#I’m still a Harry girl at heart tho !!!! he is my number one and he always will be !!!! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sad-sour · 2 years

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gonna talk about some harry styles here bc once again it’s information i don’t want everyone on burner twitter knowing but i’m anonymous here :p

starting with Little Freak off of Harry’s House

the first time i listened to this song i knew immediately what this song was about to me

it was about me and him, when we were kids, two little sixth graders who’ve never had friends before, before he got violent and terrifying

the sweet kid who told the lamest jokes but i thought they were funny anyway because i had the same lame sixth grade sense of humor

he liked harry potter and percy jackson, and we got into anime together, watching fairytail and talking about dragon ball z, he showed me some of my favorite bands that i still listen to to this day but now it’s a little more painful

“I’m not worried about where you are; Or who you will go home to; I’m just thinking about you”

but this songs not just about him, it’s about little me too

little sixth grade me with her bows and pigtails, that she hadn’t quite outgrown just yet

me before the assaults, and the manipulation, the gaslighting, before getting verbally beaten to death by him for nine and a half goddamn years

little me who was so excited to finally find someone who had the same interests as me

“I disrespected you; Jumped in feet first and I landed too hard”

this song makes my head scream with apologies to little me who didn’t deserve what he did to us; truly what they did to us all three of the motherfuckers who shatter little me into an unrecognizable kid

my heart feels warm tho, almost like kid me is proud of how far we’ve come despite it all

it feels like a reconciliation with myself, acknowledging that i’ll never be that little girl anymore and he’ll never be the same kid who was my best friend again, but that’s okay, i don’t want us to be them anymore, but i do think about it for time to time

Matilda

she was the first girl i’d ever been in love with, but she had a boyfriend and i was friends with him too

she was my best friend, i’ve always believed in soulmates and i had thought she was one of mine, platonic or otherwise

i’d have given her the world if she’d asked that of me…

but i went away to college and i wasn’t around so much anymore

she’s the kind of person that needs you to be available to her 24/7, and i couldn’t do that bc i lived three hours away, but damn did i try and maintain our friendship and it worked for a while but i watched as she replaced her boyfriend’s friends until i was the last one left, i knew my days were numbered then…

“You don’t have to be sorry for leaving and growing up”

but when i hear this song it’s not just about her

i’ve been told before when i talk about all the terrible things that have happened to me in life i don’t quite sound like i’m talking about me anymore

sometimes it feels like i’m not talking about me too, like i dissociated so hard when it happened that i can’t even fathom that it was me

i can’t even cry about it anymore, even when i want to, even when i feel that nothing else would make me feel better and take the heaviness away from me than a heart-wrenching, fully bodied sob fest

“Matilda, you talk of the pain like it’s all alright; But I know that you feel like a piece of you’s dead inside”

this song is what i needed to hear, that it is okay for having changed so much for the person i was before, that it’s okay to let go and to move on, that it’s okay to heal

Satellite

first of all to start one off light, this is for the girlies who got asked out as a joke ahaha

and yeah i was one of them lmfao

“I can see you’re lonely down there; Don’t you know that I am right here?; Spinning out, waiting for you to pull me in”

i think that’s why i put up with so much shit from my ex, he was my first boyfriend and it was so crazy to have been asked out for once not as a joke

at least that’s what i thought

looking back on it now i think it was some sick fucking joke that he asked me out, a sick joke that lasted for 5 months of dating and 4 months of fucking psychological torture

Boyfriends

1 boyfriend; 1 best friend

god hearing this song was so painful, a heartache dwelling on my own foolishness and naivety when it came to these two absolute fucking monsters

the sweet boy who knew me so well, who could read me like a book, only to turn into my own personal boogie man who knew exactly what to say to make me fold, exactly what to say to make me cry, and god did i love him anyway

he was my first friend and i cherished his friendship so much so that i was blinded and willing to deal with it because one day he’d get better and things would go back to the way they were

“You love a fool who knows just how to get under your skin; You, you, you still open the door”

time and time again, we’d fight, we’d make up and be friends for a bit, he’d charm me into thinking he’d changed

and every single time goddamn was i fucking wrong, but i wanted so desperately to have my friend back

so desperate to have that sweet boy from so long ago as my friend again that i would forgive and forgive and forgive for all the yelling, the fights, the gaslighting, i even forgave him the day he raised his hand at me, he never hit me but the fear was enough to keep me in line

i took all the blame without complaint and spewed apologies for things i’d never even done all because he’d say i’d done them

you know, i used to act so exasperated when people would ask me questions: are y’all friends? are you done with each other now?

i’d tell them that yeah we’re done forever he’s never getting another chance from me

i lied every single time

but i’m not lying anymore, i’ve lost nine and a half years of my life to him, i don’t have any solid memories until my junior year of high school, i refuse to lose anymore of my life to him

“Only calling you when; Don’t want to be alone; Oh, and you go; Why? You don’t know”

i saw life through rose colored glasses when i got with my first boyfriend

we got together in april, and life was so beautiful

i was a fool but i was a fool in love, a teenaged girl who had never even kissed someone romantically before

i found out later that he hung out with my best friend and i a few weeks before we started dating to figure out which one of us he stood a chance with

and unfortunately i was to fool who took the bait

sometimes now i question if any of it was real, if he even cared about me, let alone love me

we dated for five months and god at that point in my life those had been the five best months of my life, that poor girl had no idea what was coming for her

the pretty rose colored lens i saw life through for shattered pretty quickly after that, shit even before the end of our actual relationship

he started excluding me from OUR friend groups hang outs, i’d like to emphasize that i was friends with most of these people before we got together, we had been each in our own right a part of that friend group

he’d exclude me, he’d hang out with my best friend alone, despite how many times she’d claimed that she didn’t like him and he made her uncomfortable, yet some how they became inseparable

i’m still not even sure if they cheated tbh

“Boyfriends; Are they just pretending?; They don’t tell you where it’s heading; And you know the game’s never ending”

when we broke up it didn’t even take him 48 hours to try and get back into my bed

he told me we were only breaking up bc he had to get his life together, get a job, and college was taking up so much of his time it was unfair of him to keep me strapped down, thinking about it now infuriates me

he took my virginity and was the first boy to ever show me any real attention and he was my first boyfriend and i was a kid, a stupid and naive kid

4 months

4 months were all i wanted was to die because i felt so fucking worthless

4 months were i never made plans with any of my friends bc i wanted to keep my calendar clear in case he wanted to come over at night

and every goddamn day for four months i let that motherfucker in through the window, just for him to get what he came for then toss me to the side, roll over and sleep for four hours until i woke him up to tell him he had to leave in the morning before my parents woke up for work

“You, you lay with him as you stay in the daydream; You feel a fool; You’re back at it again”

tbh most of those four months i don’t even remember, except for how worthless i felt and how much i wanted nothing more than to die than be with him, i spent those four months so dissociated that i didn’t even recognize my body as my own, it felt like an out of body experience, like i was watching all this horrible shit happen to someone else

i don’t think anyone will read this but if anyone by some crazy coincidence does the boy in little freak is the same “sweet boy” “first friend” in boyfriends; the girl i was in love with in matilda is the same best friend that “didn’t like” my ex bf yet some how spent everyday with him contributing to my exclusion for group hang outs

also the lyrics correlate to the feelings of the paragraphs above them

#admin jay

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mayraki · 4 years

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The Trained Assassin.

Spencer Reid series. Part 5 (1/2)

Not my gif! Credits to the owner.

Summary: Life’s not easy when you found out that instead of being trained to be a spy for the CIA, you are being trained to be an assassin, a killer. The people you wanted to stop, they were making you one. That’s when you joined the BAU to become someone new, you didn’t want to be someone’s toy. You wanted your past to be arrased, that’s all. But it’s not easy to hide a past like that.

Warning: graphic descriptions!

MASTERLIST

“A visit to the past”

The music was loud and your drink was strong, just how you liked it.

You were at a bar with the team, and the alcohol was the main character this beautiful night.

“I’m going to get another drink!” You said and Emily nodded.

You went to the bar and you noticed a really hot stranger waiting for his drink. The alcohol took over your body and you got next to him, brushing his elbow with your hand while you were reaching for the menu on the counter.

You noticed that he looked at you and you made yourself very interested in the drinks, even if you knew all of them.

“A Moscow Mule, please.” You said to the bartender and she nodded.

“You have nice taste” the man next to you said.

You looked up to him and nodded “I know” you smiled and he let out a little smile.

You had to take a good thing in your years of training, and seduction was one of them. And you were fucking good at it.

“So, are you here alone?” He asked.

“No, i’m here with my co-workers” you gave him a half smile. “You?”

“Alone” He said taking a sip from his whiskey.

You looked at Emily, JJ and Garcia on your table and they were looking at you. Garcia had her moth open in full surprise and you winked at her.

“Here you have, y/n” the bartender said and you gave her the tip.

“The bartender knows your name, you come here often?” He asked.

“Great work detective” you smiled and he let out a little laugh. “Yeah, it’s close to work” you looked down at his lips for more than two seconds, to make sure he notices your move.

He smiled and pulled out a card he had on his pocket and gave it to you “Well, let me know if you are coming back tomorrow. Maybe I’ll drop by again if you are”

You grabbed the car and looked at it.

“Lawyer. Come prepared I see?” You said “are you used to giving your number to random girls?”

“No, not at all. Only the special ones get the card”

“Oh, I see, and you think I’m special”

“Absolutely” He said with a smile.

“But baby, you haven’t seen me in action yet” you whispered in his ear and walked towards your table were the girls were waiting for you with big smiles on their faces.

“Lawyer” you put his card on the table and Garcia grabbed it.

“That was amazing” she said.

“What was?” You said taking a sip from your drink.

“You. The way you got this guy. And five others. Five guys turned their heads while you were walking. I counted.”

You laughed and suddenly felt an arm around you “What are this beautiful ladies doing?” Morgan spoked and you smiled at him.

“Waiting for you, my prince” Garcia said.

He smiled and went towards her, giving her a kiss on her cheek.

“What’s this?” Spencer asked looking at the card.

“Y/n successfully seduced a lawyer” Garcia said.

“You naughty girl!” Morgan said jokingly.

“He gave you his card? What a show off” Spencer said putting the card back on the table.

“You ok pretty boy?” Morgan asked him.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” He cleared his throat.

You noticed that Garcia smirked at Morgan and you didn’t want to give much thought into it.

“I haven’t had any action in months” Emily said and everyone looked at her with surprise because of her confession.

“My poor baby girl” Garcia said.

“Teach me” Emily said looking at me with puppy eyes.

“Me?”

“Yes! That guy gave you his number in less than five minutes. You’re good, teach girl!”

JJ laughed at Emily’s sudden change.

“Alright, I can’t teach you with words. I have to show you.” She nodded and you looked around. “See? That guy over there. He’s close so you’ll be able to hear me. Look at me, but you’re a profiler, see beyond the words”

You stood up and felt Spencer move uncomfortably. You didn’t care because your were too focused on this guy.

You passed him like you were trying to look something, when you dropped ‘unintentionally’ your keys next to him.

“Hey, you dropped this”

You turned to him and gave him a smile. You grabbed your keys and looked at him up and down, but slowly and smiled even bigger.

“Can I ask you something?” You asked.

“Sure, whatever you want.” He said.

Alright, he’s already behind you. Easy.

“Do you believe in the phrase ‘Everything happens for a reason’?” You smiled at him to let him know that this was one of those moments.

“Yeah, absolutely” you smiled and touched his shoulder.

“I’m glad”

“Are you here alone?”

You wanted to see if the girls were listening to this, so you looked over your table but instead you locked eyes with Spencer, he looked uncomfortable, he had the most serious face you’ve ever seen on him. His drink was done and before you looked away, you noticed that he was going to take another sip even tho the drink was empty.

Is he jealous?

“No, I’m here with my friends so I can’t stay with you a lot longer”

“That’s a shame, but if you come here again, let me know” he grabbed his card and handed to you.

What’s up with work cards today?

“I will” you kissed him on the cheeck and went back to your table.

“Amazing! You have a talent” Garcia said.

A chair made a noise and it was Spencer when he stood up and went outside. You followed him with your eyes but Emily caught your attention.

“I think someone didn’t like that” she said still looking at the way Spencer went.

“What?” You asked.

“He’s been looking at you all night” JJ said.

“Really?” She nodded and you looked again at the outside door.

You were questioning if following him was a good idea.

Maybe he just wanted to get some fresh air...

You got up and went to the door just to see if he left the bar, deep down you didn’t want him to, you wanted to talk to him like last time.

But when you went outside, you immediately noticed him talking closely to a girl. Your heart skipped a beat and you quickly went inside again, trying to not give much thought into it. But something made it extremely hard.

***

“There’s been a murder last night, a woman named Evgenia Oblonsky.”

You looked up from your file as soon as that name came out of JJ’s mouth. She was one of your old teachers when you were working for the CIA.

Hotch looked at you because he knew, but you nodded telling him that you were ok.

“Her body was found at her apartment, with a shot to her head in the forehead. She used to work for the CIA”

“The CIA?” Garcia asked with a tone of shook in her voice.

“There’s no clues, no leads, there’s nothing. So they want us to get involve in this.”

You sighed once the meeting was over and Hotch called you into his office.

“You ok?” You nodded “Did you knew her?”

“Yeah, she was one of my teachers. How could they let this happend?”

“I don’t know. But I need you to go back, y/n. To the place you were trained. You know we have to talk with her co-workers and find out more about her. And you are the best shot to do so. You know them better than we do.”

You sighed. The fact that you had to go back made your skin tense.

“I’ll go. It’s just... this doesn’t feel right.”

“Why is that?”

“This is someone with experience, there’s no way that they have no leads. One of the rules they used to teach us keeps coming back to my head, ‘Make sure to never leave anything behind. Have a clear path.” I’m sure Evgenia was smart enough to leave something without the killer noticing. So the killer knew what they were doing. And probably... even trained with her”

***

The building that you were used to see for almost eleven years was in front of you. The chills it gave you made you remember the first time that you saw it when you were twelve, you were so little and full of hope that this was going to be your new home. But nothing went according to your thoughts.

Nothing changed since the last time you saw it, the walls were still a sad color of grey and the giant black door was still scary as hell. You used to think of the building as Hogwarts like in Harry Potter, but what happened inside was no magic, but the contrary.

“It is bigger than I expected” Morgan said when you two and Spencer walked into the building.

“Welcome.” A dry voice said behind you and recognised it immediately.

You turned to the voice and the woman that ‘adopted’ you 13 years ago, was in front of you. Headmaster and Agent Agnia Smirnov, with her blonde bun on top of her head, her rid lipstick and her grey clothes. Same as you remembered.

“Hi, we are Agents Morgan, y/ln, and Dr. Reid.” Morgan said and you felt that he was a little bit intimidated by her.

Derek, this is only the beginning.

“I know who you are. I heard you were coming.” And there it was, she always had to be the one who was smarter than everyone else. “If you want to talk, we can do it in my office.”

Morgan nodded “Lead the way.”

She started to walk but you knew exactly were it was, the amount of times you were in there because they had to inform you about your missions, that was something you didn’t miss.

The smell of that perfume hit you like a rock and took you back ten years ago. Walking those corridors with books on your hands and trying to remember everything for your tests. With your ballet shoes, trying not to be late for class.

When the classic music touched your ears, you knew exactly what it was. As you were walking, a giant glass took over the wall and a bunch of ballerinas appeared on the other side.

The were so connected to each other, it didn’t look that there were five dancers, it was like there was only one and the other ones were the shadows.

A flashback of your trying to remember the steps appeared on your head.

“Y/n, remember your pointy feet. Delicate hands. Delicate hands. Shoulders back. Up! Up! Up!”

“Ballet?” Morgan asked.

When he asked that question, you remembered something your old teacher used to say.

“Always keep your enemies on their toes, unless your enemy is a ballerina. That’s where they are strongest.” his face of confusion didn’t change, and he looked back at the dancers trying to think.

“What is it that you wanted to talk?” Agnia said once you stepped inside her office.

“We want to talk about Evgenia. Do you know if she was involved in anything that she wasn’t supposed to?”

“No, not that I know of” she said while sitting down at her desk.

“Maybe, she had trouble with someone. Has anyone came here that was unusual and wanted to talk to her?” Spencer asked.

“No. She was always with her students.”

Lie.

“Did she ever tell you about someone she was seeing?” Morgan asked looking around the office.

“No. We didn’t talk about that stuff. And Agent, you can stop looking at my office now, there is nothing here that can help you.” She said and you closed your eyes.

Typical.

“Sorry, thank you for your time Ms. We will leave you now.” Morgan said trying to leave that office as soon as possible.

You left the office but you knew that there was something she wasn’t telling you. She wanted to talk to you alone, that’s why she wasn’t talking and she knew you were going to figure that out.

“Guys, I think I’m going to ask her some more questions” you said.

“Are you sure you want to be there alone with her?” Morgan asked “She’s kinda...”

“Intimidating? I know. I can handle it, trust me.”

Morgan nodded and walked away but you grabbed Spencer by the arm and he looked at you.

“I need to read the file JJ put together. Could you call Garcia and tell her if she can send it to me?”

“Why don’t you ask your friend from last night to help you?”

You stood there for a second because his response took you by surprise “What?”

“Never mind....” he was going to go where Morgan went but you stopped him.

“Spencer, wait. What do you mean?”

“Nothing.”

“No, it’s clearly not nothing. Spencer, what’s wrong?”

