#RWBY Shitpost
Note
It is Pyrrha's Birthday. When Jaune asks her what she wants and he says anything, what does she ask for?
All her friends are there too!
#rwby#rwby shitpost#jaune arc#pyrrha nikos#arkos#ruby rose#yang xiao long#nora valkyrie#lie ren#blake belladonna#team jnpr#happy birthday pyrrha#velvet scarlatina
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Garnet: Daaaaad, why can't I date, Pyrrah Valkyrie?
Jaune: Okay, this is you. *places a pretzle on the table*
Garnet: O-okay?
Jaune: And this is Pyrrah. *smashes the prezle repeatedly with a hammer*
Garnet:
Garnet: That's actually kinda hot.
Jaune: NOOOOOOOO!
#Rwby lancaster#rwby lancaster#jaune arc#rwby#lancaster rwby#lancaster#rwby shitpost#jaune x ruby#ruby x jaune#rwbabies#nora valkyrie#renora
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Jaune: *Dressed up like the rusted knight at a fair*
Lawyer: We need you to shut this whole thing down.
Jaune: Why?
Lawyer: The use of any of The Girl Who Fell Through the World's characters is a violation of the Generic Publishing Company's copyright.
Jaune: ...It's to help raise money to rebuild Mantle.
Lawyer: And we'll take you for all the Lien we can if you don't cease your activities.
Jaune: DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM!?
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Weiss: What are you two doing?
Jaune: Me and Rube are doing stuff with Pyr.
Ruby: And Pyr very much like doing it real well~
Pyrrha whole face was hot red as she wore a t-shirt that said “I am stuff”.
Pyrrha: I am sorry!
Weiss:…
#my post#rwby#rwby shitpost#rwby gilded rose#rwby lancaster#rwby milk and cereal#gilded rose#lancaster#milk and cereal#jaune arc#weiss schnee#ruby rose#pyrrha nikos#shipping post#shipping shitpost#shipping#shitpost#dumb shit
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White Knight EndGame be like:
Weiss would be lying on the bed blushing with bite marks on her body and with messy hair looking towards Jaune with a smile on her face and an expression of pleasure.
Weiss: Last night you were... Unhinged, You were like some desperate, Howling demon! You frightened me...
Jaune would be listening to that with a flushed face as he held two plates of breakfast for both of them, She would look at him now with a mischievous expression on her face.
Weiss: Do it again tonight~
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Jaune and Nicholas were fishing until Nicholas would catch a huge fish and Jaune would pull out the camera and he would have a big smile on his face.
Jaune: Alright now, Let's see. Look at the camera and say ''I got that fish!''
Nicholas: I got that muther fucking fish!!
Jaune laughed at what his son was saying but another thought came to his mind ''I'm going to kill Yang for teaching him to say that''
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Weiss and Ruby would be together drinking coffee until a thought came into Ruby's head and then she would turn to Weiss and ask.
Ruby: Hey what do you do when jaune comes back from a stressful day at work?
Weiss: Oh that's almost no problem I discovered the perfect way to calm and relax him
Ruby: So, what you do?
The scene would cut to Jaune lying in bed with a smile on his face and around him there would be several plush sea animals.
Jaune: That's life~
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*In the Final Battle*
Salem: IMMEDIATE TESTICULAR TORSION!
Yang: *Falls to the ground, clutching her groin* GAAAHH! FUCKFUCKFUCK
Jaune: ...
Jaune: You know, I'm pretty comfortable in my body, but for once I'm happy I'm not cis-
Salem: Instantaneous Period!
Jaune: *Also falls, Clutching his stomach* GODS MOTHERFUCKING DAMMIT-
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something about weiss continuously being so tired of blake and yang dancing around their feelings and refusing to ever communicate makes me laugh so hard.
she was genuinely so done with them it's so funny
like this girl was STRUGGLING; she was calling them both out on their gay bullshit and there was no one more relieved than she was when they got together.
actually, wait i think it's funnier to believe that she's initially relieved like 'oh thank god this is finally over' and then it just dawns on her that now that they've worked through their feelings and are officially together, she's just in for more gay bs.
#rwby#rwby volume 7#ruby rose#weiss schnee#blake belladonna#yang xiao long#bumbleby#rwby bumbleby#rwby shitpost#weiss schnee deserves financial recompensation#girl is TIRED#she's dealt with this for too long now#also#i do hc her as like a useless lesbian#so i think it just makes the situation funnier#that she's over here judging blake and yang wholeheartedly yk#always being like oh my god why can't they just get together already#and then there's her and ruby in the corner like#love her sm honestly
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One rare lazy day in Vacuo
Yang: *Bored out of her skull, reading a "Teen" magazine*
Weiss: *Enjoying her simple healthy breakfast salad*
Ruby: *Enjoying her not-so-healthy breakfast cereal*
Blake: *Catching up on her "literature"*
Yang: *Perks up on reading a topic* "Just how gay are you and your partner? Take this simple test and find out!"
