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squiggledrop · 3 years

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I’m Sorry - Spencer Reid x Reader

Masterlist

Summary: Reid gets shot on a case and is in the hospital. But him and Reader have so much left they want to do. So, living on borrowed time, Reader does all they can do.

Word Count: 2.7k

Pairings: Spencer Reid x Reader

Category: Angst

Warnings: Allusions to death, hospitals, references to major injuries, mentions of a god

Note: Could be read as a part 2 to Your Other Half, but doesn’t have to be. But you should go read that if you haven’t👀👀. Also, the italics are “Spencer”, but are kind of up for interpretation. Also, I’m like ✨struggling✨ so I just kind of wrote this and figured I’d share, but I promise I’ll have some actual fics soon. Also, just saying this so it’s said, but, this is literally just me ranting and believe whatever you want to believe because it is 100% valid and should always be respected. Last thing, title should be read in John Mulaney’s voice because every time I read it that’s all I can hear in my head, so I think you should too. “I’m SoOOoRy”

“Hey Spence.” Your hushed voice broke through the unbearable silence in the room, only mediated by the monotonous beeping of the countless machines hooked up to Spencer.

“We’re in the hospital right now. You had surgery and they were able to fix the bullet wound. But, the doctor said that your injury caused swelling in your brain, and if it doesn’t stop soon, there won’t be much they can do.” Your breathing stuttered as you blinked back tears. “So, I’m going to need you to try and stop it okay?”

You gripped his hand in yours, resting it against your forehead as tears poured down your cheek.

“We always knew you had a big, genius brain. I guess we just never thought about what would happen when it got a little too big.” You let out a slight laugh through your nose, blinking away the tears in your eyes. “I always knew you were too amazing to be bound by something so nominal as a human body. Normally, every room you occupy is consumed by your warmth and filled with your laughter.” You forced a weak smile as his comforting laugh replayed in your mind. With a sigh, you looked around the sterile room. The fluorescent lights were too bright. They would give Spencer a headache.

“But not this one,” you choked out, turning back towards his unconscious form. “I miss your beautiful smile and gentle eyes because, right now, you feel so small. Your hand is in mine, but it just doesn’t feel right.” You cautiously stroked the back of his hand, examining the foreign feeling. “It’s too bony and fragile. Your hands are normally soft and warm, but right now they’re just so cold.” You placed a kiss on the middle of his palm before resting your cheek in it. The chilling of his hand burned your inflamed cheeks.

“I asked the nurse to get you another blanket because I know how much you hate the cold. She gave me that look we give victims' families when we have to tell them their loved one is dead,” you scoffed. “Sometimes it really sucks to always know what people are thinking.” You tried to calm yourself down, rolling your lips between your teeth, but it was no use.

“I really need you to hang on okay, baby? I hope you aren't in any pain, but I need you to hang on.” Despite your best efforts, desperation bled through every word you spoke. “I-I know it’s selfish, but I can't do this without you Spence.” With every second that past your throat constricted even more. “I know it’s selfish, but I need you. God, Spence, please come back to me,” you cried.

I always found that to be such an interesting term: “praying to a god you don’t believe in”. You closed your eyes, relishing in the sound of his voice. You knew it wasn’t real, but for now, it was good enough. It is used in literature and in modern music so often, and rightly so, but is never given the weight it truly possesses. Despite everything you know, all of the scientific explanations you have that can explain the world around you, when you are that desperate, you throw it all out the window in a split second. You don’t believe in a god. Yet, when faced with a difficult situation, and you have nothing else to hold onto, you immediately pray to something that you know holds no validity.

“Because it’s all I can do.”

You are so desperate and helpless to the extent that you are praying to something that you know logically is not real, yet with every fiber of your being you are praying for its help.

“Isn’t it just human nature?”

Well, some may say it’s humanizing. I would disagree. I think it is the least human thing you can do. It’s human nature to be curious and want explanations for the phenomena around you. That’s why, out of all species on earth, humans are the most advanced. They are the only species to change their environment to fit their needs. They have no natural predators, despite having absolutely no defense mechanisms. They have survived and evolved based on their thirst for knowledge and answers. But, when faced with some of the toughest situations in life, yet some of the most natural, they disregard everything they know to be true, and blindly beg for the help of some mythological deity.

Death is a natural progression of life. We know how and why it happens, and we have formulas and data to predict when it will come.

“But when it’s someone you know, someone you love, despite knowing everyone’s time will one day come, you can’t help but to beg for it not to be the case,” you pointed out.

You ask something you don’t believe in, something you know to not be true, to change the inevitable. You ask something you don’t believe in to change precedent. You ask for some miracle, that you already know the minuscule probability of.

“Is it avoidance?”, you genuinely asked out loud, missing the way Spencer was always there with an answer for everything.

Well, you know the science and statistics behind it. You know the odds are not in your favor. So, rather than acknowledge that and live with the truth, you abandon everything you hold to be true, and instead conjure some faith in a god you know isn’t there. I mean, is it better to have blind hope or just accept the facts?

“Isn’t there something to be said for being optimistic?” you countered.

Of course. One of the amazing laws of our natural world is that nothing is impossible. Sure, if you keep shoving your hand at the wall enough times, statistically speaking, eventually your hand will have the exact orientation to go between all the atoms perfectly, and your hand will go through the wall. But, if I were to ask you to believe that I could do it, would you?

“No,” you replied.

Of course not. Because it’s illogical. So then, why is your immediate reaction to devastating information to refuse it and do something illogical?

“Is it to feel useful?”

You know the statistics. Realistically, you know there is nothing you can do to change the outcome. But, it is human nature to try and come up with solutions to our problems. After having exhausted all other possibilities and coming up empty, you persist. You don’t give up. Even if you know it’s nonsensical, you still need to feel as though you are trying. But that’s the operative part: feel as though. Is it human inclination to want to try and solve the problem and contribute positively to the situation? Or is it a selfish need to not feel powerless?

“There is nothing worse than feeling as though you have no control. When everything you love has been taken from you, and you are desperate for any solution to your problem, it makes sense that one would try all their options, no matter how unlikely, because you still have to at least try.”

But, it’s important to remember that no matter how many times you shove your hand at the wall, you will always end up hurt before it goes through. You let out a small smile, pondering his words.

“Is it a reminder, that despite how much we claim to know and understand about the universe, that we know practically nothing?”

Ah, therein lies the beauty of science. Every time a question is answered, it introduces a plethora of others to be figured out. Despite knowing the facts, you are reminded about how much you do not know. There is so much uncertainty in everyday life, and no matter how much you may try, life does not take place in a laboratory. You cannot control for all the confounding variables life has to offer. You don’t get to test your hypothesis over and over, tweaking your experiment as you go. You are granted one life. You must use it to its fullest extent.

“Did you?” you abruptly asked.

I wouldn’t have changed anything, because it brought me to you. And you are my greatest accomplishment. You nodded your head, wiping away the tears that pooled in your eyes.

“Look, I may not believe in this supposed god I’m praying to. But, if she actually is out there, what’s the harm in praying she lets my hand make it through the wall? The worst that could happen is she doesn’t listen and I end up with a few bruises and a broken bone. Because, in the grand scheme, what’s a broken bone compared to your life?” There was silence, and you didn’t feel like waiting for a response.

“You are the kindest, gentlest, most generous person I know. Everyone has been through so much. I-it’s too soon. That's how I know there isn’t a god, because she wouldn’t be this cruel. She wouldn’t take you from us too.” In your mind, all of the losses you two had suffered over the years replayed. All of the lost lives, lost friends. “I always tried so hard to be strong for you. I tried to be there, and for the most part I was. I held you in my arms. I kissed the top of your head. I let you know you are so loved, that I was there and I would never let go, because that’s what you do for the ones you love-

I know

“-but for every ounce of strength I gave, I lost a part of me. I still remember the day it happened. I remember the day we said goodbye, and I remember the endless months of hurt. But, what are you supposed to do when someone loses someone like that?”

Well, you hold them in your arms and let them know they are loved.

“But I can’t do it again,” you practically shouted. “I can’t,” you gasped.

I know

“I can’t go through that again-”

I know

“-my arms are too tired and weak-”

I know

“-my eyes have lost enough tears-”

I know

“I-I can’t be strong for anyone anymore.”

I know baby, I’m sorry

You let your head collapse in front of you, hugging Spencer’s limp arm into your chest.

“It’s not fair,” you murmur between broken sobs. “I need someone to hold me-”

I know

“-and I need someone to tell me it’s okay, because I know it’s not. Nothing about this is okay.”

I know

“God, would you just shut up? Just for once Spencer!” Your breathing heaved as you lifted your head, looking down at the lifeless body in front of you. “I know you know, okay? I know you know everything.” Your own voice bounced around the room, ringing in your ears. “You can claim that you have a formula for any problem, and sure, you can rattle off any statistic. But, for the love of god Spencer, don’t forget, mathematics was invented,” you spat. “It is a made up world that people use to quantify the incomprehensible. It’s a tool that was made to try and make sense of the chaotic world that surrounds us.” The volume of your voice shattered, and you broke down again, cursing yourself for screaming at your unconscious husband.

But, you heard his soft, knowing voice that you missed so much, try as we might, the law of entropy prevails, and with every negative delta g we descended further and further into disorder. One variable that does not have a differential equation to solve is emotions. That’s what makes us different. We care for one another. That is human nature. We try to help those in need and even if we can never fully understand the working of the universe, at least we can make a slightly more positive place. Yes, you can calculate the probability of every known outcome, but you are not a robot. We have survived because of our inclination to help others. We work together for a common goal. We love. We hate. We get scared. We get excited. We are shy and outgoing. We are happy and we are sad. But, no matter what we are, we do it with passion. We love so intensely that it physically hurts. We can feel such joy that it feels as though it is bursting out of us. We are empathetic. We can feel others’ emotions as if they were our own.

“But, we can also hurt,” you chided. “We can hurt so bad that it feels debilitating. We can hurt so bad that it's easier to just shut off and not think.” You looked over his stoic face, desperately trying to picture his golden eyes through his ashen eyelids. “Yes, that means losing your humanity, but when it’s at the cost of feeling your world crumble before you, suffocating you with it, being a robot begins to have its appeals.”

I guess. You could hear the slight smirk in his voice. It depends on your point of view. You can have a reductionist mind set, and see the world for what it is: a bunch of chemicals interacting. Or, you can take a more philosophical approach and contemplate the meaning of life. But one cannot exist without the other. There is a nuanced duality that must be maintained, or there is no point to either.

You cupped his jaw in your hand, running your thumb over cheek.

“Every time I see your face I smile. When you tell me you love me my heart feels so full.” You swallowed thickly, picturing all of the morning you woke up next to Spencer, never really knowing which one would be your last. “When I hug you, I feel safe. Yeah, we may just be a sack of chemicals, but I was lucky enough that our atoms came together in this specific combination at the same point in time.” Your voice squeezed as you tried to continue speaking, “And I know the probability of that happening is minuscule, so why can’t this be too?” you pleaded. “I know it’s unlikely, but if I was so lucky to have you in my life, why can’t I be just as lucky and get my hand through the wall on the first try?”

Because you are human, whatever that means. He spoke as if it was the simplest thing in the world. No matter how hard we may try, we are controlled by our emotions. I love you, and you love me, and it’s as simple and complicated as that.

“I know that every moment you are alive is a second of gifted time, but it’s still never enough. I don’t want to say goodbye. We have so much more to do. We have plans, and promises that still need to be fulfilled”

I don’t want to say goodbye either

“This isn’t fair, we are supposed to have more time.”

I know, but I need you to be strong, for me.

“But I don’t know what to do.”

I need you to try.

“No, Spence, I-I’m letting you know now that I won’t be able to do it. I can't be strong again. I’m sorry, but I just can’t do it.” You cried into his chest, savoring the sound of his faint heartbeat.

“I’m sorry.”

You waited for a response, desperate to hear his voice for as long as you could. But, it never came.

“Hey, you doing okay?” You gasped, lifting your head and looking around the room. Your eyes fell on Derek in the doorway. “I thought I heard you talking, are you okay?” Concern laced his brow as he looked at you.

“Y-yeah, I’m as fine as I can be,” you reassured, wiping your eyes. He nodded and gave you a sympathetic smile. You watched as he turned to leave, going back to the others in the waiting room. You let out a helpless breath, your eyes falling back onto the man that lay beside you.

Yes, you are human. And as tears roll down your face, and helplessness courses through your veins, you will continue to pray to a god you don’t believe in, because what else are you supposed to do?

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid #dr spencer reid #Spencer Reid fic #spencer reid fanfiction #reid x reader #spencer x reader #Criminal Minds #spencer reid angst #mgg #derek morgan #spencer reid x y/n #spencer x y/n #reid x y/n #spencer reid imagine #spencer

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wh6res · 3 years

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“𝑰’𝑴 𝒀𝑶𝑼𝑹 𝑳𝑰𝑮𝑯𝑻, 𝒀𝑶𝑼𝑹 𝑶𝑵𝑳𝒀 𝑺𝑨𝑽𝑰𝑶𝑼𝑹.”

part of the 21 ways to kill your lover collab hosted by the lovely miss solange @du0tine

pairing. entity! xdj & f! reader | word count. 5.4k

synopsis. he wasn’t a god, he wasn’t a devil, and fuck, he’s surely not an angel, but he will be your saviour and your light ‘till kingdome come.

warnings. tread with caution. yandere/possesive themes, religious themes, violence, mentions of gore, swearing, mentions of ptsd, mentions of physical abuse, a lot of character deaths, manipulation, stalking, and implications of suicide

disclaimer. i do not condone whatever tf i wrote in this nor does it reflect my beliefs or values or morals and such. it is all pure fiction and i also dont think xiaojun from wayv would act like this in real life.

a soul’s vulnerability gives him strength. he has scourged far and wide and has yet to encounter a soul as interesting as yours. he never thought a heart filled with hatred and a fragile mentality can be such a sweet combination. xiaojun would be stupid not to latch his greedy talons onto you.

he hides in the darkest corners of your room at night, unseen and unheard, just watching over you like a predator to his poor unsuspecting gazelle before diving into the anticipated chase.

he moves in with you into the cheap apartment you got for yourself here in the big city—which he thinks is an awful move because of how lonely it’ll be. but hey, it wasn’t anyone’s fault that you got chased out of your own home by your stepdad, your very own biological mom too scared to say a peep of defense to your name.

your downfalls became xiaojun’s highlights.

he would’ve felt sorry for you after finding out about that abusive old man. ugh, he scowls. your stepdad makes the entity’s blood boil and he doesn’t even have blood to begin with. the same man who holds the bible in his left hand when he preaches sermons for the people, is the same hand he uses to hit you across the face.

the same hand he uses to pull at your hair. the same hand he uses to punch your gut. the same hand he uses to shove your mom down when she tries interfering.

xiaojun may hate men of god but above all, he absolutely detests the kind your old man is—a faker, who thinks he can get away with the shit mess he’s making. xiaojun would never take that preacher’s murky soul even if he offered it to the entity voluntarily. fake. fake. fake. fake. fake. xiaojun should’ve killed him. xiaojun should’ve slit his throat. xiaojun should’ve torn his eyes out—

ah, ah, ah.

he can’t afford to make you any less vulnerable than you already are, now, can he? after all, he can be anything you want but he’s no angel.

so he watched from the sidelines.

watched you cry. watched you bleed. watched your scars form. watched the hate and resentment you have for your own family fester in your heart until it grew to a size you can’t hide within yourself anymore.

and then you left home.

xiaojun has to admit, for a second, maybe leaving home will make your soul unworthy, will break the mold he’s already had of you and will completely spoil his well-thought out plans.

so really, he can only scoff when he watches you walk around the apartment wearing that pretty dress on a sunday morning, darting around with calculated steps to shove everything inside your bag to go to church. the dress hangs nicely against your skin but he’d rather you stay and wear nothing.

maybe you’d finally find contentment and happiness in this place, in this city, on your own. soaring high without a cage, without someone to hold you back—these things fill his thoughts like a plague until you come barging back into the door 30 minutes later.

he’s been watching you long enough to know church service wouldn’t end for another 30 minutes or so. xiaojun’s eyebrows quirk up. why would his fragile little gazelle come back oh so early? but his question is immediately answered when he detects your shaky breaths and the unshed tears in your glistening eyes

you’re suffering the post-traumatic effects your shit stepdad has caused. seeing another preacher must’ve been a trigger, he thinks, eyeing you with a look on his face. xiaojun felt a little stupid. of course, swimming to the surface will be tough with all that trauma anchoring you down.

it’ll be tough, indeed… so why not sink you even deeper?

it didn’t take much energy for him to start manipulating your dreams. every nap, every deep sleep, he’d replay all the horrible things your stepdad has done to you and he realizes how dreams depicted from his perspective took a larger toll on you versus the ones from your own point of view—witnessing for yourself how weak and helpless you had been seemed to chip away bigger parts of you, he notices. your terrified screams when waking up in cold sweat getting louder and louder with every passing nightmare.

he pushed, and pushed, and pushed until you were standing right at the edge of sanity. until you start questioning your own self-worth and judgment, the invisible chains of the trauma too strong to break. until your radiant skin looked deathly, with gaunt cheeks and white lips. until you developed a fear of sleeping because no, you don’t want to witness those horrors again. no. no. no. no, please don’t hit me—

xiaojun can’t help but admire his handiwork but no, he doesn’t have time for that!

the next time you fell asleep you had been desperately holding onto your 5th bottle of gatorade like it was a torch breaking through the darkness. you’ve intake so much of the energy drink that your body has grown used to it. you would’ve switched to caffeine, but from how much you drank it prior to the energy drinks, your blood is practically coffee at this point.

“you’re living in my house now, young lady! i’d like to see some respect from your or i’ll fucking beat it into you!”

“stop! please. hit me instead, hit me!”

“this is all your fault, bitch! how can you raise one daughter wrong? no wonder your husband left you!”

murky and black, you can’t even see the bottom at this point. it keeps pulling you down, and down, and down, until you couldn’t breathe. until your head feels light. until your heart beats erratically within your ribcage as you fought to the surface.

with all the negative emotions surging through you in thunderous waves, it’s a wonder how no other lonesome, starving entity has latched onto you like xiaojun. although realistically, he was here first, as if he’ll let any other being like him go near you.

it took a greater amount of energy to twist and manipulate the plotline of certain events in a dream. if xiaojun hadn’t grown strong from all your negativity, he’d never be able to do it.

he can never forget the day he first appeared to you in a dream. to have you cling onto him as you willingly took his hand—not that he was caught by surprise, anyway. every second of every hour of every day xiaojun spent plotting your demise has led to this fruitful day of “meeting” you for the first time.

“i’m right here,” he said, shaking fingers tracing over your cheeks. a soft caress you have never experienced.

the man in your dreams is someone you’ve never met before—you’re positive that you haven’t because you’d never forget a face as handsome as his. he appears like an angel casted over divine light, with a soft smile that can cure the plague as he offers his hands for you to take. it was beautiful, how your nightmares turned into dreams the moment the mysterious man arrived.

how’d you ever know, that the hand you grabbed is the wolf in sheep’s clothing?

it’s sad really, how you’ve only managed to escape one horror only to jump into the next but xiaojun can’t find it in himself to feel bad. well, maybe a little, it’s a fleeting thought. something that disappeared as quickly as it had passed by.

it was only after a few weeks of constantly appearing in your dreams did his plan start to backfire. the change in your behavior isn’t subtle, either, and it angered him all the more. he didn’t see this coming, not even from lightyears away.

simple to say you’ve grown a little more… how can xiaojun put this into words? well, a little more outgoing. adventurous. meeting new people and going to new places and experiencing new things. he can see everything as clear as day—you were healing from your past, leaving the dark chapters in your life to write newer and brighter ones that revolved on having actual healthy relationships for once.

his seething anger of his failed plans had made all the windows in your apartment burst into thousand little pieces. if you had fine china dishes displayed on your kitchen cabinets he would’ve broken those too. how can you go against him like this? look at you all happy and smiley even as the room turned ice cold because of xiaojun’s suffocating presence. you never even thought once about it—how naive.

tormenting you through dreams isn’t working anymore. xiaojun has to up his game if he wants to break you down and revert you back to that paranoid, sensitive, and frail self that couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, and couldn’t talk to any other human being without feeling the ghost of your abusive step-father’s hands against your skin.

who says he can only control you through mind games alone? after he’s done what needs to be done, grief and self-pity will go hand in hand. a combination so cruel and heavy on your shoulders that xiaojun can already savor the metallic tangy taste of victory.

“no! yeji—!”

xiaojun watches unblinking when he makes one of your new friends walk out the sidewalk and right into an overspeeding car.

tires skidding across the pavement, the breaks not working, glass shattering, bones cracking against the force of the hit—dead, right on the fucking spot.

he’s never heard you scream that loud and he shudders in pleasure as the vibrations of your shrill voice courses through his veins.

he missed this, your complete and utter misery.

but he wasn’t done yet.

