#had a lot of feelings of inferiority growing up and like not feeling worthy ever sooooooo it hurts + the humiliation her ex-husband put her | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

clouddd-hannn · 3 years

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I GOT JEALOUS —Kim Younghoon

Day O5. Kim Younghoon x M!Reader — Jealous sex

COUPLE: Kim Younghoon x M!Reader

GENRE: Fluff, Angst, Smut

ADDITIONAL WARNINGS: Noncon (if you are uncomfy, you can leave. I REPEAT, LEAVE !), bondage, face and ass slapping, degradation, feminization kink (use of "pussy" and "cunt"), hard to very soft sex immediately, cockwarming, frotting

SUMMARY: You were the well-known prince of the school and Younghoon was your partner and watching you cling onto another guy has made him see red

[P.S IM SUCH A SIMP FOR YOUNGHOON SKSKSKSK]

In some instances, a group of students or a particular individual would often glare at a person or despise them with all that they can since they couldn't grow accustomed to the treatment this person receives from other students due to insecurities or for some because they were just keeping up with the rumors that's supposedly happening behind the person's back. But, in your case, nobody saw you as a person they'd be insecure about or feel inferior.

Maybe it was your kind nature that not even one had the reason to bottle up or build any form of anger towards you, rather they found you sweet and gentle. Like a cherry blossom petal that falls slowly to the ground after it blooms making everything seem so pretty around you. Or maybe it was your friendliness that made it easy for everyone to approach you. Either way, they liked you for you. And even though this was a treatment only you received, you never abused the way they treated you and stayed humble.

Too humble, that you dated the infamous Kim Younghoon or as students may call him 'The Handsome Loner'. Everytime he passed by, he would always gain unwanted attention, hearing a strip of their conversation with every words hitting him like a truck to the chest.

"He doesn't look like a good pair with M/N."

"I know right? M/N might have just felt pity for him because he was always alone."

"I think so, too."

Gossips like these would always be the ones to enter his ears, but after a year of you two dating he got used to these, but that didn't mean he never thought of himself as a worthy lover. Sure, you'd always tell him that all of those nonsense he heard was not true and you reassure him by giving him a blow—I mean, a kiss on his lips and you always find time for him even when you're busy.

You two first started out as strangers, obviously, wherein Younghoon was a new student and always pushed you away or plainly never acknowledged your presence whenever you tried to get his attention or decide to eat lunch with him. To some, it looked a little too hopeless judging from the actions you got from the year older male, but to you, it was a lot more different. It just meeded a little push.

And so it went. You constantly bothering Younghoon with whatever he does, the latter only looking at you with despiteful eyes. "Oh, you love soccer? I love soccer! I'm a sucker for soccer!" You'd exclaim trying to spark up a conversation with the male, but he would only shrug you off.

With every chance you got, you'd always try to have a conversation with him. No matter how irrelevant it was. "I was like, 'wAhnG' and he was like, 'damn it, M/N. you beat me again'," you mimicked a deep voice with the last dialogue you made and laughed out loud, one eye opened to look for any reaction coming from Younghoon, but to no avail. "Hey, do you ever smile?"

"No."

You gasped and pointed at him, making him flinch with how loud your gasping was. "Oh my god! You... that was the longest conversation I had with you! OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD!!" You got an idea and took your phone out from your pocket. "I'm gonna mark this day important and name it 'The day Younghoon and I had our first conversation'," you chuckled and the older stifled a laugh, you catching it. "Oh? Was that a laugh I heard?"

Younghoon cleared his throat and shook his head. "Come on. I already heard you snorting. I know that was a laugh tryna break free," you stated, Younghoon just rolled his eyes at you and walked off.

And that's how your love story with Younghoon started. Though, unexpectedly Younghoon was the one who confessed his feelings to you when he gave you that bucket of cheese puffs, his love letter to you buried in the depths of the container. It took you a whole two days to find the letter inside it, since you ate the cheese flavored goody slowly not wanting it to just disappear just yet.

Once you were able to read it, the next morning at school, you ran to him calling out his name to everyone's surprise, but you could care less as you took Younghoon's cheeks and pulled him to a warm kiss on the lips that got Younghoon's eyes widening and everyone gasping. The moment you pulled away you smiled at him and stared at his eyes like they were the most beautiful thing in the world and said: "That kiss was a seal confirming I'm officially yours, Kim Younghoon."

At the thought, Younghoon chuckled before he saw your face peeking under his hung low face. "Oh, Hoonie. What's got you smiling?" You asked him and gave him a peck on his cheek. "Is it me? Was it me? Tell me, it's me."

"No."

You glared at him for the blunt reply you got from your boyfriend, narrowing your eyes at him like an observant hawk and crossed your arms as he looked up at you. "Bitch," you mumbled yet still audibly enough for the other to hear what you said, pouting after.

"You're bitch."

You were about to open your mouth in protest, but you closed them back knowing he was right. "Well..." you nodded your head and once the pout that you had on your lips never disappeared, he planted a kiss on your forehead and smiled.

"Don't be sad, M/N," Younghoon stated with a warm smile which made you smile as well, intertwining yourfingers together and squeezed them gently.

"Okay. I never took it to heart. Besides, I know how much you love me," you giggled before you two stood up and skipped along with him to his first class, unaware of the way Younghoon stared at you with adoring eyes. Cute. He thought as he plastered on a smile.

Well, that smile was wiped away once lunch break has come.

Here, Younghoon was staring daggers at your back once he saw you getting all clingy and smiley with another man who treated you like you were his to own. Damn, was he making a mistake for acting that way to you. It got Younghoon's blood boiling, his eyes darkening.

Feeling the stare behind you, your eyes met the male's who's eyes was full of rage and jealousy as you quickly removed your arms away from the male.

Younghoon sighed before he chuckled bitterly and left the cafeteria without uttering anything else. Feeling guilty, you followed after him, running towards him yet he was just so fast. Damn his long legs. You thought as you tried to locate your boyfriend from the crowd. "Hoonie, wait," you called out to him.

Not spotting him anywhere, you gave up and sat down on the ground, crying as you regret your mistake.

That same day, you tried to get a hold of Younghoon but he wasn't anywhere to be found, not even in the classes you both shared. Your eyes were all puffy and your nose runny, this was one of the moments that you didn't care about how your face looked in front of other students. You needed Younghoon.

-----

You wanted to have a talk with Younghoon, so here you were, facing the blue door of his dorm room, even if his dorm was at the highest floor. It was already dark and you were just wearing your pajamas, so without second guessing, you knocked on the door and waited for Younghoon to open the door.

"Coming," he shouted from the inside of his dorm, making you smile upon hearing his voice again. Ah, I think I've really fallen hard for Hoonie. You thought as you waited outside the door, shiveeing a little at the night's cold breeze. Soon, the doorknob began rattling and the door was opened, revealing Younghoon who only wore a tank top and a pair of boxers. "Who is.." he trailed off upon seeing your figure.

"Hey, Hoonie. I just wanted to talk with you, about what happened earlier. Please give me a chance," you stated with your eyes pleading, hands rubbing each other's palms as you looked up at the male. "You won't regret—woah!"

Suddenly, the other male had dragged you inside his room and closed the door shut, locking it soon after which made your heart beat unctrollably loud inside your ribcage. "You don't even know how I felt about it. Why were you even clinging to that guy?"

Younghoon glared down at you, with his strinkingly handsome face, being ruined by his deeply furrowed brows that indicated just how much he was mad at you. Was he disappointed in you? "He was just a friend, Hoon. Believe me. I wouldn't date anyone other than you."

"Did you just date me to make fun of me?" Younghoon immediately which made you widen your eyes in shock before shaking your head. "Then tell me the reason why...you looked as if you were in live with that guy."

You couldn't speak. You stood there, frozen in shock at how the male looked vulnerable. "Younghoon, look. I—"ii

"I've had enough of your bullshit excuses, M/N," the other male stated before he harshly held you wrist, making you wince, and dragged you towaeds his bed, pushing you down on the mattress as he got on top of you. "I'll make sure you won't forget about me, M/N."

Younghoon smirked as he got the handcuffs on his bedside table, but it was new. It wasn't the fluffy cuffs you and him usually played with. "Hoon-ah, you're not binding my hands together with a metal handcuff...are you?" You asked the male who shrugged in reply and nonetheless plced your hands on the headboard, cuffing them there. "B-But.."

"Shut up, bitch! You've had your fun, now I'll have mine," Younghoon stated with a growl, rage and lust evident in his eyes as he ripped open your pajama top, making you gasp as every single button popped out of it's sewn place. "I could, I'd mark you everywhere, every inch of your body if it means I get to keep you for my own."

As he began to roam his calloused hands against your bare torso, you couldn't help but shiver at how the cold air (from the air conditioner) hit your stomach. "H-Hoon-ah, we c-can still talk this out, right? We don't have to go to this extent. Maybe—"

"Silence, you fucktard!" Younghoon shouted at the top of his lungs and landed a harsh slap across your face, making you gasp as your head slowly turned to the side. The Younghoon you absolutely loved and adore would never do such a thing. This...this guy was violent. This isn't like Younghoon. Shit, I can't wait to fuckin' destroy your hole with my cock."

The thought of Younghoon fucking your ass with no remorse had you trembling in fear. Sure, he may have fucked you into oblivion countless of times but knowing that he'll ravage your body as if he was a beast hungry, awaiting to eat it's prey got your lips quivering in fear.

"Younghoon, you're not in your own mind. You're letting your anger get a hold of yourself," youstated as you tried to somehow breakfree from the cuffs, the jingling and scratching noises omly triggering the other male as he slapped your face once again. "Ow.."

"Don't try to fucking escape, M/N. You have no escape," he stated as he cupped your flat chest and begen playing with your pink buds, his knees trapping your kegs as you squirmed on the bed at thw sudden electrifying sensation. "Hm, I guess your nipples are still as sensitive as ever," he hummed in staisfaction, smirking as he looked down at your flushe dexpression. "You like this, don't you?"

"N-No..." you answered meekly as you turned your head away from the male.

"LOOK AT ME AND SAY YOU LIKE IT, BITCH!" Younghoon shouted as he used one hand to harshly grip on your cheeks, squishing them together as he forced you to look at him. "Say. It. M/N. You like this."

Having not much of a choice, you nodded as you uttered a small 'yes', the other male satisfied as he slowly dipped down on your chest and licked a striped starting there up to your neck, making you moan softly as he began nipping on the soft skin all the while flicking and pinching on your buds.

"Hah...Y-Young..hoon..ah fuck.." you let out as you felt yourself become hard at the sensations Younghoon was giving you. Suddenly, he bit on your neck, making you shriek as you tried to pull away from the other male who held you down and began sucking on your neck, creating hickies. "F-Fuuck~"

Chuckling darkly, Younghoon trailed down to your collarbone, creating love bites and deep red marks as he did, making you whimper as you pushed your thighs together to relieve your erect member. Then, the brunette knelt up and admired his masterpiece which was you.

Neck littered with bites and love marks, torso exposed and sweating, face flushed as you breathe heavily, and most importantly, how well your own dick reacted to everything that he did. "See? You're already as hard as a rock. Admit it. You're liking this, aren't you?"

You had no other option but to nod as he let go of your cheek, making you huff as you looked away. This man isn't Younghoon, he wouldn't treat you so roughly. Suddenly, while you were lost in your own train of thoughts, Younghoon took off his white tank top, the rustling sound making you face him.

You gazed at the male, admiring the work of art that he is. His adorable, manly, and beautiful features, his perfectly chiseld body as if he were a god, and just everything about him. You absolutelt loved Younghoon, so much that you'd kill anyone who tries to flirt with him.

Right, maybe that's how Younghoon feels as of the moment. You thought before looking away with you face flushed as hell. "Hoon-ah, you can still back out and we can smooth things out by—"

"No," Younghoon answered sternly before he lifted your hips and hastily removed the silk pajama pants along with the brief you were wearing, your erect cock springing free from it's prison, bouncing against your stomach which made the brunette hum in delight.

Pre-cum was already leaking from your tip's pisshole, making you cough in embarrasment as you tried to avoid Younghoon's judgeful eyes. The said male reached out for your cock, jerking it off slowly as he used his forefinger to rub on the tip. It was enough to make you moan as you covered your face in your arms, trying to supress the sounds you were emitting.

"What? Are you fucking getting shy now? After that fuckin' stunt you pulled off earlier? By clinging onto another man's arm? Fuck! Thinking about it just makes me angrier," he stated as he began to jerk you off fasted. You threw your head back in pleasure as you unonsciously thrusted your hips into his hand. "See? What a fucking slut."

Before you can even comprehend it, Younghoon growled as he pulled down his boxers, hissing as his huge cock sprung into life, the cold air hitting it. He took a hold of his own cock and placed it next to your, rubbing both of your cocks together with one hand.

Younghoon began to groan loudly as he felt his own cock brush against your smaller one, you let out moans as well as he spread the beads of pre-cum that seeped from both your slits on the base of both your cocks. "Fuck, feels so good," he moaned as he looked down at you, an unreadable expression on your face as strings of moans exited your mouth.

"A-Ahh...hah...s-soo good, Hoonie! Shiit~," you moaned as you began thrusting your hips upwards, making the other male growl as he held your hips down, the action making you whine in protest before. Tears began slipping down your eyes at the pleasure, the other male not noticing.

"I know it does, bitch. I know how much you love my large hands. You love it when I spank your naughty ass huh, slut?" Younghoon stated as he landed a slap on your right ass cheek making you yelp as your legs trembled, that familiar coil in your stomach arriving.

"Y-Yes! I-I love it," you answered as you tried to thrust your hips again and this time, Younghoon began playing with your tips which sent you over the edge. "No, no. Wait, Younghoon! Stop, wait!" You stated yet the said male never heeded to any of your request but instead pleasured himself as he began twisting his hands on both your cocks.

The male was too lost in his pleasure that he couldn't even hear you. Only then did h hear you when you suddenly began letting out curses and screamed out in pleasure, moaning. "FUCK! YOUNGHOON, I'M CUMMMINGG~!"

With that, you rolled your eyes to the back of your head as you lolled your tongue out in pleasure. Younghoon stopped his movements as you squirted your own cum onto his hand, some of it dripping onto his abs while some went to your flat stomach.

"You didn't even ask for my permission, slut," Younghoon stated and renoved his hand from your cock, that hand using your cum as lube, jeeking himself off as he stared down at you in horror. "Were you that excited, huh? Don't worry, now I can finally fuck your warm fuckhole."

You wanted to protest but Younghoon was just too strong. You slolwly teared up as you looked down, the ither male lining his cock against your hole. Once you felt it prod against your puckered hole, you bit on your lip to suppress your voice.

You were just about to tell Younghoon to go slowly but he suddenly inserted half of his dick inside you, the sudden stretch making you scream out in pain as you fisted your hands, knuckles turning white as tears after tears dripped down your cheeks.

"Fuck, so tight and warm. Forgot just how much yiur fuckin' pussy feels around my cock, slut," Younghoon stated as he raised your legs and placed them on his shoulders the action making you whimper as you felt it become numb due to the pain. You cried out in pain as he tried to enter all of his length in. "HOLY SHIT! It feels so fucking good I might just cum this instant."

"H-Hoon-ah, it hurts...please go slowly—AHH! FUCK! YOUNGHOOON~! IT HURTS!" You shouted as you threw your head back in pain, teetch gritted together as you tried to become accustomed to his huge cock. "H-HOON! IT HURTS! I'm in pain! Pull it out!"

But all of your words fell into deaf ears as Younghoon began to thrust wildly, you crying as you endured the pain. "Love how your fucking pussy clench around my cock like a needy bitch. Don't want me pulling out, don't you?" He stated as he held your hips tightly, bruises were sure to appear the next day.

You tried to become accustomed to his dick but it was so hard when he was moving so fast. "A-Ah...fuck, Hoon.." you weakly stated as you laid limply on the bed, the pain never ceasing as you let the other male use you like a sex toy. "Ah.."

"Like how I fuck your pussy, slut?" Younghoon howled as he cotinued to ravage your hole with his cock, your own precum smeaeing on your stomach as you cried silently, not wanring Younghoon to hear you. "Shit! Your walls are fucking warm, it's like youe chewing ny fucking cock. Want more of my cock, M/N?" The male asked you as you nodded tiredly, Younghoon jot even minding how pained your expression was.

With a dark chuckle, he pulled his cock out and teased your hole a few times, prodding the tip of his huge member on your hole. "H-Hoon..?" you called out as your turned to look back at the male who licked the bottom of his lip and slurped, his eyes focused on you as if he were to devour you whole.

"Shit," he muttered before he guided his tip back inside your hole, you whimpeeing at the soreness before he plunged his whole length in, making you moan loudly as you pulled on your restraints. "OOH HOH, FUCK! You fucking bitch, your fucking cunt feel so amazing!"

"O-Oh God..." you maoned at the feeling as the pain slowky subdued into what seemed ecstatic. "I-I hope it makes your dick feel good, Youngie," you stated as he looked down at you, ceasing his movements. Younghoon heard you, loud and clear.

"Holy fuck, keep calling me that, baby," Younghoon stated as he began rocking his hips, at a slower pace to get you accustomed to his cock. Wow, totally late, was it? You thought but nonetheless looked away and sighed in relief.

Suddenly, you felt small drops of water drip down on your stomach, making you turn back at the male who was surprisingly crying...as if his dick wasn't buried deep inside your hole. "Younghoon? Why are you crying?" You asked the other male who leaned down towards you, burying his face on your neck as small sobs emitted from the male.

"I'm sorry. Seeing you hurt like this...I didn't want you to feel hurt, like a useless person," he stated before he hugged your waist, unconsciously thrusting his hips as his cock went deeper inside you, eliciting whimpers from you as your legs trembled. "I was just really jealous...I guess I got carried away. I wasn't that mad because I know how you truly love me."

You smiled sadly before he looked up at you with tears streaming down on his cheeks and good gracious was he beautiful even if he was crying. "We've been dating for months and heck, you would've already cheated on me if yiu didn't like me. I got too carried away, I don't deserve a person like you, M/N," he stated before you took a deep breath and looked straight into the male's eyes.

"See? We can always talk this out. Why don't you uncuff me first then we can talk. Sounds good?" You asked the male who, still hugging your figure with one arm, nodded and grabbed the key to the cuffs. He was still deep inside you when he suddenly hit your prostate as he moved up, making you moan as you suddenly came on both your stomachs, blushing madly thebother male stopped and looked down at you. "I-It's your fault.."

Younghoon just chuckled as he uncuffed you, placing the handcuffs back on the nightstand and held your hands. "I'll go get some tissues to—"

"No. Don't go," you stated before you took your hands from his and slowly changed your positon with him sitting on the bed in an indian style while youvstraddled his hips, your legs wrapped around his waist. You took off your pajama polo and used it to wipe your stomach, Younghoon finding it funny as he let out a small chuckle.

"I'm sorry," he stated as he held your hips and pulled you closer, making you whimper as his cock drove deeper inside you. "Oh, right."

"I-It's fine but next time, I think it's best if we talk things out, yeah? That way we can clear the misunderstanding and no one will get hurr, emotionally and physically," you stated as you held his cheeks in your palms, smiling sweetly before placing a kiss on the tip of his nose.

Younghoon smiled as well as you pulled away and placed your hands on his shoulders, your boyfriend's eyes trailing towards the deep marks on your collarbones and neck. "Sorry...about this. Did it hurt?" He asked you worriedly before you giggled and shook his head.

"You act as if you've never done this to me before, Younghoon. I know you're that kind of guy," you stated as you looked straight into his eyes, drawing him in before you placed your thumb on his lip, dragging it along as you stared at it, gulping. "Hoonie," you called out to the other who hummed as he raised his eyebrows, indicating that his attention was on you. Your eyes traveled back towards hir dark brown orbs and said, "Please kiss me."

The other male smiled happily before he hooked his forefinger and thumb on your chin, pulling you nearer as he shut his eyes closed, you doing the same as you felt his soft lips on yours, you both smiling as you kissed.

You instinctively placed your hands on his shoulder as you kissed him deeper, not wanting his lips to disappear on yours. Then, what was supposed to be vanilla and slow, turned into a heated make-out session as you both moved your lips rhythmically.

Younghoon's hands began roaming your body, your member hardening as well as his that was still inside your hole. You moaned into the kiss as you felt him brush his fingers against your erect buds. Everywhere he touched just made you even hornier, each touch bringing some kind of heat inside you.

"Ah.." you moaned out as you gently gripped on his shoulder, hips rutting against his stomach as you tried to create some sort of friction with your hardening member. Younghoon took a notice of this as he pulled away from your lips and began trailing his lips down your neck, towards your collarbone, before finally attaching his lips on your sensitive nipples. "AH! Fuck," you moaned as you pulled his head closer to your chest, your head thrown back in pleasure.

The other male began biting and sucking on your nipple, flicking it with his tongue all the while playing with the other one. "Shit..f-feels good," you stated as you pulled on his hair, eliciting a guttural moan from the male.

