#and also that people get bullied for portraying him fat... That too | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

shinahbee · 3 years

Text

January Favorites 2021!

GREETINGS

------------------------------------------

February 06. 2021

Hello,

I actually wrote a lot for this month, perfect way to start off the new year! I have been catching up and watching some dramas and some of the new anime this season, which i’ll discuss a few down below. I’m just realizing that the manhwa recommendations list is growing very long and it reading those titles that i have discussed made me reminisce on some of them and most of which I would re read again. I tried to read some shoujo manga again and thought the stories were shit, so i don’t think i’ll ever go back. I’m thinking of starting some shoujo manhwa’s because I have a few titles that seemed like they might have an interesting plot line. I’ll list in in my favorites if I do end up reading those, but so far i’m still filtering the BL titles .lol.

I’m just going to put this out there now before you read the “Hell segment” I mentioned a few titles that were popular that i dropped and I listed the reasons why i dropped it, they are popular for a reason and if you like that and don’t take the plot line too seriously then that’s on you, but i don’t like the subject matter being glorified rather than “lesson learned” if you know what i’m saying so take my comments down there with a grain of salt...it’s just how i read it and interpreted the subject matter, it has nothing to do with the creator and their thoughts. This is going to apply to all of my reviews, they are just my opinions only so don't take what i say seriously if it you are offended that i happen to diss your favorite manga.

Anyways, i have no music recommendations this month all i have been listening to is podcasts, so listening to people talk about nothing.lol. That’s what my life has come to...

If you would like I can share a few that I have been listening to, let me know.

Alright, you all have a lot to read to i’ll just end here.

--------------------------------------------

MANHWA/MANGA/WEBTOONS

--------------------------------------------

Recap:

Whose baby is it? (ongoing)

Social temperature (ongoing)

Salad days (ongoing)

To be or not to be (ongoing)

Path to you (completed)

Here u are (completed)

BJ alex (completed)

No way, vampires don't exist (ongoing)

Unintentional love story (ongoing)

Karasugoka don’t be shy! (Completed)

Semantic Error (ongoing)

Tied up in Twins (Completed)

My Suha (ongoing)

Crash into me (Completed)

Dine with a vampire (ongoing)

So crash into you is now finished and you can now read the entire thing, so happy it ended really well and of course if you have seen my last favorites journal I made and entire post dedicated to this manhwa. The story is really heart breaking and definitely deals with more adult and mature content and it really is disturbing in some parts, so viewer discretion is advised.

That’s all i have to announce as an update, the rest is still ongoing. This month I came up with certain themes for my hell segment, last month I started with some manhwa that all had a common theme of Scum antagonists that you will run into when reading these manhwa, some of which ranges from mild inconvenience to this piece of shit should be set on fire. If you have not read that please check it out and watch me rant about stupid people.

This week featured another theme that you will run into reading shounen ai/ yaoi manhwa and manga, it’s a very universal theme of “threesomes”...I don’t get it, I don’t get why people think that’s okay to have three dicks in a room...i’m like there’s three dicks here, that’s way too many..lol. to each their own I guess, but i’ve selected three to talk about that also deals with mature themes and a bunch of people making poor decisions.

But before that, let’s talk about the normal shounen ai manhwa/manga that I have to recommend this month.

-----------------------------------------------

Welcome to heaven

-----------------------------------------------

1) Inner Beauty:

“Minjae’s been dumped. Fed up with their long distance relationship, his actress girlfriend Hye-Eun left him while he was “finding himself” in Australia. When Minjae rushes home and runs into Hye-Eun and her gorgeous new man, Woochan, at the airport, drama ensues. Amidst the chaos, the two love rivals bang heads. Upon waking, they discover they’ve changed bodies! Why have they switched? How will they cope? Will they ever be able to go back? Find out as Minjae and Woochan embark on a journey that takes “self-discovery” to a whole new level!”

Firstly this reminded me of the k-drama secret garden, if you have seen it you know that the main protagonists switched bodies at some point and with this manhwa, it happens in the first chapter. I liked how the relationship between the two boys started with minjae’s girlfriend leaving him for another man woochan, and after minjae and woochan switched bodies because he wanted to give the girlfriend a necklace as a gift , he switched bodies with woochan after bumping into him. They went to a shaman to seek out various ways to get back into their bodies while they find out things about each other that they were not aware of, in the end minjae and woochan were drawn to each other. The necklace is a tribal ornament that has a mysterious power to show a person’s past through their dreams. It seems that the reason why their bodies keep switching was because there was another necklace that was similar that was supposed to be it's partner; they go a try to search for the mysterious phenomenon surrounding the necklace that leads to their relationships with other people changing.

my favorite part of this story is that woochan and his father didn't get along very well because of a misunderstanding, while other parents didn't admit to their mistakes, woochan's father wanted to do so and repair his relationship with woochan, which made the story more compelling. Theres so many manga plot lines whee the parent is abusive and harsh and never did they think it was thier fault, but in this story woochan's father mans up to the things he did and how it affected woochan and i'm really happy about that.

Another thing I like about this story is the end where woochan who was an actor turned director made a film about his and minjae’s relationship because he wanted their story to be remembered and inspire other relationships that were similar to their own to overcome their hardships. This story has so much meaning and it’s something I would recommend to anyone who just likes a good story.

2) False Memories (lee gpiee):

” Wan’s got a face that scares everyone away before he can really become friends with anyone. So when Ha-woon befriends Wan on his first day at his new school, Wan is elated. Ha-woon must be an angel! It doesn’t take long, though, for Ha-woon to betray him in a terrible way, and Wan discovers Ha-woon might be more devil than angel. But then an accident happens that gives Wan a second chance at friendship with his angel. And it all starts with one big, fat lie.”

This one is really interesting, it is about a boy named wan and he was the new transfer student at a new school and how despite how he looks he wanted make friends this time around. Hawoon met wan when he was climbed off of a tree and fell on him, he immediately took a liking to him and befriended him, being very grateful to have finally met a friend he wanted to be a very likable person to hawoon, but then it was discovered that hawoon had many secrets and is not the kind person he is portrayed to be. There was an incident where one of his followers was spying on him and he wanted wan to essentially beat that person up in front of his other gang members. Obviously wan didn’t want that and this caused some strife between the two of them and wan began to be bullied by hawoon and his gang members. Later hawoon was trying to escape from his brother who went to his apartment to look for him and ran into wan who hides him over night, things tooka turn for the worse when hawoon thinks wan is being really nosy about his business and pushes him away and that is when the guy who hawoon wanted to beat up his him on the head and hawoon woke up with amnesia. Being the only person who had witnessed that, wan brought hawoon back to his place, when hawoon woke up with no previous memories of wan he lied to him claiming to be his best friend and the tow of them started to pursue this new friendship, of course things don’t last forever and the both of them discovered that hawoon in fact had many secrets that he preferred to keep under wraps especially about his family.

I know a lot of comments have said that it was stupid to lie to him about being friends but I understand that it was wan’s way to know the real hawoon. Hawoon’s personality was built by the lack of trust he has received from people and he was never able to open up to a person about anything. I really liked how the incident ended up saving their relationship in the end and they have a lot of cute moments together while going from being friends to being in love with each other. This is a very wholesome story and if you like that plot you will like this story, it really is not complicated.

3) Hand in Hand:

“While running a small pharmacy in the outskirts of the city, Sam meets a mysterious and out of place patient. This man named noah who was covered in bruises every time he had stopped by the pharmacy, Sam noticed that he seems to be in worse shape every time they meet and became curious as to why that might be, one day he saw noah getting into a shady van with a bunch of people and discovered that this town had a secret that kept everyone involved very secretive. Noah who was discovered to be a part of that society still goes and sees sam in order to be close to him, sam was then reeled into his world and became part of that society that was kept hidden.”

Sorry I had to write that summary on my own cause I could not find a good summary, so basically the pharmacy was inherited by Sam when his father passed away in this small town, there was no one to take over for him so Sam had to give up his dream of staying away from this town to moving back to take over the family business, There one night upon closing he meets a man covered in bruises while coming in to buy some alcohol and cigarettes, he treated him because it looked painful and was curious about him,

This curiosity escalated when he saw him get into a van with a bunch of ugly dudes, the pharmacy assistant said that there were gangs running around and it was best to avoid these people. Sam made the assumption that it was these men that were beating that man up and decided to pull him away from them. Noah then introduced himself to sam as they walk back to noahs apartment and he showed some interest in sam and asked what he wanted as payment for his treatment, Sam of course didn’t want anything which made noah surprised, but relayed to him that the offer still stands when he feel like telling him.

Not only being curious that noah shows up in front of him each time with more bruises but the fact that he may have discovered the town had a secret.

It was in fact an underground gambling scene that caused a lot of people to be very irritable, noah was involved in this and called it “work” as he had a debt to pay back to the person that took him in. Sam didn’t want to be involved but because of his interest in noah the two of them became romantically involved upon a few meetings and Sam started to develop feelings for him and likewise noah was in love with Sam. I’m not going to spoil the end because it was really intense, if you like mysterious plot points to your story this one will do the trick, it will keep you guessing as to what will happen next.

4) Stanning 101:

“Ji-Yul Park is an ordinary office worker who spends his spare time stanning a boy group, unlock and more specifically it’s leader, Jay.One day, he time travels back to his past where he encounters Juno, another idol and becomes his manager.What happenes when Juno develops feelings for Ji-Yul? Would Ji-Yul choose loyalty with Juno or his fanboy fantasy with Jay? And what is the purpose for Ji-Yul traveling back to the past-what is he supposed to repair or change?”

I’m not going to lie this title...don’t let it fool you, I thought this was going to be a satire on the whole K-pop fandom and just a story poking fun at k-pop fans...but boy was I fooled..LOL. This summary doesn’t even begin to describe how deep this story goes.

So as the summary says it’s about a fan named ji yul who is a stan of a group called “unlock” and his favorite member Jay was going to leave for military service and he was really bummed about not being able to see him for a while, so he went out drinking with his friends who share the same interest and cried his eyes out wishing that he could go back to the time when jay and his group first debuted.

And of course....that happened some how he was enabled into a time skip backwards to when the group first debuted. He first met up with a roommate that he was going to be sharing a room with, this was none other than juno a trainee a small company, Juno was a sensation later on in history and he was a rival of the unlock, and of course being a stand of jay he didn’t like the idea of being around juno. Upon meeting ji yul was already drunk and the next morning found juno and him had slept on the same bed, this made things between them awkward. But upon a series of events he became juno’s manager and inevitably began to understand the person juno is and how hard he worked, as well as his ties with jay. While trying to figure out what was the reason for the time skip he met another person who was sent back to the same time for a different reason his name was suho, and suho was here for another person named rose who was a in a different group. Rose is a sunbae of Juno’s and the two of them are acquainted, But there was something about Rose that was alluring and that made his “ sponsors” want to see him all the time, this lead to a lot of conflict within his group, saying that he’s the kind of person who would sleep around with anyone that has money.

Suho was a fan of rose and the reason he came back was because in his time he had found out that Rose had committed suicide, now....this is a topic that i feel very strongly about as you may know if you listen to k-pop news there are certain group members from famous groups that have committed suicide as of late, a lot of which was diagnosis of depression,

This story deals with not only suho having had gone through depression and suicide attempts but Rose who was going through that as well, Suho wanted to make sure rose stays alive, so when he was able to meet him he did all he can to be beside him and get him away from these sponsors that clearly only want one thing from him. This had made rose and suho close enough to develop romantic feelings towards each other, it gave rose the courage to confront the ceo from the company. In the end the company ceo was being a dick and tried to force rose to sleep with these people in order to get chances to be on screen and promote their group. One of their members knew from the start what rose had to go through and after rose was being hunted down by the ceo after disappearing, the member took footage from the ceo of all the nasty things he made rose do and gave it to Suho? I don’t remember this part well, but suho somehow go the usb footage and saw that rose had been sexually abused and assaulted by those men. Rose had went to see suho at the time and saw that he found the footage, at that moment he wanted to jump off the railings because he felt ashamed, but suho explained that it was rose’s music that saved him from doing the same thing he tried to do which was of course suicide.

Needless to say, at least in this story suho’s love for rose was able to keep him alive and as soon as suho w able to convey that he had disappeared and asked rose to find him in the future. I chose to write about Suho’s story because I just want to put it out there that suicide and depression are real struggles and to please seek help as soon as you can. Back to ji yul and juno, they in fact had developed feelings for each other and ji yul was sent back because he was in car accident with juno and in the both of them lost their memory of each other that was why ji yul only remembered Jay and being a fan of unlock while not remembering the times he shared with juno and how much he loved him. This made. He was able to tell juno after some time that he is in fact from the future and the both of them tried different ways to preserve the time that they had before ji yul would be sent back. Ji yul tried to defy fate but it turns out the accident happened to juno being in the car without having him there, meaning things will still take its course and you can cheat fate. So ji yul grabbed juno who was still unconscious and put him into the passenger’s seat and said his goodbyes to him, wishing for them to meet again even though knowing that it could be impossible for them to be together in the future he drove into the upcoming traffic. Ji yul woke up again back in the time he belonged the only thing he can remember was seeing juno’s picture in front of him and tears leaving his eyes.

Omg this is a k-drama all in one package, this is where i’ll stop because the manhwa is not finished, so if you liked my summary of it so far please read the actual thing, you will not be disappointed, I promise you.

-------------------------------------------------

Welcome to hell

-------------------------------------------------

I don’t know how to begin this segment after writing all of that for the heaven’s segment, those stories were just so good compared to the trash that i’m about to share here. But most of the trashiest stories have more complex plot points than normal stories. I mean you need to go through hell to come out the other side right?

*warning* this section talks about mature content! 18+ only, read at your own risk!

Let’s begin then.

1) Private lessons:

“Hajoon has been crushing on Eun-woo ever since they started college together, but he hasn’t had any opportunities to get close with him. At least they have a class together this semester: a lecture taught by the popular Professor Seo Joohyuk. Hours after the first class, Hajoon remembers he left his assignments in the classroom. Upon reaching the lecture hall, he becomes witness and accomplice to a series of private lessons Joo-hyuk is giving Eun-woo—lessons that unleash his own deepest, riskiest desires.”

I’m starting off strong ...oh where to begin? This story has so many messed up characters, I’d have to say all three of them are messed up. Firstly I don’t care if your professor looks like a dilf (urban dictionary if you don’t know what it means) you should never get involved with them. Lol. And I don’t know what school you people go to to have professors that look like this...all of mine were crusty old men who were mean and arrogant.

I makes me sick to think that there are some older men that would take advantage of people like the way Joohyuk did with Eunwoo and Hajoon. Hajoon just wanted to get Eunwoo’s attention, but because of joohyuk, he took “notice me senpai” to the next level. but I guess i understand from hajoon’s point of view that if he does nothing, he will never be change his relationship, so if he liked him then getting involve would be a way in. Eunwoo was so enthralled with joohyuk that he would just be a sex partner knowing that he would never have potential feelings for him in the end. I did feel sorry for him at first but then there was this part in the story where they were all preparing for this festival thing and he and hajoon were in a group and had to be waiters for the night of the festival, this was when eunwoo started to somewhat show interest in hajoon. Then that fricken dilf was like “you’re doing things on your own and i’m going to show you why you shouldn’t defy me...” or something like that, asserting dominance saying that eunwoo would always choose me over you to hajoon, and indeed on the night of the festival when he was supposed to work, shit went down between hajoon and this senior and fight broke out while hajoon was defending eunwoo , only later to find out that eunwoo was screwing the dilf in his office while all this was going on, I think i felt my veins snap...this idiot had the audacity to f around with that dilf while hajoon was working his ass off and even defended him. Smh....anyways in the end Eunwoo fell in love with hajoon and gave up on his feelings over joohyuk, knowing that joohyuk will always look at his other partner seojin. So in the end it worked out, but this whole story is a dumpster fire of trash.

