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samandcolbyownme · 2 months

Note

Sam had been focusing too much on working that he had ended up neglecting his relationship. You guys had planned to go out on a movie dinner date weeks in advance and already had dinner reservations set, he is too busy working to realize that the reservation was 30 minutes ago. Should you have reminded him? Yes. But you also feel like you shouldn't have to because if he cared then he would've put his work aside for a few hours to spend time with you. ANGSTTTTT but also fluff or smut at the end, dealers choice 😏

Warnings: Slightly angsty, strong language, reader breaking down, crying, yelling, suggestive language, kinda sad but happy ending

Enjoy!

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Sam has missed reservation times. He’s been late to pick you up sometimes. He’s even had to cancel last minute, but you understood. For the most part, at least. You knew he had deadlines to make, people to update, plans to make, and flights to book.

Once the number of times he’s practically bailed on your reaches double digits, that’s when you really started to get mad. His reasonings, you’re sure were valid at the time, but you would get so mad you thought it was a bullshit excuse, so that just made you pissed.

You said something, you had a long talk one night, got on the same page again and everything was good, almost seemed better.

But only for a short while until things started to gradually trickle back into its cursed routine. You’d say something to him again, then it would just repeat the cycle. Back to square one with it. Finally, maybe after one or two more times, you gave up on what you felt like you just wasting your breath.

One night, while you’re laying in bed getting ready to go to sleep, Sam comes in after edited his one video for hours of the day. You feel the bed dip down and his body slides up against yours.

“I made us reservations at the Mitz, they couldn’t get us in until three weeks from now, so figure out what you want to do before or after and we can do that.”

You stay silent for a second before speaking. Your voice is in a very low whisper, “You promise?” He kisses your shoulder and nuzzles his head into your neck, “I promise. I’m sorry I haven’t been with it lately.”

“You and Colby have been busy. I get it.” You roll over to face him, “I guess.. I just feel like you forget I’m here sometimes.” He shakes his head, “I’m sorry I make you feel that way.” He kisses your forehead and you close your eyes, “I love you.” He rests his forehead against yours and lets out a quiet sigh, “I love you so much.”

Over the last three weeks, Sam and Colby surprisingly didn’t have much going on, so it worked out in everyone’s favor. You and Sam pretty much stayed home, and when he did edit, he made sure to include you.

Which is why, when that certain Thursday evening rolled around, you were absolutely crushed. It felt like, in a weird way, a betrayal. It really wasn’t that deep, but to you it was.

You scoffed as you hear the front door open, rolling your eyes as you look to the small clock on your vanity.

07:30 PM - 30 minutes past your set reservation time.

You drag the makeup wipe down your face, wiping away the hope you had painted on earlier in the evening. You can feel the burn growing in your eyes as you try not to cry.

You may think that two times isn’t bad, but it’s not really about the amount of times it’s happened. It’s more about how Sam doesn’t realize it’s happening. He doesn’t put up a fight, he just gradually buries you under all of his paperwork.

You hear him making his way up the steps and you know in your heart that it’s not going to be good. You take a deep breath, wiping over your face one more time with a clean wipe.

“So guess where Colby and I get to go next month.”

“Hmm?” You hum lowly, but loud enough for him to hear. You keep your stare fixed on yourself in the mirror in front of you. Sam walks closer and you feel every muscle in your body tense up.

You really didn’t want to fight with him - again.

“What’s wrong,” He asks, laying a hand on your shoulder. You were so mad at him, his touch only made the urge to cry even harder to fight back. You shake your head, “N-nothing.” You stand up, “I think I’m just gonna go get a bath and then go to bed.”

You grab a clean change of clothes and before you walk out, it’s hits Sam. He lets out a sigh, “Oh fuck.” You turn around, “Congratulations.” You give him a fake smile, “You figured out what’s wrong.”

“Y/n.” Sam calls out but you walk away. He follows after you, “Waitwaitwait.” He grabs your arm, pulling you towards him, “I am so.. so… sorry.” You tilt your head back resting it against the wall as you let out a slight laugh, “It doesn’t matter Sam.”

You look at him and his face falls, “W-What do you mean by that?” He stands up a little straight as you just simply shrug.

He shakes his head, “No. don’t say it. Please.” You chew on your lip as you feel the tears well, “I’m not..” you quickly swipe away the tears dripping down your flushed cheeks, “I’m not leaving, Sam. I just..”

You let your hands fall to your sides, and you just crack, spilling all of your emotions, “I need more, Sam. I-I know. I know that me getting upset over dates might be silly, but they’re important to me, Sam.” Your voice cracks and you look into Sam’s glossy eyes, “You’re everywhere, Sam. But you’re not here.”

You sniffle, voice cracking quietly, “And it’s hurts.”

He scrunches his nose and nods. You blink and the tears fall, “I shouldn’t h-have to be the one to remind you, fuck Sam. I shouldn’t have to remind you.”

“You’re right.” He mumbles quietly as he nods. You look up, sighing, “I do not want to end us, Sam. Please know that.” His hands slide to your waist, but you speak before he can, “We need alone time. We-we need time to just be a normal couple sometimes.”

You bring your hands to your eyes and just sob.

Sam pulls you into his chest, wrapping his arms around you as he whispers how sorry he is, “You are the most important thing to me, okay?” He presses his lips to your temple and you nod, mumbling, “Mhm.” You’re trying to get your crying under control as Sam continues, “I’m so sorry I missed tonight, baby.”

He sniffles and that makes you cry harder, “I’m sorry.” You sob out and Sam cups your cheeks, “Hey.” He raises his voice slightly, catching your attention. He raises his brows and leans in, his voice calm, “You don’t ever need to be sorry about anything, okay?”

You nod and Sam shakes his head, “You did nothing wrong, okay? I deserve to be called out on my bullshit. You did the right thing.” He kisses your cheek, “You’re my number one priority, from here on out I promise I’m going to prove it to you every. Single. Day.”

You smile slightly and you feel yourself gradually calming down, “I just didn’t want do make you mad.” You sniffle out, gasping out for air because of how worked up you had yourself.

You were slightly embarrassed, but Sam really doesn’t seem like he’s judging you at all. He laughs slightly, “Trust me, it would take you doing something a lot more stupid than getting upset over me being a dumbass to be mad at you.” He smiles and rubs your cheek with his thumb, “I love you.”

You smile, looking up at him, “I love you, too.” You lean in, pressing your lips to his and you feel him smirk. His voice is quiet against your lips as he mumbles, “Is this a bad time to tell you that Colby and I want to bring you on to the channel. Take you with us on every investigation?”

You lean back, looking up at him, “What did you just say?” He scratches his forehead, “When I got home, I was going to tell you that Colby and I were talking and we both agreed that when you’re on investigations with us, they turn out so much better than when it is just us, so with that.. we did a little poll thing in XPLR club and it turns out that the fans want you to join us. just as much as Colby and I do.”

You stare at him for a few seconds before you gently push his shoulder, “you couldn’t have just led with that, babe?” You laugh, “I embarrassed myself infront of you for absolutely no reason.”

He shakes his head, “First off, don’t be embarrassed. Second off, you calling me out on stuff that bothers you shows me you care enough to communicate with me, and I honestly cannot tell you how much that means to me.”

You bite down on your lip, “You might not be able to tell me, but I think you just might be able to show me.” You raise your brows as you look up at Sam and he smirks, instantly lifting you up against the wall, “Where to?”

You smile, “Take me to bed.”

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Thank you so much for reading! As always, let me know what you thought! I love you all! 🖤

Likes and reblogs are majorly appreciated!

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lowkeyrobin · 3 months

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MCYT with an S/O who fosters kittens? :D

OH MY LORD YESYESYESHDNSKDNDN I had sm inspo w this bc I have 5 cats (cats are one of my favorite things ever I swear) and yeah dkkdkd THANK YOU FOR THE REQUEST

MCYT ; you foster kittens

includes ; tommyinnit, tubbo, ranboo, badlinu, nihachu, quackity, foolish gamers, karl jacobs, & slimecicle

warnings ; language, talk of harm towards animals

masterlist

TOMMYINNIT

genuinely feels so bad when you have to let the cats go

like he tears up nearly every fucking time

he watches some of these poor cats go from aggressive and distant, barely able to eat because they don't trust you yet, to warm, loving and cuddley little creatures

he literally watches them grow and he gets so emotional cause like why can't you keep all of them???

he'll be off to the side when you're handing them away to a new home wiping his tears

he's more emotional about it than you

he gifts you like new cat food bowls and cat towers and stuff once they get all beaten to a pulp

if you're fostering more than like three at a time, he'll have a gang of them on his lap while he's editing, recording, or lounging around

his hands are always covered in scratches and scars because he'll fuck around and find out even after you warn him about them being feisty at first

"this one got ran over by a car and he's blind now"

"can we keep him?? :("

TUBBO

"Oh fuckin christ- y/n! the children are invading!"

they're always running in and opening the doors with their lil hands when he's streaming LMFAO

he loves that you foster cats, the fact you take time out of your life for these precious little animals that just need a chance at a better life is so heartwarming to him

if he's not streaming or sleeping, he's spending time with those chaotic fuckers

he and freddie make an orange cat that you fostered -who was deaf- become a dj

he didn't know the cat was deaf until you asked what he was doing

"I mean, for a deaf man, he's making some bangers!"

"yeah, this cat knows how to party, y/n, come join us"

he can never be around when the cats have to leave though, he just sits there with a pout because he gets too attached to them

yall got a whole room dedicated to the foster cats, don't worry, they're spoiled as all hell

RANBOO

like tubbo, it warms his heart to see you care so much about the poor babies that just need a little help readjusting and understanding that not all people are bad/you're there to help them

absolutely loves when you bring back like little feisty babies that barely know how to walk but know how to hiss

they can't help but laugh like "awe oh my god, this is so sad but it's so cute"

when I tell you all those cats are so spoiled by them

it's sweet though, he really cares about all the cats you take in too, you honestly foster them together at this point

you guys end up keeping this tuxedo cat with one eye and name it Jellyfish (as per chats vote)

the amount of fanart of you two with jellyfish 💔💔💔 so cute

jellyfish becomes the mom of all the new fosters and looks over them and shit, that way they ease into the new environment a little better

buys all the fosters outfits. there's a barbie sized closet for all the clothes

FREDDIE BADLINU

it's like there's a new cat every week considering he brings back street cats as well LMAO

these mf cats are SO SPOILED but they deserve it

he gets so attached to the disabled ones because he loves having to help them out

he loves teaching them how to eat from his hands too

it's so funny, like they'll nick his fingers and he'll be like "fuck, that tickles, Mr. Peanut!"

gets so emotional when you have to give them to better homes

like hugs and kisses them goodbye 4 times

he genuinely thinks your magic, watches those cats go from shy and trying to stay away from you to like being attached to you by the hip and all wagging their tails

he's constantly running around the house playing with them too

he loves seeing them pop up on 2 legs like meerkats when he's serving them wet food or treats LMAO

NIKI NIHACHU

she couldn't care less that the house is loaded with cat stuff and a whole room is filled with cat towers, shelves and toys for them

loves making new little puzzles/mazes for the cats with the shelves, making a little competition to see who can get to the top fastest

she names the cats because she's gonna get attached either way, but after a while they become more and more silly

like they go from Sebastian and Pixel to Tater Tot and Simon From Alvin And The Chipmunks so quickly

she learns how to make homemade cat treats as well

she also, like ranboo, gets a little barbie closet and fills it with cat outfits

some cats like the outfits and others don't, but the ones who do, good god it's like britney manson on the runway

absolute ws in that house, photoshoots for days

QUACKITY

"AH WHAT THE FUCK? Y/n! come get Jessie and Walter, they've invaded my stream!"

he genuinely names most the foster cats characters from meme shows/movies/memes in general

actually named one Badass Grandmas Meme ; also named another Hurricane Tortilla after that one vine

always taking .5s of the cats once they've accepted that he exists as well

sometimes they hop on his desk and join the stream

"Oh, look! it's Goldfish, she's the newest foster that y/n took in"

constantly taking pictures of you and the fosters throughout the stages of rehabilitation

from hissing and scratching to cuddling on the couch and lazy naps

no cat leaves without a little pair of sunglasses

he's genuinely inspired to make quackity cat merch because most of the fosters you take in LOVE clothes LMAO

