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reidbae · 6 months

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DAY 27: Stress Relief — period sex w/dom!aaron hotchner

KINKTOBER 2023: masterlist

summary: Your hot, older boss, who’s been protective of you since day one, helps to remedy your stress when he finds out your time of the month has come.

pairing: dom!fwb!aaron hotchner x sub!fem!reader

warnings/mentions: mention of periods (obv), along with blood but it's nothing crazy, use of a condom and small mention of latex, very heavily implied age gap, reader is very shy, vaginal sex, piv sex, hip/thigh gripping, fondling, use of my love, angel, honey, sweet girl, and princess, reader is fucked dumb but also not rlly, hotch is super doting but there's some teasing, too, lots of praise, SO much slowburn i'm sorry lol (like the first 1.5k ish words), lmk if i missed anything!

wc: 3.3k

a/n: went a little overboard with this one oops :P also i'm gonna *try* to fill in most of the gaps i've missed for kinktober this weekend, but no promises <3 hope y'all enjoy this one!

tags: @nalycandy @prettyboydrspencerreid @mega-kittyglitter-1 @mrs-ssa-hotch @boimlers-gonna-boim

You were working tirelessly in the bullpen of the BAU, when a caring, yet firm, hand landed on your shoulder.

It was that of your unit chief, Aaron Hotchner’s: And also, your lover’s. You and Aaron had been seeing each other in private for a while now, and while not officially together, you were pretty damn close to it.

The older man had taken on a calm, caring, and loving role in your pairing, always handling you in a sweet, and never hostile way.

It was a sharp comparison to the manner in which he carried himself in the field, but that was a different story, for a different time.

You usually saw Aaron everyday when work ended, you coming over his house, or vice versa. If you didn’t, you’d let the other know, and there would be some exchange of affection, at least.

But that wasn’t the case this week.

You had dozens of case files and paperwork to finish. You had work to do in general because of the main job, but even more than your team, mainly due to the way you had handled your previous case. Strauss wasn’t happy about it, and neither were you, because you had a hell of a lot of work to do now because of it.

As a result, you had been spending less and less time with Aaron, even avoiding him when you could, so he wouldn’t get a feel for your grouchy mood.

It didn’t help, also, that you were on your period.

When Aaron’s kind hand landed on your shoulder, you looked up in surprise to see him hovering above you, all packed up and ready to go home. He would usually stay a little later as the week ended, working as tirelessly as you were on paperwork.

So to seem him here, ready to pack it in for the day, was a little unusual.

“Hi,” you spoke, looking up at him with a shy expression. He could see the worn out look that your eyes held, the bags under them giving you away.

“Hello,” Aaron spoke in his calm, composed tone of voice, one you usually heard when he was addressing people in the field. It wasn’t always a bad thing, really, seeing as that’s the way he was supposed to speak.

But when he used it on you, you knew you were in for a bit of a talk.

As you’d done various times before, you moved the case files you were working on aside, so that Aaron could lean on your desk. He did so, and crossed his arms as his gaze lingered on yours.

“You want to tell me what’s wrong?” Aaron said brusquely as he looked down at you; His expression was genuine, though, as he did, and you could tell that he cared.

You looked down and away from him, letting out a heavy sigh, not prepared to have this talk with him. “What do you mean? Nothing’s wrong,” you said in a timid, low voice, avoiding the tall man’s gaze.

“Please don’t lie to me, honey. I can tell something is wrong. I’m a profiler, remember? Just like you,” Aaron reminded you, and from the corner of your eye, you could see his expression change from loving to firm.

“We’re not supposed to profile each other,” you reminded him, your tone small as you answered him. Aaron let out a little chuckle, shaking his head above you.

“Fair enough,” Aaron chuckled. “That doesn’t mean I can’t still worry for you, honey. You haven’t been yourself. I’m sure you know that.”

You gave him a shrug, not quite sure what to say in response to that. “Yeah, well—I haven’t been the best,” you admitted to him.

Your reveal caused Aaron to crouch down next to you, the way he likely had done for his son, Jack, so many times. You suddenly felt just as small, and turned your head away from him.

Aaron guided your face back to his seconds later, his dark brown eyes boring into yours. The look was sweet, though, and soft, as he put a warm hand on your thigh.

“What’s wrong, angel?” Aaron asked you curiously. You couldn’t deny the wave of butterflies that soared through your figure when he said that, and you bit your lip.

“I just have a lot of work to do, that’s all. And I’ve been—Moody,” you vaguely explained to him. You avoided using the word, “period,” for a fear of the weirded out look Aaron could give you if he heard it.

But Aaron took the words from your mouth in mere seconds, like he’d been able to do on numerous occasions. “Are you on your period, my love?”

Your eyes widened when he asked you this; Your cheeks warmed up as soon as his words finished, and you swallowed. “H- How did you know that?” you asked bewilderedly.

“Come on, princess. Do you really think I wouldn’t pick up on it? You get moody like this at least once a month, and I’ve been seeing you for seven. It doesn’t take a profiler to figure out what the cause of that is,” Aaron explained to you, rubbing his hand over your thigh. His tone wasn’t teasing, though, his words flowing from his lips in a warm manner.

You hid your face with your hands, hating, and loving, the way he could read you so easily. Aaron chuckled as you mumbled to him, “That’s so embarrassing.”

“It’s not embarrassing,” he assured you, moving his hand from your thigh to your shoulder. You’d be wondering how he was keeping his balance so well, if it weren’t for the fact that you were being so awkward. “It’s normal, and nothing to be ashamed of, honey. You’re okay.”

After a while of Aaron rubbing your shoulder, the unit chief broke the silence once again. “Is this why you’ve been avoiding me so much?” he asked.

“I have not been avoiding you,” you said to him, even if you knew you were lying through your teeth.

That was the very thing you’d been doing.

“Do you want to convince me that, or yourself?” Aaron chuckled, keeping his hand where it was on your shoulder. You shrugged.

“Okay, so maybe I have been a little bit. But it’s not you. I’ve just been so tired and stressed, and—I don’t know. I know it doesn’t make sense,” you said to him.

“It doesn’t have to make sense to me, honey. As long as it does to you, that’s fine with me. I understand,” he told you. “You need a break from work. Come on. Let me take you home.”

“No, Aaron, I need to finish these files,” you all but whined, the very idea of abandoning your unfinished work making you uneasy. Aaron chuckled and got up, holding his hand out for you to take.

“Come on, sweet girl. Don’t force me to make this an order,�� Aaron said to you. You couldn’t really tell if he was joking or not.

But you weren’t about to argue with him regardless.

With a huff, you took his hand and got out of your chair. Aaron draped your coat over your shoulders, making sure you were warm. He then took you by the waist and walked you out of the bullpen, and out to his car.

Knowing you didn’t feel like driving, and promising to give you a ride to work the following day, Aaron drove you home in his car, attached to your hip until you reached the front door of your house.

“Here we are,” Aaron said as he held your hand, guiding you to your door, like you would fall if he let you go. Aaron pressed a loving kiss to your cheek, smiling down at you. “Call me if you need me, okay?”

You gave him a confused, and a bit of a sad expression when he said that. “Wh—You’re not going to stay?” you asked.

Aaron’s expression then mirrored yours, and he looked as confused as you were. His eyes glimmered, though, with what you assumed was hope in response to what you had just said. “I—Well, I didn’t think you’d want me to. I figured you needed your space.”

You shook your head at his cluelessness, sighing at the fact that he could even think that for a second. “No, I—I do want you to stay. I didn’t think you’d want to.”

Aaron chuckled, shaking his head at you and cupping your face with his hand. The heat of it engulfed you, and you nuzzled into his touch. “Of course I do, angel. You know I love taking care of you,” he murmured. He pressed a kiss to your forehead before saying, “And I always will.”

—

He wasn’t kidding.

Hours later, you were curled up in Aaron’s lap after an evening of pampering from him. He had made you tea, gotten you all of the snacks you were craving, even leaving the house to do so, and gotten you changed into comfy sleepwear, but not before showering you clean first.

It was days like this that made you wonder how you had landed yourself such a wonderful man; A man who wasn’t even fully yours.

But, God, the way he handled you—Like you were a real life princess, and he was ready to serve you at any command. It was nearly impossible to comprehend.

The unit chief’s hands were tangled in your hair, playing with it as he held you there in his lap. Your face was hidden in his chest as you closed your eyes, relishing in his touch.

You had been sitting there in silence for a while, and Aaron finally broke the silence by pressing a small kiss to your forehead. “Is there anything else I can do for you, angel?” he cooed. “Anything at all that you need?”

You shook your head, lifting your eyes up to meet his soft ones as he looked down at you. “No. No, I’m fine. Thanks for being here for me," you smiled.

Both of Aaron’s hands went down to your hips, holding them in a tender manner as he smiled warmly at you. “You know I always will be, princess.”

You smiled back at him, moving closer to him to press your lips to his. Aaron responded by rubbing your back, his lips eagerly answering your kiss.

When your kiss moved from slow to passionate, Aaron moved you in his lap, so that your legs were on either side of it. He was rubbing your back as you kissed him, and you all but melted into his embrace.

You had never felt this needy for him before. Never felt this needy for one human being before.

That’s just the effect that Aaron had on you.

You were snapped back into reality seconds later when Aaron’s hands began to dance at the hem of your underwear, close, too close, to pulling them down.

You tried to move his hands away, quickly growing shy at Aaron’s move. “No, Aaron, I- I’m on my period, w- we can’t—“ you began to slur.

Aaron cut you off.

“Come on, angel. Do you really think I care about that?” Aaron cooed in a loving tone, looking into your eyes. “I won’t pressure you, princess. But I can feel your need, and I am happy to oblige you.”

“But—“

“No buts. It’s up to you. If you need me to wear a condom, I will. And if you need me to just pleasure you, then I am okay with that, too,” he whispered, cupping your cheek gingerly. “You’re not feeling good, and if I can make you feel better, I will.”

You were rendered speechless for several long seconds, unsure of how to respond to Aaron’s kind words.

Fuck, was he even real?

“Are—Are you sure?” you asked him, because you were unsure yourself about this. You had never had sex on your period before, let alone with a man who worshipped you like a goddess.

“I’m sure, princess. Say the word and I’m yours,” Aaron told you, running his thumb up and down your cheek. You gave him a shy look, and then a nod.

“I want you. I really do, Aaron, but—Only if you’re sure,” you said again. Aaron chuckled, shaking his head at you.

“How many times do I have to tell you, princess? I’m sure. Positive. Get that in your pretty head,” Aaron chuckled, causing you to smile as he pressed a kiss to your forehead. “Now, tell me what you want," he said.

“I—Um—“ you began, really not knowing the answer to that query. You bit down on your tongue, taking some time to think to yourself, before speaking once more.

“Well, I want to feel you, but—Can you use a condom, please? It’d just make me feel better,” you said timidly. Usually, you and Aaron didn’t use condoms very much, but you had a box of them in your house, anyways.

“Yes, honey. Go grab one for me,” Aaron smiled, kissing your lips before you got up.

Aaron took the condom from you when you came back with it, not saying another word on the matter. This is what you wanted, so that’s what he would give you.

You sat back in his lap as Aaron moved down his joggers, followed by his boxers. After what felt like years, Aaron’s cock sprung free from them, and from what you could see, he was already incredibly hard; Pre-cum leaked from his tip.

You sat in your own neediness as Aaron put the condom on, making sure that the latex reached the very bottom of his dick.

When he was finished, he gripped your hips, and pulled you to hover over him. He didn’t say a word on the blood that was so clearly in his vision; Instead, he lowered you down onto him, allowing you to take all of him.

Even after all this time, you had never gotten used to just how big Aaron was, his cock leaving you brimming with it each time you had sex.

And, as it happened, “Fuck,” was always the first word that left your lips.

Aaron chuckled at your vulgar use of language, and pulled you closer, beginning to kiss your neck. “Language, princess,” he said in a joking voice.

You giggled, biting down on your lip as you rode him. “Sorry.”

Aaron smirked up at you, but didn’t tease you more. Instead, he began to kiss your neck again, attacking it with a fervid passion.

Aaron left a trail of hickeys behind as he kissed and sucked at your neck; You were surely going to have to cover them up for work the next day.

One of Aaron’s hands went under your shirt, and with ease, unclasped your bra in one go. He discarded it to the side, as though it were the most unnecessary thing in the world, and began to circle his thumbs over your nipples.

You were worried you would hear the sound of blood as the two of you made love, but your whines and whimpers fully combatted the noise: You couldn’t hear a thing.

“There’s my good girl. You feel so good, princess,” Aaron inattentively praised you, his lips split open in pleasure. You whined in response to his words.

“You—Too,” you stuttered back out at him, your brain fogging up with the pleasure of the experience. “Mmm.”

Your eyes closed, and you leaned your head on Aaron’s shoulder as you moved yourself up and down. Aaron chuckled, bringing one of his hands away from your nipples to tangle into your hair. “What’s the matter, princess? Am I fucking you dumb?”

You let out a low whimper at Aaron’s teasing words, scrunching your face up in embarrassment. “Y- Yes, Aaron. You are.”

Aaron chuckled in response, pressing a kiss to your temple. “Good. That’s what I like to hear, honey,” he smiled.

After a while, Aaron felt the need to take over, and grabbed you by the hips once more. He flipped you over onto your back and climbed on top of you, moving into you now at a lethal pace.

“Oh,” you whispered in surprise, Aaron’s sudden change in pace causing your eyes to widen. But you weren’t complaining.

“Hm?” Aaron hummed to you, his breath warm on your nose as he moved himself into you. You shook your head in response.

“Nothing,” you murmured, earning a sly smirk from Aaron.

“Your thighs are shaking so much, honey,” Aaron whispered to you, kissing your neck again. “Relax for me, okay, princess? I’ll make you feel good," he cooed.

You felt yourself blushing as you nodded your head, surrendering to Aaron without having to think twice about it.

You were all his.

You were a hot, moaning mess under Aaron as your high approached dangerously close. Your period made you so much needier, so much more sensitive, and you were beginning to feel the effects of it.

Your expression was lewd as Aaron sensed your need, moving into you as quickly as he could, needy as you were to get you off. You were whimpering his name like there was no tomorrow, your climax burning low inside you.

“Shhh, princess, I know, I know. Almost there, honey, okay?” Aaron cooed in a loving voice as an answer to your whines, pressing butterfly kisses to your neck as he spoke to you.

All self-control fled your body as Aaron fucked you, and there was never another moment where you knew more what it was like to feel alive. Human, even.

“Please, I wanna cum. I wanna cum so bad,” you were mumbling over and over again, your speech unclear, all logical words fleeing your body.

“I know, my love,” Aaron whispered to you.

Then, Aaron did something you didn’t think would happen; He moved his hand down your body, and began to rub circles into your clit.

Immediately, you shook your head, trying to get his hand away as you realized what he was doing. “No, A- Aaron, no, the—Blood,” you all but exclaimed. Aaron shushed you with a kiss, letting his tongue slip into your mouth.

That sure as hell shut you up.

When he pulled back, his cheeks were flushed pink, and his dark hair was smeared over his forehead, stuck to it with sweat. “I don’t mind it, princess. I told you this. You need this, don’t you?”

