nothing you can do." the man said once again, firmly. "You will stay right here until there is something new from the inside. It's all up to him now, you being inside or throwing a tantrum is not going to change the outcome. Calm down." Boruto was still subconsciously gripping his father's clothes as he cried his heart out, the images of what he had just witnessed wouldn't leave his mind, he didn't think it would disappear so soon... Mitsuki's hand trying to hold his own, his last words, how his head dropped to a side and his hand slipped away... All of it only made the younger blond grip Naruto's clothes tighter. He heard all of Sarada's and his master's discussion and he wanted to say something too, agree with his childhood friend, but words weren't forming. Naruto was holding him tightly, caressing his hair gently, not saying anything. He was holding his careful control in place for both of the kids' sake, to keep his worries and sadness inside, he knew he had to just trust Sakura and Tsunade... And Mitsuki... he would make it... he was a strong boy, he would make it... "Take it back..." he heard Boruto mumble in between his sobs. He didn't remember the last time his son had a complete breakdown like this. "Take it back, take it back... I-I can't... Take these three days back..." The boy's hand gripped his clothes harder as sobs continuously rocked through his body. Naruto stopped caressing his son's blond locks, lighter than his own, and he just stayed there with his hand resting against his head. The Hokage closed his eyes tightly at his son's plea... "I wish I could... believe me, I would go back if I could..." But he couldn't, and the harsh, cold reality was right there before his eyes... Mitsuki was dying and Naruto could only pray that he would make it. It hurt... it hurt him so badly, not just to see a child's life slip away like this but a child that he knew, that was close and important to his son, a child that just a few days ago was alive and well... He didn't even know how the boy had taken his words to his heart... How he considered them a second family... How much didn't he know about Mitsuki...? "Dad..." Boruto looked up at him. "Please... please go back inside... I can't leave him... I need to be by his side... Please... I promised..." The boy couldn't complete his sentence as he once again snuggled closer to his father, his crying muffled as he buried his face in Naruto's chest. Naruto returned to caress Boruto's hair, in hopes it would calm him down, like he and Hinata did when he was younger. "We will go back when your aunt Sakura says it's good okay...?" But Boruto just shook his head, he didn't want later, he wanted now... Naruto glanced at Sasuke and Sarada, she seemed to be rather calm but still crying. He noticed her irises were red... sharingan? No... there was something different... it couldn't be... 'Mangekyou Sharingan...!?' Naruto was shocked... she was barely thirteen...! His mind was reeling... He wanted, needed to ask so much to Sasuke... but this wasn't the time... "I'm going to come back and take you when your mother says you can see him." The older Uchiha was saying. "I promise..." Then Sasuke inched his head slightly up, his eyes moving to Naruto. It was clear in his eyes - he needed to be inside... With Orochimaru there, they couldn't afford any mistakes... Naruto gulped and nodded to him, telling him silently that this was under his control. As his friend rushed back inside, he approached the girl and kneeled down to her level, hugging her with his free arm. "Three minutes..." Sarada whispered, snuggling closer. "Lord Seventh... why don't they say anything...?" Naruto closed his eyes for a moment before opening them again and looking at the hospital's entrance where his friend had just disappeared into. "I wish I knew Sarada... but we can only wait... and pray..." It had taken a while, but both the children eventually calmed down a little and pushed themselves gently away from the Hokage. They were too restless to stay put, they started pacing around. At least they didn't try to run back to the building... A soft, calm drop on his nose made the man do a double take and he looked up... just in time to see a small leaf drifting through the air, landing just before his feet. Then tiny drops started to fall as a light rain began. Naruto's heart skipped a beat... Boruto stopped abruptly, gazing at the sky, tiny drops landing on his face. "Mitsuki...?" he whispered, so soft that it was almost inaudible. No... it wasn't... it couldn't be the meaning of that... it was just a coincidence, right...? Naruto wanted to believe that...but it was so hard considering the situation. A distant sound echoed through the clouds, the thunders. Just as a second thunder echoed, Naruto heard paces coming from inside to the outside of the hospital. And he looked up to see a fit of short pink hair. His heart jumped to his throat, and before he knew it, he had met her halfway. Sakura looked very worn out, her hands shaking and her eyes brimming with tears as she approached him quickly, not quite meeting his eyes. 'Please... no...' Naruto thought, his breath getting caught as he tried to suppress a sob. "Sakura-chan..." he said, his voice so weak that it barely even reached his own ears. Sakura quickly looked towards the kids, who Naruto then realized that haven't followed him, maybe because of how they were still too shocked to move - or comprehend. Sakura took in a shaky breath, and finally met his eyes as a lone tear slid down from her eye. "It was close..." she whispered, her voice tired and strained. "Very, very close... Oh, god..." As his friend started crying softly, Naruto felt part of the weight from his heart lift and literally sagged, shedding a tear himself, realizing how grateful he was that he didn't need to explain to his son and Sarada that their best friend couldn't make it. "Please... tell me that you beat the shit out of the bastards who could do this to a child," Sakura choked out. "He is fighting... He is stubborn, thank god, I will give him that, but... His heart has become so weak, even Tsunade-sama can't tell for sure if he's out of the risk zone yet." "Is he...?" the blond began, but wasn't sure how to continue it. "We got his heart beating again, but he drifted into a coma by the time we stabilized him," Sakura said sadly, and heard her friend gasp. "In a way it is better, because he needs the time to get his body to heal itself - we were actually considering keeping him in a drug-induced coma if everything went smoothly. But now... We don't have any control over when he will wake up." Sakura hesitated for a second before slowly adding. "If... he will wake up." "No..." Naruto mumbled softly, feeling like his heart was breaking into pieces. His friend put a hand to his arm, and glanced briefly at Boruto and Sarada over his shoulder. "You need to talk to them." "Leave the hardest part to me, why won't you?" Naruto mumbled brokenly. A bitter smile, one without any kind of humor, flashed on Sakura's face for the briefest of seconds. "I need to get back in. Try to ease it up to them..." As the med-nin turned her back to go, the blond tried not to let the heaviness in his heart weigh him down. A coma... A dark, endless stretch of space where they probably had no means to reach Mitsuki... A kid, who was at the very beginning of his life... How did it all come to this?... He turned his back, and almost bumped into Boruto, who was running to him, Sarada close behind. Boruto looked at his father with huge eyes, his breathing hitched to the point of hyperventilation. "Dad...?" he asked in a small, fearful voice that didn't belong to him. "Is Mitsuki...?" Sarada couldn't finish her sentence. Naruto gulped once, then looked at them squarely in the eyes. "I'm sorry, but..." "N... no... NO!" Boruto screamed immediately, staggering back a couple of steps, shaking his head fervently as tears streamed freely down his cheeks. "He didn't... He couldn't..." Sarada choked, as her whole body began shaking with unsuppressed sobs. "He didn't die, he didn't DARE do this to us, he promised!" "Why couldn't we be there, too? Why didn't we help him?" the young Uchiha mumbled in shock, in a high-pitched, monotonic voice. "It won't happen next time... We won't make the same mistake next time..." "Boruto... Sarada..." Naruto tried to intervene. "I'm gonna kill him!" Boruto continued, not even hearing his father. "Just... just wait until he decides to wake up, he is gonna pay for putting us through this! What gave him the right?" Both Boruto and Sarada came to a stop when they felt the Hokage's hands clasping on their shoulders. "I'm sorry," Naruto whispered, and the pain in his voice made both of them look up. The hokage's usually bright blue eyes seemed to have taken on a dark and stormy quality as he looked at them, trying to keep it together. Kneeling in front of them, Naruto pulled them in a hug, as Boruto and Sarada kept crying, their mumbling becoming unintelligible through the sobs. "Mitsuki is saved." he whispered, drawing them closer and rubbing their heads. Boruto's eyes widened, and he pulled himself a little away to look at his dad. "He is...?" Naruto gulped and nodded, trying to choose the right words this time. "He is... But..." "But...?" Sarada asked, also pulling herself away a little. "Sakura-chan said that they did everything they could, but... Mitsuki fell into a deep coma... And due to the severity of his wounds, it is unknown when he will wake up..." He paused for a moment, then sighed. "They... they don't even know if he will wake up..." He felt his son stiffen. "No... no..." Boruto pushed against Naruto with all his might, and the latter let him go this time. "You're lying! H - he... No..." With that, Boruto and Sarada sprinted toward the doors. Everything else was just a blur, the people they passed by turning to look at them, their voices jumbling together... Shikadai looked up from the place he had slouched down, wheezing, as he heard hurried footsteps approaching. His mind in automatic drive, he just sprang up on his feet and followed his friends into the room, his vision almost blinded with an odd sort of blur. He almost ran into Boruto as the blond and Sarada abruptly stopped just inside the room. Mitsuki... was sitting upright on the bed... as he heard them enter, he turned to look towards the doorway, and the confused look on his face turned into a full, heart-warming grin, one that they often see him wearing. "Boruto... Sarada..." he mused, so softly that they couldn't be sure if it was a trick their senses were playing on them. As his ears finally picked another quiet, rhythmic sound, Boruto made the mistake of blinking. He heard Sarada gasp beside him. His friend was lying on the bed, and if he didn't know exactly that this was his room, he might have had trouble recognizing him. There were even more bandages, so much so that if Mitsuki was awake, Boruto would have teased him about turning into a mummy. He was also connected to so many machines that the blond couldn't help but think... that the machines did the basic task of surviving for his best friend. And survival... was one thing Konohamaru platoon never failed before. Sarada brought both her hands to her mouth at the broken sight of her friend as she started reliving the horrors of a few minutes ago. "No..." she whimpered before her legs gave way, and she crumpled to the floor, sobbing hardly as she brought her arms to hug herself, her head hanging low. Boruto slowly took a couple of steps towards the bed, his eyes huge as he practically drank in Mitsuki's unmoving form, hearing the dull echo of the proof that the younger boy's heart was doing its proper job. He stopped, now he was right beside the bed. Surely Mitsuki would hear him? And if he heard him, surely he would respond, too? He raised his arms slowly, grabbed his friend's arm as gently as he could, and gave him a slight shake. "H... hey... Mitsuki..." he heard his voice. Or, at least, he assumed it was his voice, though it didn't sound like him at all. "Come on... Stop joking..." he whispered in the same stranger tone, and a shaky, bitter smile made its way to his face. His friend would respond in a way... right? "You... you got us... Come on..." His voice broke as a sob shook his frame. "Open your eyes..." he mused, almost pleadingly. "I... I p-promise I won't be mad..." Just for once... "Mitsuki...?" he said weakly, hanging on the last threads of hope. There was no response. Only Sarada's soft crying and the steady beeping reached his ears as he continued to gaze at the blue-haired boy's unmoving form, his closed eyes... Boruto fell on his knees by the bed, holding onto Mitsuki's hand as if for dear life as he started crying his heart out… Having no more words, none of his brilliance to offer, the young Nara just slumped against the wall behind him and slid down, bringing his knees up to his chest, just… existing in the moment. … Naruto had barely caught up to his son, Boruto could indeed act very quick when he put his mind to it. He came to a staggering stop when he reached the glass panel, watching as his son and Sarada completely broke down by the child who loved them so much, the child who had been a normal kid just a couple of days ago... He put his left arm on the glass, leaning a bit over it and putting his forehead on it as he brought his right hand to his mouth. "Oh god..." he whispered, broken... It was not easy... But he had to remember that he had another task. He peeled his eyes away from the room and turned back, carefully avoiding everyone's gaze but Kakashi's. "I'm going to the office to oversee the interrogations," he declared and felt all eyes turning to him. He knew he wasn't going to be able to rest, not until he at least made sure that those scoundrels who did this to Mitsuki were adequately punished. Kakashi nodded, without looking away from the room. "I'm coming with you." … Just as they walked out of the building, the blond immediately spotted a tall, black haired man waiting for them. Orochimaru straightened from where he was leaning against the wall, gazing at them with a cold, insatiable fury. "I am coming with you, too." That made both of the men hesitate for a second. "That... might not be the best idea..." Naruto finally said, regarding the man warily. "That was not a request. That is my son those low-lifes very nearly killed, I am the one who should be handling them." "We don't need man-slaughter now. We need answers..." "Then I suggest you better be quick with them. Konoha already tested my patience to the limit. I assure you that you will not be spared more of it." The Hokage just looked at him for a minute, trying to negotiate his way around this. "You will not lay a hand on the prisoners." "As long as they have reason to breathe." "Not at any time. They will receive the punishment they deserve by law, not by the hand of an individual." "Do not push my limits." the sannin said, a dangerous glint in his eyes. "These are our terms." Kakashi cut in. "You are in Konoha under a different identity, and we won't allow you to blow it and thrust the village in chaos." "That wouldn't even be close to what you deserve." the older man spat. "But I'm not gonna stand here and waste any more time. Your terms apply - for now." Naruto gulped inconspicuously and nodded, leading the way as their haste erased the necessity of talk between them. ... His actions weren't conscious. He was just treading down the same road he used every day, a familiar route to him already, something his mind automatically tracked. "Naruto...?" he heard Kurama calling for him inside his head, but he tuned him out for now. His rage, his unquenchable anger kept his pace brisk and unfaltering. Images... the kid's voice... They kept replaying in his head... 'But lord seventh... I consider you family, too...' The one last smile Mitsuki gave to him before he walked out... 'Let me protect my family...' The time they found him, covered in blood, fighting to stay alive... 'Thank you... for everything you did...' Boruto and Sarada, screaming for the child to come back... Naruto burst through the doors of the office building, and once again let his mind take control as he stormed to the interrogation rooms. He vaguely registered Shikamaru's face. "We were waiting for... Naruto??" the man exclaimed in shock, seeing the expression on his face. He was soon followed by a black haired man, that Shikamaru was almost sure he didn't know at all, even though he was wearing a Konoha headband, and Kakashi. It was clear that the Hokage was pissed off as he nearly jumped on one of the ninjas being interrogated, grabbing him by his collar and lifting him up as he pushed him against the wall. It was only then that Shikamaru snapped out of it and quickly worked his jutsu. "Naruto, calm down!" he shouted, though he couldn't help but wonder... what could have happened to make the hokage this aggravated? Kurama had only said that Mitsuki was attacked out of Konoha... "Let... me... go... Shikamaru..." Somewhere along his blinding rage, Naruto suddenly became aware of the fact that he should tell his advisor of what Shikadai witnessed tonight. It didn’t help much to calm his nerves. "I don't want to take it out on you." "You losing your head is not gonna get us answers," Sai came next to them and put his hand on the Hokage’s shoulder. "Let us deal with this." Meanwhile, Kakashi was having a hard time trying to hold back Orochimaru, mainly because he himself couldn’t care less if the two rogue nins inside were given a slow and painful death. "You don't want to drop your disguise." he said in a decidedly calm manner, only for the sannin to hear. "You do not know what I want..." hissed the sannin in a low tone as well, his eyes glimmering with hate and rage. He wanted nothing more but to rip apart those two ninjas inside the interrogation room... just like he had done with their leader... rip them apart... slowly and painfully until they begged and cried for mercy... Make them bleed, just like they had done with his son... Kakashi's hard look took on a sad, haunting quality. "Don't worry. They are going to get what they deserve." "Nothing you will ever do will be what they deserve...!" Orochimaru hissed through gritted teeth and... Kakashi actually felt the loneliness, the fear that was hidden deep, deep inside... Something the sannin would never, ever show... 'How much did you change... Orochimaru...?' he wondered to himself. "Let me go, Shikamaru!" They heard Naruto once again yell from inside the interrogation room. "Not until you let him go and calm down!" countered Shikamaru. "What the HELL did you want from a child, you bastards?!" Naruto yelled to the man's face. "How could you beat a thirteen-year-old to death?! What the FUCK did you want?!?" His voice ringed in the suddenly very silent room. After a moment of silence, one of the rogue nins actually spoke. "Did... the child... die...?" he murmured in a hushed voice. Naruto turned to the source of the voice; Hiraku, with even angrier eyes. "Why do you even care?!" "It's not our fault that the kid attacked us first! We simply defended ourselves!" said the rogue ninja that was being hung by Naruto's hands. Although unlike Hiraku, there was no hint of sadness or regret for the nearly dead child... There was actually a smirk forming on his face. "The kid only got what he asked for..." That was the very last straw. Naruto had not realized that Shikamaru had momentarily dropped the shadow mimic technique in shock, but he did when his fist connected with a satisfying thump to the face of this sorry excuse of a human being. Takeru actually lost his balance and tumbled to the floor, but the hokage grabbed him by his collar and slammed him against the wall hard, fire burning in his eyes. "You bastard..." he hissed, so angry that he was practically shaking. "I dare you to tell one more lie, and I swear YOU will get what you ask for." The smirk was still there. "Go ahead, kill me." he said. Getting killed would be an easier way than having to face the wrath of the kid's father, who was none other than one of the feared creatures on the planet, if not the most feared. "Lord Seventh," Ibiki approached him with a serious look. "This is exactly what scum like that wants, do not lower yourself to their level." "We... were after you." As the second nin decided to speak once again, all their eyes turned to him. Hiraku was looking directly at the hokage. "Excuse me?" Naruto spat, turning his attention to the other man. "You blubbering idiot!" Takeru hissed angrily, his smirk replaced by a look of disgust. Hiraku paid no attention to him as he continued to address Naruto. "Our purpose was to stage an assassination attempt." "Why? Why didn't you seek me out of the village then?" Naruto's voice rose as he stepped towards Hiraku. "Takeru is telling the truth. When we were close to the border... That kid stopped us." "Tch... that little brat ruined our plans and paid the price... that's how the ninja world works, all decisions come with a price." Ibiki put his hand on Naruto's arm and slowly managed to let the Hokage drop Takeru, only to take his place and grab the rogue ninja by the collar one more time. "Leave this to us." Naruto was speechless - both from his blinding anger and... because of what he just learned. Between Hiraku's blunt sincerity and Takeru's disgusting remarks, he now realized that... What they were telling... might very well be the truth... He felt a lump forming in his throat... Did Mitsuki really nearly lose his life... to protect him, as well as the village...? "Ryu will get everything out of them, down to what they ate for breakfast,” Sai’s voice was almost unemotional, but there was a scary quality in his gaze directed to the rogue ninjas. Naruto nodded, a fire burning in his throat. "Sai, Ibiki... You have my authorization to not hold back... at all." The two men nodded, accepting the orders gladly. Naruto made his way out of the interrogation room, clearly disturbed by the recent news, something that everyone including Kakashi and Orochimaru noticed. With Naruto's leave and the door of the interrogation room closing once again, Kakashi let go of the Sannin's clothes. … It was an hour before more news reached them. The office had become more crowded by the time; Kiba, Sasuke and Konohamaru arriving along with a number of other ninjas who had heard the attack. Even though the office was filled with people, silence reigned supreme aside from the occasional whispered discussion. Naruto had indeed watched the first half of Hiraku's interrogation - many people, especially Sai and Ibiki urged him not to interfere with Takeru's. He could hear shouting and a lot of slamming from inside there. He honestly hoped that when he next saw him, that bastard would be within an inch to his worthless life. Hiraku, on the other hand, had been pretty cooperative, giving easy and efficient answers to the questions. The more he watched him... the more Naruto realized what he had seen in the man earlier... was indeed regret. He felt like scum for ever hunting the boy... For even, as he confessed, stabbing him with his own sword... He was honest... But that wasn't enough. There were still missing pieces of the puzzle, to which the blond man agreed himself, telling them that because of his... weakness, as per say... he was sometimes kept in shadows by his squad members. It was then that those who were at the hospital arrived, and it took the joint strength of three ninjas to stop an agitated Konohamaru from storming into the rooms. He had caught a glimpse of Takeru, though, who in turn... had just smirked and looked away. The brunet had then broken hold of those who were holding him, rushed into the room, and punched the smirk out of his face. "I'm going to kill you bastards!" he had yelled before Ibiki himself and another bulky jounin had to restrain him. "You are going to pay dearly for what you did!" Takeru had wiped the blood trailing down from his mouth, not even fazed a little. "Sheesh, if you were gonna get so wired up about this, why didn't anyone come and help the child? It wasn't like we were keeping it down..." "I swear, keep this attitude and I'll chop you to pieces and feed all the remains to the dogs!" Ibiki had snarled, already having enough of this man. "Wait, what is that supposed to mean?!" Naruto had cut in. "What are you not telling us?! We didn't hear anything!" "We didn't move all night," the man said with malicious glee. "You practically left that kid to die." It had been hard, but finally they managed to get Konohamaru out of there. A knock on his door brought him out of his thoughts. The door opened to reveal the young Yamanaka, who bowed when he entered the room. "Lord Hokage..." he said, raising his head to meet his eyes. The sad, haunting look etched in them made Naruto do a double take. "What did you find out?" he asked in a low voice, carefully in control of his emotions. "Ex-excuse me for this, but... I would like a moment before I start?" Words stuck in his throat, all the blond could do was nod. After a couple of minutes and a glass of water, Ryu slowly raised his head again. "Forgive me, my lord... But what I witnessed..." "Tell me everything, all the smallest details." "That child... I never saw another kid like him." the man sighed before closing his eyes and shaking his head. "Those ninjas spotted him next to the river but didn't attack immediately... They, uh... waited... for his reaction." "Reaction? To what?" Naruto demanded, eyebrows furrowed. Ryu just gazed at him, his expression sadder. "They goaded him - talked about how they were planning to kill you and ravage the village - until Mitsuki took the first move. And then they stroke back... That Takeru... he was the first to notice they were fighting a child... Him and Goro - their leader - they decided to keep on the assault... Kill the child there, so he wouldn't rush back to the village and ruin their plan..." "God dammit!" Naruto was on his feet again, started pacing back and forth. "Why... why would he do that?! He had to know he couldn't win such a battle!" Ryu had no answer for that, but after a brief hesitation, the boy's sensei spoke up. "Because that's Mitsuki... He always cared for and protected those around him, that kid..." his shaky voice trailed off, then he looked at the Yamanaka. "And he probably didn't know the ninjas' elements?" Ryu nodded, a lump in his throat. "They toyed with him... Only using air and fire elements at first... Takeru and Goro attacked while the red haired man - Hideyoshi - kept shooting arrows in his direction - a sensory type by what I gathered. He and Hiraku, they... tried to help Mitsuki when they saw he was just a child, but Hideyoshi was incapacitated, and Hiraku didn't come in until the last second... Goro used his attack - the lightning charged blades he called Raiha - after Mitsuki took Takeru down..." "He did?" Those who were listening were impressed, despite themselves. "Yes... He fought good actually, almost at a jounin level, he took both Hideyoshi and Takeru out... But..." he trailed off again, his voice dropping down to a whisper. "They taunted him mercilessly about how he was alone, how no one was there for him... And topped with a technique he couldn't beat..." "Wait, go back," Naruto said, pinching his nose, trying to keep his voice level. "That bastard hinted at it, too... Why didn't we hear the child?" "Lord Seventh..." Ryu said, and sighed again. "There is this one key element here. Goro and Hiraku were powerful Kumo ninjas, true, but... they weren't the masterminds. Takeru, Hideyoshi and that woman... They were all from the Sound village, and they wanted to make a statement on behalf of their village against the peace treaty."

