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ishaslife · 9 months

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Astarion has been breaking my poor heart.

This post will contain spoilers for the game and Astarion's romance/backstory. Before anyone comes at me, I want to say that you are the main character, you are supposed to change the fates and behaviours of your characters, especially if you are romancing them. It's a video game, that's kind of the point.

This post is extremely long and I apologise.

This analysis is based off my playthrough.

(*) means check notes at the bottom of the post.

I wasn't expecting to like him as much as I do. Don't get me wrong, I really liked him during EA and I thought he was funny, charming, flirty with a dark past and all that was just a means to cover his trauma but since the full game has come out and we've gotten to know more of him, it truly breaks my heart to see and know what he has been through. My sister and I were watching his reactions to be being rejected, being told that Tav only wants sex and forcing him to do things he doesn't want to do, it is truly heart-wrenching.

Many people expected Astarion to be this "I am so sexual and my romance will mostly be sex, also I will betray you the first chance I get." and it couldn't be further from the truth. Astarion is extremely loyal, and yes he has that air of flambouncy to him, will often make japes and say evil things but most of the time, it is just a facade. It's his shield in a way, he has been treated with utter cruelty for two hundred years of his life and now that he finally has some control over himself, he doesn't wish to be hurt again.

I don't think Astarion is ever completely evil, even in the beginning. He just wants to have fun and enjoy life after so many years of slavery. He likes it when you are snarky, say mean shit to people for fun but, he doesn't like to see innocents get hurt, and he doesn't support fighting for people who don't fight for themselves. Yes, he will support some of your evil decisions but they will lead to a bad ending, for you and your characters. It'll make Astarion wallow more in his greed and he'll lose the little humanity he has left. He doesn't really have a clear sense of direction in the beginning of the game as he's just found freedom and obviously wants to live life to the fullest, being evil comes naturally to him, it's instinct as its what he's been doing for two centuries.

This is my assumption since we don't know his actual age but since he's an elf who was well-respected in society, had a pretty prestigious job and was rich enough to be corrupt. I'd assume he was at least 70-100 years old before he was turned into a spawn. (EDIT - in a recent post by @deluxetrashqueen I saw the translation of the dates of birth and death on his tombstone:

"Astarion Ancunin

229-268 DR" to which he adds, "458DR - "

which shows that he was only 39 at the time of his death, which explains his emotional immaturity for an elf.) My point being, I believe he has been a spawn for longer than he's ever been a regular person. He has spent the longer part of his life doing evil things for an evil man, that was what his life was on a daily basis with Cazador. And his former work experience probably helped, he likely learnt pretty quick how much he took for granted as a living person and the harshness of his master, peers and people he seduced made him harsh and unforgiving in return.

Once you start getting close to him, you start to learn that he is only mean to people because of how life has treated him. In his romance, he says "no one ever looked out for me, no one ever said a kind word to me. You're the only one, no one is like that." Astarion starts to see, because of you that there is kindness in the world, and he finds kindness in you. Especially after his quest, as much as he'd hate to admit it, he also sees friends in your other companions as they do in him. By the end of Act 2, he starts to get more soft towards you and the decisions you make, often even disapproving of evil decisions. People often tend to forget that a lot of Astarion's evil personality is a front, it is not who he truly is.

These points will be better explained individually so I will talk about some themes.

Power: power plays a big part in his entire storyline. In the beginning, he wants to harness the powers of the tadpole to become powerful and at first, you think that it's simply because he's an evil character and he wants power for the sake of having it. Then later, he wishes to take over the power of the ascendant but mostly only to spite Cazador and take something important from him, not fully realising the true power of the rite.

As he slowly starts opening up to you, he tells you "the mind flayers tore me from that place" and you realise that its the tadpole that let's him walk in the sun, do things a vampire or spawn would never be able to, you learn that he hates being a vampire because he can't even remember what he looks like. He seeks power outside because he has had no power over himself for about two centuries, he thinks that having this power will fulfill his needs but it won't, we know it won't because in truth he only needs to reclaim his autonomy, physical and mental. Of course Astarion would never truly admit to this for a long while, even when he's romanced. I personally really love his good romance arc where he doesn't have sex with you, not because he dislikes you or doesn't want you but because, as he says "any kind of intimacy was something I performed to lure people back for him. While I know things between us are different... being with someone still feels tainted. It brings up all those feelings of disgust and loathing." He has spent 200 years or so bowing to Cazador's whims, done things to people he didn't want to do and I assume since it's heavily hinted at, were very sexual in nature. In a relationship, he simply wants to be seen as a person and I think that's really sad because that's how low the bar is for him.

In the ending of his quest, you can persuade him and tell him that going forth with the ritual won't set him free even if he thinks it will and I agree. If he's a slave to Cazador now, later he'd be a slave to power and greed. Just look at Cazador, despite being one of the most powerful beings in existence, he still wanted more power. That kind of greed and hunger never ends and Astarion would lose himself and who he has become while he was with us. Yes, it makes him walk in the sun again and do things a regular vampire can't but at what cost? 7,000 lives and his humanity. He would never be able to enjoy this "freedom" because he'll only strive to seek more power. In his ascendant ending, he becomes everything he's ever hated about Cazador, the cycle repeats itself, from Vellioth to Cazador and from Cazador to Astarion. And it will never end. Astarion even refuses to turn you into a vampire and wishes to keep you only as a spawn. With an insight check, you can learn that he thinks you're degrading yourself and he doesn't care. He now sees you as something to own, something to possess, not love. All his good qualities, wants and needs get twisted. Astarion truly only needs to feel like a person again but he doesn't fully realise this until you show it to him, through good deeds and actions, through simple acts of kindness. As he says in his "good" ending "I've been dead in the ground enough. It's time to try living again. With all that life has to offer."

Safety: Astarion wants to feel safe. He is so scared of being found by Cazador, he knows he's looking for him and the only thing giving him some form of safety from Cazador is the tadpole so of course he wants to harness its powers that is until he finds out it'll turn him into another kind of monster, a mind flayer. He doesn't wish to lose himself and his freedom again hence is vehemently against taking on the tadpole's powers but he doesn't stop you because that is of course, your decision to make. He says "if such power would please you, darling, I won't stop you. But do be careful, I want you to remain you." Now the only thing left that can properly give him his freedom is Cazador's death and he wants to kill him himself which I think is perfectly acceptable, Cazador deserves to die and if it is by Astarion's hands, all the better. But, in his romance, he makes it clear that he's doing it for safety, and he tells himself that he wants to take the power of the rite for safety as well because in truth, he is terrified of being powerless again. He does want revenge yes, but he also wants to keep you and himself safe from Cazador, even in the dungeon, if you run an insight check, the narrator tells you that he is losing his mind because of the power that's on offer and the smell of blood in the air. It's almost as if to say "he's losing his mind, please stop him before he forgets who he is." Astarion NEEDS your guidance*, eventually he even thanks you for 'saving him from himself.' In his good ending, he sees that in taking the power, he would be no better than Cazador and would become everything he's ever hated about him, and inflict on others what his former master inflicted on him, starting with you. His ascendant ending is honestly a very sad ending for his character, all that growth, change and development you bring to him throughout your journey just gone down the drain as he becomes an unfeeling, evil, narcissistic arsehole who only craves for more power. In his good ending, he will be safe, with you and with the friends he has made along the way. He is proud of himself and so is everyone else, it offers him a kind of friendship that's afforded to very few in the D&D world, especially a vampire/spawn whose very existence is hated. It is a bond based on trust, loyalty and to a degree, even love instead of fear like in the ascendant ending.

Abandonment and Fear: Astarion is driven by fear but he also knows facing Cazador is inevitable and something he needs to face rather than avoid. Even if he isn't outright seeking it (but he does seek it) I think he is braver than he likes to think and he definitely has some anti-hero traits. He likes the tadpole because it helped him get away from Cazador's authority and he enjoys bending others to his will since it makes him feel more powerful compared to how he's felt the past two centuries. But if you choose to not do the same, he doesn't really care. He doesn't except it of you nor is he disappointed (since he neither approves or disapproves. He only disapproves helping people who didn't ask or didn't want to be helped) he only gives a snarky comment or two about what he would've done instead and follows you anyway. He realises you're a good person. If you indulge too much however, I would argue that he agrees simply because he doesn't want you to turn against him. Perhaps he believes that you can turn on him and kill him as easily as you killed the tieflings or other innocents. He probably thinks it's easier to turn a good person evil than an evil person, good (tbh he wouldn't be entirely wrong.) And making bad choices does negatively affect his character of course but I just thought I'd put that out there as I think it's very likely for him to do so. He is definitely extremely paranoid, he hardly ever says how he truly feels out loud but when you break up with him (it's so heartbreaking omg) he says "I was beginning to think someone truly wanted me. I shouldn't have deluded myself." and "From the start, I was rather counting the hours until it was going to end. Midnight chimes, eh?" As heartbreaking as it is, the latter line shows how terrified he was of being abandoned or only be used for his body, he kept obessesively worrying that Tav would leave him after he bore his heart out to them. There's another bit of dialogue in Act 1 where he is trying his lines with you to get you to sleep with him a second time and you can say no which he is fine with but if you outright reject him there, meaning "I never want to see you like that again" he gets extremely sad: "Well, excuse me while I die of a broken heart. [slight chuckle] In all honesty, it's a shame. That time was special to me. I've gotten on my back 10,000 times or more and forgotten half of them. But you, I'll remember. [long pause] Have a fine evening... dear." Mind you, this is after you've only slept with him once. His dialogue makes it seem like he was already catching feelings for you, and not realising that himself until this happens. Seeing this made me realise that you're the first person he's slept with of his own volition, even if it was to seduce you. For the longest time, I think Astarion doesn't even want to believe you'll like him as something more than someone to sleep with, he hopes you might as his rejection line says so but astarion is nothing if not careful and well, paranoid.

That's why he's so shocked when you choose to not let him bite Araj at Moonrise even if it gave you something powerful in return. He sees that you chose his comfort over a genuinely useful commodity. Biting people or using his vampire, well, anything makes him extremely uncomfortable since it reminds him of things he needed to do for Cazador. If he bites her, it makes him feel like being a slave again, but bending to your will and wishes instead of his former master's. He realises he doesn't know how to say no. Which is another thing he says if you wish to pursue only a sexual relationship with him. He feels played.

Freedom: this is probably the main theme to his character arc. He wants to be free, not only from his master but also free to make right decisions and make decisions for himself, something he hasn't been able to do for years. This is why respecting his decision to not sleep with you is important to him, he doesn't feel comfortable being physically close to someone in a sexual way as it makes him doubt the person's true intentions and feelings and of course, makes him feel loathsome and disgusted with himself. He needs that time where you just connect as people to really see that you are in fact genuine and he wouldn't be hurt if he trusted you or gave you his heart. Towards the end of the game, he is still quite ruthless, but mostly only towards people who do wrong and are criminals. Astarion has a very strong set of ideals, he believes that people who do wrong deserve to die no matter the crime. I don't think this is entirely true, every crime deserves a different punishment but most criminals, those who do severe wrong and still get away with it, do deserve to die but this is just my opinion of course. He is ruthless towards bad people because that's how people have been to him, at least Cazador and I wouldn't be surprised if he was treated badly during his sexual encounters with strangers while working for him.

Why I think the Ascendant ending is a tragic ending for Astarion's character and for you.

I won't lie, there are some aspects of ascended Astarion that are pretty hot and I'm a sucker for (pun absolutely intended) powerful, gothic vampires but this ending comes at the cost of way too much. One simply being: Astarion isn't Astarion anymore. All his snarkiness, playful nature and strange innocence is gone. In his ascendant ending, that is, when he takes the power of the Rite of Ascension for himself by carving the same rune on Cazador's back that's on his own, Astarion loses himself. In D&D lore, full vampires are unfeeling, ruthless and have all their good traits twisted into something more malignant and evil. If Astarion loved you, that love turns into possession, if he cared for you, it turns into obsession. He doesn't truly care anymore... as a vampire, he is manipulating you and telling you things you want to hear instead of what he's actually feeling. He never truly got that moment of catharsis by killing Cazador as he does in his spawn ending. That simple bliss of killing the man that enslaved him and worse all these years; he never gets to experience that because he ends up using Cazador for the same power Cazador killed Vellioth for in the past, albeit worse. It's a never-ending cycle. And if he turns you into his spawn, you will go through the same fate Astarion went through and probably turn on him the same way he turned on Cazador. He has absolutely no sympathy for you or for anyone that is not him, in fact he feels almost disgusted by you because he thinks you're degrading yourself in front of him. There is a conversation between him and if you refuse to become his spawn, and I think it sums up his character perfectly as a vampire, it goes like this:

(choosing different options will have different dialogues but they more or less lead to him saying the same thing.)

ASTARION: Just so you know, I have everything I've ever wanted. Everything lies ahead. I can see my path to a waking dream. From the Crimson Palace, I will govern day and night. Create a city of spawn who bow before me, cast a fog over the world for my children.

TAV: But the Palace halls will be lonely.

ASTARION: You'll be lonelier than I. Very soon I will discover how to call my legions of wolves, become a sea of mist, run wrongside-up on roofs. [laughs] Everything vampires do best.

You could have, too. [sniggers] What a waste.

TAV: You don't really have anything at all.

ASTARION: I can take anything I want. I should've made you a spawn just to teach you that.

And there we have it, that last bit of dialogue shows how Astarion is now everything he hated about his own master. He is Cazador's literal and spiritual successor, he thinks you need to be punished for rejecting him. He doesn't feel for you anymore, at least not in a human way. He has become someone else entirely, for the worst. His drive for taking the power of the rite was to be able to walk in the sun again but as a full vampire, he wants to "dominate it (the world) until the sun melts and give ourselves over to the night."

Astarion NEEDS change, he needs to see that the world can be a kinder place than the one he's lived in this whole time. Just a bit of care and love with him goes a long way. In his spawn ending, he comes to realise that you gave him his life back even if it was as a spawn because that is true freedom. He is free from his master, and greed & power which was in the disguise of safety. He may never be able to walk in the sun, but he is free to make his own decisions that are driven by his choices. One of them being; wanting and loving you, living a full life with you, whatever that may entail.

If you went into the game thinking that Astarion will betray you no matter what then giving him the ascendant ending brings your fears to life. Astarion doesn't learn anything, by making him a full vampire, you basically tell him that he can only be powerful and worth something if he has super vampire powers, and in turn, you lose everything too. Astarion may have gained unparralled strength but now he has no need of you, you gave him everything he wanted and nothing he needed so now he can do whatever he wants with you because you are lesser than him, literally, he is much stronger than you are and his power will only grow as he discovers more of it. He tries to manipulate you into turning you into a spawn. A dialogue being:

TAV: After everything you went through with Cazador, you're going to make me a spawn?

ASTARION: Oh that was completely different, I'd never hurt you. I love you. That's what you've been waiting to hear, isn't it? That's what you want?

Which just shows you how he's only saying "I love you" because that's what you want to hear, so you agree to becoming his spawn. He doesn't mean it, it doesn't really have any feeling behind it whatsoever. And if he turns you into a spawn, you have basically lost everything. Because he is obsessive over you, he'll never let you go and since now he is properly evil, he likely won't turn you into a vampire either, even if he says he will.

This is just my take on the ending though, I think we can all agree the ascendant ending is the evil ending for his character, even if it is an ending you prefer. I'm not trying to hate on anyone who does like this ending, only stating that I think it is meant to be evil and I personally don't like it.

CONCLUSION

Once you get to truly know Astarion, he's a pretty decent guy. I can't speak much for people who didn't romance him, I'm not entirely sure how his non-romance route plays out. The good conclusion of his quest is so wholesome, where he says he feels "truly, honestly free" and tells you "you saved me from myself. This is a gift, you know, thank you. I won't forget it." getting full circle to the first time you let him bite you (the only time in my case.) It shows so much character development and pure joy in the way he thanks you (it doesn't need to be said but props to Neil Newbon for bringing the character to life.) He will always be a spawn and yet, he feels like "anything and everything is possible" because of you and the choices you made with him, you believed in him when he didn't believe in himself, you showed him that he is enough just the way he is and he doesn't need to become a full vampire to be strong and powerful. Astarion comes out of his finale, a much more positive person, who actually cares even if he won't show it and the best part is, he always keeps that tiny streak of evil and mischief within him. He hasn't lost sight of himself, he's just less spiteful now and feels free to actually enjoy life rather than constantly being scared of what might happen to him. He finds trust and happiness in you and it makes him happy that you find the same within him. You are his home and he hopes he is yours.

I understand that my analysis may not be perfect and my interpretation of the character may be different from someone else's but that's fine, he is a video game character that can be played so many ways and people can go around it however they like, interpret his character however they wish. This is just what I think.

NOTES

'Astarion needs your guidance.' - no, this is not gaslight-y. Astarion is a deeply troubled character and clearly finds it hard to differentiate between right and wrong. He often asks for your input and what you think by Act 2 which isn't a bad thing, he's asking for help and I think that shows how far he's come. In the final scene of his quest, he is overcome by the promise of power and the safety it would've provided which would've consumed him as it did Cazador, Astarion admits to this himself too later on once he can think clearly and is in a more positive mindset. There is nothing wrong with guiding your partner towards something that will eventually be better for their growth as a person in the long run.

#astarion analysis #forgotten realms #astarion and tav #astarion x tav #baldur's gate 3 #baldurs gate 3 #baldurs gate #astarion bg3 #bg3 astarion #astarion baldur's gate 3 #astarion baldurs gate #astarion x mc #tav x astarion #astarion romance #bg3 #astarion #astarion baldur's gate

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pixiekwixie · 1 year

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The Observation - 1

➺ Miguel O'Hara x Reader || Mature, 18+

➺ Summary - In which Miguel struggles to keep his hands and eyes off his lab assistant.

- Next chapter

➺ warnings - slow burn(?), kissing/making out(?), lot sexual tension, story night be long sorry, some choking, some biting, masturbating (nipple play, fingering, dildo usage, anal play, double orgasm), mentions of breeding

➺ words - 3.7k

➺ notes: i had to get this off my chest, there will be 2 more parts to this, i hope you guys enjoy it. this is also cross-posted to (depending on where you're reading this) tumblr, and ao3; let me know what you guys think; might also write some wholesome sunshine x moody stuff in the future if it works out :)

--- 🕷 ---

"Hey" a voice said from the corner. Startled, you whip your head back to find Jessica caressing her tummy as she sat down on a chair, making herself quite at home. She was a couple of months along now and, by the looks of it, very comfortable in her pajamas.

"Jess, it's not safe for you and the baby...." you sigh, looking back at your computer to resume your work. Jessica urged you to take a break, to sit down and have a conversation but you only shrugged it off by mentioning you were almost done.

"You know, I'd thought you'd hate working here" she watched your back, waiting for a reaction. "There's a lot of wonderful technology here that my Earth doesn't have..." you trail off, focusing more on the work in front of you. You were so close to the end, and although Jess was wonderful, you just wanted to finish things before relaxing.

"I meant, I thought you'd hate working for Miguel"

You looked back at her with furrowed brows, pausing your work, she knew what made you tick and used that to her advantage. Miguel was your boss and there was nothing to hate except his attitude. Sometimes you couldn't stand him, but the combination of advanced technology, your own space, and a mini fridge- definitely outweighed any of his moodiness. It took a lot of convincing for you to join, and had you known he was this broody you probably wouldn't have joined.

At the beginning, you were stubborn on joining the Spider Society because you had thought it was a pity invite, given that you felt you were more intelligent than agile. Although you admit your body was pretty strong and durable- it was only because your parents had enrolled you in a strenuous amount of classes that ranged from dance to karate- and even cooking. The classes had helped with getting into a good college that allowed you to pursue your dream career, but you never sought out anything besides yoga.

When you got bitten by a radioactive Black Widow you thought it was the end of your story, that your years of classes and college were coming to an end, eventually you realized that you weren't actually dying. And as time went on you started to see the new things you could do, and you embraced them. You were excited, you began practicing moves and spent a lot of time learning how to use your webs properly. You felt like you could become a hero, save lives, and become a beacon of hope for your city.