Then, he moved his attention towards the other, leaving your other nippled wet and gleaming with his saliva. You continued to moan out in pleasure as you wrapped your arms around his neck. The constant pleasure had you clenching around his huge cock which made him groan every single time you did so.

"Ah shit," Younghoin cursed as he pulled away from your chest and looked into your eyes desperately. "I want you to rode my cock so badly, pumpkin," he stated as he leaned down, placing his forehead on your shoulder as he held your hips tightly. "W-Will you?"

You just chuckled at his request before you lifted yourself up slowly, the other male looking confused as he looked back at you. He was just about to ask you what you were doing when you suddenly sinked back down on his cock, which made him howl as he held your hips head thrown back in pleasure.

"Fuck, your cock is so big," you stated as you began doing the same thing at a slow oace, letting the other male moan as you clamped around his cock like a needy bitch in heat. "I want you to feel so good for me, Hoon-ah. Am I making you feel good?"

Younghoon could only just nod as he looked at you, cheeks flushed red as he held you close. "Y-Yeah, I do," answered as he guided your hips with one hand while he used the other one to wrap around your leaking cock.

You moaned out loud as he jerked your cock off in rhythm while you fucked yourself on his schlong. You rode him off faster, the male's breathing getting heavier as he looked down at your dick, jerking you off at the same pace as yours. "Sh-Shit, feels sooo~ good!"

You could literally feel his cock hit your stomach as you impaled yourself on it, clamping on it every now and then which made Younghoon groan every single time. "You're making my cock feel amazing, baby boy. You're being so good for me," he stated as he looked up at you, your lips swollen while your cheeks were tinted red.

"R-Really?" You stated as you began fastening your thrusts, Younghoon's hand going faster as well. Then, that same fmiliar sensation began brewing inside your inner stomach. "Fuck, H-Hoon-ah. I'm so close," you moaned out.

"Me too, pumpkin. Let's cum together," he stated as he began jerking you off faster while you rode his cock faster to find some release. You began clenching around his cock as sweet yet lewd moans exited your mouth, deep groans leaving Younghoon's. "Shit! I'm cumming!"

With a loud moan and a final thrust, you came on both your stomachs while Younghoon coated your velvety walls white as he release his load inside you with a guttural moan

-----

Currently, Younghoon was hugging your waist, your bodies flushed together while your face rested on his pecs, drawing imaginary circles as you hummed to a tune, cheering Younghoon up. "You still mad, Hoonie?" You asked, your naked bodies covered by the white blanket that Younghoon had.

"I can never stay mad at you. Besides, you've already explained that he was just a friend you used to hang out with. I'm not limiting you to the person you're friends with," he stated before placing a kiss on your forehead, pulling you closer as he took in the scent of your strawberry-scented shampoo. "M/N-ah, I love you."

You were surpirsed at first but you chuckled as you cupped his cheeks and pulled him in to kiss your boyfriend passionately, both closing your eyes as you felt each other's lips. It was pure love with no lust and teeth involved.

Then, you pulled away and smiled, planting your sweaty foreheads together. "I love you too, you dork."

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retroyousei · 3 years

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Female characters in retro shojo [70s edition, part 2]

In this series, the female characters in 70s shojo are being analysed. In part one, three of the most common types were examined; the “average” protagonists, the villains and the tomboys. In this article, other three very common types are being discussed.

The westerners innocent blondies

They are either orphans who just want to find a place to belong, princesses who dream about falling in love, or normal girls who always knew that they weren’t where they meant to be and they somehow discover that they are royalty or from a noble family. Either way, they are lively, innocent, but naive, so sometimes they may be betrayed or belittled, but they have a kind heart that knows how to forgive and have faith on people, so they make friends easily. Many times they are portrayed as Tomboys who love the nature and sometimes they get into trouble accidentally. They may seem helpless and dense sometimes, but despite all of this, they are actually very independent, as they may travel to the other side of the world all alone if they have to (they will make new friends wherever they go anyway) and if they need to, they can kick some serious ass too. But their most precious weapon is their inner strength to move forward, no matter what.

In “Candy Candy” Candy, is an orphan girl who goes through so many hardships. At first, her best friend Annie gets adopted, leaving her behind, but her troubles had just begun. She gets adopted by a rich family to keep company to their daughter, named Elisa who is the one who, along with her brother will constantly try to make her life miserable, firstly when she was staying at their house, then in the private school in England and afterwards when she was working as a nurse. But Candy makes many friends and has many allies and with her inner strength and lust for life, she overcomes all the obstacles that she faces. But that doesn’t mean that she doesn’t lose some of her dearest friends along the way. As she grows up she learns the hardships of life, but all those obstacles makes her only stronger and she never loses her hope for a better tomorrow.

In “the Rose of Versailles” we see Marie Antoinette evolving from an innocent and silly girl, to an irresponsible young woman, to a sorrowful, regretful, but determined queen. In the first volumes, she was still a child who just wanted to have fun and didn’t care about homework, traditions and preparations for being a queen. Later, during her first years as a queen she was portrayed as a naive person who didn’t make the right choices. Also, her friendship with Countess de polignag was a bad influence for her as she goaded her into gambling. But she was also well intensioned and just wanted her loved ones to be happy. Oscar always tried to be her voice of reason, but it wasn’t enough. Later it was more and more clear that she was spending her country’s money in clothes, gardening and building the petit Trianon to be with her inner circle, because she wanted to fill the void of being a woman who cannot be with her beloved. In the end, during the time that she was captured, before her decapitation, she surprisingly matured, realised what she had done all those years and wanted to make things right, but it was too late. Her final thoughts was about her family, Fersen and Oscar and she was proud and composured until her last breath. Throughout the story she was portrayed as an innocent woman who was sacrificed for the sake of politics.

In “Alpen Rose” Jeudi is an amnesiac girl who lives in Alpes with a boy named Lundi. She works as a nurse and has a quiet life, until a French nobleman captures her. Luckily she is very clever and with Lundi’s help they get away. And that’s how their journey towards finding Jeudi’s parents start. Along the way, Jeudi befriends many people, like a little girl with his brother and his girlfriend, a journalist who helps her a lot, a young couple and a mysterious musician named Leonard Aschenbach. Jeudi is different from other characters in this particular category because of her wit and courage. She also has a strong sense of justice and in matters of life and death, such as hiding from the nazis in the trains, planning traps for them and solving mysteries with the information that she gathers with the help of her friends, she succeeds. She also cares about the others and tries to see the good side in everyone. When she finally found her mother, she was asked from her grandparents to pretend that she wasn’t her daughter, because she was blind and in a fragile state, besides there was another girl who resembled Alicia (Jeudi’s real name) a lot. She had patience and it was repaid in the end.

Rosalie from “Rose of Versailles” was a poor girl who lived with her mother and her sister Joanne and she just wanted for others to be healthy and was happy with the simplest of things, like being able to buy bread and helping other children in the neighborhood who can’t afford to eat anything. When her mother is killed by Polignag who was in fact her birth mother, she is devastated and swears that she is going to get revenge from the nobles who don’t care about anyone else. When she befriends Oscar and Andre and stays at Jerjeyes household, she learns fencing, manners, horseriding and and history, to make her debut in Versailles. There, she meets the woman who killed her mother, her sister who suicides because of Polignag and managed to get away from her. She also felt disappointed with her other sister, Jeanne who betrayed her, but she was sad when she was killed. Later she meets and falls in love with Bernard, a friend of Oscar and they get married. As the years passed by, she evolved from a stereotypical nice girl, into an accomplished woman who can protect herself and the others. By the end of the story she was pretty much the only one from the main characters who stayed alive.

There are many other characters who fit this image, such as Georgie from “Lady Georgie”, who lived in Australia with a family that wasn’t hers and after meeting an English noble young man, Lowel, they fall in love, so she decides to follow him in England where she makes new friends, faces many enemies and also finds out about her real family. Lynn from “Lady Lady” travels to England to live with her father and her step sister and there she faces her evil step mother and her children, but she also finds many allies too.

Note: “Anne of green gables” was and still is popular in Japan, because of Anne’s passion for freedom and expression, the book’s “pastel” aesthetic, so Anne’s imagination and strength despite being an orphan, might have inspired those characters.

The worthy rivals

Those ladies tend to have what the main heroine lacks and they serve as her opposite. They tend to be considered prettier than the main characters and that circumstances are easier for them, something that isn’t true. They also appear to be elegant and refined, on oppose to the heroine who is more clumsy and tomboyish. They are usually more practical, down to earth and skilful than the main heroine, causing her to feel inferior to them. They may start off as the snobbish girls who look down on her and don’t take her seriously, due to her clumsiness and her easy going attitude towards work, but as the time goes by, they realise her real talent and her worth, causing them to consider her as a worthy opponent and expect great things from her. They may appear as almost perfect at everything they do, but the truth is that they are also insecure and they are having other types of problems, such as finding it very difficult to make friends, due to their cold nature, as they always appear antagonistic and determined to win. But as time goes by they may change their attitude with the help of the heroine, or better, with their own realisation.

Ayumi from “Glass Mask” is the greatest example of this. She is the daughter of a famous actress and a famous director and she was always on spotlight ever since she was a kid. She is beautiful, refined, elegant and admired by everyone, also considered to be a genius, as she excels at acting techniques, dancing and reciting. Her family environment helped her to pursue a successful career as an actress. But that doesn’t mean that she is rest assured as she always seeks to exceed her parents’ talent, so that people will see her as her and not as a daughter of famous parents. She also stated that no one truly knows how hard she worked in order to reach her current level. And that hard work was something that she succeeded on her own. When she encountered Maya for the first time and faced her on the stage, even though she (Ayumi) was better than her, she felt as though she was defeated. From that moment, even though it seemed like Ayumi had everything and Maya had nothing, Ayumi always thought that Maya had something that she lacked; a deep understanding of the characters that she portrays. Ayumi may excel at the techniques of acting, but she never manages to portray the true depth of emotion of each character. Her portraits of characters are accurate and true to the play, but Maya’s are refreshing and original. Even when it’s clear that she is way ahead of Maya, she always walks off stage with the feeling that she was defeated. As a rival, she is also very fair and she likes to unlimitedly challenge Maya in many ways. Of course, as the story progresses, Ayumi’s talent evolves and she becomes more open as a person.

In “Candy Candy”, Flanny is a girl who works as a nurse in the same hospital with Candy. She is the best of the nurses there, as she’s always on time, always knows what to do, is very practical and smart, yet she is rather cold and distant towards others. She only cares to get things done, that’s why she is often annoyed by Candy’s bubbly nature. What’s more, as soon as she learns that Candy is an Ardley, she assumes that she only works out of boredom, contrary to her, who she has to support her poor family. She even goes at the front, to work as a nurse and support the soldiers there. Candy respects her for that this and she visits Flanny’s family to inform them about her decision, as her own relationship with them is bad, as she only sends them her monthly allowance and they never seem to appreciate her hard work. Her and Candy make an interesting dynamic and many stated that both of them make the perfect nurse, with Candy’s gentle and caring personality and Flanny’s practical skills. At the end, both of them learned from one another.

In “Swan”, Sayoko is a refined woman who loved ballet ever since she was a child. But when she meets Masumi for the first time, she starts being insecure about herself and afraid that she will overshadow her, as she’s younger than her with a bright future, whereas she had a night of glory as a prima ballerina, but after an accident she needs to learn how to dance again. But she still feels sympathy for her, besides they both shared their love for ballet, thus a rivalry begins.

In “Aim For The Ace” Reika is the best player on the tennis team and so her nickname is “Madame Butterfly”, due to her grace in the field. Hiromi is fascinated by her and even though at first Reika isn’t impressed by her, later she appreciates her skills and thus a friendship begins.

The “damsel in distress” love antagonists

They are fragile, sweet and pretty, that’s for sure. They are either the daughters of an important family which aspires to marry them with the love interest, thus expand their power, or they are someone who because of some circumstances, grew closer to the love interest, before the main character even could or when she was separated from him for various reasons. Nevertheless, they are in a better social situation from the heroine. Their character arc usually begins at some crucial point of the plot, which is halfway through the story, when the main character and the love interest’s relationship have had already developed, but had not quite bloomed yet. They are considered to be innocent and kind, contradictory to the main character who is much more spontaneous, causing trouble to other sometimes. As expected, they slowly fall in love with the main love interest, in some cases before the main character even realises that she loves him. Either way, those characters add an extra dose of melodrama and constitute to the story, sometimes a little bit, some others a lot to a point of changing it.

Shiori from “Glass Mask” is an interesting case. She is a lady from a wealthy family, so she’s elegant and accomplished. She’s also very pretty, but fragile, as she suffers from anemia and many times she passes out. At first, she’s sympathetic, as she goes out with Masumi and starts falling for him, even though Masumi loves Maya. But as the story progresses, looking at the way Masumi talks to her (Maya), she starts to suspect that he likes her. Slowly but steadily, she evolves into a manipulative woman, who uses her weak health to keep him close. She sees Maya as a threat and she goes out of her way to make her seem like a bad person in front of Masumi. When he learns about all of this, he breaks up with her, but afterwards, Shiori attempts suicide and passes out. When she recovers, she loses almost all of her sense and she goes mad. She’s hospitalised in her room, where she barely speaks and sometimes she growls Maya’s name, rips apart her pictures in magazines and orders bouquets of purple roses to rip them too. At this point of the story, her parents don’t allow him to break their engagement, until their daughter recovers, leaving him responsible for her. In conclusion, Shiori evolves from a sympathetic woman, to a pathetic creature who’s adrift to its feelings.

Susanna from “Candy Candy” is a young talented actress, with a good heart, who works at the same theater company with Terry. During the time of their troupe’s performances in Chicago, she starts falling for him. Seeing that Terry’s heart is set on elsewhere she tries to keep him distant from Candy. Later on, in New York, during a rehearsal, the spotlight that was above of Terry, was ready to fall, so Susanna ran and pushed him away to save him, but the spotlight fell down before she could walk away from it. In the hospital, the troupe learns that she’s alive and healthy, but unfortunately the doctors were unable to save her legs and were forced to amputate them, meaning that her career as an actress was over. Terry took the responsibility, having a strong sense of duty and being pressured by Susanna’s mother. When Candy arrived to New York and see his play, she learned about it soon. Before she even fathom the news, she ran to catch up to Susanna, to save her from a balcony, before she could jump, trying to suicide, to free Terry and let him be with the one he loved. Candy manages to save her and decides to leave them be. So Terry chose to stay with Susanna to take care of her.

Lalissa from “Haikara-San Ga Toru” is a character that appears in the second half of the story. She’s a Russian noble, who arrived to Tokyo with her husband, who is in fact not her real one, but he’s Shinobu who suffers from amnesia after the war and believes that he’s married to her. Lalissa is elegant and quiet, but sad and the truth is that she had lost her real husband, that’s why she wants Shinobu near her, due to his resemblance to him. Benio, who’s Shinobu’s sweetheart, believing that he was dead, was shocked when she saw them together. But due to the circumstances and the fact that Lalissa suffers from tuberculosis, Benio decides to give up on him. But when the Kanto earthquake stroke, Lalissa was severely injured and ready to die, whereas Shinobu regained his memory and she told him to marry Benio and be happy.

Another mention, is Marie from “Alpen Rose” who liked Lundi and that was the reason that she miraculously stood up from her wheelchair to help him, although it’s clear that he likes Jeudi.

#retro shojo #shojo manga #Rose of Versailles #Candy Candy #Alpen Rose #Lady Georgie #Lady Lynn #Glass Mask #Swan #haikara san ga tooru #aim for the ace #character types #70s manga #80s manga

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dreamsister81 · 2 years

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Jeff on high school:

What was it like for you growing up? Were you a misfit? Or were in the "in crowd?"

"I hated high school! I don't know, really wear it (being a misfit) as a badge of honor. My family would always be moving so I was always the new guy in town. Any school I went to, I would always be introduced to the class, (angrily)...which by the way, teachers, is a stupid thing to do. By being in front of the class, I would be judged at hand immediately. I could see which person wanted to kick my ass, which weren't the ones who got their asses kicked, and which ones did the ass-kicking. So, each time I had to start the process over and over again, and I was always singled out. Kids are cold and disgusting because they learn it all from their parents. The last place I ended up going to school was Orange County High...f-cking Orange Curtain! Hangin' outwith the good ol' Nazi youth! By then, I was skipping school to play clubs."-from Inside Edge

"High school was a joke. I knew it was completely superfluous when I stepped in. Not the information, but the people."-Raygun Magazine

"I've had run-ins with it on the very street level, just kids. Like, going to school with kids that are highly, highly diluted. I had a friend, for a long time, and we rode the bus together at high school and she said something about there were only two black people in the whole school and I'd been to so many different schools and lots of situations and finally, by some twist of fate I end up in Anaheim behind the Orange curtain and there were like two black kids in the whole school, two or three. And this girl said something that made me smell that she was kind of prejudice and I said, 'do you actually think that black people are inferior to white people?' and when she said 'yes,' I called her something I've never called any woman ever. I called her a 'cunt.' 'You stupid, fucking, blah blah blah. I can't believe that you...' and it wasn't her fault at that point, she was very young.

"At some point you really have to look at what it does. In every human being, in everything someone tells you, either they tell you they love you or they tell you they think that you're stupid or that you're ugly or you're wrong. And you can defend youself by saying, 'well, I'm not, you know. I'm worthy. People love me and there are people I love in my life,' but there's something that always listens. Something in there. So people that are hurling racial epitaphs, it still hurts on both sides, on any side. Wasp, spick, kike, whatever, faggot, john, bastard, every single human being and nobody's exempt. Not one person, not even Ghandhi. But he saw it in himself. The thing is, in order to be affected by it in other people you have to have it in yourself. Everybody has the same components it's just that certain things take the stage at certain given times in their character. So, a prominently, hate-oriented family is going to breed a real violent kid. There's honor in him and there's love in him but it's just that it's squanched down in the mix." UR Magazine, September, 1994

"I've always been a loner. I felt-I still feel-ackward, clumsy, ugly. So I didn't go out. Being alone was a way of not getting attached to a place or people: I could leave overnight without any regret. I was always a stranger who watches with disgust at guys his age talking like their fathers. I walked a lot, smoked a lot-all those things that took me away from my schoolwork. Suddenly, I decided to do nothing anymore at school. A teacher had explained to us the bell curve grading system, a kind of upward levelling. If I worked hard and got good grades on the exams, my success would benefit the dunces in my class, pull them up. It was inconceivable that I would do anything to help those fat bastards who were only thinking of beating me up at lunchtime. So I rested my arms, waiting for the first-class eggheads to kill themselves trying to raise the average. That didn't stop me from reading and learning at home. My great shame is that I was a class leader, that I represented these losers, that I compromised myself with the system. I had the longest hair in school, I was constantly called a faggot. One day, after a hockey game, I took the scissors and cut off my hair. My only regret is that I never told Ruth Wilcox-my European history teacher-how much she meant to me. They all hated me at my high school and I despised their ignorance. It was inconceivable to work with with these monsters, to live among them, to lead an existence identical to theirs."

Did you already write then ?

"At the time, I didn't even realize how frustrated I was. When I wrote, I felt good, safe. It was by writing that I realized how inadequate I was. I grew up in Anaheim, the city of Disneyland, a well-off Judeo-Christian suburb...God, did I hate those motherfuckers...and they made me pay dearly for it. Writing was a real pain because, little by little, I discovered myself. And it wasn't a pretty sight. I was immature, I was very disappointed in myself."-Les Inrockuptibles, October, 1994

“I was pretty much raised on marijuana and rock and roll,” he says. This would have made Buckley popular almost anywhere else, but he went to high school in conservative Orange County, California. “I had long, long hair and weird clothes,” he says. “the 'prize students’ called me fag and beat me up.”-Village Voice, November 14, 1994

"I grew up mainly in Southern California, mostly in little white trashville towns overrun by Burger Kings, malls, Bloods and Crips and high taxes," he remembers. "Just me, my mom, and my little brother, mainly, moving from one place to the next, depending on what relationship, job, break-up was happening at the time. We moved so often I just used to put all my stuff in paper bags. My childhood was pretty much marijuana and rock and roll," he says. "I had the longest hair and the weirdest clothes-the kids at my high school use to call me 'that faggot' and beat me up all the time."-Sky International, July, 1995

Loara 📷: me

#jeff buckley #jeff places #loara high school #mylove #supremebeing #favorite #music

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villainsandvictimsalliance · 3 years

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You know what parallel I like to think of? The one between Bakugo and Touya Todoroki when he was a kid.

They both had flashy quirks and people held them above the average, praising him, telling them who special and important they were. They learn to depend on those compliments, constantly showing off their quirks to get people to love them. And when that stopped working, when they were no longer the center of attention, they started going down a dangerous path, a violent one.

Well, they were violent before. Both Bakugo and Touya were really mature to their age. They are very observant, they analize everything they see and try to go one step ahead the rest. Sadly, this also means they misunderstand a lot of stuff, because they're trying to read people and that's not a exact science.

