#I worked on this for 2 days and am so done with rewriting it
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To Make a Mechanical Heart Beat (Android AU)
In a highly technologically advanced world where human-like androids exist to serve humans, you lived a cushy life as the child of a successful CEO of a large biotechnology company. You grew up in a large manor surrounded by android maids and butlers that served you family’s every need and looked after the estate. Androids were a part of your everyday life, and it was easy to treat them the same as humans. They looked just like ordinary people save for the green power button located under their clavicle. You even made a few friends among the staff and cherished the android nanny you had as a child.
As an only child, your father had high hopes for you to inherit the family business and keep it thriving. Once you became of age, your father purchased you your very own android tutor who would teach you the ways of managing your family’s biotechnology business. The day you received your tutoring android Alhaitham, you were awed by his beauty. Alhaitham was the most handsome person you’ve ever seen—human or android. He had a well-defined muscular build that went surprisingly well with his smooth and youthful face. His pretty facial features were framed by ash-colored hair that looked soft to the touch. He was dressed in a sleeveless black shirt and black pants, complimented by a teal cardigan. His appearance was completed by a pair of what looked like gold and teal headphones to which several cyan wires were connected to, leading down somewhere behind his back.
When you pressed the green diamond-shaped button under his clavicle, Alhaitham powered on. As his systems started up and ran a diagnostic test, the android slowly opened his eyes to reveal the most striking pair of eyes you had ever seen. They were turquoise with orange pupils that seemed to stare right through you. He stared back at you, silent and expressionless to the point that it unnerved you a bit. You were used to the android servants in your manor acting cheerful and friendly as was a part of their programming, but your future tutor seemed to lack such a function. Even so, you were still intrigued by the handsome android, and agreed to have him as your tutor.
Once your tutoring sessions began, you quickly learned that Alhaitham was an excellent tutor. He explained tricky concepts clearly and made sure you understood the material down to the last detail. Even when there were days where you struggled to understand a certain topic, Alhaitham was calm and patient with you, trying out different ways of explaining the material to see what method worked best for you. He carried out his role perfectly, never doing anything more nor less than what was expected of him.
During your time together, you also learned that Alhaitham was a bit different from most androids you had met throughout our life. You were used to the friendly smiles and cheerful attitudes of your house servant androids, and those you encountered out in public such as cashiers and receptionists. Alhaitham was unlike them in that he rarely smiled or imitated any strong emotions for that matter. He spoke bluntly and factually, preferring to avoid pointless conversations and spent his free time in solitude.
You discovered that if you wanted to talk to him outside of your tutoring sessions, your best chance of finding him was to look in your family’s library. Alhaitham could oftentimes be found there, quietly perusing through physical copies of books instead of relying on his in-built computer to browse digital novels. When you inquired why he preferred physical books, he responded by saying he simply liked them better than digital ones, though you suspected he enjoyed the novelty of reading on paper rather than looking at a digital screen or downloading the novel to his memory storage.
To get to know your antisocial tutor better, you occasionally joined him in your family’s library during breaks. You two would read in silence at first, but as you got used to these joint reading sessions, you gradually asked Alhaitham questions, curious about this android’s opinions on various things, be they books or real-life events you saw or experienced. Upon learning he preferred non-fiction, you wanted to try and get him to try fiction for fun, so you recommended him some of your favorite romance novels and asked for his opinion on them. To your disappointment, Alhaitham seemed indifferent towards love stories, and expressed no interest in them but he at least was willing to give them a try for the sake of experiencing something novel. He didn’t seem to understand the appeal of the genre, but you supposed that was to be expected of an android.
Aside from reading in the library, you also invited Alhaitham to your outings. At first, he turned your invitations down in a polite albeit blunt manner, but eventually you managed to bribe him with promises of visiting a bookstore during one of your shopping trips. Alhaitham accepted your invitation then and followed you around the city without complaint until you found the time to visit said bookstore with him. The handsome android seemed enamored by the place—or as enamored as someone as aloof as him could look. There were minuscule changes in his facial expression—the slight curve of his mouth as the corners of his lips tugged up in a small smile. The relaxed arch of his brows and lowering of his shoulders. They were very small things, but after all your time together, you were able to pick up on these changes in him. Something about seeing him so happy made your heart flutter, so you invited Alhaitham to more book shopping trips, and even sometimes to science museums and exhibits he expressed an interest in.
As the months wore on, Alhaitham began to notice that something was off with him. He found himself looking forward to spending alone time with you in the library or going on one of your joint shopping trips to the city. Usually, he would decline such invitations if they came from anyone else in your family, but he always made an exception for you. When tutoring, he stood closer to you than he had before, catching himself analyzing the features of your face despite having seen you every day for months. His synthetic heart beat slightly faster when he was in your presence.
Alhaitham is confused at first by this unusual desire for your attention and time. He ponders why he felt this way. This type of behavior isn’t a part of his programming since it has nothing to do with his role as your tutor. The more he analyzed his symptoms, the more he was reminded of the romance novels you recommended to him a few months back. At the time, he didn’t understand the logic behind feelings of affection and romance described in those stories, but now… now something seemed to click in his mechanical mind. These behaviors and desires he felt because of you… could this be what humans called love?
#I worked on this for 2 days and am so done with rewriting it#I hope it makes sense#genshin impact x reader#genshin x reader#alhaitham x reader#alhaitham x you
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April ✮ 1 ✮ 2024 – update
Hello everyone! Happy (late) Easter and Trans Visibility day! I was offline a bit so apologies for not saying that yesterday.
It's April! And I've gotten such great feedback on the prologue! I'm super happy that everyone liked the additions and changes made in the prologue. It's going to make MC much stronger as a character I feel, and I'm excited to use that in the future. Knowing the entire story gives me a bit of an edge on knowing how things will impact what and since I can't share anything I will say that what I changed in the prologue will make future chapters MUCH better. Especially the later ones...guess you'll have to wait until CH 15 to see (lol).
I know I've been a bit late on beta testers, I've just had a lot on my plate. I've already created the beta testing discord and I'm finishing that this month in anticipation for the CH 1 rewrite, which I'm finishing in April if all continues to go well. Like the prologue, it will be dropped on Patreon as well. As well as the rest of the Valentine's Day stuff.
That's all! Chapter 1 is nearly done and it's April 1st so i'm optimistic. Chapter 2 is a whole other behemoth due to how big it is and how much I sort of want to change it, but we'll see! I've been working on Chapter 3 on my off time so once those are done Chapter 3 shouldn't take too long. I always say this but just know, I am working on it! I don't want a lot of time to go by between the Chapter 2 rewrite and the Chapter 3 release so I'm writing with that in mind :)
April To-Do:
beta testers
finish chapter 1 and release to beta testers/patrons
Patreon content
rewrite chapter 2
continue writing chapter 3
Have a good day and have a great April!
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YOUR RE-SET PART 2
Part one is here for reference.
Once you start removing all the shit from your life, they’ll be an empty space. You might not like this, but it really is an opportunity to start planting the seeds of your dreams, creating your dream life. Part 1 was clearing your garden, preparing the soil. Part 2, is actually planting the seeds. You've removed the weeds in your life, you’ve distanced yourself from the friends who bitch and moan, you also decided to create some space from the toxic relatives that remind you of the shame, and traumas from childhood. You started a little meditation and journalling practise, eating a little better, thinking kinder thoughts… but this is where you really start creating a magical life. This is your moment, no distractions, you are truly re-rewriting the script of your life.
See it as a cross roads. Do you choose to go back to what you know, or do you spend the next four months of this year taking serious actions to become who you were destined to be?
So how do you bring the vision boards to life? How do you truly re-set so that you finally shed the old skin of your past and become who you were designed to be?
1 - You need a vision. This needs to inspire and motivate you, so trade in one of your Netflix shows, or social media binges to create your vision. Screenshot images from Pinterest or wherever, add them into a keynote on your laptop, or use Canva, however you make your vision board let it be your absolute wildest dreams. If it's living in one of those houses from Architect Digest magazine in the middle of Norway, go find those images. If its being a badass CEO who makes eight figures, find an image that represents that. Add activities what your day is like, fashion inspo, locations, events, whatever you want your life to look like go create the vision. And make sure it inspires you. You want to feel that little fire in your belly when you look at it, if it’s not giving that energy, keep working on it till it does. Its really important you remind your self of this vision with affirmations as you look at it, ‘I am’, ‘I feel’, ‘I love’ use these power statements as you speak life as you go through each image e.g ‘I am living in my beautiful home on the coast of Spain, it feels so peaceful to wake up to the sunrise and hear the crashing waves as I look out from my balcony, I am so in love with my home, its represents who I truly am, I love my coffee table books (list them out).' Go on a rampage as you speak life into your vision board (do this as a consistent practise daily or weekly).
2 - Part of your re-set is looking the part. You will have a vision completely unique to you of what the dream version for you looks like, smells like, walks like, dresses like. Your goal is to get crystal clear on this and BRING HER TO LIFE. This will be done in steps, but literally start figuring out what you need to do in order to look the part. This might involve a different hair style. If you always dreamed of long hair but your hair is textured - go get a weave or hair extensions, if you are obsessed with those lamination brows and lashes, go figure out how you can look and feel as your dream girl. Stop using money as an excuse, if your hair is too expensive, find someone more affordable, or do it at home. If you can’t afford designers but see yourself living that life go buy a replica and FEEL the part until you can get there. This is about you looking and feeling like your best self, and it might seem unimportant but how you look affects how you feel and that physical glow up adds LEVELS of confidence to a woman. So start moving away from what you know, have known and step into your truth. Let go of the shame from family, friends. Stop living in their shadows, hiding from their opinions and judgements. This is your moment.
3 - Create a routine of greatness. What does your day need to involve for you to show up as your best self? As you reflect you’ll see there are things that work and things that absolutely don’t work in your life and now is your moment is to start adjusting. This is for food, exercise, keeping your home clean, keeping organised. This is also about knowing yourself. For example, if you usually walk your dog in the morning but by the time you come home, you don’t have enough time to do your hair and make-up or eat a healthy breakfast - SHUFFLE your morning. This is about making life work for you. Not you working for life, working to survive, rushing everywhere. No, this is about your life, working to suit you best. So take inventory of what is not working and what is and start adapting. Another example. If you want to whiten your teeth and those strips are not working out for you because they feel horrible and you always forget. Go get a whitening powder you can brush on your teeth after you clean them, plus you brush your teeth everyday, so adding an extra step of brushing with the whitening powder at the sink is a much more effective routine that works for you. Do you get the message? Start re-adjusting your routine so there is more flow, and structure aligned with how you want to live.
4 - You need to fucking exercise. It doesn’t matter how you do it. Just make sure you do it. And exercise that is actually consistent and motivates you. This is your confidence booster, your discipline trainer, your toned body enabler, your energy replenisher, your anti-depressants, your anti-anxiety medication, your meditation, your self love. It’s all that and so much more. If you’re new to exercise start small, and progress. Keep those little promises to yourself and if your annoying friends want to see you, only meet them if they join you on a class which allows you to kill two birds with one stone.
5 - Your passions. Remember those things. The things as a a child that used to bring you joy. Now you have all this free time since you stopped scrolling you can actually remember life before 4 hour binges on tiktok and Netflix. Go grab your skates, your paint brushes, your boombox, your knitting kit, your colouring pencils, your baking materials, your swimming goggles, your library card - whatever the fuck is your passion. GO POUR INTO THAT. Just once a week, even for an hour if that’s all you can manage, but focus on that. This is how you attract more of that positive energy into your life, you connect with your inner child, you soothe her and make her feel so wholesome.
6 - KEEP REFLECTING, as you continue on this journey to becoming your best self, things will work, you’ll trip up a few times, you’ll learn so much about yourself but it's SO important to keep moving forward. For example if you realised you don’t like your social circle, but noticed you keep judging your friends - you are still swirling in low vibration, because that judgmental inner voice is still keeping you in the gutter. Your daily meditation practise, and reflecting would reveal this to you, and without noticing you are still staying stuck. The purpose of this whole re-set is to elevate yourself, your life and start living your dreams. So daily, weekly, as often as you can. Reflect. This worked, this didn’t, this is what I can do better next time, become your own fucking guru. Know thy self. Keep moving forward. Keep checking yourself.
...And remember know one gives a fuck about this journey you’re on, no one is rooting for you, no one cares if you literally remain the same person you’ve always been. This is truly on you. This is your opportunity to take major leap. To quit being the person who feels like she deserves a better life, who wants more. Now you get to actually BE more, live more. This is a transition. You’re moving out of the old shadows and into the light. This is your moment for change, so embrace it. Live it and keep pushing forward.
#manifesting#lawofattraction#levelup#levelup confidence lawofattraction powerofthemind#growthmindset#levelupjourney#manifestyourreality#hypergamy#manifest#manifestingmindset
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Fic Recs (steve harrington)
just some of my favorite one-shots or series i’ve read on ao3 and few from tumblr. all works ranging from 1.5k to 30k+ i believe. 18+ readers!
some have a tumblr that i tagged, but others i couldn’t find . i am doing this on mobile which is a bit difficult haha! i read these all (except 2) on ao3 so the links will be ao3. i know some are here on tumblr but i didn’t realize till after reading and making this! <3
steve harrington
come home by @stevie-petey <3💕
-"come home to me, okay?"
"always," steve promises
in between saving will, then hawkins, then somehow the world, you fall in love with steve harrington.
