#I thought there would be actually funny stuff on there but sadly it’s all dumb immature cishet boys who think they’re the peak of comedy
my school has an anonymously run “confessions” Instagram page where people can submit stuff and it’s all lame shit like “ooohh I jacked off during a zoom call” or “ohhh ableist stuff ableist stuff ableist stuff” or “ohh I got a teacher fired”
but I want to submit something that’s like “I’m sorry to my best friend Steeble Stompleton, who I accidentally got him trapped in the wizard portal and we can’t figure out how to get him out. Hopefully nothing has eaten him yet. Sorry buddy, we’re trying to answer the wizards riddle right now. Good luck”
and then a second one that says “this is steeble stompleton, it’s so fucking dark in here and all the wizards are mean :(“
and then a third one that says “hello it’s me the wizard *wizard noise*”
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Jester's Game | b.tc
Captain Buggy x Pirate!afab!Reader
Genre: smut, angst, fluff (If you squint)
Summary: Trying to overtake Captain Buggy's ship leaves you asking questions, and surprisingly, getting answers
Word Count: 2.7k
Warnings: top!buggy, afab!reader, unprotected sex (pls dont), cunnilingus, fingering, creampie, squirting, rough sex, gentle sex (yeah wild), inappropriate use of detached limbs, spit as lube (also a no no), overstimulation, pet names (sweetheart, princess)
A/N: WOOHOO ITS MY FIRST NON KPOP FIC!! I knew I would write for other stuff eventually but I definitely did not expect it to be a recent hyperfixation. Buggy just has me bricked up okay! Anyway I hope y'all enjoy, don't forget to let me know what you thought of the fic in the tags !
It’s a rather unfortunate series of events, really. Sure, you could’ve told your navigator to sail away from the ship with the giant clown crossbones flag. Yeah, it might’ve helped if you had told your crew that they were about to fight some of the toughest pirates in the East Blue. But where’s the fun in that? As their captain, it’s your job to seek the adventure, and well, this was an adventure all right.
It started with you telling your men to approach, cannons firing, your crew hopping their ship, the infamous ship commandeered by none other Buggy The Clown. Yes, the ship your measly crew has decided to board. Listen, it was strategic! Buggy had somehow gotten the map to the grand line back, and your ship just so happened to be within the vicinity of his, so why not seek the opportunity to take it? Well that was your first mistake.
Now, you find yourself here, hands bound behind your back and kneeling with your crew in front of Buggy’s stupid, dumb throne in his stupid, dumb circus tent cabin.
“You all truly are fools for thinking you could take on my band of freaks,” Buggy lazily sprawls over his throne, seemingly unimpressed by your, in his words, ‘lackluster crew’.
“It’s funny actually, how pathetic it was, I mean even Mohji got in a few punches! Ha! Truly a fine show.” The man you assume being the Mohji that Buggy had just poked fun at, slumps his shoulders sadly at his jab. “Now, time to get to the good stuff…” Buggy trails off, standing up and taking a few strides in your direction, his dirty boots stopping directly in front of you. He detaches his hand and uses it to lift your head, pointing your chin up to look him in the eye.
Looking up, you spit and it lands on his cheek, he simply swipes it off with his attached, gloved hand. “So what if you defeated us, it doesn’t make you any better of a pirate, and doesn’t get you any closer to the One Piece.” You tilt your head and smirk. He may have overcome your crew, but he will never overcome your overwhelming ego and pride. It matches his just as equally.
“Ah, that's where you’re wrong, princess,” His grin is just as wide as yours, and briefly you’re confused, what could he mean? “Given your set of thieving skills, probably some of the best in the East Blue, I’ve heard, you’re gonna join my band of freaks, and I’m not giving you a choice sweetheart,” Buggy removes his hand from your chin, and it floats to his arm, re-attaching itself.
“Boys, throw their crew overboard, we have no use for them.” He rolls his eyes and sits back on his throne, “Oh! And go show them to their new quarters, make them feel at home.” Buggy laughs a deep boisterous laugh, one that genuinely sends shivers down your spine.
The pirates lead you into, what is actually, quite a nice room in the lower deck of the cabin, lit by a few candles, and a cot in the corner. Surprisingly, they cut you out of your ropes, and shut the door without locking it. What’s their deal? Don’t they know you can escape at any time if you wanted? Sneak out and steal one of their emergency boats, and sail to the nearest Island? Granted, you aren’t sure where the nearest Island is, you’re a thief, not a navigator.
Instead of worrying about escaping, you roam the small room, admiring your surroundings. The whole ship is clown themed, front he flags to the cabin to everything, but this room is different. Not a single sign of jester-like decorations anywhere. In fact, it’s as if this cabin was decorated specifically for you. Before you can think more of it, the door opens suddenly.
Buggy enters, and closes the door behind him. When he enters you’re sitting on the cot, legs crossed and unamused.
“Not thinking about escaping? Not that you could anyway, we are miles away from the nearest island, and realistically it would take you days to get there on one of our measly boats.” He rolls his eyes, as if annoyed by how small and fragile the boats are, before sitting backwards on the chair at the short desk next to the cot.
“So what do you even need a thief for? Why am I here?” You blurt, already growing impatient from the lack of information being given to you.
“I need you for many reasons, being a thief is only one of them, sweetheart.” Buggy grins and removes his hat, setting it on the desk. “You already have connections at the grand line, and while I know you need my map to get there, I know that you know the people I need to talk to, to gain safe entry without slaughtering half the fucking pirates there.” He leans back and relaxes a bit, observing your facial features.
“And why do you think any of the people I know would want to help you? You’re just some lowly pirate.” You spit at him, angered by his casualness. In what world would you even willingly help him? Who does he think he is?
“Ha…Me? A lowly pirate? This coming from the literal captain of a crew is hilarious! Tell me another joke, please.” He grins knowingly, he knows how to get a rise out of you for sure. You look over his facial expression, smugness overtakes his face and it makes your stomach twist, not with disgust though for some odd reason, with another feeling you don’t quite recognize.
This whole situation has you feeling all kinds of anxious. How did you just happen to raid the ship of a pirate who just happened to need you for this specific thing, and why is his presence making you feel so…weird? Something isn’t right here, and it can’t be because of your connections to the grand line. No, he’s hiding something.
“What are you hiding, clown? There’s something you aren’t telling me.”
His face drops, and he gets suddenly very serious, “Listen here, princess,” Buggy gets up from the chair and gets close to you, leaning down, your noses almost touching. “You’re gonna get me to the grand line, I don’t care if I have to torture it out of you, got it? No more questions tonight.” He gets up and suddenly grins very brightly, as if nothing ever happened. “Night night!” Buggy walks out and slams the door, then you hear a locking sound.
Fuck, he locked you in your room. You should’ve expected this, honestly. The way he reacted to your question was so strange. You knew there was something fishy, but you didn’t think whatever it was could’ve prompted that kind of reaction out of him.
***
The next day you wake up to yelling outside of your cramped room. Yawning, you get up and put your ear to the door,
“I’m sorry Captain Buggy! I didn’t know that was their ship I swear I promise!”
You hear what sounds like a kick to the jaw and a yelp,
“Didn’t know? Didn’t know?! You couldn’t tell by the giant crossbones flag that very obviously bares their symbol? I’m tired of you, someone go throw him off the deck.”
You hear screams and pleads of “No please!” and “I didn’t know I’m sorry captain!” before hearing water splash, then silence, then- oh shit footsteps coming towards your room. You scramble back to your cot and lay down, pretending to sleep. You hear a couple of knocks before hearing a feint “What the fuck am I doing, I go where I want!” Before Buggy barges into the room after unlocking it.
“Get up, I know you heard everything.” He spits gruffly, sitting back in the chair again the same way as yesterday. You sit up abruptly. Last night you couldn’t shake this feeling, of what you felt when Buggy had gotten so serious, and it’s just gotten worse being in his presence. Your abdomen feels hot, your ears feel hot, everything feels hot. It’s like butterflies in your stomach if the butterflies were armed with knives.
“Yes, I did hear, what do you mean by my symbol? I thought bumping into you was a coincidence?” Buggy smiles faintly, and chuckles.
“Yes, it was, I wasn’t informed of what ship we attacked, just that my men captured you all, oh but when I saw you…I knew.” Buggy stands up and motions for you to do the same, getting so close to you, your chests almost touch. He brings his hand to your arm, caressing down the length before gripping your wrist harshly, causing you to wince. “Do you….” he trails off, “Do you really not remember me?” He brings his eyes from your arm to your face, making direct eye contact.
You struggle to find words, what does he mean, remember? Yeah, he gives you a strange feeling everytime you're near him, but you’ve never met this man in your entire life. You think. Honestly you can’t remember anything before the age of seventeen.
“I– no, no I don’t…”
His smile fades, and he lets go of you, “I thought you would remember once you saw me, we were on Gold Roger’s crew together years ago, but you went missing after a particularly tough battle.” He pauses, thinking carefully about what to say next, “You– We– We were close, and I was devastated, I thought you were dead.” He’s being surprisingly vulnerable right now, and it’s kind of scaring you.
“I don’t really remember anything before I turned seventeen, All I know is one day I woke up on an island, a group of pirates took me in, I left, and I’ve been on my own since. The only reason I am where I am today is because I wanted to find who I was, and I figured I could find that out at the grand line.” You feel overwhelmingly sad. Why are you sad? You don’t even know him.
There’s a long silence between the two of you, it’s uncomfortable, tight, and makes you want to leave, until he says, “Let me show you.” He says abruptly, and you think you see a blush across his face.
“Sorry, I mean, please,” Buggy steps into your space again, this time his eyes flit between your lips and your eyes, back to your lips. “I’m sorry we couldn’t find you, I’m sorry you had to go through that, I missed you so much y/n” That was the first time he’s said your name this entire time, but it’s not one you recognize.
“Is that my name?” Your lip quivers, he’s so close now, your lips are inches apart.
“Yes it is, y/n, sweetheart, princess, I’ll call you whatever you want, just let me show you.” The thick air has disappeared and is now replaced with tension. Something deeper, heavier, fills the room. But it’s not a bad thing.
“Let me show you who you were to me.”
You let his face drop to yours, and your lips finally connect.
The kiss is slow, languid. It’s like his lips were meant to connect with yours. Buggy wraps his arms around your waist. Pulling you in closer, and kissing you deeper. His tongue slips into your mouth, and you let him kiss you as deep as he wants. The pace quickens and he slots his leg in between yours, rubbing against your pants and providing much needed friction.
You moan into his touch and he walks the both of you backwards until the back of your knees reach the bed. He lowers you onto it and hovers above you, kissing you again before departing. ���Is this okay?” Buggy asks, brushes his hands underneath the bottom of your shirt, slowly lifting it.
“Only if you return the favor.” He chuckles and lowers his head to your neck, sucking and biting gently while riding up your shirt until your chest is exposed. You sit up briefly to take off your shirt and as promised, he does the same. He isn’t overly ripped like most pirates are, but he’s still well toned. His muscles flex as he shifts lower, kissing down your chest, down your stomach and stopping just above the navel.
“When I saw you were the one my men captured, it took my breath away,” He lifts your hips so he can remove your pants and undergarments, “I was scared, anxious, I didn’t know what to do, so I pretended I knew you for your skills, not for your past.” After removing everything, he pushes back, kissing your thighs before sitting up, taking his gloves off with his teeth and throwing them to the side. Man that was hot.
Buggy detaches one of his hands and lets it roam up your torso, reaches your neck and gives it a gentle squeeze. Before leading his fingers over your mouth, asking for entry. You grant it and his index and middle finger slip into your mouth, swirling your saliva around and coating them generously. “When you suspected I knew more, I didn’t know what to do. When you boarded I just knew you by name, not face, there was no way I could’ve expected this.”
He removes his hand from your mouth and moves it down to your center, rubbing through your folds gently and inserting two fingers, scissoring you open and prepping you for what's to come. Buggy uses his still detached hand to remove his own trousers, his cock springing free from its confines. He strokes it slowly, clearly getting off to his detached hand fingering you open.
“Buggy…” You moan, you can’t even reply or form a sentence, the pleasure too good.
“Shhh just relax sweetheart, I’ll take care of you.” He brings his hand away from your now dripping cunt, reattaching it and leaning down. You feel his breathe over your core, he kisses your clit before taking it in his mouth, lapping up your taste and fucking you onto his tongue. You can feel your orgasm approaching quickly as he flits between sucking on your clit and tonguing inside of you, but he pulls away.
“Fuck! Why’d you–”
You’re interrupted by his cock entering you and your legs being lifted by his hands so he can enter as deep as possible. You don’t think you’ve ever felt so full before. His cock fits so nice and feels so good and he hasn’t even moved yet.
“Fuck you’re so tight and wet for me, so fucking good huh? Letting me fuck you like this.” His pupils are so blown out, he watches his own cock pull out and start to thrust into you, it just fuels your arousal further. Buggy starts out slow, just getting you used to his size before he picks up the pace, fucking into you even deeper and faster.
“Shit, gonna cum Buggy please.” He moves your legs to prop onto his shoulders and he grabs onto your waist, pushing down and holding you in place as he fucks into you roughly.
“Gonna cum for me? Go ahead sweetheart. Cum all over my cock.” He moves his hand over your abdomen and presses down, the pressure making you feel dizzy. You feel white hot, the band finally snapping as you come. “Fuck, gonna cum soon too, gonna fill you up so good.”
Buggy relentlessly fucks into your cunt, overstimulating you and causing a pressure to build that’s unfamiliar. “Wait Buggy I, fuck I feel weird it feels good.” Soon, with a loud cry you feel a wetness rush between your legs, causing you to let out a loud string of moans and curses.
“Squirting for me already? God you’re full of surprises. Shit, I’m coming.” A few more snaps of his hips and you feel his hot cum fill you up, as promised. It feels so good. He slows down and pulls out, his load leaking out of you and onto the sheets below. “So good for me.” He whispers, leaning down and kissing you gently. He cleans the both of you up quickly and gets dressed, ready to go back to his quarters for the night.
“Wait Buggy, before you go…” You trail off and he turns around, listening intently. “If you don’t mind, can you tell me more about my- about our, past? I need to know where I came from, what happened.” Buggy smiles gently, walking up and kissing you on the forehead.
“Of course princess, later”
© Choism 2023. do not repost or translate.
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Would you do a pic based on the song “Do you wanna be friends?” By Leanne Firestone as a Ken x reader? Like I feel like this song really could work for them. Like kens super all like “Oh stereotypical Barbie is so amazing” and reader just is like “oh. Okay yeahb I’ll support you” and just follows the song. Idk lol
Ough the unrequited love goes hard here </3
.........
"So...I take it that it didn't go the way you hoped?"
"Sadly..it didn't." Putting on his best smile, Ken sighed quietly as you both sat on the beach together. "I forgot it was girls' night and...she didn't want me there. Period."
You blinked. "She seriously said that to you?"
"Yeah."
"And..it didn't hurt?"
"I mean..she wasn't wrong. She could never be wrong. It's not my place to intrude on her night and I need to respect that. I'm just happy I got to dance with her and...almost kiss her after the party." His attempts to sound upbeat were forced, although he didn't want to concern you too much. "Simply being in her presence is enough for me. She's just so...amazing and beautiful and so smart. I'm glad we're boyfriend and girlfriend."
'It doesn't sound like she thinks the same...' Is what you wanted to say to him, but you decided to keep that to yourself. Instead, your shoulders remained slumped as he continued rambling about how "awesome" Stereotypical Barbie was.
It was nothing new to you.
You and him have been good friends for a while, although roughly 90% of your chats consisted of him gushing over Barbie nonstop; the remaining 10% were either him complaining about Tourist Ken or rambling about Beach-related stuff.
Obviously, you didn't mind talking to him and wouldn't dare shut him down. You actually enjoyed every moment you spent together, even if he can be a bit dumb and showy at times.
You just wish he didn't bring up Barbie's name in every single conversation...considering that she barely mentions his name whenever you talked to her.
It was unconventional at best for a Barbie to not be interested in her Ken, but that's just the way she is and he doesn't see anything wrong with that.
He wasn't getting the hint.
When you found Ken sitting alone on the beach tonight--in the spot where you'd normally practice you guitar skills--he looked awfully dejected and lonely. You immediately knew he tried shooting his shot with her after the huge blowout party with planned choreography and a bespoke song..
And ultimately missed by a mile.
"You know what she said to me earlier after that Beach accident, [y/n]?"
"What did she say?"
"She said I was "very brave"." Stars were practically shimmering in his blue eyes, his grin growing wider. "She thought I was brave! Isn't that awesome??"
"Yeah, it sure is." Nodding in agreement, you turned your gaze up to the brightly-lit moon in the sky. "You're a lot of things, Ken. Brave, funny, cool...she should seriously cherish those and not just shut you out because of "Girl's Night". I don't think that's fair to you at all."
The words came out faster than you could think, and your body tensed up as you watched his expression falter.
Maybe you've said too much.
"I..um-"
"Wow, that's...nice to hear, [y/n]. Thank you." He put a hand to his chest, looking at you with a gentler smile. "You're a great friend, you know that?"
"...right, we're great friends." You reluctantly agreed, forcing you own smile for his sake. "Do you mind if I play some guitar? This is my usual spot but-"
"Ohh, I forgot you had that...thing." Then he pointed to your acoustic instrument. "If you want me to leave I can-"
"No, no, you can stay! I'd hate to see you roaming Barbieland all night by yourself."
"Nah, I'm not really "roaming" aimlessly." He brushed off your worries, smoothing his hair out as though it was tousled by nonexistent wind. "I just sorta...wander around till I find a cozy spot. Sometimes I get lucky, but other times I imagine myself in her dreamhouse. I bet next time she'll let me stay over. Who knows? Maybe one day we can call it Barbie and Ken's Dreamhouse. Haha..wouldn't that be awesome, huh?"
At the end of his rambling, he had that same lovestruck appearance on his face as he rested his jaw on his fist, gazing at you.
That's the kind of look you wish he'd give you instead.
"Yeah, that would be cool." Once more, you agreed, before taking your guitar out of its case and placing it across your lap. "Well..I'm just gonna start practicing."
"Right. Thanks for listening, [y/n]. I'm just gonna sleep over here and dream of our future." He stood up and walked about ten steps towards a baby blue towel somebody left behind in the sand, laying down and curling up. "Goodnight."
"Goodnight, Ken. Sleep well."
Despite how uncomfortable he seemed, he had no problems dozing off as you heard light snores mere seconds after he closed his eyes. You saw a content smile gracing his lips and gazed at him for some time.
He never looked more peaceful.
"This one's for you.." You whispered softly, fingers gliding across the guitar strings as you began playing a song you've recently memorized.
Then you began singing ever-so quietly, closing your eyes and feeling the music flow through you.
""Do you wanna be friends?" I mean I wanna be more. But if "friends" is how I get to have you...then..sure. I'll be quiet in my pining. I won't tell you about the pain. I'll be silent in the night when I know that you're asleep..but I wanna ask you if you're awake.."
