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ginger-berrie · 9 days

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SO I JUST SAW FALSETTOS LIVE FOR THE FIRST TIME

HOLY SHIT OKAY. HEY GUYS I JUST GOT BACK FROM SEEING FALSETTOS. LIVE. MY FAVOROITE MUSICAL EVER. I HAVE WORDS TO SAY.

So firstly I of course have to say this musical is fucking phenomenal and if u havent seen it even on youtube you HAVE to. onne of the best musicals ever wrutten. ignore any typos in this my hands r still shaking and im not editing htis. OKAY.

The actors. It was a college level production but the actors were so so talented. My favorite performances were from Mendel and Jason, who both pulled off their roles INCREDIBLY. Mendel was like a carbon copy of Brandon Uranowitz he had his mannerisms DOWN. All the nervous ticks, touching his face, being generally so awkward all the time, even his face was just perfec t for the role. And Jason was played by an adult femme-presenting person but they were so good as him!!!!! their voice fit him perfectly and she also perfectly encompassed Jason;s awkward childlike nature. The entire cast was incredible but those two really stood out to me!!!! Everyone's singing voices as well were fantastic, especially Trina's—she KILLED the high notes and even sung up the octave on a few lines !!!! including the "but still the bastard divorced me" and she still belted the "you must exorcise a devil" even AFTER Im Breaking Down. In fucking sane.

THAT BEING SAID THOUGH. Even though i enjouyed every second of it I do wanna make some more analysis-related directing critiques because im fucked up and evil about this show . im so sorry just let me speak here meaout. Stating right now though I've only seen the 2016 revival (about 2 dozen times) and not the original 90's version (been meaning to watch it just havent gotten the chance) so i reserve all TRUE judgement until after I see it!!! maybe some of these choices were in the original but tbh if they were i still like how the revival did it better. okay i swear im not just one of those ppl who is like "tHaTS noT hOw ThEY dId iT On BroADwAy" calm down. thanks <3

First of all. Some of the scenes lacked energy !!!!! Thrill of first love had no homoerotic choreography!!!!! they just kinda sat there on the couch looking morose and barely looking at each other as if they truly just hate each other and feel ANYthing towards each other anymore at all. But thats not the point!!!!!! They dont fully hate each other theyre just lacking the excitement that they once had and it's been replaced with nothing but disagreements and sex. When Whizzer and Marvin do their gay little dance theyre not just dancing and being gross and sexual theyre also FIGHTING!!!! they still care about each other they just dont know how to act!!!! and marvin's a bitch of course. Marvin was still very much a bitch. But because of the lack of energy in this song there was a bit of a lack of chemistry between the two as well, which carried through the whole show. I feel like it's important to see just how gross fucked up n nasty these two are about each other to see how its truly affecting the other people in Marvin's life. Even their chemistry during the chess game was lacking. They just kinda felt like they really hated each other. Which isnt the pointtttttt. Guh

Trina (or the directors idk) also made some choices I wasn't 100% on board with but they were more subtle. Mostly in her tone about Mendel. Up through Please Come To Our House she seemed to really really like Mendel. Like it was clear she was attempting to woo him. But then when he was proposing, and when they were maknig their home together, she just seemed. Unenthused. I know Trina truly doesn't really love her life, and just needs the stability of a nuclear family, but it was odd to see her not even attempt to keep up the facade on her own. Her and Mendel were similarly lacking in a lot of chemistry because of this, which, maybe to some of you makes sense but to me i do want to see them be close even if Mendel isn't absolutely the best.

LAST CRITIQUE OKAY. This one is BIG SPOILERS if u havent seen it yet but probably if ur reading this far youve already seen it okay. The fuckign bar mitzvah!!!!! There was no acknowledgement from Whizzer to Jason as he was reading his Torah !!!!!!! He just layed there in the hospital bed, facing AWAY from the audience so we could only see the very top of his head (which was on purpose for a quick change but) and he didnt get up at all to thank Jason or even acknowledge him :( for all the audience knows maybe he didnt even see Jason get bar mitzvahd. screaming crying throwing up.

OKAY IM DONE W BEING MEAN HERES A BIG CHANGE I REALLY LOVED !!!!!! as well as some smaller changes that i also really liked or were jsut neutral things i noticed

For most of act 2, up until Days Like This, They had this really cool circus imagery? Now once again idk if this is in the OG, but they had a picture of each cluster of characters set up on either side of the stage, and each of them was doing some sort of circus act both in the pictures and on stage, especially during A Day in Falsettoland. When a character was having their point in the song, they'd sometimes cut the lights briefly and suddenly the characters would be struggling to perform their little circus act, and each of them had a differnt one respectively and they all represented their immaturities/flaws/struggles:

Jason was on stilts, representing his need to grow up and perhaps his perceived mental maturity compared to the other characters

Trina was balancing/spinning plates on sticks, representing her need to keep balance and order in her life

Marvin + Whizzer were fencers because of their lingering animosity, yet newfound respect, for one another. Fencing isnt a dangerous sport, like you dont actually hurt your opponent in it, but it;s still a fight and youre still pointoing a weapon at them. guh. (AND BTW they did this during the racquetball scene and HOLY SHIT. I just gotta describe this one. Racquetball number 1 They had their little racquets as they were singing to each other but then when they got really into the game the lights would cut and then theyd be FENCING each other instead!!!!! and then the lights would cut again and itd go back to racquetball!!!! BUT THEN in the racquetball number 2 when it cut to them fencing ONLY MARVIN HAD A SWORD. WHIZZER STILL HAD HIS RACQUET. GIUUHUHGGHGHGHGHGH.;..,.,/;;'.';.;'[[[.)

Then the lesbians from next door were like a duo balancing/acrobatics act where they were always leaning on each other and picking each other up which was cute but also like. Charlotte would start falling in one direction and Cordelia would have to scrambke to catch her. I always hail them as the healthiest couple in the show but sometimes i forget they have problems too, like Cordelia;s insecurity and Charlotte's stress over the virus of course.

And finally Mendel!!!! was the fucking ringmaster!!!!! He had a hoop and a top hat and every time he was trying to calm down Jason (Everyone Hates His Parents), or Caroline, or Trina (A Day in Falsettoland), he would appear with his hoop and top hat, to show that HE is the one who needs to "control" other people's lives, or at least he feels the need to direct them. Mendel of course needs to feel like he's smarter than everyone else and like he's the only one who can help people. It really drove that home and it was an insane realization to come to. Phenomenal directing choice idk who came up with that but. bravissimo to you

Now miscellaneous stuff i liked or noticed!!!

They didn't have the big ol foam block. just some couch ends that they moved around to be diff pieces of furniture. If you've ever seen Waiting In The Wings' analysis on falsettos you might have seen a comment in the youtube section discussing how in the set design for the revival, the lack of real furniture through most of the show represents the lack of maturity of the characters, and as things get serious for them, more real props and set pieces get added. Like the chess board, the decor for Mendel + Trina's home, Whizzer's suitcase, the whole hospital room, etc. They didn't lean into that with this but i think that's fine! its not a necessary detail in my opinion and they did their best with what they had!!

Marvin didn't hand whizzer the suitcase after the chess game. He just grabbed it, and packed it himself. I was waiting for him to slam it into whizzer's chest or something. but no. Whizzer just picked it up and walked off. okay. Neutral bad change imo

Marvin's performances of What would I do and What more can i Say were. Breathtaking. Marvin actor if you're out there reading this your voice is lovely and carries so much emotion in your solo numbers. I Did Cry. a little bit

god their group number harmonies were AMAZING. All of the cast members' voices blended together so well and it was absolutely beautiful. the whole show was beautiful and i adored it i swear. I jsut need somwhere to put my feelings

THE ORCHESTRA FUCKED. IT FUCKED

Okay its getting late now and im fading quickly BUT IF U READ THIS FAR UR INSANE. This is for me and nobody else i just eneded to feelings dump. tl;dr: i fucking lvoe falsettos this was one of the best nights of my life i love you actors i love you pit i love you lighting i love you run crew i love you sound crew i love you musical theatre

#falsettos #falsettos 2016 #musicals #musical theater #musical review #rambles #ramblings #shiksa caterer #short insomniacs #hypochondriacs #yiddish americans #spiky families #radiologist #intellectuals #nervous wrecks #sigh #falsettoland

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daybringersol · 7 months

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i think the reason that i love william wisp so much is that hes literally me when i was younger, like back when i was depressed, self-hating and refused to try cuz i was scared. i felt hollow, like there wasnt any personality left under that pain. at some point, the idea of getting better felt terrifying to me, cuz i didnt know what id find under all the pain and trauma, if there was even anything left under there.

// JRWI prime defenders S2 EP39 spoilers, tw for psychosis, derealisation and dissociation mentions

with this new era of william wisp, i wouldnt be surprised if I ended up relating to him even more. I think theres a lot of directions he could go towards, personality-wise, and even if he ends up not going the same route as me, i know that the idea itself of having to find yourself after so long spent hiding is gonna resonate with me no matter what.

another thing i find interesting is that i also got that moment when i realised that everything i wanted was at my fingertips, which was the catalyst for me eventually getting better. it was during my psychosis, this friend of mine (who i held in very high regards) ended up telling me off, i dont remember for what exactly (psychosis does funny things to your brain) but it was something related to me not trying to get better. they said something that triggered my derealisation, which of course, sent me into a derealisation/dissociation spiral for some months, and basically straight to rock bottom. of course, i wouldnt recommend that you do that for your friends who are going through similar stuff, im pretty sure i could have died multiple times back then, but in the end, its what pulled me through to where im at now.

i dont remember everything, but basically, the thought process was : nothing is real, its all made up in my head, so theres nothing stopping me from imagining a world where im happy and living in it. i wrote a poem about it, not my best work for obvious reasons, but theres still something to it i think. here :

I want to see tomorrow

I’ve been wishing my whole life for the strength to say "I'm doing great!" when someone ask me how I am

I've always had that strength

I can just say it

It's just 4 words

Doing

Great

Easy, see?

It doesn't matter if it's false

Or if the tone of my voice was off

Or if the way my eyes naturally met the ground as soon as you entered the room

It doesn't matter

So what, if I'm lying?

