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#san angst
orshii · 21 hours
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Tempted (our little secret)
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Author: orshii
Pairing: Choi San x female reader
Word count: 3,2 k
Summary: You were secretly with San, but you weren’t in a relationship, as you didn’t want your friends to know. But slowly the two of you get tired of the constant hiding and confusing emotions.
Will you be able to make the next big step?
A/N: Hii! Soo...San drives me crazy recently, so I had to write this...something ig? Like just bfr why is he so perfect?! Okay, enough of me, enjoy this little drabble! sorry if there are mistakes, ty for reading, xoxo, orshii! (divider)
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I was sitting in a black Uber with the girls, on our way to celebrate Yunho's birthday party, which was a surprise for him, organized by his girlfriend, who was my best friend. She was so excited the whole week, as everything needed to be in its place, annoying me the whole time, as Yunho can't find out no matter what. She was really determined to organize this little get-together with our friends' circle.
As I was sitting in the car, I got excited too because we haven't been together for at least a month. I missed being with my friends, as everyone was occupied by their own life, work taking most of our time. This little friend group of ours started in college, as my best friend got together with Yunho with a lot of ups and downs, they both being very obvious but blind. So, when they finally got together, Yunho's friend group and ours started to go out a lot of times, organizing a lot of random trips into the mountains, going on holidays together. As we graduated, luckily, our friend group stayed the same, but with less hanging out. I felt some kind of relief as we were heading to the fancy restaurant, where my best friend reserved tables.
We stepped out from the Uber after paying the driver and thanking him for the ride. The sun already went down, leaving behind nothing but the lights of the city, which came to life with the people going out to party or just to have some fun in the city, as the weather was very nice, the beginning of summer swinging in the chill air.
I pulled down a little the black tight dress I was wearing, as it was a little short, and adjusted the gift I bought for Yunho, as I couldn't come empty-handed, and we went into the restaurant, which was all luxurious and fancy, black being the main color of the area, with a spark of gold. It really screamed rich vibes. I had no idea how my best friend managed to reserve a table for ten people in this place, but I guess she had her own ways for that. At the entrance, a lady waited for us with a bright fake smile, as we told her that we had a reservation. She showed the way towards the said table; some of the guys were already there, but Yunho and my best friend weren't yet, as I assumed they were coming when supposedly everyone was here. The table was already set, some candles and little sparkling decorations were on it. It looked very inviting; I'm sure Yunho is going to like it.
As I sat down, next to the girls, I made eye contact with him. He was glaring at me with his sharp eyes, taking me in, up and down, as a little smile appeared on his lips, his dimples showing. He was wearing a white elegant shirt, with two buttons undone, his sharp collarbones on the sight and a chain-like necklace around his neck, that almost reached his collarbones. His raven-black hair wiped back, only a few stripes falling into his forehead. I greeted the others as I immediately averted my eyes off of him. I didn't want to be suspicious. We started to chat with the girls, trying to catch up on the things we missed in each other's lives, some old wines appearing on the table, brought by the waiter, whom I made eye contact a few times; he was cute and handsome. I felt two sharp glares on me from time to time, but I just didn't mind him. I came here to have fun.
After a while, finally, Yunho and my best friend came, Yunho had a blindfold on his eyes, so he couldn't see us, and when they came to the table, he took off the blindfold and we started clapping and singing for him. I felt happy as everyone was smiling at Yunho, and him being so surprised and emotional because of the sweet surprise. He leaned towards my best friend and pecked her lips, with the sweetest and happiest smile, as their foreheads touched and they whispered something to each other, probably Yunho thanking his beautiful girlfriend for organizing all of this. I was so happy seeing them like this, it made my heart melt, as I saw how deeply in love, they were with each other. That's what I wished for all my life, as it didn't really come, yet. I was confused all my life, of when love will come into my life, will it eventually come?
I was still confused as we finally sat down, and I made eye contact with San, who was a really special person in my life. We weren't together, but we weren't total strangers to each other. The thing is, we kind of had a thing going on between the two of us; we just didn’t really know what it was. We still needed to figure it out, so we decided not to tell our friends until we somehow figured it out on our own, not letting others interrupt our feelings. Because I'm sure there were feelings, some feelings I couldn't put anywhere. That was sure, I never felt like this towards anyone, but I wasn't exactly sure if it was only a tidal wave. And I wasn't sure if San felt the same way, or if he even felt something.
The ominous dramatic night when he kind of confessed to me in the rain still made my heart melt, as we had a brutal fight before that, and we were yelling at each other, but it was because of some childish things. We were yelling at each other in the pouring rain, just until he grabbed my hands and yanked me towards him and told me the sweetest things, he could ever say to me. And suddenly I was lost in the tide of emotions, fear being my biggest enemy as I didn't know if it was a good thing being with him. But I couldn't really think a lot because he suddenly pressed his lips against my wet lips, and we were just standing in the rain, soaked, taking in the other’s lips like we could never imagine. His wet lips moving against mine, I could taste the raindrops on his lips, which kind of tasted sweet, as everything that connected me with San always tasted sweet like honey. When we separated, he promised me, he is going to protect me from the world, no matter what. From then, we were hanging out, he took me to special places, we made out a lot, we even slept together. We had times when we were with our friends and we secretly kissed each other, hiding behind trees, going out to the bathroom, him coming after me, almost getting caught in the heated moments by our friends. We did this for months and I kind of started to get enough of this hiding. But the thing is, I felt like it was only a friends with benefits kind of relationship. We didn't really speak about ourselves when we were together; it felt strange as it was supposed to drive us towards a real relationship, but sometimes it felt awkward, and sometimes it felt like the most natural thing ever, just being with him, and not exactly speaking, just being in each other's presence. I really wanted it to be something more serious between us, but I didn’t really see the signs that it could happen anytime.
Being in the present time, I tried to have fun and talk with my friends a lot, I missed them and felt nice being with them and pretending we were again in college, not having any adult problems in our lives. After some drinking and eating, Yunho's birthday cake was brought to the table with big candles and sparklers on it. Yunho looked sincerely happy and my best friend looked at him, with loving eyes, as Yunho closed his eyes to wish something and blew out the candles.
My eyes eventually found San's again, as they couldn't be apart from each other for a long time, I tried to avoid his gaze all night, but it wasn't easy, as I felt his sharp eyes on me all the time. He glared at me and tilted his head very slowly, nodding towards the bathroom. My heart started to race quickly to that as I slowly slid my chair back and excused myself to the bathroom.
When I reached the ladies bathroom, no one was here, so I just stood right in front of the mirror to check if my lip-gloss was smudged from eating. Then I heard the door opening, a few quiet footsteps, and I felt two warm hands around my waist, pulling me closer to his chest, as he was glaring at me through the mirror in front of us. His dark cherry scent hugged me around, like it never wanted me to escape. He slowly nuzzled his nose into the side of my neck, following the line of my veins, as I tilted it so he had better access to it, still glaring at me through the mirror.
"God, I missed your smell." His low voice sent goosebumps around my body, as he smelled my neck, pulling me closer by my waist, as he couldn't get enough of me. He started to kiss the line of my neck up to my ear and slowly biting my earlobe, I shot my eyes closed as my body started to feel hotter, he slowly turned me around, still holding me close, not letting any space between us.
"This dress looks really good on you, Y/N." He traced the line of my sides, where the dress showed my hourglass shape. "You look beautiful." He reached his hand to my chin holding it between his fingers, to look into his eyes, as I couldn't really look into his, when he looked at me like he could eat me right there. He probably wasn't too far from that.
"Thank you." I whispered into his lips. "You look good, as well." I smiled at him teasingly.
He finally smiled, his sharp glare disappearing, as his eyes formed crescents, his deep dimples showing on both sides of his cheeks. "I dressed up only for you." He said with a sweet smile, cupping my face.
I chuckled at that, how could he be so adorable, I can't take this forever. "If you keep doing that, I'm going to die, Sannie." I said smiling at him fondly, feeling as happiness crawled into my veins with every passing minute as I was with him.
"Doing what?" He chuckled as it made my heart more and more warm.
"Being cute, don't do that." I pouted at him.
"Do you want me to be rough?" His voice dropped a few octaves, as he frowned. It always amazed me, how he could switch from being a little adorable cat, to a buffed, scary man. It was insane. He slowly pushed me against the sink, my lower back stinging from the impact.
"San-ah!" I hit his chest, chuckling, as I felt my face getting warmer.
"C'mon, I just want to kiss, my girl." He whined with a pout on his lips.
"Then do it, you idiot." I smiled at him, as I started to get very impatient. He grabbed my waist again and pulled me closer, so he could kiss me finally. I really missed his lips on mine, and just being with him, as we recently both were full with work, we couldn’t really focus on each other. Our lips moved together desperate, not wanting to separate, he tasted like the wine that he drank, I could feel the grapes that were harvested from a big dry Italian field. His lips moved with mine with passion, his hands running up my back to my nape, pushing me forward just to deepen the kiss, I let out a quiet moan at that. When we ran out of oxygen he captured my lower lip between his teeth, biting it so hard I felt like my lower lip is going to bleed if he keeps doing that. My body started to heat, the tension between us getting warmer and warmer. I was very tempted to let him do anything he wanted right there. He slowly started to kiss my jaw, going down my neck leaving sweet passionate kisses on the way, until he reached my collarbone, just to suck a little red mark there. His grip on my waist tightening with the tension getting heavier between us.
“San, they are going to see it.” I ran my fingers through his hair, pulling him up to look into his eyes serious.
“I don’t care, I want them to see that you are mine.” He looked at me sharply, the desire in his eyes burning like hell.
He was about to kiss me again, when suddenly we heard talking from the door and we quickly separated from each other just to rush into one of the stalls. I locked the door quickly.
"Stand on the toilet, so they won't see your shoes." I whispered to him feeling nervous of being caught.
He quickly stood up on the toilet which made a weird noise. We looked at each other and started laughing quietly as I pressed my hands to my mouth so I won't make a noise, San did the same as I saw that tears started to appear in his eyes, from the withholding laughter. At the exact same time, the door opened and we heard talking. It was two of the girls, from our friend groups. I leaned my head against the door, and tried to think of some serious things, so I won't laugh.
"Y/N, is that you?" I heard a voice coming from outside after a while. "Are you okay?" My eyes rounded, I started to panic, suddenly words couldn’t come out of my mouth but San nudged me to say something.
"Ahm…Ye-Yes, I'm okay, I just have cramps, but I'll be right back." I said with my voice a bit weak, as they needed to believe what I said. I locked my eyes with San’s as he was struggling to hold his laughter back.
"Okay, tell me if you need anything." My friend said.
"Okay." I answered my voice getting a little weird, as I couldn’t hold my laughter, but they already left the bathroom and I broke into laughter alongside with San. I sighed in relief and leaned against the door, closing my eyes, trying to calm down.
"Fuck, we almost got caught." I whispered, not looking at San. I heard as he slowly jumped off from the toilet and cupped my face.
"What if we don't hide anymore? I'm sick of this constant running when one of our friends are around. At the end of the day, they are our friends." He said still whispering for some reason.
I looked at him, as my heart started to race on the thought of finally being together with San, properly. It surprised me because I would never have thought that San would be the first to take the first step in our relationship. Sure, he was the one confessing to me, but after that it kind of seemed like he was waiting for me, so I could decide what I wanted.
"Really? Do you think we can finally step on the next level? Is it serious for you?" I asked him, feeling a bit nervous, as this question could never leave my mind.
"Of course it is, it was from the beginning, I was just waiting for you, so you could put together the puzzles in your head, as I knew you had a hard time back then," he said smiling at me like I was his whole world.
I held his wrists, that held my face. "Why are you so perfect?" I questioned him, with a smile.
He shrugged with a chuckle. "I don't know, God made me like this, I guess." He smiled, as his face got serious slowly. "But seriously, I want to be with you, properly. I don't want to hide anymore, I want to show you to the world, I want to show everyone that I have the most beautiful woman on Earth, and I don't want anybody near you, just me." His voice was sweet like honey, as his words flowed through my lips, into my heart, as I felt my heart swimming in nothing but honey.
I sincerely smiled at him. "I want to be with you too, San. I want to show our friends how proud I am of you, I always needed to just smile, whenever you talked about your job achievements, but now I want the whole world to know that how proud I am of my Sannie and that I’m right by your side." My smile never disappeared as my eyes sparkled, sweet emotions flowing around us like sweet protectors.
He looked at me, like he couldn't believe his eyes, like he couldn't believe the fact that I was his, wholeheartedly. He closed the distance between our lips, and kissed me like never before, like I was the last thing he cared about, like we were the last standing human beings on earth and the end of the world was near. His lips moved along with mine like it was destined for each other, like it was made for each other. The kiss was slow and passionate, his hands still cupping my cheeks, his right hand slowly tracing down my spine just to grab my waist and pull me closer to him. Our heartbeats were beating with the same rhythm as they became one with us.
"Will you be officially my girlfriend and partner in crime, Y/N?" He caressed my cheeks with loving eyes, after we separated from the best kiss of my life. And how many were waiting for me still.
"Of course I will, San." I smiled at him sweetly, as he leaned again towards my lips, capturing it like he wanted to stamp our promise to each other.
"I would've never thought this is going to be the place when we are going to make our next big step." I said overflowed with happy emotions.
We laughed at our situation and stepped out from the stall finally, leaving our concerns about each other behind. All the concerns and the bad feelings of not being able to be together with San flew away as I saw how San was looking at me, his eyes were full with care, full with love, that made my heart melt.
We left the bathroom hand in hand, so we could finally introduce each other to our friends as boyfriend and girlfriend, many big steps still awaited us in our future together.
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hwaslayer · 3 months
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crimson (cs) | one shot.
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—summary: life has always revolved around the club, the money, the clients— that is, until a first-time experience changes everything for san, for you; causing lines to be blurred, boundaries that are crossed. he didn’t think he’d get wrapped around your finger, falling deep into your spell. after all, he did become your number one client.
—pairing: choi san x stripper!reader
—genre: (18+ - minors dni) strangers to lovers, nightclub au | smut, angst
—word count: 21.8k
—content/warnings: cussing/mature language, heavy on the night club/strip club setting, lap dances, oc doesn’t remove her clothing by choice but is a little more hands on with her clients at the club, alcohol consumption/intoxication, san’s got some baggage with his ex, mentions of a toxic past relationship, mentions of severed relationships with loved ones, protected/unprotected sex, praising, making out, one shower together hehe, missionary, doggy style wooof, cowgirl, sprinkle of spit play, clit play, breast play, mentions of marking, ass slapping, mentions of men getting touchy at the club, fighting (some pushing and a few punches), arguments, flashback scenes, not all ateez members are present - only mingi, san, wooyoung, hongjoong and jongho
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—on rotation: agora hills - doja cat | anywhere - 112 | all night long - thuy & lil kev | IT’s you - wooyoung, san & yeosang
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He became your number one client. 
Quick.
You remember the first time he stepped into the club with his friends, eyes roaming the floor until they landed on yours. You hadn’t expected the group to walk in when they did— the club being pretty dead lately, with the usual, familiar men walking in to let off some steam, to get their fix. You could tell it was the first time they’d ever walked into a strip club with the way they paused near the entrance, not really knowing where to go or how to get settled from there. One of his friends took the lead and walked towards the main stage, his hesitancy obvious with how stiff and awkward he was as he sat on one of the velvet chairs closest to the stage. You hadn’t really paid much mind to them at first, especially him. You had been busy on the other end of the stage, but his eyes had been glued on you the entire time.
That solely piqued your interest. 
He sunk into the chair comfortably, manspreading as his hands rested on his legs. He stared at you with his cat-like eyes, almost pleading for you to come closer and entertain him while his friends were busy tossing bills at your coworker on the right side of the stage. 
He didn’t budge.
You strutted over, initially planning to tease him a bit; play around, work with his ways to give him something to remember. Little did you know that taking the first leap, giving him that attention, was going to change everything between you and this stranger.
Everything.
▹ FLASHBACK
You step in front of the pole, sliding down until you get to a crouch– making sure your legs are spread enough for him to see the itty bitty fabric from your bodysuit barely covering your parts. You can see him subtly bite onto his bottom lip as he leans forward, elbows resting on his knees. You get a little closer, getting onto your knees to crawl towards him; ass posted up in the air while you keep your eyes glued onto him. You’re close enough to the point where he can slip a few dollars into the v-neck of your bodysuit.
And he does, adorning that pretty smirk of his; pearly whites peeking through those pink, plump lips.
“Atta boy!” You hear one of his friends yell. “San’s finally enjoying himself!”
“Dude’s got heart eyes. Look at him. Mesmerized as shit.” Another of his friends laughs before continuing to shower the right side of the stage with bills.
San was his name.
San.
“Gorgeous.” You hear him mutter as you continue to work the stage, eyes glued onto him with every move— every twirl, every dip, every roll, you make. His eyes are taking note of every detail, every tattoo that lines your arm, down to your hip and thigh. Because he wants to study you, all of you.
“It’s his birthday, give him something special!” You glide down the pole before stepping off the stage to greet the men sitting around. It was a normal routine for you, a way to initiate flirty conversations and take men back to a VIP booth for lap dances— lap dances that could easily earn you rent in one night. 
A few of your regulars are sitting around, waiting for some kind of touch, attention. Which, you easily give through running your hand down their chests, whispering sweet nothings as they tuck a few more dollars under your bodysuit. 
Throughout all of this, San is still focused on you.
So, you make your way back to him; his friends are still loudly proclaiming he’s the birthday boy that needs a little gift tonight. And lucky for him, you’re feeling rather generous— especially with the way San buckles around you, pleading, begging, for more of your attention since he walked through the door.
“Is it really your birthday?” You crouch in front of him, hands traveling up his thighs while you lick your lips and bite onto your bottom lip.
“Yeah, it is.” He swallows the lump in his throat when your hands brush against his belt.
“Please give him a private dance.” The same friend from earlier says. He has short black hair with a mole underneath his eye, black button-up exposing his honey skin underneath. He slips you a few hundred bills, a smirk plastered on his face when you meet his gaze. You gladly take the money and stuff it into your bodysuit, grabbing San’s hand as you lead him to the VIP area.
“You didn’t have to.”
“You come to a strip club on your birthday and try to deny a lap dance? That your friend paid for? Odd.” You tease as you push him against another velvet couch. The VIP booths are off to the side of the club, with red mood lights and cringy, dark red velvet curtains draping the front to provide privacy. The booths are small, intimate; just enough space for you to work the pole and be all up on San.
“I mean, I just—” He chokes on his words as he plops onto the couch. “You’re a busy woman, it seems.”
“I am.” You straddle his lap. “But, I can make time for birthday boys, too.”
“That’s nice to know.” His eyes carefully watch your every move. Your hands travel down his neck, down to his tie— tugging on it as you start to bodyroll against the music, against him, making sure San feels you. “Fuck.” He mutters under his breath. You watch as he reaches, but prevents himself from touching your thighs; afraid he’d be crossing a line even though, technically speaking, those lines have been blurred since he walked into the club.
“It’s okay, San.” You reassure him with a whisper, lips almost grazing his ear. His eyes meet yours just as you pull back and bounce on him a bit, hands caressing up and down his chest. You continue to work him slowly, taking your sweet time to make San feel appreciated, to make San feel like he’s had the best birthday in years.
“You know my name?” He says, hands comfortably coming up your body, giving your breasts a squeeze. His hand runs up your neck, to your jaw— gently forcing you to keep eye contact with him as you continue to dance on him. He’s entranced by you that he doesn’t really know what else to say, or how to react. But god, do you feel amazing on him. That body, too?
Heavenly.
“Your friends have been yelling it all night.” You stand and straddle him in the opposite direction, legs wrapped around his torso as you lean forward and bounce on his dick a little more. San can’t help but run his hands down your ass, giving it a good squeeze before you come back up and pry yourself off of him to head to the pole in front of him.
“Fair enough. What’s your name then, beautiful?” You look at him, ignoring the question at first. But, San feels a little different than your usual customers, feels a bit more personal even though you don’t know anything about him nor does he know anything about you. It’s the way that he looks at you, focused on your face, your every move. It’s the way that it’s a room full of dancers and he’s stuck on you. Most men are in the club to fill a void; seeking for quick satisfaction, something that’ll eventually blow over until the next visit. But, it’s nothing more than that. You are nothing more than a dancer, nothing more than a face on stage— someone who collects their bills and runs.
But to San, you feel different.
Before you look into him too deeply, you quickly snap out of it and begin to twirl around the pole, doing your usual pole routine when you’re in the VIP booth. You fall into a split, hand coming down from the pole, down to your body.
San follows.
“My name?” You repeat, and San nods.
“Is that not a normal question here?”
“No one ever gives out their real names here.” You chuckle.
“Then, what’s your stage name?” Time passes when you’re dancing. Usually, you give them 30 mins tops, 45 mins if they keep sending big bills your way. But, you never try to spend more than that with the same person. Not in this community. With the hundreds San’s friend handed you, you would’ve stopped at 15 minutes if this were anyone else.
You’re closing in 20– probably will be 30 when you blink— but you don’t really wanna stop giving San this attention. He’s attractive, fitting his button-up and slacks in all the right places. He has black short hair, a few strands draping over his forehead, a pretty Rolex sitting on his wrist. You think he could handle you if you gave him the chance, and the thought is enough to make your brain short-circuit.
“Crimson.” He smirks, running his finger across his bottom lip while he continues to watch you bounce your ass on the stage. He thinks you’re the most beautiful thing he’s ever laid eyes on— the bodysuit doing your body wonders as it makes his mind wander to the unknown.
To what you would look like naked, to have you underneath him, to have you calling his name.
He’s been glued to you from the start and he’s not sure what kind of spell you have him under, but he wants more.
“Crimson.” He repeats, the stage name dripping off his tongue like water. “Are you here every night?”
“Maybe, maybe not.” You twirl with a smirk on your face.
“Come on, don’t do that.” He leans back, head resting against the couch as his hands rest on his thighs.
“Why would it matter?”
“I wouldn’t wanna come back if you weren’t here.” You giggle, stepping away from the pole and slotting yourself back in between his legs at a crouch.
“There’s plenty of other amazing dancers, you know? I don’t make the club.”
“You’re right, you don’t. But, it’s not them I’m asking about.” Your hands travel back up his legs, your face inches away from his dick. You swear you hear him hiss a bit the minute your face glides over, planting small, chaste kisses against his clothed stomach right above the belt. 
“I’m here 4 days a week.”
“What days?” You stand, bending to whisper in his ear. His hand comes up to graze your thigh and hip, shivers shooting down his spine when you respond with:
“I guess you’ll have to find out.” Because now, San takes it as a challenge and he’s determined to figure out which nights you’re here. Initially, he agreed to this whole thing thinking it’d be a one-and-done— a birthday done differently after all these past years only to become an after-thought as time goes on. But now, he wants more of you, all of you; wants to keep seeing you, feeling you, touching you, seeing you dance for him and him only.
He’s not sure what kind of spell you have him under, but he wants more.
You look at him once more, tipping his chin with your finger before dipping forward. You only give him enough so that the tips of your noses brush against each other, enough to tease but not please the birthday boy on his special night. 
“See you soon, Sannie. Happy birthday.” You whisper before turning on your heels and leaving him in the VIP booth to return to the stage. San has to gather himself for a minute, loosening the buttons on his shirt and his tie and adjusting his pants before heading back out to his friends.
“So?! How was it?” Wooyoung leans over on the chair right after he greets another dancer making her rounds across the floor.
“Good.” 
“He’s red in the face.” Mingi laughs. “It was more than good.”
“Say thank you for the best birthday ever, Wooyoung.” Wooyoung teases and San can’t help but shake his head. He’s still lost in thought, eyes subtly scanning the room to find you but you are busy taking new customers into the VIP booth. The room feels hot, and he wishes he could be in the VIP booth with you, alone. He truly wished it never ended. “Let’s head to the bar and get more drinks.” San shrugs and follows along, the 4 of them heading into the bar where the music is louder, and other dancers are flooding the area.
As the night goes on, you’ve finished tending to your regulars— already knowing what they want, what they need, but making your boundaries clear every time they try to step over the line and take advantage of your generosity tonight. By the end of your shift, it’s 3am and you’re exhausted. Your feet are hurting from the platform heels you’re sporting. It’s crazy how after all this time as a dancer, you still aren’t used to the heels you have to throw on, excited to dip your feet in a hot, lavender foot bath when you get home. You change back into your casual sweats and matching hoodie, throwing the hood over your head as you bid farewell to your coworkers and step out the back door into the cold, crisp night. When you cross the alley to get onto the main road, there are a few gentlemen standing around, some smoking their cigarettes while chatting with their friends.
Usually, no one causes you trouble. From time to time, your usuals are drunk and babbling nonsense about how they wish they could take you home, show you ‘a new world.’ But, no one ever gets handsy, no one ever forces themselves on you. For the most part, they know what this is, they know at the end of the night this is nothing but a temporary fantasy— one you fulfill for a specific time frame before the new day dawns and things go back to normal, to routine.
Tonight, it’s a bit different.
“Yo, isn’t that the dancer?” You hear a familiar voice as you cross through the alley, passing by a big group on your way. They seem to be tending to a friend who has gotten sloppily drunk, yacking their brains out off to the side of the club. 
“Aye cutie, going home already? Wanna give the birthday boy more love?” Another friend questions after he pulls the cigarette from in between his lips and exhales. “Bro, Mingi. Hurry up and get your sloppy ass together. It’s fucking cold.” He scolds their incredibly drunk friend afterwards.
“Hongjoong.” You hear San call for his friend. You do nothing but give them a simple look as you continue to walk on, trying not to feed them any attention. As attractive as San is, you are too tired to deal with this right now. After all, you are just a dancer. What more could you be to him? You temporarily feed into their fantasies, nothing more, nothing less.
“What, it’s a simple question. You never know, she might be down.” 
“Sorry.” San apologizes on his behalf, his eyes red and glazed from the alcohol.
“Not down?” Hongjoong asks again, his eyes now glued onto you.
“No, I’m not.” You respond, walking backwards to maintain eye contact. 
“Aw, why not?” Honey-skin with the black-button up chimes in. “He’s single. He could use it.”
“The fuck? Not helping.” San looks at his friend and taps him on the chest, making him bust out into a loud laugh.
“I don’t do that. Nothing beyond the club. Sorry to disappoint.” You smile at them before walking off onto the main street.
“Can he at least escort you home?!” They call out as you cross the street, making you roll your eyes as you continue the journey home all by yourself.
▹ END
Since then, there’s been a new addition to your regulars. One particularly more intriguing than the rest. You didn’t really believe Mia when she told you the familiar face came on your days off, asking the bartender if you were dancing tonight. He came, and he came, until he figured out the exact 4 days you worked. To say you were surprised would be an understatement because why on earth was San actually looking for you?
Why was he actually trying to figure out your schedule?
Did he really want to see you, or were you just his favorite dancer? Was he too shy to get close to the other dancers [at a strip club]?
It’s been a couple of weeks and San still comes. But, you’ve pushed the questions to the back of your mind; taking his visits with a grain of salt. You weren’t sure you’d pry anyway, afraid you’d be reading into this too much. After all, you are just a dancer.
What more could you be to him? You temporarily feed into their fantasies, nothing more, nothing less.
“Babe, your man is here.” Mia peeks into the dressing room, her head popping in from the doorway.
“He is not my man.” You give her a look, but she giggles and smirks before turning.
“Hurry that ass up, he seems anxious.” She calls out just before she heads back out to the main floor. You roll your eyes, dabbing more lip gloss on your lips before heading back out onto the floor. As promised, San sits in that same chair you met him during his first night at the club while Wooyoung [you’ve come to learn] lingers near the stage. Wooyoung is already entertaining another dancer, taking every opportunity to slip a few bills underneath her bikini top. 
To tease San a bit, you come up from behind up, trailing your hands down his chest while your lips ghost his ear. He turns slightly just for some sort of confirmation, though he’s already studied your body— down to the way you move, the way you tease.
“San.” You call his name. “Should I still be surprised that you’re here again?”
“You tell me.” He smirks, that pretty smile of his slowly becoming a weakness for you. “I’m just here to get my fix.” He winks, even though he really just wants to see you and be alone with you again.
“Get in line.” You tease. San immediately holds up a few bills, eyes darting from yours to your cleavage in that incredibly tiny silver bikini top you have on.
“Should I?” He subtly bites onto his bottom lip as he slips the money right into your top. You playfully roll your eyes and lead the way to a VIP booth, San undoing his cuffs and rolling up his sleeves just about halfway up his forearm. Truthfully, yes, it’s been a long day [week, even] and he’s needing a release; wanting to let out some steam. But, he’s also excited he could do that with you and only you. He watches your hips sway as you walk and wait for him to enter the booth, shutting the curtain close so that it’s just you and him underneath the red mood lighting. 
You step onto the stage; twirling around the pole before you bounce your ass on the stage. San watches intently, eyes glued to your bottom half when you spread your legs and show him how much those bottoms aren’t doing shit for you.
He is so, so curious. 
He takes note of every detail of your body, studying it over and over again like a book. And god, he wants to do everything and nothing all at once— stuck between wanting to get his hands all over you and doing nothing just to admire your pretty face, your figure. San felt like maybe this was just a phase, a new, exciting experience in his life that’ll soon fizzle out.
But when San looks at you, he can’t agree. He’s not sure what kind of spell you have him under, but he wants more.
He leans back onto the couch, his head resting against the edge as he manspreads. He licks his lips while watching your hands travel down your chest, your stomach. 
“Why are you so far?” He questions, motioning for you to come closer. Your bikini top and bottom are still driving him crazy, and he’s certain he’ll lose his shit once you sit on his lap.
“So eager tonight?”
“Just been a rough week.”
“I’m sure, as with everyone else here.”
“Am I just everyone else?” You let out a small chuckle, straddling his lap. His hands immediately come up to cup your ass, giving it a good squeeze before you start to work your hips on him. He’s gotten pretty comfortable by now, though San still shoots you a look as if it’s his way of asking for permission first. You appreciate the little things, and San most definitely isn’t just like everyone else. But, as with any defense mechanism, you resort to a guarded response:
“I mean, you’re here at ungodly hours tipping girls for a dance.” He lets out a small laugh, strong hands now at your hips. 
“Mm, I really only come for my favorite though. You might know her?” He jokes, his face only inches away from yours. 
“Do I?” You follow along with his teasing. The strap to your bikini top falls off your shoulder and San’s eyes follow; the small room feeling 10 degrees hotter, pants a little tighter. 
“Mhm.” He hums, his finger tracing a line up your leg. “She has tattoos just like this lining her thigh—“ He moves it up to your hip. “Up her hip.” His thumb comes up to your lip. “Pretty lips just like that. Long lashes. Prettiest smile I’ve seen.” His face moves towards your neck, lips grazing the surface below your ear. “Mole on the neck.” You subtly bite onto your bottom lip. San’s hand brushes up against your breast before he touches the small mole on your neck.
“Sounds like a lot of the girls around here.”
“Mm, but the one I’m thinking of goes by the stage name Crimson.” You continue to tease, bounce on him a little more, shake ass a little more. Your eyes linger on him a bit longer than you’d like, and you find yourself retracting. To him, the room is probably degrees hotter— for you, it’s starting to feel suffocating.
“She’s nothing but a ‘lil dancer, San.” You whisper in his ear, lips brushing against the surface before you hop off his lap. San is a little confused at the sudden change, but you feel like you’re reading too much into this, too much into San.
This isn’t supposed to be anything but business.
Why would San ever want you in that way? Most of this is to fulfill a want, a need, a fantasy. San is most likely saying this to get what he wants, to take charge and lead you on.
Though, at the end of the night, you are nothing but a face, a dancer. He wouldn’t think about you past the club. That is where this ends, regardless. 
You give San one last look before you brush past the curtain, returning to the stage closest to the bar. Wooyoung is getting dragged to a VIP booth, his other friends now standing and gathering around the stage to get up close and personal to the girls currently on there. You make a beeline to the stage near the bar, the area being a little more dead than the main stage room.
Right before you hop on stage, Mia is delivering drinks to a few men off to the side of the room. She shoots you a look, following after handing over the drinks.
“Why are you rushing? Did something happen?” You wait for the bartender to hand you some water.
“Nothing happened.” You sip a bit to shake off your thoughts, your feelings.
“You sure? I’ll beat someone’s ass if you need me to and call security to toss them out.”
“I promise.” You look at her and squeeze her arm. “I’m just gonna stick here for the rest of the night, though. Need a change of pace.” She nods.
“Alright, if you say so. I’m still onto you.” She says, leaving you to help the bartender with delivering the drinks.
For the rest of the night, you continue to dodge San and his friends until the end of your shift. You don’t usually leave through the front doors of the club, but tonight, you sneak out and rush across the street with your hood up. You can hear San and his friends as they leave, causing you to pick up the pace of your steps— hoping you’ll avoid being caught.
But, San sees you, anyway. His eyes can’t help but watch for a few seconds more before he’s returning his attention back to the boys. He felt the shift earlier, and he picked up on the way you continued to hop from stage to stage— seemingly avoiding their group. He’s not sure what happened, or why he feels like you’ve suddenly got your guard back up around him. It’s something about you, and San knows it shouldn’t be that serious. This became a fun little past-time for him and his boys. But every time he’s left the club recently, he leaves a little bit more attached to you.
Because yes, you know how to work your magic in there. It’s no fucking joke. He gets a taste of you on stage, in the booth, and it blows his mind. But other than that, it’s the way you return the same look, the same touch. There’s something else, more to you than the surface, and he’s curious to find out.
It shouldn’t be that serious, but for San, it is.
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“What’s wrong?” Jongho pushes a small coffee your way, cocking a brow when he sees how checked out you seem today.
“W-what?” You look at him, finally pulled out of your daze. “Oh, nothing.” You grab the cup and take a sip, giving him a tiny toothless smile of appreciation. “Thank you.”
“Sure.” He sets his coffee onto the side of the cart, helping you unbox a few albums that arrived today and needed to be restocked on the shelves. “So, really. What is it?” He asks, eyes still focused on restocking. Jongho has been one of your closest friends— probably the only closest, genuine friend that stuck by your side since you were younger. He still keeps in touch with the group you grew up with since middle school, but lots of those relationships have been severed after you started dancing at the club. Jongho was the only one who didn’t see you any differently, nor did he take the job as anything bad. He always knew you were passionate about dance and he understood you when times got tough; strapped on cash and needing a quick fix that would help you get by. It was a bit of a risky, somewhat dangerous step, but who was Jongho to control your life? You already didn’t have a great relationship with your parents, so the least Jongho can do is support you and be your pillar if no one else would be. He knew you could make your own decisions, and only you knew yourself best. He knew you’d take care of yourself, whatever that looked like.
Jongho was the manager at this small, quaint music shop in the city. Though, the city you lived in wasn’t entirely huge compared to others. It still had its old-school touch of wooden, soft decor with a rage of vintage to mainstream albums and art throughout the shop. The owner was a middle-aged man who used to play in a band back in the days, now retired and trying to stay in touch with his roots through the shop. Jongho had worked here for years before stepping into the full-time manager position and helped bring you on, especially during the time you needed it the most.
You really appreciate Jongho, and you’re glad you at least have him.
“Sometimes, I feel like I should’ve just finished school.”
“You did. High school?”
“College.” Jongho shrugs when you respond and give him a look.
“If it wasn’t what you wanted to do at the time, then why force yourself? Besides, it’s never too late. You can always go back to school.” He turns to you and places a hand on his hip. “Why are you thinking about this all of a sudden?”
“I don’t really know. What if they were right? What if I’m not good for anything besides being a stripper? What if I’m just that?”
“You and I both know that’s not true.” Jongho tosses the empty box aside, triggering you to get it together and start doing your job. “You’re smart, talented, and passionate about a lot of things. Especially dance. Just because you work at a club doesn’t make you less of a person, Y/N.” He says in that usual serious tone of his.
“Thanks.” You poke your bottom lip out as you arrange the albums and start tagging the price stickers onto them.
“Who is it?” You sigh, already knowing Jongho won’t leave it alone until you finally tell him the truth about why you’re suddenly questioning your life.
“It’s the same guy I told you about. The birthday boy.” Jongho does a tiny nod of acknowledgement.
“He’s still showing up with his friends?”
“Yeah, surprisingly. And he always looks for me. Asks for me. Doesn’t pay attention to any other dancer there.”
“Maybe he has a crush on you.”
“We know nothing about each other. He knows my stage name, he knows my club persona.” You sigh. “That’s why it made me question life. It’s dumb, I know.” You purse your lips together as you shove the albums into the shelf and move onto the next task.
“Well, there has to be a reason why he keeps coming back for you and only you. Maybe he wants to know you, outside of the club and that whole persona thing.” Jongho shrugs. “Never say never.”
“He’s a businessman of some sort. Suited up all the time. He must work for a really good company. Probably has a family that is well off.” You shake your head and make your way back to the front. “It doesn’t make sense.”
“I wouldn’t say that. Why don’t you ask—“ At this point, just as you settle at the register with Jongho, a few people enter the shop. You whip your head towards the entrance when you hear some laughter, only for your eyes to widen.
“Oh, shit. Jongho!” You whisper harshly. “What the hell is he doing here?!” He looks over your shoulder as San and Wooyoung walk in, Wooyoung instantly making a turn to head to the vinyl collection.
“Is that birthday boy?” You nod with a worried expression on your face. San is about to walk past the register when he furrows his brows at the small commotion happening behind the counter, turning his attention towards you and Jongho.
“Too late dude, he’s right there.” Jongho blocks you from leaving. “It’d be too obvious now, just take it like a fucking champ and say hi.” He says through gritted teeth. “I gotta walk around anyways.” He turns to San enthusiastically. “Hey, welcome in.”
“Hey.” San looks at the both of you, his brows still furrowed when his eyes land on your face.
“Hi. Let me know if you need help.” You try to scurry off, but San stops you.
“Woah, wait. You’re—“
“Don’t say it outloud here.” San’s lips form into the shape of an ‘o’ before nodding. He can’t help but glaze over your features and how naturally beautiful you are– the sun hitting your skin perfectly. You never packed on the makeup heavily on stage, but you did still have a face on every time you worked at the club. He subtly nibbles onto his bottom lip, hands dug deep into his jacket pockets.
“You work here, too?”
“Makes up for the days I’m not there.” He nods.
“Well, hi.” He gives you a small smile.
“Hi.” You tilt your head. “I’ve never seen you around this part of the city. Ever.” He snorts a bit.
“We’re never usually on the outskirts, but Wooyoung was adamant about getting vinyls for his new record player. You guys are the only shop that has a good collection.” You nod, San stepping aside when a customer unloads their basket onto the counter. He lingers around, watching how delicate you are handling the merchandise and how big your smile is when helping the customer. As expected, you’re very different from the club— you seem more relaxed, laid back. Sweet. Happy.
“So, are you just gonna stand there and wait for Wooyoung?” You chuckle after wrapping up the transaction and handing the customer their bag, bidding farewell as they head out of the store.
“I don’t really need anything so, yeah. I guess so. I’d rather talk to you, anyway.” You give him a look and take the sticker gun in your hand, walking away from the counter when a coworker comes back from break to relieve you.
“I’m working.” You head back to the floor, San following behind.
“I know.” He watches as you begin to sort through another shipment. “Are you gonna tell me your name now that we’re outside of the club?”
“Why do you wanna learn my name so badly? And why are you always at the club? Don’t you have like.. other things to do? A girlfriend or someone to entertain?” You shiver at the thought. God, you hope not. Especially with how he’s been lately. But, men are trash and you wouldn’t expect any less.
“Because I do? You’re not just someone from the club.” You look at him briefly before looking back down at the stack of albums. “And no, I don’t have someone to entertain. I wouldn’t be there often if I did.” Touché. “We just had fun on my birthday. It’s a good way to let out some steam after busy days.”
“Hm.” You hum.
“I like seeing you there.” He casually says, making you pause in your actions before continuing. 
“I don’t make the club, San.”
“You make it for me. Or else I wouldn’t be going.” You look at him again with a hand on your hip. He has a small smirk plastered on his face and you can’t help but notice how attractive he looks under the daylight— smooth honey skin, hoodie over his head, soft black hair teasing his forehead. Your eyes linger on him for a lot longer than you’d like, having to force yourself to snap out of it when you realize [again] that San wouldn’t want you in that way.
“What are you trying to do here?” You cock a brow up just before you start working on the CDs in front of you, marking them down and adding new price tags to the back.
“Get to know you.”
“Why me?”
“Why not you?” San continues to smirk, leaning against the shelves. 
“Y/N, take your break in a few minutes.” Jongho says coming down the aisle before giving San a small, pursed smile.
“Yeah, Y/N.” San chimes in and teases. “Pretty name for a pretty girl.”
“You ready? I found what I needed—“ Wooyoung comes from around the corner, pausing mid-sentence when he realizes San isn’t alone. “Oh, hey! I wasn’t expecting to see you here.” Your eyes dart to Wooyoung and he smiles. “Wow, you’re really pretty in the daylight—“ San taps him on the chest. “What, I’m just saying! It’s hard to really see faces in the club lighting. Besides, I don’t get the privilege of having private—“
“Okay, that’s—yeah.” San cuts him off and scratches at his head. “Really sorry.”
“You ready?” You let out a sigh before asking Wooyoung. “I can ring you up at the other register before I head to break.”
“Yeah.” You lead them to the smaller checkout stand at the end of the aisle, scanning Wooyoung’s items and bagging up his things as he pays. Throughout the entire time, San is still watching you; subtly biting onto his bottom lip when he can’t help but think of the nights at the club, being intimately close with you— seeing you in a different light than this.
Which, he’s trying not to. He just can’t help it. You are beauty in its purest form, and he wishes he could know more about you.
And you don’t fail to notice. 
The look San has in his eyes is different from what you’re used to seeing at nighttime. It makes you nervous from the butterflies you feel, the curiosity running through your veins— even if the other thoughts in your mind say otherwise.
“Guess we’ll see you around?” Wooyoung smirks before walking out of the shop first.
“See you soon, Y/N.” Just before San walks out, you shut off the part of your brain that keeps spewing negativity and all these other ‘what if’s.’
“W-wait.” 
“Hm?” He hums, his hands in his pocket as he cocks a brow up. You begin to scribble your number down on a random receipt that was left behind, pushing it over to San shortly afterwards.
“Don’t ask for free dances or anything though, I’ll block you.” San chuckles before grabbing the receipt and tucking it into his pocket.
“Don’t want that, now do we?” He winks before stepping out of the shop.
“Cute.” You glare at Jongho and hit him on the arm. “Ouch, what!”
“Why would you say my name around him!”
“You act like he wasn’t gonna find out one way or another, the dude definitely has googly eyes over you.” He crosses his arms and smirks. “Besides, you slipped him your number.”
“Ugh.” You continue to glare at him. “I’m going on my break.”
“So you can text San, hm?” You mouth out a quick ‘fuck off’ before turning on your heel and heading to the break room. The entire scenario hadn't been processed in your mind until now, unsure if giving your number to San was a good idea or not.
You didn’t wanna get attached to him. Not him, of all people. Though, you know you will, and that’s why it feels like a bad decision.
A decision you think you might regret.
The thought blows over when you get home that night, exhausted from your work day and the commute. You hop in the shower and whip up a teriyaki chicken rice bowl with some veggies. You plop onto your couch and turn on the TV, picking up on where you left off on the last episode of the series you were watching. Barely 7 minutes in, a call comes through on your phone, your eyes widening at the name flashing across the screen. Just as you briefly debate on answering the call, your hands are already moving towards the phone; swiping right to pick it up.
“Hello?”
“Hey.” San says on the other line so nonchalantly, as if you two had been talking for years.
“Hi?” You let out a small, nervous chuckle. “What made you call?”
“I just wanted to talk to you and ask how the rest of your day at work went.”
“Oh.” You shrug as if he can see you. “It was alright. Nothing too bad.”
“Yeah? Nobody get on your nerve throughout the day?”
“I also work at a strip club. I think the music shop is very mild when it comes to that.” You joke, making San laugh a bit on the other line. “How was the rest of yours?”
“Good. Wooyoung and I just grabbed something to eat before he brought me home.”
“Where’s home for you?”
“Probably 20 minutes away from the city.” He responds just as you hear dishes clinking in the background. “Did you eat already?”
“I am right now.”
“Oh shit, sorry. Do you want me to call you later? Or, I guess, I can just text you?”
“It’s okay, San. I don’t mind.”
“Mmkay. Just checking.”
“I know you just saw Wooyoung, but you guys aren’t hanging out with the rest of your friends tonight?”
“Believe it or not, we like taking breaks from each other.” He laughs a bit. “No but, Mingi, the really tall one, has a date or whatever tonight.”
“Or whatever?” You laugh.
“He’s weird about these things. Says it’s a date when we all know he’s not really ready to date seriously.”
“Mm, one of those guys. You like that, too?”
“Definitely not. If I really like someone and we hit it off, I’ll pursue them to no end.”
“Mhm.” You find yourself teasing him more. “Cute. Have you guys known each other for long?”
“Me and Wooyoung grew up together. Our parents are close, too. We met Hongjoong and Mingi in college.”
“That’s sweet.”
“What about you, Y/N? What about your friends? Tell me more about yourself. I meant it when I said I wanna get to know you.” You feel the heat rise to your cheeks, even though every bone in your body is telling you to continue keeping your guard up.
“Ah, did you? Cause it definitely sounded like a line.” You snort.
“It’s not just a line. Seriously.”
“I honestly don’t know what to tell you. I don’t have an interesting story.” You poke at your food before taking a small bite.
“Don’t say that. I find you interesting no matter what.”
“You say that now.”
“I’ll say it later, too.” He reassures you.
“I– I don’t know. I’m not close to my family after the decisions I’ve made, and friends left my side especially after I started working at the club more. Jongho is really the only person who has stayed by my side since we were younger.”
“I’m sorry. Why aren’t they your friends anymore?”
“I guess they just think I’m dumb for not going to school and for settling at the club.”
“I mean, that’s not really fair? It’s not dumb if it wasn’t what you wanted.”
“Yeah, well. They didn’t think I’d take dance that seriously.”
“You’re really good at it.” You chuckle hearing his response. “Why wouldn’t you?”
“Wish I could tell you. My family is in the same boat. My older sister graduated from college and started her own lab after finishing her postdoctoral appointment. Imagine how much my family looks down on me. I struggled for awhile and Jongho helped me out a lot.”
“I’m glad you at least have him.”
“I am too.”
“What else do you like to do?”
“San, are you sure you don’t have anything else to do tonight?” He laughs. “What about your family?”
“Swear. My family is fine, they’re doing their own thing.”
“Do they live around here too?”
“Nope, maybe an hour or so away? I have an older sister too, but she’s overseas right now. She’s in the fashion industry.” He lets out a small sigh. “I genuinely wanted to call you and talk to you after seeing you today.”
“You’re such a mystery.”
“Why’s that?”
“I don’t know. You just are. I see you at the club a couple of times, then I see you at the shop. Now we’re on the phone. It’s just funny how things play out.”
“Nothing mysterious about it. Maybe it’s just meant to play out that way.”
“What’s meant to play out that way?”
“Us.” You pause. Mainly because you couldn’t believe this is how things were meant to play out with San. Why was he everywhere and nowhere at the same time? Why was he calling you and trying to get to know you? And what if it was meant to play out this way? It could either mean two things— one, San was meant to play some sort of good in your life.
Or two, San was meant to break your heart and teach you yet another lesson in this crazy universe.
You weren’t sure what to think of it all, if you were even ready to figure out what all of this meant.
But, at this moment in time, all the regrets and thoughts continue to brush over your head because you like hearing San’s voice and you like talking to him outside of the club. You are intrigued, and you can’t say you aren’t keen on finding out what this is.
So, you continue to talk to San. 30 minutes turns into an hour; slipping into bed with San still on the other line. It’s easy to talk to him and you like that he initiates most of the conversation. He doesn’t judge you and he doesn’t pressure you into talking about things you don’t feel comfortable diving into right now. He doesn’t put the focus on himself much and he listens. You find yourself giggling, tossing and turning under the sheets— thoughts exploring uncharted territories.
San almost feels like a bad decision; a decision you think you might regret.
For tonight, you’ll take it. You’ll take this for what it is, and you’ll take San for who he is. You’ll find out what his role is in your life and why this is playing out the way it is for the both of you.
Maybe he is good.
Maybe he is a heartbreaker.
Or maybe San is meant to be San, a passing moment in your life that eventually just ends.
Whatever it is, you’ll figure it out. Even if it's something you might regret later on.
“Can I tell you something Y/N?” He asks just as you feel the exhaustion hitting your body.
“Mhm?”
“You’re really beautiful. I like seeing you, especially on stage. You know how to drive people crazy.”
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San continues to text and call you, just to ask if you’re doing okay— to let you know he always looks forward to seeing you. Small smiley faces, goodmorning’s and goodnight’s, dropping by with food or just to say hi at the music shop; you can’t help but feel the butterflies in your tummy grow when it comes to San. 
You’re not sure if you despise it or not.
Jongho says you should just see where it goes and tries to reassure you by telling you what’s meant to be, will be, and that you shouldn’t read too much into things right now. 
Keep doing you as you have, and continue to move forward.
But, it’s a lot easier said than done. Especially when you don’t understand what San wants out of you. He’s respected your boundaries through text, not asking for free dances or nudes, only keeping it brief to check in on you sometimes. Yet, at the club, he’s handsy. He’s vocalized how much he wants you and how much he wishes he could know more about you outside of the club.
San is an enigma.
You count in your head as you slowly take steps forward on stage, trying your hardest not to get distracted.
One, two.
Twirl around the pole.
Three, four.
Fall into the splits.
Five, six.
Bounce.
You get back onto your fours, shaking ass for the men lined up near the stage constantly tossing bills your way and shoving it under the ties of your bikini bottoms. It isn’t long before the main stage is where the most activity is happening— the club incredibly busy tonight with tons of celebrations. You’ve just stepped out of a VIP booth, your client paying you more than you could ask for by simply requesting if you could just work the pole for him. You gladly oblige, making it one less man to give a lap dance to before your shift is over. 
Besides, you can’t help but think of San.
And the moment you start to think about him, is the exact moment you find him lingering in the club with his boys— eyes scanning the stage and room before they finally find you near the VIP booths. It’s been a minute since they’ve stopped by. San has mentioned that he and his friends have just been swamped at work and that he can’t wait to let some steam out soon. He’s in all black tonight; black fitted slacks, boots, a black-button up with his chest partially exposed. He’s got a silver chain around his neck, and god, does the sight immediately do things to you.
They order a round of drinks before San finds himself at one of the seats next to the stage. He’s entertaining the crowd a bit, joining in when your coworker steals the stage and grabs the attention from the men around you. You don’t mind because it gives you the opportunity to slip away and take a breather, maybe run for a quick water break before you sway your hips in San’s direction. 
And sure enough, he’s been waiting. Like he always is.
Just as you sweet talk your way through the crowd and grab a few extra tips for it, San gently wraps his hand around your wrist and pulls you onto his lap. He smirks at you, eyes glazed over from all the alcohol he’s already downed.
“Mm, I’ve been waiting.” He says. “Can I have you?” The question sends shivers down your spine, his touch against your hip electrifying. 
“Depends.” You tease as he slips a few bills into your bra. “Can you handle it tonight? You’re pretty drunk.”
“Can always handle you, babygirl.” He says in your ear. You instantly stand to your feet and grab his hand, leading him to one of the free VIP booths. As soon as you pull the curtains close and try to work your way over to the pole, San pulls you back onto his lap— hands caressing your sides as you fix your position and properly straddle him. “Need you here, not there.”
“Thought you liked watching me work the pole.”
“I do, but not as much as I like watching you on me.”
“You’re incredibly suave tonight, what’s gotten into you?” You giggle, feeling San’s hands grope your ass.
“Just missed you.”
“We’ve been talking quite a bit.”
“I know, but it’s not the same as seeing you.” 
“You just missed the club.”
“Nah. You.” He corrects you. Something about San is different tonight, but you can’t say you dislike it. He’s a little more straightforward, a little more bolder, a little more open about his want— his need— for you. Especially when he caresses your tits; palm gently gliding over before giving your nipples a good pinch. Especially when his lips ghost over your neck, jaw, finally finding its way to your ear. Especially when he whispers about how pretty you look and how he wishes he could kiss you.
“Who said you couldn’t?” He pauses for a moment to look at you, really look at you, before taking his hand to your cheek and bringing you down to his lips. The way your lips crash is intense, full of lust.
Want.
Need.
A craving to be fulfilled.
The kiss easily turns wet, sloppy; San’s hands digging half crescents into your hips as he guides you to work your hips against him. He lets out a shaky breath in between, lips now traveling down to your jaw, neck.
“Fuck.” You hear him groan against your skin, right before his tongue glides against the surface; nibbling and sucking gently to soothe the mark.
“San.” You call his name as he continues down to the base of your neck, collarbone— lips now pressed against your inner breast. Part of you feels so, so good in San’s arms. But the other half feels so incredibly conflicted about the whole situation solely because San is an enigma. You aren’t sure if it’s enough to sway you away. Reality hits when the crowd outside roars in cheers, pulling you away from the sweet daydream, the sweet fog that temporarily clouded your vision. Your hands rest on his shoulders as you gently pry him away and push him back. “San.” You repeat.
“Yeah?”
“We shouldn’t.” He licks his lips, eyes still glued onto yours. Surprisingly, he doesn’t fight back, no. Instead, he kisses you one last time— lips locked until one of you pulls away first. You hop off his lap and walk off towards the curtain, giving him one last look before leaving him alone. “See you out there, okay?” Is all you manage to say. San knows better than to do this here, of all places, but he can’t seem to help himself. He’s stuck on you, has this pull to you, and he wants it all. He doesn’t fight though, because he should be doing better. This probably looks all wrong and confusing to you and he doesn’t mean to do that. He’s just no good at this, no good at approaching you— you, so sexy and so independent.
It’s something about you, and he’s losing his mind.
“Shoot your fucking shot already.” Hongjoong comes around the corner from the bathroom, running into San as he exits the VIP booth.
“What?” He asks, still a bit discombobulated after the short but intense session in the booth.
“Your girl.”
“She’s not my girl.”
“Shut up.” He says, forehead furrowed. “We come to the club and all you do is look for her. Can’t tell me there isn’t anything more to it.”
“I don’t know.”
“Just do it. What do you have to lose? You’re not getting any younger.” Hongjoong snickers, but it quickly fades when San’s expression hasn’t changed. “You’re just trying to fuck, right?” San finally meets his eyes but he doesn’t say anything, and it kinda freaks Hongjoong out. “What the fuck, San?”
“What?”
“You actually like her? You can’t be serious. I thought it was just a one time thing–”
“What the fuck does it matter?” San lets out a small chuckle to play off the whole thing, but frankly, he’s trying his hardest to not let Hongjoong ruin his mood. “Look, I’m not trying to think about this here. Ready?” He nods towards the bar, finding Mingi and Wooyoung amongst the crowd.
For the rest of the night, you do what you do best— deflect and avoid. You’re not sure how long you can keep doing this around San, especially every time you have an encounter with him. You start questioning yourself so much that it gets to you, that the reality of the situation starts dawning on you even though you have no foundation to back things up. But, you’d like to think that you haven’t fallen too deep; you could still swim up to the surface if you needed to, and you’d like to keep it that way.
However, that feels like a far reach when your shift ends. You feel like you’ve escaped for the umpteenth time until you realize you really haven’t, and that maybe, San was always going to be an enigma you were meant to figure out.
“Y/N.” You hear a familiar voice call for you as you walk down the street. You’re still walking at a steady pace, but the steps behind you seem to be catching up fairly quickly. “Y/N—” You turn and place your hand over his mouth, making San furrow his brows at you.
“We’re still nearby. I’d like it if you didn’t go yelling my name around like that.” He chuckles as you let him go, continuing your walk home.
“Some people should know your name by now, right?”
“And the majority that don’t?” You look at him. “Let’s keep it that way.”
“Sorry, beautiful.” You playfully roll your eyes, trying to keep your guard up.
“What’re you doing, San?”
“Walking you home.”
“What about your friends?” You pause in your steps, creating enough distance between you and the club by now.
“They can handle their own.” He shrugs. “Let me walk you.”
“Then, what?”
“Then at least I know you’re safe and sound.” You let out a breath before continuing to walk with San. You aren’t gonna lie— having San’s company makes you feel ten times safer, and you feel comfortable having him alongside you. Usually, you rush your walk just to get home in one piece. Tonight, you can finally enjoy the crisp, night time air for a bit longer. 
Tonight, you can finally enjoy the stars for a bit longer.
Tonight, you can enjoy San for a bit longer.
“San?”
“Hm?”
“Don’t you get tired of going to the club?” He shakes his head and laughs.
“Not really. It’s kinda fun. Beats going to a regular club.”
“Can I ask?” He nods. ���What do you do for work?”
“I just work for a tech company in their finance department.”
“Interesting.”
“Why?”
“I didn’t know tech guys liked strip clubs so much.”
“Change of scenery.” You chuckle, easing up a bit in San’s company. “Is this your usual walk home?”
“Mhm. It’s not so bad.”
“Yeah, but it’s also like.. 3am.” San looks down at you. “Why don’t you just take an Uber home or something?”
“Why, when it’s within walking distance?”
“Safety reasons. You don’t feel scared?”
“Not really. I’ve done this walk for years now.”
“Why don’t I just bring you home from now on?” You laugh.
“Even if you don’t go to the club?”
“Especially when I don’t go to the club.”
“That’s too much work. I can’t ask you to do that. Plus, you work a regular 9-5 I’m assuming.”
“But, I’m offering? I don’t really trickle in right at 9 for work, as long as I make my 8 or so hours for the day. Plus, I can work from home sometimes.” You don’t say anything, so he quickly follows up with: “I know the walk is close, but it makes me feel weird about letting you be out here this late after work.”
“Hm.” You look at him.
“Let me.” 
“Hey, just so we remember this— you offered and put that out on the table. Not me.” He laughs.
“Got it, your honor.”
“Are you not cold?”
“No. The cold is helping a lot right now.”
“How drunk were you today?”
“Pretty drunk.” He laughs. “It’s been a very long couple of weeks. I probably sound like a broken record but there’s no better way to put it. Lots of deadlines to meet with little time to prep.”
“Ah, the surprise deadlines. I’m sure it went fine, right?”
“Yeah, sure. After all the stress they put me through first.” San snorts.
“It’s done now. You made it.” You turn the corner and continue to walk down the path until you reach your building— a small, quaint building in the middle of the residential area. You lead San to your door at the far right corner of the building. “Welp, this is me.” You turn to look at him and he gives you a tiny, toothless smile.
“Cute.” You awkwardly fiddle with your fingers, feeling bad about turning San away. A part of you genuinely wants his company outside of the club and he seems to want the same, too.
“D-do you wanna come in, by any chance?”
“Only if you’re okay with it.”
“I am.” You turn to unlock the door. “Sorry if it’s super small and not aesthetically pleasing to look at.”
“Y/N, don’t apologize.” He steps in and steps out of his shoes, eyes wandering around your tiny studio. “It’s nice. I like the plants.” He eyes the plants near the shelf that blocks off your bed from the couch, TV and ‘living room’ area.
“Thanks. I try to take really good care of them.” He chuckles as he plops onto the couch.
“It’s a cozy space. It’s perfect for you, no?”
“I like it. I’ve been here for the past year and a half or so? Jongho’s aunt is the landlord and he did a lot to convince her to let me have this place for decent rent.”
“That’s nice.”
“Yeah. He was probably tired of me.” You grab two water bottles from your fridge. “I lived with him for a long time. We shared rooms.”
“He’s a really good friend.”
“He is.” You stand near him and hand him the water bottle. “Make yourself at home, I’m just gonna take a quick shower.”
“Can I join?” 
“Do you wanna be tossed out?” He laughs.
“Kidding.” He pulls out his phone and begins to scroll through his social media. “I’ll wait patiently.” You grab your shirt and shorts before running into the bathroom to take a quick body shower, excited to rinse off the night from your skin. It only takes you about 15 minutes to fully get ready for bed, San still waiting patiently on your couch. His eyes shift from his screen to you—
Slowly ogling your body,
Down to your legs.
“Feel better?”
“Mhm.” You plop next to him, watching as he lets his head rest on the back of the couch. “Tired?”
“Yeah.”
“You should go home and get rest.”
“Do you want me to go home?” He looks at you and you aren’t really sure how to answer the question. Yes, you do, so San can rest.
But no, you don’t, because you like having him here.
You can’t help but remember the events that transpired earlier at the club and what it would feel like to have his lips on you again—
“No, not really.”
“Good, cause I wanna keep you company for a little longer.”
“San?”
“Yeah, pretty girl?”
“When you kissed me earlier—” You lick your lips and swallow the lump in your throat. “Did you kiss me because you were drunk at the club, or because you genuinely wanted to?”
“I told you I really wanted to.” You sit and look at him, unsure of how you feel about his response. “You don’t believe me, do you?”
“It’s not that.”
“Then?”
“I don’t know, San. I can’t read you.”
“You don’t have to.” He sits up, his face only inches away from yours. “It’s okay to tell me you don’t believe me, Y/N. I’d rather you be honest than not.”
“Then, no. I don’t.” He lets out a tiny, breathy laugh, a small smirk perked up on the corner of his lips.
“Fair enough.” He says lowly, eyes scanning your lips, your face and all its features. “Then, will you give me another chance to show you so you do believe me?” His thumb gently caresses your chin before grazing over your bottom lip. “Hm?” He hums. You nod, giving him leverage to dip down further, lips locked with yours for another soft, passionate kiss. It quickly deepens when San slips his tongue in; his fighting for dominance against yours. You find yourself hurrying to position yourself onto his lap, hands grabbing at his shirt. He gently nibbles on your jaw before making his way back down to your neck, no longer hesitating to suck on certain spots to leave his mark. His hands make their way up your shirt, palming at your tits while you fiddle with the buttons of his shirt. “Let’s get this off, baby.” The petname sends shivers down your spine, making you easily oblige to his request.
