#I'll try to expand on this at a time where my brain is working better & I can explain a little better
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I've talked a fair amount about how byan has been bullied and hurt by teachers in the past (& how they'd hit their limit and seek drastic revenge, in some cases), but I've never really talked much about how byan has also bullied and outright tormented teachers for themself... like yeah, it's definitely because they don't trust teachers or authority figures in general due to their past experiences, but that doesn't mean that their 9th grade math teacher deserved to feel afraid for his own safety or that their 10th grade biology teacher should have been so stressed that she retired early. byan has been done dirty by a lot of people in their life but they've also been a genuine menace to others who gave them no real reason to be, and they have taken enjoyment in it in a lot of cases.
#byan has a complicated & difficult relationship with teachers & school staff as a whole#and tends to view them as 'deserving' of whatever torment they choose to cause#bc even if this person hasn't done anything too bad against THEM... they probably have to someone else#very like. black and white thinking when it comes to authority figures as a whole bc of their history with some of them#they anticipate that anyone in that sort of position will abuse their power at some point or another ig?#and in a way... I think them being the bully is them showing that they aren't the prime target for that sort of thing anymore#subconsciously ofc. and obvs that doesn't make it right it's still super fucked up#but byan is Not well known for coping well with their trauma lbr#I'm losing my train if thought... everything is scattered & I'm sure this is disjointed to some level but#I hope the basic point/idea/whatever is coming through#byan is not always the victim... they cause a lot of actual problems... they can & have hurt people who didn't deserve it... that's the gist#I'll try to expand on this at a time where my brain is working better & I can explain a little better#just needed to get the thought out there lmaoahfksg#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don’t @ me.
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Hi, I love your writing! Are you still taking requests? What about a villain finding out his fav hero is actually an robot?
The hero went missing briefly and in their reunion his systems start to panic, the villain attempt to help? And finds out there is grey metal under his mask? Not skin?
"Oh," the villain said, soft. "Oh, I see."
"See what?" The hero stayed turned away, head bowed, frantically trying to shield his face. "Don't look at me. Just - what are you doing here?"
"I came to rescue you."
"R-rescue me?"
The villain stepped closer into the hero's cell. Heat radiated off the hero's back and, well. The villain pressed a finger to the back of the hero's neck; where the skin had burnt away, revealing the cold grey of metal and circuitry.
The hero gasped and whirled.
His face was - well, it was fried from the few short days he'd spent missing, captured. Where his enemies had tried to bruise him, bleed him, there were caved in spaces that revealed yet more metal. The hint of a perfect silver skull. Veins which throbbed with electricity instead of blood. Even one of the hero's eyes were gone, replaced by the startling blue of a machine staring back. Well, they were always blue but...so muffled, before, compared to what the villain looked at then.
The two of them stared at each other.
"You can't tell anyone," the hero said.
"I always thought you were too impossibly good to be true," the villain replied. "Too flawless."
"Don't," the hero whispered.
The villain took the hero's jaw, carefully, tenderly, in their hands. "Look what a mess they've made of you. I'll kill them for it."
The hero closed the one eye that he could. He trembled, so exquisitely life-like, so exquisitely alive, in the villain's palms.
"They must have been so angry when they found out what you were," the villain said. He let his finger stroke over the ruined curve of the hero's cheek. "I'm glad I got here before they destroyed you completely."
"Why? What are you going to do with me?"
The hero took a step back.
The villain let him go, for now, studying him with fresh eyes. More and more puzzle pieces clicked into place. "Do with you?"
"I'm not human."
"You're beautiful."
"I'm not - if people know -"
"I've never heard you talk like that before. System overload?"
The hero shook his head. Something sparked. "You're d-dodging the question."
"Well," the villain said, evenly. "I was going to take you out of here. Clean up your wounds at my place. That sort of thing. I could probably makeshift the kind of specialist support you currently need in my lab, but I imagine you have a much better set up at home. So I guess I'm taking you home. If that's okay with you."
"Home," the hero echoed. He stood frozen.
"Home."
"You're not mad? Mad? Mad?" The hero managed to jerk to a halt. He heaved a ragged, shuddering breath.
"No."
"I'm not human. You came to rescue a human. Human." The hero shoved a hand over his mouth. The tremors were more forceful than before.
If the villain touched him again, he would be fever hot, wouldn't he?
The villain shrugged.
"I don't understand," the hero said.
"Unsurprising. You're not running at full capacity right now, are you? So shall we pick this up again when you're out of here? And feeling a bit better? It would be tragic if I came all this way just for you to overheat in front of me."
The hero stared some more. The blue eye contracted and expanded, whirring noiselessly. The villain wished he knew what kind of diagnostics the hero was running. How it all worked. He wanted to know everything.
His brain, such as it was, must surely be the most gorgeous thing.
He'd always wanted to know how the hero ticked but this...oh, this. He held out a hand and smiled.
"It's a relief, actually," the villain said. "I'm not mad. Now. Let's get you back in your mask, shall we?"
By the time the repairs were done, it was impossible to tell. It was extraordinary. Giddying. A love letter to the best that people could be.
And the hero looked shattered by the truth of it.
#villains and heroes#heroes and villains#writing#story#ficlet#robot#android#writeblr#villains#heroes#robot hero
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Hi Pia
Your previous post regarding burnout really resonates with me as I'm currently struggling through a mountain's worth of uni assignments.
I hopeyou're being compassionate to yourself where you can. I know you rely on your writing for income but ould cutting down to working on only 2 or 3 fics instead be a viable solution?
Because longterm I don't think that even your insanely impressive skills can hold up to that kind of pressure.
Maybe if you cut back a little you'll be able to enjoy your hobbies again and rest a little more.
I know that I'm not the only reader that wants you to take care of yourself x
Hi anon,
Firstly, good luck with all those assignments! I do not miss the grind of uni when all the assignments suddenly seem due at the same time and it's like 'oh fuck' and it just...is truly exhausting. Remember to take a break after if you can!
I am trying to be compassionate where I can. Working on expanding my capacity / juice left in the tank is actually a big priority with both therapists this year, and it's something I'm actively chipping away at.
Unfortunately cutting down fics is not really something I can do because it would personally stress me out more to put a lot of things on hiatus like that. Underline the Red is already on hiatus, and The Nascent Diplomat on my end is finished, and I'll take a few months off after that before starting the next installment.
Ideally I will be finishing out some fics that will clear my calendar a bit more over time. For example, A Stain that Won't Dissolve won't last forever, and isn't going to be replaced by anything new (Palmarosa will likely slot into that space and I'll be able to work on it more). Underline the Black will be replaced by Underline the Red, and Blue and Gold will be replaced by Underline the Silver.
Eventually, ideally, I'll be working on a smaller and smaller load until I'm at about 2-4 projects (which is how I used to work). Also quite a few of my projects only update once a month or every few months, and that helps a lot. It's just that I have too many fics where I'm on a more regular schedule (Stain, Palm, Black) and normally I only have one or two fics that are on a more regular schedule, so yeah, I am looking forward to that slowing down!
But putting something on hiatus just makes me feel more burdened and overwhelmed than knowing I'm getting closer and closer to wrapping something up. It's just how my brain works! I am a finisher, and while that's really good for not abandoning projects (which is extremely rare for me and tends to only be very short projects or PWPs which I will turn away from), it's less good when I have too many projects lmao. I've gotten better at holding back (there's three fics I'm dying to write right now, which is an Efnisien/Kadek fic that I've already started but not posted anything of, Silver, and Red).
So yeah, I will be cutting back. I've already started. The Nascent Diplomat is no longer on my schedule, which means for the next 3 months while it's still posting, I don't have to write anything for it. That's lovely because I can still share in that world with no extra labour (it's edited and everything). Likewise, Stain and Black are both in their last act/s now. That's still a lot of chapters for both, but it feels good for me to know that both will likely be finished out this year.