You weren't sure where you've heard this song before. It just popped into your mind one day and resonated with you so deeply, filling your plastic heart with a foreign feeling.
That being...the feeling of longingness. Pining.
Love.
It reminded you of Ken, and where your relationship with him currently stood...and possibly will remain for as long as you both lived.
You knew that he'd always choose Barbie over you at the end of the day, even though you've seen her reject him time and time again. He still kept chasing after her no matter what, always hoping she'll one day say "yes" to him staying over at her dreamhouse instead of shooing him away.
Eventually, he'd have to wake up and realize the truth.
Maybe then he'll finally see that you were the only one who ever gave him the time of day. The only one who truly cared about where he slept, if he was okay, etc.
The only one who truly loved him.
Perhaps in another life, it can be [Y/n] and Ken.
But for now, you just continued playing the guitar at him, even though he was off in dreamland, blissfully unaware that you were speaking to him through this song you were singing.
If only he knew your genuine feelings for him; although that may never happen since he's always calling you his "friend".
And if that's what he wanted out of this relationship, then...you'll have to settle for that. For his sake.
You'd hate to lose him.
"So we'll be friends, and I'll be okay. The world won't end if you don't love me, even if it feels that way..."
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Seungkwan x Reader: Winter Falls
Summary: Just 2 idiots who could have ended their suffering just by talking but they refused and suffered for ages, until the Maknae and a certain leader decided to interfere.
W/c: 1.9K
Rating: For all (?)
Genre: fluff.
A/n: Merry Christmas! This is for the Carat Library Secret Santa and my member was Rania @wheeboo . It was rushed cause I barely had time, I'm so sorry! 😩 Happy Winters!
----------------------------------------------------
You watched as he laughed with this person that you met as you and Seungkwan were leaving the party. You knew he was a social butterfly, lived like one, and as much as you loved him, it didn't mean you didn't want to strangle him. You watched him as he smiled and shook hands with someone who seemed like Jessi. Of course, it's important for his career and stuff, so you pouted and waited. He side-glaced a few times, and finally he said his byes and left. Yes, Jay Park's Christmas party was a huge event that every idol or personnel connected to the K-pop industry wanted to be in on Christmas Eve. The whole of seventeen were actually invited, and Seungkwan, Chan, and Jihoon had volunteered to go. Jihoon had left; you lost Chan while you were busy talking to Yeji and Lia, whom you've met before, at previous parties and events that you've been to with Seungkwan. So you decided to leave too.
Sigh.
“Are you tired?” Seungkwan asked. And you shook your head. “I wasn't the one dancing, hijacking the party like it's my concert,” you said, and bumped his shoulder.
“He played Fighting” Seungkwan said, shrugging. “So to answer your question, I'm not tired, just drained,” you said.
“Aw, it was too much socialisation for you? Wasn't it?” He cooed, and you hit him as he ran away towards the car in a laughing fit.
“Hey” you suddenly heard, and you turned around to see none other than the Bangchan walking towards the two of you. You assumed he was there for Seungkwan, but the thought changed when he simply nodded at Seungkwan and walked straight towards you, standing in front of you.
“Hey. Um, okay this is awkward,” he said and giggled adorably. “Hi” you said on instinct.
“Hey, again, Y/n” he said, and rubbed the back of his neck. What you didn't notice was Seungkwan literally shooting daggers through his eyes. “It's gonna sound dumb but can I have your number?” He asked, “sure but, you could have asked me when we were talking back then” you asked curiously.
“Actually, I was under the impression that You and um..” he giggled again, making you blush “that Seungkwan and you were together or something. But later on Chan as in Dino told me you weren't so I thought um.. cause I enjoyed talking to you” he said. “Sure!” You said “I enjoyed talking to you too” you smiled and exchanged numbers.
“Look at you, Ms. Popular” Seungkwan teased as you started the car to drive him back to the dorm and then drive home yourself.
So yeah Boo Seungkwan is your childhood best friend, you've spend the majority of your life together apart from the time he joined Pledis and you interned and worked for various music labels as producer and finally joined Hybe. You and him are mostly a combo pack, sadly, of best friends.
Were you dumbly in love with your best friend? Yes.
Did you ever do anything about it? No.
Would you? Very good question, but also No.
In your defence, even Seungkwan never showed any sign of progression.
“So you gave him your number in front of Kwannie?” Joshua asked for the third time and started giggling just as Jeonghan had been the next morning of the party. “I swear to God, I came to you two for advice as to where to go for the team Christmas dinner. Why is this even relevant?” You asked them.
“It's not, Y/n. It's just funny” Jeonghan said. You shook your head and walked out of the room. As you texted back Bangchan for the…12th? Time that day. Well, you weren't counting, but you've been talking to him since the morning. Je said he did that the first thing after he woke up.
It was nice talking to him, he just gave off this vibe. And you spent most of that day, of not working, then texting him.
“Are you free tomorrow?” Bumzu asked you as you were about to leave for the team dinner and you shook your head and said, “I have plans”
----------------------------------------------------
Hence, here you were in this cosy, almost empty cafe with one of the most charming men that the industry has seen.
He did have a different charm that made you want to trust him. And the conversation flowed like a river between you two. It started with music to different artists you like. Bands, you like, laughing at each other's teenage choices and stories. It didn't feel like you just met him 2 days ago. The woman in the cafe smiled warmly as she found the two of you laughing at some joke he cracked when she was placing your orders on the table.
And he asked, "So, how long have you been in love with Seungkwan?” and you were shocked. “Is it that obvious?” You ended up asking, and he shrugged his shoulders. “By the way you two look at each other? Of course.” He said it and smiled. “What do you mean by each other?” You said that, and Bangchan just shook his head.
And you told him more about you and Seungkwan. How you had met him on your first day of middle school and he was the popular kid, and you were new. How he immediately adopted you as his introvert, like any other introvert and extrovert duo.
The two of you laughed at your memories, and he kept making comments here and there. You told him how Seungkwan dissed anyone who tried to bully you and how you supported him in his singing gigs. And how you realise during his basketball tryouts in high school that you were hopelessly in love with him. You also told him about all the times you mustered up the courage to tell him, which was really twice, but backed up the moment you saw him, You could take the fact that he didn't like you, but you couldn't take it if you lost him on whole or made things awkward, that would affect everything and everyone. So each time, you backed away.
“Oh my god, look at the snow” the woman suddenly said, and the two of you did. You and Chan both took a sharp breath in and looked at the outdoors in awe. The whole horizon was covered with a thin blanket of white as the snow had just started to fall.
The Christmas atmosphere felt more magical. Strangely, your heart started yearning for someone. Not just someone, because if it would have been that, then you'd be glad Bangchan was here. But no, your heart yearned and craved for that one man. The one you were in love with, Boo Seungkwan, who would probably never be yours.
Your trance was broken by the sound of your phone. Bumzu was calling, “Yeah?” You picked up and answered. “What?” You exclaimed, "Okay. Okay” Bangchan heard you say. He knew your tone, he's been at a similar spot several times. So he nodded his head when you hung up and looked at him. “Problem in the studio?” He asked, and you smiled once again. “Yes, but let's do this again, that is, if you want. I mean, I had fun, and-” you were mumbling, and he stopped you. “Y/n, I had fun too, let's hang out again” he said and you picked up your bag. "Hey, is this cardigan all you're wearing?” Bangchan asked, and you nodded. “You're gonna catch a cold” he said, as he started taking off his jacket. “No! Chan, dont” you told him but he only smiled and offered his jacket to you. “Take it, I don't feel cold, this one I'm wearing will do”
And he didn't take no for an answer.
----------------------------------------------------
“I came as fast as I could” You said and Bumzu started to explain to you what the issue was. “How were your plans? Sorry if I messed it up” he said with a smirk and you shook your head, not reading into it much.
You met Seungkwan on your way out “Is that a new jacket?” he asked. “No it’s Chan’s” you cleared.
“Chan’s?” Seungkwan said and looked at Dino with a quizzical look, who was standing at a distance. “No not this, I mean Bangchan” you said.
“Oh, Ohh” Seungkwan said, “It went well then” he said. You shrugged "Well, kinda b-” you were interrupted. “Oh, we've gotta get back to practice, see you later at Mingyu's party, later” He had hardly gotten the words out of his mouth when he turned and left. So you didn't see the light that his eyes had lost. The way his eyebrows knitted as he lost whatever hope he had.
----------------------------------------------------
You were sitting at home infront of the mirror, thinking back to the times you thought of just telling Seungkwan how you felt. It was different back when he was a student or trainee, he's an Idol now, (world high top class idol) it's more difficult now. You sighed, like he'd like you anyway.
“Hey!” Mingyu greeted you and placed a cup in your hand. “Hoshi made that” he said with a side hug and walked away almost as soon as you entered the party. Now you've had enough experience to know that when Soonyoung dabbles with alcohol, drinking it is a bad idea and you confirm it by taking a sip and walking towards the kitchen to replace it with something actually drinkable.
“Y/n!” You heard Joshua call you, who was sitting beside Seungkwan. “Ohho! Girl you look gorgeous” he said with a warm smile. You thanked him and said “Hey Kwana” you said, but no response except a nod of acknowledgement. You all chatted merrily, the whole circle being of people you knew. Seungkwan barely contributed. At some point you heard cheers, only to find Mingyu holding a bouquet of-
“Why is Mingyu holding flowers over Yohan and his girlfriend’s heads as they kiss?” Someone asked. “Those are mistletoes,” you said and they shook their heads in realization.
Everyone cheered as Mingyu now held the bouquet over a very drunk Hoshi and Dokyeom. Well, Hoshi is trying to kiss Dokyeom at this point anyway, and everybody laughed.
You felt anticipated as Mingyu looked around the room for his next target. Your heart slowed down when his eyes locked on you, it skipped a beat when he started walking towards you and pouty Seungkwan.
“Yes! Finally!” Joshua cheered from across the room.
“We can't” Seungkwan said, and your heart dropped, so he really doesn't like you like that. So you were right. “We can't put Y/n through this” he added. “Excuse me?” You said immediately. “You wouldn't wanna kiss me right? Besides, aren't you seeing, you even had his jacket” you interrupted him. “Can you stop assuming for me instead of asking” you said standing up and walking away.
“Y/n! Y/n, wait” you heard Seungkwan's voice in the hallway behind you, his steps seem a bit disoriented.
“What did you mean?” He asked when he reached you. “What?” You said.
“What did you mean back then?” He asked cluelessly.
“I'm not seeing anyone! Who does that just after one date anyway? I don't see Bangchan like that, or anyone like that in fact. Because I'm hopelessly in love with YOU!” you blurted out.
“What? It's not hopeless” he said and before you could react, Seungkwan held your face in his hands and slammed his lips onto yours.
“It's not hopeless” Seungkwan said again when he pulled away, with a dumb smile on his face.
----------------------------------------------------
Other Works
My networks: @sandsofire @k-vanity @caratlibrary
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Shows that were canned too early that deserved better (imo)
We all hate it when we get wayy too invested into a show with good characters, an interesting plot, and a solid setup right? Well it seems that the networks for these shows didn’t really see it that way sadly, some of these shows are known, others aren’t, but this is just gonna be me rambling about how we didn’t get more of these said shows 😭
The Owl House
Now this one I wont dig deep into too long? We did get a solid ending in the end, but we were definitely robbed of a full season 3
The fact that this was Disneys next big thing, (like Gravity Falls) and still got axed kinda baffles me a bit because executives love big ratings
I heard they cancelled it because of it ‘not fitting the disney brand’ (mostly because there were two main gay characters in it) which I thought was super unfair, because they really were that homophobic 💀
All in all, I enjoyed this show and wanted a full season 3
Close Enough
From Regular Show creator J.G Quintel, this show was definitely more for an older audience, and let me say they did amazing at it.
The shows humor didn’t revolve around cussing or sex jokes, (which is what I see all the time now in modern adult animation) and the show was definitely funny!
Unfortunately though, Max cancelled it after 3 seasons due to the merge of Discovery + and HBO Max, with Max canning alot of shows during that time, this being one of them
We kinda sorta got left on a cliffhanger of sorts?? At least imo. Liked the show and wish we had more
Wander Over Yonder
For a show made by Craig McCracken (Powerpuff Girls, Fosters Home) you’d think it would be popular and have a bunch of seasons right?
Well no, with this show only having two seasons after Disney cancelled it because ‘80 episodes were enough for this show’ which is kinda dumb?? I dunno I just don’t like executives and rules and stuff
I remember this show from my childhood, it was really good in my opinion, I feel like we could’ve had more if Disney didn’t cancel it as early as it did
Love you WOY 🫡
Inside Job
The fact that this show left on a cliffhanger too made me even more upset that Netflix cancelled it as early as they did
Not only was this another adult animated show that didn’t rely on cussing or sex jokes, the story was actually really interesting too and if the show did continue, we would’ve had a happy ending
Screw Netflix actually I will never forgive them for this one
Grojband
I CANNOT stress enough about how this show deserved so much more than what it got, I actually would’ve put it at number one, but the next one is kinda justifiable so ._.
From Todd Kauffman and Mark Thornton (Total Drama Island) this show featured a kid and his friends that were in a band, and used lead singers sisters diary as lyric ideas, bc they suck at writing them
And I loved it
I swear I don’t think I’ve ever been heavily interested in and emotionally attached to the characters in a show before, it was so good
The songs in this show were also heavenly, I suggest you give them a listen, theyre really good!
Also another reason I really liked the show was because it was a Canadian toon that didn’t revolve around gross out humor (I applaud them for that)
Unfortunately this was a show Cartoon Network screwed over BIG time, with when it came out during the summer it was airing, kids were mostly outside playing, never really gaining an audience, and then after the first half of the season aired, it was on a 2 YEAR hiatus. With fans questioning if the show would ever come back
Fortunately it did! Except Cartoon Network shoved it on their app, and a year later shoved it onto their sister channel, Boomerang. Then, after the show FINALLY ended their first season, the show was immediately cancelled, with Cartoon Network never really giving it a chance
The whole way Cartoon Network handled this show frustrated me immensely, with it having a decent fanbase, and people wanted more (me being one of them:()
The creators even had alot of plans for next said season, but I guess we will never get to see them (unless a Clone High situation happens but that’s doubtful)
Show was very underrated and deserved SO much more, Cartoon Network fumbled this one and the last show Im about to mention
Sym Bionic Titan
This sci fi animated series by Genndy Tartakovsky (Samurai Jack, Dexters Lab) only lasted one season with 20 episodes
With Cartoon Network cancelling it because of the failure to produce a TOY LINE
The fact this show got axed because of toys just makes me so upset
This was one of those shows that also left on a cliffhanger sadly, so we never really got to see how this show properly ended
With Genndy even saying that he wrote 10 more episodes, but now we will never get to see them
ALSO THE SHOWS SOUNDTRACK WAS SO GOOD?! Love when shows put banger songs in the bg, reminded me so much of Clone High
Anyways thats pretty much it? These are just my opinion tho, everyone is entirely different
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I have way too much shit to do over the next few days starting tonight, so yesterday I decided to stay on the couch and have cramps and vegetate and watch all the lady movies I've been sleeping on.
EILEEN is pretty much what I expected, it's good but not great and a little pretentious, but the character study with Thomasin McKenzie is really cool. Or maybe I just thought that because she reminded me so much of a close friend of mine that I just decided the movie was about my friend and it was more fun that way.
THE ASSISTANT was also about what I expected, good but not great and sort of predictable--although I like how it plays like a thriller even though what's happening is sadly mundane and unsurprising. That approach works pretty well for this movie.
THE SOUVENIR is not a masterpiece but very strong, and disturbing. One critic called it a type of horror film. Years ago I was in a version of the awful relationship at the heart of this movie, and although that guy didn't have the excuse of [SPOILER REDACTED], all of his behavior and its effects on me were basically the same. It could have literally been him on the screen. My viewing experience was pretty tainted by unpleasant, shameful flashbacks and although I'm confident in saying it's a good movie, it's hard for me to imagine what it's like to watch it if you don't connect it directly to your own biography. I'll just never know what it's like as a pure work of art.
The funny thing about THE SOUVENIR is that it has this weird Rotten Tomatoes ratio were the audience score is really low, I wonder what that's about. Maybe it's just one of those things where general audiences are more resistant to being Very Bummed Out than film critics and aficionados. Or maybe it's that dumb thing where audiences find the choices of the victimized protagonist too hard to relate to because of the media they've been trained on. I often notice this in discussions about horror movies where the characters are motivated by fear, hysteria, dissociation, incomprehension, and other totally normal responses to extreme experience, and shallow unimaginative viewers go "UGH why did she do THAT, THAT'S not what I WOULD DO," and not only is it exactly what they would do in an incomprehensible situation, but their basis of comparison is not even "rational behavior"; their basis of comparison is the behavior you see in THE BOURNE IDENTITY or something where the hero does everything perfectly all the time and because certain viewers are strongly pursuaded by inhuman perfection, they think that's the standard everyone should be meeting, that's what they think is "realistic". It's stupid and ignorant and egotistical, and it's actually part of my secret criteria for who I can and cannot be friends with.
But anyway that's kind of what THE SOUVENIR PART II is about, which has high ratings for both critics and audience. It is a better movie, to some degree, but it was extra fascinating to me because as the protagonist uses her senior film school project to do a post mortem on her awful relationship, she is confronted with the fact that nobody quite gets what the story is about because none of her cast or crew have been in her shoes and they find the whole thing unconvincing. They don't get why the heroine subjects herself to abuse, or how to humanize the guy who seems like a total monster. You know, why is she so weak, he's "obviously" bad, what is the logic of this situation? All this black and white, judgmental thinking from people who are lucky enough not to have had to live through such a thing. The truth is that the abusive relationships are sort of absurdist in nature, they don't play by the normal rules, even the laws of time and space bend around this black hole you're being sucked into, which the heroine finds out as she's trying to put scenes in order. Strong stuff.
THE SOUVENIR PART II reminded me of this great rant Joe Bob Briggs has about "strong female protagonists" that basically amounts to the idea that characters should be whoever they need to be to serve the story. They're not exemplars of some ideal state of existence for us all to emulate--I mean unless they are, but that's under fairly specific conditions. His example is always Laurie Strode, who is typically upheld as a Strong Female Protagonist even though she doesn't become that thing until years down the road; in the meantime, she is a completely normal person with anxieties and phobias and insecurities and perfectly rational responses to Michael Myers. And that's what makes her so relatable, not her perfection, but her humanity.
[EDIT: Pardon me if the tone of this is a little alien to this blog. I don't even know if it definitely is, or if anyone cares, but I couldn't figure out where to put this post because I don't post much autobiographical material here anymore and I try to make the content of this blog reasonably appropriate for colleagues to see in both tone and content (like this feels both too intimate and too casual to me). But, I also try to keep all my movie information over here, so this is what I picked. I'm sure this doesn't bother anyone but me, but I have to justify my own rule-breaking to myself in order to feel better, so there.]
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Suna as your boyfriend headcanons
suna relationship headcanons? hes my fav charater and i loved your osamu Christmas cookies fanfic so i went to go see some more things you have written and i noticed that there was nothing for suna, and i really like your work so i was wondering if you could possibly write something for him. its perfectly fine if you dont have the time or just done want to.