In a fraction of second, I might not be lying anymore

In a fraction of second, I won't be lying

I've been making planets and universes in my head since I could think

I never thought of making one where I was happy

Why should it matter if it's only in my head

My head is real, it's right there

And in the end, all the other stuff too was in my head

I can trust you

I can have friends

I can be myself

I can have my body back

I can be beautiful

Inside and out

I choose what is true and what is not

It doesn't matter if I'm lying to you

It doesn't matter if I'm lying to myself

In the end, we could be both only in my head

It wouldn't matter

So yeah

I want to see tomorrow

Even if it's raining and even if I don't even notice it's raining

I'll just close my eyes, and I'll have everything I've always wanted

so yea ! even if of course the superpower thing and coming back to life thing isnt very realistic, as a metaphor, williams story makes complete sense. i felt dead, back then. and i truly feel like a different person now.

and im looking forward to see where the story takes him in the future !

#jrwi show #jrwi podcast #jrwi prime defenders #solsthoughts #jrwi william #william wisp #jrwi spoilers #tw psychosis #tw derealization #tw dissociation

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mrstsung · 1 year

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Some kuai liang sub zero self ship abcs i did.

I hope you guys like them. I put a lot of thought into it. Maybe a bit more than i should have but i love them.

Cw: some nsfw content. Fluff too. So if you dont like that. Plz dont read. As always 18+.

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A - Act naturally (to play naturally) - How do they behave when they realize that they are in love with you? How do they act when they find out that you have feelings for them?: ok i hc kuai isn't as stagnant or stoic as some proclaim. At least after a certain point. Especially when the lin kuei were restored and the cyber automation projects were shut down. He saw thru the errors of previous grandmasters,his own even. He knew a new way had to be made. One with more understanding,and less bitter chill towards the future students and members. Many who traveled and sought refuge from the harsh cold mountains of the tundra. Could rest and seek sanctuary in the lin kuei temple. Some traditions survive. Some reformed anew. Like a fresh virgin snowfall. But kuai is that type if he found someone. He would be rather sweet,honest with his feelings. Not to say it wouldn't be awkward,i would be no exception. Because of past traumas. But he's moved past that for the most part. I hc he was just upfront. Nervous to hell. But honest and direct. He seems like the direct,no bullshit type guy. Honest and sweet tho. When he found i felt the same. You could see him smile. His face was warm and radiant. It could melt the coldest glaciers.

B - Broken heart (broken heart) - How will they behave if they find out that you cannot love them back? That you're in love with someone else?: now. I aint that kinda girl. If i was with kuai. Im a down,ride or die binch. But if some how. For some reason it had to end. Oof. He would take it fairly well at least on the surface. But deep down kuai would be hurt. Eventually he will come to terms. But it would always hurt him that there could have been something more. Honestly why would anyone hurt this mans heart is beyond me.

C - Communication - How do they communicate with the one they are in love with?: he actually communicates well with me. He makes sure that I've slept well,ate well,hydrated,etc. He also makes sure I'm well emotionally,mentally,etc too. He is good husband material ok? He also makes sure to let me know when he needs to have time for himself and also when its time to train his students. And any other lin kuei affairs. He isnt perfect tho. He does have messy days. This is where i help him lighten the load and take over for a short time if needed be to the best of my ability. Or even have him genuinely get some much needed r&r. But overall he tries his best to keep communication open.

D - Damage (damage) - How will they react to your wounds or bruises?: honestly kuai kinda like hanzo gets worried easy. Who did this to me?! Where are they? But unlike hanzo. Kuai i feel wouldn't get as well heated. But you can feel still the anger seething from him,but he would tend to my wounds and discuss if he wants him to pursue the person or not. But if it was by accident,or even my own doing. Kuai i feel would be much more calmer. He would tend to the wounds. Kissing them tenderly. Tell me to be more careful next time.

E - Excuse (forgiveness) - Which of you is the first to ask for forgiveness after a quarrel?: look its not often we fight. If we do its over something that might be reasonable. But we do actually have healthy communication. I made that clear as ice for him when we got together. I wanted kuai to feel safe to trust and honestly given the shit he went thru. Yeah. Communication is hella important to him. Always touch base. Even if its simple as "hey i dont have the spoons to deal with this rn maybe later" thats hella sexy of him. But it would more likely be me but it could be both. Depending on the situation. Overall we never stay mad. (I honestly don't think i could no matter who im with)

F - Furious (furious) - How easily can they be pissed off? What can they do in such a state?: ok look don't piss off kuai. I mean for the most part he's a chill dude. But don't push him. His anger is cold,precise,and deadly. He'd never take his anger out on me tho.

G - Gaze (stare) - How often do they watch you? How do they react when you look at them?: he is the type to stare when im not looking. But oh boy is it full of love and admiration. If he caught me tho,he'd be a blushing mess. But he still loves it.

H - Hugs (hugs) - Do they like to hug? How do they hug?: kuai used to be a bit iffy with hugs before me. But now he's actually quite accepting to them. And hugs as often as he can. (Again like hanzo,kuai had to learn to feel love and compassion again. But for him it was hard because he had to unlearn that cold emotional shoulder that was taught to him for so many years. Oof) he still always asks tho. Because he's polite. But he gets a bit giddy when i wholeheartedly accept. He has bear hugs and despite being a cyromancer. His hugs are warm and comforting.

I - Intimacy (intimacy) - What is your intimate life with him?: ok sexy times or general intimacy? A sexy times hc is kuai likes temperature play. He will form a smal ice ball and run it up n down my back. Or just use the tip on his finger. But his fave thing to do it lightly blow a bit of cool air on my pussy when he eats me out. Or on the back of my neck. Non sexy times hcs is he like to cuddle together in our bed chambers and read with me. Sometimes he likes to watch me doodle too. Asking what im drawing. Sometimes we doodle together and play fun drawing games. Or even do puzzles together. He actually got a chessboard from Johnny as a gift. He was very greatful for it. Uses it all the time. Even solo. Sometimes he mourns to play with his bro bi han. But these feelings can come n go.

J - Jealousy - Is it easy to make them jealous? How do they behave in this case?: tbh kaui isn't the jealous type truly. But if he does feel these feels. Its fleeting. He wouldn't act upon it tho. But he will give an ice cold stare at whomever decides to earn his anger.

K - Kiss (kiss) - How often do you kiss each other? How do the characters kiss?: kaui kisses are sweet,passionate,and invigorating. He tries to give kisses as often as he can. His fave kisses to give are hand kisses,forehead kisses,a quick cute kiss on the cheek. And if he's in a more private setting. Then kisses my lips. Not that he couldn't in front of others. He just likes to be private to be more intimate most of the time. (Again i hc kuai over time became more lax with the restoration of the lin kuei when it came to affection. Because he had to unlearn that trauma from the old grandmasters. But especially after he got in a relationship)

L - Letter (letter) - Would they dare to write a love letter? What would he write about?: i. Think he would write a cute love letter. I dunno what it would be about specifically tho.

M - Main (main) - Who will have a dominant role in your relationship?: we both are equals. There is no power play here.

N - Need - How much do they need your presence and touch?: kuai can do without. But he doesn't enjoy it. He actually craves physical affection a looooot. He may not always say it. He will ask for it if he can. Look he's baby ice guy ok? Kuai is baby bro. (Bi han was waaaaay more tsundere)

O - Objective (goal) - How will they pursue you?: he was unsure how to feel at first. But he actually found me endearing. And everytime we had a conversation,sometimes he would get lost in thought. Any cold feet he was getting would just melt away. After maybe of a month or so, i hc kuai was very upfront about his feelings. Nervous but also ok even if he got rejected. He didn't but still. He was quite happy when he knew i liked him back.

P - Pace (tempo) - How fast can they get close to someone?: it takes him a bit. But be patient with him. He's trying. Again he needs to sort things out. Give him at least a month. He's hella open with me tho

Q - Quizzcal (quirky) - How often do they joke? Do they like to have fun?: tbh before he met me he wasnt much of a joker. But over time he got to losen up a bit. He's a big teddy bear deep down. Tbh he loves snowball fights. And to make ice sculptures. Sometimes to show off. Sometimes because he wants to train with me. Look he tries. He's tired a lot of the time.

R - Relax (rest) - How often do they rest? How do they like to relax?: he tries whenever he can. Hot spring baths,meditation,and if im around sometimes he will ask for a massage. But if he's really stressed,a nice romp will work.

S - Saviour (savior) - Will they be able to protect you in case of danger? What will they do if your life is in danger?: he would most definitely. Tho i am capable of handling myself for the most part. But honestly if he was that pissed. And someone done fucked up bad. He would stop at nothing to end that person who hurt me.

T - Teach (teach) - Can they teach you something? Who will take the initiative?: oh course. We both have something to teach each other.

U - Uncertain - What is their reaction when they find out that you doubt yourself?: he actually is very sweet. He talks things out with me. He gives solid advice. But he knows i love hugs and physical affection when im not feeling so good. Also humor gets me thru. So he tries to make me smile. Dad jokes galore. You'd never know but he's actually quite funny.

V - Vaunt (bragging) - How often do they brag about something? Do they like showing off to you?: he's not the bragging type. Tho he is very proud to call me his lover. If he shows off its more in a private setting.

W - Who is first (who is the first) - Who is the first to confess their feelings?: i hc actually he did he was upfront about it. But we both had mutual pining. Lol. I confessed after he did.

X - Exxx (ex) - How will they react when your ex shows up all of a sudden?: ok in this au i dont have one. But hypothetically he wouldn't be angry or harsh. He would keep a close eye. But like i said he isnt the jealous type. Nor would he do anything unless i am am obviously in harms way or he needs to step in.

Y - Your teasing (your teasing) - What activities make them turn on? How can they turn you on?: a surefire way is actually subtle and sweet things. Or a simple wink. I hc He actually is hella touch starved. So hand holding,stroke to chin as you pass by,really gentle somft things. That makes his heart melt. But its not easy to make him come undone in front of others,not impossible but difficult. But in private. Oh boy. As for me its not really that difficult.

Z - Zzz (sleep) - How do you prefer to fall asleep?: kuai always loves a cooler room but tons of blankets. He likes to cuddle. He's a big teddy bear like i said. He's almost always big spoon. But sometimes he's little spoon. But that's usually when he needs a little tlc. But if he's in a good mood for the most he's big spoon. He has fuzzy blankets. He has a small throw that's made of snow hare fur. Its uber soft and silky.