“Y/n! It’s nothing! I can call Garcia.” He said rolling his eyes and before you could stop him, he walked away.

You stood there for a couple of seconds in shook because you couldnt understand why Spencer was acting this way. You knew that something made him uncomfortable last night, but you didn’t think that he was this jealous.

You tried to ignore this thoughts and walked towards Agnia’s office.

“Come in, y/n” she said once you knocked on the door.

You rolled your eyes and opened the door.

“I knew you were coming back” she said while reading a paper she had on her hand.

“Well, that’s what you wanted.”

“Yes, but not like this.” She said giving you the look that she always used to give you. Since you left the CIA, she wanted you to come back, she used to see you as one of her best accomplishments.

“What aren’t you telling us?” You said going to the point. You wanted to leave.

“There’s nothing I am not telling you”

You sat down in front of her and she looked at you. “Oh, this takes me back” but she went back to her paper.

“I know what you’re thinking”

“You do? What? The work of a profiler made you more intelligent? Is that it? Is that what you want to show me?”

“No. You taught me this.” And there it was.

She put down her paper and took off her tiny glasses. Her blue eyes felt like they were penetrating you. Like she used to do. She was reading you. But you made sure you weren’t giving her much.

“What am I thinking, then?” She asked closing his glasses and putting them in order on her desk.

“You think one of your students did it.”

She try to not look uncomfortable and hide it perfectly, but thanks to her you were able to catch it.

“And what do you think?” She asked.

“The same as you.”

“It can’t be”

“You always trusted your instincts. Why change now?”

She stayed there in silence still trying to read you.

“You don’t think I did it, do you?” You asked trying to be one step before her.

“I wouldn’t think you’re capable of doing that.” she said trying to sound convincing.

“Lies. You know what I am capable of. You trained me. You made me. Isn’t that it? Why would you think I did it?”

“I don’t know”

“You don’t know? But you always knew everything”

“Don’t play games with me, y/n”

“I’m not playing games, I just want to do my job. That’s why I’m going to watch one of you classes today with my team.”

She opened her eyes widely and stood up.

“I don’t teach my students to kill their own teachers!”

And that was not what you were thinking, but you knew that she was embarrassed for it. She couldn’t face the fact that something went wrong with her teaching methods. She is the perfect one. Nothing goes wrong. It can’t.

“We will see” you said and walked quickly outside the office.

“Everything alright with you two?” Morgan asked Spencer while they were looking around in the academy.

“Who?” Spencer asked trying to avoid the question. “Maybe we can go here, hey, do you know if...?”

“Hey, don’t change the subject, you and Y/n, you seemed a little bit weird last night and the fact that you came later when we separated it means that you two talked, is something wrong?”

“No, nothing’s wrong.” Spencer said without making eye contact with Morgan.

“Hey, don’t make me profile you.” Morgan said jokingly to try break the tension. “C’mon, we’re not teenagers, it’s pretty clear what going on. With you and her, and you know it but don’t want to accept.”

“I don’t have anything to accept.”

“Ok, if you don’t, then why did you talked to her like that when you two were alone?”

“Wait, did you listened to us?”

“I came back and I didn’t want to interrupt because you clearly were having something going on in there. That’s not normal for you to react like that. She doesn’t deserve that either.

Maybe Morgan was right, Spencer did felt bad after treating you like that. Since he never talked to you about potentially having a little crush on you, it’s normal that you never suspected anything and go flirt with other guys.

You came out of Agnia’s office and immediately made eye contact with Spencer who was walking towards you.

“Hey, you did it go?” He asked.

He’s really rude and then seconds later he’s normal again?

“She thinks that one of her students did it, and to be honest, so do I.”

“Why would you think that?”

You sighed. You didn’t want to explain it. You didn’t know how. How are you going to say that this type of kills were perform by really well trained killers, and you knew because you are on of them.

“She said, that this type of kills is what they teach. One shot to the head, no leads, no sign of force entry. Everything is clean. That’s what they do. And I agree with her, this is not something we’ve seen before. I’ve told her that we’re going to see her classes, if the student is here, maybe we can catch something.” Spencer nodded. “Where’s Morgan?”

“He’s interviewing some students.” You nodded slowly and felt Spencer’s eyes on you. “Hey... I wanted to say sorry.”

You gave him a small smile and nodded. “It’s ok, sometimes we’re allowed to go crazy when it’s a case like this.”

“Yes, but the case is not why I went crazy...” he said but Morgan cut him off.

“Hotch just called me, we need to hurry. There’s been another kill.”

*****

PART 5 (2/2)

taglist: @itsarayofsunshine @whothefuckstolemykeds @haykayhesson @enigma-xlii @introvertedsin @mylovehes @infires420 @uwu-sebastianstan @my-life-is-here-soo @spencersdolore

If I didn’t tag you it’s because I can’t find you when I type your name. Sorry!

#criminal minds imagine #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds imagines #criminal minds #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid #spencer reid smut #spencer reid imagine #matthew gray gubler

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lordxgrinnyxboy · 4 years

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watching Flowers For Mrs. Harris! Act One!

(thanks Ellie and Mary! :D) (edit: contains spoilers!)

first thought “wow it’s super silent huh” my headphones weren’t on u-u ooooh Music

okay so we’re opening with a Table and Two People okay who are they okay are they having breakfast? I like the background. the background looks cool.

i’m go with crimson just bc i think scarlet would have a little more orange to it wouldn’t it? wait a second is the teapot a snail? my god that’s Adorable sir

“that was 31 years ago” moooooooooooood

awwww he wants her to sell his watch to do something nice for herself? that’s sweet :’3

i think the teapot is not a snail :(

“all i ever needed was here, right here” i’m heeeeeeeeeeere

is that real bread

awwwwwwwwwww

im emotionally invested in these two already

IT’S REAL BREAD?

wait he’s not...gonna die is he....he doesn’t DIE and then she sells the watch? please?

it’s dark and im Nervous

WAIT WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU MISS HIM

WHAT DO YOU MEAN DON’T YOU MISS YOUR

DID HE DIE? DID HE JUST WALK OFF STAGE AND DIE?

WHAT

YOU WERE VERY LUCKY?

IS HE DEAD?

oh my god he died did

is it real cake

is this what it feels like to step in one of those traps where it’s the loop of rope and you’re walking minding your own business and then it yoinks you up into the air by your ankle

it is real cake wow

but he’s DEAD? and it’s been a YEAR?

oh no Something’s Going To Happen? u-u

i like the the friend and i like Ada, both Very Good, Seem like Nice People.

oh to live close enough by a Buddy to drop by and surprise them with Cake :3

how fancy is this dress dear lord

haven’t got a read on Rich Lady yet but i hope she’s Friendly even if it is in a condescending rich person way like pls be nice to Ms. Ada thanks

love how that one strip of stage looks like a Tie going one way and a kind of Gregorian ShyGuy (from Kirby?) Monk the other way

i like that she’s found an Art Thing to be super into like? for some people it’s paintings or sculptures or theater or dance or literature or music or whatever and for her i guess it’s fashion/dresses! Fantastic! Good for her!

i support u ada live ur dream

“numbers” i don’t think there is any more on-brand certified Mr Maskell, immediate “yep that’s mr maskell”-inducing way that he couldve said that. that was some signature Mr. Maskell right there.

alright ‘bob’ who are you in love with who’s this ‘her’

pamler okay

still allergic to standing up i see

“just look at me. why would such beautiful perfection ever look at me” i see Gwyn was not a one-off

are his glasses frames leopard-print

HOW DARE YOU SMACK THOSE PAPERS OUT OF HER HAND WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU

ha. nerd. he’s got some cuteness to him. some endearing qualities. oh mr maskell.

shfjsfhajfhajk his hands he’s got good hands

he sees a pretty woman and just. does that. wow it’s like God just threw him at a windshield

hashtag petition to Help Bob. he needs it. desperately.

so. pamler and bob huh

WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON THAT CHAIR BOB YOU’RE GOING TO BREAK YOUR ANKLE

“he’s acting like a proper twit” HE IS BUT YOU DON’T HAVE TO SAY IT PAMLER

that’s right bob you take your chair and go have fun being wobbly

who is THAT 👀 the person who just put the box on the floor 👀

aw countess

“something to come home to” awww

don’t be mean to her ma’am you gotta support your friend! sure it might not be the most practical dream but dreams rarely are! let her have this!

DON’T FIGHT LADIES PLEASE

VIOLET COME ON DON’T DO THIS

DISAPPOINTED IN HER? WHAT?

HE’S NOT DEAD?

oh oh i see :(

😭😭😭

what about the watch? is Violet going to be even more upset if the coupon she left winds up winning? or?

oh hey is that my person who put the box on the floor but now in a tux?

DAMMIT BOB

BOB?

oh god Bob please Bob oh my god Bob, BOB no,

B O B

bob

oh pls tell me it’s gonna work out pls let her be able to go pls pls pls

my box person! heyoo!

oh no oh no don’t talk up bad news don’t be doing that

aw :(

okay but what about the watch?

pls tell me he wasn’t buried with it

bc if so it’s time to exhume a fella we got stuff to do

wait does she have some pennies put by in the flower vase tho

yeah ada let’s math this let’s get Bob to run the numbers and see how that money might be found let’s do it i believe in u lemme see your budget i’ll do it for free we’re gonna get you what you need ma’am

YEAH VIOLET GOOD GIRL

oh god my heart i’m. oh god 😭

ma’am pls take care of yourself you can’t enjoy your dress if you run urself into the ground trying to get it u-u

oh hi bobert

was it necessary to say ‘wonderland’ Like That OwO

ohmygod what did you just do with your head. do it again. i gotta rewind

oh 🙏 mr 🙏 maskell 🙏

oh no oh no mrs harris pls don’t get sick and have to spend all your savings on hospital we can’t have that pls don’t pls get inside

THAT LAUGH I’M

DAMMIT BOB

she’s about to give all her savings to her little client people isn’t she u-u

oh mrs h why you telling tales

MOULIN ROUGE??????

honestly Mrs H idk if Bob even needs an explanation in order to take a picture for you you could probably be like “hey. photo me” and he’d be like “okay”

oh his little laugh i’m 😭 we never got this with Gwyn 😭

is she about to die and the afterlife is where the dress is i mean for goodness’ sake i have Concerns

idk shouldn’t u make sure you’ve got a little bit extra for Just In Case scenarios?

PAMLER DON’T BE MEAN

OH NO OH NO WHY THIS WHY NOW

where’s the watch sell the watch!

THERE YA GO ALBERT TELL HER

i mean if he originally wanted her to sell his watch and use the money to do something nice for herself then technically anything she gets with the watch money is basically a present from him which means the watch’s “last thing I have left of you” properties are transferable to anything she uses the money to buy

TRUST ME MRS H THAT’S HOW IT WORKS. USE THE WATCH IT’S WHAT HE WANTED

😭😭😭

oh my god 😭

YEEHAW SHE’S GOING TO PARIS GOOD JOB MA’AM

#flowers for mrs harris spoilers #i've never been so stressed out invested in hoping someone succeeds in obtaining a Really Expensive dress before

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dorkylittleweirdo · 4 years

Text

crazy shit that happened during high school

freshman year:

my favorite teacher (pe coach) ended up being a pedophile. it’s kinda scary to think about bc like,, that was my favorite teacher and i trusted him and if he tried anything with me i don’t think i would’ve stopped him and just yikes. but yeah, it was a whole thing. once the school found out they got the police involved and he fled the state. they got him in the end but i mean,, i spent a lot of time in the secretary’s office crying about it bc i really trusted that dude and i was distraught over it. that might’ve been where my trust issues started??? fun stuff

my school shut down. like i mean,, bc it was a charter school and we had to get the charter renewed. but the board at my school wasn’t using their money the way they were supposed to. it was a whole thing, like the principal left that school year bc he knew what was happening, couldn’t stop them from doing it, and didn’t want to be part of it. so they had a lot of meetings that us kids were allowed to go to so we could see what was happening and all that. i only went to one and it was A Time bc the lady who was recording everything passed tf out and of course nobody was a doctor and my pipsqueak thirteen year old ass went “i know what to do” bc i Did so i had to help her which was a trip in and of itself. but anyways, the school’s charter got denied, and everyone had to transfer, but the district promised that we could go to any school we wanted, not just the one we would have to go to by zip code

sophomore year:

i ended up going to a private christian school. big fucking mistake. absolute disaster. nothing really happened that was crazy by their standards, but it was for me

so they have a house system. think of harry potter, it’s EXACTLY like that. we have points, we have competitions, we have all that extra stuff. it was such a time, like i don’t,, i don’t even know how to explain how fucking weird that shit was

i came out in the middle of class. the principal’s daughter was our sub and she goes “okay so everyone is gonna tell us something that nobody knows about them” so when it was my turn i go “so it’s not a secret and y’all should know this but clearly y’all don’t: i’m not straight”. silence. dead silence. we could hear the class next to us it was so quiet. some girl whispers “i knew it”. another girl leans over and whispers to my friend “i’m so sorry”. principal’s daughter gives me the most threatening, condescending smile i’ve ever seen and goes “thanks for sharing”. i had to come out to my mom that same day bc i told me friends and they panicked on my behalf bc when people found out that they were gay, the principal told their parents. and i was Not about to be outed by the principal. my mom has since told me that the principal never contacted her about it so i came out for nothing but i mean i really like being out so we’re good

so instead of prom, cult school has this thing called “the ball”. sophomores, juniors, and seniors are allowed to go bc there’s less than fifty people per grade so if sophomores don’t come, there’s not enough people. so i went bc my friends were all going and i was like “yeah why not might as well”. three dance lessons. three fucking dance lessons for this stupid ball that i didn’t dance once at. i literally had three panic attacks in the span of an hour at the second one, and then i had swim practice right after. fucking exhausted. felt like i ran five marathons by the time i got home. the last lesson i didn’t do any dancing, just vibed with my friend in the corner. so at the actual ball, same friend and i vibed at the tables the whole time. we went to the bathroom for like an hour and took mirror selfies and tried to make our asses look bigger bc we’re Like That

SO AFTER THE BALL, there was apparently a massive party and there was alcohol and stuff. so my friends and i were blissfully unaware bc nobody liked us bc who tf likes the school sinners. so we walked to get ice cream after in our fucking ballgowns and suits looking like All That. so the principal thought that it was one of us who hosted the party and we were like “??? what party?”. literally almost got in trouble bc the principal thought we were LYING. i told my mom and she takes No Shit, so when the principal called her demanding to know if i went to/hosted the party, she marched her ass down to the school and was like “i know y’all have something against mexicans and people who are different from y’all, but that’s no reason to blame my daughter for something that your so called “perfect” students did”. my mom got Heated, roasted the fuck out of the principal, then LEFT. principal never fucked with my mom after that

so there was a fire like across the street from the school. the fd told us to evacuate, but noooooo the school was like “god will protect us” i’m like “okay but i’m gay and apparently your god hates that so i think we’re gonna Perish”. the fucking POWER went out and they STILL wouldn’t let us go. my mom called to sign me out so i could go wherever the fuck i wanted in the school until my friend’s dad came to pick us up bc she couldn’t get there bc of the fire. so i vibed next door to my friends’ class and i was like “heeeeey god’s trying to kill the gays” and we laughed about that until my gay ass got saved lmaoooo

okay so this is the funniest memory i have. in chemistry once, our teacher took us outside and started digging a lil hole next to the school. and keep in mind, my chem teacher used to be a hardcore atheist druggie, like fucking meth and coke and shit. took a theology course and converted. so he’s really sweet and nice but he’s also Slightly mad scientist vibes. so anyways, he puts something in this little hole, lights it on fire. i forgot why he did it, but i was standing back with him and one of the exchange students and the three of us watch in Horror as the rest of the class makes a circle around the fire and start doing some weird dance and saying something. it wasn’t like a chant, idk what to call it, but they were like counting like “and one, and two, and three, and four” and then the dance would get more intense and they’d get louder. so eventually they were screaming and going apeshit and i looked at my teacher and he’s just,, watching them do this. i’m like “and i’m satan, huh?”. like these kids really trying to summon the devil but i’m the bad one bc i like girls

junior year:

so technically this was during the summer but i’m putting it here. they have like a house party after the school year ends. i made cookies. apparently they “looked weird” so nobody ate them, two of my soon to be teachers kept insulting them. i called my mom to pick me up, took my cookies with me, got back in the car in tears. had to have a whole conversation with the principal and those two teachers so they could apologize bc i wanted to leave the school after that. dw tho, i took my cookies to the guards at my summer camp and they appreciated the hell out of them bc they were Very Good Cookies

so my ap bio teacher was an enabler. i was his favorite bc i wasn’t a religious nut and it was very obvious that i believed in science and not whatever the hell this cult was doing with their creationist bs. also he was a parasitologist and i’m super into parasitology so he had fun talking about it to someone who both understood and was extremely interested in the topic. i rolled up to class one day like “hey so i’m gonna buy hissing cockroaches from amazon, if my parents find out and don’t let me keep them do you want them??” and he’s like “yeah”. i brought them to class a few times and everyone Hated it but my teacher was like ayyyyy. and everyone thought he was either and atheist or agnostic, so when some girl asked how he thought mary conceived jesus to see what he said, he looked at me like “y’all hear somethin/hel p” and i go “parthenogenesis” and he Went With It, talking about how it was theoretically possible in humans but we ignored the fact that the baby would’ve been a girl bc the class is dumb none of them have ever heard of parthenogenesis before jesus is the true trans icon we all need

my art teacher was my favorite and she knows that i’m gay. she’s the only teacher from my school that i’m still in contact with. so every big project we did, i made it gay. and i knew, and my friends knew, and she knew, but the rest of the class had no idea. i’m like presenting my project and the class would get sus and they’re like “so are those two really good friends” and i’m like “so she has a rainbow heart on her choker and she has a lesbian symbol on her shirt”. the class was still confused and my friend yells “they’re LESBIANS”. it was iconic

my brit lit teacher was bi. she never said it, but i know she was. always talked about how much she hated men, then was like “women are very very good”. no way this woman was straight. so we read dracula and it’s got that Subtext, so one time i leaned over to my friend bc he sat next to me and i go “the Homoerotic Subtext”. and i didn’t realize that the teacher was right in front of me until she tapped my desk and goes “it gets better”, told me a page number that i flipped to, and it was Even More Gay and i was like 😏. also she assigned me a gay poet for my poetry project and i talked about that for my whole presentation in front of the class and it was the biggest paragraph in my essay and i got 100% on it even tho i choked at the beginning. also i mentioned in passing that i liked sappho and she goes “ooh i love sappho” i’m like “ma’am please leave this cult and get you a gf”

senior year:

i left the cult finally. went to the one school i actually liked. i made friends who actually like me and they were patient and they were amazing and i love them all very much even if i’ll never tell them. my classmates were great, v friendly, i had a great time. however,

so many fires. school got cancelled like five times bc of how bad the fires were

the school shooting. i don’t think i need to go further into that, it’s pretty self explanatory

covid. again, don’t need to go further into that, v self explanatory

#school #high school #school stories

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priorireverte · 3 years

Photo

Congratulations Snapey!