A/N: Woah, anon, me too. I love Suna, he turned into one of my favorite characters when I read the manga, he's just so pretty <33
Also this is very long and detailed at times, it's been a while since I last wrote "headcanons" so instead during fitting parts I just straight up wrote a paragraph
word count: 2.5k
warnings: none, not proof read
My requests are open! Leave something for me there
Okay listen, being with suna might be one of the most chill things out there, like on a scale of all haikyuu characters he’s #1
But let’s start at the beginning
Suna is lowkey about his feelings. He keeps 98% of his feelings to himself and works through stuff on his own, and most of the time unfortunately he doesn’t find a solution for his problems like this and he doesn’t know how to approach things, ESPECIALLY when it comes to… love
When he was younger his family referred to him as a late boomer bc he never brought home a partner
The thing is… There were people he was interested in. But it never lasted long, or the feeling was not intense enough in order for him to actually consider making a move. It never bugged him.
Well, until High School when he got to know the Miya twins and (unfortunately) became friends with them quite quickly. And they were just so … so … much. So much of everything. Suna did not like that, he found their bickering to be amusing at best, a funny video on his phone he can replay for a laugh. But sometimes they came up with these silly competitions and bets. And sadly, he was involved in them quite soon after getting to know them. It was dumb insignificant stuff most of the time. Slowly steal Aran’s pens, one at a time out of his pencil case until none were remaining. Sometimes they also came up with stuff involving… well… romance. They were teenagers after all, it’s a quite prominent topic. Suna just made a face whenever the topic came up and of course the twins noticed his apprehensiveness towards the topic fast enough to come up with a plan. “Hey Suna, make a conversation longer than two minutes with a person you bump into today. Dare. We’ll clean the club room in your stead.” Suna hated that idea. What he heated even more though, was doing “unnecessary” tasks like moving too much while cleaning. Kita took care of that anyways. So he just sighed and nodded. Fine, then. Bold of them to assume he’d bump into anyone at all, he’s tall enough to clearly see everyone around him, there was no way someone would actually manage to bump into him without him avoiding it.
Or so he thought, because he did not see your clumsiness coming. How could he have. You were carrying big maps in your arms, a few too many for your size and arm length. Shame on you for being foolish enough to think you could carry the materials for two people since your friend was sick today. So after class, as Suna made his way up the stairs to his classroom, you came stumbling down with the maps in your arms threatening to fall all over the place. You almost managed to prevent the crisis. Almost. Someone must have lost a candy wrapper earlier today and not noticed. Now, with the tile floor of the stairs along with your slippery shoes, it was only a matter of time before you slipped and fell. You only caught a glimpse of someone coming up the stairs you were walking down. Inan attempt to save not anly your life and theirs you let go of the maps and cried out a “WAtch OUt-!” Suna looked up then, eyes widening as he watched the maps collapse down the stairs in front of him. He pressed his body to the railing, while holding out an arm to try and catch the falling materials. He did not succeed in that, but instead caught hold of your outstretched hand that was gripping after the maps. Surprised by the sudden skin contact you yelped and came to a hold in a weird crouching position in front of him, his long fingers wrapped around your wrist which most likely prevented you from falling to your knees completely.
Both of you shared a look before watching the maps rol down the last flight of stairs and finally stop at the foot of the platform. You sighed at the sight. “Great.” Was all you could utter in a less motivated tone now. Then you remembered the boy next to you, with your wrist still in his hold. “Uh, thanks for saving my life.” Suna was still perplexed. Did the Miyas have telekinetic powers? Did they plan this? “You’re welcome.” A quite polite answer from him. “Saved my own in the process, it seems.” He nodded towards the bundle of maps at the foot of the stairs. You could just answer with a helpless sound. “Sorry for this. Almost didn’t see you, I must have slipped on something.” Suna could still just look at your figure. He felt quite captivated by the way you talked to him so effortlessly despite never having met him. He was not rude, just quiet. He greeted others with silent nods and never made small talk. And here you were blabbering about how you got in this situation in the first place, talking about your geography teacher and sick friend, forming the grandest apology he’s ever heard from another teenager. Suna was so captivated that in his trance he said something you would have never heard him say: “So, do you need help carrying those?” A phrase his teammates never heard him say before. Suna Rintarou? Doing work he doesn’t have to do? What was wrong with him.
Suna is the type of guy that’s quite oblivious to his own feelings and for a big part also those of others. It’s a result of never paying attention when he felt a twinge of affection for people in the past. After your first encounter, Suna often found himself hanging out with you. The twins didn’t even know of your existence for the first few weeks. Suna just kept disappearing during breaks without a word, he was the first to leave practice and he spent even more time looking down at his phone. They first met you at a match, where you greeted Suna with a big smile and wave and shouted his name to cheer him on. “my gawd, he’s gotten himself a fan.” could be heard from Atsumu, who felt a twinge of jealousy and earned a kick from his brother. You hung around them a lot more afterwards and learned their antics personally, after Suna had spent way too much time ranting about them in your lunch break meetings or through text messages. There were weeks filled with those meetups and phone calls, you even met at the twins’ home to play video games, you came to his matches and sometimes to watch his practice, too. Weeks until Atsumu exploded after practice one day, grabbed Suna’s collar and shouted: “So what’s this with Y/N, huh? You just playin’ or somethin’? What’s wrong with ya?”
Suna did not know what he was talking about right of the bat. His eyes wandered to Osamu, who was usually a bit more calm and level-headed. He usually saved Suna from these situations. This time though he stood next to his brother and had the same look on his face. “Do you like them, you giant loaf, or nah?”
DID he like you? Of course he did, otherwise he wouldn’t hang out with you. “You stupid bloke, that’s not what we meant!” “Are ya in love with ‘em?” Oh. Is that why he felt so weird hanging out with you, compared to when he was hangout out with the team? Was that the reason why he felt so light and carefree with you? Is that why he texted you first and last thing in the day? When the Miyas noticed that clearly, they had reached something in him, they let go of him. “Man, ya gotta make a move. Y/N’s definitely into you but they’re way too nice to make the first move. Don’t wanna get rejected, I guess.” With those words Osamu gave him a pat on the shoulder and left.
It took Suna another two weeks to think about all this. Was he finally in love now? Was he so stupid he didn’t even notice how much nicer you were to him than your other friends?
His confession came unplanned. It was before an important qualifying match for nationals. He wasn’t nervous before those, usually. But today you were there. When he saw you waiting in the big hall before the gym, clad in Inarizaki colors and colourful smudges on your cheeks, holding a bigger box with something, looking out for… Well, most likely him, his heart definitely did some gymnastics he wasn't used to. When you finally caught sight of him and the team you got all excited, smiling from ear to ear and almost toppling over in the process, he had to look away and gulp. You were so so adorable and nice and sweet and pretty, there was no way he could ever do this. “Good luck! You got this, I’m sure. I mean, I’ve seen you practice, you’re definitely prepared!” You beamed at them. “Thank you, Y/N! See you after the match!” Atsumu answered with smug laughter and then got pushed away by his brother, who patted Suna’s back YET AGAIN as the team left. “Here, I even have a surprise for you.” You held up the box in front of his face, then. His eyebrows knitted. “What’s that?” You smiled triumphantly. “Well… Last week we went to that café with the twins after your practice, right? You mentioned your favourite pastry and how you barely see it in shops, so I thought that after the match… No matter how it will end – I mean of course you’ll win! – it would be nice if you had it, no?” “I love you.” The words slipped out before he had even realised. He was so enamoured by your deed, the way you were speaking then, that everything was overflowing all at once. “Woah… What?” You were about equally as shocked as he was. Your expressions mirrored each other. Suna wanted to ram his head against a wall but refrained. It was too late to take it back, now. “I’m being serious. I’m just a stupid idiot who doesn’t know anything about stuff like this so I didn’t know what was going on, so sorry if I hurt you. I will cherish the pastries after the match no matter what.” Feeling bold, he took your hands and pressed them tightly against his chest. “Talk to you after the match?” You just nodded, all light-headed from the sudden confession and change of pace in your relationship.
Surprisingly, afterwards not a lot of things changed. You still hung out at school, after practice, he walked you home or picked you up. You hung out with the twins, played video games, you sat in front of him at the gym when he exercised to motivate him. Just from now on, the looks you exchanged had more affection in them. He placed his hand on your back or over your shoulders when you were standing somewhere. He placed his head on your thighs when you came to watch their practice and he needed a break, so you stroked his hair only for both of you to get scolded by Kita. Now, he took your hand when you walked to get coffee and took pictures of you. So many pictures and videos, of almost all things you did.
That’s how he preserves your relationship. He probably has about 10 folders on his laptop filled with your shared memories of late night trips to the grocery store, his matches where you came to cheer him and the team on, lazy afternoons at the Miya’s who just got annoyed that they were now friends with a couple, and many more
Dates with Suna are spontaneous most of the time and he prefers staying inside and hanging out. His love language is quality time and you learn that quite quickly. He just comes over at random times to do his homework even though you have to learn something completely different. But he does not mind, as long as you’re both in the same room. Trying new video games, reading to each other, cooking and baking together, watching movies and shows – that’s how you usually spend your time. But Suna also enjoys taking you to the cinema, or walks out of the city up the local hills, away from civilization where you’re just surrounded by endless fields and giant trees. When he got his driver’s license he often picked you up at random times of the day and you just drove off to some place, sometimes rounding the same block 20 times or completely leaving everything behind for 3 hours. As long as you’re next to him and you both can listen to the music you both enjoy the most, he’s contempt with everything
As mentioned before, he’s big on subtle PDA, but do not ever kiss him in public. Let him initiate the PDA, a hand on your thigh or waist or back, a cute pat on your head, stroking your cheek and then pinching it – those are his go-tos. Good luck kisses before matches only become a thing for you after he leaves High School and joins the higher leagues and the games get more serious. It only happened a few times that he was so ecstatic after a match that he came up to you and kissed you right there on the spot for everyone to see. He usually likes to keep your relationship to himself when it comes to things like this.
However, he loves posting pictures of you. You know those slightly blurry pictures? Yeah, tons of those of you in his stories with either really stupid captions or a single black heart
Suna may seem lazy but he’s a hard worker and knows what he wants in life. Almost as important as his own future is yours to him. He’s your biggest hype man and supporter. Accompanying you to important exams, helping you learn and make hard decisions for your future. He just needs you to learn that he’s always there and you can tell him anything.
A thing you have to accept with Suna is that as much as he cherishes time with you and loves spending time with you, he needs time to himself as well. He’ll send you a small text or leave a small note about heading out for a while and you will find him coming back at night, the fresh air of the night wind around him, signalling that he went on a long drive with the windows down for a while
And … that’s about all I have to say for now. Suna’s my type of man definitely, 12/10 would date IF he was real :’)
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Forgetting previous tag vent but I gotta ramble about All Saints Street fr !!! Send help !!
Disclaimer : so far, i just watched the donghua and i saw some part of the manhua here and there. And got some infos from fanfics bc i couldn't wait fr
Plus I don't watch a lot of animes, like maybe one every year/2 years, which explain the big feels-
Also I was genuinely surprised by it ? Bc even if i knew it was a goofy and good small donghua from what I heard, I thought a lot of things would be kinda... one dimensional.
(i added more in the reblogs lmao)
All Saints Street is so fucking cute i can't
Especially the angel and demon crew.
I was so happy when I noticed that Neil, all cute, good-hearted and clumsy was sometimes a bit of a savage, especially with his brother in the manhua (deserved ngl, even if Nick was just trying his best and thought he was helping, he sucked at it).
Same for Lily, i loved the fact that she's a battle angel, and mischievious, and not only the straight A student little miss perfect. She's no perfect cutie pie and little me would have relate to her or Neil SOOOOO much.
Neil and Lily are really a nd4nd ship lmao.
And Lynn !! I love that even if he doesn't approve the fact that Neil is crushing on his sister and he's protective, and that he's tired of the mess of Neil and his brother are doing, he doesn't hate Neil. He even likes him, bc he likes young people and Neil is so sweet and full of good.
And same with his relationship with Nick !! I thought this ship was going to be a bit too cliché for me but. They fight and bickers but- Lynn gets genuinely touched when Nick didn't forget his birthday and even gave him a good gift like. It's smh realistic ?? They can tolerate each other (from what i saw in the manhua too) and even spent good time with each other but they are both adults and dumb as fuck with feelings.
I really see Lynn not only as a character, but a strictly catholic-raised autistic bisexual man with a lot of childhood neglect that he's trying to compensate by being overly protective of his sister and loved ones.
Now that I think about it, especially with his "there's not bad student, only bad teachers" thing, he's making me think of my uncle but less anxious 💀
Then Nick. Bro this man stole my heart but that's probably due to the denial I had about liking him at first. I genuinely thought i wasn't going to like him as much as I do rn ?? He looked like "just" a smug mischevious kinda OP bastard and that's it. And even if those characters are cool and I like them, I didn't think more about it. BUT BROOOOO HE'S PATHETIC /pos
He isn't OP at all, he's a bit stupid, and probably the queerest mofo of the serie. And he genuinely thought he was helping is lil brother, and he genuinely likes Lynn. It's a bit of "pulling pigtails for attention" situation ngl, and it's funny for once. He cares ! He's a lot and smug about it !
Also, I haven't read the manhua yet, but from what I saw, I hold no sympathy for his father 💀💀💀 bro left his kid and asks him to get him out off trouble and makes him believe that he cares about him and DUUUUDE i'm so mad that Nick still loves his dad. Not in a "it's a bad trope" way, but more like in a "it's actually realistic but rn i see my friend who took years to realise how bad and abusive was their relationship with their parents and same for me and my mom" way. Like I wanna punch the man far from Nick so much.
Maybe I'm wrong and I'm missing stuff but >:( fuck his dad
Also idk if it's a canon thing but the whole commitment issues from Nick makes sense and my angsty decided to obviously blame his father lmao
Like he kinda wants to be like his father bc of his blind admiration but also... "no, dad didn't leave bc of Neil" and the unsaid "he left bc of me" that a lot of person in his situation have probably thought at one point in their life sadly, which makes him scared of people genuinely loving him. y-yeah... i love being sad /j
Also lmao. Nick is babygirl.
(the pic at the bottom)
Oh and it was S2 ep10 lmao-
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((WARNING LMAO, this post turned out a lot longer than I thought it would, sorry. Autistic idiot rambles about Jack Stauber for multiple paragraphs.))
TLDR; Watching Jack get popular as a fan who was there before he went viral has been great, however, most people only seem to view his art as nothing but a vehicle for their own. Taking inspiration from other people's art for your art is wonderful and fine, however if you ONLY view someone's art as nothing but a vehicle for your own, it's not great. Doing so ignores the intention behind it, covers up it's original meaning, separates it from it's artist, and ultimately strips it of it's worth as an individual art piece, even if that wasn't your intention at all. ((Also pls listen to more than just the same 4 songs, he has a pretty big amount of music out there and it's all really good, give it a try and stop listening to nothing but "Buttercup"))
vv Thoughts below vv
________________________________
Look it's 1am so idk if I'll word my exact feelings on this as ideally as I'd want to but like, I have mixed feelings on the fan base that has formed around Jack Stauber's work.
While yes it is good he's getting popular, and yes it is good he's finding success after all his years of work, and yes I'm happy people are enjoying his music, I can't help but find the fan base that has formed around his music to be fairly disingenuous.
And by disingenuous I mean, most people don't tend to care about the art of the music itself, what any of it actually means, or the heart and intentions put into it, or really Jack himself. Now ik this makes me sound like a pretentious dickbag, but it comes from a place of care.
I love Jack Stauber's work because it's so interesting to me. Not cause "oh wow it's so weird and fucked up!! Jack must be such a fucked up edgy guy to make such surreal art LOL." But because of the amount of soul is in his work.
I think people are too fast to dismiss surreal art as meaningless or weird simply for the sake of being weird, completely missing any thought the artist put into it. Like, if you have the capacity to suspend your disbelief even for a second and look past his arts surreal aspects, you'll see just how /human/ Jack's writing and art is.
While I'm not generalizing EVERY thing he's made or is going to make, ultimately I think Jack's work is about humanity. Human struggle both internal and external, with relationships, grief, communication, and the complexities of self image.
If you pay attention to how he writes his characters, all the dialogue feels really authentic. Like yeah I can imagine passing a person in public who sounds like that or would say that, or I could totally see a person in that context talking like that. He seems to have a really good understanding of people.
The way he portrays them is honest but not nihilistic. They're just people, and sometimes people are a bit weird, or awkward, or just plain dumb. But they're still people and they're not evil for being that way.
Even in Jack's more surreal shorts or songs, if you pay attention to the lyrics and context clues, you can probably derive meaning from it that in one way or another is fairly human and sincere.
Ofc surreal art that is weird or funny or off putting simply for the sake of being so has plenty of worth as well, and I'm sure Jack has just had fun here and there making strange stuff for the sake of making strange stuff. (Think "Nerpo") and that's valid too!
But ig what I'm getting at here is that, more often than not the majority of engagement I see w/ Jack Stauber's work outside of his YouTube channel, is people simply using his work as a vehicle for their own characters or stories, or fandoms.
Now I'm in no way saying that doing that stuff is inherently bad. I do it all the time! Finding inspiration from other artists as a way to express and expand your own art is beautiful and extremely fun, HOWEVER-
That seems to be the /ONLY/ type of engagement there is. Which, sadly, isn't great. Using someone else's pre-made art, especially music, as a vehicle for your own fandom/art isn't bad, however, if you ONLY view that person's art as nothing BUT a vehicle, even if it's not your intention, you completely lose sight of the art you're riding off of. You separate it from it's artist, disregard it's original meaning, cover up the intentions behind it, and ultimately kinda strip it of its own individual worth as a piece of art.
Anyways! Enjoying Jack's work is good but I wish more people would appreciate his work for what it is on it's own, as well as who Jack is as an artist and look at his work with a more realistic and proper perspective even if it does look "weird" or "pointlessly creepy"
Also this is a bit more petty and just how I feel but PLEASE listen to more than just the same 3 to 4 songs. There's nothing wrong with having favorite songs or just listening to the same few songs from an artist and not exploring the rest of their work, and like idc if saying this makes me sound like a shitty hipster- if you're gonna do that just PLEEAASE stop walking around and telling people you're this BIG Jack Stauber fan when the only songs you listen to are "Oh Klahoma" "Coffee" and "Buttercup"
He has SUCH a big selections of tracks out there if you include both the extended and non-extended micropop songs, as well as his albums. My personal favorite album is "HiLo", it means a lot to me and is getting me through a pretty tough time in my life rn. I recommend ALL of his music! Even his very first album, and the stuff at the start of his YouTube channel.
There's even people trying to compile his "lost media" on SoundCloud. Old and unreleased music he never put on YouTube. It's a fun thing to look into if you feel up to it!