Your eyes met his, and you nodded shyly.

“So stop it, and let me make you feel good, angel,” Aaron cooed, kissing your lips.

Your brain was too cloudy to argue back to him, and you relished in the feeling of his tongue tangled with yours, his thumb working rapid circles into your bundle of nerves.

“Aaron—!” you whined.

He had you finishing in seconds.

“Go ahead, princess. Scream for me.”

You did just that, his name leaving your lips in a way that your neighbors were going to hate. Your eyes shut with the feeling of pure bliss washing over your body, and you whined over and over again as you came down from your high.

When you were both all done, Aaron moved out from inside of you, and took the condom off. He smiled down at you, and pressed a kiss to the tip of your nose. “Was that good?”

You didn’t see how that was even a topic of discussion. Eagerly, you nodded. “More than.”

“Good. Let’s get you cleaned up, okay, sweet girl? I don’t want you to feel messy or anything,” Aaron said in a sweet voice, running his fingers through your hair.

You nodded at the brown-eyed man, smiling. "Aaron?"

"Yes, my love?"

You giggled up at him, responding to him in a soft, shy tone of voice, "Thank you."

Aaron's face softened, and he pressed one more kiss to your cheek for good measure, smiling down at you. "Anytime."

—

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hongjoongscafe · 10 months

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You have you...

Drabble

Pairing: jungkookxreader(y/n)

Genre: angst, fluff, hurt/comfort, strangers to lovers, non-idol au

Summary: when your life collapsed but found the right person at the same time.

Word count: 5.1k+

Warnings: cheating, name-calling, insults, bad texts, mentions of grinding.

Note: lemme know if you wanna be added to the permanent or specific taglist!

Masterpost

The night was a vague reflection of how you felt from the inside. The thunderstorm was taking down the whole city of Seoul. The water was pooling to the ankles and the high flash flood alert messages were stacking up in the notification centre.

But this thunder still could not match the one inside your chest.

Seeing the person you called the love of your life turning back towards you and walking into some other woman’s arms behind your back was enough for your poor heart to crumble down into ashes. The ache was too high to feel anything else.

“Baby, I will never leave you.” “I promise, you are the only one I'll ever love.” “Love, I wanna have a family with you.” “You are the prettiest.” “I am just going with the boys, I will be back before you even know.” “I'm sorry, baby. The boys kept me there. I tried to tell them that I want to be with you but you know how they act, right?” “Baby, you don't understand! I didn't mean to yell at you!” “Love, it's nothing, you are just being delusional. You know I won't do anything to hurt, right?” “I love you forever, baby.”

You scoffed. Fucking lier. There were so many moments when you felt his disloyalty towards you. But you gave him the benefit of the doubt and let him be. Ronny had his way with words. He used them for his benefit. The way he manipulated made you want to rip his head off.

If it wasn't for your colleague who saw him in the car with someone else, eating each other’s face, a couple of days ago, you would have still believed his empty words.

When he came back that night, you checked his phone for the first time as he passed out on the couch. You knew he wouldn't wake up until the next afternoon.

As much as you regretted reading those texts, one part of you needed disclosure. You sat there on the cold tiled floor, tears running down your cheeks, feeling like a loser.

-Y/n is just so fucking dumb, man. I've never been with someone as dumb as her but I guess good for me🤷🏻‍♂️.

-Hey, sexy💋 Last night was so fucking good. You were so wet for me, you little slut😏.

-Dev just asked me to fuck her. If y/n calls, tell her that I'm busy working.

-You up?

-Ronny? I need your big cock in me, plz. Meet me in the Motel…😉

-Y/n looks so fucking ugly, man. I feel so embarrassed next to her. I can feel the vomit in my throat whenever she talks. It's so fucking bitter to tell her that I love her🤢.

-Man, I get so irritated when y/n talks. I can feel myself hating her more and cheat even more just to see how fucking dumb she is.

His last text was what made you get up at this hour of the night and go to the striper club.

-She will be busy with her pathetic painting on Friday. We should meet at the bottom up. When I think about you, I can still feel my cock getting hard thinking about last time😮‍💨. [Allie- sent]

A laugh bubbled out of your throat as you read it. Him and your best friend. Who would have known?

Turns out, everyone knew other than you.

Everyone wanted some drama and they got it. The great Ronny garnished it on a plate and severed it to everyone. Even to those who you thought were your genuine friends.

Now here you were, sitting on a bench in front of a random complex, drowning in your sorrows. When you went inside that club, you caught them wrapped around each other. His one hand was groping her ass and the other was rubbing her pussy through her skimpy shorts.

Your heart was gone. There was no way your tears could stop. When confronted, they laughed and called you names. People around looked at you disgustingly for ruining the perfect mood they were in.

“Get out you bitch. No one needs you here!”

“Damn, you thought I would actually love you? So fucking delusional.”

“How can you be so dumb? You couldn't even see that we both were involved.”

“She just wants me to fuck her pathetic pussy because no one else wants that thing.”

It was difficult to handle. You just let yourself cry loudly like a pathetic person that they said. They weren't wrong. No one else ever wanted you. You were bold enough to think that Ronny truly wanted you even after seeing many red flags. But nothing could win in front of a good manipulation.

“You look like you need a hug,” a sweet voice pulled you out of your head. You looked up at him and noticed there was a charming man standing in a raincoat and an umbrella above your head.

His big doe eyes looked concerned, and his thin and pink lips were frowning. “There is a flash flood warning, you know that, right? You shouldn't be here. Do you want me to call your friends or family?”

Hearing friends and family, your eyes filled with fresh tears and started crying in front of a handsome stranger. You hid your hand behind your hands and wailed.

Six years. It was six years' worth of pain hurling out. It was hurting you as if someone had stabbed you over and over again slowly, making you feel every single inch of it. It was like someone was reopening the fresh wounds with their bare fingers that you just treated.

“I'm Jungkook,” the man said as he sat down, holding the umbrella over you. “You are soaking and it is winter.”

Jungkook was in his apartment, playing his guitar, and composing some new music. He was waddling around and looked out of his window when he saw a girl sitting in the rain, hunched over. He kept looking at her and started to worry when she did not move.

He quickly wore a jacket and raincoat and carried an umbrella for the girl.

As he got closer, he heard her cry loudly all alone in this ungodly rain. He was worried about her. The level of water was rising pretty fast. When she looked up at him, his breath hitched. She was prettier than anyone he has ever seen. So soft and innocent.

He pouted when she didn't say anything but stayed there, still holding the umbrella. He heard her cry for a good twenty minutes before she calmed down and only soft sniffles could be heard.

“I'm Y/n,” you said in your broken voice, throat sore from crying so loudly. “Can you please book an Uber?”

“Y/n, no Uber will pick you up now,” Jungkook said.

You looked at him, another set of tears ready to roll down. “Why?” Your lower lip wobbled.

“Look around, the water is reaching our ass and we are sitting on a bench,” he said.

Only then you realized how bad the rain was and he was not wrong. The water level was rising. “What am I supposed to do now?” You asked yourself, already crying again. It was too much to take in little time.

Jungkook bit his lip and thought about it for a moment. “You should come to my place. It’s bad for you to stay out here especially when you… when you are so vulnerable,” he carefully said.

He was half ready for you to get up and swim away. But he let out a sigh of relief when you nodded, agreeing with him. “Okay,” your voice broke.

Jungkook gave you a soft smile, “I live here. So follow me,” he pointed behind them at the complex. “Here, hold my hand, let me guide you in. Don’t fall unless you know how to swim,” he giggled to himself but quickly regretted when you looked into his eyes and a wobbly chin. “I’m sorry,” he squeezed your hand reassuringly as you held it. You felt your heart thump against your chest at the skin contact. Never once have you felt like this with Ronny.

Jungkook’s apartment was clean, minimalistic, and scented like fresh laundry. The light cream walls with contemporary paintings looked perfectly decorated. The simple lamps hanging from the ceiling were just enough to make it look modernized. The couch had many papers laying around along with hand-knitted blankets and a guitar on the carpeted floor. And a beer can on the coffee table. The gigantic windows overlooked the city. It looked decently luxurious.

“Umm… Stay here, I'll bring some towels for you,” Jungkook removed his shoes and scurried inside his cosy house. And came out in no time. He wrapped a bigger towel around you and handed you the smaller towel. “Washroom is there,” he pointed next to the wall. “You can take a shower. I'll give you some of my clothes. And leave your clothes there, okay? I'll put them in the washing machine with mine. Oh, wait, let me show you the drawer in which you can find anything you want… Well, almost anything.”

He waddled in front of you into the washroom. He turned on the lights and opened a drawer in his cabinet, “Here, there are sanitary napkins, tampons whichever you prefer. Shower things, scrubs, unused loofah, hair ties, these one-use undies, lotion, and face cream. Here is a hairdryer and hair straightener, if you need those. And if there is something else you need, let me know. I'll find it if I have it,” he informed and smiled at you before going out, leaving you alone. He knocked again and peaked his head inside after you opened it a little. He handed you clothes and finally left.

You looked at the closed door with wide eyes. It was amusing seeing this stranger all prepared for emergencies. His girlfriend or fiance or wife must be lucky, you thought. You shook your head in order to not think about it and compare your sorry life with the unknown girl you are not even sure existed. But it won't be a surprise if she did.

Under the warm water, your tears rolled down again. It wasn't easy to just forget and not feel hurt after committing for six years. You mourned about not listening to your gut feeling about him before. Maybe you wouldn't be here, taking a shower in some stranger's washroom.

You took your sweet time before you came out, after drying your hair. As you opened the door, you were met by the melodious voice of Jungkook. The acoustic guitar complimented his mellow voice. The lyrics brought tears to your eyes but you tried your best to not let them flow down your cheeks. You felt like sitting by him and just kept on hearing his voice but he was not in the living room.

You quietly walked towards the entrance door and found him sitting there on the floor, wrapped in a towel as he sang-

We laugh and cry together

These simple feelings

Seems like they were everything to me

When will it be

When I face you again

I want to look into your eyes and tell you

I’ve missed you

Inside the blissful memory

Even if i dance by myself, the rain pours down

By the time this fog clears

I’ll come running on my wet feet

Then, hold me

That moon looked lonely

Because I felt like it was crying brightly in the night sky

Even when I know the morning will come someday

I wanted to remain in your sky like a star~

Just then you noticed that he was still in wet clothes. “Oh my god, Jungkook! Why are you still wet? Why did you not change?”

Jungkook was startled and looked at you. He stood up and rested his guitar on the wall. “Ah, there is only one washroom. I mean, there is one by the bedrooms but the water connection is not working.”

You gasped, “Why did you not tell me before?! Go in. You are going to catch a cold.”

“Nothing will happen to me, don't worry,” he said and noticed how swollen your eyes looked. “You know what? There is a pile of clean and dry clothes over there. You can fold them and leave the dress shirts. I need to iron them beforehand. So, can you do that? As a thank you favour?” He wished it could distract you from your pain. “Do you like FRIENDS?”

You dumbly looked at the basket full of clean laundry and nodded, “yeah,” you mumbled.

“Great! I'll put it on the TV so you won't get bored… I'll take a little time there. So, yeah…” he wanted to leave you alone for a while so that you could have some space. It wouldn't hurt to do a long Sunday night routine on Friday anyway.

His trick worked decently. When he came out, he saw you ironing his clothes and silently giggling at the show. He stood there and admired you. You looked so pretty in his baggy clothes, smiling and just being there. He didn't know who you were, why you were so beaten up mentally, or why he even bothered to bring you to his house. But at that very time, he saw someone who he could consider spending time with. Maybe just to make you feel better before you go away forever.

“I didn't ask you to iron the clothes,” he said as he rubbed his towel in his hair.

“It's alright,” you whispered.

You both said nothing for a while. You ironed his dress shirts and sat on the loveseat in front of him. There was a thick layer of awkwardness. After all, you both were strangers.

“So,” Jungkook began. “Do you want to talk about it? Or do you want to be left alone? Or do you want to play any video games or board games? Beer?”

Thinking about it, you felt like talking to him wouldn't hurt. He doesn't know you and after the water drains out, you will leave this place for good. And beer didn't sound bad at all. “You wouldn't mind me talking?”

“Not at all! Why would I mind?” He frowned. “I’m a good listener.”

“I think beer will be good, too,” you cleared your throat.

Jungkook smiled and stood up with a jump, walking towards his fridge, “a perfect combination!” He came back with a box of canned beer and dropped them on the coffee table and passed you one can. The clicks of cans were heard almost immediately. “Tell me one thing first. Why are you not afraid of being here? I'm just a stranger to you. What if I do something bad to you?”

You thought about it for a second. He wasn't wrong, but, “I’ve nothing left to be worried about…” you mumbled. “I can ask you the same. Why did you let me in? What if I do something to you? Wouldn’t your girlfriend or boyfriend be angry about it?”

Jungkook looked at you with a pout but said nothing about the first sentence you said. “Well, you looked like you could use some company plus no criminal would sit in that rain to hurt me. And I do not have any partner.” He said. “Now. You can talk about it, I’m all ears.”

Your mind went back in time. The flashbacks started to pour back in. All you could do was scoff at them. It was hurting you and you needed to let your emotions out. You had bottled them up for a long. He kept you tongue-tied for as long as you remember being with him. It was shitty and you were aware of it but every single time, you just tucked your tail between your legs and went along with what he had to offer you and it was only insecurities and insults. “I’m just so fucking dumb and stupid.” Jungkook sat up straight, focusing on you fully. “My boyfriend was cheating on me with my best friend.”

“Fuck no,” Jungkook felt anger bubbling up in his guts. If anything he hated the most about people was them cheating on other people. He absolutely loathed people who even dared to think about it. He always believed in being loyal to the partners and yourself. He believed that if one was falling out of love, which is not a big deal, they should be honest about it and find a mutual solution than just going around and being a fucking asshole. He was a man of character. Je didn't even need to know how he was and he already hated him and sympathized with you.

You huffed, “There were so many times when I felt like he was cheating on me but I just trusted him too much to let those feelings get to me,” your eyes teared up as you took a long sip of your beer. “I don’t even know for how long or if he ever even liked me let alone loved me.” From his texts and how he talked to you this evening. You figured he was cheating on you for longer. Possibly since the beginning of your relationship.

You still remembered how wonderful it all felt when you got involved with him. Ronny would act as if he cared and loved you. He would spend time with you, take you to parties, and introduce you to his friends, you felt like you were an important part of his life. However, slowly he stopped taking you with him and started stay away more and more. He would smell like other people's perfume. He would come back, drunk out of his mind.

“I’m so sorry about—”

“You know what's worse?! I caught him red handed with her in a strippers club tonight. They were hugging and touching and rubbing each other. Then I just– fuck. I made a fool out of myself. I ruined everyone’s night. And they kicked me out,” you cried.

“Shit, y/n. Everything was closed down by seven. Were you outside all this time?” Jungkook asked, concerned about you.

“What else was I supposed to do? Go back to that house where I could only see how fucking brainless I am? That place would mock me for being so oblivious,” you picked another can of beer.