Your application for Severus Snape has been accepted. I really love how much depth and thought you put in to how his history and life shaped him in to the man he was when he died. I am so excited to see how he’ll be shaped by his untimely un-demise. If he ever gets past the initial panic and doomandgloom.

Please look to the checklist for the next steps and reach out if you have any questions!

OUT OF CHARACTER:

NAME & PRONOUNS: Snapey, He/Him

TIMEZONE:GMT

ACTIVITY LEVEL: Probably 2 paras a week with occassional explosions of activity flooding the dash

ANYTHING ELSE: Got a looooot of experience. Lots. Also my Snape is both a bad person and a good person because I read the books. I don’t know if this is the place for it, but Severus, being a product of the 1970s has a lot of internalised homophobia, and while, I, Snapey, like to think I’m pretty up to date on prejudice and privilege, this grumpy old turd isn’t. If I post something that’s ruining your ability to enjoy the RP even if it isn’t in the triggers list, or you’re not in the thread, let me know. I never want fun to become work.

CHARACTER DETAILS:

NAME: Severus Snape

BIRTHDATE: January 9, 1960

DEATHDATE: May 2, 1998

GENDER, PRONOUNS, and SEXUALITY: Male, he/him, probably heteroromantic, definitely bisexual but low self image, so get past that, suitors. He is comfortably male despite his more feminine aspects.

BLOOD STATUS: Half-blood

HOUSE ALUMNI: Slytherin

OCCUPATION: Returned

FACECLAIM: Adrien Brody/ Louis Garrel, either works, got plenty of age appropriate gifs. Got more sneers for LG tho :D

CHARACTER BACKGROUND:

POSTBELLUM:

At first Severus thought that what he was experiencing was the effects of a brain starved of blood and oxygen, combined with hypovolemic shock. Nothing made sense, but that was all well and good when he thought the world around him was a delusion. His behaviour at first was unusual, almost excitable. Every night he went to sleep, sure that this would be the time he never awoke and finally his consciousness would fade into the ether. Morning always came. And oddly, his dying neurons never provided an image of either of the two wizards he had served for more than half his life….nor did they show him the boy he’d made it his life’s work to protect in anything but scraps of conversation and images on newspapers. All in all the delusion was a strange one but it had to be false…didn’t it?

It started to become clear to him that this was not the case, and he was neither awaiting trial for his crimes nor being nursed back to health- the wound that should have been on his neck was not even visible, though sometimes he was sure he almost felt the sharp stab of Nagini’s fangs into his throat. Finally, he realised his position, and the old guarded Severus returned.

PERSONALITY:

Severus’s personality appears to many to be a mystery. Equal parts anger and sadness, all held tight behind a number of walls. Deeply traumatised by the events of his childhood and youth, Severus hides a great deal, afraid to show too much of any emotion, lest it be considered weakness. The only emotion he allows himself to experience around others is anger, since his upbringing has told him it is the only feeling a man is allowed to have. Rage makes him feel for a moment to be powerful.

Severus is quintessentially Slytherin, despite what the late Albus Dumbledore may have implied with his heinous ‘sort too soon’ comment. Resourceful, practical, and driven, Severus has the makings of a great wizard. If only he had got his name into the history books for something else.

His strengths lie in logic, creativity, and problem solving, but he takes them too far at times, seeking to analyse and overanalyse every action. Looking too deeply for too long.

Severus, despite his former jobs as Head of Slytherin, and later, Headmaster, is not a leader. He has never been such, and never will be. He is solitary partially through choice, as he feels it more comfortable than to have to watch his words and wait for whatever fresh hell will be foist upon him.

His interaction with other living things has always been a weakness, be it plants, creatures magical and mundane, or other humans. He does not trust them and they often do not trust him. And considering all that he is….can you blame them?

BRIEF OVERVIEW OF FAMILY:

Severus’ family comes in three parts.

His home, a muggle father tossed about on the sea of Thatcherism in the industrial north and a pureblood witch for a mother who had greater concerns than the welfare of her son. It was not a happy home, even though it had moments of brightness.

Lily Evans, his best friend during childhood and a lamplight in the dark of the almost slums of Cokeworth. Her effects on his character and personhood were immeasurable.

Lastly, the Death Eaters, and specifically those he was at school with. As a boy with nowhere to belong, caught between the bright academia of Hogwarts and the dingy grime of Cokeworth summers, the Death Eaters offered him something he had long craved. A disenfranchised, talented youth, he lapped up their promises and made one of the defining choices, and mistakes of his life.

HISTORY

Poor, working-class, neglected, too smart for his own good. Severus had the deck stacked against him at an early age. Despite that, or perhaps because of it, as the cliche goes, Severus succeeded monumentally in the Wixen world. A star Potioneer, an expert in the Dark Arts, an occumplished Occlumens. But those would be victories hard won, working twice as hard as his housemates, for scant praise.

While his childhood was grim, there was some hope, borne by Lily Evans. The girl was bright and vibrant and importantly, a witch. Severus did not know tthe manner of her importance on his future only that he was sure she would be a part of it.

The first stumbling block to their friendship was their Sorting, but even that did not yet spell doom. They still spent plenty of time together, exploring spellcraft and potions, though Severus’ interest was always very practical and with a Darker bent to it. Their housemates however, had different opinions. While Lucius Malfoy’s favour protected him for his first two years from much of the open Blood purity rhetoric by which point he had proved his worth to his housemates, it was always there in the periphery, and the poison dripped slowly into his ear, along with the promises of power and whispers of a world where he never had to deal with muggles like Petunia and his father.

Come his fifth year, in the dead of winter, his distrust for authority, bolstered by the lack of interference from his teachers into the campaign of bullying he had endured, hit a new peak. Not only had his terrorisers attempted to kill him (Severus surprisingly believed better of Sirius Black than to use an ignorant friend as a murder weapon- and worse of James Potter, sure that the other boy had only come along because of the consequences it would have on Remus Lupin’s continued freedom), but there was to be no speaking of the incident and certainly no real material punishment. Add in the stress of standardised testing and the pressure to prove himself every bit the wizard his mother’s blood made him, and once summer rolled around and the sun and blood was high, he lashed out at his stalwart friend, ending a seven year friendship in an instant.

He tried to make amends at first, but pushed away, sought some small comfort in the bosom of brotherhood. And soon enough he was standing shoulder to shoulder with them in a war. As time passed and he began to realise that the aims of this organisation, and more importantly, the methods, were not only distasteful but in direct opposition to those morals he still held, his loyalty began to waver. And once again, a push in the form of an overheard prophecy and Severus found himself knelt at Albus Dumbledore’s feet on a windy November night begging for mercy. For himself, but more importantly for his old friend, no faith in the man who had been his master.

And so began the cat and mouse game, where Severus was always the mouse, tossed between two cats, two masters. Adding to the stress of being a teacher barely older than his oldest students was the constant threat, the fear of discovery, and of the sword hanging above the Potter’s heads.

When news of the Halloween attack on Godric’s Hollow reached him, the bottom fell out of his stomach. He felt -and not for the first time- that perhaps his death at Remus Lupin’s hands in the Shrieking Shack at 15 had been fated, and it was this divertion from the tapestry woven for him that had lead to so much anguish. Certainly he felt like a dead man walking then. And all the worse for knowing that the real target of the attack had survived. It was in an attempt to make amends that he put his life into Dumbledore’s hands. He clung to the last shred of Lily inside himself and out.

Harry Potter- the boy who would occupy many of his waking moments. Even before the boy came to Hogwarts, before seeing the cocky, miniature James Potter sitting in his class, glaring at him with Lily’s eyes, Severus lay awake many nights wondering how the boy would turn out. He hoped, of course, for more of Lily. More of that bright, almost holy, goodness. Time and distance had toyed with his memories somewhat, so when he recalled Lily, he no longer thought of the arguments, or the paranoid way he had viewed her friends, or even his anger at her. A resigned grief and loss was what he felt. But Severus had never had the easy way of things, so when fateful 1991 rolled around, while he knew he was in for seven long years, he could never have predicted how long and how hard they would be.

Firstly, the boy had neither of his parent’s genius. He was lazy with his work and only too eager to play silly quidditch games, putting himself at risk and Severus into mild heart palpitations. Not only did he have to continue to worry about the safety record of his potions class, but watch an ever worsening parade of Defence against the Dark Arts teachers, and a worrying resurgence of the old ways in the Slytherin common room. He tried his best to be the teacher he had never had, but in loco parentis meant something different from his perspective, and he was a stern taskmaster. His colleagues, those he should have been able to bond with at least a little were all older than him, and somehow less mature. They were frivolous in many ways he could not afford to be, they seemed to have no idea of the depths to which mankind could sink, and they doted on Potter.

Three years and multiple apoplectic rages later, terror re-entered Severus’ life. A growing itch on his arm, a darkening Mark until at last, the thing Dumbledore had somehow known would come, came. The Dark Lord returned. And so did Severus. Now he was older, and less susceptible to the Dark Lord’s flattery and promises, but the knife’s edge he walked grew ever sharper the more he ingratiated himself into the Dark Lord’s graces, no longer part of what had once been akin to a family.

And so the Order was resurrected, but he didn’t belong there either, and no-one let him forget it. Nevermind that he was now not only supposed to teach the boy Potions-which he had no skill in- but also Occlumency -which he was even worse at. As the year grew darker, with an ever more invasive ministry presence, and an ever more combative pupil, he found himself removing more and more memories, reliving them each time he returned them to the cramped tense space in his mind. He could feel all he had worked so hard for crumbling beneath him; he was losing his Slytherins to a side he dare not tell them the cruel truth of, the boy he had promised to protect was increasingly reckless, and under it all, like a viper hiding in the long grass, was the very real threat of the rising Dark Lord.

When at long last, the Headmaster aquiesced to what had now become his yearly routine of applying for the Dark Arts post, he knew that a monumental shift in the balance was coming. And he was not wrong. Not only was he to protect Potter, but Draco Malfoy. He was now a trusted lieutenant of the Dark Lord, and almost sole confidant to Headmaster Dumbledore. Severus retreated further into himself, socially and mentally. He knew he did not know all that either wizard had planned, but he knew enough. He knew that he had been used even worse than he had thought. There was no protecting Potter for the memory of those lost, or the hope of those yet living, there was just …maintaining him. Until the time was right. Until the finl chess move, trading one piece for the black King. It ate away at him. Every time he saw Lily’s eyes in that hated face, and knew that the boy must die, had always had to die. And then clever Draco, letting Death Eaters into the school. And first he had to stun Flitwick, in the midst of a growing companionship, if not quite friendship, and then….on the tower…

It probably came as no surprise to his supposed allies that he had betrayed them. And though he now had as sure a position among the Death Eaters as any wixen, was now truly embraced by them. It felt dirty. He felt dirty. Every spell he cast, no matter which side it was for, no matter to what end. It was as if the smog of Cokeworth, kept at bay for so long had finally spread throughout his veins, curled around his nerves, even around his magic.

The office, gifted to him by men he held nothing but disiluusioned distaste for felt colder and lonelier than his self-imposed isolation in the Dungeons had. He had long felt alone, but never had he been so truly alone as when he sat, surrounded by long dead wixen who had held the post before him, in a school that had been more pain than home. But he endured. He had sworn to. It was perhaps the only thing he had left to cling to. And so he did what he could, to lessen the suffering of others, to save them where he could. And the whole year, he knew that should he choose, he could fall back in with the old crowd, could abandon the plans a portrait whispered to him. Could deserve the hate in every glance from old colleagues, every whisper from the students. Could be the traitor they all thought him.

Only stolen glances at a scrap of paper never meant for him and a torn photograph kept him alive those dark days. It was almost a blessing to be ousted from the castle. Almost. The boy was alive, though Severus knew it couldn’t last, mustn’t be allowed to last.

And then came the battle. The grass he had picnicked on torn up and the dirt churned into mud. The loft battlements brought down to rubble. And he couldn’t find Potter to tell him, if he even would have listened. Lucius gave him a summons from the Dark Lord, and unwilling to break cover when there was still a chance to find the boy, he answered it. Back in that dirty old Shack, back where he should have died at 15. And this time, 23 long, hard-fought years later, he did.

And in those final moments, blood and memories pouring from him, all that he was, muggle blood flooding out along with the wixen, left him, but at least, at that last moment, he saw her eyes again, and there was no hate to be found. A small comfort, but a comfort nonetheless. He hoped he had done enough.

OOC EXPLORATION:

WHAT ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO? Getting to flex my RP muscles in a seriously challenging environment, exploring a post-war Severus who isn’t free, who isn’t happy, and who has to once more adapt and survive.

ANYTHING ELSE?

The cot creaked as he sat up. Another day in this fresh hell. Only it couldn’t really be hell, because there were others here who didn’t deserve it. He closed his eyes briefly, but only briefly, because while there were safe people here, there were also very unsafe ones.

His hypervigilance, forged as a child, sharpened during his school years and honed to a razor’s edge by his years of spying and supervising children around cauldrons served him well as he made his way towards the canteens, watching as another no-longer dead wixen was dropped off. The Unspeakables still hadn’t let on their plans or what they knew of these Returned.

He waited patiently for some space, knowing he would feel safer with a cup of coffee in his hand, and less irritable to boot. As he poured his cup he turned suddenly, the hairs on the back of his neck standing up. He was being watched. He didn’t know if it was by friend or foe, not that he had many of the former. Severus almost hoped it was the latter. He had too often caught glances thrown his way that held an uncomfortable level of respect.

Of course he wanted that, had always strived to be respected….but this was…not right. He drew his issued robes tighter about himself. The mug felt warm in his hand, and he slowly raised it and took a sip, peering from behind the greasy fringe at his fellow inmates, daring them to meet his gaze.

Show yourself…

#prioriannouncement #prioriacceptance #severus snape #admin.emmy

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multifandom-gabi · 5 years

Text

things i loved about descendants 3

obviously spoilers below

(writing this as i watch)

- dedicating to cameron at the beginning 🥺

- THE OPENING NUMBER

- the proposal

- CELIA AND DIZZY EATING CAKE

- audrey’s hair, i actually kinda love it

- OLD MAL OMG I’M CRYING

- “hey dad”

- HARRY AND GIL TAKING THE BIKES AND THEN ESCAPING

- the whole gang having to become friends

- GIL BEING AMAZED BY THE TREES AND FLOWERS

- “flowers are pretty”

- “i can feel you lurking” “good”

- “do you think his puppies would be able to talk too?”

- THE WHOLE “NIGHT FALLS” SCENE

- mal and uma almost highfiving

- ICE BREAKER

- “summer school, no wonder she wanted revenge”

- “hey, we should play that ice breaker”

- JAY AND GIL THROUGH THE ENTIRE BUSH SCENE, DISNEY REALLY SAID GAY RIGHTS

- “this is free right?”

- THE WAY CELIA TREATS DIZZY AND THE TWINS AW

- doug and evie’s kiss even tho malevie is superior

- even tho mal x uma is kinda growing on me oops

- carlos helping ben 🥺

- quick break to say: man i really miss cameron

- okay and we’re back from crying

- BEN’S FACIAL HAIR

- HARRY SEEING JANE FOR THE FIRST TIME OMG

- “DETAILS TO FOLLOW”

- “HEY JAY THANK YOU FOR SAVING ME GORGOUS FACE”

- “is there an insult in there that i missed?”

- “or maybe a salad?”