#boruto:sacrifices #boruto #mitsuki #sarada #boruto fanfiction #naruto fanfiction

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nerdfighterwhatevernumbers · 3 years

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i’m too young to be tired of being alive, right? i definitely don’t wanna die and i know a lot more people have been suicidal in their teens but idk right now i feel like ‘tired’ shouldn’t be how i feel about living in my 20s. i quit my job a couple weeks ago because i couldn’t handle it anymore and have applied to a couple new ones, but every time i look at listings i’m like. i’m just sad because so many of them seem like they’d make me feel bad all over again and it feels like that’s just gonna be my life. my whole life is gonna be working a job until i can’t handle it anymore and then quitting or moving away hoping to find something better, which i won’t because i’m not good enough for the options i only half want and can’t find anything i completely want. my whole life is gonna be not talking to people cuz i know they’ll judge me or i won’t know how to have a conversation. my whole life is gonna be nothing feeling fulfilling, cuz even today when i managed to complete a chore and got a lot of crochet done at a certain point i was like ‘this is all i did today- it has been hours and i just crocheted and watched videos’ cuz i didn’t wanna do anything else but just doing what i wanted for hours felt like a waste of time while doing what i don’t want sounds terrible. i was tired like an hour ago but i wanted to get more crochet done, so instead of going to bed at a reasonable hour like i meant to so i stop waking up at 11 i just stayed up more cuz at least i wanna do something now, idk if i’ll want to do anything in the morning. i said i wanted to make potato soup last week but haven’t had the motivation to cook again. i like baking and want to bake things a bunch cuz i also like eating a ton of sugar but i can only let myself bake so much because i wanna eat so much. my sense of time and my memory have been real weird and it’s partly because i’m no longer on a work schedule and partly because my doctor upped my meds like a week ago. idk if they’re actually giving me memory problems but they do make me dizzy for a good while in the morning. that means if i wake up at 11 and take my pill i’m out of it at least til noon.

idk how much of this feeling is quarantine. i was between jobs when i first moved but i had just started living with people instead of having lived in quarantine with the same people for almost a year. it was summer when i moved and i had air conditioning for the first time in my life, so being inside felt safe, but going outside also wasn’t terrible and it’s mostly freezing now. my old apartment had a small gym, so exercise was a way to leave the house without being freezing or boiling or going too far in a new city. here i can walk outside where it’s only just getting warm again or use my roommate’s treadmill, which keeps me in the basement with little to keep my brain occupied (even listening to podcasts, it’s the environment that feels weird. i also get sweaty and end up showering in the middle of the day which bugs me more in winter). there’s one big window that faces west in the living room so it’s way too bright if we open the curtains, but i can’t look outside for the most part. i also felt like i had a good excuse to not feel bad for not having a job. i just moved. this time, i left my job because it made me sad. there’s guilt that comes with that, and a lack of hope.

it’s a small thing, but maybe stuff being on hiatus isn’t helping either. a lot of shows and movies got put on pause so it feels like i don’t have as much a) to keep track of time b) to look forward to. i know i feel better on mondays with ducktales back, but that’s ending in a couple weeks. tma is pretty steady, but that ends in a few weeks too. i dont keep up with timely updates on other podcasts, most youtubers i watch either don’t have a consistent upload schedule or they only upload once a month. netflix doesn’t have any incoming shows or season updates i care about.

idk how much i can blame not being able to go anywhere, cuz where did i used to go? eating out was a nice break, but it goes back to the only things that i look forward to being things that make me fat. I didn’t go anywhere, I didn’t party, i only hung out with people if we were eating. and because i can’t think of much that i used to do before quarantine it’s like what will the end of quarantine actually do for my mental health?

i know it’ll help somewhat but idk i thought quitting my job would make me more relaxed and happy in a way i didn’t wanna leave for work again, and i feel way better, but my brain also feels like mush at least half of the time

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simplyclockwork · 4 years

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Simplyclockwork Fic Recs

Alternate Universe/Crossovers

I am breaking my massive fic rec into pieces by genres.

Performance in a Leading Role - @madlori

Explicit. 156,714 words. 21 chapters.

Sherlock Holmes is an Oscar winner in the midst of a career slump. John Watson is an Everyman actor trapped in the rom-com ghetto. When they are cast as a gay couple in a new independent drama, will they surprise each other? Will their on-screen romance make its way into the real world?

A Moment’s Surrender - anchors

Mature. 64,272 words. 10 chapters.

Sherlock tours worldwide with the English National Ballet. John dances the Lindy Hop competitively all across the globe. That they would meet, then, by the slimmest of chances in one lonely city, is pure coincidence. The whole 'dancing together' bit is a little more planned. Dancer!AU.

Love or What You Will - @miss-frankenstein

Teen and Up. 31,987 words. 11 chapters.

John is an English professor who specializes in War and Post-War Literature and Sherlock is the brilliant yet impossible Ph.D. student assigned to be his TA because no one in the Chemistry Department is willing to put up with him. And - somewhere between Waugh and Plath, e-mails and takeaway, novels and villanelles - they fall in love.

Two Two One Bravo Baker - abudantlyqueer

Explicit. 114,574 words. 27 chapters.

Captain John Watson of 40 Commando, the Royal Marines, is assigned to protect and assist Sherlock Holmes as he investigates what appears to be a simple war atrocity in Afghanistan. An intense attraction ignites between the two men as they uncover a conspiracy that threatens everything they’ve ever known, but Sherlock is as much hunted as hunter, and everyone close to him is in deadly danger. Can he solve the case in time to save himself and John?

The Jewel in the Tower - PoppyAlexander (@fuckyeahfightlock)

Explicit. 207,079 words. 39 chapters.

"Xie [...] had invented an entire pleasure-industry by combining superior visual aesthetics with impeccable personal attention. Drasha salons were by that time a feature of any even half-decent house of repose in every pleasure district in the British Isles, but once upon a time, when Xie debuted, there had been only one, and Xie had named it: the Icehouse."

* In a contemporary dystopia, Unity is peace--despite the fact unsanctioned information, illicit currency, and every sort of danger flows unchecked in the world's pleasure districts.

John Watson, a weary hired gun, is assigned by the mysterious Mentor to investigate a subversive element lurking in the Icehouse, the world's most famous House of Repose. As accustomed as he is to dealing with the unexpected, John is nevertheless woefully unprepared to meet the gem of the Ice house, Xie, the world renowned "drashaskaya," the living work of art after which all other drashas are modeled.

