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#I WANT MY NIGHT-EYE CARROTS BACK
hinotorihime · 2 months
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i am constantly complaining about how much i hate the gameplay + ui of skyrim, most of my issues with it boiling down very overtly to "this isn't how it works in oblivion and i don't like it >:(", but i gotta say that the objectively inferior alchemy system for skyrim does excel at incentivizing you to play the kind of character who is just constantly and immediately shoving random shit in their mouth
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httpsclarye · 7 months
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#GOOD LOKING+!
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Your plan was quick and simple. You would go to the kitchen, make some tea to ease your headache, and then return to your comfy bed. You weren't expecting to come across your crew's blonde cook barechested cutting carrots.
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Pairing: Vinsmoke Sanji x Reader
Word count: 3k
Warnings: 18+ content, smut, swearing, pet names, big dick sanji, kitchen sex, blow job, oral sex (m and f receiving), fingering, sanji moaning, p in v type of sex.
Ao3: Good Looking
English is not my first language, sorry for any mistakes :) Enjoy!
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You are used to this. The utterly exhausted sensation after several hand-to-hand combats, so when the headache started when you finally lay down in bed, you just decided to ignore it; the sleep would catch up before it got.
Until the needed sleep never got you. So, after an hour or two of rubbing your temples and staring at the ceiling while feeling envy-induced annoyance for Nami’s peaceful breathing, you pushed yourself to stand up.
Even if the cool night air almost makes you wish you hadn't left your warm bed, you needed that green tea to stop the pounding headache in the back of your head. The kitchen lights shining through the window went undetected as your mind was busy figuring out how you could prepare the drink quickly so that the pain could cease as soon as possible.
“Oh, it’s you, darling. Is everything alright?” As you walked into the door and recognized Sanji's words, you snapped out of your thoughts and began to look over your surroundings. He was not wearing any type of shirt while he sliced carrots from behind the counter.
Barechested. Topless. Half naked.
“Y-yes, I mean, no. Just a headache.” You gaze the blonde in the eyes as you stumble through your sentences, you are merely vaguely aware that your face is beginning to turn red. “I just want that green tea; I know it's somewhere around here. I saw Nami storing it in the cabinets earlier.”
You felt foolish. You became used to seeing shirtless men given that you lived in the middle of the ocean and therefore often came across Luffy, Usopp, and even Zoro barechested. They would often walk around the deck that way on hot days. Sanji, however, always showed up in a suit or, at the very least, had a formal shirt rolled up to his elbows. Even so, there was no chance of seeing him dressed otherwise since he went to sleep after you and woke up before everyone.
“I can do it for you; it’s my job after all, taking care of my sweet girl.” He placed the knife down, threw the chopped carrots in a nearby pot, and proceeded to go through the cupboards. “Love, do you remember where she stored it? There are plenty of cabinets in this place.”
"What are you doing here?" You instantly regret your tone as you noted Sanji just froze in his search.
“I mean, sorry, the kitchen is your place, I know. I just never saw you here this hour, and me and Luffy go here to do midnight snacks sometimes”
“I could not sleep”
“Me too” Once again, an irrational remark. He was informed that you were having trouble falling asleep; that's why you were there. “Why the carrots?”
“The attack that happened today. I had hoped for more food, but I believe you are aware of how fucked our situation is.” He continued looking for the tea while chuckling flatly. “We don't know when we will receive more supplies; we right now have barely anything stocked. Even the carrot peels have been put to use in an effort to reduce waste, you know.”
You weren't sure how to respond. It was clear that everyone's mood was negatively affected by today's incident. The worry of what would happen in the next few days or weeks was filling your head since Usopp managed to escape the ship. His back was to you, so you were unable to see his facial expressions, but you couldn't help but notice his muscles.
You felt a little guilty since you couldn't take your focus away from it, despite him having just voiced some serious concern. Has he lately started working out, or has he always had muscles like that?
“Are you and Luffy close then?”
The sudden break in silence confused you as he turned toward you with the pot of tea in his hands and a pleased smile.
“I suppose so. After all, he was the one who invited me to join the crew, right?” You smirked at the thought. It wasn't much time—perhaps a few months—and you were losing track of time at sea. “I fearlessly agreed to become a pirate, although I had never spent more than two weeks on a boat.”
“I remember that. You were so naive”
Of course he remembers. When you joined the crew, it was very easy to have a conversation with Sanji; he was constantly complimenting you or flirting in a straightforward manner. You never took him seriously, hearing about the blonde's techniques from Nami from the first day, but it was often hard not to chuckle or blush when he was so…
“Not anymore.”
He grinned at you before returning his attention to the tea. It was impossible to look away from his bare chest. You were unable to rest your mind from imagining how his skin would feel on your hand now that he was in your line of sight. You are already aware that he's a good-looking man, but now seeing more of his body did things to you.
“All right, madam. Here is your tea.” He circles the counters until he's right next to you. Really close. His eyes twinkle with recklessness, and you know he caught you staring at his figure.
You ignore the tickle in your lower belly as you stand there, grab the mug in your hands, and sip while gazing at his face. He still has that typical smirk, and when you finally finish drinking your tea, he glances at your lips before returning to your eyes. Everything becomes fuzzy and hot then.
He's very close. His hand has been lying on the counter, his chest is nearly brushing your own, and you can't help but notice his modest, almost transparent blonde hair in there. Perhaps it's a sign for you to walk away, that this is going in a dangerous direction, but you can't.
“What dear? See something you lik-”
You interrupt him with a kiss; it's all very messy and quick, and he is unable to have time to handle everything. You come to an abrupt halt and stare at him with wide eyes, realizing what you have done.
“Sanji, fuck, I’m so sorry, I didn’t meant t-”
He didn't let you finish the apologies. His hand pulls your head back, bringing your lips together. The kiss looks right now. It begins carefully, with both sides cautious, but it quickly gets heated as he doesn't hesitate to push his tongue into your mouth.
You’re breathless when he finally pulls away, and his eyes are hungry. He didn't think twice before pressing his open mouth and tongue on your neck. A moan escapes from your lips.
His left hand shifts down to grab your hip, and you catch your breath. Your hands graze his nipples as you reach for his pecs, and he hisses at the fresh sensation in your throat.
“Gods Y/N, you’re going to kill me this way”
You chuckled, and he kissed you again, although this time you took charge, moving one of your hands to his blonde hair before tilting his head to grant you more access. You stop the action just to take a moment to recover and gaze into his dilated pupils. He looks so attractive like that that you can’t help but want to go down on him.
”Sanji,” You whisper breathlessly, enjoying the sensation of his name in your mouth, “let me taste you.”
He groans in response, which you take as encouragement as you lean down and proceed. You lick and kiss the trail that leads to his crotch, and he hisses softly, his abdomen tense beneath your hands and mouth. As you get down on your knees and look at his pants, you can see his erection, which seems big and marked.
You don't hesitate to pull down the waistband of his pants and boxers together, exposing his hard, leaking cock to your eyes. It's big. It's more than you expected. There's a buildup of cum at the head, and you reach forward and wrap your lips around it, licking gently just to tease.
You look up as you swirl your tongue over the tip and dip your tongue into the slit to see him biting his lower lips, his head thrown back. You wanted to see his face while sucking him. So you take him out of your mouth and cautiously wrap a hand around him, teasing him a little with your hand. Your movements are agonizingly slow as you lightly suck and lick the sensitive head until finally he looks down.
“Oh, darling, you’re so pretty like that.” Sanji whined above you, and then your mouth opened around the head of his cock, and he slid it into your mouth. “Fuck, fuck. So… so perfect.”
You can clearly see the blonde struggling to keep his composure, like how his knuckles are white while gripping the counter behind him. You relax your throat, take a long breath through your nose, and exhale slowly before swallowing him whole while gripping his inner thighs.
His penis is large, so the initial sensation isn't the most pleasant, but as he lets out a loud groan, you forget about everything. Something about hearing Sanji whine in the kitchen while you gagged on his cock made the aching between your legs unbearable.
"Oh yeah, Y/N. You are so good to me. Your mouth feels so good in me.”
