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aminiatureworld · 3 years

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Spotlight

Characters: Albedo, Kazuha, Xiao, gn!reader

Word Count: 3,707

Warnings: Swearing

Premise: Modern AU in which the reader’s s/o is famous.

Author’s Note: My first crack at a modern AU and I enjoyed it immensely! My personal media of choice definitely came through in this prompt. I would now kill for Albedo to read Shakespeare. Also streamer Kazuha is an inspired idea, thank you anon for that! Not to mention musician Xiao, truly chef’s kiss.

Albedo

Albedo was a stage actor, both by education and by trade. Starting in high school he began in local productions, before entering into the Mondstadt Theateracademie. After appearing as Estragon in a filmed version of Waiting for Godot, he began to be scouted for various television miniseries, eventually becoming a well-respected film actor.

You arrived somewhere in the middle of his career. Working as a costume assistant at the Academie you had quickly fallen for the inquisitive and deceptively intense soul that exuded every color of emotion onstage, from raging anger to soft sorrow, before stepping into the wings and resuming an aura of utter calm. He had captivated you, both as an actor and as a human being; and when you learned that he had also become slightly infatuated with you, well, it was hard not to feel like you had stepped into a wonderful play, or perhaps simply a wonderful play had been brought to life.

The switch from theatre to screen was certainly a jarring one for both of you. When the first film contract was offered Albedo had stared at it for a long time, rereading it over and over again as the coffee in front of him quickly turned cold.

“Is there something wrong with the contract?” You had asked.

“No, it’s not that. It’s only…”

“Only?”

“Only on stage there is a single audience. You can feel their reactions, can measure their response. There is nothing nebulous about the people around you. But on film you cannot do that. You cannot adjust for time of day, or whether it’s a weekend or a Friday performance. You must let your lines out and hope that they land without even being able to calculate it.”

“It’s not a science experiment my darling,” you had teased.

“Maybe not,” Albedo admitted. Still he continued to read and reread, and it was only until the next afternoon that he had told you his answer.

Still, you had to admit that he made a fantastic actor. The naturally inward part of your partner’s personality, the part that always seemed to jump out the moment he left the stage, worked well to balance with the camera’s need for subtlety, unlike the projection required for stage plays. It was little surprise then that he should grow so popular. Despite all the worries about measuring audience response, there was no doubting the success of Albedo’s acting career.

Being a naturally withdrawn person Albedo mostly stayed off of social media. He had one private Instagram for friends – he didn’t post anything; one private Facebook for family – the only picture was one of you two in the mountains next to a particularly weird looking rock; and WhatsApp – which could barely be counted. Thus when he started blowing up on Twitter – a platform you had a mostly unused account on – the reaction was mostly one of “why are they talking about me?”

Not that Albedo minded fan enthusiasm, indeed when people started showing up in droves at the stage door for him he was always careful to thank everyone collectively and talk to as many people as possible, it just sort of confused him that so many people should take a vested interest in the actor and not just the character.

“It’s because they want to show you how wonderful they think your performances are,” you’d explained.

“I don’t have Twitter,” Albedo deadpanned.

Despite his protests though you sometimes caught him scrolling on your account, face slightly red at all the positive attention. His habit of internal self-deprecation had never truly gone away. That fact became slightly unfortunate in the face of hate comments. It was hard for Albedo not to take things personally. If someone said his acting was shit then you would catch Albedo reading the same line over and over again, as if to achieve mathematical perfection. It was a difficult urge to fight, and you were always careful to give Albedo plenty of reassurance when these things popped up, as well as surreptitiously blocking the trolls that wandered their way onto your dash.

This habit to take things at face value did not apply when you entered the mix. As far as Albedo was concerned you were his partner and no amount of complaining online would make him second guess that or second guess your worth. Even if you thought that you had a better hold on social media assholerly than he did Albedo would still make sure that for every hate comment that floated your way there were at least three compliments on his part. Mentioning you off-handedly in press interviews, saying that he had to go home to his partner, leaving small sketches on post-it notes scattered throughout your apartment, there were no lengths that Albedo wouldn’t go to assure you. And, if you had to admit, these things truly did make you feel better on the days when the small part of your brain said that this wasn’t mindless social media harassment.

Being an actor Albedo had an incredibly fine-tuned sense of the way that people responded to emotions, as if he were performing some grand sort of scientific experiment to see how many people he could sway with his gift. As of such he was always careful that, regardless of his success, things between you were never upturned. You were with him before he was really famous, and you would be there during and after. Albedo loved you deeply; though he often said that he hated romance plays for how sappy they were in his mind your relationship was the one, glowing exception – regardless of the other happy couples in the world. Though it was slightly idealistic, it was the kind of intensity that comprised Albedo’s personality, was the thing that had garnered him so much success.

Albedo loved you deeply, and no amount of surprise movie contracts would change that.

Kazuha

You had to admit that when you had met Kazuha you had no idea about his double life as a streamer. He was merely one of the many singers that came and went to the recording studios, all people eager to unleash their talent on the world. But unlike the rest of them, Kazuha could make you laugh.

Perhaps then it was unsurprising that Kazuha should be a popular streamer. Though his often florid talking style might seem on paper like it would be too grating for streaming, in reality his soft cadence combined with a dry sense of humor made him wildly popular. He rarely lost his temper, making him palatable to those who wanted to have a fun time without blowing their ears out, and when he did lose it his hyper-specific, often nonsensical insults were the stuff of memes. No, in retrospect it was not all that surprising that Kazuha was a beloved streamer.

At heart though, Kazuha had told you over coffee, the enthusiastic and earnest internet sensation was a poet.

“When you’ve had a life as dissonant as mine, how can you not be?” He’d joked. And indeed perhaps he was right, for Kazuha was as wonderful a poet as you had ever read. He was born to be a writer, you had told him.

You were also an aspiring singer, as well as a friend of the studio owner where you did your recordings. As such you had made it a habit to help around the studio when you weren’t also working or studying. As you and Kazuha were both students with intense side jobs, the good natured complaining of overworked students also made their way into you rapport, a friendship that grew day-by-day. Eventually it sprouted into love.

Though you knew that Kazuha was a streamer when your relationship started, in reality you hadn’t realized how truly popular he had become. The first time you watched one of his streams you were blown away by his popularity. Watching your first livestream only cemented that. It was hard to believe that your down-to-earth, slightly self-effacing, partner could have garnered such a large fanbase. Not that you didn’t think he deserved it. He absolutely did. However after seeing that you admitted you were a bit awestruck.

“Why? Am I not the same person on screen and off?”

“Of course you are! It’s just, well, my partner’s a celebrity!”

“I would go that far,” Kazuha laughed.

“Well you certainly are to me!”

Nevertheless your dynamic didn’t change much afterwards, besides the occasional teasing on both of your parts. Kazuha was after all Kazuha at the end of the day.

At the beginning Kazuha didn’t mention you much on stream, certainly not by name, you had to admit you were a bit intimidated by the idea of being recognizable on the internet, even if it was just by name.

“This is also my partner’s favorite map.” Had been his first mention, during a game of Mario Kart.

Despite this offhanded remark however the chat had almost immediately exploded, followed by the rest of the fanbase. Though there was, of course, some disappointed buzz – isn’t there always – the reaction was immensely positive. Positive, and curious.

After a while Kazuha started mentioning you more often in streams, especially after the two fo you moved in. Sometimes you would hear him as you passed him room – Kazuha liked to keep the door open – other times you would watch it on stream yourself.

“My partner hates this character. Too bad you can’t throw evidence.”

“Nobody tell my partner that I’m afraid of basements. I don’t need them to know that when laundry day rolls around.”

“Hey if you’re watching this dear, I promise that it’s not that much money. You don’t need to look at the bank account. Who am I kidding, this is why we don’t share one.”

“Hey, darling I know you’re watching this. Can you check and make sure I left my keys on the coffee table, they aren’t on my desk. Also can you make tea?”

Despite fans knowing very little about you, you were surprised by the amount of positive comments that flooded the streams. You had to admit that your initial expectations had been “people are going to find me annoying”. Instead funny comics of your voice drifting in from the other room popped up, along with a lot of waving and “tell your partner not to trust you with the keys” after Kazuha fell off a cliff one too many times. It was an odd experience, to be so happy about the comments of faceless people, people to whom you were also faceless.

Eventually Kazuha’s hardwork in singing paid off and his first single was recorded and given a deal. On the evening of the release livestream Kazuha set up in the living room, angling the camera so that you could sit on the chair just out of frame. You had talked about the release for months now, and a few weeks ago Kazuha had brought up the idea of a pseudo-stream reveal.

“I was wondering if you’d like to say hello to the audience or wave when my song is released. I understand that you’re hesitant about those sort of things, and I would never ask of you something that would make you uncomfortable. This relationship is the most precious thing to me, and I wouldn’t want you to feel pressured or exploited in any ways.”

“Thank you for being so considerate Kazuha. I’ll think about it.”

Now you sat in the chair, fidgeting slightly, waiting as the countdown on his laptop reached one. You excitement certainly seemed matched by that of the fans, who were typing wildly in the chat.

Eventually the screen faded to black and the chatting quieted down. The first few notes of a wooden flute emerged, combined with the strumming of a guitar. As the familiar words began to echo through the laptop speaker you found yourself washed away. Kazuha was always enthralling when he sang. At the end of the song was a dedication, and though Kazuha had already alluded to it, the sincerity still took your breath away.

To my dearest partner. My compass and my guiding star throughout this realization of my dream. You are my sun and my stars, and I’m forever devoted to you. Thank you for sharing in this project, and thank you for giving me such love.

Perhaps it was slightly saccharine. Regardless you felt the sudden, uninhibited urge to cry.

“So, what did everyone think?” Kazuha asked into the mic, face reappearing on screen. He was slightly giddy, and you watched as his hand tugged on the fabric of his linen belt.

Immediately the chat exploded, as waves of “that was amazing”, “I’m crying now”, and “the end was so sweet!” flooded the screen.

“Thank you all for the encouragement!” Kazuha let out a laugh, one that you could tell was one of utter euphoria, and no little relief. “There’s someone else I think who would like to thank you.”

Who knew that a small sentence could cause such a splash?

You barely had time to let out a tentative “Hello,” before an immediate wave of excited screaming covered the bottom left of Kazuha’s stream. “Thank you for supporting Kazuha’s song. And thank you for always being nice to me.” With a tentative wave of the hand you collapsed back on your chair, slightly hysterical laughter rising inside you out of the relief that flooded through you upon seeing the enthused fan reaction.

Afterwards your voice became the occasional guest on Kazuha’s streams, always greeted with enthusiasm. Kazuha continued to grow in popularity, and his music continued to capture a larger and larger audience.

All throughout this you never felt a snag in your relationship. Kazuha may have been a big streaming personality, but he was also a kind and considerate partner, the best that one could ask for in a significant other. Kazuha’s love was never in question. And neither was yours.

Xiao

Sometimes you were a little self-conscious about the way that you met Xiao.

Though Xiao had definitely grown a following by the time you met – being the main pianist for a popular singer and a classical pseudo-prodigy in both piano and flute his own right certainly had roped him an enthusiastic fanbase – you had simply known him as “the guy who hogs the practice room”.

“I swear to the gods, how long can that bastard take to practice!” You texted angrily at your friend one day. Qixing Conservatory was the premiere music place in Liyue, but what should’ve been an amazing opportunity was being overshadowed by a practice room partner who appeared to not have a life, one who also had the obnoxious habit of playing the same damn thing over, and over, and over again.

“Playing the same piece as before?”

“Yes! Ugh I don’t even know what it’s called but I’ve heard it enough times to last a lifetime, maybe five!”

“Damn I’m sorry, what time does he usually end?”

“I don’t even know. Some time in the early evening. It’s obviously never gotten through to his brain that other people also need to practice. Or that hearing the same notes over and over while waiting makes me want to chuck my binder against a wall.”

“Lol. I kinda want to hear it now. Can you send a video, will the sound pick up?”

“I don’t know how it wouldn’t.”

“…”

“Holy shit! Okay, I need you to watch this video and tell me if you recognize the pianist.”

Safe to say you nearly fell out of your chair upon figuring out Xiao’s identity. Not that you weren’t already about to out of pure exasperation. Still, there was something much more intimidating about shaming a successful musician, and you no longer had the urge to glare at Xiao every time he left the practice room. Honestly, you would have been perfectly happy keeping your head down and never interacting with him at all.

Fate, however, has a sense of humor.

To be fair, some of it was your fault. You knew that Erlkonig was a massively difficult piece. You knew that you should’ve picked something else, knew that even Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata mvt. Three had to be less painful than the non-vocal arrangement you’d placed in front of your eyes. You were never trusting your music taste with your piece choices again. This was a terrible mistake.

“These stupid fucking running notes!” You let out, a groan of exasperation racing through you. Half slamming (you weren’t crazy) the piano cover down you swung the door of the practice room open. You didn’t want to deal with this anymore. Trying to ignore the embarrassment that rose up seeing Xiao waiting on a chair next to the door you went to walk down the hallway.

“You should work on it with a dotted sixteenth note pattern.”

It was the first time that Xiao had ever spoken to you.

Afterwards a rapport slowly grew between the two of you. Often Xiao said nothing as you passed, rarely you made a gesture of recognition when he finally reappeared from the practice room. However soon the occasional word or phrase of advice grew into longer sentences, later these sentences evolved into pieces of conversation. Soon enough you discovered, to your slight horror, that you found yourself yearning for Xiao’s company.

Almost as soon as you’d finally figured out your feelings you were hit with a wave of denial. You weren’t falling for Xiao? How could you fall for someone who got on your nerves so much? Sure he gave you advice, but what about it? You deserved it after having to hear him over and over again while waiting. Certainly Xiao didn’t seem interested in you, he barely talked to you! Yeah he was getting more talkative, but it’s easier to talk to people when you’re giving them advice. There’s no way you were in love with Xiao. And there was no way he was in love with you.

To say that Xiao’s career as a musician, never mind his genuine technical talent at two instruments, was a barrier would be an understatement. The moment you thought you were making some progress, finally admitting to yourself that this crush was, in fact, real, a wave of anxiety would pass over you. Xiao was too good for you, he was too important. Here was a man who had a successful musical career already up in the air while you banged frustratedly on the keys. Why would someone that successful be interested in you? Not to mention the fact that he didn’t seem interested.

Because, you had to admit, you did like Xiao’s music. Not just his classical repertoire, but his pop music as well. It was slightly jazzy, mellow and playful and utterly unlike the scowling musician behind it – something you secretly thought extremely cute and surprisingly charming. To him you were just a practice roommate, and you were sure he’d find the idea of dating someone who was more familiar with his public persona irritating.

So you buried your feelings, or tried to. Unfortunately like sometimes attracts like, and just as Xiao secretly had the emotional understanding of a teaspoon, you weren’t nearly as clever about things as you would like.

“Is there something on my face?” Xiao asked, his voice gruff and slightly reluctant.

“No, why would there be?”

“Because you’re staring at it!”

“Oh, I’m sorry!” You let your head drop, looking intently at the ivories in front of you. Eventually there was a sigh.

“You don’t have to do that. I… I don’t mind.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes! You staring down is weird too. Let’s, let’s just hurry up and do this passage.”

After that you became more aware of your staring habit. You also became more aware of Xiao’s own habit, leaning towards you. Sometimes you swore that you could feel the tips of his hair tickling your neck, light and feathery and stealing all your attention.

“Hey, Xiao, do you need glasses?”

“Why would you asked that!” Xiao flared up, face reddening. By this time you’d become more accustomed to these flareups of grumpiness, and ignoring it you pressed on.

“It’s just, you seem to be leaning forward.”

“I’m not!” Immediately Xiao shifted back, almost stepping away. Without thinking about it you reached to grab his hand.

“I didn’t mean it was a bad thing!” You got out, before becoming aware of your hand grasping Xiao’s. The touch felt electric, and you were suddenly so very aware of everything, yet unable to focus at all.

“Then you shouldn’t have brought it up.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s fine.” Xiao grumbled.

Slowly the musician leaned closer to you once more. You had already half stood up and now you found yourself stepping closer to Xiao. The world continued to shrink until you were almost pressed together. Xiao was leaning forward, as were you, and the longer tufts of his hair were tickling your cheek, helped by the fan whirring away in the corner. Your hand was still in his, but all your thoughts appeared to have died away.

“Xiao?”

“Is this, too close?”

“No.”

“Oh.”

“Xiao?”

“What?”

“I like your music. I hope that doesn’t bother you.”

“Why would it?”

“I don’t know. I just, I also like you, not just your music. But I also like your music.”

“I also like yours too.”

Perhaps it wasn’t the most romantic of confessions, but at that point you were far too carried away by the moment, or maybe by the fact that was the most sentences Xiao had strung together that weren’t about triplets. Regardless of the fact, you were suddenly seized by incredible happiness, as all appeared to right itself.

Afterwards initially little changed, Xiao was a gruff as ever, you were still itching to play in the practice room more. Nevertheless when you went to a concert of his for the first time and he let out a small, almost imperceptible, smile your way you knew things had changed. They would keep changing perhaps, or maybe they wouldn’t. After all, this moment was beautiful.

So much that you didn’t even mind the hours spent waiting for the practice room.

#genshin impact #albedo x reader #kazuha x reader #xiao x reader #genshin albedo #genshin kazuha #genshin xiao #genshin impact fanfiction #requested #my writing #scenarios

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imlovethomassanders · 4 years

Text

Destined - Chapter 2

You can also read on ao3

This work is completed and will be updated daily until completion:

Chapter 1 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Chapter 5 (FINAL)

Summary: Damien never wanted soulmates. When his fifteenth birthday came, he prayed he wouldn’t receive a “hint” - a way soulmates are connected to help find each other. And to Damien’s horror, the universe gives him multiple soulmates. He’s determined to not let them find out about them. He wants to let them live in ignorant bliss and not force them to deal with him. As Damien grows older, he moves away and goes to college - He even manages to find a boyfriend that he chose himself, and Damien tells himself that he’s happy. But on Damien’s twentieth birthday, the universe gives him and his soulmates another hint - and this one is not one Damien can avoid.

Pairing: DLAMP

Warnings:Abusive romantic relationship (physically, sexually, and verbally), past physical parental abuse, sex and alcohol mentions, general angst (but happy ending)

Words: 3724

Taglist:

@touchstarvedvirgil

@lamp-calm-sanders

@ninjago2020

@confinesofpersonalknowledge

@secret-novelisthost18

@phander-sides

@sherlock-lives-on-bakerstreet

Damien woke up alone again, but that was expected. Jackson wasn't coming back until late that night. He groaned as he pushed himself up. He didn't want to think about how Jackson would react to his new hint.

He glanced down at his wrist to see writing, and he quickly looked back up - not quite ready to deal with all that.

He went to take a shower to clear his head, and turned the water to almost as hot as it would go before sitting on the small shower floor to let the hot water wash over him. Taking a deep breath, he decided to finally check the writing on his arm.

'Hello dear. I know we have yet to meet, but I already absolutely adore you. I was overjoyed to hear that I have a fourth love to pamper and dote on. I don't know what you're going through, but I know I want to help in whatever way you need me. I'm here for you <3' R wrote in their familiar messy cursive.

'I'm afraid I don't quite excelt in emotions, but do know that I hope you're alright and I look forward to the day we finally make acquiantance.' from L.

'Talk to us soon, please. We want to know you're safe.' from the purple writing.

'I told you they'd be excited <3' from Patton.

Damien wiped the tears from his eyes. They should be furious with him! They should want nothing to do with him! But instead they say they care about him - that they want him to be okay.

But he is okay. And how can they really care about him? They know nothing about him.

"So they can't really care," Damien muttered to himself as he stood up. He showered and dried off quickly so he could hurry and get his clothes back on.

Damien waited nervously for Jackson to come home. While waiting, he tried to figure out how to tell him about the new hint, but couldn't find the right words. When Damien heard the front door unlock, he still had no idea what to say.

"Hey," Damien said. He was immediately pulled into a kiss which caused him to smile and wish he could forget about his soulmates for just a few minutes.

"How're you?" Jackson asked as he slid his hand down Damien's back and squeezed his ass, causing Damien to jump.

Oh yeah. He had forgotten that was on the agenda.

"I actually have something to tell you..." Damien said. Jackson's eyebrows furrowed together.

"What?"

"I got another hint."

Anger flashed over Jackson's eyes, but it was gone almost as quickly as it appeared.

"Which one?"

"We can see through each other's eyes. I can't control when it happens," Damien said.

"What happened?" Jackson asked as the grip he had on Damien's arm grew tighter.

"It only happened once. He talked to me, but I didn't do anything back."

Damien yelped as Jackson yanked his arms towards him and pushed his sleeves up to read what they had written.

"Well, I'll just have to remind you who you belong to, huh?"

Jackson looked up at him with dark eyes. Damien shuddered, but he nodded. And before he knew it, he was being picked up and flung onto the bed.

It was two weeks until their new hint was triggered again. Damien was about to fall asleep, Jackson's arm wrapped around his waist, when he was alerted it was going to happen again. He winced as the world went white.

He was in an empty theater. There was a ghostlight on the stage and a single spotlight on him, but everything else was dark. The stranger Damien was looking through had frozen in place.

"Well, hello!" they said after a couple of seconds. "I was wondering when I'd get the chance to talk to you."

They walked downstage and sat down on the edge, looking over the dark house.

"I'm Roman. I'm a bit surprised that the universe decided now was a good time for me to speak to you, but I'm not complaining. I'm here practicing my big monologue for the play coming up," Roman said as he grabbed his water bottle. He took a drink before continuing. "I've been doing theatre since I was a kid. Not to brag, but I'm pretty damn good at it. The professors here love me~"

Damien rolled his eyes.

"They gave me a spare key to the theater for practice. It's so hard during the day when students keep coming in and out of the theater. Do you know how many times I've found some student just sleeping in the house seats? It's ridiculous."

Roman fell onto his back to lay down on the stage.

"...That morning when Patton told us we had another soulmate, I almost didn't believe him," Roman said softly after a moment, raising his hand to the light. "I mean, no offense to you, but years without a fifth person's writing would make you think that. But he told us how he spoke to you. He sounded so serious. And Pat's not one to joke about things like that."

Roman dropped his arm beside him.

"But the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. As much as I adore the other three, there has always been this feeling that something was missing. I was never willing to bring it up as to not worry my beloveds, because I didn't want them to think I was unhappy with them. I'm happier than I ever imagined I could be. But it felt like... like when you don't need something for school one day, so you leave it home. But then for the entire day you feel off because that familiar weight isn't in your backpack. That's how it felt, and now I understand why.

Damien's eyebrows furrowed as he adjusted himself further into his pillow.

"I really can't understand why you won't talk to us," Roman said after another moment. "I don't want to offend you or scare you off, but I really don't get it. I spent my entire childhood looking forward to my fifteenth birthday. Then again, I'm told I'm quite the romantic. Perhaps you are not? I don't want my fervor to scare you away. However doting I may be, more than anything I want my soulmates happy. Don't ever think I wouldn't be happy to slow down to whatever pace your comfortable with."

They were alerted that their time together was almost over, and Roman sighed.

"Don't be afraid to talk to us. See you soon, my darling."

And Damien was back in his room.

...My darling.

Roman didn't even know him and he had called Damien his darling.

He thought back to what Roman said, about going at Damien's own pace, and how Jackson treated him.

Damien then pushed that train of thought aside, adamant to not let these strangers make him think poorly of Jackson. Jackson did everything he did because he loved and wanted him. They chose each other.

He was sure that whatever promises his soulmates made to him would be broken as soon as they met. As soon as he opened his snarky mouth around them, they'd change their minds and leave. Just like everyone else - except Jackson.

In his sleep, Jackson tightened his grip on Damien and snuggled closer. Damien smiled and nestled further into Jackson's chest, ready to finally be able to sleep.

It had been a few months after Damien's night with Roman. It was now the summer leading into his next year of college, and Damien was glad things had gone back to normal. His and Jackson's relationship had fallen back into their regular pattern of date nights and sex, Jackson's jealousy rarely flaring up.

Summer had been quite boring, spending days on end alone in the house whenever Jackson went off with friends. But it did give Damien plenty of time to practice and experiment with makeup. Pretty soon, he felt he was ahead of anyone else in his upcoming makeup classes.

With this newfound confidence and the comfort of his normal routine, he rarely found himself worrying about his new hint.

That is, of course, until it happened again.

Damien sighed as he sat back in his chair in front of the mirror.

"Let's just get this over with," Damien thought as the world again went white.

He was on a campus. His school campus.

Oh, no. They went to his school.

He was walking towards one of the main student parking lots, though it was mostly empty since it was summer. Whoever he was seeing through was holding a phone to their ear.

"I have my phone so I can speak to you without worrying passerby," the stranger said. "It is quite unexpected timing, but that is not to say I am displeased. I am actually very grateful that I have been given this chance to talk to you, especially since it has been so long since any of us have had a... visit from you, I guess would be an appropriate term."

"My name is Logan. I am taking summer classes here. I'm majoring in chemical engineering, but I am also pursuing education to become a teacher or professor if I so choose."

"I call it a backup plan. Roman calls it overkill."

Logan unlocked his car and shoved his phone in his pocket before shutting the door and starting the ignition.

"I have been thinking about what I would say to you when given the chacne, but now that I find myself in this predicament I can not seem to find my words."

Logan paused as he backed his car out of the parking lot.

"Roman and Patton told me what they said. While I entertained the thought of giving an emotional spiel of the same caliber, I am afraid I am just not capable of putting emotions into words. Facts are more my forte - Concrete statements that can not be disputed. So here are the facts: I understand your hesitance of speaking to your soulmates, since it took me weeks after my fifteenth birthday to write to Patton. I do not know you, so I can not claim that I adore or love you, but I genuinely do hope that you are in a safe situation, and I look forward to when we are able to meet."

"There. Maybe when we meet in person I can think of something better to say, but for now I think this will suffice."