But we are getting there! So yeah the view is to cut down on projects, but organically (by finishing out stories and not replacing every single one with new titles, only some of them) rather than forcefully via hiatuses. I mean obviously if I get too sick I will have to go on hiatus and I've done that before, but so far it's looking like I've written enough chapters ahead (most of May is written) that I can take about 2 weeks off from writing in April, and that will help a great deal as well. :)
Anyway, take care with your assignments too! I do not miss that part of uni at all
#asks and answers#personal#pia on writing#i have actually enjoyed stories where i only update once a month#like constellations and TND#as well as something more regular like Black#and something a bit different like Blue and Gold#a big problem - which is frankly a lovely problem to have - is that i'm so *excited* to work on all these stories truly#none of them bore me or disinterest me#even the ones i'm not working on right now#i'm so enthusiastic about all of them#i just need to get better at patience which my ADHD brain finds frustrating#but i am getting there!#just getting TND finished feels lovely#like bittersweet but also lovely#and it will continue to feel that way as i shave off at the schedule#to get back to something more human#i appreciate you anon - make sure you're taking care
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Currently on a Witchywool brain rot…. Hurggh I love em so much 😭❤️ How do you keep creating such interesting and unique dynamics to ships? Like, becoming obsessed with a bloodthirsty anthoropomorphic sheep and his star witch girlfriend playing god was NOT what I expected when I first played SnD, but here we are 💀
I have a few questions about them that I’d like to ask, if that’s alright!
1) We know that Stella came in from a shooting star… but where did she come from? What are her origins? I read in other posts that she was made out of concentrated stardust and that she came from an entire race of star people… is it alright if you can elaborate on that more?
2- Similarily, does Stella, Lambchop and the other characters have family or something? And if they do, are they going to be introduced sometime? Or will they just be unimportant NPCs?
3- If Stella and Lambchop ever enter a romantic relationship, how would everyone react? Especially Ruuuby; will she be upset at Stella, or will she accept it (after a lot of tears?)
4- Relating to the last question, how would they get together first? Would Stella develop romantic feelings and confess to Lambchop (probably in a VERY sweet and romantic gesture ❤️) or would it be something else that’ll bring them together?
5-What are their feelings about each other and the relationship in general? And what would their dynamic be like? Would it change much from their original friendship, or would it remain somewhat the same except with more physical affection?
6- What are their love languages for each other? (Gift Giving, Quality Time, etc…) As in, how would they show their love for each other?
7- And finally… what would their wedding be like? ;D
I am SO, SO SORRY if this is too much!!! 😥 It’s just that… well, I’d like to write a fanfic of these two someday… and since these two have less screen time together I am STRAVED for content about them, not blaming you, ofc!!! I absolutely love your work and it’s totally understandable that with the amount of time and effort you put into your games that it’s already amazing that you keep finding time to draw them together and create additional content for em! It’s just that I’d love to see more of these two and understand their characters better so that I can write them accurately, if that makes sense :D
So thank you for taking time to read my silly questions (and hopefully answer them if you’re not too busy) and I wish you a good day!! 😁
I'm so happy you like them!! Now you can brainrot with me!! ♡♡♡
I'll try to answer your questions to the best of my ability!!
Perhaps not at this instance but, time permitting, maybe I'll be able to expand it just a bit! I will say though that star people come in all genders and probably dress in similar ways to how Stella does! (So, like...lots of magical girl inspiration haha!)
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I haven't thought much about it! Stella for sure doesn't have parents--she was born from the stars! As for Lambchop and the others, it's a mystery!
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I think everyone would be a bit surprised, but happy for them! I answered once in another post that if Stella and Lambchop were to pursue a romantic relationship, Stella would try to set-up Ruuuby with somebody else to try and dampen the blow. If that didn't work, Stella would explain to Ruuuby very gently that she and Lambchop want to be together. Ruuuby would cry, upset that Lambchop doesn't like her, but would be happy for Stella because she loves Stella and wants her and Lambchop to be happy too!
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I'm hoping that perhaps I can explain this a bit somehow in some of the arts I make of them! I can't see it ramping up to the level of being a game (especially because I don't want to take away from the themes of the original--and I've got other stories I want to make too!) but I think it might be a mix of a confession and something else.
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If they were to officially get together I don't think it would change too much about their dynamic, but there would be a LOT of physical affection. Lambchop especially would be very clingy, always wrapped around Stella. Calling her things like "My Stella". They each have their own houses but I'm sure Lambchop would invite himself over to Stella's for a "sleepover" a lot, where they're forced to cuddle on her not-big-enough-for-2-people bed to fit (not that they're complaining)
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I feel as though their love languages are like a mix of gift-giving and quality time, in their weird twisted ways. Lambchop kills people so Stella will have something to fix. Stella fixes everything so Lambchop will have something to ruin again. They might not even fully realize they're doing it, but they do it!
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Oh their WEDDING? Well, I think it would be a happy one with all their friends, more or less! (Though probably with a lot of disagreements on how to go about it...) I think Stella also, being from the stars and all, might not be used to the concept of dating vs marriage so she might have to get herself accustomed to the idea. Also Lambchop wears a top hat, 100%
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I hope that satisfies! And thanks again for your kind words!! ♡
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Update: It's been a while!
Hey all. Been quite a bit since I've been active here; lot of life stuff going on that's contributed to that, but most of it's resolved now and I'm planning a pretty active return to the scene imminently. I've got some announcements on that front that I'll try to keep brief, but I think anyone who's enjoyed my content in the past will be happy to hear them.
First and foremost, I'm going to be returning to file-making soon (end of 2023 or early 2024) with regularly scheduled releases. (My precise schedule is TBD, but I'm aiming to be release either once weekly or once fortnightly depending on how much of a backlog I can create.) I've got ideas/concepts for 20 files written out atm which would amount to either 5 months of weekly releases/10 months of fortnightly releases once written and recorded. But obviously some of those ideas might not work so well in practice/I'll obviously come up with new ones along the way too, so that number's in flux. I'm going to try to write and record ten before launching any of them, so that I don't leave a huge gap between them again. But I think you guys'll like them, there's something for everyone in what I'm planning to make. There'll be content like what I've made before, but sfw and nsfw, attending a variety of kinks I'm into.
Included in these releases are going to be updated versions of my more popular, previous files. At the moment, the files I am planning to remake are Chill Out, Bro; Blink's Good Boy; All Pups are Good Pups; and The Bigger You Are. Some of these I want to remake for reasons of audio quality, but others I straight up want to rewrite portions of to bring them more up to my current standards. I've run out of space on Soundcloud and a premium account is expensive, so I'm racking my brain for a better storage alternative. At the moment, Soundgasm is an OK backup, but I'm also considering just straight up trying Youtube/Tumblr's own audio system/Patreon's audio system on a free basis to see if they work alright. Speaking of which...
To support this expanded venture, I'm also going to be opening a Patreon + selling specific, exclusive files either by subscription to said Patreon or via platforms like Gumroad and other appropriate audio file vendors. I don't plan for all my content to be locked behind a paywall, of course. I'm planning some kind of dual channel release system where I have a certain amount of files that will be free, and then others behind subscription. But for those who don't like the idea of monthly subs, I'll be putting my Patreon-exclusive files on a third party purchase platform like Gumroad, Ko-Fi, or another suitable alternative. I appreciate that all my files previously having been free will make this annoying to some, but I am flat baroque... and realistically, each file being 4-10 hours of work (dependent on complexity) means that I really want to be seeing SOME income from this if I'll be putting a lot of time in. That's why at current, the final announcement I'm making is that:
I am now taking commissions. I've done 3 commissions in total at this point and had been keeping quiet about it while I didn't know what I was doing with the Jockout account generally, but I am now available to write and record custom hypnosis files for listeners. I'm hesitant to provide a flat rate because the cost of a file usually does come down to its complexity/length, but somewhere in the ballpark of 50-80 dollars is what I'm currently valuing the time spent on a file at, unless you want something crazy simple or crazy complicated that'll price outside that range. I'm in a Euro territory, so 50 dollars amounts to about 4 hours of minimum wage work here, which is pretty low for the amount of time a good file takes; but I appreciate that high barriers to entry are going to put people off, and I feel that way myself when commissioning. You can DM me here if you want to discuss a commission idea.
