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#Thankyou for asking#I hope you're not like. Dying. fkgjkdfjgkfd Sense I haven't made anything new in like a month#I HAVE requests that I WANT to work on#Simply everything is happening all at one atm#But SOON#Hopefully.....#I AM the Mariocest blog!!#Thanks for enjoying my stuff please continue to be patient with me about it
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déjà vu (beyoncé’s version) – ln4
masterlist
Summary: The one where a bad prank leads to you and Lando exploring an option you thought was not an option.
Pairing: lando norris x bestfriend!reader (nicknamed Tink)
Word Count: 5.2k
Warnings: smut elements but no actual smut, cursing, pining and of course fluff!
Request: “Haiiii. I love your style of writing Lando and feel like you would 100% do a request justice to scratch the itch in my brain Reader and him have been childhood friends, mutual pining with some sexual tension but never crossed lines other than a new years kiss with friends etc. So reader ends up training and qualifying as a physio/masseuse and travelling with Lando bc fun besties on tour together yay! Thinking she ends up getting to know his body really well from that and has to massage some intimate area- tension builds blah. They have a cosy night in together after front row quali to prep for the race, face masks cuddles bc really physically comfortable together and then some confessions happen. After this going out to celebrate home race (not jinxing tomorrow!!) and reader ends up dancing with another driver, Lando gets jealous fully opens up and they go home together (as much detail on that as you feel comfortable with) No probs if it’s something you don’t feel inspired to write! Pls continue writing whatever you love because I love to read your stuff!!”
Author’s Note: hi, hey, hello!! am i back after a literal month of no fics?? i hope so!! thank you so much for being patient with me you guysi i appreciate it, and i just want to say that this was the first time i wrote for lando (and you can definitely thank @userlando and her lando brainrot posts for that) and i’m kind of obsessed!! so as always, thank you to the anon for the request, and i hope you guys enjoy! good morning, noon or night wherever you are, xoxobee
Please also note that all of my works are protected under copyright, and not available for reposting on other platforms.
Being friends with Lando has resulted in both of you getting in trouble way too many times, you realise. The most recent case? The both of you ended up in a supply closet nearby the Aston Martin hospitality, hiding from a very, very, angry Spaniard. The close proximity and the limited space wouldn’t have been a big issue, for if Lando wasn’t looking at you with that look in his eyes. Under normal other circumstances, your reaction would’ve been much more different to the one you give him now – which is a glare that shows him you are not happy with the situation the both of you are in.
You’re about to scold him, but the words on your tongue quickly die as he presses his index finger to your lips. “I know you’re about to yell at me,” he whispers as he tries to keep his voice as low as possible, “but I really don’t want to be found right now.”
“Then maybe you should’ve thought about that before, you bloody idiot.” You hiss while slapping his hand away, which wins you a mock pout in return. “Why would you play that song every time he walked into a room?”
“It’s his name,” Lando tries to reason, “I thought he’d be used to it by now!”
Here’s the sitch. Lando, being the absolute prankster he is, decided to play ‘Fernando’ every time his former teammate entered into a room that morning – which resulted in the Spaniard becoming more and more annoyed with him until he snapped and Lando had to find himself a hiding place. How did you get roped into this, you may ask? You have absolutely no idea, other than your best friend dragging you into a nearby storage closet as you were walking back to the McLaren hospitality after meeting up with some of your friends for a cup of coffee. And now? The two of you are stuck inside a closet which is obviously too small for you both, and Lando has to bend his neck in an uncomfortable position.
“Lando,” you whisper in an attempt to keep your voice down, “don’t bend your head like that, you’ll strain something.”
“Well it’s not exactly comfortable, Tink.” He grimaces as one of the shelves hit his neck, which causes him to let out a low groan.
Ignoring the nickname he’s used for years, you motion him to move lower. “Just– let me see, okay?”
He begrudgingly nods as he bends his body towards you to accommodate you. You let your fingers run across his skin to find any knots along his shoulders. He lets out another low groan, but this one is more appreciative as you work some of the knots your fingers end up finding.
You watch as Lando’s expression changes from painful discomfort to relief as your fingers work their magic on his tense muscles. For a brief moment, it's just the two of you in the confined space, and you almost get lost in the comfortable silence. “Feels good,” Lando murmurs, his voice barely above a whisper, “I swear you have magic hands or something.”
You let out a breathy chuckle, “I just know your body, Lando.” After realising the words that come out of your mouth, your face flushes with embarrassment at the unintended implication of your words and you scramble to add, “Not like that, I didn’t mean–”
He smirks playfully, his eyes sparkling mischievously. “Oh, really? My body, huh? You think about my body often?” he teases, his hands squeezing your waist – and being lost in the moment, you don’t even know how they ended up there.
Your cheeks grow even hotter, and you feel your heart rate quicken. “No, that's not what I meant,” you stammer, trying to regain your composure, “and you know it’s basically my job to think about, you know?”
The mischievous glint in his eyes shine brightly as he decides to play dumb, “To think about what, baby?”
Your heart skips a beat at his teasing, and you can't help but let out a small laugh, trying to hide your embarrassment. “Don't be ridiculous, Lando,” you retort, trying to act cool despite the butterflies in your stomach. “I meant knowing your body like an expert, considering the fact that you pull a muscle every time you decide to do a physical activity.”
He chuckles, and his hands, still resting on your waist, give you a playful squeeze. "Sure, sure, Tink," he replies, a hint of playfulness in his voice. "But let's be honest, it's not just my body you know well. You practically read my mind too."
You roll your eyes, trying to playfully push him away. "Oh, please. You're not that hard to figure out."
Lando leans in a little closer, his grin still evident. "Is that so? Then tell me, oh expert of Lando Norris, what am I thinking right now?"
You raise an eyebrow, not falling for his trick. "You're probably thinking that you got away with the Fernando prank and now you owe me big time, your brain is empty most of the time."
He smirks, impressed by your response. "You're good, Tink. But you're right, I do owe you one. What can I do to make it up to you?"
You pause, the closeness between the two of you making it difficult to think clearly. "Well, for starters, maybe you can stop dragging me into your pranks and getting us into trouble," you suggest with a hint of a smile. “And I don’t know, maybe take pole for me, you know?”
As the playful banter continues, you both seem to forget about the predicament you're in. The confined space of the closet no longer feels suffocating; instead, it becomes a haven for shared laughter and camaraderie.
Just as the two of you are lost in the moment, the closet door suddenly opens, and you both freeze. The angry Spaniard stands before you once again, but this time, his expression has softened, seeing you and Lando in a surprisingly intimate moment.
"Am I interrupting something?" Fernando asks, his tone amused.
Your face turns beet red, and Lando lets out a nervous chuckle. "Oh, hey there. Just having a chat, you know."
But Fernando raises an eyebrow, still looking amused. "In a supply closet?"
You and Lando exchange a sheepish glance, realizing how the situation must appear to Fernando. "Well, we kind of got caught up in the moment," you admit, hoping he doesn't read too much into it.
Fernando chuckles, and there's a warm glint in his eyes. "I see. Well, it's none of my business, but you might want to find a less cramped place to chat next time."
You nod in agreement, grateful that Fernando seems to be taking the situation lightly. "You're right. We'll keep that in mind," you say, trying to sound casual.
Lando adds with a grin, "Yeah, and we promise not to play 'Fernando' every time you enter a room from now on." But he’s quick to correct himself when you give him a glare, “I promise not to play 'Fernando' every time you enter a room from now on."
Fernando chuckles again, seemingly amused by the whole ordeal. "I'd appreciate that. Anyway, carry on. I won't keep you two any longer."
As he walks away, you let out a sigh of relief. "That could have been a lot worse," you say, feeling a mix of embarrassment and amusement.
"Yeah, we got lucky," Lando agrees, giving you a playful nudge. "But you know what they say, Tink, nothing like a bit of closet bonding to strengthen a friendship."
You roll your eyes at his playful banter, but there's a fondness in your heart as you look at him. "You're incorrigible, Lando Norris."
He grins, "You love it, though."
You can't help but smile, knowing he's right. “Come on,” you say, “you have a quali to attend.”
The tension from the qualifying session had left you on edge, your heart pounding with every lap, and your nerves had gotten the better of you, leading to some slightly bloody nails from biting them in anticipation. But all that anxiety melts away when you see Lando step out of the car, grinning ear to ear. As soon as he catches sight of you, he opens his arms, and you don't hesitate for a moment. You rush into his embrace, holding him tightly, relieved that he's safe and thrilled that he performed so well.
"You were amazing out there!" you exclaim, unable to hide the pride in your voice. "P2, front row! That's incredible!"
Lando chuckles, his arms still wrapped around you. "I don’t know how we did it!"
You pull back slightly to look into his eyes, your heart swelling with admiration for your best friend. "I never doubted you for a second," you say earnestly.
His grin widens, and he playfully ruffles your hair. "I know you didn't. Seems like you’re my lucky charm, hm?"
“You know what that means?” You ask him return, a playful smirk on your lips.
His answer comes quickly, and his look seems to reflect your own, “Pizza and a movie?”
Your reply is just as enthusiastic as you throw your arms around him and give him a big smile, “Pizza and a movie, baby!”
Eventually, you manage to escape the whole hustle and bustle of the circuit, and you and Lando find yourselves back at the hotel, with you on the couch trying to find something to watch and him deciding to take a quick shower after the stressful day of qualifying. After a few minutes, you hear the sound of the shower running in the bathroom. You smile to yourself, glad that Lando is taking some time to relax after such a demanding day. As you wait for him to finish, you finally settle on a movie to watch with a small grin on your face, clearly pleased with your choice. Just as you're about to start the movie, you hear the bathroom door open, and Lando emerges, looking refreshed and relaxed.
After he gets the pizza box out of the oven, he walks over to the couch, wearing sweatpants instead of his jeans, and flops down next to you. "That shower was exactly what I needed," he says with a contented sigh.
You chuckle, glancing at him, while also trying to actively ignore the fact that he’s wearing grey sweatpants. "Feeling better now?"
"Definitely," he replies, flashing you a grin. "So, what are we watching?"
“Mamma Mia,” you scoff, “of course.”
“A classic, nice.” He nods in understanding, extending the pizza box to you for you to take a slice. “It’s still warm.”
You wordlessly grab a slice and pass the box back to Lando as you settle in your seat, ready to focus on your choice of movie. The comfortable silence between you feels familiar, like the unspoken language of best friends who have shared countless memories and moments together. Throughout the movie, you can't help but notice Lando's occasional stolen glances at you, and you find yourself stealing glances right back. He even winks at you with that boyish grin every time he catches you staring at him, making you giggle as you quickly turn your attention back onto the screen. You somehow find yourself sprawled out on the couch once the pizza box is emptied and discarded, and it’s harder for you to keep your eyes open. With your head on Lando’s lap, he plays with the ends of your hair as the two of you try to keep your attention on the screen.
‘Try,’ being the operative word here, since Lando realises that you end up falling asleep in the middle of the movie where Sophie realises all of the men she invited to the wedding thinks they are her father, and though he finds some kind of comfort in the chaos knowing that it will get resolved eventually, he can’t help but take his role as a makeshift human pillow very seriously. As the movie continues playing, Lando tries his best not to disturb your peaceful slumber. He leans back against the couch, adjusting his position so you can rest more comfortably on his lap while also trying so hard to not wake you up. He can't help but smile to himself as he plays with your hair, finding himself mesmerized by the gentle rise and fall of your chest as you breathe.
With a sudden realisation that maybe it is not the best thing to stare at you while you sleep, he tries to occupy himself with something on his phone while also trying to keep still so that you don’t wake up. However, the text thread between him and Max quickly makes him realise that the thoughts that he tries so hard to keep away. He never gave himself the opportunity to think about the two of you that way, he supposes. Not that it would be weird or anything, but in his mind, he’d seen, and been in, far too many relationships form and de-form to know that not all is permanent when it comes to relationships and it’s also not something he’d want to risk when it comes to you. Although the unwarranted thoughts of the two of you together, as a couple, have been haunting him for the past couple of months, he did a great job of sending them away and finding something else to focus on – up until now, that is. And now that he’s pictured the two of you together, holding hands in the streets of Monaco, going on dates, doing more than what ‘best friends’ are meant to do, it doesn’t seem that daunting to give it a try.
He carefully shifts you onto his lap with gentle movements, surprised that you don’t wake up and also trying to figure out the best way to wake you up without startling you. As he gently brushes your cheek, your eyes flutter open, and you look up at him with a sleepy smile. "Did I miss the end of the movie?" you ask, your voice still heavy with sleep.
Lando chuckles, shaking his head, but not stilling the movement of his hand. “No, we just finished. You fell asleep somewhere in the middle.”
You sit up slightly, rubbing your eyes with a small yawn. “I'm sorry,” you say, sounding apologetic.
“No need to apologise,” he assures you, his thumb caressing your cheek. “You looked adorable sleeping, Tink.”
Your cheeks flush slightly, and you give him a playful nudge. “Stop teasing me.”
Lando grins, but there's a tenderness in his eyes as he looks at you. “I'm not teasing, Tink. I mean it. You always look adorable, no matter what you're doing.”
You feel your heart skip a beat at his sincere compliment, and you can't help but smile back. “Thank you,” you say softly, feeling a warmth spreading through you, “I, uh, I should probably go to my room and let you sleep.���
“What? No, you don’t have to go.” Lando’s eyebrows furrow on their own, “I mean, you could stay over, it’s not like we haven’t done it before.”
You give him an unsure look, “I don’t know, Lando, you have a race tomorrow.”
“And we’ll sleep,” he shrugs, “the name ‘sleepover’ implies that, baby.”
You end up giving in and nodding, albeit a little hesitant. "Alright, I'll stay over."
Lando's face lights up with a bright smile, clearly pleased with your decision. "Great! It'll be fun, just like old times."
You chuckle softly. "Yeah, just like old times."
And you’d expect it to feel like the old times, because the two of you said it would be like the old times – the times where you’d spend the night over at his house because his mother picked you up and you didn’t want the playtime to be over. But instead of the excitement of a prolonged play date with your best friend, you find yourself anxious in the hotel bathroom over the fact that it’s him out there, and there is no way that he is not aware of the way you feel about him. You take a moment to compose yourself, splashing some cold water on your face to calm your nerves. This situation is new territory for both of you, and you don't want anything to ruin the friendship the two of you have. When you eventually make your way out of the bathroom, you desperately want to go back in, feeling undoubtedly exposed under Lando’s burning gaze.
“What?” You ask, your voice coming off weaker than you hoped, “Why are you looking at me like that?”
It takes a minute for him to answer you, mainly because of the fact that poor Lando is having a brain malfunction at the sight of you in his shirt – which he gave it to you because it was the only logical option for sleepwear, you know? Suddenly regretting his possessive streak, he attempts to clear his throat, “Nothing, you look good in my clothes.”
Your eyebrows shoot up, and you try not to let yourself become reduced to a blubbering mess, “Oh, well thank you. It’s yours,” after a brief moment of realisation you quickly add, “but you already knew that.”
“Tink,” he calls out, snapping you out of whatever embarrassed state you’re in, and your eyes quickly snap to his. “Come here,” he pleads as he extends one of his towards you, he’s quick to draw you into his arms – and just like that, you find yourself straddling your best friend.
“This is crazy,” you whisper as Lando grabs you by the waist to still your movements as you try to find a comfortable position while not realising just how uncomfortable it becomes for him.
“It doesn’t have to be,” his whisper is just as soft as yours as he looks up to you, “we don’t have to make it weird.”
A compromise, you’ll take it. “Are you going to kiss me?”
“Do you want me to kiss you?” As much as you hate it when he replies to your questions with his own, you nod your head with a sheepish look on your face, though it doesn’t satisfy Lando as a valid answer. “I need you to say it, baby.”
You answer comes of in an instant. “I do, please.”
“Such good manners,” he mumbles while giving you that boyish grin you love oh so much. When he catches biting the corner of your lip, you’re broken out of your daydream by his thumb pulling your lip free. “Don’t do that, you’ll hurt yourself,” his thumb caresses the side of your lip, “that’s my job, anyway.”
Your cheeks flush at his playful comment, and you can't help but smile at his words. "Your job, huh?" you tease, feeling the tension in the air starting to dissipate.
Lando chuckles, his fingers gently tracing patterns on your waist. "Among other things," he replies with a mischievous glint in his eyes.
Before you give yourself the opportunity to overthink, you lean in and press a soft kiss to Lando’s lips – it’s only a peck, a hesitant one at that, but not completely uncharted territory when you think about it. The two of you have shared kisses before, at Christmas or New Year’s at midnight, but somehow this simple peck feels different than any of those other occasions. Lando doesn’t rush you. He’s a patient man after all, and he knows that the feelings he has for you are reciprocated by the feelings you have for him. So when you look him with widened eyes, he gives you a soft smile and it does wonders to calm your nerves. It doesn’t take you long to press your lips against his once again, but this time the kiss is deeper, more passionate, and filled with the unspoken words that have lingered between you for too long.
It starts off with another peck, but this time you take the initiative to deepen the kiss, and the appreciative groan that leaves Lando’s lips makes you feel butterflies in your stomach. His hands move from your waist to the small of your back, pulling you closer to him, while yours tangle in his hair, revelling in the softness of his curls – and the fact that all of this feels almost familiar in some kind of a way. He’s not shy as he lets his tongue explore your mouth, in fact, he encourages you to do the same. It’s a messy kiss filled with colliding tongues and mixed breaths, and the hands that were on your waist one moment are now on your hips, encouraging their slow movement against his groin. It’s not a subtle build-up for any of you, either. It a matter of seconds, you find yourself dry-humping your childhood best friend in his hotel room, and in a couple more, both of you are whimpering into the kiss.
You’re both out of breath and breathing deeply as you rest your forehead against Lando’s. Thankfully, his hands continue to guide your hips as their movement get more and more erratic, and you him groan out, “Slow down, baby.”
You let out an objective whimper in return, whispering out a weak, “No.”
“No?” Lando repeats, his breath hitting your exposed neck in a light chuckle, “Do you want to come?”
“Uh-huh,” you mumble, letting your hands grab handfuls of his hair, “but you can’t fuck me.”
The whine that comes from your lips can only be described as bratty when Lando forces your hips to cease their movements, raising an eyebrow at you as he grumbles, “Excuse me?”
“You can’t fuck me, Lando.” You mumble, trying to move your hips again, but his hold is too powerful against your attempts. “At least not tonight.”
“And why is that, Tink?” He takes in your wide eyes and shuddering breath in, thinking he’d done something wrong, something you didn’t like. “You want to come, no?” He thinks at that moment, as you give him a nod with that dreamy and almost innocent look on your face, he could die and he’d be happy with where his life has led him, but he gives you a confused look, “Then what is the problem?”
“Um, you have a race tomorrow,” you explain as your fingers gently slide down to meet at the nape of his neck, “I don’t want to jinx anything.”
As a respond to your words, Lando gives you a look of disbelief, “You don’t want to jinx me having a good race,” he mumbles.
You give him another nod, “Are you mad at me?”
“Am I mad at you?” Lando repeats the question, and he flips the two of you over in a smooth motion so that you're lying on the bed with him hovering above you, his eyes locked onto yours. “Answer the question for me, will you?”
You take a moment to catch your breath, your heart racing as you meet his intense gaze. “No,” you reply softly, your fingers tracing the outline of his jaw. “Why would you be mad at me?”
Lando's lips curve into a playful smile as he leans in, his breath warm against your skin. “See?” he murmurs, his lips brushing against yours, “Good girl.” As he moves down your body, you let out a protesting sound, but he quickly shushes you as he positions himself between your legs. “I’m going to make you come, and you’re not talking to Micheal Italiano ever again.” He taps the side of your hips to signal you to raise them up as he carefully takes off your underwear and then murmurs to himself, “Pretty girl, too.”
With a blush which is quickly spreading onto your cheeks and neck, you raise yourself onto your elbows as you watch him give you the do-over. “Lando,” you plead.
“Oh baby, you're wet,” he teases, “don’t worry, though, I’ll help you with that.” He also gives you a look while grabbing both of your thighs, “And the shirt fucking stays on.”
After the events of the previous night with Lando working wonders between your legs for the remainder of the night, he honestly didn’t expect to start the morning with you returning the favour. Alas there you were, between his legs, with sleepy eyes and an innocent smile as if you hadn’t just given him the best blowjob of his life. And as the two of you make your way along the paddock, he wishes he was back in his hotel room with you in his arms. You try your best to distract him from overthinking everything and costing himself the race, and Lando is aware of what you’re trying to do – though that doesn’t mean you succeed completely.
You can tell by the small frown of eyebrows that he is lost inside his head, probably double guessing every aspect of the strategy his team debriefed him about this morning. With a deep inhale, you give his hand a small squeeze, halting your movements to stop him alongside you. “Hey,” you call out gently, “you’re going to be amazing out there, okay? You have nothing to worry about.”
“I know, it’s just the pressure is getting to me.” You watch him sigh, closing his eyes for a moment to regroup his thoughts, “I’ll be fine before I go in the car, I promise.”
You nod, giving him an encouraging smile, “I know you will. After all, you feel the–”
“Need for speed.” He completes the sentence without thinking, which makes the two of share a short laughter. “Thanks, Tink.”
“You’re welcome,” lifting yourself up on your tiptoes, you give him a soft peck on his lips, “I’ll watch the race with your dad, okay?” You chuckle at his reaction when he lets out a prolonged groan, “What?”
“He’s going to make fun of us, big time.” He says, rolling his eyes.
“Go,” you say in between laughter, “don’t be late and for the love of God, be careful!”
Lando chuckles at your playful warning, giving you a mock salute. “Yes, ma'am!”
It doesn’t take long for you to find Adam, who gives you a knowing look, in the sea of spectators in the McLaren garage. And as the race begins, you and Adam stand side by side, your eyes fixed on the track where the race is unfolding. The first four laps as the Lando leads the race makes your heart beat so hard, you can practically feel the excitement coursing through your veins. Each turn and straightaway that Lando navigates flawlessly adds to the anticipation building in the air. Even when he returns to his original position, you’re on the edge, praying to whatever deity up there for him to finish this race without and incident. You’ve told him million times before that you don’t get F1 at all, you’ve always thought the adrenaline linked with the sport to be a negative feeling – too heavy, too much and definitely not something you want to feel every weekend. But in the moment that Lando passes the finishing line P2, you realise why people are so obsessed with this sport. Because when Lando crosses the finish line, you find yourself cheering as loudly as anyone else. The rush of emotions, once alien to you, now feels like a shared celebration of human achievement and dedication.
Lando is all smiles when he finally finds his way back to you, and he’s giving you a kiss the moment he has you back in his arms; celebrating with the team in the paddock was a whirlwind of emotions. As he wraps his arms around you and pulls you close, his big smile is infectious.
So you’re honestly confused when he starts dragging you through the hallways of the club you went to for his celebrations with the rest of the team. The beat of the music playing back in the dancefloor echoes in the hallway as he leads you down the hall. The lights, the laughter, and the energy of the celebrations in the main area of the club are still audible, but you can only hear the muffled sounds of the celebration being held for him. “Lando,” in hopes of finally getting some answers, you say his name for the umpteenth time, but he just looks at you with furrowed eyebrows, “what’s wrong?”
He's silent as he wraps his arms around your waist and before you can repeat your question he buries his head in the crook of your neck. While you’re thinking about what could’ve caused his sudden need to be alone with you, he’s very glad that you’ve opted to wear sneakers tonight instead of heels.
“Baby,” you murmur, your fingers running through his curls in an attempt to bribe him, “tell me what’s wrong.”
“Nothing is wrong.” His voice is muffled by your skin and you can feel the breath he exhales on your shoulder.
You purse your lips and give him a few moments for him to break on his own, but when he doesn’t, you sigh softly. “Something is wrong.”
He raises his head momentarily to give you an unamused look, then bury his head back into your neck, “I saw you and Oscar.”
“Yeah, we were talking about the race.” Your confirmation leaves you confused as he lets out a scoff, and you find yourself warily asking, “Is there something wrong with that?”
You hear him scoff again and then, “Well I didn’t particularly like it.”
You gently push him off of you as you try to look past his confused expression and pouted lips, “You didn’t like me talking to your teammate… about your race.”
“Well when you put it like that–”
“Lando he is two years younger than us, and he has a girlfriend you do realise that, don’t you?” Your hands rest on either side of your body on your hips as you give him a small grin, “You were jealous, weren’t you?”
His eyes widen as he nods, “Well yeah, Tink, I think that one was very much obvious when I dragged you here.”
“I mean,” you drawl, “it was kind of cute, you know?”
As his eyes narrow, Lando walks you backwards until you’re pressed up against the wall. “Well I am a cute person.”
“Oh yeah,” you let out a giggle, “the cutest.” Your fingers toy with the buttons of his shirt while you look up at him to meet his eyes, “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”
“That we should probably get back to the party?” He mumbles, his eyes drifting as he looks around the hall.
You fist the collar of his shirt as you raise yourself up on your tiptoes, your voice lowering down for only him to hear even if it’s a deserted hallway, “You don’t have a race tomorrow.”
His eyes come back down to meet yours, “Well yes, it’s Mond– oh,” it takes a moment for him to realise what you’ve meant, and you’re thrown over his shoulder in an instant.
“Wha– Lando put me down!” You shriek, “What are you doing?”
His voice is playful as he starts walking towards the back door of the club, “We are not leaving that hotel room for a few days.”
It doesn’t take long for you to start laughing, “You’re an idiot.”
“Maybe,” he shrugs the opposite shoulder, “but I’m your idiot.”
The sincerity in his words catches you off guard, but you can’t help the small smile forming on your lips as you murmur, “Yeah, yeah you are.”
#monzabee#requests open#f1 fic#f1 fanfic#f1 smut#formula 1#fanfic#f1 x reader#f1 x you#f1 x y/n#lando norris#lando norris x reader#lando norris imagine#imagine#fluff#angst#smut#lando norris smut#lando norris fluff
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Jealous of The Past: Milo Manheim x Fem!Reader
Summary: Y/N brings milo back to her home state to meet her family for the first time all while attending her mom’s works annual family picnic celebration at an event venue. while attending however milo starts to notice a worker flirting with Y/N and gets jealous.
Warning: milo being jellyyyyyyy. fluff, angst?, suggestive comments/content (my favvv), awkward interactions, language, mean siblings, and i am sure i’m forgetting stuff.
A/N: let’s just say my mom’s work has a family picnic at an event venue i used to work at every year and the guy i like works there still with his dad…. and side note: he would lead me on all the time and then rejected me :,(. and i found out today that he blocked me on socials…. this is feeding the flame and encouraging me even more to write this to feel better about it :) I hope you all enjoy this like I did while writing it! PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT A PREQUEL!!! like when they first met and started dating :) ALSO, thank you all so much for being patient with me. means so so so much<3 feedback would be gladly appreciated:))
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“hey mi, i just got off the phone with my mom…” Y/N spoke as she waltzed into her and milo’s living room, plopping onto the couch, she layed her head in his lap, her legs draped across the rest of the couch. seconds later, she noticed he’d been on facetime with his own mother, so she rolled over onto her stomach to face the camera.
“say hi to my mo- ow that hurt” he chuckled as she accidentally elbowed milo in the ribcage, while attempting the roll over, but stopped when he handed her the phone to say hello to his mother.
“sorry babe, put a shirt on then” she smirked as she placed her ice cold left hand on his bare abdomen, making him yell.
“stop it Y/N your hands feel like you’ve just done a polar plunge. mom tell her to stop” milo whined to his mom, shoving his face into view on the camera of his phone.
“hi camryn. it still feels so weird to say your first name. i still want to call you ms manheim” Y/N giggled at milo’s mom on the screen, waving to her.
“milo, shhhh. Y/N is talking, don’t interrupt her. go put a shirt on if you think her hands are cold. and hello dear! how are you? and i already told you, don’t ever call me ms. manheim ever again. you’re family at this point so call me camryn!”
“but m-“ milo began before Y/N put her free hand over his mouth to shut him up from complaining about her cold hands, only for him to try and bite it.
“ew milo, stop you’re turning into lou” Y/N chuckled as she wiped his own spit onto his chest, causing him to chuckle and plant a kiss to her temple. “and i’m doing good. i was just on the phone with my mom and she wants to ‘meet the man you’re living with that i nor anyone else has ever seen’. she’s very over dramatic” Y/N gave air quotes before she sits her hand back on milo’s abdomen, causing him to screech again.
“Y/N stop touching my stom- wait your mom wants to meet me?” milo began to complain but stopped mid-sentence when he registered what she’d said.
“wait, she doesn’t know that you two are dating? i mean as a mother i understand her concerns love, i do. i don’t think she’s being dramatic at all” camryn spoke in honesty to her sons girlfriend.
“well, she knows i’m dating a guy named milo. that’s it. she’s never seen him. but to be fair we didn’t want a lot of people knowing because i know it’ll get into the media and i just wanted to wait it out as long as possible before i’m shown off. because with media comes hate and i don’t take kindly to hate. and my mom has quite a loud mouth. can’t keep anything hush hush” Y/N began to explain to milo’s mother as milo just gazed down at his girlfriend who continues to lay in his lap. “it’s her works annual family picnic celebration. so to sum it up, she wants me to bring milo with me to have the family meet him. it’s at a private event venue and it’s the same one they go to every year. it’s always fun”
Y/N began to answer milo’s question next as she looks up into his eyes, “yes, mi, my mom wants to meet you. trust me though, she’s not the one you should worry about. you should worry more about my dad maybe? or my older brother and big sister. my little brother will love you though”
“ugh i don’t know how i’m going to survive this” he groaned out as he throws his head back. he begins to open his mouth again, as he bent down to look into the camera of his phone. “mom, as the brilliant and wonderful super mom you are, do you have any advice for me?”
“oh milito, same advice that i’d given you years ago, be your authentic self. you are a great boy. they will love you. but you should also be asking Y/N since she knows her family best” she smiled sweetly to her boy. she was so beyond grateful for the simple fact that he still came to her for advice when things got even the slightest bit tricky for him.
“baby, any pointers?” he cooed down at his girlfriend who still continued to lay in his lap. one of his hands lies draped over her abdomen, while the other plays with her hair.
“oh milito, where to begin” she mocks his childhood nickname.
“ugh Y/N you know i don’t have to let you lay in my lap. you’re so short and tiny i could easily pick you up and put you on the other end of the couch” he groaned for what felt like the twentieth time that night all while Y/N chuckles as camryn began to speak through the phone again.
“milo…. be nice to her” she chuckled as she narrowed her eyes at her son.
“okay okay, but….” and with that he slid one arm under her legs and the other under her arms and lifts Y/N and starts to move her, but not before she begins to whine.
“milo no, stop” Y/N frowned and began again “i just wanted to cuddle” she says as she pouts her lip and lays her head against his lower stomach as she wraps her free arm and hand around him.
“milo i said be nice. stop being a menace. i'm gonna let you two lovebirds go. and please give lou some loving for me. love you both. have a great night”
“love you mom and i will be nice. i’m always nice, especially to Y/N/N” milo says as he blew a kiss to the camera once he’s sat back down.
“bye camryn. love you loads” Y/N says as she has her head nestled into milo’s stomach, and proceeds to also blow a kiss to the camera before they hang up.
“okay Y/N, now tell me, how should i prepare for this? and when is it love?”
“just be yourself. but be careful with what you say”
“what does that even mean? what do you mean by that?” milo freaked out as he rubbed his hands over his face in worry.
“milo, calm down. so when you talk to my dad specifically, just don’t mention politics. he gets way too into it. he’s a great man, has a big heart, would do anything for the ones he loves, but is not great with the politics topic. regardless, he will love you, because he will see how happy i am and how much i love you” Y/N cooed as she sat up in milo’s lap to look up into his eyes.
“good to know. but i never bring up politics in the first conversations with anyone. what about your older brother? what do i need to know about him?” milo asked as his large hand moved down to rub Y/Ns upper thigh.
“he’s a big goof. he’s 8 years older than me, so he’s insanely over protective, so at first he’s gonna interrogate you and ask about our relationship. be open and honest, which i know you will be. once he sees your goofy side, he will fold. especially when he sees how much you make me smile” Y/N spoke as she caressed milo’s cheek, rubbing her thumb over his cheek bone. “continue with your sister” milo smiled as he leaned into her hand.
“now my sister is who you need to worry about most. she’s unpredictable. you and her definitely align politically, but she hates men, minus our dad, brothers and her boyfriend. she’s gonna try to dig deep. she will be blunt and ask some super personal questions, specifically about us. don’t answer the intimate questions. she will be so mad that i didn’t tell her that i finally slept with a guy and will be super offended. i don’t want her to take it out of you. she’s a fireball for sure. i won’t lie, i don’t know if she will love you or not, because it’s a 50/50. but she probably will” Y/N let out overwhelming information about her sister.
“oh. is she the only one who won’t like me?” milo frowned. he definitely isn’t used to people not liking him. everyone loved milo. he connects with everyone he’s ever met it felt like.
“i didn’t say she wouldn’t like you. i just said it’s a 50/50. my mom will also be intrusive about those super personal intimate questions. but i don’t like my family knowing my business. so avoid answering them. make a hand signal to me if anything. but i know she will love you. probably won’t shut up about you once she meets you. she watched a lot of your mom when i was growing up, on ghost whisperer” Y/N chuckled as she looks into her boyfriends scared eyes. “stop worrying. you’ll do just fine” she smiled as she leans in, and planted her plump lips onto his, giving him a few kisses before pulling away.
“and as for my little brother, you and him will probably get along more than i’d like to admit. he’s more serious, but you two think a lot alike. and you two have the biggest hearts and are both super selfless. ew i hate comparing you two. except he’s kinda a dick when he’s mad at me” Y/N chuckled as milo giggled as she spoke.
“okay i’m gonna do great, but you never answered my question, when is this?” milo asked.
“next weekend, in my home state of kansas. you’ve never been, have you?”
“next weekend?! that’s like no time to prepare. and when would i — an LA born and raised guy, who now lives in NYC — have ever gone to kansas of all places? no offense that is”
“fair point. and you’ll do fine. is your mom coming into the city this week at all? or do you want lou to stay with griff?” Y/N asked, and with the sound of his name, little lou ran from around the corner onto their shared couch into their laps.
“ugh lou, you hear that? Y/Ns dragging your dad from you! i’m gonna miss you so much i might cry” milo exaggerated to his dog, lou, who just licked away at milo’s face.
“and i think griff can watch him. my mom has filming to do in LA still” milo continued.
“ugh. you sound like my father when he talks to his dog bax. there’s something you two can bond over” Y/N groaned as she pushed her left hand to milo’s abdomen to help her stand up.
“hey, wait! where are you going? i thought you wanted to cuddle?” he asked as he gently grabbed her wrist.
“i do i do. i just need to go shower. my mom called before i could even take one. i need to wash my hair”
“can i at least come with?” milo asks cheekily.
“come on” Y/N smiles as she grabbed the hand of his that was wrapped around her wrist just mere seconds ago.
-
“okay, so my mom said to text her or call her or whatever when we land. she offered to pick us up, but i told her we’d be fine and that we rented a car”
“is this flight almost over? because to be honest babe, i’m not comprehending anything you’re saying. i just want off this plane” milo pouted, as he laid his head against Y/Ns shoulder. in return, she started to scratch his head of curls.
“yes love, that’s why i was telling you the plan for when we get off. we have like 15 more minutes. are you feeling okay?” Y/N softly asked her boyfriend who lies against her left shoulder. milo had always let her have the window seat, as that was her favorite, even though he’d typically sit there when he flew.
“yeah, just nervous about this flight, and meeting your family tomorrow” he sighs out softly.
“you’re gonna do just fine, sweet boy. when we get off the plane and get our rental, we will head straight to our hotel. and we can just cuddle” Y/N cooed as she kisses the top of his head, hearing a hum of agreement in return on his part.
-
“here we are. i booked the suite for us. even though we’re only staying for a few days, now i don’t know about you, but i’m gonna go shower, change, and get ready for bed because i’m exhausted” Y/N smiled as she sat her luggage down next to the bed the two would be sharing for the next few nights.
“you do that babe, i’m gonna get the clothes i’m gonna wear tomorrow out” milo spoke sweetly as he pecked her cheek. Y/N grinned as she opened her suitcase to grab her toiletries, clothes and skin care items before heading to the large bathroom connected to their room.
once Y/N was finished with her shower, and wrapped up in a complimentary robe, she began to do her nightly routine, only to be met with milo, who was getting ready to take his own shower.
milo stood shirtless, only in his boxers as he looked down at Y/N, “i’ll only be ten minutes. please give me another rundown when i’m done with my shower?”
Y/N softly laid her small hand slightly above his waist, on his bare side, looking up at him, “of course. i may have left some things out anyways” and with that milo leant down and pecked Y/N on the lips softly, before proceeding to undress fully and enter the shower.
-
shortly after Y/N did her nightly routine, she walked out of the bathroom and to milo’s suitcase, digging through it for a t-shirt of his to wear to bed. once she found it, she tiredly put on her underwear and then his t-shirt and climbed into bed, where she laid waiting for her boyfriend.
“okay, so you said you may have forgotten some stuff? what else do i need to know babe?” milo asked as he walked into the bedroom, ruffling his dark curls with a towel, in nothing but his boxers. he turned around and walked briefly back into the bathroom to hang the towel and quickly ran back into the bedroom and on top of Y/N as she quietly giggled below the tall man.
“my love, no offense but you are too heavy, get off of me. not all of us can be six-foot plus. scoot over” she keeps giggling as she attempted to shove his large frame off of her.
he scoffed lightly, turning to look at her in disbelief, “six-foot-three baby. don’t sell me short. and i can’t help you’re tiny. you’re like so short”
“quit griping and teasing me and get under the damn covers already” she sassed back. he silently obeyed with a smirk plastered on his face. he was wrapped around her finger. she knew it. and so did he. but milo didn’t care one bit. once he was under the covers, he wrapped his arm around her, and snaked his hand down her side, brushing up his shirt she’d been wearing, to rest against her bare side, pulling her closer to his bare chest.
“will you please give me another run down already?”
“milo, you sound like a broken record player”
“Y/N come onnnnnn” he teased her.
“ugh, okay fine. so we need to be there by two-thirty. that’s what time i told my mom we’d be there. which means she’s gonna expect us to be there right on the dot. i’m also assuming everyone in the family knows i’m bringing a guy so they will all be there right at two o clock to gossip and to be there when we arrive” Y/N mumbles against milo’s chest as she spoke of the next days plan. she softly scratched right below his sternum just the way he enjoyed before she continued again, “another thing you should know, i used to work there at this event venue for two years when i was nineteen up until i was twenty-one. so don’t be surprised if people come up to me and start talking and asking a bunch of questions”
“okay noted. and what’s the dress code for this thing again? i set out my light washed jeans, birk slide ons and my brazil tank. will that work?”