“don’t you think it’s a ‘lil chilly in here?” ryujin asks, looking over to your side before drinking the hot chocolate she prepared for both of you.

grieving together with a friend can be good, hence why you’re now in her apartment a month later after yeji’s funeral.

you answer after taking a sip. “no, not really.”

xiaojun grins, giddy and a skip in his step while making his way towards you as he side-eyes your friend, who religiously drank her hot chocolate all the while bundling up next to you so you both can watch the movie together playing on the laptop.

this one, well, he particularly doesn’t like this one.

if your other friend was meant to be a casualty, a death borne from not one smidge of personal vendetta, this one, this ryujin is different. heck, he even remembers her fucking name.

no, no, no. xiaojun can feel his skin crawl as ryujin cuddles intimately closer as she stares at you from her peripheral, feeling out whether you’d react or not as she sneaks an arm around your waist. his anger turns a fever pitch, seeing you with someone else driving him up the wall. you were meant to be his sad and hopeless little gazelle and his alone.

xiaojun hoped the poison travels fast or so help him he’ll fucking rip her off of you—and he would’ve, when he saw you and ryujin slowly leaning into one another, head angled and obviously going in for a kiss. he would’ve, when one of ryujin’s hands come up to cup your face. he would’ve… until the poison reached its destination in her body, right when your lips were about to touch.

ryujin’s lungs seized, breathing becoming an agent to her demise as the oxygen from her lungs disappear into nothingness. the last thing she saw is your horrified face, tears streaming. she swore you were shouting something, probably her name, but it’s overpowered by the incessant ring in her ears.

when her mouth foamed and she laid limp on the couch right next to you, you knew ryujin would never wake again to give you that kiss.

xiaojun steps back to admire the havoc he wreaked. two of your friends dead, that should be enough to incapacitate you—whether it be permanent or not, he just wants to see you drown in misery.

and as he slowly dissipates into the void, there’s a little smile on his face as he stares you down, burning the image of your histeria in his head, the echoes of your woeful cries music to his ears.

you never dared step foot out of your apartment.

groceries were delivered to your door, trash is slowly but surely building up, and the place was a whole mess. the entity haunting you has never seen you this… shattered, even when you left home. it was like your brain has stopped working and your body turned into nothing more but a cusp of who you used to be.

it’s scary looking in the mirror and not recognizing the reflection—so, you painted all of them black. it was an in the heat of a moment kind of thing that took place the moment you came home from the police station, on the exact day she passed away before your eyes.

xiaojun just has to “misplace” a few pints of paint you had used from when you renovated the apartment in the past, putting the cans where you can easily see them and think that the idea belonged to you when in reality, it’s the entity that put the idea in your head.

there was a blanket over your shoulder when you came back from the station. it wasn’t yours, they gave it to you while you sat opposite to a stoic detective in a cold interrogation room, yet you made no move to shrug it off even after arriving at your apartment, fingers clutching the fabric like a lifeline and refusing to believe whatever that had transpired in ryujin’s apartment.

eyes unseeing, stumbling with your steps, back hunched with the curse of the universe weighing down on your back—xiaojun couldn’t’ve been more proud of what he had done.

you were spiraling out of control. a self-destructive cycle you cannot seem to fight your way out of as your nightmares came back to haunt you. the tall waves of anxiety and paranoia drowning and pushing you under the surface.

for once you don’t fight the current, you just let it pull you under.

every time you close your eyes, you can hear the deafening screech of rubber tires against concrete before the car hits yeji. can vividly see the foams of the poison coming out of ryujin’s mouth as if it was caught on tape and is now playing on loop.

your other friends have donned you as bad luck, cursed to have a fucked up life and will fuck up other people’s lives too if they get even as close as an arm length to you. too scared to lose any more people, you decided to completely push everyone away and had completely shut yourself out from the world beyond the four corners of your apartment.

it’s like your trauma from before has come crawling back to you, only now, he brings himself a little friend called guilt.

what are the odds that your two friends died after the other when the person they’ve each last spent time with was you? even the police found it too much a coincidence. if it wasn’t for the cctv cams in the corners of ryujin’s apartment, you’d be facing trial for a murder you didn’t commit.

you eye the usb stuck in one of your laptop’s ports. it’s black, with an srj poisoning case written in red ink on the small patch of masking tape pasted onto the back of the plastic.

after being stuck in an interrogation room for the last two hours, you had sneakily swiped it out of the detective's desk on your way out of the station. you remembered it was the usb with a copy of ryujin’s cctv cams, some underling busting into the interrogation room while in the middle of your questioning, holding the tiny usb between his fingers.

your stomach churned when the detective looked at you spitefully, as if he couldn’t fucking care less of the evidence presented to him in a silver platter and would thoroughly take pleasure in throwing you in jail himself, guilty or not. the last look he shot you still sends shivers down your spine, the sharpness in his gaze as he regarded you. “you killed them. i know you did.”

a week of self-induced isolation later and you start to believe in it yourself.

in the middle of screaming your lungs out and cursing the gods above for your sorry excuse of a life, you had thrown the usb somewhere in the apartment. not that you bothered to look for it right after, you were too busy wallowing in self pity before passing out on the living room floor. when you wake up, you’ve forgotten all about it.

so it was interesting, seeing the usb again after days and days of wallowing in grief. you had fallen off the couch while in the middle of a slumber and you spotted the small piece of tech lying underneath it with the other empty coke cans.

eyeing the laptop on the coffee table, you remember you haven’t taken a look at the evidence yourself—the detective had given you the stink eye when you tried shuffling closer to peep a look. carelessly, you shove all other objects off the table to pull the laptop closer. you plant yourself on the ground cross-legged, not batting an eyelash even when you feel the crumbs of chips against your skin.

you boot the laptop on, thankful you’ve yet to forget its password, and plugged the usb in again. it was simple to navigate, to say the least, the folder popping up in a matter of seconds. you thought it stored a whole collection of her cctv footages but alas, it didn’t, saving you the time and energy scourging through unwanted boring files.

hands shaking, you clicked on the video.

and it was as if you’re thrown back into that event in your life that has now become a distant memory. the hug ryujin gave you when she opened the door, her words of comfort when you opened up about your deteriorating mental health after your friend passed away, and finally, the warm feel of the mug against the palm of your hand.

wait a minute.

you perk up from your seat, groaning aloud when your knee hits the underside of the coffee table at your haste, fingers darting around to press the back 10 seconds button. the sweat starts forming in your forehead and palms, making your hand feel clammy and disgusting but it was the last of your worries.

did you see that correctly?

the quality is a bit low and the camera angle isn’t optimal. you can only see ryujin’s side profile but her glassy eyes are unmistakable and her actions look robotic at best.

this is after she made your hot cocoa and had delivered it to your shivering, sniffling form on the couch, all bundled up snug and cozy in the blanket she provided. you remember ryujin winking as she walked back towards her kitchen after you thanked her.

the way she poured poison in her own mug ruled her case as suicice. the evidence is right there in your face but the unease still sits heavy on your stomach and confusion clouds your brain like cannabis.

this doesn’t make any sense.

you knew her, ryujin. she’s never one to succumb to her negative emotions, always facing her problems with head held high. her overall mindset, in general, made her the last person you’d think would ever commit suicide. you’ve replayed the video a thousand times by now, still unable to wrap your head around the fact that she killed herself.

having the sudden urge for another bottle of gatorade, you pressed the pause button as you try hauling yourself up with your arms.

you pause. pushing your face closer to the laptop screen, rubbing at your eyes incredulously as you eye the corner of her kitchen.

ryujin’s apartment isn’t that luxurious, nor is it too rundown, but there can be little exceptions here and there.

like the cheap LED bulbs attached rather messily onto her ceiling, one of the six sources of light flickering on and off. you remember how many times you’ve told her to get it fixed yet she never really paid you any heed.

with shaking fingers, you replayed it one more time, hoping on everything you believe in that it wasn’t what it looks like. this can’t be it—how is that possible—

it’s him, the man who has appeared like an angel in your dream to sweep you away from evil. but standing in the corner, under the flickering lights of your friend’s kitchen, he looked anything but an angelic.

your mind is going haywire, your body shook in confusion, and sweat started dribbling down your neck. you would’ve thought you made a mistake because how is this even possible? the angelic man in your dreams isn’t real—he can’t be real, he can’t appear like this when you aren’t even sleeping because he’s not real!

he can’t… right?

he doesn’t look too harmless, what with his hands crossed and leisurely leaning against the wall. but one look at his eyes and you know you’re wrong. even through the shit quality of the cctv footage you can still feel the fury and the absolute hate his eyes held as he stared her down menacingly, unblinking.

stared her down as she made her own cocoa, as she hunches down to open the sink cabinets to get that pesky rat poison, as she poured it on her mug, as she swirls the spoon around to mix the deadly concoction all together in a hauntingly robotic way that looked too much like ryujin was being told what to do.

and as you let the video play the rest of its content and felt like the tragedy was unfolding right before your very eyes again—you couldn’t breathe, panic gripping onto you like a vice, the sharp talons of fear sinking deep under your skin.

you don’t register the coffee table toppling over in your haste to stand up. desperately putting a distance between you and the laptop as you turned and stumbled towards the hallway leading to your bedroom.

you stop, pathetically landing on your knees before the open archway. if you hadn’t been shaking in fear before, then you surely were now.

he’s here—can you even call it a he?

the man stands at the end of the hallway. in that similar, non-threatening stature with his arms crossed and body leaning against the wall.

but the mischief in his eyes is enough of a warning.

he’s come for you.

he’s come to finish the job.

“finally figured it out?”

you screamed, throwing the closest thing you can at him as you shuffle someplace else in your apartment. his laugh sounded pleasant in the ear when you were off in dreamland, but now? it sounded like nails grating against a chalkboard.

your legs eventually led you to the front door. appearances be damned. you weren’t even wearing a bra and you haven’t showered for days but fuck no you’re not going to stay here with that—that—that monster!

“baby, don’t leave! the fun hasn’t even started yet!”

you grab the doorknob and twist, practically throwing yourself out into the hallway, eyes frantic as you stumble and land face first against—

sticky. the floor’s sticky and there was a smell you can’t seem to pinpoint. it’s tangy, metallic, and you can almost taste the scent yourself in your tongue and when you look down—you want to throw up.

lying next to each other in pools of their own blood, lies yeji and ryujin side by side, faces towards each other. their eyes hauntingly empty and unseeing as they stared up at you.

you shrieked, voice scratching against your dry throat as you threw yourself back into your apartment, the door slamming shut in itself. you didn’t care if there’s now a huge mess of blood staining the carpets on the foyer. you curl in on yourself, hair sticking to your face as you covered your ears and shut your eyes.

“oh, my love…”

you felt his presence before you can hear him.

a flashback plays in your head—hot chocolate, soft blankets, and a friend who you loved with all your heart. “don’t you think it’s a little chilly in here?"

you answered. “no, not really?”

the tears start streaming like waterfalls, mixing with the blood and sweat already caked in your face. ryujin knew, she felt it back at her apartment yet you disregarded her completely.

“it’s not your fault,” the entity’s hands are ice cold when he gently pulls at your wrist. “everything is as it should be. now, open your eyes. there’s nothing to be afraid of. i’m not going to hurt you.”

stubbornly, you shook your head as you squeezed your lids even tighter, refusing to look at the monster dead in the eye.

“don’t be like that, my love. if i wanted to hurt you, i would’ve done it a long time ago.”

you don’t listen, hunching and curling your knees even more against your torso as you try to block out his voice. it’s unfair how gentle it sounded but your blood ran cold when you realize this is how he got ryujin to poison herself, this is how he got yeji to walk in front of a speeding car—

“hail mary, full—full of grace,” you pray under your breath, shaking like a leaf. “the lord… the lord is with thee. blessed art thou among women…”

“you’re praying?” there’s an underlying mocking to e in his voice. “this is fucking hilarious!”

your incessant mumbling partnered with how you rocked your body back and forth, made something snap within xiaojun. he already stated he won’t hurt you! did he break you so much that now you’re unable to hear stuff properly, too?

“holy mary, mo—mother of god, pray for us sinners, now and—and at the hour of our death, amen. hail mary, full of grace…”

“stop.” his body twitches, having the sudden urge to pull all his hair out and burn this fucking building to the ground.

yet you continue. “the lord is with thee, blessed art thou among—among women and blessed is the… the fruit of thy womb, jesus…”

“i said stop, [name]. don’t fucking test me.”

“holy mary, mother of god—pray—pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our—”

you screeched in pain as your forehead comes in contact with a mirror, the sound of it shattering is deafening to the ears. his icy fingers let go of your nape, letting you fall hard to the ground. your ears perk up at the sound of streaming water.

you weren’t in the foyer anymore, you feel cold tiles instead of the rough texture of the dirty carpet underneath you. eyes fluttering, you slowly pry them open, and the first thing you see is the faulty pipes found underneath your bathroom’s sink. patches of your clothes start getting wet.

“you think a prayer of all things can stop me? i’m insulted!” you hiss when he grabs your face, hands so cold that it feels like you’re skin is burning off. “i was going to play nice.”

he pulls you towards him, hand encased around your throat. he shoves the open hair dryer into the half-filled bath tub as you feel him vibrate against you. “you don’t know how long i waited, how much energy i needed to appear to you like this.”

it’s with dread you realize that he’s actually giggling.

you whine, eyes feeling like it’ll pop out of their sockets when he squeezed your neck tighter. with a sudden rush of adrenaline, you anchor your wrists against his arm but it proves to be useless when he’s too strong.

“please,” you wheezed. “i did… i did nothing wrong. let go—please.”

in the corner of your eyes, you stare at him from the mirror, stomach twisting in discomfort when you see him throwing his head back, eyes rolling up after taking a long whiff of your hair. “this—this fear you have, my love, only makes me stronger.”

“nothing… i did nothing wrong—please! please… let, let me go…” you’re starting to feel lightheaded, black spots floating around your vision.

“nothing? are you sure about that?”

you cringe when he licks up the tears in your face, toes curling at the sheer disgust you feel. but the words he spews next is far worse than the hand he’s wrapped around your throat.

“didn’t you left your mom alone with that abusive asshole? didn’t you make yeji walk into that incoming car? didn’t you make ryujin drink that poison?”

he whispers them so softly, so gently that you almost mistook them as proclamations of love.

“no…” your voice breaks.

“yes. yes, you did,” he knew you like the back of his hand, knew what to say and how to say them for you to break in his arms. “you killed them, my love. you’re a murderer. you don’t even deserve to be alive after all of the things you’ve done.”

it’s almost pathetic how you shake your head, eyes closed, refusing to acknowledge the truth.

“that’s… that’s not true…”

“you’re a curse to the people you love, the embodiment of they're suffering. don’t you see it?”

“stop lying!—”

“am i?” he retorts, maneuvering you around to face the mirror. you swore you covered the whole thing with black paint. “just look at yourself.”

oh, how badly he wants to shove your face against the mirror but he mustn't get ahead of himself.

“did any of your friends even visit you to see how you’re doing?” no, they never did. he smiles like he knows what you’re thinking. “the answer is all before you now, my love. you need to see through the haze and accept it for what it really is. no one loves you. even the god you’re praying to didn’t answer. there’s nothing, no one, left.”

and for the first time since he has you in his tight hold, you stopped fighting. sobs wracking through your body as your shoulders slump and accept defeat.

xiaojun automatically lets you go, cooing like a lover in your ear as he tucks you into his embrace. “you want this all to stop, don’t you? someone to save you?”

you nodded, unable to look at him as his hand came up to wipe away your tears. no one has ever done that for you in months ever since yeji and ryujin died.

“i’m here,” xiaojun says, running fingers through your hair comfortingly. “i’m your light, your only saviour. you want that, right, my love?” choice is a mere illusion but he likes keeping up with formalities.

you fail to notice the steps he took towards the now overflowing bathtub, too lost in the new highs and lows of emotions you feel.

“yes.”

it only took seconds to push you into the tub. its water buzzing with a live electric current brought by the hair dryer he dropped only minutes ago.

the effect is instantaneous. he watches your muscle spasm, your skin growing darker as the live water fries your body alive. quickly, xiaojun reaches down to lift your head out the water, not wanting to ruin your pretty face.

the last thing you feel is xiaojun’s cold lips pressing against your own, the gentle caress as he wiped your tears away… and the electricity finally passing through your heart.

when the entity pulls away from your dead body, he only whispers three things—“mine, at last.”

#nct imagines #nct scenarios #wayv imagines #wayv scenarios #xiaojun imagines #xiaojun scenarios #tw violence #tw religious themes #tw ptsd #tw swearing #tw mentions of suicide #tw murder #tw death #tw abuse #yandere xiaojun #yandere wayv

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gisellelx · 3 years

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I think I speak for everyone when I say - can you please write about Esme & Rosalie

By “write about” do you mean fic, or meta? I usually tend toward actual fic when I have something I need to know about. I feel something like, “Oh I need to see what happened here,” and from that comes a fic. That was how this whole thing started: I read Edward's comment in BD about talking to Carlisle about having sex with Bella and went, "Oh that had to have been an awkward conversation, wonder what that was like...." and so "The Talk" was born, and well, that was 12 years ago.

I haven’t written fic about Esme and Rosalie or even written in their POVs much because even though I am fascinated by them, their stories are hard. They are dark. Inhabiting their headspaces is not easy to do. No one is more surprised than I am that so far in Cien Años 75% of the POV is Esme. I guess she has had stuff to say to me all along! Nevertheless, I think this will be forthcoming at some point, and in fact, I'm pretty sure I'm going to capture Esme’s reaction to Carlisle turning Rosalie, because I truly believe she was horrified. Rosalie permanently altered Esme's relationship with Carlisle in ways that they're still suffering blowback from. So here's some meta in the meantime.

That moment would’ve ripped open wounds that she and Carlisle hadn’t talked about as much as they needed to. Of course, some of these things came to the fore when Edward killed Charles and Carlisle was somewhat meh about it, and they spent a long time working through that. But there’s a big difference between your husband being kind of okay with your husband getting murdered (even if your son murdered him) and him bringing home another woman because she’d been brutally gangraped. That would’ve caused all sorts of things to surface for Esme, and would’ve been bewildering for Carlisle, who would’ve thought that they had figured the whole thing out. I don’t believe for a minute the “Of course you couldn’t [leave Rosalie in the street]” from Esme in Eclipse was the end of it. Or perhaps I do believe that it was, but that her own acquiescence means she ends up unhealthily shoving things down. And I think there’re some serious feelings about the negative consequences of Carlisle’s choices not only for Rosalie, but for Esme which sit there, festering, for the bulk of their marriage.

Esme would feel incredibly maternally protective toward Rosalie. She is undoubtedly hurt that Rosalie doesn’t accept her as a mother. And yet, she knows what it is to live eternally with the memory of rape. So there is a part of her that is protecting Rosalie from Carlisle, and from Edward, and from the ways that they remain naïve about the complexity of rape at the hands of your marital partner. Carlisle’s and Edward’s solution to this, remember, is��“Well, just kill them and it's all fine.” (e.g. Carlisle's "I looked the other way" in the dinner table summit in MS.) But it can never be that straightforward for Esme and Rosalie, who had, at least on some level, convinced themselves that Charles and Royce would be acceptable, even good, partners. There’s little about Rosalie’s character otherwise which suggests she’s a soulless killer--beginning with the fact that she killed only her rapists and didn’t spill any of their blood, and then continuing on to Bella, which is not at all about killing and but is about protecting her family. So I don’t think she did that and then went, “Welp, great, that’s over!” in the same way I doubt that Esme went, “Edward has taken care of Charles, what a relief!” The pain of those deaths and the conflict of feeling both happy and sad about them just sits there for both of them. And they both pretend for the sake of Carlisle and Edward that they’re perfectly happy, and that’s a hard, hard dynamic. (I think Rosalie is much more honest with Emmett about this and and that in turn complicates the dynamic between Emmett and Carlisle and Emmett and Edward.)

And Esme has to choke it down a lot harder than Rosalie does. Edward and Rosalie, in their petulance, both get to scream at Carlisle on occasion about their anger for his taking their deaths away from them. Esme does not. Rosalie’s presence in their family makes it much harder for Esme to convince herself that what Carlisle did was unilaterally a good thing, but she can't freely yell that at Carlisle. So Rosalie permanently complicates their marriage.

I should point out here that this is a difference between what I think SM intended and what’s realistic based on what SM put on the page and you know, how people actually work. I absolutely believe SM intended for both of them to just have their amazing husbands and their beautiful bodies and to love their existence, as evidenced by the fact that she allows Rose, before and after her explanation in Eclipse to just be a cardboard cutout who only exists to antagonize Edward and hold Renesmee. I don’t think she thought at all about what it would be like for Esme, a domestic violence victim, to have her husband, whom she'd just spent a decade learning to trust, bring a rape victim home and with the idea that she would become Edward’s mate, wtf. SM clearly intended Esme to be the perfect, Mormon stepford wife, and for Rosalie to be the cautionary tale for Bella that not having a child makes a woman go crazy. However, that’s an artifact of the fact that every character in the story who is not Edward and Bella was created to serve Edward and Bella’s story, and it doesn't actually match other things she wrote about these women (Rosalie being willing to kill Royce and his friends; Esme running from Charles at whatever cost). When you truly round out a character, and spend some time thinking about how the backstory you’ve envisioned for them actually affects the way they might behave in a given situation, you end up with characters who don’t always cooperate fully with the plot you've otherwise envisioned. That’s a lot more interesting to me as a writer, and one reason I remain fascinated by this series.

Esme and Rosalie are bonded by their desire to be mothers and by the horrors they were subjected to at the hands of their men. In canon, they get opposite catharses for these problems. Rosalie is able to openly resent Carlisle for trapping her in her worst moment; Esme struggles with acknowledging that she also feels pain there. Esme meanwhile, gets to be a mother, especially to Edward, while Rosalie never gets to have that desire fulfilled. I imagine that their relationship is rich, fraught, and very, very complex as a result.

#esme cullen #rosalie hale #carlisle cullen #edward cullen #tw: rape #tw: domestic violence #meta #asks

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of-a-chaotic-mind · 3 years

Text

Memories Part 2

Summary: After returning home from the hospital, Reader’s stitched up wound gets infected. Dean takes her to the hospital to get it all sorted out and then treats her to all her favorite foods and her favorite movie.

TW/CW: Dean Winchester x Female!Reader, post-surgery infection, worried Dean, fever, chills, pain, stab wound, nothing is really graphic aside from maybe Reader’s description of the pain.

Requested?: Yes, a lovely Anon said, “Hello, I completely adored your dean writings and I was wondering if I could request an angst + fluff one shot of dean x reader where she had a surgery and it went smoothly but when she gets back home at the bunker an infection developed, igniting a raging fever along with the pain. And dean gets all worried and protective and takes good care of her. And he's being so gentle 🥺🥺 also can u please include his pov if you can. Ps :Maybe they're already dating??”

Word Count: 1,024

A/N: So, I wrote Memories Part 1 on one Anon request and then got this one and thought they’d go well together. I hope you both don’t mind! This didn’t really get as scary as I had planned for it to tbh, sorry about that. Also, I’d like to note that I honestly have no idea if this is realistic in terms of the medical aspects. I did my best with some quick research. Anyway, I hope you like it! Requests are open and as always love to all! P.S. I’m sorry if this shit, I kept getting distracted while writing it and my brain didn’t want to cooperate.

[ffs how is he so pretty???]

Your POV

I curl closer into Dean’s side and try my best to go back to sleep. I’m absolutely freezing and it feels like my stomach is getting ripped open again. I came home from the hospital several days ago after having surgery in which they sewed up a stab wound on my stomach. They said it should stop hurting by now but it feels like it’s hurting more than when I first woke up after surgery.

I wrap the blanket tighter around me and my fidgeting wakes Dean up, “Hey baby, what’s wrong? Do you need something?”

I huff, “I’m cold and my stomach is hurting.”

“Sit up and let me look at it,” he responds as he turns on the lamp on the side table. I do as told and scoot to the edge of the bed. When he crouches down in front of me, I lift my shirt so he can remove the bandages and have a look. He tilts his head and looks up at me, “Babe, how are you cold? You’re burning up.”

He gently removes the bandages and almost immediately seems to realize what’s wrong, “Shit, I think it’s getting infected.” He gets up and grabs supplies from the bathroom before returning to me. Gently he cleans the incision and wraps a fresh bandage over it, “I’m going to go get you some clothes and call the doctor to see what we need to do.”

I look over at the clock that reads 07:00 and swear under my breath. Guilt gnaws at my insides; Dean hasn’t had a decent night of sleep since we got home and now, I’ve just worried him even more just when he was getting some good sleep. He returns from our closet and helps me into a loose black t-shirt and some jeans with his phone sandwiched between his ear and shoulder, “Alright, we’ll be right there. Thank you, Doc.”

“I’m sorry,” I mumble as I button my jeans and he hangs up the phone.

“Hey, woah. Sorry for what?” he asks in concern.

“You haven’t hardly slept since we got back and now, I’m causing more trouble,” I mumble, looking at the floor.

He lifts my chin so that I look at him, “Don’t do that. This isn’t your fault.”

There’s a hint of something in his tone that I can’t place but I feel the need to assure him, “It’s not yours either.”

He sighs, “Things like this happen. It’ll be okay,” but I can tell he doens’t quite believe what I said.

A quick ride to the hospital, a short time in the waiting room, and some blood tests later and we’re sitting in another hospital room waiting for the doctor to come in. The door opens and the doctor steps in with her clipboard, “Alright (Y/N), let’s see what’s up.”

I lift my shirt and she gently peels away the bandage. I force myself not to look at it otherwise I might panic. She presses the bandage back in place and stands up straight, “It looks like just a minor infection. The worst part of it will just be the fever and pain. I recommend you take some Tylenol or Advil to help with the fever and I’ll prescribe you a round of antibiotics. Other than that, just keep making sure to keep it clean and change the bandages regularly.” Dean and I both nod as she hands me a paper and leaves the room. On the way home we get the antibiotics filled and Dean runs in at a grocery store to pick up some soup and other comfort foods, including pie.

I crawl into bed almost as soon as we get home and wrap a blanket tightly around me. Dean drops the groceries off in the kitchen before returning to my side with a glass of water, Tylenol, and my antibiotics. I take the medicine and down the glass of water before handing it back to him. He brushes my hair out of my face, “Lay down and get comfy. I’ll go make us some food and when I get back, I’ll put on a movie, alright?” I nod and shiver which prompts him to grab another blanket off the desk chair and place it over the other one. I watch him leave before laying down to curl up in a ball, thankfully the pain meds they gave me at hospital have kicked in and my stomach doesn’t hurt as much. Now it feels like a dull cramp.

Dean’s POV

I make my way to the kitchen to heat up some of (Y/N)’s favorite comfort foods and some soup. I have to keep reminding myself that the infection isn’t my fault. It’s not like I could control it. Regardless, it still gnaws at me. I rack my brain trying to figure out what caused the infection but only manage to come up with nothing and annoy myself even more. When I’ve gotten everything together, I carry everything back to our bedroom and set it on the desk. (Y/N) watches me as I grab a few movies from the shelf under the tv and hold them out to her, “Pick one.” A single hand darts out from under the mound of blankets she had manage to collect while I was gone and points at (Your Favorite Movie). I turn back around to the tv and pop the dvd into the player.

When I turn back around, she’s already snacking on the bag of cookies I brought in. I tug them away from her gently and hand her a bowl of warm soup instead, “Real food first, sweetheart.” She pouts a little but begins enjoying the soup all the same. Once we’ve eaten our soup, I grab all the other snacks and sweets from the desk and pile them around (Y/N). She grins as she notices all of her favorites and begins munching away. I press play on the movie and pull her into my side and kiss her forehead, “I love you, baby.”

“I love you too, Dean,” she mumbles through a mouth full of cookies, “Thank you.”

Masterlist

Everything Taglist:

Dean Winchester Taglist: @akshi8278

#dean winchester #dean winchester imagine #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester imagines #supernatural #supernatural imagine #supernatural imagines #spn #spn imagine #spn imagines

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senterya · 3 years

Text

It's been an absolute joy reading people's takes on the OC interview that has been floating around recently.