FOOLISH GAMERS

literally treats these mfs as babies

you'll walk in and see him holding one of the elderly cats you're rehabiliting from a bad home whom just got rescued and he's holding this poor girl like a literal infant

she loves it though, most the cats do

the fosters love playing with his hair too, and he plays into it, always bends down to their level and wobbles his hair around for them to smack around and try to chew on

he has such a soft spot for them

if you're having one of those rare moments where you might give up on a cat, he's right there to try and help you

flea baths on kittens are always done by him, he feels so bad for each of them, meanwhile you're on cat-drying duty and giving them a lil medication to kill any remaining fleas

he's 50/50 on names at first but gives up with trying to not name them bc he gets attached anyways

"Oh, lookit! this is Evergreen, she's been chilling with us for like, 3 months I think"

he loves when they interrupt his streams bc they're so cute and explorative and curious LMAO

KARL JACOBS

he's always snuggling with them and letting them climb all over him

let's them play with his hair/dangly earrings he's wearing all the time

uses his hoodie strings to play with them too

also teaches them how to eat from his hands

he giggles with a "Oh my God, that tickles!'

he gives them all human names

the litters usually look like Tom, Sally, Joe, Micheal, Cameron, and Mellissa

loves giving them clothes too

genuinely releases a little merch line of cat clothing considering he's got a mini closet full of cat clothes for the fosters, why not share the little cuteness

he's a cat whisperer istg

CHARLIE SLIMECICLE

he's the most supportive of you fostering cats like ever

loves fucking around with them and sliding them around on the floor, if there's any long hair cats, he loops very loose bows and clips around their fur and shit

cradles them like babies to sleep

and then slips them into the cat tower or on the couch/bed etc

even covers them with a little blanket

"Oh shit, they've invaded, they're raiding! the axe weilding brothers are here!"

gives them the most dumbass names like Microwave Popcorn and Toaster Strudle

he frames pictures of every cat in the hallway once they leave

#lowkeyrobin #mcyt x reader #mcyt preferences #mcyt oneshot #tommyinnit x reader #ranboo x reader #quackity x reader #badlinu x reader #tubbo x reader #freddie badlinu x reader #foolish gamers x reader #karl jacobs x reader #niki nihachu x reader #charlie slimecicle x reader #gn reader #gender neutral reader #they/them reader

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accio-victuuri · 6 months

Text

cpn time: yibo’s new songs 🎧

here we are, two songs and a bunch of short video clips later, but this post will be more about the lyrics. if you haven’t listened to the tracks then please enjoy bystander and everything is lovely first before anything else. i’m so thankful that wyb has kept his promise to fans of bringing us a new song every year and also performing it during nye. he may not be the most obvious when it comes to appreciating his fans but this is the best example of his commitment to sharing himself to fans and treating us.

i will start with some minor clues before we get into the lyrics and all that clowning interpretation. 🙇‍♀️

1. The first 3 photos that yibo-official released as soon as it turned 12:00, one of them was color pink, or you can say, very light shade of red. His photos released before had a more solid red like that from a traffic light but this one leans more towards pink.

A very nice choice of color knowing how he relates pink to being the color of love and and all the other symbolism we attached to it.

& when yibo posted it, he placed the pink one in the middle vs yibo-official’s who placed it on the right.

2. Same choice of words between their studios, especially with reference to the gap of time. We are definitely looking closer than a normal fan would when it comes to their studio’s captions, edits, posting time etc and to a normal fan this would just fly over their head. but the amount of coincidence between the two is too much!

3. QQ released parts of the lyrics and this one, the chorus of everything is lovely ( up to the part talking about love of coming home ), the word love was mentioned 23 times. Love Zhan. I mean, we all know this boys loves 2 and 3 😂😂😂

4. The timing of release for their projects this day. Another example of how they don’t overlap with the day or time. XZ’s marie claire was between 10-12 and then WYB stuff of course started coming out at 12:00. this follows their pattern 👀

5. I really like what this bxg discovered, the way everything is lovely was written, if you turn in upside down it may read wyb loves xz. 🤯🤯🤯

for those of us who have been subjected to xz’s artwork and the little things he hides, this should be believable to you. he is known to do these things, even without the cpn intention.

==================

BYSTANDER

I gotta say, i’m leaning more towards this song, i didn’t expect it! I just love how it sounds and i’m with those who felt nostalgic while listening to it. it seems familiar and brand new at the same time. The melody of the first few lines got me thinking of words ( bee gees ) and the guitar/drums played are excellent too! I hope he sings this with a live band please! 🙏🏼

I often watch, listen and feel like reaching out to touch.

Holding a handful of seawater to see it’s dreamlike color.

this is more of a song ( atleast to me ) that speaks of who WYB is as a person. a bystander/spectator/onlooker. he is someone who observes people and keeps quiet first before engaging. but that doesn’t mean he is indifferent, in this song, he talks about admiring the things around him.

i’m also thinking of a wish to be a bystander. XZ/WYB repeatedly said that the super power they wish to have in invisibility so they just roam around without people noticing them. in a way, it’s wyb’s ( and by extension xz ) wish to be able to do this.

Embrace all the joys and sorrows of life. Listen to the plucked feathers speak, wings aiming for the vast sky.

Watch a fallen leaf repeating until the four seasons bring it back to the branch. I cannot see another galaxy but believe in me in a more distant place.

i see this as basically yibo and zz’s view in life, they are willing to go through the good and bad. their lives may seem ideal because they are celebrities but it’s far from that so they just have to focus on the good.

Don’t ask me what i’m looking for, let life pass through.

it’s him just wanting to be left alone, to allow him to go through his life without people watching his every move. or maybe there isn’t anything he is looking for or aiming for, he is just enjoying and going through his life. This line speaks to me so much! There’s really no need to be constantly trying to achieve things and be exhausted by the end of it. Sometimes, it’s okay to sit back and enjoy the simple things.

EVERYTHING IS LOVELY

I have discussed this song before, especially the chorus that covers a lot of the CPNs. I feel the same way about my interpretation of those lines even after learning the lyrics of the whole song.

My hands, accustomed to patting my head, opening up the memory of the river and pond. There are always a few good friends by the side.

Listening to the cicadas, watching the fishing boats.

WYB who likes to pat his head as an example 😂 so this is really from his POV and a more personal touch to start this song.

Listening to the cicadas and watching the fishing boat? This paints a picture of them during CQL shoot and hanging out.

I’m cackling tho at bxg interpretation of the lines that talk about river & ponds and then him having friends on the side. So who are the friends by that pod? Turtles? LOL. 😂😂😂😂

How to distinguish between people, whether post-00s are young or very mature.

This is so WYB. Reminding us of when he always made a point to say that GG looks so young or that they have no age gap 🥹🥹🥹

Under the mud, lotus roots finally grown. Please, lotus flowers do not look back.

Lotus roots/ Lotus flowers. What a peculiar choice to include in the song. Maybe there is some deeper explanation here that has something to do with culture or what but as a clown, our minds went to CQL.

It’s a part of the story and who can forget that behind the scenes of WYB pulling out those lotus seeds for XZ? 🙃

I tightly hold on to the people i once lost.

I like the way some people have interpreted this line. If what we think is true, that they lost each other at some point after the cql shoot then this line makes sense. They had some time apart after that shoot and XZ went to Japan to clear his head. The people around them also encouraged to take this time away from each other and get out of character. But they still found their way back as XZ/WYB. 🤍

The main thing in this song tho is— everything is lovely because you (xz) are in everything. 😭😭😭😭

-END.

#yizhan #bjyx #there is no science here i’m just clowning like i always do

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loudclan-clangen · 3 months

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Hey there!

Checking out Loudclan? That's great! Thanks so much!

Loudclan was originally planned to be drawn as I played the game like most other clangen blogs... Then I got frustrated about how slow it was moving and played ahead. Just a little bit, nothing to worry about, only about 1000 moons. So this blog should be running for A WHILE. I also take pretty big liberties with the designs and events. I think it's more interesting that way! Also it's been several real life months since I started playing and some things I just... forgot. Or lost. Either way, it's fun to stretch my creative skills.

As for the mechanics of the blog:

General Content Warnings Include:

Death, Animal Death, (Cat Death specifically), Death in Childbirth, Violence, Murder, Illness, Gore, Bad Parenting, Cheating, Affairs, Drama, Cursing, Language, Dirty Jokes, ECT. (if i missed something please let me know)

Updates are not going to be on a consistent schedule... ever. I'm a college student. I just don't have the time or energy.

The style is going to vary wildly. It's been years since I've consistently drawn cats and I wasn't ever really happy with the way I did it back then anyway. Come along for the ride with me! I'm just as surprised by what my hands create as you guys!

Overview:

Loudclan is set in a fictional location that is based on South Central Alaska. A group of rogues fled up the mountains to get away from the deep snows of the valleys at the beginning of a particularly harsh winter. The clan follows three "Leaders" in the form of the Leader, the Lead Healer, and the Lead Mediator. These leaders will each pass their position on to their oldest heir, the closest related member of their direct family. Issues regarding what happens when two cats have similar claims have yet to be sorted out by the clan, and may never be fully decided... *insert mysterious foreshadowing sounds*

If you are interested in more of a deep dive into the lore check out this post: Lore, or anything tagged #loudclanlore .

Want to see a list of all of the Loudclan cats? Go here: Allegiances.

Asks are welcome! I will do my best to answer them quickly and efficiently! I am happy to talk about characters, art, process, gameplay, pretty much anything. (I probably won't be showing sprites though, just because I've played ahead so far and a not insignificant amount of them are just... gone. Lost to the ether. Sacrificed so that my laptop could keep running the game.) All asks are tagged #loudclanasks .

Also fanart/writing/edits are more than welcome! You guys are so cool and talented and I am honored that you would want to make something based on my dumb little pixel cats. Referencing or imitating my style/designs/layout is absolutely allowed, just make sure to mention me so I don't miss them! All fan contributions are tagged #loudclanfan .

I will never complain about anyone "blowing up my notifications" or spam liking. I think it's so neat to see people go through the blog liking as they go. Don't worry about it. I enjoy seeing you enjoy my work!

A little bit about me, you can call me "D"! I use any pronouns, I'm pretty ambivalent about them but the majority of people use she/her for me and I'm fine with that. I'm 20, I live most of the time in Alaska and part time on a ranch in Texas and I'm working on my BA in Elementary Education. I started reading Warriors in 2nd Grade and stopped in 6th Grade but the brain worms never die. If you know me in real life no you don't: It took me all of high school to kill the furry allegations I'm not going through that again. Oh, and my main blog is @restinginpiecesofpizza but warning, there's spoilers for Owlstar's family tree for like 8 generations posted on there.

Anyway, thanks for checking out my blog! I hope you enjoy!

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argisthebulwark · 1 year

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d’you think any of our faves (bryn, teldryn, miraak, Erik, honestly whoever you wanna talk abt because I just like seeing your thoughts) would trek up high hroth if the LDB got injured after the main quest. like ‘cannot get down this shitfuck mountain’ injured. i am a sucker for the ‘person taking care of their injured partner’ trope I will admit.

OOOH this is interesting. i like this. Sorry if i write too much, gonna put it under a cut just in case.

it's sfw, just long. the fellas included are: Erik, Vilkas, Brynjolf & Teldryn. if there's anyone you think i missed pls let me know i actually really liked writing this!

edit: the last two fellas aren't showing up for a lot of people because tumblr is a good website. i added them here!

Erik would absolutely trek his ass up that mountain. He'd probably try to take on one too many frost trolls and end up with a minor injury himself but hey, he made it in one piece. If his timing was bad enough he might even have Klimmek's pack slung over one shoulder. "Hi honey." He'd kneel before the bed the Greybeards had lent you, hand running through your hair. His heart would twist at the state of you - blood staining the armor he'd helped buckle you into, bruises of all shades covering your arms. But he'd keep the smile on his face because that glimmer in your eye makes it all worth it. "You're here." You'd get choked up at the state of him - cheeks bright red from the chilly air, every inch of him wrapped in mismatched layers, that familiar smile on his face. "You came all the way here." "Anything for you." He'd kiss your hand, noting the swollen state of your wrist. "You know that." He'd try to not treat you any differently. He knew what it felt like to be coddled and didn't want you to feel like that. Instead he walked you through the stretches and helped you regain your health bit by bit, filling you in on what had happened in your absence. He'd still be in awe that he was allowed to love the Dragonborn, that you'd helped him fulfill what he felt was his destiny. He would absolutely carry you back down the mountain without a second thought. As soon as the Greybeards assured him that you were well enough to move he'd swaddle you into every layer of clothing he'd hauled up, lift you onto his back and remind you to hold on tight.