In sumptuous suites, amid trailing puddles of silk and fervent whispers in the night, John soon learns that nothing is as it seems in the floating world of London's pleasure district. *

Modern-day dystopian/one-world government/espionage/geisha!lock AU

The Loss of Flesh and Soul - deuxexmycroft

Explicit. 60,000+ words. Unfinished.

Five years after John Watson puts the murderous Sherlock Holmes behind bars, a vicious copycat killer emerges. A reluctant John is pulled out of retirement to seek the expertise of the only man who can help, a man who has developed an unsettling obsession with John himself.

Crossover with Red Dragon/Silence of the Lambs

Simplyclockwork note: Not fully finished, but an alternative ending was posted. Still worth reading without a full ending.

I wake up and I wake up and you’re still dead - thisprettywren (memento/Sherlock crossover)

Mature. 24,226 words. One-shot.

Sherlock isn't the only one who's lost.

The Sinking of the Titanic: Sixty Years Later - flawedamythyst

Teen and Up. 15,340 words. One-shot.

John Watson is interviewed for a documentary being made for the sixtieth anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic. The story he tells is not the one the interviewer was expecting.

The Bachelors’ Handfasting - Jberry

Explicit. 30,624 words. 20 chapters.

After her son is caught in a compromising position, Victoria Holmes must make arrangements for a quick marriage between Sherlock Holmes and John Watson.

Simplyclockwork note: Kilt!Lock and Soft Bab Sherlock (but of age)

Just to Hold You Close - @sussexbound

Explicit. 70,841 words. 18 chapters.

When a woman is murdered and the last person to see her alive is recently invalided army vet turned reluctant (and prickly) professional cuddler, John Watson, Sherlock Holmes is pulled into a world of intimacy and intrigue he never could have imagined. John is a conundrum and mystery: frank yet reserved, tender yet angry, open yet afraid. Sherlock is instantly drawn into his orbit, and begins to feel and desire things he never has before.

Summit Fever - @jbaillier

Mature. 78,867 words. 18 chapters.

After graduating from medical school, John Watson followed his heart to the Himalayas. Ten years later, he's a haunted cynic working for his ex-lover's trekking and mountaineering company. Will leading an expedition to Annapurna I — the most lethal of all the world's highest mountains — shake John out of his reverie, and who is the mystery client added to the group at the last minute?

The Last Companion - standbygo (@blogstandbygo)

Explicit. 34,101 words. 14 chapters.

Thirty years after the Miranda Wars, there is peace, both on the Rim and the Core planets. There are a number of old social mores still in place, such as the Order of Companions, but there is a sense that even such respected practices are coming to an end…

Sherlock is a Companion - the best Companion on Persephone. With a bit of detective work on the side, of course. Then he meets a man named John Watson, encounters a series of bizarre cases, and finds his world is getting turned upside down.

Simplyclockwork note: Sherlock/Firefly AU!

Out There - @discordantwords

Teen and up. 131,695 words. 10 chapters.

FBI Special Agent John Watson, medical doctor and army veteran, is assigned to assist eccentric genius Sherlock Holmes with paranormal investigations on the X-Files project.

This is a fusion with The X-Files, written for the Fall TV Season Challenge.

Say You’ll Stay With Me - justacookieofacumberbatch (buffyholic)

Explicit. 63,349 words. 21 chapters.

It was just supposed to be an ordinary business trip, but when John's car stalls out on Hollywood Boulevard, he meets someone who just might change his life.

Simplyclockwork note: Pretty Woman/Sherlock AU.

Gimme Shelter - @sincewhendoyoucallme-john

Explicit. 159,368 words. 21 chapters.

All John Watson wants is the feeling of a freshly waxed surfboard under his feet and the hot California sun baking down onto his back. To finally go pro in the newly formed world of professional surfing and leave the dark memories of his past behind him as he rips across the face of a towering blue barrel. To lounge beside the beach bonfire every evening with an ice cold beer tucked into the cool sand beside him and listen to Pink Floyd and the Doors while the saltwater dries in his sun bleached hair.

That's all he wants, that is, until the hot young phenom taking Oahu and the Hawaiian shores by storm steps up next to him in the sand in the second round of the 1976 International Surf Competition.

Apokalypsis - songlin

Mature. 12,125 words. 4 chapters.

There were things I never told you because I thought we had time. There is no time left in the world anymore.

Sensory Science - @sussexbound

Explicit. 80,017 words. 24 chapters.

John Watson has been invalided home from Afghanistan and is struggling with anxiety, depression, PTSD and insomnia, when an old friend from med school recommends something that might help: An ASMR YouTube Channel run by a friend.

One session in and John is hooked, not only by the way the ASMR seems to calm him after nightmares, and help him sleep, but also by the mysterious man who runs it.

Comparative Literature is for Idiots - lookupkate

Explicit. 8,173 words. 4 chapters.

Sherlock thinks he's very bohemian, smoking cigarettes and wearing patchouli oil and writing poetry in the attic. In truth he's just your average seventeen year old, not showering enough and being hit particularly hard by his continued path through puberty.

John is getting his masters in literature. He's the TA for comparative literature and yearns for romance. Romance has other plans, plans that require him to go without for at least ten more years. Plans that put in front of him the exact man he'll finally fall in love with, but in boy form.

When Sherlock happens to see John reading poetry at a coffee shop he is immediately smitten. John holds him at arm's length because he's a bloody child.

How will ten years and miles apart change that view, and will John be able to understand how he's fallen in love with someone he doesn't ever get to see?

Stay tuned for puberty hi jinx and the passing of time to find out. And yes, there will be love.

An Everlasting Inferno - thatawkwardfriend

Explicit. 108,389 words. 15 chapters.

Sherlock and John are both men who operate outside the law. John works for Mary and her hitmen in order to keep a roof over his head. Sherlock does anything his drug dealer asks of him in exchange for free drugs and housing.

They meet one night in a darkened garage to negotiate a deal. But they soon find out that neither of their bosses are being entirely honest with them about their goals or motives. With a little poking around, they stumble upon something much bigger than themselves and discover that perhaps, it might be in their best interests to work together.

(Loosely inspired by StartUp and Little Favour)

Only To Be With You - @sincewhendoyoucallme-john

Mature. 40,768 words. 4 chapters.

I tell myself that next time I’ll come near this same place again. Wait around for the mysterious stranger in his coat to dash past me, hot on the heels of a new criminal in black.

I think this all the way back to my Exit, planning where I’ll wait and what I’ll say when I see him. Scheming on how to get his name. It’s only once I reach the Exit Point door that I realize two hours and forty-five minutes have passed, and I realize that this won’t be the last time I Visit. It won’t be the last time at all.

You Give Me Fever - michi_thekiller

Explicit. 16,122 words. One-shot.

Thou givest fever when we kisseth, fever with thy flaming youth Fever I'm afire; fever, yea, I burn forsooth "He's the kind of boy you want to take apart."

Gratuitous Greaserlock. It's essentially 16k of mostly-porn. Warnings for underage sex between teens.

If you’re one of the authors listed here and have a Tumblr, and would like me to link it (if I haven’t already), please let me know!

#simplyclockwork fic rec #fic rec #alternate universe #au #Sherlock #Sherlock bbc #BBC Sherlock #Sherlock Holmes #John Watson #Johnlock #fixing my fic rec list #please stand by #fan fiction

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purplesurveys · 3 years

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1198

Have you ever bought a YouTuber’s merch? No. Most of the merch that had been put out when I was still into YouTubers were always underwhelming and overpriced, anyway.

Do you think oatmeal tastes better when made with water or milk? Eugh, I don’t like oatmeal. Ate it everyday for breakfast as a kid and I just want nothing to do with anymore.

Have you ever left a note in a library book? No. I’m pretty sure that counted as vandalism or at least under some kind of violation, so I never did anything to my borrowed books beyond reading them.

What time of day do you prefer to wash your hair? There’s no time of day for me; I just wash it whenever I feel like showering.

Has anyone ever spread lies about you? Just a couple times when I was in like middle school but it was all very superficial stuff that I never think about.

Have you ever taken a photograph with a celebrity? If so, did it turn out the way you wanted, or do you wish you could retake it? Nah. I freak out about the idea of meeting celebrities and always turn down or pass up any opportunity I get lmao. I don’t handle nervousness well so I don’t trust myself to be able to behave or speak properly.

If you could move out of your home country permanently, would you? If so, where would you go? Yeah, anything to get out of this shithole. I’d love to move to Canada.

Is there a celebrity that everyone else seems to love, but you find totally overrated? Why is it that you don’t like them? Taylor Swift. Her music’s just never fallen under my personal preferences, but I don’t actively hate on her or bash her when there’s been no reason to.

If you could volunteer for any charity, which one would you choose? Do you think it’s more important to help humans, or are animal and environmental charities equally important? I don’t think acts of charity should be compared. Personally though, I tend to lean towards causes for animals.

Do you prefer holidays where you relax, or actually do things? My family alwaysssssss makes sure our itineraries are absolutely packed when we go on vacations. Seems like a waste of money to travel to a new place just to stay holed up in our hotel room.

Do you think that after we die our spirit is still alive? No, I don’t believe in those to begin with.

Has anybody ever told you that you could be a model? Yeah, usually because of my build. I hate posing and being in front of a camera, though.

Do you use different kinds of moisturizer for different body parts? ie. hand lotion for your hands, face cream for your face. Or do you just use one moisturizer for all body parts? I don’t use skincare products, though I should probably start because my skin is finally biting me in the ass and giving me breakouts 23 years later lol.

Have you ever felt like you were someone’s rebound? Nope.

Has anybody ever broken up with you over something really pathetic? What was it? Have you ever been dumped in a disrespectful way? (eg. through text, through a friend..) I wouldn’t say it was over something pathetic. She had her reasons and I respect that. Doesn’t mean I can’t resent her.

Did you have a lot of role models as a kid? Not really.

Do you feel like anyone looks up to you? Why or why not? I don’t know, but this isn’t a compliment I get a lot either. I don’t actively try to be a role model, so I don’t care about maintaining such an image.

What was the last thing you found offensive? My mom often throws around subtle homophobic remarks in passing. She knows I hate them because I shoot her a glare every time she does it, but for some reason she never learns...

Who is the nicest person you know? Angela.

Do you feel safe in your country? In a country where the president is a blatant liar, misogynist, has anger and cursing issues, and enables extrajudicial killings? Safety is a dream here.

Do you feel safe where you live? Very technically speaking, yeah I do since it’s a gated village so nothing ever happens here.

Have you been falsely diagnosed with something by a bad doctor? Not necessarily misdiagnosed, but I’m pretty sure I was prescribed the wrong set of medicines for my UTI last year...nothing came out of taking those pills and I felt just as sick (and dead) as I was after a couple of days. The only reason I got better was Angels’s mom is a doctor and gave me the right meds to take, which worked on me within a couple of hours.

Have you ever had a doctor refuse to treat you? No.

Name the strangest game you’ve ever played (video game or real game): WarioWare is suuuuuuuch a weird game haha. Doesn’t stop me from enjoying it, though.

Do you know anyone who has been struck by lightning before? Not that I know of.

Which cartoon character would you want to keep as a pet? Gary from Spongebob.

Do you like marshmallows? Haaaaaaaate them. I never got used to its weird, sticky texture so I always take them out when they’re included in like drinks and desserts.

What is your favorite flavor of candy cane? I don’t consume candy canes much. Too sweet.

Have you ever fostered an animal? Nope.

Do you still take hot showers when it’s hot out? No, I want the water to be as cold as possible.

When writing $ sign, do you draw one line through the S or two? I do two, though I rarely have any reason to write down the dollar sign in general.

What animal have you always wanted as a pet but couldn’t have? We weren’t allowed to have dogs as kids because we “wouldn’t be able to take care of them” – which they were right about, anyway. But we have two now, so it all worked out in the end.

List three people you’ve had crushes on: Gabie, Andi...and that’s it, really.

Have you ever thrown up from cramps? No. Fortunately my period cramps have never been that bad, and the only time they can be a headache is if they’re the leg crampjp that sends me waking up in the middle of the night.

List three people you had a hard time forgiving. I don’t really forgive. If someone fucks up badly enough that I feel the need to cut them off, that’s pretty much it for me.

Who is the most spiritual person you know? I don’t know.

Would you ever start a vlog? Sure. I’ve always wanted to try it, but I don’t have a decent vlogging camera and am not invested enough in the venture to spend on one. In general I’m also not comfortable being in front of the camera, as I’ve already shared several times here. Vlogging does look fun though, and I definitely would’ve already given it a shot if only I felt more comfortable.

Are your dreams coming true yet? Some of the short-term ones, sure.

Do you struggle with depression? I go through phases of it, but I’ve never been formally diagnosed just because I’ve never booked a trip to the psychiatrist.

Are you haunted by your past? No

What medical conditions do you have? Do scoliosis and lactose intolerance count? Those are the main issues I have.

Do you use a Magic Bullet? Why did I think this was a vibrator...? Anyway, I looked it up and no, I’ve never used one.

What does your apron look like? I’ve never had to use one regularly.

What are your favorite spicy foods? Curry, tteokbokki, ramen, samgyeopsal with ssamjang, spicy fried chicken.

Which do you like better: being an adult or being a kid? Being an adult has a lot more freedom to it even though I have to go through heavier and deeper shit, so it’s still more worth it to me.

Were you excited to be a teenager on your thirteenth birthday? I was heavily depressed back then, and was for a while, so I didn’t have any feelings about turning 13. I don’t even remember my birthdays up until the 15th.

Did you feel insecure in high school? In the first half, yeah. But I started opening up more and gaining friends by junior year, so at that point I wasn’t feeling too shy anymore.

Would you ever be friends with someone who was suicidal? I hate this question that I am simply ignoring it.

Who was the biggest bully in high school? My school didn’t tolerate bullies so no one ever dared to be one, in the grand scheme of things. But back in kindergarten Kaira used to love targeting me - she was my big bully before she became my friend, lol.

What was your favorite class in high school? History, of course. I personally didn’t like literature but I enjoyed English classes, just because it was easy and was a guaranteed A+ in my report card.

Would you rather have a daughter or a son? Daughter.

Have you ever written to an advice columnist? Nope.

Have you ever had a doctor not believe what you told him? Not really, but I’ve had a doctor be a total asshole towards me before.

If you’re female, would you feel uncomfortable having a male gynecologist? No.

Do you like Lisa Frank? No.

What gives you nightmares? I don’t really get nightmares.

Were you ever hospitalized as a child? Nope. I was hospitalized one time, and I had been 11 then.

Did you get senior pictures taken? Yeah, for both high school and college.

What color is your bicycle? The family bike is blue and silver. Not that I could ride it, lol.

Did you ever have to take home a fake baby in health class? No...is that a practice in other schools? That’s so weird if it was.