All in all, I'm pretty excited with what I hope will be the future trajectory of my page. I'm having fun learning more about hypnosis/exploring new ideas in writing, and I hope you'll all enjoy the fruits of that too! 'Til next time :)
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Victory in Defeat
I had this idea in my head for a long time so in the midst of lack of any motivation for my ongoing stories I wrote it down :}
fWhip glanced at the other side of the holo sim. He had his battleship's movements put in and waited for his opponent to be done with his inputs. As he waited he thought back to how he ended here. On the icy home world of the elves. Sat opposite their king's younger brother and their best commander - at least in fWhip's opinion best commander he faced through the entire war. Scott S. Major. The supreme commander of Rivendell space fleet. How he wasn't the commander of the whole Cod Alliance's forces was beyond fWhip.
Not that the war was fWhip's issue anymore. Grimlands was defeated. fWhip married off to Scott of all people to keep the rest of WRA from retaliating. Basically a glorified hostage. It was alright so far. Aside from the rather awkward and stiff wedding feast. And almost tripping on his new husband's tail multiple times... Scott being a half-dragon was always a rather distracting fact. Mostly due to his fangs rivalling fWhip's own. Which he could not help but bear it as he was reliving his very first battle against Scott. "When did you realise I took over? And how?" the half-dragon asked, finally done with his inputs.
"Your manoeuvres are much tighter and faster, not to mention you like to send light ships against heavier ones," fWhip hummed, sipping his drink. Where did Scott even get blood for him? "And then you changed it the moment I was used to it, it was annoying," he added glancing at Scott. His eyes were not watching the sim but fWhip. "I'll explain my setup later," he said, guessing that was what others were curious about.
He must have been right because Scott seemed to re-focus on the battle. They went through a few rounds, speeding up the usually long space battle significantly. Most that happened were a few small, fast clashes of scout ships as they expanded their areas as their slower ships took their positions. fWhip had a good memory of this battle and liked to think he understood Scott's strategies fairly well. So he set some commands that had the elf's eyebrow raising. "Is there an issue," fWhip hummed, as he ran multiple ideas and calculations through his brain. This sim was really well-detailed.
"Not really," Scott hummed in return, leaning back in his chair. "Compliments to the designer of your cruisers, they're much more mobile than they look," he rambled, no doubt trying to distract fWhip. Luckily he wasn't in his usual uniform and seemed to keep his teeth not showing unless necessary.
"Thank you, I'm rather proud of them myself," fWhip grinned. He often missed the time when he didn't have to command any armies and could just toy with his ship designs. "You really should get comfier chairs, even our smallest scout ships had comfier ones," he huffed as another turn started.
"You don't mean you designed these..." Scott was in utter disbelief.
"I'm a noble and a vampire, I had plenty of free time before the war started to make my fleet exactly to my liking," fWhip grinned reclining as comfortably as rigid elven style and his wedding clothes allowed. He was not wearing a corset ever again unless completely necessary. "Oops, looks you're down a couple of frigates," he smiled, which seemed to shake Scott's shock off as he quickly moved his forces to compensate for the losses.
fWhip won that battle all those years back. And was planning to repeat it. Make it even better. So he chattered to Scott about the technicalities of his ship designs. It was all in elves' hands anyway now that Grimlands was conquered. fWhip could have some fun disclosing what kinds of comforts they managed to fit alongside what kinds of cannons and engines.
"Why weren't you commanding more major battles?" he asked a question that had been on his mind for a long time. They were slowly moving around the map for about an hour. For the moment Scott was holding the advantage.
"I was here to keep you from going to Sigma-Seven, Joel was busy taking that over at the time," Scott hummed. He seemed confident in his new strategy for countering fWhip.
"That was a shame, we could have at least doubled our fleets with that meteorite field," fWhip sighed, at least the feeling he had the whole war was right. For most of the war, Joel or Jimmy would command against him unless they were busy elsewhere. If they were then it was almost always Scott. If it were the other way the war would have been much more of a pain.
"I might have lost but I kept you occupied long enough, not that I'm losing it now," Scott shrugged and sent a surrender request.
fWhip just hummed as he refused and started his master plan. With a swift, deadly manoeuvre his light and fast frigates decimated the guards around Scott's warp station. "Well, if you're supposed to keep me here then let's stay here," he grinned as Scott frantically scrolled the sim logs.
Scott's backguard quickly chased fWhip's frigates away but the damage was done along with the first phase of fWhip's plan.
"Can we agree my getting out is the victory condition?" the vampire asked, sadly realising he was out of his drink. Looks like he'd have to really focus now.
"Not like I'm letting you go anywhere," Scott practically growled, his tail swishing dangerously. How amusing, fWhip thought as he carried on.
After dragging Scott around the battlefield for another twenty minutes fWhip pulled out his strategy. Five heavy grand cruisers and their accompanying guard that was under Gem's command, speeding to aid Sigma-Seven, warped through the ruined warp point. Scott didn't bother checking if it was really destroyed or just looked like it. With these forces, fWhip easily defeated Scott's remaining forces. The elf refused to surrender, hoping to keep fWhip stuck until the round limit they set was out.
He failed. fWhip was out with five turns to spare. "We should simulate Sigma-Seven next time, I'm curious how you'd handle that," fWhip hummed as Scott grumbled over the logs.
"How long were you planning to bring Gem's forces?" he asked, giving up on understanding it on his own.
"Since I saw how detailed the sim is, pretty impressive, but you need comfier chairs here," fWhip sighed as he stretched. He might be technically dead by many races standard but he was still a fan of comfort.
Scott just grumbled. His face was weirdly flushed. "You okay?" he asked, slightly worried he offended Scott.
"You're damn distracting, you know," the half-dragon growled as he approached and slowly crowded fWhip to a wall. "Really, really distracting, especially with how much you shifted in that chair."
"As I said, it's uncomfortable," fWhip shrugged. What was Scott doing? They didn't have to do anything a normal couple would. Their marriage was primarily political after all.
"I'll get you any chair you want," Scott growled, clearly annoyed his furniture choice was being questioned. "I know we don't have to... But I... ugh... I'm not used to saying it, but I really liked you since that first battle, I have no idea why. It started before I even saw you, it was easy to ignore, and then there was our first video call. And... ugh. You were so damn distracting on that garish chair of yours."
fWhip was quite honestly floored by the revelation. Seeing Scott for the first time certainly left an impression on him. Was it of the same kind? Potentially. Having Scott casually call him in the few sieges they faced off in certainly didn't help the feeling. There were nights where all he could think only of the way Scott said his name.
"We don't have to do anything but I need to ask... fWhip, will you have me as more than just a political husband?" he asked, face mere inches away from fWhip's. "Push me away and this will be it," he assured.
fWhip glanced at the battle sim. That was fun, yes. But what Scott was offering was even more fun. Potentially. "Your bed better be comfier than your chairs," he huffed before closing the distance.
Scott's bed was luckily for him quite comfy. Not as comfy as being carried around but comfy enough for fWhip to delay complaining.
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this is going to be a long post and I'm not sure anyone who follows me really watches severance let alone is interested in the neuroscientific basis of the show, but having been doing research on memory for almost 3 years now, severance is both horrifying and interesting to me and I have to get this out.
one classification of memory is episodic and semantic memory. episodic memory is the memory we use to remember individual events tied to a time and place. in the brain, a structure called the hippocampus controls it. semantic memory on the other hand, is the memory we use to recall skills, facts and concepts and it's controlled by our neocortex (basically the cerebral cortex, the outer shell of our brains).
the way I understand it, severance seems to work by tying the formation of episodic memories to a certain place (this is also evident by the site of implantation of the chip which is deep within the brain, not on the surface where the cortex is. it's not clearly shown that they were implanting it inside the hippocampus or around it, but from the images they showed, I think that's where it is placed) and creating a barrier to accessing older episodic memories that were formed before the severance procedure.
now, historically in medicine, we have seen cases of patients where they had damage to their hippocampi, or had them removed during some procedure or other, and in the process lost their ability to form episodic memory all together. these patients can't form new memories and/or remember past memories, but their skills that they acquired or do acquire later are intact, and the facts they know about the world are still there also. they just can't form new long term memories.
now, we're still way far from understanding exactly how the hippocampus stores episodic memories (we have some sort of understanding but it's a little complicated and it's certainly not complete so I'm not mentioning it here), so, no severance as a medical procedure is still pure sci-fi, but the idea of it is fascinating to me.