The idea of a Pale Rose interview (read: Fyarh and Nym dragging ex-courtier Reln into this) sounded so oddly entertaining that I wrote it for myself for fun but it turned out... surprisingly okay? So I'm gonna leave it here.

OC Interview: Pale Rose edition

(Draw (or use an old drawing, don’t worry!) or take a screen of your character in an interview setting and make them answer the following questions!)

1. Can you introduce yourself?

Fyarh: Sure. I’m Fyarh, founder and – formally – leader of Pale Rose. I’m also the head of the Dreamers’ division in our guild. (turns to the other two) And they are Nymeleia and Reln, head of the Soundless and Courtiers, respectively.

Nymeleia: (with a wide smile) Glad to be here!

Reln: (remains silent – just nods a little)

2. What is your gender identity, orientation, and relationship status?

Fyarh: (after a few seconds of thinking) I’m male, maybe prefer others who identify as that too? Didn’t think too much about it before.

Nymeleia: I’m looking both ways. I’m female and taken, you could say.

Reln: Why is this even– (exhales) ...I’m male, I don’t care what my partner identifies as. And my relationships are not for the public to chew on.

3. Where and when were you born?

Nymeleia: Back in the Grove, all of us. I awoke at Dawn and the boys are both Night blooms.

4. What is your weapon of choice and fighting style?

Fyarh: I’m best at stealth and surprise – daggers work just fine with that. If it’s an open confrontation, I prefer a light sword that doesn’t hinder my agility. But I’m trained and still training in hand-to-hand combat too.

Nymeleia: I was trained at the Vigil to be the shield, not the spearhead of the attack. I stay behind and make sure nothing hits that shouldn’t. I utilize shades and magic so technically I don’t need a weapon – a staff or scepter can help, though. I also carry a dagger on me, just in case.

Reln: I’m best with a bow. Two-handed sword if it comes to that. But whatever does the job, really.

5. Lastly, are you happy?

Fyarh: (smiles and glances at the others) I am. I’m on the path my Wyld Hunt laid out to me and I got great allies and friends that are with me every step I take. I’m truly grateful for that.

Nymeleia: (with a soft smile) I feel like I found my calling here. I’m working on a cause and with people that are amazing. I’m pretty happy with that, yes.

(both look over to Reln)

Reln: (after a few seconds of silence, with a cynical smile) Are we just supposed to say yes or no to that? Like happiness is that easy to define. (he glances to the side for a second.) But it’s been better here. Take that as a yes.

FAMILY AND FRIENDS

1. What’s your family like? What is your relationship with them?

Fyarh: The guild is the closest I have to a family in a sense you ask. I think? I’m on good terms with everyone – luckily, I mean... (he laughs a little nervously) ...it’s as it should be.

Nymeleia: I’m with Fyarh on this one. The sylvari in Rose are the closest people to me.

Reln: It really is pointless to ask sylvari about “family” – we’re all technically related, but are strangers at the same time.

Nymeleia: (with a smile she barely tries to hide) You are dodging the question.

Reln: I’m not dodging anything, I’m being reasonable. I have close friends, and allies – call that a family, if you want to.

2. Have you ever run away from home?

Nymeleia: We’re all sort of runaways, aren’t we? (she laughs) I’m Soundless, I left the Grove quite early, then joined the Vigil. Does that count?

Fyarh: It counts. But just so that you don’t feel left out. (Nymeleia gasps and mimics trying to kick him in the shin, they both laugh. Takes them a few more seconds to get back on track.)

Fyarh: I used to sneak away a lot when I was supposed to be in lectures. I loved discovering Caledon, I knew every corner of it so well when I was a sapling. Maybe I’d still remember if I walked around.

Reln (after everyone looks at him): ...I’m from the Court. I think that’s self-explanatory.

Fyarh: But didn’t you also wander away a lot?

Reln: You could say. I preferred being alone. Hunting was a good excuse.

3. Would you consider marriage or having children?

Fyarh: In the far future, maybe? I’m still very young though, and my hands are full with my guild and my Hunt. It’s definitely not something I think about a lot.

Nymeleia: Marriage sounds cute – I like the idea of honoring commitment with a little ceremony.

Reln: Neither of those seems to be for me.

Nymeleia: (quietly) Ah, my heart.

(Reln glances at her, but doesn’t respond.)

4. Do you secretly hate one of your friends?

Fyarh and Nymeleia: No...?

Reln: (slightly annoyed) Is it even a friend if you hate them? Next question.

5. Which friend knows everything about you?

Fyarh: Maybe Daleien? We've known each other for the longest, and he was with me through thick and thin. Nowadays I share a lot with Nym and Reln too. I used to be very secretive about myself but I’m working on it.

Nymeleia: We chat and gossip a lot with Dia – she’s another Soundless from the guild. She’s lovely and so supportive, I’m really glad I have her.

Reln: I’m not the one to share everything about myself. But my second-in-command knows the most.

Nymeleia: Oh don’t listen to him. He and Lavan technically read each other’s minds – no words, just half a gesture, and they know all they need to know.

ASKED BY FANS

1. Are you literate? Have you been to school?

Fyarh: I’m literate, and I’ve been mentored as much – well, maybe a little less – than any other sylvari.

Nymeleia: I actually struggled with reading and writing for a while – I could, just not well, as I never really had to. Paperwork has been a nightmare for the first months in Rose, but by now I got the hang of it. I’ve been reading a lot of novels recently, too.

Reln: I’m literate, and was mentored like all other saplings. The latter didn’t reach its purpose, though.

2. The eeriest prediction you made that later came true?

(They all look at each other, but neither of them seems to have an answer or anything they’d be willing to share.)

3. What is something you were embarrassingly late to realize?

Fyarh: Oh. I somehow never really talked about my Wyld Hunt in.... sufficient detail to my mentors? Not before the Wardens arrested me for hiding thorn pups in a forsaken outpost. It was a real journey talking my way out from there. One of the most embarrassingly funny things that happened to me, in retrospect.

Nymeleia: I was always too caught upon not handling the concept of pain, and death, very well. I don’t regret working on it and toughening up, I just wish I had realized sooner that I should hone my strengths instead of desperately trying to “correct” what I perceive as a weakness.

Reln: ...I guess I haven’t realized soon enough what real understanding means. (he seems mildly uncomfortable by the question, and does not elaborate)

4. Do you have mental health or physical issues?

Fyarh: Fighting takes a toll on everyone, I’d say. But nothing other than that.

Nymeleia: (nodding along – her eyes wander off to the distance)

Reln: A few scars here and there. Had a lot to deal with after coming back from the heart of the jungle, but I have worked through most of those by now.

5. What is your current main goal?

Fyarh: I’m dedicating all my time to the guild. It’s been coming along so much better than what I prepared myself for, and I’m not about to waste the opportunity.

Nymeleia: I’m not satisfied with my level of skills on the field yet – I’m spending as much time on training as I can, next to Rose. There are some other necromancers in the guild with who we share our knowledge, and I have gotten some general good advice and lectures from Firstborn Trahearne himself. It’s crazy how far Fyarh’s connections go.

Reln: I’m busy training and supervising my own division. Most of us are reliable and trusting, but there are and will always be a few loose cannons I need to keep an eye out for.

CHOICES

1. Drink or food?

Fyarh: A drink, maybe? I tend to forget to eat. It’s getting on Nym’s nerves at times.

Nymeleia: Ah don’t even mention it. I’m picking food – nothing tops a good, warm meal after a long day.

Reln: Food, if I have to pick.

2. Cats or dogs?

Fyarh: I love cats. I wouldn't mind adopting one, but I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to take good care of them.

Nymeleia: Can we pick both, maybe?

Reln: (glancing at the thorn wolf lying next to him) I’m more of a dog person. But cats are good too.

3. Early bird or night owl?

Fyarh: I’m a night owl. Waking up with the rest of the guild at early hours is a nightmare for me. I tend to oversleep so much, it’s almost comical.

Nymeleia: That’s not a problem for me though. I’m up before everyone else. And so is Reln.

Reln: (nodding)

4. Optimist or pessimist?

Fyarh: Optimist.

Nymeleia: Same, some will even say naive for sure.

Reln: Middle ground. I’m more of a realist than any of the two.

5. Sassy or sarcastic?

Fyarh: Maybe... sassy? With close friends. I don’t feel like either most of the time, honestly.

Nymeleia: Would you say I’m more sassy or sarcastic?

Reln: (to her) Is that really a question?

Nymeleia: Oh entertain me.

Reln: (gestures towards her; she laughs)

HAVE YOU EVER

1. Been caught sneaking out?

Fyarh: Once, when I was sneaking out of a Court camp with two stolen thorn pups. Barely got away. Didn’t dare to show myself around there for a while.

Nymeleia: Several times. Did a lot of bathroom cleaning in the Vigil for it too.

Reln: If I was, I doubt I would be here today.

2. Broken a bone?

Fyarh: Miraculously, no. I don’t even know myself how’s that possible.

Nymeleia: My left arm. Open wound, too – wasn’t a good experience.

Reln: Nothing that a field medic couldn’t fix.

3. Received flowers?

Fyarh: If you mean it like, in a romantic way? No, not yet.

Nymeleia: I received a few, but in my experience Vigil soldiers are more of the blunt than the romantic type.

Reln: No.

Nymeleia: How dare you. I gave you potted herbs a while ago!

Fyarh: (leaning forward) Potted herbs?

Nymeleia: It’s because he takes his food back to his room all the time. And then he complains about the seasoning. Go figure!

4. Ghosted someone?

Fyarh: I did... use to run away from confrontations a lot. But people say I’ve gotten better with that too.

Nymeleia: I prefer to just tell people if I’m not interested in talking to them. As kindly as possible, of course. But I think it’s ruder to leave them hanging.

Reln: I did leave from places – the Grove, the Court – suddenly, but then again, I didn’t have many connections to either in the first place.

5. Pretended to laugh at a joke you didn’t get?

Fyarh: That happens. Easier than trying to go back to it and figure it out, takes away the flow of the conversation.

Nymeleia: Everyone does that from time to time, no?

Reln: I don’t. If someone’s not funny enough, that’s not my problem.

#oc interview #pale rose recon #fyarh #nymeleia #reln #gw2

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awhitehead17 · 3 years

Note

ohoho my goodness okay so for the prompt thing I think it’s be cool if you wrote something about the batfam being absolute trash at board games because detective skills get you no where in candy land. Maybe they’re just playing among themselves and those who haven’t been in the vigilante business as long as the others are better at it or maybe they’re playing with the jla, that’s up to you! No pressure tho, I’d just like to see where you’d go with this. I hope you’re well!

Thanks for the prompt, it was certainly an interesting one to try and come up with scenarios for and I apologise that it’s taken so long to answer this!!

So this basically ended up being the batfam playing different board games and roasting each other, hope that’s okay because it may not be what you had in mind.

Hopefully you’ll enjoy it nonetheless! :D

“Well this is just unrealistic.” Tim comments scowling at the board on the floor in front of him.

Next to him Steph lets out a long groan and cradles her face in her hands in frustration. “It’s a board game Tim! It’s not supposed to be realistic.”

“You’re just mad because you guessed wrong and are now out of the game.” Harper laughs at him from her position opposite him. “Tim Drake, a sore loser, who knew?”

“I’m not a sore loser!” Tim almost yells back feeling himself get worked up in both anger and embarrassment. “This game is stupid.”

“Because you lost.”

“Because it’s unrealistic.”

“I would have thought this game was right up your street dude, but obviously not.” Duke says from Tim’s right, looking a bit despondent at this revelation. Tim sends him a glare, not appreciating his input in the conversation.

Duke isn’t fazed by it, he ignores the look and gestures at the board in front of them. “Cluedo is a detective game and you’re a detective, how did you get it wrong?”

To stop himself from lashing out at Duke, Tim forces himself to take a deep breath. He is getting ridiculously wound up over this stupid game and the others with their goading isn’t helping matters.

“You know why,” Steph remarks with a smirk, “because that giant ass brain of his over thought it all and since he over analysed it, he got it wrong.”

There’s moment of silence in the room after Steph stops talking. Tim huffs at her statement but finds that he really can’t argue against it because that’s probably exactly what happened.

Steph leans back onto her elbows so she’s sprawled out over the floor, “it’s just a game, there’s no need to get so defensive over it. It’s supposed to be a bit of fun with a little mystery involved.”

That elicits a snort from Harper. She gives the blonde a disbelieving side look. “Have you seen yourself when playing Mario Kart? I’ll be sure to use those exact words next time you’re putting a sailor to shame for the language you come out with when a blue shell hits you.”

Steph rolls her eyes. “I’m not that bad.”

“You totally rival Jason when it comes to mouthing off at Mario Kart Steph. Don’t deny it.” Tim says, contributing to the conversation. He’s pleased that the topic has moved away from him and onto Steph.

Steph opens her mouth to respond but Duke beats her to it. He waves his note pad around wildly. “As fun as it is to roast one another, there’s a game here still to be played.”

Grumbling underneath her breath Steph sits back up and the four of them continue with the game at hand, or at least the three others do. Tim had guessed wrong and now has to sit by to watch, but on the bright side he gets to judge all of their movements now knowing the truth.

-----------

The grimace that crosses his face is entirely instinctual as soon as he sees what box is placed down on the table. With a quick glance around he sees three other’s mirroring his look. Dick opens his mouth to make the comment of why the chosen game may not be wise but instead he shuts his mouth and keeps quiet. He figures they need to learn somehow, being told what to expect is different to actually experiencing it.

It’s currently a rare Sunday afternoon when a majority of the family is over at the Manor at the same time. It’s probably because of the weather that everyone has unintentionally gathered together in the media room, with it heavily raining no one really wants to go adventuring outside.

Dick finds himself surrounded by his younger siblings, some of the extended family they’ve adopted over time and Bruce himself. All of them now sitting around the table after deciding to play a board game together.

That probably should have been the first warning sign. Dick really ought to know better but he had been distracted by the feeling of having all of his family around for once when no one has been injured or the reason why they’re together being a life-threatening crisis.

The decision of what board game to play takes almost twenty minutes to decide. Even then they hadn’t actually decided what to play, it got decided that everyone would place a game of their choice into a hat and it would get chosen at random.

That’s when the worst one of the bunch got chosen. Dick could see the same look he was wearing appearing on his brother’s faces.

Monopoly. That’s the game that’s been decided.

“Is it safe to assume that today is the end of the batfamily?” Steph comments with a laugh.

Almost everyone around the table gives her an odd look and only a couple chuckle along with her. From past experiences when playing this game, Dick knows it’s not the falling out part that’s the issue, the main issue is that Bruce absolutely dominates the game every time. It’s no fun playing with his adoptive father, this is something he’s learnt the hard way. His brothers also had learnt this the hard way, that being the explanation behind the grimaces they all share.

“I would rather play literally anything else.” Tim states boldly looking around, though his eyes often flicker to Bruce.

The two seats to his right are occupied by a confused looking Duke and Cass. “Why? Monopoly’s not so bad, sure it’s long and can get tedious. We’ve played this game before.”

Tim sends him a pointed look but it’s Jason who speaks up from the opposite side of the table. “Yeah sure, but that’s because you haven’t played with Bruce before. You’ll come to despise this game by the end of today.”

“Father gets rather self-assertive when playing this particular game. While I admire his skills and efficiency of winning this so-called game, father tends to take the apparent competition away any time he plays.” Damian claims from his position on Jason’s left.

The youngest Wayne is now scowling at the box on the table with obvious resentment from past experiences.

If Duke looked confused before, now he seems utterly baffled.

“Oh I’m not that bad.” Bruce declares sounded offended. Dick knows him better however, he’s completely faking it. He knows exactly what he’s like with this game.

“Bruce will literally bankrupt everyone within like five rounds of this game.” Tim says glancing around.

Silence falls over them after that and it feels like everyone is deciding whether they should in fact play or not. Of course the earlier members of the family know exactly what’s in store for them if they do play but the newer members don’t.

In the end Steph stands up and grabs the box, clearly stating she doesn’t care and can they just get on with it because staring at one another isn’t getting them anywhere. As the board gets set up Dick shares a knowing, helpless look with his brothers. Well they have to learn at some point.

Three hours later, half of those around the table have their heads in their heads and were wearing disbelieving looks on their faces. It’s as funny as it is depressing.

“This is ridiculous,” Steph mutters glaring at the table, “this is so unfair.”

“Well, I’ll do the honours by saying; we told you so.” Tim gloats with a smirk at the blonde. Steph decidedly glares at Tim instead of the table.

Jason bark of laughter causes Dick to crack at grin at the various of reactions the family is having to Bruce’s domination of the game. The man is stacked with money, having nearly owned every property on the board and has practically bankrupted three quarters of them by now.

“This is why you don’t play Monopoly with Bruce. Hope you all learned your lesson now!” Dick laughs.

There’s a low groan from Duke who soon mumbles out, “Yeah just a bit….”

-----------

“Whoever decided this game can go to hell…” Tim mutters underneath his breath scowling at the paper in front of him.

Next to him Jason snorts. “You only say that because you know who chose this game.”

“My point still stands.”

“Enough.” Dick dejects in an attempt to stop an argument from happening. “Knock it off, we’ve all had our turns to choose and now it’s his turn.”

“But he can’t even play it right!” Tim whines, it’s like he’s a child throwing a tantrum.

“Y’know, no one is making you play.” Duke points out from his spot on the floor, his focus is on the paper in his hands as he continues to draw whatever he needs to.

Tim huffs and kicks his leg out, successfully knocking Duke off balance. Duke doesn’t rise to the bait, he simply grabs Tim’s ankle and shoves it away. “Real mature Tim.”

“Tim likes to complain when things aren’t going his way, he’s immature like that.” Steph comments with a laugh. Next to her Cass is smiling away as she nods her in agreement.

A group of them has gathered into the living room of Dick’s apartment on a slow evening and all have sprawled out across the place. Jason, Dick and Tim are sharing a sofa with Duke perched on a cushion by their feet on the floor. Steph and Cass were sprawled out on the second couch and Damian is adjacent to them all sitting in the love seat.

It’s been a recent between them all, having game nights and taking in turns to choose what is to be played. This time happens to be Damian’s turn and the youngest has chosen to play Pictionary.

It’s a good game, one that is generally enjoyed by the majority of the family, however, what Tim had been referring to, is that when playing with Damian, he tends to lose the point of the game. He takes every drawing too seriously and spends an unreasonable amount of time on each word.

Because it’s Damian, every drawing has to be perfect before he shows them or even hints at what he’s drawing. They’ve tried to explain to him multiple times that the drawings don’t have to be perfect, as long as they are recognisable then that’s all that matters, but the kid refuses to listen.

It can make playing with him very frustrating.

Him, Jason and Tim are used to it, but it seems like Duke and the girls are all taking it in stride. They only get through a couple rounds within like an hour thanks to Damian and it’s getting to the point where Dick is beginning to think that Damian is actually doing it on purpose because he can see how much it’s riling up Tim.

Brotherly love right there.

They’re just finishing off the third round and sharing their terribly drawn pictures with one another. Duke holds his piece of paper up with a sheepish smile, “I tried okay. It wasn’t easy.”

“What is that?” Damian demands as he squints at the mess of blue squiggles on the page.

“It’s supposed to be a sunrise, my word was morning but no one got it.”

“Tt, that’s not a surprise Thomas as that looks nothing like a morning, or a sunrise for that matter.”

“Well, jeeze, thanks Damian. I only had 60 seconds to come up with something and draw it.”

When Damian tuts in obvious displeasure, Dick simply rubs a hand over his face. That kid… he loves him, he does but sometimes he certainly makes it difficult to do so. While Duke is still new to the family, he’s been around long enough to get a feel for what Damian can be like. He simply rolls his eyes and turns the paper away.

“Cass what is that supposed to be?”

Jason’s question to Cass gets his attention, he looks in their direction to find Jason frowning at the piece of paper Cass is showing him. His sister shrugs not looking at all embarrassed with her attempts to draw whatever it’s supposed to be. Dick couldn’t work it out either. As far as he could tell it’s a solid colour of black on the page.

“An eclipse.”

Her answer makes Jason even more confused. “So you decided to colour the whole page black?”

“It creates a shadow…”

“Right.”

In the end Jason shakes his head and leans against the back of the sofa. His expression makes it clear that he’s simply done with everything tonight. Dick snorts at his behaviour before he feels a nudge on his left side.

Tim is looking at him with a raised eyebrow. “Don’t you just love game nights Dick? They’re great right?”

His voice is dripping with sarcasm and Dick restrains himself from commenting on it. He does love game nights with his siblings but they sure as hell make it a challenge sometimes. All of them do. Not one of them is innocent.

But as he looks around at the scene he knows he wouldn’t change it. While not all of them are currently present, game nights are an opportunity to hang out outside of the masks, any public personas they play and any emergencies that may be happening.

Dick leans back against the sofa and mumbles underneath his breath as he watches Duke and Damian bicker about the art of drawing under pressure and about how to play the game correctly. “I actually do, yeah.”

#prompt #batfamily #board games #this is them roasting one another really #dick grayson #Tim Drake #Stephanie Brown #Jason Todd #Damian Wayne #duke thomas #others #fanfiction #i hope you like this #i had to actually google how to play some of these games haha #humour #annoying siblings #brotherly bonding #family bonding

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kyluxtrashpit · 3 years

Text

2020 Fic Recap

I really like writing these and 2020 has been a HELL of a year, so here we go lmao. It’s been a wild ride for sure

Total wordcount: 88 109 words (note: I’m subtracting the ‘sorry I didn’t finish this, here’s a summary of the remaining plot’ that I published for a fic in a previous fandom from this since it’s not relevant here). Overall I wrote less than last year, but given all that happened in terms of the world and personally and fandom-wise and all of it, I don’t feel too bad about it lmao. I also have a lot of WIP words of half-finished things and some planning and such so I feel okay with this

Favours, 4906 words, posted Jan 4

This was a weird one cause this is a two chapter reader insert fic, the same story but told with both Phasma and Hux. I originally wrote this for Phasma, but later decided it would be easy to tweak into a Hux story (which it was lmao) and figured people might like that, so I did both. I had fun doing it, even if this is kind of a very small niche ship and trope wise

Know Your Shadow, 5022 words, posted Feb 16

Ah yes, here we are, the first foray into renben, a ship I had NO idea would grab me so hard but here we are lmao. I’m not done with them either yet, don’t you worry. There’s something about the corruption angle I really like, also Ren is HOT, and it’s also interesting to think about Kylo truly getting to find himself and be who he wants to be. Canon didn’t really satisfy on this, but the concept still interests me and it’s what had me writing this fic. Also, Ben losing his virginity to an older man like Ren is just *chef’s kiss*

Public Indecency, 3719 words, posted Mar 1

And my second renben! This was partially inspired by art and partially by just the idea of not giving one single fuck, and how thrilling that must be for someone like Ben to experience. Ren and the KOR truly do not give a shit and it’s really beautiful in a way. Plus some hinting at found family with the KOR. Ngl, Ben/Kylo finding his place and acceptance with the KOR makes me so Soft and there’s so many words I could write about it. Plus public sex is very hot lmao

Beautiful, 3254 words, posted Mar 8

Back to kylux, and this one was an old WIP I started back when the prompt was first posted on KHK in like 2019 or something. I got stuck on it and then left it for a while. I was digging through my old WIPs, looking for something that might catch my interest and boom, this one did, so I finished it and then posted it. I quite like the fic and it’s a bit more in the ~classic~ style. It’s also always a good feeling to get an old WIP done lmao

Choose Your Destiny, 5077 words, posted Mar 20

More renben and this was my fix it fic for ROKR vol 4. I talked about this more on twitter at the time and why I found the story as it was unsatisfying, but ultimately it’s really just a case of rushed writing and playing into established bad writing (e.g. showing a fall from grace by having someone kill someone eviler than themselves). I also really liked Ren and I felt like Kylo didn’t really get to have enough agency in like... any of it. His motivations were weirdly absent as well, despite this being ostensibly about him. So I wrote this, which I think handled how the story should have gone a lot better and, plus, it’s got smut!

(Okay and the rest are behind a cut for length)

Show of Devotion, 2479 words, posted Mar 28

Renben once again and this time, I mean, it’s all inappropriate use of lightsabers lmao. I was looking at the Ren and was like ‘wow that is SO phallic’ and then the horny brain turned on and, well, here we are. I also wanted a side of found family with the KOR and I think got that with this. It’s horny. It’s fun. What more could one want?

