#I’ve had this convo with my cousins back in the day
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Based on a true story.
#I’ve had this convo with my cousins back in the day#the youngest of the four of us was so mad at after learning I had drank 7 monster energy drinks in one day#but I lived bitch#fanart#briizart#trigun#trigundoods#meryl stryfe#milly thompson#wolfwood#vash
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໒꒰ྀི´ ˘ ` ꒱ྀིა mimi’s fic recs !
in summary these are my fav fics that i’ve read recently and are living within the depths of my brain. this is just a way for my to show appreciation for the writers who had written them <3 please support their blogs and check out their other works as well!
please minors dni with the smut works. respect writers and their boundaries!!
f :: fluff / a :: angst / s :: smut
pretty girls make graves by @ijtaimes f
OBSESSED with this series!! the blend of the summer camp setting, the love triangle story, and the clever incorporation of horror elements?@)2)2) and the interactive storytelling it has with the outfit choices and other general choices?? ivy, cousin i love you and your sexy brain. i can’t get enough of it actually!
two peculiar swans by @astralnymphh f / s
WHEN I TELL YOU ALL I RAN LIKE THREE LAPS AND SAT IMMEDIATELY WHEN I SAW IT WAS POSTED. the writinggg!! so top tier! the dialogue, inner monologue how the story just flows so seamlessly?? i’m so excited for the rest of this series bro like aestra ate😋 HYPE IT UP YALL!!
loser!abby by @abbyscherry s
when i tell you all i profusely **** and ***** while reading both of the loser!abby works. like if i speak I would be deemed as insane, a mad woman it’s crazy. read them like bedtime stories before bed😭
cowboy!ellie + this by @catfern s
SAVE A HORSE RIDE A COWGIRL! COWBOY!ELLIE NATION RISEEEEE. these hcs had me foaming t the mouth like i need someone to hold me back before I ramble about how much I love these hcs and eat them up and will continue to eat up anything cowboy!ellie 😋
in for it by @brackishkittie s
ONE WORD. DIVINE. DELICIOUS. SCRUMPTIOUS. i could not stop smiling like a school girl while reading this it’s embarrassing actually. also vivian’s smau’s >>>> got me into the fandom actually
rockstar!ellie + this by @phantombriide s
i could write a thesis about how much i love this and rockstar!ellie works. like this is what i breathe, i eat, i consume everyday. it is the mantra i read to start my days. my daily reading to begin the day. god bless.
academic rival!abby by @beforeimdeceased f / s
ACADEMIC RIVALS CLENCHES FISTS. RAHHHHHHHHHHHH I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE ITTTTT. every bit of this series had me craving for more oml. like i need academic!rival abby in my bed immediately!
being pregnant with wife!abby by @bayasdulce f
baby fever has hit me once again what can i say?😞 I need wife!abby to take care of me so bad it’s getting sad at this point. I just this broke me down and worsened my baby fever (had me making a pinterest board and everything goodbye😞😞)
neighbour!ellie + this by @loaksky s / f
NEIGHBOUR!ELLIE NEIGHBOUR!ELLIE NEIGHBOUR!ELLIE MY FAV FAV FAV! i remember the influx of them on my dash and trust i was eating good 🍽️ both parts had me folding, giggling, smiling, swinging my feet everything and everything.
try it on by @moncherellie s
another work that got me into the fandom!! I remember reading this for the first time and hiding my face and giggling into my pillow and the audios lord i felt so giddy that night lmao😭
doctor!abby texts by @eightstarr f
doctor!abby has me in a chokehold like that’s my wife and mother of our three children everyone can leave pls and thanks😁 and i mean that with my whole chest. those texts are actual REAL evidence of what our convos look like you all can move (im joking pls don’t take what I’m saying seriously😭) I just am in love with everything zoe puts out because it’s so good and so dear and special to me
cutty love by @totheblood f
anything star puts out tbh >>>>> absolutely in love with cutty love actually! I am a whore for any fluff and PINNING (GIVE IT TEW ME). this is just so soft and sweet and it’s everything I need like uggggh. the audios too just chefs kiss love everything about it!
streamer!ellie hcs by @inf3ct3dd f
SIERRA’S HCS 🔛🔝 SO GOOD EATS EVERYTIME YALL like gen they all have made their home in my brain and I can’t go to bed without at least reading one of them before i hit the hay.
knight!ellie by @heavenbloom f
FIRSTLY written so beautifully?&* i love everything about this and i tend to go back to this work when I’m in need of a fluff fix! I absolutely adore how everything is written yes I’m reiterating my point because ‘green eyes thirsty for the well that was your beauty.’ LIKE WORLD STOP. ARE YOU SEEING THIS?? ‘she was utterly dedicated to you, body and soul, and she would be by your side until her very last breath. it was a fierceness, this love that consumed her, and it was all yours.’ LIKE WTF
partition by @whore4abby s
reserving my *clears throat* thoughts for now but just know * **** **** *** *** ***** **** * **** ***** *********!!! 😁😁😁 everyone should read this ASAP!
sun don’t set by @hier--soir f
another heavenly piece omg!! so in love with the writing in here oh my god. it’s so soft and sweet and it just felt like a warm hug on a cold winters day i just. please read this!!
you love it when i play with you by @ourautumn86 s
i think i like passed out and had three nosebleeds because of this. i think about this more than i should. I think about in the morning, throughout the day and night. my daily read at this point like it’s just sooooo😋😋😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫
my love mine all mine by @doepretty f
this one is special to me too like. for one the writing is so beautiful and it made me shed a tear and secondly I melted into a puddle like i want Abby so bad I’m going to be sick.
#🎀.favs#ellie williams#ellie williams x reader#ellie x reader#ellie tlou#ellie williams x you#ellie the last of us#ellie x fem reader#the last of us#tlou abby#abby x reader smut#abby smut#abby headcanons#fic recs#abby anderson fanfic#abby anderson fluff#abby anderson fic
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I'll try to be brief and avoid rambling as I like to do lol.
So, I was on twitter for something else and then saw in my lil "what's happening" that "Tutsi" was trending and so it got my attention right away and so I clicked it and saw that it was #Kwibuka30. So then it kinda brought alot of thoughts that I've had for about the past week or so rush straight to the front of my brain.
Its #Kwibuka30, and its essentially a day of remembrance of the 1994 Genocide in Rwanda. Its a day that I don't particularly think about often but I think of that year and period as a whole more often. Its kinda two fold where as in the past I didn't know of it (the specific day not the cause) and now that I have actively chosen to learn, read and fully immerse myself in it vs. just listening to convos and stories through my family members. I'm also close to the end of a book "Do Not Disturb" by Michela Wrong that is focused on the murder of a former high ranking RPF (Rwandan Patriotic Front) member but for me touches on the subject of the things that contributed to and reaction of the '94 genocide. Other books I finished that also touch on the subject. With that I also am a smarter & more informed just based on who I was around and listening to and I'm older, better educated (more educated??) anyways. I saw all that to get to this bit that made me feel like putting this and these thoughts out (so I can come back to and see).
I was personally affected by the '94 genocide and my family as a whole was affected by it. My life would be completely different if what led to it and it happening never happened. So I feel a certain level of pain/hurt when I think of the number of uncles I never got to meet, or cousins I didn't get to know.. I feel for my mom who lost brothers, uncles, friends & my grandma who lost her kids, siblings, nieces/nephews, etc. So it does that to me and to those who I have no relation with I think of more now than then because no one deserves to lose their life like that esp. innocent people who knew nothing and were taken. Its political and a longstanding thing that folks were gonna get their lick back but damn. Knowing now what I know I think its important to clarify that if this were to ever be seen by a person who.. idk just wants to start something or call me or consider me a génocidaire (genocide denier... in french for a reason) for what I'm about to say.. its actually far from it.
I understand that #Kwibuka30 is more or less reserved for "commemoration of the 1994 Genocide Against the Tutsi" I believe its also important that families of innocent Hutus should also be taken into consideration and remembered. Because the bigger play here is fully political in how its handled but its inhumane (to me) to make people feel less than or not be allowed to openly mourn for there own because others who did something so horrific shared the same tribe and that means they don't deserve the same sympathy... fuck that because its not fair. So as I think about my family and everyone who was affected. God Bless to all the lost souls that died, survived and many who feel guilty for being around. I pray for yall & hope you find a second to mourn, celebrate and feel free even if its just for a second.
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This takes me to Gaza & the Palestinian people because it was for them who made me relive things that happened more so when i was younger and knew nothing. I'm glad I was able to get off what I needed in the first part but this was more due to the images I was seeing. I feel for all those impacted by what's happening because at one point that was my reality, and I listen to the people in my family and close friends talk about the periods where we were on the move from refugee camp to refugee camp, walking for ages, just the blur of it all. Its brings you down but my mom and I have convos about it and I see why our bond is so strong and we struggled together to get to where we are. My dad too! Out there put in the frontlines and making it back to check on me or having his men guard where I laid my head in many cases. Owing the chance I got to my uncle who was also in the military like my dad and he & his wife protecting my mom and I and so many stories where God was there for me and mine. Lucky to make it out fr. So I see the images of kids eating, playing, in their parents arms and I feel and get a jolt of emotion that reminds me I was once just like them. So how its imperative to show love, give, pray and what I can to help. Life is unpredictable and my heart goes out to each and everyone impacted by it all.
Idk man.. I had to get that one off my chest and put it somewhere.
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@fe-oc-week day 6 - Supports
So I skipped days 4 and 5, Tragedy and Joy, because I really can't work out what to do for them? The only thing she would consider a tragedy is her mum dying the day she turned 11, and she makes an effort to find as much joy as possible in the little every day things, like sun rises and sun sets and clean air and tasty food and being near people she likes. Just too many things to list
For Supports, I don’t tend to think of Nico in terms of fitting her into the game mechanics (with branching paths and joining different classes), it’s more of a linear story that has conversations at various points that I guess could count as Support convos?
Though saying that, I know that one and one conversations with most everyone do all happen at one point or another (if Shez and Byleth get to talk to everyone, so does Nico!) however where most of her story is still living in my head as a giant jumble to half cooked ideas and snippets of dialogue... I'll just share what I've already got for a few people
So here's some of my favourite bits of dialogue and short scenes? =3
(and a few scene outlines because my brain Will Not Work properly)
Conversations with Leonie, Hilda, Lorenz, Felix, Shez, Claude, Sylvain
Leonie:
When Nico first gets to the academy -
“Leonie! Hello darling, it’s great to see you!” she said, reaching out and pulling her friend into a quick hug before stepping back and holding her by her elbows as she gave her an exaggerated once over. “And oooh, look at you! Dressed up all fancy. It really suits you. Give us a twirl? Niiice. Now give me another one so I can check out something other than your ass? And your legs, phew, didn’t think I’d ever see so much of them out in public like this.”
Leonie burst out laughing as she cuts the start of her second spin short and shoves at Nico’s shoulder with a fond eye roll and faint blush. But she’s quickly reminded that they aren’t at Sauin village where everyone knows what they’re like, and are in fact surrounded by strangers when she hears a few other people also laugh while still more splutter from drinking at the wrong moment or make scandalised sounding gasps. And through it all, a laugh she vaguely recognises. She looked round, and found Lady Hilda sitting at the nearby table next to Yellow cape–no, he was Claude, and she was still kinda mad at him–, and she’d half turned towards her to say hi when Leonie’s words made her freeze
“Yeah, I didn’t either, but my uniform choices were this or a dress. It’s surprisingly comfortable, when you get used to it. What have you picked for yours?”
Her eyes snapped back to Leonie, hoping her friend was joking, but no, no it didn’t look like she was.
“Run that by me again? Did you say the options are a skirt or a dress?”
“Huh? Well, yeah. I was pretty miffed about it too, but they seemed kinda strict about it, long held tradition or something.”
She turned to Shez and Byleth, who were watching the conversation with vague interest, and silently asked them what the fuck with a head tilt and brow lift.
“You don't remember us going to see the tailors last night after we talked to Professor Hanneman? Well, we did, and we've picked out what we want, but you were too out of it to pick yourself, so we said we'd go back later today. Oh. They needed your measurements to get started on your shirts, so me and By got them, so they wouldn’t be touching you.”