(a stranger things rewrite).
dancing with our hands tied by @andvys
-You and Steve have never seen eye to eye, and it never changed, not even when you were pulled into a world of monsters and risked your life to save him. But tension had always been between you both, something that neither of you ever wanted to admit -- but how much longer can you take it when the pull between you gets stronger and stronger each second you spend by each others side?
paint me red by eddiemunsons ao3
-You're one of Vickie's best friends. Her girlfriend, Robin, is in need of a distraction for her best friend, Steve Harrington, who you vaguely remember from school. Which is where you come in.
i’m your idiot by thebestandworstdayofjune ao3 @thebestandworstdayofjune
-Steve Harrington has a way of worming himself into your heart, and social situations you had done your best to exclude him from.
small hands, big heart by finalgirlharrington ao3 @sexybabystevie
-Steve Harrington has a massive crush on you, but his recent lack of luck in the romantic sense has him stuck on how to make a move. Plus, something about you makes him nervous in a way he's never been – in a way he likes. His simplest solution? Flirting via the old 'comparing hand sizes' method.
promise by Harley_Honey_Quinn ao3
-Reader learns about Steve's feelings thanks to some Russian truth serum.
kiss me by @corrodedseraphine
-Your friend is desperately trying to find a person who will give him something more. Wanting to feel what it's like to be loved again and after many failed dates he gets the idea that it's time to go back to King Steve's famous tactics. Telling him that it's not the best idea gets you involved in a deal where you have to help him get another girl. Will helping the boy you're in love with turn out to be a good idea? Probably not.
every rose has its thorn by @corrodedseraphine
-Christmas is coming to Hawkins. It is a time of joy and forgiveness. It turns out that your sister's best friend is looking for a new place to live, and you happen to have a spare room in the apartment. It wouldn't be a problem if that friend wasn't Steve Harrington. A man whom the more you try to avoid even more often comes back like a boomerang.
hearts on the telephone line by t_lostinworlds ao3 @t-lostinworlds
-You thought Steve was okay dealing with a long-distance relationship after you moved for an exciting internship in New York. But you were proven so wrong when your boyfriend finally poured his feelings over the phone. Because distance wasn't making his heart grow fonder, it was breaking it.
competitively stupid by t_lostinworlds ao3 @t-lostinworlds
-It was stupid, jumping off a cliff just to prove that you were better than Steve fucking Harrington. But you were competitive. You were not losing to him. But you know what was stupider? For it to take a near-death situation for you both to confess what you truly feel for each other.
perfect blend by Your_Writer ao3
-No one likes their summer job. Working at a coffee shop was sticky, exhausting, and overall boring. In fact, the highlight of your day was the charming, gentle eyed sailor scooping USS Butterscotch just across the way.
the things we don’t say by rdrickheffley ao3
-Steve Harrington once was the bane of Y/n's existence. He had always been an arrogant asshole and a terrible kisser. She never understood how others fell for the boy's eye-roll worthy charm. Now it seems like he will do anything to prove her wrong about anything.
next time? by rdrickheffley ao3
-Three instances where Steve and reader find themselves in intimate situations.
candyfloss and confessions by ACourtofSnakesandStars ao3
-You’ve been in love with Steve Harrington for years, like every cliche come to life. You’ve battled monsters, found friends within kids with superpowers, and you even managed to graduate. Yet the one thing you’ve never been able to do, is tell Steve how you feel. But maybe you don’t need to wait any longer.
a night to remember by RaeWrites94 ao3
-Steve has to attend his 10 year high school reunion and somehow manages to convince you to go as his date and his fake girlfriend. You've had feelings for him for a long time, but figure, why not? You could probably survive an evening of pretending he liked you back and come out unscathed. Right?
with bated breath by brianmay ao3
-Rumors fly after you attend Steve Harrington’s party one weekend in September. Thinking they were his doing, you do everything in your power to avoid him, which proves easier said than done.
cross my heart (and hope to die) by @talesofesther
-Every time Steve gets hurt, you're there to help pick up the pieces; you just weren't expecting him to fall for you in the process.
tales of a love between the lines by @talesofesther
-Sometimes the thing we want most is right in front of us, and Steve might be just that for you; all you have to do is see what he’s been showing you for a long time.
love is easy by seidenbros ao3
-The day you wrote I love you on a post-it note before you'd said the words out loud, and it's the best note Steve ever got.
everything means nothing if i can’t have you by iridescentpetrichor ao3
-Steve and Y/N go on a double date to impress the other one, but it's only so long until the tension between the two breaks.
you’re not by frostandflames ao3 @frostandflamesfanfic
-The year is 1985, you're on a school field trip to cheer on Hawkins High at the championship game before spring break. When the game doesn't pan out as expected, you're even more surprised to discover the one and only Steve Harrington in only his underwear at your hotel room after being locked out by his teammates. What happens when the two of you have a little heart to heart?
last christmas by frostandflames ao3 @frostandflamesfanfic
-You and Steve had always been childhood friends-and remained that way. As Steve ping-pongs around in his relationship status, you have a hard time keeping your feelings to himself as Nancy surrounds his entire world. What Steve doesn't know is his relationship to Nancy may end your own with Steve.
the scoundrel and the princess by @mrshipsmcgee
-after an awkward run in with Tommy Hagan, Steve Harrington is invited to an awful party where he meets a beautiful stranger.
also have a ton under the (steve harrington x reader) on my blog! credit to the maker of the gif from pinterest!
#fic rec#fic recommendations#stranger things#steve harrington x reader#steve harrington#x reader#one shot#imagine#f!reader#series#smut#fluff#angst#enemies to lovers#ao3#stranger things rewrite#stranger things au#gn reader#stranger things x reader#steve harrington fic rec#steve harrington fic recommendations#joe keery
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WIP Wednesday
Thank you for the tag @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin , im never sure if ppl look forward to whats upcoming from me, but these keep me honest 🤣😭
Step one: Post snippets of the fics you're working on (can be a summary if there's no snippet)
Step two: put them in a poll and let people vote on which one you should work on, then prioritize the one with the most votes.
Step three: Ask me about my WIPs! Don't be shy, I love talking about my fics! We don't create or share in a void, we want to hear from you lovelies!
Well, Mega, what can we look forward to 👀
1) Beauty and the Beast Inspired Stunna: I have severe Yahya Abdul Mateen II brainrot and baby, 🥲 the way I want to write literally everything for him. This will be a precursor to a novella I wanna write with original characters and lots more action, but Id love extra feedback for it. It will have vampires, toxic staff, and naughty bits.
2) Mea Culpa: I have been debating how much time I wanna dedicate to rewriting that monstrosity of a movie 🤭 okay, thats not fair. The idea was there, the execution wasn't because TP wouldnt know what's sexy if it slapped him in his face. Who am I fooling? I won't be satisfied until I write the whole thing and satisfy my brain. So yeah, prepare for a rewrite according to what I would've done. Think corruption kink, think court drama, think Zyair being the toxic mess we know and love.
3) Mob Boss Tyrone: I feel like ive been teasing this for years 🥲😭🤣 and thats because the ask was specifically for a one shot and I plotted out 7 parts 🤭🤣 at this point, yall know how I am. I tried to conform to short fics for my sanity and I just cant 🤷🏽♀️ some ideas require one part, some require several. It will include hella angst, hella smut, hella toxcity, but at the end of the day, hes always going to love his baby girl. I also think im going to switch it to Fontaine chuz thats a prettier/grittier name and would suit the story better.
4) A Watchmen fic for Cal (Yahya): lissen, ive finally went back to finish Watchmen. Not because it was a bad show, but because it requires 100% of my focus and I aint had it. But for Yahya? Ill make the time. I feel like that is 100% a soft dom and I just wanna be his cute lil princess, sue me 🤷🏽♀️ I love a man I can't tell what to do 🤣
Theres more but for the sake of brevity, Ill keep it at the 4 most occupying my brain at the moment. Soooo, which one yall want first? And yes 🥲 im aware of how many series I need to update 🥲
No pressure tags: @nerdieforpedro @harmshake @notapradagurl7 @ellethespaceunicorn @miyuhpapayuh
#megaminds updates#megaminds tag game#tag game#tumblr tag game#wip#work in progress#wips#Ask me about my WIPs#poll game#poll#megaminds polls
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Freaky Friday - A Stranger Things Story (Part 4)
Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5
Word Count: 13.8k
Pairing: Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader, Steve Harrington x Fem!Reader, Eddie and Steve (Enemies to Friends)
Summary: Eddie thinks that Steve has everything in life handed to him on a silver platter (including his new girlfriend who Eddie has a crush on). And Steve just can't believe that the kids look up to Eddie the Freak, or that he lives his life without giving a single fuck.
Must be nice. But you know what they say, the grass is always greener.
Warnings/Themes: AU with no Upside Down. Angst, body swapping, dark magic/alchemy, unrequited love, mutual pining, fatphobia (if you squint?), Babysitter Steve, unresolved feelings, manipulation/deception, Things That Require Communication (Too Bad There Isn't Any), Reader gets a nickname (Honey), no Y/N if I can help it, brief mention of suicide, self hatred, loss of identity, oral sex (f receiving), vaginal fingering, dry humping
Note: Ok this one...took a while. And after 3 rewrites and me coming to a 3 am epiphany that I'm a better writer than I give myself credit for, here we are. Shout out to @ghost-proofbaby @trashmouth-richie @br0ck-eddie @big-ope-vibes and I'm sure a lot of other people for getting me through this. My computer is currently running like a potato and doesn't want me to add more to this text post.
You can find my masterlist here.
Please do not interact if you are not 18+.
Enjoy!
"What do you guys think he's doing?"
"He seems pretty focused. New lyrics?"
"Nah, he has to be planning something really messed up for Friday's session."
"Or, instead of lurking around and gossiping like old biddies," Steve raised his voice to add to the commentary. He glanced up from his notebook and passed an expectant look at the rest of Corroded Coffin as they hovered a few feet away, lunches in hand, hesitant to join him at the lunch table. "You could just ask. Now are you guys gonna just stand there looking like nerf herders or are you gonna sit?"
The boys immediately jumped and shuffled to the table to take their seats.
"Uh, so...Eddie," Jeff began hesitantly as worked on the latch of his lunchbox. "What, uh, are you writing?"
"Miller wants an essay about the Constitution," Steve explained and scratched his forehead with the worn-down eraser of his pencil.
"Oh shit, and it's due today?" Dave went wide-eyed.
"Nah, not til next week," Steve shrugged, and then looked up to see the dumbstruck expressions on Eddie's friends' faces. "What?"
"You're...doing homework that's due next week?" Gareth laughed. "Who are you and what've you done with Eddie?" The other boys chuckled and Steve couldn't help but crack a secret smile.
If they only knew.
It was another hour, another day, another week in the body of Eddie Munson.
For the most part it had been bearable, and Steve wondered if it was actually getting easier or he was just getting used to it. He really hadn't realized how many plates Eddie kept spinning though, and when he initially questioned how Eddie continued to fail senior year...well he quickly changed his tune.
On top of the Hellfire Club, Corroded Coffin gigs and practices, and the endless parties that he seemed to be invited to deal at, he seemed to take care of everyone.
He made sure the kids and the guys were all protected from bullies, which meant Steve had to perpetuate the whole Satanic facade--he was getting pretty good at the devil horns and tongue. The money he made dealing immediately got split between various stashes around the trailer, then his and Wayne's wallets, which made Steve extremely guilty about the allowance his mother bribed him with gave him. And if that wasn't enough, Eddie was the one who shopped and made meals for Wayne and, surprisingly, Reefer Rick.
Steve had only seen Rick a handful of times over the years before Eddie had taken over as the designated dealer at all the high school and college parties. More recently, Rick would only make a trip into Hawkins to stop by the VFW and then swing by Family Video. He never questioned why...and he almost felt ashamed that he never did before now.
He got too hung up on rumors and jokes. About Rick. And about Eddie.
Steve had promised to play the part though, and he did...but it was really starting to wear him out.
Still...Steve figured that he would make the slightest bit of an effort on Eddie's school work. For all the glory days of high school that Steve had...he was getting pretty sick of Hawkins High. At the very least, he could help Eddie get out of here. And at the most, if he was stuck in Eddie's body forever...well, he didn't want to be a 50-year old high school senior.
Jeff and the guys had mocked Eddie's speech about flipping Higgins off during graduation...and damn if Steve wasn't going to make that happen, come hell or high water.
The younger boys finally took their seats at the table, Dustin practically bursting with frantic energy, as usual, and Mike extra glum.
"What's got you down Wheeler?" Steve asked, throwing a pretzel at Mike's head. "I know it's only Monday but..."
"Someone's keeping my birthday present a secret," Mike groused and Dustin rolled his eyes.
"Here we go. He's been complaining about it all day," he explained. "Lucas and I literally can't have a minute alone to discuss it."
"You know I hate secrets."
"And he tried to bribe Will."
The two of them squabbled back and forth and Steve grinned fondly.
He might've loathed the homework but he was glad he got to see the kids more. More still, he was...almost grateful that Eddie had been there to guide them through the minefield of the first few months of freshman year, since he couldn't.
"Alright, that's it. Shut up!" Steve finally shouted. "You're just gonna have to have a little patience, Wheeler. Just cuz your mommy still says you're special, doesn't mean everyone else is gonna let you walk all over them."
The guys all snickered and made quiet jabs and kissy noises at him, calling him Mama's Boy and the like, as Mike turned red.
"Shut up I don't--hey, how did you know about that?" he narrowed his eyes. Steve's eyebrows jumped in challenge and Mike backed down with a sigh. "Whatever. Fuck you guys...anyway, Eddie, my sister wants to talk to you," he announced in a bored tone.
Now that piqued Steve's interest; he sat up straight and glanced around the cafeteria for her.
As though he didn't know exactly where she and Jonathan Byers sat.
He felt his heart speed up when he met her eyes and she waved him over.
Steve had done his best over the last year-and-a-half to get over Nancy. He'd gone to prom solo, asked new girls out left and right...shit he'd even tried to get her back once or twice. Or at least get her to dump Jonathan. He wasn't entirely proud of it but...Robin had really been the one to set him straight.
He'd faced a lot of bitter realizations but he thought he'd been through the thick of it. Seeing Nancy in passing now and again at school though...well it wasn't doing anything to help that.
And now Nancy wanted to talk to Eddie? Why? They didn't have any classes together--she had practically all Advanced Placement classes and Eddie obviously didn't. Aside from his association with Mike, Nancy steered clear of Eddie.
As Steve got to his feet--ignoring Dustin's cry of "hey can you meet me in the library after school"--a laughable thought struck Steve.
First you had confessed your crush on Eddie. What if Nancy was next in line?
He faltered in his step as he made his way across the cafeteria.
Maybe it wasn't so laughable after all.
Since you had made that little confession to "Eddie," Steve had gotten half-the-idea in his head that...well Eddie wasn't that bad of a guy, what if he could find Eddie a girlfriend or something? He'd tried to ask out a few of the cheerleaders who had approached him about dealing at a party but was promptly laughed at.
And he wasn't gonna even bring up that one girl who was lingering in the theater department last Friday after school, as he went to set up for Hellfire with the kids. He was lucky she didn't just die of fright as he said hi.
What if the answer was Nancy all along?
It almost made him feel a little sick.
Except...
She liked...weird guys like Jonathan...and Eddie was certainly a weird kind of guy. And one of the things Nancy had liked about Steve had been his cool personality. Sure Eddie was sort of a loser...but she was popular now thanks to Steve...what if she liked the cool, bad boy and was getting bored of Jonathan.