Aural, 2729 words, posted May 12

Okay this one... I have absolutely no excuses for lmao. I’m not even sure where the inspiration came from, I just remember I was in an online work meeting that was boring and the entire sequence of events played itself out in my head. It was all I could do to focus on work for the rest of the day and not immediately write this cursed creation lmao. The worst part was I’d been totally blocked on writing since March and this, THIS, was what eventually broke out of me. In case you haven’t read this one, it’s ear sex. Hux’s dick, Kylo’s ear. No, I don’t know the logistics either. But hey, I had a blast with it, both in terms of writing it and the reactions lmao. Someday I gotta write a follow up involving a nose too

Missed Chances, 10 749 words, posted Jun 7

Ah yes, this is the point where my renben met my kylux and created this absolutely enormous peanut butter cup of a fic lmao. It really was supposed to be like half the length it was, but alas, it was not. Also cockblocking kylux was SO hard, they wanted to fuck SO bad, but I had to stop them, the story demanded it lmao (and people in the comments were MAD, which is always excellent). It’s also when my renben series really started to have like, an overarching plot (aside from the modern au fics which I’ll talk about later). I even still have more instalments planned

Free Use, 6971 words, posted Jun 23

Another one that turned out far longer than initially planned, and also my most popular fic this year! I’m both surprised and not cause like. It’s a complete smut fest + my heavy headcanoning of the personalities of the KOR. People like smut, but I also feel it’s kinda niche considering how deep I’m in for the KOR lmao. So idk, I guess the smut won out. I did have a lot of fun with this one and there’s a lot of characterization thought put into each KOR, so it was really nice to see people loving that as much as I did. Canon gave us crumbs, but I just used them to make meatballs

Eat You Up, 1573 words, posted Jul 5

There’s not a lot to this one, it’s really just renben rimming cause the sexual dynamic with renben is so fun. Kylo/Ben is inexperienced yet eager and depraved enough to impress Ren, which is something considering I think of Ren as Very Experienced lmao. I really do love this ship; it’s a lot of fun to play with

In the Vents, 2002 words, posted Aug 3

Ah and this was my first piece for the stuck inside event on twitter, which I had a lot of fun with. Stuck fetish is one I’ve always wanted to explore, but never had any concrete ideas for. This event led to me finally getting to have Kylo stuck in a wall (plus more as well), which was fun. Also I spent far too long thinking about Hux’s vent contraption set up cause I knew he would never let Millie go anywhere that might hurt her, so I had to come up with a way to make the vent safe and here we are lmao. Hux being an engineer and also the most extra cat owner in existence worked out very well indeed. This was also the start of my creativity boom near the middle-end of the year that uh kinda burned out in a not so great way, but I’ll talk about that later lmao

Distraction, 3658 words, posted Aug 6

Another for the stuck inside event and another kylux/renben sandwich! Also featuring the KOR this time! Listen... it’s a gangbang, it’s got renben, it’s got kylux, it’s got Kylo getting stuffed from all ends... this is the kind of fic that, to me, is pure indulgence lmao. I had a tremendous amount of fun with it

Entrapped, 3484 words, posted Aug 8

So this was also for the stuck inside event (yes, I wrote 3 fics in about a week lmao - I don’t know how I did it either) and it’s darker than the sort of things I usually write. I enjoyed exploring something like this though, something outside my usual purview. It didn’t perform super well, but tbh the dark ones rarely do so lmao

Pit Stop, 1505 words, posted Aug 31

Welp, this is just an excuse for watersports lmao. I like piss, what can I say? And I’ve done it to kylux, so I had to do it to renben, and the modern au ‘need to pee on a road trip’ seemed like the perfect opportunity for it. Not much to say for it really

The Deal, 2431 words, posted Sep 3

Ah and this one here was the first for the throwback event I ran on twitter! The event itself ended up kind of being tainted by drama from one singular person who kind of ruined it by being a jerk for literally no good reason, but I’m not going to talk too much about that. Even with that, I still greatly enjoyed it and this piece might be my favourite from it as a whole. Kylo Amidala, political scandals, neither of them being nice... ahhhh yes, it definitely brought me back lmao

Devotion, 1929 words, posted Sep 10

Another for the throwback event, this time with Emperor and Hound dynamics which, unf, yes, I will literally never get tired of it. I really had fun with every fic from this event and this one was great because I so rarely get to write real action scenes, even if they’re in a flashback here. That and the dynamic itself really made it fun

To Be Wanted, 10 473 words, posted Sep 16

Ah yes, and here is my KBB for the year! I did a minibang this time, as, well, everything was going horribly wrong around the time of sign ups and I thought a mini would be more realistic. I think I was right on that and I’m glad I did it, even if I was torn at the time. The idea itself is one I’d been thinking about for a while. I can’t remember if I thought of it after seeing the leaks for tros or after watching the movie itself, but it’s been with me for a while and while I dithered over whether or not to sign up this year, the idea came back and was just perfect for a minibang. Plus I got an absolutely amazing and wonderful partner, which is really what makes the experience of doing bangs so great. I love this fic, I LOVE the art for it, and the whole experience was definitely a highlight to 2020 as a whole, both overall and in terms of my fandom/writing experience this year

Floss Me, 2033 words, posted Sep 21

My third for the throwback event and also the dental fetish fic I’ve wanted to write for a while now lmao but could never figure out a scenario for. As some of you may remember, 2018-2019, I went through some pretty horrific dental stuff and ultimately I think it kinda gave me a fetish lmao. Also I feel like there may or may not have been a kinky flossing prompt on one of the prompt sites at some point, but I looked everywhere and couldn’t find it so. But anyway, it was a fun fic for a kink I think is quite underrated tbh

The Cost of Certainty, 2541 words, posted Sep 25

My fourth and final piece for the throwback event, and this one is also a contender for my favourite piece from that event. I have always loved the idea of Hux being a serial killer and this was a perfect excuse to write it. I’d also recently finished a rewatch of Hannibal and, well, you can see where this came from lmao. I love writing tension and it was just very fun all around. I almost wish I’d done something like this as a long fic but tbh I don’t think I would’ve enjoyed writing it as much

Huxloween Drawings, 676 words, posted Nov 1

So this isn’t a fic but rather the drawings I did for huxloween, but people wanted them on ao3, so posted they are. Now, I mentioned above that I had this massive creative boom in Aug-Sep, but that it burned out rather badly. This is when that happened. I got into this place where I just... felt like everything I made wasn’t wanted or needed in the fandom. That everything I like is so unpopular at this point that I should just give up and leave. That I’ve spent all this time and energy over the years trying so desperately to get people engaged and so few ever cared and I just... ugh. It was bad. It was really bad and definitely partly fuelled by the bullshit that someone brought up regarding the throwback event (and I still believe that they are the sole cause of it’s poor reception). I, uh, am doing better now and still working through it all but it was a really rough time. But I found myself still wanting to be creative so I decided to draw. I am not good at drawing. I am not an artist. But that’s what made it fun: I went into each drawing knowing it wasn’t gonna look great. That wasn’t the point. So I never got upset about it. I think it helped me a lot tbh and I did really enjoy it and I’m glad I did it

Unconventional, 7243 words (in progress), updated Dec 20, first posted Nov 18

So the next part of me trying to fix the bullshit in my brain creativity-wise was to post the first chapter to this fic. This is a piece I’ve been working on since 2016-2017 (I don’t remember exactly when, but it was pre-TLJ, and I’ve gotten a new computer since so I don’t have the original creation date of the document) but I could just... never get a plot together for it and ever since I abandoned a fic in my old fandom (and this year I finally posted the ‘sorry this isn’t getting finished, here’s a closure summary’ chapter), I’ve been hesitant to post WIPs before being at least 80% done. So I said fuck it, I’m gonna post this and not be scared. Is this fic complete? Nope, but the plan is starting to come together. Do I know exactly where it’s going? Nope, but I don’t need to. Is it self-indulgent as all hell? Absolutely. I love this fic and I love this story and I love the concepts within it. So I posted it and tbh, it really helped. And I think this, combined with my writing break where I drew for 31 days straight lmao were really my saving graces here

Test Run, 3661 words, posted Dec 31

And now my final fic of the year! Which is a ship I honestly wasn’t super into (I don’t hate it, it just generally doesn’t do much for me) but then I did that thing where I thought ‘hmm but could it be written in a way that I am into?’ which, in my experience, always leads to me writing exactly that. Which is what I did here lmao. I’m pretty happy with it though and despite it being very strange to write, as I really had to work to get these two to get where they were going lmao, I had fun with it. I honestly doubt I’ll write more of them, but I’m glad I wrote this one, and I think it’s a good experiment to close out the year with

What have I learned?

Honestly, this year was a clusterfuck lmao. 2019 wasn’t great for me either, but we all lived through this and it was certainly An Experience. I think what this year really helped me focus on was what made me happy. I ended up in some dark places and I don’t want to go there again. It feels repetitive to say that, once again, I have learned that writing what I want is key when I say that every damn year, but tbh I think 2020 underscored it even more so. Spite as a motivator, when used to much, smothers the spark of creativity and the joy of creation. The most important lesson I learned this year by far is to not let that take the driver’s seat. A dash here and there? That’s fine. But as your main motivator? That’s just not healthy. And I need to work to keep it from consuming me like it has been for too long

Goals for 2021?

So last year I didn’t set any hard goals and boy, is it a good thing I didn’t, cause I achieved none of them lmao. I didn’t write more words (though I did write more individual fics, and the word count gap between this year and last is about the size of the difference between a big bang fic and a mini bang fic so really, I think I did okay), I didn’t even write a single fic for BTHB, and, to be really honest, I did not manage to keep my love for writing alive the whole time. I was in a really dark place a few times this year, but that drop in Sep-Oct was the worst from a creative standpoint. I feel like I’m mostly out of it now, even if I still have some work to do maintaining it. I’m hopeful for the future in that regard. The only thing I really did accomplish was that I feel positively towards all the fics I wrote; I’m happy and proud of all of them

So what is my goal? Honestly, I feel like every year I have to relearn the lesson of ‘write what you want, have fun, be self-indulgent, fuck expectations, etc.’ and my goal this year is to not have to relearn that again, but to keep that energy and carry it with me for the whole year. I realize I may have to put some effort in there, but I’m okay with that. I don’t know what 2021 has in store, but if I can just keep my passion alive and not fall into that pit again, I’m calling it a win

#kylux #renben #hey I'm not late this year lmao #it's been an interesting one that's for sure #anyway I'm happy with all my fics this year which is good #but I need to keep working at keeping my head in the right space #which will likely take some practice #but I'm off to a good start #and I have good feelings about the future in that regard #so here's to a 2020 full of writing about kylo getting railed to high heaven #and to a 2021 full of the same!#my fic #long post #shut up nerd

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dizzydancingdreamer · 4 years

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Hi!! I saw that requests were open and I just read the Sweater fic and had to follow! 💓I was wondering if you could maybe do a song fic(like it’s loosely based off a song)? The song would be Delicate by Taylor Swift, I was thinking fluff and lil angst? With Klaus a human!reader 💓

HEY I"M SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG (and that it's absolute trash) I TRIED TO FINISH IT FASTER BUT THE ENDING WASN'T WORKING!!! I hope you like it, it's not quite what you asked for but I tried!!!

ALSO, attention lovelies, I've been reading everywhere people saying things like "Klaus keeps being written wrong". I, personally, don't think you can write a character wrong. The whole point of this is that you can do whatever you want with the character. So, that being said, if that's how you feel then you'll probably hate this. If not, enjoy babes!

Delicate | Klaus Mikaelson

Description: Based off the song "Delicate" by Taylor Swift. I did it to the acoustic version, not a big deal but the vibe matches that version better. Basically Y/n works at a bar in New Orleans, it's hinted at that it's Rousseau's but it isn't named. Klaus comes in looking for Camille but finds her instead. One thing leads to another and she ends up in the Mikaelson compound doing things she wouldn't normally do. Terrible description, even I don't know wtf I wrote. Good luck, you will need it.

Pairing: Klaus Mikaelson x Human!Reader

Warnings: It's cheesy. Like throw up in your mouth cheesy. Not realistic (to be fair what really is, isn't that why we do this?)

Word count: 3877

Tags: slight angst, FLUFF

(Not my picture :) )

The bar where you work is empty, something that’s surprising at almost eleven on a Saturday. Usually it’s packed, filled with whoever the wind blows in from the streets of New Orleans. That being said, not the most model citizens. You run a cloth over the counter, wiping away non-existent crumbs. You don’t mind a full bar but tonight you’re drained. You don’t mind the silence.

There’s one person, a man, sitting at the end of the counter. He ordered a drink over an hour ago, one of the cheaper beers you have to offer, that he’s still nursing. He keeps checking the clock on the wall, every five minutes or so. Stood up. You see it a lot. You don’t feel like talking, though, especially not to a man who has just had his ego stomped on. You just keep wiping the counter.

The man finally leaves at a quarter to twelve. He lasted longer than most, you’ll give him that. You don’t feel bad for him. You don’t know him. There’s a chance he deserved it. Scratch that, you’re in New Orleans, he definitely deserved it. When he’s out the door you pour yourself a drink. You have an hour left, the bar’s dead, and you’ve cleaned everything. Twice. You deserve it.

When you take the first sip of your rum and coke, the bell above the front door chimes. You almost sigh but when you look up the air is knocked from your lungs. In front of you is a man, sandy blonde and tall. Handsome. That’s not why you can’t breathe, though. You see a lot of attractive men blow through your bar, if each one stole your breath you wouldn’t be very good at your job. No, the wind gets knocked from your lungs because of the blood on his grey t-shirt.

He marches to where you are and lays his hands flat on the counter. He doesn’t slam them. In all the scenarios where a dangerous looking man comes into an empty bar in search of trouble he always slams his hands down. He’s ruining the bad guy experience. His eyes are icy and, upon further inspection, glossy. Maybe ‘bad guy’ is the wrong label.

“I’m gonna cut to the chase, love, where is Camille?” His accent catches you off guard.

He means Camille O’Connell. You know her as Cami, though. You’ve been working with her for as long as you can remember. On busy nights, with the two of you manning the bar, you easily pull a couple hundred in tips each. She’s supposed to be here tonight but she had called in at the last minute and you hadn’t argued with her. Knowing Cami, if she called in then it was for something important.

You take another sip of your drink, cautiously answering, “sorry it’s just me tonight.”

He leans back, running his hand through his hair, tugging at the strands in the back, “alright, there goes that.”

It’s mumbled, like he’s talking more to himself than to you. He turns to leave and, for a reason you can’t quite explain, your heart sinks a little bit. It’s your turn to run your hand through your hair. You bite your lip nervously. You’re definitely going to regret this.

“Can I buy you a drink?”

He looks back at you, over his shoulder, a small smile on his face. His eyes flicker to the clock, sort of like how the man before him had, before settling back on you.

“What time are you off?” His question throws you off.

“I, ah,” you glance warily at him, your eyes darting to the stains on his shirt, “why?”

He chuckles lowly, chasing shivers up your spine, “don’t you trust me, love?”

This time you laugh. You’ve said it once, you’ll say it again: this is New Orleans. This isn’t the place you should trust easily. Although, looking back at him, his eyes flash with sincerity. That could easily be the rum though. Regardless, you can’t deny your curiosity. What do they say about that again?

“Should I?”

He smiles wide this time, his eyes piercing yours from across the room, “not if you ask anyone from this town.”

Oh yeah; they say it kills.

“I’m off in an hour, I'll meet you in the back.”

“Until then, love,” he parts, leaving nothing but the chiming bell in his wake.

You don’t realize how fast your heart is beating until he leaves. It drowns out the music drifting through the bar and you’re stuck with your thoughts. When you close your eyes you see his crystal ones and you shiver again. It dawns on you that you don’t even know his name. You don’t know anything about him. This is definitely a bad idea. You quickly down the remainder of your drink, pouring yourself another and pulling up a stool.

You pull out your phone; now is probably a good time to shoot Camille a text.

Hey, so a guy just came in asking about you.

Should I be worried?

12:02

A few minutes later your phone buzzes.

That depends, what does he look like?

12:04

You smile a little at her reply, typing back quickly.

Blonde, tall, blue-eyes. Spoke like he

knew you well.

12:04

This time her response is instant and chilling.

That was probably Klaus. If I'm

right trust me when I say you

want no part of that. I’m talking

major drama.

12:05

Your heart stops at her words and you think back to the blood on his shirt, feeling entirely stupid.

Is he dangerous?

12:06

Her answer takes longer than you would have liked, your pulse hammering in your eardrums for too long.

No.

12:11

You sigh in relief, clicking your phone off and setting it on the bar top.

After that the hour passes excruciatingly slow. Now you know how that man must have felt. You’ve probably looked at that clock a dozen times. After what feels like five, of what was supposed to be one, hours, the hand finally strikes ten to one. You sigh in relief as you rush to count the money in the till. After locking the front door and turning off all the lights, you check your appearance in the mirror behind the bar one last time. You smooth your hair down and pinch your cheeks lightly, although you’re not sure why. You’ve seen it in movies though, so you give it a shot.

You step out of the back door into the cool air, letting it wrap around your hot skin as you lock the door.

“Took you long enough,” you jump slightly at the smooth voice that greets you.

Klaus. Well, probably Klaus. You’re still not sure. You should be scared but you can’t bring yourself to do so. You can’t stop the smile that spreads on your face when you turn to meet him. He’s cleaned up, wearing a fresh crew-neck and some dark jeans. When he steps into the light you notice the dark circles under his eyes. For the second time tonight you find your heart aching for this man.

“Well, what are we doing now?” You tilt your head to the side, watching his eyes watch you in the alleyway.

“That depends, love, are you still up for that drink?”

Your heart flutters at his proposition, “if I remember properly, I’m the one who asked to buy you a drink.”

He walks over to you, offering you up his hand and sending you a delicious smirk, “call me old fashioned.”

You place your palm in his without a second thought, a side effect most likely caused from the alcohol warming your chest. He pulls you out of the alley and into the streets of the French Quarter. It’s teeming with life still, despite it being one in the morning. Music trickles out of bars that are still open, strings of lights and street lamps guiding you down the uneven cobble stones.

“You know, you still haven’t asked me my name,” your words float into the air, mingling with the music like a new song.

“Would you like me to ask you your name, love?”

You almost say no, if only to make sure that he doesn’t stop calling you by that word. Love. It makes your insides twirl.

“My name is Y/n,” you answer softly instead.

He repeats your name back, like he’s testing how it feels on his tongue, and smiles lightly. Your heart sings in your chest, a warm blush settling over your skin in the dim night. You wish you could record him and play it on a loop. You could get lost in the way he says your name.

“Well Y/n, love, aren’t you going to ask me my name?”

His thumb rubs circles and your mind goes fuzzy, “I don’t need to, Klaus.”

“Ah, I see you’ve been speaking to Camille. Tell me, what wonderful things did she have to say,” there’s a smile on his face but his tone is off; too cool.

You glance at his face. He’s staring ahead of you, his eyes locked on the horizon, refusing to meet your gaze. You squeeze his hand tighter, not saying anything right away. You’ve always tried to be the person who decides for herself. What you wear, what music you listen to. Who you like and, with that, who you don’t. In a city as wayward as this one, you try to avoid letting yourself be influenced by the likes, or dislikes, of others. It’s only fair.

“It doesn’t matter.”

He looks over to you, surprise laced in his eyes, “well, I suppose that’s good because we’re here.”

You don’t realize that you’ve stopped walking until he says that, your eyes drifting back in front of you. You can’t help but gasp at the sight. You can’t say you’ve never seen a house like this before but you can say that you’ve never been privy to being this close to one. It’s as grand as any New Orleans compound, held up by marvellous white columns and a porch that could probably hold three of your mother’s small farmhouse alone. The wrought iron gates and towering hedges that surround it add a hint of mystery to its beauty. It looks forbidden.

Klaus pulls you through the gate, your mouth still gaping at the scene in front of you. He chuckles, walking you to the front door, his eyes locked on your face. You can tell he’s soaking up your every expression and basking in it.

Your heart leaps when Klaus leans down to whisper into your ear, “you haven’t seen anything yet, love.”

And he’s right because when he opens the door your head spins. It’s a courtyard. Right there in the middle of the house. It’s breathtaking, every square inch of the space before you. Your eyes dart to the iron banisters surrounding the floors that seem to go on forever, reaching towards the sky which is visible through glass panels. Ferns hang from each floor, bowing to the beautiful fountain centered precisely in the middle of it all. You're in awe.

You also feel completely and utterly out of your element. Two hours ago you wouldn't have even dreamt that you would be standing somewhere a marvellous as this. It isn’t you. Not because you don't want it to be. Life just doesn’t always work out the way you want it to.

“This is,” you turn to the blue-eyed boy behind you, shaking your head slightly, “it’s just wow.”

You’re breathless. You feel like you have been since you met him. When he laughs though, like really genuinely laughs, you finally know what it truly feels like to be breathless. His laugh makes your heart stop and simultaneously restarts it at the same time. It’s oxygen. Before this moment you weren't breathing. This is what life feels like.

He leads you through a door, your eyes catching on every bit of the house you’re granted and on him. You watch the way his back moves through the fabric of his shirt and how his eyes dart to every door you pass, like he’s trying to picture what’s behind them. You’re just as amazed by him as you are the house, perhaps even more so.

Klaus brings you to a kitchen, one modern in comparison to the history you had passed on the way here. It's stark white and open. Beautiful, just like everything else you’ve seen so far. You’re not sure how much more you can take.

“Take a seat,” he gestures to the marble counter top where you gladly pull out a stool, “I’ll see what I can find.”

You watch him dig through the many cupboards lining the kitchen, admiring the way his shirt rides up slightly when he reaches above the sink. He pulls out a bottle filled with a honey coloured liquid, setting it in the sink.

“I can feel you staring, love, didn't anyone ever tell you that’s impolite,” his words bring immeasurable heat to your cheeks among other places.

When he turns back around to face you his crystal eyes are teasing, a casual smirk on his lips. He grabs the bottle again, stalking over to you with a look you can’t quite place. It pools more heat in all the places it shouldn't and makes it impossible to look away from him. When he reaches you he sets the alcohol behind your back. What he does next knock the wind from your lungs, again. Are you even surprised anymore?

He grabs you by the waist, picking you up as if you weigh nothing and swiftly setting you on the edge of the counter. Your hands grasp at his shoulders, trying to steady yourself from falling. The cold marble bites through the material of your pants, sending a new sensation coursing through your veins. He steps between your legs, caging you against the counter.

“That’s better now, isn't it.”

You’re pulse pounds rapidly in your ears, adrenaline swimming through your body. You’re eye level with him for the first time since meeting him. Under the bright lights of the kitchen you can see the sapphire ring around his pupils. Your heart jumps when you watch them expand, the black in his eyes dominating the blue. His shoulders relax under your fingers. You know you should move your hands but, by god, you don’t want to.

“Don’t you want that drink?” It’s not even convincing to your ears, let alone his.

With him so close to you, you can smell his cologne. It’s like water, cool and fresh. Absolutely intoxicating.

His pupils blow wide again and he swallows, his hand sliding up from your hips to cup your cheek, “do you?”

“Klaus,” his name flies from your lips like a question, one that you’re not sure if you want an answer to or not.

Your hands move to the base of his neck, pulling him closer to you. Your actions surprise you. You’ve never been like this. You’re a kiss at the end of the date kind of girl. A month of waiting kind of girl. A practical, keep to herself, kind of girl. Not this daring girl who sits on countertops in beautiful houses with gorgeous men. Men who look at her like they want to eat her up in ways that no one ever thought to warn her about.

He steps impossibly closer to you. His hand, the one still on your hip, slides down your thigh, pulling your leg up around his waist and holding you against him. Your fingers twist in the hair at the base of his neck, pulling a groan from his lips that lights your whole body on fire.

“Why did you come with me, love? I'm not good, surely Camille told you that,” he sighs his words, dipping his head back, further into your hand, his eyes closing.

His thumb rubs heated circles on your thigh and you have to bite back a moan, “I wanted to. For the first time in a long time I did something I wanted.”

He leans in, his face inches from yours, his breath hot on your lips, “my reputation isn’t exactly the best around here. I am told that I’m something of a monster.”

You wrap your other leg around his waist, squeezing them around him, causing his hand to tighten on your thigh, “I guess I don’t care.”

Klaus’ eyes flash black and the next thing you know his lips are on yours, moving against yours with a desperation you didn’t know that you’ve been craving. Your hands tug at his sandy hair, gripping at the soft curls with the same fervour. His hands hold your thighs tighter, crushing you against him. He pulls your bottom lip between his teeth, tugging harshly before soothing it with his tongue. You moan against his lips, your cheeks burning with equal parts embarrassment and passion.