After some rough events that left you feeling depressed, you decided that becoming a hero was no longer something you could pursue. You felt upset about your own decision for days, you felt useless doing nothing but you felt the same way doing something. The life of a hero felt emotionally, and physically, taxing on yourself and the people around you. With time you managed to overcome the guilt and began to understand that there were different ways save people.

Your new path was to be promoted at the Alchemax company in your world- they were good, you had deemed it so after hearing what they had done in other Earths. Eventually you wanted to lead a research department that could help hospitals, and homeless, worldwide.

Even though the current path was similar to that of a superhero, you still felt an immense guilt in your chest. You thought that your powers were a miracle that should be used, but you couldn't, it's not what you wanted anymore and if you went back now- it would only make things worse.

Miguel had spent many months sending Jessica to your dimension to convince you to join the Spider Society. Every time you gave a different reason to reject the offer, feeling as though you wouldn't bring much value to the team.

It only took the man himself showing up at your apartment, on a Tuesday at 3 am, for you to join. He explained thoroughly why he wanted you, although crude, you felt recognized for something other than your powers. It felt like he provided the missing reassurance you needed, you joined.

"He leaves me alone for the most part, the only interactions we have is him sending me emails, and me going to his 'office' to give him his drugs for the week," you let out a soft laugh, you had to admit, was very handsome under all of the stress, responsibility and arrogance. Despite his handsome looks, you still thought he was an asshole that needed to comprehend people better.

"He's demanding though, and... AND rude" rising from you chair, you scrunch your nose and walk to the coffee machine. There's only so much water could do for your nerves if you continued to speak about Miguel's attitude, as of recent it had been worse and you had no idea why. You tried to understand but he'd only shut you out and demand you leave him alone.

"He just want things to go accordingly for the multiverse... even if he's a little-"

"Harsh? Come on, he basically called me useless the other day because I misread the number seven- SEVEN" you raise your voice while adding stuff to your coffee. Holding the sugar container in one hand with a tight grip, it made you upset that he wasn't considerate of his words. You had worked hard to prove he could trust you, and that he hadn't made the wrong choice but his attitude made it hard to work with him.

"That's why I've been late on my reports, ideas, paperwork AND his serum. He needs to learn to respect people, especially me, who makes sure he doesn't go apeshit" Jessica raised an eyebrow at your statement, sure you could be late on paperwork but, being late to give him his liquid gold? The thing he needed to not lash out on his instincts? The thing that helped him keep his powers? She almost thought it was cruel, but she knew you felt stressed and didn't want to make it worst by making you feel bad.

"That sounds cruel but I promise it's not-"

Before Jessica could reply, a deeper voice spoke.

"Oh yeah? Let's talk about that"

It was Miguel and your heard started to pound faster, your hand gripped your coffee cup tight in hope that he hadn't heard what you said. Your nerves grew as you looked around and watched him emerge from a corner, his suit glowing bright with every step, even the way he walked spoke volume about his attitude.

Sure, you had problems with him but you sure as hell were not telling him about them, it's the last thing you needed. He had practically built this place from the ground up and could see everything that everyone was doing if he wanted to- even you, sometimes it creeped you but at this moment it felt erotic.

"Miguel she's stressed she probably didn't mean it, give her a break" Jess watched his back at he made his way towards you, "This isn't about you Jess" he spoke with a quick glance at her, her face dropped to a stoic expression that scared you and it wasn't even directed towards you.

"Miguel" you groan as you watched him walk towards you, hands on his hips as his eyes narrowed at you through his mask.

"I need to talk with you" he leaned down a little to your level, the eyes on his mask narrowed to mirror his face under it. Was he really that mad at what you had said? It's not like he hasn't said worse, except he usually doesn't feel bad about it.

Something about his proximity made you hot despite the growing tension, but it wasn't the nerves anymore, you suddenly felt hyper aware of everything around you but it all slowly led down to the man I front of you, something about him made you feel this way, something smelled so good and it was coming from him, was he wearing some type of cologne? What was so different?

"S-Seriously, you could at least tell me beforehan-"

"You wanna explain to me why-"

"Oh wow, I have to go to the gyno" Jess said abruptly while slowly getting up from her chair. You and Miguel turn to her with confused looks at the sudden declare but her eyes held the same expression as before.

She raised her hand to stop you from saying anything.

"I'm not gonna stick around for an argument, you two need to figure it out" she spoke with a look to Miguel. With a brief smile towards you she walked out the doors that shut behind her and the tension in the air became more obvious as the two of you were left alone.

"I give you one job, and it's to follow my formula, but instead you decide to be unprofessional and talk about me behind my back" Miguel's brows knit together as he looked down at you with glowing red eyes. You tried speak but nothing came out, not because you were intimidated, but because you felt your chest heave with heat at the sight of his crimson eyes.

Closing your eyes you take a deep breath to center yourself and shake off the feeling of imploding heat that was blossoming at your core. Looking back at him you found him pacing round while he muttered things in Spanish that made your tummy churn, pushing your feelings aside you take a deep breathe to center yourself.

Was this a hormonal imbalance?

"Why does it bother you so much this time? I told you 2 weeks ago I was backed up with stuff on my earth and that your-" You were abruptly interrupted with the speedy sight of him in front of you, his eyes were darker and held an intense look like he was analyzing your every feature. He was so close you could feel his breathing tickle the skin of your cheeks, it made the heat blossom inside of you again.

"I've been trying to hold it together and you think it's a game?" He seethed, inching closer until you could practically brush your nose against his, your heart pounded at the notion he was merely inches from being able to kiss you. Forgetting the coffee in your hand you attempt to raise a hand to his cheek but he stopped you by grabbing your wrist with a fast motion, the grip was tight but not hurtful. With a small wince you look up at him again only to see dark look wash over his features, were his eyes more vibrant now?

"Don't," he snarled, not breaking contact with your eyes. Why did you find his anger so attractive? There was something behind that look in his eyes that was pulling you in, the more you stood together the more your body felt attracted to him, so much so that you were starting to feel turned on with your walls pulsed in an erratic way that needed him.

Why the fuck is this happening?

"Y/n" he whispered in a way that made your back shiver, you noticed his eyes look relaxed and rather dazed like he was hot under his suit. Could he be feeling the same way as you? Did he want you as well?

"Y-Yes?" your voice was shaky, breathy, and basically pleading for him for him to do something.

His face slowly leaned down into yours, turning to the side only to brush his lips softly against yours w. Your eyes widened, you could practically hear your heart pounding in your ears as he finally pressed his lips against yours.

Moving against your lips slowly he lowered your wrist to the table behind you. The same hand he used now held your hip steadily as the kiss grew deeper, heavier, and wetter. His tongue prodded your lips and with a small squeeze to your hip you allowed for his tongue to explore your mouth.

Your head felt hazy, and your core pulsed more than before in anticipation. Pulling away from your mouth with a string of saliva connecting you both, you bat your eyelashes up at him with the hope that things progress into something more intimate.

His breathing was rapid yet heavy, and his eyes were full of lust and want with the way you looked up at him. His grip on your hip tightened as his eyelids drooped to admire the saliva on your lip that threatened to fall, before it could drip down to your chin he smashed his lips onto yours- licking the saliva into his own mouth.

His tongue lapped at your lips, and pushed through to feel every crevice within your mouth. With shaky hands you place your arms around his neck as you let him do whatever he pleased, weaving your fingertips into his hair you tug on them a bit which only earned a deep groan from him.

Pulling back from you, he stared intently into your eyes before abruptly wrapping a hand around your throat and applying pressure to the sides. Your eyes closed and your core pulsed repeatedly at the tightness of his hands around your neck, moaning softly into his face you open your eyes to find a droplet of sweat on his forehead.

"You like that, hm? Princesa?" He whispered into your ear, a whiny moan escaped your throat at the feelings of his lips on your ear, using the hand on your neck he maneuvered your face to the side- leaving your neck exposed to him.

You could feel your nipples were fully erect as they pressed uncomfortably against the material of your bra. Opening your eyes, you look down at him only see an intense, and hungry look on his face. Keeping his eyes locked onto yours he pressed his lips onto the delicate skin of your neck, planting small kisses that burnt onto your flesh in a savory manner that made your core gush with arousal.

"M-Miguel..." you mutter as you close your eyes to bask in the pleasure of his lips on your skin, tightening the grip on your throat he bit onto your neck unexpectedly. Gasping at the bite, your fingers held tightly at the hand he had wrapped around your neck- using it to stabilize yourself as he started sucking at your neck, the way his lips enveloped your skin and his tongue worked against you felt like he was trying to feed himself off you.

His actions came to a stop, the hand on your neck had gone too and you opened your eyes to be greeted by an empty view of your lab filled with bright-lit screens and papers scattered. Just like it was before Miguel appeared. Lifting your hand up to your neck you feel the marks of his teeth along with the saliva on your neck that left a warm spot at the touch. In a moment of heat and desperation you bring those fingers to your mouth and suck on them, he was gone for now and and the only trace you had of him was the remnants of his mouth n your neck. Sucking and licking the tips of your fingers making sure to intake any trace there was of him, moaning into your fingers you suck the tips before pulling them out and imagining they were his.

You were still in a hazy view of want and need for him, it would be hard to forget this moment if you saw him again. With blouse and slowly sat down on the floor, holding your chest with both hands you try to slow down your breathing.

"Where did you go..." you whisper to yourself as a pang of sadness hit your chest at the thought he left during a moment where you weren't arguing for once. It had all felt so good but to you, it would've felt better if he had stayed.

Calming down and regulating your breath you realized you would have to see him tomorrow to give him his dose for the next week. You didn't know if you wanted to see again after leaving you just like that.

You hated him for leaving you like that without a trace but you hated that you wanted so much more than just a couple nips to the neck.

--- 🕷 ---

Back in your universe, you were laid in bed watching TV as you thought about the events of earlier, the things he whispered into your ear, the way he touched you, the way his lips felt on your neck and the tight embrace he held around your neck.

Throwing the blankets off you head off your dresser where your dildo was. You had never really used it before as you were always busy with work but today was different, there was a man that awoke something inside of you that had laid dormant. And that man was your boss, Miguel.

Kicking your bottoms off you lie down on your bed again and spread your legs open letting cool air hit your nether lips in a tantalizing way. Discarding the dildo to the side, you bring one of your hands down to your pussy, rubbing in an upwards motion that spread the wetness up to your clit. Groaning at the sensation you rub your erect clit in a slow circular motion, the feeling alone had you throwing your head back with a breathy moan.

You drew your legs up and in until it was just your core fully exposed to the atmosphere of your room, circling your clit faster you used your other hand to lift up your shirt and and rub at your nipples with a feathery touch. The simultaneous stimulation made you moan as you felt your walls clench fast, you had been so desperate to relieve yourself that you could cum at any moment.

Pulling and twisting your nipples you start going faster, your breathing becoming more erratic and you could feel the coil in your abdomen start to come undone but before you could finish you stopped. Your pussy quivered at the denial as your chest hiccupped from the intensity of being so close to the end, it felt like your entire body was spasming and dripping with heat from the denial.

You throw your shirt off quickly and lie back down to spread yourself open again. Rubbing your fingers up and down with a moan you slowly insert two fingers inside of your wet warm walls that quivered around the length of your digits. Pumping your fingers in and out slowly you moan at the idea of his fingers being the ones inside you filling up your throbbing pussy. Hooking your finger in a little you lift you back from the bed at the sensation of your softest spot, pumping in particularly hard at an angle that made you pussy drip more liquid gold onto your sheets.

Your walls pulsed erratically around your fingers as you sped up, your mouth contorting into an 'o' as you felt yourself growing closer. Bringing your other hand down to rub your clit at the same pace you moaned his name as you continued to imagine it was him driving his fingers into your wet hole.

"F-Fuck M-Miguel-" your clit quivered and the coil in your belly came undone, your insides gripped onto your digits harder trying to prevent them from leaving, your body secreting juices that trickled down your anus and sheets.

Pulling your fingers out reluctantly you slide them down to your anus and circle the rim in a slow teasing manner that aroused you again. Pushing a finger inside your eyes fluttered at the pressure- you began to pump in and out in a very slow motion using the wetness from before that made it easier to move in and out.

With your other hand you rub the head of the dildo on your clit in a fast circular motion, hooking the finger in your ass you pumped faster while your clit quivered into a second orgasm. The walls of your ass started to clench as your finger brushed on the soft spot that sent shockwaves to your pussy. You started panting heavily as your pussy and ass throbbed simultaneously, getting closer towards being tipped over the edge you went faster, until your pussy started dripping onto the sheets again.

Pulling the finger out of your ass with a small pop, you grab the dildo and line up the tip with your dripping hole, you felt anxious and excited to be filled up with something thicker than your digits. You slowly ease the tip in, and with a loud moan you began to push the rest of the length inside of you until it fit snuggly in your walls.

"Miguel... fuck me p-please..." you whined as your pulled the dildo all the way out only to smack it back in, pumping in and out with a steady speed where length brushed against every itch within your walls that needed to be filled. Your started getting faster as you thought about him pumping himself inside of your pussy to breed you and use you for his own pleasure.

Your tummy churned as you started to near the edge again, the images of him bent over you driving his cock inside of you, filling you with his cum and knocking you up was enough to to send you over the edge. You slowly rode out your orgasm with the image of him painting your insides full of his seed and filling you up until you were dripping onto the sheets. Coming down to a stop you sighed as you body shook at the intensity, no one had ever made you so wet just by thinking about them.

Your body ached and yearned for him, it was truly strange as you had never felt this way for anyone before. Miguel was different and something about him had set your body ablaze in a way you couldn't stop.

"How the fuck am I going to face him tomorrow..."

--- 🕷 ---

#miguel #miguel ohara #fanfic #across the spiderverse #spider man #spider man 2099 #jessica drew #miguel o'hara x reader #miguel ohara x reader #smut #spider man 2099 x reader #spiderverse #marvel

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roosterforme · 1 year

Text

Old Habits Die Hard Part 3 | Bradley Bradshaw x Reader

Summary: You and Bradley both seem startled by the way you feel about each other. And then Bradley makes a bold statement without saying anything.

Warnings: Angst, swears, sex

Length: 3100 words

Pairing: Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x Female Reader (fuckboy college student Bradley)

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You ran down the stairs, not sure why you had been dumb enough to look for Bradley tonight in the first place. He wasn't for you. And you should know better. But those kisses... it had all been pretty innocent, but you were ready to start unzipping his jeans.

But he was taken whether he wanted to admit it or not. Phoebe was everywhere. And it looked like she certainly wasn't the only one he was sleeping with, according to his door. He could flirt with you all he wanted, but he didn't get to have you, too.

You rushed into the living room and Jeff immediately spotted you. "Damn, took you a while to find the kitchen?" he asked jokingly.

You laughed it off, taking Jeff's hand. His eyes immediately went wide as he cautiously laced his fingers with yours. "Hey, I'm actually feeling really tired, and I think Janessa wants to stay longer. Can you walk me home?"

"Of course," Jeff replied, leading you toward the door. "I'd be happy to."

He walked you the few blocks to your apartment, even letting you wear his hoodie when you started to shiver. You were embarrassed about kissing Bradley. Just mortified inside. He was not a good idea.

The last thing you thought about before you pulled Jeff in for a goodnight kiss was Bradley's door and all the names. So you kissed Jeff hard and slid your tongue along his lips until he opened his mouth to let you taste him. He tasted like beer, and he was using so much tongue now, you wanted to gag. He caressed your cheek and stabbed your mouth with his tongue before you pulled away. Because that was the worst kiss of your life.

And the fact that you knew how expertly Bradley could kiss you undoubtedly made Jeff's kiss even worse.

"You should come to the house again tomorrow night," Jeff whispered with his hand on your hip as you backed slowly up to your front door.

"Uh, maybe," you mumbled. "I'll think about it." You unlocked your door and squeezed yourself inside. "Thanks for walking me home."

------------------------------

Bradley took a minute to turn his phone off before following you down the stairs. He didn't know how to explain to you that he'd rather be with you than Phoebe or anyone else any day of the week. You were different. He liked talking to you. Being around you made him feel good.

But as soon as he saw you taking Jeff's hand in yours, he felt the urge to punish himself by drinking a bottle of vodka. He watched you leave the house with Jeff, and he turned toward the kitchen.

Bradley made the rounds, chatted with some guys from the frats and flirted with some girls, all while he sipped from a bottle of Smirnoff. Hopefully he would be able to pass out before he called Phoebe back. A small part of him recognized that she was probably at the party somewhere, but he wasn't sure he wanted to see her right now.

As soon as he had polished off a third of the bottle of vodka, he started to pity himself. He knew better than to drink like this. He hadn't done this since July, when he had broken the table and ended up in the emergency room. He hadn't had any hard liquor since Chase got kicked out of the fraternity. Since the other guys started to carry around a grudge against Bradley.

Then he was distracted from his feelings; Jeff had returned and he looked so smug. Bradley should be the one looking smug right now. He should still have you up in his room, still be kissing you, maybe even be fucking you by now.

But instead he was listening to Jeff and some of his other fraternity brothers talking about you. "She was feeling tired, so I didn't want to invite myself in, but I just made out with her," Jeff said with the most obnoxious smile. And he made a point to look right at Bradley as he said it. "She's a good kisser," Jeff added, sending a smirk in his direction.

Bradley deserved this. Even though he had kissed you first, you picked Jeff. And Jeff wasn't wrong; you were a fucking great kisser. Kind of timid and shy, but still so hot, so sweet. Like sugar.

Bradley took a huge sip of vodka, and staggered a bit in Jeff's direction. "She's sweet," Bradley said. "So sweet."

Jeff just looked at him with pity in his eyes. Because suddenly Phoebe was there, draping her arms around Bradley.

"There you are! I've been calling you all night," she purred. Bradley tried to pull away, but her hands were on his chest and she was kissing his neck. He didn't like it when she touched his scars. "Let's go upstairs. I'm not even wearing underwear. Should still be easy for you even if you're drunk," she whispered, giggling next to his ear. She took his hand and guided it up her short dress.

Bradley wanted to tell her no. He tried so hard, even though he was wasted now. But she backed him into the hallway with her hand rubbing his dick through his pants. He was thinking about you though. You made him hard without touching him. You made him hard when he thought about you and imagined your voice.

"Come on, Bradley. I can see you're fucked up. I'll do all the work," Phoebe promised in a patronizing tone. Bradley didn't want to be alone, so he let her guide him up the stairs. She took his clothes off and got on all fours on his bed. He could see her pussy, and even through his drunkenness, he tried to fight it. But he couldn't. This was too easy. Too familiar.

He rolled a condom down his length and fucked her until he came, gasping for air as he thought about you.

---------------------------------

Bradley must have passed out on top of his bedding. His head was pounding as he tried to open his eyes. He knew he wasn't alone, but he couldn't remember who was with him.

Oh, but he'd been kissing Sugar. That was the last thing he could remember. Yes, you must still be here. He would feel better after he heard your voice again.

"I'm going to change into some of your clothes to sleep. It's cold in here." Phoebe. He was with Phoebe. That was Phoebe's voice.

"Fuck," Bradley groaned, standing up. The room was spinning, but he could still see the condom wrapper next to the bed. "No."

"What is wrong with you?" Phoebe asked as she rooted around in his drawers looking for a shirt. "You are acting so weird."

Bradley cleared his throat and looked at her naked backside. "I want you to leave."

She spun around to face him. "Excuse me?"

"Please, Phoebe. I want to be alone."

"What is your problem, Bradley? You know, I could go fuck any of your fraternity brothers, and they would be begging me to stay with them."

"Phoebe," he groaned, rubbing his throbbing head.

"What's this about? Because you know I don't even care when you decide you feel like sleeping around. That doesn't matter to me. So let's just go to sleep and talk in the morning."

"Just go!" he begged. "Please, Phoebe. I need to be alone."

"Fuck you, Bradley," she said, pulling her tiny dress back on and storming out. Of course Bradley caught sight of his door before she slammed it shut.

He flopped down onto his bed, cradling his head in his hands. He'd thought about you again. He'd thought about you the entire time he'd been in here with Phoebe. He had tried to convince himself you never left with Jeff.