Vilkas would roll his eyes when someone informed him that you'd gone after the World Eater alone. He couldn't count the amount of times he'd told you to take help - you were a Companion after all, you needed backup. But no, you'd gone off alone to get yourself killed. Despite all his grumbling he'd find himself stomping up that god damned mountain. He consoled himself by counting each stair he found, intent on learning whether or not there truly were seven thousand blasted steps. He'd ignore the growing worry gnawing at his chest until he found himself face to face with the ancient stone doors grinding open just for him. When he stepped inside the frigid building he'd maintain the façade - allowing the Greybeards to lead him to where you rested, leg propped up and covered in bandages. The urge to tell them how poorly they'd taken care of you gave way when he heard the shock in your voice as you said his name. "You're surprised?" He'd snort, edging into the bed beside you. He told himself that it was merely to check on the state of you, nothing to do with the relief he felt when you curled closer to him. "This isn't the first time I've had to collect you." During the nights when sleep evaded you he would remind you what awaited back at Jorrvaskr; the crackling fire that would keep you warm, the comfortable bed, the friendly faces, the good food. He would find himself dozing off with your head on his chest while he talked of home. He'd stay with you until he was sure you were well enough to make it down, reminding you to keep an arm around his shoulder. When you flashed him one of those looks that drove him mad, the one that left his heart fluttering in the most obnoxious way, he'd remind you to mind the icy stairs.

Brynjolf would be out of the Cistern in an instant. He'd already grieved you once and wasn't willing to do it again. As soon as the courier arrived with an explanation of your situation he'd be shouting instructions at Delvin and Vex and throwing everything he owned into a backpack. He'd arrive in the dead of night. Moonlight guided him up the mountain and allowed him to stay out of the way of most beasts. Terror would be with him every step of the way - the snow, the hike, the fear of losing you, it was all too familiar. The fear would be choking him every step of the way, refusing to stop or rest until he could see you once again. He'd arrive a shivering mess, barely hearing Arngeir's explanation of what had transpired. He didn't care where you'd gone, all that mattered was that you were still breathing. "Bryn." He'd hate the shock in your voice as if you hadn't expected him to show up. He couldn't respond, merely falling into bed beside you. He would be mindful of your injuries when his fingers trailed along your body over and over, reassuring himself that you were whole, you were safe. "I don't think I've ever seen you this far from home before." "Anywhere for you, lass." He'd breathe into your scratchy blanket, pulling you in close to his chest. "To the ends of the world." He wouldn't take a single chance with your health. Even after the Greybeards insisted that you were well enough to walk he'd insist on doing most of the work, allowing you to walk only once the snow and ice thinned and he could see the grass again. Even when you stood on your own two feet his hands would never be far away.

Teldryn would grumble about the snow reminding him too much of Windhelm but he would do it. He'd have to layer extra clothes under his armor to fight off that god awful wind chill but he'd do it. He'd gotten the feeling that something was wrong when he didn't hear from you - you always checked in with him. That old panic from his last patron would nag at him. He couldn't bear the thought of losing you too, not after all you'd been through together, the feelings you'd blurted out for him one night after one too many drinks or that smile you saved just for him. "Couldn't help yourself, could you?" He'd tease, kicking the pack full of your clothes toward your bed. He would relish in the shock written across your bruised face for just a moment. "I've followed you across continents and you're surprised I show up here? Give me a little more credit, sera." "I'm so glad to see you, Tel." His heart would ache at the teary tone of your voice. He'd give up the teasing and sit down on the edge of your bed, carefully checking over the battered state of your body. Finally that anxiety would lessen when he knew you were safe, he wasn't going to lose you. He would joke about making you carry him down the mountain when you were finally stable enough to leave. When you rolled your eyes at him and hobbled toward the steps he would remove the heaviest pieces of his armor and allow you to clamber onto his back. He'd relish in the press of your lips to his throat and the way you squeezed around him through every complaint about the snow and ice. "Let's retire to Solstheim." He'd smile at the words you speak against his shoulder, fingers clutching the front of his sweater. "I'll buy that empty house in Raven Rock and we'll never do anything or go anywhere ever again." "Sounds good to me, love."

#beloved mutuals #asks #writing #skyrim #erik the slayer #vilkas #brynjolf #miraak #teldryn sero #farkas

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epicbuddieficrecs · 7 months

Text

Weekly recap | October 16th-29th 2023 (Part One)

I've got a banner now! What do you guys think? 😃 Two weeks of fics, it's a long one, I hope you enjoy!

(Edit: yes it says PART ONE because apparently I've read so many fics Tumblr can't handle the amount of links 😭)

Complete

I Was Betting On Forever (But Forever Comes And Goes) by callmenewbie/ @callmenewbie (Car accident | 4K | Teen): Eddie gets a call from Buck in the middle of the night and it’s about as bad as one would expect

Take My Hand and Let’s Pretend by giselleslash/ @gigi-gigi (Getting together | 4K | General): Christopher shows Eddie and Buck how to make braided rings, Eddie does something unexpected, and Buck loses a bit of his sanity over it all.

Love and Bullets Both Shatter Hearts (But Only One Can Put You Back Together) by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels/ @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels (Spies AU | 11K | Explicit): Agent [Redacted] Diaz is the best at what he does. Usually. But lately there's this real pain in the ass* who's been ruining his missions: Code Name "Buck." *stupidly handsome and annoyingly talented rival spy

Guilt Takes a Lunch Break at Two in the Morning by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels/ @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels (PWP, Sexual Fantasy | 1,8K | Explicit): Eddie's married, and he's never going to cheat. Even if his wife hasn't been around. Buck knows Eddie's married, and he's probably not into men, and he won't ruin the best friendship he's ever had. Doesn't mean either of them can't imagine other things.

Direct Deposit by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels/ @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels (PWP, Buck/Connor/Kameron but it's still endgame Buddie | 10K | Explicit): Buck's asked to contribute the old-fashioned way.

in the middle by honestlydarkprincess/ @honestlydarkprincess (PWP, Buck/Eddie/Natalia but endgame Buddie | 4K | Explicit): Or, Eddie walks in on friends with benefits Buck and Natalia. Buck and Eddie figure out their feelings and then the three of them have some fun.

🔥 Your Love is an Oil Slick (It Glows like Rainbows, It Stains My Soul) by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels/ @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels (Canon Divergent - Supernatural Elements, Ghost Buck | 67K | Explicit): When Eddie's son claims he has an imaginary friend, Eddie doesn't think much of it. Christopher is seven, it's what kids do. But then weird things start happening around the house, and Eddie starts dreaming about a handsome blue-eyed man. Turns out, Christopher's friend isn't so imaginary. Their house is haunted.

🔥 my words are paper tigers by hattalove/ @hattalove (Time Loop, Canon Divergent | 20K | Teen): or: buck breaks up with eddie, even if it means losing a part of himself, because it's the right thing to do. the universe decides to test that conviction.

all i wanna do right now. by dylaesthetics (Season 6, Coming Out | 4K | Teen): Eddie starts acting out of character. Buck worries.

remember to remember me by Daffi_990_ao3/ @hannah-ruth-990 (Canon-Divergent, Post-Lightning, Amnesia | 31K | Explicit): Buck and Eddie finally get together only for lightning to strike a few days later, leaving Buck with no memories of them ever becoming a couple.

toy with me by honestlydarkprincess/ @honestlydarkprincess (PWP, Post-S6 | 2K | Explicit): Or, the one where Eddie accidentally walks in on Buck using his new toy.

i am never without it by Maira/ @carrierofthepaperclips (Getting Together | 3K | Teen): Buck takes them out slowly, reverently, giving them their own place on the bedspread. It takes him longer than he thinks - while there aren’t really that many items, he lingers over each one, memories flashing through his mind like quicksilver. He shouldn’t have opened this box.

My dandelion tell me when you've made your mind // Kinktober Day 23 - Overstimulation by Heyimbeccah (PWP, BDSM | 1K | Explicit): Eddie's eyes light up as he rubs his thumb over his cock again and again, drawing a series of whimpers from his throat. "It's gonna hurt, baby," he whispers. "Please," Buck says, his voice breaking.

🔥 stupid people. by brewrosemilk/ @gayhoediaz (Canon Divergent, Sex Worker Buck | 160K | Explicit): New in Los Angeles, and having recently admitted to himself that he's gay, Eddie figures that hiring a sex worker might be a good way to keep his private life cut off from his job and his son. A way to keep things from becoming too complicated. It works. For a while.

believe in one thing (i won't go away) by heartbeatdiaz/ @loserdiaz (Canon Divergent, Post-Coma | 24K | Mature): the one where buck is figuring out stuff after waking up from a coma, eddie misses his best friend and they go to couple's therapy.

you're where i stand, hearing the sea by Maira/ @carrierofthepaperclips (Getting Together | 3K | Teen): ... or the one with the accidental kiss.

With Great Power Comes Great Pining by Princessfbi/ @princessfbi (Post-Lightning, Getting Together | 10K | Teen): It was the lightning strike. That had to be it. It was the only logical conclusion. Though, when it comes to being able to suddenly read people’s minds, Buck supposed there wasn’t a whole lot of logic involved. Well… Not people. Just… Eddie’s mind.

look straight ahead if you like it slow by hattalove/ @hattalove (PWP, Established Buddie | 6K | Explicit): “This gets you going, huh?” Eddie grins, propping himself up on his elbows so he can move higher on the bed, reach the pretty pink bow of Buck’s mouth. “Devotion? You being it for me?” He stretches up toward Buck’s ear, whispers: “Monogamy?”

your long day is over now by hattalove/ @hattalove (Post Season 5, Pre-Buddie | 4K | Teen): or, buck leaves, then comes back home again.

been yours longer than i haven't by hattalove/ @hattalove (Friends to Lovers | 1K | Teen): in which buck tries dating, and eddie has an embarrasing number of oh moments.

never want for more when you're near by hattalove/ @hattalove (Getting Together | 4K | Teen): in which buck gets drunk and sleeps with eddie. except does he?

baby, it's halloween (we can be anything) by heartbeatdiaz/ @loserdiaz (Post-Lawsuit | 2K | Teen): After Eddie forgives him and after they share that hug, Eddie invites Buck to come spend the night of Halloween with Chris and him, where he belongs. More feelings come to light and everything works out for the better.

baby, loving you's the real thing by hattalove/ @hattalove (First Kiss | 2K | Teen): in which eddie, very literally, has a brush with buck 1.0.

can't do a love song (not the way you sang them to me) by hattalove/ @hattalove (Post-Season 1, Neighbours AU | 7K | Mature): in which buck sleeps around for healthy reasons, and thinks about his next-door neighbor a healthy amount.

california wishing on these stars by hattalove/ @hattalove (Post-Season 5, Getting Together | 21K | Teen): in which 'tis the season, buck is single again, and eddie is being very brave about it.

pretty in pink by honestlydarkprincess/ @honestlydarkprincess (PWP, Panties | 4K | Explicit): Or, the one where Eddie finds out Buck's little secret and Buck wrongly assumes he has a problem with it so Eddie has to set things straight.

sucker for pain by prettyboybuckley/ @prettyboybuckley (PWP, Spanking | 2K | Explicit): OR: Buck gets spanked in one of his most intimate places

Make So Much Smoke it Sparks a Fire by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels/ @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels (PWP, Succubi&Incubi | 7K | Explicit): Incubi and succubi are not about sex. They're about lust. Desire. The build up. Driving you so insane that sex is all you can think about, all you want, all you need. Pushing you right over the edge. Naturally, Buck and Eddie like to have fun with this.

Love Like the Ocean (Dirties Your Body, Cleans Your Soul) by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels/ @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels (Mermaid Buck, PWP | 5K | Explicit): Eddie and Buck have been dating for a while, but practicalities have prevented them from having sex in Buck's true form. That's about to change.

I Love Oklahoma by chicklette/ @chicklette (Getting Together | 1,7K | General): Sometimes, you need to be able to call someone out without it being everything. Sometimes, you just need to make a hole and say here: spill it out here. We can grow it or bury it as needed, but you gotta get it out.

lost in your current like a priceless wine by heartbeatdiaz/ @loserdiaz (Established Buddie | 2K | Teen): Eddie jumps into conclusions, him and Karen get drunk and Buck is tired but also amused. It all works in the end.

may these memories break our fall by heartbeatdiaz/ @loserdiaz (Canon Divergent, Married Buddie, Amnesia | 6K | Teen): or: eddie is a soldier coming home for christmas, he wants to surprise his husband and son for the holiday but things don't go as planned.

then through the phone ( came all your tears ) by heartbeatdiaz/ @loserdiaz (Post-Season 5, Dispatcher Eddie | 3K | Teen): After leaving the 118, Eddie becomes a 911 dispatcher.

put on a slow dumb show for you by fleetinghearts/ @shitouttabuck (Getting Together | 2K | Teen): or, they’re sleepy and a little drunk and buck’s one step behind

it can't be unlearned (i've known the warmth of you) by heartbeatdiaz/ @loserdiaz (Werewolf Buck | 4K | Teen): He thinks maybe he fell asleep and he's having a weird dream or something. There's a big— a huge— wolf curling on itself and sleeping soundly where his coffee table should be.

spinning faster than the plane that took you by heartbeatdiaz/ @loserdiaz (Canon Divergent, Post-Coma | 9K | Teen): or: Buck flees to the other side of the world, they're both miserable and also pining idiots in love. Somehow it all works out in the end.

baby, let the games begin by heartbeatdiaz/ @loserdiaz (Post-Season 5, Getting Together | 3K | Teen): There's a baseball game, Eddie pines and Hen is so done with these two idiots.