You shed off his shirt just as he tosses yours to the side, mouth instantly latching onto your perked bud. His tongue moves in a circular motion, pulling back with a pop before moving onto the next. You let out a moan when he flicks around your nipple, sucking gently before trailing his lips a bit further down.
“Hold onto me. Need you on the bed.” He huskily says as you wrap your arms and legs around him, San’s hands coming down to grip your ass. He takes you to your bed, wasting no time to get rid of the rest of the clothing sitting on your bodies. Everything feels so intimately rushed with San because there’s so much desire, so many thoughts and cravings to be fulfilled. He continues to kiss you, slipping two digits into you to test the waters— to see how wet you are, how tight you are. “Jesus.” He mumbles against your lips. 
You are dripping.
“Sannie.” The nickname accidently slips from your lips again, making him smile against you.
“So cute when you say my name like that.” He lets out a breath. “You’re so wet for me. Think you can take me now?” He’s pumping himself and the sight makes you drool. He’s perfectly built— toned abs and biceps, skin dipped in honey, a perfectly thick cock. You nod, eager to get a taste of San, eager to see what he’ll do to you.
“Need you.”
“Oh, you do?” He has that smug smirk on his face just as positions himself at your entrance. “Shit, I don’t have a condom—” 
“Here.” You quickly dig through your nightstand and grab a condom you got last week. Dude who tipped you off thought he was slick by throwing a condom in there, thinking he could get some.
At least it came in handy to your liking.
San quickly rips the packet open, throwing the condom on before lowering himself back down onto you. You let out a broken moan when he slips himself in, slowly burying himself to the hilt. His breath is hot against your neck, the both of you releasing shaky exhales while you get used to the feeling. He begins to rock his hips at a slow, steady pace; mumbling curses against your skin as he adjusts to your walls sucking him in.
“God, you feel so good— fuck, Y/N. You’re so hot.” He grunts, his thoughts running wild about seeing you at the club, getting his lap dances.
To this.
Everything about you drives San wild and he’s not even sure how he can explain the feeling. So sexy, so independent; attitude on na-na while worrying about yourself and yourself only.
San starts to fuck you faster, hips pounding against you and echoing in the studio. You’re both probably a bit too loud for your neighbors right now, but you truly could care less. San was driving himself into you at a delicious pace, hitting you in all the right spots.
“San.” You call his name, hands tugging at the hair sitting on the nape of his neck. “Like that— like that.” You whimper. “Feels so good.”
“Yeah, baby?” He sits up to pound against you at a different angle, hands at your thighs to spread you completely open. He loves seeing the way your slickness coats his cock, his head tilting back in immense pleasure. “Wanna cum for me, pretty girl? Wanna cum all over this dick? So good for me.” He praises, and praises, thumb coming down to work your clit. 
“Oh, god.” You moan, hands gripping at the sheets as you feel yourself tipping over the edge the more San fucks into you, the more he rubs at your clit, the more your hips match his movements. You have never been this turned on by someone— at least, not in a very long time. San is so, so attractive. He is suave, and he knows what he’s doing with you. “So close.” San continues to praise you, telling you how beautiful you look underneath him.
How pretty you are.
How badly he wants you.
How you always drive him crazy.
And if it wasn’t for the constant praising, if it wasn’t for the way his hips worked so well against yours, if it wasn’t for the way San was skillfully rubbing at your clit— you wouldn’t be close to unraveling so quickly.
“San, I’m—“ You barely make out before you come undone beneath him, mouth slacked open as a silent moan leaves your lips; body trembling in his grip. This gives him momentum to drive his hips into you faster, harder; uncoiling shortly afterwards.
“Shit, Y/N. Feels too good.” San groans, unloading into the condom. His hands tightly grip your thighs as he gives it one, two more thrusts before coming back down from his high.
Everything feels so beautiful, yet intimately rushed. So, so good yet equally so, so bad for you.
Before you can even say anything, San lowers himself to give you a kiss on the lips. He kisses you for awhile before slipping himself out and grabbing a napkin to wrap the condom in. He quietly takes another few napkins to help clean up, wiping you gently before moving onto himself and plopping onto your bed next to you.
“You okay?” He asks, eyes closed as he regulates his breathing.
“Mhm.”
“Good?”
“Maybe.” He chuckles at your response, pulling you into his arms while you pull the sheets over the both of you. “Definitely worn out, though.”
“Yeah, same.” He kisses the top of your head. “Mind if I crash here for a bit? I don’t mind leaving too, if it makes you uncomfortable. Just let me know.”
“No, you’re good. I don’t mind, San.”
“Was hoping you’d say that.” You chuckle, adjusting your position to comfortably lay on San and fall asleep on his chest.
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This is when you start to regret ever giving San the attention, your number, everything. 
Because now that you know him a little more, San has become your kryptonite.
After that night, you woke up to an empty bedside— almost no signs of San entirely in your studio. Though it made your heart clench a little bit, part of you knew you wouldn’t be waking up to him.
For work, for other reasons.
Other reasons being that maybe, he really just did want you the one time. And the thought lingered for a little longer when he took awhile to text you that day, your mind running through all the worst possible scenarios during the hours.
▹ FLASHBACK
You slept like a baby after what felt like years, warmth of the sheets still engulfing you as your eyes flutter open. The sun leaves a trail down your sheets, everything quiet; still. When you turn, you find that San is gone— the dip on that side of the bed long gone, his clothes gone, waterbottle gone.
It was like he was never here in the first place.
Your clothes are set neatly off on the edge of the bed instead of the floor. And god, it feels kinda lonely without San. It’s your first telltale sign of attachment, though you know you shouldn’t be at that point after one intimate night with him.
But, it’s hard.
You check your phone and there aren’t any new texts besides Jongho and his need to send you random Instagram reels or TikToks. You lay in bed for a bit longer, letting out a soft sigh when you catch yourself wondering about San in that way. You shut your eyes for a little more, hoping you’ll be able to shake off the ‘what if’s’ with a couple of more hours of sleep. 
Meanwhile, San tiredly walks into the office a bit past 10am, hopping straight into his first meeting of the day. It lasts an hour before he’s finally able to walk to the kitchen to grab his first [and much needed] cup of coffee.
“What the fuck happened to you last night, Mr. Suave?” Wooyoung comes beside him, waiting to get his cup of coffee refilled.
“I walked Y/N home.” San smirks.
“Yeah, obviously.” Wooyoung slightly glares at him. “You’re not slick, dumbass. You fucked, didn’t you?”
“What’s it to you?”
“Wow, I’m your bestfriend and you’re asking me that question?” Wooyoung lets out a little ‘pfft’ before playfully shoving San aside to finally get his refill. “I’ll take that as a yes. What’s the deal with you and Miss Crimson, anyway?”
“I like seeing her.” San shrugs. “I like her company.”
“You barely know her outside of the strip club.”
“I believe that’s the point of getting to know her.” San says in a very matter-of-a-fact tone.
“Dude, I didn’t think you’d actually go for her.” San raises his brow.
“Why is everyone saying that? What’s so wrong about it?”
“Nothing! I really just thought you were trying toot it and boot it.”
“Hm.” All San can do is hum while he stirs the stirrer around in his cup. 
“But what about Noelle? You guys have that weird, toxic ex relationship thingy going on.” Wooyoung almost visibly shudders at the thought of their complicated relationship. So much back and forth, lying, getting in each other’s beds just to fulfill a need even though they don’t mean it for shit.
Yeah, toxic.
“Yeah, no. I’m done with that.”
“Mm, but you’ve said that before. You mean it? Like you’re actually over her because you genuinely like Y/N? Or, you’re done with it until you cave again?”
“I’m done with it.”
“Yeah, we’ll see.” Wooyoung takes a sip of his coffee. “I saw her texting you again.”
“I’m trying to tell her it’s done with.”
“Don’t see the urgency though, Mr. I-like-Y/N-and-I-enjoy-her-company. Out here breaking hearts in true Choi San fashion.” 
“Don’t say shit like that.” 
“Okay.” Wooyoung laughs, leaving him in the kitchen. San sighs to himself, a little tired, stressed even, about the whole Noelle situation. Truthfully, Wooyoung is right. Him and Noelle have too much history, too much baggage. Too much of that toxic shit. San is partially to blame because he does crawl back to her, he does cave pretty easily. And it’s not even because San wants to get back with her, no. He knows they can’t work out. All they do is bring out the worst in each other. 
But, Noelle is the only thing he’s known for awhile. She fills his void pretty well because it’s familiar territory. 
He’s done with it, though. He swears. He’s confused and not entirely sure where he sees this going right now, but you are intriguing. He sees you and his curiosity skyrockets. He wants to know more about you, and after last night, he feels like he can’t get enough of you. He wants more, and he’ll continue to show you that.
▹ END
“Yo.” Jongho’s eyes are barely peeking over the screen on the FaceTime call.
“What’s up?”
“What’re you doing?”
“Just hanging out. Eating some lunch.” You continue to poke at the salad you made. “How’s work?”
“Good, I guess. I’m grabbing some food right now from the shop down the street. How’s loverboy been?”
“Would you stop calling him that?”
“Well, what else is he, Y/N?” Jongho laughs a bit. 
“Not my loverboy.”
“Says you even though he drops by to bring you food and calls you nonstop.”
“He doesn’t call me nonstop.”
“Sorry, once a day.” He gives you a look. “Have you seen him lately?”
“No. He went to the club once last week. Said he’s been busy again with work. I feel like it’s something else, though.”
“Mmm.” Jongho hums. “You’re overthinking.”
“I’m not.”
“I can hear you from here. What is it?”
“He’s just been kinda weird lately.” 
“Distant?”
“Yeah. Maybe it is just work.”
“He’s probably just got way too much on his plate.”
“I shouldn’t even be thinking about it like this too much.” You finish up your salad. “It’s fine. I’m sure he’s fine.”
“Mm, okay. Well. Are you doing your usual shift at the club later?”
“Yeah.”
“How’s it been? Wanna hang out tomorrow before your shift?” He slightly pushes the phone away after placing his order and paying at the cashier.
“It’s the same old.” You sigh. “I’m down for that though.”
“Okay. I’ll come get you.” 
“Jongho.”
“Yeah?”
“Seeing San makes me question myself. I don’t know if that’s good or not.”
“In what way?”
“I just feel ashamed. It makes me wanna look for a different job and leave the club.”
“Well, okay. Are you still happy at the club, or do you wanna do something else?”
“I’m happy but I feel like I could do better.”
“Because of San or because of you? Kinda important to differentiate. If you’re still happy but feel like you could do better for you, then great! But, if you wanna do better just to impress San and do it for him, then no.”
“I feel so stupid. I mean, he drops me off at home. We see each other from time to time–”
“Have sex with each other from time to time–”
“Jongho!”
“What?” He laughs.
“You’re in public!”
“So?! It’s natural human behavior. My god.” He laughs a bit more. “I’m not wrong though.”
“It’s so dumb. I don’t even know what this is. Probably not even something to be questioning my life like this.”
“Has San ever said anything to make you feel that way?”
“No. In fact, he’s supportive about everything and didn’t make me feel terrible about my past decisions.”
“Then you’re overthinking again.” He thanks the staff before grabbing his bag of food. “Y/N, what did I tell you? Just let things be. Don’t make any rash decisions or start assuming things if everything is fine.”
“But is everything fine?”
“It sounds like it to me. He seems like a nice guy. You might wanna have that conversation about what you two are later on if things really haven’t progressed yet, but otherwise, I truly think he’s a nice guy and he’s probably just busy.”
“Jongho–” Suddenly, a few knocks come to your door, throwing you off guard mid-call.
“Guess that’s my cue to go. Text me about tomorrow.”
“Alright.” You say right before ending the call. You set your bowl aside in the kitchen before looking through the peephole on the door. To your surprise [or not], San is standing there on his phone with a small bag in hand.
“Hey.” You say, as you let him in. He smiles, but San doesn’t respond right away with the same enthusiasm. Instead, he shifts his attention to the text that came through on his phone before tucking it away and smiling at you.
“Hey. Sorry.” He hands you a small bag. “I bring pastries.”
“Mm, more pastries.” You tease with a giggle. “Thanks. What brings you here?”
“Sorry, I meant to text you but I forgot. I just wanted to see you since I haven’t been able to for a bit.” He kisses you on the cheek before making his way to your couch.
“Work’s been crazy, hm?” He sighs and leans his head back.
“Uh, yeah. It has been. But, it’s finally the weekend and I can kick back for a bit.” His hand comes up to run your back while you dig through the pastries he bought. “Did you eat already?”
“Mm, yeah. I just made a small salad. I’m not too hungry. Was on the phone with Jongho for a bit.”
“I see. You should eat a little more before your shift.”
“I will.” You look at him. “Are you guys going to the club tonight?” He nods.
“Mingi said he needs it.” You chuckle.
“Do you need it, too?”
“Kinda, but I’m here with you already and I get you all to myself.”
“You do that at the club, too.” You tease.
“Can’t help it.” San quietly looks at you while his arm is loosely around your waist. You observe him for a bit, trying to see if you can read into him or find any obvious signs of what else has been stressing him lately. He’s the same, except more tired, not as talkative or playful like he usually is. Your gut tells you it’s something deeper than work and you’re not sure how you’ll figure him out.
“San.”
“Mhm?” 
“You sure it’s just been work stressing you out?” He leans forward to meet your gaze with a small smile.
“Yeah. I’m sorry I haven’t really been myself lately.”
“No, it’s okay. You don’t have to apologize.”
“I missed you, though. I really missed you.” His finger is tracing soft circles against your hip. He dips forward to place a gentle kiss right below your earlobe, his soft, pink lips sending tingles down your spine. You shouldn’t be buckling this fast around San, but god, does he have you wrapped around his finger. He places a kiss at the corner of your lips and you instantly feel like jelly.
You missed him, too.
And you want him. Badly.
Before you know it, San is sitting up against the wall, watching you bounce on his dick like the good girl you are. He’s watching through hooded eyes; glued to the way your tits bounce, the way his cock slides in and out of you, the way you moan for him like all of this was made for you and you only.
“Fuck.” San groans, hands on your hips to guide you and slam you down onto his length. “You know how to ride me so well.” He watches as you begin to roll your hips against him, taking more control while riding him; it's pure ecstasy. Your moans, your movements, everything about it is just.. addicting. 
You have such a captivating presence, and San can't help but lose himself in you.
“Baby, if you keep working me like that, you’ll make me cum.” He moans, head resting back against the wall. Your hand rests on his neck, giving it a gentle squeeze as you feel yourself bubbling with pleasure. Your clit is rubbing against him deliciously, and you can’t help but sit back and ride him at a different angle. 
“Sannie.” You moan loudly. “Ohhhhshit.” Your words melt together when you suddenly feel yourself unraveling quicker than expected. “I’m cumming— fuck, fuck, fuck—“ You repeat like a mantra, hips working sloppily against him as you come undone; the sounds bouncing off the walls nothing short of pornographic.
“That’s my good girl.” San loves watching the way your face contorts in pleasure, the way you moan loudly, the way he could hear how wet you are. Once you’ve come down from your high, San wastes no time getting you on your fours— face down, ass up. He gives your ass a good knead, spitting onto your pussy before lining himself back up at your entrance. He pushes himself in and works at a steady rhythm, giving your ass a good smack. You let out another moan, tears pricking your lids at how sensitive you’re feeling right now. He’s fucking into you so good, your ass is clapping against him. “You look so good like this, baby. You like it when I fuck you like this, hm?” He gives your ass another smack, cheek red from the impact. “Does it feel good?”
“So good, San.” He moans loudly as he continues to piston into you.
“Your pussy was made for me.” He groans. “Whose is it, Y/N?”
“Y-yours.” You choke, cheek digging deep into the mattress. 
“Louder, babygirl. I can’t hear you.”
“Yours!”
“There you go.” He grunts, ass feeling numb from San fucking into you. The way he’s driving into you and hitting your spot at this angle feels so good, you feel the pleasure bubbling in your pit again. You raise yourself up a bit to rub at your clit, pushing your orgasm forward as San’s movements begin to get sloppy. “Shit, Y/N.”
“San, cum for me.” You egg him on as he begins to pant. Hearing him praise you and call your name pushes you over the edge once more, hands gripping at the sheets while you shudder from the second orgasm taking over. San quickly pulls out and unloads onto your ass, back.
“God.” He huffs as he gives himself one last pump and pants heavily. “So good for me. You okay, pretty girl?” His hand comes up your back, leaving a random trail of kisses along the way.
“Yeah.” You let out a breath.
“Let me clean you up. Don’t move.” He quickly runs to your bathroom to grab some wipes. “Gonna be kinda cold. I’m sorry.” He apologizes in advance before taking a wipe to your back.
“That feels kinda nice.” San chuckles, allowing you to lay back on your bed first before slipping in next to you post-cleanup.
“You feel nice.” You laugh, laying your head on his chest while he grabs his phone.
“So, what time are you guys heading to the club tonight?”
“I don’t know. Probably between 9-10pm?” 
“You know there’s an event tonight, right?”
“I heard.” San laughs. “Some male dancers are guesting at the club?”
“Yeah. They’ll be on the second stage, though.” San nods, a few texts coming into his phone. You can’t help but glaze over the previews, back to back texts coming in from a ‘Noelle.’ The messages aren’t too lengthy, but she is texting him quite a few times and the previews alone are enough to make your stomach twist and turn.
It’s making you anxious, and for some reason, your gut tells you this Noelle is significant to San. 
He’s not trying to pay attention to it right now though, and it’s probably just because he’s in your company post-sex. He briefly looks at the messages at the top, thumb coming up to swipe them away. 
“Is it just you guys?” You ask, wondering if San would open up to you otherwise.
“Uh, yeah. Pretty sure. Unless Mingi invites other people.”
“Mmm, okay.”
“I’m excited to see you on stage again.” He looks down at you with a smirk. 
“Yeah right.”
“Swear. Everyone knows I’m only there for you. It’s kinda nice to show it off.”
“Show what off?”
“That you’re mine.” He winks, making your heart melt into a puddle. You hate that San gives you these signals, but there hasn’t been much to it besides seeing each other occasionally outside of the club and fucking each other’s brains out. 
“Don’t say shit you don’t mean.”
“Who said I didn’t mean it?!” You shake your head and turn to your side, now going through your own phone. San gives you a kiss on the shoulders, hand coming up to rub your arm while he continues to plant random kisses at the nape of your neck, below your ear, jaw.
“Sannie, what are you doing?” You giggle, ticklish from the feeling of his lips against your skin.
“Kinda want you again.”
“Are you serious?” You turn to look at him and he smirks.
“Can’t help it. You drive me crazy.” His hand comes down to your thigh, giving it a squeeze. “Wanna keep taking care of you.”
“Do you, now?” You tease, letting San continue to kiss you; hand coming down and ghosting your clit. You decide to let San have you once more before he’s struggling to part from your lips, even as he’s about to head out the door. 
You blush watching him leave, excited to show off and see him tonight.
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The night comes rather quickly because the club is incredibly packed with all sorts of people making their way in to see all of the dancers. You’re having to entertain on stage, deliver drinks and give a few private dances. It’s nothing beyond what you’re already used to doing, but the clientele is booming tonight and you’re constantly moving around all ends of the club.
It’s a little past 10pm when you catch wind of Mingi, Hongjoong, San and Wooyoung. And for a minute, your eyes light up. San immediately plops onto a chair, legs spread as he smirks. He gestures for you to come over with his finger and lightly taps his lap, making you giggle to yourself while you continue to perform a few tricks on the pole. 
“Gorgeous.” San eyes the high-cut bodysuit sitting on your body, showing off all your curves beautifully. 
“You made it.” You crouch down in front of him, hands trailing up his legs.
“Of course, why would I miss out some more?” He winks, stuffing a few bills in the slit of your bodysuit while you stand lean towards his ear. 
“Can I get you something to drink?”
“You?” You laugh.
“Cliché.”
“Kidding, baby.” He bites onto his bottom lip. “Can we get shots of whiskey?”
“All four of you?”
“Yes please, pretty lady.” Hongjoong smirks. “Bodysuit looks good on you.”
“Openly hitting on San’s woman is crazy.” Wooyoung laughs loudly.
“Just complimenting her.” 
“Yeah, keep it up.” San teases Hongjoong.
“Thank you. I’ll be back.” You smile at Hongjoong before stepping over to the bar to grab their shots. At this point, it feels like everything happens so quickly; the following moments, the rest of the night— all a blur. When you return to the four, they’ve added a few more to the group. And this time, it’s a group of 5 girls— one that is in a heated conversation with San off to the side. You slow your pace, watching as she clings around his waist, but he gently shoves her off and shakes his head. He heads back to his seat and she welcomes herself on his lap, ignoring everything that he had just done to her moments ago. San doesn’t seem entirely pleased being that he’s been trying to distance himself from her, but to no avail— you’ve already returned and he panics.
“Here.” You hand them their drinks, handing San’s last.
“Noelle, seriously. Can you please get off my lap?” Noelle. You can’t help but feel your heart fall to the pit of your stomach, though you’re trying your best to brush it off in the heat of the moment. 
“You’re such a killjoy.” She whines, sitting on the edge of the chair. 
“Thank you, love.” His look is unreadable when he reaches for his glass and so is yours. But, San knows you saw everything and he knows it all looks wrong. It, all of this, must seem so fucked up to you right now and he wishes he could just pull you aside to clear up the air.
“Thank you, Miss Crimson.” Mingi raises his shot glass to you.
“Is that the stripper San is into?” You overhear one of the girls ask, followed by a:
“He’s not serious, right? Her?” Noelle scoffs and you subtly roll your eyes, getting ready to head back to the bartender. You weren’t gonna let this girl get to you. Not today.
“Have a good night.” Is what you tell Wooyoung in passing, making him flash San a look shortly afterwards.
“Don’t think she’s too happy about Noelle being here.”
“I didn’t know they were actually coming either.” San glares at him, trying his best to shake off Noelle and continue to create some distance. He truthfully didn’t think Noelle and her friends were coming along. Mingi had briefly mentioned the event to them, sliding in a stupid joke about how much San loves coming solely because of you. She didn’t take it lightly, hence why she decided to come along even though their initial plan was to head to the regular club down the street. 
When San sees Noelle, he’s pretty irritated. The last time she was texting him, she was blowing up his phone about shit from the past and their relationship. Quite frankly, he no longer has energy to deal with her and he’s tired of the back and forth. He doesn’t wanna start any issues tonight since it seems too late to brush them off and he doesn’t wanna dampen the mood. He knows how clingy she gets and he knows how she can act when she feels him slowly slipping from her grip, especially if they’re together in person. The last thing San wanted to do was upset you, nor did he want you to think of him as an asshole who only wanted you for one thing. 
That was not his plan.
He knows you’re not happy and he knows he fucked up for even trying to brush this off, for hiding Noelle when he had no reason to.
“You aren’t actually into the stripper are you?” She questions San and he furrows his brows.
“It literally isn’t any of your business.”
“Wow, so you are? I came out tonight, hoping we could—”
“Oh god, enough of that shit. Not here.” Wooyoung sighs. “Let’s go enjoy ourselves, that’s the whole point of tonight, right?” Wooyoung tries to push his bestfriend to the main stage, leaving the girls to enjoy the men on the second stage. You’ve continued to deliver a few drinks around the other room before stepping back onto the main stage. In your peripherals, you can see San eyeing you; almost pleading for you to swing by his way.
Except, you don’t, and you start to entertain a few men on the other side of the stage. San feels his blood boil a little when he sees you giving your attention to another man, knowing full well you were doing this on purpose.
And you were. You weren’t exactly sorry about it.
Because you didn’t have time for this bullshit, and your job still needed to get done. At the end of the day, you are just a dancer. What more could you be to him? You temporarily feed into their fantasies, nothing more, nothing less.
The reality is hitting you more and more tonight.
It makes you feel stupid for having thought otherwise, for letting the possibility live longer than it should’ve.
You’re not sure if you have time to entertain someone who has all that baggage.
San comes around to see you in better view, watching as you crouch down with your legs cocked open; swiping two fingers across your tongue before running it over your [barely] clothed pussy. San clenches his jaw when the man in front of you leans forward with a huge smirk on his lips, holding a roll of bills in his hand.
“Uh oh.” Wooyoung instigates. “I told you so. In true Choi San fashion.”
“Stop that.” Wooyoung shrugs.
“Noelle’s here, hoping she could be the one to go home with you tonight. And that one—“ He points at you over his glass. “Thinks you’re toying with her emotions. Pick a fucking battle.”
“I already told you I was done with the whole Noelle thing. She doesn’t get it for whatever reason.” San slightly groans and clicks his teeth. “Why did Mingi invite them, anyway?”
“I don’t know? I can’t control that boy’s mouth. Besides, you know he’s been trying to get with Donna after those dates didn’t go well.” San sees you dip into a private booth with the guy, shutting the curtains closed without looking his way. He takes a sip of his drink, stepping closer to the stage to try and enjoy himself– ignoring the possibilities of what’s going on behind that curtain.
The club feels suffocating, and he wants out.
Especially when you seem to be taking your time in the booth.
“You wanna head out? Noelle and the girls wanna head down the street now. Said they’re bored of the guys already.” Mingi asks, pointing at the girls getting ready to head out to the next club down the street. 
“Already?” Hongjoong cocks a brow up. “We literally just got here.”
“Yeah, I guess they’re over it.”
“I mean, whatever. Just don’t ask me to leave the other club hella early.” Joong rolls his eyes. “Whose bright fucking idea was to invite them anyway?” He glares at Mingi.
“Sorry! I wanted to be nice and extend the invite. I didn’t think they’d be over it so quickly.”
“Right, you wanted to be nice and get into Donna’s pants.”
“Do you wanna stay back?” Wooyoung asks in San’s ear, but all San can do is shrug. “We don’t have to go with them.”
“Let’s just go, I’ll never hear the end of it if we stay back.” Wooyoung simply looks at him in return.
“Let’s go!” Mingi yells. San subtly looks back to try and see if you’re out of the booth, but Mingi is already shoving him towards the door– towards Noelle and her friends.
“Choi San, hurry up!” Noelle whines as she waits for him.
“Noelle, you don’t have to wait for me. You can go with your friends.”
“Why are you acting so mean tonight?” She tugs on his wrist, but he snatches it out of her grip. “It definitely can’t be about her, right?”
“Go have fun with your friends and I’ll worry about my own.” San doesn’t mean to sound like an asshole, but he’s truly tired of the back and forth between Noelle. He hates that she acts this way, and he hates that she’s here. He feels like the night has gone to waste because he won’t be able to fully enjoy himself.
On top of that, you’re livid with him.
Speaking of you— You’ve kept yourself close to the pole even though your client has asked you for a lap dance. Once, twice, maybe even thrice. He’s attractive, but your mind is glued to San and how terrible this night ended up playing out for you. Luckily, the client doesn’t seem to fight much against it; as long as he gets his fix of you somehow, he’ll take it. Tonight’s one of those nights where you’ll stay for the full 45 to get the extra money, to hide away from the rest of the crowd. 
One, two.
Twirl around the pole.
Three, four.
Invert and lean back.
Five, six.
Gently fall into the splits.
Seven, eight.
Bounce your ass on the stage. 
“You’re a fucking goddess.” He says, gently palming himself through his pants, forcing you to mask the disgust you feel watching him openly do that. Though, you’ve seen worse and you’ve trained yourself to have the thick skin needed in this industry. Right now, it hits differently. Because of San, because of Noelle.
Because of everything.
“You sure you can’t come down here and get on daddy’s lap? I think I’ve slipped you enough money to at least get a lapdance.”
“Sorry, not doing that tonight, love.” 
“Aw, why not? Not even for me?”
“Not for you. Or them.” You say, bending over to at least give him a peek of what he wants.
“You sure you’re not saving it all for someone else?”
“Nope.”
“Gonna have to come back on a better night then.” He bites his bottom lip. “You’re my favorite. I swear you drive me crazy.” The statement is enough to trigger San’s voice in your head, causing you to rush through the last bit of your pole dance before thanking the man for his time and tip.
When you step out of the booth, you no longer see San and his group and it instantly makes your heart clench. You didn’t know what to expect tonight, but you definitely didn’t expect San to leave so quickly with his friends—
With Noelle and her friends.
Now, you’re back to square one. You feel like a mere distraction, something that temporarily fills the void; nothing more, nothing less. You quickly head to the back to get some air and a moment to yourself, finding a few texts from San:
san: Y/N, i’m sorry. i didn’t know they were coming. mingi just invited them and didn’t really say anything about it.
san: i know you’re probably wondering about her and i can explain. it’s really not what it looks like. 
san: let me know when you’re off? i wanna take you home still. 
san: i wanna talk to you and see you. please.
You swallow the lump in your throat as you shut off the phone and ignore the texts. Even if you wanted to answer back, even if it fucking pains you to re-run through those texts, you keep your head up and throw on a brave face for the rest of your shift.
San is still your kryptonite, and you aren’t sure where to go from here.
You need to leave quickly enough to avoid running into San tonight. 
Guess you’d be taking your usual walk alone. 
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You managed to dodge San and his friends on your way home that one awful night, ignoring his calls even as you’ve gotten comfy and tucked in your bed. San continued to blow up your phone into the next day until he realized you weren’t gonna answer him anytime soon.
And it sucked.
But, you needed to hold your ground. You needed to go back to the Y/N who worried about her own, the Y/N who didn’t let anything faze her even if she was hurt by loved ones, by friends.
You needed to go back to the Y/N who kept it real with herself and was proud of how far she’s come despite the ups and downs.
You hadn’t seen San come to the club, and it was probably his way of giving you the space that you indirectly asked for. And indeed, you needed this.
You needed to go back to the old Y/N and reprioritize.
“Hey baby.” Mia says, hand on the small of your back as you dab a bit of lip gloss onto your lips.
“Hey.”
“How’re you doing?” She brushes your hair back and gives you a small, sympathetic smile.
“I’ve seen better days.” You let out a chuckle.
“You haven’t texted him back?” You shake your head.
“No. I don’t really know what to say. I just feel kinda dumb. Maybe we were just meant to be a thing in passing.”
“Don’t say that. I know he had some feelings for you, and I know the situation was unique. But, nobody would go through all that effort if it didn’t matter to them.”
“Mm, yeah, He just has some baggage he has to deal with and I don’t think I have time or energy for that.”
“For all you know, it could just be her.”
“But, why hasn’t he officially let her go then?” Mia pouts a bit.
“I think he’s over it. He didn’t seem all that interested in her at all.” She nods. “Talk to him, hun. Let him explain. It might just be a misunderstanding.”
“Yeah, maybe.” She gives you a reassuring smile.
“Whenever you’re ready.”
“I know, babe. Thanks.” You give her a toothless smile, letting out a small squeal when she slaps your ass.
“Now get out there and do your thing, the clients are waiting.” You chuckle and shake your head, taking one last look in the mirror before you head out to the main stage. You strut your way across the floor, doing your usual sweet talk with a few of the men lining the stage. You take the stage for a bit and do your usual routine, letting them slip their bills wherever they can under your gear, or shower the stage with a few more extra tips. Just as you were getting into the swing of things, you catch San walking in by himself. You almost lose track of your thoughts, distracted by how good he looks. He’s sporting simple slacks and a gray-striped button up with chelsea boots, rolex on his wrist. He looks around the club before his eyes land on yours, and you suddenly feel like you’ve lost the ability to move, to dance.
▹ FLASHBACK
“I’ve never seen you this sulky. It’s kinda annoying.” Wooyoung plops next to San on the couch, watching as he slouches and lazily texts back on his phone.
“Fuck off.”
“I’m assuming she’s not answering your texts or calls yet?”
“Nope.”
“Down bad.”
“Are you here to help or to get on my nerve?” San glares at his bestfriend.
“Why don’t you just go see her?”
“I don’t wanna cross boundaries and be in her space, especially if she’s already not answering my texts or calls.”
“Maybe this is what she needs, though. She’s probably still assuming shit about Noelle. Which, by the way, I hope you ended it. For real.”
“I did. That’s why she was hella upset during the last half of the club and I left.”
“I thought you left to go after Y/N. Where exactly did you go?” 
“I mean, partially. I was gonna go after her and bring her home, but I was too late. The other half of me was pissed off because Noelle kept crying and trying to gaslight me. I told her I didn’t wanna do this anymore. Was tired of it. I told her we just don’t work and it’s time for us to move on.”
“‘Bout time you realized.” Wooyoung rolls his eyes. “I know you have love for her and I know she meant a lot to you, but that girl is crazy. You continued to feed into it, too.”
“Yeah, well.” 
“Just go see Y/N, dude. You look terrible.” San flips him off. “I mean it. If you want shit to change, then keep taking initiative.”
“I just don’t wanna scare her off. I already fucked up enough with this whole Noelle thing.”
“Damn, what did Y/N do to you?” Wooyoung laughs. “I truly didn’t think you’d end up finding your boo thing at the strip club. I’d like another thank you if this all goes well.” He smirks. “Thank you Wooyoung for making us go to the club on my birthday.” He says in a sing-song tone.
“Yeah, yeah.” San sighs. “I’ll probably head to the club tonight and try to talk to her.”
“Want me to come? Moral support.” He shakes his head.
“Thanks, but I think I’ll be good.”
▹ END
You quickly head off the stage and head to the bar, switching gears to take a break from the stage. You scurry along, hoping you aren’t making it too obvious that you’re trying to deflect and avoid San yet again. 
But, he knows. 
“Y/N, hey. Wait.” San says as you brush past him, hand gently coming to your wrist. You wiggle out of his grip, giving him a look as you continue on to the next room. “Y/N.” He continues to call, hurriedly following after you. “Y/N, please.” He says as he comes to your side while you gather a few drinks onto your tray.
“San, what? I’m working.” You respond, still keeping your attention to the drinks.
“Why haven’t you been answering my texts or calls?”
“Because.”
“Because, what? I didn’t mean to leave early without saying anything to you that night. I wanted to come back and take you home.”
“Oh, but Noelle didn’t let you, right?” 
“Y/N, please don’t do that. That’s not even what happened—” San has his hand around your wrist again, his eyes pleading for you to hear him out. 
“Aye, come on, my guy.” An unfamiliar man from the crowd comes in between you and San, ripping his hand away from your wrist. “Care to share? Stop being so selfish and gatekeeping her—”
“The fuck are you?”
“I see you come into this club with your friends, acting all high and mighty. You heard what I said.” He steps closer towards San. “Stop being so fucking selfish with her, hm? She’s for the crowd, baby’s meant to be shared—” The man suddenly slaps your ass and it turns a switch on for San. San pushes him away, causing the other man to lose his footing before attempting to swing at him.
“Stop that!” You try to yell, hoping it’d somehow break them apart. San is quick to dodge the first swing, but he gets unlucky with the second. San is quick to regain his composure, throwing a punch to him and causing him to fall to the ground. He towers over him and continues to lay a few more punches while you yell at security for assistance. “Quit it! San, stop! Stop it!” You repeat, prying him off of the man on the floor. “San!” You grip his bicep and pull him back.
“Fucking idiot.” San spits, hand coming to his jaw to ease the soreness. 
“Get them out of here!” You tell security and San furrows his brows at you.
“Y/N—”
“Out. Now!” You repeat yourself, following after security as they get their hands on both San and the other guy, escorting them out of the club. One shoves the other man through the front entrance, while the other shoves San out of the side entrance. You’re already following behind, signaling for security that it’s okay for him to leave you alone with San. He gives you a curt nod as he walks around the corner— giving you enough distance that allows privacy, but also allows him to step in if necessary. “What the fuck are you doing?!”
“I wasn’t gonna let him talk about you like that, Y/N. Don’t ask me that fucking question.”
“It’s my job.” You remind him. “I meant what are you doing here?! Why did you come here, San?”
“I came here to talk to you!” His tone raises. “You aren’t answering my texts or calls, and all I wanna do is make this right. What do you expect me to do?”
“Let it go.”
“Why would I do that?”
“Because, San. What is it to you, anyway?”
“Are you serious?” He sighs, running his hand through his hair. “If you would just give me one second to talk to you—“ He pauses and lets out a frustrated sigh. “Y/N. All I want to do is talk to you and explain. I don’t wanna leave things like this.” He lowers his voice and steps closer to you.
“Then talk.” You cross your arms and shift your weight from one foot to another.
“Y/N, me and Noelle are done with. We’ve been done with for awhile. She’s my ex and we’ve gone through some shit but it’s over with.” He lets out a breath, the air cold and crisp against your skin. “Mingi invited them that night, and I just didn’t wanna cause any issues between us and ruin the night. She threw herself on me and I had been asking her to stop. I didn’t ask her to do that, nor did I want to entertain it. I shouldn’t have left with them though, I knew how that would look, too. I’m sorry. I promise you it meant nothing. I even told Noelle she needed to move on that night. I came back to the club, but you had already left.”
“San.” You shake your head. “Why?”
“Why, what?”
“Why me?”
“Y/N, I really do like you.”
“But, that’s the problem. You don’t even see the issue with this.”
“What issue?!
“Us! That’s the fucking issue, San! We come from such different lives, does that not bother you? We’ll never be on the same page, we’ll never work.” San furrows his brows, trying his hardest to take the blow even though it hurts to.
“Why would you say it like that? I don’t care about how different our lives are. That doesn’t matter to me–”
“It does to me!”
“Why?! I don’t care what people think and so shouldn’t you! Wouldn’t we be enough?”
“It’s so easy for you to say because you don’t know what it’s like to be on my side of things.”
“Then, let me know!” San raises his voice before running his hand through his hair. “Y/N, I would never take advantage of you. Never in my mind did I ever think of you that way. Why won’t you let me be here for you?”
“Because San, you had me thinking I was stupid. I felt like you were here for one thing, and it made me question everything about myself, my life. I hated feeling that way. I even compared myself to Noelle at one point.”
“She’s nothing to me! I’m sorry for having hid that from you, but I didn’t think much of it at the time since the whole thing caught me off guard. She means nothing to me, and we’re done with. I’m sorry.” For some reason, you are torn. You want to believe San, and there is a small part of you that does. However, you still can’t get over the fact that he still kept her close for lord knows how long. What if he was balancing you both at the same time? How could you know he was for sure over her and that this wasn’t just a phase?
“What if this is just a phase to you, huh? What happens when you realize how much we don’t work? That we’re just too different? That maybe she or someone else is a better fit for you all along.” Your bottom lip trembles and even though you try to hide it, San catches on. “This is my life, and it won’t change for awhile.”
“Stop putting words in my mouth and choosing how I should feel. That’s not how this works. I caught feelings for you, Y/N. Genuinely. None of our differences mattered to me, and it won’t ever. I’m sorry you felt that way and that was never my intention.” San says calmly, but god, is he terrified right now. He is anxious. Nervous. Scared. And as much as you wanna cave, you remember you are outside of the club in the freezing cold.
Arguing with San.
“San, you know what? This is enough.”
“Y/N.” He pleads through his tone.
“Please just go home.” You point at the side door before nervously rubbing at your sides. “We should talk about this another time. Not here.”
“O-okay, so are you gonna answer my texts or calls then?”
“I’ll text you, okay?” You look at him with some remorse. Right now, you don’t think you’re ready to talk to him and you probably need to sort out your thoughts before the next time. Or else, you’ll continue to try blaming him, the situation. You’ll continue to deflect, you’ll continue to let San’s words brush over your head because you aren’t used to this genuine attention— these genuine feelings, genuine intentions.
San doesn’t say anything else, but his expression makes your heart break more. You let out a sigh before turning on your heel to get back into the club and finish your shift. As soon as the door shuts and acts as a barrier between you two, a few tears escape your lids. You quickly brush them away and shake off the feelings, storming out onto the main stage to finish your night strongly.
You need Jongho.
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“This fucking sucks.” You tuck your knees to your chest as Jongho sighs and pours you another shot of tequila.
“Why don’t you text him, Y/N? Just talk to him.”
“I’m kinda scared. And nervous.” You take the shot with him.
“Why? He’s literally waiting for you to text him. You’ve just been big sad over him too, don’t you think that’s a sign?”
“What am I supposed to say?”
“Oh, I don’t know, ‘hey, can we talk?’ maybe?” Jongho gives you a look before shaking his head. “I love you, but dude. Get it together. You should just talk to him and stop putting yourself through this. You obviously like the guy and he feels the same way. The whole thing with his ex was just a misunderstanding, too. What exactly are you trying to put off?”
“I think I’m just scared. You know how it was with my ex. He wasn’t nice and also made me feel ridiculously stupid and incompetent for my decisions. Even after the break up.”
“Yeah, but he’s your ex for a reason. San is not the same person.” Jongho pours you another shot. “I understand you’re scared. But, you can’t shield yourself off from everything forever. I truly think he’s a genuinely nice guy.”
“Plus, I worry about him too. How would his friends feel about us being serious? His family, his sister?” 
“I’m sure it’ll all be fine. San isn’t even worried about that, nor does he seem to care. It doesn’t matter where you come from. They should be able to see what kind of person you are and the heart you have.” 
“Mm, yeah. I just worry too much. I don’t want my life to bleed into his and ruin the shit he’s built for himself.”
“It won’t. Jeez, you aren’t a criminal Y/N. You’re great at everything you do and you’re incredibly talented. You have a lot of qualities that could take you far.” There’s another pause, enough for you and Jongho to take the last shot to the neck before you pull out your phone and click on San’s text thread.
“Fuck it.”
“Exactly.” He sips on some soda to wash down the tequila burn. “By the way, I’m never talking about you that way again.” Jongho visibly shudders, making you playfully hit him on the shoulder. 
you: hi, sorry for the random text. can we talk?
You toss your phone aside and dig your face into your hands, nervous about the text back. Granted, it’s only been close to a week and a half after the whole thing went down at the club. Time moves so fast that part of you felt terrible for making San wait in general. But, it should be a testimony to how he truly feels about you.
“What if he’s over it?” You groan into your hands.
“Then at least you know, right? You can close that chapter and move on.” Jongho takes a bite of his chicken. “Highly doubt it though.” At this point, the phone dings behind Jongho and he’s quick to grab it for you— flashing you San’s name on the screen.
“Fuck.” You whine.
san: hey. don’t apologize. of course we can. should i swing by your place soon?
“I’ll drop you off in a bit.”
“Are you sure you’re good? I can ask him to pick me up.”
“Actually, yeah. Ask him.” You chuckle as Jongho pours another shot for himself.
you: yeah, but i’m at jongho’s. do you think you can pick me up?
san: yeah i can, love. just send me the address.
“He always gets so sweet. I can’t do this.” You send San Jongho’s address.
“Yes you can!” Jongho responds. “Here, drink.” He pushes your water glass towards you. “So you don’t feel like shit later.”
san: on my way. 20 mins.
“Thanks for the food and drinks. For letting me be a crybaby. You know, the whole nine.” Jongho chuckles and nudges you on the arm.
“I got you, dude. You’re my bestfriend. I won’t let you go through these things alone.” 
“I guess I’ll keep you updated?”
“Take your time. And just be honest with him, alright? Be straight up about how you feel with everything.”
“I will.” 
When San arrives a bit after 20 minutes, you grab your things and bid your bestfriend farewell. You feel nervous, palms sweating the more you fiddle with your fingers and head down the steps to San’s car. Once you catch wind of him, you pause in your steps just to give yourself a tiny breather before committing and approaching his passenger door. He’s in a black shirt and sweats, glasses sitting on the bridge of his nose. 
“Hey.” You say as you climb in, San giving you a small smile.
“Hey. You good to go?” You buckle your seatbelt and nod, allowing San to drive off to your studio. “Did you work at the shop today?”
“Mhm, I worked an earlier shift to get off at the same time as Jongho.”
“You guys just hung out?”
“Yep. Drank, ate some food. Talked about some things.”
“Some things?”
“You.” You give him a look and he nods.
“Fair enough.”
“What have you been up to?”
“Work. I’ve been working from home lately since there isn’t much requiring me to come into the office.”
“Been busy?”
“Yup, but I’ve seen worse days.” 
“I’m sorry.”
“No need to apologize.” He lets out a small chuckle as he continues to drive on. The rest of the drive to your place is quiet, but nothing feels weird or awkward. It’s surprisingly a comfortable silence and it’s probably due to the fact that you two have missed each other even though you’re both still trying to gather your thoughts.
When he pulls up into a spot on the street, San shuts off the car and immediately runs to your side to help you out. He follows behind as you lead the way, quietly unlocking your door and tossing the keys off to the side. San sits on your couch and lets out a sigh, watching as you plop next to him after grabbing some water.
“Want anything else to drink?”
“I’m okay.” He gives you a small smile. You turn to face him, a leg tucked under the other that’s swung over the edge of the couch.
“Thanks for picking me up.”
“Of course.”
“Can we talk about what’s been happening? I just really need you to be honest with me, that’s all I ask.”
“I’ll always be honest with you, Y/N. It was never my intention to make it seem otherwise.”
“Well, after everything, I did feel pretty stupid. You knew I was already doubting myself after I lost my family and friends because of my decisions. For a second, I felt like you tricked me and that I was stupid not to realize you only wanted me for one thing.” San shakes his head, but he continues to let you talk. “I started questioning myself more and I hated the feeling. I knew I couldn’t be enough for you, or that I was completely different from girls in your past. And it felt terrible. I couldn’t help but jump to conclusions that night because who am I compared to her? I’m living such a different life and I honestly wouldn’t blame you if you realized that.” You shrug. “Anyway, I felt shitty because I genuinely had feelings for you even though I was scared. I still am, especially because I don’t know if this is just a phase or what.” You feel the tears pricking your bottom lids again but you do your best to prevent San from catching on. You look down at your hands, fiddling with your sweater sleeves. You feel San shift closer to you, his hand coming up to your cheek.
“Can you look at me please?” Your eyes shift back up to him, and you feel the butterflies in your stomach the moment you two lock eyes. “I’m so sorry, Y/N. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel that way.” He says softly, his thumb caressing your cheek. “I really didn’t mean to. That whole thing Noelle—” He sighs. “I’m not gonna lie, it’s been a ride with her. But meeting you and getting to know you made me realize how much I didn’t wanna be stuck in that anymore. It made me realize how much I craved normalcy with someone, something that doesn’t have to be so sad and toxic all the damn time.” He lets out a breath. “I know it sounds dumb that it took me all of this to realize, but I mean it. You make me feel things I haven’t felt in such a long time. It feels good.” He does a subtle nod. “I feel happy and good around you.”
“San, you just scare me.” A few tears stream down your cheeks and San is the first to catch them; gently wiping it away while he keeps his eyes locked onto yours. “Our lives are so different, I can’t help but worry about how this is gonna make things turn out in the future. Your family, your friends—”
“My friends are fine, they know how I feel about you. And my family knows they can’t dictate everything about my life. You—” He pauses. “Y/N, you aren’t any different just because of what you do. What matters is the kind of person you are, how you genuinely make me feel. None of that matters.”
“You know it isn’t gonna be that easy.”
“So be it. I know you’re scared, but I’m with you on this.” He runs his other thumb across your lip. “We can figure this out, okay? We can take this slow and figure it out together. I’ll stop heading to the club with the guys and be there for you in many other ways. Just know that I’m gonna support you no matter what, I’m not like everyone else. Fuck all of them.” He gives you a small, reassuring smile. “I’m sorry.” He repeats. You can’t help but lean into his hand and let out a shaky breath, kissing the palm of his hand before returning your gaze on him. His smile grows, making him plant an eager kiss on your forehead, to the tip of your nose.
Lips.
“Are we okay?” He whispers against your lips and you nod. “Can I have you then?” He whispers against your lips in between another kiss. “Make it up to you?” Another kiss. “Show you how I really feel?” You nod, giving San leverage to scoop you into his arms and carry you to your bed. He gently lays you down and is quick to shed off your clothes, admiring every inch of you. San tosses his glasses onto your nightstand before placing random trails of kisses along your body, kissing every scar, every curve, every tattoo; everything about you still continues to drive him crazy. Today, San takes his time. Though he’s eager to show you how you make him feel, he decides he’s gonna take his time with you. 
Even when he laps at your pussy, your clit, making you cum within minutes of being positioned in between your thighs.
Even when he rocks his hips into you— it’s a slow and steady pace, enough to make you feel every inch of him.
Even when he sits back onto his knees, letting you ride him.
His hands run up your sides while your hands are tangled in his hair, rolling your hips against him steadily, slowly, letting him feel every inch of you. He moans against your neck before placing wet kisses on the surface, hands now gripping tighter as he feels himself nearing his high. Everything is so intimate, so raw, so close— San can’t keep his lips off of you and hearing your moans bounce off of the walls adds to the pleasure. Your clit is rubbing deliciously against him, causing you to bite onto his bottom lip before tilting your head back in pleasure.
“Gonna cum, baby.” He groans in between open-mouthed kisses. “Be my good girl and cum with me.” You furrow your brows in pleasure, hands gripping his jaw as you continue to deeply kiss him, your climax heightening at your gut.
“Sannie.” You whine, unable to form any thoughts.
“You know how to fuck me so well. You’re perfect.” He hisses, the pleasure almost feeling too intense with how much he’s having to hold back. You start to rock your hips at a messier pace when you feel yourself climbing, moan loudly and gripping the ends of San’s hair when you finally come undone. He almost whines when he feels you twitch against him, hissing at how good you feel wrapped around him. San quickly lays you back and pounds into you, releasing his seed and painting your walls white. 
The both of you stay stationary for a second, panting and regulating your breathing once you’ve come back down from cloud nine. San brushes the hair away from your face and adoringly looks into your eyes, placing a kiss on your lips before slowly sliding himself out of you.
“Let’s get cleaned up.” He jogs over to your bathroom and turns on the shower, waiting for the water to reach a perfect temperature before grabbing you. 
While in the shower, San makes sure to lather your body with soap, giving your back and shoulders a good massage before rinsing off. You follow suit, giggling when you plop a few bubbles on his nose and cheeks. The best thing about the shower is that San doesn’t pressure you for more, no. He showers you with kisses, surely showing you just exactly what you mean to him through the action alone.
After the shower, you climb into bed with San, letting him take you into his arms while you turn on some music to softly fill the background. He gently strokes your hair, and hums along, keeping you close in his warm embrace.
“San.”
“Yeah?”
“You know what I want to do in the future?”
“What’s that?”
“I wanna own my own dance studio and teach. Help people grow their confidence and embrace their sexiness.” San chuckles. “You know? People get shy about these things or hide because they feel like they can’t dance or be sexy.”
“You’d be an amazing teacher for that.” You giggle.
“Hopefully one day.”
“We’ll make it happen. No matter how long it takes, hm?” He hums. “I got you.” You look up at San and stare at the galaxies he holds in those beautiful, brown orbs. What you did to deserve someone like San, you’ll never know— but you’ll take it as a gift from the universe; a gift that shows how proud the universe is of you for never giving up and for staying true to yourself.
For once, everything feels right. Everything seems to be where it should be. Everything in your life, as it is now, is what’s meant to be. And out of all the changes the universe has brought you, you’re at least thankful for this; for that moment San walked into the club, for the moment you took the first leap.
“You got me?” You tease and he nods.
“I got you.”
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▹ taglist: @itsvxlentine @vantediary @certifiedmoa @asjkdk @bintificreads @frobin4ever @persphonesorchid
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bro-atz · 1 month
Text
prelude in e minor
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in which: your brain tells you to focus on your education, but your heart tells you to focus on professor choi.
pair: professor!san/afab!reader
word count: 4.7k
content: angst, smut, teacher x student relationship (college level, so it's completely legal mind you), san is a cellist, themes of infidelity, soft and sensual, completely consensual!
rated: R | nsfw — minors do not interact
author's note: ...yes, i know, i write a lot of san angst/smut let's move on... also, i don't recommend listening to the song that inspired the title if you don't wanna cry but if you do, listen to the cello ver
network: @cromernet
taglist: @k-hotchoisan @eyeryis @sinnarols @aaasia111 @sunshineangel-reads @hwallazia @dazzlingstarrs @dutchessskarma @yourlocaljonghoe apply for the permanent taglist here! professor!series: yunho pt. 1, yunho pt. 2, san pt. 1, san pt. 2, yeosang, seonghwa
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He seemed too young to be a professor. It could’ve been because he aged beautifully or something along those lines, but he looked too young to be a professor. That was the only logical explanation you could come with as you gazed fondly at the professor you had come to appreciate greatly.
“Good morning, Y/N,” he greeted.
“Good morning, S— I mean Professor Choi,” you caught yourself before you could address him in the professional manner that he hated.
“Still waking up there?” he asked with a chuckle.
“Yeah…”
“That’s alright. I am too.”
He gave you a small smile that made you want to rip your heart out and hand it to him on a silver platter. You had to slap your cheeks to get it together, making the man laugh at your actions— he thought you were trying to wake up, but in reality, you were trying to slap the improper thoughts in your mind.
The thing was Professor Choi San was more than a music teacher— he was an artist. He created beautiful melodies that entranced you. At first, you thought it was the melodies you were falling in love with, but as you paid close attention to him— you had to because how else were you going to learn?— you started to note the little things like the way his well manicured fingers nimbly glided along the strings, the way his hands danced as he drew the bow across, and the way he was so focused on the gorgeous piece of wood between his legs.
Those little things piled on. During your one-on-one lessons with him, you couldn’t help but admire the way a couple strands of his hair would fall over his forehead. You wanted so badly to trace your finger over the constellation of moles on his cheek and neck, and God, you’d do anything to feel his fingers press into you as they explored the exposed parts of your body.
You slapped your face again, startling the man who was busy tuning his cello.
“D-do you need coffee or something, Y/N?” he asked with a look of shock on his face.
“Ah! No, I’m fine. I’m good now,” you declined.
“Alright. Let’s begin.”
The second you laid your eyes on your sheet music, all the dirty thoughts you had swarming your brain about Professor Choi vanished, and you were focused. Your heart may have wanted the professor, but your brain always made you fixate on your degree. Work first, love second.
“Okay, that was a solid run,” he said with a proud beam on his face. “There’s some sections we could clean up… Can you start at the fermata and end at cut time?”
You nodded and did as he asked, your fingers working effortlessly during the first couple of measures, then you struggled slightly when you got to the run. It was only the run that got you, honestly, because the section after was solid, but after fucking up the run, you messed up the rest of it.
“That gliss is not fun,” your professor noted after you muddled through the rest of that section. “Start slowly. Get the fingerings down for it first.”
That was the issue. You weren’t used to the key signature of the piece, and you had marked up the notes that were in the run, but that simply wasn’t enough. You worked through the notes slowly, but you still kept messing up here and there. Sighing deeply after messing up the run for the nth times, you lowered your bow and cracked your neck, hoping that making yourself less stiff would help.
“Here,” Professor Choi finally spoke up after watching you struggle for what felt like an eternity. He set his cello in its stand and walked over to you, your breath hitching at the sight of him approaching you. “Let’s go over the notes together.” 
Your mind was scrambling and your heart was racing when you felt San’s arms wrap around you, one hand over yours on your bow and the other one matching the placement of your fingers. You thought you were going to lose your damn mind especially when you got a good whiff of his cologne, but when you focused on the pages in front of you, your mind returned to work mode.
He ran through the notes painfully slowly with you, his warm touch turning hot and starting to burn a hole through your skin, but you were so hyper-fixated on the run that you didn’t realize how your body was reacting to him. Finally, Professor Choi let go of you, but he stood right behind you as you went through the run all on your own, this time acing it.
“Oh my God,” you turned around and looked at him happily, your eyes sparkling. “I thought it was going to take longer for me to get that!”
“You’re a fast learner, Y/N. Be more confident in yourself,” the professor responded, his body still right behind you.
You gave him a quick nod and turned back in your seat so you could play the run over and over again, your fingers dancing on the strings as you mastered something new today.
Professor Choi returned to his seat, his cello immediately going between his legs before he could even sit properly. He sat and watched as you went through the entire section perfectly. He was in trance until you called his name and asked for the next section.
Those moments when the professor physically helped you learn the sections you were messing up were the moments you lived for. Sometimes, you considered intentionally failing a section just so you could have him near you because you knew that you could never be with him. He was your professor, and that’s all he was ever going to be. And the other thing was that he had that gold band wrapped around his ring finger. It was never going to happen. You just had to settle for these small, stolen moments.
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Usually, you were good. Hell, you were fucking amazing and talented; after all, if you weren’t, you never would’ve been accepted into your esteemed college of music. However, you were all sorts of off during this solo lesson.
Why? Because of that man. He always wore a three piece suit that always reminded you of dark academia fashion— he apparently had no idea what that was— but today, he took the jacket and the vest off. The sleeves to his button up were rolled up, exposing his thick, sturdy forearms, and his biceps bulged as he held his cello in place. God dammit, how on earth was his suit jacket able to hide Professor Choi’s insane build?
And so, you were distracted as fuck, and you kept messing up— well, it was a combination of him and the sheet music you were sight reading when you were supposed to have practiced it before the lesson.
“Again,” your professor said, his low voice interrupting the pathetic, quivering notes of your cello.
Professor Choi was a patient man, but you had messed up so many times that you could see the frustration on his face, his eyebrows getting more furrowed by the second.
You took a deep breath and started again, your eyes fixated on the notes on the sheet. You were doing a solid job until you looked up at Professor Choi during one of the rests and saw him standing with his arms crossed over his chest. Your rest went on for too long, and you fumbled trying to get back into the song, only for the notes to come out wrong and really wrong.
“Stop,” he said, startling you so much that you nearly dropped your bow. He took his glasses off— fuck, he looked so good even with his glasses off— and rubbed his temples before sighing and putting them back on.
His eyes met yours, and the second you made eye contact, you noticed the tiny little mole above his eye, your gaze softening as you admired it. “Hey,” he snapped you out of your trance. “Look at me.”
You did as he asked, and your heart skipped several beats. You had never seen this look on his face before, this look of concern with his lips nearly pouting, his eyebrows furrowed, his eyes sharp. You could barely breathe normally as he approached you and knelt by your chair.
“Is something wrong?” he asked, his voice a lot softer from the strict tone it was at earlier, making your heart pound faster than the vivace tempo on your sheet music.
Yes. I need you to wear your goddamn jacket before I lose my fucking mind.
“No, Mr. Choi, I’m fine” you replied, your voice nearly cracking and exposing your lie because you were not fine. However, you didn’t have to lie as you continued, “I just didn’t prepare for the piece today. I’m sight-reading it right now.”
“It’s not the piece, Y/N. You’re excellent at sight-reading.” Professor Choi clearly didn’t buy it, a knowing glint shining in his narrowed eyes. “You seem to be distracted. What’s going on?”
“It’s nothing. I’m fine. I’m just tired, is all.”
“These early morning lessons must be getting to you,” he mumbled, finally letting you off the hook. “We’ll switch your timings to the evening, is that okay?”
“Yes, thank you.”
Truth be told, you liked the early morning lessons because it allowed you to have the rest of the day to yourself. But, you also didn’t mind the evening lessons, because that meant your lesson could go over time if needed.
“You know,” Professor Choi spoke softly, nearly making you jump as you didn’t realize he was still by your chair. He placed his hand on your knee and said, “You can always come to me if something is troubling you.”
“I know…”
“Good. Okay, let’s just stop here for today. Next week, we’ll meet in the evenings, okay?”
“Okay,” you felt like you could finally breathe the second he got up and walked to his chair across from yours, the knot in your stomach untangling.
“And be sure to have that sheet music perfected.”
Fuck.
“Okay.”
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Next week had yet to come, and you were all sorts of antsy in the days leading up. It was just your normal lesson with the same professor, but at least with a morning lesson you were so drained from the night before that it made it easier to focus on lessons instead of fawning over Professor Choi.
You were wandering around campus as you waited for your friends to get out of class— your class ended well before theirs, so you always had time to kill. You decided to head to the campus coffee shop and look over the sheet music for your lesson when you spotted him.
Immediately, your heart tightened. You knew about the gold band, you remember staring at the gold band and thinking how nice it would be if you had a matching one, but you completely forgot that there was a person who had the actual matching ring, and she was standing right next to him.
The woman was beautiful with long, dark, flowing hair that cascaded down her shoulders and back, her looks completely complimenting her husband’s. And then, hugging his waist as he supported her, you saw his daughter, a beautiful blend of both him and his wife.
You knew he had a family. You knew it, but that didn’t stop your heart from weeping. Rather than continuing to wait for your friend, you rushed back to your dorm, and you shut yourself in before leaning against the door and sinking to the ground.
You had no reason to cry. You shouldn’t have fallen for the professor in the first place, and this was the price you had to pay. You should’ve listened to logic, listened to your brain over your heart, and none of this would’ve been happening.
You couldn’t focus on anything at all— it was to the point where you literally just sobbed over your sheet music, your tears staining the pages of the perfectly preserved original sheet. So, you spent the rest of that week throwing yourself a pity party. The image of him, his wife, and his child burned into your eyes and brain, and every time you thought about it, it made you cry all over again.
Why did you have to go fall in love with a married man?
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Thankfully, your eyes were not red when you met with Professor Choi for your evening lesson, but your heart still hurt, and your brain was all fuzzy. Worst of all, you didn’t perfect the sheet music as he had asked. Perfect.
You played a grand total of six notes before Professor Choi stopped you.
“Stop lying to me. Clearly, something’s up with you,” he sounded irritated, but his tone was soft, as if he was frustrated not by you, but because of lack of understanding. “What’s going on? Are you okay?”
God, you hated when people asked you that. No matter what the circumstance was, the words “Are you okay?” always made you cry. Your eyelashes fluttered as you looked down at your lap in attempt to keep the tears inside without making it clear to him that you were about to start crying just as you had been for the past several days.
But he noticed anyway. He quickly placed his cello on his stand before crossing the room and sitting right next to you. He gently took your cello and bow out of your hands, allowing you to just bury your face in the palms of your hands.
“Hey, talk to me,” he said softly. His hands pulled yours away from your face. He held one of your hands while quickly wiping the tears from the corner of your eye with the other, his eyes filled with worry. “You can trust me.”
