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kingexpl0sionmurder · 3 years

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Mutual Misunderstandings - Kirishima Eijirou - Smut

Author: @kingexpl0sionmurder Pairing: Kirishima Eijirou / F!Reader Rating: 18+ (Contains smut) Words: 5,866 Warnings: Quirkless AU, Aged up characters (they adulty adults!), unprotected vaginal sex, oral (male receiving), very very light choking, reader has a bit of a size kink. AN: Another entry for the BNHAREM collab! This time we’re writing roommates, and I somehow managed to snag Kirishima! I’m super excited for all of the fics coming this time around, so make sure you click on the link below and read some of the other submissions!

This is my first time writing Kirishima and I’m super nervous about it. I’ve always really loved him because he’s just the best boy and he’s so brave and strong and gentle and I just want to cuddle him into oblivion. I also firmly believe he’s going to be a huge tank of a man when he gets older and I’m going with that vision of him here.

Collab Masterlist is HERE My Masterlist is HERE Buy me a KoFi if you’re feeling froggy HERE

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You stood in your living room, your jaw hanging open, staring at him in shock. Kirishima had a similar look on his face, the two of you pointing at each other like that Spider-Man meme.

“You mean to tell me you’ve had a crush on me this whole time?” You finally choked out, blinking owlishly at your best friend and roommate. “I thought you liked Mina!”

Kirishima sputtered, shaking his head. “No way! She’s my friend, we’ve known each other since middle school, you know that.” He moved to cross his arms across his broad chest. “And anyway, there’s no way you like me, you have a crush on Bakugou!”

There was no way this was happening right now. “No! I don’t like Bakugou like that! He’s a pain in my fucking ass, and I think about murdering him on a daily basis.” Facepalming, you groaned. “Are we really this stupid?”

How did you end up here?

It started back in your first year of college.

The parties and the seemingly endless studying had become a comfortable routine for you. So what if you were sleep-deprived and living on cup noodles? You were getting your higher education and ready to tackle the real world head-on in just a few short years.

A pipe dream, but still.

You had your best friend Shinsou by your side and a customer loyalty card at the campus coffee shop and everything was right with the world. You’d even managed to get paired up with Hitoshi’s (sort of) boyfriend for an English project, which was a better outcome than what you could have hoped for, not having to work with some rando on something that would be a large chunk of your grade.

Kaminari had suggested that you work on it at his place with the promise of Doritos, and you agreed. Who were you to turn down snacks? Poor college students needed those cheese dusted carbs to survive.

The Upsilon Alpha fraternity was one of the best and most popular on campus, and at first, you found it almost laughable that Kaminari was a member. At first glance, he seemed like a total space cadet stoner who didn’t belong in college, much less as a member of such an esteemed frat. However, after getting to know him, you knew that he was most definitely all of those things, but he was also insanely smart when it counted and kept above average grades in his classes (except for math, but with him being a bisexual disaster human, it came with the territory).

You had made some decent progress on your project after about an hour. The outline was done, and you were discussing how you would be presenting it since you had a choice between a written essay or a PowerPoint presentation.

Without warning, the kitchen door flew open, the doorknob slamming into the wall behind it.

“Well, the quiet was nice while it lasted, huh?” Kaminari blinked, completely unfazed by the commotion, leaning back in his chair and eating a chip.

Your gaze flitted over to the man who was glaring at the two of you from the doorway, his hands shoved in his pockets. Blonde hair that looked so much like an explosion was sticking up in every direction on his head, and you felt his red eyes trained on you as he took in the room. “What are you doing, Dunceface?”

Kaminari didn’t answer right away, raising his eyebrow and grinning at the new arrival. “Hey, Kacchan.”

If the bulging vein in the man’s forehead was any indication, Kaminari had said the wrong thing. He opened his mouth, and you assumed it was to threaten your project partner, but he was interrupted by a hand on his shoulder from behind.

“Bakubro, be nice. Kami has company.”

The man that appeared beyond the angry pomeranian took your breath away. He was...big. Like, his shoulders were so wide you wondered how he was going to fit through the doorway. And he was tall, with spiked red hair making him look even taller, big red eyes and sharp teeth, and the most beautiful smile you’d ever laid eyes on.

Blonde and grumpy grumbled, moving aside to let giant and red into the room, who then turned that megawatt million-dollar smile on you, and you tried your best not to stare at his biceps or the way his shirt clung to his chest.

Was it hot in here all of a sudden?

“Hi! I’m Kirishima, and this ray of sunshine is Bakugou, we’re some of Kaminari’s frat brothers!” He held out his hand for you to shake, and you smiled up at him, taking his giant hand in yours. The size of his fingers sent your brain reeling, and you knew you needed to get yourself under control before you started moaning out loud in front of him.

“I’m Y/N, it’s nice to meet you! Kami and I are just working on an English project.” You explained, grinning back up at him, trying to keep the lust off of your face. You didn’t want to look like some kind of freak.

He took his hand back and crossed his arms over his chest. “Oh, you must be Shinsou’s friend! Kami told us you’d be coming over, I forgot about that.” He turned, watching as Bakugou slunk over to the fridge and opened the door. “Don’t let us bother you, we’re just grabbing some water before we head to the gym.”

Kaminari snorted. “Dude, if you get any beefier we’re going to need to remodel the doors so you can fit through them.”

Kirishima turned as red as his hair, glancing at you, before he grinned at his friend. “If I stop, no one will be able to bench press you and Sero at the same time at the next party.”

“Bro, that is my favorite party trick of yours.” He sat up straighter, looking forlorn at the thought of it not happening anymore. “Okay, fine, go to the gym.”

Bakugou grumbled from behind him something that sounded like “I could bench press four of you if I wanted to.”

“Of course you could, buddy.” Kirishima slung his arm over Bakugou’s shoulder. “Okay, we’re out of here. It was nice to meet you, Y/N. Good luck with your project!”

Bakugou grunted and shoved a water bottle at Kirishima, shrugging out from under his arm and leaving the room. Kirishima smiled at you when you said goodbye, hurrying after his sour-faced friend and leaving you and Kaminari to your work.

“Your housemates are...interesting.” You managed, still trying to wrap your head around the red-haired man.

Kaminari snorted. “Kirishima is the walking definition of sunshine, and Bakugou is...well, he takes some getting used to. But he’s not a bad guy.”

You just hummed, chewing on your pen absently. “Can he actually bench press you?”

“Fuck yeah. He does it one-handed. You should come to our next party and see for yourself.”

Keeping your face as neutral as possible, you nodded. “Maybe I can convince Shinsou to come with me.” Wiggling your eyebrows at Kaminari when he blushed, you turned back to the notebook that lay open in front of you. “Come on, let’s figure this out so we can talk more about your intentions with my best friend.”

You did show up to the next UA frat party, Shinsou in tow. Your purple-haired bestie was grumbling the whole way, his hands shoved in his pockets. It didn’t stop him from making fun of how short your skirt was and teasing you about how you’d done nothing but talk about Kirishima since the day you’d met him.

“He’s like Clifford the Big Red Dog, Y/N. Clumsy and adorable.”

“He’s definitely big. I’d like to climb him like a tree.” You linked your arm with his, walking up to the giant house, the windows already rattling with the bass pumping through the speakers inside.

“You’re disgusting. I am appalled and also proud to call you my best friend.” Sarcastic as usual, he let you drag him along without a fuss.

“That sounds about right.”

The party was in full swing, half the campus milling around inside the house with red plastic cups in hand. You found Kaminari almost immediately, shoving Shinsou towards him and making your way to the kitchen to find yourself a drink.

“Y/N!” Kirishima was in front of you almost immediately, giant cat eyes and his shark tooth smile lighting up the room. “Kami mentioned you might show up!”

Blushing, you nodded, suddenly losing the ability to form words. He was wearing a tank top, his arm muscles on display, and you took a moment to thank the Lord for the blessing before you.

“You want a drink?”

You realized you were staring, so you cleared your throat and smiled at him. “Yes, please.”

His large hand wrapped around your elbow gently as he tugged you through the crowd in the kitchen and out towards the back porch. You tried not to think about how your skin was burning under his touch. You needed to get a grip.

He got to work on the keg, pumping the handle on the top and grabbing you a cup, tilting it a bit as he filled it with beer.

“Hey, shitty hair! Beer pong!” You turned to see Bakugou standing on the other side of the large wooden deck, his arm resting on the shoulder of a tall and lanky brown-haired boy. “Sero here wants to break up the dream team! Find a partner!”

Kirishima chuckled, shaking his head. “Yeah, hang on!” He turned to you, handing you your drink. “So, you play beer pong?”

Bringing the cup to your lips, you tilted your head back and chugged your beer, wiping your mouth off with the back of your hand when you’d finished. Kirishima was staring at you with wide eyes, looking surprised but pleased. “Yeah. I’m better when I’m drunk, though.”

He held out his hand for the empty cup, moving to fill it up again, his grin never faltering. “Let’s go kick their asses.”

That was the beginning of your friendship with Kirishima. What had started as a crush on the red-haired man had turned into a companionship that you couldn’t ever see yourself without. That was why you never said a word about how you really felt.

As cliché as it was, you didn’t know how you’d survived without the guy. He was nothing short of amazing. He was a great listener, and he gave good advice. He was always there when you needed him, bringing you soup when you were sick, going on late-night snack runs when you were up all night studying for exams, showing up with chocolate and tampons when it was your time of the month.

Shinsou had always done those things for you, but he was spending a lot of time with his boyfriend now. You weren’t upset about it though, you thought they were the cutest and you didn’t want to third wheel their time together, so you hung out with Kirishima and Bakugou a lot more often.

As Kaminari had told you on that first day, Bakugou truly wasn’t a bad guy. His attitude got on your nerves though, and you envisioned punching him in the face at least four times a day, but you didn’t dislike him. He and Kirishima were best friends, so he was a part of the package, and you learned to deal with him.

So it was a no-brainer when Kirishima and Bakugou approached you and asked if you wanted to get an apartment with them once you’d graduated. With the three of you living together, you were able to afford a nicer apartment than you’d ever dreamed of having that was in a central location and only a few train stops away from where your respective jobs were located.

Things were going well, and you’d done a decent job of keeping your true feelings for Kirishima to yourself. It helped that he’d never dated anyone, and you were free to lust after him quietly, under the impression that no one had caught on to how you really felt, perfectly content to continue as you had been since the day you’d met him.

The only wrench in your plans of quiet pining was Mina Ashido.

Mina was awesome, and you loved her to pieces. She was one of the only other females in your friend group and had been around since you’d gotten closer to the boys in the frat that first year of college. She was the perfect person to go to when you needed some self-care nights, always down to put on a face mask and paint your nails, and she was the best shopping partner.

However, you were thoroughly convinced that Kirishima liked her.

You’d noticed, as far back as your freshman year, how they always gravitated towards each other in social settings. Mina was always one of the last ones to leave when you went out back then, always the one Kirishima threw his arm around when you walked back to campus from the bar.

It was part of the reason you’d become close with Bakugou in the first place. Whenever Kiri was with Mina, you always sidled up to the explosive blonde, teasing him to distract yourself from the way your heart was squeezing in your chest.

Neither of them had ever mentioned having more than just a platonic, friendly relationship with each other, but you couldn’t shake the feeling you got whenever you saw them together.

It’s called jealousy, you idiot.

You had nothing to be jealous about though. Kirishima was your friend, and that’s all he would ever be.

Things had been going well, at least that’s what you’d thought. And then this morning had happened.

It was Saturday, which was your normal grocery shopping day. You and Bakugou had taken on the burden of shopping for groceries for the apartment. You’d allowed Kirishima to go once and he came home with more junk food than should be allowed in one cart, and half of the things on the list you’d given him missing, and more protein powder than should be legally allowed.

Bakugou had worked out a system and your grocery shopping trips were like a well-oiled machine that took no longer than an hour out of your day, and you were grateful for your grumpy friend and his penchant for being overly organized.

You finished getting dressed, ready to get this over with so you could use the rest of the day to play video games and be generally lazy. Walking into the living room, you stopped in your tracks to see your roommates glaring at each other, which was normal for one of them, and uncharacteristic for the other.

“Everything okay?” Your eyes darted between the two men, taking in Kirishima’s stiff posture and clenched jaw.

“Fine. I’m going shopping alone today.” Bakugou grunted, turning away from his best friend.

Puzzled, you frowned. “What? Why?”

Bakugou stopped in the doorway, turning to face the both of you, looking thoroughly fed up. He lifted his hand and pointed. “The two of you are making me want to commit myself. I’ve been dealing with this shit for years, and it ends today. You’re in love with each other. Figure your shit out and fuck already. I’ll be out for the rest of the day.”

You gaped after him as he turned again, giving you both the middle finger over his shoulder as he left, the door slamming shut behind him.

And that brings us up to speed.

“Are we really this stupid?” You asked, shutting your eyes and leaning your head back.

Kirishima sighed. “This doesn’t make any sense. Since when?”

Snorting, you flopped down on the couch, rubbing at your face tiredly. “Truthfully? Since the moment we met.” You guessed the cat was out of the bag, so you might as well tell him everything. “In the kitchen at the frat house.”

“When you came over to work on that project with Denki?” His eyebrows furrowed, an adorably confused look on his face. “Are you telling me I’ve been pushing you at Bakugou for nearly 5 years for no reason?”

“Yeah, you could stop doing that at any time and I would appreciate it. Unless you want me to strangle him to death.”

Kirishima flopped down on the other end of the couch, his shoulders slumping in defeat. “I’ve liked you just as long, you know? I saw you sitting in our kitchen and I thought I was going to throw up.”

“If that was supposed to make me feel good about myself then you’ve failed miserably.”

“No! I just mean, the butterflies-” He groaned. “Shut up and let me get this out okay?”

Smirking at him, you turned your body, leaning against the back of the couch. “Okay, sorry, keep going.”

Taking a deep breath, he continued, red eyes trained on your face. “Do you remember the frat party?”

“Which one?”

“That first one, when you chugged that beer in front of me and then helped me kick Bakugou’s ass at beer pong?” He waited for you to nod before he spoke again. “I’d never felt so enamored with anyone in my entire life.” Kirishima let his gaze fall to his hands. “You were so awesome and funny and beautiful and you kept up with my friends and their dumbass antics like a pro and I just...I couldn’t believe you were real. I just kept telling myself that you would never be into someone like me, so I decided that if we could be friends for life then that would be enough.”

“Ei…” You trailed off, frowning. You’d always known he tended to get down on himself. You and Bakugou had done your best to convince him he was worth much more than he let himself believe, but sometimes he needed a reminder.

“I know, I know. I don’t feel that way anymore, but at the time I did.” His hair was down, tied back in a loose bun, bits of his fringe falling in his eyes. He pushed a piece of it behind his ear and kept going. “So I tried to keep my distance, kept on hanging around with Mina, tried not to think about how much I wanted to be with you. She kept telling me I needed to tell you, kept rubbing it in that I wasn’t being manly about it. But you were hanging out with Bakugou so much I just figured you liked him and I didn’t want to get in the way.”

Closing your eyes, you let your head fall forward. “I was hanging out with Bakugou because I couldn’t stand seeing you with Mina so much. I was jealous.” Realization hit, and your eyes snapped open. “Mina knew?”

“Yeah, she’s the only one I told.”

“All those times we hung out and she never said a word.” Chuckling, you shook your head. “I told Shinsou. It’s like the only secret he’s ever kept from Kaminari. I threatened to mutilate him beyond all recognition if he mentioned a word to anyone.” You grinned sheepishly at him.

Kirishima huffed a laugh. “You’ve been spending way too much time with Bakugou. Your threats are just as creative as his.”

“Speaking of, I guess he figured it out on his own then.”

Humming, he shrugged. “He was always the smartest one out of all of us.” He looked over at you again. “So, now it’s your turn.”

Raising an eyebrow, you blinked at him. “For what? A heartfelt confession?”

“It’s only fair. I told you how I felt. What did you think when you first met me?”

You felt your ears get hot. “Do you want the truth? Because it’s kind of embarrassing.”

Shifting himself on the couch, he leaned against the arm, tanned forearms resting on his knees. “Oh, this should be good.” He teased, grinning.

“Shut up.” You sighed, preparing yourself for his reaction. “When you walked into the kitchen that day, my first thoughts were...uh...pretty dirty. Like X rated.”

Eyes wide, he stared at you. “Really? How dirty are we talking here?”

You covered your face with your hands, mumbling your answer behind them.

“Sorry, what was that?” He was fucking with you again, you could hear the smirk in his voice, and you were tempted to smack him with a throw pillow.

Taking a deep breath, you moved your hands from your face, looking him right in the eye. “I said, I wanted you to step on me.”

Sputtering, he blinked a few times. “What?”

“I mean, you were this...tank, Eijirou. Like this giant man with gorgeous eyes and a killer smile, with the personality of fucking sunshine and you had these big hands and I wanted you to wrap them around my throat and-”

“Whoa whoa whoa, seriously?” His cheeks were as red as his hair, his hands flailing as he stopped your tirade. “You wanted me to…?

Nodding solemnly, you looked him dead in the eyes. “Yes, and I’ve thought about that like every day since then.”

“I am learning things about you today that I never even imagined.” Blowing a breath out he slumped back, looking shook.

You hurried on, wanting him to know it was more than that. “I mean, after that I got to know you and I love everything about you, Ei. I just, you’re such a good person, better than I could ever be. You care about everyone and you’re always there for me, for all of us, whenever we need you. You’re strong and funny and brave. I always know that I can rely on you.” Sniffling, you couldn’t help the emotions bubbling to the surface.

“But you also want me to step on you.” He was grinning, his eyes a little wet, too.

Wiping at your eyes with your fingers, you chuckled. “Yes, exactly.”

Sighing, he leaned forward, grabbing your arm and tugging. “Come here.”

Crawling across the couch, you laid down between his parted legs, your head resting on his chest. He wrapped his giant arms around you and kissed the top of your head.

“Now what?” You asked, realizing you were afraid of the answer. What happened now?

He hummed, and you heard the sound vibrate through his chest. “I was going to suggest a nap, but now I keep thinking about what you said…”

You lifted up to ask what he meant, shifting your body and freezing when you felt something hard brush against your thigh. Eyes meeting his, you bit your lip at the look on his face, feeling a blush creep over your face and down your neck. “Yeah?”

“I figured we can do things out of order a little bit, right? I’m going to take you on a real date and court you properly, like a gentleman and all that, but right now all I can think about is, well…” He sat up, grabbing you around the waist and lifting you like it was nothing, until you were sitting properly on his lap, straddling his hips. When he was satisfied, his hand moved to your throat, putting the smallest amount of pressure on the sides of your neck with his calloused fingertips.

The moan that tore from your throat was low and quiet, but he heard it, muttering a curse under his breath as you became nearly boneless in his lap. “Eijriou.” You managed, licking your lips and gazing at him through half-closed eyes, your blood pounding in your ears.

It was ridiculous how turned on you were in that moment, and he’d barely done a thing. You felt his cock twitch beneath you, and you couldn’t help but grind down on him, the small amount of friction making you shiver.

Suddenly he was guiding you towards him, your noses bumping and breath mingling as he held you in place, his lips just out of your reach. “You don’t know how much I’ve always wanted you, Y/N.”

Letting your eyes slide closed, you ran your hands up his muscled arms and rested them on his shoulders to keep yourself upright. You were tired of waiting, of keeping yourself from what you wanted. “Show me.”

If you were to die right here on this couch it would have all been worth it. The feeling of his lips on yours, the way he ran his thumb lightly over your throat as he kissed you, had your eyes rolling back in their sockets. You couldn’t get enough of the taste of him, of the feeling of his hard body beneath your fingertips. He was careful with his sharp teeth, tugging at your bottom lip lightly, your tongues sliding together as he rolled his hips against yours.

You pulled back for air finally, taking in his kiss bruised lips and dilated pupils. Reaching down, you tore your shirt over your head, tossing it across the room, never breaking eye contact. You watched his gaze fall to your heaving chest as he worried at his bottom lip for a moment, obviously lost in thought.

Before you could ask him what he was thinking about, he’d shifted again so that his feet were on the floor. Kirishima lifted you off his lap and put you on your feet in front of him, hands moving to your waist, fingers slipping into the elastic of the leggings you were wearing. He pressed his face to your bare stomach, kissing your skin as he worked your pants down your thighs, slipping them past your knees. You played with his hair, moaning softly as he kissed along your hip.

When he sat back you stepped out of your leggings, feeling exposed. You forgot how to be awkward when he was looking at you like that, hungry and wanting. Stepping forward, you pouted. “Why am I the only one half-naked?”

Chuckling, he pulled his shirt off, and you sucked in a breath, trying to wrap your head around the fact that this man, with a chiseled and perfect body like a Greek god, wanted you.

You didn’t even have time to admire him, because he was moving again, pulling you closer by your thighs, sharp teeth hooking into the front of your panties and dragging them down. Tugging the tie out of his hair, you slid it on your wrist, letting your fingers card through his red locks. He let his hands do the rest of the work until the offending garment was tangled around your ankles.

Pushing him away gently, you watched him settle back on the couch, red eyes gazing at you as you reached back to unclasp your bra, letting it fall to the floor, finally fully exposed to him. Kirishima sucked in a breath, blinking a few times in disbelief. “God, you’re so beautiful.”

You kicked your panties to the side, moving to kneel in front of him, reaching up to grasp the top of his grey sweats, mouth-watering when you started to tug them down. Kirishima was huge everywhere else, so the size of his cock was of no surprise to you. He was massive, long, and girthy, and you couldn’t wait to feel him inside you, stuffing you full.

Rubbing your thighs together for some relief, you left his sweats around his ankles, leaning forward and grasping his cock in your hand. It was almost comical how small your hands looked compared to it. Your eyes locked with his as you licked a long stripe up the shaft, tracing along the prominent vein on the underside, and lapping at the precum dripping from the head.

Kirishima’s head fell back to rest on the cushion behind him, his fingers tangling in your hair as you took him into your mouth. Your jaw ached almost immediately as you did your best to swallow all of him down, willing your throat to relax. You’d spent so long thinking about how he would taste and sound as you sucked his soul out through his dick, you were going to make the most out of this moment.

His breathy pants filled the room, along with the obscene slurping sounds of your mouth around his cock. Gripping your hair and tugging lightly, you could tell he was holding back, his thighs shaking with the effort to keep from fucking up into your face. You pulled off, opening your mouth to let him know he could wreck you however he wanted, but he had other plans.

“Come up here, baby.”

The pet name sent shivers through you as you stood up, straddling his lap, his cock pressed up against his stomach. His thumb brushed over your lips, wiping away the spit and pre that spilled down your chin. Cradling your face in his large palm, he pulled you forward and kissed you deeply, his free hand sliding between your bodies. Thick fingers parted your folds, and you lifted up on your knees to give him better access. You moaned into his mouth as he brushed over your clit, gathering the dripping wetness of your cunt along his digits and sliding one finger inside your hole.

You clenched around him, breaking the kiss and keening loudly, your hips involuntarily bucking against his hand. His finger pumped in and out, curling slightly and pressing against your inner walls, stretching you. Gripping your hip with his other hand, he kissed his way down your jaw to your neck and chest, tongue flicking out over your nipple, hot breath ghosting over your skin with a chuckle when you grabbed his head and pulled him towards you.

One finger turned to two and then three as you rocked and mewled in pleasure, his thumb finding your clit again and pressing against the bundle of nerves, whispered praises reaching your ears as he sucked and bit at your breasts. You were on the edge, wanting to fall over and drown in him, needing to cum all over his fingers and then again on his cock, wanting nothing more than to feel this way forever.

“Ei I’m gonna…” You panted, unable to form the words.

Grunting, he moved his fingers faster, pressing his thumb in a little harder, his words of praise streaming steadily, telling you how good you were, how pretty you looked. Eyes rolling back, your body tensed, a moan in the sound of his name leaving your lips as you shook, cumming harder than you ever had in your life.

You were still clenching when he pulled his fingers out of you, his hand slick with release as he tugged on his cock and lined it up with your entrance, your body mourning the loss for mere seconds before he was filling you again. The slick glide of your arousal had you taking nearly all of him, the two of you groaning in tandem at the feeling. Gripping his shoulders, you lifted slightly, slamming your hips back down and taking him to the hilt. The stretch was just on the edge of painful, but his thick digits had stretched you just enough that the pleasure superseded any discomfort.

Still trying to gather yourself after your orgasm, you took a moment to breathe, studying his face, your gaze tracing over the scar on his eyelid, and his dark lashes fanning over his cheeks. An hour ago you never could have imagined you’d be here, panting shakily, drenched in sweat and skin to skin with your best friend and roommate.

Clenching around him, you held his shoulders, rocking forward and lifting yourself slightly. Kirishima gripped your hips, fucking up into you in a steady rhythm, his lips finding yours once again to swallow the panting moans leaving you. You bounced on his cock, relishing the feeling as he kissed down your neck, his fingertips digging into your flesh, sure to leave bruises for you to admire the next day.