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#mortal kombat #self ship #self shipping #💙❄melted heart❄💙#kuai liang #sub zero #mortal kombat sub zero #mortal kombat kuai liang #mk sub zero #mk kuai liang #abc asks #self ship asks #abcs self ship asks

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thewaywardbruja · 2 years

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~ Not My Normal Journal ~

I just want to apologize in advance, this isnt going to be a positive happy journal, like my other ones are. I'm only typing this here in an attempt to get my head to stop, and these emotions to go away for a moment. And just to vent.

---

I dont even know where to start with this, the last two days have been extremely difficult and hard.

Hell, the last twelve hours have been hell for me.

My depression is back, I'm frustrated, upset and angry.

I got an update about my grandma last night, that literally destroyed me. Everything that I was told, made me see red. I literally wanted to punch the windshield out of my car, I dont know how to deal with these emotions.

Basically, in the short version I was told that my grandma is not going to get any better, that she's gone. That she's going to become a ward of the state now. That the house I grew up in, and spent almost my entire childhood at is going to be sold.

But most importantly, my grandma is being abandoned.

There isn't anything I can do to stop this from happening. I'm in a completely different country, and while I understand this is sometimes how life goes, I'm utterly heartbroken. I'm lost, and struggling to cope with this news.

I'm extremely angry as well, trying to navigate a situation that I have never been in, and I just... am lost. I want to find my way out of the woods, but there is no direct path. No actual way through grief, and my heart is just utterly broken.

Its so hard, I've never lost a family member before, and for the first one I lose to be her, just seems extremely unfair, especially with how things have played out. None of this is right.

I'm angry for a few reasons. One is that I'm literally helpless to do anything, and two the person making these decisions is too much of a coward to stand up and actually do the right thing.

I went to bed last night crying, woke up crying and just at a loss. An immense loss. I feel like this is entirely unfair after everything my grandma did for our entire family. She wouldnt want this. I know that.

And I think thats why my heart hurts so much, because I know she wouldnt want to exist this way, stuck between life and death. She's always said it.

So yeah, I'm not in a great place, havent been the last two days, and I'm really struggling to stay positive because every time I think I'm not thinking about it, it comes back.

Also, note, there are a lot of other circumstances and things going on that I have not mentioned in this for privacy reasons - so if you think you know anything about this situation you dont.

Dont even bother making assumptions.

I had a dream last night, one that I didnt want to leave. It broke my heart when I woke up.

My husband and I drove Sheldon and the Panda to my grandmas in Waterford, Michigan. And where met by my aunt who was telling ne nothing had changed, but my grandma was inside the house and I could hear her, talking on the phone to one of her friends, so my aunt tried to tell me no, but nothing was going to stop me, so my husband held her back and I bolted up the stairs and into the house. My grandma wasnt on the phone now. I ran up to her and kneeled down, and asked her if she knew who I was. She gave me a very cheeky smile and said "How could I forget my favorite granddaughter" I threw myself at her sobbing in joy, and then my husband appeared and hugged her as well. - And then I woke up.

That was the moment I have been begging for, since this all started six months ago. I didnt want to leave it.

My Witchy Sister and I talked and we both agree that was my grandma letting me know that she's gone, and that she was giving me permission to move on.

I just feel so lost without her, theres so much I want to share, and so many things happening that she's missing out on, and will always miss out on, and I cant fathom that. Or any of this. Its been so difficult. I was her ride or die, I spoke to her every single day, and I loved her so deeply.

I'm so utterly heartbroken.

#grief #sadness #sad thoughts #griefjourney #lost #loss #pain #anger #angry #depression #PTSD #broken heart

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matan4il · 2 years

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This isnt anti Chim I promise. I love the guy and all but it was funny to see how different Chim and Buck handled Maddie and Eddie in turmoil. I get they were different situations and times, but also like were they really? It did annoy me Chim let her isolate herself and didn't push her or get others to go visit.

What I love is Buck didn't let Eddie isolate himself. He called in reinforcements like Bobby (and we can guess the whole crew as back ups). He surrounded him with light and literal hearts. It goes to show what a natural cargiver he is. I love that for the Buckley Diaz family.

I know Madney will end up back together and they love each other. But I also think they can truly coparent with eachother and being functioning adults. But Buddie isnt even canon and there is just this strong sense that no, they can't do life with out the other and we have at least 2 occasions when one implodes with out the other one.

Hi Nonnie! Thank you for your ask!

Oh, I love Chim, I love Madney, but I also see what you mean. I think it’s because, well... Madney is basically the first and only proper r/s we’ve seen Chim in (the only other one was with Tatiana in s1 which was... no), so I don’t think he really had an idea of how to help Maddie and push her in the right direction. But since their reunion in 512, I think he’s shown that he is capable of that, of communicating and being the right kind of supportive while also not letting things slide as I mentioned in the 514 meta. And maybe they needed the time apart and the breakup for him to be able to get there (I suspect what was in his way was mostly his own fear of losing her if he insists too much).

So yes, there’s a big difference! I think deep down, even as Buck suffers because he lost Eddie as a partner in the field, he knows he’s not losing him in any of the personal ways that matter, he’s not going to lose their friendship or his own place as a co-parent to Chris, and I feel like between that and everything they had been through along the seasons allows Buck enough familiarity and confidence to know how to gently push Eddie, giving him the help and the social support and the nudging he needs without fearing it might be too much and that it would push Eddie away. Interestingly, it’s not a given, if you look at Eddie when the shooting is first brought up at the horse ranch, he doesn’t wanna talk about it. But this is Buck, so Eddie turns his face away, but he doesn’t leave, and he doesn’t cut him off and shut him down, Eddie listens and, I think to his surprise as well, he comes to see Buck’s point. IDK, if there are two people more perfect for each other as partners, I’ve never seen them.

Which is insane, there are so many good couples on 911 alone! But yeah, somehow Buddie surpass them all. Thank you so much for sharing and allowing me to reflect and ramble a bit. Hope you have a good day, lovely! xoxox

(I got an influx of asks, I WILL answer all of them, but it might take a sec. If anyone wants to check whether I've already answered theirs or to read my replies, here's my ask tag. Thank you! xoxox)

#buddie #911meta #buddie meta #911 meta #9-1-1 #evan buck buckley #evan buckley #eddie diaz #edmundo diaz #ask #anon ask #911onabc #911 on abc #911abc #911 abc

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fuck-customers · 3 years

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(tw ableism, racism)

i never complained about this guy on here but i finally talked to the store lead about this awful guy i work with! said guy, we'll call him don which of course isnt his actual name, is so annoying. for the record, i helped train him, so its not like he's been here for long time. less than a year. anyway, don thinks he's smarter and better than everyone else. he knows everything and everyone else is wrong if they disagree with what he's saying. he's always talking about people behind their backs, and complaining about how no one does their job right, but i guess he does. he's also always spewing some bs about "you should work for satisfaction not money" (girl why are you here then? you hate this job) and "if you really want something you'll get it because you'll do anything for it" and other classist bullshit.

he'll complain about two of our coworkers specifically, who we'll call gina and ben. gina is an older woman, and don is always talking about how she leaves the register to make coffee every hour (gas station, coffee is made every two hours or as needed) and is always away doing something even if there's a line. he also has made some weird comments about the old men who come in and talk to her. he talks about ben the most though, saying he doesnt do anything, he's always disappearing (which, yeah, he does sometimes, but usually i can track him down because i know what he's doing) and calling off (which he used to do, but now he calls off only occasionally, and is definitely not the worst offender in terms of calling off all the time). its also worth noting that ben and gina have been here for years, through multiple managers and store leads and rounds of employees. now, when don and i are at the register, don is usually occupied with stocking cigarettes and the other nicotine products up there, and its nice to have that stuff done, but that means i am the only one ringing people out. even if theres a line. so if someone else leaves him alone at the register, its a problem, but if he leaves me alone, its fine. another thing about ben he doesnt like is his tattoos. ben is a young guy with a ton of tattoos, including face tattoos, and some piercings. don doesn't like that. he was talking about this the other day to me, and he was saying how "businesss shouldn't hire people with tattoos, i wouldn't" (when I told the store lead he said "but there are professionals with tattoos?"), and first off, this is a gas station honey. what i said to don was, "I don't know, I still think those people deserve to eat." he replies, "I don't." i don't know what to say to that.

he also doesn't like me I don't think. we were talking about stuff we have to do, and got on the topic of outside trash, and I said, "Yeah, if I could do outside trash I would, but because of my hand I can't lift the pump trash lids." i have an ongoing issue with my left hand that we think is tendonitis but we aren't sure, and basically i can't put any pressure on any part of my thumb/that part of my palm. to lift the pump trash lids, you have to push inward on the sides with your palm and lift up. obviously i cant do that. but i can lift propane tanks because that's mostly on my fingers. he tells me, "man, i wish i had a brace i could just put in when i didn't want to do something."

my man the other day i sat down on the floor to look for something and i thought it was healed but as soon as i leaned on it i fell because of how much it hurt. I've tried to do pump trash with it, it made it worse.

going back in time, he said something to me that i didn't think much of at the time. he looked up and saod "that's who you remind me of!" and said my voice sounded like his ex girlfriend's. at first i was like okay. whatever. but he mentioned it again later in a way that infuriated me and im about to tell you why.

so, he was going off about "how you should only eat between these times of the day" (directed at me because i mentioned my breakfast that morning? my dude i get up at six for this shift.) and then going off about circadian rhythms and how theres a single set one (which is not true!) and i mentioned that one if the symptoms of adhd is having a circadian rhythm thats out of sync (he knows i have adhd). and then he starts going off about how "no its not, tell me that when its in a medical book" (girl? maybe look at one that isnt outdated) and then that adhd is overdiagnosed (untrue and also a googleable statistic) and pretty much implying that i was just saying i had it to be special and not have to do things, which infuriated me because thats what everyone says about it and what ive been told my whole life, to the point my mom literally had to threaten several schools with legal action because they would not follow my IEP, and then when i said "hey, I'm the one living with this, you aren't," he said "kelly! kelly! you sound so much like her! you're just kelly to me!"

obviously that's kind of a fucked up thing to say.

some other things i hate about this man is that he gets really aggressive when he's frustrated. one day he started slamming things down as he was stocking. he even does it in front of customers! also, as a cherry on top, he was talking to our coworker, and found out she had a lot of black friends, and called her a [n word] lover.