He smiles darkly, pulling away slightly before reattaching his lips to your neck. He bites down, his tongue drawing circles on your sensitive skin. You groan into the empty space of the kitchen, holding him against you. You’ve been kissed before, but not like this. Everywhere his mouth lands sends more shocks racing down your spine. It’s wonderful, the way every part of your body is calling his name.

“Klaus,” his name falls from your lips; a prayer for something you don’t have the words to describe.

He pulls his head from your neck, leaning his forehead against yours, lightly kissing your lips, “how about we move this somewhere a little more private, yeah?”

You nod fast, crashing your lips harder against his. He stands, taking you with him. He’s out of the kitchen and up the stairs so quick that your head spins. Any other time you would have been upset that you didn't get to see more of this beautiful house but right now you're fully consumed by Klaus. His scent curls around you, lifting you higher than any man should be able to. Your arms cling around his shoulders, keeping you flush against his chest.

His lips stay on yours the entire jaunt to his bedroom, only separating when he tosses you onto his bed. The giggles fall easily from your mouth. You can’t help but bask in the soft comforter, inhaling as much of him as you can. He walks towards you, slowly, like a tiger on the prowl, pulling the tee off his body and discarding it on the floor without a second thought. Your eyes slide to his chest, glued to his toned stomach.

He climbs onto the bed, pulling you by your hips towards him. You roll, pinning him to the bed, your legs straddling his hips. He looks shocked, like no one’s ever done that with him before. How sad it must be to feel like you always have to be in control. You smirk down at him, pulling your own shirt over your head, exposing your lacy bra to him. His eyes turn black again, pooling heat in the pit of your stomach with just a look.

You lean down, your hands on his chest, fingertips running over the dips on his abdomen. He closes his eyes, his hands hanging loosely on your hips. He looks at peace. You don’t know him but you have a feeling he doesn’t get to feel this way often. Your heart breaks for him, again, and you don’t mind.

You lean down, placing your lips where your hands had been.

“Fuck,” Klaus’ hand wraps in your hair, his stomach tightening under your touch.

You work your way up, stopping every so often to suck his skin into your mouth. The sounds coming from his mouth make you glow, pushing you to do your absolute best. You kiss your way up his chest, giving extra attention to his collarbone. You nip at the side of his neck, his arms wrapping around your back. When you finally make it to his lips, you press a soft kiss to them, holding his face gently in your hands.

He sighs into your kiss, setting your insides on fire for the hundredth, “what do you want me to do?”

He looks up at you, a small smile playing at the corner of his lips. His hands rub your back lightly. He leans his face into your hand, kissing your palm. Your heart flutters rapidly in your chest.

His answer catches you off guard, an unfamiliar warmth settling over, “I want to hold you. Please, love?”

You can’t help the smile that takes over your face, “you want to cuddle with me?”

��Do you have to say it like that?” He sits up, keeping you on his lap, his hands sliding up and down your exposed back.

His head falls against your neck, kissing gently, “I’m just surprised. Since when do guys bring girls home to do anything decent?”

You lean against him, your arms falling around his shoulders without a second thought. It’s so natural, like you’ve known him your entire life. It almost isn’t fair that the universe had been hiding this. Clearly he’s been around. He knows Cami. He’s obviously been in the bar before. He was there just always out of your reach.

“I don’t,” your skin tingles with his hums, “not usually.”

Your heart sinks into your stomach, much too far considering you barely know him, “why start now?”

Your words are harsher than you intend for and he pulls back, staring into your eyes, “I don’t know, love, you're just different.”

Your cheeks burn, a recurrence that’s starting to bother you, “what does that mean?”

You’re frustrated. For multiple reasons. You feel different, odd. He makes you feel things that you haven’t felt in a very long time, if ever. You’ve made choices you tonight that you wouldn’t normally make. You don’t feel like yourself. You like that you don’t feel like yourself but that means you also don't know who you are right now, which you don’t like. If you’re not you then who are you? Clearly you're the girl that jumps into bed with strangers, even if it’s not to sleep with them. You feel hot all over and you hate it.

“I don’t know,” he pushes away a strand of hair that you don’t realize had fallen, “what do you think?”

It’s not sarcastic but you wish it was so you wouldn't have to answer, “I think that this isn’t me. That I don’t do this. Ever. And that you’re breaking your end of the one night stand pact.”

His thumb skims over your cheek and you have to steel yourself from the shivers it causes, “love, I wasn’t aware that this was a one night stand. Is that what you want?”

Your mouth falls open slightly, your eyes stuck to his sparkling ones, “I-”

He presses his mouth to yours before you can answer, his hands holding you against him. You don’t fight him, you just sink into his arms once more. You let yourself revel in the warmth of his chest.

“Let’s not make any promises, love."

#the originals #the vampire diaries #tvd #to #klaus mikaelson #klaus mikaelson x reader #Klaus Mikaelson Imagine #Imagine #reader insert

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kuiinncedes · 4 years

Text

i have too much hw to do but i wrote something really quickly anyway lol and it’s the same vampire!tina werewolf!quinn thing from yesterday but you don’t have to read that one to read this one bc there’s absolute no backstory or anything lmao :P (you should read it though bc i think it’s my favorite one i’ve written so far a;lsdjfsjsajfdsfkjlsflsj)

Prompt: fangs

“Kurt invited us to a Halloween party he and Blaine are throwing,” Tina says, heading over to Quinn in front of the stove and wrapping her arms around her from behind, hooking her chin over Quinn’s shoulder. Quinn leans her head against Tina’s momentarily. “He said it’s also serving as like a housewarming party, kind of, since they haven’t had one yet.”

Quinn hums, turns her head to kiss Tina’s temple. “Morning, sleepyhead.”

Tina laughs quietly, contentedly, nuzzling her forehead into Quinn’s neck. “Do you want to go? I said we’d think about it. It’s the day before Halloween to avoid the full moon.”

Quinn thinks for a second. If she’s being honest, she would rather stay in and cuddle with her girlfriend so close to a full moon. The day before, she usually starts to feel some of the more uncomfortable symptoms of the change her body will be forced through, and Tina’s cold skin is the perfect antidote for a lot of it. Also her kisses. Quinn loves those.

But… it has been a while since they’ve been out with their friends. Having to hide the fact that one of them is a vampire and the other is a werewolf is a pretty good deterrent from social gatherings. Maybe one time won’t be too bad.

“Sure,” Quinn decides, sliding her breakfast out of the pan and onto a plate. “I kind of miss seeing everyone.”

“Yay,” Tina says quietly. “And, I mean, Kurt and Blaine know, so we don’t have to explain or anything if we need to leave early, okay?”

“Okay,” Quinn teases mockingly, causing Tina to scrunch her face in the adorable way that makes Quinn want to kiss her nose, which she does.

“I wouldn’t have thought of you to be a werewolf, Quinn,” Kurt says with a wink. “Too proper and poised.”

“Shut up,” Quinn laughs. Truly, though, she’s glad they have friends who know the truth about them. It makes the hiding a lot easier sometimes.

Tonight they’ve gone with hiding in plain sight. Both Quinn and Tina have their real fangs showing as part of their “costumes” as a werewolf and vampire, respectively. Quinn has morphed slightly to allow her claws to poke through as well.

“Your fangs are so realistic,” says Blaine as he comes up beside Kurt, grinning and faking an awed tone.

“And my claws, if I may say so myself,” Quinn says, playing along. “We’re kind of experts at the Halloween costume thing.”

Tina giggles and says, “Watch your back, Kurt, we’ll be putting you out of a job soon!”

Kurt rolls his eyes. “As if I’d want to make vampire and werewolf costumes for a living. I’ll gladly leave that to you.”

The calls of some other guests lead Kurt and Blaine away together with a wave, and Quinn and Tina are alone in the kitchen.

“You okay?” Tina says softly, holding Quinn’s hands, which have been trembling slightly, between hers.

Quinn nods. “Yeah. It’s nothing, just excess energy.”

Tina smiles, exposing her fangs that even Quinn rarely gets to see. “Good. I want to dance with you.” Quinn laughs as Tina jerks her away from the counter, into her arms in the middle of the kitchen.

“There’s no music,” Quinn sings as Tina pulls her close.

“That’s the point,” Tina says. “Soon the karaoke machine will be fixed and all we’ll have to dance to are the wails of a group of moderately to extremely drunk young adults in showbiz trying to relive their high school national champion show choir glory days.”

“We should sing a duet.”

“Changing the subject?”

Quinn grins and lets Tina take the lead.

#IDK HOW I FEEL ABOUT THIS BC I WROTE IT REALLY QUICKLY AND HAVENT HAD THE TIME TO REALLY PROOFREAD IT OR ANYTHING #BUT IMMA POST IT ANYWAY #IDK WHY IM SAYING THIS IN ALL CAPS #ALSDKFJLSDFJKJAJJKSDFS #i'll probably wake up tomorrow and be like tf is this why did i let myself post this shit XD #whateverrrrrrrr the point is to try to get out of my comfort zone or something idk #why do i always have to ramble in the tags #im writing????????#quinntina #tina cohen chang #quinn fabray #fics #how else do i tag these i dont remember #glee #glee fic #yeet #my ficsssss

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waxingmoonwrites · 3 years

Text

New Year’s Kiss (Blaise Zabini)

Pairing: Blaise Zabini x fem!Reader

Word Count: 3,945 (it was not supposed to be this long lol)

Warnings: None

A/N: So yes… this is my first ever one-shot here on Tumblr! I have a bunch written in old notebooks from when I first read the books and would write a bunch after reading each book, but… yeah! Yes, this one-shot does take place on New Year’s Eve, and I am aware that it is not New Year’s Eve yet, I just had this idea and couldn’t help but write it! Just a little warning, again this is my first ever one-shot I’m putting on Tumblr, so it’s not great, but trust me when I say its a thousand times better than the one-shots I wrote back in the day.

***

It was obvious. Painfully obvious.

Y/N Y/L/N and Blaise Zabini had been friends since they were kids. Y/N was a Muggle born, it being a mere coincidence that Blaise and his mother moved into the house across the street from the Y/L/N family.

When Y/N was informed that she was a witch, the first person she told was Blaise. Even though she was aware that she shouldn’t have been telling him, she was extremely surprised to hear him tell her that he had also been accepted to Hogwarts, that he was a wizard and was going to be going to Hogwars with her.

Blaise was friends with Draco Malfoy who, of course, didn’t exactly support Muggle borns being allowed into Hogwarts, or even being considered wizards in general. Which is exactly why neither Bliase nor Y/N ever said anything about her not being from pureblooded decent to Draco.

It’s not like Y/N cared what anyone thought about her. It was that she really cared about Draco’s friendship. Even though most people assumed that he was a rude friend, and that he would be insufferable to be around. That was entirely untrue. He could be very stuck-up at times, but that was just because that was how he was raised, he didn’t know anything else.

Blaise and Y/N were close before they went to Hogwarts, but once Y/N was Sorted into Slytherin along with him, they got closer still.

Over the years they knew each other, Blaise and Y/N realized that they didn’t like each other as just friends anymore. By the time fourth year came along, both of them were desperately wanting to ask the other to the Yule Ball. But both being terrified of ruining their friendship, neither said anything.

Now here they were, seventh year, Draco, Blaise, Y/N, Daphne, Pansy, and Theo all staying back at Hogwarts for the holidays to throw both a Christmas party and a New Years party as a celebration of their last year at school.

Daphne and Pansy knew about Y/N’s long standing crush on Blaise, and Draco and Theo knew about Blaise’s long standing crush on Y/N. Everyone knew that they liked each other, but, as Draco so politely put it, they were just both cowards.

“Just go for it,” Draco would tell Blaise. “You like her as more than a friend, and if what Daph and Pans have told me, she likes you back just as much as you like her. Maybe even more,”

“Impossible,” Blaise responded. “Y/N’s too good for me. She’s nice, caring, and accepting of everyone. I’m not like that,”

Theo just scoffed and rolled his eyes.

“What was that about?” Blaise asked, the anger rising in himself. He knew that he shouldn’t have been taking his anger out on his friends, but he was angry at himself and he didn’t know what to do with that.

“If she’s too good for you, the ornaments are too good for the Christmas trees,” Theo said, crossing his arms and returning to the book he had been reading. “Someone needs to screw your head on straigt, Blaise. You’re being an idiot,”

A very similar situation was going on in the girls’ dorms that night.

“Oh please,” Daphne said, throwing a pillow at Y/N. “Blaise is in love with you just as much as you are with him. Maybe even a bit more,”

Y/N let out a blissful sigh as she dodged said pillow. “I can hope, Daph. But Blaise doesn’t see me that way,”

Pansy threw another pillow at Y/N, except much harsher this time. It went so fast it hit Y/N straight in the face, her eyes wide as Pansy said, “You really are dumb,”

“Hey!” Y/N protested. “I’m not dumb, I’m just being realistic,”

Daphne gave her a sympathetic look as she said, “Normally I would agree with you, Y/N, but in this scenario, being realistic is being dumb,”

Y/N rolled her eyes and reached over to her nightstand, taking out her tub of nail polish, choosing a burgundy color that Blaise had complimented once. Daphne and Pansy didn’t miss this, exchanging knowing glances. Ever since Blaise had told her one day during Potions that he liked the color of her nails that day (the burgundy color), every time the paint chipped she restored it.

“I’m surprised you haven’t replaced your entire nail polish stock with that color, Y/N,” Pansy said with a cheeky smirk.

Looking up from where she’d been applying the base coat to her nails, Y/N asked, “What d’you mean, Pans? I like the color, that’s that,”

Daphne had to suppress a laugh as Pansy continued. “I think Blaise likes the color, Y/N, and you like Blaise.”

“You guys know I like Blaise,” she responded.

“JUST TELL HIM!” the other two girls yelled in unison.

Y/N rolled her eyes and returned to painting her nails. It was true though, what they were saying. Ever since Blaise complimented the color on her nails, Y/N couldn’t help but use it every single time she felt the need to repaint her nails.

To every single person in the entire school, no the entire world, it was obvious that Blaise Zabini and Y/N Y/L/N were in love.

***

“So… anyone you’re planning to kiss this New Years?” Daphne asked, slowly walking closer to Blaise, who was sitting on the comfiest couch in the Slytherin common room closest to the fire.

He was sitting in pure silence, staring at the fire. The only thing that had been on his mind lately was Y/N. Y/N… Y/N… Y/N…. There was almost nothing that could break him from his thoughts.

When her question was followed with silence, Daphne sat directly next to Blaise and smacked the back of his head, causing him to let out a groan of protest, and give Daphne a look of pure anger.

“What the hell, Daph?” he yelled. “Why’d you hit me?”

“Because I asked you a question and you just continued to stare at the fire and silently pine after Y/N,” Daphne said matter-of-factly, like it was the most obvious answer ever.

Blaise’s cheeks immediately flushed pink as he said, very shakily might I add, “I-I… what… what’re you talking about?”

“I asked if there was anyone in particular you were planning on kissing this New Years,” Daphne repeated, an apathetic expression covering her face. “But I should’ve known not to say anything to you, considering both you and Y/N have been going crazy over each other for years and for some reason your pining has been dialed to ten thousand, I’m assuming since New Years is two days away and you both want a midnight kiss but don’t want to say anything,”

When she finally took a break to breathe, Blaise had a very shocked look on his face. He figured Y/N didn’t like him, but everything Daphne had said about him he agreed with. Blaise definitely wanted a New Years kiss from Y/N, but, as he’s said to everyone, she’s too good for him.

Daphne rolled her eyes. “Blaise, don’t just look at me and not say anything, I’d have thought you’ve been doing enough of that to Y/N,”

“Is it that obvious?” he asked, anxiety laced through his words. He had realized that he was looking at Y/N much more than a best friend normally would. But he was okay with it, which made him feel guilty.

Daphne let out a laugh and said, “To everyone in the entire world, yes. To Y/N, no.”

Blaise facepalmed and covered his face in his hands to hide his cheeks that were now glowing bright pink. “I really don’t mean to stare at her as much as I do, I just…”

“You love her,”

“Y-yeah,” Blaise replied, looking up at Daphne. “Daph, I can’t stop thinking about her. She’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, and she has the most amazing personality, and everything about her seems as perfect as a person can be. But I’m… so far from perfect,” he said with doubt in his voice. “I don’t deserve her,”

Daphne rolled her eyes for the millionth time and said, “Dear Lord Blaise Zabini!” she yelled. “Blaise, Y/N loves you too! Take it from one third of our nightly girl talks with Pansy, she’s is absolutely infatuated with you. Remember that burgundy color that she painted her nails that one time that you complimented?”

Of course Blaise remembered. Everytime he saw that color on her nails (which was quite often, he noticed, though it was probably just because she really liked the color) he felt butterflies take flight in his stomach.

“Yeah?” he replied hesitantly.

“She paints her nails that exact color every time because you complimented it! Because she wants you to say something about it again!”

Blaise wanted to believe it. Y/N making an effort to get him to compliment her? Man, he would compliment her every second of every day if he could. But he didn’t want to look like he wanted her. Which he did, of course. But they were best friends. Just friends. Best friends.

“That’s… not true,” Blaise said. “She’d never like someone like me,”

Daphne let out a hoarse laugh as she said, “You’re right, Blaise, she doesn’t like you,” but before he could overreact, she continued. “She loves you.”

Blaise sat in disbelief, staring at one of his closest friends. Once again, the only thing occupying his mind was Y/N Y/L/N.

Little did either of them know, Y/N was standing at the top of the stairs, listening in on the conversation. Due to the late hour, Blaise and Daphne were two of the six people left in the common room at that hour, and since Y/N was listening intently, she heard every single word they said.

Blaise loved her back? He felt the same way she felt about him?

A large smile came over Y/N’s face as she thought about it. Blaise loved her back, Blaise Zabini loved her back.

Knowing the boy that she had pined over for years felt the same way about her that she felt about him was a feeling that caused butterflies to take flight in her stomach. She immediately rushed away back to her dorm, laying down on her bed even though she knew there was no way she would be able to fall asleep after learning a piece of information as big as this.

A few minutes after she laid her head down on her bed, she heard Daphne come in from the common room, flopping down on her bed.

Y/N didn’t miss the exasperated, “If those two don’t get together by New Years I’m locking them in a closet,” that escaped Daphne’s lips before she fell asleep.

***

New Years Eve was a very exciting day for the Slytherins. Draco, Blaise, and Theo had been planning a New Years Eve party for weeks, and everyone in the House knew about it. Even the other Houses (that, to the Slytherins knowledge, hadn’t planned a super epic party), were buzzing with excitement as the new year approached.

Y/N and Blaise were on the edges of their seats, on the other hand.

Blaise had finally been convinced to just take a chance and tell Y/N how he felt at the party, and Y/N had learned that Blaise loved her back, so she was determined to get their kiss on New Years Eve.

Everyone had noticed that Y/N had changed a bit. Before, she was a bit nervous when six of them were together, seeing as Blaise was there. Whenever Blaise wasn’t present, she was a bit more outgoing.

But now, Y/N seemed to be acting outgoing and excited no matter what they were doing, and who was there. She even went as far as to throw an arm over Blaise’s shoulder during lunch one day, and rest her head on his shoulder.

Eventually Y/N admitted to Pansy and Daphne that she had overheard Blaise and Daph’s conversation in the common room that night, and was determined to kiss him at midnight. Needless to say both were so proud of her that they threw a mini party for the three of them in their dorm that night.

Blaise had spent the entire time since his conversation with Daphne thinking over how he was going to confess his love to Y/N. It was, of course, going to be difficult. Even though for the longest time he had stopped thinking of her as just his best friend, but as the woman he wanted to love, he still felt like confessing his love to his best friend was going to be the hardest thing he’d ever done.

It was in that moment that Blaise wished he had listened every time his mother spoke to him about girls.

There were so many possibilities of things that could happen. Ever since the day he had admitted to Theo and Draco that he liked Y/N (he didn’t tell them at first that he was absolutely in love with her, though they could tell), they had been assuring him that she liked him back, that the feelings were mutual. And even though her recent behavior was causing Blaise to maybe kinda sorta believe them, he didn’t want to get his hopes up.

Besides, what was he even supposed to say? “Hey Y/N… I know we’re best friends and everything, but I’ve liked you since about third year and been in love with you since fourth year, and everyone tells me that you feel the same way but I’m not sure,”? That may work, but Blaise was sure that if he actually spoke those words aloud in front of Y/N he would be stuttering uncontrollably and there was no way Y/N would be able to understand what he was saying.

But the New Years party was that night, meaning he didn’t have much more tme to figure it out.

Fortunately (yet unbeknownst to him), Y/N was planning something as well. Actually, she wasn’t necessarily planning something. More thinking of how she was going to wing it.

“So… you’re just gonna walk up to him and say you love him?” Daphne asked in disbelief as her, Pansy, and Y/N prepared for the party. “That doesn’t sound very romantic.”

Y/N just shrugged. “You don’t have to like it, Daph. Besides, I know that if I like… script something out, it’s just going to turn out worse than if I stutter over my words because I didn’t think it over,”

“That sounds about right,” Pansy said with a shrug. “Y/N does tend to overthink things when she plans them out, so maybe we should just let her and Blaise live out their fairy tale,”

Y/N scrunched up her nose. “We’re not living out any fairy tale, the exact opposite. Fairy tale characters would dramatically realize two seconds to midnight that they love each other, and would run towards the other and even more dramatically kiss at exactly midnight. That’s way too specific, real life is a lot more messy,”

Pansy nodded in agreement as she continued to paint on her eyeliner, while Daphne just rolled her eyes.

“Why can’t you just agree to disagree and we can both live in our blissful happiness?” Daphne whined, then tapped her chin in thought. “Actually, my bad. Y/N, you and Blaise will live in blissful happiness after they get together at midnight tonight. Exactly midnight,” she added the end just to annoy Y/N.

***

“You look nice, Y/N/N,” Blaise said, staring up in awe as he watched Pansy, Daphne, and Y/N walking down the stairs coming from the girls dorm. But Blaise didn’t even see the other two girls. His eyes were trained on Y/N.

She was wearing a flowing jade green dress that sparkled in the low light. The neckline plunged ever so slightly to show off the perfect amount of cleavage. Her silver heels complimented the silver necklace on her neck that… that Blaise had gotten her for her most recent birthday.

Her hair was styled perfectly, cascading down her back and on her shoulders in perfect waves, bouncing ever so slightly as she approached Blaise with a smile on her face.

“Thanks, Blaise,” Y/N replied, her cheeks turning pink slightly. She turned her attention to the slightly crooked bowtie that Draco had convinced him to wear. It was a green tie, coincidentally, the same green that was on Y/N’s dress.

(This was not a coincidence at all. Daphne, Pansy, Theo, and Draco had come together the night before, and the girls informed the boys the exact color that Y/N was going to wear to the party, and they had gotten Blaise’s bowtie accordingly)

She adjusted the tie, her eyes stuck there, not catching the way Blaise’s eyes raked over her, feeling his cheeks heat at how close in proximity they were. He still couldn’t believe just how beautiful she was, how amazing she was. The woman that he had loved for years and years, and in that moment, he knew what he was going to do.

The party so far had been awesome. Everyone was excited, the younger years joining in towards the end when the older years were drunk off Firewhiskey and didn’t care that they were there. Thankfully, most of them were responsible enough to stick to the Butterbeer instead of taking advantage of the fact that the older years weren’t going to stop them drinking Firewhiskey.

Unfortunately, even though most younger years were responsible enough, there were a few that either didn’t care, or just were dumb enough to take a swig.

Y/N caught two third years trying to down an entire bottle before watching the first one splutter it out into the bowl of punch that had been laid out with the other continued to drink it. She quickly ran over and snatched it from him, immediately scolding him.

“If you even dare look at the Firewhiskey again I’ll be sure to report you to Snape, and trust me, he will not hear a word about anyone else drinking,” she said sternly.

Right as she was about continue her scolding, she noticed the way the boy’s face had turned slightly green, and saw the uneasy look on his face. Y/N quickly reached for the chip bowl that was (thankfully) empty, and shoved it in his arms, turning away to find Daphne or Pansy or anyone that she knew to get away from the retching boy.

There were too many people in the Slytherin common room, causing Y/N to not be able to find any of her friends. Feeling the disappointment bubble in her chest, she decided to just go back up to her dorm.

“So much for that New Years kiss,” she muttered under her breath.

