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jenniekrj · 17 days

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“I said,delete it.”{Roommate!Dom!Hyunjin x Sub!F!Reader}

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Warnings:Mentions of drinking alcohol and smoking weed,blowjob,fingering,cum play,daddy kink,choking,spitting,riding,unprotected sex,spanking,creampie,oral sex and just straight up filth.

A/N:The tumblr algorithm works on reblogs,so please consider rebloging so it can reach more people,enjoy!! 💖

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Hyunjin has been your roommate for over a year now and it has been great.Sure you didn’t know much about each other,but you still really liked his company around the place.

All you knew about him is that he would often go to parties,come home late at night drunk and high,bring girls over and have the nastiest sex with them,smoke lots of weed and just smoke in general,have parties at your shared apartment and cook really good food.He seemed very popular and like everybody just wanted to be around him.

At some point,all the pornographic moans that came out of his bedroom did annoy and bother your sleep,but his kindness and calm energy made up for all the disturbances.

Last week,he started following your Instagram.All he did was just view your stories and very rarely like anything you post.You guys never chatted on there,but why should you? You have his number and you literally live with the man.

Hyunjin was almost everyone’s type,he was muscular,tall,handsome,funny,smart,he had a few tattoos,charismatic,strong and he was two years older than you.Just your type.

It was your second year of college and you made a few friends,they were the best.On the other hand,Hyunjin had a whole group and there might be more that you don’t even know of.

Every weekend he would invite his friends over and pull an all-nighter with them.You knew his friends since they follow you on Instagram.You only ever said a simple ‘Hey,how are you guys?’ whenever you saw them.

It was a Saturday night and you were very bored,all you did all day was lay in your bed.You were thinking of ways to cure your boredom when you suddenly got the idea to post some pictures on your Instagram account,so you got up and picked an outfit from your closet.

After you put the outfit on you posed in front of the large mirror and snapped a couple of photos.You were wearing a baby blue lace mini crop top with a white mini skirt and some knee high socks.

You weren’t lying if you said you dressed this slutty just for Hyunjin to see,you had the most massive crush on the older and it wasn’t just some random crush,it was a sexual type of crush and you couldn’t help it.You posted the photos with the caption, “Is this sexy enough for you?” It was obvious you were trying to get someone’s attention,and it might’ve worked.Not even five minutes later and your post had so many likes and comments,people loved this look,especially Hyunjin.

You were scrolling around on your feed when a notification pops up,it’s from none other than Hyunjin,he sent you a DM.Of course,you rush to his profile and check the DM.

“Delete the post,I saw it already.”

Is all he said.

“What? Who said it was for you?”

You replied back,you wanted to seem hard to get even though this post way mainly for him to see.

“I said,delete it.”

He said before barging into your room.

“You really think I’m gonna let other people see what’s all mine,hmm Y/N?” Hyunjin said as he grabbed you by the arm and pinned you against the wall. “But,we’re not even dating,why do you care?” You replied back,trying to push back the urge to just kiss him right there.Your voice was shaking and almost filled with stutters,but you couldn’t show him your weak side,you wanted to see how far you could push him. “You belong to me,Y/N.I’ve seen and heard how you touch yourself to the sounds of me fucking other women,so don’t act all dumb right now.”

What? How’d he know? How’d he know you get wet by just the thought of him? It’s insane how well he knows you when you’ve barely spoken to each other,but you liked it.

“Mmm,how about you get the fuck out of my face?” You said,trying to seem intimidating,but Hyunjin wasn’t having it. “How about I fuck that attitude out of you? You’d like that,wouldn’t you?” It’s almost like he read you,and you enjoyed everything about it.

“Make me.”

“Bet.”

Was all he replied before smashing his lips onto yours,he pulled you closer into a rough but sloppy kiss and you just let him have you.His hands ran all over your body and your arms were wrapped around his neck,occasionally caressing his face and tangling your fingers in his hair.

Hyunjin moved his lips down to your neck,he slightly bit on your skin only to find your sweet spot,once he had found it he started sucking hard.He grabbed your ass,giving it a few light smacks.

“Get on the bed.” He said after he pulled away,signaling with his head towards your bed.You laid yourself onto your bed,with only your elbows holding you up.

Hyunjin dropped to his knees and kissed all over your inner thigh.You sighed a little before you had realized he was getting higher.He ran his fingers up and down across your clothed clit.He then slid your panties off and almost immediately attached his lips to your swollen cunt. “Fuck,you’re so wet.All for me,right?” Hyunjin said before licking up your folds while maintaining eye contact.You cried out a ‘yeah’ only for him to slap your thighand say “Use your words,princess.” Even though he knows you can’t utter a proper word,he still wanted to tease you a little. “Come on,don’t make me say it again.” Hyunjin says into your pussy which makes your head fall back. “Yes yes! Oh- please just go faster,I’ll do anything for you daddy,please.” You practically scream,not yet processing what you had just said.

“Anything?”

“Anything.”

“Since you’re so nice.”

He said before his tongue thrusted in and out of your pussy.It drove you insane at how good he was.Though,you were expecting this because of how loud the women were whenever he brought them over.

“I- cum please..” you managed to speak as you rolled your hips. “Go on,cum for me like a good slut would.” Hyunjin encouraged you and you came almost immediately after he spoke.You came all in his mouth and all over his face. “Fuck,you taste wonderful.” He praised.

He sat next to only to say, “Get on your knees.” and of course,you did as he said.You almost immediately dropped to your knees and started undoing his sweatpants.Once they were off,your eyes widened at how large he was and he just smirked.

“Too big? Or are you just weak?”

“Don’t fucking call me weak,Hyunjin.”

“Cutie.”

You rolled your eyes and started stroking his dick,he rolled his head back and his right hand went to your head. “Open up.” And you did.

You licked the slit on his tip as he groaned,you could tell how much he enjoyed this.Your eyes started getting watery as you slowly took his whole dick in. “Come on,be a good girl and take all of me.I know you can.” Hyunjin said with a moan coming after his words.

You started bobbing your head as tears fell down each one of your cheeks,even though it hurt you still loved it.His grip on your hair tightened as he moved your head closer to his veiny cock. “Fuck,right there baby.I’m so close.” He moaned out and came right after his announcement.

You felt your mouth get filled with a warm and thick liquid that tasted sweet.You were about to swallow,but Hyunjin stopped you and said, “Open your mouth.” You did as he said and he stuck two fingers in,he moved his fingers all around your cum-filled mouth and soon took them out,only to put them into his mouth and lick all of the cum off of his fingers. You swallowed and got up to sit next to him,but Hyunjin had other plans.He laid down and pulled you on top of him.

“Ride me.”

“What?”

“Come on,don’t run away from it.”

“I’m not,I just..”

“What? What is it,sweetheart?”

“I’ve never done this before.”

“It’s fine,I’ll teach you nice and slow.”

You nodded your head and positioned yourself above his still hard dick and slowly lowered yourself onto him.You gasped at how much he stretched you out and he just let out a dark chuckle. “Hyu-Hyunjin it’s too much.” You stuttered as you breathed out. “I know ma,but you can take,right? Aren’t you a good girl?” He said as he caressed your face. “Ye-yes I am!” You said as you started moving your hips.

“You like that?” Hyunjin said as he thrusted up into you and your response was just moans and whimpers. “I’ll take that as a yes.” He chuckled.You bounced up and down on his dick and all you could think of was how good it felt.

“Go faster,ma.” Hyunjin said after spanking your ass and grabbing onto your neck,basically chocking you.You tried to go faster even though your legs gave up a long time ago,but you went on and soon felt a knot in your stomach.His thrusts were becoming sloppier and you knew he was close. “I’m gonna c-cum,daddy.” You said. “Me too,princess.” Hyunjin said before you both came together.

His cum filled your cunt and now it was oozing out of your heated hole.Once you both came down from your high,you fell down onto him,your head now on his chest.Hyunjin flipped you over,now he was on top of you.He grabbed your jaw and said, “Open up,baby.” He spat in your mouth and you swallowed.Hyunjin leaned down and kissed you,but this time it was a passionate kiss,slow but still somewhat messy.Your tongues moved in sync as his hands slowly massaged your tits.He pulled away,leaving you panting and breathing heavily.

You laid there for a couple of minutes when it hit you that his friends are still coming over in a few minutes.Your eyes widened and you tried to push him off of you. “What’s wrong?” Hyunjin questioned. “Your friends,aren’t they coming?” You looked at him with a slight pout. “Yeah,but that’s nothing to worry about and you said you would do anything,

right my love?”

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microcosmicheart · 3 months

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A Message from Your Secret Admirer

*rubs hands together evilly because I'm nosy*

1 2 3 4

Pile 1

- It’s taking Forever to get your cards! - This person could be methodical in their thought or way of speaking - They want this shit to stay a secret 😭 - I feel like once I get the message some of you may know exactly who it is.

Hey. I feel like some rest would do you good. Get enough and a lot of it. Need to see your pretty face again soon, happy and healthy. How’s that thing going? The one you didn't tell me about, but I heard second hand? I know you'll do great. Also, a bit of personal info: I’ve been a bit stunted when it comes to relationships, something I’m workin’ on. But I’m making a comeback, all thanks to you. I'll be asking you out sometime soon, I’ve just gotta talk to you first 😭. See ya later,

- This person thinks you are SO attractive literally all of you. The way you think, how you dress, your smile! They got it for you BAD

Pile 2

- Just turned on Candy Pop by TWICE 😭 Read the lyrics! - Keep hearing bubblegum? Like the word. Like they’re “gummy” or “chewy” - This is my LGBTQ+ pile - They are not shy at ALL

Hey! So you remember how you came to our group asking for advice on something? I say go against the grain! You’ve played it safe your whole life and quite frankly so have the people in our group. There’s nothing a little looking and leaping won't fix! I'm getting the sense that one of the things you admire about me is my courage to be me? Guess what, I see the same thing in you! I understand that this'll be a big step for you, and I’d like to tell you to take your sweet time! Also, if you ask me, I'll say yes ☺️. Love you,

- TWICE and ITZY (kpop groups) may be very important to this person - They also may love bunnies/rabbits - You also could actually be interested in this person

Pile 3

- Lowkey by NIKI - This person drinks - This person WILL be asking you out soon 😭 - They aren’t even gonna ask for much but they’re willing to give you their all (be kind!)

You want it? I got it. You need me? I’m THERE. Honest to god I’m tryna love you the way you deserve. You know I can make it happen, whatever it is. I’m bein so forreal. You ma ONE. Like dis is it. I gotchu forreal just let me show you.