“yes. that will be perfect. especially since it will be decently hot tomorrow afternoon. kansas city weather can be crazy in the early fall. also, do me a favor”
“what would that be babe?” milo asked as he arched a brow.
“wear those damn glasses. you always look so good in them” Y/N smiled as she snuggled her face further into milo’s chest.
“i will for you i guess. love you, ya sweet, short, queen. also, what did you decide to wear?”
“heyyy i can’t help that. but at least you called me a queen. i love you too mi. and i’m gonna wear that light green tie front blouse with my medium washed levi’s curvy styled flared jeans and my green retro new balances that you bought me a few months ago to match yours” Y/N said as she propped her chin up on his chest. he leaned down to kiss her lips softly a few times, before pulling away. “i love that top on you. okay go to sleep now” milo mumbled against her lips as his free hand that hadn’t been against her side, moved to grip her thigh, moving it up to rest against his lower stomach.
-
“okay mi, we’re almost there. take the next exit and then you’ll drive down this road for like two minutes and you’ll see the entrance to the ranch”
“okay, but the tesla is doing the driving” milo chuckled as his right hand gripped Y/Ns left thigh as the rental drove itself to their destination.
“quit being such a smartass” Y/N giggled as she glared to her left to look at her lover.
“okay but you love it. you can’t tell me you don’t” milo smirked his signature smirk back at his girl. Y/N just sighed and smiled, shaking her head in defeat.
just as they were pulling into the location, Y/N family were becoming more and more impatient as they waited to meet her boyfriend.
“mom, when is Y/N gonna be here?” mikeala, Y/N big sister asked their mother.
“i told your sister it starts at 2 o’clock. she said she’d be here at 2:30. it’s 2:25. so any minute. you know how she is when she’s getting ready. just like your guys’ grandfather, takes her sweet time”
“so, what do you think her boyfriends like?” james, Y/N older brother asked their mom.
“i’m not sure. i hope he’s nice and good to her. especially if she’s staying with him. but, i won’t lie to you, i don’t know much about him at all. she wouldn’t say much when i asked. wouldn’t even give me a last name” Y/N mother, Y/M/N spoke with an ounce of concern.
“i bet he’s just like most men, horrible” mikeala mumbled out.
“hey, we’re not all bad” will, Y/N younger brother blurted out, even though he was typically quiet.
“will, you know how your sister is gonna be, don’t even bother” Y/N father, Y/F/N spoke as he walked up to the rest of the family.
“oh wait, i think that’s them maybe?” Y/M/N spoke, as she saw a glimpse of Y/N through the tesla window.
“is that-“ james began to speak before will continued his thought. “a tesla? yes, it is” will finished his thought.
“go fucking figure. he’s probably a nepotism baby if she met him in New York City. that’s all i’m saying” mikeala grumbled out, as the rest of the family waited for Y/N to make her way up through the entrance of the venue to where they all were.
“mikeala, be nice. and you three, need to give your sister some room. she hasn’t been back in almost a year. let your father and i talk to her first, then you three can have at it” their mother said to Y/N three siblings as her and milo began to make their way to the entrance.
“babe, wait. what if they don’t like me? then what?” milo spoke out in concern as he gently grabbed Y/N wrist, pulling her back behind a vehicle before they could even enter the event venue.
“mi, for starters they’ll love you. and if they don’t i really don’t give a fuck. got it? i love you regardless” Y/N smiled up at her tall boyfriend. she then stood on her tippie toes, grabbing his neck gently, to pull his tall figure down to her short one for a passionate kiss. he smiled into the kiss as his hands found her hips in the midst, giving them a gentle squeeze. “i love you always” he mumbled against Y/N lips, proceeding to kiss her a few more times before pulling away.
“better?” she questioned him, as he proceeded to nod in confirmation as she dragged his tall, lanky body to the entrance, as they both giggled with smiles as they made their way to Y/N parents. right before doing so, Y/N stopped abruptly, pushing milo back and around a corner, turning to milo blushing. “hold on, you got some of my lip gloss on your lips. the last thing i need is them making comments”
“oh my gosh. will you wipe it off for me please?” milo asked as his cheeks began to become flushed. he let out one of his hoarse giggles in the process.
“lean down baby” she giggled as she met him halfway, by standing on her tippie toes, milo holding her hips to balance her like he always did. Y/N brought her thumb up to his lips and wiped them off until she felt satisfied, all while milo kept trying to not smile or laugh, which would interfere with Y/N wiping them off.
“okay there you go. all good. i would kiss you again but then we would be back at square one” Y/N blushed up to milo.
“accurate statement so i’m gonna give you a kiss here instead” he chuckled as he leant down and planted a singular kiss on the base of her jaw.
“okay, come on lover boy” Y/N smiled in awe as she dragged milo back to the way to where her parents were, approaching them with milo’s large hand in her small dainty one.
“mom! dad!” Y/N cheered as she let go of milo’s hand for a few minutes to give them both big hugs.
“Y/N hunny. you have to come out and visit more often!” Y/N mother spoke as she engulfed her youngest daughter into a warm hug. she pulled away and continued, “and you must be the mystery boyfriend?” she questioned to milo, who stood, towering over Y/N from behind. and everyone else from the looks of it.
“milo! milo manheim. mrs. Y/L/N it’s so nice to finally meet you.” he smiled widely to Y/N mother as she brought him into a hug.
“mom, you remember ghost whisperer?” Y/N smirked to her mother.
“of course i do. what an iconic show that was all those years ago”
“well his mom is camryn manheim. she plays delia in the show” Y/N began to smirk widely as milo gently laid his large hand against the small of her back, blushing as she proudly showed him off.
“no way! how’d you two meet then? and milo call me Y/M/N. i insist” Y/N mother spoke once more to milo as he smiled in return.
“i was working as a side hustle at that theatre as a bartender slash concession stand worker and he came through my line it just happened. we bonded over something and became friends. he’s a very friendly guy.” Y/N giggled as she wrapped her arms around his left forearm.
“dad, you’ve stayed so quiet. milo, meet my dad. dad, meet milo” Y/N smiled as two of her favorite men finally met. milo took a step forward and firmly shook Y/N fathers hand.
“nice to meet you sir” milo spoke kindly.
“you too. you can just call me Y/D/N like everyone else” Y/D/N spoke back to milo. “so milo, what do you do?” he continued.
milo blushed and chuckled before he continued to speak, Y/N right next to him for support. “well sir, i’m an actor. growing up i was always on set with my mom and i just gradually fell in love with the art of it all and got recruited for a movie at sixteen when i was doing theatre. it’s pretty fun”
“that’s lovely. i bet your mom is very proud” Y/M/N spoke up sweetly.
“that’d be an understatement mom. she is always telling mi how proud she is any second she gets. she’s the sweetest” Y/N smiled as she looked up at milo.
“well, it’s nice meeting you milo. now Y/N, your siblings are dying to meet him. wouldn’t stop talking since they found out last week you were bringing him” Y/D/N spoke to his youngest daughter.
“oh my” she sighed with a light chuckle. “mi, you ready?” she continued as she looked up at milo.
“as i’ll ever be love” he gently squeezed her small hands with his large ones.
Y/N began to tug gently at milo’s large hand once more as she navigated her way into the pavilion where her three siblings were impatiently waiting. she’d noticed mikeala and james were arguing over who got to talk to her first as she chuckled.
“yo, would you two stop?” Y/N laughed as she stopped once she approached them, milo standing right behind her with his hand instinctively laid at her side.
“dibs!” mikeala yelled as she walked over before james could, while will just stood quietly waiting for his turn.
“Y/N you bitch! how are you? how’s life been? what’s New York City like? and who is this? did you finally sleep with a guy?” mikeala, Y/N big sister went on.
“woah woah woah mikeala slow down. i’m good. life has been so lovely in the city. i want you to meet my boyfriend milo” Y/N began answering her big sisters questions, ignoring the one she had already warned milo about. she soon turned, grabbing milo hand instinctively, looking up at him lovingly, “mi, i want you to meet my big sister, mikeala”
“hey, nice to meet you mikeala. heard a lot about you. names milo manheim. wow baby, i feel like im in an interview” milo waved to Y/N sister and whispered the last part to Y/N.
“wait as in the great, amazing actress camryn manheim? she’s such a legend to women all around. also i hope they were good things spoken about me from Y/N” mikeala spoke as she unknowingly mentioned her sisters boyfriends mother.
“yeah, like her. but honestly, i just call her mom” milo nonchalantly spoke without even thinking about a single thing.
“i’m sorry, what?”
“i’m camryn’s son?” milo spoke with question.
“Y/N, you mean you’ve been keeping this from me? for like how long?” mikeala freaked out.
“i’ve known him for about 13 months, but we’ve been dating for 10? does that sound about right?” Y/N answered her sisters question as a new question arose, turning to look up at milo.
“yeah, because you moved in a month after we became friends. we met in august, so that means it was in september when you moved in and then we started dating three months later in december and it’s now september. it’s all too confusing” milo explained to his small girlfriend.
“you didn’t answer my other question Y/N. tell me all the deets. when did you finally sleep with a guy?” mikeala leaned into her little sisters ear, attempting to whisper, but failed as milo heard. milo giggled when he heard mikeala as she kept pushing her little sister to fess up, but she wasn’t going to budge.
“mikeala, i told you already, i am waiting. i’m not giving that up easily” Y/N spoke with a slight chuckle as she leaned back into milo’s chest. milo just draped his long arms over the front of Y/N body, as Y/N held onto his forearms, all while he held her up with his tall figure.
milo smirked as he opened his mouth, “i’m a good jewish boy”
once mikeala turned around, milo leaned down to Y/N ear and whispered gently, “um that’s… a lie on your part. what i said was the truth”
“she doesn’t have to know” Y/N giggled in a whisper, just as mikeala was turning back around to face them. and in that moment milo had placed a kiss to Y/N cheek softly.
“okay on to the big bro, although you’re taller than him mi” Y/N chuckled once again at her own joke.
Y/N stood back up from leaning against milo’s chest, and walked her way over to her big brother, as she continued to drag milo through it all. milo simply obliged, even though he was so nervous through it all. so far, he felt like her family liked him a little bit, but he wasn’t done meeting them all yet.
“james! i missed you!” Y/N freaked out when she saw her big brother. she let go of milo’s hand and jumped into james’ arms, as her big brother gave her a warm hug. milo, who was standing just behind her smiled wide. he knew she’d missed her family a lot. so it made him over the moon happy, to see her having a blast seeing her whole family again after so long.
“how are you sis? who’s this? i heard you got a boyfriend?!” james started to press his youngest sister for answers to his questions, all while glaring up at milo. sure james was tall, but milo was still taller than him. milo was pretty used to that by now; having a height advantage.
just as Y/N pulled away from her big brother, milo slyly placed his left hand against her lower back all while putting his right hand out to shake james’. grudgingly, james shook milo’s hand, as Y/N stared her big brother down. he was always protective over her. she’d always been so overly trusting and naive. he was constantly worried she was gonna get her heart broken all over again. boys always did that to her. they’d make her feel comfortable, then rip her heart out like it was a sport. she would give them her all and they’d give nothing in return.
“nice to meet you james. i’m milo, but uh i think you have probably already been told that” milo sighed as he scratched the back of his neck.
“so i’ve heard” james let out somewhat aggressively. Y/N glared up at her big brother the moment he did that.
“james knock it off. seriously. i know what you’re thinking” she began as she stopped to look at milo for a second. “baby, give me a minute with my asshole of an older brother. okay?” she spoke softly up at milo. milo smiled weakly, as he grew increasingly more anxious by the second. before he could even get a word of confirmation out, Y/N had placed a gentle kiss to the corner of his lips, making me smile shyly, knowing james was watching.
“james… don't be a dick. i know that you’re just trying to look out her me. i get it. i get that i've been hurt a lot in the past by so many guys. but when i tell you, mi isn’t like them i mean it” she began to lecture her over protective brother. “when i tell you this man pretty much saved me from going homeless in new york city all while i was having a damn mental breakdown i mean it. he has a heart of gold james. so quit treating him like he broke my damn heart when he never did” Y/N kept on to her brother as she continuously jabbed her index finger into his chest with each sentence. “now how about you go say hi properly to my boyfriend”
james walked back over to where milo was nervously waiting for Y/N to get done speaking to her older brother. as soon as she was in arms reach, he gently grabbed her hand out of anxiety. “mi, you good?” she gently asked him as she looked up at him through her long lashes. he in return smiled widely to her with a nod.
“okay, i’m sorry i was just being a dick. can’t help but be overly protective over my baby sister. she just means a lot to me and i worry she will get her heart broken once again. but she told me how you helped her. thank you for that” james smiled sincerely to milo.
looking down at Y/N who had her body leaning into his side, milo spoke softly to his girl, “you told him? i thought you didn’t want anyone to know?”
“he was being a dick to you and so i knew the only way to get through to him was to tell him about how you let me move in when i couldn’t pay my rent” she shyly smiled, slightly embarrassed to admit her own struggles just a mere twelve months ago.
“well, hey, i don’t know why you’re still so embarrassed by it. lou loves you. you’re his mom now” he spoke as he wrapped his arms around her short figure, pulling her closer to him. “speaking of which i miss him” milo continued as he pouted at the mere thought of not having his dog with him.
“i’m sorry, but what? you have a kid?” james slowly began to freak out internally.
“oh woah, no. well, yes, but no. not a human kid. but a- i- i’m a dog dad” milo began to stutter and explain who lou was to her brother.
“a dog dad?”
“uh yeah. lou is the best son ever. he doesn’t back talk me and he loves me unconditionally. what more could you ask for in a son?” milo began as Y/N giggled into his chest when she leaned into it.
“whatever you say man. damn, you sound just like our father when talking about bax” james laughed, as he patted milo’s shoulder before walking away.
“oh my gosh. that was awful” milo began as Y/N pulled away, dragging milo over to the last person he had to meet from her family, will, her genius little brother.
she let go of milo, and ran to will, forcing him to give her a hug against his own will. if it were up to him, there would be no such thing as hugs. he hated them with a passion. “william! how’s school? you still have all A’s right? what’d you get on your geography test? oh also meet milo”
“hi, milo, nice to meet you” will began to shake milo’s hand only after shyly conversing with his sisters boyfriend. will began to speak again, “i got a 98% by the way. and i still have straight A’s. i must graduate college with a 4.0 or i’m gonna lose my mind. i’ve only ever gotten one B in my life in high school and remember that knocked me down four spots on the class rankings”
“geography huh? is that your minor? right? i think that’s what your sister told me” milo questioned will about his college degree choice.
“it’s my minor. well one of them. i have another in spanish. and im majoring in environmental engineering”
“damn bro you’re a genius. sorry, Y/N told me you don’t like it when people say that. and if you ever need any help studying geography, i gotchu. you can either call your sister or she can send you my number and i can help you”
“milo’s really, really good at pointing any and every country in the globe out and correctly naming it. i wish i was joking will, but im not. now in the spanish he only knows a smidge and then nothing about science” Y/N laughed as she spoke to her baby brother.
“oh wow. thank you. i’ll be sure to take you up on that offer eventually. im gonna go get some of that barbecue while they’re still serving it” will smiled politely to Y/N and milo, before walking off.
looking up at milo, Y/N began to speak to him, “william is just super shy. i can already tell he likes you a lot. i can sense with my baby brother that you made him feel comfortable. thank you for that”
“just being myself. my charming, charismatic, somewhat flirtatious self that i’m really trying not to be. i’m so sorry for that part. last thing i need is your family disliking me for being a natural flirt”milo laughed to Y/N.
“hey, don’t apologize for being you. those are all the reasons why i love you and many more” Y/N smiled up at him as she scratched the back of his neck. “oh really? but wait, how much do you love me?” milo smirked his charming smile down to his girlfriend. he continued, “enough to kiss me while you’re family is eyeing us down?”
“you know how much i hate pda, but you also know how much i love you” Y/N smiled as milo’s large hands gripped her waist, pulling her into his tall body, pressing her lightly against his figure, helping balance her as she stood on her tippy toes. she’d moved her small hands from scratching the back of his neck to cup his scruff covered cheeks. milo met her half way, as he leant down to meet her lips mumbling into the kiss while smiling, “mmhm that i do”
pulling away, Y/N spoke, “so do you wanna play the annual bingo they host at these? it’s kinda like a family competition on who gets the most wins within the family”
“oh no, how competitive is your family? because i know how you get when we’re playing catan with our friends” milo chuckled as he still held her hips in his hands as he looked down at her with only pure love within.
“on a scale of 1-10, i’d say about an 8.4. but i think will and my dad are the worst. and im pretty sure you’re the one who’s competitive when it comes to catan” Y/N spoke as she grabbed milo’s hand and dragged him to the huge tent where the bingo game was being played.
-
“there’s no way you just got your third bingo. Y/N he’s cheating!” mikeala whined to her little sister about milo. milo had just won his third bingo in the last fifty minutes of playing the game. only three other people had won bingos and it was starting to irritate Y/N family with how good of luck milo had had for the game of bingo.
leaning over to Y/N ear, milo whispered, “i thought you said only will and your dad were the hardcore competitive ones? care to tell me why you left out your sisters name baby?”
milo pulled away from Y/N ear, gripping her lower thigh and began to rub it, as she had her legs laying across his lap as they played the game of bingo. she always had to be touching milo in any way anywhere they went. even if it was just in the comfort of their home. they were inseparable. or maybe it was milo who had to be touching her. either way, the two of them both loved each others touch. it always brought comfort to one another. Y/N had always worried about pda in front of her family, but for some reason she realized when it came to milo, all of that anxiety went out the window. she felt at peace when he did it, rather than the anxiety she’d always felt with her ex lovers.
“okay, so maybe i forgot to mention she’s quite competitive as well. she did play volleyball, that’s probably where she picked it up” Y/N smiled as she began to twiddle with the fingers from milo’s hand that had been rubbing her thigh.
“wowww, you don’t say. i didn’t notice that you forgot to mention it” milo teased as the two exchanged smiles. mikeala just looked across the table at her lovesick sister, making her want to vomit. she’d been waiting her whole life to see her sister in love, but now she was already sick of it, just like most siblings would be.
“i’m gonna go get us some drinks, what do you want? corona?” Y/N asked as she began to stand, milo grabbing his wallet for Y/N to take, already knowing she didn’t have cash for the tip. she’d never carried cash. she knew that and so did he.
“yeah that works for me. here, just take my wallet. cash is in it for the tips. you and i both know you don’t carry cash” he smirked up at her followed with a wink.
“ugh, fine. also behave. please don’t say anything stupid. i’ll be right back. if i’m not back in 5, just come looking for me? means i probably ran into someone i know” Y/N giggled as she ruffled milo’s hair, giving him a quick scratch to the top of his shaggy head of curls. “deal.” and with that Y/N walked off to get them drinks, leaving him all alone with her whole family.
“could you two be more disgusting? i swear, my boyfriend and i weren’t even this bad. and even when we showed any ounce of affection you know what Y/N would do?” mikeala began with slight attitude, making milo slightly anxious.
“my guess, she probably pretended to vomit, and say how gross pda is and how much she dislikes it and how she would never be like that” milo let out as he leaned back into his seat with his long legs spread.
“wro- wait. how do you know that?” mikeala laughed with shock.
“yeah, how’d you know that fact?” will asked curiously, as Y/N parents, and all three siblings stared his way, waiting for an answer.
“i- uh- well, i, we were friends before we started dating. so anytime we went out, with our friends, and saw couples being couples she’d rant about how gross it was. or when we’d watch some stupid reality tv show before we’d go to bed, and she’d go on about why she hated it so much and how she’d never be like them” milo stuttered, not expecting such a question from her family.
“then why does she do it with you? it’s just weird”james questioned. Y/M/N followed up, “it is, only because she’s never been like this with anyone else”
“hmh” milo questioned to himself as her family continued to speak.
“wait how did you and Y/N meet again milo?” Y/D/N quirked an eyebrow to milo as he interrogated his youngest daughter’s new boyfriend.
“uh so she was working at the concessions at one of the disney owned broadway theaters in time square area. she’d complimented my shirt, weird enough, and i- i- uh made a flirty comment. not gonna lie here, it comes naturally with the manheims” milo nervously chuckled as he lifted his hands up in defense. he soon continued his story, “and then she fired back with some witty, sassy comeback, teasing me about my previous sentence. we had a short conversation after that, and that’s when i found out she was an aspiring photographer, and was working there at the theater as a side hustle. she just, i don’t know, felt so easy to talk to. i felt a connection within that first interaction. knew i couldn’t leave that night without leaving my number for her” milo looked down at his hands that lay in his lap, nervously picking at the beds of his thumbs as he waited for Y/N to return.
“hmh, sounds just like my daughter with the witty, sassy comeback. pretty sure she learned it from me. also, where the hell is she?” Y/D/N laughed gently as he sat back in his chair.
“i’ve heard that one for sure. and i’m not sure, it’s definitely been over 5 minutes, which means i’m due to go find her. her wish is my command always. if you’ll excuse me” milo politely commented as he stood up from the chair to go find his girl.
milo began walking from under the large tent to the pavilion just across the way, where the bar was located, but didn’t see Y/N in sight. he then continued to the larger barn looking building, where all the food had been being served on the inside. he continued walking on the outside of the building until he reached the concessions, but still had no sign of her.
worriedly, he pulled out his phone and started typing away a text message to her.
Mi<3: baby, where are you? you’ve been gone for 10 minutes. i can’t find you anywhere, getting a bit worried.
as soon as he sent the message he heard her phone go off from behind the concessions. groaning, as he threw his head back, he unlatched the gate that was meant to keep guests out, he began his walk to behind the concessions. he’d only groaned because he knew he was breaking the rules and he hated doing that. but he’d do absolutely anything for Y/N. milo stopped as soon as he heard a deep male voice.
“glad you got my text Y/N! how’ve you been?” the tall, tan guy asked milo’s girlfriend, as the two hugged. the guy for sure towered over Y/N but definitely not to the extent that milo did. the young guy continued as the two pulled out of the hug, “as soon as charlie texted me telling me he saw you with your family, i knew i had to shoot you a text to meet up here”
milo knew he shouldn’t have been ease dropping, but he just couldn’t help himself. he needed to know what was going on.
“i’ve been great, real great. but you would’ve known that if you hadn’t blocked me on instagram after rejecting me, after i confessed my feelings to you when you’d been leading me on for that past year. but whatever that was over two years ago” Y/N sassily spoke her witty comeback. it took everything in milo to not laugh at her bluntness to what seemed to be an ex lover of hers.
“about that, i’m so sorry. i- i just got so nervous when you said you liked me, that i didn’t know what to do, especially because you were twenty-one and i was nineteen. i thought maybe we could try something again?” Y/N ex lover began to speak what he’d wanted to say.
milo, who’d been standing around the corner, couldn’t take another second of this. he wouldn’t openly admit it, but he was insanely jealous of the whole situation… and maybe slightly pissed. not at Y/N, but at the guy, thinking he could break her heart just a couple years before, and still have the audacity to try and get her back. not on his watch.
and on queue, milo walked straight in to Y/N rescue, wrapping his arm around one of her shoulders and around her chest diagonally from behind. looking down at her, as she looked up to her savior, in more ways than one, smiling widely to him with only love in both of their eyes.
“hey, sorry, i know i wasn’t supposed to walk through that gate baby, but like i was getting worried, same with your family, and heard your soft voice from behind the concessions.
“it’s okay mi, it literally isn’t that big of a deal. robert, the owner wouldn’t really care much anyways” Y/N raised her hand, to gently scratch milo’s scruff covered cheek.
“oh, sorry, names milo. nice to meet you” milo smiled widely to the young man who stood across from him and Y/N, as he put his right hand out to shake the guys.
“xavier, don’t worry about it. so are you like…?” xavier, Y/N ex lover began after he willingly shook milo’s hand.
“milo’s my boyfriend. milo, this is my old coworker, xavier. also, where’s your dad at? i can’t leave here today without seeing him. i adore your dad so much” Y/N chuckled, remembering how his dad had always treated her like family.
“y-yeah, he’d love to see you. he asks about you every now and then. and boyfriend? huh.” xavier shrugged with a frown.
“yeah, i met milo a little over a year ago living in new york city. and i’ll be sure to find your dad before we leave. my parents are probably freaking out right about now since ive been gone so long and now milo has as well. it was good seeing you” Y/N smiled to xavier and sent him a little wave.
“you too. good meeting you milo”
“you too bro” milo smiled weakly as him and Y/N began to walk away, and back through the gate, all the way over to where her family was still playing bingo.
however the rest of the time the two were there, milo became more silent as the clock ticked. still, he held her legs in his lap, rubbing her thigh. for some odd reason he just felt so jealous knowing that her ex fling, really tried to get back with her. he didn’t know why he felt jealous though. really, he had nothing to be jealous about. he knew that. but yet he still couldn’t help the feeling. and it was driving him insane.
“milo” james called his name again as Y/N patted his thigh.
“oh, sorry. what was that?” milo asked as his cheeks began to turn red from embarrassment.
“i asked how you liked today. hopefully we werent too intrusive and annoying” james laughed at his little sisters boyfriend.
“oh, i really enjoyed meeting you all. it’s so nice to finally meet the people who made Y/N who she is and who she’s always talking about. and trust me, none of you were annoying” milo gave a tight lipped smile. somehow when he smiled it always looked upside down. but that was just another thing Y/N loved about her man.
“wait, you talk about us?” will exclaimed from across the table to his big sister.
“uh yeah? is that a shock to you? you have no idea how much i’ve missed you guys. i was going actually insane before i met milo.”
“she was always constantly showing me photos and videos of you all. she won’t admit it but she was homesick” milo smirked, informing Y/N family of how she was feeling.
shoving his broad shoulder, Y/N began to whine at milo, “stop it mi, i’ll never hear the end of this from them. like ever”
milo chuckled, “fine fine, she didn’t miss home at all. lou keeps her busy”
“who is lou?” Y/D/N asked milo in a stern voice with an eyebrow raised.
“oh shit, i mean dang, you never told them about lou?” milo turned to look down at Y/N.
“i guess not?”
“oh my. lou is my dog. Y/N is always babying him and he keeps her occupied when she’s home from work”
“um no, you baby the hell out of that dog” Y/N fired back at her boyfriend.
“i have no idea what you’re talking about” milo shrugged his shoulders, knowing she was right in this conversation.
“uh okay mr. ‘i have to buy him a louis vuitton collar and leash because it matches his name’. and not only that but you tuck him in every night.”
“yeah well you baby him, and you bought a purse he’d fit in for when we go grocery shopping”
“he has a designer collar and leash?” will raised his voice slightly at the shock.
“sounds like you both spoil him. Y/N, milo sounds like your dad with how he treats louie” Y/M/N chuckled as she shoved her husbands shoulder while laughing lightly.
once it was the end of the picnic celebration, Y/N and milo made their way to the tesla rental and buckled up. sitting in silence as milo put in the directions to their fancy hotel, Y/N sat nervously bouncing her leg. she could tell something had been bothering milo, but wasn’t exactly sure as to what it was.
as she continued to bounce her leg and chew on her lip, she felt milo’s gentle touch on her thigh, stopping her from bouncing her leg any further.
“what’s wrong?” milo asked gently, as his thumb rubbed against her leg while his eyes lay on the road.
“just wondering what’s wrong with you” she spoke softly, causing milo to dryly chuckle.
“nothing. i’m fine. just tired, a bit overwhelmed by today” he breathed out. she knew he was lying, though she didn’t want to press him anymore about the topic while he was driving.
as soon as they got back to their hotel, milo laid the rental car keys on the counter of the small kitchen that came with their suite. trudging over to his suitcase to shrug his birkenstocks off, he spoke softly, “i’m going to go shower”
Y/N just sat there on the bed, in deep thought as to what the root of why he was acting weird. moving her hand up to her eye, she wiped a lone tear she hadn’t even realized had fallen from her tear duct.
screw it. she wasn’t gonna just sit out here and wait for him to finish, while she just kept overthinking. hurriedly, she walked into the bathroom quietly, taking off her clothes so she could join him in the shower and force him to tell her what was on his mind. they never fought. she didn’t like this. even if it wasn’t technically fighting.
quietly she walked into the walk-in shower, closing the glass shower door behind her, shocked he didn’t hear her. either that or he was ignoring her, which was her biggest fear.
“mi” Y/N began as she wrapped her arms around his torso from behind continuing again, “what’s wrong? what did i do?”
milo jumped slightly, indicating he hadn’t heard her enter, telling her he’d been in deep thought the whole time he’d been in there. he turned around to look down at her. “you didn’t do anything. i’m just kinda mad? which is so fucking weird for me to say, as i’m a loving guy. i don’t like this feeling”
“mad? what? why? and it’s okay to feel emotions milo, even if it’s a little negative” Y/N cupped his cheek, as his back blocked the water from hitting her.
“because xavier was and still is an ass. to think that he thought he could win you back after breaking your heart not once, but twice, just pisses me off to no extent. i mean honestly, who does he think he is to treat not just any woman, but a woman who is so down to earth, selfless, caring and kind like that? and i may have been a bit jealous” milo let out with slight aggression, not to Y/N, but to the situation he’d watched unfold earlier in the day. he’d of course whispered the last part though, slightly ashamed to the fact he’d let some lousy guy get to him like that. Y/N knew he meant no harm to her with the raise of his voice, which wasn’t too loud thanks to the water of the shower head drowning out part of the volume level he’d been speaking in.
“for starters my love, thank you for your kind words. i’ll be sure to tell your mother you were nice to me” Y/N smiled up at milo, joking to him since his mother was always joking with him to be nice to her, even though he always was. milo responded in a tight lipped smile with a silent chuckle as his hands gripped her waist a little tight, but not enough to make her uncomfortable. she soon continued, “xavier is a dumbass and will always be a dumbass who is very full of himself”
“accurate statement. and i don’t even know the guy. he had such a punchable face Y/N. i dont even know what you saw in him” milo groaned as he threw his head back. Y/N in return just wrapped her arms from around his torso to his neck.
sighing, Y/N looked up nervously to milos brown orbs, “to be honest, i’m not quite sure myself. I really think i just liked the attention and the feeling of being wanted and longed after. It was never something i was, well, am used to”
“well, i hope you know i will always want you. You will always be longed for by me. so please, babe, get used to it” milo chuckled, as he moved a hand to cup her cheek as he looked down into her eyes.
“also, what’s this about jealousy?” she quirked an eyebrow up to milo, and in return throwing his head back groaning.
“you heard that part?”
Y/N nodded her head in return to his question as he groaned once more. “i just really didn’t like another guy hitting on you. especially knowing you two have a past. just makes me mad. i don’t even know why”
“well, lucky you, i don’t want him and never will. you know i once met a guy, who taught me my self worth was much more than i’d even imagined as well as what i deserve in a man? he fixed my broken heart in more ways than one after xavier broke it into millions of pieces. he taught me what it’s like to actually be loved unconditionally. and i wouldn’t trade him for the world. you have absolutely nothing to be jealous of love. if anything, everyone should be jealous of you and how kind hearted and loving you are. i love you and i wouldn’t trade what we have for the world. I am so lucky to have you. i hope you know that. also, remember, it’s okay to feel these emotions babe” Y/N cupped milo’s right cheek as both of them let tears slip from their eyes.
“god, how the fuck did i get so lucky? i love you always” milo sighed as he leaned down to kiss Y/N, as the water ran down the two of their bodies. Nothing in their world mattered in this moment but them.
taglist: @girlkissersco @whoopsyeahokay @libertyinnit @moonyseyelash @bat-h-tic @emsch15 @softpretzel49 @multifanxtvshows @manheimsmuse @keziahcore
#milo manheim x reader#milo manheim x fem!reader#milo manheim one shot#milo manheim fanfiction#milo manheim#milo manheim imagine#milo manheim x Y/N#milo manheim angst#milo manheim fluff#milo manheim x you
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hehe its okay I understand:D thank you for the stuff u put out though they're really good
And because of that, I’ll gladly continue to make more stuff :>
Always makes me happy when I see all the likes in the morning, you guys help me start my day!
Hoyo‘s Doctors Love Languages ♥️
Synopsis: What’s likely to be their love language?
Characters: Baizhu, Dr.Ratio, Il Dottore
A.N: I hope we can fundamentally agree that the Bordeaux heart in the title is one of the prettiest. Also keep in mind that these are just assumptions what I have on them, and what they are more likely to have than the other love languages :)!
•:--•:♥️:•--•:♥️:•--•:♥️:•--•:♥️:•--•:♥️:•--•:♥️:•—:•
Baizhu 🐍
Quality time and acts of service
Loveable man spends long hours in the pharmacy every day, sees patients tends to their problems, looks for function of certain limbs so I believe he gets a lot of general human contact through his job. So therefore I feel like he would still enjoy cuddling for sure, but it would be his priority.
Same goes for giving gifts and words of affirmation. He surely likes giving you gifts and telling you how good you’re doing at something, but to him personally, there are just things he values so much more!
Like when the two of you spend the evening or morning together simply talking while drinking tea. Or if you decide to join him for meditation before the pharmacy opens up in the morning. If you listen to him telling you about some patients he encountered today, it all adds to his liking for quality time with you.
And if you connect it with little acts of service, like helping him sort herbs, or bringing him something he needs while in an examination with a patient, he will be in love.
Dr. Ratio 🎓
Physical Touch and Quality time
I honestly wished he could give words of affirmation but I feel like he is bad at it. (Please teach him a few vocabularies on that part) Because it might be a little too obvious, but even though you’re not his student, he still has a hard time finding things affirm them with. So all in all, a rare occurrence to hear very affirming words from him, but at least you can be sure you’re one of the only ones that ever got them then :,)
When it comes to gifts and acts of service I can see him liking it to some point. He sees meaning in a gift that comes from you if you put your thoughts and heart into it. As well as he likes you doing some acts of service for him, but acts of service are likely able to go into the ‚could you solve that equation for me‘ which he would know is something he can’t ask, so he is good about it.
But physical affection and quality time? Oh lord.
It might just be my thinking, but I believe this man is touch deprived. (I mean the only touch he really gets is the book and the chalk- which definitely don’t do the job) So when you offer to cuddle him or take a bath with him, he is over the moon.
And if you connect that with quality time as well then you even manage 2 things in one go! Cuddling while talking, listening to each other, or simply staying silent while reading a book. It really helps him recharge with you by his side.
Il Dottore🧪
Gift giving and Acts of service
Wouldn’t find much use for physical touch and words of affirmation. If you want to cuddle and get a little bit of affirmative words he’s not going to deny your wish but it’s visibly hard for him to come up with something to say that is not making you feel worse, so personally i advise against that :,)
When it comes to quality time though he is unsure, because if you come into his lab and ask him about everything he is doing and what this and that machine does he can’t help but enjoy that time spent with you and proudly show you everything around the room.
But that’s still nothing against gift giving and acts of service. Let’s say you’re out and about and suddenly stumble upon an ancient relic in one of Sumerus markets. You take it back to him and he’s going to be all over it and love you for bringing (gifting) it to him. Basically like you brought a new toy he can tinker on home with you which also connects to acts of service.
Let’s say you know your way around his lab and the way he likes to work, so when he is gone somewhere to maybe conduct an experiment, you already put out a few papers and a pen to spare him of the action upon his return, and while it may be just a small action, he really greatly appreciates you for it.
#genshin impact#baizhu#baizhu x reader#love#dottore#dr ratio#dr veritas ratio#fatui dottore#genshin baizhu#honkai star rail#genshin dottore#dottore x reader#il dottore#hsr veritas#hsr fluff#hsr#hsr x reader#genshin x reader#genshin x you#dr. ratio#dr. ratio x reader#il dottore x reader
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No Biting ♡ J.JH (M)
Jaehyun is tired after a long week of working on the preparations for his new album and finds comfort on you—literally; or, jaehyun treats your boobs as his personal stress squishies.
Pairing | Idol!Jaehyun ♡ CelebCrush!Reader
Genre | Comedy, Romance, Smut (breast play + him being needy abt it, dirty talk, switch!jaehyun, choking, saliva play? (i still don't know how to label this, but sex too good they drooling...), riding, lots of kissing, praising.)
Word Count | 3.8K
Reading time | 19 mins
Warnings: usage of curse words, explicit descriptions of sex, afab reader. not my best work imo, but i hope y'all like it nonetheless <3 thank you for liking my stuff so far <33 // also, wrote rino in bc i love her sm, I’d also appreciate any type of feedback :’)
“Okay, that’s it for today, guys. We will continue with the rest of the choreography tomorrow.” The lady in front of them said. “Now, rest up and take care! Love ya!” She blew them all a kiss and left the studio.
All 10 men laid around the room, visibly exhausted as sweat glistened on their blushed skin.
“I can’t wait till this comeback is over… it is so tiring.” Taeyong exhaled and drank from his water bottle.
“Tell me about it, I had a recording session with _____ last night and I kept messing up. I feel so bad for her, we had to be up till 3 am.” Mark replied.
“She’s so sweet about it, though. She deserves a prize for being the best producer ever.” Taeil chuckled and everyone else agreed.
“And the best host too, her food is so good, I don’t miss hotels at all.” Yura added.
Jaehyun couldn’t help but smile at the sweet words his friends said about you. You were indeed the sweetest and he was utterly and crazily in love with you. They have never worked with someone as good and patient as you. Not only do you do a great job with their songs, you always teach them new things—and let them stay at your house whenever they are in town.
“Are you coming with us or will you stay?” Jaehyun opened his eyes at the sound of Johnny’s voice.
“I think ______ is still here, I’ll leave with her.” He replied and the older guy nodded. “She said to make sure to put the code before you go in the house or else the alarm will go crazy.”
“Got it, see you later, man.” Johnny waved him goodbye and left with the rest of the boys.
Jaehyun laid on the floor for a few more minutes, enjoying the cool air coming from the vent right above, before gathering his stuff and making way to the floor above.
He entered the studio to see you sitting down at the mixer, eyeglasses on, and messy hair.
“Hi baby, are you still working?” He asked and kissed your head before grabbing a chair to sit next to you.
“Yes, sweetie. I am having a bit of trouble with this song. I can’t remove this weird rumble from this track, I might need to replace those mics already.” You said and pressed play again on the small clip. “I might need to re-record this.”
“Who’s track is it?” He asked and leaned to look at the monitor, resting his chin on your shoulder.
“Yours.” He whined playfully and hugged you tight.
“I’m tired…” he pouted and you reached back to pet his hair.
“You don’t have to record right now, baby. We can hook you up in the studio at home. It’s just this minute-long track, so don’t worry.”
“Okay~~” you felt his lips touch your neck and his hands moved dangerously close to your underboob. “Soo, can we go home? I want to cuddle…”
“Not yet, love. I still need to work on this song.” You shivered when his fingers softly massaged your breasts. “Jaehyun…”
“Hmm?” He kissed your neck repeatedly.