Damien sighed in relief. He didn't know if he could handle another emotionally guilting speech.

"We have an apartment not too far from campus. We used to live on the other side of town and the commutes got so annoying."

Damien tensed as he watched Logan turn onto the road by his apartment. Oh, for the love of God, please don't let them live in the same complex.

Damien sighed in relief as Logan drove past.

"It was hard to find a relatively cheap apartment that could fit the four of us - we are incredibly lucky for what we have. We had to buy a larger bed, and we still argue over the one bathroom sometimes, but all in all I say it has been worth it."

As Logan stopped at a red light, the two were alarted that their time together was going to end.

"Well, I hope this was not a miserable experience for you. Frankly, I am still trying to get used to the concept. I hope I get to see you soon, and I wish you the best."

Damien was staring at himself in the mirror. He didn't feel like doing makeup anymore.

While that experience had been easier to stomach than the previous ones, it still wasn't ideal. Damien sighed as he reached for his makeup wipes.

They went to his school.

How many times had he walked past them? Had they seen each other before? Did they share any classes?

Damien knew he had to me much more cautious this upcoming school year.

A bit more than a month later, Damien was reading over his class schedule again. School was starting soon, and he couldn't stop worrying about meeting his soulmates.

Damien was hesitent to tell Jackson. Jackson would probably set even stricter rules for Damien, or he might even force Damien to stop going to campus altogether.

It was getting late and Damien was again waiting for Jackson to get home. Around in the morning he gave up waiting and went to get ready for bed.

He was brushing his teeth when he waws alerted he was going to see through one of his soulmates again. He groaned as he spit out his toothpaste. He was really tired and he just wanted to get some sleep. He left the bathroom and fell onto his bed, hitting the mattress as soon as the world went white.

It was dark - Damien couldn't tell where his soulmate was. But after a moment he could tell they were staring at their lap.

"Sorry," they suddenly said in a weak voice. "Give me a moment."

They took a shaky breath and wiped tears off their face. That voice wasn't Patton's, or Roman's, or Logan's. This was the purple handwriting.

The stranger looked up and though it was too dark to see much, Damien could tell they were sitting on the roof of a building.

"I just.." the stranger started, but trailed off. They sighed.

"I've been waiting for my turn to talk to you. I've been worrying about what I should say because I didn't want to say anything that might drive you even further away because I'm not great with words and then as more time went on I was worried that the universe decided I shouldn't speak to you because I'd just mess things up and-"

The stranger stopped their rant and took another shaky breath.

"I'm sorry. I just... I don't want to screw this up."

"The others are asleep. They don't know I'm up here. It's a good place to go to just be alone for a while."

"I'm okay, by the way. I'm just worried about the school year. It starts really soon. I'm an art major minoring in creative writing and while I really love it, it sometimes feels like too much to handle. Sometimes I can't help but think about every possible thing that could go wrong."

The stranger paused.

"I know you don't want to talk to us," they said slowly. "But we would like to get to know you. Even if you don't want to meet, if you'd just write us or... or... something. It's stressing all of us out. Patton's sad almost all the time. Roman's angry. He tries to act like he's not but he is. Logan and I are trying to be the reasonable ones, but I can tell it's bothering Lo, too and I just... I just... I..."

The stranger trailed off before closing his eyes and taking a deep breath.

Damien clenched his fists, sharp nails digging into his skin. He wasn't responsible for other people's emotions. He can not be to blame for how they are behaving-

"I'm sorry," the stranger whispered, snapping Damien out of his thoughts. "That was guilting. I don't want you to do anyting you don't want to do. If you really think you'd be happier without us, then okay. We want you to be happy."

Damien unclenched his fists.

"Is it something we said? Are you older than me? Younger? How long have you been reading our conversations without every saying anything?"

"Did Roman scare you off? I know he's obnoxious sometimes but he's a really nice guy and he knows when to tone it down when necessary. Maybe Logan? Look, he's brutally honest and sometimes doesn't know when to keep his opinions to himself, but he's a good dude."

"It couldn't have been Patton, could it? I mean, I guess he can be a bit overbearing, but it's only because he cares so much."

"...I wouldn't be surprised if it was me," Damien's soulmate whispered. "I know I'm snarky somtimes. And rude. And overly sarcastic. And I know my anxiety can be annoying to deal with. But the last thing I'd want is to drive anyone away."

Damien's mind was racing. His heart hurt for this stranger, and he was angry about it. It wasn't his soulmate's fault! This was all on him!

"And it isn't as bad as I made it out to be. I tend to exaggerate. We're getting better. It was a huge shock at first, but we're learning to live with it. So don't feel bad about that. Roman isn't really mad at you. He's mad at whatever is keeping you away from us. Sorry again for being so guilting."

His soulmate sat in silence as he stared towards the horizon. Damien wondered when their time together would run out. None of the other encounters had been this long.

"I was so scared on my fifteenth birthday," his soulmate whispered suddenly. "I didn't have a great upbringing. Well, none of us really did, but mine was particularly bad. Years of parental neglect and vicious bullying left me an anxious wreck."

Damien's breath hitched.

"I wanted a soulmate so badly. I wanted that special person that was promised to love me and accept me. So when I wrote 'hello' on my arm at midnight and no one wrote back, I cried for hours. Now I know that my soulmates were just asleep, but my mind didn't let me think rationally. My mind went to the worst possible scenario: I didn't have a soulmate"

"Then I woke up and saw three different sets of handwriting on my arm and I had a panic attack."

"But they were so nice and so excited to see me. I quickly fell for these three strangers, and they were the only people I trusted - even if I hadn't met them. They were there for me for ther est of high school. They helped me. No one had done that before."

"I actually stopped writing to them once I got to college, though. I fell into a really bad mental state. I convinced myself I was going to fail my classes and drop out and never do anything with my life. I thought the others would be better off without a burden like me.

"I couldn't help but read what they wrote, though. They would regularly ask if I was there, if I was okay. But I never answered. They had never even met me, so they'd get over me eventually, right?"

"Then I met Patton. We had an art class togther, though we never talked. I never really talked to anyone. But one day he had doodled all over his hand, so his doodles were on mine, too. He didn't notice at first, but I couldn't stop staring at him. Eventually he noticed, and he smiled at me with that Patton smile that melts any cold bone in you and assures you that everything is going to be okay."

"And you know what I did? I ran out of the room. I ran to my dorm and locked myself in the bathroom. Pathetic, huh?"

Damien could hear the smile in his voice.

"He later wrote to ask which one of us he had seen. I'm certain he knew it was me, though. When Roman and Logan found out they got so excited. They asked if I looked like I was doing okay. Patton said that I looked 'tired and dangerously skinny,' but that was normal for me. They were all so worried about me. That's when I realized it was bad for all of us for me to ignore them."

"The next art class, Pat was standing outside the door waiting for me. He asked if we could talk, and he gave me such a gentle smile I couldn't say no. We talked and talked and cried a bit, but we figured it out. Patton was adamant he get me out of the dorm with my shitty roommate, so we got a little apartment together. Later we ran into Logan and then Roman, and I thought things couldn't get any better."

"Then a couple years later, one morning Patton tells us we have another soulmate. I completely blanked. I remember staring off into the distance as everything around me turned blurry. The others were speaking, but I couldn't tell you what they had said. Logan led me to the couch and snapped me out of my daze. I was confused. And scared. Everything was finally becoming perfect, and now something was disrupting that."

"I was worried for you, but also anxious for myself, as selfish as that sounds. But then I started wondering, what if there was a fifth person with us? What if someone could be with me while the others had calsses? What if there was a fifth person made for us to join in on cuddle sessions and date nights? I realized we were missing a piece of ourselves, and that missing piece was you," his soulmate finished in a soft whisper.

"I'm sorry. I'm talking too much. You're probably getting sick of me."

Surprisingly, Damien found that he wasn't.

They were alerted that their time together was almost over, and his soulmate sighed.

"I should go back to bed. Take care of yourself, okay?"

Damien was back in his room. He took a shaky breath and pulled his blankets up right under his chin. He stared at the wall for at least half an hour before he heard the door open, meaning Jackson was home.

Damien didn't feel like dealing with Jackson, so he closed his eyes and pretended to be asleep. Jackson called out his name, and he heard Jackson huff as he headed towards the bedroom. For a moment, Damien was worried Jackson would want to wake him up, but instead he just laid down next to him, which Damien was thankful for. He just wanted to go to sleep so he didn't have to think about everything he had just heard.

Right before Damien succumbed to sleep, he realized his soulmate forgot to give his name.

(Thanks for reading! Chapter 3 is scheduled to be posted tomorrow, Jan 9 2020)

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sundoodle · 4 years

Photo

It's Revue Starlight Monster AU Time

it's gayer. it fluffier. it's very self indulgent only my ships for me hahahahaaha. All the monsters can transform into humans and back again, this post is gonna be a thread of the animal form ref sheets I made n some tiny details.

A....a LOT of Lore below.

LORE that me and @witchbogs have cowritten

Human Knowledge of Monsters:

Most monster communities Are Isolated from humans, but myths and a vague knowledge that they're out there is the common perception. Rumors if they are dangerous or friendly depends on the region/community. There are some areas where humans and monsters live alongside each other peacefully. However, noticing if someone is a monster or not depends upon a human's own ability to Perceive Magic

Our humans are Mahiru, Tamao, Lalafin, Aruru, Akira, and Yachiyo

Lalafin and Aruru grew up around monsters Akira and Yachiyo grew up within hunter families Mahiru and Tamao had casual exposure to monsters

Magical Perception Rank High: Lalafin, Mahiru, Yachiyo Mediuim: Aruru Low: Akira and Tamao

Lalafin grew up in a household that helped protect monsters from hunters. Aruru just grew up chilling with Misora's fam. Tamao had contact with the Hanayagi's but her low perception didn't leave her with much of an impact. Mahiru had the occasional werewolf friend (coughsuzucough)

Akira was raised in one of two very prestigious hunter clans, but her magic perception is utter shit. Her test to become a full-fledged hunter failed because she ended up contracted to Michiru. Akira has no contact with her family and she doesn't really care .

Yachiyo was raised with the other clan and is a full-fledged hunter. Her first solo mission was SUPPOSED to be subduing Fumi, but Fumi transferred and Shiori is....well. She reports back to her family on the dealings of the monsters in the school. The accuracy of them shifts.

WEREWOLF TIME

Our werewolves are Karen, Hikari, Rui, Fumi, Shiori, and Misora

werewolves aren't turned, it's a hereditary magic, and families are werewolf packs. however, the transformation only happens if you have a certain level of estrogen in your system.

Transformation can happen at will, however, everyone Will transform during a full moon. Partial transformations often happen when emotions run high and the wolf gets sloppy. Karen, Hikari, and Fumi are all pretty typical wolfies.

Rui is typical in all but size. she is. ENORMOUS. like size of a small car. While the others are generally a normal wolf size. Except also Shiori, who was sickly as a kid, so her werewolf form is rather small, and high levels of stress can keep her trapped in her puppy form for several days

Misora is a trans girl. She is recently started estrogen and reached the threshold for transformations to start shortly before leaving for frontier. most Beginning transformations happen when werewolves are babies, and their bones are still soft, so the transformation isn't hard. so unfortunately Misora's first couple are painful and she struggles easing into casual ones without the moon. Her fur also starts out real patchy. But everyone at frontier helps her settle in and make sure she's comfortable as possible and are super happy for her when she starts fluffin out

NEKOMATA/bakeneko

Tsukasa is basically a were-tiger, but with a split tail and some neat magical powers. she helps misora a lot with her transformations and is thrilled to be able to interact more casually with other magical creatures. her fam was real strict on secrecy ( fun side note, Frontier def has a whole lil page dedicated to their 'friendly tiger' who just wanders around and hangs out in the performance dorms so many rumors start flying when a red wolf starts showing up with her )

VAMPIRES

Claudine, Nana, and Shizuha are all vamps

full vampirism isn't a heritable trait, since it stops a human from aging. But, vampire clans often adopt orphaned children and turn them if they so choose. Half-vamps are also a thing. Loner vamps are the dangerous ones.

Claudine is a halfie and she chose to join her mother in staying a vampire. She also functions like a Twilight Vampire where she doesn't burn in the sun but sparkles. Everyone just thinks she uses a lot of body glitter. She was originally born in about 1920. Mostly eats meat rare for blood, but if someone offers she’ll take a sip

Shizuha is a pretty new vampire who was raised by a clan. They adopted her from an orphanage and she chose to turn just because she likes her family a lot. Her type of vampire burns in the sun but her health goo is a potion to keep it from killing her. Og born in 1970s. Shizuha’s goo is also her vampire food, but again, will drink from friends who offer (usually lalafin and aruru)

Nana is the oldest vampire. She was turned in a loner accident over 200 years ago. With no vampire support system, she went feral with bloodlust for the first couple decades until she met up with vampire hisame, who calmed her down before leaving her for more civilized vamps. She then chose to stay in a series of tunnels under where Seisho was built, and stayed there eating rats until Karen dug a hole in the garden and dragged her into the common room to show all her new friends. Nana works with Junna for her sun-protection and a way to turn mortal. Nana refuses to drink from humans in fear she’ll go feral again

WITCH

Junna's a witch. She insists she's simply a scientist with a high magic perception. She deals mostly in potion making rather than spells. She helps Nana create blood-replacements for vampires, vampire sunscreen, and is researching a way for Nana to be mortal again

KITSUNE

Maya and Kaoruko. Kaoruko's family is a high profile and important kitsune fam with lots of connections and fae-touched workers Kitsune can do minor wish/curse magic. they can appear as normal foxes as well. Maya's family is known for their talent in acting and slyness

FAE

Futaba, Ichie, Michiru are fae Fae are elfish beings with a ranging affinity for magic. Tend to work in contracts OR minor miracles. Futaba is part of a family who became fae-touched as they worked for Kaoruko's. Her magical ability is low but she excels in noticing spells

Ichie is mostly just a trickster. She does pranks or enchants songs to make people feel happier. Usually they work out, sometimes she gets a mess, her magic can be a little wild.

Michiru works with contracts and persuasion. She made a deal with Akira to form an acting troupe. Michiru also feeds off of emotion, which is why she wants an acting troupe in the first place. Theatres and compelling plays provide a bountiful feast for her. Andrew is Michiru's older brother who prefers the guise of a mole. He likes feeding off negative emotions. he sucks

DRAGON

Mei Fan is a dragon. she cool. she breathe fire. her scales can have some magical properties. she can fly. yeah. dragon.

???

Yuyuko: we just don't know. Except she sleepy and was active during the height of Rakugo/Noh/other traditional Japanese arts

and that is a VERY long thread for the basic information of the plot kjshfjkshf Seiran is technically also in this world. Suzu is a werewolf, Koharu a Kitsune, Hisame a vampire the giraffe and Elle are just the same as in starira. bc i mean they magic. thank you for reading!!!

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your-modern-shakespeare · 5 years

Text

A Little Too Real: Epilogue

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 4.5, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 7.5, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 10.5, Part 11, Part 11.5, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14

Summary: RealityTV!AU- You are a wardrobe supervisor for a popular TV network. The show is planning a reality TV show like the bachelor and Bucky is the newest contestant. But as the competition starts he realizes that he doesn’t like any of the girls…on the show anyway.

Pairing : Bucky x Reader

Word Count: 16,355

A/N: Well...THIS IS IT! This has been such an emotional rollercoaster not only for these characters but for me too. This story is about three years of my life and I’ve been putting off ending it because it’s been a really hard week, but it’s time to share a happy ending for these characters. I want to thank everyone who has read and loved this story and supported me along the way. I couldn’t have done this without you so Thank you! But without further ado, I love you guys and Enjoy! (P.S. A completed masterlist will soon be posted with links to every chapter and some fun info about the series.

Warnings: fluff, FLUFF, some sexy times and mentions of, maybe like a little angst but not really?, drinking, talk of drinking and being drunk, fluff?, I think that’s it, fluff

ONE YEAR LATER

Y/N’S POV

I tried my hardest to sleep on the flight and yet my nerves and the time difference didn’t make it easy.

This being my first full week off in over six months, you could definitely say that I was looking forward to it. Not to mention, I hadn’t seen Bucky in about 2 months...in person that is. This tour had been hard on me, harder than the last one. But I guess it was different when you knew you had someone at home waiting for you.

But things were good with me and him. The distance definitely put a strain on our relationship, but we knew that coming from spending every second together to hardly seeing each other was going to be hard. This realization hit pretty early on.

After the crew watch, Bucky and I had about two weeks together before I had to leave again. But like I had told him before, I had Monday off, so he took me to the hospital to FINALLY get my cast off and then to our redo first date...it was perfect and then we went on the date...I’m kidding of course. The date was everything I could have ever expected and more, he really pulled out all the stops. Not to mention he was there the next morning when I opened my eyes, which was the only thing I had been nervous about.

He was also there for the opening night of the show, that next Tuesday, which he absolutely loved. We got to walk the “red carpet” beforehand, he got to watch the show, and then we got to go to the after party together. But the best part of the night was that we got to tell everyone that we were together, that we were a couple and that we loved each other.

Yet, the real world came knocking the following Monday morning, and we couldn’t keep pushing off our inevitable flights. I was headed to Boston first and he was going back to LA.

So over the next couple of months we Skyped at least once a week, talked almost every night, and texted probably way too much. But we had decided early on that even if it was just a fast call, that it was important to hear each other’s voices, that even if the text was good morning or goodnight, at least it was an easy way to feel connected to each other. The Skype date, though, was the most important out of all, this was not rescheduled or missed and was usually on Mondays because I was always and he had gotten them off too, so that there was no way we missed our date. It was nice that way.

There was one Monday where Tony called him in to work, but the whole time he worked we were on our date. It was pretty fun that way because we liked to mess with Tony and make him feel bad that he had messed up our Skype date. But I had to admit it was nice to see Tony and I actually got to see a little bit of what Bucky was working on with this latest update of the arm.

A lot of times we ended up talking about things that I didn’t understand but the way he spoke about his work just made me smile, because I could see how happy it made him. And ever since Tony had hired him on full time, now that he was done with the show, he seemed to be a lot happier. It really gave him the time to start exploring updates for the arm and he even began reaching out to other people about different limbs. Which I knew he had been excited about because he had been pushing to do projects like this even before we started dating.

But this also meant that he spent a lot of time traveling like me. Where I was going to a new city every week or two, he spent a lot of time going back and forth between New York and LA, so did Tony. Fortunately this made me feel less guilty about having a place in New York when I wasn’t living there. I let friends stay there when they were in town or on vacation and whenever Bucky and Tony were there they were more than happy for an apartment over a hotel room.

And then my first break came and God if I wasn’t excited for it. Bucky was in LA at the time so I stayed at his apartment and we had a million wedding type activities to do with Peggy and Steve, seeing as this was the first time that I had been able to get more than one day off. Peggy, Steve, Wanda (who got engaged to Vision on their one year anniversary), Vision, Bucky and I had all had multiple Skype calls to discuss wedding details, before the break, but once my one week hit there seemed to be an explosion of wedding stuff to do.

We had another engagement party, just a small event for the close friends that Peggy’s parents hadn’t thought to invite and other family members, like Bucky’s mom, who hadn’t been able to make the first party. We had a bridal shower where Steve and Peggy got a butt load of new stuff, mostly things for the kitchen and money from her family in the UK. We went to three different bridal salons both for Peggy’s dress and for the bridesmaid dresses. Then the following day I went to Steve’s morning suit fitting as well as Bucky and Michael’s, no matter how awkward that was, don’t even get me started. And even on top of all the wedding things, I still had a couple of days to spend completely alone with Bucky.

Then it was back on the road for me.

But it wasn’t nearly as bad this time around. Bucky and I had gotten used to our routine so that wasn’t hard to pick up again and being in Austin my first week back after the break, at the venue where this all started, felt almost like home in a sense. I got to talk to the people who I worked with before, I got to talk to some of my old theatre teachers, and I got to have a stress free week. It was just so nice to not have to worry about dressers that I didn’t know, in a theatre I had never been in, and a city that I knew nothing about. It was a great first week back because of it. It was the other five-ish months that were difficult.

I grew to miss Bucky a little more everyday. We still had our calls and texts but it was harder after having spent a whole week seeing him, to suddenly see him so little. Not to mention, on top of working seven to nine shows a week, it depended on the city, I was helping Peggy plan her wedding. That meant that I was usually on a Skype call with Peggy, her mom, the wedding planner, and Wanda, picking out flowers, invitations, cake design, caterers, a band/or DJ, and pretty much everything else that was aesthetics and essential for a wedding. Of course, we also talked about the guest list, which was very long, when to put in fittings for the dresses, per my expertise, who to book for hair and makeup, which airline to use for flights, and anything else that I probably would have never thought of. It was all a little overwhelming.

So as the next couple of months passed this became the new routine. Talking to Bucky, talking to Peggy and her wedding planning committee, and then working a lot of shows, while I bounced around from city to city. You could say that as the less and less sleep I got the more I started to regret taking this job.

Don’t get me wrong, I loved this show. I loved the people I worked with and the musical itself was something that I surprisingly never got tired of...but like I said, it was hard to be away from the people I loved.

So when I hit my next week long break it was off to the UK for me. Two months since seeing Bucky, six months since seeing Peggy, Steve, Wanda and Vision (who so easily joined our friend group and became just as essential), and my first time ever being in the UK, it was a little crazy. And I was exhausted.

I wanted to try and sleep a little more than I did on the flight but, I don’t know, being in the air made it hard. I was also overthinking EVERYTHING.

Where would I have to go to get my luggage, would I take a taxi to Peggy’s parent’s home or would I just go straight to the venue, would she be there to pick me up or would someone else be there, and when would I see Bucky?

So with all of that to think of, sleep didn’t come so easy.

But when I heard that we were starting our descent into Heathrow, I perked up a bit. I was beyond excited to get off this plane and I knew that at the very least I wasn’t but an hour from seeing Bucky again.

So we landed and everyone on the plane grabbed their things. I had one small carry on which had my bridesmaid dress in it, I did the alterations myself seeing as it was too difficult to get a fitting in while I was stopped in one of the cities, and an outfit or two, just in case my luggage was lost. That was another thing I thought about too.

But for now I focused on getting off the plane and into the airport.

I waited in line to get off and made my way inside the airport and through the gate. Already I could feel a little bit of the stress that I had been thinking about on the flight. But like I did with every other airport I had been to, I followed the signs to baggage claim and I waited for my other bag to come out. As I stood there and watched all the other passengers get their bag I started to feel a little worried that mine wasn’t going to come out. But before I had the chance to investigate further, I felt a tap on my shoulder.

I turned around and as soon as my eyes registered what they were seeing, I felt two very different things. One was relief because out of my peripheral vision I could see my luggage, and the second was complete excitement because standing before me was Bucky.

I dropped my bag, immediately jumped into his arms, and kissed him senseless. I didn’t care about the people around us or the fact that Steve and Peggy both were standing behind us, I just focused everything on Bucky and the fact that I hadn’t seen him in what felt like forever, hadn’t actually felt him in just as long. When he pulled away, I just wrapped him in my arms, not quite ready to let go of him.

“I missed you so much.” I whispered in his ear.

“I missed you too.” He said back to me, not letting me go, but setting me back on the ground.

“I love you.”

“I love you.” I kissed him one more time before actually letting him go. I picked up my bag from the floor and handed it to Bucky before going over to Steve and Peggy, giving them hugs too.

“Our hello wasn’t nearly as good as Bucky’s.” Peggy said to me sarcastically mid hug.

“I guess I should have said hello to you first then?” I asked, moving to Steve for a hug.

“Nah, I guess boyfriends can be greeted first.” I laughed at the two of them and then we headed out of the airport.

In the car, Steve and Peggy were in front and Bucky and I were in back, and as much as I wanted to talk to Bucky and catch up with him, it was hard to when I was so curious about the city and all of the things to see. Luckily he caught on and started to give me fun facts about the city and all of the things that he recognized from when he lived here.

And then about an hour later we pulled into a driveway which led to a beautiful, very old and traditional home. Out front stood Peggy’s parents along with one other person who I hadn’t met. Being the gentleman that he was, Bucky opened my door for me and assisted me out of the car before grabbing my luggage. As he did that, I went over and greeted Peggy’s parents and they introduced me to Mrs. Langdon, the housekeeper. And by housekeeper I mean the head honcho of the place, at least on the female side, and by that I mean they had a full staff for this house, which astounded me. Honestly when I thought the Carters had money, I didn’t think it would be so much that they were practically Downton Abbey, but they pretty much were.

Anyway, Mrs. Langdon gave me a tour of the “estate” as she called it and eventually brought me to my shared room with Bucky, where he was already waiting for me.

I spent a little time getting settled in, unpacked some of my stuff, took my bridesmaid dress out of my bag, and sooner than expected I had passed out next to Bucky on the bed. We may have done something else before passing out but no one else needed to know about that.

But back to the wedding...Over the next couple of days we did a lot of different things. We had hair and makeup appointments with our team so that we could finalize our wedding looks; the boys went and got proper haircuts. Steve and Peggy finalized the head count which pretty much finished everything with the caterers and vendors. We finished making the playlists for the DJ and we went over the music for the band one more time. I went ahead and steamed or pressed everyone’s dresses, suits, trousers, and shirts, at the least I knew that Peggy’s dress would need the time to completely dry, so it was good I did it ahead of time. And then we got to the last two days before the “big day.”

So, with the aroma of a hangover lingering in the thoughts of my future, I woke up to the day of Peggy’s bachelorette party. We had decided to give us a day between the bachelorette party and the wedding because I knew that Peggy would want to go kind of crazy and we didn’t really want to feel un-functionally terrible the day of her wedding. So with that in mind, Wanda and I had to do a lot of research on amazing places to go and things to do...in a country that we had never been to before. Easy, right?

But anyway, we decided to start the day off slow and gradually build up to the crazy-drunk night that Peggy had imagined her bachelorette party being. So we let her sleep in a bit, went out for Brunch at her favorite cafe, got mani/pedis, and then went shopping for a look to go out on the town in.