- They are ON IT. - Honestly I’m not even seeing this as a secret, but I don't think you're understanding the extent of this person's love, hence the message. - Y'all's cards are amazing 😭 Like they are real life in love with you I hear them going “I’m sayin corny shit like I feel COMPLETE 😭” - Your heart is safe with them fr, have fun 💕

Pile 4

Literally getting not a damn thing outta this person they probably don’t speak often let alone to you 😭

Hey Love. I see you're still doing your best recovering from that *curseword in another language*. I still find you quite beautiful. This isn't what I’ve come to say though. I ask simply that each day you grow more and more selfish. I’d love to see you obsessed with yourself. A compact in your hand and gloss on your lips, ignoring those you don't wish to speak to. I wish to see you shine authentically, should you choose to, of course. I know you’ve got it in you. Love,

- Awwww - Their energy is so gentle and calm - You guys could work in healthcare - They’ve got a fatass crush on you and are 100% certain you aren't going to ever find out.

#pick an image #pick a pile #pick a picture #pick a card #oracle reading #pac reading #pac #general reading #tarot reading

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creamhoodie · 4 months

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Home To You

A/N: Drabble about dating Kento Nanami, he's away on a mission, phone sex, more fluff than anything, not really dialogue driven more narration driven

Protective.

That’s the adjective that always comes to your mind when thinking of how to describe your boyfriend, Kento Nanami.

The two of you had only been dating a year but boyfriend felt like too casual of a word to describe what he was to you, it was too juvenile of a word as well. Nanami was different from past boyfriends, he was grounded, more mature and serious about the relationship.

“You can call me your suitor or lover if you’d like,” he had told you once between placing kisses down the trail of your neck, as he was fond of doing. So a lover to you he was. In the beginning he had admitted to you that he had been hesitant to take on a relationship given his work as a jujutsu sorcerer was both laborious and dangerous. He had always wanted to settle down but the idea of leaving behind the woman he loved should he ever not return home made him feel immense guilt. Fear couldn’t stop love however, and like a moth to flame he had been drawn to your warmth and kindness.

You, who he had met through a chance encounter at a coffee shop. You had ordered before him, coincidentally ordering his usual coffee of choice before settling down with said drink to type away at your laptop. He had thought you were beautiful the first time he ever saw you and you had thought he was handsome as well. Though it took about six routine encounters of this nature before he had finally decided to speak with you. He had made some joke about the two of you frequenting the shop so often and ordering the same drink, light banter about who had copied who had played out. Before he knew it you had made your way into his heart and there was no getting you out.

On your first real date he had been transparent with you.

“You fascinate me. I want to get to know you more but I need to let you know that being involved with me runs its own risks that I can’t in good faith keep hidden from you,” he had said.

“Is that so?” you inquired. You knew a little of him already, about his previous employment as a stockbroker and based on this lavish restaurant with French cuisine he had brought to you, it was easy to estimate he was financially set.

He had leaned forward, deep brown eyes peering at you from above his interesting frames. That’s when he had laid it all on you, the truth about the jujutsu sorcerer world. He already knew you couldn’t see curses with you having ignored a pathetic low level one that had clung to your dress earlier that night (he had eliminated it when you weren’t looking). Moreover, he didn’t sense a hint of cursed energy from you. You were perfectly normal. You could afford to look away and turn your back to his world, the way he had tried to but his morality and conscience had pulled him back in.

“So you understand being with me has its risks. My enemies could try to use you as leverage against me. I want you to know I’d always do my utmost to protect you, but this is the situation you need to be aware of should you choose to continue to see me,” he had said fully expecting you to call him crazy, after all humans like you who couldn’t see curses didn’t know of them. The knowledge of the world of sorcery wasn’t common at all; only selected individuals were cursed with that burden, and now here he was pulling you, sweet innocent you into his world of peril and risk.

Rather than calling for him to be committed, you had simply leaned in the way he had done telling him: “I’m not afraid.”

Then he had made love to you that very night. It wasn’t his typical fashion to make love so soon as he didn’t want it to seem as he only wanted you for your body but the attraction between the two of you was so strong, a flickering candle that threatened to burst into a forest fire. In the end, he hadn’t been able to help himself.

You had been just an equal of a participant, your hand having rested on his lap throughout dinner and never breaking contact with his own intense eyes.

Those eyes that as he had made love to you, you were at last able to see full on without his peculiar lenses. In his dark room, lit only from the city lights shining in through the window of his penthouse apartment, fully undressed with his hair slicking down on his forehead he looked younger and more wild. He was chivalrous in bed, the focus on your pleasure yet he was still every bit as passionate as a man that had been craving this skin to skin contact for so long. His kisses were tongue filled and intoxicating, his strokes long and rhythmic each bringing you two closer to the climax of your symphony.

Afterwards, when the two of you were laying in bed together, your face nuzzled into his chest as he stroked your hair, a thought occurred to him: who would protect you when he was away?

“I need to teach you some things, so you can defend yourself,” he said.

From then on, he had given you a crash course of sorts about curses, their grade level and what to expect. Though you had no cursed energy of your own, he had insisted you keep at least two weapons imbued with cursed energy with you. One of the weapons was discreet enough to accompany you throughout the day in your purse. The other resided in his penthouse where you had moved in with him and it offered extra assurance for when he had to go away.

Times like now.

“Doors locked? Stove off?” He asked you over the phone.

“Yes, Kento,” you replied, settling down on the leather couch. These questions of his were routine check ups every night that he was gone and you were used to it.

“What about the cursed weapons?” He asked.

“I have them with me,” you replied, knowing they were underneath your shared bed as always.

“Good girl and you have Gojo on speed dial?” he asked this last question, voice tight. He wasn’t particularly fond of his fellow sorcerer and he was even less fond of soliciting another man’s help in your protection, but Satoru Gojo wasn’t any ordinary man and if it meant you were safe then that was all that mattered. So despite being notoriously private, he had opened up to his white haired peer about his relationship with you and entrusted you in his care should an emergency arise while he was away. Gojo had been eager to oblige and maybe entrusting you with him was the truest testament for how much faith he had in the blue eyed sorcerer because you were more precious to Nanami than the blood in his veins.

“Yes, Kento I do,” you replied.

“That’s my good girl,” he said, finally allowing himself to breathe.

Always the same questions every night he was away, and it was always the same answers but they were the medicine he needed to soothe his worries, otherwise he wouldn’t be able to sleep.

“Kento I miss you. It’s so lonely here without you,” you said.

Your voice was like honey and he could just imagine you, so small in comparison to him, curled up in either the bed or couch.

“I miss you too. Every moment I’m away from you is excruciating,” he said truthfully. The hotel he was staying at was no substitute for his bed back home with you.

He heard the shift in your breathing. Prompting him to ask: “are you touching yourself my darling?”

“Yes,” you replied shyly at having been caught.

He chuckled.

“Keep going, you deserve to feel so good. You know I’d never deny you pleasure,” he said. He began to palm at himself through his pants, already sensing a hint of pre forming on the tip of his cock.

“Doesn’t feel as good as when you do it though, Kento,” you whined, though your panting let him know you were following his instruction to pleasure yourself all the same.

He unzipped his pants, slipping his cock out of his boxers until he held it in his hand. As suspected, a waning drop of precum coated his pink base.

“Believe me, angel I know. I miss your touch as well,” he said through gritted teeth.

“Should have taken me with ‘chu,” you said, words slurring into moans as you played with yourself.

You had pitched that idea to him before, but the risk of you getting harmed in a mission was not one he was willing to take. He’d never forgive himself if you got hurt.

All the same, with the way you were making him feel, he agreed that he wished you were here, lapping at the drop of pre that had dripped down his length. Oh how he’d love to have your mouth wrapped around him now like so many times before.

“Ah-careful darling you’re making me regret leaving you behind,” he teased as he stroked himself. He imagined it was your hand getting him off, though his large veiny hand ruined the illusion yours were much more small and soft.

His phone took the dial tone letting him know it was prompting him to accept a video call.

Little minx, he thought to himself.

He accepted the video chat.

And there you sat, on the leather couch. The camera was facing your spread legs so he had a full view of your exposed sex as you fingered yourself.

“Kento..” you moaned his name softly.

He cursed, biting his lip so hard it drew blood as he continued to stroke himself. He flipped the camera so you could watch as he pleasured himself as well.

“Look at what you do to me,” he said grunting at the sensitivity of the act.

He was usually so well put together, a man of dignity, but only you were his undoing.

“Want it inside me so bad,” you moaned. Trust, he wanted to be inside of you as well, he was addicted to the deep warmth only your cunt could provide. It was why despite working long hours and unpredictable overtime, he always made sure to sink himself into you.

“Soon. When I get home it will be. Rub your clit for me,” he commanded.

You did so, his name spilling from your lips in a completely desperate and frantic manner. He stroked himself faster now intent on finishing at the same time as you.

“Kento.. so fucking close,” you whimpered.

“I know- ah fuck- I am too,” he replied, sounding every bit as lustful as you.

It happened simultaneously, the two of you reaching your orgasm, and he let out a shaky grunt as his cum came in bursts.

“I miss you so much, Kento,” you whispered, your voice had a hint of melancholy to it.

“I miss you too,” he said. He didn’t mind the mess he had made because of you (even though before you he would have found it rather tedious) instead he found himself wishing you were here. That’s a bridge he could never cross though, your safety was everything and he couldn’t ever risk you being hurt. So instead the two of you would partake in this little dance: the routine questions and answers on the phone and the call of pleasuring each other.

“I love you. I know it’s hard right now but I’ll come home to you. I promise.”

And it’s a promise he intended to keep no matter what, because you made everything worth it. While his heart beats and as long as he has breath he’d find his way home to you.

#kento nanami #nanami x reader #nanami x you #nanami x y/n #nanami fluff #kento nanami x reader #jjk drabbles #jjk fluff #jjk smut #kento nanami x you #nanami smut

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storiesforallfandoms · 1 month

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sleepy head ~ harry styles

word count: 1467

request?: yes!

“Hey! I request for the first time so I don't really know how much descriptive I have to be so yeah sorry if something's wrong,could I maybe request a Harry styles X reader where the reader has a bad habit of sleeping almost the whole day and when Harry wakes her up late in the afternoon she realizes that she missed yet another day with him and he comforts her beacuse she feels sad and guilty?(I hope this is understandable bc it's kind a problem of mine) thank you ♥️”

description: in which she struggles with staying awake and it makes her feel bad because she misses so much time with her boyfriend

pairing: harry styles x female!reader

warnings: rpf, more like a blurb than an imagine but...y’know

masterlist (one, two, three)

You had no idea what it was that made you so sleepy all the time. You had gone to the doctor and had your thyroid levels and your iron checked, both of which came back fine. You had taken melatonin to try and sleep through an entire night. You even tried drinking coffee and energy drinks to get you through the day. So far, nothing really worked. You were still perpetually tired.

If you had work or any plans that meant you had to leave the house, you were usually awake enough to partake. But the minute you were home, your bed would be beckoning for you, and it was nearly impossible for you to resist.

It was something you already had a lot of issues with, and you were trying to work on it, but it especially became a problem when you started dating Harry.

Harry would never say it bothered him. He was adamant whenever it was brought up that he wasn’t bothered by how often you slept. You, however, were very bothered and felt incredibly bad whenever you slept in late, or when slept your entire day away. You had such little time with him since he was always so busy, and you didn’t want to lose that time by sleeping all day.

