#I remember that so well! a triumph of messaging really
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cute thing I have learned during this conference: a couple different players are working in the quantum computing space, and specifically working on encryption protection algorithms to defend against attacks---these algorithms are called "kyber" and "dilithium" respectively.
nerds.
#this is like a previous conference I attended where they discussed different merger&acquisition concepts#in terms of different courses of food. so there was the amuse-bouche the main course etc.#I remember that so well! a triumph of messaging really#.....also I know a lot more about technology than I thought I did. kind of impressed by myself#that I can at least keep up with discussions of encryption standards and interoperability/data cleansing etc.#no wonder the company has to secretly manipulate you
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Oooh I have a request! The youngest Itoshi f!sibling neglected over many years after both brothers prioritse football. Has a moment of realisation and decides to put herself first and move on. Stops messaging in family chats, calling, birthday wishes, festive greetings etc. Moving on and finding better for oneself ~~!
Synopsis: Itoshi Y/N was never the first priority when it came to her parents and her two older brothers that were pursuing football. She has a moment of realization that no matter what she does she will never be any of their top priorities, and so she decides to cut off contact with her family and pursue her own passion of sport.
Content Warnings: angst, u realize ur self-worth, neglect, platonic!Rin Itoshi x reader, platonic!Sae Itoshi x reader, good ending
Word Count: 788
Author’s Note: I tried to fill in the blanks for some of this, I hope it’s to your liking, dearest!Tysm for the request! Requests are still open!
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There was another family-friend reunion of sorts happening and Y/N had to sit at the far side of the table as she constantly heard her parents boast of her brothers’ accomplishments. She sighed and just stared at her plate aimlessly toying with her food as nobody spared a single glance her way, until one random adult spoke up,
“And what does your nice daughter over here do?”
She quickly perked her head up with slight excitement from the attention and said,
“Oh well I do [insert sport]!”
The adult politely smiled at her comment and was about to respond until her brother, Sae, finally walked into the room and everyone directed their attention towards him leaving Y/N forgotten once more. With some disappointment in her eyes she just turned back to her plate and continued to silently stare while listening to everything around her. Everyone was congratulating Sae on his triumphs and his becoming of an international star, he simply nodded not really showing much care as he was only visiting Japan for a few days before leaving again. Rin was brought up into the conversation too, being praised for becoming another upcoming star, Rin followed his brother’s actions in nodding and mainly staying silent. Hunched over in her chair, Y/N slowly turned her head to her brothers’ direction, watching as they were showered in compliments and praise while she was just the only person sitting at the table now. Rin looked in her direction and saw her staring, but acted as if it was nothing and directed his attention to the adults praising him as if he were a god of sorts. She decided to stop her staring and focused on her plate once more while thinking,
I’m tired.
I want to go to my room and sleep.
I wonder how [friend’s name] is doing at [insert sport].
I want to go to the [insert sport] meeting.
Nobody would notice if I leave anyways, I’m kind of worthless staying here.
Why do I even bother trying to be part of this family?
As her mind continued to wander, she quietly got up and walked out. Nobody even noticed she left. Her mother didn’t notice, her father didn’t notice, Rin didn’t notice, and Sae most certainly did not notice nor cared to. Y/N called her friend to ask if the [insert sport] meeting was still going on, and thankfully it was as she rushed to the train station to get there. Once she had arrived she swore she would no longer affiliate herself with her family due to the countless years of neglect and missed opportunities her family caused for her. She also swore she would practice [insert sport] extremely hard and become even more known than her brothers.
As time passed she kept to her oath and did not communicate with her family at all, not even sending any holiday messages and such. She still missed her brothers very much as she remembered them trying to teach her how to kick a ball into a goal when she was very little. She grew sad at the thought, but remembered she was no longer going to try and be the initiator to try and get their attention. If her brothers wished to speak to her, then they must do so themselves. She slowly but surely made her way to the top of [insert sport] and became internationally known just like her brothers. As she was about to get up from her seat, she heard her phone buzz and saw it was from an old group-chat that consisted of her, Sae, and Rin. There was 5 minutes until she had to go out, but she opened the message which read from Rin,
“Good luck we’re out here if you need anything”
She took a slight peek and scanned the crowds until she spotted Sae and Rin sitting amongst the crowd with both their arms crossed. She smiled to herself; she finally was able to be seen by her brothers once more.
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#bllk angst#bllk fluff#bllk x reader#blue lock x reader#platonic#itoshi rin angst#itoshi rin x reader#itoshi sae x reader#itoshi sae angst
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you’re my bestfriend
please dni if not 18+ thank u! eren jaeger x reader
modern!au
this blurb is eren x fem!reader, if you guys would want to see some gender neutral fics just let me know in my asks inbox! i’m open to any suggestions, if you want a fic that’s specifically tailored to you whether that be race-wise, gender-wise, any disabilities, etc,. just let me know!
likes/reblogs/comments are always appreciated:D
this blurb has been proofread but if i missed something just let me know!
a/n: this fic is basically the embodiment of my deepest desires. i will never get over slow burn friends to lovers trope. especially like when they like started as childhood friends and grew with each other like i will actually start sobbing.
A/N after finishing: this may be my favorite fic i’ve ever written
side note: i originally had eren driving an audi r8 but him driving a pick up truck is a very necessary part of the fic n you’ll see why :D
warnings: language, alcohol consumption, drug use(just weed), smut [slight breeding kink, creampie, oral f!receiving]
word count: 13.9k words
summary: love can only be ignored for so long.
eren loves telling the story of how the two of you became such good friends. and he doesn’t love telling it because it’s such a heartwarming story. he just loves to see how you get all
embarrassed.
eren always starts the story the same, regardless of his audience: “flashback, nine years...”
eren can’t recall every explicit detail from middle school, but he can remember the sheer awkwardness of being 12. eren knows he was a bit of a nerd in middle school, constantly watching minecraft building tutorials, and still playing with action figures( he’d take that one to his grave, though).
that’s why eren’s first interaction with you was completely new territory. obviously eren knew girls were like....a thing, but he had never really talked to any besides mikasa. he’d had small crushes, but he never confessed, too scared of being rejected.
but, you, you were a weird one. too intriguing for him to ignore. he really hadn’t ever noticed you before you had sent him that first message. his mom had finally allowed him to get kik, after putting up with his incessant begging for months.
he felt so cool getting the app that was such big talk around school. after watching tutorials, he could finally work it properly and was messaging back with armin and mikasa constantly.
eren can easily recall that fateful day that the kik notification flashed across his screen. he figured it was a message from mikasa, or a funny minecraft meme from armin, and he grabbed his phone with giddy excitement.
to find a message from, you. eren had cocked his head in slight confusion. you and eren had never talked before. sure, you sat two rows to the front and three seats to the left of him in history, but you’d never held an actual conversation before.
eren could feeling himself getting nervous now, his finger inching towards your message.
every time eren tells this story, he makes sure to include this next part: “i swear to god i let out an actual gasp when i read the message. i think y/n ruined my innocence,” and it is always followed with your “fuck off” being shouted from somewhere in the room.
the impending message of anticipation, of doom, read,
hey papi >0<
eren just sat for a moment, staring at his screen before wondering if he should ask armin for advice. papi? what is that supposed to mean?
after three minutes of contemplation, eren figured he could handle this one on his own. he carefully constructed his response before hitting send,
umm hi?
eren felt a strange sense of triumph. his first ever message to a girl. he thinks he handled it pretty well.
you were quickly responding, and that washed away eren’s triumph with more nerves.
lmao it was a dare from my friend
oh. you had probably only texted eren to tease him. he felt the butterflies in his stomach turn into clumps as he typed back his reply.
oh haha which friend?
he waited eagerly for you reply.
her name’s lily, she lives in texas, but we’re playing minecraft together :3
eren would’ve never taken you as someone who like video games. his little heart couldn’t take how fast it was beating. eren didn’t know what else to say besides,
oh i see
god, why was he so stupid? he could’ve said he liked minecraft too, he could’ve kept the conversation going. instead, it reached its inevitable end, your simple reply being,
yep
fuck, he’d scared you away, hadn’t he? eren put his hand over his mouth quickly. that was the first time he’d ever cursed.
you were bringing out the worst in him.
he threw his phone on his bed before putting his head in his hands with a whine fit for a 12 year old boy.
the next time eren had talked to you was at the end of the year school dance.
unbeknownst to him, you had mutual friends, or a mutual friend, mikasa. she had gone with a group of girls to the dance, claiming she didn’t want to be stuck around “you two bozos all night,” in reference to eren and armin.
eren can vividly remember this next moment, even with the strobe lights blinding his vision. he remembers mikasa trying to push you into him in an anything-but-subtle manner.
he remembers the faint smell of your shampoo. apples? it suited you.
and he remembers how quickly you scurried away from him with a small, “sorry!”.
he remembers feeling like he grossed you out.
and most importantly, he remembers the joy he got when he saw your message that night before bed.
sorry about tonight. it must of made you uncomfortable with mikasa pushing me into you.
you were much more formal in this message, and overly apologetic, eren thought. you had no reason to be sorry, it wasn’t your fault. he wanted to talk to the same person he had talked to those 2 months ago.
haha it’s alright it was pretty crowded in there anyways
would the ‘haha’ be enough? eren was visibily stressed, gnawing on his bottom lip as he waited for you to message back.
thanks for understanding sorry again eren
had he read that right. did you type out his name? why’d it look so pretty in your message? it had never looked like that before.
eren fell asleep imagining his name falling from your lips.
though eren can recall those specific memories easily, he can’t trace back to an exact moment in which the two of you declared your friendship. he remembers the first time you hung out, the two of you with mikasa, armin, sasha, connie, and jean.
he remembers watching you play guitar hero and thinking you were so fucking cool. he can also remember the jealously that began brewing in his chest when he watched how comfortably you spoke to jean.
the two of you didn’t talk much that night besides eren handing you a piece of pizza on a plate. your smile and soft ‘thank you’ made his heart feel like he was about to have a stroke.
he couldn’t have gone home happier.
eren doesn’t know if his romantic feelings for you just disappeared over time. he doesn’t think they did. he knows they didn’t.
eren would describe his feelings for you as coming in waves. some days the tide would be strong, and on others, it would barely brush the shoreline.
as your relationship began to gradually progress and as you became closer friends, eren found no room for his romantic feelings. he didn’t want to risk losing what he was so gracious to even have. your friendship was better than nothing.
that fear of rejection always found a way of creeping back in.
and here you were now, 21, in a random living room with his basketball team and some of your friends, and he was telling this exact story.
though, as he told this story, and as he had in the many retellings before, he was leaving out the most fundamental part.
eren still loved you.
he attempted to convince himself that it was merely platonic.
that did not work.
so, he ended up concluding that he could ignore what he felt for you. he could try to.
he remembers having a serious girlfriend in highschool, and at the beginning of their relationship, eren remembers wishing you were jealous.
but, you weren’t. you supported him and cheered him on. you even congratulated him on dating someone so pretty, your exact words being, “what’s she doing with you, she could do so much better, give her my number!”
after that relationship ended, eren’s feelings for you were only magnified. he would never tell you this, but it ended because his girlfriend knew he was in love with you.
he thinks that he did love her, she was kind to him, and pretty.
but she wasn’t you.
and for all his relationships thereafter, he found himself holding every romantic partner to the standards at which he regarded you, and no one lived up to those. this led to eren’s slew of pointless hookups and his renowned title as a “playboy.”
eren could be in a relationship if he wanted to. hell, he was captain of his college’s basketball team, and though he broke some hearts, it was never intentional.
he felt bad because he’d never intended to hurt anyone. eren had always been straightforward with his intentions, and had never made any promises that he knew he wouldn’t be able to keep.
he just simply didn’t want a relationship if it wasn’t with you.
and as he sipped his beer, and listened to his teammate make some joke, his eyes gravitated towards you, like they always did. you were talking to some girl from your chem class that you had invited. she had been quiet for most of the party, rarely chirping in during conversation.
that’s another thing, eren thinks that his love for you is also fueled by admiration. you’re so friendly, and people gravitate towards you, even though you deny it. eren’s always found it difficult to blend in, but you make it so easy for everyone around you.
and as he watched you smile and hold a stupid conversation, he could visibly see how the girl relaxed. you made people comfortable. you made him comfortable.
you could feel his eyes on you, and you turned to him, smiling cheekily before turning back to your friend.
you were going to be the death of him.
“ren’, come on, you can’t smoke in here,” you chastised eren before turning back to your chemistry textbook.
“come on angel,” eren muttered around the joint in his mouth, “there’s a reason there’s these private study rooms, and for me, personally, in order to study i need some recreational motivation.”
eren cast his signature grin towards you before bringing the lighter towards his joint. “eren s’gonna smell,” you warned, to which he simply shrugged his shoulders.
“at least open the window,” you begged, trying to focus on your work.
“fine, don’t get your panties in a twist,” eren puffed out after inhaling. he walked over to the window, fumbling with the latch for a minute, muttering a ‘fuck’ and ‘why would they make this so fuckin’ difficult’ before he finally got it open.
eren sat on the ledge, his legs dangling out of the window. “s’nice out today,” he hummed thoughtfully. upon your lack of reply, eren turned around to look at you. your eyes were slightly squinted as you tried to make more sense of the words on the page. you were muttering to yourself, which eren found rather endearing, might he add.
“we should go to the beach,” he said, still looking at you. you looked up at him, raising your eyebrows, “eren,” you sighed. “c’mon,” he pleaded softly, his feet back on the ground of the study room.
“you study so much, you should take a break,” eren reasoned, coming up behind your chair now. his hands found their way to your shoulders, making you suck in a sharp breath that you hoped wasn’t noticeable.
“y/n, i can literally feel the knots forming in your back already, you’re gonna be like dead by 40.”
he was massaging your shoulders as he continued to ramble. you let his smell invade your senses, the woody scent of his cologne, the hint of weed from the joint he had just smoked, and something like a sweet cinnamon smell.
“y’know you needa fix your posture,” eren teased, his hands falling from your shoulders. “oh fuck off,” you laughed softly before closing your textbook.
you didn’t miss the excitement that lit up in eren’s eyes at the small action. “let’s go, ren’,” you groaned softly, attempting to mask your own joy as you began packing up your school items.
“yes, fuck yes!” eren grinned, grabbing his backpack that had yet to be unpacked for the entirety of the study session.
you honestly don’t know how eren convinced you to do half of the things that he did. for example, this moment right now.
you had made it to the beach, and you and eren laid on a beach towel as the sun set. he ended up laying his head in your lap, which prompted him to force you to braid his hair.
he was rather demanding, and you told him as such, “i’m so surprised you’re not an only child,” to which eren scoffed and attempted to head butt your stomach, which only resulted in a slap to the forehead from you.
“ow!”
but that was an hour ago. now, you and eren were in the water, the both of you stripped down to your underwear. you were thankful that you had decided to wear a bra today, otherwise your bare tits and eren would have had an unlikely meeting.
he had somehow convinced you to go swimming, even though you tried to rationalize, “we don’t have swimsuits,” to which eren replied, “underwear, swimsuits, same thing.”
and he wasn’t necessarily wrong, but you wish he would’ve been. the water was cold, and yet you, you were anything but freezing.
in fact, you felt extremely hot, your face burning under the intensity of eren’s gaze.
it almost felt too cliche, the way you felt drawn to eren in that moment. he must of felt it too, because almost subconsciously, the two of you started to navigate closer to each other.
your faces were inches apart, your lips so close to brushing when eren whispered, “eyelash,” his thumb brushing across your cheek. that fucking asshole.
you couldn’t help the visible pout that made its way onto your face, eren softly laughing, “what’s the matter?” you chose to respond with actions rather than words, splashing eren with water.
“oh you’re dead,” he grinned, wading over to you now. you attempted to turn and run, looking back at him over your shoulder, but the water slowed your movements. “ren’, no! eren, eren no please!” you were laughing around your words as eren lifted you over his shoulder.
“did it to yourself, princess,” you swore you felt him softly slap your ass before he was dunking you underwater.
you came back up wiping at your eyes and coughing softly. “i’m gonna stab you one day, jaeger,”
“i’d love to see you try.”
“where’d you go?” eren whisper-shouted into your ear, the bass of the song playing was vibrating the walls of the living room.
“had to piss,” you yelled back, eren laughing softly. “wanna dance?” eren asked, his voice muted slightly by the music. you just nodded with a grin, grabbing eren’s hands and dragging him through the mass of bodies.
soon after you had made your way to the center of the poorly-coordinated mosh pit, sky by playboi carti started playing. you turned to eren, mouth open in an o, eren grinning at your silly expression.
you were close to each other, but that wasn’t that weird considering the other bodies pushing up against yours. you and eren began rapping the lyrics to one another, eren doing silly hand movements in front of your face causing you to laugh around the lyrics.