In my research, I work on something called chemobrain, which is a term coined by cancer patients who have had chemo where they reported experiencing concentration and memory problems afterwards. for years it was assumed that chemobrain was just psychological phenomena, but recent research discovered otherwise. it is actually a very real damage to the brain caused by chemotherapy, or certain types of it to be more accurate. now we call it chemotherapy induced cognitive impairment. anyway, it turns out that those types of chemotherapy actually damage areas in the hippocampus (among others in the brain) and causes damage to episodic memory.
these chemotherapies kill nerve cells and literally target synapses in the hippocampus making the connections between cells weaker. they hypothetically do what the severance procedure does.
according to research, chemobrain can last from months to years, but in a lot of cases it gradually gets better. in my work we're trying to find medications that can reverse this damage in a shorter period of time. so who knows maybe I'll find a medication that will help helly, mark, dylan and irv as well
it's just fascinating to me how we might take this damage and turn it to a switch we can flip whenever someone gets a certain type of stimuli (like entering a new space). it's just ugh i wish the show expanded on the scientific aspects they used.
#okay rant over#i wish i could write my thesis in tumblr posts format#lmao#severance#neuroscience#i have more thoughts on this too maybe i'll add them later#also this is very simplified so don't come at me with scientific corrections i get enough of that from my supervisor bye
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6, 11, 23 for the author asks?
6. Do you have your work beta'd? How important is this to your process?
Nope! Nobody betas for me in a formal sense. Sometimes if I've been staring at a chapter for too long, to the point that I hate it and can't figure out if there's a reason I hate it or if I've just been stuck on it for too long -- or if there is a sentence or paragraph where I feel in my gut that it might not flow correctly/make sense but can't figure out how -- I'll grab @the-commonplace-book & she's usually kind enough to read it/listen to me read it and give unbiased feedback!
11. Link your three favorite fics right now
The Ransom of the House of Fëanor by @eirianerisdar - favorite LOTR fic of all time, literally can't recommend it enough.
Thou Mayst Be False - @jaz-the-bard - Gondolin OT3 complete with jaz-typical levels of miscommunication and misunderstandings and Maeglin whump. So good. SO, so good.
Vincarna - not sure if the author is on tumblr! - but it's a MGME fic and surprisingly well written, and I must admit I'm a sucker for the trope when it's well written, so!
23. Best writing advice for other writers?
Read more than you write.
It's a fairly common piece of advice but I've found it to be indispensable. Whenever my writing feels really flat and isn't flowing, it's usually because I'm not reading enough. Reading is how we learn to write better. Literature is a language. The more you take in, the more fluent you will become. You have to read everything - good books, bad books, poetry, nonfiction, mythology -- everything everything everything. Keep a catalogue in your brain of which books worked for you and which books didn't. And a catalogue in your brain of books that did specific character archetypes, or plotlines, or scenes really well. Bookmark them, come back to them when you're trying to write a similar kind of character, scene, or plotline, and then dissect how they did it so you can replicate it in your own work. That's how you learn to improve. Literally, if you don't read enough, you won't get better. You can only improve so much by rote writing practice. Don't get me wrong, you can learn a lot simply by writing every day, but you'll be working from a limited supply of language and bookcraft that's in your brain. You have to continually expand and top off that well of information inside of you, or else you're going to start running into issues.
get to know your fanfic writer asks
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i hate conservative Christian parents so effing much.
Had a fight with my mom where I was a bit more, uh, cohesive this time. And oh my God, so much of it was her trying to find a happy ending or a solution or downplay stuff or try to get away. Because I stood my ground and it made her uncomfortable. Her having to face the reality of a disabled child that appears as if they would be functional. And I made that clear.
And the amount of times she had said "we're still playing catch up" yeah, makes sense she's still behind the times, she is super conservative and doesn't like change 🙄
But i made it clear that this is the reality. I don't think I'll ever be independent and I am fine with that. That these bullshit expectations of professionals and being "encouraged to socialize" will not work. And she brought up how she cares. If you care then listen to me and support me and see things from my perspective.
In the end, my goal is to move in with my gf or MA, live a good life with them, and other shit. You can grow up and actually change and expand your world view or you can stay behind.
Considering I doubt she will ever stop being conservative and hating gay and trans people and internalizing ableism and saying racist and xenophobic shit, yeah doubtful. Especially since my dad is way farther down the rabbit hole than her and has more control over her. She was more of a centrist when she met him apparently so uh, yeah, doubtful.
So yeah. Sorry you feel bad, but I'm not actually sorry because I stood my ground for needing accommodations and support and actually being listened to.
And this entire thing happened because she told me she'd talk to my brother about doing laundry elsewhere (since I live here, he doesn't) and she automatically ignored that the next time it happened, I got upset, she "forgot" why it was so important to me (you know literal ocd), and she refused to listen so i fully called her out. Cry. Because frankly I don't care.
When you've neglected me, abused me, ignored my needs since I was a child, always treated him with more respect than me, favoured him, yeah fuck you. I'm standing up for myself and actually calling you out instead of just ranting about you on social media with nothing being done. It is not my fault you're uncomfortable or feel bad. This is the reality. I do not have to mask and pretend and avoid to be able to cope. I should not have to have breakdowns in private to avoid problems because you won't listen to me when I ask something of you. You cannot say you care then do nothing because "you don't understand." I don't understand plenty of what I reblog, but I know it's important. I didn't fully understand the stuff for transfems/trans women that I reblogged once, but knew it might reach someone that it's important to and it did. I don't fully understand every post I reblog cause I'm bad at understanding words cause of how my brain works, but I understand it's important (and make sure to discern between problematic stuff and if I'm truly unsure if it's harmful or not then I don't reblog it.) You don't need to understand to support others. If you want to care about me, you're gonna have your world view challenged, mother. And you're gonna be held accountable.
Accept it and learn and change, or stay the same and lose me. Cause even if it hurts me, I have spent years preparing and mourning my loss of a childhood, of good parental relationships, all of it. You, I believe can change, but I will not stick around if you do not actively work to change. I know you are better than my father. You have a chance. But you're gonna be challenged, held accountable, and you're gonna feel uncomfortable. But that isn't bad. If you can get through a bad fight, you can get through the hard emotions. I sure as hell did when I ventured down the leftist path and undid the bs you taught me. I doubt you'll ever be a leftist, but you have to at least start to change. But if you won't then it is not my problem. I'm not keeping someone like you in my life whether it's for personal reasons or your harmful beliefs that impact me and others. I'm okay with that. And it's not my problem how it affects you.
Also not being able to say "I'm semiverbal" to my mom fucking sucks. Same with saying I'm disabled, traumatized, disordered, neurodivergent, etc. I hate it so much. Cause like if I could say I'm semiverbal and she could understand then I wouldn't be so stressed in conversations. Instead I have my words locked away cause I struggle to think and communicate thoughts and she keeps pushing. I cannot communicate. Let me be semispeaking. Let me be the way I am!!! Stop forcing me to be fully speaking and be able to perfectly convey my thoughts!!! My brain does not work like that!!! It is hard!!! Don't make me feel guilty for it!!!
#rant#proud of myself#standing up for myself#abusive mom#neglectful mom#childhood trauma#the problematic kind of religious person#homophobic mom#transphobic mom#abuse victim#neglected child#emotional neglect#toxic parents#actually narcissistic#narcissistic abuse isn't real#actually antisocial#disabled#disability#actually disabled#actually autistic#actually traumatized#actually borderline#actually histrionic#chronic pain#chronic fatigue#actually avoidant#actually paranoid#actually schizoid#ableism#I'm proud of how far I've come
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Langst where he feels like no one likes him (in reality they do) but he's super insecure and Keith cheers him up? Can be establish klance or platonic
Yes, of course <3
I kinda went down, Lance has depression route, since it’s easy for your brain to slip into this thought pattern
-----
His eyes dragged open, slowly adjusting to the dim room. The cracks in the grey ceiling stared back at him. He took a deep breath, letting his lung expand almost painfully. This was going to be a hard day.