You moaned softly at his words of praise, making vibrations around his penis, causing another moan from him. His left hand reached from the counter to your hair, and you didn't reject the help while bobbing your head up and down.
“My love, you are so perfec-“
A few tears occasionally escaped as you sucked him and he fucked your throat, sometimes only taking him out to run your tongue along his length. You started to see signs that he was close to cum. One of your hands left the thighs to rub his balls.
 “I… I'm going to cum, Y/N, dear... I" He gives you a chance to pull away from him, but you choose to continue and accept it all. You remove the entire length of his throat and leave just the head in your mouth.
He comes soon after, with a muffled groan, while you attempt to swallow as much as you can before it gets difficult, followed by a satisfied moan coming from you.
You felt his hand leave your hair, and for two or three minutes, you just remained there. He has his head back and is trying to catch his breath while you are on your knees, glancing at his chest and the beads of sweat gathering on his neck. It’s a perfect vision, honestly. You ponder whether he would notice if you began to masturbate right then.
“Come on, madam, let me help you up.” Sanji extends his hand to support you in getting up, and once you are upright, he grabs hold of your waist to keep you close to him.
He kisses you, tasting himself in your mouth. It's slow, and you realize he's still trying to emerge from his afterglow. When he breaks the kiss, that smile returns to his face, and you peck him once more just to get rid of it.
Sanji deepened the kiss again. And fuck, what else could you do but reply in the same aggressive way?
You're hoisted up by the hands on your hips and thrown onto the counter. The blonde is now between your legs, breaking the kiss, only to go straight to that specific spot on your neck that you're almost certain will leave a mark in the morning.
“Oh- Sanji,” You try to speak breathlessly as he licks your collarbone and his fingers brush the hem of your t-shirt, “You don’t h-have to do that.”
It wasn't that you didn't want Sanji. Since you entered that kitchen and spotted him without a shirt, you wanted this. Yet, you took the decision to give him an opportunity to back out, be thankful for the blowjob, and never bring up the matter again. Him taking you would be very personal.
“Please, my love,” You can hear the yearning in his voice as he whispers in your ear. “I just want to make you feel good too.”
You nod, and he attacks your mouth once again while his hands pull the hem of your t-shirt, exposing your chest, and you can't stop yourself from moaning at being so bare to him.
He doesn't think twice about placing his mouth on your breasts as he rolls the hard bud between his teeth and tongue and gives the other one a gentle stroke with his other hand. He bites your nipple as your head is flung back, and all you can do is pray that no one hears your loud scream.
He takes his mouth from your breasts and begins a trail down your stomach, and you can't stop whining due to the lack of warm sensation from his tongue in your niples, but you quickly figure out where he's headed as he lowers himself between your thighs.
He doesn't ask for permission as he aggressively rips off your shorts and, along with them, your underwear, revealing your pussy to him. He pulled your hips closer and dragged a finger down your folds, then placed it inside his mouth.
"Oh, you're so soaking wet, just for me, hm?" You are so stunned by the sight that you hardly pay attention to what the blonde is saying. “You taste so good, my darling.”
You stand on your elbows and glance at the man who is standing in between your legs. You can't help but gasp at the taunting as he starts giving you small small bites and kisses along your inner thighs. But you want him now.
“Oh Sanji, stop teasing for fuc-“
He didn't wait for you to finish the curse word before burying his face, pushing his tongue against your wet pussy, and licking a long, temptingly slow strip through your folds until he reached your sensitive bud.
In an attempt to create more friction, you thrust your hips into his mouth, and your left hand immediately settled on his blonde hair. Sanji found the ideal pattern to swirl his tongue over your clitoral region, leaving you panting for air.
He pushed two fingers deep within you, and you felt your walls clenching around them, sucking him in. His pace was fast, and he was still paying careful attention to your clit, leaving you close to the edge. You were a mess, and it wouldn't take long for you to cum. Yet you still needed him; you wanted more.
You sucked in a sharp breath and tried to block out the inappropriate sounds echoing through the kitchen.
“Sanji, p-please more”
"Use your words, my angel." You could see the glistening fluids from your pussy plastered on his chin when he pushed his head off of your thighs. “What do you want?”
“Fuck me, oh g-gods. I need you inside me." At your words, he groaned and took both of his fingers out to direct his cock at your entrance.
It wasn't difficult for him to enter since you were so soaked. At the feeling of it, you both simultaneously moaned. You felt completely filled; he just stood there for a while, waiting for you to get used to the size, until you signaled for him to start moving. It began off slow, but soon he started out moving his hips at a faster pace to satisfy both of you.
"You're perfect,” he moaned in two thrusts, and you had to put your hand over your mouth. “Look at you, taking my cock so well, oh darling.”
The hands on your hips let go and grabbed you under your right thigh, opening your legs and hitting you more deeply and faster. You thought you were seeing stars when he hit an exact spot inside your pussy that made you shout.
“Cum for me, my love. I know you want”
It didn't take long for your orgasm to hit you after that, your eyes rolled back and you let out a whine sound as you felt your walls squeeze his dick. He moaned along with you at the feeling and a few more thrusts and he came inside you.
Sanji's head fell directly to your shoulder, and you instinctively placed your palm in his blond locks. While the fluid was slowly dripping out of you, he continued to remain deep inside and breathe loudly.
He raised his head only to smile recklessly while glancing into your mouth. “So, do you still have a headache?”
Your hand reached out to push him, but you were helpless to suppress the giggles that came. He drew away from inside you but was still between your knees as he chuckled proudly.
“Do you think anyone heard?”
“I'm not sure, maybe when you let out that screa-" You slapped him on the shoulder to cut him off while embarrassed because of the probability. “Ok, ok my darling, next time we’ll find a more private place.”
“Next time, huh?
Sanji stood still with an anxious smile on his face; it was almost hilarious how someone so confident in themselves would respond in that manner. You wrapped his neck with both of your arms and gave him a quick kiss to reassure him that everything was fine.
"You should come to the kitchen more often, preferably alone.”
"And you should go shirtless more often too.”
"Only for you, my love.”
You gave him another kiss before leaving the counter, getting ready to go, and returning to the bedroom. Even though the night seemed to be becoming lighter, you were aware that there were still a few hours until sunrise. It was evident that there would be plenty of issues to address when you awoke, but for the time being, you were content, even though you were a little exhausted from the activities. As sleep came, all you could think of was Sanji and his smile.
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© HTTPSCLARYE, 2023
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seattlesellie · 23 days
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dads best friend!abby scenario cause why the hell not.
cw: sexual themes mdni, age gap, abby’s a cocky but charming asshole, power dynamics-ish? : ・ෆ・┈・┈・ᕱ⑅ᕱ・┈・┈・ෆ・ :
— "Oh and honey? Doctor Anderson's coming over for dinner" Everything felt oppressively hot and everything felt impossibly tight. The food seared your tongue, humid steam rising from the vegetables on your plate causing your throat to constrict and your eyes to sting with tears. Your right hand was clenched in a tight fist, left hand gripping your fork like it might grow legs and run away if you let go of your grasp. Your tights were itching relentlessly, tank top strap kept sliding off of your shoulder and built itself a home down your arm. Your lipgloss felt too sticky and your palms too clammy, you felt agitated, uncomfortable and way too goddamn nervous.
You felt consumed.
You didn’t know why.
Sure, Doctor Anderson was attractive, with palms twice bigger than yours. She wore a tight fitted muscle tee that had you squinting then turning your head around fast enough to crack your neck, noticing a goddamn six pack poking through maroon fabric. And yeah, she had an intoxicating scent of pine and wood and a hint of pepper that made your eyes nearly roll back inside of your skull, voice silky smooth, thighs firm and muscular, eyes icy blue, a smile that made you melt and all that stupid jazz,
but none of these things were a good enough explanation to why you were feeling this way — dazed, stupid, all bothered.
She sat down on the dinner table’s leather chair in a manspread as if she owned the place, and her thighs bulked up even more, veins of her arms becoming more prominent. She always knew what to say, and when you cracked a joke about orthopedic surgeons she cheekily told you to “watch it” — which made you thickly gulp and sheepishly smile down to the floor like your idol from age thirteen just told you they want to marry you and have you forever.