You weren’t sure how much time had passed, but it didn’t even matter. Just being this close to him, feeling him filling you so completely after wanting him for so long, it could have been minutes and you’d be happy. Knowing he felt for you as strongly as you felt for him was enough.

His fingers trailed along your front and dipped in between your bodies to rub your clit again, and you felt the pleasure race down your spine, coil tightening again and ready to break. “Oh fuck, Eijirou!”

Growling, he grunted your name as his hips snapped up to meet yours, chasing his release. “I love you, Y/N.”

His words tipped you over again, your breath catching as you came, the wet sounds of his cock plunging into you increasing as you gushed around him. You buried your face in the crook of his neck, completely spent. You held onto him as he slammed into you a few more times, rhythm faltering and hips stuttering until he was filling you up with a loud groan.

Collapsing back onto the couch, he held you to his chest, the two of you gasping for air. It was quiet for a few minutes as he rubbed his palm along your back comfortingly. You felt relaxed and sated, a pleased smile making its way to your face when you thought about what he’d said.

“Hey, Ei?” You pulled back slightly to look at him, giggling when he peeked one eye open to gaze at you.

“You okay?”

“Mm. I just wanted to tell you that I love you, too.”

He looked sheepish, opening both eyes and biting his lip. “I didn’t mean to tell you like that. I wanted it to be romantic.”

“That was plenty romantic, Eijirou.” Rolling your eyes fondly, you shifted in his lap. “I’m just happy to hear you say it.”

“Man, we did this all wrong. I should have at least taken you to dinner first. This is so unmanly of me, I just couldn’t help it.” He frowned. “I’m sorry-”

“You’re too good sometimes, Ei. I’m not complaining, am I?” You raised an eyebrow. “We should go get cleaned up before Bakugou comes home and finds out we fucked on the couch.”

“Please don’t talk about Bakugou while you’re sitting on my dick.” He made a face that caused you to bust into gasping laughter.

“Oh my god, I can’t.” You wheezed. “You’re ridiculous.” You moved to get up and he stopped you.

With a serious look on his face, he pushed your hair away from your face, his hand lingering near your ear. “I do love you though, Y/N. And I’m glad we finally got here. I didn’t think we ever would.”

Expression softening, you leaned into his palm, smiling at him. “Me too.”

Maybe if you had just told him how you felt all those years ago, you would have been able to have this sooner. But you promised yourself that you wouldn’t dwell on the past, deciding to focus on the future, because you knew it would be filled with more moments with him just like this.

#kirishima eijirou #kirishima eijiro #kirishima eijirou x reader #kirishima eijiro x reader #bnha #bnha x reader #eijirou kirishima #eijiro kirishima #mha #mha x reader #kirishima eijirou smut #kirishima eijiro smut #bnha smut #mha smut #eijirou kirishima smut #eijiro kirishima smut #kingexpl0sionmurder writes #bnharem collab

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zackcrazyvalentine · 3 years

Note

Can i request the twst first year noticing something on the fem crush's neck. They think its a hickey but its just a mosquito bite. I want them all together in one fic but if you cant do it then it's fine, it can be separated.

Ah, ah~ another fun prompt to see in fandoms! Lends itself for very funny situations

Which I attempted to portray here :b

Go on an enjoy!

Title: “Who was it?!”

-- -- --

P.E. classes always had students sweating their skin off; Vargas was a relentless teacher whose head could not understand his harsh training was hard to keep up with.

It was normal for students to remove the top part of their coverall sports uniform and zip off or roll up the long pant legs to allow fresh breezes to cool them off.

[Name] decided to partake on this today, it was burning and the professor was as demanding as ever to push everyone to their limit. She normally kept the top of her uniform to prevent unwanted gazes to her body.

It so happened that a group of first years was hanging out in the sports field too. “Ah, those guys are here as well. Maybe I should go say hi to them.”

Five boys were arguing about something or other, Sebek, Ace and Epel appeared very fired up at the discussion.

“Hey, guys! What are you all talking about?” They all jumped at the sound of her voice. “Boys can be so weird…”

“Ah! Eh… Nothing...important…” Ace delivered nervously.

“Uhm, sure.” She brushed it off, “Anyways, mind me joining you guys for a while?” Before they could answer, [Name] sat down along the group’s formation and began fanning herself to alleviate the heat and dry off the sweat.

The boys continued speaking with themselves, albeit a little robotically.

Being the closest to the ground where she sat to the [ x ] year, Epel was the one to notice it…

A red spot of considerable size on the girl’s beautiful neck.

Right then, the Pomefiore student got a flashback of those hentai manga he sneaked glances at in his hometown’s secluded library.

“The pact… They broke the pact!” He became enraged.

He exploded, “Which one of ya fuc-?!”

The pact… of not making a move on [Name] until she herself spoke out to any of them if she had a crush on someone, one of them, or anyone in general.

To the small 1st year’s knowledge, she had yet to speak about anything romance related.

Felmier tried to swallow down the even bigger urge to scream. “W-Which one of you… d-did it?! We had… a pact, you-! You dishonest buffoons!” It was hard to keep up the posh and proper Pomefiore student front when all he wanted was to punch their faces.

“Epel!!” The boy was cut off by Vil yelling at him from a distance. Everyone flinched at the stern callout.

Seems like the dorm head decided to have his yoga session outside. How inconvenient.

Jack was the first to speak, “What are you talking about? Do what? Why would you think someone broke the pact?”

Ace followed, “Are you delirious?!”

Sebek nodded, booming voice amping his statement. “I must agree with Trappola this time. You’re pointing fingers unjustly! How do we know it was not you who broke the pact?!”

Before Epel could defend himself, Deuce exclaimed, “Sebek’s right! Your sudden outburst is suspicious! No one knows what you’re blaming us for except you!”

“ ‘T fuck ya mean by that, city boy?! ‘Tis clear as day, a damn big red mark on her neck!” Epel snapped at the accusation, but a heavy glare at the back of his head corrected his speech, "Ahem… I-I mean… There's clearly a distasteful bruise marring the...pristine skin of her neck! The culprit better confess now!"

"Mark on her neck?" Jack questioned, coming closer to the sitting girl.

"Woah, what's going on? Whose neck? What mark? What are you guys even getting angry about? What pact?" The [dorm] student was full of doubts and ready to push away anyone that dared come too close.

With a shaky sweet smile, the lilac haired instructed, "Dear [Name], can you please turn your head to the side for a moment? Just...to check for something."

She hesitated, but complied no less. The Heartslabyul duo's surprised reactions worried her, "What? What's wrong?! Why are you acting so weird?"

"Look at the size of that! Well, clearly Epel couldn't do it, he's too small." Ace thought out loud, which gained him a ferocious death stare from the mentioned boy.

"Ace, didn't you have a study session alone with [Name]?" Deuce questioned, voice holding a threatening tone.

The other half-of-a-whole-idiot opened and closed his mouth, unable to speak. He resorted to winking and giving finger guns.

"Ya bastard! It was you all along!" Epel and Deuce accused.

Trappola protested, "Hey, I wasn't the only one having alone time with her! You also had a private lesson with her, Deuce! And Jack, I saw you hanging back with her after practice!"

"Woah! Look at it! It has small dots surrounding it!" The shortest boy of the group pointed at the strange mark on [Name]'s neck.

The human trio remained silent while Jack sighed, knowing where this would lead to.

"It's one of you two! With your sharp fangs and whatnot!" Accusing fingers were directed at them.

Sebek was the one to defend himself first, "I have not been able to meet [Name] this whole week for our scheduled reading session! Don't even dare point blame at me!"

"You guys are insufferable, why would either of us bite down on the one we fancy without going all out?" The wolf growled.

"Exactly! Howl speaks the truth! Coupling and the like are serious matters to us fae! ...and beastmen!" Zigvolt backed the claim.

They continued arguing intensely as a very weirded out [Name] watched in horror and confusion.

"Are they referring to me? What even is the thing they're talking about?" She pondered, her own hand traveled up to feel at her neck. "Itchy...very itchy…" So she did what instinct said and scratched the spot.

"What has gotten into their heads?" Grim suddenly approached the sitting one.

The [color] haired sighed, "Something or other about breaking a pact and a mark on my neck." She turned to look at the cat-monster, "Say, Grim, can you do me a favor and tell me what exactly is on my neck? I just know it itches and feels slightly hotter than the rest of my skin there."

Round azure eyes examined the spot he was told to. "Oh! It seems to be a mosquito bite!" The feline spoke loudly.

"Seriously?! You have those here too?! Uuugh, what a drag!" [Name] groaned at the news.

The yelling suddenly stopped.

"Come...again?" Sebek, for once in their whole friendship, spoke in a low voice.

Grim repeated himself, "What [Name] told me to look at in her neck, it's a mosquito bite… Maybe she got it while sleeping."

Everyone took a good look at the red bump again, letting a small "oh" after realizing their mistake.

"Ahaha… so, uh… guess it was all a misunderstanding…" Ace said, bringing an awkward silence afterwards.

"Anyways, guys," The girl stood up, "Care to explain what was all that about a pact and worrying who did this to me? What about that thing of biting down on the one you fancy?" Peeved [eye color] looked between all of them as she crossed her arms.

"N-Nothing to worry about much, [Name]! I-Its just..!" Deuce began.

"Dumb teen boy things, don't e~ven worry! Ahaha..!" Ace seconded.

Jack cleared his throat, "Something, uh… Leona wants me back at the dorm at this hour. See you around." The tan boy fled the scene.

"Y-Yeah! The Young Master must be soliciting my services! I must go. Farewell." Sebek followed.

"I-I believe Vil called for me earlier!" Epel ran as fast he could, in the complete opposite direction to where the dorm leader was exercising.

"Dumbasses, bunch of dumbasses…" The [hair color] sighed. "They all have a crush in me, don't they?"

Ace and Deuce looked at each other before laughing nervously, "Yeah, we, uh…"

"Have to feed the flamingos!"

"Indeed! Can't let them feed themselves!"

"So~... We gotta go, get changed, into the pink clothes, else they will...b-...b-..."

"Bite! Yeah, they bite and peck very hard!"

"Oh, yes! Aha… So… See ya 'round!"

"Bye for now!"

"That they do...that they do…" Grim confirmed.

[END☆]

Anyways~ hope this was a fun read! ( ＾▽＾)/

-- -- --

Epel, dear, you shouldn’t be on that section of the library...

Thank you for the request~

#March 2021 special #request pavilion #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #1st year gang #Ace Trappola #Deuce Spade #Jack Howl #Epel Felmier #Sebek Zigvolt #zack writes #fun times

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liathebookwyrm · 2 years

Text

Untamed au where everything is the same but when the ducklings start going on nighthunts unsupervised they seem to have an unrealistic amount of luck. Like clues lining up a little too conveniently, narrow escapes that shouldn't have happened, residual resentment just...disappearing from an area... And it might be weird, but hey they're new to this, maybe that's how it happens.

Jingyi insists it's cause Sizhui is just that nice, but then they bump into Jin Ling for the first time and find out he's been experiencing the same thing independently ("maybe even the ghosts find you annoying, young mistress, have you thought of that?")

It probably would have gone undetected for a lot longer but then the Lan kids get assigned a nighthunt WAAAAAAY above their paygrade (later Lan Wangji would have Words with the person in charge of assignments. That person would wake in cold sweat for a long while after). So they're cornered by something big, twisted and with way too many teeth when it....explodes. It's disgusting, there's monster bits everywhere, and in the haze of all the resentful energy the boys could have sworn they saw a figure.

Now, "helpful ghost" would have already been a suspicious thing to put on a nighthunt report (especially since the sentence wouldn't conclude with "and then we laid them to rest"), but "helpful ghost that can apparently manipulate resentful energy".... Hoo boy, they would never be allowed out of Cloud Recesses.

So they do what they always do with questions that would push Lan Qiren towards qi deviation. They ask Lan Wangji. Lan Wangji, who did not expect to hear any of that and especially the description of the ghost being "tall, slim, was holding a flute".

Cue the many, MANY emotions because that means: a. Wei Wuxian lingered as a ghost, b. figured out how to manipulate resentful energy from beyond the grave, c. somehow managed to avoid answering to Inquiry for the past 13 years. Also the slightly thorny question of how exactly to explain even part of that to the kids. Once again Lan Wangji regrets that he cannot drink.

He probably tells the boys not to worry and that he will look into it and then he goes to a sufficiently remote place to meditate and/or scream. Also to play Inquiry again because this time he knows Wei Wuxian definitely can hear him. Qin language doesn't include swearing but "Wei Ying, I know you can hear me [you bastard]" is probably conveyed. There's a long pause and then the most awkward "hi" in Inquiry's recorded history. Cause Wei Wuxian knows the jig is up since he tagged along with the kids and heard them talking. There's definitely tears. They have to stop and start a few times because there is no way Lan Wangji is nowhere near the state of mind required for this sort of thing. That might actually had something to do (in the beginning at least) with him failing to contact Wei Wuxian. The rest was definitely Wei Wuxian first being to weak to answer and then refusing because he's Wei Wuxian and one day put his self-worth down and forgot to pick it up again.

Eventually they both calm down enough to have a frank conversation. Frank because Lan Wangji has no reason to lie and Wei Wuxian cannot lie because Enquiry. It's....interesting. Multiple misunderstandings are cleared up a year or two early. Feelings are alluded to but not openly discussed. I imagine Wei Wuxian lingered at his place of death as a ghost for a while before figuring out how to feed on residual resentful energy and as soon as he got strong enough he started to wonder. He reaches Gusu....early on in Lan Wangji's seclusion. The Cloud Recesses will never know how close they came to becoming round two of Burial Mounds because I imagine even if outsiders didn't know of it, in some circles within the Lan the whole thing was discussed. And.. well he went there looking for Lan Wangji and found him still recovering. Wei Wuxian still has feelings about this whole thing. They are very violent so he tries to keep them to himself because he's still not 100% convinced Lan Wangji won't banish him. Incidentally he doesn't know who Sizhui is. The first time he came to Gusu was after A-Yuan was adopted so he just knows him as Lan Wangji's adopted son. And, well, he likes kids, A-Yuan is adorable at any point and if nothing else that's his Lan Zhan's kid. Of course he'll get attached. And then Jingyi joined the family dinners (and sleepovers) and Wei Wuxian cannot resist cute kids. And Jin Ling is pretty self-explanatory.

I like to think that Lan Wangji kinda blurts out who Sizhui actually is because he can't have Wei Wuxian thinking he failed to protect everyone. Which cues nicely to Lan Wangji asking (after Wei Wuxian has calmed down from that particular infodump) if Wei Wuxian was around this long then why didn't he ever answer before. And Wei Wuxian probably tries to avoid answering but between his heightened emotions and ghosts being unable to lie leads to a wonderful insight into his very self-recriminating pov and oh dear that will take long and painful conversations to untangle.

But back to the kids. Lan Wangji is actually relieved that someone is keeping an eye on them at nighthunts (he absolutely does it himself as often as he can, but he has his own duties to attend to) and would probably like to sit down with Sizhui and have some sort of conversation about who exactly is the ghost but Wei Wuxian insists the kids will freak out if they learn who he is so he just reassures Sizhui and Jingyi that he spoke with the ghost and (exploding monster aside) they have nothing to worry about.

Unforeseen consequence: both boys become scarily good with Inquiry because they want to be able to talk to their "ghost-ge" directly (Wei Wuxian has ALL THE EMOTIONS about being addressed as such). This of course means that they start getting more ghost-related hunts seeing as they have become so good at pacifying them (truly gifted, a credit to their sect, blah, blah, blah...and if Jin Quangyao is asking about their progress a little too often, Lan Wangji has enough sway within the sect -and Wei Wuxian's reports of what he has seen when wondering Lanling- to make sure they do not go to any hunts near Jin territory without him).

How interesting it is then that one or two years down the line, while on their way to deal with a haunting at Mo village, their ghost-ge suddenly...disappears. How equally interesting that when they arrive there, the local lunatic takes one look at them and calls them ducklings to their face. And proceeds to coach them through the nighthunt (once a senior disciple, always a senior disciple). They don't quite make the connection (how could they?) until they send a flare for their other dad Lan Wangji, and Wei Wuxian (with the benefit of a year's worth of brutally honest and absolutely necessary conversations) absolutely tackles Lan Wangji in a hug the second he is within reaching distance.

#the untamed #wei wuxian #lan wangji #lan sizhui #lan jingyi #jin ling #your friendly neighbourhood ghost #ghost au #this is pure self indulgence #I write for the niche audience of me #and possibly five other people #it's always gremlin hours in the afterlife

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inevitably-johnlocked · 3 years

Note

heeeey any insecure!john?

Hi Nonny!

Ahhhh, you know I’ve collected fics over the years but I’ve mixed them up with the Sherlock ones, so I think I’ll start anew and start fresh! I know I’ve missed a lot when I pulled them out of the old lists, so forgive me! Hope you enjoy what I’ve got here for you!

As always, Lovelies, please add your insecure John fics!!

INSECURE JOHN

See also:

BAMF! But Insecure John

Insecure / Awkward John or Sherlock (Jan 2019)

Concussions And Good Old Fashioned Awkwardness by Belldere (K+, 894 w. || Humour, Hospitals, Mild John Whump, Misunderstandings, Platonic Relationship, Concussions, Not-Gay John, Possessive Sherlock) – When John lands himself in hospital... again, all he wants is to just get out of there as soon as possible, too bad his doctor has other ideas about where John may be getting his injuries. Good thing concussions make everything strangely funnier.

I Was Wrong by AllesandraQuartermaine (K, 1,496 w., 1 Ch. || TGG AU, Friendship, Hospitalization / Injury, John’s Self Esteem, Sleepy Sherlock) – Sherlock and John have a conversation a few days after the pool face off with Moriarty. And John hears something quite surprising.

Hell or High water by bluefire301175 (E, 2,250 w., 1 Ch. || PWP, Frottage, Alley Sex, First Person POV John, Case-ish Fic, Mutual Pining, Bed Sharing) – John wants. Sherlock wants. Plain and simple.

Not My Proudest Moment by charlock221 (K, 2,695 w., 1 Ch. || Lunar New Year, Mild PTSD / Panic Attack, Coping Mechanisms, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort) – John tries his best not to get in the way of Sherlock's cases, but when the vivid noises of fireworks unnerve his senses and begin to bring back unwanted memories of Afghanistan, he cannot help but to hope Sherlock will notice and help him before things go too far.

Closeted by Sexxica (E, 2,762 w., 1 Ch. || Trapped in a Closet, Panicking Sherlock, Hand Jobs, Coming in Pants, Awkward Conversations, Love Confessions, First Kiss, Fluffy Ending) – An improvised hiding spot and a bit of accidental voyeurism leave John and Sherlock in an awkward position.

The General Idea by agirlsname (T, 3,022 w., 1 Ch. || Retirement, Promise of Forever / Proposal, POV John, First Kiss, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Soft Sherlock, Idiots in Love, Crying / Emotional Sherlock, Love Confessions) – After twenty years of friendship, John is used to Sherlock acting weirdly. But the news Sherlock finally brings himself to deliver change the carefully built dynamics between them, and John realises it's time to act.

Paranoia by Ewebie (M, 3,789 w., 1 Ch. || Humour, Drinking Games, Scotland Yard Gang, Jealous / Possessive Sherlock, Inappropriate Questions, Embarrassed John, Matchmakers) – John and Sherlock join the gang of Scotland Yard for a night of drinking, and it gets a bit personal and revealing.

Coldness/Heat by agirlsname (E, 3,790 w., 1 Ch. || Cuddling & Snuggling, Body Heat, New Year’s Eve, PWP, Bedsharing, Frottage) – The inn is booked up on New Year's Eve. The train home is cancelled because of the snow. The only option is to sleep in the non-heated guest room of a client, and John and Sherlock are freezing. You know where this is going. Part 1 of New Year's Kiss

The Oolong Disaster by unicornpoe (T, 4,151 w., 1 Ch. || John’s Beard, Fluff, Humour, Frustrated Sherlock, John Takes Care of Sherlock, Case Fic-ish, Pining Sherlock, First Kiss, Possessive Sherlock) – John has a beard. Sherlock has a panic attack.

Afghanistan in Baskerville by Amaya Ramiel (K+, 4,357 w., 1 Ch. || THoB Fic, Hurt/Comfort, Drugged John, PTSD / Panic Attack, Hallucinations, Worried Sherlock, John’s Past, Friendship) – What if John hadn't seen the hound when Sherlock trapped him in the lab? What if instead, his very real nightmares of the war had materialized all around him? Trapped and drugged, John can't tell what's real and what's not. How will Sherlock react?

Overture by Kate_Lear (M, 4,435 w., 1 Ch. || First Kiss / Time, Friends to Lovers, Angry John, Introspection, Dev. Rel., Embarrassed / Insecure Sherlock, Morning After, Bed Sharing, Cuddles / Limpet Sherlock) – A short snippet on how John and Sherlock might have got together.

What You Are Worth by Lastew (T, 4,488 w., 1 Ch. || Observant but Insecure John, Friendship, Crime / Case Fic) – John helps Sherlock with a case, but he questions his real value to Sherlock.

Let Down by Gandalf3213 (K+, 4,505 w., 2 Ch. || Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, John Whump, Insecure John) – John truly is sorry for letting Sherlock down. The only thing he wanted to do was finish the case, but bleeding out in a dark alley makes it harder for him to pursue that murderer running out of sight.

Sherlock and John Go Clubbing by wendymarlowe (E, 4,716 w., 3 Ch. || Clubbing, Dirty Talk, Dancing, Coming Untouched, Coming in Pants, Bi John, For a Case, Friends to Lovers, Flirting, Sherlock is Lost for Words, Sexy John, Mutual Pining, Possessive John, Floor Sex/Hand Job/Frottage) – John pinched the bridge of his nose - even for Sherlock, this was a new level of no bloody boundaries. “You want me to go with you to a gay club, wait around twiddling my thumbs while I let you get pawed by a criminal, then out-flirt him and talk you into coming home with me instead?” Part 32 of John and Sherlock's Kinky First Times

Pillow Talk by scullyseviltwin (M, 5,183 w., 1 Ch. || Post-S3, Angsty Fluff, Pillow Talk, Bed Sharing, Worried John, First Time Morning After, Soft Sherlock, Sexuality Discussion, Love Confessions, Kisses and Cuddles) – John has been looking at Sherlock for ages, it feels like.

Welcome Home, John by slashscribe (G, 5,504 w., 1 Ch. || Post-S3, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Awkwardness, Stabbed Sherlock, Protective Sherlock, Panic Attack (Sherlock), Self Esteem Issues, Love Confessions, First Kiss) – When John moves back to 221B, he thinks he’s the broken one, but after a while, it becomes clear that he might not be correct.

An Interpretation of Viewing Habits by akitsuko (E, 6,653 w., 1 Ch. || Porn Watching, Masturbation, Anal, Friends to Lovers, First Kiss / Time, Declarations of Love, Jealous Sherlock, Fantasizing, John in Denial / Internalized Homophobia, Bottomlock, Pining Idiots, Sherlock Has No Boundaries, Cockblocking Sherlock) – John watches porn. It's a perfectly normal thing to do.If every video he watches happens to feature actors with remarkable physical similarities to his flatmate, well, that's no one's business but his own. Or: John is in denial, until his infatuation with Sherlock is impossible to deny anymore.

Inconvenient Timing by TheMadKatter13 (M, 7,072 w., 1 Ch. || Omegaverse || Omega John/Alpha Sherlock, Romance, Public Heat, Scared John, Protective / Worried / Possessive Sherlock, Post-TBB AU, Caring Sherlock, Pre-Slash, Happy Ending) – When John's heat failed to appear three times in a row after he was shot, he figured it was just another broken piece off the broken toy soldier. So he was rather surprised to feel it start out of the blue...and not at all pleased with it starting while he was on the tube.

Sometimes When We Touch by kedgeree (M, 7,755 w., 6 Ch. || Post-TRF, First Kiss/Time, Inappropriate Giggling, Romance, Friends to Lovers, Virgin Sherlock, John Whump, Touching) – John might be touching Sherlock a little more often than is strictly necessary. Sherlock probably hasn't even noticed. Right...?

Victim, Bait, Hero, Friend by KimberlyTheOwl (T, 7,887 w., 1 Ch. || Post-TGG Epilogue, Angst, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Introspection, Past Kidnapping / Torture / Implied Rape, Panic Attacks, Worried / Possessive Sherlock, Lestrade is a Good Friend) – Some insights into why John was perfectly willing to throw everything away for a chance to kill Moriarty at the pool. Trauma, ugliness, and finally healing. Some nice supporting work by Lestrade as well.

Every Night I Look for You by destinationtoast (E, 8,377 w., 1 Ch. || POV John, Post-TRF, Angst, Mystery, Unsafe Sex, BAMF John) – Every night, John looks for familiar hints of Sherlock in the men he meets in bars, and he does with them all the things he wishes he’d done before. Eventually, he stumbles into a situation that Sherlock would know how to handle, and John must decide whether he can handle it without him.