On one of the last days before Harry had to leave for tour, the two of you had planned to spend the whole day together. You set an alarm for early that morning so you could get up and fight off the sleep you were sure would try and convince you to stay in bed.

The second the alarm went off, you got out of bed and got ready. You got dressed, made a cup of coffee, washed your face with cold water to wake yourself up more, and made breakfast. You texted Harry to say good morning and to ask when he wanted to start your day together. You were almost finished eating when you got his response: “good morning, love. i’m not long awake, so it’ll probably be an hour or two before i’m ready if that’s okay.”

“of course! see you then ❤️”

Now you just had to stay awake for maybe two hours.

You washed the dishes, even dried them and put them away. You finished your first cup of coffee and put on the kettle for another. While the water was boiling, you went to brush your teeth and splashed your face with cold water again. You paced the kitchen as you waited for your coffee to cool down enough to drink. You couldn’t let yourself sit down. You knew the moment you did, you would risk being hit my fatigue and falling asleep.

You looked at the time on your clock and realized only 30 minutes had passed since Harry had texted you. He hadn’t sent another message yet to say he was ready. You groaned as you pocketed your phone again.

“I’ve had two cups of coffee,” you said to yourself. “That should be good enough to keep me awake.”

So, you moved to the living room and sat down on the couch. You sat as straight as possible, not even allowing yourself to lean on the arm rest or to slouch. You opened TikTok on your phone and started the mindless scrolling. You figured that would be the best way to pass the time. It was easy to fall down a TikTok rabbit hole and lose an hour or more.

Eventually, your back started to hurt from the unnatural way you were sitting. You allowed yourself to lean against the arm rest. But then the leaning turned into laying down. You were on your side with your phone in your hand, TikTok still open. Your eyes were growing heavy, but you fought against them. It wouldn’t be much longer till Harry was ready. You had to stay awake.