You needed an ice bath, but she also wouldn’t stop goddamn looking at you, even when you made it clear that eye contact with the surgeon, your father’s best friend, was a task that you apparently couldn’t manage to complete.
Her look made you nervous, and when she narrowed her eyes you nearly choked on a carrot, and when your father asked you “What’s wrong, kid?” you couldn’t even answer because what was wrong — was that you had to cross your legs together cause of some aching down there, and what was wrong is that his best friend made you feel like you were losing your mind at 9pm with a fork glued to your palm.
So you lied.
“M’just... tired, I guess” you murmured, then fake yawned, then internally cringed at yourself for performing the worlds fakest goddamn yawn.
“Already?” he voiced, shifting his gaze towards a visibly amused Abby. “Quite the night owl, that one... usually”
"What can I say, dad, loooong day" answered you, with a syrupy voice she wanted to stick her fingers inside and lick.
Abby chuckled, then smirked at you even though the response wasn’t directed at her. Then, she looked over to your father who was gnawing on some overcooked steak.
“She’s a kid, needs to get her sleep”
You scoffed, which made doctor Anderson poke the inside of her cheek with her tongue. “What...?” she murmured cockily, cracking a toothy grin. Your tights felt tight again, glued to your hot flesh, then you realized why they fucking call them tights because dammit they really are tight.
“I'm not a kid, can, y’know... drink, and stuff. Plus... M'busy, with... College"
You sounded like a damn idiot. All Abby did was chuckle and tilt her head back slightly, leaning further back in her chair.
“T'aw, I know, What'ryou studying again? Fashion science?”
You scoffed, crossing your arms. That bitch.
"Sorry I don't wanna go to medical school and spend seven years of my life sticking my hands down a corpse"
So you didn’t go to your room after that, caught up in a whirlwind of proving a point. You stayed stubbornly with your feet glued to the floor and listened to Abby and your father ramble and yap on about work shenanigans. Usually, you’d semi doze off at this point, go on your phone and occasionally throw a snarky remark, but this was different. She was different than any of his other friends. Abby was actually funny, she didn’t brag too much, and if she did it faded quick cause she really was that good.
Abby threw a reference to a book you thought no one else had read except for you. You timidly lifted your gaze and remarked, “Oh, i read that book, actually”
Abby smiled and flattened her hands on the wooden table. “Smart cookie, huh? Did you like it?”
You batted your eyelashes like a kitten seeking more strokes at the praise, not noticing that body language of yours.
But she did.
You talked about the book for a solid ten minutes. Your father was the one, surprisingly, to go on his phone and faux-snort when he felt excluded from the conversation ran by two intellectuals and a giant elephant who goes by the name of "Tension", in the middle of the room.
Abby made you laugh and she made you think and she listened to your anecdotes. It made you buzz with electricity, and it made you yearn for her attention.
it also made her long for yours.
Your father interrupted by showing Abby a picture from work. When her eyes lowered to his phone, she shot you a lingering gaze and a smirk. You, feeling a rush of heat to your cheeks, shyly looked away.
It was tight everywhere all over again.
So they talked more about work, Abby’s patients, their coworkers, Doctor Martha’s chicken pot pie, Doctor Johnson’s bizarre antics, the glass door no one bothered on calling to be fixed, blah blah blah, an endless stream of chatter.
And you listened, you listened with rapt attention, every ounce of your focus aimed at the prospect of another one-on-one conversation with Abby. Each time the older woman casted you with a quick glance, you flushed even harder. You waited, and waited and waited but your father was a blabber mouth, and you were oh so impatient,
you began mindlessly kicking the wooden table's legs.
Your sock-covered feet shifted restlessly from side to side, then you tucked them beneath your chair and resumed kicking, the movements gaining force. You curled your toes and continued to play with the table's handles. Abby winced, but you didn’t pay her any mind. You kicked again, with more force now.
You sighed.
Abby cleared her throat, and her cheeks suddenly bore a faint crimson blush. You couldn't help but notice, hm, must be the red wine finally catching on to her form. Ignoring, you kicked again, and the doctors back straightened and she stiffened in response. Your father asked her a question, and Abby… stammered.
“Yeah, that guys… uh— yeah”
You rested your chin on your hands and lightly tapped your fingertips against your cheeks thrice.
Then you kicked again, harder, you were bored and restless, waiting, give me some attention, Abby —
And then, you felt a pair of shoes encase your feet, ankles creating a cage around yours. It was then and only then that you had the startling realization: you hadn't been kicking the table at all. Instead, you had been unknowingly engaged in a game of footsies beneath the table with a goddamn world class surgeon.
And oh god did you want to die.
And oh god did abby sport a shit eating grin on her face that only you seemed to catch.
You froze, not even able to release your feet from her iron like grip. Unmistakably, she didn’t seem to release her grip either. So she kept them there, caged and locked.
“Alright,” your father sighed and cleared his throat. “Got some cuban cigars in the yard, shall we?” he gestured towards Abby, who was still holding your feet in her tight grasp.
“Yeah, go ‘head, I’ll just clear the table” she murmured absentmindedly. So kind and polite, huh?
You father chuckled and tapped abby on her shoulder, as he rose from his sit and straightened his back. “Nah, let the kid handle it”
Abby shot you a glance. Your pupils were dilated and your chest heaved rapidly up and down.
“She's not a kid, remember?”
Abby let go of your feet and you rose from the chair with such haste, you nearly had whiplash. When you lifted your plate, staying mute, looking like a deer caught in headlights as your father paced towards the yard, Abby gazed at you, and her eyebrow arched up in utter amusement.
“You uh, play soccer, by any chance?” quipped her, crossing her arms on her firm hard muscly chest.
You gulped.
“Huh?”
Abby lifted her wine glass to her lips, taking a sip that left a glistening sheen on her bottom lip. A chuckle escaped her.
“Jus’, y’know… with all the kicking, and everything. I mean, take a girl out for a drink before you do all that, yeah?”
You stood in shock, you didn’t speak, didn’t mutter a word, merely humming in response. Abby grabbed the plates from your hand, and then she grabbed the salt.
She furrowed her eyebrows and huffed. “M'just ’joking, smart cookie. If you wanna play, let's play"
Then you heard your father’s voice down the hall.
“Sweetheart?” he paced closer as Abby walked towards the sink. He leaned over the wall,
“forgot to mention it to you but, Abby’s staying over for the weekend”
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ddejavvu · 5 months
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hiii!! can i suggest some hotch x bau!wife!reader where reader is pregnant and she doesnt know, but at work she goes on about how she doesnt know whats wrong with her lately and spencer suggests that she might be pregnant and then she find out that she is!!
I love your writing sm btw😚😚😚
i think i might finally have enough time to write whole blurbs again :'))
--
"No flamin' hot for you today, Mrs. Hotchner?" Derek eyes your bag of plain cheetos where they lay open on your desk, and you grimace at his phrasing.
"God, no," You groan, "Don't make me sick."
"You love those things," His brows furrow, and he leans on the edge of your desk with one hand, his thick fingers splayed out over the wood, "I'm pretty sure your tongue is permanently stained red by now."
"I like them when I'm not in the middle of some weird stomach bug," You admit, "I woke up sick. I don't know what did it, but it was probably something Jack brought home."
Derek pointedly removes his hand from your desk, but he's kind enough not to tell you that he thinks you're contagious.
"Feel better, mama." He offers with something that you're sure is supposed to be a sympathetic smile, but looks a little more like a wince. Emily isn't so easily scared off, though, and she continues munching on the carrot sticks she'd brought for a snack.
"You look tired," She comments, and you almost want to take offense, "You were up all night with your stomach thing?"
"No, just when my alarm went off," You hum, swallowing a bite of your sandwich and trying not to heave at the texture, "It was nice enough to let me sleep, but-" Your sentence is cut off with a well-timed yawn, "I feel like I've been awake for days."