“I’m just having trouble coming to terms with some things in my life,” you told him, intentionally being vague to protect your feelings. “I haven’t been able to focus all weekend because of it.”
“Do you want to talk about—”
“No,” you refused before he could even finish his sentence.
“I think talking it through would be help—”
You cut him off again by saying somewhat harshly, “I can’t and won’t talk about it with you.”
You shakily exhaled heavily, tears still filling your vision. You got up and tried to get your things and leave, but Professor Choi wasn’t done with you yet. He got up as well and grabbed your arm, turning you around to face him. He had a firm grip on you, but he made sure not to hurt you— he just didn’t want you to run away.
“What do you mean?” he asked you, his voice full of hurt. “Why can’t you talk to me about it?”
You kept quiet and avoided eye contact. You just wanted to get out of there and get away from him before you completely broke down. Yet, you couldn’t because he had both your arms pinned on either side of you, his firm hold on you making it impossible to get away from him.
“It’s because of me, right?”
You pressed your lips together and gave up. You gave up trying to get away, trying to not cry, and trying to deny your feelings. You responded with a tiny nod. Professor Choi let go of you immediately, a sudden realization dawning on him.
“God, uh, Y/N… I’m so sorry— I shouldn’t have grabbed you like that. You must be so uncomfortable… No wonder you’re acting like this. I— I thought I was careful in hiding my feelings, but you must’ve realized it… Shit, Y/N, seriously, I’m so sorry.”
His feelings? What? Your eyes dried up immediately and flew wide open, and your brain went from crying to just pure confusion. There were about a million questions you wanted to ask him, but there was only one you could squeak out.
“What?”
“You’re uncomfortable because I have feelings for you, right?”
He… He what? He has feelings for you? He has feelings for you?
“I didn’t… I didn’t know…”
“Then… Why…?”
“Because I’m in love with you, Pro— No, San,” you said his name for the first time out loud.
San exhaled and ran his fingers through his hair. He, too, had a million questions on his mind, but before he could utter any of them, you continued.
“But… I shouldn’t be. It’s wrong, and you’re already—”
“Don’t,” San covered your mouth with his hand. “Don’t say it’s wrong. Don’t say what we both feel is wrong.”
And with that, San moved his hand to your cheek, and he guided you to his embrace. He wrapped an arm around your waist and cupped your face as he gave you a tender kiss charged with all of the feelings he had for you right there in the practice room. You clutched the collar of his shirt as you pushed yourself further into his kiss, his embrace reciprocating by pulling you closer to him.
Everything was a blur after that. The two of you packed up your instruments and left campus quickly, only to end up at a hotel, your shoes flying off the second you entered the room. San was impatient the second you got into the room, but he didn’t rush a single thing. His kisses may have been intense, but in the same breath, they were gentle and kind. He hugged you while still kissing you and brought you to the hotel bed so that he could pin you down, his lips unable to get enough of yours.
He kept sighing your name, his husky voice making you yearn for him more, making you lust for him more. You slipped his tie off and tossed it somewhere quickly so you could start to work on his buttons. San groaned as he felt your fingers graze and move down his exposed chest, your hand going further as you continued unbuttoning. When there were no more buttons left for you, your hand cupped his clothed cock, the huge bulge aching to spring forward. You heard a hitch in San’s breath as you stroked him from the outside, and when you worked on his belt, he dropped his head to the nook of your neck and let out a little laugh along with a pleasureful sigh.
“San,” you murmured as he nuzzled his nose into your neck, his lips leaving faint kisses in the process. “God, San… I want you so bad…”
“Is that so?” he responded in the same register.
He raised his head to meet your gaze, the two of you breathing heavily in unison. You gazed at his face and brought your hand to his face as you looked at the moles on his face, the moles you couldn’t help but love, the moles that you wanted to connect. You started with the one near his eye and lightly trailed your nail along his face to trace across the ones on his face then the ones on his neck. Your eyes had been following the path of your finger, so when you stopped and rested your hand on his neck, you looked to see him softly smiling, his eyes exuding affection. He kissed you again, but it was a slow kiss, a long kiss, a kiss that made shivers run from the top of your head to the tips of your toes.
“I don’t think I can wait any longer,” you whispered to him when the kiss ended.
Wordlessly, San sat up, revealing just a sliver of his bare torso. He shed his dress shirt and let it fall to the ground. You stared at him in awe— he had such broad shoulders and a tiny waist, not to mention the thickness of his muscles, his entire being making you want him more and more.
The ethereal view of the stunning man didn’t last long. He moved back towards you and pulled your shirt off, then bra, then pants, then panties. His head remained down by your crotch after he stripped you bare, his finger nearing and teasing your clit while his other hand pushed your thigh upwards, your calf nearly resting on his shoulder.
“You’re even beautiful down here,” you barely heard him say, flushing your entire body with warmth and slight embarrassment.
The second you felt San’s tongue against your clit, your entire body reacted. You gripped the sheets with your fingers and toes, and your back arched, the man’s singular action enough to drive you crazy. He then sucked on your clit as he slid two fingers into your cunt, his fingers spreading inside you the deeper they went. You moaned and sighed loudly the more he catered to you down there, the pleasure starting to build up in your stomach.
As soon as he prepped you enough, San moved away from you, disappointment and slight fear seeping into your brain. He got off the bed and pulled a condom out of his wallet before removing the rest of his clothes. You saw his cock spring up, the thickness and length of it scaring you slightly. You bit your knuckle as you watched him roll it on, his hand stroking his dick slowly as he climbed back onto the bed.
San got back on the bed and knelt between your legs. He continued stroking while placing his other hand flat on your stomach. You watched as he licked his lower lip while rubbing the tip along your folds, and he bit his lower lip when he started pushing into you. He exhaled long and lowly as he fully entered you while you opted for a quiet moan. You could feel his every single movement the deeper his cock drove into you, his girth alone starting a fire in your belly.
His thrust following, however, was not as kind. He had moved his hand from your stomach to your waist, and he was gripping your waist in a way that made you have feelings of desire, a feeling you hadn't felt from another man in a while. He didn’t rut into you with his full force, which made you scared for when he did because the feeling his waist hitting yours already made your thighs sting. Plus, every time he pulled out, you felt like you could feel your walls being ripped out, making your eyes watery. You grabbed the pillow behind your head and tore holes in the pillowcase while you squeezed your teary eyes shut as San started speeding up, short, labored breaths leaving both you and the man.
You felt his hand over yours, making you open your eyes to a tear-blurred sight of San above you. His neatly styled hair was now slightly wet with sweat and shadowing his eyes, and you could see him gritting his teeth as he looked at you with narrowed, lusty eyes. His hands moved to lace his fingers with yours. A tiny bubble of his perspiration rolled down his nose and dropped to your cheek, the heat from the sweat making the blush on your cheeks deepen.
“You…” San sighed as he continued rolling his body into yours. “You’re so beautiful… Exactly how I imagined you would look— Hnngh— under me…”
“San— Ah!” You wanted to respond to him, but he finally used the entirety of his strength to ram his cock deep inside you, the action completely taking you by surprise. You flung your head back and cried his name loudly as he relentlessly thrust into you.
White filled your vision when you felt him hit your cervix, and you could only continue to see white as he leaned further into you, making your back leave the bed and his cock rut into you at a different angle. You came hard, your walls clenching, your fingers squeezing his, your tears escaping your eyes, your arousal squirting out of you.
You thought he would cum, that the experience would be over, but San wasn’t about to let this moment end so fast— he only had the one condom, and he wanted to fuck you longer, harder. He grabbed your waist and lifted you so that he was sitting on the bed and you were sitting on his lap, his cock still inside you and somehow filling you up more than it had when he had you splayed on the bed.
His hands guided you. They went under your ass, and he did most of the heavy lifting for you were still recovering from your first orgasm of the night. You held onto his shoulders and looked down at his face as he looked up at you, the two of you sharing your thoughts wordlessly. You brought your lips to his and let his tongue violate yours. Your hips moved slightly, your body rolling into his as he continued to assist you riding him.
You pushed San’s shoulders back, making him lay on the bed and you on his chest. His hips were still moving, still going, still ramming into yours, and his large hands were holding, groping, squeezing your ass. You, meanwhile, started leaving kisses on his beautiful, olive toned skin. Your hands wandered over his chest, your fingers running over his nipples and making his breath hitch. He groaned deeply and spread your asscheeks as he moved your waist forcefully, his hips continuing to ram his cock into you from below.
“S-San,” you whimpered as you started to see stars cloud your vision. “I’m a-almost—”
San brought one of his hands up to hold the back of your head and bring your face to his so he could kiss you as the two of you came. You moaned and cried softly into his mouth as you felt a deep sigh rumble in his chest. Your pussy and his cock both twitched and throbbed, and when he pulled out, you felt as though you were empty, that you needed him to be inside you to make you whole again.
You wanted to tell him to fuck you again, but before you could, he got off the bed. He helped you to your feet and said quietly, “Go take a shower first.”
There was something ominous about the way he said that, but you listened to him regardless. He showered shortly after you finished yours, and while you were sitting on the bed trying to situate yourself, he emerged fully clothed, a dark look painting his face.
“Y/N,” he said, his tone curt but sorrowful. “We can never do this again.”
“W-What?”
“I made a mistake… I’m sorry. You can stay here tonight since the room is paid for, but make sure you check out in the morning.”
San tried to turn to leave, but you grabbed his arm before he could even take one step towards the door.
“What do you mean? You’re the one who told me not to say this was wrong, so why are you all of a sudden changing your mind?!” you didn’t want to yell at him, but you felt so wronged that you couldn’t help it.
He removed his hand from your arm and looked at you, the affection in his eyes now fully replaced by disappointment and regret.
“I know… I did say that. But, Y/N, I shouldn’t have… It was my mistake, and I don’t want to make it again.”
San turned to leave again, but you hugged him from behind, making him stop in his tracks. You buried your face into his broad back and started crying, your tears staining the fabric of his dress shirt. “I love you, San! I love you, so please don’t do this to me,” you sniffled. 
He remained motionless in your embrace, slightly defeated. But, he managed to wriggle out of your arms as he said. “I love you, too; but I also love my family, and I shouldn’t have done this to them. I’m sorry, Y/N. We never should’ve done this.”
The words rang in your ears long after San had left the room. You buried your face in your hands and bawled your eyes out as regret filled your body.
He was right. You never should’ve done it. At least your heart wouldn’t have completely shattered if you didn’t.
556 notes · View notes
thecarnivaloflies · 1 month
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atz fic recs [maknae line]
navigation
a record of the fics i've stumbled across. i'm a slow reader and there are a lot of fics by these talented writers mentioned here and the ones unmentioned that i haven't had the chance to read yet, so this will be an ongoing rec list! authors and readers, please let me know if a link or any part of this needs to be fixed ♡
pairings and general themes are mentioned, please check the author's specific warnings before reading. and minors, please dni with fics that have highlighted smut warnings.
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blushing red by @atozfic
barista!san x f!reader (frenemies to lovers, angst, fluff, smut)
how did choi san go from wanting to protect you like a big brother to wanting to ruin you with his own two hands?
lessons in law by @atozfic
lawyer tutor dilf!san x lawstudent!reader (smut)
sometimes, there’s nothing wrong with an oral exam.
incubus: coming of age by @byuntrash101
incubus!san x f!reader (smut)
being in love with your boss, doctor jeong yunho, is a nightmare. unlike this dream you're having right now of him gently kissing you in the middle of the night. but something feels off. doctor jeong doesn't quite sound like himself...
push & pull by @atxxzist
san x reader x (ft. seonghwa) (fluff, angst, smut)
finally moving to the big city to pursue your college education, you expected many things; your cousin’s bullshits being one of them. new and fascinating attractions, more interesting people, maybe a more busy and bustling nightlife, but mainly a new start as a now full fledged adult. but not even upon arrival, you’ve already met your cousin’s stupidly handsome and sweet, friend and housemate. And later when you have a run-on encounter with another; a boy who sports some dimples that you think are too cute for its own good, as well as some hollowed cheeks and sharp jawline that could slice up a bitch, your new start might have just gotten more complicated than it should be
with a touch of sweetness by @atxxzist
san x f!reader (fluff, angst)
working at a cafe, you have to deal with a certain customer with dimples who always like his iced coffee extra sweet
golden hour by @hwaightme
bf!san x f!reader (fluff, smut)
in the busy urban jungle, one fateful night at a jazz bar, choi san met his angel of light. from then on, each moment is a breathtaking golden hour, your love a wondrous duet.
in the quiet spaces by @honeyhotteoks
san x reader (fluff, smut)
a quiet morning snowed in at the cabin with san
back to you by @ateezmakemeweep
badboy!san x reader (fluff, angst, smut)
a part of you wishes that you listened to wooyoung more carefully when he first warned you about his roommate. that you really sat down and considered what your best friend of six years was telling you, so warningly and cautiously, almost with a preconceived look of fear and sympathy in his eyes. like he knew, in just a matter of months, you’d be completely ruined and destroyed by the first boy you’d ever been with. “whatever you do, y/n, please, just stay away from choi san, okay?” wooyoung begged quietly, his tone the most serious and soft spoken you’d heard in your life from him. “you have to promise me.” but you heard the words and pushed them off carelessly, promised him with a roll of your eyes and a scoff that followed that of course, if he really wants, you’d stay away from choi san.
churchboy!san by @ateezmakemeweep
(smut, oneshot)
prince!san; arranged marriage au by @ateezmakemeweep
(angst, fluff, smut, oneshot)
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one new message by @hwaightme
mingi x reader (angst)
notifications from mingi lose meaning when you crack the code behind them, and goodbyes become easier once the rain begins to fall.
the 5 times you want mingi to stay + the 1 time he does by @ateezmakemeweep
fuckbuddy!au (angst, fluff, smut)
it's always been you by @ateezmakemeweep
mingi x reader (fluff, smut, friends to lovers au)
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why'd you only call me when you're high by @kitten4sannie
exbf!wooyoung x afab!reader (angst, smut)
when your toxic ex gave you a call late at night, you knew exactly what was up. you weren’t dumb. he was high again. and he wanted you.
place in me by @starrysvn
chef!wooyoung x chef!gn!reader (angst, fluff, ex to lovers)
body talk | dirty talk | pillow talk by @jungxkook
fwb!wooyoung x innocent!reader (fluff, smut, friends with benefits au)
so maybe asking your best friend to take your virginity is wrong for a number of reasons, but you swear you’re still just friends. nothing more, nor less
little things by @jungxkook
husband!wooyoung x reader (fluff, smut, slice of life au) 
if there’s one thing you know for certain about wooyoung, it’s how competitive he can be—and trying to give you a baby is just another task you’re confident he’ll try his best to see through
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get close to me by @honeyhotteoks
jongho x reader (smut)
you're pretty sure he hates you. and you know you hate him, until a night out turns upside down.
cuts & curses [part 1] [part 2] by @serendipityunho
boxer!jongho x f!reader (smut, college au)
jongho may have been an out-of-nowhere-shoulder to cry on but he definitely proved he could be more than that when you found yourself taking your throne on his thighs. jongho didn’t need much convincing to come home with you and find himself between your legs after a long day battling off his arch-nemesis from your feelings.
zemblanity by @in-san-ity
jongho x reader (fluff, angst, smut, mafia au)
jongho could be compared to a black cat with the amount of bad luck he brings to your life. ironic that he becomes your guard dog.
541 notes · View notes
seonghwaddict · 8 months
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one more minute — choi san
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synopsis. midnight snacks and kisses in the kitchen. pairing. choi san x fem!reader. genre. established relationship. fluff. warnings. a little, tiny make out sesh but nothing else. wc. 0.6k.
[ listening to . . . ] rises the moon by liana flores.
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your eyes fluttered open to be met with darkness, the first thing you noticed was the arm draped around your waist. turning your head to look behind you, you caught sight of your dear boyfriend, san, sleeping soundly, his face lit by the dim moonlight seeping in through the gaps in the curtains.
silent snores left his mouth and you smiled, wondering how on earth you were lucky enough to call this perfect man yours. but the silent moment of admiring him was ruined when your stomach grumbled quietly, reminding you what you woke up for. after taking one last look at san and pressing a light kiss to his forehead, you wiggled yourself out of his grip without waking him up and walked down to the kitchen for some food.
you grabbed a paper plate and put a slice of pizza from the night before on it, placing it in the microwave. then you grabbed a mug, filled it with water and set it next to the paper plate before closing the microwave's door, pressing some buttons and starting it up.
a familiar arm wrapped around your waist from the back as san’s other arm brushed your hair away from your neck, nuzzling his face into it as he dropped the hand to wrap it around your waist as well. he placed gentle pecks on your neck and shoulder, nudging the fabric of your neckline to the side to access as much of your soft skin as possible.
you chuckled and turned your face to the side, your eyes meeting his soft brown ones. without averting your eyes, you turned in his grip and wrapped your arms around him in a warm hug. he smelled faintly of peppermint and the shampoo you keep in your bathroom.
you pulled away from each other and he moved his fingertips under your shirt, his knuckles brushing against your sides. his touch sent sparks and goosebumps travelling through your whole body, a feeling you were well acquainted with.
“i love you," he whispered, lips brushing against yours.
you smiled, muttering a heartfelt, "i love you, too."
he leaned his face in and your lips connected in a kiss, moving in a slow and synchronised rhythm, lips slotting together like perfect puzzle pieces. instinctively, your hands travelled up and tangled themselves in his already messy chestnut locks of hair. his grip on your waist tightened, trying to close every remaining millimetre of space between your bodies.
he bit down on your bottom lip, his hands simultaneously gliding up and down your waist, fingertips brushing just beneath your breasts before dropping to your hips and squeezing twice. knowing what that meant with him, you jumped up and warped your legs around his torso, his firm hands supporting you under your thighs. as if you had done this multiple times before—which you have—he turned and set you on the empty counter behind him, standing between your legs.
you continued, your kisses turning desperate and bruising. but before he could take it any further, the microwave's timer rang and you pulled away with a mischievous smile and flushed cheeks. your boyfriend groaned as you inched your way around him and got off the counter to grab your food.
"baby," he whined, drawing out the last syllable, "just… one more minute?"
"i don't want my food to get cold," you laughed and took a bite of the pizza, a playful pout on your lips. "you’re very needy when you're tired."
"at least give me some of the pizza?"
you considered it for a moment before turning and walking to the living room with a broad grin. "i’m not your mom, you can get it yourself, love," you called over her shoulder, resisting the urge to giggly at his dumbfounded expression.
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  [ lilo's notes ... ] i’m a little sick so updates on both the event and nsn will be a bit slow. but anyways, here’s a little san drabble i wrote at 3 am :>
  [ networks ... ] @cromernet @blankjournal
  [ perm taglist — open ... ] @ad0rechuu @sankatchu
1K notes · View notes
ennysbookstore · 3 months
Text
The Art of Climbing the Corporate Ladder Part I (San x Reader)
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Summary: Left alone in the aftermath of your devastating break-up, you dive head-first into the cutthroat world of corporate success. On your ascend to the top, you take on the challenge of training Choi San, a new hire who is not only irresistibly charming and attractive but also surprisingly endearing. But who exactly is he?
Word Count: 14.48k LMAO
Genre/Warnings: slowburn, strangers to friends to lovers lol, touch-starved!reader x attentive!san, good amounts of angst, suggestive kissing (?), reader is an abomination of my worst fears and insecurities haha, fluff, San being an absolute cutie, cursing, adult language, mentions of alcohol, mentions of death, somewhat inaccurate representation of the corporate world, byeol erasure for plot convenience lol, wooyoung and yunho cameos, do I even need to mention the verb tenses anymore?
Author's Note: Fucking around and finding out how to format things on Tumblr BUT here she is!! A whole 2 days early in honor of hitting 100 followers 🥹 I'm really proud of this fic and also flabbergasted as to how quickly I was able to come up with it. I'm really getting back into my rhythm with my writing, so I would love you guys forever if you reblog and comment <3 Please let me know what you think!! It gives me an insane serotonin boost (and motivation to keep writing) to read your comments and tags!! Much love to you all <3
🎧 playlist 🎧: dean: die 4 you 🐈‍⬛ tabber: being 🐈‍⬛ yerin baek: interlude 🐈‍⬛ bibi: hongdae r&b 🐈‍⬛ OoOo: fuxxin' love 🐈‍⬛ so!yoon!: love (a secret visitor) 🐈‍⬛ sogumm & keumbee: salt rain
This is a work of fiction, and it is not meant to be a realistic representation of any real person mentioned in any way, shape, or form.
Should there come a time for you to be thankful for living in a capitalist world, you would forever be in debt to the fact that there was always work to be done. It was an undeniable truth. No matter the time, no matter the circumstances, there was always work to be done, and after your complicated break-up with your ex of three years, you reveled in that truth. 
Spending a month rotting away in the confines of your apartment left you feeling ridiculously undesirable and stupid, so you did what any responsible adult would do. Fall into the capitalist scheme of climbing the corporate ladder. 
Your sudden rigor at work didn’t go unnoticed, and over a year’s time, you swiftly began moving out of the miserable rut you had been stuck in for the past three years. There were no lies within work. The numbers were the numbers, and the reports were the reports, and work was the undeniable truth you had come to admire. 
So every morning, you started getting up early, got in your exercise, made a bitter black coffee, and walked to work in the sleek black pumps you drunkenly purchased the night of your epiphany. 
You had followed the routine without fail for the past year and half and weren’t planning on stopping, which is why when your alarm rang at 5:30 am this morning, you got up without a moment of doubt and went about your day.
You had exercised, showered, and dressed before the sun even had a chance to rise on the mid-January morning. In your quiet apartment, your coffee machine whirred to life. As your cup of drip coffee began filling, you rolled your neck and glanced down at your phone to view your meticulously planned day. 
Waiting for the cup to cool, you checked your emails. After doing so, you blew on the deep brown drink and shot the liquid quickly down your throat. The bitter taste lingered as you filled up a travel mug with fresh black coffee. 
When you arrive at work, well before the rest of the floor, you turn on your computer and begin making your way down the lists of tasks. As the time passes, the floor fills with people, and the sunlight seeps through the window of the high-rise. 
Drowning out the chatter, you continue typing away at emails and reports. Some hours later, when your black coffee is done, you finally get up. You send polite nods and small smiles towards your co-workers on your way to the breakroom. Washing your cup, you circle your stiff neck to relieve your back. When you’re filling your mug up at the cooled dispenser, the door to your floor is opened and followed by a loud laugh. 
From your spot behind the dispenser, you watch Ms. Daisy, the senior human resources head, engaged in a deep conversation with a man much taller and wider than her petite frame. She points out certain departments on the floor and then continues to introduce each team member. 
Her small stature and heavy Southern accent turned her into your confidant when you were beginning to make your way out of the fourth floor cubicle you had been trapped in for the past three years. You wouldn’t be on the 22th floor of the same building today if it hadn’t been her grandmotherly nurturing and endless advice.
You slow at screwing your mug shut when you catch a glimpse of the man with her. Hovering a good foot over Ms. Daisy, he wore a crisp white button down tucked into black dress pants. His broad shoulders and small waist are accentuated by the simple outfit. His long-ish deep black hair is pushed back, and a soft dimple decorates his cheeks as he shakes the hands of the graphic design team. Plain black framed glasses sat on his nose bridge. His eyes close into small crescents as Ms. Daisy shares a joke.
You watch the two of them finish making their rounds to the rest of the teams. They stand in the middle of the floor as Ms. Daisy’s head whips in different directions until her eyes finally land on you making your way back to your desk. Calmly, you manage to hit print on a file you had left open on your screen to give you a quick escape, should you need one. 
“Oh honey, there you are!” She walks with quick, bouncy steps, the man at her side following. “This is the new hire I was telling you about,” she points her thumb to the man. He shoots his dimpled smile your way, and you send him a quick nod. “With Michael on paternity leave, we had to find a quick mentor replacement for you,” she turns back to him, clasping her hands together. “Luckily for us, this one is always up for a challenge! But I wouldn’t fret, you’re in incredibly capable hands.” 
You had taken the opportunity the moment it made itself known. Training a new hire to the best of your abilities was in your best interest, and there wasn’t a better time than now to take on the challenge. With the final quarter evaluations of the year having been wrapped up on a high note, the company was looking to take some risks with their marketing approach. Your current project manager was on the cusp of retirement and failing to meet the expectations of the significantly younger board of directors. 
The upcoming experimental quarter project was looking like your shot to what you had been working for in the past year, and if training a new hire was a stepping stone to get you there, you were more than willing to stack the load onto your already hefty plate.
The new hire holds out his large hand for you to shake, “San. Choi San.” You greet him back kindly but don’t make an attempt to shake his hand, instead choosing to view it apprehensively. 
Before the moment has the chance to become uncomfortable, Ms. Daisy wraps her hands around San’s outstretched one and says, “This young lady is our ‘jack of all trades’. She’s got great analytical skills, attention to detail, and oh, don’t even get me started on her presentations!” You look to the side at Ms. Daisy’s compliments. “I’d recommend you make the best of these next few weeks Mr. Choi, you’re getting a chance to learn from and work with the best we’ve got.”
“I plan to Ms. Daisy,” his dimple dents further into his cheek. 
With some more pleasantries exchanged between the three of you, Ms. Daisy leaves you and the new hire to yourselves. 
“Let’s get you introduced to the rest of the team,” you point him in the direction of your colleagues. You take him to the data analyst and SEO strategist who work isolated in the corners of the floor. Then, you take him to the content marketer and visual designer who’ve opted to join their desks together. San eagerly greets the rest of the team you were assisting in managing with a friendly smile. Finally, you take him to his desk, which is set up right across from yours.
San doesn’t sit down and looks around the floor. “What about the boss man?” he laughs confusedly. “The team’s manager? Lush…pin?”
You look across to the clock hung above the water dispenser that reads 10:24 am and turn to San with a sigh. “He’s probably not going to be here until well after noon.”
Not wanting to sit yet either, you decide to grab the report from the copier room. San walks beside you and asks, “Has he already started on the quarter project? I was told we don’t get briefed until tomorrow.”
“We don’t, but he usually doesn’t get here until then anyways,” you tell him. You catch your antagonizing tone as you enter the copier room and clear your throat. San completing a mentor review was on the cards, and you were aiming for a positive outcome. The probability of that would be low if you continued to offhandedly complain about your incompetent project manager on his first day. “So, what department are you looking to be working in?” you attempt to engage. 
“I don’t really know,” he shrugs. “Whoever will take me in, I guess.” 
Standing in front of the copier, distaste grows in you at his nonchalant tone. From the other training mentorships you’d observed, the trainees were motivated and driven. They had a clear goal in mind and were willing to work hard at it. You’d assumed your trainee would be the same and weren’t expecting or looking to train someone who wasn’t serious. You clear your throat again and ask, “You were hired for a reason. There’s got to be a department you’re gravitating towards.” 
San pushes the frames of his glasses higher up on his nose and leans against the wall where the old machine is working to print pages. You watch the way his shirt stretches against the flexing skin of upper arms. The copier clicks to a pause before starting up again. “I think working in design would be cool?” he settles on the statement unsurely. 
You hum at his response and say, “We can look over your submitted portfolio, and I can give you some pointers when we get the time.” Your offer sends his gaze to the floor, and he nods with a tight-lipped smile. 
As the copier spits out more pages of the report, you eye San. There was no doubt he was attractive and filled into his frame, but with a closer view, you noticed his shirt hadn’t been ironed or tucked in properly into his dress pants. 
Feeling your eyes on him, San straightens his back and puffs out his chest with bravado. You wanted to roll your eyes but remain professional. The copier coughs out the final stapled copies of last year's report, and as you tap the sheets to line up, you look San up and down one more time. He lets you lead the way out with a sweet smile returning to his face, and as you’re doing so, over your shoulder, you tell him, “Your shirt tag is sticking out.”
***** 
Working in marketing research wasn’t a demanding job, and a year ago, you were comfortable in your tiny cubicle on the fourth floor of your company building. Decorated with memorabilia from your time at university and pictures of your loved ones, it wasn’t a bad place. You were even close to the window which gave you a view of the never-tiring city and its thousands of occupants walking to their destinations. Everyone on the floor kept to themselves for the most part and didn’t mingle much. 
But it had become just that. Too comfortable. After your break-up, the memorabilia and photographs seemed as if they were accumulating thick layers of dust around their edges. From the window, you began recognizing regulars who would walk across the street to the tiny coffee shop during the lunch rush. Looking over to the other occupied cubicles only reminded you of your own stagnancy. 
You wanted to get out, and now being higher up in the building, you finally felt as if you could breathe beyond the stuffy cubicle floor. When you looked down at the moving traffic down below now, the faces were too small to be even differentiated. This time, you kept your desk void of personal items and instead left reminders of due dates or lists of tasks that had to be accomplished. It was like being above the gray rain clouds of your past self. The sun shone brighter, and there were places to go beyond. That much had become clear to you. 
So, when San drudges in the next morning and fills his water bottle at the water dispenser sadly, it felt as if a gray cloud from below had floated up into the 22nd floor. 
He had brought in and placed a cardboard box of his personal belongings on his desk while you were in the restroom, and you caught a glimpse of the items inside on your way back. You make out some pictures, a standup calendar, miniature plush toys, and several plastic figurines from a show you weren’t familiar with, one of which sat on the top of the pile with a broken hand.
He sits down in front of you just as you’re getting settled into your own chair. He sends you a smile, but it doesn’t fold the eyes behind his glasses into crescents like yesterday. “Good morning,” he says.
“Good morning, how are you doing?” you try to send him a genuine smile. Yesterday had gone mostly without a hitch. Aside from his indifferent answer in the copier room, he had diligently taken notes in a little notepad while you explained some of the know-hows of the 22nd floor. With a little pout, he had scribbled down details about the rest of the employees, the features available on the floor, and what to expect during the project briefing that was to take place later today. 
He had carefully followed you around, making sure he was never in your way as you went about your day. He didn’t ask nearly as many questions as you had seen other new hires ask, but nonetheless, he had observed quietly and attentively.
“I’ve been better,” he says, eyes flickering to the broken figurine. “But I’m excited for the briefing today,” he adds.
You nod with a smile. There’s the missing enthusiasm from yesterday. You keep the thought to yourself and instead say, “Great, it’ll really give you a good understanding of the start of all of our processes up here.” You look over to the clock above the water dispenser. “Why don’t you take some time to get settled in, and we’ll head to the auditorium together later.”
San nods, and his dimple fleetingly makes an appearance. You watch him take the broken figurine and solemnly put a tissue over it. You return to complete an email before moving on to other tasks, and out of your periphery, you catch San reaching into his box for the rest of the items. 
Occasionally, you look up to see San arranging his desk in a multitude of different ways. He stops when he gets a visit from an IT rep. The reflection of his computer on his glasses as he focuses on setting up his work email and profile prompts to sneak in more glances. As the IT rep explains a new software update on the company’s website, San’s eyes momentarily land on yours. In an attempt to seem undeterred, you send him a smile, and he responds with a dashing smile of his own, his dimple returning with a vengeance. 
You don’t look at San again until it’s time for the briefing. The absence of Lushpin, who still had not arrived, prompted you to flag your team members down and let them know to begin making their way to the auditorium. San grabs an empty purple folder, puts his notepad and pen inside, and stands to leave with you.
On your way to the auditorium, the rest of the floor seemed eager to get to know San more, so you kept a little distance and walked forward. San doesn’t stray far behind you, and you’re able to hear the blatant flirting and sports talk from the other employees too well for your liking. 
Inside the filling auditorium, you tell San to go ahead and find a place to sit down. Towards the front, you spot Ms. Daisy assisting the presenters with their microphones. At your greeting, she sends them on their way and turns to you.
“Oh honey, how’s the mentorship going?” Ms. Daisy asks, hands on her hips. 
You watch San finding a seat next to your team’s content marketer, Wooyoung, and sigh. “He’s definitely different,” is what you settle with. “But nothing I can’t handle,” you confidently added.
Ms. Daisy gives you a knowing smile, and you stand with for some more time discussing the topics for the briefing. “Oh, do you think you can get me a copy of his portfolio? I told him I’d look it over—,” you begin to ask, but when the lights dim, you bid her good-bye and walk back towards the seats.
From his spot, San waves you down, and you walk to him. He takes his purple folder off of the seat next to him and pats the area for you to take. With a small thanks, you squeeze into the seat while San stands slightly to let you. He moves his legs to the side until you’ve comfortably sat down. Once you have, his legs spread back into their original position, and his thighs just barely touch yours. You flinch at the contact and immediately jerk your legs away from his. 
San doesn’t react, and throughout the rest of the briefing, you keep your legs straight ahead to avoid the legs on either side of you. Soon after, San retrieves his purple folder and notepad. As he starts writing, the small pout returns to his lips. You watch him for a minute and notice his dress pants are just a tad bit short on him. They ride up to reveal his cat-patterned socks. To shake off the searing feeling on your thigh, you focus on every word from the presenter’s speech and hang on to them.
New quarter. Fresh start. Time to take risks. Partnering with TechTots Studios to market their new app. 
At the mention of TechTots Studios, you break out of your dazed focus. You had applied and even been accepted to work for them fresh out of university, but eventually chose your current company to be closer to your ex. Potential ideas start flowing through your head right away, and you sit up to pay more attention. 
The briefing ends, leaving an optimistic air in the auditorium. With Lushpin still nowhere in sight, you begin to regroup the team members and lead them back towards the elevators. 
“That was overwhelming,” you start, as the team piles into the elevator. 
“You’re telling me. I thought he’d never shut up,” Wooyoung rubs his eyes. The data analyst jokingly shoves him, and you smile at the laughter that fills the elevator. 
As it dies down, you check your wristwatch and say, “We’ve got some time. Let’s regroup after lunch in conference room B and think about how to move forward. Is that alright with everyone?” 
The team nods in agreement and disperses to their tables on your floor. 
After lunch, you take San to the conference room, but not before he grabs his purple folder and notepad. Watching him, You set your laptop down and opt to grab a notepad and black pen of your own to take to the conference room. 
Now, some hours after the briefing, the team becomes refreshed and are able to bounce ideas off one another with ease. San watches you carefully listen to each members’ ideas, jotting down key words. You listen even closer to their concerns, and San watches you put exclamations next to your notes. You make sure everyone’s points are heard, asking clarifying questions when there’s confusion. 
You silently watch San, too. When you stop taking notes, his pen picks up the minute details you might need later. There’s a slight crinkle in his tie that you desperately want to iron out, but you appreciate the effort he puts in for the moment. 
“Okay, I’ll email everyone the summarized notes of today’s meeting before we leave for the day. Let’s each try to brainstorm potential campaigning approaches and designs for tomorrow. We’ll take it easy for the week,” you finish, and at the phrase, the team agrees in appreciation.
Back at your desk, you busy yourself by organizing your written notes into an email. With your head down, you don’t notice San slipping the ripped sheet of his own notes across his desk onto yours. You do, however, look up when the sheet manages to knock down a figurine, which dominos to knock down three more figurines. 
“Sorry,” he sheepishly picks the figurines back up.
“That’s a lot of figurines,” you tell him, your fingers not leaving your keyboard. You hope there was no malice in your voice, it was genuinely just a lot of figurines for a work desk. 
“Yeah, this is the fun part of having a job,” he laughs out, adjusting one of his figurines to face him. He quickly looks at your empty desk, and the laughter fizzles away. He clears his throat and says, “Do you mind if I watch what you're doing?”
You tilt your head and look at the email you’d started. “You want to watch me write an email?”
“I’m terrible at that kind of stuff,” he says, rolling his chair next to you. “I took notes, sure, but I can barely read them, let alone make enough sense of them to put it in an email.” When he takes a seat too close to you, you swallow deeply. At least, he’s being more active. 
At your quiet unease, San casually rolls his chair a few inches away from you. He takes his own notes and sets them down next to yours. You can smell the faint chocolate scent of his cologne, and looking down, you’re met with his cat-patterned socks again. You relax with the added distance he gives you and get back to the email.
He watches you work at the keyboard, while your eyes switch between the screen of your computer, your notes, and his notes. Eventually, you finish, and San rolls back to his desk with a researching task you’d assigned him. When you look up from time to time, you see his brows furrowed and lips pouted in concentration as he works.
The two of you work, and then work some more. 
As the floor starts emptying at the end of the workday, you open a blank powerpoint presentation on your computer and unfold your laptop to display the summarized email notes. With all of the information readily available, you began to put together potential plans for the partnership with the team’s ideas and threw in your personal additions, too.
It felt as if the opportunity had been served to you on a silver platter. You knew what your team members were capable of, and you knew what you were capable of. You gave up control once, and you would be damned if you let it slip out of your hands again. You wanted to get a head-start on it as soon as you could.
You’re pulled out of your focus, when a standing San clears his throat to get your attention. You look up at him pushing up his glasses after looking at the clock above the water dispenser. “I’m going to head out,” he points to the elevator. “Are you… planning on staying long?”
You look down at the incomplete powerpoint and the long list of ideas. “I’ve got some things to get through, but you can go ahead,” you resume typing. 
“Oh, okay,” he lingers for some moments, before turning his attention to Wooyoung, who calls him over from the elevators. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”
You rip your eyes away from the powerpoint once more and give him a soft smile. “See you tomorrow,” you confirm. He sends you a dimpled smile before running to catch up with Wooyoung. Once the doors of the elevators shut, you start typing once again.
It’s well into the late evening when you’re saving the completed powerpoint one more time for added assurance. You lean back into your chair and check the time. Rolling your neck in slow circles, you let your eyes shut for some seconds and breathe deeply. When you open them, in your direct line of sight, is San’s broken figurine resting under the thin tissue.
Sighing, you stand to grab it. Now in your hands, you were able to see the vivid painted details on its face, and turning it helped you feel the distinct textures on its clothing. Another sigh left your lips as you bent over your desk drawers to find the tiny tube of superglue you’d purchased some time ago.
*****
The next day, San finally gets to meet Lushpin. 
He’s in shock when he walks in to find his figurine, which had broken yesterday on his way to the office, looking as good as new. As he’s inspecting the seamless glue job, Wooyoung takes his arm and drags him to the conference room.
San spots your items in the conference room, but you’re nowhere in sight. Wooyoung pulls him out of his thoughts and begins to explain which company email chains and group chats were worth staying in for entertainment and ones he was better off muting. His words come to a surprised halt when he spots an email you had sent to the team earlier this morning.
He opens the email, quickly reads through the short memo you’d written, and clicks on the attachment. At the extensive powerpoint, Wooyoung lets out a whispered, “Fuck.”
The door to the conference room is slammed open by a round, old man. He’s deep in a conversation with the SEO strategist who sets down a tray of coffees. You swiftly file in behind them and sit in front of your laptop. San deduces the old man is Lushpin, the project manager for the team. He was dressed in an expensive suit and shoes were shined, but he still looked unkempt to San. When he comes closer to the table, San briefly picks up the scent of alcohol coming from him.
With a wince, he looks over to you instead. You’re dressed neatly and professionally, but when you bend down to grab the cable to connect your laptop to the projector, San spots kinesiology tape running along your neck to the top of your shoulder under your blouse. You sweetly thank the SEO strategist as you grab the coffee from his hands.
Lushpin walks to the front of the room and heavily sits at the head of the table. He clicks through the powerpoint on your laptop much too quickly to be able to absorb any of the information on the slides, but nonetheless clicks back to the beginning of the presentation and clears his throat. 
“Right. Good morning everybody. Hope you’re all doing well on this snowy day,” he points to the thickening snowflakes that stick to the glass with a gruff laugh. “Let’s not waste any time now. We’ve got our work cut out for us with our partnership with TenTots Studios.”
“TechTots, sir,” you neutrally correct him.
“Hm?” he looks at you, confused.
“It’s TechTots Studios, sir,” you repeat for him.
Not even embarrassed in the slightest, he laughs deeply. “Right, might as well let you handle this then,” he jokes, swiveling the chair aside to make room for you. 
An utterly bewildered expression settles on San’s face for some time. When he sneakily looks over the rest of the team, they weren’t affected in the least. In fact, they became more attentive when you took to the powerpoint and began going through the proposals and potential breakdown of the tasks. 
Ms. Daisy wasn’t kidding when she praised your presentation skills. With your powerpoint, you had managed to take the summarized points of yesterday’s meeting and break down the potential processes each idea would require with visual aids. You’d made a list of pros and cons for the ideas, giving every single one serious consideration. You talked about the ideas without bias and included additions you thought that might enhance said idea. You’d created timelines and deadlines, so the workload would remain consistent and manageable. 
Your confidence in each of the members’ recommendations relaxed them, too. In less than a day, you had made each of their suggestions digestible and feasible in the time frame the team was given. Every single one of their ideas became a serious possibility, and that, San realized, meant it would be much easier to take the best aspects of each idea to create something even more collectively impressive.
San watched you present slack-mouthed.
Even when you wrap up and the rest of the team starts packing their materials, San’s stuck in his amazement for you. It isn’t until Lushpin’s roughly grabs at his shoulder that he breaks out of his daze. You watch the interaction and decide to leave San with your project manager. You shoot San a quick smile and exit the conference room.
“So, my boy, how are you liking it here?” Lushpin asks, his hold too tight on San’s body. 
From inside the elevator, you watch San move past the shock of Lushpin’s touch and respond to him with a tight smile. Whatever he says sends Lushpin into a fit of laughter, and momentarily, a silent fear strikes through your body at the visual. When the elevator doors close, it leaves just as quickly as it comes.
*****
San never thanks you for fixing his figurine, but it doesn’t bother you all that much.
You grow to learn that despite his intimidating frame and large presence, he was quite boyish. Sure, he’d flex the muscles under his ill-fitting clothes when he caught a pair of eyes on him, but you’d begin to find even that endearing. He would laugh at unfunny jokes to ease the tension and send sweet, dimpled smiles everyone’s way during the sluggish mornings.
And while San never thanks you, he begins leaving little doodles with comically bad puns on your desk when you get up to use the restroom or are called away to another member’s desk. Over the weeks, you began to grow a collection of different colored and shaped sticky notes in your top drawer and looked through them when you were alone in the empty office far too late into the night. 
Unbeknownst to you, he had hoped some of them would stay and end up decorating your barren desk. So when he watches you read his latest purple star sticky note with a grape pun, smile at it, and place it in your top drawer yet again, he knows he has to step up his game. 
You, on the other hand, are grateful for the fact that San has started asking more questions, but you’re perplexed as to why more than half of them are about your personal preferences. 
Wow, they keep this floor so cold! If you took a vacation, would you go somewhere hot or cold? 
Man, this coffee is bitter. Do you have a sweet tooth?
Today, he asks, “You can borrow my pen! What’s your favorite color?” He sits up in the conference room B’s chairs to read off this week's tasks from your laptop. 
For the past few weeks, conference room B had become a hub for your team to congregate in and visually plan the team’s thoughts on the wall-wide idea board. You’d write out a list of weekly tasks and hang them on the corner of the board for repeated reminders, should anyone need them. 
You also grabbed a box of sticky notes and an array of white-board markers from the inventory and left them in the middle of the table for the team to use as they please. Today, you and San were working through checking the dry-erase markers for duds and unwrapping the sticky notes. 
You take the pen from San and ponder. “Black is always the best for work.”
“Sure, but what about you?”
“I don’t think it’s professional to ask personal questions at work, Mr. Choi,” you jokingly deflect.
He laughs with you, like the kind person he is, and doesn’t push the question further. 
“My mother called me Mr. Choi when I used to play pretend as my father when I was younger,” he shares instead while unwrapping his package of cloud-shaped sticky notes. “I never thought I’d actually end up in an office like him,” he looks up at the heavily decorated idea board. “Sometimes, this work thing is just… you know?” he fails to express himself.
“I think it’s nice.” At his confusion, you clarify, “It’s always there to fall back on.”
“I think it’s suffocating,” he folds the plastic trash flat. “It feels like an ant mill.”
“An ant mill?”
“Yeah, like a death spiral?” When you shake your head, he tells you, “Did you know army ants are blind? They follow each other's pheromones to guide them on trails. Sometimes, though, the trail can break, and somehow, the remaining ants will loop the trail looking for the pheromones of the other ants. The leader of the trail will lead the rest in circles until they eventually die of exhaustion, starvation, or dehydration.” 
At his explanation, you stop writing out the agenda and look at him. 
“That’s what work feels like to me,” he continues. “There are things outside of work. Places we’re meant to see. Foods we’re meant to try. People we’ve yet to meet and fall in love with. Spending decades of my life circling around in an office just… seems like a waste.”
You’d wanted that, too. You wanted it all with your ex. You were supposed to go see places and try new foods. You were supposed to stay in love. You were supposed to be enough for one another. 
At your silence, San begins stuttering, “I’m sorry, that wasn’t appropriate at all.”
You break out of your own spiraling thoughts and respond, “It’s okay. It’s interesting to know what you think.” You hesitate before adding, “But I think the fact that work will remain, even if the places or food or people won’t, is reassuring.”
“Hmm.” A silence takes over the room, and in the distance, you can hear the copier beeping for toner. “I think it’s interesting to know what you think, too, by the way,” San says, breaking into your thoughts, once again. 
You work in the silence again. You grab as many markers as you can in your hands and begin testing out each one. The quiet isn’t overbearing, but you find yourself wanting to break it. You want to tell San more things he might find interesting, things that make his eyes go wide and smile shine brighter. 
“I actually applied and got accepted to work at TechTots back when I finished university,” you find yourself admitting some time after, and his eyes shoot up.
“No way?” he looks at you exasperated. “You know, I’ve found myself thinking that you’d fit in with their company too many times to count, so much better than this place,” he gestures to the rest of the conference room. You bashfully wave away his compliment and throw away another dried up marker. “How’d you end up here?”
Watching your smile falter a little, he backtracks, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean—it’s none of my business.”
You shake your head and respond, “It’s alright.” At his skeptical face, you double-down with a happier smile, “Really, it’s okay. The…  circumstances at the time didn’t call for it.” It wasn’t a lie. The circumstances just happened to be your ex and his more important job. “Just the distance and stuff.”
“The distance ended up being a blessing in disguise for me.”
“Oh yeah, how so?”
“Helped me fulfill my childhood dream of getting a cat,” he says excitedly. “My old roommates were deathly allergic, but I don’t have to worry about that now, living alone and all.”
“You’ve got a cat?” you look at him with wide eyes.
“Yeah! She’s the sweetest little thing,” San pauses, suddenly shy. “Do you… like cats?”
“I’ve always wanted one,” you find yourself admitting.
“How come you don’t have one?”
“My, uh… partner doesn’t— didn’t like them, but now,” you open a new pack of assorted markers, “I’m just too busy with work to be responsible for someone other than myself.”
San hums again, and the two of you continue to work through the markers and sticky notes. Until he speaks up again. 
“You think you’d be up to cat-sit for me next month?”
*****
You had sworn off relationships for the time being. You weren’t looking to be jumping back into one if you weren’t completely self-assured and better than the old you that stayed with your ex, because boys are the absolute worst. 
That was another undeniable truth you’d learned over time. They lie to your face, and cheat on you with your friends. They make you feel lonely and stupid. They make you miss out on opportunities that you would’ve otherwise excelled at. Worst of all, they depress you enough to make you call out of work to make yourself feel even more terrible about yourself alone at home. 
This truth is confirmed to you once more when your data analyst calls the following Monday in tears. The same Monday on which the preliminary meeting with TechTots Studios was to take place. You were no stranger to break-ups, so you offer the comfort you can over the phone and assure your data analyst that she can take her time. 
But the moment you hang up, your mind starts racing a mile a minute. You hurriedly open the outline on your laptop and hang over your laptop to begin prepping yourself on the contents the data analyst was supposed to cover. When San walks in, you’ve outwardly collected yourself, but the anxieties haven’t stopped coursing through your veins. 
Stretching your shoulders, you catch him up on the situation and watch his widening eyes flicking between you and your open screen with the updated outline. He nods in understanding, and at that, you begin to pack the needed materials and leave for TechTots.
“Doesn’t the project manager usually attend these meetings?” San quietly questions. He looks over to Lushpin’s yet-again empty office. Before he’s able to turn back around, you spot a thin white string of thread draped across the left shoulder pad of his dark blue blazer.
Ignoring it, you grab the design and numbers folders. “Usually, yes,” you flick through the laminated sheets of paper in each folder, making sure everything is in proper order. After double-checking, you zip the leather portfolio shut and turn to San. “But we’ll be handling it ourselves today.”
There’s no sun in the sky to greet you, but thick rain clouds crowd the skies, heavy with unfallen rain. Your called taxi arrives to pick you just on time, and the two of you pile in the back. 
On the taxi ride across the city to TechTots Studios, you nervously flip through the material once more, memorizing it into the core of your brain. San watches your hunched back reviewing the notes and catches sight of the kinesiology tape again as you readjust your coat. 
He wants to say something, to let you know that you should take care of yourself and your body, but before he’s able to form the words to tell you, the taxi slows to a stop in front of a high-rise. He bottles up his thoughts and decides that now isn’t the time to tell you something you probably already know.
After paying the fee, San exits the taxi and you follow, catching the misplaced white thread that draws attention to his otherwise dark blazer again. 
You’d been here once before, when you had scored a job interview with a rep just before your graduation. You take a deep breath once you’ve stepped into the building out of the gloomy day occurring outside. The interior of TechTots Studios makes you feel a lot lighter, their playful and shimmering colors decorating the walls and desks on the floor. 
You’re taken some floors up to a reserved meeting room and left there to wait while the attendees make their way to you. Once the receptionist closes the door to the meeting room, you and San take a seat. 
The ache along your shoulder is milder, and feeling much calmer now, you plop down into a chair. Next to you, San sits much more slowly, taking in the room. You finally notice his regular glasses are not adorning his face. Instead, he’s blinking rapidly to adjust the contacts in his eyes. While the colorful walls should have made him revisit his child-like imagination, he’s only become much more stressed. 
You, on the other hand, were good at keeping your emotions in check. You had learned the hard way, and while being thrust into the harsh realities of the world helped you get a hold of yourself, you didn’t want that for San. You could feel the nerves radiating off of him and filling the bright meeting room. His head turns to face you, and to your surprise, with a pained expression, he sends you a wink.
“Oh my g— I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to wink at you,” he rubs his eyes with the back of his hands. “These contacts have been a pain today. I just wanted to look a little more… seasoned, I guess.” With a heavy sigh, he rubs his reddening eye some more. 
“You’ve got to stop rubbing it like that,” you take your own fingers and demonstrate on your own eyes. “You can slowly move it around using the skin under your eye, like this.”
San looks into your eyes and mimics your movement. His fingers work much more gently with the skin under his eyes to correct the way his contact sits on his eye. With the unease of the contact gone, you see his form relaxing. 
“Thank you,” he says. He looks intently into your eyes, as if he’s got more to say, but you use the momentum of the moment to clear your throat. 
“You should chime in when and if you think you need to. You’re the only one that knows the outline better than I do.” Your statement makes him pause and send you a surprised look. You’re not sure if it makes him more nervous than he already was, but you’re happy that he’s at least distracted from his own thoughts.
“Are you sure?” He wears a floored look, almost doubting you for trusting him as much as you do.
“Absolutely, you aren’t going to get a more ‘hands-on’ experience than this, Mr. Choi,” you joke, trying to calm his nerves. “But, yes, you definitely should. All of this,” you pat the stuffed portfolio, “includes pieces of your input and your thoughts. You have as much of a right to it as the rest of the team. And for future reference,” you add, “I think your glasses add more to you.”
He timidly smiles. As he turns around, you catch sight of the string of thread again and absentmindedly reach to take it off his blazer, having had enough of seeing it. When your fingers touch the material, you realize what you’re doing. San looks equally as shocked as you quickly pinch the thread in between your fingers and stutter out, “Thread, there’s a—was a thread.”
Just then, there’s a knock at the meeting door as it slowly opens. “Hello! Sorry for running a little late! I’m Danny, and this is Yunho,” a thin man walks in with a much taller man following. “We’re the co-managers for this collaboration project. Welcome to TechTots Studios!”
San stands to pat his palms over his thighs and then reaches out to shake the men’s hands. You stand as well and send them a polite nod.
After the formalities, you begin presenting your proposed marketing campaigns. You take the men through your plans and user experience designs. San silently watches and aids your presentation with careful nods and dimpled smiles. As you continue on, a frown blooms on Danny’s face. Yunho, on the other hand, keeps a steady expression and listens with care. As you wrap up your plans with the app design, Danny leans back in his chair with a disappointed look.
Finally, after what seems like the most suffocating few seconds, he speaks. “This is not enough,” he sighs. You freeze up at his words, but he continues, “You’re not doing enough to represent our company the way we were hoping.”
Your shoulders tense painfully, and an incredulous expression flits across your face. The area where the kinesiology tape runs, you feel a sharp jab. Under the desk, you watch San’s hands reach for your thigh, but he stops himself. 
“Yellow is a core color of our design, and I don’t think it should be this insignificant on the app’s interface,” Yunho adds, much more diplomatically than his co-worker. 
“That’s completely understandable and didn’t escape our consideration,” San’s voice startles you. He reaches into portfolio to grab the alternative design. “Incorporating a strong yellow like this can become very distracting for the children. It borders on being just a little too bright and overstimulating.” He places the designs side-by-side and continues, “I think being able to see it like this will help you understand our process. The version we’re supporting makes your app much more gentle and marketable, especially to parents.”
His help allows you to recompose yourself and continue on as planned. You both ping-pong the remaining aspects of the rest of the proposal, and as you’re finishing, Danny’s smile has returned to his face. Yunho looks extremely satisfied as well, and the meeting ends on a high note. You tell them you’ll be sure to take their concerns into serious consideration with the rest of the team and discuss the project further at the next meeting. 
San shakes their hands again, and you give them both polite nods once again as they walk you out of the room. Once they walk away, San breathes out a massive sigh, “Oh my god, that was insane. I’m— oh my god, I’m actually sweating—” he laughs out.
As your exhaustion finally catches up to you, you aren’t able to conjure up the enthusiasm to match his mood, so you settle with sending him a tight-lipped smile instead. “I’m going to use the restroom before we leave, can you call us a taxi?”
San calms at your quiet request and clears his throat. “Yeah, of course. I’ll wait by the entrance,” his elated smile, now gentler. 
You speed into the thankfully empty restroom and finally take a deep breath. This is not enough. You turn the faucet to the coldest temperature you can and let it run over your hands. You are not enough. You take little handfuls of water and pat your throat with your chilled hands. 
Outside, San calls for a taxi and waits by the carousel glass door entrance. He watches one of the co-managers from the meeting, Yunho, walk up and wait in the general area by the restrooms, refilling his water cup again and again. San watches you exit and hears Yunho call out your name. 
You turn around and come face-to-face with Yunho. “Hey, I just wanted to say I’m sorry about Danny. He’s a little blunt with his words, but we just wanted to make sure we’re both on the same page before we continue forward,” he starts.
Trying to shake off your slumpy mood, you respond, “That’s alright, I’d want everything to be perfect with a collaboration like this, too.”
Yunho sends you a toothy grin, “Still, he’s a lot to handle. But we’re really impressed with what you’ve got so far, and we’re eager to continue working with your team.”
Unable to hear your conversation, San follows the shape of your lips. He notices the slightly wet ring of water on the neckline of your clothes and the suddenly deeper circles under your eyes. He sends you a soft smile as you finish your discussion with Yunho and start making your way towards him. 
When you exit the building after farewells, you’re left completely fatigued. Your tense shoulders beg to be relaxed while your furrowed brows cry to be smoothed down.
On the taxi ride back to your office, you and San sit in silence while the radio in the front plays sad jazz music. A light drizzle has finally broken out of the clouds’ confines, and you busy yourself by watching the raindrops race down the wetting window.
“Good work in there,” you manage to tell San as the taxi pulls up in front of your building. Your sweet smile didn’t accompany your words, but San knew you meant it genuinely nonetheless. 
Back inside, you send out a summarized email including the feedback from TechTots and continue on with your other tasks. You keep quiet and don’t meet San’s eyes once. 
Finally, when you get up to stretch your legs for a break hours later, San decides to take one himself. He drags himself to the break room and starts on making fresh coffee. The machine clicks and whirs as a steady stream starts filling the pot underneath.
San takes out a mug and pours himself a generous cup. He turns when the door to the break room opens. 
“God, I couldn’t wish for this project to be over any faster.” Wooyoung enters with a groan. He beelines to the coffee machine and grabs a mug from the cabinet above.
“We’ve barely just begun,” San laughs. He folds his arms over his chest and turns to watch Wooyoung pour the smallest amount of coffee into a bright blue mug. “But how come? I thought everything was going well?”
“Yeah, only because of her,” he nods to where you stand in the copier room. “Lushpin gave up a long time ago,” he takes a quick swig of the little coffee in his mug. “This team’s only being held together by her. She knows how everyone works, when they work best, what tasks they’ll enjoy, which ones they’ll dread,” he counts off on his fingers. “She’s been setting up the meetings and arranging Lushpin’s schedules before he even understands what’s going on. I just want the cross-emailing to stop. Lushpin will send us the agenda for the week before and claim it’s for this week. We end up stupidly confused until she sends us the right one.”
San sighs, watching you for some time as you stand motionlessly at the blinking copier. You’d been in a daze since the two of you returned to the office. All of your work was being completed to your standards San noticed, but it was as if you were on autopilot. “Why hasn’t she been promoted already? She’s obviously qualified, and it only makes sense if she’s doing the work already.”
“Simple, my man,” Wooyoung fills up his mug again, this time, nearly to the brim. “Workplace seniority,” he decorates the phrase with sarcastic jazz hands. 
A sour expression takes over San’s face. Wooyoung rips open several packets of sugar and dumps them into the mug. After a stir, he bends down to sip from the too full mug. At the taste, he disappointedly dumps several more packets of sugar into the mug. 
He takes another sip, much more satisfied this time around. “I’ve gotten most of the floor in on the conspiracy that there’s at least some degree of nepotism involved, too.” San pauses at the statement. “Besides, Lushpin’s got nothing to lose,” Wooyoung continues. “He’ll still get his severance, doesn’t matter if the project falls through or not.”
San watches you collect the paperwork and drop it off at the graphic design team’s desks. He follows your figure walking out of the floor towards the elevator. Bidding Wooyoung a quick goodbye, San starts his way out of the breakroom to catch up to you. Before he does, he stops at his desk and grabs a small box from his drawer, shoving it into his pant pocket.
At the end of the hall of the 22nd floor, there was a spare room that was meant to be turned into a meeting room. Instead, over the years, as paperwork turned more and more digital, the room had become a stockpile for the previous decades’ printed history. No one had bothered to go through and organize it, and with the abundance of meeting rooms on this floor already, it, along with the paperwork, sat collecting dust. 
You had stumbled upon the room in search of some quiet during an overwhelming Christmas party last. There was a small space behind standing steel shelves and hundreds of boxes of physical paperwork. It was incredibly compact and secluded, just what you needed sometimes to escape the fluorescents of the floor. It took some expertise to maneuver through the obstacle of cardboard and steel, something you’d perfected with time, but once you made it in, you felt as if you could finally breathe again.
On your first few visits, you’d dragged a heavy box into the small space and used it as your makeshift chair. The full-length window displayed the raindrops that had turned into sparse snowflakes falling over the city below. You take a seat on your box chair with a heavy sigh and take your head into your hands. 
The tears in your eyes were stinging. You didn’t know if it would hurt more to keep them trapped in your eyes or to let them run down your face. “Why are you doing this? I thought what we had was enough, I thought I was enough.”
“I’m enough,” you tell yourself. Tears begin filling your eyes, and you feel the anger in your body rising. 
“But you aren’t,” he says, standing at the door with his packed bags. “You are not enough. You haven’t been enough for me for a while.”
“I am enough,” you repeat a little louder. You were not going to cry at work. That was not who you wanted to be. You watch the snowflakes melt against the glass and roll down and stop yourself from doing the same.
Behind the steel and cardboard, you hear shuffling feet and an ouch. Peaking your head around your solitary area, you find San squeezing through the barriers of boxes and steel. He spots your face from between the mess and bumps into more metal beelining to you. As he does, you sniffle away your breaking voice and wipe your gathering tears.
San finally trips into your space, now able to gauge the proximity of your bodies. Your little hideout was not meant to sustain more than one person, and San trying to fit into this space would’ve elicited a giggle had you not just been on the verge of tears seconds ago.
“Hi,” he stands awkwardly leaning against the wall. 
“Hi.” you sniffle.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah.”
“Is there anything I can get you?”
“No.”
At your short responses, San shifts his feet. You look out the window for some time before he asks, “Is it about the meeting?”
“Yes.. no… I don’t know.” 
“I thought it went well?” San questions, confused. 
You sniffle again, mind a little clearer. “It did. It went incredibly well,” you say sitting up a little straighter. “And you, you did really well, too. I’m really proud of you.” You pause again. “I think… I think I’m just tired,” you say and leave San standing motionless. 
In his several weeks here, he’d heard his fair share of complaints from the rest of the team members. Words of hurting backs, aching wrists, not enough sleep, and being severely hungover were a constant, especially on Monday mornings. But you never said anything. You quietly sympathized with your co-workers’ sentiments and went about working diligently. 
San had never heard anything remotely similar leave your mouth, so when you sadly tell him you’re tired, he can’t help but feel whole-heartedly helpless. His lips form a pout, and he thinks tears are filling his eyes when you roll your shoulders yet again. 
He had provided comfort before, and he’e been told he was good at it. But somehow, when it came time to comfort you, he fell flat. He wanted to tell you how amazed he was with you. He wanted to tell you how much he admired you, how much he wanted to be like you, but all he could do at the moment was return your compliment. “You did well, too, and I’m also proud of you.” 
“Thank you.”
San can see the outline of the tape that runs along your shoulders, and he pulls out his back-up plan from his pockets. He brings his hand forward to reveal a small wrapped box. “I was going to save this for later, but it looks like you might be able to use it now.”