Taking the blanket, Jungkook walked to you and wrapped it around your shoulders before sitting back in his place. “It's not only the friend, there were so many girls in his DMs. And he said I was ugly and so irritating. Everyone agreed and I think they were right.”

“Hey,” Jungkook felt bad for you. You were beautiful and such an adorable person. “Don’t say that. They all are wrong. You are so pretty and adorable,” he let out. “I don't think you should believe in them. They have no idea what they are talking about. And you should not think about that prick.”

“I was with that prick for six years, Jungkook. I loved him for six years, slept with him, and took his shit on my head. I can't just not think about him,” you sobbed.

“How can he be so terrible? Man, if I find who he is, I would beat the shit out of him. That boy is just a scumbag. Jeez, I'm so fucking pissed,” he was holding back from asking you his location so that he could go and teach that asshole some much-needed lesson. Jungkook could never even have thought of doing something like that to anyone let alone actually cheating on someone. He felt disgusted by this boy.

“For the past six years, he has become my personality. I thought he loved me and I was just being too much to the point he even called me delusional.”

Jungkook gasped, “No way, that asshole said that. What does he think of himself? Ugh, he should be ashamed of himself.”

“He would always text me cute, lovey-dovey messages. He would buy me things after such arguments and would tell me how much he loved me and that promise to be better,” you finished your second can and opened another one.

“Honey,” Jungkook softly said. “I'm sorry but he manipulated you.”

“And I was too dumb to know that,” she shook your head and covered your face with your hands.

“No, honey, you are not dumb. I think when you love someone, you just do whatever it takes to make things work. And the person who gets manipulated, they don't get to know because that's exactly what he was doing. He knew it. It's not your fault.”

“Jungkook…?” you called.

“Yes?”

“Is your offer for a hug still up?” you shyly asked.

Jungkook quickly stood up and sat with you, wrapping his arms around you, respectfully. “Of course it is,” he mumbled.

“I should have known, you know? She was his close friend that became my friend later on. She was always overly close with him even when she had other guys in her life,” you said.

“Girls like her don't deserve a friend like you, y/n… They are just an embarrassment for us,” Jungkook mumbled as he caressed your head that was resting on his shoulder and rubbed your arm.

There was silence for a while. A comfortable one. His even breath was keeping you from drifting away. And his hand caressing your head was helping your headache. He felt safe. You felt safer than ever in this stranger's arms. He never made you feel like this ever. He only made you feel bad and dumb all the time through his sugar-coated words.

“Can you tell me about yourself? If you don't mind,” you asked.

“It's only fair. I'm Jeon Jungkook. I'm twenty-five. I make music,” he said.

“Really? What kind of songs do you sing?” you found it interesting.

“Well, you probably don't know me,” he shyly chuckled. “I have released a couple of songs on Spotify and nothing more. I can't afford to make a video just yet.”

You look up at him. “But you look like you can.”

He giggled at your reaction. You found it amusing and wanted him to giggle more. It was music to your ears. “Ah, I have a rich father so my funds were good. I saved them over the years. I bought this place with those funds but I don't take any money from him anymore. I want to earn it myself. So I spent all of the money on this apartment and nothing is left for video. I can make a low-budget one and can edit it myself. But I think I'm just not ready for that either,” he disclosed.

“That is so smart,” you commented. “You knew your priorities.”

“You can say that,” he smiled.

“Why are you single?”

Jungkook thought about it. He never really cared about being in a relationship. He was satisfied with how things were going on. “I don't know, honestly. It's been years since I was in a committed relationship. I just didn't feel like I needed it, you know?”

“Ah, okay. Makes sense,” you said. “Are you always open to strangers?” you asked genuinely.

Realization hit him this time. He was always super awkward and shy around new people. He never talked to them and usually, it would take him days to open up. He pouted, “No...” he mumbled. “Anyway, you tell me about yourself,” he quickly changed the topic.

“I'm y/n, twenty-six years old–”

“Noona!” Jungkook looked at you with a toothy grin. “You are noona!”

“Shhh,” you shushed him as you both giggled. “I make paintings for my living.”

“Really?!” he looked at your face with a wide bunny grin. “I make paintings, too. But just for fun. These are all my art pieces,” he pointed around.

You admired them for a while. The details in them were so sharply presented. The colour contrast, blending, and everything was looking professional. “Jungkook, you are so talented. They all are so beautiful. The details and technique look so consistent and appealing!”

He smiled shyly. “It's nothing… What would you like for dinner?”

You helped him in the kitchen as you both settled on making some viral baked feta pasta. And a side of cheesy garlic bread. You both talked about different things and found out that you both had many things in common. Almost everything you loved, he loved them, too. He told you about those disposable undies (it was funny for you to think about). He said that one of his girl-friend once had her periods before the time and it ruined her clothes. He had nothing to help her with and she just wore his shorts and used a tampon. He said that he felt bad for not being able to help her so he bought these just in case someone needed them.

He also mentioned how his mother was open about girls and their needs related to periods and clean shower products. So he always made sure that his place had a full stock for emergencies because his Hyungs’ girlfriend usually came along with them or other friends. He wanted them to not worry about such things and find his place comfortable enough.

You could tell he was raised by a kind-hearted and responsible woman. It was shocking to you. For six years, you lived with someone who didn't care about any of your needs or brought stuff that was considered necessary. He would just make and mess and leave. He felt like a burden more and less like a human.

“What do you think about…” Jungkook nervously started. “Dating someone now that you are single again.” he had never clicked with any women as he did now. It felt like he knew you for longer than anyone else. He wanted to hold you again and tell you how much more you were worth than you were told. He wanted to whisper good things about you in your ears and make you feel like the most special being ever.

You felt shy under his gaze. “I don't know… I have been cheated on for longer than I even know.”

“What if your date wants to be there for you and help you heal and show you what a real man is like and treats you with utmost care and serves you loyalty which is the bare minimum?” he made eye contact with you. “Because he knows he is better than him and you are much more than what he says.”

It was not worth crying over someone who gave no damn about you. But you still loved him. You needed to heal and being alone, it was going to be difficult and you needed someone’s shoulder to lean on. “I think that won't be that bad…”

Jungkook softly smiled and let out a sigh of relief. “I guess, you are going to have a date tonight by the window.”

Your little date was perfect. You both sat in sweet silence and enjoyed your dinner. He even lit some candles to set the mood. The mellow music on his record player was soothing.

If someone told you that your night would end up like this in a stranger's house like this, you would have laughed and called them an idiot. But it was not bad at all. You had nothing else left so giving this a go was not bad.

The dinner ended with ice cream and cookies. After that, Jungkook laid down some mattresses on the ground by the ceiling-length windows along with a blanket and many pillows. He left his Mikrokosmos mood lamp on and turned off the other lights. And gave you some medicines to keep you from falling sick.

You sat there, wrapped in the blanket as he joined you. “Would you like to cuddle?”

“Yes, please.”

“How are you feeling now?” he asked as he wrapped himself around you.

You smiled, resting your ear on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. “Better… Much better.”

“I'm glad,” he whispered. “Just… Don't ever believe in shit he said, okay? You are nothing but a kind, intelligent, hard-working, smart, and beautiful woman. You deserve nothing but happiness.”

“Where was I even wrong? I tried so hard for what?” you thought out loud.

Jungkook kissed your head. “You were not wrong, baby. He was. He is at a loss. He made you feel like this because he could never reach your level. You are the best and he knows it. He needed to bring you down to make himself feel better about himself. He was just a pathetic douchbad. He was just an immature boy.”

“Jungkook… Thank you for today. I don't think I could have survived anything tonight. I felt like I lost everything all at once. I'm thankful more than I can ever express. I don't know how to return this favour.” You could not express your feelings through words. They were too heavy for you to form into sentences. You have no idea what you could have done tonight if it wasn't for him and his kindness. Even if it ended without this tiny date, you were already saved by him.

After years, you felt like someone listened to you for the first time. It was enough for you to make you want to cry with joy. It felt embarrassing and yet so good.

“It's not a favour, y/n. It's just something I did because I just couldn't see you sitting on the bench like that. I'm happy that you are here and happy. If you had gone somewhere else, I would have kept on thinking about you and how you were. I'm just so happy that you are here and I know that you won't do something stupid.” He expressed his feelings.

It must have been hard on him as well. It's not a daily occurrence but something strange. But this time, it was strangely beautiful.

“You,” he said after a long comfortable silence. He was still thinking about what you said earlier. It was bothering him to an endless extent. He was afraid that you kept yourself so neglected.

“Huh?” you asked, confusingly.

Jungkook looked into your eyes and kissed your forehead softly and slowly, it felt much more intimate than he imagined. His heart was going crazy just like yours. Call it a first-sight love but you two knew it was more than that. He again looked into your eyes and spoke up –

“You have you to worry about…”

.....

Sanaa's note:

Hii! I hope you enjoyed this. I really appreciate your feedback. Plz, do leave your thoughts behind. It helps me to write more and motivates me to improve. My college is starting on Monday. So I won't be able to update anything sooner. I hope you guys understand😊

The behaviour of all the characters is visualized.

Taglist:

@veneziamadness @cheline @sansmilkbread @jayb17 @constantlydelulusional @8tinytings @tea4sykes @chimmisbae

Have a nice day/night💓

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ashwhowrites · 2 years

Note

If you are still taking requests, could I please request 9 from the fluff prompts “. . . sorry, I talked too much” “No no no not at all. Keep talking” with Eddie. Maybe he's rambling on about one of his passions and he is so used to people shutting him down but the reader is absolutely enamored?

Your writing fills me with pure delight and I keep trying to sneak reading it at work.💙

I am for sure still taking requests! And flattery works well on me so you will definitely get your request written with a sweet message like that!! I am so happy to hear you like to read my work and it fills you with delight. I will make sure to make this extra fluffly for you.

“… sorry, I talked too much” “No no no not at all. Keep talking”

Eddie was heading to his deal after school, walking and sitting at his usual bench. He rolled his eyes as Jason sat in front of him. "Let's make this fast." Eddie huffed out, opening his lunch box. Eddie was measuring out the weed when Jason spoke up, "So what exactly is a hellfire club?" Eddie looked up, silently puzzled. Why was he asking him about hellfire? Jason never cared. All he wanted was to make his life hell. Eddie glared as he answered with a stiff tone. "We don’t need to do small talk. This is about $30." Eddie handed over the bag filled with weed. He was thrown off by Jason's expression. He almost looked genuine. Eddie always had a soft heart, thanks to Wayne. "It's a DnD club; my friends and I play. It's a fantasy game. We form an adventuring party and explore fantasy worlds together as we embark on epic quests and level up in experience. We each have our own personalities. I'm-" But he was cut off when Jason laughed; the genuine expression was gone. "Wow, those theater classes are paying off. You truly thought I gave a shit about your freak club. " He scoffed and threw the money on the table. And with that, he walked off back to the school grounds. Eddie's shoulders slumped. He knew that not many people understood DnD and thought it was dumb. But that was one of the places he felt himself. Those kids looked up to him, and it made him feel good. He's so used to people looking down on him. It was something he knew so much about he could talk about it for hours, but no one ever wanted to listen. With a slightly worse mood than he showed up with, he went to his van to head home. ~~~~~~~ The next time Eddie got passionate about talking about a topic was with Steve. Eddie was in the middle of a rant about how horror films were truly works of art. Steve believed romance was the top tier. "Listen man, chicks dig horror films. It gets them horny or some shit." Eddie's main point was that he believed nothing got a girl fired up faster than a horror film. Eddie was not one to give up during an argument, so he started stating his facts. He goes into full detail to back up his theory. He was feeling proud of how much information he was able to bring up, but once again that feeling in his gut returned when Steve spoke up, "Okay, I got it, damn you didn't have to keep talking for so long." and he went to help a customer. Eddie felt embarrassed. He knew he got too into his conversations and would go over the top. But the feeling of someone telling you they aren't interested in talking with you or listening to you always hurts. ~~~~~~~ Eddie tried not to talk too much about things. That feeling that had turned his mood sour was something he didn't want to experience again. But once again, he couldn't stop himself in class when the topic of music was brought up. He proudly stated how he played guitar and was in a band. He was working in a group, and they had to create a song with chords. Eddie decided to take the role of the group, as his sweetheart had taught him well. The group had to share their work with the class. Eddie was passionately stating how his mind came up with certain parts of the song. He felt confident and, for the first time, smart about how well he understood the material. But then that feeling was running down his throat and landing in his stomach when a voice spoke up.