As he continued on his journey he mentally calculated the distance between Will and Nancy. Their table was pretty packed--filled with their friends from Newspaper--and there was more distance between them than there had been between him and Nancy right before they broke up.
"Hey, uh, Byers, Wheeler," he greeted awkwardly and crossed his arms over his chest and devoted his attention to Nancy. "You wanted to talk?"
"Yeah can we..." she got to her feet and motioned toward the door.
Steve's heart pounded in his ears as he followed.
"Listen, Miss O'Donnell was a little worried about your grade and she asked if I could maybe...tutor you," Nancy explained, then paused pensively. "Actually, I asked her for a letter of recommendation for one of my applications and she said she would if I tutored you ahead of the midterm. Sorry. I-I do think she's really concerned about your progress though."
"I think the more accurate statement is that she doesn't wanna see my ugly mug in her class again next year," he joked and she gave him a tight-lipped, sympathetic smile.
"I didn't want to agree if you weren't open to it," Nancy sighed. "But I really need that letter. You'd...you'd really be my hero if you did this."
Steve stared at her for a moment, his thoughts racing at all the possibilities.
It didn't really sound like she was tempted to leave Jonathan in the first place but...that didn't mean he couldn't turn on the old Harrington charm. She had fallen for it once...maybe she enjoyed the charm just in a different package. And yeah, he had you waiting for him if he ever made it back to his body. But...if he didn't...
"Listen, I want out of here as much as the next person," Steve finally replied. "So, uh, I'm game if you are."
"Great!" Nancy placed a hand on his shoulder excitedly and Steve could practically feel the warmth of it despite the layers of denim and leather. "Uh...I have some free time after school today?"
Steve vaguely remembered Dustin wanting to meet him...he was sure it had something to do with the spell and he certainly didn't want Nancy to find out about that.
"I, uh, have a Hellfire thing," he lied. "How about Wednesday? I always study better with a few snacks. We can meet at Benny's? 5 o'clock?"
Nancy nodded and confirmed the time and place. She placed her hand on his shoulder again, then went back into the cafeteria.
It took a second, but Steve suddenly felt like all the wind was knocked out of him.
"Eddie" had a study date with Nancy on Wednesday.
He had a date with Nancy.
Eddie was halfway through his shift before anything exciting happened.
Sorry, halfway through Steve's shift.
He really wasn't trying to be bitter but...
Eddie had spiraled for a few days after the unfortunate mishap while he was trying to...relieve himself. Sure, it started with "Steve's" relationship with you, but it was almost like Pandora's box; once the box was opened, everything flooded out. He couldn't sleep without thinking of it, and every waking moment, he was consumed by the blaring differences in their lives.
He wasn't himself and it was driving him crazy. Making him sick.
The smell of the laundry detergent Mary Harrington used, the taste of the tap water in their hose, the softness of Steve's bed.
He'd tried to get comfortable in someone else's skin but the truth was that he wasn't going to fit in it, even if he wanted to.
However, in order to get back to his own life, he needed to keep playing the part of King Steve Harrington, keep stuffing himself into a place that didn't fit. Ignore the stifling tightness, the bulges, and the stretching at the seams of his very being.
That didn't mean he had to give up everything that made him Eddie.
He'd had a day off last Tuesday, and he'd just...spent it trying to reconnect with himself.
He'd stopped by Rick's for weed--and also to check on him, even though Rick wouldn't realize he was Eddie--drove up to Fort Wayne to get high and walk through the conservatory, buy some concert tees at the second hand shop.
By the time he arrived at the Hideout for Corroded Coffin's gig, he felt almost whole. And then he had one of the best performances of his life.
Only to realize that he couldn’t fully enjoy it.
Which led him to skip out on Benny’s with the guys after the set, because as much as he wanted to see you, he knew he couldn’t stand to witness the way you would be indifferent to “Eddie” only to dote on “Steve.”
This was so fucked up. He didn’t know how much longer he could take it.
It was as he had that very thought that his beloved van pulled up right outside the store and “Eddie” and the kids piled out, looking frantic and excited.
Dustin caught Eddie’s attention and quickly waved to get him to come outside.
“I thought you were the babysitter Harrington,” Keith sniffed judgmentally from the front of the shop where he was stocking a display. “What’s Munson doing here with your kids?”
“He got custody in the divorce,” Eddie snarled and vaulted over the counter. “I’m taking my lunch.”
“Wh-hey?!” Keith stuttered as Eddie strutted out the door purposefully. “You forgot to clock out!”
Steve and the kids were all talking over one another excitedly by the time he reached the group.
“They wouldn’t tell me shit until we got here,” Steve grinned. “But apparently they figured out how to fix this.”
“What?!” Eddie’s eyes went wide, the prospect of being back in his own body too monumental to not be excited. “That’s great!”
“We’ve translated the passage!” Dustin announced.
“We?” Lucas asked skeptically.
“Lucas translated the passage,” Dustin amended.
Before Eddie knew it, he and Steve were sitting in the back of the van as Dustin, Lucas, and Will went back and forth over their findings.
He felt like he was in an episode of Columbo for a minute. The kids being detectives who solved a great mystery and were reliving their investigation step-by-step. Lucas did most of the Latin translation, but part of it fell on Will’s shoulders. It wasn’t your run-of-the-mill Latin they learned in class but some obscure dialect.
“Which, uh, I coincidentally have a book about because I have actually been coming up with that one-off campaign for Mike’s birthday,” Will confessed and reached up to scratch the back of his neck as he turned red. The other boys whooped and patted him on the back and Eddie couldn’t help but feel proud of him too.
Eddie always said these kids were the future of Hellfire, but truly he couldn't see them having a better DM than Will Byers.
"Anyway," Dustin returned to the topic at hand. "This is what we ended up with." He pulled a crumpled up piece of notebook paper from its place within his backpack and handed it to Eddie.
The page was covered in crossed out words and different scribbles in each of the boys' incredibly distinct handwriting.
"Jeez, you couldn't have at least rewritten it on a fresh piece of paper?" Steve asked critically. Dustin simply rolled his eyes and grumbled something along the lines of "next time you're cursed, you're on your own" as Eddie and Steve leaned together to read the translation.
A journey soon begins,
its prize reflected in another's eyes.
If what you see is what you lack,
then selfless love will change you back.
Eddie felt his throat tighten as the guilt washed over him.
Sure, he had accepted that the fault lay entirely with him--he already vowed not to use any occult books for future campaigns again--but seeing it there on paper just solidified it.
A prize reflected in another's eyes. You. But you weren't some prize to be won. Sure he...he wanted you to be his but you weren't some object. And to think of you that way...well...he knew enough about magic to know that it didn't happen by accident. He had to believe that you were a prize, at least a little bit, to make something like this happen.
He rubbed a hand over his eyes wearily.
This wasn't what he wanted at all.
"Alright, so what does it mean?" Steve questioned.
"It means you two are jealous of each other," Lucas explained.
Both Steve and Eddie stiffened.
"What?" they exclaimed in tandem. They looked at each other and Eddie laughed while Steve simply looked horrified.
"What do you mean, jealous of each other?" Eddie scoffed.
"Oh, come on Munson," Steve rolled his eyes. "Of course you're jealous of me, this entire predicament we're in is because of you and because--."
"No, no," Eddie held out a hand to stop him from continuing. "Shut up. I'm jealous, alright? Jealous that you seem to get everything handed to you. Anything you want? It's yours. Is that what you wanna hear Stevie?
"But," Eddie paused and narrowed his eyes. "Why are you jealous of me?"
"W-what?" Steve coughed awkwardly. "I'm not--"
"Why did you say that Sinclair?" Eddie jumped to his feet and pointed at Lucas. "Why did you say that we were jealous of each other?"
"Uhhh..." Lucas squirmed a little under the intense scrutiny of the older boys. "W-well...it's about the way the sentences were structured. I'm not...I'm not an expert or anything but it's referring to you in plural. If what you, vōs, seek is what you lack. Not you, tu."
Eddie then turned back to Steve and crossed his arms over his chest.
"Well?" Eddie asked expectantly.
Steve was still for a moment before he began fidgeting. He fumbled over his words--a bunch of well-you-sees and you-don't-understands--as he pinched the bridge of his nose and ran a hand through his hair. Eddie watched, almost sympathetically knowing how hard it was for him getting used to Steve's unfamiliar body, as Steve faltered with his longer mane.
"It's...I...it doesn't matter!" Steve finally shouted. He jumped to his feet and put his hands on his hips; he began pacing back and forth, one arm occasionally flailing as he gesticulated. "It doesn't matter why I'm jealous of Eddie? So what? We need to figure out how we can fix this.
"Selfless love? For what? For each other?" Steve blew a raspberry childishly. "Fat fucking chance. There has to be another way. I don't care what we need to do. I just want to change back."
"Change back from what?" a light, raspy voice sounded from over their shoulders.
The entire group stiffened and turned toward the voice and, lo and behold, there stood Robin. Shuffling her feet back and forth restlessly, frozen in place as she tugged her family video vest from her backpack. The moment everyone's eyes were on her, she grinned bashfully and waved at them all.
"Well, shit," Steve cursed in the most Eddie-like fashion.
If it had been up to Steve, Robin would never have found out about the whole...switching bodies...curse...spell...thing...
But when did something he wanted ever be taken into account by the universe, huh?
As soon as the group had realized Robin was there, all of the deflection and anger drained from Steve's body. He felt guilty for another one of his friends getting dragged into this mess. Because as much as he was happy to let Eddie take the fall, the fact of the matter was that Steve was just as jealous of Eddie.
As much as Eddie had admitted to being of him.
Steve had wanted to give her an explanation right then and there, and he would have if Keith hadn't chosen that moment to be his usual effervescent self.
"I'm closing the arcade tonight," he opened the door and glared across the parking lot at "Steve" and Robin. "So you need to clock in Buckley, and if your friends are still here by the time I take my break later, your hours are getting cut."
If there was one thing Steve had to choose that he didn't miss about his own life, it would be his boss.
So Steve brought the kids home and then returned to the Family Video parking lot to endure panic-inducing silence as he waited for Eddie and Robin to close the store. He could have listened to one of Eddie's endless tapes or smoked--Eddie's body was constantly craving one thing or another: cigarettes, sugary or salty snacks--to kill the time. He simply couldn't bring himself to do it.
It was a literal out-of-body experience. He watched himself and Robin talk and laugh as they went back and forth, helping customers and cleaning up once the store was empty. He knew his friend, knew that she was stronger and smarter than other people gave her credit for.
But this? This made him feel dizzy sometimes if he thought about it too hard.
He hoped they wouldn't get too far, so he could at least...have a decent conversation with her for the first time in a few weeks. Short of seeing her in passing at school...well...he hadn't gone this long without talking to Robin since they became friends.
And he really needed his best friend right now.
Eventually the lights in the businesses of the strip mall began to click off, one by one, and Steve practically held his breath until Family Video's lights finally shut and Eddie and Robin exited the building.
Eddie slapped a hand on Robin's shoulder and said something that made her roll her eyes before he got into Steve's car and drove away.
Robin made a beeline for the van and silently hopped into the passenger's side. Steve's hands--Eddie's hands--gripped the steering wheel tightly enough that he could feel the rings cutting into the creases of his fingers.
The atmosphere in the van was heavy as he sat under Robin’s scrutinizing gaze.
"I knew something was up," Robin finally announced as she slammed the door closed. Steve looked at her as though she had grown a second head.
"What do you mean ‘you knew?’” Steve asked incredulously.
She sighed and began counting on her fingers.
“You’ve been a real grouch when you’ve picked me up from class lately and I know you’re a morning person. Which sucks, by the way. You asked if I wanted to skip home room and get McDonald’s breakfast with you, you hate McMuffins—”
She went on and on, and Steve melted. Yeah, he could admit they had their squabbles and they didn't always see eye to eye. But at the end of the day, no one really understood them like they did each other.
And it felt really good to be understood as Steve Harrington right now.
"--and then you're always complaining when your mom doesn't cut the crusts off your sandwiches and lately you've just been eating them. Also I mentioned something about Vickie the other day and you just ignored it, so I figured that you were just annoyed with me."
She heaved a little bit at the end, having said the last bit in one go without stopping for air. Steve reached across the console and flicked her ear, causing her to slap at his hand.
"Ow, butthead! What was that for?" she exclaimed.
"Are you fucking kidding me Rob?" Steve burst out laughing and Robin chuckled along with him. "Why didn't you say anything?"
"How was I supposed to know you switched bodies?" she slouched into her seat. "Here I was thinking that you just didn't wanna be friends with me anymore. Which, you have to admit, is a more likely explanation."
Steve was about to protest but he stopped mid-word and frowned.
"You know what? You're right."
"I know," she grinned smugly. "Now what have you been up to and how much help do you need with this whole 'switching back' thing? Because Eddie isn't that great at being Steve, which means you must really suck at being Eddie."
They went back and forth as Steve put the van into drive and regaled Robin with stories and mishaps in the short time he'd spent as Eddie Munson, and she laughed at his stupidity.
After he left Family Video, Eddie found himself driving aimlessly through the streets of Hawkins. He thought a weight would have lifted off his shoulders after he explained everything to Robin, but everything was...almost a little worse now.
She'd had questions, like any normal person would. Actually, a normal person would have just had them committed. Robin was special though; her own brand of freak. And she was quick to adapt.
Eventually though...the topic turned to you.
When was Eddie gonna tell you what happened? Did you already know? You deserved to know before you fell too hard for Steve; otherwise, you'd be heartbroken if you ever found out that he was actually Eddie.
Of course, that only fed into all of Eddie's insecurities and self-hatred. All of the doubts he had spent days trying to stuff into the furthest corner of his mind returned with a vengeance.
You wouldn't feel the same thing about him if he was actually Eddie Munson.
Robin didn't know exactly what her words had done to him; she was fully oblivious to his real feelings for you. So he'd done his best to keep those thoughts at bay, and resolved to treat himself to a drive around with the windows rolled down and headband to Metallica as he smoked.
But then Robin opened her big mouth as they locked up for the night and it sent him into another spiral.
"You know...with a little more time, I would have probably figured it out," she chuckled. "You're not as good at being Steve as you think."
At first he wondered if that meant you might figure it out with a little more time. You were sharp, especially when it came to other people; what if one day he did something so inexplicably Eddie that you simply refused to believe he was Steve anymore. Sure, you probably wouldn't be able to guess that he actually was Eddie but...he wouldn't be the Steve you liked anymore.
If he did tell you the truth, would you break up with him? Would you hate him? He'd gotten close many times...but it was just so...ridiculous.