“she my bestfriend, yeah we not a couple,” eren’s arms were linking around your lower back now, pulling you closer to him as he continued singing the lyrics.
and you were attempting to be playful back, but you couldn’t really focus when you could smell his cologne, feel his stare and that annoying fucking smirk. you attempted to mask your flustered state with a light-hearted contempt.
eventually, the song ended and eren’s hand was falling to your hip, pulling you closer to him so that he could whisper in your ear. “you wan’ a refill?” he half-shouted over the music, to which you nodded, grabbing eren’s hand and dragging him towards the kitchen.
as the music and noise became muffled behind the kitchen walls, you were reaching into the bucket full of ice and grabbing two smirnoffs for you and eren. there were a few other people scattered throughout the kitchen as you turned around to hand eren one of the bottles. you leaned back against the countertop, watching eren pop his bottle open with his teeth.
he handed the bottle to you, grabbing the one from your hands, the brush of your fingers against his doing something to your heart that it should not have.
eren grinned at you after popping the cap off his bottle, taking a swig. “wonder where sash’ and connie went,” you said absentmindedly, sipping on your drink. “if i had to take a guess, sasha is in the pantry and con’ is probably trying to hold her back.”
you laughed softly, smiling at eren but before you could bounce off his joke with your own, someone was yelling, “body shots!”
once the words registered in eren’s head, he was giving you that cheeky smile, grabbing your hand and dragging you towards the center of the kitchen. people had begun filtering in from the other rooms of the fraternity house as jean began setting down shot glasses, limes, salt, and tequila on the kitchen table.
jean stood on a chair, a couple whistles and ‘woops’ sounding out for him as he began talking, “as president of this lovely chapter of sigma alpha, it’s my job to carry on one of our most faithful traditions,” he got more whistles at that, his fraternity brothers cheering him on. what odd specimen.
“and, you all came here tonight for some fun, yeah?” the huddled crowd got louder at that. “then without further ado,” jean huffed, hopping down from his chair, “can i get a pretty volunteer up here?”
girls began pushing their way past each other, and so much for wondering where sasha was. there she appeared next to you, a donut in hand. “you should do it,” she mumbled around a mouthful, pushing you towards the front of the crowd.
eren opened his mouth in rebuttal, but you were already at the front, lined up beside fourteen other girls. jean smiled when he saw you make your way into the line, beginning his presidential speech once more, “now ladies, thank you for your dutiful service,” laughs filled the room at his small joke, “but it seems i’ll only need one volunteer.”
he began walking along the line with murmurs of “who to pick, choices, choices.” you knew jean was fucking with you, he knew you best out of all these girls and if he was being honest with himself, he’d been dying to get with you.
that task proved to be difficult, though, with eren as your guard dog.
now was his chance.
making his way down the line once more, he stopped in front of you, “now what’s your name?” jean teased, grinning at you. “y/n,” you said simply, “and yours?” the crowd oooo’ed at that, and you could hear eren’s laugh behind you.
“feisty, i like it,” “oh fuck off kirstein,” you laughed, brushing past him to sit atop the table. you began pouring tequila into one of the shot glasses before sitting back on your arms.
“are you gonna do it?” you grinned at jean, his eyes glinting with something unreadable as he smirked at you, “or do you not have the balls?” once more the crowd was hollering at your response, and jean was making his way over the table with a new determination.
he softly grabbed at your shoulder, pushing you to lay down flat on the table, your legs dangling off the edge. he grabbed a lime, chuckling around a husk, “open,” before placing the lime in your mouth.
he began sprinkling salt on the dip of your cleavage, leaning down to whisper in your ear, “tryna’ embarass me in front of everyone, huh?” a soft laugh falling from his lips as he grabbed the shot of tequila.
“to y/n!” jean shouted, the crowd falling in close pursuit, cheering as jean downed the shot of tequila. he was quickly leaning to lick the salt off of your body, the heat of his tongue shocking your system.
and then before you could even recover, his lips were on yours as he sucked the lime from your mouth and into his. he lingered for a moment longer, leaning up and spitting out the lime as he raised his arms with a smile.
his frat brothers came up behind him quickly, patting him on the back, and putting him in a chokehold. you sat up with a soft laugh, looking around the kitchen for eren. yet, he was already walking over to you, looking somewhat, angry?
eren was clicking his tongue to the roof of his mouth with a ‘tsk tsk tsk’ before turning to jean with a cocky grin. “it can’t be over yet, can it, pres?”
he was walking over to you now, grabbing the tequila bottle of the table. “yeah body shots are fun,” the whole crowd was intrigued by eren now, he was radiating an aura that was captivating everyone’s attention, “but i like something more...nasty, so to speak.”
“open,” was all he said before bringing the bottle up to his lips, and taking a swig. you obeyed his command without even realizing, and his hand was wrapping around your neck and pulling you closer to him.
you felt it before eren’s actions registered, the liquid from his mouth falling into yours. his lips brushed against yours for the slightest second before he pulled back with a grin. the alcohol was overwhelming your senses, but even so, you could taste the faintness of cinnamon from the mints that eren was constantly chewing.
“now swallow,” he hummed, gripping your neck a little tighter so that he could feel the liquid travel down your throat. “now how’s that for a shot?” he teased, turning back to the dumbfounded crowd.
the room was quickly full of roars and cheers, eren grabbing your hand and dragging you back to the center of the floor. the crowd was quick to follow, everyone dancing once more as eren pulled you against him.
you were too hazed to worry if he could feel the quickness of your heart beat, too comfortable with eren’s hands on your hips, pushing you further against him.
he was leaning down to your ear now, whispering something, his voice traveling straight down your body, “much better than horseface, huh, angel?”
you don’t know how or what god you have to thank for it, but you and eren somehow made it back to your shared apartment. eren was rummaging through the fridge as you sat on one of the stools at the countertop, your head in your hands as you groaned slightly.
eren was humming trademark usa by baby keem, that being the last song played before you and eren had eventually decided to bid everyone farewell. and somehow, drunk of your asses, the two of you had made it back home.
“wanagrilledcheese?” eren mumbled quickly, grabbing the cheese out of the fridge. “huh?” you laughed softly, eren laughing at the sound of yours.
“do...you...want....a....grilled....cheese?” eren said very slowly, grinning all the while. “yes.....i.....do.....thank....you,” you mocked, hopping off the stool with a slight wobble and making your way into the kitchen, over to eren.
“you forgot the butter,” you jokingly chastised, grabbing some from the fridge and handing it to eren. “how could i?” he joked back, placing his hand over his heart with a ‘shocked’ expression.
you laid your head on the arm eren wasn’t using, watching him cut the butter and place the slice into the pan, the heat causing it to sizzle and bubble.
eventually he was placing the bread in and laying cheese and bread on top of the slice. “this is gonna be so good,” eren hummed mindlessly, to which you nodded in agreement.
you grabbed the chocolate milk from the fridge, the one that eren had insisted on getting the last time you were at the grocery store(though you swear he doesn’t even drink it).
you poured two glasses for you and eren , bringing them to the kitchen table and sitting down. before too long, eren was in front of you with two plates, sitting in the chair beside you.
after taking a bite, you turned to eren with a closed-mouth grin, chewing on the grilled cheese.
no joke, you were pretty sure this was the best grilled cheese you’d had in your life.
or maybe you were just drunk.
either way, you were thanking eren endlessly to which he replied, “i know, i know,” jokingly patting himself on the back.
the two of you continue eating as you told eren about connie jumping off the roof and into the pool, “i looked away for like one second and that happens!” he sighs, exasperated, causing you to laugh softly, “it was so fucking funny ren’! you shoulda’ seen his face.”
laughter was mixed in with mouthfuls of cheese and bread, and sips of chocolate milk.
why are headaches a thing?
that is the question you found yourself asking at 1:18 PM. the pounding in your head was incessant, and may have been unbearable, if not for the way eren’s arm wrapped around your stomach.
he drew you closer to him in his sleep, nuzzling his nose into your neck with a deep exhale. “g’morning,” he spoke, his voice gravely. oh, so he was awake, and yet, that was not stopping him from pressing his body against yours.
you tried to ignore it, to quell the flippant pattern of your heart beat. “morning, ren’,” you said softly.
you both laid there for a few moments, neither of you wanting to move. after attempting to slow the quickening pace of your heart, and albeit reluctantly, you went to shuffle out of bed.
“no, come back,” eren grumbled, gripping tighter on your midsection. you turned over to face him, laughing softly at him as he squinted his eyes, “ren’, we have to get up eventually.”
“10 minutes,” eren mumbled, settling his head on your chest, barely above your breasts. there came your heart again, beating like nobody’s business. you’re pretty sure eren is this close to sending you into cardiac arrest.
“heart’s beating s’fast,” eren teased softly, “yeah cause you’re like a fucking furnance, feel like i’m gonna die of heat stroke,” you scoffed, attempting to mask your flustered state.
“a furnance? what are you 80?” eren said, voice still slightly husk as he looked up at you with an amused expression.
“that’s my final straw, i’m getting up” you laughed softly, moving to get out of bed. “no, i was just playing,” eren whined, chuckling softly as he watched you slip on your his slippers.
he remembers when you gave him those as a small part to his more than extravagant birthday present.
“these are for you!” eren couldn’t help but grin at how happy you looked, grabbing the shoe box from your hand.
he grabbed the tissue paper quickly discarding it to the side to see fur slippers. he looked up with an arched brow, confusion and humor on his face.
“just a way to make sure i don’t have to see your dogs 24/7!″
“my toes are beautiful and you know it, y/n,”
eren watched you grab your phone from its charging port across the room, and the way you all too comfortably grabbed a hoodie from his drawer. “are you gonna make breakfast or what?” eren said, sitting up in bed now, back against the headboard.
you turned to him, grabbing one of his shirts off the floor and tossing it at him. “now, you know damn well how my hangover routine goes,” eren laughing softly at your tone.
“yeah, yeah, i know, starbucks and you forcing me to drive,”
“well if you know, come on then, damn.”
“i swear to god i’m never drinking again,” you groaned from the passenger seat, you and eren waiting in the starbucks line.
“you say that every time, and then end up going out that same night,” eren turned to you smirking.
“i better not be sensing judgement from the one and only, jaeger bomb”
“that was one time!” eren huffed, causing you to laugh softly.
you tease him about that constantly. the two of you had been out at one of jean’s parties, and jean’s fraternity brothers had come up to eren, begging him to join their frat. “come on, jaeger-bomb”--this for real happened, by the way--“we need you as our alpha.”
upon hearing your laughter, eren’s cheeks flushed a bright red as he knew you’d never let that one go.
and here you are, cracking up in the passenger seat of his two-seater truck as though you’re the funniest person in the world.
“fuck off,” he scoffed, laughing softly as he pulled up to order. you were about to tell him what to get you, but he was one step ahead of you, “can i get a grilled cheese, and a mocha frap with no whip. oh and also an iced matcha latte?”
you smiled at the fact that he knew your order by heart now. not that it surprised you, because you guys spent so much time together, but it just felt good. safe.
“that’ll be 17.35,″ snapped you out of it as eren thanked the barista and pulled forward. you watched him pull out his card, despite your argument with your own card in your hand. eren handed you your food and drink before bringing one hand back to the steering wheel and pulling out of the drive-thru line.
you ate your grilled cheese in quiet happiness, eren turning to look at you every so often, smiling at the tranquil expression on your face.
okay, so maybe eren was right. you did have a tendency to complain about hangovers and then go out and get drunk the very same night. for example, tonight. you couldn’t reject sasha’s invitation to karaoke, and as you always did, you dragged eren along with you.
as you scrolled through the karaoke list, the vodka thrumming in your system so sweetly, you were perfectly content in your dazed state. sasha squealed pulling you from your mind fart as she tapped incessantly on your shoulder.
“they have take a hint, we have to do it!” she exclaimed, and upon her words registering, you were sharing that same excitement. eren was simply reclined on the comfy sofa of the karaoke room booth, watching you with a hint of amusement.
somehow, you and sasha managed to scramble on stage with two mics as the music began. you started to jokingly strut around one another as the music began playing as sasha started singing tori’s line.
the song ended with some squeaky high-notes and less-than-par dance moves, but eren couldn’t help but grin from his seat as he watched you move around the stage, all care-free and pretty.
“you know my mom gave me this recipe,” eren hummed around the spoon, tasting the pasta sauce. “needs some more basil,” he muttered under his breath, reaching into the spice cabinet.
“i remember her making it for us before homecoming, you remember that?” you laughed softly at the memory, eren joining in.
it was your freshman year homecoming, and you were very much still in your awkward phase, as was eren. you wore a sparkly, poofy, yellow dress, and eren matched in a poorly-fitting black suit, with a yellow spongebob tie.
after pictures with armin and mikasa, you and eren went back to his house, where his mom was making her infamous rotini pasta. you still remember eren spilling some on his suit, and the mouthful he got from carla.
“god,” eren sighed around a soft chuckle, “she was so mad at me for spilling it on myself.”
“well she did say like 5 times to be careful while you eat.”
“you know she’s not here right now, you don’t have to be a kiss ass.”
you hit eren in his arm softly, smiling up at him as he continued to stir the pasta sauce. he lifted the spoon from the pan, bringing it close to your lips with a small, “here try some.”
you were all too quick to obedience, opening your mouth in a small ‘o’. eren put the spoon into your mouth, the basil from the sauce instantly flooding your senses. you were staring up at eren as he said softly, “is it good?”
“mhm,” you hummed around the spoon, feeling your cheeks flush with heat. he pulled the spoon away, albeit reluctantly, the both of you still looking at one another.
you broke the tension by clearing your throat and declaring, “i think we need some wine, yeah?”
two glasses in and you were already feeling it. you weren’t a lightweight usually, but wine just made you feel...carefree, so to speak.
and unbeknownst to you, eren was feeling similar.
“have you ever been in love?” eren asked, out of the blue, the two of you sitting curled up on the couch, your plates from dinner sitting on the coffee table.
“i don’t know,” you hummed softly before continuing, “i think that’s an answer in itself, y’know? like, if i had ever been in love, i’d know what that felt like and could give a for-sure answer.”
eren hummed, nodding, the two of you growing quiet.
“have you?” you asked, eren looking up from the rim of his wine glass as he took a sip.
“have i what?” “been in love.”
“oh,” eren said, almost surprised, “i don’t know.”
you both laughed softly at that, “i don’t think i know what love really is, so i can’t define whether or not i’ve been in love.”
“i agree,” you spoke, your voice gentle, “but you’ve felt platonic love, you know with your mom, your friends, with me.”
eren had to contain a laugh from slipping out at that last one. platonic love, for you? what a joke. instead of laughing he just agreed with a “mhm.”
“don’t know if i’m cut out for anything more than platonic love, if i’m being honest,” you continued, the wine slowly, but surely, chipping away at your filter.
“why do you say that?” eren said, eager to know the answer.
you sighed softly, tracing your finger along the rim of the wine glass as you spoke softly, “being in love, you know real love, means showing people the worst parts of you. it means being vulnerable, and i-” you choke up for a moment, quickly clearing your throat in an attempt at a recovery, “i can’t do that.”
“but you can,” eren said seriously, moving closer to you, his knee nudging against yours. “you’re vulnerable with me, i’ve seen you, i know you, what’s to say you can’t do that with,” this next part pained him to say, “s-somebody else?”
“i’m only vulnerable cause, cause it’s you ren’, don’t wanna be that way with anyone else.”
fuck, you’re trying to kill him.
you both fell silent for a moment before eren looked over at you, he had never seen you look so....embarrassed. “well it’s the same for me,” he said softly. god, he sounded like a 12 year old all over again.
“i’m only this way with you.” he finished, looking down at his wine glass.
the two of you smiled at each other, taking sips from your wine as the melodies of otis redding continued playing in the background.
since the start of highschool, it’s been tradition within your friend group to spend the first days of spring break in jean’s dad’s cabin. mikasa, ymir, historia, annie, and armin had gone down a day earlier since they had finished their finals before everyone else.
the cabin was about 2 hours from paradis, and the car ride usually consisted of jean and connie fighting over who was on aux, until one subsided. this time, jean was the one to lose but not without going on tangent.