Weiss: Please no, I just want to finish breakfast.
Yang: *Ignoring her, turning to Blake* Wanna take this test with me, Blakey?
Blake: *Closing her book, raising a skeptical eyebrow* You do know we have no need for such a test, right?
Yang: We don't?
Blake: We don't. And I can prove it. *Puts away her book and stands up* Stand up.
Yang: *Already standing, curious* Okay...
Blake: *Walks over, standing close to Yang, their height difference evident as she looks up at the blonde* Now, on your knees.
Yang: *Wide-eyed in shock* Uhm, wha-what?!
Blake: *Touches Yang's jawline* On. Your. Knees.
Yang: *Knees buckle, thudding on the floor* Okay...
Blake: *Now looking down at the blonde, eyes bright in delight and with a wicked grin* And that, my dear girl, that is how gay you are. Understood?
Yang: *In need of clean underwear* Yes, ma'am.
~~~~~~~~~~
Weiss: *In despair as she holds her hands in her head* I just want one, ONE, simple morning without my breakfast being ruined.
Ruby: *Still shoveling her cereal* Meh, I'm over it.
Weiss: Ugh... I should go join JNPER (Jaune, Nora, Oscar, Emerald, Ren). Surely they're... normal compared to whatever these two are doing all day.
Ruby: Probably best if you didn't.
Weiss: Pray tell, why?
Ruby: Oscar, and by extension Ozpin, is mostly busy with Theodore and other high-ranking huntsfolk for whatever business is most pressing but the rest... *Slightly cringes as she weighs whether or not she should tell*
Weiss: Ruby. Tell. Me!
Ruby: *Sighs, shrugs and spills the proverbial beans* They're probably banging right about now.
Weiss: ...
Ruby: Yeah... after our return from the Ever After there was this whole thing where Ren and Nora wanted- Needed more like- to reconnect and reconcile with Jaune. Emerald was just desperate looking for a place to belong. Anyway, long story short, they're likely banging right now.
Weiss: *Thudding her head on the table* My fucking friend group is a Gods damned mess!
Ruby: I'm still traumatized from walking in on them, but you don't hear me complain. Nora's way more flexible than you'd expect.
Weiss: *Whinging into the table surface* UUUUUGH...
#rwby#rwby shitpost#yang xiao long#weiss schnee#ruby rose#blake belladonna#bumbleby#jaune arc#lie ren#nora valkyrie#emerald sustrai#poly shenanigans
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Jaune Finally Snapped...
Now, Finally at what seems to be the final moments of the world. Two figures stands in stark opposition to each other's. One is an all powerful malevolence witch that goes by the name of Salem, while the others is merely a humble knight named Jaune Arc. Armed with his trusty sword and shield, Jaune must now face off against the witch for the fate of the world.
*one epic fight scene later*
Salem: Ahhh!!!!
Well done. You may have defeated me hero, but you forget that I am immortal and I can't be killed. Nya, ha, ha, ha, ha....
*lop Salem limbs's off*
Gyahhh!!!!
What the fuck is the matter with you?! You already defeated me.
Jaune: I might not be able to finish you for good. But I can stop you from hurting anyone else.
Salem: Nye, he, he. But you forget hero my body can simply regenerate...
*starts to slowly regenerate*
Jaune: Which is why at the start of each day I'll cut off your limbs again.
Salem: Uhmmm....
Jaune: And I uh... I'll sharpen a pole. Stick it up inside you out through your mouth...
*starts sharpening pole*
And wear you on my back. Wriggling trophy for all to see...
Salem: What the fuck dude?!
You're a monster!
Meanwhile
Weiss: S-should we stop him?
Blake: Why? I mean we can't destroy Salem so we might as well do everything possible to stop her.
Yang: ... Is it wrong that I find this kinda hot?
Ruby: take a number Sis. I'mma gonna tap that ass first!
So Salem can't be destroyed, eh? Good to know, good to know...
I don't understand why team RWBY got so upset hearing that Salem can't be killed.
I'll just go full Yuji and see where things go from there.
#rwby#jaune arc#ruby rose#lancaster#lancaster rwby#jaune x ruby#ruby x jaune#rwby lancaster#yang xiao long#weiss schnee#blake belladonna#jaune x yang#yang x jaune#dragonslayer rwby#dragonslayer#rwby dragonslayer#salem rwby#yuji itadori#rwby shitpost#dungeon soup#this is canon
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The taste of a dusty Knight is...