Just Like That by sussexbound (E, 8,442 w., 1 Ch. || First Time/Kiss, Frottage, Virgin Sherlock, French Kissing, Anal, Emotional Lovemaking, Enthusiastic Consent, Tenderness, Crying John, Bathing/Washing, Insecure John, Toplock) – John doesn’t want to talk anymore. He wants. Oh dear god, how he wants. For the first time in what feels like years he WANTS.

Unwasted by patternofdefiance (E, 8,966 w., 1 Ch. || Post-S3 / S3 Fix-It, Developing Relationship, Friends to Lovers, Angelo’s, Fluff, First Time, Anal, Cum Play, Flashbacks to ASiB, Mutual Pining, Love Confessions, Bottomlock, Cuddles, Multiple Orgasms, BJ’s, Bed Sharing) – John finds it three months after he's moved back. He's on the hunt for something to make for dinner, is scrounging through the cupboards, when he happens upon the graveyard of pasta boxes Sherlock still seems to create when left to his own devices. Behind seven boxes of pasta, all almost completely empty, is a dark-glassed bottle, with a paler coat of dust. It's unopened. John's face falls slack when he sees it, instantly recognises it, and for a long moment he just stands and looks at it.

Ravish Me by amalnahurriyeh (E, 10,025 w., 1 Ch. || UST / RST, Makeup / Lipstick, Sympathetic Sally, Experiments, Pining John, First Kiss, Face Fucking / BJ’s, Cuddling) – Sherlock is experimenting with patterns of wear on lipstick in daily encounters. John is going to go insane.

A Is For Aftermath by ElvendorkInfinity (T, 10,567 w., 1 Ch. || Injury / Whump, Hurt/Comfort, Friendship/Pre-Slash/Bromance/Platonics, Hallucinations, Introspection, Insecure / Worried John, Big Brother Mycroft, Alternating POV, Anxious Sherlock, Self-Deprecating, Mildly Possessive Sherlock, 3G Moment) – John is still hallucinating, Sherlock cannot sleep, and Lestrade has a new case for them. But will life at 221B ever be able to return to normal? Epilogue to M is for Moriarty.

London Gods by a_different_equation (E, 11,092 w., 5 Ch. || American Gods Fusion || Magical Realism, Sex Magic, True Love, PTSD John, First Kiss/Time, Marathon Sex, Sensuality, Genie Sherlock, Human John, Internalized Homophobia, Star-Crossed Lovers, Soul Mates) – Sherlock Holmes is a jinn who does not grant wishes. However, when Dr. John H. Watson, recently returned from the war in Afghanistan, gets into his cab by "accident", it might not even need magic to grant both men their deepest wish: love.

On The Fence by BeautifulFiction (T, 13,770 w., 1 Ch. || Fencing, Case Fic, First Kiss, Insecure John, Pining John, Hug, Greg Finds Out) – The murder of the King's College fencing champion leads to revelations about Sherlock's past. Will it be the point that tips them from friends to lovers, or will they remain on the fence?

A Silver Sixpence by _doodle (NC-17, 16,400 w., 2 Ch. || LJ Fic || For a Case / Case Fic, Fake Relationship, Humour, Romance, Marriage Proposal, Awkward Idiots, Cuddling, Touching, Kissing, Love Confessions, Bed Sharing, Friends to Lovers, Fake Until It’s Not, Schmoop and Fluff, Bottomlock) – “John, we need to get married. It’s for a case, not any romantic notions on my part pertaining to our partnership,” Sherlock said, with brutal honesty, and without even looking up.

Between Friends by SilentAuror (E, 18,036 w., 1 Ch. || Post S3, Alternating POV, Friends to Lovers, John in Denial, Abduction, Awkward Situations / Miscommunications, Porn With Feels, Blowjobs, Pining, Unrequited, Angst With Happy Ending) – Sherlock gets abducted. As John discovers him tied up naked in an empty storage facility and comes to rescue him, Sherlock's body has an unfortunate reaction which triggers a series of events. John is convinced that everything will be fine as long as they never discuss it. Sherlock isn't as sure...

Division by MrsNoggin (E, 19,542 w., 11 Ch. || Coffee Shop AU || First Kiss/Time, Fluff, Barista Sherlock, Clingy Sherlock, POV John, John’s Limp, Bed Sharing, Fluff, Sleepy Cuddles, Sensuality, Touching, Virgin Sherlock, Insecure John) – John likes mysteries. And every morning he dips into the local independent coffee bar with his newspaper and ponders another... one Sherlock Holmes.

A Life Well-Lived by Kate_Lear (E, 20,121 w., 1 Ch. || Original Male Character, Sherlock Woos John, Jealous Sherlock, Reluctant Bi-John, Past Abuse, Insecure John, Reassuring / Caring Sherlock, Protective Sherlock, Understanding Sherlock) – John got scared off men by an abusive past relationship. Sherlock has to try and woo him while not scaring him off with protective possessive rage.

Maintaining A Personal Life by Gingerhermit (E, 24,284 w., 6 Ch. || Alternating POV’s, Bisexuality, BAMF!John, Jealous Sherlock, Romance / Drama, Sort-of Case Fic, Peril & Angst, Love Confessions, Toplock, Soft Idiots in Love, Post S3) – Sherlock and John discover some interesting revelations about each other’s sexuality, which lead them both to question the assumptions they've made about one another for years. In the midst of their mutual discoveries, a dangerous psychopath looms on the side-lines who threatens to destroy their new beginning.

Nothing to Make a Song About by emmagrant01 (E, 36,833 w., 10 Ch. || Post-TRF, First Time, Reunion, Jealous John, Pining Sherlock, Romance, Angst with Happy Ending, Sherlock Has a Boyfriend) – When Sherlock returned from his faked death, John could not forgive him for the deception and broke off their friendship. Ten years later, John returns to London in search of yet another new beginning. Sherlock, not surprisingly, is waiting.

Turn Left at the Park by Glenmore (NR (E), 37,409 w., 28 Ch. || Alternate First Meeting / ASiP Divergence, Case Fic, Depression, Suicidal Ideation, Loneliness, No Mary, Possessive Sherlock, Fluff & Angst, Nightmares/PTSD, Sherlock Saves John, Sherlock Whump-ish, Doctor John) – So what would have happened if John hadn't walked through the park and met Stamford? What if, instead, he walked around the park and just went home?

Only To Be With You by SinceWhenDoYouCallMe_John (M, 40,768 w., 4 Ch. || Black Mirror / Future AU || Character Death, Future Technology, Sickness/Cancer/Illness, Heavy Angst with Happy Ending, First Person POV John, Pining John, Heart-Wrenching Angst) – I tell myself that next time I’ll come near this same place again. Wait around for the mysterious stranger in his coat to dash past me, hot on the heels of a new criminal in black. I think this all the way back to my Exit, planning where I’ll wait and what I’ll say when I see him. Scheming on how to get his name. It’s only once I reach the Exit Point door that I realize two hours and forty-five minutes have passed, and I realize that this won’t be the last time I Visit. It won’t be the last time at all.

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse by SilentAuror (E, 50,635 w., 1 Ch. || Post-S4/S4 Divergence, Case Fic, For a Case / Reverse Fake-Relationship, Conferences, Marriage Equality, Travelling / New York, Pride, Homophobia, Bottomlock, Marriage Proposal, John POV, Sexuality, Love Confessions, Emotional Love Making, Public Hand Jobs, Blow Jobs, Passionate Kissing, Needy/Clingy Sherlock, Virgin Sherlock, Touching / Hand Holding, Bed Sharing, Little Spoon Sherlock, Intense Orgasms) – John and Sherlock go to New York to attend a conference run by the National Defence of Traditional Marriage Coalition in order to investigate the potential bombing of the annual Manhattan Pride parade. As the conference unfolds, John finds himself repulsed by the toxic ideology being presented, which becomes relevent to his own unacknowledged issues and his friendship with Sherlock...

Never Change a Running System by Lorelei_Lee (E, 54,246 w., 18 Ch. || Pre-TRF, Romance, Humour, Drama, Sex Toys, Anal, Rimming, Masturbation, Frottage, Blow Jobs, Public Sex, First Kiss / Time, Virgin Sherlock / Loss of Virginity, Accidental Voyeurism, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Experiments, Naive Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Jealous Sherlock, Possessive Sherlock, Straight With an Exception John, Hand Jobs) – Sherlock discovers his sexuality – with far-reaching consequences for John.

The Thing Is by TSylvestris (E, 56,743 w., 21 Ch. || Case Fic, Dev. Rel., Anal/Oral, Blow Jobs, Meddling Mycroft, Drama, Romance, Humour, Casual Encounters, Pining Idiots, Possessive Sherlock, Orgasm Delay, Rough / Alley Sex, Public Sex, John Whump, Drugged John, Emotional Love Making, Awkward Relationship, Marriage of Convenience, Switchlock) – The problem with living with Sherlock, John thought, was that you never, never, ever knew the significance of anything. Like your flatmate's nose buried in your hair. Whilst you're in bed. Part 1 of Nitroglycerine

One Little Change by jadztone (E, 58,312 w., 12 Ch. || ASiB Divergence, Fake Relationship, Bed Sharing, Mutual Pining, Friends to Lovers, First Kiss / Time, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Bi John / Gay Demisexual Sherlock, Switchlock, Alternating POV, Jealousy, Misunderstandings, Case Fic, Angst with Happy Ending, Emotional Love Making, Butt Plugs, Cuddles) – Our story begins right after John and Sherlock's first meeting with Irene Adler in September. It splits off into an AU that imagines them taking a case where they act as bait to hook a killer targeting closeted gays in secret relationships. In the weeks leading up to Christmas, many things happen that have our boys wondering if maybe they have a chance with each other. Then Irene fakes her death on Christmas Eve, and things get a lot more complicated - especially since they still have a killer to catch.

Isosceles by SilentAuror (E, 56,609 w., 7 Ch. || Post-S4, POV John, Original Male Character / Sherlock Dates Another Man, Love Triangle, Jealous John, Virgin Sherlock, Sexual Coaching, Angst, Romance, Domesticity, Unrequited Feelings, Miscommunication, First Kiss/Time, For a Case, Friends With Benefits, Bottomlock, Love Confessions, Spooning) – After solving a case for a major celebrity, Sherlock gets himself asked out. When John asks, he discovers that Sherlock has no intention of going, at least not until John agrees to coach him through whatever he might need to know for his date...

floating through a dark blue sky by Lediona (M, 58,966 w., 15 Ch. || Notting Hill AU || POV John, Celebrity Sherlock, First Date / Time / Kiss, Past Drug Addiction, Angst with a Happy Ending) – Of course, I’d seen his films and always thought he was, well, brilliant -- but, you know, a million miles from the world I live in. Or, when John is the owner of a travel book shop and the famous Sherlock Holmes stops in one day.

The Book of Silence by SilentAuror (E, 60,056 w., 2 Ch. || S4 Fix It / Post S4, Virgin Sherlock, Rosie / Parentlock, Domesticity, Fluff, Praise Kink, Sex Toys, First Person POV) – As spring blooms in London, John and Sherlock begin to take new cases and cautiously negotiate this new phase of life with John living at Baker Street again. Despite how well it's all going, John struggles to forgive himself for the way he treated Sherlock following Mary’s death as well as trying to figure out how to finally put his long-time feelings for Sherlock into words. Part 1 of The Book of Silence/Rosa Felicia

Scars by SilentAuror (E, 60,494 w., 5 Ch. || Rape / Non-Con / Abuse, Gaslighting, Manipulation, Dub Con Elements, Homophobia, Angst With Happy Ending, Mary is Not Nice) – S3 rewrite, showing Mary’s manipulation of John as he realizes his love for Sherlock. Mary is not having it.

The Bells of King's College by SilentAuror (E, 64,019 w., 5 Ch. || Post-S4, Missed Opportunities, Angst with Happy Ending, Fake Relationship, Case Fic, John POV, Jealous John, John in Denial, Travelling / Holidays, Virgin Sherlock, Wedding Proposals) – It's only been two weeks since Eurus Holmes disrupted their lives when Mycroft sends John and Sherlock to Cambridge to pose as an engaged couple at a wedding show in the hopes of solving six unsolved deaths...

White Knight by DiscordantWords (M, 69,840 w., 13 Ch. || S4 Compliant/Post S4, Marriage For a Case, Jealous John, Pining John, Janine / Sherlock Fake Relationship, Serial Killers, Case Fic, Undercover as a Couple, Weddings, John is a Mess, Misunderstandings, Wedding Planning, Jealousy, Drunkenness, Love Confessions, Angst with Happy Ending) – Green. The word green was used to convey a great many things. Illness. Envy. Inexperience. Standing there amidst Janine's chattering bridesmaids, watching Sherlock furrow his brow and study fabric swatches, watching him smile and simper and flirt, John thought it a remarkably apt colour choice. Because he felt quite sick to his stomach, he feared the source of said sickness might very well be jealousy, and he had absolutely no idea at all what to do about it. Or: Sherlock needs to fake a relationship for a case. He doesn't ask John.

Just To Hold You Close by sussexbound (E, 70,841 w., 18 Ch. || Alternate First Meeting, Sherlock POV, ASD Sherlock, PTSD John, Demisexual Sherlock, Bisexual John, Cuddling/Snuggling, Platonic Cuddling, Enthusiastic Consent, Bed Sharing, Love Confessions, First Kiss/Time, Sexual Tension, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Cuddle Negotiations, For a Case Until It Isn’t, Hair Petting, Sexual Negotiation, Anxiety, Trust Issues, Slow Burn, Panic Attacks, Frottage, Hand/Blow Jobs, Referenced Self Harm / Abuse / Suicidal Ideation, First Kiss/Time, Anal) – When a woman is murdered and the last person to see her alive is recently invalided army vet turned reluctant (and prickly) professional cuddler, John Watson, Sherlock Holmes is pulled into a world of intimacy and intrigue he never could have imagined. John is a conundrum and mystery: frank yet reserved, tender yet angry, open yet afraid. Sherlock is instantly drawn into his orbit, and begins to feel and desire things he never has before.

Secrets and Revelations by Hisstah (E, 83,535 w., 9 Ch. || Sentinel / Guides Omegaverse AU || Adventure, Violence, Anal / Oral, Omega!John / Alpha!Sherlock, Case Fic, Politics, Mild DubCon) – Dr John Watson has some major secrets that he's kept from his flatmate, Alpha Sentinel Sherlock Holmes. Now the Sentinel Tower is after him. Can John stay out of their hands until he can reveal his secrets to Sherlock? Part 1 of Secrets and Revelations

Kintsukuroi by sussexbound (E, 91,823 w., 20 Ch. || S4 Compliant / Post-TLD, Grief / Mourning, PTSD, Internalized Homophobia, Therapy, Past Abuse, Alcohol Abuse, Nightmares, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Depression, Anxiety, Bed Sharing, Love Confessions, Cuddling, Suicidal Ideation, Masturbation, Minor Character Death, Sexting, Frottage, Inexperienced Sherlock, Rimming / Anal / BJ’s, Emotional Turmoil, Finding Each Other, John’s Self Esteem Issues) – “I love you.” Sherlock sees the words hit John with almost physical force. He reels back a little, jaw twitching and eyes filling. “I love you,” he repeats, a little softer, a little more gentle, as earnest as he possibly can. Because they’ve been teetering on the brink of this thing for years, and it had become painfully obvious over the last few months that they were at a tipping point. This had to happen. Now it has. Now they can see where they end up. The tears in John’s eyes spill over, and he wipes at them angrily. “Do you even know what that means?”

The Cost of a Wish by slashscribe (E, 102,493 w., 12 Ch. || xxxHolic Fusion || Spirits / Ghosts and Magic, Love Confessions, Slow Burn, Soul Mates / Fated Lovers, Adventure, Immortal Sherlock, Powerful John, POV John, Frottage, Wish Granting, Angst with Happy Ending, Nightmares) – John has been plagued by a secret his entire life that has made him feel hopeless until he meets a mysterious, seemingly omniscient man named Sherlock Holmes who owns a wish-granting shop. Their meeting sets off a series of inevitable events that will change the course of both of their lives forever.

Maintenance and Repair by patternofdefiance (E, 106,650 w., 71 Ch. || Future AU, Augmentation || Augmented John, Depression, Body Modification, Slow Burn, Worldbuilding, Sci-Fi, Self-Care, Body Dysmorphia) – John wants to explain the rush of sensation and data, which is just another form of sensation (or is it the other way around?). John wants to say: Augmentation circuits report temperature, pressure, various forms of quantitative input. Sudden changes are reported as pain, since sudden changes are dangerous, and pain is the quickest way to encourage reflexive extraction. But all John can manage is, “Nng.” Because this sudden touch is not reporting as pain. Part 2 of STATIC

A Study in Winning by Jupiter_Ash (E, 106,658 w., 11 Ch. || Tennis AU || John POV, Dirty Talk, Mutual Pining, Misunderstandings, Happy Ending, Sherlock Speaks French, Switchlock, Wimbledon) – John and Sherlock are professional tennis players and it’s Wimbledon. One is a broken almost was at the end of his career, the other an arrogant rising star tipped for greatness. It should have been a straightforward tournament. It really should have been. How were they to know that a chance encounter would change everything? Part 1 of Tennis

Shatter the Darkness (Let the Light In) by MojoFlower (E, 109,683 w., 23 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Genie/Djinn AU || Magical Realism, Kidnapping, Genie Sherlock, First Kiss / Time, Case Fic, H/C, Angst, Clubs, John Whump, Mild DubCon, Hand / Blow Jobs, Torture) – Fairy tales are for those who remember how to dream; not John Watson, broken and hiding from his bleak future in a beige bedsit. But then he discovers a lamp and finds himself in the dangerous riptide of an enigmatic man whose very existence is unbelievable, murder charges against his sister, and the growing pains of feeling alive once more.

The Burning Heart by May_Shepard (M, 119,150 w., 21 Ch. || Canon Divergence, Post-TRF, John’s Sexuality, S3 Rewrite, Pining, Angst with a Happy Ending, POV John Watson, John’s Gay) – When Sherlock dies, John Watson feels like his life is over too. He’s completely shut down, until Mark Morstan, a new nurse at John’s medical clinic, catches his attention, and helps him uncover the long buried truth of his attraction to men. Although he’s certain he’ll never get over Sherlock, John plans to move on, and build a new life with Mark, unaware that Sherlock is not quite as dead as he appears, and that Mark is hiding secrets of his own.

The Adventure of the Silver Scars by tangledblue (NR [M], 142,458 w., 41 Ch. || S3 Fix-It, Post-HLV/ Post-TAB / Canon Compliant, Case Fic, No Baby, Angst, Humour, UST, Slow Burn, Angry John, Reconciliation, Not Nice Mary / Leaving Mary, Dependent Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Caretaker John, Fist Fights, It’s An Experiment, Virgin Sherlock, Dancing, Drugging, John Whump, Pet Names, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Scars) – It’s been thirteen months since Mary shot Sherlock and John finds he’s still pissed off about it. Sherlock had thought everything was settled: John and Mary, domestic bliss. But when John turns up at Baker Street with suitcases, the world’s only consulting detective might not be prepared for the consequences. A new case. Some old scores to settle. Certain danger. Concertos, waltzes, and whisky.

Proving A Point by elldotsee & J_Baillier (E, 186,270 w., 28 Ch. || Me Before You Fusion || Medical Realism, Insecure John, Depression, Romance, Angst, POV John, Sherlock Whump, Serious Illness, Doctor John, Injury Recovery, Assisted Suicide, Sherlock’s Violin, Awkward Sexual Situations, Alcoholism, Drugs, Idiots in Love, Slow Burn, Body Image, Friends to Lovers, Hurt / Comfort, Pain, Big Brother Mycroft, Intimacy, Anxiety, PTSD, Family Issues, Psychological Trauma, John Whump, Case Fics, Loneliness, Pain) – Invalided home from Afghanistan, running out of funds and convinced that his surgical career is over, John Watson accepts a mysterious job offer to provide care and companionship for a disabled person. Little does he know how much hangs in the balance of his performance as he settles into his new life at Musgrave Court.

#steph replies #johnlock fic recs #insecure john #my fic recs #Anonymous #long post

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turtle-paced · 3 years

Text

Revisiting Chapters: Jon IX, ADWD

It’s been a while!

The story so far…

Stannis might have left Castle Black to campaign for Winterfell, but the problems he’s brought to the Wall are sticking around. Plus there’s that pesky ongoing humanitarian crisis with the Free Folk for Jon to deal with too.

Royal Newcomers

The chapter begins with Selyse Baratheon’s arrival at Castle Black, her particular faction in tow. Jon’s not taking chances here, as he brings along his own retinue for the introductions just to make sure Selyse doesn’t mistake him for a stableboy. Sure enough, the first thing she does is mistake him for a functionary. Jon’s prepared for this, having read some reports from Cotter Pyke at Eastwatch. It seems that the folks at Eastwatch did not much like Selyse or her retinue. Axell Florent was highlighted as being standout unpleasant. Shireen, poor thing, blushes when Jon offers her some basic courtesy. Patchface is not officially introduced, but Jon’s got Cotter Pyke’s notes on him anyway.

Finally, there’s the other “curious member” of Selyse’s entourage: a man dressed like the Mad Hatter, Tycho Nestoris, representative of the Iron Bank. Jon’s prepared for that too, considering the banker “more welcome than this queen.” We’ll talk about him in a bit.

Before Jon can deal with the guest he wants, though, he has to deal with the guests he doesn’t. He leads Selyse and company to their assigned quarters, and their exchange as Jon escorts her to the prepared quarters reads like barely-veiled impoliteness judo.

“How kind of you to make room for us.” The queen’s words were courteous enough, though her tone said, It is no more than your duty, and you had best hope these quarters please me.

For his part, Jon wastes no time hinting that Selyse should maybe, you know…not be here.

“Your Grace,” said Jon Snow, “my builders have done all they can to make the Nightfort ready to receive you…yet much of it remains in ruins. […] You might be more comfortable back at Eastwatch-by-the-Sea.”

He hits the point again, too, in about two sentences. Message received - neither party wants Selyse and company to be here and neither party likes it.

It’s also worth noting that despite Jon’s observation that Selyse’s party must be cold and hungry, Selyse wants to go see Melisandre first. First, keeping in mind all the things in this very storyline about who’s waiting upon whom…who’s waiting upon whom, here? Who is queen here? Second, this does indeed show us Selyse’s priorities. Religion first. Third, since Selyse’s party must follow her, it’s a bit of an asshole move for her to go seek out her spiritual advisor while the rest of her cold and hungry party is delayed in receiving the warmth and food of the Night’s Watch common room.

The basic upshot of this is that Selyse refuses to return to Eastwatch, but the Nightfort is uninhabitable, which means that she’s stuck at Castle Black for the forseeable future. As they head towards Selyse’s new quarters, however, there is an interruption.

An enormous shadow emerged from behind the shell of the Lord Commander’s Tower. Princess Shireen gave a shriek, and three of the queen’s knights gasped in harmony. Another swore. “Seven save us,” he said, quite forgetting his new red god in his shock.

“Don’t be afraid,” Jon told them. “There’s no harm in him, Your Grace. This is Wun Wun.”

Jon introduces Wun Wun politely, explaining the language barrier and the context in which Wun Wun has found himself at Castle Black. His compassion is clear as he remembers that Ygritte cried for the deaths of the giants. He makes it clear that Wun Wun is his guest. In response, what he gets from the queen’s party is…less tolerant. Selyse describes Wun Wun as “bestial”, Axell Florent is disgusted that Jon would afford Wun Wun guest right, and when Wun Wun laughs at Patchface, another knight draws his sword.

That last knight is Ser Patrek of King’s Mountain. Jon sternly tells the man that in the north, guest right is sacred - and Wun Wun is Jon’s guest. For the reminder, Ser Patrek takes over escorting Selyse to quarters. Jon allows it.

This doesn’t mean he’s done with Selyse’s entourage for the day. After the interlude with Tycho Nestoris I’ll discuss in just a bit, he encounters Axell Florent. Jon’s inclined to dislike him just on what he’s heard.

If he is not a kinslayer, he is the next best thing. Axell Florent’s brother had been burned by Melisandre, Maester Aemon had informed him, yet Ser Axell had done little and less to stop it. What sort of man can stand idly by and watch his own brother being burned alive?

Asks Jon, who later finds himself utterly unable to stand by while he believes his sister is in Ramsay Snow’s clutches.

Axell’s got an agenda. He wants to know where ‘the wildling princess’ is. Jon dodges the question by informing Axell, accurately, that the Free Folk do not see Val as any sort of princess. Another cultural misunderstanding that Selyse’s entourage have no intention of remedying. Axell is persistent, though, and presses Jon to ‘bring her out’. Jon leans heavily on etiquette to dodge that one - I mean, he’s right, Val’s not a horse to be paraded for inspection, but this gets nasty.