“Jaehyun, stop that. I am working.”
“But, baby… they are so soft,” he squeezed. “So pretty…”
“Jaehyun.” You warned again.
“Ugh, please…” he pouted again and turned your chair to face him.
“Dude, what’s up with you today?” You asked, getting a little annoyed at his clinginess when you needed to work—but it secretly made you melt. To be honest, you did need a break but you were too stubborn.
“I miss you.” He cupped your face and kissed you a couple of times.
“Jae, you are staying at my house. We see each other every day.”
“Okay, that’s still not enough.” He pouted and kissed your lips again.
“Not enough? What else could we do?” You giggled and he hummed.
“Lemme move in with you…”
“Jaehyun, you live in Seoul… I live in California…” you stared at him with an unamused expression.
“So? I’ll move here.” He shrugged.
“Yeah? What about your career?”
“I’ll quit being an idol and become your house-husband.” He smiled cheekily and kissed you again.
“Will you wait for me at home wearing sexy lingerie?” You joked but he blushed.
“I-uhm, I mean, if you want me to…”
“Hmm, interesting… Good to know…” you pecked his lips and turned back around to face your computer.
“Ugh, pay attention to meeee,” he whined and tried turning you around but you locked your feet on the chair base. “Pleaseeeee…”
“Jaehyun, I’m gonna kick you out and make you wait in the car.”
“Let’s just cuddle for 5 minutes.” He said. “Just 5 minutes, please?”
You sighed and turned around. His cute face always lets him get away with anything he wants, it’s like he bewitches you into saying yes. To be honest, you are just too in love with him to deny him any love—and he needs lots of it. All the time.
“Fine, just 5 minutes, Jeong.” He did a happy dance and dragged you to the sofa.
“You are so warm and cuddly. I love you, my little teddy bear.” He kissed you all over the face and hugged you tight while you groaned jokingly.
“How was today, baby?” You asked after he settled down.
“Tiring, we had some fittings and also dance practice for the video shooting next month.” He said
“You work too hard, love.” You hummed and kissed his lips.
“Can I lay on your chest?” He asked bashfully and you chuckled.
“Of course, beautiful.” He blushed at the petname and settled his face between your boobs, the side of his head laying on one of the plush mounds.
“So soft…” he sighed.
“Are you okay, hun?” You asked while stroking his hair.
“Yeah, I’m just very tired and stressed. I’ve been having a very bad shoulder ache for the past few days too.”
“Awe, baby, why hadn’t you said anything? I’ll give you a new pillow tonight. Do you want me to give you a massage?” You asked and kissed his head.
“No, angel, it’s okay. But I know something that will help me with my stress.” He smirked cutely at you and you felt his hands lift your shirt up.
“Jaehyun.” You scolded but he whined. “Ugh, fine… just cause you need it, but just that and nothing more. I have a session tomorrow morning and I can’t have a filthy sofa in my studio.”
Jaehyun moved to hover over your body, kissing your lips before moving back to pull down your shirt.
“Hmm, so pretty.” He whispered and kissed you again. “You’re so beautiful.”
You looked up at him, his eyes staring down at you. You reached up to pull him by the neck, clashing your lips unto his.
His lips engulfed yours perfectly as you sighed lovingly, making him smile. He absolutely loved hearing your love sighs, they made his heart flutter. Ever since he first kissed you and you sighed, he was hooked—he already was, but he knew he was done for when he heard the pretty sound.
“Let me take this off…” his fingers worked to unclasp your bra from the front, your breasts springing free once the last clasp was undone.
You watched intently as he licked his lips, before dipping in. His mouth automatically latched to your nipple while his hands pressed your boobs together.
“Mmm…” he hummed against your skin.
He closed his eyes and his eyebrows knitted up while he sucked on your chest. You couldn’t help but stare at his hollowed cheeks swallowing your nipples.
“So squishy…” he groaned before poking his tongue to play with your glistening buds. He alternated between teasing one and the other.
His hands squeezed your boobs again before his thumb and index finger moved to pinch your nipples. Twisting and tugging, he got them to be hard and blushed.
You just laid there, staring down at him being mesmerized by your tits. He was absolutely obsessed with your boobs. Whenever he was stressed he would just come to you and start acting all clingy until he eventually ended up under your shirt choking on your boobs.
A hard tug on your nipple made you snap out of it when you felt a slight pain. Teeth. He had bitten you.
“Jaehyun. No biting.”
“I’m sorry, angel. I couldn’t help it.” He whispered and kissed the skin he had bit.
You stared as he poked out his tongue again, licking your areolas in circular motions, before licking your nipples. His strong hands kept kneading your breasts and you couldn’t help but bite your lip.
His mouth suddenly sucked both nipples at the same time when he pressed your tits together, making you gasp a little.
“Are you okay, baby? Did that hurt?” He asked worriedly, the corners of his mouth glistened with his own saliva and you couldn’t help but giggle. “What’s so funny?” He furrowed his eyebrows.
“I was just thinking about how shy you were when we first met and look at you right now.” You smirked playfully.
“Look who’s talking. The girl that went from teasing me because I liked her to begging for my dick.” He replied and you scoffed in surprise.
“As if! I don’t beg!” You smacked his arm playfully.
“It’s okay, don’t be shy. We all know you love it.” He argued and hovered your body, his face now leveled to yours. Jaehyun couldn’t help but stop and admire you. Messy hair against, your flushed skin, plus your cute specs resting on the bridge of your nose—it was just such a sight to see.
“Why are you staring at me like that?” You whispered, the fact that you had your whole chest out was long forgotten.
“You are the most beautiful person I have ever seen.”
“I don’t look pretty right now.” You said.
“You look gorgeous. You always do.” Your heart skipped a beat when his lips pressed on yours. It was crazy how Jaehyun made you feel. No one had ever made you feel as loved as he did. Sure, you had many people calling you beautiful, praising you, and showing their love for you, but the sparkle in the dimpled guy’s eyes whenever he looked at you made you feel like the most special person on earth.
“Let’s go home.” You whispered against his lips and he nodded.
You both stood up and he gathered your belongings while you turned off all studio equipment. Just as you were about to open the door he yanked you by the arm.
“What happened?” You asked.
“Your… let me put it back on.” He said bashfully as he blushed and reached to clasp your bra on and lift your shirt back up.
“Oh my God… I was about to leave with my tits out?!” You hide your face on his chest. “This is your fault.”
“Okay, I actually take the blame for this. I had forgotten about pulling your shirt back up.” He smiled cutely. “Your boobs are just so nice… I want to see them all the time!”
“Shh, be quiet.” You whispered as you entered your house, Jaehyun practically clinging to you as he tried to kiss your neck.
“They are all asleep, none of us are light sleepers, so don’t worry…” he replied and locked the front door before removing his shoes and running after you to your room.
Jaehyun closed the door and locked it. He wiggled his eyebrows at you, as you changed into your satin nightdress. He reached to press the small device on the wall, turning on the soundproof system.
“Really, Jaehyun?” You deadpanned.
“Hey, you get loud sometimes.” He said and removed his shirt, tossing it in the basket by the closet’s entrance.
“And who said we are having sex?” You teased. “Plus, the loud one here is you.”
“Hmm… then why did we come home?” He dropped his sweats and tossed them where his shirt was. You tried your best not to stare at him much—the sight of him in only his black tight underwear and that damn silver chain was absolutely knee-dropping.
“Because you were right. I need a break.” You said and put your glasses back on, ready to read a bit.
“What are you reading, then?” He asked and grabbed his towel.
“My new mixing console’s manual…” you replied.
“Babe, you need to stop. Watch some t.v or something. You worked all day.” He passed you the remote control for the t.v after pressing the button for it to come down from his hiding place in the ceiling.
“And don’t watch any music-related videos. You can do all that tomorrow.” He kissed your forehead and you groaned.
“Fine.” You huffed and looked for something to watch.
“I’ll be back, I’m just going to take a shower.” He said and saw your pouty face. “Give me a kiss.” He leaned in.
“No.” You huffed again.
“Fine.” He was about to leave to the bathroom when you grabbed his farm.
“Okay, come back! Just one kiss.” You smooched his lips and he smiled widely.
“I love you, my grumpy baby.” He chuckled and left to shower.
Jaehyun came back to see you laughing at a comedy movie you found on Netflix. He couldn’t help but smile at the sound of your laugh. He was deeply and madly in love with you.
You felt the bed dip on his side, making you turn your head for a second.
“You smell good.” You said while staring at the screen.
“Hmm, thanks?” He chuckled and leaned closer to you.
Jaehyun stared at your bare shoulders and then down to your chest. The satin fabric was thin enough to let him see that your nipples were still hardened from before. You felt his lips press on your shoulder, slowly moving up your neck.
His hand moved to cup your boobs, massaging them.
“I shall continue where I left off…” he said before pulling the straps of your nightdress down, revealing your breasts.
His mouth quickly attached to your nipples as he laid his head on your lap. Jaehyun’s tongue worked around your nipples and occasionally sucked them in.
You clicked your tongue and shook your head when you looked down at him. He was like a baby, his mouth latched on your left breast and his hand kneaded the other while his eyes were closed.
“What would your fans say if they found out their sweet Jaehyun is obsessed with sucking boobs?” You asked and ran your finger through his hair as he opened his eyes.
“I’m not obsessed with sucking boobs…” he said after pulling on your nipple and lapping it after. “I’m obsessed with sucking your boobs. There’s a difference.”
“What happened to my sweet shy Jaehyun?” You fake cried and he chuckled. “Who is this pervert, huh?”
“Me? A pervert?” He rested on his hand to be at your eye level and feigned offense. “What would your fans think if they knew their sweet ____ was obsessed with my dick?”
“Babe… I write songs about sex. Everybody knows I love dick, they just don’t know who’s.” You rolled your eyes and he laughed before pecking your lips.
“You look so cute with your glasses on…” he smiled and kissed you again.
“Yeah?” He hummed in response and kissed down your neck.
“Aren’t you tired?” You asked as you stroked his hair.
“Yeah… but you look too good…” he bit your collarbone and kissed it after.
“Lay back.” You said and he immediately did as you said.
Jaehyun laid back on the plush new pillows you had brought out for him. As you straddled his lap, you reached down to completely remove your nightdress, his hands quickly holding your waist and sliding down to your ass.
“How did I get so lucky?” He whispered and you giggled while grinding down on him.
“You were too cute not to fall in love with.” You leaned down to kiss his lips and he grabbed your face to deepen the kiss.
“I love you so much,” Jaehyun said and hissed when you pressed further down on his crotch.
“I love you more.”
You kissed down his torso until you got the waistband of his underwear, which you removed quickly and tossed to the side before removing your own. Reaching over to the nightstand, you dimmed the lights and turned on the starry ceiling lights.
The lighting change made his eyes look like they contained the stars and the whole universe—and they really did (for you).
“Do you want to use a condom?” You asked as you leaned down to kiss his neck. “I’m on the pill.”
“I want to feel all of you…” he replied and you smirked.
The man beneath you shuddered when he felt your hand touch his sensitive erection. “Why are you always so horny?” You teased and he kissed your lips.
“How can I not, when I have the sexiest woman in the whole world as my girlfriend?” He whispered.
“Oh yeah? I’m the sexiest?” He hummed in agreement. “Mmm, that feels so good.” You moaned when his hand came down to grab his length and teased your entrance with the tip.
You slowly sank onto his cock, the size filling you up deliciously as you both moaned in unison.
“You feel so good, love.” He groaned.
Your knees supported you as you bounced on his lap slowly and your hands rested on his bare chest. Goosebumps arose on your skin as he caressed your body ever so softly.
“Ah! Mmm, Yuno…” he grunted at the sound of his name leaving your lips in that way.
He absolutely loved it when you called him that, given that not everyone calls him that, it makes it even more special.
“If you get tired, tell me, kitten.” He husked and you felt warm at the mention of that damned petname.
“Stop…” you breathed out sheepishly, which was cut short and into a moan.
“Stop what, kitten?” He smirked and bit his lip for a second before groaning loudly as your center engulfed him tightly.
“Stop calling me that.” His hands grabbed your hips sternly and his hips pushed forward. “Fuck! Jae- ah!” His hips remained thrusting up, your mouth hanging open at the feeling.
“Such a good kitten, aren’t you, baby?” He growled and wiped the small trail of drool falling past your lips. “You look so pretty like that… hmm…”
“Is it that good that it’s got you drool- hng-“ his voice was cut short when your hands were placed on his neck, softly pressing on his throat.
“What was that, sweetheart?” His eyes were closed and his mouth open in a smirk.
He enjoyed every second of your hands cutting his oxygen, the rush made him even hornier. Plus, he loved feeling your small hands on his neck, it was thick enough for you to need both hands to choke him.
“S’good…” he choked out as one of your hands left his throat to swipe out a little bit of drool from the corner of his mouth.
“Look who’s drooling now… pussy too good?” You teased.
Jaehyun couldn’t do much but hum and moan when you leaned down to bite his lower lip. His hand moved to grasp at yours that was on his neck, giving you the signal to stop. You removed your hands and he inhaled sharply, in need of oxygen.
“Don’t- fuck!” He whimpered when he felt your walls clench around his shaft.
“Don’t what, baby?” Your hands took place by each side of his head, making your tits bounce close to his face. “Kitten ate your tongue?”
“Oh, God!” You wiped a bit of sweat on his forehead with your fingers and quickened the pace your hips were snapping to. “Kiss me, please.”
As you leaned down to do so, he took advantage of your hands not having any support, and flipped you over by the waist. His mouth attached to yours still, flicking his tongue on your lips.
“Fuck, Jaehyun!” You screamed against his lips. Your boyfriend’s hips slammed into you rapidly.
“Do you want to get me in trouble again? Huh?” He grunted as you moaned louder—reminding you of the last time you choked him, he had lost his voice and got in trouble.
“As if you don’t like it…” you smirked but a sharp thrust made your smirk fade into a whine.
“You’re right. I don’t like it… I fucking love it.” Jaehyun kissed your jaw and down your neck until he reached his favorite spot—your shoulder blade, where he sunk his teeth to leave a mark. “Shit-“
“Stop biting!” Your fingernails dug on his back and his head fell to your chest, his hands gripping at your tits and mouth sucking your sensitive buds.
“I’m so close, baby…” you cried out after a few seconds.
“I’m close too, kitten. Fuck you feel so good.” He shut his eyes again and bit the skin of your breasts, coming up to kiss you after.
“You’re so beautiful, angel.” He murmured against your cheek, yet in your ears, it sounded like he was far away.
“Mmm, Jae-“ your toes curled up once you wrapped your legs around his torso to feel him deeper.
“Let go, sweetheart.” He rasped and you did as he said with a loud moan.
You felt yourself dissolve into the pleasure he was giving you. A ringing noise filled your ears mixed with the faint sound of Jaehyun’s low moans, while you could feel his cock pulsating inside you as he came.
The weight of his body soon fell upon yours, but it just felt like the warmest hug ever.
“I love you,” he repeated countless times as he kissed all over your skin.
“Don’t move,” you whined. “Just hug me.”
“Of course, pretty.” He circled his arms around your waist and rolled you over to lay on his chest, where you stayed for a couple of minutes, listening to his heartbeat.
“Don’t your shoulders hurt, baby?” You asked, remembering the muscle pain he voiced out earlier.
“Mmm, yeah… but you make me feel better.” He chuckled and kissed your forehead.
“Do you want to take a shower again?” You asked and he only laughed. “I’ll give you a massage if you wash my hair.”
“You don’t need to bargain with me, you know I’d do anything for you for free.” He said and sat up, bringing you up with him. “So… about moving in with you…”
NEOYUNO 2022
#jaehyun#jaehyun smut#nct 127 smut#nct smut#smut#jaehyun scenario#nct 127#nct#jaehyun au#nct blurbs#nct drabbles#nct scenarios#nct 127 scenarios#nct 127 reactions#jaehyun fluff#jaehyun angst
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Covet: Chapter 10 (Part 1 of 2)
Pairing: Jake Kiszka x f!Reader
Covet Summary:
Life was good. No, life was great.
Was.
Until.
Jake Kiszka crashed into the picture.
You welcomed him into your life—your home.
Yes, he was your best friend’s twin. But, he was also the one who would end up disrupting your whole world with his attitude, his troubles, and the annoyingly natural way he lured you in.
Jake Kiszka came with so much you really didn’t want.
At least that’s what you tried to convince yourself.
Warnings: MINORS DNI (18+); angst; extreme feelings of stress and anxiety; feelings of sadness; abandonment issues; allusions to a dark, forgotten childhood; therapy; EMDR therapy; arguing/raising of voices; heart issues (POTs); use of heart monitors; hemoglobin kits mentioned; jealousy; body changes as a result of pregnancy; negative self-talk; baby talk galore; pregnancy hormones (. . .but just wait for part 2 lol); reader continues being sad while she checks Jake out... but now we see jake being sad while he checks reader out lol; mild description of oral sex (m! receiving) (as usual, PLEASE lmk if i missed anything that is triggering to you!)
Chapter Word Count: 27.4k+
a/n: hi, loves :) i am sorry for the wait! won't go into detail, but life is a mf beast rn, and i'm rolling w it the best i can. this is a hobby. and while it does take up the majority of my free time, it is also not my main job! so, please be patient as life isn’t easy!
without further ado, here is chapter 10, pt 1... you will get pt 2 tomorrow - it is all set and ready to upload, but i must let the anticipation rise after pt 1. ;)
part 1 includes a hell-ton of stuff that i've been waiting to write - and been waiting for you to read! eek! this chapter is the beginning of a ~new chapter~ in everyone's lives... so, strap in <3 things are about to get real interesting......
as usual, thank you to my lovely sister @joshym for being my encourager and for aiding in expanding on ideas when i feel stuck as hell lol i love you more than words can properly articulate <3
Please enjoy the playlist as you read 🖤 (i listen to it nonstop while i write this story.... all of the songs are pertinent to the plot and assist in telling it - either already or eventually.)
Covet Masterlist
-🌼🌼🌼-
"Conscience and covetousness are never to be reconciled; like fire and water they always destroy each other, according to the predominancy of the element."
-Jeremy Collier
-🌼🌼🌼-
November 17, 2022
After several moments of standing there, you started to feel very naked under Jake’s stare.
The realization that you were still butt-fucking-naked under your towel had you wanting to escape the entire situation. It added one more reason why you wanted to hide in your room for all of eternity.
You didn’t know how to process what had just happened. . . All you knew was that any idea of a nice talk where you revealed the truth to him. . . Was gone.
He knew now. And you were freaking the fuck out.
-🌼🌼🌼-
Jake’s POV
There was no doubting her. Not for a single second. The baby was mine and I’d known it in my heart before I asked.
I really just wanted to hear her say it.
During our time together, just like she’d been it for me, I knew in my heart that I’d been it for her. I’d known her, backwards and forwards. And, within that time that I knew her so well, we’d become close. So close that, without meaning to make it—us— more, we’d made it more.
I gave her a better look, not able to put into words what the fuck I was feeling. Let my eyes trail down her body, covered only by a towel.
She adjusted her towel, tighter around her body. Was she self conscious? She shouldn’t have been. She was always beautiful. And I was afraid pregnancy was only going to enhance her beauty. . . I noticed as she tightened her towel, the action made her full breasts spill even more from the top of the towel. I averted my eyes, willing my dick to not react. Instead, I trained my eyes below, on her belly.
And now that I knew, I could see. Even through the fluffiness of the towel, I could see a certain roundness to her belly that had never been there before. A full-blown bump. Still small by some standards, but big enough that I should have fucking noticed.
Not able to help it, my eyes scanned her heaving chest, the tops of her tits fully exposed above the towel. It made so much sense why I’d noticed them looking bigger. . . Because they were bigger. Growing. Every day. To nourish our baby.
Our baby.
I looked away from her. . . I couldn’t look at her right now. Not when she— when I. . . God.
How had I been so oblivious?! I lived with her for Christ’s sake. Was it my fault that I hadn’t allowed myself to be more present in her life? Was it because I was seeing Maya now? God. No. It wasn’t on me to watch for things like that anymore. Not since she’d told me that I’d served my purpose. That I was just convenient. . . And all of the other hateful shit she’d spit in my face that day in the kitchen.
The day my heart fucking broke after pounding in my chest. . . Pleading with her to help me understand all of it. But she hadn't fucking stopped . . . Just kept going. Breaking me. Saying things I never, in a million years, ever wanted to hear from her.
I’d let her become more in my life. I thought it was meant to last. Thought that she had become my someone. More than relationship. More than friends. She had just . . . Been there. She’d nestled into a place made just for her in my heart. Like she was supposed to have been there all along.
I’d never wanted her to leave. But she’d wanted to. She’d put her foot down, not leaving any goddamn room for argument.
And my heart. . . Fucking broken after beating the hardest it ever had in my chest. . . Shattered into an infinite number of tiny shards at my feet. I’d spent days picking up the shreds, my hands getting cut every time I tried to fix in me what she’d torn apart. There was a part of me that knew exactly why she’d done it. I fucking knew. Knew that she didn’t think she deserved happiness or some shit. But there was no use in entertaining what I knew when she refused to acknowledge the truth.
The night we’d smoked and I’d told her that I— and then she’d told me that she— Jesus. The moment had been so real, so solid. . . The words had fallen from my lips without any hint of question. Even being under the influence, I felt the connection we’d made in that moment. I thought about the words everyday for weeks after I’d left the kitchen on that hellish day.
Then there was the transcendental sex we’d had when we made it into her room that night. She’d been so wet, waiting for me. . . Fuck it all. Wait— not— no. The night we’d smoked. . . We hadn’t used protection. Was that when—?
The inside of my brain was just going fucking insane and I couldn’t— goddammit!
I ran a hand through my hair a couple of times, the other one still holding my keys. I needed to do something with both of my hands. Besides balling them into fists and creating divets in one palm with my fingertips and the other with my keys.
I was tired of just standing there, in front of this woman I’d fallen for at a time when I thought I’d never wanted to love again. . . The same woman who’d shattered me. And, now, the very same woman who was carrying my child. . .
There was no use in trying to organize any thoughts. Pacing seemed to be the only option. So, back and forth, back and forth, I walked in about a foot of space. Just waded in these uncharted fucking waters. All I knew at this moment was she was pregnant. And she’d lied to me about it.
How long had she—? How far along was—?
And why in the hell had Josh known before me?! Of all fucking people . . . Fuck!
“Jake,” her voice tore through the catastrophic mess of shit in my head.
I didn’t look at her. How could I? When she’d left me in the dark. Once again, prioritized Josh over me. Even when it came to my child. Absolutely fucking incredible.
“Jake, please,” she muttered, voice cracking on the word please. My heart couldn’t handle the sound. “I can’t— I’m not in the right state of mind to just stand here and—.” I stopped pacing and peered up at her finally, my hair surely a mess around my hot face when I let my eyes pierce hers.
But as soon as I made eye contact with her, I softened. I hated to see her cry. Hated it. And the sobs suddenly wracking her were unexpected. It hurt my heart to stand there and watch her like that.
But— she’d brought this on herself. Right?! Fuck.
As much as I wanted to walk to her and hug her, I didn’t. I stayed where I was, offering a half-assed look of pity. It wasn’t her turn to hurt over this. I was the one just finding out. Not her.
“Y/n,” I tried, weakly. But god it sucked to say her name right now. “Just— god. There are so many—.”
“Questions, I know,” she finished, walking a couple hesitant steps toward me. But I took two back, away from her.
The way her body slacked at my action made me want to take it back. There were a lot of things I wanted to do. Some understandable, some not so much. I wanted to cry. Kiss her. Hug her. Feel her. Help her. Scream at her.
But, she was right. I did have so many fucking questions.
“How long?” I asked, breath shallow, never letting my eyes leave hers.
She kept up, not looking away from me. “How long have I known? Or how long have I been—?”
“Both.”
“I—,” she stuttered, closing her eyes tight, her beautiful face contorted in what I could only assume was emotional turmoil.
I watched as she balled her fists, clenching them a few times. Then, as she released them, she seemed to plant her feet firmly on the floor— her body, rigid and straight.
When she opened her eyes and found mine again, I could clearly see the tears that had accumulated on her lashes. And her eyes, that would forever take my breath away, were daring to shed more of them.
“Don’t cry,” I couldn’t help but calmly reassure her, my voice soft as I went to stand closer to her again. Not close. Just— closer. “Just. . . keep going. Talk me through it. Talk us through it.”
She breathed deeply, in and out, once. I strained to not let my eyes fall to her chest— to admire the way her fuller breasts would rise and fall. . . I resisted, focusing on her eyes. Her face, rivaling all gods of beauty. . .
After taking one more calming breath, she began. “I’m three months along,” she paused momentarily, as if thinking of something. “Three months today, actually.”
Three months.
“And how long have you known?”
“I’ve known for about a month,” she responded, bringing her shoulders higher and sniffling once. She blinked once, tightening her fists once more. “That’s not to say I told anyone right away. I kept it to myself. I was scared. I didn’t know what the fuck to do.”
I let her words sit in the air for a few minutes, thought them through at least five times before I couldn’t keep the next question to myself any longer.
“When did Josh find out?”
Her jaw flexed as her fists bunched up; eyebrows, drawn together as she glanced down briefly, her eyes snapping back to mine. “Why the fuck is that important right now?”
Oh, she wanted to get angry? Okay.
“Seriously?” I said, my tone sharp as I pointed a finger at her. “You telling my brother about my baby before me is pretty fucking disheartening. Especially when I — fuck. You know why it’s important.”
“I’m sorry. . . I’m stuck on something you said. . . When you called it your baby,” she leveled, stepping toward me once. I didn’t move, only stood taller and sighed deeply, nostrils flared. “Please, tell me more. About how you’re the one who had to find out all by herself. And if you’re the one who had to find out all by herself, you’re probably also the one who’s going to have to stretch her body out to carry this baby for the next six months,” her voice rose with every word she spoke. She sighed, a smile shaking on her lips, yet lacking any positive emotion. “I must’ve fucking forgotten.”
All I could do was stare at her; because, in spite of all of that truth, I was still angry with her. She’d twisted my words. She knew what I fucking meant.
She just wanted an opportunity to pin something on me in her moment of insecurity.
It was definitely something she would do in a state of upset. Hell, it was something I would do. Without a thought. I was known for it. Could I be upset with her for doing the same thing? Dammit. I just felt conflicted as hell — didn’t know how to feel about it all.
I was happy. Really. Truly. Completely over the moon ecstatic at getting to be a father. I just— I couldn’t wrap my mind around the idea of it. All of the information, the reality of my life. . . It wasn’t sinking in worth shit. Though, at the same time, it felt so incredibly real.
On the same hand, I also felt completely betrayed to not know a damned thing until this moment. It was fine that she waited to tell me. No question about that. But telling Josh before me still pissed me the fuck off. . . And it would until she understood why it made me so angry.
She’d confided in him about the baby I helped her make. When she hadn’t even told me. Probably hadn’t even been planning on telling me anytime fucking soon. Because of her determination to keep me out of the loop when it came to our child, I’d had to find out on my own. By accident.
All because I was a motherfucking identical twin. What were the chances of that shit?
I didn’t get to have a moment of joy at the thought of being a father because I was too busy reading how grateful she was for Josh amidst this pregnancy. All I could think about was how she hadn’t been grateful for me. Hadn’t been grateful enough to keep me in her life.
She’d pushed me out. But not Josh. Definitely not Josh. She would never say to Josh what she said to me in the kitchen.
I couldn’t take it.
Unable to control my actions, I started acting before thinking. . . Not even looking at her, I focused only on the keys in my hand, still waiting for me to go somewhere. I had to go somewhere. Had to get the fuck out of the apartment that had brought me both my greatest days and my most heartbreaking.
And this day was officially both.
Pulling the door open without even thinking about it, seeing through blurred tunnel vision, I heard her say my name, once again choking on sobs behind me. Even after I closed the door, she continued to wail my name.
My heart was longing to stay back with her. Begging me to stay where I knew I needed to. The guilt was heavy. Baby or not, my heart yearned for the woman. Even when I shouldn’t want her, I did. And I really shouldn’t after what she’d said in the kitchen.
I knew it was a dick move to leave. I knew it. But I had to. Couldn’t explain it. So, with blurred vision and hearing her repeat my name and begging me not to leave, I continued down the cemented, outdoor hallway and to the stairs.
End of Jake’s POV
-🌼🌼🌼-
Gone. Found out about it and then he was just. . . gone.
You stood there long enough to let him walk back through the door. Until he might’ve come back, ready to make things right.
You waited too long. But when you started getting a chill from standing there in your towel, you were suddenly ready to put some clothes on. Ready to hide. Maybe Jake had the right idea to run away.
In the case he didn’t come back tonight, you didn’t want to be waiting for him all night, getting your hopes up. . . only to have them crushed.
Your heart was already burning in your chest, all the way down to the pit of your stomach, at the worry of him not returning.
-🌼🌼🌼-
You firmly decided on leaving for a bit. Follow his lead. You went about your business to get your ass out of your home before it swallowed you whole in your fears and worries of Jake.
But. . . driving sounded stupid as hell. You wouldn’t have been able to see past the clouds of tears in your eyes to safely arrive at your destination. And, as sad as you were, you weren’t sad enough to want to wreck your car. The baby’s life was the first you considered. But–then. . . you realized you had a burning desire to keep going for you, too. . . despite Jake leaving, you wanted to keep going. The sadness hadn’t completely overtaken you.
So, you’d wisely decided to schedule an Uber. And while you waited, you hastily pulled your cute gray sweatsuit (thank you, TikTok shop) onto your body as quickly as you could, making sure to put on a sports bra underneath to hold your boobs in place. They continued to hurt like hell. You really needed to get a maternity bra.
And then, after you’d fed Stevie, you waited for the Uber and prayed that it would show up before Jake got back home.
Well. . .if he came back home tonight. It was very bold of you to just assume he would. Why would he want to return? Your own mother left you because you weren’t worth anything. And tonight, Jake had made it perfectly clear he felt the same way your mom had.
The Uber showed up in no time. . .sooner than you’d scheduled for it to arrive.
As the black Toyota Solara finally came into view, you wiped your tears for the millionth time since Jake had left. The sobs that wracked your chest hadn’t stopped painting your cheeks since he’d walked out the door. Because, well, he had left you. The one person you wanted with you for this had left when you needed him most.
-🌼🌼🌼-
Applebee’s. The sign to the restaurant had you feeling the urge to do happy dance, even amidst your raging emotions. But you concealed it for the sake of your Uber driver.
For the past few days, you’d been craving their alfredo specifically. The fear of ruining it like you’d ruined so many other foods, had kept you from DoorDashing it.
But tonight? Tonight you’d decided to treat yourself, and instead of being scared that you’d throw it all up, you took the chance. Thus, scheduling the Uber to drive you to fucking Applebee’s. Of all places.
You’d been sitting for probably five minutes at a booth (comfortably, but definitely lonely), when the rain started pouring down outside your booth’s window.
And at approximately the same time, you noticed the large group of men around your age at the bar, backwards baseball caps and muscles presumably only huge from steroids. They were screaming at the top of their lungs as a football game droned on on the TV in front of them.
The rain, the jocks. . . made you long for your bed immediately. . . Made you wish you would have just stayed home to wallow for the sole opportunity of letting the thunder lull you to a (much needed) restful sleep. Though, based on the night’s events, you weren’t sure how peaceful that slumber would actually be. Or how quickly it would come.
Thankfully, the prospect of going home came as soon as you started longing for it. The young waitress came by to ask for your drink order, but you went ahead and ordered the alfredo you’d been craving – along with the soft pretzels and cheese which automatically stood out to you when you’d opened the menu.
Now all you were hoping was that you wouldn’t end up vomiting your guts up over your toilet later. Or worse, all over an Uber driver. You were taking a chance. This was the first time you’d eaten out since starting your new journey of eating and nausea meds.
Speaking of, you promptly popped a PregEase in your mouth, directly from the stash in your belt bag slung across your chest.
You were thankful for the meds, but at the moment, you were actually totally fine with risking it. The one reason being: food was working as a pretty fantastic distraction from your problems for the time being. So. . . you were letting it do its job.
When the waitress brought your water out to you, your phone started buzzing and ringing in your belt bag, succeeding in interrupting you thanking her. The reverberations felt so good against your boobs (don’t fucking judge); at this point, you were convinced your chest was bound to feel like two heavy bags of tiny nails, for the rest of your life. Nothing brought them relief, and the phone felt surprisingly nice.
She kindly smiled, bringing your attention back to her from your boobs, saying she'd be back soon with your appetizer. You responded with a similar smile to hers and went about balancing all of the shit in your belt bag to get your phone out.
You figured it was probably Elsie. She was the one most likely to be calling you at this time of night. She was known for using the late hour to openly vent to you about her day. Though, since Josh, the calls had become fewer and fewer.
Finally getting the phone out and peeking at the screen, you were suddenly wishing it was Elsie. Because, the name staring back at you was making your tummy feel like swirling electricity.
The process of getting your phone out had taken long enough, though, that you’d missed the call completely. You weren’t sure if it was a bullet dodged or a missed opportunity you were instantaneously longing to happen again.
You didn’t have to contemplate it for too long before his name was lighting up your screen again. And it was admittedly weird seeing his name with your current lockscreen wallpaper. . . A couple days ago, you’d impulsively taken a picture of the sonogram picture from your first appointment and made it your wallpaper.
What if you’d accidentally left your phone where he could find it? Damn. Were you wanting him to find out on his own? Was that going to be your pussy ass way of telling him? Or were you just being impulsive and dumb?
Once again, the call went to voicemail. Except, there wasn’t time for him to leave one with how quickly he was calling you back.
Goddamn, y/n. Answer, your inner encourager forced you impatiently.
Swallowing thickly, you went to slide your finger over to answer. Your body was swimming with an increasing amount of anxiety. But, you answered it.
“Hello?” You spoke faintly, your belly flip flopping.
He’s probably calling to say he’s packing his shit and moving out.
“Where are you?!” He asked, his voice ragged and worried. Uneven with what could only be fear. “I got home and you weren’t here and I’m freaking the fuck out. Are you okay? Are you safe? Are you with someone?”
Wait. What? Why was he scared?
For some reason, you wanted to be obtuse and not answer his questions. Apparently you were just feeling like an asshole tonight. You didn’t know. You were just tired as hell and didn’t know how to approach him. You wanted to tell him. But, you didn’t.
“I’m fine. I’m just not home.”
“Y/n. Fucking duh. I just told you I’m here,” he replied, impatient but still concerned. “Where are you?”
“What if I don’t want to tell you?” Lie.
He sighed. You could imagine him running a hand across his forehead. His eyes were most likely closed, out of patience. Damn. You’d gotten real used to stressing him out if you could guess the motions.
“Then don’t, I guess,” he relented, voice tense and irritated. “Can you just let me know you’re safe?”
As if on cue, the guys at the bar went ballistic. It made you tense up and roll your eyes at the disruption they were causing to the entire restaurant. But, specifically how they were shouting in the middle of you talking to Jake.
“Are you at a party?” He gaped, sounding utterly shocked.
Yet again, the men started screaming at the top of their lungs, proceeding to yell a variation of the words Yes! and go-go-go-go!, plus a bunch of other shit you couldn’t understand.
You couldn’t help the growl that came from your mouth, your eyes slowly closing in annoyance. “No, Jacob. Do you really think I’d be at a party?”
“Jesus, sorry,” he apologized. He let out a deep sigh, causing the speaker to rattle a little into your ear. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I’m worried about you.”
Worried about–? What?
Lay off of him, y/n. You were crying buckets before you left home because you wanted him so badly. Come on. You know he is not the cause of the football fuckers going ham. Don’t take it out on him.
You let out a giant sigh, pinching the bridge of your nose. Tried to tune out the men to your left. Because Jake. Jake was on the phone. And it didn’t take rocket science to know that you really wanted to see him. Quite frankly, you felt the need to see him.
But. . .did he want to see you? Or was he just being kind? Only worried about you because he was a decent human being? With no underlying, deeper meaning other than you being pregnant and alone? Did it make you weak if you told him where you were?
Who cares? Just tell him.
“I’m at Applebee’s,” you sighed, rubbing your forehead before placing the same hand over your round belly to trace shapes against it.
“Are you with someone?” He asked, tone smooth with a slight edge behind it.
“No, Jake,” you grumbled. Why did he care?
“Do you want me there?” He questioned apprehensively, sounding like it was what he wanted.
But why? He’d left you.
“Do you want to be here?”
“Yes–well,” he paused. “Only if you want me there.”
“Do you think I want you here?”
Why the game of 20 Questions, y/n? His night has already been hard enough.
You knew why. You were avoiding the impending confrontation of seeing him again. Just as much as you did want to see him, you were putting it off because you were nervous. There was no telling what would be said. Would he leave again? Would he say he didn’t want to be in the child’s life? Did it even matter?
“Yes,” he softly responded, waiting for you to confirm or deny.
He was right. And he’d unintentionally answered both of your questions. Yes, it mattered and yes, you wanted him here.
So, after telling him which Applebee’s you were at, he told you he’d be there soon and to stay put before he hung up. The sloppy jocks suddenly started cheering again, clapping each other’s backs. Though, in spite of them, you couldn’t help the quiet smile that swept over your lips.
He was coming for you.
-🌼🌼🌼-
There were about ten minutes between your apartment and Applebee’s, so you waited.
Just ten minutes. But time crawled.
You were equal parts excited and terrified to see him. The only plausible solution to ease you while you waited, was to watch the door. Your brain was tripping over questions and curiosities all based around him, but just like you’d tried to do all night, you ignored them. Just watched. the. door.
In reality, you really didn’t have much time to think about a whole lot before Jake was walking through the doors. Not wearing a rain jacket (or a jacket of any sort) to cover him from the rain. . . which meant he was soaking. wet.
And oh no no no no. . . seeing him like that was not good for your baby hormones. Fuck. Why hadn’t he grabbed one before he left the apartment?!
He was going to catch a cold.
To be totally truthful, you were quite happy he hadn’t put one on. . . Reason being, you could see every single droplet that dripped from his hair. . .that touched his skin. You watched each one fall from the long strands of his wavy locks. Some dripped one-by-one, down the thick column of his neck. And others, directly to the tanned skin of his chest. . . Some even trailing to a hidden place underneath his shirt. . .
He was wearing a light blue button down, the material completely stained from the heavy, unrelenting downpour. You wanted to just peel it off of him–take care of him. You wanted to remove each piece of clothing, carefully dry every part of his body. . .
Not even meaning to, you caught yourself biting your lower lip before soothing it with a lick of your lips. . .
Okay, y/n. Biting and licking your lips? Seriously?! Stop.
You turned around, pinching your eyes shut. Honestly, ogling over him in this very public space was not ideal. Shouldn’t have been ogling him at all. He wasn’t yours. But dammit your body couldn’t help but heat in his presence.
