#rwby shitpost
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RWBY+J: *Looking at some guns at the Beacon firing range*
Jaune: What's that one?
Ruby: That's a single action army. The gun the won the south.
Jaune: Cool.
Yang: What's with you and liking old weapons?
Jaune: I just like that classics, and one of my uncles uses pistols like these. Well, not that exact one but, the same type?
Ruby: Revolvers?
Jaune: Yeah. He even showed me a few cool tricks.
Yang: Then show us, Vomit Boy.
Weiss: Arc with a gun, are you sure that's a good idea?
Blake: Couldn't be any worse that you with Crescent Rose.
Weiss: We agreed to never bring that up again.
Jaune: Oh don't worry, *Picks up revolver* I'm pretty good.
Jaune: *Proceeds to do some Doc Holliday/Revolver Ocelot level of unnecessary spinning before nailing six targets*
RWBY: ...
Jaune: See? I'm not as good as my Uncle though.
Yang: You don't even know what you just did.
Jaune: Wha-
Ruby: GIVE ME BABIES NOW!
Jaune: Wow!
WBY: *Trying to hold Ruby down*
Ruby: MUST BREED!
Weiss: Run, you fool!
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Yang: *Standing up from a pile of Rubble* The Bellabooty is soft and Supple! Absolute Ass perfection!
Pyrrha: *readying next attack* The Arc Ass is solid stone! Tight and Hard, capable of withstanding any hit! When you smack it, there is no Jiggle! It's raw muscle~
Yang: And that is why It's inferior!
~~~~~
Blake: I love my wife~
Jaune: I love my wife too~
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Is a Nas-Cart
At a Gas station
Jaune: $6 on pump two, please.
Cashier: *Looks outside and then back to Jaune* Sir, that's a shopping cart.
Jaune: I don't see what the make and model of my vehicle has anything to do with the $6 of cold hard cash I just laid on the counter.
Cashier: My apologies sir. Go nuts.
Jaune gets out and begins to soak the shopping cart with gasoline.
????: *Angry* There you are, you piece of shit!
Jaune: *Looks behind him*
????: I've been looking for you!
Jaune: Who, me?
He says while continuing to douse the shopping cart with gasoline.
Kmart Manager: No, the other dumb fuck pouring gasoline into a shopping cart. I'm the general manager at the Kmart down the street. We've been looking for the bastard who keeps taking carts, and dousing them in gasoline before returning them on the fucking cart corral!!
Jaune: Sir, this ain't no ordinary shopping cart. This is a Nas-Cart.
Kmart Manager: I'm going to beat you to death you little-
*Car noises* Jaune climbs into the shopping cart and drives to the horizon.
Kmart Manager: My mistake, you have a good rest of your evening.
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A Lamb Among Hyenas
Jaune: *Entering Parenting class and smiles at some single moms* Hi!
Mom 1: You're new~ What's ya name?
Jaune: Oh, I'm Jaune, and I, uh, got a baby girl,
Mom 1: Welcome, this is a safe space
Jaune: *Smiles and nods* Thank you
Mom 2: Totally! Does... your wife work? Or...?
Jaune: Oh no, we're uh, not married right-
Mom 1: Good
Jaune: ... Uh, she' still in the hospital-
Mom 2: Oh I'm so sorry! What happened?
Jaune: C-Section, There was some complications
Mom 1: hopes she makes it
Jaune: Yeah... she's at the ICU, she's getting better
Mom 1: Poor thing- Can I bring you dinner?
Jaune: ... No... thnak you though, that's very nice...
Mom 1: You sure~?
Jaune: Yeah
Mom 2: You don't want that dinner *Glares at Mom 1* Woman can't warm up a hot pocket, I'll give you my number in case you need, Anything~! What's your number?
Mom 1: My number is I like Anal
Jaune: *Stunned* AYE! WHOA!
(How does your ship react?)
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Scene: Ruby is holding a gun and is pointing it between two Yangs.
Ruby: ...Goddammit, seriously?!
Yang1: Ruby, it's me! I'm the real Yang! Shoot her!
Yang2: No, Ruby1 I'm your sister! She's a fake!
Ruby: ...Alright, I got it. What color is my underwear?!
Yang1: What?!
Yang2: Red with black frills!
Yang1: Ruby, wait, no!
Ruby then points the gun at Yang1...before then pointing the gun at Yang2 and shooting her in the chest.
Yang2 then turns into Emerald.
Emerald: Wait, what the fuck?! I got the question right! Why shoot me?!
Ruby: Why would my sister know what color my underwear is?!
Emerald: ...Shit. I didn't think this all the way through...
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Jessica Cruz is a palette swapped fusion of Ruby and Pyrrha and I can prove it.
For starters, her NAME references Ruby and Pyrrha in some way.
Jessica is a traditionally feminine name with Hebrew roots meaning "riches" or "wealth" which brings to mind gold and silver.
Cruz means "cross" in Spanish and Portuguese, either the Christian cross or the figure of transecting lines or ways, which brings to mind brown and silver.