He was no stranger to depression. Feeling hopeless or unwanted. He grew up feeling like this. No matter how hard his family loved him or what he accomplished this feeling sat in the back of his soul. Like a snake trying to catch its prey. Waiting to attack.
He pushed himself up, trying to ignore the ache in his bones. How did a pain that didn’t even exist on his skin hurt so deeply?
Getting ready for the day was a chore. He sat on his bed, a towel wrapped around him for over thirty minutes after his shower. That’s all he could muster. Getting properly dressed took almost another hour and once he was dressed he laid back down, almost out of breath.
How pathetic am I?
A knock sounded on his door, Shiro’s voice booming through the metal. “Lance? You doing okay?”
He squeezed his eyes shut, he wasn’t ready to be yelled at. Shiro had never yelled at him but what if this was the last straw? What if he had been late to breakfast and training so much that he was going to snap?
What if Shiro didn’t like him anymore? He released a quiet laugh as he pushed himself up. Did Shiro ever like him?
He forced a smile on his face. An expression he had mastered years ago. He pressed the button to the left, the door swishing open. “Morning Shiro.”
Shiro gave him a soft smile, “morning buddy. Are you feeling okay? You missed breakfast.”
Lance scanned his face a couple of times. Searching for anger. Looking for any crack in his façade that he wasn’t upset with him. That was simply pretending to be concerned.
“Lance?”
He blinked, forgetting he needed to respond. “Sorry. Yeah, I’m fine. Just overslept and you know I need to do my morning routine no matter what.”
Shiro laughed, “yeah I know. Training is in twenty though.” The older man turned and walked down the hallway, dipping into his own room.
Lance let his door close and pressed his forehead against the material. I just got dressed and now I need to do it again. Tears burned behind his eyes. It was going to be a long day.
---
"Great work today everyone," Shiro smiled at his team. "Hunk, good job taking down the bots before they hit Pidge or Keith."
Hunk rubbed the back of his head. "It's no problem..."
Lance unintendedly tuned him out. He didn't mean top but the cycle started to turn. Did he not do anything worth praising? He chewed on his inner cheek till the faint taste of blood moved over his tongue.
"Coming Lance?" Hunk patted his shoulder gently, wearing a bright grin.
"Uh...yeah." His body went into autopilot. Hunks' words fell on deaf ears as they headed back to their respective rooms. It took too much energy to focus on what his best friend was saying.
Bestfriend. Lance frowned. He wasn't Hunk's best friend anymore. Pidge was Hunks bestfriend. He was replaced when they came to space. When Hunk realized there were other people in the world that were better than Lance.
"So are you going to join?"
Lance blinked back into reality. "What?"
Hunk sent him a confused face. "The slumber party? That Pidge and I are hosting? Tonight? On the bridge?" He paused, his eyes scanning him up and down.
Lance felt his body tense, this was it. Hunk was going to tell him that he was a terrible friend. That he was the reason he found a better best friend. Someone that actually listened to him, unlike Lance.
Hunk raised his hand, placing the back of his hand on Lance's forehead. "No fever. Are you doing okay?"
Lance nodded, "yeah...I'll see you later."
"So you'll be there?"
Lance nodded, opening his door. "Wouldn't dream of missing it." He let the door close. His smile fell as soon as he was alone. I'm a terrible friend. They probably don't even want me to show up.
He sat on his bed, ignoring taking off his armor. He rubbed his eyes till he saw stars. He knew the team hated him. How couldn't they? He hated himself.
---
A familiar hand shook him awake. "Lance?" A soft whisper.
He pressed his face further into his pillow. "Go away."
The hand was pulled away from him, a weight pressing down next to him. "You missed dinner."
"I'm tired."
"...the sleepover is starting soon. Are you going to join?"
Lance opened his eyes, rolling his face off the pillow. "I don't know."
"Everyone will be there."
"I know." He closed his eyes.
"...I'm worried about you." The voice was hesitant. Coming out in a breathy whisper.
Lance blindly lifted his hand, somehow finding the other person's hand. "I'm okay. You know I'll always be okay."
Silence.
The hand gently squeezed his back. "I want to help."
"There isn't much help right now."
"I know...I just wanted to remind you that I love you."
Tears burned behind his eyelids and he fought the urge to scream. No, he didn't. How could he love someone like Lance? "Okay."
Keith's shoulders fell some and he stood from the bed. "Try to come join us later. Hunk baked some cookies."
"Okay." He waited for the footsteps to leave the room. The silence deafening. Tears slowly slipped past his eyelids. Creating a constant stream of choked sobs.
Why did he have to be locked in space with people who hated him?
---
"Lance! Finally joined us." Pidge smiled at him from where they sat on the couch. Blankets piled around them like a cocoon.
He tried to force a smile but he knew someone was bound to see through it. His mask was cracking. "Sorry, I really needed that nap." See, I knew they didn’t want me to come.
"No worries," Coran responded and their eyes fell back to the screen. Lance sat down between Keith and Hunk, his head resting on his boyfriend's shoulder.
Keith grabbed his hand, his thumb creating lazy circles on his skin. "You okay?" He whispered.
"Not really."
Keith leaned his head against Lance’s. “Can you talk to me about it?”
Lance looked around the room. Everyone, except Shiro, was watching the movie. The Black Paladin took favor of a quick nap then watching the film. No one was looking at them.
“There isn’t much to say,” Lance mumbled back. He didn’t want to annoy any more people with his stupid insecurity. This is why no one liked him. Keith was probably dating him as a joke. Or because he was convenient. The dating pool in space is pretty small.
Keith shifted so he could wrap his arm around Lance. Pulling their bodies as close together as he could. “Whatever your brain is telling you is wrong.” Even in a hushed tone, Keith’s voice held a serious note. A manner he only used when he didn’t want to argue.
Lance shrugged, “what if it’s right?”
Keith shook his head. “Unless it's telling you you are my favorite person in the world and a valuable member of the team it can shush.”
Lance chewed on his bottom lip. His mind beginning to get louder. Why was he always the butt of the joke? “Keith-”
His boyfriend pressed his lips against his. Slowly pulling back some. “What is your mind saying?”
Keith wasn’t a stranger to Lance’s mind. This wasn’t the first moment he had where he felt utterly worthless. Like he offered no true value to anyone. That the team wished he was gone. He stared at the hem of Keith's sleeve. Unable to say anything.
“Hey everyone,” Keith raised his voice.
“What’s up?” Pidge paused the movie. Everyone's attention turned toward the couple.
Shiro pushed himself up, pretending he wasn’t passed out.
“Cuddle pile?” Keith's cheeks were tinted red. Clearly uncomfortable with asking the team that.
Smiles broke out on everyone’s faces and after some shifting around the cuddle pile was formed. Lance was still pressed against Keith. Hunk taking his other side. Pidge and Shiro sat in front of him while Coran and Allura filled in between them. The space mice sat on his lap, immediately falling asleep.
Keith pressed his lips to his boyfriend's hairline. “We all love you. Don’t forget that,” he mumbled against his skin.
Lance closed his eyes, a small part of his mind believing Keith.
-----
The fact we didn’t get a team cuddle pile is criminal
I hope you liked it!