But it was a losing battle, and soon enough, your eyes were closed and you were sound asleep.

~~~~~~

You jumped awake at the feeling of someone’s hand touching your arm. You quickly sat up, the post sleep confusion still clinging to you.

“Hey, it’s okay It’s just me.”

You blinked your blurry eyes a few times until you focused on the familiar face of your boyfriend.

You smiled, sheepishly. “Hey. Sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”

“It’s alright. It took me a little longer to get ready than I expected.”

You stretched your arms over your head. “What time is it?”

“Um...almost 4?”

“What?!”

Your phone was on the floor, probably having fallen when you fell asleep. You picked it up to check the time to see he was right, it was almost 4pm. You also saw you had a number of texts and missed calls from Harry.

“I texted you a few times to let you know I was ready whenever you were,” he was explaining. “When you didn’t answer, I called a few times. I figured you were asleep, so I waited a while before coming over, to let you sleep.”

“How long was a while?” you asked.

When Harry didn’t respond, it was all the answer you needed.

Tears started to well up in your eyes as you buried your head in your hands. You couldn’t believe you let it happen again. You tried so hard not to fall asleep so you could spend Harry’s last day with him, and yet you still fell victim to your fatigue.

Harry gently took your hands and lowered them from your face. You refused to look up at him, keeping your eyes on the floor instead.

“Love, I’m not upset that you fell asleep,” he assured you.

“I’m upset,” you said. “I tried everything to stay awake. I knew that if I laid down I would end up falling asleep, and I still did it. I wasted our whole day.”

“Hey.” Harry cupped your face so you’d look at him. You weren’t able to hold back your tears anymore, so they were just running down your cheeks as you looked at him. “You can’t help that this happened.”

“I could’ve,” you said. “If I hadn’t let myself lay down I would’ve stayed awake. I should’ve found more chores to do around the place before you came, or something to keep me busy. But I shouldn’t have to do that! If there wasn’t something wrong with me, I’d be able to stay awake like a normal person.”

“There’s nothing wrong with you.”

You gave him a look. “Yes there is, Harry. You’re always so nice when this happens, but I really wish you wouldn’t be. I wish you’d just tell me how you really feel about it, because I know it annoys you.”

He raised an eyebrow at you. “When have I ever made it seem like I was annoyed?”

You opened your mouth to respond, but nothing came out. He was right, you technically had no evidence to support your claim that he was annoyed with you. He had been nothing but kind and patient every time you had missed plans or fallen asleep while you were both together.

“You can’t help that you’re tired so much,” he continued. “You told me about it when we went out on our first date, it’s not like it’s something that is new and came out of nowhere. And you’ve tried to deal with it, but it’s just how you are. I’m not going to be mad at you for the way you are.”

You sniffled as new tears started to form in your eyes. “But...today was our last day together before you leave, and I slept through it.”

“Last I checked, it’s only 4pm. There’s still plenty of time to do things before I have to go to bed. What do you say we grab some take away and watch a movie here?”

You wiped your cheeks and nodded. “I’d like that. And you promise to wake me if I fall asleep on your lap?”

“I don’t know. You’re adorable when you sleep.”

You playfully pushed him. “I’m serious. I already lost most of my day with you. I don’t want to lose anymore time.”

He pulled you close and kissed your forehead. “I promise I’ll wake you if you fall asleep, love.”

You smiled and kissed his lips. “I love you, and I really appreciate the fact that you put up with my sleepy-ness.”

“I’m not ‘putting up’ with anything, because I love you, too.”

He stood from the couch and pulled you with him. You followed him to his car, where the two of you went off to spend your evening together. And you made sure not to fall asleep until the both of you were tucked away in bed that night.

#harry styles #harry styles x reader #harry styles imagine #imagine #one shot #request #rpf #fanfiction #fanfic #fandom

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cozzzynook · 2 months

Note

Ravage realizing Rodimus is carrying first.

Rodimus does not understand why he can’t get comfortable anymore unless Soundwave is beside him or Lazerbeak is keeping watch over him during the day.

He can’t recharge well unless Soundwave is holding him and he feels so bad because he’s always exhausted now and feels strange like he’s cold whenever Soundwave isn’t touching him or he isn’t inside their nest.

He feels like he’s going crazy when he can’t drink his usual grade and has to settle for grade that tastes so bitter without anything sweet but a few liquid drops of nickel and iron the same way Soundwave likes his. He doesn’t even like spicy copper sticks anymore, he prefers the sour kind like Soundwave, which again, annoys him to no end.

and for the life of him he doesn’t want to tell Soundwave who will no doubt worry and he can’t exactly bring himself to stop defending his spark and tanks almost all hours of the day as if something or some bot other than himself, Soundwave, Lazerbeak or Ravage would dare get close to them.

Speaking of Ravage the feline and longest companion of Soundwave is now always next to him.

During the day when he goes off to work, during the afternoons when he waits for Soundwave to get home and at night sleeping on top of him with claws extended as if to shield and protect him.

He doesn’t even mind that Ravage is doing this. He actually likes it which scares him.

Ravage paws and kneads at his tanks when he sits down. Purrs with his helm on his tanks nudging and rubbing against the sensitive metal making him feel so safe which drives him crazy because he’s one a solider and fighter and two a prime with a powerful outlier that he hasn’t had the energy to use in weeks.

He finds Ravage is never far from him and even brings him a cube of energon just moments before he realizes the helmache is from hunger and not paperwork.

He can’t find it in himself to stop giving Ravage all the scratches and pets and treats she wants. Spoiling her and picking her up when she asks which is a weird thing since she usually only lets Soundwave carry her.

She’s sort of given Soundwave the tail in favor of draping herself over Rodimus tanks during recharge and even went as far as to bite at Soundwave for trying to move her.

Both of them were seriously shocked at this since Ravage loves Soundwave and never did anything like that, ever.

Rodimus tried asking why she did that and she wouldn’t answer, just nuzzled into his tanks and set a paw over his spark and curled up against him.

She even refused the call to dock into Soundwave.

They were both thinking about taking her to see Ratchet. They were talking about Ravage’s odd behavior and decided to bring her to him who promptly told them nothing was wrong with Ravage and the feline former was ticked at being brought to a doctor when she could’ve been at home recharging.

Ratchet watched as Ravage curled up and put a protective paw on Rodimus tanks and growled at Soundwave and himself when it clicked for the medic.

“Rodimus?”

“Yeah Doc?”

“tell me, have you been feeling tired lately?”

“Umm yeah?”

“Hard time enjoying energon like you used to?”

“Yeah, i’ve been drinking the same kind Soundwave usually drinks for weeks its driving me a little crazy. I hate it but it tastes so good!”

“And has Ravage been staying with you all hours of the day and protecting you?”

“Well, yeah actually. Won’t let me leave for work without her and she sleeps on my tanks now too.”

“And have you been nesting a lot more? Often on edge without Soundwave, Lazerbeak and Ravage?”

“I uh,” the look Soundwave was giving him made Rodimus inch away only for Soundwave to pull him closer making Ravage hiss and protect Rodimus by giving a harmless swipe to Soundwave, though the message was still clear.

“I think I know whats going on.”

“You do? Great! Whats going on with Ravage doc?”

“Ravage is completely fine. Doing exactly as she should actually. You on the other servo Rodimus, are sparked.”

“Excuse me?!”

Soundwave yelled out a clip of static and Ravage stayed protecting Rodimus.

“Ravage can sense and smell that you are carrying and as such is protecting you since you are her family. She has no ill will towards you Soundwave, she is just doing what her instincts demand of her and that is total protection of the sparkling and carrier under her possession.”

The two looked at Ratchet, then Ravage, then Rodimus’s tanks before each other and Soundwave pulled Rodimus in for a tight hug pressing Ravage between the two making her yowl.

“When we get home we’re going to have a long discussion about you keeping things from me.”

#rodimus prime x soundwave #rodimus #prime #soundwave #soundwave cyberverse #hot rod cyberverse #transformers cyberverse #sparklings #ravage #mechpreg

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gz-missfit · 9 months

Text

With Tazercrafts stream ending I just have some thoughts about how their day will go. So here I go!

So it's obvious that Pac sits out on their balcony for a long time, he curls up on his blue chair and just watches the outside, feels the sun and breeze on his skin. Mike checks in on him often, hands him hot chocolate and a blanket once the sun starts setting. They don't talk much during the beginning, Mike being to worried to say something wrong and Pac still buried too deep in his own thoughts. It's not until the sun starts setting that the conversation flows again, it's about mundane dumb shit. Random facts, things they gotta plan to work on, layouts of rooms.

It feels like home again to both of them.

It's not until late at night does Mike decide they should probably move inside if they don't want to get sick and suffer from back pain because they fell asleep in their chairs. He really needs to get himself in check to help take care of Pac until he can stand on his own 2 feet again.

Pacs basically already half asleep during the elevator ride to the bottom of the lab, body falling limp against Mike who's holding him up with his arms so he doesn't knock into one of the walls. He's as exhausted as Pac is, but he needs to keep it together now, his stubbornness putting Pacs frail frame from a week of barely eating and drinking before his own neglected body and mind due to his focus on revenge while his other half was away.

As the both slowly make their ways down the stairs Mike notes the rough creaking of Pacs prosthetic, making a note to fix it first thing in the morning since it's most likely completely fucked by water damage and whatever injury the federation caused Pac while he was in captivity.

Mike's blood boils and his muscles tens at just the thought of it.

They reach the big currently still empty room before their separated ones, and Mike doesn't even hesitate when he leads Pac to his own. Pac was there for him and slept by his side when he was suffering after Walter Bob got kidnapped and nightmares plagued his nights. So he was making sure that Pac would have the same comfort, even if he's not as good as Pac is at this he wants to repay every act of kindness Pac has ever done for him a thousand times over.

He leads Pac to his own huge bed and moves the green covers, quickly detaching his leg with movements Mike remembered better than any other muscle memory, and covers his friend. As Mike walks around to the other side of the bad he hears Pacs shaky voice, he's mumbling while deep asleep and he can hear the self doubt. The fear of being abandoned. The set mind of having been left behind. The begging to be saved, to have the screams stop and Mike would lie of he said it didn't send a shiver down his spine.

He carefully wraps an arm across Pacs shoulder to pull his shaking friend close, pushing their heads together and Mike freezes when he feels something click. It's overwhelming and painful but he quickly realizes what just flooded his brain when he can make out each thought Pac has that fuel his nightmares, he smiles as tears prick at his eyes and he squeezes his friend tighter. Pushing all his energy into their connected minds to soothe at least some of the mental anguish Pac is carrying at the moment. It doesn't take long for both to fall into a deep sleep, exhaustion weighing their bones down.

And in a painfully ironic way of symbolism. If you compared this moment to the first night after the prison escape they would be the exact same.

Just that now Mike is set on taking care of Pac.

#qsmp #qsmp pac #qsmp mike #qsmp tazercraft #void mumbling

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srbachchan · 11 months

Text

DAY 5619

Jalsa, Mumbai July 6/7, 2023 Thu/Fri 1:15 AM

Apologies for missing the Calendar updates 😔 .. but making up .. 🙏🏻

🪔 .. July 04 .. was no birthday ..

🪔 .. July 05 .. birthday of Ef Shashikant Pedwal from Pune .. and Rajat Watel from Jammu ..

🪔 .. July 06 .. birthday of Ef Pronobesh Roy Choudhury from West Bengal - Kolkata ..

🪔 .. July 07 .. birthday of Ef Saurabh Bhakri from New Delhi ..

Greetings to all and the joys of the World .. ❤️ from your Ef Family .. 🙏🏻🚩

So .. a few days off .. and the days spent in reflection , rejuvenation .. not of the age kind but to gain the knowledge of what goes on inside the World of reflection .. smart yes ..

Yes ..

It is , or rather are the reflection days .. a wonder why certain ‘givens’ were given , why certain doings were being done .. why a name an act an act .. and so many other ‘whys’ ..

The curiosity widens .. and it is not the curiosity , it is the will of the mind to delve into regions which were in a sense reserved to ask or know ..

Now with age the ridicule has lessened .. now with time they that are asked or are brought into the picture by me , are convinced that the man is 81 , old decrepit and mental , bear him .. it shan’t be for long .. and the responses go on with a sense of .. ‘poor guy , so uninformed , let him be .. etc etc etc .. “

Also the temerity to seek and voice matters that may never have been done earlier have reached the stage of a fearless disposition ..

So to start with ..

Wimbledon is on .. and the Women players get Women ex champions in the commentary box to speak and inform and comment .. most of the time .. the Men players get ex men champions in the box ..

BUT ..

Typically .. give a microphone to any individual and they shall never stop talking .. and this I notice often ..

In the game of tennis or any such moment , when the entire concentration is in the players and how their mind is working etc., the commentators keep talking .. hey ! I want silence at that time .. I want to get into the mind of the player and the ladies keep commenting on past games and opinions , and moments as to why he or she played so and so and such and such ..

NOOO ..

I do not want to be disturbed by your chatter .. give me all that you have to say in the break .. when the players wipe face drink energy, eat energy chocolate, complain to the Ref , ask questions facially to their team on the stands above , lament that the crowd is not with them .. and so on ..