- “i don’t know who’s birthday it is but i want this cake”

- mal and uma’s convo 🥺

- UMA AND MAL HOLDING HANDS AND CASTING THE SPELL TOGETHER

- “together”

- I LOVE GIL

- harry laughing at chad

- no mal don’t freaking tell them their closing the barrier

- EVERYTHING WAS GOING SO WELL THEY WERE A TEAM

- CELIA WHAT THE JGJWKWIGOS

- “we’re your family”

- THE FLASHBACKS OMG MY HEART

- THIS IS MAKING ME SO SAD THIS IS THE LAST MOVIE

- uma and harry helping mal

- UMA AND HARRY CHEERING OMG

- mal telling everyone hades is her father

- HADES AND THE BEAST GROWLING AT EACH OTHER

- hades and mal 🥺

- okay this scene is about to make me cry

- “speech oh fancy one”

- I AM CRYING

- CARLOS’S “YES”

- the 4 VK’S watching the barrier come down and chanting the spell omg

- “my plan”

- i can’t believe the movie is ending 🥺

- OKAY BUT THE ENDING NUMBER

- EVERYONE DANCING ON THE BRIDGE

- UMA AND MAL TOGETHER

- JAY AND GIL ARE GONNA TRAVEL TOGETHER

- HARRY ASKING IF MAL IS TAKEN?!

- HARRY WANTS EVERY GIRL???

- hades meeting ben

- “welcome to auradon”

- “cause we’re rotten... to the core”

- i’ve already seen the tribute to cameron 3 times but i’m still crying

- “you mean everything to us”

- he really did

- cameron, you should be so proud ❤️

#descendants #descendants 3 #mal #evie #jay #carlos #cameron boyce #uma #harry #gil #jaylos #malevie #disney

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peaky-shelby · 5 years

Text

Margaritas.

Pairing: first pov!reader x Chris Evans

Request by @tfandtws : Heyo! I’d like to request number 21 with chris evans from the friends prompt list. A friends to lovers kinda thing., if that’s ok. Anyway, can’t wait to read more of your work and thank you for tagging me.

🤗❤️Request by @tits-out-for-cevans : Hewwo! Can I request no.8 from the friend’s prompt list? I know it’s cliche but I just looooove the best friends turn lovers genre 😅

warnings: too many feels, hits close at home

words: 1.601

author’s note: writing is my way of copying. This one comes from the heart and it means a lot to me. I hope you will read and relate to this. I didn’t use both prompts on this part but this will be a three part story so be patient please thank you♥️

Prompts:

21. “I turned to a friend for comfort, and instead I found everything that I’ve ever been looking for my whole life.„

8. “I’m not in the friend zone„ “you’re mayor of the zone!„

I knew i shouldn’t have come to this party, Hangovers are more expensive than the drinks and the drinks are not worth the hangovers but here I am on my third glass of a fine Margarita and on my way to a very expensive hangover. The only thing that makes it worth is spending time with chris before he leaves again tomorrow but the irony is that having him around is the reason I have to drink so much. You’d think an entire year apart would kind of force me to move on from all the feelings but I guess we’d both be wrong. I mean all these years away from high school didn’t because How can you forget your first true love? The high school crush that you failed a couple exams for, the person you started wearing make-up for. hoping he’ll see you as something more than his best friend but god damn he never did. No matter where you go and what you do you will always imagine him as your Nicholas sparks Co-star, especially if he happens to be a hollywood actor you see almost everyday on your TV.

I did move on, I had closure with myself, I let go and was fine knowing that even tho He’d never be my boyfriend he was my friend and he was there for me no matter what.. but a burning tree will remain burned even if you turn off the fire, there will always be burn marks, and that’s ok, that’s what the Margarita’s are for. Of course margaritas can be dangerous too.. they can lighten the mood but they can also bring a shit storm of feelings, that’s why you should never have too many- trust me I know.

“Jeez- are you even listening to me from that Zone over there?” Seb’s voice brought all my thoughts into a halt. Truth be told, i hadn’t even realized he was next to me or even talking to me. I snapped out immediately, stopped staring at Chris and gave him my greatest ‘what-the-fuck-you’re-talking-about?’ look. “I mean the friend zone!” my look changed immediately to the angry version of the ‘what-the-fuck-you’re-talking-about?’ look.

“I am not in the friend zone!” I complained with the squeaky voice I use when I’m trying to argue but I Know I am wrong.

“You are Mayor of the zone!” I punched him in the shoulder as a response, i knew it wouldn’t really affect him since he was like ten times bigger than me but I couldn’t help myself.

“Being in the friend zone would mean that I am still in love with him-”

“which of course you are not”

“Exactly! I've moved on, It’s been years and I’m finally happy you know? I am happy for him going around Europe making his dreams come true, meeting hot girls that he clearly he can’t stop talking about with beautiful blue eyes and blonde hair, while I am here in Boston.. Taking care of 7 year old kids in school that wear shirts with Captain America and his face on them... and carrying bags and pencils and fucking hats and textbooks-- where do they even find the those annoying spinners--” I took a deep breath, calming myself and looking at sebastian with a very fake smile “I am fine! Totally fine!”

“You need a therapist-” “I need a new job” I paused looking down at my almost empty glass “and another margarita!” With that I headed to the bar to fill my glass again, I knew I just had to be patient and tomorrow he’d leave again and I’d be free of this spell. Standing there I felt a very familiar touch on my back and oh god that smell-

“She just texted me!” He said, I looked at the bartender wondering where that margarita was. “she says she’s in Vienna and that we would have fun there together- God why is she playing with me like that?”

“do I have to wait too long for that margarita?” I asked, ignoring chris’ complains. “Ma’am you’ve already had three!” “Who are you? my mum?” ok maybe I snapped, poor man was not at fault here but I needed that alcohol. I turned to Chris who wouldn’t even look away from his phone, this girl had him wrapped around her little finger and he wasn’t letting go. “She’s playing with you because you are letting her!” as if on queue the bartender finally gave me that margarita, I moved away from the bar with it and tried to make my way out to the garden alone but chris was followed behind me mumbling all the time about that girl.

“Why can’t I just have her for myself? First she’s all romantic than she says she wants to keep it an open relationship, which would be cool but is driving me crazy because I am so in love with her but she’s just doesn’t care and I keep chasing it, because that’s what you are supposed to do when you are in love right? Chase it and I am and I will keep doing it--”

“You’re not in love with her Chris!” I shouted, finally turning around to look at him. We were now on the garden of the bar, there weren’t many people there and you could only hear a little from the music playing inside the bar. Chris had finally looked up from his phone, his eyes were giving away his confusion and I knew I wouldn’t be able to stop what I started “You’re addicted, there’s a difference!” I spotted a bench a little farther away and started walking towards it, chris always following behind me. After I sat down i took a long sip from my glass, making sure it’d hit me well. “You wouldn’t chase it like that if you were so in love with her, you’d just be patient!”

“That doesn’t make sense!” “It’s not supposed to make sense!” I sighed again, looking down at my glass. “and you shouldn’t break your heart over an addiction.. its not worth it.”

“Have you been listening to any of the things I’ve been telling you about her—”

“Yes i have! And All i hear is how much you love her body and her kisses and her blue eyes and how you wanna kiss her all the time and how you will blindly follow her- That’s addiction!” he really wasn’t getting it “oh god you want me to give you the obvious example? I didn’t fall in love with you because of your pretty eyes and your pretty face, I fell in love with you because you cared about me, because you were nice to me, because you were there for me! And when you made it clear that this would never happen, I backed away even if I still loved you and yes I hurt myself because of it but it was worth it because it was true love, it was pure and it taught me things... even when you found out you did everything you could to make sure you wouldn’t hurt me or make me feel awkward. You didn’t use me, you stayed my friend! That was... you... were worth breaking my heart over.” I gulped, we had promised that we would never talk about this and for the last years it actually worked but since he wouldn’t listen I had to make my point clear “and it’s not supposed to make sense, it’s not supposed to be about her body or her kisses or her sex, there’s not supposed to be one reason because if that reason is taken away than you are left with nothing. And love is supposed to be unconditional.” His eyes were piercing right through me, it was terrifying, I bit my lip as if it would give me strength to keep going “it’s supposed to be about looking at the stars and wondering if that person looks at them too, it’s reading Nicholas sparks books that don’t make sense and feeling like you just read the Bible. It’s looking in someone else’s eyes and seeing the entire universe before you, it’s butterflies in the stomach, it’s heartache but not a chase. You don’t chase who you love, you let him go.”

I hadn’t realized that I was crying until a tear fell on the margarita making it splash. “(Y/n)?” He whispered my name so softly, making me look up at him and his blue eyes.

“I’m just telling you it’s not worth it, ruining your life for her. Find something better.„ I got up and handed him my glass. Suddenly all I needed was my bed and my pillow, I just had to leave this place. “I’ll see you when you come back I guess... or you know on Monday when Harry walks in with his captain America shirt again.” He stood up, leaving the glass on the bench we were sitting.

“You’re leaving already?”

“It’s late and I’ve had to many margaritas so I’ll get an Uber and go home. Ok?”

He looked at me like he wanted to say more but like always he hid his words behind his lips and only gave me a hug. It felt safe to be in his arms, it always does. I stepped back slowly, raising my head a little to look at him one last time. The small gab between us made my heart beat like the drums but it wasn’t because I felt nervous. The way he was looking down at me was almost like he was putting a spell on me and all I could think about was stepping closer and kissing him, showing him how much I still love him but instead I just gave him one last smile before walking away. There was a time I really believed that it would work out between us like it does in all the movies but now I knew that I was only fooling myself, it’s what I do best.

Evans taglist:

@softbibby

#marvel #imagines #chris evans imagine #chris evans fic #chris evans fan fic #chris evans #chris evans x reader #chris evans x oc #chris evans one shot

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kpop-rambles · 4 years

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Goodbye 2019. Hello 2020.

To celebrate the new year - which a lot of people are celebrating right now, I’m sure, unfortunately not me yet - I decided to create this post. I don’t know how to explain it but if you like kpop, keep reading!

My Top 3 Songs of 2019

1. SKZ - Miroh

This song got me into my now ult group, Stray Kids. Those 9 boys have honestly made this year 10x better for me. Chan’s VLives definitely helped me when I was upset, and the members made me feel emotions by their side. I’m so glad that add of Miroh appeared and I chose to watch it because I may have not gotten into Stray Kids without it.

2. ATEEZ - Wave

Again, another song that got me into the group. I heard the song in a video where they played huge jenga at Kcon... I think? Anyways, this song is another banger and you completely fall in love with it first listen. You won’t regret listening to this.

3. TWICE - Fancy

I got into TWICE when they released YES OR YES, but FANCY is the song that you can’t not fall in love with. I did on my 2nd listen and man, if you’re saying you didn’t learn the dance and bopped to this song, you are LYING because- let’s be honest - everyone said FANCY SOTY.

Groups I began stanning in 2019 its felt like forever tho

Stray Kids - March 26th. You think I would forget?

ATEEZ - August 18th. Another date I remember, because I spent a good 2 hours getting to memorize the members name and faces. Was so happy when I finally did it.

iKON - Honestly, I was more of a Double B stan since January until Hanbin left. I loved their songs but I never got to know the rest of the members, except for Jinhwan.

ChungHa - Snapping dragged me in. That’s all I gotta say. Although, ngl, Gotta Go was something I always tried to dance to.

KARD - Again, Bomb Bomb just pulled me into the fandom. The rest of their discography made me stay. I sang along to Bomb Bomb everyday for a good 3 months. It was honestly EVERYTHING to me and then Dumb Litty came and stole my heart and KARD did it AGAIN.

Mamamoo - gogobebe. Do I really need to say anything else?

GOT7 - I’m pretty sure I got into them because, well everyone knows GOT7. They’re a name everyone knows if you like kpop, so I just wanted to get into them. Eclipse and You Calling My Name are songs I’ll dance and singalong to in the right mood and right part of the song. But their personalities dragged me in. I’m pretty sure BamBam also attracted me when he was on Stray Kids reality show.

Day6 - Time Of Our Life. I decided to listen to it because Seungmin of Stray Kids was a big fan of them and I was like, it shouldn’t hurt to try. Seungmin made me want to watch and Day6 made me want to stay. They don’t make ANY bad songs.

Everglow - March 18. Listened to Bon Bon Chocolat when it came out, and I was honestly scared ppl were gonna sleep on them cause ITZY debuted a month before. Fortunately, everyone noticed their talent.

BigBang - I dunno just listened to one of their songs. And, of course, I fell in love. Too late to stan them while they were active, but I’m expecting something in 2020... just saaying.

NCT - All of the subunits. Honestly there were so many of them, I spent time taking tests to tell them apart. The struggle to stan these boys. Instantly fell in with the Dreamies. And then I found out they weren’t a fixed unit... My heart shattered. It’s still breaking because 4 OF THEM ARE LEAVING. or left. I dunno.

Tomorrow by Together - They were probably the most anticipated group of this year. I remember ppl hyping them up in October of 2018! Predebut stan right here. (I just remembered that I thought the preview of each member was coming out in age order and thinking that Beomgyu was the youngest. And I was just like WHERE IS HEUNINGKAI FROM?!?!)

ITZY - remember when everyone thought that itzy’s debut was rushed because info about them was leaked. yeah, i forgot too. anyways, again I was a predebut stan.

(G)- idle - i always listened to their title tracks and I began stanning them during Queendom after their Fire cover im listening to 2ne1 2015 mama fire performance rn lol.... omg bom’s han cover just started playing. spotify is watching me guys.

Somi - Birthday was a bop. fight me. outfits sucked, gotta agree with that opinion I didn’t rlly know much about IOI but I started stanning because Jenchu were fangirling to it i mean jennie twerked for it!

Jimin Park - I’m out here still streaming STAY BEAUTIFUL. honestly she’s so loveable. her personality and her voice are everything. how can you not like her

My Top 5 Groups of the Year

1. STRAY KIDS - A lot of the reasons I luv them are the same as ATEEZ. That’s why ateez are close to being my number one, but honestly these 9 boys are everything to me. 9 or NONE FOREVER. They have been through so much this year and I hope they STAY strong for 2020. In their 2020 seasons greeting they announced a full album next year, so I’m ready to follow these boys on their journey no matter how many stay or leave. I’m a STAY for a reason.

2. ATEEZ - PERSONALITY. I’m also a sucker for groups that shove their love for each other in your face. 8 makes 1 team, y’know? Hongjoong and Mingi are amazing rappers, Jongho, Wooyoung and San’s vocals tho, Yunho and Seonghwa’s deep voices are the death of me, and Yeosang dancing. They’re talented and luvable and that’s all I need for an ult group. also all their songs are bops

3. Mamamoo - Honestly would’ve tied with Twice but these I’m a sucker for them as ppl as well, and I need that to luv a group. they ain’t fake, they slap information in your face and they are POWERFUL WOMAN. (Not saying twice aren’t ofcourse) And these girls vocals are on POINT. Moonbyul is rapper material, but have you heard the girl song? What an angel. Their songs are all slaps, especially the most recent ones.

4. TWICE - This was their year? yes or yes. Fancy soty. Feel Special was a great title track, don’t get me wrong, bUT HAVE YOU HEARD THE FULL ALBUM. Every song is my AMAZING. omg rainbow is playing

5. NCT DREAM - These boys stole my heart, I only stanned nct because of them. Honestly seeing the 00 line leave breaks my heart.

My Top 5 girl group and boy group songs

gg songs were honestly so hard to pick, they thrived and SO many good songs were made in 2019. But here is my list.

1. Fancy - soty

2. Hip - this song was everything from the choreo to the song itself to the girls energy performing it

3. Psycho - came out like last week but it’s in everyone's top 10 of this year. Beautiful song that won’t get outta my head. getwellsoonwendy.

4.Violeta - this is another song that won’t get out of my head. honestly none of these songs will. ok so the final dance part after the drop of violeta pisses me off because the dance could is so powerful and that part comes and it’s such a disappointment but it’s the only part I can do so i shouldn't complain but the song itself is very catchy. I don’t want these girls to disband even if the votes were rigged because they make a good group and sing bangers. i don't want them to leeeave.

5.Lion - the song is just so powerful. other songs they’ve made are good, but the chorus is usually a disappointment because the pre chorus is so good but EVERYTHING is great about Lion. Didn’t like it at first for some reason, i dunno why, but once you give it a few more listens you’ll fall in love.

Now onto the boy groups. They made quite a few bangers this year as well.

1. Miroh - It’s my no.1 of the year. watchu expect?

2. Wave - and this is my no.2. Again, what else would I put here?

3. Run Away - what. a. bop. still can’t get out of my head. Crown was a disappointment to me after 1000 listens but not Run Away. A bonus is the Harry Potter references. With that I just was head over heels in love. Txt didn’t fail to disappoint with their comeback even if it was pushed back.

4. Boom - This song made me fall in love with the talent that NCT DREAM holds despite being so young. Sang along for a few months. Actually, it’s still in my head.

5. Make It Right - I was doing title tracks for all these but then I realised there has to be an exception because I just really like this song, especially the one featuring Lauv. Boy with luv wasn’t it for me but every other song on Persona is a straight up masterpiece (ok an exaggeration but u get what i mean)

Now onto the soloists (they’re all female, sry not sry)

1. Chica - I was debating whether to put Snapping or this but decided with Chica. Honestly the vocals, the song, the dance, the MESSAGE, is everything. I love it, it empowers woman, it makes ME feel good, and it’s what some people really need sometimes. So, thank you ChungHa.

2. Gotta Go - another bop by our queen ChungHa, she really ruled this year. I didn’t stan her when it came out but that doesn’t mean I didn’t do the ‘deulshi’ part whenever I heard it. iconic.

3. Twit - Again another iconic bop from this year. (i thought this masterpiece came out last year, i dunno why but it just is so 2018 for some reason? I dunno) Hwasa’s solo debut really was everything. So was Moonbyul’s which unfortunately didn't make it on the list but I would say it’s in between 5th to 7th for me.