So moral of this story is don’t get involved with dilfs, don't simp for them...lol. Just don’t do it. I don’t recommend this story for the content but if you are into trash and BDSM, then maybe this is the one for you.

2) Behind the scenes:

“Korea’s hunkiest top model Woo Taeyoung has decided to try his hand at acting once more. No more of those teen heartthrob roles, Taeyoung has his eyes set on a much more…mature role. And when he finds out his idol, the dreamy Koo Min-ki, is set to be one of the main actors of the film, he is even more determined to get the role as his co-star. The two seem to have a natural chemistry with each other…both on and off screen. Will this end up helping their performances? Or will it cause their worlds to come crashing down?”

This story is a also a dumpster fire of flaming garbage, it starts off with a model turned actor named taeyoung who works mainly as a model but is secretly a fan boy of another famous actor named minki and he went to his fan signing in disguise, only to be discovered by the fans and cause a racket and minki ended up injuring himself. This caused taeyoung to be able to meet minki in the most embarrassing way, but he wanted to make it up to him by helping him until his injury was recovered. One night minki was driven home by taeyoung and they ran into another popular actor named wonho...(monsta x..lol. i’m so kidding don't kill me...) and this dude saw minki coming out of taeyoung’s car and immediately became violent...

there it is red flag!

Turns out wonho was minks boyfriend, taeyoung only knew that his favorite actor minki was in a 10 year long relationship with his girlfriend, says the media, but he didn’t know that it was a man...and this violent piece of shit at that. Taeyoung had heard rumors of wonho being excessively violent to anyone who comes near minki and anyone who has worked with him always was threatened by wonho. So even though taeyoung reluctantly left minki with wonho he still was really worried, rightfully so.

Wonho is the worst kind of garbage out there; even being in a relationship he still forced minki into having sex with him. This is rape, even if you are in a relationship it means the same thing it’s non consensual and disgusting. Not only this but being violent to everyone that is near minki, is enough for anyone to end this relationship. But minki was that idiot who believed that the old wonho he once knew would come back one day and so this ongoing relationship abuse lasted for a long time. Taeyoung of course got an opportunity to make his acting debut, and auditioned for the of minki’s character’s lover, it was the first queer film in production so to the director it was a passion project that he wanted to see succeed. He passed the audition and showed his potential and chemistry with minki on screen very well, so the director was happy casting him in the role. But of course guess who finds out and showed up on the film set...wonho. He obviously made minki uncomfortable and also taeyoung, but in series of events taeyoung went to the bathroom and found wonho and minki making out inside and realized the person he admired was gay and was in a relationship with wonho for a long time. Later on he got to know minki more and found that he had romantic feelings towards him rather than just admiration. Because minki and wonho’s relationship was abusive minki was contemplating on ending it but didn’t have the courage to, it was taeyoung who showed genuine feelings for minki that was able to push minki to move forward. So while this was going on, wonho was in fact being sponsored by a certain person in order to get roles in his acting career, this person was taeyoung’s cousin...yeah i know messed up,. This dude is very toxic and made things go wrong between wonho and minki and that’s how their relationship went downhill for 10 years. Anyways to sum it all up a lot of stuff went down and wonho’s actions were no longer acceptable and as soon as minki found out this ongoing sexual relationship between wonho and taeyoung’s cousin, he broke it off with him finally and moved around different places for a while since wonho would not leave his apartment he couldn’t go back. Taeyoung and minki ended up dating each other now and he succeeded as a model turned actor with this role. Wonho after a series of events was able to let minki go after seeing him one last time and apologizing for everything he’s done to him. The movie was very successful and won many awards and the ending of the series just showed taeyoung and minki talking about their relationship on screen and off screen to the viewers...hence the title “behind the scenes”

Okay this trash made me angry and sad at the same time since it talked about a relationship that has gone bad and two people refusing to leave it since they have been together for a long time. You know when you should end things and if a person starts to change there is no way for them to be the same again. So all in all this story is really good for depicting all sorts of relationship issues and drama. I would say yes give this read because the story itself says a lot about the writer and how they think. This is one of those stories the pull you into the depths of hell and once you resurface your see things in a different perspective.

3) Turn off the camera:

“Yeon Jihoon is the leader of an idol group that’s hit a dead-end in their career. Now, he’s received a golden opportunity to save his group: a spot on the year’s most anticipated reality show, where he’ll spend two weeks living and filming with top stars Do Yoojin and Seon Yohan. The one threat to the show’s success? Yoojin and Yohan won’t stop having sex with each other. To stop a scandal from tanking the show and his career, Jihoon must keep his co-stars’ antics hidden from the cameras at all costs. Will Jihoon be able to keep these steamy shenanigans a secret for two weeks? And will he survive when both of his co-stars turn their attention on him?”

This is some straight up kinky garbage, like the description says, jihoon got the opportunity to promote his group by becoming a member in an upcoming reality show with two popular actors, the show is a reality show of the three of them living together doing daily activities while cameras are installed in their home. You can see where this is going right? When jihoon first arrived into the house to greet the other two actors; yoojin and yohan and he found the two of them in a room having doing sexual acts and even tried to cover for them when the camera crew arrived up stairs in the room.

After several attempts of the other two actors having sex at different points in time jihoon became very aware of the fact that they were doing this for the fun of not being able to get caught having sex on camera. So basically this was like a fun game to the two actors.

Yoojin and yohan were caught the third time by jihoon while having sex on the kitchen table and so the three of them had a discussion and jihoon made them sign an agreement not to touch him...of course that didn’t work and he was caught in unfortunate circumstances surrounding the both of them, to the point where both sex partners started to want to pursue jihoon for themselves.lol

This manhwa is just straight up kinky trash, it is meant to be a satire on three some relationships and not meant to be taken seriously, so just going by that, there’s not much point to the story, it’s not in depth it’s just interesting to watch jihoon reject these actors advances in order to save his virginity.lol. I feel like from the recent chapters jihoon maybe more interested in yoojin than yohan so i’m waiting to see if yohan even has a chance to be on jihoon’s radar.

This is still ongoing and it only has 20 chapters so far so i don’t have that much to say about it, this was just something really normal in terms of yaoi to read while I was reading some dark stories, the art is really nice too if that is of any interest to you.

*********************************

So there are a couple of series that are quite popular that I have left out because I have dropped then fairly early on. one series called “Hate or Love” which i started a while back then and didn’t like the whole plot of having an abusive sibling forcing another sibling into a sexual relationship... i’m like nope...

This manhwa should have just been called “ Domestic boyfriend” I would have avoided it all together, because I have read “Domestic girlfriend” it is essentially the theme, and a giant dumpster fire of flaming garbage.

The main reason i stopped it was because the other person that I was hoping the main guy would end up with didn’t end up as the “ winner” well from what the comments said anyways, cause i stopped fairly early on when i found out the guy i liked was not going to be the end game, that makes me sad cause from the early chapters that i have read, there was a lot of sexual tension between the two of them and I was hoping this author would not push abusive sibling relationship as the plot...but looks like she did ...and i don’t care for it and find it gross...but that’s my morals, even if they were not siblings by blood they grew up together as siblings...that’s still vastly inappropriate. I'm used to it since I grew up with Japanese anime and manga with incest themes, but it still bothers me.... Vampire knight...

Even if they were not even related, i still would not like that red haired dude regardless cause his character seems like a dick, and i don’t think he suffered enough consequences for his actions to make him a redeemable character in my opinion. And also...out of 7 billion people on this earth, you would rather be with your brother...smh.

Also if we are talking about using sibling relationships in a sexual way as a plot line, then how i interpret this manhwa is that it is focused on more of glorifying abuse and sexual relations between siblings rather than making the subject matter more serious, if you know what I mean. But to each their own if you just read it because it interests you then feel free to do so, i’m not interested and decided to just drop it early on.

The other one is called “ Yours to claim” another popular series but again I don’t like dark haired dude, I think he’s a dick and if it was me I’d choose the blonde guy, he seems like he would be a person that would treat me better. I just don’t understand the appeal of being treated like shit by people, if anyone treats you like that...please dump their ass! Because It’s not okay! Both of these have the “ other guy “ as the better option for a potential relationship but they always choose the other messed up abusive/ bad boy and i just don’t why...i just feel disappointed but literally not surprised since it’s an ongoing trope in any sort of romance based media.

But needless to say there is nothing for us as the audience to do but to read them, we don't make any calls on who the person ends up with and the plot lines that happen in the story, so that is that i guess.

I’m having a mental breakdown just thinking about these two series, i included then briefly cause they fall into this weeks’ theme of trash.

--------------------------------------------------

MUSIC

--------------------------------------------------

Nothing special to share in this department this month, mostly listening to podcasts .lol.

------------------------------------------------------

K-DRAMAS/SHOWS

-------------------------------------------------------

The tale of nokdu:

I described this drama as the mulan reversal, if you know the story of mulan, she dresses up as a man and goes into the imperial army camp to fight in the war in place of her father, nokdu is an adopted child that was suddenly hunted down by a bunch of assassins one day and instead of fleeing with his father and older brother he decided to follow the assassin into the city since he was able to injure them in the leg. He followed the assassin into town and was almost able to catch them when he was suddenly arrested from a disturbance another young man in town has caused. Later he found out that the assassin was heading to a village that was out of sight and exclusively to women, in order for him to go in he would need to dress up as a woman, the opportunity arose when he helped a young woman escape from the village with her husband and she gave him her clothes in exchange for his to escape. He then infiltrates the village and now has to chase after the assassin and try to kill the mastermind behind the assault on his family. But what he discovers was more than what it seems. This is 16 episodes and is completed if you want to watch it; I recommend it since its really good.

True beauty:

Everyone and their mother is watching this web toon turned drama, I say this cause my sister who gave up watching any k-dramas watched this one and read it...this is something, she doesn’t like a lot of things so i decided to watch it after she told me it was good. I watched it and I didn’t like it mainly because the problems in here is very much a young adult type of problem, like having acne and having to deal with bullies at school, these are all problems you mainly deal with when younger so none of this drama is relatable so I didn’t enjoy it. If you like the high school romance drama setting you might like this, but I have watched so much more meaningful dramas, this doesn’t do it for me.

That’s all the dramas I have watched so far, I mainly have been listening to podcasts instead of watching anything, I find it hard to find an interesting drama to watch these days, I have been enjoying listening to people talk about nothing lol.

-------------------------------------------------------

ANIME

---------------------------------------------------------

Haikyuu:

Finished Haikyuu season 4 part 2, I left this for a while so that all the episodes were finished and every time I watch it i gives me the same feeling every time. This part focuses on a lot of characters that were not fully flushed out in the first few seasons, like tanaka and nishinoya and one of the bench players...i forgot his name. I really like their portrayal of hinata this season he really is the saving grace of karasuno, not because of his obscure skills in volleyball or incredible stamina but because he’s playing volleyball because he loves it and it is fun even if the stakes are high. I feel a lot of the players here this season were so stressed they forgot that the game is supposed to be fun, and he keeps reminding them that it is what it is and that they should live in the moment. I loved seeing that develop in his character because i feel like there was too much focused on kageyama for a while and I wanted to see more of hinata’s growth.

So I was pleased with season 4 and I can’t wait to see more, haikyuu is really one of those anime that people are widely talking about now and it really is well deserved.

Skate the infinity:

Another sports anime about skate boarding, the animation is really nice and art style is really beautiful. I know there are so many sports anime out there now but this one is really interesting, I like the relationship between the two main characters reki and langa, it reminds me of the friendship between riku and sora in Kingdom hearts, reki teaches langa how to skate board from scratch and langa being a previous snow boarder was able to race one of the best contenders in the underground skating rink and beat them in a match but of course he isn’t a genius so he wanted to learn everything from the ground up since he thought it was fun. Lol. I like seeing the progress so far in their skating journey, this anime is really wholesome.

Dr. Ramune mysterious disease specialist:

This is a very satire anime, It is really comedic and deals with a doctor treating weird diseases, like the first episode there was a girl with a disease that made her cry out condiments as tears. It's actually very interesting in terms of the types of diseases they treat in each episode and how he uses these magical items to do so, that is a really bad explanation for this show but please watch it .It’s interesting so far and I’ll write more as it finishes.

so as a finishing statement, I hope you all enjoyed the favorites for January, I have been able to catch up on a lot of things which is why I have so many things to talk about this month, I already have the next theme for the Hell segment planed out for next month, so I can't wait to share that, if you like the manhwa recommendations and my excessive ranting so far.

until then. please take care of yourself and your love ones ! lunar new years is coming up, have a great year and I hope 2021 will be a lot better please follow me on my social media listed below if you'd like

thanks!

sheena

---------------------------------------------

SOCIAL MEDIA

---------------------------------------------

Instagram: shinb_art

Tumblr: shinahbee

Deviantart: she-be.deviantart.com

---------------------------------------------

43 notes · View notes

chillyravenart · 4 years

Note

Do you think the first Rhaenys could be described as a “good Targaryen” like Alysanne or Daeron? I mean yeah she took care of the smallfolk and loved music, poetry etc. But also she was rumored to be accused in adultery and her japes about “the yellow toad of Dorne” doesn’t makes her seem like a very nice person. Just wanna know your opinion, have a good day😊

Hi anon! Lmao I see a lot of Rhaenys hate (from a particular group lol) on here for some reason and I genuinely don’t understand it! Gosh, I really wish people would actually READ the texts properly before passing such sweeping judgements lmao but if that was the case, the asoiaf fandom wouldn’t be such a cesspool of self-righteousness right? So here’s my opinion: Rhaenys never did a thing wrong in her life and anyone who says otherwise is a wet blanket. Don't you think it's suspect when how the maesters portray Rhaenys as a wanton adulteress and Visenya as a stone-cold bitch? I certainly do!

Queen Rhaenys was a very instrumental figure in the Conquest, and exercised “soft power” which is the use of diplomatic and persuasive forms of politics, usually by the use of cultural or economic means. We know this because Fire and Blood spells it out for us:

Queen Rhaenys was a great patron to the bards and singers of the Seven Kingdoms,showering gold and gifts on those who pleased her. Though Queen Visenya thought her sister frivolous, there was a wisdom in this that went beyond a simple love of music. For the singers of the realm, in their eagerness to win the favor of the queen, composed many a song in praise of House Targaryen and King Aegon, and then went forth and sang those songs in every keep and castle and village green from the Dornish Marches to the Wall.

Rhaenys also took a "great interest in the smallfolk, and had a special love for women and children” and was responsible for incorporating the “rule of six/rule of thumb” into common law after a man had beaten his wife to death after being found abed with another man. This is also detailed in F&B but I shall add it below:

The right of a husband to chastise an erring wife was well established throughout the Seven Kingdoms (save in Dorne). The husband further pointed out that the rod he had used to beat his wife was no thicker than his thumb, and even produced the rod in evidence. When the queen asked him how many times he had struck his wife, however, the husband could not answer, but the dead woman’s brothers insisted there had been a hundred blows.

She consulted her maesters and her septons on the matter before passing her judgement on the man.

An adulterous wife gave offense to the Seven, who had created women to be faithful and obedient to their husbands, and therefore must be chastised. As god has but seven faces,however, the punishment should consist of only six blows (for the seventh blow would be for the Stranger, and the Stranger is the face of death). Thus the first six blows the man had struck had been lawful…but the remaining ninety-four had been an offense against gods and men, and must be punished in kind... (The husband was taken to the foot of the Hill of Rhaenys, where he was given ninety-four blows by the dead woman’s brothers, using rods of lawful size.)

Rhaenys and Visenya were both equals when it came to policy-making and ruling Westeros alongside Aegon. And they both DELIVERED. Aegon’s chief objective was to unite the Seven Kingdoms, and Rhaenys and Visenya had their own methods of doing so- but Rhaenys in particular used very effective methods whether it was passing rulings on the common law or spreading the Gospel of House Targaryen😂 Similarly, Rhaenys and Visenya both arranged betrothals and marriages between the Houses of Westeros to further knit the kingdoms together.