He sets the box in your lap, and you look up to him, “San, you didn’t have to—”
“You work so hard. Too hard,” he looks down at the box. “This isn’t anything special, just a token of appreciation,” he scratches the back of his head. “Something for your desk, maybe?”
You open the blank cardboard box on your lap. Inside, you’re met with the sight of yet another box, this one made of plastic, but made to resemble cardboard, labeled with “ORANGES” along the outside and clipart pictures of oranges underneath. There’s a small cream-colored sensor on the top of the box.
“Oh, just a sec—” San digs into the pockets of his pants again and pulls out a spare coin. “Put this on the little sensor,” he says, dropping the coin into your palm. 
You follow his instructions, and at the action, the box opens to reveal a black cat inside. Its paw stretches out from inside the box to grab the coin. Once it does so, it sneaks back inside the box and after it, the box shuts close. 
“It’s just a little piggy bank, but I thought, you know, since you said you liked cats— well, you said you wanted one— I thought it might be a good gift,” he stumbles out, watching your face for any change in expression and breathing out in relief when a sweet smile returns to your face. 
“Thank you,” your thumb rounds the corner of the box. “This was sweet of you, really.”
San’s dimples return to his face, and he relaxes. Crossing his legs, he sits down in the small space next to you. In the quiet, the two of you watch the thickening snow fall outside of the 22nd floor window together for some time.
*****
Casual lounging clothes have been a rarity on your body for the past year and half. After coming home from work, you’ve started slipping into a fresh pair of exercise clothes before bed to be ready for the gym first thing in the morning.
So when you’re dressed in a plain, loose crew neck and matching sweatpants on this Friday night, you observe yourself in the mirror for some time. In the comfort of your own apartment, you weren’t required to dress as a professional, but even then, you feel strange in your clothes.
At the steady knocks on your door, you give yourself one more look-over and rush to open it.
San stands outside dressed similarly to you. He had changed out of his slightly too-small suit from earlier in the day and was instead adorned in a gray hoodie with matching gray sweatpants. His clothes actually fit him. A little too well. His glasses rest low on the bridge of his nose, where they have been more often lately. In his hands, he holds a purple plastic carrier and a brown paper bag. 
“Hi,” his dimples greet you.
“Hi,” you smile back, moving aside to let him in. 
San steps into your apartment and views the interior while removing his shoes. “You’ve got a really nice place,”  he says kindly, following you to your couch. San notices it’s almost as bare as your desk. There’s a few pictures of your family, but even they’re scarce. The lack of things makes your apartment feel chilly to San, and an unintentional shiver passes through his body.
You both sit down on the couch, and San places the brown bag in his lap and the carrier on the ground. 
“I’ve bought her food and medicine in here,” he hands you the brown bag. “But this,” he brings the plastic carrier up to his face, “is Neko.” He shoots the cat inside a dimpled smile when she meows for him. “Do you mind if I let her out?”
You shake your head, and he unlatches the door. Neko peaks her head out and gives San’s fingers a lick. She steadily jumps out of her carrier and begins to explore your apartment. 
You follow her curious movements, before you turn back to San. Unable to hold in the smile tugging at your lips, you laugh out, “Your cat’s name is cat?” 
San relaxes at your smile. “Yeah? Hey!” he says at your increasing laughter. He sits up straighter on your couch and points at the black cat saying, “You look at her and tell me that she’s not the perfect cat for the name Neko!”
Still giggling, you put your hands up in defense, “No, I understand where you’re coming from, it’s actually… fair.”
After San gifted you the cat bank some weeks ago, you’ve grown a lot closer. Having familiarized your routines and work ethic, you and San have begun to work like a well-oiled machine. Your tasks are completed quicker yet they aren’t suffering any drop in quality, and San does his best to match the standard of his craft to yours.
San’s personal questions to you haven’t lessened either, they’ve instead gotten much more specific. He would weave in questions that aligned with the tasks you were completing and collect little tidbits of information about you, and you’d happily begun to answer them as honestly as you could.
He knew when you liked to come into work, what coffee you liked to drink throughout the day, the color you would paint your house in the future, what summer fruit you crave in the cold winters, what type of powerpoint format you preferred, how close in age the two of you actually were, how you color-coordinate tasks and assignments, and just earlier today, he found out what you liked to order from the sandwich shop around the corner from the office on days you didn’t bring your own lunch.
But outside of work, your conversations were slower and more careful. Without work to fall back on into, you didn’t know how to talk to San. Thankfully, he was happy to take the lead.
San’s phone loudly notifies him of a message, but he ignores it, telling you, “She’s really easy to take care of. She mostly keeps to herself, and as long as she’s got a window, she’ll be ecstatic.” From his hoodie pocket, he pulls out a crumpled sheet of his notebook paper. “I’ve written down the times she usually gets hungry and when and how she has to take her medicine here, but you can always just call me if something happens. Or even if you just want to,” he slips in. 
He gives you the sheet, and you look over his scribbled handwriting. The extent of your conversations always happened on work premises, during work hours. Beyond the team chat, emails, and amount of time San was spending with you, there was no need to exchange your cell numbers. You look at his neatly written personal number on the top corner of the page, and you feel blood rushing to your face.
San’s phone alerts him of another incoming message, and after a quick glance, he shoves it back into his pockets.
“Can I get you anything? Coffee or water?”
“I’m alright, thank you,” he shoots you another smile. He leans back onto your couch and takes a look at the items splayed across your center table. He sees the roll of kinesiology tape you keep a spare of in your desk drawers. There’s also a book with color-coded sticky notes. “Color Theory for Children’s Media?” He picks up the book from the table and starts flipping through it. 
“Oh, yeah,” you sheepishly look down into your lap. “I thought I should familiarize myself with some basic things, just to know how the people at TechTots think,” you watch San’s finger’s trace over your notes. “It's an interesting read.” 
Embarrassment creeps into the moment, and you feel awkward suddenly. You didn’t want San to think all you ever thought about was work. You knew your apartment was a nice place, like he said, but it was void of you. It said nothing of your hobbies, of the life you’d spent in the city, of the life you’d lived in university. Your home may as well have been an furnished apartment, ready for someone to move into.
San pulls you out of your thoughts by asking, “Have you always wanted to work with kids?”
You pause at the question. After some seconds, you say, “I’m not sure. I’d like to be a part of creating media for them.”
“How come?”
You mimic San’s movement and lean back against your couch with a thoughtful sigh. “I think I would like making something they’ll remember. Kids are like sponges when they’re so young, and I… I learned a lot of lessons the hard way, and the world isn’t as kind to you when you’re older,” you pull your legs up and fold them underneath you.
After another pause, you quietly add, “I want to shape their world with kindness and empathy and understanding.” Neko reappears from behind the couch with a meow and jumps onto your legs. She circles the space for a few laps and finally plops down, her head resting on your thighs. You gently stroke the area between her ears.
San looks at the sight and smiles. “She likes you, and…” he shifts on the couch and faces you, “I think you would be really good at that.” 
You look to find him staring at you with a genuine smile. You smile back. Relaxing into the couch, you decide it would only be fair if you learned about San the way he did about you. You ponder what to ask him for some time as you pet Neko, and when you settle with the easiest of questions, his phone pings again. 
This time the messages come in consistently, and the pings are loud and unforgiving. At the noise, Neko jumps off you. He pulls out his phone from his pocket and finally reads the messages only to let out a sigh. “I should probably get going now,” he waves his phone in his hands. “My family aren’t the most patient people,” he says with a nervous laugh, and you send him an understanding nod. 
As he’s walking out of your apartment, you start feeling a little dejected. You catch yourself hoping he would stay a little while longer. Neko was happily occupied with your pile of to-be-recycled boxes, and San had looked so comfortable on your couch in his real clothing. But you knew he wasn’t here to stay. He was here to drop his cat off, nothing more. So when he sends you a final dimpled good-bye with a promise to pick Neko up Sunday morning, you swallow your sadness and send him a happy smile of your own.
At his departure, you look over the crumpled piece of notebook paper for instructions. Your fingers trace over his carefully written personal phone number. 
After feeding Neko dinner and her medicine, you decide to head to sleep early that night. Once you’re finally laying flat in your bed, you hear her.
The black cat meows at your bedside. You sit up and see her looking up at you eagerly. She meows again. You swing your feet over the bed and pick her up. She nuzzles into your arms, content. You place her next to you and lay down with a sigh. She walks in small, slow laps before settling with her back facing you, just inches from your face. 
When your heating system slows to a stop, you can hear the gentle beating of Neko’s heart. You let out a startled gasp and realize that even well before your break-up, you hadn’t heard another heartbeat this vividly in your bed for so long. At the sound of the thump, thump, thump, your eyes fill with salty tears. As they reach their limit, they run heavily down the side of your face. A quiet sob escapes your lips, and Neko turns around to face you. She gently licks up your tears and meows again. You pull her into your chest and hold her as your eyes eventually dry and sleep comes, gently overtaking your body. 
*****
Surprised to Neko unhappy to leave your side Sunday morning, San schedules another cat-sitting with you for when he knows he’ll be out of town again after the end of the first quarter. 
The following weeks go by much quicker than you’d imagined. At the secondary and third meeting with TechTots Studios, you and San are able to efficiently explain your processes with Danny and Yunho, who are left impressed and content each time. Before you know it, the end of the first quarter is approaching and the day of proposal presentation has arrived.
You spend the morning rotating your shoulders back and forth. The tape you’d applied this morning felt too badly placed now. It had hurt to get your arm up for the past couple of days and apply it tightly and securely the way you usually are able to. With the day of the final proposal presentation creeping up on the team, you had been sifting through buildings of work, and it hadn’t bothered you much. But today, on the day of the presentation, it felt too loose and too immaturely placed under your blouse. 
You roll your shoulders again in the hopes it’ll make the tape stick better, but you’re left feeling worse. You excuse yourself from your team, but when you walk into the restroom, you find it stuffed full of people getting ready for their own presentations. You back out pretty quickly and decide to head up to your spot. 
After squeezing into your space, you unbutton your shirt and try to reach the tape with your sore arms and neck. After struggling for some time, you frustratedly sit down on your box chair. You take a deep breath, exhale, and repeat for some minutes. You’d been gone from the rest of the team for a while, so you stand from the chair and figure you’ll suffer through the discomfort for the rest of the day. There’s worse things you’d handled, and with that list in mind, this was nothing.
As you’re putting your arm through your shirt, you hear, “Hey—oh my gosh, I’m so sorry,” San quickly turns on his heel to leave.
“Wait,” you hesitate. You slip the shirt back up your shoulders and button the bottom half of the buttons. San stops in his steps but doesn’t turn around. “Can you help me?”
“Yeah, of course, but, uh, can I turn around?”
Yes San, you can turn around,” you laugh lightly. You stay facing out of the window and feel him moving closer towards you. He stops about an arm’s length away from you. You shake the collar of your shirt off lightly and let it drop slightly below your shoulder blades, and you hear San breathe in lowly.
You sigh, “I have this tape that I use for my shoulders, and it’s been driving me insane since this morning. It just isn’t placed right, and I can’t reach it. It feels too loose and not in the right spots. I can usually get it the way I like it, but I haven’t been able to turn or bend right these past couple of weeks just from being so stiff, and I…” you swallow nervously at your rant, “I can’t do it by myself.”
You can feel San step closer when his breath tickles your neck. You feel goosebumps erupt all over your body, and if San can see them, you’re glad he doesn’t bring them up. “It’s okay, I can help,” he quietly says.
“Thank you.” You reach up to grab the ends of tape and start lifting it up. “I just need you to pull it taut over this area and press it down.” 
San follows your directions carefully and makes sure to never let his skin touch yours. Nonetheless, you feel the warmth of his hands through the soft fabric of the tape. “Like this?”
You extend your shoulder and sigh when you feel it sitting properly beside your shoulder blade. “Yes, thank you so much,” you roll your shoulders back and forth some more. 
“You’re welcome,” San says softly. His fingers take the hanging material of your shirt and pull it over your exposed back.
Putting aside the relief you’ve just found, you quickly close the remaining buttons and clear your throat. 
San clears his throat, too, and you feel his warmth decreasing as he backs away. “I’ll see you downstairs.”
“Yeah,” you say, not turning around to face him. 
The rest of the morning is wrapped up in making final touches in preparation for the presentation that was to take place after lunch. You and San complete your work as you normally do, but every now and then, you can feel his lingering eyes on yours, looking at you just a little longer than necessary.
Just before lunch ends, you make your way into the empty auditorium to set up the presentation and double-check the formatting. Slowly, the rest of the team begins piling in, and soon enough, the seats begin filling up.
You head to the backstage area and start tidying your appearance and getting mic-ed. San comes into the area, taking big gulps of air and revising a thick stack of flashcards with his head down.  
You peak behind the curtain to find more bodies occupying the seats of the intimate auditorium. At San’s repeated deep breaths, you close the curtain and turn to tell him to get a hold of himself. The words die on the tip of your tongue when you see flicking through the flashcards with an anxious tenacity. 
Sighing, you walk up to him and take the cards from his tight grip. “You’ll be okay. We’ve rehearsed this hundreds of times,” you reach to fix his collar, avoiding his skin. “You’ll be okay,” you repeat slower and more sure, straightening his black tie. His eyes follow the movement of your own, and his breathing calms and quiets.
“I’m—” 
“Let’s fucking rock this shit,” Wooyoung walks into the backstage area with a deadly green neon energy drink in hand. The data analyst follows in after him, with an equally deadly hot pink drink. They both clink the cans together and chug them down before they start getting each other mic-ed up. 
As the final members of the team roll in, you gather everyone to go over any last minute changes. You quickly go over each section and what each member will be handling, and when everyone’s aligned and on the same page, you walk up to the closed curtain and hear San follow and stand beside you. 
Moments before the curtains open, you bravely intertwine your fingers with his and give him a secure squeeze. He hesitates to tighten his hand around yours, but you don’t mind. Ignoring the overwhelming sensation that travels up your arms from where your hands connect, you whisper out to him once more, “You’ll be okay.”
And he was okay. So were you. As was the rest of the team when you were showered with applause at the end of your presentation. 
*****
In the accomplishment of your successful and thorough presentation, TechTots Studios signs with your company and jumpstarts the second quarter of the year with the riskier and challenging plans your board of directors had been searching for. The good reception sends rumors of a potential promotion, and the employees of the floor sent knowing and happy looks your way, as if you’d already been promoted. 
Between the transition from the first to second quarter, Lushpin announces his retirement party that essentially confirmed the promotion rumors and was to take place in the office over the upcoming weekend. 
In the quiet of your own apartment, you purchase a pair of dark red pumps. Still professional but a change to match the change in you. 
As the weekend arrives, you make your way to the party much too early. You find yourself in conference room B with your new shoes, still in their box. 
Placing the daunting box on the table, you look up at the ridiculously filled idea board. The work completed by your team over the span of the past few months was finally going to come to fruition. Hands on your hips, you take a look at the messy notes, magazine cuttings, and post-its hung up by an array of tape and pushpins. Satisfied, you take a seat on a chair and remove your black pumps. 
You unwrap the dark red shoes and let your feet slip into the new material. Back still sore, you struggle to bend down and buckle them in. You sit up with a sigh and make a mental note of booking a deep tissue massage before the work for the second quarter starts coming in. 
“Hey,” San stands at the door of the conference room. He was dressed impressively in a dark gray blazer with a matching vest underneath. A white dress shirt was crisply tucked into black dress pants, and he had shined black derby shoes. “You’re here early.”
“Could say the same about you,” you say, sitting straighter. He sends you a soft smile and steps into the room. He looks at the empty box on the table and then down at your feet. 
Unbuttoning his vest with one hand, San kneels in front of you and pats his thighs. At your hesitation, he sighs out in distressed frustration, “You’re in pain. Come on, let me help.”
You raise your leg and place it gently on his thighs. The dark red heel pops against the jet black of his pants. He scoots up a little bit, and the rich chocolate of his cologne beckons you to bend forward in response, putting more of your weight on his thigh. He takes the straps to buckle them shut on your flimsy shoes. Wrapping one hand around the underside of the shoe, he avoids your skin and keeps the fingers of his other hand focused on getting the thin plastic tucked into its place. 
You stare at him for a long time. His fingers are clumsy, but his furrowed brows and concentrated pout distract you from them. You noticed he looked especially handsome today. The success of the collaboration had washed a thin veil of assured confidence over San, and it looked incredible on him. His black hair was cleanly combed, but a few strands fell over his forehead as he worked at your shoes. His outfit complimented his figure well. And he was being so watchful. 
He had been watchful. Watchful enough to sense your discomfort and give you space before you’d have to request it. Watchful of how you work and your routine within the floor’s environment. Watchful enough to make sure no part of his skin is touching any part of yours. 
Carefully, your hands reach to fist his neat collar. At your actions, San’s eyes grow large with surprise, and you look back into them. You travel down the slope of his nose to the curve of his lips. When you find them stuck in his signature pout, you move back up to his now hopeful eyes. Fuck it. Throwing caution to the wind, you lean in and softly place your lips on his.
Almost immediately, you feel San’s lips moving eagerly against yours. When you let out a gasped breath at his quick pace, San quickly grounds himself. His own movements slow, and he lets you take charge moving against him and exploring at your own rate. Even after the initial shock, the kiss feels intoxicating. Your hands grip his collar tighter, but you don’t feel his hands on you and you’re thankful for the fact. His soft lips are already rousing, and you’re sure you’d melt into a puddle if his hands were anywhere on your body. 
Something else you find yourself grateful for in that moment is Wooyoung’s exuberant personality. It’s always helped you in times of awkwardness. It’s bright. It’s bubbly. It’s something you can hear coming from miles away. 
At his bewitching laughter coming from down the hall, you force yourself to pull away from San. You catch an upsettingly dopey and smitten expression on his face as you look down timidly into your lap. With your hung low, you also find the image of San’s tightly closed fists at his sides. His knuckles have turned white, and the veins in his arms are popping at the blood pumping strongly within.
You put your other heel into his lap and wiggle it lightly. When he finally registers Wooyoung’s cackle, San works the strap of your second shoe much quicker than the first. When the door finally slams open, San’s standing and dusting off his thighs.
“Hey, you guys,” with half his body out the door, Wooyoung gestures out, “A little birdie told me they’ve only got a limited amount of the good alcohol, so I’d get a move on if you’re planning on surviving the rest of night. Come on, man,” he reaches out to grab a very dazed San’s arm. 
Your tongue suddenly feels heavy in your mouth, but you manage to stumble out, “I, I uh, have to just organize this,” you point at the ambiguous mess of sticky notes and laminated graphs decorating the idea board. Wooyoung pays your discomposure no mind and tells you to hurry, pulling San out of the conference room in a rush. Through the glass, you catch San’s unfair and startled expression, one that looked like it had yet a lot of things to say, making you laugh lightly.
When he disappears down the hall, out of view, your fingers travel up to touch your tingling lips, searching for San’s lips that were just there. Your entire body feels like it’s on fire, and you stand up to shake it off.
The floor was decorated to the nines. With the tables moved out, sparkling streamers were suspended from the windows, and the balloons trail along the corners. A congratulatory banner hung on the wall next to even more balloons. For added measure, a disco ball brought in by another employee. The floor shimmered golden and silver from the decorations. 
Throughout the rest of the night, your cheeks grow sore with how often and widely you’re smiling. You catch San’s eyes often as he stands, deep in conversation with Wooyoung across the floor. He looks into your eyes and smiles wider. 
Some time later, as you’re pouring yourself a glass of punch, San makes his way to you. “Hi,” he says.
“Hi,” you respond with a cheery smile.
“Oh, just the people I was looking for!” Ms. Daisy shrieks in her heavy accent, walking to you with quick steps. “Have you tried the punch? How’s it tasting? I should try to stay away from the alcohol, but you know me.” She temporarily stops her thoughts for a moment, eyeing the two of you up and down. “Oh, you both look like such darlings tonight!” she adds, before starting up again. 
Hiding your hands behinds San’s, you shyly reach out to intertwine your fingers with his as Ms. Daisy continues on. This time, he immediately tightens his hold, and you momentarily look down at your hands with a yet another smile. The touch feels electric, yet somehow, you’re not overwhelmed by it. His warm hand calms your quickening heartbeat, and you pray he doesn’t let go for the rest of the night.
For some more time, you stick by each other’s sides, conversing and enjoying the night. More and more people start filling the floor, and when San leaves to refill your glass of punch, you notice the chairman and board of directors among them. 
“I think they’re lumping in the promotion announcement right now,” Ms. Daisy tells you excitedly, finding you again when she spots the group herself. 
You keep your eyes on the group and watch them hug and congratulate Lushpin. As if they’d known each other for years, they fall into an easy conversation at a table, and from across the room, you watch them silently. When the chairman rises out of his seat with his glass in hand, your heartbeat quickens. 
“I’d like to make an announcement!” the chairman starts. When the commotion has come to a stop and only the music can be heard, he points his glass towards Lushpin, “This man has been with our company for decades and my friend for decades more. He’s helped to get us where we are today, and for you, Lenny Lushpin, the boys and I will be eternally thankful.”
From beside you, you hear Wooyoung groan quietly, “Bet you’re wishing you’d gotten your hands on some that good alcohol now, huh?”
With a smile, you shake your head. You’d listen to this over and over again just to get to the end one more time. When the compliments start running out, the chairman clears his throat, “I think we all know there’s a promotion in place?” Some light laughter trickles through the crowd. 
“We’ve been watching their progress closely. We’ve known this person to be a hard-worker, and we want them to know that this effort of theirs has not gone unnoticed by us,” he gestures to the other standing executives. “They’ve shown their capabilities and contributions to their team especially during the preliminary aspects of this project. They’ve been a guiding light and have given us a great advantage early into the year of 2024.”
You look for San on the crowded floor. He hadn’t come back to your side since he’d left to refill your punch. You wanted to look at him while your name was called. In that moment, it didn’t matter that you weren’t completely self-assured or only just slightly better than the old you. It didn’t matter that your scars hadn’t healed completely, and you weren’t perfect. You finally find him tucked behind Lushpin and look directly at him, standing on your toes, to get his attention.
San avoids your eyes. The chairman raises a toast, “To our new project manager and my beloved nephew, Choi San!”
Author's Note II: It's me again lol. What did you guys think? For those of you who made it this far, I want to ask if you prefer longer parts like this or if would you prefer shorter parts? Please let me know what you think! Much love <3
taglist: @rockstarsanie , @itza-meee
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Sunrise
soldier!san x soldier!reader
military dilf/milf agents working in the special forces au
word count: ~29k
genres and warnings: mostly angst, sometimes fluffy, smut (mdni), violence warnings, past trauma, blood and weapons, basically its war but san makes it better <3
synopsis: you and san are majors in the special forces, having trained together after your sector was occupied. you both work as partners in your team now, surviving through hell together and having each other's back. you think the idea of romance while being in the military is stupid for a number of reasons, but san thinks otherwise and decides to prove his point, making you question your beliefs.
manager-nim: @eightmakesonebraincell (we talked about ateez as military dilfs and this happened LOL)
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“I’ve had enough of grown men acting like children,” you muttered to yourself, trying to find the scissors in the box of instruments, shuffling them loudly and not realising you were holding your breath until the patient in front of you helped by picking the scissors right out as if they had been right there the entire time time. 
“What was that?”
You glared at the grown man you had referred to now having heard your complaint, a faint smirk crawling on his lips as if taunting you- and perhaps, he was. You were acting like a child too. You were feeling like a child ready to burst at him.
You said nothing, only cut the gauze and secured it around the wound you had just stitched. His eyes continued to bore holes into you and you continued to ignore it as you took the ointment and a cotton swab, applying it gently on his grazed cheekbone. 
“You’re clenching your jaw a bit too hard right now, Major Seo. You don’t want to end up being unable to sleep because your jaw hurts… again.”
Referring to the time you hurt your jaw- the only time you lost your footing even in your own memory. It made it on your Top Embarrassing Moments list, and he was a part of every item on that list. And the fact that your squad wouldn’t let you live it down made it worse. After all, you had lost your footing and bumped into a shelf because Major Choi caught your eye when he was taking off his jacket.
Major Choi San. Your squad member but probably your worst enemy too. 
“At least I didn’t cut my arm trying to run after a cat, Major Choi.”
“The cat might have stepped on a landmine-”
“The cats are not that dumb,” you put a bandage on his cheekbone and intentionally pressed it harder than you had to, making sure this jab hurt with the one you had made verbally- referring to the time he almost stepped on a landmine after drinking. He had been grounded for weeks after and you had enjoyed every bit of peace that followed. “We literally have a mission in two days, Major.”
“Ah, don’t tell me you care,” Major Choi scoffed out loud and you couldn’t help but glance around you, noticing very well how the other nurses were eyeing the two of you while they treated their patients. You understood them but at the same time, you didn’t. You understood that most of them found him intimidating and for all the right reasons. You didn’t (though that was questionable too) because you two had trained together since the very beginning. 
So, why did Major Choi refuse to be treated by anyone else other than you? Was it simply to get on your nerves? In that case, he should know he was already doing a good enough job. Or was it because you two were the only ones who were still here, still alive, after spending almost a decade on the field together? Or maybe it was because of that one time you both shared a traumatic experience-
You didn’t care enough, you told yourself. 
“Of course I care,” you began, wrapping up the sprawled instruments on the trolley. “I will have to do twice the amount of work without you. And my risk of dying increases by a solid 14 percent. Of course I’d rather have you on the team.”
Major Choi rolled his eyes, getting up and wearing his jacket again, watching you close the medical kits and roll the trolley to a corner, shaking his head in amusement when you flipped a finger at him and went ahead to report him. He followed right behind you, wondering how to bait you into not reporting to their leader at all.
“Major Seo,” he called but you ignored him, knowing that ‘pleading’ tone very well. “Major Seo… Pretty.”
You rolled your eyes so hard you felt a sharp pain go through your skull. He was always making something up with your last name ‘Seo’, adding adjectives so he could call you something like ‘so angry’ or ‘so bossy’. You hated it and it had been a mistake to react to it in the beginning because he never let it go again.
“Say something like that again and you’ll have me presenting an exaggerated report. You won’t be seeing sunlight for a while, Major.”
“So feisty,” he shook his head and you stopped, turning to glare at him and he realised then, shaking his head furiously. “I didn’t mean it like that. Promise.”
You sighed, tuning out his rambling and knocking at the squad leader’s door. When you heard the familiar clearing of his throat as an answer, you stepped inside and the two of you saluted in synchronisation until the man nodded.
“Sergeant Kim, reporting to you from Squad 8,” you called and the sergeant scoffed.
“Major Choi got in trouble again?”
“Yes, Sergeant,” Major Choi decided to speak for himself. “I was… saving a cat from a landmine.”
“How many times have I told you to leave the cats alone, Major?”
“17 times as of now, Sergeant!” Major Choi saluted and you stifled a smile. The Sergeant asked you to report the damage and you did- it wasn’t too bad but if you had to go on the mission tomorrow instead of the day after like planned, he wouldn’t be able to join.
“If we have to go to the field tomorrow,” Sergeant Kim concluded, “You’ll stay back.”
“But, Sergeant-”
“And we better have clean rooms and a fresh meal when we get back,” Sergeant Kim glared at him. “If we go the day after… then you can join.”
You felt the Major shift from one foot to another and were reminded of the boy he used to be- when he was still Choi San and not Major Choi- suddenly feeling nostalgic. Some habits never changed. The Major cleared his throat and saluted in answer and you followed, leaving to go back to your rooms. 
You both walked in silence as you approached the dorms and just as you were about to part ways, you heard Major Choi clear his throat and you spared a glance.
“I won’t be staying back, even if we have to go tomorrow,” his gaze was steel. “You, of all people, should know that.”
“I don’t want to risk bringing an injured squad member who could be a liability to the rest of us. You know that.”
The Major stifled a groan but before he could insist, you continued. “Do you remember the last time we took an injured member with us?”
His eyes flashed. “This is only a cut to my arm. It’s not something that will affect our mission.”
“Your aim could be affected. Whatever, there’s no point arguing with you,” you groaned, tired and ready to hit the bed and knock yourself out. “You’ll stay behind if we’re going tomorrow, end of the discussion.”
“We’ll see,” he said and you knew he meant that there was no way he wouldn’t join. You hoped Sergeant Kim, at least, wouldn’t give in to him tomorrow. You really could not lose another squad member just because they insisted on joining despite being injured, no matter how small the injury might be. 
So you did the only thing you could do- pray you wouldn’t have to go to the field tomorrow. But you knew that as a Major in the Special Forces, you always had to expect the worst. You did not have the luxury of hoping for a miracle. All you could do was pray and ignore the gnawing feeling in your gut which was answer enough.
And it was not like your prayers were answered because as you woke up at the crack of dawn, you noticed that it wasn’t as noisy as it used to be. Already knowing what was ahead, you wore your black and grey uniform and got ready, taking a few deep breaths in the room before straightening and stepping outside.
It was awfully empty too- none of the others from your squad or other squads exiting their rooms with puffy eyes or tired figures. When you heard the sound of a door opening, you turned to see your own squad member, Major Yu, looking as confused as you.
“Where are the others?” She asked.
“Exactly what I’m wondering,” you frowned. “Did they perhaps dispatch Squad 6 last night?”
“Not when I was awake,” she wiped the sleep from her eyes. “Let’s go. We might have to prepare for the mission today, it seems.”
With a sinking heart, you both decided to go to the Sergeant’s office first and just as you had thought, the mission had taken an unexpected turn last night. The secret operation the other squads had been on for the past few days had been discovered and Squad 6 had been dispatched to help them, but they needed to change shifts now. 
“It’s getting uglier- the enemy won’t let them go so easily,” Sergeant Kim said. “We’re carrying out our operation in 3 hours from now, so prepare for it. Make no mistakes- but first… eat breakfast. I don’t want any of you looking pale because you didn’t eat.”
Major Yu smiled at that and the two of you saluted, about to exit when you turned. “Major Choi San insists on joining the operation.”
“He’s ready to go,” the Sergeant shook his head and you gaped at him. “He got up quite early today. As if he knew.”
Indeed, you spotted him in the cafeteria gulping down his breakfast as if he was short on time when he looked as prepared as one could be, dressed in his gear and loaded with weapons. You rolled your eyes, taking your tray of food to sit at the table next to him.
“All this effort. Did you change your bandages?”
The Major stopped in the middle of stuffing his face with rice. “Uh… I thought I had to change it later?”
“You’re going to the field, you fool,” you couldn’t believe it. “What are you gonna do, ask me to change your bandage when we’re getting fired at from every direction?”
“Oh, but you’d do that for me, won’t you?” He teased and you pretended to throw up, Major Yu laughing at the two of you as she joined you. “Don’t worry. We can get the bandage changed now. I’ll undress for you-”
“And, there he is,” Major Yu sighed. “I really wonder what you’ve got against this poor girl, Major Choi. You should go to the medical ward- we have to prepare too.”
“Then the bandages can wait-”
“Ugh, okay, I’ll change them for you, we don’t want them infected,” you muttered, already feeling done for the day. He always had to be so stubborn. You simply did not have the time to entertain him. You had things to do- but first, you would change his bandages so he could get off your back and let you prepare in peace.
You had to admit- you were slightly amused to see him struggle unloading himself and taking off all the complicated belts and ropes before finally being able to take off his shirt so you could inspect his upper arm. You shook your head. “That’s what you get for being over-efficient. You could have waited until I woke up, but no. You had to be present before any of your squad members.”
“I knew you were not going to let me go, so I did what I had to.”
Even though working in the Special Forces had turned your heart to rock, it still fluttered whenever the man in front of you looked at you funny or said something like this. However, your face didn’t reveal any of it and you prayed he wasn’t observant enough to notice. 
“Well, I can’t stop you now,” you sighed in relief to see he was healing up well. “Be careful not to rip your stitches. I’ll be carrying a kit so if you feel like something is wrong, you need to tell me before it gets worse, okay?”
“Yes, boss.”
“And stop being so casual with me,” you glared at him before taping a new bandage to his arm and securing it well this time. 
“I literally called you ‘boss’,” Major Choi chuckled to himself. You poked your tongue in your cheek as you glared at him- or tried to, but his eyes curving when he laughed always put a smile on your own face. He noticed that and said, “You’re allowed to smile.”
“Whatever,” you chuckled. “Be careful out there, okay? We’re marching to Sector 1. It cannot get any more dangerous than that.”
“I know,” his tone grew grim and you knew you were both recalling the life-threatening situation you faced the last time you were there- about two years ago. “You’ll have my back, won’t you?”
“And you’ll have mine,” you said and he nodded. “Let’s all come back alive, okay?”
It was always like this between you two- especially after that incident a couple years ago. You two may tease each other to death and be out for each other like enemies but you trusted each other the most out of anyone else. Time and time again, you both proved what being a team meant. The Major got up and opened his mouth as if to say something but shook his head instead, and you resisted the urge to ask him to finish his thought, instead saying you’ll join him in the office after getting ready and went to prepare for the operation in your room.
It was a mechanical process now- gearing up in your uniform which was so black you would become one with the shadows, docking up on layers and ropes and packing your bag with all the necessities- a medical kit, some food rations, water, your radio and all the necessary equipment. Lastly, you hid weapons everywhere on yourself where you could, the only visible ones the guns around your belt and a sniper hanging by your shoulder.
You went to the office and found Major Kang and Major Choi Jongho already present, chatting with Major Yu. Your squad- and naturally, the rest started referring to Major Choi Jongho as ‘Major CJ’ which started as a joke first until it wasn’t anymore. You settled down near them and said hello, joining in the conversation- Major Yu detailing the events of the morning to them.
“So I genuinely thought someone had died, or worse, because it hasn’t been this silent around here since the time Major Han said she found Sergeant Kim attractive out loud,” Major Yu said and Major Kang burst into his trademark giggle that made everyone around him laugh. “So I found her looking as confused as me and she had that funny look on her face- you know the one she makes when she either has no idea what’s going on or when Major Choi says something weird-”
You rolled your eyes. Major Yu had to be the most laid back person in your squad and sometimes you wished she wasn’t so observant. “Whatever Major Choi does doesn’t affect me.”
“He literally makes you almost cry, but okay, we can pretend we don’t see that,” Major CJ said and the others grinned at you giving them the side-eye. 
“Where’s he now, anyway?” You wondered. “He was up and ready so early that I’m wondering if he went to bed like that-”
“And of course you wonder how I go to bed,” Major Choi said, entering the room and having heard the last part, making you wonder how he always managed to appear at the worst possible timing. “I had to do what I had to.”
“Still, I think it’s too much,” Major Kang shook his head. “We don’t take injured people to the field. You know the rules.”
“But this mission requires my presence- everyone’s presence. We’re all going in, whether you guys like it or not.”
“Alright,” you shrugged. “If you become a liability, we’ll leave you on the field and return. At least my nurse duties will decrease by half.”
“And I’d have the room to myself!” Major Kang cheered and Major CJ grinned. Major Choi, however, was sulking deeper with every passing minute and Major Yu poked his elbow right where you had stitched it, making him scowl and you wondered if she did it on purpose. 
“Ay, you know we wouldn’t do that to you,” she assured him. “But you have to admit, the thought of having one less person to write reports about is very tempting to me-”
“Please,” Major Choi groaned out loud and you silently laughed, knowing they were all trying to raise his spirits before the mission because he was the type to get very serious before going to the field.
A few moments later, Sergeant Kim and Major Han arrived in the office and all of you got up and saluted your leader before he settled down with you, now forming a little circle so he could look all of you in the eyes as he instructed you and shared the details. 
“I’m happy to see all of you present and healthy,” Sergeant Kim glared at Major Choi who pretended to be interested in the very boring ceiling all of a sudden. “We’re leaving in exactly 30 minutes from now and we will be on standby at the border of Sector 1 before we go in to extract Squad 7. Squad 5 will take care of Squad 6 so if you come across anyone from Squad 6, you will take them with you but alert 5 before you take another step, is that understood?”
“Yes, Sir!” Everyone said in unison.
“Just like always, we’re splitting into teams- I’m leading with Delta and Sierra as Team 1,” Sergeant Kim referred to Major Kang and Major Yu who straightened and nodded. “Fox and Victor as Team 3, Charlie and Echo as Team 2.”
You being Echo and Charlie being Major Choi- you met eyes for a moment before nodding. Sergeant Kim continued, “If the two of you require assistance, you will call either Fox or Victor,” he referred to Major Han and Major CJ. “And if they cannot join you, then Delta or Sierra will. You’re at the heart of the operation, though, so be careful, okay?”
“Okay,” Major Choi’s grip on his rifle tightened- something that went unobserved by most but then again, you were familiar with every movement of his body. 
“And lastly,” Sergeant Kim sighed- you all knew how much he hated delivering the final instruction which was- “If any of you is indisposed, you all know the rules. Our first priority is making sure the mission succeeds- and this time, it’s to extract Squad 7 who hold important data with them. Help will come later, till then… you’ll be on your own. May the fates be with you.”
A collective sigh went through the room- it wasn’t because of the fear of being indisposed, but the fear someone else would be and you would have to leave them behind. That was the hardest part. Sergeant Kim got up. “You are allowed to request backup, remember that. I will be back in 30- check each other’s gears.”
The half an hour passed by in a flurry of light jokes, assuring taps, fixing some part of the gear and then waiting until Sergeant Kim arrived in gear and the seven of you proceeded to move to the basement where three cars waited for you with additional soldiers. You and Major Choi got inside your car and travelled in silence for the rest of the way, watching the expanse of barren fields until you reached the border of Sector 1. You leaned a bit to see the silhouette of buildings that were at the heart of Sector 1- a city that had once bloomed with life, now dead and infiltrated with terrorists. 
The city that had once been your home- and Major Choi’s, who was also staring into the distance with glazed eyes.
You proceeded to turn on the radio setup and connect it with the rest of the teams while Major Choi lazily cleaned his guns, sighing deeply in between. Once you were done testing your radios, you relaxed back and he finally spoke.
“Do you think we would have come across each other if Eden hadn’t attacked our home?”
You blinked at the sudden and personal question- another unusual thing from Major Choi today- you didn’t like being personal during a mission and he knew it. But the way you both had been stealing glances at what was once your home, you supposed curiosity got the better of him.
“I don’t know,” you shrugged. “Maybe? At some point of our life? Sector 1 isn’t too big.”
“I sometimes wonder if we were fated to meet each other,” he mused. “From being homeless to finding a place in the army- we have been together for a while, haven’t we?”
You pursed your lips- it still stung whenever you recalled the dark times. “Do you sometimes wonder what it would have been like if we didn’t make it in the army?”
“All the time,” he admitted, sounding grim. “But we… We kept each other in check. We still do.”  You smiled at that and he joined, whispering, “We’ve kept each other alive.”
“Or maybe you have been stupid enough to not let me die- not without you,” you pointed out. “I still wonder what went through your head that one time you disobeyed all orders, risked your title and stayed back for me when I was indisposed.”
“But you did the same for me so many times,” he cocked his head. “You’ve risked your life for me more times than I can count.”
“We do that for everyone in our team,” you reminded him, though you knew he saw right through you. “We disobey orders all the time. I’m surprised they haven’t shuffled us around yet. Also, can you stop being sentimental right before a life-threatening mission?” You couldn’t help it and you both laughed. “There’s a time for everything, Major Choi San.”
He raised a brow at the way you called his name and you looked away- you could never meet his gaze long enough. Luckily, the radio sounded with your leader’s voice instructing you all to get out and walk on foot to the base in Sector 1 with your designated members and routes. You bumped fists with Major Choi before securing each other’s helmets, getting off the car and following the familiar barren road to the outskirts of the town, careful to avoid eyes but glad it was very hazy today.
The two of you walked in sync until you reached the abandoned hospital which was your station. You took the lead, he provided cover and you entered the building, inspecting it thoroughly as you made way to the 4th floor and took out the binoculars to monitor any sort of activity and help Sergeant Kim’s team get to the heart of the city. A few hours passed like that, mostly in silence, occasional comments or instructions passed through the radio, and you almost, almost relaxed until a loud blast shook you to the core, making you both instinctively duck down and cover each other, trying not to lose your footing as the ground beneath your feet rumbled.
A whistle rang in your ear and you took a few deep breaths- it wasn’t the first time you experienced a blast up close but it always made your heart sink in the worst possible way. You felt Major Choi squeezing your shoulder- you were alright. He was alright. You motioned okay at him and he peeked up from the window to inspect the damage and you followed after a moment. The six-story building that had been two streets away from you was now turning into rubble. 
“That is Squad 6’s station,” you said. “Squad 7 might have been in there. We should move.”
Major Choi nodded and spoke on his radio. “Alpha- you heard that?”
“Loud and clear,” Sergeant Kim’s voice sounded grim. “Do not move right now. You’re the closest- you might meet trouble on the way. Wait for my instruction.”
“Copy that,” he replied and you both decided to move up another floor and see if you could spot the enemy somewhere. You did- a couple of men in cloaks leaving from the West Exit and you alerted Team 3 who went to inspect as per your instructions.
“We have about 20 minutes until it gets dark, and then you can inspect the damage to Squad 6’s station while on your way to the enemy’s base,” Sergeant Kim ordered. “We have retrieved two of Squad 7’s members. Team 3?”
“We have retrieved three of Squad 6’s members,” Major CJ reported. “That leaves one member from each team- Squad 6 here says they were last seen near the enemy base.”
“Team 2 will take care of it then,” the Sergeant concluded. “Meet me at the North Exit, Victor and Fox. We’ll take care of the enemy there.”
“Copy that,” the rest of you reported and you prayed silently that everyone would make it back alive. Meanwhile, Major Choi offered you a sandwich from his bag and you ate it while you kept watch, thankful that your station still hadn’t been exposed to the enemy.
As soon as the sun set, you put on your night vision goggles and started following Major Choi out, hands gripping the rifle. You both trod like cats- silent and alert. You reached the rubble of what was once Squad 6’s base in a few minutes and searched for any signs of life but found none. 
“They must be around the enemy base somewhere then,” you said. “Let’s follow their last location.”
Your partner agreed and you both walked in silence yet again, hiding behind walls and rubble until you could spot the enemy base in your vision, noticing a few men walking around it, probably on guard duty. 
“What if they’re held hostage?” You asked.
“Our mission is to extract them wherever they are,” Major Choi reminded. “We can request backup.”
“Let’s inspect the area first and then create a distraction before we move inside,” you suggested and he agreed.
All your senses felt heightened as you parted ways- mostly because you felt a bit defenceless that he wasn’t providing cover like he usually did. All you could think about was remaining alert and not missing anything, and you counted seconds until you spotted the Major again and joined him, containing in your sigh of relief because the mission wasn’t over yet.
“Request backup?” You asked.
“I’ll ask them to meet us right here after we’re done extracting the agents,” he said and you nodded, watching him speak into his radio while you tightened your gloves, buzzing with eagerness to get this mission done and over with. The two of you went through interconnected buildings and doorways until you stood outside a door in the basement of one of the buildings that connected inside the enemy base- some path they probably hadn’t learned about, if you were lucky, since they had quite recently changed bases. You were about to break the door when the Major grabbed your wrist-
Quite gently, you noticed.
“If things go south, you know what to do, right?”
You scoffed. “Who are we kidding, Major? We were never ones to obey orders- at least not from each other.”
Major Choi groaned loudly, almost in amusement. “If things go south, you will call for an immediate backup request, not wait for me and make your way out, is that clear?”
You did not like being talked to in that tone so you snatched your wrist and poked his chest with your gloved finger. “The last time I told you this… don’t even get me started.”
You both stared at each other, none of you giving in, his eyes locked on yours- the only thing you could see with the masks and the helmets. Your finger was still poking into his chest and he finally sighed, taking your hand in his and drawing it away. You swallowed the lump in your throat and shook your head. “If things look bleak, let’s not make them worse, okay?”
“Okay,” his voice was laced with amusement and you glared at him.
“I won’t be surprised if we have to change partners soon.”
“I won’t let them,” Major Choi promised. “You’re the only one I trust.”
“What did I tell you about not being sentimental during missions?” You broke the door, grimacing at the loud sounds that rang through the basement. “Let’s move, Charlie.”
“Got you, Echo,” he patted your back and you both stepped into the darkness, wearing your goggles again.
Every sound from that point on caught your attention. You could hear the Major’s breathing so you trained your ears to ignore it and focus on the other sounds. You walked along the path that only got narrower with each step and waited a few moments at the door which was the entrance inside the enemy base, letting the Major do his thing and check for any signs of life with his equipment.
“Empty room,” he whispered. “Go.”
You nodded and began unlocking the door with a set of pins, humming when it clicked in place and you opened the door- or tried to, since it was blocked. Major Choi helped you push it until the gap was big enough for you two to pass through and you carefully stepped inside.
“You remember the layout?” You asked and he nodded. “This must be the only storage room in the basement. Where do you reckon they would keep their hostages?”
“In the basement… in the cells. If not, they’ve defected.”
“Unless-”
“Unless that’s their strategy,” he completed and you nodded, glad your partner was one to follow his instinct and heart instead of the book, which if you were honest simply did not have a few principles right. “Let’s inspect the cells first.”
“You ready?”
Major Choi mirrored your motions- adjusting his guns and fixing the daggers in his sleeves. “Let’s get the party started.”
After that, it was a flash of blood and screams as you both exited the storage room, exterminating any enemy in sight until you reached the cells and found one of your agents inside, a bloody mess himself. You broke his chains and asked his name and when he said his codename ‘Bravo’, you were glad he was in his senses.
“Where’s Agent Oscar?” You asked and he shook his head.
“They might have taken him for questioning- I heard the guards talk.”
You clenched your jaw- this was going to get messier then, especially with the Major already firing at the incoming stream of enemy guards. “You can walk?”
“Yes,” he said and you accompanied him to the storage room, the Major providing cover. You instructed Agent Bravo to follow the path to the exit where backup would arrive in a few minutes, handed him a loaded gun and secured the door after him. You joined the Major who had just finished with a fresh wave of guards.
“They’re onto us. Let’s make it quick. I’ll shell them.”
You nodded and you took the lead this time, taking the stairs and firing at anyone who was unfortunate enough to get in your way and you made your way up another flight after inspecting the rooms on the ground level. Thankfully, you and Major Choi only had minor scratches and grazes right now- nothing that kept you from moving forward.
You took a sharp turn but got pulled back as a bullet passed, missing you by a fraction. You spared a glance at Major Choi who gave you a warning look and you heard what he meant loud and clear- ‘be careful’. Before you could continue, he took the lead and you provided cover, letting him guide you both to the end of the hallway where he turned-
And found himself faced with 5 guns pointed at his head. You were outnumbered.
You paused as well, a couple of guards aiming their own gun at you from the other end. You clicked your tongue twice and your partner understood, raising his hands in surrender and you followed suit- but what the enemy did not know was that you had learned a few magic tricks when you were little. You never thought you’d use them in the military, but here you were, a grenade rolling down the hallway out of nowhere and you clicked your fingers.
Three.
The guards shouted and you rolled another grenade with a tap of your feet, the others wondering where the hell it appeared from when your own hands had been raised as long as the Major’s. 
Two.
Major Choi watched one of the guards point his guns at Agent Oscar who said a silent prayer as he looked up at the ceiling. 
One.
You smirked to yourself, clicking your tongue again. The guards in front of you took cover while the ones in the room shouted at each other, trying to come up with an escape plan now that the grenade was right at their feet but failing.
Zero.
You and Major Choi switched positions in a flash and while he covered you with his body, you shot at the 5 men in a series while the grenade behind you burst. Unfortunately, one of them managed to shoot at you and the bullet landed in your calf though your reaction only lasted a few seconds. You felt the Major’s body shake against yours as rubble fell on the two of you. You ignored the pain burning though your entire body and glanced up, sighing in relief when you saw that Oscar was fine.
“We’re exiting from the window,” Major Choi got up and started planting the hook to the wall and dropped the rope down the building, groaning when he spotted movement outside the building too. He aimed at them with his rifle and got rid of them while you took care of any approaching guards, finding a few moments of peace.
“We’re sliding down first- he can’t walk properly,” Major Choi had noticed Oscar’s mutilated leg. “You’ll follow after I give the signal, okay?”
“Okay,” you breathed heavily.
“You good?” He scanned you, noticing the blood dripping down. You nodded but he made quick work of pulling a piece of cloth from his bag and tying it around your leg, securing the bullet inside, the pain dimming since it wouldn’t jab with every movement you made now. Oscar stood watch in the meanwhile, inquiring about the rest of his squad and you told him they were extracted, which made his eyes fill with life again.
“Let’s move,” Major Choi called Oscar and you went back to covering for them while they escaped through the window. You sighed in relief when your radio sounded to alert you that they had made it to the ground safely but the relief didn’t last long as a bunch of guards came in your vision and you hid.
“Come down, now,” Major Choi called and you took a deep breath, knowing you would have to jump a good distance since you didn’t have enough time to simply slide down the rope all the way down. As if Major Choi had read your thoughts, he was there to cushion your jump and the three of you disappeared inside the alleyway, trying to navigate back to the spot where backup would be waiting. 
However, luck was not on your side tonight. One moment you were jogging to the building in front of you and the next, the three of you were thrown into the air, the bright fire blinding you momentarily despite your protective goggles. For a few seconds, all you did was stare at the sky, wondering if you had died or if the sky was simply so cloudy that not a single star could be seen. It wasn’t until you heard a familiar groan that you came back to your senses and crawled towards your partner.
“San- Are you okay?” You managed to ask- he seemed to have hit his head somewhere, blood trickling down his forehead.
“I’m good,” he exhaled. “Oscar?”
Oscar didn’t respond and you panicked, crawling desperately towards the limp figure and found his pulse growing fainter. You began dragging him with Major Choi to the nearest cover- a big chunk of cement and you stopped, out of breath. You took off your mask and checked your radio but it had broken. You muttered a series of curses, throwing your helmet away in anger while you planned your escape.
“Take Oscar with you to the basement- backup will be waiting,” you hoisted yourself up so you could lean against the rock. “I’ll join you.”
Major Choi narrowed his eyes, taking off his own mask. “You can’t walk, can you?”
“I don’t think I can right now, but I’ll be fine- I’ll be following close, I just need to catch my breath,” you coughed, mouth very dry. “Go, now. I can hide.”
“I’ll come back for you-”
“Don’t you dare,” you seethed. “It’s already been a bad day. Just take Oscar to the backup and wait for me there- do not send anyone else.”
“I won’t leave you in this state,” Major Choi announced- a plain and simple statement.
“Just go,” you begged. “Our mission won’t be complete until we deliver Oscar back. I’ll be fine- no one will come and check in here for a while. I’ll hide elsewhere.”
Major Choi looked conflicted, glancing back and forth between you and Oscar until you nudged his thigh with your boot. He crawled towards you, throwing off his helmet and your hand instinctively went to inspect his injury, sighing internally when you found it wasn’t as bad as you thought. 
What surprised you was him locking his forehead with yours as he said, “I promise I’ll be back.”
Before you could respond in any way, he had drawn back and was dragging Oscar, navigating through the rubble and meeting your eyes, pointing towards north. You understood and made a note to yourself to kill him if you made it out of here alive tonight. For now, you were going to hide in the rubble and watch them until they were out of sight. As soon as they were out of your vision, you relaxed and sat back down-
And heard the most horrible sound of gunshots in the direction Major Choi had gone- so horrible that your entire being shook. You immediately stood up and took out your binoculars to try and see if you could spot them but it was no use. 
You sat back down, looking up at the dark sky- where had it all gone wrong? It was like they were prepared, like they knew you were coming. Was there a rat in your base? Or was it obvious that the Special Forces never left their agents in the enemy’s hands? Were they expecting you because they knew you so well now?
You were glad it was so dark that the tears in your eyes didn’t blur your vision- there wasn’t anything to see anyway so you blindly started crawling towards north, staying as low as possible- you weren’t sure you could walk without limping now anyway. You went from hiding behind one chunk of rubble to another, checking your watch and knowing you didn’t have much time until someone would come to check if you made it out alive. 
After crawling endlessly, you checked your watch- it took you about forty minutes to simply reach the end of the destruction the blast had caused. You hid under a rock yet again, out of breath and with trembling hands you took out your bottle from the bag and drank a few sips, storing the rest for later in case you needed it. You could see your surroundings now thanks to the faint glow of streetlights in the distance and wondered if you should inspect your wound- Major Choi had done a good job of binding it. You decided to let it be and rest for a few minutes before moving forwards.
Forwards. For how long? You were already feeling groggy. Your eyes were twitching and you weren’t sure if you could remain awake if you weren’t moving.
So you decided to move. You prayed Major Choi would come back for you and disobey every order because only then you could know he was alive. For once, you wanted him to come back, because if he died-
You heard footsteps and you aimed your gun at the source, seeing the silhouette of someone walk, almost limp in your direction- the walk looked strangely familiar-
You lowered your gun when the outlines of his body became visible- it was Major Choi. He was alive-
“I searched for you everywhere,” Major Choi whispered harshly as he crouched down and a whimper escaped your mouth as he crushed you in a hug. “I thought I lost you, y/n.”
You shivered due to a number of reasons- he hadn’t called you by your name in a very, very long time. The last time he did was to wake you up when you both had been hostages together and even that had been years ago. The last time he hugged you was a memory you had almost forgotten too-
Not forgotten. Pushed in the deepest part of your memory so it wouldn’t come to you at unexpected times.
You were amazed by how awake you felt now that his arms were around you, his hand in your hair keeping your face tucked in the crook of his neck. You sighed deeply, your uneven breaths synchronising. You tugged at his shirt and perhaps, it was a wrong move. Perhaps he was suddenly aware of the position you were in because he pulled back-
You didn’t want him to pull back.
“I-” you cleared your throat. “I heard the gunshots- are you okay? Where’s Oscar?” You heard him suck in his breath when your hand touched his arm as you were drawing back and you touched the spot again, finding it wet and sticky-
Blood.
“What happened?”
“They must have spotted us- they fired. The first one hit Oscar in the head. I’m sorry-”
“But you’re okay?” You asked. “Only this?”
“Yeah, but we lost Oscar-” his voice shook and you put your hands on his.
“It’s okay,” you assured him. “Oscar might not have made it anyway- his pulse was very faint after the blast. You’re okay- god, I thought they got you, San, I really thought they did-”
You felt his body language shift after you called his name and you wondered just how much you both missed normal physical contact, normal human interactions since only the sound of your names on each other’s lips was making you react- perhaps even more than the casual displays of affection. You shook your head, willing yourself to focus. “What do we do?”
“Our retreat spot is compromised,” Major Choi said, “I think we should head to safety first before we come up with a plan or try to revive your radio. Mine got lost.”
“Okay,” you breathed. “Where to?”
“North, I think,” he sighed. “We mentioned north quite a few times today to the squad. They should get the hint and find us there.”
“They should,” you agreed and he got up. You followed but stumbled on your feet and he caught your arm right on time. 
“Can you walk?”
“Let me try,” you said, looking around before taking a step and biting your lips so harshly it almost drew blood- the pain in your leg was burning you at this point. “I think I’ll be fine… after a few steps.”
“You don’t look fine… Major.”
You glared at him, taking another step and this time unable to control the hiss of pain. He tsk-ed. “Get on my back- it’ll save us time.”
“I’m sorry but you’re not in the best shape either,” you pointed out. “And there’s no way I’m getting on your back-”
“Major, now is not the time for the little game we play of who makes it out in better shape,” he took a step forward and you instinctively took one back, making him groan. “Get on my back- don’t make me carry you like a princess.”
“Fine,” you gave up, “You better run then. There’s no way they wouldn’t spot us.”
With that, you hopped on his back and he hooked his arms under your legs. Silently, he carried you all the way towards the north, never stopping to catch his breath though you could see he was struggling- after all, he was tired too. When you could see the North Exit gate, you motioned for him to go to find someplace to hide- there would surely be enemy prowling here after Team 1’s successful mission. So the Major finally slowed down and turned in an alley and you helped yourself down.
“I don’t think we should risk going inside one of these,” he said, glancing at the abandoned structures of what had to be houses or shops once. “We should wait until sunrise before we try something. Let’s hide somewhere- come on.”
He took your hand and you both trod silently, sticking to the walls until you found a spot where it looked like whoever cared had collected rubble there to keep the rest of the city clean. A shed roof lay on the floor, twisted, and you pointed towards it. San helped you walk towards it and you finally collapsed on the ground under it, stifling a groan. Now that you allowed yourself to relax, the weariness was catching up and making your head spin.
Major Choi didn’t miss it- he immediately dug into his bag and handed you his bottle and two of the sandwiches he still had left. You asked him to conserve the water, glad you had your own bottle and took the sandwich, though the overwhelmingness of everything was making you nauseous.
“Can I inspect your wound?” Major Choi asked. You shook your head. 
“I don’t think I can be quiet if you try to extract the bullet- I think… I think I’ve lost a lot of blood,” you gulped, patting your trousers and finding them wet. “I shouldn’t sleep tonight.”
“I’ll make sure you don’t,” he took a deep breath and you could see the worry on his face even in the very faint light. “Someone should find us in the morning.”
“You’re okay, aren’t you? Anything odd you’re feeling?”
“Just the dull pain now,” he admitted. 
“You shouldn’t have come back, Major,” you chuckled, finishing the sandwich and urging him to eat his. He shook his head, offering it to you and you grabbed it only to stuff it in his mouth, making him chuckle. “You should have stayed behind. I would have been fine- someone would have come in the morning.”
“You know me,” He finished the sandwich in two bites, drinking a sip of water. “I don’t like making it back alone.”
You clicked your tongue in disappointment. “It’s a wonder they haven’t fired you yet. It really is.”
“I could say the same for you,” he raised a brow, shifting so he could sit beside you, back resting against the shed roof. “You’re not any different from me.”
You didn’t answer, recalling the old times. For a few moments, you were both silent and then the Major tapped your thigh and you hummed to tell him you were still awake.
“Don’t fall asleep- keep talking,” he ordered and you sighed. 
“You’re better at talking. I’m better at listening.”
“Just keep talking, for heaven’s sake,” he shifted to be closer to you so your shoulders were touching now. “Don’t say anything out loud- only whisper so you don’t get thirsty.”
“Okay,” you coughed a little, clenching your eyes shut when you felt a fresh wave of pain consume you. You felt the Major’s bare hands snake in yours and you smiled faintly.
“You shouldn’t have joined the mission today. Things could have been very different.”
“We’ll talk about that when we get back,” he dismissed. “Tell me what you want to do when you get back.”
“Sleep,” you laughed a little and he grinned. “What’s the time?”
“Almost midnight.”
“Damn it,” you sighed deeply. “I don’t think I’ll make it-”
“No,” he squeezed your hand. “I’m with you. I’m not letting anything happen to you. I won’t lose you- not like this.”
“Whatever,” you shrugged though you had to admit you were pleased to hear it. “Wait- isn’t that what I said when we were held hostages in Eden?”
“You remember?” He asked. You two hadn’t talked about the events of those three very, very long nights you had spent as hostages in Eden’s territory. “I thought you deleted that memory or something- you never addressed it again.”
“It’s not a good memory,” you said.
“True… but some of my favourite memories are from those days,” he began. “I made it out alive solely because you refused to let me die.”
“Is that why you’re doing the same right now?” You asked.
“Maybe,” he said and you looked at your interlocked hands. “Maybe I like us as a team and don’t want to lose you. Maybe I like you even as a friend- after all, we’ve been together for so long, haven’t we?”
“Back when we were still a boy and a girl,” you recalled. “What happened to us… San?”
There it was. The unintentional squeeze of his hand. You glanced at him and he met your eyes.
“Do you like it when I call you by your name?”
“Don’t you, y/n?”
Something like butterflies in your stomach as his deep voice sounded made you suck in a breath. “Well then… should I call you San? At least for tonight? Just like the old times?”
“Just like the old times,” he smiled, looking ahead. “How did we get here?”
“We refused to let each other go because we were rivals back then, of sorts… I’d say we still are- but we’re better as a team than rivals, aren’t we?” You said and San agreed. “It would just be even better if you stopped being an ass to me in routine.”
“It’s because I love to see you all riled up,” he said, body shaking with laughter. “It’s so easy to rile you up.”
You yawned big and wide and San waited until you were done. “You with me?”
“I am,” you told him. “Tell me then- do you do it on purpose? Only let me treat your wounds? I’m not your personal nurse, you know.”
“You know my reason,” San muttered. “Otherwise you would have downright refused. You know, don’t you?”
“Because you don’t like to show your scars to anyone… And because I’ve seen every scar on your body since the beginning, haven’t I?”
“You’re the only one who looks without judgement,” he admitted. “You know I wasn’t always the best.”
“Look at you now!” you said dramatically. “The best of the best.”
“We are, as a team,” San pointed out. “You remember how bad we are when partnered with other members.”
“Ah, right,” you giggled and San looked at you in horror. “We don’t really coordinate with others, do we?”
“What is that sound you just produced,” San scoffed. “I wonder what other sounds you make, Major.”
“You want to find out?”
San looked away- how come you both had switched roles now? “Looks like the blood loss is really getting to your head now.”
“It is,” you admitted, sinking down a bit and resting your head on your partner’s shoulder, feeling him freeze for just a moment before he relaxed. “I don’t think I should talk anymore.”
“I’ll keep you awake with pain if I have to,” he promised and you grimaced- you had done the same to him once too. No doubt he would return the favour. “If I see you getting groggy, I’m going to press on the wound, you hear me?”
You almost cried- the pain was already too much, but you knew he was right. “Why are you being like this?”
“I would do this for anyone- I cannot let you die on my watch,” he announced. “Which reminds me- give me your radio.”
“Oh, right. Are you sure I’m not the only one suffering from blood loss?” You said which he ignored, crossing his legs as he started inspecting the radio remains. You lit your watch to provide him with better light and watched him twist wires and cut them with his teeth, attempting to revive it-
For a very small moment, the sound of static came through and you both almost rejoiced until it died down. You asked San to do whatever he just did again and he did but it wasn’t any use now. The radio was dead. 