i also know that im not the only person who has problems with him. literally no one likes him. he's always complaining that someone else isnt doing their job right and "if *I* were the manager" and stuff like that. it might be worth mentioning that i only complained because someone suggested i do. i was just going to tough it out for a while since im going back to school soon and will only be dealing with him once a month

one of my coworkers gave me her number if i ever wanted to talk about it, and the store lead said he would try to talk to him (without mentioning me), and this definitely wasn't okay for him to be doing, so we'll see how this goes. also, i think the store lead kept me in the office talking with him (about school and the pandemic and other stuff) for an hour ish so that i wouldn't have to deal with him, since don leaves after an hour of me being there during the week (but we have six hours together on the weekend) so that was nice.

sorry for the long ask. tldr this guys just an all around asshole who doesnt shut up and thinks he's superior to everyone else but my other coworkers are nice people

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ouyangzizhensdad · 3 years

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i meant white/western audiences are slow to understanding the subtext rather than asian fandoms, when i was a kid i remember most asian countries didnt even have "kiss scenes" in movies or dramas, for us the "subtext" was normal for straight couples too (I've seen a few white folks think cql is a story abt 2 straight friends). the issues with the poor production and it has shit production coz of the budget but the drama wasnt supposed to be a big hit. also like how u just made it the "idol drama" as if most kdramas and cdramas arent full of idols. I mostly agree with ur cql fandom hate too but to me it seems like u sometimes just want to prove that cql is worse than it is just coz the fans it brought in. I dont blame u either, I've seen some shit metas and the cql fans who hate the novel and call the writer homophobic are also funny. What makes me irritated is that the amount of hate cql gets on here is equal to the amount of hate novel gets, when the drama made alot of things possible for asian LGBTQ audiences. This is the first drama that my gay asian friend (who isnt out) watched with his parents and got them to fall for all the ppl and support the couple. Novels have our imagination in them but dramas need to make a lot of ppl happy and also keep censorship at bay. for me personally cql seems like it made it possible for alot of closeted kids be comfortable talking abt a gay couple with their parents, as novels are limited to a fandom. (Like I've not read a single harry potter book but I've watched 4 of the movies 😚)

I'm not trying to attack u but I'm trying to tell u that just coz the drama brought in a shit ton of weirdos in the fandom it still helped alot more ppl than u can imagine...

Hi anon,

One thing where we seem to be of a different opinion is that criticising cql as a work of fiction, or highlighting the political economic context surrounding it, in no way negates what it can mean for people. I personally consider that these are completely different matters. These things often have nothing to do with the inherent quality of a thing, or even how good “queer rep” it is--they are relative to people’s specific and personal experiences, or a particular moment in the media landscape. All the things she said holds special meaning to me because it was the first time I got to see two women kiss on tv and it felt revelatory. I vividly remember sitting cross-legged right in front of the tv and refusing to come eat until the end of the music videos--at a time when I could not articulate why I was so fascinated by it. I know that this song is still meaningful for a lot of queer people my age, even if many people hate it for being a straight gaze fantasy. Regardless of what it personally means to me, I’m not going to argue that the music video is a masterpiece, or be blind to the reason why the kiss was included in that music video. CQL is very meaningful to your gay closeted friend, and allowed him to discuss wangxian as a gay couple with his parents, and that’s absolutely great. But I personally think it’s a little bit far-fetched to suppose that the same couldn’t have been said of any other live adaptations of a danmei novel who didn’t shoehorn in a het romance: if the timing had been different, perhaps the first drama with romantic subtext between two male characters he would have seen with his parents would have been Guardians, or the incoming adaptation of TGCF. Hell, H2O was so popular that they might have just watched that one together as well, even if the subtext “romance” is between two side characters.

Let me be clear as well that I am not trying to argue that MDZS is this groundbreaking piece of fiction wrt “gay rights” or queer representation in China that changes minds and sways public opinion. It’s one of many danmei novels--it just is one that has a lot of literary merit. I simply think it’s disingenuous when people in the western fandom claim that a subtext romance is better “representation” than a canon gay couple who get their happily ever after. CQL is more impactful because it is mainstream, but it does not mean the representation it offers is inherently better. It is also ridiculous sometimes because the hurdles faced by a danmei authors vs the government-backed media giants who benefit financially from putting out censored version of their stories is just..... not something that should be ignored in my opinion.

Asian audiences being more used to romance depicted through subtext does not, at least in my opinion, negate the power of heteronormativity or compulsory heteronormativity to influence readings of that subtext by a portion of the audience. Chinese people are absolutely creative and innovative in the ways in which they manage to circumvent censorship, but a webseries financed by a media giant is not going to be a transgressive attempt to pull the wool over the censors’ eyes--at the end of the day it needs to be a safe investment.

You seem to suggest that I am hard on CQL for being an idol drama but do not bring the same criticisms to other idol dramas. I find this weird because it’s not like I’ve ever praised an idol drama, and I know I haven’t because I simply don’t think they are competent works of fiction (although sometimes the camera work and editing is at least competent, compared to cql where the production quality is kind of poor). The closest I’ve come to doing that is praising My Mister, which is not in any way an idol drama, but which I suppose features an idol (IU) in the cast. When I said the first jdrama I watched was Hana Yori Dango, that was not an endorsement of how good it was--because honestly it’s one hot mess barely held together by the chemistry between the two leads--it was just a statement of fact.

I am very critical and judgemental, I’ll give you that, but I don’t think that equates to “hate”. Yes, most of my discussions of CQL sprout from existing discussions within the fandom. But most of my posts indirectly reference or respond to something I saw. What’s the difference between me addressing a common novel fanon and me addressing a common opinion on cql’s virtues?

TLDR; a work of fiction being significant to people is something to recognise but it should not preclude being able to discuss that work critically, especially wrt how it executes its story since the inherent quality of the work as art has no direct correlation with its impact, be it on individuals or on a specific media landscape. Moreover, the impact of a work on queer people or on the social perception of queer people is not inherently proportional to how “good queer rep” it is: it has usually more to do with the context (ie people don’t remember Brokeback Mountain because it was the best movie with a gay love story ever made until then--there was more at play).

#anon ask #fandom discussions #long post

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well-shit-im-a-morosexual-now · 4 years

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Hey, it's me again! The Anon that constantly comes back because I'm too lazy to play the new lessons myself.

Anyway, Lesson 30-something, what happened in it? I've just seen screenshots and most of them are Solomon blushing (which, well, can't really say I'm complaining).

Hope you answer, and I'll probably ask you about the lessons after this.

-Anon that's still somehow stuck on Lesson 31. Seriously, I should really start playing the game again soon.

I'm screaming I literally wrote this whole thing and it got deleted because tumblr refused to send it and just banished the reply into the void i want to fight someone. I'm so sorry I'm gonna bang my head against something now.

It's okay if you ask cause I need someone to rant to after lessons!

So two days before the ritual to break the pacts. Solomon is researching how to use the night dagger.

Lucifer & Satan are arguing on the staircase (cause 50% of all important conversations happen on staircases - and I mean this sincerely). Lucifer promised mammon he'd come play cards with him and Satan doesn't want him to go cause he thinks it'll be a scam (he's worried about his dad big brother❤). MC asks Satan if he's worried about Lucifer and that makes his affection go up. He asks MC to promise him to go with Lucifer and keep an eye on him. He ruffles MC's hair and gives them the same we'll still be friends talk that the others do

They go to play cards and place bets, if Mammon wins he gets Lucifer's credit card for a day and if Lucifer wins he gets mc alone for a day. You can choose whether you want mc to either play along or cheer for Lucifer. (And look my MC's performing Olympic grade gymnastics to avoid Lucifer's advances & this lesson has a lot of options to romance Lucifer that I didn't pick so...)

Lucifer gets distracted by Mammon's car before they start playing.

WE GET THE BACKSTORY ABOUT THE CAR!!!!!! AND LOOK IT'S BEING THERE FOR SO LONG WITHOUT BEING ACKNOWLEDGED THAT I WAS ALMOST CERTAIN IVE BEEN HALLUCINATING IT. the backstory was actually really cute.

Mammon really really wanted this limited edition car (it had a rare colour) so he worked his ass off and earned money to buy it (I think it's mentioned that this is the first thing he bought from his own money). But by the time he'd earned enough it had been sold out. As far as Mammon knows Lucifer spoke to the dealer and was able to find one last car (can you do that? Can you just ask them to look in the back and they'll just pop out with a car they accidentally overlooked?). BUT Lucifer recalls that he actually spoke to diavolo and called in a special favour to get the car for mammon. Lucifer tells mammon he was impressed by him and I no longer possess a physical form I'm now a bowl of goop with thumbs to type

Lucifer wins (duh) and mammon asks to speak to mc alone. He tells them that even if their pact is severed he'll always be their first man. MC says 'I won't forget.' Mammon does that stuttery thing and says something like 'don't forget.' He hugs them tight. I added a screenshot of this (& other important moments) to my first answer but I don't wanna risk it cause if I lose this again I will realistically commit homicide. But anyway this line killed me 'suddenly I feel like the invisible bond between us is even stronger than it was before'. If I wasn't a puddle before I would be now

The next day mc & Lucifer meet up to go out, Asmo and mammon complain, I'm a total dick so I don't let MC hold Lucifer's hand and it makes him sad (I cry). They meet Solomon at the gate and he says he needs to talk with MC but can wait till after. He suggests going to the carnival (from the beginning of the season) cause it's the last day at the devildom and Simeon was planning on taking Luke but had to bail to go to the celestial realm. (Also the devildom is only one city/district right? I always saw it as the capital of The Devildom as a whole)

Lucifer laments not being able to remeber their first time at the carnival, mc gets to reassure him that it's okay. They get popcorn and go on the ferris wheel.

He asks them what they spoke about last time on the ferris wheel. The answers are 'Lucifer' or 'diavolo' . if you choose diavolo he throws shade at past Lucifer for being an idiot and talking about another man when with MC (*SNORT*) .