4. Stay Beautiful - Such a beautiful song, it was a shame Jamie had to leave but she left JYP saying that they lost smth PRECIOUS and they would regret it and she conveyed all that in one song without hinting at it. So many quote worthy lyrics were in the song and it just bring up my mood and my standard for vocals. Don’t sleep on this girl, y’all.

5. Birthday - the song brought out mixed reactions from everyone but i LOVED IT. It did get a bit old but it’s still something you’ll find me singing along to every now and then.

ARTISTS THAT STOOD OUT TO ME THIS YEAR

1. Bang Chan of Stray Kids. I love him. He’s such a great leader, he’s a loveable person, he’s all rounded and he fucks up sometimes but he acknowledges it and fixes it. He went through so much shit this year and he deserves so much more. I, along with many other STAYs are gonna make 2020 a better year for him and all of his group. Stay strong Chan! But besides his personality his stage presence, his rapping, his singing, his producing, his energy, his personality, it all made him someone who was always on my mind.

2. Yeonjun of Tomorrow x Together. He’s also very well rounded and he really stands out to me from all the other 4th gens. Whenever I see a performance by TXT he always grabs my attention even when he’s not the main focus. I love his dancing, it’s very eye catching to me, along with his stage presence. He never loses his energy on stage and I expect a lot from him in 2020! His rapping and singing are amazing as well, especially for a rookie. Also when they first debuted he cried a lot, which was very heartwarming to me because idols showing emotion other than happy is something I appreciate, because it lets me remember they’re human too.

3. Seulgi of Red Velvet. She’s, again, very well rounded. I’m not really a Reveluv, but Wendy and Seulgi are vocalists who really stand out to me so those to kind of make me want to listen to Red Velvet’s songs. She’s an amazing vocalist, like words can’t express how much a love this woman's voice. Her stage presence is amazing as well, she’s just a really good performer imo.

4. Jihyo and Nayeon of TWICE. First of all I really like their personality and how powerful they are. Honestly a wink from them and I’m falling of my chair. Secondly, I don’t know if anyone's noticed but I really like powerful female vocals, and these two have extremely POWERFUL vocals. Have you heard them sing? Just... POWERFUL, that’s all I can really say to describe their voices.

5. Mingi and Hongjoong of ATEEZ. They are rapper that are gonna blow away the whole industry with 3racha, I mean they already have. Did y’all see their performance in MAMA. The RAWEST vocals I heard that whole show. They were obviously not lip syncing, you could hear Mingi panting and he didn’t rap a whole line, and I LOVE that because it is RAW and we need more raw vocals or atleast breaths heard when the artists are dancing because it makes the performance more REAL. also stage presence is amazing from these two, they really know how to hype up a crowd.

ROOKIE GROUPS I EXPECT A LOT FROM NEXT YEAR

sorry my expectations are high for them, but they have stood out tome so much and i couldn’t stand to see them flop.

1. TOMORROW X TOGETHER - they’ve been on this list quite a lot, and I really appreciate their individual talents along with them as a group. I REALLY want to see them improve and grow more next year because they were really pushed this year, being BTS’s juniors. I’m sure they were really stressed but I want them to become TOMORROW BY TOGETHER not BTS’s juniors. Probably won’t happen in a year but hopefully in the next decade.

2. ITZY - another group really known for theing the juniors of TWICE this time. The title tracks they released so far have all been listen to it the first time, you don;t like it, but listen to it the 2nd time and it’s stuck in your head for the next 7 months. Honestly if they keep going like this, it would be like a ITZY thing, and I honestly wouldn’t mind.

3. EVERGLOW - i think everyone just saw bon bon chocolat, gave it a listen, and loved it. but i also heard it was produced by someone who helped produce Crown by TXT and Spring Day by BTS, so there’s another reason ppl may have liked it so much. Adios wasn’t a disappointment at all. Of course, I would also love it if Everglow kept up the “nanana” thing in each of their title tracks.

4. ATEEZ - I don’t think they’ll flop at all next year. I know they just had their 1st year anniversary, but I wouldn’t mind a full album... either way, Imma stick with them because they’ve only released that good shit so far and I’m honestly expecting a somewhat mediocre song at least once in their career next year. Not expecting it though.

5. ONEUS - I haven’t’t talked about them yet but all of oneus’s title tracks are absolute gold. I am a mess for Valkyrie, Twilight AND Lit. They��re all just AMAZING songs. I mean, what did we expect from Mamamoo’s juniors but. They are REALLY good. Just go listen to all their title tracks rn.

And finally, wishes for 2020

- Of course, Wendy to recover after her tragic incident at SBS. Again, I hope she recovers well

- Mina to come back from her hiatus, only if she’s ready to, of course

- BLACKPINK FULL ALBUM. ROSE SOLO. PLEASE.

- Of course, 4th gen to thrive along with 3rd gen and 2nd gen groups

- A full album from stray kids (which was confirmed) and again, maybe for ATEEZ? just maybe?

- More attention for Mamamoo. They are underrated queens.

- Less hate for Tomorrow By Together. People bash them just because they’re BTS’s juniors. they would be praised a less but definitely not doubted way more if they weren’t under Bighit. Yeah, they get luxuries other groups won’t but that doesn’t mean people should degrade them for it.

And with that

I wish everyone a Happy New Year. May your next decade be filled with happiness and joy! omg fancy started playing

also i didn’t have time to properly edit this. then again i am a rambling blog, so what are you expecting?

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bumblebeereus · 5 years

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Sacred New Beginnings.

Word count: 2158 A/N: Look who’s back, back again, tell a friend. I’m back with this whole thing of thinking that I’m a writer. English is not my first language so sorry if there’s any typo. Sorry for the spacing if you’re reading this from your phone. Hope you like it. Feedback is always welcomed, thanks for reading this. –––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––– When she started uni she promised herself that she’d never change her life for a guy, never ever, she worked hard to have all that she has now and changing everything for someone or something that couldn’t work out was something out of plans for her. She didn’t want to be one of those girls that changed her whole life because of a guy and then they end up alone and with her hands empties because they gave everything they had to that relationship. Of course it was the hell of a statement she was an empowered woman or that’s what she thought she was but when she made that statement she didn’t know about Harry and once she met him she changed her mind, maybe if he’s the right one she could changer her life a little and see if works out, and that’s what lead her to London.

They met by accident it wasn’t in her plans attending to a football match in London, she was a Liverpool fan she has nothing to do in London football related because all she needed was in her city but a few friends from work invited her to attend a match with them and she couldn’t say no to a box for them in the White Hart Lane, could be worse. She wasn’t expecting her colleagues to be friends with a certain someone that was nothing but a sweetheart and she knew Trent Alexander Arnold due to work so that’s saying a lot. He was a hard contestant for Cutie Of The Year. “What? You heard about Harry tons of times, we told you a thousand stories about him.” One of her friends said when he left to get ready for the warm-up and the match. “Yes, and I thought Harry was another dumbass like you three, not that he was…fucking Harry Winks and that he was indeed the cutest of them all.” “Well, now you know and you’re welcome.” One of her friends winked at her and that’s how it all started.

That night they all went out to have dinner with the new addition to their group, they clicked so quick that even they were surprised. He even joked about meeting her before and she doesn’t remember meeting him. She knew that something like that was near impossible, he was something else. Obviously, she doesn’t know how the average footballer behaves but she’s pretty sure than they don’t behave like him. He’s not a showoff, he’s indeed more like the kind of introvert and shy cute guy that has every single girl drooling because of him but he doesn’t realize it. He spent the night making jokes, telling stories and laughing with and at his friends like any other guy of his age would do while having dinner. He was seated next to her and she spent most of the time looking at him in awe hoping that he didn’t notice her looking at him like that.

One of her friends gave her his number but she wasn’t brave enough to text him, what on Earth she was gonna say? “Hi, I was enchanted to meet you.” “Hi, I thought you were the cutest human I’ve met recently.” “Hi, good luck with the rest of the season (but I hope you lost to Liverpool)” None of them seemed like a good text so she saved his contact on her phone waiting for a good moment to send him a message, maybe a good match on the following one or something like that. She couldn’t believe that she was overthinking something as simple as sending a text if her friends knew about this they’d be giving her a hard time for not texting him almost immediately. What she wasn’t expecting was her phone lighting up with a new message and his text flashing on the screen for a second there she almost let her phone drop from her hands. “It was nice to meet you, hope we meet again. H.” That was the message that started all, from that one they never stopped not only sending messages but speaking to each other. Usually, he’d call her when he knows she has finished working so they could speak freely and she would tell him about her day in the same way that he’d talk to her about his day. What started as messages and phone calls soon turned into weekends spends in London or Liverpool depending on their schedules, at first it was simply weekends spent in company of their friends probably as an alibi to be together without the rest of them suspecting that there was something going on between them, but what she didn’t know was that her friends were already aware of what was going on between them. And it was in one of those weekends trip that it happened, their first kiss. It happened so casually, after enjoying a cup of coffee and a piece of carrot cake, walking down one of the most iconic streets of the city, Oxford Street. They were walking down the street when he stopped for a second, fixed her hair tucking a strand of hair behind her ear and he leant to kiss her, the taste of the latte still on the lips.

Her heart was about to leave his ribcage, his nose brushed against her making her smile and that’s when she kissed him again enjoying the warm feeling of his lips against hers. She wasn’t expecting this when they met that afternoon but she couldn’t lie, it was all that she wanted since they started talking months ago. The shy smile on his face following their first kiss was what made her feel so attached to him, he was different from all the guys she has dated before, he was wholesome you could stare at his eyes and saw that he hasn’t a bad bone in his body, he was polite, kind, funny, intelligent, considerate, empathetic, generous, witty and the list could go on forever.

From that day on the train was their best friend it was a two-hour ride and they could spend time together whenever they could but the thing was…they weren’t a thing, it wasn’t official and she didn’t know if he wants to make it official or what he wants. And yet, there she is renting a place in London because she decided to give it a try even tho she doesn’t know how it’s gonna work out. It might end up going well or going straight down to hell within seconds. Her friends keep reassuring her that she was doing the right thing, she wasn’t crazy for making this huge change in her life, she asked for a transfer in London and her firm was more than happy for having her in the main headquarters of the company. She told him she was in London for a few days more than usual, not wanting to spill the beans over the phone she’d rather tell him about what was going on in person to see his reaction. She knew she was walking in quicksand, everything could go wrong in a minute and she’d be there in London alone, in a city where everything screams his name loud and clear, not only on match days.

His hand is on the end of her back and his jacket is hanging on her shoulder as the night surprisingly turn out cooler than expected. “Are you gonna show me your incredible apartment? I didn’t know you were staying in an apartment this time.” He smiles widely shoving his shoulder against hers as they keep walking. “Actually…” She doesn’t know why she’s shy all of a sudden, moving from one city to another wasn’t that rare nowadays, she knows he couldn’t even suspect that she moved because of him.”I wanted to talk to you about that…I rented the apartment because I’m…officially living in London now.” “You moved here? You should have told me sooner, I could have helped you with everything.” He rubs his hand along her back as he smiles at her, he’s too cute to her own liking. “It was more like a “last minute” thing, but I couldn’t say no to new beginnings.” She shrugs walking down the street next to him, her hand now holding his, his thumb rubbing the palm of her hand when the feel the first raindrop falling in the street marking the street with darker dots as a sign for them to start walking faster as they laugh.

They’re sharing what they said it’d be the last beer of the night in the roof of her building, the city lights and the noise of the city that’s still pretty much alive. One of his arms is around her shoulder keeping her close to his chest as they enjoy the silence and the company of each other. “I really need to ask you something, otherwise I’m gonna regret it soon.” He says leaving the beer bottle on the floor next to him.”I’m gonna be honest with you…I know I’m gonna sound like an arrogant prick right now but, did you move in here…because of me?” She can feel her cheeks turn red as soon as the words leave his mouth, of course, she did. “I don’t know how this is gonna sound but…I did. I don’t want to sound like some kind of freak, or a stalker or like I’m obsessed with you. I just wanted to give this a try and I thought I couldn’t do it properly living in Liverpool.” She was a mess as soon as she said those words not knowing how he was gonna take them, but the smile on his face told her that it was gonna go well for them, at least for now. “It sounds like heaven. I can’t believe you thought I was worthy of all of this…changing your whole life or kinda making a big change just for me.” He scratches the back of his neck his stare going from her eyes to her lips. “You’re worth it Harry, I wouldn’t do it for anyone else…I promised myself I’d never change my life for a man, but then I met you and it doesn’t seem so bad, to be honest.” She caresses his neck before he leans to kiss her, his hands on his cheeks cupping her face. She could spend every single minute of the day doing this and it’d be a day well spent.

They were right there, barefoot in the kitchen with the light of the refrigerator as the only source of light along with the city lights of London. She’s wearing nothing but his shirt and he’s looking at her sitting on the island’s counter and he’s between her legs only wearing his boxers. His hands caressing her soft skin and she smells like his favourite shower gel, his favourite since he smelled it in her hotel room the first time they shared a bed. She plays with his hair and he can’t help moan when her fingers scratch the back of his neck just how he loves it. “I’m already loving this apartment, not gonna lie.” He says in a soft tone looking at her to end up kissing her collarbone over the material of his shirt. “Of course you do, I have the hell of a taste for everything…it’s an amazing place.” She says cocky raising an eyebrow. “Especially with men, and by men I say me.” He winks his eye making her laugh before putting her lips against his, bitting the bottom his Botton lip before breaking the kiss, his hands now on her thighs under his shirt.

He walks away from her making her pout when she does no longer feel his warmth against her body, but he’s quickly back with her and the bottle of wine in his hand to pour a glass for both of them handing it to her with a smile. “For the new beginnings…well, for our new beginning.” He says making a toast, taking a sip from the glass leaving it on the counter next to her. “Sacred new beginnings.” She smiles against his lips before kissing him again not being able to stop. “Sacred new beginnings, love.” He kisses her back before taking her to her bedroom back where they were before their cooling break as he called it.

She never thought the night could end up like that, both of them tangled in the sheets like most the nights when they were together but this time it’s different this team she doesn’t need to overthink. He’s not gonna run away because of all that he wants and needs it’s sleeping naked, with her head on his chest and her hand holding his. He doesn’t know what he did to deserve her, but he has one thing crystal clear, he’s not gonna let her go.

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loudsuitlover · 5 years

Text

Ohana 2

A/N: Part 1

Preview:

“You roll your eyes a lot.” I notice.

“Only when I hear silly things.” She shrugs, finally getting some fruits from the fridge. “So yeah, a lot when you’re around.”

I laugh at her comment and tell her where the plates and knives are and she starts peeling and cutting the peaches into small pieces before adding blueberries and strawberries. She likes her fruit. I know I’m staring at her small hands cutting the fruit like an idiot but for some reason it’s entertaining to me, the way her soft fingers grab the small pieces of fresh fuit before dropping them on a bowl.

“What about like a roast? Do you eat meat at all?”

“I like fish better.” She says. “But I guess I’d have a steak if you gave me one.”

“There she goes again, urging me to take her out.”

Jamie

I try to get some sleep despite Mateo’s tiny hand slapping my face every now and then. He’s been babbling for the most part of the past hour and whenever he stopped I opened an eye to check on him afraid that he had stopped because something was wrong because yes, new mums are like that; and he was chewing on that cold teether thing my mum had gotten him last weekend. He is getting better at holding his little head up and when I look at him he’s staring back at me with wide opened brown eyes, his button nose and those little lips of him parted in a small o surrounded by baby drool. His hair is so thin and so little he looks like a giant head with enourmous eyes and still he is the cutest baby alive and I’m not saying that just because he’s mine. He smiles at me and I burst out laughing.

He gets excited because finally mummy is up and he starts puffing as he crawls all over me like he does when he’s happy, his slaps against my face only intensifying.

“Good morning, beautiful!” I kiss his chubby cheeks and raise his little body at the lenght my arms allow and he smiles. “Why do you wake up so early, hey? You didn’t get that from mummy, that’s for sure!” I laugh.

We cuddle and play on the bed for a little longer before I feel my belly roar. I pick him up and carry him on my hip towards the kitchen where I make myself breakfast. My phone vibrates on the kitchen counter. Harry has sent me a picture of a bottle of cachaza from some supermarket. My eyes widen and my heart flutters and I hate that he’s got this effect on me.

He sent me a follow request on Instagram two days after I met him at Chloe’s house and we’ve been texting through direct messages here and there ever since. He’s funny, I’ll give him that. He’s also been watching my stories like- all of them. I mean he follows about 200 people but I don’t think he’s the kind of person who would just see other people’s stories. Okay, to be frank, I like to think he actually actively clicks on my story, even though it probably isn’t true.

To be fair, I don’t know what I’m doing- texting Harry Styles back and forth and letting him sweep my feet off the ground with his stupid little nice gestures. But he’s just thoughtful and he’s clearly flirting with me. That or he’s just overly friendly. I hate to admit I’ve been kind of stalking his account too. He just looks so good in every single picture. I have my personal favourites already- which I guess only makes me even more of a stalker- especially when I find myself going through them in a daydream, like I’m doing right now. Mateo babbles.

“Yes, I know, Mateo, I should stay away. Mummy should stay away, isn’t that right? A singer is no good news.”