"Probably just your period," Penelope hums softly, trying and failing to keep your menstrual cycle a secret, which isn't surprising considering her track record with secrets. Everyone is kind enough to ignore the information she revealed, but when you shake your head and grumble, 'I'm late.', Spencer snaps to attention.
"You've missed a menstrual cycle, you're feeling extreme fatigue, and you're experiencing morning sickness?" Spencer verifies, and it's only with his discerning brain that you feel a weight sink in your stomach - preferably not your unborn baby.
"Oh my god," You breathe, your hand coming subconsciously up to your stomach, "Oh my- oh my god! Aaron, Aaron!"
Aaron rushes out of his office with the combined urgency of boss and husband, his eyes locking on you sharp with concern.
The air between you is thick as the members of your team grin up at Hotch, leaving you the silence to cheer, "I'm pregnant!"
His eyes are no longer viciously worried, their sharp edge melting into something far softer. His lips part, barely enough to let air through, until they crack and curve upwards in a dazzling smile that the bullpen doesn't often get to see.
"You took a test?" He confirms, but when you shake your head, he dims slightly.
"Reid said I am," You offer, and his zeal is back. You're sure he wishes he could wrap you up in a truly breathtaking embrace, complete with kiss far too passionate for your work environment, but you'll save it until you're at home, away from prying eyes and phone cameras. Regardless, you can feel his exhilaration from where you stand, and you're already planning out a nursery in your mind.
"He's probably more trustworthy than the plastic stick," Derek claps Reid on the back, and the doctor looks like the wind was knocked out of him. They're both smiling, though, and you feel JJ's hand on your shoulder, squeezing happily.
"Congratulations," Rossi pats Aaron on the shoulder, much gentler than Reid had been subjected to, "But a word of advice, Hotch? Don't have any more. If I have to split my inheritance another way, it won't be worth killing me over."
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nikibogwater · 8 months
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Life-Saving Minecraft Tips that I almost never see anyone else using (am I just bad at the game...?)
Always carry a bucket of water in your hotbar, especially if you're going caving.
Keep a Warped Fungus handy when traversing the Nether. Hoglins can't attack you if you're standing near a Warped Fungus. I also like to keep a Flower Pot on me just in case I run into a pack of Hoglins somewhere I can't place the fungus directly on the ground.
Use potions. Idk if it's just the kinds of lets-players I watch or what, but I can't believe how many people are sleeping on these.
Night Vision for the Deep Dark (Nether Wart + Golden Carrot). Keeps you from waking up the Warden with a single careless torch placement, and also negates the Darkness effect if you activate a Shrieker.
Invisibility Potions for death runs back to your items (Night Vision Potion + Fermented Spider Eye)
Slow Falling for the Ender Dragon fight (Nether Wart + Phantom Membrane)
Fire Resistance negates like 85% of the danger in the Nether (Nether Wart + Magma Cream)
Adding some Redstone Dust to any potion will increase the duration of its effects to 8 minutes. Three max-duration potions will keep you covered for a little more than one full day-night cycle.
Wool blocks are soundproof (but carpets aren't 😕). Completely covering a Skulk Sensor or Chest with wool blocks before interacting with it will prevent chain reactions from other Sensors.
Set up a safe base with a bed at world spawn (usually around coordinates 0, 0) so that you don't have to sprint buck naked through the night if you lose your respawn point.
I actually like to put my main base near world spawn because I easily get disoriented when trying to navigate by coordinates alone, and it's much simpler for me to just follow a Compass back home (I think that's an exclusive-to-Niki problem tho. I've never heard of anyone else wanting to do this 😅).
This is only tangentially related, but I can remember a time when Zombies dropped Feathers instead of Rotten Flesh. You'd think I wouldn't die so often, having played this game for almost 13 years...
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wynnyfryd · 6 months
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Trailer Park Steve AU part 6
part 1 | part 5
October
It's Wednesday night, which means dinner at the Hendersons. Steve finally decided to show his face — and no, not because Dustin's doorstep song and dance had any effect on him; it was partly because he was sick of hearing muted metal music from across the street and mostly because he hadn't left the trailer in three days and he was starting to feel and smell like shit.
So, anyway. Dinner. Ma Henderson's pulled out all the stops: prepped a homemade lasagna, stocked the fridge with full-sugar sodas and bought the good brand of key lime pie; invited the Sinclair and Wheeler kids to make a little party of it. (Nancy was 'unfortunately too busy to attend,' thank fucking god.)
But then Ma got stuck late at work, so now it's all hands on deck. Mike and Erica are setting the table — Steve can hear Mike bitching at her because she told him the knives go the other way, dumbass; Lucas is at the fridge filling cups with ice and Pepsi and muttering to himself about how much better Coke is; Steve's got an eye on the oven, waiting for the cheese on the lasagna to bubble up juuust right; and Dustin is using "prepping the salad" as an excuse to corner Steve and annoy the ever-loving crap out of him.
“What do you mean it’s hard?” Dustin whines, dropping a handful of shredded carrots into the wooden bowl. “Just talk to him!”
Steve takes a deep breath. Mourns, briefly, for the night he could have had; the girls he could be doing hand stuff with in the back of the Beemer instead of putting up with this kid's shit. “I don’t wanna Just Talk to Him." He bends to peek through the oven door. "And, also: get off my ass about it, alright? I came to dinner, I'm heating up the lasagna. I'm, like, participating or whatever. What more do you want?”
“For you to talk to Eddie! Obviously!" Dustin's tossing the greens so aggressively that it kinda feels like he wishes he was pummeling Steve instead, and when he throws his hands up, little flecks of iceberg lettuce go raining to the floor.
Steve eyes the leafy green confetti. "You're cleaning that up."
"Come on, dude," Dustin begs. "It's been two weeks! What's the point of having friends who are next door neighbors if they refuse to get along?”
Behind them, Lucas supplies in a weirdly strangled tone: “This really doesn’t seem like the way to get him to talk to Eddie."
Thank you. Steve couldn't agree more. He turns to tell him as much and realizes the reason Lucas' voice sounded like that is because he's trying to make one trip to the dining room at any fucking cost. He's got an armful of drinking glasses and three cans of Pepsi tucked under his chin, and he's about to fumble the whole wobbly stack.
"Jesus Christ, man, cut that out!" Steve swoops in to grab the cans before they can join the lettuce shower Dustin just made. He doesn't care how much he loves Claudia, he will leave without helping if they splatter soda all over this floor. Mews the Second can lick it clean for all he cares, he's so for real. "Two at a time," he says sternly, taking the extra cups from Lucas’ hold and handing him back a reasonable amoint. He sends Lucas out of the room with a knee to the ass.
"Hey!" Lucas pouts.
"Hey yourself," he grins.
Lucas sticks out his tongue like a child (because he is one, Steve reminds himself), and when he shoulders the swinging door to the dining room he almost brains his little sister, who makes a graceful side-step and comes strutting through undeterred.
"Are you two nerds done playing good cop, annoying cop with Steve?"
"Ah-!" Dustin gawps. "I better not be the annoying cop!"
"Uh, yeah. Obviously, you are." She props a fist on her hip, a little tyrant in the making, and Steve’s ribs go tender with a fond, vaguely proud ache. He really loves her so much. "Now scram. I need to borrow Steve."
On second thought.
Surely at some point these kids, like, owe him money or some shit for the amount of weary sighs they've caused him to let out. Like, financial compensation for the years taken off his life? Something?
"Yes, Erica?" he asks, nostrils flared; eyes closed.
"You should talk to Eddie."
"Oh, Jesus fucking Christ." Steve looks up to the ceiling, pleading for anyone to grant him strength, then he turns to pull the lasagna out of the oven and watches the bubbles sizzle and pop in the hot cheese until he no longer feels like blowing up at a little girl. "Okay. Okay. And I should listen to you because…?"
Screw financial compensation.
He deserves a presidential medal for how calm he's keeping his tone.
Erica's glaring fiercely at him when he glances her way, and why is every kid he knows such a brave, confrontational little shit? "Because," she explains, "He's being mean to my brother."
