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lionlena · 10 months

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Unforgivable mistake (JoelMillerxreader)

Summary: Reader is much younger than Joel and is in love with him. One night, after arguing with Tess and getting drunk, Joel spends the night with a reader, but in the morning he breaks her heart… She runs away from Boston hoping that she will never meet this cold bastard again in her life. But almost six years later, she unexpectedly sees Joel in Jackson. She decides to hide herself and her little secret from this asshole.

Warnings: age gap (in Boston reader is about 23 years, Joel 52, in Jackson 28 - 58), at the beginning reader is very innocent and naive, uncertain consent, rough sex, fingering, unprotect p in v, dom!Joel, Joel is asshole, drinking, drunk sex, sexual abuse, swearing, ANGST, hurt, sadness and heartbreaking, NSFW

Everyone in Boston knew what kind of man Joel Miller was. Everyone called him: an asshole, a cold bastard, a dangerous man. Everyone except you. For some inexplicable reason, ever since you saw this man, you've seen something more in him. You were much younger than him, smaller, weaker, yet you always instinctively stayed close to him, as if you believed he wouldn't hurt you. You have a crush on him. And Joel...

Joel treated you like a harmless pet stuck to his leg. Most of the time he paid no attention to you, though you saw each other often.

First, you lived in the same building. Secondly, you often worked in the same places. Mostly because you specifically chose the same jobs. Third, your roommate, Claudia, worked at a bar that Joel frequented. Of course, you went there often too and pretended it was because of your friend.

And it's possible that's where your tragedy began.

You were sitting at the bar when raised voices caught your attention. You turned just as Tess shoved Joel and left the bar. He first took a step towards the door, then waved his hand and returned to the table where he was sitting. You wriggled uneasily in your chair and heard your friend grunt. You gave her an annoyed look. Claudia thought you're falling in love with Joel was pathetic, dangerous, and stupid.

"Don't even think this is your chance. He's pretty drunk and pissed off."

"I didn't even think about it," you lied.

"Yeah, sure. You know what, do what you want, but..." She lowered her voice. "This is our last evening together, I won't be here by this time tomorrow.”

You felt a sudden surge of anger. Claudia and a few of her friends decided to leave Boston and seek their fortune who knows where. You thought it was just stupid and... Part of you was angry at your friend for leaving you. As if reading your mind, she said, "You know, you can still change your mind and..."

"No" you growled and jumped off the chair.

Your friend gave you a pleading look and whispered, "Don't do it."

You didn't even look at her and walked towards Joel.

"Hi," you said and he just gave you an annoyed look.

"What do you want?" he murmured.

Your confidence quickly evaporated and you bit your lip.

"Nothing... I'm just going home and... I thought..." Joel suddenly stood up and you jumped back.

"Come on," he growled.

You nodded your head and followed him. On the way, Joel didn't speak to you at all, but you didn't mind. You're used to his cold behavior. As you walked up the stairs, he swayed slightly and you tried to grab him. You ended up trapped between his body and the wall. Joel leaned towards you and you felt a shiver run down your spine.

"Why are you always squirming under my feet like some fucking puppy?"

You swallowed and turned your head to the side. You couldn't look him in the eye, but he grabbed your chin tightly and forced you to look at him. You felt your cheeks burn and you started to get wet. Being around Joel was like a drug for you. You've dreamed of this moment so many times that you ignored all warnings.

"What do you want?" Your eyes landed on his crotch and he chuckled. "You think little girls like you can play with big boys?"

You shot him a defiant look and snarled, "I know how to fuck, Joel. I've had a lot of men."

Well, you weren't technically a virgin, but... You've only had sex with one guy a few months before, but you were so eager to impress Joel that the lie easily slipped out of your mouth. He seemed to sense it was a bluff because he raised an eyebrow and croaked, "Okay, we'll see." Then he kissed you roughly and you sighed. There was no love in it, just pure lust, but you pushed the thought aside.

He grabbed your hand and dragged you to his apartment. He wasn't playing with you. He quickly and roughly took off your clothes and pushed you onto the bed. He shoved his fat finger inside you and smiled. "This is going to be interesting... I can't remember the last time I had such a tight pussy."

You swallowed, but you were determined. You wanted it. You wanted him to see that you were the woman who could give him everything. You tried to show him some affection. You kissed his shoulders and stroked his back, but he paid no attention to you. He slid a second finger inside you and began to stretch you. It didn't last long, however, and soon he replaced his fingers with his thick penis. He shoved it into you hard and you moaned in pain.

"Joel..." you squealed. "Slow down... It's hurt."

He gripped your hips hard and growled, "You wanted it, now take it all."

This is not how you imagined your first time with him. But you kept telling yourself it'd be better after that. You'll be together, and Joel will treat you like a princess. You closed your eyes, bit your lip and let a few tears roll down your cheek. The bed creaked and rocked back and forth. You tried to focus on the pleasure, but you couldn't feel any comfort. Joel gasped right next to your ear until he finally stopped, moaned loudly, and spilled inside you. Then he dropped onto his back next to you and you curled up into a ball by his side. You felt him pat your back and you smile weakly. You believed Joel would learn to love you.