The problem with people raising you in a way you think you're above average is that you're gonna feel ashamed if you ever need to ask for help. Specially if that helps come from someone that should be pathetic to social standards. Both Izuku and Fuyumi tried to help Bakugo and Touya, but that only made them angrier. How can them, the strong one, accept the help of a weak one? They were genuinely trying to understand it. They were kids.

This works perfectly when you remember that Bakugo is also a parallel of Endeavor. Don't get angry, hear me out first: Endeavor, as Bakugo, was obsessed with being number one. With the years that obsession blinded him so much that he stop caring about others when it wasn't ralated to the hero work. Or rather, his obsession made him violent and ignorant, until he was a monster in the eyes of the people that were close to him.

Bakugo is a way better version, because he's a version that was rescued on time. Thanks go his friends and his teachers, and specially thanks to Izuku, he understood that it was not about just being stronger than anybody else. It was about being a hero at heart. He's getting so much better, doing so much better, he's just a better human being because of course HE WAS A CHILD, and one that was blinded to how things should work. Now he's growing up and that means he's taking a conscious decision to change. Really, the road is long and the steps are slow, but that's life. He's gonna get there and he's getting there already.

But still, when it comes to Touya and Bakugo.

Touya was somehow a little of a bully too. We learned from the manga he didn't want to go play with other kids because he found them inferior. At least Bakugo had friends (being an only child, he found the help he needed within other children), but Touya only had his siblings and: 1) To his eyes Fuyumi was weak because she was a girl and had a weak quirk, 2) Natsuo was okay but Dabi got the feeling he was bothering him and annoying him so he stopped trying to find comfort in Natsuo, 3) Shoto was the personification of his failure, so he hated that baby because he hated himself and he's dad.

The way they moved and acted was also kinda similar. Even their hair. And then you have the parallel between the scene where Bakugo cries because he thinks he's not enough or not worthy, and the scene with Touya whefe he cried because he wanted to assure his father he was valuable, he was not a failed experiment.

They both struggle with communicating what they feel. They both are grumpy and sarcastic, edgy and stubborn. Even when they follow other people, they still think they are better than them.

And that's all for now, a tiny silly comparison that I like to think about when I have time to.

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lostinwoods · 3 years

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A different take on SessKag relationship or why it would be more realistic than InuKag.

Let me begin with

Sesshomaru's and Kagome's past and how they are similar.

Sesshomaru had always been a very sentimental and emotionally receptive being. He had loved and cherished his dad the most. Loving and competing with him, wanting to surpass him, desiring recognition and acceptance so much so that his entire world revolved around his father. He did not want the swords because they were powerful or the bs about supreme conquest. What is that shit? Sesshomaru never needed that. The swords, especially Tessaiga was the most important acceptance to Sess. I will get back to this later.

Now Kagome. This kid was born and then we never saw her dad even when she was a kid. Another classic case of growing without a dad? Perhaps. But I feel her grandpa filled her missing dad's place. That is why the kid grew up in a lovely household, filled with love and peace and made Kagome what she was later on, a selfless girl who wants to love and protect her friends. Because that is what she learnt. Her grandpa, mom, everyone and her own family dynamics taught her how important it was to cherish the ones she loved.

What they initially thought of Inuyasha in their life

Now back to Sess. When his dad died, he dies saving Izayoi. What is the thing he feels at the time I wondered. Surely devastated? Yes, but even worse. His most important person, his goal, the thing his life revolved around was gone. And for what? To protect a weak, useless bitch like Izayoi? Here is a thing, he never knew Izayoi but knew the hut had collapsed on his dad when Izayoi had escaped. What can a teen feel when they hear such a thing? 'That useless bitch, ran away when my dad was in danger and cost him his life. Fuck that bitch and that kid they made. Useless, all humans are useless and weak.' This was really where his hatred came from. Probably.

Kagome on the other hand from the beginning was shown as a selfless kid, who loved both humans and demons alike. Reason? She had never lived in the feudal era. She was a kid grown in a society where everyone is placed on a equal pedestal. How would she, a modern kid understand the bad blood between demons and humans? If she were ever born in Feudal Japan, would things have changed? Maybe. Then she falls into a world where nothing was similar to where she was from. She was frightened, unsure and confused. And then Inuyasha came into her life. Honestly their first meeting was not romantic and pretty terrific in a sense. That was a weird day for Kagome. She fell into an alien world only heard in fairy tales, got involved in a weird prophecy, learnt she was a mythical sort of being herself and then got attacked by a guy who had saved her only seconds before, all ready to rip her heart out. In such a case, the 'osuwari' was probably a safe word for her. Why she uses it later in the series? Probably because she never trusted Inuyasha and felt more comfortable using a word which gave her power over him. Honestly, what would you expect? Kisses and love showers?

Analysis: Kagome was still scared of Inuyasha for a long time and did not trust him completely.

Before Inu no Taisho's tomb battle

Kagome before this went home and then cane back because she felt that fixing the Shikon was her duty. More honestly, she just returned coz Yura attacked and she wanted her family to be safe. Here I want to take some time to gush over how cool Kagome is. Intelligent, smart and extremely powerful. How she understood that Yura's skull was her weakness and breaks the god forsaken thing with just an arrow. That is some level of OPness. Who says Kags is useless?

Anyways, after that when Inuyasha called her 'Kagome', a lot of the viewers thought that Kagome was ecstatic because it was romantic and she was in love. But that is bs. It is not possible to love someone a week later they tried to gut your heart out. It is masochistic and unreal. Kagome over here felt a sense of acceptance from a guy who she felt previously hated her enough to kill her. And that to Kagome was a sign of friendship and more like, 'don't worry, I am not at least gonna attempt to kill you anymore.'

Kagome, inheritently a person who gives a hand when given a finger. She accepts Inu as her friend and they were far from being lovers.

It is exactly this time that Sess attacks them. And quite cruely might I say. Bringing Inu's dead mom like that was not funny and Sess was an outright jerk for doing that no matter how much he hated Inu and Izayoi. He is all weird and sarcatic at high levels. And Kags hated him. She hated how he was attacking this one friend she had made in the era. She hated how cruel this bastard was and how much pain her friend was going through. And her own lovely bond with her brother did not help her to look into their complex brotherly bond which seemed to her more like some battle royale. She probaably hated the bitch for showing up and hurting her friend like that even when he, being the older brother should have loved his younger brother and nurtured him like she would do for Souta.

For Sess, it was really weird and shitty all over. A basic human bitch, standing behind Inu like she was weak fawn. Reminded him so much of Izayoi. Someone who never even tried saving his dad. That was why his sarcastic words were like, "Inuyasha, it suits you so much to have a human behind you". Ya and he was irritated by looking at how helpless af the bitch was. He was narcisstic, filipant of Kags presence and all around indifferent to a 'weak human filthy woman', who he felt was just like the one for whom his dad died.

Surprise is how he did not outright murder her. Perhaps he felt like they were worthless and beneath his boots.

Lol, these two are the best.

Inside Inu No Taisho's tomb

Kags was really angry with this bitch who just chained her up, clawed a pearl out of her friend's eye and then jumped into a black hole. That is why she followed with, "This sort of a person, with no blood or humanity in his veins, I cannot forgive him" and then she chased. Even Inu was like, WTF bro. It was fun. Then she spouted lines like, " Take the sword Inuyasha, it will be like a hit to his pride, what a shame!"

How tf did she know about how much his pride hurt him. Lol felt like Kags knew Sess more than Inu ever would and they only met. That was some soulmate level shit right there. Lol!

Then there was Sess who was outright dismissing Kags and she was not even a spec of dust in his eyes. Then she went and pulled that sword out. Remember the scene where he was so surprised that he stopped the battle with Inu and turned around and LOOKED. Like really LOOKED. It was such a heart stopping moment and for good measures as well. He saw a girl, a woman standing there, holding an inheritance which was supposed to be his and she did something he could not. Did Tessaiga accept her then, did his father accept her more than him? He was baffled, confused and low-key awed. That was why he said, "What are you?" And legit measured her top to bottom. That was some turning point for Sess. Something that proved to him that all humans cannot be dismissed. But he was in rage. How can a mere human be worthy of Tessaiga and melted her along with that sword. I wonder if it was his second test to see whether Tessaiga would protect her or not. And then it did!

Sess went ape-shit crazy after that. A sword he desired for so long (The sword used to protect Izayoi was a thorn in his heart. Made him feel like his father had chosen a human over him. But if the sword had accepted him, it would have proved that his dad had still loved him, thought of him). That was the significance of Tessaiga to him. Power sure, but more of an acceptance. His dad's acceptance. And then what happened? The sword preferred a human who then gave it to his damned hated brother.

Aftermath of tomb battle

Kagome never really liked Sess's guts and probably had no form of sympathy towards someone like him. On the other hand things picked up with her and Inu's relation. She came to know some facts about Kik. And her inferiority complex began with her incarnate. But having a part of Kik's soul in her, began her obsession with Inu. She strived to understand him, make a better person of himself. But their relation was still not there to lovers.

Then Sess came across Naraku. He probably just wanted to dick around more with Inu and accepted the human hand.

2nd battle for Tessaiga

Sess's desire to possess the Tessaiga had increased at this point. His rage of having his arm cut off by that sword felt like the worst rejection from his dad. He was going insane and might have wanted to kill Inu for real in this fight. He was in no mood for theatrics in this one, unlike the tomb where he actually watched some InuKag drama and even applauded (lol). He was absolute business this time. He snached the sword and showed Inu exactly why he should not get that sword, 'You cannot even make the wind rift, why should you be more worthy?'

He meant to kill Inu and then Kags arrow sailed in, charging with enough power to even cancel the demonic energy filled into the sword by Sess himself.

His thoughts were for the same reason, " She canceled Tessaiga's transformation? Who is this girl?"

His respect scale jumped for her here. He truly had never met anyone who could rival his power to such extent. He had never met a girl who stood so powerfully in face of danger to protect this some half-breed scum. She was like the embodiment of everything he had hoped Izayoi to be to his dad. A strong woman who would wager her life to save the one she holds dear. Sess had learnt this fact from his dad's death. To sacrifice in name of love and then in this fight he understood how much that meant both for Inuyasha and Kagome. He probably somewhat understood what this feeling was after seeing these two.

Sess had an idea of love and protection and Kags became its centre. She was this vague expectation Sess had of human love and an absolute loyalty towards whom you love most. He felt complicated towards her. He respected her.

3rd Tessaiga battle

Sess's most sceptical battle yet. Why break the tessaiga? 'I will break it if I can't have it!' Desperate much?. Then the wind drift appears and for the first time Sess acknowledges Inu. For maybe being a somewhat worthy of having Taisho's blood, only if a little bit. He is saved by Tenseiga. Oh, how he hated this worthless sword more. This sword could not cut throught things and saves his life. What a worthless shit.

Kagome's narrative here was important. "How can he weild the Tenseiga? He needs a compassionate heart for that." Always wondered why Kags was the one to say this. But realised the reason later on.

Rin

Obviously the most controversial topic of Inuverse. What Sess felt for Rin, why was she there.

Rin has often been compared to be the Kagome version of Sess. And that is the only truth. She came in like a ray of sunshine when he was in most need. He was in self doubt, hate towards Inu and complex emotions towards Kags. And then Rin was there with the exact same face and the same warm feeling like Kags. Even he knew what InuKag were to each other then and no matter how much he respected Kags, he was not really interested in a further relation with Kags. But his deeply unsated desire to understand his dad's mentality and reason behind saving a human was what made him think of Rin. As she was his chance to understand that. His chance to understand why his dad could do that, why Inu could do that and why humans like Kags and Rin could save and love demons. It was not romantic in any sense. He had a confusion and Rin was his way towards a solution. Though it was a different fact that he loved her later on and cherished and protected her. Enough to feel that there was no meaning to his anything if she was not there.

So yes in a way, she is Kags embodiment in Sess's life, a picture of Kags selfless love. His desire to truly understand such beings called selfless humans and the result of his single minded belief of human women being trash and unable to love shattering.

And for fun just to contradict Kags speculations, for first time ever, Sess uses the sword and we viewers realise how wrong Kags was. Sess had every bit of compassion in his heart.

Later events

The events went on with Kags finally understanding her position in Inu's life and her single-minded chase to be accepted by Inu as just Kagome and not Kikyo's reflection. I do not even know if this could be called love or just a misinterpreted need of attention from someone you hold dear. But whatever, we realise Kags is in love with Inu now and still cannot stop from feeling compassion towards Kikyo. Honestly she and Sess are truly two opposite sides of a spectrum.

Sess on the other hand gets Tokijin and attacks Inuyasha. This time around, I highly doubt he was still chasing Tessaiga. It had more evolved into his need to show he is more powerful than Inu. 'What you do best, I can do better.'

Stopping Inu from transforming

In this the most debatable question was whether he was there to stop Inu or not.

Sess had wanted to see and experiment the limits of Inu's blood beast.

After some fighting, Kags jumped in. Sess stared at her, like forever. That staring tho. Even when she was like, "Stay away, you idiot." Sess stared. For Sess, that was what he admired the most in Kags. Her selfless devotion. He was staring at that fearless figure who once again surprised him by being a sacrifice to save her loved ones. She was to Sess what he had always thought of 'love' to be. She was the embodiment of the term 'love' to Sess. For a guy who knew nothing of how to define emotions, it was Kags who showed him what love was. And thus he jumped over and over again in front of Rin to protect her. She taught him how to cherish even the even the most weak individual in a group, and thus he protected Jaken.

Rin was there to show him the same thing everyday. But no matter how much Rin showed him her own loyality, love and warmth, Kags always remained that shining beam to him. I will say later on how I understood this.

Kag's love was the validity of his dad's sacrifice. A way for him to make sense of his dad's mindless death over protecting some weak human.

And in this scene for the first time ever, Kags saw Sess as more than an insufferable pest to her friends. She saw his noble ideals and realised why he was there and thus she thought, "Was he here to save Inuyasha?"

It is very curious as to why Kags was again given these lines. It was probably because her opinion mattered, to Sess it did. And we will see more why in the future.

Random encounters

There was one time when Kags saw Rin while Jaken was trying to steal Tessaiga and she had asked herself, "Why is a little human girl traveling with Sess?' It was again a small thing which she did not need to feel but was very imp. for her development towards Sess. How she started to understand him more.

Kohaku incident

Here we saw how was the first time Sess listened to Kags.

Kags opinion mattered. Inu's mattered and when he realised that Kohaku was being used he let him go. There was one reason that he did not want to be used, the next I am sure was for Kags and Inu. He knew then that Kohaku was imp. to them and he stopped. Big character jump for him.

Then the most curious fact was how Kags knew what the girl meant to him, "Please let him go Sesshomaru, the girl is fine."

Kagome: Thanks Sesshomaru!

Sesshomaru: I just never wanted to be used by Naraku and fall into his trap.

Lol...

Then after Rin left, Kags thoughts about how she had left with Sess and was awed . An important point for her change in feelings towards Sess. She understood the guy was changing and Rin was changing him.

The fun fact was how she was instantly in love with this little girl and that would become important later on.

More random events..

After that it was shown that many times Kags was the only one who could stop a fight bet. the brothers. Example that time when he fought with Inu to get some direction for Naraku. And then Kags came and told him to go north or something and he was like, "That is all I wanted to know." And left.

What is to be seen in these parts is how RT made only him and her interact like this. He listening to her like they have been friends forever.

The saving of Kanta's father was also an example of how much she affected him.

Her plea to save Kanta's dad even when no one believed and no one bothered to ask him. Tensaiga moved because he felt deeply moved by her plea. He might have never wanted to voice it but since Tensaiga only worked when the weilder felt compassion and a need to save someone. Sess must have felt it subconsciously and Tensaiga had stired. Or it had stired because it is a SessKag shipper as well. Lol!

Mukotsu

I wonder how Sess knew Kags was in trouble. Another fun fact like how he appears at times when Inu is not there to save Kags. Sess is there. Probably he knew her scent too well and hence could even distinguish between that and the poison. After that was the gruesome death of Mukotsu. The thing to notice over her was how large Sess looked in that hut doorway, it was a symbolism to how big and huge his protective self looks when he is protecting Kagome. A very romantic thing indeed. The first time he protects someone who is not under his protection. A complete selfless act if considered from his pov. Sess being a very private person and while saving Kagome showed her place in his heart. Yeah and that was very visible from how he killed Mukotsu.

The takeaway from this episode is not this though. It was the fact that Kags defended Sess. For the first time ever, all the good deeds she had seen him doing had outplayed her hatred for him. She accepeted him as a friend with these words, "No Inuyasha, he was here to protect us, he saved us." It was a completely unnecessary detail in the whole scheme of this episode but very important for Sess. Her acceptance matters, her opinion matters and Sess is a Tsundere.

Sesshomaru: I did not save YOU, I just killed him coz he did not answer me properly.

This proved how much she affects him, rattles him and how much her life means to him. And an unspoken promise to himself to protect her when Inu was not around.

Fight with Shishinki

No one ever mentions this fight. But there is a very important SK interaction in here. Something which was important for Sess. Kagome's understanding.

When Sess was lost in the same darkness of never being accepted by his dad, Shishinki made things worse by saying Tenseiga was a cast out of Tessaiga and it was given as a leftover to Taisho's least fav. son. Sesshomaru was hurt, lost, and his daddy issues, his biggest weakness was sharply opened by a knife, cruely and Kagome's words saved him.

Kagome: But there might have been a reason their dad had done this.

Kags belief that Taisho had infact not rejected Sess was like a balm to his soul, the only thing he had needed to hear throughout his life. The thing which made him accept in the end that Tensaiga was there to protect Inuyasha, the thing that was needed to sort of activate Tessaiga and then he finally formed his biggest and truest meido. It was romantic, touching and outright heavenly. Then it was made cute with Inu's awkward concern. It was the best ep. as of yet.

Kagome's deep concern and her understanding of Sess's pain was brilliant and alien level insane. She should not have, but she did and that's why they felt more like soulmates.

Battle with Magatsuhi

Sess had gone batshit crazy when Magatsuhi had hurt Kagome and that had only been worsened by him questioning Sess's honor and pride. Sess had turned full on doggy mode and lost control in that way for the first time since the tomb. And the strike at Magatsuhi's eyes was another symbolism of his revenge for doing shit to Kags eyes and mindfucking her.

RT has always thrown these small hints in between IK drama. Which are brilliant and lovely. Even that one scene where he stands protectively inbetween Kags prostrate body on Kilala and Magatsuhi. Beautiful symbolism, really.

It was also fun to see how Kags half power was sealed by Magatsuhi and Sess's half power was returned via Bakusaiga. I felt that Sess's true acceptance of his protection to Kagome and his detachment from Tessaiga was what made him the true daiyokai and surpass his father. Since somehow Tessaiga has always been linked to protecting Kagome and somehow protecting her might have also been the thing to finding Bakusaiga. The desire to protect her perhaps.

Soul mate mind link theatrics

This is something only some people realise. Sesshomaru and Kagome have been shown not once, but twice to be doing this. Once while fighting for Kohaku's life and the last shard and the other in Naraku's body. Kagome and Sesshomaru had been shown to think in absolute synchronisation. He thinks half the sentence, she completes the rest. Absolute soul mate shit.

SessKag power combo

Shown a lot of time in Inuverse. Sess attacks and Kags completes. A small thing but their timing is insane. And is defintely the best power combo, far better than an InuKag combo.

Fight in Naraku's body

This was the time when Sess finally shows what Kagome means to him. Where she stands and how much he cares for her. She is his FIRST priority. Proof? When Rin and she are in simultaneous danger, he stands there infront of Kags for God knows how long, removing those snake things like he had all the time in the world and once she is awake he is concerned about her well being.

Sess: Those wounds, are those Inuyasha's doing?

And his disappointment in Inuyasha not being able to protect Kags.

Sess: As expected of a half-demon. He lost himself in the bloodlust.

Kags obviously considered Sess to be a friend at this point. A very close friend at that. Family perhaps? Their familiarity here was not missed by anyone. Her defending Inu and then still prioritising Rin over Inu were only somethings we realised this chapter.

The most important was her belief in him.

Manga exclusive,

Kags: I believe that you would be able to do it. Do not fall into Naraku's trap and play his cards that is what he wants. Only you can do this, I know.

Wow, Kags wow...just wow... It is the best actually. She does not believe Inu in this situation but she does Sess. She believes in his protection and she knows her influence on him. This speaks volumes. This shows her unreal connection to him and how they match each other instinctively.

Sess knows her influence. This is his weakness.

The mokomoko scene was truly Sesshomaru's best confession. For him who cannot say much in words, allowed her to fly on mokomoko. Something which everyone of us know has a heavy weightage for Sesshomaru. It is his weapon, his forever companion and his support when he is injured and tired. Offering such a thing to her for whatever reason was truly his way of showing what he exactly feels for her. He cherishes her the most and I could say even more than Rin. Trusts her the most and would jump in front of danger to protect her.