Though, the atmosphere of the restaurant did not match your mood at all. In addition to the hoard of men with their beer, the place had become busier – bustling with groups of women and men alike.
The football guys were still the worst part. You were getting sick of them–on your last nerve.
The continuous hooting and hollering that emitted from the men was obnoxious at best. Stereotypical men. In their natural habitat. They hadn’t stopped acting like heathens during the game and whooped loudly at every Republican ad that played during the commercial breaks. . . Beer bottles repeatedly clanged against each other. You were coming to realize there was zero chance of them quieting down.
And suddenly it dawned on you that the idea of having to talk to Jake in an Applebee’s, during a (presumably important) football game, sounded dreadful. Having white college men as background noise was the last thing you wanted.
You looked back over towards the door, anxious to set eyes on a real man. Only to find he was finally making his way to you. His shoulders, broad, but shaking and shivering. He kept his arms tightly at his sides, hands in pockets and arms flexing with the shivers, beneath the thin material of his button down.
You didn’t look too long, though. . . Turned back around — didn’t want to stare long enough for him to catch you. You shook your thoughts away. And for the first time since you’d sat down, the young, drunken men were slightly welcomed as they helped to keep you nailed down to the present with their ludicrous screams.
Before you knew it, his body came into your view, walking down the small aisle to your table. God, he was handsome. Even with flushed cheeks and wet hair sticking to his face, he was beautiful.
When Jake finally slid into the booth, he was still shaking off his chill. He cupped his hands around his mouth and breathed harshly into them before clapping and rubbing them together under the table. You knew you were in a daze watching him and you’d stay that way if you didn’t try to speak soon.
“Are you trying to catch a fucking cold?” You hastily questioned him, raising your eyebrow for emphasis.
He stilled momentarily, setting a steady glare your way. “I rushed here. I didn’t think about grabbing one before just focusing on getting here.”
“Why the rush? You knew I was safe.”
“I was anxious to see you.”
Your heart leapt into your throat. So anxious to not grab a cover for this rainstorm? Why?
“But you’re the one who left me,” you responded hesitantly after taking a minute to consider his words.
Suddenly, he stopped shaking. He cast his eyes down, sweeping over the table as he chewed at the inside of his cheek.
“I didn’t know what else to do,” he muttered before glancing up at you with eyes that read regret. “It was not the right decision. I know that and I’m so sorry. But I was just feeling a shit ton of emotions and I— I didn’t know what else—.”
“To do. I know,” you finished for him, nodding along to remind him he’d already mentioned that. “That’s not a valid excuse.”
He looked about ready to agree, but then his brows wrinkled and he tilted his head. He looked unsure. “I’m not sure if it’s valid or not, but it’s definitely not an excuse. I quite honestly didn’t know how the fuck to react, so that’s how I chose to feel it. Just needed to leave and refresh by—.”
“By fucking Maya?” You bit back.
What–?
Shit. Where the hell did those words come from? You hadn’t even. . . fuckfuckfuck. Nothing like fully exposing feelings you harbored.
“Excuse me?” He clipped back, voice alternating to a deeper tone. Aggravated.
You stuttered out a reply the best you could. “I–I was– I didn’t mean to–,” you bowed your head, ashamed of yourself. “I don’t know where that came from. I’m sorry.”
Really, you were very sorry. It was uncalled for.
His response was unexpected. “Don’t be sorry,” he softly said, sighing. Your eyes drew up, waiting to hear what else he had to say. You were not expecting him to reassure you. If you were in his shoes, you’d be appalled. He was rubbing his forehead when he tiredly responded, “Emotions are high right now.”
“Yeah, I guess. Except. . . I don’t really have a reason to be a bitch because I’ve already dealt with this,” you explained, motioning to your belly at the word this. “I’ve accepted it and I need to just. . . calm down.”
He snorted a laugh, brushing the tip of his nose with his pointer finger. The black hair-tie wrapped around his middle finger flashed into view. “Y/n, honey,” he started. But–you were slightly incoherent. Honey? What the fu–? “You’ve always been emotional. In all situations. No matter what,” he blew out a breath, a shiver running up his spine. He was drying off, slowly but surely. “I, of all people, would know.”
That last bit distracted you momentarily from him calling you a pet name. A sweet one at that. But. . . you weren’t focused on that. Rather, you were reeling at the fact that he’d just essentially made mention of the fact that he was the victim of you exposing your raw emotional state.
All you could think about— as you saw a glimpse of hurt flash over his brown eyes, him no doubt thinking of the same thing—was the kitchen. That blessed day in the kitchen where you’d gone full blast on him.
Avert avert avert.
You coughed, trying your best to clear the air. “I know it was probably necessary for you to go—leave. . . To think somewhere else, but . . . it did just suck for you to leave,” you admitted shyly. “It wasn’t an ideal time to be alone. Although. . .,” you sighed, watching his face as he concentrated on you. “I guess I brought it on myself. I should have told you sooner.”
“I am curious. . . Why didn’t you?”
“Because I was afraid of that happening,” you truly stated, waving your hand towards him. ��I was afraid of you . . . leaving or something that would hurt like hell. . .”
He nodded, pursing his lips as he considered it. “I understand that,” he caught your eyes, his own, soft. Then, suddenly vulnerable. “But. . . wouldn’t it have been easier to tell me first? And wasn’t it maybe more daunting to tell Josh? I mean you had to tell him about–,” he motioned between you two. You couldn’t help the blush that painted your cheeks. Then, he looked curious, brow quirked. “Wait. . . does he even know that it’s mine?”
“Yes, he does,” you confirmed with a barely-there grin.
He looked like he wanted to ask you something else, but ended up shaking his head and looking down at his lap, his hands moving to twiddle beneath the table before he did.
“You’re partially right. It would have made more sense to tell you first,” you agreed partially with his earlier statement, watching him. “But I’m not sure it would have been easier. . . there are factors in the way–between us. . . people that don’t deserve to have their lives changed.”
When he looked up from where he’d been watching his hands move, his eyes met yours. You shared a look, and you knew he understood why it would have been difficult. He knew the people–the person–you were referring to.
“I see your point. But. . .,” he cleared his throat. “It’s just me. No matter what’s changed between us. . . I’m still me. And this particular situation only concerns you, me, and the baby. No one else,” he clarified. “So, just because she’s in the picture now. . . it doesn’t mean you need to keep things from me.”
She's in the picture now. . . Stupidly, those words broke your heart.
The waitress was suddenly at the table with your food. All of it. Pretzel sticks, cheese, and your main course. She set your order on the table, but you knew you didn’t want to be here much longer. Not when you heard the hollering begin again towards the bar. You were also growing increasingly more tired by the second.
“Can I get the alfredo to go?” You asked hopefully.
“Sure! You want me to bring boxes for the rest, too?” Her large gray eyes were wide and bright with her seemingly innocent youth. “Just in case.”
“Yeah,” you grinned, leaning your arms on the table. “Sounds good. Thanks.”
She had nodded and was beginning to walk off when she noticed Jake sitting with you. When she saw him, her eyes bugged out and she stopped in her tracks before continuing any further.
“Wait–,” she started, her brow lifting. “Are you. . . in a band?”
His eyes darted to yours and then back to hers before he answered with a wide grin. “Yeah, actually,” he replied. “I am. It’s called–.”
“I know what it’s called!” She shrieked, her face lighting up instantaneously. “My friends and I love you guys. We’ve been to a few of your shows. We even saw you at the festival and got your demo CD! We went just for you guys,” she gushed, not pausing for more than a second. “I was so excited when I started to see your posters all over,” she rushed out, squealing a little. “We’re so excited for your shows coming up!”
His grin loosened, his cheeks flushing along with hers. “Well, thanks for coming to see us when we play,” he softly responded. “We have some other music being released soon. With a label,” he winked, glancing your way. You blushed, too, for whatever reason. What was happening in front of you? “Be on the lookout.”
The waitress’s smile took up her entire face. “Oh, we will!” She nodded enthusiastically, watching him closely for a few seconds longer than necessary. “I have to tell you. . . you’re so much hotter up close. I mean, from far away, hell yes. But right here? Oh my god.”
You decided you were definitely ready to leave.
The guys at the bar began exploding at the football game just then, the rain was still pattering against the window, tempting you. . . and then there was the apparent fangirl who did not want to leave. . . your eyes flickered to Jake’s. He’d been watching you, waiting for a sign.
“Do you mind grabbing those boxes?” He asked politely, his smile a bit more forced now.
And he didn’t even have to ask twice before she was nodding excitedly and racing off to get him what he wanted.
-🌼🌼🌼-
Thanks to Jake intervening and then quickly getting your food in the boxes for you, you were in his car within fifteen minutes. He’d effectively taken over the bill and paid for you, and had run to grab his car while he made you wait at the door.
“You don’t need to be getting sick,” he’d explained, right before he covered the front of his face, beeping his car unlocked, and running to pull it up.
Your heart fluttered in your chest at the way he was tending to you.
But before you could feel too giddy about it, you felt weird about it. You didn’t want him to suddenly like you again just because you were carrying his baby. He didn’t need to go above and beyond—you didn’t want him to feel obligated to do anything. So, as soon as he’d pulled his Jeep up (and helped you up and inside of it, effectively getting himself soaked again), you got in and waited for him to get in.
As you sat, it encouraged you even more because he’d even gone the extra mile and turned on the seat heaters. He was doing too much when he didn’t need to.
He’d started driving as soon you got in, and you tried damn hard not to watch him drive. Because, you’d just learned, that for some asinine reason, your fucking baby hormones went into overdrive when you’d tried watching a soaking wet Jake behind the wheel of his car. The way he leaned back, relaxed, one arm resting on the console between you two. . .
So, in order to distract yourself, you brought up your winding trail of thought.
“Please don’t start caring about me again just because I’m carrying your baby.”
You heard him scoff under his breath, the sound alone making your heartbeat quicken as you waited for his response.
“Start caring about you again? What does that even—?”
Crossing your arms under your (always sore) boobs, you sat up straighter in your seat to keep some sort of dignity as you further explained. “Jake, you’ve been distancing yourself from me for months now—and for good reason, mind you—I just don’t want you to start doing nice things just because of this situation,” you sighed, deciding to instead lace your hands across your stomach. Training your eyes on your thumbs that tapped your sweatshirt, you continued. “I don’t need you overextending yourself on my behalf.”
He didn’t say anything for a while, and next time you looked up, you were already at the second to last light to the complex. Biting your lip, you contemplated what to say to break the heavy air in the car. . . you always hated when you felt like you’d said something wrong. And you knew you were very good at saying the wrong thing.
So, you decided on an apology. “I’m sorry if something I said was wrong,” you offered, pitifully. It had been a long night. There was no way you wanted to end it with him mad at you. “Really. I just—.”
“You’re overthinking, y/n,” he promptly cut you off, making a turn to the last light. “I never stopped— I didn’t stop caring about you when we stopped—,” he blew out a breath, stopping at the red light.
“I’m sorry I said tha—.”
“No. Don’t be sorry. You’re right; I have been distant. And, again, you were right when you said it's for good reason. It’s been for damn good fucking reason,” he clipped, letting the words sit in the air for a minute. “But just because I’m not talking to you or falling asleep next to you—.” He coughed. You could imagine he was shaking his head. “It doesn’t mean I don’t still want what’s best for you. Hence why I’m the one who initiated the therapy conversation. I kept my end of the deal and researched for you because I care.”
Your insides had officially turned to mush and you weren’t sure how to process that he still cared so deeply. But, he was right. . . Him bringing up the therapy showed his heart. . . You knew his heart. Knew how deeply he felt things. . . What you would continue to wonder was why you were something he hadn’t stopped caring about. When you’d been such a massive bitch. You weren’t worth it.
Heart beating quickly in your chest, you cleared your throat as he once again passed through a green light. The last one. You were almost home.
Gotta wrap it up quickly.
“I’m sorry again,” you muttered. “For not telling you sooner.”
“Don’t be. It was your call to tell who you wanted first,” he sighed, turning on his right blinker to turn into the complex. “I just need to get out of my head about it—need to not let it piss me off.”
You looked out the windshield, the rain had let up. It was only sprinkling now. Taking a deep breath, you admitted to him what you knew to be true. “I really should have told you before Josh. I know that.”
Glimpsing for a millisecond from the corner of your eye, you saw his lip quirk before he looked your way at the perfect moment. Your eyes met briefly before you turned back to observe the parking lot through your window.
“Really?” He questioned warily. “Do you mean that or are you just saying it to make me feel better? Because you don’t have to do that just because I’m being a pussy abou–.”
The snort-laugh that came from you was unintentional, but you couldn’t contain it. “Jake. You aren’t being a pussy.” You turned your head to get a better look at his face now that he’d parked. His eyes waited for yours, highlighted by the fluorescent light he’d parked underneath. Right next to your Jetta. Smiling, you surely stated, “And, yes, I mean it. Truly. I know it would’ve been the right thing for me to tell you first.”
Considering the car was still running and in park. . .it seemed he wasn’t anxious to get inside. He was content like this. . . at least that’s what you gathered from the way he’d swiveled his body to face you better from his seat. So, you continued on with honesty, while you felt brave. “I was just really scared. Scared to tell you and learn how you’d react. . . I didn’t want to disappoint you with something you really do not need to be responsible for . . .”
Then, the unthinkable happened and he was reaching over to hold your hand over the console. It was a feeling unlike any other–the feeling of his skin against yours. The comfort of his hand, the warmth, the callouses that scratched your flesh the slightest bit as he rubbed the top of your hand with his thumb. How long had it been since he’d touched you?
His voice and the squeeze he gave your hand brought you out of your daze. “Y/n. . . look at me.” You did as he said, following his soft, gravelly tone, finding his eyes with your own. “I am the furthest thing from disappointed.”
“But–,” you shook your head, your brow wrinkled as you searched his eyes. “But the way you left. How angry you were because I hadn’t told you yet–or–or before Josh. . .”
“There’s a difference between feeling plain old upsetedness and full on disappointment,” he clarified, his eyes swimming in yours. His strong hand lightly held yours, squeezing once more. “I assure you, I was never once disappointed tonight that you are having my baby.”
. . .having my baby. The words bounced around in your head. . . hearing him say those words just. . . did something to your heart.
“I’m excited about all of it. Honestly.” He smiled, his eyes crinkling in the corners with how his eyes lit up at the sentiment. “I mean, it was a lot to wrap my mind around and I still haven’t totally grasped the reality yet, but. . . I’m happy. Very happy,” he squeezed once more, still not moving his hand from wrapping the top of yours. “And I really hope you let me take responsibility as the father of the baby, because I really want to know this child. . . already matters so much to me.”
Your heart clenched at his words. . . He meant them and you knew it. Jake’s heart was arguably the most genuine, honest, exquisite you’d ever come across. So, it really didn’t take a second thought to utter your next words. “You can absolutely have the responsibilities of a father. . . if that’s what you want,” you raised your eyebrow with the word if. And at that, he’d nodded with an I do spoken quietly against the lull of the A/C.
Though, there was one thing that he needed to know. The protective mama in you — that part of you needed to say this for your baby’s sake. He or she would not hurt like you had your whole life.
“However,” your tone got serious, unwavering. “You can’t pull the shit with leaving like you did tonight with the baby. If you want the responsibility, you’ve gotta be sure.”
“I am,” he said, not missing a beat. “I won’t do that again.”
“I mean, you can do it to me. I can handle it. I’ve learned that that happens. . . but the baby. . . I just–.”
“I’m not leaving either of you alone in this,” he assured, leaning closer to you. Your heart skipped a beat. Due to still drying from the rain, he smelled like the Earth– fresh, sweet, real. Solid. True. “I know you won’t be alone because you have Josh and Elsie and so many other people, but. . . I want to be in this with you and the baby.”
“What about Maya?” You lightly asked, slightly confused.
“She’s not going anywhere anytime soon,” he responded quickly. Too quickly. It made your chest tight and a giant rock hit the pit of your stomach. “But she will understand that I have to be there for you.”
Not trusting yourself to talk with the tears gathering in your throat, you just nodded before bowing your head to look at your little tummy. Reassurance in the sweetest, most innocent form.
He took a deep breath, the rush of his breath, fresh from a mint he’d sucked on on the way back. “I really shouldn’t have left you tonight,” he firmly stated.
You looked up from your belly, blinking a few times to register that he was speaking so closely to you, close enough for his breath, now brushed your cheek. Not super close, but close enough. Much closer than he’d been for a while.
He continued, “And you shouldn’t have to feel guilty for telling me on your own time. You are the one who was in charge of all of those decisions. It’s your body. Your body that’s growing the baby. . . So, it’s your right to decide things like that,” he enunciated, his intent to reassure, clear in his tone. “It just sucks a little bit for me that it was Josh, but that’s on me. . . not you. But even with all of that, I really should not have left. That gave you the opposite idea of what I wanted to give you. . . It was just a-fuckin’-lot to process all at once.”
“Yes, and you are completely entitled to believing that it was a lot–that it is a lot,” you reassured him, regretting a few of your words from earlier. “Even if you’re not the one carrying the baby, it’s going to be intense for you as the father. Maybe even more so–.”
He made a little noise of disagreement, but you just gave a quiet grin, holding up a hand.
“. . .in some senses. Especially since you can only experience it from the outside. I’m the one who is experiencing all of the changes, all of the time. I’m reminded every time I look down or touch my belly, but you don’t have that luxury every moment of the day.”
“Yeah, but it’s still more for you,” he argued.
“It’s okay, Jake,” you smiled. “I still agree. Trust me. I just wanted you to know that I understand how it might end up feeling for you. I was just afraid I made you feel like you weren’t validated in feeling overwhelmed. Leaving made sense. It’s just the worst feeling for a girl with abandonment issues,” you chanced a look down at your tummy, feeling awkward approaching so many personal feelings. It felt weird that it still felt so natural. He just brought it out in you. You quickly covered, not wanting to seem overbearing. “W-which, I can handle it–it is not on you to–”
“No, it is on me,” he seriously professed, eyes earnestly holding onto yours. “I knew about your past and I still left you. I am seriously so sorr–.”
“Jake,” you sighed his name, looking up at him again. His jaw was flexing, eyebrows turned in. “Stop apologizing,” your lips lifted in a soft smile, bringing a hand to sit on top of his. “We all do things we regret and it wouldn’t be fair for us to hold those things against each other. . . when we’ve all done thoughtless things in the heat of the moment.” At the last bit, your eyes left his to flash at your tummy. Your hand left the top of his to delicately hold your small bump. “Example A of a ‘Heat of the Moment’ moment.”
A quiet beat passed, his face thoughtful as his eyes studied your own before he spoke.
“I don’t regret that one though,” he said, eyes so big and so beautifully deep with emotion.
Wetness was suddenly gathering in the corners of your eyes when you traced them over him—over his chest, tanned and exhaling so handsomely with every breath he took. You looked away from his perfect pecs, and back up to his eyes.
“I don’t either.”
There were a few slow, nearly silent moments where all you could hear was the sound of your combined breaths with the A/C blasting against you both. Your hands still held each other, gripped each other. His hair was dry. His face was dry. And in the secret dimness of the night and the bright light of the tall lamp outside, you could see all of the delicate markings and freckles on his face. The light birthmark on the tan skin of his cheek.
Before you could think to do another ‘Heat of the Moment’ thing (weird term, but it definitely applied to you), and do something like rub the skin of his birthmark with your thumb, he was breaking eye contact, skin contact, and shutting the car off.
“Better go inside,” he said, pausing as he’d just taken the keys out of the ignition. “It’s getting late.”
“It also might start pouring again,” you added, opening your door, trying to make conversation.
He didn’t open your door that time, like he had at the restaurant. He just sent a quiet smile your way before getting out of his side. He did, however, wait for you to meet him at the rear bumper of the car before heading back to the apartment. You matched one another’s steps in silence. It was a bit awkward now, unlike the calm, still moment in the car. Your breaths, having combined in the shared space. . .
When you’d made it inside, he told you to go get ready for bed and that he’d feed Stevie and take care of the rest of the apartment.
“You just go to bed,” he waved you off, his expression kind. “It’s been a long night and you need rest.”
He obviously wanted to help, so you let him. Albeit, you let him do so while your heart fell a bit in your chest at your evening with him coming to an end. You hoped that there would be more times like this in the future with the baby you now both knew you shared.
Absently, you tucked a lock of hair behind your ear, then nodded and gave a faint goodnight. Once you were getting into bed in a giant t-shirt to cover the bit of ass exposed at the edges of your comfortable granny panties, you heard a little knock against your cracked door.
You waited for him to come in since the door was still cracked, but he didn’t.
“Yeah?” You called, brows drawn in.
He opened the white paneled door just enough to show him at the threshold of your room. His hand was on the knob while he leaned with the opposite forearm against the doorframe. You did very well at not blatantly checking him out. That was something to be proud of.
Though, you couldn’t be too proud, because you knew it was just because your tiredness had hit you like a ton of bricks. It had been impossible to ignore as soon as you’d felt the cool, soft cotton of the gray oversized t-shirt touch your skin.
Your blinking was becoming slower and slower by the second. But your eyes perked up a little when he cleared his throat, suddenly interested in anything he had to say. Even if it was something as simple as Stevie not being hungry. Just wanted to hear his voice once more before going to bed.
And you got exactly that as his eyes swept over your face briefly, deep in thought. “I really, genuinely do want to help however I can with the baby stuff—however you want me or need me. I want to help you because it means I’m helping the baby. Our baby.”
Okay, the next time he referred to the baby being his, you were sure your heart was going to beat completely out of your chest. It did things to you.
“Alright,” you responded tiredly, a slight blush warmed your cheeks. “That sounds good.”
When you loudly yawned, he nodded with a quiet grin fitting his handsome features. He began to shut the door, but just before he could, he opened it once more.
“I–,” he cleared his throat. Your stomach felt airy and light at the possibility of what he might say. You didn’t know what to expect, but him talking to you was just. . . exactly what you needed. “I took a drive and listened to music, by the way.”
You blinked, brow furrowed with confusion. “. . .What?”
“When I left tonight. I just drove around and listened to music,” he said, his amber-brown eyes, so earnest. “Cleared my head with music.”
“Why are you telling–?” You sleepily wondered aloud.
“I. . . didn’t go see anyone,” he elaborated. “Just wanted you to know that. Also, I promise I won’t tell anyone–including Maya– until you’re ready.”
“Okay,” you squeaked, unsure of what else to say.
After observing each other for just a few moments after he’d spoken, he suddenly dipped out with a quick ‘Goodnight.’
The thunderstorm picked up again right after he’d left you, Stevie racing in, all frazzled, with her tail fluffed out at the sounds of the storm. The sleep that threatened to cloud your vision was a most welcome friend as you let yourself become cozy under your soft, high thread count sheets and fluffy, featherlight duvet. Your head was nestled against the pillow, Stevie snuggled against your ankles, purring. And your brain was just wandering off to slumberland when you understood why he’d said what he did about not being with anyone. . . it finally clicked.
He’d wanted you to know he hadn’t been with Maya like you’d assumed. Like you’d brashly accused him of at Applebee’s.
. . .But why did he care to tell you?
-🌼🌼🌼-
The next morning, you sat at the counter with a book about pregnancy, taking notes. It was the end of your new morning routine.
You didn’t have class or work for the day, so you were enjoying some much needed down time. The idea that you’d be able to take countless naps literally made goosebumps rise on your skin.
“Hey.”
And now you had even more goosebumps erupting at the sound of his raspy voice.
“Morning,” you replied, highlighting a line in your book about staying ‘physically active’ during pregnancy.
“Morning. You feeling okay?”
“Mhm. . .” you replied, halfway present and barely looking up from the page and the sticky you were jotting a note onto.
“Taking notes?”
“So many,” you giggled, your eyes finally looking up to find him dressed and ready for the day at the Keurig, preparing a cup of coffee. “All the time, I’m doing research.”
“I believe it,” he replied, clicking his K-cup in the holder. The hot drink was trickling into his mug when he looked at you in question. “Based on your research, can you have caffeine? Could I make you a coffee or something?”
“Um, not the safest in high amounts,” you pondered, flipping to the page where you’d just read about that a few days ago and quoted the book for him. “‘Drinking caffeine during pregnancy has some major health risks. The caffeine gets digested much slower and goes through the placenta into your baby’s bloodstream,’” you droned, feeling obnoxious with the long response.
“Interesting. Anything else it says about it?”
You raised a brow and gave him an ‘mhm’ before looking at the page again. “‘This means that the caffeine side effects of a racing heart rate, high blood pressure, and a stimulated nervous system affect you and your baby. The result is a higher chance of miscarriage. Even small amounts have been known to cause a 13% increase in low birth weight for your newborn,’” you glanced up, he was rubbing his chin, listening to every word. So, you finished out the paragraph. “‘Try switching to a naturally decaffeinated herbal tea, but do consult your doctor or midwife as certain herbs can cause premature labor.’”
“Have you tried any herbal tea?”
You made a gagging motion. Herbal tea honestly did not strike your fancy at this stage in your life. “The baby says herbal tea sounds disgusting,” you joked. He huffed a laugh with you as you finished your thought. “I’m looking into smoothies to start the day. I’m actually going to try making a few today since I’m home all day.”
“Cool. Just thought I’d offer,” he finished.
Or so you thought.
After getting his coffee off the Keurig, he made his way around the counter to sit in the barstool next to you. Heat washed over your face at his closeness.
“Speaking of doctor or midwife. . . which are you going with?”
“Doctor,” you answered. “Her name is Dr. Rose. Sweet, middle aged, Southern lady.”
“Oh, you’ve had your first appointment?” He asked, sounding curious and a little apprehensive.
“Yeah. . . First one last week.”
“Oh,” he replied, sounding just a little discouraged. But he tried to cover it. “Cool. How did it go? Did you have to go alone?”
“Mhm,” you said, suddenly digging into a page and very seriously taking notes on a sticky note about random ass shit you could care less about. “Josh went. It went well.”
He hummed, not responding right away. And you knew why.
You really did feel guilty now that you’d taken Josh to your first appointment and not Jake. He was the baby’s father, after all. And thinking about how he’d have reacted to seeing the baby with you, both of you, for the first time. . . You were suddenly very downcast as you thought of the missed opportunity.
“But you can come to the rest of them with me,” you rushed out, suddenly looking up at him as you said so. His eyes were huge as he watched you be neurotic. God, you were annoying. “If–if you want. I don’t want to pressure you.”
“O–of course. Yes,” he stuttered. “You tell me when and I’ll be there. Every single one.”
You realized he sounded eager and thrilled, not frightened like you feared.
“Okay,” you acknowledged, slightly breathless.
Once again, you were in the same situation as you had been last night. He was, once more, so close. Right there. Your shared breathing, the only sound comprehensible to your ears in the calm, quiet of the morning. His breath, smelling of coffee, should have turned you off. . . but it didn’t not at all. And the way he went to lick his lips, just once– his eyes, not leaving yours. . .
Then, he was jolted back to reality, blinking furiously.
“I’ve, um, gotta go run some errands and then I have a meeting with the label,” he suddenly said, rising up. He grabbed his cup, rushing around, dumping it in the sink before grabbing a cinnamon bagel from the pantry. He bent to get a Zip-loc bag from a lower cabinet, and your eyes moved on their own to his ass in his light denim jeans.
What. A. Sight. Now you were darting your tongue out to sweep over your lips.
He zipped up the bagel and left it on the counter to hurry to his room. When he reappeared, he was holding his phone, sending a text based on the sound, before he tucked it into his front pocket. He also held a beat up guitar case.
“Still carrying around that same old case?” You grinned, a brow perked at the sight of the duct tape holding it together. A few stickers here and there, littering the case. “Not a new one to match your new rockstar life?”
“The case adds character,” he winked, your blushing face, the victim. Then, he was on his way to the door, keys jingling out of the bowl on the counter and into his hand. “Let me know if you need anything today.”
You were responding with an agreeing noise and word as he shut the door behind him. But when your eyes scanned the counter again, you saw the bagel. Even though it was just a bagel with cinnamon swirl, it was still his breakfast. He needed to eat. That’s what had you rushing out the door after him, your page getting a quick sticky pressed into it.
And, as soon as you saw the twinkle in his eye at you remembering to grab the bagel for him, you realized that you just wanted that. If you were being completely honest, you’d just needed that one last smile to start your day. The perfect start to a morning, you’d say.
-🌼🌼🌼-
You decided to order some chicken fajitas from a local restaurant. DoorDash was your new best friend with the pregnancy cravings.
Chicken fajitas were a new favorite for the baby. A weekish ago when you’d first tried them as a pregnant woman, you’d learned they tasted more delicious than they ever had before. They didn’t make your tummy roll.
As you waited for the food to arrive, you decided to do some tidying around the apartment. You washed a couple of dishes you’d left in the sink from the morning, and picked up notebooks, textbooks, and toys of Stevie’s from around the living room. Then, after further inspection of the living room, you realized it could handle a sweep or two with a vacuum. And after that, you decided to Swiffer the kitchen. Didn’t feel like full-on mopping, but you had to round out the floor cleaning.
Before you could head to your bedroom or restroom to clean those spaces, a boundary was drawn for you when you heard a knock at the front door. DoorDash. Food. Fajitas.
Suddenly, unashamedly, your mouth was watering. Food took total priority over cleaning and you left the vacuum and Swiffer precisely where they were. You never left them out after cleaning, but you were hungry, okay?
But just as you’d made it to the door, you didn’t have to open it. Instead, you heard polite conversation from the other side, thank you’s and have a good night’s.
Before he opened the door, you went ahead and did it for him. And so, when you did, there was Jake, holding your food. The fajitas didn’t matter much anymore.
Well. . . That was until he walked in and you got a good whiff of the steaming, seasoned vegetables and grilled chicken. Priorities were back to normal real quick with an embarrassing rumble from your stomach.
-🌼🌼🌼-
Once you’d eaten all of your food in basically one bite, you sat on your sofa with a damn good book you were quickly becoming entranced by. But about twenty minutes into you sitting there, Jake appeared from where he’d disappeared to shower after he’d sat your food on the counter.
“You know, I keep thinking about something,” Jake started, coming to sit on the opposite end of the couch from you.
He was freshly showered— looking and smelling fucking delicious–hints of citrus came from his drying hair. Then, you smelled the warm and slightly sweet scent of sandalwood as he moved, propping his pajama clad legs on the coffee table in front of you two, unsticking his ripped t-shirt from his probably still-wet chest. You tried very hard not to watch him situate himself, too. The way he adjusted the inner seam of his pants, dangerously close to his. . .
Yeah, you looked away. Focused hard on the book you were trying your damnedest to read. His body was a massive distraction.
Trying to not be totally inappropriate, you replied to his earlier statement, still training your eyes on the page in front of you. “What were you thinking about?”
“I brought up the therapy thing the other night,” he started. You gave an absentminded ‘mhm’ in response, finally finding slight interest in the characters in front of you again. “And I’ve been wondering. Did you ever give that a second thought? Starting therapy?”
You blinked your eyes a few times, trying to catch up with the more serious topic of conversation. Looking up from your book, you closed it and put it to the side. When you placed the novel on the coffee table, he followed your hand back to you. His eyes found yours and your eyes fluttered again. You shook your head. “Yeah,” you trained your features, letting a smile float to your lips at his attention to you. “I actually–um–I started going.”
His features showed unkempt elation at your words. His eyes, bright and a wide smile on his lips. He sat up, facing you better than before, a foot balanced on the floor as the other bent with his body leaning towards you. “Seriously?!”
“Yeah,” you blushed. Why did he care so much? Surely it was mostly for the wellbeing of the baby. Right?
You know he cared before he knew about the baby, a calm voice hushed in the corners of your mind. Just let him in. Don’t be afraid.
Clearing your throat, you kept up with your thoughts and tried to open up in spite of your ever-swirling unsureness. “Thank you for doing the research. Really. I’m super grateful. You gave me the push I needed and I’ll never be able to thank you enough. The baby, too,” you added. “I wanted to get better for the baby. You two made quite the team in helping me want to be better.”
His cheeks reddened, complimenting his skin tone and the few freckles and scars that dotted his cheeks. He shook his head, “Don’t thank me. I just wanted to help–that’s it. You made the brave move to start,” his lips twitched with a quiet, close-lipped grin. “How’s it going? Well–no–you don’t have to answer–that’s not my–.”
You ignored him, suddenly feeling this urge to fill him in. “I love my therapist. Like, she is already one of my favorite people on this fucking earth,” you beamed, thinking of Gia’s wonderful aura and personality. “And we actually start EMDR in a couple of weeks.”
“Oh,” he started, surprised. His eyes widened as he leaned back into the arm of the couch nearest him. “You decided on EMDR, too?”
“Yeah,” you nodded, glancing down briefly before letting your eyes dance with his again. “That seemed to be the only logical route since there’s so much shit to dig through that I don’t even–can’t even remember. It seemed like the most intensive form of therapy and I needed that.”
“Are you afraid of what you might find?”
“Yes,” you replied without question. “But, that’s the only way you can properly heal. Sometimes things that feel right–like EMDR, because it just feels like the right path already– those things, they’re going to probably also feel a little uncomfortable and feared at first. But, it all leads to the ultimate destination of being healed. And that’s what matters most.”
There was a quietness, a cozy silence that settled between the two of you. A few moments where you shared breaths and your gazes intertwined. . . It felt heavenly to share space with him like this when things felt normal and all right between the two of you. There wasn’t another word for it.
His eyes were sincere with his tone when he broke the silence. “Y/n,” he breathed your name, making your tummy flutter with the most illustrious butterflies. “I am so fucking proud of you.”
Suddenly feeling like you were getting too much praise for something you were doing for the baby rather than yourself, you shook your head and brushed him off with a wave of your hand. “Don’t be,” you encouraged with a little scoff, shaking your head. “It’s not a big deal. Really.”
“I will be proud and it is a big deal,” he concluded. “All I’ve wanted is for you to feel closer to being whole–you deserve it.”
“The baby deserves it most,” you argued–didn’t want to be self-centered on the subject. “It’s for the baby.”
“Well,” he cleared his throat, crossing his arms across the chest of his white t-shirt. “I want you to focus on helping yourself, too, y/n. Please,” he asked, tone softening. Your eyes flickered across his. “I brought it up in the first place because I wanted you to feel better.”
You took it as food for thought, nodding at his words. Truly, you did consider what he’d said. . . his opinion mattered a helluva lot to you–probably too much. But you didn’t want to waver from who you were doing it mostly for. Your hand found your tummy as you reached the coffee table for your book and Stanley.
Taking a big sip from your trusty tumbler, you eyed him once more before opening your book. You didn’t want him to feel obligated to stay in here with you when you were sure he had better things to do. “I will remember that,” you offered with a small grin, flipping your book open to where you dog-eared it.
You waited for him to get up from his spot on the couch, but. . . he didn’t. He stayed put, situating his body to face the TV.
In your peripheral vision, you saw how his legs spread across the cushion and once again tried to ignore ignore ignore. But you couldn’t help the thought that there was just something so fucking enticing about Jake Kiszka manspreading. It was gross when every other man did it. But Jake? All it made you want to do was straddle his sturdy hips.
Fuck. Focus on the book. Come on, y/n.
“Also. . .you realize, if you are craving something,” he began, pulling you from your book yet again. “You don’t have to DoorDash it. I’m always willing to go get you the food you are wanting.”
To put it simply, you were surprised by the turn in conversation. It was sort of random, but also not random all at the same time.
For no reason whatsoever, you decided to combat the sweet offer. “What if you’re with Maya when I’m craving something?”
Why the fuck were you like this? Honestly, it felt mostly like a form of protection from getting your hopes up too high. . . it was a coping mechanism. But you hated it. It was stupid.
He hummed, thinking. Then, he piped up with an answer in no time. “I’ll just try to make sure we hang out here more than her house. Simple.”
Oh, joy.
“You’d rather be here than her massive mansion of a home?” You questioned, trying to not think about seeing her stupidly stunning face more than you wanted to.
“Well, yeah,” he confusedly responded. “This is my home and I like being here.”
His home. He liked being here. The words pulled at you–in every direction. Broke you and made you wish things were different.
“How does she afford that, by the way?” You unapologetically nosed, not wanting to sit in any downhearted thoughts. It was rude to pry, you knew. But you didn’t really care at the moment.
He chuckled raspily, reaching to the coffee table for the Roku remote. When your eyes immediately looked over your book to peer at his waist, you didn’t think twice about it. It was whatever. “She’s the financial manager for this big corporation on Fifth Avenue.”
Your stomach fell. Jesus. Besides having trash music taste, apparently she was incredibly intelligent, too? What didn’t she have? You couldn’t even figure out what the fuck you wanted to do with your life and she was financially managing a giant ass company?Depressing as hell. Showed you your worth once again, in comparison to her. She was someone and you were literally nobody.
“Can I watch something?” He asked you, patiently waiting. You gave a half-ass ‘yeah, of course’ in reply, not fully present.
And when he eventually turned on some documentary about pirates that sort of piqued your interest, too, you decided to close your book for a final time. And you didn't put any more substance to your gloomy self-consciousness. It was your own fault you were feeling this way now–being nosy when you shouldn’t have been. Prying into someone’s life who’d never done anything wrong to you.
Yeah, she’d slept with Jake. . . but did she even know that you’d also–? Shit. Did she know that the woman her boyfriend lived with used to fuck him, too? How in the hell would she react to the news if she didn’t already know that–? Your stomach twisted into knots at the thought of her finding out about. . . all of it.
The courage sprouted up as a historian started speaking on an infamous female pirate. “Does–does Maya know that we used to. . .?”
His brows dipped, thoughtful, turning down the television to acknowledge you’d spoken. But, he kept watching the documentary, his eyes honed in on the black-boxed subtitles. “No, actually. No she doesn’t. Didn’t really feel the need to tell her.”
Of course he didn’t feel the need. It kind of really hurt, but it wasn’t on Jake. Not at all. You knew very well that the sex probably wasn't as important to him as he’d once expressed. You’d been so angry and hateful to him, enough to drive away any sort of deep, lingering feelings that might have lied there.
He knew that it wasn’t special enough that she needed to know. It was something of the past. All that mattered now was her. Only now. . . There was one inevitable reason it would have to come to light. You didn’t give voice to the obvious. The fact that, now, he would have to tell her. And you both knew it.
As he turned the volume up a couple notches, you couldn’t help but wonder how the fuck would she react.
-🌼🌼🌼-
November 21, 2022
You couldn’t have made it to your car any faster if you tried. Looking at your parking decision in hindsight, you realized you should have parked closer to the campus advisory office. But you hadn’t. You’d left your car parked where it had been for class. So now you had to walk a much longer distance that you could have avoided. . . If you’d just thought ahead.
And in depressing moments like these, you wished you would have. The tears that flew down your cheeks in steady tracks made you beyond grateful that you hadn’t worn mascara. You’d had to meet with your advisor today to touch base and talk career plans. . . It was something that Pratt had decided to add to all program studies, for senior students. The idea of the meeting was to help students feel supported.