Well. That was one thing to be thankful for, she supposed, giving Shez a grateful smile, then glancing down at Byleth when she felt a light touch on the back of her hand to find her cousin looking up at her, the faintest of frown lines between her brows, and shifted her smile over into reassuring.
“I’m fine, honest. Just gonna have to talk to them is all.”
“Aww, what’s the matter Nico?” Leonie asked with a laugh in her voice. “You can’t tell me you’re afraid to show a little leg yourself, I’ve seen what you dance in.”
Shaking her head fondly she turned back, noting that Hilda had left her seat and was walking towards them so she needed to wrap this up quickly.
“You know damn well how much of me I’m happy to show, but when you’ve got some free time how about I take you up on Kilani and you can find out how much of a pain in the ass it is to ride a wyvern in a skirt?”
Hilda:
When Nico gets to the monastery, and she’s meeting everyone along with Byleth and Shez, she’s just introduced herself the the Great Lord’s heirs and offered to do anything she can to help them, since she’s employed by Lady Daphnel and trying to build a good rapport with these noble kids -
"Except you. If you want me to buy you more beads you need to start learning Almyran properly and come with me. I'm not having you yell at me for buying you what you ask me for again."
Hilda laughed, rolling her eyes, then started her familiar argument
"I asked for lapis lazuli seed beads Nico–"
"No, you asked for blue–"
"And you bought me turquoise cut gems–"
"Turquoise is blue! I bought you blue stones with holes in them! I tried, ok? This is why you need to come with me!"
End of Harpstring, after the class’ first main mission in which Nico took an arrow to the back of the shoulder for Claude, and then an axe hit to her arm while pushing Hilda out of the way of an attack. Hilda and Leonie have gone with Nico back to the eyrie to help her unsaddle Kilani, since her arm’s in a sling. Probably their C support? -
“Nico, why’d you take that hit for me? You know I’m not actually a delicate flower, don’t you?”
“I know, I know. But I still didn’t want to see you get hurt. Even if you could have taken it, it would still have caused you pain, and I just… don’t want to see you hurt. I honestly do like you Hilda, and I’d like to be friends someday.”
“Wait, you think we aren’t friends already?”
“Huh? I mean, um…”
“Nico!”
“I didn’t want to presume! You are a noble after all, and you’ve paid me to run errands and do stuff for you before! I thought you might still see me as a messenger, or like, a merc who works with Holst sometimes.”
Leonie, who was on the other side of the wyvern stall, started sniggering
“Don’t mind her Hilda, Nico’s pretty bad at knowing when she’s made a friend, she asked me if she could call me one after we’d known each other six months.”
“Leonie!!!”
“Haha, I see! In that case yes Nico, we are friends. And I think Marianne and Lysithea would probably say you are too, so how about we all go and get tea together at some point, yeah?”
“Huh? Oh, um, yeah. Yeah, I’d like that.”
Lorenz:
Lorenz pissed Nico off when they first met because he didn’t like the way she’d talked to Leonie, and reminded her several times that he was a noble who had standards. So when she went back to Daphnel for her first weekend running messages and she offered to take stuff for the rest of the class, she made a point of charging him, since he was a noble, not one of her classmates or friends. This happens shortly after that
“Hey, um, Lorenz? Do you have a second?”
“Yes? What can I do for you?”
“I. I wanted to apologise for the way I spoke to you on Friday,” she said, dropping into a bow and focusing on his shoes, which were of course perfectly polished. “And for all of my conduct towards you so far, in fact. I know I’ve been a real brat towards you, because what you said when we met kinda annoyed me, but that’s no excuse for my frankly terrible behaviour and attitude. You of course aren’t obligated to, but I was wondering if perhaps we could try to start over?”
His feet shuffled in place while he made a vaguely surprised noise, and she could hear their classmates still tidying books and lingering at desks. She hated having to do this in front of them, but, well, she had made the point of charging him for delivering his message and then warping him away to his dad’s office in front of them too, so it was only fair.
“I accept your apology. And as to starting over, ahem. I am Lorenz Hellman Gloucester, and it is a pleasure to make your acquaintance.”
She slowly rose up from her bow, looking up and finding him giving her a small, tight looking smile, but it was a smile nonetheless.
“The pleasure is mine Lord Gloucester. I am Nicolita Eisner, but please, call me Nico. Do you think you might be free at all in the next few days to join me for some hot leaf juice, do you think?”
She bit her lip as she watched his eyes fly wide and he started to splutter, colour rushing to his cheeks and looking like he was trying to be a kettle fit to boil over, before he paused, and narrowed his eyes at her. She shrunk down a little, and felt her shoulders hunch despite herself. Yeah, she’d been trying to wind him up by calling it leaf juice, but she did actually want to have tea with him
“Humph. Very well. But I must insist that you refrain from referring to it as such. While I acknowledge that not all of the blends that are generally called tea deserve the title, those blends do have their own proper names, such as tinctures and tisanes. Come along, and I can begin teaching you the differences now.”
Felix:
End of Harpstring, her dead mother’s birthday. Nico has been trying to keep her head down and not interact with people, and Felix has been trying to goad her into sparring despite her and Byleth telling him to stop - this would be C- I think? -
"Tch, what's the matter? Scared to fight me now I know the sort of dirty tricks you like to play? You truly are pathetic"
That makes her snap, spinning to face him and magic sparking out of her, like in one of those static ball things, and leaving faint scorch marks on the floor near her
"For fucks sake Felix! I'd heard Sylvain was the insatiable one who didn't understand the concept of 'no', but were all those rumours really about you instead? Are you really the type of guy to keep pushing and pushing after a girl's turned you down, and ignore all her attempts to politely make you back off? I’m thinking maybe they were, since Sylvain has been nothing but a gentleman since I met him"
Felix is horrified, because of what she's implying. And Sylvain's a little surprised, because er, does she not remember their date?
“I said no. I said I don’t want to. I am now saying to fuck the hell off and leave me alone and just don’t talk to me about anything, ever, you spoiled little noble brat! It’s more than time you grew the fuck up, learned some manners and learned to fucking listen to people other than yourself!”
Later the same day, Nico returns to the monastery from where she’d stormed off, and goes to find Felix in the dining hall -
"What do you want?" he bites out, and it's an effort to swallow from how dry her mouth suddenly is as she tries to remember what she wanted to say
She bows to him, a full proper one with all the respect he deserves, and says "I'm sorry. I was in a bad mood but I shouldn't have taken it out on you. You did nothing to deserve what I said to you, and my words towards you were completely unwarranted and unjustified, and the insinuation I made was unnecessarily cruel. I truly regret my actions, and any harm I've caused you, and will do whatever you want to make things right, if I can."
She waits, holding the bow, for his reaction, and has to bite her lip to try and hide her flinch when he scoffs
"If you think that drivel you spouted will make everything better–" he starts with a barely suppressed snarl in his voice, and she knows it's rude and will probably make everything worse, but she cuts across him
"No, I don't think it'll make things better. I understand if there is nothing I can ever say or do to make up for the pain I caused you or any damage to your reputation. But in case there is, please know I will say or do whatever you deem necessary to make things right"
Silence. And she internally cringes because it's the sort of silence that means everyone in the hall has stopped and is watching, and if anyone hadn't known what happened before then they'd find out now and this was a terrible idea what was she thinking she was such a fucking moron
"Idiot," Felix spits, followed by a tch of him clicking his tongue. "Go away. I don't want to deal with you right now. You disgust me"
(this one isn’t even dialogue, just how the scene would go, but shhhh, pretend it is?) This would be… either C+ or B I guess? -
After everyone’s settled down, she goes to Kilani’s saddle bags and pulls out her set of poi, and moves to a bit of the clearing away from Felix, because they still aren’t exactly on the best of terms from the whole insulting him thing, and starts practising. Hits herself a few times, but mostly does ok
She keeps track of the time, and when their shift is over she looks over at Felix, trying to build herself up to face the cold hostility she’s sure she’s about to get from him, but finds him staring at her, looking considering and calculating, and what? Tentatively calls his name, and he blinks a few times, then tch’s, looking away from her. Says her footwork was interesting was all, he was studying it to see if any of it could be applied to his swordsmanship.
She stares at him, because huh. Didn’t expect him to admit that. But her silence seems to bother him, and he shifts, crossing his arms, then huffs loudly.
Asks if she’d be willing to teach him how to do all that, and she’s a little surprised. Because she hadn’t been entirely sure they were back on good terms… They hadn’t interacted much since the whole blow up at him thing?
He tch’s again, and says she had a point, he was wrong, he’s been trying to be better about it. And… he wants to learn how to do what she did. Not just with these balls on strings. But with the moving around in fights. The dodging out of the way, and all the footwork. And he saw her dancing in town, and the moves she used looked... He thinks it’d be useful for his fighting. Please.
It’s the please that gets her. Because wow. Progress!!!
Shez:
So Nico and Shez are pretty close before the game even starts, so it’s difficult to work out what would even count as supports for them. But I really do love this scene so I’mma share it =3
Context is Byleth and Shez started the Ashen Wolves DLC while Nico was away running messages for Judith, only Judith told her to take a few hours off while she wrote supplies so Nico made a giant pool at the Troupes camp and was teaching the kids to swim when she felt Byleth turn back time (long story). So she warped to Byleth while still in her under things, and joined in the fight in that outdoor map below the cathedral bridge, but because of the excess amount of Sothis magic down there her magical senses are dulled, and she kinda hasn’t noticed anyone else who takes part in the DLC are kinda hanging back to stay out of the way of her attacks… -
A sharp slice across her collarbone as she didn’t step back either quick or far enough, and she hissed in pain, then growled as she felt her top which just got cut through slide down to leave one side of her chest exposed, and then hung loose and distracting off her other shoulder as the knot got stuck in the rings at the back
“Nico? What’s wro–” Shez’s question dissolved into splutters, and then a grunt of pain, and she glanced over to where she was pretty sure he was to see him sprawled on the floor, cheeks a bright red, and a construct standing over him with an axe.
Sighing, she reached out and waved a hand, shooting ice up from either side of Shez to impale the enemy.
“Oh I’m sorry Shez, don’t tell me you got distracted by my non-existent tits?” she asked sweetly sharp, keeping half an eye on him as he scrambled to his feet
“For the love of–gnnngh! I said it one time, and that was months ago! How are you still not over that yet?”
“You’re right, you did only say I’m flatter than a wash board with grapes nailed to it one time, yeah. But there was another time when you said the only shape I have is because of an excessive amount of ruffles! And maybe I’ll start getting over it when you apologise??”
“What? I already did!”
“Bollocks did you!”
“I did! You were yelling at me in the healers tent and started to cry and stopped as soon as I said I was sorry!”
“When I was in…” She stopped after kicking one of the things in the stomach then spinning round to get the momentum to behead it cleanly. She uses this quick lull in the fight to yank at her top, pulling the knot through the rings so it was free and she could drop it to the floor, where it wouldn't distract her by flapping and shifting and tickling her back
“Shez. Darling. Love. Sweetheart–”
“Uh oh”
“–Light of my life. Did you perhaps apologise to me during the three days I lost because I had a mother fucking concussion from being thrown head first into a tree saving your sorry ass from the giant wolves you pissed off?!”
“. . . well when you put it that way–”
“As soon as we’re done murdering these bitches I’m smacking you upside the head you flaming sack of putrid festering duck shit!”