We were searching through the racks of a dress store in the city and Peggy peeked through the dresses to where I was looking on the other side of her rack.

“So when are you and Bucky getting hitched?”

“Haven’t I answered this question enough for you?” I responded, pulling a dress out and laying it over my arm.

“I’m going to keep asking until it happens. You know that right?” Wanda just laughed at us.

“And I will always give you the same answer. When he asks you’ll probably be amongst the first to know. Not that it’ll happen anytime soon but…”

“What makes you think it won’t? You two have been together longer than Wanda and Vision have and they’re already engaged.”

“First, that’s not true. We were friends when those two started dating. And second—”

“Friends.” They both said and put in air quotes. I ignored it.

“Second...I’m still on tour for another six months. It would be impractical to try and plan a wedding in the middle of tour madness. We hardly get to see each other as it is, but could you imagine me showing up to bridal shower or an engagement party after not having seen him in months.”

“Are you trying to say that your reunion would be too inappropriate? Just get a room beforehand and it’ll be fine.” Wanda finally chimed in.

“I’ll even fix you hair for you before the party.” Peggy said.

“You guys are so embarrassing. I’m just saying that I’m not sure it’s going to happen anytime soon. I would be excited if it did happen, we talk about getting married and we try and make plans, but it just isn’t in the immediate future. Right now I have the tour and he has his newest project with Tony, not to mention the actual reason we are here in a dress store right now. We should be really focused on your wedding.”

“I’m just talking shop. I’m pretty sure that’s what we’re supposed to do at these bachelorette parties.”

“You may have a small point, but let’s talk about wedding things. What about you Wanda, what’s happening with your planning?”

Directing the attention away from me was exactly what we needed to get this dress shopping back on track. The wedding planning sped things up believe it or not, not only did the three of us find a look for tonight, Wanda a beautiful red velvet dress, Peggy a gorgeous white jumpsuit , and for me a stunning pants/tank combo, but now Peggy wanted to stop by a bridal salon and have Wanda try on some wedding dresses. I mean, when would she ever have another chance to try on gowns that hadn’t been made in America?

So, of course, we had to Skype with her twin brother, Pietro, he was technically the only family she had left and he had practically threatened us about getting to help pick out the dress. She ended up falling in love with one but decided that she would have to come back later to figure out the logistics of ordering it and getting it back to LA. And as any best friend would, I offered to do the alterations as soon as the tour was over, to help offset the costs, which she was relieved to hear.

After we were done at the bridal salon, we quickly stepped in to a shoe store, Peggy telling us that we obviously needed new shoes to go with our new dresses; it was crazy how much I had bought for this wedding, it was a never ending shopping spree. We had even purchased a bride-to-be sash for Peggy to wear out, which she absolutely loved. But anyway, with shoes and dresses in hand, we went back to the hotel room we got for the night and started to get ready for the crazy part of the night. And with hair done up, makeup sponged on, dresses in place, and shoes strapped up we made our way to dinner.

Peggy chose this nice restaurant that apparently Steve had actually shown her while he was living in London and helping take care of Bucky after his accident. And knowing how well Steve treats Peggy, the place definitely lived up to his standards. Everything was delicious and even though the place was nicer than most restaurants it was actually really nice to experience a piece of their relationship that was so simple and down to earth. But with dinner soon done and plenty left to do tonight, we left the restaurant.

The funniest thing about Peggy’s idea for a bachelorette party, was definitely the research materials she used to give us ideas. Mostly from movies, her ideal party was definitely out of line for the Peggy we had come to know and love. Of course, Wanda and I had to veto a lot because we had concluded pretty early on that some of things listed were things that the three of us would never be comfortable with; for instance, like going to a strip club. But one that we stuck with, because at the very least it was the most harmless out of the ideas, was going out to a nightclub. We weren’t entirely sure if she would like this place, but we had a back up if she didn’t.

Peggy, much like Steve and Bucky, was an old soul. And despite the pop/modern music they played at the parties they hosted, it wasn’t ever too loud that you couldn’t hear what the other people were saying. Which was exactly the case when we stepped foot into this club.

There was a DJ at the front of the room playing some song that we had never heard of and the dance floor was packed with people jumping around, poorly dancing and even some obscene couples. But ignoring that, Peggy pulled us over to the bar and ordered each of us a drink to kick off the idealized night.

We sat at the bar for maybe a few minutes before a group of guys, seeing Peggy’s sash, dragged us over to their table. They were all very nice to us, they asked us about our boyfriends and we asked about theirs, which struck up some great conversations. We even, bravely, got up and danced for a bit and the guys bought us drinks...way too many drinks. After awhile I cut myself off because I was already feeling pretty out of it and it wasn’t even eleven. That and I was also getting sleepy and alcohol would only make that worse. So when we were done dancing and back at our table I hung out with Peggy and Wanda and the guys, but I think they were catching on to just how tired I was starting to become.

Peggy came and plopped down next to me, very ungracefully climbing over anyone who was in her way, Wanda following very stably.

“You’re not having fun.” She slurred.

“What? Of course I am!”

“You’ve been staring at the wall for like five minutes.” Wanda said.

“It’s not because I’m not having fun.”

“What else could it be?” Peggy got closer to me.

“Well...the time difference has really messed with me and I get sleepy when I’m tipsy, you can ask Bucky. And for some reason I really want some tacos. Do they serve tacos here? Like good street tacos, not like Jack-in-the-box tacos, but like good authentic street tacos?”

“I’m not sure if they serve those here.” Wanda decided, not really seeing any food around here.

“But you’re lucky I picked some up along the way.” I heard from behind me and turned to see Bucky standing there with a bag of food in hand. “You’re also lucky that I know you so well.” He handed me the bag of food and I pulled him down closer to me so I could kiss him.

“What are you doing here?” He walked around and sat down beside me, both Wanda and Peggy going to talk to Vision and Steve.

“Peggy is...very drunk and she’s been texting Steve all night, he was worried about her.”

“Well it’s sweet of you guys to come and hang out with us, didn’t mean to spoil your night.”

“Seeing our girls could never spoil the night, not that I’m saying we weren’t having fun. We had the whole day away from each other, so why not spend the night together?”

“I like that.”

So for the next couple of hours we danced and we talked with the guys who were all very jealous of just how stunning our boyfriends were. Bucky and I didn’t do any more drinking and as the night went on I got out of my little funk and had a great night.

Peggy and Steve, though, were the first to bow out. She was definitely drunk and Steve was ready to take her back to the hotel. But as soon as the bride and groom were gone it was a gradual departure for the rest of our group. Vision, Wanda, Bucky and I all went back to the hotel but had to get separate rooms since we had only gotten one for the night; a King size bed would have fit three girls, not six people. We didn’t really get into our room until three in the morning but after that I’m pretty sure it was the fastest I had ever fallen asleep.

The following morning...I wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought I was going to be. But Bucky and I had had a plan to keep the both of us from getting too sick. The trick: vodka and you know what’s interesting about vodka...it’s clear...like water. And with Peggy so out of it, she never caught on to the fact that Bucky and I weren’t wasted.

I just didn’t want any of this weekend to be tainted by being sick, or blacking out, or even a hangover. And honestly I kind of figured that Peggy would feel the same but then again the pressure she was under from her family and the wedding planner alone and add on top of it all living at home during all of this, would probably make me drink that much too… if I had any of that I mean.

But anyway, because the only thing we had to do today was greet the guests who were staying at the castle and have dinner with Peggy’s family, Bucky and I got to spend the day together; apparently they don’t do rehearsals for weddings in the UK or like a big family rehearsal dinner. It was really important to me to have a day like this because I needed to spend as much time with him as I could before I had to go back on the road.

So we started the morning off with Breakfast and then Bucky showed me around London like a proper tourist. We saw everything that anyone would see if they took a week long vacation in London.

We stopped at every London landmark, taking countless pictures, and just enjoying our time alone together. He really treated me like a princess, making sure that I had an absolutely amazing day. And it was...a perfect day with the perfect man; I couldn’t have asked for anything more. So with a good mood set for the day we headed over to the venue.

Out of every single detail selected for the wedding, the venue was by far the most insane and the most extravagant. And by extravagant I mean that they were getting married in a castle... A CASTLE! Talk about a literal dream come true. From what I was told, the place had been completely rented out for the entire weekend, so if that wasn’t a huge reminder of just how rich the Carter’s were, then I don’t know what else would have been.

But with the castle being about 2 hours from where we were, and us being about 2 and half hours from when Peggy wanted us to meet downstairs so that we could start greeting people, I decided to do my makeup in the car and then Bucky and I would just change once we got into our room. The only problem with my plan had been Bucky thinking he was funny when he swerved the car on purpose, obviously trying to mess me up; he thought he was so cute. He’s just lucky that the end of my eyeliner was far enough away from me that it didn’t do nearly as much damage as it could have; I had a little mark on my cheek that I had to fix. He got a pretty good laugh anyway, but I had the rest of the drive to think of a proper payback.

About thirty minutes after Bucky’s prank, we pulled up in front of this gorgeous castle, absolutely picturesque, and ogled just a moment before a few people, who I could only assume worked there, came and grabbed our things from the car, parked the car for us, showed us to our room and then left us alone.

With little time left until we had to meet up with Steve, Peggy, Wanda, and Michael, Bucky went into the bathroom first and I took my dress and Bucky’s suit out of their garment bags, giving them a quick glance over for any wrinkles. When I couldn’t find anything too major, I went ahead and tried to do something with my hair, not really having the time to do too much to it.

Yet, Bucky had had plenty of time to shower and dry his hair, so when he came out of the bathroom, he was looking as handsome as ever and I thought that maybe now was a good time to get back at him.

So I was sitting on the bed looking at him and he walked over to his bag, going to grab clean clothes to change into. He easily caught on to me.

“See something you like?” He said, smiling at me.

“I don’t know, I guess it would depend on what you would do if I said yes.”

“Y/N...you are playing with fire…”

“What are you going to do about it?” He made his way across the room, dropping the clothes that were in his hands, and grabbing me in his arms before kissing me hard.

It’s been a little over a year since our first kiss and yet he still had that way of kissing me that just made me melt in his arms, physically and emotionally swoon. Yes, I was trying to get payback for earlier but where I had planned to tease him all night and make him regret messing with me, this plan was now seriously backfiring against my will to say no to him.

And as it usually did, the kiss developed a lot further than just a kiss. He was already naked from the shower and he was making quick work of the clothes I had been wearing. He just made me feel as if I was the only person in the world that mattered, like time completely disappeared when he kissed me, like we had no where else to be. Which actually did remind me that we had somewhere to be.

His lips moved down to my neck giving me, most likely, the only chance to interrupt this and get downstairs on time.

“Bucky…” I tried to stop him.

“God, you’re so beautiful.” His lips on my skin felt like Heaven, a heaven I really didn’t want to ignore, but...

“Oh God, Bucky we can’t do this.” He pulled away from me and looked at me, his lips only an inch away from mine.

“Do you want me to stop?” I had wanted to get payback for what he did earlier...but I also missed him so much over the past two months that I never wanted him to stop.

“No.” I closed the inch between us and pulled him closer to me. He took full advantage of this and kissed me as if he was seeing me for the first time all week; kissing him like this made the whole world fall away.

That is until we heard the knock at the door.

“I don’t want to particularly know, but I think I can guess what you two are doing in there, and guests are going to get here any second, so..." We heard Steve say outside our door.

Bucky fell beside me on the bed, letting me sit up and take a second to re-adjust the little that I still had on. I got off the bed first and went over to where our clothes were hanging. Bucky groaned before he too got off the bed, grabbing his boxers from the floor and putting them on, and then came over to get dressed. I took the dress off my hanger and slipped it over my head, then turned to Bucky so that he could zip it up. As he buttoned up his shirt and put on his pants, I tied his tie for him and as I fixed my lipstick, he put on his tie and jacket. Last, we both sat on the bed and put on our shoes, Bucky, obviously, taking a little longer than me. When we were ready to leave the room, he grabbed my hand and leaned down to give me one last kiss.

“I love you.” He said.

“I love you.”

We made our way to the door and opened it to see Steve standing there waiting for us. Bucky let me out first, like the gentleman he was, and yet he glared at Steve the whole time.

“Perfect timing as ever Steve.”

“You knew what time you needed to be downstairs.”

He walked off in front of us and we followed after him, letting him lead us through the castle, back downstairs. As we walked though, Bucky let go of my hand and walked behind me, trying his best to apparently smooth out my hair that he had messed up, something that I had missed earlier when we were getting ready.

Not being too far away from where everyone else was, we joined the group quickly, beating the first guest. Bucky grabbed my hand again, standing in line next to Wanda, Peggy and Steve, Michael was on the far side, as far away as he could be from me.

(Side note: at the bridal shower we had thrown for Peggy and Steve, Michael volunteered to come over from London to bring the Carter family gifts. Somehow he thought it was a good idea to kiss me, “because he was still in love with me,” which resulted in Bucky punching him. Bucky was just being civil now for Peggy’s sake, but he really hated Michael...so we both just kept our distance from him...as much as possible.)

Anyway, the first guest to arrive was actually Peggy’s grandmother and grandfather and a few other members after that, but seeing all of Peggy’s family actually made me kind of sad. Not because Peggy’s family was here, they were great and loved seeing Peggy and Steve right as they arrived, but because Steve didn’t have anyone. Everything that I had been told about Steve’s family was simple, his mother and father had both passed, they were both only children, and Steve was an only child. I didn’t know anything about his grandparents but apparently, neither did he. He seemed okay though about having only Peggy’s family at the wedding, he would always do anything for her. It just made me sad not to see anyone there for him.

And yet, a few minutes later, unexpectedly, Winnie walked in. She went to Steve first and I just watched how incredibly happy he was. Bucky and Steve had grown up together, they had practically been brothers and when Steve’s dad died, it was Bucky’s mom who helped his mom out and the same when Bucky’s dad died. And when Steve’s mom got sick and died, it was Winnie, Bucky, and Peggy who had helped him through. So I could see how much it meant to him that she came for the wedding.

After she said hi to Steve and Peggy, she came over to Bucky and I.

“Hi mom.” He said, giving her a big hug.

“My baby! You look so handsome.”

“You can thank Y/N for this one, she knows how to make me look my best.”

“Y/N.” She came over to me and gave me an even bigger hug, didn’t think that was possible.

“Hi Winnie. I had no idea you were coming, but I’m so glad you’re here.”

“I know. Peggy called me and asked if there was any way I could make it. She said that she knew that it was a long way for me to come but that it would mean a lot to Steve, so of course I had to come.”

“If we had known you were coming, we would have come and picked you up.”

“Yeah mom, we absolutely would have picked you up.”

“You guys are so sweet, but I didn’t want to interrupt your week together by making you pick me up from the airport. I know you crazy kids haven’t seen each other in a while.”

“Well, either way I’m glad you’re here.”

“I’m glad I’m here too.”

His mom went off with some of the other guests and we finished greeting whoever came in. Later when we walked throughout the house we saw that tea had been served and that we were pretty much stuck in a modern picture of Downton Abbey. Bucky and I liked to just wander around the room, tea cups in hand, and listen in on how Peggy’s family talked to each other. It was really just like an episode of Downton Abbey, except it was 2019.

And then we went to dinner. This wasn’t anything official for the wedding, it was just dinner. But coming from America where it was normal to have a rehearsal dinner it kind of felt like that but there wasn’t really any official talk about the wedding.

The food was amazing though. There were a lot of different courses, appetizers I had never tried before, a main course that was cooked to perfection, and dessert that was so decadent that I almost didn’t want to eat it.

Later Bucky and I were sitting on a couch in the main room, while Peggy and Steve were off somewhere, probably talking to her family.

“Bucky?”

“Yes?”

“Thank you for today.”

“You don’t need to thank me for anything. Showing you around London was my pleasure.”

“I had a lot of fun.”

“I did too.” He leaned down and gave me a kiss, not too long but long enough for his mom to come over to us and interrupt.

“You two are just the cutest; perfectly made for each other.”

“Thanks mom. It’s honestly all Y/N, she brings out the best in me.”

“And he’s the perfect gentleman who treats me like a queen.”

“Well I’m glad everything that I taught him has stuck.”

Sitting next to us, she asked a lot of questions about my job, what I was up to, the places I had visited and of course when the tour was over. I think she was trying to convince the two of us to get married and yet she was so indirect about it, it was kind of ingenious the way she brought it up; like an ambush but so innocent and motherly.

But as it got later Peggy and Steve started showing people to their rooms which gave Wanda, Vision, Bucky and I the perfect time to head to bed ourselves. While Bucky and I were walking to our room I texted Peggy letting her know that we were heading to bed and that she could text me if she needed anything.

I had every intention of going to bed as soon as we got in the room, Bucky...not so much. As soon as the door was shut and locked behind me he was kissing me senseless, like we hadn’t been interrupted earlier.

“I’ve been thinking about you all night.” He said between kisses, slowly backing me up towards the bed. “You just looked so beautiful in this dress.”

“So what are you going to do about it?” He smiled and laughed at the statement I had said to him earlier.

He kissed me again, this time going for the zipper on the back of my dress, I started to undo his tie and the buttons of his shirt, both of us getting completely undressed without breaking our kiss. This time when we kissed though, it wasn’t nearly as rough as it had started. There wasn’t a pressure there had been this afternoon, there wasn’t a possibility of being interrupted, nothing but him and me just so wholeheartedly loving each other. It was perfect, being with him was perfect.

And yet, the morning of the wedding came much earlier than planned. And by that I mean that Peggy snuck into our room, both Bucky and I only covered by a sheet, and woke me up before the sun was even up. She kept whispering about how we needed to get started on everything and I could obviously tell how nervous she was, but I was also naked and not in any position to talk about this without fear of flashing my best friend.

So I asked her to give me five minutes and that I would meet her out in the hallway. I wanted more than anything to snuggle back up to Bucky and sleep until at least the sun was up, but I couldn’t leave Peggy out in the hallway when she was freaking out. So I gently woke up Bucky and let him know what was happening, gave him a kiss goodbye, got dressed, and quietly walked out of the room. Peggy was pacing and Wanda was leaning against the wall, obviously waiting for me.

“What’s wrong Peggy?” I asked, stopping in front of her, making her stand still and look at me.

“There’s just so much to do and I woke up this morning with countless emails from my clients and I want to answer them but its my wedding day and I shouldn’t be thinking like a lawyer. And then I was sitting in my bed all alone and I was just thinking about things like, what if the flowers don’t get here and what if the bakers drop the cake and what if—”

“Okay, you need to stop. You’re assuming the worst possibilities because you’re stressed.” We decided that maybe we shouldn't talk in the middle of a hallway full of bedrooms where everyone was sleeping, so we walked down to Peggy’s room.

“That’s the thing, I’m not stressed—”

“Peggy do you know what time it is?” Wanda asked. We sat down on her bed.

“I wasn’t able to sleep that well.”

“Listen to me...everything is going to be fine. Despite what your mother and wedding planner have told you, today is not about the wedding, it’s about you and Steve. When you look back at this day you’re not going to think about the flowers or the cake, you’re going to think about how happy Steve made you and how grateful you are to have found someone as amazing as him. And I don’t know if this is just stress or fear or what but I think the biggest thing you’re facing right now is not being close to Steve.” I would know.

“I’ve been away from Steve for more than one night.”

“I’m sure you have been, but take it from someone whose been in a long distance relationship for over a year, when you feel lost and scared and stressed you don’t want to be alone. You don’t want to be half way across the country or even just down the hall from him when you feel like you need him, even if it’s just for a hug or to tell him how much you miss him.”

“Yeah.”

“I think that maybe when it’s a better time of day, I’ll go and talk to Steve and see if maybe we could do a little blindfolded meet up, I think it’ll help with what you’re feeling.”

“Really? That’s not breaking the rules is it?”

“No, as long as you don’t see each other it should be fine.”

“I think that’ll really help.”

“Good. So what do we need to do?”

“I think we should try and go back to sleep for a bit, I’m sorry for waking you guys up so early.”

“Well we can stay in here with you and that way you won’t feel so alone.” Wanda suggested.

“I think that’s a good idea.” I agreed.

“A mini sleepover, yeah, I would love for you guys to stay.”

So we all cuddled together in her bed and went back to sleep for a couple more hours, and when we were woken up this time, we all seemed to be in a much better mood. That is until we realized that it was Peggy’s mother and the wedding planner, who were now just in the room to talk and keep us from falling back to sleep.

They kept talking about everything we needed to do today and I could see the stress start to creep back into Peggy. So I texted Bucky, I needed to get these two together even if it was just for a minute.

Y/N: Are you awake?

BUCKY: I am

Y/N: Are you with Steve?

BUCKY: Yep

Y/N: We need to try and sneak Peggy over to see him

BUCKY: Is she okay?

Y/N: She’s just needs to see him. Trust me

BUCKY: What can I do?

Y/N: I just need you to find something to blindfold him with and I’ll let you know when we can escape her mother.

BUCKY: Okay

So as we started to get ready for the day, I looked for any chance for us to sneak off. But first we had to deal with her mom, which meant we had to play along until there was an opening. So we all took our turns showering, letting Peggy go first, and meeting up with her and the hair and makeup teams, as soon as we were done, in a bigger room down the hall. It was nice to be pampered on, to not have to worry about how I was going to do my hair or makeup, there was someone for that. Surprisingly, the longer we sat there the less stressed I felt, but I could tell that Peggy wasn’t feeling the same.

So when her mom got word of some kind of problem with the flowers, I saw the perfect chance to escape. So I texted Bucky first and asked where he was, letting him know we were on our way. I grabbed the blindfold we had and the three of us snuck down to the boy’s room, putting the blindfold on Peggy before I knocked. When I knocked, I heard some movement and we had to wait a minute before Bucky opened the door for us. The three of us obviously looked like we were getting ready, you know, we had clips in our hair and parts of our makeup done, but the boys looked like they were just lounging around...I was kind of jealous.

But anyway, Wanda and I helped Peggy into the room and over to Steve who was standing blindfolded by the bed. When she grabbed onto his arms and felt that it was him, she wrapped her arms around him and his around her, we could all see the immediate relief they felt to be close to each other again. So wanting to give them a minute, Vision, Wanda, Bucky and I went to sit on the couch on the opposite side of the room, Michael just sat in the chair in the corner of the room and ignored us; Vision should have been a groomsman but Peggy was scared that she would never hear the end of it if Michael wasn’t one, so Vision was there to hang out with the guys and help keep the peace between Bucky and Michael.

I sat next to Bucky with my legs draped over his lap and he leaned down to give me a kiss.

“Missed you this morning.” He said.

“I missed you too. Peggy was freaking out and she needed some help, I couldn’t say no to her. I’m just glad we were able to sneak over here, who knew that flowers would cause an emergency? I thought we were never going to get her mother to leave.”

“Yeah and I’m sure when they get down there and check all the flowers, they’ll find that everything is perfectly fine.” That sounded fishy to me.

“What did you do?”

“Steve was freaking out too. You presented a good idea but I knew that there had to be some way to get Amanda to leave the room…”

“You...are sneaky.”

“I would do anything for Steve and they needed to see each other.”

“Sap.”

“You’ve made me this way, loving you made me this way.”

“Then I’ve got nothing to complain about.”

We only had 10 minutes together before we had to get back to the room. I could tell that Peggy was feeling much better and looked excited to get ready and get down to the “altar.” So the ladies picked up where they left off and her mom came back into the room, claiming that everything was perfectly fine; I tried not to laugh, but I smiled at the thought of what Bucky did to help out his friends.

But as time passed and as we got closer to the start of the ceremony, I could tell that Peggy was getting a little nervous again. There wasn’t much we could do at this point but encourage her and let her know that she would see Steve soon.

Somewhere between the freaking out, getting ready, and the mimosas, we actually got to the final fifteen minutes before we were supposed to make our way to the ceremony room. So Wanda and I went ahead and got into our matching dresses and then went to help Peggy into hers.

Peggy’s dress was...stunning and absolutely special. See, when Steve’s mom got married it had been a tradition in her family to incorporate the “something blue” into the gown. Steve’s mom had had a light blue petticoat underneath her dress when she married his dad and Peggy knew that the best way to honor his mom was to continue the tradition. She took that same petticoat and asked the alterations team from her bridal shop to incorporate it into her dress, which only made the dress that much more special.

So with dresses, heels, and bouquets in place the wedding planner came in and told us that everyone was ready for us and since the ceremony was inside the castle we didn’t have to go very far. I was so excited to finally see Peggy and Steve get married, but even I had to admit that as we got closer to the ceremony space the more nervous I got. I wasn’t nervous about them or their marriage, more about the fact that I was walking down the aisle by myself.

But I pushed those feelings aside and held up Peggy’s train as we made our way down the stairs, stopping right outside the ceremony room, where Peggy’s dad waited for us (He got a little teary when he saw her in her dress, it was really cute). Despite the fact that we maybe only had a minute until we walked down the aisle, I turned to the girls and wrapped them both in my arms.

They both just laughed at me but hugged me back just as hard.

“You know, the next time we’ll hug like this you’ll be Mrs. Rogers.” I whispered.

“I know.” Peggy let go first and dabbed at her eyes, wiping a tear away before it fell.

“Let’s do this.” Wanda said and we all smiled.

The wedding planner watched as the ceremony started and then put us in our order, getting us ready to go; Peggy and Steve wanted as much of an American wedding as they could get: the only things they got were Peggy walking down the aisle last, Steve facing Peggy as she walked and an additional wedding cake to go along with the fruitcake. From where I stood, I could see that Peggy’s mom was seated in the first row to the left, Bucky’s mom in the first row to the right, Steve was standing at the end of the altar and Bucky and Michael, all three guys in gorgeous morning suits, were just now walking to their seats. I was the next one to walk down, Wanda following after me and then Peggy and her dad after her.