Save perhaps for Good Queen Alysanne, the wife of King Jaehaerys I, no other queen in the history of the Seven Kingdoms ever exercised as much influence over policy as the Dragon’s sisters.

As for the “rumours” and “whispers” of Rhaenys sleeping around with bards- GOOD for her if she did, and GOOD for her if she didn’t. She had her man Aegon wrapped around her little finger, he spent ten nights with her for every night he spent with Visenya and if the rumours want to call her a floozy then bully for them. Funny how everyone goes cuckoo over Dornish sexual practise and liberation but lord forbid someone else have a lil fun on the side😂 Speaking of, lets get onto Meria Martell now. This is the entire exchange between them:

Meria Martell was eighty years of age, the maesters tell us, and had ruled the Dornishmen for sixty of those years. She was very fat, blind, and almost bald, her skin sallow and sagging. Argilac the Arrogant had named her “the Yellow Toad of Dorne,” but neither age nor blindness had dulled her wits. “I will not fight you,” Princess Meria told Rhaenys, “nor will I kneel to you. Dorne has no king. Tell your brother that.” “I shall,” Rhaenys replied, “but we will come again, Princess, and the next time we shall come with fire and blood.” “Your words,” said Princess Meria. “Ours are Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken. You may burn us, my lady…but you will not bend us, break us, or make us bow. This is Dorne. You are not wanted here. Return at your peril.” Thus queen and princess parted, and Dorne remained unconquered.

Someone please show me where Rhaenys japed or jeered at Meria. She didn’t personally name her The Yellow Toad, Argilac gave her that epithet and it was in common use by then lol, nor did she parlay with her in an insulting manner. She was there as an envoy to accept her fealty and win Dorne to her side. Later on during the campaign, Rhaenys told Aegon, “The Yellow Toad has melted into the sands” lmao but at this point if people are more concerned about name-calling then idk what to say. Nicknames are commonly used amongst the highborn and lowborn in Westeros, some are pleasant and some not so much - even amongst Targaryens. Aegon the Unworthy, Theon Stark the Hungry Wolf, Kingslayer, Brienne the Beauty, The Imp, Littlefinger, Harma the Dogshead, Whoresbane, Crowfood, etc are all nicknames in common usage! Calling someone a nickname doesn’t make them a bad person, if that was the case, the majority of characters in asoiaf are too🤦‍♀️

Rhaenys died very young, and her loss was keenly felt by her siblings, that much is certain. If she had lived longer, the histories may have turned out very differently! She was an astute, capable and lovable queen and the ultimate matriarch of House Targaryen. I personally believe she would have continued to be very instrumental in law-making and the lives of the smallfolk in Westeros, travelling with Aegon on his progress throughout the lands, holding her own courts and granting her patronage to many a singer and mummer. Good thing we have Queen Alysanne following in her grandmother’s footsteps and doing it for the people!

Long story short, you may or may not agree with the Conquest or House Targaryen in general - and that’s fine. We have a series filled with murderers and rapists and all kinds of unsavoury folks, but it kills me when people say Rhaenys wasn't a "good person" lmfaoooo just stan your bland favourites and stay outta Targaryens’ business!😂😂😂

Thanks for the question anon, hope you have a good day too!

#queen rhaenys targaryen #fire and blood #asoiaf #fanwank #anon asks #chillyravenart answers

164 notes · View notes

gaynoctgar · 4 years

Text

Prompto’s Brotherhood Arc is Fatphobic 2, Electric Boogaloo: Haley’s Back and She is Pissed

This essay is going to be an even deeper dive into the fatphobia that permeates Prompto’s character arc, and is going to handle the issue with more grace and nuance than I did the first time. This is also going to explore the effects the arc had on me as a player, and on other players who share my experiences. It is going to be very organized, long, and methodical (word count: ~5300). It’s a bit of a doozy, but it is something I feel it is very important. I have been wanting to elaborate on my previous Prompto essay for a long time, and for reasons I will detail below, I feel that I am ready to do this now.

Consider this a sequel to my earlier essay, and I will be referencing it throughout.

Stand back everyone; Haley’s about to get mean and personal.

Under the cut for safety and length, please avoid if the subject is triggering to you! Take care of yourselves!

Thank you all so, so much for hearing what I have to say.

TW: fatphobia, eating disorders (both in terms of Prompto and of the author)

Intro

All right everyone, buckle in. Last time I think I was a little bit too nice about this. Last time I think I let a little too much go. But I’m a full three years older now and I’ve seen a few more things. And now I think it’s time that I really just let loose and criticize the fuck out of Square for something they have consistently done wrong, and that is the way they have handled issues with weight in regards to one Prompto Argentum.

Many of you may know that Prompto is one of my favorite characters in anything ever. This very sideblog, in fact, used to be named for him (old url was promptoisbi). It’s because of this that I hate that he’s so consistently shit on by the narrative, but right now we are talking about the out-of-universe insidiousness of the fatphobia that completely permeates this story.

The first essay is right here but the TL;DR version of that is essentially “the way that Prompto’s weight loss in Brotherhood is portrayed as a moral and positive good and in fact necessary for him to be a protagonist is immensely fatphobic. Because the game refuses to problematize this, I am going to, and I’m going to contextualize that with my own experiences to help explain why this is so fucked.” At that time, I was recovering from long-term anorexia, and I think that permeated a lot of what I wrote. I don’t regret this, and I still think the essay is pretty solid. But I’m not a woman who won’t admit her own limitations, and one of mine at the time was that a lot of my fatphobia was internalized. Now that I am healing, now that I have talked to other people with experiences that mirror my own (notably @chubbyargentum), I think I am in a better place to articulate what upsets me.

The rest of the essay will be divided into six parts, themed as follows:

A redux of my central criticism in the first essay, that the narrative treats Prompto’s weight loss as a positive, moral good. In fact, it’s necessary for him to be seen as a protagonist.

Detailing that Prompto’s weight loss was directly motivated by another character, and this other character does not apologize to Prompto at all for his previous behavior. We are in fact supposed to believe that him saying what he said was a good thing.

Evidence that Prompto still legitimately has an eating disorder from his trauma. This goes unexamined by the story, and in fact seems to be actively encouraged by other characters, notably Ignis and Noct. This isn’t to bash the characters, but the way they are written.

Points 1 and 3 combined produce a genuinely triggering experience for players like me; this is where I detail some of my own history with weight and eating problems.

Anticipating pushback, I propose two alternative scenarios that avoid the problems outlined in parts 1-4: one where Prompto doesn’t lose weight, and one where he does but it’s handled a lot more sensitively.

A personal look at what (and who) actually motivated me to do a Part 2 to my essay.

Followed by a TL;DR conclusion if you want to jump right to the heart of things. I know this is a long essay, and I don’t apologize, but I do want to make it accessible to those who might have a harder time reading something so long.

Time to knock down these points, one by one:

Part 1: Equating Weight Loss to Morality

Prompto’s episode in Brotherhood, “Dogged Runner,” serves as our introduction both to Prompto as a character, and pulls double-duty to show us how he becomes involved in the life of a prince. Gladio and Ignis’ episodes did not have to do this double work because they are in Noct’s life by occupation, but Prompto, being a commoner, needs this introduction. Unfortunately, this episode is not twice as long to handle the double workload it gave itself, and the plot clearly suffers for it. For those who don’t remember, Prompto seems to be a child who more or less raises himself--a shy boy who is in the same grade as Noctis. He is quite obviously overweight, and the episode in fact chooses to focus the bulk of its attention on that rather than how he met Noctis (this will be explored in Part 2, below). This is what I take issue with.

Due to....an encounter, we’ll call it, with his royal classmate, Prompto becomes motivated to “improve himself to become someone worthy of a prince,” as described in Episode Prompto. Right off the bat, this description is implying that in order to be worthy of Noctis’ companionship--even independently of Noctis’ own actions, which will be problematized in the next section--he must be different than the way he is.

This...doesn’t make sense. We already saw that Prompto was a kind and generous soul, if rather shy. He took in “Tiny” of his own accord; he fixed her up and fed her and made sure she was healthy, solely out of the goodness of his heart. What else could this literal child need to “improve” about himself to make friends with Noctis? Well...the episode focuses on this in a way I would almost argue is objectifying. We see in excruciating detail how this literal child (I feel the need to mention again that Prompto is 12 years old and doesn’t seem to have consistent parents) approaches the world with a black-and-white mentality….that is, he seems to focus exclusively on eating salads and running an excessive amount (we’ll get to this more in Part 3). Further objectification occurs when we are shown repeatedly that a minor is taking “progress shots” of himself in his underwear.

A bit of a tangent, but the way that last one is drawn...y’all did remember Prompto was 14/15 at that time, right? Extra H points for Square, right there.

So yeah, once all of this happens, Prompto is finally deemed by the narrative to be acceptable enough to enter the life of a prince. Basically, if you’re fat, get a goddamn eating disorder and you can be a protagonist!

And I’m actually gonna take a second right now to address the more common, and generous, interpretation/criticism I am anticipating. I know what SE was trying to do here. They were trying to show us that Prompto’s “self-esteem” was the problem. That he needed to gain more confidence, and losing the weight didn’t actually solve that problem. I know this is the intent because the hotel scene exists. But...answer me this. Why is losing weight treated as an analogue for Prompto’s internal character growth? Why is losing weight an analogue for literally anything? If the issue was Prompto’s insecurity and shyness, there are a dozen other ways to show that. I can think of one right now: maybe have Noctis try to make friends and Prompto runs away because he gets nervous and tongue-tied and that’s the source of their lingering awkwardness. There you go, much better episode.

Part 2: Noctis is a dick

And I say this as a Noct stan. Y’all know I love him. With all my heart, I do. But...I don’t think he starts the game as a good person, in this respect at least. I do think he becomes one. And I think that his growth and maturation over the course of the game is absolutely a treat to watch.

I’m gonna immediately qualify this by saying I do not think Noct is a dick on purpose. Noctis is, in fact, unfailingly kind in most situations and this is one of his greater strengths. I just think he is just as much a victim of internalized fatphobia as Prompto is, despite not having the experience of being fat. I think two things contribute to this: biases that went unchecked by any of his caretakers, and genuine social difficulty brought about by his upbringing.

But now it’s time to get to….the incident. The reason these two know each other. After Prompto takes care of Pryna, she runs to deliver her letter to Noctis and eventually returns to Luna, as was her original mission. Luna, noticing Prompto’s name on a bandana tied around Pryna’s leg, tasks Gentiana to help her find this kind soul so she can thank him. Luna does, and Prompto receives a letter that soon becomes his prized possession. The princess operated on the assumption that Prompto and Noctis were friends, seeing as Prompto encountered Pryna, and asked that he remain “ever at [Noctis’] side.” Prompto takes these words to heart, and resolves to introduce himself to his royal classmate.

Here’s where the problems begin. We know that Prompto is shy because we have seen him before. He kinda kept to himself, away from the other kids, content to take his pictures. To Square’s credit, I was really expecting Prompto to be a target of bullying because of his weight and he wasn’t….yet. This actually makes his interaction with Noctis a lot worse, however. We all know what happens next: Prompto does try to introduce himself to the loner prince (who, by his own admission later, was also kinda shy), and he happens to trip. Noct goes to help him out because he’s kind at heart, and a confused Prompto thinks that Noctis means that he wants to see the camera. Noct is baffled and says something along the lines of “I meant you, dummy!” and goes to help Prompto up.

Honestly, end the scene here. They become friends because Noct is unexpectedly kind to someone he didn’t even know, and that sticks with Prompto, and they’re childhood best friends. Right? RIGHT?

If Square had had a modicum of decency, yes, this would have been how the scene closed. But then Noct had to open his fucking mouth. When trying to help Prompto up, he remarks that the poor boy is “heavy,” something that quickly and immediately impacts Prompto. Noct, also being 12, seems none the wiser and jovially heads off to meet Ignis. But Prompto? Prompto is….affected by this. He decides then and there that he has to not be heavy anymore if he wants to be Noct’s friend.

“But Haley!” I can hear y’all saying, “Isn’t it Prompto’s fault for internalizing a harmless comment in such a way? Why are you so angry at Noct because Prompto took it too seriously?” Or alternatively “Noctis was also a child, he didn’t mean it!!”

Well, it’s all about how the narrative treats the situation. I mentioned this before in Part 1, but the reason I’m mad at both Noctis and Square is because the narrative treats him as though he is in the right at all times. If the issue really was with Prompto as a character, then we wouldn’t have been shown his journey in such excruciating detail. We wouldn’t have been subjected to the downright harmful avenues he goes down in pursuit of this goal (see Part 3 for elaboration). We would have just seen Prompto trying to work on becoming more outgoing--maybe talking to his neighbors more often, for example.

One small scene in particular gets me here: we do see Noct return to the place where they met and he seems to be baffled by the fact that Prompto will not talk to him. We in fact know this to be the case because in the hotel scene, Noct explicitly says Prompto “should have said something sooner” in terms of starting their friendship. Now, this pisses me off for two reasons:

That this wasn’t addressed in Brotherhood itself. We see that Noct kinda wants to approach Prom again but doesn’t seem to know how. If we are assuming he messed up on accident, this would have been a great time for Ignis to tell him so, maybe motivate Noct to apologize.

That Prompto doesn’t immediately call Noct out for this line, or say something along the lines of “Well you kinda straight up insulted me when we first met.”

So, because neither of these scenarios is the case, I have to assume that Square wants us to think that Noct was correct to insult Prompto, and that him losing the weight is a good thing, in a narrative sense.

Finally, it’s straight up out-of-character for Noct to be this way. Not the misspeaking part, that is perfectly in-character. It’s the fact that this bias of his goes unchecked by Ignis or Gladio, and he is never made to apologize for hurting another person’s feelings. Part of growing up is realizing that sometimes your actions can hurt other people, even if you don’t intend for them to. The fact that the intent wasn’t there doesn’t mean the hurt wasn’t real. Since Square is so convinced that Noct needed to “mature” in this story...I am immensely disappointed that the opportunity wasn’t taken here for him to learn. And even more disappointed because I am pretty sure this is intentional. Every single one of Square’s fat characters is used as a side character or comic relief. In order for Prompto to be a protagonist, he had to lose weight, and to have Noctis--the central protagonist--be the character to directly motivate that is a slap in the face.

Part 3: Don’t Recover, Buddy!/ It’s actually good that you have “obesophobia”

So I know I put the trigger warning at the top of this, but I’m doing it again, because now I’m gonna talk about eating disorders. So this is your last chance to back out if that stuff is legitimately triggering, which I understand.

I’m gonna say it right now: Prompto has anorexia

[several people are typing…. .jpg]

I don’t think this is subtle, and I do think this is intentional, so let me break it down. Prompto exhibits a lot of the symptoms, and yes I am speaking from personal experience. He’s exhibited all of these from the moment Noct made that comment when they were kids, and, notably, only from that point on (hence why I wrote Part 2 the way that I did):

Prompto has an obsession with fixing meals. He’ll be the one that helps Ignis the most often. In Prompto’s case, this is a sign that he loves preparing the food, not so much partaking: classic hiding of symptoms. There is also the fact that most of the salads are his favorite meals, which yes, is a deliberate callback, but I don’t think it’s a good one.

Prompto runs a genuinely stupid amount. I think that exercise is well and good--I’m something of an exercise buff myself--but it’s the way that Prompto does it, to the point of exhaustion, that is a problem.

Despite being borderline underweight, Prompto legitimately still seems to think that he is still fat. This is supported by his reactions to multiple dialogues, which I’ll get to in a second, and the “obesophobia” thing on his character profile which….yeah I shouldn’t even have to explain that one. Prompto is legitimately afraid that he will gain weight--specifically, that he will be fat again.

The fact that according to that same profile, Prompto’s photography habit started when he took progress photos of himself!! So he’s also got some legit body dysmorphia going on.