But you didn’t feel fucking supported. Not at all. The way your advisor had blatantly judged you for even daring to bring up the idea of being a lyricist. . . She had instantly struck your idea down with a curt shake of her head and furrowed brows. Her eyes had lit up with laughter. But thankfully, she hadn’t been so terrible as to actually laugh in your face.
Her words hadn’t been much better than that alternative, though. She’d unabashedly, condescendingly criticized your idea of becoming a lyricist. She made you feel stupid for ever even thinking of it as a possibility.
“I’m not saying it’s impossible, but there’s a very slim chance that a label will take a fresh graduate. That’s a career you have to prove yourself in. Takes a long time to do that, a lot of experience that you don’t have.”
The snarky tone in her voice pissed you off. Her words stuck with you enough that they dared to crush every dream you had about your future, which is something an advisor should not do. They should encourage, not discourage, to the point of making their advisee’s feel like utter shit after an appointment.
So, as you finally made it to your car, you tried to contain the sobs that threatened to escape. . . but to no avail. Because, over and over again, you thought of how your advisor–someone who should be helping you to pursue your dreams–basically told you that you weren’t good enough for the one thing you wanted to do. She’d told you as much in her “officially official doctorate-level” advisor lingo. If her goal had been to completely crush you, she’d done just that.
You were glad your next stop was therapy because you desperately needed to hear Gia’s two cents.
-🌼🌼🌼-
November 21, 2022
You spent roughly 30 minutes filling Gia in on the past week of your life. She heard all about you telling Jake, talking to your campus advisor, and any other thing that came to mind to tell her.
When you started the session, Gia had let you know that you only had the first thirty minutes because you needed to find your mental and emotional safe place by the end of the session. It was today’s goal to establish that place. Finding your footing in the safe place was a vital precursor before you began EMDR. She’d had great advice for your life update, once you’d effectively word-vomited all over her.
To your utter relief, the career thing didn’t bother her at all. Her expression barely changed as she’d shrugged. The first thing she’d done was assure you that everything would be fine and it would work out and that you have time to figure it out, despite what societal norms would tell you. So, even though that had been the biggest, most terrifying thing on your mind when you’d shown up to counseling today, you decided to not worry about it since Gia didn’t seem disturbed by the news at all.
“Anything is possible,” she’d reassured you once your tears had momentarily stopped after telling her everything your advisor had said. “Don’t let a few words–opinions– from one woman make you disbelieving of that fact.”
Her opinions on Jake were positive, too, which made your heart swell in your chest. Though, it simultaneously broke for the fact that you couldn’t kiss him and hug him and be with him to tell him what she thought of him. Would he think it was weird if you told him what she thought of him? Would it freak him out that you’ve talked about him enough to Gia that she has a solid preconceived opinion of him?
“And Jake. . .,” she’d remarked at the end of the thirty minute mark, rolling back in her chair to her desk to get a big swig of her herbal tea. Your baby thought it was gross, your stomach rolling, but good for her and her nasty tea. “He is an outstanding example of a man. I’m impressed with his actions, his words. . . all of it. He seems like a stand up guy, and I hope I get to meet him one of these days,” her grin was sly, but you didn’t know why.
So, yes, while your heart beat erratically and longingly at her words about him, it simultaneously broke your heart for the fact that you couldn’t kiss him and hug him and be with him to tell him what she thought of him. Would he think it was weird if you told him what she thought of him? Would it freak him out that you’ve talked about him enough to Gia that she has a solid preconceived opinion of him?
It made you think, as you watched her type notes on her laptop . . . Would you have told him if you were still seeing each other? Surely so. . . But maybe not. . . you weren’t really the best at complimenting him. And you sort of (desperately) hated that.
Don’t fucking think about it, y/n, a thoughtful, protective voice said to you. Just think about you right now.
So, you did the best you could to shove any thought of being a bitch to him from your mind. And instead focused on Gia’s comfortable couch. Soft camel-colored leather. The way the cushion sank under you felt like sitting on a dense cloud. She was making light conversation before getting to the nitty gritty. You focused on her the best you could.
Today would be your first venture into the realm of EMDR. . . . And you were anxious to begin this long-awaited journey of replenishing your soul with the incredible gift of reprocessing.
“The safe place we are finding today will be where you go when things become too much during our EMDR sessions.” Gia wheeled closer to you in her light pink office chair, the smell of eucalyptus and mint following her, as she must use it as a sort of body oil or spray. She carried the calming smell with her everywhere. And the office, so wonderfully consoling with the scent of lavender. The little machine that spurted the essential oil every 10 minutes. All of these things combined, keeping the room drenched in calm.
“There are places your mind is going to take you, some darker than others. These are scenes from your life that you will need to experience again in order for us to process through them so you can heal through them. Considering, you know, EMDR is simply a reprocessing technique,” she explained, adjusting her wire lens frames on her nose. “In order to not feel trapped, claustrophobic, or overwhelmed in these memories, you will need to have a safe place to turn to–a place to run to–a scene to easily unlock. It might be unknown to you until you actually plant your feet in that scene, but this place is already the natural wave your brain takes to feel safe.” She added one more thing to this train of thought. “This will just be the first time your brain is able to fully experience it. . . because you’re actually giving yourself the permission to do so.”
She held her hands out, palms up, and you took the hint and placed your hands in hers. As you would have guessed, her hands were soft as silk, matching the rest of her fairy-like aura. She squeezed once, lightly before continuing, “Now, I will be there the whole time, watching you, to monitor if you are doing alright. Sometimes you can sense it and get out, and other times it’s a little bit trickier. I will watch your eyes and the way your muscles tense, to gauge how I believe you’re feeling. Your body language will speak the words you may not be able to. This is an incredibly intricate form of therapy that we will wade through together. You will never be alone.”
She grinned, and you did the same. The way she explained these things to you was so assuaging. Were you scared? Hell yes. Of course you were scared. You were about to experience events that had become so dark and secreted in your mind, that they’d left you deep, lasting trauma. . . for a second time.
The re-experiencing aspect was daunting. But. . . you weren’t intimidated. You felt strong to withstand what was to come from your mind. There was the sense that you could overcome the darkness that was buried–some forgotten, some not–in your mind. . . especially if Gia was there to help you through it.
She let go of your hands after giving one more reassuring press. Then she was wheeling back to her desk.
“How are you feeling? Are you comfortable?” Gia asked, grabbing a round, average size cloth, zipped bag off of her desk and placing it in her lap.
“I’m honestly feeling very much at ease right now. And, yes,” you replied honestly. You pressed your hands into the cool leather of the couch you were sitting on, your hands sinking into the ideally aged material. “I love your couch.”
“That’s good,” she smiled, full lips stretching over her white teeth. “Now, I want you to do a few calming exercises with me. We will start with deep breaths, then we will practice a few eye movement exercises. You just let me know when you’re ready.”
Not wanting to wait any longer, you responded readily. “I would love to begin whenever.”
“You’re sure?”
“Yes,” you replied, brows fixed and eyes serious. “The sooner I can heal from this, myself, the sooner I’ll be healed for my baby. I’m ready.”
She raised a perfectly trimmed, coffee-colored brow. “You’re incredible, y/n.”
You rolled your eyes, but thanked her nonetheless. You weren’t incredible. Your baby was, and he or she was why you were doing this. The baby was your push, without even being born yet–the baby was the powerful one.
Gia had you complete a variation of calming breathing exercises to center yourself. And after those, you completed eye movement exercises for the first time in your entire life. It was . . . odd, yet equally nice.
“Your body is loosening. You’re letting yourself transcend–easing your mind,” she said, voice airy and light. Your form felt just as light as her tone. “Now, open your eyes. We’ll do a shortened version of those techniques right before we begin.
Your eyes slowly opened back to reality to see her unzipping the round black case she’d been holding in her lap. When she opened it, the contents of it were brand new to you. You’d never really seen a thing like the devices she was moving to hold in her hands. She pulled out two little black devices that were attached to a chord plugged into a slightly larger black box. This one, though, had knobs and buttons decorating the front of it. Your curiosity was growing by the second.
She wheeled her chair over to you once more, holding the black gadgets in each hand.
“These are tactical paddles,” she said, motioning for you to take them. When you did, she turned a knob on the black box she was still holding, sending a full vibration to the ones in your hands. “They’re buzzers that will help activate both sides of your brain during the session.”
They were buzzing one by one as you held them in the middle of your palms. You couldn’t tell if it was just your imagination, but you swore you felt each side of your brain moving right along with them. She scooted back a bit, giving you space to experience the feeling. She adjusted the knob just slightly once she’d moved away and you felt their vibrations speed up a little.
“Do they feel okay?” She asked, situating the frames of her glasses higher on the bridge of her nose. “How are you feeling?”
“It’s strange,” you said without thinking. “It’s very comfortable to hold them. . . but that is part of why it’s strange.”
Gia loosely giggled at that and reassured you that that reaction was more than typical and that she always considered that particular combination of feelings a good place to begin.
After completing the body relaxation practices once more, you were being guided by Gia. “Relax your body. Lean back. Lay back. Whatever feels best for you.” With the last word, she adjusted the paddles down to a more neutral setting. Your hands felt tingly in a weird, yet contented way.
“Bring to mind the intention that you are practicing feeling safe when you actually are safe,” she softly said, soothing. “One of the best ways to evoke this feeling of safety is to imagine being in a place that you might really enjoy being–wherever you may feel naturally safe, peaceful, and/or calm.” She paused briefly, the paddles changed speed as your head started to become light. “It can be a real place or a place that you’ve come to imagine in your mind on instinct. This is the place you travel at the idea of feeling serene.”
You breathed an ‘okay’ in response, but focused more on the way the instruments in your hands were aiding in sending you somewhere. You felt the atmosphere of your mind slowly changing–equally present and not.
The word Gia had earlier used. . .’transcend.’ It was the perfect word because you currently were completely, wholly transcendent.
“I’m right here,” Gia quietly, gently reminded you, as the blackness behind your eyes took hold, becoming the only thing your five senses could grasp, aside from the sound of Gia’s gentle guidance. “You are doing great.”
You felt the instantaneous feeling of a light breeze brush your face. It pushed you back, but you also felt the feeling of your body keeping still. There were two places. Reality: Gia’s office. And somewhere completely unknown. . . You were somewhere new.
This wasn’t a place you’d ever been before. The barely-there sounds of birds chirping in trees within a forest that guarded you, on all sides, reverberated off the walls of your mind. The sounds, the breeze– they helped you find your footing. And suddenly, your feet were bare against the partially warm, partially cool feeling of damp dirt. Rain had recently come to this place. You could smell the rain. But every crevice of your mind knew it wasn’t raining anymore. No, you knew that the moment you opened your eyes, you’d find a light, clear blue sky, maybe a couple wisps of clouds painting against the beautifully blank canvas of azure. But you weren’t opening your eyes yet. You focused on everything else taking shape around you.
The paddles continued to transfer varying speeds between your palms, but it was the last thing on your mind. They were the guide that you knew to follow, but didn’t have to concentrate on.
Your nose tuned in to the smell of flowers around you. . . All kinds, but there was a particular plant infiltrating your mind the most. . . Though, you knew you wouldn’t be able to place it until you opened your eyes. It was strange because you knew the smell, but your lack of sight was keeping the name of the flower hidden.
Other things were hidden with your eyes still closed, but you kind of enjoyed the blank space.
This season. . . the most wonderful tiny person was bound to grace the world in this season. Spring. It was springtime. You knew that much. Once your mind realized the season you were placed in, your eyes opened a little more to the scene around you.
Lavender. An entire field of the wonderfully fragrant plant, surrounding you with its calming notes. And it was beautiful. Never in your whole life had you been in such a beautiful space, yet your mind had no problem creating it for you.
“Tell me what you see, but keep your eyes closed for me,” you heard Gia’s voice, although it sounded a hundred miles away. It was hushed, distant, like you were hearing her through a tunnel–only an echo in your mind. It was strange. Your physical form was still seated on the comfy couch, but you were standing amongst the most lovely sea of lavender.
“I’m. . .I’m not really sure where I am,” you whispered, feeling like raising your voice would disturb the serenity of this place you’d stumbled upon. “I’ve never been here before. It’s–it’s incredible.”
Much like Gia’s, your own voice felt muted in your head. But, unlike her, you were standing in the middle of a narrow tunnel, whereas she was at the end. You were traveling somewhere. Obviously.
“That’s okay,” she tells you. You suddenly felt the paddles quicken ever so gently in their pace, but they felt good. Comforting. Real. “Just tell me everything you’re seeing right now.”
“Lavender. . .A field of lavender. A forest surrounding me. Blue sky. . .,” You couldn’t feel much of saying the word lavender. “So much of it. I could just lay in it, let it surround me.”
“So you’re outside– good. What else do you see? Is there any wildlife?” The echo of her voice became even more distant as you began walking around, searching for whatever else was there with you.
Deer. A whole family across the field, taking nourishment from the flowers and emerald green grass. They weren’t like normal deer, though. They didn’t run from you as you approached them. They weren’t scared, they just existed peacefully within this place. Then, you heard the birds begin chirping again, as if on queue.
“Birds are singing. . . There are deer,” you felt yourself telling her, still in amazement with your next words. “They’re really beautiful. And they’re not afraid of me. . .? I can almost touch them.”
This was entirely unreal, yet all too real all at once. Never in your wildest dreams did you ever believe your mind was capable of this. Yet, there you were, witnessing the most alluring scene that you were sure didn’t physically exist anywhere on earth. Only in your mind. Safely in your mind. No one could destroy it, no one could infiltrate it. It was all yours.
“That sounds wonderful, y/n. Let's focus on a few other senses. Tell me what you smell,” Gia’s sweet voice sounded as if it was coming from the sky, from the wind. It was all around you, yet so far away.
You felt your present body take a deep breath through your nose, trying to get the best whiff you could of everything surrounding your psyche.
“I smell the lavender. It’s overwhelming, but in the best way. God it. . .It smells so good. So. . . Fresh. It’s newly bloomed. And I can smell rain. It’s not raining now but it was.”
“Good,” Gia softy said. “What can you touch? Tell me what it feels like.”
You reached down to run your fingers over a spray of the dark violet flowers, their scent became even more powerful as you lightly ruffled them.
“I’m touching the lavender,” you told her. “The buds are so soft, so light to touch. They feel delicate, but I know they won’t break. They’re sturdy. But they aren’t stiff.”
Aside from the way they felt against your hands, they also emitted a feeling of pure peace. Of tranquility. A good, clean energy unlike anything you’d ever felt.
“I can almost feel them too, y/n.” You heard her giggle quietly across the field. “What are you doing? Are you standing, sitting?”
You then felt the urge to lie down. So, you did. Your body felt weightless in your mind as you let yourself fall backward, landing softly amidst the blooms. It felt like the most comfortable bed you’d ever laid in. But before you answered her, you felt your hands within your mind reach down to your tummy. You had to know if your sweet baby was there with you.
And as you laid your palm gently over your tiny bump, you felt it. Your baby was with you, safely tucked away in the most calm place you’d ever known. It only made sense that your physical form of comfort found its way to your mental one, too. Feeling your bump here made you feel. . .complete. Although, there was still something missing. You didn’t know what, but you felt it. But at that moment, your baby was all you needed.
Or so you thought.
Because when you let yourself sit up from where you’d laid in the magnificent, flourishing field of flowers, you finally felt complete because the last person you needed had arrived.
He was standing across from you, on the opposite side of the field. His long, wavy chestnut locks, flowing just the slightest bit in the breeze of the dreamy spring day. He wore a blue suit. A dark blue, three-piece suit with a dark blue shirt underneath it all to match.
He was so handsome. Beyond stunning. The most immaculately created person. . .
He didn’t stay there for long before he was making his way toward you, striding as he naturally did. His walk, so smooth and sexy–always.
As he came closer, you were learning that, in this realm, time moved just a tad bit different than normal. He seemed to make it over to you in less than a minute, even from the other end of the expansive field of light purple.
Then, he was right beside you, lying down next to where you still sat next to him. He’d placed his left arm behind his head, to balance and lift himself a little. And, his left arm, spread out, ready for you to lay beside him. Lay with him.
He didn’t say anything, but you knew that was what he wanted. You’d laid this way with him a million times before.
So, you moved to lay with him in a way that felt like coming home. You laid back, so comfortably relaxing your tired muscles as you placed a hand on his chest, and one side of your face against it. Curling your body into his, you laid one leg over his, your body facing toward him. Your bump was pressed snugly and safely against the side of his abdomen. Safe.
Everything was safe here. Truly was the safest place your mind could conjure. You felt his steady breaths against the top of your head as you looked out past him, to the side of the field. Where the birds still chirped in the trees and the deer still meandered.
“I’ve got you,” he whispered, his voice equal with the breeze–quiet, calm. His breaths hit your head with each word, he was so near. . . but his words also echoed amongst the trees, all around you.
Then, it was Gia’s voice you heard whisper through the trees.
“You’ve found it, haven’t you? Your safe place,” she questioned knowingly, her tone lilted with excitement for you.
Had you?
Before you could consider it any longer, his hand came up to rest against your head, brushing so delicately through your loose strands of hair. Your body hummed, feeling one with the wind as he held you. Protected you. Stayed with you. Your body was telling you your answer in your curated fantasy, communicating it to your concrete form as you uttered it aloud.
“Yes,” you sighed, your body on the couch and still in Jake’s arms. You were vividly existing in your imagination and in reality all at once. This feeling would take some getting used to. While you were in shock, you were also not shocked at all. “Y-yes, I’ve found it.”
Jake . . . was he–?
The lavender was glorious and the field you laid in, the soft ground, was better than any bed you’d ever graced. . . The deer were exquisite and lovely. The song of the birds, sounding like mystical, heavenly hymns. . . The sound of the trees brushing together in the warm breeze of the cool spring day, making their own music, and better than any white noise you’d ever experienced.
But Jake. . . None of those things even came close to the way you felt in his arms. The way you felt light as air and at ease the moment he’d graced your presence. You’d felt your peace and the baby’s when he’d graced the scene. Still did, as you melted into him, his breaths, his heartbeat, helping you feel free and firmly planted, one with all living things–all at once. There was no question that it was him.
Jake was your safe place.
-🌼🌼🌼-
“Now, I want you to make sure you’re finding quiet time to locate your safe place,” Gia advised, getting up from her rolling chair as soon as you’d risen from the couch. “It’s essential to practice before the sessions. You want it to be an easy place to locate during the really hard resurgence of memories,” she coached you, pushing her chair to her desk.
“Got it,” you agreed, head still swimming a little as you steadily came back to reality. The prospect of traveling to that place in your spare time was a little intimidating. . . But also very exciting.
Seeing Jake so vividly in such a serene atmosphere on a regular basis sounded like paradise. You could definitely find time to practice that.
“If you’re not opposed, I would maybe find someone to drive you to your sessions,” Gia suggested, going to clean the paddles with a spray and microfiber towel. You tuned back in, alertness settling in. “These sessions,” she made eye contact with you after bending over to grab her tube of Clorox wipes. “They are bound to be–no, they will be incredibly intense,” she used a towel she’d retrieved from the container to wipe it down. “Just someone you can trust to be there for you afterwards. . . so you’re not alone when you’re coming down from these memories that will present themselves again.”
Still smelling hints of lavender and feeling the warmth of a chest beneath you in some other heavenly reality, you knew who you’d pick. Was it a crazy idea? What did Gia think? Would she tell you her opinion or would you be forced to figure this out on your own? You didn’t want to seem crazy . . . . or weird.
You had just found your voice to respond when she started speaking again.
“Who do you think would be the best–?”
“I actually have an idea of who–.”
The way your chest bubbled with laughter alongside her was wonderful. It felt like the most genuine giggle you’d ever exuded. You truly felt like you were in a sphere of incomparable serenity. The way your body felt. . . you felt complete. You felt self-assured. Still smiling, you raised a brow and motioned one hand to emphasize that she should continue with her train of thought. Your other hand safely held your belly, right where your baby was resting in its safe cocoon.
“You might not like it,” she grinned.
Instantly, you knew who she was talking about.
Gia sighed, settling the paddles securely back in their zipped black bag. Her eyes found yours, testing the waters. Then she offered her opinion in a firm tone, “Jake would be ideal. He would be my option,” she winked, encouraging.
Your chest exhaled in relief. You weren’t crazy.
-🌼🌼🌼-
Gia had sensed your unsureness as she walked you to the front desk. She was taller than you with a sort of swagger in her trendy set of corduroy overalls.
Nerves were wracking you, sweat already pricking in your armpits. You’d voiced your concerns to her in her office to which she’d told you to follow her.So, you had.
And when you made it to the front ‘desk’ (a tall counter with a window in front of it), you linked your hands under your belly with a sigh. Gia stopped at the counter and leaned on the heavy, light gray granite–opposite of where you stood on your way to the door. She leveled you with a stare, her fingers tapping against the expensive granite.
“I’m just going to tell you this,” she sighed, a tiny little grin on her full lips. “Be confident. Have confidence. You can do it. Just try it out. Seriously. All you have to do is give it a try. I see it in you, y/n,” she firmly stated. Then, she got even more serious with a furrow in her dark brown brow. “Let. Him. Care, y/n. Don’t you dare work to control him just because you feel like you don’t deserve it.”
-🌼🌼🌼-
So, when you got home, you somehow found it in you to take Gia’s advice . . . and you immediately went to talk to Jake. The more you contemplated it on the drive home, you realized you weren’t really too nervous to ask him anymore. . .
The nerves had dissipated little by little as you’d rehashed your time in your safe place. How seamless things had been there. . . it felt like before. Like normal. . . and even though it wasn’t your normal anymore, you were clinging to it. It was giving you courage. And the fact that Jake was literally your safe place was giving you courage.
Yeah, he made you nervous because he was Jake, but he also eased you so effortlessly because he was Jake. He was safe.
He wasn’t perfect, no. But, he was someone who was permanently, preciously ingrained in your heart. Today had officially proved that. And you were carrying the sweetest little piece of him. . . that helped the nerves for sure. There was a piece of him that was always with you. And now that he knew about said precious baby, things genuinely seemed to be normal between the two of you again. . . as normal as could be at the current time.
It had you knocking on his bedroom door.
It dawned on you as you delivered the knock that you hadn’t even thought of checking his parking space to see if he was home. You’d been too anxious to see him and ask him what you had been encouraged to ask. . . .Before you lost the magic courage. Because, yes, let’s be real, he still made you nervous as hell. He was Jake.
It was all confusing and weird. As you stood there, waiting for longer than you’d planned, you realized he might not even be home. You could be standing here waiting for nothing. Or worse, Maya was in there with him or some shit and you were going to open the door to–.
Jake.
The door had opened to show a very sleepy, very effortlessly handsome Jake. His hair was all tousled like he’d been in a deep slumber. And when you looked past him, his bed was a mess from a nap. . .but no curvy, beautiful woman occupied it.
The only thing you saw laying in the bed was a book, right next to the fluffed pillow where his head had been resting. It was open, laying face down with several sticky notes peeking out of the pages. And all that you could make out was a picture of a pregnant woman on the cover and the word ‘Expecting’ on the cover before your attention was brought back to him talking.
“Y/n?. . . You okay?” He was talking, voice patient and calm, but sounding as though he’d said the words a time or two before you’d come back to.
You were quick to cover your ass to hide that you had been spying in his room.
“Sorry,” you shook your head, looking down and clasping your hands under your tummy subconsciously. His eyes followed your hands, a little smile forming on his lips. You continued, “I just wanted to ask you something.”
His eyes opened, as if waiting for what you wanted to ask. He crossed his arms and leaned against the doorframe. “What’s that?”
You cleared your throat, suddenly a little nervous, but suddenly worked to picture him in the field of lavender. And then you were okay again. He was Jake. He was safe. “I–,” you glanced down, then back up to his kind, tired eyes. Just say it, y/n. “Would you mind going to a few of my therapy appointments with me?”
“Yes,” he replied, without any hesitation whatsoever. “Of course. Special ones or. . .?”
“All of them,” you blurted, needing to clear it up. Honesty. Just be honest. Don’t fear his reaction. He’s Jake.
Eyebrows wrinkled, his lip quirked. “All of them. . .? Like, all of the special ones or–?”
“All of the appointments. Any of the appointments I have that you can make it to. I just need someone safe to go with me,” you rushed out.
He blinked a few times, a gentle shake of his head before his eyes got sincere and a smile spread over his pretty lips. “And you chose me?”
“Yes,” you simply answered, not trusting yourself to say anything more. There was a definite part of you still reeling from today’s session and seeing him when you imagined somewhere safe.
Standing there for a few seconds, you could tell he had a million questions floating through his mind. And, knowing him, you knew he was probably wondering why you hadn’t chosen Josh. And, to be totally truthful, you hadn’t once thought of Josh at the prospect of someone safe being there with you to see you through after the sessions.
Jake seemed to be the only valid option. The only person you wanted to go with you. Even if Elsie were still living here, totally accessible and available, you knew Jake still would’ve been your first choice. The therapy had been his idea. He had asked you how it was going. He was someone you trusted to talk to, and he was someone invested in this with you. And he was him.
“I’d love that,” he responded softly. “When are the appointments?”
He’d love it? Your heart was thumping in your chest at the words. Absently, you thought of your poor heart monitor, and how it was going to be picking up some crazy data due to this man.
“Every Monday,” you quietly responded. Then, you thought, before getting your hopes up, you’d better tell him what he was really in for. . . because he might end up eating his words once he found out his job in it all. “You’ll just have to wait for me. You could run an errand or two or whatever while I’m in my hour-long sessions. . . and sometimes they might go over.” He nodded, seeming fine with that. You were shocked. Didn’t know why you were shocked because he was naturally so thoughtful. You knew this. “And then, you’ll have to be there afterwards. And I might be emotional. This form of therapy is intense,” you explained. Then, you thought . . . “Well, you probably already know that because you. . .”
“Found it,” he finished, eyes twinkling. “I’d still love to go. You’re not going to scare me away from it. I know you’re afraid of that.”
Why the fuck did he even care to read you like a damned book? Surely your thought processes didn’t matter that much to him. But, you remembered his voice, reassuring you after Applebee’s. Cleaning up some toxic thoughts you’d let form.
“. . .I didn’t stop caring about you . . .”
“. . .Just because I’m not talking to you or falling asleep next to you . . . It doesn’t mean I don’t still want what’s best for you. Hence why I’m the one who initiated the therapy conversation. I kept my end of the deal and researched for you because I care.”
Then, it was Gia’s voice. What she’d told you that day. . .just before you’d left.
“Let him care, y/n. Don’t work to control him just because you feel like you don’t deserve it.”
Let him care.
You decided to just continue on with the only reasonable response, eyes, filling with tears, trained on your fidgeting feet. “Thank you,” the words came out as a whisper. But you shook your head. Confidence. Looking up, you tried again, smiling with your eyes. “Thank you.”
His eyes held yours for a moment. He just let his eyes sink into yours. . .like he’d done so many times before. Just as he had in times past, he was letting himself read you. You could tell.
Not able to help it, your cheeks filled with heat at his stare. Your heart picked up speed. You had to speak again. Break the quietness. The calmness in his observant, knowing irises was too much.
“Will Maya be okay with it?”
Why you chose to break the ice with her, you didn’t know. Probably to get his mind off of you and back on her. Where you knew he wanted it to be. He might have still cared for you, but she was the woman he loved. To him, you were sure that she mattered in this just as much as you did.
He shut his eyes once briefly, and with a shake of his head, he was back. His eyebrows dipped, pursed his lips with a curt nod. “Oh, yeah. I’m sure,” he assured. He tightened his fingers against his biceps. You couldn’t help but watch his strong hand flex. “I’ll–um, I’ll just tell her when the appointments are so she knows I’m not available on those days.”
Shit. You didn’t want to take him away from her. You hadn’t even thought of that. That would definitely be selfish. And not available on those days? Like, not available at all? Was he planning on spending entire Mondays with you?
Hurriedly, you offered a response to make sure to clear the air. “Oh my god. I didn’t even think of you having to–,” you groaned. “I’m sorry. Please, don’t go with me if it’s going to interrupt your plans with her.”
His brows wrinkled. “I never said that.”
“It was implied,” you defended your thought process.
“No, it wasn’t.”
You were suddenly irritated that he wasn’t understanding why you felt bad. “I just don’t want to be selfish, Jake. That’s all I’m saying. God.”
He rolled his eyes, hands getting stuffed in the pockets of the sweatpants he was wearing. You just realized how low they hung on his hips. You could see the very bottom of his stomach with the way he’d cut his t-shirt, just above the hip bones. You flicked your eyes back to his face when he spoke again. And, again, your face was hot.
“I was literally saying I want to be there for you and I need to tell her that’s what I’m doing on those days,” he explained, tone sharp and patient all at once. He was putting his foot down.
You conceded. But. . . it made you think of something. Maybe it was the tan stomach of his skin and how badly you wanted to run your fingers across it. Or perhaps it was the fact that the woman in question might not be privy to one important detail.
So, you asked. “Does she know I’m pregnant with your baby yet?”
His baby.
You ignored the thought, instead training your mind on the serious matter at hand: would she be okay with it if she knew you were pregnant with his baby?
“No,” he curtly replied. Then, his tone was entirely calm when he stated, “She won’t know until you give me the okay to tell her. I told you that already.”
Flushing, you found his eyes. You tried your best to match the sincerity in his irises with your own. “Thank you for being considerate of that.”
“Of course,” his lips twitched to a small grin, then fell back to a purse. He chewed the inside of his cheek.
Fuck. You needed to wrap this up. You were wasting his time. But–you had to know. . .
You cleared your throat, replacing your hands from below your tummy to cross under your boobs. The way his eyes flickered down with the action couldn’t be ignored and it gave you the push to ask. “. . .what does she know about us?”
“She knows you’re my friend and that we’re close because we live together,” he offered.
For some reason, the fact that he’d called you his friend made your heart leap into the bottom of your throat. It made you sort of sad, yet happy at the same time. Sad that you couldn’t be more, but glad that he was willing to call you such a wonderful thing. Did he seriously trust you to be his friend?
“We’re friends?” You shyly pondered.
Aaand hormones were officially in control of your dialogue. It was time to wrap it up. Quick. You eyed the ground, embarrassed at your lack of control over questions.
But, his response was measured, so sweetly assuring you with his next words. His voice was soft and raspy, “I never wanted to not be your friend.” Then, suddenly, he was touching you. His hand was placed on your cheek, lifting your face gently to look into his eyes. There was no saving the response on the heart monitor data. And the swarm of buzzing butterflies in your tummy. You lost yourself in his gaze. “No matter what happens, you are my friend. I always want to be your friend, honey.”
Honey.
Your pulse increased tenfold and you couldn’t help the flutter of your lashes, your eyes watery yet again.
His hand was still on your cheek, and a warm blush had settled in them when you mumbled, ashamed. “I hate you ditching your girlfriend for me. I don’t want to be selfish.”
A finger smoothed gently on your cheek, just beneath your lashes. “You’re not being selfish. And I’m not ditching her,” he removed his hand, and your heart sputtered a few times, trying to balance all of the emotions transpiring within you. He reached behind him, grabbing the handle of the door and shutting it behind him. When he moved forward with the motion, you stepped back. Didn’t want to risk getting too close. His eyes found yours as he consoled you. “Please quit thinking of it like that. I promised to be there–to help you–you a long time ago, and I intend to keep that promise. Let me.”
You were back in the hallway at your grandparents’ home. He was coming to sit next to you, against their beige, textured walls. The house, smelling like the pie that was baking. Familiar and safe. But the home had been the last thing making you feel safe in that moment. It was the man sitting next to you, telling you to let him help you.
“I want to help you. Let me.”
The same night he’d made the promise to find a therapist for you. Then, you were in his bed that night. . .Your cheek, on his damp chest.
Tears were falling on his chest, your chest was tight as they kept coming, his skin prickling in their wake. “I–I’m sor–sorry.”
“Why, baby?” His voice settled your nerves. Warm. Soft. Him.
“I hate that you have to see me cry,” you sniffled, wiping at the tears on his chest. But instead of letting you continue, he’d held your hand there, so you could feel the stable beat of his heart.
“If crying is what it takes to heal, I’m here to listen to you as you wade through it.”
And, then, again. . . those same words filtered through your memory through a warm haze.
Laying on top of him, in his bed, as you’d stared deeply into the darkness of his eyes, he’d earnestly spoken to you. “I want to help you. Let me.”
“Okay,” you sighed in the present time, your eyes not containing the pools accumulating in them, a singular tear falling down your cheek.
Thankfully, it happened when he had decided to go back into his room to get something. And as soon as you’d brushed it away, he was back in front of you and had his phone in his hand. It was open, his fingers above the keyboard to show he was about to start typing.
“What do you want me to tell her you need me for?” He looked up at you, hands steady around the phone as his eyes waited for you. His eyes, open and willing to help. Willing to understand. “I don’t have to tell her that it’s for therapy.”
“You can tell her it’s for therapy,” you responded. His brow raised, as if to ask ‘you sure?’, to which you responded, “I’m sure,” you grinned. Then, you continued on with what would be a valid excuse to give her for why you wanted him to go. “Just tell her you have to drive me to the appointments I have on those days because it’s a long drive that I don’t want to take by myself.”
His lips lifted easily, eyes tired, still, but wholly there with you to help. “Okay.”
As he typed, you stood there–so grateful for him. God, he was amazing. You could not believe there was ever a time you’d thought any different. Jake Kiszka. . . he was the man of fucking dreams. You knew he was. And you’d. . . let him go.
But, as you still believed, it was for good reason that you’d cut things off.
It kept lines drawn and clear and simple. Kept him focused on the dream. It just helped. Right?
Once he’d shoved the phone in his pocket and you’d heard the sending noise and the click of the phone going off, you decided to go ahead and let him be. You began walking to your room, and he started walking in the direction of the front of the apartment. Just as you’d opened your door, suddenly very sleepy and sore from your body growing a human, you spoke again. “Thank you, Jake.”
He turned as soon as you’d spoken, his gaze calm and falling on yours gently. His eyes felt like the breeze on a warm, spring day. The same sort of day you’d imagined in your safe place.
“Don’t thank me,” he started. His phone chimed in his pocket, but he didn’t even reach for it. Instead, he crossed to you once more, your chest heating at him coming close again. And, once more, his hand reached up to delicately hold your face. The callouses that grazed your cheek brought so much comfort. They were familiar and felt like peace. “This is something I want to do. You don’t have to thank me.”
Your mouth opened to dispute and as soon as you did, he saw it.
At this, his lips lifted and he held your cheek fully in his palm, eyes boring into yours as he spoke. “Don’t argue with me. I mean every word. And you know it.”
-🌼🌼🌼-
Life was finally feeling peaceful again with Jake back in it, and in the know about the baby. Having him as a friend in your life was filling your cup – just the mere knowledge of him being there made you rest easier. Every morning was the same. A comfortable, reassuring sort of same.
You’d wake up, and lay in your bed for a few minutes, rubbing your belly. Checking the Ovia app to read something new about the baby to start the day, you’d also check the size of the baby on that given week for the 100th time on that given week. After clicking your phone off, you would lay there and ponder your day and everything that you had to do.
And once your feet touched the ground, you were walking to grab underwear, a maternity bra (because, yes, you’d purchased one with the speed your boobs had grown). Then came the outfit you’d set out the night before. (Even though sometimes, there would be a last minute change in wardrobe due to day-to-day changes in your body – the insecurities were slowly becoming very real, the more your body changed. And even the teeniest, tiniest changes were strikingly obvious to you.)
The bathroom was your next stop. You’d take off the heart monitor before your shower, brush your teeth, and in the shower, you would glance down at your belly, water washing over it, to reflect on the person inside of it and how he or she was growing. And these days, you spent a lot of time wondering if the baby was a he or she. . . Just as you’d lean towards one guess, you’d lean towards the other. On certain days, you would wash your hair and if it hadn’t been very long, you’d skip that step.
Once finished with the shower, you’d observe yourself to see if any stretch marks had grown, and at this point, a few had shown up, so a special cream was one the way that would be added to your morning and nightly routine to help prevent those from sticking around. Now, all you did was brush your hair and usually put it in a claw clip to avoid sweating profusely by keeping it against your neck. Then, you’d replace the adhesive of your heart monitor and adjust it to track your heart rate.
You were so ready to be done with the stupid fucking device. It was a pain for many reasons. . . and you just hated the way it looked on your chest. It was a huge blemish on your changing body. A body that you were already feeling insecure enough about, even without the monitor.
When you’d trail back to your bedroom after your shower, you finished out the routine by taking your prenatals, checking your hemoglobin (which was doing consistently well, relieving you every time you saw the numbers stay positive), and you would pop a PregEase into your mouth to chew. The chewable had helped drastically with your nausea, and you weren’t planning on stopping it any time soon.
Finally, you’d go to the kitchen counter after making a smoothie in your BlendJet, and sit there to sip it as you read through The Panic-Free Pregnancy, taking notes in a notebook you’d purchased solely for baby notes.
And, now, since Jake had found out, he’d greet you in the kitchen or on your way to the bathroom to shower and he’d check on the baby. Check on how you were feeling. It always made you blush with the fact that he cared to check in. It was just really fucking sweet of him. Showed his heart. Of course, it wasn’t for you, it was for the baby. But still. . . it made your heart skip a beat.
The day before Thanksgiving was no different. Except, this morning, Jake stopped you just as you’d grabbed your backpack and opened the door to leave for school.
“Hey,” he called out to you. Your phone buzzed in your black LuluLemon, slung across your chest. When you turned, he flashed his phone screen towards you briefly. “Josh just texted in the group chat and asked if it was okay for us to have Friendsgiving here like you usually do. Day after Thanksgiving. Want me to tell him it’s fine?”
“Of course,” you grinned, getting your phone out to see the text for yourself. But, as you did, you also saw you were cutting it close to make it to class on time. Grabbing your keys out of your bag, you quickly responded, opening the door wider, one foot out. “Just tell him yes.”
He began typing as you went to walk out, the Jetta gave its signature beep across the parking lot as you unlocked it. But just as you stepped out, you stopped. Fuck. You’d have to clean the place.
Normally, it would be no big deal, but you were still working long hours and keeping up with several classes while also being pregnant. . .
So, you stepped back into the apartment, hand still holding the door open. You glanced up at him, accepting your fate. “I'll probably be cleaning the apartment tonight. I don’t want to have to fight any real baby tiredness on top of any food baby tiredness tomorrow night. I already get sleepy at the end of Thanksgiving Day, and I’m sure it’ll just be worse this year with,” you pointed to your belly.
His eyes twinkled, but he didn’t say anything. . .probably because you were rambling and he was annoyed by it.
You twisted the knob, needing to leave, but wanting to let him know, “You can find something to do tonight so you don’t have to be around me and my obsessive compulsive cleaning habits.”