Would you rather wear ivory or white on your wedding day? What color will your bridesmaids wear? White. Ivory can be for the bridesmaids, actually.

Would you rather have a swimming pool or trampoline? Swimming pool. Trampolines are neat, but I would get bored of them so quickly.

Do you think babies are cute? For the most part yes, the only exception being if I have to be exposed with a baby/toddler that is prone to screech-crying. My patience is an extremely thin line when it comes to children like that lol and I FEEL BAD for feeling like so... but I just can’t deal with harsh sounds like that one.

Do you dream about the future a lot? I guess I daydream sometimes but it’s nothing obsessive.

Do you think about your past a lot? I’ll daydream or feel resentful sometimes, depending on what or who I’m thinking about lol. But I don’t stay in the past for too long.

How good are you at living in the moment? I’m a lot better at it. It’s nice to be in the now.

Have you ever questioned God’s existence? I did starting when I was 10, and I also disowned my religion by that time.

Vanilla frosting or chocolate? Chocolate foreverrrrr.

What’s your favorite foreign cuisine? It’s always a three-way tie among Indian, Malaysian, and Thai.

Have you ever moved to another state? No. We don’t even live in states.

Did you do anything productive today? Well I had work today, so yeah I’d say I was. I had two meetings and worked on a bunch of spreadsheets and decks, so it was a pretty productive day.

Can you say the alphabet backwards? Nope.

Do you like flowers? Sure, but I’m not obsessed. It always feels nice to receive them, though.

Have you ever thought you were gonna die? Every single time I get catcalled by men I always have the fear that they’d go all the way and drag me away to my death. That’s why I’m usually in shock whenever it happens and I’m never able to retort.

What kind of mood are you in today? Super relieved because it’s Friday. A bit guilty because I had Starbucks delivered when I had already spent a lot this week, but I keep telling myself I deserve it after working all week haha. I just wanna enjoy my coffee and salmon dill sandwich in peace lmaooooo

What are you craving right now? This salmon sandwich I ordered, so I’m hella glad I got it.

Is there anyone you would seriously punch right now if you had the chance? Maybe shove, but not punch.

What is worse, physical or emotional pain? Physical. My pain tolerance is extremely low, lol.

Have you ever walked in on somebody doing something… questionable? I don’t think I have.

If you were to make videos on YouTube, what would they be of? I think just doing the trendy games like the Lie Detector game would be fun haha. I wouldn’t take it too seriously.

Posting pictures of yourself in a bathing suit on the internet - ok or not? ...It’s 2021.

Do you typically laugh when somebody falls down? If it’s a close friend or a relative I’m close with, yeah. Anyone else I would immediately try to help.

What is the most disturbing movie you’ve ever watched? Eraserhead or Under the Skin, which I didn’t even bother finishing.

Your opinion of Katy Perry, please? I like her older songs.

If you could say anything to your Mom right now… what would it be? Stop acting like a brat when you don’t get your way. You’re literally reaching 50.

#survey #surveys

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theundercovermarvelfan · 3 years

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Whumptober 2020 - Day 31

And it is MIDNIGHT EXACTLY as I am posting this FINAL prompt! Thank you to everyone who has followed along and thank you to @whumptober2020 for putting on this awesome event!

Whumtober Challenge

Day 31 Alternate Prompt #11 Presumed Dead

It had been a long ass day.

Clint had come off a rough mission a couple weeks ago and was still working on getting back up to physically fit to return to active status as a SHIELD Agent and an Avenger. He had spent the entire day at the SHIELD base upstate working out and running training exercises to make sure he would be well prepared for his assessment in just a few days. He was sick of sitting around Avengers Tower and he felt like he was more than ready to get back into the field.

Clint could have stayed upstate on the SHIELD base, but over the last year and a half since the Avengers had moved into the Tower after the Loki incident, the Tower was finally feeling like home to Clint. And tonight Clint just wanted to be able to sleep in his own bed. So, he got in his car just after six o’clock in the evening and started the four hour drive back home.

He was about halfway home when his phone rang, interrupting his blaring classic rock music.

“Yeah?” Clint said as he answered the phone, not glancing at the caller ID.

“Hey, Clint, just checking in,” came Natasha’s voice over the line. “How did it go on base today?”

“It went fine,” Clint assured her. “I was able to run a couple extra training exercises than I had planned on. I’m a little sore, but I feel good about taking the assessment in a couple days.”

“Does that mean you’ll take it easy for a few days?” Natasha asked pointedly. When Clint was benched from missions he tended to get obsessive about getting back to active status.

“I think I can go back to just working out and training in the Tower if that’s what you mean,” Clint said cheekily, knowing that it wasn’t.

Natasha sighed heavily and Clint just knew she was rolling her eyes. “Are you staying on base tonight?”

“No, I wanted to come home tonight,” Clint said. “I’m actually driving back now.”

“How far out are you?”

Clint paused. There was something… off in Natasha’s voice. The question had come across just a shade too… demanding.

“I’m probably about an hour and a half or so out,” Clint said carefully. “Is everything okay, Nat?”

“Yeah, everything’s fine,” Natasha assured him, and all traces of the strange tone were gone. Had Clint just imagined it? “Just attempting to keep tabs on you since you’re here, there and everywhere these days. I’ll see you when you get back.”

“Yeah, see you in a bit,” Clint agreed before he disconnected the call, the bluetooth immediately switching back over to his blaring music.

Of the course of the next hour and a half, the odd conversation with Natasha slowly but surely slid to the back of Clint’s mind as he lost himself in the music. It was after ten o’clock at night when Clint was finally pulling into the parking garage underneath Avengers Tower. He gave a big yawn as he pulled his duffle bag out of the backseat and slung it over his shoulder. Then he trudged over to the elevator, blinking heavily as the exhaustion hit him hard now that he was no longer behind the wheel of a car.

When he got into the elevator, he instinctively hit the button for his apartment floor. But as the doors were closing, he changed his mind and hit the button for the common floor. He had skipped dinner that night and figured there were probably some leftovers he could snag from the communal refrigerator.

Clint stepped out onto the common floor to find that all the Avengers were gathered, and all looked at him when he entered. Clint hesitated, looking around warily at the serious faces that had all turned to him at the same time. The television wasn’t on, they had all apparently been just sitting around, which was odd for this time of night.

And then Clint spotted Nick Fury standing on the other side of the room, arms crossed as he leaned back against the wall behind him. That’s when Clint really knew something was wrong.

“What happened?” Clint asked as he let the bag slide off his shoulder and onto the floor.

“Why don’t you come sit down,” Natasha invited, her voice solemn.

Clint didn’t move, his eyes darting around the room once around. “Is this an intervention?”

The comment at least got a half hearted chuckle from a few in the room.

“It’s nothing like that,” Steve assured him, his tone light. “There’s just something we need to tell you, and we figured it’d be better if we were all together for it.”

“Okay,” Clint said slowly as he carefully started walking forward, completely baffled by the situation. What could possibly be going on that made everyone look at him like that?

“It’s nothing bad, I promise you,” Natasha said as he sat on the couch next to her.

“We’re just trying to find a way to do this that won’t immediately give you a stroke or a heart attack,” Tony input.

“Okay, just tell me what’s going on,” Clint pleaded.

“Nick,” Natasha prompted, looking over at Fury expectantly.

Nick Fury sighed heavily before he pushed himself upright off of the wall. “I want you to know, I never wanted to put you through this, Barton. It was never my intention. It made sense in the big picture, but I knew what it would do to you in particular and I hated it. And it was always my intention to tell you what happened… but there isn’t exactly a protocol for how to break this kind of news.”

“Okay, we gotta pull the ripcord here at some point,” Tony said pointedly.

“SHIELD had a program under Level 9 clearance called Project T.A.H.I.T.I.,” Fury went on. “Can’t imagine you’ve heard of it?” Clint only shook his head. “I cannot get into the details of the project, for obvious security reasons, but suffice it to say the goal of the project was to be able to heal wounds that otherwise would be fatal. It was designed to be able to save someone that would have otherwise been beyond saving. We’ve had mixed results from the project over the years, so when I called it into action a while ago, there was no guarantee that it would work. I didn’t want to get anyone’s hopes up.”

Clint’s head was spinning. “Fury, I’m going to be honest with you, I am dead tired and I have no fucking clue where you’re going with all this or even what any of it means.”

“Clint… Phil Coulson is alive.”

There was that ripcord that Tony had been talking about. It was like the world had fallen out from underneath Clint. His heart paused, twisted and then started pumping wildly and out of control. He suddenly felt like he wasn’t getting enough air and for some reason he couldn’t feel his hands. He was floating away, untethered to the earth any long as his reality was ripped apart.

Clint found himself shaking his head. “No… no… no, Phil is… he’s dead. I… I saw it. I saw the security footage. I watched… Phil’s dead. We… we buried him.” Clint looked around wildly. This was some kind of sick joke. But no one was laughing. Then was everyone else losing their minds? “He died, Loki killed him!”

“Clint,” Natasha said softly, placing a gentle hand on his shoulders. “I know how hard this is to get your mind around. I know how painful your mourning process was and how long it took for you to accept it. And I know that this completely destroys that entire process that you went through. But it’s true. Phil is alive. Fury managed to save him with Project T.A.H.I.T.I.”

“Phil Coulson was clinically dead when the med team arrived on the scene after Loki stabbed him,” Fury said, a little too clinically for Clint’s mental state at that point. “We were never completely sure that we would be able to bring him back. And even when we did, we were never completely sure we could successfully heal him. It was a day by day operation that lasted for months.”

Clint dropped his head into trembling hands. He shook his head. This wasn’t real. There was no way this was real. Maybe he was dreaming. Maybe this was another nightmare. He had spent months grieving the loss of his mentor and best friend. He had been completely shattered by Phil Coulson’s death. This man had taken him off the streets as a teenager and given him a purpose in life. He was the most stable person in Clint’s life, he was Clint’s anchor in the world. He was Clint’s family. Losing Phil had almost broken Clint.

It couldn’t be that easy to get him back. Could it?

“Clint?”

Clint head shot up so quickly that he just about pulled a muscle in his neck. He would know that voice anywhere. The figure had stepped in from an adjacent room and now stood there like a specter. Except he wasn’t. He was flesh and blood. He breathed and he smiled that comforting smile that Clint had always loved so much.

Clint was on his feet one moment, and then across the room the next. He threw his arms around Phil with such force that he almost knocked them both over. But it was at that moment it finally hit him. This was real.

Phil was alive.

“It’s okay, kid,” Phil soothed as hugged Clint back just as fiercely. “It’s okay.”

“You… you were… I thought you were…” Tears were now flowing freely down Clint’s face.

“I know,” Phil said gently. “I know. I’m sorry I couldn’t get back to you sooner. I just… we didn’t know how to tell you.”

He didn’t care. He didn’t care about anything in that moment other than the feeling of Phil’s arms wrapped securely around him.

He was home.

XxXxX

DISCLAIMER: I know this probably doesn’t fit in exactly with the events of the Agents of SHIELD tv show, I kinda tailored it to what I needed this prompt to do. Also, Fury deliberately leaves out important details about Project T.A.H.I.T.I. ;)

#whumptober2020 #altno.11 #presumed dead #Avengers #MCU #fic #clint barton #hawkeye #natasha romanoff #Black Widow #tony stark #Iron Man #Steve Rogers #captain america #Nick Fury #Phil Coulson #fanfiction #whump

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thinkyoureholy · 4 years

Text

Fragile Figures [12]

[a/n: Kangjoon is who I imagine when I think of Kanda. I've mentioned before that Kanda is an OC of mine and Seojoon is the closest to how I think he'd look like irl. Also this chapter is mostly in Kanda’s P.O.V]

Pairing : Choi San / [Fem] Reader

Genre : Angst, Violence, Language, Fluff, Smut, Character Death?, Mafia! AU, Hired Assassin! AU

Words : 2.2k

Pt 1. Pt 2. Pt 3. Pt 4. Pt 5. Pt 6. Pt 7. Pt 8. Pt 9. Pt 10. Pt 11. Pt 12. Pt 13.

━━━━━━ ◦ ❖ ◦ ━━━━━━

[Warning: There are mentions of domestic abuse so read at your own discretion. It doesn’t go into too much detail but I still felt like I had to tell y’all beforehand]

-Kanda’s P.O.V; 4 Years Ago-

“Kanda!!!!” I looked around for the source of his voice.

Once I spotted him a grin spread across my face as I knelt down to his level. He jumped right into my waiting arms, hugging me tightly around the neck while I hugged him just as tight. I groaned playfully as I stood up, looking over his shoulder at the woman approaching us with a small smile on her face. I returned the smile, leaning down so she could give me a kiss on the cheek.

“How’ve you been, Ma?” I asked, trying to help Shoyo climb onto my shoulders.

She gave me a weary smile, a frown making its way onto my face at the sight of it. As soon as I got a good look at her I could tell how tired she was.

“I’m fine, sweetie...just a little tired is all.” She said, hooking her arm with mine as she pulled me into step with her as she began walking.

I felt Shoyo place his hands atop my head as I held onto one of his legs with my free hand to make sure he doesn’t fall, “Are you taking your medicine?”

She averted my gaze, her eyes looking out ahead of her, “We don’t have the money for that right now. Besides, Sho is about to start school soon and I want to buy him everything he-”

“Your medicine is more important than anything!” I shouted, cutting her off, “What are you doing with the money I’ve been giving you? I give you more than enough to buy your meds and buy Sho whatever he needs.”

She said nothing, her legs stopping as she just stared at the ground. I stood next to her, setting Shoyo down and watched him run to the playground a few feet away. My eyes followed after him for a moment before looking back at my mother.

“I work hard so you and my little brother can live comfortably. I give you more than half of what I make and what? You’re telling me you’re skipping out on buying your meds so you can buy Shoyo school supplies. Do you know how stupid that sounds? I’m not buying that bullshit, not anymore. I’ve kept my mouth shut for years but your condition has gotten worse over the years because that sick excuse of a man you keep at home.”

“He’s your father-”

“I don’t give a damn what he is! That man has never been a father to me, for all I care, he's just a sperm donor! All he does is drink his days away and do this!” I yelled, reaching out to grab her hand, pulling up the sleeve of the arm she had been trying to hide from me this whole time, her bruises coming into view, “I left to try and give you and Sho what you deserve, not to give that drunkard more money to feed his addiction! The only reason I’ve haven’t knocked his teeth in is because you’ve begged me time and time again not to but there’s only so much I can take! I swear the moment I find any of these bruises on Shoyo’s body I’ll kill that bastard myself. When the hell are you finally going to leave him??”

She looked away once more, pulling her arm away from me, “I can’t just leave him Kanda. You’re father...he needs me.”

“Sho needs his mother. When are you finally going to see that the relationship you have with that man is toxic? When you turn up dead? When Shoyo is left without his mother? When ma?” I asked, exasperated.