He just smiles. He basically smiles at everything, no matter what you say. I don’t think he understands much anyway but I love that he’s such a happy baby. I send Harry a picture of my breakfast just so he can keep making fun of me and my obsession with healthy food. He doesn’t know I’m breastfeeding a baby so my diet is actually a big deal. Mateo looks at my breakfast as I take the avocado and tomato toast to my mouth. I’m excited that he’s turning 6 months in two weeks because- he has yet to properly learn how to hold his back straight when he sits- but after that he can eat actual food and I can’t wait to see his reaction to the different flavours. Something tells me he’s going to like avocado and I imagine his little mouth and fingers all covered in small pieces of green fat and can’t help but laugh.

“Don’t worry, baby, you’ll be able to eat and chew like mummy very soon. You’re almost half a year old!”

He smiles again. I know talking to a baby who can’t reply to you might seem weird, but we spend all day together and he’s my favourite human anyway, answers or not.

harrystyles So that’s how you manage to eat that much ice-cream and still be fit... Healthy breakfast, evening of ice-cream eh? ;)

jjadler Hey! I don’t eat that much ice-cream! I have only sent you like three pictures of ice-cream...

harrystyles In the last three days... ;)

jjadler Stop winking, Styles

harrystyles Does it make you nervous or you would just rather see the real thing?

I giggle. He hasn’t yet mentioned meeting and even though some part of me is a little disappointed, a small part is relieved because I don’t know what I would do with Mateo. We have seen each other again after Chloe’s party but not for too long and never alone. I was out with Charlie once when Jack and him join us for a glass of wine- I had apple juice as usual- and then we met at Charlie’s dad’s sculpture exhibition but even though he tried to stay around, he kept being pulled away from us to take pictures with people and stuff. It kind of dazzled me a little because even though we haven’t known each other for longer than a week, it was as if it was actually the first time that it hit me that he is the Harry Styles. I mean that he’s famous and all that. He just doesn’t really look like it when he’s having a drink and having a laugh with us.

jjadler It makes me feel like I’m talking to a pirate...

jjadler Anyway, what the hell are you doing on the alcohol section at 9.30 am? lol

harrystyles Well I actually came in to buy avocados and tomatoes, in case sometime you have breakfast at my place...

Cheeky Harry! I giggle like a schoolgirl and thank God Mateo is too young to realize his mum is a total goner and I bring my hand to my cheek feeling the heat radiating out of it.

harrystyles But then I remember when I make you that daiquiri at Chloe’s house and thought I could get some

jjadler I thought cachaza was for caipirinhas tho?

jjadler And breakfast at your place huh? Without getting me dinner first... What sort of girl do you think I am?

harrystyles haha yes cachaza is for caipirinhas, I am glad to see you actually do listen to me despite your sassy ways...

harrystyles And about dinner, if you wanted me to ask you out you just had to say it ;)

There he goes with the wink again. Mateo starts getting a little fussy but it’s too early for his nap so instead I get us both ready for a walk to the park. He always likes it when he gets to sit on the pram and just watch people pass and enjoy the sun and to be honest I quite like it too. I ran out of milk too.

harrystyles Hey Jamie

I haven’t answered him on the ask me out thing- just because I don’t know what to say, but for once it looks like he’s going to give it a rest. I don’t know if I like that. I mean, I think I would- what am I talking about? Going out with Harry Styles? Me? Yeah ,right. I see the three gray dots on the left corner of my phone and feel my heart beating fast and hard against my ribcage.

harrystyles I am having some people over at my house later today, would you like to come?

Mateo crawls away from me when I leave him on the carpeted floor of the living room and I know he’s having a great time at this tag game he just started. I give him some head start, he’s terrible at crawling anyway- he more like squirms- so it’s not like he’s going to get very far before he tires himself out. I write and erase about ten times and I am afraid Harry’s just waiting for my reply, I imagine his green eyes watching the three gray dots appear and disappear one time and the other.

harrystyles Please?

He insists. I smile, catching Mateo on my arms as he smiled despite being caught. He had rested his head on the floor though as if he was ready to go to sleep and anyway he probably is. It’s second nap time already.

jjadler Sure! Thanks for inviting me :)

harrystyles No worries! Do you want me to pick you up?

God, he’s so sweet!

jjadler Thank you for the offer but I’ll drive there! Do you need me to get anything or pick up anyone on the way?

harrystyles Nope, just yourself, thank you. I’ll text you the address afterwards x

I smile. I’m going to Harry Styles’ house and I’ll probably drink cachaza with him. Hopefully he doesn’t get pulled away from me at his own house. I look at Mateo who’s playing with my hair ties. I hope Mum can look after him. I decide on making things easier for Harry.

jjadler You might need this for that +4468956235 ;)

harrystyles Thanks xx

Harry

I’m still embarrassed about my reaction when she gave me her number. Who the hell is this girl? I can’t seem not to smile when I think about her and I can’t get her out of my head so as a result my cheeks hurt and now I always look like an idiot.

I’ve only known her for a couple of weeks and I haven’t even kissed her and yet the thought of having her over my house has my belly doing all sorts of flips. Now this is just ridiculous. Even thinking about hearing her voice again makes me want to scream as if I had just won that last football game I played in high school.

I look down at my phone for yet another time. If I had known I’d be acting like this now I would have probably never talked to her at Chloe’s. She’s going to drive me nuts. I look up at my sister who’s sat down next to me but she’s just smirking and looking ahead. She’s going to give me a hard time. I sigh. Charlie and Jack are keeping Michal distracted with some argument they had about basketball I couldn’t care less about but both my sister and her annoying friend Chloe are sitting down here next to me.

“Is she coming?” She smirks.

“Who?”

I know who they mean, but I won’t give them the satisfaction. They both roll their eyes. Sometimes I feel like they’re just copies of one another. It must be that hot yoga thing they do together, connecting their souls to some other new level or some shit.

“You know who.” Chloe answers for her and they both just smirk, having annoyin little sips from her glasses of wine.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

I play dumb even though I know for a fact there’s nothing left to do.

“Oh, is that right?” Gemma smiles at me and I shake my head at her.

“You know, sometimes it’s really hard to believe you’re 28 years old.”

She hums.

“You always did do that... Trying to get me mad so I would drop a topic you don’t want to talk about and- you know what?” I keep staring into her hazel, familiar eyes waiting for her to reply. At least she’s entertaining. “The old Gemma would certainly give you a hard time but” she sighs “28 years old Gemma, she’s going to drop it. You don’t want to talk about it, we won’t talk about it.”

She looks ahead towards the garden and I grin when I catch up with her little game. It took me long enough. There’s such a good psycologist inside her, really.

“I know what you’re doing.” She looks at me, faking inocence- very badly might I add- and I grin wider. “Your little reverse psycology game is not going to work with me, Gem.” I mock her. “The old Harry would certainly fall for it but” She’s smiling now, she knows she’s lost “24 years old Harry, he’s going to pass.”

She shrugs and looks ahead and I’m still laughing at her when I open the door. Jamie does look good standing on my door. I grin at her but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to give her a hard time. I cross my arms across my chest.

“Can I help you?”

I narrow my eyes at her, as if I didn’t know her and her face is just what I was looking for. Her smile is cut shy and her eyes search for the joke in mine but I try to keep a straight face. She lets out what I can only call an embarrassed chuckle but damn it if it doesn’t sound adorable. I chuckle too and she bites her full bottom lip. She’s already blushing.

“I’m sorry, I think I got the address wrong?” She decides to play along so I just grin wider. “Because I was invited to a guy’s house but no one said anything about a costume party going on, so...” She looks me up and down and does a funny thing with her mouth and it kind of looks as if she’s saying this is awkward.

I throw my head back and laugh. I like that she always has something to say. Then I move aside and let her walk inside my house and my eyes instantly drop to her bare legs. I almost feel guilty for looking her body up and down like that but no one could blame me. Those shorts she’s wearing would turn anybody’s head over and over. She turns around to look at me and her eyebrows raised. I know she’s caught me staring but for once she lets it be. I give her a smile and ask her whether she’s hungy. I’m not really hungry myself but I selfishly want to steal some minutes alone with her even if it’s just in the kitchen going through the boring things I have on my fridge.

She’s smiling at me when I turn around and I chuckle. She’s going to think I’m retarded.

“So” I tell her “what are you waiting for? Go on, go through the fridge.”

“What?” She laughs. “You want me to go through your fridge? I can think of few things that are less polite than that.” She grins.

“Oh, come on!” I shake my head. “You get us something to eat and I’ll make us a drink, yeah?”

She smiles. Shit, I think she might have the most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen- those white teeth against her olive skin and the way her whole face seems to lighten up, her pink lips stretched.

“Okay, let’s see what Mr MeatPie has on his fridge...” She starts.

I am trying hard to contain my laughter. I bet she expects my fridge to look like the dream of some teenage boy obsessed with junk food so I would pay to see her expression when she realizes is nothing of the sort. I know she’s raising her eyebrows up on her forehead even if she’s giving me her back.

“Celery?” She turns around to face me and I grin wide at hell. “And artichoke? Really?”

I laugh.

“Well, I’m a healthy lad.” I tilt my head. Her eyebrows raise.

“He said while he poured cachaza on a glass.” She jokes and I chuckle.

“Well, a drink every now and then doesn’t make a person an healthy one, does it? It’s all about balance, angel face.”

I can see her eyes lightening up when I call her that again and I swear my heart just skipped a beat at the realization. Has she been waiting for me to say it?

“But yeah, I do take care of myself and that includes green smoothies every now and then.”

Her nose crumples all the way up as she purses her lips, giving me the exact same disgusted expression she gave me the night we met when I told her about the meat pie. Apparently a lot of things disgust this woman. I laugh.

“What now? You don’t like green stuff either? What do you even eat woman?”

She keeps her disgusted expression before she speaks.

“I do like green, I just hate artichokes. I mean listen to their name arti- chokes, doesn’t that say anything to you? Because choking is one way of dying.” She says and I don’t think she knows it but she’s nodding her head like crazy while I just grin at the way her brain works. “It just doesn’t sound like something I would like to put on my mouth.” She raises her eyebrows again. “Much less swallow.”

I laugh out loud at that. I can’t help to give a sexual meaning to everything she says. She’d probably give me a hard time if she knew everything I think about when she talks.

“I do have ice-cream.” I smirk and her face lights up.

I guess she’s happy I remember.

“But ice-cream... It’s just not the time for ice-cream.”

Right, she and her times for food. I nod my head, finishing up both our cocktails as I still wait for her to get something out of the fridge.

“What do you like to eat anyway?” I ask her.

“Mmm...” She seems to think about it as she bends a little to check on the fruit recipient and my eyes shamelessly fall upon her perfectly shaped ass. “I like pasta, especially spaghetti pesto and sushi.”

“What together?” I ask, and this time it’s me who’s got a disgusted expression.

“What?” She giggles when she turns around and sees my face. “No! Not together! I mean spaghetti pesto, full stop, and sushi. Separately. On different days.”

“Can’t it be on the same day?” I tease her and I hear her click her tongue and turn around, blushing hard, and she’s going to explain herself before she catches my smirk.

She realizes I’m just messing with her and rolls her eyes.

“You roll your eyes a lot.” I notice.

“Only when I hear silly things.” She shrugs, finally getting some fruits from the fridge. “So yeah, a lot when you’re around.”

“What about like a roast? Do you eat meat at all?”

“I like fish better.” She says. “But I guess I’d have a steak if you gave me one.”

“There she goes again, urging me to take her out.”

I tease her all the time just because I like to turn on her cheeks. Her eyes go wide and she almost reminds me of a lemur. A pretty one, a really pretty one, but she looks funny anyway. That pink tinge I like starts covering her cheeks and her nose and she looks anywhere but at me. I laugh, I’m about to end her suffering when she speaks.

“I didn’t mean-”

“I know.” I grin. “Don’t worry, I haven’t even thought about asking you out.”

I say that as a joke because I think it’s rather obvious I do want to take her out and kiss her and then take her home and have her against this very counter but she doesn’t seem to get it. Even though it might not have been the best joke after all, I get to see she looks disappointed so I take it she would actually want me to ask her out and now I can’t wipe the grin off my face. She turns redder than a tomato.

“You’re so slow, angel face.” I smile, shaking my head.

She frowns. Fuck, I have missed that. I frown too but I can’t stop smiling.

“Okay, I have a suggestion.” I tell her as she looks confused back at me. “One of these days, whichever works for you, I will do some roast for you and then while we’re having it, you can decide whether it is a date or not.”

I wait for her response keeping it cool but my heart is going crazy secured by my ribs. She seems to really look into it and I can tell she’s still wary because of what I said. I have to fight my eyes not to drop to her cleavage because I accidentally got a glimpse of it when she was avoiding my eyes and now I can’t seem to get the suggestion of her soft chest out of my head.

“It won’t be a date.” She says but it’s like I know she’s saying that just to get back at me.

“Okay” I smile “That’s okay, it doesn’t have to be. But if it’s not a date... Then... What would it be?”

She sucks her lips inside her mouth before they pop out, a tiny bit darker, and I can’t help my eyes.

“It’d be...” She bites her bottom lip. Damn her, she knows I’m staring and she knows what she’s doing. “Like a friends’ date.”

I raise my eyebrows and purse my lips before I nod at her statement. Interesting.

“Oh, so now we’re friends.”

“Yeah.” She frowns, as if it was obvious. “Kind of.”

She smirks like the devil and I know she knows. I roll my eyes before I look away from her and smile as I shake my head. She’s really good at this. She chuckles.

“Kind of.” I repeat and that’s the deal we have for now.

We go back to the living room with all the rest and Charlie and Jack steal her away for a while. I fight with myself not to follow her around like a lost puppy but it’s like wherever she is, my eyes just keep looking into her direction. I take advantage of our momentary separation to appreciate her body. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything sexier. Those white denim shorts she’s wearing oppose to her dark skin and I wonder, even though she said she was born in London, if her parents were too. If she said she was an immigrant I would totally buy it. Some pretty girl from the Middle East or some island, somewhere dreamy, where she lay that body of hers under the sun and then put on these white denim and drive me crazy. Her thighs are full and her skin seems so soft it makes me want to grab her legs and hide myself underneath her. I bet she’s so warm too.

After I catch her glancing at me a few times too, I allow myself to walk towards her and I grin when I notice she actually gets excited. She moves aside so I can sit on the couch next to her and I know that that place she just made for me is small and that I could easily sit in front of her friend Charlie or next to Jack but who would turn her down? She’s been going through her phone for the last five minutes or so too.

“So how did you say the store is called, Charlie?”

“Flamingo.” Her blonde friend leans her head over Jamie’s phone and clicks on a link and Jamie smiles brightly before she moves away from her friend and leans her back right next to me, turning to show me how gorgeous she looks when she smiles.

“Angel face.” I chuckle.

I can tell she’s been sipping some wine too. Her eyes are just that tiny bit of glossier and her gaze looks somewhat tired, as if she was ready to take a nap. I like seeing her sitting on my couch like that.

“You’re going to help me choose a dress.” She smiles.

“Oh” I smile “what an honour.”

She chuckles at me and swats my arm playfully and even if the touch is brief and soft, I feel my heart beating faster. So it’s okay for us to touch now.

“What kind of dress do you want?”

“I need one.” She clarifies, as if want didn’t quite fit her motivation. I nod, smiling wide. “For an event.”

“What kind of event?” Please don’t let it be a date.

“A formal one.” She nods her head. “A family event. My brother’s son is getting baptised.”

“You have a brother?”

“Yeah.” She smiles. “An older brother who just recently had a daughter. I’m the godmother so I have to wear something nice.”

“Sure.” I agree. “What colour are we thinking?”

“I like gray.” She confesses. “And I know it might sound like a boring colour for a dress but it’s not. I wore one to my brother’s uni graduation and it looked really good. I got a lot of compliments.” She grinned.

Of course she did. I bet there are still men that went to that graduation that still haven’t gotten over her and her gray dress. We both look at the dresses and I suggest some here and there but she always turns them down for the tiniest little things like one being too revealing, another one having a cleavage that “didn’t look good on her”- as if that was possible- or some others being too dark or too short.

Finally she shows me the selection she saved and asks me to pick one. I look at the dresses and at her, trying to imagine her in every single one of them and I just can’t decide.

“I don’t know.” I give up.

“Oh, don’t quit on me now!” She frowns. “Come on, you have to like one of these!”

I like them all, that’s the problem.

“I think the blue one is too posh.” She deletes it.

Okay, one less. Finally I pick the champagne colour one but she makes a grimace.

“What?”

“It just doesn’t seem to me like something you would wear as the godmother of your niece.”

I puff and bore her face with my eyes.

“I pick one and you say you don’t like it.” I want to laugh but I hold it in to try and make her feel guilty.

She frowns but looks at me with puppy eyes and I have to fight the urge to cup her cheeks and kiss her. I try to keep a straight face to see how far I can go but the corners of my lips are turning into a smile.

“No, I do like it! I would wear it anytime, just... Maybe not to my niece’s baptism.”

She smiles timidly at me before she bites her bottom lip. It seems like she’s really concerned that she hurt my feelings so I just smile at her, mainly to see her smile again. It works.

Jamie

Gemma is the last one to leave. Chloe and Michal are already waiting for her at the car as she somewhere between reminds and warns Harry about their family lunch on Sunday. I smile to myself. I think it’s so cute that a man as sexy as Harry has a family lunch on Sunday. I know it’s a silly thought- sexy people have families too- but I’m so giddy I can’t help but think about silly things now.

Charlie and Jack left a while ago- it was date night for those two- and Gemma, Chloe and Michal stayed for dinner and then we all watched a movie. Well they did. I fell asleep. On Harry’s shoulder.