“fine con’ go ahead n be a fuckin’ dipshit and play some fuckin’ horrible music for the rest of the car ride, go ahead, i don’ care, even though i’m fucking driving so, i should have aux, but whatever, s’fine,” you swore you felt the car swerve as jean ranted.
the top was off of jean’s red convertible. the wind was brushing against your face, causing your eyes to water. connie was in the passenger seat, and you were sat in the middle of the backseat between sasha and eren.
you turned over to look at eren, who was admiring the scene passing by him. the pretty brown wisps of hair that had come down to frame his face were blowing from the breeze. he turned to look over at you, catching you staring, to which he raised one eyebrow with a genuine smile.
you simply just turned back to look straight ahead, laughing softly. eventually the city subsided into a beautiful forest with large sequoia trees. the roads began to curve a little more and you couldn’t help but look up at the trees towering over you.
california love came on shuffle through the car stereo, connie wooping loudly before singing, terribly by the way, off-key, “california looooovee!” you all laughed softly, joining in as you began rapping along to the song.
unbeknownst to you, eren had yet to look away from your face. he watched your pretty lips form the lyrics, and the silly expressions you made as you mindlessly sang along.
you are so fucking pretty.
the rest of the group greeted you outside, jean parking his car in front of the house in the large circular driveway. he was so fucking rich that it was actually mind-blowing if you stopped to think about it.
mikasa and armin came up to you and eren, giving you both big hugs. armin offered to carry your bags in for you, but eren quickly said “there’s no need,” and grabbed your bags along with his.
you followed mikasa into the house and up the stairs as she led eren to yours and hers shared room. “you can set her bag down here, eren, n’ your room is jus’ down the hall,” she said.
“i’ll see you guys back downstairs,” she smiled, her tone filled with implications.
eren set your bags down by the closet before sitting down on the bed and looking at you, “you guys always get the good room,” he joked before laying down on the bed.
you laughed softly, walking over to sit down on the bed beside him. you laid down too, turning over to look at him before looking back up at the ceiling. “can’t believe this is like our 7th year coming here,” eren sighed softly.
“me either,” eren turned to look at you before looking back up at the ceiling. he was praying that his cheeks weren’t flushed pink. “m’glad you’re in my life ren’,” you said softly, looking at him once more.
this time though, you couldn’t bring yourself to look away. and neither could eren.
“m’glad you’re in my life too, cupcake,” you giggled at the nickname, eren grinning at the pretty sound. interrupting the sweet moment was the hollers off all your friends and connie’s shout of, “drink up bitch!”
you both chuckled before eren sat up, leaning back on his arms and looking down at you.
“ya wanna go kick some ass in beer pong?”
“you know i do.”
and that it is exactly what the two of you proceeded to do. you and eren were a force to be reckoned with. eren’s celebrations for you sinking the small ping pong ball into one of the beer-filled solo cups differed each time.
the first time he simply just nodded with a teasing, “okay, i see you!”
the second was a silly hip bump, though unaware of his own strength, you were tumbling over a little, to which eren grabbed you and pullled you back up steady, the two of you giggling.
it was evident that the two tequila shots that you and eren had taken before the game were kicking in.
and when you got the game-winner, eren grabbed you around the waist, lifting you up and spinning you around, your sharp squeal sounding throughout the room.
if you had been sober, you would have seen mikasa shaking her head as though she knew something that the two of you didn’t.
eren put you back down, still grinning as he flipped connie off. connie just groaned with a “kiss my fucking ass, bro.”
the rest of the night was drinking games, and jean finally got to be on aux. around 1:00, though, everyone started to call it a night. apart from you and eren.
the two of you were sat at the kitchen table, and you were fiddling with the cap of another smirnoff. eren promptly grabbed the bottle from your hands, opening it with his teeth.
you offered a sweet, “thank you,”, taking a small swig from the bottle. eren was nursing a beer that was probably luke-warm by now, but he didn’t care.
he couldn’t find it in him to care, not with you sitting right next to him, looking like an angel.
eren attempted to shake those thoughts away, his voice wavering as he began to talk, “y-you wanna go down to the lake?” eren asked, standing up and looking down at you.
you raised your eyes to look at him, flustered at how big he looked standing over you, “s-sure!” you said, standing.
one of eren’s hands fell to the small of your back, leading you to the back door and opening it for you. the cabin had a dock that attached to the back patio and the expansive backyard.
the two of you walked down the wooden dock, a soft silence falling over you. upon reaching the end, you looked up at the night sky. the moon was casting a soft glow over the two of you, and there were so many stars out.
you always loved coming out here, especially because of how pretty the nights were. you sat down, your legs hanging off the edge of the dock, eren quickly following suit.
“s’pretty” he muttered, still looking up at the sky, “mhm” was the only answer you could give as you admired the side of eren’s face.
“ask me something,” eren said abruptly, turning to look at you. you sputtered around words for a second, embarrassed at getting caught staring, before you were able to form a “huh?”
“ask me a question,” eren repeated, “anything you wanna know.”
“i already know everything about you, ren’.”
“not everything.”
a soft silence fell over the two of you once more before you sighed, “okay,” you planned to blame this on the alcohol ruining your filter in the morning, but in all honesty, you had always wanted to know what you were about to ask.
when eren had broken up with his highschool sweetheart, he hadn’t offered any explanation, just that “it was a mutual decision.”
something about it irked you, especially because when eren talked to you about her, he made her seem like his whole world.
“why’d you break up with historia?” you asked, quickly pressing your lips together after the question fell onto the peaceful silence of the night air.
eren would also blame his lack of filter on the alcohol when he woke up tomorrow morning.
“because of you.”
your eyes widened, turning to look at eren in a sort of disbelief. the look in your eyes was enough for eren to know that you wanted him to explain further.
“sh-she....historia,” his voice got really small at the next part, “historia thought i was in love with you.”
the air was not peaceful anymore, no. now it was full of tension, of withheld confessions.
you almost stopped yourself from muttering your next two, simple words;
“w-were you?”
“don’t play dumb, y/n.”
the silence was back once more. you turned to look at eren, and you swore you saw a glimpse of his 12 year old-self. you hadn’t seen him take on such a shy demeanor in so long, but with the way he was looking down at his lap, fiddling with his hands, it was like he was that small boy all over again.
“ask me a question.” you said boldly, eren almost getting whiplash from how quick he turned to look at you.
“w-what?” “ask me a question, eren.”
you were hoping that he would ask the right one.
“oh-um, okay, um,” he hummed to himself for a moment, and you kept taking glimpses at him out of your peripheral.
his cheeks were flushed pink, his lips opening and closing a couple times before he finally got the courage to ask, “why haven’t you ever been in a relationship?”
you smiled softly to yourself. he asked the right one. eren was oblivious to your small glee, attempting to clarify his question, scared he might of offended you.
“w-well, i mean! uh-i know you’ve like uh-” he cleared his throat, “been with people, but i mean, t-there’s never been anything serious so, i guess i’m...hm, i’m just wondering, why?”
your smile grew at eren’s rambling before your answer fell from your lips.
“because of you.”
eren’s eyes were on you again, and he was praying that you couldn’t see the desperation behind them.
“w-why?”
“do you even have to ask, eren?”
and there was that silence more. it wasn’t peaceful, nor was it tense. it was in a state of juxtaposition; content, but eager for more.
it was always like this with you and eren, beating around the bush with your feelings. there’d be innuendos, unspoken answers, but neither of you had ever been outright with your feelings.
perhaps it was the fear of the losing the best thing, the best person in your life. that was enough to quell the incessant beating both of your hearts.
even if you couldn’t have eren in the way you wanted him, you still had him. he was still here, sitting next to you, talking to you. that was more than enough, right?
you nor eren would let your feelings overturn the years of friendship. neither of you would be able to cope with the gravity of losing the other.
you couldn’t deal with the thoughts racing through your mind, standing up and holding your hand out to eren.
“you ready to go in?” he nodded, grabbing your hand.
neither of you let go as you walked back to the cabin, and up the stairs to the bedrooms.
“so, um, goodnight ren’.”
“goodnight, cupcake.” you both smiled at the nickname, letting go of one another’s hands and walking your separate ways.
you opened the door to your room, expecting to see mikasa sprawled out over the bed, but to your surprise it was empty. you stood there for a second, confused, tired, n’ drunk.
“huh, where’s she-” you muttered to yourself, eren interrupting you with a whisper-shout down the hallway, “think i found her!”
you walked over to eren, who was still standing outside his room. you peered inside to find jean and mikasa in bed, a white sheet covering their body. mikasa’s arm was over jeans stomach, jean’s arm wrapping around her waist as they snuggled into one another.
“i’m so gonna give her shit about this in the morning,” you laughed softly, eren chuckling as he turned to look at you. you were smiling as you snapped a quick picture, and eren wasn’t sure if his heart could take anymore of you tonight.
“you can, uh, come sleep with me tonight if you want,” you offered.
eren tried to stop it, he really did but his cheeks were flushing pink as he nodded, “yeah, that’d be great.”
he watched as you closed the room to his jean and mikasa’s room softly, before following you down the hall to your room. it all felt like eren was watching this blur past him. sure the two of you had slept in the same room, many many times, but he’d basically just confessed to previously being in love with you.
and he was pretty sure you were smart enough to infer that he still was very much in love with you.
he was sitting on your bed, taking his shirt and his pants off, because, well, he forgot to grab clothes. sure, it was just a walk down the hall, but he was tired.
and then, eren watched your shirt come off. he saw the lacy intricacy of your bralette before you turned away from him and towards the dresser. you unclipped the clasps of your bra, and eren swears he almost dissolved into the bed.
just the image of your back, your bare back in front of him, was enough to have him popping a semi. he brought his hand to his bulge, silently hissing as he willed it to go away.
you grabbed a big white shirt, which he was pretty sure was his, and tugged it over your body. next came your shorts, and thankfully he couldn’t see anything due to how large the shirt was.
eren decided that he needed to get under the covers before he embarrassed himself. you turned around seeing eren already under the covers.
the way his eyes lingered on you made heat travel through your body.
“tired, huh, ren’?” you laughed softly, eren smiling as you made your way to your side of the bed. he turned over to face you as he mumbled, “tired doesn’t even cover it,” a soft smile on his face.
you lifted the covers up, catching a glimpse of eren’s toned abdomen, choosing, more so attempting, to ignore the image.
you both laid there, keeping your distance. you opened your eyes, saying a soft, “goodnight, ren’.”
eren didn’t respond back, his hand simply came to your waist as he said a soft, “c’mere,” and pulled you in closer to him. your face was nuzzled into his shoulder, eren’s head softly bumping against yours.
your legs were slowly becoming entangled with one another, and eren’s grip on your waist was holding you close to him.
“goodnight,” he sighed, pressing a soft kiss into your forehead.
everyone slept in the next morning, but eventually the sound of pans and movement throughout the kitchen lulled you and eren out of your sanctuary of sleep.
“m gonna go grab somethin’ to eat, ren,” you mumbled into his chest, still not moving. “mhm, go head,” he huffed, his breathing slow as he pulled you into him more. if you were being honest, there’s was no way you were getting up and leaving the embrace of eren’s arms.
the two of you laid there, reveling in your shared warmth until you heard a knock on the door. you and eren quickly moved to opposite sides of the bed, practically falling off the edge from how fast you separated from each other.
“c-come in!” you shouted, turning to look at eren for a second before turning back to look at the door.
its not that either of you cared if your friends saw you sleeping together, but you didn’t want them to get the wrong idea. y’know....think there’s something there when there isn’t. cause there isn’t.
sasha opened the door and you could see the big grin on her eye turn into a suspiciously-sweet smile. “goodmorning!” she paused for a moment, looking between the two of you before stopping on eren, “nico’s downstairs making breakfast if you wanna go help, eren.”
eren sat there for a good minute, thinking of what the most logical route was.
why would i go help? sasha knows i can’t cook for shit, what is she--oh. they’re about to talk shit on me. oh. okay. y/n is gonna tell her how she woke up to me being little spoon, fuck, okay, uh--
“yeah, uh, i’ll go do that,” eren said, quickly getting out of bed, but he was forgetting one major detail. he only had on briefs.
sahsa yelped with a cry of, “why are you butt-ass naked right now? oh my god!”
“i have briefs on sash for fucks sakes!”
“it-it’s not what it looks like!” you sputtered from the bed as eren pulled his shirt over his head and grabbed his sweats from the floor.
“g-get out!” sasha cried jokingly, trying not to laugh, “you are banned until further notice” she pointed a finger at eren as he chuckled slipping on his sweats.
he just shook his head as he started walking towards the bedroom door. he slid past sasha with a “see you downstairs, bozo,” and turned to you with a softer, “see you in a minute, y/n,”
“mhm” you replied, a soft smile on your face as you watched eren’s figure leave the doorway.
sasha watched him walk down the hall and once he got to the top of the staircase and began walking down, her head whipped towards you. “what. the. fuck.” she mouthed before closing the door and hopping on the bed.
“sashhh,” you whined, not ready for her incessant questions. “come on, y/n! you know i have to ask, mika would do the same!”
“you cannot tell mikasa, she will never let me forget about it,” you cried, putting your head in your hands as sasha laughed softly.
“don’t worry, she has no room to talk with all the shit she’s doing with jean,” sasha grimaced as she continued speaking, “the walls are so thin here, you can hear....everything, and i mean everything.”
you laughed softly, sasha smiling before she continued, “sooo.....”
“nothing happened,” you said, sasha raising an eyebrow in disbelief. “seriously we didn’t kiss or fuck or anythin,” you huffed out a breath before continuing, “last night was just...weird, n’ not bad just weird.”
“how so?” sasha asked as she shuffled across the bed to lay against the headboard. “s’just...we went down to the lake, right?” sasha nodded as you continued, “and we basically confessed to liking each other when we were younger,” you mumbled quickly, sasha’s mouth falling open in a soft ‘o’ before she laughed softly.
“and what about now? did you guys talk about how you feel now?”
your stomach dropped at that as you turned to sasha with furrowed eyebrows, “nothing’s happening now, me n’ ren’ are just friends.” “ren’?” sasha teased.
“stop, i’m serious, it’s not like that,” you crossed your arms over your chest, unsure if you were trying to convince sasha or yourself. “okay,” sasha subsided, “there’s pancake downstairs when you’re ready, lover girl,” sasha sung the nickname as she opened the door.
“you’re so corny, sasha,” you giggled softly, standing up from bed. “n’ you love me,” she hummed, following you down the hall. “yeah, yeah,” you teased, walking down the steps of the staircase.
everyone was already sitting at the table. eren’s head perked up at the sound of footsteps and he smiled once he saw you. you sat in the chair next to him, eren sliding his plate in between the two of you.
“saved you a chocolate chip one, know they’re your favorite,” eren smiled, the expression mirrored on your face.
“thanks , ren.”
the rest of the trip was really fun. connie tried to drown jean, which was normal, jean then returned the favor. niccolo barbecued, which was probably your favorite part.
eren went back to his room and mikasa came back to yours.
so there was that.
jean drove you, eren, sasha, and connie back. you and eren were the last stop, and you thanked jean again for driving and letting you guys stay.
“of course, always,” he smiled at you. “text when you get home please,” you said sweetly. jean chuckled, hoping his cheeks didn’t flush too pink at your thoughtfulness, “i always do,” he said softly.
eren was quick with a “bye horseface, thanks,” grinning at jean, who quickly flipped eren off. the engine of jean’s convertible roared as he drove off from yours and eren’s apartment complex.
“you guys are so sweet to each other,” you teased, eren laughing softly. “gimme your bag,” eren grunted, and you knew better than to argue with him about carrying your own things.
you grabbed the keys from your back pocket, unlocking the door to the apartment complex and holding it open for eren. the elevator ride up to yours and eren’s apartment was quiet, the two of you tired from the car ride.
as soon as you made it into your apartment eren dropped the bags by the door and slumped onto the couch. you laughed at eren’s long legs falling over the armrest of the couch as you walked into the kitchen.
“ren’, you want some water?” you yelled softly, receiving an affirmative, “please,” from eren. you walked back into the living room, setting eren’s glass on top of the table.
“m gonna head to bed,” you said softly, looking down at eren who’s eyes were shut softly. “i’ll come with you,” he said, his voice low. you could only get out a soft “okay, c’mon then.”
eren grabbed his water, and walked behind you towards your room. you were too tired to change and the clothes you were in were comfortable enough.
the same could not be said for eren.
he ditched his shirt and sweats, leaving him in his boxer briefs. as soon as his pants came off you forced yourself to look away and try to let sleep take you over.
you felt eren slide under the comforter, lying right beside you. and though you couldn’t see it, you knew eren was close. you cold feel his knee touching the back of yours, and although faint, you could feel his soft breath on the back of your neck.