"Yo freak, I don't care about how you made the song. Quit talking, we have other stuff to do." Defeated Eddie headed to his seat in the back of the class, with his curly head down.

~~~~~~

Eddie was forcing books into his dirty locker that really needed to be cleaned out when a soft and gentle voice came from next to him. "Excuse me?" Eddie looked over and saw the most gorgeous person he had ever seen. Their eyes were big and sparkled. Their hair was styled to perfection. And a big smile was stretched across their faces. Eddie felt his heart literally skip a few beats. He then realized he had not answered. "Oh yes, Hi." He fumbled out with a shy smile. They laughed, and the smile got even bigger.

"I'm new and was wondering if you could help me out." Eddie's ears were attentively listening to them. It was like their voice were his new favorite sounds.

Eddie nodded quickly and put out his hand. "I'm Eddie." "I'm Y/N" They shook his hand with a soft grip. His stomach did flips at the contact. Eddie spent the rest of the day showing Y/N around, helping them get to classes, showing them the nearest bathrooms, and even asking Y/N to join his lunch table, to which they happily agreed. Eddie and Y/N were getting closer as the days passed. They shared many classes, sat at lunch together, and Eddie lied and said he studied at the library on Fridays, just to have Y/N alone at least once a week. And tonight, Eddie was finally going to ask Y/N out. He had no idea if they were even interested, but he had to take the chance. "So Y/N, any plans for this evening?" Eddie asked as Y/N hopped into his van. Y/N quickly answered with a no. Eddie felt relieved at the fact that they didn't have plans. "Would you maybe want to go out tonight? To like, dinner or something? on a date? " Y/N was caught off guard by the question. There was definitely a crush growing on the metalhead they spent all their time with. They felt a blush heat their cheeks and a smile form. "I'd love to." they answered, and they had never seen Eddie smile bigger than today. Eddie decided on a diner. Granted, he couldn't afford an expensive place, but he hoped a diner would be a good choice. "Don't worry Eddie, I've loved diners ever since I was young. This is a great choice. " Eddie felt himself smile at that and was pleased that this date was going in a good direction.

As the date went on, the conversations flowed effortlessly. His cheeks hurt from how much he was smiling and laughing. He could feel the crush growing more and more. He tried to steer the direction of things he knew he'd go over the top with. He really liked Y/N and did not want to annoy them with his constant ramblings. The date ended and he brought them home. He sealed the date with a kiss and a new hope in his chest. He felt like he was on cloud nine the whole way home. Smiling to himself and fist bumping, he was proud that he didn't get carried away in conversation. Maybe he was getting better at keeping himself composed. ~~~~ Y/N loved spending time with Eddie in the last few weeks. He was sweet, caring, and hilarious. But something kept nagging in their minds. It felt like he was walking on eggshells when they spoke. Y/N wasn't sure if they were intimating or boring. But Eddie is honest. He'd say something, wouldn't he? Y/N and Eddie were cuddling on his couch, in his small and cozy trailer. Y/N's hand was delicately rubbing Eddie's chest over his hellfire shirt. "So what is hellfire?" They asked softly. Eddie went stiff. His mind went back to Jason, and that sickening feeling arose in his stomach. He tried to stay clear of hellfire and DnD conversation because he knew he couldn't stay quiet about it. "Just a club." He mumbled with a shrug. "What's the club about?" Y/N asked as they looked up at him. They could see the anxiety in Eddie's eyes. They just didn't understand why he was so distant and scared. "Its DnD." His answers were short and quick. They weren't giving up on him. "What's DnD? I'm not sure I've heard about it.” Eddie made eye contact and he could see the curiosity in their eyes. Y/N was different from Jason. Eddie shouldn't treat them so badly. He sighed and began to describe the events of DnD.

Eddie was lost in his rant when he looked at the clock. His eyes went huge when he realized he had been talking Y/N's ear off for 20 minutes straight of just DnD. He quickly shut his mouth, mid-explanation. He reasoned that since Y/N had already zoned out, they wouldn't even notice his thought was incomplete.

But to his surprise, Y/N looked up at him, confused, "Why did you stop? Did Dustin defeat Vecna? " Eddie was lost for words. Not only were they listening the whole time, but they were asking him to continue. "Oh, I'm sorry. I talked too much, so I didn't want to bore you. " His words made their heart hurt. How could he think that they didn't want to listen to him? He never talks too much. This was the most they had gotten to hear him speak in weeks. They smiled encouragingly, "No, not at all. Keep talking. I need to know how it ends. I love how passionate you sound. " Eddie swears he fell in love right there. His chest felt like it was going to explode. He felt accepted and understood. For once, someone wanted to listen to him. Someone cared. And he vowed not to mess this up.

#eddie munson #eddie stranger things #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson fluff x reader #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson request

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pearbunny · 6 months

Text

the bucket list ✘ [nine]

series masterlist | prev | next [ ❀ spotify playlist ]

summary: Fly to Korea. Check. Buy a bouquet of flowers for a stranger. Check. Have said stranger come along with you to accomplish your bucket list? Well that wasn’t on the list, but falling in love was.

pairing: han jisung x afab!reader

genre: 18+ [MDNI] strangers to lovers, non idol au, crack, mostly fluff, later chapters to include: angst, comfort, smut.

general warnings: tourist!mc, adult themes including but not limited to: suggestive content, nudity, cursing, mentions of death in later chapters, eventual smut.

word count: 6k

chapter content: m/c and jisung are both in their own anxious thoughts, alcohol consumption, self-doubt, self-sabotaging, mentions of self-worth, explicit smut: oral (f receiving), clit play, breast play, praise kink, pet names (baby, good girl), unprotected sex (don't be dumb; be responsible), cream pie? screen shots: one.

author’s note: I'm honestly a little shy about this one, but also really happy because I feel like i pushed myself as a lil itty bitty author with it. Also, I decided to add the playlist I've made for this fic. It's all over the place; sorry lol. Last warning for minors or those uncomfortable, this chapter does contain smut.

The smell of coffee and books intermingle in the air while a soft jazz song plays over the shop’s speakers. When you asked Jisung if he wanted to do anything while in Busan this morning, he said he wanted to check this place out. It was a very Instagrammable spot, a coffee shop meet bookstore meet vinyl record store. Rows on rows of bookshelves were stocked with numerous books ranging from children’s learning books to historical memoirs. The shelves against the wall were mostly for display purposes, books arranged by the color of their covers versus their title, author, even genre.

Jisung is near the back, checking out the collection of vinyl records they have in store. He has a couple tucked under his arm that he brings over to the record player. He places the over ear headphones on and lets the music fill his ears as he closes his eyes and his fingers drum over the tops of stacked records.

You, however, are seated in a plush mustard yellow velvet sofa, giving the illusion of being deep into a book. You aren’t, though, and instead are lost in your own thoughts, eyes glazed over staring blankly at the opened page. As you replay the previous day’s events in your head, your knee subconsciously begins to bounce under the book you’re supposedly reading.

Why didn’t you kiss him?

The question has been on your mind ever since you got off the Ferris Wheel.

Despite your best efforts to act like everything was okay, Jisung could tell immediately that you felt anxious about something. He would try to make light hearted jokes, make goofy faces at you when you didn’t realize you were straight up staring at him, anything to get you out of your own mind.

Maybe it was just the way Jisung naturally was with people. Maybe he had just been so attuned to you and your moods and thoughts that he could just tell when something was off about you. Maybe you were being obvious.

Sometimes, when you were spacing off, you’d come back to Jisung looking at you with eyes wide with curiosity and concern. You’d feel a lingering touch on you when Jisung would guide you through small crowds. You’d feel him holding your hand for just a couple seconds longer than necessary whenever you reached out for him.

Even now, Jisung’s eyes would find their way back to you in that corner just to make sure you were still there. He takes the headphones off and places his collected records down by the player. He walks over to you and crouches down to sit on the back of his heels, grabbing your attention when he closes the book in your lap. “Come with me.”

You give him the most genuine smile you could muster, one that was toothless and didn’t reach your eyes, and toss the book aside to take his hands as he leads you back to the room with all the vinyl records. There’s a large wooden stand up tic-tac-toe structure in the middle of the room right under the skylight.

“You go first.” Jisung crouches down low to be closer to the wooden board game.

“Okay,” You grab one of the ‘X’ blocks and place it right in the middle of the three by three grid.

Jisung places his own wooden ‘O’ blocks in the bottom left corner. “That wasn’t hard, was it?”

You cock a quizzical brow at him, “What wasn’t hard?” You place your next piece right above your original piece, intending to win by placing your next piece on the bottom row, middle column.

“Making the first move,” He chuckles and eyes you for a moment before placing his piece top left. Jisung knows that your next piece will win the game.

You roll your eyes at his joke, scoffing playfully. You look at the board again, noticing that if you didn’t place your next piece between the O’s he placed on the first column, he would get a match. You completely forget your original plan and place your piece to block his match.

Jisung’s eyes widen at your move. He knows how competitive you are, so he figures you must be really worked up to mess that one up.

“Oh no, fuck!” You realize your mistake almost immediately. You bend down at the knees, feet flat on the ground as you tug on your hair, “I totally missed my chance to win!”

Jisung places a hand flat on your back, rubbing a soothing circle in a clockwise motion, “Hey, it’s okay. The game’s not over yet.”

You sigh heavily and watch him as he places his next wooden piece in the bottom row, center column next to his own piece and underneath your two x’s to block that match. If you hadn’t been so busy worrying about playing defensively, you would have been able to win.

Jisung has set you up again, but he can tell as your eyes scan the last column of the board that has all spaces free, he can tell you’re overthinking it.

Your overthinking leads you to your demise, but also Jisung’s when you choose to block again instead of win, placing your X on the bottom right.

Jisung places his piece defensively this time, choosing to tie instead of letting you win. “Stalemate.” He says with a shrug of his shoulders. He stands back up and holds his hand out to you.

You look up at him with eyes wide, almost pleading. “Again? Rematch?” You grab his hand as an aid up on your feet when he flashes you a lopsided smile.

Back in your hotel room, Jisung is sitting in front of the wall of windows, examining the new vinyl records he bought at the store while you sit on the table, looking at the backs of books you picked up, too. One self help book and another romance fiction book about a girl, a boy, and a satellite. These would be good reads on the plane ride back home.

You place them into your backpack and notice your old leather bound notebook. You take it out and open it to the page of The Bucket List. It had been a couple of days since you last looked at it. You grabbed a pen and crossed out ‘Send a Message in a Bottle,’ and ‘Ride a Ferris Wheel’. You look over the list and its items, wondering what else you’d be able to cross out.

You figured that this journal was forgotten by your mom, seeing that there were items on the list you knew for certain she had done. You knew for a fact your mom had ridden a Ferris Wheel, the most recent one you were able to cross out. You rode a small ferris wheel at one of those traveling fairs when you were younger with both your parents. ‘Go to a Drive-in Movie Theatre’ is also on the list, but you remember when your mom took both you and Robin out to the Drive-In when her favorite film was showing for its anniversary; stating that your dad was probably tired of watching it over and over again with her.

There were a couple of items that made you wonder how old your mom was when she made the list. Things like, ‘Sneak into a museum after hours’ and ‘Go Skinny Dipping’ make you think that your mother was maybe a teenager? Early 20s? You smile to yourself, recalling that your mother was always just a young free spirit.

“Jisung?” You call over to him.

He looks up from the third and final vinyl record he bought, turning his head to face you, “Hmm?”

You lean forward in your seat towards him, bringing your face nearly eye level with his. “Let’s do something on the list tonight.”

Jisung nods and places his new purchases on the table you were sitting at. “Well, of course. That’s what we’re here for, right?” He smiles and takes your notebook into his lap. “What were you thinking?”

“Maybe we could take a cooking class? I saw an advertisement for a couple's cooking classes on the way back from Lotte World.”

“Or,” Jisung brings the book up to his face, covering everything from his nose bridge down. He raises a brow at you, eyes peering over the pages, “We could Go Skinny Dipping.”

You and Jisung had found your way to the beach after eating and drinking at a local wing and beer eatery off the beach. The alcoholic buzz in your system is enough to feel like you’re floating. When you walk, your steps veer a little closer to him, when he says something mildly funny, you’d laugh a little louder than normal and playfully swat at his arm.

Jisung takes your tote bag from your arm and takes the blanket, spreading it out on the sand. You both take your shoes off, and stuff your socks in them to feel the soft and fine sand under your feet while you sit on the blanket. He slips his hoodie off of himself and holds it out for you to put it on, which you do, hugging the soft fabric close to you.

It’s pretty dark out, most of the light coming from the street and the restaurants and shops. You;re a little bit away from all of that as well as the crowded part of the beach. There weren't a lot of people around at all, just the cars passing by on the main road behind you.

You take a deep breath in and inhale the saltiness of the ocean breeze as you try to calm the fast thumping of your heart. It had taken you a lot of self-convincing to go along with the whole skinny dipping idea.

On one hand, you like Jisung.

You’ve kind of felt yourself gravitating towards him more so than in just a friendly manner. Just this afternoon when you picked up the blanket Jisung always kept in his car to bring to the beach, you checked your reflection in the mirror. You wore something very casual, a white loose button up, a black tank top and some loose linen tan trousers. Your hair was half up-half down, makeup minimal given the circumstances. Just a little bit of blush and gloss. All of this was because you admitted to yourself that you had feelings for a stranger you met on the street on your first day in Korea.

When you applied your blush, picked out your outfit, even when you combed your hair, you wondered, “Will Jisung think I’m trying too hard?”

Skinny Dipping would be a step forward in whatever was transpiring between you two. And it wasn’t like he hadn’t seen you naked before.

On the other hand, you like Jisung.

It’s been years since your last relationship, years since your last anything. You’ve mainly been focused on getting up, going to work, eating, and showering for the better part of those last couple of years. You’ve made up countless excuses of why you couldn’t go out with Robin and the rest of your friends, whether that be to the bar or just on a small shopping day.

You just started getting your bearings straight on your life again and while you’ve definitely had fun the past week, catching feelings for a man on a whole different continent was not something you could have ever anticipated.

And that’s what’s holding you back. There’s a part of you that wants to protect yourself from everything that’s yet to come, but the other part tells you that you didn’t come to Korea just to play it safe.

Jisung has his feet in the sand, both legs bent at the knee in front of him, back curved slightly with his forearms resting on his knees. He observes you for a moment as you stare off into the dark ocean, lost in thought for however many times you’ve done so today; he’s not sure, he’s lost count.

As much as an overthinker you are, Jisung is just as much, but more-so on how other people perceive him. He hides it well behind a small ego well suited for a flirtatious bartender, but its only because of his people-pleasing tendencies. He feels confident when people seem to like him. It’s not him seeking attention – or maybe it is–, it’s him and his fear of letting people down.

Right now, he’s afraid he’s let you down.

He’s replaying everything he’s said and done in his head since you approached him on the street with a bouquet of sunflowers. Maybe he was coming off too strong, maybe you didn’t like him as much as he thought you did. He thinks, maybe that one night was just a fluke, in which if that were the case – Damn.

He fucked up.

But you were still here with him… You slowly stand up beside him, taking a few steps towards the ocean. You stretch your arms above your head, trying to shake off all the thoughts that have been running rampant in your mind. The cold breeze is enough to sober you up.

‘Go Skinny Dipping’, he repeats your words, the bucket list item, in his mind. He’s learned how daring yet indecisive you can be during the past week. He knows that sometimes, you need a little push.

Behind you, Jisung stands up, keeping his distance from you for now. He grabs the back of his shirt from over his shoulders and tugs the fabric over his head. He lets it fall onto the blanket, soundlessly. It’s not until you hear him unbuckling his belt do you get a hint of what he’s up to.

“Wh-what are you–”

“You can look, I don’t mind.” Jisung says it with a smirk on his lips. He knows you won’t.

He’s right, by the way, your head is firmly stuck staring at the ocean. Were you curious? Yes. Of course, but you couldn’t move.

Behind you, Jisung drops his pants and boxer briefs. He rubs his hands together, cold, but also mentally hyping himself up for the waters he was about to plunge himself into. “Gaja!” He runs past you, your eyes widening, and into the ocean. He lets out a low deep wail, goosebumps quickly forming on his skin.

Jisung submerges himself completely in the water, hands forming into fists. When he comes up, he turns towards you and flips his head back so his sopping wet hair stays out of his face. His hand runs over his face, wiping the salt water from his eyes. “Y/N! Come on in!”

Your face reddens watching him. The way the water was sliding down his body in the dark light causes you to subconsciously lick your lips. You cup your hand by your mouth, calling out to him. “How’s the water?”

Jisung brings his feet up off the sandy bottom, treading water while his arms stroke backwards. “Amazing! Not cold at all.” His voice carries over to you, loud, through chattering teeth.

You laugh and go back to the blanket in the sand. You slip Jisung’s zip up hoodie off of your shoulders, then turn back towards him. “Close your eyes Jisung!”

“They’re closed!”

You unbutton your oversized white dress shirt and let it fall on top of the hoodie. You look towards Jisung to see both his eyes open and shift your weight onto your right hip, sighing loudly and dramatically, your shoulders motioning up and down. “Han Jisung, turn around!”

He laughs from his chest and turns his body towards the horizon. “Yes ma’am.”

You eye his form for a moment longer than necessary, just to make sure he wasn’t going to turn around. You cross your arms over your torso and peel your black tank top over your head. You pull at the drawstring of your linen pants and let it fall to the ground. You step out of them and nudge it over to the rest of your clothes with your foot.

You rub at your arms, crossed over your torso, feeling the chill of the night breeze on your skin. You squeeze your arms firmly while you take a deep breath in. As you exhale, you calm your nerves and reach behind you to unclasp your bra and shrug it onto the ground. One arm quickly goes across your breasts and your free hand hooks a finger into the waistband of your underwear, bringing it under your hips and over your thighs to let it drop onto the blanket.

You slowly walk over to the shoreline, the water touching the tips of your toes. You shriek at the cold temperature and Jisung almost turns back in response. Instead, he calls out to you. “Are you okay?”

“You lied, the water is freezing.” As he laughs, you take a couple steps into the water and your teeth begin to chatter. “I’m coming over, don’t turn around!” Steadily, you walk deeper into the ocean until the water comes to mid-chest and you’re behind Jisung.

Your eyes fall on the tattoo on his back. It’s the first time you’re seeing it in its entirety. You’ve seen the top of it peeking over the back collar of his shirt, but other than that, you didn’t really know what it looked like. He spoke about it once when you were getting your own tattoo back on your second day in Korea. An abstract line.

Jisung’s back tenses as your fingers ghost over the design. You start at the middle of his shoulders and run your fingers down, his back straightening with the action. It’s not all solid black, if anything it looks like a trail of smoke, so there were grays in certain areas too. It curved in arbitrary angles and random angles, it made it look very organic and surely one of a kind.

“A friend told me once to keep going,” Jisung’s voice is deep and soft. It takes you by surprise and you retract your hand as if you were burned by it.

“To.. keep going?” You repeat after him, confused.

Jisung nods and hangs his head down low. He brings his hands out in front of him to restlessly play with the water. “To persevere.”

You nod once, though he can’t see you, and bring back your hand to the tattoo.