Claude:
Shahid attacked the Locket while the Goddess’ Rite of Rebirth was going on (because he’d heard someone tried to murder some of the Alliances heirs last month, so the Alliance must be weak right now), so the Deer have to ditch protecting the Sword in order to beat up Shahid. Nico provides some psychological horror to the Almyran’s before warping them all back to the capital, and then has a quick conversation with Nader before sending him back to explain that they’re all going home in one piece this time because of her debt to queen Tia—--
Nico blue screens as she puts together that Tiana is the same name as Oswald’s daughter/Claude mum and the Fodlani born Almyran queen and huh
The next day, when Nico wakes up from her magical overexertion nap and Claude catches her in the eyrie -
“So, about what happened with Nader yesterday. I guess that means you kno–”
She spun around and practically lept towards him, slapping her hand over his mouth as she grabbed his shoulder and pushed him backwards until he hit the wall out of sight of the doorway. She squeezed tighter when his hands seem to instinctively go to her wrist and try to pull her off him, and she had to look away from his eyes and focus on a spot just past his ear when she saw how alarmed, confused, and wary betrayed he was, because it made something in her chest ache something fierce to see how he still didn’t trust her, despite everything. But she pushed that aside for the moment, because he needed to hear this!
“Look. There is a very fine line between me strongly suspecting something because of facts I’ve pieced together, and me knowing something because someone else has confirmed it. Right now, I can honestly say if anyone asks that I don’t know who or where your parents are. So I need you to be very careful about what you say to me from now on so you don’t tip me suspecting over into me knowing. Understand?”
A light seemed to flicker on behind his eyes, which were darting all over her face as she slowly lifted her hand off his mouth and let go of him, and then he slowly nodded, something like a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips
“Yeah, I understand. I… yeah.”
She nodded at him, then turned to go back to making sure she’d packed all of Kilani’s things properly, but he grabbed her shirt sleeve, gently tugging, and she looked back at him in surprise, because huh?
“Thanks, Nico. For not saying anything yesterday.”
She gave him a look, brows raised and lips quirked, and shook her head with a sigh
“Don’t be dumb, Claude. You don’t need to thank me for something like that. You should know by now I’ll have your back when I can, alright? No matter if that’s from swords, axes, arrows, or info”
~~
And then a few days/a week later, when Judith comes and gets Claude and takes him back to Deidriu to sit in on the Roundtable, Judith brings Nico along too so she can then fly Claude back (so Judith doesn’t have to make the trip there and back again)
And Nico realises that every time she’s spoken Almyran in front of Claude, he’s understood it. And she starts trying to remember all the things she’s said in front of him, and remembers the whole “We could always bribe these three with the literal Prince’s ransom I’ve been offered to track down the youngest prince if you want me to go take that job?” conversation from after Remire
So she goes to find him, and they have a little conversation where she asks him if that was why he didn’t like her at the start of the year, and he’s annoying and reminds her he’s not meant to do or say anything to confirm either way anything she suspects, and she’s very grrrrr at him because he has a point but also she can tell he’s being a wind up, till he laughs and says yeah, he understood what she said, and while he knew she worked for Judith and she’d said she worked for Gramps, he didn’t know how far her loyalty would last when she was worried about keeping Byleth and her chest rock away from the monastery
And oooooooh, fuck. She’d forgotten she’d talked about that. Yeah, no, not acknowledging that he just said that, moving on
~~
There’s then what would probably be a B support that happens at the White Heron Ball, but I need to rewrite that because I wrote it ages ago and I don’t know if it’ll fit in with various changed I’ve made to the rest now, but tl:dr is Claude asks Nico what she plans to do after they graduate, Nico says not sure, depends what Byleth and Shez do, but probably go back to working for Lady Daphnel at least part of the time, and Claude asks if she’d want to come work for him maybe?
And She kinda does… but she’s got this whole thing about not flirting with people who pay her, and she was really looking forward to trying to flirt with him a little after she wasn’t being paid to kinda look after/keep an eye on him or do whatever he asks her to?
Que conversation where they talk around how they both feel about that, with a few hypotheticals thrown around by both of them ;3
Sylvain:
So what would be their C support (where Sylvain takes her on a date and she doesn’t realise it’s a date because he reminds her so much of one of her troupe cousins and has unconsciously fallen into the sort of banter she has with that cousin) is a giant mess of half formed ideas and half written conversations which I can’t share
But their B- support happens after the Gronder fight, because Nico did something stupid to save some people from the troupe as the students made their way back towards the monastery and completely drained herself of magic and gets stuck in bed (she shares a room with Byleth because reasons) and is bored -
Nico is stuck in bed for 3 days after they get back. She is bored stupid, but light and sounds are still hurting, and she can only just get herself up and to the toilet without help, so classes are out of the question. But she's finding Manuela was right, and stuffing her face with as many cakes and sweets and sugar as possible is helping immensely, and she's getting plenty of them whenever people visit her
She's laying in bed trying to focus on a book Ashe and Ingrid recommended to her when someone knocks on the door, then opens it without waiting for a reply. It's Sylvain carrying a tray loaded with a tea set and covered plates. He puts it down on the side table Byleth found for exactly that, since she can't even handle going to the dining hall to eat, while Nico slowly gets herself sat up
"You could have waited for me to say come in," she scolds playfully, trying not to laugh at his pout and puppy eyes. "What if I was getting changed or something?"
His pout turns into a crooked grin, and his eyebrows dance a few times.
"Then I would have enjoyed the free show," he smarms, and laughs as he dodges the small cushion she throws at him. "Careful. You'll knock over the tea"
"Uh huh. So. Not that I'm complaining, but who are you using me as an excuse to hide from?"
"What?" he draws out, playing at being offended, the doofus. "Can't I visit my dear bed bound friend without having some sort of ulterior motive?"
"I don't know. Can you?"
He manages to hold his fake offended expression for a few seconds against her flatly amused one, before he laughs, shaking his head as he settles on the edge of the bed
"Ingrid was trying to get me to train with her, but I really was planning on coming to see you anyway. Wondered if you wanted to practice chess, but you don't look entirely with it"
- Sylvain ends up sitting/laying next to her in the bed and letting her lean against him as he reads to her since she's having trouble focusing but the book has occasional pictures she likes to look at, and somehow he's way more comfy than Byleth to lay on??? She thinks it's the boobs, she tells Sylvain solemnly, and it sets him off laughing so hard he has to lay back with his arm over his face for a minute or two. He keeps having to nudge her to remind her to eat because she's sort of dozing off, and refilling her tea and making her drink
- Byleth comes in the room, looking like she’s been in the training hall, and her brow goes up when she sees them, making them both laugh. Byleth starts moving around the room putting her things away, and Nico scoots over towards the wall, tugging Sylvain, and tells By to join them, Sylvain's doing storytime. Sylvain tries to protest, because this seems kinda weird, but Nico pouts at him and asks "Why, don't you want to share a bed with two beautiful ladies?"
"Yeah Sylvain," Byleth agrees in an even more deadpan than usual voice while her eyes sparkle with mischief, walking back to the bed and leaning down next to them, one hand resting on the headboard. "I thought you'd jump at the chance to get us both in bed?"
"Do I need to come back later?" Shez's flat voice drifts in from the doorway, surprising all of them, and Nico is the first to burst out laughing only to immediately wince and stop and clutch her head, burying her face again Sylvain with a groan
Byleth keeps laughing lightly as she grabs Shez before he can leave, dragging him and the fresh tray of tea and cakes into the room. Nico groans again when she sees it, turning her face back into Sylvain's shoulder
"I hate to admit it, but I'm getting kinda tired of cakes. I think I maybe even want a vegetable"
Shez gasps, and she opens an eye to glare at the overly shocked face he's making
"Who are you and where's the real Nico?"
- Shez ends up joining them and sitting at the foot of the bed and all three of them bully Sylvain into continuing story time
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Part 2 of Half sibling mix up.
So I'm browsing on Facebook one day and realise I’ve been sent a message by the other half brother, I wouldn’t mind but he’s NEVER had anything to do with me? he sends me a msg at 4am asking me to add him to snap chat random. I stupidly do and a couple of days later he asks who I am? I then pretty much realise that he clearly was either drunk or was confused at who at that time in the morning who he had messaged.
I believe he had to follow it through and then pretended to want something to do with me he then spent some months talking about how we should meet we also exchanged mob numbers. We were at the time in the middle of a pandemic so I really didn’t understand why anyone was wanting to meet up? They live at least 1hour or more away so I was a bit confused as to why we should all of a sudden meet but as I'm about to disclose I realised once again but this time by the other brother I was going to be taken for a ride.
The two of them came up meet me and my family and we went to my home where I lived with my mum. upon arrival this guy starts a convo about remembering me when I was a little girl, I was like excuse you my dear you are younger then me! how can someone tell a story about MY christening and how they were in the car when they weren’t even born until another 4 years! clearly the mum had prep him up to say such nonsense. As we sat down it was just a long convo between him and my mum the other one who is suppose to be the oldest out of them who doesn’t know how to communicate sits there doesn’t say a single word to me the entire time.
Time started to pass and my belly was rumbling so we went back to my Grans house where they meet us first, on the way there mum took them round the long way back to see my area she told me to call the older one as I was calling his phone it kept ringing and ringing no answer? As to my surprise the guy had once again changed his number and had the audacity to come down and knowing of his sheer ignorance still doing the same things of the past. I just remember glaring at him across the table of my family home and thinking if he thinks I'm going to continue to be treated like this he can think again!
We had dinner and my cousin who was also down decided to take pictures I just want to add I took photos of them on my phone they had their phones and didn’t once take a single photo of me! they then both asked for it to be sent to them and here is when mr ignorant has to confess ‘Oh I have a different number’ what a surprise, oh shock. In a different convo my cousin then says my boy cousin whom I'm close with, that it would be good idea if they all meet him. He sat there and says ‘ Wait who’s, (my cousin’s name)’ all I thought as I sat there was someone I will never let you meet, if I could help it! The way he had treated me I don’t think so I'm very protective over my family on this side plus he is the only thing close to a brother to me.
After a few hours they ate and left, I heard from them from time to time, the one who wanted to meet kept falsely advertising to come up and never showed up and when myself and my mum said we would come down he then put up a front and talked about ‘Oh no, I'll come down’ I didn’t mind if they never wanted to meet again but it was the lies that kept being told.
One day after the queen’s jubilee after the one who arranged to meet, had once again called me to meet lied again. I found myself sending a text telling him stop arranging to falsely meet this guy was as nasty but yet big mouthed as the ignorant one, he starts bringing up personal things about me in argument and then had the audacity to say I'm not here to argue. Before this argument this guy had to the nerve to call me and before hand text me telling me how his girlfriend and himself were looking at houses in my area, 6 mins away to be precise. So there it is the real reason you wanted to meet not because you wanted to meet me, he also ran his mouth so much he said how his mum also wanted to move, that's funny if you’ve never been to an area before why would you be moving here?
I briefly spoke to him after this wishing him a happy birthday as I wasn’t brought up the same way as him and also wished the other his which is a month after. The ignorant one then decided because one day when he text me after I had worked my 6 days in a row and was completely knacked. That I just didn't text him back fast enough and with enough convo so early in the morning made it again his duty to block me! This time I wanted it to be for good, that he didn't message me, 3 months later this guy decides from a new number he would just simply send a text saying ‘Hi’ something else he had previously in text messaged, which I found to be very strange. I never replied back in fact never pushed through the WhatsApp msg and 2 months later a new number different message more abrupt saying ’Hello’ nothing else no explanation as to who it was I was just suppose to know, I think he wanted me to play the game of who is it.
I went through a series of messages from him going back years where he on and off again started convos and ended them and you know what I realised, this guy hadn’t even noted down my birthday, never knew, even the big mouthed one straight away knew when that was on snap chat when we were talking. It was all about him he could contact me when he wanted to, pick up where he left off either through a new app or my number which he kept.
To conclude when God is showing you who someone is please pay attention to the red flags a week after meeting with them God spoke to me and said ‘That meeting was Not about you’ nether of these guys had any good intentions for knowing me I don’t know why and personally I don’t care but one things for sure and two things for certain nether will hear from me in future or be getting back in touch with me!
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1529
How old were you when you met your first love?
I was 13 when we were first introduced, although I knew the person way before that - since kinder, to be exact.
Are you taking this survey in a place other than your home?
Nope, I’m home this time. I’m currently in my room.
Did you get ice cream from the ice cream truck when you were little? Do they still have an ice cream truck where you live?