LUCIFER CONFESSES!!!? HE SAYS "MC I LOVE YOU"?!? HE'S THE FIRST BROTHER TO DIRECTLY CONFESS AND HAVE MC DIRECTLY CONFESS BACK.HE BASICALLY SAYS 'ANYWAY PAST LUCIFER WAS A FUCKING IDIOT BUT I LOVE YOU'. my mc goes 'lol as a friend'

Yes yes ik mammon technically confessed first and did so twice (thrice?) but neither were direct. The first was him agreeing with mc about them being in love in front of someone else and the second was under the influence of the truth bracelet. Asmo confessed too but in a 'never thought I'd find someone I love more than me. That's wild' way.

After mc shoots him down he goes 'that sucks guess I'll have to try harder to make you fall for me'

@like-nxrthernstxrs if you say you love him back, you get to kiss and mammon who followed you sees and goes quiet which yeah no, no thanks

I didn't unlock the locked lessons but screenshots show that all the brothers follow them I think (imagine the nightmare of dating one of them for real tho? Like you, me and your friend Steve except Steve is your 6 brothers who want to sleep with me)

The most notable exchange during them is when Levi asks whether Lucifer seems happier without his memories (he actually is more carefree) but mammon says he wouldn't be happier because he loves all his little brothers and he wouldn't be happy if he couldnt remember them. Levi tells mammon it's gross whenever he starts acting like an actual older brother (so we've seen mammon step up to the role of a older brother every once in a while - specially when Lucifer isnt able to - and he's actually really good at it? And that's just💞💞)

When they go home, solomon's in MC's room. He goes 'so do you want the good news or bad news first? Actually they're both bad news and you're fucked lol'

The dagger is so old that it doesn't have enough power to break the bonds and even when charged with Solomon's power it isn't enough.

The only way to restore the power is to use it to stab a powerful demon in the chest and have it absorb the demon's power.

Then he gives mc the dagger and is like 'anyway go stab Lucifer in the chest or we're all gonna die'

MC's like 'what the fuck'

Solomon goes 'lol just kidding i wouldn't ask you to do that'

Solomon tells them that he spent his whole life protecting humanity and that he is willing to do anything to save it. He tells them that choosing between all of the three realms and one demon should be easy. But he can't because he knows that'll make MC sad and he doesn't want to hurt them (honestly some of the dialogue from Solomon, Simeon and even diavolo makes me wonder if they'll ever become LIs down the road)

Lucifer has been eavesdropping the whole time (obviously) and kicks Solomon out.

Mc tells time not to worry and that they'll figure something else out. He tells them that he cares about his brothers and them (he puts a bit of emphasis on MC) and that he wants them to stab him. MC keeps on protesting. He grabs their hand and makes them point the dagger to his chest. You get a choice. You can either stab Lucifer, MC or command him to 'stay'. If you choose to command him, he freezes for a sec and then tells MC they are too distraught to be able to put any actual power behind the command. He moves their hand to stab himself. The screen goes white. If you decide to stab MC he screams their name. The screen goes white

A '???' voice tells them to stop and that it's not needed. Simeon (the only person with even a single braincell in this entire game) stops their hand and tells them they've been brave. He slips an old ring on to their finger. The screen goes white.

The screen's still white but now it's white in a way that makes it look like it's sunlight blinding the screen.

Another '???' voice apologises to MC for not being able to meet them before. It asks mc why they refused to stab Lucifer. They can say it's because they love him, because they didn't want anyone to get hurt or because they wanted to find another way. And look even if you aren't romancing Lucifer you have to admit at this point of the game MC does love him and all his brothers as well.If you pick the first option the voice says that it's a good thing and that they should cherish that love and let it grow. If you choose the second it tells them they are kind. The voice then tells them that after seeing how much the brothers adore them it expected them to be wicked and that it's happy they aren't. It tells them that they don't have to worry and that the ring of light will keep their powers in check and that they should go back because the others are worried. MC wakes up to Lucifer calling their name.

I'm 90% certain the voice in Michael, 10% of me is terrified it'll turn out to be God. And look I'm not religious, I don't really believe in anything and either way I was raised in a Buddhist household so God has never been anything I believed in BUT God talking to me through an otome game is definitely not something I need rn or ever really

Mc, Solomon, Simeon and Luke are by the lake at the palace. Solomon says he can finally relate to Mammon cause Lucifer had punished him. Simeon reveals that Lucifer had punished diavolo as well and would be coming after the rest of them that kept this whole thing secret from him (And this kills me! This man loves his family so much he was not only willing to go against God and his army when his family was in danger but he was also willing to lash out at DIAVOLO who he has so much respect & loyalty towards when he accidentally put Lucifer's family in danger!??? Anyway any chance I had of solidifying into a physical state has been completely swept away)

It's revealed that Simeon may or may not have stolen the ring from Michael who still loves Lucifer and keeps a shrine to Lucifer all of Lucifer's things from the celestial realm with him. And honestly I want whatever superpower Lucifer has that allows him to act like a dick with major issues but still makes ppl just absolutely love him. (I absolutely adore how easily om! throws around the word 'love' or actions of love. And I don't mean regarding MC. I mean between the brothers, undateables, Luke and side characters. Like at this point there's no doubt that despite all their differences everyone loves each other.)

Simeon (or Luke) note that now with the ring MC is as powerful a sorcerer as Solomon and may someday surpass him. Solomon is asked of he's jealous and he says he's not and he's glad to finally have someone like him.

Solomon pulls MC aside and asks them for a favour. They can either ask what it is or say 'anything for you'. If you choose the second option he blushes. He tells them he has spent his whole life looking out for humanity (thousands of years) and that he would like to work side by side with them to protect the humans. In his own words they'd be 'partners'. You can either agree or tell him it sounds like a pain in the ass. If you agree he says that a part of him knew they'd agree. (I can't remember if this is said outloud or implied but I'm assuming this means Solomon will teach them to use actual magic thus making 3 out of 4 of my main game MCs magical apprentices. Nice.)

*Solomon refers to himself as 'the witty sorcerer' confirming that all their aliases in the cards have actual canon meaning...so Mammon's 'fallen warrior' and 'punishment party' is basically just confirming he was probably the only one classed as a fighter from all his brothers back in the celestial realm and that he's a masochist right? That's what that means?*

Barbatos arrives to welcome them and ask them to follow him.

The lesson ends.

The pre stabbing scene with Solomon and mc doesn't really follow the exact dialogue of the first scene in S2 and the backgrounds don't match either (the human world vs MC's bedroom). Now this could mean the devs fucked up or it could mean there's more BS waiting to be stirred up. Personally I believe it's the first one BUT with how determined the devs seem with turning all of Lucifer's hair white i wouldn't be surprised if it was the second either

Hope that helps 31!❤ sorry it took some time I had to take constant breaks to scream cause the app sucks :)))

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vampyrly · 3 years

Text

: / i need any help and/or validation for a situation im dealing with

ok heads up this is going to be potentially very long to read and get through, like possibly 10 minutes at most but it is detailed and information heavy, i dont want to leave anything out

if anyone knows me/knows me on twitter and has seen my tweets where i've detailed the bullshit my roommate has done in the past you'll know i dont particularly like their presence based on their immature and gross antics. well ladies and gentlemen just when i thought they couldn't possibly sink any lower as a person, they pulled through the shit olympics and won gold.

my roommate has a cat, they had it prior to moving in and on their account the cat has been by their side 24/7. it is very attached and has most definitely developed a form of separation anxiety because of this. there hasnt been an issue with how often they stay with their cat up until recently... their girlfriend got her own apartment and over the past few months my rm has been staying with her 24/7. as in, is practically never in the apartment. they only come back to refill their cats food/water and is immediately out the door again. occasionally they will sleep overnight but after that they are back out the door.

as anyone who understands cats or animals in general would realize, this is essentially neglecting a cat, one you have gone from being with every day, to essentially never seeing. and this was not gradual, it was a damn near sudden change. you can probably imagine this is putting a lot of confusion and stress on the cat. over time, the cat has reacted more physically. they have become prone to crying by the door, biting the gf's toes, glaring at her (i guess), and such.

now, about a week ago, the cat had bitten my roommate incredibly hard to the point of drawing a lot of blood. apparently this was so traumatic to the rm that they now refuse to even be in the same room with the cat (there have only been a handful of times where they've slipped into the room to grab an essential and shimmy back out) so much so that they brought an air mattress, set it up in the living room, and is now temporarily sleeping there. no, im not joking.

now im not going to go into detail about why this buildup from the cat occurred, i think it should be pretty obvious already why, but to my rm, they fully believe this behavior is aggressive and unusual. as in, this cat had malicious, negative intent to do harm on its owner. its owner which, up until months ago, they were so attached to and clearly loved. as a friend has pointed out, this isnt signaling aggression. this is signaling a need to get attention in any way possible. their own cat had scratched them up so bad to the point they almost had to go to the ER, but it wasnt because the cat was aggressive, it just thought it was playtime! the case is different here yes, because unlike my rm the friend actually takes care and gives attention to their cat, so this was a very rare occurrence. simply put, this cat is lacking so much stimulation, attention, and basic interaction that this, to me, felt like a last resort. because clearly, the constant cries of sadness wasnt doing anything for them. they're currently in the process of rehoming the cat and will permanently ditch it on the 28th. thats still another 5 fucking days of this cat being in these neglected conditions, and thats not counting when this started, which was 17th, 18th if were being generous on account of me misremembering the date of events because who can blame me so much has already happened its becoming difficult to keep track.

a cat that they up until this point loved and gave attention to as apparent by them claiming she is for emotional support, is being thrown out of their life without remorse over one instance of """aggression""" (dont make me explain why it wasnt again.)

my roommate knows full and well that they have every ability and every second on their hands to bring the cat with them to the gf's apartment but guess what? they simply choose not to do so! i guess those toes getting bitten was so traumatic because oh yeah may i add, the girlfriend is a massive enabler of the roommate and sees absolutely no issue to the actions they are taking in response. i doubt they even tried to properly warm the cat up to a person who is a newcomer to the relationship. im sure they both think in their heads that this is the most responsible thing they can do as pet owners and that they're such good people for rehoming a cat they cant take care of anymore. yes, nothing more responsible than neglecting an animal that needs social interaction as much as that one in particular is in dire need of. responsible pet owners would have never let it escalate to such a point, i'll have you know.