then talk as much as you like .. !! hahah .. its limited there isn’t it , because the Ads., start .. hahaha .. the ad., money is so needed for the commerce of the Tournament .. many of you would not know that there never used to be a break in tennis before .. the players just changed sides and carried on .. the break was deliberately introduced to give time to the Ads., to run and for their Commerce to thrive ..

AND THANK THE LORD FOR THAT .. !! I get a job too .. the Ad.s and the endorsements .. hahah !!

yes their experience and stories of past moments .. or guidance of how the game goes on and what the strategy should be - unless its an English Brit playing .. then it’s all about them even when they are losing .. it’s always the ‘sun’ coming in the eyes , the wind is blowing against them when they serve or take a smash shot .. the shadow keeps changing on the court , the linesmen are making mistakes .. ufff .. the list is endless .. even when the opponent has given a amazing shot, the comment if its a Brit will be .. ‘he was there, foot slipped, would have returned it .. ‘

the exuberant adjectives used when there is a Brit commentator for Cricket and their team players hits 4 or a 6 .. !! listen to them .. they just go on and on in praise and compliments .. !!

And for us .. it’s just a terse inform .. hehehe ..

WE THE PEOPLE OF INDIA, NOTICE ALL THIS ..

But we are a tolerant people .. just that .. ‘गले ते हथ ना लाई !’ as we would say in Punjabi ‘don’t put your threatening hand on my neck’ .. because we will thoko .. ठोको, .. .. गळ्यात हात ठेवला तर, ठोक देणार !!!

AAAh .. a favorite subject of mine .. and I love noticing and commenting in private , but today .. गळ्यात हात ठेवला तर ठोक देणार !!

“ to ask the hard question is simple ‘ .. किसी मुश्किल प्रश्न को पूछना बड़ा आसान होता है

So have asked .. and the answers shall be in the known medium !!!

Love respect .. affection and more ❤️

Amitabh Bachchan

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blueteller · 1 year

Text

Cale Meets a Genie

So I had a funny idea, but it's too short to write a fic about it.

Enjoy!

***

"Hello, this is GWIS, Genie Wish Incorporated Service," the blue man surrounded by mystical mist spoke to Cale in a monotone voice. "How can I help you?"

Cale blinked at the sudden appearance of such a strange being. Then he looked at the old-fashioned lamp in his hand.

'Really? This kind of cliche...?'

He should have known this was a suspicious item from the fact that Arm kept it locked up in a highly secure safe, right in the middle of their base. But Raon hadn't detected any malicious energy from it.

"You grant wishes?" Cale asks, narrowing his eyes thoughtfully. "...Is there a price for that kind of thing?"

It was that way, in some stories. The genies had incredible powers to bend the universe, but it often caused misfortune for the unlucky soul foolish enough to make a wish, without thinking things through.

"No, sir" the genie responded with the same bored tone of voice. "GWIS operates on basis of donations."

"Donations...?"

"We provide all kinds of high-quality service. It's only natural that many beings feel grateful and wish to support our wonderful organization."

Judging from the genie's expressions, he was not exactly thrilled to be a part of this so-called "wonderful organization".

"You mean that there will be no price to pay for a wish...?"

"Correct." The genie nodded, resembling more and more a person who lost their soul long ago due to tedious retail work. "No bad luck, no debts, but also no refunds. One wish per customer only. Naturally, wishes for more wishes of any kind are against the GWIS regulations and cause immediately ban of any future GWIS service."

"Huh. Well in that case..."

Cale's thoughts rand wild.

"What are the power limits?"

"Any wish has to have localized effect only."

"Localized? As in..."

"If you wish someone to be cured, no matter the illness, it can be done." The genie responded, yawning. "If you wish to resurrect a person, it cannot be done. That would require tearing a whole in space time continuum and grabbing a soul from another place. Too many problems for GWIS to deal with."

"I see..."

So anything reality-breaking was off the table. Good to know.

Cale's eyes suddenly sparkled. He knew exactly what to wish for.

"I wish to be a rich sla-"

"Denied."

Cale gaped in shocked disbelief. "WHY?!"

"Giving you slacker life would not be a localized event."

"What do you mean?! Of course it would be!"

"For you to become a slacker," the genie explained to him, slowly, as if Cale was a dim-witted child "There would have to be world peace across the universe and no problems for you to deal with."

Cale fell silent, aghast.

"Can you even imagine the paperwork that would cause? GWIS would definitely fire me!"

Cale fumed silently. This was so unfair!

"Well then. If that's the case... my wish is..."

(The Next Day)

"Young Master Cale, here's your morning lemon tea" Ron Molan smiled gently as he served Cale his most detested beverage.

Much to his surprise, Cale took the cup with a wide grin. "Thank you very much, Ron."

The butler was stumped as he watched Cale drink the tea with relish.

'Ahhh, it really was worth it.'

Cale made a wish to taste anything sour as something delicious and sweet.

He made the best wish ever.

#tcf #trash of the count's family #lcf #lout of the count’s family #cale henituse #cale #tcf cale #writing #my wrtitng #tcf fanfic #humor #tcf humor

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ridiculousn3sswrites · 1 year

Text

If You Need to Cry

*Zuko (ATLA) x Reader

*Summary: Reader doesn’t often cry in front of other people, so when Zuko comes home to find them crying, he knows something is very wrong.

*Warnings: Swearing, School anxiety, overworking, stress from school. Let me know if I missed anything

*A/N: I have another final tomorrow (today when this goes live) and yet, here I am, finishing this fanfic instead of studying. The last month of school was really rough on me mentally so I really needed this comfort.

Tip Jar

**********

There were very few times you’d cried in front of people that weren’t your immediate family. Off the top of your head, the last time you cried in front of people was when you got rejected from one of your top choices for grad school, and even then that was just your housemate running into you as you left the bathroom after your crying session. The only time you cried in front of your boyfriend was soft tears of happiness when he told you he loved you for the first time and couldn’t picture his life without you. So when your boyfriend got back to the apartment and heard sobbing coming from the living room, he was startled more than anything. However, once the shock wore off, he immediately rushed to find you.

Zuko had known you’d been stressed by this research assignment, but he had no idea it was this bad. You were sitting on the floor in front of the coffee table, sobs wracking your body and tears running down your face, but you were still scrolling through whatever article you were currently reading. You didn’t even notice him standing in the hall, mumbling to yourself about dropping out and that you didn’t even know why you were doing this anymore. “Uh, baby, are you okay?”

“Shit, Zuko, sorry, I didn’t realize you were home.” You immediately started wiping away your tears, still hiccuping through the sobs. “Sorry, I’m just kinda overwhelmed. Let me… let me…”

You tried to compose yourself, but Zuko could see that you were still struggling to talk to him. His body immediately went into autopilot as he saw you struggling. He put his workbag down, rushing to join you on the floor in front of the coffee table. He pulled your laptop away from you, saving whatever work you’d been busy with before he closed it. Even as you cried, you still tried getting your laptop back from him. Zuko hushed you, pulling you into his arms and letting you sob into his chest.

After a few minutes, your sobs quieted and Zuko felt your body sag against his. He looked down to check, calling your name softly, but you didn’t respond. This assignment had been particularly bad, especially as it was worth most of your grade in this class, and you hadn’t been sleeping as much as he would’ve liked you to, but he didn’t know it was this bad. Sure, you drank a lot of coffee and energy drinks, but that was kind of your habit anyways. Zuko started internally berating himself for not noticing the warning signs - after all, he knew you were prone to overworking yourself both physically and mentally during college, and grad school had been no different so far.

Before he could get too far into his wallowing, you shifted against him, reminding him of his priorities at the moment. Now, Zuko was never too good with the whole feelings thing, but he had the basic knowledge of what to do. He had just been thrown off his rhythm since he wasn’t used to seeing you cry at all. It took a few minutes of thinking, but he managed to get up and pick you up without you waking up. He brought you over to your bedroom and tucked you under the covers, knowing your mind would probably be a lot clearer once you got some rest. Beyond getting you to sleep and just being physically there for you, Zuko was a little lost. So, he picked up the phone and called his most reliable source for things like this.

“Nephew, to what do I owe this pleasure?” Iroh answered after a couple rings.

“Uncle, I need some advice,” Zuko started, wondering for a second just how much he should share about the situation. He knew you had an issue with people seeing you cry, not wanting others to perceive you as weak or unable to handle the burdens you placed upon yourself, but he knew that his uncle wouldn’t see you any differently for having struggles like everyone else. “(y/n)’s been overworking themself again. When I got home from work today I found them crying in front of their laptop and I don’t know what to do.”

“What are you doing on the phone with me, then? You should be at their side, consoling them,” Iroh admonished him. Zuko could practically see the annoyance on his uncle’s face.

“I’m not stupid, Uncle. They’re sleeping now. I let them cry until they tired themself out. I just don’t know how to support them once they wake up.” Zuko stopped himself from rolling his eyes, knowing that he didn’t necessarily have the best track record with things like this in his previous relationships.

“Then talk to them about it. I know they don’t like feeling as though they are bothering you, so let them know from the beginning that they are not. You are their partner, you’re there to support them through things like this, it’s what you signed up for.”

“Yes, I know, Uncle. I just… you know I’m not necessarily the best with knowing how to do that.”

“I would tell you to make them a cup of tea, but that would probably make them feel worse.” Zuko had to laugh at Iroh’s dig there. “I’ll tell you what. I’m running errands and I can stop by set everything up for you. I don’t want you to poison them somehow.”

“Uncle, I’m sure they would appreciate that, but I also want you to know I’ve managed to make them tea before and they didn’t die.”

“I’m sure their spirit did, at least a little. I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.”

“Uncle!” Before he could get another word out, Iroh had already ended the call. Zuko looked at the phone, shaking his head in slight disbelief. Even though his uncle was a little eccentric, Zuko knew you would probably appreciate some actually well-brewed tea at this moment. He looked around, trying to figure out what he could do to help ease your burdens at least a little bit until you woke up and he could actually talk to you about things. Looking around the apartment, he rolled up his sleeves. If anything, cleaning up the place and starting dinner would probably be a good starting point.

**********

You were confused when you woke up. You could feel the exhaustion still heavy in your body, but you didn’t remember going to bed. You couldn’t find your phone anywhere within reaching distance, so that just left you even more confused. Normally when you took planned naps, you always had your phone nearby. That was when you shot up, looking around and trying to actually gain your bearings. You started swearing, knowing that you were definitely even more behind schedule now.

“Hey, sorry, baby, I was supposed to be here when you woke up,” Zuko said, coming into the room with a steaming mug of tea. Iroh left about ten minutes earlier, with strict instructions for Zuko to keep the tea ready for you.

“Hey, uh, when’d you get back?” you asked, still confused. You walked towards him, ready to take the mug of tea from him and go back to work. “I gotta go back to researching, but maybe we can order in something, yeah?”

“Baby, just get back in bed, okay? You need to get some rest.” Zuko guided you back to the bed, despite your protests. “Here, Uncle stopped by earlier to make sure you’d have some good tea.”

“I have to get back to my paper after this, though,” you said, letting Zuko tuck you back under the covers. He handed you the mug of tea, the cup immediately warming your hands. As you took a sip, you could immediately taste the difference of something brewed by Iroh. Zuko could see your little smile that you tried hiding with your mug and silently thanked Iroh for taking the time to stop by.

“How about you take the rest of the night off. I know you need to get this research to your advisor, but it was kinda really worrying to come back to you crying at your laptop.” Zuko explained, getting into bed beside you.

“Shit, I’m sorry about that-”

“You don’t have to apologize. I know you’re really stressed right now, and I just want to know if there’s anything that I can do to help you out more. Like I can cook dinner more often, maybe clean up the apartment so you don’t have to, whatever.” Zuko could practically see the way your mind was racing as you took another drink of your tea.

“No, I think I can handle it. I just need to figure out how to better manage my time, and then I don’t wanna bug you because you also work-” Zuko directed the mug back to your lips, effectively cutting you off.

“Baby, listen to me. I want to help you out, and if I need to pick up some slack around the house then I’ll gladly do it for you. I also want to make sure that you’re not overworking yourself again. We’re in this together, right?”

You nodded, knowing you couldn’t argue your way out of this one. “Right. Sorry, it’s just everything with school has kind of been hell like this past month, and I really didn’t wanna bother you since you have everything going on with work.”

“You’d never bother me.” Immediately you could see Zuko’s slight regret in saying that. Before you could respond with whatever teasing little joke you wanted to make, though, he quickly followed it up. “That’s not an invitation to try your hardest to, though.”

“Aw, well there goes my plans for break,” you still joked anyways. “I do really appreciate all of this, though. I’m guessing Iroh did more than just come over to make tea.”

Zuko’s immediate blush was enough to tell you exactly what you guessed, but you didn’t mind it. After all, if there was one person who knew human emotion like no one else, it was definitely Iroh. Zuko tried stuttering out an explanation, but he stopped when you leaned into his chest, his arms immediately going to wrap around you. It had been a minute since you’d been able to do this, savoring the last of the warmth from the tea and the feeling of just enjoying Zuko’s presence and hold on you. Zuko pressed a kiss to the top of your head, and you felt your heart flutter at the soft gesture.