Which is only seen more when he asks her to stay away from the fight because she would be a 'hinderance'. Which means he could not fight if she is in the middle. He would be vulnerable and weak. Intersting, very interesting. Another time where he stood between her and a dangerous blood beast that Inu had become.

The best part was truly him getting concerned when she fell down from the top while removing Tessaiga and then when Magatsuhi tried to possess her.

His anger was so vibrant. "Get away from her!"

What a brilliant thing to say. The possessiveness. The will to protect her. The absolute anger. Brilliant. So much was spoken in those lines.

The best ending though was the SessKag power combo of Bakusaiga and holy arrow. Best ending. Inu was not even much involved in ending Naraku. It was weird how the titular character failed in finishing the main villain with his meido. Shows a lot what SessKag meant to RT.

Big brother

Yes, the iconic scene where fans of all ships shout out that SK is not a romantic ship.

Well over here I want to say that Kagome truly saw Sess as a big brother figure at this point. Part of it was because she still felt that she was in love with Inu and part because she was not receptive to her reactions to Sess and what he truly meant to her at this point. She feels an intimate connection to him but cannot justify the weirdness because she still feels a closeness to Inu so she thinks of him as big brother. Which was a very intimate thing for Kagome to say. She loves him like family and clearly places him higher than the rest of her friends only second to Inu. That was more of a declaring her closeness to Sess rather than a confirmation of her and Inu's relationship. Kags is not a vain character who does things coz they are convinient. She would not call a friend if they are not a friend. And certainly not a big brother if she does not feel so.

Sess actually was relieved, ecsatatic and happy when Jaken informed hin of Kags arrival as was seen in his expression. Very funny actually. Because next second he was called big brother and he was hilariously ticked off. He could not believe what he was being called. Lol that interaction though. It showed how close they ended up being. Even more close than he was to his own brother.

But he accepted the title even if with much pain in his neck and then was really offended when Jaken badmouthed Kagome.

Conclusion: No one badmouths Kagome.

Haaha....end of this long analysis. I tried to analyse it from the character's pov and found some interesting small tidbits and detail that RT had hidden in this story.

Thus I felt that SK would be a more natural ship maybe not outright. Since Sess loves her truly but does not understand the nature of the relation and Kags is still too much blinded by Inu filter a.t.m. Maybe given years when Kags will realise exactly what sort of love she feels for Inu. Which will happen because such a toxic relation like IK should not exist and then she will probably see Sess's love for her.

My Conclusion: SK is a defintive. It will happen with some time and care. When both would mature. But it will happen for sure. All the ingredients are there, the stage has been set just the players have to realise what they feel for each other.

#inuyasha #anime #sesskag #kagome #sesshomaru #kagome x sesshomaru

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marmarparadoxa · 3 years

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I always read opinions about hanji post time skip and ch 132 they say her decision to sacrifice herself was the decision of a suicidal person because of how inadequate she felt as a commander and unable to live up to erwin’s legacy or things like yams ruined Hanji’s character and was treated by him as unimportant character useless weak or gave up easily and was just there until armin grow up to be commander. As a hanji fan I feel so disappointed in hanji's treatment. What do you think?

Hi! I’m sorry to hear you feel like that as an Hange fan, and I’m aware that you’re not the only one who sees it that way. However, I felt very disoriented at first, when I started reading these opinions, because my experience about Hange’s character in reading the manga was very different from yours. Although I also have my complaints, I actually think that Hange had their time to shine in the last arcs, and moments and scenes and speeches for which I think I came to understand them better, and loved them and all the more felt proud of them, so I can’t say I feel disappointed by their treatment.

For one thing, I don’t think their decision to sacrifice themselves was the decision of a suicidal person. Hange never manifested any sort of suicidal ideation to begin with (as for instance, obviously Reiner did, and somewhat Armin - when he said, in reference to the serum bowl, that it wasn’t him, the one whom they should have revived), and overall, they never gave me the impression of someone willing to throw their life away. It’s true that they didn’t feel worthy of Erwin’s legacy, and blamed themselves for not having been able to show Eren alternative solutions. You can see, in certain moments, how much these thoughts made them doubt their value as commander. However, Hange was not the type of person who would let themselves be led astray by these thoughts, nor shy away from their responsibilities, to cry over themselves - and back to chapter 71, we can see what was their opinion of people who’d do that, in their reaction at Keith Shadis’ story.

Shadis shirked from his role as commander, because he wasn’t “special”, because he didn’t feel equal to his role. In learning that, Hange, for once, was not very sympathetic, but reacted very harshly, and labeled Shadis’ motivations as “childish reasons” and “inferiority complex”. And I think it was not only because they used to admire and have a crush for him once that they felt so outraged at that point, but mostly because of the kind of person Hange had always been. They were an incredibly strong-willed, resilient and self-denying person, who fiercely believed in the ideal they decided to dedicate their life to, and thus felt offended in learning about Shadis’ petty self-concern. And this is how Hange concluded their tirade against the poor Shadis that day: “Isn’t that what it means to cast away your own life and dedicate your heart to the greater good?”. And this leads to a further important point.

Being suicidal, or more or less actively seeking your own death for the sake of your own death, is a different thing from being prepared to altruistically give up on your own life, for the better good. And in view of the above, I’m convinced that Hange’s sacrifice falls under the second sort. In their very last moment, Hange was not thinking about their own misfortunes, but was still looking for the plan to take off, because they wanted to make sure that they could save their friends, and with them, the last chance for salvation for humanity.

So I didn’t like the briskness of the chapter, and I had a hard time suspending my disbelief at Floch having survived Gabi’s shot, and throughout the whole trip of the ship. That was not good-writing, and obviously Isayama wanted to kill off Hange, for whatever reason. But their readiness to take up their responsibilities, and sacrificing their life, was nonetheless consistent with the kind of person Hange has always been. When I think about their sacrifice, their speech to pastor Nick, on top of the walls, in chapter 34 always comes to my mind: “Do you know what exactly we in the Survey Corps have spilled our blood for? To take back the freedom the titans stole from us. For that cause...our lives were a small price to pay.” The Survey Corps required its members to devote their lives, their flesh, their hearts to its cause, and Hange was aware of that.

And when it comes down to it, what exactly could have Hange done to avoid their sacrifice? They couldn’t send any precious titan shifters (to Reiner’s chagrin) and of course they wouldn’t have sent any of the remaining kids (Mikasa, Jean or Connie), to go sacrifice themselves, instead of taking responsibility for their decisions. Levi, at that time, could barely stand up straight. So it had to be them.

I think that Hange was even more courageous, and their sacrifice was all the more admirable (and more painful for me) if you consider that Hange, though willing to take their responsibilities, and committed to their purpose, didn’t actually want to die. Their leaving the kids was so swift, rushed, and they didn’t show how scared they were. But it became manifest when they were asking Levi to let them go, and when he put his fist above their heart, and told them to dedicate their heart, their lips curved downward, and then they laughed it off, and flew away. They downplayed their feelings and rushed, so to be able to leave Levi and the kids - the people they loved - behind. Death, for them, didn’t come as a release from sufference or a crushing burden, but they accepted and went toward it nonetheless.

Then, if we want to address Hange’s character general treatment post time-skip, I think it’d be better to first briefly observe what was Isayama’s general treatment of all Paradis characters, post time-skip. My general impression is that, having come into play all those new different characters from Marley, which asked for narrative space and development, and the plot which had to keep going on, somehow there wasn’t space and time to a proper treatment of the old cast, so that its members, more or less, became rather static and passive.

However, I didn’t perceive Hange’s character as being “unimportant, useless, weak, or giving up easily, who was just there until Armin grew up to be commander”, as you said. In those four years, Hange had a most important role - they were the one who directed their first encounters with Marleyans ships, and talked to their members, and initiated their alliance. Among all Paradis’ political figures, together with Pixis Hange was the one who most took part in negotiations and diplomacy, and worked hard to give Paradis a future. They were shown happily getting excited over Marleyans’ inventions, overcoming Marleyans’ hostilities. And then there’s that beautiful scene, when they restored hope for the kids, proposing the trip to Marley, and then expressing the Survey Corps’ ideal. Later on, when Eren betrayed them in Liberio, when in the dungeon he threatened them, and then when the Jeagerists organized and Floch sequestered them, of course Hange felt let down, disheartened, and powerless, and doubted their value. However, given the circumstances, I wonder how these reactions would spoil Hange’s character, where in fact they are most understandable, and human. It made me sad to see Hange suffer that way (the scene where they were shooting at those SC soldiers and crying, and then seeing how Sannes’ words were still haunting them was painful to see), but it was also interesting to see more of their vulnerable side. And so, it was even more remarkable to see what they were able to do, despite the seemingly hopeless conditions, after Eren initiated the Rumbling - Hange didn’t give up easily at all. It was them who gathered the Alliance. They spoke with Magath, and Pieck, and thus persuaded previous enemies to join forces. Then they went and found Mikasa and Jean, and asked them to help them. And, in the morally wavering atmosphere after the start of the Rumbling, the scene of “I’m not accepting genocide!! You’re not getting me to agree with any reason to support this!!”, and their following speech was so powerful, meaningful, and important.

In conclusion, Hange kept on being Hange till the end, I think - they were still the playful, optimist crazy titan scientist (I mean, they asked Pieck’s Cart titan if she ever brushed her teeth in her titan form XD), and, in the bleakest moment, they didn’t lose hope (“It might not work out today...but maybe someday”), they were still keeping on looking to the future.

And I want to add one more thing, in regards to the “afterlife” scene. I imagine that a lot of people (myself included) felt let down when Isayama stated that it was only a “revolving lantern”. But now I think that it doesn’t really matter whether that's just something Hange’s mind created, or an actual afterlife plane. It was an unexpected act of kindness from Isayama, which completed Hange’s arc in a somehow uplifting note. Hange got reunited with their friends, and saw the plane, flying above them (so they knew their sacrifice was not in vain). And then Erwin told them “You did well”. That’s the message Isayama wanted to give us about Hange, and, if nothing else, I feel grateful for that.

#hange zoe #snk meta #hanji zoe #erwin smith #armin arlert #reiner braun #keith shadis #levi ackerman #pieck finger #jean kirschtien #mikasa ackerman #this got longer than i intended #apparently I needed to get this out of my chest ^^#snk 132 #tw suidice

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aiyexayen · 3 years

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re: that "I'll live for you post" - WHERE'S THE ESSAY

this post? [innocent face]

alright, alright, JUST TWIST MY ARM WHY DON'T YOU, just force me to talk more about my boys!

4.9k word essay under the cut

Wei Wuxian

Let us take a look at Wei Wuxian first. Wei Wuxian has no problems throwing himself in-between the people he loves and danger, or even certain death. Hell, sometimes he just throws himself into it for fun and profit!

To some extent, putting yourself in danger to help others and being willing to die is something of a cultivator thing in general, a hero thing in general, right? And Wei Wuxian is a prodigy, exceptionally strong and clever, so he has more reason than most to be a little cavalier. But most of the point of training so hard as a cultivator and getting strong and aligning yourself with a sect is kind of so you can be in real danger of dying as little as possible, one would presume.

So we're going to set aside the danger-as-a-profession thing for now, because I think it's only tangentially related.

The real point is, Wei Wuxian is sacrificial to a fault. If there is a problem, he decides he's the one who needs to fix it. And his first go-to solution is to throw himself at it, to give up anything of himself if it's viable. As clever as he is, if he finds a workable solution that involves his own sacrifice, he doesn't stop to look for anything else.

Some of it is pride--not wanting to admit he needs help from anyone else, and the shame of being seen as weak.

Some of it is arrogance--a very natural kind given his competence, the presumption that he knows best in a given situation (neurodivergent arrogance walking hand-in-hand with self-esteem issues is always a fun time).

Some of it is appropriate--ranging from his own moral imperative to protect the weak and do what's right to his understanding of his place in culture and in his own sect and relationships.

Some of it is a natural bent toward caretaking, "fixing," and heroics--someone has to do it, so it's going to be Wei Wuxian. He won't hesitate to take initiative in any other area of life, and this is no exception.

And some of it, yes, is a lack of value placed in his own life--between a more youthful, dramatic perspective on 'I would die for you/for this cause' taking priority in his worldview, and some genuine self-esteem issues. Issues largely stemming from his uncertain place in the world growing up and his uncertain relationship with parental/guardian/master and other familial figures, all stewing under the surface and brought to light sharply when the world went to shit and choices were made and he lost or seemed to have lost everything from his reputation to his home to his extant support structures. The paranoia and voices in his head (the ptsd and resentful-energy-as-ptsd-metaphor both) only drove that home.

Basically, Wei Wuxian was already trending in some unfortunate directions but his circumstances and the people surrounding him kept him grounded, and the events of the story as it unfolded really pushed him all in. No one thing or one person--even Wei Wuxian himself--is really to blame for that, which is the beauty of the story really.

I also think Wei Wuxian started to buy into some of his own stories at his lowest points--the things he said or came up with, lies he told publicly, justifications he made for his choices once the heat of the moment and the panic was over. Justifications he made to himself and to others. He purposefully led people to believe much that was incorrect about him and his character and his status, to which the response was distaste and horror, and even though he planned it that way in order to push everyone away I really think he started to believe it himself. Depression and trauma are just really fun times.

I'm getting a bit off-topic.

The point remains, Wei Wuxian is extremely sacrificial. He comes by much of it naturally, and not nearly all of it is bad or melodrama or angst or even unhealthy or problematic. It's one of his good qualities, too, and it's one of the ways he knows how to love.

All of the threads weaving together to make Wei Wuxian and the situations he finds himself sacrificing things in are all true, but it also really comes down to love. He loved Jiang Cheng enough to sacrifice his everything and risk his life doing so. He loved his sect enough he was willing to sacrifice his right hand. He loved his sect enough to sacrifice his very ties to it. He loved Lan Zhan enough to sacrifice their friendship. He loved Jin Ling enough to sacrifice himself to the curse he got in the Nie tombs. (And more!)

Wei Wuxian loved, and so he sacrificed. Thus, the initial post.

Jiang Cheng

Let's switch gears for a moment and talk about my darling Jiang Wanyin.

Ah, Jiang Cheng, Jiang Cheng. Taking the initiative and sacrificing at the drop of a hat and so forth are not really characteristics of Jiang Cheng's the same way they are for Wei Wuxian.

And yet, is he not also a disciple of Yunmeng Jiang; is he not also a young hero? Has he not pride, and the incentive to do good?

Does he not also see love as sacrifice?

Zi Zhizhu was his mother. The woman who sacrificed to get Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian to safety. The woman who killed herself and crawled across the ground to hold her husband's hand in death.

You think she wasn't Like That the whole time? You think Jiang Cheng picked up nothing of such behaviours from her, even before that day?

Hah.

Besides which, there's absolutely an underlying theme of Jiang Cheng trying to be like Wei Wuxian for much of their lives.

Partially just...Wei Wuxian, strong and clever and popular shige, always manages to get credit and glory and good stories and good favour, exemplary of the Jiang motto--the one Jiang Cheng's own name is tied to. They were supposed to be shuangjie, besides. How could he not want to be like him at least a bit? If nothing else, it's a little brother's curse.

And partially this is also due to Jiang Cheng's parents and that whole Situation.

It was complicated for so many reasons, and absolutely left Jiang Cheng feeling inferior to Wei Wuxian. As though he needed to be more like Wei Wuxian, to emulate him, in order to be worthy of his title and station and inheritance, something that turned out to be categorically untrue in the end. There are many kinds of leaders, and many kinds of strengths.

As an aside, I personally think that's something Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan knew, themselves, as adults and leaders and political figures in their own rights. Adults often don't realise or think about how the things they say can influence children's entire worldviews and senses of self (why, no, I don't speak from experience, why would you ask such a thing ahaha).

Jiang-zongzhu and Zi Zhizhu got a lot of their own relationship difficulties and misunderstandings and conflicts and conflicting attempts to want the best for their children (and ward) tangled up in everything. I think if they'd ever been able to speak plainly, if they could manifest into the Ancestral Hall and speak to Jiang Cheng, they would say so.

Just as Jiang Cheng would have cause to be horrified by much of what Wei Wuxian believed about himself, I think Jiang Cheng's parents would have cause to be horrified by much of what Jiang Cheng believed. (I mean, and Wei Wuxian, probably.)

Anyway.

Jiang Cheng has plenty of reasons to aspire to those same ideals of sacrifice. And it's not just aspirations, either--we see him follow through.

He walked outside from that inn, saw Wei Wuxian in danger, and made a decision in the space of a single breath--a decision with full understanding, too. He knew he was giving up his entire life for Wei Wuxian's. He said goodbye in his head.

I would argue (and I'm sure I've said this before somewhere too) that his sacrifice was the purest example of this in the entire story.

Perhaps some of it is that many of Wei Wuxian's sacrifices are premeditated and just about all of them have alternative solutions that don't involve him just diving in and giving pieces of himself up.

That isn't to say that Wei Wuxian wouldn't see a sword aimed at Jiang Cheng and take the blow himself. But we never see him do that, exactly. As much as Jiang Cheng has internalised this ideal of Wei Wuxian's, he both encounters fewer of these situations and has other problem-solving tactics in his repertoire.

The way Jiang Cheng hates himself doesn't lead him to think of himself as disposable. I could get into a (very amateur) discussion of negative schemas formed in childhood and their various similarities and differences, and the different ways Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian's brains appear to work (Jiang Cheng sees himself as inferior, while Wei Wuxian willfully dehumanises himself in other ways), but basically, it's simply a different set of psychological issues.

But! When he is faced with the choice, Jiang Cheng absolutely dies for the ones he loves.

He loves his sect and his family, and he internalises love as sacrifice, and when it comes down to an extreme moment he chooses to die for them.

And then he doesn't die.

And then the war happens.

Jiang Cheng's Growth

There are a lot of reasons for Jiang Cheng to grow in this area, and I think it starts with inheriting the sect.

(This leads to excellent thoughts about What If Wei Wuxian Had Somehow Become Sect Leader but that's an au for another day.)

If sect heir was a position full of responsibility and reputation management, how much more so is zongzhu? Jiang Cheng is suddenly responsible for all these people. Whether he's good enough or not doesn't even matter. The job is there and it's inescapable and he's the only one there to do it.

I'm absolutely sure he still has all kinds of inferiority shit he's dealing with by post-timeskip and he only just gets to touch on some pieces of resolution by the end of the story, with the one person still in the world who would even know anything about the life that gave it to him.

Jiang Cheng has been responsible for people before, in small ways--night hunts and such, I'm sure, and he was certainly in charge of the Yunmeng Jiang disciples who went to Cloud Recesses. But being at the top of that hierarchy entirely is such a different matter, and he did so at a very young age and in a very fraught time.

The fact that he had to deal with all this new responsibility and duty to people more than his family and to causes greater than the first people in need he encounters is a huge perspective shift. Especially as a sect with nothing to give and no wiggle room where it comes not only to basic resources post-war, but to things like reputation and political standing. This is, of course, a huge facet to the conflict between him and Wei Wuxian (and the Wen remnants) at that point in the story.

But on a personal level it also speaks to the sacrifice thing. If Jiang Cheng sacrifices his life, he is not just sacrificing his own life anymore.

When he gave up his life for Wei Wuxian, he had not yet inherited. His parents were only barely gone. There was nothing to inherit. There was no surety of there ever being something to inherit ever again. Everything else was already gone. It was only the three of them, barely surviving, running for their lives. It was only him and Wei Wuxian in a street, and one of them had to die.

But once he inherits? He's a commander. He's a leader. He has all the knowledge and all the networking connections. He has the reputation. He has the social standing. He might still have a long way to go in developing his skills, but he has a natural leadership ability and he does have training appropriate to his station.

What happens if he personally sacrifices his life? What happens to all of that? What happens to everyone depending on him?

That's not very satisfying, very epic-worthy. That's not very dramatic or romantic. It's gradual, and messy, that kind of change and realisation. Becoming that kind of person. Making choices based in that reality. Deciding that you do not belong to yourself.

And I think it really comes to a head when his siblings die.

I think it comes to a head personally. Not just in his role as Jiang-zongzhu. We don't see Jiang Cheng choose not to die, in as many words. But we certainly see him choose to live.

Or, perhaps, we see the evidence of that choice.

Jiang Cheng could have faded away. He could have started delegating all his responsibilities, gotten help from other sects, trained up a replacement. He could have made such things necessary by getting more and more reclusive. He could have pulled a Qingheng-Jun.

Hell, with a-jie gone already, he could have just said fuck this and followed Wei Wuxian off that cliff, and if you don't think he wonders about that sometimes--at least at first--then we have very different interpretations of Jiang Cheng as a person.

And no, none of those are sacrifice. But at some point, he still chose to do the opposite.

He chose every day to live for his sect, to keep growing it into something powerful and secure. He took that vow that he made and he fucking stuck to it.

And he chose to live for Jin Ling.

I don't half wonder if that was a bigger driving force at first than anything else.