These are the ones that are most obvious to me, anyway.

“Now okay, Haley,” y’all are furiously typing, “so what that Prompto has anorexia? That’s a relatable character flaw!”

Well….one, no it isn’t. A disorder of any kind is not a character flaw. I’d be willing to let that slide if the following were not also true: other characters seem to reinforce these behaviors of Prompto’s, and I am looking directly at Ignis and Noct. Let’s start with Ignis. I’m sure we have all gotten the random dialogue of

Prompto: All right, let’s hit up the Crow’s Nest! Ignis, for no fucking reason: If you wish to put on weight? Certainly. Prompto, defeated: Yeah, I know…

Every time I get this dialogue I want to yell and also want the option to kick Ignis out of the party. Also the fact that no one steps up on Prompto’s behalf (notably, you know, his goddamn best friend!!) is a bit of an Issue too. Another one involves Ignis, but I have only gotten it once, so I can’t remember it exactly, but Ignis says something to the effect that he can make “whatever [Prompto] wants” for dinner and Prompto says “Yeah, it’s the wanting that’s the problem.” That’s...that’s horrifying and y’all should be concerned for your friend.

To turn my attention back to Noct, objectively the most important person to Prompto, we need go no further than “Why is your face so fat?” in selfies.

This one legitimately made me mad. Prompto panics and retaliates with “What?? I’m not fat!!” (notably, he said “I” and not “my face,” which is a bit of a slip), and Noctis is supposed to be his best friend. I was somewhat okay with Noct being passive in the earlier incidents, because maybe he wanted to spare Prompto the group drama that would ensue, but Noct directly engaging in it actively pissed me off. I also want to say this isn’t me bashing on the characters in the slightest, I am simply calling attention to the way they are written. Because they are not called out by anyone else, because this behavior is treated as acceptable, I have to assume the narrative wants me to agree with them.

The only conclusion I can gather from this is that not only are the bros aware of Prompto’s disorder, but they actively encourage it. Which would only further Prompto’s assumption that they only will love and accept him if he looks a certain way. No wonder the poor kid was so freaked out about his barcode!

Part 4: This shit is triggering to players

The subtitle for this section should be “Haley talks about how deeply “Dogged Runner” affected her in a PTSD kind of way” because that’s what I’m going to be doing. Second trigger warning for eating disorders and weight talk, because that’s what this is gonna be. This also is not going to be nice. I have strong language for Square:

Here’s where I come clean about why this issue matters so fucking much to me, and why I am now freely and openly saying “fuck you” to Square every chance I get. When I first saw Brotherhood, I was at a stage in my life where I was not coping well with my body image. I had my first brush with anorexia in high school, but it was coming back because I was in a new place, and I felt like that was the only thing in my life that I could control. So I had been eating less and falling back into the habit, except...this time I had my support system. So I thought. I went into the anime wanting to learn more about the characters I had come to love, and I walked out of it thoroughly triggered and horrified that Square would stoop to such shoddy, lazy, and harmful storytelling.

I had...a moment, here. I won’t detail the breakdown too much but I was genuinely not okay. To see behaviors that I had ferociously clawed my way out of, and was violently resisting once more, portrayed not only as not unhealthy, but as desirable for people like me...it genuinely felt personal. And, I imagine I wasn’t the only player who felt that way. In fact, because I have talked to other people like me, I know this is the case.

Let me take you on a trip, for a moment. Humor me. Imagine you’re in your early 20s, and you’ve put a lot of ugly, horrible coping methods behind you. Imagine your best friend in the entire world, @nonbinary-recipehs, recommends this game they are playing, and you play it together and start to consume its media. Imagine the horror and dread that settles on the both of you watching this episode, which rings so similarly to the times you passed out from lack of food, from over-exercising, from over-straining yourself to be this idealized version of thinness. Imagine seeing that the outcome of this episode isn’t Prompto getting the support he needs from his friends, but that the narrative legitimizes his suffering. In fact, this brutal suffering and rapid loss of weight was necessary to justify this character’s relevance to the narrative! Imagine how that must make you feel. Maybe those coping methods that were so horrible actually weren’t. It worked for Prompto, maybe it’ll work for you!!

Perhaps that little thought experiment will help you understand what this whole situation can feel like to players like me, to people who have struggled with internalized fatphobia and with eating disorders, who have been called heavy, who have been made to feel as though their worth is in their thinness. Fuck you, Square. Fuck you for not having an ounce of consideration for how this might possibly look. Fuck you for not considering people like me as complete people. Fuck you for making me watch a character I love suffer, not to tragedy, but to an illness that could have been avoided if anyone had shown him even an ounce of respect or care or decency or decorum--

…

I did warn y’all I was angry, this time.

Part 5: Two Alternative Scenarios that would Avoid All This

“So Haley,” you’re saying, somehow having read past the rant in the previous section, “if Square did it so horribly, how would you have done it?”

That, my dear reader, is an excellent question. In fact, I’ve got two solutions, which I will explain and elaborate upon below:

The first is rather simple: Prompto doesn’t actually lose the weight and becomes a canonical fat character. Absolutely nothing else would change about the story or Prompto’s character except for the following:

Noctis would become curious as to why this new friend of his was avoiding him. He then has the opportunity to open up to Ignis or Gladio and reflect on what he said, and realize that he actually hurt Prompto’s feelings. This motivates him to apologize, and the two become Actual Childhood Friends.

Prompto just Has This Body Type Now and nobody says dick about it, that’s just the Way He Looks

You could explore internalized fatphobia I suppose but I don’t actually trust Square to do this sensitively. You know who I do trust? Liam ( @chubbyargentum ), who writes the Nighttime Sunshine AU and fic.

All of the previously mentioned fatphobic comments are completely removed because all the bros love and support him.

Prompto isn’t the comic relief because of his size, he just happens to be both. Yes, there is a difference, and no, I am not going to derail the essay by explaining that.

Prompto would still absolutely kick ass, take names, shoot people, love chocobos...all the shit he does in canon. But now, you have a character who didn’t have to be completely humiliated to get to this point. Now you just...have a guy who happens to be friends with the prince, because he is kind and caring.

But okay, let’s take another approach. Let’s say Prompto does still lose weight. How, then, do we accomplish this without being fatphobic or debasing Prompto’s character like canon did?

That leads me to solution 2: Prompto does lose weight, but it’s incidental. Let me explain what I mean here:

Let’s have a situation in which the apology does still happen as I outlined in the first solution. Childhood friends is a thing.

As such, Prompto becomes...increasingly curious at all the cool training Noct does.

Noct is….embarrassed about this, I think. Because Prompto doesn’t like Understand What It All Means...and they’re still pretty young. Noct doesn’t want him to understand.

But Prompto? He wants to be able to Do Cool Shit, especially if it means defending his best bro who also happens to be the prince. And he doesn’t want Noct to do any of this alone. He asks to train with Noct, no special treatment (except for like the fact that he legit can’t do magic).

Gladio...allows this, begrudgingly. Then, permanently, when he notices Noct tries harder as a result of showing off.

Prompto starts to learn how to take care of himself from Gladio, and from Ignis, who has...gathered that Prompto doesn’t exactly have parents, and becomes invested in helping him learn how to cook healthy meals for himself. Who knows? Maybe the healthy eating will rub off on Noct!

The result is that, over time, Prompto does lose some weight...and starts to bulk up as Puberty Happens. However. This is all incidental. Prompto never set out to lose weight because he hated himself or felt unworthy, like in canon. He set out to become strong and train with his best bro. This is absolutely critical.

With this solution, Prompto does lose weight, but doesn’t become the borderline underweight young man with an eating disorder we all know and love. Instead, he’s been brought up around healthier traditions, which makes him immensely more suited for the role of Crownsguard when that time comes. In fact, he might have entered it at age 18 just like Gladio and Ignis did, despite Noct’s protests. Another thing I like about this solution is that it shows how Prompto is friends with Ignis and Gladio; how those relationships developed independently of Noctis, and why these four really are the family unit the game wants me to think they are.

And with these two solutions, I believe I have laid out some much stronger backstories for our beloved boy that avoid all of the...unfortunate implications of his canon backstory. I only wish that Square had thought about their implications just a little bit more, and done Prompto some true justice.

Part 6: What motivated this essay, and the power of shared experience

This isn’t really a proper conclusion, that’ll be in TL;DR, but I would be remiss to not include what actually motivated me to write this massive essay, and also share it with all of you. The sharing part, I think, is super critical. When you inhabit marginalized identities, and in this case I specifically mean having a fat body, it can be...difficult to share and discuss your experiences. Harder, still, to be public about them, and to criticize media that perpetuates these harmful ideas. But here I am, doing that. Here’s why that is.

About a month ago, I met @chubbyargentum, who is called Liam. I was cruising through the promptis tag, as you do, and found his Nighttime Sunshine AU, and his blog is filled with excellent art for it as well. The premise of this AU, on its face, is very simple: it’s a story where Prompto and Noctis did not actually become friends in high school, and two very important things are different: Prompto is still fat, and Noctis is a closeted trans man. While I can’t speak to the trans experience, I can indeed speak to the experience of inhabiting a fat body. And this AU….spoke to me. I don’t want to spoil too much but there is a rather emotional scene that just...confronts everything I wanted Square to confront about this that they never did. He approaches the topic with so much sensitivity and nuance, something that is so rarely seen in fandom.

I’ve talked with Liam every day since, and my brain has consistently been enlarged. A lot of things I let slide before...felt so egregious to me that I had to say them. I’ve been confronting my own internalized prejudices towards certain kinds of bodies all the time, and I am learning every day. He’s become a very dear friend of mine, and I care deeply about him.

This also came at I guess you could say the “first climax” of my journey with weight loss, which I had never had success with despite the trauma I described in Part 4. I’ve lost...a significant amount of weight since March, and I think the reason I’ve had so much success is 1) the support of my friends (notably @nonbinary-recipehs, @pocket-prompto, and @chubbyargentum), and 2) not feeling like I hated myself anymore. I approached it as a journey to become more strong, not less fat. As I outlined in Part 4...Prompto’s Brotherhood episode and character backstory were and are legitimately triggering to me, and, I imagine, to many others. Liam had the confidence to put the content in the world that he wished to see, and this essay is helping me do the same.

Having other people who share your marginalized experiences and validate them...well, I’m sure many of you know. It’s a feeling like no other. And I’ve never really had this feeling explicitly about the experience of being fat until now. Now, I understand that my anger is in fact, righteous. And I am not afraid to say so. The power of shared experience motivated this essay and, in fact, everything that I do on this blog. I have come away from this AU with the bravery to say aloud what I have always known to be true.

So thank you, Liam. Thank you, big brain group. And thank you, readers, for listening to an experience that may or may not mirror your own, and for opening up your heart enough to hear the roughly 5000 words before this point. Thank you for making the effort to understand, and the effort to learn and grow.

TL;DR

I did promise to provide an easily digestible version of the…(checks word count) ~5000 words before this point, so here we go. The central thesis of this essay is something like “the way Prompto’s weight loss arc was portrayed in Brotherhood is horrendously fatphobic for a number of reasons.” I then broke it down into six major pieces: the first four being the fact that weight loss is treated as moral by the narrative, the uncharacteristically dickish actions of Noctis, the fact that Prompto’s disorder is encouraged by other characters, and the out-of-universe triggering effects the story has. In the fifth piece, I outlined two alternative scenarios: one where Prompto doesn’t lose weight at all and remains fat, and one where he does lose weight but healthily so and fleshes out his character. In the final piece, I explained the motivation behind writing this essay, namely interacting with other fat fans like @chubbyargentum. I explained all of these points in great detail, being careful to stress that my issue with this isn’t any of the individual characters, but the bias that motivates the writing.

So...what now? Well, I’m not really sure. But this was something I really had to put into the world. I think it is important and necessary to speak up and criticize media that harms you. And you know what? Final Fantasy XV is still my favorite game. It is because I love it so much that I was motivated to write this, and by sharing it, I hope to contribute to a greater discussion about fatphobia in gaming, and in life.

#final fantasy xv #ffxv #tw fatphobia #tw eating disorders #prompto argentum #please be respectful with this one #i feel like this is an unpopular opinion #but it is incredibly necessary that i say this #because it is something i believe #and because I don't want square to continue to get away with it #thank you for read #haley.exe #haley writes ffxv #haley has opinions #i'm preparing for so much hate

63 notes · View notes

hermitcraftheadcanons · 4 years

Text

Heathers AU MasterPost

So anyway, I made a post on one of my alts about a Heathers AU so I went and made one. Enjoy?

Character Assignment:

Heather C: TangoTek

Heather D: ImpulseSV

Heather M: Zedaph

Kurt and Ram: Cub and Scar

Martha Dunstock: Joe Hills.

Veronica: XisumaVoid.

JD: Evil X.

Contextual Changes:

-The Convex aren't creeps in this AU like Kurt and Ram are, just really shady business men. I'm not comfortable with that in my AU or portraying characters based on real people like that; even if it is just the character. Sorry.

-Joe isn't bullied for being fat (because he isn't.) He gets bullied for being weird. IE, 'who writes poetry for fun? Geek.'

-Unlike Martha Dunstock who has a crush on Ram (or Kurt if it's the movie,) Joe just wants to befriend Scar and learn how to make hella money.

-Xisuma (Veronica) and Evil X (JD) knew each other before the AU started but Xisuma hasn't really given him the time of day until now.

-Also they aren't a couple, just good friends.

-Dead Gay Son and Shine A Light were removed because they didn't really have narrative purpose.

-Anyway, this is based on the musical meaning if anything changed from the Movie, (IE, Betty Finn's disappearance) that also goes here.

Line Changes: (WIP, also I'm bad at lyrics. Feel free to comment or reshare with additions.)

Veronica: Things will get better, soon as my letter, comes from Harvard, Duke or Brown. Wake from this coma, take my diploma, then I can blow this town.

Xisuma: Things will get better, soon as my letter, comes from damn SMP Live. Wake from this nightmare, no longer have to care, then I can leave these guys.

(Tomcat)

Heather C: Mascara maybe some lip gloss, now we're on our way.

Tango: Leave the helmet, come on let's see you- oh you're kinda cute.

(Tomcat)

Heather M: Course if you don't care, fine, go braid her hair. Maybe Sesame Street is on.

Zedaph: Course if that's your schtick, fine, go suck his dick. Maybe get the gay pornos on.

(Tomcat)

The Plot:

It's the start of Season N. Xisuma's getting tired of being admin and has secretly planned this to be his last season on the server. His plan is to join SMP Live once it's all over. His friend Joe Hills (they've been friends since season 1) asks X if he's free to hang out after the recording day is over. X is like 'yeah, sure bud! :D' and Scar and Cub start bullying both of them.

Some time passes and X is chilling in an area he's not meant to be in. Team ZIT is also there and a hermit who isn't the owner of the area says 'hey? Are you allowed to be there?' Xisuma pulls out a fake I.O.U and says 'yeah, we have permission.' The hermit leaves and Team ZIT take an interest in Xisuma. They let him join team ZIT. (Beautiful.)

Meanwhile, The Vexes are leaving for about a week or so. Cub and Scar decide to hold a 'welcome to the new season!' Party at their base and invite Team ZIT+X. Tango peer pressures Xisuma into making a fake invitation to Joe Hills for the banter and Xisuma does it. (Candy Store.)

Anyway, Xisuma stumbles across Evil X winning in PVP against Cub and Scar. (Fight For Me.) After Cub and Scar either die or retreat (or both,) Xisuma says hello to Evil X and strikes up a conversation. Evil X is sad because everyone thinks he's evil and he has no friends. Xisuma apologises to him for treating him too harshly and banning him whenever he comes online and they become friends. (Freeze Your Brain.)

The Convex throw their party. Xisuma gets drunk and throws up on Tango's foot or something and Tango is ticked off. Tango's gonna PVP him and or grief his base, whichever takes ya fancy. (Big Fun.)