“Promise you’ll help me take care of you?” Zuko asked after a few minutes of you just sitting there, basking in the moment.

“Yeah, I guess,” you said, more of a joke than genuine sincerity. You looked up at him, finding his gaze already on you. He was definitely not amused with your little joke, so you reached up to press a quick kiss to his lips. “I promise.”

“Okay, good, because Uncle only prepared me so far for this conversation and I genuinely have no idea how I was supposed to continue that,” he rushed out. “What do you want to do tonight? And don’t say your paper.”

“Can we stay like this for a while? We haven’t done this in a long time,” you admitted, your voice sounding small even to yourself.

“Of course. Whenever you’re ready I have dinner staying warm.”

“You could not be more attractive than you are right now.” Zuko mumbled something in response, still not used to accepting compliments, and pulled you in closer. For the first time in a while, you felt at peace with everything. You knew tomorrow you would have to get back into the groove of things, but now you knew for sure Zuko had your back with all of this. There was a little less weight on your shoulders, but anything that was still there could be dealt with tomorrow. For now, you were content to stay with your boyfriend, letting him calm your mind.

**********

Permanent Tag List: @treatallwithkindness, @delaber, @laic2299

#zuko imagine #zuko x reader #avatar imagine #atla imagine #avatar the last airbender imagine #reader insert #gender neutral reader

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madsworld15 · 3 months

Text

Part 3 of Asexual Rep AU (QAF)

I have decided to upload another part because it's been written so, you are welcome @maryp50 and @winderlylandchime HEHE

Justin worked the rest of his shift with an energy he’d been lacking before. Normalcy had been restored, and Brian was once again that bitchy business queen in his mind. His one moment of kindness and concern had been overshadowed by his arrogance. It was the way things should be.

That night after work, Justin went to Woody’s for a couple of drinks where he ran into Emmett and Ted. The duo quickly welcomed him to join them as they scouted the room for potential partners for the evening. Around 2 am, they all packed it in and went home alone. However, Justin was sure Emmett was going to end up calling that cute Southern man he’d been flirting with for most of the night.

Justin walked the four blocks to his and Daphne’s place, his thoughts a million miles away. Once he arrived at their apartment and let himself in, he immediately went to bed. Daphne was a pre-med student, so she had early classes almost every single day. He knew they would chat in the morning over their cups of coffee and last-minute study sessions.

Sure enough, the next morning, Daphne woke him up half an hour early with a hot cup of coffee and the look of a best friend who wanted to talk.

“Mmm.” Justin took a sip from the proffered mug and smiled, “Thanks.”

“I feel like we keep missing each other. I haven’t seen you in days.” Daphne gave Justin her signature ‘you’re toast’ look.

“Between work and school, I barely have any time to myself.” Justin shrugged and leaned his back against his headboard. “Let alone time for freedom and fun.”

“I distinctly remember you telling me about a fun night at a gay club a few weeks ago.” Daphne crawled up the bed to position herself side-by-side with Justin.

“Yeah, well, I didn’t tell you the whole story.” Justin sighed and closed his eyes. This would be the first time he would be talking about the incident out loud.

“Oh?” Daphne sounded nonchalant and unconcerned, but Justin knew better. She was itching to know more.

“Emmett invited me to join him and Ted at this gay club Babylon after I got off work that Thursday night. So, having nothing better to do, I joined him.” Justin put his coffee mug down on the bedside dresser.

“Oh my god! How was it? I have always wanted to go to a gay club!” Daphne perked up, her excitement barely contained.

“You are a freak, you know that?” Justin laughed at his best friend before he continued. “Anyway, I enjoyed some time on the dance floor until this guy made a move to undo my pants. Without asking me.”

“Please tell me you punched him!” Daphne looked horrified at what could potentially happen to him.

“No, but Brian showed up and possessively pushed those guys away,” Justin responded. “And then he kept dancing with me until I wanted to go home. It was weird, like he wanted something from me but didn’t ask.”

“Brian. The Brian. The older guy who comes into the diner and constantly treats you like crap? That guy?” Daphne knew all about Brian because of how often Justin complained about him. But she didn’t know that Brian always gave Justin more of a tip than was necessary.

“Yep!”

“And?” Daphne turned to face him with an expectant look, but Justin didn’t have anything else to give her.

“And nothing. It’s been almost two weeks, and he hasn’t said a word to me about it. And before yesterday, our interactions at the diner and the few occasions I’ve seen him at Woody’s have all been the same. But, then yesterday, I was working the late shift, and his whole friend group came in, and instead of being rude and snarky to me, Brian was kind. Unnaturally kind, like invasion of the body snatchers.” Justin sat up completely and crossed his legs.

“He likes you!” Daphne squealed and put her hands on each of Justin’s biceps. She shook him excitedly as her grin grew more and more.

“What?! No! The guy is a conceited asshole.” Justin dismissed Daphne’s assertion. “Moments later, we were out back, and Brian told me he was everyone’s type.”

“Back up. Why were you both out back?” Daphne gave him a knowing look.

“I needed a breath of fresh air because it's all so confusing,” Justin exclaimed.

“And he followed you.” Daphne continued to give him a look. “Because he likes you.”

“No, Brian isn’t like that. He doesn’t do boyfriends or commitment of any kind. He is all about sex.”

“And that makes you upset because you like him, and you know the moment he learned you don’t like sex, he would stop being interested.” Daphne pulled her best friend into a deep hug.

“I shouldn’t like him, Daph. I know it won’t end well. But, he’s all I think about even when he’s not around.”

“Then you need to limit your time around him. At least until you are over him.” Daphne gave Justin one last squeeze before she got up to go shower and head to her first class.

“How? He comes into the diner every day. I can’t exactly quit my job. I need the money.”

“How about I start coming to the diner after my classes to help keep you focused?” Daphne stated. “That way, you can work and not get drawn any deeper under his spell.”

“Okay. We can try that.” Justin agreed as he, too, got up to get ready for classes.

The next day, Daphne was true to her word and deposited herself at the back corner booth to study while Justin did his Friday evening shift. Things were going well, and they hadn’t seen hide nor hair of Brian, despite seeing Ted and Emmett early in his shift. He was certain Brian wouldn’t show up that night when the man came breezing through the door. Only, he wasn’t his usual self. This time, Brian was wearing a white tee under his signature black leather jacket. His hair was a mess and Justin was pretty sure the tee had some stains on them. Not only that, Brian was lugging a baby carrier on his right arm. Justin bit back a laugh at the image.

A loud squeal was all he heard before Debbie pushed him aside in favor of the baby.

“GUS!” Debbie cooed as she unbuckled the baby and held him in her arms. Justin wasn’t familiar enough with babies to guess his exact age, but he figured he looked to be a few months old.

“If you love him so much, you can take him.” Brian groused and slumped down onto the counter. “Lindsay thought I was responsible enough to take care of him for the weekend while she works and Mel is at her yenta mother’s.”

“Well, you are his father!” Debbie admonished him. “And don’t insult Mel or her mother.”

“It’s not as though Mel wouldn’t do the same with me.” Brian tried to argue. “Besides, I gave up my rights as his father the day he was born. That was our deal.”

“A piece of paper doesn’t erase DNA.” Debbie chided and handed the baby back to Brian.

Justin finally found his voice enough to snark out incredulously, “You’re a dad?”

“I donated my spunk to a couple of cwazy wesbians.” Brian parroted as he stared his son in the eyes and made a goofy face for his benefit, “That doesn’t make me a father.”

Justin didn’t say anything else. He didn’t know what to say. But it did end up making him think about his own father for the first time in ages, really think about him. Brian’s assertion that a sperm donation didn’t make him a father nor give him the responsibility of stepping up really got under Justin’s skin. His whole life he believed his father loved him unconditionally. Despite their lack of connection or understanding, the man still loved him. Then, he learned quickly that there was one thing that could turn his father’s love off. Coming out as gay.

He walked away and let Debbie deal with him. He went over to Daphne’s booth and sat down. She didn’t say anything, but she placed her hand on his just the same. If anyone understood his complicated relationship with his dad, Daphne did.

“Don’t judge him.” Debbie’s voice floated above him. Justin looked up into the soft, dark eyes of the woman, “Remember what I said about how most people here have their own story? Well, Brian’s dad is probably the worst of them all.”

Justin silently looked at Debbie as he processed her words. “Just think about it, sunshine.”

As Justin continued his shift, he occasionally let his gaze wander over to Brian. Eventually, the man pulled out what looked like work as Gus slept in his baby carrier. Without a word, Justin refilled his coffee cup. He looked at Brian’s papers from across the counter. It was a bunch of artwork for what looked to be an ad.

“Can I?” Justin motioned to the ad Brian was fussing over.

Brian looked at Justin and then at the ad. “Sure, I can’t quite figure out why I don’t like it.”

Justin looked it over. The people in the image looked happy enough, the words stood out. Then he saw it.

“You need to change the color of the font. Right now, the blue gives the image’s happiness a bitter tinge, making it sad. You want people to love the idea of this product. The text should be orange to invigorate them.” Justin gave a tight smile as he handed the ad back to Brian.

He started to move away and see to the people who had just sat down at Table 4 when Brian grabbed at his hand.

“How do you know?” The man looked genuinely interested to know how it was that Justin could see what he had missed.

“I’m an art major at PIFA with an interest in graphic art.” Justin shrugged and then went back to work, leaving Brian to contemplate what he’d just said.

By the time Justin was able to make it back over to Brian at the counter, another thirty minutes had passed, and he was now feeding the baby a bottle. Justin hung back to watch how gentle and unguarded Brian was around the little boy who shared his genetic material. Despite what Brian had said, Justin could see firsthand just how much Brian actually loved his son.

“You know, just because our dads before us have fucked everything up doesn’t mean you can’t do things differently,” Justin whispered, filled Brian’s cup again, and then walked away to clock out and gather up Daphne so they could go home.

He was just out the door when Brian’s hand landed on his bicep to stop him. Daphne gave him a look and motioned that she would be just up the block. Justin silently begged her to stay right there, but she shook her head and left.

Justin turned around and gave Brian a smile. The two stood there in awkward silence for a few minutes before Brian bit his lip. Justin noticed that his hands were doing that weird thing they did when he was uncomfortable or nervous, where he had his fingers battling each other for dominance.

“Look, I just wanted to say thank you.” Brian took a deep breath. His face looked pained, as though it took so much out of him to admit that simple phrase.

“Oh. It was no big deal.” Justin waved him off and moved to reunite with Daphne.

But Brian stopped him once more by grabbing his arm. Only this time, the force spun Justin around until he was in Brian’s chest, and the older man’s arms were wrapped around his torso. Justin knew he should leave right then. No good would come out of whatever was bound to happen next.

“I don’t understand you.” Brian whispered, “The minute a guy doesn’t show interest in me, I forget him. But with you, I can’t stop.”

“Uhh.” Justin’s mouth was suddenly dry. “I, um, I’m sorry?” Justin tried, not really sure what Brian wanted from him.

“I don’t believe in love. I believe in fucking. It’s honest. It’s efficient. You get in and out with a maximum of pleasure and a minimum of bullshit. And yet, for some reason, I can’t quite get you out of my head.”

Justin couldn’t seem to get the words out at first, his brain in overdrive trying to process whatever it was that Brian was saying. He finally managed after what felt like hours.

“I believe in love and commitment. I’m not a fan of sex. It makes things messy and complicated.”

“I should be running away. And yet, all I want to do is get closer to you.” Brian admitted before he leaned over and placed his lips on Justin’s.

The heat that immediately radiated from Brian’s body and into Justin at their contact almost stopped his heart. This kiss was like nothing Justin had ever felt before. If lightning were to strike him down at that moment, he would die happy. Their kiss continued long enough for Brian’s tongue to ask for entrance into Justin’s mouth. That little tap woke Justin up, and the magic was gone. He pulled out of Brian’s touch entirely.

The two stared at one another and muttered, “Fuck.” at the same time, but with entirely different meanings.

Then Justin ran to Daphne, putting as much space between him and Brian as he could.

#queer as folk #brian kinney #fanfiction #justin taylor #alternate universe #asexual spectrum representation

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wool-f · 11 months

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29 Lessons from 29 years of living

Hello friends,

I’ve spent a little while contemplating on whether or not to create a blog post for this but I figured there is no harm in it, and maybe someone will take something from this the way that I take lessons from other peoples’ confessions.

I have spent 29 years on this earth so far and only very recently have I started writing myself letters on my birthday, listing all the things that I’ve learnt in the year prior.

Like most other things I post about on this blog, I’ve made a YouTube video talking about this year’s list and the reasons behind each lesson, which you can watch here, but if you prefer to read through lists and come back to them later etc, like I often do, please continue reading and let me know in the comments if you are going to take on any of the lessons I’ve learnt myself, or if you’re going to start making your own list! I’d love to hear your lessons.

29 Lessons from 29 years of living:

1. I am truly capable of creating any life or manifesting any opportunity I want.

2. I should take as good care of my health as possible.

3. Always try to learn something from any given situation.