For as long as I could remember that man had been beating my mother over the simplest of things. He picked up drinking when I was five and since then his anger issues had gone from bad to worse. Back then it was just my mom and I but then she had Shoyo five years ago, a year before I left home. I had even considered staying to try and protect the two of them but I couldn't stand another second in that house. If I had stayed there I would've surely killed the bastard the next chance I got.

"Kanda I'm handling it. Y-Your father he's going to change I...I know he is I just gotta give him some time." She mumbled.

I sighed out in frustration, poking at the inside of my cheek with my tongue, "Ma-"

"Kanda come play with me!" Shoyo called out from the top of the slide.

I looked over at him for a quick second before looking back over at my mother, "This conversation isn't over."

…….

-Present Time-

To think that'd be the last conversation I would have with my mother. I looked down at the locket she had given me when I first moved out of that house, opening it to see a picture of her and Sho smiling widely. I felt a sad smile tug at my lips at the sight of the picture. I can’t believe it’s been four years since my mother was taken from this world and my baby brother was kidnapped. I had been assured his safety but I hadn’t been able to see him in person yet. They would send me pictures and videos of him to assure me that he was alive and I got to speak to him on the phone every week but I...I was still on edge.

“Kanda they’re here.”

Alex’s voice brought me out of my thoughts. I jumped off the windowsill and made my way over to where they were waiting. I walked into the living room expecting only the two that I had known about, but what I saw had my heart stop. I could feel my legs grow weak at the sight of him, unshed tears clouding my vision.

“Sho…” I whispered under my breath, catching the attention of the boy who was now nine years old.

He went to take a step towards me, looking as if he was going to run into my arms like he used to when he was younger but the man that was with him put a hand on his shoulder. I looked up into his eyes, glaring so fiercely that if looks could kill he’d be dead ten times over. He smirked, a glimmer in his eye before he let his hand fall back to his side, letting go of Shoyo. Once his hand was off Shoyo ran for it, crashing into my arms. I held him tight, noticing how much taller he had gotten, he had grown at least half a foot, maybe even more. At five the top of his head reached up to my hips and now at nine he was able to bury his face in my stomach, the top of his head reaching my bottom rib.

“I wanna go home, Kanda.” Shoyo whined, tears in his eyes.

"I know Sho and I want to bring you home but just wait a little longer, okay?"

He frowned, bowing his head in disappointment, muttering under his breath, "I miss mom…"

Those words tugged at my heart strings. Shoyo needed his mother more than anything and to know that I couldn't do anything to bring her back angered and saddened me. I know that what happened was out of my control and if I had been there I wouldn't have been able to do much. My family had been targeted because of what I do to earn money, the ones who killed my mother and kidnapped my brother were the ones who forced me to betray the only one I've ever loved and the people who were like family to me, it was either them or Shoyo.

"I'm sure she misses you too, little man." The blonde man said with a knowing smirk.

I grit my teeth, stepping in front of Shoyo, "You have no place in this conversation, you bastard."

He simply smirked, the woman next to him placing a hand on his shoulder, "We didn't come here to provoke him, Kei."

"C'mon Kiri I'm just trying to have a little bit of fun.” He teased, the smirk on his face growing into a grin, “Why don’t you tell the kiddo to go play in the other room while we have a nice chat, huh?”

I glared at him, clenching my hands into fists at my sides, “Sul take Sho to the back room, I’ll call for you when we’re done.”

I kept my eyes glued to Kei as Sul made her way over to us. I was forced to tear my gaze away from Kei when I felt Shoyo tug at my shirt. I looked down at him to see the frown that he had on his face had deepened. I furrowed my brow and knelt down to be eye level with him but just looking into his eyes I knew what the problem was. I sighed out softly, placing my hand atop his head and ruffling his hair in an affectionate way.

“It’s okay, Sho, it’ll only be for a little while.”

He looked down for a moment before nodding, turning to Sul without a word and let her lead him out of the room. Once they were gone I addressed the two ‘guests’, my gaze hard as I glared at them.

“What is it you wanted to discuss? I’ve been doing what you’ve asked-”

“And we’re happy you’ve been cooperating but there’s a job we need you to do,” Kiri interrupted me, pulling out a picture from her pocket and turned it so I could see it, “He’s an old friend of yours isn’t he?”

My face paled at the sight of the man in the picture but I masked the emotions that had managed to peek through, “What do you want with him?”

“The boss has some unfinished business with him but I’m sure you know as well as the rest of us that it’s just an excuse on her part. She wants him on her side. We know he has no family he cares deeply for that we can use as leverage so we need you to convince him to join us.” Kei explained, taking a seat on the couch, “She’s noticed how close he’s gotten to Y/N and as you know very well our boss isn’t fond of that bitch so hurting her in the process is a nice bonus. I have a feeling it’ll hurt more than when you betrayed her.”

I set my jaw at his words, the fire in my eyes intensifying, “Why not just kill her instead of taking the long way?” I asked, thinking back to when I asked San to get rid of her, going behind their backs to do so.

“It’s more fun to see her suffer...don’t you think? Being dead on the inside hurts so much more than actually dying. Dying is too quick and permanent but knowing that those you trust more than anything in the world betrayed you without some much as a second thought, that kills your very soul and that--that is a pain that lingers a lifetime.”

“What if he refuses?” I asked, ignoring his words.

He smirked, a devilish look in his eyes, “Then threaten to kill her...that should get through to him, right? We’ve got information that tells us he’s grown...very fond of her. I’m sure that if you tell him her life is on the line he’ll be like putty in your hands.”

“Use any means necessary just make sure he stays alive. If you do this she’s agreed to let your brother see you in person more often. I think she said three or four times a week.” Kiri spoke up, drawing my attention to her.

I felt my heart lurch in my chest, a lump forming in my throat at their offer. They’re doing it again, using my brother to get me to do their bidding...and like so many times before...it’s working. San...I’m sorry but you’re going to have to switch sides whether you like it or not.

-San’s P.O.V-

I felt a chill go down the length of my spine, a bad feeling coming with it.

“What’s wrong?” She asked, brows furrowed as she reached out to place her hand on my arm.

I turned to her, shaking my head, “Nothing...I just had the chills for a moment. Wait, don’t change the subject. We were talking about you. Isn’t it too early for you to be moving around?”

“San...I’ve been on bed rest for three weeks. If I have to sit around and do nothing for another day I swear I’ll go crazy.” She argued in exasperation.

I smiled softly, knowing exactly how she felt but I couldn’t help but want her to stay on bed rest for another few days at least. I knew it wasn’t going to happen, I was lucky I even managed to convince her to stay still for so long. But now with this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach I wanted her to rest up some more. I don’t know why but I couldn't help but shake the feeling that something bad was going to happen...and soon.

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inferior-fairy · 3 years

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Whumptober 2020 Masterlist

Day 1: Waking Up Restrained | Shackled | Hanging

Hanging on by a Thread

Obi-Wan didn’t know how long he’d been hanging there, only that it had been long enough for him to lose all feeling in his arms. Blood dripped down from his wrists, the weight of his own body held just above the ground causing the shackles to cut into his skin. It was starting to get harder to breathe with his arms above his head, but stretching his toes down to rest on the ground hurt too much to try and do anymore.

The sound of Obi-Wan’s breath in his cell was his only companion for a long time. He could feel himself drifting off, exhaustion overpowering the pain keeping him awake, when his cell door slammed open.

Day 2: "Pick Who Dies" | Collars | Kidnapped

A Rock and a Hard Place

“And now the great Jedi General Anakin Skywalker is presented with a choice,” the queen grinned. Her words were barely loud enough for him to hear even though she was only a few feet away from him. There was a slight echo as her words were projected to the rest of the audience. “There are two in the arena now. Which will you choose to survive? Your master, or the slave? Who do the Jedi value more, an innocent life or one of their own?”

Day 3: Manhandled | Forced to their Knees | Held at Gunpoint

Falling to Pieces

“-Jedi Knight!” The queen, Miraj Scintel, was the one speaking. Her gold jewlery glimered in the sun as she continued to talk with Anakin and Ahsoka by her side. Obi-Wan continued to be paraded into the arena, pushed around if he wasn’t moving quite fast enough for the guards’ liking. “My friends, my good friends, do not fear the Jedi! They are no different from others we have forced into submission. For they have forsaken their ideals to serve a corrupt Senate! Every Jedi has become a slave to the Republic. The Jedi Order is weak and we will help break it.”

Day 4: Caged | Buried Alive | Collapsed Building

Bird Born For Joy

Ahsoka remembered being forced into a cage on the Kadavo mission. She remembered dangling over a high drop, with large animals shaking the cage trying to get to her. Her cage was secure- and when did it become her cage instead of the cage?- but that didn’t stop her heart from pounding at every movement.

She’d tried to stay calm and meditate, remembering the lessons she’d been taught as an initiate and later as a padawan by Master Kenobi. Cross-legged in an easy and comfortable position, hands resting lightly on her knees, focusing on breathing. Letting everything go to listen to the Force and feel it flow around, in, and through everything.

But eventually her thoughts drifted to that which she had been avoiding. The auction.

Day 5: On the Run | Failed Escape | Rescue

Windows to the Soul

You’re celebrating when it happens. Another battle, won with fewer casualties than is unfortunately regular. You look around to your men and you think- we might win this. One day this war will be over, and you can rest.

You can go back to your Temple with your family, mourn those you’ve lost, and celebrate the brothers joining. You can lay down your lightsabers, let them rest- for they are tired too, the kyber just as worn as the Jedi they have bonded with- and you can go back to your art. To studying history and literature, helping those who need it rather than senators who demand your attention and reduce your faith in the Force to mere parlor tricks. You can raise your younglings in a time of peace instead of sending padawans to war and you can sit and just breathe. You never missed the quiet before.

Day 6: "Get it Out" | No More | "Stop, Please"

Please...

“Stop, please,” Obi-Wan said quietly. Anakin had endured everything they'd thrown at him for so long- the cuts, whips, bruises, stabs, but Obi-Wan wasn’t sure how much longer he could last. His limbs were shaking and his eyes had gone hazy and unfocused. Anakin hadn’t been able to look Obi-Wan in the eye for hours, but recently he hadn’t even been staring at his general vicinity, just into the middle distance. It was most likely a combination of the head injuries and blood loss and the Seperatists still would not let up.

Obi-Wan didn’t know if their torturer hadn’t heard or was making Obi-Wan beg for the privilege to turn over classified information. The man twirled a knife between his fingers and lightly traced the skin of Anakin’s arm with it. Anakin didn’t let out a sound as the tip slowly parted his flesh and bright red drops of blood spilled out to cover dried old trails. He was far too used to this type of pain now.

“Please! No more,” he begged without shame. Obi-Wan would say anything, so anything to stop the man before him from hurting Anakin more. “I’ll do it.”

Day 7: Support | Carrying | Enemy to Caretaker

I’ve Got You

Obi-Wan remembers the battle. He remembers the sight of blaster bolts flying across the field. Clones screaming in fear and agony all around him. He remembers desperately blocking the shots and killing droids as they overwhelm him and his men. He remembers thinking that there’s nothing he can do to protect his padawan behind him.

It's a surprise to open his eyes again.

Day 8: Day 8: "Don't Say Goodbye" | Abandoned | Isolation

Stages of Surviving

Pain. Death. Despair. Insanity. Darkness. Revenge.

It swirled around him like an angry snowstorm

All of them, the other would feel like he himself had.

Day 9: "Take Me Instead" | "Run!" | Ritual Sacrifice

sharpen your knife

Anakin didn't know where he was, who had him, or what had happened.

All he knew was pain.

The pain in his head, pounding in time with his heart.

He couldn't even scream as he was strapped down against the stone altar and blades pierced his arms.

Day 10: Blood Loss | Internal Bleeding | Trail of Blood

don't leave me

Bright red drops stood out starkly against pure white snow. Everywhere Anakin looked the planet was stained with the blood of his men, those dead and those still dying.

“Obi-Wan!” He yelled into the after-battle haze. Clones barely looked up from where they laid, far too used to their commander’s screaming. Normally he might stay and help comfort a few, but Anakin could barely think past his panic and the fading bond in his head. “Master!”

Anakin tugged on their bond and limped off in the direction it led as fast as he could. Everything he passed was a blur, clones blending into the background as he focused on finding exactly where Obi-Wan had ended up after being separated from Anakin. Not even a few moments later Anakin hurried his pace, the sight of smears of dark red spurring him on.

Day 11: Defiance | Struggling | Crying

break me down/build me up (to what you want me to be)

Figures walk behind the bars of Anakin’s cell, his cage. That’s what it is- a space designed to keep him in and show him off, break him until he’s little more than a feral pet in captivity. They want his mind torn in half and his body in pain, willing to do whatever they want in order to have a few more seconds of peace.

It’s too bad that they won’t get what they want.

Day 12: Broken Down | Broken Bones | Broken Trust

Even Stars Burn Out

“No no no- Anakin!” He fell to his knees next to the body of his former padawan. Up close Anakin looked even worse, golden skin pale and breath shallow. “Oh, Anakin,” he whispered as he saw the damage to his chest. Whatever had hit him had been large and heavy, enough to break nearly every rib and cave in his chest.

“Shh, no, dear one, I’ve got you,” Obi-Wan whispered as he brushed blood off of Anakin’s lips.

“Obi- I don’t-” Anakin coughed again and more drops appeared. They stained his skin even after Obi-Wan desperately brushed them away with shaking hands. This couldn’t- no- Obi-Wan choked back a sob as Anakin choked back blood.

Day 13: Delayed Drowning | Chemical Pneumonia | Oxygen Mask

Breathe In, Breathe Out

Obi-Wan started to panic as Anakin couldn’t stop coughing. It seemed to be getting worse as Anakin’s entire body started to shake with the force of his it.

“Anakin- Anakin what’s wrong-”

Anakin coughed again in response. He looked up at Obi-Wan with watering eyes as he forced out a quiet “Master- it hurts-” before doubling over.

Day 14: Branding | Heat Exhaustion | Fire

Burn

Anakin had been born in the desert. He was used to the heat of two suns beating down upon his back at all hours of the day.

Anakin and fire, through his life.

Day 15: Possession | Magical Healing | Science Gone Wrong

symphony of stardust

Anakin was still just barely stable when they arrived on Coruscant.

Healers swarmed them the second they touched down, voices overlapping with each other as they did their best to help Anakin while rushing him along to the Halls of Healing.

Obi-Wan wasn’t sure what caused it to finally happen. After hours of staying as still as the grave Anakin finally moved, his back arching off the bed as he screamed and the lights flickered.

Day 16: Day 16: Forced to Beg | Hallucinations | Shoot the Hostage

Hold On

“Beg me,” Maul sneered, “To spare your padawan’s life.”