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does ami still know how to use tumblr?
i figured i could start journaling again. tbh i always liked long-form journaling a lot more than short-form blurbs and updates. twitter is more for memers, or people who like to make big, bold statements. i like to flesh things out, or think in pointless circles, which usually means 10-tweet threads no one asked for cluttering up their timelines. my posts aren't funny, or entertaining. i feel like i come off as really annoying on twitter. which for a long time has sucked and made me use of the site unpleasant. especially since it seemed like the last one left. but with twitter falling, where else is there to go?
i wish we could just bring back livejournal. i feel like the way hey separated things into communities--so you weren't forced to get annoyed over memes that aren't even for you in the first place, or diatribes about ships that are only logical and enjoyable to the people who ship them--was sincerely superior. i miss it. sadly, i don't know if it will ever come back since social media prioritizing engagement means the more people who see something, the better--even more so if it starts a fight because that will mean even MORE engagement, and even MORE clicks, and the cycle just keeps going.
tbh, for a couple years now i've been thinking it would, mentally, be so much better for me if i just quit social media. then i wouldn't have to see my friends' super exciting lives while i'm sitting home alone for the nth weekend in a row. it would mean less comparing myself to other people. more time to spend on doing things that would actually better my life. but it's a scary thought. because i'm so used to social media, so used to relying on the constant presence of others, would i still reach out to people? do i even know how to reach out to people anymore, without just screaming into the void that is twitter and hoping someone hears? will everyone forget i ever existed if they no longer see my tweets? or, worse, will they actually be glad i'm not on their feed anymore? would leaving social media just mean i'm alone from here on out?
idk. this is the dumb shit that haunts me. i grew up on the internet and on social media--was a part of the first generation to do so--so it's hard to envision my life without it. (really, social media is probably why my ability to reach out to others is so stunted...) plus, as an otaku, you kind of need social media to connect to others who share your interest. at least, you do if you're not an intensely outgoing extrovert. which i am most definitely not.
going to the genshin concert made me long so much for at least one actual flesh-and-blood friend who would want to go with me to stuff like that. i had so many feelings and thoughts that i just stewed over the entire walk back to the station, and then the hour and a half train ride home. all around me were people discussing it excitedly during every intermission, but i just kinda sat there and stared into space, listening to everyone around me talk, taking in all their thoughts and feelings and not being able to share any of my own.
i'm not someone who minds doing things alone. i think because of who i am, and the life i live, and the illness i've been dealt, i couldn't survive if i wasn't willing to do things alone. i feel like maybe that's a very lonely thing to say, and a very lonely way to think, but it's just my reality. i decided to abandon my entire life in the states where i already didn't have a ton of friends, and i came to a place where most of the people are just as shy and unwilling to reach out to strangers as i am. plus i continue in this limbo of moderately-okay-but-not-great japanese, at the level where you plateau if you don't speak much. and i don't speak much. i have a lot of trauma around speaking. it takes a very safe atmosphere to coax it out of me.
i was considering starting a journaling style that i saw recommended, where rather than writing, you record yourself speaking your thoughts and feelings. and while i know that would probably be very therapeutic and helpful for me in the long run, i haven't been able to bring myself to do it. in a book i've been reading lately, "the body keeps the score" by bessel van der kolk, he discusses how trauma freezes the part of the brain that processes language, and makes it hard to actually discuss what you're feeling. that's always been a problem for me. i don't want to talk about things. i don't want to put certain feelings and thoughts into the world. i don't even know how. not even to my phone in the privacy of my home.
but i do want to try it, if i can get myself to that point. i really do want to get better. i want so badly to stop being afraid of everyone in my life, of being abandoned by them, or being hated by them if i open up and show them the worst of me. if i admit how lost and sad and trapped i feel a lot of the time. i feel like i look like such a negative person, such a bitchy and whiny sadsack of a human, but it's because i'm afraid of everything. i'm like that annoying small dog that's so afraid you're going to kick it and so it makes itself as unpleasant to be around as possible so you just leave it be. if no one likes me, if everyone just leaves me alone, i'm safe. i can't be hurt anymore.
for how sad this journal entry comes off, though, i feel like i've been in an okay place mentally lately. the fact that i've been going out and doing stuff again is a sign of that. for a long while i remembered the first year i was in japan, how excited i was to go out and just do things, even if i had no one to do them with. but sometime around covid, that started slipping away--i stopped leaving my apartment until i was invited out, and stopped going to restaurants and shops and events unless someone would hold my hand. but i'm finally in a place where i feel like i've started to rebuild a bit.
i've been thinking a lot lately about what my priorities are, and what i can do to achieve those things, so i can have some semblance of peace and stability in my life. and right now, i feel like i want to just prioritize the idea of feeling good about myself and good about my life. i worked so hard to get to where i am now, and it feels like such a waste to be living it miserably. and while part of me can't help but feel like being miserable is just the hand i was dealt with my anxious, weird brain, i want to try to do something about it. i don't want to just continue to be sad about things and let those things fester even if they're things that can be changed.
so for now, i'll change the things that are in my power to change--my diet, my sleeping habits, getting enough exercise, doing more of the things i enjoy, cutting out more of the things that make me miserable (no matter how fun and addictive they seem in the moment...), and just being kinder to myself if i fail in any of those at any given moment. i want to feel like i am some power over my life again, however little.
anyway. now that i've made myself cry writing this, i need to run to the store. but it truly is therapeutic to actually type all this out. i enjoyed it. i missed journaling. i'll have to do this more often.
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One kind of intern
(A/N): This was requested by @greenslifestuff :) It took me a week or two because I had to interact with my friends in order to get the inspiration I needed 😅
Summary: The team gets to work with a gen z teenager. Let’s see how that goes.
Warnings: Swearing and gen z humour
Wordcount: 2k
✨Masterlist✨
___________________________________
“Team, this is (Y/N) (L/N). She will be interning for the upcoming three months alongside this team. (Y/N), these are Agents Emily Prentiss, Jennifer Jareau, David Rossi, Derek Morgan and Doctor Spencer Reid and our Technical Analyst Penelope Garcia”, Hotch introduces a teenage girl to his team like this happens every day.
“Wait Hotch, we don’t get interns. What is she going to do, no offense, but getting us coffee or what?” Morgan eyes her suspiciously. She looks like any teenager grabbed from the street. A band t-shirt, a torn pair of jeans and a cup from starbucks in her hands. Nothing you would expect to even enter a federal building.
“No offence taken, Agent Morgan. I know having an ugly pickly bitch working with professionals seems weird. It’s just I have summer break and I thought it would be a good thing on my resumé if I already interned in the FBI, because I just graduated and I wanted to go to the academy this fall. But if you wanna do a vibe check with me first, that’s fine by me. Whatever floats your boat.”
The room falls silent. Then out of all sudden everyone turns to Garcia, who puts her arms up in defense. “I don’t even know half the things she said, ask her yourself.”
That’s how the BAU gets their first contact with Gen Z culture and let me tell you it is a wild ride, so buckle up your seats, drink your tea up because we aren’t going to make any stops.
“(Y/N), I need you to come with me. We are going to the M.E. getting the latest reports from our last case”, Morgan tells her while passing her desk. In the blink of an eye the teenager is ready, putting her denim jacket with various pins and bits of patches on.
“Derek, can we get starbucks on the way back? The pumpkin spiced latte is back on their menu and I am on withdrawal. Pleaaaaaasseeee”, she looks at him with a pouty face. Morgan smiles. “Ok, under one condition: We both get one, take awesome pictures and send them to the group chat and then we act like we didn’t get them anything, but we actually buy them their usual.” He got the hang of it pretty fast. “Deal, Sis.”
While they are in the car on their way to the M.E. the agent groans. “Ugh, road work ahead.” “Uh yeah, I sure hope it does!” Morgan eyes her from the side. His whole demeanor says ‘old and confused’.
“What was that, kid?” But (Y/N) begins to laugh. “Don’t you know vines? Short dumb and funny clips people made?” It’s safe to say that this afternoon he learns to speak in vines, getting on Rossi’s nerves because nothing makes sense anymore.
“Ok, I heard you wanted to become a profiler. So I thought I would show you some old cases and then you try to figure out the profile. I’ll present them to you like I do to the team, alright?” JJ and (Y/N) sit in her office, safe from curious eyes. “As right as the law, Ma’am.”
“Good, this is a case from several years ago. It happened here in D.C. Three men were murdered execution style in the middle of the night in an alleyway. They were all from different backgrounds. The only connection between them was that they were evicted for some form of sexual harassment or assault. The UnSub also had a signature: A shot into their groin while the men were alive.”
Unfaced by the presented facts (Y/N) pops a piece of gum into her mouth. “It do be like that.”
“What?” “I mean, it’s obviously a woman. She experienced any harassment or assault herself. She also has excess to the files, I assume she works as a paralegal, since most of them are women. Female serial killers are extremely rare, but they are better organized. The only thing left to say is good for her getting revenge.” The blonde looks at the teenager with wide eyes.
“I-I guess but you know you can’t say anything like that to Hotch, do you?” She asks concerned. “JJ, I’m dead inside, not dumb. I know this.” But the agent shrugs. “Good. Though I really want to see his face.” “Mood.”
Penelope Garcia is the closest one to relate to Gen Z culture, since a great part of her time is spent on the internet. She happily learns about all the phrases and their meanings as well as the newest trends and hypes.
“Purp is sus, I tell you”, is heard from the lair into the hallway. Spencer and Derek look at each other with concern on their faces. “Do you think they are alright or do we have to-” “IT’S A SELF REPORT I SWEAR PENNY! YOU WORK WITH PROFILERS IN GANDALF’S NAME!” Spencer’s question is answered by that.
“Baby girl, crazy girl, are you doing good? Do you need help or something?” The older one asks warily. But it’s drowned in another screaming match. “I TOLD YOU PURP WAS THE IMPOSTER BUT YOU HAVE TO TELL THEM I VENTED WHEN I DIDN’T! I WANT ALL TIKTOKS I SENT YOU BACK!” “YOU DON’T DARE TO REVOKE MY TIKTOK PRIVILEGES!” “WATCH ME GARCIA!”
“Whoa girls, what about taking a break?” Morgan tries to diffuse the situation. “Yes, I think JJ got new pictures of Henry and Emily brought cookies this morning”, Spencer adds.
The girls, who mere seconds ago were ready to jump each other's throats, look at the other one. “You get the cookies and I go to JJ, deal?” (Y/N) asks. “Deal!” Without sparing the boys another glance they run out of the lair. Their devices are still lit up. A red figure shines into their faces. ‘AMONG US’ is written underneath it. “I think we get too old for this stuff, don’t we Reid?”
Spencer always thought he was young. Of course, his mind is older, but physically he is not that old. But the intern proves him wrong. And boy is he wrong.
“Spencer, is there anything interesting to know today?” (Y/N) takes a seat on his desk, distracting the genius from his paperwork. It is a common occurrence for her to go to him to ask for a fun fact.
“Do you wanna learn something about sloths?” His knowledge (or the writer’s) on this subject is astonishingly big.
“Spill the tea, sis.” “Did you kn- What? But I don’t have tea to spill. And I don’t wanna spill anything, I-” Reid rambles in confusion.
“It’s just a saying, Spencer. There is no deeper meaning to it then ‘Tell me everything about it’. You know, it’s mostly used for gossiping, but I don’t really like to gossip. That’s why I use it in a different context. You got it?” (Y/N) explains it to him in a soft manner, knowing her generation can be complex.
“Yeah, I think I do. Thank you for telling me. I really like the phrase. It has a nice ring. What about you spill the tea about all the phrases you know and I tell you some things from my knowledge?” “I think you got yourself a teacher, genius. But now tell me about the sloths, I love them.”
A few days later Rossi catches her doing some weird moves. “Are you having a seizure or what is your problem, youngster?” Even though he tries not to show it, David took a great liking to (Y/N), thinking of her like a granddaughter. Still, most of her actions confuse the hell out of him.
“I’m practising a dance for tiktok. My friends and I worked on a choreo we wanted to film later. Come here, I can show you.” And that’s what she does in the conference room. The teenager walks him through every move of the choreo, explaining the meaning to it and how it correlates with the song.
“And then you move your arm like that. Exactly like that! You did a great job, David! Are you sure you don’t want to come with me later? We can make you your own account and name it ‘Grandpa-on-tiktok’. You can promote your books over there and it’s a way to float with the trend!”
Seeing her this excited Rossi can’t do anything but agree to the idea. Also, he secretly liked doing the dance thing. It made him feel young again.
“(Y/N), you said you graduated this summer. But your file said you are 16?” Emily asks her one boring day filled with paperwork and countless cups of coffee. “It is what it is”, she mindlessly answers, too focused on filling out the work in front of her.
“I mean yes but how?”
“Emily, smart people exist. I know, coming from me hits different, but here we are.” Finally (Y/N) puts her pen away looking at the raven haired woman.
“What are you talking about? I can’t really follow you.” The more the intern says the more confused gets Emily.
She sighs. “I don’t want to leave you on read here. I kind of am smart somehow. Apparently I was smart enough to skip a grade or two. But it’s no biggie. Many peeps do this, so I don’t sweat it.”
“Even though I feel like you are selling yourself short here, I know you are an incredibly intelligent person. Someday you will be an awesome profiler and any team will be lucky to have you. I really hope we will be the lucky team. But I’m still not sure if this is what I should say in this context.”
“Emily, you are goals. This fam is squad goals. I really hope to be a part of this someday”, (Y/N) admits. “I’m sure Hotch will do his best to get you on the team, you became a great part of it. I can’t imagine a future without you.”
Sadly Prentiss has to get used to a time without the team’s beloved intern. On her last day (Y/N) knocks at Hotch’s door.
“Hey, I wanted to say thank you. The time with you and all the others was amazing and I learned so many useful things for not only the academy but also for my daily life. I really had a glow-up here”, she says after coming in.
Hotch motions towards the chairs in front of his desk. “Take a seat, (Y/N). I got something for you. See it as a compensation for not getting paid for your internship. You really did great work and a better job than some agents, who are doing theirs for many years already but don’t know half the stuff you do. You are a valuable member to the team.”
“Wait, you speak in presence tense. I leave you all this afternoon, you know that, do you?” But the Unit Chief only gestures to a white envelope on his desk. Quickly the teenager takes it and reads it.
“Are you serious Hotchner? Because I will cry you a river if you joke”, she threatens him.
“I’m dead serious, (Y/N). Even though half of your talks are difficult to understand, the other half is twice as useful and important. Additionally to that, you are like a fresh breath of air that the team needed. That’s why a place here will be available for you as soon as you graduate from the academy. I trust you that you will pass with flying colors, I had to promise that to Strauss.”
“Of course, Hotch. I swear on my Animal Crossing Island that I will do my best and more. Thank you so much”, she leaps into his arms.
The others watch the interaction from the bullpen, pretending to not get teary eyed. Their favorite Gen Z Kid will come back to them after all.
Taglist:
Spencer Reid
@calm-and-doctor
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𝐑𝐞𝐮𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐝 || 𝐌𝐚̊𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐤𝐢𝐧
requested: kinda
summary: The reader is a close friend to the band, and after they come home from the promo tour through europe they spend some time at the maneskin house
pairing: Maneskin x Friend!Reader(also GN)
word count: 931
what kind of content: fluff
warnings: none
a/n thank you for everyone that shared an idea for this imagine!! I tried to combine them all. I also changed up theone prompt a bit :) @maneskinweek
masterlist new taglistform
“Hello rock stars.” You greeted them as you walk into the garden of the Maneskin house, where the four of them waited for you.
As soon as they saw you, they all came running to you, pulling you in a group hug. You haven’t seen them in a while now, since they were on a promo tour through Europe. They asked you to join them, but because of your job, you sadly couldn’t join them. Everyone around you called you the fifth member of the band, since you were so close to all of them. Thomas always said that you are free to join them, but you sadly lacked the musical talent to actually do so. Still, you loved to watch them from the crowed or just hang around while they are doing their music stuff.
“We missed you so much Y/n/n”, Ethan said, resting his head on yours.
“I missed you guys too, but you have to stop squeezing me like that I’m running out of air.”, you joked.
They let go of you as they started to laugh.
“Sorry, love, we just really missed you and your dumb jokes.”, Damiano confessed.
“My jokes are the best, I don’t know what your talking about. By the way, we really have to go to an amusement park together now. Seeing all the content of you in that amusement park in Sweden made me jealous. But first let’s go and cook something, I bought some stuff from the local market.”
The five of you made your way inside. Ethan placed the bags full of grocery on the kitchen counter, starting to unpack them. You could see his eyes widen when he saw that you bought fresh bread from his favorite bakery. You just smiled to yourself, because he was just too adorable. After everything laid out on the kitchen counter, you made teams. Damiano and Thomas would make “Bruschetta” and Vic, Ethan and you would cook “Paccheri al Forno”.
“Guys, don’t you dare to ruin the bread!”, you could hear Ethan say to Damiano and Thomas.
After some time, the kitchen already smelled delicious. All of you were having a great time singing along to some classic Italian songs. You were probably acting cliché Italians right now, but who cares, right? As long as they were happy, you didn’t care if you look like the biggest idiots right now. You could tell your friends were tired and glad to be home again. Usually they would never put on some Italian opera, but rather a rock playlist. Who can blame them after travelling a lot of countries in such a short time, having tons of interviews and meeting lots of fans every day.
“You burned the bread, you monsters?”, Ethan pulled you out of your thoughts.
You turned around to see Damiano and Thomas putting two burned slices of bread on a plate. Now you also noticed, the delicious smell of fresh cooked tomato sauce was overshadowed by a burnt smell. Vic watched the scene in front of her, being clearly amused by it.
“Which Idiot does not know how to toast a bread?”, Ethan continued to playfully shout at the two boys.
“The two idiots who haven't toasted bread in a while. Sorry Ethan, I know this is your favorite bread, like ever.” Damiano apologized.
Both Vic and you started to laugh. The way they were being so fake dramatic over the bread was too funny. Ethan helped the other two to toast the bread right, while you and Vic started to set the table. When everything was finished, you but it on the table as well. Damiano opened the bottle of wine you also bought at the market today and opened it.
“God, this is so good and the wine is literally the best.” Thomas stated after he took a bite of his Bruschetta. The others agreed with him. You just sat there smiling again, admiring how happy they all looked. You really missed them.
After dinner, you cleaned everything. At least you tried. Ethan threw a rag right into Damianos face.
“That’s for burning my bread.”, he said
“Hey Thomas also burned your bread”, Damiano groaned, trying to dry his face.
“Well, yes, but I only had one rag, and you were closer.”
“Now I’m fully convinced you never graduated kindergarten.”, you interrupted them.
“Good thing you didn't either.”, Thomas responded.
Now it was you who threw a rag across the room, hitting Thomas with it. You continued to throw the rags at each other, laughing like some maniacs. You started to chase each other through the living room and into the garden. That turned out to be a big mistake, as Vic pushed you into the pool. After you were back at the surface, you gave her a shocked expression, splashing some water at her. Luckily, karma aka Thomas got her back by picking her up and jumping into the pool with her. Damiano and Ethan followed him and also jumped into the pool.