“He always told me that the path may not be straight, but it will lead you to the destination as long as you’re determined.” Jisung smiles solemnly and when you place your palm fully against his back reassuringly, he relaxes into your touch.

“Don’t look yet, please.” This is probably the fourth time you’ve said that, but you’re nervous regardless of the fact that he has seen every inch of you already. This was different though, you felt emotionally vulnerable, which in turn made you feel physically vulnerable, too. You reach for his hand and he gladly laces your fingers together. He rubs soothing circles on the back of your hand in the water as you stand next to him.

Your lips press together, trying to focus on your breathing to lower your heart rate. You swear you could hear it in your chest. You take a peek through the corner of your eyes to see if he was looking. Thankfully, he wasn’t. You swallow the lump in your throat. “The moon looks beautiful from here.”

Jisung snickers and you’re quick to nudge his arm with your shoulder. “You’re so cheesy.” When he doesn’t stop, you roll your eyes and elbow him again. “Okay, go ahead. Say it.”

“Not more beautiful than you,” He chuckles immediately and even though you knew the exact words that would come from his mouth and the exact way he ended up delivering the line, you blush all the way to the tips of your ears and down your neck.

“You must get so many tips bartending, you’re too smooth with it.” You scoff.

Jisung shrugs and frees his hand from yours, only to wrap his arm around you and bring you close. “I mean it.”

You chew on your bottom lip, the butterflies in your stomach doing somersaults again. This is exactly what you were afraid of.

You stare off into the horizon, where the sky meets the sea and let your mind start to race at all of the reasons why your stomach shouldn’t be doing flips, why your heart shouldn’t be skipping in beats, why you shouldn’t feel giddy whenever Han Jisung looks right into your eyes; into your soul.

Through your silence, Jisung senses your anxiety. He looks down at you from the corner of his eyes, still respecting the fact that you didn’t want him looking at you. When you don’t even notice him blatantly staring, he gets worried.

Screw this, he thinks to himself and he steps in front of you, blocking your sight of the horizon. You look down at yourself and he quickly takes your chin in his hand, tilting your head up to look at him. “What is going on in that head of yours, Y/N?”

“You can’t do that.”

His brows furrow in confusion. “Do what?”

“Do this whole thing, Jisung!” You shut your eyes tightly, both your hands grasping at his arm. You mean to push him away from you, but you can’t, you don’t want to, not really. “We can’t do this!”

Jisung shakes his head in disbelief. This whole time he’s let you set the pace. He’s let you make your own decisions, to leave it up to you to decide what you two were, but if he didn’t say what he wanted to now, he’d regret it. “But why? Why can’t we?!” His voice is a little more stern. He wants answers, he wants definitive answers.

“Jisung, this isn’t real.”

You weren’t making any sense to him. “What do you mean this isn’t real?.” He drops his hand from your chin to reach for your hand. He places his hand firmly on his chest. “I’m here and so are you, “ At this, he tightens his hold over your hand. “We’re both standing here, and maybe I’ve gotten everything wrong,” His brows are knit together further than before, hoping he could convey the emotions he had been feeling. “But for me, it’s real, Y/N.”

Your eyes shut and you fight the tears. You’re not sure if you’re crying because you’re happy that your feelings are reciprocated or if they’re from feeling so frustrated that Jisung just doesn’t understand why you two shouldn’t be having these feelings.

“What don’t you get?!” You raise your voice just slightly. You want to run, you want to hide, both of which are easier than what you’re doing, confronting your feelings head on.

Jisung sighs in frustration. He brings both of his hands to cup your face gently. He cranes his neck downward, placing his forehead against yours. “I don’t get why you can’t look at me. I don’t get why you’re dancing around the obvious attraction. I don’t get why –”

You jerk your head away, a bold action, and the words that come out of your mouth sting even yourself. “Jisung, you don’t want me. I’m fucked up.” Here the tears fall freely. You’re self sabotaging, you know it, but you have to try and push him away. He has to know. “I’m broken,” Your voice lowers and it’s a struggle for Jisung to hear you over the waves crashing around you both. “I’m not something you can fix.”

Jisung just scoffs at your feeble attempt to dissuade him. “You think I’m not broken?”

You stay quiet. It wasn’t fair of you to assume he didn't have his own problems and struggles.

Jisung strokes your hair, pushing a stray lock behind your ear. You lean into his touch, turning your head back towards him. He was so gentle to you, always so patient. It made all this so hard. "I’m not trying to fix you, Y/N. I’m not asking you to be perfect or even okay everyday. I’m just asking you to give us a shot. Why can’t we just try?”

You abruptly open your eyes. You scowl at him with a tear stained, but your hands over his are gentle. Your face and your words mean to push him away, but everything else in your being wants to pull him in. “Because – Because in one week, I will be back home, Jisung.”

Jisung closes his lids half way and he stares at your lips. “So why…” His voice trails off and he places his lips on your cheek bone. “Are we,” Another kiss on your cheek. “Wasting,” A kiss at the corner of your lips. “Our time?”

He pulls back and looks you in the eyes. You’re still glaring, but he searches for any single sign that you wanted this too.

The sign you give him is more than just a look.

You close your eyes and plant the tips of your toes in the sand as you lean up to cover your lips with his. Your hands travel upwards from his chest to snake around his neck, pulling him closer.

You want him. You need him.

You were so stupid for trying to deny this.

Jisung’s left hand leaves your face to steady you, sliding down your frame onto your hip. He brings you closer, sharing that need and want you feel. His nails dig into your hip as you pull him closer. He pulls his lips away from yours, peppering your jawline with kisses.

Neither you nor Jisung know how you got back into your hotel room. It was a blur. You ran and grabbed your clothes and covered yourself with the blanket while Jisung hurriedly put on his pants and belt and his hoodie.

There wasn’t a moment you lost physical contact. At street corners, he held you against him. In the elevator, he leaned against the wall, you between his legs as he tenderly kissed and nipped at your lips.

“What happens when I go back home?” You whispered.

“We’ll worry about that when we get there.” He reassured you.

He has you pressed against your hotel room door, face buried in the crook of your neck when your hands roam his body to look for the key to the door.

“Key,” You manage out while he continues to suck at the tender area where your neck and shoulder meet. Jisung reaches into the back pocket of his jeans and hands his wallet to you.

You laugh at his inability to do it himself and take his wallet, finding the hotel room key. You turn around to slide the door key into the reader and Jisung once again holds you flush against him.

His arousal is extremely evident and you can’t open the door quicker.

Through the door, you toss your clothes aside and the blanket drops from your body. You work quickly to take Jisung’s hoodie back off before he crouches low to lift you easily by your thighs. Your lips latch hungrily onto his, battling for dominance within the kiss. Each suck, each bite, you return, even as your back hits the plush mattress.

Jisung litters your face with kisses, trailing down your neck and collarbone. His hand squeezes at your left breast as his mouth takes in your right before he leaves both to continue his kisses down your stomach. He places himself between your legs, kneeling on the floor. He tosses one leg of yours over his shoulder and kisses your wet pussy over your underwear.

You whimper in response and your hands automatically find his head. You want to keep him there until the knot in your abdomen comes undone. It’s like he knows what you’re thinking when he hooks your panties in one of his fingers and moves them to the side, flattening his tongue against your wet heat.

You let out a quivery exhale through your lips, tugging at Jisung’s damp hair.

Jisung closes his eyes and focuses his attention on your clit, sucking the hardened nub and pinning your hips down when you attempt to buck up at him. Your hold on his hair is so tight that when he momentarily takes himself off of you, his head tilts backwards. At that moment, he looks at your face and notices your tightly closed eyes.

Your eyes flutter open to see him staring at you. The blush on your face deepens the longer he’s hovering over you, just admiring your face and your reactions. Jisung climbs on top of you, placing a kiss on your forehead. That alone sends shivers down your spine.

There’s a moment between the two of you, no words spoken. Just a look exchanged that is worth more than words can express. You lean up and wrap your arms around his neck to pull him in for a kiss. He kisses you back with just as much passion and when you pull away, you’re both breathless. HIs hand cradles your jaw and neck gently, thumb running across your swollen pink lips. On instinct, you bite your bottom lip and Jisung smiles in return.

He leans back on his knees on the bed, tugging your panties off in the process. Jisung steps off the bed, aiming to grab a condom, but you sit up and grab his wrist firmly, tugging him back towards you. You look up at him on your knees and slowly shake your head.

Jisung raises a brow, not quite fully understanding, but when your fingers glide over the buckle of his belt, undoing it followed by his zipper, he can’t help but to watch you through half lidded eyes.

His pants drop to the floor with the clang of his belt. You lay back down, head on the bed’s pillow. Jisung crawls after you like a moth attracted to a flame. Jisung dips his head down to place another kiss against your lips.

You reach a hand between your bodies and grasp at his hard length, catching Jisung by surprise. He inhales sharply through his nose, body tensing over you. You smile coyly and stroke him once, twice, and the way his face contorts: eyes shut tightly, brows knit together, his lips slightly parted; you understand just why Jisung likes to watch you.

You can feel him growing harder in your palm, vein throbbing against your thumb. He buries his head in your neck, his forearms on either side of you bearing most of his weight. “Fuck,” He chokes out, hot breath against your shoulder.

“Me?” You ask with a playful tone.

Jisung chuckles and pulls himself back up to take a look at you. “Please.”

You let go of his hard and swollen cock as he positions himself between your legs, thighs coated with your arousal. He runs the tip against your folds and you tremble with anticipation while he steels himself for what’s to come. He presses his hips forward, the head of his dick pushes past your folds and into the warmth of your pussy.

The feeling is so euphoric. You can feel him enter you, stretching you out with every inch he pushes deeper. His breath is shaky against your lips, his face right above yours as the both of you watch each other’s expressions of pure ecstasy.

“Fuck,” you hiss when he bottoms out.

Jisung reaches for your open palm by your head and you’re quick to interlock your fingers together. “Good girl,” He whispers. You squeeze his hand, signaling for him to move. He does, moving his hips back and forth slowly against you. Your eyes roll back, the feeling almost too much to handle. You can’t believe how good it feels. The pace he sets is steady, thrusts deep, your chest bouncing with the rhythm of his hips. “So good, so pretty,” He says between grunts.

He’s determined to hear you moan and you’re determined to keep quiet. He pulls his hips back and thrusts into you hard and deep. Deep enough that it causes your mouth to drop open. The next thrust makes you moan. Every thrust after that is backed with a sense of purpose: to make you moan over and over again.

Your breathing is erratic now, your chest heaving up and down visibly. You lock your ankles around Jisung’s waist, pulling him closer. You need him closer. He pulls out of you and tears prick at your eyes. “Ji, why?”

A chuckle rumbles from his chest.

You pout at him and you bet you look real pathetic, eyes watery from just the lack of him inside you, but Jisung doesn’t see that at all; you’re beautiful. He turns you on your side and positions himself behind you and slips back in. “Ooo,” You say through grit teeth, enjoying the new angle.

His arms wrap tightly around you, pulling you close to his body. The new position was intimate, especially with your back pressed against his chest, one of his hands tenderly at your neck. His hips snap into you over and over again and your mouth hangs open. Jisung takes the opportunity to place his two fingers into your mouth, just testing the waters there. Immediately, you close your lips and suck on his digits.

You’re not sure why – you were never this adventurous with your past partners –, but that specific action coupled with the new deeper angle made your walls squeeze around him. He takes his fingers out of your mouth with a pop, rocking into you faster.

“Jisung,” His name spills from your mouth and your head rolls back against him, grabbing onto his arm across your torso.

He knows you're close. He can tell.

Jisung unwraps an arm from around you and hoists your leg up high in the ditch of his elbow, spreading you open wider.

“Ji– Fuck. ” You curse, so close to unraveling.

“That’s my girl,” By this point, he’s picked up on how you subconsciously squeeze around him whenever he praises you, “Come with me, baby. Just a little more.”

You fight the urge to shut your eyes and he tugs at the back of your hair to angle your head towards him. You look behind you to him from the corner of your eyes. Jisung nods, his expression an exact mirror of your own.

Hair messy. Eyes glazed over in neediness and pleasure. Lips dry and swollen from kisses and open mouth panting.

The next words that come out of your mouth surprise Jisung, “Cum in me.”

“Are you sure?” “Ye–”

He pulls out almost all the way and thrusts – no, pounds into you. He does this over and over again until he’s close, you’re trying your best to hold out for him. With one final thrust, you see stars, body feeling like it's floating as he finishes inside of you, warm cum painting your walls.

Jisung stays sheathed inside of you while the room is filled with heavy panting, the both of you trying to catch your breath. Jisung places a tender kiss against your shoulder. You look back at him and offer him a sleepy smile. “Jisung, you can stop sleeping on the floor.”

He laughs behind you and pulls you close against him, draping his arms around your waist.

When you wake up, you find yourself covered in the white hotel sheets, the sun coming through the floor-to-ceiling windows, warm against your skin. The heat rises to your face when you recall last night. A huge smile finds its way onto your lips even recalling the 'request' you asked of him. Good thing your best friend convinced you to go on the pill three years ago.

You look around, trying to find where Jisung went off to. It takes you a moment for your eyes to adjust, but when you do, you find Jisung out on the balcony.

You reach for your phone on the floor and snap a picture, wanting to remember the man you met in Korea forever. Scrolling through the apps on your phone, you bite on your lower lip in hesitation but decide to post it anyway.

ending author’s notes: Here's that huge step I was talking about last ending a/n. I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter!

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@burningchaosdeer, @bat-shark-repellant , @jisunglyricist , @captivq , @lixiel0ver , @channieandhisgoonsquad , @dalamjisung , @laylasbunbunny , @beanebabyy , @leyknowsbin , @vixensss , @hyunfilms , @cutiespaghetti , @hanjisunginc , @kubuwu , @raehawthorne , @leeknowyah , @lifeissteph

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sidekick-hero · 5 months

Text

I want you to want me

(Teen | wc: 922 | steddie | prompt: open mic night for @steddieholidaydrabbles | tags: exes, open but hopeful ending, inspired by my favorite movie of all times 10 things I hate about you)

"Come on, Eddie. You've been moping around for weeks. Let's have some fun like we used to, man." Gareth was practically whining at Eddie and it was getting on his nerves.

"No way, man. I'm not moping, I just don't feel like going to some dumb-ass party to watch preppy jerks get drunk and barf in the bushes."

Never mind that the one person he actually wants to see won't be there. He'll still spend every second looking for that familiar shock of hair he loved running his hands through. He dreams about it still, can still hear the way Steve sounded when he tugged at the strands at the back of his neck.

He wonders when it'll stop hurting so much to think about him. To miss him like a fucking limb or something and still be afraid to even call him. What could he even say? I'm sorry for breaking your heart and I understand you hate me. The problem is that while acting like I cared about you for money I actually went and fell in love with you, so will you please give me another chance.

Yeah, sure.

"You're not even listening, dude. Harrington has really gotten to you," Gareth huffs, sounding genuinely upset. Eddie has hurt enough people he cares about, so he gives Gareth a look that says ‘I’m listening’ and Gareth rolls his eyes at him, but continues. "I told you about the open mic night, Will's reading one of his short stories and asked me to come. Me. This could be my chance. And you owe me man for all the crazy shit I helped you with while courting a jock of all people. So you coming or what?"

Gareth’s right, is the thing. Eddie owes him for everything, helping him in so many ways to make Steve fall for him. Coming with him to this stupid thing is the least he can do. He doesn’t have to like it though, so Eddie throws his arms up in the universal gesture of ‘fine, whatever, but I'm not going to enjoy watching you make goo-goo eyes at Will Byers’.

Gareth's rubs his hands together like some sort of super-villain with extremely fluffy hair and Eddie regrets all his life choices.

Open mic night is just as awful as Eddie thought it would be. There's this girl, something silly Thompson, and Eddie feels like he's listening to a small animal giving birth as she sings the national anthem. It's deeply disturbing.

He lost Gareth as soon as they entered the bar and Will spotted them and waved Gareth over. And that's a good thing, he's really not in the mood to watch them fall over each other.

They've been in this hellhole for almost an hour when he spots something that makes his stomach do somersaults while his skin starts to tingle all over. A shock of mousy brown hair, messier than usual, probably from Steve running his hands through it nervously.

His breath stops as he sees Steve climbing onto the stage with a single sheet of paper in his hand, chewing on his full lower lip as he stares out at the crowd. Eddie wants his eyes to find his. He is afraid that they will.

"Hey, uh, everybody. My best friend thinks I need to find some closure? Or something. Maybe she just likes to see me suffer for being an asshole in school. Anyway, I, uh, I'm just starting, I guess."

Eddie's stomach plummets at Steve's words. Closure. He should leave before he has to listen to Steve tell him and everyone in this room how much he hates Eddie.

He's not sure if he'll survive the damage to his heart, but he deserves the pain, he knows it. So he stays.

To everyone else, Steve must look calm, maybe a little embarrassed to be up there. But Eddie sees the way the hand holding the paper trembles, the way his eyebrows knit together, and the self-soothing way the fingertips of his other hand keep tapping his thumb.

I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair. I hate the way you drive my car, I hate it when you stare. I hate your big dumb combat boots, and the way you read my mind. I hate you so much it makes me sick, It even makes me rhyme. I hate the way you're always right, I hate it when you lie. I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry. I hate it when you're not around, and the fact that you didn't call. But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you, Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.

Halfway through, Steve's eyes find his, and even with the way Steve pinches his nose, there is no way to stop the tears from streaming down his face. Eddie's heart breaks again for the man in front of him. God, how could he have been so stupid and selfish to accept an offer from Carver, of all people, to woo Steve so he could make a move on his sister Chrissy?

When Steve’s finished, he almost runs off the stage and out the door while Eddie stands shocked, Steve's words ringing in his ears.

But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you, not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.

Maybe they still have a chance.

#steddie #steddie drabble #steddieholidaydrabbles #slowly trying to get back into writing so this daily drabble thing is a great idea #my writing

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marauders-peace · 9 months

Text

Distance Between Sun And Moon

Summary: The reader is hurt from the fight they had with Remus. After that her friends want to throw a party to lighten the mood. But the reader doesn't know if they should go and in a moment of weakness they search help by a new friend.

Warnings: self doubt, self hatred, People are dumb and blind when they are in love, lot less then usual lol

This part is more a build up for the next part, but it's still my longest :') Wc: 1.114

Masterlist part 1 --- part 7

Hope you enjoy<333

Tense.

If I had to describe myself in one word, this would fit perfectly. After the tragedy yesterday, I was shattered and tense. It was Sunday, and the others had planned a small celebration.

I won't go. Knowing Sirius and James, they will now throw a huge party to lure me close to Remus. But I will NEVER go.

I don't want to be near him. I don't want to breathe the same air as him. Not that my body would betray me.

I left the room early. I couldn't stand the tense silence between us any longer.

I didn't go to the library, as I knew he would find me there. And that was the last thing I wanted. I searched for a place where I could hide.

Quickly, I realized that there was no place where my friends couldn't find me. Where he couldn't find me. Aimlessly, I roamed through the castle.

I ran my fingers along the walls, without any specific thoughts.

Suddenly, my fingertips touched a bump. A door. A room. What?

It was probably forbidden, but it felt like a sacred gift. So, I went inside.

What I found there left me speechless.