4. Sometimes, things are just shit and can’t be turned into a learning experience.

5. Not all friendships are meant to last, no matter how badly you want them to.

6. Let go of people who make you feel like shit.

7. Don’t lower your standards - let the good people come to you, they will.

8. Trust you intuition! It never ever misses.

9. Read the book, watch the movie and rest when you need it. Enjoyment isn’t always productive.

10. Never get tired of going to things by yourself - that’s when you have the most fun.

11. Drink water - as much as you can.

12. Always wear sunscreen - it’s the reason people are looking younger and younger!

13. Journalling helps your mental health - keep this habit up.

14. Moving your body at least once a day and preferably in the morning makes you so much happier.

15. Keep trying to learn that second or third language - your brain works better because of it.

16. You are lucky - even when you don’t feel like it.

17. One walk a day is an act of rebellion against productivity and capitalism! (Read Sarah Wilson’s This one wild and precious life to understand this one)

18. Look around you - take stock of the beautiful world we are in - look up from your phone!!

19. Don’t get caught up in what other people think of you - if you’re happy and not hurting anyone, fuck what anyone else thinks.

20. Some people don’t deserve your forgiveness, your time or your energy.

21. The love you’ve given others they they haven’t returned is never wasted.

22. Believe that love is out there - you give it to yourself everyday.

23. Finding time to be creative is an essential part of your happiness.

24. Sometimes you can keep a little secret for yourself - it’s fun!

25. Always looking for a silver lining isn’t weakness - finding a light in the dark is strength.

26. Meditation is important - it makes you kinder.

27. If you want to do something, jump at it without hesitation - we only have only life, and it truly isn’t that long.

28. Find beauty and fun in the small moments in life - the mundane can be the best parts.

29. Never stop believing that a dream can become reality - what is meant for you will never pass you by and if you’ve imagined it, it is meant to be yours.

If you’ve gotten to the bottom of this post, thank you for taking the time to read my words and thoughts - these are deeply personal to me, but if you’ve gotten anything from them, I’m glad.

I hope wherever you are and whoever you are, that you’re having a wonderful day and being your truest and most authentic self.

Be kind to your self and others.

See you in the next post!

Gxx

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alarawriting · 2 months

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Fuuuck... accidentally posted to the wrong account against.

Have a thing I'm working on instead of a rant that belonged on my main blog, instead. ****

You are very confused about how you got here, and moreover, what here even is. The last thing you remember, you were cramming for your Organic Chemistry final, it was like 4 or 5 am – you were scared of looking at the clock too often, so you’d been avoiding it – and it was so hard to stay awake, despite the six espressos, three Jolt colas, five regular Cokes, three energy drinks, and caffeine pill you had taken, but you were trying to force yourself to read over the text and repeat to yourself everything it said. The exam was going to be at 8 am and you needed to do well. Your entire future depended on it. You remember having a massive headache and thinking you should go find some Advil, and then deciding against it because you couldn’t spare the time from studying.

Now you’re in a large… cavern? Throne room? Temple? The room’s enormous, with walls that look like white marble glittering with embedded crystal, and you are standing in front of a winged unicorn, a human-sized bunny rabbit who is standing on its haunches and has six – arms? Forelimbs? It looks kind of like what if Shiva was a fluffy grey bunny rabbit? – and a Chinese dragon. The Chinese dragon is small for a dragon, maybe 10 or 12 feet long but it’s coiled around itself, looped tightly enough that its head is about, maybe 8 feet high. The unicorn is the size of a racehorse. The three entities occupy a dais in the middle of the room, with some sort of flame-like background that is in rainbow colors, and oh shit, obviously you are dreaming. Fuck. You need to wake yourself up now.

“Leo Chen?” the unicorn asks. Her lips move, but not like a human saying the words “Leo Chen” would move. You can’t lip read but you know whatever it was her horse lips are saying, it’s not what you’re hearing. Like a bad dub. Shit. Too many Godzilla movies. Netflix dubs are a lot better than this.

“Look, this is great and all and I’m sure I would normally love this dream, but I’ve got to study for my orgo final that is happening something like three hours from now, so I think I need to wake up.”

You do not wake up. Normally when your dreams go lucid and you realize, oh right, Grandma’s actually dead, or Jesus I am about to get hit by a bus except this isn’t real and I’m dreaming, or whatever, you wake up. This is not always in your favor. The dream where Jeff Whittaker turned out to be gay and have a crush on you and the two of you were going to go on a date and then you remembered, wait, gay or not there is no way he’s gonna want to date me, and then you realized it was a dream, you tried very hard to not wake up, but it didn’t work. Realizing it’s a dream wakes you up. So why aren’t you waking up?

The Chinese dragon is laughing at you. Chortling. You didn’t think anyone ever really chortled, that was a word Lewis Carroll made up, but no, he’s chortling. “Oh, dear. Another one of the ‘it’s a dream’ ones.”

The bunny rabbit says, in a very butch lesbian voice, “Yeah, sorry, dude. It’s not a dream and you don’t have an orgo final anymore.”

“I do have an orgo final! In three hours! Or less, depending on how long I’ve been asleep!”

In a gentle, musical, feminine voice, the winged unicorn says, “I’m so sorry, Leo. You’re not asleep.”

“You’re dead,” the rabbit says.

The unicorn glares at the rabbit. “Petra, do you need to be so blunt about it?”

“Oh, you could have me tell him,” the Chinese dragon says. “You’re pushing up daisies! Not pining for the fjords! Kicked the bucket! You are an ex-human!”

“And you, Hundun, do not need to be cruel about it.” The unicorn looks right at you. For the first time you notice that she has predator eyes, facing you, not the side-eyes typical of a horse. Also, they are purple. This is plainly shit your brain got out of The Last Unicorn or maybe My Little Pony – in fact, with a winged white unicorn and a black and gold Chinese dragon, this is a lot like My Little Pony.

“No, I’m definitely dreaming,” you say confidently. “You look waaaay too much like characters from My Little Pony. Except the bunny, I don’t know where my brain got you.”

The Chinese dragon laughs again. He is not voice-acted by John de Lancie, but the general tone and pitch of his voice aren’t entirely dissimilar. “I knew it was going to bite us in the ass someday that we sent someone back.”

“Hush, Hundun. The young man is dealing with a lot right now.”

The rabbit says, “Look, I’m sorry. You’re dead and we brought you here because we need people like you.”

You roll your eyes. “Oh, Jesus, it’s an isekai. I’m the Chosen One? The Hero who’s destined to fight the Demon Lord or some shit like that? That’s not even vaguely believable. I’m an overweight biochem major shooting for medical school. I’ve never fought anything if you don’t count video games and frankly I don’t even like JRPGs where you swing a sword around and kill things. There is no way I would ever be some kind of special chosen one.”

“You’re right,” the rabbit says. “You’re not actually special.”

“At all,” the Chinese dragon says. “You are, in many ways, miserably average. I mean, I’ll give you this, you’re smart and hardworking. Well, at least the hard working part, given that you just gave yourself an aneurysm studying for an exam. I can’t help but think that if you were smart you could have avoided that.”

You’d had a terrible headache.

No. Bullshit. You’re not dead, this is an anxiety dream because of the headache making you feel like you were going to have a stroke. That’s a figure of speech. Guys your age do not actually have strokes, not even if they’ve been up for 32 hours writing papers and studying for exams and have been mainlining caffeine and energy drinks the entire time. The one dose of Adderall you were able to get from your roommate’s friend would have worn off a long time ago, that was more than 12 hours ago.

“Lemme guess,” you say. “You’re the Power of Kindness” – you point at the unicorn – “you’re the Power of Honesty—” the rabbit—“and you’re the Power of Being An Asshole.”

All three of them start laughing hysterically at this.

“He has you figured, Hundun,” the rabbit says.

“Oh, absolutely! And Eufy, all ‘pwetty pwease people don’t be mean to each over…’”

“It is true you’re fairly blunt, Petra,” the unicorn says, chuckling. “As for Hundun… we need to work together so let’s not go there.”

“It’s more like Order, Chaos and Harmony,” Petra, which is apparently the rabbit’s name, says.

“Called it. This is some kind of weird MLP fanfic my brain is making up,” you say.

“Or Change and Transformation, Stability, and the necessary balance between them that allows life to exist,” the unicorn says. “Or Rebellion, Doing What You’re Told, and Working Things Out. Conflict, Top-Down Unity via Enforcement, and Collaboration. Fire, earth and water.”

“So where’s air?” you ask skeptically.

Hundun the Chinese dragon sighs dramatically. “STEM students. Have you never heard of an analogy?”

“The Trains Run On Time, The Trains May Be Somewhat Delayed Because There Are a Lot of Trains, and When the Fuck Is This Train Showing Up?” Petra says.

“And you’re not making any of this up,” Hundun says, “because, trust me, you’re not that imaginative.”

#wip #alara original fiction

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yesterdaysyearning · 5 days

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couch taurus

We should start a band together; have matching black costumes, tour in space and under the ocean. She’s funny right off the bat. She’s not my normal type – thin and femme – but perhaps that’s exactly what I need. After some scheduling issues, I walk into a coffee shop to find her with a latte and snack. She compliments my coat and earrings. I order a beverage and try to find a normal looking way to sit on the giant couch she chose. Obviously intelligent and well spoken, she has a calming yet commanding presence. My belly warms watching her hands dance as we talk about books. Let’s get drinks next week? I’ll pick a place. A question for which there’s only one answer.

A bar with elaborate mocktails – I fumble trying to eat the accompanying orange and she promises she won’t watch me finish. I feel overdressed and uncomfortable unable to cross my legs on the bar stool. Always direct and composed, I’m often caught off guard as she walks us through a million basic and in-depth topics. She pulls off her black hoodie slowly to reveal inked pale skin. I swallow hard. We head to the new queer bar and the welcoming atmosphere instantly relaxes me. Small touches, we lean into each other as we talk creative projects and movies. There’s a moment outside, but we both hesitate. We slip inside separate taxis.

I supply a list of options for the next date – a cozy night in at mine is the top pick. She’s a Taurus who loves cocooning, after all. White button up paired with green eyeshadow and hair pulled back. I want to tell her she looks beautiful, but my weird neighbour gets in the elevator with us. She adores my place. Snacks and a quick catch up before Buffy. She’s freezing so she curls up beside me and I wrap my hands around hers – a prayer for warmth. A short break to talk about the elephants in the room. She practices solo-polyamory and has two other partners. I’m divorced and still working out my exact sexual orientation. Oh, you have major lesbian energy. She wants to be treated like a princess but is a top. I can work with that. Should we make out now? She makes me take the lead – it’s soft and lovely but lacking a certain hunger. Do you want to have an edible and watch Charlies Angels? In bed, she lays on my chest while I play with her hair and stroke her arms. We laugh and I float. I’m disoriented when I walk her outside. Did I just get high with a stranger? More importantly, is Bosley gay?

There’s very little texting or banter in between. She’s busy and traveling for work. I don’t have any of the usual anxiety or obsessive thoughts about when I’m going to hear from her next. I keep asking my friends, is this what secure attachment feels like or do I just not like her very much?

She wants to hang out during the holiday break – I warn her that I hate Christmas and am not a festive person. I arrive at her fancy ass apartment building with a bag full of tongue in cheek snacks, including chocolate Santas on a stick. We do an awkward hug as she ushers me. Her place is nice but chaotic. Clothes strewn about; every inch of surface is covered with something. I try and balance on a corner of the couch as she intently watches me eat some kind of Italian cookie she made. I’m polite but I hate it. Seeing her in this space alters my image of her. Everything feels different – or perhaps I just realize that we are nothing alike. We move to the bed, and she snuggles under my arm. I sit stiffly trying to hold in my visceral hatred for the movie she picked (The Muppets Christmas Carol). The movie ends and she tells me I can spend the night, or just stay and make out for a bit. I want to want to stay – to kiss her and feel her skin against mine. But I don’t. I make excuses of tiredness and leave without as much as a peck on the cheek.

A few days later I text to tell her that I think she’s wonderful, but I don’t think we’re compatible romantically. She understands and appreciates me reaching out. My first adult “there’s no spark” conversation and it goes fine. I feel almost nothing, and I wonder what’s wrong with me.

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crisishauntline · 8 months

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It is fucking heartbreaking to sit next to the person you love as they wordlessly unravel. It happened again today, like it’s played out many times before: her hand limp in mine, shoulders shaking, breath catching on choked sobs, not saying a single word. And I just sit there feeling like an asshole, all my questions, pleas, and offers of support hanging uselessly in the air.

I hated getting out of the car with her still in that state today, hated how the door slammed while she was mid-sob. But I needed tonight to myself. I had actually intended to write a song for her for her birthday, but haven't had time to work on it due to the amount of time we spend together, and the proportion of that time we spend fighting or afraid of fighting. Anyway, she told me she would be ok for the night, then called me an hour later to ask me to come over. I went against the boundary I’d set, as I’ve unhelpfully taught myself to do, and went. Oh, and did I mention she lives two blocks from me now?