Oh, fuck no. "What do you mean?" he asks, voice dropping to an urgent hiss as he feels his hackles raise. Like hell is he letting some Billy 2.0 hang around his kids. "Is he, like- Is he saying shit about you guys?"
She spares him from trying to find a tactful way to ask what he's really asking. "No," she says shortly. "But he is being a bastard about him joining the basketball team—"
"Language—" Oh, what's the point.
"—and those two nerds out there? Are obsessed with him. Especially Mike. Like, ob-sessed.” She writes the letters out in the air in front of her to really drive home the point. “Mike likes whatever Eddie likes, so you need to convince Eddie to like Lucas before Lucas loses his friends over this stupid 'jocks versus freaks' crap." She lowers her voice and jabs the skywriting finger into his shoulder hard enough to bruise. "And if you tell Lucas I said any of this? It is on. sight, Steve. I will crush you."
"Jesus Christ."
"So, we good?"
"Uh huh," Steve stammers. "Y-yep. Understood."
Wow. So dignified, Steve. Really loved how you let a ten year old intimidate you. He's saved from any further bullying by the sound of keys jangling in the lock.
"Dusty!" Claudia calls out through the door, "Dustybunny, can you come help? My hands are full!"
In the dining room Steve hears Dustin groan while Mike and Lucas start immediately tearing into him for the name, mocking 'Dustybunny; oh, Dustybun!' in stupid sing-song tones.
"So I'm just gonna..." Steve says awkwardly, inching toward the door. "Go get that."
"Mhmm." Erica gives him an unimpressed look. "You do that."
"Oh, Steve, sweetie, thank you!" Claudia says when he opens the door, cheerful and sweet as always. He goes to take her bags from her, but she drops them all at her feet and steps forward to give him a hug, a firm and tender thing that makes an annoying lump form in his throat.
"How are you?" she asks, stepping back to look at him; eyes raking over his face, hands on his cheeks. Really looks. She frowns at whatever she sees. "How's your mom?"
"Can you please just talk to me?" Steve begs, shivering in the hallway because they haven't budgeted for turning on the heat just yet. Wasn't supposed to get this cold for another pay cycle. He tugs the ends of his sweatshirt sleeves. His limbs feel stiff and tense, a budding anxiety like there’s a bomb in the base of his spine.
"Steven, darling, not now," his mother sighs as she sinks demurely onto the couch. "Then when!" he explodes. He doesn't want to yell at her, but, "Seriously, when? When are we going to say anything to each other that actually fucking matters, mom? I feel like I barely even know you anymore!"
"Yes, and I feel a migraine coming on; are you quite finished?"
"….She's fine," Steve answers.
Could be true, for all he knows.
The wrinkles between Claudia's brows deepen, like she wants to press the subject but decides to hold her tongue. "That's good to hear," she settles on after a moment, giving him a gentle pat on the cheek before stepping away with a subtle look that’s not mad, just disappointed.
Steve kind of wants to cry.
"Mom! Food!" Dustin hollers from the other room.
Steve rolls his eyes. "I swear I try to teach him manners."
"Well, good luck with that," she grins, the shadow of tension between them dissipating. Her mood is good like that. Resilient. Strong. Immune to outside force.
Steve’s moods, on the other hand, are more like those stainless steel fridges that promise to remain spotless but then end up covered in grubby handprints. (Exhibit A: he’s doing it right now.)
Thankfully Claudia’s got enough sunshine in her for the both of them. “Come on,” she says, extending a hand and wiggling her fingers for him to grab hold. “Let's eat."
part 7
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sareeen · 1 month
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The charm of snow
Based on this request. :)
Pairing: Azriel x fem!reader
Summary: Azriel surprises his wife at home and fulfils a childhood dream of her.
Warnings: fluff, mention of abuse, sweet, playful husband Azriel
Masterlist
A/N: Hope you like it! This is part 2 of Unknown Touches for a Lady, but it can be a standalone. (Here –> Part 1)
English is not my first language, sorry for any mistake! :)
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Azriel was attentive.
Y/N only really realised this when the clock struck quarter past three and the man suddenly stepped through the door with a slight, sweet smile on his face.
Y/N was lying on the sofa, almost swallowed up by one of the soft blankets, looking at her husband with a sleepy, surprised expression.
She quickly straightened and ran a hand through her hair, but winced as she caught her finger in one of the tangled strands.
She hadn't expected him, Azriel was busy with the Court's affairs, so Y/N had mostly only met him in the late hours, when thousands of stars shone in the sky. They had been married for three weeks and were still getting used to each other's closeness.
They hadn't slept together since their wedding night.
There had been a few coy kisses, a gentle peck on the cheek and a brief double-sided hug. Every night Y/N waited for Azriel to knock on the door of her bedroom, but all she heard were footsteps pausing for a second and then moving quickly on outside her door.
It was as if each time he restrained himself from knocking.
But now he stood there, his wings and muscular shoulders almost filling the doorframe. There seemed to be a restrained glint in his eyes as he spoke.
“It's snowing.”
Y/N's eyes widened and a surprised sound escaped her, then she rushed to the huge window overlooking the street and pulled the curtains.
Huge flakes of snow fell from the sky, the light wind carried them in a thousand directions, turning the landscape white.
Happy, screaming children rushed out of one of the buildings holding something in their hands – some with scarves, others with carrots.
“Shall we go outside?” asked Azriel quietly behind her. “We could go for a walk.”
Y/N's eyes watered and she sniffled, barely audible.
Ever since she was a little girl, she'd longed to see a snowfall - to feel the sensation of snow on her skin.
Two weeks ago, after a dinner, the subject came up between her and Azriel about what she would like to see of the outside world and the first thing she said was snowfall.
Her husband remembered and came straight home to get her. He's going to go with her and make her dream come true.
Warmth flooded her chest, her heart just fluttering with gratitude and happiness as she turned and nodded.
“Yes” her throat tightened with emotion as she said the words. “I really want to go outside.”
She almost flew to the rack, grabbed her coat and awkwardly wrapped her thick, fluffy scarf around her neck. She tucked her feet into the boots, but she was so scrambled that she would have fallen if Azriel hadn't caught her right arm and held her.
“Here we go, I'm ready!” she looked up at the spymaster, who grinned as Y/N blushed.
She was being too silly, she realized.
“Not yet” he shook his head serenely.
Y/N watched with furrowed brows as Azriel pulled a knitted cap from behind his back and pushed it on her head. It was so warm that within moments Y/N could feel herself beginning to sweat underneath and her hair sticking to her forehead.
“Now, you are ready”
Azriel opened the door for her and put his hand on her back to lead her out into the street.
An icy, shivering wind hit their faces and Y/N took a deep breath, letting the feeling wash over her. Her cheeks were almost tingling from the cold, but the wide grin still sat on her face.
Another first time.
She tilted her head up and closed her eyes. The tiny snowflakes found their way and caressed her cheek, and within moments melted away to leave her skin wet.
She reached out and looked at her palms, gazing at the six-pointed, star like snowflakes. They were beautiful, like tiny transparent crystals.
The touch of them left an icy, tingling sensation in her fingers, but it was all the more wonderful.
“Do you like it?” Azriel whispered in her ear as he placed a snow ball in her hand.
Y/N just stared at the ball.
“What am I supposed to do with this?” Y/N asked, puzzled, and Azriel grunted.
“Throw it away” he suggested in a mischievous tone. “Maybe at him.”
Y/N looked in the direction where the shadowsinger was pointing and was stunned.
“I'm not going to throw a child!” she blurted out immediately and elbowed Azriel in the side, who laughed and dodged the hit.
The snow crunched under Y/N's boots as she took a few steps forward and in a sudden burst of excitement spun around and aimed at Azriel. Targeting the combat-skin covered chest, she pulled her arm back and swung. The snowball flew towards Azriel at high speed and then it was on target.
It hit her husband squarely in the face.
The shadowsinger was knocked backwards by the blow, while Y/N clapped a hand over her mouth in fright and turned pale.
“Cauldron” she hurried over to him and quickly brushed the snow off his handsome face, which was slightly flushed.