my roommate has done a lot of bullshit that has made me want to pull my hair out, but at the very least, it didnt involve a living creature. this however draws a line as i refuse to stand for animal neglect simply because im an outsider and have no direct say in the situation. i've taken as much action as i possibly can, phoning and texting and emailing as many people as i possibly can. i hesitate to say this is straight up animal abuse because as firm as i can be i try to give people the benefit of the doubt BUT. i will say that every single person i have relayed all of this info to thus far has told me that this is grounds for animal abuse.

yesterday i ran into my rm and they told me "heyyy sorry about her crying constantly, its just not possible for me to be in there whatsoever!" and when i asked if they have someone refilling the bowls and litter on their behalf they said "nope just me" ????????? simultaneously on the same day i said fuck it, i am going to break out the secret key i have to their room to check on the cat. yes i have a key to their room, i have never used it until now and if you want to ignore everything thus far to give me some shit about trust or whatever consider: i dont fucking care. as it turns out the food and water bowls are the type that automatically refill. so, hmmm. theres that part out of the way, but of course, you cannot put in a machine to automatically interact with a cat on the level of a human. as for the litter, i couldnt see since i didnt step more than a foot into the room as to not impede boundaries on the cat and i didnt want my roommate to suddenly come home to me knees deep in their shithole. it was probably in the closet but then how is that being cleaned? those automatic cleaning cat litter boxes dont come cheap and i know damn well they cannot afford one. and may i just add as a tidbit, the room has a sitting scent of pee. though seeing as how gross my roommate can get im betting its just them and not the cat. also that room was cold as fuck. were at 60-70s right now in terms of weather right now it does not need to be that cold......

here is a video i was able to capture. i mounted my phone on a monopod in order to get a scope of the room without stepping in too far.

i decided that the least i can do at the moment is to head out to dollar tree and get a toy or two so i can at least provide some amount of stimulation. before i left, i checked on her again.

she was just laying there, keeping her distance, and didnt lurch at me whatsoever. i came back with a feather wand and played with her for a couple of minutes. she responded a little to it, but for the most part she was peering out the door wondering where the hell her so called responsible owner was. i took my sweater off and let the cat sniff it. i have zero relationship with this cat, infact its the first time i've ever properly seen it as it is locked in the bedroom 24/7.

now you may be asking yourself, why is this cat locked away in a room 24/7 like rapunzel locked in her tower and not roaming freely in the open apartment? i too would like an answer to this! i rarely spend any time in the living room but even if i did i have NO issue with it chilling in there.

someone i phoned did bring up a good point that for AS to consider a legitimate case of abuse or even do anything, there'd need to be no food or water. so essentially, unless you're straight up physically harming an animal outside of their headquarters they dont fucking care. want to be proven further on that? my rm actually did speak with AS at the start of bite-saga. surprisingly they werent 100% truthful, and, get a load of this, they told them that the cat potentially has a virus, and that they need to be quarantined the entire 2 week period. thats some lying bullshit if i've ever heard some!!! not only that, just a few hours ago i peeped the girlfriend had the vet get back to them about lending a muzzle!

SO. heres the current situation as of today and what will occur to tomorrow: i finally phoned someone who is going to drop by the apartment tomorrow, potentially with another person (these are not random people, im simply keeping their status as anonymous as possible to maintain their privacy) to check on the cats conditions. they'll also call AS again and nudge the rm in a way where it seems AS needs them to expedite the surrendering process sooner than later. i cant imagine another 5 days of this going on, but theres only so much that can be done that doesnt involve me straight up catknapping the poor thing and rehoming her myself. this is the condition of the cat as of a few hours ago:

if i were someone uninvolved and saw this, i would have assumed she were a stray that broke into the room........

i try not to be petty and villainous, but a line has been crossed and the disgusting mistreatment of an innocent creature is a crime i refuse to allow be sweeped under the rug. if theres any benefit to living in a relatively small town, its that everyone knows or at least recognizes everyone. far too many people already get away with animal abuse, at the very least i can make as many people here as aware of their antics as i can. is that wrong to do? should i not air all that i can out about them? im so tired and exhausted. i've lost so much sleep over this and im probably going to lose a lot more. thanks for reading.

#cw animal abuse #animal cruelty #pet health

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icantpayattentiontoanything · 5 years

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I've been writing a story, a cute one. I'll post it chapter by chapter, seeing how it goes, and if anyone likes it. It would be nice to get 5 likes, to be able to post the next chapter.Here goes!

The song that binds us

Chapter 1.: People Watching

From the moment her eyes opened, she thought today would be a normal day. She opened her eyes to let in the light from her small apartment window, and she slipped on her glasses. Today, she thought, is a good day. A normal one, but a good one. She looked out the window: perfect! She said, it raining. So she slipped over her favorite knit sweater and jeans. She looked in the mirror, but she knew what se was going to see. A slightly chubby face, with eyes peering out of big framed glasses. Her long brown hair to add to the plainness of her face. She tried scratching the paint from her failed art attempts off her sweater, but it seemed to be apart of her now. She looked at herself and realized how old and young she looked, even though she was only just technically an adult.

Sighing, she grabbed her book bag and headed to work. Popping in her earbuds, she was instantly soothed. She loved classical music. Music. She loved the way the music filled her like nothing else could, how the notes blended together to make a unified note. How every chord had a purpose, and every instrument made a melody. How music was pure emotion. She walked to work, almost forgetting where, and what she was. At work now, she marveled at her favorite place. The library. She climbed the staircase, and slid into her desk. She eyed her nametag. It was a beautiful metal cip, with the name Rosemary on it. She admired its details for a moment, and then she started working. Her work was, as you might say, boring. But to Rosemary, it was amazing, and soothing. She watching all the orders being filled, and adjusting all the books so they ran up and down the shelves waiting to be taken for reading. Here, everything had a place. Even, surprisingly, her.

After she was done, she looked at the time. It was almost lunch, her favorite part of the day. Why? Because all the rest of the workers were gone on there lunch break, so the library was pretty much empty for her to do what she wants. She didn't really talk to her coworkers, talking to people just isnt her thing. Rosemary couldn't remember a time that talking to someone made her happy. She was just better of alone.

Some days at lunch she would find a good book and curl up. Other days, she would go to the movie section. But on days that were busy, she did her favorite thing: people watching. She grabbed a chair and her lunch started looking. She loved the hustle and bustle of the city, and how everything seemed hectic at first, but secretly there was a hum inside it making everything run. She had timed everything to the tiniest detail. The exact time the paper man came, to the one taxi flying by.

Everything fit in, except her, but she enjoyed watching. Well, she had everything timed except for one thing. The guy across the street. Some days, he would leave the house exactly at 12 o’clock, other times, he wouldn't leave the house at all. Rosemary noticed this irregularity 2 months ago, when he moved in. he always seemed late, but he was never grumpy about it. Actually, he was always smiling. He seemed to know everybody by name, even though he was new. Rosemary had been living here for 3 years, and she always mixed up the names of her colleagues. Rosemary was fascinated by his unpredictability, but she was also a little intimidated by it.

Rosemary ate her little carrots, and continued. The guy across the street usually seemed to hop in his little punchbuggy, and drive off. But, this time, again, he didn't seem to follow any regularity. He walked out of his house, smiled at the paperman, crossed the street, and… Oh! He was coming in the library! Now Rosemary was flustered. What if he saw that she was looking at him? Why was she so flustered? He was just another customer, it wasn't like.. Oh nevermind! She better get to the desk. She slid into the chair just before he opened the door. He walked in whistling. Ran his hand through his curly hair, he glanced around, and then meandered up the stairs. He walked up to the front desk.

“Hi! My name is Damian!” he stuck out his hand for a handshake.”I realized this morning, that I haven't peeked into the library, even though I’ve been living just across the street for 3 months!” He seemed like the nicest, happiest person you meet.

“Oh, um… hi, my name is um.. Rosemary. Niice to meet you.”she stuttered. Why was she so awkward?

“Nice! I love the name Rosemary, it reminds me of the plant, very aromatic!”

Rosemary’s face automatically started heating up. She gave a smile and she tried to cover it up.

“Has anyone ever told you that you have an awesome smile?” He said, noticing that she was getting embarrassed, but deciding to complement her even more.

“Uh… no, not that i know of, um… thank you umm. Damian.”

“Anytime, now, do you happen to know where the music and art section is?”

“Um.. yeah, they’re just over there.”

“Ok! Thank you very much Rosemary!”

"Anytime.."

Rosemary sunk into her seat, why could she speak properly? Normally, she was awkward. But here, she couldn’t even form a sentence! She glanced in his direction. He was walking around with cd cases, humming. Not humming, more like, inventing a whole band. He filled up his whole t-shirt with cds, and walking to the front desk, he dropped a few albums, but he stopped to pick them up.

"Ok! So do I need a card or anything?"

"Umm. no, i don’t think so, just make sure you bring them back in a week. The process to make a card has to be done by another person, and they aren't here right now."

"Ok, for sure, i be certain to come back. Bye Rosemary!"

- "Ummm…. Bye, thanks for coming,"

Rosemary sighed from relief, that was a very awkward conversation. But, no matter how awkward it was, she still wanted to see him again. His positiveness scared her, like no one on earth could have such a bright, real smile. Oh well, no use worrying about this now, she wasn't going to see him tomorrow. She wasn't working this weekend, and someone like him must have lots of plans to go out with friends. Rosemary didn’t have any plans. She never did. She didn't really know anybody in town, so she usually spent her weekends trying to get away from the world by reading, listening to music, or trying to paint.

It was 1 o’clock now, so people were returning with fast food bags. She must be getting to work. Rosemary spent the whole afternoon running the last conversation in her head. He must think I’m so awkward, i hope i don't see him again.

Slowly, throughout the day, the spread sheets filled up, and she headed home.

Guys who encouraged me to post this: @justadamfangirl @ysseking14101 @anxiouswithheadintheclouds @rottendeinn

#my story #writing hacks #writing #almost poetry #almost poetic #sheet music #music problems #musician #musicians #music #new music #the song that binds us

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sainadazai · 3 years

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When your crush is angry all the time

Ch.5

"I don't think fire's all that bad, you know"

3rd person pov

°•○●○•°•○●○•°

As the sun hung high in the sky the h/t haired girl stumbled around the train station in search of a restroom. Y/n had never experienced the mundane tasks a commoner would usually persue on a daily. Things like public transit, or any transit for that matter, were an enigma to her.