“thanks for letting me sleep in here,” eren said softly.
“always, ren’.”
one thing about eren is that he can roll a good blunt. and god, did he look good while doing it. a tray was sitting in his lap, a grinder, weed, rolling paper and a lighter on it.
eren was so concentrated, tapping the rolled joint against the tray. after he was finished, he placed the joint between his lips and handed you the lighter with a soft grin.
“would you do the honors,” he mumbled around the joint to which you smiled. you came closer to eren’s face, striking the lighter. the flame flickered between yours and eren’s faces as you brought the flame towards the tip of the joint.
eren took in a deep inhale, blowing the smoke out of his lips, turning to you with a soft grin and holding the joint out to you.
you accepted it, gratefully, inhaling and letting the smoke fill your lungs before you exhaled. “can we shotgun it ren’?” you asked, scooting a little closer to eren. you didn’t miss the pink that flushed to his cheeks, “yeah, you want to? c’mere,” eren said, reaching for the joint.
you shook your head softly, eren arching an eyebrow in confusion. “i wanna try blowing it into your mouth,” you smiled softly, eren’s eyes widening a little bit before he nodded.
eren’s body tingled when your hand came to hold his chin softly and your sultry, “open up,” almost had him ruining his pants.
eren was quick to listen, his pink lips parting as you took an inhale from the joint. you leaned closer to him, your lips brushing for just a moment as you blew the smoke into eren’s mouth.
you pulled away, still looking at eren as you watched him exhale a cloud of smoke. “did i do good?” you teased, eren just smiling with a slow nod, his eyes raking up and down your figure.
you knew you wouldn’t be able to handle eren teasing you back, so you quickly shifted conversation, “y’hungry ren?”
obviously that was the wrong question to ask because eren was licking his lips and eyeing you down with an “mhm.”
“i-ill order us something!” you said scurrying off the bed and grabbing your phone from eren’s desk.
“thanks dude,” eren nodded towards the doordasher, shutting the apartment door behind him. you looked over at him from your spot on the couch, turning back around as eren walked over.
he set the bags of food on the coffee table, plopping down beside you on the couch. you watch as eren unties the bags, setting your food in front of you on the table.
you open up your sushi, asking eren to “hand me the soy sauce, please,” the two of you eat in peaceful silence, the high you’re experiencing softly settling over the two of you.
“you wan’ one of mine?” eren asks holding his tray out to you. you nod and eren grabs a piece with his chopsticks and brings it towards your mouth. he got a california roll, per usual, but you had to admit it was pretty good.
“mm” you hummed around the roll, eren smiling as he watched you chew, “s’good huh?” he said, to which you smiled. “want one of mine?” you mumbled around the food in your mouth, eren laughing softly at the way your words were jumbled.
“ywes plewase” eren mocked you, but opened his mouth, patiently awaiting you to hand feed him a roll. you laughed softly, grabbing a piece of the sushi with your chopsticks and bringing it to eren’s lips.
“woah,” he mumbled as he chewed, “wanna swap?” he asked after finishing the piece, beginning to reach for your tray. “funny, ren’,” you said, grabbing your tray from the table and holding it to the right of you.
“you’re not gonna share with me,” eren jokingly pouted, “guess i’ll just have to take it from you then huh?” he began reaching over you, one hand resting on your thigh, the other reaching for the tray of sushi that you held far to the right of you.
eren could grab it if he wanted to you, his wingspan being much larger than yours, but he was far too content with listening to your soft giggles and feeling the warmth of your skin under his palm.
“come in, come in,” your mom said, ushering you and eren into the house. “how was the drive down?” your mother asked as you and eren followed her into the kitchen. “wasn’t too bad,” you answered, as eren pulled out a seat for you at the kitchen table.
your mom was stirring some sauce at the stove, and eren was taking his coat off and setting it on the back of his chair.
“do you need any help with anything, mrs. y/l/n?” eren asked, your mom turning around to gift him with a big grin. “oh no honey! you sit, you must be tired from driving all this way.”
eren sat next to you as your mom began plating dinner, and called for your dad. “he’s napping again,” she muttered, calling for him louder this time. “m’coming hold on!” your dad yelled from upstairs, and eren couldn’t help but laugh at your parents antics.
your dad made his way downstairs, grinning when he saw eren. he bounded over to him, eren standing up as your dad pulled him for a hug, patting him on the back.
well, it was more like a slap on the back, your dad was pretty heavy handed. your father pulled away, still grinning, “how come you didn’t call me down earlier, i didn’t know eren was here,” “oh, hi dad,” you said jokingly, “yeah, yeah you too,” your dad teased, coming over to kiss you on the cheek.
your family sat with you and eren, asking the two of you questions about college and life. you couldn’t help but laugh to yourself at how invested they were when eren would speak.
when dinner finished up, eren gathered the dishes from the table and headed towards the sink, “i’ll wash up,” he offered turning towards your mom who was already objecting, “the cook never cleans,” he stopped her before she could tell him no.
she laughed softly, patting eren on his back, “thank you, eren,” she smiled, “ya could rub off on this one a little, she hates doing dishes,” your mom pointed at you. you laughed at the insinuation. learn...from..eren ? if only she knew what he got up to.
“yeah, yeah, eren’s amazing,” you joked, your mom coming over to you. “your beds all made up, and i laid out a mat on the floor for eren,” “thanks mom,” you gave her a hug from your chair.
“you kids sleep good, see you in the morning!” she said, heading out of the kitchen. eren was still washing dishes as he spoke, “she laid out a mat for me,” he laughed softly, “think she knows that we practically share a room?”
you chuckled at that, standing up from your chair and walking over to the kitchen island and sink where eren was washing dishes. “don’t tell her, it’ll destroy her,” you joked, eren grinning at you.
you propelled yourself up on to the island, sitting on the island as you watched eren scrub one of the plates. “thank you,” you said softly, eren looking up at you.
“for what?” he asked.
“everything,” you answered.
“getting sentimental on me, huh?” eren teased.
“anddd the moment’s over,” you laughed softly, eren chuckling. “get back to scrubbing bus boy,” you nudged eren with your foot.
“oi!”
everytime you and eren visited home, you always split the trip in two. half of the time was spent at your house, and the other half was spent at his.
today was your second day at eren’s and carla was helping you build a charcuterie board for the family picnic. “i saw one on pinterest that included chocolate shaped as roses.”
carla gasped at that, layering the salami to create a flower shape, “that sounds like too much work,” “agreed,” you laughed softly.
the two of you began to pack the picnic basket with drinks and sandwiches, eren coming back inside from loading the car with sports balls and blankets.
he watched from the hallway as his mom laughed at a joke you made, and he couldn’t help the smile from breaking out on his face. he felt like a lovesick fool.
he decided it was time to announce his presence before he became anymore embarrassing, “car’s all loaded, ma,” he said walking over to the two of you.
“thank you baby,” she said, grabbing the picnic basket and handing it to eren for him to carry.
the car ride over was pretty short, and you and eren unpacked the car as zeke and carla laid out the blankets in the grassy field of the park. grisha was called in for a last minute surgery, so he couldn’t come with today. zeke was back in town visiting and he did not miss a beat on teasing eren for his crush on you.
after a delicious lunch, and many compliments from eren on yours and carla’s charcuterie board, zeke offered up the idea of basketball. you and carla had decided boys vs girls was the way to play, and the two of you quickly huddled up to devise a game plan.
the two of you also decided that girls should get the ball first, just because. the game started with you playing point guard and eren as your defender. he smirked at you as the two of you checked the ball.
should he go easy on you? nah.
he was right up on you, playing defense. and the way he towered over you was flustering you, but you needed to focus, you had a game to play!
you tried to get past eren, to no avail, but you were able to pass the ball to carla.
now, eren didn’t get his athleticism from nowhere. carla pulled it from the 3-point line, and it was a straight sinker.
you cheered loudly running over to carla as she brought you in for a big hug. you stuck out an L at eren, to which he shook his head softly, laughing.
“okay, c’mon then, get on defense n i’ll show you sumn’,” he said, voice low.
you and eren checked the ball, and you jokingly waved your arms up and down in a crazy manner. eren was quick to juke you out, it was embarrassing honestly, and pulled it from the 3 point line and sunk it.
it’s safe to say the rest of the game proceeded in a similar manner, zeke and eren developing a steady lead. at the end of the game you shook your head with joking mutters of “rigged,” and carla joined in with, “did you score the first point, though? nope.”
on the ride back home, carla rolled the windows down, and eren watched you from the other side of the backseat. you had yet to stop smiling the entire day, and so had he.
the walls of yours and eren’s apartment were very thin. and eren knew that. so when he decided to jack off at 5 pm when he “thought you weren’t home!”
was it intentional?
no way!
and when you sat on your bed, listening to eren’s pretty groans and whimpers that was in no way on purpose.
and when your hands began to trace down your body, unbuttoning your pants and sliding under your panties, it was just a coincidence that you happened to be doing it at the same time as eren.
and god, if his ears didn’t perk up at that first pretty sound you made. his hand stalled on his cock, needing to hear more. but as he went quiet, so did you.
he was guessing that you might of needed a little motivation. he began stroking his cock once more, moaning as he threw his head back at the image of you touching yourself in the room right next door.
and there you went. your soft moans, albeit muffled, were music to eren’s ears.
they were making him feel more and more bold.
“fuck, need you,” he groaned, thumbing at the slit of his cock with a whimper. he moaned again, tuning his ears in for what he hoped could be an unspoken reply.
“m all yours,” you whined and with two more strokes, eren was cumming with a loud moan and a couple curses. he could tell you followed soon after, listening to your whimpers increase in volume until...silence, and a short whine after.
the apartment was then dead quiet, neither of you moving or speaking. even your breath was soft and bated.
it seems both of you may have been tired of beating around the bush.
but, life went back to normal. neither of you made a move, and that shared moment of unspoken ecstasy went unmentioned between the two of you.
you couldn’t lie and say you weren’t disappointed, but you couldn’t expect eren to balls up and say something when you couldn’t either.
you were sitting in the passenger seat of eren’s two-seater pick up truck as he drove down melone drive. the windy road lead to yours and eren’s favorite lookout. there was a small lake there that you and eren had found during highschool, and you’d been coming to it ever since.
it was so quiet out here, and that was one of the things you and eren loved about it. it was only the two of you out here.
and it never had to be anything else.
you grabbed your towel out from the bed of the truck as you unbuttoned your shorts. eren leaned on the hood of his truck laughing softly, “already?” he joked.
you turned to look at him over your shoulder, grinning, “i wanna swim c’mon ren!”
your shirt was next, and eren had to look away. he peeled of his white cotton t-shirt, already in swim trunks as he followed you into the water. he watched as you floated on the surface, looking up at the crescent shaped moon.
mesmerizing. that’s all eren can think when he looks at you. he’s so captivated by everything you do. and now he’s coming closer to you as you stand upright. the water’s still shallow here and your feet plant at the floor of the lake.
“ren, what’s wrong?” you ask as eren stops in front of you, just looking down at you.
“i-” he huffs out a breath, looking down at the water that’s reflecting the light of the moon. “i can’t do this anymore, y/n,” he looks at you, his eyebrows furrowed.
“huh? can’t do what? eren, if you don’t wanna swim, we can get out now.”
eren shakes his head with a mutter of “s’not that.”
his heart is beating so fast, it feels like it’s about to fall out of his chest. he thinks about the moments he’s had with you in all his years of knowing you. he thinks of every laugh of yours, of each fight, of every shared moment of eagerness for more.
and then, he thinks about all the new moments he wants to have with you. he wants to know what it’s like to love you. he wants to be with you in every way. he wants to wake up to you in the morning and kiss you. he wants to cook for you and spoil you with gifts. he wants to marry you and watch you grow full with his kids. he wants to have a life with you. he wants to know what it's like to give you all his love, to give you everything he’s worth.
he hopes his words can convey that.
“i can’t beat around the bush anymore. we’ve bee playing this game for 9 years and i can’t anymore.”
“eren, what are you saying?”
“you have to know i love you, y/n. you know, i thought the way i looked at you would be enough for you to know i love you. you can’t see how i look at you? i can’t ever tear my eyes off you n’ i’ve never wanted to.”
eren’s panting now, and his heart beat is still so quickened, “i want to hear everything you have to say. i tease you so much cause’ hearing you laugh makes everything better. you make everything better. you’re what i think about as soon as i wake up, and you’re my only thought as i fall asleep.”
you’re watching him with watering eyes now as he continues, “and i-” he’s huffing out another breath, “i can’t, i can’t just be friends with you anymore, y/n, i thought i could but i can’t. and i’m sorry if that puts you in a weird position, but i needed you to know how i feel because i just can’t take this anymore.”
eren stops there, and he feels as though he has to manually force himself to breath. he watches you, watches one tear trickle down your cheek before you jump up and wrap your arms around his neck.
he’s quick to catch your legs and he listens to you sniffle into his shoulder. “ren’,” you hiccupp, “i love you n i always have.”
he’s holding you tighter at your words. eren doesn’t ever want to let you go and now, he knows he never will. you pull back to look at eren and his eyes are watering too.
you bring one hand to his cheek, brushing your thumb against his skin softly. your lips are gravitating towards one another, and they meet, hesitantly, before you’re falling, plummeting into one another.
you’re breathing one another in, your lips moving in dance as eren’s grip on you tightens. your hands are drifting to his hair now and eren’s moaning into your lips.
you pull away breathless, panting into eren’s lips, “i need you, ren.”
your words are all eren needs to start walking out of the lake, with you still wrapped around his figure. he’s glad there’s already a blanket laid in the bed of the truck as he sets you down on the edge of the bed.
he’s leaning over you and kissing you, his hands holding your cheeks tenderly.
you’re smiling that beautiful smile of yours as you pull away and scoot further into the bed of the truck. you begin to giggle as eren makes his way over to you and now he’s laughing too.
eren’s lips are on your neck now and he’s blessed with finally hearing the sounds of your pleasure up close. he’s fiddling with the top of your bikini and you’re leaning up to quickly undo the clasp.
nothing could have prepared eren for this moment. he’s known his whole life that you were breathtaking but seeing you in this manner was the final nail in his coffin.
your pretty nipples were hard from the night air, and eren went with his first instinct and wrapped his lips around one. you were moaning now and your hands were gripping eren’s hair and undoing his messy hair bun.
his fingers twisted and flicked your other nipple and now eren was pulling away from your chest. he was grabbing your breasts, squeezing them in his hands as he licked his lips.
“so fucking beautiful,” he was muttering into the skin of your stomach as he began kissing down your body. eren’s legs were hanging off the edge of the bed of the truck, and his feet were brushing the grass, but he couldn’t find it in him to care as he was met with your body.
he tugged the bottoms to your bikini down your legs. you were getting shy now, eren could tell but he wasn’t going to have any of that. “nuh’ uh, open up, angel,” eren was saying breathlessly.
he was met with the sight of your dripping center. you were visibly needy, your clit pulsing and puffy. “you need me here?” eren asked, running a finger through your slit. “y-yeah ren! need you so bad,” you whimpered, running eren’s hair through your fingers.
he couldn’t hold off anymore, he needed to taste you. his tongue jutted out to lick up the arousal drooling down your slit, and you were yelping at the feel of eren’s tongue.
he chuckled before wrapping his lips around your clit and sucking. you were a mess now, squirming and moaning as you gripped onto eren’s hair, which had him moaning into your pussy, the vibrations sending shockwaves through your system.
“ren’! m’ i’m gonna cum!” you were panting, eren’s hands holding onto your hips to stop you from running away. “c’mon then, baby, lemme taste you, i need it,” eren was mumbling into your clit.
one more suckle onto your bundle of nerves and you were falling apart on eren’s tongue. he didn’t waste a drop, moaning as he worked you through it, his hand rubbing soft circles into your hip as you came down, eren still leaving soft kitten licks at your clit.
he pulled away when he could tell you were sensitive and stood up from the bed of the truck. he was peeling off his swim trunks, his cock springing free and hitting against his toned abdomen.
he had never been this hard in his life.
your eyes were glued to his lower body as eren chuckled making his way back into the bed of the truck. his hand came to the back of your head, the two of you sitting up as he pulled you in for another kiss.
a string of spit connected your lips as eren pulled away. “lay down for me,” eren told you, his hand cradling your head. eren was leaning over you now, one hand holding the rim on the bed of the truck to keep him towering over your figure, the other grabbing around the base of his cock.
he started to tease the tip through your folds, relishing in the way you’d jump when he brushed against your clit.