“I am so, so sorry, Azriel. Please don't be angry with me! I swear I was aiming for your chest.”
She felt fear flooding every inch of her body and anxiety clenched her stomach. Azriel may have been nice, but no man would tolerate being humiliated like that by his wife in the middle of the street.
When the spymaster raised his hand, Y/N hunched her shoulder and tensed in preparation for the punch, then closed her eyes.
But the pain and the sharp snap of his palm failed to register, so she gingerly peeked out from under her lashes and looked at her husband.
Azriel watched her with a frown, pity shining in his eyes. But at the same time, something ancient and destructive rage lingered in him, and Y/N winced again.
“Did you think I was going to hit you?” inquired Azriel, his voice almost lost in the howling wind.
Y/N could only manage a small nod and tried to swallow the lump in her throat that made her feel like she was choking.
“I –“ Y/N cleared her throat and blew out a shaky breath. “I would understand.”
She hung her head, eyed the tiny embroidered designs on her black boots and waited for Azriel's reaction. But he just stood there motionless, which almost drove Y/N crazy.
“Can you please say something?” she blurted out nervously.
Azriel suddenly cupped her face in both hands and forced Y/N to look up at him. Her husband's face looked as if it had been carved from stone, his beautiful features now looking sharper in the wintry landscape.
“Y/N” his thumb ran over her skin in a soft, caressing motion. Gently, so gently that Y/N's breath caught in her lungs. “Look into my eyes.”
The golden-brown gaze almost burned Y/N's face and she found it hard not to turn her head.
“I'll never hit you” Azriel declared with firm determination and promise radiated from every inch of his body. “I swear it. I will cut off my hand before I lay a hand on you. Understand?”
“Yes” Y/N whispered.
“I don't want you to be afraid of me. You are my wife and so I want you to feel safe and comfortable with me.”
Azriel pulled his knife from the sheath hanging at his side and placed it in Y/N's hand, then shook her grip. The cool, murderous steel gave her chills.
“But if anyone hurts you, kill them with this,” he murmured quietly. “And those who have laid a hand on you in the past years, I will be the one to deal with.”
Y/N couldn't even speak as Azriel leaned in and kissed her.
The kiss tasted of anger, sorrow, and promise, and it pulled her off her feet and clung to Azriel's shoulder. He wrapped his arms around her, his hand holding her tightly by the waist, almost devouring her.
Azriel's lips were warm on hers, his tongue begging for entrance. Y/N opened her lips and their tongues intertwined, following each other's dance sweetly.
They broke away from each other, both gasping for breath and Y/N was almost certain she was going to faint. A hotness flooded her guts and Azriel took her hand and raised it to his lips.
“Let's go, darling.”
They walked hand in hand past the rows of shops and Y/N was still dazed from the kiss and the events that had just taken place.
“Where are we going?” she asked when they had been walking for a few minutes and she could gather her thoughts.
The city was beautiful, with wreaths and red bows decorating the streets everywhere. Snow was falling heavily from the sky, making the roofs of the houses look like they had been sprinkled with icing sugar.
Azriel didn't answer, but went into one of the shops and pulled her along behind him.
The little bell above their heads rang, the heat inside hit Y/N and she inhaled the scent of cinnamon. It was a tiny, cluttered room and she tried to make out what all the wooden stuff was, leaving almost no room for a mug.
The shadowsinger picked up one of them, a very large one with a string hanging from one half, and approached the vendor to pay.
Afterwards he turned to her with a smile of such delight that she was unable not to smile back.
“Come.”
He led her to a back door and outside they found themselves at the top of a hill.
Y/N looked down at the long, snow covered ground and looked expectantly at her husband, who had set the wooden thing down and was patting the top.
“Sit on it,” Azriel commanded kindly, and Y/N immediately sat down. She had no idea what this was going to turn into.
“So we're looking at the scenery?” she asked him, but she looked around cheerfully. “I like it.”
Azriel gave a hearty laugh and sat down behind her. Her back was against his muscular, warm chest, which made her feel relaxed and she was about to nestle into his embrace when Azriel began to squirm.
He pulled his wing up so it didn't touch the snowy ground and handed Y/N the rope that connected to the front of the structure.
“Hold on!”
With that, he swung his legs into momentum and kicked away, and they started down the drop.
The breakneck speed and the snow in her face made Y/N scream, but Azriel just laughed behind her and wrapped his huge body around her. The trees blurred in her vision and her ears whistled because of the wind, but somehow she began to enjoy the rush.
There was something liberating about hurtling to the bottom of the hill, leaving all her troubles behind for a moment and just enjoying it.
“Pull the rope!” shouted Azriel, his voice deep and wonderful in her ear.
Y/N leaned back slightly, straight into her husband and tightened the rope, causing them to slow down.
Eventually the contraption they were sitting on stopped as they got down to the field and just sat there quietly for a few moments while Azriel stood up.
I've been married to a child, Y/N thought to herself in amazement, but there was a bubbling joy inside her.
The shadows surrounding Azriel crept fiercely around his ears and his eyes brightened.
“I heard that” he smiled wryly. “That's not what I remember you thinking on our wedding night.”
Y/N playfully, but laughing, nudged Azriel's leg, who began to pull her up the hill.
“What do you call this thing?” Y/N asked, laying her feet on the two long wooden planks.
“Sledge” Azriel replied and repositioned the sledge just as before. “We're sledding, Y/N”
He pulled back a little and grabbed the back of the sled. The scarred hands, tanned face and golden brown eyes evoked feelings in Y/N that she couldn't even express.
Maybe she could.
She would have loved to throw herself on him and do all the things she had done on their wedding night.
“Be careful and pull the rope like before” Azriel suggested and Y/N panicked.
“What?”
However, Azriel started to run and gave a big push, releasing the sledge, and Y/N started to race back down into the deep.
She screamed as if Azriel had sent her to her death - though that wasn't far from the truth.
She yanked on the rope, but lost her balance and fell sideways in front of the field, off the sled and rolled for a few moments, then, face down in the snow, came to a stop.
She heard the flapping of wings and Azriel's desperate voice, but her shoulder was already shaken.
He rolled her towards him and laughter burst out of her. She kept tearing and clutching her stomach, then managed to speak.
“Oh, I was so scared!” she wiped her face. “But let's do it again!”
Azriel sighed in relief, but smiled sweetly and pressed a kiss to her forehead.
“Don't scare me like that anymore.”
They sledged until dark and Y/N's lips were almost frozen in a grin by the time they got home.
She had never been so happy in her life.
She wanted to cling to Azriel and never let go. Her heart began to beat faster when he escorted her to her room in their flat and pressed a long, honey sweet kiss to her lips.
“Azriel?” she toyed with the strands of sultry, slightly curling hair that frizzled at the top of his neck.
“Yes?” The spymaster murmured and ran his hand soothingly up and down Y/N's back.
“Thank you.”
The shadowsinger looked down at her and Y/N's legs trembled at the golden brown gaze.
“Me too” he replied, then stepped back and walked towards his own room.
Y/N sank her teeth into her bottom lip and hesitated.
“Azriel?”
“Yes?” he turned to her immediately.
It was as if the shadows had already whispered Y/N's question to him and he was just waiting for her to ask it.
Y/N looked over him, took in his muscular frame, his charming face, and felt a warmth flood over her.
“Would you like to sleep with me?”
“To sleep?” Azriel's lips twitched in amusement.
“We don't have to sleep.”
Y/N giggled as he moved towards her, gasping for air as he almost pushed her into the room with his imposing body.
The door closed behind them with a loud slam.
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thatgirlsza · 4 months
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Where is my Husband?♡
Ryoumen Sukuna x fem reader
Fluff, pregnancy, family
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You slip your shoes off, wiping the top of your forehead with the back of your hand. The spring heat creeps up your skin more and more often as the day passes, and you reconsider if letting your huge husband hold you at night is a good idea. Speakin' of, you wanted to update him, so you advanced into the house, checking your shared room and his meeting room. The kitchen, all his usual places. even outside by the vendor, where he sat when it got too hot inside.