Today’s unraveling started during our couples therapy session. Lately she has been feeling very nauseous, achy, fatigued, and emotionally overwhelmed by all the chronic bad feelings. She’s also acknowledged sadness and fear about the relationship in light of her chronic health issues, but hasn’t wanted to share much with me. Both of us seem to feel misunderstood or unheard, no matter how hard we’re trying to explain and listen. We really are trying. What’s hardest for me to navigate—and to express kindly—is that she always occupies the role of the victim in any conflict we have. When I feel disappointed by something she’s done (or more often than not, won’t or can’t do), the cause is usually her pain, illness, or fatigue, which means it would be unfair of me to blame or be upset with her. Even if I do have cause to be frustrated (like with her drinking), I know she won’t have the emotional and/or physical capacity to adequately address the matter in those moments. So over and over again, I have to just let things go without being too disappointed, always being patient and calm and understanding and humble, and if I do bring it up, process it as quickly and apologetically as possible or she will think I hate her and want to leave.

Conversely, when something I do causes her pain or anxiety, she rarely has the reserves of energy, mood, self-esteem, etc. to either let it go or process it with me quickly. Instead, even small stumbles can send her over the edge of despair and require hours of talking, weeping, cuddling, and massage to work through. This time the hurt was that she had to wait for me in the driveway for 20 minutes, after a long day and when she was in pain, because I didn’t see her text saying she’d arrived, or notice how much time had passed since she told me she was coming. I should have responded better, with an apology and promise to do better, rather than immediately following my “sorry” with saying she should have just called me. But I also remember after some previous time blindness incidents that I’d asked her to call me in situations like this, though she swears that conversation never happened. But let’s say she’s right, and I was fully in the wrong—is this really an offense that warranted hours of tearful discussion and confused silence to work through?

I am tired of holding so much of her pain while feeling so clueless, constantly guilty, and alone in the relationship. I am also more disappointed than I want to be that she can’t give me the kind of comforting touch that I give her. I fucking love receiving massages, being held, getting fucked to completion. I love giving her those things, but every time I do I can’t help yearning for her to give them in kind. Most of the time, she just can’t, so bringing it up would be cruel and pointless.

She has been expressing more gratitude for the intimacy and acts of service I bring to the relationship since the big turnaround, which means a lot to me. But the fact is that being close to her is no longer for closeness’s own sake. It is more about giving her love, safety, and comfort than sharing them. She says there’s nowhere she feels safer than in my arms. I so wish I felt the same about her. I did, at least for a little while, right when we got back together. When I was worried I’d need too much caretaking from her, that I couldn’t ask her to carry the despair I was feeling in addition to her own struggles. I think I was right.

#personal #love life #Spotify

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mbti-notes · 3 years

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hi i’m an istj. i fear the problem im going to describe is resolved by being more Te proactive and taking on more leader responsibilities and failing. just typing that out makes me feel burned out and miserable. anyway i get involved with groups that align with my values to get things done but it always feels like i somehow join things that aren’t as efficient as i’d want them to be or stagnate. at the same time that i have strong opinions about what to do i resent having to take on more responsibility to enact it. i want to be part of an established, moral, process/group but it seems like everything is in flux all the time. just making sure: is this Te-Ne dysfunction ?

Your question is about type development. An important aspect of type development is understanding the weaknesses and flaws of your type, in terms of the ways that your type tends to misuse functions. You seem to believe that your problem boils down to a simple lack of desire to lead in group situations (weak Te?), but it probably goes far deeper than that.

Si-Ne problems often manifest as a general aversion to change, specifically, unwillingness to change how one looks at a situation, which would then significantly alter one's approach to it. Imbalance between Si and Ne becomes a very unhealthy stubbornness when one is also prone to Si-Fi loop that thinks in terms of pure absolutes. In essence, you believe what you believe and you want what you want, and nothing and nobody can break through that mental wall. Perhaps not even you.

Auxiliary development is meant to help with Si extremes and Si-Fi loop stubbornness by making you care more about empirical facts (Te) than your frustration (Fi). It isn't always easy to develop the auxiliary function when you come to believe that it interferes with what makes Si feel most comfortable (e.g. "just typing that out makes me feel burned out and miserable"). If using the auxiliary function feels so "tiring", it doesn't mean that you should avoid using it. Quite the contrary. It's an indication that you haven't yet learned to use it properly, which means further development is necessary.

Te wants efficiency, that much is true. However, what separates immature Te from mature Te is how exactly one conceptualizes "efficiency". When Te is immature, one has a very rudimentary understanding of how to be efficient. For example, one is likely to believe that efficiency is achieved through assertiveness or even brute force, i.e., "making" things happen despite all the obstacles in the way. Is it any wonder that using Te feels tiring, then? You're essentially forcing yourself to swim against the current. Si doms are painfully aware that their energy is finite, so they quickly run out of steam.

However, Te isn't really about mustering up energy. This is not what makes TJs smart, strong, and formidable. Mature Te conceptualizes efficiency as reducing the amount of energy required whenever possible, which is why they have a lot of energy to take on very heavy workloads - some people call it "working smart". This is done through facing the empirical facts of a situation head on and learning to work closely with them, which makes it far easier to make them work in your favor.

Your problem requires a two pronged attack:

Are you able to change how you look at situations in order to improve your approach (to address Si-Ne imbalance)?

Are you able to face the empirical facts of the situation and work with them rather than against them (to develop better use of Te)?

Wanting to be part of a process/group that aligns with your values in order to enact some good in the world is an admirable thing to strive for. Presumably, the other people involved in the group have the same sense of mission, otherwise, they wouldn't have joined. However, what you fail to take into account is that people aren't generally single-minded.

Human beings are complex because they are motivated by a multitude of factors, whether they realize it or not. They are full of psychological conflicts, contradictory desires, irrational impulses, old baggage, and unconscious bad habits. And when you bring people together, all that stuff comes out and creates complicated entanglements. A "group" only becomes a "team" when it is able to overcome those psychological obstacles together, and it can be a very long process of learning how to maximize strengths and mitigate weaknesses in every individual member. That's why a lot of groups simply fall apart. While your intention to join the group seems simple and straightforward (because Si-Te is admirable in its ability to keep things simple and straightforward), other people's intentions might not be so simple. If you fail to take into account the irrational aspects of human nature, you will cause yourself needless suffering.

Your frustration with people is likely a manifestation of your unrealistic expectations of them. Perhaps you aren't able to understand people who don't resemble you, let alone work with them. And you will certainly be doomed to fail if the only way Te knows to deal with individual differences is to force everyone to become more like you. That's an impossible task, not because it requires the energy of a thousand suns as you assume, but because you're choosing to fight against reality. Mature Te would advise that you should first face down the empirical facts of how people operate if you hope to discover the most effective way to influence them. Your repeated experience of feeling disenchanted with groups tells you that you're missing an important piece of knowledge about groups and how they operate.

I'll give you a very simple example from my own life. I used to gather with a group of 30-50 people once a week to conduct planned discussions. The discussions never really started on time despite everyone being in their seats because people weren't focused enough at the start of the session. There was often whispering and sidetalking and such that would go on for about half an hour before the room felt settled and focused.

One method of addressing the problem arose organically. Whoever was the main speaker simply started shushing people and it became a thing. Sometimes, it would even escalate to calling people out, like a teacher scolding a student in a classroom. This definitely made the social atmosphere less inviting and more tense. Sure, people would shut up after being called out, but they became less focused due to seething with resentment. Power struggles aren't great for group morale, especially if it's supposed to be a group of equals coming together for a common cause.

It all sounds quite childish, but these kinds of judgments are useless. You can call people childish, inefficient, incompetent, etc etc, but it doesn't solve the problem. And, worse, being judgmental blocks you from understanding people better and working with them. Perhaps an ISTJ would see this as a "mess", an "inefficiency" that wastes time, and evidence of bad character when people break the rules.

However, if you change the way you look at the situation, you might not be so quick to make such judgments. Actually, it's kind of weird for a bunch of people who know each other well to enter a room and immediately sit down quietly. Humans have a natural tendency to socialize as a way to strengthen interpersonal bonds. Isn't group cohesiveness a good thing, since it encourages better cooperation? If you are able to see the benefits of their chatty behavior and how it contributes to group cohesiveness, then instead of fighting against it, you would think of ways to harness it.

The real problem wasn't inefficiency; inefficiency was merely the symptom. The more primary problem was that a lot of people joined the group not just to "get things done", but also to make friends. The structure of the event denied them from fulfilling that important need and then they were more likely to act out. This problem was discovered when people had a chance to talk about what was frustrating them, which meant that the group had to make space to conduct some uncomfortable conversations.

To address the problem, the group eventually decided that the first 15 minutes would be devoted to socializing and allowing people to catch up, with the explicit promise to get down to business when the time was up. Some people brought drinks, others brought snacks. Some even showed up early to have more time to socialize. It enlivened people and enriched their relationships. Being "officially" allowed to get the chattiness out of their system, they were better able to sit down and focus on the planned agenda. The meeting felt like fun rather than a chore. And if you're interested in a cause, don't you want to recruit more people to support it? Making things more fun is one good way to attract support. You can look at it as wasting 15 minutes OR you can look at it as a 15 minute investment.

Solutions to human problems require:

cognitive empathy: figuring out what's really going on inside people's heads (in Te terms it means working only with the empirical facts of the situation, rather than indulging negative Fi judgments)

strategy: taking the time to work with people and figuring out the best way to help them get over obstacles (in Te terms it means investing energy early and wisely to maximize your returns later, rather than putting effort into the wrong places or only stepping in to tackle mere symptoms of the problem)

creativity: harnessing natural human tendencies to produce something useful or worthwhile (in Te terms in means taking what's already there and transforming it into a NET positive, rather than getting too fixated on every little negative detail and losing sight of the bigger picture)

Te can be a great function for dealing with human problems as long as you overcome the immature aspects of it, such as impatience, bluntness, or inflexibility. Every person is unique, so every group is different. Let go of the idea that there is only one way to approach a problem/conflict and you will start to be more creative in your approach. By accepting the fact that things are always in flux and using empirical evidence to understand and predict how change works, TJs become much more effective and efficient at everything they do. When it comes to people, meeting someone different from you is an opportunity to learn how to deal with that kind of person. The more knowledge you have of human psychology under your belt, the better you get at dealing with people's weird or negative tendencies. If a strategy works, use it again. If it doesn't work, adjust it to fit their psychology better.

In your situation, you see the problem as people being inefficient, so your inclination is to step forward and do something to "make" them more efficient. Humans aren't built with the prime directive to be efficient. They're not machines. Their psychology is messy, so trying to force them to behave like a machine is to force them to go against their psychology. In other words, you're choosing the least efficient approach. The more efficient approach, though it requires more intelligent thinking on your part (you want to become more intelligent, right?), is to properly understand the more primary problem of what's really causing them to be so inefficient in the first place. That is the way to discover the right strategy. If you are able to target those obstacles at the very root, efficiency improves more naturally.

Oftentimes, working smart doesn't require you to step up and be THE leader for everyone. As an introvert, it's probably more comfortable for you to work behind the scenes to talk to people, get a better idea of what they need and/or what problems they're experiencing, and incrementally remove the obstacles that are preventing them from focusing on what they should be focused on. You can't fix everything all at once, so just do what you can to fix what you are able to fix at any given point in time. It's a process and some progress is better than no progress.

#istj #auxiliary te #fi loop #inferior ne #te #efficiency #problem solving #working smart #creativity #change #perspective #social skills #ask

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