“are you ready?” eren said softly, looking at you for any sign of hesitation. “m ready ren’,” you pecked him, “are you?” you teased.
“born ready,” he joked the two of you laughing. though, as eren’s tip nudged against your entrance, neither of you felt like joking anymore. his tip was going into your tight hole and you were wincing at the stretch of his girth.
“you alright?” eren asked, stopping. “m good,” you breathed, “your just big, ren’.”
eren knew he had a big cock, but hearing you say it made him twitch. “tell me if you need to stop,” he groaned softly, pushing into you more. eren caressed you through the stretch of his cock, cooing sweet nothings in your ear until he finally bottomed out.
“fuck,” he groaned, stilling inside the warmth of your cunt. your walls were squeezing down on him, “trying to milk my cock n’ i’ve only been in you for two minutes,” eren moaned.
you were a mess. you couldn’t cope with the size of eren’s cock, with the way his tip was barely brushing against your cervix. “need-need you to move,” you whined, your nails raking down eren’s back.
“you sure?” he asked, running his hand down the curve of your side. “m’ sure, please, ren’.”
that’s all eren needed to pull back from the warmth of your insides and slam back in. you both moaned loudly at that, pushing each other more and more down the path of complete ecstasy with each thrust. “so-so good for me,” eren’s voice broke.
your nails were raking down eren’s back harder, breaking the skin, and the pain was making him wince and moan. “fuck never want anyone but you,” eren groaned, grabbing at one of your tits.
“gonna fill you up n’ make you mine, you want that, baby?” eren was slamming into you now, your hips turned up as he folded your legs towards your shoulders, his hands holding the back of your knees it.
“need it, ren!” you were crying now, moaning loudly. “gonna give it to you,” eren panted, “but i need you to cum first. need you to cream all over this cock, make it yours.”
his words were enough to send you over the edge, your cum spraying on the base of eren’s cock and his abs.
feeling you pulse on his cock and watching your pretty eyes flutter close as your eyebrows furrowed in pleasure had eren filling you up. he came deep iside you, his load coating your walls white.
the both of you panted as you came down, and you pulled eren in by his neck for a deep kiss.
“i’m gonna need a plan b tomorrow,” you laughed, moaning softly at the warmth of eren’s cum inside you. “i’ll set a reminder,” eren chuckled, “i meant what i said, i do wanna watch you get full with my kids, but maybe just after college.”
you laughed softly after that, pulling eren in for another kiss.
“i love you, ren,”
“i’ll love you forever.”
fin
thank you for reading! this is the slowest slow burn fic i’ve ever done so i hope you guys enjoyed! please reblog to show your love n i hope you all have an amazing rest of your day or night or afternoon or whateva <333
#eren smut#eren fic#eren imagine#eren x reader#eren jaeger smut#eren jaeger fic#eren jaeger imagine#eren jaeger x reader#eren yaeger smut#eren yaeger fic#eren yaeger imagine#eren yaeger x reader#eren yeager smut#eren yeager fic#eren yeager imagine#eren yeager x reader#aot smut#aot fic#aot imagine#aot x reader#snk smut#snk fic#snk imagine#snk x reader#attack on titan smut#attack on titan imagine#attack on titan x reader#attack on titan fic#shingeki no kyojin smut#shingeki no kyojin imagine
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totk spoilers but are we ACTUALLY meant to think it’s poetic or flattering or triumphant that Rauru was like “oh YEAH? Well in thousands of years this guy called Link is gonna kick your ass”
How much has he even heard about Link? He must have had at least one more conversation about him with Zelda because the Master Sword doesn’t come up in the Zelda and Sonia tear, and by the King’s Duty tear Rauru’s just like oh don’t worry, if we don’t finish Ganondorf off I’m sure your bf can handle him. As I’ve said before, his “We rely on your knight” line rubbed me the wrong way starting with its appearance in the trailer, and it really does not feel less entitled after watching said knight (and that legendary sword he carries) very very VERY nearly get one-shotted by Ganondorf at the beginning of the game. And Zelda knows this! What does she feel watching her Better Dad Substitute sacrifice himself and simultaneously sic the evil bad guy on Link—a siccing which explicitly shapes Ganondorf’s attitude towards Link at the beginning of the game? At what point did she have the emotion of “welp. I know why Ganondorf knew Link’s name now.” The musical blending of the LOZ theme/hero’s theme with Rauru’s theme seems to suggest that it’s not an emotion meant to be had at exactly that moment, but I cannot watch Rauru sneer “remember that name” without yelling HE DOESN’T NEED THAT INFORMATION at the screen.
I played through the GSI in Japanese recently and Rauru did seem a touch less entitled to Link than I’ve been reading him—mostly because of the formal, polite, outgroup-equal language he used with him—but I still can’t get over the extent to which Rauru heard about Link a few times and decided, sight unseen, that he was going to clean up Rauru’s mess. My man what made you think that. What gave you the right to decide that. And how frightening to be Zelda and watch Rauru pin all the world’s hope on her beloved knight who Ganondorf absolutely fucking wiped the floor with. We see this worry in her in the Master Sword in Time cutscene! To what extent can Zelda’s transformation and before that her petition to the other tribes of Hyrule for Link’s sake be understood as a forced action due to Rauru’s conviction that Link could do this no sweat? Almost entirely, I feel—but does the game know that?
I just. Isn't it intentional? Doesn't it have to be? The fact that Rauru already needs the correction, once, that he cannot and should not face the Demon King alone. Then his melodramatic claim that Link has got this on lock. Then Zelda being like 😬 not sure about this actually and going through the whole process of talking to the ancient sages + draconifying for the sake of the Master Sword. Because Rauru absolutely set Link up to fail and Zelda is the one making sure Link has the resources, including the support of others, he needs to succeed. And the game is so much about community, about not doing things on your own.
And yet the way the scene is scored and animated and the way all the other characters talk about Rauru's sacrifice seems to treat this as a a moment of culmination, of triumph. I am getting such mixed messages here.
Understand, I’m saying all of this with an aching fondness for this poor self-deluded hypocrite. And also teeth-grinding frustration. I think he deserves to feel suffocatingly humiliated when Link almost didn’t survive Ganondorf’s attack and I also have tremendous sympathy for the shame and terror that it might be far too late to correct his mistake that he must have felt as he waited for Link to wake up. Both of those things. Hopelessly lonely man who found people to love him and built himself into a role he was never adequate for. I wish the game looked at this a little more. I wish I could tell if the game intended this at all.
(This is not the most intelligently written post but I assure you I mean every word of it.)
#totk spoilers#tears of the kingdom#totk rauru#rauru (lozbotwtotk)#tou and the tearful kingdom#bad and imperialist zonai get put in the goat wiggler#nintendo look at me. look at me. do you KNOW how interesting your character is. did you do it on PURPOSE. or am I making this UP.#I love him I hate him I am shaking his terrarium SO SO SO SO HARD every day
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what are your opinions on the sequels? specifically how luke (and his new jedi order) is portrayed. but also like just the jedi stuff in general, the training and everyone becoming force ghosts and somehow palpatine
Oh gosh, it has been a MINUTE since I've even watched the Sequels. I'm planning on rewatching them sometime early next year for Reasons, but for both episodes 8 and 9, it'll be the first time I've seen them since I saw them in the theaters. I MIGHT have seen episode 7 after its theater release, but not often. I can definitely say I haven't watched a single one of them since 2019 lol.
All of that to say, I don't remember them super well. I liked episode 7, but didn't care AT ALL for TLJ and was ho hum on TROS. My overall opinion is that it's too bad these characters didn't have anyone writing for them who seemed to actually CARE about them at any point and that nobody bothered to create a fucking blueprint for the entire trilogy and then stick to it. Say what you will about the execution of the Prequels, but Lucas had a damn vision in mind and a clear end goal for the story and the characters and he STUCK TO IT. You can go back to those films and rewatch them and find that story and see the arc he was trying to take the characters on. You may not LIKE what he chose to do or feel like it worked very well, but it's clearly THERE. The same cannot be said for the Sequels. The characters change personalities in basically every film, the primary motivations and intended end goals for them are never consistent, the relationships aren't built up well, and the theme and message of the Sequels is so muddied with all of these changes that they may as well not exist.
All of that is very broad, though, and doesn't touch much on your specific question about the Jedi and Luke and how they were portrayed in the Sequels. To be honest, I don't remember it very well, and when I saw these films, I was a pretty casual Star Wars fan who was still what I would now consider Jedi critical. I didn't hate them by any means, but I had absorbed the fandom osmosis of the Jedi having been too repressive/old-fashioned and how they caused their own doom. So I haven't watched them from a more pro Jedi lens yet in order to comment on it with any level of authority.
What I DO remember feeling was that making Luke bitter was a bad choice. There's undoing a character a little in order to allow them to develop somewhere, and then there's complete and utter character assassination and TLJ's characterization of Luke falls closer to the latter for me. The biggest thing anyone remembers about Luke is that he chose not to kill Anakin in ROTJ. That's his big climactic triumph. He goes on an entire journey towards understanding Anakin and having to accept that Anakin was a person making evil choices so that he could believe in Anakin's ability to be BETTER. That's kind-of the core of Luke's WHOLE JOURNEY. So I don't really get the entire concept of Luke reacting so violently to "feeling some darkness" in his teenaged nephew. He's already sort-of worked through that particular flaw of his and overcome it, why is he suddenly reacting this way? What's the point of that? And why would Luke just completely lose himself to cynicism and bitterness in the aftermath of that kind of failure? What was the point of leaving a piece of map behind or whatever? None of it really seems to make any sense to me and you can just FEEL Rian Johnson sort-of tossing things in the trash as he wrote this so that he could do his own thing.
All of that being said, what I've seen other people comment on is that there's a lot of shit Luke says in TLJ that are pretty anti-Jedi, but that the whole point is that Luke is wrong. Luke is succumbing to despair and so he feels like he's defeated and there's no point to anything and he's WRONG. The movie does pretty strongly emphasize that he's WRONG to feel this way and act like this. So I think a lot of people take what Luke says in this film sort-of at face value without taking into account that context that you're not SUPPOSED to agree with him any more than Rey does. I'm interested to see how I feel about it when I do end up rewatching them in a few months, but it rings relatively true to what I can remember.
It doesn't seem wrong that Luke and Leia could end up being able to ghost, it doesn't make any sense that Han can ghost but we all know that that happened specifically because Carrie Fisher died mid-filming and they had to figure out how to work around that, so I'm willing to give a little bit of slack to TROS for that exact reason.
I don't remember much training even HAPPENING on screen. I remember Luke barely teaching Rey anything at all in the one week she spends with him and Leia sending Rey on an obstacle course at the beginning of TROS. I wish they'd chosen to spend more time really showcasing more of Rey's actual training (or, ya know, FINN training in Force abilities at all), but I don't have any strong feelings about it at this point.
And as for Palpatine, I think everybody knows it was a bad choice to make at this point. It was lazy, it was silly, and it doesn't work. It feels like a direct response to Snoke having been killed off too early and disagreements between the directors and the studio execs about whether Kylo Ren should be a villain or not. It doesn't work and nobody likes it.
So, yeah, my feelings are a little faded at this point because I disliked them enough that when I do my Star Wars marathons, I never include the Sequels in it and I just stop at ROTJ. I feel like that says enough on its own.
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In Your Heart Chapter 7: Softly, Slowly
Jake Kizka x fem reader
That night in Savannah…
The two of you stumble into your hotel room. You've been feeling the acrid rising in your throat since the elevator ride up. You dash clumsily to the toilet and barely reach it before heaving the liquor filled contents of your stomach. You won't remember anything before the rooftop tomorrow.
You sit awkwardly straddling the toilet, sending steady streams of vomit into the bowl. You feel Jake enter the bathroom behind you and hear him let out a stifled laugh. He's just as drunk as you are, although obviously better at handling it.
"If you're going to laugh at me just go." you say with a bit of a laugh yourself, attempting to look over your shoulder at him.
"If I go, you'll probably asphyxiate in the night."
"That would be better than this." you hiccup.
"What kind of friend would I be," he approaches and attempts to crouch down next to you, failing and falling onto the tile floor "if I let that happen?"
It's your turn this time to giggle, before a fresh wave of puke rears its ugly head. He scooches closer to sweep your hair up and away from your face. Your throat burns and your eyes are watering sending tears dripping off the tip of your nose. This fucking sucks. You haven't been this drunk in a long long time. Not since your mother died.
His hands steady as minute by minute his drunkenness subsides slightly. This last bout seems to be the last of the night thankfully. After a few moments of relative relief, you turn around to face Jake and a wave of sadness intensified by the alcohol hits you. Real tears this time well in your eyes and fall. The numbness that the alcohol provides really hasn’t touched the pain that clutches at your bones. You can’t seem to shake the sick feeling when you visualize David with another woman. Although you aren’t sure why it was so easy to believe he would do such a thing. Jake is leaned against the wall looking at you and you fall into him as a loud uninhibited sob racks your body. His arms immediately respond, engulfing you in warmth and safety.
He strokes your hair and begins to send a stream of "It's going to be alright"s and "he doesn't deserve you"s into your ear as the two of you sit together in a drunken heap. The sound of your pain has struck a chord and Jake's own tears begin to fall. Each of you feeling the wound left in the other’s heart. Two drunk, broken people together on the cold bathroom floor.
Present Day.......
You're freshly showered and curled up on the couch of the bus. The lights of Nashville whoosh past as the bus merges onto I-65 out of town. You're still, even hours later, riding high on the performance. The four of you had all agreed that it would only get better as this leg stretched on. The crowd, the music, the energy. How could it get any better? You smile to yourself and click the television on, surfing channels mindlessly. The others had gone to bed long before the guys had shown up an hour late. Since then, everyone had retired and you were alone, unable to sleep.
Moments like this, moments that should be nothing but happy, are hard for you. The past four years are littered with memories just like this: your first date with David, your first set at Tootsie's, the day you found out you were going to be part of a real band. They were all happy, but rimmed with sadness. You wanted to tell your mom about all of them. She was always the ear for your triumphs and mistakes. The best advice you'd gotten in your life had come from her lips, and even when her mind had started to slip you'd still told her everything.
Thinking of her, and what she'd have to say in this moment you grab your phone and dial her old number. You were still the primary on the account so her number was active. The voicemail message begins immediately and you hear her voice low and sweet.
"This is Mariane, I'm away from the phone right now! Leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can." the phone beeps, ready for a message.
"Hi Mom, I miss you. I'm in a real band now, we opened at Bridgestone tonight. It went really well and I wish you could've been here to see it. I think you would've loved it. We’re headed to Chicago tonight on the bus. I love you Mom. Talk to you later." you hang up. A few years ago, this little ritual evoked tears. But now you were just happy to hear a little snippet of her voice and pretend she would just call you back later.
A little knock alerts you to Jake's presence as he enters the front of the bus. "Am I interrupting?"
"Nope." you say and give him a small smile.
"Who was that?" he gestures to your phone.
"My mom."
"Oh.. I'm sorry.. I didn't.." he stutters
"I just like to hear her voice sometimes. Let her know how I'm doing."
He settles down beside you and looks along as you stare at her name on the screen.
"Mariane. A beautiful name." he says
"She was the best. I want to tell her about all of this." you gesture around.
"Oh she'd love the bus." he flashes a grin at you.
"I'm sure she would." you laugh.
"I'm sure she'd be very proud of you." his voice is soft and he doesn't meet your eyes as he says this.
At these words your eyes do begin tearing, but you blink them back. You lean over and hug him with both arms, leaning your forehead against his temple. "Thank you."
"No thanks needed. I'm proud of you too." he says, brushing your words away.
Your heart tugs. You place your hand on his cheek and turn his face towards you. His lips are inches from yours, leaving only a small distance to close. You kiss him slowly, softly. Just one kiss, nothing like the one earlier that left you flustered and surprised. This is the first kiss that hasn't taken you by surprise. It holds lots of things. Curiosity, and gratitude, and maybe even a little bit of sadness, but it's also so achingly sweet that its almost painful to pull away. You sit for a moment leaning your foreheads together in the silence. Two people, trying to heal, sharing one breath.
"You know we're going to have to figure out how to move that date up right?" you whisper.
"Yeah I know that." he whispers back, stroking your cheekbone and leaning in again.
"Ah, ah, ah.." you pull away and settle back into your seat.
"Oh now that's mean." he rests his elbow on the back of the couch and pouts.
"A taste of your own medicine Jakey."