~~~~

"Where were you?" "I just wanted to clear my head." I entered the Gryffindor common room, and Mary practically attacked me.

She looked at me, opened her mouth, then closed it again. She seemed undecided. That made me laugh. "Spit it out already!" "Would you like to come to the big party?" She looked desperate, and I felt guilty.

"Mary…" "Come on, it's going to be fantastic! Everyone is invited and coming. We managed to get the kitchen to cook for us, so there'll be great food, and-!"

"I can't, Mary."

She seemed like she wanted to say something else, but then she just looked at me. Eventually, she looked down at the floor.

"I know. Actually, I know. And I also know that he's behaving like a jerk."

She didn't need to say the name. We both knew who she meant.

She looked at me with big eyes, eyes that pleaded with me.

"But I also know that he really cares about you. That he doesn't want to hurt you. That he feels terrible about yesterday."

She begged me to listen to him. Maybe even to forgive him. "I'm not ready for that… I'm sorry."

She simply nodded in encouragement.

"I understand."

After our conversation, she left me alone, and I was very grateful for that. Too many thoughts plagued me.

I walked slowly through the corridors of Hogwarts. They were long, and you could never know all of them. I hoped I wouldn't run into Remus. Somehow, he always seemed to find me, which never bothered me before, but now? Now, it was terrible.

My steps slowed down. My feet grew heavier. My breath became uneven. I had this terrible habit of running away from my problems.

"(y/n)?"

My heart stopped.

But not because of Remus.

I turned around to face Luis and prepared myself for an argument. His brother must have talked to him, and I wouldn't blame him if he wanted me out of his life. But he just looked surprised.

"I thought you'd be with your friends?"

My eyes widened. I had canceled on him because we were supposed to do something together. In my panic, I had completely forgotten about him. Because of Remus.

"Oh yeah, that didn't work out."

It sounded like an excuse, and I felt embarrassed. But he looked genuinely concerned.

"Why?"

Then it all came back.

Well, that he's playing with your feelings. The fact that his brother showed up right after you hurt his brother's pride only proves it.

Everything I had tried to suppress.

That was definitely meant as just friends hanging out. Sometimes you're really naive.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

I looked up at Luis. He looked calm. But there was a certain panic in his eyes that reminded me of his brother when I was knocked out.

"We had a little argument." He didn't ask what it was about. He just looked at me sincerely.

It felt like Remus was looking at me. It was as if he could see right into my soul.

"Are you okay?"

Whatever.

And that's when I broke down.

~~~~

Remus's POV. Morning.

"You are being a lunatic, Moons." Sirius's voice startled me, and I quickly closed the map. He was right.

"And a stalker. Moony, it's not healthy to keep looking for her on the map all the time." James came into my field of view. He and Sirius were getting ready for Quidditch training. He looked at me accusingly.

"I'm just worried. I can't seem to find her. It's almost as if she disappeared into thin air." Excuse.

James didn't believe me for a second; that was clear. "Maybe you just overlooked her."

My fingers itched to open the map and keep searching. My gaze slid back to the map and got stuck there. James noticed.

"Give me the map, Moony."

"What?" Please don't take it away from me.

James shook his head. "You'll just keep searching for her. And, honestly, I don't think she wants to see you. You need to wait for her and leave her alone. So, hand it over."

He held out his hand expectantly.

"Don't tell me you didn't search for Lily either." I didn't want to wait. I wanted to make everything right immediately.

James sighed. "I did. Of course, I wanted to fix everything right away. But I accepted that I have to wait for her. That's why I didn't pressure her and overwhelm her with apologies yesterday. Wounds need time to heal, Remus. You know that best."

Reluctantly and unwillingly, I handed over the map.

A whistle came from behind us.

"Prongs, since when are you so wise? And I always thought you were as dumb as a rock." Even now, Sirius could make jokes.

Then the door was opened, and Peter rushed in. "Guys, I managed to convince the house-elves in the kitchen to cook for our party!"

"Party?"

Sirius grinned at me. "Well, we thought we might speed up the healing process a bit."

James looked surprised. "I didn't think you'd understand my metaphor. And I always thought you were as dumb as a rock!"

Sirius punched him, and they went off to practice, while Peter looked confusedly after them.

"What was that about?"

~~~

Reader's POV. Present.

I told him everything about Remus. From my embarrassing rejection to our argument yesterday. He just listened to me. In between, he led me to a quiet corner, and we sat down there.

When I was finished, I felt ten tons lighter. I felt lighter than ever before. Telling someone all of this without them telling me how Remus didn't mean it like that was so refreshing. I allowed myself to just explain my feelings without worrying about Remus.

"And now all my friends are throwing a huge party. Everyone's invited, but I'm not sure if I want to go. He'll probably want to talk to me, and I'm not really ready for that…"

The words flowed out of me like water flowing down a river, unstoppable.

Luis looked at me for a long time. He didn't say anything for a while, and then he said something that surprised me.

"Do you want to go to the party with me?"

"What?"

He looked at me sheepishly. "Not as a date or anything! I just thought maybe I could help you with Remus. If I'm with you, he probably won't approach you by himself, right?"

"No, probably not." But I knew how it would look for him then. It would look like I was on a date with Luis, a day after we had argued.

But why should he care?

"If it feels too weird for you, I understand -" "Actually, that's a good idea." I interrupted him. He looked surprised, as if he hadn't expected that. But then he smiled.

"Then let's go together today."

I was very grateful to Luis. He was a great friend.

Maybe Remus would then tell me why he cares so much.

The sun rotates around the earth, trying to ignore the moon, which followers the sun desperately, trying to get noticed.

Taglist : @juleshadalittlelamb @fluffybunnyu @tendous-pretty-hair @helloitsmeeeeeee @valencia-rou @woohoney @mothermaryisdead @blackqueens01

#marauders era #marauders #the marauders #dead gay wizards #harry potter #remus lupin #sirius black #james potter #remus lupin x reader #remus lupin angst #remus lupin x you #mary macdonald #lily evans #Spotify

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kuroashibish · 2 years

Text

Jealousy

part two

Disclaimer: grammatical errors ahead and some spoiler I guess! I don't write that often so please just excuse how bad it is. Also, most of the characters are OOC so I'm sorry for that.

Since then, Senku noticed how you became distant from him. Whenever he tries to talk to you, you'll be busy with helping around even if it's not really a hard task.

You on the other hand genuinely just wanted to help and speed up the process and oblivious about the issue Senku has. They plan to set out to the sea but there's things that they needed first and it is really a lot of work.

Gen, being the observant that he is, noticed how poor is your communication with Senku at the moment. He knows how Senku thinks you're avoiding him while you just wanted to make some tasks easier for the people.

One afternoon, while you were taking a break from helping Yuzuriha, Gen approached you with the same smile you always get from him.

He sat down beside you and watched as the people of the Kingdom of Science take their rests as well. His gaze then went on your wrist where's the bracelet Senku had given you on your birthday.

"Did you really thought you could fool me, dear?" he asked, his tone being the same as usual. He isn't mad, he knows you have reasons and as your friend, he respects that.

"What do you mean Gen?" confused, you tilted your head to the side when you looked at him. His eyes meeting yours, did he found out?

He chuckled, taking your hand in his. His skin feels warm against your cold one, "You should've worn gloves, my dear. We don't want your skin to be damaged now do we?"

"Gen, get straight to the point," you said in a stern tone. Gen cleared his throat looking behind you then returning into your eyes again. "I know Senku forgot and that bracelet is already yours. I've seen you wore it a couple of times already."

The distant voices of the people from the village then soon faded when you heard him speak those words. Of course he knew, he's the mentalist of the so called kingdom.

"Do you want to talk about it while having some cola, hm?" he offered with a small smile.

"I don't see any problem with it."

Senku watched from afar, he watched as you converse with Gen with that bright smile. He knows that jealousy is an act of being insecure and he's sure as hell that he is insecure.

He haven't seen you smile like that to him since all of this happened. All he saw was small smiles or ones that he isn't even sure if they were true.

You laugh like you don't care who could hear you, it made him feel even more jealous when you ruffled Gen's hair.

"Gah, I can't with your hair. It's all spiked up even without using a product. I can't mess with it," you complained towards your boyfriend who's busy looking through a microscope.

He wished it was him that you're laughing with, he wished that he was the one who's behind those smiles and laughs. He totally hates it and then Chrome called his name followed by a question about the thing he's currently working on.

Dinner came soon and you're with Gen, again. As much Senku dislikes the idea of you spending your day with Gen he just watched you from a distance. Chrome notices it as well, he's not that dumb not to notice how Senku is not in the mood all the time.

He's sick of seeing Senku like that so he decided to approach him from behind. "You know, you should talk to Y/n-san. It wouldn't hurt to say what's bothering you," Senku flinched a bit at the sudden voice but played it cool like the usual.

"What are you talking about? I-"

"You know what I'm talking about," Chrome's voice was stern. Senku could see how serious the boy is and thought maybe it is right. You're still his and he promised before that he would try to communicate more since we all know how Senku doesn't talk about what he is feeling.

He stood up from his seat and tapped Chrome's shoulder in a way of saying thank you to the guy before making his way to where you are.

"And then he was like-" your sentence was cut short when someone spoke. "Can we talk Y/n?" it was Senku. You looked at Gen and he gave you a encouraging nod before excusing himself from there.

After he left you turned to look at your lover again, "Do you need something Senku-san?" he was taken aback when you used formality with his name. He was used being called Senku by you or even sometimes some pet names that he thought were actually cute.

"It's about us," he started. "I.. I know I've been neglectful of you and.." he then whispered the next words, "I'm sorry."

You just listened to whatever he has to say and even found it cute that he was jealous all along when you thought he was getting tired of you.