Thanks for reading <33333
#klance#langst#lance has depression :(#answer anon#long post#kats writing#my writing#lance vld#lance voltron legendary defender#lance mcclain#i hope you liked it!#posted on ao3
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chit-chattin about some books i've read (or reread) recently. not a review, and i'll refrain from big spoilers in case you happen to be interested in reading any, but just a general overview and some thoughts ( ᐛ )و
been making an effort to read more lately. that thing happened that comes with adulthood, you know, things take priority, life happens, as well as the SocMed's curse i'm sure we all share; books take time, and effort, and is competing with a skinner box. i've come up with a pretty good system, which is taking me e-reader somewhere nice, or at least into a different room, away from my desktop, but not getting too hung up if i do get distracted. i'll dig out my wireless headphones, put on an album or lofi, then throw my phone the maximum distance away before it disconnects. i make a point not to make time to do it every day, like a set hour, because i know how my brain works and if i feel like i 'have' to do it i'll resent it. it's somehow much easier for me to think, independently, 'oh yeah, i've got a book to read' every single day rather than planning to do it. this is a fool's system. i do not recommend structuring anything like this.
in no particular order;
negative space - b.r yeager: i really loved this! there are a lot of 'sad kids roam around on bikes with Horrors Occurring' books, but this is very contemporary and has a very specific sort of late 10s malaise. teenagers are committing suicide en masse in a dying suburban town, and all there is to do is drink, smoke and see who comes up next so you can take a picture and talk about it on a specially made gawking message board, and that's before the hallucinogen that lets you see into another reality. explains very little and that just makes it better, don't worry about things making sense the first time through. strongly recommend if you like your books to make you vomit
the thin man - dashiell hammett: nick and nora charles. need i say anything. is there a single thing i need to say. it's fucking dashiell hammett. it's dashiell hammett writing nick and nora charles. one trillion out of ten. nora. nora fucking charles is here.
archer in jeopardy (the zebra-striped hearse, the instant enemy, the doomsters) - ross macdonald: three book omnibus from another of the Big Three (chandler, hammett, macdonald). they're all fantastic. they don't quite have the poetic turns that chandler does but also, comparing anybody to raymond chandler on turns of phrase is criminal. set in a time period you don't see so much, the transition from the 50s to 60s. a little old-man-yells-at-cloud-y about the youth, but you're going to struggle to find a noir writer who approaches his subjects with such empathy. lew archer is a kind, open-hearted man, and he suffers hugely for it. i know a significant amount of you are here for fallout stuff, so i think this is a fair comparison; nick valentine owes a lot to how lew archer is written. if you're looking to get into the genre and need a reference point, these are probably the books you should start with
mass effect revelation - gave it a whirl, couldn't stick with it. might try again later, i really like anderson as a character and i'm big into ME.
quantum devil saga; avatar tuner - yu godai, kevin frane; it's okay! i enjoyed it, but i'm super into the game it's expanding on. supplemental material, you know. i wouldn't read it by itself
body scout - lincoln michel; neo-noir set in the future where corporations run amok and pump athletes so full of experimental drugs that they turn to chunky soup on the field. i appreciate how batshit weird it gets, it's very confidently written. i finished it a month ago and have thought about it every day since, it's very up my alley, themes and such that i like and explore. you'd probably like this if you like dmt.
dishonored; the corroded man - adam christopher; an interesting read in that it takes the incredible setting of dishonored and somehow makes it tedious. didn't like it
devil house - john darnielle: now here's a fuckin tome and a half. a (fictional) true crime writer digs into an occult double-murder. but it's not about that. well it is. don't let the cover fool you, it's not a horror. but it kind of is? whatever it is, it's worthwhile. really dense, good if you want to get your teeth into some Big Questions. you'll spend the first part wondering when it will pick up speed, then you'll be screaming for it to stop
pictures of sea slugs; various sea slugs - not a book but something i've been looking at a lot lately. i think they're very cute. i love their little frills
i mean my god
#text post#bookposting#i was sort of an e-reader skeptic for a while but that convenience. my god and it's fun arranging stuff on calibre
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Update on the Chapter 3 Mock Stuff + Some Other Stuff!!
Hey all! It's me, your favorite purple goat with a booty stank upload and sleep schedule, Pompom!
Ever since the newsletter Toby had published on Halloween, I have started to feel less and less encouraged towards continuing my mock Chapter 3 content. On top of lacking any sort of consistent motivation towards making music like I used to have, it seems like we're nearing the release of Chapter 4 sometime within the next couple of years. Now, that's exciting, for sure! And, while it may seem like a long time, it's been, like, almost half a year since my last uploads, LIGHT THE LIGHTS and Written in Stone, and, while I certainly feel better than I had during that time, there's no denying that I still lack so much of the creative potential I once held, and I'm afraid my motivation has been so lacking, that I can't fathom when I'll ever feel the same again. I would kill to upload consistently again sometime, but it really does feel like I have to be on this little forced hiatus. Darn you, brain!
Well- Apologies for the pseudo vent post! But I only bring this up because, due to these complications, I've decided to just drop what I have now here. This doesn't mean I'll never pick these back up, but I feel terrible for leaving my last upload five months in the past, and I haven't really added anything major to any of these tracks since, well, forever ago! So, if it's something you're interested in, these three are among the primary tracks I was developing for my mock Chapter 3.
"Obligatory Field Area"
Obviously, this track holds no title. I mean, technically speaking, none of them do, but the other two I just decided to play along with the existing naming schemes of Deltarune character tracks (Like "Queen", or "Lancer" (But is that called "I'm the Bad Guy?" I don't really know...)). Meant to be the primary area of the mock chapter, resembling a similar, sprawling "field" to that of Hopes & Dreams and Cyber, this is where you would, inevitably, meet Tenna. The art was just a quick mockup I made and never expanded upon, so excuse the poor quality.
Mike
A (very short) song doodle I was making for Mike, the day host (Think of him and Tenna like Nickelodeon and Nick @ Nite, or Cartoon Network and Adult Swim!). Mike holds a more mature, thoughtful attitude and is much less of a "threat" to the Lightners. Even if he has a notably short temper, he knows how to keep his cool and to remain with his stage face on! Instead of directly stopping the Lightners, he more so just likes fooling with them to keep his audience entertained. That is until partway into the chapter, when a mysterious foe comes to bust the party and kick Mike off the stage...
Tenna
A theme for the Big T himself, Tenna! He's a lot more, uhm.. Obnoxious? Than Mike? Being the night host, he holds a more brash attitude for his more mature audiences, and is a lot less thoughtful than Mike. There's not a lot else to say about him, as that's all I've really had in mind up to now, lol. Probably my favorite theme out of the three, though; Obviously, it's kind of a re-take of my previous "Mike" theme that was just made for funsies.
And that's it, really! Those are the three big songs I was doodling out before my brain said, "No." Perhaps sometime in the future I'll pick these back up and continuing developing my ideas. Thankfully, other than music, I've still been trying to get some stuff done, including prototyping various game ideas pseudo-privately. I do anticipate uploading on Tumblr more, I've just never really had a reason to do so as of yet, lol. Sometime, though, I'd love to eventually start posting about my coding projects, and maybe my art. I've never really worked with social media platforms before, admittedly, but I'll definitely try to at least consider branching out and experimenting more with Tumblr going forward.
Thank you all for the continued support! I hope to continue posting sometime, whether it be about music, coding, or whatever.
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I just read the most recent chapter... PERFECTION. I'll talk more about it when I leave a comment, but it was so worth the wait. I'm so interested in the lore of this story, it's definetly transcended both source materials and become its own unique thing! I have so many questions, but I just want to ask the ones that probably won't be revealed from the story itself to try and prevent me from bombarding you with them all😭
For now I'm gonna guess that Kaede knows Peko from a camp visit or something! I think it was also alluded that she/Tenko knows Chihiro/Chiaki as well. What's it like when the other Gods visit (or when the triplets visit)?