"Jakey. Shut up, who are you? My brother?" he laughs and rolls his eyes, looking out the window at the road passing by.
You rise from your seat and make to move towards the curtain leading to the bunks.
"And where do you think you're going?" he looks after you, still seated.
"I'm going to get some sleep I think." you reply, genuinely sleepy now.
He moves towards you, "Goodnight lovely lady" he pulls you in and kisses your forehead.
"Goodnight Jakey." you tease and poke him firmly in the chest pushing him back. "Be thinking on that date while I'm gone."
He stands and watches you disappear through the curtains, remembering the taste of your lips on his own.
Back in Nashville….
A key slides into the apartment door and clicks silently open. He moves through the rooms to the bedroom. Leaning down he smells the pillow, drinking in your scent. Taking out a small recording device, he places it underneath the bedside table. Back in the kitchen, another one goes on top of the cabinets. Satisfied that he has the most important areas covered, David takes out the new copied key and inspects it in the dim light. He’ll have you back. No matter what he has to do to get you.
.
.
.
.
.
.
A little sweet moment + some creepy ex bf shit :P We’ve got a date coming real soon y’all. Some drama as well. I appreciate you all reading! Y’all are so sweet, every reblog and note makes my day!
See y’all soon!
-E
#greta van fleet#jake gvf#jake kiszka#danny wagner#josh kiszka#sam kiszka#greta van fic#slow burn#soft fic
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Anti-propaganda for The Great Kate Weather Machine, or Kate Wetherall as she's really named! The Mysterious Benedict Society is a book about four autistic kids who are selected by the mysterious Mr. Benedict, through a series of tests and puzzles, to infiltrate the mysterious Learning Institute for the Very Enlightened and figure out what's going on with the coded messages that are being broadcast from there which are sending despair to the populace, as well as the mysterious disappearances. There's Reynie, the boy who seems very ordinary but has a knack for finding strange solutions to problems, and Sticky, the boy who remembers everything he reads (and he reads a LOT), and Constance, the very small and very stubborn girl, and then there's Kate! Kate was apparently abandoned by her loving father when she was very little, and ended up joining a circus, where she found acceptance as her weird self. She's very resourceful and always has bizarre strategies up her sleeve, and is never without her bucket of tools. She's the most likely to solve a puzzle by finding a way to essentially avoid it entirely. For example: A puzzle with the instructions to cross a room without setting foot on a square of a certain color (which most of the floor tiles were) - she did a handstand, and crossed the floor walking on her hands. A maze of identical rooms - she crawled through the vents. A girl who'd dropped her pencil in the storm drain (right before a test with explicit instructions to bring only one pencil) - she put a bit of glue on a string, stuck the string down in there, and pulled the girl's pencil back up. The other three characters also had interesting ways of solving the puzzles (such as: realizing that the floor tiles were rectangles not squares, solving the maze through brute-force trial and error, and defiantly bringing many many pencils) but this propaganda is about Kate so I won't ramble too long about that.
Now, onto spoiler territory in a few... So, one of the Society's mentors is this extremely morose man named Milligan, who is just the most sad and miserable person they've ever met. He was kidnapped and partially brainwashed by the Institute, and woke up handcuffed, with no memory, and holding a lockpick made from his own fingernails and toenails, which he'd bitten down to the quick. He used this to escape, and eventually joined Mr. Benedict in his efforts to take down the Institute, but remained in a constant state of depression and despair, and without his memories he couldn't explain why.
Well by the end of the book he begins to regain some memories... and it turns out that he's Kate's father. He didn't abandon his daughter - he was a secret agent and had been kidnapped! And his miserable state of mind was because he'd lost the person who'd mattered most to him as well as all his memories of her. But he and Kate are reunited, and from that point on he becomes the most happy and joyous man they've ever met.
Ok spoilers over.
In conclusion: Kate Wetherall is a wacky and wonderful character, and The Mysterious Benedict Society is an awesome book about oddball kids (and adults) whose weirdness gives them strength and allows them to solve problems that others couldn't, with a message about how the bad things in the world aren't certainties and hope will ultimately triumph over despair. While the book doesn't directly mention autism, I do think the main characters (and a good few others) are deliberately autistic coded, as they're all weird people and somewhat of outcasts, many with very specific interests or skills, and it's because of their weirdness that they're able to do the awesome things they do. I loved reading this book as a kid and I still think it's really good. :D
^
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Sheev Palpatine has never been a man who has struggled with the doctrine of the Sith. From the moment his eyes were first opened by Plagueis, so many years ago, he has warmly, lovingly embraced the new world he'd been cast into.
(Or at least this is what he tells himself. Perhaps he really, truly, after all this time, does not remember the struggle, the pain, the torture of what it means to become a Sith.)
(Perhaps it doesn't matter. Perhaps, one way or another, it is to remember to cast it onto another, to envelope them, just the same, in apprenticeship.)
That is the way of the Sith. To be, all at once, the student and the master, the tortured and the torturer, the unmade and the unmaker.
And Palpatine excels.
And, yet, his eyes have always been bigger than his stomach. More often than not, he has not considered this any sort of grand misfortune. Want, greed, hunger, after all, leads to action. Leads to triumph.
But it’s not enough. Nothing could ever be enough. When he was little, his sister used to say he was a black hole.
He never saw why it should be a negative. He would swallow the galaxy.
He was Saturn, consuming the universe.
>>>
There’s someone in his office. He can sense it.
It’s more out of curiosity, than anything, that he signals his guards to allow him entrance alone. The sheer idea surprises and amuses him in equal measure.
He slides his lightsaber into his hand, hiding it in the folds of his robes. He doubts he’ll need it, but he hasn’t gotten this far by taking his chances.
The door slides open.
There’s a boy seated in his chair behind his desk. A boy, not a man, for he can’t be more than twenty. He’s not looking at Palpatine, his eyes instead fixed on the view of Coruscant skies through the large windows. His body betrays him; every muscle is tensed, coiled like a snake ready to strike. Palpatine’s lips curl in amusement.
“To whom do I owe the pleasure?” He asks, voice falsely jovial.
The boy looks to him, then. Their eyes lock. And ah. He knows.
He remembers from so many years ago, when Maul had returned a failure. He remembers the message he'd relayed, of another student who promised his death.
He remembers being bemused, more than anything, and yet vaguely unsettled. For he did not remember another student.
Palpatine is and has always been, more than anything, sure of himself. And so he pushed aside any hesitance, any instinct he’d long since stopped listening to that said it was worth being cautious.
And, now he knows: this boy is the student.
Sheev Palpatine is a man of action, yes, but more than to anything he is a man of inaction. Of planning, of constructing delicate structure upon delicate structure of pawns, of movable pieces on the chessboard of the galaxy.
And as such, he is displeased, more than anything, when these pieces are moved by his opponents and not by his own hand.
He’d been angry, when Maul had vanished. Angry, and yet almost impressed. He hadn’t thought his student had had the fortitude to disobey him so brazenly. He’d been confident, of course, that he’d find him, punish him.
And then he hadn’t.
His mind had, of course, drifted to the student. He’d sent people, of course. He had never found anyone, despite it all. A few disappeared; he’d never known if they’d been snuffed out, or if it was simply coincidence.
He supposes he should find himself lucky his prey came to him.
“You’ve come to challenge me,” Palpatine says. It’s not a question. Such is the way of all of the Sith.
“Not challenge,” the boy counters. “Extinguish.”
Palpatine has never been the type to find an interest in the idea of anything as nebulous as retribution, the type to find himself thinking of such things as the justice of the universe. He knows damn well the universe isn’t punishing a soul.
And yet he finds himself thinking of it now, just for a moment, as the boy brandishes a red lightsaber. Some long-numbed prey drive in his brain shutters to life, and he finds himself shivering before he can suppress it.
That, more than anything, is what incenses him. Not that this boy has been trained by someone who’s not him, who’s been taught by an imposter. Not that this boy has interrupted him, thought himself worthy of challenging him. Not that this boy–– this boy, because he’s still a child–– knows who, knows what he is when no one should.
No. It’s his basest instinct. It’s that somewhere, some impulse he can’t control, screams that this child is a threat worth taking seriously.
He ignites his own saber. The red reflects off the boy’s eyes, and Palpatine can’t tell what red is reflection and what is his own.
The boy’s stance is practiced, laced with intentionality, strong. Palpatine knows damn well there is no other Sith. And so it unsettles him, to know that this boy must have learned somewhere. He doesn’t let it show.
He throws himself at the enemy.
Palpatine's strengths lay in his mind, in his ability to plan, to scheme. That does not mean he’s not proficient in combat.
And yet. The boy doesn’t seem to struggle. Their sabers clash, a horrible, screeching noise in the relative quiet of the office.
Palpatine finds himself wishing he hadn't sent away his guards.
All in all, it does not take long. The boy is younger, stronger–– somehow, somehow, stronger.
Palpatine grits his teeth, bones practically creaking with the effort it takes to ward off his attacker. The boy reaches, fingers twisting, and a hand is pulled off his saber.
Palpatine grunts, reaching, grabbing, scrabbling at the Force like a man clutching for a handhold, grasping at anything he can get.
Who is this boy?
Anger is the fuel of the Dark side; hatred is his master. He pulls at it, twists at it, throws it back in this usurper child's face. The boy gasps, stumbling back a few steps, and Palpatine grins, a ghastly, terribly thing.
And then the air roils. It makes him feel sick. It makes him feel strong.
It's the boy's. The boy's strength. The boy's power.
“Who are you?” Palpatine finally asks, half in horror, half in fascination. “Who taught you?”
The boy smiles, then. For the second time, it sends long-forgotten fear up Palpatine’s spine.
“You did.”
And Palpatine loses, then. His attention is wrested, for a moment, his mind racing with the need to comprehend, to understand what it means, what it could ever mean, and that’s all the edge his opponent needs. For there’s no way for Palpatine to know, but the boy knows quite well how he fights, knows how to win.
Palpatine loses. His lightsaber is thrown from his hands, extinguishing and clattering against the far wall. He throws his hands out, the Force practically shaking in his hands with the effort he pushes into it to hold off his attacker. It doesn’t matter. The boy grunts in exertion, pushing back, and then it slips.
The saber plunges into Palpatine’s chest with a hiss and a gasp of pain and nothing more. His knees give out. He falls onto the tile of the office, staring up at his killer in shock more than anything.
For just a moment, in his eyes, the silhouette above him changes shape. His vision is already going blurry, darkness creeping in at the edges, but for a moment it all sharpens.
The face above him morphs to a mask, the desert-colored clothes morph to black. It’s someone else.
And Palpatine knows it’s his. Knows this other, knows this person-who-is-not, is his. He’s not sure why, or how–– maybe it’s just pain, just the delusions of a dying man. But he knows.
He was Saturn, consuming his son.
In the end, some part of him is glad. Some part of him rejoices. If he is to lose, if he is to die, then let it be by his student. Even if he doesn’t remember him. Even if this boy could just as soon be someone he has never seen before.
Such is the Sith. The master, killed by the student, let him continue the legacy.
(For there is no way he can know that this boy is no Sith, nor a Jedi either. There is no way he can know he has really, truly, lost, in every sense of the word.
And he has. And he dies.)
(Anakin–– Vader–– both, and neither–– extinguishes his lightsaber. The room goes dark. He turns his back on the body, turns to look, once again, out at the lights of Coruscant.
In the morning, the guards will find Palpatine’s body. Some will rejoice. Many more will mourn. They will wonder. Those who knew him–– truly, knew him, few as they were–– will fear.
In the morning, he’ll return home. To Tatooine. To his mother and brother. To the familiar twin suns.
In the morning, the galaxy will change. Less than it would have, otherwise, and yet: it will.)
#FINAL CHAPTER WOOOOOOO#personal#my writing#fic: it's quicker and easier to eat your young!#star wars#anakin skywalker#darth vader#star wars prequels#sw#star wars anakin#sheev palpatine#sw palpatine#palpatine star wars#star wars palpatine#palpatine#vader#star wars fanfiction#star wars fanfic#fanfics#fanfiction#fanfic#archive of our own#ao3#fandom: star wars#type: fanfic
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I have a very important message!
Due to adulting and mothering, I will not be as active.
But what if Malleus wrote you a letter? Well here you wonderful people go!
Dear child of man,
As I sit down to write this, my heart swells with gratitude and admiration for each soul that makes up this account. (Each of you really needs to get bonked) Life, as we know, is a tapestry woven with moments of joy, sorrow, and everything in between. In the midst of these intricacies, I want to take a moment to acknowledge the extraordinary strength and love that emanates from each one of you.
We're no strangers to the challenges that life throws our way. Yet, it's in these very challenges that your indomitable spirit reveals itself. I've witnessed your resilience in the face of adversity, your ability to rise above difficulties with grace and tenacity. Each of you is a beacon of strength, illuminating the path for others.
I want you to recognize the incredible feats you've already accomplished. Reflect on the hurdles you've faced and overcome, the uncertainties you've navigated, and the personal growth that has stemmed from these experiences. You are a living testament to the power of human spirit and perseverance.
In this vast digital landscape, we form a unique bond — a community built on shared experiences, empathy, and genuine care. In times of trial, remember that you are not alone. Reach out to your virtual companions; our collective strength is a formidable force. Together, we can weather any storm.
As you navigate the complexities of life, I implore you to look back on the hurdles you've conquered. You've not only survived but thrived, emerging from challenges with newfound wisdom and strength. Your journey is a testament to your resilience, and I have unshakable confidence in your ability to triumph over whatever lies ahead.
So, dear friends, as you tread on the path ahead, know that you carry within you the brilliance of your own spirit. You are capable of achieving extraordinary things. I am here, along with this community, cheering you on every step of the way.
With boundless love, unwavering support, and the utmost belief in your capabilities,
~Malleus Draconia
(Until we meet again)
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all of this merlin anniversary stuff has got me reading merthur fics as well! do you have any recommendations?
i haven't read merthur fic in ages so here are a couple new ones i've read over the past few days:
to go with grace by andiwriteordie (1/1 | 16k+ | T)
POV morgana; canon compliant; arthur returns; redemption; reconciliation
morgana is dead.
morgana pendragon is dead, at emrys’s hand. just as the prophecies had foretold.
but before she can enter avalon and find peace, she must first pay penance for all the sins she committed in her life.
her penance is quite simple: look after and heal arthur pendragon, the Once and Future King, until the time comes for his return to the land of the living.
or, the one in which morgana gets the postmortem redemption that she deserved.
home is a heartbeat by FervidAsAFlame & highlynerdy (9/9 | 48k+ | M)
canon compliant; arthur returns; suicidal ideation; pining; angst with a happy ending; POV merlin
the waiting was hard, of course. but it wasn't the hardest part.
the hardest part was how everything kept changing. everything was fast and slow; each life a small story that played out across the long messy scrawl of time.
and arthur sleeps, missing it all—so merlin is determined to take in as much as he can. over the centuries he forges on through terror and triumph, loneliness and love—sometimes helping and sometimes hurting, but always striving with every passing life to be closer to the man he wants to be when arthur finally returns to him.
you have to chase it by arthurandhisswordbros (8/8 | 41k+ | M)
canon compliant; arthur returns; POV arthur; social media; angst with a happy ending
“oh, i don’t know who he really is—no one does,” she says. “although, some people think he’s probably a grad student doing some avant-garde project for a thesis or something. others think the whole account is just an elaborate advertisement for budweiser.”
arthur doesn’t understand most of what she just said but nods anyway.
squinting her eyes, she gauges his confusion regardlessly. “it’s someone pretending to be the famous sorcerer. see here, this is his most recent tweet.” at arthur’s odd look, she clarifies, “it’s like a message that everyone can see.”
@asorcerersays: guys why did he have to be so hot and like,,,funny? like it’s been forever and i still miss him. he was pretty dumb though.
arthur knows his face must look disgusted. “for everyone to see?”
or, Immortal!Merlin goes on twitter to complain about his dead king. unrelatedly, arthur joins twitter.
and then here's a favorite merthur oneshot of mine that @tattooedsiren wrote for me a LITERAL decade ago:
rewrite the ending by tattooedsiren (1/1 | 2k+ | T)
canon compliant; arthur returns; reincarnation; POV merlin; author!arthur
you would think given how long he has been waiting for arthur’s return that it would be something that is on his mind 24/7. it's not. not anymore. for the first one hundred lives, sure, every day was a torturous wait, each minute slowly ticking by when all he could think was arthur, arthur, arthur…
but it’s been thousands of years, millions of lifetimes, and still he waits. he doesn't think about arthur every day anymore. in fact, he only thinks about him a few times a year. it might sound callous, but in truth it’s anything but. it’s self-preservation, it’s staving off a longing so bone deep it physically hurts. and on the rare occasions he lets himself think about arthur, he spends the whole day just sitting there and remembering, allowing the memories to wash over him like the sea, ancient and powerful and all-consuming.