But then Eddie realized that he had been banking on the fact that he was doing all sorts of lovely things with you, had such a deep connection with you--he thought so, at least--and that Steve himself could never live up to it if they switched back.
What if he had you wrong all along? And it wasn't the deep connection that you both built? But just...the fact that he was Steve? You really hadn't had many .boyfriends during school, when you hung around with Mickey's sister. Or any, actually. What if you had a crush on Steve all that time and now...
Eddie felt sick.
Sicker than he was the other night. Sicker than he felt after a bad high. All he wanted was to go back home; not the empty Harrington house, but home. Back to the trailer and his stupid bed and to Wayne, who would give him a stiff hug once he saw Eddie was feeling so down.
But he couldn't.
So he went to the place that felt the next closest to home as he could get right now.
To Benny's.
Benny's had always felt like home to him. When his mom was still alive, waiting tables. She'd pick him up from school and sometimes bring him to work with her. He'd sit at a table in the very, very corner scribbling in his notebook or reading; she'd always scold him to do his homework but Benny would bring him a milkshake and tell Eddie that if he never finished school Eddie didn't need to either.
And to you.
You'd become more home than he ever realized before. Faced with the thought of losing you, he knew he would get over the pain if he absolutely had to. He could move on. But something would always be missing. If none of this had ever happened, the home that you were to him would have stayed cherry pie slices on Tuesday nights and the scribbles in his old notebooks.
But now he knew the taste of your kiss and the weight of your hand in his. He couldn't pretend anymore. He had to know.
Eddie didn't hesitate as he pulled into the gravel parking lot. He was out of the car and headed into the diner as soon as the keys were out of the ignition.
It was almost closing time, so the diner was pretty quiet save for a family finishing up a late supper and Chief Hopper who sat at the counter with a slice of apple pie, chatting with Benny through the serving hatch. You were hunched at a table--the very same table his mom would sit him at--rolling silverware; your eyes darted around the diner every so often to make sure your customers were taken care of, and they immediately sparkled when they landed on him.
The motivation he had to make it into the diner was immediately replaced by those stupid nerves.
"Hey honey," Eddie greeted nervously once you crossed the diner and stood before him. The courage momentarily gone, especially as you made it to the door to greet him. "Uh...table for one?"
"We're about to close," you frowned and glanced over your shoulder. "Uh, but I can ask Benny if--"
"Wait, no," Eddie stopped you before you could go anywhere. "I was just kidding. I really wanted...to see you. I missed you."
"Oh! I missed you too," you grabbed his hand in yours and squeezed. "It looks like you came here straight from work. Everything ok Steve?
His ears started ringing; there it was again.
Steve, Steve, Steve.
The name he had gotten so used to and so sick of. The person he had gotten so sick of being.
"What do you like about me?" he sought suddenly, desperately. "Like...really, why did you agree to go out with me when you could have...dated any other guy?"
Your eyes went wide and you began squirming nervously. He couldn't quite place it but there was something there...something that made him even more nervous.
"Uh, hey Ben, can I take a quick 5?" you asked over your shoulder and Benny poked his head through the window. He narrowed his eyes at "Steve" momentarily but nodded.
"No funny business kid," Benny warned. "She's the best I've got."
You pulled Eddie out the door and to the side of the building, where you took your breaks. Where he had danced with you last week.
"So?" he began impatiently. "Why do you like me?"
"Where is this coming from?" you questioned quickly. "Did...I don't know...did Eddie say something to you?"
"Eddie?" Had you...told him something? Something that would upset "Steve?" What would you tell him? And why hadn't Steve mentioned anything about you talking to him.
Eddie tried to rationalize it. You saw him as a friend, and Steve knew you thought Eddie was a friend. Steve still saw you as his own girlfriend. Maybe you were trying to...Maybe you...Maybe he...
Fuck it was really confusing if he really thought about it. He just needed a straight fucking answer. Otherwise he was gonna go crazy.
"No," Eddie shook his head. He would have to go out on a limb here. "No Eddie didn't say anything but I...I don't know. We've been going out for a little while I guess...even when I first asked you out, I never asked why you said yes. And I just...don't know why you would even want to go out with me."
Your eyes got sad, and took a breath, almost relieved, as your fidgeting stopped.
"I mean, I guess...I've had crushes and stuff before," you began.
Crushes? Oh god, what if you were about to confess you had a crush on Steve. Steve...well he understood, Steve was handsome...not his type...it would hurt but he understood.
"N-no one ever...ever really wanted to ask me out for more than...than a party or something," you chuckled. "I mean they did but...high school right? Everyone kind of sucked. You kinda sucked too Steve.
"And I really wasn't...ok it's funny because I was actually planning to break things off with you." You chuckled and Eddie perked up a little. "You were kind of...self centered, and you...you kept...I don't know. I know you had that breakup with Nancy, so I didn't want to be mean, but you just kept bringing her up!
"But then you...you really surprised me. I told you...you're not...not anything I expected. You don't even seem like you were when you first asked me out. You're...caring and you listen. You're funny, and you like classic horror movies? And then you--"
You went on and on, eyes getting brighter with each word. Eddie felt lighter. Everything you said that you liked about him, well they were all about Eddie. Not Steve.
He was...he was getting in his head for nothing. That's all it was. It was just...nerves and...and...he had nothing to worry about. He could have you, when all was said and done. Hell, he could probably tell you right now once you were finished; tell you the truth about the spell, tell you that he was Eddie, tell you that he...liked you and that you were the thing that kept him going all this time.
You'd probably be...confused. But you knew him. You knew Eddie. It would all make sense in the end. And hopefully, you wouldn't turn him away.
In that moment, however, seeing that pride and confidence take over you as you listed all the reasons you liked him--the way you were so sure of your feelings--made Eddie's own confidence falter. He wasn't an idiot, he knew that telling the truth felt freeing. To you, you were just confessing how much you liked "Steve," and while all of the things you just said made him...so incredibly happy...he couldn't help but wonder...
What if you were angry that he kept this secret from you? What if you...hated him for lying?
Robin said it herself, you deserved to know the truth, before you fell too hard. He should have told you immediately. He shouldn't have acted in his own interest. You were...you deserved so much better.
The doubt you just helped brush away began festering inside of him again.
You deserved to know the truth, but he couldn't hurt you more now. And as much as he wanted you to...to love him, to love Eddie Munson he knew that you would feel too betrayed to ever trust him again if he told you.
"--and it kind of helps that you're really cute too." You finally finished with the brightest, most tender smile he ever saw. "Sorry I guess that's just the long winded way of me saying...I really like you Steve."
And as Eddie ignored the twist in his gut at Steve's name--as he kissed you--he decided that he simply couldn't tell you the truth. Ever.
Eddie felt bad just leaving after he barged into Benny's like that, and to be completely honest, even though the guilt was eating at him he didn't want to leave your side. He convinced you to go out with him for a late night snack and then he followed you home where he gave you another sweet kiss on your front porch.
"You're spoiling me," you giggled as you fiddled with your keys.
"You deserve a lot more than I can give you, Honey," he told you truthfully. "So much better than someone like me."
"Impossible."
It was close to midnight when he pulled into the Harrington's driveway, and Eddie cursed when he noticed the two expensive cars parked beside each other and the lights on in the house.
He hadn't had the misfortune of encountering both of Steve's parents at the same time yet. His dad was usually at work and mom usually just...gone, so the few times he did see them...they were just on their own and he could dodge any questions or conversations.
"Whatever you do, just don't talk to them," Steve had told him. And Eddie had kept up that end of the deal so far. He couldn't be so sure now. He would just have to try his best to get up the stairs and into bed before they noticed their "son" was home.
Eddie turned the key in the lock as quietly as he could, entered the house and closed the door behind him without more than a click. He avoided dropping his keys in the little dish on the table in the hall--
There was chatter coming from the living room, quiet laughter. That was odd. From what Steve made it sound like, his parents always fought.
--but he couldn't avoid running into the table itself. The table wobbled and the other keys in the dish clattered and caused a commotion. The laughter stopped abruptly.
"Steven?" Mary's voice sounded frantic and alarmed.
Shit.
"Yeah mom, it's me." Eddie winced and tried to steady the table.
"I didn't think you'd be home tonight, it's already so late." She was immediately in the hall, eyes darting around, arms crossed over her chest. Her makeup was smeared and hair disheveled. Even her clothes looked in disarray.
Gross. Eddie didn't want to think about the Harringtons fucking on the couch he took a nap on the other day.
"Worked late," Eddie answered dismissively, wanting desperately to get out of this situation. "Just like dad does."
Eddie tried to take a step around her--if they knew he was home, he might as well grab some water or a pop before he went up to bed. Maybe a beer if he had to think of Steve's parents like that. Mary immediately stepped in front of him and blocked his way.
"I was worried," she stated blankly, eyes dead on him now.
"Clearly not, if you thought I wasn't coming home," Eddie snarked, annoyed now that she was making this difficult for him. Here was the bitchy PTA mom Mary Harrington he knew and loved. "I just want to get a snack and go to bed."
"It's late, just go to bed Steven."
"No, I--"
"Now is that really any way to talk to your mother?" a deep voice sounded from behind Mary.
Eddie rolled his eyes, now ready for a fight with Big Papa Harrington--
The thing about the Harringtons was that they looked like something out of a Sears Catalog. Tom was tall with salt-and-pepper hair that coiffed perfectly on his head, bright blue eyes, and a firm, trustworthy voice that always meant business. Mary was a petite brunette with warm hazel eyes, impeccable taste in clothing, and a sweet voice that went shrill when she was upset. And Steve was a good mix of the two; the perfect poster boy for their coveted suburban life.
--only to freeze in surprise when an older man with blond hair stepped out of the living room. His necktie was in his hand, lipstick was smeared across his mouth, and he was shrugging on his suit jacket. The flag pin on his lapel glinted in the hall light, like the unspoken warning in his eyes.
Eddie's mind raced as he tried to make sense of it all.
Steve asked him not to talk to either of his parents very much, to keep their interactions with him short. How he got bitter at even the mention of his parents. The lunches, the calendar, the laundry. The allowance money that she gave him, even though practically everyone knew Steve had been cut off from his dad's wallet. Eddie thought that the allowance money was the secret they were keeping from Tom.
"You can't be mad at me forever, Steve," she had told him the other day.
"It's good to see you again, Steven," he smiled his election-winning smile and put a protective hand on Mary's shoulder. "We were just discussing how the historical society is contributing to the--"
"Larry was just leaving," Mary announced and glared up at Mayor Kline. The Mayor nodded and patted his hand on her shoulder once again before he slunk between them and out the door, Eddie's eyes following him until he was gone.
For all the gruff manner about him, Eddie's uncle Wayne was a bit of a gossip monger. Always had been. He got most of his gossip from the ladies around the trailer park that would offer a cup of coffee in exchange for some handyman repair work that they couldn't do themselves. So Eddie had become quite adept in Hawkins gossip. Rumor around town was that Tom was the one cheating. It was why Mary had the nicest car and the most expensive jewelry. It was why she went on all of his business trips and was treated to lavish weekend getaways.
No one expected that...
"You're cheating on dad," Eddie practically spat at Mary. She heaved a heavy, tired sigh and rolled her eyes a little bit.
"Yes Steven," she agreed. "We've been through this all before. I'm ruining the family, your father is going to be heartbroken, but I don't think I see him here." She waved her arms out and looked around.
"It's past midnight and he's still at the office crunching the numbers," Mary continued. "There are things you just don't understand and you won't until you're grown up and married. But seeing how late you're coming home. Working late. Just like dad.
"So I don't want to hear it from you. I already made you a deal. You got your allowance back. I get to keep my secrets."
She waved her hands dismissively then turned back into the living room, leaving Eddie behind in the hall to process the entire conversation.
He went through the motions as he trudged up the stairs and got ready for bed. As he went to brush his teeth...he stared at his reflection. At Steve's reflection. Stared into tired eyes with purple circles underneath them and a gauntness that hadn't been there earlier.
On top of all the other shit he was feeling...this especially was heavy, and sickening.
Not because Eddie was fond of Mary or Tom or douchebag Mayor Kline.
Not because he was under some illusion that marriages were supposed to be perfect and families were happy.
Not even at his own partial triumph that the perfect Harringtons were truly about as far from perfect as one could get.
But at the realization Steve had to live with the truth that could break up his family.
Steve's visit had you practically floating through the next few days. It was unexpected and so...perfect.
You had gone a few days without seeing him. Not that...you were trying to be clingy or anything. But for the past two weeks he had been consistent in his attention and affection for you...and for it to suddenly stop the day after you tore up your diary and resolved to get over Eddie?
After you told Eddie about your crush in the first place?
It had you in a panic. And, of course, instead of try to communicate and reach out at all, you internalized it and catastrophized.
What if Eddie told Steve? What if Steve hated you now? What if that's why he hadn't called? Or come in with the rest of the guys after their next show?
You thought it all came crashing down when Steve had stopped by and asked you why you went out with him. You thought he was trying to get the truth out of you and for a moment...it felt like the worst thing in the world.
Losing Steve felt like the worst thing that could ever happen to you.
But when he asked again, seeming so lost and insecure. God, it just cut you, because...how could he not see how great he was? Why did he doubt that you liked him?
You relived it after you got home that night. Went over every moment, tried to make sense of it all. Tried to pinpoint anything you had done. And really the only thing you could think of was telling Eddie about your crush.
But...the good definitely outweighed the bad. Your little self-pity and worry over Steve's abandonment of you had vanished and...even now, you were still giggling over him. Over the happiness you felt that you liked him so much, that he liked you back. Liked you enough to worry that you might not like him.
You had to admit that it all felt silly. All of the back-and-forthing, all the doubt. But silliness was good, and it just made the days pass by swiftly. Benny had kept grumbling good-naturedly at your bright smile. He teased you and asked if you needed a quick 5 minute break later and if Steve would be waiting outside for you after close.
Hell, even Lynn's bitterness wouldn't ruin your good mood.
"Alright, Sunshine," she groused at the start of the early dinner rush, just as you came back from your break. "Better hike up that skirt a few inches. Your boyfriend's here, so you gotta look extra cute if you want a good tip. God knows your serving isn't good enough for it."
You felt yourself getting hot from embarrassment; not for Lynn's rude comments but because she said boyfriend, the fact that he was so recognizable now.
God, if Steve was here, Benny would never let you hear the end of it. But how did she know? Steve had work on Wednesdays...
You subconsciously touched your hair and adjusted your uniform before stepping into the dining room. Your eyes swept over the tables, looking for his familiar fluffy head of hair...only to come across another incredibly familiar head.