Jiang Cheng could absolutely have left Jin Ling to be raised by his Jin family in the absence of his parents and fucked off to hide away in Yunmeng and had nothing to do with him. He could have done a lot of things, let himself develop in a lot of ways, unhealthy ways.

But he so very clearly did not.

Jin Ling and Jiang Cheng have a close relationship. Jin Ling defers to Jiang Cheng, is answerable to him on night hunts and beyond them. It's never questioned why he's basically just in the Yunmeng Jiang party by himself. Yunmeng Jiang disciples answer to Jin Ling in turn, follow his orders without question in the absence of their zongzhu. It's a Yunmeng Jiang disciple who hands Xianzi off to Jin Ling outside the Guanyin Temple in Yunping, and Jiang Cheng is intimately familiar with Xianzi's commands and is apparently a trusted person to give them (which, we find out, Jin Guangyao is not.)

As much as Jiang Cheng is not good at saying what he means, and especially after everything he's been through his softer bits have grown harder and harder carapace around them, Jin Ling never seems to misunderstand what Jiang Cheng means. They snipe at each other and snark and bitch and roll their eyes and so clearly love each other.

Jiang Cheng's love for Jin Ling shines brightly the second you know how to interpret Jiang Cheng, and Jin Ling absolutely does. Jin Ling's trust in Jiang Cheng is incredible.

Jin Ling is practically Yunmeng Jiang's heir, and practically Jiang Cheng's son.

That sort of thing doesn't just happen, because you're related or whatever. In fact, the story goes out of its way to present blood relations not being close, especially father figures.

Which means from a young age, Jin Ling knew Jiang Cheng's love. Jiang Cheng, struggling young zongzhu of a struggling newly-rebuilt sect, who just lost everything, barely more than a kid himself, figured out he needed to not only stay alive, but needed to live for Jin Ling.

He needed to teach him everything, needed to figure out how to be the best of his own father and mother, and the best of Jin Ling's father and mother, and live up to every lost bit of love Jin Ling should have had, and try, and try, no matter how unworthy or unfit or inferior he felt. No matter how much he fucked up and didn't know. No matter how much grief he was dealing with. No matter how many people hated him and how few friends he had. No matter how much there was to do. No matter how overwhelming the endless tide of days, of forever in front of him felt, horrible and empty of everyone that had come before. Jiang Cheng still chose to live.

He carved out that new life because of love. He didn't die for anyone, and he didn't die for anyone's memory. He lived.

"I never thought I'd be worth the work it would take to piece myself together," but he did, for his sect, his disciples, his family's legacy, his siblings' memories, and Jin Ling.

And, as a bonus knife, the things we see him chide Jin Ling the most for? Are specifically things Wei Wuxian would have done, and even things he would have done in following him. Grandstanding, not asking for help when needed, wandering off alone, making unnecessary sacrifices.

Wei Wuxian's Growth

That brings us to Wei Wuxian coming back. And, well, the boy still has a long way to go. He goes through a lot of kinds of growth post-timeskip. And I think this is one of them.

For one, he's already fucking died once.

Honestly, almost ironically, that death wasn't even fully a sacrifice. Perhaps in some ways it was, in some ways he internalised that it was. But regardless, after all his sacrificing, he finally died. And, much like Jiang Cheng's sacrifice, it didn't stick. He woke back up. Albeit 16 years later.

Now, he wasn't keen on dying, or he maybe would have just gone back. But that doesn't mean he'd suddenly decided to live for anyone rather than die for them.

And, indeed, we still see that side of him come back with him in full force. He starts off by deciding he will just live this new life without Jiang Cheng and Lan Zhan altogether.

I think, for Wei Wuxian, this matter of sacrifice ends up being tied into a lot of other pieces of his growth--none of it happens independently of each other.

First, he is shown and told that he is wanted. That's the first thing. He cannot simply go on without inconveniencing/endangering/roping anyone else into his shit because his ties to other people don't work in only one direction. He is wanted.

Lan Zhan wants to be at his side, has not forgotten him, and loves him unwaveringly. That is a huge first step, right there at the beginning, when Lan Zhan grabs his hand, and they make eye contact, and by the time Lan Zhan turns to look away Wei Wuxian is grabbing his hand back desperately and that pretty much says everything it needs to right there.

The idea that Wei Wuxian can act at all without having any negative affect on anyone tied to him is something we see even outside the concept of sacrifice--how many times before his death, even before his defection, do we see him say things like "you can insult me, but don't involve the Yunmeng Jiang sect" like. Like. Wei Wuxian please. That's not how this works. That's not how any of this works.

So I think him realising that other people will willingly be tied to him and there's nothing he can do about it, that his actions affect the people who care about him all the time, is something he still has to learn/relearn even after everything that happened leading up to his death. I think, in particular, Wei Wuxian realising that it's not just his mistakes and fuckups that affect people, but his intentional actions, too. Like sacrifices. Even if they're at his own expense. Because people care and that's okay and good.

Lan Zhan drives that home with things like noticing that Wei Wuxian has transferred Jin Ling's curse to his own leg, and then insisting on carrying him.

Lan Zhan notices. Lan Zhan cares. This act of sacrifice does not end with Wei Wuxian suffering. It has cascading effects, even something this small. It is, perhaps, more effective a lesson on a small scale with fewer complexities woven in, than it would be on the larger scale issues he dealt with before his death.

This idea that his sacrifices affect people beyond him is carried through the rest of the story, too, from the way everyone seems to fret about him after the Burial Mounds and Lan Sizhui runs to hold him, down to the fact that he has to answer for how his sacrifice of his golden core to Jiang Cheng affects Jiang Cheng. Both the absence of his own golden core being a catalyst for a lot of other shit, and finding out about the core transfer actually fucking Jiang Cheng up. Which, it turns out, Wei Wuxian kind of knew would happen, he just thought he could get away with not dealing with it if he kept the secret better.

Wei Wuxian can't escape his sacrifices and his actions having an effect on those around him, the ones who care and the ones he cares about, or even the object of his sacrifice, and he really does have to have that hammered home.

He also deals with growth related to his pride and arrogance. He learns how to be weak, he learns how to have alternate forms of strength, he learns how to let others in, and let others stand with him.

Most of this is related to Lan Zhan, and I've already covered it at least somewhat in another meta, but it relates back to this, because those are two driving forces behind his sacrificial nature.

If Wei Wuxian is allowed to be weak, is allowed to hesitate, is allowed to go to others for help, is allowed to look for alternative solutions, that sets a better precedent for cutting down on the habitual self-sacrifice tendencies.

Additionally, he learns that others can and will stand with him in his sacrifices, when they are necessary.

Look at the way he pushes Lan Zhan away on the steps of Jinlintai, but Lan Zhan steps back toward him, and draws his sword, and declares his love before heaven and earth, saying in as many words that Wei Wuxian need not walk his path alone, and they fight together.

And the next time Wei Wuxian goes to sacrifice? In the Burial Mounds? He doesn't even think twice before volunteering Lan Zhan to stand with him. His entire plan revolves around the idea that Lan Zhan will stand with him--without even consulting Lan Zhan--and in doing so, they may be able to prevent Wei Wuxian from actually sacrificing his life.

Already we see him internalising a lot of that growth. He doesn't need to grandstand or prove himself; he doesn't care what everyone there thinks of him, and for the ones he does care about he is secure in their regard for him. He doesn't first attempt to sacrifice himself and be bait to draw the fierce corpses away while everyone including Lan Zhan runs off. He doesn't have to be convinced to accept Lan Zhan as part of his plan. He doesn't have to have Lan Zhan simply stay behind and then deal with the addition of him later.

Compare, if you will, the Xuanwu cave. Wei Wuxian absolutely expected everyone else to leave while he drew its attention, and Lan Zhan staying was not part of his original plan. Yes, later on they attacked the Xuanwu together, but that was different entirely. At first, he was just being bait to get everyone else to safety.

In the Burial Mounds? He's already worked Lan Zhan having his back into his plans.

It's still a sacrifice, but he's come a really long way about it.

So now that we've mitigated some of the sacrificial tendencies, modulated their effects on his choices, we come down to the "live for you instead of die for you" issue.

My positing that Wei Wuxian has reached this point by the end of the story has a lot more to do with having seen the patterns of his growth, watching the way he interacted with Jiang Cheng regarding the issue of the golden core transfer being revealed, watching the way he interacted with Jiang Cheng and Lan Zhan in general evolve, and watching him allow himself to have more and more attachments by the end of the story. And getting the overall vibe that living is now important, and there are things to live for in this world now that he's back in it.

However, if I had to narrow it down to one moment to exemplify this, I would point to the moment where he's caught around the neck by Jin Guangyao.

Wei Wuxian absolutely knows that if Lan Zhan sheathes Bichen, they're all fucked. Lan Zhan could easily take everyone here who would fight him, but not if he sheathes his sword and seals his spiritual power. And at this point it's increasingly likely that if they let themselves be captured they're simply not going to make it out alive. None of them. No matter what Jin Guangyao says.

Lan Zhan's best chance for survival and Jin Guangyao's best chance at being brought to justice/captured are one and the same in this moment--Lan Zhan keeping his sword, and either taking Jin Guangyao down himself or escaping to go fetch the assembled sect leaders and such at Lotus Pier.

Wei Wuxian knows this. It's why he begs Lan Zhan to be okay with his death and to do this Right Thing anyway.

Lan Zhan is not, and does not.

I don't think Wei Wuxian is surprised by this, to be fair.

But he could have ensured it would happen. He could have ensured that Jin Guangyao would go down. He could have ensured, more importantly, that Lan Zhan lived. He could have prevented Lan Zhan from sheathing Bichen to begin with.

He could have sacrificed himself.

It would have been incredibly easy at that point. All he had to do was fight back instead of hold still. Jin Guangyao was not bluffing, probably, though he just as surely knew if Wei Wuxian died then he was next, he counted on everyone wanting Wei Wuxian alive more than they wanted him dead. So if Wei Wuxian had tried to fight back or escape, he would have died.

Jin Guangyao would have been shocked, very very briefly. The resulting chaos would have seen everyone in custody who needed to be. Perfect.

And, you know, Lan Zhan would have been once more Wei-Ying-less.

Wei Wuxian very notably does not make this sacrifice. Even if it means they get captured. Even if it means they likely die together instead of only one of them dying. Even if that math is terrible on the surface of it.

He doesn't make Lan Zhan watch him die again. He doesn't presume that his loss means nothing. He doesn't presume that his life is not worth it, that his sacrifice is worth it.

Wei Wuxian actively chooses to live. He chooses to live for Lan Zhan. For the chance that they will both find a way out, and if they don't, then they are together in this and that matters more.

And he keeps making that choice. At no point in the confrontation with Jin Guangyao, for all those hours and hours and hours of back and forth and monologuing in that damned temple, does Wei Wuxian try to grandstand or throw himself sacrificially into the mix in any way. He is always working with everyone there to whatever extent possible, to the ends that everyone (including people he cedes the political superiority to) decides upon. He releases ownership of the situation, of needing to fix the situation, of needing to fix the situation by giving himself up.

I've been writing this so long I'm starting to lose the threads of my own thoughts, but yeah.

By the end, I think Wei Wuxian learns a lot and grows a lot and finally hits the point that Jiang Cheng hit years and years prior.

"I never thought I'd be worth the work it would take to piece myself together," but he was confronted with the idea of it again and again until it had to stick, and so he did. For Lan Zhan, for Lan Sizhui, for Jin Ling, for the other juniors.

I do think there will always be some element of self-sacrifice to Wei Wuxian's character that remain unchanged. He is a caretaker and a fixer at the heart of him. He is a big brother and I think maturity has only expanded that trait. He's also notably not a leader, and to some extent he does belong to himself both more and less than he ever could before his death.

But that doesn't have to be a bad thing. And it doesn't negate him embracing the idea of living for the ones he loves, getting better for the ones he loves, and letting them keep him in their lives.

I'd like to think that this piece of character growth is another significant thing in favour of Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng being able to forge not just a healthy relationship but a healthier relationship post-canon than they may have ever had before, or at least in a very long time.

#you would not believe how long this took to write out #why am i like this #my meta #unedited #the untamed #the untamed meta #jiang cheng #jiang wanyin #wei ying #wei wuxian #sacrifice #i may or may not be accepting constructive criticism at this time #this whole thing was probably terribly redundant but i'm too lazy to reread it and edit

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dadsbongos · 3 years

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Alright, so, I'm well aware that the antag series revolves around her and Hajime, but I kinda wanna know more about her relationship with Nagito, Mikan, and Kazuichi during the tragedy and after the neo world program

I'm really hooked to this series, but can you blame me lmao-

i can’t blame you nonny, antag reader series is literally all i think about anymore, literal brain rot. this is basically just like?? a character analysis essay type thing? i’m so sorry it’s so long, i just got soooo into it

Request for: antag reader (Mikan Tsumiki, Kazuichi Souda, Nagito Komaeda) Warnings: despair things, face swap mention, spoilers, manipulation and bad friending :( ~~~

Mikan Tsumiki (and like a pinch of Junko Enoshima):

The Tragedy: So basically the whole thing with (Y/n) is that her parents were just so overcritical to the point where it rooted her complex and felt like they never loved her, right? So basically, Junko was able to attack that by showing her the bare minimum affection and introducing Mikan into the mix, who was in a similar boat with being unloved. Junko made them both feel as though she was the best love they could ever have and then made them compete for it at any opportunity she could.

Mikan always loved Junko but she doesn’t love (Y/n) the same way and vice versa, despite that, they do both care for each other very deeply. They desire no relationship in each other and even view each other as rivals who happen to find somewhat of a friendship together. Mikan thinks, and always has, that (Y/n) is much more talented and worthy of Junko than she is. However, (Y/n), being deeply insecure far below the surface - never stopped thinking that Mikan was more beautiful and worthy of Junko than she was.

They find both comfort and hatred in each other due to Junko making them act as competition. They both know the pain of Junko’s rejection but they also both know that if the other was out of the way, they could have Junko all to themselves.

When (Y/n) found out Mikan took Junko’s womb, it was a betrayal due to the fact that she didn’t know beforehand, Mikan had never said anything about taking Junko’s uterus. And on top of that, she found out that Mikan had tried conceiving a despair child during their separation. Even though neither of them loves each other, they know their relationship can be viewed as lovers - they often view it as such themselves - and so, (Y/n) felt as though Mikan had cheated on her. She basically had. Even so, she still knows that nothing could make her hate Mikan, she doesn’t love her as she did Junko, but she loves her more than any other woman she’d ever known. Mikan is the only grounding she’s ever known and the only person to ever relate to her on such an intimate level.

Going back to the feeling of Mikan being prettier than her, (Y/n) stole Junko’s face entirely because of that feeling of inferiority. She never told Mikan because she was ashamed to admit that she was insecure, it would make her imperfect to be insecure.

Overall, she’s never loved Mikan as a girlfriend but they’ve always been all the other had during The Tragedy despite their ‘rivalry’ and insecurities surrounding the other.

After Neoworld: (Y/n) is definitely nervous to be around Mikan because of their history with each other and Junko. Before Mikan wakes up from the program she’s constantly worried about if the nurse will hate her or be disgusted by her. The way Mikan had treated her right before her execution hinted at some tenderness buried beneath discontent, but that could always change. When Mikan wakes up she immediately looks for (Y/n) on pure instinct.

They definitely try to help each other heal and cope with Junko’s manipulation and lies. They both have come to realize that Junko never loved either of them and they didn’t love each other - any of the comforts they had gathered in The Tragedy was a lie and they help each other through that realization.

“You’re more than what she made you.” is a common phrase between them because they know she only made them compete for her own entertainment and their despair.

It was cruel and they have to live with every emotional and physical scar from that time. But they still have each other.

Any sense of rivalry has dripped away from their bond and is now wholly intertwined by genuine friendship and connection. By their experiences and how they’re growing away from Junko and into themselves. Eventually, all their conversations stop being about Junko and healing and start being about a pretty shell Mikan found on the beach. Or how the water looks so inviting, they should go for a swim.

Or how the chairs need repainting.

Or how some flowers outside the front door would be lovely.

Or how good breakfast was this morning.

Kazuichi Souda:

The Tragedy: Kazuichi wasn’t as “enamored” with (Y/n) as he was Sonia, but he respected her Ultimate and higher intelligence enough to also refer to her as ‘miss’ when they went to school. Though he largely stopped calling her ‘Miss (Y/n)’ during The Tragedy he still respects her a lot and is even a little scared of her sometimes. Again, she’s way smarter than he is - she’s not a super genius like Izuru but she’s a smart cookie and he’s not so delusional to think he’s near her in intellect. So the fact she can copy his Ultimate status and be smarter than most people in their class is quite intimidating for him at times.

Because of the confidence she projects and her charisma and, again, higher intelligence than his, he often follows her word and example without much thought. Like if he saw her jump off a cliff, he would probably go along with it because he knows she probably has some plan to get out of the situation safely.

(Y/n) views Kazuichi sort of as a little brother - but one that follows you around like a puppy and always bugs you. She doesn’t expect much other than blind support from him and kind of accepts that he’s her “sidekick” so to speak. They didn’t view each other as equals or even true comrades - (Y/n) was always just better and that went unquestioned. She definitely used him to gain without putting much thought into the long-term of their relationship.

After Neoworld: Kazuichi had regained his memories in chunks as they left the program and at least could recall being so-called friends with (Y/n). When they awoke, they didn’t talk to each other that often since Kazuichi was extremely bitter about how she’d treated them all in the program (and him as a Remnant) and so she was left alone with Hajime.

It’s only as she actually begins healing and expressing more humane traits that he starts talking to her again. Neither apologizes for anything specific, they just aren’t those kinds of people and both parties can let it go easy enough - they’d both done horrific things and they know that. He invites her into his warehouse to take apart the Monokumas, he offers to go on walks along the beach with her - he finds it nice to be in her presence again.

Because even after what they’d been through, I feel like he does still deeply respect her due to her talent. He just also has gained more confidence in himself while in the program and therefore has more sense to not let her control his actions. Which, he finds that she hasn’t tried doing and that always encourages him to keep coming back.

Kazuichi thrives on positive feedback and (Y/n) knows this, so every time she can she’s expressing how much he means to her as a dear companion - both of them being hesitant to actually label themselves friends. Especially Kazuichi, who had already been hit by poor friendship and trust issues, remembering that (Y/n) used him during The Tragedy makes his brain go fuzzy on how he feels about her. Sometimes he’s angry and other times he forgives her wholeheartedly because he knows she’s sick and he wants her to be able to maintain the friendships that he’s able to.

I think it’s after she apologizes to everyone, pre-Nagito waking up but post Gundham and Nekomaru, that he really just lets go of everything.

It’s not easy to forget that he was just her tool but he knows that she’s better now and they start hanging out more often, by themselves, having a good ol’ time talking about absolute nonsense.

Respect turns into admiration.

Nagito Komaeda:

The Tragedy: So I’d already mentioned that (Y/n) influenced him into becoming Servant, but I wanna expand on that before digging into anything else. At heart, Nagito is a people pleaser to the Ultimates, and none more than the copycat who can master pretty much anything she wants. During their school years, she didn’t see anyone as her equal and that resonated with Nagito’s inferiority complex and while she hates people who have no confidence, she would hate to be like everyone else more. So she kinda just accepted the servitude that came with befriending Nagito on the first day of school up until The Tragedy where he practically begged her to take him with her wherever she went.

She was the first one to really hold onto his chain, both literally and metaphorically. He joined the Ultimate Despair with Junko to create a despair to overcome, but only (Y/n) was allowed to actually touch him - or else he started throwing a huge fit.

In order to spread despair and crush Nagito’s everlasting obsession with hope, she probably intentionally ignores and neglects him when he needs her.

This largely means when he’s mourning/remembering his parents and dog or his illnesses or when he’s falling into despair and needs her to pull him out, she’s just watching and doing nothing.

In fact, when Nagito had brought up his plans to join the Warriors of Hope he was really hoping she’d speak against it, and she didn’t. She actually encouraged it. Pushing him to leave her alone and join the WOH. It hurt, of course, it would, but he left all the same and they hadn’t spoken since despite their ‘friendship’. (Y/n) never bothered going after him, again to crush his love of hope.

She left him unhinged, alone, sick to fend for himself until he found the WOH, and even when he found them - she didn’t seem to care whether they let him live or killed him.

After Neoworld: Honestly? To say that she mourns Nagito, and her entire relationship with Nagito, is a huge fucking understatement. Especially as the others begin waking up and Hajime helps her grow, she just gets more and more depressed over her situation with Nagito. And as he takes longer and longer to wake up, she begins to accept that she was horrible to him and doesn’t deserve his forgiveness.

Before The Tragedy even, since they’d met. She always treated him with as little human respect as she could - she did it with everyone but especially him. He was basically just a little errand boy she liked to talk to and she didn’t treat him as more. During their time in despair, she was barely around for him, only holding him together when the others pushed her to do it because he was being annoying. She was so awful to the man she always claimed was her closest friend. And she wants him to hate her for it so bad.