Also, I'm not sure how to phrase this, but how were the demigods born to established couples like Naegami/Sakuraoi? [Bc like, gay supremacy, obvi, but like, idk how😭] And also also, why did all the gods decide to reproduce like rabbits all at once 😭 I know that in Greek mythology they were all just freakin but like I'm wondering what caused it in pointy objects, did the y2k craze also get to them
(I wanna save most of it for my comment on ao3, but I really liked how we got an update on so many outside characters, as well as new characters! What happened right after everyone at the camp realized they were gone? I feel so bad for the other half of the kids💔)
hello hello!!! i very eagerly await your comment, but that's for later — for now, there's a few other things!
first: your interest and passion for my writing is so incredibly appreciated and enjoyed and inspiring and just !!! it means more than you know, and since *im* crazy insane about this fic too, i am more than happy to answer questions because my god the brain worms are so bad and they've been there for YEARS.
second: the answers to your current questions! for anyone who may not want to see (for spoiler or length reasons) the rest shall be under the cut <3
i love offering little insights on things that i just don't physically have space to put into the main fic, so that's where i'll start with your first question! godly parent-birth child interaction is a big no-no under junko, so the gods have had to get creative in how they make contact with their children. in the case of peko, kaede is familiar with her because tenko lives with her (with their relation being aunt-niece) except during the summers. as an aside, tenko and himiko also attend the same boarding school during the year, and so when it's summertime, it's often been peko that's dropped the both of them off at camp. however, kaede is also privy to maki's family situation in a way that no one else at camp really is, so she's aware of fuyuhiko being maki's 'godfather' and that he and peko are very close, and work together.
in mentioning chiaki and chihiro as examples, there's a few reasons for the other campers to be aware of them enough to like them. lots of phone conversations, first off — junko can do a lot of things, but monitoring every possible means of communication for every demigod is unfeasible — and boring (at least when not considering certain gods she has specific vendettas against). chiaki and chihiro are all around "better" parents than some of the others, and that naturally lends itself to them coming by camp on very rare occasions to visit their children. other gods also will (very occasionally) visit to speak with hajime and nagito, but the barrier and its ability to keep them from interfering is most of the time enough that they'd rather call a meeting. so, tldr: gods come around camp sometimes, but in very limited circumstances. it's mostly phone conversations, texts, and facetimes that are used between the demigods and their parents (though not everyone has that privilege. i'll leave it at that <3)
and VERY good questions, about the logistics of all these damn kids LOL. there are a lot of reasons for this, so i'll use a few specific examples to expand upon.
makoto and byakuya are first-time parents with rantarou. in godly terms, they've been together for a long time (though not nearly as long as others like hajime/nagito or sakura/aoi, whose relationships are actually ancient). however, for various reasons — hesitance on byakuya's end that he may be a poor father, hesitance on makoto's end to not only have a child as a Big Five god, but also to have a mortal child that he will outlive — they put off having children until relatively recently. sometimes it's as simple as they're just waiting for the right time, and that's what they did. in rantarou's case, he is byakuya's biological child, and his conception was the result of a very rigorous process of finding a surrogate both byakuya and makoto were comfortable with. and it worked out; they were given the child of their dreams, the center of their whole universe, and the very well taken care of surrogate is paid for all of the work she does and more, and she retires richer than god.
aoi (as angie's godly parent) had her in a very similar way — sperm donor, from someone she trusts on her home island where she lives with sakura and a few hundred mortal islanders that know of their status as goddesses and worship them accordingly.
and finally the VERY good question of Why The Fuck Are There So Many Demigods. there's a few reasons for this! a lot of the kids we see are the first children that a god has had — this is true in the case of gundham's child, rantarou, tenko, and a few others that will become important to the fic itself later. there were also several couples between the gods that developed relatively 'recently', which plays a role as well. others, who have had children before, grieve the ones they've lost and decide if/when to have another child in very different ways. this is a non-exhaustive list, but sonia, chihiro, leon, komaru, aoi, hiyoko, mahiru, and nekomaru are all examples of gods who have had children more than once. some — like sonia, chihiro, and aoi — make the choice to have more children despite the issues that arise regarding their immortality. and in the case of those three, all of them just happened to feel ready enough to have kids again at the same time a few spring chicken couples were popping out their firsts, and a few others were making questionable parenting decisions, and some had kids...without knowing they did.
BOY this sure got fun! but it was so fun to write. if this hasnt made it clear, i'm more than happy to talk about this fic for literally ever and ever — so long as i'm ducking around spoiler territory. your last question, about what happens immediately following the gang being discovered as missing, will come up to at least some degree in pointy objects. however, for years i've maintained a list of possible one-shot ideas that don't fit within the main pointy objects narrative, and that has been on there for ages. so if it's not expanded upon enough in-verse for my liking, i'll definitely either write something supplementary (WAY in the future tho LOL) on ao3 or lore drop here. we're a ways off from that, though!
but thank you again, and i hope you enjoyed this little offering! i certainly did <3
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When it comes to verse blurbs, how much info do you actually want to see? I mean, chances are eventually I'll get proper blurbs written for everything, but like... Is just a couple lines of where my thought process for the verse (or variant therein) enough to go by, especially until I have a better idea of which verses I need to focus on actually expanding with more info?
Which, by the way, is part of the purpose of the Interest Tracker - so that I know which verses are the most likely to be the most active so I can put attention towards them rather than necessarily hyperfixating on ones no one's even paying attention to in that moment. So please, fill out the new forms, because they are new and with the restructuring of them, I can't simply transfer the info over from the old ones.
But like... if I do the brief line on the forward facing card, and then the blurb next to the verse's overall status info, and just make notes for the rest of the info (besides filling in the obvious like the tags used and whatnot), would that be enough until someone actively asks for more details for a particular verse?
Because ADHD brain latches onto things weirdly at times, and right now I've ended up trying to focus on finishing all of the things rather than at least providing general info to prompt either questions to get me rambling about a thing and/or leaving everything with "TO BE ANNOUNCED" because I have so many verses and inevitably end up with more as my mind wanders while working on them, plus nothing is actually set in stone with them anyway as things develop regardless...
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Oh man just got caught up with rubicon and I’m on the edge of my seat! I know nothing about figure skating but the way you write it, the routines, the press, the bureaucracy, it just feels like this really rich and tangible world. Also, I saw in your notes from the last chapter that you’re taking time to do rough draft work, and I wanted to ask! What does writing a fic usually look like for you? How do you outline, draft, revise, post? I love hearing about my fave authors’ writing processes. :)
thank you SO much, anon, for this invitation to open mouth dump brain about How Writing. i love to talk about how writing.
this is gonna get very long, so here's the cut. [eta: jesus CHRIST it's long. you've been warned.]
so here is how it normally goes. for shorter fic, i start out with some kind of image or dialogue – for kindling it was the anecdote about sylvain and his childhood horse, for aubade it was claude (ha) in the windowsill – and first write until i get there and then write until the end. polish and it's done. it sounds quick and easy and in some cases it is, but that's just because like—if it's not, if it doesn't work itself out, then it doesn't get written, i don't make it to the end. sometimes i'll have turned over an idea for months or even years (recapitulation) before the actual fic gets written. my subconscious doing all the heavy lifting for me!
and sometimes i will THINK it's going to be a short fic ~shaped as i go~ and it turns out to be. long. (notably: green is the color.) for long fic, i don't exactly outline but i do make a list of things i know that happen in the fic. this might be detailed and it might not be. for gone to ground there was a lot of detail about the dramatic tent betrayal-murder and a lot of detail about sylvain's injury/delirium/big go-on-without-me scene and then a generic line item like, wilderness adventures! for when the earth stands still it was almost all worldbuilding, like what are the activities and feasts and would sylvain and felix play along or not. then i start at the beginning and write toward the first thing on the list. i may or may not get there before i jump ahead and start writing scenes in the middle or at the end. (meanwhile, the list is expanding as i figure out how the story goes and what needs to happen!) from there on it's a very haphazard process of writing whatever speaks to me at the time and structuring the story as i write bits of scenes here and there, until i have pretty much all the scenes in place and then until they're filled in. which is incidentally how the editing and revising happens, just a constant process of reread-tweak-tweak-tweak-polish as i write. rocks constantly tumbling in a stream etc.
as you can see i am big on the process of discovery lol. there are pros and cons to this. obviously if you get stuck you can get REALLY stuck. you can end up with pacing or relationship build or character arc totally out of whack. (i can name several instances where i feel that's happened to me!) but for me personally i've found i write better if i don't force myself to figure out everything in advance. to return to wtess and the worldbuilding – like, i did come up with a list of days (gifts/good works/hunt and horses/etc), but i didn't list what sylvain and felix would DO on every single one. so i knew they would ride instead of hunt, i knew felix would give sylvain a cloak and i knew why, but i did not know a lot of other things! i did not know about the play! this allows for not only the Joy of Discovery but also the freedom to mold and rework on the fly which i find much easier than trying to get my brain to understand "yeah that detailed plan you absorbed? you have to completely forget about it now because big revision."