You both slumped back to your original positions and this time you were the one who found San’s hand and squeezed it in assurance. “It’s okay. You’ll be fine.”
“We’ll be fine,” he sighed. “Stop considering yourself dead already. If you survived that moment when we were surrounded by seven guards earlier, you can survive the night too. Good work there, by the way.”
You grinned. “How did you know what I was planning? I was half worried you’d misunderstand the signal and get us all killed.”
“Oh please, when have I ever made that mistake?”
“Are we forgetting that one time when I was waving at you from a distance and you thought I was saying hi-” you paused when San chuckled.
“You were saying ‘get the hell away’, I know,” he shook his head. “I was just curious why.”
“You keep telling yourself that. The fact is, you made a mistake which got us both grounded for two weeks.”
“Yet here we are,” he scoffed. “Still a team. The best of the best.”
“Are we?” You thought out loud. “When we’re always at death’s door?”
“Well, let’s see,” San took a deep breath. “9 out of 10 missions are successful- that’s a pretty high rating for someone in Special Forces, don’t you think? And even if we’re compromised, we’ve never lost data. Even now, I retrieved the chip from Oscar,” he patted his pocket and you looked proud. “We just have to make it back alive now, so hang in there, alright?”
You were silent for a few moments, focusing on San absently caressing your hand and glancing at you a few times to make sure you were awake. You checked the time- there were still about 3 hours until sunrise.
San grunted in pain and you opened your eyes, realising you had almost dozed off. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” he said but you noticed his eyes twitching. 
“How bad did you hit your head back then, Major Choi San?”
He rolled his eyes but you could tell it had to be something related to his head injury because his other injuries were minor. “I’m fine.”
“Can I see it? Properly?”
“I said I’m fine.”
And that’s how you knew he wasn’t. You shifted, ignoring the pain exploding through your leg as you put your injured leg over the Major’s to get half on top of him and access the other side of his head- the one you had noticed he kept away from your vision. San grabbed your wrists in an attempt to stop you but you glared at him, tski-ing in warning and he gave up, letting you inspect it.
It looked like a normal gash and it had stopped bleeding, so maybe it was a concussion. You sighed. “Are you feeling nauseous? Dizzy?”
“A little,” he admitted.
You pouted, going back to sitting next to him. “Looks like I’ll be the one keeping you awake for the night.”
He laughed to himself and you joined. “You’re making it sound like it's an awful task.”
“It is,” you rubbed your face. “Let’s not fall asleep, Choi San. Your turn to tell me what you would like to do when you go back.”
“Sleep,” he laughed and you poked his thigh. “Okay, I’d like to get a few days off. Should I get you some days off too?”
“What will we even do in our free time?” 
“We could go somewhere,” he looked at you. “Remember Sector 6?”
You didn’t expect him to bring up Sector 6. It was the one time you both almost crossed boundaries with each other- your squad had gotten a few days off and all of you decided to spend those days like ‘normal people’ in the ‘normal’ sector- the one known for its lively atmosphere. The town that never sleeps, it was called. Somehow, you and San strayed away from the rest of the team and had a night you would try to forget for the next few years, the one you were still trying to forget-
It wasn’t even anything much. You two had drank and danced in a club. You two had joked about getting hooked up except you two couldn’t stay away from each other even when you tried. Whenever you looked at someone, San would make some comment about what type of a person they were. You were ashamed to admit you did the same to him too- so you two only danced with each other- 
Only looked at each other. 
Something had changed after that. You couldn’t shake off the ghost of his hands on your waist, on your shoulders, a comfortable weight. You called each other by your names and it almost felt like you two were only civilians, friends who were flirting with each other. At one point, he had hugged you and told you that you were the best thing that happened to him, though you were pretty sure he forgot all about that the next day, since he claimed he remembered nothing- he wasn’t good with his drinks, so you believed him.
Until he brought it up again, now.
“Sector 6?” You scoffed. “Why would you want to go there again?”
“Do I really need a reason to relive that again?”
So cryptic. You tried to make sense of his words but you couldn’t.
“Well, if we live through tonight, might think about it then,” you said, trying not to recall the things you had said to San that night. Things you wished he really had forgotten. 
“Do you think we’ll live to see the sunrise?”
You glanced at San. He looked weary- perhaps, he really did need a break. You rarely ever saw him look weary. You did not like him with such low spirits. You only squeezed his hand and let the silence fall- you were both too tired to continue talking anyway, so you both resorted to tapping out morse code. It was nostalgic to talk that way, though all you were tapping was curses and ‘awake?’, it made you reminisce about your time together as agents. You supposed you would let the memories flash by- after all, you might really not live to see the sunrise. 
The two hours following had to be the longest of your life. Your fingers were tired from tapping to each other, but at least that meant you were alive. You would occasionally drink a sip of water or shake each other. Sometimes you would recall a funny memory and share a brief laugh. But by the end of it, you were both so groggy that you had to press into San’s now ripped stitches to make him wake up, earning a groan that was too loud for your liking. You also made him press on your wound and you cried this time. The pain was nowhere near dull.
You didn’t notice the sky getting lighter until the rays of sun hit your face and you looked at San who was almost dozing off. You shook him.
“Hey. We lived to see the sunrise.”
San opened his eyes, blinking a few times and you watched the sun cast shadows on the sharp angles of his face. His brown eyes looked warm as he smiled.
“We really did live to see the sunrise…”
You smiled, squeezing his hand. All you two had to do now was wait for a signal- there was this new kernel of hope in your heart that you would make it out alive now- even if backup never comes, you two would make it out alive somehow-
“I wish to see the rest of my sunrises with you too.”
You stopped in the middle of shuffling through your bag, not having the strength to meet his eyes- you recognised this tone of his voice so well you knew how he would be looking at you anyway. However, you couldn’t help the smile creeping up on your face and you took out your medical kit, finally having enough light and the newfound energy to do something about San’s wounds at least. 
“That’s… not something you should be saying to me. You do not wish to see the rest of your sunrises with your partner in Special Forces, Major.”
“And if I do?”
You finally looked at him, narrowing your eyes. “I think I should have done something about your wounds earlier. You’re in a worse state than I am, and I am the one who got hit by a goddamn bullet.”
San chuckled, unbuttoning his shirt and letting you take care of his stitches- he knew you were doing it not because it was necessary but because you would have something to focus on. Perhaps you were dizzy for a different reason now, in which case…
“You think I don’t mean it?”
“Major Choi San,” you warned-
“Look at me, y/n,” he called and you sighed deeply, finishing cleaning his wound and then meeting his eyes, your heart sinking at the way he was gazing at you. “You know I don’t lie. You know that. Everything that I say… I mean it. I really, really do wish we’ll be together for a long time.”
“You like working as a team that much?” You tried joking but he shook his head, his hand finding yours and snaking up to caress your wrist. You gulped, finally looking at him and the two of you just stared at each other for a few moments.
“Whatever’s going on in your head… don’t say it. Not now.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t think I’ll be able to make logical decisions right now,” you muttered, taking your hand away from him with immense willpower. 
If you expected San’s spirits to lower, he was smirking too hard for that right now. “So that means there is something, isn’t it? How long are we going to pretend we don’t like each other like that?”
“San-”
You heard the familiar sound of a high pitched frequency and turned towards the source, San getting up immediately and taking a look around, spotting a black flag raised in the air- backup.
“Finally,” you groaned in relief. “Help me up.”
“Finish your thoughts first,” San hovered over you and you rolled your eyes, knowing there was no way out of this.
“God, you’re insufferable,” you laughed, raising your hand and he helped you up, purposely pulling you to him so you bumped into his chest and you smacked it. “I think you’re the most annoying person in my life, but I like you anyway.”
“Perhaps you’re right- must be the blood loss speaking,” he couldn’t believe his ears. Normally, you would have pointed your gun at him and threatened to blow his brains out if he ever said something like that. “Let’s talk about it when we get back. For now… thank you for being alive, y/n.”
“Thank you for coming back for me too, San,” you felt way too emotional all of a sudden. “I really thought something happened to you when I heard the gunshots- I just… thank you.”
The Major brought a hand to your face and caressed it as if it was something he did every other day. He planted a lingering kiss to your forehead and you bit the inside of your cheek to contain the sigh that threatened to leave your mouth. He simply smiled when he met your eyes as he drew back and motioned for you to follow him.
—---------------------
Your team leader allowed you to rest first before he came to check on you both in the evening, looking scarier than ever, especially having caught you both with ‘stupid snacks’ like he used to refer to them, giggling like kids with the rest of your team.
“Major Choi and Major Seo,” he called and your grins fell. Major Yu attempted to hide the lollies but was interrupted by Major Kang, who had tried doing the same which just made them roll dramatically on the floor until they hit the Sergeant’s boot. His frown got deeper especially when Major CJ chuckled out loud and Major Han slapped his arm to shut him up.
“The two of you-” he began, taking a deep breath. “How the hell did you make it back alive this time? I think I'd better like you dead now.”
Major Kang snorted. San cleared his throat. “Major Seo kept me alive!”
“Major Choi kept me alive!” You responded and he groaned.
“I don’t care who kept whom alive- you need to present a full report to me right now. There’s something I need to check. The rest of you- out.”
The team left with a series of grunts and more than one ‘boomer’ thrown at the Sergeant which earned them a threatening (but playful) raise of fist in the air. You began narrating the events, San filling in the gaps occasionally. The Sergeant nodded along until you told him about being cornered by the guards when you found Oscar.
“Did you perhaps recognise any of those guards?”
“They were all wearing masks,” San looked at you and you nodded. “I noticed one of them had a tattoo on his wrist.”
“What kind of a tattoo? Do you think you can recognise it if I show you some pictures?” Sergeant Kim asked and Major Choi said he would try. You continued to narrate the rest of the story and San mentioned the chip he had handed in earlier when they arrived. 
“It’s a shame we lost Oscar, but good job staying alive and completing the mission- both of you,” Sergeant Kim acknowledged and you both relaxed in relief. “There is a reason I send you both in the heart of the operation most of the time- it’s because I trust you both. It’s not that I do not trust the others, but the three of us have worked together for the longest- and we were once a team, after all- back when I was still Major Kim,” he smiled and your heart warmed- the Sergeant wasn’t much older than you both and the three of you had been a trio back in your early days- though you both always called him your captain anyway. It’s like he was meant to lead. 
“I trust you both to complete the mission no matter what, and I trust you both to make it out alive each time- even if it takes days,” he continued. “For a while, I’ve been suspecting there’s a rat around us. I don’t know which squad or who, but the past few days have been a sign enough that we’ve been betrayed- especially since they captured so many of our agents. I want you both to stay alert and wary of everyone- even the ones in your squad,” he sounded disappointed. “I know you trust your squad but you both almost died today, and I cannot help but be worried.”
You watched the Sergeant sigh deeply. “Is there anyone you suspect?”
“Not at the moment, at least not from our squad,” he admitted. “Or maybe it’s because I’m making a mistake of trusting them. Perhaps I’m making a mistake in letting you both know too. Maybe the rat is one of you.”
“Yeah, it could totally be me,” you began, scoffing. “I asked to be shot so I could pretend to die and do what?”
“Or it could be me,” Major Choi chuckled. “I went back to finish Major Seo but ended up using my last shreds of humanity to save her instead. Should have killed her when I had the chance-”
“I’m only saying!” Sergeant Kim laughed this time but you weren’t having it. 
“You know what- maybe he’s the rat,” you looked at the Sergeant and San agreed. “He usually makes it out unscathed. Wonder what that means.”
“You both know there’s a reason why I rank higher than you both,” he scoffed. “With the amount of times you get hurt, I should lower your ranks-”
“Sergeant, we’re just joking. I trust you both. I really do. And I trust my squad too, but I’ll keep my guard up anyway.”
He nodded. “Take some rest, you both. Once you’re back, I have another task for the two of you- until then, I’ll take care of it.”
“What’s it about?” San asked but the Sergeant waved his hand and left. You pursed your lips.
“I knew it wasn’t simply bad luck- there must be someone who reports our activity to Eden.”
“And we can’t even narrow it down since there were four Squads involved in this mission,” San shook his head. “Do you think Sergeant Kim will be sending us on a false mission again?”
“I hope not,” you sighed, glancing at your bandaged leg, thankful the bullet hadn’t done much damage. “I need… a break.”
San laughed at that. “When are you scheduled to get some days off?”
“In two months, I think,” you tried to recall the exact date. 
“That’s too far away. If we can’t have a break right now… we could at least get some drinks together?”
“You can’t even hold your liquor, Major,” you muttered and he glared at you. You shrugged, “I’m not taking care of you if you get drunk again. Last time was enough.”
“What did I do last time?”
“See? You don’t even remember,” you muttered, looking away. Last time, and the time before, and every time San got drunk… he was a mess- especially with you, and you weren’t sure if he realised it yet. “We could just go to town to get dinner. No drinks.”
“Come on, we haven’t let loose in a while-”
“Did someone say drinks?” Major CJ entered and you muttered ‘oh no’.
Because the next night, you heard a knock on your room around 10pm and you opened the door to see Major Han grinning widely.
“How’s your leg healing up?”
“Pretty well, actually,” you told her. “What’s got you so giddy?”
“We’re having drinks in Major CJ’s room,” she winked. “Even Sergeant Kim is there.”
“Oh, you better go then,” you winked back. “I think I’ll stay.”
“Oh no, you won’t,” she grabbed your hand and pulled you, making you squeal. “Sergeant Kim ordered me to bring you there.”
“No way he did,” you muttered. “Let me change?”
“Oh, you look fine,” she said, scanning your black tank top and shorts. “Absolutely ravishing.”
“Let me get a jacket, at least,” you laughed and she finally let go of you with a grin. You grabbed your uniform jacket and followed Major Han to the men’s dorm which was opposite yours, going in the direction of where all the noise was coming from-
It was a mess. Not just your squad- even some from Squad 6 were present. As soon as the Sergeant spotted you, he smirked. 
“Oh no. I’m going back-”
“No, you’re not,” Sergeant Kim got up and you attempted to leave but he grabbed your wrist and everyone else laughed.
“I’m here because I’m keeping an eye out for odd behaviour,” he whispered and you scoffed.
“You’re already almost drunk. I don’t think you can ‘keep an eye out’ for much longer…” you faltered when he glared at you- “... Sergeant.”
“I need you here too- you’re good at detecting odd behaviour,” he dragged you back towards the table and you sat between him and Major Kang. “Just like old times.”
“Just like old times,” you raised the drink he poured you, clicking with the rest on the table, Major San across from you, a flush already creeping up on his neck. “Just how long have you all been drinking?”
“It was going to be just us, but Sergeant Kim decided to join,” Major Kang began. “And then he called Major Yu- they’re boomer drinking buddies so they cannot even drink without each other.”
“I’m not a boomer…” Major Yu drawled. “I am the life of the party.”
You and Major Kang ignored her and you got into a discussion about who was the best drinker in the room- it was definitely Major CJ who Major Kang said had been drinking for an hour now but still looked fresh. You two began ranking the people in the room, occasionally passing a comment, purposely ignoring San’s watchful eyes on you.
“I think the worst has to be San,” you tsk-ed. “Look at him.”
Major Kang raised a brow at the way you addressed him- he had never heard you two call each other by your first names. In fact, all of you always referred to the other formally. 
“I think you must be pretty down on the ranking too if you’re calling him ‘San’,” Major Kang commented and you stared at him in confusion until it sank in. However, you could redeem yourself.
“I don’t think a Major looks like that,” you pointed at the very flushed, almost drowsy and very giggly Choi San and Major Kang almost choked on his drink as he laughed. San seemed to have noticed that and wasn’t having any of it now- he got up and went around the table to push Sergeant Kim away from you so he could sit with you.
“I bet he didn’t ask you to keep an eye out for something odd,” you scoffed. “You can’t even look after yourself right now.”
“I am a fully conscious individual right now,” he began and you shared a grin with Major Kang who was watching you two. “I may look red but I’m crystal clear inside.”
“Yeah? How many fingers do you see?” Major Kang raised three fingers.
“I’m not blind. Two.”
You hadn’t laughed this hard in such a long time that you had to put your head down, feeling dizzy for a moment. Major Kang was laughing just as hard, clapping along and you looked up to see San smiling at you.
“I know it’s three. I just wanted to make you laugh.”
“Ohh,” Major Kang looked between you two. “You can’t tell me something hasn’t changed between you two now, Major Seo.”
“He’s drunk,” you shook your head. “Everything that comes out of his mouth from this point on is nonsense.”
Thus started an argument between the three of you and halfway through it, you shut your eyes and tuned out the men on either side of you now in a heated discussion about something else entirely. You opened your eyes, wanting to rest your folded arms on the table but San was taking all the space. San, and his stupid muscular arms looking spectacular in his stupid white tank top-
Yes. You were definitely tipsy now. 
You definitely were, because for quite a while you simply watched the man crowding your personal space talk. You smiled at his little habits of blinking too many times when he felt dizzy or cracking his neck to shrug off the sleep. You itched to inquire about his healing progress- for all the times you complained about being his personal nurse, you sure were worried now. You licked your suddenly dry lips when he spared you a glance.
“You okay?”
“Move, you’re taking too much space,” you muttered, pushing his arm away with your elbow and he grinned. The Sergeant got San’s attention and you and Major Kang watched the others for the rest of the night-
Until most of the agents left and San was such a drunken mess that you couldn’t take it anymore.
“Will someone please take him to his room? Or just drop him here, I don’t even care,” you mumbled. “Just get him off of me, please.”
Major CJ was cackling. “I’m not touching him. He starts demanding cuddles.”
“Neither am I,” Major Kang was half asleep but not because he was drunk. 
“You both literally share a room, Major,” you glared at him.
“Jongho, do you mind if I crash over tonight?” Major Kang asked.
“Not at all,” he glanced at the Sergeant. “We can throw him on the couch, you can take his bed.”
“Wow,” you tsk-ed at all of them. “Traitors, all of you. Major Han?”
“I can’t even carry myself right now,” she said, almost tripping on her feet. “Why did Major Yu leave me all alone?”
“Probably to avoid this mess,” you muttered. “Major Choi San, wake the hell up, right now.”
“I wasn’t asleep,” he mumbled.
“Then get the hell away from me?” You glared at him in disbelief- he was using your arm on the table as a pillow and it was starting to hurt. “Go to your room and sleep.”
“Help me up then,” he said, not even opening his eyes. You looked up and gathered the last of your willpower to push his head away and pull his arm.
“Take his keys,” Major Kang tossed them in the air and you caught them, flipping a finger at him. He only laughed in dismissal. You asked San to at least cooperate with you a little and that your leg would hurt if you had to carry him, which was when he finally opened his eyes and straightened.
“You shouldn’t suggest drinks ever again,” you told him, hooking your arm in his and helping him walk straight. “Look at you. Such a mess.”
“You don’t look so bad either,” he grinned and you shook your head. He pointed at the room at the end of the hall and you looked around while you walked. 
“Is this your first time coming here?”
“No, but I haven’t ever visited your room since we got posted here,” you told him, unlocking his room and pushing the door open- it was pretty much the same as the other rooms but with beds on either corner of the room since he shared it with Major Kang. 
“There you go,” you tried unhooking your arm but he tucked it in. “I should go now, I’m tired. Let me go.”
“I don’t want to…” he pouted and you dug your nails in his arm until he winced and let your arm go. You laughed in victory, taking a step away.
“You’re supposed to heal me, not hurt me!” He rubbed at the marks your nails left but then stopped, admiring them. “You know what? I think I’ll keep them as a badge of honour anyway.”
“Wow, okay. Want me to give you some more? This time bloody marks, perhaps?”
The way San looked at you in that moment, his eyes slowly filling with mischief and lips curling into a smirk, you finally realised what you had said. This time, you were the one flushing and you turned to leave, muttering a bye but he caught your wrist.
“Maybe I’d like that.”
“You’re very, very drunk right now,” you laughed. “You won’t remember this tomorrow anyway.”
“You think the memories don’t come back to me?” He asked, his tone changing and you stopped struggling. “You think I forgot this exact moment? In Sector 6, when…” he pulled you towards him, making you face him. “When we danced all night long… just like this,” he interlocked his fingers with yours, his other hand finding its way inside your jacket to rest on your hip. “Do you remember?”
You were afraid to ask just how much he remembered. You weren’t sure you could manage to form a question right now anyway, especially with the way he was looking at you. You could feel your walls coming down-
All it took was him bringing your interlocked hands closer to kiss your hand and you felt the years worth of effort melting in an instant. 
He had done the same thing that night, in Sector 6. And you had almost kissed him and told him how much he meant to you. But you had been drunk, and you had managed to keep yourself in control, though you couldn’t stop yourself from saying things you regretted saying ever since.
You were drunk tonight too- though you were pretty sure this was the most awake you had been for a while. San still had his lips on your hand, his eyes glazed as he looked at you.
“We shouldn’t- I was drunk-”
“Then tell me you didn’t mean anything you said back then,” he scoffed. “Tell me you don’t think about us every night before you sleep. And tell me you’re not holding yourself back right now, because Major… I know you. I can see that you’re holding back.”
Indeed, he was familiar with every movement, every shift of your body like they were his own. He could read your eyes and your silence like you could read his. So when you didn’t respond, he dared to take another step and let his hand on your hip snake back so he could pull you closer, closer until you were flush against each other and you-
You couldn’t bear to look at him anymore, not without doing anything you might regret, so you did the next best thing and rested your head on his chest, making him freeze for the slightest moment before he relaxed and let go of your hand only to embrace you in a hug- a hug that made you melt into it and you wondered just how much you had craved this all along.
“Did I tell you how glad I am that you’re alive?” He mumbled, taking a deep breath when your arms finally went around his waist. You nodded, nuzzling the crook of his neck with your nose as a yes. He squeezed you in the hug before drawing back and kissing your forehead just like he had a couple nights ago. You inhaled deeply, wanting to stay in that moment forever. Perhaps he saw that- after all, this was probably the most vulnerable you had looked in front of him. Perhaps he wanted to test the waters- he kissed your cheek next, his hands resting on your shoulders.
“Do you still think I’m not in my senses?”
His words rang in your ears and for a few seconds, you just stared back at him, trying to get your brain to work and scream at you that this wasn’t something you should be doing, especially with someone you worked with. Not like this. Not now. But the silence in your brain was louder. You found yourself inching towards him, eyes fixed on his parted lips that looked like your salvation right now.
“I don’t want you to do something you will regret later-”
You ignored his warning and pulled him towards you, meeting his lips in a kiss. You drew back, finding him more surprised than you had thought- as if he hadn’t practically led you here with his own hands. You kissed his lips again, tasting the sweet tinge of alcohol- a reminder that perhaps, this wasn’t right. But you didn’t care. You’ve had enough of this. So you kissed him yet again, but he remained unmoving. You drew back and frowned in confusion.
“Why won’t you kiss me back, Sannie?”
It was like you calling him by that name undid something in him- he let out a guttural sound before cupping your face and kissing you back like it was the last time he would get to do so- and perhaps, he feared that it was. With your somewhat clouded minds, maybe this was just in the heat of the moment- for you- because he was so sure about himself. He had wanted you for so, so long and now that he finally had you-
You tried to meet the pace of his desperate kisses but it was overwhelming you, so you let him kiss you as he liked for a moment before breaking apart for air. You cupped his face, your heart breaking at the way he looked so unguarded.
“San- I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere- I’m right here.”
 “You’re here… with me.”
“I’m here,” you nodded with a smile, pecking his lips. “I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.”
San understood and then kissed you so gently that the butterflies you got earlier in your stomach felt weak- this was how it should feel, like something in you was becoming undone and you could melt right there, in his arms, and be there forever. You wrapped your arms around his neck to meet his lips better and he held you close to him as if his arms were the only reason you were standing- you realised it was true because your knees were putty. He made you wrap your legs around him and pinned you to the wall, making you sit on his thigh while he kissed you.
The way he kissed… you were absolutely losing it. The sound of his mouth on yours and the little grunts he produced were driving you crazy. The way his hands stayed on your waist, his thumbs hooking on your tank top made you shiver against him and he smiled into the kiss. And his tongue- oh goodness. He was incredible and you were wondering why you hadn’t done this earlier.
This time when you broke apart, he started trailing kisses down your neck and you shut your eyes in pleasure, rocking against his body, and when his lips stayed on one part of your skin unmoving but his hands gripped your hips, you realised he liked what you were doing. He liked you moving against his thigh. He looked up, a shit-eating grin on his face.
“Just how long have you wanted me, Major Seo?”
You raised a brow, annoyed, and smacked his arm, making him chuckle and capture your lips in a kiss again, guiding you towards his bed where he sat you, getting on top of you and you were both grinning and about to kiss again when-
When you both heard the sound of click on the door and couldn’t do anything but watch Major Kang enter, humming to himself, and then looking up- 
And freezing.
For a few moments, it was so silent that you could hear your own heartbeat in your ears.
“Uh… carry on, please, don’t stop on my account,” he finally said, looking mortified. “I’ll just see myself out-”
“Wait-” you called but he only waved and disappeared, making you look at San-
And then you both burst into laughter, unable to tone it down, laughing as loudly as you could until you had tears in your eyes. San wiped his eyes, shaking his head at you.
“You really won’t be laughing like this tomorrow, y/n. I hope you will be, but I know you.”
Your smile slowly fell. You found San’s hand and looked at your interlocked hands for a long time. San didn’t ask what you were thinking- he knew anyways. So when you said you were going back to your room now, he let you- but not before he kissed you again and you responded enthusiastically- you really had no control over yourself tonight, it almost turned into another makeout session but San drew back.
“You should go. But when tomorrow comes… don’t tell me you regret any of this, okay?”
“I won’t. I promise.”
He visibly relaxed. “Goodnight, y/n. I’ll come with you- I have to fetch Major Kang anyway. He might be traumatised.”
You chuckled, saying goodbye and going to your room and finding yourself unable to sleep because you couldn’t help replaying what just happened in your head- smiling like an idiot in love.
Maybe you were.
—--------------------------
“Can you stop looking at me like that?”
“Like what?” Major Kang raised his hands in surrender. “I’m not looking at you.”
You paused in the middle of cleaning your bullet wound to glare at the man in front of you who was also in the middle of changing his own bandages in the medical ward. He stifled a smile but failed, opting to turn his back to you instead.
“Just say it. Say it and get it over with.”
Major Kang sighed deeply. “Look, I’m not interested in what you and Major Choi do when you’re both alone- ” You threw the roll of surgical tape at him which he caught with a glare but he continued, “-I really did not have to see that sight when I came into my room, Major Seo. That’s all I’m saying.”
Years of training did not teach you how to keep the flush from your face. “I didn’t mean to-”
“Yeah, I’ve heard it before. ‘It just happened’- ”
“Shut up,” you groaned. “It really did just happen.”
“Don’t tell me it was your first time,” he scoffed and when he didn’t get a response, he gasped out loud, actually looking concerned for once. “It was your first time?”
“Yes,” you muttered, looking around and glad no one was in the vicinity. “If you’re thinking me and Major Choi are a thing, you’re wrong.”
“So you only made out yesterday because you were drunk?”
Was what you were asking yourself ever since the morning too. It was definitely not because you were drunk- moreover, you promised San that you would not regret this. 
And you did not. You were just confused about a number of things, especially how this would go on now. And you were glad the day was almost over and you still hadn’t come across San because you weren’t sure you could face him right now- you needed to get your thoughts straightened. 
“You’re confused,” Major Kang scanned your face with curiosity. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this confused, and I’ve known you for a very long time now. Something happened when you two were out there until we came to retrieve you, right?”
You sighed deeply, finishing bandaging your leg again and seating yourself on the corner of the bed. “I always thought that Major Choi joked around with me, but you know how he gets around me when he’s drunk, right?” Major Kang nodded and you continued. “I thought he only did that to rile me up or something-”
“He didn’t, but okay, carry on.”
You passed him a side-eye. “We’ve had a few moments in the past two years. Moments when I wondered if Major Choi was going to cross the boundaries of professionalism and do something that might change our dynamic-”
“Can you sound any more cryptic?” Major Kang sighed. “Just say that you like him.”
“I do!” You groaned out loud, burying your face in the bed. 
“Major Choi likes you too- you’ve just been too blind to see it.”
“I know.”
“Then I don’t see the problem?”
“I just…” you got up. “We’re special agents, Major Kang. Do you think it’s a wise decision to make? To be with a member of your team, of all the people in the world? We walk into death’s trap every other day and it’s honestly a miracle that we’re still alive, isn’t it? We’re on borrowed time. I just… I cannot make this more complicated than it already is.”
“Hmm… it makes sense,” Major Kang finished bandaging his own arm and sat next to you. “But that’s the agent in you speaking about all this professionalism and stuff. It’s not like the other agents here don’t have a family. Major Yu is a mother. You think she didn’t think about this before marrying a civilian?”
You bit your lips- it was true. Major Yu was someone you had immense respect for- she was balancing her work and personal life extremely well. As a mother, as someone with a family, she probably risked more than any one of you when going into missions. Major CJ was the only provider in his family too. 
“I think there’s something else you’re scared of… and perhaps, you haven’t figured out what exactly that is yet,” Major Kang smiled knowingly. “I think you just need to go with the flow. If you really think you’re on borrowed time, shouldn’t you be living each moment to the fullest instead of holding yourself back?”
That line stuck with you. 
It stuck with you for the rest of the day, making you wonder just what would be so bad about being with Choi San and what was really stopping you and making you so afraid of the future.
You didn’t try to find Major Choi that day but you knew you couldn’t avoid him forever. You did come across him the next day but it was with everyone else and it was very casual- as if nothing had happened between you two. You were arguing just like usual, met up with Sergeant Kim to get the files and data for your next mission and the three of you planned a strategy for hours until you parted ways for the night. You wondered if he had actually been so drunk that he forgot the events of that night when a knock sounded on your door and you checked the time, wondering if it was one of the girls who needed something-
And blinked twice when you opened the door and found Major Choi in front of you.
“Is something wrong?” You asked, looking around, wondering if something had happened-
“Shouldn’t we talk?”
Oh. Your eyes went wide and you pulled him inside, shutting the door. “You shouldn’t come here so casually.”
“Why? Major CJ comes and goes as he pleases- I’ve never seen anyone feel strange about that.”
“Jongho is everyone’s baby here,” you told him. “He’s like our little brother. We don’t mind him,” you grinned. “However, you coming here is another story-”
“Oh? On a first name basis with Jongho yet the first time you called my name in years is because we thought we wouldn’t live to see the next day?”
You scanned his figure- he was still in his uniform and it looked like he hadn’t gone back to his room at all. He had removed the bandage from his cheekbone so there was a dull graze instead. His hair was no longer combed back but messily falling on his forehead as if he had been running his hands through them.
“If you wanted to be called by your name that bad, you could have just asked,” you said casually, steering towards the small kitchen in your room and offering him a drink. He raised a brow.
“Should we drink again?”
You sighed deeply, resting your figure against the counter and ditching the drinks. “You came to talk.”
“How’s your leg?”
“Oh, it’s fine,” you looked down at your bandaged calf. “How’s your arm?”
“What do I mean to you?”
The room fell silent. The silence was too suffocating. You did not realise how long you simply stared at San until he took a step towards you and you took a step back, watching hurt flash in his eyes.
“Wait, let me just…” you tried saying something to undo that moment, swallowing the anxious wave that spread through you. You took a deep breath and looked at the man-
The man who meant the world to you. The only person who had been in your life for so long and was such a big part of it. How could you ever tell him that with words? 
“Just tell me one thing, y/n,” he insisted, his voice low and so cautious. “Tell me if you regret where we are right now.”
“I don’t,” your response was immediate. “I don’t regret any moment of it.”
“Then what are you so afraid of?”
You looked away and this time you didn’t stop San as he inched closer towards you until he could hold your hands in his. “Tell me what’s holding you back.”
Your heart fluttered at the sight of your linked hands. You weren’t sure you could say anything that would not hurt him at that moment but there were some things you needed to address. “Should we really do this, Major? We’re special agents. We’re a team. You can’t tell me this is a good decision.”
“Do you think I care about that?” He asked. “We’re a team and we will continue to be a team. Nothing will change.”
“That’s a lie, though,” you smiled sadly as you looked at him. “Everything will change. Everything has changed.”
“Not for me,” he brought one hand to tuck your hair behind your ear, studying your eyes and trying to decipher the puzzling look in them. “I have loved you for so long that it’s become a part of me now.”
You shut your eyes, letting that sink in and when he took another step towards you, you didn’t stop him as he kissed your forehead. “I know you feel at least a fraction of what I feel for you. So tell me all your fears, y/n. I’m here.”
“Isn’t it obvious?” You laughed a bit. “I’ve always talked about professionalism, haven’t I? I’ve always talked about how unprofessional it is to have an intimate relationship with someone in this field when you don’t even know if you will live to see the next day. How can I do this and not be afraid, Major?”
“I mean…” he pouted. “You’re right but we’re still alive-”
“Major Choi San-”
“Okay, I’m sorry,” he laughed and you were kind of grateful that he was keeping it light because you weren’t sure what sort of a mess you would become otherwise. “I know what you mean. I feel that as much as you do. But y/n…” he caressed your cheek. “Every mission where we cheat death, I grow more and more afraid of losing you. And then I think about what I will regret if I lose you- not telling you how I feel about you. How much you mean to me.”
“That’s why I’m afraid, San,” you admitted. “I know one day it’s going to happen. I know why I’m here, I know how dangerous it is, and I have seen what happens when you lose someone in this manner. You know that.”
You were referring to your mother. He knew the stories about your family quite well- you told him when you first became friends. “This war is ugly. We’re here to end this and we will die in the process. It is our fate. We’re only going to make it more complicated for us if we do this.”
Major Choi did not like the way you thought about these things- time and time again, you both had been on opposite ends in this argument. He had tried so hard to break your walls and make you see life from an optimistic lens. He wished you could take a peek in his mind.
“I would rather die happy than to live regretting what I could have done for the rest of my life,” San said, making you lock eyes with him. “I would rather have known the taste of your lips, the feel of your skin on my skin than to imagine what it could have been,” he leaned down to whisper in your ears-
“And I would rather have known the sounds you make when I touch you, because god, I cannot get those sounds out of my head.”
Warmth pooled in your stomach at his words and perhaps he was good at triggering you to do things you wouldn’t normally do because you saw the opportunity and took it- you saw his bare neck and snaked your hand up to push the collar of his jacket to the side so you could plant a sweet kiss at the spot you had your eyes on- the spot that had made him squirm that night. This time, he was the one making those sounds and perhaps he was right-
You’d rather die having known all those things. Having known what he felt like, in every way possible.
San’s grip on your waist tightened a bit as you trailed kisses up his neck to his jaw and then caressed the scar on his cheekbone with your thumb. You were dazed in that moment and you did not want to think about anything else except the fact that he was so close to you right now, so close that you could feel the warmth of his body and it felt so welcoming. You buried your face in the crook of his neck, realising it might be your favourite spot. San let you have your moment until he hummed to make sure you were alright.
“What are you thinking, love?”
You sighed. How could you ever get used to him calling you ‘love’? How could you ever get used to being in his arms and feeling so safe? How could you go to the field with him covering you? You would want to shield him from everything. But then…
You have always felt that way. Perhaps he was right. It wouldn’t be so different.
You didn’t respond. You drew back and scanned his face once before locking your gaze on his lips. He got the signal and he immediately planted his lips on yours and you kissed him, feeling every nerve in your body ignite with pleasure. One of his hands went to rest on the back of your neck, his thumb caressing your skin and guiding you as he kissed you better, deeper until you had to draw away and catch your breath.
You melted at the way he couldn’t open his eyes for a few moments. For the shortest moment, you could understand why you were afraid of all the wrong reasons, though that did nothing to soothe your anxiety. It was only San kissing you again that made you forget about all your fears and let yourself get lost in that moment. He picked you up effortlessly and took you to the couch, placing you down ever so gently as he got on top of you. 
“I need you to use your words,” San moved your hair away from your face gently, searching your eyes. “Tell me we’re good.”
“We’re good,” you nodded. “San, please-”
San realised what you meant when he noticed the position you both were in- he was hovering on top of you but his knee was dangerously close to your core. His breath got caught and he looked at you again but before you could take the matters into your own hands, he held your wrists.
“Tell me what you want.”
You groaned, looking away but San wasn’t having any of it. He leaned closer, turning your face to him gently by placing his fingers under your chin and made you lock eyes with him. You watched his lips curl into a smile and he said, “Look at you, Major. You’re all flushed.”
“Shut up,” you laughed, attempting to hide your face but he was grinning, not allowing you to do so. You huffed in defeat, locking eyes with him yet again, trailing one hand up his arm and then down his chest to unbutton his jacket slowly. San watched you while you did that and then his jacket fell open, leaving him with a black tank top underneath. You were about to snake both your hands under when he gripped your wrists again.
“You still haven’t answered me.”
“I want you,” you breathed, propelling yourself forward so you could meet his lips and you pecked them. “I want you, Major. I want to be with you for the rest of my life, however short it may be, even though the rational part of my brain still thinks it’s a bad idea,” you said, letting San fall back on the couch so you were now on top of him with your legs on either side of him. “I don’t know how long I’ve wanted you for, how long I’ve loved you because I know I do, I just… never allowed myself to think about this, so,” you bit your lips, looking at him and finding his gaze overwhelming. His grip on your wrists loosened and you took that chance to place your hands on his collarbones, caressing them. “You mean so much to me. I will always be afraid of losing you. And I don’t know how we’ll figure this out- how I will figure this out since you seem to have the hang of it already, but…” you both laughed at that and you locked eyes with him. “I want you.”
San kissed you, lingering there. “Say that again.”
“I want you,” you breathed, meeting his lips again and opening your mouth as soon as his tongue swiped your lips, your arms going around his neck to hold him closer as you kissed. It wasn’t rushed yet there was a sense of urgency now that you both had bared your hearts to each other. And San wasn’t shy while making out with you at all. His hands were everywhere and soon, he shifted so he was back to being on top of you, which was when he started to trail his lips down your neck.
“Can I take this off?” He asked, fisting your shirt and you nodded, taking off his jacket first. He smirked, taking off your shirt for you and leaving you in a black athletic bra. He shook his head in amusement but went back to trailing kisses down your neck. You shut your eyes and lowered your defences- that was what he was aiming to do. His kisses were gradually releasing all the tension from your shoulders and you wondered how he knew that. His hands travelled up your waist and you opened your eyes, nodding and he wasted no time taking off your bra as well and when you pouted, he laughed, taking off his tank top.
“Now we’re even,” he grinned, looking shamelessly at you and you resisted the urge to fold in on yourself.
“No, we’re not,” you muttered. “And stop looking at me like I’m your last meal.”
San laughed heartily, kissing your lips and you smiled into the kiss. “You’re beautiful. So beautiful. Seo beautiful.”
“Shut up,” you groaned. “That joke is the worst thing I’ve heard.”
“It cracks you up everytime,” he muttered against your mouth, kissing you again and diving down, his hand cupping one of your breasts and playing with it while he kissed and licked and nibbled everywhere he could. You couldn’t breathe and you put a hand over your mouth as if you needed to stifle your sounds but he noticed that and held your hand away.
“Don’t be shy, Major. I need to hear you make all those pretty sounds.”
“God, you’re insufferable-” you began but he went to attack your sweet spot right at that moment, earning a little moan and then he smiled in victory, making you slap his arm. You decided that he had teased you enough and with your legs, you pushed him away to get back on top of him, your chests flush against each other and your arms around his neck, holding his face closer to yours as you kissed him deeply, rolling your hips on his lap and earning a loud groan from him. You grinned in the kiss but this time, it was you who groaned when he grabbed your waist and made you do that again.
“Don’t stop,” he pleaded, kissing you again and you nodded, matching his movements and finding him hard against your core. You weren’t trying to hold back your noises anymore and neither was he, and you were glad at least one of you had a room all to themself so you could do this without any worries. You gave up on kissing at some point and snaked your hands down his chest to the plane of his stomach, tracing his abs, and then down and down-
“Shall we take this to bed?” San suggested, stifling a groan when your hands played with the waistband of his pants. “You’re not shy anymore.”
You shrugged and he got up, making you wrap yourself around him, giggling as he made his way to your bed, dropping you gently. He caressed your injured leg. “We don’t want you to be uncomfortable, do we?”
You hummed, letting him take your trousers off and he got back on top of you, admiring your body and wondering where to start. You poked his stomach with your toes and he laughed, nuzzling your neck with his nose and you took a moment to memorise how that felt, because…
You felt so, so safe. There were no alarms ringing in your head. There were no sounds alerting you except the sound of his breath or his kisses which relaxed you. There was no sense of rush, for all your talk about ‘being short on time’. You wrapped your arms around him and he was quick to detect the sudden shift in your mood but didn’t say anything. He knew you were figuring it out along the way now, and he was elated that you even gave him a chance to prove that it wasn’t as bad as you thought. He settled next to you, bringing you in his arms and you placed a leg on top of him. His hands went to cup your thigh and your breath hitched at the sensation of his hand so near where you wanted him so, so bad. You fiddled closer and he kissed your head, letting his hands caress your inner thigh.
“Are we good?”
“So good,” you almost moaned, kissing his lips again. You wanted- no, needed him at this point. And you were glad he understood you so well, so when his fingers slid inside your panties, you shuddered against him. He caressed your folds, finding you soaked and kissing you eagerly as he slid his fingers up your wet folds, rubbing your clit once and you moaned into the kiss, pushing your hips against his hand to meet his movements better. He continued like that, just teasing you and kissing all your moans away before he finally slid one finger inside you-
“Fuck,” he groaned in your ear. “You feel so good.”
You didn’t respond, shutting your eyes and letting him continue like that for a while until he slid another finger inside you and you groaned loudly.
“Gosh, you’re perfect,” he met your lips in an open mouthed kiss. “Look at you. All needy for me.”
“You look like you’ve done this before,” you bit your lips, stifling a moan. “You’re pretty good at what you’re doing.”
“Am I?” He grinned, pressing his thumb to your clit and making you squirm. “I think it’s just because I know you so well. I know exactly how to get you riled up, Major.”
You rolled your eyes but when he started to stop teasing and start pleasing, you brought him closer, your kisses messy and needier now as he drove you to the edge and he drew back to watch you fall apart on his fingers, shuddering deeply and out of breath. He peppered kisses on your face as you recovered from your high and you finally opened your eyes.
“Shall I return the favour?”
San raised a brow before it hit him and he groaned. “I don’t think I’ll be able to stop if you decide to touch me tonight, Major.”
“I never asked you to stop-”
“Shh,” he scolded, putting a finger on your lips and you took that chance to kiss it, making him laugh in disbelief. “I don’t want to rush anything with you,” he kissed you deeply. “I will have you soon, I promise that. I should let your leg heal first. I know it still hurts.”
You pouted deeply and he settled next to you, holding you in his arms. “Just let me hold you like this tonight, okay?”
“If that’s what you want,” you said, content to be right there. There was no better feeling than this. “I will have my revenge soon, though.”
“Oh? Is that how it is now?” 
“Yes,” you grinned, “I will settle the score soon.”
San shook his head in amusement and you teased each other for a while, occasionally riling the other up until you both fell asleep in each other’s arms.
—----------------------------
You were starting to understand why people always choose love no matter what their circumstances were. You were starting to understand how they found love even in the darkest of times, because…
Choi San was making sure that you would never feel alone or sad again.
A lot had changed since that night. While working, you two were pretty much the same. He would still rile you up with his bad jokes (were they bad if they did make you crack up later?) and you would still threaten to off him each time. It was very casual like before, yet…
He still refused to get his bandages changed by anyone else and invited himself to your room each morning and night so you could play his nurse. In the mornings since you were short on time and had to get to work, you two would joke around or share a light kiss which was routine now- you still marvelled at how it had become something you could call ‘routine’. But at night…
You asked Major Kang later if he was lonely because his roommate was spending most of his nights in your room. He only laughed in response and said he couldn’t care less because Major Choi annoyed him enough in the day so he could make up for it. You tsk-ed at that, having missed the chance to use that card on San so he could stop coming to your room all the time- surely the others must have noticed now as well. But could you really put all the blame on him when you were just as eager to see him at nights as he was?
Perhaps, you were more to blame. He would come in your room with the excuse of you checking on his wounds, and each time you would end up tracing the scars on his body, kissing some of them and that would turn into a makeout session and more, until you were skin on skin. He would return the favour then- trace your scars but each time with a story-
“I wish I had reacted earlier so you wouldn’t have gotten this.”
“I wish I had been there instead of you.”
You knew that the Major had the softest heart since the beginning, but it still amazed you when he looked at you with such hurt in his eyes, as if it physically pained him to see your body littered with scars. You told him it was okay, that these scars were unavoidable and you didn’t think much of them, but he only responded that he found them beautiful- especially the ones you took for him.
“Oh? Can you count all the ones I took for you?” You had asked.
“I can. I bet you can count all the ones I took for you too,” he responded with a smirk. 
He was right. You could. You had his body memorised since the very beginning- you could trace each of his scars with your eyes shut. You told him that and he was pretty pleased to hear that, attacking you with newfound affection and adoration that sometimes you found overwhelming but loved anyway. Overwhelming only because you had pushed him away all these years and-
And because it reminded you of your parents. 
Your parents had been so much in love. Your mother would wait for the weekends when it was time for your father to visit from the army. She would become a different person in his presence and you had loved that about her. You often resented your mother for breaking apart after your father’s sudden death, but now you were starting to understand what she must have felt because you were sure you would be the same. However… 
She did not possess the power to protect her partner. You did.
You were thinking about that when San nuzzled your cheek and broke you out of your trance. “You’re zoning out, love.”
You realised that you were- you had been staring at the documents in your hands for far too long now. You cleared your throat and started arranging them again so you could get back to the page you had been reading before you got lost in your head. San watched you do so and asked, “Is something bothering you?”
“No, I was just thinking about a few things,” you said, remembering where your train of thoughts started when you found the page. “Look- that’s Agent Golf, right? From Squad 6?”
“Major Lee, yes,”  San scanned the page. “From that damned mission two years ago.”
You recalled that very well- the agents here still referred to that incident because everyone thought it had been a mistake to take an injured agent to the field. Sure, you needed manpower at that time and every soldier counted, but… 
You all could still have avoided Major Lee’s death.
“I don’t remember him much, I’m sure you’ve interacted with him more,” you began and San nodded in agreement, “Was he close to his squad members? Like we are?”
“He was one of the older members,” San recalled. “So I’m sure his juniors depended on him a lot.”
“Did they ever find his body? I remember the funeral but I remember they didn’t find a body.”
“I’ll have to ask Sergeant Kim. What are you thinking?”
“I’m just wondering…” you began, your gut feeling making you confused. “I’m wondering if he is still alive.”
“If he was…” San shifted towards you. “I’m sure someone would have gone to retrieve him or he would have found his way back. It’s been two years.”
“Yeah, you’re right,” you shook your head and put the page back inside the folder. “It’s sad. We don’t even know if he had a family.”
“I’m sure his squad members will be taking care of that,” San placed his hand on your shoulder, rubbing it assuringly. “What’s really bothering you, love?”
You passed him a side-eye as you smiled. He knew you too well. “Nothing. I just don’t like the idea of performing a background check on people we are supposed to trust. I don’t like the idea that there is a rat among us.”
San could understand. “I’m more surprised than mad. I don’t know why anyone would choose to do that- when Eden has destroyed our home and families.”
“Right? I’m trying to look into why anyone would do that in the first place. That way we would be able to narrow down our suspects.”
“And is that why you were looking into Major Lee? Do you think he might be alive?”
“I was probably overthinking,” you sighed, cracking your neck. “I’ll look into the rest later. Do you want some tea? Coffee?”
“Coffee, please,” San said and you nodded, kissing his temple and getting up to go to the kitchen. Today had been a long day and you were getting tired of suspecting everyone around you- at least not your squad. They could never do that. 
You were just mixing up different blends of coffee when you felt arms wrap around your waist and you jumped, making San laugh. “I didn’t even hear you!”
“I wasn’t trying to be silent. You’re too lost in your head tonight,” San kissed the top of your head. “Long day?”
“Since I can’t go to the field for a while, Major Yu is making me do all her paperwork while she goes in my place,” you sighed. “I like being in the field better. I can’t sit at the desk all day.”
“I miss you too,” San muttered and you laughed, trying to grab the sugar pot but San just held you closer, resting his head against yours. “I miss being on the field with you. I had to partner up with Major Yu- she couldn’t stop cracking jokes through the radio- I almost got caught because of her twice.”
“I think that’s how she copes,” you giggled. “And you better be careful. I’m done nursing your wounds.”
“Are you?” San backed away only to stare at you. “Because I distinctly recall you kissing all my wounds a couple nights ago-”
You smacked his chest, asking him to back away if he wanted his coffee, but when he swung you around whilst tickling you, you were positive your laugh must have rang throughout the dorms and you put a hand over your mouth when he placed you on the counter.
“Major Choi San, the entire dorm must have heard my laugh-”
San shut you up with a kiss, catching you by surprise. However, you were quick to melt into it, the butterflies in your stomach wild. You wrapped your arms around his neck as he deepened the kiss and when he broke apart, he watched you as you caught your breath, your lashes fluttering while you gazed at his lips- he was driving you insane. 
“You know how much I love it when you laugh, don’t you?”
You sighed internally- the Major was pretty direct with his words and feelings. No beating around the bush- not from him. Sometimes, you appreciated that because he was so clear and straightforward with you, no room left for confusion.
But at times when he said things like these…
San smiled, watching your cheeks get flushed. “You know… I never thought it was that simple to make you blush. With just words. You never blush when we make out or have sex, but…”
“What can I say? I’m not hard to please,” you laughed a bit, burying your face in his neck, still shy from his sudden comment. “Maybe you should have tried that instead of teasing me all this time.”
San hummed in agreement, running his hands down your arms and then snaking them inside your shirt to hold you at your waist. You kissed his neck in response, fisting his shirt and looking up at him. “This needs to go.”
“Oh?” San scoffed. “Not tired anymore, are you?”
“Oh, I still am,” you helped him take off his T-shirt, running your hands across the smooth planes of his chest. “I’m just waiting for you to do something about it.” 
“And? What would you like me to do about it?” San brought his hand up to your face to caress it as he looked at you lovingly, tracing the curves and edges of your face and sliding a thumb across your lips, a faint hint of smirk on his own lips as he slid his thumb inside your mouth. You pretended to bite him, making him grin but then you sucked on it until he looked pleased. He traced it across your lower lip again before kissing you softly.
“Words, love. I need your words.”
“You can do whatever you want to me-”
“That’s pretty vague,” San cocked his head. “I could leave you right here and go back to sleep.”
“Well then,” you huffed. “Why don’t you bend me over and fuck me? Is that what you want to hear?”
“Ah, that’s better,” San started taking off your clothes until you were in your panties only. You watched him take in the sight- he always did that. His eyes would travel everywhere along your body as he ran his rough palms across them, and then he would start kissing your neck, peppering kisses anywhere he liked until you were squirmy and needy for him. It was as if he aimed to please you and you alone- he wouldn’t let you have your way until he was done with you.
You clenched your thighs as he stopped sucking on the crook of your neck and he noticed, raising a brow. “Already needy for me?”
“Do something about it,” you said through gritted teeth and he let his hands run down your sides until he hooked his thumbs in the waistband of your panties. You spread your legs for him, your core throbbing painfully now- and perhaps, he could see it on how you furrowed your brows. San rubbed at your clothed clit and you moaned loudly-
And that was his undoing. He dragged you closer and slid his fingers under your panties, sliding them along your wet folds and sliding his tongue in your mouth simultaneously, making you grip his shoulders as he kissed you. You lifted yourself up so he could take off your panties and he did, bending down to slide them off your legs and gripping your thighs afterwards, spreading them to see the mess he had made-
“In just a few minutes… you really want me that bad?” He commented and you groaned.
“Fuck you.”
“Oh, you will,” he promised, trailing kisses up your thighs and keeping them apart before his lips reached dangerously close to your core. He looked up at you once, settling on his knees before licking up a stripe and you cursed loudly, one hand supporting you up while the other automatically went to grip San’s hair-
Oh, how he loved that. He licked up again before his tongue dived inside you and his thumb started rubbing slow, slow and steady circles on your clit. It was too much and at the same time, it was not enough- you wanted him impossibly closer to you. He was driven by your moans and he was so good at what he was doing. You tried clenching your thighs but he wouldn’t let you. You moaned shamelessly when his nose rubbed against your clit as he shifted his position and at this point, he was practically making out with your clit. 
“San, please,” you begged. “I’m so close.”
He only hummed, inserting a finger inside you- he had done this enough times now to know exactly what drove you to the edge. The combination of his finger inside you, his nose rubbing against your clit and his tongue lapping your juices while he hummed against you drove you to your high and you tugged at his hair as you broke apart, clenching your thighs against his face but he did not stop- he continued with his ministrations until you were spent and you recovered from your orgasm. When he finally looked up at you, he grinned and you chuckled to yourself, running your hands through his hair. He got up and wiped his mouth with his hand.
“You’re delicious.”
“Shut up,” you smacked his chest but he shook his head, capturing your lips in an open mouthed kiss and diving his tongue inside so you could taste yourself on him and the way he kissed you, gripping your neck and hips and scooting you closer so you spread your legs and met his hard bulge made warmth pool in your stomach again for what was in store next.
“I’m nowhere near done, as you can already tell,” he muttered, tucking your hair back before taking out a condom from his pocket and shrugging down his trousers and boxers, his hard length swollen and ready to take you. You licked your lips at the sight and he noticed that, shaking his head in amusement as he pumped himself a few times before wrapping the condom around his length.
“Fuck me, San.”
“What?” 
“Fuck me, Major Choi San,” you said, not a shred of exhaustion in you as you wrapped your legs around his waist and brought him closer, his length wedged between the two of you. “I want you to fuck me right here, hard.”
San growled in your ear, biting your earlobe in response and positioning his cock to meet your wet folds, rubbing it against them a few times before sliding it inside you and you helped position yourself better, letting out a deep breath once he was fully wedged inside you-
And then he pumped himself in you- hard. 
Your eyes rolled back in pleasure and he started pumping his length in and out of you, kissing you anywhere his mouth could meet in between, your hands running across his back, chest, waist, and gripping at his hips. 
“Harder, San. Harder,” you begged. “I don’t want you to be soft this time.”
“Babe, do you want me to break you?” San asked, slowing down.
“Yes,” you breathed, kissing his lips. “Break me.”
San groaned, placing his hand on your neck and pushing you back until you were flat on the counter and you decided you liked this position better already, until-
Until he placed your legs on his shoulders and started pumping into you and your moans got uncontrollably loud, his length hitting you so deep in places you hadn’t discovered earlier.
“You like this, huh?” San groaned. “Want me to use you like a ragdoll?”
You only moaned in response, already close even though he seemed nowhere near done and you wondered if you really should have asked for this- though the pleasure now was nothing like what you had before. He took your hand and placed it on your stomach, pressing it so you could feel him pumping in and out of you, while his other hand remained on your neck, occasionally squeezing it lightly making your walls clench around him uncontrollably. 
“So tight for me,” San grunted, “Always so tight for me.”
“I’m so close-”
As soon as you said that, San squeezed the sides of your neck and pumped deeply into you, making you break apart with a loud moan, the orgasm heightened thanks to his hand on your neck. He continued for a few moments until he, too, groaned loudly and reached his orgasm, shaking as his body rested on top of you. 
You both stayed like that for a few moments with you caressing his head. When he recovered, he started peppering soft kisses all over your face, making you giggle. He drew back to lock eyes with you, and before he could say anything-
“I love you so much.”
His eyes went a little wide at the sudden confession. He smiled, pecking your lips. “I love you too. I’m glad you finally caved in, y/n. I’m glad you’re mine.”
“Hmm, you might need to be a little more convincing…”
San raised a brow, laughing loudly at your suggestion. He snatched a few tissues from the table and started cleaning your thighs.
“Next time you say that you’re tired,” he began. “I’ll understand that you just mean you want to be fucked-”
“San!” You laughed, getting up from the counter and down on the floor, your legs wobbly and you instinctively held on to him.
“You were saying?”
You glared at the man, smacking his chest as you muttered you were going to the shower. He shook his head, deciding to follow you there too.
—----------------------------
“Route 2 is clear, Team 1 please proceed forward,” you said into the radio, switching your position to the other window, making sure Team 1’s exit point was also clear. You heard a ‘copy that’ confirmation and zoomed in on the exit. 
“All clear on the West Exit. Team 2, please report your status?”
“We’re ready,” Major Choi’s voice sounded.
“Copy that. Proceed to the West Exit from Route 4. Team 3, I need confirmation for data retrieval?”
“Data retrieved,” Major Han responded. 
You moved to the other end of the room, signalling Major Yeom to keep watch on the West Exit while you checked Team 3’s route. After confirming a clear path, you called in the radio, “Team 3 towards North Exit- avoid Route 3. I spot movement.”
“Copy that,” Major Han confirmed and you watched for any signs of movement. All seemed clear and you allowed your shoulders to relax a bit, taking a deep breath. You switched positions with Major Yeom again, asking if everything seemed okay and he reported that it did.
“Team 1 has exited,” Sergeant Kim called. 
“Copy that,” you finally spotted Team 2 not far behind, Major Choi and Major Yu walking stealthily towards the gate, the enemy guard having disappeared to switch rotations. You watched them exit and exhaled another breath of relief.
“I’m spotting movement on the North Exit,” Major Yeom called and you waited until Team 2 was safely outside and signalled their exit before joining Major Yeom across the room. You zoomed in with your binoculars and indeed, three guards seemed to have appeared out of nowhere. You frowned, “Where did they come from?”
“I spotted them around that building,” Major Yeom pointed, turning on his radio and you nodded. He called, “Team 3, please halt. Proceed to find shelter- movement spotted near the North Exit at your 10 o’clock.”
“Copy that,” Major CJ answered. Major Yeom alerted the Squad 6 members waiting for Team 3 at the North Exit and you dared to ask him something.
“How has your squad been holding up after Agent Oscar?”
Major Yeom slowly brought the binoculars down, glancing at you for a moment. “Uh… we’re holding up okay, for the most part. It’s not the first time this happened after all.”
You felt a sharp sting at his words but you knew what he meant. He was probably talking about the past members such as Major Lee and the others. “I know. Somehow… you get used to being okay. You just have to be.”
“Yeah…” Major Yeom switched his binoculars. “You… you saved Agent Bravo, right?”
“Agent Oscar too,” you pointed out, sparing him a glance. “Before the enemy fired and we lost Oscar. He wasn’t in the best state anyway- I think he lost his leg.”
“What do you mean?”
“What do you think they do to you when they capture you, Major?” You asked, not waiting for his response as you guided Team 3 to switch buildings. “Agent Oscar was unfortunate enough to be questioned by the enemy. They were getting answers out of him when we arrived- Major Choi and I.”
“I… I did not know that,” Major Yeom sighed. 
“Team 3?” You called into the radio. “I think you have a tail.”
“Shall we split?” Major CJ asked.
“No, it’s better to stick together,” you answered, asking Major Yeom to guide Team 3 to the North Exit or steer them towards the West Exit while you went to the other corner of the room and took out the radio meant for you and the Sergeant only.
“Sergeant?”
“I’m here,” Sergeant Kim sounded grim already. “Team 3 has a tail?”
“You’re thinking what I’m thinking?” You asked, making sure to keep your voice low.
“I’m going to inspect everyone who’s back. I don’t care anymore,” Sergeant Kim began but you bit your lips in thought.
“Wait- not yet,” you told him. “It would make it too obvious. Let’s wait until we get back and we’ll see what we have to do.”
Sergeant Kim did not respond for a few seconds but then he gave you an okay and you went back to join Major Yeom. The Team was being guided to the North Exit now and you resorted to watching Major Yeom plan out a new route. You occasionally quipped in and it took another half an hour for Team 3 to make a safe exit at north and you finally sat down and drank water.
“Good job, Major,” you said and he passed a smile, nodding. “I’m wondering why they were being tailed. Nobody spotted them during the mission.”
“Maybe they watched and decided to confront them later,” Major Yeom shrugged and you agreed, though you highly doubted that. You both packed your gear and started to exit out of the building, going inside the basement and walking in silence along the path that connected to a building right outside the West Exit. Bumping fists with the Major after making it through, you walked to your car where Sergeant Kim awaited, looking-
“Very grumpy. You’re making it too obvious.”
“I can’t help it,” he said. “There is a rat in our base who knew we were going to be here today. Who knew exactly what our plan was.”
“Let’s talk about it when we get back,” you whispered, patting his arm and going to Major Choi who was waving at you, looking rather cheerful.
“What’s got you in a good mood today?”
“Ask her,” San pointed at Major Yu who was in a heated discussion with Major Kang. You stood next to San, listening to their discussion and smacking San’s thigh when he tried holding your hand. 
“-so I asked my husband if he could really get me some tickets to the festival. And he’s such a sweetheart- it was tough but he managed to get exactly 7 tickets for the 7 of us!” Major Yu grinned. “So we’re scheduling our vacation next month and all going to Sector 6. I don’t care if you have to go see your families or friends- you all are coming with me to Sector 6 first before you go home.”
Major Kang got up and saluted her dramatically, making everyone laugh. You looked at San who already had a shit-eating grin on his face. You leaned closer, “I know what’s going on in your head right now. Cleanse your brain.”
“Not a chance,” he blew a kiss and you swatted it, making a face, Major Kang noticing and pretending to throw up. Sergeant Kim ordered everyone to get inside the car and you began your way back to the base. During the ride, you kept replaying the events of this mission in your head, wondering how the enemy knew exactly where Team 3 was. There had to be someone who told the enemy about the mission and you felt nauseous at the thought that it could be someone you knew.
You met up with Major CJ and Major Han when you got back to the base and found them just as confused as you. Sergeant Kim was wise enough to not let the confusion spread any further, calling them in his office for individual reports. Meanwhile, San and you casually moved to a corner and he asked you what was up.