We don’t have ice cream trucks here; they come either in tricycles (if it’s branded ice cream) or in these colorful pushcarts (if it’s dirty ice cream). I will hear an ice cream jingle go around the neighborhood every once in a while, but I never buy because I’m not a big fan of ice cream anyway
What has been the most traumatic experience of your life? Does it still bother you?
It has to be that incident with my grandpa and my cousin who was still a baby at the time, when the former got super intoxicated. I don’t want to narrate it all over again ever again, but things escalated very fast. Fortunately I was the sole witness so I was able to call on my relatives to run over; unfortunately I was the sole witness and I feel sorry towards my 9 year old self for having that miserable responsibility of making sure the situation didn’t worsen.
Yes, I think it will forever stay with me. I love my grandpa, who’s now passed on, but my feelings will always be conflicted one way or another; and I visit that cousin every weekend, so every time I see him I will be lying if I said I don’t get taken back to that incident.
Who was the last person in your family to graduate high school? Was it you?
It was my brother and the above ^ cousin. Both graduated this year.
Have you ever been to Disneyland?
Nopes.
Your last ex finds out you’ve fallen in love with another person?
I haven’t, and I can’t give a hoot what she would think if I did. That ship has sailed a really long time ago and we lead our own lives now.
What is the last non-alcoholic beverage you had?
Coffee that I actually made last night, lmao. But I fell asleep too early with the mug barely consumed, so I’m drinking out of it now instead.
What would happen if you had a baby with the last person you kissed?
It wouldn’t be possible.
Has the last person you kissed met your family?
My entire immediate family and some extended family, yes.
Why are you doing this survey?
It’s been bookmarked in my likes for a time and I wanted to take it.
Don’t you hate it when your cell phone dies in the middle of a convo?
It gets bothersome but the irritation is more towards myself than the phone since it’s my fault that I waited long enough for the phone to die anyway.
When people fill out your surveys, do you read their answers?
I don’t make my own surveys, but yeah most of the ones I take these days are lifted from what others have taken so I take the time to read the answers.
Have you ever had to cancel a bank account?
Nope, but I think one of my bank accounts has been automatically cancelled since I had emptied it out at one point and stopped using it after. I have no way of knowing if it’s been cancelled, though, because I’ve forgotten my password LOL
Was the last conversation you had an argument?
Nope, I was just mentioning some of my work to my sister.
If you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today?
No. I don’t feel nowhere near ready to be married at 24.
Would you run down the street naked if it meant earning $15,000?
Yeah, I don’t think being naked is a big deal lmao especially when there’s that amount of money involved.
Would you date someone three years older than you?
I’ve no clue if I would; I don’t really know what my preferences are, honestly. My only experience is with someone who’s the same age. But if we vibe well and I’m really into this hypothetical older person, I don’t see the issue in dating them.
When was the last time you had Starbucks?
Last week.
Who was the last friend you added on Facebook?
A high school classmate who must’ve made a second account, because I remember already being Facebook friends with them in the past.
Are you in love?
Nope.
Where was the last place you got completely wasted?
My birthday weekend with Hans, Angela, and Reena at Zambales. Not only did I end up really drunk, I also sprained my ankle and had to be nursed by the same people we ended up having a good time with the night before (who, very fortunately, happened to be members of a rowing team and had a first aid kit ready).
How long was your longest make out?
Idk man. And I’d rather not look back.
What if you were pregnant and the last person you kissed was the father?
I kissed a girl last.
Do you want to dance?
Erm not right now, no.
How has the week been?
Great! Work was on the lighter side - still busy, of course, but manageable - and I get to enjoy a day off today because my workplace declared a company-wide mental health break day. I’m seeing a friend for dinner later on so couldn’t be more excited for this long weekend.
Have you ever changed the prices of items at a store?
No and does that even work tf?
In your opinion, which hurts more physical or emotional pain?
Both hurt the same, just manifested differently. I’ve never found it fair to compare.
When did summer break start for you?
I’ve stopped looking forward to summer breaks/vacations since ending school two years ago.
What else are you doing right now?
I’m listening to music and occasionally patting Cooper and taking a sip from my coffee.
When was the last time you drank alcohol? What was it?
Two Thursdays ago when I was in the afterparty for one of our events.
Speaking of toast, what do you eat on yours?
Continued from the previous morning. Not a big eater of toast; I only ever have it at breakfast buffets in hotels as far as I know lol. In any case, just butter is fine. I find more satisfaction in the burntness(?) of the toast rather than the toppings.
Do you own an iPod/mp3 player? What kind?
I used to use an iPod Nano, the 4th gen one. I still have it in that I haven’t thrown it out, but I haven’t used it since high school.
Are you going to any concerts or festivals this summer?
No. I wanted to go to the Seventeen concert in October, but I LARGELY underestimated how intense the ticket demand was going to be. I’ll let the bigger fans and those more deserving enjoy the show.
If not, are there any you really want to go to?
I really want to go to Jessi’s concert next month but I don’t think I’d be able to give myself a good time (and act as good enough a fan) because I only know like 3 or 4 songs of hers. It’s the same sitch as Seventeen where I’d be happy letting the bigger and more deserving fans attend.
When’s your birthday?
April 21st.
When was the last time you got drunk/high? What happened?
I drank last night but I did it so slowly I don’t think I ever got even tipsy at any point hahaha. That being said, the last time I felt a legit Buzz was sometime in May I think was it? Early June? when my workmates and I went to this speakeasy.
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mid-week
to follow up with my last post, i’m less emotionally distressed. i hate having some kind of unresolved conflict while being cross country with matt. i automatically felt better once he landed in LA on tuesday. i haven’t seen him in person yet; our new thing is to take things more “chill” (or as much as they can be), have more alone time, and not jam pack our schedules.
the last time we came back to LA (and I came back first), matt went to the ER. this time around i felt on edge and worried about him given what happened last time. thank god we are learning healthier patterns, and thank god for gabbie his therapist that he really benefits from.
upcoming plans: very late movie night tonight at 10:45pm in pasadena with matt, his bro and his dad to watch flash to celebrate his brother’s birthday. my family dinner to celebrate my cousin’s elementary school grad and my other cousin’s birthday at my aunt’s house tmr, wedding on sunday, dimsum with work friends on juneteenth, and delayed father’s day celebration on tuesday.
the gods may have heard me, because a few good things happened since. matt had two interviews yesterday (one was spontaneous) and they seem like pretty good opportunities that are mostly in line with what he’s seeking. other places are also starting to respond to his inquiries.
also, my director finally informed me that the new position is now posted. i worked on my resume late tuesday and submitted my application yesterday. i still don’t know how this process is going to work as it seems they can’t explicitly say “i’ll hand you the job”. the JD seems like it’s written for me because it includes the work they have asked me to pick up in the past year. my director said the process depends on if there are other applicants. the range for this position is very wide: $67-155k. considering the other promotions i’ve seen recently in our department, i would be content to be bumped up to $80k.
my bro and SIL are facing different problems than matt and i - we are opposite ends of the spectrum. my dad is guiding my SIL into buying a donut shop business. her track record shows she’s not very hardworking and prefers not to do any hard labor (i.e. work in store). she’s more about being an owner and having others work in place of her. they also spent the earnings from previous years and do not have enough assets currently to secure the business loan, as my brother is also unemployed and there are no income streams. my dad will have to sign as a guarantor. today he had a long (one sided) convo with my bro explaining that they need to get their act together financially, that they can’t rely on parents for survival and that they both need to start working immediately. my parents are happy to babysit for them if both are working.
matt and i are very hardworking (matt moreso) in comparison, but we also absorb more stress/pressure and our mental health is suffering. financially, we are great. day-to-day peace and being able to “chill”, not so much. it did make me feel bad these years to have such a stark contrast, that our unit is working very hard to support ourselves and to create better opportunities for the future, and to compare our sacrifices to my bro & SIL who are mostly chilling and reliant on my parents for help financially and otherwise. i’m excited for the months to come, to see both of them being employed and for us to have more equilibrium.
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pt 2
sorry i got a bit busy for a few seconds but im back
but then my family was like okay amina we’re going to go spend 3 days on an island with my cousins family and his family and i was like *voice crack* slay. so anyways i am NERVOUS and excited and like when i get there after like a 12 hour journey he’s one of the first to come and greet me and like he gives me a big hug and we walk up to the door and we’re just falling straight into conversation like its not been TWO years since we’ve seen eachother in person and he’s holding the luggage i was carrying and. HELP
and then like truly idk the little weekend trip with everyone was a banger. i met his parents and his littlest siblings and like i’ve known his sisters but my god i love his family so much too and they genuinely are so so sweet BUT ANYWAYS NOT THE POINT.
the point is like i think that not seeing him made me like him more. NO because listen we just had such a nice time. and i was shyer i think but at the same time we had a few nice long convos (mind u there were 23 ppl in that house i could not only spend time with him) but like moments hmm...when we were all in the pool at night he called me over and was telling me about how i should look at the stars while submerging half my head in the water and we just watched the stars in the heated pool. babes what. oh also the next day his younger sister and my younger sister were being little menaces (affectionate) while we were all in the pool and kept trying to put us together and at one point he clung onto his sister and was actuvely trying to drown her. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN.
and he is too sweet. he is so sweet to my younger siblings like what. and he’s funny and cute. MAD CUTE. u know when u like someone and like u notice all the little things. his arms. and he’s as they say in england fit. and idk what to do because i have not stopped thinking about him.
and obviously like we’re both muslim and algerian and our families know eachother well so if anything did happen it would be slow. which i don’t mind. but my god sometimes he says things that just. like i posted about some bread we were trying out for eid and he texted me about it and we were talking about it and then he mentioned something about when he comes we’ll make it together??? and then also on eid i was talking to him on video and we were talking about his hair and then he said when he comes back he thought i should dye his hair for him??
ANYWAYS most recent update we were talking about school and then i mentioned i wanted to be a writer when i was younger and i had written stuff before and (OKAY THEY were embarrassing) but he said he wanted to read them and i was DENYING THAT FROM HAPPENING and then he was so sweet and like extra and mentioned he didn’t want to make me uncomfortable at all and i was LIKE NO don;t worry at all but i told him i’d let him read them when he came cuz i wanted to see his reaction. HELP
i just wrote an essay on him. what have i become. anyways this is for asma cuz she wanted me to write part 2. here u go asma NOW TELL ME ABOUT UR MAN.
sincerely,
amina who needs some love advice.
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manager-chan >:)
(nekoma x manager! reader)
heyy~ 🤠 im back lollz. i was bored when i made this, and was craving it too. also, want the masterlist?