Bradley knew this was fucked up. And he would have given anything to have his mom back. He didn't know who else he could even talk to about this shit. Even if he could manage to get you to kiss him again, you weren't just a regular hookup. You were different. And he needed you to want to kiss him again, because you were all he could think about. He really wished Jeff would just fuck off and leave you alone.

But it was Bradley's fault that you left. For some reason, he always went back to Phoebe. Maybe it was because she didn't care about his face, or because she already knew he was fucked up. But Bradley didn't feel so fucked up when he was with you. Now he was afraid his dependence on Phoebe was going to cost him. He needed you to know that Phoebe wasn't a threat. Nobody was. As he started to pass out again, a plan came together in his mind.

--------------------------------

You were still trying to wash the feeling of Jeff off of your mouth the next morning when you brushed your teeth. Why had you done that? You didn't even want him now. And you'd managed to put your bad kiss with Jeff at the font of your mind in place of your amazing kiss with Bradley.

When you thought about Bradley's fingers gliding across your skin, you could have moaned. It just felt that good. Then you scowled. You didn't need a boyfriend, but you also didn't need a one and done hookup either. And that was likely all you would get from him. Why was he even flirting with you? He didn't need you for a good time. He'd been leading you on while he had Phoebe and who knows who else calling his phone.

So you let yourself enjoy a lazy Saturday morning where your mantra was Guys Suck. You worked on some math questions, occasionally singing a little song you made up about how men were scum. Then you made a grilled cheese sandwich and took a long walk, still humming along to your song.

You felt much better by that evening when Janessa came home to change before going back to Tyson's room for another night.

"Come back with me," Janessa whined. "We can hang out together at the Beta house tonight. Drink all of their beer instead of our own."

You rolled your eyes but smiled. "You expect me to believe you won't immediately ditch me for Tyson?"

Then she smirked. "Well... I heard you made out with Jeff, so how do I know you won't ditch me for him?"

You gaped at her. "How did you hear about that?"

"Jeff practically made a public service announcement about it last night after he walked you home. He was telling all the guys about it."

Your heart was pounding, and you felt sick. "Was Bradley there? When Jeff said that?"

"Yeah, he was. And he got fucking trashed last night after that."

"He did?" you whispered. You couldn't stand the thought of Bradley knowing you had kissed Jeff after you had kissed him. "Oh."

"Just come with me. We can hang out, and then you can see Jeff."

You chewed on your bottom lip. "I need to take Jeff's hoodie back anyway, but I'm not staying long."

So you ended up at the Beta house, but you went right to the kitchen in search of Bradley. He wasn't there. You doubled back down the hallway and found Janessa again.

"Have you seen Bradley?" you asked her, running your fingers along Jeff's hoodie in your hands.

She shook her head. "No, but I did see Phoebe just now. She would probably know where he is. Oh, there she goes."

You turned to look where Janessa was pointing, and you gasped. Phoebe was stunning. Tall and blonde with bright eyes and just the right amount of curves. She was wearing a tiny skirt, and she looked pissed off. You watched her storm up the stairs that led to the bedrooms on the second floor.

Janessa was distracted by Tyson again, so you crept along the hallway and started up the stairs as well. You lied to yourself, pretending you just intended to leave Jeff's hoodie outside his door. But of course you were now eavesdropping on Bradley and Phoebe. You froze before you reached the top of the stairs, because their conversation was loud. Bradley sounded angry. You'd never heard his voice like this before. You were used to him being soft and raspy, but now he was close to yelling.

"Phoebe, you can't just keep coming over after I don't answer your calls!"

"Oh please, Bradley. It barely took any coaxing last night after you saw what I was wearing! I figured your phone battery had died or something."

There was a pause before Bradley said, "I was wasted last night. I didn't even remember what we did until I woke up."

"So a normal night for you then?" Phoebe asked with venom, and you really hated her voice.

"Phoebe, I haven't been drinking as much, and you know it. I've been trying... since July."

"Then why did you get blasted last night?" she asked a little softer this time.

Another pause, and now Bradley's voice was quieter, so you crept up to the top of the steps, closer to his open door. "You want me to be honest with you? I don't think we should spend time together anymore. I don't think we should be calling each other for hookups. It's not a good idea now."

"Fine," she agreed, but she didn't sound like she was fine with it. "But if this is why you painted your door today, then you can just go fuck yourself. I don't care who she is, there's no way she's as good as I am in bed."

You were standing at the top of the stairs as Phoebe slammed his door closed and stormed down the hallway. She barely glanced in your direction as she descended the stairs in a huff. You continued toward Bradley's room, dropping off Jeff's hoodie on the way.

When you saw Bradley's door, you froze in shock. It had been freshly painted a clean, glossy white. All of the names, including Phoebe's, had been covered up entirely. But your lips curled into a surprised smile as you read what was now written across his door. You recognized Bradley's handwriting from flipping through his notebooks, and he had apparently taken a black sharpie to his pristine door after painting it.

SUGAR

what's your number?

You were smiling so much, it would have been mortifying if Bradley opened his door and found you there. He had told Phoebe to get out. He had covered up all the names and phone numbers. He had asked you for yours.

Maybe he was still thinking about kissing you. Maybe he'd let you explain that you were one hundred percent not interested in Jeff.

You raised your fist and knocked.

"Phoebe, seriously! I just want to be alone!" he yelled through the door.

You backed away slowly, now unsure of yourself. You chewed on your lip and then spotted the sharpie marker sitting on the floor next to the door. Before you could change your mind, you wrote your phone number just below the note Bradley had left for you.

This was a game. At least right now it was. He'd put the ball in your court, and now you'd put it back in his. You capped the marker and took it with you. No way you wanted anyone else writing on his door, especially not before Bradley saw it for himself.

Maybe he would text or call you. You hoped he would. You looked at Jeff's sweatshirt on the floor in front of his door and tried to sneak out of the house before he saw you.

-------------------------------

Bradley woke up on Sunday morning with a clear head after having had nothing to drink and nobody stay over with him the previous night. He felt amazing. He stretched out in bed, his morning wood tenting the sheet as he closed his eyes and let his hand drift down his body to grasp his cock.

He thought about you. It was all you. He smiled as he jerked himself off, thinking about your lips on his, remembering how you used his name instead of his nickname. He came all over his own abs, wishing you were with him. He just stayed there, sprawled out for a few minutes before he stood to get cleaned up.

Bradley had been hoping you'd stop by again last night. He'd been reeling since he learned you kissed Jeff right after you'd been kissing him. But he liked you a lot. And he could tell you liked him even though you thought you'd be better off with Jeff.

He'd get you straightened out.

He grabbed a clean towel and headed to the bathroom, but the door was locked. He knocked and heard Tyson and Janessa both respond from inside.

"Don't make a mess!" Bradley yelled. "I just cleaned in there!"

With a sigh, he turned back toward his room, already thinking he'd probably want to wipe down the surfaces when they were done in the bathroom.

"Holy shit," he whispered when he saw the outside of his door. You must have been to the house last night. Either that or someone else was playing a prank on him. He grabbed his phone from his deck and saved the phone number as Sugar in his contacts. While he was in there, he deleted all of the names and numbers of the girls who he didn't even know. That left just a handful of people he cared about, but that was fine, because he was already texting you now.

Then he sat on the edge of his bed with his towel and waited, his morning shower completely forgotten. Because you wrote back.

--------------------------

You were eating breakfast when Bradley texted you.

Sugar, is that really you?

You smiled and squealed as you responded.

Beer Boy, is that really you?

You paced around, waiting for him to write back.

It's me. I wish you hadn't run out on Friday night. Do you like my door?

"Oh my God," you whispered out loud as you wrote back to him.

I do. Are you planning on adding more names?

He wrote back immediately.

No.

-------------------------

The door!! OMG!!! Thanks for reading, please leave me some love! And thank you to @mak-32 for helping me make this fic a reality. This is for you, Mak!

PART 4

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#bradley rooster bradshaw x reader #rooster x you #rooster fanfic #rooster x reader #bradley bradshaw x female reader #bradley bradshaw imagine #bradley bradshaw fanfiction #top gun fanfiction #rooster x female reader #rooster bradshaw x female reader #bradley bradshaw x reader #bradley bradshaw fic

949 notes · View notes

starlightshadowsworld · 2 months

Text

The Wary Weretiger

"You know, I think therapy might be more effective than this." Said Atsushi. He didn't need to turn around to know Akutugawa was rolling his eyes.

"Shut up."

Atsushi raised his hand, catching the orange. "Huh, you even peeled it this time. Must be serious."

He wasn't exactly sure how they got here. Akutagawa had been hunting him down for his bounty.... And than one day just stopped. Somewhere along the lines this had become their routine.

Akutugawa ranted at him, Atsushi sat and ate whatever fruit he'd pick up on the way. Sometimes he'd voice his own opinion and Akutugawa would begrudgingly listen.

It was werid.

But not unwelcome.

It definitely beat having his leg cut off, that's for sure.

"Go on, out with it. I'm busy today." Akutugawa scoffed "and what could you be possibly busy with." Atsushi shrugged "well I still need to get a job."

It didn't matter how much he saved from what he stole from the Orphanage, it wouldn't last him much longer.

"I thought the Agency offered you a position." Said Akutugawa, carefully. As kind as Atsushi was he fought like a caged beast. He could and would ditch Akutugawa if the other offended him.

And Akutugawa didn't want to admit he liked his company.

Atsushi took a bite out of an orange slice "only because of my ability. They're nice people, but I'll find a job myself. Besides that would you my enemy and I am not dealing with that."

His leg would grow back but it was painful. And being on Akutugawa's not bad side was a nice place to be.

Not that Atsushi would admit it.

Akutagawa nodded, he could respect wanting to keep your pride even when you were at rock bottom. But even soo... "Is it so bad for them to want you for your ability?"

Atsushi paused.

"My whole life people have only wanted my ability. They've tried to rip it out of me because they felt entitled to it.... Do you really think I'd want to join an organisation that values it so highly?"

There was an edge to his tone, but also sadness. Akutugawa's eyes went wide in shock.

He unconsciously tugged his coat closer. He wouldn't know what to do if Rashomon was stolen from him.

Akutugawa felt vulnerable just taking a bath, he couldn't imagine how Atsushi felt feeling his ability get ripped out of his skin. It was fortunate that it clearly failed.

It certainly explained Atsushi's distrust of both light and dark.

"I suppose not." Said Akutugawa, going quiet in thought. He went back to his initial question.

"I was once in a situation like yours. I lived in the slums, it was there Dazai found me and I joined the Port Mafia. That became my purpose, and I'm lost without it. But you... You don't have that, and yet you seem satisfied."

Atsushi hummed, thoughtful. "I'm gonna say something, but right or wrong you're not allowed to stab me again."

Akutagawa scoffed.

"I stabbed you one time, stop acting like it was such a big deal.... But very well, I won't stab you."

Atsushi turned to face Akutugawa, putting his orange slices back into a tupperware box. "That isn't your purpose."

Akutagawa is taken aback. He wants to argue but something in him stops him. The way Atsushi spoke to him now was different to how he usually does.

He sounded like Dazai.

Dazai in the quiet moments, the rare moments when Akutugawa hadn't failed him. The all seeing look in his eye as he read Akutugawa like an open book.

"You had a purpose, one you cherished like a second soul. But you lost it. You tried to convince yourself whatever you consider your purpose now is it, but it isn't. And it never will be."

And yet when Atsushi spoke it was kind. It wasn't intended to tear Akutugawa down, quite the opposite. And Akutugawa found himself unable to look away.

"... How do you know this?"

Atsushi smiled, it was small and sad and it didn't fit him like his usual grin did. "You wouldn't be trying so hard to find your purpose if you truly believed you found it."

He looked away, giving Akutugawa some privacy in his own thoughts. "Ask yourself, who were you before the Port Mafia? Who were you back when you were like me? There's you're answer."

Akutagawa frowned, deep in thought. He'd been... He'd been weaker and pitiful. A small child who killed whoever went in his way, but killing hadn't changed in his life.

He was the Port Mafia's Rabid dog, he was still a killer so that wasn't it.

What had he been killing for? In the Port Mafia it was because those were his orders. Because the weak needed to be destroyed to make way for the strong.

Back in the slums it had been for survival. Akutugawa would've died many times over if he'd let those idiots survive. And Gin wouldn't have survived of he hadn't protected her from them.

Akutagawa froze.

... That's what it was. He had been a protector, his reason for killing down in the slums was to protect Gin and his friends.

His friends who were killed on the night Dazai found him... The night Akutugawa lost his purpose and tried to gain another.

But failed.

"I can't get it back." Whispered Akutugawa, suprised that he choked up at the thought. He hadn't thought of them in years.

"You can" Said Atsushi, looking at him again. "The circumstances may have changed, but the core premise is the same. You just have to open yourself up to that."

Open himself up? So Akutugawa had to find something else to protect? That... Didn't seem so hard, given the Port Mafia protected the city from the shadows. And Gin was still with him.

Had it really been infront of him, all this time?

"That's the difference between us" said Atsushi, quietly but Akutugawa caught it. "You had a purpose only to lose it. While I have never had one."

Atsushi chuckled and it was sad again and Akutugawa hated it. He preferred when Atsushi was genuinely happy. When his smile reached his eyes, his eyes that were kind and shined with light.

Now they looked so empty, so sad.

"You think I'm satisfied but I'm not. I have no dreams, no aspirations, my worth is tied entirely to my ability. I live to spite all those that want me dead, to stop them from taking the tiger if I pass on. I have no purpose, not really."

Akutugawa didn't know what to say, all he could do was nod in goodbye when Atsushi left.

He reached down, picking up the half of orange Atsushi saved for him. That he always saved for him, no matter how hard times got.

"You're wrong" he said to the wind as he walked away. "You're so much more than you're ability."

#When you're Atsushi AU has an akutagawa essay in it #The Wary Weretiger #bungou stray dogs #bsd #bsd atsushi #atsushi nakajima #bsd akutagawa #akutagawa ryuunosuke #Bsd sskk #But they haven't realised it yet

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thats-not-okie-dokie · 3 months

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Well I wasn't expecting this, but I found an au that I really like for Welcome Home! So obviously, seeing the absolutely delicious art that @lizaisdrawing makes for the Puppeteer Wally au (delicious for the eyes, that is!), I couldn't help myself. Go give this wonderful creator a follow if you haven't already! I can't wait to see where this goes :)

The way Wallace and Wally are written brings me so much joy, because I can believe that it is them! One thing that pulls me out of an au so fast is characters acting too ooc. They don't feel authentic anymore to me. (Which is not a diss on au creators, it just doesn't align with my personal interests oftentimes) I don't find this a problem at all here! Keep it up

No pressure, of course!

On my artistic side of things, I tried a more textured technique for the shading in this one, and I think my fumbling around paid off in the end. Shading is truly one of my favourite parts of the process! It's where everything comes together, and I can go wild with my brush strokes and have it make sense. And as for getting that human anatomy down, I'm still in a constant battle. Wallace's head took me far longer to get right than I'd like to admit- but at least I came back to it after a day and things clicked more for the rest of the body and Wally. Overall, it was a fun and experimental journey

#welcome home #wally darling #art #digital art #fanart #welcome home arg #wh au #wally darling au #puppeteer wally #welcome home fanart #welcome home wally

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irismoon94 · 1 year

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yours alone

Eddie Munson x Female!Reader

Chapter One: All You Have is Your Fire

Summary: "Things had been going… surprisingly well in the weeks following the night of Lisa’s party.

Still sat against the entry hall wall, your ruined underwear still in his back pocket, the two of you finally talked through the issues in your relationship as roommates and figured out the necessary compromises you both needed in order to coexist together in a way that wouldn’t end up with one of you behind bars for battery. It’s funny what a little open communication can do for people looking for mutual respect and understanding.

Well, the sex certainly helped too."

Word count: 8.4k

Warnings: Smut, 18+, minors DNI! rough sex, penetration, explicit language, biting, choking, pet names, role reversal, feelings realization, semi-public sex, bathroom sex, praise, vaginal fingering, spit as lube, drug and alcohol use, .

A/N: alright so this obviously took longer to update than I planned, but here's chapter one of Part Three as promised! I really am sorry it took so long, but I promise it'll have been worth the wait and so will be the ending!! I hope this smut is enought to make up for it 🙈

(if anyone would like the link to the video that inspired the scene, send me a DM, I'd be happy to share)

Un-beta'd as usual, feel free to message me any typos or tags I might gave missed, and enjoy!!

Part One | Part Two | Part Three Chap. Two coming soon

Masterlist of my other works

Things had been going… surprisingly well in the weeks following the night of Lisa’s party.

Well, the sex certainly helped too.

Between jobs, school, and the separate social lives, you found yourselves increasingly drawn to one another whenever you were both home at the same time. Meals were shared and you even started to hangout in some of your available free time which, not that you’d ever admit it, had grown in favor of spending it with him over other activities. Most of these occurrences would start out innocent for the most part, but inevitably something would pass between the two of you and someone would say something offhand, and the banter would begin, tension growing higher and higher until you were tearing at each other’s clothes and end with you in a pile of sweaty limbs, bruises and bitemarks covering your bodies.

The dynamic had shifted, that much was plain to you, but part of you wondered how much and what that might exactly mean.

Whatever it meant, you weren’t about to risk losing it.

At least for now.

---

Two months later

It was nearly midnight when you finally got back from a group study session that had run far later than you’d intended, and you were only half surprised to find Eddie camped out in the living room with his acoustic guitar in his lap, picking out a soft song on its strings, a look of concentration fixed upon his face. His brows were knit together tightly as he closely monitored his finger placement, with his tongue poking out from the corner of his mouth, hyper focused on whatever song he was working on learning at the moment. You bit your lips into your mouth to hide the smile that formed, the frankly adorable and entertaining look of concentration on his face a welcome sight after spending dreadfully long hours cramming for your exams.

Slipping your bag off your shoulder and placing it by your door, you headed into the kitchen as quietly as you could so you wouldn’t interrupt him, an effort that turned out to be in vain when he greeted you without looking up from his instrument.

“You’re home pretty late, huh?” he observed, smiling at himself after what you assumed was him playing a chord progression correctly.

Opening the fridge and retrieving a beer, you twisted the cap off and took a hearty swallow of the beverage, groaning in agreement.

“Yeah, midterm prep is really kicking my ass,” you replied, wandering into the living room and dropping into the armchair next to the couch.

Looking at him from the corner of your eye, you let your eyes wander over his appearance, appreciating the peeks of skin his cutout shirt afforded you in contrast to the baggy sweatpants half hidden under his guitar. His hair was pulled up in a loose bun he sometimes wore around the apartment, the look suiting him more than you’d ever freely admit. Some of the shorter layers of his hair would fall free from the hair tie and frame his face in such a way that drew your attention to the strong slant of his jaw and then inevitably down to the column of his throat. Of which was currently sporting a couple of fading hickies that you’d left from your last romp in the bed a few days ago.

Should freshen those up soon, the thought rising to the forefront of your brain before you chased it away with another gulp of your beer, slipping down the chair cushions and closing your eyes to listen to him continue playing.

“Everytime I hear you or one of my friends complain about exams and papers and all that shit, I’m reminded how glad I am that I never decided to go to college. Suffered enough of it with my extra years of high school,” he sighed, strumming a few more notes before letting them fade into the air and setting the guitar gently against the side of the couch.

That caught your attention, the small admission about his past snagging on something in the sludge of your exhausted brain and holding there, begging to be examined.

“You had to repeat some years?” you asked, not hiding the surprise in your voice. In the wake of the budding friendship that had started to grow between you, you’d come to see that despite his choice not to pursue higher education, Eddie was smart. True cleverness and wit hidden beneath the mask of bravado he wore around most, only revealed to those he deemed trustworthy and those who had the patience to wait for it.

“Yeah, senior year. Took me three tries and a lot of cheering and support from my uncle and my friends, but I got there eventually,” he explained, gaze going kind of distant, corner of his mouth tugging down in a small frown before he seemed to shake it off and look over at you, smiling warmly.