Your boyfriend. Lynn thought Eddie was your boyfriend.
Eddie's long, curly mane took flight as his head was thrown back, his laughter lost over the din of chattering customers. For a second you assumed he would be there with Jeff or Gareth--hell, he might even be there with Mickey catching up--until you saw the ultra-styled brunette perm that bounced with every motion.
In that moment, you either turned to stone, or you fell into a deep, dark abyss. It was hard to tell. It could have been both. Or neither. But something happened to you and you ceased to exist as you did just seconds before. Benny's little bell in the service hatch sounded flat and distant. The grumpy old man demanding coffee simply melted into the floor. Lynn became a blur in your peripheral vision and phased between tables like a phantom.
And Eddie and Nancy remained in perfect, painful focus.
Nancy Wheeler. Nancy Wheeler. Nancy Wheeler.
The bell in the window dinged twice and Benny shouted something to Lynn, effectively breaking you from your trance. You wiped your now-clammy hands on your apron and quickly approached the table.
"Hey, how's it going today? Can I get you guys something to drink?" You forced a polite smile onto your face and glanced between them.
This was the closest you'd been to Nancy...possibly ever; she was a year younger than you and aside from your interactions with Steve now, you really never had any business hanging near him when you were still at Hawkins High. She was really pretty. Her blue eyes sparkled, her smile was cute, and her voice was sweet and soft as she asked for coffee, please. Some dark part of you that made you hate yourself though that she was everything you weren't, and you couldn't blame it because Eddie was looking at her like she hung the stars.
"Eddie, are you gonna order?" Nancy's eyebrows jumped expectantly. "It's busy, I'm sure she has other people to help."
"Oh he's a regular he gets--" you started to defend him but Eddie cut you off.
"Just ice water." He didn't even look at you. "Thanks honey."
Your throat got tight and you shot them both a tight smile with a quick "be right back."
How did she do it? How was she...how did she get everyone? She had a boyfriend right? Unless they broke up. But still...she had Steve hung up on her for God-knows-how-long, and now Eddie was like a lovesick puppy.
Your mind raced as you retreated back to the kitchen and went through the motions of your job. Lynn was terrible about starting a fresh pot and you were relieved that you'd have an extra minute of respite to think before you did something stupid like spill hot coffee in Eddie's lap.
What were they doing here? Was this a date? You thought...you saw textbooks on the table. Were they just doing homework or...did they have class together? You'd offered a study session with Eddie once. Not a date. And it was in the library and not Benny's. Fuck. Was it a date? Fuck. And he never looked at anyone like that, let alone you.
Your movements were jerky and full of emotion. Coffee grounds spattered as you scooped them into the brewer, you slammed Eddie's water glass onto the counter, and by the time you were halfway bent inside the ice maker, taking out your frustrations on frozen water, Benny had enough.
"You need a different weapon to stab that ice kid?" Benny chuckled. You stood straight and faced him with, what you were sure was, a pathetic expression.
"I'm sorry Ben I--"
"You just came back from break," he stated matter-of-factly and crossed his arms over his chest. "What's got you all worked up already? Someone out there harassing you? Need me to kick 'em out?"
"I mean, unless you wanna fire me," you replied tiredly, knowing you were more frustrated with yourself than with Eddie or Nancy.
"Ah," he nodded sagely. "I got it. Yeah, I go 8 rounds with myself sometimes too. Wanna talk?"
Did you want to talk to your boss about silly boy trouble? Trouble that you were trying to work through yourself? Because you were supposed to be getting over your crush on Eddie. You were with Steve...and you just needed to remind yourself of that.
Every time you walked out there and saw them talking. If their heads got too close as he whispered something to her over their homework. On the off chance you looked outside and saw them kissing in the parking lot after they left.
You thought...distance from Eddie would work. But you were friends with practically the same people and he always came into Benny's.
Maybe the answer wasn't trying to push Eddie away? Maybe it was just to get closer to Steve?
You ignored the roiling in your stomach and sighed. Either way this wasn't something Benny could help you with.
"Thanks Ben," you responded weakly. "But it's just...I think I have to work it out myself."
Before Eddie knew it, it was Friday and time for Hellfire.
It was weird now, having Robin know the truth about him and Steve. She was having a hard time adjusting to calling him Steve, knowing he was Eddie. Despite the fact that she had been calling him Steve the whole time.
"I'm just going to call you both Dingus," she reasoned. "That way there's no chance of messing it up."
She actually...had been pretty handy the past few days, trying to find the way for the two of them to switch back. She had checked out a bunch of books from the Hawkins Public Library and brought them to Family Video for them to scour through, had apparently taken to sitting with the Hellfire Club at lunch to prevent Steve from making a fool of himself--fat chance--and grilled both Steve and Eddie on every aspect of one another's lives that might be relevant to their switch. More importantly, the switch back.
"What is selfless love? Is it supposed to be...you doing a selfless act for one another? Because I saw this one test Steve took for you last week. He got a B! And you know he's purposefully having tutoring sessions for you? Must suck for him; he aced O'Donnell's class last year."
She had even been a listening ear after Eddie had found out about Steve's mom, and didn't know the best way to get around to talking to him about it.
It had to be eating Steve up inside...hell, Eddie didn't even like the Harringtons and he felt guilty for not telling Tom that his wife was ruining their family and hurting their son by bribing him to keep it all a secret.
Fuck. Were...were he and Steve friends now?
Eddie normally would have shivered at the thought but...actually it was kind of wholesome...to think that King Steve would slum it with the freaks.
But the line would be drawn if he ever had to admit that Steve was a nice guy. Even if it was the only thing that he had to do to get back into his own body...yeah wasn't happening. Guess he would be Steve Harrington forever.
He was currently waiting at the side entrance to the High School for Steve and the others to get back from picking up snacks for their session.
He actually managed to piece together a semi-decent looking outfit. The last few gigs at the Hideout and Hellfire meetings, he had shown up in Steve's signature polo-and-jeans look. But after digging in a box labeled "donate" at the back of Steve's closet, Eddie found what he was pretty sure was Steve's halloween costume a few years back.
A black t-shirt and some...dark grey blazer that Eddie spent his lunch break adding safety pins too--more punk rock than metal but it would do. Pop those on with some black jeans that he also zhuzh'd up...aka cut holes in...perfect Hellfire look.
He wouldn't stick out like a sore thumb at least. Maybe he could ask Steve to bring him an extra shirt next week.
Eddie's van swerved into the parking lot and as soon as it stopped, the back doors swung open and Gareth jumped out with a whoop.
"Harrington, are you ready for carnage tonight?" he shouted at "Steve" and hauled a case of Mountain Dew over his head. The rest of the Hellfire club filtered out and greeted Eddie before helping unload their purchases.
Steve finally joined them and clapped Eddie on the back.
"Glad you could make it, Harrington," Steve winked and looked down at Eddie's clothes. "Slumming it again? What are you wearing?"
"I don't know, Munson," Eddie ran his hands down the front of the blazer. "Just something from the back of the closet."
"The safety pins are pretty cool," Dustin commented with a wink as he and Mike headed in.
Once the guys were inside, Steve hissed in Eddie's ear.
"What did you do to my jacket?"
"Dude you need to stop trusting your mom to buy your clothes," Eddie laughed. "I'm gonna go cross-eyed with all of the stripes."
"You're one to talk," Steve rolled his eyes. "It's a wonder your knees aren't permanently frostbitten. All of your jeans have rips in them."
Eddie shook his head. Asshole.
"Heard you're getting help in O'Donnells," Eddie remarked.
"News travels pretty fast," Steve kicked his feet, spraying the guys with gravel. "Which of you idiots blabbed. Gare?"
"Yeah he's been making kissy faces," Dave coughed and cleared his throat. "I mean...yeah he's been getting special tutoring sessions."
Kissy faces?
"From Nancy Wheeler!"
Wheeler?
"Mike doesn't know his ass from his elbow but even he knows you're crushing on his sister," Gareth teased, earning a high five from the others.
"Lay off," Steve preened in front of the others. "We've only had two study dates."
"Two days in a row!" Jeff protested. "That's your girlfriend."
"She's not my girlfriend...yet."
Eddie felt dizzy; what was even happening. Steve was...Steve was dating you, why the hell was he talking about Nancy like...like he was gonna ask her out. Why was he trying to get him to date Nancy?
He grabbed Steve's arm as the other guys headed in.
"Are you...kidding me Harrington?" Eddie hissed. "I don't need a girlfriend, I just need to be back in my body. Jesus H. Christ."
"You don't...listen Eddie, you don't understand," Steve sighed.
"I think I do, you're obsessed with Nancy and you know she isn't gonna get back with you as yourself so you're trying to get her back as me." Eddie punctuated his words by jamming his finger into Steve's chest.
"She likes bad boys," Steve explained with a shrug. Eddie scoffed.
"Jonathan Byers isn't a bad boy. I'm not a bad boy. You're gonna make me look like an even bigger laughing stock than I already am."
"Well it's a good thing that I'm still you then, you get to enjoy life on top," Steve held out his arms. "It's a win-win. I get Nancy, you get not to be an absolute loser."
"Well what about your girlfriend?" Eddie asked. "You asked me to keep her warm. She's a good one. Don't scare her away."
"You can break up with her if that's your problem," Steve said dismissively. Eddie let out a noise of disbelief. "What? Isn't that it? You're tired of going on lame dates? Listen, we're no closer to switching back than we have been. Why can't you just...accept the inevitable."
"So you just...give up?" Eddie asked. "Because...I dunno, it just sounded like you want to be stuck as me for the rest of time as long as you can be delusional about Nancy."
Eddie realized that he was being thebiggest hypocrite right now.
He just didn't care.
Every day he made himself sick with worry that you were going to find out and hate him. Guilted himself over the fact that he had to lie and deceive you. Every day simply got harder, and as much as he reveled in your affections...he knew it wasn't right.
Eddie had gotten them both into this mess because he couldn't build up the courage to own up to his feelings for you...and now Steve was doing the same thing. Who's to say that if Steve--if "Eddie"--had a chance with Nancy, they might never be able to undo this spell at all.
"I'm not giving up, I'm just..." Steve ran a hand over his face. "Wouldn't it be easier this way?"
There was a second of silence as Eddie connected the dots.
Maybe he wasn't the only one to blame here either. They were both jealous of each other. Eddie jealous because Steve was dating you. But Steve was jealous...because Eddie lived a supposed carefree life. Right? Wasn't that what Steve had said? And...and did Eddie not just find out how un-carefree Steve's life was?
"I get it now," Eddie muttered. "It isn't...it isn't just about Nancy. It's all of it."
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"If you're me...then you don't need to worry about keeping mommy and daddy's marriage happy," Eddie explained. "You don't need to...work with Keith. You don't have to worry about living up to expectations when there are none."
"You talked to my mom?" Steve narrowed his eyes, his tone full of betrayal. "What the hell man?"
"I didn't but thanks for the warning man," Eddie scoffed. "Walked in on her and the mayor practically hanging off one another. Ah look at you, see? You look sick to your stomach. Don't worry, I didn't tell anyone. But I bet it's felt good the last few weeks, not having to think about whether or not your dad is gonna find out. That your perfect life is gonna be ruined."
"My life isn't perfect!" Steve exclaimed.
"Neither is mine! If you didn't notice, it's as far from perfect as you can get. Maybe you've just been oblivious to it so far. A few weeks is nothing compared to 20 years man.
"What's gonna happen when the state pen calls on my birthday because dear old dad wants to chat. Or..or when you go to Rick's house to restock your supply and he's having a really bad day. You know how many times I've talked him out of just...ending it? It used to be easier when my mom was around but...guess what Steve? She's dead too.
"My life isn't easy," Eddie concluded. "Isn't perfect. So don't act like everything's easier just cuz you want to get in Nancy Wheeler's pants."
"You don't fucking know what you're talking about," Steve rumbled. "Nancy...shit she's the only person who I've ever loved. Who has ever loved me. Maybe my parents did a long time ago when I was still young enough to be my dad's little buddy and my mom's dress up doll. But not anymore. But Nancy? Nancy got me. She understood me like no one else did."
"What about your friends? What about Robin?"
"What other friends do I have besides Robin?" Steve asked. "They're all gone. They left. Even before graduation."
"And that's what you want now? You want Nancy and my friends too? To help fill your lonely little life?"
"My life is lonely? Please. You're playing a make believe game and wannabe rockstar twice a week with a bunch of kids. All your real friends left you behind too. And I might not know what my future holds but at least I have a future Munson," Steve huffed. "If this spell bullshit hadn't have happened, it isn't hard to guess where you would end up. Still living in that trailer park 20 years from now, fixing toilets, and fucking your fist because who would ever wanna be with someone like you? Who could ever love yo--"
Steve couldn't finish that sentence because Eddie's fist was rocketing into his face. The force of the punch made him fall to the ground.
Eddie felt empowered, filled with righteous anger and self hatred.
There was nothing worse than being faced with the hopelessness of his life, the pointlessness of his future...until those facts came from his own mouth.
"You're on your own Harrington," Eddie shouted as he turned on his heel and walked back to the BMW, not stopping for a second to look back, even as Steve called after him. "You wanna fix my life? You wanna be Eddie Munson? Be Eddie Munson. You don't need my help. Good fucking luck."
“Well here we are, Honey,” Steve announced as he pulled up to the curb in front of your house. “End of the Line. Home Sweet Home.”
It was the perfect date. Again.
Let the record show that Steve was the best at planning dates.
Honestly sometimes...it just seemed too good to be true.
There had been the night when he stopped by Benny's right before closing, and you had that chat outside. Even though you had an early class the next morning, he lured you out to the line of fast food places near the highway on an impromptu date and created ungodly mash ups with different sandwiches.
Or Thursday, he asked if you wanted to have a movie night and you suggested your place since Starcourt was always so packed. He had brought a ton of treats and extra supplies to build a blanket fort in your living room. He stole a few kisses when your hands met in the popcorn bowl. And you had gotten caught making out in the fort by your mom.
Then today--a Saturday of all days--he'd surprised you.
You’d walked outside, running late for your shift, only to find him parked at the curb, leaning against his car with a huge grin on his face. Told you that he had begged Benny to give you the day off to take you for a surprise.
"I have the day off from Family Video," he explained. "Figured I could use a little day out. Thought I could convince you to tag along."
As if a Saturday off wasn't surprising enough in and of itself.
It was honestly like something out of a John Hughes movie.