To no avail, you can't find him, and you wonder if he was out working or out of character. Sukuna was a diligent man who worked on his time, but he would never let his wife worry a single hair on her head about his whereabouts. About an hour ends with you looking, waiting, and hoping he would show up, until your stomach navigates you to the kitchen. You had been hungry ever since coming home, but you were looking for Ryoumen the entire time. Maybe he would come out if he smelled food.
As you began to make your bowl of cold noodles, you took your foot steps, your small face lighting up, hoping it was your husband, but instead you saw Uraume strool in with their head down. You sigh and turn back to your pot, and they can't help but smile. "What's the matter, Miss?" They ask settling to help you cut the carrots. You didn't protest but instead spoke openly with them. "I can't find the Lord of the House, and I need to go fetch our son from school soon. I wanted to tell him about my appointment before he took up all his time. I know he tends to worry a lot about me and the baby.You smile softly, thinking of how achy your feet will feel tonight after all this walking and the bump on your tummy.
Uraume just smiled beside you and placed the knife down. "Well, madam, I'd like to show you something that will definitely make you happy. I'll get on with the stuff to finish your meal in the meantime. While I do that, I suggest you head to your son's room." Knitting your brows together, you gave them a mystery glance as they smiled, a little too mischievously. Nevertheless, you reluctantly agree, wiping your hands, walking out of the kitchen, and heading towards the bedrooms. In the long hall, all the doors were open wide except the one leading to your son's room. It closed shut, and a gust of warm air breezed in from the bottom of the door. "Had he come from home early?" you wonder going onto your knees and pulling at the door.
To your surprise, there your son was, eyes shut and a small towel on his forehead as if he had a fever, but that wasn't what shocked you. On top of him lay a huge, familiar arm covered in tattoos. It was attached to your sleeping husband how you cuddled up to your son like a lioness protecting her cub. Smiling, you softly shuffled towards them both. Your lips grazed both their foreheads before you cuddled up beside them and let the warm wind sweep you into an afternoon nap.
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luveline · 3 months
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hi jadey would you do something with r peeling an orange for peter even though he’s perfectly capable of doing it for himself but she wants to do acts of service for him ☹️🫶
There are some bad boyfriends out there. Guys who’d rather argue, who won’t walk their girls to the door, who never help with the dishes. There are losers who expect things after they pay for dinner, and never say please. 
Peter Parker is the polar opposite of all those men. Peter Parker gets home from a long day at work and a short shift as his crime-fighting alter ego and makes you a hot chocolate without asking how many marshmallows you want. “Hello,” he says, kissing you behind the ear as he comes around you from behind, the hot chocolate set carefully next to your laptop. “Did you hear me come in, or are you ignoring me?” 
The former, for sure. You beam to yourself and twist in his hold to meet his eyes, brown and wide where they take you in. “Hello!” you say, not shouting, but certainly not whispering either. “I never hear you. You’re a cheater.” 
“You have ears,” he says. 
“And I choose not to use them.” 
“You okay?” He gives your shoulder a concerned rub. When you nod, it turns to a quicker, softer patting. “Okay. I’m gonna make dinner, yeah? I’m starving.” 
He’s strange in that he says ‘starving’ like he’s excited about the feeling. You nod and he nods back, tangible affection in the air between you before he presses his nose to your forehead and leaves. 
You’re just a girl. You finish what you’d been working on as quickly as you can and close your laptop, sipping at the hot chocolate he’d made you with a smirk. Your boyfriend loves you a lot. He’s handsome and tall and smart but he fucking loves you; Peter comes home from a long day hungry and makes you a drink. 
“My love.” You push open the kitchen door. 
“Yeah?” he asks. 
“I can make dinner.” 
“No, that’s fine. I’m making it.” 
“I can do it, Pete,” you say, putting your mug down on the counter. 
“I’m gonna do it,” he says, taking your hands, moving you out of the way of the fridge. His smile is as sugary as his eyes. “You have hot chocolate to drink. Before it’s cold chocolate.” 
“Boo.” You let him win reluctantly. He’s too strong, you argue to yourself smugly, he could totally take you in a fight. There’s never any winning with him. 
Peter turns the oven on and lights the stovetop, a frying pan on the heat, a square of butter melting in the centre. He cuts the veggies swiftly, asking question from over his shoulder. How was your day, babe? Did you eat enough? Did that headache come back? 
You lean on the counter and take a clementine from the fruit bowl. It was fine, you tell him, digging your fingers into the skin. Not much to say. I ate plenty. Headache stayed at home. The sharp citrus smell of torn pith hits the air as you peel the skin from the fruit's flesh. Then you spend a good five minutes taking off the stringy white bits as Peter fries your veggies with some leftover chicken from last night. 
“Here,” you say, breaking the clementine into pieces. 
“Oh, thank you,” he says, taking one from the well of your hand.
He eats it so fast you could argue he doesn’t taste it. 
“It’s for you, Peter,” you say, putting the rest of the clementine on the chopping board next to the carrot tops. ���I’ll peel you another one. I know one’s not enough for you.” 
“Au contraire,” he murmurs, grabbing your waist, tugging you in, orange on his breath as you let him take your weight and move in. “You’re the only one for me.” 
“Terrible,” you murmur back. 
Peter’s grinning as he takes your face into his hand. He tips your head back, your heart fluttering just as much as it did the very first time he touched you like this, his eyes lit by a deep, unignorable sweetness for you. “Thank you,” he says. “You’re real nice to me, huh?” 
“Thank you for the hot chocolate.” 
“That wasn’t me. That was just sitting here when I got in.” 
You wrap your arm around his neck to close him in. “Sure it was.” 
“It was!” He kisses the corner of your mouth eagerly. Each word he says after is half smothered by the press of his lips on your cheek and the soft skin just below your eye as you laugh. “Wanna feed me as I stir? I think our dinner’s burning.” 
“If you keep kissing me, then yeah. I’ll peel every orange in that bowl for you.” 
Such a promise spurs another round of soft kisses. 
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tooruhearts · 2 years
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taking off their gloves ♡
nothing feels better than the warmth of his hands.
→ feat. zhongli, diluc ragnvindr, childe, kaeya alberich || genres: fluff
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ZHONGLI never carries an umbrella around, even when it's raining incessantly on the busy streets of liyue like now. his body doesn't get sick after all, he doesn't find a need for umbrellas and whatnot. but you seem to think otherwise, as the moment you open the door for him you're quick to go grab a towel.
"you're soaking wet! did you forget to grab an umbrella?" you nag at him, while drying his hair.
"no, love. i don't have umbrellas," he replies, calmly. you raise an eyebrow at him. "i don't need them."
"what do you mean you don't need umbrellas? what—oh. is it, is it because you're immortal? but you will still feel cold, right?"
"but i won't fall ill, love." and zhongli sees how evident you disagree with what he said.
you don't say anything, it scares him (he prefers it when you are scolding him, when you're not quiet). instead, you leave the towel on the table and take off his gloves, his hands enveloped by yours. and when you start blowing hot air onto his hands, zhongli feels his chest about to burst.
when the color returns to his hands, you embrace him, face hidden in his neck.
"please take care of yourself," you whisper, softly.
"i will. thank you, love, for everything," he whispers back.
zhongli reminds himself to buy an umbrella tomorrow at bolai’s. but tonight, he's staying in your arms.
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DILUC's favorite moment of the day is when he comes home. because no matter how late it is, you're always there waiting for him.
it always goes like this: you open the door before he can (it's because you recognize his footsteps, or at least that's what you say), and then you smile at him while rubbing the sleep out of your eyes. you must have dozed off again while waiting for him; the drool on the corner of your lips doesn't go unnoticed by diluc.
and then it comes the kisses, one, two, three, on his cheeks, on his lips. while you kiss him, diluc always says "you didn't have to wait for me" to which you always reply with "i wanted to". and you help him take off his coat, his vest, his gloves. every time you take off his gloves, you always press a kiss on his hand before bringing it to your cheek.
"welcome home, diluc," you say, smiling sleepily. and those words make diluc's heart flood with love. he can't help but grab your face and plant a soft kiss on your lips.