So while elder men stared a little too long and young children pointed at her in recognition, she spun in circles like a lost puppy.

"Its just a fucking bathroom, should there be someone here to direct people or something! Ugh and whats with the school girl fetish, these old guy are creeps..." she mumbled to herself continuing to get more and more lost on the platform.

Meanwhile, the rest of 1-A were making their way to internships as well, Midoriya scrolled into some old guys house, Kirishima bumped into his metal replica, and Bakugou held his grump posture and nonchilauntly entered the top 3 heros agency. He was expecting to at least learn something from this guy, or gain real life experience with villains. He never anticipated being scrutinized for his personality. No shit I'm scary, Im trying to kill shitty villains not make teenage girls put a picture of me on their wall.

For the first day of this new challenged everbody seemed to be having a ridiculously mundane time. Not y/n, though. No our main character was going through it, once she made it to the restroom, she got confused by how easily the toilet paper ripped in her hand and spent 20 minutes trying to get at least one whole time out of the stubborn roll. Then, when she opened up her bag to view the new hero-suot her mother helped design...she found strings¿

She ended up having to look at an example picture and read a guide on how to put what where. It took an additional hour considering the tightness of everpiece of fabric and when she stepped out of the stall to look in the mirror, she deadpanned. How could her mother hate her this much? It was already a burden being so sexy, but this? This was crazy.

She wasnt sure weather she should take a million photos, or never leave the bathroom and cry all day. However when her phone rang, a call from Mr.Woods agency, she realized how late she already must be.

In her rush, y/n also forgot about the creeps men and was recieving many stares, that went unnoticed. Until somebody had the audacity to touch her. It was just a ghost of his finger tips on the underneath of her ass that was no doubt on full display. That would not go accepted, as a girl who had turned her past trauma into nothing but a small personality traits, she wasnt scared. Still, as a woman who absolutely idolizes herself, or so she says, no one in this train station deserved the touch of her perfect, shiny, s/c skin.

The last error that secured her terrible first day was how y/n spun around and grabbed the mans fingertips. When she took a glance at him, he was smiling as if he had acomplished something. Boy was he wrong, only coming to realized so when the y/h girl suddenly had sprouted a vine from his finger.

He watched in fear as it began to grow and wrap around him, all the while the young girl he'd never met before let out a sickening aura that couldve suffocate him then and there. The vine continued to curl up around his middle and ring finger, slowly meeting the flash of his palm.

Once the growing stopped, y/n had almost decided to let him go. A part of her new that her plan wasn't well thought through, and he could be an innocent guy that accidentally touched her.

However, aggression outwayed logic and she looked him deep in the eye.

"You like using these fingers to touch things your not supposed to?"

"N-n-"

"Shhh, dont worry, im just gonna make sure you dont go touching things that arnt yours, okay?" She made an aggresive fist with the hand not touching him and the vine squeezed in. Anyone a foot away would be able to tell, but the both of them could hear how his two fingers snapped and bent under the pressure.

With a satisfied grin at the whispering man, y/n decided he had learned his lesson. Wow look at that, and I didnt even need some manly hero to come save me. Atta girl y/n.

Little did she know that not only did her pro-hero boss come to look for her, but je also saw the whole disaster. He was not pleased to say the least.

Y/n pov

°•○●○•°•○●○•°

As the tree like man sat down in his office chair across from me, all I could do was look to my feet. I didnt feel particularily had about my actions, however, I did feel bad about being late.

While it is fun to be spontanious and act like theres nothing to lose, I wasn't lying when I said I wanted to control the earth aspect of my quirk. Ill never admit it if someone asks, but sometimes the only way I can sleep at night is knowing how strong my quirk is. Knowing that they cant hurt me if I stay strong.

Still, it just seems that as I grow older, the people trying to get to be get bolder and more powerful. Some might even say...they get smarter, too. Thats a scary thought; that if I want to stay alive at all I need to be constantly improving. I am not sure if I want to stay alive or not, but Ill be damned if dying or living isnt my choice.

Feeling the need to break the silence, I began my rant on all the reasons I had come up with that justify my actions. I was planning it on the way out here.

"Look, im sorry mr.woods. I know im not very heroic and shit, but when perverts to pervert things somebody has to do something, and its not like anybody else there would have scared a glance if I didnt save myself-"

"Your wrong."

"Huh- I wasnt done. Anyways i-"

"L/n you are wrong."

"Dude im trying to-"

"There was heroes on patrol, how else did you think i found you? There were real heroes ready to protect you, if you had simply shouted people would have been alarmed of such. I dont understand kids and their need to do everything alone." He rolled his eyes behind his mask and continued to stare at me.

"Excuse me but I dont think your in a place to comment on how I react to myself being touched. He was gonna get my skin dirty and for what, two seconds of his school girl fantasy. Ew."

"Your skin....dirty?"

"Yes, he is nowhere near my standards on someone who should be allowed to touch me...not even a brush of the fingers..ugh!"

"Alright well, I cant get you in trouble because then I get in trouble...so, tell me about your quirk while we go on patrol."

His chair sqeaked against the floor as he stood up and it slid back. Then he motioned for me to follow by painting out the door.

Relieved that I didn't have to talk about all the fake reasons people aren't allowed to touch me, and that I could finally get outside so my quirk would stop suffocating me, I was quick to exit the building.

I'm not sure if its the fact that ive only been using a forth of her, but my quirks side effects have been so shitty recently. To the point that our school nurse estimsted my new rate for being inside for an extended period of time was about three hours.

I havent actually combusted in years, but I've been close and god does it hurt. My chest starts to squeeze and I can feel all the energy drain from my body, then pieces of me start to get hold and cold at the same time.

"So what really is your quirk?"

I looked up at the hero next to me as we continued on down the street of the inner City.

"How much did Aizawa tell you?"

"I-he said...she has all the right elements? And told me I'd figure it out.." He scratched the back of his head.

I smirked at that. Who knew aizawa actually listened to the words I said. I was pretty sure after the whole sulking chrollos dick thing, he would have permanently tuned me out.

"Heh, that raggedy ann bastard" I smile smugly.

"So, what does it mean?"

"Ahh, okay so, did you go to U.A?"

"Um yes kid, why?"

Then im certain je knows of my family, explaining my quirk will be easier. God, this really is my favorite part.

I reached my left hand out, knowing he was right handedly and would respond well to it and then spoke.

"Hi, nice to meet you, im y/n l/n of the elementus royal quirk family."

Once he shook my hand I did a polite curtsey, as I learned in ballet to do that instead of bowing. Its much more fun to do this at family event, where I get to wear big dresses and pretend im important...but this'll have to do.

"The-i-oh shit..." He mumbled the last part in defeat, likely just figuring out what he'd gotten himself in to.

"So, im guessing you've got ...."

"Total control, yup" I confirmed.

"And you wanna focus on earth elements, like what flowers?"

I smirk up at him allowing my aura to put an intimidating facade.

"Actually I was thing more like venus fly traps" as I said traps I let my hands clap together mimicking the plant and bit at the air with my teeth.

He stopped walking and just glanced from side to side, waiting for me to start making sense again.

Until we heard some crying in the distance.

The two of our heads shot over and were met with a strange sight. There were three young boys, looked about 8¿ and a man, hero maybe? Crouched in front of them not looking all that nice. He had spike blonde hair, red eyes, gauntlets on his wris-

"Oh my god its bakugou, look sir! Thats the hot guy I switched schools for!"

"Wha-"

"BAKUGOUUUU!! HEYYY!"

his head slowly shifted from the kids to me and it seemed to only make him more angry. Then, once again I couldn't help but bask in the pure aggression...in his eyes.

They were red, fitting for the anger thry held, but it was beautiful. It was passionate, the way he could yell for hours about god knows what because he cares. He may care about petty things, or silly things, but he always cares so much. So passionately. That I can see it in his eyes.

"Oh my, whAt is this costume deary?"best jeanist spoke from ahead of us as we approach.

"Hi sir, sorry about the skin showing, my quirk is heavily enhanced the more my pours are exposed to the natural elements, especially oxygen. If I was more covered parts of my body would begin to go completely numb. Also doesnt my body look amazing! Im a lot more in shape since you saved me last"

I blamed happily at jeanist. Though we arent neceserilly close, he is definitely a great hero and has always been someone who easily sees through my façaude. Plus his fashion sense is wonderful and I often send him pictures of my outfits. Although he doesnt respond I know he sees them and if they were bad he would be mean about it instead of ignoring it.

"Well. It definitely gives your body..access to that. And the sword?"

Ahh...the sword that I liked to carry. It was now stored in its place on my back.

"Call it a good luck charm, plus, we cant rely only on our quirks, then we are just weak people with strong powers. Rather than strong people."

I was always one to put on a show for him, as I do for lost of pro heroes. Its a lot more fun to say things like your all serious and fancy and smart sometimes. Its my little inside joke with myself, like to laugh at how easily people are awed by it.

Like how even though children were still crying bakgou was staring at me face void of emotion, completely struck at my words.

Definitely not..staring at my body that was exposed. Not eyeing the tight strap that wraps my left leg, that he doesnt know is a funcional lasso.

Noticing him, im quick to avert my attention.

"Hey bakugou~"

"Tch you really went from shitty princess to slutty princess huh?"

"You really went from telling deku you'd be number one hero, to making kids cry on the street, huh?" I challenged

I heard the crying boys laugh a little, just the age reminded me of my brother, Im sure they have nothing in common, but I havent seen any of my brothers in quite some time so I suppose a small part of me was just projecting.

I hated that they were crying, though. Ussually I dont like kids, they are stinky and gross and the main reason people have been ruining my life up til now. However, noticing these three reacting to bakugou in a way I wish emotionally available enough for, it made me feel obligated to help them. Wierd, huh.

"Hey, did that guy use his fire all scary?"

"Yeah, he was gonna kill us"

"Fires scary."

I giggled a bit, I knew fire like the back of my hand. It was the first thing I mastered as a child and the way I see bakugou use it doesnt to the element justice.

"Hm, well, I dont think so...can I show you something?"

The kid in the middle, apparently the braver of them, lifted his gaze from the concrete to meet my eyes. Just as I crouched down to my knees in front of them he nodded up at me.

I smiled at this, proud that I earned his trust for...some odd reason.