“Must I speak to the queen? A word from Her Grace and I can have this wildling girl delivered naked to the hall for our inspection.”

[…]

“The queen would never presume upon our hospitality,” Jon said, hoping that was true. Now I fear I must take my leave, before I forget the duties of a host.”

Tell me how you want to punch a guy in the mouth without telling me you want to punch a guy in the mouth, Jon. Anyway, Axell’s complete lack of class left it open for Jon to decline with a mild to moderate amount of grace, if without any plausible deniability.

Surely, these guests will be nothing but pleasant, and relations continue smoothly between them.

Debt or Death

But Jon does not let Selyse’s party go without a word to another of Selyse’s guests. As Jon’s internal narration mentioned earlier:

Jon Snow had thought of little since.

First up on the agenda are the ships that Tycho Nestoris came with. Three, because the Iron Bank likes redundancy. Plus the storms are getting worse out there. With that said, Jon promptly asks Tycho if he would like to see the top of the Wall. Which Jon also admits is freezing cold and that men have been blown off the top. Tycho declines.

So instead the meeting between Jon and the representative of the Iron Bank takes place in Jon’s solar. There’s some background to be done first. For instance, why is a representative of the Iron Bank even here?

“A debt.” What else could it be?

We are talking about a banker, after all. So whose debt? Jon asks about Stannis’ debt. Tycho Nestoris refuses to either confirm or deny. That leaves the national debt. And that, Tycho is willing to talk to him about. Jon here receives confirmation from what we’ve learned from Cersei chapters - the Lannisters are no longer paying the debt they owe to the Iron Bank. So the Iron Bank has sent a representative to a war zone in the frozen ass end of nowhere to track down Stannis and see what he wants to do about said debts.

From the interplay here, it looks like Jon picked up that the Iron Bank was looking to see if Stannis would be, ah, less obdurate. The new info for Jon appears to be that the Lannisters defaulted entirely.

Jon points Tycho in the direction of Stannis. It’s a big cold war zone out there; in order to get to Stannis, Tycho most definitely needs Jon’s directions. Before that, however, Jon has his own agenda.

“There is always a price, is there not?” The Braavosi smiled. “What does the Watch require?”

“Your ships, for a start.”

The first request is the odd one. The second is a loan, which is a more usual thing to negotiate with a banker. The loan is quickly explained on the page. Jon just doesn’t have the resources to feed his people until spring. So gold is the answer, enough to pay for food and the transport of food. Jon’s thinking years ahead with this. What’s missing from the discussion is any talk of amounts, any talk at all. Part of this is GRRM’s maths-aversion. Good call - we don’t need the exact details of principal, interest rates and repayment plans to get the gist, here. But also this is because the numbers are irrelevant to Jon himself, in many ways. Jon just doesn’t have the resources to feed his people until spring. He needs to get them. It’s that simple.

Jon’s compassion also explains the first request, which was the use of Tycho’s ships to mount a rescue mission to Hardhome. Jon’s not stopping at protecting the Wall and the people already there; he’s actively planning to search out more people to rescue. He knows he’s on a hard time limit.

Eleven ships was not wise enough, but if he waited any longer, the free folk at Hardhome would be dead by the time the rescue fleet arrived. Sail now or not at all.

The knowledge of this time limit is an important thing in Jon’s storyline. He does not believe he has the luxury of extended consideration. He’s aware that he’s running out of time until winter sets in. He’s constantly making decisions under that time pressure. He’s also aware he’s making decisions for the short term, as he narrates for us when he reviews the agreeement.

A long hard winter will leave the Watch so deep in debt that we will never climb out, Jon reminded himself, but when the choice is debt or death, best borrow.

He did not have to like it, though, and come spring, when the time came to repay all that gold, he would like it even less.

The entire process leaves Jon “uneasy”, because he thinks it happened far too easily. His take on the broader implications of the Iron Bank seeking out Stannis continues to be that this is bad news for the Lannisters.

A Grey Girl

No sooner has Jon fallen asleep at his desk than he’s being woken up again to deal with more problems. Specifically, a highborn girl on a lame and lathered horse, as predicted. So, not Val. Jon’s mind then goes immediately to Arya, with a rush of rather painful thoughts in the light of what Jon’s lost in the past few books and in-universe years.

Jon felt fifteen years old again. Little sister.

Jon’s seventeen at this point, I believe.

He wanted to believe it would be Arya. He wanted to see her face again, to smile at her and muss her hair, to tell her she was safe. She won’t be safe, though. Winterfell is burned and broken and there are no more safe places.

He cannot even fully commit to this moment of wishful thinking. He only wants to believe. The reality of his situation and what would have to happen with Arya immediately intrude. Jon truly struggles to allow himself to be happy. At the same time, this is also a selfless sibling love here:

He could not keep her with him, however much he might want to.

[…]

Wherever he might send her, though, Arya would need silver to support her, a roof above her head, someone to protect her. She was only a child.

Whatever illusions he might have about what Arya’s been through and how it’s affected her - and who could blame him not wanting to think about what might have happened to her between being reported missing in AGoT and reportedly ending up with Ramsey Snow - Jon is thinking of Arya’s wellbeing first, above his own emotional (and political) wants and needs. It’s pure GRRM irony that Jon thinks of sending Arya to Braavos. Where the reader knows she already is.

Sure enough, the girl now at the Wall is not Arya. And because Jon didn’t really get his hopes up all that far, he’s not all that disappointed when he realises it’s not Arya. The girl wakes up, slightly confused, but that’s quickly resolved.

“I am told you have been asking after me. I am -“

“- Jon Snow.” The girl tossed her braid back. “My house and yours are bound in blood and honour. Hear me, kinsman My uncle Cregan is hard upon my trail. You must not let him take me back to Karhold.”

This is Alys Karstark, and I think she’s one of the most impressive minor characters in ADWD. In this scene alone, she’s naked, exhausted, starving, fleeing a marriage to her abusive uncle, and she’s ridden hard in the North’s late autumn to seek help on the very thinnest of possibilities. (I really don’t think the “Stark and Karstark are kin” thing holds up any more.) There’s still a bit of casual prejudice against bastards thrown in there, though, when Jon and Alys recall their last meeting about a decade ago, when Alys was brought to Winterfell in the hopes that Rickard Karstark could arrange a marriage between her and Robb:

“[Robb] was very courteous and said that I danced beautifully. You were sullen. My father said that was to be expected in a bastard.”

“I remember.” […]

“You’re still a little sullen,” the girl said, “but I will forgive you that if you will save me from my uncle.”

She’s pretty free with repeating negative stereotypes for someone who really, really needs Jon’s help. Doesn’t even seem to see how a reminder of those stereotypes (and the reasons for them) might be a sore spot with Jon. Bold move, Alys.

She gives Jon the rundown of internal Karstark politics. She knew her uncles were pieces of shit and begged her father to leave one of her brothers behind to run Karhold. Her brothers weren’t interested in missing out on a war and her father didn’t listen. So of her three brothers, two are dead and the third was taken prisoner, all the info she’s got on him a year out of date. Her father is also dead, killed by Robb for reasons she doesn’t initially understand but accepts when they’re explained to her. She’s got nowhere to go but the last son of Ned Stark, she says (another example of Ned’s legacy).

Jon asks the obvious question.

“Why not the king? Karhold declared for Stannis.”

Before Alys gives the reveal, notice that Jon’s not referring to Stannis as “King Stannis”. He’s referring to him as “the king”. The king. Sole and singular. Subtle, but it’s well ingrained into the storyline that Jon has well and truly picked a side in the War of Five Kings. It’s a very human thing - he cannot put aside his biases that easily - but it’s still got its impact on the politics around him.

And speaking of those, Alys reveals that her uncle, one of the few to declare for Stannis, is leading him into a trap. The fate of Stannis’ campaign to take the North and win the Iron Throne is in the balance here. Its importance to this campaign is obvious on its face.

But because this isn’t a story about who wins the throne in the end, it takes a backseat to Jon’s ethical dilemma.

Rewinding just a bit, Jon explicitly notes that “marriages and inheritances are matters for the king.” In other words, in assisting Alys, Jon’s doing the king’s job. Not the job of the Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch. It does not have to be pointed out to him. He knows this already. Helping Alys, no matter how much she needs it, is breaking his vows.

The reveal also goes to show that if Alys is to receive assistance, it must be Jon who provides it. Stannis is going to be betrayed and led into a trap, which means he can’t help. Jon is literally the only person in all the North in a position to help Alys Karstark. So what does he do?

That’s where we leave him for the chapter.

Chapter Function

Well, Jon’s still prepping for the zombie apocalypse. This time he’s just taking out loans for it.

While Stannis is off page, this chapter also works hard to show his campaign’s prospects. Jon’s financial conversations show how Stannis can remain funded. His conversation with Alys gives the reveal that there are traitors in his camp and a trap being set up at Winterfell. Stuff to get back to when Asha’s PoV becomes the vantage point on Stannis.

In introducing Selyse & Co, we’re seeing the introduction of another important faction at the Wall. Stannis might be uncomfortable and demanding, but Selyse is uncomfortable, demanding, and intolerant. These individuals are no less a burden on Jon’s resources, but also far less gracious about working with him - and less gracious than Stannis is a serious problem. In Axell’s case, he’s an all-round jerk, objectifying Val in her absence and behaving so boorishly Jon has to just end any further conversation there. Most notably for ADWD’s arc, we also have the set-up of hostilities between Selyse’s faction and the stranger of the Free Folk. Wun Wun in particular. This tension will, by the end of Jon’s arc, result in bloody violence. With Ser Patrek, who drew steel on Wun Wun, no less.

I’ve read some criticism of Jon’s ADWD arc that in a series full of moral grey, it’s super, super clear he’s The Good Guy when it comes to the humanitarian issues of handling the migration of the Free Folk. And yes. He is. Jon is indisputably on the right side of this particular conflict, and also treating the Free Folk with the sort of tolerance and respect that appeals to the modern reader, especially in contrast to Axell fucking Florent. But as with Ned in AGoT and most especially Dany elsewhere in ADWD, so with Jon - he can be right all he wants, but it doesn’t necessarily translate into a just outcome. While we’re cheering for Jon showing human decency and compassion, politics continues in the background. It’s the same structure. Get the reader on side with Jon’s character and overall objectives, set up for the punch.

In terms of Jon’s book-long arc, the exchange of note is this one:

Tycho bowed his head. “We who serve the Iron Bank face death full as often as you who serve the Iron Throne.”

Is that whom I serve? Jon Snow was no longer certain.

Miscellany

For all Selyse still desperately wants sons, for the moment she’s got no problems calling Shireen Stannis’ true heir, who “will one day sit the Iron Throne and rule the Seven Kingdoms,” explicitly seeing Shireen rule in her own right.

From farther east, the Braavosi hear queer talk of dragons. Jon wants one at the Wall. The Braavosi aren’t laughing. Neither part of this exchange is at all important.

Also from Tycho Nestoris’ news of places that aren’t the Wall, he reports that “strange ships” have been seen amongst the Stepstones. This is JonCon!

Would you believe it? Selyse has queen’s ladies and a bunch of maids.

It amuses me greatly how Jon thinks “no doubt the Lannisters had good reason not to honour King Robert’s debts.” I mean, there are good reasons for the Lannisters to be worried about their capacity to pay off state debts…but those weren’t the ones Cersei was using.

Clothing Porn

Clothing porn arrives at the Wall! Selyse wears a red gold crown with points in the shape of flames. Patchface has an antlered hat hung with cowbells and squirrel-fur flaps, plus a motley cloak in beaver pelt, sheepskin, and rabbit fur. Nesto Tychoris has a three-tiered purple felt hat. Tychoris accentuates this with a high-collared, ermine-trimmed robe in a purple described as ‘somber’. Ser Patrek’s wearing a white fur cloak over a cloth-of-silver surcoat with a five-pointed star. In a hairstyle note, Alys Karstark’s braid is bound with strips of leather.

You may safely assume everyone else is in black.

Food Porn

Mulled wine for negotiations. A brace of capons for the queen’s men. Sausages made mostly of “grease and salt and things that did not bear thinking about,” but which look a bit more palatable in the context of Frey Pie.

Next Three Chapters

The Princess in the Tower, AFFC - Dany X, AGoT - Eddard XII, AGoT

#ASoIaF #valyrianscrolls #revisiting chapters #jon snow #a dance with dragons

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nevertheless-moving · 3 years

Text

Suicidal Misunderstanding XX

Part I - - - - - - - - - - Part XVII - - - - Part XVIII - - - - Part XIX

Star Wars Time Travel AU #27

“I want you to understand that what we’re going to ask of you is entirely beyond the scope of duty and therefore completely voluntary. You are more than free to refuse participation, at any point, with absolutely no consequences.”

Deep within the Healing Halls best-kept medical secret, Eights quelled beneath the full might of the GAR’s highest and most lauded Generals. Yeah I’m sure whatever they ask I’m going to want to say no. Honestly, what kind of soldiers have they been working with?

“What can I do to help, sir? Sirs?”

“I know this might be shocking, but we have reason to believe the GAR is...compromised.”

“Sir?”

Eights thought furiously. This wasn’t about the healers who were hiding them, or the Jedi his battalion never received, or the decommissioning he had escaped. This was bigger.

The General Windu spoke calmly, “We suspect that you may have been trained or conditioned at some point without your knowledge to unquestioningly follow orders, orders that would usually be beyond what you would typically obey. With your permission, we’d like to try and activate that order in a restrained environment in order to gain more information, with the hope of finding a way to help the troops resist.”

“I’m sorry, sir. I don’t understand. You’re just going to give me an order and ask me...not to obey it?”

General Koon nodded (General Koon! General Koon and General Windu were talking to him at the same time!). “In a manner of speaking, yes. But it’s possible that the order will do more than that. The only way we believe this could possibly work” Koon glanced to the man at his side. “And we...do believe this threat is real, is if you suffer from some form of brainwashing. Activating it might cause irreparable brain damage. Activating it might damage or kill the parts of you that make you you. Even if it doesn’t- the ideal scenario is we find something- an intentionally designed tumor perhaps- and surgically remove it. And brain surgery also has its own risks.”

Eights swallowed around a lump in his throat.

“And this is something that could be going on with...my entire batch?”

General Kenobi winced. “The entire GAR I’m afraid. Every clone.”

The General of the 212th! Commander Cody’s General was here! Talking to him! Telling him existentially terrifying ultra classified intel!

The trooper stared up from bed in disbelief. If anyone besides three of most respected generals in the entire GAR (not including Buir Ti) was telling him this he would accuse them of bantha crap fear-mongering, if not outright treason. Instead he was just...outraged.

“What would the order make me...us...do?”

Windu took a deep breath. “Attack us. Try and kill the Jedi.”

“I would never.” Eights straightened up even further. “We would never betray the Jedi- it’s- never. We were made for the Jedi and even if we weren’t- you’re the only ones who treat us with an ounce of respect.”

“No one is questioning your loyalty,” the kind Mon Cal healer (whose name he had never asked for fear of getting her in trouble if this ward was ever discovered) said, obviously trying to sooth him. She spoke with heart-breaking earnestness. “The fact that you would never choose to obey such a command just makes the possibility of something forcing you to do so that much more horrifying.”

“How would something like that even get in our heads? The longnecks designed us to serve the Jedi, why... I’m sorry Generals. I didn’t mean to get out of line.”

“No need to apologize. You have every right to be angry about this intrusion, as well as any number of things,” General Kenobi reassured him, smiling sadly. “We don’t know to what extent the Kaminoans are involved with this plot. Not precisely.”

Eights nodded, clenching his one remaining fist. “I’ll do it. Whatever you need from me. I can’t let my brothers have something this big looming over them without any intel.” I’m not exactly front-lines material anymore anyway.

“Are you sure?” Mace Windu’s eyes seemed to stare into his soul. Eights stared right back.

“I am. When do we start?”

It didn’t take long to shave the soldier and connect a number of glowing vital readers to his skull. He was ushered into a chambered observation room with what appeared to be a sfaraday cage hastily built around it.

“Alright, whenever you’re ready.” Bant (Master Eerin apparently, but she told him to call her Bant) said.

“I’m ready, sir.”

“Let’s start off small, see if we can learn anything without fully activating the order.”

General Kenobi took in a deep breath. He looked calm, but Jedi always did. The General took in another breath. Kriff, two deep breaths. That’s Jedi for freaking out, isn’t it? Right?

Fuck.

“Does Order 66 mean anything to you?” General Kenobi braced himself, staring intently at the trooper in his seat.

Eights wracked his brain furiously. Sixty-Six...that was...

“It’s...a little familiar? Sorry sir, I feel like I’ve heard it somewhere but...I can’t recall.”

“That’s perfectly alright trooper, not to worry.”

A Twilek healer he didn’t recognize spoke into a micomphone from the other side of a transparisteel window. “His frontal lobe might be lighting up a little, but it’s nothing abnormal, and not enough to triangulate for anything intrusive.”

After several variations on the same question as well as a number of scans of different ‘levels,’ the questioning escalated to orders, as well an extremely uncomfortable mock fight that he would probably tell his grandchildren about, provided he survived today, and also was allowed to have grandchildren.

Still, Eights couldn’t quite recall ever learning an Order 66 and was starting to relax, thinking the whole thing was some sort of horrible separatist lie.

They left him alone for an uncertain amount of time before returning with-

“Quickdraw?!” Eights jumped up at the sight of his commanding officer arriving via hoverchair, nervously saluting with his left hand.”I didn’t know you were here!”

“Just got out of bacta. My spine’s not quite what it used to be after the blast,” the lieutenant responded wryly. “At ease, Eights.”

“Our apologies again for waking you prematurely,” General Koon said softly.

Quickdraw waved the General off. “I’m honored you did. For something as serious this- well I’d hardly forgive myself if I just slept through it.”

Quickdraw locked eyes with Eights. “I’m supposed to try giving you ‘the order’ now- General Kenobi suspects that as your superior officer, I might be authorized to trigger whatever the hell the longnecks put in our heads.”

Eights swallowed hard. “The longnecks, sir?”

“Who else?” Quickdraw asked in a tone drier than Jakku. He spun in the chair to face General Koon. “How are we doing this?”

After a brief discussion, the troopers ended up on opposite sides of a sound-proof transparisteel divider, an comm channel open between them. Eights plugged his ears and gave the order first. And giving Quickdraw an order was almost but not quite as weird as giving an order that would apparently make him try and kill Jedi.

Nothing happened and they swapped, this time with Quickdraw using a waxy covering to block his hearing.

His lieutenant stared at him straight through the clear divider and ordered him to execute Order 66. This time he finally remembered his training, and realized he was woefully outgunned. Oh well, he was a good soldier.

Eights stood up. The only visible change in his expression was a widening of his pupils. There was no malicious intent palpable in the force- he didn’t even look angry- just determined.

He lunged at the Jedi next to him, only to hit an invisible wall. He threw himself at the barrier desperately while the traitor backed out of the room and escaped. The wall finally dropped, but it was too late, he was locked in.

Sighing, he picked up the chair with his one good arm, slamming it repeatedly at the door frame. Good soldiers follow orders.

On the other side of the observation window, Quickdraw stumbled back horrified, reaching for his ears before hesitating. General Koon softly tapped his shoulder and indicated they should leave.

“I’ve got a location.” Master Che said quietly as the lieutenant was ushered into an antechamber and the activated trooper continued to beat at the door. “It’s a small but clear patch lit up like the festival of lights- I don’t know why it didn’t turn up in scans but...I’m as confident as I can be. Worst case- it’s a small enough area that removing the grey matter shouldn’t...well it won’t kill him. It’s enough to go on for microscapel surgery.” General Koon nodded, then tilted forward, weight falling heavily in his palms on the counter before him.

Vokara rested a hand gently on his back “...I was hoping it wasn’t true as well.”

Master Koon flinched away. “I am sorry and glad to say you do not understand my feelings on the matter. I think...my apologies but I need some time to meditate.”

“Of course.”

Koon rushed out. After a moment Master Windu stepped in, radiating similar distress as Master Koon. Master Kenobi followed, looking grim but also happy.

‘Oh I’m glad Koon isn’t around him right now,’ Healer Che thought wryly.

Perhaps sensing the mood, Obi-Wan sobered.

“I’m sorry it’s just- I didn’t actually see the order get activated. Of course I believed it wasn’t a choice- and I’m obviously not glad that anyone’s will could be taken so easily-”

“You don’t have to explain anymore,” Mace offered quietly. “I can understand why seeing this would be something of a relief, all things considered.”

The Head Healer nodded in agreement before taking charge. “Kenobi, go in with Eerin and help her sedate him. I’ll prepare for surgery.”

“Wait- shouldn’t we try other permutations first? It’s possible that once activated, a clone might be able to order a superior officer-”

“And it’s also possible that if a lieutenant is activated, the entire army will turn,” Mace snapped. Obi-Wan bent his head, chastised.

“Right. Yes. I’ll go- find Bant.”

An extremely long hour later, Master Che returned from surgery. Masters Mundi, Koth, and Yoda had left to and fulfill the other thousand and one duties of a council member not unravelling a Sith conspiracy at the heart of the Republic, while Master Aerdo had been dispatched to talk with Quickdraw as well as some of the other troopers in the hidden Medical bay.

“It’s a chip,” Vokara said grimly. “Native biological material, but clearly a chip. Like you would find in a droid. Far more complex than any slave chip I’ve ever seen, and no explosive component. It would only turn up on a level five brain scan. I didn’t even think to run it before- it’s overly invasive and typically useless.”

The reduced meeting crumpled at the sight of the infinitesimally small object of control, carefully encased in a stasis slide and placed delicately on the conference table.

Proof of Obi-Wan’s future, a future that the group thought they already believed.

“We should get Master Nu,” Adi Gallia said quickly, “We’ll want our top researchers analyzing it as soon as possible.”

Koon nodded sharply. “Agreed.”

The Tholothian Master stood, “I’ll go at once- we should probably keep any mention of this off comms.”

As Master Gallia swept out of the room, Plo Koon wrenched his gaze from the stasis slide to face the healer. “Master Che, what is Eight’s status?”

“Unconscious and restrained, but he should wake up soon enough. It...might not be a bad idea to have another Jedi nearby when he does.”

Koon and Che left the room, taking the chip with them and conferring quietly.

Obi-Wan leaned forward, elbows on the table and face in his hands.

Master Windu exchanged a glance with Anakin.

Finally Obi-Wan spoke, tentatively addressing Bant, “Could it be possible for someone...besides a clone to be chipped? If Palpatine had access to them as a child...”

Bant drew back, gaze flickering to Anakin. “I- we would have to study it more-”

Anakin interrupted, shifting in his seat. ”Master- what did I do?”

“It- it wasn’t you. It wasn’t you anymore that the person who fired on me was Cody.”

Bant exchanged a glance with Mace, before clearing her throat with a soft gurgle. “Perhaps we should leave the two of you alone to talk this through.”

The Mon Cala Healer stood and exited rapidly. Windu exchanged a glance with Skywalker before he left. “Talk through everything, understood?” Anakin nodded.

The door shut, leaving Master and Padawan alone. “I feel like I’m missing more than two and a half days,” Obi-Wan muttered wryly. “I don’t remember you three having a non-verbal communication system consisting of eye-contact alone before.”

Anakin chuckled once then immediately grew somber, picking at a loose thread in the sleeve of his robe. A thousand thoughts were swirling in his head, and he blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

“I- did I hurt you? Is that- is that why you stabbed me, you thought you were defending-”

“I did what?!” Obi-Wan paled, jumping up from his seat.

Anakin winced. “It’s nothing, that’s actually not important. I’m healed anyway so forget I mentioned it-”

Obi-Wan moaned, stumbling backwards over the fallen chair. “Of force- when you were trying to save me- I had a blade. I cut you down-” He tripped backwards, collapsing to the ground.

“Master!” Anakin lurched forwards, but the older Jedi scrambled back.

“I forgot my spray bottle in there,” Bant whispered outside the door. “Do you think it’s too late to go back for it?”

Mace peered subtly through the small window in the door. “Yes. They’re already on the ground. I think they’re both crying.”

“It’s been less than a minute!”

“Yes.”

“...We should go.”

“Yes.”

Unaware of their muffled audience, the two continued their conversation.

“Don’t- don’t touch me!” Obi-Wan gasped, back hitting a wall. “I don’t- I don’t deserve-”

The young knight reared back, falling from a crouch to his knees, “Is this...about the Tuskens again?

Obi-Wan blinked in confusion. “The Tuskens? What about Tuskens?”

“You don’t...remember?” The air grew cold and Anakin forced himself to continue, “What- what we talked about in the cave?”

“What we- I-” Obi-Wan thought furiously. “...Anakin. What did...what were you apologizing for in the cave? What- what did you think we were talking about?”

“Oh gods.” Anakin paled now, shuffling back.

“What are they doing now?” Bant asked the taller Master.

“They’re taking turns chasing each other back and forth on their hands and knees. They both look like they’re seconds away from passing out or throwing up.”