Obi-Wan panted from where he was standing. He couldn’t focus on the monster threatening his former padawan, he was too focused on Anakin. On the cuts and bruises on his face, the tears in his clothing, the concussed look in his eyes. Maul’s hand threaded through Anakin’s hair was probably the only thing holding him up at the moment.

“Or should I run him through like I did your master? Let you watch the life bleed out of his eyes? Should I cut him and half and see if he can survive like I did all those years?”

Day 17: Blackmail | Dirty Secret | Wrongfully Accused

what do we have at the end of the day? / each other, and hope

"Do you understand, Vader?" Palpatine- no, Sidious- hissed. This wasn’t the grandfatherly facade Sidious had donned to fool the Jedi, the Senate, and the public- this was who he really was, the Sith behind the mask.

Anakin shook from where he was kneeling. His Master hadn’t been pleased with him ever since he’d let Kenobi escape nearly a year ago- he’d been in the med bay for weeks after that incident, recovering from what his master had done to him. He could barely walk when Sidious had sent him on another mission. Since then Anakin’s punishments for failure had been harsher and become more frequent as more and more Jedi ‘escaped’ his grasp. Anakin knew this was his last chance- leading the clones to the Jedi Temple and killing their young and their old. Or Sidious would kill him and his mother.

Day 18: Panic Attacks | Phobias | Paranoia

should have been me

Obi-Wan stumbled back to his room when everything was over. He’d been exhausted for days after Naboo but he hadn’t been allowed to break down by himself. There were too many things to do- stay and help the Noobians then head back to Coruscant with Anakin in tow, explain everything to the Council and fight for the right to teach the boy Qui-Gon had found, then put together a schedule on how to teach a boy who hadn’t been raised in the Temple and who had never been taught their customs…

Obi-Wan kept busy enough to ignore the growing panic in his chest. He ignored the looks of pity the other Jedi gave him as he showed Anakin around the Temple. Obi-Wan had enough to do, he didn’t have time for a breakdown, and Anakin’s joy kept away the cold well enough for now.

Day 19: Grief | Mourning A Loved One | Survivor's Guilt

sandstorm

There was nothing left, Obi-Wan finally realized weeks later. He’d known the fact earlier, of course. He knew everything he had lost with a pain deep enough to settle into his bones and keep him warm through the desert nights. Obi-Wan remembered that one night, his siblings in the order, his brother-son who he’d raised, the Republic he’d served his entire life.

He knew that he’d lost it all, and yet it still didn’t fully hit him until he was laying in his cot, alone in his hut, staring at the ceiling and wishing he was back on Coruscant. Obi-Wan knew with a sinking in his heart that manifested through the tears in his eyes that he could never go back to the home he once knew.

Day 20: Lost | Field Medicine | Medieval

stitches

Kix was a trained Medic. It was his job, what he had literally been born to do, and he was good at it.

So why did it feel that more of his patients died in his arms than survived?

Day 21: Chronic Pain | Hypothermia | Infection

every day (rinse and repeat)

Anakin woke up in the morning and immediately took two pills. They were small, white, round things, and though he knew it would take a little while for them to kick in and actually do their job, he could swear that he felt better immediately.

He hissed as he stepped out of bed and the light from his open window hit his face. It was more jarring than it usually was and Anakin felt a spike of pain shoot through his skull. A hand reached up to rub at his forehead and Anakin groaned as he realized how dry his mouth was and how sore his throat felt.

Fierfek.

If he was already feeling this bad it would be a Force-blessed miracle if it got any better.

Day 22: Poisoned | Drugged | Withdrawal

sap

Anakin reached out to Obi-Wan, both in the Force and with his flesh hand, but his limbs were moving like molasses. Now that he was paying more attention to it, it felt like his head had been drenched in something heavy, a weight that was dragging his eyes down and telling him to fall asleep, to drift off and to dream. Panic rose in his chest and stayed there as he wasn’t even able to push it down his training bond with his master.

“Obi-Wan?” Anakin heard his own voice speak from far away. It felt like he was underwater and not, everything muffled and yet sharpened around him. It was confusing to wrap his head around, the sensation of polar opposites occurring at the same time in his own mind.

Day 23: Exhaustion | Narcolepsy | Sleep Deprivation

no rest for the wicked

Obi-Wan swayed on his feet even as he tried his hardest to keep steady. It was more difficult with every passing moment. The need to collapse grew stronger, as did the pounding in his head and the need to yawn. He was only hearing every third sentence spoken around him and at this rate he’d be lucky if he remembered anything in a few minutes.

Day 24: Forced Mutism | Blindfolded | Sensory Deprivation

the cold/the warmth, the void/the light

Voices, muffled behind the metal of his prison. Words he couldn’t make out and wasn’t sure he wanted to. The last time he’d heard voiced it hadn’t been pleasant- he’d been locked here, after all. He tried to move, either closer to or further from the voices, he wasn’t sure- but he couldn’t twitch a muscle. Instead he resigned himself to whatever his fate might be.

Day 25: Disorientation | Blurred Vision | Ringing Ears

smoke

Smile couldn’t exactly recall when he’d been hit. He remembered dropping onto the field behind General Skywalker and the others. He remembered firing his blaster at the droids, and avoiding the bolts fired back. He remembered the grunts of his brothers around him and the screams as they were hit, and most of all, he remembered the silence when they couldn’t speak anymore.

Day 26: Migraine | Concussion | Blindness

blink

It was dark when Anakin entered the hall. Pitch-black except for the blue of his saber, held up in front of him. The kyber inside hummed, anticipating a fight, and Anakin tensed at every sound. Water dripping in the corners of the halls he walked, rodents scuttling in the background. Anything could be indicative of an incoming attack, and Anakin would not be deterred from rescuing his master.

Day 27: Earthquake | Extreme Weather | Power Outage

snowfall

He took everything in and tried to memorize every detail. Anakin’s lips, normally full and soft, were chapped and bleeding. His closed eyes covered their deep blue coloring. His skin, pale when it was once golden. Snow coated it all, even for the short time they’d been lying down.

Once, Obi-Wan might have brushed the flakes off but now he barely had the strength to keep his eyes open and breathe at the same time. Still he endured to watch over Anakin. He would not close his eyes until he physically couldn’t any longer.

The moment came much sooner than he would have preferred, but Obi-Wan was expecting it at the same time. With Anakin’s face clear in his mind, Obi-Wan drifted off into the cold.

Day 28: Accidents | Hunting Season | Mugged

Accidents Happen

It was an accident.

It was an accident, Padmé repeated to herself as she covered her mouth in horror. It wasn’t her fault at all, it was just an accident- Somehow she couldn’t convince herself of that fact.

Day 29: Intubation | Emergency Room | Reluctant Bedrest

stay safe

Ahsoka sighed as she squirmed in the bed she’d been forced into. It wasn’t comfortable no matter how she turned, and Ahsoka huffed as she collapsed back onto it. She couldn’t believe Anakin had sent her to the medbay, instead of letting her tag along on their mission. Ahsoka wanted to be with her men, fighting, instead of being trapped here in the medbay. She needed to protect them. Far too many of their men had died in this war already, and Ahsoka didn’t know how she could take the constant losses if this war lasted years, or even decades. No matter how safe Anakin promised that they would be, Ahsoka needed to be with them and not in the medbay.

Day 30: Injury Reveal | Hiding an Injury | Internal Organ Injury

innocence died screaming

Shmi shoved down all of the hurt and anger rising in her chest again, and smiled. - Obi-Wan ignored the aching in his chest as he forced himself to calm slightly and smile, though no one could see it. - Anakin knew this was nothing that he couldn’t deal with on his own, and so, he smiled. - "I'm fine."

Day 31: Experiment | Whipped | Left for Dead

spill my blood on this sand

Anakin knew how he looked in the center of the small square. It wasn’t anything unusual to see a slave tied up at the whipping post, to hear the crack of the whip, the cries of the slave, and the laughing of the masters. You never heard the slaves speak in the square. They prayed for the life of one of their own, averted and closed their eyes from the sight of their sibling tied to the post. Many of them knew what it was like to be tied there for punishment or for entertainment, and many knew that they might be next.

Anakin looked up to the sky, wishing that Leia the Great Dragon or one of the other goddesses might come and save him now. He prayed just like every other slave before him had, with all their hope and fear, until it shattered on the ground below him. Then he looked to the stained sand, and with his despair, he asked the gods to grant him the will to survive one more day.

#I finally got around to making this lmao #my writing #rynae writes #whumptober 2020 #whumptober 2020 masterlist #star wars #anakin skywalker #obi wan kenobi #ahsoka tano

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mersuperwholocked-lowlife · 4 years

Text

Prompt List

So, I decided to make an official prompt list. So, when I open requests, you can use a prompt from here, or just send me whatever you want. You can check out what I write before

1). “This is who I am, I know I’m a monster but I can’t change who I am.”

2.) “What’s a motto?” “I don’t know what’s the motto with you.”

3.) “How many fucking times do you think I’m going to let myself go through this again?”

4.) “Do you know what it’s like to go to bed every day to escape your demons only to find new ones haunting you?”

5.) “Dude, that was crazy! I didn’t think that would work.” “Me neither.”

6.) “Are you sure I can’t punch him in the face?” “Yes“ “Damn it.”

7.) ”I don’t need your forgiveness, and I’m way past asking for your permission”

8.) “It hurts me that you can lie to me so easily. It hurts that you always lie to me. When can I have the truth? Is it too much to ask for?”

9.) “I’ve been telling her not to, it’s not my fault that she’s a prick and can’t do shit when she’s told to.”

10.) “Do you ever think about everything you’ve done in your life? How do you not hate yourself?

11.) “I’m not proud of much, but I’m proud of you.”

12.) “If you’re here, and he’s here, then who the hell is making all that ruckus in my bedroom?”

13.) “Please forgive me.”

14.) “Let her. Let her kill me. Let her hurt me. I deserve it.”

15.) “P-Please hold me.”

16.) “That is false.”

17.) “I-I can’t remember what I did yesterday or what I did today. I-I don’t know where I am.”

18.) “You were supposed to be my friend. You were supposed to be my family.”

19.) “Own up to who you are. Never let anyone shoot you down.”

20.) “As Sir Isaac Newton once said, ‘The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.”

21.) “I thought dragons came after virgins… so why aren’t they after you?”

22.) “Being insanely smart has its downs.”

23.) “You said you’ll always be there for me. You lied.”

24.) “Yes! I’m a real person! I have real people’s feelings!”

25.) “It’s us, always and forever.”

26.) “I have to pick between the only people I’ve ever cared about, and whoever I don’t pick dies.”

27.) “Why are you always running away from me? I’m not that bad!” “You’re the devil in a white suit.”

28.) “Can we please stop this? W-We’s always fighting. I-I don’t even know what we’re fighting about.”

29.) “I hope you learned your lesson, next time I won’t be there to save your ass.” “W-What are you talking about? What do you mean you won’t be there?”

30.) “Eres un idiota.” “Did you just call me an idiot in Spanish?” “What?! I would never.”

31.) “But why does this matter? I can guarantee you that I’m never gonna use it.”

32.) “Doesn’t it bother you that we can never be normal?” “Maybe it did. But now, being different is better.”

33.) “So, if you’re so good with kids, then where the hell is mine?” “That’s not fair.” “It’s your fault.”

34.) “I’m too tired to care.”

35.) “I don’t want to kill you. But I will. Because my family is more important. So again, leave. Now.”

36.) “Danger’s my last name!” “I thought it was (Y/L/N)?”

37.) “I-I can’t find anything of my meds. Not my anti-depressants, not my pain killers, not my anxiety meds. I-I can’t stop shaking.”

38.) “I have to write a 4-page long argumentative essay.” “Well, you are good at arguing.”

39.) “But you tried. That’s what counts. Not everything is a success.”

40.) “Ugh, it’s you again. Didn’t you die last year?” “No, that was fake.”

41.) “Don’t do that!”

42.) “You’re so stupid! I hate you and your stupid little face!”

43.) “What the hell?! You’re supposed to be taking an exam right now! What the hell are you doing here?!”

44.) “Did I stutter?”

45.) “Let go of my pie. Now.”

46.) “You’re sneaking out, aren’t you?”

47.) “How many times must I tell you? No drinking before dark.

48.) “So, you have a metal arm? That’s exciting.”

49.) “Do you think that I’m gonna leave you? You’re stuck with me, with us forever, no matter how much you hate it.”

50.) “Uhm, am I going crazy, or do you also see that horse?”

51.) “You’re not who I thought you were. You’re better.”

52.) “Are you sure you two aren’t related?”

53.) “There are literal monsters, roaming the streets, and you’re telling me to stay calm?!”

54.) “I know this may be hard for you to believe, but there are ways to solve your problems, without violence.”

55.) “Well, I didn’t expect that.”

56.) “You look like you need a hug, kid. What’s on your mind?”

57.) “Please don’t! She’s a child!” “So what? Many children die every day, why should yours live?”

58.) “I said to blend in! Not dress like you just killed someone!”

59.) “You’re lying.” “That makes two of us

60.)” Well, this is awkward.”

61.) I uh, think I might be pregnant.”

62.) “Do you want me to kill somebody for you?”

63.) “I thought you were dead?” “Yeah, guess I was hell to put up with. Even for Hell.

64.) Prove it to me. Prove to me this world would be better without you. ‘Cuz it won’t. Let me show you how much you mean to me. To us. Just please, get down from there.”

65.) “Let me help you cook before you burn down my house.”

66.) “I’m not scared of you. You’re like a little puppy!”

67.) “I want you to come with me, not anyone else.”

68.) “Do you know each other?”

69.) “I hate you.” “I know. But you need me.”

70.) “Isn’t it a beautiful day to create some chaos?”

71.) “I’m not drunk enough for this.”

72.) “Welcome to Vampire 101. Don’t get caught by hunters.”

73.) “Please don’t hurt them! They’ve done nothing wrong!”

74.) “I’m doing the best I can! I don’t know how to drive!”

75.) “I heard screaming, are you okay?”

76.) “Hey! Are you telling me I’m bad at my job!”

77.) “I really don’t care.”

78.) “I can’t remember. I wish I could.”

79.) “Watch your language!”

80.) “Hey, I can’t find the scissors, can we use your claws?”

81.) "Minutes. We only have minutes till it's too late.

82.) "Just be careful. I don't want a call at 3 AM from the hospital saying that you died.

83.) "What do you want?! I'm playing Mario Kart!"

84.) "There's a light at the end of the tunnel." "Yeah, it's called hellfire.

85.) "Who gives a rat's ass about Chemistry?!

86.) "Oh my god just your voice makes me wanna die!

87.) "Why the hell is there a 72-inch teddy bear on my bed?

88.) "None of us here have a life, so who the hell is texting you at 10 PM?

89.) "I just want it to end? Can't you just leave me to die?!"

90.) "Okay, he keeps giving me the evil eye."