In the morning you woke up moments before him, you were sore but you enjoyed the closeness of the man you had been in love with for so long. You laid your head on his chest and sighed. But you didn't enjoy your happiness for long. As soon as Joel woke up he gasped "What the fuck?!"

He pushed you away and looked at you angrily. However, you decided not to give up and in a sweet voice you said: "Hi honey."

Joel winced and immediately sat on the bed, covering his face with his hands. "What the fuck happened yesterday?"

You knelt on the bed and put your hand on his shoulder saying, "We made love."

Joel pushed your hand away, stood up, and grabbed his pants. As he put them on, he growled, "That was a mistake!!!”

"We wanted this," you whispered.

He snorted and replied, "More like my penis wanted it, now fuck off before Tess gets back."

You didn't believe what you heard. "But... But... I thought you had feelings for me."

Joel huffed in annoyance and rubbed his hand over his face. "Look, you're a child, and yesterday you were just a hole I fucked. No feelings. Got it?"

You felt like someone punched you in the stomach. It's like the ground has shifted beneath your feet. How could you be so stupid? You were in love with him and believed he was good, but... You were a stupid kid who believed in fairy tales. Joel used you, and he considered you a "mistake". You jumped off the bed and started to gather your clothes in a hurry. Joel watched you and opened his mouth as if to say something, but finally looked away and sighed in relief as you slammed the door.

Once inside your apartment, you locked yourself in your room and started crying loudly. After a while, you heard a soft knock and the worried voice of your friend.

"Y/N, are you okay?"

You finally got up, opened the door, and before she could ask anything you just said, "Can I run away with you?"

Claudia nodded and hugged you. She didn't ask anything, didn't say she was right about Joel. She was just there for you. That same day, you packed up and left Boston with your heart shattered. And you promised yourself you'd never fall in love with any man again. No one will call you a mistake anymore.

It was a mistake to believe that Joel had a good heart. He was just a cold bastard, asshole, stupid prick. You hoped you'd never see him again.

(6 years later)

Your heart stopped the moment you heard his scream. "Toooommyyyy ."

No, no, no, no... You thought this nightmare would never come back. Sure, you knew Tommy was Joel's brother, but somehow you always believed that asshole would never come to Jackson. You watched from a safe distance as they hugged. You suddenly felt a tug on your sleeve and looked down. A pair of sweet brown eyes stared at you expectantly.

"Mommy, are we going?"

You took a deep breath and forced a smile. "Honey, Mommy just remembered she left something very important at home and we need to get back there."

"But mommy," Teddy whined. "We were supposed to visit the horsies."

You knelt down next to your son and grabbed his hands. "I know, but... You know what? I promise I'll make you cookies and you can eat as much as you want."

Your child's eyes widened. "Really?"

"Yes."

The little boy started jumping up and down in excitement, and you breathed a sigh of relief as you quickly returned home.

You didn't really know what you were planning to do. You couldn't hide in the house forever. In fact, you could. But you knew your son would eventually want to go outside, and then sooner or later you'd meet Joel.

What if he recognizes you?

What if he notices something about your son?

You had to protect your baby boy from that bastard. You didn't sleep a wink that night, wondering what to do.

However, in the morning the problem solved itself. As you were going to the stables to do your job of feeding the horses, you noticed that one horse was missing. Tommy explained to you that he gave it to his brother who left town with a girl named Ellie.

You felt like jumping for joy. That prick disappeared from your life again, and you could live peacefully again.

Until spring.

You were walking home enjoying the warm weather when suddenly your nightmare came out of the abandoned house next to yours.

"Y/N?!"

You felt a wave of panic wash over you. Joel quickly walked over to you and smiled slightly. You were filled with rage. That bastard had the audacity to smile at you. As if you were his old acquaintance with whom he parted in friendship. As if he never took advantage of your naivety.

"It's really you. Nice to see you."

A wave of rage washed over you. All the pain you felt for months after he broke your heart came back to you in one second. You remembered how he gasped against your ear, how he shoved his cock into you without warning. You lost your temper and... You punched him in the face and growled, "Fuck off, Joel!!!"

Then you ran home, leaving him in complete shock.

A shadow from the darkness Rising up again Never knew it could be so cold Fire underneath my skin Can you hear the storm's a coming I'm a silver in the lining There's a spark in me There's a spark in me

They say I'm a dangerous man Better run fast as you can Don't you look back Every bone in my body's bad Fire's burning, the skies are turning black They say I'm a dangerous man

Little Dume - Dangerous Man

Part 2

Taglist: @ajeff855, @anislabonis-love, @o-sacra-virgo-laudes-tibi, @i-workwithpens, @milla-frenchy, @quality-lust

(ok so add to taglist everyone that commented on the post but if you don't want to be tagged let me know and I'll fix it)

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal characters #joel miller #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller x reader #dom!joel miller #joel is asshole #angst #hurt #broken heart #me heart is broken #the last of us #tlou fanfiction

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