Your heart tripped over itself in your chest, fluttering pathetically at something that had no right to make you feel like this. You ignored it as the memory of a particular photo from his room came to mind at the mention of his friends.

“How is your uncle?” you asked quickly, changing the subject as you decided that maybe you weren’t feeling quite brave enough to learn any more of Eddie’s past in your current state, exhaustion and partial inebriation weakening your defenses more than you liked.

Something seemed to sharpen in Eddie’s eyes at the redirection but it vanished again as he settled back into the cushions and stretched his legs out, mirroring your posture. And when he lifted his hips ever so slightly and spread his legs, you felt your senses sharpen in response, recognizing the game had begun.

“Wayne’s good, yeah. Visiting his hometown with his old lady down in Tennessee, showing her the mountains and waterfalls,” he told you, sliding his palms up and down his thighs, the movement pulling the fabric across his lap taut. You tried to maintain eye contact, but your peripherals were enough to catch the outline of his dick come into better definition, already starting to harden.

Your mouth went dry and it was all you could do not to choke when you drained the rest of your bottle in order to wet it again, squeezing your legs together as your cunt throbbed in anticipation.

“That's good to hear,” you said, smiling cooly as the alcohol began to buzz in your head. “He’s a great guy. Deserves good things.”

“He really does,” Eddie agreed, regarding you with heavy lidded eyes. “How about you, Princess? How are you? You’re looking a bit warm there.”

Your breath hitched as his eyes trailed down the slouched length of your body before flicking back up to your face, unmistakable hunger in their dark depths.

Leaning forward, you deposited your empty bottle onto the coffee table, sliding a coaster underneath it as an excuse to use the extra seconds to try and gather yourself.

“Just the booze, you know how it makes me all flushed.”

“You sure about that, Princess? Nothing else bothering you? I only ask because you’re looking a little tense too. I could give you a massage if you like? Help you get some of those kinks out,” he taunted in a low rumble, practically purring.

You let a couple beats pass between you before you answered, dropping the facade for another.

“Okay,” you said bluntly, grinning inwardly when his brows disappeared under his bangs as you got up and moved over to him, sitting astride his lap. “What would you do then, if I asked, Puppy? Tell me.”

You watched as he processed your words, grabbing his hands as he tried to place them on your hips.

“Nuh uh, just tell me first, and then we’ll see if I want your help.”

You could feel his dick twitch where it was trapped underneath you, your core tightening in response as well.

“Would start off easy first, work on your neck and shoulders, see what kind of pressure you liked,” he began, voice gravelly as he breathed heavily under you. “Get you nice and relaxed.”

You rolled your neck and shoulders, putting on a show of how tight they felt as you stretched the sore muscles and let a tense moan slip out from the strain of it. Eddie’s eyes widened a fraction at the sound, his nostrils flaring while you arched your back on another stretch that had your pussy pressing against his erection harder, grinding against ever so slightly to tease him with friction.

“That does sound nice,” you considered, finally placing his hands on your hips and squeezing them, but still not letting go. “What else?”

“Would have you lay face down on your bed so I could do your back next. Shirt and bra off, maybe your pants too so I could work on the rest of you if you wanted. Full body massage,” he described, hands kneading and squeezing your hips as you started slowly rolling against him, building the friction you both needed.

“Mhm, very good. Keep going,” you instructed, letting go of his hands to pull your shirt off, tossing it next to you on the couch.

“Get you all loose and relaxed like I said I would, eating up all those little sounds you’d be making, every sigh and moan. Make you feel so good. Would probably be hard as a rock by then too. But I wouldn’t touch you anywhere you didn’t ask me to. Not until you tell me to.”

“And what would you do once I told you I did?”

Testing the waters, he slid one hand up to cup your breast through your bra, waiting to see if you’d pull back again. You just smiled down at him, saying nothing as you waited for him to continue.

“I’d turn you over. Wanna see your face as I touch you. Tease you a little, play with your tits, your stomach, everywhere but where you'd want me to touch except the one play you’d need me to.”

You mewled softly at the image of it in your mind’s eye, Eddie teasing you as he kneeled at your side, fingertips ghosting along your skin, lightly pinching your nipples and skating along the insides of your thighs, avoiding touching your aching pussy. His dick straining in his pants so enticingly close to your face while he played with your body with the same care he showed his beloved instruments, playing with you until he got the perfect sound out of you.

“And when I tell you I can’t take it anymore?” you asked breathlessly, your pulse racing and your body nearly quaking now, your restraint holding on by a thread.

“Then I’d fuck you like no one has ever fucked you before. Until you forget your name, and mine too. Until you came so hard you couldn’t see straight and begged me to stop.”

You stilled in his lap, staring down at him as he paused too, your eyes locked together and the room falling away around you.

“And what if I didn’t want you to stop? What if I told you not to stop, even if I begged? Even if I cried? That the only way I’d ask you to stop is if I said it with a safeword?”

“You want that?”

You nodded.

“I can do that.”

You smiled, relieved that he seemed as keen as you were. Rough sex was the regular for you two, but you found yourself wanting to try something more, something that required trust that you were becoming increasingly sure you could put in him to do it with.

He made you feel… safe.

“Good. Not tonight. But soon,” you told him, getting out of his lap and heading towards his room, shimmying out of your jeans and stepping out of them on the way. “Now hurry up and come fuck me like normal so I can get some sleep.”

Eddie came out of the daze you’d left him in and scrambled after you, nearly forgetting his guitar before running back to get it and then chasing after you again.

Waking up in Eddie’s bed could still be a little bit of a shock when you came to, his scent filling your nostrils before your eyes opened, a baseline of salt and warm skin, mixed with a slight woodsiness that was such a stark contrast from the generic smell of his shampoo and soap. It sometimes made you wonder if it came from living so close to the woods surrounding his hometown, a piece of the wilderness that still lived inside of him even after leaving it years ago.

But whatever its origin, it never failed to draw you in deeper, to where its source lay beside you, usually still asleep until you’d press your face into his neck in a rare act of deeper intimacy. But even more rare than that were the days like today where Eddie was actually awake and up before you, pulling on bits of clothing and the couple of pieces of jewelry that he could wear safely at his job at a garage a few blocks away. So instead of his neck, you grabbed his abandoned but still warm pillow and pressed your face into it to inhale deeply.

“You’re coming to the show tomorrow night, right?” Eddie asked, interrupting your pillow huffing.

Hugging the pillow to your chest, you looked down the bed to where he was hopping on one foot as he pulled on his coveralls. You snorted a laugh as he nearly fell over, pushing up onto your elbows to look at him more clearly.

“Yeah, at eight right? The Crow Bar?”

“Yep, you got it, though if you showed up earlier to wish us luck, I wouldn’t complain,” he teased, grinning at you, the sharp points of his teeth glinting in the low lamplight.

Your thighs ached deliciously at the memory of those teeth in your flesh, the impressions of them bruised into your skin. You slipped a hand back under the covers to press at them lightly, shivering at the slight pain.

“And torture myself with more ear splitting music than I’ll already be doing listening to you play? Don’t push your luck there, Puppy. Besides, I’m already pushing my own luck by coming out instead of studying for these damn exams next week,” you reminded, dropping back against his mattress with quiet huff.

“All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy,” Eddie said in his best Nicholson impression, coming round to your side of the bed, a deranged smile on his face.

“Oh fuck off, I play plenty,” you scoffed, chucking his pillow at him, which he barely deflected in time before picking it off the floor and tossing back over to his side of the bed.

“Don’t I know it. It feels like you used my back like your own personal scratching post, Kitten.”

“Aww, does Puppy need me to put some ointment on him?” you smirked, earning a warning look from him. “I didn’t hear you complaining about it last night.”

“Me? Complain? Never,” Eddie replied with a wink before shrugging on his leather jacket and opening his door. “I know you’ll miss me when I’m not here, but try not to stay in my bed all day, okay?”

You rolled your eyes and gave him the finger before sitting up and wrapped yourself in the comforter, following him out of the room and shuffling into yours to throw on some clothes. He called out a cheery byeeee to you which you returned with a farewell that was far less enthusiastic before you heard the door close and lock. Dropping the blanket, you shivered in the cold before putting on a sweater and soft pants, going over a mental checklist for your day.

Eat breakfast, study, study, try to remember to eat lunch, study, call your parents and try to avoid the topic of dating like the plague, and then study even more before collapsing in your bed to sleep.

Blowing out an apathetic breath, you headed to the kitchen to begin your boring day.

You kind of missed Eddie.

Shit.

---

The next day seemed to drag on endlessly between the two classes you had, both thankfully turned into study halls by your professors, but still agonizingly long. And then you had your shift at the campus store, which was another six hours of taking inventory since the place was practically empty aside from yourself and your coworker and the four, yes, four, you’d counted, customers that came in during that time.

After twenty minutes of closing duties, you were rushing back to your apartment to get ready with what little time you had left, panicking for ten of those minutes to figure out what the hell you were going to wear to a heavy metal bar, not to mention your makeup and hair. Settling on keeping your hair down and lining your eyes with thick eyeliner, you abandoned the search through your closet to dig through Eddie’s drawers instead, yanking on one of his black band shirts overtop a pair of your jeans and some hightops. Deciding this was the best you’d manage, you grabbed your purse and called a cab before heading downstairs to wait for your ride.

It was ten till eight when you actually got to the venue and it still took you almost another twenty minutes just to get inside the damn place, and you were feeling fidgety when the bouncer finally waved you in. The music pulsed in the floor beneath your feet; the sound of a raucous guitar riff, heavy bassline, rapidfire drum beats, all accompanying a voice like a serrated knife that cut through the instruments and the din of the crowd. You took a breath, quickly registering that it was Eddie singing, sounding so different from the quiet voice you’d heard him use at home. The lyrics were edgy and dark, a little angry, but not unexpected given the genre and you made yourself relax enough to walk further inside, searching for the bar as you peeked over the heads in the crowd to try and see Eddie.

A small crowd lined the bar, all the guys wearing variations of outfits you’d seen Eddie wear whenever he went out, leather and denim, various bits of jewelry and accessories that usually bore a skull somewhere on them. The girls however, were all big hair and tight skirts, the darker, more sultry counterparts of the colorful outfits you’d seen at the clubs you’d gone to with friends, with far more black lace and lingerie worn in place of tops. There were a few dressed like you but not enough to make you feel like you were sorely underdressed despite this not being your scene whatsoever.

You caught a few smirks and curious glances thrown your way, but you chose to ignore them and wait patiently for one of the bartenders to serve you. Drink in hand, you searched for a place where you might be able to watch the band play over the pulsing crowd pressed around the stage. Looking at one of the walls, you spotted a couple that seemed somehow familiar to you, the guy looking out of place in a navy blue polo and acid washed jeans, while the girl looked at least a little more conscious of her choice of attire in an outfit not dissimilar to your own.

Approaching more than a little nervously, you cleared your throat and practically yelled, “Hi!”

They moved practically in tandem, both their gazes swinging from the stage to where you stood in front of them, hand raised in greeting. The two of them scrutinized you for a moment before the girl smiled cordially and greeted you back while the guy offered you a cautiously restrained smile and a nod.

“Do you- You guys wouldn’t happen to know Eddie, would you?” You asked, leaning close to be heard.

“Eddie? Oh, yeah, actually!” the girl responded, eyes growing big and smiling even wider at the mention of his name. “We went to school with him!”

Recognition dawned on you then, the picture you’d seen them in coming to mind. A group photo of him and others in green graduation gowns and caps, surrounded by a few other people his age, as well as a gaggle of kids all grinning wide at the camera.

“How do you know Eddie?” the guy asked you, still watching you with curiosity.

“I’m his roommate,” you answered, giving them your name.

The two of them looked at each other before back at you, something unspoken passing between them and causing an embarrassed flush to start creeping up your neck.

“So you’re the infamous roommate,” the guy said, not exactly covering his smirk with a drink from his cup before the girl gave him an exasperated look and punched him in the shoulder.

“Dude!”

Your face fully heated now, your eyes widening as you stammered, “Wait, what do you mean?”

The song came to an end with a thunderous drum and guitar duet that drowned the girl out for a moment before she paused talking and waited for it to finish. Your skin prickled with anxiety, mind racing with possibilities of what exactly Eddie had told them about you. The crowd roared in the short interim between songs, Eddie’s voice calling out over the noise to thank them all for coming and asking if everyone was having a good time before the next song kicked up in a frenzy, Eddie growling the opening into the mic.

Satisfied she might be heard now, the girl started again.

“Ignore him, he’s just being an ass. It didn’t mean anything weird, it just meant that, like, we’ve heard so much about you and it’s nice to put a face to all that he’s described!” she explained, squeezing her eyes shut and making an annoyed face before backtracking. “That sounded bad too, sorry.”

“Good job, Robs.”

“Steve, I swear to God-” she grated out before addressing you again. “It really didn’t mean anything. It’s just Eddie has talked about you a lot recently and it’s kind of a first because he normally doesn’t talk about anyone except for like, himself, and it’s just really nice to meet you. Oh, I’m Robin, by the way, and this is Steve, sorry, should have introduced ourselves before I totally prattled on like that.”

You weren’t sure if you could blush any harder, but if you could, you were pretty sure steam would have been rising from your face like in one of those Saturday morning cartoons you used to watch. The way Robin talked about it, although almost incomprehensible at first, you could swear it sounded like Eddie practically talked about you like you were dating. Which, upon some very quick introspection, is probably what most anyone would assume if you explained it to one of your own friends.

Doing your best to collect yourself, you asked if you could stand with them to watch the show, the two of them taking pity on you and agreeing readily. Taking the spot next to Steve, you could finally see up to where the band was rocking out on stage, Eddie front and center, singing as he played, and looking every inch the rockstar he made himself out to be.

His long hair was already wild from the past fifteen minutes or so they’d been playing, some of it clinging to his sweat damp face, black tank top showing off the lean muscle of his arms shifting and moving as he played. Dark blue jeans with slashed knees covered his legs, chains dangling on the side from the belt loops and one of his bandanas hanging down in the back, swishing like a tail when he moved about on the stage.

The look when combined with his flashy showmanship was making you feel like you wanted to eat him alive.

Taking a swig of your drink, you let the burn of it down your throat ground you as you forced yourself to watch the rest of the band too so it wasn’t as obvious how entirely fixated on him you were. You tapped your foot along with the beat and nodded your head, a pale imitation of the others around you headbanging, but relaxed enough to get into the music. You were no expert on metal, but you could tell that the band was pretty decent and the audience definitely agreed, screaming and pulsing with an energy that had you getting a little lost in it too.

At one point, you managed to catch Eddie’s eye, his already animated expression turning even more manic, grinning sharply before he turned his attention back to the mass of bodies beyond you and let loose on his guitar in a frantic burst of energy. It made you just a little smug that your presence might have affected him to that degree.

“You come to his shows a lot?” Steve asked you suddenly, leaning over to talk in your ear, catching you by surprise.

You shook your head.

“No, this is the first one I’ve been to,” you admitted with a sheepish smile. “Metal isn’t really my thing.”

Steve pulled back to give you a mildly disbelieving appraisal before ducking close again.

“Wait really? I would have never guessed.”

You couldn’t help but laugh, shrugging as you told him, “Stole the shirt from his room. Didn’t really feel like standing out like a sore thumb.”

Steve laughed, a hint of sarcasm in it. “Oh, what, you mean like me?”

“You said it, not me!” you retorted good humoredly. “This your first show too?”

“Nah, we’ve been to a couple before, but we’re up in Chicago, so it’s a bit of a drive for us. We usually go stay in our hometown so we don’t have to drive back home too late,” he explained.

You were about to ask why they never bothered to stay with Eddie at the apartment when Robin unwittingly interrupted.

“You guys! Let’s go mosh!” Robin said excitedly from his side, eyes bright with mischief. “Come on, it’ll be fun!”

You floundered a bit, trying to find a polite excuse.

“No thanks, I’m good with staying here and observing,” you said, wincing at the idea of joining the pit. With your luck, you’d end up accidentally getting your lights punched out and end up with a black eye. “You guys should go though, tell me how it is.”

Steve looked as apprehensive as you felt but he sighed and nodded at her, holding his cup out to you.

“Watch my drink?”

You nodded and took it, mouthing good luck at him. He replied with a silent thanks.

The two of them disappeared into the crowd and you leaned against the wall, taking some solace in being alone again, if only so you could stare at Eddie without worrying his friends could see the hungry way you watched him. Especially the few times when Eddie’s eyes found yours again and reflected that hunger back at you.

---

After the set had finished and the band had taken their instruments off stage, you waited with Steve and Robin, speaking a little easier now that the only noise you had to compete with was the drone of the other people talking amongst themselves while they waited for the next performance to begin. Almost out of nowhere, Eddie appeared beside you, catching you by surprise and nearly making you drop your drink. He smiled apologetically and greeted his friends with hugs before he was whisking you all backstage to hang out away from the mass of people milling about the venue floor. He took you back into a cozy room that barely fit everyone, only big enough to house a few crowded couches and a sparsely stocked liquor cabinet that had already been raided by the looks of it, glasses and bottles on all available surfaces.

Eddie swiftly introduced everyone, his band mates smirking a little when you were brought forward, making you blush again because apparently your roomie was blabbing about you to everyone he knew and it definitely made you feel self conscious despite yourself. But soon enough everyone was returning to their own private conversation and leaving the rest of you to settle into the few free seats left.

You kept close to Steve and Robin, the budding sense of companionship between you all like a security blanket in the unfamiliar scene, and they seemed more than happy to accept you into their little fold as well. Eddie was playing the social butterfly, flitting between groups, stopping by to join yours every so often, his happiness at seeing his friends more than obvious as they all recounted some of their misadventures to your amusement.

You observed the easy way they all fell in together, despite the oddity of the different personalities that made up their little group, and that their bond was likely one that would withstand the test of time and distance as it already seemed to. Part of you wanted to ask about what exactly had brought them all together, but you thought that might be a question left for another time, in a less public space.

After another drink to settle your nerves, you couldn’t help but watch Eddie again as Steve and Robin got into an intense discussion that you’d lost the plot of a few minutes back. The alcohol was quickly to draw your attention to exactly how tight his jeans actually were, leaving little to the imagination, even if you didn’t need your imagination. And then you were leering at his muscles flexing in his arms as he moved them while he spoke, and then down to his hands and the rings glinting above his knuckles, evoking the feeling and memory of them pressed into your throat.

You stood abruptly, your chair sliding back loudly from the force of the motion and drawing more than a few pairs of eyes to find the source of the sound.

“Hey, I’ll be right back, bathroom,” you announced to the duo next to you, maybe a little too loudly, but not really caring to see if they’d heard you.

Eddie however, had heard you, his head inclining just a bit as he glanced at you from the corner of his eye, lips still moving as he spoke. Something charged passed between you, your unspoken invitation received if his smirk was anything to go off of. Turning on your heel, you headed out into the hallway and rushed towards the bathroom you’d seen earlier on your way to the greenroom, adrenaline mingling with the booze in your veins and making you lightheaded as you heard him excuse himself for a smoke.

Finding the door, you pulled it open to find it already occupied by a girl bent over the sink as she snorted something off its surface before wiping at her nose and looking over her shoulder at you. You froze in place as she appraised you with unfocused eyes, the dim red lighting of the room casting deep shadows across her face.

“Oh hey, there, sweetie. You want some?” she offered, swaying just a bit as she smiled dreamily at you.

A warm body pressed up behind yours, hands resting on your shoulders and squeezing gently.

“Hey, Rita, how’s it going?”

Rita’s gaze went to where Eddie stood behind you, her smile turning saccharine as she recognized him.

“Eddie! Hey, baby, how’ve you been? You guys were amazing out there tonight!”, she slurred, vowels all drawn out.

“Aw, thanks, sweetheart,” he said, slipping an arm around your waist and pulling you back into the hallway a bit. “Hey, I think I heard Jimmy looking for you back there.”

Rita clicked her tongue and winced.

“Shit, I better go see what that’s about. See ya, Eds,” she sighed exaggeratedly, her eyes dropping down to where his arm circled around you and then sliding back up to you with a slow wink.