🔥 Don't They Know It's the End of the World? by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Fallout 4 AU, Post-Apocalyptic | 32K | Mature | Warning: Violence): After being put in a cryogenic sleep for over a hundred years to wait out an apocalyptic event, Eddie Diaz wakes up, too early, to find his son has been stolen from his cryo-chamber. Scared and alone in a frightening world he doesn't recognize, Eddie is willing to do anything to get his kid back.

WIP

and here, too, am i by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Future fic, Married Buddie | 1/3 | 11K | Teen): Six months into their marriage, Eddie is still struggling to decide whether or not he wants more kids, when he knows Buck does. The universe may not scream, but it certainly talks.

🔥 Things We're All Too Young to Know by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Canon, S1 through S6 | 96/? | 245K | Mature): This is a love story. Even if it doesn’t always look like it. Even if it doesn’t always feel like it. A look back on Eddie and Buck's lives up to now, and what led them to each other, interpreted from the current 9-1-1 canon.

Innocence died screaming, honey, ask me I should know by JJK/ @trenchcoatsandtimetravel (Demon Buck, Canon Divergent | 5/? | 9K | Teen): Buck is a demon with the power to help with pregnancy, childbirth, and infant health. When the Buckleys make a deal asking for someone to help 'save their baby', Buck leaps at the chance as it will give him what he's always wanted: a life on earth. But demon deals are tricky and neither of them gets quite what they're after. This is Buck's journey as he navigates growing up on earth and remembering how to help those in need.

Re-Read

I Opened My Eyes and There You Were by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels/ @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels (Post-Season 3, Getting Together | 4K | Explicit): In which Buck provides the dots and Eddie finally connects them.

Drowning in Dreams (You're My Raft) by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels/ @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels Post-Tsunami, Getting Together | 5K | Explicit): In which Buck sleeps his way into a relationship with Eddie, but not in the way you'd think.

Like a Sack of Bricks by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels/ @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels (Getting Together | 2K | Teen): One word from Christopher, and Eddie's realizing he's made a serious miscalculation about his best friend.

Love Like Taffy by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels/ @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels (PWP, Dom/Sub | 4K | Explicit): Buck likes it when Eddie puts him in his place. And Eddie's noticed.

🔥 let's hear it for the boy by hattalove/ @hattalove (Post-Season 5, Coming Out | 56K | Teen): in which eddie attends a self-empowerment group for gbtq men to supplement his therapy, and is empowered to: forgive himself, say "i'm gay" to his own reflection in the mirror, accidentally adopt an adult, make fried rice, and tell his straight best friend that he's in love with him. not necessarily in that order.

rainbows have nothing to hide by hattalove/ @hattalove (Getting Together | 3K | Teen): how is eddie diaz like kermit the frog? let buck and christopher count the ways. (Part 1 of the kermit verse)

this savoir faire by hattalove/ @hattalove (Established Buddie | 5K | Teen): or, the one in which embracing the meme life turns out to be more complicated than eddie expected. (Part 2 of the kermit verse)

#buddie #buddie fic rec #buddie fanfic #buddie fic #epic buddie fic rec #911 fanfiction #911 fic #911 fanfic

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gremlin-bot · 2 years

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This is based off this prompt from @stealingyourbones! Now this does have Hanahaki disease in it as well as blood and things to do with the lungs if y'all don't like that! this is also my first time writing for DC.

Edit: Here is the ao3 link

Blooming Death, Please Love Me

Danny never thought he would get Hanahaki disease after the accident. He was too busy with ghosts and general survival. He sees that he is wrong now, with burning lungs and the taste of iron on his tongue. Small red petals cupped in now bloody hands. Most would think it was a rose in his lungs, but Danny can feel they are not. His core hurts, lungs burn, and blood blossoms bloom in his lungs.

Danny sighs. He'll have to deal with this later, his break is almost up and he still has half of his shift left. He just hopes Tim doesn't come in while he's working, his lungs and core wouldn't be able to take it.

Danny usually works nights in a 24/7 coffee shop next to the Gotham University campus. It pays well enough for his shitty crime alley apartment, plus he can go there straight after his classes. He didn't expect to see any vigilantes during his working hours, but Red Robin's coffee addiction won't rest (much like the vigilante himself).

Now vigilantes aren't the only high profile people to tumble in during Danny's shifts. The Wayne family, for some ungodly reason, tends to stop in. According to his co-workers, they mostly stop in only during his shift. Danny thinks they are liars. Why would they only come during his shift, it's not like he does anything that would catch their attention. He's mostly retired from the hero gig and keeps invisible during his ghostly flights.

Danny is just a normal tired college student trying to get through his shifts. Really he should have known that could never happen. The thing with being a barista is that you get really good at recognizing voices. So, when Red Robin came in a couple hours after Tim Drake with the same tired but steady voice, well Danny didn't tell a soul.

It's a Friday night and his lungs burn. Danny is trying his best to stay calm. Fixing the mess his heart got him into might turn his half-life into a bigger tragedy than it already was. To think his second death was blooming in his lungs over a hot, too smart for his own good, vigilante. Danny coughs, petals brush and burn his throat. They sit on the tip of his tongue, like the words he has yet to say. Blood blossoms, the only damn flower he couldn't live through. He was going to die from the burning of his chest and core. Spitting out the poison of his heart's creation, Danny gets back to work.

It was a slow night, not surprising considering Gotham is still recovering from a break out at Arkham. The chances of Tim showing up should be high but Red Robin hasn't been seen in the streets lately. Danny really should stop thinking about him, his core aches, but he really can't help but worry.

___________

Tim was tired of not being able to take a full breath. He never had Hanahaki disease before. Never fell this hard for someone. This unexpected event put him out of commission for anything related to the bats and the birds. He hated it but couldn't blame them, not when he let it get this bad.

Tim's petals didn't start with the first time he saw Danny but damn was it close. A cute guy that doesn't even blink at the amount of espresso shots he asked for, isn't what kept Tim drawn to Danny. No it was his snark and brain. Tim often sees him working on some engineering project. If he has time, Tim will get Danny to ramble on what he's doing. Danny was brilliant. If he wasn't a full time student, Tim would have tried to snatch him for Wayne Enterprises.

He really hoped that the rest of his family didn't catch on to his crush, but hope can only take you so far. It was Dick that called him out on it. He is also the one to text it to the sibling group chat, like the trader he is. They make bets to find the person that has Tim looking like a love sick puppy. The first petal is coughed up, unnoticed by the family of great detectives, hidden under tongue and deflective words.

Tim didn't look at the first petal, or the second or third. He refused to believe that his heart was gone this quick, before his family even had a chance to look for the boy who wanted to touch the stars. Another cough, more petals.

Jason is the one to find Danny first, surprisingly. He wasn't even trying to look either, but hey he'll take winnings anyway. Since then the rest of his siblings stalked the coffee shop for the boy to make sure he was good for Tim. Honestly Tim wouldn't be surprised if Bruce knew what was happening and was helping them.

The commotion of his siblings hid his flowering lungs well, but at this point denial was useless. Tim fell hard for Danny, a cute boy with a brilliant mind to match. Tim coughs hard. Lungs rattling as a whole handful of petals fall from his mouth to his dinner plate past his poorly cupped hands. Everyone stops around him, it's silent. Tim for the first time looked at the petals from his lungs, white Chrysanthemums are the flowers suffocating him. Concerned chaos enraptured him.

Bruce pulls him from patrol, even after Arkum's break out. Everyone is walking on eggshells around him, well almost everyone. Jason doesn't feel the irrational guilt of worsting Tim's flower with teasing and the like. Tim may hate the situation he got himself into but at least someone is being sensible about it, (unlike himself).

It's around the time he would stop in to see Danny as Red Robin, when Jason checks in on him. Tim is coughing up whole flower heads, their roots pulling at the inside of his lungs with a long stinging sensation that turns into a stab with each convulsion. Hands hold him upright as the petals stop falling from his mouth.

Jason looks worried before sighing, his face shifting to a shit eating smirk. "It's been a week and here I thought you are smart enough to confess"

"You just saw me cough up a garden and that's what you say to me? Unbelievable!" Tim flat start is barely held as he fights a slightly hysterical laugh.

"Really living life here, Timbo. How's those flowers tasting? Not good I assume but clearly you like them enough to keep them so fucking long"

"Yeah, yeah, I get it. I should confess and shit, but I'm on mandatory bed rest. If Alfred catches me going out, I think I'll die from the disappointment."

Jason smirks turns smug "Good thing I already told him I was taking you out so you can take care of your sad love life. Come on let's go before your boy toy’s shift ends"

This sends Tim into a panic. He is nowhere near ready to go outside the manor least of all talk to Danny, but Jason doesn't care. He throws Tim over his shoulder and turns to walk out of Tim's room.

"Wait! Wait! Wait!!" Tim pleads "I'm not even sure if Danny likes guys and I'm not meeting him looking like I've been dying the past week!"

"The dying thing is true and you know it but I guess you can get changed." Jason relents, setting Tim down. "Be out by my bike in 10 or I'm hunting you down"

Tim scurries to his closet. Okay, he's doing this. To think that out of all of his siblings it would be Jason that finally gets him to confess. Tim is going to make him pay for his coffee when this is all over.

___________

Danny's shift is almost over, and there is still no sign of Red Robin. Not seeing him for a week shouldn't worry him this much, Tim could be on a business trip for all Danny knows. Actually he would know, Tim has a habit of complaining about having to leave for them.

His core burns as a red vapor starts to trickle up his throat. Hanahaki disease shouldn't be taking over his lungs this fast, but life decided to deal him a bad hand. Danny painfully swallows the vapor. He just has to make it to the end of his shift, he'll call Jazz for help then.

He is resting his head on the counter with his eyes closed, trying to manage the blooming pain. He is the only one here tonight besides his manager Anna. The bell above the door rings out into the quiet shop. He stands up from his resting position putting on his customer service smile.

Tim is standing just in the door. Their blue eyes meet and red vapor fills his burning lungs. Danny is going to drown in petals and green flaked blood. Danny starts coughing hard, not even trying to hide the bloody petals falling from his lips, nor the vapor rolling up into the air.

Tim rushes to the counter, his own petals starting to fall from him. At the same time Danny's manager walks out from the back, stopping him from vaulting over the counter. She looks startled before seeing their collection of petals.

"Danny, you can take the rest of your shift off. I'll cover the rest just to figure your shit out before you come in next okay." She says while helping Danny up.

He glances at Tim then back at her before nodding. "Okay, I'll clean the mess-"

"No. I got it, plus I think that you'll only make it worse at the moment." She gives him a small smile, while shoo-ing to the back so he can grab his things.

"Well, since you are waiting for him, is there anything I can get you?" She asked.

Oh right Tim forgot Jason was there. His brain shut off when he saw Danny crumple from a familiar cough. The red vapor and amount of blood mixed with the petals was concerning but hopefully that will be fixed after this. Petals fill his mouth as he orders him and Danny coffee. Pushing Jason to the counter to pay as they discussed (argued) on the way there.

Danny comes out the same time their order is done. Tim grabs the drinks and walks up to the cause of the flowers blooming in his lungs. Danny looks nervous, but smiles at Tim with slightly bloody teeth anyway. That shouldn't be hot. Tim blushes as he holds back the worst of his coughs. Petals puff out of his mouth like the first fallen leaves in autumn caught in the wind. Danny giggles as his own bloody petals fall.

"Man, I guess we got each other huh." Danny sighs

"Yeah, wanna talk about it? It's a little late to take you out for dinner, unless you want Batburger?" Tim leads Danny out of the coffee shop, leaving Jason behind.

"Batburger for a first date doesn't sound too bad." Danny grins, and the pull in his lungs disappears. The last of the Chrysanthemums petals leave his mouth. He looks at Danny hoping to see the same, but Danny looks anxious and in pain still.