He raised a brow, placing his phone on the counter. “Would it be okay if I helped you clean?”
“Um,” you faltered, nervous of him seeing that cringeworthy side of you. “I get really intense when I clean for special events.”
“I’m sure,” he grinned, winking. Your tummy swarmed with butterflies at the gesture. He continued, “But I still want to help you. Will you let me?”
Let him.
“I get kind of scary.”
“I don’t care.”
You measured him with your eyes, contemplating. It wasn’t that you wouldn’t love his help. . . It would be fantastic to have someone help you. You just didn’t want to scare him away.
You’re having his baby, y/n. Did you scare him away when he found out about that? Or did he want to help you then, too? And what about when he–?
“Sure,” you said, promptly cutting off the voice in your head. “You can help. I’m just warning you. My control issues are bound to go haywire when I deep clean.”
“For good reason,” he defended. “In that circumstance.”
Your lips raising into a soft smile couldn’t be stopped. “Thanks, Jake.”
The soft smile didn’t leave your face as you made the trek to your car.
Then it all came crashing down when you passed Maya in all of her graceful, voluptuous beauty, right before you got to your car. Your outfit of a giant sweater and loose AE jeans suddenly paled in comparison to her sexy black pencil skirt and tight white button-up shirt. Her perfume, sweet and expensive, wafting off of her in waves as she passed by you with a smile and a quick wave. Then there was you: wearing your Bath and Body Works body spray that you got on sale for $5.95.
Her heels clicked past you as your old white Nikes caught a rock and almost made you trip, eliciting a weird noise from your mouth. Hand on the belly, you caught yourself – not so gracefully. When you looked behind you to see if she’d witnessed it, she was already knocking on the door of the apartment. . .and being greeted with a kiss from Jake. The smile was absolutely wiped off your face at the sight of that.
Of course, your mind traveled to a not-so-fun place as you buckled into your car and went to turn on your soul music playlist. You just sat there, contemplating once more how much it sucked that you couldn’t be with him. It was even more sad with your predicament – it made your heart jump into your throat that you couldn’t complete the natural circle of two parents with a baby.
The song that started off the playlist was perfect for bringing you out of your slump, though. The Commodores singing about being ”High On Sunshine” reminded you of how serene and peaceful you’d felt when you’d woken up. Life was going well. . .Truly, completely well. You didn’t need a relationship with Jake to complete a circle of sorts. . . Really. Especially at this point in your life.
You could be friends – it really wouldn’t be so bad. Just friends. You’d take what you could get. Things would be fine.
-🌼🌼🌼-
“I don’t mind you telling her now,” you mentioned that night, packing up a nice dinner he’d made after you’d cleaned the entire apartment.
He’d made chicken fajitas.
Considering the meal was a crowd favorite (the crowd being you and the baby), it had been wonderful when you’d found out tonight how damn good he was at making them. Although, saying that you were packing it up into leftover containers with him. . .was a lie.
You were leaning against the ledge of the counter top, watching him put it in Tupperware. He’d told you to sit and rest your feet and that he would worry about putting it away. Only agreeing halfway, you sure rested but didn’t rest your feet like he’d asked. After quietly accepting the offer with a quiet okay, you nodded your head. Then, you went to stand against the counter.
“Please. Sit.” He’d encouraged, his voice slightly impatient, already weary with you. By the look in his eyes, you knew that he knew it was no use and that you weren’t going to agree. “You had to go to school and workwork today. You should rest your feet.”
Even though your feet did hurt like hell, you still weren’t about to let him boss you around.
“Nah, I think I’m good,” you replied, shrugging. You took turns balancing and bouncing between each foot, totally giving you away. “I sit around too much.”
“Y/n.”
“Jake.”
He’d given you a look. And you had stared right back until he gave up and rolled his eyes before going about his business.
In the present time, he was once again peering at you. But this time, his eye brow was raised in curiosity. “What?” He asked, unsure.
“You can tell Maya if you want,” you repeated, your eyes encouraging. “Tell her that you’re having a baby,” you laughed under your breath at that. A piece of hair fell from its place behind your ear. “Or, I guess, if we’re being technical. . . That I’m having your baby.”
He didn’t laugh along with the funny wording, just continued looking at you like you’d grown three heads.
“Why?”
You didn’t know. All you knew was that Maya wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon. So, in order to save Jake some extra stress, he’d better tell her sooner rather than later. That was it.
“Just want it to be out in the open,” you stated plainly, shrugging once more. “Josh is going to tell Sam and Daniel for me soon. . . Explain all of the nitty gritty details of us so I don’t have to again.”
His face sank momentarily. Though, it didn’t last long enough for you to be sure if it wasn’t something you’d imagined.
“On top of that, I’m telling my grandparents tomorrow, so you just go ahead and tell her,” you explained further, trying to convince him it was okay.
He blinked a few times, probably processing it all. And then he responded.
“Okay,” he finally said, lips making a lopsided grin, eyes still containing a sense of curiosity.
“Okay,” you echoed, suddenly feeling the reality of him telling her. . . the reality of Josh telling Sammy and Danny. . .
It was about to be out in the open. Everyone was about to know. Not counting the doctors or Gia, a tiny total of four people in your life knew. Only four. You, Elsie, Josh, and Jake. And now, that number was about to increase. And with your permission, no less.
-🌼🌼🌼-
November 24, 2022
You were on your way to your grandparents’ house, Elsie being your chauffeur when you filled her in on all of the therapy appointments (though, not the person secured in your safe place), your heart monitor in all of its ridiculous, agonizing glory.
Then, the boys’ careers came up in conversation. The music. The albums. The photoshoots. You even told her about the fan who called Jake hot. And as she was laughing about the fan interaction, and how uncomfy she was sure it made you, you thought to text Jake something that needed to be said. Something you’d believed in with your whole heart since the beginning. His career.
It was even more important to you now that you were going to have his baby. It had trailed through your mind enough times that you knew you needed to share it with him.
You, 12:02 p.m.: Please don’t put your career on hold for me or the baby.
It took a few moments, when Elsie was in the middle of telling you that she wasn’t sure how she felt about other girls calling Josh hot. You were absently agreeing on not being sure about it when you got the notification of his response.
Jake, 12:05 p.m.: I won’t. I’ll figure it out.
And while you were in the middle of having one hard conversation, you decided on another. Something that broke your heart to say, but you believed in it just like you did the other topic. It was going to be awkward to talk about in person, so you were going to be a coward and hide behind the phone to say it.
You, 12:06 p.m.: We also don’t need to be in a relationship.
After sending it, you instantly realized the perspiration that had gathered on your palms. Instead of talking to Elsie, you just stared at your phone. After finding out, he’d turned his read receipts on, so you were able to see the moment he’d seen the message.
While cleaning the night before, you’d asked him about it and his response was that he had done it so there weren’t any holes in your communication about baby-related things.
Jake, 12:08 p.m.: Never said we did. I don’t need that.
I don’t need that.
Translated, you knew it was a way of saying it would cause unnecessary stress. And you’d be remiss to ignore that the stress would most definitely result from you and your stupid emotional instability. And that thought just reminded you that the baby was the most important person to work on being emotionally stable for–not its father.
Nonetheless, his response hurt way more than it should have. It cut fucking deep. For no reason whatsoever, because you knew he had a point. You believed the same as he did. Your previous text said as much. You just had to think logically.
Jake, 12:09 p.m.: 1, I’m already in a relationship
Jake, 12:09 p.m.: and 2, it’ll be easier for us because we won’t have to worry about a relationship. It’s good that we’re just friends.
He was right. He made sense. You knew it. It was good to be just friends.
You, 12:10 p.m.: You are very right. I’m glad we’re on the same page.
Jake, 12:10 p.m.: and as far as touring and the band goes, we can figure out how to handle a baby in all of it. We’ll just work in a few more breaks or something
Jake, 12:11 p.m.: don’t worry about that. We’ll be fine.
Jake, 12:11 p.m.: and by “we” I mean you, me and the baby
Right as you’d pulled up to your grandparents’ home, you sent him a final text about it. If you were being totally honest, the conversation made you feel sick to your stomach and you just wanted to focus on the fact that it was Thanksgiving.
There was also the fact that you were more than just a little nervous about rocking your grandparents’ entire world.
You, 12:22 p.m.: Thank you for talking to me about this. We can talk about it more at some other point. Have a good Thanksgiving!
Instantly, he read it. But it took him a bit to respond. You knew he was busy with family and Maya. And again, your stomach was knotted at another thought. Her. Them. Dream couple.
Jake, 12:25 p.m.: for sure. We’ll find time :)
Jake, 12:25 p.m.: happy thanksgiving, y/n. I’m thankful for you. I really hope you know that.
With that last text, your heart sped up, your monitor phone beeping repeatedly in your belt bag to notify you of it. As if you couldn’t already feel the way your heart was about to literally beat out of your chest at his words. You grumpily unzipped your bag to get it out, locking your phone on your lap.
“Holy shit, dude,” Elsie exclaimed as she shut off the car. “Are you okay?! What’s happening?!”
You reassured her that it was just your monitor telling you your heart rate had gone up. But you made an excuse for why. Didn’t want her on your ass.
“I’m just really nervous to tell Grandma and Grandpa,” you lied.
You didn’t have to wait long for it to stop beeping. Thank God. It was annoying as hell, calling you out when you did not want to be called out. Finally, it turned off, though.
Elsie’s eyes became sympathetic, her delicate hand coming out to squeeze your sweater-clad arm. “It’ll be okay. I’ll be there the whole time. Deep breaths,” she calmly assured, taking a few with you. “And they’ll honestly just be really excited. Grandma, immediately. . . but Grandpa. . .”
“. . .Might take him a while,” you finished.
Your Grandma wasn’t necessarily your greatest worry, but she had been known to judge a time or two. . . Your Grandpa on the other hand. . . he was in a constant state of disappointment. All in all, you really had no fucking clue what to expect. Within seconds, the two of you were busting up at the thought. He was a pain in the ass. The definition of a crotchety old man. Laughing with Elsie was therapeutic. And this laughter in particular was incredibly necessary.
She waited for you to feel calm enough to go inside, and once you did, you got out to follow Elsie to the door. You never responded to the text. Didn’t even react to it with an exclamation, thumb, or heart. You didn’t want to mess anything up.
So, you just let it be your last positive push before going inside your grandparents’. Because, while it hadn’t been the reason to make your monitor go batshit crazy, it was still incredibly nerve wracking to tell the people that raised you. The idea of telling them that you were pregnant by a man you weren’t in a relationship with. . . yeah.
You closed your eyes momentarily to locate your Safe Place. You’d gotten quite good at finding it. All you had to do was close your eyes and call it. But as Elsie unlocked the door to let the two of you in, the present time was unkindly welcoming you back in with anxious arms.
Deep. Fucking. Breaths.
-🌼🌼🌼-
Thanksgiving was one of your favorite holidays. Christmas was your absolute favorite, but Thanksgiving was right up there, just behind it.
For one, it meant your whole family got to be together for a holiday, and you loved getting to spend time with your family. It felt more special than just about anything else. . . and Thanksgiving was so great because it was just a day where you sat around, eating food, being with each other, talking and laughing. It was a holiday meant to force you to ruminate on why you were thankful for each other– a holiday that was designed to bring out the best in a person.
The hope that your grandparents would only have love in their hearts when they heard your news was the only thing that had pulled you and your nerves through the doorway. The same doorway you’d entered through a million and one times before. Except this time, someone else was entering with you. Your hand touched subconsciously to your rounded belly. There was nothing you could do about your predicament now, so you could only hope for the best responses they could muster.
As you walked in, the smell of your Grandma’s ever-famous smoked turkey flooded your senses, momentarily calming you. It reminded you of the main reason Thanksgiving and Christmas were your favorite holidays. They’d been that way for years–as long as you could remember. Her turkey was an absolute favorite of yours dating all the way back to your childhood. Cooking was her love language, and you first learned that before you ever went to live with your grandparents. You could remember loving it and finding solace in the taste of her full, home cooked meal on the rare occasion that your mom decided to celebrate the holidays with her parents.
The taste and aroma of your Grandmother’s food represented peace for you–especially her holiday food. Holidays were special because they were the only time you were ever able to escape your mother and the now-hazy situations she’d put you in for the first ten years of your life. And then, when you’d gone to live with them, you’d finally found safety and security. . . The taste of her food had just continued its pattern of bringing you the feeling of comfort.
The times your mom would tote you and Elsie over state lines to see them were always very special. They were bittersweet memories for you. It was the only way you’d been able to see your grandparents then, as she never made them privy to your changing living locations. The three of you were always on the move. Never in one place for too long. But every home was dirtier than the last, a new man who would occupy it, as if anxiously anticipating your arrival.
You shook your head at those times–didn’t want to think about it for too long. Those thoughts led down dangerous, terrifying, dark paths that you didn’t want to experience on a day like today. Those times were the ones you’d explore in EMDR with a licensed professional at the ready to help guide you.
You’d decided years ago that you weren’t going to venture down those paths alone. Didn’t want to bother Elsie, so instead, you’d instead pushed the memories away to near nonexistence. And. . . today was not the day you planned to change that. You wanted Gia with you for that, thank you very much.
As you walked closer to the kitchen, you heard the sounds of your grandparents’ laughter, sounding so much like you were used to. . . You could only hope and pray to everything that it would continue on as normal—as normal as it could be—after they found out your big news.
The warm hugs and expressions of joy that greeted you as the two of you rounded the corner were both a reassurance and an added stressor to your shaky nerves. You really didn’t want to shake their world too much. . . Didn’t want this to change. This was your first true home. They were your first people.
The people who took you and your sister in when you had no one else, the ones who raised you, showed you love when it felt your entire world lacked it. You couldn’t quite rid the apprehension to tell them. You would not be able to until the news officially left your mouth.
-🌼🌼🌼-
“I’m pregnant.”
The sound of forks clinking against plates and the deafening sound of silence surrounded the entire dining room. You weren’t sure where the fuck it had come from–why you’d chosen to say it when you did. . . but there was no doubt it was out now. No questions were asked. Not yet. All eyes in the room, trained on you. Everyone sat still, totally unmoving and in total shock.
Thankfully, only a few moments of it had to pass before your sister broke the silence. She was trying to buy some peace for you. Just as much as you, she was not a fan of awkward silence or tension.
“I, for one, am so, so excited,” Elsie beamed, looking back and forth between your grandparents, whose mouths were still clamped shut. “It’s going to be wonderful–the sweetest addition to this family!”
After only a few seconds of Elsie’s attempt to ease the air, your Grandma started blinking and you soon realized that she was blinking back tears. Oh no. . . was she upset? Disappointed? The woman who raised you so well – loved you better than anyone ever had before, who took you in when no one else wanted you. . . She didn’t need to sit there feeling any negative emotions only because of your careless decision. Just like she’d done for you, you needed to comfort her in this moment of unclarity.
You went to rise from your seat, beginning an explanation you weren’t quite sure of yet once you were standing. “Grandma, I–.”
“Babygirl!” Your Grandmother exclaimed, bursting into tears. And before you could make it from where you stood beside your floral padded chair, she was walking to you – as fast as her frail legs could carry her. Even though you watched her every move, the feeling of her arms wrapping around you came before you expected it to. “We couldn’t be happier. I don’t even have to look at your Grandfather to know he’s as ecstatic as me. I know he loves you just like I do,” she sighed, squeezing you gently. Her shaky, familiar voice spoke softly in your ear, “A baby is the greatest gift – especially if it’s one of my babies’ babies.”
You blinked back all of the emotion that nestled comfortably into your bones. The distinct, wistfully familiar notes of Chanel No. 5 wrapped around you as tight as her arms. And, suddenly, the scent had you back in a mirage of memories where she was holding you just the same.
The first time a boy had broken your heart at thirteen years old. When you fell off your bike the month after you moved in with them, crying more over your mother than the bike wreck. Anytime you and Elsie got into some asinine bickering match that only your Grandmother could settle. . . So many times she’d held you just like this. Except this time, you felt it differently, gripped closer to her, not ready to let go. . . you’d needed this so badly. Hadn’t even realized just how badly you needed to feel her hold you after finding this out.
You sniffed, finally letting yourself part from her. She wasn’t going to be the first to let go, so you made the move. “Grandma,” you looked directly into her eyes, getting lost in the aging, watery icy blue irises. “Your approval – and Grandpa’s,” you glanced at him briefly, a small smile on his face as he watched you. Your heart leapt. “It meant more to me than anyone else’s.”
Elsie huffed and made a noise. Your Grandma giggled at Elsie’s indignance. You rolled your eyes, turning to your sister for a split second to give her a look, then faced the aging woman once more. “Almost anyone else’s. I was just scared to let you down, although I. . .,” you paused momentarily, blinking back tears as her perfume infiltrated your senses once more as she pushed some hair delicately behind your ear. “I should have known better than that.”
“My precious babygirl, there is nothing you could ever do that would make us think less of you,” she insisted, bringing her hand down to your arm, softly soothing circles into your flesh through your sweater. “Not only have we told you that your entire life, but I could only hope we have been able to show it to you. Just how much you mean and how we are always on your side – no matter what.”
-🌼🌼🌼-
The rest of the dinner and dessert went on about the same, with your Grandpa actually receiving the news very well–only grumbling slightly at the idea of the father not being around.
To which Elsie had quickly defended with a correction, pointed straight at your Grandfather, her eyes glued to him. “Don’t be so quick to make assumptions, Grandpa.”
You’d joined in, too, not wanting her to have to approach that on her own. It wasn’t her responsibility to have to make any reassurances for your mindless decision.
“He is in the picture, Grandpa,” you assured, swallowing your bite of pumpkin pie. Your eyes linked with his, begging him to understand. “I never said he wasn’t. I only said that I didn’t want to tell you who he is yet.”
After that, he’d simmered down on the father subject enough for dessert to finish up. And, as Elsie and your Grandma went to put away leftovers, you led the way to the living room to set up A Christmas Story. It was a Thanksgiving tradition to watch it after stuffing your faces to the point of exhaustion.
Just as you’d gotten the movie queued up, you heard his telling sigh behind you. His years-old maroon, fabric recliner, moaning with the sudden weight of a person. You gave him the slightest smile, still unsure of how to act around him as he’d been supportive, just quiet about it.
His reaction could definitely be expected, but you didn’t want it. You just wanted him to not act crotchety, just this once. Problem was, you were kind of stuck on what to say. So, instead of saying anything to initiate conversation, you sat on your phone, checking Instagram stories.
So many fucking coupley photos with the most generic captions. But, to your complete relief, nothing had yet been posted by Jake or Maya (yes, you followed her now–for no other reason but to torture yourself). Just as you were about to check your Ovia app for the second time that day, you heard your Grandpa clear his throat.
You just acted oblivious, though, not wanting to look up unless he actually wanted to talk. Didn’t want to push him or anything. . . poke the bear.
“Sugarplum,” he started, using the nickname he’d penned for you years ago.
Your heart lightened at the nickname. Anytime he used it, you knew he was about to say something sweet and slightly outside of his comfort zone. And by that, it meant he was going to say something particularly tender and sweet. Two things he was not used to being. . . Save for the heart he’d had when he started using the nickname. It had come at a sensitive time.
The nickname came from a precious tradition. After you’d come to live with them, he’d started the tradition. The man had been determined to make you and your sister feel better, and he’d always been better with actions than words. So, the year your sister and you had come to live with them, he’d started taking you to the Nutcracker. It was a whole thing.
Every Christmas season, your family of four would get all dolled up (you and Elsie, having had matching Christmas dresses and ringlet curls–hair-sprayed to the point of crunchy– the first couple of years). Then, you’d go eat at Carmine’s before attending a performance of the Nutcracker ballet – always at David H. Koch Theater.
You weren’t sure what he was about to say, but the nickname always meant it was going to be rather softhearted.
“Sweetie,” he sighed. You looked at him, seeing every wrinkle and age spot on his worn features. His face held every ounce of compassion you were sure he could muster. Your eyes already teary at the cold, snowy memories you’d just re-lived, and seeing him in such a vulnerable state had you gasp just slightly. “I love this baby. I love you. And I am so happy for you–overjoyed,” he said, singing it in the tone of the Stevie Wonder tune. You gasped on another breath, a tear springing from your eye to cheek. “Very, very much so, honey.”
“Really?” You couldn’t help but mutter.
“With all my heart I mean it,” he confirmed, eyes crinkling at the edges with a smile in them. “I only get short-tempered about the father because I don’t want to witness the child being abandoned or betrayed by men the way you and Elsie–,” he shook his head, draining a thought he was in the middle of. He grunted, eyes glassy when he looked at you again. “I don’t need this baby’s father being absent like yours was, is all. I get infinitely resentful on the subject of the people who did you and your sister wrong. . . and I just can’t have that for my great-grandchild either.”
There was no response you could possibly give save for the intermittent sniffles that accompanied the tears that wetted your cheeks. So, all you did was nod, a shaky smile on your lips. The man deeply loved you. You knew that. But, it made your heart hurt in a strange way when he’d say things that truly proved it. . . since he so rarely did. The baby must have meant a lot to him already, for him to feel so inclined to bare his heart like this.
“I love that child and I will protect it in my role as long as I can,” he said, his own voice wobbling on the words. “I promise you, Sugarplum. Just like I did for you and your sister.”
After a couple of moments, you found something to say, out of the mess of emotions hugging your heart.
“This baby’s father will be nothing like ours,” you said, without a doubt. You barely remembered the man who’d helped make the two of you. He hadn’t ever really been around–a sperm donor at best. “He’s an incredible man. The baby is very lucky to have him.”
The words pinched your chest, your stomach twisting tight on what you’d said. . . Jake was so wonderful. Even if he didn’t want you, he wanted the baby. You knew that. You knew it. You had seen it in his eyes the moment you’d said the baby was his. Jake Kiszka was special and you were glad your baby would be part of him–was already part of him. You were glad the baby had him.
You just weren’t ready to tell your grandparents it was him. . . you didn’t want either of them to unrightfully judge Jake if they were to know. Especially your Grandfather. . . they’d had such an honest, genuine connection. It had been magical to witness. Jake, having been the person to bring the old man out of his shell for the first time in your entire life.
You knew you had to tell them soon, but it just didn’t feel like the right time quite yet. . . There was so much going on already. The two of them finding out the identity of the baby’s father could wait just a little longer.
-🌼🌼🌼-
You got home around eleven o’clock that night, after taking Elsie to Josh’s. The night had been exactly what your soul needed. Time with your Grandma and Grandpa, as well as a car jam session with Elsie on the way to her boyfriend’s apartment.
The reason you’d finished so late was because your grandparents hadn’t really wanted the night to end. After sitting through every end credit of A Christmas Story, you’d rented the brand new A Christmas Story Christmas on the Roku TV you’d Christmas-gifted the two elderly people a year ago.
Although, you hadn’t ended up paying much attention to the movie since your grandparents had been determined to hear all about Elsie’s travels and your current. . . predicament. They had also questioned you about school.
Thankfully, you’d given a few barely-there answers and the conversation had basically concluded on that subject. There hadn’t even been an onslaught of career-based questions. All of the baby-related inquiries had been a good distraction from that.
They’d even stayed up past their bedtime of nine o’clock, aiming to hear every last detail of your life and Elsie’s. But, there’d come a point that your Grandpa had fallen asleep as he’d tuned out, signaling the end of the evening.
So, at 11:00, you were finally pulling in to the apartment complex, safe and sound into your designated parking spot. Jake’s car was where he usually parked it, you noticed. But, you already knew he was home. He’d texted about an hour back asking when you’d be home, to which you’d responded with an I don’t know, a little flutter in your tummy as you typed.
Even though he hadn’t responded, it didn’t crush you. Truly. You were becoming accustomed to your present relationship with him. . . well. . . .at least you were really trying to become accustomed.
On the way up to the apartment, you barely made the last step with how utterly exhausted you were. The act of carrying a child was not easy work and honestly, your grandparents hadn’t been the only ones staying up past their bedtime. You’d kept the heavy-lidded blinking at bay at your childhood home, but as you unlocked the door, you let out a long yawn which felt like it’d been waiting for hours to be released. Because it had been. You hadn’t wanted to be rude while engaging in conversation. Felt so relaxing and the action in and of itself had totally drained you. Your comfy, cozy bed was calling you.
When you entered the apartment, you were assaulted by the wondrous smells of something sweet and sugary–the scent was closely comparable to cake or cupcakes. You almost let your nose drag you to the source, but when you looked into the kitchen on your trek to your bedroom, you hastily decided against that idea. And you suddenly felt like you were going to profusely vomit.
Jake, with his back facing you as he leaned against the kitchen island, his fingers grasping at nothing, only gripping what he could of the counter his ass was pressing against. His beautiful locks of hair were all stringy and messy–the telling sign of hands having been run through it. His moans were enough to make you grow chills from both distaste and lust. The sound of him reaching his release was unlike any other. . .
But the infuriating fact that it was coming from the tanned, curvaceous woman on her knees in front of him. Who, unfortunately, you could see from the side of the island. And to make matters worse, she was barely fucking clothed. A tiny sheer dress of black lingerie, the only thing you could see from your vantage point. She had her free hand bunched into the material at the back of his gray t-shirt, holding onto him for dear fucking life as she went to town.
When the bile rose to your throat, you knew you had to get away before you threw up. You did not want to puke up any Thanksgiving food, thank you very much. Couldn’t ruin the sentimental dishes only because of Jake and his frustratingly beautiful girlfriend.
To your relief, once you made it to your room, quiet as a mouse, you found your Stanley as cold as you’d left it (praises-fucking-be for Stanley insulation). And you didn’t have to force sleep after you’d taken a quick makeup wipe to your face and put on an oversized Pratt t-shirt.
The moans and groans and whiny-fucking-sighs from the kitchen faded out in no time as sleep almost instantly found you.
Thank fucking God for the tiredness that came with making a human.
-🌼🌼🌼-
a/n: see you tomorrow w part 2... Friendsgiving will kick off pt 2... there is so much to come ;)
ty for being the best readers in the world and pleaseee never hesitate to send in your wonderful thoughts! love youuuu <3
& as usual, it wouldn’t let me tag some of y’all. :( so please check to see that you’re down there because if you’ve asked to be on the taglist, i tried to tag you. buuuut tumblr wouldn’t let me do it for everyone 🙃 ugh. and if i somehow forgot to tag someone, please also let me know that! (i'm a NOOB and i have terrible memory)
Taglist: @joshym, @gretavanfleetposts, @alyson814, @fretaganvleet, @lallisonl, @writingcold, @gvfpal, @twinszka, @jessicafg03, @reesetrippingthelight, @sacredjake, @laurenlovesgretavanfleet, @gretavangroove, @222headedcalf, @dreamssingold, @carbondancingthroughtime, @raviolilegs, @way-to-go-lad, @jakekiszkasmommy, @katgvf, @objectsinspvce, @jaketlover, @vanfleeter, @thetroublegetssoloud71, @seditabets, @jakekiszkapunchmeintheface, @jaketlove, @ohgodthefeeling-gvf, @starcatcher-jake, @anythingforjtk, @lucimoo, @indigostreakmorgan, @gretavanbear, @katelynn-gvf, @alwaysonthemend, @aintthatapity, @bowievanfleet, @fwzco, @takenbythemadness, @cherry-icecreamsmile, @laneygvf, @hi-hi-hello11, @sinarainbows, @jakesbarbarian, @mybussyinchrist, @becinabubblegvf, @heckingfrick, @danigvf, @pinkandsleepy1934, @derrangeddumpsterfire, @klarxtr, @josh-iamyour-mama, @abby-gvf, @cassyface, @gretavansabotage, @torniturntomyarrow, @joshsbonnet, @llrosee, @starshine-gvf, @itsafullmoon, @gvfmarge, @creadliz98
(and, due to t*mblr’s shitass guidelines, i will be adding the other tags in a reblog of the story!)
#jake kiszka x reader#jake kiszka fic#jake kiszka fanfic#jake fic#my fics#covet#every chapter from here on out includes very major events for reader and jake#take with that what you will
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hey.
okay. hello! i'm back. :)
maybe you noticed, maybe not, but i have been away for a while.
i wish i could say i've been out living my life, so caught up in happiness and joy and loving each day that i've just not had time for tumblr. but....that is not true. i have been having a tough time! being away has been good, as i've had time to do other things that i like and to put energy into my own well-being, but it hasn't been the best time, I'll tell you that.
i peeked on the dash every now and then to keep my queue full and reblogged soothing things to my main blog and tried my best not to feel guilty about it all (i was also booping on April 1 lol). i just...I really needed a break. i've really enjoyed being here the last six or so months as i've changed my blog and entered the pedro/tlou space but i've also felt so, so alone.
and i know that it doesn't really matter!! like, we should all take breaks and go outside and all that stuff. and I know plenty of people are not very active, but this blog has been such a vital part of my life and happiness since I started it almost two years ago, so any lapse in activity feels like a loss. I've met lifelong friends and flexed my writing muscles and learned a hell of a lot. the fact that I have started to feel isolated and alone on here is a sort of personal betrayal, and there is no one to blame but myself.
So, I’m pulling back.
it means a few things — i don’t know how much writing I’ll be doing from now on. For Joel, especially — it’s been wonderful to meet folks in that community but it has also been really detrimental to my passion for both the game and writing. I’d like to return to some other characters on my masterlist, but we’ll see. I’ve got endless personal projects away from tumblr that I want to pour love and time into (my non-reader fics, my newsletter, a romance novel, a sci-fi novel, poetry, etc). I need to fall in love with my own work again.
it's a me problem, I want to stress that. i'm working on it! irl stuff has been kicking my ass. I've had a really, really hard winter and my mental health has suffered probably more than ever before. i let things I love -- like this blog -- fester and become negative and no longer being me joy. writing became stressful and difficult and I was focused on notes and interaction and looking around me and seeing success and then looking at myself and only seeing lack.
but that's why I took a break! i am getting help and support irl, i am putting in the time and effort to feel better about being alive and to be a better friend and person all around. And I want to tell you all about it because I am so grateful for your time and attention and support, even if we’re just strangers on the internet. i know this probably seems silly -- who cares about a fanfic blog? well, i care! i care a lot! it matters to me and therefore it matters!
anyway. on to the important stuff. here I am! and here's what's going to happen on this blog:
I am working on replying to asks and reblogs and comments I missed. Thank you for being patient with me! I don't know if I'll get to them all but know I see them and I am honored every single time.
I made a totally separate ao3 account with this blog url. I'm working on uploading everything I've posted here onto there and hopefully will continue to crosspost. It is going to take a long, long time, so please be patient! (you can follow my other ao3 here for my non x-reader fanfic).
I posted this fic! Jackson!Joel pulled me back into his world. It’s the first thing I’ve written in ages, so let me know what you think. as of now it's the last planned fic for that series, but who knows!
I hit a milestone while i was away that I am absolutely blown away by. I'm planning a celebration around it sometime this spring (hopefully) and I’d love to see you participate :)
lastly, thank you so much to my friends for letting me complain, whine, winge, etc. I am so sorry for missing all of your work, your celebrations, your bright energies, and all the rest. i am so sorry if it seemed like i was ignoring you. you are my guiding lights, my silver linings, my touchstones. you make me want to be here. i will try to make it up to you!
I want to be online less but make sure I’m connecting more in the moments that i am here. I want to pressure myself to write less and not feel bad that I’m not engaged all the time. I want this blog to once again feel like a place that nourishes me and not sucks me dry. i want to stop feeling like shit about all of it!!!!
so. come hang out in my inbox, my dms, let me know what you've been up to. I am really sorry for missing so much. thank you for sticking around. <3
#personal#this is very long but please read it maybe?#emma rambles#I will reblog it a few times probably
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𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐛 • 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐞𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭
synopsis: after spending all of his time and nearly a week in Houston with (y/n), EJ must return home and to reality. But he isn’t pleased to find that his manager has been making moves behind his back. Ones that may sever their longtime bond and jeopardize her relationship after a heated altercation results in legal troubles for the rapper .It's also there that he reveals a secret to his best friend and what it may mean for his future as an artist. Could EJ the Don really be done with music as the media claimed? Meanwhile, (y/n)’s starpower continues ascending as she receives offers from tons of companies to do business. With the concerns of her friends lurking over her head; worrying that she may have been distracted by her recent fling, she proves to be more determined than ever to make things happen, especially when a part of her past is unearthed, serving as a reminder why she started in the first place and with news of EJ’s recent run in with the law, it’s one more reason to stay the course and keep distance. But will it really be that easy? The head executives of AMG are finally introduced, and with plans to host one of the world’s largest musical festivals for the first time in history, they meet to discuss the state of their current roster and how they plan to proceed.
content warning: mentions of violence, fighting/arguing, drug mentions, angst, mental health, mentions of death and grief, toxicity, implied sex, legal stuff and mentions of jail
word count: 8.8K
📝: just wanna tell you all thank you so very much being patient with these very sporadic and inconsistent uploads. I promise it is not due to lack of inspiration, these chapters just take a hell of a long time to write! If I could have them out in a week, I would. But I hope that everyone is enjoying this story so far and I can’t for y’all to see what’s next! 🫶🏾
previous chapter >>> next chapter
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“Listen, Mr. Jaeger..I assure you. There’s nothing to worry about, alright? In all fairness, and in the eyes of the law, they were trespassing onto your property. Which gave you grounds to defend yourself. We’ll beat this case, trust me. And if they press their luck, we’ll crush them..you’ll own their entire company by the time I’m finished.”
“Shit, I hope so. My manager’s gonna be on my ass when she finds out. I don’t even wanna know what story those grimy ass journalists cooked up and put out..but that’s why I pay you. Do your thing and make this headache go away, please. I have full faith in you.”
It was a rather interesting Monday morning for the jaded Eren, who had been mid-conversation with his lawyer. A defense attorney to the stars who had beaten some of the most harrowing allegations and cases. Yelena Pithikos, a woman as intimidating as she was intelligent..and boy, did she live up to her reputation! A perfect track record with not one single lost case. She really was the greatest of all time in the legal world. With her on his side, there was no way he’d lose. The two would converse for a little longer; the rapper facing a half smoked blunt and blowing smoke before ending the call. To say he was stressed would be the biggest understatement of the century. Having been a free man for a little over twenty four hours, he had not only been hit with a barrage of text messages from concerned friends but knew that a media shitstorm was headed his way. All of it seemed so exhausting! Floch, who came and posted bail on his behalf, was worried that he’d be irate but if anything, he was just worried. Worried that he had caused yet another issue for Mika and how she’d have to spend the next week trying to clean up his mess. Little did he know though, that this wasn’t a result of his own actions..
“Come in.”
Uttering tirelessly over his shoulder as he mashed away at the keys on his mixing board. Suddenly, the door would creak open..followed by the faint footsteps of clacking heels hitting the tile. “No snarky comments today?” That old statement about speaking of the devil and they shall appear had never rang so true before. Just then, a visibly tired Mikasa came walking in; hands folded over her chest and cell phone in hand. Truthfully, he didn’t even want to look at her. Not out of embarrassment but fear that he had angered her or upset her. He sometimes worried the people around him with his careless actions. He did things without taking into account how they may affect everyone else. However, this wasn’t a matter that he should or could apologize for. Not when his home, his safe haven was invaded.
“..look, I know what you’re gonna say. And I’m sorry, but I really don’t feel like listening to any lectures right now. Already got an earful of the damn cops and a bunch of crazy bastards in a holding cell getting on my last good nerve. Also, I forgot how much of a pain in the ass handcuffs are..I’m just not in the mood right now.”
blurting out before proceeding to focus on his current task..avoiding eye contact with her if at all possible. But surprisingly, she wasn’t as talkative or angry as she normally would have been. Which he didn’t even notice at first. But as the conversation progressed, he’d soon come to realize that he wasn’t so much at fault as he initially figured and in truth, the one to blame was standing in front of him. Even so, she’d glare down at him as a disappointed mother would her unruly child. For a split second, he even thought about how his own mom had called him not too long ago to check on..and scolded him about the incident and he was drained! The last thing he needed was another chewing out.
“Why did you skip out on our meeting last week?”
the question caught him off guard and confused EJ even more. What exactly did that have to do with this situation in particular? Was she not ready to rip his head off for creating yet another mess for her to mull over with the execs and the media? What was going on?! Leaning back in his chair, he’d blink profusely to really make sure he heard correctly but she’d give him that glare she’d done many times before and await his answer. “Don’t stare at me like I’m speaking another language. What was so goddamn important that you couldn’t even give me a phone call to let me know you weren’t showing up? That meeting was booked out months ago and you made me look like a complete dumbass in front of the board members. Your album deadline keeps getting pushed back and I keep having to make excuses. You don’t find that a little fucked up?”
he understood exactly where she was coming from..Mikasa worked tirelessly to ensure that all of her talents received equal attention and that they were being given opportunities to showcase their talents. As well as being backed by the top brass at AMG. It was her job as the median between the two to ensure that things went smoothly. It wasn’t easy to get a room full of stiffs in suits to fund projects sometimes but Eren’s reputation and record sales had always spoken for themselves. But with a four year time lapse between his last album and now, it was becoming difficult to do so. She was just irritated that once again, his selfishness had put her in a bad spot. It was hard enough that she had to work to prove she wasn’t just some byproduct of nepotism and family favors. But she had earned her spot as the executive PR and internal affairs manager. One she held proudly. But he’d try to explain as best he could without detonating the ticking time bomb.
“Look, Mika. I’m sorry, alright? I was busy, kinda needed to duck off and clear my head for a lil’ bit, that’s all. I didn’t realize that the damn meeting was so soon. I wasn’t trying to stand you up, I promise. I had other things to tend to, that’s all. Just schedule another one and I’ll be there, promise. Hell, tell Floch and I’m sure he’ll remind me.” Once again, there was that nonchalant attitude. It ground her gears to a halt, really. It was as if he had no real concept of reality..
“I wish I had an excuse but I don’t. Truth is, leaving town was some shit I decided last minute. I can’t even tell you why I went. I was out drinking and the next, I was in Houston. Doing shit I hadn’t in a long time...enjoying myself. That I won’t apologize for. I didn’t expect to come home to a bunch of paps at my door, interrogating me about some fuck ass article I knew nothing about. Saying I was retiring and a lot of other bullshit. Respectfully, the last thing I wanna deal with is your uncle and the rest of the firing squad questioning me about an album rollout. I need some time to think.” It seemed that he was truly agitated by all of this. As if he were confused as to how he could have a perfect weekend, pillow talking and fucking on (y/n) to now being in the midst of a media frenzy. It just seemed so sudden and now, he was trying to figure out how to deal with it. But Mika’s next comment would not only catch him off guard but eventually, send him into a tailspin.
“Damn, I knew something like this would happen.”
“What do you mean?”