Before she was even out of sight, you were pulling him into the bathroom, barely locking the door behind you as you yanked him into a hurried kiss, swallowing down whatever words were on his tongue with your own. His hands grabbed your waist, holding you close while you nipped at his lip and whined impatiently. Grasping you by the jaw, he held you back just enough to look at your face, his eyes black in the low light.

“You stole one of my shirts,” he observed, tugging at the neckline of it with his other hand.

“Borrowed,” you corrected breathily.

He huffed a dark laugh, brushing his thumb along your lips.

“Whatever. The point is, Princess, that seeing you in my clothes is reaallly doing it for me and the idea of fucking you while you’re wearing my clothes is doing it for me even more and I wanna hear you scream my name while I’m doing you,” he told you, slipping his thumb into your mouth and pressing your tongue down with it.

You felt dangerously close to passing out from the way your blood rushed south at his possessive sentiment, tongue heavy in your mouth even without the pressure of his thumb holding it down. Words were lost to you, leaving nodding as your only way to communicate how much you wanted him, your usual bite vanished in the wake of a new type of desperation he inspired in you now.

Eddie smiled, all serpentine and knife’s edge as he brought your mouth back to his, tongue sliding into your mouth to replace the finger he withdrew, eyes still open as yours crossed and closed. Hands were grabbing your ass and pulling your hips flush with his, the beginnings of his erection pressed between your bodies as he sucked on the tip of your tongue, pulling a broken moan from deep within you. You buried your fingers into his shirt, holding onto him to try and keep yourself standing, unsure you’d be able to stay upright on your own.

“God, look at you, finally being a good girl for me, huh? You should see yourself right now,” he rasped, an idea lighting up his eyes as he spun you around, your reflections staring back at you.

You clenched at the sight, his hand taking its place at your jaw again, cupping it just so as he bent you forward over the sink, his hips pinning your hips to the counter. You felt like you were about to combust, sensory overload taking your arousal to a breath-stealing eleven as he grinned at you and yanked your pants and underwear down over your ass and rubbed his thumb against your pussy, spreading your slick around before pushing it inside you, mimicking what he’d done with your mouth.

Biting back a cry, you tried to let your head drop, but he held it in place, forcing you to watch yourself as he pumped the thick digit in and out of you, wetness pooling around it and down your thighs.

“Ah, ah, ah,” he tutted, switching his thumb out for his middle finger so he could rub your clit in tandem with each thrust. “Keep your eyes on the mirror, Princess. Wouldn’t want you to miss out on watching yourself as I take you apart and make you come. That’s right, just like that, good girl.”

The role reversal was intoxicating. There had been a few instances where you’d let Eddie have some control of the dynamic when you’d had sex, but you’d never fully submitted like this before, and combined with the praise Eddie was giving you, you could feel yourself begin to drift just a little from your body. You fought to keep yourself tethered to the moment, biting your lip hard enough to bleed, using the pain as an anchor to this reality.

“Eddie-” you whined, your voice shrill and needy. “Please… Please.”

“What’s the matter, Princess? Use your words,” he cooed, curling his finger just right inside you, nudging the spot that made you push back harder against his hand.

“Hhnh-Eddie, please. Need you. Need you inside me. Want you to use me, fuck me till I can’t see straight,” you begged, tears already blurring the edges of your vision. “Need it, Eds.”

“Oh, fuck,” he muttered, releasing his hold on you to unfasten his belt and jeans.

The loss of contact made you sob, your neediness winning out as tears slid down your cheeks. Eddie made a soft shushing sound as he pulled his pants down, the head of his cock brushing against your folds before pushing in just enough for your eyes to cross at the intrusion.

Grabbing your hips again, he pulled you down his length slowly at first, your cunt still a bit too tight for anything more, your impatience costing you the immediate fullness you’d craved. You tried to push back faster but he held you in place tightly, giving you a well placed smack across your ass and making you yelp.

“Not so fast, sweetheart. I know you’re eager and all, but you gotta let me enjoy this a little first, yeah?” Eddie chided, scolding you like one would a small child. “And remember, you need to watch, so no closing your eyes, okay Princess? Or else I’ll stop.”

Your lip trembled as you nodded, more tears streaming down your face.

“Okay,” you answered, your voice so small you almost didn’t recognize it.

“That’s my girl.”

You nearly collapsed under the weight of his praise. But just as he gave you almost too much with those words, he withheld just as much when he stayed stationary, cock buried inside you and unmoving as he looked down at where you were joined. Tongue dipping out to wet his lips, you watched him lean forward as he half pulled out of you, spit dripping from his mouth onto his dick before slipping back into you again.

“You look so good when you take me like this, baby,” he murmured, eyes still fixated on the space between your bodies as he finally began to move, sawing his hips against yours, the slow drag of his cock making your back arch. “I love your tight little pussy so much, love how it feels like it was made for me.”

“Eddie,” you moaned, the last vowel drawn out and tight.

The backs and insides of your thighs were drenched with your slick now, every measured stroke further coating you both. It was a divine sort of torture he was inflicting upon you, slowly ruining you with his maddeningly unhurried pace, while every gifted word of filth praise had your soul soaring higher and higher, until you were drifting back in that soft space outside your body once again.

You could see both of you in the mirror but it took a moment to register that his hand was around your throat again, the slightest pressure against your windpipe making you swallow against it as he pulled back nearly all the way before slamming back into you, the clap of skin meeting skin accompanied by your grunt of surprise echoing around the small space. Your whole body lurched forward from the impact, shoving you forward further, but you remained upright with Eddie’s support and stayed there as he finally began to rail you like you’d needed.

His teasing had stripped you down to your basest state, one of pure feeling and reaction, the sounds born of sensation slipping between unrestrained lips and filling the charged air. Eddie’s own pants and groans joined them, laced with more pretty compliments of utter filth that he gifted you with each plunge of his cock.

“God, Princess, look at you. Can you see how fucking gorgeous you look right now? Sound so pretty too, like you just can’t get enough of it. You can’t, can you? Tell me-fuck!- Tell me how much you love it, wanna hear you say it,” he rasped, pulling you up from the sink and into his arms, pressing his face into the crook of your neck and sucking a mark into it.

Your vision faltered from the position change and you whimpered his name, reaching behind you to hold his head as he kissed his way up the side of your throat.

“Ah! It feels-,” you panted, struggling to find your words. “Feels so good, Eds. Feels incredible. Don’t stop. Please don’t stop!”

“Keep talking, baby. Tell me more.”

It was difficult to find any thread of coherent thoughts, so you just babbled, your words slurred as you described how you felt.

“You’re so deep in me. Can’t stop feeling you so deep. Always wanna be full of you, always. You make me feel so fucking good- hnnng- just like that-”

You craned your neck to look at him, half aware you were looking away from the mirror, but the urge to kiss him was irresistible and you pulled him to you anyways, planting an open mouthed kiss to the corner of his mouth until he was kissing you fully again.

Eddie’s rhythm began to turn erratic, his hips starting to stutter a bit and you knew he was getting close. His grip on you tightened and you slipped a hand between your legs to play with your clit, pushing yourself closer to your climax.

“Sweetheart, I- I’m getting close,” Eddie stammered, his breath coming out in uneven gasps that made you dizzy.

“Me too,” you whispered. “Wanna come with you, Eddie.”

Leaning you back down, Eddie pressed your hands into the counter, his fingers lacing with yours as he kissed the back of your neck before hooking his chin over your shoulder, his labored breaths in your ear. The angle allowed him to hit even deeper inside of you, brushing your g-spot perfectly as the pressure at the base of your spine began to grow faster, a tidal wave on the horizon that you'd been waiting for with open arms. You could feel your body tense and start to shake as Eddie brought you to the edge, the edges of your vision starting to go hazy.

“Come on, baby, come for me. Wanna hear you say my name as you come.”

That was all it took for you to feel like the floor had dropped out from beneath you as your orgasm slammed into you, ecstasy growing exponentially until it was near cataclysmic in its intensity, his name the prayer on your lips as your vision went white.

“Fuck! Eddie, I’m coming!” you sobbed, devastation rolling over you as you felt him follow you, his hips slam into yours once, twice, and then one final time as he buried himself deep inside of you and came, filling you completely.

Your body was still twitching with the aftershocks as he laid himself carefully on top of you, the weight of him settling you back into your body as you both came down. His dick was still pulsing every so often inside of you, your pussy still contracting around it too, greedily milking him for every last drop, even though it was already starting to spill out the sides. It was fucking filthy, the feeling of it seeping in between your still conjoined bodies, and you couldn’t think of anything you liked more in that moment, messy and nasty and gross, and you loved it.

You loved it because it was him who’d done it.

You loved-

You inhaled fast and sharp at the realization, the tears that had slowed after your climax fillled your eyes again, dropping to the plastic pressed under your cheek. Swallowing hard, you untangled one hand from his to swipe them away, trying to bury the emotions that had flooded into your chest and begged for attention, pleading to be shared with the one who elicited them from you.

“You okay?”

Eddie pushed up from your back gently, dropping a too chaste kiss onto your shoulder as he did, not knowing how it made your heart do vicious somersaults again and again in your chest, the absolute bastard. Blinking the tears away again, you turned to look up at him as best you could and smiled.

“Yeah. Yeah of course,” you rasped, voice beyond wrecked. “Not excited about facing everyone after screaming your name like a goddamn banshee only a room away, but yeah, I’m great.”

You weren’t quite sure he believed you. His expression just a little scrutinizing before he grinned back at you and chuckled.

“I mean I’m pretty sure they all knew what we were about to do when you announced you were about to go to the bathroom and I oh so unsubtly followed. And if that didn’t tip them off, Rita sure as fuck did.”

You bit back another moan when he slipped out of you, the feeling of his come slipping out of you making your eyes cross.

“Shit,” he cursed, grabbing a wad of toilet paper he knelt behind you to try his best to clean the mess that had dripped into panties, before dabbing at your fucked out cunt and the mess on your thighs. “Your underwear and jeans might be fucked.”

You snorted and pushed yourself up and off the sink, testing your legs. Deciding you were probably steady enough by now to not fall on your face, you stood up fully, tossing a look down at him over your shoulder, lifting an eyebrow at him expectantly. Smiling again, he tossed the used tissue into the toilet and grabbed the waistband of your bottoms and began to pull them up. Just before pulling them over your ass, he bit one cheek quickly, enough to make you yelp before yanking your clothes up and over for you to fix.

“Asshole,” you groused, stifling your smile at the playful gesture.

“You love it.”

Love more than that, you thought woefully, your hidden smile losing some of its mirth.

---

Just as you were finishing fixing your appearances, a loud knocking came from the door, instantly warming your cheeks with embarrassment.

“Hey Eddie, if you guys are done trying to drown out the band, can you hurry up? Some of us need to take a leak and I don’t fancy doing it in the alley,” a masculine voice called, good humor coloring the request.

Eddie dragged a hand over his face and nodded unseen to them.

“There are other bathrooms in this place, ya know!”

“And there are other places to fuck around in, but I still gave you time to bust a nut, now hurry up! ‘Sides, your friends seem like they’re ready to go anyways.”

Unlocking and opening the door, you fixed your heckler with an unimpressed look and gestured for him to move. Grabbing Eddie’s hand, you pushed past the guy and ignored his bewildered expression, leading the way down the hall and focused on steeling yourself for the inevitable sly looks you’d be receiving and not on the continuous stream of you love him’s playing on repeat in your head.

Returning to the green room, you dropped Eddie’s hand and avoided looking at anyone directly as you made a beeline for your abandoned chair next to Steve. Grabbing a half full glass of something brown on the table in front of them, you swallowed it all in one go, grimacing against the wretched burn, not particularly caring whose drink it might have been. Eddie stood behind you, propping himself against the back of the chair and making the hair stand on the back of your neck at his close proximity. You needed to get out of there fast, get your head on straight and really think everything through, before you ended up doing something stupid.

“There you guys are!” Robin greeted, smirking as she looked between you two, earning a wink from Eddie and a wince from you. “We were getting worried you’d Irish Goodbye’d us.”

“Nah, no way, would never do that to you guys. Just needed some fresh air,” Eddie excused, no one buying the obvious lie, Steve even rolling his eyes and getting a poke in the ribs. “Sticks said you guys were talking about heading out?”

“Yeah, we promised my parents we’d try to get in by midnight, and we’ve already pushed it by staying this late already,” she said, looking more than a little apologetic. “But! We’re staying till Sunday morning and we can stop back in for lunch if you’re free then?”

The three of them continued to chat, making plans as you sat there in the middle of it all, too stuck in your own head to really process what was being said while you were trying to formulate your escape. It wasn’t until you heard your name that you came back to the present and saw the three of them staring at you expectantly.

“Sorry, what?”

“We were asking if you wanted to come Sunday too,” Steve supplied helpfully, smiling at you.

You blinked at him before looking up at Eddie, the hopeful look in his eyes making you swallow thickly.

“Oh, I’m- I don’t know. I still have some exam prep I need to do-”

“I’ll buy your lunch,” Eddie interjected quickly before you could finish your excuse. “C’mon, sweetheart, it’ll be fun!”

You knew you should say no, that you needed to put space between the two of you before that hope in his eyes grew into something unmanageable, for both of your sakes. But before you realized what you were doing, you were giving a half hearted sigh of exasperation and agreeing, earning a cheer from the three of three of them and a shoulder squeeze from Eddie. Your skin felt warm from where he’d touched you.

This was a mistake.

You’d made a terrible mistake and this was going to end so badly. But you couldn’t find it in yourself to deny him this little bit of happiness.

Even if you knew you were going to break his heart sooner rather than later.

-----------------------

Taglist: @dumbslxtclub, @tlclick73, @prestinalove, @unfocused81

#eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson/reader #eddie munson/you #eddie munson x female reader #stranger things #eddie munson smut #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson imagine #stranger things fanfiction #roommates series

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barbarianbookhoe · 8 months

Text

Chapter 6

Taglist: @vainillasmil157 @bookloverfilmoholic

A/N: i don't think there's any warnings, this one's mostly fluff, little angst and flashbacks! Sorry it got so long ...

Apologies for any grammar mistakes, it's almost midnight while I'm editing this!

(I know Y/N and Kaz as "kids" are going to sound like adults, but hey, this is the language of Ketterdam) (Also, there's a little getting jealous of Inej, but no Inej slander!)

Age 13: "I wanted to know who you are"

Kaz knew 3 things about the girl: 1, She was younger than she looked, 2, She was hiding something, and 3, Her name was definitely not Eliza.

He's been watching her ever since she first came in six months ago. At first, Kaz thought she was there to replace him, and therefore made her time in the club stressful. Leaving glasses everywhere, hiding her cleaning cloth, basically being an asshole.

That all changed, when one night, while he was coming back from a job with a few guys, Kaz saw Y/N changing into a cat in the alley next to the club, and follow a merchant inside. It was Pekka Rollins.

Kaz went inside the club and saw the cat lying down on the floor, under Pekka's chair. He watched the man having a conversation with Per Haskell, and noticed that the cat's ears picked up their voice. She was eavesdropping on them.

Kaz catched the girl when she was about to step out of the place, and guided her to an empty alley and confronted her.

"Who are you?" He asked harshly and saw the girl look at him in confusion. "What?" "Who are you?" Kaz asked again, this time more seriously. "I-I clean the tables, that's all," "You're lying. You're a shapeshifter who eavesdropped on Pekka Rollins, and now is acting like it never happened. You're hiding something important. Who. Are.You?" The girl kept her scared and innocent facade for a few seconds longer, then dropped her face and stared at him in anger.

"Nobody. And I'd like to keep it that way, pretty boy," She whispered harshly and Kaz raised his brows. "So you admit you're hiding what you are?"

"This is Ketterdam. No one's who they say they are," She said and crossed her arms. "Including you, and those black gloves of yours. You think I can't see when you're pick pocketing customers in the dim light?" She tilted her head looking at Kaz expectantly. The boy stood there for a second in complete surprise, but then he regained his composure.

"You're spying on me." He stated and the girl hummed. "So are you. The only difference is our intention,"

"And what do you think my intention is?" The girl quietly chuckled as she answered. "Suspicion. You think I'm a danger to this club, this gang. I'm not after the Dregs. I'm after Pekka Rollins," She stated and Kaz's eyes widened in shock. "Why?" The girl hesitated, before stepping closer and quickly whispering to him. "Because I want him to suffer, and die like the rat he is,"

Hearing the anger in her voice, Kaz stared at her with a hint of amazement. He took in the girl in front of him, and felt a sense of familiarity with her hidden violence. Kaz knew that look, he saw it every time he looked into a mirror.

He spoke up with a newfound, cold calmness. "Then we destroy him,"

"We?" The girl asked and Kaz turned to her. "I'm familiar with your hatred towards the man. One mind can kill him, but two can take everything from him," He saw the way her eyes lit up at his words, and she smirked at him. "I'm curious about what damage the two of us will do,"

She turned around and began walking away, but before she could get further, he quickly stopped her. "You didn't tell me what your intention was. For spying on me," Kaz asked and the girl answered simply.

"I wanted to know who you were. And now that we're going to work together, I can't wait to find out."

Age 14: "Every step of the way"

Kaz had a reason to be angry. He was listening to Y/N scolding him for the thousandth time that week. It all started when she saw him walking instead of resting his leg. She put him back in bed, then he sneaked out and she caught him again. Right now, she was scolding him for running on a job with other Dregs members. Their argument consisted of Kaz rolling his eyes and making sarcastic comments, eventually fueling Y/N's frustration. Maybe it wasn't the best idea telling her to fuck off.

"Kaz, I will not leave you to run around the city with a broken leg!" Kaz rolled his eyes again at her words."It's not broken, the medic said I can walk on it just fine,"

"He said you're going to limp for the rest of your life," Y/N looked him dead in the eye. "Exactly, a limp. Which means I can still walk." He told her and stood up to go to the door of his room, but Y/N was quick to push him back on his bed. "Walk, and not run! Kaz, I thought you were smart." She said and sat down in the chair next to his bed. Kaz stared at her in frustration. "How long will you scold me for running with a limp? You did that too," Y/N scoffed at his words. "Yeah, but my leg wasn't broken." She stood up and opened his bedroom door. "You want to be on your feet all day, so be it. Just-" She turned back to look at Kaz and pointed under his bed. "Just make sure you use that. I'm going to beat the shit out of you if you don't, because I stayed too much after work for it to collect the dust." Y/N went out of his room and closed the door.

It wasn't closed for two seconds when Kaz practically jumped off his bed and pulled the object wrapped in multiple layers of newspaper from under his bed. He tore the paper apart and when he saw what the object was, he just stared at it for a minute. Then he saw the small letter that fell out of the wrapping and quickly read it.

"Dear boy who boils my blood,

I hate it when you think I don't know when you sneak out, but maybe this way I can be with you every step of the way. I hope it suits your taste.

P.S. I added some extra weight to it."

He tried not to smile as he inspected the cane.

It was black, with silver painting on the bottom, and on the top of it was a beautiful silver crow, with silver eyes, the beak almost as sharp as a knife. Kaz lifted the cane and felt its heaviness and furrowed his brows. When he moved it around, like he was using a hammer, a smile crept upon his face.

Y/N made a weapon for him.

Age 15: "Take my hand, and take my heart"

"Son of a bitch!" Y/N yelped and grabbed her chair's armrest. "I told you so," Kaz said from behind her, also sitting on a chair, his back to her. They were getting the Crow and the Cup tattoo at the same time, because lately they found each others company indispensable, comforting even. Aside from their comments and teasing, of course.

"Just wait till the needle hits your skin too. You're going to yelp like a school girl," Y/N growled as she tried to stay still in her seat. She heard Kaz's movements as he rolled up his shirt's sleeve and held it to the tattoo artist to start the tattoo. When the needle pierced his skin, Y/N felt his chair move as he jumped a little. She giggled, "Isn't it wonderful, Kaz?" "I need a drink," He answered instead, which made her laugh, but it soon turned into muffled groaning, as the needle hit a sensitive spot on her forerarm.

They didn't speak much after that, since they were too focused on keeping their composure. Truth be told, they didn't need words to know how the other was feeling. Y/N grabbed the arm of the chair multiple times, indicating that she was about to scream. Kaz exhaled rather sharply, which meant he was close to stabbing himself with the needle, just for the pain to end.