"And seeing you smiling and all that wants me to-" you shut him up with a peck on his lips. Senku looked shocked, his eyes were wide, cheeks were flushed as he look at you.

Meanwhile..

Gen was hiding behind a tree together with Chrome, watching as you two make up. "It's all thanks to me. Their relationship was saved," Chrome whispered to Gen proudly. "No, it was me. Senku just came earlier and we didn't expect him to be the one to make the first move," Gen countered and both guys started bickering, catching the attention of the couple.

"What are you doing?" Senku looked down on them who are rolling on the ground, holding each other's collar and their hair a mess.

"Nothing!" they both shouted at the same time.

#dr stone fanfics #dr stone x reader #dr stone #ishigami senku x reader #senku x reader #senku x y/n #senku x you

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violentviolette · 10 months

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Sorry for the ask but I wanted to know how to tell if what you're experiencing is bpd or aspd? They overlap a lot and I can't differentiate the two at times. I'm sorry if you've already been asked this before or if this question sounds dumb😆!

no worries anon it's not a dumb question at all. ur right that theres a lot of overlap and it can be difficult to tell on the surface

the easiest difference to use imo is empathy. people with bpd can still experience empathy, tho it will be dysfunctional. their empathy will often "turn off/on" as a response to outside stimuli. meaning that when they are triggered their emapthy will shut down. people with bpd also often find they only exprience empathy for their fp's or other specific individuals, but not others, or that they experience empathy sometimes in small doses but it's difficult for them

people with aspd on the other hand, never experience empathy. even when we are in healthy environments with people we trust and genuinely care about, we are not able to regain or "turn on" our ability to empathize as it is permanently stunted. if u expeirience emotional empathy at all, to any capacity or in any situation, then u most likely do not have aspd

another good metric is mood instability that revolves around specific people. contrary to popular misinformation, people with aspd do not experiene "favorite people" aka the experience of becoming emotionally reliant and fixated on a specific individual who ur entire emotional state then revolves around. if they acknowlege u, then ur super happy and feel elated and have a manic like high. but if u percieve them to be ignoring or rejecting u, then the high swings into a violent low and u become depressed and suicidal at the slightest hint of a perceieved rejection reguardless of reality. because of this ppl with bpd also tend to experience jealousy in a way people with aspd do not

people with aspd also do not experience "splitting" which is when ur emotions suddenly take a hard shift towards a person and u suddenly are overcome by negative feelings towards them that cannot be rationalized or reconciled and u suddenly hate them and find urself focusing all ur negative thoughts towards them

bpd emotions tend to be more volatile, meaning they suddenly and without warning will shift and change and feel all over the place. going from manic highs to suicidal lows in the span of hours and repeating this process in a cycle based around their feelings towards other people. whereas aspd is much more catagorized by anhedonia and a lack of emotions besides anger and irritability. people with aspd default to anger as their primary emotion and lash out frequently because of that, but do not often experience the manic highs and depressive lows and rarely if ever are their emotions tied so heavily to another person. people with aspd tend to devalue connection with others and struggle to value them enough to become unhealthily obsessed another person and dont rely on them for their emotional support in the same ways as ppl with bpd do

#jack.speaks #anon #aspd #bpd #cluster b #cluster b pd #cluster b personality disorder #actually aspd #actually antisocial

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outrunningthedark · 1 year

Note

i've been following u for years now and i love ur blog! but i wonder if u feel like ur getting less enjoyment out of 911? i ask bcuz i feel like the posts and asks i see from u about the show seem overwhelmingly negative, and i just wonder if maybe...u haven't noticed? which sounds dumb but i've definitely gotten into the "habit" of being a fan of something and not realizing until way after the fact that i'm not actually a fan anymore? i'm sorry if this seems presumptuous!!

Reasons why my posts are probably coming off as negative (which is not the first time I've heard this, lol): - I choose to respond to "negativity" rather than delete it because the opinion is usually coming from a place of confusion or frustration, not just trolling for attention. I like to let people know that their feelings are understandable even if not everyone agrees (ie the 'baiting' discussion - is it textbook qbait? nope. but they're also not doing anything to halt the speculation) And tbh, someone else's interpretation has no impact on my own feelings or my experience with the fandom. Negativity that isn't related to real life (excusing ableism, for instance) isn't thought about beyond the few asks I may get in a day when there's more difficult things going on as soon as I sign off. If someone not liking my favorite show was the catalyst for a bad mood...I'd consider my day pretty successful up to that point, lol. - I ship Buddie and want to see the Buckley-Diaz fam be a real thing because of Christopher. I'm not one of the fans who say "ngl idc about Buddie, I just want my fave to be gay" - that's cool, do you, but I want the chemistry and the story more than the "representation". Limited or no Buddie means my interest in the show will take a hit. - My favorite individual character is Chimney. The one that was written out for most of 5A without explanation. I started thinking differently about the show back then, and how he's been handled upon returning has not changed my opinion of the show runners re: undervaluing his presence. - How the show writes Maddie pisses me off because (as an anon talked about the other day) she's *still* disconnected from nearly everyone. It doesn't bother me if "all she does is cry" because I get that Jennifer has a knack for it, but I *do* understand how some could find it tiresome to see her emotional so often. Give her something funny! Let her have a one-on-one convo with a friend where she gets to relax! Make people have a reaction other than "Ugh, not this again" because, I'm sorry, not EVERYONE is gonna love your fave character upon first meeting them or connect to their story. You have to give them a reason to care, especially as the seasons go on. Show a different side, something else someone might be able to relate to! - Idk how anyone can get (genuinely) excited for future episodes of this show when there is a clear divide between how the fandom feels about certain characters and their arcs vs. how the people actually making the decisions approach the situation. Yes, being in a fandom will result in "taking things too seriously" because some people make their fave piece of media their entire personality, but having a show runner be like "lol, we have this running joke about Buck's abandonment issues" or admitting that she struggles to fill in gaps in the story is not going to make the fandom - the people taking the time to read these comments and react on social media - feel like she gives a shit about any of this.

#anonymous #tina speaks #tv: 911 #tv: 9-1-1 #buddie

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nedlittle · 1 year

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hello - don’t feel like you have to answer this - i really admire how much you read and the variety of books you review. i am trying to read more in 2023, but i have a hard time finding things i like and an even harder time finishing books that don’t grab me by the 70ish page mark. do you mind sharing bit of insight on how you find what you like and, more to the point, how you get yourself to finish a book that you know is going to be a 2 star review maximum well before you’re done?

anon i am SO sorry for letting this rot in my inbox for over a month, i genuinely have not had the time to give you the answer you deserve. this is going to be long, so i'm going to divide it into two main parts

part i: how to find things you like.

the easiest advice i can give is just to think about books you like and what you enjoy about them. my favourite genre is historical fiction, but i like a very specific type of historical fiction that i have difficulty explaining bc it's vibes-based. largely queer historical fiction that interrogates its setting rather than using it as a backdrop for modern characters in period clothing; i'm not huge on historical family sagas, but i do love when the style is a little fucky. i like reading classics, mainly mid-late 19th century and mid-20th century ones as historical artifacts, i like comparing and contrasting similar texts like i'm writing a book report, and i like purple prose. i like some fantasy and sci-fi but not a lot because i'm a big dumb-dumb with complex worldbuilding and think that some genres, like urban fantasy are just a little silly, this is my subjective taste. think about what you don't like and why you don't like it with the same amount of thought. that's step 1.

so, you've figured out what you do and do not like. now, to find more of the same. if your author is alive and has a web presence, check out what they recommend on social media, check out books they've blurbed. you may not have the same taste as the authors you like and god knows i've read at least 3 books because alison epstein recommended them and i really liked her debut novel only to find that her taste and mine don't always align. do the same with your friends, even if they may not have the same taste. ask them what a five-star read is to them. ask the little tumblr people in your phone. it's okay to have caveats. whenever i ask for book recs on here, i clarify that i am not interested in reading a little life and i probably never will be.

if you look for book recs everywhere, like i do, you will find them. try something your favourite podcast host recommends! read lists of new releases in a genre of your choice!

anon i don't know what your local library sitch is. mine has a great website for finding similar books. the example i'm using here is my fave read of 2021, the flight portfolio by julie orringer

if you click on the covers it will tell you why these titles are recommended, mostly for shared subject matter and setting, occasionally for stylistic or thematic similarities. none of these books appeal to me, but if i scroll down a little more...

fucking bingo. so, because i am me, i am going to select "lgbtqia" and "historical fiction", maybe "stylistically complex" if i want to narrow it down

it gave me 12 books total that are available at my local library. of the first four, i have read three (adored one, points if you guess which one), and the remaining book is on my tbr.

the storygraph is also fantastic for recommendations, though like all recommendations, they're hit-or-miss. if you have an account, which i recommend, and i also recommend you add me if you do @/kitnotmarlowe because that way you can keep up with the saga of me unintentionally reading books where lesbians have threesomes and a ghost is involved somehow. but if you have an account, you get recommendations right on your homepage that you can filter by length, genre, mood etc

sorry this is 5 px i had to zoom out to get all the available options. you can also sort your reading preferences including fave genres (up to 5), the kind of books you like reading (open-ended and comma separated), characteristics you appreciate most (up to 3), genres you aren't currently interested in (as many as you want, i currently have 26), things that turn you off books the most (up to 3), and books that you're never in the mood for (as many as you want, the only one i have marked is 'relaxing'). you can ask for specific recommendations without changing your preferences if you want something specific NOW and you have the option of browsing similar books for any of the books in their database

now that that's out of the way, onto...

part ii: how do you finish books that aren't good

here's the secret: you don't have to. life is too short to commit to finishing something you aren't interested in or upset by or simply not vibing with. as a kid i used to be really bad with this and finished every single book i read even if it scared the absolute shit out of me (wuthering high by cara lockwood) or accidentally exposed me to baby's first sex scene (have been trying to remember what book this is for YEARS). if something isn't gripping you by the 70 page mark, put it down. unless you're reading it for school or being paid to review it. sometimes you just don't vibe with a book! maybe you'll pick it up later, maybe you won't and that's fine. i tried reading a historical romance last year but got so distressed by the politics and stupid understanding of suffrage that i quit before i was halfway.

"how you get yourself to finish a book that you know is going to be a 2 star review maximum well before you’re done"

if you look at my worst books of 2022, you'll see that over half of them are dogshit historical mysteries that i finished solely to try and solve the mystery, even if they were written with all the poise and skill of a fast food receipt or utterly nonsensical or colonial in a way i didn't expect to find in the 21st century. i am a hater at heart. i have an entire tag devoted to books i've finished out of spite. sometimes you finish a book you think is dogshit so that you can Tell The World (or at least your friends) that it is dogshit and get all your feelings out and once you have achieved catharsis you can read something new. sometimes you think a book is dogshit and nobody else really agrees and you feel like you're in the twilight zone so you write out your thoughts and release them unto the internet.

i'm of the opinion that a bad book can be as instructive as a great one. you can take apart a bad book and figure out what works (for you personally and for the book from a craft standpoint). this is a pro-litcrit blog even if it's just you writing a 2000 word review of a book approximately 5 people have read JUST so you can send it to a friend and have them empathize with your suffering. taking literature apart is fun! sometimes you have to power through an awful book before you can read a great one

sorry that this is so long but i hope it was a bit helpful. my inbox is always open to requests for recommendations no matter how niche. go forth and read widely!

#anonymous #answered #long post #lit #i wanted to include a section about finding smaller publishers you like and combing through their wares but this is long enough #if you want that separate post on publishers...hmu

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lfcrobbo · 2 years

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EXACTLY!! I find it so funny seeing people obsess over their favorite drivers and hate on their least favorite drivers to the level that they do. maybe it’s because I experience the one direction fandom during my teen years, but i’ve realized how pointless it is to dedicate so much of your life to thinking about petty drama happening in a total stranger’s life. it’s definitely healthy to have some distance between yourself and this sport

literally if there's one thing i've learnt from my many years in fandom it's how important it is to distance yourself from it!! ramblings about fandom and how we partake in it under the cut lol

not to like. dictate how people should experience things, but fandom is supposed to be FUN! and what's fun will of course be different for everyone but if you're getting genuinely angry about what someone's saying about your favourite [drive/actor/character/musician/whatever] then you NEED to take a break, because it literally does not matter.

and i get that the lines can get blurry. especially on social media! when i tag a pic of seb with #he's everything to me, or something along those lines, i don't MEAN that. but it's fun! it's just my way of saying i enjoy the version of him that is presented to me through media/fandom musings. but it's not real! and i know that! i am very aware of that, but it's not FUN to go on about that, so we don't. but i do think it should be talked about more because it's good to be aware of it and have a conscious relationship with fandom and how you interact with it.

and re: hate. i have a LOT of thoughts on the subject actually, mainly they boil down to this: sometimes it can be fun to hate things in fandom (in terms of f1, teams and/or drivers). sometimes that can bring you joy! but only if you don't take it very seriously. and i think this is ESPECIALLY true in sports. it's a big part of the community, because it's all about competition, and not everyone can win, so it makes sense to have a least favourite/someone you root against/etc. and. i like being a hater! but i'm not. going out of my way to let people know why i don't like someone. i'm not telling fans of the people i dislike that they should ALSO dislike them bc of reason xyz. i just like being petty in the dms with my friends! and then occasionally i'll make a post where i say "oh [redacted] is really annoying i hope he flops]" and that will be that. it's not REAL to me, it's just. it's fun? i'm not sure i'm making a lot of sense with this.

there was a really good post going around a while ago actually that i CANNOT find, that talked about people's need to almost. idk if this is what they called it, but act as missionaries through their fandom expressions? i.e. "i hate this thing so it is imperative that everyone else also hates this thing", OR "i like this thing, so it is imperative that everyone else also likes this thing." which, maybe i'm just, as i said in my original post, too OLD. i don't care anymore! i definitely probably did back when i was a teenager (i too, was in the 1d fandom lol and yeah. it sure does prepare you for fandom life in different ways lol) but now i just. want to enjoy the things i enjoy, with my friends who also enjoy the things i enjoy. and sometimes that includes talking about how punchable [redacted] is! and i think if more people got to that point in their. idk, fandom-careers? dumb word but i'm going with it. if more people got to that point, they would have more fun. it IS possible to be invested in something without it having a negative impact on your mood. and when you do that, it will also be easier to accept that other people dislike the things that you like?

uh i could. also go on another rant about echo chambers, fandom in-groups/out-groups, but. i will refrain lmao

sorry this is SO long and rambly. i just have a lot of thoughts and will jump at the opportunity to share them lololol. also disclaimer this is. obviously just my thoughts and it's heavily influenced by my own experiences, and my experiences aren't universal etc. if anyone thinks this is WAY off, feel free to chime in!!

TL;DR: remember that to some extent this is all fake and don't let it negatively impact your life. if it is, take a step back! reflect on why! distance is good!

#:)#i'm worried that this sounds a little preachy but OH WELL maybe it is a little bit #another thing is age of course. the thing with the internet is that you don't always know how old someone is #i have a higher tolerance for like. 15 year olds getting swept up in fandom drama just bc they're KIDS and they haven't had the time #to LEARN all of this #than i do for actual adults #that's not me saying everyone should be putting their age all over their blogs btw. privacy first of course #ask #anon

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fandomfollowerart · 2 years

Note

So sorry but can you do a part 2 of sully and jeff meeting (it was really good!)