91.) "I've been stabbed more times than days I've been alive."

92.) "Did you cut your hair?" "No, I got stabbed by a knife."

93.) "Please save me."

94.) "A shady ass mansion and 6 weird ass kids, what could go wrong?"

95.) "Oh my god they are dating! You owe me 5 bucks!"

96.) "No! There's something wrong with me, everyone always leaves me!"

97.) "Why is there a 5-year-old in your hands?"

98.) "Oh yeah, I'm pregnant."

99.) "So, I'm a witch, my dad's a hunter, and my mom's an evil coven leader. Talk about a messed up family."

100.) "You know what they say, the kindest one is the most broken one."

101.) "I've got all the time in the world for you."

102.) "I-I didn't kill him."

103.) "You're covered in blood."

104.) "Took years, but I finally have the courage to say it, I love you. Will you go out with me?"

105.) "Well, I'm never working at this coffee shop again."

106.) "I accidentally drank dish soap."

107.) "He's kinda hot."

108.) "Are you drunk? Again?"

109.) "I can feel myself, fading away."

110.) "Don't stray away from me, I love you."

111.) “It’s a hard life but I had you. And I’d never give up that.”

112.) “Don’t move! One wrong step and you’ll die!”

113.) “You are good enough. Don’t doubt yourself.”

114.) "Do you smell something burning?" "Dude, that's your hair."

115.) "I just feel so numb, a-all the time. S-So fucking numb."

116.) “He saved my life, (name). You keep saying everyone else doesn't forgive him. I know you’re the one who doesn't. Stop acting like you're the high and mighty merciful one. I’m going to find him, and you’re not gonna stop me,”

117.) "I love you, why are you pushing me away?"

118.) "Why is nothing I do good enough for you? Every time you look at me, it's like you're just staring at a steaming pile of disappointment. Why do you always think you're better than me?"

119.) "I-I know you're there. Just please let me out."

120.) "You're gonna kill me? With what, reckless driving?"

121.) I'm listening to you, I have been fucking listen to you!"

122.) "Know that you are good enough,"

123.) "I'm sorry that I was a dick. Just please, don't leave."

#supernatural #supernatural imagine #spn #spn imagine #marvel #marvel cinematic universe #mcu #mcu imagine #marvel imagine #marvel cinematic universe imagine #The Vampire Diares #tvd #the vampire diaries imagine #tvd imagine #the originals #to #the originals imagine #to imagine

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ne-fe-li-bata · 3 years

Text

Aye yo CORPSE! ...

Dead ass;

You can't convince me that Corspe was/is/does ;

in no particular order..

• Deserve to be held ( I would smother him with my chest and hold him tighter than he has ever been held) & protected from this world

• Pyro! Mans loves🔥🔥🔥 - mostly his fav elemental (Leo is a fire sign); “WOOO... now that’s a fire!”

• Loves knives/weapons- has a collection (quite a nifty 1, ay thank-a-you) & even knows how to use butterfly knives/ tackle combat.

Has a collection of weapons (brass knuckle, daggers, swords, knives,etc.)

• Highly interested in combat/training. Most likely has training in some sort of combat. Loves any form of physical combat < UFC,MMA, Boxing, any type of martial arts>

• Absolute proper gentlemen / clearly has the utmost charm/cunning

I.e holds the door open & will slap yo ass on the way in, moves you away from street side when walking, pulls chairs, defends your honor, etc.

• Takes A . L . O . T to truly capture his attention- but once you have it ..%100

• With his person; protective/obsessives/ possessive/ sensual/ affectionate .

< mine is mine. me no share -like absolutely not at all>

“ You want the moon? Just say the word and I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down for ya“

• RP'er on DeviantArt/chats had his own OC. (also prob had his fav person to RP with)

• Watched mostly nothing by anime/cartoons (nick/CN) as a kid & also mostly watched certain shows/movies as a kid well into his teens

(could recite quotes/scenes as second nature)

• Not a major musical theatre type of kid. But musical movies/shows was 1 of his favs- but still highly interested/ in love with theatre/musicals/preforming arts none the less.

-EYES DON’T LIE

•’staring problem’ he’d just stare at you -deep in his head (both good & bad) you’d have to bring him back to you ..”babe- eh, come *snap*back to me. What’s on your mind my love?’

• Genuinely a really warm person- but only to certain people, but comes across cold & distance

• Grew up in the internet & knows the way around the 'business' & 'faceless' YouTubers/celebrities

• His teens/ late adolescents consisted & grew up on YouTube O.G videos/ video game commentary/content;

Cry.. <Cry was a huge part of my life & still hold a special place in my heart. Corspe just like I was most likely devastated with the shit that went down>

Jack

Nova

Sp00n

Jontron

Smosh

Nigahiga

Shane

Jenna

Hanna Hart

Phil/Dan

KevJumba

Ray William Johnson

Pewds

Machinima

EMT

ERB

Wassabi Prod.

VlogBros,

-etc

• Has an oral fixating (lovebites indefinitely <like dead ass ya’ll be chillan/ out & he’d attack you> & just needs something in his mouth always)

• Fidgety af, always need to be playing with something in his hands/playing with

• Is a goddamn absolute certified freak--but also super soft bean boi. (can't stress how this boi needs& deserves to be protected)

• Constant hand/arm touching/stroking for comfort.

• Daddy{papi} / Mommy(mamá) . Master . Sir kink - hard control kinks- but highly sub.

hard(er) kinks

• Lovebites = M I N E

obvs fishnets/ crossbody straps/ lingerie

lace

collars/ restraints

toys

•RP

degrading/praising

sub/dom switch

showing/proving your actually/completely & utterly his/ he’s completely & utterly yours..

& of course you know it's go time when 1 - if not both of you has kitty ears on.

over stim

*no touchy/ don’t let me go*

“look at what I’ve done to you”

“you kno only I can do this to you”

“look how greedy you are for me”

“look at the mess you’ve made because of me’

“cum on my face”/’cum for me”

“who do you belong to” / “you belong to me & only me”

100% all black clothing 🖤

*that once we get home / I swear I’ll deal with you right here, right now* look

primal play “when you run from me, it only makes me want you more” “you know imma find you kitten”

pet names (beast< i feel like you call this man “ (a) beast”-he about to lose his absolute fucking mind> , “oh Corpse/______, you absolute fuckin’ beast- my God” kitten, babyboy/girl, baby(e), bae, my love, lover boy, my darling, slut, needy little bitch, cum slut, lil’ whore, master/mistress, king/queen”

“only yours” “just ______” “ no-one but _____” “only____” “only you”

‘I’ll keep you so no one can find you or bother us’

“that’s my girl” / “that's my boy”

“would you like to/ I saw----”

“look at me” “don’t look away from me”

GROWLING / talking through clenched jaw

not breaking eye contact

• his name & ‘Corspe’ being cried out

“cry out my name for me baby. know who you belong to”

video/sexing/teasing

breeding kink

voyeurism

abrasions

aftercare af

impact play

24/7

edging

accidental stim; “holy fuck- I’m so turned on by you rn”

rope bondage

begging

worships

• But also soft kinks;

MEME SENDING

head on lap/chest

naps

playing with hair

matching outfits

voice messages

always touching (somehow)

no space between bodies

picture taking together/ just of you

body rubs, head rubs

massages

competition

play fighting

“this reminded me of you”

“I remember you said” “I know you...”

“you know I love you”

“I can tell by your eyes”

“ugh- I swear to shit imma marry you 1 day”

“nothing really made sense until you”

“do you wanna watch”/ “WAIT!? YOU HAVEN’T SEEN?!”

“damn- you really do love/like me, eh?”/ “you are SO fucking mine”

“that’s my girl”/ “that's my boy”

pet names/ “MY_______” “YOURS”

long stares

dates- stay at home dates are his fav, as your attention/focus is just on him

choker/necklace/ jewelry (that 1 of you bought- NOT LIKE HIGH PRICE TAG, but like seen it & was like ‘omg ____ would so wear...’)

cuddles with movies /anime watching time

just being in the same room/on call- even in silence

* emojis*- just some sort of communication

inside jokes/ puns/dark humor

seeing 1 another with kids

future kink (family, travel, etc)

playing video games

dancing/ singing with 1 another

Sitting on the ground, wrapped around his leg when he streams/edits

Nerf gun fights

Watching him record (tracks/editing/streaming)

• Loves- loves surprises <like dead ass would set up a surprise date/ do a scavenger hunt for you/ surprise you with your fav thing>

• Loyalty is everything & his best attribute (& pride)

• The music that he make is from the soul/heart. He pit everything has has/what he has left into his art

• No one has seen the real him - a side he truly hides

• He's both book & street smart

Taught himself through YouTube/Reedit/online

• Fav actors; Jim Carrey/Robbin Williams/Will Smith (?)

• Man’s straight up dangerous. we only know like a quarter of him & people fall at his feet. ( h e . i s . n o t . t o . b e. F U C K E D . w i t h)

• Hates silence

( constantly needs background noise) <also can't fight me on this babyboi cuddles pillows/blankets for night-night time>

• People don't understand the pain he is in every day, unless they have fibromyalgia/GERD/high functioning (sever social)anxiety/depression/ agoraphobia

(my mom suffers with fibro/depression <I myself have GERD/ sever social amenity/depression>& I wouldn't wish those illness on my worse enemy...)

• Over all pain has changed him

• Has dealt with self harm since a young age- most likely 9- 11 yrs old. (as someone else who’s suffered with SH for years- when you become so numb it 1 of the only ways to feel some sort of anything/makes you feel like you’re alive)

• Addiction (drugs/people/things)

• Wrote & read a lot of fanfiction

(most likely his main source of reading in pre/teenage years)

• Is a hopeless romantic but has his guard way up

• Obsessed with Japan / Studio Ghibli

• Doesn't think he deserves any of the recognition/ fame he's gotten--but definitely deserves it all as he's creative & inspirational as fuck. Also he’s worked so hard for it & had put himself through so much

Contrary is highly appreciative of those that are supporting

• Doesn't do it for the fame but for the fact he know how he's gotten people through hard time (just like those on the internet got him through)

• Was a scene boy that vibe’d of myspace/ listens to a lot of ‘scene’ pop-punk, emo/ scene band shit (band?)

• Also is/was a major tumblr boy

• Would be a phenomenal father

• His love language: physical touch & words of affirmation

• He would flinch at touch movement but would melt in your hands

• Face caresses would trigger anxiety/ tears.. but once he’s calmed/comfortable would burry his face in your touch. neck & chest

• Still caught up in daydreams

• A part of him is still never satisfied even if it’s exactly to the pin point detail of what he wanted

• Has at least 40/50(ish) songs he hasn't released

• Mommy & daddy issues (not saying his home life was really- really fucked - but non the less- it certainly wasn't the best).. Also wants to protect/provide for his family (especially his sister) & was prob closer to a grandparent/aunt/uncle)

• Definitely prefers to be by himself, as every time people come around, it's like;‘"this is why I'm okay (ish)with being alone"

• lost an important person to him due to O.D/ suicided..

• Also most likely to of heard his "friends" shit talking 'Corpse' or something correlated with him

• His pride is his biggest sin (next to lust)

• Has single-handedly defined a huge part of 2020 ( in the best way)

• Went through a fighting stage where he was ready to fuck anyone up on a drop of a dime (middle/'high school'/street fights- possibly even under ground)

but also a stage where he cut absolutely everyone off for a solid couple years

• Most likely obsessed with 1 of 3 creatures; lion, dragon, wolf ( 5ish- possibly bear/fox)

• Dinosaur obsessed

• Internet & video games raised him

• He raised himself

Quick to adapt to surroundings/situations.

• Mighty Morphin Power Rangers was his shit ( I CAN SO SEE YOUNG BABYBOI RUNNIN AROUND THE HOUSE IN A POWER RANGER SUIT) "IT'S MORPHIN' TIME MOTHER FUCKER"

fav ranger- green

• Has up until next year planned out & is working on the next 'version of corpse' ( PR, vids, music, etc)

• Also med/high key this man was most likely in a physcward (more than once) ..

• This man deserves more than he'll ever give himself recognition for & knows in the back of his mind--people will hate just to hate

• Rose is his fav flower 🌹

•⛈️🌧️. >🌞. Loves storms/ rain & prefers them over sunny days

• Loves the moon/stars/space (?) < observatorium dates = fuckin mint>

• Pixar/Disney lover

• Fav Pixar movie.. either Wall.E or Toy Story

• Pixar > Disney

• But fav Disney movie- Beauty & the Beast (?)

• Most likely had a Jackass obsession's (doing dumb hoodshit)

• Fall is his fav season (?)

• Horror/ thriller movies/shows over everything (obvs)

• Had an escape place in town where he’d hide from the world- that absolutely no one knew about.

• Was really into graffiti/ street art

• Arested as a youth - but charges dropped- or was still considered a mirror (either fighting/ possession/ trespassing/ vandalisms)

• Arrested on heavier charges (also same as above - but not tried as an minor)

• also-ALSO ... thou he feels like he owes people something. HE DOESN’T OWE ANYTHING TO A N Y O N E . His mental & well being is the most important.

• On a side & major note. You can't deny that this man single handily is a (in my opinion) the 2nd biggest “C” that define 2020.

• Was most likely really into skateboarding/BMX

• Late night drives/impulsive road trips & playlist/ sitting at lookouts, just in silence & touching 1 another.

• Clingy af-.. but could also be distance & cold af- especially on high pain days. stormy brain days. PTSD episodes.

• Slow dancing/ dancing around the apartments. with or without music.

• Rocking out with each other- screaming lyrics in each other face.

• “hey baby- how you feelin”

*grunting* *shuffles over & lays on chest*

• Huge comforts for 1 another;

Especially when going out, being wrapped around him for comfort & reassurance. Even being at home alone together- panic attacks are shit, PTSD episodes are even more shit. helping each other with bathing & caring

When he’d be hiding from his reflection- or stares just a little too long. Going up behind him & worship him (vise versa)

• He’d be your biggest hypeman/ #1 fan (vise versa)

• Would LOVE you wearing his clothes/jewelry & would love to wear you things.

Was probably engaged to his ex (that's why he gets offt when people mention "corpse wife"

There'd be days where he'd be so distance & cold.. & tell you to leave but wouldn't let you.

He'd sit in the bathroom with you when you shower/have a bath.

As he doesn't sleep most night. He'd be up just watching you sleep & caressing you.

Lil spoon > big spoon.

I love you... genuinely . turly. madly. deeply.