Before she could recant though, Mikasa’s expression gave it away and she knew that he had definitely peeped that statement. Just what exactly did she know about this situation that he was clueless on? One thing was for certain though, he was going to find out. Glaring up at her with a rather peeved look, Eren began to press the issue..wondering if he’d get a straight answer or some calculated shit she’d orchestrated. What was this all about?
“Mikasa..I asked you a question. What do you mean ‘you knew?’ Answer me.”
normally, the banter between them was nothing more than playful, joking discourse but there wasn’t the slightest hint of happiness in his tone at the moment. But rather, complete and utter irritation and quite frankly, a hint of anger as well. He wasn’t much for the games and she figured it best not to test him either. So, against her better judgment and her own interests, she decided to come clean. Releasing a heavy sigh, Mikasa began to confess and tell him how the entire situation came about. From the fact that she was fed up with him ducking and evading meetings from the phone call with Annie and even putting the bug in her ear about writing the article. She told him that she knew he was with (Y/N) for the weekend and that she was furious about being stood up yet again..and that his inconsistency was affecting her own standing within the company. Admitting that she knew him well enough to know that he would’ve never moved for some one off blog post about him hooking up with an Instagram model but the second they mentioned news of him retiring or perhaps becoming stagnant, he’d definitely respond by clapping back from the booth. It seemed like such a sure fire way to give him that extra push to put out a new track or maybe even a full project..what she didn’t count on was him being swarmed and the whole plan backfiring.
“Look, Eren..I’m sorry, alright? I didn’t know they’d take it this far. It was a last minute, brash decision I made out of anger and I put you in a bad situation. I apologize.”
But he wasn’t hearing a word. Honestly, he had blanked from the moment she admitted that she had all but set the catalyst for this entire ordeal. Now, he had to attend court, pay legal fees and deal with a dumb ass judge..all because she wanted him to produce another record to improve her status quo?! It was infuriating but the worst part was that she was willing to exploit her own best friend and things that he had and were still struggling with for clout. He had known Mikasa for the majority of his life and she was one of, if not the most logical and intelligent person he knew. Out of all his friends, she was the one that always made the smart decisions, even in the most high stress of situations. Always thinking things through and ensured that her emotions never got in the way of her thought process. However.. “..how fucking stupid can you be?” That wasn’t the case and Eren was more than happy to let her hear about it!
For a moment, she stood still..gasping as she had never heard him speak to her in that manor. Granted, she was full and well aware of how irate he could truly become but not once in the entirety of their friendship did she think she’d become the subject of his anger. But this was coming from a place of pure hysteria. Hurt and betrayal that she would do something like this..standing to his feet, EJ tried his hardest to practice restraint to avoid saying anything extremely hurtful but he wasn’t much in the way of exercising such resolve at the moment. Especially when not only had she gotten him in this mess and offered no real solution to help repair his reputation but also, he hadn’t heard from the one person who was keeping him happy and this may have very well been the reason. So he didn’t feel compelled to hold back in expressing his feelings.
“Look, I said I’m sorry, alright? We’ll get this sorted out. Just calm down–”
“Calm down? Are you serious? Mika, I just spent the past twenty four hours in a fucking holding cell. One more fuckup and they’re gonna send me away for a long time. I had to fight a bunch of psychos off of my car and property over a story I knew nothing about. Not to mention everything in it was a lie. I take a few days off for myself, for once and you jump the gun all because you and the rest of those slave driving maniacs at AMG want me to make another album? To hell with calming down and honestly, to hell with you too for even pulling something like this! I’m your friend and you sold me out like I was nothing..”
The frustration was visible all over his face..the emotions coming through clear as day and radiating all throughout his body. Even causing tears to well in his eyes. He was furious, enraged and if it were anyone else..moreso a man, he would’ve slid them across the floor by now. But this stung more than anything. He knew how hard she worked and the lengths she went to ensure her clients’ success; not only for them but to prove that she was capable of one day becoming the heiress and figurehead of Ackerman Management Group but never in a million years did he think she’d become so obsessed with proving herself that she’d lose sight of what really mattered. Now, the damage had been done and he didn’t know if he could forgive such an act. Even so, she wanted to at least try to defend her actions!..
“Only because you never listen to me. Hell, you won’t listen to anyone!..you never think about how the things you do affects anyone else. It took three months..three months to get that goddamn meeting and you couldn’t give me so much as a phone call to let me know you wouldn’t be there. Out of every client I have, you’re the most difficult. I get it, you’ve been working since you were sixteen. Harder than anyone I know but hell, this has been my life for as long as I could remember. I’ve got a whole line of old bastards who’d do anything to remove me from the equation because once my uncle steps down, they don’t want to execute decisions made by the same little girl that used to play in the lobby. None of them truly believe I deserve that spot, no matter how hard I work. How many success stories I create…I’ll never be good enough in their eyes. The least you could do is not make it hard on me to do my job..Jesus! You’re getting a little too old for the rebellious bad boy act. In and out of jail, long before this..doing whatever the hell you wanted! You have obligations and you won’t even stand on your word but you want to preach about friendship and loyalty? Spare me, Eren. Please..this is business, remember that.”
The entire time that she was speaking, he felt himself becoming even more sated with rage. His blood boiling at her deflection. But his face had completely gone blank from a few minutes ago. Not even making eye contact as he rolled yet another blunt. As if she weren't even there but little did she know, he had a hell of a response for her little tangent and he promised she wouldn’t like it. That nonchalant, brutal honesty was one of his most horrible character traits and she was about to be on the receiving end. Uncrossing his feet, letting the sole of his Nike Dunks hit the floor, Eren began to smirk and eventually..laugh. That’s when he was at his most dangerous and the words about to leave his mouth were far more painful than any punch could ever be.
“You know Mika, you make it sound as if it’s my fault you’re not up for the task. Don’t try to take the piss out on me because Uncle Levi and his lackies are second guessing if you should take his crown. But aye, I’m not surprised. I mean, shit..it’s not the first time they’ve had to intervene because you lost control.”
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?..”
By now, the two of them were only inches apart. Her face screwed up and was riddled with hostility. Eren on the other hand was sporting the snarkiest, smuggest smirk he could muster. Blowing that cloud of smoke, he’d run a finger underneath her chin and look directly in her eyes:
“Exactly as I said, sweetheart. That little bullshit essay from your friend? I wonder just how much of it is true and how much of it is you projecting..let’s not pretend that you’ve always been..this. Little Miss Perfect. If anyone on this earth can’t tell me shit about obligations and integrity, it’s you Mika. You were on those stages and in the same dressing rooms I was. Getting high out of your fucking mind just to get through one set. Snorting coke off of a bathroom counter because you hated it so much. Sleeping with a bunch of assholes you couldn’t even stand looking at but hey, they made you feel better, told you you were pretty after mommy put you on another diet because the blogs were making fun of you. How many times did me, Armin and everybody else have to come pick you up off of the floor because you’d get so damned drunk after your shows, you couldn’t even remember where you were the next morning. And please, let’s not forget how many times you cried in my arms because you didn’t have the heart to tell your family to fuck off and stop forcing you to make music. It took that stupid ass fiancé of yours outshining you at your own show for you to finally realize that you hated being an artist. And you think you can actually lead that company? Don’t make me laugh. You’d probably snort your body weight if you had to handle that type of pressure. Hell, I’ve done some fucked up shit since I started making music. Taking drugs I had no business touching, just to stay awake and getting in trouble when I probably should’ve walked away but I never once tried to run from my mistakes either and I damn sure never stopped loving my craft..especially not enough to half ass a performance. No matter how bad I felt..how sick I was, even when I didn’t think anyone would even give me a chance or listen, I always showed up. Everything I do is for my fans. Losing sleep over a song because I wanted it to be perfect. You couldn’t even make it to a single album before cracking under pressure. This isn’t some money grab for me, music is my entire life and the only thing I’ve ever loved. And I’ll be damned if you or anyone else backs me into a corner over it. Tell that bitch Leonhart to put that on her website..and if you don’t like it, you and AMG can kiss my ass.”
Every single word he spoke sliced through Mikasa like a hot, searing knife through butter. Her face had become beet red and flush with tears. Huffing and breathing heavily as if she were going to explode at any second. She wanted to scream at him but couldn’t even find the words. Instead, she’d raise her open palm and smack him across the cheek with the hardest slap she could muster..so much so, it left a crimson colored mark on his face.
“Fuck you, Eren. Fuck you!..you’ve gone too far. I came here to apologize for what I did but the only mistake I’ve made is befriending an asshole like you. Burn in hell for all I care and find a new manager while you’re at it because I quit. Do whatever you want.”
furiously tugging her purse strap back up on her shoulder, Mikasa turned on her heel and proceeded to storm out. Not looking over her shoulder once because she wouldn’t be able to control herself if she did. As for EJ, he didn’t bother to stop her or even remotely show remorse for that long winded read. Rather, he’d listen as she slammed the door behind her and left. He was still pissed off but that may have been a little harsh.
“Damn..maybe I should think before I speak.” But it was too late now. There was no turning back or apologizing. For either of them..all that remained now was for him to put his focus where it always was: into his craft. Drown out all the noise and distractions and get back to what he truly loved. Because truth be told, she wasn’t the only one losing her grip on reality and goals. As he sat back in the chair, hands folded underneath his chin, all EJ could think to himself was one single thing:
“I think it might be time to call it quits. Maybe music isn’t for me anymore..”
* . °•★|•°∵ ∵°•|☆•° .** . °•★|•°∵ ∵°•|☆•° .*°•|☆•° .*°•|☆•l
meanwhile, as Eren felt that his time in the spotlight was beginning to dwindle, (y/n) on the other hand felt that your star was only about to ascend. Having just concluded the very last show in your cross country tour, you were already plotting on your next lucrative business opportunity.
“That sounds perfect. I’ll be back in Miami tomorrow so we can meet up and hash out the details. Thank you again, Mr. Smith. I appreciate your time.”
you’d find yourself on the opposite end with one of AMG’s elite directors and the man who had approached you back at Rolling Loud about starring in Connie’s video. You found it a bit strange that Mikasa wasn’t the intermediary for this particular deal but you just chocked it up to her being busy but you knew if Erwin Smith; the nine time Grammy Winner and music legend was contacting you personally then it must’ve been a huge deal. Either way, you were excited to see what was in store. Once you ended the call, you’d turn your attention back to the rest of the group, who were preparing to board their respective flights as you all paraded through the airport. Dressed in cute yet casual outfits, hair put up and bags stacked on one another. The final leg of the Pole Assassins Cross Country Tour had come to its end last night; concluded by a performance with a real rap legend performing. You all were excited to be going home…getting to see your families and most importantly, getting some much needed rest. But for the fearless leader, things never stopped. You were on your grind twenty four hours a day. Even counting up checks while you slept from brand deals and your namesake. It wasn’t all too bad. But for the ones that knew you best, they also knew that once you touched down back in Miami, you’d more than likely be closed off to everyone. That the reason you were working so hard was to keep yourself distracted from your impending grief. Even the passage of time never made it easier to get over the tragedy you suffered at seventeen years old and as a child in general. Affecting your life now even as a grown woman..living the way only few could dream of. Because of that, not one person in this world had access to (y/n) this time of year and it was very obvious by the very nonchalant reaction to the news of your sneaky link getting arrested, that the sullen mood had already set in. You didn’t even so much as gasp or even shrug it off as you had done countless other men that fucked up while in your life. And that’s what worried your girls.
“Aye, you sure she’s gonna be good while we’re on vacation? She already seems spaced out.” a concerned Kelley questioned whilst scrolling through her phone. Luckily though, Niesha wouldn’t be too far away, as you guys grew up only blocks away and not much had changed since becoming famous. You guys’ luxury apartments were within walking distance so if you needed anything, she could always pop in and check on you. “Yeah, she’ll be alright. She just needs her space right now. Listen, I’ll call y’all when we make it and keep you updated.” With that, the four girls would make their way over to (y/n), who had been standing near the gate for your flight, becoming visibly anxious. Suddenly, you’d feel a pair of comforting arms wrapping your shoulders. “Hey, pookah. You ready to go?” That warm and loving smile that could only come from your best friend and sister. “Yeah, I’m ready.” Returning the glance, you’d nod and turn to bid the rest of your crew farewell for now. Embracing in a giant group hug, the five of you exchanged laughs and even playful kisses to the cheek. Just then, your procession of being bid adieu was interrupted by a voice of the intercom, announcing departure of the Miami and Atlanta flights. “Y’all be good now. See y’all later, love you guys!” Kelley, Brianne and Syrai waved and you and Niesha would do the same as you clenched hands. Much like you had done as little girls when walking to the corner store. You were each other’s safety nets and truthfully, Niesha was all you had right now. So she’d do whatever to make you comfortable. To let you know that you weren’t alone at this time, no matter what it may have felt like. She loved you more than anything and you could feel the energy brimming from your bestie, even if there wasn’t a single word exchanged during the walk from baggage check to boarding the plane. As the two of you made it to your seats and got acclimated..you’d stay close to Niesha. Clinging to her like moths to a flame. Coiling an arm around hers and eventually, laying your head on her shoulder. Even in the dead of silence, the sentiment was loud and clear to Niesha:
“You know I always got you, pookah. You my girl and I love you…take all the time you need. You know your granny would be proud, just like I am, (Y/N). You've been working hard so now it’s time to go tell her all about it..forget EJ, forget working. This is time between you and her..”
••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
Page Break and Time Skip: Thursday Night, The Jaeger Residence, Miami Florida; 10:55PM
••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
darkness had well set over the bustling city..a thunderstorm showering the bustling streets and ruining the evening plans of would be partygoers and club hoppers. But there was an even darker cloud looming over the head of Eren, who was currently holed up in his home studio, flug lazily across the couch with his electric guitar lying across his bare torso and an open bottle of brown liquor next to him. He had been drinking and doing whatever he could to rid himself of any feelings and emotions. Having all but become a recluse..which wasn’t out of character for the hard shelled rapper to begin with but where as label mates and friends could find him working up until the early morning hours on a new song, he hadn’t even touched his work equipment. And instead, was instead getting inebriated with every substance he could tolerate so that guilt, anger or sadness stood no chance of plaguing his mind. Right now, he had his guitar lying across his bare torso and an open bottle of brown liquor in his hand. He was trying to find his spark..that extra push to drum up something to shut both his manager and his hating ass critics up. But nothing was coming through. He had no desire to make a beat, write lyrics…he just wanted to lie there and rot. It was a feeling he hadn’t experienced in ages. That creative slump and depression that had plagued many of his peers..the point of no return. Where artists could no longer achieve that sense of gratification when putting out music. They’d resort to making a few radio safe tracks to appease the masses before disappearing from the scene altogether and fading into obscurity. The last thing he wanted was to become an afterthought..but he was tired of grasping at straws. But luckily, a much needed distraction would be arriving in the form of his best friend, Armin. Who for some odd reason, couldn’t rid himself of the nagging suspicion that something was amiss with his homeboy. That would’ve been putting it lightly…
“Mr. Jaeger? You have company..” one of his loyal housekeepers and truthfully, someone he considered family, had been staying in one of the designated bedrooms for staff and was still tending to some chores when she got a knock at the door. Once getting the approval from security and seeing who it was pulling into the driveway, she breathed a sigh of relief. Because she knew if anyone could pull her gloomy employer from this week long slump fest he seemed to be trapped in, it was Armin. Whether EJ would welcome the thought or not. Before he even had the opportunity to attest and decline, the door would burst open and in would come a rather perturbed Armin, who was glancing around the dimly lit room; halting dead in his tracks at the sad sight before him. Turning to the housekeeper, he’d warmly assure her that he could take things from here and thanked the woman. It seemed to be a lot worse than what she had portrayed. He was hardly leaving his room nowadays, less known eating or anything else. Normally, she would’ve been sent home and still given a full day’s pay because Eren would insist on cleaning the mess for her, so as not to overexert herself. But when the head of the house was in a less than jovial mood, the energy was blatantly obvious to everyone.
“Alright, get your ass up. Enough of this. It’s pathetic..” the brash words leaving Armin’s mouth as he slammed the door behind him, which elicited quite the reaction from the hotheaded artist. “Watch your fucking mouth and don’t slam my fucking door either, bitch.” But alas, Armin didn’t give the slightest care. Because an angry reaction was better than none at all. Laughing as he took a seat in Eren’s chair, just to rub a bit more salt in the already festering wound. “And here I was thinking you had really lost it. You only look and smell like you’ve reached rock bottom. The proverbial clawing under his skin had seemed to work in Armin’s favor because he was at least sitting upright now and wiping his eyes so they’d adjust to the light. Releasing a loud yawn, Eren shot his best friend the middle finger and proceeded to ask exactly why the hell he was in his house this late in the evening. Armin would shrug it off as he’d always done, kicking back with a bottle of water he had confiscated from his fridge on the way up. Even going as far to take his shoes off and get mighty comfortable. “Oh, Eren. You silly goose..you can’t escape me that easily. Besides…I’m here on official business.” the response piquing his very dulled interest. Raising a furrowed eyebrow, Eren hoisted the bottle to his lips for yet another swig of the Hennessy. “Official business? At ten PM? What the hell are you talking about?” of course, he wanted to stay here another minute without being tossed from the second story, he’d elaborate. Although, EJ had quite the nagging suspicion of what this was pertaining to. Since he and Mikasa’s giant quarrel last week, word had gotten around the entirety of AMG..including the higher ups. Who had been in talks of what to do. On one hand, Mikasa was the best PR manager to come out of the firm, not to mention the fact she was the boss’ niece and next in line. On the other hand, EJ the Don was their highest earning artist. Regardless of Grammys or accolades, his name was still holding weight after all this time. And with the two of them at odds, who knew what would become of the team? However, for Armin..it was much more than that. He could care less about AMG’s record sales or a damn article. What he cared about was seeing his best friends at odds and hurting. Unbeknownst to Eren, this fight hadn’t just affected him.
It seemed that his harsh words had hurt Mikasa far worse than anyone had anticipated. The remarks about her younger days on stage and turning to drugs to cope with the pressures of being in the limelight had driven her back to some of those nasty old habits. She was trying to keep a brave face but it reminded her of how imperfect she truly was. Regardless of that front..and him. Sitting here wasting away, all because some fucked up article said he was washed. Enough was enough!
“Look, dude. I’m not gonna bullshit with you, alright? I’m not exactly sure of what happened between you and Mika. It’s honestly none of my business but what I do know is that both of you stubborn assholes need to fix this. She won’t even tell Jean..she just says it’s the stress of work before closing up in her room for hours. The other day, she blanked on one of the coordinators because he got the wrong number of napkins for an event. Whatever you said to her, you need to apologize before that bitch kills all of us.” And he wasn’t bluffing, sadly. Mikasa had been known to be quite the pistol. They had seen her beat grown men who tried to make passes at her so they knew she could be the Tasmanian devil when she wanted to. But there was one person with a hotter head than she had..
“I’m not apologizing for a damn thing. Should’ve thought about that before running to the blogs and trying to lie about it. She wants to use cheap tactics and dumb shit then she can stand on that. Just don’t expect me to feel sorry for telling the truth.” Honestly, it was pointless to get through to either of them and he knew he’d only exhaust himself trying to argue. Maybe what they needed most was not to be lectured but for someone to listen and once he began to open up..it all made sense. Talking back another swig of that dark liquor, Eren began to confess what was truly bothering him.
“I worked myself like crazy..for years, all I wanted was to be the best. To make music that transcended the charts. Hell, I didn’t care if I ever touched a Grammy or even got my flowers. I just wanted to make shit that people could relate to. Everybody told me how stupid I was for leaving home..a cushy life just to chase this so called dream of mine. But I loved it. I loved sitting in front of my laptop..pen and paper just coming up with verse after verse. After a while, it felt like second nature. I could do that shit in my sleep, y’know?” As he continued to speak, Armin listened attentively. In all the years that they had known one another, pretty much for the entirety of their young lives, Eren had never once been this vulnerable or open with him. They joked around and sometimes went at each other’s throats but this was a completely different side that no one had seen. It could’ve been the liquor or just the lack of having someone to talk to but either way, he was pouring his heart out. And a few tears too, no matter how hard he tried to hide it. Masking it behind his smirking and laughter..
“Lately, I’ve just been feeling like I don’t have a place anymore. I kept telling myself ‘maybe if I help them with this project’ or ‘if I produce this track’, my inspiration for my own shit would find me again. But nothing…I didn’t feel the same way I did a couple years ago. Less known, ten. I spent all this time trying to build this empire and now I feel like I don’t have shit to show for it..these labels, they decide you’re no longer useful, and you’re out the fucking door. It’s frustrating, I ain’t gon’ lie.” interrupting his rant only to wipe away his tears and take another sip. “I can’t even keep a girl. Finally find one worth a damn and I go and fuck it up. I’m sure she saw I got arrested and ran for the hills. Can’t say I blame her though–” it was at that moment, Armin had heard more than enough. Listening to all he could take of this pity fest and self wallowing. Unbending his knees, he planted his feet to the ground, snatching that bottle out of his hand. “First of all, if you think for one second and I’m gonna sit here and let you cry like a lil’ bitch, you’re sadly mistaken. Dude, do you know how many people you’ve inspired with this music shit? Including me? Ony, Connie, even Jean, loves your work and he can’t stand your ass. I’ve never seen anything like it. Ten years..ten years you’ve been doing and dude, you’re only getting started. If you quit now, that’s the only way it’ll be in vain. You gotta keep going..not just for your fans or even to prove a bunch of losers on the internet wrong. You gotta do it for sixteen year old EJ who chose sleeping in a bus station over the country club because he wanted to put the industry on its head. You gotta do this because no one else can. So what if you don’t feel like it right now? You have so much left in you and I’ll be damned if I watch you quit.” It were those exact words that had seemed to have brought forth a spark in him..bringing life back into those dull jade eyes. Finally getting himself together, he’d sniffle and begin to laugh. Wholeheartedly for the first time in days..it felt good. But that wasn’t it for the encouragement Armin had in store for him. There was one more bit of uplifting news he had.
“And about (y/n)? She’s not mad at you, dude. Promise. Niesha told me everything and honestly…she just needs space right now.” Armin found himself swallowing a lump in his throat as he uttered the sentence. “It’s not personal. I’m sure she’d be happy to link…when the time is right. But she’d hate to see you like this.” Taking another breath, he’d ask another request of his best friend while he seemed to be in a much better mood. “Listen, I know it’s not your thing and trust me, I already know what you’re gonna say. But I’m hosting a yacht party next week. I invited everyone else too..including (y/n)..so I was hoping you’d come too.” never had Armin been so soft spoken. Truthfully, all he wanted was to see his homeboy happy and the only person who had managed to do that in recent history was the gorgeous influencer who had obviously more than well caught his eye. Maybe the thing you two needed most was each other. Even so, it wouldn’t be that simple and EJ just wasn’t going to agree that easily.
“I’ll think about it, dude..” but before Armin could leave with a less than savory answer, Eren would avert his eyes towards the door, where Armin was close to opening it. “Aye..thanks, bro. I appreciate you.” reciprocating a toothy smile in return. Seeing him in a better mood than when he arrived was all the thanks he needed.
“That’s what I’m here for.” Doing their signature handshake they’ve had since childhood but alas the sweet, heartwarming camaraderie wouldn’t last long..as Armin had a bad habit of being as annoying as possible! “By the way, I’m gonna go get a shower and when I get back, we can work on some of these beats. I have a couple ideas.” at first, what he said didn’t exactly register to Eren but then he realized–
“I’m gonna take one of your spare beds too! The room with the mirror on the ceiling. I might have a little something coming over.”
“Yeah, man. No problem–wait a minute. You’re at my house, you jackass! What do you mean you’re gonna go shower?! Don’t you have a whole ass mansion?”
“Yeah, but I like a change of scenery.”
Before he even had the chance to respond, Armin was already headed back downstairs. “Love you, Eren!”
leaving the befuddled rapper shaking his head and in shock of just how tactless he was. One thing he could do was thank him for getting his mind right. Now..it was time to do something with that new found motivation.
••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
the next day…
“All in favor of moving forward with the second decision, say I”
“I”
Meanwhile, the top brass at the renowned talent agency was in the midst of a very important meeting. One with a lot of dire topics being voted on and currently, this may have been the most pertinent of them all..
“That settles it, six to four. We’re getting Italian. Have the kitchen make enough carbonara to feed the National Guard. We’re gonna be here for a while.” earning a collective sigh from the roundtable. Seated on the top floor of the eighteen story building were some of the most powerful and brilliant minds in the entertainment industry..from multi-platinum recording artists to Grammy winning producers, any and everyone who had helped shape several as they were today were running AMG and making it the largest talent agency and label with over one hundred and fifty talents signed and billions in revenue every year. “Goddamnit, Levi. You know I’m trying to watch my figure right now and you’re not helping.” “I’m trying to watch it too and I think it looks just fine.” Seated at the head was chairman and former recording artist, Levi Ackerman. Second generation rockstar who hailed from a long line of talented musicians..best known for being the lead singer of notorious band, Paradis. Who had won over twenty Grammys and seven number ones during their tenure. The man across from him, Erwin Smith was his best friend and bandmate. The COO. Along with Miche Zacharius, who was also at the table. The lead drummer turned director of marketing. He was a genius when it came to advertising for these artists. He could take any budget and make it look as if it were worth millions. Perhaps, the most inquisitive mind there was the woman next to him and perhaps, his favorite person in the entire company. Vivian James-Ackerman. The Queen of Neo-Soul, five time Grammy winner and his beautiful wife of ten years..she was not only a generational talent with a sound inspiring many songs today; a creative director working on the set of many videos but a mentor to AMG’s biggest star, EJ the Don.
“You two are a mess..so, what are we gonna do about this little situation? We have PalmFest right around the corner and two of our biggest stars are currently out of commission. Think we can convince them to perform?”
“Not to worry, lovebug. I’m sure they’ll come around. Right, Levi?”
Next to Erwin was his beautiful wife of twenty years, Deanna Smith. She was a renowned R&B singer with a powerhouse voice for many years before trading in her sultry lyrics and silky vocals for the title of vice director of marketing. Her and Erwin had collabed on many tracks. Including one that was the talk of the tabloids, saying that it was far too ‘provocative’ for their time. But innovative, as it was the first time rock and R&B had meshed together and topped the charts.
“They damn well better or they’ll all find themselves out of a job. This is the first time in AMG history we’ll be hosting something of this caliber. Three days of music, entertainment..hell, if we pull this off, we might surpass Rolling Loud or Coachella in a couple years. Not to mention the cash it’ll bring in. Whatever those brats have going on, they better sort it out and quick.” When the president spoke, his word was absolute and everyone had done their part to make his vision come to life. Glancing around the table, they all nodded in agreement but among the tribe, there was always one person going against the grain. “Speaking of…” pressing his glass back to the table, Miche chimed in and added to the conversation; addressing the elephant in the room.. “..you know that niece of yours is one hell of a manager, Levi. She’s recruited some real heavy hitters in the past couple years. It’s hard to believe that someone so young has done the work she has..” as he continued talking, no one could attest to that. Mikasa was the top of her peer class in many areas. She was super talented. However, Director Zacharius had his reservations. “Even so, I’m a little concerned about her after news of her little outburst the other day. I mean, with something as huge as this on the line..how can we be certain she’s equipped to handle it? Are you sure we can leave her in charge of such a huge event?” His inquiry caused eyebrows to rise on each side. But as always, Levi remained steadfast, stoic and calm..twirling a pen between his fingers, he’d merely smirk and lean up before speaking.
“I’ll admit, she is quite the firecracker when she wants to be. Even as a little girl, she was a force and I’ll admit…the kid’s had her moments. Ones that have me doubtful of how well she could handle all of this pressure. The last thing I’d ever want is to see her or AMG collapse under the weight. Running a business is hard work..overseeing so many different people and ensuring that things run smoothly. CEO, chief operator, directors or managers. Nobody comes by these titles easily. All of it is a group effort and requires a lot of skill.”
as he continued with his speech, he’d clasp his hands together and take a stern look around the table..making one thing abundantly clear:
“With that being said, there’s no one more qualified to not only oversee this festival but one day, this company as well. Contrary to popular belief, I didn’t take it easy on her, never have and I damn sure won’t now. I also won’t coddle her. This is the test to prove she’s worth her salt and that she’s capable of being a true leader. She screws up then she’s out the door but I believe as always, she’ll pull through for us and make the best of her talents. I trust that you all will place the same amount of faith I have in her and assist as much as possible.” and that was enough for everyone else! Of course, the co-sign would come from the one person who housed enthusiasm in their veins as if they needed it to breathe. “Well I think Mikasa is more than capable and I’m sure she’s gonna do amazing things. Let’s just help her with whatever we need to make this a success.”
Zoe Hange, nightclub owner and interim data analyst; in charge of ensuring that the budgets were in order. As they all reached that consensus, they felt confident in proceeding with the fun part and that was planning the festival. Getting all the acts, deciding the staff and of course, who would be performing! But as they all flipped through their files and scrolled their iPads with presentations on the screen, Vivian would lean over and ask her husband about one more burning question on her mind..
“You know, Eren would make a great addition to this lineup. I think we should make one more effort to get him on board.”
“If you want to go grovel to that brat, be my guest. As far as I’m concerned, he has one more strike before I drop his ass for good. Money and sales aside.” Levi uttered without so much as even lifting his head. But Vivian wasn’t as ready to give up on her protege. And instead, proposed something else..
“I’ll go pay him a visit. It’s been a while since I’ve seen my little mentee anyways. I miss him.” And all Levi could do was laugh because she knew that Vivian looked at EJ as more than just a former backup singer or pianist, she thought of him like her own son and treated him as such so if he were in any type of distress, she’d do whatever to solve it. He also knew there was no arguing with her when she got her mind set on something! Snickering, the president would just scribble down his signature on a few documents as the rest of the table conversed among themselves.
“Well, I trust your judgment, sweetheart. Whatever you think is best. But remember, we only have a month so we don’t have any time to waste on him or anyone else.” With that, she knew she had all the time she needed to make this work. Tomorrow, she’d be heading to his Miami Beach mansion to not only convince him to headline PalmFest.
but ensure his well being above all else.
.･*:｡.･*:｡.･*:｡.･*:｡.･*:｡.･*:｡.･*:｡.･*:｡.･*:｡.･*:｡.･*: .･*:｡.･*:｡.･
if you made it this far, thank you so much for reading! please check out some of my other stuff in the masterlist. Likes are appreciated but reblogs would mean the world and help me out a TON! Also, considering leaving a little something in the tip jar if you’re feeling extra generous! 🫶🏾
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#musician x influencer au#eren x black fem!reader#reverb series#reverb chapter eight#long fic#aot x black reader#black fem reader#musician eren#musician au#aot au#eren x black y/n#eren x black reader#mikasa ackerman#levi ackerman#armin artlert#erwin smith#eren jaeger#aot ocs#aot oc#miche zacharias#aot fic#aot au series#aot series#black fanfiction#eren aot#black reader#aot x female reader#aot x reader#cw violence#cw drugs
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OH NY HAHSBSDJEN
OK, so like I wasn't here for a while, so there are lots of new stuff here.
So now I was just busy scrolling down, checking ur posts when there was this one post about some tweel fic ideas, and like, girl, YOU ARE A GENIUS HAND IN MARRIAHE PLZ🥺🤲💍
The last one about Floyb especially, arranged marriage and unrequited love tropes are BSKAJE
THEY ALWAYS MAKE ME CRY, I LOVE CRYING, PLEASE MERA COULD U MAKE ME CRY I LOVE FLOYB I WANT TO EAT HIM UP
Anyways, basically what I am asking is more Floyb content? Like floyb now realizing he fucked up and cries himself to sleep<3 I love tears
and maybe he even cuddles the pillows hoping that it's his darling🥺
Till he has enough and just yoinks you from your bed(I doubt they would be sharing beds in this arrangement, maybe only when it's necessary) and cuddles you and comps you and cries and fucks you
Spectacular✨️✨️✨️
:D THANK YOUUUU!!! I always have more Floyb to provide! There is Fluffy Floyd Hours on the blog, but then perhaps I should go a step further and embrace the beauty of Fuck Floyd Friday, in which every Friday you get to fuck Floyd (or he fucks you). <3
I love writing for him because he's just so perfect to me???? OTL it's difficult to explain. I like how unabashed he is. There's no mind games or manipulation (unlike a certain two fish). He's just so sweet. 🥺 he plays such a careful game despite being someone who enjoys thrill and risk. When it comes to love, he takes such calculated steps because he doesn't want to ruin what he already has with you if he isn't sure you'll reciprocate. And if he tried testing the waters and found it wasn't working, he'd just self-sabotage himself and fall back into the type you know him as: carefree and easygoing. T_T that way you won't suspect anything's amiss and he can continue being your silly friend who you hang out with on occasion.
I like to imagine Floyd can be patient when it's something (or someone) worth being patient for. He's so in love with you. orz orz there's so much I can say about him, but I'm rambling. ;;;;;
Floyb crying himself to sleep. OH, THAT HURTS...... >_< cuddling the pillows and imagining it's you as well... my heart!!!!! Imagine him crying while he's fucking you. He wants you back so badly and he feels so bad for being such an asshole to you before. He was just being difficult. Please give him another chance. He'll be better. He swears it!
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last eden - i . | lmh
part i, ii, iii
only one thing has ever mattered to you, in this lifetime, and in all others : mark lee — even if he doesn't know yet, and even if he may never remember.
pairing: mark x reader
verse: canon/idol!verse, soulmates trope
rating: T
warnings: none, possibly some mild language, like... one very tame mention of making love ig
word count: 4.3k
A/N: yeah i have a lot of these fics that i'm repurposing that i desperately want to post so i can continue them so please look the other way at my random over enthusiasm i beg !! my only long-standing mark fic is actually gorgeous, and while we do love a good raunchy piece, i love mark way too much to keep it to just that. this was my first ever fic on my old blog, and i'm quite attached to the idea despite the fact that it's actually very difficult for me to write. i changed the name because i actually love this song by maktub (anything he puts out is gold to me), which i think generally fits the vibe of the story, so give it a listen if you're interested! so i hope you all enjoy this idol!verse soulmates fic! (help a gal out by reblogging, liking, and leaving a few kind words if you're so inclined!)
“This isn’t really your best idea.”
You know this. You’re fully aware of the possible and endless risks as well as the minimal benefits. But you have to go. The thing that Heehyeon, your roommate, doesn’t fully understand is that this could be your one and only shot, and it could mean life or death. And you know that sounds pretty dramatic, but it really is. you don’t really have all the details (when, where, how, the important stuff) but that doesn’t matter to you right now.
What really matters is that today is NCT’s comeback stage at M! Countdown, and you have to be there.
Unfortunately, this isn’t one of those things you have to go to because your a die-hard fan and you just have to support the group and do all those fan chants and lie to your mom about going to the library when you’re really staying over outside a company building for hours just to wave those silly, expensive light sticks that look like they came out of the factory a bit funny. Sure, NCT’s music was nice (enough), but that isn’t really the reason why you told your mom not to come over this weekend because you would be out on a company team building retreat (as if they actually do that). More than anything, you knew you had to take this chance to see him.
When you don’t respond, Heehyeon presses on with a firmer tone, as if she’s determined to convince you even though you both know nothing is really going to stop you at this point.
“Listen to me, _____________. You are going to a tightly-packed music show with at least a hundred other fans, and you are going to stand in the middle of that dense crowd and — and what? Stare up at him. That’s it. He’s not going to see you; that stage is so high up he’ll probably only catch a look at your forehead, and that’s if you make it up front. And since we both know you’re neither the tallest nor the luckiest person in the world, you know the odds are against you. You’re probably going to get pushed to the back, or stampeded, and it’s going to be messy, and you’re going to push, and they’re going to push you back, and your make-up is going to fall apart, or whatever. Is this really worth it?”
“I told you,” you try to sound patient, but the idea of being buffeted away from the stage by a large wave of sweaty bodies causes more discomfort than you had originally anticipated thanks to her colorful and supremely unhelpful description. “If being near the stage doesn’t work out, I’ll wait out back, near the exit, and —“
“Oh yeah, and ambush him. Because you’ll be the only one there, and because that’s totally safe.” She drops the slightly (well, pretty) judgmental tone when she sees your bottom lip quiver. “I’m not… I’m not saying you shouldn’t try to reach out to him. But this doesn’t sound like the best way, _____________. Security is so tight there, and NCT’s security is even more wary. Even if you do manage to get close, what in the world are you going to say?”
“I— I’ll figure it out once I’m there.” You purse your lips; surely I love you; we’re meant to be together wouldn’t be that hard on your end, but the more important question is: did it sound sane? You didn’t express this doubt, though. Doing so would give your roommate more ammunition to turn back at you; you’d play it by ear when you actually got around to making eye contact with him (if that ever happened at all). And — well, maybe you wouldn’t have to say anything. Maybe, just maybe, this time, he’d remember you.
At that thought, you feel an initial wave of laughter, closely followed by a second, much more painful wave of nausea. Of all the absurd things you could think of, that was probably the most ridiculous.
“This isn’t a good idea,” she recapitulates, shaking her head. “You know what they do to people who stalk idols and say they’re really going to get married to them, or whatever. You know what they’d call you.”
“But I’m not crazy like that,” you argue.
“I know that, but they don’t know anything about you! You’d be labeled a sasaeng. They’ll probably think you’re one of those girls that sneak into their dorms and sniff their underwear before selling them on the dark side of Taobao through a weird Chinese proxy or something.”
“Well, what am I supposed to do?” You ball your fists at your side, feeling a little betrayed. Heehyeon, of all people, should be able to understand why you had to do this, even if it was ludicrous. She had remembered you, reached out to you before you could even place her. She’d heard your story, understood that you had been waiting years for this moment, even stopped you on other occasions when you were about to do the same thing you were planning now, saying it wasn’t the right time. “I don’t have any other way of contacting him. I don’t even know if this is going to work, but you know I have to try, and I feel like this is the right time. I have to see him. I have to — I have to be with him. I don’t need your blessing to go, you know.”
There’s a palpable tension hanging over you now, and Heehyeon’s expression has gone mostly unreadable, save for that twinge of worry still present in her gaze. The soft sound of regular, heavy exhales punctuate every few seconds that pass, and you realize a little later that it’s your breathing, which has turned a bit heavy from the energy spent sort-of yelling at your roommate.
“I know that,” she finally sighs. “I know that, _____________. I just wish you used a different way. Like, a safer, less crazy one.”
“I would use one if there were one.” You frown. “I’m not going to do anything stupid, like attack him. I would never do that.”
She doesn’t say much anymore, opting to watch you instead as you stuff a few more essential things in your bag. A hat. A fan. a bottle of water. Heehyeon had tried to coerce you to buy one of those cheering kits with those slogans, but you didn’t want to waste your money on it, and, truthfully, you didn’t want his name hanging on your walls like some sick reminder in case he rejected you.