Gold represents Pyrrha (well; both Pyrite Gold/Fool's Gold and Copper Gold/Chalcopyrite/Orichalcum) and Silver represents Ruby (Silver Eyes. Hell even the cross imagery references Ruby)
In other words: Jessica Cruz's main color theme is Electrum, an alloy that is made of Gold and Silver, and is also known as Green Gold as well as White Gold.
Now look at her clothing/color scheme.
PS: Is it any wonder then, that she ended up having such incredible chemistry with Jaune from the word Go?
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#rwby#rwby spoilers#rwby shitpost#rwby volume 9#rwby volume 9 spoilers#ruby rose#weiss schnee#yang xaio long#bumblby#nuts and dolts#blake belladonna#bumbleby#shitpost
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Ruby: Jaune, I want you~.
Jaune: ...To join the army?
Ruby: ...
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Nora: Aw man!
Ruby: What's wrong?
Nora: Jauney bought pancake supplies, but won't be able to make it back due to the storm tonight!
Ruby: Oh no! Penny's out there too!
Nora: Well- Her and Jaune are actually together right now. They're splitting their lien on a hotel room for the night.
Ruby: O- oh. Well, that's good! They're pretty friendly with each other! they'll keep each other safe!
Nora: You sound weirdly worried for them.
Ruby: They're my friends! I can be worried for them!
Nora: ... That's it?
Ruby: ... They're incredibly gullible. They can get tricked so easy and it make me sad to think that.
Nora: Well, like you said they have each other! they'll be fine!
~~~~~
Jaune: Oh, there's only one bed. You can have it if you want-
Penny: Oh I don't mind sharing. If anything you will get more use with the bed than I will.
Jaune: I've got to say, this place was in kind of an odd spot far off the main street.
Penny: My GPS Said it was the nearest and most affordable location.
Jaune: What's this place's name again?
Penny: "Hotel Amor"
Jaune: ...
Penny: ... What?
Jaune: Do you know what that means?
Penny: The literal translation is "Hotel Love." The description stated it was a "Lovely Hotel"
Jaune: Did it say lovely?
Penny: It said "Love Hotel" but I had figured it was a grammar or spelling mistake.
Jaune: ... Okay then. Can you please look up what a "Love Hotel" is?
Penny: ...
Penny: *Blushing* Oh!
Jaune: ... *Blushing, looking away* So, uh, yeah-
Penny: This is excellent!
Jaune: What?
Penny: Well, I have been wanting to try ... and I believe we know each other well enough ... Jaune, would you engage in sexual intercourse with me?
Jaune: *Blushing harder* ... Uhm. Let's not or today, but maybe we could go out sometime? Like, on a date?
Penny: *Blushing* That sounds wonderful Jaune.
#rwby#jaune arc#ruby rose#penny polendina#rwby shitpost#arculus rift#rwby circuitbreaker#nora valkyrie
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Lie Detector
Nora: Hey guys! Guess what I just found in the dumpster! *Slams Device on the Center Table* IT’S A LIE DETECTOR!
Ruby: Wow, really?!
Jaune: Does it still work?
Weiss: *Scoffs* As if. It was obviously thrown out for a reason.
Nora: Oh, is that so? How about we play a little game to test it out?
Ren: Maybe we shouldn’t-
Weiss: HMPH! I humbly accept your challenge. Do your worst, Valkyrie.
Nora: It’s on, then! First question: Have you ever spied on Jaune while he was hitting the showers?
Jaune: HUH?!
Weiss: Wha- What kind of question is that?! Of course not!
BZZZZZT!
Blake: So it does work.
Yang: HAH! Off to a great start, Ice-Queen.
Weiss: T-That doesn’t mean anything! Never in my life have I-!
BZZZZZT!
Weiss: Fine, I admit it! I accidentally had the displeasure of peeking on Arc ONCE!
BZZZZZT!
Blake: Just once?
Weiss: Okay! I might have run into him a few more times-!
BZZZZZT!
Weiss: A couple more-!
BZZZZZT!
Weiss: A dozen-!
BZZZZZT!
Weiss: Dozens-!
BZZZZZT!
Weiss: I did it close to a hundred times! AT BEST!
BZZZZZT!
Jaune: *shook*
Ruby: Why does it keep getting worse?
Weiss: ALRIGHT, I CONFESS! I PEEP ON HIM EVERY TIME HE’S IN THE SHOWERS!
BZZZZZT!
Pyrrha: You too? Eh-! I mean-! What?!
Weiss: OKAY, YOU GOT ME! I LIKE TO GO THERE WHENEVER HE’S NOT TAKING A SHOWER JUST TO IMAGINE HIM TAKING ONE! BUT ONLY SOMETIMES!
BZZZZZT!
Weiss: AGH, SCREW IT! I DO IT EVERYDAY! IT’S ALL PART OF MY MORNING ROUTINE!
BZZZZZT!