“Our mission almost got compromised today, San,” you admitted and he frowned. “Team 3 got a tail right when they were about to exit- we had to reroute them. Someone knew Team 3’s exact location, our routes, our exit points. We’ve been compromised, San. And I’m wondering how long this has been going- if we really could have saved more people had we found out earlier.”
San pursed his lips in thought. “Does Sergeant Kim know?” 
“Yeah, he caught on just as I did,” you nodded. “We need to do something about this before they retaliate, the enemy. Because if they’ve been gathering information so far… I think they’ll strike soon, and it’s making me so worried-”
“Shh, it’s okay,” San came forward and wrapped you in a hug, not caring if anyone saw. You didn’t care either, simply relaxing in his arms. “We’ll figure it out together, okay? I think today’s mission might have narrowed our suspect list- this mission was supposed to be known only to a selected few.”
“I hope so,” you drew back. 
“Let’s go eat dinner before Sergeant Kim calls for us,” San suggested and you agreed, not really talking much and San let you sort your thoughts out while you ate. It was the Sergeant himself who found you both in the dining hall and the three of you decided to go to your room.
Sergeant Kim looked around a bit before settling on the couch beside San who had already made himself home on the other end. Sergeant Kim narrowed his eyes at him, “You look too comfortable here.”
“Ah, it must be your first time here, huh?” San scoffed. “Welcome to Mr. and Mrs. Choi’s residence-”
“What did you gather from Team 3’s report?” You interrupted, having brought the documents Sergeant Kim had handed you a few days earlier and joining the two, dragging a chair to sit across them. 
“Nothing much,” the Sergeant replied and you noticed San sulking at the way the two of you had ignored him completely. You shrugged at him as if to say ‘did you expect anything else?’. “They are pretty sure no one spotted them during the mission. Did you see anything suspicious while you kept watch?”
“Nothing until Team 3’s exit,” you told him. “The guards started moving towards where they were all of a sudden as if they knew. Major Yeom guided the team out for the most part.”
“Okay, so here’s the thing,” Sergeant Kim started spreading the pages on the table while he continued. “I don’t think there’s a pattern yet, but I think it’s safe to say that if there’s a rat and they’ve been watching our movements, they’re done simply watching. They’re retaliating. And we know that because in the past 4 months, our success rate has significantly dropped- and I’m not talking about the book definition of success.”
“You’re talking about the agents we’ve lost,” San said.
“That’s right,” the Sergeant nodded. “What do you think?”
You took a deep breath. “With both these missions, we were compromised on one of the routes known only within the base, right? With Squad 7 guiding us back at the base, and the rest of us in the field. Can we narrow it down somehow?”
“I have a feeling today didn’t go like they expected,” Sergeant Kim admitted. “If they tailed Team 3, they must have tried to accomplish something, right? What did they get accomplished though? Nothing. I think today is the first time they failed. In which case…”
“In which case they might retaliate,” you completed and he nodded, grim. “What changed today?”
“We can omit Squad 5 from the list of suspects, I think,” he answered. “That leaves us with our squad and Squad 6. I don’t think we should suspect Squad 7- if there’s a rat in there, they would find out themselves. It’s not like they were guiding us today either.”
“I really don’t think it’s someone from our squad,” San quipped in and you agreed.
“Squad 6, huh?” Sergeant Kim looked at the pages spread across the table- information of the current and former members of the squad. He picked Major Yeom’s page to get a closer look. “Did he know you were joining him today? At the station?”
“It was a last minute thing for me too, no one did,” you told him. “Do you think Major Yeom could be the rat?”
“Even if he is… who is he reporting to? Is it someone in the base or someone outside?” Sergeant Kim sighed. “And can we really suspect Major Yeom? What about the others? One of them made a pretty stupid mistake in our previous mission, if I recall.”
“Plus, Major Yeom is the one who eventually guided Team 3 safely outside,” you glanced at San. “You’re friends with a few from Squad 6, right? Anyone exhibiting strange behaviour after our previous mission?”
“Not really, no,” San shook his head, leaning forward. “I don’t think us sitting and drawing conclusions like this will yield any results. We need to conduct a proper investigation into this before something worse happens. We should alert the Lieutenant.”
“I would have alerted him already had I secured some solid evidence. There’s no pattern yet and we’re trusting our guts. As much as I trust my gut and you both, I can’t simply go with that to the Lieutenant,” Sergeant Kim sighed loudly before slumping back and you made a face. 
“We have to follow protocol, huh?” San sighed too.
“The protocol sucks,” you groaned. “I’ll conduct my own investigation. Major Yeom did not know what state Agent Oscar had been in when we retrieved him- before we lost him. Why was he not aware? Do the rest know?”
“My job was to convey information to Sergeant Park,” Sergeant Kim raised a brow as he thought. “I don’t think he did that on purpose though.
“Ah. I forgot Sergeant Park is literally your best friend-”
“No, that’s not it,” Sergeant Kim laughed. “He must have told them that Oscar was held hostage and questioned before you retrieved him. Maybe he didn’t go into the details.”
“Maybe Major Yeom lied,” San pouted. “I trust Sergeant Park for some reason.”
“You trust everyone,” you retorted and San sulked further, sinking down into the couch. “Come on, Sergeant, we need to make a decision.”
“Let’s start with Squad 6- I’ll talk with Sergeant Park,” he decided. “He must be suspicious too with how things have been recently. But you two… try not to make it too obvious, okay?”
You and San burst into a chorus of ‘as if’ and ‘you’re the most obvious one’ and Sergeant Kim decided to see himself out. You started gathering the documents, glancing once more at Major Yeom’s file. San gave your shoulder a comforting squeeze and you decided to trust your captain, relaxing into San’s touch.
—-------------------------
The sound of the alarm ringing loudly enough to wake the dead up had to be the most horrible sound you had ever heard in your life.
It had only played once before and it was a memory you wished you would forget- even now, for a few moments, you remained in your bed blinking and wondering if you were dreaming. It wasn’t until you heard the radio announcement that you got up abruptly and moved to grab your bulletproof vest and jacket, grabbing every weapon you had in your room, because-
The base was under attack.
It had only been a mere two days since your last mission, since Sergeant Kim and Park started investigating their squad members in secret. You wondered if it was somehow linked to their investigation- it had to be. As soon as you were prepared, you went outside, greeted by the rush of soldiers donning their jackets or loading their weapons. Amidst all the chaos, you spotted San and rushed towards him, holding his hand and squeezing it.
“Oh, you’re here,” he gave you a brief hug. “You’re thinking what I’m thinking?”
“Yeah, we need to find Sergeant Kim or Sergeant Park,” you said and he nodded, looking around once and dragging you into a corner. 
“Listen- I just asked and it’s not looking good. The enemy chose a direct attack this time and the Left Wing is compromised already. How’s your leg?”
“It’s good, San, don’t worry,” you assured him, and it was the truth. “There was a reason I joined the previous mission. You don’t need to worry about me.”
“I can’t help it,” he smiled, kissing your forehead. “Let’s go then. We have no time to waste.”
You nodded and the two of you started asking around for Sergeant Kim, knowing he wouldn’t be in his office but out fighting. Major Han spotted you both and dragged you to the weapons room-
“I’ve been charged with making sure you gear up like proper soldiers, and for exactly this reason,” she shook her head at the lack of helmet and equipment. “Sergeant Kim has put me in charge of leading our squad in his absence, so turn on your radios and follow me. The rest are waiting with him.”
You and San stifled your scoffs and wore the helmets, Major Han slapping you both on the neck and checking your gear, inquiring about your leg. She sighed, “We’ve already reported three casualties on the Left Wing. We will be in charge of driving them out, understood? Follow me.”
Your blood boiled at the number and you gripped your sniper as you made way to the Right Wing- the exit that your squad frequently used. As you reached closer, the sound of gunshots and soldiers shouting got louder. You spotted your members and Squad 6 ready and waiting, the Sergeants in a corner talking in hushed voices. As soon as Sergeant Kim spotted you both, he signalled and you both joined him.
“We’re waiting for orders from the Lieutenant before we go to help at the Left Wing- but I’m going to task you both for another mission. Sergeant Park?”
Sergeant Park nodded. “Major Yeom is missing. We have high suspicions to believe that he is the one who has been updating the enemy. He must have left earlier to either join them or hide. I need you both to find him and bring him back alive, is that understood?”
“Yes, Sergeant!” you both nodded. 
“I’m not entrusting my squad because of obvious reasons and sympathy factor, but Sergeant Kim here says you both are perfect for the job. Prove it.”
“And please stay safe, both of you,” Sergeant Kim huffed. “Don’t give me another heart attack. My lifespan has already decreased a good amount thanks to the two of you.”
San stifled a grin and you asked, “Do you have any suspects for who exactly Major Yeom might be providing information too? Or did you ever find out information on the man with the tattoo?” You recalled the man you had encountered while saving Agent Oscar.
“We believe it might be a group within the enemy, one specified to be spies,” Sergeant Kim said. “We haven’t seen it before, so we can’t say much. It’s only speculation.”
“Understood. We’ll take our leave then,” you said and the Sergeants nodded, making sure you had enough weapons before instructing you to find Squad 4 in the control room and start from there. You stayed on your toes the entire time, scanning everyone who crossed your path, looking for signs of anything suspicious because if Major Yeom had defected…
There could very well be others. 
You reached the control room and the Sergeant let you in, already having heard from Sergeant Kim and Park. He guided you both to the CCTVs and you got a good look at what was going on- the soldiers were still fighting against the enemy at the Left Wing and the enemy was trying to push its way inside or circle around to the Right Wing. It looked ugly. San went to monitor what was happening inside and for a while you both stood observing the base until San spotted a few of the enemy soldiers squeezing their way inside. The Sergeant immediately alerted Squad 5 to take care of it and you both decided to check the unmonitored rooms for Major Yeom. 
“Shall we check the basement first? Or keep it for the end?” You asked.
“The basement can be accessed from outside too, right?” San asked, pausing to think. “Shall we look at the dorms first? Divide and conquer?”
“Sure,” you nodded, getting anxious. You were short on time- you needed to join your squad back at the Right Wing too. “Check the dorms first, meet outside. And then the offices, the weapon rooms, and let’s go to the basement together after?”
“Sure. you take the offices, I’ll take the weapon rooms,” San said and you both agreed, splitting immediately after connecting your radios.
About an hour passed by as you checked each level, meeting by the staircase with a confirmation of ‘all clear’. You found nothing and San informed Sergeant Kim about going to check the basement. Sergeant Kim told him to make it quick and meet him at the Right Wing. 
As the two of you descended into the eerie silence of the basement, a part of you wondered if this search was just a waste of time- why would Major Yeom be in the basement? He could have exited amidst this chaos at any time- or done whatever he needed to. The basement only contained storage rooms with the archives and some exit routes- but exit routes were more easily accessible on the ground level, so why would the enemy be there?
“You take the right side, I’ll take the left,” San said when you reached down. You nodded and patted his arm before parting ways, aiming your gun as you started checking the rooms- empty, empty, yet another empty room-
And then the sound of footsteps that did not belong to San.
You hid behind a shelf, trying to calculate the distance- it seemed like the person was going further away from you. You dared to take a peak and frowned at the sight of someone in the same uniform as yours, walking at high alert with their gun aimed and ready-
It was Squad 6’s badge. It had to be Major Yeom.
You started following him silently, not even daring to breathe any louder than necessary, and when the Major went inside one of the rooms, you quickened your pace and took a look inside that room-
He was alone and it looked like he was looking for something. He was searching through the files- for what?
You took a deep breath and entered the room with your gun pointed at the Major. “Hands up, drop your weapons, now.”
The Major froze, glancing at you once, not daring to turn. “Major Seo. I can explain-”
“Drop your weapons, now,” you seethed, stepping closer as he dropped his gun to the ground, the metal meeting the floor with a clang. You buried the muzzle of your gun in his back before ordering him to exit the room. The Major knew better than to disobey you and took slow and steady footsteps as per your instructions until you had him pinned to the wall so you could signal San.
“Charlie, I’ve got the mole,” you said into the radio, waiting for a response but when 10 seconds passed and you got none, you grabbed the Major’s collar and started steering him to the direction San had gone into earlier.
“Charlie? I need a response,” you called, panic starting to bubble in your heart. “Charlie, this is Echo, can you hear me?”
You wondered if his silence was because he found something or was in a situation where he needed to be silent- you simply prayed it was only that. However, having scoured the basement and finding no signs of San, you slammed the Major against the wall and dug your gun in his back. “Who was with you here?”
“No one-”
“Choose your answer carefully, I will not hesitate to shoot you down,” you warned and the Major scoffed. 
“I bet Sergeant Park wants me back alive.”
“He never said anything about you being unharmed, though,” you started dragging your gun down his thigh and Major Yeom groaned.
“Fine, there is someone. You should check the exit.”
“Take the lead,” you gave him space to walk, still holding him by his collar as he led you to the room at the other end of the basement- a storage room with one of its bookshelves now pushed away from the wall, behind which a door was slightly ajar.
“What were you trying to find in the archives?” You asked, nudging him to go ahead inside the passage. 
“I don’t know-”
“Like hell you don’t,” you entered the path, the smell of damp mud hitting you right away and you turned on the light on your helmet.
“I was only instructed to retrieve a specific document, which wasn’t even present there,” Major Yeom clicked his tongue in disappointment. “Look, I’ve got nothing against you- I know you’re following orders. But you really shouldn’t go to the end of this path.”
You didn’t stop walking. “I need to find Major Choi.”
“If he’s got Major Choi, you can forget about him-”
That was your last straw- you slammed the Major into the wall and dug your arm into his neck, your hand almost shaking as you pointed the gun at his temple. “Who?”
Major Yeom tried retaliating but you were quicker and you kicked his ankle harshly, effectively making him drop to his knees as you pointed your gun at his head. “I’ve had enough- your colleagues are dying out there fighting the enemy, Major Yeom. Just what have you gotten yourself into?”
“Are you sure they’re the enemy? Eden? We haven’t been saints either,” he scoffed, spitting on the ground. “You talk about principles and morals but where were your morals when you abandoned your colleagues when some mission went wrong, huh?”
Your heart sank. “If this is about Oscar, I did not abandon him-”
“Not him,” he shook his head. “The others. You and Major Choi… you go back for each other, disobeying every protocol and you get an applause. Why did no one go back for Major Lee?”
You frowned. “I’m pretty sure Sergeant Park eventually went back for him. As for Major Choi and I… you don’t know anything.”
“Sergeant Park never went back for him- or if he did, he didn’t try hard enough. Do you have any idea what they did to Major Lee?”
“Major Lee is dead,” you almost cried. “Forget about the past- why are you doing this now, huh? Who’s ordering you?”
“He’s not dead-”
“Stand back and drop your weapons, now.”
You froze- how did you not hear someone coming when even your hushed voices were echoing? Was the person already present and listening to your conversation? With the feeling of dread clouding your mind, you took a step back from Major Yeom and glanced up-
To see a masked man holding San at gunpoint.
And fortunately enough, Major Yeom took your stepping back as a sign to stand up and you did the first thing you thought sensible- mirror that masked man and hold Major Yeom at gunpoint. Major Yeom groaned as the muzzle of your gun buried painfully in his temple but you ignored it and glared at the man, trying not to meet eyes with San.
“So you’re the one who’s been ordering Major Yeom around, huh?” You asked. “Let go of Major Choi and I’ll let go of your man.”
The man’s deep laugh echoed through the passage. “Not that simple. You will obey every order I give you or else your Major Choi won’t live to see the sunrise.”
Something shattered in you at that moment as you recalled San’s words- “I wish to see the rest of my sunrises with you”. You finally dared to look at San, now rid of his helmet with a few bruises across his face. He shook his head subtly as if to say ‘do what you’re being told’ but you remained frozen in your spot.
“Take off your helmet. Let me see who you are,” the man ordered. You kept ahold of Major Yeom and removed your helmet, your jaw clenched painfully. You aimed the gun back at the Major and the man shook his head. 
“Drop your weapon and step away from him, Major Seo.”
Once again, you were surprised- just who was he? He must have seen the confusion on your face and he finally removed his mask-
It was Major Lee.
“Why?” was all you could ask. Major Lee only shook his head.
“You will not understand how it is like to be abandoned by your own people. And for what? For nothing,” he tsk-ed. “Do you remember that mission, Major? Do you remember how we marched into the enemy territory because we were going to retrieve stolen data? There was no stolen data,-”
“Major Lee, please listen to me,” you pleaded. “We’re soldiers. We obey orders. It is not our duty to question it- we’re only given orders. We don’t even know what we retrieve, you may be right, but… if you have a problem with it, you should take it to the Headquarters or I don’t know… the General, the higher-ups, anyone but us. So please let go of Major Choi, at least. Your fight is not with us.”
“You will let go of Major Yeom and step back,” his voice was cold and you shut your eyes in defeat. “And then I will decide what to do with Major Choi.”
“Major Lee-”
“Now!” He hit San with the grip of his gun on his forehead, instantly making you drop your gun with an ‘okay, okay!’ and you took a few steps back until Major Lee grunted in approval. “Kneel and face backwards.”
“Please let go of Major Choi-”
“Don’t make me do something you will regret,” he warned. “I will let go of him, but not right now. Kneel and face backwards- and you will count 100 seconds before you take one step. If I hear you, he dies, understood?”
You nodded through tears, looking at San once who only passed you a reassuring smile. You did as you were told and counted 1, hearing the footsteps fade and by the time you counted to 100, you had stopped sobbing and instead, anger- hot, boiling hot anger clouded all sense of rationality. You stood up and grabbed your gun and began running towards where they had taken Major Choi, praying he was okay all the while. But you reached the end of the passage which exited near the Right Wing and found no signs of Major Yeom and Major Lee. 
No signs of Choi San.
You took a deep breath, surveying the area- you could hear the sounds of a fight to your left so you reckoned Major Lee must have avoided that and gone in the opposite direction. You started marching to your right, taking out the radio that connected you to Sergeant Kim.
“Alpha, this is Echo, please respond. Alpha?”
You continued treading along the building for a few seconds which was when your radio sounded. “Alpha responding.”
“The mole and the rat have escaped with Charlie. I am going to retrieve Charlie. Awaiting no further orders.”
“Echo, halt where you are. I will join you-”
“I do not have the time, Sergeant,” you seethed into the radio, ditching all formalities. “They took him, okay? Major Lee took him and he feels betrayed by all of us. I don’t know what he will do to him, I need to save him.”
There was a few seconds of silence and you spotted movement towards the gate- two or three figures. It had to be them. You started running towards them, hearing the sound of a jeep in the distance and you ran faster, trying to make it in time but you would never make it- you took off the sniper from your shoulder and started shooting towards the men getting in the car but it was no use- you were too far away. The jeep took off, leaving you all alone in the middle of the abandoned post and you fell to your knees, trying to control your unsteady breathing and shake off the ringing in your ears realising later that Sergeant Kim was repeatedly calling your name into the radio.
“They got away,” you breathed, unable to control your sobs this time. “They’ve taken him.”
“Where are you?”
“The abandoned post,” you looked around. “I need to go-”
“Stay where you are,” he ordered. “I’m coming to get you. The fight is almost over anyway.”
You buried your head in your arms as you knelt on the ground, your mind already hyperfunctioning as it planned all possible routes they could have taken, all possible spots they could be going to. All you knew was you would have to go to Eden all alone and retrieve him at all costs. But you couldn’t help the fear and the dread, because something like this had never happened- not to him, at least. You had been taken by force once and San had disobeyed all orders and marched into the enemy territory to retrieve you-
And you would do the same for him. 
You did not realise how long you spent kneeling and planning through the utter pain of processing just what happened and the fear for San’s life when you heard a number of footsteps and you finally looked up to see not only Sergeant Kim but Major CJ and Major Yu.
“Oh, dear,” Major Yu shook her head at your state and knelt down, enveloping you in a hug. “It’s going to be okay. We will go back for him, okay?”
You nodded, breaking away and looking at Sergeant Kim who looked like he could pass out right there. “It’s Major Lee- I spotted his tattoo too, on the wrist. He’s the one who’s been sabotaging our missions, and I don’t know what he’s planning to do now. He said something about how our missions are baseless or something, I don’t know,” you sighed. “He has a problem with how things are being run. And now he’s taking it out on us.”
“I have a problem with how things are run here too,” Sergeant Kim sounded pissed. “But that does not mean I betray my people and side with the enemy for some petty revenge- even if something happens. We will go back for Major Choi, okay? But first you need to come back and plan-”
“I have no time to waste,” you shook your head fiercely. “You can join me later or not at all, for all I care, but I am leaving right now. I just need more weapons and I’m good-”
“Major Seo-”
“I cannot let anything happen to him!” You almost shouted, looking at Major Yu or Major CJ for help- surely they understood. “I finally, finally learned to live with myself and learned to function like a normal human being, I…” you breathed. “You know me, Sergeant. You know that I cannot live without him- I- “ you laughed at the irony of the situation. “I swore to never be like my mother but here I am.”
Major CJ turned as if to process what was happening and realisation dawned on Major Yu’s face. Sergeant Kim knelt down next to you. “You’re the strongest person I know here, Major. But please, think with your head for once. Come back with me, gear up properly, plan this and then leave-”
“You can do all of that and join me later,” you gave the final verdict. “I am leaving right now- keep me updated on the radio. And give me all of your bullets and weapons, dammit.”
Major CJ sighed. “Let me come with you. You don’t have to do this alone.”
Sergeant Kim groaned. “You think I don’t want to save him? I have to follow protocol- I cannot allow two of you to disappear-”
“It doesn’t matter anymore- someone needs to keep her grounded, and I can do that,” Major CJ offered you a hand and you smiled, taking it. “You can both give us your weapons and go back to the base, prepare and follow us right after. It shouldn’t be a problem anymore.”
Sergeant Kim considered for a few seconds before finally giving in, taking out his guns and daggers and Major Yu did the same. You both docked yourselves up and made sure everything was working.
“This is the last time I’m allowing this,” Sergeant Kim warned and you rolled your eyes. “Bring that brat back. And both of you… don’t get hurt. That is an order- come back alive.”
“Yes, Sergeant!” You both saluted and he told you both to hurry on, calling in the radio to order a car for you two. You looked ahead at the horizon, the sky already starting to lighten.
You prayed you would watch the sunrise once again and got in the car.
—---------------------------
Major CJ was proving to be quite the strategist. He was keeping the mood light, probably because you appeared tense enough to make up for him too, and you had to stop and appreciate him at one point, which he just shyly dismissed.
“I really don’t think a defected soldier will have much influence around there, so if they allowed Major Lee in the enemy base in Sector 1… that’s the only place he might go if he’s still working with them. Even if he’s not, Sector 1 is a pretty good place to start-”
“Stop calling him ‘Major’,” you growled. “Call him the motherfu-”
“-until we get some visual or locate Major Choi by some miracle,” Major CJ finished saying. “And stop being angry- it’s only going to cloud your decisions.”
“Oh no, not me,” you scoffed. “Anger fuels me and keeps me alive.”
“Whatever helps you,” Major CJ passed you a weird look.
You were both in Sector 1 now, going through the connected passages just like you had on your previous mission here. You could spot the enemy base now and you prayed Major CJ’s instinct was correct- San had to be there. 
“Do you think we should negotiate with Major Lee or just… go berserk?” Major CJ asked and when the radio responded before you, you realised he had asked the Sergeant too.
“Let Major Seo do whatever she wishes,” the Sergeant sighed loudly. “I’ll leave my post once she’s back. She should be the Sergeant since she can make all her decisions herself now-”
“Oh, please, I would not have waited for you back there if that was the case,” you muttered. “Don’t fuel me any further right now, Captain.”
“Whatever. Try to negotiate first and see if you can get him to come back.”
“Permission to shoot otherwise? If things don’t look bright?”
“In case he tries to harm any of you, permission to shoot is granted,” Sergeant Park’s voice sounded. “For Major Yeom too. He is a defected soldier- his case must be handled differently from Major Lee because we thought him dead.”
“Copy that,” Major CJ responded. “Stepping within a 2 mile radius into the enemy base… now.”
You took the lead, Major CJ providing cover and you couldn’t help but be reminded of San. Gritting your teeth and steeling your nerves, you loaded your guns and went into stealth mode-
And all hell went loose.
Major CJ was strong in every sense- he naturally took the lead as you eliminated guard after guard, forcing your way inside through a back door. And unsurprisingly, Major CJ was depending on his fists more in close combat and you would finish it off with bullets. You wondered if you two were syncing better because you were both fueled with the same purpose- to retrieve Major Choi.
“To the basement,” you motioned towards the stairs. “They keep the hostages there unless they’re being questioned.”
“They should have changed locations by now,” Major CJ flexed his arms, having suffocated one of the soldiers. “If Major Lee is in there… he’s pretty fucking stupid.”
You grinned, covering for him as you both went downstairs, this time shelling the guards first before gunning them down. You told Major CJ to hold his own while you checked the rooms, finding one empty room after another-
Nothing. He wasn’t in the basement.
With pure adrenaline fuelling you now, you lead Major CJ upstairs to the same level you had found Agent Oscar on, shooting in succession at anyone who dared to cross your path, not caring if you hit a vital spot anymore- they had done enough damage tonight too. You hurried along the corridor towards the rooms at the end and spotted San tied to a chair, his head hanging down. You almost stepped inside the room but paused-
There had to be someone else in the room.
You glanced at Major CJ and nodded before pushing the door open with your foot and as soon as you spotted movement against the wall, you pointed your gun in that direction and shot at the lower region, successfully hitting Major Yeom in the thigh who shot reflexively at you in return but he was slower- you kicked his gun away and held him at gunpoint once again.
“That was quick,” he seethed through the pain.
“You took my partner, of course I was quick,” you hit his head with the grip of your gun, making him groan louder. “Where’s that bastard?”
“He knew you would come here,” Major Yeom spat. “He’s got plans for you-”
“Oh no, he hasn’t,” you grinned. “Major Lee got some abandonment issues, huh? He must have thought no one would come back for Major Choi. But did he ever think our squads would retaliate against his actions? Your colleagues will be joining soon, Major.”
Major Yeom paled. “They wouldn’t have allowed you to-”
“That’s the thing- Major Lee made it pretty clear what he was expecting, and all we had to do was the opposite. Sergeant Park is not pleased at two of his members defecting. You do know how he gets when he’s angry, right? He’s on his way here right now, so I’ll let him take care of you.”
Major CJ joined and told you that the rest of the members were already here. You allowed yourself to relax while he took care of Major Yeom and you walked to San, untying the ropes on his wrists and kissing his knuckles.
“Major Choi. Can you hear me?”
He did not respond. You figured he must have been drugged to unconsciousness. You held his face, tucking his hair back and examining the bruises there and then the rest of his body- at least he was unharmed. You bent down and with the help of Major CJ, you propped his body on your back, deciding to carry him out while Major CJ provided cover. A sense of relief started to wash over you as you made your way out, your members and Squad 6’s members passing smiles because as Sergeant Kim said when he joined you on this mission, some protocols really needed to change. It was high time and considering how Major Lee felt about his situation and Major Yeom joined him, they must have felt abandoned- perhaps for the right reasons. You had often felt that too, though you were lucky enough to have San as your partner who always had your back and broke protocols and disobeyed orders again and again for you. And the thought scared you- that if not for him, you might have turned into Major Lee too.
You exited the base and hopped into the car waiting for you, Major CJ helping you lay him down across the seat and you checked San’s pulse and monitored his breathing- he was okay. 
Major CJ said he was going to help the rest and left you and San alone in the car. The adrenaline started to wear off and with trembling hands, you examined the rest of his body for any signs of injuries, finding none and relaxing once again, resting your head on his chest and listening to his heartbeat while you waited for him to wake up. You shut your eyes, not sure if the sound in your ears was the sound of San’s heart or your own. 
You didn’t realise how tired you were until you felt a hand caress your head, tucking your hair behind your ears. You found yourself unable to open your eyes, a stream of fresh tears falling down on San’s jacket. His warm fingers wiped the tears away, caressing your cheek softly. 
“Won’t you look at me?”
You only buried your face in his chest, silently crying. San let you be for a few moments before he couldn’t take it anymore and nudged you to face him, seating himself up. You finally opened your eyes and let out a relieved laugh. San smiled in response, wiping your face with his sleeve. 
“You have no idea how much it hurts me to see you cry.”
“I’m crying because of you,” you said, sniffing. “Do you have any idea how scared I was?”
“I’m sorry,” he kissed your forehead, lingering. “I’m so sorry-”
“No, it’s not your fault,” you told him, cupping his face. “I’m just so glad that you’re okay, so glad,” you said, pecking his lips. “I was so scared-”
San captured your mouth in a kiss as a form of an apology and you took it, letting his hand guide you as he deepened the kiss. You fisted his shirt in one hand, the other finding his and intertwining with it. San broke away, your breaths lingering and you reached in to hug him, burying your face in the crook of his neck- your favourite spot. San caressed your back, holding you as close as he could. 
“You came back for me, huh?” San shook his head at the insanity of it. “Do you realise just what you did? Did you march here alone?”
“I almost did, but CJ joined and then the rest did- even Squad 6,” you told him, breaking away so you could look at him. “Captain wouldn’t let me go alone.”
“He’s always like this,” San laughed. “But you- you shouldn’t have been so reckless-”
“Says who? At least I had the others join later. You marched into enemy base alone to get me back 3 years ago-”
“That was different-”
“Yes, but that was more reckless,” you slapped his arm. “And anyways, I would have done this for you. You know I would have come for you. It’s a miracle I found you this quick.”
San caressed your face. “Even if we were not… like this?”
“We’ve always been in love, though,” you said and San caught your confession in it. “And I have realised now… love is supposed to be a strength, not a weakness.”
San glanced outside, the sky glowing a beautiful pastel now and spotted the Sergeants collecting their members and arresting Major Lee and Major Yeom. When you counted the rest of your members, all safe and sound, you relaxed into San’s arms. The enemy was stupid to attack your base- of course you would have retaliated. San kissed your forehead. “We lived to see the sunrise yet again.”
“I wish to see the rest of my sunrises with you too,” you said and San smiled. You sealed that promise with a kiss.
To a better future. 
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yoonguurt · 4 months
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Summary: A failed relationship and an ailing mother forces Y/N to move back to her hometown, despite not wanting to.  She knows in her heart that everything will be the same as the day she left. Nothing ever changes in a small town. Except when it does. A new neighbor, a new hardware store, and two new additions to the town bring the holiday magic into Y/N’s life. The question is, will the magic stay or will the ghost of Christmas past ruin everything?
Pairing: non idol!San × reader
Genre: fluff, angst, smut
Trope: strangers to lovers
Word count: 15,207 (yikes)
Warnings: mentions of death of a parent, mentions of cheating (not San or reader), mentions of depression and antidepressants, reader's mother is in poor health. Smut warnings under the cut.
A/n: this is the longest fic I have ever written and I genuinely had fun writing it. I'm so proud of this. Thank you to @kwanisms for making the banner as always
@anyamaris @stardragongalaxy @millennial-fangirl @kpop-stories-21 @twisted-tales-of-all @skyechild @staytinyville
Smut warnings: Switch!San, switch!reader, oral sex (m&f receiving), fingering, marking, protected sex, they just soft for each other.
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════
You step off of the bus, leaves crunching under you feet as you look around, noticing that the town looks pretty much the same as the day you left. Some of the buildings are more run down than they used to be, the roads are a little less maintained, but it’s nothing major.
You sigh and readjust the bag on your shoulder, tightening your grip on the suitcase beside you. Your thoughts drift, reminding yourself to call the moving company to confirm the arrival date of the rest of your things. Your thoughts shift to Joshua and you hear bits of your final conversation, before blinking away the tears starting to form and take your first step.
You had sold your car, knowing you wouldn’t need it in such a small place, your mother can no longer drive so you can use her car if needed. You look at your watch, not having a cell phone since not only was it on Joshua’s plan, but you didn’t want an easy way for him to contact you.
You start walking along the sidewalk, keeping your head down and lost in your thoughts. Your childhood home isn’t that far from the main square and you still know the way like the back of your hand.
A few people stop you and make small talk, surprised that you’re back in town and seeming to be staying for a while. You try to be polite, though avoidant when they ask questions, only telling them that your mother needed you here so you came. Your patience is being tested, but you do your best not to let it show on your face. God, you really don’t want to be here.
After finally getting away from the nosey town people, thinking that no one in this town has anything better to do than worry about other people’s business, you smile as you pass the local diner. You know you’ll be the talk of the town for a while, but the memories of all the time spent in that dingy diner drift through your mind.
Your first date, your first job (well sort of), your last hangout before leaving town. You remind yourself that you really need to stop by and talk to Lou as soon as possible. Out of everyone here, you’ve missed him the most and you know he’ll be happy to see you.
You make it to your mother’s neighborhood, looking around to see what, if anything has changed. Everything looks mostly the same, your mother’s house is in desperate need of paint and good lawn care, though. You notice the house to the right of her mother’s has changed.
There is a swing set in the yard, a small inflatable pool and a tricycle scattered throughout. You guess that the older lady that lived there must have moved. Of course she would have, it has been 12 years since you left. That lady may not even be alive anymore, that thought bringing a ping of hurt to your heart. She was always such a wonderful lady. You shake the sad thought away before stepping up to the front door and pulling your key out and unlocking the door.
You call out to your mother, letting her know that you made it. You hear your mother’s voice sounding out from the kitchen. You kick your shoes off beside the door and walk down the short hall, making a right into the kitchen to see your mother standing at the island in the center of the room, a smile on her face. You greet your mother with a hug and accepts the mug of coffee she hands you.
You look around as the two of you talk about your trip, noticing that there are many repairs that need to be made. Cabinets need to be painted and finished, the counters need to be fixed, and the wallpaper is peeling. You briefly wonder what else needs to be fixed.
You think you noticed the railing along the stairs was tilted. You sigh again, knowing that there’s no way you can leave these things the way they are. You know these things are bothering you, but in her current state you also know that she can’t fix them herself.
Your mother’s questioning about Joshua brings you out of your thoughts, and you force a small smile. “ He’s fine, mom.” You know that your mother can tell that there is something you aren’t saying, but decides not to push the issue right now.
After finishing your coffee, you excuse yourself, telling your mother that you are going to unpack your things and you make your way back down the hallway, making another right to go up the stairs.
As you reach the top of the stairs, you pause, taking a look around the upstairs of the house. Your childhood bedroom is to the left of the stairs There is a door to the right before you get to your room, your mother’s old sewing room. You remember sitting on the bean bag chair on the floor of the room reading while your mother sewed.
The next door on the left is the bathroom, you think about how many days you spent hours in there, trying to make sure you looked your best for school. Your bedroom door is the last door on the right, the room across the hall is an old storage room that you’re sure has many of your childhood toys. Your mother has always been a sentimental hoarder.
Before entering your room, you turn and take a long back down the hallway. There aren’t as many rooms down the right side of the hall. Your parent’s room is the only door on the left, the master bedroom with their own bathroom and there’s a small alcove with a bay window on the right.
Your eyes pause on the door at the end of the hall, your father’s study. You stare at the door for a moment before turning back to face your door. With one more sigh, you open your door, throwing one last look at the door at the end of the hall, and head into your room, closing the door softly behind you.
You let your eyes drift around the room. The desk that you used for homework is set up against the back wall and you quickly take your laptop from your bag, setting it on the desk and plugging the charger into the wall.
You had found a job as a remote legal assistant, mostly fielding emails to the correct parties, getting video calls of meetings that you needed to type the minutes for. You were very thankful that your former boss had put you in contact with someone that had the position available. Without being able to stop them, your thoughts drift to your old life.
You had left your hometown not long after graduating, knowing that the small town life wasn’t for you. You had quickly found a job as a receptionist for a law firm, and you were damn good at your job. And you loved your job. You regret that you didn’t visit more, really only making the two hour drive back home for the holidays. You had still talked to your mother every day, but you knew that she would have loved to see you more.
After being with the firm for a year, a new partner was welcomed into the work family. Joshua had immediately caught your attention. Not only was he gorgeous, but he was soft spoken and polite. A true gentleman. He had a wonderful sense of humor. He was just amazing.
For two years, your life had been everything you had wanted. Until the death of your father. His death hit you hard. You essentially shut down for a while, you can admit to that. You know that Joshua tried to bring you out of your grief, but you hadn’t let him in.
Though you could realize that those things happened, that didn’t excuse Joshua’s actions. It didn’t excuse you walking into Joshua’s office on day to find him fucking his assistant. No, there was no excuse for that. You had come to tell him that you would need to come back home for a while, your mother wasn’t doing well and you needed to get her settled. Now, your visit has become a permanent residence.
You shake yourself out of your thoughts and focus your attention back on your room.
Your bookcase sits left of the door, mostly empty. Your face falls into frown. You didn’t read much when you were a teen, too busy with parties and friends. You had picked up on the hobby after you had moved. The thought that the bookcase would be full once the rest of your things arrive lifted your spirits a bit.
Reading had become one of your most treasured hobbies. When you had a bad day, you could lose yourself in a fictional world. The thought that you didn’t know if you could take away the worries and doubts you have currently makes your heart sink a little bit, but you swallow the sadness down, determined not to let yourself breakdown again. You had done her crying the night she left and you promised yourself that that was the last time you would cry over Joshua.
You look around your room again, smiling at how it looks exactly like you left it. Your queen size bed still has the zebra print bedspread you had gotten when you were 16 and you cringe a little. “The first thing I’m buying is a new bedspread and sheets.” Your voice is a whisper despite being the only one in the room.
Your slight grimace fades into a smile when you see the handmade quilt your aunt had given you as a Christmas present folded and placed at the foot of your bed. You take a step forward and rub your fingers along the fabric, her eyes watering a little at the memory of your aunt giving it to her. You really need to call her and see how she’s doing. You huff a small laugh, remembering that even in this day and age, both your mother and aunt still have wall phones, thinking that they really are sisters.
After taking a shower and changing into a tank top and sweats, you make your way back downstairs to check on your mother and help her make dinner. You pop your head into the kitchen, clearing your throat to let your mother aware of your presence. “Need any help?” Your mom smiles and nods. “I would love some.”
The two of you make small talk as you bumble around the kitchen, cutting vegetables and preparing everything your need. You turn to face your mother, only to notice that she is winding, but trying to hide it. “Mom, sit down. I can handle the rest of this.” She opens her mouth to argue, but you throw a stern glare at her and she sighs and sits at the table, a slight pout on her face. What an adorable woman.
The food is ready in no time, and you make a plate for each of you.
“Wanna eat in the living room? Maybe we can watch The Thornbirds?” Your mother quickly agrees, glad to be spending time with you and watching something you both love.
You eat quietly, paying attention to the movie like you haven’t seen it a million times. When you’ve finished your food, you set your plate on the coffee table, fully intending to wash it once the movie is over. It hits you just how much you have missed spending time with your mom like this. You pull your feet onto the couch and throw a blanket over yourself as you lay your head in your mother’s lap, simply enjoying how much better it makes you feel.
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“Y/N. Wake up, sweet girl,” your mother’s voice wakes you up.
You hadn’t meant to fall asleep but you guess that the comfort of snuggle up to your mother must have lulled you into slumber. You stand slowly, stretching with a grunt. Your mom stands as well, much more slowly than you had.
“Mom, is it your feet?”
She nods and tells you that it’s fine, but you make sure to help her up. You wrap your arm around hers, helping her up the stairs. “I can do this on my own, you know?” Her voice has a bit of her trademark attitude and you have to bite back a laugh. “I’m sure you can, but you’re not.” That makes her fake angry front break and she giggles.
Once you make it to your mother’s door, you let go of her arm. “I’m glad to have you home. I love you,” she ends with a kiss to your forehead and you tell her that you love her too before turning to return to your bedroom. You hope that your bed is as comfortable as it used to be as you climb in, getting comfortable. Sleep comes quickly, though your dreams are filled with arguments and tears.
You wake up later than you had planned the next day, though you don’t feel guilty about it. Your new job doesn’t start until next month so you don't necessarily have to be up early.
You hear your mother moving around downstairs and you make a stop by the bathroom to potty and brush your teeth before heading downstairs. You can’t help but stop at the top of the stairs, your eyes stopping on the door at the end of the hall. The thought of walking into the study crosses your mind, but you quickly dismiss it, knowing that you aren’t ready for that.
You peek in each room looking for your mother, eventually finding her on the back porch, a cup of coffee in her hand as she sits on the porch swing. She flashes you a smile and wishes you a good morning. “Though it’s almost afternoon. There’s fresh coffee in the kitchen,” she laughs at her own little joke.
“Morning Ma,” you greet her. “I’m so glad you made coffee. I’m not used to that bed anymore so I tossed and turned all night.” She hums in acknowledgement and you turn, moving forward to the kitchen to get your coffee.
While in the kitchen, your attention is brought back to the state of disarray of your mother’s home. You make the decision that today you'll go into the main square and get yourself a new bedspread and some basic necessities. Tomorrow you can go to the hardware store and look into what you’ll need to fix the kitchen up.
You make your coffee, and return to the porch and talk to your mother about your plans for the day, asking if her mother needs anything.
“All I can think of is that my medicine should be ready at the pharmacy. Do you mind picking it up for me?”
You agree and the conversation turns to what happened to the older lady that lived next door. “Oh. Her son had to put her in a home after she fell. I heard she passed after about a year.” Although this was what you expected, knowing that this is what happened still hurts.
“There have been a few people in and out of the house since then. Right now, there’s a young man around your age and his son. I don’t know much about him, but he seems like a nice boy.” Maybe more changed around here than you thought.
You take your time enjoying your coffee and chatting with your mom, getting a shower afterwards and getting ready to run your errands. The hot water feels amazing on your skin and once again you take your time. You’re used to being in a rush when you get ready and it’s nice to just be.
Looking through your clothes, you choose a pair of black skinny jeans and a band tee. You complete the outfit with your black combat boots, the ones that have little metal hearts on the side. A lot of things have changed since you left town, but you still sure hasn’t.
When you decide that you’re ready go, you stop by the back porch to tell you mother that you’re heading out and telling her that you’ll see her later.
The late fall air feels crisp and you take a deep breath, simply enjoying it. The fresh air is definitely something you’ve missed about being home. The city is great in many ways, but the air quality certainly isn’t one of them. It’s also nice to step outside and not hear sirens and horns everywhere immediately.
There’s something peaceful about being able to feel the breeze and just walking in silence.
As you step off the front porch, you find yourself walking to your mother’s car out of habit. You had already decided to walk, though you have second thoughts when you remember that you’ll be carrying a bed set home.
You stand firm in your decision to walk, thinking that the walk could be the replacement for a gym trip that you totally would have gone on in the city. (That’s a lie. You hate the gym, but it sounds better in your head.)
As the slight breeze hits your back, you think about grabbing a jacket. If your back gets cold, you’re fucked, but you take the risk instead of trudging back inside. Plus, you remind yourself, the weather here is finicky and it could suddenly warm up and you could be sweating.
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As you walk to the square, you feel as if you’re repeating the day before. Multiple people stop you, they obviously haven’t heard the gossip from the people that stopped you yesterday. Or they just want to see if they can get something else out of you, which is entirely possible.
As you make it to the center of town, the sidewalk traffic slows down and you breathe out a sigh of relief. You notice that the hardware store has barely changed, only the name is new. You glance through the window, the inside still looks exactly the same. There’s a little boy grinning and talking to anyone he see. The boy is the cutest thing you’ve ever seen. His little afro bouncing a little as he runs around.
Smiling softly at the image in front of you, you turn your head back to the sidewalk as you press on. Just past the hardware store is the pharmacy. It looks as if it hasn’t changed a bit and you are certain that an older version of the pharmacist sits inside behind the counter. You make a mental note, reminding yourself to stop and get your mom’s medication on your way back home. The thought of carrying medication around the home goods store makes you uncomfortable, so you feel resolute in your choice.
You lower your head as you pass the diner, not ready to be stopped yet. You still need to stop in and see Lou, but you think that you’ll do that tomorrow. The home goods store is a couple buildings down from the diner. It still baffles you that this town has such a large store, though it wouldn’t be considered large by most people’s standards, and you’re kind of shocked it has lasted as long as it has.
The bell dings as you open the door and you cringe slightly, hoping no one notices that it’s you who walked through the door. You walk down the main aisle, looking at the signs on the edges of side aisles trying to find the bedding aisle. Honestly, you don’t have high hopes about the selection they’ll have, but you guess anything is better than the zebra print monstrosity that is on your bed currently. You finally find the bedding aisle and you are pleasantly surprised to see both sides of the aisle are full of options. You look over the choices in front of you, realizing that you were correct. Most of the options are different brands of the same plain sets. When you resign yourself to having to get a plain white set, you find something that perfectly suits your taste. It’s black in color and has a large sun with smaller stars and moons floating around randomly on the rest of the comforter. You discretely jump in happiness when you see that they have one queen sized set left and you quickly snatch it up and make your way to the register, remembering half way there to grab some new body wash and basic necessities. Luckily, the store is fairly empty and you don’t recognize the young girl at the counter, so you feel relief at someone probably not knowing you. You’re very glad to know that your assumption was correct, the girl barely pays attention to you and you’re able to quickly pay and leave.
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As you carry the bedding, you groan internally, annoyed at yourself for not stopping at the pharmacy before you went to the home goods store. The bedding is slipping from your hand and the angle is awkward. This is not one of your best decisions.
'Mistakes have been made. '
Readjusting you grip on the bedding, you pick up you pace, doing your best to make it to the pharmacy as quickly as possible. As you turn towards the door of the pharmacy, you let out a groan when you realize that you going to have a time getting this open with your hands full.
Resigning yourself to the fact that you’re going to have to put the bedding down to open the door, you’re surprised when a hand and a soft “Let me,” comes from your right. You turn your head and you have to hold in your gasp gasp.
An absolutely beautiful man is smiling a bright smile, briefly reminding you of the boy you saw earlier through the window of the hardware store. His black hair is pushed back off of his forehead and you have the thought that you want to run your hands through it.
His shoulders are broad, but his waist is tiny. He’s gorgeous.
He pulls the door open, gesturing with left hand in an “after you” motion. You smile, slightly shyly which is very unlike you, and thank him. He holds the door open for you before he steps inside him self. “You’re welcome,” he replies. “Just couldn’t stand to see a pretty lady struggling,” he adds, giving you a smile and a nod, turning while you continue straight toward the counter.
A friendly older man smiles as he asks you what he can help you with. You were right when you guessed it was the same man that worked here before you left. People tend to stick to the same thing forever in small towns.
You give him your mother’s name and tell him that you are her daughter and are here to pick up her medication. He gives you a nod and steps away to locate the medication. You quickly set the bedding down, giving your arm a stretch so it doesn’t get stiff.
The pharmacist comes back with the medication for your mother and gives you the total of the purchase. You pays pausing to ask him a few questions about the medication before you grab your things and head toward the door. You notice the man from earlier standing in front of the vitamins, looking a little confused.
You step forward, voice not too loud to scare the man. “You need any help there?” He startles a little and you chuckle a little and apologize, telling him that he just looked like he was confused. He laughs shyly, a faint blush dusting his cheeks. “I-uh, came to get my son’s vitamins, but they’re out of the ones I usually buy. I’m trying to find a suitable substitute.”
You give him a firm nod turning to look at the options. You asks him what kind he normally gets and he tells you the brand. You scan the shelf, unaware of the eyes on the side of your face, before making a small “aha” and setting your bedding down again and reaching out to grab a bottle.
“These are just as beneficial as the ones you normally get, but they’re cheaper. Plus, they’re gummies so he’ll probably like them more,” you explain as you hand him the bottle. He smiles widely at you and you can feel your breath catching again as he thanks you.
“No need for thanks. Just returning the favor.” He gives you another big smile and follows you to the door, opening it again so you can step outside. You thank him and tell him to have a good day as he turns back around to pay.
The rest of your trip home is without incident, much to your relief. You walk through your mother’s door and call out. “Mom! I’m back!” You take your things upstairs to drop your things off in your room. You go back downstairs to find your mother. She asks about you day and you decide to bring up her medication as you hand it to her.
“Momma, why didn’t you tell me things were so bad. Mr. Jones told me a bit about these medications. Antidepressants, medicine for chronic sinus issues and face pain, and pain medication for your feet.” You watch her face as she processes what you’ve said, not pushing her to answer you immediately. You want her to be able to take her time.
After a moment or two, she speaks. “I’ve been handling things the best I could. You had your own life and I didn’t want to worry you more than necessary.” Your eyes begin to water and you hug her, apologizing for not being around more.
“Oh dear, I’m not upset with you for growing up and going on your own path. But I sure am glad to have you home.” The two of you stand in each others arms for a bit longer.
You think it’s finally time to break the news to her mother that you and Joshua are no longer together and the reasoning behind your breakup.” Mom, Josh and I aren’t together anymore. I found him with another woman a week or so before I came back.”
She tilts her head and pulls you back into her arms, asking if you’re ok. You softly tell her mother that you’re ok, still hurt, but ok. You mother suggests that the two of you cook together and watch another movie and you smile and agree.
After eating and watching the movie, you had decided to watch Ma and Pa Kettle, an old favorite of yours, you help your mother to bed and change your bedding. You take a look at what feels like a brand new bed, beyond pleased to have the god awful zebra atrocity gone from sight.
You check your email before bed, noticing an email from Joshua. You delete it without even reading it, not even thinking twice about it. You order yourself a new phone, already tired of not having one and climb into bed.
You wake up earlier than you did the day before and go through the routine of brushing your teeth, showering, and having breakfast and coffee with you mom. You definitely picked up your coffee addiction from her.
“Just a reminder that I’m going to the hardware store today. Gotta get started on fixing this kitchen.” She nods telling you to take the car today, and you agree with a laugh, telling her that you had already planned on it. “Are you dead set on these white cabinets?” Your mom smiles softly.
“The kitchen is your project, my baby. You do whatever you want with it. The house will be yours eventually, might as well have it the way you like it.” You smile despite the painful thought that one day your mother won’t be here. “Besides, you did always talk about designing the perfect kitchen.”
You give her a wide smile, glad she remembers how much you always talked about designing the kitchen in your future home. You tells her that you will see her later as you grab the keys to the car and steps outside.
You hear laughter from the lawn of the house next door and turn to see a little boy running to the car in the driveway, and a man hunched down chasing him, wiggling his fingers like he’s going to tickle the boy. The sight warms your heart and you briefly think that they look familiar. You smile to yourself and makes your way to the car.
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You park the car in the small lot in front of the hardware store, sitting for a moment before getting out and stepping to the door of the building. Pulling on the handle, you find that the door won’t open. You check the hours on the front of the glass, it says that the store should be open by now. You heave a sigh, something that has become quite common lately, and turn to head back to the car.
“Are you trying to get into the hardware store?” A voice comes from behind you. You turn to find the man from the pharmacy the day before, a set of keys in one hand and the hand of a small boy in the other. You give him a smile and nod, waving at the boy. You bend down a little.
“Well, hello there.” The boy smiles and waves back. “I’m so sorry. Normally, I’d have opened up by now, but a certain little boy didn’t want to get out of bed this morning.” As he finishes his sentence, his eyes flicker down to the boy, who is still wearing his bright smile.
You laugh and tells him that you understand and there are still some days where you don’t want to get out of bed. The man laughs his beautiful laugh again and opens the door, making the same motion with his hand as he did the day before.
Once you get into the store, the man snaps and makes an oh sound. You jump a little and look at him with a confused look. “This is the second time we’ve met and I still haven’t introduced myself. I’m San and this is my store.” He’s wearing a small smirk as he speaks.
You give him your name back, trying not to let your tummy flutter when he says that it is a pretty name. You squat down to the boy, making sure you’re face to face. “And what is your name, cutie?”
He gives you a big smile. “I’m Mason Choi and I’m four.” He holds up four fingers as he speaks. “My address is--”
“Ok, buddy, you don’t have to tell her all of that,” San interrupts with a breathy laugh, causing you to giggle along with him. You stand back up to full height, asking San where you can find the paint, and he points you in the right direction before you both go your separate ways.
You browse the paint aisle, taking your time looking through the colors. You aren’t sure you’ll be able to pick one for certain, but you know she’ll be taking home some swatches. You spend a few minutes thinking about the overall theme you want for the kitchen, trying to think about what would go best with what you have in mind. you gets a memory of what she wanted to do as a child, softly smiling at where your thoughts have drifted.
“You must really like that color.”
A voice comes from you left, a laugh following. You turn to find San there, giving you a smirk. You laugh softly and tell him that you were just thinking about a childhood memory. “When I was little, I wanted to design my mom’s kitchen. When she asked me what I wanted to do with it, I had a solid plan. Bubblegum colored walls, with white paint dripping down and splats of bright colors randomly placed around. I wanted the walls to look like ice cream.”
He gives a big laugh and you feel your insides churn again, internally cursing yourself. “What even brought that to mind?”
You tell him that you’re here to pick out paint, but you needed to think of a theme first.. He nods his head as if telling her to continue. You tell him that you current pet project is to redo the kitchen and that it’s in desperate need of a remodel.
“Do you plan to paint first?” His question isn’t judging, merely asking as if he’s trying to help. You think for a moment before shaking your head. “I should probably replace the cabinets and counters first, a slight blush coming to the surface of your cheeks.
You should have thought of that. And why are you blushing? You don’t blush. What is going on?
“In that case, you’re probably going to want to look into what kind of style you want the cabinets you want. There’s many different styles. Same goes for the counters. So many different patterns for counter tops.”
He pauses for a moment, allowing you nod to let him know that you are paying attention. Honestly, you don’t think you could pull your attention away from him.
“Now, I don’t have pre built cabinets here, but I’m sure I could track down a catalog somewhere that you can look through.” You give him a shake of your head, telling him that he doesn’t have to go through that much trouble, you could just do a search online. He gives you a sideways smile, telling you that he’s going to do it anyway. The smile is so fucking adorable that it has you smiling with him.
“So, are you going to be doing this yourself or is your dad or boyfriend helping?” The mention of both your dad and a boyfriend makes your smile fall and your body stiffen a little.
“No, it’ll just be me.” He gives you a shallow nod, his smile falling slightly too. He quickly recovers, though, keeping his cheerful mood. “If you need any help, please just ask. I don’t mind helping at all.” You smile and tell him that you will definitely keep that in mind.
Mason runs up to San, telling him that someone has come into the store asking for him. San bends down and thanks his son with a kiss on the cheek and stands to take his hand. “If you need help with anything, just let me know.” You tell that you will and he gives you a wink as he heads to the front of the store.
You look at paint swatches for a while longer, lost in thought. Your stomach eventually begins to rumble and you make the decision to finally brave the diner. You make you way back to the door, throwing San and Mason a smile and a wave before leaving.
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You walk to the diner, stopping to take a deep breath before making you way in front of the windows and to the door.
Pulling the door open, you’re hit with the smell of greasy burgers and fries and you sigh, suddenly overcome with a homey feeling. The diner holds many memories, both good and bad, and you figure it’s time to face them head on.
You slide into the booth in the back, it was always your favorite. You glances down, seeing the menu on the table, knowing that you don’t even have to look at it to know what you want.
A middle aged woman comes up to you and asks if you’re ready and you nod. You go with your favorite, a bacon cheese burger with extra pickles and a tea. Lou makes the best burgers. Before the waitress can leave, you ask her to tell Lou that it’s Y/N. The lady gives you a confused look before nodding and walking off to the kitchen.
You can hear the waitress yell Lou’s name before her voice lowers. You smirk slightly, counting down in you head. Only a second later, a tall man with a big belly comes barreling out of the kitchen area, throwing his apron on the counter.
You stand up from the booth, waiting beside it as the man makes his way to you. Lou greets you with a hug, telling you that he’s missed his best waitress. You laugh at his antics.
“Lou, I never actually worked for you.”
He brushes you off with a wave of his hand and asks how you’ve been. You tell him that you’ve been better, but you’ve also been worse. He gives you a sigh and a nod.
“You’ve always been so quiet about how you actually feel. Come on and tell Big Lou what’s going on.” You sit down, motioning for him to sit across from you. He holds his finger up in a hold on signal and walks back to the kitchen. You smile as he walks away, thinking back on your time knowing the gentle giant.
Lou has owned the diner for as long as you can remember, though you knows that it can’t be as long as it feels since the man is in his late 40s. He’s a man that looks gruff and unfriendly, but once you really get to know him, he’s a great person to have in your life.
Lou has always been your group of friends’ confidant in a sense, always listening, never talking unless asked. With you in particular, he always dragged what was wrong out of you. When you first boyfriend broke up with you, you went to the diner, obviously upset but refusing to talk about it. Lou told you that if you were going to sit and mope, could you at least take an order to a customer since he was short staffed.
You remember that you had looked at him like he was a crazy man and he just gave you a toothy grin. That had made you smile as well and you grabbed the plate and took it to the customer. That had started the tradition of you coming to the diner when you were sad and Lou giving you things to do to take your mind off of it. He always paid you out of the money out of the register, even though you told him that he didn’t have to. You always ended up telling him what was wrong and he always gave the best advice. It was an unusual friendship, but one you greatly treasured.
You’re shaken out of your thoughts by Lou sliding into the booth, your burger on a plate in one hand and a plate full of cheese fries in the other. “Lou, I didn’t order cheese fries,” your voice is teasing. He just tells you to hush and eat you food. You laugh a big laugh and start to dig in.
“Alright Peanut, spill the beans.”
You take a breath and repeat the story of your relationship with Joshua. You vent about your mother’s health and how you’re worried about her. You talk about the kitchen remodel. For the first time since your father’s death, you talk about it and how you handled it when it happened and how you’re handling it now. You mention your thoughts of going into his study, but you just can’t bring yourself to do it.
By the time you’ve finished spilling your guts to Lou, you’ve finished your burger and are starting to work on the fries. You flick your eyes up to Lou’s face, trying to gauge his reaction to the spew of information you’ve given him. His eyebrows are furrowed, obviously deep in thought. You stare at him for a moment, waiting patiently. He takes a deep breath, releasing it slowly. He looks at you with a serious expression before opening his mouth.
“So, you looking for a job?”
The question makes you burst out laughing, the first whole hearted laugh you’ve had since finding out Joshua was cheating on you, probably since you lost your father. You laugh until your stomach hurts and you have tears gathering in her eyes. Lou reaches across the table to pat you on the hand.
“You’re a strong woman and you’re gonna get through all of this and come out stronger on the other side. Now, what is this boy’s name and where does he live. It’s for science.”
You give his hand a slight slap and tell him to get back to work. He stands and gives you another hug and you move to go pay for you food. Lou moves in front of the register, shaking his head and pointing to the door. You giggle and shake your head, knowing this is a fight you won’t win and leave. As you reach the door, you hear Lou call your name. You turn back to face him, an eyebrow raised.
“Go into the room, Peanut.”
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Deciding to head back home, it’s been hours since you left that morning and it’s well after lunch time, you make you way back to the hardware store to grab your mother’s car, noticing San’s car is gone.
You wonder if he is only open a few hours a day, but quickly dismiss the thought, deciding that it’s none of your business and continue on your way back home.
Turning into the driveway, you hear laughing from next door again, thinking that you’re glad your new neighbors are so cheerful. You hear a small voice calling your name and you turn to see Mason smiling wide and frantically waving.
You says his name with as much enthusiasm as he had said yours and start waving just as frantically. San stands in the background smiling at the two of you just standing in the middle of your yards just waving like crazy people. He steps forward with a “howdy neighbor” and you laugh and say hello.
San gives you a wink, saying that it looks like you’ll will be seeing each other a lot and you laugh and agree. Mason cuts in and asks if he and San can go have their lunch now, and San agrees, picking him up and saying goodbye to you before heading inside. You watch as they walk through their door, thinking that this man and his flirtatious nature are going to be problem.
Not entirely an unwelcome problem, but a problem regardless.
You step through you own door, calling out to your mother. You hear her voice coming from the back porch and you slip your shoes off and walk toward the back of the house. Your mother asks how your day has been, and you tell her about your time at the hardware store and lunch with Lou. She gives you a smile, telling you that she’s glad that you met with Lou, and saying that he always asks about you.
“I met the new neighbor, he also owns the hardware store.”
Your mother huffs out a laugh. “Yes, I know, dear. It is a small town after all.” You roll her eyes with a laugh. You mention San telling you that he would see if he could find a catalog with cabinets for you to look at, and your mother hums and nods, asking if you have figured out what you want to do with the kitchen. You shake your head. “San brought that up too, but I need to think about it for a bit. I’m gonna go look at the kitchen and see if something comes to me.”
You walk into the kitchen, glancing around while in thought. You do your best to envision what you want the kitchen to look like. After standing around just looking at the cabinets, it hits you. You look around, picturing what you want. You wanted dark gray cabinets with silver handles.
As you look around, the thought of making a little nook comes to your mind. Cabinets and drawers on the bottom, a counter, the area is boxed in, like a little alcove. On the very top, you envision putting potted plants. Your vision is sort of a forest-y vibe.
Smiling to yourself, you turn around and makes you way back to your mother. Before you leave the room, you make yourself a cup of coffee.
When you get back to your mother, you tell her about your idea for the kitchen and she gives you a smile and tells you that she loves it. You notice your mother getting tired and you offer her your arm and tell her she should take a nap.
She immediately disagrees, but you insist and tell her that you will make dinner and wake her up when it’s ready. Huffing, your mother relents and grabs your arm and pulls herself up. You helps her to her room and tell her to have a good nap and leave her room.
You stand outside of the door, looking at the door to your father’s study. Lou’s words float through your mind and you take a hesitant step forward. You step until you have your hand on the knob, but you quickly let go and turn around and head to your room to grab your laptop before going back downstairs.
Feeling like it’s a bit early to start on dinner, also knowing that your mother needs a nice nap, you grab yourself another cup of coffee, deciding to sit on the front porch this time. You tell yourself that it definitely isn’t with the hopes of seeing San, you just want a change.