Xisuma goes to Evil X and climbs in through his window. They just hang out and play games all night and get to know each other better. Evil X suggests on kicking Tango out the server for threatening to grief Xisuma's base. Xisuma isn't sure about that initally but he eventually around. (Dead Girl Walking.)

The two go to Tango's base and offer him suspicious stew. Tango gets poisoned from it and Evil X 'jokingly' punches him and kills him. Xisuma bans him before he can respawn.

Xisuma writes a goodbye note to the server from Tango saying he's leaving. Nobody suspects Xisuma actually banned him. (Me Inside Of Me.)

After that kerfuffle, Scar and Cub go and try to get Xisuma to buy stuff from them. Xisuma keeps telling them to shove off as he can't leave as he's working on a build. Eventually, he gives up and goes to vent to Evil X. (Blue but the lyrics are so changed it's not even the same song.) Evil X suggests pranking Scar and Cub to get them back. Xisuma says okay and sends a message down the communicator saying 'hey, okay, maybe I do wanna buy from you. I'll give you 10 diamonds for (insert item) if you meet me in the shopping district behind Mumbo's shop at sundown.'

Anyway, Xisuma meets with Cub and Scar at sun down. He starts stalling because he didn't actually bring any diamonds. Evil X snipes Cub. Scar tries to run away. His communicator buzzes and he realises Cub was banned. He says he 'doesn't understand' and starts crying because Evil X 'banned his best friend.' Evil X kills and bans Scar too. Xisuma's like 'why'd you ban them? How did you ban them?'

Evil X explains he can ban people and always could but only in the window between being dead and respawning, hence why he always wanted to PVP everyone. Evil X forces Xisuma to write leaving notes for Scar and Cub. He doesn't care what's on it, just put the blame on them. Xisuma remembers that Tango was Cub and Scar's best customer so he says that they'd been planning to leave for a while but Tango leaving was the last straw. (Our Love Is God. But it's not because they're just friends.)

Xisuma tries to talk Evil X out of banning anyone else. Evil X feigns it working. (Seventeen)

Meanwhile, Zedaph is having a hard time trying to cope with Tango leaving. He's just finishing up a build and is mumbling to himself about how he's gonna leave the server once it's done. Xisuma catches him and encourages him to stay. Zedaph stays. (Lifeboat and Shine A Light Reprise.)

Joe tries to leave too due to Scar and Cub leaving. He actually does for a bit but is convinced by Xisuma over discord to come back. (Kindergarten.)

Xisuma starts getting worried about his plans to leave the server. He's beginning to realise that he's basically the glue holding this server together considering the fact that people have started to want to leave. (Yo Girl.)

Xisuma hides in his base to have his mental breakdown meanwhile Evil X is outside telling him about how he's going to destroy the server (ASMR.) Xisuma uses commands to make it look like he's left the server. Evil X falls for it and goes to nuke the server. (Meant To Be Yours.)

Xisuma goes to hunt down Evil X. Xisuma finds him in a big hole filled with TNT under the shopping district. Evil X monologues for a bit and Xisuma tries to ban him. It doesn't work. Apparently Evil X swapped their roles in the server, making it so that Evil X can ban people without killing them and X can only ban people during the 'dead but not respawned' window. Xisuma and Evil X PVP for a bit and Xisuma slays Evil X. (Dead Girl Walking Reprise.) Xisuma comes out the hole and Evil X sets off the TNT anyway. Evil X dies and Xisuma bans him. (I Am Damaged.)

Anyway, Xisuma, Joe and Zedaph become friends, the end. (Seventeen Reprise.)

86 notes · View notes

mcheang · 4 years

Text

Feng Jiu counters Jiheng

I’m imagining a different reaction when Jiheng tells Feng Jiu to stay away from Dong Hua

Feng Jiu bursts into giggles. Despite her sadness, the irony finally broke her, and she kept giggling hysterically.

Jiheng was affronted. “放肆。I am looking out for your best interests.”

Feng Jiu laughed, “As if I haven’t been doing my best to avoid Dong Hua!”

Jiheng gaped at her.

Feng Jiu chortled. “I can’t believe you’d think I actually like Dong Hua. Dong Hua only stayed with me because I am a new variable, someone to make you jealous over. His actions may portray him as someone in love, but do my actions seem to reciprocate his so-called interest?”

Jiheng stuttered, “well, um...you...” come to think of it, Jiuge doesn’t seem to exhibit the usual signs of a besotted girl.

Feng Jiu seemed to regain control of herself, although her cold smile was still wide enough to reach her ears. “I ignore his lessons, I don’t cook for him unless blackmailed, I was ready to leave him alone in the wild, and I called him a 变态.”

Jiheng struggled to absorb the new information.

Feng Jiu shook her head, smiling sympathetically at her senior. “Believe me, Musician, I have no interest in pursuing Dijun. The past days have been more than enough for my immortal life. I have men lining up for me back home, so why would I want someone like Dong Hua?”

Jiheng flushed red. “Dong Hua is kind and generous.”

Feng Jiu interrupted in a bored voice, “he is cruel, vicious, mean, a bully, lazy, insensitive, no sense of style beyond his usual purple....”

Feng Jiu took a long time listing Dong Hua’s flaws, enough that Jiheng wanted to sit down. (Inspired by the Suite Life on Deck episode ‘the kidney of the sea’)

“....Petty, presumptuous, arrogant, annoying.” Feng Jiu paused, then turned to Jiheng, confused. “Come to think of it, why do you like him? You’ve spent more time with him than I? How can you like someone so appalling?”

Jiheng blushed again, albeit for a different reason. “He never acts that way around me.”

“Well, obviously. He likes you!”

Jiheng smiles bashfully. Somehow she was diverted from her original Mission.

Feng Jiu: Look, you and Dong Hua can live happily ever after. But I need that Saha fruit for my friend. After that, I will gladly leave the valley. I’m sure I can convince Xiao Yan to help me out.

Jiheng hesitated. “How do I know you will keep your word?”

Feng Jiu: I want to go home! I’ve been stuck here as a student!

Jiheng: let me think about it.

Feng Jiu, feigning tolerance, but secretly annoyed. “Of course.”

Just in case, though, Feng Jiu needed a back up plan.

Feng Jiu then headed to find the school teacher. “Teacher, where is the surprise Dong Hua promised me?”

Teacher: what surprise? Didn’t you get the peaches?

Feng Jiu nodded. “He told me that the peaches were to share so everyone would not feel bad they had lost. But he told me he wanted to give me a surprise when the fruit would be given to me also. So where is my fruit, and where is the surprise

Teacher thought for a while. “Dong Hua has returned to the heavens to retrieve your surprise. But I had no idea he wanted the surprise to coincide with the Saha fruit presentation. I will inform her majesty to double check.”

Queen Junuo was baffled. Dong Hua was to be given the fruit. But he must have been the one to want to give it to Princess Jiuge himself. She had no idea he intended to give the fruit to Jiheng since he left soon after healing her.

Surely Jiuge could wait until Dijun returned.

Feng Jiu is assured the fruit won’t be given to Jiheng directly. In that case, she can still talk to Dijun when he comes back.

On her way back home, she meets Xiao Yan who was on his way to find and console Feng Jiu and tell her the truth.

Feng Jiu: it doesn’t matter. Dijun owes me. When he comes back, I will confront him and demand he give me my due prize.

Xiao Yan: actually, it is also my fault for asking you to forgive ice face. If I hadn’t, you would have been more wary about his treacherous ways. But don’t worry, in case Ice Face still wrongs you; Jiheng owes me a debt. I will ask her for half of the fruit for you.

Feng Jiu smiles at Xiao Yan. “You are a true Friend, Xiao Yan. It is Jiheng’s loss if she can’t see what a great man you are.” And she kisses him on the cheek.

Xiao Yan blushed. “It’s good that at least someone sees what a catch I am. Shall we go for drinks and drown our sorrows over the disappointment of friends?”

Feng Jiu gladly agreed.

They paid no mind to the few gossiping passerbys.

While the friends indulged in wine, Lian Song is telling Dong Hua the truth.

Lian Song urges Dong Hua to find Feng Jiu before things get worse for him.

As they head out, they find someone and ask where Jiuge is.

The stranger admits he last saw the owl prince and princess heading off to get a drink. It is nice to see them bonding. If they weren’t siblings, the stranger would have thought they were a couple based on how the princess kissed her brother’s cheek.

Dong Hua stills.

Lian Song coughed. “Need I remind you she already hates you. Unless you want Jiuge and Xiao Yan’s relationship to progress, I suggest you get moving.”

The two men arrive at the tavern and find the pair laughing. Apparently they were trying to outdo each other on who had been wronged by Dong Hua more.

Xiao Yan: so what if he robbed you of your prize, he tricked me into doing his chores!

Feng Jiu: he kidnapped me as a handkerchief!

Xiao Yan: um...he accused me of stealing a fox.

Feng Jiu: that weirdo doesn’t deserve such a magnificent fox. He doesn’t deserve any pet. They could all die and it would take him days to realize it was missing, let alone dead.

Xiao Yan spots Dong Hua. “There he is! The jerk of all immortals.”

Feng Jiu turned and pointed a finger at him. “Dong Hua, you really are the worst. You robbed me of my chance to save Qing Ti. You also owe him your life! He saved both of our lives and this is how you repay him? By giving his fruit to Jiheng?”

She stood up and walked over to Dong Hua. Drunk as she was, her shove against the emperor was about as weak as a gentle breeze.

Feng Jiu’s eyes blazed. “Qing Ti fought to protect you and the soul locking jade. Jiheng actually tried to steal it from you. I don’t care about your relationship with Jiheng. But Qing Ti needs that fruit. Just give Jiheng something else.”

Dong Hua and Lian Song were shocked to their cores at the revelation.

Xiao Yan was too far gone to care.

Feng Jiu kept feebly beating her fists on Dong Hua’s chest. “Give me back my fruit so I can save Qing Ti. After that, just leave us alone!”

Dong Hua: Xiao Bai...

Feng Jiu: give me back my fruit, you horrible, worst of the worst...

Feng Jiu fainted into Dijun’s embrace.

Lian Song took a look at the unconscious princess. “Yeah...maybe you should give the fruit to her.”

Dong Hua looked down at Xiao Bai, stroking her hair. “I know.”

And they promptly left, leaving behind the demon lord. (What? Don’t think Dong Hua forgot about that cheek kiss)

When Feng Jiu woke up in the morning, she was confused as to how she got there. Maybe Xiao Yan brought her home?

Then she turned her head and got a nasty shock to see Dijun sitting beside her on the bed.

Grasping the blanket, Feng Jiu demanded, “What are you doing here?”

Dong Hua: i carried you home after you got drunk

Feng Jiu blanched, remembering the last time that happened. “Did anyone see us?”

Dong Hua, confused. “Of course they did.”

Feng Jiu closed her eyes and tried to regain her bearings. Maybe this time the rumours would not be so bad. And even if they were, she was not Jiuge.

Watching her, Dong Hua wondered how this was going to go. Perhaps he should take the initiative.

Dong Hua: I owe you an apology.

Feng Jiu gave him a look. Duh. And more than one, for that matter.

Dong Hua: I did not know you wanted the fruit to save your Friend.

Feng Jiu looked at him in alarm.

Dong Hua: I thought you were going to use the fruit to make cakes for Xiao Yan. I got jealous.

Feng Jiu: you...how do you know about Qing Ti.

Dong Hua: Xiao Bai, I know you went to the mortal world for me. I also know you were my pet fox.

Feng Jiu flushed and quickly looked away. “I have no idea what you are talking about. But have you decided to give me my fruit?”

Dong Hua nodded. “I got the queen to give it to me straightaway. By the way, am I supposed to be giving you a surprise gift with it?”

Feng Jiu improvised. “The surprise is that you are taking me out of this valley!”

Dong Hua: you are ready to leave your friends behind?

Feng Jiu amended her statement. “You are taking me out of this valley after I say my goodbyes.”

Dong Hua stared at her. “Where will you go once you are outside?”

“After I give the fruit to Xie Guchou, I will return home to Qingqiu. It’s been too long since I was last home.”

Dong Hua: Alright. Then I will go with you.

Feng Jiu was shocked and alarmed. “Why?”

Dong Hua: I wronged you. So now I owe you a debt. Several debts actually.

Feng Jiu: but I don’t want you to follow me. Consider that how you repay your debt.

Dong Hua: did you not follow me around when you were trying to repay your debt.

Feng Jiu muttered, “fat lot of good it did me!”

Then raising her voice to normal level, “Dijun, your presence in Qingqiu will only worry my elders.”

Dong Hua paused. “What do I care?”

Feng Jiu fumed, “you can repay the debt by not following me around!”

Dong Hua: you won’t even give me a chance to make amends?

Feng Jiu: it doesn’t matter. I’ve never held the previous stuff against you. And as long as I get my fruit, I just want to move forward.”

Dong Hua; prove it. Let me follow you to Qingqiu, or come back with me to Taichen Palace.

Feng Jiu: I repeat, why would I do that? People will get the wrong idea and think we are in a relationship.

Dong Hua: I’ll say I’ve asked you to teach me cooking.

Feng Jiu: what if I say I want a break from you?

Dong Hua knew he had wronged Feng Jiu greatly. He was also inexperienced in love. So he relied on being shameless.

Dong Hua: then I will take you on a vacation

Feng Jiu: that doesn’t even make sense.

Dong Hua: how about I take you to my birthplace? That way we can avoid the gossips.

Feng Jiu: wouldn’t it be better if you take Jiheng there instead. I assure you, she has fully realized her feelings for you and wants to be with you.

Dong Hua: but I don’t like Jiheng that way.

Feng Jiu: you tried to marry her

Dong Hua: no, I gave her the chance to escape from our arranged marriage. She had always planned to run with Minsu. I just gave them the chance to escape her brother’s watchful eye.

Feng Jiu paused. “I thought you were in love with Jiheng. I saw the way you 2 interacted at Taichen Palace.”

Dong Hua paused. It was true he had neglected Xiao Bai in that time. “We were just friends then. At that time, Jiheng was not interested in me. But while she may have grown feelings for me, I have never seen her that way.”

Dong Hua looked into Xiao Bai’s unreadable, dark eyes. “Xiao Bai, the one I like is you.”

Feng Jiu frowned. “Alright; what trick are you planning to pull this time?”

Dong Hua’s face grew sad. “Xiao Bai, I know I have wronged you. But I didn’t mean to. I just didn’t want you to make Xiao Yan pastries.”

Feng Jiu still wasn’t moved.

Dong Hua: what do I have to do to prove I like you.

Feng Jiu: yeah...I’m not interested. (She was tired of getting betrayed)

Dong Hua: just give me a chance.

Feng Jiu: I did give you a chance. And you betrayed me with this whole fruit switcheroo!

Dong Hua: then give me another.

Feng Jiu: I don’t have endless chances for you.

Feng Jiu attempts to leave but Dong Hua grabs onto her hand.

Dong Hua: what do I have to do to prove I like you.

Feng Jiu turns away. “It doesn’t matter anymore. We have no fate together. So please, let me go, Dong Hua.”

Dong Hua: I have never cared for fate. I don’t need it’s charity. I decide my own fate, Xiao Bai. I always have. And I want my fate to have you in it.

Feng Jiu struggles to get away but Dong Hua holds fast.

Feng Jiu: action speaks louder than words, Dijun.

Dong Hua: what do I have to do?

A pause, then “carve your heart out. That’s the only thing I can think of right now.”

Dong Hua took in this information, then summoned his sword and prepared to do the deed.

Feng Jiu hastily stopped him in alarm. “Hey, just because I can’t think of anything else now, it doesn’t mean I can’t think of anything else later. Just wait.”

Dong Hua: does that mean you will give me a chance

Feng Jiu hesitates. She so does not want to. “I will give you a chance when I can think of something for you to do.”

Dong Hua isn’t happy with her answer. He proceeds to slice his heart.

Feng Jiu: WTH!