When Y/N let out a yelp, Kaz didn't even hesitate to find and grab her free arm, his back still facing her. He didn't want to risk the needle going any deeper into his skin, than he would've liked to.

"Motherfucker!" Y/N shouted and squeezed Kaz's hand with so much force she could hear the leather creak in her hands. His face didn't even falter, but his heart? It was going ten miles per second, just like his thoughts, that seemed to overflow all of a sudden.

Does she has soft skin? Are her hands cold or warm? Does her hands have scars from working with the gunsmith? What would it feel like to interwine their fingers? How long can he touch her, before he feels like throwing up?

Then his heart told him things, things he sometimes naively wished to say, when they were alone in the club.

You were an unexpected surprise, the defining moment. You could never stay in one place for too long, and yet, I was the one you constantly came back to. You pulled me out to shore when the waves rose higher, threatening to drown me. You're the anchor that ties me to this world, making it less lonely beside you.

Without realizing, Kaz interwined their fingers and whenever he felt like loosening his grip, Y/N readjusted their hands. It was like as if she were able to read his mind, knowing when he was about to slip away.

They stayed like that for the rest of the evening, while the two men finished their tattoos. Y/N drew slow circles on his hand, comforting him, and Kaz squeezed her hand, encouraging her. When they finished and Y/N let go of their hand, Kaz grabbed it again and squeezed it one more time, trying to make her understand his thoughts.

Take my hand, and take my heart too. You robbed it from me, and I don't want it back. It's yours now, yours to own, yours to lose. I promise in the name of all the Saints I don't believe in, you will never have to fear the dark when you're with me.

It was only a second, maybe half a second, but it changed everything. Y/N was never going to forget the feeling of their fingers interwined, before he dropped her hand and regained his cold composure.

She finally knew how it felt to hold his hand. She wanted more.

And Kaz Brekker? He was hiding a grin, for he never once felt like throwing up during the touch.

Age 16: "A girl worth fighting for"

"No, fuck you Kaz!" Y/N shouted at the boy in front of her in his office. Their ranks in the Dregs rose quickly, with Kaz basically leading the gang himself, and Y/N being their "secret" weapon. Using her shapeshifting abilities came in handy, especially when Kaz ran out of plans. (Though he would rather carve his tongue out, than admit that).

"What do you want me to say? That you're unreplaceable? Because you're not. None of us needs you anymore," Kaz casually said and Y/N looked at him in shock. He took a deep breath, before lifting his head up and continuing. "I didn't mean-"

"Yes you did." She said and Kaz couldn't ignore the small crack in her voice. "Then what the fuck am I doing here? Why not throw me away as soon as you brought Inej in?" Her tone got angrier by each word she spoke, but Kaz looked at her with a cold stare.

"You're valuable for the team." He said and looked away, searching through the numerous papers on his desk. Y/N scoffed. "Valuable my ass! I'm not one of your soldiers, I'm your fucking friend Kaz!"

"Oh, do you want me to treat you differently? Maybe talk with you about our hopes and dreams, and how are we feeling? I'm not your fucking lover!" His eyes held no recognition of the man Y/N knew. This wasn't her Kaz anymore, this was Dirtyhands. "And if you keep acting like I am, I'll throw you out on the streets myself." He sat down in his chair and didn't look up, not even when the girl left and slammed his door on her way out.

He couldn't concentrate on the work he was supposed to do. He tried and failed multiple times, and when even the glass of kvas wasn't enough to keep his mind off of her, Kaz marched into the night to find her.

He went to the shop, the bakery next to it, the marketplace, the library, her favorite antique shop, the Slat, and just in case Fifth Harbor. When he still didn't find her, he knew there was only one place left where she could be. He didn't like it.

Kaz came to a halt at the front step of the house, on the outskirt of the Financial District. Y/N told him countless stories about her time in her aunt's house, and now that he was standing in front of it, he felt like he knew the place.

If Kaz had to be honest, he felt somewhat afraid in that moment. After he knocked loudly on the door, he counted the seconds until it opened. Dirtyhands wasn't scared of anything, he was a fearless man, but the boy standing there wasn't him anymore. He was just Kaz, who was afraid of losing someone important to him.

"What did you say to her?" Raffiel, Y/N's brother asked Kaz, and he felt himself swallow before replying. "Something I shouldn't have. I need to talk to her," Raffiel only looked at him with a furious look. Kaz noticed the fire in his eyes, reminding him of Y/N when she was angry. "I believe you talked to her just enough. Bye." He went to close the door, but Kaz stopped him with his cane. He pushed the door open with it and stepped inside without a second thought.

"I came here to apologize, and I'm going to, wether you like it or not." Kaz told Raffiel coldly and the two of them stared each other down. None of them broke the eye contact, but Kaz could feel his hands starting to sweat under his gloves. A voice made both of them turn away from the other.

"Is that true?" Y/N asked standing on the staircase, her arms crossed. She looked down at Kaz, who in return stared at her with sincerety in his eyes. She saw the tiny change in his look, and nodded her head upstairs, not looking back to see if he followed her.

When Kaz was about to step on the stairs, Raffiel stopped him. "I've known you for a while now, Brekker. But if you hurt my sister ever again, I'm going to paint the Barrel red with your blood," He whispered to him and Kaz scoffed at him. "Many tried and failed."

"I believe Y/N will succeed one day," Raffiel told him and Kaz furrowed his brows. When the man saw his face, he watched him with curiosity. "I have a question for you, Mister Brekker," He mockingly said the 'Mister', "Who is she to you?"

"I came to apologize, not to have an interrogation." Kaz answered harshly and attempted to walk up the stairs, but Raffiel stopped him again. "But why would Dirtyhands apologize to anyone at all? Especially my sister, a regular gunsmith?"

Kaz didn't have an answer. Actually, he had multiple answers, consisting of curse words and sarcastic comments, but the smirk Raffiel gave him told him everything he needed to know. He won't believe any shit excuse Kaz might come up with, so he had no choice but to tell the truth.

"I'll ask once again, who is she to you?"

The old words came to Kaz with ease. No one. A spy. A great asset. But there was something else, a voice shouting at him, making everything else disappear from his mind. She's my friend, my partner, my anchor. She's the one keeping me on the surface, when the tides get tough. She's someone worth dying for. Kaz answered with the outmost casualty.

"She's a girl worth fighting for." But before he could completely disappear from Raffiel's line of sight, he spoke up with a small smile.

"Find me when you believe she's worth living for."

Age 17: "I always noticed you"

The heist got royally fucked up. The guards decided to change posts a second earlier, the rain didn't stop before midnight, and they were low on weapons.

Y/N, once again, was Kaz's secret ace up his sleeve during a robbery with Inej and Jesper. The latter two got told to go straight back to the Slat, preferably unnoticed, while Y/N and Kaz were running for their lives.

Actually, it was Kaz who was running, with Y/N flying above him in the form of a crow. They neared Fifth Harbor, when Kaz was attacked and abruptly pushed to the ground. The man was almost twice his size and thrice his age, but Kaz fought him with great strength that lied beneath his skinny frame.

Y/N quickly flew to the back of the attacker's head and began pecking it and scratching the man's face as hard as she could, making him wave around with his hands, trying to get her off of him. When he suddenly punched Y/N, she fell to the ground and briefly saw the man pushing Kaz into the deep water.

As if she were guided by some primal instinct, she attacked the man in an instant and scratched his eyes. The man was shouting in pain as one of his eyes began bleeding and stood up to face the bird.

Y/N turned back into human without a second thought, and continued what Kaz started. The fight went on for longer than she would've wanted, and it made the worry in her grow by each second. She finally sliced the man's throat, before jumping into the harbor after Kaz. The ice cold water shocked her body, and it only made her go faster. She knew what the water represented for Kaz, and it broke her heart that he was currently sinking in those memories.

When she felt her hand touch Kaz's coat, she clutched it firmly in her hands and began pulling themselves up. Her muscles felt like they were on fire, but she didn't dare to stop. She wouldn't let Kaz sink, not now, not ever.

When she finally broke the surface, she took a big gulp of air like it was her first breath. She held Kaz close to her chest as she started to swim to the docks on her back. When she reached it, she quickly braced herself for the power it was going to take to pull Kaz on the dock above them.

It took her several attempts to finally bring the both of them on top of the wooden surface. She quickly turned Kaz onto his back and checked his pulse. It was faint but it was there. Her worry turned into panic as she let go of the ice cold skin under her fingertips.

"Sorry." Y/N whispered to him, as if he could hear her. "I'm so sorry," she repeated as she quickly pulled Kaz's coat apart and began the chest compressions. She counted each compression, but after thirty, the numbers left her brain, and she began something she stopped doing many years ago.

She was sending a desperate prayer to the Saints she once believed in, hoping they had not yet turned their backs on her. She knew it wouldn't change a thing, but still she sent prayer after prayer as the seconds turned into minutes. She didn't notice when she started to speak out loud, but she didn't stop.

"I beg of you, please bring him back!" Y/N pleaded as her eyes filled with tears. She fought to keep them from falling. "Wake up Kaz! Please, wake up for me!" She said and stopped the chest compressions to gently shake his shoulders. "I know you don't need me, but I need you! I need you to wake the fuck up and look at me!" She shouted at his face but the response never came. "Please, I want you to look at me," Y/N whispered as the tears escaped her eyes and clouded her sight.

"I don't know if you can hear me but I want you to know, that I, that I don't hate you. No matter how hard I try to. What I do hate, is the fact that even now, you can never turn your face at me. And yet I-," Y/N scoffed as she looked away and continued. "Yet, I tend to forget about that whenever I look at you. Whenever you think you're slicked back into the shadows, I know you're there, because somehow I'm always able to notice you. Funny, how we can deceive ourselves in the most ironic way possible. I saw you, but I never saw my true feelings, until recently. I'm so fucking oblivious," Y/N's words turned into a whisper at the end, like she was afraid someone could hear her admit her feelings.

"But I know for sure that you don't feel the same, because if you did, you would give me some kind of hint outside of your usual glares. I just wanted you to see me, to look at me, to-"

"I always noticed you." Kaz said as he coughed up some water. Y/N was quick to help him sit up, so he'd be able to cough up the rest. After a few seconds he stopped, and spoke again. "I always looked at you," Kaz whispered as he lied back down on his back, closing his eyes for a second before opening them.

When he looked up into Y/N's eyes, he felt his heart stop. As the midnight moon shined down from behind her back, it drew a faint gloria around her head. Kaz didn't believe in Saints any more than he believed in the afterlife, but in that moment, he could swear he found his religion.

And he would try every day for the rest of his mortal life to be worthy of the love showed his way.

"What?" Y/N asked in a confused tone. She didn't know if this was a dream or a hallucination. "If you took some time to really look at me, you would know that I spend my every free minute watching you. I can't find the reason why." Kaz said the last sentence with some frustration, before he continued, this time making sure to keep looking at Y/N and not turn away.

"You make me want to know more and more about you, and it makes me frustrated that this curiosity won't leave me alone, not even in my sleep," Kaz told her and abruptly sat up. The movement made Y/N realize she was still holding Kaz's waistcoat at his chest. When she noticed it she pulled away, but was stopped by Kaz's hand, which gripped her hand and squeezed it for a second, before dropping it.

"You occupy my head even when I don't want you to, and no matter how hard I try to erase you from my mind, you manage to sneak your way back in by simply existing. It's fucking annoying." His words came out as a threat, but Y/N learned long ago how to read between the lines. And what she found made her heart swell up in her chest.

"Can I ask, how long have you been... annoyed by this?" She asked as naturally as she could, and thankfully Kaz didn't catch the excitement she tried to hide. "The night we got the tattoos. Everytime I catch a glimpse of the Crow and Cup, my thoughts get drowned by you. It's irritating and I can't put an end to it." Kaz said and Y/N fought hard to keep the serious look on her face, but eventually she gave up.

She sweetly smiled at Kaz, to which he looked back at her with raised brows, question in his eyes. Y/N took a deep breath before she spoke up. "You're an evil man, Kaz." She whispered and Kaz's lips turned into a slightly wicked smirk.

"That never stopped you before." The statement lingered in the air for a minute, before Y/N spoke with confidence.

"And it never will."

Present: (Age 19)

The two days after Inej woke up were pure torture for Kaz Brekker. It was hard for his brain to focus on the map of the Ice Court longer than 10 minutes, and he was starting to consider asking Matthias to crack his skull open. He was certain the Fjerdan would most definitely enjoy his request.

There were also other pleasant things occupying his mind: thoughts of him ripping his eyes out so he wouldn't be able to look at Y/N, or cutting his ear off, so he wouldn't be able to hear her voice or laugh. While she took care of Inej along with Nina, she didn't really talk to him, or look at him, or even stayed in his presence for too long, not to cause any more suspicion in the others. And it was slowly driving Kaz mad.

Ever since their almost kiss got interrupted by Nina (who Kaz cursed in his head everytime he saw her), he couldn't get a grip on his emotions. On the outside he remained cold and serious, calm even, but on the inside Kaz was fuming with rage and an emotion he never thought he'd experience: desire.

The desire to kiss and kiss and kiss. At first, when Kaz thought of kissing Y/N, he got nauseaous about the idea of putting his lips against someone else's. But curiosity got the best of him, and one night he pressed a small kiss on her jaw. The action made the adrenaline rush through his veins. He realized he wanted more. That is why he tried to kiss her a few months ago, even though it ended with him shaking in the corner.

He had been craving her ever since. For the past almost three months, Kaz wanted to kiss her more than he wanted to do anything else. He wanted to finally kiss her, and after that, kiss her day and night, until their lips were sore. He never knew he was capable of feeling such strong emotions, and it made him crawl out of his skin.

Hearing Y/N laugh, hearing her voice, seeing her walk around on the ship meant no good for Kaz. He fought hard to hide even a glimpse of his thoughts, whenever Y/N put on one of his shirts. Of course the others didn't notice this because the shirts were usually hidden underneath her vest, but it was something that made Kaz's heart speed up just a little. He reminded himself that he had to be extra careful, now that there was a Heartrender on board. Ghezen forbid she began guessing about his relationship with Y/N.

And if all of these didn't make Kaz want to tore off his skin, than the smug look on Y/N's face certainly did. She didn't know the reason behind Kaz's frustrated behaviour at first, but when she did, she did everything to make it worse. With her actions she sent a message to Kaz, a bet. She wanted to see if he'd give up his composed facade before she did. Without words, he reassured her that he won't back down, no matter how hard she might try to break him.

The days ahead of them were going to be painfully long, since neither of them liked to lose. And the tension around them could burn down the entire ship, if they werent't careful.

#grishaverse #shadow and bone #shadow and bone fanfiction #six of crows #kaz brekker #kaz brekker fanfic #kaz brekker x fem!reader #kaz brekker x reader #nikolai lantsov #nikolai lantsov x reader

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deepperplexity · 6 months

Text

Prompt 2. Restless Waiting [B1]

Pairing: Snape x Fem!OC

POV: First, OC

Setting: Hogwarts, Severus Office

A/N: Day two of rickmas2023 - let's start a little longer story for our dear dungeon bat, shall we? 😍👏 I've been wondering what kind of story to do for this dark, complex man and I have arrived at something connected to canon yet with some additions - he deserves love, and love he shall have. But, it won't be easy 👀 Are you ready for a more lonely, darker story that eventually leads to a HEA? 😘

Tags/TW’s: Pining, Unrequited Love, Secret Love, Longing, Worry, Taking Liberties (decorating without permission), Snape is a Death Eater, Largely Following Canon Events, Nervousness, Fainting.

Word Count: 1.4k+

LINKTREE // AO3 // MASTERLIST

“Where is he?” I asked aloud, pacing his office while hugging myself to ward off the awful chill that seemed to line the walls of the entire dungeons. One would have thought I’d be used to it after all the years as a student, and then an assistant professor, only to eventually become a professor myself working alongside the man I’d held so dear for more years than I cared to admit — given how young I’d been when it all began to bloom within me. Not really appropriate, but, the heart wants what it wants as one says. Not that his heart seemed inclined to feel the same as my own, I never gave up though. If I so had to pop up in hallways between classes just to get a few words with him, it's what I did. Or when I arrived before anyone else in the Great Hall to take up the seat next to his preferred chair, or lingered in the dungeons after hours when he made rounds — I put the effort in, but it seemed to only make my own heart grow heavier and fuller of him despite the lack of reciprocation. Perhaps that was why I'd turned desperate? The fact his habits and routines had begun to differ a lot lately had me worried too, to be perfectly honest.

“Oh, this is ridiculous,” I sighed and tried to loosen my muscles by shaking out my arms. “He’ll be here when he’ll be here.” Even if he’s late, too late… I couldn’t help the worry seeping in even if I knew there was no use for it. So, rather than linger on the echoing thoughts bubbling with fear like an overfilled cauldron above a fire too big I busied myself with the surprise I’d spent weeks planning.

Given how Severus hated the holiday looming closer, I felt the urge to make it better — make the holiday something to look forward to — even if I had no right to do anything for him. He wasn’t mine to do anything for, anything with — yet I tried, by Merlin I tried. I’m selfish, a selfish wicked witch.

“Oh, Belinna!” came McGonagall’s surprised voice. I turned only to see her stand in the doorway with a bewildered look as she took in the galore of candles, tinsel, and garlands wrapped in green satin strings glimmering in the yellow glow from the hundreds of little flames. “Everything alright, McGonagall?” I'd been caught, like a pixie in an immobulus charm, and my heart stuttered while every muscle in my body stiffened. “Oh, oh yes, dear. And it’s Minerva, if you please,” she said with that usual harsh mothering tone. I simply smiled and nodded while I relaxed at it being her in the doorway, my mind focused more on the man not in the room than the woman I had to thank for my first employment as an assistant professor though.

“How can I help you?” I asked, tugging my hair behind my ear as it had crept loose from the bow holding it. “Well, dear, I’m trying to find Severus. Have you seen the man?” she asked while still looking all around the room in confusion. “He must be going mad,” she mumbled, looking around his quarters while shaking her head in that specific way of hers which made her turkey neck jiggle cutely. It eased me further, her presence a comfort while my nerves seemed to cord themselves tighter.

“Oh, I’m waiting for him, I don’t know when he’ll be back but I wanted to surprise him.” “Oh, oh dear, well, I do believe you have succeeded in your endeavour to do so. Perhaps I ought to let Madam Pomfrey know, in case there is a heart attack coming her way this evening.” I laughed out loud, even if the thought frightened me, given just how little right I had to do what I’d done to the man’s private office.

“Belinna, dear, when are you going to tell the poor man how you feel?” “W-what do you mean? I’m not sure what you're talking about,” I said with a fumble. “You’re quite obvious, you know. And you’ve waited far longer than necessary. We all know.” “Except the man it matters for to know,” I mumbled while hugging myself once more, looking around the room with a sorrowful sort of joy. “You’re as bad as he is,” she grumbled with a sigh while turning before closing the door — leaving me more confused than ever. What in the cauldron is that suppose' to mean?

***

I must have wrung my hands to the point of soreness at some point an hour ago. The candles were going out one by one, melted to nothing but little stumps, allowing for the darkness and chill to creep ever closer despite all the decorations spreading that holiday cheer I adored to a degree that wasn’t exactly healthy perhaps. Bordering on obsession, to be perfectly honest — as one should strive to be when appropriate.

My feet ached after all the pacing so I sat down on the sofa in front of the unlit fireplace. My heart didn’t beat any faster, only more painfully so as the night crept toward morning and Severus was nowhere to be seen. I was exhausted, drained from the pacing, the worry, the waiting, the barrage of thoughts I had no right to think yet constantly did. The change of his habits and routines, the darkening of the world, the harshness turned nearly stony lately in his eyes... It had me on edge while I felt such a desperate urge to get closer, no matter how much distance he put between us.

I knew, knew what he was and why he disappeared from time to time. I knew he was a Death Eater, knew he was part of the Dark Lord’s servants — the people who sought to kill people who weren’t pure by blood. My blood was pure, but many of my friends were not and the people I called family (by choice) had no magic in them whatsoever. Yet, still, I loved him. I was in love with him. 1981, the year he returned to Hogwarts as a professor, I had just started my third year, I was a speck among the Slytherin students back then. Not bullied, nor popular, not well-liked, but not disliked either. I just existed, in the middle somewhere.