He had driven you into Indianapolis to go to some outdoor flea market. Played whatever music you wanted on the drive there and back. Got you all the roasted pecans and sweet confections from the vendors at the edge of the market had to offer. Made you fall for him more and more as he talked shop, laughed, and bartered for vintage records and cool sunglasses and a handful of pinback buttons.
"'Get Stoned?'" You laughed and picked out one rather large button.
"Like the Rolling Stones."
"I get it," you laughed. "Just didn't think you were into them enough to get a button."
"Oh...they're the Stones," Steve shrugged. "But, uh, figured...Eddie might be into it."
You really tried not to wince at the mention of Eddie’s name. You smiled and nodded but it just had you thinking back to Eddie and Nancy at Benny's. You knew you had to stop thinking about it...especially in comparison with Steve, and it was getting increasingly more difficult when Steve was the one who brought him up in the first place. Hell, when you stopped at a little drive-in outside of Marion for dinner, Steve even ordered, what you recognized as, Eddie's usual from Benny's.
It honestly threw you for a loop and made you feel a little crazy.
Just weeks ago you would have thought…well you wouldn’t have considered them similar at all.
And now…
Now you weren’t so sure.
You had spilled your heart out to Steve the other night, told him all the things that you liked about him. And it wasn't until you got home from work after seeing Eddie and Nancy together that you realized...a lot of the things you liked about Steve were also things you liked about Eddie.
Sure, Eddie and Steve were hanging out more after all, so they had to have something in common. Maybe hanging around each other brought out the best in one another. The glimpse of Steve you got after that third date…that genuine sweetness…was now only amplified by Eddie’s genuine personality.
Then you had Eddie…his seemingly endless confidence was more of a defense mechanism. Behind closed doors or with your heads leant together over homework he was more vulnerable. Sweeter. But now the confidence had almost made way for cockiness and indifference...which you really had never associated with Eddie before.
So the way he smile and looked at Nancy, the softness he freely gave--
The way you always wanted him to look and smile at you. The way that still devastated you not to be on the receiving end of.
—you rarely saw him show that soft side of himself so freely.
Even if Nancy had a boyfriend…well, it was a hurtful sight to witness and you truly hoped Eddie wouldn’t be hurt if she turned him down.
Huh. Eddie pining after Nancy and Steve being…just a sweetheart. A sweetheart you were falling for. It’s almost like they traded places or something.
You pondered the thought for a second and couldn’t help but laugh at how silly it all was.
“What’s got you laughing?” Steve’s voice broke through your fantastical thoughts and you shook your head.
“Nothing,” you dismissed. “I’m just…just happy.”
Steve smiled that million dollar smile of his--bright and sparkling--and tucked his head into his shoulder a little before glancing back at you.
“Really?” He questioned.
“Yeah.”
“Cuz you had a good time?”
“Well yeah, I always have a good time with you.” You shuffled in your seat a little, tugged at the seatbelt and scuffed your feet against the floor mat. “You, uh...you wanna come in?"
"Uh, is your mom home?" He chuckled nervously. "I don't want a repeat of last time."
No. That was mortifying.
"She's actually out with some coworkers. They got some big contract. Some international account blah," you waved your hand dismissively. "Kinda boring but she doesn't get to go out too much. I dunno.
"But uh...if you did want to come in...we could avoid a play by play. If you catch my drift?" You raised your eyebrows seductively and you thought you made the right reference--he was a sports guy after all. But he just looked like a deer in the headlights.
That was just the natural progression of dating right?
You kiss a little or a lot...and then you make out on your couch...and then...so why did he look shocked. You didn't wanna push him...but he was also Steve Harrington. You honestly thought he would have made a move by now.
Some wicked voice in the back of your head piped up.
Maybe the problem wasn't Steve; maybe you were the problem...
"It's ok if you don't want to," you backtracked, suddenly self-conscious. "Because I know you...you probably work tomorrow or something."
"No!" he shouted, the volume of it a little shocking thanks to the close proximity in the car. "Yes that's...no I...we can go in."
You held back a sigh of relief and smiled shakily.
The walk inside was unremarkable, but every second that passed was filled with more anticipation than the one before. Steve teased you for fumbling with your keys, enough that you dropped them, and he gave your butt a little pat. You grabbed him around the middle and waddled him back from your mother's steam-cleaned carpets so he could kick off his shoes, all the while running your hands over his toned chest. You asked him if he wanted something to drink, like a good hostess would, and he simply quirked a brow and said there was only one thing that could quench his thirst.
But before long it was all just a vague blur because he pushed you up against the wall in the front room and eagerly fused his lips to yours.
Steve was always a little noisy, always humming, but his noises became needier the longer you went. His hands gripped your waist and he thumbed the softness there consistently, as though he needed to prove to himself that you were truly safe within his grasp.
He swallowed the giggles that softly escaped you when his fingers found just the right spot.
"Ticklish?" he broke away and pulled just far enough back to grin through those kiss-swollen lips. You whined impatiently in response. "I think I found my lady's weakness...it's ok. Your secret is safe with me."
A voice echoed in your head, soft and sweet. My lady. Gravelly with sleep in the morning before class, accompanied by a bow, as you passed by Hellfire Club on the way to homeroom
No, no, no. Not again. You were here with Steve. Steve. Not Eddie.
"Mmmh, and what about you?" you muttered petulantly, pushing the thought away. He surged forward for another peck but you kept your hand firm on his chest to hold him back. "Isn't it fair I learn your weakness too?"
"I've gotta have some secrets don't I?" He pulled one of your hands away and pressed feather light kisses to each of your fingers, then the back of your hand.
An image was summoned in your mind's eye, the feeling of lips on your hand as you practiced some sort of Shakespearean reenactment for English class.
Eddie needed to get out of your head. Out of your heart.
You batted Steve's hand away, grabbed his face and mashed your lips to his urgently.
There was a build of anticipation; it was frenzied but it didn't feel rushed. Now that you two had a moment alone--truly alone to explore one another without a nosy neighbor or a potentially wandering police officer or a well-intended parent--it was clear that you both wanted this and wanted to savor every minute of it. Memorize every dip, every curve, every plane. Paint the taste of one another on the canvas of each other's tongues.
He tasted like...
Cherry Pie and Cigarettes and Juicy Fruit Gum.
But he didn't chew Juicy fruit. But he did. But he didn't. Steve didn't. Eddie did.
Steve chewed Big Red. He told you so on your first date when you asked for a stick after the bitter taste of coffee lingered in your mouth.
"I only chew Big Red, is that ok?"
But he had chewed gum in the car after you left the diner. He had his pie, he smoked really quick--a habit you vaguely remembered him saying he was quitting--and he had offered you a piece of Juicy Fruit as he turned the key in the ignition.
You compared Eddie and Steve in the car before, chalked it up to them being friends. But now here he was again and it was driving you crazy. You just wanted to fall for Steve in peace. And you were, you really were, but you were also getting sick of Eddie popping up at the most inopportune times.
You pushed Steve away from you and panted heavily.
"You wanna go to my room?" you asked abruptly. Your eyebrows shot upwards expectantly as Steve stared at you with big, dumb eyes and a shocked expression.
"Yes," he nodded eagerly. "Uh, yeah...yes."
Eddie didn’t know how to feel being in your room.
On the one hand…he doubted whether he should really be here. This was everything he had just condemned Steve for. On the other…it really had been the perfect day with you. You quieted the doubt in his mind. All of Steve’s cutting words about…being alone and never knowing love…they didn’t matter when you held his hand and looked him in the eyes and kissed him.
All of the sweet things you said to him the other night flooded his mind and made him feel like he was underwater. Submerged in your love.
If he closed his eyes and imagined the world was perfect, it did feel like love. He could convince himself that you loved him too.
The minute your bedroom door was closed behind him, you had grabbed Eddie and pushed him onto your bed. The plush comforter cushioned his fall and your pillows had all bounced around him and he chuckled.
He craned his neck to get a look around your room—white walls decorated with some posters and cutouts from magazines here and there, a small desk, a bookshelf that was so full it was more book than shelf. He’d learned so much about you the past few weeks, more than he had over the past few years of knowing you, but this…aside from the fact that you had crawled onto his lap and we’re nipping at his neck…this was the most intimate he would ever get to know you. Not your body. But your soul, your mind, your light.
If this was his last glimpse of you he ever got in his life, he would die happily. He didn’t need to pretend things were perfect to acknowledge that he was in love with you. It was a fact of his existence at this point. And he needed to show you.
“H-honey?” He asked softly. “Stop.”
“You don’t like this?” You laved at the point where his jaw met his neck before sucking a bruising kiss there. His nerves were alight at the sensation and blood rushed south.
“Where did you learn to do that? Hmm?” He asked teasingly as his hand gripped your waist. You pulled back and grinned like the cat that got the cream. “Oh? You’ve got secrets? Well I’ve got a secret too.”
Something akin to worry flashed behind your eyes and he reached up to caress the side of your face.
“Don’t worry,” he reassured. “It’s not bad. Let me show you.”
Eddie pulled your mouth back to his and you fell into him, obviously enjoying the soft attentions of his kiss. From there he eased you onto your back, happy to hover over you and press his body into yours. He grinned as you made a needy little noise.
More? He could give you more; he was planning on it. More importantly, you were eager to have him take.
You were soft and pliant against him, malleable, as his mouth traveled from yours, down your neck, and further down still. His hands antecedent of his descent, they prepared you for what was to come, gave you every opportunity to push him away, though you never would. He grasped your wrists and pressed them to the soft mattress above your head, rucked up your shirt so he could attend to your breasts.
Fingers deftly peeled away the cups of your bra and as he suckled and venerated, he found that the little strumming motion he liked to do when he played with himself was also one that made you whine deliciously; calloused pads oscillating over supple fullness and hardened peaks.
Eddie abandoned his paltry devotions to continue onwards. He knelt back and quickly began removing your skirt and underwear, cute little things that would serve no purpose if you were to let him proceed.
“Is this ok Honey? You can tell me to stop,” he assured you. You bit your lip and your bliss-filled face became bashful, but you shook your head anyway. “No? You want me to stop?”
“Don’t stop,” you replied breathily. “Please.”
“I won’t. I’ll give you whatever you want. I promise.”
He ushered you to scoot further up the bed so your head could be cradled by the plush pillows. He couldn’t resist dropping another kiss or two to your lips, to sooth the sting that your teeth were inflicting. Your little needy noises were cute, but you were holding back and he simply couldn’t let that happen.
“I want to hear you,” he muttered, running his thumb over your lips. “It’s just us. No one will hear. I need to know if I’m doing something you don’t like. Or something you really like. Then I know to do it again next time.”
“Next time?”
“Yeah…this isn’t some quick romp at a party or outside a concert, sweetheart. I want to make you feel good again.” He pressed a kiss to your lips for emphasis. “And again.” Another kiss to your breast. “And again.” One last kiss against your stomach before he settled himself in the cradle of your thighs, hissing the slightest bit as his hips came in contact with your mattress.
He was throbbing, aching for his own pleasure, eager for a release that he’d been ignoring and denying himself. He shifted and found a little friction, the mattress and his jeans doing just enough to sate him while he took care of another hunger.
Never let it be said that Eddie hadn’t met a pussy that he didn’t think was pretty but you—open for him and wanting--were gorgeous. Tempting. Eddie clicked his tongue as he finally got a good look at you, fluttering with want, dripping with ambrosia.
“Why didn’t you tell me you wanted more?” He admonished with a smirk, looking up at you with hooded eyes as he settled your leg over his shoulder, nestling in for an extended, more comfortable time. “I wouldn’t have made you wait so long.”
“I didn’t…I…” Your excuse was cut off by your combined moans as he latched onto you, immediately finding the swollen button at the top of your sex. He laved back and forth, teasing you until you whined. The taste of you, the smell of you—the earthy sweetness that bloomed on his tongue and settled at the base of his throat—caused his hips to jerk against the bed and he pulled back a little, eager but ready to let you feel good for as long as he could. He rotated his attention between your clit and your lips and your neglected little hole, kissed and nuzzled and lapped up whatever slick you gifted him.
Eddie moved his hand from where it was caressing your thigh so he could ramp up the fun. You jumped as he caressed your lips, played with the spit and slick.
“Do you touch yourself honey?” You covered your face. “Didn’t I just tell you that I wanted to hear you? So tell me, do you touch yourself?”
“Yes,” you threw your hands down and grasped the plush comforter.
“Do you think of me?” You nodded. “I can’t hear you. Do you?”
“Yes.”
“Do you want me to touch you? Do you want more?” He blew a soft breath across your thigh and you shivered.
“P-please, more.”
Eddie slid his fingers over you, watched as you shuddered and twitched, basked in your wanton little noises. With his other hand, he shifted slightly and undid his belt and the fly of his jeans, pushing them down just so, so he could rock against the bed, seeking more physical relief. He dove back in with kisses and licks and nips, getting adventurous as he slid a finger into you. You stiffened up for just a moment before he took you to higher heights.
"Uuhnnnhhh, yes," you moaned breathily. Beautifully. "Right there. Yes!"
The tightness was luxurious and his head spun, imagining what the rest of the night might bring. He could feel you panting, getting closer and closer to your peak. He would get you there. Gladly. Again and again. Over and over until you couldn’t take any more.
“Please!”
“What do you want, honey?”
“Please I’ve—“
“You wanna cum sweetheart.” He grinned against you. “I’ll get you there but you have to beg. Come on.”
"P-please S-Steve!"
Eddie froze.
His ears started ringing. His entire body was numb. He couldn’t…couldn’t breathe. It all came flooding back, the realization, the hatred, the resentment. The want to be with you and the fact that he couldn't.
"W-what's wrong?!" you stammered and pushed yourself onto your elbows to get a better view of him. "What happened?"
Eddie couldn't answer. He could barely look at you.
He pushed your leg off his shoulder, and as he did he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror beside the bed—
The freckled skin, the fluffy hair, the rumpled polo, the hazel eyes staring back at him smugly.
--he couldn't even look at himself.
“Please, talk to me. What happened? Did I do something wrong?"
"I just...I..." he choked at the sound of his voice. But not his voice.
He shook his head and pushed himself off the bed. He ran a hand over his face and ignored the questions that came out of you. He quickly yanked up his jeans and barely fastened them. He ignored the belt.
He quickly turned on his heel and ran out of your room. He jammed his feet into his shoes and fumbled with the jacket he had hung on the coat hook by the door to get his keys.
Not his keys.
Steve’s keys. Steve’s car, Steve’s body, Steve’s life, Steve’s love.
Not his.
He let the jacket fall to the floor, abandoned, as he quickly made his escape.