Then he wakes up and he sees her and he smiles. He could never hate her and it only makes her feel worse.

Nagito sees how much she’s changed and he begins changing too, she tells him about how Hajime has helped her so much and he begins to follow her around with Hajime. She’s worried he’ll consider himself her lapdog again but it’s cleared up when he doesn’t run to her side one morning out of the few left before they leave.

In fact, it’s when he doesn’t speak to her for hours on end she realizes that every interaction they had was under his free will and choice.

He doesn’t do her chores for her. She doesn’t watch him fall apart silently. They talk like friends do. Not about how talentless people are worthless or how hope is all that matters but about how they can’t wait to rebuild their favorite hangout spots and make better memories there together.

They sort of have an unannounced “restart” where they just wipe the slate clean, mostly on (Y/n)’s part so she can treat Nagito how he deserves. As a true friend rather than a pawn.

#sdr2 x reader #nagito komaeda x reader #mikan tsumiki x reader #kazuichi souda x reader #anon chatter :)#antag reader

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blessedarethebinarybreakers · 3 years

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Answer asap (I feel bad saying that, but I'm stuck). Do you have any resources for dating/not dating non-christians? A dear friend of mine told me they care for me, and I feel the same for them, but... all the resources online warn again and again not to date non-christians lest they endanger my faith. I feel like going forward with this would be ignorant at best and would set us both up for heartbreak. And I fear my fear itself would lead to me trying to convert them. But I still care for them.

Hey, anon! Thanks for reaching out -- the rhetoric among many Christians against interfaith relationships, particularly with the argument that they’re “unequally yoked,” is something I haven’t addressed in years, and have been meaning to discuss again.

Little disclaimer at the start that this stuff is so contextual, and it’s personal -- I don’t know your life as well as you do, or this friend of yours like you do. Maybe what i say doesn’t fit you and your situation.

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To begin, I firmly believe that interfaith relationships can be and often are truly beautiful, holy partnerships. (This includes relationships in which one or multiple members identifies as an atheist / otherwise doesn’t ascribe to a particular religion.)

When both (or all) members are respectful of one another’s beliefs, and find as much joy in learning as in teaching their partner(s), their unique perspectives can deeply enrich one another. You can bear good fruit together that glorifies God and nourishes others.

This being said, you definitely want to at least begin working through your worries and fears before starting to date this person. If you enter the relationship overwhelmed with fear or guilt about dating them, it’ll bring a lot of resentment and angst. The rest of this post points out things you’ll want to reflect on and read up on before entering this or any interfaith relationship -- and offers resources that can help.

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Interfaith Partners: Always “Unequally Yoked”?

I’m sure you’ve seen a certain phrase on those websites you mentioned, drawn from 2 Corinthians 6:14 -- “unequally yoked.” I’m going to end this post with some alternative ways of interpreting this verse, but what Christians who advise against interfaith relationships take it to mean is something like this:

Just as two animals yoked to the same plow should be of equal strength and on the same page so that one doesn’t do more of the work, or get tugged away from the work by the other one, two partners should also be of equal “spiritual” strength and on the same page when it comes to their faith...

And of course, these people will say, a person who is Christian is definitely spiritually stronger than any non-Christian -- and a non-Christian might just pull them away from The Way, getting them to skip church or prayers or even stop being Christian entirely.

But there are a lot of assumptions there that don’t hold true in every relationship, right? First off, who says every Christian is necessarily “spiritually stronger” than every non-Christian? To claim that is to assume that non-Christians don’t also have access to spirituality or to the Divine -- which I’m going to push against throughout this post.

Furthermore, the assumption that a non-Christian partner will definitely harm your own Christian faith doesn’t have to be true, as I’ll get to in a second.

So yeah, keeping these assumptions about an interfaith relationship being inherently “unequally yoked” in mind, and with a plan on returning to this phrase at the end, let’s move on to specific things you should think about before entering an interfaith relationship.

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Must a non-Christian partner “endanger” your faith -- or can they enrich it?

If being open to learning about how our fellow human beings perceive the world, humanity, and the divine “endangers one’s faith,” perhaps that kind of faith was not made to last. Perhaps it has to give way in order to birth a new, deeper faith -- a faith that is bold enough to wrestle with God as Jacob did; broad enough to survive questions and doubts and times of grief; and wise enough to perceive the Spirit blowing wherever She will (John 3:8), not only among Christians.

If your partner truly respects you and your faith even if it’s different from theirs, they’ll do what they can to help you be the best Christian you can be -- or at the very least, they will give you the space and time you need to go to church, pray, etc. And you will do the same, helping them to be the best Muslim, Buddhist, or simply person they can be.

I highly recommend asking this friend of yours before you start dating what their thoughts are on your being a Christian, and/or on Christianity in general.

Is it something that makes them happy for you? is it something that makes them deeply uncomfortable? or something that they don’t have strong feelings one way or the other on? .

How “involved” would they be open to being in your faith? Would they be interested in going to church with you, as long as they could trust you weren’t trying to force them into anything? Would they enjoy talking about your varying beliefs together and how they impact your lives? Or would they never ever want you to bring up Christianity (which I imagine for you would be a deal breaker)? .

Be open and honest with one another about what expectations you each have about things like boundaries around discussing faith, about time and space you each want for practicing your faith, etc. As you seem aware, it’s better to get all this clear before you start dating, to avoid problems later down the road!

For an example of what such discussions might look like, I found this story from Robert Repta, a Christian man married to a Jewish man. Their union, he says, has included working out what it means not only to be gay persons of faith, but also persons of two different faiths:

“Ultimately, what happened was that in our struggles to find ourselves, we ended up growing closer together. We both supported and challenged each other. We began asking each other bigger life questions and talking about religion, God, science. Both of our lives were evolving, and what started to happen was that we started seeing the similarities in our core beliefs more than the differences. Some of those beliefs even evolved along the way.

We both believed in God. We both believed that God is love. We volunteered together. He would occasionally come with me to church, and I would occasionally go with him to the synagogue. Eventually, I could see that the common thread between us was unconditional love. The same unconditional love of God.”

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On pressuring a non-Christian partner to convert -- assumptions about Christian superiority & fearing for their afterlife destination

It’s really good you recognize that it might end up being hard for you not to try to get this person to convert! Before dating them, you should keep reflecting on this and decide whether that’s something you can let go of or not. If it’s not, then you’re probably right in thinking this relationship won’t work out.

It would be highly disrespectful to this person you care about to pressure them to become a Christian in order for you to feel okay about being with them. (And for more thoughts on how evangelism and conversion as carried out by many Christians isn’t what Jesus had in mind, see this post.) Doing so would imply a lot of things, including that you don’t think they’re a worthy or equal partner unless they make this big change, that whatever beliefs or ideologies they currently hold are inferior to yours, etc.

In order for your interfaith relationship to go well, you would need to come to understand non-Christians as being equally made in God’s image, equally worthy of dignity, equally capable of doing good in the world. You’d have to come to believe that there is much of value within their own religion / ideology that you as a Christian could learn from.

Let’s bring in our lovely Christian/Jewish couple from before: as his relationship with David developed, Robert discovered that

“God is not conformed to this world we live in; God does not belong solely to the Pentecostals or the Baptists, to the Jews or Gentiles, to Muslims or Zoroastrians. Two of the most profound self-identifiers God calls himself in the Bible is “love” and “I am.””

Here are a few resources that can help you explore the idea that other religions are as valid as Christianity and also have much wisdom to bring to the world:

I highly recommend you check out the book Holy Envy by Barbara Brown Taylor to help you explore how you can be a devout Christian and learn from and form mutual relationships with persons who are not Christian. You can check out passages from the book in my tag here. .

You might also like my two podcast episodes on interfaith relationships (in general, not romantic ones, but the same material applies) -- episode 30, “No One Owns God: Readying yourself for respectful interfaith encounters” and episode 31, “It's good to have wings, but you have to have roots too": Cultivating your faith while embracing religious pluralism.” You can find links to both episodes as well as their transcripts over on this webpage. .

There might also be some helpful stuff in my #interfaith tag or #other faiths tag if you wander around. .

Simply getting to know whatever religion this friend does belong to (or what ideologies and value systems they maintain if they’re atheist / non-religious) can also be super helpful. Ask them what resources they can think of that can help get to know their religion as they experience it. Attend worship service (virtually works!), seek out folks on social media who share their religion, etc. I bet you’ll find a lot that you have in common -- and hopefully you’ll find some of the differences thought-provoking and enriching to your own understandings of Divinity!

I’m guessing a lot of your worry stems from the assumption that non-Christians don’t go to heaven. If you believe that not being a Christian leads to hell after death, it’s very hard to view non-Christians and their beliefs as equal to your own!

That Holy Envy book discusses this genuine fear many Christians have on behalf of non-Christians, and how to let it go. .

Here’s a post with links to other posts describing the belief that many faithful and serious Christians hold that non-Christians don’t all get whisked to hell. .

And a post on the harm done by fearmongering about hell. .

Finally, a little more on the academic side but if you’re interested in some history behind Christian views of hell that can help you see that there really is no one “true” belief here, check out the links in this post.

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Reinterpreting “unequally yoked”

I said we’d get back to this, and here we are! While the easiest to find interpretation of 2 Corinthians 6:14′s “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers” is that it argues against interfaith marriage, there are other ways to read this text.

I adore this article I found on the passage from a Christian minister who is married to a Hindu monk -- “Unequally Yoked”: How Christians Get Interfaith Marriage Wrong.” Incredibly, Rev. J. Dana Trent writes that when she and her now-husband dug into 2 Corinthians 6:14 to see what it was all about, she found that

“An ancient scripture meant to deter us from getting involved with each other actually brought us together. Our core beliefs in God became the focus of our study and relationship, not the issues that divided us.”

She also explains that biblical scholars say this verse isn’t even specifically about interfaith marriage -- which becomes clear when you read the full chapter surrounding it! It’s more general -- about the hazards of “working with” an unbeliever.

And what exactly is an unbeliever? Paul and other “believers” of these very early days of Christianity had a different definition than we might today -- an “unbeliever” wasn’t synonymous with “non-Christian,” because Christianity hadn’t even solidified into an actual religion yet! Instead, a nonbeliever was "anyone exposed to but was not faithful to Christ’s teachings—someone not characterized by devotion, love, peace, mercy, and forgiveness.”

In other words, if a person in those early days was told about the good news of Jesus that entailed things like liberation of the oppressed and love of neighbor, they didn’t have to “become a Christian” to accept that good news. And thus, Rev. Trent continues,

“Today, my husband’s deep Hindu faith has taught me to dig deeper into what Jesus would have me do. Perhaps Paul might have even considered me an “unbeliever,” as I claimed to be a baptized Christian, but my life did not inwardly and outwardly reflect the Gospel. Since marrying Fred, I re-attuned my life to Christian spiritual practices: spending more time in contemplative prayer, practicing non-violence through a vegetarian diet, limiting my consumption, and increasing my service to others.

Much to many Christians’ dismay, it took a person of another faith—a seemingly “unequally yoked” partner, to strengthen my Christian walk.”

Isn’t it beautiful to hear how this relationship between a Christian minister and Hindu monk has born good fruit for both of them? They help one another become the best Christian and best Hindu they can be, respectively. They are both so deeply committed to faith -- that doesn’t sound like an “unequal yoking” to me.

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Whew, this got long! But it’s a big topic, and one I hope you’ll take the time to explore. Bring God into it; bring your friend into as much as they’re comfortable. And feel free to come back and ask me more questions as you go.

If anyone knows of other articles or other resources that explore the good fruit that can come from an interfaith partnership, please share!

#interfaith relationships #unequally yoked #progressive christians #interfaith dating #Anonymous #relationship tag

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lulafia · 4 years

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Percy, Vex and how they interact which each other’s insecurities

A thing I find very interesting about Vex and Percy is that they both have such self-worth issues? It manifests just very differently and there is just a level of recognition, a gentleness in how they interact with each other's insecurities and like a lot of quiet moments.

So let’s talk about just that:

I have seen a discussion once, about why, if Percy believed Ripley was far more dangerous than the Briarwoods, he didn't deal with her first? For me it makes sense, because all the names on the List, aside from Ripley’s, did something directly that led to his family being killed. The whole revenge thing in the Whitestone arc was for Percy’s family, it was about what they took from him, yes, but not in a sense that was done to Percy specifically. He is on a revenge trip because of the murder of his family with little to no regard of himself. He even says it in his goodbye letter.

“There was nothing I could’ve done to save my family, yet I still sold my soul in search of vengeance. Later I allowed Ripley to leave, knowing full well she was a greater threat to the world than the Briarwoods would ever be. I traded the world’s safety for the belief that I could murder my way to peace; that if I could be a greater horror, it would bring my family back.”

In that sense it makes sense that Ripley is on the bottom of Percy’s list. It’s implied that she hasn’t had much to do with the actual killings, at least to Percy’s knowledge. For all we know she has tortured Percy for information and for Percy that’s not important, because she only did this to him as far as he knows. Because Percy doesn’t regard his life as much, he is always ready to just throw it out for the people he cares about. He continues to do it, when he signs the contract, when Vax insists that Percy does it rather than Tary. He sees this fit, doesn’t question it and just does it. Even at the end he would give his life up for Vex to get Vax back. There is Whitestone and legacy and family, which are very important for Percy, but Percy also writes about himself: “As to what must be done, I’d be content to be left in a ditch, my weapons and notes burnt and broken.” And Vex just brings out the best diamond she has when they do the ritual, because he is worth so much more to her and even if he doesn't know it just matters to her to show it. Percy gets the best diamond even if he thinks of himself as not deserving of that.

When Vex says to him in episode 67 “You are a better man than you believe.” Percy says “Thank you. I accept that compliment. You as well, you are a better woman than you believe. Doesn’t feel good, does it? There you are.” Vex tells him: “No, it doesn’t. Shit.” I really like this moment between them, because there is a recognition, they exchange this smug and knowing look and they just understand? Like they know that the other one genuinely means it, but they cannot acknowledge that part for themselves. It doesn’t feel right for them and they have just such a quiet moment about it? And Percy just keeps reassuring Vex, like when he writes in his goodbye letter, there is just something about the way he writes: "Vex, you often remind me of myself and that is the highest of compliments.”

About how he can see himself in a positive way when he can compare himself to her, because she is amazing. And he loves her so much. He also likes to tell her again how smart she is.

They do it all the time, they tell the other what they are for them and how they see them and how much they value their relationship, but they rarely ever push it and demand that the other sees it too. Just a reassurance that maybe they can see it too someday, no pressure. Just telling them that they are worthy of love, affection and redemption. It's okay if they can't see it or believe it, yet. They are going to be there and tell them in all honesty what they are worth it, they just have each other's back. For example in episode 92, Percy says "You know, it's entirely possible that there'll be several creatures fighting over my body when I die, and my soul when I die, already." Vex just tells him "I'll be one of them." Without any hesitation. There is never any doubt in Vex's mind that he is not worth it or whatever Percy has himself convinced. She just says it, she will fight for him, no room for objection. An obviousness in the way she says it. It seems so small, but it's just a big thing!

And there is Vex, who just grew up with a shit father in a society that looked down at what she was. That met her with coldness and judgment and the feeling that she will never be good enough, despite how hard she tries they just wouldn't accept her. In their eyes she was always less and it hit her hard, it hit her so differently than Vax. (that is like a whole other discussion for another day, the differences in Vex and Vax and how they interact with each other and others) but Vex hides it well, because there is a part that thinks that they were right and that she doesn't deserve love and affection. She downplays her own feelings and how hurt she often is so much and she really doesn't want to bother other people.

So then in Syngorn when Vex is worked up about all the bad feelings and trauma that is connected to that place, and because Vex does stuff, she tries to polish her armour, when Percy comes in and they have the exchange and I know you all know it too

Vex: “Well, you come from money right?”

Percy: “Yes.”

Vex: ”Right, so do I look like I come from money?”

Percy: (laughs) “Honestly, dear, you're too happy to look like you come from money.”

Vex: (laughs) “I don't believe that.”

Percy: “No, it's a sure sign of it, is an abject misery, believe me. I can speak to it. You look too much like you, and you don't look enough like something you're supposed to be. If you feel the urge to deeply bullshit, I'd be happy to help you. It's not hard.”

Vex: ”No?”

Percy: “No. It is easy to pretend you come from money. You just have to be a bit of a shit and wear what everybody else is wearing. Does this have something to do with that city? It does, doesn't it. Who's there?”

Vex: “Well, you know. Everyone. We were judged, growing up, and I don't look forward to seeing that again.”

Percy: (sighs) “Well.”

Vex: “It's not important.”

Percy: “Oh, I disagree. Dear, I think that if you're worried about them knowing whether or not you've made your money and made your fortune-- I don't think that's going to be the thing to earn their respect. I think you're better off, A, with the company that you keep, and B, with the fact that you're probably just better than most of them.”

Vex: (laughs)

Percy:”I've known a lot of people with money, and they are definitely not worth you. And besides, if they have something nice that makes you feel inferior, we can just take it.”

Vex: (laughs) “I like the way you think.”

Percy: “Well, and then they're just shit without anything, and then you're you with their stuff.”

It's one of the rare moments that Vex shows how hurt she is and allows someone else to have a glimpse of her insecurities. Vex doesn't think she is worth it, because growing up she was made to feel, constantly, that she is less than the shitty elves that treated her so badly.

Like there is so much to talk about in this scene but for the sake of keeping it somewhat short, let's talk mainly about the bit at the end.

Percy reassures Vex and doesn't dismiss how she wants to cope and reacts to the whole situation in telling her that he will happily go with whatever she plans. He also recognises that this isn't just about looking like you made it. He offers his view on her and tells her how much he values her judgment and her as a person. When he then says "… with the fact that you're probably just better than most of them." Vex's reaction is just to laugh and like deflect, because she herself doesn't believe it and Percy in the moment of realisation, what she does, emphasizes on his views of her and just shares how highly he thinks of her and cuts right to her insecurities.

“I’ve known a lot of people with money, and they are definitely not worth you. And besides, if they have something nice that makes you feel inferior, we can just take it.”

Just all of the first line. He then gives her a gentle out, when he offers that they can just take their stuff. Not a second later he emphasizes it again, when he says, the mood a bit more light “Well, and then they’re just shit without anything, and then you’re you with their stuff.”

He values her so much and he wants her to know and hell, he wants everyone to know, how great she is and that's the thing he does, right? When he gives her the title in public, a token of affection, a love letter to how high he thinks of her and he gives her in that also a home, if she wants. Percy knows how she is, so he gives her something she has to earn and something that fits and he just gives her that, something to be a part of what means so much too him, because she means so much to him and he just gives her that, so there no doubt in the worth he sees in her. He would give her all, if it means that maybe it will help her see herself how he sees her. And there is just so much recognition and unshakeable love, affection, care and gentleness in general but also how they approach the other with their own trauma and issues and everything. And when Vex said at the end of episode 115 "You're a good person and you're not broken anymore. All right? We'll fill each other's gaps. We'll be the glue.” There is just this mutual understanding and love.

#critical role #cr rambles #percy de rolo #vex'ahlia #perc'ahlia #due to popular demand here it is hopefully cleaned up from most of the typos #and there are other moments i am surely forgetting about #and other scenes that are woth talking about #but that's for another time #enjoy my ted talk #my writing #i guess this applies

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linkspooky · 4 years

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It is really sad how Eren treats his friends. They are very supportive and see him through the tough situations yet he is cold and manipulative towards them.

How Eren treats his friends is one of the most interesting aspects of his character. He always makes it clear how much he loves his friends, but at the same time very confused by the idea that they might love him. He wants to love others, but he doesn’t want to be loved.

It reminds me of a quote from one of my favorite books, Zaregoto Volume 2: Strangulation Romanticist.

Hers was an all-embracing love. Unwavering, undiluted affection. If I killed a person directly, she would probably forgive me even then. She would love me all the same. To me, that love was just a little too heavy. I could feel it crushing me. That wide open devotion. It wasn’t that I couldn’t feel affection towards others. It was that I couldn’t receive affection from others. No matter how much adoration Mikoko-chan showed towards me, all I could respond with was disdain for a murderer. No matter how much her feelings for me had inspired her actions, all I could see was another homicide.

And thus I was damaged goods. And thus I was a human failure.

Basically, the protagonist of the story is unable to accept other people’s love for him because he’s unable to see himself as a person fundamentally worthy for love, so whatever their feelings are towards him he rejects them all. Eren feels things for other people, but he rejects other’s feelings towards him and that’s why a lot of his relationships break down. I’ll elaborate more under the cut.

So, it starts with the mother (as it often does). “Because I was Born into this World” is a phrase Eren’s entire character revolves around. It’s a statement of unconditional love. A parent should love a child because they were born as their child, that’s enough, that love doesn’t have to be earned. It’s a simple and warm statement.

Unconditional love is something that Eren wants, but also he can’t really comprehend or even accept because he doesn’t feel like he’s earned it. Eren fixates on his mother, and more specifically the trauma of losing his mother.