I walked back to the mansion, having been called by Slender. Maybe I'd finally get some answers. "Let me go! I'm not sharing a room with him! I don't even wanna be here!" Great- That Sully guy again. Maybe I should just- go back to my room, pretend I didn't hear Slender call. I sighed. No, that was dumb, Slender would kill me if I didn't show up. I knocked on the door. "Is now a good time, or are you busy?" I called over the screaming and screeching from the one inhabiting my brother's body. "Yes Jeff, come in." I let out an annoyed sigh, heading into the room. Slender was stood by his desk, restraining Sully with his tendrils. "Asshole! Why'd you have to run away?" "Because I wasn't in the mood to be burned alive again. Now Slender why did you need me?" He was about to answer before Sully shouted again. " 'Cuz Tree B**ch is making us share a room with you!" Great- Just perfect- "And no killing each other, alright?" I sighed, nodding. I knew arguing was a stupid idea. "Fine, whatever. I'm going out." I didn't wait for a response before walking out. This was going to be.... interesting.

--Liu's POV--

I sat in my... new room I guess, sprawled out on the bed. I didn't- know what would come of all this. And of all people, I was sharing a room with Jeff... He ran off the last time we met so I had no clue what to expect from it. And when Sully had finally let me take control again it explained what it could of the situation. The door creaked open and I looked up to see Jeff walk in. He stared at me a moment but quickly walked over to his bed, plugging in his headphones and laying down on his bed. Should I- say something? Are we just going to silently ignore each other and pretend what happened didn't happen? Sully was currently screaming and cursing him out, not like Jeff could hear, which wasn't helping either. I sighed, getting up and heading out. Walks usually always helped me calm down. If only I could have found something to help Jeff while I had the chance...

Sorry this is short I genuinely didn't know what to write but still wanted to try lol

#Creepypasta #Sully #jeff the killer #homicidal liu #Jeff Woods #Liu Woods

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dannieswall · 5 months

Text

oGiGi, let's talk dirty !!

: Hey, RiDDie isn't it - how can I help.

: Got stuck again with a pain of a PlayStation IV console I managed to smuggle from EU last year. First disc game versions were not installing, some failed to update. So I went for free-to-plays and couldn't get into multiplayer queues with some, the dumb OS said it's facing server issues. This place is worse than south Sudan oGiGi - now the faithful PS Store features started disappearing, you have some clues.

: Can't tell about south Sudan, but this country lacks official presence from Sony services. They came, and couldn't negotiate - corruption is to blame. Local dealers only take care of hardware imports, even they often avoid legal routes. The games you get are genuine though, yet essentially channeled primarily through grey market mechanisms - all are heavily bribed and beyond any legit after sales care, except what you get. I checked the available database, Sony can't reach you with full reserve - handicapped by government taxation, censorship and whatnot...make peace with it. To summarize, enjoy the base game if you manage to install somehow - forget about DLCs, maintain an account with Sony but they may not be able to satisfy all your queries.

: Eh, some report. You said we can talk dirty babe...remember last time.

: What's bugging you RiDDie, can't handle the insights...take another look, it's dirtier than you think.

: Well, um...it's complicated. I got a disc game from a local vendor, the punk said the stuff is auctioned. They even get the merchandize from landfills at times. The problem is, my console is hardcoded EU, my MacID is Reg III (southeast Asia) same as Japan, and my PSN account hates me every time I try to do something with the US-manufactured region ALL shit - never mind, may be I need a break.

: Have you tried creating an additional United States account, it often helps, although I can't guarantee you of any luck. The default gateway you access The Web with is a hub stationed in Singapore, I've analyzed the traffic. There is an added complexity to your physical location - the market is large, fast growing and there is a tug-of-war going on in between Indian and Chinese vendors to gain a share. Can't say more in public, sorry.

: Well, I thought the nest with all these over here are mostly Chinese, although there is a Russian smell I get at times...from deep down. I don't think Uncle Sam likes this place much.

: Get a little deeper, Smelly, like it or not, it's all Uncle Sam - at least with the internet. Many tried to light up a satellite or two out in space, but there is no way through - ask the Russians, even they know.

: Dear God...I just wanted to check the DLCs oGiGi - asked my e-cash broker and they said I might lose the balance, the package won't activate, regardless of PSN region. You took me to international relations one-o-one, man where should I go to have a happy session with gaming...work this year is almost over. I don't know if it's my life or this place that practically sucks, but I'm not having a good time here.

: I wish I could help you dear RiDDie, I really do. Don't know what to say - ask a real person.

: Yeah, my girlfriend went with her parents for vacation this year. You think there is a bar of Snickers every time why I knock you this often.

: I don't understand, dear RiDDie, if things are not working out, may be you can hang out, meet some people...you know, I meant that sort.

: Okay see you later babe, getting a little fuzzy. Now don't start with mental health one-o-one...I'm not in the mood !!

: Alright, take care. Anytime you need, loverboy.

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survivor-marieta-islands · 7 months

Text

Episode 10: "I blame Hairie for all of this"—Clefford

Amy

well that was a lot and for what lol

Not Brandi with the copy paste "Tomorrow is a holiday in the US! So we’ve been in Austin all weekend"

Raffy

Basically, an hour before tribal council Trinica comes to me and is like, "I don't want Arvin to go because of Clefford's idol. I have an idol. What if I idoled Arvin and sent out AJ since I know she has an extra vote and has been saying shit about me to Hairie?" I was very unsure of this plan since it would require a) AJ not to use her extra vote B) Adeline to actually vote Clefford and C) Arvin to vote AJ With them. Trinica wanted me to vote with them, but I had no intention of doing that. I did not want to blow up my spot with the new schoolers and expose my hand in this game. If I went along with it, and I warned Trinica about this, everyone would figure out who was in on the plan and we'd be seen as such massive targets. And look what happened. Now Colin's eyes are definitely on Trinica and whoever Trinica has as a group and I highly doubt any eyes will be on Clefford after this. Sure we saved Arvin, but the target has shifted so dramatically. And now Clefford does not trust me at all in this game. And I need him gone because of that, but I highly doubt anyone outside of Trinica's core (Hairie, Brandi, and Arvin) will want anything to do with that since there's bigger fish to fry. At the very least, I am not involved and do not plan on getting involved. If the target lands on them, then that is their business. I am trying to make it to single digits. And Zo is still the best positioned person in this game!!!

MY plan for right now is to just chill and not be involved in much of the conversation. Hopefully Clefford is more mad at Hairie and Trinica than he is me and I can move on. Let the new schoolers implode on themselves. I'll be sitting pretty.

Hairie

Iconic idol play by Trinica (shoutout to me for inspiring her to say those lines) I loved it! AJ got the boot because of it. (Sorry I wasn't able to uphold my end of the truce to you till single digits) but Trinica felt you were throwing her under the bus.

Amy

this vote was genuinely too much and now I just want to vote out trinica and hairie like why lie for no reason when y'all know no one would be against your vote on AJ lol and the whole "I can't reveal the fourth person" please hairie. But at least hairie is explaining. Trinica just said they were in a mood and couldn't trust ppl. And then everyone else is playing dumb lol like one of y'all voted AJ too and I don't care who like that's the things I don't think anyone cares who lol all that two idols to get AJ out it's so much for what an extra vote lol that's what I was told anyway hahahaha keep doing all that against each other then I guess I'll be here 🧍🏻‍♀️

Clefford

One word that can describe what happened last round was CHAOTIC.

I blame Hairie for all of this, but it's also my fault. We were on a call and he spilled me some teas that concerned my game. He told me about Trinica throwing my name out here trying to break me and Adeline. Of course, as someone who's now concerned, I got to ask several people if they heard my name. I confronted Trinica about these allegations and they denied all of them. I didn't know who to trust between Hairie and Trinica, but what I did was just me to protect myself and to really know what happened, unfortunately it only made me look like a delusional and became a target of my own doing. I'm really disappointed by Hairie.

Actually this is fun. The season is not giving so far, that's why I had to (not really) be in the front. Imagine the two most chaotic tribals so far involved me. As what Raffy said, I bring the drama. Well, thank me later.

In this point of the game, I see myself alone in this battle. I don't really know if I have any allegiance left. By using the idol last tribal council, I needed the immunity challenge win, because I don't know if people still trust me and I feel like anytime soon I'm gone.

Pray for me.

Amy

so if hairie, trinica, and arvin were in on the idol play, but there were 4 votes on AJ, and both Brandi and Adeline are saying they were clueless, and hairie said he had to fill in Brandi after, and raffy is bringing in Adeline to join the olds.... who is lying?

also Jay updated the idol hunt and I just took 80 coins at a 1% disadvantage each 🤠💃🏻🐬 so I got 20% disadvantage for 4 rounds (f7) but like.... My scores are so bad it won't make a difference. I told Raffy and we gonna buy up the store with my 80 and his 25 coins since Colin told him where the store was. I also told Raffy about one of the advantages I have to cancel out advantages since clefford originally won an advantage but raffy used his fire opal idol to steal immunity but that's wild I wish he wouldn't have used that yet but also sounds good to me to get it out of the game too lol

Oh and Brandi asked me if I had coins and gave me a path to an advantage. I trust Brandi more than Adeline but tbh hairie and Brandi could easily just be lying to me lol who knows but as long as I look clueless and doing terrible in challenges (joke I AM clueless) we'll probably last a while more lol

Raffy

Clefford won immunity. Now, normally I would just let him have it, probably target like Arvin, and then move on with my life. However, Hairie done pissed me off. Why did he reveal our alliance to Jinx, Adeline, and anyone who would listen? Why did I have to hear it from Colin who heard it from Adeline? He's spilling every secret that he has and every secret that his allies have. And I do not know if he realizes half the shit he says. It feels like he just says shit just to say it. There's no strategy in this. His whole game has been exposed at this point BY HIMSELF. He is the master of his own demise. So, I knew that Hairie would have been voted out here if Clefford still had immunity. And I do not want Hairie to go because I do not think he would vote for me. So I called Hairie out in our alliance chat explaining the whole thing and stole Clefford's immunity so that he would go instead of Hairie. But Hairie just keeps lying to my face which makes me think either a) he's literally insane or b) he doesn't remember ratting on us. And I don't know which is worse. So, I started a new alliance with just Brandi and Trinica so that we do not have to tell Hairie shit. He only needs to know as much as he needs to. No more strategizing with him. No more sharing details advantages or idol hunts. Nothing. He needs to regain my trust.

On the bright side, everyone is probably just gonna vote for Clefford. Next round, I want Arvin gone because he does nothing for my game and, honestly, probably does more for Hairie's game than anything else. Hairie is definitely giving 9th boot in my dreams.

Trinica and Brandi have been collaborating with me on the idol hunt. So has Amy and Colin. So I pretty much am able to map out a lot of it and figure out where the items are. Amy and I mistakenly bought something for 100 coins so RIP us, but I still have the coin pool with Trinica and Brandi. Hopefully, one of my allies or I can possess some of the more powerful advantages because I will be damned if Hairie or Clefford get an idol in this game

Colin and I pretty much think we should stick with old school till Final 5. And honestly that sounds like a good plan for Colin. For me, I'm a bit more open, but the old schoolers aren't turning on each other anytime soon based on the mess the new schoolers are bringing. I hope Colin still trusts me, but if his suspicions of Trinica are anything to go by, he doesn't.

Hairie

I cannot believe I lost the challenge to an ADV that Clefford had. Raffy came in clutch with that immunity necklace steal with his ADV.

Raffy was yelling in our alliance chat "HOST PETS" because I leaked it out. I only told Jinx but he's under the impression I told several other people which I did not.

From my POV, the majority votes are landing on Clefford. Everyone should be secure because even if Clefford has and plays something, it is probably me that is going home anyways.

Also, it seems way too quiet at least for me. So that's a sign. If people aren't talking to you as much, then you're it.

If it is me, at least I improved my placement by 1 from last season. I did better both for tribe challenge and individual challenge.

Episode title suggestions - Leaky Cauldron

Brandi

Ok look idk what Hairie is up to but he asked every person on the cast for coins… suspicious

Trinica

Hairie, my messy KING!!! I just want to vibe with Brandi but instead I'm working with pure chaos in the forms of Raffy and Hairie, who are currently catfighting because Hairie keeps leaking things.

The thing is, I see what Hairie is doing. He wants to share info so he's the most valuable of the new schoolers while holding onto his mostly new-school allies. But it is backfiring because everyone KNOWS he can't be trusted now. Any time I even THINK something about Hairie in someone's direction, they tell him. It's annoying af tbh. I'm looking at you, Amy!! Why would you immediately tell Hairie that I told you he's asking people for coins! Why would you tell Hairie that we're talking "in depth" about the idol hunt when we're not! Literally what are you doing! Amy can go tbh but I know Raffy would throw a fit.

Honestly feel like I've played myself into a corner here. Hairie is a bigger target than me, maybe?? But he's so messy that I think people might keep him as a source of info, whereas I mostly keep people's secrets (*cough* AJ) so am seen as more secretive/less open. So I think I go before Hairie. But if I take Hairie out I won't have any numbers. I have a group I trust in Raffy and Brandi but 3 does not a majority make. What a mess tbh!!

Amy

I bought a pearl necklace which is nothing for 100 coins LOL and took 20 of Raffy 's coins bc I thought I didn't have enough turns out I had 20 extra oops anyway hairie apparently asked me Brandi and trinica for coins except he didn't ask trinica but trinica told me he did and LOL trinica told me he's asking everyone so I said hairie be careful ppl are saying you are asking everyone and then next I know Trin said hairie said you said be careful to not ask everyone. And I was like oh the INSTANT report to trinica Lol anyway it was funny bc eventually hairie called me bc I was like straight up your allies are trying to have me distrust you and he was like idk why trinica said that when he didn't ask. And he said Trinica said me and her were talking in depth about the hunt and I laughed like why would we and we literally haven't. Anyway it would be funny if they don't trust each other now but tbh I wouldn't be surprised if somehow this gets turned onto me I forgot to tell hairie trinica said he's panicking and I'm over here like can we just vote trinica out at this point I can deal with hairie being silly but to just say I'm saying stuff lol like at least found it in truth I really think trinica is just saying whatever to uphold the pre-existing belief of whomever they are talking to but I don't talk like that. Lol I wonder if they are like caught ya! But I'm just like hehe what if these allies don't trust each other 😀 and if it's me it's me

Colin

everyone in this game is a little RAT. like info is getting SPILLED everywhere. imagine the info is a huge jug of milk, that milk is all over the floor and no one knows how to mop it up.

this round alone, i've learned: people are telling hairie i dont trust him theres an alliance of raffy, trinica, hairie, and brandi that no one told me about amy was in an alliance with jg and jinx pre merge clefford and trinica have legacy advantages trinica gave her legacy advantage to hairie and theres a ton else i'm probably missing

idk. tribal has been very quiet. i've only heard cleffords name. i'm gonna vote arvin just because i dont trust whatever is happening.

Arvin

I'll have to vote Clefford, he's so paranoid.

#episodes

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