You grab one of the wicker bucket chairs on the front porch, sitting in it with your laptop on your lap and your coffee on the small table to your left.
Opening your email, you find two more emails from Joshua. Taking a deep breath, you open the first one. You know that this is the first step in healing and moving on. The email is exactly what you expected it to be. Josh says he’s sorry and that he does love you and he wishes you would email him back.
You close out of the email, still feeling hurt, but not as bad as you had expected. Before you can open the second email, a voice calls out to you making you look up to see San.
“You’re drinking coffee this late in the afternoon?” he asks. You let a little giggle follow. “It’s never too late for coffee.” You have a teasing glint in your eye as you respond. “I think that I have to respectfully disagree.”
The two of you talk for a while, before you remember your vision for the kitchen. You tell San that you have an idea and he tilts his head and motions for you to continue.
You tell him about how you wants everything to look and he nods as you talks. After you finish, he tells you that it sounds like a really neat idea and he will look around for that catalog. You thank him and ask where Mason is. He tells you that he’s down for a nap.
“I know it’s a bit late for a nap, but I never let him sleep too long or he’ll be up all night.” You laugh and tell that him you couldn’t even imagine what it’s like to deal with a toddler that’s wide awake at three am and San laughs with you. You bite you lip and ask if his mother is watching him while he’s down. San stiffens a little, shakes his head. “No. It’s just me and Mason.” You remember you mother mentioning that he was a single father so you aren’t sure why you even asked.
“Oh God, I’m sorry. That was none of my business.” San assures you that it’s fine and that he and Mason are doing well on their own.
“It looks like it. From what little I’ve seen, you seem like a great dad.” He blushes a little and thanks you. You giggle at his sudden shyness and tell him that it’s not a problem. He checks the time on his phone.
“I better wake the little guy up.” You nod and he gives you a smile and turns to head back to his yard. You stop his movement with a call of his name and he turns to face you.
“Would you two want to join my mom and I for dinner? Think of it as a belated welcome to the neighborhood celebration.” San gives you a large smile. “I’ll ask Mason, though I’m positive he will agree. It would seem that he has already taken a liking to you.”
You giggle and tell him that you’ve taken a liking to Mason too. “If you guys decided to come, just knock on the door. It should be ready in a couple of hours.” He nods back at you and you end the conversation by telling him that you’ll make sure there’s more than coffee to drink and you open the door and step inside, San’s beautiful laughter ringing out behind you. You gently wake your mother, telling her that you have invited San and his son for dinner.
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By the time dinner is ready and you take a shower, there’s a knock at the door. Since you’re already right by the door, you open it to find San and Mason smiling at you. Your eyes wander over San. 'Damn he looks good.' He's dressed casually in some jeans and a black tee while Mason is wearing sweatpants and a dinosaur shirt.
You squat down to the child's level. “Wow,” you say looking at the dinosaur on his shirt. “I love your shirt!” Mason smiles up at his dad before looking back at you. “What's your favoritest dinosaur?” you ask.
“Raptor!” he enthusiastically answers, even going as far to try to make a raptor noise. You give him a laugh. “Well, my favorite dinosaur is a Spinosaurus, but I don’t even know what they sound like!” you said, sounding impressed. “You sound like you know more about dinosaurs that I do.” Mason nods.
“I’m a dinosaur expert!”
His enthusiasm warms your heart and you stand, inviting them to come inside.
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You show them the way to the kitchen. “Ma, this is San,” you say, formally introducing them. San smiles, stepping forward to shake her hand. “It's nice to officially meet you,” he says as Mason steps forward to proudly introduce himself before you could.
“And I'm Mason!”
Your mother smiles at him. “That's a lovely name, Mason. It's nice to meet you.” Mason thanks her with a smile which she returns before offering San two plates and asks him what they would like to drink.
“Just water is fine.” He makes Mason’s plate and gets him set up at the table before making his own. “Mom go ahead and sit down,” you say as you make her plate and place it front of her before you make your own.
You take the seat next to your mother, San is sitting to your other side. You all chat idly, talking about nothing in particular. San brings up the kitchen remodels and you perk up and start pointing and showing San where you wants the little alcove to go, not noticing your mother watching on fondly.
San listens before offering once again to help you, telling you that he can even draw up your idea for you to see before you starts on it. You give him a nod as your mother asks if he’s an artist and he laughs while shaking his head.
“No ma’am. Before having Mason I was in school studying to be an architect.” Your mother tells him that that is a good field. “If Y/N won’t accept your offer to help, I certainly will. If I left everything to her, this kitchen would be torn apart for months.”
Your cheeks burn, again with the blushing, telling you mother to hush with a slight slap to her shoulder. You all finish dinner, San offering to help clean up but you tell him absolutely not and that he should get Mason home since he’s falling asleep on your mother’s shoulder.
“You have a good point there,” he says while looking fondly at his son.
“I'll walk you out,” you announce before walking them to the door, San holding Mason. “Have a good night,” you say softly as San crossed the threshold. "You, too,” he says just as quietly.
“And thank you for dinner.”
“I'll have that drawing for your kitchen done soon,” he adds with a smile. You thank him and watch as they walk next door.
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A few days later, you wake to your mother knocking on you door. You tell her to come in, rolling on to your side to face the door. Your mother smiles before coming to sit on the edge of your bed, running a hand through your hair. You hum in content, asking her mother what’s up.
“The rest of your things are here. The van is waiting outside. You also got a package this morning. I sat it on the table by the couch,” she says fondly as she smiles down at you.
She leaves and you quickly get dressed and brush your teeth, not wanting to keep the moving van waiting any longer. You step out of the door, greeting the man waiting by the van. He greets you back, opening the back of the van revealing a few boxes. You thank him and you start to help him unload the van.
“You need any help?”
You turn to see San standing not too far away, arms crossed as he leans on Mason’s swing set. “Yes please!”
Once all of the boxes are out of the van, you pay the driver his tip and the man leaves. San lifts a box and asks you where to take it. You momentarily get lost in admiring the way his arms flex as he grips the box before shaking you head and giving him directions to your bedroom. You take a box and follow him.
“You can just set it on the floor at the end of the bed,” you instruct and he does as you ask before you both move to get more boxes.
Once all of the boxes have been put in you room, you offer him some water and he accepts. As you makes her way to the kitchen, he tells you that he will be right back. You watch as he walks out the front door, not being able to stop yourself for look at his ass as he walks away and continue into the kitchen to get his glass of water ready.
San returns soon with a baby monitor and a piece of paper in his hands. “Mason is asleep and I should still be in range to hear him if he wakes up.” He lifts the monitor as he speaks. He hands you the piece of paper and you take it, looking a little confused.
Looking at it, it’s the design of the kitchen. You're happy that it looks exactly like what you pictured. You smile at him. “San it’s perfect! You’re really talented!” The tips of his ears turn slightly red, causing you to giggle softly.
You suddenly remember the package you mother told you about and perk up, telling San that you’ll be right back as you go to get it. You bring it back into the kitchen, setting it on the table and telling San he can sit if he wants. He joins you at the table, making sure to set his glass on a coaster.
You grab a knife and open the package carefully. Once you gets it open, you pull out her new phone. You sigh in relief, going as far as to kiss the box. San laughs from across from you.
“I haven’t had a phone for a while and I’m so glad to have one again.” He asks if you broke your or something, and you go quiet for a moment. “No, I didn’t break it. I left it with my ex boyfriend when I left him.”
“I'm so sorry,” San immediately apologizes. “I didn't mean to pry.”
You brush his apology off, telling him that it’s ok and that it’s been a little rough, but you’ll be ok.
“Do you mind if I ask what happened?” he asks and you nod.
“Joshua and I were together for two years when my dad died. I didn’t handle his death well and closed myself off,” you start to explain, San listening patiently. “And then when my mother’s health got worse, I went to his office to tell him that I would be coming back home for a little while to help get her situated,” you continue, hesitating as you reach the catalyst for your leaving.
“I found him and his assistant... together,” you continue, not noticing the way San's expression shifted. “Apparently, Josh couldn’t handle me being so down and unavailable so he found someone who was,” the last part comes out a little bitterly but you are beyond caring.
You had been fiddling with your phone the entire time you talk, trying to get it up and running. After you finish talking, you look up to see San’s jaw clenched and a serious look on his face. “I’m so sorry that happened to you. You don’t deserve that shit. You deserve a hell of a lot better than that.” You tell him that it’s ok and thank him, ending in a small cheer when you get your phone ready to go.
You sit in silence for a moment before you look up at San.
“Could I ask you something?” San looks up at you and nods.
“Where's Mason’s mom?”
You notice how San stiffens a little but he relaxes. “So, I moved from Korea to study abroad. I told you already, but I was majoring in architecture and I was very excited to start my new life here,” he starts to explain.
“I met Anora in one of my classes and we really hit it off and started dating. After a year and a half, we found out she was pregnant.” You could hear it in his voice, the way he spoke about his son with such adoration.
“I was thrilled, but Anora was far from happy. Even though she really didn’t want to have Mason, but she stayed.” You can hear the sadness in his voice. “She decided after four years that being a mother wasn’t the life she wanted and she left right before his fourth birthday, almost a year ago.”
You felt your heart break for them. San sighs and continues. “I just felt like we needed a new start so I bought the store and the house and here we are,” he finishes his story to your stunned silence.
You stay silent for a moment before apologizing. “So, how is Mason handling all of this?” Your voice is soft and a little hesitant. San makes a face before answering. “He’s handling it well. Even when Anora was around, it was still pretty much the two of us. I stayed with her, hoping I could get her to fully accept Mason, but that was useless.”
You apologize again and San tells you that it’s ok. “Honestly, I feel like we're better off.” You nod in agreement. “I think can agree with that. I said it before, but you’re doing an amazing job at being a dad. Mason is a very lucky kid.” San smiles, looking down at his hands resting on the table. “Thank you,” he says. “I really appreciates that.”
“You're welcome,” you reply and without thinking, you reach across the table to give his hand a squeeze. There’s a beat of silence before you take your hand back and San clears his throat and nods his head toward your phone.
“So, do I get to be the first person to get your new number?” You laugh and nod, taking his phone to type your number into his phone. After you exchange numbers, San pockets his device and looks up.
“I should probably get back to Mason, even though I haven’t heard a peep from the baby monitor.” You walk him to the door, thanking him for helping with the boxes.
“Really,” he starts. “It's no trouble. We're neighbors after all. And isn't that are neighbors for?” he adds with a wink.
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Over the next month or so, San helps you get what's needed for the remodel, at a discount even though yourefused, and on weekends thetwo of get to work in the kitchen while Mason plays around with your mother. Mason's presence in your lives seems to brighten her mother's days and you have become very fond of the boy yourself.
San is a complicated story. You’re also very fond of him, perhaps too fond you think sometimes, and he seems to be equally fond of you. When you aren't talking in person, you’re texting. You’ve spent every weekend for a month working on the kitchen, often times working close together.
San teaches you the basics, even though you already know them but he doesn't need to know that. He's even taught you about how to get the grooves you want in the wood on the side of the arch way of the alcove. The fact that he stood behind you, chest to you back, to show you flustered you a bit. (But we don’t really need to talk about that. Nope. No need to talk about how you could feel the hard planes of his chest against your back. Not at all.)
By the time the kitchen is finished, it's the middle December with Christmas just around the corner. You stand in the entrance of the kitchen with San, looking around at the space the two of you have created. You’re absolutely in love with it.
“San I love it. Thank you so much!” You wrap your arms around his neck in a hug, surprising him. He just stands there for a few seconds before wrapping his arms around you in return, giving you a squeeze. He slightly buries his face in your neck. “There’s no need to thank me. I really enjoyed doing this with you.” His breath on you neck makes a shiver run down your spine, but you try your best not to let it show.
You separate, slowly, and look at each other for a moment before a squeal interrupts your moment. Mason comes running into the kitchen, crashing into you and hugging your legs. You laugh as you stumble a bit and bend down to give the boy a hug and a kiss on the cheek.
You don’t see the way San's eyes shine as he watches you with his son, happy you’ve clicked so well. Mason directs his attention to San “Daddy did you ask her yet?” . San shakes his head, a slight blush on his cheeks as you quirks an eyebrow up. “So the Christmas festival is next Saturday. Would you like to come with us?” You eagerly nod your head, gaining a smile from San and a giddy squeal from his son.
Your week is filled with emails for work. Joshua still sends you emails, but you rarely open them, more often than not, completely ignoring their existence. Not because you’re still hurt, you’ve moved on, but because you genuinely do not care to know what he has to say.
Though, a particular subject line draws your attention.
An email sent the day before. “See you soon” and you quickly click the email, reading it in a slight panic. Joshua goes on about he misses you and he just wants you to talk to him and that he’ll be coming to see you that upcoming weekend, the same weekend as a date you'd set up with San.
Your first thought is to go to the diner to talk to Lou.
You quickly put your shoes on, opting to drive to get there faster. You pull in to the diner parking, rushing to get inside.
“Lou!” Your voice is louder than you meant for it to be, but you don’t pay any mind to it. You notice how they diners enjoying their food look at you, but at this moment you really don’t care. Lou comes out of the kitchen, looking a little annoyed at someone yelling in the diner. His face changes as soon as he sees you and the panicked look on your face. He quickly discards his apron, yelling into the kitchen that he'll be back soon and ushers you to your booth in the back.
He asks you what's wrong, trying to keep the worry in his voice unnoticeable. “I got an email from Joshua,” you rush to explain. “It said that he was coming here this weekend. Before you even ask, I’m not worried I’m going to go back to him. I’m over that part of my life and I have moved on from him, it's just...” You pause and Lou takes the opportunity to finish for you.
“You really like San and don’t want Joshua to ruin anything before it can really start.” You nod, knowing that coming to Lou was the right choice. “I’m going to the festival with San and Mason on Saturday.” You know that you’re wearing a massive smile, but you have no embarrassment about it. Lou smiles back and you.
“Have you told him about Joshua yet?” His question throw you off a little, even though you should have known he’d ask. “I’ve told him that Joshua is my ex and how things ended between.” Lou nods for a moment.
“And the email?”
You shake your head. “I saw the email and came straight to you.” He smiles widely and you can tell that your confession has made him happy. “Peanut, you’re a smart woman. You know what you need to do.” You nod, knowing that he’s right. He usually is, it’s why you come to him. You thank him with a hug and leave, deciding to walk to the hardware store to talk to San.
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The bell dings as you walk in, and Mason yells your name and runs up to you. You smile down at him, picking him up and giving him a kiss on the cheek before asking where his dad is. He wraps one arm around your neck and points with the other, telling you that San is on the paint aisle.
You thank him with another kiss on the cheek as you set him down. You make your way to San, feeling a little nervous as you watch him look through paint swatches. “San.” You try to keep your voice from wavering, but you aren’t sure you succeed.
He turns to face you, his face breaking out in a wide smile. “I was looking at swatches, trying to decide what color would go best with the kitchen.” You can feel yourself smile, despite the anxiety flowing through your body.
“We need to talk,” you start, internally cursing yourself as you see a flash of panic cross San's face. “It's not like that!” you continue quickly. “But it is important.” San nods, searching your face, no doubt noticing how serious you look. “Okay,” he nods slowly as he leads you to his office while he calls out to Mason to tell him to go into the break room and play so he knows where he is.
“You can sit there if you want.” He points to the chair in front of his desk as he moves behind the desk, grabbing the chair there and bringing it to sit beside you, facing you. “What’s wrong?”
You take a deep breathe before speaking, trying to calm your nerves. “I was looking at my email today and when I noticed an email from Joshua.” You can see his jaw tense, but he says nothing, letting you continue. “He’s coming here this weekend.” Your voice drops in volume, almost sounding small.
San is quiet for a moment, seemingly in deep thought. When he finally speaks, his voice is quiet, matching the feel of your small voice. “Do you still love him? Are you planning to leave and go back with him?”
You feel sad that the thought even crosses his mind. You obviously haven’t been as clear showing your feelings as you thought you were. “No. I really like you, San and I don’t plan to leave. There was a time in my life when I wanted to escape this town, but I don’t want to do that anymore.”
You can see him visibly relax as he breathes put a sigh of relief and telling you that he feels the same and that you can deal with Joshua’s visit together if you wants or he can let you handle it. You don’t say anything, only thanking him with a hug and a kiss on the cheek, telling him that you should head back home.
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The closer it gets to Christmas, the stronger the urge to go into your father’s study gets. You talk to San about it as you text and he tells you that it's ok to still need time, but it's also ok to want to go into your father’s favorite place. He once again offers his help, telling you can be there for moral support if you needs and though you don’t tell him, you think that San is a great man and thank him.
Saturday comes quick and even though you’re anxious about Joshua’s arrival, you’re also excited about spending the evening with San and Mason. By dusk, Joshua still hasn't arrived and you hope that maybe he has changed his mind. You gets ready for the festival, deciding to wear jeans and a sweater.
A knock on the door has you almost sprinting down the stairs your thoughts swirling. You feel like a teenager waiting for her prom date. Opening the door to find San and Mason both giving you big smiles, you smile back and give them both hugs, unintentionally hugging San a little harder. “You ready?” San’s voice is light and cheerful and it makes your heart flutter. You give a nod and call out to your mother, letting her know that you’re leaving.
The festival is simple, a few decorations and booths with games and food trucks. Of course Lou has a stand with all of his best dishes and hot cocoa and coffee. The three of you stop by and you give Lou a hug, thanking him again in a whisper. He squeezes you in return, his way of telling you that you don’t need to thank him.
You grab a cup of coffee as San grabs both him and Mason a cup of cocoa each. As you reach into your wallet, preparing to pay, you notice San moving quickly to hand Lou money. Lou scoffs and tells him that there’s no way he’s letting them pay. You both try to argue, but Lou shuts you both down with his trademark eyebrow raise.
After getting your drinks, you walk around the festival a bit, stopping to play games when Mason finds one he wants to try out. By try out, he means that San has to play and try to win the toy Mason wants.
You hear your phone going off and you’re quick to grab it in case your mother needs you. You do find a text from you mom.
Mama: Honey, Joshua just came by looking for you. I didn't tell him where you were but just be on the lookout for him
Your breath catches, drawing San’s attention and you show him the message instead of speaking, not wanting to clue Mason in that there is a problem. All San does is grab your hand and gives it a tight squeeze before he wraps an arm around your shoulder, pulling you closer with a kiss on the top of your head.
You walk around a bit more, stopping to get Mason a corn dog when you hear your name being called. You stiffen. You knew that voice and would recognize it anywhere.
You're brought back to reality by San giving your shoulder a squeeze, silently letting you know that he’s there if you need him. The two of you turn around while Mason is preoccupied with his food and find Joshua standing and glaring at San.
San looks unfazed, other than the tightness in his jaw. Joshua steps forward, eye San before turning to look at you.
"Y/N, can we talk?” You notice how his eyes flicker over to San once more. "In private?” he adds.
You lean further into San's side, taking a deep breath and filling your nostrils with the scent of San’s cologne, which calms you a little.
“Whatever it is, you can say it say right here.”
Joshua narrows his eyes, heaving out a sigh before speaking.
“Fine,” he says softly. “You left me no choice. Since you refuse to answer my messages, I came here to see you.” You say nothing, letting him get it all out.
“Y/N, I’m so sorry, I’ll say it a million times if that’s what you want. I miss you so much. You’re all I can think about. Please let me make it up to you. I know I can do it if you’ll just let me.”
You stare at him for a moment, not saying anything. “No.” He looks taken aback and you take the opportunity to continue. “I don’t love you. I don’t hate you either. I don’t really feel anything for you. I’m happy where I am. I’m happy having San by my side.” San acknowledges you statement with a long kiss to you temple.
Joshua goes to take a step forward, only to be cut off by Lou. “I think the lady has said what she needs to say. It’s time for you to leave.” Joshua looks at you one more time, searching your face for any change of your mind before he begrudgingly leaves.
After the confrontation with Joshua, San decides that it's time for you to leave and he gathers Mason, who throws a tiny tantrum before listening to his father and taking his hand. You walk in silence for a moment, hands intertwined until San breaks the silence. “You ok?” You smile and squeezes his hand, looking into his eyes. “I’m great.”
When you get back to your house, you’ve accepted it as your home now and you’re proud to call it that, you ask San if he can help you with one more thing and he immediately agrees. You all enter the house, Mason immediately calling out to your mother.
“Nana! Where are you?” Both you and San freeze, eyes wide. This is the first time Mason has called your mother that. Your mother steps out of the kitchen, equally surprised, but she quickly schools her expression and opens her arms catching Mason in her arms as he jumps to her. You look at San, tying to gauge his reaction, only to find a soft smile on his face and he watches your mother with his son. You squeeze his hand and tilt you head toward the staircase and he follows you up the stairs.
You walk to the end of the hall, standing in front of the door of you father’s study. San kisses your temple before speaking. “Take your time, love. There’s no rush.” With one last deep breath, you turn the knob and open the door and you step inside while San waits in the opening of the door.
The room looks the same as it always has. Books are tucked neatly on the bookcase, your father’s large desk in the center of the room. You walks over to the desk, running your fingers over the top of the desk slowly.
There’s a thin layer of dust and it’s the first time you have every seen dust on the desk. Your father always kept his study perfectly clean. You look around at all of the pictures on the wall. There are pictures of your parents on their wedding day. A picture of your dad with his parents.
You notice a single frame on the desk and you carefully pick it up. It's a picture from the day you were born, your father holding you with a bright smile and tears in his eyes. Your own eyes start to teat up and you feel arms wrap around your waist from behind, San moving to prop his chin on her shoulder.
“It’s ok to cry if that’s what you need to do. I’m so proud of you for coming in here. That took a lot of strength. My strong girl.” Your stomach flips at him calling you his and you turn to kiss his check, San turning to face you at the same time and your lips meet The kiss is sweet and gentle, just barely there.
San turns to to face you completely, his hand coming up to cup you check before giving you another slow kiss as your arms wrap around him. The kiss only last a moment, Mason’s footsteps coming up the stairs making you pull apart.
He stops at the door of the study, quickly asking San if he can stay the night with Nana and San looks at you with a lustful glint in his eye. “If it’s ok with your Nana, I don’t mind.” The sound of San calling your mother Mason’s nana makes your heart skip a beat.
You follow Mason down the stairs, listening as he asks if he can stay the night. Your mother doesn’t even hesitate. “Of course you can, my little monster.” Mason laughs and hugs her legs with a squeal. She turns to you and San, immediately noticing your intertwined hands. She smiles at the two you and gives you a slight nod of her head.
San tugs on your hand gently, looking at you with both lust and care as he leads you out of the door and across the lawn to his front door. He quickly unlocks it, letting you go in first. As soon as he steps through the door, his lips are on yours and his arms are around you.
You fist his shirt, pulling him as close as you can get him. It feels like the two of you are kissing forever, like the only oxygen you need is each other’s breath. San’s hands slide down to your hips, pulling your further against him, moaning slightly when you bump into his already hardening cock.
He pulls away, eyes flickering between yours. “Do you want to go to my room?” You aren’t sure you’ve ever nodding so fast as you take his hand and follow him.
You're able to take a brief look around San’s room before his lips are back on yours. His kisses are soft, gentle as his hands slowly find your waist. He tugs you closer to him, it's obvious he can't seem to get you close enough. His hands slide down, firmly kneading your ass.
You moan against his mouth, giving him the opportunity to slide his tongue into your mouth. He takes the chance he's been given, immediately deepening the kiss. His wet muscle dances with yours, slow and passionate. He steps forward, softly pushing you backwards until the backs of you legs hit his mattress, pushing you further back to lie flat.
He separates from you long enough for you to scoot until you're fully on his bed, him immediately climbing on top of you and connecting your lips again. One hand rests on your hip as his other cups your face. He pulls back, just far enough to speak against your lips.
“You're so pretty.” His voice is a whisper, but you still manage to hear him, and you give him a smile and peck his nose. “So are you.” He smiles, rubbing his nose against yours as his hands fall to the hem of your sweater.
“Can I?” You murder a soft ‘yes’ and he doesn't hesitate to lift it over your head. He stares at you in silence and you feel like you should be self conscious, but you aren't. You just let him admire you.
“Gorgeous.”
You aren't sure he meant for you to hear his words, so you don't say anything in return, just let out a whine, prompting him to snap out of his daze. He brings his hands up to cup your breasts over your bra, his touch firm but still soft. He looks up to your face, quirking an eyebrow up and you nod and sit up, allowing him to reach behind you and unclasp what's between him and your bare skin.
He flings the fabric over his shoulder, not even bothering to see where it lands. His hands come back to your chest, gripping you once more. San gives your nipples attention, pinching them in between his thumb and forefinger, causing you to arch your back with a soft moan. The sound of your pleasure makes him let out a moan himself, obviously enjoying that you're enjoying his actions.
Leaning down, he wraps his lips around one of your perked buds, his tongue immediately making its presence known with a flick. His hand continues to massage your other breast.
After a moment, he switches sides. “San. Please. Need you.” Your voice is in a quiet whine, as much as you enjoy what he's doing, your core throbs with need. He pulls back, releasing your nipple with a pop. His eyes are blown out with last, but his gaze is still soft and caring.
He slides his hands down your body, finding the button of your pants and flicking it open. He backs off the bed, immediately falling to his knees as he grabs your pants by the hem, slowly pulling them down.
The tension in the air is thick and you can tell that he's enjoying the teasing nature in which he undresses you. Your pants find the floor like your sweater and bra. His lips are on your ankle before you realize what is happening, slowly kissing up your leg.
He places a barely there kiss on your clothed core before kissing down your other leg, only to stick the tip of his tongue to your skin and lick his way back up to your hip. The unexpected action causes you to shiver with want, and you look down at San only to find him staring back at you with a smirk.
He grabs at your panties, continuing his slow pace in pulling them down. Part of you wishes he would hurry, but the greater part is enjoying the build up. Once your panties are off, he once again takes a moment to just look at you.
Slowly, he brings a finger to your core, sliding it from your hole up to your clit. You let out a soft moan, his groan coming not long after. “Look at that, baby. You're soaking. I've barely done anything, love. Is this all for me?” His words shoot a jolt through your body, causing your core to throb even harder.
“All for you, San. All yours.” Your words seem to spur him into action as he leans forward, his tongue making the same movement his finger had. Your moan is louder this time, his own moan right against your pussy has you bucking up into his face.
His hands find your thighs, wrapping around them to speak you open for him. He brings the tip of his tongue to circle your throbbing bud while your hand finds its way into his hair. He hums against you, his way of telling you that he approves of what you're doing and you give a slight tug. You can see his hips buck against the mattress, prompting you to give one more tug.
He dives into you, sliding his tongue up and down your pussy a few times before coming back to your clip for a brief moment before repeating. Your moans echo throughout the room as brings his finger to your entrance, sliding on in slowly. Your hips buck on their own as he pulls back out, a second finger joining as he slides back in.
His mouth is working hard against you and his fingers search for a moment before they find what he's looking for. A loud moan rips from your throat as he pushes against the spongy part inside of you. “Right there, baby?” You only manage a nod and he goes back to eating your can't, doubling his efforts as his fingers speed up. Your mind is swirling as your orgasm builds. No one has ever been able to work you up this quickly.
You're babbling now, vaguely aware of what you're saying. “Feels s'good. Please. Please.” He pulls back just enough to mumble against your core. “Come on, angel. Let go. Cum for me.” The vibrations against you coupled with his already fucked out voice causes the dam inside you to burst as you coat his fingers. He works you through your orgasm, fingers slowing down as your high fades. You look down to find him staring at you in awe. You mumble for him to climb back onto the bed and he immediately grants your wish.
Your hands move with purpose as you pull him to you, grabbing his shirt and ripping it from his body. Your breath catches as you look at the ridges and planes of his chest. He's well built, looking like a man cut from marble. “Fuck.” The words come out breathy and as you look back to his face, you can see a slight blush.
You place a soft kiss on his lips as you push him gently to lie on his back. He offers no resistance, letting you move him as you please. You spread his legs enough for you to fit in between his thighs as you bend down to kiss down his throat. He lets out a soft whine when your lips find his chest and you take the opportunity to give him a slight bite and his hips buck upwards. You can feel his hardened length against you and your core gushes with a fresh wave of wetness.
Your hands find his jeans, making quick work of getting them off of him, pulling his underdogs down with them. His cock hits his stomach and for a moment you're in awe. He's above average, but not huge. Long and thick, but you can't help but think that's it's the prettiest dick you've ever seen. His voice draws you out of your thoughts. “Baby. Please do something. I'm dying here.” You give him a slight chuckle, cupping his election with a gentle squeeze. His moan is load and oh so beautiful.
You scoot yourself down until your face meets his cock, your tongue peeking out to give his tip a kitten lick. This time he whines, obviously not able to take the slow treatment he had given you. You lick from his balls to his tip slowly, circling your tongue around the mushroom head of his cock.
Without missing a beat, your mouth engulfs his length, sliding down as far as you can take. Your hand wraps around what your mouth can't fit and you slowly start to bob your head. Just as yours had done, his hand finds your hair, giving a slight pull and you moan around him.
His hips buck again, causing his tip to hit the back of your throat and you hold back a gag. You let him slowly buck into your mouth as words tumble from his mouth. “Oh god. Fuck. So warm. Feels so good.” You pull off of his length as his thrusts get faster and he whines at the loss of contact.
You sit back up on your heels, watching the way his chest rises and falls heavily. You make eye contact as you speak, wanting to see his every reaction to your words.
“Condom?” He scrambles to his knees, reaching into the drawer of his bedside table and pull out a foil packet. He rips it open with his teeth, moving to place the rubber around himself. You stop him before he can, taking it from him and sliding it slowly down his length yourself. His groan comes from the back of his throat.
Once the condom is snug around his cock, you push him back down, climbing on top of him. You slide his cock up and down your pussy, getting him slick with your juices. On the slide back down, you push his tip into you.
Your moans come simultaneously, making a beautiful song of pleasure. His hands find your hips as you rotate them, letting your walls adjust. “Wait. Baby, give me a minute.” His eyebrows are furrowed as he pants. After a moment, he gives your hips a squeeze, letting you know that you can move.
Lifting your hips, you rise and fall back down slowly, enjoying the way he feels inside of you. You keep your pace slow, wanting to savor every moment of pleasure. The more you move the more San whines. His hands are clawing at your hips, his nails leaving little marks on your skin. He's babbling again and you clench around him.
“So fucking good. Fit me perfectly. Like you were made for me.” You lean forward, placing your lips on his as your pace increases slightly. At this angle, the tip of his cock nudges the place you need. It isn't long before your hurling towards your second orgasm, San's name repeatedly falling from your lips. With one thrust from San, your falling over the edge with a moan.
San makes quick work of flipping you over, his length never leaving your core. His pace is faster than you had expected, but his strokes hit deep. You've had no time to recover from your orgasm, but the sensitivity you're feeling only improves the way you feel. San is letting out of string of grunts as his balls hit against your ass. Your nails are digging into his back as you hold on to him.
“You're so perfect. So glad I get to have you like this. Wanted this for a while. Dreamt about it.” It's like he can't stop talking and you can't say that it bothers you. His hips start to stutter as the tension builds in your belly.
“San. I'm gonna come again. Cum with me. Please, baby. Please.”
Your words seems to have the desired effect as he delivers one last hard thrust, your name leaving his mouth in a groan as he fills the condom. Your high hits you at the perfect time, syncing with his. He falls on your body for a moment, panting heavily as you both come down.
He slowly pulls out of you with a wince, looking down to see your cunt still slightly pulsing. He gives a sweet kiss to your clit, giggling and apologizing as you whine and try to back away from him. You watch as he walks to his bathroom, coming back with a warm cloth to clean you up. He takes great care to get you well cleaned. “You want to take a shower?” You nod and make grabby hands at him and he lets a loud laugh and connects your hands to pull you up gently.
The shower is filled with soft touches and even softer kisses as you clean yourselves. Once the water is turned off and you've dried yourselves off, San offers you one of his shirts and a pair of his boxers, which you eagerly accept.
You crawl into bed, finding yourself in his arms immediately. It's quiet, but comfortable. “So. You're mine now, right?” The fact that he even has to asks makes you giggle a little. Tilting your head up to face him, you place a kiss to his jaw.
“Yeah. I'm yours.”
Christmas the next morning is spent in your mother’s house, the four of you enjoying dinner and opening presents. And finally in your life, everything feels right.
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[ONE YEAR LATER]
A year flies by, bringing new challenges and experiences and you're beyond happy. You watch as Mason plays on the floor by the tree with your mother, who's helping him unwrap his presents.
“Mommy, look!”
Your heart soars at the boy calling you mom. You can feel San smiling as he stands behind you, arms around your waist. As you talk to Mason about his new toy, you don't notice the look your mother gives your boyfriend. Behind you, he smiles, slowly reaching into his pocket, trying not to draw your attention. Your mother smiles wide as she watches San pull the ring box out of his pocket slightly.
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570 notes · View notes
jaehunnyy · 4 months
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time's the charm | cs
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Genre: 'hate everyone but you' trope, angst, fluff
Word count: 2.3k
Pairing: quiet-boy!San x fem!reader
Warnings: San has a sad past (nothing triggering mentioned tho), mentions of running from home, sadness, toxic men, crying, some harsh words, misunderstandings, happy ending tho!!, possible grammar mistakes
Taglist: @shakalakaboomboo, @pocketjoong-reads, @nebulousbrainsoup, @justhere4kpop, @bluisheye93, @i-luvsang, @ad0rechuu, @starillusion13
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You had no idea when the quiet, ebony haired guy’s eyes started to form red hearts whenever they landed on you. You had no idea when he gathered the courage to look away from his phone, just so he could get a glimpse of your outfit that day, or your hair, anything when it came to you. You also had no idea that Choi San was capable of having feelings, and neither did he. That was the first time San pleasantly surprised someone.
There wasn’t much he knew about you. Aside from your not-so-good reputation around the campus, he also found out that you held the power to make his heart jolt in happiness, or whatever that feeling was supposed to be. The lingering feeling of warmth whenever he saw you was burning his skin, along with the electric arrows piercing through his spine—and he hated it. He hated that he couldn’t hate you, just like he did with everyone else around him. But he knew he brought it upon himself, and maybe this one time, he was willing to try and risk some things.
You, on the other hand, knew what the people around you wanted you to know about him. San didn’t talk to anyone except one person (the only person he called a friend, just because they were roommates), which is why you just let the guys in your class spill whatever harsh things they dreamt up whenever his headphones were covering his ears; except he wasn’t always listening to music, but also to the things they were saying about him—because what’s so great in lying is the not knowing.
Little did they know that instead of making you stay away from him, it intrigued you. You wanted to see behind the fluffy halo of black surrounding his head—you wanted to know the story of the blue streak that blended in between his black hairs, what music resonated through his ears every break, or what shop he preferred whenever he went shopping. Something told you there was something special about the guy. He was different from all the other ones you messed with, and as much as you didn’t want to hurt him, you were selfish enough to want him for yourself.
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Love did its wonders in the last few weeks, cause San didn’t know what had gotten into him when he grabbed the smallest piece of paper he eyed and a pen, writing a short note and putting it into your locker. It was like Cupid was controlling him or whatever, and as much as his nose scrunched at the thought of those lovey-dovey things, his heart swelled with pride. He just wanted to be looked at from a different point of view, he thought that maybe, you would look at him differently.
“San? Did you just put something into y/n’s locker?” his only friend, Yeosang, asked him with a frown on his face.
San looked at him with puppy-like eyes, as he was caught red-handed.
“San… what did I tell you when you transferred here?”
The black haired guy looked at the older boy, whispering in a tiny voice: “To stay away from her.”
“Well, it definitely doesn’t seem like you are too great at it.” His friend snapped, dragging him along the hallway.
“Yeosang, she makes me feel things no one else has, I don't even know how to describe it.”
“She will make you feel some unique things when she will break your heart too.” The blonde haired guy said and left, not in the mood to argue with his friend.
San felt small again. He hated everyone for the way they treated him—for seeing him as nothing less than a fragile thing who could break in any second. When he ran away at the age of fourteen, everything changed inside the once bubbly guy. He became quiet, indifferent even, or that was just the wall he built around him from broken memories and dirty past; cause deep down, he just wanted to be loved, despite hate being the only thing he knew how to offer.
You truly wanted to get closer to him. You admired how his head bobbed to the beat of the music he was listening to, or how his lips would form a pout when he got out of words when writing a note—the same love notes that continued to grow into a pile on your desk, bringing a lopsided smile on your face whenever you thought about the dimpled guy who sent them. You saw him sticking one of them a few days ago, yet you had too much fun seeing him like this—as the cold boy who had a soft spot for you; so you acted a fool.
You weren’t as bad as everyone claimed you were; you were just giving nasty men a taste of their own poison. Call yourself a femme fatale or whatever, but you just enjoyed seeing them crawl for forgiveness after what they did; yet your little act of service brought you a title as dirty as your actions, so you could just bear it in exchange for some healed hearts. You grew tired of the brokenhearted girls around the campus, so you just made their exes approach you enough so you could break their heart; you would call it playing the hero; except it wasn’t seen the same by the ones who sided with the villains of the story.
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The more time passed, the more you were getting infatuated with the quiet boy, as much as he was getting addicted to your intoxicating presence. You could say you two fell in love with the help of the innocent notes, hiding behind the sweet nothings plastered on the pieces of paper; and this little word game of yours gave San enough confidence, the moment he decided he was ready to ask you on a messy date. That was the second time he pleasantly surprised someone with his efforts.
You might be curious about who I am. Meet me today at 7pm in the park? ♡
You would have said yes, if only someone didn’t have a trump card. The moment San turned his back away from the lockers, the boy who had other plans for you took the note and stamped on it, before throwing it into the closest trash bin he found. He couldn’t let this date happen, and it sadly didn’t—which is why you weren’t aware of the guy waiting for you in the cold, tears threatening to stain his cheeks with the salty taste of loss. Was that all he was destined to? Pain? Where did he go wrong this time?
He waited and waited, and when the clock hit 9pm, he realized he should have probably listened to his friend. He was way out of your league—and still, your responses to his texts (though he supposed you didn’t know it was him), and the subtle smiles you threw in his direction, he thought that maybe, just maybe, in his world full of darkness and bad luck, you would be his lucky charm. He let out a bitter laugh the moment he felt the familiar wetness on his cheek, making him remember that instead of hating everyone but you, he should have stuck to hating everyone, including you. That was the moment he swore he would never waste his feelings on anyone, deciding that he was made to wallow in self-pity forever.
And as expected due to the circumstances, the notes stopped—and you were sad; that sad that you distanced yourself from your heartthrob activities, just to focus on the boy you grew to adore. But things changed—San changed. He didn’t look at you anymore, his once fond look turning into painful daggers whenever your eyes laid on him. His dimples were hidden deeply in his soft cheeks, making you wonder what happened. If it was your fault, if it was a false hope you had, if he was like the other ones. While you two were hurting each other with the lack of affection, the tragedy was happening under the eyes of the person who screwed it all.
You endured, and endured, until one day, you couldn’t endure anymore. When you finished your lectures, you followed San, stopping him at the nearest wall of the school and looking into his eyes.
“Why did you stop sending me notes? I liked them, San.” You whispered, looking for any sign of emotion on his face.
To say he was surprised that you knew it was him was an understatement—though it didn’t matter anymore. You were probably just trying to fool him again.
“I never sent you any notes. You must be mistaking me for someone else.” He said coldly, not even looking into your eyes. He was lying.
“I saw you sticking them to my locker, San. Please, tell me.”
He let out a scoff, followed by a mocking laughter.
“Why do you even care now? Are you going to tell the whole college now? That I am such a pathetic guy?”
“San, please!”
He looked at your pleading eyes, debating if he should give you an explanation or not. You didn’t deserve it, but his feelings made a step forward.
“Why would I try to hit on someone who would only laugh at me? You broke my heart—gave me hope, and then stamped on all my efforts to ask you out the moment you made me wait for you for two hours. And this isn’t even the biggest problem,” he paused, his sharp eyes laying on your confused face: “The problem is I can't even hate you for it. Because I know you deserve better; yet I still had some hope.”
Your eyes widened. What was this man talking about? While you were engulfed in your thoughts, he was ready to leave, but you were quick to grab his wrist, making him turn back to you, an annoyed expression on his face.
“San, let me talk.”
“About? I already know you don’t do relationships or anything, kind of learned it the hard way.” He said sarcastically, yet you knew he was as hurt as you were.
“If you truly like me, give me a chance to speak,” you begged, and you saw his stiff expression relaxing just a bit, a small nod of his head encouraging you to continue: “I don’t understand. What did you expect from me? You never asked me out!”
San frowned, knuckles so tense from the way he was clenching his fists.
“I literally did a week ago?”
You don’t recall receiving a note a week ago. You thought hard, but the last time you got a note from him, he asked you to expect something later. So, what if someone was sabotaging you, stealing the chance you had away?
“San, I didn't find any notes a week ago. I can show you all the notes I have if you want, I… kinda collect them.” You said, a small blush on your cheek—only that he wasn’t buying it this time.
And that’s when it hit you.
“San, wait—what if I never got the note? What if someone didn’t want us to happen?”
“Stop finding excuses to play with me.”
“San, I'm not, list—”
You were interrupted by a shuffling sound behind you, and that's when the culprit who was eavesdropping all this time appeared, a halo of fair hair surrounding his head as he looked down, drenched in guilt.
“It was me. I didn't want you to happen, because I was scared you would hurt my friend.” Yeosang whispered, head hung down in shame.
He never felt that small in front of San; it was always the other way around. But now, he felt like he did the wrongest thing ever, and he didn’t think he had any right to look his friend—or you, in the eyes.
“Yeosang…? Why would you even? You—you knew I was so into her, so… why…?”
“I know she hurts everyone she gets with. I wanted to prevent you from heartbreak.”
“I don't hurt anyone who doesn't deserve it. I just get revenge for my friends’ broken hearts by messing with their exes’ minds, and this might make me look like some sort of fuckgirl and whatnot, but this time, I fell in love. For real.”
San looked at you in awe, the light in his beautiful eyes shining again.
“Did you really?” he stuttered,
“I… I think I did, yeah.”
San wondered if it was too late to ask you out, again. And, as the invisible red thread of fate tied you to one another, you kinda read his thoughts.
“If you still want to, I would love to go out with you, Sannie.”
Sannie. The first nickname that got his heart running laps, along with the butterflies dancing a sweet dance of victory inside of him.
Yeosang’s eyes filled with hope, and he looked up at his friend, who gave him a small smile and patted his shoulder.
“Thank you for caring, Yeosang. But I am on my own now.” He said, before grabbing your hand and leaving with you.
This was San—the quiet guy who was pretending to hate everyone while waiting for the person who would look behind his intentions, who would see how much he craved to be loved and understood. He improved so much, and that was the third time San had pleasantly surprised someone—but this time, it would definitely not be the last.
After everything he had been through, he felt like the sun had finally risen on his street, the moment he first woke up with you in his arms. This was only the start of his journey to happiness, and he hoped it would last more than the suffering he went through in his twenty years of life.
Time’s the charm, and despite the hardships you two faced, he wouldn’t want it any other way. He felt invincible when he held your hand, happiness written all over his face, and he was sure that he wasn’t meant to cycle this beautiful trip alone, but with the love of his life by his side.
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536 notes · View notes
jl-micasea-fics · 11 months
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PROMPT DRABBLE
Prompt: ‘Your fingers feel so good.’
Pairing: San x female reader
WC: 766
Warnings: explicit sexual content, pretty intense fingering (f. rec), squirting, praise, g-spot orgasm, san is a doting softie and just wants nice things for you 🔞
©️ copyright jl-micasea-fics April 2022, April 2023
[DO NOT REPOST, TRANSLATE, PLAGIARISE OR OTHERWISE REPURPOSE THIS WORK. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.]
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“You’re doing so well. Just a little more.”
Praise from Choi San might as well be gospel. If you could have his sweet words printed and bound and stored on your shelf, you absolutely fucking would, because nothing gets you hotter or makes you feel more desired than when he showers you with his affection.
Your arm thrown over your face does something to muffle the whimpers of pleasure he’s coaxing from you, but largely, it’s moot. You’re more concerned about his housemates hearing you, though he doesn’t seem to be.
At all.
Propped up on his bed with pillows, soft and stable at your back, your legs tremble helplessly with San between them. He’s resting on his front, sharp chin in the palm of his hand as he observes you closely, intently. His other hand is decidedly busier.
His middle finger, slim and long glides into you at a lazy pace, the crooks of his joints crack every now and then when he curls it just so. The gentle squelch his motions make accompany your staggered breaths, your bitten moans, and he hums in delight when your lips part and brows pull together in desperate desire.
He's watching you like he’s not sure you’re real. Like this is an experiment, meant to test out what you like and don’t like; though he has that catalogued by now. His short dark hair is freshly washed, his narrow eyes dark with intrigue. The light from the bedside lamp casts shadows over the sharp planes of his jawline and nose. You find his fierce appearance to be an almost hilarious juxtaposition to his actual demeanour, for San is a notoriously giving person. Soft in all the ways that matter.
The pace is agonising. Every time he fills you, your centre burns with white heat, yet when he retracts, you’re left feeling pitifully empty. He doesn’t ask you how it feels, because he knows. Your body is telling him everything; the tension to your muscles and the way your toes curl as he adds his index finger alongside. The way your eyes pinch shut and your chest heaves for breath when he slides to the knuckle, curling his fingers around to press against your inner wall; your soft, spongy g-spot.
“Your fingers feel so good…” you whine into your forearm, biting down to supress a particularly forceful moan that wants out.
“Hush, baby. Don’t need to tell me. Just relax. Let me make you come, okay?”
Your disbelieving laugh trails to an appreciative gasp as he works up to a steady pace; still slower than you’d like, but the restricted movement allows you to feel every ridge of his fingers, every bump of his knuckles. You clench around him helplessly, greedy for more but only allowed what you’re being given.
“So beautiful. So wet for me,” he murmurs, hips canting with his own building desire against the mattress.
He presses against your g-spot again, holding the pressure whilst stroking you firmly, in a rhythm that builds on your need to release. You feel the peak building, an unfamiliar heat that feels eerily similar to a function you’d rather not visit in the moment, but it’s somehow more than that. Better than that. Deeper than that.
San presses a kiss to your trembling inner thigh, rests his head on you. He sucks the thumb of his free hand before using the pad to circle your throbbing clit tender and soft, wonderfully wet with his saliva.
“Fuck…”
You arch helplessly, clenching every muscle and contracting around his fingers as your soul seems to fall away from you, your nerves are singed with fire and pressure and everything else that builds to a peak in your core.
“I love you,” he whispers, spurring on your orgasm with the final little admission he knows you need.
You let go, neglecting the instincts that are telling you to hold on because the pleasure is simply too much, the pressure is simply too nice, and the resulting effect is nothing you ever believed you were capable of. Fluid spurts from you, warm and sticky as you release over San’s fingers, soaking the sheet beneath you. It takes any trace of tension with it, releasing the tight coil in your centre to a featherlight cloud.
San balks, leaning in to lap a taste of you for himself before smirking at you wickedly. Your chest tightens with embarrassment only to be replaced with bemused wonder as he traces his fingertips over your soaking pussy, entranced.
“You’re incredible,” he exclaims.
Says the guy that just made that happen.
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byeolbeloved · 2 months
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Make me forget -choi san
pairings 》 mafia!san x reader
genre 》 mafia!au, smut, angst, tiny fluff, forbidden love
warnings 》 mention of guns/violence/blood/abuse, cheating (not on reader,) sexual content, MINORS DO NOT READ
summary 》 choi san was a cold, feared mafia boss who knew nothing outside the world of gore and killing. Thats when he met you, the girl who showed him love. But what stands in his way between having you to himself is his arranged marriage. That still does not stop his feelings for you.
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Everyone feared San.
Apart from him being in the Choi family- one of the biggest mafia family trees in the world, San was a nightmare. His reputation was filthy ever since he was young. He trashed anywhere he’d step foot at, petrified whoever he spoke to and spat on his victims lifeless bodies after smothering their blood onto the walls- all with an emotionless look on his face.
But San feared you.
He feared you because of how lovable you were. How easy you smiled to people. How you’d drop anything you were doing to help people. How you cried at other people's pains. But most importantly. He feared how you weren’t scared of him. He knew if he were to ever pull a gun to your head, which god dammit he would pull it to his after, you’d smile at him. That smile that made his black heart excited. The only smile he could smile back to. The only time he smiled.
It was moments like these where he’d realise, although he has seen all the horror and gore of the world, he knew nothing about living.
Laying you down on your baby pink bed sheets, throwing some plushies that got in the way off the bed for you to pick up later. Your bright bedroom. Your simple quiet life contrasted his. His life of screams and gunshots. He liked it. He loved it. Because with you he felt like a man able to feel. Able to love.
He didn’t think it was possible for a human being to be this cute. The way you whimpered at his nibbles and breath on your neck. Your back arched, full body touching his when he played with your nipples. Your trembling hands gliding his back when he connected his lips to yours.
Cute was never in San’s vocabulary. But ever since that day he saw you at the cafe, serving pancakes to a customer with a bright smile, holding your belly as you lightly giggled, he used that word for the first time in his life. “Cute.”
His legs moved on their own. His hand pushed the door open on its own. Suddenly there you were right in front of him, the same smile on your face as you asked what he wanted to order. Although now, he could see the way your cheeks puffed up with a light blush, your nose scrunched when thinking about what to make him when he told you to order for him, the way your eyes sparkled. So shiny he could see his reflection through them.
His dirty, filthy, monstrous reflection.
But that was far from what you thought of him, after you handed him a cappuccino with a cat drawn on the foam with cocoa powder. “No need to act tough, I know you think it’s cute too” you told him with a giggle. And yes. He thought it was very cute. He thought you were cute. You wouldn’t think a man dressed in an all black, gelled back hair, tough build with sharp facial features could be in a cafe with pink wallpapers and flowers decorated on the walls. But for the next 4 weeks, San came to your cafe everyday. Ordered the same things. Sat at the same table. He’d stay until closing time and you two chatted anytime you weren’t preoccupied with other customers or cleaning up. He was surprisingly very charming and funny considering his dark visuals. You naturally felt comfortable with him which led you to venting about anything and everything to him. Whether it was about how you think mint chocolate is underrated or how complicated your love life is. He listened to everything. Soon later he started dropping you off at your house. Always walking you up to your apartment and occasionally giving you a kiss goodnight on your forehead.
San was never this slow with anyone. He could get any girl he wanted just from eye contact. But with you, he wanted to be proper. He wanted to feel you slowly, afraid he might break you from how fragile you were. He wanted all of you. But there was something that got in his way from that.
San was a married man.
“Did she…. Did she do this to you?” you said with a horrified expression, afraid to touch the burn mark on his back. San sighed sitting up from the bed facing you. “Y/N… it’s nothing, I’m okay” he gilded his thumb across your swollen bottom lip from your makeout session a minute ago. “San, look at your back! You barely got any skin left!” you lightly raise your voice in concern. “You’re not going back to that house. You can’t let her do these things to you San, you can’t!”
Park Seoyoon. Daughter of Mr.Park- one of the most feared Mafia leaders in the game. She was a fox. Elegant on the outside. Everyone loved her because she was so beautiful and bubbly. Her pale-milky skin stood out from her dark black hair. She was tall and slim. Her face was next-level beauty- although also 50% cosmetic. Everyone thought of her as the perfect wife. But under that mask she was nothing but a sly manipulator and abuser who got whatever she wanted.
Their fathers arranged their marriage for money and power. Which is why they are so respected as a couple in the mafia world.
San hated her. Despised her. She’d bring home multiple guys throughout the day. She threw water at her servants. Her voice was obnoxiously loud and annoying.
The beginning stages of their marriage Seoyoon tried her best at seducing San. Only to get ignored by him so she did everything to ruin his life. She knew he could not fight back at her, because one word to daddy and San would be dead meat.
First it was teasing- hooking up with his friends and purposely getting herself into trouble. Then verbal abuse- which didn’t do much to him since San never reacted to harsh words so it quickly turned physical. Her tantrums included throwing plates in his way but this time was too far when she threw boiling hot water at him neglecting whatever she said she wanted.
“I want to help you Sannie…” you felt helpless seeing him come home with bruises you couldn’t stop him from getting.
“You’re doing enough Y/N, being in my arms is enough baby” he pulled you from your waist to move closer to his body, never breaking eye contact with you he tangled his hand into your hair. He has you on his lap now slowly grinding your bodies on one another.
“W-wanna make you feel good” your voice was above a whisper, gently gliding your nails on the back of his neck sending shivers down his spine.
“Make me forget Y/N… Make me forget her and show me you’re mine” he says before clashing his lips onto yours, not roughly but passionately with hunger, as if he has been starved from your touch for decades.
Clothes were off in seconds. Both of your body heat grinding on each other could start a fire. A fire that will destroy the world. Destroy this world for not allowing you two to write your story. For not allowing him to hold your hand out in public and show you off to all his friends. For not allowing you to show him off. For not allowing you to plan your kids names and whose eyes they’re going to have. San could burn the world for you. Maybe it would be better for you two. Maybe you could finally do the things you wanted to do.
That fire could turn the world into the sun after you slowly slide yourself on him. Adjusting to his length you rest your forehead on his and whisper “Use me San… I w-wanna be yours in every way…c-claim me.”
Without another word he pushes you up, only to guide you down again causing your whole body to shudder. This goes on till he’s now thrusting into you from below, grunting at every thrust.
Your body rocks at every thrust, holding onto his shoulder for support, hair bouncing as he moves the strands from out of your face, looking at you with nothing but pure love in contrast to the lustful movements he’s doing beneath you.
“You’re so good to me Y/N fuck mine. mine. all mine yea I don’t deserve you like this fuck”
He doesn’t mean it. San has never felt insecure in his life. But part of him hurts knowing he can’t be a normal lover to you. It hurts him that he can’t live a normal life with you- because his life is far from normal. You’ve told him many times in the past how you don’t care. You like the way things are between you two. Because you love him and that's enough for you. But part of him can’t believe he could ever be loved.
“I love you San” you manage to get out between moans. His pace is now rough, fast, hard. Your walls are clenching onto him. Afraid he’ll slip out. Afraid he’ll go. Afraid it’ll end. But he holds you. He pulls you closer to his chest, face in the crook of your neck as he bites down.
“I love you my Y/N”
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301 notes · View notes
moonseonghwa · 11 months
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Repetition - Choi San
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part two to rewind
word count: 3k
warnings: soft dom!San, sub!reader, messy friends with benefits, unprotected sex (don't please), oral (m. receiving), orgasm denial? praising (lots of it)
ateez masterlist buy me a coffee?
︵‿︵‿︵‿︵。・:*:・゚★,。・:*:・゚☆ ︵‿︵‿︵‿︵
You waited in the cafe down the street, your fingers tapping on the dark brown wooden table subconsciously as you were listening to the bustling atmosphere. The coffee shop was just next to campus, making it a hotspot for students that were on the edge of their seats, studying for the midterms which were currently pressuring you just as much. 
You, in contrast, were waiting for your best friend to show up. Already having ordered his iced americano, with a brownie on the side, you noticed the familiar grey coat through the window, before the man entered the cafe. He spotted you, waved, before walking to your table. He was dressed in light-washed jeans, a white t-shirt, and the grey coat he likes the most. The grey coat you chose for him went you went shopping together. 
You smiled at him, closing your laptop as he sat down. “Hey” He said, giving you a high five. 
“How was the exam?” You asked, pushing your laptop into your bag before leaning your head on your hands, giving him full attention. 
“Awful, think I failed this one” He pouted, smiling after he took a sip of his coffee. “This coffee is good, how come we’ve never been here before?”
You and San usually go to another spot to drink coffee together. You live with him, but with both of your busy schedules you don’t actually see him that much, so you both agreed to do something together. He called it ‘quality time with my favourite person’ and you wondered if he really meant the words. 
San was a person that didn’t enjoy change too much, in contrast to his late-night rendezvous which did change every time. You’ve known him for a long time, but he still remains a mystery to you. A person that says A then follows his words with an action that screams B. You don’t mind though, you like figuring it all out. Figuring all of him out.
And in contrast to the man sitting in front of you, you loved change. 
“Just saw this place yesterday, I believe it opened last week” 
He hummed. “How’s the assignment?” 
“A mess, I could’ve just handed in something blank” You sighed, falling back against your chair.
“We’re both doomed then” He chuckled, making you smile at the dimples showing on his cheeks. 
You two actually hadn’t talked about what happened after that day, not knowing how to initiate another action, probably too scared to give in to the tension. You sometimes go back to that night in your head, imagining the feeling of his fingers on your skin and his lips on yours, wishing he was with you when you couldn’t get yourself to feel that amount of pleasure again. 
You did notice that San hadn’t brought another girl to your apartment, either he stopped bringing them, or you just didn’t notice when he did.
“Y/n?” You were pulled out of your thoughts. 
“Hm?” 
“I asked if you want to head back to the apartment to study in there, I didn’t bring my laptop.” He said, emptying the cup after you nodded, feeling your cheeks burn at your thoughts. 
-
Back at the apartment, you made yourself tea first. 
It has been raining for the past week, and the apartment was toned dark and cozy now. San bought scented candles, and he lit them up immediately after you got back.  He loved scents, which was evident in the kinds of colognes he owned, each with its own vibe. Each matches an aspect of his personality. 
With the tea ready, you placed one glass on the coffee table for San, him thanking you before you sat down on the couch, burying yourself in blankets as he sat on the floor in front of you, typing away one of his own assignments.
You were too exhausted to study, so you spend your time watching a drama on your phone. With the number of blankets on, you still felt your body freezing, so you got up, heading towards the bathroom to take a hot shower. 
‘’Where are you going?’’ He said, already missing your presence close to him. 
‘’Shower’’ You said, closing the bathroom door behind you after you got some clothes out of your room. 
You sighed when the warm water hit your tense muscles, turning the knob a bit hotter, making steam cloud the bathroom.  It was the best feeling, a hot shower after a long cold day. 
After a good thirty minutes in the shower — which you desperately needed, in your defense— you stepped out of the shower. The bathroom mirror was fogged as a result, and you brushed your teeth after blow-drying your hair (and the mirror, too). 
With a fresh pair of clothes, you walked out of the bathroom, straight into your own room as you were ready to wind down for tonight. You and San had picked up dinner earlier on the way to the apartment, and with the clock hitting 8 p.m you started finishing up some assignments in your bed.
A few hours later, you felt yourself grow hungry though. So you peeled off the blanket, making your way to the kitchen. San wasn’t in the living room, probably asleep as he needed it for the exams tomorrow. 
You made yourself cereal, eating it while leaning on the counter as you scrolled on your phone, before hearing San’s door open. You looked at him, hair messy and pajama pants on. 
‘’We meet again’’ You chuckle at his comment, taking another bite of your cereal. You tried to hide how your mind flashed back to that one night, and what happened in particular. 
‘’Hungry too?’’ You asked, turning your body around to face him as he grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge. 
‘’Just thirsty’’ He said, eyes lingering on you a bit too long for you not to notice and you saw them drop to your lips for a few seconds before he put on a smile and started walking away. 
You hummed in response, going back to your finishing your food when you heard him enter his room again. 
Back in your room, you couldn’t help but think about him again. He looked extra good tonight, and you felt yourself grow needy for his touch. 
And as if he felt your pull, you hear a knock on your door. ‘’San?’’ You asked, surprised at him entering.
‘’Can I join you?’’ He asked, making your eyes widen as you struggled to speak. You kept quiet for a bit, feeling as if minutes were going by before you uttered out the words. 
‘’Yeah, sure’’ 
He smiled at you, getting in bed as he took your form in his arm. He was warm, you wondered if he ever felt cold with his body temperature. 
You were a bit shocked, wondering where the change of feelings came from. ‘’You okay?’’ 
‘’Yeah, just needed this’’ He placed a kiss on your neck, lingering his lips on the spot a bit longer. Your breath hitched, feeling your body on fire as his hands were on your skin. You sighed, pulling him closer. You pulled the blanket over him so he was covered too, as his lips were pressed against your neck.
‘’Have you been…thinking about it?’’ Your voice was barely above a whisper, as you felt him smile in your neck. 
‘’About what?’’ He teased.
‘’You know, the other night’’ 
There was no way he didn’t, with the way he lingered around you the past days, almost not leaving your side whenever you were together with him. 
‘’I think about it more than friends should’’ He replies, towering over you as he held your chin in his palm. ‘’Late at night, when I figure you’re already asleep, or even in class when I get a text from you’’ 
His lips ghosted over yours, brushing against them but keeping enough distance so you weren’t able to kiss him. His other hand was around your waist, slowly bringing your bodies closer to each other. You could feel him growing against you, making you sigh as your eyes fluttered close. 
‘’What do you think about’’ You asked, breathing heavily. 
‘’The way your skin feels against mine’’ He started, his fingers brushing down to your lower back. ‘’The way you clench around me when you’re about to come, and what it’ll be like when I can have you shake under my touch again’’ 
‘’Do you think about it, baby? Does it get you off?’’ He added, a teasing smile on his face. 
You shook your head no. ‘’Only you can get me off’’ You said, looking in his eyes to see them darken. 
‘’Yeah? Only me?’’ He whispered against your lips, ‘’You’re mine, then, right?’’ He placed a peck on your lips, and you almost moaned because of his words. 
‘’Say it, baby’’
‘’Yes, all yours’’ You whined, not able to lean in more because of his fingers holding your chin back. ‘’Please kiss me, San-’’ 
He pressed his lips against yours, hard. The grip on your waist kept you steady as he devoured your lips as if there was no next time. You were only wearing a t-shirt and panties, so it was easy for him to open up your legs, settling between them as he slowly started grinding into you
His hand went between your legs in no time, opening them up and humming in delight when he felt how wet you were. Without a warning, he pulled down your panties, taking them off you easily. 
His finger gathered the wetness before moving to your clit, stimulating there as you moaned into his mouth, struggling to focus on kissing him as you was making you feel so good already. The pent-up sexual frustration finally seemed to settle down, making it feel so so good. 