So as soon as the guys were seated to the right, I took in a deep breath and put all my faith in myself to not trip down the aisle. I smiled, I looked right ahead, I walked with as much grace as I could muster and then I caught Bucky looking at me with a big smile on his face. And it was as if every worry I ever had simply disappeared. I looked at him as long as I could and then I sat down next to Peggy’s mom, Wanda being beside me soon after.

And then small quartet started to play Canon in D.

Everyone stood from their seat and turned to face Peggy as she finally stepped into view. She looked even more gorgeous walking beside her dad, with the huge grin on her face and her eyes locked on Steve. I looked over at him and he was trying hard not to cry but I could see how emotional he was at seeing her in her dress. He looked up at the ceiling before she got up to him trying his best to squeeze the tears back in.

When she got up to the altar her dad moved the veil from her face and kissed her cheek, giving his official blessing with the officiant and handing her off to Steve.

He reached out for Peggy’s hands and looked at her with a brilliant smile on his face. But then he saw her dress, up close, and there was nothing holding back the tears anymore. He had to have seen the blue and it had to make him think of his mom. Seeing the free flowing tears Peggy stepped forward and wrapped her arms around him, giving them a very sentimental moment before the ceremony.

“Are you okay?” She asked. Just slightly pulling away from him.

“Yeah, I’m okay.” He reached up to wipe his tears and she got his other cheek. “You look beautiful.”

“Thank you.” They both stepped just enough away from each other, taking each other’s hands again and looking to the officiant.

“Are you guys ready?” The officiant asked and they nodded.

And then the ceremony began.

“It is my great honor to welcome everyone today to the union of Steve Rogers and Peggy Carter. We are gathered to celebrate the life that these two share, to celebrate the love that they have for each other and the love that they continue to find in each other every single day. This place in which we are now met has been duly sanctioned, according to law, for the celebration of marriages. You are here to witness the joining in matrimony of Steven Grant Rogers and Margaret Elizabeth Carter. If any person present knows of any lawful impediment to this marriage, he or she should declare it now.” He stated and when no one replied with anything we directed his attention back to Steve and Peggy.

“Are you Steven Grant Rogers free, lawfully, to marry Margaret Elizabeth Carter?”

“I am.” He replied.

“Are you Margaret Elizabeth Carter free, lawfully, to marry Steven Grant Rogers?”

“I am.”

“Marriage, according to the law of this country is the union of two people, voluntarily entered into for life, to the exclusion of all others. Today Steven and Margaret wish to publicly affirm this commitment and offer each other the security that comes from legally binding vows, sincerely made and faithfully kept. But first I was asked by the couple to read a poem, one they believe as do I, that perfectly describes not only their relationship but their future together.” He shifted the papers in his hands.

“The Art of Marriage” by Wilferd Arlan Peterson: Happiness in marriage is not something that just happens. A good marriage must be created. In the art of marriage the little things are the big things… It is never being too old to hold hands. It is remembering to say “I love you” at least once a day. It is never going to sleep angry. It is at no time taking the other for granted; the courtship should not end with the honeymoon, it should continue through all the years. It is having a mutual sense of values and common objectives. It is standing together facing the world. It is forming a circle of love that gathers in the whole family. It is doing things for each other, not in the attitude of duty or sacrifice, but in the spirit of joy. It is speaking words of appreciation and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways. It is not looking for perfection in each other. It is cultivating flexibility, patience, understanding and a sense of humor. It is having the capacity to forgive and forget. It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow. It is finding room for the things of the spirit. It is a common search for the good and the beautiful. It is establishing a relationship in which the independence is equal, dependence is mutual and the obligation is reciprocal. It is not only marrying the right partner, it is being the right partner. It is discovering what marriage can be, at its best.”

“This ceremony does not create a relationship, it is a symbol of how far you've come since the moment you met. It is a symbol of the promises you have and will make to each other as you grow stronger as individuals and as partners. No matter the challenges you face, you now face them together and your lives are no longer just for yourselves. You depend on one another to love, support, care, and protect you. These values and promises are not to be taken lightly and will remain with you for the rest of your lives.”

“Do you, Steven, take Margaret to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish all the day of your lives?”

“I do.”

“Do you, Margaret, take Steven to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish all the day of your lives?”

“I do.”

“The rings?”

Bucky stood from his seat and walked over to the altar, handing Steve Peggy’s ring and Peggy Steve’s ring and then returned to his seat.

“Repeat after me.” He said to Steve.

“I, Steven, give you this ring as a symbol of my vow. With all that I am and all that I have, I promise to love and care for you as I accept your love now and for always.” He repeated and placed the ring on her finger. And then he moved to Peggy.

“I, Margaret, give you this ring as a symbol of my vow. With all that I am and all that I have, I promise to love and care for you as I accept your love now and for always.”

“Steven and Margaret you have both made the declarations prescribed by law and have made a solemn and binding contract in the presence of your witnesses here today. It therefore gives me great pleasure to declare that you are now legally married. Steve, you may kiss the bride.”

Steve stepped closer to Peggy and wrapped his arms around her before kissing her. The whole crowd erupted in applause and I seriously doubted there was a single dry eye in the place, at least I wore waterproof makeup.

When they broke from their kiss and the clapping stopped the officiant gave his final pronouncement.

“It is my honor to introduce, for the very first time, Mr. and Mrs. Rogers.”

Everyone clapped again and Steve and Peggy walked down the aisle together with Peggy’s arm laced through Steve’s. They both looked so happy that I couldn’t help but smile with them. As soon as they were out of the room, Bucky walked his mother down the aisle, followed by Peggy’s mom and dad, then Wanda and I, and last Michael.

We were told ahead of time to meet Peggy and Steve outside, where we would take some time and take photos before heading over to the reception, giving plenty of time for the rest of the party to arrive; apparently not everyone had been invited to the ceremony. So we let the photographer tell us how to pose and where to stand and who to stand by and whatever else.

Eventually we got to the point where she was done taking pictures with the family and then with the wedding party, so we all headed back to the party and gave Steve and Peggy a chance to take some individual photos and spend a little alone time together. Bucky, held my hand as Wanda, Bucky and I made our way back inside and as soon as we walked through the front doors Vision joined our group.

Walking into the reception...this space was absolutely gorgeous: tables covered in expensive linens, only the best china, elaborate centerpieces, hanging flowers, chandeliers, and candles everywhere. This is obviously where Steve and Peggy lost all decision making ability. This had Peggy’s mother written all over, not to mention the fact there had to be at least enough chairs and tables for 250 people; I wasn’t sure where the other 200 people were coming from but I wanted to go back to the small ceremony again.

Bucky and I still ventured in and found the table with our names, right next to Vision and Wanda, and sat in our chairs, waiting for Steve and Peggy to finish photos. This gave us a chance to relax from the sort of stressful morning and kind of check in with each other, especially since the four of us had kind of been separated all morning. So we talked and the guys had some funny stories about Steve getting ready and then Steve and Peggy made their entrance.

They looked just as happy before, if not more. They walked hand in hand to the middle of the dance floor and let the DJ present them to the new crowd, before joining us over at our table: Steve, Peggy, Peggy’s parents, Bucky's mom, Wanda, Vision, Michael, Bucky and I were at the front of the room looking out over the dance floor and to the guests.

It was almost simultaneously that the food began to be served. I wasn’t too sure what everything was on the plate but I recognized chicken which was delicious as was the other food I wasn’t sure about. Peggy and Steve did there best to eat properly, but I knew they were both probably starving seeing as it was a little after five and it was the first time they had eaten all day; it was tradition for the bride and groom to share their first meal of their wedding day as a married couple.

Having finished eating dinner and plates now being collected Peggy and Steve made their way over to the cake which was just as extravagant as the rest of the party. But where the big cake was all fruit cake and mostly just for the English guests who were used to eating fruitcake, Peggy and Steve had a second cake for the few Americans who were here and for the cake cutting, since it was smaller and easier to cut. If 250 people hadn’t been watching them I knew that Peggy would have tried to cover Steve’s face in cake but with her mother watching closely they both carefully placed a bite of cake in each other’s mouths, the guests applauding afterwards. Nice and proper.

After pictures had been taken of the cake cutting, servers came and started to cut and distribute the fruitcake, the few Americans at our table asking for the other. And as soon as everyone had had their piece, Steve stood from his chair and reached out his hand for Peggy to take, asking her for the first dance of the night. The band started to play Dream a Little Dream of Me, which I knew was their favorite song to dance to, and then he wrapped his arms around her and lead her into a very sweet and very simple dance.

When the song finished they helped Peggy back to her chair and then it was time for the speeches...unfortunately, Michael was up first. Being the bride’s brother, and seeing as the nature of toasting in London was actually supposed to be a roast, Michael should have had a lot of material. And he had some funny things to say, I’ll give him that. But it was when he started talking about me and about how his ex was best friends with his sister, was when it got real awkward for me and a little anger inducing for Bucky. When he finally wrapped up his speech there was an awkward clap, I’m not even sure about what happened, so I could only imagine the confusion of everyone else.

Waiting for Michael to not be in the same walkway as him, Bucky then made his way up to the mic; I know he was ready for his speech, he had rehearsed it with me multiple times over Skype.

“Hi, my name is Bucky and Steve is practically my brother. In every sense of the word he is, believe me. Brothers...they annoy you to no end, do the exact opposite of what you say just for the hell of it, and of course they give the best material for the best man’s roast, I mean speech. The first thing that you need to know about Steve is that this man that you have all fallen in love with is the exact opposite of the man that I grew up with. Yeah he’s handsome and he’s managed to snag Peggy who at the time, when they met, was way out of his league...may still be but I’ll leave that alone for now. But what none of you know is just how crazy this guy was. The biggest thing about Steve was that when we were in high school he was not nearly as handsome as he is now, sorry buddy, you’re married now so I’m allowed to say this.” Everyone laughed and he paused so they could. “Despite that he was the most loyal, most kind boy you would ever meet...which was not a hit with the ladies, I’m sure you could imagine why. And I thought for a long time on what embarrassing story to tell, it had to be something that you had never heard of but something that didn’t absolutely ruin him for you guys. So this story is actually a well kept secret, the thing that I was sworn to never repeat, a secret that has been kept since we were seniors in high school…”

“Bucky.” He stood and said, almost in a warning. Peggy pulled him back down into his chair, laughing at how defensive he was being.

“See, he’s scared so it’s perfect. But anyway, as most of the close family would know, Peggy and Steve started their relationship as friendship; they were just as close as I had been to Steve...except the tension between those two was definitely romantic where the tension between me and him was due to him stealing my comic books or something stupid like that. Anyway, as friends, the three of us were inseparable and then we got to prom season our senior year. The three of us had always gone to homecoming together, but this was the prom and you absolutely had to have a date. Peggy was the “it” girl and like I said earlier, way out of Steve’s league, and she was the date that every guy wanted. I always had the suspicion that she said no to those other guys because she was waiting for Steve, which she was, but he had it in his head that he couldn’t just ask her, he had to outshine everyone. So Peggy being asked out by the quarterback was kind of the last straw for him, the next day he came up with the ultimate ask-Peggy-to-prom plan. And this plan...It started out with flowers, the most beautiful bouquet you could imagine...and it ended with a broken arm.” There were some confused faces and a small laugh.

“I’m dead serious guys, a broken arm. So the day that Steve had planned to ask Peggy to prom was actually the best and worst day of my 18 year old life. The best because I had only waited a little over three years for him to get the courage to do it. The worst because of how it went. But our first stage was buying everything for what he wanted to do: flowers, candles, flower petals, her favorite candy, something he saw that he thought she’d like, a lot of presents, and then we went and had film developed of every single picture they had ever taken together. Once we got everything, we waited until she was out of her house, drove over and started to set up this surprise. Now obviously we couldn’t go inside, so naturally we scaled the fence and set it up in her backyard. We made a heart of rose petals, spelled out “Prom?” in candles, and had all of her gifts set out on the table. Steve was dressed in the nicest thing he owned and holding the flowers, standing behind his sign. And we must have waited for hours, and I mean literal hours, not just figuratively. The candles kept blowing out, the wind was blowing the petals all over her yard and then what I thought was the unthinkable happened, and yet it was still highly probable with Steve in the picture; he was a big klutz. But this is the fun part.”

“So he goes to light a few of the candles again, but like I said earlier, he’s a klutz, and he trips and falls on top of the ones that are still lit. Now most of them didn’t catch but there was one that did. So in a moment of pure panic he runs over to this pond that they have in their backyard, and as he is running over to stop from anymore of his shirt catching on fire, he trips again, halfway falling into this pond and breaking his arm in the process.”

There was quite a bit of laughter and everyone watched as Peggy sat across his lap, trying to keep him in his seat.

“So anyway...that happened. But back to the story. So his arm is broken, I’m trying not to laugh and yet I’m trying to help him off the ground without hurting him, and there’s now no way he can ask Peggy to prom this way; I mean I guess he could, but I wasn’t going to let him. Now this is the part that Steve doesn’t know. I’m pretty sure that what he thinks happened is that she saw the set up and came to find him. Right?” He asked Steve and he nodded. “Well I have to tell you that that is not what actually happened. I told you to go to my car and I told you that I was going to finish setting up the promposal...but that’s not what I did. And it may have been selfish but I just didn’t think that either of you deserved that. Steve, you went out of your way to prepare this romantic promposal and Peggy had waited almost four years for this moment, so Steve deserved to actually be there and Peggy deserved to be asked in person. So I, very quickly, cleaned up everything. I threw away the rose petals, the candles, and I took all the presents and flowers and put them on the front porch, minus the photos, I took those with me. But I obviously couldn’t just leave all of this with no explanation of why it was there or who left it. So I grabbed this receipt and a crayon from my pocket, don’t ask me why I had a crayon, I couldn’t even tell you, and wrote out: Come and find me? Brooklyn Hospital. Steve. I wasn’t sure what that would do, but I had to hope that these two would get some common sense and just go for it. Peggy did end up meeting us at the hospital though and Steve told her…”

Bucky stepped off the makeshift stage and came back over to our table, leaning over close to us, Steve glaring at him the whole time.

“Now Peggy...what was the excuse that he gave you?” He held out the microphone for her to answer.

“He told me that he broke his arm playing baseball with you.”

“He would say something like that wouldn’t he...if I’m being honest I couldn’t remember the excuse, so thanks for that.” He then walked back up to the stage, laughing, as was everyone else. “Anyway...I’m going to wrap up I promise. So after the excuse of the century, Steve finally asked Peggy to prom and of course she said yes and I guess the rest is history. They sat in his hospital stall as he was getting his cast put on and they looked through the photos and when they came back from the prom it was nothing but love with those two. I have to say, the moral of this story wasn’t to out this secret, it’s wasn’t too embarrass him or roast him, even though it was kind of fun to do that, it was to prove the lengths that he would go to to make Peggy happy. Him meeting her was fate and it took them three years to finally get past friendship, but I know that they’re stronger for it and will forever be perfect for each other. He’s my brother and I could never imagine him being with anyone else. So thank you for letting me come up here and talk your ear off. Steve and Peggy...I love you guys, you know that, and I totally take credit for getting you two together. Thanks everyone!”

Everyone applauded as he came around and gave Steve and Peggy each a hug before coming to sit back beside me.

“You did great.” I said to him.

“Thank you, my favorite pastime is embarrassing Steve, except this time he asked me to do it.” I laughed and leaned forward to give him a kiss.

Next up in the wedding agenda, we had the father daughter dance with Peggy and her dad, and the mother son dance with Steve and Winnie, obviously making the whole room come back to a little more of a serious note, but giving the perfect opportunity to invite people on the dance floor and to really get the party started.

There were happy, upbeat, and modern songs and there were jazzy, vintage, and slower songs, just a perfect mix given the variety of ages amongst the guests. Bucky and I danced a few times between getting drinks and eating cheeses and other assorted finger foods, I even danced with Steve, Vision, Wanda, and Peggy all individually and we did a few group dances for fun. And then we got to another slow dance and of course I let Bucky pull me away from everyone else and put the attention back on us for a second.

“Hi.” I said.

“Hey beautiful.”

“You know, I haven’t had the chance to tell you how handsome you look today.”

“Well I haven’t been able to tell you how beautiful you are.”

“That’s a lie, you told me earlier, right before the pictures.”

“Can you really blame me though, I have the most beautiful girlfriend in the world.”

“Bucky…”

“What? I do.”

“Well thank you. I was trying to compliment you, but thank you.”

“Your very welcome...but you may continue complimenting me.” He was just cracking me up today. I hadn’t seen him just effortlessly happy in a long time, I missed seeing him like this.

“I just loved seeing you as I walked down the aisle...you looked so handsome and you were smiling and I felt so much love for you.”

“You have to know that I felt the same way.”

“I do. And not only do you look so handsome but I am loving the finished product of your morning suit.”

“Well, I only look this good because of you. You’re the one who made sure we all looked good, even you know who.”

“Do you want to know what my favorite part about this morning suit is?”

“I have two guesses.”

“Okay.” I smiled

“Number one: you like it...because you can’t wait to take it off of me later.” I laughed at him.

“Wasn’t exactly what I was thinking but I don’t mind where you’re going.” This time he laughed at me.

“Well it’s a good thing that that wasn’t the real answer then. Number two...you like it because my pants are high waisted and you can’t see my white shirt when I lift my hands above my head.”

I took in a deep breath, my jaw hitting the floor. “Oh my god...you know me so well.” I pulled him down and kissed him; I could feel him smile.

“Well if you had doubts before…” I laughed at him.

“Yeah, no doubts now.” I teased.

“Good.”

After we were done with our dance, Bucky grabbed my hand and walked out of the house and down to the dock overlooking the lake, claiming to want a second alone with me in a space not so loud. The scene was absolutely beautiful with the setting sun and the calming waters, it was the perfect escape from the crazy party happening inside.

We walked down to the very end and leaned against the railing, taking a moment to breath in the air and enjoy the peace and quiet.

He turned and looked at me and I leaned back against the corner of the railing, letting it support me a little more and take some of the pressure off my aching feet.

“Can I admit something?” He asked.

“Of course.”

“I missed you this week.” Curious...

“We’ve actually spent a lot of time together—”

“I know, but it’s not the same when everything we’re doing is for someone else, you know? Yeah we saw each other, and we got to be in the same room as each other but we didn’t get to really spend as much quality alone time together. It’s why I wanted to bring you out here...for just a moment.”

“Well you couldn’t have picked a better moment. It’s beautiful out here.”

“Yeah it is.” Except he was still looking right at me. Sap. I just shook my head at him. “Seeing how happy Steve and Peggy are, it made me think about us and about how much I love you. And honestly I don’t think I’ve told you that nearly enough.”

“Bucky...I know that you love me. Just because you don’t say it to me doesn’t mean that I don’t know it. And I know that I’ve made things complicated this past year—”

“You haven’t made anything complicated.”

“I’m the one who took this job.”

“That’s your dream.”

“You’re my dream.”

“And you’re mine.”

We both turned back out and looked at the water, watching the sun change it different colors.

“You know...the first thing you ever said to me was in Russian.”

“Really...I guess it was, wasn’t it?”

“I’ve been thinking about that a lot. I remember being so nervous that day and then I walked into that room and saw that huge panel of people sitting there, watching me. The nerves had been bad before but they were worse after that, and I’m not sure if you could tell but I was about ready to walk out of there. Then they asked me about myself and I just tried my hardest not to lose it, and then you spoke. ‘Ты говоришь по-русски?’ I looked over at you and my heart leapt in my chest (You speak Russian?). You hadn’t said more than three words to me and I was completely amazed by you. You were the reason I accepted the job. You were the reason I went and said hello to everyone on set that first day, I didn’t want you to catch on that I had only come to see you. You were the reason that I did everything I did and you are still the reason I do everything I do. But the craziest part is that I'm still falling in love with you after all this time and after everything we’ve been through. There are things that I fall in love with everyday and it’s amazing. You’re just...amazing. And there’s no one else I would rather be amazed with for the rest of my life than you. Because I love you and you’re my everything. So no matter if you’re ten feet from me or 10,000 feet, I’m always going to love you.”

“Bucky…”

“I just thought you should know.”

“Well I definitely thought I knew, but it’s nice to hear it from you.” I reached up and kissed him with tears in my eyes, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him close to me. God, he was just the sweetest and honestly the master of grand gestures, a pro. “I love you too, you know. I don’t think I can come up with something that sincere and wonderful on the spot, but I want you to know that I feel the same way about you.”

“Oh, no, I definitely rehearsed that.” We both laughed at each other and he let go of me, reaching for something in his jacket pocket. “I have something for you.”

“You didn’t have to get me anything.” He pulled out an envelope and put it in my hands. On the outside ‘James’ was written, in a very familiar handwriting. I looked up at him, completely shocked by what this could be. He gestured for me to open it.

“Asa gave this to me. And I think it’s a perfect time for you to read it.”

So I opened the letter and pulled out the note, a note that my father had written to Bucky before he died. I could already feel the tears in my eyes coming back, but tried to hold them back so that I could read what he wrote.

****

Dear James,

On the last day of a man's life there are quite a few things that tend to go through his mind. I thought of two things: my wife and my daughter.

I thought about how much I missed my wife and how lucky I was to know that she was waiting for me. That day I saw her face a lot, everytime I closed my eyes I saw her eyes looking right back at me, almost beckoning me in a way. And God if I didn’t want to go to her. When I had been as sick as long as I had, there just came a point where the fighting didn’t seem worth it, not when I could have stayed with her.

But I thought of Y/N and I thought of the lies that I had told her and the secrets that I had kept. With time she would forgive me for them, but if I didn’t say goodbye to her, if I didn’t tell her one last time how much I loved her, then I knew that she would never forgive me. So I called her and as a father does sometimes, I lied to her to protect her from my impending leave.

And then she asked me about you. The same man who had gone on a television show to find love and had coincidentally fallen in love off screen. The same man who cared for her and was there for her in the ways that no one had been before. The same man who is her best friend, the love of her life and her hero. And in a way, James, you are my hero too.

When I’m gone, things will be hard for her. She always believed in this idea of who her parents were, praising us for our titles and not for our actions. Her mother was a saint but never really got the chance to show Y/N the things that moms get to show their children. And I...I was the perfect idea of a father, from a distance I was everything that she was missing. But when I sent her to America, I didn’t know that her grandparents would keep her.

I want to tell you that I fought harder to bring her back, but with her mom gone and her parents wealth and my lack thereof, it seemed impossible. My life without my wife became unbearable and the medical bills just as so, not to mention I had no legal way of getting to the states, not a way that was fast anyway. So with life stacked against me, I let her go, hoping that at the very least her grandparents could give her a better life than I could.

Y/N never knew the truth and in every way all I seem to do is cause her pain, which is why I never told her about my being sick.

There are choices that we have to make in this life. We never know if they’re right and yet my mistakes and lies have somehow brought her to you. So in a way I hope they weren’t all mistakes because no matter what I did in this life, my life was always for Y/N.

But now I’m passing the baton. She loves you and she’s going to need you now more than ever. So if there’s only one thing that you ever do in this life, just make her happy. Show her the world, give her everything that she could possibly dream of, be her everything, but most importantly love her as if every day is your last. Love her and never let go.

So fall more in love with each other, learn new things about each other, grow old with each other, do the things that I never got to do with my wife. Just make sure to always love each other and everything else will be okay. I promise.

Take care of my little girl,

Your future and late father-in-law

P.S. I hope what’s in this envelope helps

****

“What’s in the—” I looked up to see Bucky down on one knee, with a ring in his hand. All air had completely left my lungs and I knew that if my face wasn’t already covered in tears, that it was now.

“I’ve had this for a little over a year now, but I’ve known for a lot longer that I was going to marry you someday. It was never a question of if, just a question of when and I can’t see a better moment than right now. So...Y/N Y/L/N will you marry me?”

Without any hesitation and with a huge smile on my face, I said, “Yes. God, yes.”

I knelt down and gave him a big kiss, holding his face in my hands and not letting go for a long time. When I pulled away, he stood up and put that gorgeous ring on my finger. And if I thought the tears had been bad before, I don’t even know what was happening now. He could see how emotional this was for me and he just pulled me into his arms and held me tight to him.

“Are you okay?” He asked, placing a hand on my cheek and bring me back up to look at him.

“Am I okay? I am so happy, I really am.”

“I know it’s hard not having your dad here.”

“I didn’t even know that he wrote to you. I knew that I had mentioned and told him a little about you, but that letter was just so personal, like he knew how much you meant to me.”

“Asa. After that time that he spent with us, he told him every little detail about us and he knew, he knew how much I loved you.”

“I love you so much. I can’t believe you proposed.”

“I’m so incredibly happy you said yes.”

“How could I have ever said no? You make me happier than anyone in the world.”

“You make me happy too.”

Instead of going back inside right away, we went and walked around the grounds, enjoying the sunset and the beauty of the castle. Then that curiosity from earlier was brought up.

“I’ve been thinking about something for a little while now, I wanted to talk to you about it. See, I spoke to Steve and Peggy about proposing to you and Peggy had some interesting things to say. She asked you about us getting married and you didn’t think it was good time because of the tour.”

“Well, you have to admit that it’s not. We’re practical people, we understand the busyness of our lives and we saw what Steve and Peggy went through when planning their wedding. I hardly get to see you as it is and planning a wedding, our wedding, over Skype just...it’s not something I want to do.”

“First of all, our wedding is not going to be like this wedding. It’s beautiful and has absolutely celebrated the couple that they are, but you have to admit that it’s kind of crazy. We don’t have an Amanda and we don’t nearly have as much family and where Peggy and Steve had to fight a lot for a day that was even a little bit there's, we get to choose what we want. So that’s the first thing, the second thing is that I never want you to feel guilty about taking jobs that make you happy. I know how much you love what you do, I know you love the theatre. And I’m going to be there with you every step of the way no matter what you choose to do. This proposal isn’t about us settling down and getting married, this is about me making a commitment to you, it’s about me wanting to spend the rest of my life with you. I don’t care if we get married tomorrow or ten years from now. We could just go and get married in a courthouse and I would be perfectly happy. But I just want you to be happy, and I want you to stop thinking that I could ever be disappointed or upset that you took this tour. We will figure everything out, just as we have since the moment we met.”