anyway at this point when a full draft is done... i should go back and give it a thorough reading as a coherent whole and revise and edit accordingly but historically uh. i have not done that. historically i cannot stand to spend one more minute working on it and just. post. it's a weakness! sometimes this is fine, sometimes this is riddled with typos but otherwise fine, and sometimes i will spend MONTHS kicking myself afterward. lol.
ok having said all 650 words of that lmao: rubicon is different. it had to be different because of the scale. and i knew the scale was going to be big from the beginning, three weeks into my fire emblem experience, although i didn't know… how big. [cut meandering origin story which is a different story for a different post lol.] i did know that if i tried my usual "idk write a bunch of scenes out of order until it's done" method i would simply die. so i tried something new.
which was: made myself write the whole thing straight through in order, something between and outline and a rough draft. more than an outline because i had to try and actually make ideas work rather than just leave them as a bullet point and assume they would. less than a rough draft because uh otherwise i would drown. so like, some fully drafted scenes, some scene skeletons with just basic beats and dialogue excerpts, some [insert X here i guess??] placeholders. the goal was not good prose, the goal was to get to the end, ideally as fast as possibly so i couldn't perceive what i was doing and get freaked out about it. it worked! i generated a whole skeleton draft!
(li shang voice) Then The Real Work Begins.
what i've had to do since is take that skeleton (storyboard?) section by section (usually 10-15k, but purely dependent on vibes) and flesh it out into an actual workable draft. that's what i mean when i say rough draft work—i don't have a better way to put it. the fleshing out process is similar to how i generally write, a little here a little there, not necessarily in order, until it's done. then i put it aside and go on to the next section. i may make some intermediary edits based on how the story is developing up ahead, but for the most part i don't return to a section until i'm ready to get it line edited (a new thing!! big step for me!!!), at which point i polish it up til i'm more or less happy, send it off, and then make any final feedback-based edits while preparing to post each chapter.
so far, SO FAR, the fleshing out stage is where i've caught all the really big revisions, like, oh wait actually NOTHING about this idea works, you need to completely rewrite this scene. you need to add a scene. you need to replace this conversation with a different one. you need to totally reconsider your plan for the resolution of this arc 30k down the road.
for the first act, i barely had to do anything structural. like, there was plenty to fill in, but nothing to really rip up and change. for everything after that……. hahaha. when i say this fic is kicking my ass, when i say i'm taking a break to focus on rough draft, that's what i mean. the deeper in i get, the more changes i have to make. which is, like, obvious! it's hard tho. atm i have the next 30k all fleshed out and ready to be edited/proofread. there is unfortunately probably another 50k to go before the end. that's what i'm deep in right now. i hope it's not that much! i hope i'm wrong!
as for whens/whys of posting, i had dreams about finishing a whole complete full draft and then doing a real deep dive edit/revision and THEN posting, because i wanted it to be good and i didn't want to have regrets, and eventually i faced reality which is that i would never get out of the swamp if i didn't have some sort of externally imposed form of accountability. so when i'd gotten the whole first act drafted AND edited AND proofread—that was when i started posting. in retrospect, should have waited until rl circumstances were more accommodating, could have avoided that initial three month gap. but it's worked since then!
the biggest consequence is that of course it is going to be longer than it needs to be, and i'm sure i will look back and see significant cuts that could have been made. however. there is a point at which you have to accept this is fanfiction you are writing for your own personal satisfaction and if it's not as good as it could be—it's not as good as it could be. it's not the end of the world.
anyone who read this whole thing gets a bye to the grand prix of reading self-involved process posts final. +3 GOE every element. sorry/thank you/i love you.
#ask#writing#rubicon#gone to ground#when the earth stands still#extremely long post#an appropriate symbol actually
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stealing a mutual's idea of exposing my weaknesses shfhgb
so obviously i have my likes and limits on my pinned post but . they're vague and not really detailed so why not expand upon some of them and add some.
this is a terrible idea because i'm giving all my switchy friends ammo to use against me!! but that just means i'll have to get better at resistance. which is definitely possible because i'm most certainly not extremely easy haha...
disclaimer: yes! i do let people, anon or not, hypnotize me through asks, and maybe dms if discussed beforehand. however, that still requires respecting my limits. i'm all down for being a little hypnotoy you can take for a joy ride, but i am still a person. there hasn't been problems so far (knock on wood) but i'm saying it anyways just in case.
okay, now the fun stuff below the cut:
fractionation - pretty self explanatory. if you start rapid fire fractionating me, my brain becomes mush. particularly effective with the words up/down and drop/wake. on that same note ...
rapid fire/trigger spam - okay so trigger spamming is silly sometimes because it reminds me of like. a starter tist you'd find on reddit or something that just spams the word sleep at you hoping it'll work. but when used tastefully? holy fuck. not giving me the time to recover/think about it is your best shot at getting me down
resistance/bratting - these themselves aren't weaknesses but they're likes that have weakness within them. if you can eventually convince me that i want to drop and obey more than i want to resist and win, then you'll get me. this isn't as easy as you think, because i am quite stubborn, competitive, and i like winning.
being sleepy - this doesn't even really need explanation, but i am very easy when tired. but i mean tired tired, because i'm tired 24/7 anyway lol. but catching me after waking up either in the morning or from a nap makes it harder for me to fight. that and if i'm straight up just sleep deprived, like i only got 2 hours or i've been up for 16+ hours, i'm even easier.
instant inductions/unexpected triggers - this ties into the same reasoning for rapid fire—not giving me time. i will most likely drop and then wake myself up, so you have those few seconds of vulnerability before i recover to do something.
covert/conversational inductions - also relatively explanatory. for covert in particular, if i don't notice that you're trancing me then i won't know that i'm being entranced. and i can't fight against something i don't notice. for conversational, i will definitely notice at some point. it's just dependent on how early i notice to be able to fight it off.
whatever the fuck you call what this ask was - i'm bad at words so i don't know what to identify this as but this? holy fuck. this just slides into my brain so easily dhfjfj. 💖 you didn't see this
"____ for me" - i made this a post and it blew up for no reason dhfhg. i am way more likely to obey a command if you throw a for me on there.
praise - i'm very easily flustered so lots of praise gets me into a very blushy, shy, keysmashing state, which could be used to make me fuzzy.
dumbification - making me feel all dumb gets me so easy. calling me dumb, dummy, or a ditz or trying to get me to giggle makes me just fhfhtjg
confusion - it is not hard to confuse me like . at all. literally just throw some "if you're thinking about not thinking then are you thinking?" or "forget to remember, remember to forget" or make up = down and down = up n i'm all yours.
amnesia - if i'm fuzzy and you tell me to forget about something then there's a good chance of it working. especially when it's slipped in casually, like "oh, nevermind, forget i said anything" and i'll have a moment of like wha-? where my mind decides whether or not to do it. some reassurance, like "that's right, you can just forget" or "don't worry about it" will probably work.
"must _____" - a command preceeded by must (only must, not you must) is extremely compelling to me and hard to resist.
cock - i'm not expanding on this, you know who you are shfhrhfurhf
mantras/repetition - if you give me a mantra that's gonna be stuck in my head for a while. or making me repeat something, or asking questions that have the same single answer
trance recall - if you make me think of a trance i've recently been in, i get all fuzzy and my eyes flutter as if i'm feeling the same thing again.
post-trance fuzziness - in switch fights, if i didn't lose then i'm definitely fuzzy as fuck and a bit fractionated. if you pretend it's over and then catch me by surprise, that might secure you a last ditch victory.
anyways, i will probably update this if i think of more but. yeah i just made resisting 100x harder for myself dhfh
#i am going to. regret this#dhfjfj#no rb#<- pls don't reblog thanks 🙏#i'm just giving a fuck load of ammo for free#tbf a lot of these are Known/Obvious but .#shfhgjgj#mars.txt
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