You pulled down his sweats and underwear before your hand wrapped around his erection, jerking him off lazily as he breathed out a sigh against your mouth. You noticed how much your touch affected him, wanting to hear more of it as you slowly pushed him backward, noticing his surprised face at your sudden moves. 
‘’What are you doing?’’ He asked.
‘’Want to taste you’’ 
You got down on your knees, making him shift in position so he was sitting on the edge of the bed. Holding his thighs, before tracing your hand over the tattoo right above his knee your head went up to his tip, teasing slowly with kitten licks as he threw his head back. 
One of his hands went to the back of your head, the other one behind him on the bed as he moaned out at the contact.
 He was painfully hard, just looking at you on your knees for him, ready to take him as your mouth wrapped around his length.
‘’Good girl, fuck, just like that’’ He praised as you started bobbing your head up and down, taking him as far as you could without gagging. He was big, so it was hard not to. 
You twirled your tongue around the tip, igniting a low groan from him that went straight to your core, before wrapping your hand around the part your mouth couldn’t get to.
He held your head steady as he slowly bucked into your mouth, mumbling a quick apology. 
You looked up at him, and he swore he almost came on the spot when you swallowed around him while making eye contact. 
‘’Fuck, don’t do that or I’ll come’’ He grunted, trying to keep composure as you tried your best to take more little by little.
‘’Come in my mouth, need to taste you’’ You said before focusing on his tip with your mouth as your hand did its work on the rest of his length. He looked so good, all fucked out because of your mouth, his wet hair falling on his head after he ran a hand through it. 
You took him once again, tip hitting the back of your throat as you slightly gagged around him, making you moan out as he felt the vibrations. ‘’Y/n, ah, gonna come’’ 
‘’You sure I can come in your mouth?’’ The need for consent made your heart warm as you hummed around him, spurring him on even more before his breathing intensified, whimpers leaving his mouth as he shot his load down your throat, moaning in bliss. 
You swallowed all of it, making him lean down as he placed a lustful kiss on your mouth. 
‘’You did so well, hm?’’ He praised, before helping you get up. 
You kissed him again, wrapping your arms around his shoulders as you sat on his lap. He hummed in delight, before swiftly shifting you two, sitting back with his back against the headboard as his hand fell on your ass, pulling it back as his tip teased your entrance. 
‘’You want me now, huh?’’ He said, making you whine out a yes as you pushed your hips forward. ‘’Yeah? My good little girl wants a reward?’’ He massaged your ass, grinding your folds against his length as you were even able to get off like this. 
You didn’t expect him to enter you so quickly though, feeling all of him inside you as he stretched you out. ‘’Answer me’’
‘’Yes, Sannie, please’’ You moaned, grinding against him as you felt him slowly move inside you, making your head fall back at the overwhelming pleasure. 
He pushed you deeper into him, holding your waist steady as he started thrusting up from beneath you. He was insane, it made you crazy. His hand went up to your cheek, thumb placed against your lip before pushing it inside your mouth, making you moan as you looked into his eyes, taken over by pleasure. 
He kept the pace, speeding up a bit when your moans got louder, igniting you got closer to the edge. He pulled the thumb out of your mouth, making you drop your head on his shoulder when he used it to rub slow circles on your clit. 
He ground into you slower, the pace making you feel him everywhere. He kissed you, pushing in his tongue, silencing your moans as you could feel your high approaching. 
‘’Hold it’’ He ordered, making you bite your lip as you struggled to. 
‘’I can’t’’ You whimpered, not able to stop the pleasure, and you felt the high dangerously approaching, trying to focus on holding it back but failing miserably. 
He stopped moving, feeling you clench more and more as it let him know you were almost too close, leaving you whining as he pulled out of you before turning you around, placing you on the bed and placing your lips on his. He kissed you intensely, before slipping inside again and continuing the circles on your clit. 
‘’Ah- San, please let me-‘’ You weren’t able to finish the sentence, too consumed by the pleasure. 
‘’Come’’ He simply said, snapping his hips into you faster as you let out a string of moans of his name. The pace was brutal, but delicious as it was exactly what you needed right now, to let him fuck the stress out of you. 
You let the pleasure take over, finally able to release as he stilled inside of you, grinding you through your orgasm as he kissed your throat. With a few more snaps of his hips, combined with the clenching you did around him and the beautiful moans of yours filling his ears, he came deep inside of you, painting your walls white with his come. 
Your breaths were heavy, coming back from the extreme high you just had. San pulled you closer, placing a kiss on your lips as he smiled against them. Your heart swelled at his soft touch, stroking your sides in an attempt to soothe your sore skin.
‘’You did so good’’ He said, placing another kiss on your cheek, making you blush as you hid your face in his neck. Skin-to-skin like this felt like you were lovers, two people who shared this kind of intimacy to another level. 
He pulled out of you a few minutes later, making you wince. He left the room, and your eyes were fighting to stay open. When he came back, you had failed, flinching at the feeling of a wet towel between your thighs. 
‘’Just cleaning you up’’ He said, before walking back to throw the towel in the laundry. 
‘’Wanna sleep in my bed? We should change these sheets tomorrow’’ He chuckled, making you nod with a smile on your face as he pulled you up in his arms, carrying you to his room before handing you one of his shirts to wear, just like you always did. 
He crawled in beside you after he put on fresh boxers, before pulling you close to his warm body. 
And you hated it, but you could feel yourself leaning into him more and more, every day you spent with him. He was your best friend and someone who knew you best, so you just hoped that this whole situationship wouldn’t affect your feelings towards him enough that it would eventually hurt you or him. 
But maybe it was already too late for that. 
@atxxzist surprise🤭
931 notes · View notes
beomcoups · 7 months
Text
Middle Of The Night
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𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: ex-boyfriend!San x reader
𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: lil fluff, angst, smut, fwb, pwp
𝐑𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠: R (18+)
𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: kissing, oral (m and f receiving), unprotected sex, carrying, doggystyle, swallowing, facial, multiple orgasms, reader is stubborn as hell
𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬: 2.4k
𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: You are on an annual girl's trip with one simple rule: no men allowed. But it's the middle of the night, you are lonely and it so happens San is nearby. Maybe you will give into temptation with a chance of being caught, but it'll be well worth it.
𝐀𝐍: I was listening to "Middle Of The Night" by Monsta X and it made me want to write something loosely based off of it. Thank you to @the-boy-meets-evil for taking this up for me at the last night 💞.
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It’s 2:06 a.m., and you can’t sleep. Your body is restless, your mind thinking of a million things per second, your heart beating fast as you hold your phone. You send him a four-worded text message, knowing it’s not a good idea. But your body wants what it wants. Can you come over? You set your phone down, pacing back and forth in your room for the weekend as you await his response. When it comes to love and stupidity, it goes hand in hand for you. San isn’t the guy that you can be with long-term. You’ve been there, done that many times, yet when it’s late and you feel lonely, he’s the first person you call. Your phone buzzes a few minutes later, and you eagerly read his response. You don’t need to ask. I’m on my way.
A smile spreads across your face, and you hurry into the shower, scrubbing yourself clean with your favorite scrub that smells like brown sugar and vanilla. You hastily dry and lotion yourself, throwing on a pair of jogging shorts and a white T-shirt. San was only thirty minutes away; you didn’t want to keep him waiting. You’ve done this song and dance enough times that you don’t need to get all fancy just to see him. He’s always liked you however you want to be. This is supposed to be a girl’s only week with your best friends from high school. You take an annual trip with each other every year, making a pact to travel the world together before you settle down and get married. You took care of the travel arrangements, Shayla was in charge of the food, and Gia took care of the entertainment. You might have booked this place because you knew he would be nearby on business, but you will never admit to that… out loud anyway.  You peek out of your room, listening to hear if anyone else is awake; the only thing heard is the wind chimes swaying on the balcony. Thankfully, the rooms are nowhere near each other, so you can sneak San in without being caught. Carefully closing the door, you plop on the bed, waiting for the minutes to go by. You purse your lips together, trying to suppress your silly grin but failing miserably. He gets you excited like no one else can, and every time you want to leave him alone, one of you ends up reaching out to the other. You wouldn’t know what to categorize your relationship besides friendly exes with benefits. It’s complicated. 
Your phone buzzes in your palm, and you swipe up your screen, sitting up quickly. I’m outside. 
The anticipation of seeing him gives you chills all over. You sneak out to your balcony, looking over the ledge and seeing him park his car. He steps out with a white tank and grey jogging shorts, looking comfortable in black slides as you two make eye contact. His soft smile and awkward wave bring you back to the first time you met, rubbing shoulders with one another on a train headed to the city. “Hey,” you whisper. “I gotta sneak you in because it's girls' week.” San chuckles, knowing all too well what girls' week entails and how your best friends would have your hide if they knew he was here. You quietly leave the balcony and your room, tip-toeing down the hallway until you reach the door, letting him in quickly.  “Hi,” his murmur melts you like butter. “I missed you.”
“I know you did,” you taunt, touching his lips. 
Kissing him was like a forbidden sin, something you knew you shouldn’t be doing, but the instant gratification you felt was well worth it. Walking backward to your room, you clumsily open the door, falling on top of each other in the bed. Your hands caress each other’s bodies as you explore one another, taking off every article of your clothing. You look at him, remembering a deep affection you once had for each other that could’ve been great. A past that seemed so long ago, but here you are, entangled in bed with him.
“Is that a hot tub?”
You nod, following his gaze to the balcony, looking at the private hot tub that came with the master suite.
“Do you want to get in?”
You hop out of bed, naked and thankful that you forgot to turn it off. You slowly exit the sliding door, dipping your toe into the tub first before going right in. You feel San entering behind you, holding your waist as you guide him to the middle. The heat from the tub was no match for what you two felt for each other, the hellfire passion taking over your bodies. He grabs a handful of your ass, his slender fingers sliding to your front until they settle on your clit.
“You’re going to have a hard time being quiet tonight,” he says lickerishly.
“Oh yeah?” you smirk. “Show me.”
San groans and lifts you out of the tub, setting you on the edge. He opens your legs wide, wasting no time as he goes in on your hot sex, hungrily lapping at your sweet heat. You bite your lip as a weak way to muffle yourself, your hands grasping his hair tightly. He makes you feel so filthy and sexy, willing to risk getting you caught with his head in between your legs. He sucks harder on your clit, your arousal dripping from the corner of his mouth, and you can longer hold back. You call his name repeatedly as you ride his face, your release coming hot and heavy. 
“I want you to cum for me like a good girl, okay?” He commands, slipping two digits inside your wet cunt. “Can you do that for me?” You nod quickly, your body tingling and legs shaking as he thrusts his fingers deep inside you. “I need to hear you say it.” He grunts. “Say you will.” San returns his lips to your throbbing clit, flattening his tongue against it, a trick he knew would make you undone. “Yes!” You cry out. “I will.” Your entire body shook from your release, your hand covering your mouth to hide your screams. San groans in your center, licking you clean until you can’t take anymore. Slowly rising, he kisses you passionately, your taste on his lips. “Told you,” he teases. You roll your eyes, pushing him off you and dipping back into the water. The combination of coming down from your high and the tub's heat leaves you dazed and thirsty. You tell him you will be back, drying your body off quickly before returning to your room. You throw on a T-shirt and sneak into the kitchen. Rummaging through the fridge, you settle on two light beers, surreptitiously shutting the door. However, to your surprise, you didn’t expect Gia to be right behind you, bumping into her. “Can’t sleep?” Gia yawns, stretching her arms out of her robe. “Y-yeah,” you stumble over your words. “Just grabbing a couple of beers to get me tired.” Before she could speak, you bolt out of the kitchen and into your room, locking the door this time. Exhaling deeply, you turn and find yourself facing San: wet, naked, and fully hard. He shouldn’t have caught you off guard, taking your breath away at the mere sight of him. It’s nothing you haven’t seen before, and you’d think you would be used to it, but the sweet spot between your legs says otherwise. “You had me worried you ran away.” You shake your head, setting one beer down on the dresser while opening the other. You take a couple of gulps before he takes it away, replacing the bottle on your lips with his kiss. His hands slide underneath your shirt, squeezing your breasts and rubbing your nipples. Your back is now against the wall, your body completely at his mercy. “Hey,” Gia’s voice booms through the door. You gasp in shock, and San stifles a giggle, with you hovering his mouth with your hand to keep him quiet. 
“Y-yeah,” you croak. You see the door knob rattle, and you were sure your heart would drop to your ass at any moment, but you remembered that you locked the door. You sigh in relief, watching San stroke his cock in front of you. “I was going to watch Angel on TV and make some popcorn. Do you want to join me?” You would’ve answered no immediately had San not lifted your leg and slid his tip inside you. “Do you want to join her?” He whispers in your ear. “Do you wanna watch tv, or do you want to cum for the second time tonight?” San suddenly thrusts into you, making you sigh out loud. Your hand holds onto the dresser for balance, his pumps getting deeper and making you cream. He is sick for this. ‘You better say something before she gets suspicious.” You are temporarily snapped out of esctasyland, clearing your throat to sound as normal as possible. “N-no,” you fight to speak without moaning. “I’m gonna drink and turn on some sleep waves on the speaker. Have fun!.”
“Alright,” Gia responds. “I’ll see you in the morning. Good night.”
He wastes no time, lifting your other leg and pumping into you harder and deeper, your nails digging into his back. Your hips move in sync with his, your tight cunt tightening around his fat cock. You could kill him right now for almost getting you caught, but you’d rather fuck him instead.
“Keep fucking me like this,” you grit your teeth. “I need your fat dick inside of me.”
“With pleasure.”
He slips out of you, carrying you to the bed and setting you on the mattress. Before you could react, he has your head deep into the pillows, taking you from behind with your hands pinned behind your back. Thanks to the excellent quality pillows, your moans are muffled, but the headboard banging against the wall is not so kind. This is why you can’t leave San alone; he opens you up and makes you want to live a little. There is no bullshit with him, and everything is on the surface. It’s one of the reasons you fell in love with him, with his fantastic dick being too addictive to let go. He fills you with an insatiable lust that can be filled by anyone else, not that you haven’t tried filling that void. 
“Oh fuck,” he breathes. “I’m close, baby.” Your nails dig into your blanket, your release coming quicker than you realized. A deep, body-shuttering tingle turned into shockwaves, your orgasm coming through hard. Tears of joy stain your face and pillowcase, your legs shaking uncontrollably. All you could do was whimper in the pillows, entirely at San’s mercy once again. “I’m gonna cum,” his throaty warning barely audible. “Come here.” He steps back, vigorously stroking as you plop off the bed and kneel before him. He grits his teeth as his load comes hot and heavy, coating your face and tongue. Watching him utterly helpless because of what you do to him fills you with deep satisfaction. His eyebrows furrow focused on serving your mouth with him, and you happily suck him until his legs shudder. Exhaling deeply, he pulls you up and kisses you affectionately, a lingering touch on your lips that you will remember for a long time. You wish you could say something to him at this moment. You want to pour your heart and tell San that you still have feelings for him. You want to quit this cat-and-mouse game with him and be with him for real now. No more games or sneaking in in the middle of the night. Maybe post-nut clarity will hit you later, and you’ll regret it, but at least he’ll know, right? “How long will you be in town?” San asks as he slips on his boxers. “A week,” you answer slowly. “Why, what’s up?” “Just wondering if I need to be on standby in case you text again.” You cut your eyes playfully, rummaging through your drawer and finding a pair of underwear and a facial towel. You clean off your face and prepare for a shower, but you notice he is about to leave. Usually, when you are together, he stays the night and, call it a force of habit, but deep inside, you want that again. If only you could put your pride aside and tell him how you feel. “Hey,” you saunter over to him. “Maybe at the end of the week, I could stay a couple of days, and we could hang out?” Your nervousness eats at you from the inside, but you power through. “That’s if you don’t have plans or anything, of course.” San ties the drawstring on his shorts as he contemplates your proposal. You already feel like an idiot, suggesting something more when he doesn’t respond right away. You have a virtual egg on your face now, and you just want to crawl into bed and hide until he leaves. “Yeah,” he finally answers. “I would like that. But you’re coming to me this time.”
The dark tone in his voice excites you despite the aching pain in your thighs. Noticing he is ready to leave, you peek out of your door, listening to see if Gia is still up. You can hear growls and shouting from the TV, and you motion for him to creep down the hallway, just passing the living room. Your adrenaline pumps as you get closer to the front door, determined to not get caught as you sneak out of the house. The slight summer breeze is refreshing, and the smell of rain is imminent. You gaze at San one more time, walking him to his car, trying hard to ignore the pit you will feel in your heart for missing him. “Call me if you want to do that, okay?” San murmurs. “I would love to have you to myself for two days.” “Okay.”
He kisses you goodbye, his hands cupping your face. It was the sweetest kiss you’ve ever had, your stomach filled with more butterflies than before. It took for the summer breeze to pick up for you to break you two apart, bringing you back to Earth. All you could do was smile as he drove away, going in the opposite direction he came. You aren’t sure what the future will hold for you two, but you are glad you kept your feelings to yourself for tonight. 
673 notes · View notes
bro-atz · 6 months
Text
absence makes the heart break
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in which: san broke your heart when he suddenly left you, and just when you've finally moved on, he reappears in your life in a way you couldn't even fathom in your wildest dreams
pair: san/afab!reader (ft. wooyoung/afab!reader)
word count: 8k
content: a lot of angst, fluff, a lot of smut, break up sex, one last time sex, romantic sex, taboo sex, sofa/couch sex x2???, raw sex x3??? (remember to wrap up irl pls), heart break, opportunistic infidelity, love triangle???, completely consensual!
author's note: tbh i'm definitely evil for writing this, but i'm in my villain era so let's break some hearts hehe... i og just wanted this to be a "the one that got away" trope, and then my fingers just took me on a wildly different journey, so here we are... don't kill me pls and thx ily xoxo thank you choy @chokchokk for the idea hehe
tag list: @k-hotchoisan apply for the permanent taglist here!
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You and San had been dating for two years— the two of you met right after graduating from college and clicked almost immediately. After one year of dating, he moved into your place, and after two years, things changed suddenly.
You got home from work one day to see all of San’s suitcases by the door. You looked around and saw that pretty much all of his personal belongings were no longer in their spots. You stared at the place in shock— what the fuck was going on? There weren’t any problems in your relationship that you could think of, and San didn’t show any signs that he was unhappy in the relationship. The two of you even talked about having a kid for crying out loud.
“San?” you called out into the apartment. “What’s going on?”
There was no response. You walked around the apartment and looked for him, only to find him in the bedroom. He turned to look at you, and you immediately saw his red, teary eyes. He had been crying.
“Y/N, you’re home early,” he said softly.
“San, what the hell is going on? Why are all of your things by the door?” you asked, your own voice starting to waver.
“I don’t think I can do this anymore… I think we should break up.”
“W-what? San, I don’t understand—”
“I wrote it all in the letter…” San stated as he pointed to the letter on the bed. “I didn’t think you’d come home so soon. I was hoping to slip out while you were at work.”
“Why?!”
“I have to go home for a while. I don’t know how long, and there’s a lot of things I have to work through, so I don’t feel right being in a relationship where I can’t give you the attention you deserve. I’m sorry, Y/N…”
“Sannie, I can help you! That’s what relationships are all about—”
“No, you can’t. You have a life here, Y/N. I can’t just expect you to drop everything just to be with me… Even if we try long distance, I know that you can be there for me, but I won’t be able to be there for you. You deserve to be with someone who can reciprocate, and that person is just not me right now.”
San walked past you and out of the bedroom, but you caught his arm before he could go any further. Hot tears rolled down your cheeks as his back faced you.
“San,” you cried. “Don’t do this… Please… I love you so much. Don’t break up with me.”
You hugged San from behind. At first, he was motionless, but he eventually turned in your arms and hugged you back. He hugged you tightly and dropped his head, his lips by your ear. You heard his voice crack slightly as he whispered, “I love you, too, Y/N. I love you so, so, so much…”
“We don’t have to break up,” you mumbled into his chest. You leaned back and looked into his eyes as you said, “Let me be there for you. We’ll go through it together, and I promise I’ll be there for you even if you can’t be there for me. We can make it work! I’ll just come visit you in your hometown every other weekend.”
“But that’s not fair to you, Y/N… You’d be putting in so much effort, and I wouldn’t be able to do that at all. Then, you’d grow to resent me for not putting more effort into our relationship. I’d rather break up with you now because I can’t stand the idea of you breaking up with me because you hate me.”
“I won’t hate you, San. I love you. I will always love you… We don’t know how the future will turn out! I’d rather stay together and be hopeful.”
“Y/N, I have to go, and I don’t know how long I’ll have to be gone for…” He pulled himself out of your embrace. He cupped your cheeks and wiped the tears staining your cheeks. “This is how it has to be.”
You place your hands over his and hold onto him. When he moved his hands away from your face, you immediately held onto his shoulders and pulled him, your lips meeting his. Your hand rested on the back of his neck and on his shoulder as you kissed him passionately, tears still rolling down your cheeks. His arms wrapped around your waist and pulled you into him. The two of you kissed and held onto each other desperately as you re-entered the bedroom.
San sat on the bed while you straddled him. You ran your fingers through his hair and clutched his roots as you felt his tongue dive further into your mouth. His fingers slipped under your blouse and held onto your waist, his cold fingers sending goosebumps down your spine. When his nails brushed past the small of your back to move to your bra and unhook it, you moved closer to him, a muffled moan leaving your lungs. San released your lips, a thin string of saliva connecting your tongues. The string broke when San moved his head down, his nose brushing against your jaw as he targeted the skin on your neck. You leaned your head backwards as breathy moans escaped your body.
You gripped the collar of San’s sweater and pulled upwards, indicating to San that you wanted him to start stripping. He moved away from you slightly to do so, messing up his hair and revealing a white tank top, which he promptly removed to reveal his defined chest and broad shoulders. Even with his messy hair covering his eyes, you could still see the sorrow in them. His lips were slightly parted as he looked up at you, practically begging you to kiss him; and when you brought your lips to his, he kissed you passionately and desperately, which you loved but at the same time did not want him to do so because it meant that he really was going to leave.
San helped you out of your blouse and pulled your bra off almost immediately so his hands could cup your breasts. He planted his lips on one of your breasts and sucked hard, making you hold onto his shoulders, your nails digging into his skin as his teeth nibbled on your nipple. You gasped loudly when his fingers tugged on your other nipple.
While San got busy with your breasts, turning you on to the max, you unconsciously gyrated your hips on his lap. Your panties were getting incredibly wet, and San was getting harder by the second, making you grind on him even more. San moaned lightly when you pushed your waist against his, his hands moving from your breasts to your ass. He sucked your other breast while slipping his fingers past the waistband of your pants then sliding your pants downwards.
Wordlessly, the two of you removed your pants when you stood up for a brief moment. The second the two of you were completely naked, you straddled him once more, his dick pressing against your clit and stomach. Neither of you said a single word as you held his dick delicately in your hands, adjusting the both of you before sitting down, his cock filling you up. San’s hands held onto your ass as you began to move, his hands assisting you. You moved slowly at first, allowing you to lock lips with the man you loved.
Whimpers, moans, and groans echoed in the room the more you bounced on San’s dick. At some point, he leaned backwards, his back pressing against the bed. Your chest pressed against his as you continued to fuck him, his hips bucking upwards to thrust his penis further and harder into you. You gasped and bit back cries as you felt him rub against your g-spot repeatedly, bringing you to orgasm. Shortly after, you heard San grunt loudly as he slammed your waist against his, his cock trembling inside you as he came. He remained inside you as the two of you rested and caught your breath.
That moment lasted only seconds before San turned you over so that your back was pressed against the bed. He moved your legs upwards so that your calves rested on his shoulders, his dick still deep inside you. He moved slowly and gently at first, and he was still sitting upright. You held your arms out for him, and he lowered himself, your hands immediately moving to hold the back of his neck so you could get yet another taste of his sweet lips. He moved to his elbows while you wrapped your legs around his waist, allowing him to move faster and harder.
San kept up a slower tempo at first, but he slammed his waist into yours repeatedly, your ass stinging a little because of the impact. The pain immediately subsided the more you kissed him, though, until you felt a tear slip out of your eye. San lips left yours as he moved upwards slightly, the two of you gazing at each other. San’s eyes were also misty from what you saw. More tears slipped out of your eyes the longer you stared at San’s face. He wiped the tears from your eyes, but that didn’t stop you from crying, which made him start crying, too. You felt one of his tears land on your cheek, but before any more could fall, he moved back and sped up his thrusts exponentially, quickly bringing you to orgasm, but you were only able to squirt properly after San came again and pulled out, both your arousal fluid and San’s cum leaking out of your pussy.
With a light exhale, San laid down on the bed next to you. He laid his arm out so you could use his arm as a pillow, his other hand cupping your face and wiping tears from your cheek.
“Angel,” San whispered, making you cry all over again because that was the first time all day he had called you by his nickname for you. “Angel, please don’t cry.”
“How can I not cry when you’re going to leave me?” you whispered while crying. “You’re the love of my life, Sannie. I don’t want to break up. Let’s stay together… You do what you need to do, but still be my love, please…”
“Y/N…”
“Please, San. Please.”
San let out a sad exhale. He sat up and said, “Let’s get cleaned up first, okay?”
You nodded slowly and sat up with his assistance. The two of you went to the bathroom and took a shower together, but while usually you two would indulge in shower sex, you couldn’t bring yourself to even look him in the eye. He scrubbed you and himself down as you stood somewhat motionless. Neither of you said a word.
After toweling off and tossing the soiled sheets into the hamper, you and San got into bed. You held onto him tightly in fear that he was going to leave if you didn’t. He pet your hair and left soft kisses all over your face, but you didn’t respond to that because you knew that was him trying to say goodbye. You moved your head down and pressed it against his chest, not allowing him to kiss your face at that point. He settled for pressing his lips lightly against the top of your head before burying his nose in your hair.
“Angel, how about this,” he said quietly. “I won’t leave until the morning, okay?”
You didn’t want him to leave at all. You remained quiet as you thought about his proposition.
“I’ll stay here tonight and sleep with you, then I’ll leave in the morning.”
If he was going to leave in the morning, maybe you could wake up before him and keep him from leaving by hiding his things or just latching onto him and not letting go.
“Okay,” you accepted. “I love you so much, my San.”
San kissed the top of your head once more before resting his chin on your head and hugging you closer. “I love you, too, my angel… My Y/N.”
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You woke up to an extremely cold bed. You immediately sat up and looked around. San was not in the bedroom. You leapt out of bed and ran to the front door to see that all of his suitcases were no longer there.
“San?” you called out into the empty apartment. “San?!”
No response. You ran through the apartment searching for him, but there wasn’t a single trace of him anywhere. You fell to your knees and bawled. San really did leave.
Little did you know, San was standing in front of the apartment still. If you had just opened the front door, you would have been able to catch him, but you didn’t know that. San pressed his head against the door as he heard you wailing his name, tears falling rapidly from his eyes, and he continued to cry the whole way back to his hometown.
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The following days, weeks, months, you texted San everyday— good morning texts, good night texts, happy holiday, happy birthday, and many, many, many “I love you”s and “I miss you”s; and no matter how much you texted him, you never got a single reply from him. You tried for a year. You even tried to find his hometown so you could get him back by going in person, but you didn’t know where or how to find his hometown. His friends were no help, too. He ghosted them as well. He ghosted everyone.
You wanted to wait for San. You knew that he would come back to you at some point and that you would be able to live your happily ever after with him. But, you didn’t know how long he was going to take. You didn’t know if he ever would show up again.
The thought of growing old and dying alone scared you. You didn’t want to be alone. You wanted someone to love you and be there for you— and that’s when you finally understood what San was saying. You were so lonely without him, and if the two of you were still dating, he still wouldn’t be able to be there for you when you needed him to. So, after one year of waiting for him, you gave up. You couldn’t wait for him any longer; you couldn’t be alone any longer.
You distracted yourself to the best of your ability. You spent more time at work, working well into the night despite the fact that you really didn’t need to. You hung out with your friends often, but you couldn’t keep that up for long because your friends were in their own relationships, and their romantic relationships were more important (and you didn’t blame them because you were the same when you were dating San).
One weekend morning, you went on a walk. Your mind was blank— you spent the entire night before just crying about San and looking at old pictures of the two of you, his favorite movie playing in the background. So, in the morning, you were a zombie. You woke up to see that it was still dark out, but the sun was starting to come up. Your body moved before your mind could process, and you were outside waiting for the sunrise.
You were walking along the sidewalk on a bridge, and you stopped right in the middle of the bridge to look at the horizon. There were a few runners and cyclists and elders out to enjoy the air before the day truly started, and they continued to pass you as you waited for the sun.
A man out on a jog ran past you, only to stop dead in his tracks. He looked over his shoulder and saw you. The sky was bathed in shades of orange and pink, and you looked so beautiful among it. The wind was in your hair, your lips were slightly parted, and you were just staring out at the scenery in front of you while the man stared at the scenery before him.
When you ran your fingers through your hair to brush it back, he saw your eyes. Your eyes were red and puffy, and they were still filled with sadness. You were leaning a little too far over the railing, which also scared the shit out of him. He walked towards you and leaned onto the railing himself, startling you slightly, which made you take a step away from the railing.
“Hi,” he said with a beautiful smile.
“Hi…”
He turned his head and looked at the rising sun. He continued to look into the distance as he spoke.
“The sunrise is gorgeous, isn’t it?”
“Yeah… It is…”
“Did you know sunrises and sunsets are brighter after a rainstorm?”
He looked at you, and you shook your head in response— you didn’t know that. He turned his head back to the sky and looked at the universe with a smile. You stared at his side profile. He was handsome, and he looked so beautiful and radiant in the colors of the sunrise. It was as if the sun rose just for him.
“Rainstorms clear up the sky, so the colors are more vibrant because of the clear sky. Sometimes, it needs to rain so the colors can pop and be more lovely,” he explained. Then, he broke into a wide grin and looked at you again, his eyes turning into crescents. “Nature works in beautiful ways. It’s amazing.”
You were speechless. You stood and stared at the man and took in all of his beauty. Nature did work in beautiful ways because it created the sparkling, lovely person in front of you. His smile got softer as he turned to face you. He held his hand out and introduced himself.
“I’m Jung Wooyoung.”
You took his hand.
“Y/N.”
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You fell for Wooyoung. You fell hard. Every single moment with him was bright and happy, and you completely forgot about your heartbreak as you spent more and more time with him. You would go on cute dates like in the park or at the movie theatre— and the two of you would go movie hopping until you got kicked out— or to get ice cream or to an amusement park, but he would also take you to ultra fancy restaurants and rooftop bars and speakeasies. He was such a man of duality, having the cutest and most fun personality while also being a successful president of a company, but you loved it. You loved him.
One year flew by. In that one year, Wooyoung asked you to move in with him, and you did. Living with him was chaotic, but you expected that at the least because Wooyoung was chaotic and unpredictable, but always in a good way. You didn’t know how he was going to surprise you or make you laugh next.
On the second year anniversary of the first time the two of you met, you woke up to Wooyoung shaking you at five in the morning.
“Wooyoung, honey, I love you, but it is too early in the morning for this shit,” you grumbled as you turned in bed and pulled the blanket over your head.
“Please, pumpkin? Sweetie? Cutie? Baby? Lovely?” Wooyoung showered you with all the cute nicknames he had for you as he knelt by the side of the bed and kissed your face all over.
“Ugh, fine,” you complained, but you had the biggest smile on your face. “One of these days, your cute act is not going to work on me.”
“Well, today is not that day. So get up! Get dressed! Let’s go!”
“Get dressed?! At five in the morning?!” you were in complete disbelief.
“Believe me, you’ll be glad you did.”
Blinking the sleep out of your eyes, you looked at what Wooyoung was wearing. He was wearing the button-up you loved most on him along with the tie and tie clip you got him for his birthday. So, you wore clothes to match his… At five in the fucking morning.
He held your hand as the two of you walked through the city, the streetlights illuminating your path. It was still very dark outside. The two of you walked all the way to a bridge— the bridge where you first met. Your heart raced. And once you saw his friend standing in the middle of the bridge with a camera, you immediately got a sense of what Wooyoung was going to do.
Right at the middle of the bridge as the sun started to rise, Wooyoung got down on one knee. He held your hand. He told you how much he loved you and that he wanted to spend the rest of his life showering you with that love because you were everything to him. You cried. He took out the wedding ring, and you said yes. He kissed you, the sky red, orange, and pink. The pictures of the two of you before the sunrise turned out beautiful and vibrant. Nature really did work in beautiful ways.
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You sat on the couch in the living room reading through one of the bridal magazines your friend lent to you. After Wooyoung proposed, he said he wanted to get married sooner rather than later, so you decided to get married on the day you first kissed, which was four months after the first time you met.
“Hi, baby,” Wooyoung greeted you with a kiss when he got home from work.
“Welcome home, honey,” you said in response, Wooyoung’s lips immediately pulling into a wide grin.
“God, I love when you say that. It makes me feel like we’re already married,” he giggled.
Wooyoung set his bag down in the kitchen before immediately joining you on the couch. He hugged your waist and nuzzled his nose into the nook of your neck before his eyes shifted to see the magazine.
“You’d look beautiful in that dress, and that dress, and that one, and that,” Wooyoung said as he flipped through the pages. “Honestly, Y/N, you’re already so beautiful normally. The dress would just be a complete knockout for me. Don’t wear one.”
“What, you want me to marry you naked?” you teased him.
Wooyoung’s face went red— he was definitely imagining it. “No, because I don’t want anyone else looking at you naked. Only me.”
You giggled and kissed his cheek lightly, but that wasn’t enough for your fiancé. He kissed your lips. A passionate kiss. One that made your fingers and toes tingle. His fingers got tangled in your hair as he gripped your roots tightly, his kisses getting more intense with every passing second. He took the magazine out of your hands and tossed it behind him somewhere, your hands free to hold onto his shirt so you could work on the buttons. His shirt fell to the ground, then yours, and your pants and underwear flew off your bodies in record time.
Wooyoung had you pinned to the black leather couch. His lips trailed along your exposed skin, leaving light pink marks in their wake. You sighed pleasurably when Wooyoung kissed your neck, his hands kneading your breasts simultaneously. You felt his knee press between your legs and rub subtly, stimulating your clit. Tiny gasps and moans escaped you the more he played with your body.
While you enjoyed his foreplay, you wanted more from him. Your arms wrapped around his body and pulled him closer, silently telling him to fuck you. There was a slight smirk on Wooyoung’s face as he positioned himself and slowly entered you, making you gasp loudly.
“Shit, you’re so tight, baby…” Wooyoung sharply inhaled as he pushed himself all the way in.
Wooyoung moved slowly at first, the friction between his cock and your cunt making electricity zap through your nerves. He kept moving at that steady pace of his, but his waist hit yours powerfully every time, and you loved it.
“Mmm, f-feels good,” you barely managed to say before biting your lower lip and narrowing your eyes slightly.
“Fuck, baby… You can’t make that kind of sexy face and expect me to stay calm,” Wooyoung grunted.
“T-then go wild, honey. Fuck me… H-harder!”
His hands held onto your waist firmly as his tempo sped up. You clung onto his veiny arms as you head went back, the pleasure insurmountable. You watched his jaw clench the harder he slapped his hips into yours, your entire body lurching every time he thrust into you. You felt yourself nearly your orgasm as he sped up and slowed down almost randomly, your body unable to keep up with the change in pace.
“I’m gonna cum!” you cried.
Wooyoung immediately pulled out and rushed his middle two fingers into you, his fingers curling and running against your G-spot rapidly, bringing you to orgasm intensely and loudly as you screamed his name.
Mere seconds after the high of your orgasm faded, Wooyoung carefully entered you again, and after about two thrusts, he fucked you fast. His hold on your thighs got firmer, and you could hear his breathing get rougher and faster.
“Baby,” Wooyoung said breathlessly. “Can I cum inside?”
“Fill me up, honey,” you pulled him down by his shoulders. You bit his earlobe gently before whispering, “Give me every last drop of you.”
That did it for him. With one final slam, Wooyoung moaned loudly as he released his entire load inside you, his cock twitching as his seed kept filling you. When he pulled out, his cum leaked out of you, and Wooyoung loved to see it.
Seconds later, Wooyoung cleaned you and the couch up before wrapping a throw blankets around the two of you. You sat in his lap and held onto his shoulder while combing your fingers through the hair on the back of his head. Meanwhile, he traced patterns along your waist and stomach as he told you, “This, this, this… All this. All for me. No one else gets to see it. Only me.”
He leaned into you and trailed his fingertips from the top of your forehead, down your nose, and to your lips.
“And these are exclusively mine. Forever.”
“I’m all yours forever, honey,” you agreed.
Wooyoung cupped your face and kissed you tenderly. You could feel him smile against your lips, making you smile in the process. He moved away slightly and gazed lovingly at you while whispering, “God, I love you so much, Y/N.”
“I love you too, Wooyoung.”
With a final kiss, Wooyoung got off the couch and pulled on his boxers, roaming the apartment in just his boxers. You watched his butt from the couch and bit your lower lip while imagining taking a bite of his ass.
“Hey, eyes up here,” Wooyoung snapped his fingers and gestured to his eyes.
“Sorry,” you said while not really meaning it. “You have a fine ass, babe.”
“I know that,” he replied while smacking his ass.
You laughed and turned away, your eyes landing on the bridal magazine on the ground. You picked it up and opened it back up to the page you left off on. Wooyoung messed around in the kitchen and began to cook dinner while wearing only boxers.
“Honey, if you’re going to cook like that, you might as well just wear an apron and ditch the boxers,” you teased.
“Buy me a “kiss the chef” apron, and maybe I’ll do it.”
You snickered and returned to your magazine as Wooyoung continued to cook.
“By the way, my friends told me that my best man is going to “kidnap me” for the bachelor party. Just wanted to let you know in case he leaves a ransom note for you.”
“Sounds fun,” you laughed. “Oh, wait… Who is your best man, anyway? You never told me.”
“My best friend from college. San.”
You immediately clutched the magazine hard, the pages getting crumpled in your tight grip, and your heart dropped. You must’ve heard him wrong, or maybe someone else shares the same name because, surely, it’s not… San… Like your former lover San…
“I, um… I’ve never met him?”
“Well, we lost contact right after we graduated, then he went to his hometown because he had to take care of some stuff at home, so he’s been there for a while now… Three years, maybe? But, yeah, we made a pact in college to be each other’s’ best man, so he’s my best man for our wedding.”
You nearly tore the magazine in half. The San Wooyoung was talking about was, in fact, the man who was once the love of your life.
“That’s nice… That he kept his promise…” you said slowly, unsure of what to say because your mind was reeling, and not going to lie, you were getting kind of dizzy. “Well, have fun. I mean, when he kidnaps you… For the party— Um, what day is that, again?”
“Next Thursday.”
“Got it…” you nodded; at least you knew when to not be at home.
Wooyoung hummed cheerily in the kitchen as he continued to obliviously make dinner while you sat on the couch, your heart racing, and your mind spinning just remembering the man you loved deeply, the man that got up and left, the man that broke your heart.
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You did a good job of avoiding Wooyoung and his groomsmen until the day of the wedding. Wooyoung didn’t expect a thing because your friends would whisk you away in the name of some wedding mishap, but they couldn’t do that for you at the actual wedding itself. You just had to figure out a way to avoid making eye contact with him and avoid being left alone with him.
You stood on the bridal raiser and smoothed out your dress before turning and checking the back of your dress to the best of your ability. You were all alone in the dressing room by that point because your bridesmaids and mother ran out— they were putting the finishing touches on all the small little details (which you didn’t really care about but they cared a whole lot so you gave them your blessing to go do what they needed to do).
Hanging on the mirror in front of you was your veil. You totally forgot about your veil. You picked it up and attempted to put it in your hair by yourself without messing up your hair. You nearly ruined your hair entirely when the door to the room opened and closed suddenly.
“Hey, Woo, I’ve got the rings and—”
You turned to see your fiancé’s best man. The two of you froze. You locked eyes and stared at each other, your heart sinking.
“No way…” you whispered to yourself.
Your fingers went numb, and you dropped the veil. You continued to stare at him as San smiled at you. His smile was still gorgeous, and he still had those beautiful dimples that you loved so fucking much. Your heart clenched as you observed him act as if everything was okay.
“Hi, Y/N. It’s been a while.”
You remained silent.
“You look nice… Very beautiful.”
“Um, thank you…”
San walked towards you slowly. You desperately wanted to move away, but you were frozen in place. He stood right before you and picked up the fallen veil before offering you his hand to help you off the bridal raiser— he seemed to realize that you were stuck up there. You hesitantly placed your hand in his and carefully stepped down from the raiser, only to forget that you were wearing heels. Your heel immediately tipped to the side as you got down, making you fall right into his arms.
San caught you securely and wrapped his arms around you while you tried to get your footing again, the veil falling to the ground once again. Despite the fact that you regained your balance and tried to move away from him, the man still hugged you tightly.
“San,” you choked out, his name foreign on your tongue. “San, let go…”
“Can we please just… let’s stay here a little longer…”
You let out a tiny, sad sigh. You felt awkward with his arms just around you and you standing still, so you (made a huge mistake and) hugged him back lightly at first. You didn’t realize how familiar his hugs would feel after three years of not seeing him and you found yourself sinking into his embrace. You missed his broad shoulders, the way he would press his head gently against yours, the way his fingers would press gently into the small of your back, and the way he smelled. God, he always smelled so wonderful, and that smell brought you back to three years ago when he made you the happiest person alive, bringing tears to your eyes. You did your best to suppress the tears, though, because your goddamn bridal makeup— you couldn’t ruin that.
Your shoulders trembled as you choked back your sobs, and San noticed that. He loosened his arms around you and leaned away slightly to see your face and notice the tears in the corners of your eyes. He cradled your face as he frowned slightly, his trembling thumbs dabbing the tears— he also knew not to mess up your makeup.
“Y/N, don’t cry,” he whispered.
“San…” your voice wavered.
He pressed his lips together, his own eyes starting to water. “Angel, don’t cry,” he said hoarsely.
You thought that him calling you by that nickname would make you upset, but it made your heart flutter. You blinked several times hoping to clear the tears without them rolling down your face as you looked up at San’s face. However, his affectionate gaze brought tears back to your eyes.
“You’re so beautiful, Y/N… You haven’t changed a bit…”
Your lower lip quivered, and you were about to start crying, but San didn’t want to let that happen. He dried your tears and kissed you immediately. It was a light kiss at first, but you missed him so much, and he with you. You held onto his arms tightly as you kissed him back, unable to get enough of him. And when he moved his hands from your face to around you, you moved your hands to his shoulders and just wanted him to whisk you away right then and there.
The entire world faded. In that moment it was just you and your lost lover. Just him holding you brought you back to your younger self when you and San were in love and happy. You fit so snuggly in his warm embrace as if you were two puzzle pieces meant to be pressed together— you felt so right with him.
Slowly, the kisses got more intense, more frantic. He let go of you to pull his suit jacket off, but he made sure to leave his lips with you. When his hands returned to your waist, you untied his bowtie and began unbuttoning his shirt. By the time San reached for the zipper on your dress, you were nearly done with the buttons, and just as your dress strap fell off your shoulder, someone knocked on the door, completely startling the two of you.
“Baby?” Wooyoung asked, happiness exuding from his voice. “Your mom wants to know if you need help with the veil!”
“N-no! I got it!”
“Okay, see you soon! I love you!”
You were completely pulled out of your daydream with San and came crashing down into the real world, your heart shattering into a million pieces. You pushed San away lightly and put the dress strap back on without making eye contact with him. You turned away from him and walked towards the mirror where your veil laid on the ground. You had to get ready for your wedding.
“San, we can’t be doing this,” you told him without turning around. “It’s too late. I’m getting married, and I’m getting married to your best friend for crying out loud! And I—”
“I know, Y/N, but… I need you to know that I never stopped loving you.”
“San, you lost your chance. I’m in love with Wooyoung, now.”
“Yeah… I made a mistake,” San said— you heard the hurt in his voice. “Leaving you was the biggest mistake I ever made.”
You turned to look at him, your eyes burning as they filled to the brim with tears. “Then why did you do it, San?”
With a heavy exhale, San ran his fingers through his hair and took a seat on one of the couches in the room. He rested his elbows on his knees and clasped his hands together as he stared at the ground.
“For the past three years, all I did was take care of my family. My friends would text me, but I never had the time or energy to respond. I was completely alone… And I knew that if I was still with you, we definitely wouldn’t have lasted because of how inaccessible I was.”
As he talked, you approached him and sat next to him. You, too, looked down at the ground as he continued.
“I never stopped thinking about you. I always wanted to text you back when you texted me saying you missed me, but I was scared… I didn’t want to give either of us false hope. And then, you stopped texting me, so I knew you moved on, and I didn’t want to ruin whatever happiness you had.”
You gingerly placed your hand on his, gripping his hand as you listened to and understood his justification.
“When Wooyoung sent the engagement photos, I was shocked,” he let out a little laugh. “I realized I never told him about you when we were together, and I never got to talk to him about his relationship with you because I distanced myself from everything. I actually told him that I couldn’t be his best man, so he actually hunted me down and wore me down, using our college days against me.”
San moved his hands away from yours and covered his face to let out a shuddering sigh.
“I love you so much, Y/N… I can’t believe I let you go,” he said, nearly sobbing.
Your heart clenched. You wrapped your arms around him and hugged him, hoping that he would stop crying because seeing him cry was too much for you to handle. San hugged you back and sniffled while whispering into your ear, “I’m sorry, Y/N… I wish I never had to leave you… I love you.”
You moved away from him and cupped his face— it was your turn to dry his tears. You smiled sadly at him as you said, “I never stopped loving you, too, San. I’m sorry things turned out this way… I just hope that someday you’ll find someone who can do for you what Wooyoung did for me.”
Innocently, you leaned in to kiss him on the cheek, but San turned his head right at that moment, and your lips briefly reconnected with his. You gazed into his eyes and held your breath— no matter what you said, and no matter how much you loved Wooyoung, you still had deep feelings for San. So, when he kissed your lips lightly again, and then again, and again, you let him. Your Superego begged you to stop, but the Id and your libido had more control over you. When San dropped his head and trailed kisses down your neck, you gasped, your head tilting back in response.
“W-wait, San,” you whispered and moved away slightly. “We can’t do this.”
“Just give me one last time, angel.”
“But—” San cut you off by kissing you, and you immediately caved.
You clung to him and continued to let him kiss your lips until they were raw. Both straps of your dress completely slipped off your shoulder and exposed your bare breasts. San, his lips leaving yours, stood up and helped you out of your wedding dress before delicately draping it over a chair and then doing the same with his dress shirt. He then locked the door and turned most of the lights off before rejoining you and pinning you down on the sofa, the two of you kicking off your shoes before you continued.
You wrapped your arms around him and ran your fingers through his hair on the back of his head. His tongue slipped into your mouth and danced along with your tongue, he pressed his chest against yours, and he held onto your waist and thigh, bringing your thigh up to wrap around his waist. Your pants started getting louder in between the kisses, and you were breathing heavily when San released your lips to remove his pants and underwear.
It had been so long that you forgot San’s size. You couldn’t help but look at him in fear as his stiff, red, throbbing dick rested on your stomach. Meanwhile, he looked at you anxiously.
“I don’t have a condom…” he whispered.
“That’s okay… Cum inside, though. It’ll make it easier to clean up.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, Sannie. I’m on the pill.”
You said his nickname without giving it a second thought, and hearing yourself say it made your heart hurt all over again, but before you could cry about it, San left you with a mind-blowing kiss. He gently rubbed the tip of his cock up and down your folds slowly, making you wetter so that when he entered you, it wouldn’t be so painful. Yet, he still took you by surprise when he thrust into you, and you did your best to not moan or gasp loudly.
“Does it hurt?” he asked you quietly.
“No,” you breathed out.
“Will you be okay if I start moving?”
You nodded. Hands holding your waist, San moved slowly at first, and every time his hips would slap against yours, you’d let out a little whimper, your heart longing for San despite the fact that he was right there. The closer his upper body got to you, the faster his thrusts got. You bit your finger to keep from crying out loud as the pleasure rapidly increased. San, however, did not want you to bite your finger. He didn’t want you to get hurt. So, he kissed you continuously even with the two of you shifting on the couch with every thrust.
San caressed your hair. You wrapped your arms and legs around his body. You held onto him tightly as his cock rubbed against your G-spot continuously. His kisses were less of a continuous string the closer the two of you got to your climax. His breathing in between each kiss was getting shallower. He was biting back his own groans, the two of you just letting out smaller, sharper breaths as he thrusted into you hard. His waist slammed into yours hard as the two of you came at the same time. San bit his lower lip to suppress his pleasureful groan while you opted to bite the inside of your cheek.
The two of you panted heavily as the high of your orgasms wore off. You both remained stationary as you brought your eyes to meet his. You knew the regret and the guilt would set in later, but in that moment, you just wanted to be with San for as long as humanly possible. You desperately wanted to be able to cuddle with him and whisper sweet nothings to each other as you drifted into a comfortable sleep. But, that could only happen in the past. That could’ve only happen years ago before San left you.
San pulled out slowly and immediately grabbed the tissue box so he could clean you up. You sat up and caressed San’s cheek, willing him to look at you once again. You kissed him softly for a brief, beautiful moment, until you had to return to reality.
“I love you, San.”
“I love you, Y/N.”
He kissed the top of your head gently. Then, you had to tear yourself away from him. You both got dressed quickly. You took one more fleeting glance at him before you turned away from him, the two of you silently acknowledging the situation. You sat in front of the vanity and looked down at your lap as San carefully made his way out of the room. The door closed gently behind you, and a tear slipped out of your eye.
Wooyoung knocked on the door again to check in on you, and you asked him to send your maid of honor and mother. When they saw the disheveled state you were in, they bombarded you with questions, and you lied for every answer like saying you cried reading over your vow to Wooyoung, or that your hair was messed up because the veil refused to work with you. You felt incredibly guilty doing so, but it was truly the best option considering that you were to get married to the man that you love now in the next couple of hours. Luckily, the makeup artist and hair stylist were able to fix you up quickly and get you ready to walk down the aisle.
You were able to go through the rest of the wedding normally, the only thing— the only person— on your mind being Wooyoung. He was completely head over heels when he saw you walk down the aisle in your wedding gown. He vowed to keep you happy and laughing and to make sure you always felt loved, and you cried. Maybe it was because of the vow, maybe because of the guilt, or maybe a mix of the two; but regardless, Wooyoung dried the tears from your face with the beautiful smile that you fell for, the first smile of his you ever saw, on his face.
When Wooyoung was allowed to kiss the bride, and the two of you shared your first kiss as a married couple, you didn’t have to look at San to know that he was smiling and clapping for the two of you with complete sadness in his eyes. You didn’t need to look at him to know that he was hurting because, truth be told, you were hurting a little as well.
You forgot about the speeches at the reception until your father stood up and started talking, and sorrow paralyzed your body. After your father, your maid of honor spoke, and then the best man. You could barely keep your eyes on San as he stood up to speak.
“Wooyoung and I made a pact that we would be each other’s’ best men back when we were in college, but the thing is, I never thought I’d have to hold up my end of the deal.”
Everyone at the wedding party laughed, and you had to force one, especially when San turned to face the bride and groom with a beautiful smile on his face, his dimples as clear as day.
“But, seeing him here today with Y/N and… Seeing how in love the two of them are… I know that this relationship was meant to be, and I know that you’ll always keep her happy and smiling, Wooyoung.”
Your heart twisted into a knot. You covered your mouth as tears threatened to spill out of your eyes. Wooyoung, noticing your tears, held your free hand and gave it a gentle squeeze as he smiled softly at you.
“I know I don’t have to say this, but Wooyoung, cherish Y/N. She is the best thing that has ever happened to you. Give her all of the love in the world because she deserves that and so much more, and Y/N…” San cleared his throat, the smile barely holding up. He made complete eye contact with you as he said, “Wooyoung is the luckiest guy in the world to find someone who loves him so much… I’m happy that you two found each other… And I wish you both a lifetime of happiness.”
He turned away from you and held his champagne flute in the air.
“Cheers!”
San took his seat, and he couldn’t help but look at you from the corner of his eye. Wooyoung had his arm over your shoulder and he was whispering happily to you, the tears on your face disappearing as Wooyoung made you smile and laugh. Wooyoung kissed your cheek and hugged you closer, and San had to look away, his heart breaking, his heart broken.
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captain-joongz · 2 months
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fanfiction recommendations/my favourite reads in 2023
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jeong yunho
♤ the drill by @byuntrash101
big dick!yunho, kinda fluffy and sweet
kang yeosang
◇ let's play a game by @anyamaris
yeosang x reader x soobin (txt), friends to lovers, primal play
choi san
♧ howling to your moon by @essenteez
established relationship, smut
☆ oh he's good by @yoongiseesawmp3
part of church boy series, bad boy (?) san kinda
♤ pornstar!san by @orgverse
camboy/camgirl au, live stream sex, hinted ateez x reader
◇ incubus: coming of age by @byuntrash101
incubus!san, kinda slowburn
♧ moll by @last-words-ofashootingstar
1920s mafia, corrupt police officer!san, dark, yandere, manipulation
song mingi
☆ roommate by @essenteez
roommates to lovers, horny mingi
♤ a taste of desire by @solfiera
college au, brother's best friend!mingi
jeong wooyoung
◇ not on my watch by @remedyx
christmas time, getting together thanks to mistletoe, fluffy
♧ 5 weeks by @setsugekka
idol!wooyoung x stylist!reader, coworkers to lovers, woo is an annoying little shit (affectionate)
ATEEZ rec list pt. 1 BTS, TxT, Stray Kids, Seventeen, NCT rec list
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seonghwaddict · 8 months
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music to my ears — choi san PART THREE OF LILO'S 600 FOLLOWER EVENT
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requested by anon. “congrats on 600 lovely !! <3 fluff list 2: “you wouldn’t, uh, maybe, want to stay the night, would you? i just really don’t want today to end.” & smut list 4: ❛ i love that no one else has seen you like this, that no one else has felt you before, been inside you. they don't get to have you, but i do. ❜ with san would be 🫠🫠” lilo’s notes. thank you for the request anon!! i agree this is an absolutely amazing request and the prompts are just *chefs kiss*. that being said, i had to change them very slightly (like one or two words) just to fit the scenario a bit, i hope you don’t mind. <33
prompts. “you wouldn’t, uh, maybe, want to stay the night, would you? i just really don’t want today to end.” ; “i love that no one else has seen you like this, that no one else has felt you before, been inside you. they don't get to have you, but i do.” pairing. choi san x fem!reader
warnings. smut below the cut, minors please dni, soft dom!san, soft sex, body worship, fuckbuddy!san, minimal dirty talk, praise, p in v, unprotected sex (pls don’t do this irl), nicknames (baby, love), slight overstimulation, aftercare, a lot of softness. wc. 1.7k.
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he was supposed to be a one night stand, a stranger you’d have some fun with and then forget about later.
what he was not supposed to be was a repeated cycle of waking up in his bed. but that’s exactly what san became. you weren’t exactly sure how to describe your relationship with him—friends with benefits? no, you didn’t really talk enough about your personal lives to consider him close to you in any other way than physical. fuck buddy? that was definitely more fitting, but something about it still felt off.
after the first night you spent together, you were intrigued, eager to find out everything he could do but had not yet shown you. so, before you left in the morning, you grabbed a pen and paper from his desk and wrote down your number and name (you couldn’t even remember his name so you doubted you ever gave him yours).
it didn’t take him too long to contact you. only a week later and you received a text message where he introduced himself. once you were reminded of who he was, you couldn’t suppress your excitement at the prospect of seeing him again. you were completely right about his intentions for it was only a few messages later that he threw in the information that he was stressed and could really use relief. you were happy to assist him.
your little adventures in his sheets quickly became something constant in your life, seeing him every couple days. soon enough you figured out you were both std free, so you let him go in without protection. the pleasure of it all never really left either of you with a desire to sleep with anyone else, since you didn’t have to worry about diseases or pregnancy (thanks to you being on the pill). and after the first night, you stopped leaving as soon as you woke up while he was still fast asleep, and with each encounter you’d find yourself staying just a bit longer each time. san was always very sweet, though his personality in bed was a bit unpredictable.
sometimes he was merciless, pounding into you at an ungodly speed while he whispered the filthiest things into your ear. other times, like now for instance, he’d be gentle, taking his time with your body, hands and lips ghosting over sensitive areas and mapping them out.
he already made you cum three times and by the time he finally entered you, you were quivering with overstimulation but still eager to continue. one of his hands had your wrists crossed and pinned over your head while the other trailed all over your body, gently teasing before he held your thighs together and bent them over your chest, his hips rolling against you sensually.
he knew your body well, knew what angles got your head spinning and what touches got your pussy gushing. occasionally he let out groans, but he was rarely too focused on his own release, keen on making sure you felt good. this particular position was a favourite of yours, it helped him reach inside you deeper and it increased the tightness around his cock, stimulating both of you in the most delicious way.
“you know,” his tone was soft, almost as if he were talking to you while reading a newspaper over breakfast and not fucking you. “you’re always so pretty for me.”
san leaned down and pressed featherlight kisses to the back of your calves, trailing them down to the back of your knees and causing a stampede of butterflies you forcefully swallowed. the pace of his thrusts was almost frustratingly slow, making you feel how his length filled you so thoroughly.
his hands grasped the back of your thighs and moved your legs carefully, to hook them around his waist. when he was fucking you like this, with this gentleness, he liked missionary. he liked it because it gave him a clear view of how your face contorted with the pleasure only he can provide you with. because he could lean down and kiss you and swallow all your moans.
“o-oh san…” you whimpered against his lips as he gave a sharp thrust different from all the other ones.
in response, he bit your lip and pulled it slightly before releasing it. san brushed his fingers over your cheekbone as he leaned his face back to watch the muscles of your face twitch and go slack. “hm, did you like that, baby? your sounds are like music to my ears. all your whimpers and moans, i never want to stop hearing them.”
you felt your nails digging into his biceps as he increased his pace just a bit, the contrast between his sudden roughness and the featherlight touches of his hands sliding up and down your glistening body making your head spin. he hummed, his eyes rich with all kinds of emotions as they surveyed the moaning mess you were.
“i love that no one else gets to see you like this.” he angled his hips a little differently so his whole cock dragged along your most sensitive spots. he reached one of his hands down to let his thumb circled your swollen, abused clit. “that no one else gets to feel you or be inside you. they don’t get to have you… but i do.”
something about the way he whispered those words so possessively. it sent your mind reeling and had your walls clenching around him tightly as another orgasm washed over you. your body shook and writhed beneath him, overwhelmed for a moment. you opened your mouth in a silent moan, but his hand moved to your chin to nudge it shut so he could finish with his own groans muffled against you.
a little after that, he pulled out of you, both of you shuddering as he collapsed on top of you with his head between your breasts. san’s hands traced from your shoulder to your hands, holding them as if they were delicate and could break at any second, his hazy mind calming down as he listened to your heartbeat and felt the rise and fall of your chest. when you squeezed his hands, he sat up slightly dropping your right hand to hold onto your left one with both of his. he brought it up to his face and kissed your palm.
you let him, watching him silently as your cheeks warmed with heat and your stomach stirred with something other than arousal. he placed heartfelt pecks against your palm before he moved his lips to press more pecks on the inside of your wrist and then up your arm, all the way until he got to your shoulder. there, he lifted his lips, but not for very long as he placed a kiss against the spot over your heart and then continued travelling upwards. his tender kisses littered your neck and cheek until, finally, he pressed a firm kiss to your lips.
you shivered and held him close, not quite processing how intimate all of this was. but soon enough, he got up from the bed and returned with a fresh pair of boxers on and a wet towel. he took ahold of your ankles and pulled you to the edge of the bed so your knees hang off it. spreading your knees apart, he kneeled on the ground, eye level with the area he intended to clean.
as he wiped away all the cum and arousal, you twitched every now and then, stinging from the slight overstimulation. whenever you flinched, he’d pull his hand back and glance up at you, not continuing until he saw your discomfort eased. occasionally he’d press his lips against the inside of your thighs and your kneecaps, mumbling sweet words against them.
“you did so well, just relax now, love.” “does this feel okay, it’s not too much, is it?”
once he was done, san took the panties he had haphazardly tossed away from the bed and slid them up your legs, patting your hips once he got them on you. figuring you’d be cold, he also grabbed a shirt from his closet, slipping his hand under your back to help you sit up (though you weren’t that exhausted, but who were you to complain?) and dressing you in the soft, grey material. 
when you woke up the next morning, you were facing each other, legs tangled under the sheets. he was already awake, absentmindedly tracing shapes on the skin of your waist under the shirt as he looked at you. there a warm smile spread itself onto his face when he noticed you were awake. his hand moved to the small of your back and drew you closer, holding you tightly and kissing your forehead.
briefly you considered asking what he saw you as. sure, after you slept together he’d usually be very affectionate. but something was different last night; the lingering kisses, the intimacy, the shockingly affectionate tenderness of his eyes. you pushed those thoughts away. there was no way he thought of you the way you thought of him.
still, a part of your soul couldn’t help but stay hopeful as he hesitantly uttered his next words.
“you wouldn’t, uh, maybe, want to stay for the rest of the day, would you? i just really don’t want this to end.”
you stopped yourself from cooing at his nervousness, nodding slowly. “i’d love to stay.”
“good.”
a beat of silence followed that, neither of you sure of what to say next. it was an awkward or uncomfortable silence, it was calm. the few rays of sunlight that got past his curtains provided the room with a soft glow, the pair of you engulfed by the warmth of the blanket.
he brought your hand up to his face and, much like the night before, pressed a kiss to your palm and then your wrist. the sensation left tingles on your skin and your breath hitched, something he took note of with a smirk.
“can i have my hand back yet?” you asked jokingly, your chuckle ringing through his ears.
“hmmm,” he nipped at your wrist, “no.”
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