“I...is this a human thing?”

“No. What? Why would you think that?”

“I don’t know! Do you think this is how they usually talk to each other?”

“I think perhaps they don’t talk to each other, and that’s why they’re like this.”

“Right, right... I really want to hear what they’re saying.”

“Hm. I don’t.”

“Why are you also standing outside the door then?”

“I want to be ready to intervene if they start trying to kill each other.”

“FORCE”

“Quiet!”

“Sorry. Sorry. You think they fought then? In the...other timeline?”

“...It would explain Obi-Wan’s shatterpoint remnants better than anything else.”

“Not to mention the spice.”

“I thought we were politely ignoring the spice.”

“...and then I brought her back to the homestead for burial.” Anakin bowed his head, tears streaming against his will. “I thought...Master I know I can’t fix this but I’m sorry- I already stepped down from my position as General so I wouldn’t be in a position to kill anyone else- I need you to forgive me.”

“Oh Anakin.”

“What? What happened?” Bant asked urgently.

The Master of the Order appeared unruffled in the force and human visible light, but the tips of his ears were heating up in infrared. She stood on her toes to see in.

“Oh- they’re hugging? Seriously? That’s what you’re embarrassed to see?”

“They’re clinging to each other like younglings. It’s undignified for a Jedi Master and Knight”

“Alright that’s it- we’re going. I really don’t think Anakin’s going to jump from crying and hugs to murder.”

Unaware of their newfound privacy, the two inside withdrew from their embrace, still sniffling slightly.

“Thank you, Master,” Anakin said in a shaky tone. “I swear I won’t let you down, I’m going to do better.”

“I know, my padawan, I know. I’m going to be there to help you this time, I’m not going to leave you alone with- well I’m not going to leave you alone.”

Anakin smiled wetly at Obi-Wan’s careful avoidance of Chancellor Palpatine’s supposed Sith alter ego, refocusing on Obi-Wan and making intense eye contact.

“What did you think we were talking about?”

Obi-Wan looked down. “It doesn’t matter,” he whispered. “It- it never happened.”

“Ori’vod, please. You- you mentioned younglings. I did something else unforgivable didn’t I?”

Obi-Wan smiled but didn’t look up. “And i forgave you anyway. Even when I thought your apology was just a fantasy. But it wasn’t, it was real, and- and the people actually are unmurdered so...it’s not worth talking about it.”

Anakin bit the inside of his cheek, gut roiling. “You...really think I might have a chip in me?”

Obi-Wan’s eyes snapped up. “I...don’t know. I didn’t even know that Cody had a chip in him.”

“You just...were suddenly betrayed by everyone.”

“Not...everyone. Most who refused to fall in line were executed, of course, but there were a few senators who stood with the Jedi, secretly.”

A new wave of cold terror passed over Anakin. “What happened with the other senators?”

“Like I said to the council earlier, from what I heard they cheered Palpatine on. Thunderous applause.”

“That’s not what I mean- Padme, Was Padme alright?”

Obi-Wan buried his face in his hands, shuddering.

“Anakin- I don’t know what to tell you,” he said in muffled voice. “I don’t want to deceive you but- things were dark. If I tell you everything now, I’m afraid of what you’ll do.”

Anakin winced. “I don’t want you to be afraid of me. I’m not...evil. I just...I messed up, and I want to make things better.”

Obi-Wan sighed, and pulled Anakin so they were seated next to each other in a mirror of the false peace a few days earlier. Anakin leaned into his Master’s side, feeling the cold retreat. “You’re not evil Anakin, but what you did to the Tusken village wasn’t exactly a small thing. I- look- Ad’ika-”

Obi-Wan hesitantly placed an arm around Anakin’s shoulder and the cold retreated a bit more.

“If the council accepts my plan, we’re going to have time together over the next few weeks, to talk more about...everything. We’re going to end the war- save everyone. I know the cave wasn’t what either of us thought it was, but it still meant the galaxy to me. I love you, no matter what...and that conversation, what you said. Well, it gave me the strength to go on, to do what I needed to.” Obi-Wan froze. “Not my, um, self-inflected injuries- that’s- obviously that wasn’t your fault-”

“You thought you were hallucinating. I know.” Anakin smiled, feeling honestly amused at the absurdity situation for the first time. “I’m going to mock you for that for the rest of our lives, you know that, right?”

“I look forward to it.” Obi-Wan smiled.

A vise that had been clenched around Anakin’s heart since he broke down the door to their apartment finally relaxed. “You really weren’t trying to kill yourself,” he sighed happily.

“I was attempting to stay alive. Honestly concerned about dehydration. I wanted to stay in the daydream, but I knew I couldn’t. And part of that was because you gave me the strength to keep going. Sorry I did such a bad job honoring that but, well. You know. Thank you, Anakin. For saving me twice over.” Obi-Wan’s voice was utterly earnest, though it was a touch more embarrassed than he was used to after the single day of utter unrestraint.

Anakin’s eyes welled up. “I’ve been- I hated that you would just leave like that, give up-”

“Never Anakin,” Obi-Wan vowed. “I will never give up on you, or this galaxy.”

He twisted so he could throw both arms around his padawan.

“I swear by everything I am I will keep going. It’s... in my nature but gods is it easier with you besides me.”

“Even though i’m a child murderer twice over and once removed?” Anakin joked weakly, clinging desperately to Obi-Wan’s presence.

Obi-Wan shuddered. “Too soon, Anakin. Too soon.”

Part XXI

#star wars #my au #star wars au no 27 #suicidal misunderstanding au #star wars au #starwars

237 notes · View notes

smallfrenchstudyblr · 3 years

Note

hey! you seem like you're a really good TA (? idk if that's the right term but you seem to have some prof/teacher tasks?) and i was wondering how you got the confidence to do that? i'm basically on your level of education but i wouldn't think i was smart/capable enough to judge other students' writing and stuff, i feel like one of them more than one of the teachers if you get what i mean. do you have any advice?

Hello !

That is such a thoughtful question - and I am sure all postgrads who suddendly have to start teaching feel the same at the beginning. In my opinion, it is a fairly healthy mindset to have, as long as it does not inhibit your own teaching and remain just some healthy awareness that, hey, you are still learning many things yourself.

I am very touched you think I am a good TA - I hope I manage to be a helpful one at least.d I definitely still often wonder "am I qualified to teach this ? To... grade this ? Who am I to say whether this is good work or not?" But here are a few thingsm coming both from my experience so far and my discussions with other TA, which could maybe be of help to you (each developed under the cut)

1. You know more than your students, and that will be enough to help them.

2. Teaching is a two way street : you are not lecturing to them, you are working with them.

2bis : Give constant verbal feedback to your students !

3. Your own experience of being an Undergrad may not be the best point of reference

4. Talk to other TAs ! You all face the same issues !

5. Try out things, and if they do not work, it's fine.

6. Organize your session alternating moments where you take the lead, and moments where students take the lead.

7. Help, My students are not talking !

8. Grading is tough, but we can make it easier.

I hope they will be of help, but no worries, it takes practice, trial and errors, and time will help you figure it out. Do not hesitate to come back here if you have any question or something you want to discuss ! (And tell me how your teaching went, I would love to hear it!)

1. You know more than your students, and that will be enough to help them.

It means you do not have to be an expert in the topic you teach. You may even just be familiar with it. But by virtue of being a postgrad student, you know how to do the reading effectively, you will get very quickly what is important, what to retain from this or that reading. And you just need to know more than your students. Which you absolutely will.

I think being passionate, showing that you are excited about what you are teaching, giving them this energy, this interest, is much much more important than being a full-blown expert in your area.

2. Teaching is a two way street : you are not lecturing to them, you are working with them.

And that is not me being vaguely pseudo-inspiration ; it is something I have learnt and truly realized when I took a course on teaching. There is much literature on this, but the take-away is that especially as a TA, it is helpful if you see your job as working with students. Engage with them, offer them different options to choose from during the session, explain that you are here to support their learning, and give them some space to have some agency over what happens ! Trust them to at least try their best - many are!- and they will trust you in return, and will be more likely to give you some feedback.

2bis : Give constant verbal feedback to your students !

This does not come easy to me, but students NEED to be told when they said something good ! Because if you do not tell them explicitely, how would they know that, hey, this was a pretty cool comment !

But also, be clear when answer or a point raised is not relevant or wrong, because it also guides their understand of the topic. "Ok, I can see why you would say that, but it's actually abit trickier...". "Ah, yes, it is very interesting that you raise it, it is a common misunderstanding and I am glad you are pointing it out, because it is an interesting discussion to have!"

3. Your own experience of being an Undergrad may not be the best point of reference

When I started teaching, I made the mistake of thinking "ok, what sort of TA/tutorial do I wish I had, in Undergrad?", and went with what I know I would have enjoyed. Except I am a passionate nerdy introvert who hated talking to my peers and doing group works, and wanted a TA who was no-bullshit, clear, professional. Most of your students are probably not, and may indeed enjoy group work, or the opportunity to connect with their peers during your tutorial. Most of your students will appreciate a TA who is more forthcoming, friendly, and may crack a joke or two. And it is a weird role to have, it may clash with your personality (it definitely clashes with mine), but it's ok if it takes time to find the right zone for you ! It is absolutely part of the process !

4. Talk to other TAs ! You all face the same issues !

Pooling experience with other TAs is fantastic. Because no matter what issue you are facing, one of them faced it already. How do you teach in the shitty Room 605 where the computer does not work ? How do they deal with students who do not do the readings ? How to they handle lack of motivation from students ? What sort of group work do they organize ? Who sort of online tools do they rely on ? How do they deal with all the emails they get ? And on that note...

5. Try out things, and if they do not work, it's fine.

Do not be afraid to try things. I tend to stay away from "complex" activities which can confuse students, or rely too much on technology. But group work ? There are so many types of group work ! Why stick to just the "think of this question in group of 3 for 5 minutes", when you could do a syndicate, snowballing, 2-minutes essay, fishbowl, think-pair-share, buzz groups...

And sometimes, it will not work. Just... a bad session. And you feel that it's on you, that you did not manage to do your work, that you are a bad teacher... And refer to Point 2. Then, calmly, talk about it with another TA. Explain what you did, and try to get their opinion on it, reflect on it. But it is never all on you.

6. Organize your session alternating moments where you take the lead, and moments where students take the lead.

Teaching is exhausting, learning is exhausting, genuinely, so balance out moments where you do the heavy work, and moments where they do. I like to have a rough session plan with all the activities I have planned, and indicate for each if it is "ME", "STUDENTS", "ALL". And also ensure that your students are given the opportunity to really take an active role, which is way better for learning !

7. Help, my students are not talking :

This will happen. You will ask a question, no one will answer. Big, awkward, heavy silence. You reformulated the question, but clearly it is not working. Here are a few ways I have reacted to it :

- Show of hands 1 : for a quick diagnosis. "Can you raise your hand if you have done the reading for this question ? Just so I know if this is maybe the problem". Encourage the ones who have done the readings to explain it to the others.

- Show of hands 2 : "Ok, there are two ways to answer this question X and Y. Can you raise you hand if you think Y, and lower it if you think X?". Encourage some who picked Y to explain why, then same with X.

- Show of hands 3 : "Ok, let's lower the pressure. Who thinks they kind of have an answer, but is not sure about how to word it, or properly argument it?". Ask whoever raise their hand to start, and pick up yourself from there.

- Switch to think-pair-share : "Ok, how about we think a bit about this on our own for a few minutes, and then you can compare your own answers with your neigbour"

- Collapse the classroom : "Ok, I can see that this is not working. It's ok, can you tell me if it is because the topic is not super interesting, or the reading ? Are the questions not what you expected?"

- End of the session clear-up : [once everything is over] "Ok, so now that the session is over, can I ask you guys why it was difficult for you to talk today ? Just so I can make sure I can come up with questions that are useful to you, next time. If some of you want to stay a few minutes to talk about what you would like to change for the next tutorials, we can talk about it now ; you don't have to, of course"

8. Grading is tough, but we can make it easier.

Especially if you are grading things like essays, we can often feel uneasy, unsure how to grade them, how legitimate we are to grade them, especially with the sheer impact grades can have on students. Ideally, you want to have a list of things that are PLUS POINTS, and perhaps some that are MINUS POINTS, and have those strictly guide your grading, to be fair to all students and assess them similarly. I also found that it is helpful to grade the paper, only the paper. When there is a really, really bad essay where clearly the student barely tried, it's easy to get frustrated, because you did your best, and clearly the student did not care ? But you never actually know what happened. Real examples of students submitting absolutely terrible work include : a student who was grieving her mother, a student who had been in hospital and did not know she could ask for a delay, an adult student whose child had gotten sick the days before, a foreign student with a poor grasp on English... When you are grading the 78th essay of the week, it is easy to forget that each of them is from an individual, and we get to judge the work they do, but not why they did it. Even in your comments and feedback, always be compassionate.

#life as a TA #teaching #University #phdblr #gradblr

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writersrealmbts · 3 years

Text

Clearwater Springs: Part 8

Description: ot7 x reader, reader’s choice, fairy/supernatural/soulmate au. The choices you make influence the story! In this world, war-torn and ragged, you’ve been offered a home and a job working as a librarian. Will you meet your soulmates? Will you ever find the shelves behind the piles of books? Who knows.

Warnings: Innuendos, some heated moments, AnGsT

Posted: 02/06/2021

Tags: ot7 x reader, supernatural bts, soulmate au

3,650 words

A/N: Okay! Chapter 8! So, the survey replies said that I could do two free-write and one survey chapter, which means the next survey chapter will be chapter 11, but that link will come with chapter 9 because heck if I know where we’re going next! Also, I apparently have a bigger ao3 contingency reading this so that’s interesting. But anyway! Here we go! Sorry it took so long!

Previous ~ Next

Jungkook wasn’t breathing, frozen and staring at the dragon.

You bowed a little more. “Please forgive our intrusion upon your territory.”

A deep rumbling laughter made the waters tremble, ripples disturbing the eerily smooth surface of the water. “Little xana, you are most welcome as my river-kin. And brave djinn, you are welcome also. I could not turn away one attached so strongly to the soul of my river-kin. Your soul may rest easily when you have your heart pieces put together.”

Jungkook breathed out. “It’s hard.”

“It will not always be so, little one. The trials of life...they come...and they go. But if you stick close to your heart, all should turn out to be well and you shall grow stronger for all of your trials.” Anwei settled his head on the surface of the water. “You will grow, and have much growing to do still.”

Jungkook turned a little toward you. “How do you know?”

Anwei chuckled. “Did you know that the oracles and seers all descended from those who drank from the waters of a great and powerful dragon that was tainted with his blood?”

You tried not to gag at the thought, standing once more and taking Jungkook’s arm.

“And you, little xana, so many thoughts, racing in that head of yours and so many ideas without a clue how to enact them. You desire much, but admit little, but you are the key to all of the others. Without you, they would lose each other.” The dragon seemed to be settling back into the waters. “Now, if you both don’t mind...being awake is tiresome. And you both have someone to go find, do you not?”

You looked to the sky. “Jungkook, it’s almost sunset.”

“How?”

Anwei chuckled. “Time is a funny thing.”

You started running back in the direction of the house. “Thank you, oh great one!”

He just chuckled more. “Little ones. Always...in a...hurry.”

Jungkook zoomed past you, slightly translucent and going through the trees, but he often glanced back to make sure you were still with him.

You ran into Valina, squeaking and quickly helping her gather her mushrooms again and apologizing to her and who appeared to be her witch friends. “Sorry, I’m in a hurry! You haven’t seen Seokjin, have you?”

“Not in the past two days, sugar.”

“Ok, thank you!” You called, racing after Jungkook who had gone invisible around them. “He must not have gone to town. She would have seen him otherwise.”

“Where else could he be?” Jungkook asked, but it sounded like it was in your head more than anything which sent chills up and down your spine.

“There’s too many places he could be. Maybe Hoseok will have a clue for us, though. Come on.”

He beat you to the house, but the others were in the yard. Jimin was sitting in the grass with Hoseok looking at the feathers on his wings. Namjoon pacing. Yoongi was in a brown tabby form, gaze locked on you and Jungkook as the two of you raced up.

“Nothing?” Jungkook asked, looking at the others.

“No word from him, no sightings, nothing.”

Your gaze was drawn to the forest as they started discussing where they should look.

“Come on, Hoseok, any ideas?”

Hoseok pouted. “I can’t just turn it on and off. I looked in the crystal balls, but I didn’t see anything that would help us.”

“I’ll check the forest. Maybe our forest friend has seen him.”

“Alone?” Jimin scrambled to his feet.

“I won’t be alone long. Like I said, our forest friend will probably find me and help me find Seokjin.” You scanned the forest line, then spotted a tree that looked slightly out of place. That had to be it. Their hidden mailbox. “You guys go look. I’ll check the forest.”

“Are you sure?” Namjoon asked, coming over and taking your hand. “It’s a big forest.”

“I’m sure. We’ll find him. Go look. Meet back here when the sun has fully set,” You told them, squeezing Namjoon’s hand. “We’ll find him.”

Namjoon nodded, but didn’t move until Yoongi came over and grabbed his wrist, pulling him away.

Hoseok grabbed onto both maknaes. “Come on, we’re odd numbers with y/n going alone. Both of you come with me. I don’t like traveling in the dark.”

Jimin snorted, and started quietly teasing the elder—which was really heartwarming because it meant he was growing attached and comfortable.

Jungkook just trailed after them, smiling a little at the hand holding his.

And you knew they’d be fine.

You hurried toward the tree, their mailbox tree, studying it for a while and then trying to figure out how to find Taehyung so he could help you find Jin.

“You’re not Jin-hyung,” A deep voice pouted behind you.

You turned and sighed in relief. “No, we don’t know where he is. Need your help finding him, Taehyung. He left last night and we haven’t heard from him since.”

Taehyung’s eyes widened. “He’s missing?”

“Not...necessarily. I think he didn’t want to be found right away though. And I have a feeling he’s in a forest...maybe the one his brother died in?”

Taehyung looked surprised, but it slowly faded to agreement, and he nodded. “Right. You’re right. Let’s go look.”

You hurried after him. “It’s okay for me to use your real name, right?”

“What? Oh, yeah! It’s also a good way to get in touch with me. Just whisper it to any of the maples and they’ll bring it to me, and I’ll know that you’re looking for me.” Taehyung smiled at you.

You smiled back, but were also trying to figure out how to tell him that he was one of your soulmates. It would have to wait until you found Jin.

Taehyung led the way to a forest that was obviously just starting to regrow from a devastating fire, saplings here and there and some bushy undergrowth, but also a clearly defined path through it to the undamaged parts of the forest. The dirt road under your feet looked well-travelled, and yet the only sounds you could hear were of birds and squirrels and chipmunks.

“So….”

“That path leads to the family cemetery, which is also the memorial area for all of the dryads lost to the fire. Hyung talked about it becoming the first town cemetery since the area around it was already cleared by the fire,” Taehyung said, then hesitantly stepped toward the path. “What if he gets mad that we came looking for him?”

“He won’t be. He left because...his feelings got hurt in a misunderstanding last night. He needs us. Did...did you finish his butterfly?”

Taehyung nodded, carefully pulling the white butterfly from his bag and then whispering some sort of spell before tossing it lightly into the air as it started moving.

Down the path.

Taehyung hurried after it, not even glancing back as you captured his hand and held onto it.

You heard the singing first, soft and sad, and then you saw Jin, sitting against a headstone as he sang.

Taehyung had stopped when he heard the singing as well, just watching and listening.

Jin’s voice cracked and wobbled, and he stopped singing.

Just as the butterfly reached him and landed on his knee.

Jin stared at it, then reverently scooped it up.

Taehyung ran to Jin the moment you let go of his hand. “Hyung!”

Jin looked up, but didn’t move until Taehyung was just about to fall onto and crush the butterfly.

You walked over as Taehyung bear-hugged Jin and kept telling him not to cry, studying the tombstones and memorials from the dryads.

And you sang, because that was the only thing you knew for certain. Singing was the only way to feel like you belonged there, among all of the death.

There had been too much death.

When would this war end?

You sat on the ground in front of the two boys while you sang, looking to the sky to see how long you had until dark.

You sang of misunderstandings, of the worry that all of you had felt over Jin being missing, and of soulmates still not joined. Of lurking darkness.

“Y/n,” Jin said, grabbing your shoulders. “Come on. We’re leaving. Come on.”

You blinked, nodding, but you couldn’t stop singing. It would be too much if you stopped singing.

They rushed you out of the cemetery, through the trees and back to the road.

Taehyung looked nauseous when you were finally able to stop singing, the pressure in your chest gone. “You’re not allowed in cemeteries, got it.”

Jin gently stroked your hair. “What are you two doing here, anyway?”

“We’ve been looking for you,” Taehyung answered, the ‘duh’ in his tone easily palpable.

Jin’s brow wrinkled.

“Everyone’s been so worried about you,” You whispered. “Jungkook especially. He really wants to talk to you.”

Jin looked even more sad.

Taehyung was frowning in frustration. “What happened, hyung?”

“He didn’t want me,” Jin whispered.

“Yes he did,” You refuted. “He got overwhelmed. It happens, and you really need to let him explain. Please, Seokjinnie. Come home. Taehyung can come with us.”

Taehyung looked at you in surprise. “Uh...what?”

“I know you lied, you told me you lied. Jin, he still doesn’t know,” You whispered.

Jin held your gaze and nodded slowly. “He doesn’t. You’re right. We should fix that.”

“We should.”

Jin tugged Taehyung closer. “Please come with us?”

Taehyung looked Jin over, then glanced at you. “I don’t understand….”

When he looked back at Jin, Jin kissed him.

You studied the surprised stiffness in Taehyung, then the way he melted into Jin with a soft sound. You had to bring them both home. You had to bring your soulmates together.

Jin pulled away. “Come home, Taehyungie.”

Taehyung nodded, but you doubted he even knew he was doing that.

Yoongi was waiting outside, walking the perimeter of the yard as though restless. But the moment he heard the three of you, he turned and walked hurriedly toward all of you.

“Where are the others?” You asked, intervening before Yoongi could snarl out his worries because he looked ready to snarl at Jin and you didn’t want that.

Yoongi breathed deeply for a few seconds. “They’re inside. I told them I’d wait outside for you and to make sure there would be food ready when Seokjin-hyung returned.”

You nodded. “Okay. Why don’t we go in?”

Yoongi’s gaze locked on a nervous looking Taehyung. “This…?”

“Yes, now let’s go inside.”

Yoongi nodded, but instead of moving toward the house, he moved toward Jin. He stared at him for a long time, and then sort of dropped his head against Jin’s shoulder. “Don’t scare us like that.”

Jin nodded, sort of patting Yoongi’s back. “Let’s go inside. Y/n said I need to talk to Jungkook.”

The moment the door opened, the smells of various delicious dishes rolled out in waves.

Namjoon was just inside the door and he almost tackled Jin. “Why do you do this to me?!”

Jin hugged Namjoon back, but was looking past him with a hungry look. “Who’s cooking?”

“No one, Jungkook used his magic.”

Jin’s eyes widened slightly.

You grabbed Taehyung’s hand as the boy shrunk back a bit. “Come on. Let’s eat. Then talk. Talking is better when your stomach is full. Or so I’m told.”

Jungkook was waiting by the table, eyes wide and hopeful, but also regretful as he spotted Jin. “Hyung—”

“We’ll talk after we’re not hungry,” Yoongi cut in. “And I doubt hyung has eaten since he left so he’s likely very hungry. Let him eat.”

Jungkook hesitated and then nodded, moving so everyone could take a seat, but staring at Taehyung.

“Taehyung, that’s Jungkook, Jimin, Hoseok, Namjoon, and Yoongi,” You quickly glanced over everyone’s names. “Now sit and eat with us. They are fond of eating.”

“You’re not?” He asked carefully, and you saw the way Jimin and Hoseok looked up in surprise and then looked at each other at hearing his voice.

You shrugged. “It’s not essential for me. Get another glass for Taehyung?” You placed your plate and utensils in front of Taehyung, but you were thirsty. Actually, you felt parched.

But the drink you were craving was not water.

Hoseok was carrying the conversation, with Jimin contributing quite a bit and Namjoon commenting now and then.

Jin was definitely focused on eating, but that wasn’t surprising.

Taehyung’s eating habits were adorable, and you kind of wanted to pinch his cheeks while also giving him more food because he just seemed so...innocent and feedable.

But he was also enraptured by the conversation, soon joining in as his plate emptied.

Jimin was eating better too, which made your heart a little lighter.

Jin was putting pieces of meat on Jungkook’s plate before taking a second piece for himself and Jungkook was dutifully eating it, looking up at Jin every now and then with what you could only attribute as adoration or something similar.

Yoongi only spoke when Jin and Jungkook left together. “Stay put. Namjoon, let them talk it out without eavesdropping. Taehyung-ah, would you like some more pasta?”

Taehyung nodded.