#ask#anonymous#reclist by cinematicnomad#fic rec#hey rachel i just realized that your merthur fic doesn't mention that arthur's an author in the tags or the summary#you should add it ot the tags!#merlin bbc#merlin#arthur pendragon#merlin emrys#merthur#this will never be okay#gross sobbing
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Trent/Ted Lasso fic recs part 2
This list will include all ratings and tags, so read at your own discretion! :)
part 1 here
some small comfort by trentcrimminallybeautiful (biDEMONium) - Rated T
Trent finds Ted having a panic attack in the coaches' office.
Curious & Judgmental by r_n_g_are_dead - Rated T
When he was ten and three-quarters-years-old, Ted Lasso’s parents left him at the Allen-Bradley Clock Tower for 3 hours and 42 minutes. Well, more like the park across the street. While there, he met a young British boy. Ted gave him a football trading card. The British boy gave him a pen.
Time was infinite. Time with people in your life was not. But sometimes you got more time with them than you ever expected.
what do dogs dream about? by trans_chickens - Rated T
She nestles into her pillows and is just about to close her eyes when she suddenly seems to remember something else. She sits up straight again, blinking at Trent. “He was silly I think, when he said a thing about you.”
Trent, who was this close to feeling triumph over a toddler brought to sleep with no incidents or hiccups, suddenly feels like he’s losing a battle. “What… did he say about me, love?” he asks, mouth dry. Maybe he doesn’t want the answer. He wasn’t even gone that long for the ice cream, how could Ted and Olive have fit in a whole conversation about dog dreams and also talk about Trent behind his back? It’s not fair. It doesn’t make sense. He’d think Olive was making it up if it wasn’t for her sincere expression. That and the fact that Trent suspects his daughter hasn’t figured out the concept of lying yet. He dreads the day she’ll get there, and hopes he still has tons of time until then.
He almost wants to believe that time is now when he hears the next words out of Olive’s mouth.
“He said you’re pretty.”
recipe for happiness (in khabarovsk or anyplace) by prewars - Not Rated
Series: 7 Works
Ted does what he does best: talk. Trent listens.
I Told You I Would Stay by hippiecommune - Rated G
Coach Ted Lasso from America, the man whose incurable optimism and seemingly infinite supply of well-wishes had somehow wrangled a good opinion out of quite literally everyone he’d ever met, was giving up. He was going home. Trent was here to ask questions about relegation and Ted was here to announce formally that he was resigning.
Trent knew this because Ted had left a message three hours ago giving him a heads-up.
the funny thing about coincidences by mmummydust - Rated T
MrBlueSky: What are you working on tonight? Or thinking about on your walk?
starman72: Coincidences, coincidentally.
MrBlueSky: :) What about them?
starman72: Nothing in particular. Just thinking. I’ve had a lot of them occur lately. Just a bit funny how things work out sometimes.
---
Ted Lasso has been talking to someone on Bantr. Trent Crimm has also been talking to someone on Bantr.
Turns out, they're both using it as a fairly poor distraction for their feelings. This doesn't turn out to be as big of an issue as it seems.
Or - Ted and Trent are both incredibly, helplessly oblivious.
the courage to put on the cape by clementines_and_colourful_things - Not Rated
Trent Crimm, The Daily Planet.
—
A Ted Lasso Superman AU inspired by a Tumblr post by matttheratking. Thank you for violently (and metaphorically) shaking me by the shoulders.
things we are too young to know by andaskwhynot - Rated M
The other man stops talking, looks straight at him. And Trent was wrong, the look he had fixed on him earlier was not a smile, not really. Because now he is smiling at him, and it is nothing short of a beam, bright and open, and there are dimples, and even though the other man has a face that is more narrow than not, all Trent can think of as he looks at him is ‘corn fed’.
Trent does a year abroad in the states, gets assigned a football player as a roommate and has his life turned upside down. It's all horribly cliched, until it isn't.
Words are very unnecessary (but they brought me to you) by blueberrywizard - Rated T
“At 4:44 in the morning the smell of coffee, like every other day, woke Trent up.
At 4:45 kitchen radio started to play quietly in the background and Trent could, just like yesterday, recognise the sounds of Enjoy The Silence, which he thought was a little bit of a strange coincidence, but well. Stranger things had happened.
At 4:50 he was at the kitchen table, thinking about his life choices. About journalism and football and life that kept having turns that he couldn’t predict.”
Or: Trent Crimm, The Independent finds himself stuck in the time loop. There’s a lot of British 80's music and questionable life choices included.
Trent Crimm Cannot Be Objective About This by thegables - Rated E
“I’m bigger, you know, so I won’t get as cold, and you’re… not as big, so the cold would bother you more, it stands to reason, so you should just let me go on the outside by the window.”
Trent said, “You have the gallantry of a big-jawed American film hero.”
His tone when saying it was such that Ted said, “Sorry.”
in my head (I found you there) by lilysaid - Rated E
Trent loses the last three years to amnesia and can't figure out where overly-familiar American football coach Ted Lasso fits into his life.
friday (never hesitate) by oriscribes - Rated G
Trent froze with a small wince. Oops. This was too much. This wasn’t what he meant to do. But it was Ted and he was fucking leaving.
But right now Ted was looking at Trent with a gentle smile and a gentler look in his eyes and well shit. Trent needed to leave before he did something stupid like kiss the the gaffer like he got the boy at the end of this fucking fairytale of a season.
OR: an alternative take of when Ted is reading over Trent's book.
that funny feeling by bearfeathers - Rated T
Ted needs to talk to Trent about the security footage he found. Except that's hard to do standing in West Ham's facilities with people bustling all around them. So he does the only reasonable thing he can think of: he invites him to dinner.
Total Writing by sbkmm - Rated T
'He’s bouncing off the walls. He definitely made at least two weird noises and waved his arms around like a Muppet.'
What happens to Trent after That Scene in s3e07. Can he recover his cool exterior?
(spoiler: he can not.)
Take My Whole Life Too by ItsClydeBitches - Rated G
Ted Lasso was the kind of man who taught NSYNC choreography for a going away party and bent his players into impossible positions just to say “Hi, Boss!” in the morning. He’d organized fearsome bets over darts, baked heavenly biscuits on the regular, and had requested at least two boxes from Nate Shelley’s niece, one of which still sat on a shelf in his office, despite the betrayal. Ted was also a passionate believer in what he referred to as “rom-communism,” all the trappings included.
In retrospect, Trent should have known he’d go all out for Valentine’s Day.
red-handed love by clementines_and_colourful_things - Not Rated
The ever-bubbling reservoirs of hyperactive energy stored deep in Ted Lasso’s sun-touched soul never ran dry.
—
Or, Ted Lasso is not the most spatially aware, which leads to a head injury, a hospital visit, and a very stressed Trent.
When Life Gives You Lemons by Springandastorm - Rated T
Trent snorts, which is a sound that Ted has trouble believing he's able to make. "You didn't want to touch the knob?" He repeats.
"Nah, it's got all kindsa nasty germs on it, and I know that you bake 'em out anyway, but this one time in college I got food poisoning from a bad donut and spent about two days straight on the—wait."
Trent waits patiently for Ted to finish realizing, arms folded. Ted feels his face break open wide. "Trent Crimm, are you making a dick joke?"
"...I'm attempting to."
Ted thinks that if there were a little meter for how much he likes Trent, that might've just broken it.
lonely, lonely boys (this one's for you) by clementines_and_colourful_things - Not Rated
Nothing about Kansas feels right. And that’s only partly due to the massive fucking tornado.
Or, Trent ventures to Kansas to attempt to drag Ted back to Richmond, but nasty weather throws a wrench in his plans.
Biscuits for Blushes by JessJesstheBest - Rated G
“Clara’s class is having a holiday party and it just so happens that she has listed your biscuits as her ‘Favorotti’ of all time. She absolutely refuses to bring her classmates anything else to the party.”
Or Trent's daughter has requested Ted bake cookies for her whole class and obviously he's on board.
Can’t Cry in Public and Can’t Drink Alone by WordsInTheNight - Rated G
When the wifi goes out at Ted's, Ted and Beard turn to watching the Shocker game at Mae's. Trent happens upon them and is invited into the wonderland that is watching football--with football coaches. Ted jumps on chairs. Beard is as protective as a mama bear, but buys Trent a pint. Just some smoopy afternoon getting to know each other and sharing each other's space. Pre-relationship, but the air is thick with promise.
Set slightly after season 2, so two-ish years since the Shockers won the Division II NCAA championship. Trent Crimm is working on a book about Richmond. They haven’t hooked up, but intention is in the air.
exercising restraint by trentcrimminallybeautiful (biDEMONium) - Rated E
Following a fun and informative encounter with his favorite ex-journalist, Ted has a rather uncomfortable meeting with the Diamond Dogs.
Featuring: Trent Crimm and the be-catted bag, Leslie Higgins knowing a lot about BDSM, Roy Kent being the world's most unwilling participant in this conversation, and Beard being Beard.
Top of the List by infiniteeight - Rated G
Rebecca wants Ted to be happy. Ted is good at making other people happy, but sometimes he needs to be nudged into taking something for himself.
The Humble Himbo by ItsClydeBitches - Rated G
Join narrator Trent Crimm as he follows one of the world's most magnificent creatures, the Himbo, capturing never-before-seen moments within AFC Richmond.
linger by trentcrimminallybeautiful (biDEMONium) - Rated G
Rebecca comes to see why Ted hasn't gotten off the team bus yet.
#veryace recs#ted lasso#trent crimm#ted lasso/trent crimm#tent#afc richmond#ted lasso fic rec#fanfic recs#ao3 fic recs#ao3
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The Triumph of Twenty Five Twenty One
Now that 2022 is coming to a close, it felt worthwhile to revisit the one show this year that shook my world and kinda shifted my perspective on life :’)
It's hard to know where to begin when talking about Twenty Five Twenty One. I could start by sharing how beautifully shot this drama is, the way viewers are invited to delight in the vibrance and oftentimes loneliness of the landscape.
Or I could start with the historical context, how the drama managed to bridge the struggles of the 1997 IMF Crisis to the current pandemic.
Or I could start by marveling over the individual characters, how they come across as so genuine and real, and how they are delightfully funny and messy and truly alive.
But I think instead the best way to start by honoring what a triumph this show is - from the acting, the cinematography, the directing, the screenwriting - is by stepping back to something more abstract, namely the acquiescence and narrative empathy the show provides.
In literature (and I assume film studies as well), acquiescence refers to a viewer's accepted passivity, meaning we as the viewers become so naturally enveloped in the world presented to us that we genuinely start to feel that this place, these characters, and their stories, are all real. We forget there’s a host of camera and lighting crews watching and controlling every meticulous move.
As a result of our passivity, we begin to develop an emotional connection with the work. This is referred to as narrative empathy.
Simply put: acquiescence = viewers’ accepted passivity; narrative empathy = viewers sharing the feelings witnessed on screen
So how does Twenty Five Twenty One reach a level of acquiescence that I find unparalleled in any show or movie I've seen this year? It’s hard to exactly pinpoint one piece since our passivity and subsequent emotional investment revolves around several intermingling factors like the aforementioned cinematography and authentic characters. Personally though, I'd say what really makes Twenty Five Twenty One reach an all new high of acquiescence is the feeling-centered narrative revolving around the diary.
After all, the premise is that Kim Min Chae begins to read her mother’s diary in 2020, and slowly starts to understand her mother through the detailed entries.
I initially glossed over the significance of the diary, seeing it more as a useful transition device to travel viewers back into the 1990′s whenever Min Chae was reading it, and then transporting us back to the present when we needed to see her reactions. It felt like nothing more than a simple plot device.
But there are so many scenes where the diary is important in building narrative empathy. For the sake of brevity, I’ll focus exclusively on the way the diary heightens viewers’ acquiescence and narrative empathy in the last episode.
~spoilers ahead~
After rewatching the last episode multiple times (and still crying almost as hard as the first time sjhdhsjs), I’ve found that the diary is such an integral part in conveying the drama’s intended message of remembering and living in the moment.
And even more so than that, the diary as a thematic and narrative tool is so clever, because diaries are something so incredibly personal. A diary is an output of our innermost thoughts; an intensely honest inner monologue meant for our personal retreat, unintended for the consumption of outsiders. By placing the diary in the open, by using it as a narrative device that allows us to see Hee Do’s thoughts and interpretations of the world, and by welcoming Min Chae into her mother’s youth as well, the audience develops a sense of intimacy and understanding for these characters.
Nothing seems more indicative of this point than the scene in which Yi Jin starts reading Hee Do’s diary and realizes how truly lonely she was in the later stages of their relationship; how he took her support for granted.
Like Yi Jin, we are welcomed into seeing these pages for the first time, hearing Hee Do narrating the words on the page. We can’t help but feel deeply disheartened by her loneliness. As if that weren’t already enough to digest, we witness Yi Jin soak in the words and cry as he slowly makes his way through the pages. Like many emotional scenes in the show, the camera does not cut away. We are forced to sit in the pain with him for a while. This heightens our empathy for both Hee Do for having experienced such a solitary love, and Yi Jin for immersing himself in her sorrow and truly, for the first time in months, understanding her.
This diary scene really brings the show’s acquiescence to another level. The intimacy of Hee Do’s words; Yi Jin reading them in the privacy of his empty room, with lingering shots on his face capturing his welling sense of grief and guilt - these are details that make this drama just feel so achingly real and powerful.
The most noteworthy use of the diary, however, is the very last scene in which Hee Do imagines how their last encounter would have been had they said the words that they saved for the diary pages instead. The added detail of including a fade-in of their writing from the diary was so incredibly touching and made this scene a whole new level of emotional. Because, like I mentioned, diaries are an honest inner monologue. Nothing they could have done could have been quite as sincere as this.
Honestly it’s so beautiful that their last farewell is captured in the pages of the diary. It initially seemed unfair to have this farewell by the tunnel be a hypothetical, imagined goodbye, but the more you think about it, the more you realize how truly beautiful it is that their honesty is forever immortalized in Hee Do’s diary.
In the end, the diary served as the best parting tool - for the characters and the audience. It gave Yi Jin closure because he was able to truly understand Hee Do and respond to her. It gave Hee Do closure all those years later when she had the opportunity to read his final message. And it gives us as an audience closure because we know they’ve parted in a way that is untainted by bitterness; celebrating the love they shared, recognizing the value of cherishing every moment.
And now Hee Do, with her diary - the physical embodiment of all that ever came between them - has that right in the palms of her hands.
I still struggle to understand how something so sad can be so beautiful. So profound.
All I can say is that this, for me, is what makes the show a triumph.
#twenty five twenty one#2521#drama analysis#tvn 2521#baek yi jin#na hee do#baekdo#스물다섯 스물하나#nam joo hyuk#kim tae ri#twenty five twenty one episode 16
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Omg for kiss prompts I'm having a moment of weakness thinking abt book 7 SO #43 between anyone from diasomnia 🥺 forehead kisses are just so sweet wahh
OUUGHGHGHGHGHGHHH i love diasomnia family SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!
[Posted to Ao3!] [Link to prompt list]
Summary: Silver checks on Lilia to make sure his dad doesn't stay up all night gaming.
Prompt 43: A kiss pressed to the top of the head.
Silver found himself shuffling through the dark halls of the Diasomnia dorm. Squinting at his phone, he could see the time was only 4:30AM. One of the many downsides that came with falling asleep at the drop of a hat meant that Silver also often would wake up at odd hours of the night.
That being said, he was often not the only one awake at such an hour. As expected, sounds of cackling laughter and clacking of computer keyboard buttons could be heard coming from the other side of Lilia’s dorm room.
“Aha! Down he goes!” Lilia shouted to himself in triumph as he no doubt had just concluded another of those raid boss battles with his online gaming buddy. The two had been putting in extra hours every night for the past week to try and achieve some sort of limited time quest… Silver couldn’t really remember the details, but Lilia and his friend seemed pretty intense about it.
“Fa- Um, Lilia?” Silver called gently as he knocked on the door, quickly correcting himself just in case there were others in the room with Lilia, or perhaps also wandering around the halls in a sleepless state.
“Oho? Come on in, Silver. The door’s unlocked,” Lilia replied as he removed his headphones. “Gloomurai and I just concluded another successful raid!”