Blaise noticed her walking up the stairs at that very moment, and realizing that the new year was just a few minutes away, immediately stood up off the couch that he had been sitting on and began rushing towards the girls’ dorms.

Rushing up the stairs, he heard the sound of everyone beginning the countdown.

Ten…

Y/N flopped down on her bed, pulling her earrings off and throwing them in the jewelry box that she had stashed under her bed, letting out a sigh.

Nine…

Blaise’s feet couldn’t have been moving faster in that moment, but he had to stop after realizing he had no idea where Y/N’s dorm was, considering he had never been up here.

Eight…

At this point Y/N had heard the countdown going on downstairs, and thoughts of Blaise chugging a Firewhiskey and counting down with everyone else filled her mind, her fists clenching at her sides as she began pulling off her heels that had become increasingly uncomfortable.

Seven…

Six…

Five…

Blaise had singled it out to two dorms, and peeked his head in one, realizing that it was empty. He peeked through the second one and saw Y/N combing through her hair with her fingers, a melancholy look on her face.

Four…

“Y/N!”

“Blaise?”

Three…

Blaise crossed the room quickly, stopping in front of Y/N after realizing what was happening, what he was about to do.

Two…

“Blaise, what’s going on? Are you okay?”

One…

Throwing all other thoughts out the window, Blaise grabbed Y/N by the hands, pulled her up, and crashed their lips together right as everyone downstairs in the common room yelled “HAPPY NEW YEAR!”

Y/N wrapped her arms around Blaise’s neck before pulling away, resting their foreheads together.

“Happy New Year, Blaise,” Y/N whispered, a smile plastering both of their lips.

“Happy New Year,” Blaise responded.

They stayed like that for a few minutes, both of them holding the other close, not wanting to let go.

Pretty soon, the four downstairs realized that Y/N and Blaise had disappeared.

“Let’s hope something actually happened,” Pansy grumbled as her and Daphne went to go search their dorm while Theo and Draco went to search theirs. “Because if they didn’t, I swear I’m going to just lock them in a closet,”

“I said that the other day!” Daphne exclaimed with a smile.

“Oh no way!”

They quieted down as they approached their dorm, hearing hushed whispers emerging from the room. They could decipher Blaise and Y/N’s voices, but couldn’t hear what they were saying.

When Pansy had finally had enough, she walked right up to the door and pushed it open a crack, pressing her ear against the crack to listen.

But the voices had ceased. Pansy was left listening to nothing but pure silence for a few seconds, before she got impatient and pushed the door open.

She was shocked by what she saw, to put it lightly.

There was Y/N and Blaise, clutching each other as though they’d never see the other again, their lips pressed together eagerly. They’d been so caught up in the moment that they hadn’t even heard the door open.

“DAPH IT HAPPENED!” Pansy yelled in excitement, causing Y/N and Blaise to pull away from each other.

Daphne rushed in, a large smile on her face noticing how close Blaise and Y/N were. “Finally, you two! Pansy and I thought we’d have to lock you in a closet until you opened your mouths,”

Both Blaise and Y/N’s cheeks were covered in a light pink dusting, but there was a hint of a proud smile on Blaise’s face. Truthfully he had gone in there wanting to kiss her like he did, which he had, but he doubted his courage to actually do it. The fact that he had worked up enough courage to kiss her made him want to do it again.

Pretty soon they were being taken back downstairs, the smug smiles on Pansy and Daphne’s faces telling Draco and Theo everything they needed to know.

“So I take it everything went well then?” Theo asked, a brow quirked in interest.

“Yup,” Daphne replied. “Happy New Year everyone!”

Y/N and Blaise exchanged looks, moving a tad bit closer together. Blaise leaned down near Y/N’s ear and whispered, “Happy New Year, Y/N/N,”

***

A/N: Okay, I know this sucked, and I’m sorry. The next one will be better (I hope) and I’m sorry it’s so long! I just got excited and I love Blaise and… yeah, I don’t know. Thanks for reading if you did!

#blaise zabini #blaise #slytherin gang #daphne greengrass #pansy parkinson #draco malfoy #theodore nott #reader insert #y/n #this sucked im so sorry #harry potter #harry potter fanfiction

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gg-astrology · 4 years

Note

hellooo, can you rank bangtan from the most serious\strict to the softest? not under particular circumstances, but more as a fundamental trait? like yoongi has a set of principles and rules he follows, but deep down he's quite soft. and someone like seokjin is quite the opposite, he seems like a clown in the streets and daddy in the sheets kind of person? he has that kind of seriousness you rarely see. sometimes hobi and joon are like that. do you think any particular sign combos may cause this?

Hey there!! 💓❤️💓 Oh my god this is very interesting, thank you for dropping by, anon!! 💓❤️💓I showed this to a friend and she said ‘tell anon I got very excited over the hannah montana but seokjin agenda’ (quote word for word)

I have an idea for how to do this - diving up to their dispositions. Here’s a post about final dispositions and chart rulers if you’re interested 💓❤️💓 My reasoning for this is that : 1. There’s always the option of going through their placements one by one and considering their aspects as well. Which is essentially reading their chart and I already kinda do that. 2. Underneath the placements there’s a line of command we haven’t expanded on or explain yet - so to give insights and exploration to those subjects, I figured this might be a good branch to break into. I hope you enjoy! 💓❤️💓

BTS Final Dispositions ⬇️

Jin

I did this before, Jin’s sole disposition is his Aquarius Saturn. It was in this ask I think (the ask is about another thing) – but I wrote about it so you can check it out! 💓❤️💓If i were to say how strict is he – strict is pretty ambiguous – by essence Saturnians are considered quite ‘strict’ by others, so Aquarius Saturn could fall into that definition? Not to mention - he does have a Sagittarius Sun, Aries Moon, Scorpio Mercury, Capricorn Venus and Cancer Mars –leading down/lying underneath is that Aquarius Saturn. That’s 3 out of 4 cardinal palcements - especially in his Moon, Venus and Mars. If something is bothering him, he won’t stand for it. Even if at first it was Personally Bothersome to him (evoke personal emotions) - the way he handles/regards it may be that underlying Aquarius Saturn - with sense, logic and realistic explanation of why and what it could be done better, why it was wrong, or what he doesn’t agree with. Debatable, regardless - we’re looking at depositors only in this answer!!! Let’s not make this any harder for me to do!!

Aquarius Saturn doesn’t always mean they’re a stickler for everything, especially if it doesn’t have the flare or good reason to be so. Especially especially if it’s hinderance, or detriment to it’s purpose or the conclusion of the subject.

The purpose should be efficient, easy and fun. If it can’t be any of the three (what a bore) – then that’s fine as long as it’s not making the work harder than it needs to be.

Selectiveness in what is allowed and what is not can be personal – it may be a personal taste, but looking out for others and setting things on the right path. In a way it doesn’t have to be favored or liked by others - it doesn’t need ‘popular’ votes to win by the public– as long as it’s right, done and is right – as long as it will stand in it’s way (structure, concept, legacy) it’s fine if the precedence isn’t immediately popular.

Or if other people doesn’t swarm to them like bees to honey (mild disgust at the mention of over-crowded or overly positive influence– highly sus bc it’s without reason, again!) – just as long as it’s truly believed to be the right thing by the person themselves.

Being true to themselves, I guess, is the bigger purpose. And if that requires being strict as a means to it’s goals – then so be it? The ‘seriousness’ part is sort of it’s nature – if you don’t take anything seriously, then what’s the purpose or meaning in doing something that doesn’t consider it’s consequences?

It’s innate nature is in consideration – assessing and knowing the opposite (i.e. why something is bad) and thus giving a purpose to the process and the method of working to remedy that (contributing to the conclusion/success of what is set out to do) – success is only imminent as long as you have belief/purpose, and you’re a fixed sign. You have the weapon (your action) and you dictate what you do

Anyways, this is long winded but I hope it makes sense! 💓❤️💓

Yoongi

Pisces Sun -> Libra Jupiter -> Aries Venus -> Cancer Mars -> Virgo Moon -> Pisces Mercury -> Libra Jupiter -> Aries Venus -> Cancer Mars -> Virgo Moon -> Pisces Mercury (loop: Virgo Moon -> Pisces Mercury -> Libra Jupiter -> Aries Venus -> Cancer Mars )Virgo Moon -> Pisces Mercury -> Libra Jupiter -> Aries Venus -> Cancer Mars -> Virgo Moon -> Pisces Mercury -> Libra Jupiter (loop: Virgo Moon -> Pisces Mercury -> Libra Jupiter -> Aries Venus -> Cancer Mars )

Pisces Mercury -> Libra Jupiter -> Aries Venus -> Cancer Mars -> Virgo Moon -> Pisces Mercury -> Libra Jupiter (loop: Virgo Moon -> Pisces Mercury -> Libra Jupiter -> Aries Venus -> Cancer Mars )

Aries Venus -> Cancer Mars -> Virgo Moon -> Pisces Mercury -> Libra Jupiter -> Aries Venus (loop: Virgo Moon -> Pisces Mercury -> Libra Jupiter -> Aries Venus -> Cancer Mars )Cancer Mars -> Virgo Moon -> Pisces Mercury -> Libra Jupiter -> Aries Venus -> Cancer Mars (loop: Virgo Moon -> Pisces Mercury -> Libra Jupiter -> Aries Venus -> Cancer Mars )Libra Jupiter -> Aries Venus -> Cancer Mars -> Virgo Moon -> Pisces Mercury -> Libra Jupiter (loop: Virgo Moon -> Pisces Mercury -> Libra Jupiter -> Aries Venus -> Cancer Mars )Aquarius Saturn Final Depositors:

Loop: Virgo Moon -> Pisces Mercury -> Libra Jupiter -> Aries Venus -> Cancer Mars

Aquarius Saturn

ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS HOW JIN’S FINAL DISPOSITOR LEAD STRAIGHT TOWARDS AQUARIUS SATURN AND YOONGI.. WITH THE SAME AQUARIUS SATURN… OUT HERE AVOIDING IT AT ALL COSTSometimes it be like that but I find this super funny - logically its bc he has no Capricorn/Aquarius besides this one – but the rest of him are made of Jupiterian signs and then Mars/Mercury/Venus/Moon and he’s just– swerving it with all his might Concerning that Virgo Moon, Pisces Mercury, Libra Jupiter, Aries Venus and Cancer Mars loop – that’s pretty bomb, to have 5 planets like that all in a loop not to mention 4/5 being personal planets.

If anything, just by these dispositions I’d consider him to be Not as Strict As We Think He Is, but rather from the self -> outwards. Like if bothers him personally that’s a no-no, but if it bothers anybody else– depending on that Libra Jupiter’s righteous justice (being fair/balance) he may or may not intervene. Personal justice > Righteous justice. You don’t have to do everything for everyone - although he is a Pisces - but you should handle things that affects you, as a person/unit, and uphold your own identity/self so that you are a functioning member of society and is taking responsibility for yourself.

The bigger picture like a community problem or a national problem– that can come when you’re on the path. For now, do things as you can do, and be your best so that no one else is bothered by your personal self.

I guess that’s kind of like taking personal responsibility for themselves? Is that considered ‘strict with yourself’ in a way? It does seem more like it is, but also it’s not - if being strict is considered a chore, then perhaps this isn’t. But if it’s something like self-discipline or someone who functions best organizing themselves and their internal function - then you can see someone who’s like that as being ‘stricter with themselves’.

In the way he cares about others (cough taking care of others) wanting to look out for them by teaching/asking them to take personal responsibilities and take care of themselves as well. That’s the most efficient way of making due with Pisces wanting to help others- but the most optimal way he could offer any help is by helping himself as well (so he functions best and then he can begin to help others).

Things that bothers him are things that would bother himself if he were to have/do it (inconveniences in his personal habit/life) – mostly, as long as its not messy and intruding on other’s personal space/life (i.e. him being intruded on) – it’s probably alright.

I don’t know whether you’d consider this ‘soft’ or ‘serious/strict’? I’d say it’s quite soft in a sense – not in the same way as Seokjin who is soft bc he can just laugh it off/genuinely let it slide over his shoulders – but soft in a way that’s contentment. When it comes down to it, it’s just personal wants/needs. What he wants he gets, and if yoongi doesn’t want it then it’s fine, leave it alone. It doesn’t bother anyone, it’s his personal choice - why force or intrude things on him if he doesn’t want it? He’s living well, taking responsibilities for himself and his personal life anyways. That’s how it be sometimes!

Joon

Virgo Sun -> Libra Mercury -> Scorpio Venus -> Cancer Mars -> Sagittarius Moon -> Scorpio Jupiter -> Cancer Mars -> Sagittarius Moon -> Scorpio Jupiter -> Cancer Mars -> Sagittarius Moon (loop: Cancer Mars -> Sagittarius Moon -> Scorpio Jupiter)

Sagittarius Moon -> Scorpio Jupiter -> Cancer Mars -> Sagittarius Moon(loop: Cancer Mars -> Sagittarius Moon -> Scorpio Jupiter)Libra Mercury -> Scorpio Venus -> Cancer Mars -> Sagittarius Moon -> Scorpio Jupiter -> Cancer Mars (loop: Cancer Mars -> Sagittarius Moon -> Scorpio Jupiter)

Scorpio Venus -> Cancer Mars -> Sagittarius Moon -> Scorpio Jupiter -> Cancer Mars (loop: Cancer Mars -> Sagittarius Moon -> Scorpio Jupiter)Cancer Mars -> Sagittarius Moon -> Scorpio Jupiter -> Cancer Mars (loop: Cancer Mars -> Sagittarius Moon -> Scorpio Jupiter)Scorpio Jupiter -> Cancer Mars -> Sagittarius Moon -> Scorpio Jupiter (loop: Cancer Mars -> Sagittarius Moon -> Scorpio Jupiter)

Pisces Saturn -> Scorpio Jupiter -> Cancer Mars -> Sagittarius Moon -> Scorpio Jupiter (loop: Cancer Mars -> Sagittarius Moon -> Scorpio Jupiter)

Here we go, we have a loop of Cancer Mars, Sagittarius moon and Scorpio Jupiter – especially with that Cancer Mars trine to Scorpio Jupiter and Pisces Saturn actually – that’s a lot of watery energy from Namjoon, with his big ass water grand trine and 2 of those waters being the big dispositions in his chart.

I’d consider him to be quite open minded - that Sagittarius Moon squaring his Virgo Sun and Pisces Saturn, the way I imagine it visually is just his Sagittarius Moon making a face of disgust at Virgo sun’s perfect safe choice/statement, and Pisces Saturn’s relatively comfortable/safe placating attitude. Offering or expressing a different ‘im a cool mum’ opinion (out of spite and to be petty) is still being open-minded, you reap what you sole in the end after all!

It’s not like he can’t handle following through – with that Cancer Mars and Scorpio Jupiter he would eventually follow through, and supposedly find something worth while in it (spiritually, personal focus) for himself anyways.

If anything– this Cancer Mars, Sagittarius Moon and Scorpio Jupiter loop makes me think of him as a detective. Running to get the forensics done, doing all the research, exposing the truth - helping those who are affected as well as passionately rallying to the crowd in order to evoke their emotional response not to let this slide again ( ‘we as a community..’ ) – would you consider that strict or serious? Or soft-hearted in the way he would protect and help those out there with his own purpose/actions.

Do you consider that Cancer Mars as part of a reason for his softness? Or do you think there’s a purpose and rightful seriousness in all of that? Does he take responsibilities for everything, everyone - or is he just someone who feels the consequence of someone’s actions/communal consequence affecting him personally - then decided to do something that he can do about it?

The imagery above might be weird/coming out of nowhere – my friend put it better by saying ‘he’s like 0 to 100′ which I find is quite true. If it doesn’t bother him then it doesn’t bother him (maybe with grudging mild complaints). But as soon as something hits the fan or he is affected by it – by Gods don’t think you’ll be getting out of it without hearing an earful of what your responsibilities was or what the consequences are. Scorpio Jupiter honestly hits different when it comes to vengeful righteousness - do not even think about escaping your actions/how you hurt someone - rightful actions will come your way – whether its verbally or non-verbal, cold shoulders or whatever it is that is the ‘right’ amount of ‘appropriate’ consequence.

Anyways - this sounds foreboding but I don’t think its bad at all! I hope you don’t think so either. If anything, Cancer Mars Sagittarius Moon as part of the final depositor really dresses him well – the Namjoon we know certainly put these to use. You can’t spell his Libra Mercury without talking about this loop nowadays! Let’s update our bangtan astro knowledge and refer to these underlying parts as well! Its fun! And subconsciously savvy as hell to refer to them sometimes!

Hobi

Aquarius Sun -> Pisces Saturn -> Scorpio Jupiter -> Aquarius Mars -> Pisces Saturn -> Scorpio Jupiter -> Aquarius Mars (loop: Aquarius Mars -> Pisces Saturn -> Scorpio Jupiter) Taurus Moon -> Pisces Venus -> Scorpio Jupiter -> Aquarius Mars -> Pisces Saturn (loop: Aquarius Mars -> Pisces Saturn -> Scorpio Jupiter)Pisces Mercury -> Scorpio Jupiter -> Aquarius Mars -> Pisces Saturn (loop: Aquarius Mars -> Pisces Saturn -> Scorpio Jupiter)Pisces Venus -> Scorpio Jupiter -> Aquarius Mars -> Pisces Saturn (loop: Aquarius Mars -> Pisces Saturn -> Scorpio Jupiter)Aquarius Mars -> Pisces Saturn -> Scorpio Jupiter -> Aquarius Mars (loop: Aquarius Mars -> Pisces Saturn -> Scorpio Jupiter) Scorpio Jupiter Aquarius Mars -> Pisces Saturn (loop: Aquarius Mars -> Pisces Saturn -> Scorpio Jupiter)Pisces Saturn -> Scorpio Jupiter -> Aquarius Mars (loop: Aquarius Mars -> Pisces Saturn -> Scorpio Jupiter)

Hobi offers a refreshing contrast to the 3 hyung-lines above! If Jin is considered to be the ‘no care, let it slide if it doesn’t apply’ and Yoongi Joon is considered the ‘Personal Vendetta, Will Be Punished’ – then Hobi with his Aquarius Mars, Pisces Saturn and Scorpio Jupiter loop is considered the ‘ 🤚 [pause the music] what did you say to me? u wanna go again?’

Im joking!! But really it’s because we have Pisces Saturn and Scorpio Jupiter and Aquarius Mars - how can I not? If the others so far have not cared more for societal justice (rather, how they as an individual are affected/came from a personal place or in jins case, impersonal place, about it) – Hobi’s the one who will put you in your place because of societal justice, literally for everyone’s rights.

We’ve talked about purpose alot for the above, so we might as well continue with how it is. The purpose here is from others, its what we see and what we’ve considered. If others are morally grey in a sense - Hobi’s the lawful (or maybe chaotic) good kind of sense. This does not mean he can’t be diabolical or scheme up mischievous ideas by any means (there’s still the rest of his chart) – but considering the above – most likely he has a good grasps on what’s acceptable and what’s ‘going too far’

In a sense, he keeps a lid on it. If things are going way awry or eschew – he draws it back and keep it in line. There’s freedom of course! You can choose to do whatever you do (Pisces, Aquarius) – just as long as it isn’t so unreasonable or out of whack that it screws up the entire team dynamic or production time. Serious situation should be considered with seriousness - not thoughtlessness, and personal – as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone or intrude on personal rights/freedom - its fine.

Pisces Saturn in all of this - I’d consider it to make him thoughtful, in a way that others may be open-minded. Emotionally, Hobi is also pretty open-minded in a way he’s willing to sit down, consider and listen. He might not have an answer to everything immediately (cough joon) or know the right path or conclusion (cough jin) but he can listen and he can give it a try (’thats whats right/right thing to do’).

If anything, to hear someone else’s out. Consider just sitting down to hear someone out, or just to hear their out their stories - it may be a bore to you or take a bit of your time when you could be doing something else (and is emotionally capable of it) - but if it helps alleviate the person’s pain by just having a helpful ear for a little bit - if the outcome is that they’re less stress than they’ve been all week – perhaps the pros outweighs the cons, and its a job well done today.

You don’t have to have a Libra or Sagittarius in your chart to be righteous, you can be righteous without it - and still care about others. What matters is that you do your best, use your intuition and strength, do the right things when the time is right - and consider your best asset to be yourself. You’re your own best asset.

It doesn’t matter if you hesitate or take some time to consider somethings - just as long as your heart is right and it is talking, he’s someone who would stand up when he knows, and someone who waits when he doesn’t. And isn’t that a good trait to have, when you’re just looking for a chance to be heard and be judged fairly by others?

Jimin

Libra Sun -> Scorpio Venus -> Scorpio MarsGemini Moon -> Libra Mercury -> Scorpio Venus -> Scorpio MarsLibra Mercury -> Scorpio Venus -> Scorpio MarsScorpio Venus -> Scorpio MarsScorpio MarsSagittarius JupiterPisces Saturn -> Sagittarius Jupiter

Final Depositors:

Scorpio Mars

Sagittarius Jupiter

Giggled a little doing this, because that’s a lot of Martian energy as the final depositor to his personal placements. If anything, considering how tactile he is and how well he expresses with his body – I’d say this is a very good thing!

Jimin is quite thoughtful in the way he acts - not just towards others but to himself and his potential. Scorpio often gets misunderstood, and it makes me a little sad bc it does well in Mars. Actions should be thoughtful, especially if it has potential to be used well.

If you plan it right, or work it right - there’s so much ability to go far with it and attempt the impossible if you can submerge with this side of you. If anything, genuinity and seriousness is expressed through actions and belief. Maybe not so much the thought of it - as much as the ability to guide, observe and express what the words/mouth couldn’t say.

Even when you’re saying it- there’s so much lost in just verbal explanation, that other means of expressing something is often better, using more senses, and is logical in a way that words cannot portray alone.

I don’t know about strictness - not so much as strict as it is to do things right and keep doing it the way it is. But seriousness can be considered thoughtfulness and consideration, right? And if so, there’s unlimited potential there to where he could take it - and that’s quite good isn’t it? Not to mention belief - its important to believe in others, believe in someone else and believe in yourself. That gets you far in life if you’re willing to trust your guts and instinct, not to mention reach out for guidance and be a part of society. You can’t disregard his Libra as well - even if underlying beneath is that Scorpio Mars. How else do Venusian walk strongly if they don’t have the basics to fall back on? Park Jimin is very good, and I stand by it.

Taehyung

Capricorn Sun -> Pisces Saturn -> Sagittarius JupiterAries Moon -> Capricorn Mars -> Pisces Saturn -> Sagittarius JupiterCapricorn Mercury -> Pisces Saturn -> Sagittarius JupiterAquarius Venus -> (*trad. rulership) Pisces Saturn -> Sagittarius JupiterCapricorn Mars -> Pisces Saturn -> Sagittarius JupiterSagittarius Jupiter Pisces Saturn -> Sagittarius Jupiter

This is really nice to look at because see how Jimin and Taehyung has very different final depositor despite having Sagittarius Jupiter (Tae’s final and sole depositor) – Jimin who has Scorpio Mars ends up having ALL of his personal planets coming back round to Scorpio Mars. Whilst Tae ends up having all of his leading to Pisces Saturn and then Sagittarius Jupiter (final depositor is Sagittarius Jupiter)

Side-tracking here.. but the amount of times he has Pisces Saturn leading to Sagittarius Jupiter.. no wonder he comes across as open-minded and very soft??

Imagine being a Capricorn with Saturn in Pisces, yes all the Capricorn energy is still there – but underneath it all it’s still lead by this ability to be thoughtful and personal to others besides yourself (consider them as you consider yourself) - just as long as it’s not being self-sacrificial, isn’t it nice to tender the Capricorn seeking a sense of novelty and enhancing their imagination?

If anything, this just reminds me of how he’s really good at imagining scenarios and doing dialogues/scenes from movie, acting it out and how to express himself in different ways. Seojoon (his friend) has a Pisces Moon - I wrote about him earlier, but I think this Pisces Saturn really gives in an edge in working creatively especially in world-building and imagining scenes or atmospheric qualities to his stages he could bring.

Sagittarius Jupiter is a fantastic sole depositor to have to that - if he’s constantly looking to expand his shape and horizon, across to other medias or topics, subjects or offers. Keeping in mind that it could be go anywhere – from music to paintings to games – anywhere he touches, there’s a need to discover, be good and indulge/involve himself in them. Which is great because he’s constantly learning and growing with his subject, as well as a person!

I do think we focus alot on this Sagittarius Jupiter - which is reasonable considering he does have it as his final depositor. In contrast, Jimin’s Scorpio Venus is always in the spotlight when we could be looking at his Scorpio Mars instead. Just a thinking!