I woke up right when the movie ended. I don’t know how I do that but I always do and I don’t even know why because it’s like I can sleep through all the noise from the movie and then when silence finally falls over me I wake up. Harry was saying his goodbye to the three of them as my eyes fluttered opened and then he just gave me a smile before he gently moved his arm from underneath my head and walked his sister to the door. Now this is going to be embarrassing.

He’s smiling at me as he makes his way back and I’m just sitting on his couch, with my legs crossed indian style and knowing that my hair is probably a mess. But he doesn’t seem to mind.

“Hi.” He shows me his dimples.

I laugh through my nose with lips closed in a smile as I rub the sleep off my eyes.

“Sorry about that.” My voice is croaked. Man I must have slept for hours.

He chuckles.

“It’s no problem. It looks like you needed it.”

Damn right I needed it. Normally I sleep when Mateo sleeps, this is how a mum works. I haven’t texted my mum about Mateo in about three hours and I suddenly feel guilty that I don’t even know how my baby’s doing.

“What time is it?”

“Don’t leave.” He says instead.

I hold his gaze even though I can’t ready his eyes. it sounded a bit desperate and it really fascinates me why he would want me to stay even after I fell asleep on him during a movie. I swallow.

“I... I think I can... Maybe stay for a little longer.” He grins like a child at my words. “But I need to make a call.”

“Sure. I mean it’s 12 am but you know what you’re doing.”

“It’s... My niece is sick.” I lie. “And... I want to know how she’s doing. In case they might need me home to help or something.”

His green eyes literally fill with concern and I feel guilty about lying to him in a second.

“Sure.” He shakes his head. “I’ll leave you to it.”

With that he picks up the popcorn bowl from the coffee table in front of the TV and walks towards the kitchen. I text my mum rather than call now knowing it’s 12 am but I wait for her reply biting my nails. I hear Harry putting things away on the kitchen, the water running and I take it he’s just tidying things at this time of the night just so as to give me some privacy. He’s so cute.

I feel my cheeks turning warm as I begin thinking about him. I have a craving for him now I can’t seem to control and I don’t know what’s going on with me. I haven’t been with a guy in almost a year and a half and I haven’t really felt the need to but now it’s like I can barely be around Harry without getting all flushed and giddy.

I can’t barely stand how overwhelmingly green his eyes look up close and when he gets shy and bites his bottom lip, his dimples make an appeareance despite himself... I just can’t help but wish he would ever want to sleep with me.

It’s like- I’ve never really been one of those people who were into sex as a thing, like- even before I got Mateo, I could go months and months without having any sex at all and that wasn’t a problem for me. Not so much for Charlie, for example, I remember she would complain if she spent more than three weeks without sleeping with a guy so now I truly don’t know what’s gotten into me; but I just crave him in more ways than one.

I realize he’s not going to come into the living room until he’s sure my conversation is over so after checking my phone again- still no answer from mum, I try to get it together- if something was wrong she would have called me and last thing she said at 9 pm was that Mateo had gone to bed okay so I figure he must still be asleep. I breathe into my hand and check my breath doesn’t stink like a bitch and then I walk into the kitchen.

“Hey.” I make my presence known and he gives me a warm smile.

“Everything okay with your niece?”

I nod my head. He smiles before he reaches for a glass and fills it with water handing it to me even before I ask. I’m rather surprised by his guessing skills. He then fills one for himself and drinks it down with a few gulps. I’m still sipping on my water when he asks.

“How are you feeling? Are you okay?”

I nod and smile at him, swallowing the water while he studies my face as if trying to decide whether I’m telling him the truth.

“I have Advils, in case you have a headache because of the wine and the cachaza you had before your nap.” He smirks.

Oh, he’s loving the nap thing. God I hope I didn’t get his arm all wet with drool.

“I didn’t drink that much, Mister.”

“Mister?” He laughs. “I know, but I can tell you don’t drink much, do you?”

I just shake my head. I have no reason to lie to him about that.

“You’re comfortable with staying, yeah?” He frowns. “If you’re not, that’s okay, I can drive you home.”

“No!” I sound desperate. “I’m comfortable and I brought my car here so I’m driving myself back, you don’t have to do that.”

He nods. Something tells me he’d want to fight me a little on that, probably come up with something like how I look tired to drive or how the streets are dangerous at this time but he knows he’s not winning.

“You haven’t seen the balcony.” He states and I smile, for some reason excited about the idea of seeing a balcony. “Do you need anything else? More water? A snack? A cup of tea? I have chocolate too and ice-cream.” He smiles.

I grin back at him. He seems to have liked the fact that I’m a sucker for ice cream. I feel my belly roar just by talking about it, normal, considering what I had for dinner was a peach and some berries I shared with him.

“Can I have some ice-cream?”

He chuckles before he walks past me and bends over before opening the freezer.

“So” He starts “there’s... chocolate, that cookie-dough thing.... mmm... And this one” He grabs the tub and reads the label “Strawberry cheesecake.”

He laughs. I don’t know how he knows I want that one but he just does so to my surprise he just grabs two spoons and holds the tub as he stands on his kitchen waiting for me to move. I refill his glass of water and take mine before I follow him outside to the balcony.

It’s really more of a big terrace, like some sort of chill-out zone, with wooden floor and white sunbeds around a bright blue swimming pool. On one side of the pool, on the one that’s closer to the house, the sunbeds are shelter underneath a wooden pergola. He walks straight there and takes a seat on one of the sunbeds but he crosses his legs and leaves room enough for me right in front of him so I place our glasses of water on the small table next to it and sit right in front of him. There’s a jasmine right next to us and the scent is just marvellous.

I take off my sparto flatts so I can sit like him and ask.

“Why are you in such a good mood?”

He just smiles.

“I thought it was obvious.”

A whole zoo starts running around in my belly and I’m afraid if I were to talk I would just shout at him that I am blissful. He just chuckles and hands me the spoon though and I remember then.

“Who bought that ice-cream tub?” He looks up at me with an amused expression. “Well it’s clear it wasn’t you since you didn’t know what flavour it was.” I shrug.

“My mum did.”

“So we’re eating your mum’s ice-cream?” I laugh and he joins me.

“She won’t mind. She’s nice, I promise.”

I don’t fail to notice what he’s saying and it makes my heart beat one thousand times faster. I bet he can hear it. I take a spoonful to my mouth and somehow the taste reminds me of the first time my mum came up with the recipe of my favourite cheesecake. For some reason I decide to tell him about that.

God if he doesn’t kiss me tonight I might go insane.

Harry

We’ve been talking for long enough so that I can feel my throat and it’s basically been just asking each other questions blatanly. I have to recognize, I was the one who started asking her things like a maniac but I am just so curious I can’t even control it. About who started this Never Have I Ever game, I’m not so sure; but I’m really enjoying it to be honest, even if we’re just smiling if we had instead of having anything to drink.

“Never have I ever” she starts “use the excuse of being a celebrity so as not to wait on a line.”

I grin at her and she bursts out laughing. I love how that sounds and the way she would throw her head back so I can see her neck and her jawline... I’ve been thinking about pressing my lips on her pulse all the time.

“Never have I ever...” I look somewhere behind her trying to come up with something interesting I haven’t yet asked “wear lingerie.”

If I smile too wide I’m telling her I have worn it myself but I can’t help it if she’s still going to get all pink. I raise my eyebrows at her and she clicks her tongue and shakes her head, trying to hide the pink of her cheeks behind her hair. I want to tuck it behind her ears and have a clear vision.

“Never have I ever” her eyes sparkle like those of a naughty little girl and I feel some fire prickling on my skin at the anticipation of what she might ask “use a sex toy.”

I can’t help the stupid smile.

“What like on me?”

She blushes hard at my question. Really, Angel face?

“Or on others.” She wavers.

“Then I have.”

I grin like the Cheshire cat when I see her face. So confident Jamie is going to turn out to be all innocent in bed? I don’t think she knows how turned on this could get me and even though I know it’s dangerous territory, especially if she’s wearing that little clothes right in front of me, I don’t want to stay away.

“Never have I ever” I start “wrapped my mouth around a man.”

Fuck, I feel my dick getting hard just at the way she reacts. She looks me in the eyes with eyes wide opened but there’s no fear in them, or even embarrassment; she’s curious. She’s just fucking curious. And the way she is looking at me... She wants me.

“Never have I ever” it’s her turn but I don’t think she’s using it and I just need to know “had sex?”

I frown. Of course I’ve had sex so this is technically cheating but if I don’t ask her I might go insane.

“Of course I’ve had sex.” She whispers.

I try not to but I can’t help the dirty thoughts that come to my mind. Of course I’ve had sex. I can’t help but imagine her naked, in my mind, riding me as I just stare at her because there’s nothing else I can do. Right now she’s looking at me with her fucking sexy flush expression and I don’t think I’ve ever seen fuller lips. I lick mine.

She moves, untangling her lengs and pressing her hands on the sunbed right in front of her between her legs- this brings her elbows together and my eyes almost bulge out of my orbs when I see her breasts spilling out of her shirt. I feel my whole body turning hotter and now I can’t take the thought of kissing her skin out of my mind. Look away, look away... But when I finally manage and try to slow down my breath she gets closer to me and whispers my name.

She has to be doing this on purpose and when I can’t take it anymore I just lean in and press my lips against hers, my hand moving up to cup her cheek and bring her face to me. Her reaction is a little late but right when I’m about to pull away and apologize, she starts moving her lips against mine and my closed eyes almost roll to the back of my head. Her lips are so soft, and full... She’s such a great kisser. I eagerly slip my tongue between her lips, greedy bastard... softly dividing her mouth while my other hand caresses her waist over her shirt. I’ve been wanting to do this all night... I smile like the lucky bastard I am when she softly moans againts my lips and I have to ask her now or I will forget.

“Are you okay with this?” I whisper against her lips, my eyes searching for any sign of discomfort in hers, but all I see is her pupils are blown away and her breathing turns me on. “I know you said we we’re kind of friends” I tease her “but you were driving me crazy.”

She’s breathing hard against my lips and feeling her hot breath against my skin is driving me insane. She tastes like strawberry cheesecake ice-cream too and I can’t seem to get enough. I patiently wait for her response while she brings her hands to my neck and tangles her fingers on my hair. She nods- thank God- and my lips are back on hers whithin seconds. I let her take the intiative, testing how close is too close or what she wants to do and I feel her pulling me to her so I gently pull her waist until I lay her down on the sunbed, lying on top of her as I kiss her long and deep.

I try my best to hold my weight upon her but she keeps pulling me closer and then she opens up her thigs and I can feel my crotch finally feather her core. She moans and presses her hips up against mine making me groan against her mouth as she kisses me passionately. I can feel all my blood rushing inside my veins and I press my hips against hers once but her moans encourage me to rock my hips softly against her as I keep tasting the sweetness of her mouth. Her scent is driving me crazy.

I let my hand wander across her body, my fingertips feathering her soft skin as I try not to get too turned out or else I would burst in my pants and make a complete embarrassment of myself but she’s just so soft and so close and so warm.

“I love how you smell.” I whisper on her ear before I start kissing her neck fulfilling my dreams from all day.

“Harry” She gasps.

I don’t answer, even though I heard her, just because I want to hear her say my name again.

“Harry”

“Yeah?”

“Can you...”

“Yeah, baby?”

She looks up at me with wide eyes and swollen lips from all the kissing and I don’t think I’ve ever had anything so precious this close. She is gasping against me and she doesn’t need to say it for me to know. This is too much for her, too soon.

“Sorry” I whisper, pecking her lips softly “you’re so pretty.” I chuckle.

But she just smiles at me before her plump lips tease mine again and she captivates me. She brushes her lips against mine and leaves opened mouth kisses against my lips but doesn’t let me kiss her back. She’s going to drive me insane. I squeeze the back of her thigh on my hand to have her stop teasing me and she moans and finally lets me wrap my lips around hers.

As I kiss her harder I feel less and less oxygen on my lungs and I know she feels the same guy too so I pull away from her lips, staring down at her with pupils blown away and without removing her hazel eyes from mine, she slips her hands under my shirt and caresses the skin of my chest. My mouth grows dry and I feel my dick twitching and leaking for her. She takes off my shit over my head and I pull from her hair so she lifts her chin, granting me more access to her velvety neck. I’m close to losing it for how much I want her. She grinds her hips against mine.

“I’m so hard for you.”

She moans and I feel her body soften underneath mine but only a second later her whole body tenses up and I look down at her, afraid she’s doing something she might not want to. That time I do see her eyes fear of something close to regret so it only takes me a second to fly from her and stand on my feet.

“Are you okay?” I ask her.

She sits up. She is flushed and her chest is going up and down in a frenzy. Her hair is a mess from having had my fingers tangled on it but no one has ever looked this pretty.

“Yeah. I just needed a moment.”

After her moment we walk inside and she reaches for her phone. I really don’t want her to leave but I know she’s going to tell me she’s got to as soon as she turns to face me. The way she smiles at me takes my breath away. How is she even real?

“I have to go.” She whispers as she walks towards me and wraps her arms around my neck, smiling at me.

I smile back at her, wrapping my arms around her waist and trying very hard to control my eyes so they don’t fall back to her lips but I’ve already kissed her so I just can’t think about anything else. She smiles and closes the gap between us pressing her devilish lips against mine again. I can’t get enough.

“Sorry about earlier.” She smiles sheepishly at me, her cheeks blushing, and my heart breaks a little.

“Hey” I frown “don’t. Don’t ever be sorry about telling me to stop. I am the one who’s sorry, I-”

“No.” She shakes her head. “Just...” She bites her bottom lip. I don’t know what she wants. “I have to go.”

I nod, pecking her lips before I intertwine our hands and walk her to the door.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to drive you?”

“No, I’m okay, thank you.” She smiles as I lean my side on the doorframe.

“Okay.” I give in. “Please text me when you get home?”

“I will. Thanks for tonight.”

From Jamie: Already home. Thanks for tonight really. That was the best kiss I’ve ever been given x

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pose-at-play · 5 years

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tag you’re it

i was tagged by @lovebugbeej

- nickname: maddie (my full name is madelyn but like i’ve only been called that by family when i do something wrong/just dumb or at auditions)

- zodiac sign: aries-taurus cusp but i’m more of a taurus

- height: 5’1”

- hogwarts house: i know nothing abt harry potter but the quiz said hufflepuff when i was like 14

- favorite musician: girl in red, the regrettes, payson lewis, hayley kiyoko

- last thing i googled: ,,,how to write height

I ALWAYS FORGET IF THE ‘ OR “ GOES FIRST

- song stuck in my head: another room in your head from alice by heart

- following: 403

- followers: 682

- amount of sleep i get: on school nights probably 6 hours give or take

- lucky number: 2

- dream job: i wanna be an actress in musical theatre babie

- wearing: black mini skirt and black cami w fishnets, a red flannel, and vans

usually i’m dressed Softer but it’s almost halloween

- favorite song: i’m a theatre kid i genuinely cannot choose one so i’ll give u one i relate to a lot; portrait of a girl from bare a pop opera

- instruments: trumpet in my schools band, self taught some stuff on my keyboard and ukulele

- random facts: i grew up seeing ghosts and i still see them sometimes, also my childhood home was very haunted and we worked with paranormal investigators once. seeing the paranormal runs in my family lowkey my cousins also saw stuff. my first musical obsession was technically rent when i was 2. i have a note from alex brightman bc i wrote to him after seeing beetlejuice and he responded, sometimes i think of it to get me through bad days. i used to do a lot of witchcraft but i haven’t had much time/energy to lately, i’m still a big believer in it tho.

- aesthetics: changes daily ngl. i love soft plant girl stuff (light colors, big sweaters, just overall a gentle chill vibe) but also edgy stuff (black and red, chokers, combat boots, looks like i may kick ur ass but also not cause i’m 5’1” with long blonde hair and i’m just super tiny overall)

- tagging: @urazaabeke and uhh anyone else who feels like it idk

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sherubshereyes · 4 years

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Hey, whut up

Dear Jon:

Instead of messaging you at 3:37 am while you sleep I will write here. Write whatever I want because hopefully I will have self control and not send it anyway.

‘Lullaby’ and ‘Don’t You Worry About Me’ by Lukas Graham just came on and now I want to get serious. And I probably will send you this... when you wake the heck up. Lol.

You said something about how it’s weird to find god after a psychotic break... and I understand that fully but I’ll explain why it happens to me EVERY time I am hospitalized.

When you are in a place like -insert 3 mental health hospitals here- you feel punished. You feel ALONE... and if you let yourself believe god exists, well then you are not alone after all.

After -FV hospital- in 2011 I was 22 and I went to see Ben Rector live at the intersection in the front lounge. I didn’t even know he was a Christian artist until I got out of -FV- this time around. Like on 2/10/2020 I mean. The back is bigger at the intersection so it was maybe $10 for front shows and bob marley’s kid was performing in the back. Idk which one lol. I went out to smoke cigs periodically and I BET stoners were smoking joints and I didn’t know it. I tried weed my first time a week later while drunk on my friends 21st birthday. I smoked with her step brother (he was her roommate) and she was passed out drunk (duh) so she didn’t partake. I found myself on the deck dizzy and alone after... puking.

“Your heart won’t break I won’t let it” random lyric from the song on shuffle by Lukas Graham. Sorry I’m ADHD

“I know you know I’m not perfect and I hope you know I’m worth it” this song is good... back to my story...