It was still the same now, at age twenty-eight, with a professor title and years of life experience — I was still the one stuck in the middle. Not noticed, yet not avoided. I was welcome yet there was always a distance of some kind. “But I’d like to be noticed by him, and held close…” I mumbled as my eyelids fluttered shut and sleep began to creep in as the world was slowly filtered out and I sagged into the sofa with only him on my mind and worry in my heart.

***

I jolted awake, the loud banging still ringing through the space as shuffling, dragging feet against the stone flooring came after it. Panted breaths, drawn heavily, out of tune with the other sound filled my ears as I turned in a flurry. My hair flicked about my face, since long abandoned by the silken band I’d tied it with, and the second I had a clear view my eyes found him. “S-Severus, I’m-, I’m sorry!” I said as I stood while his pale face and stiff body filled the doorway. “I know it’s not my place, I’m-, I’m sorry,” I blubbered frantically at his harrowed, broken appearance while his harsh eyes finally found me after sweeping across the room in what appeared to be something close to utter pain, devastation even.

“Belinna…” he exhaled as if relieved. His voice was strained and hoarse in a manner I’d never heard before — nor ever wanted to hear again. It was wrong, something was entirely wrong. I stepped closer, my body turning colder at the sight of his ashen skin. “Sev— SEVERUS!” He crumbled right before my eyes, I threw myself forward, catching his head before he hit the stone floor below while knocking over a side table — sending tinsel and candle stumps flying through the air while my heart screamed in worry for the man I loved with the entirety of it.

…To Be Continued…

LINKTREE // AO3 // MASTERLIST

A/N: I am so ready to follow these two - I have an incline to what I want to write for them but my creativity can take me in unexpected directions - there will be a HEA though (it's Christmas time after all 🤭) but I have a feeling there will be hardships first - and we'll probably end up travelling far in time 👀 Gaaah, can't belive it's December and I get to do this with you all, thank you or being here darlings! 🖤

Q: What's your favourite Christmas song(s)? A: I have a few, and funnily enough, they're all Swedish 😂 Like, Swedish (my native language) isn't my fav language but when it comes to music gosh we make some fantastic music and it hits me so hard - especially Christmas music. If you're interested, here are a few: Den vintertid Nu Kommer - Miss Li Solglasögon I December - Emil Assergår Nysnö - Jens Hult Min Störst Önskan - Klockrent! Staffansvisa III (Staffan's Song) - Lennart Lundén, Lund Cantores Cathedrale, Evan Svanholm Bohlin Mer Jul - Axel Schylström Jul - Snowstorm Julkort Från Vårby Gård - Josef Johansson, Nina Mira

TAGLIST: @lizlil @snapefiction @darkthought15 @monstreviolet@flowerdementia @marvelschriss @once-upon-an-imagine @ravennight14 @caseydoodles98 @slytherinprincess03 @theconsultingdetectiveswife @grimmyhild @monster-energies @myobscureimaginarium @snowblossomreads @eternal-silvertongued-prince @cherryglossie @setsuna-meiou31 @helena211 @a-queen-and-her-throne @justsaturn0 @turvi @imwithyoutiltheendofthelinebucky @sunnylikesfrogs @mamawolfsmith16 @dianilaws @sassanoe @snapesrn @bernadette-peters12 @sammy-13 @smartowl999 @castleofthorns

@serenanight87 @morphineisouthoney @meteoritewolf69 @bionic-otp @elizabeth-baelish @romanceandsarcasm @severuslovebot @leah1243 @glowstar826 @rickmandowneyjr @yellowbadgermole @snapesangel @a-queen-and-her-throne @impulse-anchor @commodoreseverus @writewithmarites @alisongurl13 @yan-senna @writewithmarites @reinekefoxart @nixislight @lokisbjchnl @lght-n-drk @ladykardasi @lyrixsnape @sunset90 @mamawolfsmith87 @snowblossomreads @ladykardasi @a-queen-and-her-throne @eternal-silvertongued-prince @lyrixsnape @daddythanatos

Want to be tagged? 💚 You can tag yourself HERE! Or tell me and I’ll gladly tag you! 😍

[Dec:2023]

#rickmas2023 #rickmas #alan rickman #severus snape #snape fic #christmas fic #rickmaniac #pro snape #snape #snape x OC

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goforth-ladymidnight · 3 months

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On ACOTAR Faeries and Names

For some reason, SJM undoes most, if not all, of traditional faerie lore in her books. (I haven't read TOG or CC so I can't comment on those.) The cynical part of me thinks it's because faeries can be difficult to write well, therefore she took the easy route; the more forgiving part of me thinks it's because she set out to explore why humans believed certain myths about faeries, but then lost interest as she spent more and more time in the realm of the Night Court. (Side note: I find it odd that SJM chose to emphasize that the Illyrians are NOT really faeries, whether High or "lesser". I honestly wonder why that is.) Regardless, there's nothing very faerie about SJM's High Fae, etc. except for their ethereal beauty and pointed ears and the fact that they can do magic, I guess.

I've already written about Aging and Lying when it comes to ACOTAR's Faeries, and I thought I'd touch on another aspect of faerie lore that SJM chooses to ignore. (Heh, that rhymes.)

Names.

His [Rhysand's] eyes shifted to my face. “What’s your name, love?” Giving him my name—and my family name—would lead only to more pain and suffering. He might very well find my family and drag them into Prythian to torment, just to amuse himself. But he could steal my name from my mind if I hesitated for too long. Keeping my mind blank and calm, I blurted the first name that came to mind, a village friend of my sisters’ whom I’d never spoken to and whose face I couldn’t recall. “Clare Beddor.” My voice was nothing more than a gasp. ~ACOTAR ch. 26

Clare and her family are killed because Rhys revealed that name to Amarantha, even though he admitted later (in the next book) that he thought she made it up. So, Feyre's fears were not unfounded, but once she is Under the Mountain with everyone else, she is still reluctant to give her name when Amarantha asks for it.

Lucien is even brought forward and refuses to give away Feyre's name. For his defiance, Amarantha orders Rhysand to shatter his mind before Feyre finally gives in and shouts her name for everyone to hear. The Lady of Autumn even repays her sacrifice by helping her with one of Amarantha's "household tasks".

What is the sacrifice, though? It would seem that the only reason Amarantha wants to know her name is because Feyre knows hers, and wants to address her "properly":

“Feyre,” Amarantha said, testing my name, the taste of the two syllables on her tongue. “An old name—from our earlier dialects. Well, Feyre,” she said. I could have wept with relief when she didn’t ask for my family name. “I promised you a riddle.” ~ACOTAR ch. 35

In traditional faerie lore, it is said that names have power, so giving a faerie your name gives them power over you. (It is important to note that they cannot take anything from you. It has to be given.)

There is a scene in Hayao Miyazaki's animated classic in which the young protagonist Chihiro signs a contract to work for the sorceress Yubaba. In a beautifully animated sequence, her signature floats away and into Yubaba's waiting palm. She literally signed away her name. Chihiro is then given a new name in exchange: Sen. By the next day, she has already forgotten her original name and her purpose (freeing her enchanted parents). It is only when another ensorcelled young man gives her the bundle of her old clothes with a card in the pocket (with her name written on it) that she remembers who she was, and why she's there.

I just think it could have been very interesting to give Feyre a similar plotline in ACOTAR. By giving Amarantha her name, she no longer has it, and can no longer remember it. (And since the story is told in first person, it's easier to convey.)

How she gets her name back could be handled in one of two ways: Lucien gives back her name like the true friend he is, or she doesn't remember it until the very end.

If we explore the second option, this is what I'm thinking: Amarantha sought to break Feyre in mind, body, and spirit. The one thing she could never take from Feyre was her love for Tamlin.

“I love you,” I said. “No matter what she says about it, no matter if it’s only with my insignificant human heart. Even when they burn my body, I’ll love you.” My lips trembled, and my vision clouded before several warm tears slipped down my chilled face. I didn’t wipe them away. ~ACOTAR ch. 43

In my Faeries and Lying essay (linked above), I think it would have been more powerful for Amarantha to want Feyre to admit to lying about her love for Tamlin. In the same vein, I think it would be that much more impactful for Feyre to admit that even if she does not know her own name, she knows she loves Tamlin, and that's enough.

It's the one thing Amarantha couldn't take from her. It's the reason Feyre went Under the Mountain in the first place. And most importantly, it's the answer to the riddle. Love. And that's enough.

#my essays #sjm critical #the farther we get from the first book #the less magical it gets #acotar is a better standalone book #acotar worldbuilding #missed opportunities

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dawndelion-winery · 2 years

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Student Mentor

Dottore × GN! Reader

For the benefit of new students, the academia often paired them up with a senior for at their first month at the academia - though many often became collaborators and ended up hanging around together for longer than that.

You were roaming the halls, an information sheet of your buddy in hand, searching for your senior. Most of them had been thoughtful enough to line the halls, keeping an eye out for their assigned juniors as well, but yours was nowhere to be found. Some other students had been kind enough to approach you, noticing how lost you seemed.

“Would you mind if I took a look at that information sheet? I might know- oh…him. Yes, follow me, you poor thing, just know that you can look for me if you need help ok?”

You weren't sure what they had meant then, with the way their face scrunched up in disgust at the sight of your student mentor. But that made itself clear when you met him. The kind senior knocked on a door before peering in only to be shoved out by gloved hands. A face followed soon after, startling red eyes glaring at you both for intruding.

"Geez, I'm just here to drop off your junior."

"Oh, right, I'd forgotten I had to do that."

He waved his hand to shoo the other senior off before ushering you inside. With that, silence fell over you as you found a seat and he returned to whatever contraption he was tinkering with.

You were hesitant to approach him, still chilled by how coldly his greeting was - if it could even be considered a greeting. So you decided to work on your own theories, scribbling away in your notebook, attempting to calculate though much of it was out of your depth. You had gotten so engrossed in your own thoughts, so lost in numbers that you couldn't quite grasp at, that you hadn't noticed him standing in front of you, leaning over your work and scrunching his face in disappointment.

"So this is the idiocy I have to work with...no matter, I can handle this much."

You jumped with a start, looking up at him. You were even more confused when he pulled up a chair beside you and began pointing out the mistakes in your work. But you weren't one to turn down free help, so you nodded along, taking note of every piece of advice and criticism he had. As much of an ass as he was, you had to admit that he knew his stuff.

Yet a small part of you questioned why he seemed to care. He had called you an idiot, after all. You had yet to realise he he didn't really think you were completely hopeless, or he wouldn't have bothered teaching you.

You later found that buddying up with a junior gave him more leeway with the academia's regulations. That and he was hoping to get a loyal assistant out of it. Not that you were opposed to the thought; his research was the sort you wouldn't find anywhere else and couldn't possibly come up with on your own. If you were being honest, you felt like you learnt more from him than you did from any of the professors or scholars.

"Mm, accurate enough," he commented, returning your papers to you. You couldn't help the small smile that made its way onto your face, knowing how nitpicky he could be. It would seem your little joy caught his eye, as he ruffled your hair. "Sometimes I think you're a little too easy to please."

Blinking slowly, you asked him, "Is that a bad thing?"

"Not at all, it works out quite well for me, since you're a valuable asset for me to keep around."

Valuable. Dottore, who was oh so difficult to get along with, thought you were valuable. This time, you truly couldn't bottle it in, beaming at him as you caught him in a hug. You heard a small "Hey" in protest, but he made no move to push you off, only poking at your head in annoyance.

Deciding to push your luck, you buried your face further in his chest, stifling your laughter. By this point, he figured it'd be easier to play along until you had your fill, so he pat your back for a good twenty seconds before telling you enough was enough.

"Get off now, you've gotten your hug."

Taglist[send an ask to be added/removed]: @myluvkeiji @pluvioseprince @aqui-soba @favonius-captain @tiredsleep @raincxtter @loverofthe-stars @gensimping-for-all @irethepotato @almond-adeptus @mx-kamisato @yuzuricebun @chaosinanutshell @howlantic @codename-hiraeth @andreiling01 @callmemeelah @sadlonelybagel @plinkuro @thevictoriousmoon @mastering-procrastinating

#genshin #genshin impact #genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #dottore #dottore x reader #genshin dottore #dottore fluff #winery specials

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stanheightsimp · 2 months

Note

Hi!! Can I request something?

Adam Stanheight x Male Reader nsfw headcanons or a nsfw fic (w an established relationship) where Adam survived the bathroom trap and comes home to the reader then they have soft slow sex with lots of tears and I love yous and stuff?

Thank you!!

This request is amazing, I feel so inspired omg ????? Hope you like it, anon!!!! It's been a long time since I wrote MxM, it was difficult (but fun). (It took longer than expected, I got sick!)

Bring Me To Life | Adam Stanheight x Male!Reader (NSFW) angst!!!

"Make me feel alive" - You find your own way to comfort Adam | 2478 words

My spirit's sleeping somewhere cold Until you find it there and lead it back home Wake me up inside (save me) Call my name and save me from the dark - Bring Me To Life, Evanescence

🪚 Content Warning : NSFW smut, unprotected sex, mention of past trauma (canon)

MINORS DNI

Adam, your boyfriend of 2 years, had been missing for seven days. Seven. Days.

On the first day, you thought he'd probably ended up in police custody without being able to warn you. With all his stalking, this was bound to happen! You didn't worry too much.

On the second day, you woke up to cold, empty sheets. You'd gone to bed the night before, hoping that when you woke up, Adam would be there. But he wasn't.

On the third day, you got really worried. You called Scott, but he told you he hadn't heard from Adam since the last concert. You even called his parents, with whom he'd been on bad terms since his coming-out. And you started making the rounds of Jersey's police stations and hospitals, looking for anywhere he might have been admitted. But nothing. So you filed a missing persons report for Adam.

The fourth, fifth, sixth and seventh days were hell. You were deeply convinced that something had happened to Adam.

On the night of the seventh to the eighth day, the emergency services called to let you know that Adam had been found. Alive. In a bathroom, tied by the ankle to a rusty pipe.

Adam spent three days in hospital, before they allowed him to leave.

And there you both were, back in your shithole apartment, walking out the door hand in hand. All the way home from the hospital, he hadn't uttered a single word. Adam didn't talk much anymore.

Are you all right? you asked Adam as he stepped through your doorway, a rhetorical question designed purely to break the silence.

No, replied Adam in a weak voice.

Of course he wasn't all right. He was even skinnier than he had been before his capture. His eyes were dead. This was no longer the Adam you'd known. A small, fragile figure standing in the doorway with a hesitant air, as if it wasn't in this house that the two of you had been living for several years now. You understood instantly. That's because it was in this apartment that Adam had been captured.

It's okay, Adam, you say, holding him gently against you. It's going to be all right. I'm right here. Nothing's gonna happen to you.

He let himself go gently against your body, nestling his face against your neck and inhaling your scent deeply. You felt him tremble slightly against you.

It's okay, you repeated, the palm of your hand rubbing his back in regular circles.

I thought… I'd never see you again, he confided. It was the thought that obsessed me most. There I was, sitting in the dark, and I… and I…

You could only imagine what it felt like to have been captured, to have woken up in a tub of ice water. To see a man cut off his own foot before shooting him in the shoulder. To be alone in the dark, with only a corpse for company, the corpse of someone he had killed with his own hands. To cling to that faint hope, Lawrence's "I won't lie to you".

I… he stammered, unable to speak further.

His voice derailed. Adam was crying. You'd rarely seen him cry. Adam didn't cry much, except when his barriers collapsed. Your grip around his body tightened.

It's over, Adam, you're through, we're together.

Kiss me, he replied, urgency in his voice. Kiss me, please.

Your lips captured his, cautiously, gently. He responded instantly, with an eagerness that surprised you. His mouth parted, his tongue met yours, and his body pressed against yours. He pressed you to the wall with a vigor you hadn't expected given his weakened state, and deepened the kiss, moaning against your lips. Adam wanted more than just a kiss, that was undeniable. You let your lips run down his neck, as your hands slid under his shirt, against his torso and sides.

His knee slipped between your legs and you felt him smile against your lips. Fuck, his sweet breath. You couldn't get enough of Adam's taste.

Oh, Y/N… Adam gasped.

You felt his breath quicken, his body pressing against yours with desperate urgency. A rush of guilt came over you. You put your hands on his shoulders, hesitating, preparing to gently push him away.

Make me feel alive, he breathed, almost pleading. Make me feel something other than… than this.

Under normal circumstances, you'd have granted his wish. You'd ravage him the way he loved. But not here. He was so fragile, so breakable, under your hands. Instead of giving in to these most primitive of impulses, you decided to slow down, taking the time to caress Adam's slender body with your fingertips with a form of reverence. It was like rediscovering every square inch of his skin. It was like tasting him for the first time.

If he needed more, you'd give him more.

That's when you realized how much you'd missed Adam. How much you'd missed his smell. How much you'd missed the warmth of his skin, how soft it was under your hands. How much you'd missed the way his hair went all over the place. How the taste of his lips was something you could never, ever do without. It was something you'd often thought about, in spite of yourself, when he'd disappeared. That if something had happened to him, you'd go the rest of your life without being able to taste him, touch him, smell him again. You'd thought that the last time you'd kissed him, you hadn't enjoyed it enough. You'd suddenly realized that Adam, his smell, his taste, the texture of his skin, his body, his laughter, his kindness, were things you'd taken for granted, to the point where you no longer savored every kiss, every caress, every sexual act. You hadn't been grateful enough to have him in your life.

I'm going to make you feel loved, you whispered. Let me take care of you.

With every caress, you felt his taut body melt beneath your hands. His eyes closed, and a moan escaped from his parted lips. You don't know whether he or you initiated the movement, but you found yourselves on the sofa, you on top of him, pressing against his little body.

I love you, Y/N, Adam murmured.

I love you too, Adam. Close your eyes.

He shook his head:

No, no… I want to see you, I want to…. he began to stammer, his voice racing.

Okay, okay, you said softly, putting a finger to his lips. Okay. Look at me.

Adam quivered under your touch, squirming pleasantly under the reassuring weight of your body, and his reddened eyes never left yours. Gently, very gently, you removed his flannel shirt, then his T-shirt, leaving him shirtless, with only a bandage on his right shoulder. You questioned him again with your eyes, checking if he was willing to continue. And he was. Fuck, yeah, he was, as evidenced by his growing erection in his pants.

I want you so much, you confided, nibbling indecently on his earlobe.

His cock almost quivered. Your kisses traveled down his neck, savoring every inch of skin beneath your lips. You could feel his pulse beating against your tongue, fast and feverish, like a caged bird. Then your lips slid down his collarbones, as Adam's hands caressed your back, urging you on. His erratic breath grazed your neck, burning. You felt yourself getting hard, very hard. Your cock pressed impatiently against your jeans. Desire surged through you, a delicious heat spreading throughout your being. You needed more, you needed him. You wanted to taste him, touch him, feel him inside you, merge with him.

Do what you want to me, you breathed against his lips, nibbling his bottom lip.

You felt Adam's fingers trembling with desire unzip your fly, freeing your throbbing cock from its denim prison.

I'm going to ravage you so, so much, said Adam in a hungry voice that sent a violent shiver down your spine.

I'd love nothing more, you replied.

His fingers wrapped around your length, and you closed your eyes, stifling a moan.

I want to hear you. Don't hold back, Adam said with a smile.

You whispered his name, and Adam's lips stretched into a satisfied smile.

Normally, he would have called you "good boy" or some other puppy name. But not here. He just started stroking you, his hand tight against your cock, going back and forth. Fuck. Fucking little bastard. He knew the perfect rhythm to make you go nuts. His thumb gently caressed your glans, spreading the precum there.

Feeling Adam jerk you off wasn't enough. You needed more. You gave desperate thrusts, and Adam smiled.

You want to ride me, don't you? he said, and fuck, that was exactly what you wanted.