You went to the kitchen as the boys continued eating, grabbing the herbs you needed and tucking them into the pocket in your skirt. “I’m going to go and bathe for a bit. Maybe we could watch a movie tonight? If those two work things out?”

Namjoon nodded quickly. “I’ll set everything up.”

“I’ll make popcorn,” Yoongi offered.

Taehyung just looked slightly terrified of you leaving him alone with them.

You went over and kissed his forehead. “You’re safe here, you know. And Jin will want you to be here when he’s done talking to Jungkook. It’s like a sleepover. They don’t bite. Well, Yoongi might when he’s a cat, but the others don’t.”

Yoongi huffed. “I only bite people who deserve it.”

“You bit me earlier!”

“You deserved it.”

You waited for Taehyung to nod before you headed for the basement.

You had an elixir to make.

“Don’t let me disturb you,” Jin called. “Just wanted to talk.”

You turned a bit, noting that he wasn’t in the room with you. “About?”

“I don’t know. I just...anything.” You heard him moving a chair.

“I’m not a fan of talking through walls or doors. You never know what Namjoon might overhear.”

“He can’t hear the basement.”

“Really?” You paused.

“It was one of the preventative measures put in place before you came. He was never strongly tied to the basement anyway. He can only sense when I jump on the stairs or if we were to break a window, or damage the foundation. Once we hit the stone floor, nothing.”

“So that he wouldn’t be harmed by my singing.”

“Well….”

“I understand. It’s fine. You and Jungkook work everything out?”

“Yeah. We’re good. Made up. He’s staying with me tonight.”

“Good. But what about Taehyung?”

“I was hoping you would convince him to stay.”

You smiled. “Oh, were you?”

“You’re very convincing. The boys are doing a good job of making him feel welcome, but you’re the cincher. You’re the tie that binds us together.”

You smiled and added the last ingredient to your magic elixir.

“I didn’t know Xana’s couldn’t be around death.”

“I didn’t know, either,” You answered, shivering a little at the memory. You poured the elixir into the gold gilt chalice.

“Good to know though.”

“Back to Taehyung, how do you suggest I convince him to stay?”

“I don’t know. You’re the expert.”

“I’m an expert? How so?”

“You’ve driven all of us mad at some point recently. Just follow your instincts. Wear one of those dresses.”

You grinned, fighting a giggle as you pulled a new dress from the water. Very alluring silk and lace nightgown, with a lace robe. Not too revealing. Classy.

Jin stood up and studied you, then stared at the chalice. “What is that?”

You offered it to him. “It is a gift.”

“And...you want to give it to me?”

“It is mine to give to whom I will, like my heart,” You quoted softly.

He gently placed his hands around the chalice, fingers over your own. “But...me?”

“You are the first, my first soulbond, it is only fitting that you drink ius caritate first,” You murmured, eyes following the chalice as he gently lifted it, keeping your hands on it under his. Watched as it reached his lips and he drank it, hesitantly at first, then calmly.

Watched his face as the chalice lowered from his lips, which turned upward into a smile, and his whole being seemed to glow and shine.

The chalice dissolved, just leaving your hands in his.

Then his lips were brushing yours lightly. “Thank you, y/n. I understand now.”

You smiled and let him pull you to his chest, drinking in his presence for just a few moments before he walked with you upstairs.

Yoongi was sprawled out on Jimin’s lap in cat form, fast asleep and purring.

Hoseok was playing with Jungkook’s hair, while the djinn looked ready to fall asleep.

Taehyung was in the middle of it all, looking surprisingly comfortable and talking casually with Namjoon.

Namjoon trailed off as he saw you, eyes widening.

Taehyung followed his gaze, and his jaw dropped.

Jungkook was very much awake.

Jimin eyes were raking over you.

Hoseok was gripping Jungkook’s hair.

Yoongi stayed asleep, even as Jimin set him down and came over to you, followed quickly by the others.

“Maybe we should do the movie in the morning,” You said softly, knowing they could all hear you. “Taehyung, would you like to stay the night?”

Jin was wrapping his arms around Jungkook.

Taehyung stared at you, then gulped, nodding once.

You mirrored the nod. “Come, I’ll show you a room.”

His gaze slowly drifted down to your offered hand, and he hesitantly took it.

You drew him upstairs, noting that the others weren’t following.

“There’s something going on here,” Taehyung said softly.

“There is,” You agreed.

“What is it?” He asked with slightly more insistence, but still leaning into the hand that you brushed his cheek with.

You let the lace robe slide down your shoulders, turning and revealing your soulmark to him. “You are the green.”

His long, beautiful fingers reached out and traced the outline of the mark in a featherlight touch that sent shivers all throughout your body. “Soulmates. You and them and...me...Jin-hyung?”

You nodded. “He’s the pink.”

“That one is so pretty,” He murmured, touching it. It had a sort of water-color, realistic look to it now.

“I’ve bonded with him the most. It’s all been going so fast,” You whispered, looking up at his face. You wouldn’t have been surprised if he’d had some xana in him at some point, he was so handsome. Ethereal.

Taehyung was chewing on his lip now. “And I’m one of you. One of your soulmates.”

“You are. It’s okay if you’re not ready, we’re all still trying to get comfortable with one another. I really was going to show you to a room you could stay in.”

He nodded. “I believe you. I wouldn’t have minded though….”

“Good to know,” You murmured. “Do you want your own room?”

He nodded again, a little more quickly. “Just...until I know everyone a little better.”

You nodded. “Whatever you need, Taehyung.” You turned slowly and led the way to the door of a room you knew wasn’t taken. “This one is empty. It’s yours.”

He opened the door and blinked as he looked inside. “I swear the bed just made itself.”

“There is a house haltija, a djinn, and a fairy here. Probably clean bedding.” You walked in to check and nodded. “Just a quick clean. Don’t worry. Namjoon has a strict privacy policy.”

Taehyung nodded.

“I’ll let you rest. There are probably some spare clothes in the dresser now. Make yourself at home,” You told him, smiling and leaving him to get comfortable while humming a tune.

Namjoon was in your room, and he looked up hesitantly as you came in.

You just smiled at him and went around to your side of the bed. “Staying with me tonight, handsome?”

He nodded. “If that’s okay?”

“It is.” You let the robe slip down and climbed into the bed. “The magic waters decided not to give me anything warm. I was hoping that meant someone would be here with me.”

Namjoon quickly joined you. “Yoongi was hoping he could stay with you, too.”

“He doesn’t usually ask,” You whispered, smiling.

“He knew I was going to. Wanted to make sure we were both okay with him coming.”

“I’m okay with it if you are,” You told him, pressing a gentle kiss to his lips. You could get spoiled having so many lips to kiss around you.

Namjoon nodded slightly, then kissed you, a little more firm. A little more passionate.

You didn’t hear the door, or Yoongi walking through the room, but soon he was sliding into the bed behind you, arms around you and squeezing gently.

Namjoon let you come up for air, kissing down your neck before finding a spot that made your toes curl happily and sticking there.

Yoongi sighed. “So pretty.” And he kissed your cheek next to your ear. “Our pretty y/n.”

You smiled a bit as he yawned, leaning back against his chest and feeling his sleepy energy sort of seep into you as well. It’d been a long day.

Namjoon seemed to have found the spot he wanted to stay in to sleep as well.

You closed your eyes with a happy sigh.

You had all seven of your soulmates home and safe.

Previous. Next.

Masterlist. Clearwater Springs Masterpost.

Taglist: @kerikaaria @killcomet @letsreadbts @taestannie @dwaaaaaaaaa @missmoxxiesworld @cheese123344 @insfirebunny @crookedstarlitnight @aphot-c @chim-possible @psiphidragon @i-like-puppy-mg @daddyjoonie @softescapism @amammietje @4evahevah @slytherclawwarrior @kittylovsu @forever-once-gone @unlikelylittlemiss @mailani-annie @daydreambrliever @miss-fawn @jinternational-playboy @sinceritythatcouldntbedelivered @the-obsessive-fangirl @mysticalpostobject @reinaxans @writtenmemoriesau @sunnysoliculus @mailani-annie @carolinexkpop @kascreation

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#clearwater springs fic #bts x reader #ot7 x reader #bts ot7 #bts fic #soulmate au #fairy au #magic au #bts ot7 x reader #jungkook #yoongi #jimin #hoseok #namjoon #taehyung #jin #seokjin

153 notes · View notes

journalxxx · 3 years

Text

By Hook or by Crook (6)

Hey kid. I’d like to have a chat with you, if you’re up to it. Would you be free this afternoon?

Izuku idly reread the text and the brief exchange that followed as he whiled away the few minutes left before the agreed time for the meeting.

Just a little over twenty-four hours before, Izuku had had a minor stroke at the mere thought of All Might texting him about a trip to the police station. Just a little over twenty-four hours before, he would have soared straight to cloud nine at the thought of All Might texting him ‘to have a chat’. It was a pity that the only emotion he could muster at the moment was a vague sense of stunned apathy.

“I’ll get that.” He informed no one in particular when the bell rang. The man installing what probably were legalized viruses on his laptop gave him an odd look, and his mother replied something indistinguishable from the bathroom. Izuku shuffled out of his room and unlocked the front door.

“Young Midoriya. Good afternoon.” All Might had reverted to his laid-back cargo pants and t-shirt attire. He seemed more tired and subdued as well, more like on the day Izuku had met him.

“Good afternoon.” Izuku gestured at him to come inside, which he did with a quiet thanks. He did not remove his shoes though, and he stopped only few steps in upon spotting the second man fiddling with the landline in the living room.

“Ah. Busy day, is it?” All Might acknowledged the technician with a knowing nod. He then turned towards Izuku and tilted his head towards the front door. “Say, how about we take a walk? I bet your house feels crowded enough without me imposing as well.”

His mother’s head peeked into the hallway. All Might greeted her with a little wave and a weirdly embarrassed grin.

“I’m going for a walk.” Izuku announced as he slipped his shoes on.

“Uhm, are you sure?” Her eyes shifted between All Might and him with ill-concealed unease.

“Yeah, I’m sure.” Izuku cut short. He wasn’t in the mood for another discussion. “See you later.”

He strode out of the building without hesitation. He made his way down the stairs, through the parking lot, all the way to the sidewalk before stopping. All Might caught up with him a minute later, after lingering on the threshold to exchange a few words with his mother that Izuku decided he did not care about. He also decided to ignore the pointed stare the hero aimed at him when he finally reached him.

“Anywhere you’d like to go in particular?” All Might asked after a beat, gazing up and down the small road.

“Not really. You?”

“Any place is fine by me. I need to get reacquainted with this city, its layout is quite different from how I remember it.”

Right, All Might had just moved in. And Musutafu had likely changed a lot since his U.A. days… That would have been a tremendously interesting topic for a chat, Izuku could feel the questions popping up in his head in droves, despite everything. Unfortunately, he was under no illusion that what All Might wanted from him could be that kind of casual conversation.

They picked a random direction and started walking. For almost five minutes, they strolled without breathing a word. It wasn’t nearly as awkward as it would have been under any normal circumstances.

“Had another rough night?” All Might said eventually.

“Mh.” Easy guess. The bags under Izuku’s eyes would soon rival the fixed shadows circling the hero’s if he didn’t manage to rein in his sleeping schedule soon. The nightmares had ceased, thankfully, but his head had been so full of disjointed and clashing thoughts and memories that he hadn’t managed to catch some shut eye until so late that it had become early.

Nothing made sense. Everything made too much sense. In hindsight, it felt strange that Izuku had never contemplated the possibility himself. It also felt absurd that it could be true though, instead of some sort of huge misunderstanding. That his father could be-

“Oh, before I forget. The villain is faring much better.”

“Uh? What?” Izuku blinked.

“The sludge villain whose quirk you returned.” All Might graced him with a gentle smile. “I heard he was already mostly coherent by last night, and as of few hours ago he was firmly denying ever bearing any ‘serious’ ill intent towards you and your friend, demanding to see his lawyer and complaining about the quality of the lunch he was served.”

Guilt needled Izuku’s stomach upon realizing that the villain’s plight had completely escaped his mind since his return home from the police station. How poorly committed his sympathy was. “Oh. That’s… good, I guess?”

“We guess.” All Might chuckled. “I don’t think I’ve dealt with another incident that badly in years, but I’m glad that no one suffered any permanent damage, at least. And thank you again for bringing the matter to a close in my stead.”

“It’s hardly your fault if things went the way they did. But… yeah, I’m glad he’s okay and that it’s over.” Now if only that hadn’t sparked a much worse and much more scarring mishap, at least for Izuku… “Are you all right, by the way?”

“Me?”

“Yeah. Have you managed to see a doctor yet? About, uh…” Izuku pointed at his own mouth, unsure how to describe the attack the man had suffered the day before, the likes of which Izuku had only seen in movies and cartoons, usually from people sporting deadly and gory upper body wounds.

All Might laughed with inexplicable, genuine mirth. “Oh, don’t worry! I wasn’t playing it cool when I said I was fine. It’s just a thing that happens. Usually it isn’t quite as, uh, dramatic, but it really is nothing concerning.”

“But… you hadn’t even used your quirk…” Izuku could not fathom how spraying blood like a fountain on a presumably regular basis couldn’t warrant seeking any kind of medical attention, but the hero waved off his objection with finality.

“Trust me, it’s fine. More importantly...“ All Might wasn’t looking at him. He seemed deeply focused in memorizing as much as he could of his surroundings, peering here and there at street nameplates, buildings, alleys… manholes too, amusingly. But the low and soft quality of his tone made it clear that he wasn’t asking just out of politeness. “What about you, kid? How are you?”

Izuku dropped his gaze to his feet and shrugged. It was an accurate answer, actually. He’d spent so many hours torturing himself with doubts and grief and confusion that at some point his brain had sort of… ran out of energy to spare for emotions. He supposed it wasn’t the worst response he could have had. Stolid empty-headedness was largely preferable to the scorching waves of betrayal, impending doom and overbearing dismay he’d sampled the day before.

“I imagine how difficult all this must be for you.“ All Might went on, just as tactfully. “Have you talked with your mother?”

Oh, scratch that. He was still capable of feeling something. His mother was enough of a sore topic to make him clench his fists. “...Yeah. I have.”

“...I don’t think-”

“She knew.” Yeah, he was still angry. It bubbled in his chest like boiling tar, thick and sticky and suffocating.

“She told you that?”

“I heard you three talking about it last night. I was listening from outside the living room.”

“What?!” All Might seemed genuinely shocked. It hadn’t been Izuku’s proudest moment, admittedly, but let’s be honest, what else was he supposed to do? Pretend that they weren’t discussing life-changing revelations just few meters away from his bed? He was only human. All Might slapped a large hand on his face and dragged it down alongside his pointy features with a groan. “Oh, come on…”

“She knew, and she never told me.” His nails were digging painfully in his palms and- oh great, now he was getting teary again. He’d held it together for the whole day and now he was going to lose it five minutes after All Might had showed up. For the third or fourth time in as many days. Sure, why not? It wasn’t like he’d managed to retain any sort of dignity since the very moment he’d met his idol. Why bother now? “S-She’s known since- since before marrying him- however that happened… I j-just...”

All Might regarded him silently for a moment. “...Things like these look very different from an outside perspective. Especially to someone as young as you are. It’s very easy to judge, and even easier to misjudge.”

“But she knew he was a criminal - one who would not even consider changing his ways for his family - and she… wanted him around anyway? Why would she do that?! It’s- I wouldn’t want an unrepentant villain still involved in illegal business around my son! He’d be... a bad influence, at the very least!”

“Before yesterday, have you ever thought that he could be having a bad influence on you?”

“Uh? No, I… I didn’t know that he was… I never… questioned...”

All Might sighed deeply. “Your father is a notoriously charismatic man. He’s always been particularly adept at coaxing people to his side without open coercion, but with simple, well-aimed words. You never suspected that he may have been acting in his own best interest while offering or withholding certain information from you, although it may seem obvious in hindsight. I bet he managed to instil the same trust in your mother, despite what she knew about him.”

“I…” Izuku rubbed away the tears flowing freely down his cheeks. He couldn’t understand. He just couldn’t. And it tore at him. “W-Was it because of the money? She never... I-I thought we were good, she n-never said anything… I-If I’d known, I would have… I wouldn’t have asked for… s-so many things, I-”

“I highly doubt that a few toys and games could have had that big of an impact on the family budget. There’s no reason for you to beat yourself up over anything.” All Might slipped his hands in his pockets, sympathy plain in his sunken eyes. “Your mother found herself in a very tricky situation, through no real fault of her own. She navigated it as best as she could, and I’m sure your well-being was her top priority. Seeing the healthy and upright young man you’ve grown into, I’d say she handled it admirably.”

“...I know.” Izuku knew it, really, he understood that. But… he’d always seen his mother as just about the most transparent, honest, sensible and sensitive person on Earth. And it turned out she didn't… exactly… meet that standard, however idealistic. It had been a blow, on top of everything else, one that had left him without a real, fully trustworthy figure when he most needed it. “I know that, but… she should have told me. At some point. There’s no excuse for not doing that.”

“Perhaps. It’s hard to predict the negative impact that such a confession may have on a younger child, but perhaps she should have.” The hero conceded. “I’d refrain from handing down verdicts though. You kept some secrets of your own from her. You hid your quirk-”

“But that’s not the same thing! Not even close! A quirk isn’t as big an omission as your father being a criminal!” Izuku snapped, then immediately hunched his back in regret, his tone losing some volume but not its bitterness. “And, you know, maybe, maybe I wouldn’t have listened to him so readily if someone had warned me that he isn’t exactly an upstanding citizen!”

“Look, it isn’t my place to comment on how things stand or should stand between you and your mother, or how you should behave, but… if there’s one thing you need to keep in mind - and please do keep it in mind, at all times - is that the one person who bears absolute and doubtless blame is your father. That’s the source of all the lies that have been fed to you. Lies and deception are… what he does, really. What he’s always done. You and your mother are both victims in all this.”

Izuku sniffed and wiped some tears and snot on his sleeve. It was gross, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. There was a logic to All Might’s words, but no logic justified the staggering duplicity that had just turned his life upside down. The unfairness of it all was simply too much to accept.

The boy looked up when All Might poked him on the shoulder to catch his attention.

“Speaking of which…” All Might swerved to the left, entering a smaller and more secluded lane leading away from the more trafficked routes. He had resumed his perusal of the area, and his expression had regained a firm, almost steely edge. Izuku followed him. “What I wanted to talk to you about concerns what transpired about your father, and how it will affect your life going forwards.”

No surprise there. The two plain-clothes agents that had shown up that morning, no doubt mourning the loss of their well-deserved Sunday rest, had been clear enough of a warning of some upheaval to the Midoriyas’ routine. All Might’s vague text had only cemented Izuku’s expectations of further disruptions.

“I hate being the bearer of bad news, but it is imperative for you to understand the gravity of your father’s position… especially to prevent him from enacting any sort of manipulation or control on you in the future.” The hero began. “The man you know as ‘Hisashi Midoriya’ goes under many aliases, so much so that we are still unaware of his real name. He has committed an astounding variety of serious crimes, over the course of decades. Even if your mother claims to be aware of his background, I assure you she doesn’t know the half of it.”

Izuku physically curled up under the weight of those words. It was… even worse than they thought? His father sounded more and more like some obscenely powerful yakuza boss or something, which was just… just...

“The police will be gathering and analyzing as much evidence as possible to find clues leading to his current location and activities. All possible forms of communications between you and him will be monitored. Your phones will be bugged, and any electronic devices you own will be fitted with tracking software. Your mail will be examined before delivery.” All Might paused, assessing Izuku’s lack of a reaction to his speech. “Did they tell you about this already?”

“S-Some of it, yeah.” Izuku’s gaze dropped to the asphalt again. The dried tears made the skin on his cheeks and around his eyes itch. “Will there be cameras too? Inside the house?”

“I haven’t heard about cameras. I don’t think so. Seeing as your father never set foot in your house, there doesn’t seem to be any reason to surveil it that closely from the inside. The outside will be watched, so we’d notice anyway if he tried to approach it.”

“...Okay.”

“...I know it’s an oppressive situation. No one likes having their privacy invaded. But know that the professionals in charge of monitoring you are utterly uninterested in you specifically, or in whatever you do with your free time, as long as it isn’t anything outrageously illegal.” All Might’s voice softened again, although not enough for Izuku to dare raise his eyes from the ground. “I hear they are especially unconcerned about peculiar web searches and piracy perpetrated by bored adolescents, and some such things. Anything that isn’t strictly related to the case at hand won’t ever make it into any reports.”

“Mh.” A couple of small mercies were better than none, Izuku guessed. He really couldn’t muster neither enthusiasm nor gratitude for them at the moment though.

“Ah, about this… Those monthly phone calls your mother mentioned are particularly relevant for the police. They are likely their best bet in pinpointing your father’s position.” All Might paused. “For that reason, we would appreciate your cooperation on that front.”

Izuku’s brain suddenly jolted into activity, a myriad of spy movies and comics coming to his mind and offering plenty of distressing scenarios he could be potentially thrusted into. “You mean like… you want me to help you find him? Get him to drop hints about where he is, or- or asking him to go somewhere where you can set up a trap, or-” Izuku looked back up at the man, without bothering to conceal the pure terror that such prospects filled him with.

“What? No, of course not!” All Might exclaimed, surprised. “I mean, it isn’t out of discussion that we may try to actively lure him out at some point, but that would take extensive preparations and precautions on our part. We’d need to gather more intel and agents, recruit other heroes first… We definitely aren’t considering taking any such steps yet.”

“O-Oh… okay…” He let out the tiniest sigh of relief. No wild capers… for now...

“Besides, even if we were, we wouldn’t use a child as bait! Your mother would be much more suited to assist us. Any request from her would have more sway on your father, and she would handle the pressure much better.”

“So… what do you want me to do then?”

All Might shrugged. “Just keep up appearances. Continue having your monthly calls with him as if nothing happened, so as not to alert him that something might be wrong.”

That wasn’t that big of a demand, objectively speaking, but... it didn’t seem feasible either. Izuku’s grasp on his own emotions was tenuous at best at the moment, and his father had always been exceptionally perceptive to his state. He really didn’t think he could endure up to two hours of small talk about heroes, quirks, school and assorted pleasantries without having some sort of breakdown halfway through. Izuku gulped, bracing himself for the inevitable scolding of his cowardice.

“...I-I’m sorry, I’m not sure if I can do that.”

Surprisingly, All Might wasn’t put off in the slightest. “In that case, you could ask your mother to pretend you got hurt in some way that prevents you from speaking. Bad tooth, removed tonsils, broken jaw, you name it. That would earn you at least another month of silence and… hopefully the investigation will make some progress in that time, or you’ll grow used enough to the situation to face him with a cool head.”

That was a reasonable approach to the issue. It was a relief to know that someone else was putting some thinking into all this in Izuku’s place, now that his already flimsy decisional autonomy had stumbled into the metaphorical equivalent of a bear trap. “...I’ll think about it.”

“Thank you.” All Might nodded, strangely unperturbed by Izuku's less than proactive attitude. “Other than what I’ve mentioned, you will also be followed wherever you go whenever you aren’t at home or at school-”

“W-What?” Izuku instinctively glanced around, envisioning slow-moving cars or shady individuals with sunglasses and holed newspapers observing him from bushes.

The corners of All Might’s mouth twitched upwards. “You will not be aware of it, nor will anyone else, of course. It will have no actual impact on your daily life, like all the other measures we’ve already covered.”

“But why?” Izuku griped, his heart sinking so deep that it would soon pierce through the Earth’s mantle. “My father isn’t going to suddenly drop by to say hello, you just said so yourself!”

“It’s for your own protection too.” All traces of humor vanished instantly from the hero’s demeanor. “Your father is no stranger to violence. In the past, he has resorted to brutal and immoral means to dispose of his enemies, and... I’m sorry to say that he would not hesitate to employ such methods against his own family, if he deemed it a danger to his own safety.”

Izuku couldn’t hold back a little hysterical chuckle that sounded pitiful to his own ears. “That… sounds a bit exaggerated, doesn’t it? I-I get that he’s a bad guy, but… I really don’t think he’d do something like that to us. H-He’s never even raised his voice with me, never...”

“Midoriya. I beg you to believe me when I say that you can’t trust anything of what you think you know about your father.” All Might stopped to glare intently at a narrow, dingy alley littered with trash bags. “He is dangerous. Extraordinarily so. Tsukauchi is pushing for having further safety measures enforced for your family, and until those have been granted, please be very aware of your surroundings at all times. Refrain from taking unfamiliar routes, and stick to crowded areas whenever you can. I don’t want to scare you, but even having eyes on you at all times is no guarantee of a timely intervention, under unfavorable circumstances.”

“Is it… really that bad?” Izuku breathed, gutted by the unexpected harshness of the picture painted by All Might’s words. It was… inconceivable, still. His father, deliberately hurting him? His father, whose cutting sarcasm was just about the only vaguely hurtful trait Izuku had ever witnessed? His father, a hardened, soulless criminal averse to puns and All Might trivia, and yet always so willing to let Izuku torture him with both? His father, ambushing him from dark corners? “Is he really that bad?”