✎ warnings: a lil cursing. if you notice something, pls tell me :]
✎ word count: around 700 words
✎ also-! fem! reader:)
first of all, they love you sm ≧◡≦
cannot explain that enough
OKAY lets continue
you didn’t plan on being their manager at first but it was worth it 🥺🥺
you were just lev’s really cool friend who took good care of him like a really cool cousin, yk :))
lev suggested that you become their manager
so you thought about it, and did it :DD
when you showed up,,, OH LAWD
they were so happy- AGHAHFHSG
it was mainly yamamoto who showed it tho
it was funny cuz kuroo forced everyone to calm down since he didn’t want to scare you away
its been a while since they had a manager yk o(╥﹏╥)o
(its 1:11 am and im just spewing out whatever i feel like)
when its break time and you just wanna finish some homework you usually stay with kenma, you find the sounds from his game comforting
when you need help with your hw tho, you can count on kuroo to help you out :))
feel sad? no worries fukunaga and yamamoto got you covered (●´ω｀●)
hehe, watch them talk about that time fukunaga had to throw water at tora and kenma loll
there are times when you walk to school with lev and get distracted by the cats
how do you even explain that to them. to be fair they were cute
lev: “manager-chan! yaku kicked my shin D:“
yaku: “WELL THEN MAYBE YOU SHOULD STOP COMMENTING ON MY HEIGHT”
lev: “i wasn’t trying to be mean, yaku-san ( ︺︹︺)”
literally theres been so many times that this happened and you just dont know what to do about it anymore-
sometimes when they’re sweaty they wipe the sweat off with their shirt
and youre like- >:(
you: “guys! dont use your shirt that has germs on it, you know. use a towel >:)“
you proceed to make then bend down (if you’re shorter than them) so that you could dab the sweat off for them (￣ｰ￣)
THEY GO CRAZY,,, LIKE AHHH OUR MANAGER IS SO SWEET
AND SHE CARES ABOUT HYGIENE TOO :DD
now they always wipe their sweat with their shirt so that you’ll get mad and do it yourself lol
this is getting quite long, at least for me
during competitions they don’t let you out of their sight because THEY JUST KNOW SOMEONE WILL LOOK AT YOU
THEY CAN FEEL IT- (⊙︿⊙)
training camp time :D
tora was SO ready to show you off
tora: “check out our new manager, tanaka! shes a bad bitch, and she’ll mess up your day if you do something wrong >:)”
tanaka: “where- i dont see her”
you: *is once again petting a cat you saw with lev*
yes, very much bad bitch of you
ok but like can you imagine yamamoto and tanaka just competing over who’s manager is cooler. all managers are cool tho, fr
and nishinoya being tanaka’s personal hype man
but you see, tora knew just what to do to prove that you were the best manager
tora: “manager-chan~ come here“ *proceeds to “accidentally” wipe his sweat off with his shirt*
you: “toraaaa! i told you to stop doing that >:(”
tora: *is smirking cuz he knows damn well whats about to happen*
you take his towel and gesture for him to get closer
he just has this really smug face
lowkey everyone was watching cuz of how loud they were arguing
you proceed to dab his sweat off like a stressed out mother then walk away to continue your convo with yukie and kaori
nishinoya got so quiet GAHGDJHGD
and tanaka just- 🧍♂️
when the barbecue came you were lowkey so happy cuz like- BBQ! >:))
you sat with all the other managers this time, and you got to talk to kiyoko and yachi
IMMEDIATELY BEST FRIENDS
even if youre personalities vary, ya’ll are the coolest friend group 😎✨
you guys even have a groupchat where you managers just roast the shit out of your teams
you lowkey caught tora with tanaka and nishinoya vowing to protect you from the other players 😭✋
you walked away like 🕳👩🦯
when the training camp ended and everyone was in the bus already
it was just really quiet, and they were all just thinking
i’d like to think that the training camp was when they realized that they were very lucky to have you as their manager
this was rushed because i wanted to get it done before i get unmotivated again. longest one i’ve ever made so far :))
i got the gif from here
#THIS WAS REALLY BAD#i'm so sorry#GAHSHHS#haikyu x reader#haikyuu x manager#nekoma x manager#nekoma x reader#nekoma! manager#haikyu fluff#haikyu scenarios#haikyu hcs#kenma x reader#kuroo x reader#lev haiba x reader
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Boys Do Cry remake of The Cure classic launches campaign to arrest male suicide rate
Rapper Dallas Woods has lost loved ones to suicide. Now, he’s joined a remake of a famous song from The Cure to show men they can get help before it’s too late.
First Nations rapper Dallas Woods is “sick of going to funerals”. He’s lost too many family members and friends to suicide, boys and young men who couldn’t ask for help when they needed it because they felt it was a “burden”.
He is on a mission to break down the taboo of putting up a brave front instead of seeking help with the Boys Do Cry campaign, launched this week with a remake of The Cure’s famous song featuring a choir of 30 men from different walks of life.
“Real men get help and real men do cry, I wish I had that convo with my brothers in the sky,” he raps in the emotional piano-driven remake.
Dallas Woods on the set of Boys Do Cry, the new Australian mental health campaign. Picture: David Collins.
In that verse, Woods, who grew up in the Kimberley in Western Australia, which he said has one of the highest rates of suicide per capita in the world, speaks directly to the loved ones he has lost, the cousin who took his life when the rapper was just 11 through to the best mate he was texting on the day he died.
“I’d lost a lot of mates around that time but that was the one that blew my mind because I was texting him that day, I was meant to see him. One minute he’s there, happy as, there was no indication … sometimes you know people are going through some stuff but he was literally the life of the party, the glow in the room,” Woods said.
“It really was the first time I questioned ‘What the actual hell … why?’”
The choir with the team behind the rework of The Cure’s Boys Don't Cry. Picture: David Collins.
The Boys Do Cry campaign was created by advertising executive Simon Lee, who took 30 years to confront his chronic anxiety, and in conjunction with The University of Melbourne’s Centre for Mental Health and Gus Worland’s mental fitness foundation Gotcha4Life.
In the last 12 months in Australia 2384 men have taken their own lives. That’s an average of seven men every day, making suicide the leading cause of death in Australian males aged 15-49.
youtube
British-born Lee said the “stiff upper lip” mantra he grew up with also permeates Australian culture” and does not “produce emotionally balanced men who are comfortable to emote.”
“Before I had therapy, my fear was if I went deep inside myself to examine what was going on, the sense I had was this fear of murky darkness, this writhing kraken of the deep waiting down there,” he said.
“When you start peeling back the layers, it wasn’t as scary or dark as I thought it was and the knot in my stomach loosened and the ongoing negative dialogue in my head relaxed a little bit.”
The choir circle at the Boys Do Cry shoot. Picture: David Collins
The music video has already been tested by the The University of Melbourne Centre for Mental Health as part of the Buoy Project to identify effective suicide prevention interventions for boys and men.
Preliminary findings from their random controlled trial of the Boys Do Cry clip found “men were more likely to say they would seek help if they were struggling.”
Woods has spent the past 14 years, alongside his music career, working on social and emotional wellbeing health campaigns in more than 300 remote and urban indigenous communities and sees Boys Do Cry as a pivotal moment in the mission to arrest male suicide rates.
“Out of the Kimberley, I’ve been able to get to the resources and the people to help me through my own journey of healing and now we have to normalise that, not let it keep being normal to not do anything about it,” he said.
IF YOU NEED HELP PLEASE CALL:
Lifeline Australia – 13 11 14 (available 24/7)
Text 0477 13 11 14
Chat online: lifelife.org.au (7pm-midnight)
Kids Helpline – 1800 55 1800
Kidshelpline.com.au
Beyond Blue – 1300 224 636 (available 24/7)
#Youtube#article#text#interview#mental heath support#help#boys do cry#dallas woods#the cure#robert smith#boys don't cry#video#music#alternative rock#80s music#2020s#2021
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12, 21, 19
(Is this late? Oops. Sorry!)
12: Favourite character to write about this year
Stephanie Brown, easy. She's my spirit animal, so I might be doing a touch of projecting, but I honestly don't care. She's just pure chaos in the best way. Some of my favourite lines that I've written are for her. Such as:
"What's up bitches? I brought donuts!"
"My waffles await!"
"FEAR ME!"
"Welcome to Steph’s Glitter Bomb Palace, Where Snitches get Stitches™! So don’t tell Bruce or I’ll sic Jason on you."
She's also the character I've gotten the most comments on. People really seen to enjoy how I write her!
A close second would be Duke Thomas. Bliss, a fic I wrote for the 2020 Duke Week, was one of my favourites! Or maybe Damian? His dialogue just comes easy to me.
21: Most memorable comment/review
the batfamily exist:
everyone: is,,is that allowed?
On Code Orange (Batfam/Young Justice Crossover)
*Or*
I have wanted to read a DCU/MCU crossover for a VERY long time. This story is such a delight. Your characterisation (and for me an introduction to The Signal) was fascinating in the extreme. I loved the game playing and the fact that I could watch (open-mouthed) as Bruce Wayne enjoyed childlike fun with his children and Alfred(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) was the cherry on top of the icing on top of the cake. I look forward to your updates in a way that you wouldn't believe.
On Batfam/Avengers Crossover
19: Any new fics to start next year
Oh boy. So many. You know what? Here's a list. It'll be good to get these ideas out. Plus, you guys can tell me what you'd rather see first!
Gen/just Batfam
Crack fic based off this piece of dialogue (came from a convo between my sister and I): Tim reached forward and poked Duke's face. "You're right!" He exclaimed. "You really *do* squish like a block of wood!" Duke Centric.
Based on THIS Incorrect Quotes. Talia moves into the Manor because she's sick of Ra's. Featuring a bunch of good mom!Talia.
Based off THIS Incorrect Quotes. Jason runs for President as Red Hood. I have so many ideas! This'll be really fun.
Loosely based on THIS post. It explores Jason and Cassandra's relationship, and how it evolves.
Duke Thomas Big Bang Fic (can't say much, but it'll be great!)
Platonic (need to be certain you understand that. There were some misconceptions w/ my Discord server) Slow Burn between Tim and Damian. At the beginning the absolutely despise each other. But over time they realise their own insecurities, and how they don't actually hate the other. And by the end they fully admit and embrace their being brothers.
Reverse Robins with Damian as the oldest (I made THIS post talking about it a while back. But I've highly revised it.)
Reverse Robins with Duke as the oldest (I wrote THIS fic, but I think I want to change this into a series!)
Cassandra as Batman. Stephanie as Catwoman. Carrie Kelley as Robin.
5 Times Bette Kane was the mastermind behind the batkids' pranks without Bruce's knowledge, and 1 Time her brilliance was brought to light.
5 Times Duke thought that he couldn't possibly get any more siblings and 1 Time he met the cousins (AKA: Duke meets the extended family)
Birdflash
Birdflash in the JL/JLU universe (based off that one hexagon by @novaviis ! Super fun!). The league is inviting potential members to the Watchtower one day. Except Wally wasn't there during the choosing of said members. So he's completely shocked when his husband Nightwing shows up. They have to act like they don't know each other, which basically involves Dick flirting his butt off with Wally, Wally trying desperately to remain professional, Bruce digging in the corner, the rest of the League in varying degrees of disapproval and confusion (at least a couple have seen Wally's wedding ring. So that adds a while 'nother layer).
Young Justice soulmate au. Dick, and eventually everyone else, knows that Wally is his soulmate. Wally is oblivious. Lots of pining and angst in this one. Slow burn to an extent (depends on how long I make it). But definitely a happy fluffy ending in sight!
Batfam Meets Young Justice
THIS fic.
Duke gets yeeted into the YJ universe, and promptly passes out. He wakes up in the Watchtower, and breaks out of the confinement the Team has set up for him. Pulls shenanigans (some unwittingly) and used his powers. The Team and JL are confused, and panicking. Because this guy keeps muttering things about the Batfam. And he has a bat on his chest.
The Team break into some ancient temple after getting info on a new Supervillian plot. They find purple clothed woman draped across a throne. She talks, and they panic, as she knows all their secret identities. The only one who isn't, is Tim. He looks bored. Alternatively: Steph needs Tim's credit card to take his sister out on a date, and absolutely refuses to text.
While the Team is on a mission to stop Lady Shiva, a dimensional portal opens up and spits out a strange Robin (Damian) and what seemed to be a female Batman (Cass as Black Bat). This new dynamic due promptly defeats Lady Shiva and all the goons. The Team is freaked out, and 'apprehends' the dimensional anomalies, bringing them back to the Watchtower. Where the due promptly break and and start chaos. Featuring "Toxic" by Britney Spears. I will not explain why.
The Watchtower gets a sudden emergency message from the Batcave. They accept, to find a stranger calling himself Signal panicking about Robin being missing. They all look at Tim, who ignores them, and says that he doesn't know where Robin is. Some naming shenanigans occur.
(Not sure if this fits here, oh well) Set in Season One, Bruce is tired of Clark's attitude towards Superboy, and adopts the clone himself. Not sure how far this'll go, but at least goes through Dick's time as Robin. (Based on THIS Tumblr post)
(Also iffy on placement) a continuation of one (not sure which? Probably Damian as older) Reverse Robins fics. It's a retelling of Season One of YJ, with Dick as Robin. Nightwing (Damian) feels protective of his brother, and so takes on the role Black Canary had in the show, training the Team. But as time goes on, he ends up being more of a big brother to the group. Cameos from the rest of the Batfam as well! And an Identity Reveal (including finding out Dick and Dami are brothers) at the end!