His mother loves him unconditionally, however, Eren wasn’t able to do anything for his mother. He wasn’t able to protect her and watched helplessly as she tied. Eren had unconditional love for most of his formative years yes, but it was also taken away from him suddenly when he was a child in a situation he had no control over. Ever since that, every single relationship Eren ahs formed with toher people has been an insecure attachment.

In basic terms, insecure attachment is a relationship style where the bond is contaminated by fear. This is expressed mainly as reluctance in the relationship and other mixed emotions, such as dependence and rejection. Most psychologists believe that insecure attachment is formed in early childhood.

In developmental psychology the basic theory is that the way children first form connections with their parents will inform them on how all other relationships after that point are made. Those who have a secure attachment know how to make healthy connections with other, while those who are insecure will continue to show unhealthy behaviors later on in life.

Eren had a secure attachment, and he lost it in a situation outside of his control. That stunted his growth, and ability to form all other relationships past that point. Yes, Eren still had some ungrateful behavior towards Armin and Mikasa when he was younger and his mother was still alive, but those behaviors are things he could have grown past if he was raised in a healthy environment. Instead, he lost his home, all security, and was raised as a child soldier instead.

This has been a paradox in Eren’s character for a long time. Unlike people like Reiner, unlike Zeke, or even Historia, Eren has unconditinoal love surrounding him coming from Armin and Mikasa. He has two people who would trust him. He still had a home even after losing his initial home.

Zeke can’t comprehend why Eren who has all of these things, all fo the things Zeke has wanted his entire life, in both childhood and his adolescence is unable to accept any of them. Why he would choose to throw them all away and fight instead? Once again, it comes to Eren’s image of himself.

Eren doesn’t see himself as a good person. He doesn’t see himself as worthy of love. That’s why even though he wants to share a family with Mikasa, and share a dream with Armin he ends up rejecting both of them because he sees himself as too inferior to accept any of their feelings. He’s too insecure about himself to form any kind of attachment.

It returns to his mother because that was the starting point of his trauma. It’s not that he’s been the same ever since he was born. He’s just never been able to grow and cope properly with the loss of his mother. Ever since losing her, his every other relationship has been characterized by fear of this loss. He’s so paralyzed by fear of losing people he can’t allow himself to get close to people, and that’s where the insecurity comes from. This doublethink statement. Eren wants a mother’s love, but Eren sees himself as a bad person unworthy of a mother’s love.

This is a paradox that informs every one of his actions. Eren loves his friends. Eren doesn’t want to be loved back. There is also an element to control about this. Eren can control his own feelings, but can’t control other people’s feelings.

Eren can understand himself. He can understand his own love. He can understand that he would die for Mikasa, and he knows his own feelings towards Armin as well. However, he doesn’t really get why either of them would ever like him.

Eren is told right to his face that Mikasa loves him, and his response is to brush it off. It doesn’t matter because Eren can’t experience that love. Not only can he not accept it, but he also is going to die regardless. He doesn’t really understand other people’s feelings, and when he is confronted with those feelings he finds himself unworthy of them. He’s always seen himself as inferior to both Mikasa and Armin. He genuinely doesn’t understand why Mikasa would follow him around.

He’s always seen Armin as someone different and better than him, because Armin can care about things besides violence. He’s driven by more than just hatred.

Which is why Eren eventually cuts off both relationships to him. One he was never able to accept their feelings for him in the first place. Two, it’s about control. If Eren is the one to break the relationships then he is still in control. He’s not abandoned, because he is the one who chose to terminate the relationships. Everything Eren does is out of his fear of losing people, but also of losing people in uncontrolled circumstances.

If Eren is the one who is cutting them off, if Eren is the one who breaks the connection then that’s different somehow. That’s different to Eren at least. Once again it goes back to the idea of insecure attachment. There’s a reason that Eren’s description of freedom just sounds like being alone. Eren can’t accept other people’s feelings for him. Which is why he’ll often choose to do these things entirely on his own, because trying to deal with other people is too difficult for him. It’s easier for him to be alone. He doesn’t feel security from a single one of his attachments.

It is once again a child’s idea of forming relationships. He wants everyone to agree with him, and when they don’t he wants them to leave him alone. He can’t handle conflict and either pushes them away or goes off to sulk on his own. He wants the bad things, and the conflicts to just disappear by closing his eyes and coveing his ears. His own feelings for other people matter, but he doesn’t really comprehend other peopel’s feelings for him. Eren views his relationships in a very immature and stunted way, and doesn’t really want to grow past that. A fully developed person is capable of having secure relationships where they can accept other people’s feelings even if they lead to conflict.

Utlimately, the disconnect between Eren and his friends post-timeskip comes from the fact that all of Eren’s other friends are struggling in their own ways to grow up, and grow past who they once were. Whereas, Eren wants to remain the same ever since he was a child. He wants to cling to his and Armin’s childish dream that the world is completely empty and open for them to explore.

Which is why unless Eren makes a major change fast in the way he connects to other people he’s going to be alone. If Eren’s mother told him he deserves to “live in this world” simply by being born, then dying alone would be the opposite of what his mother wanted for him. But it’s a road he’s quickly speeding down.

#Anonymous #eren jaeger #attack on titan #attack on titan meta #aot meta #metasks #shingeki no kyojin meta #eren meta

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amazingorangedangantrash · 4 years

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Do you have any headcanons for Makoto interacting with class 77??

oh bOY DO I-

Makoto interacting with class 77

(AH i started typing out his interaction with the remnants + post sdr2, but then I thought maybe you meant something more like the literal class + their school days/pre-despair? so here's that, sorry if it's not what you meant-)

(Also I got a bit excited and this ended up being less so headcanons and more like- how Makoto befriended the entirety of Class 77-B and then some, and because it’s long af, I decided to put it under the cut for the sake of both mine and your sanity, anon)

Makoto Naegi and class 77 (and Hajime Hinata because I just want to include him ok-)

• Chiaki Nanami- honestly I think him and Chiaki would get along well. She wants to make friends, and he's extremely good at it- I can imagine him walking up to her one day whilst she's alone and shyly asking if she'd want some company. I think he'd probably be a big help in her trying to befriend the rest of her class, and I think she'd probably come to him for advice/to complain. She'd probably look up to his outgoing and extroverted nature, and try to apply that to herself. He probably gives her some suggestions on how to get everyone closer. I also like to think she'd come to him when she needs a break from the rest of them too- she loves them, but they're a handful, and Makoto is sweet and soothing to be around, he's very open and easy to read, which can be comforting. Makoto and Chiaki are the “glue” of their friends, they help keep everyone connected (after all, it’s only when those two ‘die’, that everyone completely falls into despair). Whilst I think they enjoy and are proud of that responsibility, the expectations might get a bit much sometimes, understandably so, and they’d need to let it out to someone who feels the same. They both cherish their friends a LOT, and it’s sweet to imagine them gushing about it how awesome everyone is and how much fun they have spending time together. Chiaki and Makoto will be seen playing video games together to blow off steam from time to time.

• Hajime Hinata- he probably gets introduced to Makoto through Chiaki, and the two bond, if not instantaneously. Hajime and Makoto are VERY similar, in that they're both "normal". Hajime straight up doesn't have a talent, and Makoto only kind of does? He got into the main course through a lottery, and his luck is nowhere on the level of Nagito's- he's just as "ordinary". I think Hajime would be jealous of Makoto at first (after all, they're not that different, and yet it was Makoto who got to be part of the "special" group), but that would quickly turn into being comforted by him. Makoto also believes in everyone's potential, and whilst he admires talent and Hope's Peak, he doesn't believe that only the talented are worthy or capable of producing hope. I like to think Makoto harbours a little bit of an inferiority complex, being surrounded by talent all the time, and Hajime can definitely understand that. I think the two of them could form a strong bond, and a close friendship, due to their similarity. It's one thing to hear about your worth from someone 'better' then you, it's another when they're on your level. Makoto is very humble, and that's what Hajime needs- someone on his level to get real with him and be a friend. Additionally, Hajime is someone Makoto could maybe confide in about his own insecurity- lord knows he couldn't with his own class, or any of the other Ultimates really, but Hajime gets it. The two could bounce off each other well. I know a lot of people joke about them being ‘brothers’, but I can really see them forming a close, caring bond. Hajime doesn’t really have friends, and whilst he might be prone to bitterness and agression, he’s also got a good heart and cares about doing what he feels is right (dr3, when he tries to befriend the Kuzuryu sister and demands to see Mahiru (I believe it was). They both have an advocacy for justice, but a self-sacrificing nature too. They’re similar but yet also opposites in a way. They’re perfect as each other’s support and as their mirror perspective.

• Nagito Komaeda- oooohhh boy. We all know how Nagito thinks of his own talent *wheeze*, let's just say at first he's not- the kindest to Makoto. He doesn't understand why Makoto is so carefree and friendly when he's so 'worthless'. He sees Makoto as being overly confident and cocky (when the opposite is true), and almost finds it insulting that he can just casually walk up to the others and act like they’re ‘equals’. However, as time goes on, he comes to realise that Makoto's attitude and approach to life is truly extraordinary, and that he has a way of inspiring hope in others that Nagito has simply never seen before. I think Makoto would be a little hurt at first by the harsh treatment, but would continue in his endeavour to reach out to and connect with Nagito (and Nagito would find that persistence astonishing- no one has ever tried that hard with him). Unlike the others who either ignore or are irritated by Nagito's continuous self-deprecation, I think Makoto would instead be primarily concerned and do what he always does- try to help. Makoto is an excellent people-reader, and he'd be able to tell that Nagito's hostile and antagonistic attitude towards him (and other "normal" people) comes from a place of self-loathing and a twisted admiration for hope (a feeling he's admitted isn't entirely foreign to him). I think Makoto could grow close with Nagito, and maybe help him to see his own worth. After all, if someone as "talentless" as Makoto could be (what Nagito considers) the Ultimate Hope, what's to say Nagito doesn't also have worth? I think Nagito would go fanboy once he figures out Makoto's true talent though (maybe not as hardcore as dr3 lmao) and Makoto maaay have to reel him in a little (it's definitely jarring to see Nagito jump from disdain to total adoration towards him in the span of like- half a week). Makoto probably wouldn't like being idolised (he's definitely not used to it), but he wouldn't put Nagito down or push him away because of it either- he recognises that it's not, well, the healthiest, but he also knows it's not from a place of malice or impure intent. He thinks that Komaeda's outlook on life is similar but different to his own, and respects him for making him consider hope from a new viewpoint- and the same for Nagito. Makoto admires that Nagito chose to turn to hope instead of despair, despite the hardships he's endured. I also like to think Makoto (alongside Chiaki, probably) would play a pretty important part in getting Nagito to interact more with his classmates (he has a tendency to just... watch from afar), and open up more to people in general.

• Also on the note of Nagito- I've seen people suggest that Makoto could cancel out Nagito's super luck with his own- making them both just average. It's definitely interesting to consider! I believe somewhere Nagito stated that he just wanted a normal life and that he resents his luck for making him endure such suffering? (His poor dog ;-;). I'm going off into my own little Komaegi world at this point I'm sorry sjjdjssjdh but if that's the case then Nagito would be extremely comforted in Makoto's presence, finally not having not worry about something extremely bad happening to someone else due to his luck. He gets to feel what it is to be "talentless", and to his surprise- he enjoys it. It’s not so bad being ‘normal’. (secretly it’s all he’s ever wanted).

• Kazuichi Soda- Kazuichi seems to really crave friendship and connection with others. (I don't know a lot about him, but apparently he had a real tough/abusive childhood, and a bad experience with his peers lead to him developing trust issues) He puts on a façade, but we all know he's really soft underneath. I think someone like Makoto, who's very open with his feelings, honest, and naturally friendly, is the kind of person Kazuichi would appreciate. Makoto has a LOT of patience, and he could deal with Kazuichi's antics and goofiness a lot better then the others. Kazuichi is one of the more "normal" characters (personality wise anyway), as he acts a lot like you'd expect from a teenage boy. He's relatively carefree, he's talkative, he likes girls, etc- Kazuichi and Makoto would have a very typical "bromance"- they both offer a bit more of a typical friendship then their classmates. Kazuichi can be pretty clingy, but I don't think Makoto would mind too much. It probably feels nice having someone actively seek out his company and companionship instead of the other way around. Kazuichi could also teach him some stuff about mechanics- which comes in usual for anyone, really. (Once Kazuichi finds out about Makoto cancelling out Nagito’s luck, he insists that Makoto accompany him whenever he knows he has to be close to him for too long- he always seems to get the brunt of it around that guy...)

• Gundham Tanaka- Gundham can be very... enthusiastic, sure, but Makoto is used to the overabundance of energy from his own classmates already. At this point I feel like he's started to be able to read in between the lines when people talk to him, and he'd be able to see Gundham's gentle and caring nature, espeically when it comes to his furry friends. He'd see that Gundham probably craves company and connection, but due to his fear of intimacy, covers that up with an appearance of self-grandeur. In actuality, Gundham appreciates the time Makoto spends with him. I feel like Makoto understands that Gundham struggles with conveying his emotions and thoughts, and instead communicates his own feelings of friendship through Gundham's own love language- his animals. Makoto probably even goes out of his way to learn more about hamsters just so he can show he's made an effort- something Gundham is extremely grateful for. Makoto helps him with coming out of his shell a little, and Gundham helps Makoto learn to appreciate life a lot more when he's not cleaning up animal poop haha.

• Peko Pekoyama- Makoto is definitely no stranger to strong female fighters, especially the quiet and reserved type, so he'd be able to click with Peko. Whilst I think he’d be a little intimidated at first, he'd soon see past that icy exterior and realise that Peko isn't necessarily cold or emotionless- she just doesn't show her emotions visibly much. He'd learn to recognize that she speaks more with her actions then her words or even her face- as she often will do subtle things (such as buy him a drink or offer up her own time to talk with him) to communicate their friendship, something people don't realise at first. Peko has a lot of trouble communicating her feelings to Fuyuhiko in particular, and thus Makoto is more then happy to help her "practice" her communication, not just for Fuyuhiko's, but for her classmates' sake too. (Also it's mentioned that she likes cute animals and I just- imagine her struggling so hard not to reach out and ruffle his hair because omg he’s literally just a pupPY-)

• Akane Owari- Akane is a basically the lovechild of Sakura and Hina lmao. She's this wonderful mix of Sakura's strength and Hina's personality- I think Makoto might be a little intimidated by her (especially as she can be... aggressive at times), but he'd quickly warm up to her and vice versa. I think it was mentioned that Akane likes "small hungry things"? She'd definitely feel protective when it comes to Makoto, since he's so small and sweet- and not outwardly the strongest. I like to think he might remind her of her little siblings, who she adores and almost misses looking after. Whenever they hang out, it's normally at lunch, and Makoto will always make an effort to bring her some kind of food or snack if he knows he'll see her, a gesture she's extremely grateful for. Akane is great company on days where Makoto wants to be active, since she's like a big ball of energy. She's also laid back and carefree, and sometimes they'll sit in the grass and just eat and talk about stuff. Akane doesn't like to bother herself with complicated thoughts and feelings, so she's great to spend lazy days with too.

• Nekomaru Nidai- (apologies I don't know a lot about him but-) like Akane, Nekomaru is quite protective over Makoto. We've seen that he's got a righteous heart and strong protective streak, and he's unafraid to show his emotions, even if it gets him mocked by others. He's very passionate, much like Makoto. Makoto is very honest too, and I think the two of them would click over that. Nekomaru could act as support and encouragement for Makoto, as well as help him with organisation (he IS the ultimate (team) manager after all). I think Nekomaru would recognise that Makoto's talents lie elsewhere then his physicality, and instead of mock or belittle him for it, acknowledge that proudly.

• Teruteru Hanamura- ah yes, the little perv. Much like everyone, Makoto would probably be annoyed by Teruteru's... suggestive-ness at first, but I think after they spent some time together, Teruteru would ease up on the perviness, and treat Makoto with a bit more respect. Seeing as he's bi as hell, I can definitely see him developing a little crush or infatuation with Makoto (at the very least find him hot lmao). Makoto definitely wouldn't be used to someone expressing their attraction towards him so forwardly, and he'd be a little flattered (if not also rather disturbed-). Teruteru has been shown to have a real soft spot for his mama, and him and Makoto could definitely bond over their deep love for their families (the Naegi sibling relationship is so cute gah-). Makoto would learn to see past Teruteru's persona and recognise that underneath, is a boy who loves him mama and cooking food for people to enjoy more then anything. (Teruteru will complain at him for his "trash junk food" prefences, but Makoto will pretend not to notice when he secretly sneaks a bite because he knows it reminds him of his mom's cooking).

• Sonia Nevermind- Sonia is definitely a bit overwhelming at first. Makoto struggles a bit to not treat her as an figure of authority (she is royalty after all, it feels weird to treat her like a close friend right off the bat), but he soon gets over it. Sonia has expressed she wants to live like a "normal Japanese highschool girl", and I think Makoto would understand that, doing what he can to make her feel comfortable. He might find her obsession with Japanese culture and general misunderstanding things a tad off-putting (having her stare at him for 15 minutes straight while he slurped up some instant ramen was... an experience) but he understands it comes from a place of curiosity, and chalks it up to her being a foreigner. He actually finds it very sweet that she's trying to learn about different cultures and educate herself, and he's the last person to judge for it. He doesn't mind sitting and explaining things to her, and it's also interesting to learn about her life too, as vastly different as it may be from his own. She doesn't have to worry about him treating her badly or trying to take advantage of her occasional naivety. (He also recognises that she's a lot smarter then she may first appear, having in-depth knowledge of warfare, economics, and the complex hell that is international politics-). Her love for the occult and spooky stuff would remind him of Komaru- he makes a note to set up a ouija board session for the two of them someday.

• Ibuki Mioda- Ibuki is definitely an interesting person! She's very upbeat and friendly, and whilst it throws Makoto off a little at first ("M-m-makoto-chan?!") he gets used to it. After all, it's not like the others aren't also... quirky. It's stated that Makoto likes pop music (probably a result of his friendship and early feelings for Sayaka), so he'd probably be pretty fond of/interested in Ibuki, being a musician. She'd probably help him branch out into some more...*ahem* niche music tastes, and to his surprise, he actually ends up liking some of it (the absolute whiplash his own classmates get when one of them accidentally rips out his earphones and intense heavy metal comes blaring out-). Ibuki isn't exactly book smart, but she has a lot of emotional intelligence, like Makoto. Unlike Makoto, whose empathetic (or I suppose sympathetic) and caring nature is pretty obvious at a first glance, Ibuki isn't as much so, which is why Makoto finds it interesting how her outward punk appearance doesn't match her inward very caring side. She really values individualism, and encourages him to be himself, thinking it's dumb that he feels inferior for his "talent"- she thinks it's cool that he doesn't have an obvious focus or persona like everyone else puts on, that he gets to explore his personality and expression for himself, and she tells him as such. Makoto is grateful for this- he worries that he's too bland or doesn't have a ‘real’ personality and isn't special, and Ibuki is quick to refute him, pointing out all the little quirks and aspects of his personality she finds super duper cute (to his embarrassment)! Like with her music, Ibuki is able to find the beauty in places one typically wouldn't look, and Makoto admires that about her. Ibuki is pretty good at reading the mood, and if she senses something is off, will do her best to lift up Makoto's spirits without needing to outright confront him about it- similarly, Makoto will happily listen to her rant or gush about things without judgement- she knows that her interest and personality isn't what people typically expect from her, and he doesn't care. She doesn't feel like she has to hide her emotions or put on a mask to make him feel better, like she might with others. She knows her negative feelings won't bring him down, so she feels comfortable expressing herself around him, even when it's not always happy. They appreciate each other's honesty in being who they are. They bounce off each other's energy well, being such optimistic and enthusiastic people.

• Mikan Tsumiki- Mikan is a very, very vulnerable person. She's nervous and insecure and has some very obvious self-esteem issues. Unlike Komaeda however, she isn't *confident*, and is therefore very meek and timid and easy to take advantage of. Girl's got a lotta issues (i just read through her page on the fandom wiki and- man-), and someone gentle and understanding like Makoto would be really good for her to form a healthy relationship with (hopefully just the start of one of many). Unlike others, Makoto wouldn't want to take advantage of Mikan, and I think he'd genuinely want to help her improve herself, both in becoming more assertive and also in learning to have a little more faith in people, not always assuming the worst from them. He'd help teach her that there are good people in the world too, and that by learning to view herself with more respect, it will be easier for her to (rightfully) demand respect from others too. I honestly don't want to go into the more *unhealthy* sides of Mikan's potential for obsession, but as with Nagito, I can see her developing a bit of a crush on Makoto. (Whether or not that goes anywhere is up to you of course.) I think Makoto, whilst understanding that it stems from an unfortunate past, would appreciate Mikan's sweet and helpful personality. Makoto is very clumsy, partly due to his fickle luck, so I can see him getting bruises and minor cuts and stuff often due to it- Mikan ends up being the first person he goes to when this happens, and she doesn't say it to his face, far too shy, but he knows she's grateful to be considered a help to him.