“Yes.”

“What did he…” Izuku started asking, only to trail off. It was a pointless question, with a clear answer. It had been buzzing in his head for the whole night, blindingly obvious by now. “...He steals quirks, doesn't he? That’s what he does. He... maims people for…”

“I’m afraid he isn’t nearly as conscientious as you in regards to-” All Might cut himself off with a visible flinch. “Wait, he told you about his quirk? You know it’s the same as yours?”

“Y-Yes.”

“You didn’t mention that to us.” Bright pinpricks of blue were suddenly trained on Izuku with piercing intensity. It kept catching him off guard, how both of the Symbol of Peace’s towering forms could switch from amicable to intimidating at the drop of a dime.

“I-I thought… He said it was a secret- one of his confidential matters. I’ve always thought he was some sort of… prison guard or undercover agent…” God, how unbelievably stupid it all sounded now. Izuku had never felt more childish.

“...That goes to show…” All Might mumbled, barely audibly. It unsettled Izuku. It went to show what? His father’s cunning? Izuku’s naivety? Or… surely not that he could be hiding something on purpose...

“I-I’m… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to… I had no idea how- how serious- I’d never-”

“Mh?” The hero blinked at him, as if emerging from a private musing. “Ah, I mean… There could be some merit to the other thing I wanted to ask of you.”

Izuku just waited, barely able to withstand the acuity of the hero’s gaze without shrinking. After a few tense moments, All Might let out a sigh and resumed walking, his eyes wandering back to the street ahead.

“To be frank… Personally, I don’t think we’re going to achieve much from all these investigations.” He grimaced, as if regretting those words as soon as they left his mouth. “Not for lack of trying, mind you. Tsukauchi is an immensely capable and dedicated officer, he’ll pursue each lead as thoroughly as humanly possible, but… Your father knows how to cover his tracks. Phone calls, payments, mail, blatant cues like those have never brought us close to him in the past, not once. To his associates, yes, to his… ‘aftermaths’, yes. But never to him personally. His circumstances were always shrouded in impenetrable security. I doubt this case will be any different.”

Buildings gave way to the open horizon. They had reached the end of the street, which merged into a largest road running along the coast. They crossed it, and kept going on the opposite sidewalk, looking down on a thin stretch of sand separating them from the sea.

“That said… he did leave one huge trail for us to find this time. A whole family, out in the open.” All Might’s eyes returned to the boy pensively. “A breakthrough like this, if you’ll pass me the term, is unprecedented. The most obvious leads could turn out to be dead ends, but maybe there is something to be found in the smaller things.”

“The smaller things?”

The man gestured vaguely. “He’s been talking to you, has he not? To you and your mother both, for over a decade. Not that often, but… hell, he even told you about his quirk, and one would expect him to be very tight-lipped about that. There might be more to dig up. Details he may have deemed unimportant, or accidentally let slip. Hints. Small things.”

Izuku was finally catching the drift. “I’m really sorry, but… I know you probably can’t take my word for it, but I really don’t know anything about what he does, or ever did. He never let anything slip about his… his ‘job’...”

“Of course not, that’s not what I’m referring to. The thing is…” The hero clucked his tongue in frustration. “We know so little about the man himself as well. His identity, his background, his history… We know next to nothing about him, and what little we do know, we were only able to discover through very unconventional means. If there’s a chance to glean one more shred of information hidden among the fabrications, I think it’s worth pursuing it.”

“So the police are going to question us about… fourteen years’ worth of chit-chats?” That seemed like a disproportionate endeavor for something as volatile as the possibility of parsing an ounce of truth. Exactly how desperate were they to catch this increasingly perplexing father of his?

“That’s the gist of it, yes. And ideally, we would like to interview you separately, to avoid that either of you could, ehr… inadvertently censor yourselves about information not known by the other-”

“Like my quirk. Or dad’s ‘activities’.“ Izuku muttered.

“...Yes. Things like those.” All Might paused, then cleared his throat. “Well… given the delicate nature of the case, we are trying to keep the workforce to a minimum, and involve as few people as possible. This ought to speed up coordination and briefing, as well reduce the risk of information leaks. Tsukauchi will be personally questioning your mother… as well as direct the entire operation. He’s quite the multitasker. And, well… since technically I’m already involved and up to speed and I won’t be contributing to the proper detective work in any capacity… we thought I might take care of hearing your side of the story.”

A little Oh was the whole extent of Izuku’s reaction as the hero’s words washed over him. All Might seemed a little discouraged by that.

“We figured it might put you a little more at ease… Talking with someone you’re already familiar with, instead of a brand new face. And, ehr… well, you mentioned being a fan, so…” He elaborated, his hands drawing half-formed shapes in the air to underline his words. He looked… almost nervous? “It’s just a possibility, of course. If you’d rather be entrusted to a proper member of the force, it’s well within your rights to request that.”

Izuku did not miss the underlying meaning of that winding speech. It was within his rights to request who he wanted to be interviewed by, not if.

“Do I even have a choice?” All Might’s guilty grimace was all the reply Izuku needed. “...No, sorry, I… That’s a stupid question. I’ve no reason to refuse either.” Surely not the faint sense of betrayal knocking on his conscience at that very moment. Could he even feel bad about betraying someone who’d never been honest with him in the first place?

“...I know it’s far from an enticing perspective.” All Might rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably. “It’s going to eat up a lot of your time, and people are never exactly eager to ‘snitch’ on relatives, even when they’re criminals. But I really think it could be of great help to us.”

So that was the role Izuku was going to have in this whole mess, that of a very oddly-shaped piece in a very complicated puzzle. It could be worse, he supposed. Being stuck in a room talking with the number one hero for hours could hardly be considered a real punishment. Were the topic of the conversation literally anything else, it’d be a dream coming true, even. He should push that angle on himself, Izuku pondered. Maybe he could talk himself into enjoying the whole thing, in some way.

“Since I’m no policeman, I’m amenable to reward you for the time and effort you’ll generously dedicate to the task with suitable bribing. I was thinking snacks, if that doesn’t come off as too cheap.” All Might continued with a tentative grin, although his attempt at levity didn’t stick the landing. “No? How about, ehr… All Might merch?” For some reason, his face scrunched up as if the suggestion physically pained him.

Izuku sighed. There was no point in fighting the inevitable, was there? “It’s fine. I’ll do it.”

“...Thank you, that is very good to hear.” All Might smiled with evident relief. He patted Izuku’s shoulder encouragingly. “I’ll say, you’re taking all this a lot better than I was expecting. For all the crying, you have quite the resilient attitude. Heroic, even!”

Izuku let out a half-choked sob. Oh. Oh, wow, that realization hurt. He hadn’t thought about that since… had it really only been a couple of days since making it into U.A. had been his biggest concern in life? And now…

“Ehr… Sorry, did I say something wrong?” All Might asked when faced with the new bout of tears streaming down the boy’s cheeks. Izuku shook his head.

“S-Sorry, it’s just… I-I guess that’s the closest I’ll ever get to becoming a hero now, uh?”

“What?”

“There’s no way they’ll let me anywhere near a hero course now, is there? My father told me it was basically impossible before, and now...”

“Your father told you that you couldn’t be a hero? Your father who is a villain?” All Might gave him a pointed look. “You may want to start reevaluating some of the nuggets of wisdom he’s been imparting on you in light of the new revelations, kid.”

“But he’s right, isn’t he?” Izuku griped. “It’s even worse now that he turned out to be a villain! A bad one too! Abusing the same overpowered quirk I have, it’s just… too great a bias, isn’t it?”

All Might seemed caught off guard, then he frowned and looked away without replying. There it was, the naked truth. Not even an attempt at a rebuttal. Out of discussion. Izuku’s dreams scattered to the wind, without hope of salvation.

“Y-You know, I actually thought… I could work my way around it.” Izuku continued among the sniffles, dropping his gaze to the ground. “I thought I could just pretend to be quirkless. F-For a while. Pass the test like that, make some friends, get… get trusted as a hero because of my work. A-and then, then one day, just… after everyone trusted me, I thought I could come out clean. And start using my quirk for good. I thought it could work. Get others to know me before my quirk. B-But it’s never going to happen now. The police know, the school will know.”

“...I must say that building your budding hero career on a lie isn’t the most solid plan I’ve ever heard.” There was no accusation in All Might’s tone, but his words still cut deep.

“I know…” Izuku bit his lip. He’d known, but what alternatives did he have?

“But I guess we can’t all carelessly parade our true selves before public scrutiny, can we?” The man sighed, scratching his own head. “You are right about one thing though. Actions do speak louder than words. You might not be able to talk your way out of your… delicate circumstances, but factual demonstrations of good intentions can go a long way.”

“That’s… That’s all I’m asking for!” Izuku’s head snapped up, desperately latching onto that single lifeline. “I would do whatever it takes to be allowed to try!”

“Well, I’d say you’re already on the right path then. Cooperating with the police is definitely a good step to establish good faith.” All Might flashed him a sheepish smile. ”...I’m not saying that just to grind my own axe, I swear.”

“Do you think it would be enough for U.A. to let me attempt the test?”

“You want to apply to U.A?” The hero seemed strangely surprised.

“Yeah. Is it… not a good idea?”

All Might took a few moments to reply. “...It might work in your favor, actually. U.A. is famous for the degree of self-determination afforded to its management by the government. If you’re worried about external interference, U.A. is your best bet to avoid it.”

A tiny, shy flicker of hope ignited in Izuku’s chest.

“...I’ve known the principal of U.A High School for a long time. He’s a bit of an eccentric, but one with an impeccable work ethic.” All Might resumed after a moment. “He’s not the kind of person to let unfair judgement undermine his institute. Especially if it prevented an aspiring hero he deems worthy from being appointed his student.”

“You mean that…?”

“I mean that if you do plan to apply to U.A. you could have a chance of making it in, regardless of your unfavorable background. If you pass the admission test, that is.” All Might suddenly stopped walking. “...What is this?”

Izuku blinked, ripped out of his thoughts, and took in the portion of the seafront they had reached. Wow, he really hadn’t been paying any attention to where they were going, had he? “...Oh. It’s, ehr… an illegal dumping site, I guess.”

“Really?” All Might commented, eyeing the sad, disregarded No Dumping sign welcoming its disobedient visitors.

“Yeah. The currents always bring flotsam to this area, so it was never clean in the first place. And then people started taking advantage of it…”

“And no one ever comes here to pick up any of this?” Strangely, the sight and the slight stench of mounds of rusting metal and assorted junk didn’t bother All Might, who climbed down the few steps separating the sidewalk from the beach.

“No, the city administration never took an interest. Everyone else just avoids this spot altogether. It’s been getting worse over the years.” Izuku had no idea why All Might was studying the piles of dismissed appliances as if they might hold some hidden treasures within, but he felt rather dumb for accidentally introducing this to the hero, of all places in Musutafu, as his first sightseeing landmark. “Sorry, I should have brought us somewhere else.”

“It’s fine.” Undaunted, All Might wandered deeply into the maze of refuse, with Izuku ruefully tagging along. “A safe, handy spot where a passing criminal in a hurry could stash some loot, don’t you think? Good to know.”

“Oh. I didn’t think about that.” Right. That was what it meant for a hero to know his turf, right? It went beyond street names and layouts. It meant to be aware of how each location could lend itself to certain criminal activities, what places could make for good improvised hideouts, where civilians were more or less likely to be gathered...

“How were you planning on passing the admission test?” All Might asked when they reached the water’s edge, eyes fixed on the waves crashing on the sand.

“Uhm. Well, I’ve already started reviewing the subjects listed in the syllabus…”

“I was referring to the practical session, actually.”

“Oh, uhm… Well, I tried looking for information about it online, but there doesn’t seem to be any. Apparently it’s U.A.’s policy to bind all participants to non-disclosure. They say that observing how potential candidates react to unexpected situations is part of the evaluation process, so…”

All Might looked at Izuku, his expression blank. “Yes. So?”

“Ehr.” Suddenly Izuku felt extremely on the spot. “W-Well, without knowing what I’m getting into, I don’t really have any specific strategies in mind.”

All Might cocked his head with a slight frown. “What about generic strategies? What skills were you going to capitalize on?”

“I… Well… I thought I’d just… try my best. Improvise and use my head.”

All Might blinked. “...That is what everyone else is going to do too. Except everyone else will also have a quirk to rely on, while you weren’t going to use yours. That’s a massive disadvantage right there.”

“Yes, I know.” Izuku clasped his hand behind his back in shame. That was an excellent point, one that somehow no one had ever raised with him. Everyone, including his father, instantly shot down his idea as soon it left his mouth. No one had ever asked him to elaborate on the practical details. Which he had sort of… failed to sort out so far.

“And you have no notion as to how to bridge that gap.”

“Not… not yet.”

All Might crossed his arms, sporting possibly the harshest expression Izuku had seen on him yet. It made his stomach lurch unpleasantly. “...Are you serious about this hero thing? Are you sure it isn’t just a passing fancy?”

“It isn’t! It absolutely isn’t!” Izuku answered immediately. “I just… I don’t even know if I’m allowed to bring any tools, or-”

“Tools?” All Might scoffed as he walked back to him and gave him a critical once-over. “Looks to me you already have all the tools you need, if you deigned to consider them.”

“Uh?”

“You have arms, don’t you? Hands. Legs. Arguably a head.” All Might poked at each listed limb with a bony finger as he started circling him like a starved shark. “All in working order, yes?”

“Y-Yes- I mean, I’m not ill or anything, but-”

“Then why aren’t you trying to capitalize on those? A quirk is an important part of a person, but it’s not the only one! You have a body, use it!”

“Ah, yes, I…” Izuku gulped. “It would make sense to, uh, try to get a little stronger, I guess…”

“You guess? ” All Might was reaching yet unexplored levels of visible exasperation, which was saying something considering the whole secret-villainous-father debacle. Izuku didn’t know if getting the number one hero so worked up about his little pipe dream should be considered flattering or shameful. “Being a hero isn’t a desk job! Running fast, lifting heavy weights, enduring fatigue are not optional skills! No matter what quirk they have, no hero worth their salt can neglect to keep in excellent shape!”

“R-Right. Of course. It’s just that, uh…” Izuku fidgeted. “I’m not really good at that sort of… physical stuff. I’ve always been a bit on the scrawny side, and I get tired easily, and I’m no good at brawling-”

“Despite training?”

“...I’ve never followed a proper training regimen, but…”

All Might rubbed his hands on his face. “Kid, unless they have a physical-enhancing quirk, people aren’t just born strong. They get strong by training - do I really have this state this out loud?”

Izuku was fairly sure his face was about to spontaneously combust. Of all the things he’d expected to happen in his near future, being scolded by All Might in person for his lack of commitment to physical activity was not one of them. “Y-You are right. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to… to disrespect you or your profession…”

“You didn’t, I was just… You seemed passionate about this two days ago...” All Might trailed off. “My point is that all the equity in the world won’t net you a place in U.A. if you don’t pass that test. And if you really are serious about raising your chances of becoming a hero, you have to give this some serious thought, and soon. You can cram months of study into weeks if you have the brains for it, but you cannot do the same with workouts.”

Izuku willed himself to hold his head up straighter. “I-I will. Thank you for your advice, it makes a lot of sense.”

The silence that descended between them was more than a little awkward.

“I’ve pestered you enough for today, haven’t I?” All Might eventually said as he took off towards the sidewalk. “Let’s go back.”

Izuku trailed behind the hero as they made their way among the waste, and almost bumped on him when he slowed to a stop to stare at a particularly high pile of contorted, rusty scraps.

“Is something wrong?”

“No, I was just thinking that… What I need is a quiet, lonely place to have some private chats with you, and what you need is a way to work up some muscle and rack up some good karma, right?” All Might scratched his chin as he scanned the heaps of trash hiding the rest of the city from view. “...Say, how do you feel about community service?”

#my hero academia #boku no hero academia #All Might #Toshinori Yagi #deku #izuku midoriya

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bisexual-inuyasha · 3 years

Text

While You Were Sleeping

When I’m around slow dancing in the dark,

Don’t follow me, you’ll end up in my arms,

You have made up your mind,

I don’t need no more signs.

-- SLOW DANCING IN THE DARK by Joji

Ed knew a secret.

And it would be a cold day in hell before he ever told anyone. And he knew a lot about hell. It was hot there.

Although, he was starting to reconsider. Maybe hell was here, in this cool fall forest, surrounded by the creek bed and small wildflowers of the countryside.

Maybe hell was the conversation he had with Li--Greed a couple of days into their little camping adventure.

“Hey, kid. Come here, I gotta discuss something with you.” Greed sat in a tree, which Ed wouldn’t be climbing any time soon with his wounds.

Ed continued adjusting the fire, trying to ignore the burning need he had to sleep. Sleeping led to nightmares, and nightmares led to waking in the darkness, and darkness led to flashbacks, and flashbacks led to endless pacing anxiety and he just couldn’t do it. Greed hopped down into the fire, and Ed didn’t hold back on cussing him.

“Hey, calm down. It’s not like I hurt him, or anything.”

“I almost had the fire perfect.” Ed tossed his charred stick to the side. “Now it’ll take forever to fix.”

“Look, I’m not joking. I need to talk to you.” Greed grabbed his arm. The grip was too strong, too unaware to be Ling. The dissonance made Ed bristle. “It’s about Ling.”

Ed didn’t like the way his heart stopped, his breath stilling in his lungs. “What about Ling? He’s not gone, is he?”

“I said I wanted to talk in private.”

“No, you didn’t.” Ed allowed himself to be dragged.

“It was implied.”

“Since when do you imply?” Ed just wanted to rest. Well, there were a lot of things he wanted. But Greed dragging him away wasn’t one of them.

“You wouldn’t be complaining if it were him, would you Ed?” Greed chuckled.

“Of course not. Ling is my friend,” Ed responded coolly. “So why don’t you let him out for a while?”

“He’s not a dog. I don’t have to let him out to mess in the yard.” Greed stopped, checking the area around him quickly. Heinkel and Darius didn’t trust Greed much. They’d notice Ed had gone missing pretty quickly. “But, we’ve discovered something.”

Ed pulled his arm away. “Look Greed. If you want me to give a shit, you’re going to have to let Ling tell me.”

“I don’t think so.” Greed ran his clawed hands through Ling’s hair. An odd, nervous habit for someone with more confidence than sense.

“Try me.” Ed was bluffing of course. One day, Ling would return to his body for good. When he did, he’d need a body to return to.

“Ling has to sleep.” Greed’s voice was flat. He wasn’t playing games. This wasn’t some coy trick or prank.

But, Fuhrer Bradley...

“I know you don’t have to sleep, Greed. You forget, I’ve dealt with homunculus before.” Ed relaxed. “I don’t know what you’re trying to pull--”

Hands--not clawed, but calloused--gripped his shoulders. “No, I really do--”

Ling stumbled. And this was Ling. His face had softened, his shoulders less tense and his expression less hungry. Ed would recognize him anywhere. Especially in his own face. He spent most of his day searching for that face.

“Ling!”

“I have to sleep.” Ling sagged against his arms. “My body is human, and my soul is still attached. If I stay up too much longer, I’ll…”

Ling didn’t finish the sentence, but he didn’t have to. “What do you need me to do?”

But there was no answer. Ling was already asleep.

And thus, Ed was thrown into hell. Now that he really thought about it, this was certainly hell.

Hell was watching Greed prance around all day, boasting of his grand plans, and then coming here at night, in this soft place, to watch Ling sleep. For Ling to be within arm's reach and still unreachable.

Ed still hadn’t figured out why he had to be here. Greed wouldn’t explain. Claimed Ling wouldn’t explain. “The prince probably doesn’t trust anybody. He has a lot of memories of people trying to kill him. It’s pretty fucked up in here, kid.” and then Greed tapped Ling’s head and turned away.

So Ed spent his watch here, far enough from camp Heinkel and Darius couldn't smell anything unusual but close enough they wouldn’t suspect Greed of running off. Though what Heinkel suspected was far worse than abandonment, Ed thought.

Worse so, because when Ed first started doing this, he was clear across the fucking creek. And then he’d figured he’d best sit at least near Ling, and now he’s here. And here, specifically, is actually hell. This specific position in this specific scenario.

Ling laid with his back against Ed’s leg. Not his metal one either. And the man was not a sound sleeper. Nor a still one.

Worse, he wasn’t snoring.

Ling was whimpering.

And it was going to fucking break Edward Elric’s ears to hear it. And then Ed was going to break someone’s face. Probably Greed’s. Which would be hard, without breaking Ling’s.

His fingers buzzed with the need to reach out. Maybe if he just rubbed Ling’s shoulder.

The problem was Ed didn’t want to rub Ling’s shoulder to help him sleep. He wanted to wake the man up. He wanted to demand an answer for why he thought it was ok to leave like this. He wanted to vent about how Al was missing. He wanted to smooth away the desperate worry he saw on Ling’s face every night before he passed out.

But no, stroking Ling’s shoulder to help him sleep better was not what Ed wanted to do. Maybe that was Ed’s own selfishness. A selfishness that only ever seemed to apply to the Xingese prince. Ed always did have big aspirations.

Ling shifted in his sleep, his ultimate shield creeping up his arms and neck. This happened occasionally. Whatever Ling was dreaming of would become too much, and the ultimate shield would activate. He didn’t know if it was Greed reacting to Ling’s emotional state or if Ling had some measure of control over Greed’s power while he was free.

Ed gave a big, put upon sigh and reached out. His hand brushed against Ling’s shirt. “Hey now, calm down. You’re supposed to be resting.”

Ling, being still asleep, did not respond. The ultimate shield creeped further.

Ed sighed again, though less dramatically. “You know, I hate this.”

Ed reached out again, but this time he bypassed the shoulder. His mother used to do something for him when he was younger. Something that would ease his fears of his father, of the uncertainty of her illness. He plucked the white ribbon from Ling’s hair until the ponytail was let loose. Black hair rippled into the grass, spilling between the blades like a black river.

“I’ve wondered about this.” And then Ed just started talking, pulling his fingers through Ling’s hair. He told Ling about Al missing, and the growing restlessness that people were going to get hurt in a plot that seemed bigger than anything Ed had ever dealt with. And all the while, he ran his fingers through Ling’s hair, tracing small circles on his scalp, being gentle so as not to create tangles. The hair was as soft, as smooth and cool as Ed had imagined.

It was embarrassing how much he’d imagined it in the time since he first ran into Ling.

For the first time since Ed started keeping watch, Ling didn’t toss and turn any more. His arms and neck were free.

And now, Ed thought maybe he knew why he was sitting here.

At some point in the night, Ed must have fallen asleep, because he woke up with Greed laughing in his ear. Luckily, he was still sitting up, so he hadn’t done anything weird, like cuddling Ling or something.

“Ling slept well last night.” Greed laughed again. “He had such sweet little dreams.”

Ed shoved at Greed’s face. “And those dreams are none of my business. You talk too much, Greed.”

And still, Ed grew restless. He caught himself staring at the sky, watching the clouds drift by and wondering how long until the night fell. Every minute felt like hours, until the sun set. The sky was still striped with pink when Ed started packing up his stuff for the night.

“Everything ok, Ed?” Heinkel huffed. “You look like you’re waiting on something.”

“I’m just tired.” Ed made a show of a big yawn.

“Well, with the way you and that Prince of yours keep wandering off, it’s no wonder you’re not getting any sleep.” Darius said it smoothly, not even looking at Ed. But the way Heinkel grinned, Ed knew it was a purposeful dig.

“It’s Greed in that body, not Ling. Or haven’t you heard.” No one pointed out he hadn’t denied the ‘your’ part of the assertion. It didn’t matter. They were only teasing him.

And then the night was upon him. Heinkel and Darius set up to doze.

Ed headed to their usual spot. There was even a dip in the ground from where Ling crushed the grass.

And Ling was standing by the creek bed, bending the stems of flowers.

“You’re already out.” Ed was surprised. Usually Greed laid down and Ling switched over, already struggling to keep his eyes open.

“Sleep has been helping.” Ling plucked one of the ruined flowers and tossed it in the water. “I’m feeling less thin.”

“Glad I could help.” Ed looked down at his hand, and remembered the slide of silky black hair between his fingers. “Does that mean you won’t need to sleep for a while?”

Ling turned to look at him, a grin on his face. “Oh, let’s not get too hasty now, Ed. I can’t let myself get worn out again, can I? Can’t rule over Xing if I’m just one of thousands of souls in the Greed soup.”

Ed shuddered. “Never refer to it like that again.”

Ling laughed and it was such a different laugh from the one Greed tossed around that it caught Ed’s breath. “I’m still tired, but I’ve missed talking to… well, talking to anyone, really.”

Ed chuckled, but it was weak. “Gee, I’ve missed you, too.”

Ling’s smile faded. “Don’t misunderstand me. It couldn’t have been anyone but you. Thank you, Ed.”

The mood was too serious, and Ed had a feeling it was his fault somehow. “So, how long are you awake today?”