Batfam Meets the Justice League
Cass takes over being Batman for a bit, because Bruce was an idiot and broke his leg. This happens to line up with when the Justice League reach out to the Dark Knight, in order to extend an invitation to the league. They eventually meet Bruce as Batman, and are confused as to why he is so tall. And male.
Joyfire
Lian accidentally reveals her three parents' relationship by calling Bruce 'grandpa' over dinner.
Museum Heist
THIS fic
Operation: Seduce Nightwing. Based on a post for an ATLA ot3, Wally and Artemis realise silumaneously “Hey, we kinda have the hots for Dick” and decide together to see if he likes them back. Which involves a heck ton of over the top flirting, and shenanigans. The Team is sighing on the sidelines at their idiocy. Dick is internally combusting and thinking “Do they like me back? I’’m not sure.”
5 times Dick and Wally fought over being the middle spoon, and one time Artemis had had enough.
Set in Season 3 (but ignores some canon), Bart is kidnapped by some mad scientist obsessed with the Speed Force. The Team mobilizes, and gets Bart back from the evil base. But when they get there, they find Wally West freed from the Speed Force. He and Artemis reunite, and everyone is happy. They prepare to leave. Then the Pick-up Squad arrive in the bioship, and Dick gets out. Everyone is expecting Dick to give Wally a hug, because hey, he's his best friend! What they weren't expecting was him to run forward and pull the speedster into a passionate kiss. They go back to the Watchtower, and some more stuff happens.
Soulmate AU where the first thing your soulmate says to you after they fall in love with you is tattooed on your body.
Post Season Two Get Together. Starts with Artemis living with Dick as opposed to Will. Might be Slow Burn? (They come pretty close to kissing) Eventually Wally comes back. Arty and Wally are back together. They both live in the same house as Dick, for convenience. Then some more Slow Burn happens. Maybe some Birdflash moments. Arty tells Wally she kinda had a thing for Dick. Wally admits the same. Maybe a touch more Slow Burn. They Eventually get together.
Batlantern
AU where Bruce met Hal back when he first came back to Gotham. Fic goes through how their relationship evolves over the years (up until current time, when Damian is 13). I'm considering a relationship reveal with the Justice League.
Hal's interactions with Bruce's kids.
Green Lantern Corp acting protective of Hal when Bruce comes to Oa. This was an ask that I got, and I'm holding off on writing it till I get as much into on the GL's as possible, as all I know if their characterization comes from that animated series, and Guy Gardener's (Hilarious!) parts on Young Justice.
Marvel
Like 3 different versions of the Peter Parker Field Trip to Stark Tower Trope.
2-part Crossover with the Batfam (they exist in the same universe), where the Avengers go to a Wayne Gala, and interact with the family. The second chapter involves them heading out the next night to try and contact Batman.
THIS fic.
#Pepper answers#Ask#batfam#dc#fanfiction#birdflash#joyfire#museum heist#batlantern#stephcass#young justice#young justice cartoon#marvel#the avengers#duke thomas#stephanie brown#cassandra cain#bette kane#damian wayne#tim drake#kate kane#jason todd#dick grayson#bruce wayne#wally west#artemis crock#roy harper#koriand'r#lian harper#hal jordon
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gonna claim this emoji if no one has yet: 🃏 (the joker card i think… LOL) i’ve been a silent anon sending asks here ‘n there hehe but not anymore!!!
this is not holivia/harry related but i kinda just wanna rant, if that’s alright? i feel beyind safe here with all the anons and the mod who make this space so open and comfortable to feel and talk about things haha
i may ramble so i don’t even know where to start tbh but i have these two friends who i consider my bestest friends ever (almost sisters at this point) who i’ve known for over a year now. we’re internet friends and they’ve met a few times since they live on a few states away from one another (while im on the west coast) and sometimes i just feel like the outlier, or really “the friend who walks on the grass” in our friend group. if there’s some kind of animosity happening in the gc or im being distant bc of school, im the one who “doesn’t care about the friendship” or they think im “shutting them out”. we’ve had this convo like a few times about communicating and whatnot but somehow, it’s always me who is the problem. i agree with them when they say we’ve been drifting but sometimes it’s not just me who’s being distant but them as well and theyve acknowledged they need to work on it but it’s always me who is constantly apologizing for doing the “wrongdoing”. it’s always me who’s spending time reading their words to make sure im apologizing for hurting their feelings. it’s always me who’s trying to save the friendship? i messaged them an entire notes app paragraph about how them doing certain things gives me bad anxiety and they continued to do it after like one week lol.
there was an entire mishap today about an twitter account i have where i just rant to myself with no one else and have a non-harry tl and they got angry i didn’t include them in it. which i understand their pov but if no one else is on it (not a soul, just me), what makes you think i want anyone else on it? it’s nothing against them but i have close cousins i add on everything who i also consider my sisters and they’re not even on that twitter account…
they don’t really respect my boundaries after i’d told them certain things they do give me anxiety (which has gotten so much worse in general) example: ignoring my text messages for hours (even for the past two days) but continuing to be on social media even tho i texted the gc. yet they’re complaining im being distant or icing them out when they haven’t communicated if i’ve done something wrong…
i just feel so hopeless in this situation because i don’t have many other friends that i talk to and they’ve always been the closer pair in general. i’ve been dealing with so much in my life that i don’t talk about to them or anyone and my mind is just in constant overdrive with overthinking and doubts. i just feel like everyone is against me lately.
they claim they’re not trying to attack me or railroad me when this happens and we’ve hashed it out today but they’ve once again started ignoring me in the gc when im just trying to move on and get our lively, and happy gc back. and i have a gut feeling they texted each other personally the last two days they’ve been ignoring my messages in our gc like i should’ve guessed that they have, it’s kind of obvious lol.
sorry for rambling but honestly i kinda want some advice but i also just wanted to let all this out. im contemplating just deleting all social media (except tumblr and tiktok per usual) and staying off my phone to focus on school, maybe seek a therapist, etc. but at the same time, i don’t want to lose the some of only friends i have. im just not doing well right now and i don’t know what to do.
im so sorry for dumping this on you, mod, i just needed a place to rant 😭
looooove i’m so glad that you feel comfortable enough to share your personal thoughts and feelings with us <3
i totally understand what you are currently going through right now. this was me not too long ago and what i did was completely remove myself from that “friend group” and move on. i was also conflicted as they were my only friends but honestly, i found people who make me feel so much better about myself and include me in everything. that’s my best advice to you: distance yourself and move on.
i know it may seem hard because you think that they’re your only friends but really, you’ll find better people. trust me. and if you have a lot going on, take time for yourself first. your problems come before anyone else. take care of yourself and do what you need to do whether it’s talking to a therapist, meeting new people, talking to these friends, distancing yourself for a bit - whatever it is, just do what you think is best for you!
trust me when i say that once you figure yourself out, you will feel so much better. it may seem difficult now, you may be conflicted because you feel that you don’t have anyone else, but you will find other friends who will treat you better. it’s better to completely let go of people who make you feel guilty or upset than continue to be friends with them and allow them to treat you unfairly.
also, my messages are open if you need to talk or rant! you can shoot me a text anytime! always here for you 💛
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This is just me talking about (my) asexuality and aromanticism and mainly about how I figured I'm aroace. I'm from Finland and recently turned 30 so my experience and "lgbt+ history" might not be what you know it as, especially if you are not from Europe, or if your native language is English.
Also this is highly personal, so I doubt anyone here will have 100% same experience. But that's fine because remember: we're all individuals here and these are NEVER universal. You're still valid even if you wouldn't relate to what being aspec is to me.
It might be IS a long post so beware, but I've just been feeling like writing down some thoughts so here we go...
What I have been able to track is that I was 17, in 2008, when I first stumbled upon the term "asexuality". I don't remember exactly how, but I just remember reading about it and immediately going "yeah that's me". But what I do remember is that no one talked it being about sexual attraction. Basically how understood it was: asexuality = sex-repulsion.
I was 17, and somehow I knew I was sex-repulsed, but at the same time also thought I'm just a minor, so it's normal to be sex-repulsed. But even after turning 18, I don't recall ever feeling sexual attraction. I didn't think of myself as a "late bloomer" but just as someone who just has no interest towards sex. At some point I became really anxious of men, however. Nothing has ever happened to me* but still I, for some reason, developed terrible fear of men. I'm afab and just did not want to be seen as an object, and it made, still makes me, terrified to think someone might look at me and have Emotions. I know that we can't control our brains, I mean, I can't look at someone and force myself to feel attraction - just like those who do feel attraction, can't force themselves to stop feeling attraction. They can only control their actions. But yeah, I also had horrible (sexual) intrusive thoughts due to my generalized anxiety disorder at some point, which did not really help. They got a bit better when I came into terms with my asexuality and aromanticism, but sometimes they still come at me and it's never fun, but at least they're not as strong as what they used to be.
*(Unless if you can count that as sexual harrasment when, CW, I was 11 and a classmate was "into" me and tried to touch my face and talk "sweet things" to me but made it into a show despite me being uncomfortable and usually crying cos as a neurodivergent I didn't know how else to react.)
But anyway, back to the topic. So for years I understood asexuality as sex-repulsion, but I guess it's because I, well, am a sex-repulsed ace. So if I'm sex-repulsed, why would I then look at someone and feel something if I'm repulsed by the thing anyway? Like, it probably can't get any simpler than this :D And I know today that it's not as simple anymore. But that was 2008, at school (in ~2005) they only talked about gays a little, on one page in a sex.ed. book that otherwise was maybe 100 pages long. Only one page. About gays. And it was basically "Some boys like boys or some girls like girls and it's totally fine." and that was it, but the overall assumption was that everyone likes someone. And also there were no romantic orientations. Liking someone = both sexually and romantically. Not liking = not a thing except when you were depressed or otherwise mentally ill, or autistic or mentally disabled (which is a SUPER ableist take btw). I don't remember teachers ever talking about this, but it could also just be my adhd, maybe they did mention, but I just don't remember. At least in my notebooks there is no mention of this, everything was very much heteronormative and amatonormative, and also there was only two genders. I don't remember ever hearing about transgender people, apart from foreign documentaries and in them they were always portrayed as some shocking freaks of the nature, and loads of wrong terms were used. And this is still the mid and late 2000s we're talking about!
So this takes us to the other part aka aromanticism. Back then asexuality was not only sex-repulsion but also merged together with aromanticism, because people didn't talk about romantic orientations yet. So asexuality was not only sex-repulsion, but also you simply just not wanting a relationship. Again, nothing about attraction, just someone who did not care about sex nor relationships. A "forever single", if you will.
This was already annoying me a lot back then because I was really annoyed by sex "running the world". I was so angry because why is asexual the only sexuality that doesn't like sex? All the other sexualities had the assumption of them always wanting to have sex. Like, even think about someone who is straight, you hear that someone is straight, and you automatically assume(d) that oh they're into sex too cos why wouldn't they be. This was really driving me nuts because I was sure there are people who want to have a partner, but never want to have sex! I was still experiencing crushes, and I knew for sure it was nothing sexual, so it annoyed me that just because I'm asexual, it means I can't have crushes. That's why I actually called myself as "asexual bi" for a while, because "bisexual" indicated I would have not been sex-repulsed and I wanted to point out that I'm NOT into sexual things, at all - and remember that this was still the late 2000s or early 2010s and I had not heard of romantic orientations yet! So I was up to something, there just were no terms for that yet! Today that would be called bi-/panromantic asexual.
I haven't been able to track the exact date or even year when did I figure out I'm aromantic, or when did I hear about romantic orientations for the first time. From the messages I've been able to find, I was already in my early 20s. Aka somewhere around maybe 2011-2013. In those, I have still been wondering what I am or if I even want to have a relationship, not being really able to tell what I wanted or didn't want. Again, no one told me romantic orientations are about ATTRACTION and not about whether you have commitment issues or not (this as a half-joke, cos I have severe commitment issues with everything :D I need to feel free!).