“You’re amazing and I love you.”

“You’re amazing and I love you too.”

“I’m not ready to go back inside.”

“Then let’s not go back inside just yet.”

As the sun kept going down we just watched as the colors of the sky made everything that much more beautiful. But as you could imagine, being gone as long as we had, made a certain friend group curious. Bucky and I were sitting closer to the front entrance, they had some little concrete wall/benches, when Steve, Peggy, Vision and Wanda found us.

“You guys have been out here for a long time.” Peggy said. She was obviously the most curious out of everyone but it also seemed like she totally knew what happened.

I didn’t even say anything I just took my left hand from Bucky’s and held it up for them to see which definitely resulted in some squealing and lots of hugs. They were obviously so happy for us and in that moment I just got really emotional again. I could feel the tears in my eyes and I tried really hard to keep them in.

“Hey, why are you crying?” Bucky asked, bending down to my level and wiping a tear from my cheek.

“It’s just been such an emotional day. Earlier you gave me that letter from my dad and it really made me realize that my mom and dad will always be a part of me, but the five of you are my family. And I couldn’t imagine a better family to have.” I started to say to Bucky and then spoke to the group.

Trying to keep those tears back failed when they attacked me in a group hug; I think everyone got a little teary eyed hearing that. And being right in the middle of all of this love just reminded me of how good my life was and how lucky I was to find such wonderful people.

When we managed to stop crying, we decided that the six of us had definitely been out for too long, and headed back inside to the reception. We danced, we partied, we drank but most importantly we loved.

Somewhere amongst the partying I went and hung out with Winnie who was the most excited out of everyone that Bucky and I were engaged; I’m serious about that too. And from the get go she had so many ideas, I could tell that she had been thinking about this for some time. Bucky seeing the slight panic on my face though, and from across the room, came to rescue me, taking me back to the dance floor.

And then it got late into the night and guests started to leave, giving the perfect opportunity for Steve and Peggy to bow out for the night, needing the sleep for their flight to St. Lucia the following morning. So they walked around the room and said goodbye to everyone and then they got to me.

“So...you quit your job and didn’t tell me right?” Peggy asked. “I can’t go another six months without you.” I laughed and wrapped my arms around her.

“No I didn’t quit my job...but they did add a show stop in LA.”

“Really? Steve and I are totally coming to see the show.”

“I would expect nothing less. Have a great honeymoon.”

“I will and you enjoy being engaged.”

“I will.”

Steve was next, giving me a huge hug and telling me how happy he was to be getting a sister. And then the people who were left gave them a proper send off, with picturesque sparklers and a vintage car for them to drive off in.

After they left though, everyone sort of made their way either back to their rooms or to wherever they were staying. So Bucky and I said goodnight to Wanda and Vision and went up to our room to do a little more of a private celebration of our engagement and of course before that I had to call Asa and let him know, he was practically my dad; we decided to call friends in the morning.

And when the sun rose we got ready for our day, cleaned out our room, ate breakfast, and got on the road back to London. We had called Tony, telling him and Pepper, who had gotten remarried and were perfectly happy with each other, our wonderful news. So as a pre-pre wedding gift, he gave Bucky another week off so that we could really spend some time together. Of course I was grateful for any time I got to be with Bucky but it was nice to spend a little more time together as an engaged couple and in the same state no less.

But a decision that I cherished more than anything in the world, and thought back to frequently, was taking that job at the network. At the time it had only been a way for me to make ends meet, I needed money and they needed someone who actually knew what they were doing. And yet, I got a lot more than I ever bargained for: I got a family and I met the love of my life. But like that journey had shown me, not everything was going to be easy and there were going to be moments where I had to depend on the people in my life to help me and love me.

But most importantly it was moments like Peggy’s wedding, Wanda’s wedding, eventually my wedding and every milestone in between, that really showed me the amount of love that I had in my life, something I hadn’t thought I had before I met Bucky. So even though my friendship with Bucky seemed a little too real for Reality TV, our marriage continues to grow as we face new challenges and fall a little more in love with each other each and every day. So who needs Reality TV when you’ve got a Bucky?

****

THE END

****

Tell Me What You Think Here

Tags: @fangirl1802, @seargantbcky, @lust-for-pan, @38leticia, @barnes-and-noble-girl, @karipaleta, @capandbuck, @camillechan, @findacauseandserveit, @audasia25, @kendallefire , @alicerozenju, @snuggleducky, @mell-bell, @lifeasabookbutterfly, @the-red-world-of-jess-chibi, @iamwarrenspeace, @ssweet-empowerment, @chook007 , @juliagolia87, @jjsoccer11, @smol-flower-kiddo, @mrsdaamneron, @isaxhorror, @barnesism, @thatgirlrowan, @linki-locks11, @janeyboo, @vgurl18, @guera31, @bornfortherainydays, @carryonmy-assbutt, @calwitch, @mackevanstanfan80, @mrsalh32611

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honeylikewords · 5 years

Note

What’s this?! My favorite writer is now trying her hand at Peter 🅱️ Parker?!?! *i place an offering of candies and honey at your feet* Please, if you have any: some hcs for this foolish soul...

Aw, shucks, I’m your favorite? That’s so darn sweet of you to say! I feel so honored to be someone’s favorite writer! I accept the candies and honey and, in return, here are some Peter B Ponderings for you!

( @regrettablewritings, It He)

General, Non-Romantic Thoughts/HCs:

Peter is actually lowkey lactose intolerant. It was worse pre-bite, meaning he basically could never have cheese or milk without getting horribly ill, and while it’s better nowadays (with the combination of age, practice, and enhanced health from the spider bite), he still gets a tummy ache if he ingests too much dairy. That being said… he always ingests too much dairy. He just loves that good, good pizza cheese too much to resist.

Peter collects a lot of knick-knacks and tchotchkes. He makes jokes about it being tacky to own one’s own merch, but he does admit he has a fondness for some of the Spidey memorabilia he sees around New York. He’s been known to go to conventions (as a photographer for the paper, documenting the events with his press badge) and end up wandering the artists’ alleys, sometimes buying their unlicensed Spidey stickers or handmade plushies. He thinks it’s sweet that people care that much.

On a similar note, if a child EVER gives him ANYTHING meant for him/Spidey, he keeps it. Every time. Even in his lowest, grouchiest state, he always kept things made for him by children and never declined them. He keeps everything in a filing cabinet in his home, and a couple more in the Spider-Shed/his hideout. The Spider-Shed is wall-to-wall covered in drawings children have made for him, letters from kids he’s saved or who admire him, pictures of him posing with kids who asked for a photo op with their favorite hero. It keeps him motivated: do it for the people who look up to him.

Speaking of his hideout, which is technically on May’s property, Peter B. owns Aunt May’s home. After she passed away, she left the house to him in the will, so he does own it. The only reason he didn’t immediately move in there (and instead got that crappy loaner apartment) was because he felt it would be too big to be in all alone, much less all alone with all the painful memories. He was in a dark, hurting place in his life, and the idea of living in his childhood home without his mother figure, without his loved ones… it ached too badly to even think about. So, instead, he put all of May’s things in storage and rented the house out temporarily. However, after the events of Spider-Verse, he decided to move in, feeling better about himself and his future. It’s what May would have wanted: for him to go home.

Peter is an 80′s kid (born in 1981!), so he has a fondness for the stuff he grew up with, while still being able to enjoy newer things. That being said, he’s a bit of an old coot and codger about certain things. For example, he hated the Star Wars prequels and, if probed, will go on a rant about how they almost destroyed the Star Wars franchise and how, if he could, he’d go back in time and slap George Lucas silly for trying to make all that happen. “Mace Windu is the ONLY good thing about the prequels,” he hisses. “The O N L Y good thing.”

On that note, Peter does actually still own VHS tapes and a player that he keeps fully functional. He’s very techy, very gifted with computers, and very capable of keeping up with every detail of the technical realm, but he also has a fondness for older, clunkier, almost ‘analog’ machines. Plus, there’s just something pleasing to him about the pop and crackle and fuzz of a VHS tape. He has all of his childhood/teenage tapes still, and insisted May never throw away their tapes. Every movie they ever owned is preserved, and he can go back and revisit them any time he pleases. Sometimes, when he’s working on a new gadget, tinkering away at his workbench, he’ll put on a VHS in the background and just let the movie play itself out while he works. He often plays the original Star Wars films, The Goonies, or Jurassic Park. Sometimes he’ll pop in VHSes he recorded of original Star Trek episodes or something like Quantum Leap. He likes sci-fi stuff the best.

Peter’s hair is Like That because it’s the one thing he actually bothers grooming. May used to always get on his case as a kiddo because he had messy hair, and it was the one aspect of his grooming he could control (he didn’t grow facial hair for quite some time, so this was just about the only thing he could do for most of his adolescence and young adulthood), so he knows to at least bother to brush it over. Every time he does it, he can imagine May standing in the bathroom door, watching him brush his hair, and remember the way she’d pinch his cheek and call him “the handsomest boy in Queens”. It makes him smile.

Peter is slightly far-sighted, needing reading glasses. His eyesight was, for the most part, fixed with the spider-bite, but that mostly just gave him incredible long-distance vision. Up close, however, especially now that he’s a touch older, he needs a little help.

Peter B. Parker is, of course, Jewish. He still practices and regularly visits synagogue, and has done a number of community efforts both in and out of the suit. Spider-Man is welcomed at a number of institutions of faith in New York, and Peter has been to at least one service at each (he’s attended church, mosque, temple, synagogue, et cetera) while in the suit. He’s very proudly Jewish, as evidenced by his wedding, and happy to be part of the community.

Peter likes going to the movies, but has found that, now that he’s getting older, if the movie isn’t very good, he might just doze off and fall asleep. It’s embarrassing how many times he’s been caught at the local theatre, slouched in his seat, snoring into his half-empty popcorn bucket. Sometimes the workers will mistake him for a homeless man, and the number of times he’s had to show ID and prove that he’s not homeless is… even more embarrassing.

Peter doesn’t eat too exotically, but he’s willing to try lots of things. He lives in New York, after all, one of the most densely interculturally populated cities in the world! He’s open to experimenting and seeing what lies in the unprobed realms of cuisine. But don’t offer him anything like live animals, slimy stuff, “prairie oysters”, eyeballs, et cetera. Sometimes, you just need to pass on the more questionable dining experiences.

Peter, absolutely, beyond a shadow of a doubt, cannot dance. This video is a reference to how he dances.

youtube

Peter thinks white chocolate tastes like grease, dark chocolate is too bitter, and only super processed milk chocolate is good. This guy eats whole boxes of Goobers, too, just because he likes the chocolate. “I try to ignore the peanuts,” he says around a mouthful.

Peter B. Parker has been hit by several taxis. He now hates taxis.

Peter B. Parker has a love-hate relationship with the new Star Wars sequels. He also thinks Poe Dameron is mad hot, but somehow familiar. Where does he know that voice…?

Peter’s favorite time of year is winter. Summer is a b o m i n a b l e in New York, spring’s fine, autumn beautiful, but Peter loves a good, chilly, brisk winter’s day, and the promise of snow. He doesn’t get especially cold in the suit, either, since it’s perfectly designed to always maintain thermodynamic equilibrium.

Peter loves a good, hard hug. Especially if it’s hard enough to pop his back a little. He’s more of an ‘acts of service’ affectionate kind of guy, but he can really appreciate a good, strong, loving hug. And if it alleviates a little of that pressure in his spine? Well, all the better!

#messages #long post #spiderman #into the spiderverse #peter b parker #gif warning #Anonymous

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chemically-imbalanced-romance · 6 years

Text

Sanders Sides Clique!AU

Max: hey everyone send prompts

Max: *makes this garbage instead*

- I wanted to make a punk!au bc I’m obsessed with @asofterfan’s and I’m Starved For Content™ but punk isn’t smth I know too much about but you know what is?

-Emo

-Emo things

-I’m better at the sad part of pain than the angry part

-Virgil and Deceit are the emo boyos.

+ Virgil is a transboy because I’m projecting and after he decided to come out, he said “fuck it” and decided to change everything else he hated about himself, too

* He was always super inspired by Deceit from afar- Watching him flirt and laugh and socialize and straighten his back and walk with his chin up and he was high key aesthetically pleasing

+ Dece ((deh-see)) is the most Extra™ emo in the school. He’s got lip and eyebrow piercings, wears this really flowy black and gold trench coat and combat boots with spikes. His hair is jet black and he refuses to leave the house without a thick coat of eyeliner and what do you mean it’s contacts no my eyes are actually that dark what fuck off-

+ Virgil was inspired by the look, but went with a more tame version of it. He dyed his hair a vibrant purple and began religiously applying foundation and black eyeshadow under his eyes, but otherwise stuck with ripped jeans, Converse, and hoodies. He was so proud of his new look that the next day he forced up the confidence to walk straight over to Dece and show him.

+ They got close fast, and were best friends for the majority of two years before Logan convinced Virgil to cut him off for his lying habits.

+ Virgil and Dece were both destroyed, and Dece didn’t come back to school for two weeks, but Logan took care of Virgil until he was back into a better headspace

- Logan is not only really subtlety goth, but a prodigy in psychology and sociology.

+ He wears dark jeans and black or gray collared shirts, unbuttoned to the top of his chest, and his hair is naturally black and for the most part messy.

+ He can’t be bothered to fix it, there’s too much to do.

+ He has a lip piercing and messes with when he’s focusing and usually has a bunch of rings, or at least a couple necklaces on at once

+ Draws sharpie tattoos on himself when he’s bored

- He and Virgil met a year after Virgil met Dece because Virgil was having a panic attack in the middle of their English class and Logan was, 1) the only one who knew what to do, and 2) The only one other than the teacher who wasn’t laughing at him

+ Virgil kinda hung on to Logan like a lost puppy after that. He kept his guard up reeeeaaaall high in case of any sign Logan didn’t want him around anymore, but Logan actually quite liked his company and grew comfortable with him fast.

- Patton is the most bubbly, outgoing, sweetest scene kid there is.

+ His hair changes from a variety of pastel colours. His hair is naturally super light blond and the pastels fade quickly, so he’s able to come to school with a new colour pretty much every month and a half.

+ His favourite? Bubblegum pink.

- Doesn’t know what gender roles are.

+ ((He does but you’ll never know))

- *comes to school in a skirt and knee socks*

Administration: You have to go change you can’t be wearing girls’ clothes

Patton: What? These are my clothes!

Administration:

- One day Logan notices Virgil staring at him because he’s wearing the cutest purple skirt ever and he needs it where did he get it and he’s wearing it with this black crop top that just shows a strip of skin and he’s just ??? Fashion icon??? Role model??? M u s t h a v e

+ So Logan’s just like “bitch to do smth” and Virgil’s ????? “I’d rather die”

+ So Logan just gets up and Virgil’s entire world ends as Logan goes over to him, but Logan doesn’t bring Patton to the lunch table- He talks to Patton for a few minutes, Patton looking absolutely delighted, and comes back saying, “He’ll sit with us on Friday, is that enough time to prepare?” and Virgil’s ???? shit i’m in love

- Remy and Roman are 1) theatre bros and 2) The most annoying people in the whole entire school.

+ Every morning for two weeks straight after they listened to BMC together Remy, at seven in the morning, at the top of his lungs, the second Roman walked into the classroom door, sang “ROMAN MAKES AN ENTRANCE”

+ the first time he did it, Roman screamed in terror and then laughing so hard he cried and had to go to the nurse’s with an upset stomach

+ Roman is an actor and refuses to believe he won’t go into every audition with a 100% chance of getting the lead role.

+ When this doesn’t happen, he’s bummed and Remy and him listen to Hamilton and then he’s pumped up again and ready to kick ass in whatever role he did end up getting

- Remy is mostly stage crew. He helps with the sets and the soundboard. Sometimes he plays an extra, but the only reason he really loves theatre so much is because of the atmosphere.

+ Theatre is both Really Gay and Really Loud which is pretty much Remy summed up

- Remy and Virgil met pretty early on, before Virgil was even friends with Dece, because Virgil stayed after almost every day to help work on the sets. He did most of the sketches and then helped choosing colour pallets, before dropping off some Wendy’s or smth and disappearing

+ Roman didn’t talk to Virgil until they met officially, since he was too focused on being #perfect, but Remy was constantly bitching about being tired and an insomniac and UGHGHGHGHGH VIRGIL DO YOU HAVE ANY CONCEALOR THESE BAGS ARE ATROCIOUS

V: Uhhhh I have some eyeshadow?

Re: ...

Re: Sorry honey I know it’s your look and everything and I support you but that is not a fashion trend I stan ROMAN DO YOU HAVE ANY CONSEALOR-

((How many different ways can Max spell counselor bet))

+ So one day Virgil brought him a Starbucks along with the usual food he brings for the people who stay late, and Remy’s like “I’m adopting you you’re my boyfriend now”

((You, with one (1) brain cell: What ship is this au????

Me, an intellectual: All of them))

- One day Logan picks Virgil up afterwards because they planned to stay the night, and came face-to-face with Remy

+ Logan was completely baffled because they seemed so close but Virgil never mentioned him before?

+ He played nice but when they were alone, he was actually quite upset when he asked Virgil why he never told Logan about him before, and Virgil just shrugged and muttered “didn’t think he’d stick around long enough for there to be a point”

+ So of course that Will Not Stand™ and Logan invited Remy to go out with he, Virgil, and Patton at some point and Remy dragged Roman along

+ Logan took Remy and Roman aside at one point while Patton distracted Virgil with an arcade game and said under no certain terms that if they even made Virgil kinda frown one (1) single time they would d i e

+ Remy’s not phased and Roman pretends not to be, but the two R boyos leave a few hours later and Roman turns to him and goes “I almost pissed myself”

Okay lol that’s what I got rn but tALK TO ME ABOUT THIS AU I suddenly love it with all my heart lmao

Also a big thx to Jude bc seriously they should be respected and looked up to and loved Ily thanks for existing

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eurydiceh · 6 years

Text

i watched h*athers at the other pal*ce last night and i have Thoughts

first off i actually,,,,,,,, don’t remember that much from off-bway 2014 h*athers cause i haven’t watched it in so long lmao but the most noticeable changes were from blue to a song called you’re welcome. mcnamara and duke are not on stage for that one, they get the car keys and leave veronica stranded w/ kurt & ram. the song is not much better off tbh. it’s even more uncomfortable but in a more predatory way i guess so it highlights how she’s....... literally about to be raped but there are still some jokes??? and it’s........ not the time to expect laughter like idk it personally made me very uncomfortable. and yEAH it’s supposed to make u uncomfortable ofc but then they’re throwing in jokes and it’s like friends we had this problem 4 years ago can we. not.

they added a song for he*ther d*ke which i was soooooo excited about!! look. i didn’t love the song. maybe if i listen to it more i’ll get into it but i feel like it was just this huge spectacle and kinda thrown in and also there’s this part where she rips the green costume off and reveals chandler’s red one. despite not loving the song, t’shan KILLED IT and i’m still not over her tbh lmao she was my fave part of the show last night i think. aLsO it added a biiiit more to the character since before she was mostly treated like a villain and now we see a girl who just Really wants to be liked and suffered substantial abuse from her “best friend” and now is just kind of....... free.

they kept d*ad g*y s*n which like. disappointed but not surprised.

the cast

c*rrie h*pe fl*tch*r as veronica - i’d listened to a couple of audios of her before and i wasn’t too happy that they’d removed veronica’s high notes but watching it live, it didn’t seem like a huge problem at all tbh. she was an amazing veronica and definitely has very powerful vocals but in my opinion she wasn’t particularly memorable tbh?? i just don’t feel like she was really able to make the character her own and a lot of it felt very derived from barrett but that’s just me.

j*mie m*sc*to as jd - i actually really liked his jd!! he had the look dOWN. he started out maybe a bit more cute-sy and hesitant (like, almost told veronica she had the wrong cup when she gave chandler the bleach & was almost kinda shocked like ‘oh shit i killed someone’) but grew veeeery dark and manic and manipulative and was revelling in moments like after d*ad g*y s*n and sh*ne a l*ght and was always like ‘ok who we gonna kill next!!!’ and was very creepy in general though the musical did prompt you to feel bad for people like him as well as kurt and ram which. it shouldn’t & i don’t bye!

- like quick lil note i understand veronica is in distress but i hate how she sings that they could’ve turned out good when they aLMOST RAPED HER like they didn’t deserve to die but come on!!

j*die st*ele as he*ther c - mixed feelings for this one tbh. i didn’t love her, i’ll start by saying that. her voice is definitely very powerful and very fit for the character, but i feel like she played everything as more comical than anything else and some of her meaner moments felt a bit forced. but she was absolutely hilarious in the me ins*de of me and all the other moments after she died lol. not my favorite but she wasn’t bad either. did have some more memorable little moments like her dance in me ins*de of me was gOLD.

t’sh*n will*ms as he*ther d - i!!! stan!!! i think she was my fave he*ther d tbh??? she’s a fucking powerhouse and she made the character pretty sympathetic, especially towards the end. looked genuinely concerned when she said v looked like hell. in the finale she just stands there kinda grumpy and doesn’t sing along but then veronica insists for like a solid ten seconds and she joins in, still not sure if she quite belongs, very hesitant, but with the cUTEST small lil smile and she gives martha this little wave i cRIED.

s*phie is*acs as he*ther mc - again, she was very good, but i didn’t find her particularly memorable. like, to me, lifeboat just kind of flew by and her almost suicide scene as well and i didn’t feel too much??? her voice is definitely very pretty and she’s a good actress but i think the performance fell a bit flat for me.

a few more lil notes!!

- costumes were fine but i gotta say i was not a fan of he*ther m’s skirt or jd’s trench coat

- the stage was very small but the set felt so big at the same time?? and the set was very pretty tbh i really liked it!!

- sh*ne a l*ght was hILARIOUS and r*becca l*ck was great and being vv interactive and pointing to the guy at the audience and being like ‘you brought your wife aND A KID????’ and the wife was living and the guy was dying

- i feel like some jokes didn’t work w/ the british audience as it happens lmao like when ms fl*ming was like ‘as my thesis from berkley says’ and there were like, two laughs, one from me. in brazil we usually translate these kinds of things but i get why they didn’t. makes me wonder how h*milton is working out here tbh lol.

- dominic & chris were on point as kurt & ram (def reminded me of all the dudebros i know) but i just feel a bit iffy about the whole kram thing and everyone...... you know........ forgetting they almost raped veronica.

- huuuuuuge props to the ensemble. it was very small but they nailed it and the ensemble numbers were just always filled with energy and a lot of fun!!

- also props to the cast’s american accents!! they did slip at times but they fooled the friends i’d taken with me who were all surprised to find out the cast was actually british.

- i hate paying for programmes. not a note for the show but one from me to this country. i know they fancier than playbills but we have similar ones in brazil and they’re free!! 4 pounds doesn’t seem like much. until you remember that’s twenty reais. TWENTY!!

- there wasn’t really a stage door, the actors showed up at the lobby, but there was a line that went all the way outside the theatre and i am now Old and no longer have the patience for these types of things so i just left.

- sooooooo many people went dressed up though so if you’re in doubt about whether or not you should i’d say go for it.

- overall it was a good show, definitely fun, didn’t really leave me in emotional shambles but maybe i’m just older & boring now. i’m glad they’re still trying things out and making changes because lemme tell you it needs some of those. but if you’re in london, i def recommend watching it if it’s your type of show (though i know it’s not everyone’s cup of tea), it was a fun experience (love me some h*athers themed drinks) and i don’t think you’ll regret it!

#i probably forgot a bunch of things because i have the memory of a goldfish but......... here goes

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raccoonsinqueen · 7 years

Text

Sharp Teeth and Sharp Wit

What are we having tonight? Underfell!Sans x Reader!

Appetizer: HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY @letsallbecalmchaps !!!! You’re the most SPECIALEST person with the username letsallbecalmchaps EVER!!! Thanks for being the RADEST and I hope you had lots of cake! <3

Main Course: You quite literally run into a pretty funny skeleton.

Dessert: It’s all PG here, maybe PG 13 for innuendos? Eh, not really.

This was it. This was the day you’ve been waiting for for months.

And you were late!

Earlier this year, you had been casually streaming the internet (as you always do) when you came upon a certain trailer that caught your eye...

ArachnaMan! One of your long time favorite superheros was getting a movie! And by one of your favorite directors, no less! You couldn’t have been more stoked!

And so you prepared, watching every bit of information that came out about the movie, watching fantheories and others debunking said theories, rereading some of your favorite comics of the hero of spiders. To say you geeked out would’ve been a bit of an understatement, but who could blame you?

Finally, the day came where you could finally watch the masterpiece... and you were late, of course. Only you could manage to be tardy on a movie you were looking forward to for months. But, to be fair, you were pretty sure the universe was working against you on this one. Friends needed to be consoled, traffic was redirected a few too many times, and you had to stop by the convenience store to pick up some snacks and drinks you “subtly” stowed away in you bag. Movie theatre snacks weren’t cheap.

So there you were, rushing to the movie theatre’s ticket booth like your mother had just called to tell you she was having a baby and you were the only one who could deliver it. Of course, when you reached it, the poor theatre employee looked like she was about to have a heart attack for you.

You almost fell onto the counter as you leaned your weight into it, your breath as heavy as lead. “-PANT PANT- One... -PANT- ... Ticket for ArachnaMan -PANT- please?” You swallowed, before wearily handing her a twenty.

“Uh...” The attendant’s eyes didn’t leave your withering form as she punched the numbers into her computer and printed the ticket. “Here. Should just be theatre nine.”

“-PANT- Thanks... Keep the change...” You said, regaining your breath, as you grabbed the ticket and ran inside.

Rushing past the concession stand, you looked back over the ticket.