While Feng Jiu frantically tends to him, he eyes his heart tissue and thinks aloud that he can make a ring from it. It will be a powerful ring, too.

Feng Jiu: you need to learn patience

Dong Hua: I might be too late then. But since I carved my heart out to prove my sincerity, will you marry me?

Feng Jiu: isn’t that too fast?

Dong Hua: no. I can’t think of anyone more worthy of being my queen.

Feng Jiu: this is too weird. I’m dreaming right?

Dong Hua shakes his head.

Feng Jiu was dazed as she said her goodbyes. Jiheng regretted not accepting Jiuge’s deal once she heard the news. Dong Hua took Feng Jiu away and registered their marriage. Now he doesn’t have to worry about anyone else stealing her away.

Dong Hua did not consummate their marriage yet but instead courted Feng Jiu. He did all he could to make her happy but she still felt she was in a dream....until he placed the finished ring on her finger. She could not deny the real sensation of cold glass on her skin. Like a shock of cold water when you are drowsy.

Feng Jiu embraced Dong Hua, finally accepting the truth of his words.

#eternal love pillow book #eternal love of dream #三生三世枕上书 #eternal love of dream fanfiction #eternal love of dream fanfic #eternal love of dream fic #eternal love pillow book fanfiction #eternal love pillow book fanfic #eternal love pillow book fic

28 notes · View notes

culturaldorksist · 4 years

Text

to love me

It is Class Eleven. We are in a small, cramped makeshift classroom because our usual room is being fumigated for bed bugs. I am in a complicated relationship with a girl, who I like desperately and cloyingly as I tend to do and who doesn’t, I think, feel the same way about me. She calls me over to help her with understanding something from the textbook and looks at me for a while as I gesticulate to try and explain. “You know,” she says. “There’s something about the way your hands move. It just…feels really gay, sometimes.”

This happened five years ago.

A body, like being, is a little complicated to explain. For Descartes, who I immediately admired for breaking everything down and building it all back up again, there are three substances in the world: there is God who is unknowable but creates and sustains all things, there is mind, the attribute of which is thought and there is body, the attribute of which is extension. For him to prove that the body is distinct from the mind is a long, uphill battle but it is one he fights tooth and nail, even if it doesn’t make sense. The word soul flits in, eventually. There has to be something, something other than a bag of bones that will ultimately rise to the heavens or sink beneath the sea.

I remember playing a lot of imaginary games when I was a child. I remember being a cook, a soldier, a spy, an explorer, a villain. These were malleable times and not a lot was required to entertain myself. I didn’t really need props or costumes. In a pinch, I could curl up on the sofa with my eyes closed and imagine all sorts of things. I have been trying to remember what I thought about my own body. I don’t remember thinking about it very much. This never fails to make me nostalgic.

I also don’t remember when I began to eat so much. I always ate fast, never savouring anything. Food was a comforting thing to work my way through as I did something else. It made me feel distracted and safe. By the time I was twelve, I was fat.

I remember looking at myself in the bathroom once, at the swell of my stomach that distended even at the sides and the loose flabs of my cheeks and chest. Rolls of fat would bounce distinctly from my body as I jumped a few times, like a soul. I don’t remember if I was disgusted just yet but I wasn’t happy.

For the Christians, there is no rationalising about the soul. It obviously exists. Everything about the body is mired in a materiality that is not only temporary but malignant and hostile. Material existence for the Christian is a wasteland we deserve for the sinners we are where every little shred of beauty is grace: a free gift from God. Every flower, every tree.

And beautiful people? They were gifts to be given to each other, I supposed. Do not covet your neighbour’s house.

For the Christian, self hatred is a given. It is a more honest position to be in than those who have been blinded by common grace. If we see ourselves as ugly, our bodies and our surroundings, we can see the absolute necessity of giving ourselves to Christ who will take us to a new world where all things are beautiful.

This calls for a different kind of self love. A love we give ourselves through Christ. The only reason we love ourselves now is to be because Christ loves us, a love that is absolute and unconditional and, according to the Christian, the only love that is true.

When I was eight or nine, everyone around me transitioned from playing the sorts of games I liked, like tag or hide-and-seek, to the sorts of games I found out I wasn’t particularly good at, like football and cricket. I couldn’t coordinate my movements with what I needed to do and what I was seeing, I was slow and not particularly graceful and on top of everything, I wasn’t particularly interested. It didn’t seem fun.

I wasn’t bullied for this, not by that group of friends. But a very pragmatic system came into being. I was made to be goalie whenever possible but when everyone wanted a real game, they’d make me the referee or the umpire. I won a football through a lucky draw and it was the best one in the colony. They had to call me. I had to go. I realised very soon that being a referee was consolation. I leaned against the wall and watched. I remember wanting to cry, sometimes.

Once, for losing an eraser or something, my father told me I wasn’t to go down and play for a week. Everyone came up to the house to find out why I wasn’t there. My father explained to them and I listened from my door. “Oh,” one of them said. “Can we have the ball, then?”

I really hit it off with someone I matched with on Bumble. We couldn’t stop talking. She’d send me little photos from her day: oranges in the sunshine, flowers, trees and other things like that. We met soon and only ordered drinks because neither of us was very hungry and we talked for a good couple of hours. I dropped her off where she needed to go and went back thinking things went fabulously.

She became terse after that, responding almost monosyllabically. I dropped it almost immediately, not wanting to be annoying. It had to be because of my body. She had to have been absolutely disappointed by it.

If there is mind and body, thought and extension, I am absolutely assured about my mind. I have never been nervous about my ability to speak and write coherently, lucidly and on my best days, beautifully. I am confident in being able to be witty and appropriate. I have never been assured about my body. The best I’ve been able to hope for is that I am somehow just impressive enough on all the other counts for my body to be tolerated. For it to be ignored. For a ‘yes, but he’s alright, all things considered’.

It is Class Eight and a free period. Most of the class is empty, for some reason or the other, except for a small group of people. I am reading a book and occasionally participating in whatever conversation they’re having. One of them from across the room suddenly says “David, walk from here to the front of the room and back.”

I ask why.

“Just do it, you’ll see.” I look around. I haven’t been paying attention to the conversation for a while. Everyone is watching me, smiling.

I slowly get up and comply. They laugh and nod. “See, I told you,” she says. “He walks funny.”

They make me run as well, which is even funnier. I cannot for the life of me remember why I submitted to this, why this was something I was willing to do.

“It’s his hands as well, he’s so weird with them.”

The problem with the love of Jesus is that it is generalised. You are encouraged to reach out to Him with your specific problems through prayer and he responds through what you read from a collection of different literature, the latest of which was written two-thousand years ago by a Jewish man addressing a number of churches in what is modern-day Turkey. You can rest assured in Jesus’ unconditional love for you but He cannot delight in your condition.

He cannot admire your arms, the way you walk, the way you speak. But to seek this sort of admiration is shallow. It is, in the words of C.S. Lewis, ‘like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea’.

So you’re stuck.

Once in school, a friend of mine from band was telling me that I should practice more. “See, we’re not like those other guys. We’re ugly. If we don’t have skills we can’t depend on them to want us around for any other reason.” I wanted to tell him I never thought he was ugly. I didn’t. I agreed. I thought maybe he needed me to, that If I excluded myself from the class he so casually put us in, that he placed himself so absolutely into, that it would break him.

In the end, when I went home, I believed I was ugly too.

In college, the girl I was dating once complimented my t-shirt. “You have nice arms,” she said, and then moved on to something else.

That was two years ago. Sometimes, when I want to cry, I hold on to that memory and it makes things better.

Objectivity and subjectivity are important parts of this discussion. I’m sure philosophers have a lot to say about aesthetics but it is too difficult and cyclical to read through all of that. And people in science are just philosophers who’ve prohibited themselves from talking about souls. So, they give me heuristics I can actually use.

There is a golden ratio, apparently, that makes things beautiful. Things like pinecones and paintings and faces.

And the cold logic of it makes sense. A lean body, a pared down one, one not burdened by excess, one that is strong and capable is obviously an attractive one. This must be objectively true.

But there are so many other things I tend to like. The curve of someone’s neck, their arms in the sun, their teeth, their cheeks. These bodies may not fit any sort of objective mold, they may all even be different. But I like them and am attracted to them. Can I believe that this might extend back to me too?

The problem, then, is one of empathy. Do other people think the same way I think? What is going on inside your head?

In college, the girl I was dating once told me: “You know, there’s a lot of things you can fix if you tried?”

“Fix?”

“Yeah, like your weird walk and your posture and things like that. I’m sure if you think about it you can do it properly.”

She has never met the group of people from Class Eight who told me the same thing. She doesn’t even know they exist. So, this thing about my walk, it must be an objectively true thing.

This was two years ago.

Along with how a body looks comes what a body does: presentation. The way you hold your hands akimbo, the way you tilt to the side, the way you use gestures, the way you walk. Masculinity is essentially a bar to jump over: one that requires you to pare down anything that might portray weakness. Because, weakness is feminine and the farther you get from the edge of the binary the lower you’ve cleared the bar.

Gender is woven almost inextricably with sexual orientation. Heterosexuality is only permitted to those who do not deviate from the edge of the binary. To be homosexual is to be like a woman: weak.

I am so tired and I just want to be. My presentation has not been a conscious effort towards anything. I don’t know what it means that ‘a lot of the things I do seem really gay’. Harry Styles helped me massively. To see him with nailpolish, floral shirts and fishnets on while still being allowed to be attracted to and, almost essentially, being attractive to women reassured me. I want to dress like that sometimes. I want to be like that sometimes.

I don’t know if I’m allowed to be while still being straight. I don’t know what that makes me.

Empathy is complicated for people with self and body image problems. The things that plague me, the little lines of speech, the looks, being beaten up, being bullied, might seem almost incomprehensibly trivial to someone else. It’s not easy to explain whyI remember these things from as long as eight years ago and why they still haunt me. It is even often more difficult for people with body image problems of their own.

I have heard other people’s stories about their self-image and done the same thing. ‘That’s not so bad,’ I’ve thought. It is almost impossible to understand.

Every romantic rejection of me becomes about my body or my presentation, in my head. The way I deal with these rejections is by working wherever bodies are needed. Wherever they’ll have me.

I’m not like other guys. I’m ugly. If I don’t have skills, I can’t depend on them to want me around for any other reason.

After my breakup in college, I took up key roles in three different events that all stacked on top of each other. I was supposed to be in four places on the same day at the same hour. I nearly collapsed from exhaustion.

After that Bumble date, I took up work I didn’t need to take up, stayed longer than what I knew was healthy for me and contracted some sort of stomach infection that put me down for nearly a week.

Photographs of myself terrify me. I cannot believe I look like that. That I am that big. When I look at my friends and then at myself, I am disgusted. From an odd angle, every once in a while, I think I look alright. I look passable. I put those up on every online platform and I hope for the best.

I was once on my way from my room to the bathroom. “Please put a shirt on,” a friend who I dearly love said. “Your tits are disgusting.”

In print, as words on a screen, this is shocking. As a lived experience, it is not. It is the sort of thing men say to each other.

Last week, I moved into a room where there is a full length mirror. It is the first full length mirror I have had the liberty to be naked in front of. I like the way my legs curve upwards into my back and how my hips dip into my stomach. In the early sunlight, I am proportionate.

This is trivial. It is, after all, just a man looking into a mirror. This is also earth shattering.

Last week, I made a tweet about wanting to wear nail polish in college. In a world where a global pandemic is baying at the doors and where human rights violations abound in every city, a heterosexual man wanting to put nail polish on and expressing this is trivial. It is also earth shattering.

I once complimented my mother on the dress she was wearing. I told her it looked great on her. I don’t know why, I just did. I saw her face change, I saw her smile and she told me her day was made. I don’t know if she was telling the truth. But I do know she has struggled with diet, weight-loss and cravings for a long time. It was an easy thing to say but it was also not prompted. She did not ask me for a compliment. It was freely given, like grace, like all the beautiful things in the world. And so, it mattered.

Maybe, if we work very hard, there’ll be a world where compliments between men, where validation and acceptance is normal. Maybe we can break everything down and build everything back up again. It’s only bodies, after all.

I am thirteen and lying in bed next to my father. It is the afternoon. He is asking me what is happening in school and I tell him about all the different activities that are happening.

“You should try theatre,” he says.

“Why?” I ask.

“Because you’re tall and handsome and you have a great voice and they need people like that for theatre.” He turns away and falls asleep.

That was eight years ago.

#body image #self image #self #sexuality #fat shaming #personal #philosophy #christianity #personal essay

9 notes · View notes

minejsg · 4 years

Text

Dear past me.

We are broken. And I don't know how to make it better.

There will be endless nights when you will cry yourself to sleep and you can't help it. There doesn't have to be a particular reason. You'll just cry.

And you will try to numb you pain, your thoughts, your feelings.

By the age of 10 you will move with your mom and your brother into another city. Mom will tell you that dad will visit you as often as possible and he will try to. But the visits will get less and less as time goes on. And you will start to wonder of you did something wrong. But you didn't.

You will go to a new school where you know nobody. No kid, no teacher, no parent. And your grandfather who went with you to the school on your first day will leave soon after you have entered the building. You will be confused, alone, scared. By the time first period starts you are scared for your life for getting onto trouble. But you are even more afraid to ask, some every person ignored you; to busy taking care of their own kids.

After school, you'll go to your grandparent's house since mom is in hospital. She got a heart attack, but they won't tell you. The bubble can't be broken.

You try to make new friends but you won't find one for 3 years. They'll ask you if you are a boy or a girl. And you will start to question yourself. Not for who you are, but for what makes them not see it. Are you not girly enough? Should you wear a skirt instead of a pair of jeans? But that's not you. That will never be you.

Your mom will recover and find a job. And lose it. And find a job again and lose it again. She'll never tell you that she can't pay the rent, but you hear her talking to your dad about it. And you'll start to wonder if you should get a job as soon as possible. But you won't.

You'll have to do the second year again. Your English was just not as good as the others. And everyone will give you shit for it. That it wasn't necessary. That you should have learned more. But it will never be enough. The first time you will have a C on your English exam you'll show it to your mother and grandparents. And they'll say that it could have been a B if you would have studied more.

They'll never say it, but they show it. That no matter what you will do. It would never be enough. Always wanting you to be better and perfect and set the bar so high that by the age of 12 you feel sad.

Not just because of the high standards, but because you will feel alone. You will fight with your brother every day and he will call you names. Your mother will be addicted to a computer game and won't have time for you. In school you will be bullied for not being like the others. And you can't call your dad because you don't have his number.

You'll start to isolate yourself. Don't go outside, don't talk, don't make them aware that you are there. Because there will be no good outcome when they see you.

You'll flee into eating. Chocolate will be your only friend, the one thing that gives you a false sense of comfort. But you believe those bittersweet lies.

You will gain weight and they'll make more fun of you. you don't want to go to school because they will call you names. And it hurts. But it will even hurt more when your brother will start to use them too. And your uncle will think that it's funny. Your grandmother will also criticize you. Not good enough. You could lose some pounds. You can't wear tight shirts, it'll highlight your stomach. And you'll start to life even more. And eat more. Because that is the only thing you know that can make you happy.

And you wish that your mom would finally stop playing this stupid game, but she won't. She will sit in front of the computer for a long time. And she won't like it that you interrupt her.

By 14 you have enough. You are so sick of being sad. Of being the victim. For years you heard every day that nobody loves you. That you should kill yourself. That you could disappear and nobody would notice it.

And you start to believe them. Because there is nobody who is there for you on a daily basis. Who is there to accept you for who you are? Because every time you meet your family they have something to criticize about you. So it sounds like they are right. They don't love me. They don't want me. They want a perfect little girl with straight A's and a perfect body, lot's of friends, a perfect smile, a perfect mindset. Perfect.