Anyway, I do remember my key moment with aromanticism, or the "aromantic awakening" as you could call it too, was when I was 17 or 18. Or maybe I was older? I don't know, I have time blindness. Anyway, I had this one online friend I had a "crush" on (I think it was just undiagnosed adhd's person hyperfixation) and I even told her about it. Everything just is super shady, from those years, I was not really on my best and there are so many overlapping memories that feel like different alternative universes instead of memories on a same timeline. Anyway, I just remember at some point thinking about this girl and I thought about some "romantic" stuff, like kissing, and I just remember my brain going "NOOOOOPE!" I had wanted to meet with her some day so bad, but when I started thinking about actually meeting with her, I started to nope the fuck out. All I had in my head was awkward embarrassing "first kiss" scenarios from movies and I just was not having it! I basically went "lol I guess I'm aro too, then XD" but I still don't remember when did I have this realization. Was I 17? Or was I, say, 22? I guess I need to go through my old MSN Messenger and Skype convos some day to investigate this further because I really want to know. I couldn't even find anything from my Tumblr from those times (I registered here in 2011), but I don't know if that's just me not tagging or Tumblr search functioning normally (aka it never finds anything).
But yeah, I am touch-repulsed. And kiss-repulsed, and romance-repulsed, too, (unless it's my OTP we're talking about). I'm still not exactly sure if I'm touch repulsed because I'm aromantic, or if I'm aromantic because I'm touch-repulsed. I only know that because of my sensory issues (I'm neurodivergent), I have never liked touching nor being touched. Even as a little kid I hated hugs and never liked sitting on anyone's lap. I only tolerated my parents, mainly my mom, because they were my safe place as an extremely shy baby/toddler/kid, who was especially wary about men. I can't explain the latter, but there was something about adult men that caused me (as a baby) to hide my face against my mom's shoulder if they talked to me. I did that to everyone I didn't know, but especially to men I didn't know. No idea why.
I also remember how my siblings loved to sit on people's laps and were always climbing onto their laps, and I didn't like this. And once my (late) grandma was so touched when she asked me if I want to sit on her lap (I was maybe 5-7?) and I agreed just to make her happy. I still remember how it felt, and I did not like it at all, but it still made my grandma so happy that I THINK she almost cried when she told my mom I actually agreed to sit on her lap. I'm not sure how real this last part of the memory is because I was so young. But I do remember thinking I do that for a change because I knew my grandma would be happy.
So yeah, my touch-repulsion is not exactly a new thing but just something that has been a part of my personality forever. But is that the core reason for why I only feel aesthetic attraction? I never look at people and feel like I wanna touch. More of the opposite, the idea of having to touch them or them touching me makes me go "eeewww". If you have seen that video of a gibbon shaking their whole body after seeing a rat in their exhibit? That's what I feel like when I think about touching or being touched, in just any way, also platonically.
The only time I feel "sensual attraction" is when I see photos or videos of animals. The urge to pet a tiger is insane. But the feel of another human's skin or muscle (or hair or whatever) is very repulsive to me.
I still remember how disgusting it felt to e.g. sit on a cousin's lap. We sometimes used swings like this, and somehow I was aware of it not feeling nice, but still not doing anything about it cos it also was okay? Only later I have realized I really, really loathe the texture of human skin. Or the warmth and overall feeling of a human body. For example, I was at least 7 or younger when I sat on my cousin's lap while we were sitting on a swing and STILL, after over 20 years, I have that all in my body memory. I remember how the thigh bone felt under my legs and how freaking disgusting the muscles felt inbetween. Also at school, on the 1st grade, we often had to walk in a line of twos after the teacher and hold the pair's hand so no one gets lost. My then-friend had so ridiculously dry skin that the only thing I could think of was how I felt like throwing up because the skin on her palm felt so damn disgusting. I still can feel that in my hand when I think of it. That's one of my "core memories" from 1st grade - how disgusting the human skin can feel like.
I don't think I have ever felt actual romantic attraction towards anyone. It's really difficult to differentiate because as I mentioned, I get those people hyperfixations easily. I guess it's the same hormones but I never really want to do anything with them? I guess it's the emotional intimacy that "attracts" me and what gets me excited, but I'm still not exactly sure what emotional intimacy means to me. I don't exactly fall into the QPR category either, in a way I wish I had a best friend whose best friend also I would be, and that neither would have anyone else who is "better" than the other one. But the only intimacy there would be emotional intimacy, nothing else. And I need my freedom so I wouldn't move in with any human being, either.
Sometimes I've thought my "ideal partner" would be a robot because if I get annoyed, I could just turn it off and stuff into a closet and leave there, and if I felt like not having a "relationship" anymore, I could just remove the harddrive and destroy the robot, or both. That way I would be the only one with the memories, and I wouldn't have to worry about someone out there knowing things about me, things that only the closest can know, and I'm really afraid of letting anyone close in case it won't work (also with regular friendships) because I can't stop thinking about how much I wish I had that MIB memory cancelling device so that they would again know almost nothing, or at least much much less about me. There's already one friendship that ended a few years ago and I still keep thinking about how I wish I could take everything back and how I wish they delete(d) all the files and drawings and stuff I sent them. There are so many things about me I wish I never told them, now as we are no longer friends. Back then it felt like "of course this is gonna last a lifetime!" but turns out that nope, not all friendships will.
I guess it's time to stop rambling. This post is really long already. If you read it all the way here: congrats. And thanks. You probably just wasted your time but... that's on you I guess :DDD But yeah, some thoughts from a 30-years-old aroace who has been aware of their identity for at least or almost 10 years now.
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1411
Where is your favorite place to get fries?
Potato Corner has the best fries, locally.
What is the most recent article of clothing you’ve purchased?
I bought very late Christmas gifts for cousins I was only able to see just a couple of weeks ago - and they all put various kinds of clothes on their wishlist so I took a quick trip to H&M and Uniqlo for those. I believe the last gift I was able to secure was a black jacket.
Have you ever paid for anything with a cheque (check)?
Kinda, yeah. I’ve paid with a cheque on my mom���s behalf, but I’ve never had my own.
Do you know anyone who was raised by their grandparents?
My siblings and I technically were. My mom and dad did live with us and I saw them everyday; but they were raising us at the same time they were still building their careers so they were very busy nonetheless. My grandma practically raised us, in that respect.
Have you ever made your own pie from scratch?
Yes but only because it was required to do so in home economics classes. I’ve never made my own pie because I *wanted* to make one.
Who was the last person you had an in-depth conversation with?
My aunt, two uncles, and my cousin and her girlfriend - just a few hours ago, actually. I just got back from my aunt’s place and we had several serious convos come about earlier.
Are there any waterfalls nearby?
I wouldn’t call it nearby, but yeah we have waterfalls here.
What was the last food item you ate?
I literally ordered McDonald’s’ Korean-inspired chicken burger on my way home. I took a bite of it just now.
What are your earliest memories of going to see a doctor?
When I went in to visit the school nurse when I was 4 and was asked to peer into this telescope thing. It was to check my eyesight, I believe.
Can you hear traffic right now?
No. I live in a gated subdivision, so barely any noisy car/train noises here.
Have you ever pulled a muscle?
Sure, usually the ones on my shoulders or neck.
What did you do last weekend?
Last weekend...that was the first non-eventful weekend I had in the last month, so I wanted to spend it just napping and curled up at the couch. The only active thing I did then was to take my parents out for dinner Sunday night, but otherwise it had been a very unproductive couple of days.
What is your favorite gaming console?
I have lots of memories with the PS2 so I’d go with that.
Are you talking to anyone via instant messaging right now?
Nah. My aunt just replied to me on Viber but it’s the kind of message that concludes a convo, so I don’t have to reply to her anymore.
Have you kissed someone today?
No.
What is your favorite condiment?
Mayonnaise.
Do you have a strong opinion for or against Justin Bieber?
The only strong Justin Bieber-related opinion I have is that I’ll always be obsessed with his Purpose album. That was a crazy good set of songs.
Have you used a telephone today?
Just my cellphone if it counts but I haven’t used landline at all today.
Do you prefer coffee or tea?
Coffee. I never drink tea and when I do it’s always an unsuccessful attempt at trying to like it.
Have you taken a painkiller today?
Nope, didn’t really have to.
How many theaters does the closest cinema from your house have?
I’m not sure...I think it has four? Two on each side. I could be totally wrong though; I haven’t been to the cinemas since 2019 hahaha.
Do you always have a stock of alcohol in your house?
Yes, even though I am the only person in the house who drinks lol. I always keep a stock of soju in case I want to drink, or in case friends come over on short notice.
Have you ever had a pumpkin latte and if so, did you like it?
I’ve never had a pumpkin latte – pumpkin isn’t a popular flavor here – but the Starbucks branches here will usually offer it as a limited-time thing every October or whenever fall is so people here can feel like Americans lmao. Anyway, it’s always sold out when I try to order so I’ve never gotten to try it.
Have you had a nap today?
Yup, I had a nap this afternoon and it felt sooooooo good. I barely had any sleep the night before and I was scheduled to go to my aunt’s tonight, so I took a few hours to rest and recharge and all.
Is there an antique store in your town or city?
If there is, I have no idea where it is. But as far as I know we don’t have any.
Have you ever been to a baby shower?
Nah.
Do you have a hyphenate name or know anyone with one? (eg. Carter-Brown)
Yep I know lots of people with hyphenated names.
What would you wear if you were being taken out to dinner tonight?
It’s 1:44 AM so the wording of this question is pretty irrelevant, but anyway I’d probably retain the same outfit I worse today - a tube top and palazzo pants.
What were the last shoes you wore?
adidas sneakers.
Do you know anyone who has been to rehab?
I don’t think so.
Have you ever had a mojito?
Yeah, but it’s not a favorite. It’s not the first or fifth option I’d consider from a bar menu.
Do you take your Christmas decorations down before or after New Years?
Way after. Filipinos celebrate Christmas up til mid-January.
What is the first thing you do when you get online?
Depends on my agenda, but typically it’s to check my social media.
How many romantic relationships have you been in so far?
One.
Have you ever been camping in the wilderness?
I have not. I’ll need someone much more experienced to come with me if I were ever to do this for the first time too, hahaha.
Do you have any money on you right now?
Yep, about a couple hundred peso bills.
Would you consider yourself to be a picky eater?
To an extent. I’m extremely open when it comes to trying different types of food, but I have my certain preferences when it comes to food if that makes sense?? Like I’m ok with fish but I much much prefer sushi over cooked fish; or how I enjoy French fries but prefer them burnt or nearly burnt because I wouldn’t touch fries that still look kind of pale or floppy.
Have you made a large purchase today?
I mean I guess it’s large when it’s in proportion to my salary, but objectively it wasn’t too expensive. I spent over a thousand bucks for my cousin’s birthday gift.
What was the last candy you ate?
Marshmallows, if they count.
How often do you eat Subway?
Never. It’s not that I dislike Subway; I’ve just never had cravings for their sandwiches.
Have you ever lived in a house with a pool in the yard?
Nope.
What color is your toothbrush?
Yellow and pink.
Do you have gluten intolerance or anyone who does?
No and no.
Have you ever cried while watching a movie?
Oh for sure. It’s pretty easy to make me cry.
First thing that catches your eye when you look out the nearest window?
The house right behind ours.
Have you ever had a migraine?
Yep, usually after work aka a full day of being in front of a computer screen.
Do you have a gym membership?
No.
Have you locked your front door today?
Yes. I was the last person to come home tonight so I definitely had the responsibility of locking the front door.
Have you ever slept in a car overnight?
I have done this a few times before, yes. Mainly during college.
Have you washed the dishes today?
I didn’t wash any today because I didn’t eat anything from a plate today.
Have you ever fainted?
Yep. I’m the family’s resident fainter lol. I’m relatively weaker when it comes to handling heat, dehydration, and/or hunger.
Have you been awake before sunrise today?
Yeah, I guess I can say that rn as it is currently 2:01 AM.
When was the last time you went to the bank?
I last withdrew from an ATM a couple of weeks ago, but I haven’t had any business in the bank since late 2020.
Do you avoid conflict as much as possible?
Yeah, I don’t really like confrontation and always try to be a people pleaser.
Have you ever used a leaf blower?
No.