“Not much longer.” Ling hesitated, pulling the white ribbon from his hair. “In case you want to touch it again. You can, you know. I didn’t mind.”

Well, of course he knew about that. He probably had to put his hair back up in the morning. Ed wanted to die. His face felt like it would burn off. Or maybe melt. Whatever happened to a blush so deep it threatened to become permanent.

“I can, if you’d like. My mother used to do it for me when I had bad dreams.” Ed sat down beside the spot Ling slept in. This was where he’d gotten used to spending his nights.

“And what did baby Ed have to be afraid of?” Ling lay down, careful not to outright touch Ed, but facing him now. They were close. Ling already sounded tired.

“My father coming back. My father never coming back. My mother’s illness getting so bad she couldn’t be a mom any more.” Ed leaned back, staring up at the sky. A few stars began to twinkle out.

“My mom died when I was young too, you know.” Ling yawned. His hand slid across the grass, reaching up to rest on Ed’s thigh. “She told me I was the emperor’s son and three days later, a boy twice my age killed her in her sleep. She was in my room, sleeping for the night.”

Ed didn’t know what to say. His mother’s death had been traumatic. She’d died sick, and alone, leaving her sons with no one. But she hadn’t been murdered by someone trying to kill him.

“It’s ok. No one knows what to say. I’m sure you’re used to that, too.” Ling squeezed.

“She loved you.”

“Yes, and then she died.” Ling’s hand went limp on his leg.

Tonight when Ed told stories, they were of happier times. He told the sleeping Ling about his mother’s rice and eggs, and the way she’d make the sausages look like little creatures until the time Al cried because he didn’t want to kill the octopus sausage. He told him about the fight he and Al had over Winry, and how he’d been relieved Al won because Al always seemed so enamored with her.

Ling’s face remained impassive. And honestly, Ed didn’t know how this worked. Maybe Greed still heard everything he said. Maybe Ling heard it too. But oh well. Equivalent exchange meant Ed had to replace Ling’s bad memories with good ones. He only had his own to offer. And tonight, the ultimate shield didn’t return.

In the morning, Greed didn’t wake him up with taunting. The homunculus was gone, already rousing the chimeras. He’d left his jacket behind, draped over Ed.

“Hey kid.” Greed’s clawed hand grabbed his shoulder. “Don’t get too attached. Most souls don’t last too long.”

“Then let him go. He’s supposed to be your friend, right?”

Greed didn’t answer. The frown on Ling’s face was unpleasant. Unnatural on a face that smiled so much.

The day dragged on. Now that he had the possibility of talking with Ling again--someone who knew him, truly--he was practically bouncing with energy. Without any way to express it, it just came across as irritability.

Heinkel and Darius were both done with his impatience by the time the night fell. This night, they’d found an abandoned cabin to stay in. Ed felt abandoned was a strong word for “not currently occupied” but Greed had just shouted “abandoned!” again and broke the door down.

Which meant they didn’t have a door, but Ed was able to fix that.

It was harder now to find a way to be discreet about Ling taking time in the night to rest from being in the homunculus. There was only one room, and Heinkel and Darius both insisted on sleeping in the living room. “Just in case,” they’d said. Ed knew it was really that they were too big for the bed.

“Well, I guess it’s good I’m Greed, because I have no problem taking the only bed.” Greed laughed.

“I thought you didn’t need a bed.” Heinkel didn’t look up from his book.

“Not everyone uses beds for sleeping, buddy.”

Heinkel still didn’t look up, but now he was reading the book with wide eyes and a tight grip.

“I don’t know what the fuck you think you’re saying, but you better fucking unsay it,” Ed hissed, and Greed only shrugged, laughed, and headed into the room. Ed shouted after him, “You better unsay it you dirty fucking homunculus!”

But the room was silent. Heinkel raised an eyebrow. “Don’t worry Ed, we know you two haven’t actually… you know.”

“Yeah. I mean, we are chimera. We’d know.” Darius was scrounging around in the pantry, dragging out every can of food he could find. “He’s just fucking around.”

Ed wanted to die. Again.

“I’m still going to go kick his ass.” Ed stomped back to the room and slammed the door shut. He may have overdone it. A few dirt clods fell from the ceiling. Maybe he really should just kick Greed’s ass.

He turned to do exactly that and found Ling, sitting on the bed with his legs criss crossed, grinning. “I told him that would rile you up. You’ve been worried about it since you started disappearing into the woods with me every night.”

“I mean, Greed doesn’t help.”

“You think he’s bad out there, imagine living with him up here.” Ling tapped his forehead.

“I don’t know how you do it.”

“It’s not so bad. Most of the time he’s pretty good company. Like a little brother or something.” Ling smiled again but it was strained.

“What’s the matter?”

“Nothing. Aren’t you tired?” Ling gestured to the bed. “I could take a turn. Let you sleep for a while first.”

“You’re sleeping so you don’t disappear into a sea of souls.”

“And you’re resting to preserve Al’s body and so you don’t, you know, die.”

“People don’t die from not sleeping, Ling.” Which wasn’t true, he knew. And Ling knew. But he’d been chosen for this job, not the other way around. “Go to sleep. I’ll keep you safe out here.”

The words had slipped out, without Ed really thinking about them. He paled, and hoped Ling didn’t really catch it. The room had a single chair. Ed flopped down in it and crossed his arms, looking sideways at Ling.

The grin on Ling’s face let him know he’d been heard. “Oh, Ed. I didn’t know you cared so much.”

“Sure. That’s why you asked me to do this.” Ed looked at his lap, considering how he’d possibly make it out of this room.

“I asked you to do this because I trust you.” Ling leaned forward, stretching his arm across the bed. He stretched out his hand in offering. “Because I knew you’d understand.”

Ed accepted Ling’s hand. He sat on the bed, and Ling arranged himself around Ed’s lap. It was the closest they’d slept. Ling’s face buried in Ed’s thigh, his arms wrapped strongly around Ed’s calf. Before Ed could ask if this was really how he wanted to sleep, Ling was out.

Ed wanted to tell Ling stories, but the truth was, he was tired. It was all he could do just to keep his eyes open while he pulled his fingers through Ling’s hair. And then, at some point, he just wasn’t awake any more.

Heinkel and Darius were not quiet with their laughter in the morning.

#Edling #Edward Elric #Ling Yao #The Camping Trip #Ling needs sleep #because he's still a human with an attached human soul #but he can't just sleep unguarded

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himbeaux-on-ice · 3 years

Note

Hello! I was wondering if you could please explain to me what Robin Lehner said yesterday about vaccination and competitive edge? English isn't my 1st language and from what I gathered NHL and PA promised VGK that if they get vaccinated the restrictions on them will lessen and they can freely leave their houses. And when they players got vaccines, NHL changed their promise and said players can't do that until all of the teams across the league are evenly vaccinated (shitty move from NHL, 1/2

2/2 as always). But what did Robin mean talking about competitive edge? I rewatched the video 3 times and I still don't understand :( Did the league make it a competition between the teams? "The sooner you all get vaccinated, the sooner there'll be no resctions on you?" I hope, I'm not completely missing the point, sorry about that. Big respect for Robin for speaking up and calling out the league. I'm really happy seeing players speaking up for themselves and their teams

Hi anon! I’ve spoken about this already a bit here and here, in case you haven’t seen those yet and think they might answer some of your questions. But I’m happy to elaborate further! I hope I can clear this up for you.

First, just as a note: Right now it doesn’t seem to exactly be clear what the NHL and NHLPA did or didn’t promise players in terms of easing restrictions, but it seems like Lehner was definitely given the impression by somebody that a team getting fully or mostly vaccinated was the ticket to not being under such strict isolation. The NHL for their part seems to be claiming they promised no such thing, but it’s hard to know right now whether that’s just them covering ass, or if there was just a misunderstanding somewhere in which what they actually said was not fully clear to the players. [Elliotte Friedman voice] More news may be yet to come on this.

Right. So as far as “competitive edge” goes, I can definitely explain that. You’re only a little off the mark. What he means in this case is that the NHL is concerned that letting more fully vaccinated teams live under a less intensely restrictive set of internal rules (regarding things like dining together, exercising together, sitting next to each other on planes and busses, having more group off-ice social time, sharing hotel rooms, having in-person coaching meetings again, etc) will lead to that group having an on-ice advantage in their play over other teams who are less vaccinated and still have to live under full restrictions.

Because the NHL is intensely obsessed with “parity of sport” (trying to make the conditions of competition the same for all teams regardless of outside factors wherever possible), they always in as many situations as possible want to eliminate any potential leg up one team could have over others. This is why we have things like the salary cap, rules about scouting players, rules about how draft picks are distributed that try to make sure struggling teams have a chance to draft well, rules against signing your best players for 20-year contracts so nobody else can have them, etc.

In general theory, being parity-oriented is good! It aims to make sure that the success of teams on the ice and in the standings is determined by the hockey play/skill alone as much as possible, not by franchise wealth or other things they did to get an unfair jump on the competition. And that should make the games more fun and less boring/predictable in most cases! As far as sports leagues go, the NHL has pretty good parity of play overall — there are only a few REALLY good teams and only a few REALLY bad ones, and everybody else performs within a pretty similar range most years. This is why back-to-back Cup wins are so rare in the current era, because due to all the rules to enforce parity there are relatively few teams that are THAT dominant over the competition for a long stretch of multiple seasons in a row, and the odds of any given team winning each year are much more similar. (As compared to like that period in the late 70’s when it was like “who won the Cup? oh surprise surprise it’s the Habs AGAIN 🙄” lol).

However, sometimes the NHL gets unrealistic in its pursuit of making sure everything is exactly the same for all teams. We’ve seen it already this season with the stubborn insistence on making sure the Canucks play a full 56 game season like everybody else, regardless of whether it is safe or reasonable to do so in the time they have left.

This time, the fixation on parity seems to be rearing its head in the form of the League insisting that even if a team has most or all of their players and staff vaccinated, they still have to maintain the same intense restrictions within team spaces as other teams which may be WAY further behind in getting everyone vaccinated, rather than getting to benefit from the lowered risk that being thoroughly vaccinated brings within a closed group like that. And they seem to be insisting on this not because it would be unsafe to change things for vaccinated teams, but rather because of concern that doing so might make that team perform better as a hockey team.

That’s the key part here: The NHL seems to consider getting to (safely) return to a mode of team life that is somewhat more similar to what these guys have been habitually used to pre-pandemic, to be something that could translate into an unfair on-ice advantage in the quality of their play, over other teams who are still doing it all “the hard way” under strict restrictions because they haven’t been vaccinated yet. And because of trying for parity, they want avoid giving teams that “advantage” by basing restriction changes around each team’s individual situation, and instead plan to ease restrictions for all teams at the same time at some point once all teams are similar levels of vaccinated.

Now, US teams seem to be getting vaccinated faster and faster every day, but Canadian teams probably have not started vaccinating their players or any team employees under age 50 at all yet, because Canada’s vaccination process has been painfully slow. So waiting on them to catch up could leave US teams who are already mostly/fully vaccinated still stuck in those restrictive mentally draining conditions for quite some time before the other teams catch up — again, not because it isn’t COVID safe to ease their restrictions if done properly (that doesn’t seem to be a problem), but because the League sees the improvements to their mental state and team morale/cohesion that would come from living a less restricted life together and getting to return to familiar off-ice hockey routines as gaining a “competitive edge” over unvaccinated teams, which would lead to them playing better hockey to a level that can’t be matched as a result.

Which, Lehner is right, is a pretty fucked up way to look at it! “It’s an unfair advantage for you to not be miserably alone and depressed by that and frustrated and doing everything with 16 extra steps you’re still not used to, it’s an unfair advantage to get to actually act like a team off the ice when playing a team sport, so no, we’re not gonna let you eat lunch together or share hotel rooms or whatever” is not exactly a compassionate argument!

Anon I’m also really glad Robin said something about it, and I was glad to see VGK captain Mark Stone put full and vocal team support behind him when asked about it last night on the broadcast too. The mental price of these intense restrictions is something that has been weighing on my mind ever since I first heard they would have to spend all their time on the road locked in hotel rooms alone when not playing and thought “oh god, five months of that is going to be psychologically devastating”. It’s a relief to hear it acknowledged.

I’m not fully sure what the best solution is here, but that mental wellbeing factor absolutely must be discussed in all decisions. It would be fucked up if the League is treating that as something purely technical to be controlled like the salary cap, rather than as a key determinant of health and life (in the short and long term) that is just as important as COVID safety. The old hockey culture of “just suck it up” cannot cut it anymore.

Aside: I think it’s also worth mentioning while we’re here, that I think I do understand why players may be angry about have been talked into getting the vaccine because they thought it would lead to eased personal restrictions, and why I don’t believe that anger necessarily represents an “anti-vaxx” mindset. There are reasons they may not have planned on getting vaccinated just yet which aren’t necessarily “anti-vaxx” cult thinking (though that doesn’t mean they’re smart reasons lol) and would likely seem reasonable to players in-context. I’m gonna put that under a cut though bc this is already really long!

First, there’s the fact that we don’t know what medical conditions some players may or may not have which could make them hesitant to get some of the vaccines out of an abundance of caution. More prominently you also gotta remember, these guys are athletes currently competing their way through an extremely intense and extremely important part of the season as they try to secure playoff spots, playing sometimes as many as 4 games a week. Looking at it that way, it’s understandable why some of them would be hesitant about getting a shot at this particular time which we all know is going to whammy you with a nasty little bout of mild-moderate side effects that hit you like a bad cold for as much as a week. They probably don’t feel they can afford to be laid up with muscle aches, sinus suffering, fatigue, and all the other little fun (and eventually harmless in the end!) things that your body runs through while activating that initial immune response — because in the couple of days that it throws them off for, their team could play 3 or more REALLY important playoff-clinching games, which they could end up underperforming in or having to sit out.

If that is the situation you’re in, and you already feel like the current League restrictions are doing enough to protect you, you can see why you would say “I think I’ll wait and get it during the offseason/during the week break between regular season and playoffs, and just suck it up for these last few weeks dealing with the same ol lonely isolation restrictions I’ve already gotten used to dealing with all season long, rather than be hit with that curveball of possible temporary vaccine side-effects during this time when I need to give it my all every game.” That may sound like a selfish mindset, but I wouldn’t be surprised if that is how at least some of these athletes are approaching it, especially ones who may be single guys without families at home to worry about protecting. (Lehner, for the record, has a wife and two young kids).

BUT, if the League told you (or it sounded like the League told you) “Hey, if enough of your team gets vaccinated quickly, we’ll be able to lift some of the internal restrictions for you guys and let you like hang out and do stuff together within the team again”, and if you were REALLY struggling with the mental stress of that isolated living style, you might weigh the two options against each other and say “Okay, I’m willing to power through a week of potential side-effects and get vaccinated with the fellas if it means I won’t have to be so goddamn miserable and depressed every day.” and then you get the shot(s).

And if you did that, and THEN the League said “lol no, even though your team is fully immunized you still have to sit in your room alone every night and eat by yourself and not leave your house, because it’s not fair to other teams if you guys are no longer mentally miserable like them”, well now you find yourself in the worst of both worlds — still stuck in isolation, AND you’ve still got to play through all the potential vaccine side-effects that will leave you a little off your game during some of the most crucial games of the year.

Plus, that leaves you not feeling like you got to give informed consent — you agreed to get vaccinated (ie undergo a medical treatment) under the expectation that there would be certain rewards to be gained in terms of relief for your mental health, which made you decide it was worth the potential dent in your performance for a few games and any other worries you had about the vaccine, because the prospect of that relief was so worth it. And now, you are told by the League “that payoff you expected never existed, we never promised that, what are you talking about? we can’t change things for your mental health because that might make you better at hockey than the depressed unvaccinated teams”. I can understand how that turn of events could leave someone, as Robin expressed, feeling like they were “tricked” or “forced” into making a choice that they may have done differently otherwise. They felt that they were promised something in return that they didn’t get.

Note at the end of all this: Again, we still don’t know whether the NHL and NHLPA actually made any promises, or if they simply weren’t clear enough in communicating expectations to teams and the players misunderstood what was said to mean something else. Regardless, using the idea that being freed from having to be miserably isolated to an even greater degree than most of the US general public is an “unfair competitive advantage” to now justify not allowing reasonable adjustments to the restrictions for fully vaccinated teams is fucked up, and treats mental wellbeing as just another gameplay-impacting factor to be controlled rather than a deeply impactful part of a person’s overall wellbeing which can even threaten their life. The players must be treated as people.

#long post #asks #anon #robin lehner #vegas golden knights #covid 19 #nhl #hockey

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intheseautumnhands · 3 years

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Sorting The Last 5 Years

Hello I’m back with yet more tiny fandom sorting because I have Thoughts and also, Feelings. Let’s talk about The Last 5 Years, which has ranked consistently among my favorite all-time musicals for so very, very long, and has such great characters for dissecting.

First some brief housekeeping: This is based specifically off the script for the stage show, and the cast recording version by Norbert Leo Butz and Sherie Rene Scott in 2002. I have not been lucky enough to see this live. I also promise no consistency with the movie because I just... nope, sorry, don’t like it. I think I remember things being consistent enough that this’d probably be good for both, but I’m not gonna try to include movie-based thoughts.

Second: I am not purposefully getting into the great “who was at fault” debate but I think my thoughts on them as characters makes it clear that I think both of them have flaws, and that while Jamie crossed a lot more lines at the end, neither of them are blameless for the relationship’s issues. SHC is always kinda YMMV, but even moreso than usually, if you’re really biased towards one side or the other, we probably read these characters very differently. Which is cool and I’d love to hear other opinions! But I will not be surprised if we disagree somewhere along the line.

I’m going to do this slightly different than usual -- since we’ve only got two characters to talk about, and I want to discuss how their houses bounce off each other, I’m going to go by house instead of discussing by character. In addition, I’m going to go Secondary first, because I have a lot I want to say about their Primaries.

Secondaries

In his second song of the show, Jamie tells us exactly how he approaches life:

But I say no, no, whatever I do I barrel on through, and I don’t complain No matter what I try, I’m flying full speed ahead.... Things might get bumpy, but Some people analyze every details Some people stall when they can’t see the trail Some people freeze out of fear that they’ll fail But I keep rolling on

If I had to pull out one singular moment to crystallize how he approaches things, that’d be it. Jamie doesn’t bother to stop and consider or change his approach. He sees what he wants, and he goes for it, and he’s lucky enough that that works out really, really well for him. And even when it’s a response to hardship, that’s still his approach. Just look at I Could Never Rescue You: so we could fight, or we could wait, or I could go. He decides there’s nothing else worth trying, calls someone else to help him leave, and goes.

Even when it’s not the best idea right now, when tempering what he has to say might help him get what he wants (If I Didn’t Believe In You) he doesn’t do it. Jamie charges, he’s stubborn, he’s set on what he wants -- he’s a pretty intense Lion, in other words.

Cathy tries to go after what she wants, too, but she ends up with several more obstacles in her way. While a lot of that is luck of the draw, she’s also a little more hesitant overall. Look at her running internal monologue throughout Climbing Uphill, second-guessing every decision (why’d I pick these shoes, why’d I pick this song, why’d I pick this career). In The Schmuel Song Jamie alludes to the same hesitance: maybe it’s just that you’re afraid to go out onto a limb(-o-vitch), maybe your heart’s completely swayed but your head can’t follow through.

She comes off as having that preparedness of a foundational Secondary -- I don’t see any hints of the breathless charge and certainty of a Lion, or the adaptability of a Snake. I honestly think either Bird or Badger would be suitable for her, and could easily be played into in either direction depending on small acting choices.

Absent of other interpretations, I’m going to lean Bird, off that line from Jamie above and some of the little nuances of Sherie’s performances. There’s a lot of frustration that this all isn’t coming more easily that, while it probably has a lot to do with how easily things have come to Jamie, also leans me away from Badger a little bit; but she’s clearly not unwilling to put in the work, and I could absolutely see that interpretation working just as well.

Primaries

Interestingly, Cathy is outright stated as having the traditional Snake-y trait: don’t you think that now’s a good time to be the ambitious freak you are? That’s not why I’m going to say that Cathy’s a Snake Primary, and Jamie’s clearly got ambitions too, but it does make me smile a little.

Loyalist Cathy’s earliest (timeline-wise) songs are so full of Snake wrap-myself-up-in-my-favorite-person sentiments and lines. Goodbye until tomorrow, goodbye until the rest of my life, and I have been waiting, I have been waiting for you. You don’t have to change a thing, just stay with me. I want you and you and nothing but you, miles and piles of you. I don’t mean to put on any pressure, but I know when a thing is right. Once Jamie’s in her life, that’s it, he’s a priority. It is heartbreaking to go back over this show and realize how much more of what Cathy says is directly about Jamie than the other way around.

Even later on, after we get the first tiny signs of tension, it’s still there. In The Next Ten Minutes: I don’t know why people run, I don’t know why things fall through, I don’t know how anybody survives in this life without someone like you. I could protect and preserve, I could say no and good bye -- but why, Jamie, why? In Summer in Ohio: I found my guiding light, I tell the stars each night, look at me, look at him -- son of a bitch, I guess I’m doing something right.

It’s not even the first time she’s done this. In I Can Do Better Than That, she talks about a previous relationship in the same terms: I gave up my life for the better part of a year. When Cathy gets serious about someone, she makes them her priority,

And that’s what she gets, until that’s all she has, and she lashes out with the exact same thing she wanted at the beginning: you and you, and nothing but you, miles and piles of you. And I don’t think it’s because she didn’t actually want it. It’s because she thought it would be less one-sided.

Because idealist Jamie does put her high in his priorities, but he doesn’t put her first in the same, fixated way. Jamie’s instinctual and set-on-his-decisions Lion Primary chafes against Cathy’s expectation that he’ll put her above what he wants, fed into by that charging, bold instinct from his Secondary.

Which is not to say that Cathy isn’t important to Jamie. But the downfall in their relationship is that what that looks like is so different between the two of them, and they never figure out how to meet middle ground. They’re both unreliable, biased narrators in this story, and neither of them see what the other needs.

A while back, I talked about how different Primaries love. Jamie and Cathy could be case studies in what I said there, and especially in how that love can go bad.

Lion Jamie sees that they both have big dreams, and encourages Cathy to push her way forward on her dreams: Shouldn’t I want the world to see the brilliant girl who inspired me?... Stop temping, and go and be happy! He uses the thing that is most important to him -- his writing -- to encourage her, show her that he sees her hesitance and he believes in her. And when they’re having problems, he puts the blame on how her dreams are going first: Is it just that you’re disappointed to be touring again for the summer? Did you think this would all be much easier than it’s turned out to be?

And that’s where we get, I think, one of the biggest highlights of how they misunderstand each other: If I’m cheering on your side, Cathy, why can’t you support mine? Cathy feels unsupported, Cathy feels like everything has become all about Jamie -- but Jamie feels the same way. The kind of support they need is different, and neither of them see it.

(Even at the height of their love story, the one moment they’re at the same page, The Next Ten Minutes, it says so much to me that Jamie keeps getting these lines about a bigger picture that he and Cathy are just part of: there are so many dreams I need to see with you -- not dreams about them, dreams they can see come true together. I will never change the world, until, I do.)

And Jamie withdraws, and takes her more and more for granted, and steamrolls over her both accidentally -- A Part of That, and Cathy’s fierce declaration of I will not be the girl who gets asked how it feels to be trotting along at the genius’ heels getting disproven in front of her eyes -- and then purposefully, when he decides it’s time to stop trying.

Meanwhile, Snake Cathy sees that as the betrayal. She puts him first, makes him the priority, and when she doesn’t get that in return, she sees it as everything being about Jamie instead of the balance being equal. Fed into by her own ambitions going unfulfilled despite her own best efforts, she clings tighter, until he feels suffocated by it: all that I ask for is one little corner, one private room at the back of my heart, tell her I found one, she sends out battalions to claim it and blow it apart.

Until Jamie leaves, and Cathy is left bitter by it: Jamie is probably feeling just fine. Jamie decides it’s his right to decide. Run away, like it’s simple, like it’s right. Because to her steady, solid foundational Secondary and person-focused Snake, Jamie’s impulsive choice and quick action is cowardice at best, proof he doesn’t care as much at worst.

In summary:

Cathy Hiatt is a Snake Primary/foundational Secondary, either works with the text, but based on OCR, likely Bird.

Jamie Wellerstein is a Double Lion.

And Cathy’s person-first version of support VS Jamie’s dreams-first version of support, and their lack of understanding what each other is trying to provide and needs to recieve, is the entire crux of why their relationship fails, with some help from their uneven amounts of luck in their dream careers.

#sorting hat chats #Sortinghatchats #the last 5 years #the last five years #it is truly ridiculous how much of this is just me straight-up quoting lyrics with nothing else to add #which ALMOST makes me feel less ridiculous about it being almost 1500 words #if you read all that you get a cookie #i am SURE other people could read them totally differently #but that's theater for you!

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