All the while you called and ran after him.
"Steve?! Wait! Steve!!"
Tag List is currently suspended.
Freaky Friday Chapter 5 will be uploaded by Sunday, May 21st at 7pm CST.
#freaky friday au#Eddie Munson x reader#Steve Harrington x reader#Eddie Munson angst#Eddie Munson smut#Steve Harrington angst#Eddie Munson fluff#Steve Harrington fluff#stranger things fic#eddie munson headcanons
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status update (?)
it's 2024, my real life is a bit of a mess (pending job change & cross country move), and i need a plan. i keep getting this urge to streamline, instead of bouncing around between fics like a goldfish with no attention span, so i'm going to lean into that and hope to god we get some results.
this is in terms of actively writing and posting. guaranteed i will still be daydreaming and plotting for all fics, but i still want to share some expectations with you all so we are on the same page and so i can hold my self accountable to my own imaginary deadlines.
at this point in time, i am going to post and complete SPRING FEVER first. it is the easiest and quickest to finish (pun intended) by far. and the only reason i haven't done it, is because i'm convinced the majority of you want other updates first. but i need to get it out of my head and off my plate.
after spring fever is completed... give me a few weeks? then THE PATH FROM YOU takes the drivers' seat. we are so close to the climax and conclusion, that it *should* go pretty quick and fast-paced from here. I don't have a timeline for completion but my goal is to post one chapter a month once we get to that point.
here is where i'm going to disappoint some of you. ALREADY GONE is going on hiatus. at least until the path from you is finished. this fic started as a side project, a distraction (read: shitpost), and now I have to rethink some things and potentially even dedicate myself to some mild rewrites. there is just a lot I want to do with it now, that i didn't in the beginning, and i want to be able to dedicate my full headspace to it. because the emotions and conclusion could be so good, but only if i give it time.
for hannah 2.0 and val: MEMORIES FEEL LIKE WEAPONS will get it's day in the sun. i've been taking notes on it for over a year, and i definitely need to work through it and finish it before i even attempt a tpfy sequel. there is so much i want to showcase in this fic outside of ginny's journey, but like with already gone, i need the time and headspace to do it. i will also, almost definitely, rewrite and repost chapter 2 at some point. i have more groundwork i need to lay with a certain slytherin. but that's a discussion for another day.
if this is in anyway a let down for you, i'm sorry. but this is the only way i can stay sane during a total life upheaval. thanks for sticking around if you've read this far and still like me. as always, i will post an changes or updates as soon as i figure them out.
love you all,
hannah <3
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Poison into Positivity - Why we should have revisited The Talent Show.
Prefacing this, that as a Izzy lover, I loved the Calypso’s birthday episode. Perfect. No notes. Except that maybe it should have been longer
But boy did Ed get done dirty in that episode (and Stede but I am making my peace with this is just who Stede is. Being a better person was never his character’s motivation).
Perhaps nothing has bothered me about the whole of Ed’s arc as the poison to positivity comment because, Girl! Where? What exactly did you do to earn that? Ed threw some money at the problem and sat back which made sense in a sad way because it is a very Stede way of doing things. At least Season 1 Stede ( but again we are not talking about Stede here). And Ed was following his cues. This is Youtuber apology the sequel.
But in contrast, imagine if we had gotten The Talent Show- Take 2
A repeated problem that many posts have talked about in this season is that it was unwilling to face the trauma that it set up and look it in the eye and deal with it. So much of the show had become “shit happens move on”.
But revisiting the idea of The Talent Show for Calypso’s Birthday party would have been amazing imo and here is why…
The Chekhov's gun was already set up with Lucius mentioning it in the previous episode
This season had been spoonfeeding us Season 1 flashbacks and references and this would have fit in perfectly with the pattern.
Ed’s side of it was as set up with him not remembering the show at all. We have been told repeatedly that Ed rewrites his memories/forgets things that are uncomfortable to him.
Repraising the talent show would have worked as a shorthand for Ed actually confronting his past and would have been an opportunity to genuinely make himself vulnerable in contrast to the youtuber apology.
It would have reminded the crew that this was still the man who they cared for at one point, who just did some fucked up shit because he was hurting.
It would have shown the audience that the crew was able to look at a painful past experience and rewrite those memories with a better version if it- a stand-in for them moving past the trauma of the Kraken era and being willing to rewrite those memories with this new Ed.
Izzy could have joined Ed’s song putting it in contrast with Izzy’s anger and confusion of Season 1.
Ed is singing some old song. He hears the uneven stomp of the peg leg behind him and stops. Cue bad memories.
Izzy’s voice takes up the song. He turns back to look at Izzy and he is revealed to us, in all his Drag glory, looking equally nervous until they both give a tentative smile and continue with the song.
Ed turns to Stede pulling him into a dance. Izzy turns to Calypso kissing her hand. They are singing the same song but the have their own people to dance with now.
a) This would have given us a peek into their joint past, a happier time and laid a foundation to the relationship they are hinting at in the death scene with Ed’s “You are my only family” because we haven’t actually seen that relationship between them in either of the seasons.
b) It would have given us a transition between the earlier drunk Izzy-avoidant Ed scene and the absolute tonal whiplash of the next day morning after scene by having an on screen truce/resolution.
c) It would have shows them as two people on diverse paths who are even now still tied by their past. They too are trying to rewrite what that past should mean now with hopefully better associations.
This means we lose La vie en Rose the, I’d make that sacrifice for some actual character growth. (We could still have had that performance over the end titles/longer post credit maybe?)
8. This would actually fit in with the message of turning poison into positivity for both Ed and the crew and Ed and Izzy. It would also have had Ed make an emotional investment in that transition and not a monetary one so he has actually earned that comment.
9. It would have made Ned’s interruption much more painful because Ed is trying to make amends for something he did here and another consequence of his actions have come crashing in.
Cue Stede killing Ned but now it doubles down on the “You don’t have to do this alone. I’m here beside you helping you (however badly) too” message.
Overall…
The larger events of the episode don’t change.
Just a few dialogues here and there and maybe trim the Ed giving money to the kids scene (Because what? Why? I dont care u gave them a knife. Those kids are getting murdered within a couple of days. Good job Ed!).
So little changes. And yet there was so much potential for shifting the tone and not putting all their eggs into the one basket that they were planning to smash with a hammer.
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Hey Lola! I love your posts and content! I gotta ask this: What has your Poly Journey looked like for you, and is there anything that I should be mindful of within my own journey?
Salutations Anon! And thank you for the kind words.
Wow, what a fantastic question! It has been quite the journey filled with much love, some heartache, an abundance of patience and growth, and real hard work in self-awareness and compassion...along with more than a smattering of fun, fuckery, and so.much.travel.
My journey began with a quiet aching within my heart and unsettledness within my gut. I think I've always known that I was polyamorous and bisexual, but I've not always had the vocabulary to express that. I am a being with an extraordinary capacity to love, and although I had so much love within my marriage (and still share with my ex), my heart was calling for more. There came a time where I felt that if I didn't make a change, the real person I was inside was going to be gone forever. The part that makes me Lola. I believe that I was put on this Earth to love, to share my body, and to share my heart and empathy in order to help others learn how to heal and love themselves.
The first step was to learn how to communicate honestly, even if it meant hurting someone I loved. I read books and blogs about how to be an active communicator instead of a passive one. And then I practiced. I surrounded myself with wonderful friends who listened, pushed me to speak my truth, and helped me figure out just what is was that I felt I was missing, I was being called to pursue, and they supported me, every step of the way, in who I was becoming.
Then I had to learn how to ask for what I want. This is a lesson that I continue to relay to all of my friends and partners. I have learned how to compassionately, but confidently and with kindness, ask specifically for what I want. One way that I continue to do this is by being very upfront about who I am and what kind of life/relationships I want with any potential play partner/kinky friend/partner...the people that I want to be my whole, true, unedited self with.
I also had to do the hard thing. After months and months of therapy, couple's therapy, open, honest conversations, time spent alone and together, trials of compromise and an open relationship to a degree - I had to say that I wanted to separate. I was married for almost 15 years at this point. That was one of the hardest days of my life. But I felt caged, frail, like the color was being completely drained from me. They say that it takes a good 2 years after a separation/dissolution/divorce to get your life back to something normal again. I have not quite made it to that mark yet...but I believe that's true. My ex and I chose to rewrite a new chapter for our relationship, to write our own book, to remain friends and in each other's lives...and wow, has that been hard. But I am so fucking grateful and happy that we've done that work. And we are in a wholly different, beautiful place.
Now for the fun, but also tricky part...I began forming new relationships. I think I've always known that I would be someone who would want and thrive with a Primary partner. I was lucky, my Primary partner, RY, was a friend first, and grew very organically and beautifully into more than that. We both made a promise to each other very early on that we would keep checking in and evaluating the health of ourselves, our processes of getting over a breakup, and the state and wellbeing of our relationship as it blossomed and grew into what it is today. As long as we were both still growing individually and encouraging each other into happy and healthy people, then we would continue growing our relationship. We communicate openly and honestly about everything, we have been patient in allowing one another the space to mourn the loss of our marriages with empathy, and we have taken our time to rebuild ourselves, bringing our best selves to each other. It worked out that he also was looking to explore polyamory. We're both still new at this, but we talk about and work through every growing pain along the way.
Then along came my other partner. She and I had a connection right away. Our close friendship naturally grew into something more. She and my primary partner were also friends, and honestly, I think that really helps. It is just amazing to see the two of them talk and laugh and genuinely enjoy being around each other, and they both reach out to one another in their love for me. I was always clear about who RY was to me and what our relationship was, and so that helped lay the foundation for my second relationship. I check in a lot with her to make sure that she feels loved, seen, and heard, and that we have enough time in person together. It's fantastic that we can be things and do things with one another that just simply don't fit into our other relationships.
I have learned what my boundaries are (and the fact that I actually need boundaries) within myself to ensure that I remain intact and wholly my own, as well as a giving, loving, deeply connected partner. It was important for me to live by myself right now, not something I've ever done before. I made this choice for the past year because I know my codependent tendencies and I wanted to break out of that mold. I still struggle sometimes with not giving all of my energy to those I love. I must save some for myself and I have found ways to replenish that energy. Time and energy; I'm still learning how to balance these within a polyamorous life.
I continue to work on approaching every conversation with empathy and an open mind and heart. I continue to keep searching within myself and bring that self-awareness to my relationships. I continue to push myself to see a different way and live a different way. I continue to surround myself with open-minded people that see me, know me, support me, and love me in this new life I'm creating. I continue to take time to be by myself and breathe. I continue to search out new opportunities that challenge me and fulfill me. I continue to be a student of life. And I continue to lean into love.
I love you @resonantyes and @hbananer - thank you for this life.
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I want you all to know. I am working on the next chapter of Bring Me Home: Silver and Gold. It is coming along nicely!
But it is slow because I'm reworking more than I originally planned on. Just finished the rewrite of the night of the invasion.
Original word count? 1649. New Word count? 3876.
During the rewrite, I managed to exclude one of my favorite moments. I adjusted to get it back in there.
I don't think the next section will need as much of a rewrite, so it should go quicker. And then I'll spend a few hours doing line edits. So 2-3 days? I hope? (I do work tomorrow, so I doubt I'll get any writing done.)
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Hi! I made this account just so I could interact with you like this and tell you that your writing got me back out of a reading slump! Should you ever choose to author and publish a book please let me know, I will be the first to pick it up at the nearest bookstore available. I'm very excited to see where you take us in the fifth installment of your rewrite for this series! And quick question, which Hogwarts house do you align yourself with? ∼ Cheers and much love from an anonymous Hufflepuff
You're so incredibly sweet, thank you for warming my heart on a very cold day. Hearing someone say 'I would pay for your work' is kind of the highest compliment a fanfic author can receive. In the meantime, it's my honor to give you something that you can enjoy for free!
I waffle on the House question, since my view on Sorting is very contextual and volitional. Like, Sorting happens when you're eleven, right after you're boated up to the castle in this big stinking display of magical grandeur that's probably shit-slapping levels of scary, and then you get stood up in front of every peer you have and asked to decide what you want your place in that universe to be. That makes for some panicky, spur-of-the-moment decision-making! No wonder a lot of pureblood kids default to the House their parents picked! No wonder Harry ends up Gryffindor basically by default after blurting "not Slytherin" (which is the Hat's first suggestion — remember that the first two things Harry wants to do when he finds out he's a wizard are (1) jinx Dudley (avenge himself) and (2) buy a pure golden cauldron (status symbol). Canon!FirstYear!Harry is like, probably a Slytherin by temperament, being a neglected eleven-year-old child who's almost violently desperate for safety and approval and love, but that's okay, because being in Gryffindor turns him into one. Ron Weasley, in particular, turns him into one, but that's too much for me to get into right now.) Obviously, this all informs a lot of how I write character and socialization in Lionheart. House isn't destiny, it's culture! I could go on.
So like, if you sorted me right now? Gryffindor. Because I think bravery is the most important value in my life, it's what reminds me to be kind and patient and thoughtful, because it takes bravery to do those things in a world that is, frankly, much easier to navigate if you shut yourself off to others' feelings and ideas. But it's also a much worse world. That doesn't mean I'm not ambitious or curious or loyal, it just means that bravery is the value I consciously try to practice. But if you Sorted me at eleven, I'd probably get Slytherin, because I was — without doing The Backstory of it all — not the most jazzed-to-be-alive child, and I really, badly, desperately wanted to GTFO of my hometown and like — I dunno, succeed so hard it retroactively justified every time I was ever lonely? Somehow?? Details of that plan were always a bit unclear. But general "I am going to get a good grade in Life, something that is reasonable to want and possible to achieve" type vibes. Horrendous. Point being, I'd have likely asked for the House I identified with at eleven — Slytherin — because I considered "ambition" the most important virtue of my (again: eleven-year-old) life so far. (This is assuming that I don't run into a Hermione- or Ron-type character who warns me away from all the pureblood/classist nastiness; if that happened, I'd probably end up in Ravenclaw.)
I have no idea whether the Hat would have agreed with me. In canon, we never see it actually veto a choice, only grant requests. Which makes me wonder — if someone asked for a House that they were really, profoundly ill-suited for (as I think some of the canonical Slytherins might have done), what would it do?