“What did you tell your manager?” She asks in a clear attempt to lighten the mood.
“I told her I was sick. You know she never really asks as long as I find someone to substitute for me,” you sling your bag over your shoulder, standing straighter. “How do I look?”
“Pretty damn healthy,” she notes. “But also kind of crazy.”
“I’ll see you tonight, Heehyeon,” you roll your eyes as you make your way out of the room. Before you close the door, she makes one last quick remark.
“Not if I see you on the evening news first!”
You have to take two buses to get to Sangamsan-ro. Even though the traffic is generally mild, the buses make too many stops and wait too long for old ladies with their fruit baskets and newspapers to get on. The wait is making you anxious, and you think about getting an orange to abate your growing hunger, but you’re also so nervous that you’re sure you’re going to spew it all out onto the bus floor anyway. So, you content yourself with listening to music and fiddling with your fingers in your lap.
All you have in your phone is NCT’s music. The files were so large that you’d had to delete everything else you used to listen to and a handful of pictures too (mostly selfies that would have never seen the light of day, anyway) just to get them to fit. You used to only listen to the Korean versions, but you’d found all these little nuances in how Mark raps his lines depending on the language, so you’d started listening to the English and Japanese releases too, even though you can’t understand a lick of anything but ‘baby.’ Most of the time, you skip over to the relevant (see: Mark-filled) parts, already having memorized their timestamps to a kind of sick degree.
It was kind of dumb, and sort of selfish, but you had never really identified yourself as an NCT fan anyway. If you had been an active part of the groups following, people would have probably called you an akgae. You were really only concerned with one member, and it was that member’s voice that filled your ears when you’d plugged your earbuds in and put the volume up.
The first time you’d seen him was in your last year of college. One of your college friends had asked you to accompany them to a Nature Republic outlet downtown. Despite your general lack of interest in make-up at that point in time, you’d gone because she’d promised to buy you a corndog. What you’d gotten instead was a large standee of a handsome guy smiling at you and holding out a pot of aloe vera gel.
You knew his eyes. Even though his features changed a million times in your memory, you could never mistake his eyes for anyone else’s — soft, warm, brown eyes that you’d stared into for truly an eternity. His were eyes you could never forget, were never allowed to forget. You could remember the millions of times they’d smiled up at you in those past lives you were haunted with, twinkled with mischief and laughter in your presence, borne deep into yours on hot summer nights as you made love. Of all the uncertain things in all of the lives you remembered living, these eyes acted as your anchor.
You’d almost forgotten you were there with a friend until she’d called out to you, telling you to step inside the shop. Trying to sound disinterested despite the fact that your heart was pounding, you asked who the guy in the standee was. Mark, she’d called him. Mark of NCT. He was an idol, a rapper in one of those up and coming groups that was starting to gain a lot of attention within the general public because of their ‘cool, chic concepts.’ At that information, your heart had fallen into a pool of acid in your stomach.
Other times were hard, but not this hard. Most of the factors that had kept you or torn you apart were much larger in scale — war, famine, other natural disasters. This, out of all the other times, seemed to be the most difficult; he wasn’t an ordinary man anymore, but a god among men — a god you couldn’t be allowed to approach. You had ditched your friend the moment she’d gotten her change back at the counter, citing a sudden time of the month as the root cause, and dashed out and back to school, sparing only one last glance at the standee.
You’d been waiting for him for years, carefully looking for any sign of him in the people around you, but you had grown tired and had come to believe that maybe, in this life, you had been set free — that he didn’t exist, and the curse would be over. However, as you pored over each and every teaser, music video, advertisement, and blurry, noise-heavy radio interview you could find even a sliver of his face in, you realized that the curse had come back, and in a much larger force than you could ever imagine.
You’d stared at your desk for the longest time that day; the sun had dipped out of sight already when you’d sighed yourself out of your trance. It had never been this difficult. Having the Memory was mostly the worst thing ever, but its usual perk was that you could pick him out a little easier, and he was never too far away — nobody you ever knew in your first life ever was. They just kept coming up again and again, running around in little circles throughout time and space, and you recognized them in a way you’ve come to grow familiar with. It’s a tug, sort of like a tickle in your stomach, and you knew then that he was close by. The signal only stopped when you found him, and it usually wasn’t that hard. From there, you were responsible for weaving the same kind of story — one in which you would fall in love, be happy for a period of time, and then… well.
Heehyeon has the Memory, too. She’d remembered you from a previous life, too, and picked you out of a packed line at a coffee shop, striking up one of the most awkward conversations you’d ever had the displeasure of being a part of because she hadn’t been sure if you remembered her. It was only when she mentioned that you seemed like someone she could be good friends with and that you also seemed like you just happened to like your coffee black with two sugars did you realize that her sudden onslaught of friendliness was a sign she might be like you: unable to forget. She’d actually once asked you if you’d tried just letting him go, and you’d responded with a resolute no. At this point, it was too hard to call him a lost cause, even if he really seemed it. How could you stop loving someone you know you’ve loved for millennia?
He’s extremely handsome in this life, you’ve noted. Girls were falling all over him, which only made things ten times harder. A couple of years back, some rumors of him dating a labelmate had come up. Heehyeon had talked you through that long night of you clutching tissues in a fist and sobbing about how you didn’t want this anymore, how it was never fair, how every single time you had to find him was just growing more and more difficult until it seemed to reach an impossible arc. But, mostly, you’d cried because you hated the possibility — probably the confirmation — that he didn’t remember you at all.
You didn’t really expect him to, but you always hoped. Every life, you would approach him, and he would be a clean slate. It was a tiring process, one you wished you weren’t constantly responsible for. Some days, you resented him; how could he live his life carefree, without even the notion that you two were meant to be together? Most days, though, you just longed for him. Him, and a happy ending.
You let out a sigh as the track changes. His voice greets you again; over time, you’ve noticed it sounding even cooler, more impactful. He’s doing well for himself. And here you are, attempting to make yourself stand out in a pool of fans he probably can’t even see clearly. Nice.
You get to listen to about half of the newly released album before you realize you’re nearing your stop. Sidestepping a couple of baskets of oranges, you make it to the door and dash out. Heehyeon had drawn you a crude map to CJ E&M, and you’d been skeptical of it at first, but you realize now you would have gotten lost and missed the stage long before you got there if you had gone in blind. You’d make sure to thank her when you got back. If you did actually come back in one piece.
Heehyeon also hadn’t been joking; the line outside looks like it would fill a whole section of Jamsil. You’d heard of the dedication of some of these fans, but you’d never seen it like this, nor had you ever actually been a part of it. Kids were really up at three in the morning in support of NCT. Many of them are probably here specifically in support of Mark, you think. Sure enough, the people you line up behind are holding holographic slogans with the print “Mark-yah!” You swallow hard, trying not to regret your decision not to partake in that.
It feels like hours before you get even close to the door of the building. The chatter has died down a little, but not by much; even with less people ahead of you, the noise pollution increases in tandem with the excitement in the atmosphere. You’re not excited, though. You’re sick to your stomach, wishing you hadn’t come alone and wondering if you were going to regret this. Probably. Luckily, a couple of teenagers behind you strike up a casual conversation starting with “ah, it’s getting more humid now,” and you take turns complaining about what the weather would probably be like later on in the day before you start talking about NCT. They’re both Jaehyun fans, and you think about whether or not you remember meeting him in a past life. Nothing really rings a bell.
When you tell them you’re here for Mark, they giggle.
“We know,” they chime. “You’re wearing blue.”
“It’s his favorite color,” you say, a little defensively.
“Everyone knows that. Everyone here wearing that ocean blue is a Mark fan. Didn’t he say so once?” They dissolve into laughter again, but you say nothing. Maybe he had said that recently. Then again, his favorite color has always been blue — the color of the sky and the sea he seems to love so much.
The line grows shorter and shorter, and your ankles feel like they’re starting to swell. You’ve been standing for a good two hours now, and you regret not having bought one of those NCT membership cards that get you up to the front of the line. It’s really no surprise that you, the two Jaehyun fans, and the others in the line behind you are all squished in the back, just like Heehyeon had said you would be. It takes a good twenty minutes before the lights dim down and the stage lights start up, and you hear the buzz that increases in volume right before it becomes a collective deafening shriek from the crowd. The light sticks go up, and you’re momentarily blinded by the large stars that blink NCT in some weird logo form before you get your bearings again. By that time, the members have begun trooping onto the stage in a single file, and you forget your swollen ankles as you tiptoe and crane your head for a better view.
He’s there, your mind screams. He’s right there. You’ve got a whole crowd in front of you, but he’s right there.
The Jaehyun fans are losing their mind too; he’s talking, asking them how they found the album and encouraging them to keep supporting it. Typical idol stuff, you assume, but the fans go wild in an attempt to reassure him that they will. They all speak in a line, and you note Mark will be last. When the mic is handed over to him, the fans start screaming again. You feel like you want to yell as well, except you’re not sure if you’ll say something actually coherent that other people will hear. Instead, you tiptoe a little higher, fixing your pretty bad eyesight on his face and perking your ears up.
“You’re all here so early,” he starts. “How long have you been waiting for us?”
A flurry of numbers fly across the room. He smiles in this genuinely affectionate way even though his eyes can’t focus on a single person in the dark, and your heart stutters at the sight.
“Do your mothers know you’re here?” He’s teasing now. “You can’t tell them that NCT is the reason you’re not sleeping well, you know. Everyone, make sure that you eat breakfast and rest well before school today, okay?”
While the crowd screams in response, you let out a little whimper. It’s a weak, pathetic sound, but it essentially sums up how you feel, seeing him like this from so far away.
The pre-recording starts, but you barely catch anything. You’re too small for this kind of life, and you get so tired of tiptoeing that you actually do try to push your way through the crowd. Of course, this is fruitless, and you end up squatting by the back wall of the room, sipping on your water conservatively and listening to the Jaehyun fans do the chant religiously.
NCT performs the song two more times before they’re saying their goodbyes. You muster up the energy to stand again and make a beeline for the exit before everyone else can smash their way through. The sun is almost up now; beads of sweat form on the nape of your neck as you round the building, trying to find the indicated spot that Heehyeon had marked as the back exit of CJ E&M. You worry about how you’re in the wrong place for about ten minutes until you see the two Jaehyun fans turning the corner quickly, obviously with the same goal as you: to catch NCT as they leave the building.
In no time, the fans have gathered at the spot again, and it seems like they’ve multiplied tenfold; the chants are louder and there are girls with gigantic cameras trying to shove you away from the spot. Security from the company camps out in front of you, their gazes shifting from the door to the crowd and back again.
People around you roar the moment the doorknob turns. Nine of them file out, now in regular clothing, surrounded by their own security. You feel a surge of force behind you, trying to push forward, and someone’s camera lens hits you hard in the side of the face. You barely have time to cry out in surprise, caught in what would have been a scream of pain, when you see him.
In the growing light, Mark looks like a king. No — like a god, actually. Everything on his face shines even when minimal sunlight strikes it; his teeth help, too, brightening his face as his mouth hangs open in an easy laugh. He’s talking to Doyoung and has to face him, his sharp jawline being the first thing anyone can see from that perspective, and it’s that angle that creates all these alarms in your head.
For some reason, you’ve blocked out the noise around you. Even the pain from the camera lens attack isn’t bothering you as much anymore; you feel like you’re in an aquarium, and all the screams are on the other side of the glass. Your vision tunnels; all you can see is him.
You’d promised Heehyeon you wouldn’t do anything stupid. Again and again, she’d asked you and drilled you and reminded you that you weren’t supposed to do anything that would get you into trouble. Even with those promises you’d made, she’d still doubted you. Later, when you’d tell her this story, she’d roll her eyes and yell I told you so!, because, well, she did tell you. And, when you’d look at it in retrospect, you’d see that you should have listened.
Right now, though, you’re walking. Somehow, the camera lens that had attacked you had turned its gaze onto much more important targets; the guard stationed in front of you grunted in pain and reflexively retracted his hand after the lens made contact with it. It wasn’t a long movement, but it was enough for you to be pushed forward by the crowd. Enough to get your feet moving.
Other fans had stopped trying to break through; though many were still hysterical, most were trying to take pictures of the members as they climbed into the van. One by one, they were disappearing before your eyes. No, you thought to yourself. Your chest tightened. Somewhere in the back of your mind, you think that the noise behind you has gotten much louder. Not now. He hasn’t seen me yet. Not yet, please.
You don’t realize that your feet have picked up the pace, and you’ve broken into a short sprint before the building security could catch you. It’s too late; he can’t leave his post, and he only has to hope that NCT’s staff are well-equipped to fend off a running girl. They are, but they’re too busy helping the members that they’re caught unaware — just long enough for you to be within an arm’s reach of them.
Mark is almost in the van; he’s caught off-guard, too, and he doesn’t realize that something’s not right until you’re already there. Security grabs his arm and tries to tug him out of your reach and into the van at the same time that a strong hand grapples at the back of your shirt. Doyoung, who had been by Mark’s side, tries to use his arms to shield you from his friend when he realizes who you are targeting, yelling out something you can’t really understand.
It’s a ten-second long struggle of limbs in which you hear your own “Let go of me!” harmonize perfectly with Mark’s frantic “What the —?” Somehow, though, you’re able to fight through Doyoung’s arms and grip Mark’s wrist with a sweaty palm. The contact causes him to turn back reflexively, eyes wide in shock.
His eyes. God, please, won’t he recognize me? Your fingers close around his wrist a little more tightly. Your mouth is dry, and your throat is on fire. You’re wasting precious time. You only manage out a weak, “Please, Mark, it’s me,” before he’s twisting his wrist away. The arm that gripped your shirt moves to lock around your waist, and you’re hauled, empty-handed, away from the van. Awareness you’d lost slowly trickles back into you. The crowd isn’t screaming at the members now; they’re screaming at you. They’re angry. As you’re dragged away, you vaguely note that the Jaehyun fans you were with are fuming behind the security guards still keeping them in place.
The security guard that carried you off like a rag doll plants you in front of him, and he lets go of your waist but still keeps his grip tight around both your forearms, which have been twisted behind you. You have no choice but to watch from afar as the members drag Mark into the van, looks of concern etched across their faces. They ask him if he’s hurt, and he shakes his head. Right before the door closes, he quickly glances back at you. Your heart sinks for the second time today as you see something in his eyes you’d never seen before.
Fear. Mark is afraid of you.
#mark scenarios#mark x reader#mark lee x reader#mark x you#mark lee x you#mark imagines#mark imagine#mark scenario#mark drabbles#mark drabble#nct x you#nct x reader#nct dream x reader#nct 127 x reader#nct scenarios#nct imagines#nct scenario#nct imagine#nct 127 imagines#nct 127 drabbles#nct 127 scenarios#nct dream imagines#nct dream x you#nct 127 x you#nct dream drabbles#nct dream scenarios
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I stumbled upon the NSFW Alphabet with Bay!OP weeks ago and i saw your requests were open in your bio. 😳
Could you write one about Options being stressed out and being unable to stop groping the thighs of his human? Squeezing and groping his human like his little personal stress ball while or after doing paperwork (and maybe getting them all worked up with his worshipping.)
he/him masc (or transmasc) reader, please? it can be sfw, suggestive or nsfw 🫢🤭
Bayverse Optimus x masc!reader
Hey, Anon! Here's a little drabble for you, I can never resist Optimus's love for thighs. Thank you for reading my stuff and requesting!!
Pronouns for reader are he/him!
Warnings: Suggestive/NSFW, teasing, slight dom.
Word count: 553
When Optimus said he wanted you to accompany him while he does his paperwork, you knew those words had a deeper connotation. Resting against the wall of his private garage in the NEST base with you sprawled out on his lap, Optimus kept your legs spread wide with his own knees. One servo on your thigh and the other holding up a data pad.
Optimus tried his best to finish off the rest of his report, he really did, but he underestimated how much of a distraction you are to him and struggles to type out even the simplest of sentences. It also doesn’t help that his spike is painfully pressurised and squished between his abdominal plating and your back.
Despite being a major distraction, he came to enjoy utilising your thighs as a stress relief. Your thigh felt so soft against his contradictorily cold servo and he admires how your flesh concaves around his digits when he gives it a squeeze, enjoying your little whines as he does so.
“Optimus… please tell me you’re almost finished.” You managed to whimper out as Optimus gropes your thigh again. You’re not sure how much longer you can put up with his teasing and at this point in time your patience is dwindling. A solid two hours of you being a human stress ball was enough to get your core heated and turn your brain into mush.
“If you stop talking, I will finish quicker.” Optimus growls and gives your thigh another squeeze, his thumb rubbing oh so close to your inner groin.
“Well, if you keep rubbing me like that, I’ll be the one to finish first at this point.” You scoff, folding your arms across your chest.
Optimus narrowed his optics down onto you and swiftly removes his servo from your thigh. He’s not finishing at all if he talks to me like that, he thought with a sly smirk on his dermas.
The Prime was pleased when he heard his human whine at the loss of the servo. The only way to teach you patience is denying you of any touch until you begged for him, and Optimus fucking loves it.
“Sorry! Sorry…” You mewl, reaching a shaky hand towards his servo that’s hovering above your thigh, “Please… I’ll be patient.”
Optimus is satisfied at your apology and returns his servo back to its rightful place on your thigh, continuing to grope and squeeze at your flesh while he returns his attention to finishing of his paperwork.
Another half hour had passed, Optimus had just finished his work and you were an absolute mess. Your body felt like it was on fire, and you desperately needed a release. You tilted your head up to look at him in his optics, begging with your eyes for him to fuck you, for anything.
Thankfully, he nodded, moving his servo to the hem of your pants and slips his digits under. He spreads your thighs apart to allow himself more access to your aching heat. You let out a cry as he finally strokes you, relieving the tenson in your stomach that has been building up for the last three hours.
Optimus leans down and whispers in your ear, experienced digits touching you in the most delightful way, “Patient boys are good boys, don’t you agree?”
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omg askbox is open again ^_^ as your local childe lover i would like just. anything with smut with him & childhood friend fem reader !!
- mielle
Childe x fem!reader. Smut.
a/n: Hello! Thank you for being patient. Anyways, I love writing Childe. He makes my brain go brrrrrr like Scara does lol. Here is the pitch and I hope you enjoy. Tagging @kichikichiko @xxventiswindblumexx
You had grown up together with Childe. You even travelled with him when he did stuff for the Fatui. He wanted it that way. He knew he was strong enough to always protect you, and you were more than happy to follow him.
Childe knew you had feelings for him, and he had feelings for you as well. He'd made it more than clear that he had feelings for you, but he has never opened the window to making anything official.
And that was purely because he likes seeing you get flustered if he sweet talked you. Who could blame him wanting to enjoy that as much as he possibly could?
But now he was getting impatient.
Childe was ready to stop playing this game with you.
Sparring was like foreplay to Childe. Having sparring matches with you was one of his favorite things to do with you.
You were so strong and used to way the moved. You never gave him an inch. The more you evaded, the more turned on he became. He also loves sweet talking you just to see you get flustered and make some kind of mistake, and give him a opening.
And today, Childe was laying on his charm extra think.
"Your hips had some extra sway that time. It was a nice view for me," he chuckled, watching you fumble a bit.
"Childe, please, you are making it hard to me to concentrate," you stammered, dancing away at the last minute from his grabby hands.
"What's wrong, girlie? You had so much pep in your step before. Does hearing my voice make you that flustered?" He countered, taunting you just to see you blush.
Your eyes widened when his bow dematerialized. "What's wrong? Are you tired? Our sparring matches usually last longer than this. I didn't hurt you on accident, did I? There isn't even a clear winner," you said, immediately concerned. But you were also suspicious. In a good way. In a way that made your heart pound.
Childe never dematerialized his weapon randomly. That showed how much he trusted you.
He continued to walk towards you. "Oh, but I already am the winner. I'm about to take the spar winning point."
"What do you mean?" You asked, starting to back up.
"The final point to be scored is you. I didn't think you were that dense. But it's cute, I like it."
"Do you even hear yourself, right now. You can't be being serious." You could barely hear yourself talk over the sound of your heart thudding in your chest.
"You were so disappointed when we stopped sparring. I am starting to think you want me to sweet talk to you when we spar." He came closer.
You could do nothing but stare at him, flabbergasted. You were already starting to feel wet when you were sparring with him. But now you felt wetter.
"You can barely hold it together." Childe came closer still.
You felt your back hit the wall.
"Gotcha, now you are all mine, girlie. I hope you are ready. Are you ready for me to fuck you like you always fantasized about?" Childe caged you against the wall with his hands on either side of her head.
Your cheeks had never felt so flushed. "How did you know I did that?" You asked, feeling breathless that he was this close to you in an intimate way.
"How could I not? I hear you when you think I am asleep and not around. I hear you every time. And I love the skirt are wearing by the way. It's always been my favorite one. You wore it for me didn't you?" Childe practically purred, pushing your skirt up.
Your body quivered with anticipation. "I thought you would like it," you said, butterflies fluttering through your stomach when you finally could bring your eyes to meet his.
Childe squeezed your thigh and pushed your panties aside. He was always one cut right to the case. You moaned when he pushed two fingers inside of you.
"You are already so wet for me," Childe marveled, hooking his fingers. "I don't even have to prepare you much."
You shook your head, moving your hips into his fingers. "Please Childe, just fuck me." You pleaded, squirming against him.
"Like I was ever going to deny you that," Childe boasted. You helped him peel your panties off.
He chuckled when you helped him take his cock out of his pants. "So needy, but I like that." Groping one of your breasts, he lifted you with to wrap your legs around him.
You gasped in pleasure when he pushed his cock inside of you all at once, hitting your sweet spot instantly. Your legs tightened around him, making him groan.
Childe drove himself home relentlessly, making a bulge appear in your stomach. He stared, transfixed at it while he admired how his cock pumped in and out of you.
Each thrust made you moan louder than the last time. Childe feed off of that, determined to make you cum stronger than you ever had before he claimed you.
More less, he was fucking you up the wall.
When he felt your walls start clamping around his cock, he kissed you, his tongue domineering in your mouth.
When he felt your release soaking his cock, your curling and writhing in pleasure, Childe opted to pull out instead, cumming in your skirt and your thighs. Another show of dominance.
You clung to him, panting in time with him. He nuzzled your neck before he set you down. "Don't worry, my girlie. I'll be sure to drag out the foreplay next time until you beg me to fuck you."
#genshin impact#genshin smut#fem!reader#genshin imagines#childe#childe smut#childe x reader#childe x y/n#childe x you
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Hiii I love your works and keep up the good work!!!
This is my first time requesting something XD
I wanna request Ryusui from Dr.stone with the prompt "dancing in the rain"? Like- they are wrapped in each other's arms dancing together with no care in the world? ❤️❤️
I would be really pleased if you do this thank youu🫶🫶
Hello!
Thank you so much! You did great at requesting! it is an honor to write your first one!
I hope you enjoy this one as well my dear! please let me know what you think!
I may or may not have exaggerated a bit. i changed it a bit, just a little bit.
Tsuki's note: i am not a manga reader so this may be coming out of nowhere on the timeline. Also, reader fixes things beacuse yes, imagine you are learning with Kaseki here. i am an engineer and i like to fix things. I projected a bit, just for the sake of plot.
Tsuki's note: i really love ryusui and i feel like i won't make him justice.... *sigh* lets see how it goes...
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You were finishing a few touches in the perseus. Usually the one who did this was Kaseki, but he was busy with helping Senku with another insane project, so you took it upon yourself to finish the boat's maintenance.
Anytime you were at it, it wasn't uncommon at all to have Ryusui walking around the boat. You always took it as him being patient with wanting to sail again or just checking on your work - how it was compared to Kaseki, maybe.
But you paid him no mind. At times you would also see Francois, and they usually had something for you - some water, some cookies, something.
This time around, he was actually helping with something - Ryusui was carrying around some supply boxes, it wasn't like Taiju and Tsukasa weren't around, so you guessed he young master just felt like doing something.
The wheater was getting bad very fast. You usually got everything in a dry spot and continued later, but you were so close to being done! just a little bit! You heard Ryusui asking you to collect everything - the sky was turning darker and darker. You asked him for a few minutes, quick stuff.
Just then, it started to rain. A few droplets here and there, no big deal! You can finish this! just gotta be careful. A sigh left your lips when you noticed you needed something that wasn't around you - probably forgot to grab this tool.
So you went back inside the ship, where Kaseki usually kept the tools to fetch the one you needed. You spotted it rather quickly and as you were walking back to last bit of task, you heard a very familiar booming voice from behind you:
Ryusui: Y/N? You are drenched!
You laugh and turned around to see Ryusui staring at you.
Y/N: Well... yeah, its raining a little bit.
Ryusui: C'mon, I will have Francois fetch you some dry clothes.
Y/N: oh, just a moment, i am almost done.
As soon as you said that, you saw a glimpse of a confusion on his face:
Ryusui: But the rain is going to pick up soon, you sho-
Y/N: Yeah, I am not made of sugar, I won't melt! How about you?
You smiled at him and walked away.
You didn't hear Ryusui coming after you, so you just went back to what you were doing. By the time you were finally done, a down pour started. You could barely see in front of you.
You sighed happily - you were done! drenched but done!The rain really muffled most noises, as you didn't hear footsteps approaching you. No, you only felt a hand on your shoulder - a hand with blue marks:
Ryusui: Y/N!
You jumped. You got scared for dear life. You turned around kinda pissed at him for scaring you like that! with a hand on you chest, you felt your heart stop and restart:
Y/N: Don't do that!
Ryusui: Ah... Sorry. I called for you but you didn't answer.
Oh. You probably didn't hear him - thats how strong rain was:
Y/N: Oh... Look at that, you didn't melt!
You could see Ryusui was a bit annoyed by your comment. But he just grinned, that cocky grin that always came with the finger snapping:
Ryusui: Aha! This rain is nothing for a sailor! I was worried about this beautiful person walking alone on this heavy rain!
He motioned his hand towards you. You just blinked. He was so damn ridiculous at times, but you cannot lie you loved it.
Y/N: Ah... Thanks, i guess?
Ryusui: Let's go back inside, Y/N.
He offered his hand to you. You couldn't help but be snarky one last time as you automatically placed your hand in his:
Y/N: For someone used to water you sure run away fast from it.
Ryusui looked at you and smiled. With swift movement, he had you in his arms terribly close to him:
Ryusui: Aha! I am not running!
You felt your face burn. so close. you were feeling a mix between pushing him away and walking off or just try to find a hole then and there.
You ended up choosing to push him away or try to. Because he still had a hold of your hand, and pulled back again. You started to get a little mad and before you could give a light punch to his chest, he spun you around and caught your other hand:
Ryusui: Haha! A little rain doesn't scare me, specially when i am accompanied by such a beautiful person.
You were completely stunned. You felt your face burn even more, no words left your lips. What was he talking about? Why was he so charming?
You felt like this staring moment lasted forever. But while you were in that daze - that was actually really short - Ryusui continued talking to you:
Ryusui: Say, Y/N, what would you-
Another booming voice came from somewhere in the ship, this voice:
Taiju: Y/N! Ryusui! Where are you?
That made you both look in the direction of the voice, but you couldn't really see because of the rain. But you took this chance to push Ryusui, grab his hand and yell back at Taiju:
Y/N: Yeah! We are going back!
Ryusui was a bit surprised, he did not expect you to hold his hand and drag him along. Not when you were picking on him for not staying in the rain.
He couldn't help but smile. You were adorable! He allowed you to drag him back for shelter. Upon getting inside the ship, you were greeted by towels - a courtesy from Francois.
You grabbed your towel and quickly walked away, not daring to look around. You could hear a worried Taiju following asking if you were cold or something, perhaps a fever? your cheeks were colored.
In reality you just wanted to walk away from Ryusui. He can be stupidly charming, meanwhile you were swearing to Taiju were ok, not a fever, not a cold. you were ok.
Ryusui who was left standing with Francois smiled, while watching you walk away:
Francois: Ryusui - sama, did something happen?
The man snapped his fingers before answering:
Ryusui: Just a little waltz on the rain!
Francois smiled slightly and nodded. Ryusui couldn't help but wish he had a little more time with you outside. just a little bit more. After all he loved seeing your embarrassed face, it suited so well this time. He would never deny how much he loved when you got so shy around him, it was so cute!
Perhaps next time, you could actually dance in the rain together?
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Thank you for reading!
Let me know what you think!
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Mental Health AU! Yandere! Attack on Titan x Female Reader
Chapter 7- Meeting Reiner
Warning: Reiner is kinda a perv so if you don’t enjoy that type of stuff then you can skip this this chapter but if there are any Erwin simps you might wanna read it.
Walking down the hallway, Y/N looked into her file (that Hange handed her) to see her next patients name. Reiner Braun. Opening the door, Erwin had suddenly arrived.
“Y/N, sorry I’m late. I ran into a little problem during break.” Erwin explained before turning to Hange. “Sorry to bother you Hange, you can leave now.”
”It’s nothing Erwin, besides I got to properly talk to Y/N!” Hange replied. “I’ll see you later then. Bye Y/N!”
Y/N waved goodbye and turned to walk into the room only to be stopped by Erwin. She looked at him confused.
”What’s wrong, Sir?” Y/N asked concerned.
”This patient is quite.. dangerous. His figure is quite taller than you so i think it’s best if I come in with you.” Erwin said calmly.
”I looked into his file and read his description. It’s all fine, sir. I think I can handle it but thank you.” Y/N explained before smiling warmly at him.
“Yeah.” A deep voice called out. “Leave the pretty girl with me Erwin.”
Y/N looked back to see Reiner, who had been handcuffed and sat at his desk which was in the middle of the small room just like Levi’s.
“I’ll be waiting outside then.. be careful Y/N.” Erwin said.
Walking in, Y/N sat opposite of Reiner to see him smirking and looking up and down at her.
”Reiner. I’m Y/N L/N and I’ll be your permanent doctor. Since it’s our first time meeting I’d like to get to know you. Tell me anything like your hobbies, family or friends.” Y/N said as she covered herself.
”God your so innocent, y’know that?” Reiner playfully asked.
”I’d like to get to know you so please refrain from commenting about me.” Y/N said sternly yet continued to smile.
”You wanna know more about me? Alright.” Reiner said before smirking mischievously and leaning forward towards Y/N.
”I like my woman like you. Pretty, innocent yet daring, beautiful and gorgeous!~” he said before leaning back and letting out a small moan.
”I’ll be taking my leave now. I really thought I could've gotten to know you.” Y/N said getting up and hiding her face to prevent showing the pink tint spread across her face.
Walking forward, Y/N heard Reiner humming and turned around to see him placing his hand under the table. He was soothing something and let out more moans.
“God you have a great ass y’know?” Reiner slurred out.
Y/N turned around to face him and covered her rear end in embarrassment. Her face was covered in even more pink tint than before. She walked over to him and leaned over the desk with a stern look.
”R-Reiner. If you don’t stop this I’ll leave.” Y/N said. “I mean it!”
He looked at Y/N’s chest and moaned before she quickly stepped back and covered her chest.
”Thats a shame. I couldn’t wait to get outta here and take us to a nice house, gotten married, have ya carry my kids sooner or later and how everyone would hear you scream my name or moan as my dick would-“
”Gaah! Stop it!” Y/N said quickly dashing out the door, cheeks red only to bump into Erwin’s chest. He quickly helped her stand properly and realised what had happened.
”Y/N, you can get to lunch now.. wouldn’t want to be late now would you?” Erwin asked.
”R-right.” Y/N said before rushing off.
Erwin walked in to see Reiner in daze until he turned to look at the Doctor and back at the ceiling.
”Hey Eyebrows. Did you see that pretty girl run out?” Reiner said before sitting up.
“What about her?” Erwin grumbled while gritting his teeth.
”Agh!~ I plan on marrying her. God she’s just so-“ Reiner began to say.
”Beautiful?” Erwin interrupted.
Reiner turned to look at him confused but soon realised and smirked at the tall man.
“How’d you know what I was gonna say? Ya like her as well?” Reiner asked playfully.
Erwin made his way to Reiner and slammed his hands on the table and leaned forward to look at Reiner in anger, not scaring the patient in the slightest.
”So what if I do? Sure you’re tall, muscular and handsome but you’re stupid. You couldn’t get to her if you even tried because your locked up.” Erwin said.
Reiners mood shifted to annoyed and glared at Erwin deeply.
”And look at me. I’m rich, successful and I have a big house to keep her in. You have nothing.” Erwin stated before leaving and closing the door.
No one would get in Reiners way. No one. He just had to have her, in that nice house, as his housewife and mother of the children they would soon have. Yes. She would be his wife-to-be.
#aot x y/n#yandere jean kirstein#yandere erwin smith#attack on titan x reader#yandere aot#yandere aot x reader#yandere erwin#yandere jean#yandere levi#yandere levi ackerman#yandere reiner#yandere shingeki no kyojin#yandere x reader#yandere eren yeager#yandere armin#yandere connie springer#yandere bertolt#ymir#christa lenz#sasha braus
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Hello! I just wanna say thank you for providing info and updates about our beloved divas of late Kalafina until now. It's just sad that there aren't many people who know their endeavors after Kalafina. Even a part of Madoka Magica fandom guessed Wakana is just missing since she didn't (and couldn't) join Kajiura's recent tour, unlike Hikaru.
Hello there lovely anon! Sorry for the late reply. I am finally back from Japan and slowly working through my inbox. It's gonna take a while until I am done with everything so everyone, please be patient with me🙏
You are absolutely right. Most fans have no idea what's going on these days. I am continuously surprised by how utterly uninvolved so many of them are, even the ones who claim to be longtime dedicated fans. Every time I get a question about Wakana's situation I cannot help but wonder if that person has been living under a rock for the past five years...But yeah, I guess not everyone is as invested as little old me XD
And yes, it is a shame that only few fans are interested in their solo work. To some extent it's understandable of course. We like what we like and their solo stuff is considerably different to what we are used to from Yuki Kajiura and Kalafina but nonetheless, I feel an inherent desire to support them. I will openly admit that I am not as passionate about most of their solo releases but I still enjoy enough of it to keep me invested, at least for the time being. Sometimes I will have these phases where I think that I am slowly falling out of love with them but my most recent live experiences have once again shown me that I am still 100% smitten with my girls. Their performances continue to blow me away. They have my heart💗
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I guess I'm doing more of that self insert
I have to thank @yawnderu's König character study post and @wordstome for their Königcore bible post and of course oh and @ghouljams for their König as well... there are too many cod dearies who helped me create this idea of him
But the part that really inspired me was this
so yeah enjoy
My clothes were nice and warm still. I still blamed Ghost for me forgetting what I was going to program but honestly it wasn't really important just stuff they gave me to keep me busy... enrichment really. I could look at the news and internet and my chats from my phone, when they weren't busy data scraping it, but I couldn't interact at all. I was in the kitchen making myself some hot chocolate to ignore the fact that I missed my baby and yet he had mommy right there with him.
I took the mug of now warm milk out of the microwave, I wasn't going to fuck up the militarily British men's kettles by heating up milk in them for some hot chocolate. I crouched down in front of the fridge trying to find the whipped cream I keep in there for my hot chocolate. I perk up when I hear it and smile at the massive man putting it down having taken some to eat as well as put on my hot chocolate. "Thanks Hans."
It embarrassingly took me a very long time to figure out Hans was König... I should have seen it coming really. I mean who else is nearly 7 feet tall? and speaks German... in my defense I have been very out of sorts. He plucks down the mini marshmallows for me... my 5'3 height as last time he caught me trying to go at them I had climbed up on the counter and just looked like a dog that had something in their mouth that they weren't suppose to have. In reality I just was embaressed I was climbing onto the countertop like a child.
"Koboldchen tell me about your day and what you need done." I hear him say as I sip my drink and sit down... and well prattle to him.
König was so helpful it hurt. I wasn't use to living on my own... I never had and I never could... I knew that long before I graduated high school or college. Luckily everything was usually automated and could just be taken out of my account but I still struggled so hard. König reminded me of how my husband would just patiently help me. He didn't mind my weird quirks... he let my fidgiting hands move over his calloused ones just letting me get some sort of stimulating satsifaction.
There was also something else that hurt so much... it hurt with Johnny and it hurt with Hans... just how blue their eyes were. It was like he was still right there ready to pick me back up and laugh at me for this dream. To tell me I've obsessed a bit too much and that it's time to focus on something else. Though I was jealous at how lovely the red in his hair looked but I continued to talk.
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König could tell she was spiraling hard around a drain... Price had informed him of what was going on and the possibility of getting in on the ground floor if things followed suit about Ukraine. But, lucky for his Koboldchen... he was there. He wouldn't lie that he took a strong fondness to her after helping her when he found her hiding between buildings clawing at her skull and unresponsive to his voice and touch. He remembers helping her while someone went to find Ghost as she remained non verbal and he just talked.
She was a helpless thing and she knew it and embraced what she was good at to stave off the way her figurative plane was still crash landing... limping in its descent. And he knew why... he saw what was on her phone. I would kill for you. The message had popped up while they were discussing... and he watched the intimate text exchange like an unwilling voyeur But please make sure I never get the chance to. I'm scared I might be too proud about it. She was madly and obsessivly in love with a man she could not chase after anymore. And it was eating her alive. The love of her life was right there yet so far out of her reach.
For König he doesn't remember when he fell for the weird little creature just playing with his hand. Was it when she just chirped out 'Numa Numa' with Soap and Ghost... oh she loved to sing songs that the three early thirty year olds knew... like a joke that he knew about but was just a little too old to have been part of the same culture. Was it when she just asked him to crush her in a hug to ground her, to hold her so tightly she bruised but the way she sighed in his ear as the anxiety left her eyes. Or was it at first sight just seeing her a helpless sad thing that when Ghost had come to collect her she clung to him like a wounded animal.
Hans was okay not being the love of her life... he was okay with playing second fiddle to a man he knew nothing about except the passionate and near constant texting and speaking... pictures... videos... a life that has her eyes glittering with devotion to a man who he didn't know. As long as he could be by her Hans was fine as she allowed him to be close... to touch. She was like a dog recently left at the shelter confused but wanting those pets and comforts she was so use to.
"Do you want me to come by and make you dinner or is Ghost doing that tonight?" He asked softly knowing full well Ghost and Soap hovered around her as much as they could.
"He's gone for awhile. Yes. I don't want to be alone." She said putting her forehead on the table and just moved his hand to her scalp where he gently scratched.
"Of course Kobold." He said scratching the top of her head humming softly.
Oh yes he had been a voyeur of her texts but he was a snoop heading onto websites she said not to and seeing things he wasn't expecting really... but he was pleased to know that he fit into a definition of something she liked.
#cod#cod mw2#konig#König#könig cod#cod x oc#König x oc#OC#I realized why I latched onto these 3#Ghost Soap and König each have an aspect of my husband#coping#coping fic#I might rework these to be more of x reader or less first person cringe#slight yandere konig#slight obsessive konig
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