Ren: I think we heard enough-
Weiss: FINE, IT’S ALSO PART OF MY NIGHTTIME ROUTINE!
BZZZZZT!
Yang: Geesh, you’d think someone would've taken a picture.
Weiss: I WOULD NEVER-!
BZZZZZT!
Weiss: I HAVE 735 PHOTOS KEPT DIGITALLY STORED IN MY-!
BZZZZZT!
Weiss: ALL THE PHOTOS ARE IN FILM AND I PAY A GENEROUS SUM TO VELVET EVERY MONTH SO I CAN REVEAL THE PICTURES IN HER SECRET DARK-ROOM BECAUSE I FIND IT ESTHETICALLY MORE PLEASING! THERE! HAPPY?!
…
Nora: Looks like you’re telling the truth. Good job, Weiss! How do you feel?
*THUD*
Nora: …Alright, who’s next?
#rwby#rwby shitpost#weiss schnee#jaune arc#whiteknight#weiss x jaune#jaune x weiss#nora valkyrie#ruby rose#lie ren#blake belladonna#yang xiao long#pyrrha nikos#This was definitely not plagiarized from youtube shorts- BZZZZZT!
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I have a license for that!
It's early in the morning, Jaune is still lying in his bed. It's so comfortable that he doesn't want to leave. He then moves a little and hugs something soft and warm. Everything was going well until what he was something grabbing his butt.
Jaune: What the fuck?!
He jumps out of bed
Ruby: Why did you leave? We were so warm snuggled together.
She says as she comes out from under the sheets
Jaune: Ruby?! What are you doing in my bed?!
Ruby: Well, I'm enjoying my member benefits.
Jaune: *Confuse* Your what?
Ruby: My membership.
She says as she pulls out an ID card in front of him.
Jaune: Give me that.
He takes it from her hands and looks at it.
Jaune: What the hell is this? Is it a joke? Wait a minute… MY MOM APPROVED THIS?!!
Ruby: Yep, and let me tell you, getting in was difficult.
Jaune: You member number 29?! How many members are there?!
Ruby: I don't know, your mom is the one who keeps track.
She shrugs her shoulders
Jaune: *Angry* GOD DAMN IT MOM!!!!
Meanwhile
Mama Arc: Aaa-Chu! *sniff* Someone is talking about me.
Saphron: Maybe it was Jaune… talking about your club… you know, the club you made to get more grand babies!
Mama Arc: Nah, I do not think so.
#jaune arc#jaune#rwby jaune arc#rwby jaune#rwby ruby#ruby rose#ruby#rwby ruby rose#rwby saphron#saphron cotta arc#rwby saphron cotta arc#saphron#rwby mama arc#mama arc#rwby#rwby shitpost
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Locker Room
Ruby: W-Why do we have to have co-ed locker rooms?
Weiss: It is a rather odd design choice.
Blake: Do you think you're always going to have privacy in the field?
Yang: No, but it's easier to wash when people aren't-
Jaune: *Walks through naked* Nora, did you steal my towel again?
Nora: It's so fluffy~.
Jaune: Well give it back!
RWBY: ...
Ruby: Maybe it won't be so bad.
Weiss: The design seems to have it's advantages.
Blake: I've seen horse faunus less hung than that.
Yang: Guess I'll be the one doing the staring this time.
#rwby#rwby shitpost#rwby smut#pollinated knight#lancaster#whiteknight#knightshade#dragonslayer#jaune arc#weiss schnee#blake belladonna#yang xiao long#nora valkyrie
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The hiatus is upon us. This was less than 24 hours after the RWBY Season 9 finale.
#rwby#summer rwby#rwby summer rose#summer rose#raven branwen#rwby raven#rwby rosebird#rosebird#rwby shitpost#rwby fndm#rwby fandom#summer x raven#iamafanofcartoons
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JAUNE IS A WHORE. Pt 3
Jaune found himself sitting in front of one Blake belladonna as she looked at him as he was covered ina variety of colored lipstick.
Blake: jaune... I'm not going to be subtle.
Jaune: I-i would expect nothing less blake.
Blake: not only did you sleep with yang.. but now also ILIA?!
Jaune: look Blake I'm sorry about yang, i know you wanted to be her first but she's punsex-
Blake: oh I'm not mad about that. I'm just really confused on why you slept with my best friend. And more importantly HOW?
Jaune: well we were just talking and we got to the topic of people who we knew we had no chance in hell with, and then well.. things kinda just escalated.
Blake: ok.. so you DIDN'T force yourself onto her?
Jaune: nope full consent and everything.
Blake: ok.. that softens the blow... Now. Did you like it?
Jaune: what?
Blake: did you LIKE IT? Or was it just a fling to add her to your collection of women you fucked.
Jaune: I mean.. yes.
Blake: jaune... Your a whore... A likeable one.. but still a WHORE.
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Silent Knight Dating Perks
#my post#rwby#rwby shitpost#rwby neo#neopolitan#neo politan#jaune arc#rwby silent knight#silent knight#shipping post#shipping shitpost
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