They want you to be perfect but you are not perfect. You are scared, you feel alone, ignores by everyone you thought who should love you. Like the newspaper left on the bench in the train station, waiting for the next wind to blow it onto the tracks to get run over by the train.

So you decide to be the newspaper. Waiting for the train to come and take you. A man will safe your life and you'll run away in fear. That day you spent in a park away from home and school being invisible to the world.

That evening when you'll come home, you'll pretend like nothing happened. Why should you say something anyways if nobody is willing to listen?

With 16 they won't bully you anymore. By then you'll have a thick shoulder. You won't react to the calling anymore eventough deep inside you it still hurts. But you will witness another pain, because in your summer holidays you'll get raped. You will be quite. You've seen the media and how they portray the victims. You don't want to be blamed. So you'll stay silent, having to deal with it by yourself. You'll feel disgusting. You won't eat for weeks except for junk food. But nobody will notice until you tell them years later. Then they'll pretend as they care, but you won't care anymore. It will be a part of your memory that will be locked away as fast as possible.

With 18 you'll start to go out. The mobbing endet and you managed to find some peers you'd considered nice. Still you won't really bond with them since they could still leave you alone. Like so many people before them did. There were a few people you considered friends at that point but they won't last for long. As soon as school is over 3/4 of them will vanish. Like they never existed.

You'll flee into tv shows and movies. All the hobbies you have got over the years will vanish. All that is left from them are some things that will ly around in your room, unsued, untouched, unloved. Ignored like a kid that nobody wants. You are afraid to have a commitment. Because you know that they will criticize you just like they used to. Because you are never enough.

Just like for your boyfriend. You are to afraid to ask boys out and every time you get asked out you feel uncomfortable. Why should a good looking boy want to go on a date with someone like you? You are fat and ugly and you are 100% sure that it is a stupid prank like on the TV shows. You would love to trust them. To give it a try, but at that time in your life you are already broken. WE are already broken.

And when you finally have the balls to say yes to a nice guy you end up in a manipulative, toxic, abusive relationship. He will make you fight against your parents. You will have pink glasses for him and he will use it for his advance.

It will break your heart. You will pretend like everything is okay but you will very yourself to sleep for weeks. Because that's what you have done your entire life. Don't show them that you are weak. Don't show them that you are broken.

Don't show them that by putting you in a bubble they've taken chances for you to grow as a person because every time you criticize your parents, they will make you feel more horrible about yourself. You'll eventually find out that they gaslight you.

Don't show them that by criticizing your body they made you don't yourself so much that there won't be one part of your body left, that you don't hate.

Don't show them that you don't have a lot of friends because the fear is to big to be bullied again. Or mistreaded for who you are.

Don't show them that you would love to change your live but can't because you are financially depending on them and that one toms you talked about not entering the family business you and your mother fought for one week, because you wanted to make something different as she has planed for you.

Don't show them that you are a pleaser and would literally cancel meeting with your friends who you see rarely just because you are afraid that you disappoint them.

Don't show them that every time your mother says that your dad is disappointed with you, a little part of your soul dies. Because you know that you work your ass of to work under minimum wage in the family business, help maintaining the house and helping your parents in the household while your brother does little to nothing.

But you will be treated like the black sheep just because you sleep longer. Because you are not awake at 7 am. Because they don't know that you are crying yourself to sleep again every night. Because if they'd know they would dismiss it. Like they used to.

Because your great grandmother didn't need a therapist. Because your mothers therapist wasn't right for her. Therefore you are not allowed to go to a therapist.

So don't bother to show them that you are broken. It will only brake you even more.

3 notes · View notes

ohblackdiamond · 4 years

Text

kiss autobiographies/memoirs and their usage in fanfics

One of the more interesting things in KISS fandom, I feel like, is what sources writers tend to pull the most from. There are hundreds of interviews, clips, even candid to semi-candid footage, but by and large, if anyone’s pulling directly from any particular sources (myself included), it tends to be the autobiographies.

More specifically, it tends to be Peter’s autobiography, Makeup to Breakup: My Life in and out of KISS.

I’ve often wondered why, and the simplest, easiest reasoning is that his book is, by far, the most typically rockstaresque of the four, with very indulgent, often sleazy accounts of the orgies, nightlife, and general decadence of the late ’70′s. Many of Peter’s accounts have been said to be greatly exaggerated if not fabricated (sidenote: Lydia’s also called out Gene’s exaggerations/untruths on a frequent basis, particularly regarding how much money the band made during the early days, so this is definitely not a case of an ex-wife being bitter). But I feel like even keeping that in mind, there’s an odd ring of emotional truth in the way Peter describes the band’s rise to the top and the spats, drug use, and tensions that resulted in his first firing.

The way he describes Paul and Gene in particular post-1980, pre-Reunion, and his deliberate seeking out of Mark St. John to play for another of his solo album efforts makes it pretty abundantly clear that he was watching KISS-- bitterly-- from afar. And I don’t know, I think that resonates with people. Wanting to root for the underdog. Or, well, undercat, as the case may be. There’s a lot in there I’m apt to take with about a pound of salt (Peter, you’re not Rambo), but I do feel like Peter’s autobiography is accurate as far as the summations of his feelings go, and some of the stories are a little too weird (and a little too enthusiastically-written) to be fabrications. I mean, Gay Kitchen, where he and Paul spend a week making double-entendre menus, “cooking” hot dogs, and serving them up to Gene and Ace, all while gleefully hitting on each other? Getting somewhat weirded-out and traumatized while having sex with a girl wearing the Catman makeup, because it’s basically like having sex with yourself? Seems pretty legitimate. Peter’s book goes in hard on everyone in an expose that’s more bitter than gleeful, while exposing his own faults and foibles far more than he realizes.

Peter portrays himself as a very needy guy. I don’t think it’s what he meant to do, but it comes across in almost every single page. He’s paranoid. He owns up to his threats to quit the band, and he seems somewhat aware of what’s spurring his insecurities (an inferiority complex stemming from feeling like the remainder of the band hadn’t “paid their dues,” and an awareness that BFFs-for-life, college-educated Gene and college-...started Paul had a prior edge on high-school dropout Peter from the start). His flares of temper and impulsivity, his drug addiction, and the multiple trainwrecks left in the aftermath, aren’t toned down or glossed-over. It’s a weirdly fascinating perspective.

Paul’s autobiography, Face the Music: A Life Exposed, gets pulled from as a source probably the second most often, for similar reasons. Paul’s book is a lot more intensely curated, I’d say; as always, he’s extremely image-conscious and probably purposely waited until everyone else’s book was out before he opted to go for the kill. And he does. With everyone. Each original KISS member earns himself nearly 45 minutes of ranting, and those that come after don’t typically fare a whole lot better. But as with Peter’s book, that’s not really what writers tend to pull from so much as the personality portrayed there, and, well. Whoo, boy.

I don’t think Paul realized his own book was quite as unflattering as it is, or he probably wouldn’t have published it. Again, he runs into the same issue Peter does (and to a far smaller extent, Gene in his own book), where dragging everyone from family members to the band to Bill Aucoin to exes to, yes, Slash, only serves to unintentionally drag himself. I mean, the guy was petty enough to add Ace walking in and using the toilet while he (Paul) was in the shower to his own autobiography. I don’t doubt it happened, but it’s such an unnecessary jab. Anyway, Paul has likely-true anecdotes (Ace kissing Peter’s dick, Ace and Eric’s makeouts), scattered in a soup of unending anxiety and insecurity, stemming from pretty obvious sources (unhappy home life, childhood bullying due to microtia, failed albums, Gene dumping him). Same underdog sort of scenario, which I think a lot of fic writers (and KISS fans in general) identify with. He discusses starting therapy as a teenager, having panic attacks and severe anxiety-- which I think is cool of him to do; I think destigmatizing mental illness is a great thing. I’ve been in and out of therapy and on different SSRIs most of my adult life, and I do value that he’s open about his experiences there.

He acknowledges some of his own faults, stuff like how he can dish out all sorts of jabs, but he can’t take them in turn. There’s even a bit where he mentions a girl telling him that he’d never be happy because he was so critical of others. ... But then he just doesn’t quite seem to stop. He keeps dishing out the jabs, like when he opens up with Gene being fat when they first met (and saying he looked like he belonged in Hee-Haw) in a way that seems more straight-up mean than, uh, anything else. So, uh, I don’t know. It’s not exactly the character study he probably meant it to be, but it’s pretty interesting.

tl;dr why are paul and peter’s books the ones people pull from when they write fanfics? probably because they have the homoerotic stories (although gene has the ace-and-his-older-gentleman photo!) and they give a clearer picture of who’s behind the facepaint than ace’s and gene’s do.

#hey look ma i brought out the capitals #kiss the band #peter criss #paul stanley #kiss fanfiction #ace frehley #gene simmons

18 notes · View notes

madnessinthesunlight · 4 years

Text

The End of a Decade

2010

I was 7, full of hope and life, probably the most extroverted child people knew to exist. Conversations were so easy, friends were present left and right, 2010 kissed me on my forehead and said goodbye.

2011

I was 8, an optimist and a curious little kitten, jumped out of bed every morning to scream a good morning at the sun and then I left to skate away all of my problems, 2011 loved me, and was probably the last to do so.

2012

I was 9, someone gave me lice, and that was the first year where everything went wrong, got treated like an untouchable, you know how mean 10 year olds can be. I didn't at that time. That broke me. I cried every day, as the filthy bloodsuckers continued to stay. 2012 sneered and left me, but that was actually kindness in comparison to what the others did.

2013

I was 10, I developed trichotillomania, albeit I never knew what that was. No one else knew either, and the countless doctors we went to stuffed me with pills and i was too ashamed to tell them that im doing it to myself and frequent doctor visits and the isolation was paired up with bullying and I started eating more just to feel something. I was 10 when I got depression and anxiety as a pair. 2013 brought out a bat and hit me in the stomach till I coughed up blood.

2014

I was 11, and an obese, bald, bespectacled girl, and we all know those are the perfect targets. Knew that everyone just pitied me, and hated myself. I had no friends at school, and two friends who were too far to help. I was 11, and I was so fucking scared of everybody. I left skating and stayed at home more, ate and watched youtubers and pretended they were my friends talking to me. Started making online friends because they could never see my face, only my optimistic personality. 2014 threw a bunch of failed opportunities in my face and kept staring at me with disgust.

2015

I was 12, the online friend I made killed herself and the blame was on me. I tried to go to the gym to lose my weight but I was always a chubby kid. That's what my mother said. School was getting too much. I called in sick whenever I could. I was 12, and I cut for the first time. Depression hugged me by my stomach and anxiety kissed my forehead. Parents beat me up since childhood and I realised it wasn't fair. I tried to end my life, but unfortunately it didn't work. 2015 looked at me with pity, but by then I knew how dangerous pity could be, and I punched 2015 in its face.

2016

I was 13, and a cutter, and no one noticed because of the isolation. Made new online friends, still very innocent, but so, so wary. I'd do anything for a stranger, but if they got close to me and saw who I was deep down as a person I'd run away. Because I was damaged. I wished to die every day. People don't play with broken toys. But that was also the last year when things were kind of okay. The bullying ended that year as people matured a teeny bit but my suppression skills were so on point that I pretended like nothing happened. 2016 stood right in front of me, scared, because it didn't know who I was.

2017

I was 14, and that was the last time I felt something. Met some people online who I became really close to, who ended up hurting me. Blamed myself, still do, if I was better maybe she wouldn't leave. The person who she introduced me to is my best friend now, and I hope she doesn't leave. I wished for death every single time, the cutting got worse, and I got addicted to the blood. It's okay, no one saw it, a fat girl never reveals her body anyways. I led two lives. As an optimist, a person who I would've continued being if none of this happened, and as a tired soul, just wanting to cease to exist. 2017 tried to hug me, but I was scared it had a knife, ready to stab me.

2018

I was 15 and the optimist I was once known to be ceased to exist. I developed my eating disorder and soon became a person who never ate. I was dark, miserable, and didn't get out of bed. I cannot recall if my other suicide attempts were last year or this, but I really wanted to die. I made many new friends, and all of them still thought of me as the optimist, I did portray that. I met him, and became extremely vulnerable to him really quickly. He promised he'd stay, I was scared I'd leave, and I believed that he was the one person who really cared for me. 2018 was the year I fell in love and in a whole new level of numbness. And it did nothing. Just watched.

2019

I am 16, almost done with school. I dated him, I was so happy with him, but my mental issues came in the way. He was a liar, everything was a lie and he didn't tell me so until months after he returned to his home country. But that's okay, I have a strong feeling we'll meet again, and I haven't cried once. And now, I exist. I tried to stop that, but it didn't stop. My eating disorder holds my hand, my depression hugs me tighter than ever, and my trauma haunts me day and night, as if to remind me never to trust again. 2019 was the year I was liked back, but also the year when I was lied to. 2019 kicked me in my crotch but I couldn't feel it because I was too numb and suppressing my shaky behaviour. 2019 saw me ruin myself further on my own and brought out a box of popcorn while I exhausted the last light inside me.

2020

Please be kind to me. You're a new decade. Please don't mess me up more.

Sincerely,

The optimist who changed for the worst.

#rant #unrequited feelings #depersonalization #why am i like this #me #bullying #ptsd #depression #anxiety #eatingdisorders #self harm #trigger warning #tw #trust issues #trichotillomania

13 notes · View notes

inkdrinkershadowsinger · 4 years

Text

Thoughts/Background Prisoner of Azkaban

First all, let me state that without Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban that we would not have had a franchise. We would have had three movies then done. One hundred percent. This movie changed everything from the sharpness that was lacking in the first two, to the creative that stayed pretty true throughout the rest of the series. This made it less wholesome and sweet like One and Two, and channeled just everything into a solid direction that was edgy and new.

No magic outside of school. No wonder the ministry is watching his ass.

I’ve heard that this scene is supposed to represent Harry masturbating, and if that is true, then we sure have gone in a new direction.

No wonder he can’t sleep Vernon, you keep busting into his room every night.

The first two movies, I felt like Harry was rather young looking, but in this one, Harry and all of the others really grow up, and may I say, “Glowed up” as well.

Just look at the sharpness and clarity in this movie. It was filmed wwith a different camera entirely.

Marge is a bitch. I hate her guts. Umbridge is the number one villain, then her, then Voldemort.

Harry thinks he wins, and then he can spell some shit about to pop off.

And since Harry is a Gryffindor, he cannot keep his mouth shut when this horrible woman is insulting his parents.

And Harry has probably heard even at school that his mother just because of her blood wasn’t as good as anyone else, and to have that compounded when this horrible turnip comes to stay was probably way too much for him.

Dudley couldn’t care less. Petunia is very concerned that this is going to ruin her dinner.

See how Harry runs!!! He’s like, “Time to go.”

I love that we get this shot of Lily and James dancing in nearly every movie.

Try me, bitch.

Marge is floating away into the night sky. I would hate to be the person who had to fly up and get her down to be obliviated.

It looks like he is near a park, is the park that is adjacent to the one that Harry is in at the beginning of Ootp?

SIRIUS!!!!!!

Stan is amazing. He just states the obvious in the funniest of ways. If there wasn’t such an age difference with the suspected death eater activity, him and Luna would have been cute.

What does that red sign say above Stan’s head on the bus? It looks like it says, Black Pepper Impi???? I’m sure about the Black Pepper, but I’m not sure about the last or the first word.

Stan says the most iconic thing her, “Don’t you tell me that you’ve never been hearin’ of Sirius Black.” Stan’s incredulity is amazing here because every knows about Sirius. And everyone should, dang beautiful man.

Tom sure transformed for this movie.

I love that he would have a car out front. You could activate the alarm to keep Muggles who got to close to run off.

It looks like that quill is dictating what the minister is saying. He is most likely making a formal decree as he is telling Harry that everything is all well and good and he is getting off with a little slap on the wrist.

Sirius Black. This is one of the best names in literature. It is just perfect. It could be corny and ordinary but it is perfect.