Afterwards, when you all were dry again, you sat on the couch together watching some Italian show. To be honest, you didn't sit on the couch, you were a huge cuddle piled that was placed on the couch. Thomas and Damiano fell a sleep shorty after you went onto the couch. You braided a strand of Ethan's hair. Vic watched you with a huge smile on her face. The three of you just enjoyed each other's company. You looked at your four best friends and started to smile, being glad you finally had them back.
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TYSON JOST | LIGHT MY WAY HOME
A/N: More than 12.000 words later, more than a month after the initial request from Taylor popped up in my notifications. What a freaking ride. My longest fic I've ever written, and maybe even my favourite one. Thank you, to everyone who hyped me up, send me inspo and send me sweet asks. I couldn't have done this without all of you. Special thanks to @dumb-and-dunner, @chicagoblackhawkslover96, @heybarzy and Chrissy (who doesn't have Tumblr unfortunately).
Warnings: Angst, ‘can I strangle him yet?’ Tyson, swearwords, some major character development and (how could I not?!) a happy ending.
Also: Gabe and Melissa Landeskog play a big part in this fic, so if you aren't comfortable with them, you might want to skip this one.
Word Count: 12.1K
Requested: Yes.
The NHL lifestyle, or the ‘popular’ lifestyle was attractive to all young, hormonal boys. You’d known that for a long time. You stood by Tyson’s side when he got drafted into the wicked world of the NHL. Parties, drinking, sex, training until you can barely move, fights, games, wins and losses. It all had it’s charms, but it also had its dangers. Just like any other guy Tyson wanted to experience it all, the whole package,
You assumed you fell under that ‘whole package’, you were his girlfriend for a reason, right? And you did, for a while. You partied together, came home together, did everything together. But the moment Tyson became older and ‘known’ outside the regular hockey fans, that title didn’t mean much anymore. He became more and more the type of guy you didn’t fall in love with, the type to take you for granted, the type to enjoy the attention of other people, other women in particular. You weren’t the jealous type, you didn’t want to claw out the eyes of every woman that looked at him, but you were at a breaking point. Maybe you were jealous, you weren’t jealous of those other women, you were jealous of the attention Tyson gave them. Attention he should’ve been giving to you, his freaking girlfriend.
You were however the loyal type, the type to come home after a long night. And that’s exactly where things went wrong with Tyson. While you were waiting for him at home with a meal, a warm bed or just simply anything else, he was out. You had no idea where he was exactly, he was simply ‘out’, whatever that might mean. You tried to talk to him, you tried to make him see that this wouldn’t end well for either of you, but he simply waved off your concerns, shrugged his shoulders and moved on.
How do you talk to someone who rediscovered himself? How do you talk to someone who thinks he’s on top of the world? How do you save someone from the downfall of success when they don’t want to be saved? You knew one day he’ll come down from this high, one day he’ll realize that he screwed up. One day he’ll come to the conclusion he let something special slip through his fingers, and for what? Fame? Drinks? A rush of adrenaline? One day. But you knew that it wouldn’t be today.
However today is the day that you’re done. Absolutely fed up with all the bullshit excuses Tyson has been feeding you, all the coming home late or not even coming home at all. You have no idea what he’s been up to these last months, he’s barely home. Even when he’s home it’s like he isn’t really there. You can’t even remember the last time the two of you slept together or the last time you actually went to bed at the same time. Breakfast together? A lifetime ago. A lazy day together? Can’t remember. Date night? Months, months ago. Even thinking about it pisses you off to no end, the pain and hurt slowly making place for a new emotion: anger.
It’s frustrating to say the least. You love and take care of him like he means the world to you, and he does. Tyson on the other hand seems to take you for granted, or forgets you’re here at all. It seems like you’re talking to a brick wall instead of your boyfriend. No matter how hard you try, your words have no impact, your tears don’t make him feel anything. It’s like he’s a totally different person. You barely recognize him anymore these days, he feels like a stranger inside the body of the man you love. It feels like you’re both living your life, besides each other instead of with each other. It hurts, that’s for sure.
Like any other day you’ve prepared dinner, put it on the table and sat down on one of the chairs. All you can do now is wait, wait and pray he’ll show up this time. You even texted him, begged him to come home and simply eat dinner with you for a change. Of course you didn’t get a response, of course it’s complete radio silence from his side. God, you were desperate at this point, you don’t even try to deny it.
With every passing minute your hope disappears little by little. You stare at the food on the table until it’s completely dark outside, no sign of Tyson. Hours passed and you barely noticed it, it isn’t until you try to stand up and your muscles ache from sitting in the same position for a long time that you realize how much time actually has passed. “Fuck this, why am I even trying anymore?” you mutter to yourself, shaking your head. This isn’t worth it, it hasn’t been for a long time. Maybe, just maybe you’re finally ready to admit it to yourself.
Deciding to choose yourself over Tyson is a major decision, one you probably should’ve made sooner. It doesn’t matter, what does matter is that you’re choosing you now. You make the split second decision to just grab your stuff, just the necessary stuff. You remember Gabe’s offer, at the time you waved it off with a smile, pretending it wasn’t as bad as it might look to the outside world, but now? You want nothing more than to take him up on his offer. So what’s stopping you?
Even though you were excruciating calm this whole time, the moment you step into your bedroom, or Tyson’s bedroom, you break. This is real, this is really happening. You grab your bags, filling them with some of your stuff. Some clothes, some toiletries, your makeup, everything you might need. It’s a tough job, it’s even harder when you almost can’t see past the tears. At some point you lose track of things you did and didn’t grab, just shoving random items into your bag.
You let out a frustrated sigh, your body sinking down on the floor. In your hands the box containing all your high school love letters, all the small gifts you made each other. Tyson was quite handy, who would’ve thought that? You smile at the memories, sorting through the box. You frown at the feeling surging through your body, is this how heartbreak feels? Looking down at the contents of the box you sigh, wiping away the tears streaming down your face. Why couldn’t life be as simple as it used to be? It shouldn’t be this hard, right? You grab your prom picture between your fingers, smiling sadly at the two people in the picture, both smiling like they just won the lottery, both utterly in love with the other. How time can change..
You throw the box on the bed, maybe it will remind Tyson what the two of you had was special, maybe he’ll realize what he’s about to lose. If it doesn’t, well, it’s his loss. Hauling your bags downstairs is a full workout, you intended to bring ‘just the essentials’ but you have way more important stuff than you originally thought. You aren’t planning on returning to this house any time soon.
Shutting the car door after you loaded in your stuff gives you some form of relief. You let out the breath you’ve been holding in. You made your decision, it’s time to follow through now. You make your way back inside, and into the kitchen. Cleaning up all leftovers from dinner, which obviously is a lot more than you expected. Although.. did you really think he would show up? You shake your head again, putting the leftovers into the fridge. After you finish the dishes you retreat back to the living room, falling down on the couch with a loud sigh. All you can do now is wait.
You could’ve just left and never look back, but that isn’t your style. If you’re going to leave, you’ll do it the right way. You won’t leave without giving him a piece of mind, letting him know he fucked this up for good. You try to focus on the movie playing on the screen, but your heart keeps beating harder and harder, at this point you wish you would’ve just left instead of waiting for Tyson to show up. God, why did you have to do it the right way? Because you know, deep down, you would’ve wanted him to do it the same way. It’s the humane thing to do, it’s only right after spending such a long time together.
The front door opening brings you out of your thoughts. Honestly you don’t even know what time it is, but frankly you don’t care. All you want right now is to get this off your chest and leave. Tyson’s eyes widen when he comes face-to-face with you, surprisingly he doesn’t seem that intoxicated. You suspected he went out, but at this point he could’ve been anywhere.
“You’re still up,” Tyson says, walking past you and flopping down on the couch.
“Yep, and you missed dinner,” you counter, crossing your arms. Tyson simply shrugs his shoulder, clearly not caring enough to explain his absence. “I texted you to make sure you would be here,” you say, even though you know it doesn’t make a difference.
“Yeah, I was busy,” Tyson answers, looking down at his phone.
You almost feel the need to chuckle, to start laughing at his stupid behavior, but this is anything but funny to you, it fucking hurts. “I’m done, Tyson. I’m fucking done,” you say, shaking your head, trying so hard to keep the tears away.
Tyson looks at you with dull eyes, no emotion visible on his face. “Then go to fucking bed, I really can’t deal with your problems right now,” he sighs, turning his head back to the phone in his hand.
Right now, at this moment you know you made the right decision. This isn’t behavior of someone who’s in love, this isn’t even behavior of someone who loves. “You don’t have to deal with me anymore, because I’m leaving. I’m done, we’re done,” you tell him, emphasizing the last part. Tyson’s eyes shoot to yours, the panic clearly written all over his face now.
“No, we’re not. You can’t break up with me, y/n!” he almost shouts at you, standing up from the couch.
“Yes, I can and I will. You don’t get to act like you care all of the sudden, Tyson. You haven’t acted like a boyfriend in months. You haven’t given me any reason to stay, so I won’t. I’m done with whatever this is,” you say, waving between the two of you. Tyson grabs your wrist, tears starting to pool in his eyes. He opens his mouth to say something but you cut him off. “No. No. You don’t get to do this. It’s over. You put on quite a show, but I can’t say it was very entertaining. This curtain fucking closes right now, show is over. You can act like you care, but I know by now that you don’t,” you tell him, ripping your arm out of his grip.
You walk over to the front door, keeping your head high. Now is not the time to break down, your time will come. You hear Tyson behind you, muttering how sorry he is, excuse after excuse leave his mouth. You open the door, turning around one last time to look at Tyson. “Don’t tell me you’re sorry, ‘cause you’re not,” you say while shaking your head. You close the door behind you, not looking back at what you’ve left behind, only looking forward to what’s yet to come.
It’s when you’re in your car mindlessly driving around when you realize you have nowhere to go. You forgot to call Gabe, and it’s probably way too late now. You quickly check the time, 2am, shit that’s late. You doubt he’s still awake, you feel bad for even thinking about waking him up. Two young children, both of them under the age of 2, and being a professional hockey player probably cost him enough energy already, you don’t need to add to that. “He did say I could always call him when I made my decision,” you say out loud, more to convince yourself that it’s okay than anything else.
You easily find Gabe’s contact, immediately pressing the dial button before you change your mind again. The line only rings twice before Gabe picks up. “I’m guessing you either finally broke up with him or there’s a fire somewhere,” Gabe says from the other side of the line. You chuckle, shaking your head. “And since you’re calling me and not the fire department, my guess is on the first one,” Gabe continues, trying to make you smile some more.
“I did it, I broke up with him, couldn’t stand to be there any second longer,” you sigh, brushing your fingers through your hair.
You hear Gabe’s sigh of relief. “I’m proud of you, y/n. I know this isn’t what you had in mind, but it’s better like this, I promise.”
Gabe turned into one of your best friends over time, Melissa is the older sister you never had and you love their children like they’re your own. Gabe and Melissa welcomed you into their family immediately after meeting you. You hadn’t expected to make friends and you definitely didn’t expect to make friends with the captain and his wife, but you’re so grateful you did. The support you receive from them is overwhelming, you couldn’t wish for better friends. So when Gabe first made you this offer, you were thankful he did, although you were still convinced at that point that Tyson would change.
“Uhm, you know.. that offer you made me? Is that still on the table?” you ask, praying he’ll say ‘yes’, praying you don’t have to sleep in some random hotel tonight.
“Of course, the guestroom is already prepared. Melissa expects you to be here as soon as possible, apparently she ‘really needs to cuddle her little sister’,” Gabe chuckles, you can almost hear him rolling his eyes at his wife.
“Thank you, Gabe. I owe you,” you say softly.
“You don’t. You’re family, y/n,” Gabe says, and you know he means every word he just said. Family. “Now get your ass over here, before Melissa starts a search party,” Gabe chuckles, making you laugh some more, because you know she would. You quickly say your goodbyes, promising you’ll be there in a few minutes. It’s just a short drive from your apartment, or Tyson’s apartment now, to Gabe and Mel’s place.
You kept up your appearance, keeping the tears at bay, but the moment you step out of your car and into Gabe’s arms you’re done. “Come here, I’m so sorry,” Gabe says softly, his hands rubbing soothing circles on your back.
You stand there for a few minutes, simply crying on your best friend’s shoulder, until Melissa squeezes herself between the two of you. “Hush, I need some sister time. Why don’t you grab her stuff?” she says, smiling sweetly at her husband.
Gabe sighs dramatically, sending a wink your way. “Whatever you say, wife.”
Melissa pulls you close to her, an arm around your waist, her head resting on your shoulder. “Come on, I’ll show you your room,” she softly says, leading you into the house. You’ve been here so many times already, but never like this. You’ve never been in a situation like this before, you’re not sure how to handle this. “I can hear the wheels turning in your head. It will be okay,” Melissa says, rubbing your arm soothingly. You sigh, shrugging your shoulders, not sure what to say.
Melissa leads you to your room, pushing you down on the bed, while she takes a seat on the edge of the bed. “I know you’re probably exhausted, but do you want to talk?” Melissa asks softly, her face showing nothing but compassion.
You lay back on the bed, staring at the ceiling, thinking about all that has happened. “I don’t even know what to say, Mel. I don’t even know how I feel right now. I’m just so...” you trail off, not knowing the right words to describe everything that you feel and think right now.
“Confused, relieved, mad?”
You sit back up, looking back at Melissa. “All of the above, I guess? It hurts, but I’m glad I did it. But I also regret it, because I love him, you know? I’m mad he didn’t try harder for me, for us,” you say, trying hard to keep the rush of tears away.
Melissa wraps her arms around you, pulling you close to her. “I know, sweetheart. It will take time, but you’re going to be okay.”
You sigh, knowing she’s right, even though it probably will take more time than just ‘some time’. You did just end a long relationship, it will take a lot of patience and time to work through that. “Thank you, Mel. For letting me stay here,” you mumble against Melissa’s shoulder.
“No need for that. You’re my sister, remember?” Melissa smiles at you.
Gabe softly knocks on the door before opening the door. “Brought your bags, thought you might need them before you go to sleep,” he says, smiling at the sight before him. Your friendship might be unconventional, but he couldn’t care less what other people think about it. Gabe absolutely adores the sister bond you and Mel share, he hoped the two of you would get along, so this? Picture perfect.
“Thanks, Gabe,” you smile at him.
“Do you mind if I steal my wife from you?” Gabe asks, making you and Melissa laugh out loud.
“Nope, she’s all yours,” you chuckle, waving at their retreating backs when they walk out of the room.
You strip out of your clothes, pulling on a sweater. You sigh, realizing you packed some of Tyson’s sweaters out of habit. His smell infiltrates your senses, making it damn hard to keep your emotions under control. It’s right this moment you know exactly how you feel. Heartbroken. The realization that your relationship with Tyson is really over doesn’t give you the satisfaction you hoped for, it doesn’t give you peace, it just fucking hurts. You simply feel hollow, even though deep down you know this was the right choice, this was what needed to happen. You know damn well why you feel so empty, you gave your heart to Tyson a long, long time ago, never expecting to be in a situation you might get it back. You don’t want it back, but you might need it back.
You realize it’s morning when the light softly shines into your room. You sigh, knowing damn well you’re lucky if you slept more than an hour this night. Rolling over you look at the clock on the wall, 9 am, perfect. Deciding it won’t do you any good if you stay in bed any longer, you force yourself out of bed and into the shower. The hot water warms your cold skin, soothing your sore muscles. All the twisting and turning you did all night surely didn’t help the way you feel right now. Why couldn’t life be a bit easier by simply letting the shower wash away all of your hurt, all of your pain? A fresh start, a clean slate.
You slip on some skinny jeans and a soft sweater, not in the mood to even think about doing your makeup. You dry your hair, before making a quick ponytail out of it. You walk down stairs, the chatter and laughter greeting you as soon as you walk into the kitchen. “Morning, guys,” you say, smiling at all the happy faces before you. A round of greetings sound throughout the room.
“How’d you sleep?” Gabe asks you as soon as you sit down next to him with a bowl of cereal.
“Can’t even tell you, suddenly it was 9 am,” you chuckle, shrugging your shoulders at Gabe’s raised eyebrow. “Do you have any idea where my phone is?” you ask Gabe, knowing he grabbed all your stuff out of your car.
“Uhh, I do, but I don’t know if you really want to look at it,” Gabe says, scratching the back of his head before pointing towards the kitchen counter. It’s your turn to raise your eyebrows, walking over to where Gabe’s pointing at.
You unlock your phone, quickly checking your notifications. “Oh damn,” you mutter, looking at the absurd amount of missed calls and messages left by none other than Tyson himself.
You sit back down next to Gabe, dropping your head on your arms. “What do I do now, Gabe?” you groan. “Why does he care all of the sudden?”
Gabe rubs his hand over your back before answering your question. “Because he lost you, y/n. He never thought he would.” You turn your head towards Gabe letting his words sink in.
Gabe gets ready to leave for practice shortly after you settle on the couch with Lucas in your arms. The little man has a fascination with your hair, maybe it’s all babies who have that, but you like to think that you’re special. “Don’t pull out all y/n’s hair, baby boy,” Gabe chuckles, giving his boy a soft kiss on his head. He gives you a kiss on your cheek, softly squeezing your shoulder. You open your mouth to say something, but Gabe cuts you off. “I know what you’re thinking. Don’t worry about it, I’m his captain, but I’m your friend, okay? Just relax, make sure Lucas doesn’t puke on you and go do whatever it is that you women do all day,” Gabe chuckles, knowing you better than you know yourself. You mouth a quick ‘thank you’ to him, wishing him good luck with practice before he runs through the house trying to find his girls to kiss them goodbye.
“Your daddy is a good guy, you know that, Lucas?” you smile at the baby on your lap. Lucas coos, his hands grabbing onto the strands of your hair. “Your daddy and mommy make me feel so loved, even though their children like to see me in pain,” you joke, trying to free your hair from Lucas’s small hands. “Buddy, you’re way stronger than you look,” you mumble, when Lucas pulls on your hair again.
Melissa laughs out loud the moment she walks into the living room. “How many times did I tell you that you need to keep your hair away from him and his grabby hands?” she says, expertly freeing your hair from her son’s fists.
“Apparently not enough times,” you chuckle at her. Melissa joins you on the couch, while Linnea Rae plays on the ground with some of her toys, happily showing you what she got every now and then. It’s times like this that you’re extra grateful for Melissa and Gabe, the way they welcomed you into their family has been nothing but perfect.
“So, what’s going through that pretty head of yours?” Melissa asks, while scrolling through series to watch on Netflix.
You shrug your shoulders. “I don’t know, I’m kind of worried about practice, I think? I don’t want to put Gabe in this position,” you say, keeping your eyes on Lucas.
“You know Gabe would do anything for you, huh? You don’t know how many times he came home utterly frustrated by the way Tyson treated you. He never said anything, because you were still with him, I can’t promise you he will stay quiet this time,” Melissa says, squeezing your shoulder. “He’ll be fine, this isn’t Gabe’s first rodeo.”