This house was in a trailer park and I lived with my parents 4 miles away. I drove my drunk/high ass home and I’m not sure how I didn’t fucking die. Lol. See. God probably made sure I made it home safe. I still remember it vividly. Like, I can feel how dizzy and unsafe I was driving but I made it.

In 2017 I was hospitalized for 3 weeks, court ordered by my family, after I had met a man named "Levi” at a wedding and wanted to leave "Bob” for him. He was closer to my age, hella hot, smoked cigs and called them fags because he was from Europe. He had the same mustache tattoo as me and it was on the same finger. We snap chatted inappropriately and I don’t fucking regret it either but he bailed on me and would never speak to me again after I got out of the hospital. “Bob” and I were separated after that stay and I threw a remote at his face and he called the cops on me to report domestic assault. It was really hard and I wondered if I would go to jail. I didn’t. Don’t you think maybe god said “not today satan?” Hahaha cuz I do.

I was going to church then. -Insert church name here-. It’s non denominational and it felt right. I felt lonely and afraid so I caved and took “Bob” back even though I didn’t want to. I started crawling into his bed instead of my own. He was sleeping in the spare room and I realized I couldn’t be alone. I WANTED to be... but I couldn’t support myself and I had no other options.

“Bob” went to church with me then too a little. He has strong doubts about faith but I’ve never heard him say he is an atheist... unlike you lol.

This time around you were very present in my life for the postpartum mania and I HOPE I have not scared you. I’m pretty sure I’m just scaring myself now more than anything. I got A LOT of male attention in -FV hospital-, as I do at every hospital because I’m hella fun manic and draw people in. I’m smart, I practice self care (unlike when I’m depressed) and it shows when I let myself love myself again.

I tried to cling to “Bob” in there this time. I transferred units to avoid the men cuz 500E only ever had 3 men at all times. Coincidence I think, maybe god again?? Haha! I don’t know. I just realized that too. “Liam” told me not to put “Bob” on my phone plan when I talked about it and I defended my future actions saying “but I’m married” like it fucking mattered.

Insert break to let "the girl dogs” out and play more tunes. It’s 4:03 now and this is how ADHD I really am lol

“Take the world by storm” is on now and I feel like I’m gonna do it. In my own time.

“I want to tear down boundaries and greet my enemies” such a good song too.

It’s 4:07 and as I smoke while “Tony” barks like a bitch I realize this will have to be emailed cuz it’s gonna be a fucking novel. I hope you like it, hahaha.

“What happened to perfect” is on now and it’s like a break up song. More Lukas Graham on shuffle. See why I think god speaks to me thru music? “Tony” woke “Bob” up which is why I let her and “Casey” out. I have to make a bottle cuz “Liam” is over due but still sleeping.

4:12 am and now “Everything that isn’t me” is on and I sent this to “Bob’s” mom on Thursday. He has no idea I’m talking to her still. He’d be mad. I don’t know why he hates her so much. I kind of love her a lot.

4:20 am (lol I screen capped proof) and I’m making coffee in my Jason Momoa mug. I made “Bob” listen to that song while he changed “Liam’s” diaper.

I tried to warm up a bottle but “Liam” got impatient so it’s not so warm. I made pizza and “Bob” took the bottle and “Liam” back in the bedroom. I am banished to the living room and couch tonight, of course.

I ate peanut butter on a spoon for protein and calories before the pizza and then used the end of the spoon to open my creamer for my coffee. Fierce. I love it, I really do. My coffee is perfectly pale and I don’t care what “Liam” says about too much creamer. It’s the best. It’s 4:26 now. This coffee tastes amazing and my pizza is gone so I want to smoke again... so I probably will.

I’m going to put Ben Rector on shuffle now and see how this goes. He performs May 1st at fountain street church and I really wish I could go. I heard that ON THE RADIO in -FV hospital-. I’m not even joking. Hi, god, what up tho?

I’m cheating and playing “i like you” cuz why not. I’ll see what shuffles after. I’m going to Walgreens around 8 am to get more coffee ($2.99 for 12 k cups) I’m getting you some. I’m also searching for something on clearance in Valentine’s Day section. I’ll go to every store in town if I have to just to find it.

“Forever like that” is on now and I can’t make this shit up. If you didn’t listen to it, it’s the other love song. Probably cuz I love you so much but I’ll be ok as just your friend, honestly, I will. It’s 4:34 am now.

When my mom and I fought Wednesday I told her how “Bob” ruined my life. I don’t want to tell you. He didn’t mean to. I want you to stay his friend so bad. He needs you more than me. I’m still working on my cig and sipping coffee. It feels glorious. Insert the old character of Bobby Roode and now I wish I had a robe like him... or in general... but I lose every robe I ever own.

“I want to spend my forever like that” last lyric of the song... what will be next??

It’s called “beautiful” and I don’t know it but I I feel beautiful and sexy as hell and I like it a lot.

I’m going back inside and it’s singing “I was 16 with a broken heart with the windows down in a beat up car” damn. I was like that too. Best year of my life and why it’s my favorite number. “Liam” was born 1/16/2020 so yeah. Magic? God? Whatever. I’m gonna go in and re read and spell check this mess while watching Across the Universe. This “May be where I leave you” as I say that I think of the centaur dropping off Harry Potter after Voldemort drank unicorn blood in front of him in the forbidden forest or some shit.

4:45 am and the song on Across the Universe is “I get by with a little help from my friends” accurate. Lyric - “I get high with a little help from my friends” also true. Insert panda cuddles. One day I can get high with you again. One day. I’m definitely done now.

4:53 am and I’m gonna ask you for your email now and hope I’m not driving you crazy but if I don’t ask it now I might be too scared later.

Love you,

P.S. Second cup of coffee at 5:10 and “I’ve just seen a face” by Jim Sturgis (Beatles cover) is on Across the Universe. Look it up and please don’t freaking hate me ok. “She’s got a boyfriend” “It’s ok, I’ve got a girlfriend” I love this movie beyond measure

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shawnstoriesx · 5 years

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Bear Pt 1

hello! this is my first time writing so I hope you enjoy it ! any feedback would be appreciated!

I also rlly like angst so this is a lil angsty lol

YN parked her car and started on the short walk to her shared apartment. It was late in the evening on Friday, YN choosing to stay behind at the university library to finish up her notes and start on an essay instead of going straight home. It was only Week 2 of the her 2nd year and she was already being bombarded with assignments. All she wanted to do was recuperate over the weekend, take a much deserved nap nap, spend the Friday night in watching Netflix.

However, as soon as she pushed the door to her apartment in, YN was met with loud music and the sight of her roommate and 3 other girls she didn’t recognize running around the room, putting on makeup and pregaming. They were dressed for a night out in shorts and tank tops and were already in the mood, dancing along to the music Upon hearing the door open, Alexa turned around and gave YN a warm grin before pulling her towards the small group of girls, urging her to dance with them.

“Go out with us YN! You deserve a night out!” Alexa yelled as she pretended to grind up on YN.

YN chuckled before giving her friend a playful shove. “Nah I’m drained I’d rather spend the night in. You guys have fun though” YN responded.

After a couple more minutes of Alexa unsuccessfully trying to convince YN to come, Alexa and the other girls left while YN was sitting on the couch, trying to decide what movie to watch.

YN and Alexa had just met this year after YN responded to Alexa’s post about needing a roommate to split the apartment rent with. They had different personalities and interests but were still able to get along fine, instantly clicking with each other when they first met up to decide whether or not they were a good match. YN was definitely more reserved and introverted while Alexa was very outgoing and loved surrounding herself with people. Everywhere Alexa went, she always had a group of people following her. They seemingly worshipped Alexa and why shouldn’t they? YN’s roommate was kind, funny, inviting, and not to mention drop dead gorgeous. Alexa was a natural beauty. She really was the total package and YN was grateful that she was able to find such a great roommate.

After finally finding a movie and reheating last nights dinner, YN made herself comfortable on the couch. Just as the movie was starting, she heard a ding from her phone. It was a text from Shawn, her childhood best friend.

“Going to the club tonight w some friends. Wanna come? I’ll pick u up”

They’d been inseparable since middle school but with YN attending university and Shawn taking a gap year to travel before going to community college, they had seen less of each other. This didn’t affect the friendship at all though. They still talked regularly and were still the bestest of friends. YN just missed seeing his face but now that he was finally starting community college nearby, the two planned on seeing each other much more often.

Just as YN was about to respond no, Shawn sent another message.

“Hoping to find a girl tonight ;-) need my wingwoman”

YN’s heart dropped just a little bit. YN had always had a teeny tiny crush on Shawn. And why wouldn’t she? Shawn was handsome and kind and treated her like no other guy ever had. The crush she had was never serious though and she knew that she and Shawn were too good of friends to ever see each other in that way. Regardless, YN couldn’t help but get jealous whenever he talked about one of his previous girlfriends and every once in while imagined herself to be the person receiving all of Shawn’s affection. That couldn’t hurt right?

“no lol I don’t think me being there is gonna help you get a girl. I can’t work miracles” she responded. She could already imagine the laugh that Shawn probably let out after reading that text, deep and warm.

Shawn and her quickly caught up through text until he suddenly stopped responding mid conversation. That was odd. Even when he was busy or at a party, Shawn would always respond to her texts as soon as possible. Or at least with just a “ttyl”

“His phone probably died” YN thought and she resumed her movie.

As she was getting ready to go to bed early, another notification popped up on her phone. Thinking it was Shawn, YN rushed to her bedside where her phone was charging.

“Oh” YN couldnt help but let out a disappointed sigh. It was just a text from her roommate.

“Bringing home a guy I met at the club. Text me if u have a problem w that”

“Great...” YN thought. She was a little uncomfortable with it but it wasn’t that big of a problem, at least Alexa asked her beforehand.

“Yea no problemo. keep it down tho ;-)” she quickly typed before falling into her bed and was fast asleep within 10 min.

The next morning, YN woke up refreshed and alert. Wanting to make use of this energy, YN quickly brushed her teeth and changed into her workout clothes, a gym tank and some running shorts. YN hadn’t worked out much before (okay she didn’t work out at all outside of PE) but freshmen 15 really did a number on her and since then, YN has made an effort to exercise more often. She speed walked out of her room and to the kitchen to grab a banana and her keys, barely noticing the person standing in the kitchen until she heard her name.

“Y/N?” a familiar voice called out.

She looked up to see the confused face of her best friend, Shawn Mendes. standing in her kitchen. in nothing but boxers. with hickeys all over his neck.

“What the fuck are you doing in my apartment?” YN shouted, confusion and bewilderment obvious in her voice.

“Uh well...” Shawn started sheepishly, a blush creeping up in his cheeks, before he was cut off by Alexa opening the door with a box of bagels in her hand.

Suddenly, everything was making sense to YN. Alexa came home with Shawn last night. Her Shawn. And they had sex with her sleeping peacefully in the next room. To say YN was completely and utterly shocked was an understatement.

It’s been a couple weeks since that morning and Shawn was a common sight now in the apartment. But he wasn’t there to hang out with YN. He was there for Alexa. They started seeing each other after that night and although it wasn’t official, it seemed that Shawn only had time for her, not for his best his best friend of 8 years. First it was cancelled hangouts. Then he just stopped responding to her texts. And now, they were lucky to even exchange anything beyond a quick greeting whenever YN came home after a late night studying to see Shawn and Alexa curled on the couch together.

“You wanna grab some boba really quick YN?” Shawn asked. Shawn and Alexa were headed to the movies later tonight but Alexa got caught up at work and was going to be an hour late and he was already at the apartment.

“Nah I’m busy” YN said begrudgingly. And she really was. She had to catch up on her readings but she also really didn’t feel like talking to Shawn right now after he had so easily forgotten about her after meeting Alexa.

“You’re always too busy now, we never hang anymore” Shawn whined, walking behind her and wrapping his arms around her in a tight hug.

O so now he has time for YN now that Alexa isn’t here.

“I’m not the one who’s been cancelling our hangouts to spend time with his girlfriend” YN retorted, her voice tight as she tried to focus on the textbook in front of her. She felt Shawn shift his body and could tell that he was trying to get a read on her face.

“Hey...that was mean. And that’s not true, you cancel because you’re busy with your classes too you know” Shawn replied. A frown was obvious on his face as he tried to figure out why YN’s mood changed so quickly.

Believing it to be a result of stress from her workload, Shawn grabbed her wrist and pulled her out of her chair, enveloping her in a big hug. YN tried to fight her way out but it was no use. He was too strong, his broad arms wrapping around her frame completely. The smell of his cologne relaxed her and she gave in, resting her head in the crook of his neck and wrapping her arms around his waist.

“I miss you, YN. Please come with me” he whispered sincerely, lips ghosting over her ear. I mean, when he asked like that, how could she ever say no. A slight blush bloomed on her cheeks as she slowly nodded her head, eyes not meeting his.

YN quickly found a table in the crowded boba shop while Shawn ordered and paid for their drinks at the counter. Within a few minutes, Shawn was seated across from her. Taking a sip from their drinks, an awkward silence loomed over them.

Eager to break free of the silence, YN spoke first, hoping that her tone masked how sad she was that YN and Shawn were no longer talking as easily as they had before. “So how are you and Alexa?”

At the sound of Alexa’s name, Shawn instantly piped up, a smile growing across his face. “She’s absolutely amazing YN. I don’t know why you didn’t tell me about her before.”

He went on and on about how great Alexa was and YN couldn’t help but feel sad. But she was happy for him and Alexa nonetheless. At least they were happy together, even though she was still alone.

“And I still can’t believe she’s just as into Harry Potter as we are. You and Alexa are like the same person.”

A confused look took over YN’s face. “Wait what?” YN cut in.

“O I was just talking about how similar you two are. You share all the same interests: Harry Potter, Hozier, hiking.”

That was definitely odd. When she and Alexa first met up, YN distinctly remembers that they didn’t share many interests at all. “Maybe Alexa picked up those interests along the way while trying to get to know YN. Alexa was sweet like that” YN thought.

“Are you okay YN” Shawn said. The concern in his voice bringing YN back to the present

“O yea sorry lost in thought.” YN chuckled.

“O okay then..”Shawn started. “I wanted to ask you a question.” His voice took on a serious tone. “How do you feel about me asking Alexa to be my girlfriend?”

YN choked on the pearls she was drinking. She and Shawn both shared a nervous chuckle.

“I’m asking because we’re best friends and it must be kinda weird for me to date your roommate and...”

“I’m fine. Why would it bother me. Happy for you two” YN quickly retorted, giving a shallow smile.

Shawn gave one of his goofy grins where his entire face seemed to be smiling. His eyes crinkled and his face just lit up and it made YN’s heart race.

She missed that smile but this time, Shawn wasn’t smiling because of her. He was probably thinking about Alexa. And that crushed YN. She didn’t know why. She had never been this jealous with Shawn’s girlfriends before. Maybe it’s because this time, YN personally knew the girl. Maybe it’s because this time, YN knew that it only took Shawn one night at the club to fall for Alexa while it’s been nearly 8 years with YN and he’s only ever seen her as a friend.

YN could feel the tears pooling at her eyes and she quickly tried to hide them by bringing the sleeve of her hoodie up. But Shawn was already staring deep into her eyes and noticed the tears right away.

“YN are you okay? Honey...”

Honey. That was his childhood nickname for her ever since they made far fetched plans in 3rd grade to live in the forest together. YN would be a gardener and collect honey for Shawn, her pet bear. She was his Honey and he was her Bear and they used to refer to each other with these nicknames whenever possible, mostly as a joke because of how domestic it made them feel. But upon hearing this nickname again, YN suddenly realized how it’s been a long time since she last heard him call her that. Ever since he met Alexa.

Her body turned cold and her face became stiff at the thought. She stopped tearing up but her eyes were still glossy. “Yea I’m fine. Just tired.” she sighed.

He stood up and cupped his large hands around her face, holding her face under the deep gaze of his chocolate brown eyes. “Cut the crap YN. What’s up? You’ve been distant and Alexa and I are worried about you.”

Avoiding his eyes, her gaze fell on the door of the shop just as Alexa came in, looking fresh and bright in a short dress. A stark contrast to YN’s hoodie and jeans combo with dried tears. Of course Shawn would fall for Alexa and not her. Alexa was perfect. Perfect personality. Perfect looks.

Alexa quickly spotted the two, with Shawn’s hands cupped around YN’s face. YN didn’t know if she was imagining it but she could’ve sworn that she saw Alexa’s eyebrows raise and a look of contempt or hate cross her face before it was quickly replaced by a perfect smile.

“I’m fine Shawn. Alexa’s here and I really should go.” YN responded dryly. She pushed away Shawn’s warm hands, cheeks instantly feeling cold from the loss of contact, and collected her things.

“Whatcha doing?” Alexa chirped after landing a quick kiss to Shawn.

“I was just about to leave. You two have fun.” YN said quickly, already walking away before she had completed the sentence.

YN could hear Shawn calling out to her and imagined that he was running up to her, about to pull her into one of his big bear hugs that never failed to lift her spirits. But that daydream was quickly cut short by Alexa’s whining that they were going to miss the movie. YN continued to walk back to her apartment, still hoping that Shawn would run up to her any minute to check on her and make sure she was alright. By the time she reached the door to her apartment, YN turned around. Just to check if Shawn was a little behind from her brisk pace. But the walkway was just empty.

YN was just alone.

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes fanfiction #shawn mendes au #college!au #college!shawn #shawn mendes x yn #shawn mendes angst #angst #shawn mendes x reader #bestfriend!au #bestfriend!shawn

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