In the cafeteria, Jaune Arc is sitting with his friends and S/O (of your choosing) until he blurts out this:
Jaune: I wonder what I taste like?
What does your ship for Jaune say in response or what action do they take after hearing this?
And for shits n' giggles, here's some of my ships and their response.
______________________________________________________________
Nora's Arc
Nora: I can help with that~!
Jaune: Uhm, how?
Nora proceeds to slowly raise a gallon size bottle of maple syrup as she licks her lips, staring at Jaune hungrily.
Jaune: N-Nora...?
______________________________________________________________
Lancaster
Ruby proceeds to turn Jaune's head towards her and give him one long kiss, before releasing him from her grasp.
Jaune: visibly flustered and spechless
Ruby, licking her lips: You taste good, just not as good as cookies.
Jaune: ...Wanna see if that'll change.
Ruby: Hmm, gladly.
______________________________________________________________
Arkos (plus Dragonslayer)
Pyrrha: O-Oh... I mean if you wish to know so badly, I could-
Before Pyrrha could finish her sentence, Yang swoops in and kisses Jaune heavily before pulling away and licking her lips.
Yang: Ironically, not like vomit. Maybe I'll go in for seconds~
Pyrrha however pushes Yang away and kisses a now stunned Jaune for longer, slowly pulling away as she had the same stunned look.
Yang: Wow Py, didn't know you had it in you! Pyrrha?
Pyrrha: ...so this is heaven.
Jaune: U-Uhm, so how do I taste?
Yang: Like a dream
Pyrrha: Like I want to have more of you
Jaune: What was that Pyrrha?
Pyrrha: NOTHING!
______________________________________________________________
Now since those are done, write away on how your ship would react!
#rwby#rwby shitpost#jaune arc#ruby rose#nora valkyrie#pyrrha nikos#yang xiao long#arkos#nora's arc#rwby lancaster#lancaster#dragonslayer
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Ruby: Take a good look at my spartan angel new tattoo on her ass~!
Jaune: Tada!
Jaune turned his startled girlfriend and flipped her skirt up and her underwear down to reveal her tattoo to their individual teammates.
Weiss: How shameless!
Blake: Nice~
Yang: *heartbroken* Ruby used to like Saturday morning cartoons….
Nora: *smirk* To think that we thought you were the wholesome one in our group….
Ren: I owe Nora 500 lien now thanks to you.
Pyrrha face was red in shame as she looked down at the ground as she tried to covered her new tattoo “Invincibutt” on her asscheeks while her two lovers were standing on each side of her.
Pyrrha: S-sorry!
#my post#rwby#rwby smut#rwby shitpost#team rwby#team jnpr#rwby arkos#rwby milk and cereal#rwby gilded rose#rwby lancaster#lancaster#gilded rose#milk and cereal#original male stud au#shipping#shipping post#Invincibutt#weiss schnee#blake belladonna#yang xiao long#ruby rose#nora valkyrie#ren lie#jaune arc
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Weiss: 'Being flatter than a board' is NOT valid grounds for irreconcilable differences-
Jaune: Smile! *Camera flash*
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Ruby: *lazily eating cereal*
Blake: You just look dead.
Weiss: Maybe some coffee will perk you up. *pours Ruby some coffee*
Ruby: Can't have coffee. Not allowed.
Weiss: *rolls eyes* Oh, what? Is your Daddy gonna be mad~?
Ruby: No, I mean legally. *pulls out scroll and shows legal document*
Weiss/Blake: ?!?!
Blake: This can't be real.
Weiss: *reading over the document* No, this all checks out. According to this, she's not allowed any more than 1ml of caffeinated beverages.
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Weiss: Are you sure we aren't going to get lost?
Jaune: Don't worry, I know this trail like I know Ruby's back.
RWBY: ...
Yang: What do you mean by that, Jaune?
Jaune: Umm.
Yang: ANSWER ME!
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“Talk shit about my boyfriend and girlfriend again and I will shove this pole so far up in your ass that you will be tasting your own shit for one month straight.”
Pyrrha Nikos to toxic entitiled fan after he/she insulted her two lovers
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Neo: 'Have you been talking to my boyfriend?'
Jaune waves in the background.
Yang: I haven't been talking to your boyfriend...
Neo: ...
Yang: Your boyfriend been talking to me!
Neo: 'Excuse me!? Why would he be talking to you? You look like a mess! '
Yang: And you look like you're balding with that missing hairline!
Jaune looks on nervously.
Jaune stares blankly out into space.
Jaune: All i did was ask Yang for a pencil...
Neo: The only thing missing is 'your mom', and that is why you're such a homewrecker!
Jaune: Well, that will do it.
Yang: *enraged* hiyah!
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