You look at Melissa, who simply gives you a wink. “I know, I know. I just don’t want him to get in trouble or anything,” you say, smiling back at her. You trust and know Gabe, so hopefully there won’t be a lot of trouble today.
“If he does though, he probably deserves it.”
Gabe surprises you all with some takeaway when he gets home from practice. It’s been nice eating with other people for change, it’s been way too long. The amount of lonely dinners has been through the roof lately. Gabe nudges you with his elbow, causing you to look up at him. “No frowning at the table.”
Melissa rolls her eyes at her husband while you just stick out your tongue at him. “Sure, dad,” you say, causing Melissa to almost choke on her bite of food before she lets out a loud laugh.
“Yeah, dad. Leave us alone,” Melissa laughs, winking at her husband. Gabe shakes his head at you and Melissa, a grin plastered on his face.
It’s during dessert you find the courage to ask about Tyson. You weren’t sure if you needed to ask Gabe, you weren’t even sure if you wanted to know anything, but now you know you do. “So, did anything happen during practice?” you ask him, playing around with your spoon.
Gabe shakes his head, giving you a small smile. “Not much, just some chirping. Told him I’m his captain and he needs to fucking focus on practice. That seemed to do the trick,” Gabe says, shrugging his shoulders, continuing to eat his dessert.
You look across the table at Melissa who has the same expression on her face as you. Not convincing at all. ‘Sure,’ Melissa mouths at you from across the table. You shake your head at her, furrowing your eyebrows at Gabe’s statement. ‘Nope,’ you mouth back at her, finishing your dessert. You decide to let it go, you don’t even know why you care so much. You shouldn’t, right? You broke things off with Tyson, so why do you care so much what he does and thinks? The answer to that question is pretty simple the longer you think about it. Because you still love him, that’s why.
You thank everyone for dinner and dessert, promising to cook something from them later this week. Right now all you can think about is your bed and a decent night of sleep. God, that sounds like a true dream right now. You strip out of your clothes, crawling into the soft and cozy bed. It doesn’t take long before you fall asleep, showing just how exhausted you truly are.
The weeks that follow are filled with all kinds of activities, the 5 of you falling back into a comfortable rhythm, surprising you considering the situation you’re in. It isn’t every day you take in the ex-girlfriend of one of your teammates, or your best friend, whatever way you want to see things. When you aren’t working you spend a lot of time with the kids, trying to make things easier for Melissa and Gabe whenever they are busy or simply need some time for the two of them. You happily take on some of their care, even if it’s as simple as making sure they get their food in time. Honestly they are two of the sweetest children you’ve ever come across, they always find ways to make you laugh, even though most of the time it isn’t on purpose.
It’s been quiet around the house tonight, Melissa went out with a few of her friends, while she left Gabe and the kids with you. Apparently she needed some ‘alone time’ which didn’t include kids, and definitely didn’t include Gabe after he mentioned he wanted some ‘alone time’ with her as well. You love their friendly bickering, the love they have for each other visible in everything they do. So when Melissa gave her husband a dirty look and flipped him the bird the only logical thing to do was to start laughing at their exchange. “Have fun with them, sweetheart!” Melissa had yelled at you when she walked through the door, leaving the four of you behind.
Together you decide to just have a movie night. It’s late enough for both children to be asleep already, yet early enough to squeeze in a full size movie marathon. “Gladiatorrrrr!” Gabe exclaims excitedly while scrolling through the movie selection on Netflix, pausing on his all-time favorite movie.
You groan, covering your face with your hands. “Please no, have mercy, Gabe,” you laugh, knowing damn well you’re going to sit through this movie again. How many times has it been already? 12? You wouldn’t even be surprised. This dude really loves his movie. You look at Gabe from between your fingers, seeing the look on his face which makes you groan even more. “Fineeee, one more time, Gabe. One more time,” you whine at him, secretly enjoying his taste in movies, something you don’t plan on telling him ever.
It’s a little after 10pm when the doorbell rings. You look at Gabe, who looks just as surprised as you are. “It’s a bit early for Mel, don’t you think?” Gabe asks, furrowing his eyebrows.
“Definitely, unless she drank the whole bottle of champagne again,” you chuckle, thinking back at one of the craziest parties you’ve ever been to with Mel and Gabe.
“Oh God, please don’t remind me of that,” Gabe shudders at the memory of that night, standing up to see who’s on the other side of the door.
Gabe hates to say that he isn’t surprised to see Tyson’s face as soon as he opens the door. Honestly he had expected him at his door days, maybe even weeks ago. The moment Tyson found out you were staying with Gabe he broke, Gabe expected him to fight, to yell, to scream, he expected him to do anything except cry. Which is exactly what Tyson did, breaking down in the middle of practice. For a moment the whole place went quiet, only Tyson’s cries echoing throughout the building. No one knew how to act, no one knew what to do, until Gabe realized he’s the captain for a reason. On and off the ice. It was a weird experience, one Gabe still feels extremely conflicted about. He comforted his teammate, his friend, while his other friend was at his home, utterly heartbroken, trying to get over the guy who was bawling his eyes out on the ice.
After Tyson got over the initial shock the anger took over, just as Gabe expected. It made him almost drop the gloves, something he tried to avoid, not wanting to hurt Tyson. He let him say his things, things that absolutely didn’t make any sense, until he got everything out of his system. “Now can we continue this fucking practice, Jost?” Gabe told him after everything calmed down. Gabe tried to avoid the Tyson/y/n topic as much as possible after that, not wanting to get in the middle of things more than he already was. Until tonight apparently.
Gabe raises an eyebrow at the boy before him. “Why are you here, Tyson?” Gabe sighs, already knowing the answer to that question.
Tyson looks around, eyes flickering from left to right, clearly uncomfortable being here. “I, uh, can I talk to y/n? I know she’s here,” Tyson asks, scratching the back of his head before putting them back in his pockets.
Gabe shakes his head at him. “You can’t, if she wants to talk to you she will find a way to contact you. As long as you don’t get your shit together and prove to me, but most of all to her, that you’ve changed, I won’t let you anywhere near her,” Gabe declares, starting to get annoyed with the way Tyson acts. There’s no way he lets him close to you until you feel like you’re ready to see him again, no way.
Tyson opens his mouth, but Gabe gives him a look that immediately shuts him up again. “I’m saying this as your captain, and definitely not as your friend right now. Go home and leave her the fuck alone. You had your chance, you fucked up and now you have to deal with the consequences. How you deal with those said consequences is up to you, but I suggest you leave now and think about everything you did and didn’t do, okay?” Tyson nods his head, turning around to walk back to his car.
When he’s a few steps away from his car he turns around, smiling sadly at Gabe. “She’s my home, Gabe. Home doesn’t feel the same without her. You out of all people should understand that.”
Gabe chuckles low, shaking his head at his clueless teammate. “I do. I do know what home feels like, but I never, never choose anyone or anything over my ‘home’. Never. You sure as hell did, time after time,” Gabe says frustratedly, before shutting the door, leaving behind an even more frustrated Tyson.
You didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but you caught the sound of Tyson’s voice when you walked to the kitchen, grabbing some more popcorn. You didn’t mean to listen to their conversation, but it felt like you were glued to your place, unable to take another step, unable to do anything but listen.
Gabe walks back into the room, the look on your face immediately letting him know you know. “How much did you hear?” he asks softly, approaching you slowly.
“Enough,” you whisper, before breaking down, no longer able to keep the tears locked away, no longer able to keep your emotions to yourself.
With two steps Gabe is in front of you, grabbing the bowl of popcorn you held onto between your trembling fingers. He guides you back to the couch, urging you to sit down, which is a true challenge for someone who can barely feel the ground they walk on. Gabe wraps his arms around you the moment you sit down, allowing you to cry onto his shoulder as much as you want and need. He whispers sweet nothings while softly brushing your hair out of your face, making sure you have room to breath. Time after time Gabe proves what kind of friend he is, always making sure to be there for you when he’s needed, always doing things with the best intentions. Even if it’s just holding you until you calm down, even if it’s just speaking the truth against Tyson, even if it’s just simply being there for one another.
“Sooner or later he would’ve realized what he lost, what he gave up for an evening of clubbing or God knows what. Apparently it’s sooner rather than later, however make sure you make him work for it, if you ever decide you want to give the two of you another chance,” Gabe softly advises you, when you finally calmed down a bit.
“I will, you know I love him, Gabe. But I don’t know if I should?” you mumble, not sure if it’s a question Gabe has the answer to.
“Sometimes the heart wants what it wants. If he’s serious about you, he will work his ass off to earn back your love and trust, I promise you,” Gabe comforts you, after knowing Tyson for so long he’s positive he knows that Tyson goes above and beyond to get what he wants in life.
Maybe it’s Gabe’s comforting words, maybe it’s knowing deep down Tyson still cares, maybe it’s your own strength, but for the first time in a while you feel a tiny flicker of hope, a little bit of light at the end of the dark tunnel. Maybe, just maybe this was all worth it, maybe this is what needed to happen to get better and move forward. Maybe this is how it was supposed to go.
It’s a weird feeling, knowing your ex still cares about you, but also knowing you aren’t ready to let him back into your life like that. You don’t feel like you’re capable of seeing him yet, let alone talk to him. The need to know how he’s doing, how he’s holding up grows, but also confuses you. It’s simply a weird and confusing situation to be in. Choosing between two, maybe even more ways to handle this, while also waiting for Tyson to make a move, which he obviously can’t since you don’t want to see him or speak to him, is a hard task. A task that will require a lot of thinking. You just need a bit more time to gather your thoughts, give all of your confusing feelings a place, while making sure you put yourself first, you need to put yourself first this time.
So when Gabe invites you to one of his home games a few weeks later you say ‘yes’ right away. It seems like the perfect time and place to see Tyson from a distance again, without putting too much stress on yourself, you can just watch and enjoy the game, you don’t have to force anything. Of course your seats turned out to be way closer to the ice than you expected them to be, although... what did you exactly expect with Gabe? You know he’s been talking to both of you, kind of acting like some sort of messenger. He tried to keep it casual, just slipping in some information during a conversation, but you noticed what he was trying to do. Frankly you’re thankful for his meddling.
Steadily your heart starts to beat faster and faster the more players appear on the ice to warm up. When Gabe appears you aren’t surprised to see Tyson close to him, knowing Gabe they probably had a little chat before they went on the ice. Tyson’s eyes shoot to yours the moment he’s close by, completely forgetting the ability to skate. You gasp when he lands on his ass on the ice, earning himself a round of laughter from the people around him, including Melissa and you. Gabe skates over to him, extending his hand and helping him upright again, but not before clearly telling him he’s ‘a dumbass’. Now that’s something you can agree on.
You know Tyson has something up his sleeve when he skates off to the bench, clearly busying himself with something you can’t see. After a few more stolen glances at each other Tyson skates closer and closer to you, until he’s right in front of the glass. His left hand catches your attention, until he gives you a small and almost shy smile. “Look at him, he’s blushing!” Melissa whispers next to you. You shoot her a quick ‘shut up’ look, before you focus your attention back on Tyson.
Tyson shows you the puck in his gloved hand, mouthing to you to catch it. It takes him two tries before the puck lands on the other side of the glass, safely in your hands. Tyson gives you one last quick smile before he skates off to get ready for the game. Melissa nudges you softly, bringing you back from your thoughts. “So, what’s on there?” she asks, knowing damn well you haven’t even checked.
“I don’t know if I want to look, Mel,” you tell her honestly. Melissa gives you a sad smile, throwing her arm around your shoulders.
“Let’s look together?” she suggests. You don’t know why you’re so nervous, how much can you actually write on a puck? He seemed happy to see you, so there’s no need to be nervous that it’s a bad thing. You look at the puck, turning it around in your hands so you can read the whole thing. ‘Talk after the game?’ is written on the puck, you immediately recognize Tyson’s handwriting and his little smiley face, or.. something that should resemble a smiley face.
“That wasn’t that bad, right?” Melissa asks softly, squeezing your shoulder.
“What if I’m not ready?” you ask her, a question that has been on your mind a lot lately.
“Then you take a step back, you don’t have to prove yourself to anyone, you don’t have any obligations. But he’s trying, y/n. You’ve heard all of Gabe’s stories, you’ve seen it yourself just now. It can’t hurt to at least talk to him.” You think about Melissa’s words, she does have a point there. Talking is something you should’ve done ages ago, or at least Tyson should’ve done that. So this is progress, he’s at least trying this time, that’s more than he used to do.
It’s hard to keep the smile off your face, you can’t even pinpoint why exactly you’re smiling. Whatever the reason is, it’s a good feeling to smile again. The game sure as hell plays a big part in it, the guys are on fire, scoring goal after goal, never giving the puck away for long. There’s barely any time for you to give Tyson a thumbs up, indicating you’re up for a talk after the game. Whenever you look at Tyson when he’s off the ice he’s smiling, whether it is to himself or to one of his teammates, that smile won’t leave his face.
You follow Melissa down to the locker room after the game is over. You’ve done this so many times, but this time it couldn’t be more different. You greet all the girls who are patiently waiting on their man, getting enough comforting words from them to last you a lifetime. When the door to the locker room opens you come face-to-face with Mikko, someone you haven’t seen in a while. Mikko’s face lights up when he spots you outside the locker room. “y/n! I haven’t seen you in so long,” he says, while hugging you tightly.
“I missed you too, goof. It’s great to see you,” you smile at him, wiggling out of his iron grip. Dude’s definitely stronger than he looks.
“Between you and me, Tyson’s a good kid, he just needed to grow up a bit,” Mikko whispers against your ear, before leaving you alone again.
You raise your eyebrow at Melissa, who just shrugs her shoulders. Weird. After a few more minutes Gabe and Tyson appear in front of you, both of them joking around. Tyson nervously looks around, not sure if he should come any closer. Gabe hugs you swiftly before throwing his arm around his wife’s shoulders. “Make sure you bring her home safely, Jost,” Gabe warns him, before quickly saying goodbye to both of you.
You watch them leave, your mouth agape by the way they just left you here. Rude. “Did they just really do that?” you ask no one in particular, still shocked by their actions.
You turn around, looking back at Tyson, who still appears to be nervous. Is he nervous to talk to you? Why would he be nervous? It’s just you. “Hi there,” you smile, looking up at the man in front of you.
“Hi beautiful, it was nice seeing you tonight,” Tyson softly says, giving you a small smile.
Your insides flutter with his use of words, it’s nice hearing them even though you’re not completely sure if he means them the way you hope he does. “It was. You played great, I had a lot of fun,” you say, smiling at the proud look that crosses Tyson’s face for a moment.
Tyson leads you back to the rink, which is now completely deserted, thinking it would be a nice place to chat. For a while the two of you fall back into small talk, ‘how’s life?’, ‘how’s work?’, all that bullshit. You know Tyson and you are avoiding the actual topic that needs to be discussed, or topics? Whatever it is, there’s a lot to talk about. “I missed it here, I forgot how much I loved being here,” you tell Tyson, looking at the lights that lighten up the place, thinking back at the memories full of fun and happiness you both created here.
“I missed you, baby,” Tyson blurts out, completely catching you off guard.
Your eyes shoot back to his, you feel the panic rising inside your body. “Tyson...,” you start, warning him he’s walking on thin ice here.
Tyson’s face falls a bit, seeing the anxious look on your face. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that,” Tyson groans, rubbing his face harshly, utterly frustrated with himself and the situation.
It’s quiet for a minute, both of you completely lost in thoughts. “Why is this so hard? We used to be able to talk about anything and everything. What changed, y/n?” Tyson wonders out loud.
You feel a painful pang in your heart, because you know damn well what changed. “You did, Tyson. You changed,” you almost whisper, the truth behind those words more clear than ever before.
You watch as Tyson’s whole composure changes in the blink of an eye, in just a split second he goes from the ‘happy’ guy to the guy who’s just as heartbroken as you are. “I did, didn’t I?” Tyson whispers, the tears pooling in his eyes. “I fucked this up, how could I be so stupid?” he mumbles, burying in face in his hands. “I’m so sorry, I regret this more than I could ever admit to you. I’m so sorry, baby,” Tyson cries, trying to keep his eyes focused on you. It’s hard to keep your own tears at bay when the guy you love so much has a breakdown in front of you, so you don’t. You just let them fall.
You don’t make a move to comfort him, you do give him room to let it all out, give him time to gather his composure again. “I looked through the box, the one you left on our bed?” Tyson says, his voice still broken, still thick with emotion. You nod your head, it was something you hoped he would do. “I had no idea you kept all of that throughout the years,” Tyson smiles weakly at you. “It made me realize what a moron I have been these past few months, maybe even longer,” he continues, shaking his head in disappointment. You listen intently at him, this, this is what you hoped for all this time: realization.
“I’m not telling you that you weren’t a moron, because you absolutely were. But I’m glad you came to the same conclusion.”
Tyson chuckles at your statement, giving you half a smile. “I know, I’m a dumbass. I’m a dumbass for acting this way and a dumbass for letting you go. Any guy would be on top of the world with you by his side, and I just let you slip through my fingers,” Tyson tells you, finally showing he knows he’s been a fool all this time, he knows he let something special go.
“Is it too late for us? Can you give us another chance?” Tysons asks you, his eyes flickering between you and the ground.
You sigh softly, knowing this question would come. It’s something you gave a lot of thought, something that crossed your mind daily. “I don’t know, Tyson. I really don’t know. You really fucking hurt me, you know? I can’t just look past that, I need to heal from that,” you tell him. Tyson nods his head, a guilty expression on his face. “You made me feel worthless every single day. You didn’t even give me a second of your time day after day. All you cared about was being away. Being away from me?”
It’s right that moment Tyson interrupts you by grabbing your hands. “No. No. That’s not true, you need to believe me,” he tells you as fast as he can.
“But how can I believe you when you never gave me a reason to? Your actions showed me exactly that, Tyson. I need answers, I need to know why,” you exclaim, starting to panic again, your anxiety taking over.
“Easy, baby. I’ll tell you everything you want to know, everything you want, but right now I need you to breath. Breathe, baby,” Tyson says softly, trying to calm your shallow breathing back down to normal. “Listen to my breathing, try to follow the way I breathe.” You do as he says, following the rise and fall of his chest, gaining back control of your own breathing.
“I’m sorry,” you apologize, while Tyson just shakes his head at you, letting you know it’s okay. “Can you take me home, Ty? We can talk later, okay?” you ask him, suddenly feeling the need to crawl underneath the covers of your bed and just simply sleep for a while.
“Anything you want, y/n,” Tyson says, leading you out of the room and back to his car. You’re pretty sure he mumbled something under his breath, something very closely resembling ‘your home isn’t there, it’s with me’.
The drive to Gabe takes longer than expected, giving you more time to think about Tyson’s earlier question. You still need and want to know how he spent his nights, where he spent his nights, and why he acted like you didn’t exist. That conversation might need to wait until another day, you aren’t up for any more information, any more realizations, you still need to process everything you heard, saw and felt today.