I love that from the windows of the Leaky you can see both Diagon and also the Muggle world. It is a nice meeting point.

You know the shopkeeper was selling what, a hundred of these monster books, and no one thought to tell any of them how to open them without getting ripped up?

I love all the details in this movie. The guy stirring his drink with his hand, the maid here. I love it all. This movie is very detailed oriented.

The only known shot of who is probably the hottest Weasley brother, if not figuratively then definitely literally.

There is art on the walls of the Leaky, but none of them seem to be moving.

The person in the background is carring like 70 plates as they wobble above their head.

The tea is pouring itself.

Let me just tell you that perhaps you may actually get murdered this year, but no big deal, just keep your nose down. This seems to be such a British sort of thing, like keep your head down, and nothing bad will happen.

I hate those wanted posters because they look like they were taken upon intake, and Sirius has just lost everything, and the loss and angry and desperation portrayed here really messes me up. Like I know that they aren’t real people, but dang, those emotions are real.

Percy in the background here. I never noticed him before.

They all look so grown up. My gosh.

Lupin!

You can always count on Ron to tell the truth.

That bottle of water right there by Lupin’s head. I take it two ways. One, that’s legit all Lupin could probably afford on this trip. And two, it would be a good way for him to keep his face hidden, but see inside of it to see whose reflections are present so he can know who took the compartment with him. I also headcanon, that this is after a full moon night which is why he is a bit lethargic.

The reason that Harry passed out, and no others did was because the dementors were feeding off of him. They took at least three pulls from Harry, but not anyone else.

If you have any questions about whether Hogwarts curriculum is up to snuff just look at any movie. These kids should get a crash course in all the crap that could kill them immediately so that they are aware. I wonder what the accidental death rate is at Hogwarts?

The chorus!!! I know that this was an add in from the director, but I love it, and it should remain canon. I also like they copied it, though with a more nefarious sound during Half Blood Prince.

“Something wicked this way comes!”

Snape claps like three times.

Why would they seat him next to Snape in the first place? Dumbledore is a shit stirrer, and completely planned that.

Draco is a punk bitch. But at this point, you can just see that it is teasing more than anything nefarious. He’s a little bully.

Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if only one remembers to turn on the light. This is one of the most iconic quotes of the series.

Everyone is watching the Fat Lady perform. I love that they brought her to life more, but kept that sassy attitude.

This scene is pure gold. It brought a lot of needed MAGIC to this movie about magic.

I love that Hogwarts is this super prestigious campus with bridges and fountains.

The way that the Womping Wilow is used to portray time is amazing.

She has all of the tea cups stacked behind her. Are those from an earlier class that need to be washed?

This whole film was shot using VIVID from Iphone.

Everyone behind her just leans into see what new stuff Harry Potter is going to get up to this year.

Ron, get some glasses, that clearly looks like a fucking dog. Dang.

Ron is keeping track of his girl. It took them too long to get together.

I don’t care what anyone says about Hagrid as a teacher this lesson was amazing.

Some things are just so second nature to Hagrid. It is proof that different types of intelligence are ral.

When your friends are that choreographed to mock your enemies, like that is some commitment. I stan the Slytherins a bit for this.

In the books, Harry actually steps up for Hagrid instead of being volunteered by everyone else.

Drapple, part one.

That girl behind Ron and Hermione looks to be about twenty seven years old. Someone got into Hogwarts from this reality, and I am pissed that it wasn’t me.

Just the scope and grandeur of Hogwarts, and the grounds really just gets me.

Malfoy is such a whiner. But I assume that he isn’t quite used to pain, any pain really.

The ghosts, also, in this movie are way more dynamic then the ghosts in the previous films.

You really get a sense, a subtle one, of blossoming emotions between members of the opposite sex.

I never noticed that there are hands holding Sirius for this mug shot. It looks to be at least two people that are physically restraining him for this shot.

Lupin calls on Neville of all people, and I am obsessed with him forever because of this. It is popular fanon that the Marauders knew Frank and Alice. It would make sense that Lupin had heard something about Neville from the rest of the teachers, and decided to help bolster this child of his friends.

That image is seared into Neville’s mind.

Can a boggart touch people? I made a headcanon about that, but it would be nice to see what you all think.

I would have really liked to have sseen Hermione’s boggart. I know that the boggart scene in Fantastic Beasts left a few people underwhelmed, but I wonder if Hermione’s would have been just as tame.

McGonagall is authoritative. The perfect teacher balance.

I wonder how hard it was for Remus to stand on this bridge with Harry. I wonder what instance he is talking about here. Lily was there for him when no one else was? When? What instance? This is why we need more information about the Marauders era, and why I did a thing. If you want the thing, message me.

Is it weird that I’m a bit thirsty for head boy Percy’s voice?

She said the same thing to Sirius when he was a student. “Eyes like the devil.” But she probably didn’t mind as much then. We all know Sirius is smoking hot. Have you seen that Tumblr posts where Harry Potter series is ranked based on how attractive Sirius is described?

This might be the most beautiful that the ceiling of the Great Hall gets.

Snape knows how to assert dominance even as a substitute.

That projector is amazing looking.

I love that their school books in DADA are separated by creatures who sleep at night verses the day.

Malfoy isn’t even using that sling.

Hogwart’s professors do not give extra time on assignments okay, unless you are litearlly dead. If Harry had rolled up in there as a ghost, Snape would still be like, “Where is my essay?”

Is that supposed to be Cedric?

Why is Harry actually seeing the Grim though? Who is sending him these signs? How? Why?

That was a long way to fall.

We only see Dumbledore use his wand on a handful of occasions. Harry, the boy who will save them all, is literally falling out of the sky, and he still doesn’t use it.

You can see the Hufflepuffs in the background. I wonder who they were visiting. Madam Pomfrey probably can’t go one match without having a room full of patients afterward.

Fred Weasley looking fine.

The music here is amazing and soothing.

I imagine that kids swim out to that little island all the time during the warmer months.

Another reason Harry is not in Ravenclaw: It took him at least three Hogsmeade weekends to figure out that he could use his cloak to get there unseen.

Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs = My boys

I love when Fred and George speak in unison.

It looks like they make their own candy at the bottom of the shop.

Harry just took Neville’s lollipop though he can’t eat it as he walks down the street because it is on the outside of the cloak.

Hermione who grew up in the Muggle world instantly knows that it is Harry. Ron, who grew up in the wizarding world legit thought that it could have been ghosts from the Shrieking Shack.

Harry is someone who values loyalty above all else. It is why he eventually stands up for Neville and Luna because they were there for him at one point in time. To know that Sirius, the person who was his father’s best friend betrayed him is something that would have made Harry feel physically ill. It would be something that he wouldn’t entirely be able to process, and as a teenage boy, his feelings resulted in this show of anger and frustration.

Everything in this movie is visually stunning, and really sets the tone for the other films.

I wonder what Remus is thinking about in this situation. Is he wondering just why Harry doesn’t have many memories that he can draw on? Is he wondering what his life has been like? What his life would have been like if Lily and James had lived and thinking that he would have had all the happy memories in the world if they had?

You can see the instruments tracking the heavenly patterns.

So, does a Boggart take on all of the traits that the creature it is mimicking? If it takes the shape of a lethifold can it kill you? If it takes the shape of a dementor can it suck out your soul for real? What are the limitations?

And a train set? Does Remus have a thing for trains?

I wish that we would have got some more emotion here from Remus. Harry is giving all of himself here, and Remus is just quietly taking it all in.

Crookshanks in the house.

I love Hagrid’s outfit here.

Best Ron/Harry interaction. You kick those tape dance wearing spiders arses, Ronald Weasley.

In the previous two films we have those lights that blaze with fire like motion activated flames, but this hallway is dark and dank for dramatic effect.

At this point, Harry doesn’t believe in the maps infallibility so it would make sense that he doesn’t really go to anyone and explain what he say on the map. Also, how would he know that someone wouldn’t take it from him? He would have seen this as his only way to get to Hogsmeade with his friends, and he wouldn’t have wanted to give that up for anything.

The Marauders were some of the most intelligent students that have ever walked the halls of Hogwarts. They charmed this piece of parchment in what fifth year? They mapped almost the entire school, found several secret passageways, and helped out their friend in one of the most epic ways possible. I love them. (Peter found most of the passageways in his animagus form)

Read: Charming James Potter was one charming mother f-er. BET.

One of the only times Harry was pleased to read in front of a teacher.

Lupin to the rescue.

Snape is not subtle. It’s no wonder Hermione figured it out. Legit half of the Slytherins know, but they are so tired of having subpar defense teachers that they just go on with their business as usual.

I really wanted to see some more emotion on Lupin’s face. I want to see some subtly in the way that he looks at Harry or the way that he plays a scene. I want to see some longing for his lost friends or his friends son. I wanted to see more. I love this character, but I think it could have had more nuance.

Even the amazement at hearing Peter’s name is sort of dulled here. Idk.

Hermione is one hundred percent the person who cheats at board games, and who wrecked the board when she lost as a little girl. Only child syndrome.

This is the most visually pleasing classroom. You can see Sirius’ face in the crystal ball.

And does Harry tell anyone about this prophecy? Nope. No. Not anyone important.

Draco is instantly afraid because he knows that Hermione is a bad bitch. Also, he might be terrified because he knows how easy it is for people to lose control of their wands.

The Stonehenge like structures here are so interesting to me. They reach to the Heavens, they are in a circular pattern. If you’ll notice in movie 5, the chamber that the trial is in looks like it was built on top of an older chamber. It just makes everything feel as if the new is breeding from these old ancestral power lines or something of that nature, and I just love that idea.

Hagrid is the most responsible adult in this movie. Dumbledore and McGonagall are like, “Yeah, go ahead and meddle with time, no worries.” Hagrid is like, “Don’t worry about me and my feelings about Buckbeak, just get out of here, and be safe heading back to the castle.”

You have to think that even though Sirius spent 12 years in Azkaban that Peter’s time as a rat was never really all that perfect either. Being covered in bugs, constantly on the floor, people don’t really care for you, people who forget to feed you, 7 children all wanting your attention and pulling at you being the only pet that can’t fly in a house full of kids.

I always thought that was a very distinctive stone for Hermione to find and throw.

The time loop here always confused me.

The most awkward hug ever captured on film…no, wait....lol

When you are as blind as Harry James and I, losing your glasses means that you can’t see shit. You can’t see anything but swatches of color.

The Womping Willow has not forgotten that Harry and Ron threw a car into her. And she ain’t going to forget anytime soon.

“If you want to kill Harry, you’ll have to kill us too.” Loyalty, my friends. Absolutely crazy, we’re going to get sliced up by an escaped criminal loyalty, but loyalty none the less.

Sirius has spent twelve years in Azkaban, but is still a ten. I just read that Buzzfeed list about which HP characters had the most BDE, and I was not surprised to see Sirius Black on the list. Also, Professor McGonagall, who honestly should have held the top spot.

Lupin flirting from the word, “Go.”

Lupin has dealt with manic Sirius before. Several times.

“I did my waiting twelve years of it… in Azkaban!!!” Is one of the most iconic lines ever.

I had not yet read the books when this movie came out, and I remember be literally so surprised. “The rat is a man?? WTF?”

Snape, here, believes up to this point that Sirius is the reason that Voldemort was able to find Lily in the first place. He believes that Sirius is the reason that the only person Snape ever really cared about is dead. If Snape was a Gryffindor he would have went for the immediate gratification of AK’ing Sirius, but instead, Snape is a true Slytherin and that means that he is vicious, he wants to make sure the revenge is as bad as it can be. In that vein, he wants to let the dementors suck out Sirius’ soul. He wants Sirius to feel like he has felt all the years, like a body with no soul. Lifeless. Death, Snape would think, would be too easy for someone who had taken so much away from him.

Remus is like, “Okay, no, no negotiating or touching Severus at all, gotcha.”

Sirius is goading Snape even at wand point. You want to think that this is the Black family madness or Azkaban insanity, but it is just Sirius being a cocky bastard, overestimating himself and underestimating his opponents.

Sirius and Remus argued like this all the time. Snape gets the old married couple vibe, and honestly, me too.

This is how the Marauders argued. All standing, pacing the room is various shades of annoyance with one another, wishing the other would shut up, shouting “reason”, casting spells, Peter crawling under furniture to avoid said spells, aggressive politeness, “We do not say, “Shut up!””

I would kill Pettigrew for the insipid voice of his.

Why would Dumbledore put a piano in the shrieking shack in the first place.

This is one place where Remus shows some nuance. He wants to kill Peter, intensely. He only stalls and reluctantly at that, because Harry says something.

Sirius looking at the castle and saying that one day he wishes that one day he could walk inside as a free man fucks me up. Hogwarts to Sirius must represent the reverse of everything that Azkaban did. The two places that Sirius spent most of his life. The happiest and the unhappiest memories that he has. The place where he had his friends and then the place where he only had their memories.

I hate this. They all just gradually glance at the moon like something has gone wrong. Like they are calling attention to some fun little oddity.

I wonder how many times Sirius tried to talk to Remus in the form of a wolf. Did he really think that it was possible to call back Remus from the wolf? Had they tried that before? Did it work?

Snape still tries to protect the kids even after they stunned him. Snape has a pathological fear of werewolves, and yet, he stands in its way.

I feel like if Remus was honest with everyone, Dumbledore and Harry that he could have told Harry that meeting up with Sirius and James and Peter in their animagus form while he was the wolf and that they kept him from hurting people would have given Harry more confidence in Sirius’ ability to handle Remus and he wouldn’t have run off with him in the first place. Sirius might never have gotten caught. They all might have made it back to the castle. I don’t know. Honesty is the best policy.

What is that little ball of light that floats out and then in of Harry’s mouth? What is that? Is that supposed to represent his soul? Because Sirius’s soul would be blazing red, yellow, and orange.

The way Dumbledore says, “Scabbers”, like he legit thinks that Ron’s rat could have had a hand in the trouble.

Me and Ron are the same. Dumbledore is just so cheery about the prospect of these two kids going back in time to SAVE LIVES. They aren’t going to the store to get milk, Dumbledore, this is serious business.

Buckbeak is living his best life.

Harry really wants to believe that his dad conjured this Patronus. He has just seen Sirius who isn’t a mass murderer at all, but someone who loves him intensely. He thinks that he is going to get away from the Dursleys. He just blasted the teacher that he hates. He has literally just gone back in time to help save his friends and catch the real bad guy. I mean, why wouldn’t he even consider the possibility that his dad could have somehow cast the Patronus? For Harry, it would seem at least possible if not probable.

I hate when Harry says, “He will come.” Harry is someone who has always only been able to depend upon himself, but in this moment, he thinks that he can depend on someone else to come to his rescue. I know that he finds his own empowerment here, and is able to cast a super strong charm to help get himself and Sirius out of trouble, but he, once again, had to stand up and take care of things himself.

The explanation that he gives on how he casts the patronus doesn’t make sense to me either, Hermione, don’t worry. Time loops are tricky business.

Sirius is down for this ride. Don’t tell me he never played Quidditch. I will fight you. He mocked James for it at first, but then was just as fanatical.

The way that Sirius holds Harry’s face just messes me up. It is like he is trying to memorize every detail in his face.

Remus moved so many small personal objects into this office. It gives you the feel that he really thought that he might be able to stay, and I hate that he was forced out. He is using a cane the night after the full because it was so rough.

The twins are beautiful mischief makers and I love them. I wish we had more of them in these films, but they are sprinkled in wonderfully.

Even Percy has to see this broom in action.

This was the best end for this film because while Harry didn’t get freedom from the Dursley’s he did get some fun which is what godfather’s are for, right?

The art for this film is out of its mind. It is creative and wonderful, and really takes you inside of the theme for this movie. I love it, and even the credits draw you further in to this universe. This is one film that makes all the others better just because it exists.

#Harry Potter #Harry Potter thoughts #prisoner of azkaban #Movie thoughts #Harry Potter analysis

11 notes · View notes