My hands formed a cup shape in front of him and I focused my ears so I could hear the blood rushing through my own brain, like waves. This was how I learned to use elements singularly: by using my internally noise to block out everything else.

I first allowed a small line of fire to dance around, now bigger than a candle wick. Then through another, and another as the boy watched carefully. Not yet impressed his face was still caustious. However I continued focusing my energy, feeling my body, the air around me, the heat of the sun, even remember the passion from bakugous crimson eyes.

I as I did so the many small flames twirled and twisted within eachother forming into a beautiful blue and orange fluctuating flower.

The boy looked into my hands mouth now agape, tears dried, fear gone. Then, again, for some reasons unbeknownst to me... I felt a sense of pride.

He tapped his friends so they would look up and I continued making my fire into different things, birds, planes, people. The kids were entranced.

I looked back to see the two pros staring at me with a certain level of pride mixer with shock. While bakugou seemed at a loss for words. God knows why this time?

"I don't think fire is all that bad you know..."

"Pft, yeah, I know kid," with that I threw my little flames above their heads and let the sparks fall down of them like shiny glitter. Then, overwhelmed with this horrible feeling in my chest. I retreatdd to my boss for the weak. Was that..happiness? Ew.

#bakugou x reader #bakugou x you #mha bakugou #bakugou katsuki #bakusquad #bnha bakugo katsuki #mha deku #mha fanfiction #mha todoroki #mha fluff

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smallblanketfort · 6 years

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hey, i know this is super weird, but you give good advice so... i've been having a lot of trouble with the concept of love recently. my whole life i haven't been interested in boys or like romantic investment of any sort. but the older i get, the more i see that everyone care so strongly about falling in love... and s*x. like i get it, it's nice but.... why. i look around and i feel like everyone is just thinking about s*x all the time. and (obviously) i feel those feelings too from time p1

to time. and i’m so worried that it’s just gonna control me. where i won’t think about anything else. like is it true that everyone around me is either thinking about s*x or love or feeling aroused all the time? is there any art or beauty outside of love? and the more i think about it, the more it worries me, and the more i feel like i’m being controlled by my sexual/romantic feelings and it’s just a downward spiral

i really don’t want to experience this “love” everyone else talks about. i don’t want to lose myself to it. i want to be who i am, love the things i always have, and have no desire for love or the act of… you know. but obviously i develop crushes, and that scares me. and i’m worried that everything people do is centered around s*x. it’s an irrational fear, and i have no idea how to explain it. i just wish that i could distance myself from any sort of urges or contemplation of what love means

ah a mood! i get this disgusted feeling sometimes when i think about dating in 2018. i know absolutely no one who hasn’t met their s/o on tinder, and in my ventures into it, there’s no part of me brave enough to go forth. and, yes, i have no desire to date 80% of the time, because there’s something almost weak to me about it, about not being independent and so forth… but when i observe healthy relationships (the very few i know of), i know that this isn;t the case.

so first i’d recommend figuring out what you want out of a relationship. if you’re afraid of losing independence, start there! you want someone who will support you in your individual identity! who will support you in your passions and love and who will give you that space to grow. who will continually show you that there is beauty and love outside of each other. someone who has their own passions. (this is some of my list anyway.)

however, i am 22 now and here is what i have learned:

not every person is the same. you are not the same.but this also means that there are people who are similar, who have similar edges. there are some people who get you. so you might not know someone you’d like that way now, but you might later. you never know.

which is also to say that yeah, some people are horny or at least fronting to be so all the time. are they actually? i highly doubt it, biologically, but they’ll act like it. or, it’s just revealing how they view a certain demographic as purely sexual objects. but that’s not everyone… i think sometimes it’s easier to subscribe to this, to protect your actual self, to avoid vulnerability. it’s easier to seem stronger that way. i have done this. keep being honest with yourself, to recognize when you’re falling down your spiral, and taking a step back, deleting the apps, and recentering yourself.

vulnerability is a gift. practice with your friends. the closer i get to friends, the more at ease i become at the prospect of a romantic relationship. this is to say, the more content i am with singleness, and not in a bitter way. and also, the more patient i am with relationships, because it’ll come as necessary, and when it does, i’ll be better equipped to deal with it. i’ll be a better partner.

partner is a good word.

your partner should help you grow in a good/better direction. otherwise maybe you’re better off as fwb. but that’s just my opinion :)

there are so many types of love. love exists outside of romance. platonic love. love for the planet. love for a pet. love for family. love for art. love for music. love for oceans and mountains and grass and birds and trees and the sky and open windows. love for soft beds. love for causes. love for people around you:love as seeking and recognizing the value in xyz.(rather than just obsession)

i absolutely have a deep fear of relationships centralizing on sex. this really does scare me, and i guess i’m waiting for someone to prove me otherwise. but i’m also finally willing to hold out for that.

but here’s the thing, trying to weave all of the above together: each relationship is unique and yours. this means that you need to be open to discussing things. if you’re falling too deep and need some space, get that space. routinely check in with yourself. i suggest being friends first and then becoming partners so that you know how each other works beforehand. but, of course, this doesn’t always happen, and that’s okay. it’s a process.

which also means no relationship is a waste, even as it ends. things can happen for a reason. make a reason. find a way to grow from it, something to learn, something to help you become better, to help you grow, so that you are closer to exactly who you’re supposed to be when you meet The One.

and speaking of which, john green talked about singleness once and he said that meeting the person you marry will hopefully happen only once. this was really comforting to me, because it made me realize that if someone’s not falling in love with me 24/7 it’s okay. i’m only looking for one moment out of my whole life, and it can happen at any moment, we can’t know.

in the end, where you are, you can invest in yourself. keep grounding yourself in what you love, in the beauty and love you see/feel around you, in art, in what inspires you. stay grounded and connected. be very honest with yourself.

keep thinking about it. i dont think it’s something we just come to understand, i think it’s an ever evolving process. you’re already doing so so well with these messages. very thoughtful and self aware. keep it up, and remember, this moment isnt forever. hopefully you’ll keep growing through your life and your definitions will keep changing, hopefully for the better.

i hope this helps and please send me any more thoughts! i really really appreciate this discussion.

#remember #this was so helpful actually #anon #i didnt want to adddress the quotes about not being able to love unless u love urself #bc that's bullshit #but there's a self respect aspect #so it's twisty

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gay-trans-lgbt-advice · 7 years

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Hi, I hope it's okay to ask for advice? I'm a 22 year old lesbian and I've never had a gf. In the past couple of weeks I've gone on 3 dates with a girl I met online. After the first date I was really giddy and happy, after the second I started to have doubts and on the third I was just kind of bored? She's genuinely nice, we have a ridiculous amount of things in common, there's nothing at all I actively dislike about her but I'm just not feeling it and I'm worried maybe its just internalized (1)

homophobia or that I’m just used to being alone. It’s happened to me with 2 other girls in the past that after 1 or 2 dates I’m just really disinterested. I feel like there’s something wrong with me??? I know I’m attracted to girls but maybe I’m so used to repressing desire, I just don’t feel it irl. A part of me feels like i should just take a chance, but at the same time the last thing I want to do is hurt someone by leading them on. If you can, please help :( thanks (2)

Hmmm, this is a hard one. I think it’s possible that you just initially found these people physically attractive but after going on dates with them you just didn’t click, the spark just wasn’t there.

I think that there is a chance, though, that your attraction to them disappearing could be a result of internalized homophobia if you have only fully accepted your lesbianism and come out somewhat recently, maybe in the past year, or two max? Just because these things take different amounts of time for different people but you’re more likely to have a bit of internalized homophobia if it hasn’t been very long. Have you noticed any other signs of subtle internalized homophobia anywhere in your life? Like for example stopping yourself or lightly scolding yourself when you think a stranger is attractive or if you find yourself looking at a girls butt maybe, really never wanting to talk to your friends you’re out to about girls, avoiding mentioning anything relating to the fact that you’re gay even when surrounded by accepting people you’re out to when the thought or topic comes up, etc etc. Because if you do still have bits of internalized homophobia to deal with, which is perfectly fine and normal and understandable no matter how long you’ve been out or known, it will probably present itself in more than just one specific way here.

If you’ve thought long and hard about it, and maybe learned a tiny bit about different more subtle ways internalized homophobia can present itself and find that there is absolutely nothing else in your life that points in that direction, maybe this isn’t that either. But the only one who can really figure out if this is internalized homophobia or not is you. Unfortunately.

Anyway, back to my original thought. There is nothing wrong with you. Nothing. I swear. If it IS the internalized crap, thats fine, at least you will know then and can work on it, every single one of us deals with it, and often in an ongoing manner and for a long time in different ways. However, it is possible that despite having plenty of things in common and not disliking this girl in any particular way, maybe there just isn’t a strong connection, maybe there isn’t a spark, maybe she’s just cute and with similar interests and thats where that stops. It takes more than that to truly have a relationship, something deeper. Maybe she just isn’t your type of person. Maybe you need to really click with someone and that just hasn’t happened yet. I would say try to get to know them better but feeling genuinely bored on a third date isnt exactly a great sign that she’s your type of person. And three times where you thought you liked someone and then that attraction dissipated after getting to know them? Honestly that’s not even that many times, like its not hard to think someone is attractive but just for some reason not truly connect in the way you want to with the person underneath/inside. You know how many times that happens to straight people before they find someone to fall in love with? So. Many. Times. So give yourself the chance, the benefit of the doubt, if it does end up just being that.

Honestly, idk girly. I have no idea. I’ve talked plenty about both sides, so there you go, cause really the only person who can give you the answer you’re looking for of ‘is this internalized homophobia or not’ is you, after plenty of thought and soul searching. Maybe it is. Maybe it isn’t. If it is, either give the girl a break to work through it, or give her a chance and see if a spark happens later. If it isn’t, maybe you’re just not truly interested anymore. The giddiness after the first date is just cause its a first date id say.

****sorry for writing a damn novel ahhhhhhhhhh***

Edit: oh yeah you could also like. Talk. To this girl you’ve been on three dates with/ are seeing and explain the issue maybe especially if you decide to stop seeing her cause open and proper communication is rad & being ghosted on fuckin sucks thats your psa of the day bye

#has anyone noticed that the more I have no idea what to say the more I do say #its a problem honestly i need to stop writing novels in response to advice asks #internalized lesbophobia #internalized homophobia #relationship advice #ask #anon

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