#footnote to the last paragraph that I find fun is that lionheart!draco doesn't initially ask the hat for Slytherin#he's so carried off in the assumption that he'll end up there he doesn't bother to ask#but this is draco's problem#he splits up all goods into “things i deserve” and “things i don't deserve”#so as a kid it doesn't occur to him that he doesn't “deserve” to be in slytherin#and that the hat wouldn't as such immediately acknowledge that fact#which of course. prevents him from actually. yknow. asking for it.#blessed little idiot. see? do you see how asking nicely could have improved your life??#another possible subtitle for LH tbh.#greenteacup asks
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Hi! It's been a while since I've talked about the upcoming updates, but I finally had a chance to actually sit down and make plans! (the life of a corporate slave, am I right? 🙃)
It has something to do with the changes I will be implementing on my patreon, though. I've thought for a while how to give content that's worthwhile of subscriptions while also making sure I can be comfortable with them, and in all honesty, I had a tricky time doing it. HM is too personal for me, as I used to talk about before, and some of the patreon benefits I promised before eventually felt too revealing - of my own thoughts and people whose lives were a huge inspiration for this story.
I will be talking about these changes and the update schedules as well below the cut.
UPDATES
I aim to finish at least half of HM's Book 1 this year. It seems to be a more realistic goal than forcing myself to finish everything right away (which tbh may have been a huge pressure I put on myself the past few years), though admittedly, things are unpredictable in the field I'm in; my job is full of overtime hours, and I spend most of my weekends trying to recover (or sick).
Still, I gotta finish it one way or another, and it's not going to write itself (though I wish it would!), so yeah, set realistic deadlines, pull out a few all-nighters, and maybe I'll actually get through it, who knows?
I do hope I'll have steadier finances by the time Book 2 starts so I can put more focus on writing and have sufficient energy for it, but that's a conversation for another day.
Changes in Prologue - Chapter 2
Okay. I know I promised not to make revisions until I write more chapters, but changing how some game mechanics work and reworking the stats made it a necessity, and I underestimated how much rewriting I'd have to do. A few scenes ended up not working well anymore, and I couldn't resist from revising a few clunky sections while I was at it.
Dialogue options were one of those that were significantly affected by the stat changes, but no worries, nothing is changed in the story -- meaning Wesley still fucks with the Ripper's life (oops), Richard still goes off doing whatever non-sus thing he's doing, you can still punch Bale (it's even a lot funnier this time), Bertrand remains a bitchy cop, and you'll still have your sad flashback with your former best friend/lover/crush or whatever they are to your MC.
The plan is to release the updated version of Prologue and Chapter 1 to patrons by the end of March (I will have a few days off work that week) and release it to the public once the new content is also ready, which I presume will be available next month (I will keep you all posted but I really hope I can get it done by then because it's been forever 🥲).
I might tweak Chapter 2 a little so the available portion can stand on its own rather than be divided into two parts, because it's just too long lmfao and is harming the pacing as I keep worrying about the length. I'm also incorporating a few suggestions a few folks gave me these past few months.
Succeeding chapters
I've probably said this before but things are bound to get more insane in HM once we're past the first three to four chapters. But also quicker to write in a way. They're the kind of scenes I thrive in, and while they have bigger variations, they're a lot more fast-paced, characters start being manipulative little shits, and the threats are more prevalent than ever. Your Ripper will not have a good time, but I certainly will (I say as I look at my outline and get sad doing it). There will be a few "breaks" in between, but this is not and will never be a light-hearted story. Anyway, I'm inclined to believe I'll be more consistent with updates when that time comes, so bear with me for now :')
PATREON CHANGES
This is getting long, so I'll just list the updated tier benefits and end the day with it. I'll be posting a schedule that I will be committing to (here and on patreon tomorrow morning), with the below details as well (so if you wanna stop here that's totally valid) but for now, here's the tentative list:
Tier 1
Early access - 4 days before a public update (this month will be an exception and you'll get the update as soon as the other tiers get it, too).
Sneak peeks and deleted scenes - I included the latter because apparently I delete a lot of great scenes
Hints for future revelations in the story - the categories will depend on results of polls; the hints may be about Bale's death, about Ripper's family, Pharos, Cyro, the ROs themselves, or the nightmares that the MC is getting, etc. Might be in form of vague conversations/dialogues between unknown characters, might be me dropping subtle info about those involved. Either way, it will be fun :). The polls and these hints will be given monthly.
Tier 2
Early access - 1 week before a public update
all the other benefits for Tier 1
monthly RO snippets - I'm still experimenting with this, but I might simply write MC x RO snippets (with different kinds of MCs for different scenarios because I deeply hate writing blank slate MCs, sorry)
a choice to see the POV of a character, decided through polls, for every chapter/update.
Tier 3
Early access - as early as it's available and goes through testing stages
all other benefits for previous tiers
Non-RO short stories
Previews on unintroduced characters :)
That's all for tonight! I am so tired lmfao but I hope you all are having a great weekend so far! See you tomorrow :)
#patreon#patreon changes#updates#hollowed minds progress update#interactive fiction#hollowed minds series#hollowed minds#wip#writing#hollowed minds book one#if wip#interactive novel
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Eight steps in making the editing process of your book easier
It is that time again. You have finished telling the story and now, you have to edit it, so that your novel will be perfectly edged like a diamond. But, although it may seem easy, it is not. I have gone through it three times and a new editing process is coming way soon and, honestly, editing the first draft of the novel you have written sucks. I would describe editing your novel as a non-editor the work of the fucking devil, and I am not speaking about its grammar. I am speaking about the plot and the storyline. Just think of how many things you have learnt since you have started writing your book, and with the more things you have learnt, the better your writing became Unfortunately, no one knows everything from the first page and your writing style can also change throughout the book which makes everything even harder than it already was. So, now that I have finished procrastinating, I am going to show you eight steps into making the editing process of your book more bearable and less terrifying.
Step 1: Make a list with the editorial changes while writing
Writing a book takes a lot of time and during that time, you learn a lot of things. Your writing fluidity changes, the book's ideas start having a clearer form and your entire writing style changes. Since your ideas become clearer, you have to edit each chapter, from the beginning to the end, which means that once the writing process is done, you will have to start from the introduction and change some things. Those things could be names that you have changed throughout the book, wrong dates, different descriptions of the same characters or places and so on. My advice is to make a list of all the tiny things that you will have to fix during the editing process, while and after writing your draft. Tiny things can also include formatting changes that you think are necessary to make your book better. Maybe, it can be important information that you might have altered which should stay intact during the plot. Remembering specific information is vital when editing your draft. The main point of this step is to know the tiny details you will have to either clean up or rewrite, besides the more important information that your future you shouldn't forget while editing.
Step 2: Read your book after finishing it
I consider that reading your unedited work is also a very important step because it can give you an idea of what must be changed and how the book looks so far. I would personally give it a few days after finishing the last chapter to start reading it, so then the story wouldn't be so fresh in your mind. Also, while reading your book, whether that would be on paper or on a device, I would recommend having the list that you have made at step one next to you, so then when you spot a mistake, you'll write it down right then.
Step 3: Make a list of the chapters/moments that must be rewritten
Unlike step one, this is more serious because if there are holes or discontinued chapters that just don't fit the book, you should not only acknowledge them but rewrite or cut them off completely. I, for example, am going through this right now. My introduction is not only awkward and cringe, but it doesn't fit the book at all, and in a couple of weeks when I will be done writing the book, I will have to take out the introduction and write another one to fit the whole. So, find the biggest problems and resolve them.
Step 4: Rewrite what has to be rewritten in another document
I believe that writing those parts in a separate document is going to make your official draft look cleaner and give you more freedom in rewriting or just writing the problematic chapters. Obviously, after you have written those chapters/parts/moments, you must insert it back into the official draft and that takes us to the next step...
Step 5: Make the rewritten parts fit into book
Now that you have got rid of the parts that didn't fit the book, you should make the rewritten parts fit with both the pages before and the pages after it. I don't think it is a problem with gluing the rewritten parts back into the official draft just as long as they are on a straight line with the other pages before and after them.
Step 6: Edit the details in your editorial notes
I would call this the easiest part of all. You already have the direction, now you have to stick to it. Besides those details, it could also be grammar problems that you could solve easily with a few changes.
Step 7: Delete the useless and fill what hadn't already been filled
Just like an editor, you must know what parts have no chance of being entertaining or important to the book. You must read all your pages and edit them like a critic. What is useless and bores out your readers goes out into the trash pin and what could be fully developed must be fully developed. If you feel like a paragraph just didn't fulfill its potential, then you should grow it out until it becomes the best you could have ever made it.
Step 8: When you finish editing it, leave it off for a while before reading it
I heard this advice from Neil Gaiman during one of his masterclasses on Masterclass and since then I have found this advice extremely useful. After a while, the story will no longer be as fresh as before and when you will read it, you will feel like the reader.
I hope those steps will make you feel less frightened by the editing process that is standing on your shoulders. All you do is to make your book better and even if that could annoy and bore you, that is part of a writer's job. Just because you have written it doesn't mean it is ready to be published. You may edit your book a couple of times before feeling as if your book is ready to be posted and I think that is also fine. All that counts is to get your book edited and ready to be given to your readers.
"Most of writing is editing...It is the responsibility of the writer to provide the reader with the best material possible"- Harry Heckel
This was Joane Unknown for #TalkingUnknown, more like these on my profile and at the link in my bio. Have a good writing day and see ya next week with another one of these!
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When the game to be released, I really want to play it and my patience is running thin, please......😢😭
While I doubt you mean this in a negative way, I am going to give a bit of insight into this.
Each chapter, just to read through, edit and code, takes me 8 to 10 hours to do. Chapter 1 and 2 actually took me 15 hours each.
On top of that, I monthly put out 5 short stories for patreon, a Q & A, and lore posts. While also doing personalized stories for my upper tiers. All of those take me 2 hours to write and some change to edit.
Then, for the base game, I am also writing a good amount of new content which I have to then code into the game. Each interlude takes me about a day to write and another day to edit.
I also need to code in a completely new interface for the game so I can include some new reading options. I need to do a coding overhaul because I knew nothing about coding when I started, and I have to rewrite 6 NSFW scenes, all of which have several variations to it which makes it more like reading and editing 24 scenes.
I also am only able to work two days a week.
That being said, I am also a mother of four. Two of those children are incredibly young. My time for writing is often found when my husband has a day off work. We have no help to watch them otherwise.
It's going to take some time, my friend. I am hopeful that I can work through it all at a faster clip due to my own desire to see it done, but comments like this are rarely helpful. They are not inspiring and in fact, add to the pressure of doing something I am supposed to love. Feeling like I am letting someone down rarely gives me a desire to work hard. Again, I don't think you meant this in a negative context but I do think it is important for people to know what they are asking of someone when they send in asks like this.
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So i’m curious-your father was in what you called your ‘second form’ all of the time and didn’t seem to have any higher forms. Do all members of your race have four/five forms or is it just you and Cooler?
Well, I suppose now that I no longer have any reason to hide my ability to transform, I may as well give you all a halfway decent explanation.
Firstly, 'my race' is formally referred to as “Arcosian”, though the name varies depending on where and whom you're asking. It's not a cultural monolith, you see, and our numbers are both few and far between. You may hear us referred to as Icejin, Frost Demons, Glazierites, et cetera.
Secondly, I (and presumably others of my kind, though I'm both a mutant and also the only one who actually matters) am able to rewrite my genetic sequence on command, which is how transforming is actually done. The forms that you're familiar with are the easiest and least costly to achieve, as they're ingrained into genetic memory. Most of what I know about how it all works comes from my father and my own medical team, but allow me to give you a brief summary of each (I'll do you the courtesy of putting it under a cut, as even a 'brief summary' will take quite a bit of space):
What you know as my 'first form' is meant to be a pupal form usually taken before a moult or during hibernation. It's a transitionary stage that I remained in out of necessity, as it slowed my metabolism and forced my power to remain dormant. It's commonly associated with children and the elderly, which was great fun to find out when I was in my teens and not allowed to leave it, but I digress.
The 'second' is...well, to put it gently, it's more bark than bite. My father preferred it only because 1) he liked to puff up his chest for the sake of his own ego and 2) he wasn't strong enough to create his own signature form. He insisted it inspired fear and respect among his subjects, but to me it just made him look desperate. It was embarrassing. (Also, apparently in times of old it was used in courtship, which given that context is quite funny .)
The 'third' is an evolutionary holdover from our days as semiaquatic predators, built for echolocation and pursuit. Isn't that fascinating? Imagine me swimming at full tilt to tear you to pieces. Ooh, very nice.
And the 'fourth', my true form, is the body in which I was born. A jack of all trades, if you will--or clay, to be moulded into whatever shape I please.
All this to say that our transformations are largely a matter of personal taste and aesthetic preference. My brother's an idiot tryhard whose diet consists mostly of protein shakes and broken dreams, so he decided to make himself look like the damned Space Terminator. That's not my problem.
#long response#img response#text response#T-L-D-R; My father was a moron and my brother took after him.
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i am so tired of this fandom and especially with aemond fics. like even with alicent×oc there is more nuance, unpredictability than with aemond. there are 2 ways. it's either aemond×niece/twin/cousin or aemond×some servant. that's why I enjoy your fic so much, you focus on greens dynamic and not everything orbits around getting aemond to fuck the main female character. it really refreshing to read your fic because you focus on alicent which is great and how they all interact from the small age. but if you know some good fics please recommend it, maybe i just encountered the wrong ones 😅
Apologies for the late reply! I've been at the hospital most of the day having testing done and I am just now sitting down with my computer.
Well, in it's all confetti anyway;, Aemond is only 11 at the moment lol. He will have a romance but that won't be until the epilogue when he's in his twenties.
Thank you very much! I am still fighting with the next chapter, with part 2 of Daeron's birth, but I can assure you I have not abandoned it. And I feel your frustrations. I so want to read Team Green fics, but you can't really find them on AO3, you have to look for them here on tumblr. I really have not found many good fics except for Lady Dreamfyre by @ai-megurine and My Hand Was The One You Reached For by @cakemyteas. There's also Shields Tossed Aside by @lullaebys and See, What Had Happened Was... by @daylander1000
A few of these have not been updated in awhile, but they are excellent and definitely worth the reads.
I am also working on a show rewrite that is Team Green, but also features Team Black povs, and frankly, I am guilty of what you are talking about, lol. My au opens with Alicent arranging a betrothal between Aemond and Floris Baratheon after Driftmark so she can get him out of KL and someplace safe, and there is a large focus on Aemond and Floris's marriage and the birth of their daughter.
Thank you again for the kind words.
#answered#anonymous#team green#alicent hightower#helaegon#aemond x rhaena#aemond targaryen#rhaena targaryen#alicole#fic recs#hotd
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