"But, before that there's something I have to tell you. If we are doing this it would be unfair for you to not know" Danny takes a deep breath and turns to look at Tim. He really shouldn't tell Tim but he'll have to trust him.

"I'm half ghost. I had a lab accident when I was younger that killed me but brought me back… mostly. Now I can turn into a ghost and have ghost power. Also fangs but that's less important and I'm rambling now. Please say something."

Tim blinked "Well that wasn't what I was expecting but at this point, it could be worse. I believe and accept you. We can talk more about that later in a different place." Tim said, looking hopefully at Danny.

The burning in Danny's lungs stopped with one last drag of red vapor and bloody petals fall from his lips. He relaxes and takes Tim's hand.

"Good, because the flowers that were in my lungs are like one of the only thing that can kill ghosts and they fucking burned. Anyway, where is the nearest Batburger?" Danny says, casual as ever.

"Wait, WHAT!!"

#dp x dc #danny fenton #danny phantom #tim drake #dc x dp #brain dead #dp x dc crossover #dp x dc prompt #tim drake x danny fenton #hanahaki #blood blossums #tw blood #danny phantom au #ao3 link #Petals and Arrays of The Dead and Those Yet To Be #Writing on the walls

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night-market-if · 1 year

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Dev Blog 7/1/23

Hello my reader!

I'm here with a mini development blog for you all. So far I have added to the base game something like 40k more words. This is not including coding. I have also cleaned up some code errors that wouldn't let you get past the Deep, and negated a conversation with Hazel in the last chapter.

All I have left now is a clean up of some minor name codes and the editing of all the NSFW scenes. Then I can have a few people beta it and I can redo the UI of the game.

I would also like to say that the asexual route within the game is going to change a bit. The more I have learned about asexuality, the more it has come to my attention that there are a vast amount of ways that this can be represented. So, I have decided to address this by allowing an option to have a conversation about this with your RO before any NSFW scene. It can be that the MC doesn't like sex at all to the MC not opposed to it when it feels right. I know this is going to not satisfy some people but this is kind of what I feel comfortable writing. I feel like, at this point in my writing career, I just don't know how to approach it in the variation that asexuality actually is. That might change as I continue writing but for now, that's how I would like to keep it.

That being said, the sexuality code in general has also changed. You no longer have a code saying you are attracted to just men or just women. You can flirt with whoever you want without consequence. You can also deny anyone you want without consequence. Instead, I will just be coding in when you choose which RO you wish to explore the Night Market with. Polys will of course come after all of that. I felt this was also a fair representation. If you are someone who does not want to flirt with a certain gender, then don't chose the flirt options for it. It will then not open any of the flirtation scenes. Or, you know, tell Milo and Bella to just back off. :)

Now onto some personal stuff.

I am stressed. I mean, like really stressed. I thought I would have everything done by today and I am not done. Mainly, I feel bad for my Kickstarter backers. I have so much I owe them and everything is only in about the 70% done area. I am so sorry guys. I have been beating myself up over this for a while now when it became clear that this was far more work than I thought. It's crazy to me. I'm absent from Tumblr and Discord at this point and yet I have been busier with work than I've ever been.

I'm also terrified I'm just not doing enough to the base game. Things that I thought would fit great, ended up not fitting at all. Things that I thought would be an easy addition turned out to be way out of the realm of my capability. It's just all been a learning experience where I've felt like I'm letting you guys down.

And at the end of the day? I really just want to write Book 2.

I know I owe no one an explanation. I've just had this weird feeling I've had to battle the last few months where I am feeling like I have to choose between my family life and my work life. And I hate it. My husband took two weeks off work just so I could work like crazy and I am still not done which is bothering me. Which means weekends are sometimes spent not with my kids but instead working away again. And, because we are a split family, it isn't always like I can make up for this time mid week.

I'm not really looking for advice on this. I'm just kind of trying to be transparent. The stress is for sure getting to me and believe me, I am looking forward to this going up on Steam more than anyone at this point. And then I'm sure I'll spiral because I'll be certain somehow barely anyone will buy it. LOL! But hey, at least I just got two more cats to add to my life. They can purr away my stress that night.

That's everything guys. Thank you for being who you are and I promise you, I am taking care o myself. I'm just a stressed person by nature, I think.

I hope everyone else is having a good summer and you all are getting some wonderful reading time in. If you celebrate the 4th, here's to hoping you have lots of good food that day!

With love,

Zinnia

#dev blog #writing #interactive fiction #personal life #the night market

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dootznbootz · 3 months

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You mentioned Telemachus having sharp Naiad teeth. Imagine if he used those teeth to take out all the suitors. With Odysseus’ help of course.

Sadly, would probably leave him open and vulnerable to attacks :'D So he probably wouldn't unless really desperate.

Sharp naiad teeth are more for "I can rip through any fish scale and bone and be fine." as an adaptation for water life than for battles between mortals. Odysseus watches so lovingly seeing his Water wife and Water son devour whole fish.

Telemachus is around 37.5% Naiad and he'd probably be using water from the canals to trip suitors. Even then, he can only work with a certain amount of water. Penelope has MUCH more control and she's kind of there as well. Imagining Odysseus seeing a bunch of dudes drowning, only to realize it's not Telemachus, itches my brain. He starts cackling and gets a special bloodlust when he realizes she's "there". It's another reason why he's so hurt when she firsts rejects him as "We were basically flirting during our dinner, you drowned some suitors. You KNOW it's me! WHY?!" but uh...He doesn't know that Athena had to tell Penelope not to drown the "stranger". She was mostly trying to make sure Telemachus stays safe and along with you know, killing the suitors now that she has "permission". There's more to it but yeah lkasjdf sounds nuts but I think it'll work.

Penelope looked him in the eye during that dinner, tears still damp on her cheeks, and says "You say all these things but My Odysseus, who fidgets with his clothing and who bounces his knees in time with my own, would never leave me weeping while he sits. He would throw his arms around me!" "...He would if he could." Then he goes to sleep outside and she's pissed and he's a mess. :D The "Beggar" looks nothing like her husband but he moves and talks just like her love, his voice unsteady as he praises her. What the fuck is going on? Basically she knows it's him but also is like "Why would he keep himself from me?" Like how Odysseus tells HER during the treebed scene

And Athena is editing her fanfiction document for these two as "You little fucks weren't supposed to be doing this! I kept your tears from falling, Odysseus, why do you have to be such a sap?! Shit! Back to the storyboard."

Anyways!!! :D

Naiads usually don't bite people unless they feel they have no other option. Odysseus is an exception as he does have ONE "special bite" from his special wife because he's a little freak who wanted it rdtfygufgh. Penelope bit Palamedes on his forearm as he held her back as he took Telemachus from Anticlea and Penelope rushed after him. Odysseus is haunted by the image of both his wife and son sobbing while her teeth are stained with blood. He gets sick pleasure seeing that scar on Palamedes' arm before he gets him killed.

And as a whole, there are actually a couple "rules" Naiad born soldiers have to follow that are very important within war.

With battle, even if you ARE naiad born, you have to ask the river god "Hey, this is getting really bad. Can we work together for this?" As River gods are usually like "I am here for your consumption, bathing, and healing. You will not use my water for violence." (Why Achilles gets his ass kicked and why Naiad born soldiers don't just "drown people")

If someone/something is attacking your river or YOU, like an animal wreaking havoc (like the big catfish! :D ) or a person trying to kill a single naiadborn, then self defense is fine. Daphne got turned into a tree because Apollo outranks nymphs and the river gods. River gods don't fuck with Olympians but he still wanted to protect her.

Though once you have your own water source (canals, vase full, etc.) you're technically free to do whatever you want with it. (Penelope loves this loophole 😈 The Palace waters are hers. and Telemachus' too but you know.)

With the war aspect, however, there are so many wounds that are like "wow, you probably have an extreme infection or should've killed you eventually". BUT it's convenient when you have Naiad born soldiers that can "heal you up" (Penelope's brothers are part of Menelaus' army btw!!! :D )

It's kind of why it's become a "If a man is still alive when they're picked up and rescued, that doesn't mean shit. A naiad born person will fix it before they even bleed out. If they don't die instantly, they just come back."

Same with fighting among nymphs btw.

Even if you're naiad born, you can't just act like how you do at home with a foreign river. Feel free to jump and swim and wet your scales but stay out of their business. If the naiads of Athens decided to punish people by poisoning the waters, you, as a Spartan naiadborn, do not meddle! Can't start purifying it to give to the citizens. Maybe for your OWN people who came with you on the foreign expedition if you ask but don't meddle with foreign river problems. Each culture is different.

Took a while for Penelope to adjust and improve relations with Ithaca naiads because of this. And when Tyndareus and Icarius were exiled, it was a culture shock for them as they're 50% naiad. Even with non-naiadborn, it's a shock. Menelaus and Agamemnon were in Sparta during their own exile had to adjust too, though Menelaus definitely fit right in. (I'm so excited to write about 18-20 year old Agamemnon's first interaction with 9 year old Penelope. It's a misunderstanding at first but it's wholesome. Spoiler: Have you ever been in a place and then a random little kid starts talking to you and then they give you a leaf or something? YEAH >:D It's that but sillier. It's cute.)

Honestly, I'm playing around a lot with the whole "Sparta being very military-focused" thing as it's really kind of fun to think of people having children with naiads/naiadborn as somewhat of a strategy. If you can't have demigods, nymph born children are still better than fully mortal ones. It's why there ARE so many naiad born and why interactions are basically informal in Sparta in my fics compared to other places. Like Ithaca.

I got really offtrack but in conclusion: There are special rules and customs of each freshwater source. And how battles are affected by it. Telemachus doesn't bite any of the suitors but probably uses water to help him and to heal his and Eumeaus' wounds.

#Mad rambles #shot by odysseus #my headcanons #Water Wife #Naiads #I...I think a lot about this stuff. I have so much stupid lore that always needs explanationnnnn #ask #cjbolan #Odysseus loves his sharptoothed family🥹

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bainofjustice · 2 months

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Kitty's Notes On Episode 2 Of The Payday Web Series

It is really funny to me that they made a “previously on” part for a web show and to recap a episode that clocks in at 6 minutes

It's funny that Dallas & Houston have time for a very small argument. Also helps set up the insane amount of tension the web show portrays them having

The editing/camrea is so choppy like this isn't a review but omg I had to write that down

Okay it looks like Wolf keeps zip ties on his belt, makes sense both for the game stuff of tying up civis and also is probably helpful for his mechines

Chains and Houston demask INSIDE A FUCKING VAULT post running out of ammo and while they do tell the civis present to not look this is just such a bad idea especially because the vault is basically surrounded by cops

But also the bromance between Houston & Chains is real, like they're in a bad situation and they plan it out

Also it seems like Dallas and Wolf are the main movers of goods within this heist, I'm not sure they're the best picks but with the limits the gang had at the time I suppose they aren't the worst, it just feels like in general the plan doesn't cater to the real talents of the gang. Which tbh is probably because the web show is meant to be a ad, so they wanted more action which required mostly gun fights and they didn't do fight scenes in a intelligental way

Also I just realized for some reason Chains is using a damn hand gun meanwhile it's Houston with a assault rifle, which really doesn't seem catered to their skills

I just remembered a little later after writing the above that Chains mentioned being out of ammo for his own assault rifle so not as bad as I thought, still wonder why they didn't switch at any point, like it worked out but yeah

One thing I do like about the action scenes is that the gang uses more than juet guns and use melee attacks as well

Houston is able to flat out flip a guy over and steal his gun, I feel pretty confident in saying Houston has probably taken some hand to hand combat lessons.

Also it appears that both Dallas and Wolf are using assault rifles which makes sense given their roles in the heist.

WE GOT A WILHELM SCREAM!!!

In better lighting it seems Wolf actually has a shotgun which is even better for him actually

We see the escape driver when Dallas and Wolf are ambushed at the escape van, he appears to be at most middle age, white, brown hair, slightly fatter build and wears a black hoodie with a band or event tee-shirt under the hoodie, grabbing a pic to see if I can locate the shirt later.

We see several of Vlad's men during the ambush including who we later learn seems to be his right hand / personal bodyguard

Vlad's intro is so funny to me, like he holds the gang at gunpoint and stalls their escape and this actually manages to end with him getting the gang to work with him, like I am sure that Bain or Vlad carefully planned this part but it could have easily gone wrong if for example Wolf shoot someone without thinking it through, or if a officer managed to follow them to the van, especially since everyone unmasks!

Houston Vc: Do you know these guys?. Dallas, who is being held at gunpoint vc: does it look like I know these guys?