#dear cropse #if youre seeing this #i kno youll be okay #im sorry for everything you've had to go through #plz kno #to me #you are my brightest star in a universe of supernovas #you make everything okay for me #till fate do us part #i kno 1 day we'll meet #the universe will bring me to you & you to me

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dumbcuckbucket · 3 years

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i uhh wrote a thing and i just need to put it somewhere and forget it exists.

no one talks about the ugly nights when youre chronically ill. you hear about the bad nights, the dangerous nights, and occasionally even the good nights. but you rarely hear about the nights when someone lays awake in bed, crying from pain that they cant stop and wondering why the fuck they deserve to feel this way.

why am i, at twenty, so tired of living in so much pain all the time, that im questioning life? not in a suicidal way, let me make that very clear. ive been actively suicidal before, and this is different. i want to stop existing, but i dont want to die. i simply want to stop hurting.

why is it that when the sun comes up and ive gotten little to no sleep, my body still screaming in pain, must i pretend i am okay? brush it off as simply a life i am used to and thats that. i am used to it, but why must that be okay? why must i exist this way?

around nine i will roll out of bed and pretend my joints dont burn and that my head doesnt weep and act as if i havent spent the better part of the night terrified of how my illness will affect my future and silently sobbing about it. i’ll feed my dog and take him out. there’s some fresh air. its nice, but i’m tired. i want to lay down again.

i’ll shower, which will take so much of my energy that i do not have anymore. i’ll make phone calls. it seems like all my life is is phone calls, and then spaces between calls where life moves around me and i make no progress. i’ll call my doctor and ask for blood tests to see if my meds are working. i’ll call a different doctor to make sure my referral was granted by my other doctor. if it hasnt been, i’ll call that doctor.

i have an appointment at 11. its supposed to help. im getting screened for adhd and other mental disabilities that may be affecting my studies. what doesnt affect my studies anymore? im stressed about work, im stressed about my family, im stressed about covid and money and my studies and i am so tired. its supposed to help. i am already so resigned to hear that theres nothing wrong, because nothing is ever wrong if i dont fight and get different opinions. i am so fucking tired of fighting. i hope i get the help i need, because i dont think i can keep trying to get it.

my mom died. did i tell you that? two years ago, right after i moved away for college. her birthday is in 9 days. i wish i could talk to her. its hard, holding resentment for someone because of how they treated you while missing them so deeply it feels like a bullet wound.

her funeral was weird. it never really hit me that she died. i mean, i know shes dead. ive known. but when the treatments stopped and the cancer spread, she died long before her heart stopped. i wish i had better memories. i know there had to be good ones there, but i only remember the bad and the dying.

its crazy that of all the things that could be wrong with me, its chronic shitting disease. it feels like a joke. trying to talk about a chronic illness in almost any setting is hard enough. imagine that chronic illness relating to poop. it sucks.

after my appointment i have to go pick up a prescription. i hope it helps. it needs to help, because i am so tired of doctors and phone calls and the ever piling list of meds that dont work. having medication lists sent to new doctors and having to say “no i stopped that one when i started this one” and “that one didnt work” over and over and over gets exhausting. i don’t remember half of the meds they name anymore.

my roommates dont understand. i wish they did. they dont realize how hard it is for me to brush my teeth, let alone cook and clean. then to have to socialize with them at the end of the day feels like pulling teeth. i love them. theyre my best friends, my tether to life when i feel like im floating while the world moves without me. i just wish they understood.

i’ll try to go to class after i get my prescription. i’ll log on and ignore it, like i always do. i’ll lay down in bed with my computer muted, looking through twitter or looking at etsy. anything to not deal with the real world for a few minutes. the real world is so exhausting.

im still crying, but its fine. this is my life, its how it is. im used to it. its okay. (a lie, but a good one).

i’ll call my dad. i’ll lie when he asks how i am. i’ll tell him im tired because i havent slept well this week (lie of omission). he’ll ask how im feeling. i’ll tell him im fine (a direct lie). ill tell him about my appointment and my new inhaler and all the calls ive made. i’ll make a joke about how much it all fucking sucks (not a joke, but my tone doesnt let the truth out). he’ll tell me about his days off. he’ll tell me about work, and the grocery shopping he did, and how he still has laundry and that he hasnt done anything in the garage yet. he’ll tell me what hes making for dinner. i’ll say it sounds good (a lie; nothing sounds good to me anymore) and i’ll say im jealous (a truth; i miss his food). we’ll sit in silence for a bit, then he’ll say “well i gotta get going” and we’ll say goodbye. he’ll say i love you. i’ll say it back (the final truth). one of us will remember something to talk about. we’ll say goodbye again.

i’ll lay down again, and while the sun is out i wont think about how much i hate this. how i, at twenty, dont deserve this. how i have had my future robbed from me so i can make calls and appointments and run through a mile long list of medications.

my dog will lay down with me, and i will feel guilty for not taking him to the park to play.

i’ll remember i have to pay rent. i get up to do it. i bring my dog, and we go to the park. he runs himself hard, so we only stay for half an hour. we’ll go home, he’ll be happy, and i’ll be exhausted. i’ll go lay down and vaguely think about my school work. i wont do it. i’ll let my roommates decide what we do for the night. i’ll try to make some food, or order something. they’ll make fun of me, not realizing it hurts that they dont see that being alive is so hard for me. they dont understand, but thats okay. it has to be okay.

ive stopped crying. my knees and ankles and elbows and fingers still hurt. my stomach churns and my head is pounding, but im used to it. its okay. it has to be okay.

#mine #my post #jes talks #jes writes #chronic illness #crohns #long post #suicide tw #not suicidal but it is mentioned #death tw #ask to tag #personal #okay to rb

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peqachy · 4 years

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Among Us Writing Anyone??

It’s been three days since we left MIRA HQ, each of the crew doing their part to repair any damages to the ship, or, as it’s officially called by White, The SKLED. To be frank, the ship is rather small, mainly consisting of eight different areas that anyone can travel through with ease, the maximum time it takes to get from navigation to reactor is about three minutes when walking and the tasks on the ship are mostly basic material that I was already briefed on by Cyan (otherwise known as Mother). Which leaves one question stirring in my head, How do I medbay scan again? Peering around in a lost manner, I try to spot my partner Black (otherwise know as X). Why is it that he always disappears when I need him mo-oh! Out of the corner of my eye, I briefly catch the sight of the security camera’s light flashing red. He must be in security! Trotting down the hall towards upper engine, I spot Blue walking around by himself. Wasn’t he with Mother earlier? I thought with confusion, but quickly brush it off. She must have left to do a task. I conclude as I continue to trot towards security.

“Ah, Red, where are you going?” Blue asks suddenly, catching me by my elbow as I walk past him.

“I’m on my way to security to ask Black how to do the medbay scan!” I chirp back in response, noticing how he bites his nude-pink lower lip, “Is something wrong Blue?”

He blinks at my question, “Ah, no, everything is fine! How about I help you with medbay instead since I’m heading there myself.”

“Oh, you are? That sounds great, thank you for helping me Blue!” I cheer, following him like a lost puppy.

“My name is Ein, in case you were wondering,” he says shyly, a light shade of red dusting his redwood colored cheeks.

“Pleasure to meet you Ein, I’m Luca,” I reply happily, observing how his pale olive green eyes dart from my gaze to the floor.

“The pleasure is all mine...” he mumbles quietly, only loud enough for me to hear.

As we enter medbay, we run into Pink and Orange (they’re the resident couple on the ship), “Ah, Pink, Orange, you’re just in time. Red here needs help with her med scan!”

“She does? Alrighty! Come with me dear and I’ll show you the ropes!” Pink says, clapping her hands together in a friendly manner, “Lucky for you, I was just about to do a med scan myself!”

Following Pink into medbay, I glance over my shoulder at Orange and Blue. They seemed to be caught up in a conversation, standing off to the right of the doorway. Odd, doesn’t Blue have a medbay task as well? My brows furrow in confusion, once again feeling perplexed with Blue’s strange behavior as a chill runs up my spine. No, you’re imagining things Luca, he isn’t suspicious.

Oh, right, probably forgot to mention this huh? As of yesterday, at 11:00 pm, all of the crew was notified of two impostors hiding aboard The SKLED in plain sight. Since then, everyone has been staying in pairs to avoid being alone. Although, in my opinion, it’s a pretty dumb idea seeing as the impostors can easily kill their partner and then come up with an excuse as to why they weren’t with them.

“You’re new to the MIRA ship crew aren’t you, Red?” Pink asks after some shuffling, bringing my attention from the doorway to her.

Instantly, my pale olive cheeks are lit a flame by the sight of her half-naked form, “W---wh--what are you doing?!”

My screech of distress causes her to laugh, a smile causing her dark chocolate colored cheeks to tighten, “Calm down, love, this is mandatory if you want to get an accurate reading on the med scan.”

“It is?”

“Yep! Dressing down to the bare minimum helps the machine get a better scan, which means approval from Home.” she replies to my question expertly, pointing to a little green button next to a lighter green screen, “This button starts up the scanner. For right now, you and I can press the button for each other, but you won’t always have a partner who can help you with this. Luckily, there is a ten second timer on the scanner that allows you to get on it before it begins to scan, but that may take a few attempts before you get the hang of it.”

“Wow, that’s such a helpful tip Pink!” I chirp with a grin, pressing the button for her as she stands tall on the scanner.

After Pink’s scan, something terrifying happens. At first, I thought it was just a message from X, wondering where we should regroup, but when I looked at my tablet my blood ran cold. A---a body has been reported?! Horror fixes itself on both our faces, Pink’s milky sky blue eyes stare into mine with shock before she hurriedly puts her uniform back on.

“Pink...” my voice cracks with fear, my body trembling as my stomach sinks.

“I know, I know, com’ on, we’ve got a meeting to attend,” she speaks with hooded eyes, her jaw tense as she fixes her clothes.

From the look in her eyes I can tell something is up, but I am too afraid to speak up about it. Just keep to yourself for right now...there’s no reason to be hasty. I think as I quietly follow Pink to the cafeteria, my eyes scanning the brightly lit hallway for anything of suspicion. To my relief, there’s nothing suspicious to speak of. I hope X is okay... I thought, my hands feeling clammy and my face being drained of all it’s color. Oh god, please don’t let him be dead! Looking at the table, I notice Pink and I are the last ones to arrive at the table for discussion. Spotting X on the other side of the discussion table I wave goodbye to Pink before trotting over to my partner, the two of us sharing a hug of relief seeing as we’re both still alive.

“Alright, seeing as we are all present, Black, tell us what you found,” White says coolly, remaining calm in a terrifying situation.

“First, I would like to know where everyone was before I say where the body was found, “ X responds, just as calmly as White.

How are they so calm? It’s almost unnerving. Swallowing thickly, I decide to speak up at least once, “Blue, Orange, Pink, and I were at med bay, Pink was helping me figure out the scanner...”

“Blue, Orange, Pink, can you confirm this information?” Yellow asks, most likely trying to see if my alibi is accurate.

“Yes, this is true, although I’m not sure why Red and Blue were together in the first place. You did split us up into specific pairs for easier management remember?” Orange speaks with narrowed brown eyes towards Ein, obviously suspicious of him.

“I was on my way to find Black in security when I bumped into Blue walking up from reactor. He asked where I was going, so I told him and then he offered to help me,” I answer simply, feeling a need to defend myself even though I wasn’t accused.

“Alright, Red is cleared. Blue, what’s your story?” White nods approvingly, the sigh of relief X lets out not going unnoticed by the rest of us.

As Ein explains himself, I glance at X from the corner of my eye. Stress is apparent on his features, beads of sweat rolling down his pale skin like a spray of bullets. Slipping my hand to the side to have it rest on his, I give it a gentle squeeze of assurance. His partner was just semi-accused, makes sense for him to be nervous now. I thought, my expression contorting into a look of pity. He looks back at me, a small nervous smile on his lips as his hand turns over to squeeze mine back.

“....and that’s how I met up with Red.” Ein finishes, still looking cool and collected whilst explaining himself.

I can’t tell if he’s lying or not. I think nervously, his alibi sounding solid from what I paid attention to. But there has to be pieces that don’t fit together!

“That’s a good alibi, Blue, or at least it would be if I couldn’t prove your story wrong,” Lime says sternly, pointing to Ein with an accusing finger, “While Cyan did have trouble with her card, you stood there and waited for her! After that, Cyan said her last task was aliening the engines while you said your last task was inspecting a sample in med bay! If you’re a true crew-mate, why would you lie about where you were before Cyan was murdered!?”

“How do you know we left together? You weren’t in admin with us, “ the retort was swift and sharp, a glare fixed on Ein’s face as he defends himself sharply.

“You’re right, when you two left together, I wasn’t in side of admin, but I was emptying the trash shoot whenever I heard Cyan cry out in frustration about the card reader! Not only that, but when I was fixing wires in storage, I heard Cyan say she needed to swing by the engines to realign them! You have no excuse for not being by her side when you bumped into Red!” Lime nearly shouts, appalled by Ein’s assumption.

“Lime calm yourself, Cyan’s murderer will be brought to justice, “ Brown jumps in, quick to defuse the rage in Lime’s hazel eyes before he can get out of hand.

“Right, sorry, guess I got too worked up,” Lime apologizes with a weary glance over in Ein’s direction, a nasty glare replacing it when he spots Ein’s smirking lips.

“Blue, “ White speaks up over the growing tension, earning everyone’s attentions just as easily as a captain would, “ The evidence we’ve been given is strongly against you, if you cannot get a solid, trust worthy alibi in the next three minutes then we’ll have no choice but to eject you.”

“But Black hasn’t even said where the body was! How are you certain it was me?!” Ein roars back with defiance, a scowl directed towards the silver haired male whom has lead us all up to this point with narrowed blue-green eyes as rugged as raw jasper, “Fine, you want the truth? I’ll tell you the truth! I left Cyan to start up the reactor! The last time I saw Cyan alive and well was when she was talking to Black!”

“Don’t try and blame your murder on me Blue. You’re the last person I saw with her while I was on cameras. Shortly after I saw you two together, Cyan turned up dead in the lower engine room! That’s not just a coincidence! You killed your partner in cold blood and tried to cover your absence by pairing up with someone who was partner-less at the time!” X’s argument was too valid to be over looked, and oddly specific too.

“You’re lying! You’re the one who killed her!!” Ein’s retort is desperate, realization setting in whenever our tablets begin to ding for a vote.

“I could be, “ X pauses to cast his vote against Ein, “But you could be lying too. This situation is more of who do I trust more right now, Blue or Black.”

If X is telling the truth, and Ein truly is the impostor then... Timidly I press the icon for Ein, hitting the green check mark that appears to cast my vote. In a flash the votes are tallied, majority voting for Ein while the rest, such as Pink and Green who vote for X. After the vote were tallied, White and Orange grab a hold of Ein, dragging him to the airlock without hesitation. The entire way there, Ein struggles, shouting and yelling to me to stop them, but I know I can’t. Begrudgingly, I force myself to turn away, covering my ears with trembling hands. Why is this happening? What did we do to deserve this? Despite my covered ears I could still hear Ein’s shouts, the cries for justice only stopping when the air lock opens to release him into space.

Blue was ejected.

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