Tyson stops the car in front of Gabe’s house, looking back at you with hopeful eyes. You know he still hopes he gets an answer to his earlier question, and you want to give him at least that. “You need to show me you changed, Tyson. Show me you changed for real and I’ll try to get past everything that happened. I can’t promise you anything,” you tell him softly, meaning everything you just said.
Tyson nods his head, a smile of relief on his lips. “I will, I promise you I will show you I changed and that you’re everything to me. I promise, baby.”
So that’s exactly what Tyson does the next few weeks, every free moment he tries to show you just how much you mean to him, without smothering you. Whether it’s taking you out for dinner, although you’re still waiting for Tyson to actually make you dinner by himself one day, to small coffee dates and fresh flowers at work. It’s been a lot to process, a lot of adjusting to this ‘new’ Tyson, or rather seeing the ‘old’ Tyson again. And you missed him, God you missed him so much.
Tyson seems happier, more at peace with himself these days, it’s a pleasant change. Often you wondered what was really going on inside his head, but you stopped trying after he waved it off again, and again, and again. The late night phone calls, or facetiming during road trips have become a habit again, something you didn’t think you would ever experience again with him. You still take things slow with Tyson, deciding to rather allow yourself to slowly start trusting him again than diving head first into a relationship again. Maybe it will never come that far again, you don’t know how the future will look like for the two of you, but for now it’s enough.
You come face-to-face with a smirking Melissa when you get home from yet another ‘iced coffee and donut’ date, even though you’re pretty sure Tyson isn’t allowed to eat any donuts. “Oh no,” you groan at Melissa’s expression.
“It’s time we have a little sister-sister conversation, don’t you think?” she asks you, ushering you into the living room.
“Do we?” you groan again, not in the mood to handle whatever Melissa wants to talk about now, because you already know it’s either about you, Tyson or you and Tyson.
Melissa flops down on the couch, patting the place next to her, indicating for you to sit your ass down. “Did you already talk to him about it?” she asks, straight to point in pure Melissa-style.
You let your head fall back against the cushions, sighing loudly. “I didn’t. We’re doing great, we’re having fun. I’m going to ruin it if I start asking questions again.”
Melissa stays quiet for a minute, trying to figure out the right way to approach this sensitive topic. “You know you deserve the truth, right? You can’t rebuild a relationship when not everything’s on the table, sweetheart,” Melissa says softly, knowing you’re struggling with this.
“I promise I’ll talk to him after the road trip, I don’t want to create any unnecessary negative energy before,” you promise Melissa, although she gives you a ‘who are you trying to fool here’ look before switching topics.
A few days later you find yourself back at Tyson’s place. It’s weird being here, knowing you don’t live here anymore. Nothing changed, absolutely nothing, Tyson kept everything the way you did, whether it’s out of laziness or out of hope you’ll come back on day. Either way it’s weird coming back to a place that’s no longer your home. You came here to talk, nothing more nothing less. You promised Mel you would, and if you’re being honest with yourself it’s time to know the truth, time to reopen old wounds and finally get some answers. You’ve grown closer and closer to Tyson, without knowing everything, without knowing you’d be able to forgive him if he ever made a misstep. It’s time.
Tyson has been a nervous wreck ever since you called him last night after he returned from the road trip to St. Louis. He knew this was coming, but he prayed you would simply forget, even though he knows that’s not fair at all. He can’t excuse his behavior, and he won’t, not anymore. You deserve nothing but the truth, the full truth. He’s not proud of it, but you leaving him opened his eyes, showed him he really needed to change. Tyson feels like that’s something he truly did, he changed for the better, he can only hope you’ll feel the same way. He can only hope you’re still on the same path after tonight.
“You did great these last games, Ty,” you smile at him. You’re proud of the way he’s been performing these last couple of games, he really stepped up his game.
“I know you didn’t come here to talk about my performances on the ice, so can we please skip the pleasantries?” Tyson sighs, catching you completely off guard with his rather harsh approach. “Fuck, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it that way, I’ve just been so fucking nervous since you called me,” Tyson curses, frustratedly brushing his fingers through his curls.
“You’re right though, I did come to talk. I think it’s time we lay all our cards on the table,” you tell him, nodding at your own answer.
You nervously bite on your lip, playing with the cup of water in your hand. It isn’t every day you ask your ex these questions. Questions you want the answers to, question you maybe don’t even want to hear the answers of. “I need to know if you cheated on me, Ty,” you blurt out, keeping your eyes on the ground, not wanting to see the look on Tyson’s face.
“Look at me, baby,” Tyson says, urging you to look up at him. “I never cheated on you, I wouldn’t do that to you. I promise.”
You shake your head at him, not knowing what to do with these emotions surging through your body. “It doesn’t make sense, Ty. Where were you all those nights? Where were you every time I lay in bed alone waiting for my boyfriend to come home? Waiting if he actually comes home this time or stays out all night again? Where were you?” At this point you’re past the civil conversations, past the friendly banter, you need answers, you need to know why he did what he did. The reason doesn’t even matter at this point, you need to know why. Why did he leave you alone so many nights, worrying about his well being, worrying about if he would come home at some point?
“Fuck, y/n! I know I fucked up, I know I did. But I swear on everything, I swear on my career, I swear on you that I never, never, touched another woman. I never kissed another woman, I never even danced with another woman, I did not cheat on you,” Tyson exclaims, hoping, praying you hear what he’s saying, that you’ll believe him. He didn’t do anything with another person, it was always you, it still is only you and he’ll do everything in his power to prove that to you every damn day.
“Then where were you, Ty? If you weren’t with another woman, then where the fuck were you every night you didn’t came home? Please enlighten me, because I’m so lost, so fucking lost,” you say, feeling utterly frustrated with yourself, with Tyson, with this shitty situation.
Tyson takes a deep breath, placing his cup back on the table. “Shitfaced drunk to the point I couldn’t even remember my own name, or so stoned I saw freaking elephants running all around town. Spending my money on unnecessary shit at clubs and bars, all to forget, trying to forget the fact that I had a perfect girlfriend waiting for me at home, while I did stupid shit. Fuck, this sounds even worse out loud than in my head,” Tyson groans, burying his face in his hands.
“But...,” you start, before Tyson cuts you off.
“I felt ashamed and guilty, y/n. Ashamed I let it get that far every time, guilty I didn’t tell you, guilty I didn’t come home again. One of the guys would just take me back to their place out of sympathy, letting me crash on their couch, trying to sleep off my haze.”
You try to come up with words to say, with anything but nothing comes out, you just feel.. empty? “I don’t understand, Tyson,” you say, at this point not even sure what you don’t understand.
“I tried, y/n. I tried to just come clean, but I couldn’t when you were so nice all the time, I couldn’t when I knew you would hate it, hate me. You know I’m a fucking lightweight, that makes it even worse. But those are no excuses, there aren’t any. I fucked up,” Tyson sighs, giving you a sad smile, “I couldn’t face you, I didn’t know how to show you my vulnerable side without letting it change the way you saw me. I didn’t want you to see me any different, but I didn’t notice I changed until you packed your bags and left me standing in the doorway.”
You’re absolutely speechless, there are so many things you want to say but you can’t form any sentences, any words. You just stare at him, your mind racing with an unlimited amount of thoughts. “Are you okay, baby?” Tyson asks softly, reaching out to put his hand on your arm.
You shake your head from side to side, wiping away the tears that spilled out. “I’m not okay, I’m definitely not okay,” you tell him. “I feel terrible knowing you didn’t feel like you could come to me, like you couldn’t talk to me. I’ve always been your biggest supporter, nothing would’ve changed that, Ty.”
Tyson gently wipes the tears away from underneath your eyes, scooting closer to where you’re seated. “Come here, baby,” he softly says, opening his arms for you. You hesitate for a second, not knowing if this is the right thing to do. Fuck the right thing, you definitely need a hug right now, and judging by Tyson’s facial expression he needs one as well. You lean forward, putting your arms around his neck, breathing in the familiar scent of his body. How long has it been since you hugged each other? You can’t even remember, way too long. Tyson closes his arms around you, pulling you as close as possible to his own body.
“I missed this, Ty. I missed you,” you confess, the feeling of his arms around you, the feeling of Tyson, bringing back so many memories, so many happier times.
“I know we still have a long way to go, but I hope we’ll do this together. I can’t even tell you how great it feels to have my arms around you again, even if it’s just for a moment,” Tyson says, after you both let go of each other.
“We do, but I’m in if you’re in, Ty,” you agree, wanting nothing more than to work through the issues you still have. It’s time to forgive, time to let go, time to change and time to move on.
“I’m all in.”
The talk you had with Tyson that Wednesday evening did wonders for the both of you. You still had a long way to go before you were even remotely close to where you used to be with Tyson, but the most important thing was that you were working on things. Slowly, but steadily the two of you worked on trusting each other again, telling each other important things again, just simply working on being in a healthy relationship again. Although the word never came up, you were nowhere near ready for that commitment, so you settled on something less intimidating. Friends.
It was supposed to be a regular, normal Friday evening with just Melissa and the kids. Gabe and Tyson were playing one of their most important games this season, both of them begged you to come, but it was too late to find a babysitter. Not wanting to be by yourself there and leaving Mel alone, you decided to sit this one out as well, promising to cheer them on in front of the tv. It’s the least you could do. So there you are, seated on the couch wearing your Jost jersey for the very first time again, just as you promised. Weird, like nothing ever changed, even though the exact opposite is true.
You’re bouncing a giggling Linnea Rae on your knee, looking down at her adorable mini jersey. “Look it’s your daddy!” you exclaim excitedly, pointing at the closeup shot of Gabe.
“Daddy!” Linnea Rae giggles just as excited.
You catch Mel softly smiling at your little interaction with her daughter, enjoying the love you share for each other. It’s been a blessing to have you around here, the way you care for her children, but also for her and her husband has been phenomenal. Mel couldn’t wish for a better friend, for a better sister than you.
“Oh no,” you whisper when Tyson gets slammed hard into the glass. Melissa grabs your hand, squeezing softly.
“He’s going to be fine, he’s a tough guy,” she says, trying her best to comfort you. And he is, like the tough guy Tyson is, he gets up again, shaking off the hard hit. The game continues and you’re glad Tyson is fine, skating like he didn’t just get squeezed between a glass wall and a 200 pound hockey player.
All goes well until Gabe decides the best place to smack his stick is directly against Tyson’s face, again. “Not his face, Gabe! Not his fucking face again!” you yell at the screen, thanking Mel for already putting the kids to sleep.
“Shit, that looks bad,” Melissa almost whispers, squeezing your hand again.
You don’t know many things for sure in life, but you sure as hell know Tyson will be spotting a black eye for weeks. But like the tough guy he already proved to be, he just goes on with the game, trying his absolute best to work as hard as he can, giving himself completely to the game, anything to get his team the victory.
“That’s the second time you gave my man a black eye, Gabe. Why do you keep hurting him?” you whine the second Gabe walks into the living room. For a moment the room stays awfully quiet, until you realize what you just said. “I really said that, huh?” you ask, fighting to keep the smile off your face.
“You sure did. But I’m sorry, it was an accident. Again,” Gabe chuckles, shrugging his shoulders.
“Uhu, again,” you say, rolling your eyes at your best friend.
Gabe grins at you, flopping down on the couch next to Mel. “I’ll try not to hurt his pretty face again, okay?” Gabe laughs, shaking his head at you in a playful way.
“Is it weird if I, you know.. went over to check up on him?” you ask your friends, suddenly insecure about the thought of just showing up at his door.
Gabe gives you a soft smile. “I’m absolutely convinced he’d love that, y/n,” Gabe says, pulling Melissa closer to him.
“I know he would, sis,” Melissa agrees with her husband.
“Fine, okay. I’ll be back in a few. Don’t enjoy yourself too much,” you tell the two lovebirds before finding your stuff and almost running out of the front door.
You’re giddy the entire drive to Tyson’s apartment. This could go two ways, either it goes extremely well or this backfires completely. You’re hoping for the first one. Seeing Tyson get hurt gave you some realizations. One of them is that you absolutely hate to see him hurt, and you want nothing more than to be there for him, care for him, to tell him everything will be alright. Which brings you to your second discovery of the evening: you still love him, you’re still completely and utterly in love with Tyson. You can’t, really can’t imagine your life without Tyson in it. It’s your turn to tell him you need him, tell him you don’t want to do anything without him, tell him you still see a future together.
You pick up his favorite comfort food on the way over, cake. You know his nutritionist will hate you for this, but he deserves a treat after taking a stick to the face. You chuckle to yourself when you think of the small cake you bought, it’s stupid and childish, but you love it. The fun you already had makes it absolutely worth it. You park in front of the building, hopping out of the car and quickly making your way over to the floor Tyson occupies.
You rummage around in your coat pocket for the lighter you bought alongside the cake. Quickly placing the cover back into the bag, and lighting up the ‘2’ shaped candle. You snicker to yourself, enjoying this way too much. You knock on the door and patiently wait for Tyson to open up. You hear Tyson approaching, making it harder and harder to keep your composure.
The moment he opens the door his face shifts from slight annoyance, to confused, to happy, and back to confused again. “y/n?” he asks softly, looking between you and the cake, confusion clearly written all over his face.
“Happy second black eye!” you yell, before bursting out in laughter.
Tyson can’t help but join you in your laughter, if there’s one thing he loves about you, it’s your wicked sense of humor. “You really are something special, aren’t you?” Tyson chuckles, shaking his head softly at you, a smile playing on his lips.
“You tell me, Jost,” you say, giving him a wink before walking past him and inside his apartment.
“So you bought me a cake?” Tyson asks you, looking over your shoulder to the cake on his kitchen counter.
“I sure did, thought you’d deserved a treat after what Gabe did to you, again,” you laugh.
“He sure likes to hit me in the face with things. But thank you, this really means a lot to me, baby,” Tyson softly says, squeezing your hip with one of his hands, before grabbing two plates. While Tyson cuts the cake you look for something to drink, deciding water will do for the night.
You flop down on the couch next to Tyson, immediately bringing the fork with a piece of cake to your mouth. “Oh God, that’s so good,” you moan out, you picked some killer cake.
“Don’t make those noises, please,” Tyson groans, stuffing his face with cake.
“I’m sorry I picked such a good freaking cake, mister,” you laugh, nudging him with your foot. Tyson rolls his eyes playfully at you, grabbing your foot with his free hand before you can nudge him again and again.
“Movie?” Tyson asks after you both finished your plates, although Tyson finished the last few bites of your piece. Like he said he’s a needy and hungry man.
“Sure, but just something light and funny, Ty. Nothing dark,” you tell him, knowing he’d love to scare you throughout some horror movie.
While Tyson scrolls through the movies, you make yourself more comfortable on the couch, laying back against the cushions with your feet against Tyson. He looks at you, scanning your body, clearly thinking about something since his eyebrows keep furrowing and relaxing.
“Come here, Tyson,” you softly say when he finally picks a movie to watch, opening your arms for him. His eyes shoot to yours, like he can’t actually believe you just told him that. He gives you a quick smile, before moving towards you, laying down beside you.
He rests his head against your chest, just like he used to do so long ago, his arm wrapped around your waist. “Is this okay?” he asks you, making sure you aren’t uncomfortable, even though you’re the one who suggested this.
“It’s perfect, Ty,” you reassure him.
Halfway through the movie you can’t resist the temptation to run your fingers through his curls any longer. Tyson groans softly when your nails rake over his scalp, sending chill through your body. “That’s so good, please never stop doing that,” he groans out, pulling you tighter against him.
“I wasn’t planning on it, Ty,” you tell him, smiling at the way his eyes shoot to yours.
“You aren’t? Are you serious?” he asks you quietly, eyes still locked on yours.
“I am, love. I came to the conclusion that you’re worth all the risks in life. You’re my light, my guiding light in darkness, my light at the end of the tunnel,” you say, leaving a soft kiss on his forehead. You try to express your emotions towards Tyson, trying to make him feel what you felt when you came to the sudden realization he’s worth taking a risk.
“What does that mean, baby?” Tyson asks you softly, an uncertain smile on his lips.
“It means I’m willing to give us another shot, another go. I want to try again, Ty.”
You can’t help the smile that forms on your lips when you look at Tyson’s face, the realization setting in, the happiness and the gratefulness spreading all over his face, the relief flooding through his body.
“How does that work?” Tyson asks again, clearly trying to rid himself of any insecurities, any questions he has. You gladly take those insecurities away from him.
“A clean slate, completely starting over again to give us both a fresh start. How does that sound?” you ask him.
Tyson nods at you, the happiness radiation off him. “A fresh start, I like the sound of that,” Tyson muses. The changes on his face fascinates you, it seems like he goes through a whole range of emotions in just a few minutes. Until he reaches one you know all too well, mischief. He looks at you, the familiar glimmer in his eyes tells you he’s definitely up to something. He sends you a soft and sweet smile, that almost melts you into a puddle right there and then. “Hi, I’m Tyson,” he says, extending his hand to you. You can’t help the laughter that bubbles out of you, this is exactly how Tyson is. Funny, charming, an absolute dream.
“You’re a goof, you know that?” you tell him, softly shaking your head at him, but the big grin on your face tells him you loved that. Tyson intertwined his fingers with yours, squeezing softly. When he doesn’t make any other moves you take matters into your own hand, slowly leaning in and softly pressing your lips on his. The familiarity, the rush of emotion flooding through your body hits you like a ton of bricks. The feeling of his lips against yours light something deep inside of you, and just like that you finally feel complete again.
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AOT (SNK) HEADCANONS
What their favorite curse words are or which ones they would use in a modern setting. -Includes the Warriors ofc ^^-
TRIGGER WARNING: you guessed it. Curse words and mentions of slur usage (slurs not included ofc).
Eren (S1-3): he would definitely go with the usual “fuck” and “bitch” but have an unhealthy obsession with words related to balls that everyone hates and makes Mikasa give him dirty looks every time he says one.
“Bro you fucking piece of shit, I swear I will kick you in those fucking hairy bollocks you call a face”
Eren (S4): this man just says the most offensive slurs (unprovoked and with no visible emotions) that make the entire room go QUIET.
Mikasa: doesn’t curse too often, but when she does, she mostly uses some Japanese curse words that she picked up from her mother, such as:
“くそ! (kuzo!)”: meaning “fuck!”
“ちくしょう (chikushō)”: meaning “oh shit”
“わるがき (warugaki)”: meaning “brat”. Mostly used towards Eren when she is annoyed.
Fair to say that she doesn’t shout them, she just says them in a low voice.
Armin: we all know it’s really unlikely that he’ll ever insult anyone during an argument, but for some reason i feel that he enjoys to say things like “holy guacamole!” when he stubs his toe in the couch and stuff like that djdjdjhs
Sasha: loves weird word combinations and long curse words to say at any given moment such as: “what in the mother geewillikers’ bazooka trunk is that?!?”
No one really knows how she comes up with these.
Connie: DEFINITELY uses stinky and ass way too much.
“Hey Connie, yo mama-“
“LISTEN YOU STINKY ASS MOTHE-“
Jean: is the one who actually makes the “yo mama” jokes to Connie ALL the time. He likes to get creative.