Jungkook

Virgo Sun -> Virgo mercuryLeo moon -> Virgo Sun -> Virgo MercuryVirgo Mercury Libra Venus Scorpio MarsAquarius Jupiter -> Aries Saturn -> Scorpio MarsAries Saturn -> Scorpio Mars

Final Depositors

Virgo Mercury (Sun,Mercury, Moon)

Scorpio Mars (Mars,Jupiter, Saturn)

Libra Venus

Wowee Jungkookie!! A consideration for the audience: let’s talk more about his Virgo Mercury and Scorpio Mars than his Libra Venus this time. Considering he has his luminaries leaning into his Virgo Mercury – how can anyone simply just overlook how smart he is?? Not to mention how thoughtful he could be, and his sensitivity to others as well!

I wouldn’t call it sentimentality exactly, but he does have a Goal™️ and Purpose™️. That’s on capital because it’s underlined and a Header in this case. As long as there’s a Goal he must achieve, he’ll work hard to achieve it (Virgo, Scorpio - the head wants and the hand makes) – the only thing that might get in his way is Distraction and stagnancy, losing interest.

It’s hard to find something that doesn’t become a want/wish he want to do but can’t fulfill (i.e. piano lessons, etc.) - but maybe it does happen when it doesn’t have a Goal or Purpose anymore. Kinda like levelling up - if you’re at a certain level and there’s no goal in sight (to the next level) - you dwaddle because you don’t know when you’ll reach it and move forward again.

Regardless, this is actually really sweet. Not only is he thoughtful, he’s also quite discerning and minds his business (to the most part). I say this in a way that means he has a Goal, and anyone who tries to piggyback on his effort or hinder those goals gets swerved like he’s playing rugby.

He’s smart when it comes to others (rip jk scandal 2k19) but we all learn through our experiences after all. The more we fight or experience things in our life, the better our discernment is - I hope he still believe in his positive assets, trust himself because he’s still very smart, and very good at what he does/his nature, regardless.

Strictest Person in Bangtan?

Hobi - not only does he have a holy loop of Aquarius Mars, Pisces Saturn and Scorpio Jupiter, but he’s also a fixed/fixed (Aquarius/Taurus) and fixed Mars squaring Moon and Jupiter agenda. Just as much as he is soft and willing to be open-minded/listen and understanding (Pisces) he’s also uncompromising when it comes to what is Right and what is Out of Line.

If we’re going by the strictest sense of objective justice/right - it’s Hobi. Not to mention if we’re talking about seriousness - in terms of whether he takes this strictness seriously - he does. He absolutely does draw the line when it needs to be drawn, and where exactly as well. It’s not as emotional or self-dictated as it is something that should be done, and stepping up to the plate is a decency thing everyone should do.

Jin - to be honest, having an Aquarius Saturn does not always mean that he has to be a stickler for rules - actually it may just be the total opposite of ‘F*CK the Agenda, if the agenda is fundamentally morally or ethically detrimental and hinders overall progress’ – the safe path is always appreciated of course (Saturn) but why play it safe if the consequence of that is compromising/promising yourself to be held against your personal freedom of choice/opportunities?

Not to mention why be safe when you can cause couple of mischief? That has minor/little overall consequence in the long-term otherwise? Life is not fun if you don’t cause minor panic and a little reaction out of others after all (Sag/Aries)

I do think that because he does have all that cardinal up in his chart - he is the type to get upset/bothered if someone pushes too much. There has to be line somewhere - and personal infringement really tests cardinal patience. I do think that because underneath it all is that Aquarius Saturn - he does reason with it, logic it out and rationale everything even if he is put out by it. He’s reasonable if you make the right choice, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that he is put upon if you wreck up his vibe.

The rest of them: ambiguous, in a way they are strict and serious. But in a way that’s all slightly different. I’ll go through them for you:

Yoongi and JK are quite similar, and in a way, Namjoon as well - you mind your business, trying to do your best so you can achieve your goals and other goals – but if someone tries to ruin all that hard work/it affects you personally - you have to take a stand against it/confront it somehow.

Best way to go about it is like Yoongi and Namjoon - do what you can, with what you can do.

Between Jimin and Tae - it’s a little different and I dont know if i can explain it well. But if we’re talking about Scorpio and Capricorn - Capricorn would be the more self-expressive choice in coming across as stricter in a sense, even when they aren’t. I think Jimin in a way, knows and has a reasoning/purpose behind when or why something needs to be strict to make it work, there’s an understanding that the opposite - leniency and kindness is the natural choice and opportunity to teach and help/make someone grow. Thus, when it comes down to strictness - its an option only when it’s a choice. There are other things that are more efficient and important - such as what’s needed, what’s good and what would help certain things flourish better. This is still about Scorpio Mars btw, but tying in the Libra placements that runs above the soil of Scorpio Mars as well.

With Taehyung it’s hard to explain - because you can say he is strict, but for what reasons? It’s kind of natural to come across as stern/strict even if you aren’t like that- nurture does dictate certain things are better when it’s aligned or in order. But I do think - because of his Sagittarius Jupiter/Pisces Saturn - once he’s learnt that certain things in certain context are better when it’s approached differently - he adapts as he goes. And that’s good to have as well!

Seriousness between the two of them - Taehyung may consider it to be important to have, because it talks about genuinity and respect, taking someone seriously is a form of consideration. Jimin takes his kindness seriously, because without it - how could he learn to be kind? If you take kindness for granted, then it leads to losing it’s purpose, bad stuff tends to happen, you get taken advantage of. Instead, consider kindness one of their (jimin and bangtan) greatest trait.

But anyways! Thank you anon for asking!! I hope this is a satisfactory answer to your question!!! 💕❤️ Please come back and let me know what u think, and if i’ve fulfilled ur request!! 💕❤️

#bts asks #bts astrology #bangtan astrology #idol asks #kpop astrology #final depositors #astrology asks #anon #asks

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angryinternetduck · 4 years

Text

Canyon Moon

3.2k words on a girl with a yellow guitar, a rabbit named Rabbit, and dreams of Switzerland. Harry Styles is still thinking back to the time under the canyon moon. Warnings: little teeny tiny bit of bad language if you squint.

In 2014, Harry Styles wrote a song. It was called Olivia. A bit on the nose, but she didn’t seem to mind. He sang it with his boy band. They liked it. It was a good song. He’d based it on a night he’d had in Arizona, in the United States, a few years before. It was after a small show he’d done with the boys, in Flagstaff. It was, unsurprisingly, with a girl named Olivia.

**********

She opened the show for them.

Kind of.

She was absolutely radiant - wonderful stage presence - with a sparkling smile and a musical laugh. Her guitar was yellow, and it had a little flower in the corner. She was lovely, with dirty blonde hair and green eyes.

They hadn’t talked much before the show, but she’d sent him a smile - that wasn’t even just to him; it’d been to the entire band, really - that had sent butterflies to his stomach and a shiver down his spine.

Which hadn’t exactly helped his pre-show jitters.

But, as always, everything had faded away onstage, and he hadn’t given it much thought until she’d been lounging around backstage afterwards and Louis was sleeping and Niall was in the loo and Liam and Zayn were doing God knows what and Harry was left on the sofa with empty air and a pretty girl.

So, naturally, with all his humour and slick confidence and smooth moves, he said, “Good show.” And she looked up, and she said, “Thanks. You too.” And then there was empty air again, and Harry was almost awkward, but then she stuck out her hand - her nails were painted yellow with little smilies on them - and said, “I’m Olivia.”

And Harry smiled, and he shook her hand, and he said, “Pleasure, Olivia. I’m Harry.”

“Well, Harry,” Olivia said, “any idea where we can get some food around here?”

Harry shook his head.

“Come with me then.” She winked. “We can go on an adventure.”

Harry grinned and followed her up to a counter with bowls set out, filled with various candies and nuts. There were two, side by side, filled with little, circular colored candies. “Skittles or M&Ms?” Harry asked.

“Hmmm…” She glanced from one bowl to the other and slid both of them closer to Harry. “I’m not a fan of M&MS,” she said, and Harry gasped dramatically, and she giggled. “Not a fan of milk chocolate. Skittles are fine, though.”

“Wow. Not a fan of M&MS. Not sure if we can be friends after that, Olivia.”

She pouted. “That’s a problem, because I think I need you to be my taste tester.”

“Taste tester, eh?” He sighed. “Well, I guess I can do that…” He picked one up and inspected it. It had a little M on it. It was an M&M. He tasted it anyway. “M&M,” he said, and he slid the bowl towards him. “Don’t worry,” he told the bowl. “I’ll protect you from the evil haters.”

Olivia laughed, and Harry had the sudden notion that her laugh sounded like music, and she said, “Why, thank you,” and slid the Skittles closer to her. “Don’t worry,” she said to the bowl, mocking Harry. “I’ll protect you from the evil milk chocolate.”

Harry smiled and rolled his eyes, popping an M&M into his mouth.

“So,” Olivia sighed, grabbing a Skittle, “Where’re you guys from? Britain, I’m guessing?”

Harry nodded. “Yeah. ‘re you an Arizona native?”

“Mhm. Been here all my life…” She grinned. “Like it so far?”

“Yeah. ‘s big. ‘n flat.”

She laughed, putting up a warning finger. “Careful there, London. That’s my hometown you’re talking about.” Harry smiled, held his hands up. “My bad, my bad. Just… haven’t gotten a chance to… see it much.”

She nodded. “Right, right.” She smiled, putting on mock innocence. “Say, Harry, what’re you doing this evening?” Harry shrugged, grinning. “I dunno, I guess it depends. I was kinda hoping to see more of this Arizona place, but nobody’s exactly offered…” He tilted his head, mocking curiosity. “Say, Liv, know of anybody?”

Her eyebrows jumped. “Liv, huh? Might as well take me to dinner first…”

Harry smiled and cleared his throat. “Maybe I will. Know any good spots?”

She grinned. “I just might. In fact -” She faltered, her gaze flicking behind him, and Harry frowned, glancing around. Niall had, apparently, finished in the loo, and was sauntering up to them with a smug smile on his face.

“Hello, Harry,” Niall said cheerfully, throwing an arm around Harry’s shoulders.

“Hey, Ni. Er, this is… Olivia,” Harry said. “And Olivia, this is… Niall.” Olivia smiled. “Hey, there,” she said, and Niall grinned. “A pleasure, Olivia. But, er - you’re not stealing Harry here from us, are you?”

Harry rolled his eyes, but Olivia just smirked. “Rather I’d steal you, huh?”

Niall gave an incredulous scoff. “Well, well, well.” He glanced at Harry. “Sure know how to pick ‘em, dontcha, Harry?” Harry sighed, and Niall grinned and asked Olivia, “Where’re you off to, then?” Olivia smiled. “Ever been to the Grand Canyon?” she asked, and Harry’s brows jumped as Niall oohed.

“Haven’t, actually,” Niall said.

Olivia grabbed Harry’s hand and replied, “You should go sometime, Niall. Maybe Harry will tell you what it’s like,” and pulled Harry back towards the couch. “Are you guys actually doing anything?” she asked, grabbing her guitar.

Harry hesitated, glancing back at Niall, who was giving him a double thumbs up.

“Nah. Were you serious about the Grand Canyon?”

She grinned. “Absolutely.”

***

The next thing Harry knew, he was in a little Mini Cooper speeding off into the night.

The car was quite… peculiar, on first sight. That’s what Harry had said, anyway, only to be immediately chastened by Olivia, “She is not peculiar. She has character.” Olivia had forgiven Harry for the horrific insult only after profuse apologies and a sorrowful pat on the dashboard.

“She,” of course, meant the car. Her name was Carla. Olivia was very strict on that matter. She gave him a slap across the wrist every time he slipped and called her it.

Carla was blue. Originally. Olivia’s brother had given Carla to her when she turned sixteen, Olivia explained, but only after a DIY paint job that had turned her from a dull blue to a bright shade of yellow that had rapidly deteriorated into a faded mustard sort of color with cracks of blue peeking through the second paint job.

They’d gotten her previously used, too, which meant she was a bit rusty. They tried to fix that up, which worked just about as well as the paint job, and though Olivia insisted she ran just fine, her passenger side door creaked and groaned when opened. And, Olivia admitted a bit sheepishly, the door of her boot - her trunk - stuck dreadfully and took “herculean strength” to pry open.

Nonetheless, Carla’s radio worked perfectly well and was cranked up, Olivia’s phone plugged into the speakers, and Harry watched in mild amusement as she yelled along to the music. Strangely, he couldn’t seem to recognize any of the songs - it was old hippie stuff, songs Harry would mock if not for Olivia’s charm and fierce pride for her car which he reckoned she’d also have for her music.

The ride was quick, and she was pulling into a car park within an hour.

***

Apparently, Olivia’s dad was a park ranger. She just waved at the ranger on duty, and he let them in, and Harry followed her along the path, a bit in awe, as she walked towards a little outcropping.

“It’s beautiful,” Harry breathed, sitting next to her on the metal rung of the railing.

Olivia nodded. Pulled a beer out of her backpack, and offered it to him.

“Bloody hell,” Harry laughed, taking it from her and taking a sip. “Is this even legal?”

She shrugged, popping the cap off another bottle. “I dunno.”

She lapsed into silence, something that Harry hadn’t thought possible from her, and Harry breathed a sigh, glancing around them. He’d never thought the sky could be so blue. It wasn’t a normal light sky blue, though, but an indigo shade, almost, that was star splattered and covered in wisps of colored clouds. They were pretty high up, balanced on the railing between an outlook and a few rocky platforms before a bottomless pit.

The moon was bright in the sky, and Harry glanced at his watch, realizing he had no idea what time it was. 3:00 am. “Jesus Christ,” he murmured. “Hm?” Olivia hummed, looking over at him. “It’s three am,” Harry told her.

She grinned. Clinked her bottle against his. “Wonderful,” she said.

“I’m going to be absolutely dead tomorrow,” Harry mused, finding that he really couldn’t care less. He took another sip of beer, and Olivia heaved a sigh. “So, Harry Styles,” she said. “What are your hopes and dreams?”

“To be as cool as you,” he replied, and she laughed, leaning into him and away. “You’ve got to set some realistic goals, there, Mr. Styles.” Harry grinned, shaking his head. “‘s a tough question,” he said. “What’re yours?”

She shrugged, going serious. “To get out of here, I guess.”

“Why?”

Another shrug. “Ever heard of a successful person from Flagstaff, Arizona?”

Harry bit back a smile. “I’ve never even heard of Flagstaff, Arizona.”

She scoffed, mocking hurt, and said, “Well, not all of us can be from big cities, superstar.”

“I’m from Cheshire,” Harry told her. “Not exactly a big city.”

“Why aren’t you still in Cheshire, huh?”

“‘cause of a TV show.”

Olivia laughed. “Jesus Christ.”

“And I wanted to get out.”

She nodded. “There you have it.” A quick pause, and then, “Ever have a pet?”

Harry blinked, startled by the topic change. “Er - yeah. Yeah, a dog, and a hamster.”

“What’re their names?”

Harry blushed slightly. “Max.”

Olivia glanced at him, a brow raised. “And?” she prodded.

He looked at his beer. “Hamster,” he said.

She didn’t say anything, and Harry looked up.

“Please tell me your hamster was named Max,” she said, sounding deadly serious.

“What?”

“Harry Styles,” she said slowly, “if you named your hamster ‘Hamster,’ I think I might push you off this cliff.” Harry smiled sheepishly. “My dog’s name was Max,” he admitted, and she burst out laughing, tipping so far forward Harry winced and hovered a hand behind her shoulder.

“Christ, Liv, be careful,” he murmured.

“Oh my God,” she said, breathless from laughter. “I love you.”

Harry raised an eyebrow, smiling despite himself. “Movin’ a little fast there, hm?”

She grinned. “I have a confession.”

“Bloody hell, speed of light.”

“I named my rabbit ‘Rabbit’,” she said.

Harry laughed, shaking his head. “We’re meant for each other, Liv.”

“I know!” Another quick pause, and then, “Where’s the best place you’ve ever been?”

“Here,” Harry answered immediately, and then blushed, because it was true.

“Oh, please,” Olivia said, apparently not realizing he wasn’t joking. “Seriously. You’re a superstar, right? So, you’ve been, like, everywhere.” Harry shrugged. “I dunno. Where’s the best place you’ve been?”

“The Burrito Palace on Route 66, Styles,” she replied dryly. “I’ve never been out of the state.” Harry raised an eyebrow. “Where would you want to go?” he asked. “If you could go anywhere, completely free of all costs.”

“Switzerland.”

“Really?”

She shrugged. “I dunno. I like chocolate. And watches. And cold. It’s freakin’ hot here. I guess Paris,” she said, glancing at him with another shrug, “or London, or whatever, but London’s rainy and Paris… It’s so… It has such a reputation, you know? Like, I’m scared it’s not gonna live up to how amazing it is. Rather be impressed than disappointed, you know?”

Harry nodded. “Yeah. I get that.”

“Where would you want to go?” she asked.

Harry paused. “The Burrito Palace on Route 66.”

“Oh, fuck off,” Olivia said.

“No, really,” Harry said back, “I haven’t had a proper burrito in ages.”

“You’ve gotta come back,” she told him, smiling just slightly, “so we can go.”

“Or you can come to me,” Harry said, “and we can get burritos in Switzerland.” He paused, thinking, and then added, “You’ve got to open for us again, Liv. Really. Can you imagine? You can be our opening act over tour, get some steam, and go out on your own.” He grinned, nudging her. “Then I can open for you.”

She sighed. “Can you imagine,” she murmured.

There was a beat of silence, and she looked up at him again.

“Do you ever want to go solo?” she asked.

Harry shrugged. “Nah. Not really.” He frowned. “I mean, I guess, but not… now. I can’t, anyway - there’s a contract, obviously, but maybe when it’s over or summat.” Olivia nodded. “Right,” she murmured.

And then she spun around, slipping off the railing and onto the platform. “I forgot about this,” she said, pulling a blanket out of the backpack. She sat down on it, legs crossed, and Harry sat next to her.

“How often do you do this?” he asked.

Olivia shrugged. “Often.” She grinned, elbowing him lightly, and added, “Not often with such a handsome guy, though.” Harry raised an eyebrow. “Is that what you say to all the lads?” She laughed, shaking her head. “Swear to God, Styles, you’re the first.”

“Right, right.”

“How ‘bout you?” she asked after another beat of silence. “How often do you do this?”

Harry raised a brow. “What, how often do I go to the Grand Canyon? I live in -”

“No, no,” Olivia interrupted. “How often do you go out with pretty girls after shows?”

He grinned. “Never with one so humble.”

“Oh, fuck off,” Olivia laughed. “You know what I mean.”

Harry shrugged. “Pretty often. Never had as much fun as I am now, though.”

“Aww,” Olivia cooed. “You charmer.”

“That’s what they say.”

“Ever wish you weren’t famous?”

Harry nodded. “Yeah. ‘course. Grass is always greener, you know?”

“Are you one of those picket fence people?” she asked.

“Hm?”

“Are you one of those people who, like, wants to get a nice brick house in the suburbs with white picket fences and a perfect garden with a nice wife named Jenny and have exactly one fluffy golden retriever and approximately 2.5 kids?”

Harry laughed, shrugging slightly. “I don’t know… I think…” He sighed, fading off, and then thought, and repeated, “I don’t know. Not really. I think I’d get bored, you know?” Olivia nodded. “I know,” she said, and Harry got the feeling that she really did, in fact, know.

“How ‘bout you?” he asked.

She shrugged. “Maybe. But… you’re right - it’d get boring, wouldn’t it? So I guess… in, like, fifty years or something I might like the picket fences.” She sighed. “I just feel like the world… it loves to wait, you know? Like, the world’s happy waiting. It’s - what, 4 billion years old? It can spare the wait. But we - I - can’t. We don’t live that long, you know? And I feel like the picket fences are… well, waiting. It’s waiting for the world to come and get you. It’s waiting for the world to come and open your picket fence and knock on your wooden door and come and take you to your adventure.”

Harry felt himself smile. He forgot to answer, and she glanced at him, a bit of a blush on her cheeks. “Sorry,” she said. “I got carried away.” Harry’s brows jumped. “No! No, no, no, I completely agree. You’re - you’re so right.”

She grinned. “I know,” she said, and then she shifted, lying on her back to gaze at the sky. “Can you see stars in LA?” she asked quietly. Harry looked up, craning his neck, and then gave up and lay down next to her.

The stars were breathtaking. He could practically see constellations, stars dotting the sky like flowers in a field of indigo-blue grass. The air was almost still, just breezy enough to keep it from being too hot, the moon bright and bold in the sky.

It was one of those things he didn’t think he’d believe if he didn’t see it for himself. He’d have called any picture of the sky photoshopped, any description of the feeling he was experiencing exaggerated or completely made up.

But there he was.

“No,” he answered Olivia. “No, you can’t see stars like this in LA.”

“Maybe you should stay here, then,” Olivia whispered.

Harry felt her head on his shoulder.

“We can look at stars and never get bored together,” she said, and she yawned.

“Together,” Harry echoed softly, but Olivia was already asleep.

**********

Two weeks.

Two more weeks of shows, and One Direction would officially be on hiatus.

Harry stared at the ceiling of his hotel room, watching the ceiling fan spin round, and thought about what he’d do for the rest of his life. The sleepless nights had begun in Melbourne, and he’d carried the semi-heavy feeling through Paris and Rome and now here he was, still sleepless, in England.

He couldn’t stop thinking about Arizona.

More specifically, a conversation he’d had in Arizona, about the future and picket fences and 2.5 children and getting bored. He thought about buying a house. He thought about buying a restaurant. He thought about going to Switzerland and becoming a recluse and seeing nobody but his mum and sister for the rest of time.

He also thought about continuing his career. He thought about writing songs, about picking up the guitar, about touring the world but this time on his own. He thought about the instrumental band he’d need for such touring, and he thought about the members of said band and whether or not a certain Arizonian would consider touring the world “boring.” He wondered if he’d get to Switzerland on this grand tour of his.

Harry sighed and turned onto his side and tried to fall asleep.

It didn’t work.

Instead, a melody snuck into his head, and he got up and wrote a song.

**********

In 2015, Harry styles wrote a song. It was called Canyon Moon.

A bit on the nose, but only if you knew what you were looking for.

He didn’t sing it. Not yet. He saved it for an album he was working on.

He’d based it on a night he’d had in Arizona, in the United States, a few years before.

It was after a small show he’d done with the boys, in Flagstaff.

It was, unsurprisingly, about a magical night, spent under a canyon moon.

**********

la fin 💜

hope you liked it!!!!! if you liked it, a reblog and some feedback would be v much appreciated <3 thanks for reading!!!

if you want to read more about Olivia and Harry, click here!

and if you like what you see, you can find my masterlist here!

#i have... never been to arizona #much less the grand canyon #if you're from arizona #i'm so sorry #lmao pls forgive me #harry styles #harry styles fanfic #fanfiction #canyon moon #song!ifc #fine line #hs #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fic #harry styles one shot #harry styles x ofc #harry stylesxofc #harry styles drabble #fics

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lightwoodsmagic · 4 years

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I’m worried about Liam and his album and I didn’t know where to go but you always seem rational. I feel awful because there’s only a few songs I like and the album isn’t getting good reviews but Liam DESERVES good things, and then everything with ‘both ways’ happened. I’m so sad for him, but do you think he’ll be okay? I don’t want him to be cancelled, but the song was such a bad choice? His image in the eyes of the public seems ruined. Please tell me what you think :(

Hi anon,

Thank you for thinking of me, and for thinking that I’m rational. I know this has been sitting in my inbox for the better part of a day, but in order to be rational and approach this properly, I had to take some time to let myself play out all of my emotions.

I’m here now! And I think I’m ready. This post is long though, so I’ve popped it under the cut.

Before I start properly, there’s a few things I want to say first.

- I love Liam, an absolutely ridiculous amount. Liam’s music isn’t the usual genre I would listen to, but I will always support him and his music, and his fashion, and everything else he does.

- I am incredibly proud of him for finally being able to release his album.

- As anyone who follows me knows, I strongly believe Liam is queer, and closeted, and in a relationship with Zayn. Here’s a masterpost I made about it earlier this year.

- I’m realistic. Some things below may not be what people agree with, or wanna hear, but you asked for my opinion.

Okay. Here we go. I’ve divided it into sections to address your ask properly. I’m also aware that this is pretty late in terms of fandom, and I haven’t been on Tumblr, so people have no doubt said many of the things I’m about to say.