1. Vlad decides to shout “Bain” while explaining he is a ally, 2. He calls Bain in this instance “Mr Bain” which I find to be a fun detail of characterization and also to how at the time the only people sorta comfortable enough around Bain to be confident when saying his name and such is the core members of the Payday gan

Ah and then Dallas has to go back uncover which requires faking a injury, which he lets Houston do the honors of punching him, only adding to the family feud they seem to have in the web series. Also this one punch is enough to knock Dallas to the ground.

Also funnily Dallas or should I say, “Nathen Steele” is the one to call in the first world bank heist

Bain vapes! We see him vape, we also hear him in game talk about smoking cigars, so either he does both or in my opinion more likely he lies about the details of his smoking habits even to the gang.

We can see that Bain wears a leather jacket with a design on the back & front when in his lair, the design most looks like fire to me but it's very dark, I would love to someday see some behind the scenes footage or something with the costume.

#talk tag #payday 2 #payday #meta #my meta #payday web series #payday chains #payday wolf #payday houston #payday dallas #Natehen Steele #vlad kozak #smoking mention #bain #dallas #Houston #chains #wolf #payday bain

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justsome-di · 6 months

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The Fairest of All Stars Should Be Your Next Read: a presentation by Di, the author

The Fairest of All Stars is my most recent project! A sapphic romance, pirates, sirens--god, what else can someone ask for?

Stars is a fun, short novel. It's currently only being posted on Patreon, but you'll be able to read it for free soon(ish). This isn't an ad for my Patreon, I promise. It's just my system.

If you're not super into fantasy but like some elements from the genre--this is good for you. There's no big magic systems or other worlds, but there is lore behind the sirens.

You'll be able to read it for free in 2024: Edit: You can now begin reading TFOAS for free at these links!

On Patreon (join for free)

On AO3

Right here on Tumblr!

It'll be a good time.

Transcript of presentation under cut:

What's it about?

Are you in the mood for some lesbian pirate/siren romance? Of course you are! When are you not?

So, listen, we have Andy. Everyone’s favorite gremlin. She’s the captain of a pirate ship, recovering from not so great tropical fever that wiped out a good chunk of her crew.

One night, her ship comes across a siren tangled in fishing net, not doing so hot. Andy takes her aboard and while the siren recovers, learns a lot about her.

But uh-oh Andy is wanted by a Navy Captain, and he manages to find her ship after years of hunting.

Okay tell me about Andy and Syan

Andy:

Never meant to be pirate captain but here she is. Living the dream (not really).

Andy trusts very few people. Despite being brilliant, a brutal fighter and cutthroat at sea, she has a hard time running her crew.

Syan:

The runt of the litter. Not as strong as the rest of her choir, she got left behind during an encounter with fishermen.

She’s curious but prone to bad moods. She’s a loner looking for a place to belong.

More about them

Andy panicked years ago while cornered by Captain Bettridge and stabbed him through the hand. She’s been hoping to get her knife back ever since. Bettridge really wants her dead, though, so she has to be careful.

Syan and Andy would be pretty badass in normal circumstances but they’re poor little meow meows in this story

There’s another cool guy. His name is Pinkey. He’s the ship’s gunner. You guys will like him, I promise. He’s Syan’s bff.

Syan and Andy are immediately attracted to each other. Andy is a monster-fucker and Syan is into messy women who are hoarders and misplace everything under piles of junk.

Okay but tell me more about the story

Set in the Golden Age of Piracy, Andy and her crew come face to face with danger--mythical and imperialistic. There’ll be sword fighting and gun-wielding and all sorts of adventure.

It’s not really found-family, either, it’s more of like found tolerance.

Is this well-researched? No. Not really. But it’s fantasy, and it’s fun. We can make some excuses here and there.

*whispers* is there lesbian sex?

yes of course there’s lesbian sex you think Andy is going to pass up on that opportunity?

Can I read this anywhere?

Right now, the only place to read bi-weekly updates is my Patreon--but I promise this isn’t an ad for my Patreon.

I’ll be posting it for free once a substantial amount is up on Patreon. You’ll be able to find it on AO3, Tumblr, and you’ll be able to see it for free on Patreon once I made it public.

Keep your eye out for it! btw, you can also join my Patreon for free and get notifications for when the story goes public.

#writeblr #writblr #original writing #queer fiction #writing #writing community #original work #andy and syan #the fairest of all stars

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gravedigest · 4 months

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Gonna answer this over here, hope you don’t mind.

Oops it’s gonna be rambling I am so sorry

A lot of my writing winds up being freestyle, and getting something going takes four or five tries to stick the opener, like pulling the cord on an engine to get it to start. I have like three 2k word versions of how I wanted Doing Something to go, and one of them actually has Sanford in Hank’s place and Sanford’s more like a refrigerator than a runaway lawnmower. It wasn’t as fun to write, so I shucked it into the “neat concept, I’ll fuck with it later” bin.

Which is fine, I can have as many half-formed ideas as I want because I have the storage space for it.

From there I kinda write out little scene chunklets that I can rearrange or swap out with eachother, I’ll be thinking about the next scene I wanna do while I’m writing a different chunk, or thinking about an old chunk while writing a new one that I can slot in between that’ll make the overall story more coherent. So like, giving Doc a motive for specifically using Deimos to pilot Hank? I didn’t have one for a really fucking long time, then I was writing I think, like, Deimos’ meltdown and was like “Okay actually Deimos is going to be Doom. You can run Doom on anything.”

Then once I get my chunklets in a row I can go back over and add in more shit, and it makes it really easy to change details. Hank in the restaurant, how did he get to the restaurant? Fuck it. He was holed up in the tower this whole time and it was right next door. I’ll mention Deimos smells something burnt up in that other scene, weeeeee~

I kinda got this whole method from just writing vignettes? HNMT is a pretty obvious example of shoving a bunch of little scenes together to make something longer. I was using the research notes in that to kind of give hard stops so I didn’t need to stitch everything together as much. Because I’m lazy. And being lazy means you come up with fun ways to cut corners like that.

Tis how the first livestreaming video was invented. People didn’t wanna go stand up to see if the coffee was done, so they just hooked up a camera to a network and forced it to stream the video. I think I remember that right, take it with a shaker of salt, I ain’t remember shit good.

I highly recommend just doing a shitload of self indulgent vignettes though, just a bunch of scenes you want to read that don’t have to be connected to each other that you don’t have to do anything with. Eventually you might wind up connecting some of them together and extrapolating on a concept, and you can snowball from there.

Or just make a fun little oneshot, Workday is from a 30k document of what amounts to practicing each character individually in a bunch of scenarios, kind of just getting a feel of how I can have people interact and differentiate them from one another. It also just has a lot of stupid dialogue.

I fucking love writing dialogue. It’s really bad. But also neat when you can figure out how to give characters enough voice to where you don’t get confused about who’s saying what without having to say “he said, they said, x explained” yadda yadda. I use that thing as a reference for how I write each character to kind of gage consistency, and I’m not the best at it but I sure am getting better.

So, yeah. I get distracted really easily and this all sort of helps direct me being distracted into getting more work done than I would’ve if I had to follow a real outline, playing with legos instead of worrying about brick and mortar.

TLDR: Mostly freestyle, then editing in the plot beats that form naturally from that.

@ya-killin-me-smalls

#My therapist says I have unusually roundabout but ultimately helpful tactics for dealing with my ADHD #I have to sort of think outside of my head #Also for every chunklet I write I get 15 minutes of mindless social media scrolling #Or I’ll do a run of Vampire Survivors or something #Which lets my brain unwind from the stress of being coherent and I can swish around ideas for the next chunk #Also fixed my ask button I think

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jamiesfootball · 27 days

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Answer the questions and tag five fanfiction authors you know!

Tagged by @asteria-argo and @altschmerzes

EDIT- I DEFINITELY TAGGED THE RIGHT PEOPLE THE FIRST TIME

1. How many fandoms have you written in?

24 going back to college, more before that. Unless you mean written in published, in which case 3

2. How many years have you been writing fanfiction?

I wrote my first thing at 10

3. Do you read or write more fanfiction?

Up until last year, read by far. But since I've started more focused writing I have woefully fallen behind on the reading. Right now I'm reading about 3 small fics / updated chapters a week.

4. What is one way you've improved as a writer?

Outlining comes a lot easier now than previously. That used to be the most intimidating part, but I've learned now how to keep myself in a trajectory. If there's truly something else I want to explore but that doesn't fit within the outline, then that can simply happen in another fic.

5. What's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

I have no semblance of weird any more. But I did read an entire book on foot injuries with absolutely gruesome photos of foot fungi infections.

6. What's your favourite type of comment to receive on your work?

I love it when it feels like the person commenting resonated with something I wrote. It doesn't have to be long (though I do really love that), but a certain amount of passion behind the comment is always lovely to see.

7. What's the most fringe trope/topic you write about?

I'm currently rotating a time travel au of characters from a fic set in the future coming back to visit characters during the early seasons of the show. This one is fringe because only I would know what the fuck is going on with half the cast.

8. What is the hardest type of story for you to write?

You know how there is a sub-genre of fic where a character basically gets to have their day calling everyone else out on their behaviour about some canon-gripe? Those fics. I just can't do it. I can read them, but writing them always feels too mean. Also nihilism for the sake of nihilism. I think it's because in both scenarios, it would require curbing my inner need to fix whatever is going on.

9. What is the easiest type?

I! Like! Fixing! Things! In! A! Canon! Compliant! Way! Or at least, like, canon install-able. You can install canon into this and it won't break too bad.

10. Where do you do your writing? What platform? When?

Right now I'm still using Living Writer despite not liking it very much (for a variety of reasons) because while I meant to switch over, I got overwhelmed exporting everything and missed the renewal date. So stuck with that another year I guess. But the big thing for me is to have cloud and offline access, and this does that.

11. What is something you've been too nervous/intimidated to write, but would love to write one day?

I finally started outlining on of my original fiction projects! Huzzah! It's going to be longer than I thought help

12. What made you choose your username?

Dyslexia and a writing typo

I tried snooping around to see who got tagged already, but my dash was freaking long today. If you've not been tagged, consider yourself so, thanks!

#tag game #ask box is always open #writing stuff

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cyberphuck · 1 year

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ASSASSIN’S APPRENTICE ABRIDGED: PART FOUR

My friend Razz wants to understand my shitposting about the Farseer Trilogy, but doesn’t want to have to read the books, so I’m summarizing it for them!

EDIT: Halfway through Jhaampe I start calling “The Big Turnip” the “Big Onion” instead and I can’t be arsed to fix it.

Read Previous Entries!

Alright Bastards and Old Bloods, this is it: the final entry and JUMBO-LENGTH conclusion to Assassin’s Apprentice Abridged!

- Excerpt from Chade Fallstar's private writings, Grune 28th, 1497:

Dear Diary, the other day we caught a little zombie-Forged girl and I've been keeping her in a jar with a stick and a leaf. If I shake the jar, she talks. She knows who she is and who her family is, and she also knows a lot of swear words. I gave her some bread when she wasn't hungry and she said "shove it up your ugly ass." I tried to teach her a trick and she bit me. I decided to send her to live on a farm upstate along with Chivalry and Prince Regal's mom.

Love, Chadey.

While Chade has been playing Jane Goodall with Forged people, Fitz has been very busy being an alcoholic. One evening, Chade calls Fitz up into his wall-hole and says "It's time for you to stop being a drunk and for the readers to remember who Prince Verity is."

"Why is there a hay bale in the corner of your--"

"Prince Verity is Chivalry's younger brother and currently King-in-Waiting for the throne," the Fool says, lounging underneath the hay bale. "That makes Prince Regal next in line after Verity. Just so you know."

"Right," Chade nods. "Fitz, your job from now on is to hang out with Verity in his Fortress of Solitude and do whatever he wants you to do."

"I'm fourteen," Fitz says.

"Don't argue with me, boy, I've got a wedding to plan. By the way, did you ever figure out who tried to kill Burrich?"

Fitz shrugs. "I figured somebody tried to kill him because he's Burrich."

"Ah yes, the age-old solution of 'things just happen, what the hell," Chade rolls his eyes. "Well, go on, shoo. Go bother Verity."

Sighing, Fitz climbs thirty-nine flights of stairs to where Verity is sitting in his empty tower room and staring out the window. "Breakfast, your highness," Fitz announces.

"Ew," Verity moans.

"There's also a cup of tea with enough caffeine in it to kill some sort of very big gray trumpet animal," Fitz offers.

"Yeah, okay, I'll take that."

"So, uh," Fitz says, standing there awkwardly as Verity drinks an amount of stimulant that should make his heart explode, "watcha doin up here?"

"Defending the kingdom."