In one movement, he pulled down your jeans and boxers, which ended up on the floor with his shirt. Then he got rid of his own pants, and finally took off your shirt. Your movements were messy, sloppy, and with every move you let out impatient moans. Your heart beat furiously with anticipation in your chest, your cock throbbing with impatience for Adam to touch it again.

Adam caressed your cheek, dipping his gaze into yours. His lashes were still slightly damp, his eyes still a little red. His gaze was deeply melancholy.

If you only knew how much I love you… he said.

Your fingers grazed his jaw line:

I love you too, Adam.

From your cheek, his hand slid up your neck, fingertips sliding down your spine to between your buttocks. He inserted a phalanx inside you, eliciting a pathetic, begging moan.

Second phalanx. Your cock was gorging itself with blood, you needed him so badly it was painful.

Third phalanx. He had inserted a whole finger inside you.

- Are you all right? he asked, pressed against your lips.

So thoughtful. So kind. You nodded feverishly, eager for more. He inserted another finger inside you.

So tight, he commented. So tight… you can tell I haven't taken care of you for seven days…

He paused, his breath catching, realizing what he'd just said. He bit his lip, almost ashamed:

Oh God, Y/N I'm sorry…

Fuck me, Adam, you replied. Fuck me as hard as you missed me.

He began a gentle, delicate but firm movement with his fingers, moving in and out of you, while your hand wrapped around his cock. He was harder than he'd ever been, and you could have sworn his cock was bigger than usual. You began to jerk him off, feeling him get even harder under your grip. His head tipped back and he moaned your name in such a slutty tone that my god, it's a wonder you didn't cum in the second. And his fingers, his fucking fingers, long, slender, nimble, kept pounding your ass….

Eagerly, he withdrew his fingers, aligning the tip of his cock with your entrance, pressing it gently, but with a dull impatience.

And it was you who impaled yourself on him, feeling his fingers digging into the skin of your thighs. You closed your eyes, getting used to his presence inside you, clinging to him as, inch by inch, you felt his cock filling you, stretching you.

Fuck, Y/N… he murmured with a hoarse sigh. So tight… So hot...

In that instant you were nothing but a puddle of pleasure, unable to utter a coherent sentence. You moved slowly, your muscles stretching and contracting around him, and your nails dug into the skin of his shoulders.

He put his hand on the back of your neck to draw your face to his. You felt his lips curve into a wry, greedy smirk.

Are you ready? he asked, a purely rhetorical question, because he knew you were more than ready.

He kissed you, his tongue caressing yours fervently. You responded eagerly, your breath coming in short, ragged gasps. It was almost too exhilarating. His hands reached for your buttocks, and with his hips, he set a faster and faster rhythm, his eyes still in yours, his breathing quickening with his movements.

Faster, Adam, harder… you moaned, burying all restraint, all rationality.

Adam obeyed with undisguised joy. His hips slammed into your buttocks with violence as he pounded you with all-consuming passion, sending little electric jolts through your whole body. Your hands caressed his torso, moving up to his face, cupping his cheek. He tilted his head to one side and caught your thumb between his lips, sucking it with an innocent yet mischievous expression.

Do you like what you see? he asked, your thumb still in his mouth. You'd like something else in my mouth, wouldn't you?

His tongue swirled around your thumb and he smirked at you. You imagined him with your cock deep in his throat, your hands in his hair, guiding his rhythm. You pushed your thumb deeper into his mouth. Your imagination galloped as you straddled him.

His fingers tightened a little more on your buttocks, and he quickened the pace a little more, his backstrokes becoming messier, more desperate. You could feel the tension building inside you, each stroke bringing you a little closer to a precipice into which you were only waiting for one thing: to fall.

Adam… you moaned, and your body arched, sending him to the gates of his release.

He was the first to come, his cock throbbing inside you, spilling deep inside you. You came right after him, spraying a trickle of semen down his torso, all the way to his face.

Your body collapsed onto his like a house of cards, and almost instinctively he tightened his arms around you, his chest rising and falling rapidly. Your fingers tangled in his hair.

I love you, Adam, you say. Thanks for…

I needed it, he said hoarsely. I wanted… I wanted…

His face buries itself in your neck.

It's okay, now. We're together, you say.

He nodded, and you felt a few tears mingle with his warm breath against your skin. You moved to find yourself lying next to him, withdrawing Adam from you and getting used to the sensation of now being empty.

You gently turned him on his side and he came to snuggle up to you, a sobbing little spoon who, until a few minutes ago, was fucking you as if his life depended on it. You scratched his head affectionately.

It'll be okay, Adam, you promise.

Oh, yes, there would be bad days. But you'd be there.

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armpirate · 8 months

Text

The Only One || JJK || Ch. 27

Pairings: mafia!jk x fem!reader

Genre: smut, angst, mafia, contract relationship

Warnings: Prostitution, torture, blood, use of drugs and weapons

Summary: You've always wished for a better life. Every single day at work, you were hoping something would change. Although you didn't think that change would come in the form of one mysterious man and a contract.

His controlling and selfish behaviour only wanted to keep you away from any other man that wasn't him, and you only had to wait for him.

Too bad you really thought you'd be smarter than Jeon Jungkook.

Previous || Next

MASTERLIST

Aprox. time of reading: 15 minutes

Chapter warnings: [Violence] Torture, disfigurement. [Smut] Unprotected vaginal sex, explicit talk, masturbation (male and female).

Y/n stared at the well crafted ceiling, concentrating on all the details from the lamp after her eyesight was able to focus after a few seconds. She woke up suddenly, in the middle of a deep breath, forcing her body to turn on her back as she tried to find a way to get rid of the pressure she suddenly felt on her chest. Her muscles completely relaxed when she was aware of where she was.

Sneaking her arms out of the blanket, she was finally aware of it. She only brought the pillow with her, but she had to admit she was able to sleep better thanks to being covered from the cold. She guessed Jungkook might've brought it before going back to his room, either when he went to check on her or maybe when he went for a glass of water in the middle of the night.

Closing her eyes again, she took a deep breath. There was no point in worrying any longer, she was safe again.

Peace and silence got interrupted by a cracked scream as soon as she stepped out of the couch, resting her feet against something chubby. Startled, and taken by surprise by it, she lost control of her own body and fell over Jungkook's body -who got her as soon as she landed on his chest. That fall worked as a dimmer for her body, feeling the pain on every single one of her bruises at once.

Soon there was nothing to be heard, except of their gasps and whimpers by that clumsy accident.

—Are you okay? —he made sure to ask.

—Yeah —she nodded—. What are you doing here? Imagine if I had stepped on your head instead...

—Don't act like it isn't something you want to do —he scoffed.

And maybe Jungkook was right. She certainly would've stepped on him weeks ago, even being aware that he was sleeping on the ground. But, in that exact moment, after everything that happened, it didn't even cross her mind. She was feeling guilty for not checking out first, but that guilt didn't take long to disappear either. Her mind was getting filled with him, his proximity, his fresh scent invading your nostrils, the shiny ring on his pink lips...

She for sure wanted to do something, and stepping on him was the last thing on that list.

—Maybe you're right —she nodded—. But I'd want to be conscious of what I'm doing, at least. This was an accident... unfortunately —she raised her eyebrow playfully.

—I'll let you step on me as many times you want to if that makes you happy.

That sentence, mixed with the look he was giving her and the new low his voices reached, made all of the hairs in her body rise with excitement.

—Be careful of what you wish.

Still chuckling at her own comment, Y/n tried to get up from the floor, pushing the weight of her body on her arms. A sudden stitch on her elbow made her lose her balance for one brief second, getting Jungkook to sit on his knees fast to make sure she wouldn't fall again.

—Are you okay?

Still holding her elbow, Y/n nodded. She had been through worse, and her body has been in worse conditions than that. She for sure would be able to get through it with no problems. She also was able to recognize the pain in her arm. Everything that happened those weeks, and that fall a few minutes before, contributed to what she usually called "Common pain". It wasn't broken, and she doubted it was a sprain either. It wasn't something that couldn't heal by itself after some rest and ice.

—Yeah —she nodded again—. It just hurts a little bit —she admitted, holding her elbow with the opposite hand.

—Maybe I should call Joonwoo, and get you some medical tests.

—I'm okay —she cackled—. Trust me. It just needs time.

—If it keeps hurting you after a few days, I'll get your ass to the doctor's, like it or not.

Holding back her laugh, she just nodded and agreed to the deal. She wasn't missing much if she did as he said for once.

—I'll prepare some breakfast.

But before he could completely get up and attempt to walk to the kitchen, his phone was ringing on the coffee table of the living room. Changing the plans, Y/n smiled.

—I'll prepare breakfast instead.

Getting lost in the way her hips swayed with every step she took, and how small she looked on his clothes, Jungkook picked up the phone only to be dragged back to reality.

—All of them are here.

Yejun's voice was pretty recognizable, and it wasn't like he didn't expect the call at any point during the day.

—Good.

Jungkook was still half asleep, and still drunk by the brief proximity he felt with Y/n just a few seconds ago. But the mention of the men that were looking after her while she was at Sanhyuk's brought him back to reality.

—I'll deal with it later —he let him know—. For now, just keep them where they are.

—Okay, sir.

As soon as he was aware of Y/n's state, he wasted no time getting every single name that came and left from that house while she was there. Five men and one woman. All of them being carefully watched until she finger pointed at the ones that dared to lay a hand on her.

After having breakfast together, Y/n was aware of Jungkook's sudden silence and seriousness, compared to how vibrant he woke up in the morning -despite falling all over him. She wanted to know what was going through his head, or whether the call he received was the cause of that change, but she understood that maybe those were limits she wasn't supposed to cross yet -or never at all.

There was a slight change in the way he looked at her while they were eating. His expression was still serious, but he seemed concerned by the way she tried to hide some whines whenever she had to move her left arm higher than her muscle was allowing her to in that moment.

—I need you to do something for me —he caught her attention—. If I showed you a pic, could you tell me who were the ones that did all those things to you?

—You don't need to...

—Y/n —her name left his lips in a warning tone—. I need to, and I have to.

—Sanhyuk was the one who did it most of the time —she gulped, avoiding eye contact with him—. But, whenever he didn't feel like it, he sent someone else to do it instead.

—Was it only one person more?

—Two.

Nodding, Jungkook took his phone out of his pocket and tried to find the pictures Yejun sent him the past night. He scrolled over them in front of her, letting Y/n look at those faces carefully while she tried to remember who was in charge of her punishments whenever Sanhyuk felt too tired to do it.

Y/n pointed at two of the men that he showed, shiverings rising all over her body as she remembered the look on their faces whenever they were told to beat her up for any bad word or bad look she dared to give.

Dongsun and Dakho.

They were shitty hitmen with little to no future in Seoul, at least until Sanhyuk chose them to work with him. He wasn't surprised, Jungkook didn't even think those two had enough brain cells to think by themselves without receiving orders.

—I need to leave to the hotel for a few hours —he let her know—. You'll be safe here, there will be bodyguards out of the house in case...

She nodded, making sure Jungkook felt free to leave whenever he needed. She also knew he wasn't going to the hotel -or, at least, she doubted that was the reason he was leaving. Right after asking her to tell him who beated her up those weeks? She for sure didn't know him enough, but she wasn't dumb and was able to link some dots together.

—I'll be okay —she assured him.

She finally felt okay.

✸ ✸ ✸

The five men, including his source in the house, and the woman were all kneeling in front of Jungkook, with their hands tied to their backs. The six of them were beaten up as soon as they got there, and they were all going to have the same fate. The only difference was that he'd allow three of them die fast, and in the most painless way he could think of.

A quick sign from him, and the loud and impacting sound of the gun echoed in the plated walls of the place they were in. Three gunshots from the Magnum one of his men were carrying, with five seconds of difference between each shot.

He was able to see the panic on the other three that were still standing, soon begging for their lives while crying. But not only he was played by one of them, the other two found joy kicking and punching someone innocent, that had done nothing to any of them, finding joy in her pain. It was only fair to pay them the right same way.

—Who wants to be the first one? —he ironically asked.

Smiling at how pathetic they three looked, he raised his index and pointed at each one of them.

—Eeny —his finger fell on Byeongho, the same person who thought he could play him—, meeny —he walked over to Dongsun—, miny —his finger moved to Dakho—, mo.

His smile looked frightening from outside, cold and filled with all the dark thoughts that were clouding his sanity. Byeongho's lips trembled as he was aware he'd be the first one to deal with all the consequences to his actions, while desperately trying to get Jungkook back on his senses and appeal to his empathetic side.

He had none of that. At least not when it came to Y/n and everything they did to her.

—You have such a big mouth, huh? —he raised his pierced eyebrow— Or at least you like to pretend you have it —his five fingers enclosed on his cheeks tight—. Let me help you out to make it a reality.

Unlike other times, he didn't care about the state of the knife. He thought that the less sharp it was, the longest the agony would be. Motioning to the two statues that were standing behind the three people on the floor, Byeongho was being held tight so he wouldn't be able to move or avoid the knife. An anguish scream leaving his mouth as soon as the knife dented against the right corner of his mouth.

When the cut almost reached his right cheek, Jungkook stopped, giving him a fake feeling that he was done with him. But that dark smile was drawn back on his face, setting him up for what was to come.

—Now —he finally talked—, now you'll be able to go around with that big mouth and speak all the bullshit you like.

Dropping the knife to the floor with a gasp, letting both of his hands rest on his hips, he looked at the job he did, and also allowed the other two to get ready for what was to come for them -although he wasn't entirely done with Byeongho yet.

✸ ✸ ✸

His head was resting against the backrest of his car, looking at the eight missing calls from Namjoon and the several texts he sent. By the tone of them, it was pretty obvious the other six members were also aware of the deal he made to get Y/n out of there. Although he didn't really care until he read the last text.

"Or you get rid of her, or I will".

Did that mean that not only he had to protect her from the Choi family, but also from his own family?

When he entered his home, he found nothing but silence, which didn't really surprise him, but had him on a high alert state. Especially because there were no signs of Y/n.

In any other circumstance, he'd have remained calm over it. But after he messed with some of Choi's people, and after that text Namjoon sent, he felt like he wouldn't be able to calm down, not even in his place.

Taking off his shoes and throwing them somewhere in the entrance, Jungkook raced upstairs, entering her room to find nothing. But he did see a thin line of light coming from her bathroom, and a few complaints that got his attention. She was in front of the shower screen, trying to get her t-shirt off but always letting it fall back to where it was.

Maybe he should've stayed where he was, or maybe he should've left, but he stepped inside instead, finding a surprised Y/n looking at him with wide eyes.

—Let me help you out.

But she shook her head, assuring him everything was okay and she preferred to do it by herself, all that while trying to cover her torso as much as possible.

—Y/n —he used the same tone he did that morning, warning her to stop.

Her arms fell to the side, and Jungkook was finally able to help her take off the oversized t-shirt carefully. He helped her raise her right arm, getting it and her head out of the fabric, while he just had to slide the t-shirt down her injured arm.

Something inside of him twitched when he saw all the dark bruises on her ribs. He had been aware of them when he helped her change her clothes while she was still unconscious. But anger got the best of him when he took off her bra, that he didn't feel like taking off the past night, only to find scarred lineal wounds all over his initials on her chest.

His thumb traced every line, feeling the crusty surface on his fingerprint. He thought that his jaw would break at any point by the way he was clenching it.

—Who did this?

—Sanhyuk —she whispered.

He didn't know when or how, but he for sure knew, and promised, he'd kill Sanhyuk in the worst way he could think of. Everything he did that evening would be a child play compared to it.

The screams of pain she must've let out, the pain she must've gone through were all in his head while his eyes stayed on that destroyed tattoo. Jungkook doubted he'd ever be able to think straight from that moment and on. At least until something warm covered his cheek, her thumb trying to get rid of one of the several blood dots that were on his face, neck, and t-shirt.

—It's not mine —he let her know.

—I know that —she scoffed.

He took off the last piece of fabric remaining in her body, before he rolled his sleeves up his elbows and guided her inside the shower.

Something in her switched. She didn't know if it was the way he was taking care of her, the feeling of his hands on her skin as he washed her up, or the thought that all that blood belonged to the men she pointed earlier in the morning because he wanted to punish anyone who hurted her. She didn't know.

Her head just moved on its own while looking for his lips, giving them a short peck that would only trigger something else. Jungkook was trying his best to control his possessive side when he saw that wound, but he wasn't able to control himself as soon as her lips linked with his. Cupping her cheeks, he pulled her in for a deeper kiss, while Y/n's hands remained on the sides of his waist, holding onto the blue shirt before she tried to pull him closer. Soon he was in the shower as well, feeling all his clothes getting drenched, but only caring about the way her lips sucked into his with such need.

His hands were all over her: tracing the curves in her body, pressing his palm on her belly, cupping her breasts in his hands... and she was completely gone for it. She gasped when she felt the cold wall get in contact with her back, arching it as the first reaction. His lips felt warm and soft when they enclosed around her hard nipple, twirling his tongue in circles.

Not able to raise one of her arms higher, she supported herself on his biceps, pressing her fingers on the wet shirt that allowed her to see his arm filled with tattoos through it. Too concentrated on not falling to be aware of Jungkook's hand approaching her core until she felt two of his fingers digging through her wet slit.

His mouth left her as his fingers rubbed in slow circles on her clit, wanting to concentrate on her expressions. He'd die to have her lips parted the way they were while she tried her best at keeping her eyes open for him.

—Jung... —she moaned— Jungkook —her head fell back from pleasure.

—How does it feel?

—So good —her fingers tightened on the drenched fabric—. I need you.

—I got you, doll.

Right after whispering those words, she whined at the loss of his touch, just to see him getting his clothes off as fast as he was able to. He was sure he needed her as bad as she needed him. A groan made its way through his throat when her fingers wrapped around his growing bulge, pumping him slowly and stopping only to rub his tip with her thumb. She felt it getting thicker with every move she made, and her pussy throb at the feeling of his pulse against her palm whenever she tightened her grip to tease him.

Jungkook linked their lips together again, although it wasn't for long. With no previous warning, he lifted her body. Both of her legs hung on his right arm, while the left one kept her high enough by her back. He just didn't want her arm to hurt more, and he checked it to find it resting on her stomach.

Her lips on his jaw felt like hot iron, while the way her fingers played with the hairs on his nape made shiverings run all over his body. It was a dangerous combination.

He laid her carefully on her bed, finding her resting the weight of her body on one of the elbows so she'd be able to check every single one of his movements. At least until he forced her to close her eyes during a kiss that would've probably made her fall on her back if she had been standing.

At the same time she bit on his lower lip teasingly, he sinked balls deep inside of her, instantly making her part her lips with a barely audible moan. Jungkook waited for her to get used to his size, he thought that it could take her a bit since they had been away from each other for too long, but her hips moving against him were the bratty response she didn't verbalize.

He moved slowly at first, enjoying the way her walls squeezed every inch of his cock as if it had been made for it. His body was fully covering her, while his lips were everywhere on her face and neck, feeling in heaven every time a moan reached his ears from that close. Y/n wrapped her legs tight around him, while her fingers traveled the width of his back, as if she didn't want him to move any further from that.

—You're mine, doll —he reminded her—. No one will ever, ever, lay a hand on you, or will give you a bad look without a consequence following it.

Despite his words sounding harsh, and his hands grabbing her jaw to force her eyes on his, she was able to see something in his dark eyes that she hadn't seen before. One of his hands reeked of possessiveness, while the other was gentle and kept her in place. It was the way he wanted to let her know she was his, and that also meant he would always protect her.

—I'm yours —she finally said, closing her eyes when Jungkook lifted her hips a bit with his left hand.

—Am I the only one? —he wanted to know in between gasps.

—You're the only one.

The speed of his hips increased after the comment, and the moan that followed after, he started to move frantically against her as soon as he heard those magic words.

He swore he would be able to stay attached to her forever if he had to, he wanted that moment to last forever, only having to worry and focus on her pleasure.

Some loud sounds, that it took him no longer than a few seconds to identify as gunshots changed his priorities in a blink of an eye. Suddenly only caring about covering her body with his to protect her from anything that was happening, until he made them both roll on the bed and fall on the side of it that was on the opposite side from the door.

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