“Okay, okay, I still got this. Ten minutes late, I probably just missed the previews. Theatre nine...” You looked at the ticket and the numbers above each theatre. “I should just have to take a right and-!!”

Before you knew it, you turned around and felt a shocking chill collapse down your shirt.

“Gah!” You instinctively brought your hands to your chest, trying to bring what little warmth you had left back onto your now sweet soda covered shirt.

“ay!” A low voice rumbled. “watch where ya goin’, princess!”

You looked up from your soaked clothes to see a... skeleton. Huh, not a very common type of monster, right? You would’ve question his edgy clothing style, Brooklyn accent, or even his crimson eyelights if you weren’t so off put by his strikingly sharp teeth. Man, those things were like shark teeth, they looked like they could tear a chunk out of your flesh! Maybe it was supposed to be threatening? You don’t know, it was kinda hard to see him as a threat when he was almost a head shorter than you...

“well, are ya just gonna stare all day er are ya gonna apologize?”

You snapped out of your daze, before you remembered you just rammed into this guy. “Oh, sorry! I was in a bit of a hurry! Here,” Before the short skeleton could gripe back at you anymore, you reached into your bag and pulled out a bottled soft drink. “This should make up for it?”

The skeleton took the bottle, looking at it quizzically, before those red eyelights traveled back up to you. It felt like he was reading you... it made you a bit uncomfortable. But soon, his scowl melted into a smooth, easygoing grin, taking a bit of the edge off of his edgy teeth.

“and so it has.” He simple mused, his eyelights scrolling your body once again. “where are you headed off ta, sweetcheeks?”

“Well, actually I was running a bit late...” You pointed to the theatres, absentmindedly. “I’m actually trying to find theatre nine, you wouldn’t happen to- ...”

When you looked back, you couldn’t help but notice the skeleton was staring straight at your chest. Honestly, you would’ve been a bit offended... if you hadn’t looked down and notice that the previously spilled soda was making your shirt see through.

“Ack-!” You quickly covered your chest with your arms, your ears burning with embarrassment, something that only made the skeleton snicker. “I -uhm-... Where’s the bathroom?”

“right down the hall, take a left.”

“Thank you!” You called, before rushing towards his directions. Ah geez, another thing the universe put in your way to keep you from watching this movie. You began to wonder if maybe it was fate? Maybe this movie was actually really bad, and the universe was trying to save you from getting disappointed?

Well, maybe the universe needs to mind it’s own business.

When you reached the bathroom, you striped your shirt off and threw it under the sink. Might as well try and keep it from staining while you're here right? Luckily, the soda washed right out, and you were able to put it under the hand dryer to make it less transparent. After a little while though, you grew a bit impatient and began dabbing it with paper towels.

There, it may have not been completely dry, but it was no longer showcasing your bra and that was all you needed. You threw it on, before looking at the time.

Okay, so now you were twenty minutes late. No big deal? You probably didn’t miss anything still? Like more previews??

You pushed your denial aside, and set out for theatre nine.

Goodnews, you were easily able to find it. Who knew, it was right next to theatre eight? Badnews, you walked in and every seat was taken. Every. Seat. You had no idea the theatre would’ve filled up so fast! But how were you going to watch it if-!

Oh, there was a seat! In the back... right next to your favorite shark-teeth baring skeleton.

Well, let’s just hope this isn’t too awkward.

You shuffled your way past the large groups of people, almost tripping on a couple, before you took your seat in the back. There, the skeleton greeted you with a sly grin.

“a little late to the party, sweetcheeks.” He said, just below a whisper.

You shuffled around a bit, before you looked up to the screen. You breathed a sigh of relief. It had only just started.

“I didn’t miss much.” You smiled.

“yeah, i didn’t miss much, either.”

You turned to him, confused over what he meant, before the realization hit you as he threw you a wink. You immediately swiped your head back to the screen, melting into your seat and ignoring the way he was chuckling at your blush.

But your heated complexion began to cool as the movie continued on. The action scenes were amazing, and the characters were very real and believable! You could definitely see people like that who you knew in real life, which made it all the more fun! The effects were astounding, and the villain was actually very likable! You began to wish to see more of him... Until...

“oh no, it’s birdman.” You heard the monster beside you mutter under his breath. “look out, he might die of old age and fall on you.”

Okay, that was funny.

“PFFT-!!” You choked on your chocolate raisin, startling everyone around you as you coughed to clear your lungs. But by the end of it, you were almost shaking trying to keep in your laughter. When you looked beside you, the skeleton looked surprised by your sudden outburst, before a genuine smile plastered on his face.

“if i’m scared of anything, it’s that kid’s diabetes being contagious.”

“that’s the girl he likes? i’ve had more interesting conversations with styrofoam.”

“steelman reminds me of my dad, mostly nonpresent and a complete waste of an addition to this movie.”

The skeleton littered comments like these throughout the entire movie, just gauging to get a reaction out of you. And so he did, and you used every last bit of your willpower you had left to keep from busting out in roaring laughter. The comments were so funny, you had a hard time actually paying attention to the movie! And what was even worse was that because of your muffled laughter, the movie was ruined for the people around you and you were 90% sure they all hated you for it.

It was then when you realized what the universe was trying to protect you from. It was this skeleton and his awful humor. You should’ve just waited for the later showing.

By the time the movie was over, you weren’t even going to wait for the ending credit scene. You’d just look it up online like a pirate or something.

When you finally made it out of the suffocating theatre, you busted out in laughter. “Pfft! Hahahaha! Oh my gosh!!”

The skeleton was quick behind your heels, leaning toward you with a half smirk-half genuine smile on his face. Huh, he didn’t want to stay for the ending scene either? “heheh... you liked the movie?”

“Haha! You are the worst!” You said, in between laughter. “Oh my gosh, and the one with ArachnaMan being-! Pssh!- Hahaha!”

“nerd had it comin’.” The monster shrugged, and you shoved him lightly.

“Oh my goodness, I can’t believe you ruined that for me!” You opened the door to the exit, and he followed in step. “I have been waiting for that movie for months, and now I can never look at it the same way again!”

“hey, i didn’t ruin it!” He mocked being offended. “i just shed a more comedic light on the movie.”

You laughed at his wit, which only made him light up more. “Ha! A more comedic light?”

He shrugged again, “what do ya expect from me?”

“An apology.” You crossed your arms, a smile playing on your features as you walked the sidewalk. “For ruining my movie and almost ruining my shirt.”

“an apology?” The skeleton laughed. “you ran into me, doll. besides, if you hadn’t, you wouldn’t have been able to sit next to me and listen to my terrific humor.”

“Your right! How could I have been so blind!” Oh gasped in mock surprise, lifting two fingers and turning to him. “I should get two apologies for that!”

The skeleton laughed again, raking a hand over his face before his eyelights rolled back to you with amusement. “hahahehe! you’re a weird one, sweetcheeks-”

But before your conversation could continue any further, a sharp voice interrupted your fun. “Hey! You!”

You jumped at this, turning around only to see a striped scarf wearing monster stomp towards you. “Uh, yes?” You asked.

“You ruined the entire movie for me and my girlfriend!” You flinched at his tone. “You were laughing the entire time! What was so funny that you had to ruin it for the rest of us!?”

“Oh, geez...” You scratched the back of your head. “Sorry, man.... I really didn’t mean to upset-”

“You didn’t mean to upset me?!” He continued you to rampage, hurting your ears. You winced at this, casually rubbing your now sore ears. “Are you even listening to me?!”

“oy. back off, buddy.” You were surprised to see the skeleton standing up for you. He didn’t seem the type. “she said she was sorry, so she’s sorry. do you need a written apology?”

This only seemed to enrage the monster further, “And who are you?! Were you the one who was whispering to her the entire time?! I bet you think your a funny guy, don’t you!? Well, you’re not funny! You’re just a nobody who decided to jerk around the entire movie and ruin it for the rest of us!”

At this, the skeleton’s eyelights went out. How curious? But before you could react, the skeleton’s features melted into calm expression.

“sweetheart...” He said, cooly, his sharp teeth smoothing into a relaxed smile. “why don’t you take a couple steps back while I talk some sense into this guy?”

You did as he asked. Despite his calm attitude, you felt even more unnerved by his coolness than if he were to get mad.

“Hey! Don’t talk to me like-!!” The monster promptly paled when the skeleton grabbed a hold of his arm and started dragging him behind the corner of a building. “What?! Let go of me!!”

You leaned forward a bit, trying to hear what was going on, but did not dare to move from your spot.

“What the heck, man?!” The monster’s biting voice shrilled. “What do you think you’re- !!”

THWACK!

After a couple of seconds, the skeleton returned, his relaxed grin still in place.

“...What was that?” You eyed him, suspiciously.

“eh, i just gave him a little talkin’ too, s’all.” He shrugged. “i’d drop it, doll.”

“But that didn’t sound like-”

“i said drop it, doll.”

You scrunched your face up, annoyed at his display of dominance, before leaning down to his eye level. He gave you an unamused expression, before you voiced, “Are you sure you didn’t... rattle his bones?”

He looked at you shocked for a second, before he erupted with laughter.

You smiled, straightening. “Tibia honest, it was a bit worrying. Didn’t think you’d make it out alive, but then I remembered you weren’t alive to begin with.”

“hahahaha! heheheh-! oh my stars, kid, you’re an idiot!”

“It’s only fair that I ruin your bad bones moment, since you ruined my movie!” You laughed with him.

Just as your skeletal friend had finished laughing, you had reached your car. You wondered why he followed you all the way over here, but didn’t put too much thought into it.

“Welp, this is my stop.” You leaned on your car. “So do you have a name, your are you just going to be that one guy who ruined the ArachnaMan movie for me?”

The skeleton wiped a nonexistent tear from his eye. “hehe... it’s sans. sans the skeleton.”

“Really? I thought you were a horse.”

“shut up, sweetheart.” He said, light heartedly. “you haven’t even given me yours.”

“It’s...” You took a second to think, before you pulled out a pen and paper out of your bag. Sans looked to you, curiously, before you handed him the piece of paper. “Y/n. You should call me sometime. Maybe you can ruin a couple more movies for me.”

To your surprise, Sans seemed to literally change color at this. What a strange and soft shade of scarlet. “ah -heheh-... sure, uh, sure thing, doll.”

You snorted at this, “What, no witty comment? You leave me disappointed, Sans!”

Sans replied by showcasing his ever so sharp teeth in a wide grin and said, “well, i can’t blow all my good jokes in one day.”

#WOOO #I LOVE BIRTHDAYS!!#letsallbecalmchaps #underfell sans #underfell #sans #uf!sans #underfell!sansxreader #underfell sans x reader #sans x reader #sansxreader #reader insert #undertale #raccoon with a book

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andistillgetbutterflies · 4 years

Text

to grief:

I haven’t written here in a while and I think it’s because I’ve felt less sad about life in general. Yea, there are still days where I feel like I’ll never find happiness, but those days don’t out number the ones where I truly feel content. That is until this week.

I’ve loved watching glee since the beginning. The characters are the same age as me so as I went through high school, it felt like I really knew these characters and are going through it with them. At first, I really loved glee for the songs and the humour and even the teen drama that seemed so relatable yet far fetched to me. My high school had musical theatre, which I was very much involved in, and my friends and I weren’t bullied for it. In fact, we were praised. We were the cool kids and even got away with avoiding school work because the drama teacher loved us so much and would call our other teachers for us.

Just like the glee characters, there were a lot of “incest” hookups and drama caused by who was dating who and who liked who and who kissed who. But it was a nice way to bond with people who are seniors and get invited to cool parties.

During the time I watched glee, I realized more and more how much I enjoyed watching Santana’s character. She was witty, sarcastic, and had a no fucks given attitude that always kept her 100% real. I pride myself in trying to be as real as possible so she was definitely a character I drew towards. Throughout the years, even during the horrible season 5 and 6, I still kept up watching the show, mostly watching for Santana. I’d like to say she carried the show, but reality is I saw a lot of myself in her. The more I watched, the more I became interested in the actors. I’ve always wanted to be famous - I mean I did audition for Disney once. So I’ve found myself drawn to the actors, especially Naya Rivera who played Santana on the show. I’ve imagined ways I’d bump into the cast and how that’ll easily transition into a friendship. So I guess my imagination really brought us closer than we were.

During COVID-19 and quarantine, I decided to rewatch glee again. The convenience of Netflix and me being laid off gave me insomnia and glee was the perfect fix. I get to sing along and relive my high school years and remember why I loved this show so much. I once again started imagining what it would be like if I moved to LA and how I’d be able to befriend them, even after all these years. My obsession came back as if no years has passed between high school and now. So when the news of Naya Rivera’s passing broke, that hit me hard.

I’ve never understood why people mourned celebrities they’ve never met. I know people cried when Michael Jackson died or when Whitney Houston died. But I never understood it. How can you feel for someone so deeply if you’ve never met them and you don’t even know who they really are? I guess now I know how it feels.

During the days she went missing, I constantly refreshed every social media page I had and the other cast members to see if I would receive any updated news. I constantly had the gut wrenching feeling in the pit of my stomach. I couldn’t shake it off no matter how hard I tried.

When the press conference finally announced they found a body in the lake and it was her, I lost sense of reality. It was like time stopped and I didn’t want to believe this was real. I constantly felt sad, and every time I refreshed my social media, someone was mourning her which made me more sad. I couldn’t control the tears that were falling down my face and I couldn't, still can’t, grasp exactly why it hit me so hard. She will always be a part of my growing up and I will forever thank her for the excitement she brought me through her character. But that’s not the only reason why I’m sad.

I’ve always been terrified of death. When I went to church as a kid, a youth pastor pulled each of us aside and explained the concept of heaven. I broke down crying and couldn’t understand what that meant and how that was guaranteed. “Will I see my mom and dad again?”, I asked. I couldn’t fathom that this life ends and that everything I know or have will disappear and I won’t even know or feel it. So to me, everything that means ANYTHING to me at all, I try not to think about it ending. Almost like everything related to me can escape death. So when I found out about Naya, my reaction was, what do you mean she’s gone? How can she be alive yesterday and gone today? I literally just saw her Instagram story and her tweeting. I didn’t, and still don’t, quite understand it.

As you can probably tell, I haven’t lost a lot of people in my life, or at least people I remember losing. The closest to my memory would be my aunt who was battling cancer, but I was very young and the only grief I remember having is seeing my mother in the back seat of the car bawling her eyes out after hearing a certain song on our way to go fishing. I’d never forget that look.

And as I continued my grief, silently of course, because my Asian parents would never understand, I thought I’d reach out to my best friend. He’s very special to me and someone that I really fell in love with. The last person I ever loved til this day. We always played phone tag and would check in on each other every now and then. We would always try to be happy for each other on whatever we’re up to and try to encourage each other to chase our dreams. We’re both Gemini’s so we’re ambitious like that. To my surprise, he responded “who is this”. This never happens, because he usually says its him and he knows my number since I haven’t changed it since 2012. That’s when I get a call from him.

I was hesitant to answer at first because I was nervous. I always got nervous around him, even after all these years. But when I picked up, a woman answered. To be honest, I thought it was his girlfriend and she didn't want me messaging him. He always had a lot of girlfriends, some were crazier than others so I wasn’t too surprised. But, it wasn’t. I wish it was a crazy girlfriend. Instead, it was his mom.

His mom remembered my name, I even met her once. I was happy to hear that he talked about me to her because it shows that I meant something to him. But I cannot believe what she said next.

“Carter passed away on July 3, we actually had a funeral last Thursday.”

What. The. Fuck.

As I continue to stutter and apologize for having to put his mom in this situation, I can’t help but wonder what happened. So as I tiptoed around the subject I finally asked, “was it sudden?”

“He killed himself. I try to be honest about it. I don’t know if he told you about his mental health problems, but he’s been sad for a long time.”

I knew about his depression and mental health struggles. I knew that he had a rough childhood and he resented his dad for leaving him. He fought with his mom all the time, and she kicked him out on multiple occasions. But he found love from his grandparents, which are who he stayed with most of the time. I knew all this, but I didn't realize how bad it had gotten. I wish I had.

Ever since we were kids, I’ve always tried to be a good influence to him. I even tried to convince him to come to summer school with me, which let’s be honest, he barely showed up for school during the year and that was mandatory so why would he ever go to summer school. But he entertained the idea for me, like he always did with everything I suggested. I guess he didn’t want to disappoint me. And as we grew up and grew apart, mostly because he moved and changed schools a million times and I went off to University in a different province, we still kept in touch. He has always struggled with finding a passion and what he wanted to do with his life. First he wanted to make music, which he did for a while, then he turned to art. I thought this would be his biggest break through, his art was amazing. I suggested he should be a tattoo artist since he loved tattoos and is clearly good at drawing. So when we chatted back in March of 2019, he had let me know he is restructuring himself and even went to an open house at OCAD and centennial to enrol if he doesn’t hear back from a tattoo apprenticeship. Then December 2019 came around and he let me know he was in a transitional phase with his art and might want to go into animation so he could work from home. He even suggested he’d come visit me in Montreal. I know he never would, but just the fact that he suggested made me so happy. We even tried to make plans to meet up, I really wish I had pressed him for these plans because maybe he needed to see me for a reason.

Nothing until now had been a red flag for me. I tried to always be positive and whatever dream he was chasing after next, I tried to be supportive and reaffirm that he did have talent and he will figure it out. But in February, his art on Instagram had taken a darker turn. I didn’t notice at first because he posted sporadically and also the Instagram algorithm only gives you a piece a time so if you didn’t go on his profile you wouldn't see the full picture. But his Instagram story caught my eye. It was a post along the lines of if he died, no one would even care. I immediately messaged him letting him know I would. He said thank you and quickly changed the topic to visiting me again in Montreal. I should’ve said something more. I should've called him because he clearly wasn’t being honest.

When I moved back home this summer thanks to COVID, something inside of me kept telling me to text him. If only I had texted him a couple of weeks earlier. If only I had reached out to him then. Maybe, this would’ve changed everything.

I always thought we would’ve found our way back into each others lives. I’ve played over a million scenarios in my head of how we’d be as close as we were back in high school. I even imagined the day I had the guts to tell him how much I’ve loved him and how long I loved him for. But now I’ll never get the chance.

I wish he saw how much he meant to me. How I’d smile when I see his name come up on my blackberry messenger with an incoming text. Or when he’d call me babe even though we weren’t dating. A friend who read over my shoulder used to laugh at me because the way we texted sounded cheesier and more in a relationship than my friend and her actual boyfriend. He always thought he was a ball of darkness, but he never knew how much light he brought into my life. To me, he’ll always be that kid we spent hours in Toys R Us sitting in children couches, hiding from the staff and talking about life. The goofy guy who photobombed a family at the CNE, and when the family saw, they just laughed because that’s just how charming he was. The guy who my parents picked up from his house to drive us to the movies and they even caught us, you behind me with your arms around me while we waited to be picked up (my mother immediately decided to have the birds and the bees talk with me the next day at a Swiss Chalet, thanks for that). And as we got older, we promised to marry each other if we were still single by 30, it was one of those promises we made to each other prompted by a silly rom com. But he didn’t even hesitate. He even agreed to have a skydiving wedding with me and say “I Do” in the air. He was the first person I told about this crazy sky diving onto an island wedding idea and like always, supported me even when I’m out of my mind. To me, he was perfect.

Right from the beginning he said to me “don’t fall in love with me”, at the time he had a few unfaithful relationships and a few toxic ones. He thought he wasn’t worth me loving him because he would ruin everything.

Well Carter Avery Benitez, from the day I stalked your Facebook after only meeting you for an evening at your ex girlfriends house and messaged you, desperately wanting to get to know you, there was no way I wouldn’t fall in love with you. You’ll always have a special place in my heart. June 13, 1994 - July 3, 2020, rest in paradise my love.

#rant #trigger: death #trigger: suicide

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blueboxshenanigans11 · 7 years

Text

Lost Pieces

Ten x Reader

Request: Anon: Hey, I was wondering if you could do a 10th doctor imagine with prompts 4, 13 and 14 with angst and a happy ending?

Here you are anon! So, so, so, SO sorry this is so late. I just finished the quarter so I’m doing some heavy catch up. Hope you enjoy! Thanks for your patience, it is more than much appreciated! Xoxo

Title:Lost Pieces

Word Count: 2,551

You walked at your usual brisk pace as the sun’s rays tickled your exposed skin on your face, arms, and legs. The smell of fresh cut grass dancing through the air as it hit your nostrils, and the familiar sound of some kids riding past on their bikes. It felt good to be outside and walking down the familiar streets of your hometown, smiling to those who gave you a wave or greeted you. You had almost let summer pass you by without even thinking about going outside, and you found yourself genuinely enjoying yourself.

You had been going through a rough patch to say the least. Ever since the Doctor and you had parted ways earlier that year, you had been struggling to maintain a regular routine. Your family who only consisted of your younger sister lived an ocean away and didn’t really know the extent of how or why you were such a hermit, and your friend group believed you when you told them you were just really into your work. In all actuality you had been hurt so deeply, it was debilitating. You wondered if that was how all break ups and endings were for other people, but you couldn’t fathom that the “normal” times it happens that it involved an alien who took you on amazing adventures through time and space. No. You needed the time you did to feel better, and now you were finally able to start moving on.

You had been out and about walking for quite a while. Went to a couple of shops and bought some groceries, a few new books, and a new cat toy for your cat, Paul. You giggled as you thought about your big, lazy orange cat, who had the most human name you could think of. He was probably staring out the window waiting for you to get home, or the wall depending what mood he was in. You turned onto the last corner to start walking down your street where you could see your flat right up the way. The familiar white bricks, with dark brown trimmings around the windows and door frame were too bold not to notice.

As you put your bags down to attempt to find your keys in your purse, the feeling of being watched slowly crept upon you. Your usual quick movements grew slower and slower as your ears began to ring, and the wind gave you a shiver. As you got your house key into the lock and the door opened, you turned around to look out past your yard into the street. The only things to greet you were the trees dancing in the wind, a few parked cars, and several different people going about their day not minding you whatsoever. You took a peak down the sides of your road which didn’t indicate much more than when you looked straight ahead as you picked your bags back up off your stoop. You finally decided it was just you watching too many ghost hunting shows as you shrugged off the eerie mood, and walked into the threshold of your home.

“Paulie!” You cooed as you placed your bags on your dining room table and began to look for the new treats you picked up for him. You looked over to where he usually sat if you were out, but he didn’t happen to be there. Next you had tried the bathroom, where he usually liked to sit by the heater but there was no sight of him. When you checked the final place you would think he would be before it became really unusual, yet he was still nowhere to be seen. “Paul!” You called out, now starting to look in non-familiar places around your flat. “Did someone come in and steal my fucking cat?” You asked out loud as you sat up from looking under your couch.

You were really starting to worry that something happened to him when a revelation hit you: “My book nook! That little shit.” You exclaimed, making your way to your little book room that used to be a half bedroom. Paul wasn’t supposed to be in there unless you allowed him to come cuddle with you on your big reading chair, mostly because he would try to knock down every book on your shelves. As you scurried down the hallway expecting to catch him in the act, your heart quickened in pace seeing that you had indeed forgotten to close the door all the way. “Shit, shit, shit, shit! PAUL!” You yelled through gritted teeth, and as you swung the door opened, sure enough he was in your antique chair. You were relieved you didn’t find him knocking down books, but then you noticed he wasn’t alone in the room. In fact, he was sitting on someone’s lap purring away. You yelped in fear, and took a book that was closest to you and threw it across the room, hitting the man that was sitting in your chair. “Ow!” “Who the hell are you!? Get out of my house!! And give me my cat!!” You screamed, rearing up another book ready to throw, “Y/N! Y/N! Stop! It’s me! Ow!” You had kept throwing your books, but then you froze and dropped the one that was ready to strike when you realized who’s voice it was that was speaking to you. “Doctor…?”

“Yes, Y/N, it’s just me. I’m sorry I didn’t mean to frighten you like that, I just was enthralled with this book I saw on your shelf about the history of art during the Reinassance and didn’t even hear you until you burst into the room. Paul seems to be just as good as ever, how are you?” He rambled on as you stood frozen to the floor. You heard his voice carry across the room and through your ears. You saw him sitting in the chair, stand up and slowly make his way across the room. You saw his familiar angels of his face, his deep brown eyes, and his styled dark brown hair. He didn’t look any different than the last time you saw him, yet you know it had been months since your last meeting. He had a genuine grin on his face as his eyes met your widened ones. That stupid fucking grin that even now made your heart melt. “Y/N? Are you feelin - OW!” The Doctor yelped again, as another book hit him with a thud and dropped to the floor. “What was that for? I told you it was me!” “Oh, I know it’s you.” You muttered almost silently. You were shaking with sadness, anger, excitement, and way too many other emotions mixed together, you felt like you were going to pop.

“Why?” You simply asked, awaiting a specific answer. He furrowed his brow, giving you a puzzled look but before he could speak you jumped in, “You know why I’m asking why. You know exactly what I’m referring to so you if you even dare say what do I mean, I will do far worse to you than throw a three-pound bloody book. So just fucking answer me in the simplest answer you can.” Your fists were clenched, and you couldn’t believe how hot your head had become in your anger. The Doctor just stood gaping at you, apparently not sure what he should or shouldn’t say. You scoffed, “Or don’t say anything. Walk out the door and don’t come back. I can still pretend that this is a dream, a – a vision. and just continue to do what I have been doing since you left, but don’t you dare think that you can just fly in and out of here whenever you fucking please and think I won’t be hurt about it!” You stood your ground, still not moving a muscle. You were afraid if you tried to move, it would result in you taking the Doctor in your arms and never letting go so he couldn’t leave again. In that moment, you realized you made the same mess about the room that you had been trying to stop Paul from doing, and you started to laugh. Your laughter quickly turned manic, and then switched right into hard sobs that made you crumple to the floor.