Fitz looks out the window at the ocean. He looks back at Verity. "Like... with a gun?"

Verity smiles softly. "Oh, you're stupid. I like that in a person I'm going to use as a tool for the rest of my life."

"I like you, too," Fitz says, tail wagging.

"I'm using the Skill to confuse the Vikings so they won't raid our shit and turn our people into zombies," Verity explains. "I'd ask Galen's Skill students to help but they're pretty useless. Hey, didn't Galen teach YOU how to Skill?"

"Oh, he tried but I'm bad at it, it's because I'm a basta-- HHHHGGGHHGHGHHGHHHHHH KEPPET.EXE HAS ENCOUNTERED A PROBLEM AND NEEDS TO GHHHGH TROJAN DETECTED TAKE ACTION TO PREVENT GHHGGHHHH HOT SINGLES IN YOUR AREA CLICK HERE TO CHAT GHHGHGGGHHHHHH"

"Huh," Verity says after thoroughly mentally assaulting Fitz without warning or permission. "Looks like someone used the Skill to convince you you were bad at Skilling. That’s just one of the many things the Skill can do that I will reveal to you whenever I feel like it, which will usually be AFTER you need to know.”

"I think I need an adult," Fitz whimpers from the floor.

Verity chuckles fondly. "I am an adult. Too bad I don't really have time to teach you to Skill properly. That probably won't come back to bite us. Run along now, stop crying. Oh, and see if Chade can get you to murder that gross noble two counties over."

A few weeks later, at breakfast, Fitz tries to eat Coco Puffs as quietly as possible while Verity and Shrewd argue.

"I don't WANT to get married," Verity says for the eighteenth time. "I've gotta keep sitting in the Martyr Tower and keeping Vikings from attacking us!"

"Well guess what, bucko, I'm your father AND your king and if I say you're getting married then you fucking are!" Shrewd rage-butters a scone. "And I swear to Eda if you pull a Malicious Compliance like your older brother and marry the absolute worst candidate for queen you can find then I'll look the other way when YOU'RE assassinated too!"

Fitz slowly reaches for the cereal box, eyes wide.

"It'll be good for morale, Verity," Shrewd goes on. "Everybody'll be like, 'oh, if the Prince is getting married and pumping babies into some foreign woman then being murdered by Vikings really isn't that bad!'"

"And who did Regal choose for me to be married to?" Verity asks.

Shrewd looks at the smudged writing on his hand. "The Kraken," he announces.

"You mean Kettricken?" Verity says. "The mountain princess? I'm like twice her age. And I don't have time to go to the mountains to grab her, Vikings will totally Vike you all while I'm gone!"

"Well SOMEBODY'S gotta go up there and grab her," Shrewd insists.

"Figure it out," Verity snaps as he storms out of the room. "And by the way, Fitz has been sitting there eating six bowls of sugar cereal because he has no adult supervision!"

He slams the door.

"Hi Grandpa Shrewd," Fitz says into the silence.

"Hello, Lil Accident. Just so you know, Kettricken is only second in line to the mountain throne. First is her brother Rurisk, who took an arrow to the chest a couple years back and now is about to die from Being Poisoned to Get Him Out of the Way."

"Yes Grandpa Shrewd.”

Chade Spidermans down from the ceiling. "You're sending him and not me? Why?"

"Plot reasons," Shrewd says, taking the cereal box away from Fitz.

"Oh boy," Fitz says, jumping up. "I'm gonna go tell my friend the Fool!"

The Fool's not in his room, but a bunch of other cool stuff is: every Lego set from 1973 onward, a bunch of those neon-colored ponchos from the 90's, Sudoku puzzles completed in ballpoint pen, and A BABY????

Oh wait, that's a doll. Looks like a baby though. Weird.

Next Fitz goes to visit Patience. Patience is sifting through an old jewelry box; she sits Fitz down so she can hold different things up to him and see how they look.

"Hmm. No, too subtle... this one's too gaudy. Ah, yes, this one." Patience pulls out a black collar with the word DADDY on it in gold letters. "Yes, this is perfect. Put it on, Fitz."

It's eventually decided that since Verity can't go to the mountains, Regal is going to be a stand-in at the wedding and then they'll have another wedding later when the Kraken comes down to Buckkeep. Fitz is loading up the horse-van for the journey when the Fool cartwheels up to him.

"I have something for you," the Fool jingles.

"I didn't go in your room and touch your doll or accidentally drop your seven thousand five hundred and forty one piece Millenium Falcon Lego set," Fitz blurts.

"Take this Pepto Bismol," the Fool says, "and don't eat anything weird in the mountains."

"Don't worry about me, Fool," Fitz laughs. "I'm sure nothing bad'll happen."

Fitz goes on a road trip. August, Fitz's cousin and current member of the Skill Gang, is going with them to help Verity Skill-connect to the wedding when it's time. Hands the stableboy is also there, which is nice, because they're taking the I-5 to Jhaampe, the mountain capital, and there's not a lot to look at on the way. They travel through a lot of places that Fitz is just going to have to travel through again in two books while being chased by Regal, so all he really notices is that there's a shitton of grass, a bigass lake, and only one set of hot girls who want to give him and hands their first sexual experience (the girls' mom shows up and hits them with a sandal until they go home).

The wedding party climbs into the foothills of the mountain kingdom, and there waiting for them are... the Vikings?

Okay, so the group of seafaring raiders that I've been referring to as "The Vikings" are culturally sort of more like Mongol raiders. It's not really a one-to-one comparison but the important point here is that the mountain people are what we in the real world would typically imagine Vikings to be, except that here in the Six Duchies the Vikings are the Vikings and the mountain people only LOOK like Vikings, Fitz is Simba, Regal is Scar and I think the Fool is Horatio.

Are we clear? Alright moving on.

Fitz and co. are greeted by a welcoming party of mountain people, who are tall and pale and blond. They're super friendly and cheerful, singing the Songs of Their People and totally confusing Hands, who doesn't speak Mountain. Fitz doesn't speak Mountain either, probably. Maybe.

They arrive in Jhaampe, where the buildings look like if you cut off the tops of the towers in Red Square or planted a bunch of turnips upside down. A second welcoming party pops up, and when August and his cronies complain that their feet are tired and they don't feel like walking anymore, the mountain peeps carry them into the city on planks. Fitz is extremely embarrassed by this and is trying not to cringe all the way down into his tights.

To seem less like a lazy dick who makes strangers carry him places for no reason, Fitz strikes up a conversation with one of the old ladies carrying his plank. Her name is Jonqui and she knows a lot about the city, and slows the plank down so she can point out interesting landmarks and gardens.

"Pull-Out Fail speaks good Mountain," she remarks, grinning. "Maybe he learned as a tadpole?"

"I'm just super good with languages I probably grew up speaking," Fitz shrugs.

They arrive at the biggest turnip, which serves as Jhaampe's royal palace. Jonqui escorts Fitz inside and he finds that it's not really a palace, it's more like a tent made out of a tree, with a lot of open space in the middle, and there's not a whole lot of private spaces that he might use to murder their prince.

Whatever, he'll figure it out.

"Come, Pull-Out Fail," Jonqui says, herding Fitz to a center stage. "We will watch our Shift Manager present his Shift Manager to be your Shift Manager."

"Shift Manager?"

"Yes, that is what we call our royalty. When someone comes to demand to speak to the person in charge, the Shift Manager is the one we have chosen to throw under the bus," Jonqui explains. "It is a very important duty."

Besides King Eyod, who is an old person, there are two random mountain folk in white dresses. Fitz eyeballs them and wonders where the rest of the royal family is. "The girl one," Jonqui says, elbowing Fitz, "she is my niece."

"Neat," Fitz yawns, still looking around for someone wearing a crown. "That other guy looks like He-Man."

"Yes, he is my nephew."

Gifts are exchanged.

"This isn't going to be like that one scene in Midsommar, is it?" Fitz asks warily. "You're not going to like, set these people on fire?"

"This," King Eyod announces, taking He-Man by the shoulder, "is my son, Shift Manager Rurisk, first in line to the throne of the mountain kingdom. And here is Shift Manager Kettricken, who shall marry the Shift Manager of the Six Duchies and become their General Manager, She Who Sets the Schedule."

There is general oohing and ahhing and applause. Fitz realizes he's been chatting boredly with the King's sister this entire time. Why hadn't Regal sent any kind of message to the wedding party ahead of time to warn them that the mountain people liked to play Undercover Boss? No, Regal had just texted to remind them to bring his Gucci underwear, the dick.

Jonqui drags Fitz over to meet Kettricken and Rurisk. "Kids, this is Pull-Out Fail Farseer," she says. "Now you go run along and play, and be back when the streetlights come on."

"Yes, in our language we call him 'The Bastard' because he sucks," August chimes in helpfully. Rurisk glares at him.

"Pull-Out Fail," Rurisk says. "I knew your father. And I spoke with him, on the day that he'd learned that he'd knocked up one of our people. He was a good man."

"This joke is getting kind of old," Fitz says. "Listen, my name is Fitzchivalry--"

"Oh, Fitzchivalry Farseer?" Kettricken brightens. "You poison people, right? Regal told me all about you and how you run around with Lady Thyme murdering people in the Six Duchies. It's so good to finally meet you!"

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh," Fitz replies articulately.

"Come on," Kettricken says excitedly, "let's go to the herb garden. I heard you like herbs."

On the way out to the herb garden, Fitz forgets that Kettricken knows he's an assassin and notices she has boobs, because he's fourteen. Together they get enthused about plants and shit, and they take a stroll around the herbs.

"Taste this one, it's really weird," Kettricken says. "... What's that thudding noise? With a jingle? It sounds like someone's court jester is banging their head against a wall."

"I hear that a lot," Fitz shrugs. "I usually just ignore it. You said to eat this plant I've never heard of? Mm, spicy!"

"So," Kettricken asks as she stops a speeding train with one muscular arm, "what's my future husband like? Shift Manager Regal told me that he's really old and nasty and that he just sits in a recliner watching Fox News all day."

"He's thirty two," Fitz tells her, mentally adding a dick to the big ol' bag that he wishes Regal would eat. "Verity is super nice, and funny, and he has fun hobbies and he likes animals. He's really handsome, too, he has gorgeous black hair and shining eyes and big broad shoulders and a really nice ass--"

"So Shift Manager Regal lied to me." Kettricken frowns, biting her lip. "Does he lie about a lot of things?"

"They hang people in my country for having an opinion on that," Fitz says.

"Regal was six Jagerbombs deep one night and told me all about how you loved sneaking around and killing people," Kettricken confesses. "He said that if you showed up with the wedding party, it meant that you were here to poison my brother to get him out of the way and make me the heir to the mountains."

"What haha that's weird what a weird thing to say haha," Fitz stammers, foaming at the mouth.

Rurisk and Jonqui come running down the path to fetch Kettricken, telling her that there's a thing at the thing she has to do, remember that thing? And Fitz smiles and waves bye to them and then walks happily back to his room in the tree-palace and starts frantically digging through his stuff for the Pepto Bismol the Fool gave him.

Rurisk bursts into the room at five the next morning, waving a bottle of Mountain Bismol. "Pull-Out Fail, are you still alive?!"

"I wish I wasn't," Fitz moans, face pressed against the rug. "Get away from me with that."

"He's not dead, no thanks to you," Rurisk says, glaring at Kettricken as she peeks into the doorway wearing footie pajamas. "Go get us some breakfast, and don't fucking poison it!"

Fitz tries to stand up and faceplants on the bed. "Stop making the floor move."

"Someone told Kettricken you were here to kill me," Rurisk explains. "I told her not to worry about it, but she thought it'd be a good idea to trick you into eating what we call Fentanyl Flowers and then not tell me about it until fifteen minutes ago."

Kettricken comes back into the room with donuts and coffee. Rurisk breaks a donut into three pieces, giving each of them a piece. "And if this is poisoned, you've killed us all," he warns.

"Oh my god, that was one time," Kettricken whines.

"Listen, Pull-Out Fail," Rurisk says earnestly. "My little dinky mountain kingdom needs the space for farmland down on your big prairies. We need cool stuff from the town that the Liveship Traders books take place in. We need a beach for our college students to go to on Spring Break. So I'm willing to give you ethically sourced furs, good lumber for warships, and my hot little sister as trade."

Fitz pauses with a donut halfway to his mouth. "What do you mean, 'ethically sourced furs'?"

"We shave bears. It's not important right now. What is important is that you don't have to kill me to get me out of the way, because I'm on YOUR side. Do you get me?"

"I get you," Fitz nods.

"Good. Now I'm going the fuck back to bed. Kettricken, don't poison anybody on the way back to your room."