“Hey Connie, yo mama so fat that Thanos had to snap twice”
“Hey Connie, yo mama’s forehead so big that she can make a pita out of sourdough bread by giving it a headbutt”
Historia: on a daily basis, she uses refined curse words to refer to the people that she dislikes, such as “bastard”, “miserable”, “wretched” and such, but OH- we all know that when she’s either comfortable or really mad she can say (and probably knows) more curse words than everyone in the troops combined.
Ymir: she just needs cursing to live and most of her sentences consist of phrases with random curse words intertwined into every single one of them. Special mention to “shit” because she likes it a lot and most things that aren’t related to Historia are just “shitty” to her.
“I SWEAR TO GOD REINER YOU SHITTY FUCKING DICKHEAD! STAY AWAY FROM HISTORIA”
Erwin: oh, our good suburban dad Erwin. He really likes “bloody hell” and will throw random dammits at small inconveniences like “staining” his shirt with a little bit of coffee or a pen falling from his desk.
Levi: he will for sure call everyone an “asshole” because he simply thinks everyone is. Period. He doesn’t care who you are. To him, everyone is just a “stupid asshole that doesn’t deserve his time and effort”.
Yes. He learned this word from Kenny. Now cry.
Hange: they absolutely love researching funny and currently unused curse words on the internet just for the laughs. Hange doesn’t really feel the need to curse at everything and everyone, but will randomly throw some of the ones they learned when everyone is angry and cursing to just “get in the mood”.
Ymir: “he’s just shitty, I guess…”
Connie: “JUST SHITTY? HE FUCKING SUCKS ASS”
Hange, passing by: “zooterkins! he sounds like a zounderkite. Did you two know that is the victorian word for idiot?” *laughs and leaves*
Reiner: his favorites were “son of a bitch”, “motherfucker” and “whore”, and he mainly used them to insult fellow men when he was at Paradis. Now that he’s back in Marley, he just doesn’t have the energy/tries to avoid doing it for the kids.
Bertholdt: my good man right here would never insult anyone but himself when he is frustrated (which mostly happens in his mind, of course), but sometimes, when he says these things out loud, they’re like:
“Come on Bertholdt you’re such an idiot!”
“Dumb. I am dumb. Goodbye”. *storms off in tiny anger*
Annie: is definitely beyond basic “rat kid insults” (in her words) like “pussy”, anything to do with balls, “whateverfucker” and randomly saying “fuck” or “shit” in every sentence, so she usually goes with the useful basic when needed:
“Fuck off”. Yep, that is definitely a favorite.
Pieck: definitely knows how to curse properly but chooses not to, so don’t be fooled. She might look soft, and she is. But she has also been on too many missions with too many soldiers and definitely knows way more insults and jargon than you.
She doesn’t really have a favorite one, though. She just enjoys the looks on people’s faces when she lets them know that she understood every single word that they said and that “calling her a “carechimba hija de su puta madre” won’t suffice”.
Yelena: will straight up HEX you in russian and occasionally bring up some slurs💀. I know, I’m sorry Yelena but we all know it’s true ㅠㅠ
Zeke: this man is still -sadly- not over “balls and penis curse words”, so you can imagine for yourself what his common expressions are and how he goes from “ballsack sucker” to whatever sounds like it.
Porco: uses the classical “fuck”, “shit”, “bitch” and so on, but additionally tries to incorporate curse words or even slurs that he doesn’t know how to use or what they mean and their implications, only to be met by Pieck’s stare seconds later; and you guessed it: she usually has to explain to him what they mean and why he shouldn’t be using them.
Falco: will mostly say those weird “filtered bad words” that are children-safe, such as “fudge nuggets!” and “snickerdoodle!”, but you cannot tell me that Gabi hasn’t taught him the actual stuff and he secretly uses “shit” on the internet and some others slip out when he’s playing with his friends and gets mad at Gabi for cheating.
Gabi: knows the entire classic curse word dictionary. Occasionally uses slurs pretending she didn’t know that she couldn’t say them.
One day, she called Falco a “piece of pixelated b*kk*ke” because she heard it somewhere and thought it meant “shit”, so Pieck had to step in and age-appropriately explain that it was something that “bad men did to punish women in Japan and that it was not funny at all”. Gabi never said it again.
Casually picked up “suka” from Yelena because she thought it sounded funny.
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fine line - p.p
chapter 4
pairing: Peter Parker x Stark!Reader
Synopsis: there’s a fine line between love and hate and you and Peter dance it on a regular basis
Series Masterlist and Regular Masterlist
“Would you stay with me?” You asked timidly, assuming the answer would be a definite no.
“Of course.” Peter nodded, making you recall the time your dad told you he would surprise you. Peter sat down next to you, giving you your space but still close enough to comfort you. You heard him chuckle after a beat of silence and looked at him curiously.
“You know, that’s the first time you ever called me Peter.” He commented, looking at you with a half smile.
“I’ve called you Peter before.” You insisted in your hoarse voice.
“No. I would’ve remembered if you did.” He chuckled. “You always call me Parker.”
“Oh. I guess I do.” You realized as Peter reached forward and wiped your tear with his thumb. You held eye contact with his and he dragged his thumb down your cheek, letting his warmth assuage your pain.
“Thanks.” You mumbled, giving him a weak smile.
“No problem.” Peter said sincerely. “This is the longest we’ve been in a room together without yelled at each other. It’s also the closest you’ve ever let me near you.”
“Sorry.” You said as you got ready to move. “I can move over-“
“No, it’s okay.” Peter stopped you by placing a hand on your arm. “I want you close.”
You pulled your bottom lip between your teeth to hide how happy his sentence made you. Despite how awful you treated him, he was always kind to you. Usually his generosity made you even angrier, but you didn’t have the strength to hate him tonight.
“You shouldn’t be nice to me. I’ve never been nice to you.” You shook your head and look down at the box of tissues in shame.
“I believe in treating people how you’d like to be treated. You’re also letting me be nice to you, which is a nice change.” Peter cracked a smile as he brushed your wilting curls out of your face. You leaned into his hand for a moment, closing your eyes as you finally felt peace.
“I don’t hate you.” You said suddenly, making Peter raise his eyebrows. “You said I hated you before. I don’t, really. I’m sorry I made you think I did.”
“I’m sorry too. I know this hasn’t been easy for you. I didn’t even want to move in. Mr. Stark insisted, he thought I’d be able to keep you company.” Peter laughed slightly, feeling the irony of his statement.
“Then why did you?” You wondered. You always thought it had been Peters idea to move in as a way to reap the full benefits of being an Avenger, but it turned out you were wrong.
“My aunt just got this job at a charity and she absolutely loves it, it just takes up all her time.” Peter explained. “It’s the first time I’ve seen her happy since my uncle passed and I didn’t want her to chose between her job and taking care of me, so I moved in here. I…I didn’t know Mr. Stark was gonna take me on all the missions and stuff.” Peter said softly. “I never meant to take your place.”
You opened your mouth and quickly shut it, feeling incredibly stupid and guilty for how you’d been treating him.
“I didn’t know that. Any of that, I didn’t...I didn’t know.” You said quietly as your eyes filled with regret.
“You and I don’t talk much.” Peter shrugged sadly. You tilted your head to the side, looking at him sympathetically in an entirely new light.
“You were right before, you know.” You told him. “I am jealous of you for being my dads favorite.”
“Y/n, I was just saying that.” Peter apologized. “That’s not how I really feel and it’s definitely not true.”
You looked straight ahead at your deep blue bedroom walls and let out a sigh, knowing the impending conversation wouldn’t be easy.
“He wanted a boy.” You said after a beat of silence, busying yourself with your fingernails so you wouldn’t have to look at him.
“What?”
“When he adopted me. He wanted a boy.” You explained further, feeling a blush of embarrassment cover your face and neck.
“I’m sure that’s not true.” Peter shook his head as he shifted a little closer.
“Yes it is.” You smiled sadly. “They did all these family matching events at my foster home when I was a kid and he would always stop by. I always saw him talking to the boys. He never signed any papers though, I think he was just browsing.” You chuckled, and Peter did too.
“You don’t have to tell me if it’s difficult to talk about.” Peter said kindly as he rested a hand on your knee.
“I want to tell you so you can understand.” You insisted, feeling like this was your best shot at an apology.
“Okay. I’m listening.”
“I never got picked.” You came outright with it. “I would show up to these events in my best dress and biggest smile and watch all my friends get taken home by some family, even if it was just for a test run, but nobody ever picked me. It gets to you after a while.”
“I’m sorry. I had no idea.” Peter sympathetically squeezed your knee.
“No, it’s okay. If some other family had wanted me, I wouldn’t have ended up with my dad.”
“You’re really strong for being able to see the bright side of all this. I don’t know what I would’ve done.” Peter shook his head as he got a look into your history.
“I appreciate that.” You smiled softly at him, letting him know you were no longer upset.
“How did you end up with Mr. Stark?” Peter wondered.
“He came pretty late one day, after an event had been going on for a while. He had Pepper with him that time, I guess he finally convinced her to come. By the time he arrived, all the boys had already been taken, and I could just see the disappointment in his face. Then he made eye contact with me.” You smiled to yourself. “I had seen him there so many times, but this was the first time we interacted. I had on this fluffy pink princess dress to make myself look more presentable. He saw me and laughed.”
“Princess. That’s why he calls you princess.” Peter made the connection.
“So you’re not as dumb as I thought.” You teased him, playfully this time, as you nudged him. “He bent down in front of me and asked if I’d like to live in his castle for the week, and I said yes. After the week was up, he brought a suitcase to my foster home. He said my suitcase matched his because we were a family now. It was the first thing that had ever been mine, you know? Not a hand me down or anything. It was mine. Those suitcases are all worn out now, but we still use them for every mission. At least, we used to.”
“Thats why you were upset he threw his out. Y/n, I’m sorry. I didn’t know any of this. You never - - You don’t talk to me.” Peter’s voice was pained as he got the full picture of why the fight had upset you as much as you did.
“I know. And I’m sorry for that. I know this doesn’t justify why I treat you the way I do, but I hope it explains it a little.” You looked at him apologetically. “It’s dumb but I always saw those suitcases as a symbol of our family. And then he goes and throws them out to buy one for you. Not that I would need one anyway since he stopped bringing me on missions and I just, I don’t know, I felt replaced.”
“That’s not dumb.” Peter insisted. “Mr. Stark likes having me around but I could never replace you. You’re his daughter. I know he spends a lot of time with me but that doesn’t mean he wanted a boy.”
“That’s not the only thing, though.” You continued. “When I got to his house for the first time, before the tower was even built, he already had a room set up. Blue walls and little shirts with sports slogans on them told me what I already knew. He wanted a boy. He wanted you.”
“Bold of you to assume I’d ever wear a shirt with a sports slogan on it.” Peter slipped a joke in, making you chuckle softly.
“Yeah, well. You check all his other boxes.” You reminded him. “You’re smarter than me, better at technology than I am, and you’re a freaking superhero for crying out loud. I can’t do half the things you can and he knows it. And when you guys save the world together or build these amazing inventions, it’s like you’re rubbing in all the things I could never do with him. It just reminds me that you’re what he wanted.”
“So are you. He loves you.”
“I don’t doubt he loves me. I just doubt I’d be his first choice.” You shrugged sadly. “You and I are both orphans and if you hadn’t had your aunt and uncle to take care of you, you would’ve ended up in the same place as me. And if you had been there that day at the event…”
“You think Mr. Stark would’ve chosen me, not you.” Peter finished your sentence, and everything made sense to him at once.
“Yeah.” You whispered as tears filled your red rimmed eyes once again. “I’m sorry I don’t call you by your name. I’m sorry I’m mean to you and push you away. But you have to understand, you’re not someone I ever wanted to know. And when you say things like him preferring you, I believe you.”
“I never should’ve said that. I wish we had this conversation when I first moved in.” Peter sighed heavily. “I would’ve understood you so much better. And I…I wanted to understand you.”
“You did?” You jerked your head back in surprise at his statement.
“Yeah. It was kinda a bummer when I realized my mentors extremely beautiful and intelligent daughter hated me.” Peter chuckled as he rubbed the back of his neck. “He talked so highly of you, I wish you could’ve heard it. He’s this world famous billionaire inventor and superhero and his greatest accomplishment is his daughter. It made me really excited to meet you. And then…”
“And then I made your life hell.” You squeezed your eyes shut in embarrassment as you finished his sentence. “I’m sorry, Peter.”
“It’s okay. I still liked you, even if you were mean to me.” He smiled sheepishly. “I could tell you were funny and nice from when I heard you talking to other people. I just didn’t understand why you didn’t like me.”
“I feel like we could’ve been really good friends by now if I hadn’t been so quick to judge you.” You pouted as you looked at him. “I thought you were taking advantage of my dads money of something. You’re actually a really good guy. I should’ve listened the first 50 times me dad told me that.”
“We can still be friends. I think I’ll be around a while.” He teased your usual hatred of him being around as he bumped his shoulders against yours. You laughed as you moved together, feeling grateful for the second chance he was giving you. Something he had said clung to the back of your mind and in the name of being honest, you brought it up.
“Do you…do you really think I’m beautiful?” You asked curiously as you looked at him. A blush spread from Peters nose bridge all the way to the tips of his ears when he realized you caught his subtle compliment.
“Um, don’t you?” He shrugged, answering your question with a question to put the ball back in your court. Your lips twitched into a smile before you looked away, feeling flustered in place of your usual disdain.
“To answer your question from before, my date was lame.” You shrugged. “Harry was on his phone the whole time, something about fantasy football? I don’t know, I wasn’t listening. Rich people are like, super boring.”
“I thought you liked him? Last I heard, you wanted to be his girlfriend.” Peter couldn’t help from rolling his eyes as he spoke.
“Oof.” You clicked your tongue. “If you haven’t figured out by now that I played up my feelings for Harry to make you jealous, then maybe you’re not smarter than me.”
“You wanted to make me jealous?” Peter repeated for confirmation. “It worked, but why?”
“Do you want to know the number one thing that annoyed me about you?” You asked him, the fight a distant memory now.
“I don’t know. Do I?” Peter chuckled as he rested his head in his hands to look at you.
“No matter how much I disliked you,” you shook your head and shrugged slightly, “I always liked you more.”
“I thought you said you would never like me.” Peter recalled, a hopeful smile tugging at his lips.
“Yeah, well,” you moved closer to him, sitting on his thigh and resting your hand on his shoulder, “I guess I had a change of heart.”
“Well.” Peter looked up at you with a fire in his eyes. “What ever am I going to do about that?” He said slowly as he drummed his fingers on your leg.
“Yeah. What are you gonna do about it, Parker?” You brought back his old nickname to really push him.
“I have a few ideas, Princess.” Peter mumbled before crashing his lips to yours. Your hands immediately went to his hair, tugging it for all the times he made you stressfully tug at yours.
“You drive me crazy with all your eye rolling.” Peter said between kisses as he pushed you down on the bed. “Nobody is that annoyed all the time.”
“Every time I saw you in the lab I hoped you’d burn your hand on the benson burner.” You confessed as you trailed kisses on his jawline.
“I hate when you leave your cereal bowls out. Do you know how disgusting almond milk looks when it’s left out? Ugh it made me so mad.” Peter groaned as he pinned you to the bed.
“I hate when you’re in the kitchen when I’m baking. You’re so annoying.” You whined, tilting your head up to kiss him.
“You’re so annoying.” He shot back as he pulled you closer.
“I cannot stand you.” You shook your head before kissing him again. “At all.”
“That makes two of us, princess.” Peter gave you a cocky smirk as his hand traveled up your leg.
“I told you not to call me that, daddy.” You shot back, making Peter gulp. You laughed wickedly and propped yourself up on your elbows. “Thats what I thought. You’re all talk.”
“That wasn’t fair.” He growled, teeth grazing your earlobe now.
“You just can’t handle it.” You teased him.
“I think I’m in love with you.” Peter said simply as he pulled his shirt over his head.
“Same.” You laughed at the irony. “Now shut up and kiss me.”
Tag List 🏷
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It’s kind of funny, part of the reason I ended up shipping Bangel when originally I was a Spuffy fan (and I do still enjoy the ship).
Like, I got into Buffy because I was on a major Dark Angel kick again (my all-time favorite show. Mainly season one. And it’s probably tied with Buffy now. Or, actually, Buffy might beat it a smidgen now, but the point is, I love both so much), in having just rewatched the show in the first time for a decade. And I wanted more things like it. So I then watched Dollhouse, because I was reading a Dark Angel fanfiction and the author said in one of their author’s notes that it reminded them of Dark Angel, so I bit. And then, for more Eliza Dushku (because I had always kind of wanted to watch her other shows aside from Tru Calling), I finally watched Buffy. But since I was still on that Dark Angel kick, I was often looking up Max and Logan stuff here on Tumblr, but really couldn’t find anything new for them in the tag. So sometimes when I couldn’t, I would look up Bangel, because they reminded me of them a little bit (even though at the time, I was going into the Bangel and Spuffy tags pretty equally. But if I couldn’t find Lomax, I’d go and look for Bangel, so I could at least see more of that dynamic I loved, if not the ship I was looking for with it), in that both pairings have two people who are trying to do heroic things and help the world, but sadly can’t be together (for Max and Logan, at first because of their emotional setbacks keeping them apart and then because of the dumb Virus in season two, where they couldn’t touch without Logan dying. And with Bangel, because Buffy’s the Slayer, and Angel’s a vampire, but moreover because of Angel’s curse. If they’re together, he’ll lose his soul again).
But then also because I ended up realizing they remind me of SoraKairi some... when I unintentionally wrote a Kingdom Hearts and Buffy the Vampire Slayer crossover. I had Kairi and Buffy interact in the story, and that somehow made it finally dawn on me that they’re somewhat similar: in the always being kept at a distance thing (Sora and Kairi because Sora is the chosen Keyblade wielder who has to protect the worlds. And at first, they thought it was too dangerous for Kairi to go with him. So they had to stay worlds apart, as Kairi went back home. And because fate keeps tearing them away from each other: Sora’s enemies like to use Kairi as leverage against him, and because Kairi’s an important person, who leads to the source of all power in the KH universe and will always be targeted by the enemy for that reason, etc.), but still loving each other regardless of the time apart, and instantly falling back into each other’s gravity the moment they’re with each other again.
And by then it was probably all over for me. Sora and Kairi is my favorite ship of all-time (my first ship) and always will be, and I feel like a lot of other things I ship is because they remind me of them, tbh (even when I do this thing subconsciously). So the moment I realized that Bangel reminded me of SoKai some, I had to become crazy for them.
And all of this is kind of funny because I actually didn’t like Bangel at first (or Angel, as I’ve said a million times). At least not that much. And I remember when I saw all the tragic stuff with them, I thought, “I’m glad that I actually missed shipping them, so for once I don’t have to feel the pain of a tragic pairing in one of my fandoms.” Aha. Aha. Ahahaha. And now look at me. I didn’t miss shipping them, it just took a bit longer for them to drag me into their Hell. But I’m there now.
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