• Hiyoko Saionji- Hiyoko is definitely... a tough one. She's very openly hostile and aloof, and she has no problems bullying others. I think a lot of Makoto's experience from dealing with Byakuya, Toko and Celeste would come into play here, as he's used to dealing with the openly mean, dismissive and arrogant types. A lot of Hiyoko's hostility comes from her past, and being treated cruelly herself, leading her to develop a harsh exterior as a coping mechanism. I think she'd be kind of jealous of how Makoto can roll with the punches so easily- I think she'd start to feel kind of bad about saying mean things to him. He would be patient with her, but would also call her out on her behaviour (without being dismissive or cruel himself) something I'm sure she didn't have people do before. She might not consider him to be like an "older" brother, but she'd respect him as an equal (since she deeply loves her father, I think she'd want a genuinely kind, good male figure in her life). Makoto is an older brother to a younger sister- I'm sure he's had to deal with Komaru being a bit of a brat before haha (am older sibling myself, can confirm). Hiyoko really appreciates traditionalism, and knowing this, Makoto might try to learn more or engage with that side of her- she acknowledges that her interests and attitudes are out-of-fashion, so she'd appreciate the effort made to understand her. Makoto might help to get her to be more sympathetic towards others. She'd offer a different perspective of their country and it's beauty to him.

• Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu- ah yes, the irl boss baby- as with everyone, Fuyuhiko would be short-tempered and aggressive towards Makoto. He'd eventually come around though. Makoto is pretty used to dealing with tsunderes, and takes it all in stride. It's a little to surprising to Fuyuhiko at first to see someone who isn't as easily deterred by his attitude as the others, and he admires that. Fuyuhiko has quite the inferiority complex, and part of that comes from his short height and youthful appearance (babyface-). It's nice to see someone like Makoto who isn't really that affected by his own appearance, and doesn't let it affect how he sees himself (Fuyuhiko is actually a little shorter even pfft). Fuyuhiko seems to want company, but has trouble initiating friendships and conversations (think back to the party from chapter 1), due to keeping up his lone wolf persona. Makoto recognises this, and will instead take on the role of instigator, which Fuyuhiko is thankful for. Though you wouldn’t expect it, he's actually also a Good Boi, and has a certain respect for rules and order (he's against underage drinking, smoking and sex, can you believe it?). Because of that, he'd respect Makoto for being the obedient student he is. I think Fuyuhiko would like Makoto's sincere and honest nature, especially considering he's not someone who's easily trusting- the Yakuza don't take friendship lightly, and once Fuyuhiko takes a liking to someone, he'll become fiercely defensive, protective of, and loyal to them to a fault (of course that doesn't entirely stop the jabs or insults- hey, he's trying). I think eventually Fuyuhiko would confide in Makoto about his own feelings of inadequacy and insecurity when it comes to honouring his family name- Makoto would be able to relate. He'd be able to reassure Fuyuhiko of his strengths, whilst also providing him with chance to experience a more typical, playful highschool boy's life. (He'll drag Fuyuhiko along with him to hang out, and although the other will complain and scoff at him, he'll enjoy it). He gets to be a bit more laid back and amiable, and less snappy or snarky. Makoto won't judge or embarrass him for letting loose a little, and vice versa.

• Mahiru Koizumi- Mahiru and Makoto are very similar, in that they both take on a friendly and optimistic attitude. They both tend to be the "caretakers" of their groups, and like to help others. Mahiru is the closest thing to a "makoto" class 77 has. They're both very kind and caring, and don't hesitate to offer their assistance and support. At the same time, they aren't doormats (well, Makoto is a bit of a pushover, but not to the level of characters like Mikan or Hifumi). Whilst I feel like Makoto is a bit more- restrained (he's seriously sarcastic and sassy, he just keeps it to himself most of the time), both he and Mahiru won't hesitate to point out when they don't agree with something. Mahiru's treatment of him due to him being a "boy" might be a little irritating, but it's not like he hasn't heard it before- (kyoko's "after all, you are a boy, aren't you?" comes to mind). He understands that she's probably had to deal with a lot of crap from guys, and doesn't take it to heart. It's been mentioned that Mahiru likes to take pictures of smiling faces? Well, I think Makoto would find that beautiful. Whereas others chastise her for it, and urge her to take pictures of other things, like objects for example, he instead encourages her to pursue what she's passionate about- after all, a talent is a gift, and you deserve to enjoy it. So what if it's "generic"? If it's what she likes, he sees no reason why she shouldn't continue to do it. He thinks her work is lovely regardless. (This is more of a personal interpretation, but Makoto gives off very foresty, natural imagery, and I think he'd maybe like that kind of thing, so maybe she'd find inspiration through his likeness to it?) Due to his innocence and pure nature, she starts to see a bit more of the appeal in nature. His smiling face is one of the first pictures of a boy she genuinely likes (though, it's not as if she'd ever tell him that).

• Ryota/Imposter- well, Imposter would probably act the same way around Makoto as whoever they were impersonating, though Makoto would probably be able to tell something was... off (though he just wouldn't be able to put his finger on what, exactly). If Imposter ever did reveal themself to him, he'd make sure to let them know that it was ok, and that he'd support their journey to reclaiming their identity however they wanted. Ryota (if he ever left his room and actually made connections with his classmates hsshhsh) would probably be the same as he was in dr3? He'd probably be a little inspired by and hold admiration towards Makoto, seeing him befriend all of his classmates, before that started to slowly turn into resentment and envy- animation is a wonderful thing, I'll be the first to defend, but Ryouta basically uses it to fill the hole in his heart that really, can only be filled with genuine human connection. Makoto could act as a stepping stone for this, much like Imposter, and act as support- him and Ryota are similar in firmly believing in and wanting to spread hope more then anything. Makoto would also genuinely take an interest in and admire Ryota's talent, giving him well-deserved validation for his efforts.

BONUS-

• Chisa Yukizome- news of the remarkable underclassman who managed to miraculously befriend all her beloved students reaches her, and she can't be more ecstatic! She takes whatever opportunities she can to invite Makoto into her classroom, under the guise of "important faculty stuff". Makoto's talent (luck, as they haven't yet fully realised his potential of hope) is a lot harder to cultivate then the norm (they're almost scared to experiment- the LAST thing they need is another Komaeda incident), so it's best to just- let him be most of the time. His schedule is a lot more flexible because of this, and you BET Chisa takes advantage of this whenever she can. She's extremely grateful to the young boy for uniting her class, and finds it simply wonderful how so much potential- so much hope can reside in someone so young. She makes sure to let Makoto know how much she appreciates his help, and will often leave him little gifts, like sweets and handmade arrangements, to show her gratitude. (Makoto doesn't really understand why this one teacher in particular seems to have taken a shine to him, but he doesn't mind- he finds he actually really likes having people place their trust in him- he enjoys spending time with class 77, and finds it both extraordinary and humbling that they seem to reciprocate the feeling).

• Izuru Kamukura- he doesn't understand why Makoto Naegi has had such an effect on the others. He's so unremarkable it's almost special. His talent is hardly enough to be considered "ultimate", especially not compared to someone like him, who has more talent then all of them combined (which isn't arrogance, merely undeniable fact). Someone like him, the 'ultimate hope', should be utterly bored and disinterested to the brink of tears with someone as mind-numbingly normal as Makoto Naegi and yet-

He isn't.

Perhaphs because unlike everyone else, Makoto doesn't consider him any more "worthy" then the rest of them. Unlike everything Izuru had been taught, had understood as soon as he'd opened his eyes for the first time, had known since the moment of his conception, Makoto didn't believe talent was all that was needed for hope. He believed everyone and anyone was equally capable of it, of becoming hope-

Makoto Naegi is-

Very interesting.

Aaaand there you have it, anon! ahdgjdsfhs I’m sorry it took so long. It kind of turned into more potential relationship analysis then actual headcanons oops- I might make a follow up to this that’s a bit more general-hcs style haha. I hope if anyone actually read this they enjoyed it! lemme know what you think!

tl;dr makoto is an angel and class 77 will happily steal him away hehe

https://www.zerochan.net/2046777#full

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brainrot-goblin · 3 years

Text

Katsuki Bakugo: Inferiority/Superiority Complex

Happy birthday, Katsuki. I guess my present to you is dissecting your trauma!

Note how I don’t have “HC (headcanon)” in the title, because it’s canon (All Might and I think Aizawa have mentioned it on multiple occasions). But, oh man, I am going to have fun writing this. Katsuki is one of my favorite characters because of how complex his character is. He appears to have a superiority complex, stalking around like he’s the king of the world and everyone must bow down to him, but it’s really all a mask he’s grown accustomed to wearing. Truth be told he only acts that way because that’s how he thinks others see him; the man actually despises himself. But of course, I can’t dive into Katsuki’s past without mentioning his relationship with Izuku because he plays a major role in this.

Let’s begin with the development of the “superiority” complex. The change in attitude began with the development of his quirk which everyone fawned over him for (teachers, his peers, even his mom [I can’t say much about Masaru, he seems more chill and neutral when it comes to Katsuki]). Naturally, all of the praise went to his head. Because he was seen as and expected to be the best, he felt like he had to act like he was the best. When he was younger it wasn’t much of an act, he legitimately thought he was better than everyone. But as he grew, he began to notice that he had flaws and weaknesses and this drove the self resentment. He felt like he was letting everyone around him down because he couldn’t live up to their expectations. I found a post here on Tumblr that mentions that Katsuki probably has a lot of scars from practicing the use of his quirk, and he hates each one of them because they remind him of his failures. Through this self resentment he found an outlet: taking out his stresses on Izuku. Why? Because Izuku was comfortable with failing; nothing ever brought him down. Even after he was diagnosed as quirkless, he still kept analyzing heroes and quirks. Katsuki was jealous of Izuku.

With a flashy quirk like literal freaking explosions coming from his hands, everyone wanted to be by his side. While it was flashy, it was also dangerous; no one wanted to be on this guy’s bad side. And if he liked you enough, he may even stick up for you with said quirk. Katsuki never really had any actual friends because they all used him. Thus begins the development of self-isolation and pushing others away. Being loud and aggressive is an excellent way to keep people away from you. He feels that he doesn’t deserve loved ones, but at the same time he feels they don’t deserve him because all they’ll do is use him. Here’s where his whole “if-you-fight-we-are-tight” respect thing. If a person proves that they are able to handle themselves, they are worthy of Katsuki’s friendship, meaning that they won’t have to pretend to care about him for the sake of his quirk. This is why he’s more hesitant to accept Izuku as a friend. While Izuku has always been a good friend to Katsuki, never using him or giving him praise he didn’t actually mean, Izuku (to put it simply) didn’t have a backbone; he never stood up for himself against Katsuki, therefore he wasn’t deserving of his respect. I think Katsuki recognized that Izuku was a true friend, but he refused to admit it because he wanted to prove it to himself; by beating the kid until he beat him back and earned his respect. He felt he didn’t deserve Izuku and vice versa. I guarantee a part of him resents himself even more for being so stubborn, and this was another reason why he pushed himself away from Izuku. However, as we’ve seen as the story progressed, so has their relationship. As Izuku has been “growing a backbone,” he’s also been steadily earning Katsuki’s respect.

Katsuki’s mind is so contradictory, it’s amazing this guy hasn’t gone insane. Just the mental torment of trying to decide whether or not he is worthy of someone’s love and also trying to decide if someone is worthy of his? He’s probably constantly having arguments with himself in his head, which also explains his rash behavior, so is that even an act or just a side effect of his trauma?

#bakugou katsuki #katsuki bakugo #my hero academia #bnha #boku no hero academia #boku no hero #bakudeku #sorta #if you squint?#its platonic #deku #kacchan #dynamight

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randomidiocyncrazies · 3 years

Note

i know you like them both so yunichika and oda/aoki for the ship ask

thank you for giving me a chance to gush about these kids!!! they’re precious.... this got pretty long so imma put it under a cut

YuniChika, the main boys of 2.43:

• when or if I started shipping it:

tbh i didn’t really ship them when i read the first book... they’re the kind of pairing that i can see people shipping and i think it’s cute, but i’m not super invested in them as a romantic pairing. I think i was more sold about them as a ship in the second book, but i can’t quite remember if there was a specific moment that made me change my mind, or if it was a gradual process

• my thoughts:

i think the anime definitely played up the tension between them (allll the blushes lol), but i’m glad people are enjoying the YuniChika content XD they’re pretty cute!

also, i think they balance each other well and spur each other to become better—Yuni and Chika are both self-centered(?) in very different ways: Yuni lacks drive because he mostly wanted to please people so they’ll like him, while Chika has the opposite problem in that he acts like he doesn’t care what people think of him.

but now Yuni is able to take a stand for his interest in volleyball and for Chika, and while Chika doesn’t really soften and still has a problem with not realizing how harsh he could be, he’s more willing to communicate his thoughts.

• what makes me happy about them:

boys reuniting! relearning how to have a relationship with one another! learning from past mistakes and trying to be better people together! HELL YEAH

• what makes me sad about them:

boys, please use your words to communicate with each other...

also, from Yuni’s perspective, it’s kinda sad when someone you used to know really well comes back into your life, but they’ve changed so much that they are essentially a different person... but of course they have a new opportunity to become closer now 😉 so i’m not that sad about it

• things done in art/fic that annoys me:

... there are fanworks for them?????????

(on a more serious note, erasing their flaws to make them more likable... please don’t make Chika ‘secretly nice’ or whatever, the kid is blunt as hell, and not realizing how his words affect others is his biggest flaw. on the other hand, Yuni can still be a little spineless at times, and sometimes his priorities are. questionable.)

• things I look for in art/fic:

hm, i’d like a future fic about them as professional players! i think their inclination is to stick together (they’re a package deal!) but it’d be super interesting to read something where they’re on rival teams years down the line

EDIT: haha Chika actually transferred to Keisei High School after their first Spring Tournament, so he and Yuni have faced each other as rivals since then (2.43 next 4years). they’re go to the same university and are on the same team now though!

• who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other:

uh i don’t really have specific people for this, but Chika would probably have to be with someone who understands his love of volleyball (like Oda, but if Oda wasn’t their team captain and thus too much of a dad friend to qualify as a romantic interest), and someone who can inspire Yuni would be good for him

also, i know who i’d NOT be comfy about: the first book (and anime i guess) had this weird tension between Itoko and Yuni, COUSINS who BASICALLY GREW UP TOGETHER. i think(?) their weird whatever was mostly dropped in the 2nd book and wasn’t really made explicit, but like. what the hell. (i have no idea what happens beyond the 2nd book.)

• my happily ever after for them:

the YuniChika in college arc is being serialized rn, so in a way that’s already fulfilled? (i have NO idea what’s going on tho)

in general i just hope they can play volleyball together until one or both decide not to, for whatever reason, and that they stay in each other’s lives and support each other even after they’ve retired from competitive volleyball. i think with Yuni’s personality he could be a good coach after getting more experience, and Chika... he’s really valuable as a strategist, but I think he’d always be a little brusque, so he’s respected but hard to bond with if he does take on coaching?

• what is their favorite non-sexual activity?

bold of you to assume Chika even cares about sex

anyway, they don’t go to movies for a romantic date night, they go watch volleyball matches. sometimes this backfires when Chika gets too frustrated at bad plays tho

and of course i will never pass up an opportunity to talk about Oda/Aoki, the main guys of my heart (my OTP for this series tbh):

• when or if I started shipping it:

they pinged on my radar when they were bickering in Ibara’s chapter, but i wasn’t super duper invested... and then I got to The Dog’s Perspective and the Giraffe’s Perspective (specifically The Kick™) and oh god i’ve never fallen so fast

• my thoughts:

GOD WOW Aoki really loves Oda... even though objectively Oda’s height prevents him from being a super ace, he is the coolest, strongest super ace to Aoki. i think it’s beautiful that someone can see you as your best self even when you’re feeling shitty about yourself. Aoki knows that objectively Oda faces a lot of obstacles, and wants to support him as best as he can—not out of pity (pity would’ve burned out long ago), but because he really respects Oda’s passion and drive.

also, these two have unaddressed issues that they should talk about! Oda, i know you feel inferior but you are so much better than you think you are. please accept that Aoki really does respect you, and that you are worthy of it (or like, you don’t have to be ‘’’worthy’’’’ or ‘’’’’’deserving’’’’’’’’’’ of it, because it is Aoki’s choice to support you and play volleyball with you!!! it’s not something you gotta earn, it’s something freely and happily given to you)

(ahhhhhh i die when i think of them)

• what makes me happy about them:

gosh i love their dynamic SO MUCH! Oda is exactly my type of character (passionate, determined, knowing that he can never be the best at what he’s passionate about due to factors he cannot control, trying to be kind and gracious but struggling with feelings of inferiority and jealousy, thinks of himself as a selfish person, a supporting character...) and Aoki’s devotion is really touching.

again: even when you feel like crap about yourself, there’s someone out there who thinks you’re the best thing that happened to them.

there’s also the fact that Oda thinks the world of Aoki as well (to the point of feeling inferior, which is like... c’mon Oda :/ you are better than you think you are!) he trusts Aoki a lot, despite knowing his willingness to engage in, uh, underhanded methods

• what makes me sad about them:

it’s their last year together, and they’d be approaching a new phase of their lives in different places... although Aoki offered to lower his rankings so they’d go to the same university, realistically they’ll go to different colleges, and most likely end up in different prefectures. (like, not only do i think it’s a Terrible Idea to give up your dream school so that you could stay with someone else, there is no way Oda would accept the offer without being crushed by guilt. something like that would actually ruin their relationship, which i think Aoki knows as well.)

there’s also a lot left unsaid between them at this point and i just want them to lay everything out between them and move forward together

• things done in art/fic that annoys me:

the fact that there’s NONE >:[ what does a gal have to do to get some content for them???????

• things I look for in art/fic:

at this point anything is fine.... it’s a desert out there and i’m dying

more specifically i’m Extremely Down for a get together fic; i personally only see them getting together after high school, at least several months (or even longer) studying in different prefectures and no longer able to see each other every day. (i mean... absence makes the heart grow fonder right?)

i’d also love to see Oda using Aoki’s first name, considering Aoki calls him “Shin” and all. Oda managing to surprise/fluster Aoki would be nice too.

EDIT: they’re both in the Kansai region (2.43 next 4years prologue). Oda’s revealed to be studying in Osaka, and assuming Aoki got into KyoDai, they should be around 2 hours away from each other by train? so visiting each other over short breaks would be cute! also, apparently Oda took a gap year before going to Osaka (2.43 next 4years Ch 1.2), so something set during that time would also be awesome :V

• who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other:

hm... if i had to imagine people well-suited to them, i’d say Aoki’s type is people who are straightforwardly passionate about their interests (Oda hooked him with his unbridled love of volleyball way back in their first year of high school after all), and I think Oda probably needs someone who is willing to indulge him a little (like Chika he can be pretty dang determined about what he wants, though without the single-minded intensity at the expense of everything else)

... this is just a roundabout way of saying i think they’re ideal for each other, especially if they resolve the problem of hiding things from the other

• my happily ever after for them:

they get careers/hobbies they enjoy, and get a place together as boyfriends/husbands. no i will not hear any criticism of this idea

i can see Aoki working in the private sector (this guy is fine with ‘joking’ about blackmail after all!) after getting his law degree. this is super self-indulgent, but given his penchant of rooting for passionate but objectively disadvantaged entities, i think it’d be pretty awesome if he works for a smaller company that truly believes in their work, instead of working at a big firm pulling in big bucks.

while I’m not sure what Oda is canonically studying, I can see him going into sports education or sports therapy—i think he’d be really good at nurturing the talents of other athletes, and he’s good at rallying the team (Aoki pretty much says he’s the heart of the team in the epilogue of the first book, though Aoki’s kiiinda biased lol). i think it’d be really cute if Oda coaches a grade school team!

neither plays volleyball competitively after high school, but sometimes they watch matches for fun (esp if their ex-teammates are playing). Oda also makes Aoki come to his students’ matches if he doesn’t have work

EDIT: apparently Oda continues competing as a wing spiker in college, playing in Kaisai’s 2nd Collegiate Division (2.43 next 4years Ch 1.2)—Aoki probably watches his matches, even when he’s busy (and Oda probably chides him for neglecting his work, but they both know Aoki can manage his workload).

• what is their favorite non-sexual activity?

hm... idk, i think they’re the kind of couple who are cool with just chilling with each other doing their own work. like, Oda planning strategies for the kids he’s coaching while Aoki reads next to him, occasionally glancing over to make comments, stuff like that

also since Oda says they mostly talked about volleyball during high school, I can kinda see them finding something new they both enjoy after they get together? Maybe shounen manga, for something fun

#2.43 #2.43 anime #2.43 seiin high school boys volleyball team #2.43 seiin koukou danshi volley bu #yunichika #odaoki #replies

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