Sliver came to stand beside Lilia’s desk. “Have you been taking enough breaks to rest your eyes? You really shouldn’t stay up so late at your age.”
“Well, aren’t you thoughtful? Don’t you worry; I was just about… to sign off… Once I message Gloomurai…” Lilia’s sentence trailed off into a deep yawn.
“Father…” Silver sighed, already fighting the urge to yawn back in response.
“Yes, yes, just a moment…” Lilia insisted as he typed up his departing message for the night to his gaming buddy.
Muscle Red: I’m afraid I must depart for the night; my dormmates are getting quite concerned by how late I’ve stayed up.
Muscle Red: Though I must admit it’s hard to pull away when we’re so close to our goal!
Muscle Red: Same time tomorrow?
Gloomurai: whoops. i guess i should probs go too, i have class in like 4 hours lololol
Gloomurai: ya tht works for me. ttyl!
Muscle Red: Until next time!
Lilia leaned back into his chair with a big yawn. “Mmm… Perhaps I’ll just rest my eyes for a moment…”
“You should at least get into bed first. You’re just going to fall asleep anyway,” Silver protested, but Lilia seemed to be perfectly comfortable in his chair already.
“Go on back to your room… I’ll be fine right here…” Lilia mumbled as his breath started to even out and his voice fell into a quiet mumble.
It was times like this that Silver was glad his dad was so much smaller than him. He bent down over the chair, slid his arms underneath Lilia’s body, and effortlessly scooped him up into his arms to carry him back to his bed for a proper rest.
As Silver lowered Lilia’s body down onto the bed, Lilia chuckled sleepily. “So the student becomes the teacher… hehe… You’re all grown up, aren’t you, Silver?”
Silver’s eyes widened slightly, pausing as he was about to pull away and let Lilia rest. “I… Um…”
It was true, wasn’t it? All his life, for as long as he could remember, Lilia was looking after him. There were countless times Lilia had to pick a sleepy baby Silver up off the ground from where he’d fallen asleep and carried him to bed, and now…
“...Yeah. I suppose you’re right,” Silver said gently. He leaned forward again, pressing a gentle kiss to the top of Lilia’s head. “Goodnight, father. Rest well.”
Lilia smiled, and snuggled cozily into his covers.
#SORRY I DIDNT REALLY EDIT IT MUCH BUT !!!! i love them#twisted wonderland#silver twst#lilia vanrouge#cereal writes#asks#twst#my ao3 notes have more chattering lol i gotta jfkldsjfklsj
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okay I will write a long post about how the RWBY soundtrack tells the story but specifically the openings as I feel like despite CRWBY not really having a plan when they made Volumes 1-3 they still did pretty well with conveying a deep and impactful message about the way fear can overtake people.
This Will Be the Day
The song is optimistic and is basically saying "We're going to prove ourselves worthy opponents" right now in the story the only real "monsters" we think about are the Grimm who try to hurt people. I like to think the song is from the perspective of young students attending Beacon and other Huntsmen academy's who are ready to prove that they can fight off Grimm and become professionals. Despite it's optimism though, there's a hint of warning as being a Huntsman or Huntress is not easy. You could die any day if you're not smart while fighting off these monsters, they're nothing to joke about.
Time to Say Goodbye
This song is still kind of optimistic, and I like to think it's still from the perspective of the students. Though this time they've realized that they're really in it now, and that fighting Grimm isn't all they have to face out there. There are people with powers and weapons just like them who want to see harm done to them for their own benefit. Grimm are dangerous, but so are people and once you realize that, the world doesn't become quite as simple as before. There's also the obvious question of "Who are we fighting for? What are we really protecting?" since there's all these people who hate these academies for some unknown reason. If you could listen to them for a moment, would you join their side? Who knows what secrets the people up top are hiding from you about your job as a Huntress.
When it falls
This song is not from the perspective of the students, but the enemy. a great villain is slowly making herself known. Fighting monsters is one thing, but the people who taught these children to fight never prepared them for an enemy that was beyond human. These new enemies are relentless and ruthless just like Grimm and they want to destroy the very foundation of society just as much as the students want to protect it. And what will these kids do when they realize they've been duped into fighting an impossible enemy by the people who they look up to? They thought they were prepared but they've been lied to.
Let's just live
Things are not good and it seems the villains have won in some major way and the heroes have taken a really heavy loss. However, they can't let their sadness bog them down because their enemies aren't going to wait for them. The only real advice they can give themselves is to just live on so that they can fight back against the people who hurt them so badly.
The Triumph
A direct response from the heroes to "When it falls" saying they don't care they're back and ready to defeat evil and they have a plan now. They were unprepared before but now they know what's coming (or so they think they do) and they're going to fight back and make sure the villains plan doesn't work this time. Things aren't on their side but they don't care about any of that, to them these circumstances are just another obstacle for them to overcome.
Rising
The villains may have lost one battle but they're not giving up. With new information they are plotting a scheme to bring down their enemies even if the odds are somehow even worse in their favor. They're on their own now, and all they have is each other to beat this new formidable beast. They're staying optimistic because they have the company of one another and can fall back on their teammates to make sure they won't fail this time.
Trust Love
Their plans have failed over and over again, and it's really hard to keep up hope when their enemy is so persistent. However, they are too and while they still believe in one another, when that fails they trust the love they hold for each other and the world around them. When it seems pointless, they remember what they're really fighting for which is the happiness of those around them. Hope is not something that is easy to come by now considering they have been beaten countless times, and haven't won against their adversary.
For every life
Trusting love is kind of bullshit and so is trusting anyone at this point. They've been fighting and plotting and coming up with all these plans but they've learned now that they should be honest about their enemy and realize they can't defeat her the way they have defeated countless others. Dread and apathy is sinking in again. And what's worse is now they're divided again, though still united in wanting to defeat this great evil. Everyone's run out of plans, and every time they seem to get a new one that fails too. Their only goal now is to try and continue fighting to protect other lives, but how can they against such a strong enemy? They feel as if they have failed without even trying once more.
(I like this song because it is trying so hard to be optimistic rythmically but its like every time the beat picks up it falls again, much like Team RWBY coming up with plan after plan to try and beat Salem.)
And that's all the OP's so far, they sure do convey the tone of the story, and it just gets more and more hopeless as each song comes out lol. Such a long way away from "This will be the day" huh? Now they don't even believe they can win.
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Songs by The Smiths that remind me of Steve Harrington
This is mostly angst (if you don't like that content please just leave this post), so let's start
How Soon Is Now?
Even though "How Soon Is Now?" doesn't have many lyrics and only has around four different paragraphs, the lyrics itself remind me of Steve; imagine that the party is making a list of songs to use in case Vecna curses them; it's Steve's turn to decide the song that could save him. Everyone expects to be something from Madonna or The Beatles but it is "How Soon Is Now?" nobody understands why until Robin reads the lyrics.
"There's a club if you'd like to go
You could meet somebody who really loves you
So you go and you stand on your own
And you leave on your own
And you go home and you cry
And you want to die"
Pretty Girls Make Graves
This song's message is not literal, not the full song applies to Steve's situation with Nancy (Especially since Steve is the one who wanted to take matters into the bed and Nancy was hesitant and uninterested at first)
Regardless, some parts remind me of how they broke up:
"Then, on the sand
Another man, he takes her hand
A smile lights up her stupid face
(And well, it would)"
And the verse "I'm not the man you think I am" could be Steve trying to convince himself he changed to convince others he changed.
I Know It’s Over
This- this is post-breakup Steve and all his desperate attempts to get a girlfriend, just look at this:
"I know it's over
And it never really began
But in my heart, it was so real
And you even spoke to me and said:
"If you're so funny
Then why are you on your own tonight?
And if you're so clever
Then why are you on your own tonight?
If you're so very entertaining
Then why are you on your own tonight?
If you're so very good-looking
Why do you sleep alone tonight?
I know...
" 'Cause tonight is just like any other night
That's why you're on your own tonight
With your triumphs and your charms
While they're in each other's arms...
It's so easy to laugh
It's so easy to hate
It takes strength to
be gentle and kind
Over, over, over, over"
Never Had No One Ever
I remember some said that the "six little nuggets" speech wasn't that wholesome since it represents Steve's wish to never be alone again and get unconditional love; therefore Never Had No One Ever could represent this fear: the fear of dying alone.
"When you walk without ease
On these streets where you were raised
I had a really bad dream
It lasted 20 years, 7 months, and 27 days
And I know alone that I never, ever oh
Had no one ever"
Steddie content below ma mates, please don't read if you don't like it, and stay respectful :)
Angst
Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loved Me
Scenario: It's Eddie's death anniversary, Steve visits his grave and apologizes for not being able to save him; he tells Eddie how much the kids need him (especially Dustin) and he wishes he could come back. That night he plays Strangeways, Here We Come, then the songs start playing and he breaks down.
"Last night I felt
Real arms around me
No hope, no harm
Just another false alarm
So, tell me how long
Before the last one?
And tell me how long
Before the right one?
The story is old - I know
But it goes on"
The Boy With the Thorn in His Side
Steve's parents finally show up just to make his life a living hell since they don't approve of his sexuality (much less the fact that Steve is in love with a guy who was accused of murder)
"The boy with the thorn in his side
Behind the hatred there lies
A murderous desire for love"
"How can they look into my eyes
And still they don't believe me?
How can they hear me say those words
And still they don't believe me?"
"And after all this time
They don't want to believe us
And if they don't believe us now
Will they ever believe us?"
Hurt/comfort
What She Said
Okay okay okay, imagine Eddie getting into Steve's music taste just to have more in common, he finds Steve's collection of The Smiths, and a song, in particular, catches his attention: it's "What She Said" Once he hears it he can't stop matching the lyrics to his poor boyfriend.
"What she said was sad
But then, all the rejection she's had
To pretend to be happy
Could only be idiocy"
"What she said was not for the job or
Lover that she never has"
"What she said:
"I smoke 'cause I'm hoping for an early death
And I need to cling to something!""
(Eddie knows that the lyrics "It took a tattooed boy from Birkenhead to really, really open her eyes" probably talk about someone who hurt the girl the song's about; but he likes to think he will be the tattooed boy who will make Steve open his eyes and see himself with love for once)
Fluff
There Is a Light That Never Goes Out
The whole song screams steddie to me- I imagine Steve hanging out with Eddie after a horrible fight with his parents; Eddie doesn't just comfort Steve but he tells him that Wayne and he are planning to leave Hawkins since living there is such a risk, this leads to the question "Would you like to come with us? Just the three of us?" and Steve starts crying while nodding happily.
You have to listen to the whole song but here's my favorite part
"Take me out tonight
Oh, take me anywhere, I don't care
I don't care, I don't care
Driving in your car
I never, never want to go home
Because I haven't got one, la-di-dum
Oh, I haven't got one
Oh, oh"
I JUST WANT STEVE RUNNING AWAY WITH EDDIE WHILE THIS SONG PLAYS AND STEVE TELLS EDDIE HE MAKES HIM FEEL AT HOME DON'T @ ME
#steddie#stranger things#stranger things angst#eddie munson#steve harrington#steddie angst#steddue fuff#stranger things 4#SoundCloud#Spotify
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On everything everywhere all at once, soul, and why some stories about how there’s still hope work and some don’t. (well at least for me).
There are many stories with this main idea, and although they widely differ in execution, they all carry this theme through their center: there’s a person, or a group of people or some entity that have lost all hope in life (or never had it to begin with) and see everything as meaningless and hopeless and don’t have the reason to go on. And in most of them through the course of the story they find a meaning to life or a way to go on with it. Considering that “the meaning of life” and finding it is a very common issue in us, humans the rate at which we see stories around this topic is no wonder but, what I want to talk about is the execution.
I watched Everything Everywhere All At Once last night, and through its weird but gripping plot, eye catching visuals and all that I was fully captivated. But there was more to it, as it was edging to the end I was beginning to feel more and more attached, and I was getting more and more filled with the familiar sensation that I was going to get disappointed yet again. But I didn’t. the movie ended as I was sobbing, and they weren’t tears of frustration, they were tears caused by witnessing something that had bared my soul, something that left a mark. And then I began to wonder why? And what was different?
Flashback to like a year and a half ago, let’s just say that in that time I wasn’t in a good place mentally, just like the characters in those stories I was struggling to find any meaning to life. And in that time, I watched Soul and to be honest, I hated it. Not in a I-didn’t-like-this-movie-I-wish-I’d-watched-something-else way, in the way that I was deeply disappointed and frustrated. Like other medias that I’ve had this feeling towards (the other closest example I can think of was Matt Haig’s How To Stop Time), my problems with them root in me relating to the characters too much, and then not at all. While watching Soul I could feel 22’s despair, her frustration and the feeling of being done with it. And then like some invisible switch was flipped, she just accepted that “life still has its beauties and everything matters” and all that, and that was when I couldn’t relate to her anymore.
It made me sad and angry at the same time, because I felt seen through her just for my reality to be thrown out the window later, because it doesn’t work like that, at least for me. To this day although I’m really better than past me, I still can’t imagine how that could make sense. And I’m not saying it’s wrong to find meaning in life like that, or that people who do are wrong, or that stories like this are objectively bad. What I’m saying is for me, (and I think there must be other people with similar feelings) it gave the message that “you just gotta appreciate life” as if it’s as simple as that. I know it’s not the message that those books/movies intend to give, but for people who are already deeply struggling, and can’t find their way out just by seeing someone else triumph in life and be inspired by it, seeing stories like this, they can’t help but feel that their experience is being undermined by those stories. ////
And thus this brings me back to my original point. After finishing EEAAO, I remembered my past experience with Soul. Like the latter, I felt the same kind of attachment with June in the former, just that the end result differed. So I asked myself what was different about EEAAO, because by the end of it June did actually change sides. So after several hours of diving into internet fan contents of it, thinking about the themes used the movie and rewatching some parts of it several times, I think I’ve found the answer, and it mostly lies in the scene near the end when Evelin has let June go but then tells her to wait, which is the turning point for June/Jubo.
In that scene Evelin begins by acknowledging June’s pain, even agrees that “Of all the places I could be why would I want to be here with you? Yes, you’re right it doesn’t make sense.” She even says that yes there may be some new discovery that’ll make us feel even smaller pieces of shit, but then that’s the part she turns the tables with: “No matter what, I still want to be here with you. I will always, always want to be here with you.”, but June still isn’t convinced, a promise wouldn’t make the hurt go away. So she replys: “So what? You … you’re just gonna ignore everything else? You could be anything, anywhere. Why not go somewhere where you’re daughter is more than just this? Here all we get are a few specks of time where any of this actually makes any sense?” and that last sentence is replica of one that Jobu had said to Evelin before, when she showed her the bagel: “Not a single moment will go by, without every other universe screaming for your attention, never fully there just a lifetime of … fractured moments contradictions and confusion with only a few specks of time where anything actually makes any sense.” But when Evelin replys this time, facing her daughter, it hits deep: “Then I will cherish these few specks of time.”
So I think that’s how EEAAO makes it work, Evelin doesn’t convince June to stay by telling her that life is beautiful, that every moment we live is a wonder, she doesn’t romanticize living or simplify her struggles. She doesn’t weaponize reality against June, she doesn’t tell her to look at the sun or listen to the music of the wind, because if you’re that deep into that rabbit hole you may as well see polar lights with your own eyes and it wouldn’t make a damn difference. Evelin tells her that she’ll stay there with her no matter what, she doesn’t try to sell her some hope that June couldn’t reach or try to twist the situation into something bearable, instead she listens and acts on what’s already there, those few specks of time. They can’t make all the hurt go away, they can’t suddenly be content with their life and let go of all the lives they didn’t get to live, but what they can do, what they have is cherishing those few moments and making them dear to their hearts. So that’s how they make it work: by making the characters truly listen to each other and face their reality for what it is and work through it with what they have, even through heated and emotional argument. Also I think this coming from Evelin who had the closest experience to what June/Jobu went through makes it even more touching.
I’d like to finish this off by bringing one of my favorite quotes from Allegiant by Veronica Roth that has a similar theme:
“Yeah, sometimes life really sucks,” she says. “But you know what I’m holding on for?”
[…] “The moments that don’t suck,” she says. “The trick is to notice them when they come around.”
fin.
#i may have spent too much time on this#(a thrilling saga)#and this may have gotten a little bit out of hand#and I don't even know if anyone would even care enough to even read it or not#but! i really enjoyed writing this sooo i guess that's what counts#everything everywhere all at once#eeaao#eeaao spoilers#eeaao review#soul#soul 2020#movie review#???#movie commentary
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