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Candlelight
A Dwayne From The Lost Boys One Shot
Okay, so this is my first Lost Boys Imagine with Dwayne. It’s with one of my OCs and it’s inspired by a convo I had with @80s-whore-university. I apologize in advance for my grammar and spelling errors. Enjoy!
~*~
Laura huffed against the window, allowing her breath to fuse with the glass. She'd often done this as a child when she was bored at her grandparents house and her cousins were too busy watching Scooby Doo re-runs to notice she'd moved to another room. Her fingers traced the little white spot until it became a transparent heart. Laura smiled, then immediately frowned. “I've officially lost it.”
She wiped the heart away with her sleeve and made her way to the door, unbolting it again and peeking out. She tried to avoid the rain, but it dripped from the gutters and dotted her bangs. I don't even know why I bother, she thought, locking the door again with an exasperated sigh. If it's raining, there's no reason for him to come. They'll keep him since the Boardwalk's closed. She nodded her head. She knew their habits well. Dwayne wasn't coming - not in this weather.
"I need tea," she said to her pup. Bandit's ears perked up at the word. Tea meant cookies. Cookies meant crumbs. And crumbs meant he'd surely get a snack. In her laziness, Laura grabbed a mug from the cabinet – the little one with constellations on the side Dwayne had given her for her birthday. She smiled at the memory, then quickly filled the cup with water, and shoved it into the microwave. Pushing the buttons, Laura felt herself relax as she watched the little stars rotate under the fluorescent light.
At first, she didn't even notice his arms wrap around her torso. She'd grown accustomed to the sensation – the feeling of his arms drawing her closer, the weight of his chin on her shoulder.
"I thought you weren't coming," she whispered, relaxing into the embrace. "I didn't hear you come in."
"Bandit let me in."
"Bandit doesn't have opposable thumbs." He didn't answer, but Laura could feel him smile as he kissed her neck. "I'm surprised David let you leave."
"Oh, he didn't."
"Ah, so you betrayed your leader."
"Betrayed is a strong word," he replied, releasing her as the microwave beeped. He removed the mug, quickly moving to the cabinets above the sink. "I just left without asking.” He extracted a packet of Chamomile. After ripping the packet with teeth, a habit Laura never quite understood, but respected, Dwayne placed the tea in the mug and motioned her toward the couch.
"I'd say that's a betrayal. I mean he probably expected you to spend the day with Laddie."
"Nah, Paul and Marko have it covered. When I left, they were making a Tik Tok to Savage."
"Real classy."
"I think you mean Bougie and ratchet." Dwayne laughed as Laura's eyes widened.
"Please," she began, rubbing her eyes. "Please, never use those words again. Or you'll turn into Paul."
"Ah, and we can't have that." Dwayne grabbed some throw pillows from the couch and placed gently on the floor before taking a seat on the ground. "Come on, sweets." Laura obliged, settling herself between his legs as she sipped her tea. Dwayne flipped on the television and made his way to Netflix. He might have struggled with the concept at first, but now he couldn't get enough. The platform really did have everything he could ever dream of watching.
"Really, again?" Laura whined as he hovered over The Crown.
"You don't want to see Diana pass the Balmoral test?"
Laura looked up at him with a smirk. "Okay, the fact that you know what that is and I don't proves that you've been watching this for too long. No.” Dwayne placed a kiss on her forehead. Shit, well played. "Fine, let's watch Camilla and Charles fuck up a perfectly normal teenage girl."
"Thank you."
"You know for someone who idolizes Karl Marx, I don't think your obsession with the English monarchy is healthy."
"Shhhh.” He kissed her gently on the lips. "Let people enjoy things," he whispered as Laura laughed.
~*~
Laura felt herself begin to doze off. What is it about Chamomile that makes you sleepy? she wondered as she leaned against Dwayne. At first, he didn't seem to notice her drowsiness – too engrossed in the world of royals. For the last two hours, Laura and Dwayne had watched Diana and Charles tie the knot, have a child, travel to Australia, and, as usual, fight over his relationship with Camilla. Laura's eyes closed as Diana demanded that Charles leave Camilla...for the umtempth time. Silently, she tried to sync her breathing with Dwayne's as he lowered the volume for the newest screaming match.
"What the hell?" Dwayne cried.
Laura's eyes fluttered open. The entire room was dark, pitch black. If she wasn't sitting against Dwayne, Laura would have been more panicked.
“No! Diana was about to confront Camilla at the birthday party!"
"We must have blown a fuse,” Laura replied through her giggles. She wished she could see Dwayne’s face. Laura was certain it read frustrated fangirl.
Dwayne let out an exasperated sigh before flinging the remote onto the couch. "You okay, babe?"
"I'm good. You can see right?" She felt Dwayne nod against her before picking her up. He wrapped his arms underneath her knees as he moved to the fuse box. Using her phone, Laura tried each switch twice, flipping the little dials back and forth.
"The rain must have caused an outage."
"You got candles?"
"Kitchen," Laura replied as she snuggled into his chest. Dwayne carried her into the kitchen and helped her onto the counter, where she pulled a menorah from the cabinet.
"Got it?" he asked, stretching out his arms.
Yup," she replied, jumping back into his arms. She didn't bother to ask where he was. He was always where she needed him. Catching her again, Dwayne carried her back into the living room, where Laura struck a match. The tiny flame guided her toward the blue and white candles.
"Really?" Dwayne laughed as Laura placed the candles into their waxed slots. Gradually, the blue menorah began to glow, painting the room in a pale yellow light.
"It's all I had!" Laura protested. "Besides, my grandmother used to light hers when the power went out. It's tradition." Dwayne threw her a lopsided grin. "What? I'm serious...Why are you looking at me like that?"
"Nothing," Dwayne said. "I didn't say anything."
"Oh shut up." She pushed him as he stood up. Taking off his leather jacket, he laid down on the couch and kicked up off his converse. In the soft candlelight, Laura took in the sight of his bare chest. He closed his eyes for a moment, shifting to get comfortable as Laura fiddled with her candles. For some reason, she was finding it difficult to concentrate.
"Enjoying the view," Dwayne teased.
"Mmmm...maybe."
"Then come join me," he said, open his arms to her. Laura obeyed, setting the final candle in place. The rain continued to beat against the sides of her home, but Laura paid it little mind. Instead, she buried her nose in the crook of Dwayne’s neck, inhaling his scent. Something about it put her at ease – even in the middle of a black out. Dwayne drew a blanket over them, rubbing gentle circles on the small of her back.
"Dwayne," Laura began. He hummed in reply, closing his eyes. "Can I ask you something?"
"What is it, baby?"
"Where'd you get this scar?” she asked, tracing over the mark on his shoulder.
"Long story," he said, placing a kiss on her lips. He was trying to change the subject and she knew it.
"We got time," she sighed through his embrace. "I don't think you're gonna be watching The Crown again anytime soon and I'm genuinely curious."
Dwayne leaned his forehead against hers. “You really wanna know, kid?” She nodded. “Alright, well...” He paused, closing his eyes again. His lips formed a thin line. Uh oh, I know that look. Laura kissed his neck.
“There’s no pressure. You don’t have to tell me.”
“I don’t mind. To be honest, I’m surprised it didn’t go away when David changed me.”
“Yeah, I thought his blood would have smoothed everything out. Made you look all shiny like Edward Cullen.”
Dwayne rolled his eyes. “Yeah I’m sure that’s what David expected too, but I guess it stuck.” He paused again, taking a deep breath.
“Take your time.”
“I got it when I was thirteen,” he continued. “When I was with some friends...Did I ever tell you my family lived on a Rez?”
“Rez?”
“Reservation. Back in the 30’s.”
“No, you didn’t,” Laura replied, trailing her fingers across his chest. Then again, she thought, you haven’t really told me anything about your past. She thought of saying so, but bit her tongue. She wanted to hear what he had to say.
“In Arizona. There’s not much to do there. It’s hot and unless you really like red rocks the view can get pretty boring.”
Laura gulped. He was talking more than usual. She wondered how long it would last.
“My friends and I always tried to invent stuff to do. Ya know, to pass the time. We’d go down to the railroads and try to find work laying tracks. But that got pretty boring after awhile. Sometimes, my friend Adam would sneak cigarettes out of his mom’s bedroom drawer and we’d smoke those.”
“Sounds like you were a handful.”
“Every thirteen year old boy is.”
“Okay, true. I’m sorry, continue.”
“Well one day, we got bored smoking and my best friend Pete got this dumb idea. Pete was a year older than me but for some reason he liked having me around. He always called me his little brother, which was funny considering he already had five little brothers to spare. I don’t even remember how Pete and I met, but he was the best.”
Dwayne rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand. Looking down at Laura he smiled.
“What’s that look?”
“Nothing. I just didn’t know you were such a good storyteller.”
“Oh bullshit.”
“Keep going!” Laura exclaimed, lightly smacking his cheek. “I’m invested.” He kissed her again, deeper this time. Laura sighed softly as he pulled away. “Tease,” she whispered.
“Proud of it. Anyway, Pete, Adam and I were down by the tracks. It was almost midnight and we’d snuck out like always. We were just goofing around and waiting for the sun to come up when we heard a whistle.”
“A train?”
“Yup. Trains passed by all the time at night. They went straight through reservation because they figured the natives wouldn’t mind the noise. It was always big freights carrying supplies and sometimes hobos.”
“Dwayne-“
“That was the term we used at the time. Don’t hold it against me. After we heard the whistle, Pete got this weird look on his face. And he jumped down and went straight to the tracks, standing on them and whistling back at the train. At first, I thought it was a joke. I thought he was playing chicken with the train.”
“Like in Footloose?”
“Yeah, like that. People did that all the time. They liked to test their odds and see if they could cheat death. Thing was Pete’s dad had recently left and his family didn’t have any money to pay their rent let alone eat. I knew he was having a rough time, but I didn’t know how bad things really were, ya know? As the train got closer, that look on his face started to freak me out. Suddenly, it didn’t feel like a joke. Pete wasn’t playing chicken. He wasn’t playing at all.”
Laura felt her body stiffen and Dwayne pulled her closer in response.
“Adam and I keep yelling at him to get off the tracks. The train just kept getting closer and I started to panic. I don’t know what came over me. As soon as I saw the train lights hit Pete’s face, adrenaline took over. The next thing I knew I was on the ground on top of Pete watching the train going by. At first, I didn’t feel any pain. Then I felt dizzy and Adam yelled that I was bleeding. It took me a minute to realize my shoulder had knocked the side of the train.”
“Oh god, babe.” Laura sat up, her eyes welling with tears. Dwayne sat up too, wiping her cheeks with his thumbs.
“Hey, hey, hey I was fine. A few stitches and I was cleaned up. No broken bones and thank god because my mom would have killed me. But it was Pete that had it the worst. He kept apologizing and came to see me to make sure I recovered.”
“I’m sure he felt horrible.”
“Yeah but it made him wake up. After that, he got a job and helped his family out. I think he even got married and had some kids after I left town. We weren’t as close after what happened, but that didn’t matter.”
“You saved his life.”
“Nah,” Dwayne replied, lowering his head.
Laura placed a finger under his chin, lifting it so he met her green eyes. “You did. And you should be proud.” Laura gazed at the jagged line on his shoulder. “I think I know why you got to keep this scar.”
“Oh yeah why?”
“To remind you that you’re still a good person. To help you remember that there was a time you saved someone’s life instead of ending it.”
“Maybe,” Dwayne sighed, kissing her again. “Since when did you get so philosophical?”
“Blame Kafka. We started reading him yesterday.” Dwayne laughed. It wasn’t his usual soft giggle, but a heartier one that seemed to echo from his chest. “Thank you for sharing that with me,” Laura added as she yawned.
“Thank you for listening. It was nice to talk about Pete again.” Laura leaned into his shoulder, kissing the scar for good measure. “You tired babe?”
“A little. Your voice...it’s very soothing.”
“Lay back down baby,” Dwayne whispered as Laura rested on his chest. “Let’s go to sleep.”
“But you can’t sleep,” Laura argued, closing her eyes. “Not at this hour.”
“It’s okay. You rest. I’ll wait for the lights to come back on.”
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