“Y/N…I’m so sorry…You know why I left…I’m back because I couldn’t bare being without you anymore.” “Oh so what, it’s been a minute for you, and almost year for me?” You shot through your hands as you wiped your face. “No! No, it has been longer than that. I traveled back to see you. I couldn’t go back to when I first left, but I…I just thought maybe after some time that the pain would have ceased and it would be okay to have a reconciliation.” A laugh escaped your lips and you looked past him as he sat down with you on the floor, afraid to touch you. “Today was the first day I felt normal enough to go outside. The first day I felt that I would be able to be back in the world like the normal human I am. I went to the store and got treats for Paulie, and some more books. Some about theatre, some just some novels. One’s a science fiction love story some stupid thing I thought might be an interesting quick read…” You didn’t know why you were telling him all this in grave detail, but it just was spilling out of you. It felt nice telling him everything again, but it was a habit you were surprised was so easy to fall back into. “God…What happened to us? We used to be so close…and now I feel like I’m telling a familiar stranger everything…” You pondered as you finally looked at him, and his face held pain in his eyes as he looked on at your pitiful, broken state.

You both sat on the floor in silence for a while, and it almost seemed like it all really could have been a dream. You were remembering the day he had left, and how much you wanted him to come back. You wanted him to come back even that very same day if you were being honest, but you didn’t expect it to hurt as much as it had. “You left because you were scared that somehow we would get hurt because we love each other…” You uttered, affirming your knowledge for the reasoning. The Doctor scooted closer to you, still keeping his distance. “I didn’t want anything to happen to you. I knew anyone who had the slightest dislike towards me would use you against me in any way they could and I couldn’t bare to lose you.” “You did lose me, Doctor. When you left me in that field outside of my parent’s house…I laid there for hours hoping you would come back. Hoping that it wasn’t real.” “I didn’t want it to be real either Y/N, I’ve lost so much…If I was going to lose you I wanted you to be safe, and home, and living.” “And if that meant you pushing me away and leaving without any trace, and it was on your terms then fine? You didn’t even care to ask me how I felt? Or think about what it would do to me? Just that you would be safe. Your feelings would be safe…” You both stared each other down, one waiting for the other to speak sweet nothings again, waiting to say it would be okay. But neither of you said a word.

“I missed you…” He professed, wringing his hands as his elbows rested on his knees. “You never really loved me did you?” You continued, your thoughts now not afraid to speak themselves through your voice. “Y/N!” He cried, and this time he didn’t care if you wanted to be touched or not, he pulled you into his chest. As his familiar smell and warmth hit your body, more tears fell from your eyes. He squeezed you so tightly you almost couldn’t breathe. You could hear his hearts beating just on the other side of your face as it was pressed against his chest. “No…no, no, no…I have always loved you…” He admitted softly into your hair. “I would check on you while I was away…I was away for three hundred years and it never got any easier when I would see you…Every time I would see you, I died. You were killing me and you didn’t even know it.” He declared, a small, nervous laugh escaping his body as he explained himself. “I don’t want to be away from you Y/N. I don’t know what that means to you, but I want us to be together again. Like we used to. Whether that’s here on Earth or traveling across the stars, I don’t care. I need you.”

He took your face in his hands and made you look him in the eyes to know that he was being genuine and meant every single word. You slowly reached your hand up to rest it on his, reassuring yourself that he really was there, and this was your Doctor. He had come back. He was here with you, and he wanted it that way, but you couldn’t help but feel the tug of reluctance in your mind. “I need you too Doctor. I’ve needed you…I – I want to stay with you, I always had. But…” You could feel his spirits drop as his hands dropped from your face and into your lap, but he never took his eyes off you. To make sure his mind wouldn’t wander, you cradled his cheeks with your hands, as you continued, “But it’s going to take some time for me. I can’t just jump back into the Tardis as if everything is okay. It’s not. I feel mixed up, and I was broken. I’m shattered right now, both in a good and bad way Doctor. I want you to help me put my pieces back together.” “Are you sure? I don’t want to hurt you again.” “Then don’t.” You whispered. You kissed his lips lightly, and as you pulled away, he cupped your cheeks again and wiped away your trail of tears. He tucked some of your H/C locks behind your ear before you both stood up and really embraced one another.

You led the Doctor to your room where you both laid down, intertwined with one another. “Don’t leave. Just stay with me.” You implored after you had settled. The Doctor held you tighter as to reassure you, “I won’t. Not until you’re ready for me to.” “Well that won’t happen.” He exhaled a little laugh, resting his head on top of yours. “Well, then until you’re ready to go with me.” He claimed, making a small grin lay on your face. You nodded as you felt yourself fading into sleep. You were stricken with tiredness after this emotional roller coaster that was surely not finished riding out its course, but with the Doctor with you again you felt that it wouldn’t be as terrifying to go through the rest of it. Your missing piece was back in your life, and you weren’t planning on losing him, or him losing you, ever again.

#blueboxshenanigans11 #doctor who #doctor who imagine #ten x reader #tenth doctor #imagine #request #doctor who x reader #doctor x reader

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justcallmesailor · 7 years

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May I please I have a Reign male ship please? I am a female, about 5'10 (sadly) with sickly pale skin (kinda goes with my weak immune system) with light blue, silvery eyes, and long dark red hair. I am told I'm kind, caring, selfless, a bit too ambitious, insecure and stubborn, but I will help anyone I can. I love reading, writing, and singing (musical theatre is my passion). I often put others before myself, which can effect me negatively but I care less. Thank you so much. I adore your writing

No problem. Also, thanks. I ship you with Bash! While he loves how selfless you are, it gets on his nerves sometimes. The combination of self-sacrificing tendencies and stubbornness the both of you exhibit often ends in lengthy “arguments” that mainly consist of who gets to actually sacrifice for the other. As soon as he find out you liked to write, he would constantly come up with crazy plots for you. Even though he knew you’d never use them, he enjoyed seeing the smile that would come to your face. He often leaves little notes in all of your favorite books, most of them cliche “love notes” of course.

How you two met:

You met Bash many years ago when you both were kids. Your parents had sent you to French Court in an attempt to keep you from getting sick. Before you had officially met, you watched him from afar with a small bit of jealousy. He was always outside, whether it was running around for fun or for the purpose of learning, and you almost never were.

Eventually, one of your lessons had to be outside. That was when you had your first conversation with him. It was quite an awkward conversation, really, because both of you were trying to let the other speak first. You wish you could say it was love at first sight but, alas, it was not. The two of you were like every other child at that age, you had no interest in the opposite gender. You didn’t actually become friends until he covered for you when you wanted to go with him outside on a sunny day.

As you grew older and grew closer, the feelings started to develop. At first it was small signs that you liked each other, such as him being mesmerized while hearing you sing for the first time or you getting jealous when watching him flirt with other girls. Your interactions with each other were “saucier” when the two of you realized had any feelings. Both sides remained oblivious even though you and Bash were flirting with each other. Everyone noticed before the two of you, mostly because you two were extremely insecure when it came to romance.

You continued like this for awhile. The flirting would increase from time to time, whether it was you or Bash touching the other more in whatever way you could (pushing hair out of the face, friendly smack on the arm, poking the other, etc.), suggestive jokes, or cheesy pick up lines.

Your first date:

It was another one of those many nights in French court that was filled with drama and parties. You had withdrawn into one of the various halls, needing some quiet from the constant problems everyone seemed to have. You had found that, since arriving, you had turned into a therapist for just about every person in the court. You couldn’t bring yourself to say no when people asked if you were able to spare some time for them, though, so you were always busy hearing about everybody’s superficial drama.

That was how you found yourself on an overly luxurious couch, late at night, reading one of your various books. As you went to turn the page, another hand came into your view and turned it for you. You glanced up and found yourself lost in an aquamarine gaze.

“Bash.” You smiled. “(Y/N). Do you mind if I join you?”

You shook your head and he sat down next to you. It was a comfortable silence as you read. You could sense that Bash was looking over your shoulder, reading along with you. You chuckled and paused reading, “Should I read aloud? You’re reading with me, anyways.” He smiled and nodded. You rolled your eyes, smiling slightly as well; you began to read quietly since no one else was there.

The pages started to fade together, your voice was working on autopilot now. This was mostly due to the arm resting on your shoulder and the hand in your hair. You stole a quick peek over at him only to find that he was currently staring at you. Both of you quickly looked at away and you knew that your face had a pink tint to it now.

“Ba-” “(Y/-” At nearly the same time, you two turned to the other and were about to speak up. You laughed and gestured to him, “You first.” He sighed, knowing that if he disagreed you’d be caught in a loop again, “Fine. I was simply wondering if um…if you..” You set down the book, “Well? Get on with it..” He suddenly gained a serious expression, “I was wondering if you have any feelings for me.”

Out of all the things he could’ve said right then, that was the last thing you expected. You were now caught like a fish out of water. What do you even say in response? Well, technically, you didn’t have to say anything. Thus, you nodded meekly.

An awkward moment fell between the two of you; you watched him, tense, and it appeared that he was fixated on looking at something outside the window. You frowned, “I’m sorry if I just messed things u-” It was impossible to finish that sentence because Bash suddenly turned and pressed his lips to yours. As you were trying to figure out what just happened, he pulled away slightly and murmured, “Good. I have feelings for you, as well.”

Who ships the two of you:

Francis does, of course. Seeing his brother happy makes him happy. He makes quite a few attempts to get to know you. You weren’t very good friends with Francis as a kid, seeing as most of your attention went to Bash, but you’re closer now that you’re essentially part of the family. Being with the king’s bastard child obviously draws attention to you but Francis makes sure to distinguish any rumors before they spread too far. He really doesn’t want to see the aftermath of any drama brought to you or Bash. Without your knowledge, many of your gifts are actually Francis’ idea because Bash is slightly clueless when it comes to you.

There you have it, folks! One of the first requests for the day. I’m trying to get everything in my drafts done (I currently have three more ships). Anything that arrives in my inbox will probably be at least a couple more days because I need to get my AP Language summer reading done. After three/four days it’s my own procrastination, though. Anyways, hope you enjoy reading this, as always!

#ship #ship request #reign #sebastian de poitiers

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theskyexists · 5 years

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series 10 finale

can i just say- that thing, that they do in series ten, that thing where

the universe rhymes and if you really listen, you can hear its music?

that’s some good shit

‘what does he call you? companions? pets? SH-nacks?’ god michelle gomez is just! so! good!

‘time lords are friends with each other dear, everything else is cradle-snatching’ pfftjlkdjsfkalkds she’s got perhaps...a point? (not really, but)

‘these are my disposables, exposition and comic relief’ FULJSDFJSDFJ MOFFAT YOU he really went there. HE REALLY WENT THERE HALJSDKD

‘we’re not functions’ ‘darling those are genders’

ok????? hahahahahaha

wow, doctor who meta dslafldk and then a dab

‘is this the emotion that you humans call...spanking?’

‘are you human’ ‘oh don’t be a bitch’ ljsdldsajlfjlkdf (moffat got so surprisingly woke that he knows exactly what he can have her say, damn. and michelle’s delivery what the hell so good hahaha)

oh no. no no no no. this is the moment she gets shot huh? what. no i. why do the Doctor’s companions in moffat’s era always die of being bravely stupid? (well..clara) like, not stupidly brave, but bravely stupid? i don’t like that narrative

why did Bill say that???? like i don’t get it.

jump in front of her??????? why. does he not stand in front of the damn gun?? why does he walk past it? why? dude?? now i understand why Thirteen keeps saying ‘STAY BEHIND ME, BEHIND ME’ always catching bombs to the face and shit.

those were some great flashbacks peppered in. ‘she scares me’ yeah well the Doctor was the one who fucked up here. he wasn’t fast enough. he didn’t reach hard enough for the right card in the pack.....but there was another time lord there - maybe she reached harder.

‘assumption!’ ‘deduction!’ ‘hope!’ ‘faith!’ ‘idiot!’ ‘always!’

this is the thing. like, the Doctor just lets her get shot and lets her get taken away - it’s barely believable.

yeah the crew went down, time dilation, they procreated, somehow they grew some shitty cybermen. (why does human society keep producing them?). YUP i called it.

365000 days, a hundred thousand years. yoikes. but if they have such fast lifts why is it a problem? and why go up to get the humans (yeah cybermen always wanna make more) i think knowing moffat we won’t really get an answer to these essential plot-driving questions

ohhh that’s chilling huh. makes you think they got some more anaesthetic but they’re still pressing the button - it just doesn’t make any noise any more.

but it’s hard to hear such pain.

and SUDDENLY, the theatre broadens - it seemed like just a part of the ship - narrow - but then we see the whole colony ship populated and a dystopia, this hospital just a building in a landscape. very cool.

How does the Doctor not realise that he hasn’t got TIME for explanations??? Bill is either dead or DYING RIGHT NOW BECAUSE HE’S WASTING TIME.

i do love this concept always have and it is executed well here - but look. the Doctor is written as very dumb to make it so.

‘how many more years’ YEARS????? oh my god. why does she close the window? interesting

fuckin bullshit. they never returned because time went slow for them. he KNOWS this, so why does he think it’s because the people were ‘weak’? he knows she came from command, that it’s possible to go up, because they took her! the conversion is only controlling her. so does she buy it? (I do like this guy, but he’s probably evil)

how has Bill remained SANE? years of this. years of this??? what an exceptionally resilient person.

yeah we’re not getting an explanation for why these people uh managed to go up and take her down huh? except ‘evil villain lied to everybody’ i think. oh well that can be satisfactory

wait. is he the master? is he the MASTER??? i mean i was considering it but.

he spent like 10 years living with Bill and it didn’t make a dent in his psychopathy hmmm. so the explanation is that the Master has taken over and wanted to fuck over the Doctor just for laughs. lol

why scarecrow them??? xD sometimes these aesthetics make zero sense in real life. do love how they went back to : look how these settlers went up to the solar farm! living a lovely life except they’re being attacked by cybermen.

so what im learning from moffat’s writing is - push your concept first thing you can - something incongruous - and something familiar to those familiar with the work.

woah that gloating wasn’t quite long enough for teh Doctor to have a win. i thought the Masters were having him on. (fascinating though, that he attributes the emergence of cybermen not to the Master’s presence but simply to the humans - and the Master’s responses prove him right. do feel like he messed with it all though...)

‘there’s only ever been one way to stop that many cybermen. me’ hmmmm hmmm, i always dislike the Doctor boasting like this. just pride. though i would welcome it for thirteen, just a couple of times.

‘i’m in two minds - fortunately the other one’s unconscious.’ hah

we gotta cut away from this because we don’t know how this unwieldy Bill cyberman got the Doctor into the ship.

The Master constantly veers between almost killing the Doctor and then kinda deciding not to because they’re having so much fun or caring about their complex relationship a bit too stupidly much. lotta storytelling packed into this ep, bit unwieldy.

great switch, making Bill look human again as we switch to her pov

where the FUCK did the Doctor get jelly babies

this is a beautiful scene, but also, goddamn, they made her into a cyberman and now she can’t be angry any more?? i mean that’s not very woke

they didn’t allow bill the opportunity to hit the Master?? AGAIN?? Bill should have been able to hit the Doctor AND the Master this season for the cruelty they showed her!!

I do think the Master is THE character for Moffat because all of the plot bullshit can be explained as: the Master is just that dramatic. like, why wait with Bill’s conversion until the pain part was developed and the Doctor would be coming down? could have converted her right there. and he only kept her around to rub it in the Doctor’s face. like all of that - somehow explained by what a particular person they are.

redirection, the cryptic, it’s one of the Doctor’s main tools for hope. the beyond, the in-between, that which we cannot yet know, may never know - that’s flux babey, that’s hope.

but ya can’t un-call the lifts? what. they won’t have ‘thousands’ of years if you run straight at the TARDIS.

so im not sure why they had time to build a weapon’s grade cyberman but not uh time to send lots and lots of them up?

AND NOW THEY’RE JUST GOING TO BURST THROUGH??? THE FUCKIN SHIP? xD ahahahaha why???

i do love how you SEE the Master use make-up while male. fuck gender roles! I do love the Masters’ dynamics hahaha

the Doctor always makes time for fuckin - explanations. the cybermen are coming up but WHATEVER!

that Master on Master kill was honestly hella tender and i loved it.

‘can’t find the words’

Bill was glad that her space granddad knew she was a lesbian- ha. somehow that....how did Moffat write that? seems uniquely gay but maybe he’s just drawing on - yeah gotta make sure that this time it is NOT read as romance.

NOOOOOO!!!!!! NO!!!!! MISSY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so...are they just not evacuating teh adults? like was it so hard to get them adult actors in the shot a few times too??? like wtf these kids aren’t like: MY PARENTS!!! before they blow it up? before the blow up a WHOLE countryside?

he didn’t get blown to pieces? fuckin bullshit lol

but BILL survived? enough to walk. I KNOW it’s for drama but it’s just lol

ok but Heather is SO CUTE HOLY FUCKIN SHIT. i don;t understand how this freak of sentient oil puddle got to create an immortal ethereal being - but WHAT EVS. (I can pilot anything, even you. what a come on lol)

where there’s tears, there’s hope, yes but you also gave him a tear huh, as a puddle-being, so you can track him hmmm

all the flashbacks to modern companions!!! i loved that!

i actually think the christmas special kind of ruins this real good finale!

i am gonna miss Missy, Michell Gomez did something truly incredible there. but i also liked the return of Simm!Master, and i loved their chemistry.

anyway i genuinely think this was a good finale. very complex, and very moffat. but mostly his strong writing, very little of his shitty tics.

GOOD STUFF!!

meanwhile cybermen are still coming up the colony ship converting people on every deck though, so that’s unfortunate.

#dsflkdjs #jsdlabjkd #jdskafjd #jdsafj #djsfakjd #jdskajd #jdkajdl #dw #my stuff #personal #i watched

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africanfilmny · 7 years

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The Way Of Grace: In Conversation With Playwright Tarell Alvin McCraney

By Natasha Nyanin

Read this article and other arts & culture pieces like these on her blog, The Ecstatic Flash.

Photo: Tarell McCraney, 2013 MacArthur Fellow

I had been waiting for thirty minutes, fidgeting with my phone in fear he would not show. I was seated in Joe, a coffee shop in downtown Manhattan, waiting to meet with the playwright that New York Time’s theatre critic, Ben Brantley, describes as “extravagantly gifted”, Tarell Alvin McCraney. Surely the man senses must have seized him and caused him to realize he can’t devote an hour to the three readers of The Ecstatic Flash in the melée of previews of the New York debut of his play, right?

McCraney may be a MacArthur-Genius-Grant-receiving, Doris-Duke-Award-winning tour de force, but he is above all a gracious and graceful human being: he was simply running late because he’d gone the wrong way. It says a lot about his temperament that he carved almost an hour to sit and chat with me about his life while the production of his play, Head of Passes, starring Phylicia Rashad was in the throes of previews. Show up he did, if a fitted maroon sweater, with chambray collar peaking out just so from beneath the crew-neck, topped with a pristine pea coat in very civilized navy.

Head of Passes, directed by frequent McCraney collaborator, Tina Landau, is currently running at The Public Theatre in New York (March 28th – April 24th, 2016). NYT’s Brantley rightly raved about the production and the “surprises [it has] in store — and not just of plot but of tone and structure that make the patience-taxing conventions of the first act worth sitting through”. The play, inspired by the book of Job, is a rumination on tribulation as lived through a matriarch, Shelah (played by with impassioned yet meditative vivacity by Rashad), and her gallant grappling with grace as life literally caves in around her.

McCraney is himself no stranger to trial or to grace. Initially laconic in his responses, the immaculately-dressed gentleman’s paucity of words at the beginning of our interaction gave way to a flow of inspiring personal truths and stories about art, creativity, self-doubt, faith and the way of grace.

TEF: So tell me, who is Tarell Alvin McCraney

Tarrell Alvin Mcraney: [Laughs]. I have no idea. All I know is that I was born in Miami. I grew up in New York, sometimes LA, sometimes in Chicago, a few times in London. Yea. I write plays. I do that, and I teach at the university of Miami

What do you teach at the university of Miami?

Playwriting. It’s mad simple. Acting too sometimes.

Do you act at all?

Not anymore.

What’s your educational background?

I went to a performing arts high school and I then went to undergrad at [The Theatre School at] DePaul University. I majored in acting.

Was performing arts high school your parents idea?

No, no: it was my idea.

Really? So have you always existed in a creative space and identified as a creative person?

Oh yea, yea, yea. Someone asked me the other day, when did you start working? When did you start performing?” I was like “That’s a really tricky question!” My earliest memories are of performing, since 5 years old. Even though I did not grow up in wealthy family —in fact I grew up in the opposite of a wealthy family; I grew up in a pretty impoverished family (particularly on my mothers side)—somehow I was still able to eke out a really practical education in the arts.

That’s particularly interesting given that notion that the arts— the classical arts— are indulged in and enjoyed by people of privilege.

It is, and understandably so. Although, it’s a privilege that we all need to be afforded, it is a privilege. In terms of what parents think of as necessary for children, we know [the arts don’t] provide any needs: it doesn’t feed your kids, it doesn’t make sure that they have shelter. But, it’s a need in terms of their imagination and their growth as human beings: its necessary. Somehow, I got a really great education in the arts. Mostly because there were a lot of social contracts that I sort of wandered myself into as a kid.

Given your great education it the arts, I imagined you dabbled in more than theatre in your youth. What other modalities of art were you involved in growing up?

We had all kinds of classes. I was acting always. At about 14, my mother was in rehab, and in the rehabilitation center there was a new director of prevention for students and in that program they wanted to do theatre outreach. So, this new director who had studied avant-garde theatre started a guerilla theatre group of students who would go into the community and do agitprop or preventative theatre. And it was a crazy experience because he was teaching us things he had just learned. He was showing us Augusto Boal, and Peter Brook, and Jerzy Grotowsky. It doesn’t sound profound but when you are teaching it to 13 or 14 year olds who come from the inner city…

By the time I got to undergrad, they were like, here is this thing you’ve probably never heard of”and I was like, oh I’ve done this! I’ve heard this! “ [This exposure] coupled with the fact that I did go to a performing arts high school where I was learning Stanislavsky and Chekov, it was just really well-versed education. I also started learning dance there. I had to take singing unfortunately. We had to take visual arts courses. By the time I got to undergrad, I had had a really solid base. And in undergrad I would still take dance classes outside of school, learn religious arts, and then take the conservatory program at the Goodwin School of Theatre at Depaul. And then when I left DePaul, I decided I wanted to focus on playwriting specifically. It was the one thing I felt like I didn’t have a formal enough education in. In the summers I would come here [to New York] and study at the Ailey School, dancing.

Are you still dancing at all?

I take class. I wouldn’t consider myself a dancer but yea, I do take class.

It’s brilliant that you make time to take class with your hectic schedule.

It rarely happens. It happened more so when I first started rehearsal [for Head of Passes].

Do you find that there is in any crossover between your dance education and your work as a playwright?

Absolutely. Absolutely. I am only interested in what the bodies can do in space and sometimes…my plays are more structured like ballets than they are plays. I probably see more dance than I do theatre. I am sure some people are like “I wish he would see more plays.”

Is that shade to yourself?

I just know people who feel that the structure of plays should be in a very well made a b c order but something about dance feels more organic in storytelling. There is a something more naked in it.

I suppose in any art form there is the technique and structure right? One of the most profound things I recall one of my dance professors saying is you study technique so you can break free of it. So that you have that backbone that you can do whatever you want…

Yes that! But also, form and content crossover. What’s interesting is that we often try and silo what works in [one art form versus another]. So, you would, say, never try to make a Pointillism play. But that is not true. If you look at Brecht’s work or any other playwrights that wants to take moments that are really small and intimate and pick them apart so that when you stand back from them, [it is evident that form can crossover] and that it a worthy practice. So, just because the divertissement is [a feature of] ballet doesn’t mean it can’t exist in other forms [of art].

What inspires you to create?

It is very difficult to pinpoint. Inspiration is all around. You walk down the street and the way the sunlight hits a tree… The important thing about inspiration to is to grab it, feed it, and grow it. It’s difficult with busy schedules. Sometimes you are like, “Wait! Wait! Wait! I have to finish this first”

I know, rright? You want to scream “Holllllld! Why are you coming now? Where were you last week when I had nothing going on?

Exactly! [Laughs]. “Hollld” is a very good way to put it.

What is a your process like when you are writing a play?

I am always writing a play. It may not be on the page but I am always writing a play. You kind of just let things build around it—at least I do—I let things build about in my mind until I am like, “ok, I have to get this out. “ That normally happens when I know what the ending of the play is. You’ll just keep writing and writing and looking for it and I know won’t find it unless I already know it. Maybe I am just lazy, because it is exhausting in my head to seek where the piece is going, so the best way to get there is to know that’s what we are after so I can just fill in the blanks. When the imagination has filled the world , I can put it down; its difficult for me to fill the world on the page. My hand is not faster than the world that is being created at the same time.

What’s your favourite part about the playwriting process?

Collaboration. Its also the most nauseating [aspect] because you never know who you are actually collaborating with until its too late sometimes. You don’t know if someone is as eager to give in to process as you are or in what way they give in. People come to the table differently. It is thrilling. I am working with Phylicia Rashad now and I have never worked with someone who is just so generous and so hungry. In terms of how quickly she takes the information and runs with it, its just stunning.

I have worked with Tina Landau, [the director of Head of Passes], for a long time. We come from different backgrounds in terms of theatre,. She will tell you she grew up seeing Broadway shows with her family (her parents were in the industry). What is interesting is that we have very similar ways of working around the work. We are very courteous and kind of all in. But I’m also very much like oh, Tina is working so I can sit back now,” There’s a certain kind of protocol —a protocol that is organic — between us. We understand how we each need to work and have room for that. So that’s my favourite part: I like working with people

What’s your least favourite part?

My least favourite part is people trying to fix something about the work but not having any idea [how to fix it]. You are more than welcome not to like something, but if you are coming to me as the writer to say, “oh I didn’t like that”or “you need to fix it”, then let’s talk it through but people just sort of walk away. And so now what was the point? My feelings are hurt and nothing constructive came of this.