LP1

First thing: don’t feel bad for only liking a couple of songs on Liam’s new album. Everyone’s music taste is different and it is completely possible to love and support someone even if you don’t absolutely love their music. It does not make you a fake fan, or mean that you love Liam less, or anything like that. Please don’t worry about that. It’s okay not to love the album. Completely okay.

Also, YES. Liam does deserve good things, always.

You’re right; it hasn’t been getting great reviews, but even though I really enjoyed the album despite my musical preferences, some people are frustrated, and not just reviewers. People are frustrated that a third of it is collabs, that half of it is songs we’ve heard before (that weren’t just released as a lead up to the album), and that Liam seemed to hardly write on it. We’ve known for a while that something’s been up with Liam’s album, especially when last year he said he had a full album ready to go, and then suddenly it was like it was scrapped, and he had to start again.

We also know that Liam is a brilliant writer; he wrote so much for One Direction. So many people completely disregard this because Liam once said that he was more about the melodies, and Louis more the lyrics. Under no circumstances does that mean he does not, and did not, write great lyrics, or just good songs in general. That kind of thinking is also what leads to a lot of Liam’s erasure from Home, which is something I also touched on in the masterpost I linked above. It’s something that frustrates me a lot, when people forget about his writing ability. It doesn’t help though when he didn’t, or maybe wasn’t allowed to, write more on his own debut album.

Overall, in terms of his album in general, I’m exceptionally proud that it’s been released, and sad for him that it’s not getting great reviews. Reviews don’t always matter, though! The support for the album from other sources has been really brilliant, and I’m sure he was feeling the love (and still is, despite recent stuff that I’ll touch on now).

Both Ways

No matter how you look at the situation, no matter who you are or what you think of Liam, it is baffling to me that this song went through numerous people to be released, especially knowing that a large part of Liam’s fan base consists of young, queer women from his days in the band.

It should never have been a surprise that the reception was bad; the people who are upset about it are allowed to be upset, and their feelings are valid. In a world where bisexual and pansexual people are constantly fetishised, it’s a kick in the face for some people. I’m pan, and while personally I wasn’t overly offended by the song, I did cringe at a couple of bits, and I have no right to tell other people how they should or shouldn’t feel.

To me, there’s a couple of options as to what happened here:

- It was genuinely just a gross misjudgement on everyone’s behalf. People make mistakes. I hate cancel culture. At the moment, if this is the case and they all genuinely didn’t think it would be this bad, I’m not sure if Liam addressing it would be a good thing, or if it’d just make things worse. If he apologises, it’s going to seem disingenuous to a large number of people, but if he doesn’t, it’s like he doesn’t care at all about the people that’ve been hurt. It’s not a good place to be in.

- It was a purposeful song put into his album by his team to push his narrative. Liam’s in a shit spot at the moment. A very large majority of the media attention leading up to his album used negative promo, like his ‘relationship’ with M*ya and the fight at the bar during Thanksgiving. Aside from very recently, Liam’s team have been a nightmare, and it’s frustrating when people can’t see that he’s in a situation just as bad as some of the other men. Would I be surprised if this explanation is the correct one? Abso-fucking-lutely not. I’ll touch on it a bit more in the next bit though.

No matter what, the song was not a good decision, and was not going to go down well. Alllll of this leads onto…

How it affects Liam’s image

I’m separating this into three parts to explain it the way I think I need to; the part of the fandom who believes he’s queer and closeted, the part of the fandom who don’t, and the general public.

The part of the fandom that believe Liam is queer and closeted

Liam’s image hasn’t changed here. This whole thing has made this section of the fandom angry, frustrated, and sad. At a time when everyone should be able to just relax and enjoy Liam’s new album, we’re bombarded from all over the internet with people trying to cancel him. Angry because Liam is being absolutely attacked, especially at a time when he’s just spoken about how fragile his mental health is, and because there’s quite a few hypocrites around at the moment. Frustrated because there’s nothing that can really be done at this point, and when it comes to Liam, people never seem to care as much as they should. Sad because we love him so much and he deserves such good things, and people never seem to care enough to recognise that.

It’s also frustrating that people can’t, or refuse to, realise that Liam is just as closeted, has had just as much PR bullshit including at the moment, and suffered through forced interview after forced interview, and been made to say a million things. It’s also important to note that if Harry can have a stunt song, and Louis can have a stunt song, Liam can also have a song (even if not directly stunt related) added to his album to push through his current narrative. They’re different situations, different songs, and different explanations, but they all have the same running cause. Just something to think about.

The part of the fandom that don’t think that

Fuck me, I never realised how massive a chunk of this fandom there is that does not give a shit about Liam James Payne. Can’t relate, but okay. In terms of his image here, it kinda depends; for some people, they’re not fussed enough to pay attention, but that can mean that they’ll just believe he’s an arsehole here because they can’t be fucked to look into it. People don’t have to be invested in all five of them, of course they don’t, but it might be a big negative here.

For other people, the ones that seem to hate him for some reason, this adds so much more fuel to the fire. There’s a lot of people currently calling him out for homophobic things he said about Harry, which I’ve spoken about before but can’t find my own damn post but the masterpost I tagged at the start of this mentions it a tiny bit. When this swirled up again recently in the last month or so, which interesting timing, the media ran a TONNE of articles about how Liam had been talking shit about Harry. Harry liked the very next tweet Liam posted, even though it had nothing to do with him or the situation, and Harry wasn’t just on a liking spree. It seemed very much like a ‘hey, don’t worry, we’re all okay, don’t believe this shit’. This section of the fandom is exceptionally unlikely to change their mind about him unfortunately.

I spoke about this very recently, but the fact that people can’t see Liam’s situation for what it is, and can see the others, is beyond frustrating because the patterns are INCREDIBLY similar, and there’s very similar situations.

Also, Liam and Louis’ friendship is 100% legit. They’re very close. If there’s anyone out there who loves Louis and thinks he’s closeted, but hates Liam, do you really think Louis would love Liam so much if this was really who he was? Someone who doesn’t care about the community that Louis is obviously so fiercely proud of, and someone who talks legitimate shit about Louis’ partner? Of course he wouldn’t, because Liam is also closeted and stuck in a shit situation and made to say things in interviews to stir up One Direction drama for the media. Speaking of the media though…

The general public

When I woke up this morning and Mar told me about the hashtag that was trending on Twitter, I was instantly so emotional, for a lot of reasons. As I said before, I hate cancel culture in the easy way it exists. People are allowed to make a mistake, or slip up, or make a wrong move; everyone is human. It’s how they respond to it that should change things.

There’s a couple of problems here, though.

- Liam can’t really respond to it in the way he needs to. Like I said before, I don’t know whether it’d be better or worse for him to talk about it. The only genuine way he could is to come clean about everything, and he can’t fucking very well do that, can he? So the apology will just be a lie, and people probably won’t believe it anyway.

- People are more willing to forgive someone if it’s one mistake, but Liam’s team have fucked with his image so much that to the general public, it’s not one mistake. We know they’re not real, but if we step back from the fandom and try to look at it through the eyes of someone who knows not very much about him and only knows what the media pushes, it’s a slightly horrifying image.

When I speak to my friends about Liam, people often think he’s arrogant, conceited, and your standard ‘gym bro’. The GP may remember the times he was made to say homophobic things, and if they don’t remember, they’re reminded in every new article. They see him as the young guy who dated a woman in her mid 30’s and got her pregnant, and who hardly sees his ‘son’ and therefore is a deadbeat ‘dad’. They see him now as the man in his mid 20’s who’s ‘dating’ a teenager, and the articles I’ve seen today all mention her, some mentioning the debate about her age and others trying to say the song is about her even though it was being written about three years ago. They see him as a man who has fights outside bars, and are told it was because of his underage ‘girlfriend’. They see him as an artist who sings about getting wasted, sex, and being rich.

I know I’m setting a bleak image, anon, and I’m sorry, I am. I don’t believe a single word of the above obviously, and NO ONE should, but it’s the reality of the situation for the GP, and it shouldn’t be pushed to the back as if we should only blame other sections of the fandom for his image, or that this isn’t, realistically, how it looks for Liam right now.

We know Liam as the kind, sweet, caring, protective, talented, queer man that’s been there for us through his music and his words, who’s been there for the boys the entire time since the band started, who’s suffered through addiction and mental health problems to come out the other side stronger than ever.

They don’t know that, anon, and I don’t know what Liam will do to come back from this massive of a social media hit. There’s numerous articles slamming him, the hashtag trended for almost a whole day in Australia at least, and for some of the GP, it’s the final thing in a long list of bullshit that Liam’s supposedly done. Each article mentions all of the above things again too, and Apple Music even mentions Ch*yl and B*ar directly by name.

I’m hoping for his sake that in a few days, this will all blow over, and it’ll be handled the way it needs to be handled. The problem is that I don’t know what the right way to handle it is.

I think he’ll be okay. I believe he’ll be okay, I do, but I think in terms of the GP, he has a way to go. I want the very best for Liam, always, and I will always continue to love and support him. Everyone else should too, because right now, he needs it from us more than ever.

#liam

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nerdyqueerandjewish · 4 years

Text

Here is what Researcher Jeremy C. Young wrote on twitter to help put the numbers discussed in the report from Imperial College into context. Fair warning, he does use the number of deaths in the Shoah (and other events) to help people understand the magnitude, I don’t think he’s trying to make a direct comparison and I don’t think that’s the best choice, but I’m still sharing because I think that the information is really valuable.

⚠️ Read with extreme caution ⚠️

————

Summary from Jeremy C. Young:

———

We can now read the report on COVID-19 that so terrified every public health manager and head of state from Boris Johnson to Donald Trump to the dictator of El Salvador that they ordered people to stay in their houses. I read it yesterday afternoon and haven't been the same since. I urge everyone to read it, but maybe have a drink first, or have your family around you. It is absolutely terrifying. The New York TImes confirms that the CDC and global leaders are treating it as factual.

Here's a brief rundown of what I'm seeing in here. Please correct me in comments if I'm wrong.

The COVID-19 response team at Imperial College in London obtained what appears to be the first accurate dataset of infection and death rates from China, Korea, and Italy. They plugged those numbers into widely available epidemic modeling software and ran a simulation: what would happen if the United States did absolutely nothing -- if we treated COVID-19 like the flu, went about business as usual, and let the virus take its course?

Here's what would happen: 80% of Americans would get the disease. 0.9% of them would die. Between 4 and 8 percent of all Americans over the age of 70 would die. 2.2 million Americans would die from the virus itself.

It gets worse. Most people who are in danger of dying from COVID-19 need to be put on ventilators. 50% of those put on ventilators still die, but the other 50% live. But in an unmitigated epidemic, the need for ventilators would be 30 times the number of ventilators in the United States. Virtually no one who needed a ventilator would get one. 100% of patients who need ventilators would die if they didn't get one. So the actual death toll from the virus would be closer to 4 million Americans -- in a span of 3 months. 8-15% of all Americans over 70 would die.

How many people is 4 million Americans? It's more Americans than have died all at once from anything, ever. It's the population of Los Angeles. It's four times the number of Americans who died in the Civil War...on both sides combined. It's two-thirds as many people as died in the Holocaust.

Americans make up 4.4% of the world's population. So if we simply extrapolate these numbers to the rest of the world -- now we're getting into really fuzzy estimates, so the margin of error is pretty great here -- this gives us 90 million deaths globally from COVID-19. That's 15 Holocausts. That's 1.5 times as many people as died in World War II, over 12 years. This would take 3-6 months.

Now, it's unrealistic to assume that countries wouldn't do ANYTHING to fight the virus once people stopped dying. So the Imperial College team ran the numbers again, this time assuming a "mitigation" strategy. A mitigation strategy is pretty much what common sense would tell us to do: America places all symptomatic cases of the disease in isolation. It quarantines their families for 14 days. It orders all Americans over 70 to practice social distancing. This is what you've seen a lot of people talking about when they say we should "flatten the curve": try to slow the spread of the disease to the people most likely to die from it, to avoid overwhelming hospitals.

And it does flatten the curve -- but not nearly enough. The death rate from the disease is cut in half, but it still kills 1.1 million Americans all by itself. The peak need for ventilators falls by two-thirds, but it still exceeds the number of ventilators in the US by eight times, meaning most people who need ventilators still don't get them. That leaves the actual death toll in the US at right around 2 million deaths. The population of Houston. Two civil wars. One-third of the Holocaust. Globally, 45 million people die: 7.5 Holocausts, 3/4 of World War II. That's what happens if we use common sense: the worst death toll from a single cause since the Middle Ages.

Finally, the Imperial College team ran the numbers a third time, this time assuming a "suppression" strategy. In addition to isolating symptomatic cases and quarantining their family members, they also simulated social distancing for the entire population. All public gatherings and most workplaces shut down. Schools and universities close. (Note that these simulations assumed a realistic rate of adherence to these requirements, around 70-75% adherence, not that everyone follows them perfectly.) This is basically what we are seeing happen in the United States today.

This time it works! The death rate in the US peaks three weeks from now at a few thousand deaths, then goes down. We hit, but don't exceed (at least not by very much), the number of available ventilators. The nightmarish death tolls from the rest of the study disappear; COVID-19 goes down in the books as a bad flu instead of the Black Death.

But here's the catch: if we EVER relax these requirements before a vaccine is administered to the entire population, COVID-19 comes right back and kills millions of Americans in a few months, the same as before. The simulation does indicate that, after the first suppression period (lasting from now until July), we could probably lift restrictions for a month, followed by two more months of suppression, in a repeating pattern without triggering an outbreak or overwhelming the ventilator supply. If we staggered these suppression breaks based on local conditions, we might be able to do a bit better. But we simply cannot ever allow the virus to spread throughout the entire population in the way other viruses do, because it is just too deadly. If lots of people we know end up getting COVID-19, it means millions of Americans are dying. It simply can't be allowed to happen.

How quickly will a vaccine be here? Already, medical ethics have been pushed to the limit to deliver one. COVID-19 was first discovered a few months ago. Last week, three separate research teams announced they had developed vaccines. Yesterday, one of them (with FDA approval) injected its vaccine into a live person, without waiting for animal testing. Now, though, they have to monitor the test subject for fourteen months to make sure the vaccine is safe. This is the part of the testing that can't be rushed: the plan is to inoculate the entire human population, so if the vaccine itself turned out to be lethal for some reason, it could potentially kill all humans, which is a lot worse than 90 million deaths. Assuming the vaccine is safe and effective, it will still take several months to produce enough to inoculate the global population. For this reason, the Imperial College team estimated it will be about 18 months until the vaccine is available.

During those 18 months, things are going to be very difficult and very scary. Our economy and our society will be disrupted in profound ways. Worst of all, if the suppression policies actually work, it will feel like we are doing all this for nothing, because the infection and death rates will be very low. It's easy to get people to come together in common sacrifice in the middle of a war. It's very hard to get them to do so in a pandemic that looks invisible precisely because suppression methods are working. But that's exactly what we're going to have to do.

#pandemic #covidー19 #covid19 #covid 19 #shoah tw

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jimlingss · 4 years

Text

pt.2 of yesterday

I don’t want to flood people’s dashes, so hopefully answering your messages here will suffice!

anonymous asked: Hi! I wanted to tell you how much I love your work and how you make me enjoy every Monday thanks to your regular updates ! I saw a previous anon telling you how your writings lacks of emotion and I totally disagree with them... obviously everybody won’t like it but your stories just DON’T lack of love or emotion this is madness I want to thank you for publishing your amazing stories freely here for everyone to read. (Sorry if my English is weird I’m french ejfjekfjd)

“this is madness” LOL

You’re hilarious, anon. And your english is perfectly fine!!!

anonymous asked: Hello! Im the culinary student anon who sent you an ask a while ago and i saw you received an ask about the lack of emotion from your stories. I read kitchen romance and i actually really really like it and don’t quite understand how it lacks in emotions as I interpreted the stories more like the beginning of the oc and jin’s love story and they are only starting to open up to each other so i guess thats why anon might feel like it lacks romantic vibe from both of the characters. (1)

Anonymous said: Just want to tell you that you’re one of the best writer and ive been following you for 2/3 years now, you never failed to amaze me with your writings!! All your stories are so well written that i sometimes wonder how do you come up with such an amazing plot every single time and your stories are always nice to re-read and the effort you pour into creating your stories is also admirable (2)

while i was reading kitchen romance and ive only started s&c (currently on chapter 4) i can say that its pretty similar with how it is irl (and the part where we find out jk is an iu fans reminded me of my ex-crush whose also a culinary student, i would like to tell you a story about it but ill just waste your time lol) , just want to send you a few encouragement and love for you and your writings *sending virtual hugs* (3) -👩🏻‍🍳anon

You’re too kind, thank you (and also, welcome back!). I’ll be frank, there was a hot second I was considering taking down Kitchen Romance but I didn’t cause I don’t want my efforts of editing it to go to waste asdfghjkl. I can’t believe you’ve been sticking around me for so long :’) it’s always nice to know some folks stay. Anyway, I’m glad that Sugar and Coffee is pretty similar to how it works irl since I tried my best to do research. I definitely love a good storytime as well so don’t worry about wasting my time :>

Anonymous said: a good majority of your fics display an unfathomable amount of DEPTH. regarding character development. plot. even the shortest lines of dialogue reveal so much more to the character and unveil their true emotions. i personally think the more REALISTIC side of love may be perceived as 'bland.' ‘emotionless.’ whatever you want to call it. nothing’s wrong with portraying a relationship that isn’t overboard with a whole lot of tooth aching fluff or lowkey annoying pda. +1

Anonymous said: there’s nothing wrong with taking out a bit of emotion to fit the PERSONALITIES of the characters. some people out there don’t necessarily feel a lot of emotions. so it’s honestly not really a mistake if a story lacks it (unless it was unintentional). subtlety is an art that is hard to master, but you’ve done it! and to respond to the anon, sometimes, if you skim through a fic without reading every word the author intended for you to read, +2

Anonymous said: then it’s quite common to not feel the full extent of the emotions you were supposed to feel. just a thought but no hate. we’re all entitled to our opinions. but besides that, kina, you write on a vast scale ranging from hardcore angst to diabetes-inducing fluff. and you do it beautifully. sure there are some stories that are better than others, but i believe a LOT of it comes down to personal preference and taste. +3

Anonymous said: even if you are feeling creatively limited, you work hard to continue writing for your readers, and your determination and diligence wILL NOT GO UNNOTICED. i just want you to know that you write amazingly. your syntax is practically immaculate, your characters feel real… the endings of your stories always wrap something up and the strings are tied—even if it isn’t necessarily a happy ending. you can convey hundreds of different characters through WORDS. +4

Anonymous said: i’ll have you know that it’s hard to write. it’s even harder to write about people who aren’t YOU. so as someone who looks up to you a lot, i want to commend you for your writing. some of your fics that i read on a monthly basis: tears of a villain, a piece of the moonlight, head over heels to hell, ghost in the machine, a mark of betrayal, a kiss of poison, until yesterday, the truth between us and arcadia. +5

Anonymous said: to be fair, there were way more fics but i didn’t want to make this message any longer than it already is LOL. i find these pieces wonderful. heart wrenching. and SO DAMN EMOTIONAL IT PLAGUES MY MIND FOR DAYS. also you’re literally one of the few fucking people who can use the em dash correctly. thank you so much for sharing your talent with us! +6

Oh my goodness. I don’t even know what to say, anon. This is a whole damn thesis and it’s about my fics :’> You know, it’s easy to brush off fanfiction as a ‘whatever’ thing and indeed, it isn’t that big of a deal compared to some things in the world. But I really do take all my stories seriously and put forth a lot of effort - so to see it recognized and appreciated it makes me beyond happy. It’s good to know that my efforts haven’t gone to waste at all and that there are people out there who will support me no matter the endeavours I take. Thank you so much. You don’t know how much this means to me.

((Also, honestly I picked up the em dash usage after I wrote The Truth Between Us with gukyi who used it. I’m pretty sure I’m not using it right but to hear that I am, god damn that’s a breath of relief right there))

backtobleuside submitted: Are you kidding me!? Your stories don’t lack love at all. They’re the kind of fics that you read, soak it all in and then come back for more. I’ve cried so much when I read Beyond reach, Boo-lieve in me, A piece of the moonlight, His name, Tell me lies etc. etc, and also laughed and felt the emotions of not just the OC, but also the other characters. Kitchen Romance was also so fluffy and sweet and personally, I don’t think that anything needs to be added to it. Anyway, your fics do not lack emotion—you’re probably the first author I send a message to because your stories impacted me a lot and left a strong impression on me. I even imagine your characters as real people who have real lives that continue on even after the story is done.

asdfghjkl thank you :’) I see you every week and sometimes several times at that. I really appreciate your consistent feedback and following. You never fail to send me a message too which I appreciate a lot. I’m glad you’re enjoying everything I’m producing!!

youngfleurever said: Would just like to say that your fics do in fact make me violently sob to the boy where my eyes are so swollen I have trouble opening them the next day and I wake up feeling like there’s sawdust in my mouth because I’m dehydrated.

oh my god. please keep yourself hydrated hahahahhaha more importantly, how do you know what sawdust in your mouth is like. WHAT have you been doing LOL

Anonymous said: I’ve felt emotions that I’ve never felt before when I read your fics.... so as a person that has read your entire masterlist, I DO NOT think that your fics lack emotion.... I hope you don’t feel disheartened because you’re one of my favourite writers, not just on tumblr but like, evER 💓💓💓💓💓💓

Please, even if I was disheartened, the overwhelming amount of feedback and praise has completely overridden it :’)

joonie-mono said: when tumblr deletes the first part of your ask 🙄😌✌️

LOOOOOOOL

haylo4ever said: Sorry had to add my 10 cents. You're such a talented writer,,, I WISH I could write a smol smol 1/1000000000 that you write,,, like I remember when I followed you bc I was in awe of your writing.... I mean?? Sure maybe not every fic hits it with someone but it's just ridic to name drop (a friend nonetheless) when you're all extremely talented writers.

Trust me, writing comes with practice!! I should honestly just tattoo that on me. God knows my first fanfic was absolutely GARBAGE. I didn’t know pacing, didn’t know that I should separate chunks of paragraphs, how to write dialogue or describe scenes properly. I went in blind. Even my second, third and fourth fanfic was garbage. You could definitely get to “my level” or even far surpass it with enough dedication and practice. I mean I’ve been writing for four years, so thank GOD there’s been improvement. I wouldn’t be natural if there wasn’t. But clearly the more you practice, the better you improve! That applies to anything.

The me in ten years will certainly be better now.

Anonymous said: Hi kina! I’m here in support of kitchen romance! I actually didn’t feel like it was missing a ton of fluffy moments (and I say that as a huGE LOVER OF FLUFF) but the story was just as entertaining in the whole chase of them getting closer to each other! It’s honestly one of my favorite one shots I’ve read lately and I’m not saying that lightly! Also, that anon that said your work lacks emotion has probably not read like half of your masterlist bc oO MAN QUEEN OF MAKING ME CRY- black heart anon🖤

Thank you :’]

Anonymous said: Ok I’m very offended wow the audacity!Specially coming for my baby kitchen romance like that story made me feel so much and it’s only one of the many fics you have written kina like I’m literally baffled like dynasty has made me cry scream happy and hot all at the same time and I was literally just thinking about it that whole weekend and this anon has the nerve to say your stories lack emotions?When you are literally the queen of show casing all types of emotions in your stories!You did it all

Anonymous said: Also 😭😭😭😂😂😩hoooooooow and whereeee did they see any lack of love and emotions like have you read jungle park???? Inside my mind??? FREAKING SUGAR AND COFFEE (like this fic is made with love and I- ) Actually you know what , just read the whole masterlist😩😩💗💗💗

LOL tbh I didn’t expect Dynasty to receive the love it has. I was actually kind of wary when posting it cause it’s kind of Wild.

bangtans-peaceful-piegon said: just gotta say u handled that whole anon thing so well which not only makes me admire u as a writer but even more as a person :] (i mean i knew u were gr8 before the whole deal but yeah love ya 💛)

tbh, I’m not sure how well I handled it cause I was flooded with over 30 messages afterwards (evidently) ;_; which I love and appreciate but I’m not really as hurt as some people think hahaha criticism should be received well but it’s still hard not to take personally tbh. It’s gonna have to be something I work on or perhaps it’ll be one of those things that I’ll take better with age.

#anonymous #👩🏻‍🍳anon #backtobleuside #youngfleurever #joonie-mono #haylo4ever #black heart anon🖤

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