"If you don't stop I'm gonna tell DAD--"

Fitz lays back on the bed. He closes his eyes and wonders if communism should be a thing. Then he thinks, no, having a monarchy is definitely a good idea. What could go wrong with having a ruling class of divine-right royalty who are constantly murdering each other for the throne? And surely there's no drawback to having a Prince that's an evil little shit who commits crimes against humanity with no fear of punishment or reprisal.

Yeah. Kings are the best.

The next day Rurisk invites Fitz out to the dog kennels. Fitz loves dogs! Then they turn a corner to find a very old hound dog whose jowls, ears, belly and tail are all dragging on the ground as he waddles up to them, and the music swells as Fitz cries "Nosy!!" and kneels down to hug him.

"That's my loyal old hound dog," Rurisk says. "Burrich the stablemaster sent him to me in a little basket with a bow on it years ago."

"I had a socially unnacceptable soul-bond with this dog," Fitz explains.

"Gross," Rurisk smiles. "Anyway, I gotta go do Prince stuff. Smell you later."

Fitz immediately goes to find Burrich, who is in the Big Turnip presenting a horse to Kettricken as a wedding present. Cob--

Wait, there's a note here. It says, "Cob is the stable boy that Fitz and Nosy met when they first came to Buckkeep." There's a piece of straw taped to it.

Cob is there too, and he makes sure to give Fitz the middle finger as he approaches.

"Burrich, I need to talk to you," Fitz says. "I just found out you didn't kill Nosy when I was little."

Burrich stops what he's doing and turns slowly to stare at him. "I'm sorry, you thought I killed a puppy? Jesus, no wonder you were so twitchy as a kid."

"But you didn't kill a puppy," Fitz says. "And we can still be friends."

"You thought I was a monster who would [BUILD A ROCKET SHIP SO THAT AN ANIMAL COULD RETURN TO ITS HOME PLANET] if I'd found out you'd bonded with it, but you turned around and bonded with another fucking puppy," Burrich growls. "Which I told you is nasty, so no, we can't be friends."

Fitz drags himself sadly back to the Big Turnip.

That night, Fitz is getting ready for bed when Regal's servant turns up at his door. "Hey fuckwad, Prince Regal wants to talk to you," he says, and drags Fitz by the wrist up to Regal's royal Regal room.

Regal is chilling in his chambers doing epic bong rips out of the skull of a dead orphan, like not a dirty street urchin, but specifically an adorable little ragamuffin with soot on their little tophat that flew off comically when Regal took them out from five hundred yards away with a sniper rifle. "What's up, DICKchivalry," he sneers, then high-fives one of his minions.

"Hi," Fitz says, forcing a smile.

"Have you gotten around to murdering Prince Rurisk yet?" Regal coughs.

"Uh."

"Uh," Regal says mockingly. "God, you're stupid. Isn't he stupid, minion who has no business hearing any of this?"

"Absolutely idiotic, my Prince."

"Prince Rurisk said he's on our side," Fitz says, "and that he wants us to have the lumber we need and his sister and everything. I figured maybe it'd be better to like, not kill him."

"Alright, since you're too dumb to plan an assassination, I'll figure it out for you," Regal says as his minion loads another bowl. "I want him graveyard dead before the wedding so he doesn't stand next to me and make me look short. Now fuck off."

Fitz fucks off with many a backward glance, wondering what the fuck he's supposed to do now. There's no signal in the mountains so he can't send a message to Chade or King Shrewd to tell him that Rurisk is cool actually, and even though Regal sucks, like, REALLY sucks, he IS a Prince and Fitz is a tool of the Crown so he does technically have to follow orders.

What the fuck is Regal's problem? Fitz thinks while brushing his teeth the next morning. Why did he tell Kettricken that I'm an assassin? Why does he want Rurisk dead so bad when Ru-Dawg is on our side? Gosh, I wish I could talk to Chade or Verity or Grandpa Shrewd or literally anyone, but they're so far away, and--

Oh right, the Skill.

"AUGUST," Fitz pants, sneakers squeaking as he skids to a halt in front of his cousin. "I've been looking everywhere for you. Look: do you see this silver pin, with the ruby in it? King Shrewd gave this to me when I was nine and sitting under a table eating leftover pies. The Fool and Regal were there too, and there were some puppies, and King Shrewd knelt down and gave me the pin and told me that if I ever needed to talk to him, I could just show this pin at his door and he'd let me talk to him, no matter what, and there's something really important going on so I need you to send a Skill message to him right now."

August looks at him for a minute. "No," he says finally, and turns to leave.

Fitz grabs his sleeve. "August you HAVE to let me talk to Shrewd, there are LIVES at stake!"

"Okay fine, jeez," August says, shaking him off. "I'll get Shrewd on the line."

"Great! Great. Okay. Tell him, uh." Fitz takes a deep breath. "Tell him Prince Rurisk is doing great and I don't think we should kill hi-- uhhhhhhhhh, I mean GIVE him the PRESENT that we were going to POISON him with."

"You're such a fucking spaz," August mutters, closing his eyes to make a Skill Call. Then he shrugs. "It went straight to voicemail."

"Redial," Fitz says desperately.

"No, I've got important cousin shit to do, including telling Regal that you just tried to get me to dial long distance to talk to the King." August walks across the palace to talk to Regal, but the Prince is high as fuck and doesn't care.

Fitz leans against the wall and makes a thinky face. "Maybe I could kill Regal," he says for what will be the first of several hundred times. "Eh, probably not worth it."

That night, Regal's minion gives Fitz a little secret packet of horrible deadly poison. "Regal gave me this to give to you to give to Prince Rurisk," he says. "Put it in his drink and make it look like an accident."

"Did King Shrewd send me here as some kind of complicated political maneuver where I would kill Rurisk and then be publicly hanged for murder so no one would find out that we killed Rurisk for political gain?" Fitz asks.

"Take the fucking accident powder," the minion snaps.

Fitz walks through the Big Onion to Kettricken's door, where he knocks and tells her that he's going to kill her brother. Then he goes to Rurisk's room, with Kettricken following behind. He sits down at Rurisk's table and dumps the accident powder into a glass of wine while Rurisk watches. Then they both drink from a different glass.

"Kind of sucks that Shift Manager Regal told everyone you're an assassin, Pull-Out Fail," Rurisk says. "You wanna hang out here in the mountain kingdom so you don't end up at the bottom of a lake with your feet encased in concrete?"

"Maybe," Fitz says. "I think somebody's supposed to catch me in the act of killing you just now, will you let them in?"

Cob bursts in the door. "Caught you red handed poisoning the Prin-- OH FUCK KETTRICKEN YOU DIDN'T DRINK THAT WINE DID YOU??"

"No, why?"

Rurisk falls over dead.

"Wait, why is he dead, we both drank from the same gl-- wow, I do NOT feel so great," Fitz says, foaming at the mouth again.

Cob grabs him. "I sent Smithy to space," he grins.

"Yeah, well I have a poisoned knife," Fitz replies, stabbing him with it.

"Sweet mountain Jesus, someone stop him, he's killing everyone!" Kettricken yells, then realizes she's holding a heavy metal object and beans Fitz in the head with it.

Fitz wakes up in the stables outside the Big Onion with Regal already monologuing over him. "I wanted you dead because you and Lady Thyme poisoned my mother!"

"Queen Desire, Shrewd's second queen who died at some point in this book but Fitz literally cared so little that he didn't even mention it," says a nearby hay bale.

"Thank you, hay bale," Regal says. "You thought I didn't know you poisoned her, but I DID know! I also know that you were using Burrich to Skill, but as soon as I had Cob stab him you were forced to stop. I knew ALL of these things!"

"Glag," Fitz says, concussed. Then he closes his eyes, and suddenly he can Skill.

"Hi, Prince Regal," Galen the Skillmaster says. "Are you ready for me to Skill-Kill Prince Verity during the wedding so you can marry Kettricken and be King-in-Waiting?"

"Ugh, but she looks like a Soviet Union propaganda poster," Regal moans.

"Suck it up," Galen says, hitting 'end call.'

Fitz is still laying on his face in the stables. Nosy noses in and ambles over to drool on him, then bites through the ropes Fitz is tied up with. Burrich shows up next.

"You have the Wit," Fitz tries to say, but he's still suffering poison damage and the 'hit in the head' debuff, so it comes out as "Glaggaglah."

"I'm in the closet," Burrich says. "Did King Shrewd turn you into a baby assassin?"

"Glag," Fitz confirms sadly.

Burrich looks back at him, then does a double-take. "Where the fuck did you get that collar that says 'DADDY' on it?" he demands.

"Patience glave it to me."

"I cannot fucking believe this," Burrich mutters, pinching the bridge of his nose. "That's the collar that I gave to your dad."

Fitz looks at him.

"You gave it to Prince Chivalry when he found out about me," Fitz says. "That's why it says 'DADDY,' because that's when he found out he was a father."

"Sure, we'll go with that," Burrich says queerly.

Jonqui, King Eyod's sister, clips through the wall while T-posing. "Come back to the Big Onion," she says. "Kettricken has forgiven you for poisoning her brother. Which I know you didn't do."

They drag Fitz back to his rooms at the Big Onion. While Fitz is trying to remember how to drink water, August shows up at the door. "Verity called," he says boredly. "He said, uh, be loyal to who's loyal to you, or something. Also all of Regal's servants died mysteriously and he wants you to go to the hot springs to help him bathe."

"I do not want to see Regal naked," Fi tz protests, but goes anyway.

Regal's sitting in a hot tub drinking an evil martini when Fitz and Burrich arrive. "Ah, there you are," Regal says. "Hulking Manservant, bang Burrich over the head."

Burrich goes down. Fitz yells timber. Regal drags Fitz over to another hot tub, ignoring the sign that says 'WARNING: DO NOT USE THIS HOT TUB IF YOU HAVE BEEN RECENTLY BETRAYED BY YOUR EVIL UNCLE' and throws him in.

"And that's that," Regal says happily, dusting off his hands, and leaves.

Fitz, flailing around in the water being hot tubbed to death, can suddenly Skill (again). This is great! He Skills joyously. Skilling is rad! I'm gonna call everyone! Hey Verity! VERITY! ... Verity?

"Dearly Beloved..."

The Fool looks up from his Adult Coloring Book. "Hm?"

"We are gathered here today to join these two second bananas in holy matrimony. Do you, Prince Verity..."

Verity! Fitz Skill-yells. Look out!! Skillmaster Galen is standing behind you about to pull a Skill Dracula on you and suck out all your, uh, Skill! That's a thing that can happen apparently!

I am actually Queen Desire's bastard son and Prince Regal's half brother! Galen Skills evilly. I'm pretty sure there's no member of the Farseer reign that HASN'T either sired or given birth to a bastard! Like seriously, as a family we legit just cannot keep our pants on. ANYWAY! I have been conspiring to kill Verity and put Regal on the thro-- oh okay apparently you can just straight kill someone with the Skill too, who knew.

Galen collapses, Skill-dead.

AUGUST, Verity Skill-megaphones into August the Skill-cousin's ear. PUT THE KRAKEN ON THE LINE SO I CAN TELL HER IT WASN'T ME WHO PLOTTED TO KILL PRINCE RURISK. AND ALSO THAT I RESPECT HER AS A PERSON AND WILL GREET HER WHEN SHE ARRIVES AT BUCKKEEP WITH A FIRM HANDSHAKE AND A MANLY NOD.

August's head explodes.

~epilogue~

Fitz and Burrich are later found in a wet, unconscious pile in the steams. Fitz has puncture marks in his wrist from where Nosy pulled him out of his hot tub tomb before climbing into his rocketship and flying back to his home planet.

Though neither of them are dead, Burrich has conveniently forgotten that Fitz is a baby assassin, and Fitz probably can't be a baby assassin anymore because he has about thirty seizures a day due to being poisoned and then poisoned again and then blugeoned and kicked and drowned all in the space of like thirty minutes.

They spend a long time recovering in Jhaampe, even after Kettricken and Regal (remember him? he's still alive) go down to Buckkeep. Burrich tells Fitz that they're friends again and that he'll go wherever Fitz goes because he's wearing the 'DADDY' collar. Fitz says, "Because you... view me as a parental figure? I guess?"

Burrich replies, "Sure. We'll go with that." NEXT TIME, ON DRAGON BOOK Z: Fitz has his Hot Girl Summer, immediately followed by his Shit’s Wack Winter, in ROYAL ASSASSIN ABRIDGED!

#rote #assassin's apprentice #farseer trilogy #fitzchivalry farseer #robin hobb #aa abridged #farseer trilogy abridged

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