Do you think there is any such thing as constructive criticism?

Absolutely. Absolutely. I believe in it completely because. When people love something or have found their way into something, even if they don’t enjoy it per se, there is a way to say I wanted to be invited into this work like this or like that. One of my weak areas is visual art, I would say. I have a very crude understanding of visual art. I would see something and say “oh that’s nice” and move on. I am still learning how to take pieces in and how the gaze of visual art works but in that, even when I am not understanding something, I am there for the learning experience. I am there for “oh you are not taking this piece in correctly”, or “you walked away too fast. No, no, no stand here”. I am interested in that conversation. I think all art—especially by living artists—is living and so it is important that we live in it , that we handle it in different ways and that it affects us in different ways.

Switching gears a bit, let’s talk about Writer’s Block. Do you believe in it?

Sure. I believe writers get it. I certainly believe that there are times where you don’t know the answer to something. I have never had a paralyzing moment where I didn’t have anything to write: that I have never experienced. I am sure it happens but again, even if it may not be good, there is always something to write about. But I understand more the fear of people. There is a gripping fear people nurse, trying to write the best next something or other and I get that fear totally, but again, I’ve never had a moment where I have never had anything to write.

I find that to be really admirable advice. Another writer friend of mine mentioned a story about Dr. Dre. It was something to the effect of his secret to success is that he works everyday. It’s not always good work, but he works everyday nonetheless. And I believe it’s Isabelle Allende who said show up, show up, show up and eventually the muse shows up too.”…

Yea. Suzan Lori Parks says the same thing: just write until the end. I can’t remember the exact quote but Athol Fugard says the biggest censor in his life was not any government trying to stop his work but the time he had a fear of putting the pen to the page. He just stopped himself and he lost volumes of work that way.

Story of my life.

We all live there, don’t worry. We all are in that terrible, terrible state together

Do you ever have feelings of self-doubt?

All the time. I have to go to therapy. I am extraordinary self-deprecating.; I doubt myself constantly. What I don’t doubt is that these stories are compelling, because I didn’t make them. There are no new stories anywhere. We have just been telling the same 26,32,28 stories all over the world in varying degrees. I also know that I usually don’t get to sit down to the page unless it feels like this is necessary. And I know that even if I get it out and it doesn’t work out in the way that I wanted it to, that’s not the point, the point is to get it out. And as I have seen with all of my work, somebody always doesn’t like it.

Speaking of not being able to please everybody, do you believe that how good something is can be measured by a set of codified parameters (i.e. that beauty is not a subjective determination.)

It’s complicated. We see it all the time with people’s idea of beauty and shifting what they find beautiful with time. I do think that there is a universality in the human condition that opens people’s understanding just a crack and as such they are able to let in more experiences; you know, that saying about making the familiar foreign or the foreign familiar. I am a Libra so unfortunately I’m ruled by Venus so beauty is a thing [I can separate from liking]. My friends get mad at me all the time because we will notice somebody who is really a not niece person. And I’m like “Yeah, they are not nice. They are beautiful, but they are not nice.” And they are like, ”Why do you keep saying that? They are not beautiful if they are not nice,” and I’m like “that doesn’t make any difference. They are physically appealing…I can’t turn that off. I’ve seen some really gorgeous or incredible pieces that I felt were not really great but found something about it that is appealing. So I don’t have that filter but I know some people do.

Do you have any favourite playwrights or plays?

I like the red letter plays but Suzan-Lori Parkes: Fucking A, In the blood . I don’t now if I have a favourite. If you go through the canons of people’s works, there are lots where I can go, I love that play, I love that play, I love that play. I don’t know if there is one I return to over and over again. I am sort of obsessed wit the Scottish play at present and Julius Caesar. I don’t know why.

I was very much obsessed with Julius Ceasar when I was in the 9th grade. I don’t know why either. I am always obsessed with the Scottish Play. You worked with the Royal Shakespeare Company, did you not? What was that experience like?

It was an experience. I learned a lot. I was happy a lot. I was sad a lot. I was mad a lot. It was a life. It really does feel like a life, but one I would not trade for anything. I wish I had…gotten to know more people. I walked away with a few relationships there or from there. This guy named Tunji Kasim is one of my close friends and I love him to death. Michael Boyd: he was the former artistic director and I still adore him. Otherwise, I don’t have a lot of relationships there, mostly because many of those people left to be fair. For instance Jeanie O’hare became the head of Yale playwriting and then a guy named Jeremy who was producer there actually came to the Public [Theatre]. Anyway, the relationships there weren’t as strong as I would like or as I have had at other theatres but as for the impact of it, I can only pretend to guess what it will do and what it has done. I still think about moments and think, “ohhh now I know what that means.

And now your play, Head of Passes, is opening on the 28th of April at The Public. Tell me a bit about that.

Head of Passes was a commission from the Steppenwolf [theatre] and this production is a co-production between Berkley and The Public theatre, which has supported my work since before I was out of grad school, which has been incredible. It is a play that was inspired by the book of job. It takes place in the Head of Passes which as an area just south of Louisiana where the Mississippi river pours out in to the Golf of Mexico, on a slice of land which is shifting as we speak. It takes place on the night of Shelah’s birthday. She is not doing well and wants to gather her family to talk it through. A storm hits and the events of the night unfold. The play is dedicated to my grandmothers because it is a portrait—for lack of a better word—of how I have seen them engaged in faith especially when life’s perils hit. Its an and hour and forty minute piece and we are doing the best we can with it. I am really proud of it in a lot of ways; its terrifying in a lot of a ways. There are questions I don’t know the answer to.

McCraney’s Head of Passes, directed by Tina Landau & starring Phylicia Rashad

Are you a man of faith yourself?

I am. I wrestle with faith. I don’t know how faith can be a stagnant thing. Life is changing in all the time. Your belief in things and the world around you has to shift a little. You try to be steadfast on something and then the ground underneath you slips and goes and then what do you believe in?

Is faith a constant theme in your work?

Yes.

Both your grandmothers are named Grace. It’s a beautiful coincidence.

It’s amazng. Also both my grandfathers are named Alvin. So I carry the name Alvin because it’s a family name from both sides. So there is Grace and Grace and there is Alvin and Alvin, which is strange.

How would you define grace?

When I was taught the word grace it was the notion of grace of god: this ability to, no matter what, give to people to be generous to people, to have love for them no matter what . [Grace may] translate differently when we think about stature and physical presence. I have been called graceful all my life but I don’t find anything generous about my movement. I am shy so I constrict myself most of the time. But there is a pervading grace that we find within ourselves that is about space…I don’t know how to describe it…but allowing people into space. I was on the train coming down here and someone was taking up a lot of space and realized that they were doing so and so they moved in this way that was not perceptible, but they just moved so that people could come around them. That to me is graceful. That’s full of grace: the ability to just sort of allow and be and understand that I have my space but I am also going to allow us to be here together. I am not finding a clear definition

That is quite clear. The word “allowing” is quite poignant. In the film The Book of Life there is the line where he says there is “the way of nature and the way of grace.” I think of grace as accepting and allowing things, especially adversity, to also have their space.

Right. Because we have this ability to consciously fight and go against. In a way Consciousness in itself can be a way of going against. The fact that you know that there is sugar there already is identifying it, trying to hold it, trying to put parameters around it. But then, there is a way to use that consciousness to just allow the sugar to be there.

Precisely. “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so,” right? (Alluding to Hamlet)

Yea. Absolutely. That’s great. That’s exactly it.

You are in previews now with Head of Passes, you open next week and then what’s next in your world?

Oh my god. I am going home. I am going back to my students. I am starting a summer program for young women of colour in the neighbourhood I grew up in my city. It’s a leadership program where they can come and do a 10 week course in theatre arts, experiencing what it is like to run their own theatre company . We have a terrible inequitable situation in the arts where there are not a lot of women, especially women of colour, in leadership positions and because of that, we don’t see a lot of representation of women of colour in the arts and so for me its about using my position to provide them with the accessibility and the experience to be able to practice so that when they do go off to college and out into the world they will have this under their belt.

Do you have any advice for up and coming playwrights or people interested in a careers in the arts?

Invest in your craft. have a friend who says all the time that if he could just put a little stage in the back of his house and do plays for 10 people or 5 people to come in and sustain that life, he would be very happy. I believe that you have to know what your little stage is. You have to know what your base minimum happy is in the arts because if you don’t, people will snatch it from you all the time. If your happiness is “I would like to be the next Will Smith, then do that. But, if its also, “I would also like to make a sculpture and put it on the corner and have people look at it, “ then know that, and invest in that because that is what is going to feed you…nothing else will.

Do you believe that as an artist you have to sell out–even a little– in order to be successful?

No. No because you define your own success. When my friend talks about putting up a little platform up in his backyard, I’m like, “dude I totally want to write plays for that space. Let’s DO IT.”I enjoy working with people in various ways. When I was 14, we were doing plays for people in halfway houses and I was like: THIS IS SUCCESS. Those were and are some of the best times of my life and I felt successful.

What is the proudest moment of your career?

There are many: working with the young people that I worked with in Choir Boy; seeing some of the people I have taught come see and my plays and be moved in certain ways; the collaborations…as well as many disappointments. But the disappointments always felt like learning opportunities whereas when you get too congratulatory sometimes you forget what you were supposed to learn from the experience. I am always like, “where is the growth in this?

A Production of McCraney’s “Choir Boy”

As my yoga teacher, Kquvien, puts it don’t exist too much in the euphoria or in the sadness and fear. Be aware but don’t cling to it.

For sure. If you hold on to something, nothing can get in our out. Your hand is tight so even if you want more, you couldn’t get it. You have to let go first.

And so it is that Tarell continues to carve space for himself among the pantheon of American playwrights of our time: like Rumi’s “Birdwings”, with an unclenched fist, he is gracefully giving of his talents, accepting grace from the universe and allowing the dynamic equilibrium of existence in general (and creativity specifically) to sort itself out.

#tarell alvin mccraney #moonlight #phylicia rashad

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metalindex-hu · 3 years

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„The crazier it was, the more we liked it!”

„The crazier it was, the more we liked it!” - https://metalindex.hu/2021/06/01/the-crazier-it-was-the-more-we-liked-it/ -

Guitarist Bob Clic recalls the story of Murder and the early days of Bay Area Thrash Metal

When the Bay Area started to emerge, there was no Thrash or Speed Metal. It was Hard Rock, Heavy Metal. Back in those days, the Bay Area bands were mostly influenced by the N.W.O.B.H.M., but tried to create their own style and sound. One of the earliest Bay Area outfits was Murder, and former guitarist Bob Clic told us the history of the band.

Bob, do you still remember at which point you started showing an interest in music and in Hard Rock/Heavy Metal particularly?

I got into music as a little kid. Top Ten Radio in the early 60’s had a lot of good bands mixed in with whatever else. I got into heavy music whenever I first heard it I think, garage rock, Count 5, Yardbirds.

What were your very first faves to start with?

Cream, Blue Cheer, Jimi Hendrix. Blue Cheer especially.

How did you end up becoming a musician? When did you first start learning to play an instrument and which instrument was it?

I started playing guitar in 1965. I was 9 years old. I had older brothers who bought rock records. They were a big influence, the records they had.

Were you self-taught or did you regularly take lessons?

I took folk music lessons. I learned old timey Carter family stuff and American folk songs until I could play decent. My parents insisted I learn to play a couple years before they hired one of the guys from the high school to give me rock lessons. He taught me to learn pretty much anything off of records. He taught me to teach myself. It was good for me.

When did you decide to be part of a band?

I always wanted to be in a band. It just didn’t really happen until much later. In the 70’s when punk rock started.

What about the Bay Area scene as a whole? How did it come into being? How did it start taking its shape?

I don’t know, maybe around the time Motörhead came to town? After that SF had what seemed like a pretty thriving young metal scene at that time I was still playing punk rock in the Lewd and Kurdt Vanderhoof was trying to start that first version of Metal Church and he and I and a few others went to the Anvil Chorus practice room and jammed on some songs we were making up that night. We called it Murder. This was in 1980. Kurdt moved back to Washington so I got other guys and put a band together, eventually leaving The Lewd to just play in Murder.

Murder (l-r): Tom Wilsey, JU, Carl Sacco and Bob Clic

Were Exodus, Leviathan/Anvil Chorus, Vicious Rumors, Metal Church, Control, Sinister Savage/Griffin, Blind Illusion, EZ-Street, Agents of Misfortune, Trauma, Murder etc. those bands that were popping up at the same time and started everything? Did they belong to the first wave of Bay Area metal?

Yes, I saw most of those bands. We knew the guys from Leviathan, pre Anvil Chorus. They used to visit the Lewd house and are still friends. Ha, those guys liked punk rock and saw all the great punk bands back before they were old enough to drink. When we got Murder going at first there was a bigger division between the punk and metal bands. We mostly played with punk bands because metal wasn’t really very thrashy or punk fueled yet. The punk/metal uneasy friendship hadn’t taken root yet except for a few of us. But right from the first night we knew Murder was playing punk/metal. You couldn’t call it anything else really. We came from the other end, we had the punk power already, we just added what we liked from Heavy Metal into what we already knew.

Do you agree with the notion that the earliest documented roots of the Bay Area thrash scene date back to the formation of Exodus in 1980?

Well, to me Exodus weren’t very thrashing at first, they started out with more of a N.W.O.B.H.M. sound. Judas Priest and Scorpions were a big influence on all the earliest SF metal bands. Not until Metallica came and played. After Metallica came it was like the local bands realized it was ok to speed it up and they started adding that thrash sound.

Do you think, that the Bay Area thrash scene might not have had the media attention L.A.’s glam scene received?

The Bay Area did ok, several of them became huge bands. But no, you can’t beat LA when it comes to promoting a bunch of crap bands. They had MTV.

Would you say that Rampage Radio, created by KUSF DJs Ron Quintana, Ian Kallen and Howie Klein, and has been assaulting the airwaves with metal on a weekly basis ever since its official birth on Sunday, March 6th, 1982, played also an important role in the Bay Area scene?

Totally! Yes, Ron Quintana especially really helped it form and was like a spiritual center for the scene. He turned everybody on to something, some band they never heard or rare live recordings. He knows more about this stuff than anyone.

Do you recall one of the very first fanzines Metal Mania, that was done also by Ron Quintana?

Yes, of course. I still have several early issues stashed away in my old stuff!

What can you tell us about the club scene? What were the first clubs that started opening their doors for Hard Rock/Heavy Metal?

Well, the punk clubs and bookers were pretty open to having metal bands play. The Mabuhay Gardens had metal bands mixed in and gave them metal nights. Also clubs like the Stone, Old Waldorf and Ruthies most of those bands you are talking about grew too big to play those clubs within 3 or 4 years.

What do you think about the idea that Metallica’s move to the Bay Area was an important step? In your opinion, were they the fastest, rawest and most brutal band at this point?

Yes, it was super important. Like I said, Metallica showed a direction and brought another piece of what would become the Thrash Metal sound. Bands had already starting absorbing the British and European N.W.O.B.H.M. sound and they added the thrash rhythms and ran with it. They wouldn’t have done that without Metallica.

In the early 80’s, more and more heavy metal bands started popping up in the Bay Area, such as Mordred, Ruffians, Death Angel, Laaz Rockit, Warning, Legacy, Ulysses Siren, Havoc, Assassin etc.? What were your views on the scene at this point?

It was predictable actually. The same thing happened in the punk scene: there were so many bands that took their inspiration from the exact same places. Bands end up with similar looks, sounds and attitudes. They still do that.

Is it correct, that Kurt Vanderhoof, bassist for the Lewd originated the basic concept for Murder and wrote two songs (The Butcher, Cease to Exist) before leaving the Lewd to eventually form Metal Church and he passed these songs onto you?

Yea, I think there were five or six songs that Kurdt wrote that we played then. When he left and I decided to continue it those two songs are the ones Nyna wrote words for.

You approached bassist and long-time friend Ed Ju MacNeill (Fuck-Ups, Legionnaires Disease) with the concept of a Heavy Metal band doing songs about serial killers, maniacs ect., shared Kurt’s two songs and conceptualized a splatter rock band and together wrote a set of songs in that genre. Where did this idea come from?

Growing up watching horror movies! At that time I worked in a movie theatre on Market St in SF and Ju and I and Danny loved that stuff. The crazier it was, the more we liked it!

By the way, did you desired writing originals or were you mostly jamming on covers?

In the time that Murder was together we only played two cover songs, Second Time Around by Blue Cheer and Hot Smoke and Sassafras by the Bubble Puppy.

Drummer and graphic artist, Danny Dui (Flyin’ Fucking A-Heads) was then added and he supplied poster art and the blood dripping Murder logo, while Nyna Crawford (VKTMS – R.I.P.) joined the band as a singer. How did they get in the picture exactly?

Well, Danny was involved right from the start, he thought up the name! We knew him from the punk scene, he came from Hawaii with a punk band called The Uptights and befriended the Lewd. He was a long time roadie and artist for us and other bands around town. Nyna I knew from The VKTMS and she left that band about a month before I left the Lewd. A very important friend suggested I go see what Nyna was up to. She wanted to play louder and faster so it seemed like a good idea. Unfortunately she and Ju had previously been going out together and putting them both in the same band was a stupid idea! They hated each other at the end.

A single was then recorded with Murder and Chainsaw Love (Slight Return). What do you recall of the recording sessions?

We played a benefit for Ginger Coyotes Punk Globe and Ginger was able to gift us some free recording time at Hyde Street Studios, one of the big time studios in town. I mostly remember that I daisy chained five complete amp rigs in that big room, one of them was a Sony reel to reel tape recorder with those speakers that become the lid for the recorder. That was mic-ed up in an isolation booth. No distortion pedals, just a wahwah. The engineer combined those amps all into one overloaded guitar sound.

How would you describe the material? How did it sound like?

Punk metal. Loud and fast with plenty of guitar!

Did you shop it around to attract labels’ interests?

No, we used the tape to get gigs I think. I gave it to Ron Quintana of course. I don’t recall if any of us even talked about record labels back then. We assumed what we were doing was underground it would stay that way. We figured if we got a record out it would be because someone we knew did it from their living room, not a big label.

Have you regularly gigged in those times? How about your performances?

We played once a month or so.

Is it true, that Ju designed macabre stage sets, choreographed the lighting, smoke, dry ice and pyro for the live stage shows and live skits with various beautiful women being butchered were added?

Yes, we had no budget, but we had lots of imagination! We had a full guillotine, and several fake corpses onstage and behind things. On our final live show our singer shot the guy who introduced the band as “America’s Favorite Sport – Murder”. That guy had condoms filled with blood and firecrackers under his shirt front so the folks up front all got blood splatter in their faces! At the end Ju and I slit our girlfriends throats and dragged them backstage. We had a song called Abduction, about kidnapping and torturing a beautiful girl on her wedding night, so our friend Shoshana allowed our singer Tom to rip her guts out.

Did it help fill the venues?

No. Probably not! I think it would have if we kept going. Our best show was our last show.

Was your goal to appeal to the audience? Did it cause a lot of harm for the band? The crowds were titillated by the backdrop of eerie atmospherics and the music, weren’t they?

Well, our audience was made up of our friends from both the punk and metal scenes. They all grew up watching horror movies, too. I know people who saved and probably still have bloody souvenirs from our shows.

At which point did Danny leave the band and was replaced by Carl Sacco (Metal Church, Heathen later on)? Was he your first choice becoming the new drummer?

Danny pawned his drums one time too many. He’s my good friend still after all these years, but we couldn’t count on him then. Our next drummer was my friend Harley Flanagan from the Stimulators and Cro-Mags. He came out to Ca, when he was 15 and played with us for about two weeks or so. He was young and wild and he was out rambling…. our perfect drummer. I was sad when he left town. Harley and I stay in touch, he sends me his new recordings…. very heavy and also very good I think. After Harley we got Carl.

There was another line-up change, when Nyna left after a while, because the shear volume of the band was corrupting her voice and Tom Wilsey was then added as front man…

Yes, she had trouble with the volume, and we weren’t very sensible. She was right, but you know how it is, louder is better! You gotta remember that amps and foot pedals and guitarists rigs were different back then. Things didn’t work the way they were supposed to. You had to turn amps up loud to get them to sound cool. Now it’s easy. Anyone can sound heavy with whatever modern amp they find and just thinking about which distortion pedal to use gives me a headache! I prefer the old ways. Get a big old amp and turn it up. When Nyna left we regrouped, got Tom Wilsey to sing and that was when we kinda got focused. His lyrics were all about murder.

Several songs were recorded in the studio; what were those ones and did you evolve compared to the demo? Did your style somewhat change?

We recorded some songs for a demo at The Vats, a punk rock squat in an abandoned beer company. Like I say, we got more focused as a band, what we wanted to sound and look like. I prefer that lineup.

Nothing was released from the band except the aforementioned single. What were the reasons for it?

We just weren’t music business oriented. When people start talking to me about record labels I just tune it out. We wanted to play music, we didn’t really think about much else. I’m still that way, my relationship with music doesn’t involve “business” in any way.

Finally the band dissolved during a dormant period as you rejoined the more active Lewd, and Carl Sacco joined Heathen, while Nyna later joined Smashed Weekend, reunited VKTMS in 1995, and passed away of ovarian cancer in 2000. What can you tell us about it?

I didn’t rejoin The Lewd until 1998! After Murder I started another metal band called Die Seiger, we played shows with Metallica, Slayer, even Spinal Tap! By the end of the 80’s I was done with it though. I took a year where I just went to work everyday and let my guitar strings rust. No playing at all. I needed a break. During that time I started buying records that I remembered loving as a kid, the bands that got me into playing guitar. I dug deeply into 60’s blues rock, Peter Green, Savoy Brown. I sort of rediscovered my guitar, dusted it off and since then I’ve pretty much ignored all the heavy groups and punk bands I used to like.

In the mid 80’s there was a kind of Thrash Metal boom in the Bay Area, more and more new outfits appeared on the scene, such as Forbidden Evil/Forbidden, Heathen, Death Penalty (later known as Vio-lence), Defiance, Redrum, Sentinel Beast, Führer, Mercenary, Desecration, Epidemic, Sacrilege B. C., Betrayel, Sadus etc. How did you find this movement? Were they the second generation of Thrash Metal?

Yea, some of the second gen thrash bands really got that sound, like a whirling dervish of hardcore rhythm. It’s pretty impressive sounding when it’s done right!

A lot of musicians crossed their ways since they played in several groups, correct?

Well, yes, like Carl Sacco: he was in The Lewd, Murder and Die Seiger with me before going on to Heathen. We all ran in the same circles socially. Sometimes it was easier to call someone you already know is weak in some way and try to work around it, auditioning new musicians is hell on earth.

Do you think that it was an exciting period, but the scene became oversaturated later on?

It did for me. I love aggressive music, I’ve played in a lot of bands that were aggressive sounding. But jeese, it’s not the ONLY thing. However I lived through periods of really great music, and without a doubt I saw the best of the punk bands and the best of metal at that time. It doesn’t interest me much anymore, but I still love the Blue Cheer and Black Sabbath I grew up with.

Compared to the New York or Los Angeles-based thrash bands, the Bay Area ones were more melodic, technical, had a tight rhythm section, catchy riffs, killer solos and often sing along choruses. Do you agree with it?

I don’t really know. Probably.

Were the Bay Area bands easily distinguishable from each other in terms of songwriting, producing, sound etc.? Did all of them have an own/unique music, style, sound etc.?

The ones that got bigger like Exodus and Metallica each had something unique. Those guys were inspired by early classic heavy rock and the N.W.O.B.H.M.. The next generations of bands after that were often inspired by Exodus and Metallica. So things start sounding the same. This also pushes bands like Metallica to struggle with staying “ahead” of the kids, because the kids sound just as good as they used to. That’s a vicious circle to be caught in from what I can see.

Would you say that Bonded By Blood is a milestone in Thrash Metal and if it had been released the same year as Kill ’Em All or Show No Mercy, as intended, it’s almost certain that Exodus would’ve seen similar success?

It’s hard to say for sure. Success is a motherfucker. I’d point out that Exodus did pretty well for themselves, but it’s a little bit like the Misfits. There are plenty of punk bands who put out records better than the Misfits, but none of them are more famous. What punk band is more famous with more people than the Misfits? When a band really takes off they leave their peers behind.

There was a third wave with bands such as My Victim, Extermination, but they never managed to reach the fans’ attention…

By then I was no longer paying attention. I never heard of them.

Did you take part in the Thrash of the Titans that was a benefit concert held on August 11, 2001 at the Maritime Hall in San Francisco and the concert was a co-benefit for Testament vocalist Chuck Billy, who was diagnosed with germ cell seminoma (a rare form of cancer) and Chuck Schuldiner (R.I.P.), leader of Death, who was also battling cancer?

I was aware of it but didn’t go.

During the past years a lot of Bay Area musicians passed away, such as Cliff Burton, Jon Torres, Sam Kress, Jim Larin, Kevin Mahoney, Mike „Yaz” Jastremski, Bob Yost, Randy Laird etc. How do you feel about it?

Well, I’m in my 60’s. I’ve had a lot of friends pass away. It still hurts though. Cliff’s accident is still pretty upsetting. Bill Skinner passed recently.

Who are/were your best friends from the Bay Area scene?

From the metal scene it would be the guys from Anvil Chorus, Bill, Doug, Thaen, also one of the guys, who was in that first SF version of Metal Church, Rick Condrin, we stayed close until he passed…. Jeese, now that you ask a lot of them are gone.

Do you still keep an eye on what’s going on in the metal scene these days, and what do you think about it compared to the glorious 80’s?

Not much. I ignore more music than many people listen to! Before the pandemic hit I was able to take my 13 year old grandson to see Metallica, it was interesting seeing them in a baseball stadium. Seeing him react to songs I first heard at the Mabuhay Gardens was a trip.

Bob, thank you for the interview! What are your closing words?

Only to thank you for being interested in one of my old bands. I appreciate your reaching out to me and wish you the best!

#interjú

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