"i am home," he whispers back.
the night is too long sometimes, but it is tiny routines like these that keep him grounded. diluc thinks that no matter how hard the day was, he can keep going as long as you’re there behind the door waiting for him.
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CHILDE's life ended at fourteen. he doesn't remember much from his youth anymore, except the occasional fishing outings with his dad. he doesn't remember—he doesn't know—what children do, what toys they like and he definitely doesn't remember how to make snowmen; which is why he prefers to watch you play with teucer rather than join you two.
the snowman looks extremely curved, with droopy button eyes and a half-eaten carrot nose. there's something comforting about knowing that teucer gets to do things children do, things that childe didn't get to do. and childe knows, he knows there are things one is never supposed to get back. and in his case, it's his childhood.
but every time he sees you, he feels like a kid.
"babe, my hands are frozen!"
"what? let me see!"
you take off his gloves, so carefully, so tenderly (as you are). but the moment they're off, childe's hands are quick to plant themselves onto your cheeks.
"cold! childe! so cold!" you shriek, hands trying to pry his off from your face. but childe is firmly holding your cheeks while laughing like mad.
"sorry, just wanted to steal your attention a bit."
childe knows he's never getting his youth back. but he thinks that doesn't matter when being with you makes him laugh like a child every time.
"jealous that i'm spending time with your cute little brother, huh?" you tease.
he kisses your cheek. "yes, very much so."
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KAEYA has never thought of his hands as pretty. the countless scars and cuts hidden under his gloves tell a tale that's far from pretty. but right now, with the wind blowing and you in his lap, he lets himself believe that thought.
"i love your hands," you say, holding his hands so lovingly, "so pretty."
he smirks. "you're with me only because of my hands?" he brings a hand to his forehead, "oh! you wound me, darling."
"stop being so dramatic," you roll your eyes before rubbing the rough fabric of his gloves with your thumb. "can i take your gloves off?"
kaeya nods. you struggle a bit taking off his gloves; the sight makes kaeya chuckle. when they're finally off, you take your time kissing each part of his hands: his palms, his knuckles, his scars and his cuts.
"pretty," you whisper after kissing all his fingertips, "so pretty."
"hm?" he gets closer to your ear. "i think you're prettier, darling."
kaeya laughs when the tips of your ears turn red. but it's true, kaeya thinks you're prettier than anything else in this world, in this universe. no sight in teyvat could ever compare to you. and kaeya hopes, he hopes that you're willing to stay with him in the future as well, when the entire world is against him.
he brings your hand to his lips before leaving a butterfly kiss on the back. "i love you. so much more than you think i do."
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a/n: when is it my turn to have a pretty bf with pretty hands...
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thebearer · 10 months
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i looooove the way you wrote carmys casual dominance over the reader in the feeling. could you write something else that has that same vibe? like him being protective/ dominant over her while they’re around the rest of the crew?
ahhh thank you so much!!! the casual dominance was a must for me with carmy it just makes me weak in the knees lol.
"Why don't you let me help you?" You hummed, leaning over Carmen's shoulder, watching as he expertly cut the onions. "I can handle spaghetti sauce."
Carmen scoffed lightly, looking up at you under heavy brows, still chopping furiously- much faster than anything you could. "I got it." He nodded.
Your face fell slightly, stepping back to stand beside him. Carmen invited you to family every night before the restaurant opened, it was sometimes the only time you'd see him until that night when he'd collapse into bed next to you. It was the busy season, summer and tourist time, meaning everyone wanted to come to the infamous restaurant.
Carmen's chest flooded with a pang of guilt at your small frown. Fuck, maybe he'd been too mean. "'m sorry, baby. Here, I have prep to do. Can you put this in the pan for me? Start it."
The tiny smile that curled on your lips made Carmen's heart skip in his chest. "Yes, Chef." You hummed, pressing a kiss to his cheek, snagging the diced onions and sliding them into the pan.
You'd seen Carmen make it enough to know how to make this recipe. Canned tomato sauce, oregano, onions- you measured them, adding it all easily.
"Woah-ho-ho, look who we got here." Richie cackled, turning the corner, ignoring Sydney's screams to announce it. "We got a new chef on the roster?"
You rolled your eyes, snagging the can opener and pressing the handles together. "Yeah, I'm your replacement, Richie."
Richie's face fell slightly. He knew you were joking but a part of him worried. "Cousin, what's this, huh?"
"She's just helping, alright? Get outta the way." Carmen nodded, slicing the beef easily. His eyes watched you, flicking from his task back to you.
"Hey," Carmen called, a firm snap of the tongue that had you turning to him. "Put the hair back, baby. No one wants a hair in their food."
"Yeah, c'mon." Richie added, snickering as you snagged the hair tie off your wrist. "Gonna replace me and she don't even know how to cook right-"
"Hey, easy, cousin." Carmen's eyes were hard, glaring at Richie, the whirr of his knife sliding across the cutting board adding a dangerous edge.
Richie held his hands up in mock defense. "My apologies, your fucking majesties." He scoffed.
You rolled your eyes, moving onto the next step on the card, pouring the cans of sauce in easily and stirring, giving the side of the pan a firm tap with the spoon to get the excess off. Reaching for the knob to turn the heat up, Carmen's hands were on your waist before you could.
"Here, baby," Carmen rasped, pulling you back slightly. "Gotta loose shirt on, so you gotta stay back, alright? Tuck it in or something for me. I don't want it catchin' on fire." He muttered, hand sliding over the hem of your shirt, pressing it gently against you.
"Actually, go find an apron, ok? I'l get this started. I don't want you gettin' anything on ya." Carmen nodded towards the back.
"Yes, Chef." You saluted him playfully, passing the spoon to him.
Carmen watched you walk towards his office, stirring the ingredients before turning on the stove. He let the flame on a low flicker, reaching in his pocket for his own cigarettes, fishing one out and lighting it under the pilot light.
"Chef," Carmen called, catching Sydney as she turned the corner. "You got it?"
"I got it." Sydney nodded.
"Great, I'll be in my office." Carmen walked off, finding you in his office, lazily looking through the papers on his desk.
"Anything good?" He asked, leaning against the door, arms crossed over his broad chest.
"What is spicy Moroccan carrot salad?" You tilted your head, reading Carmen's sloppy handwriting scribbled on the notecard.
"A side Sydney thinks would go good with the flounder we're getting in." Carmen hummed, blowing the smoke out the door before shutting it behind him.
He sunk down in his chair, patting his lap for you to sit with him. "Thanks f' helpin' me with family tonight." Carmen muttered, arms around your waist, bumming the cigarette in the tray. "Shouldn't be too long tonight."
You hummed, leaning back into his chest, head lulling back so you could look at him. "Not too long like I should wait up for you or...?"
Carmen snorted lightly. "I'll be home before midnight. Sydney and Marcus are closing tonight." He sighed, pressing a tiny kiss on your shoulder.
"Good," You grinned, turning so you were straddling him, your core rocking over his, covered by the aprons.
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peachdues · 5 months
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SANEMI V. NO-NUT NOVEMBER
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・˳ . ⋆ .˳⁺⁎˚ ⋆・˳ . ⋆ .˳⁺⁎˚ ⋆・˳ . ⋆ .˳⁺⁎˚ ⋆ ・˳ . ⋆ .˳⁺⁎˚ ⋆・˳ . ⋆ .˳
In honor of it being Thanksgiving in the US, I thought I would feed you all. Happy Turkey Day, skanks.
CW: MDNI. Explicit sexual content.
Let’s count the ways you’ve tortured him over the last thirty days
You would purposefully wait until he arrived back home at his estate before getting yourself off — in his bed, or in his private bath, so that Sanemi had to watch or feel you working yourself, whimpering his name as you imagined your fingers were his.
You’ve never seen a man wound tighter than Sanemi, coming home after a long night of fighting demons and having to put up with incompetent younger Corps members, who is greeted with the sight of his lover, in his bed, legs spread wide open as she plunges her fingers in and out of her wet and ready core, moaning his name. 
You also were fond of trouncing around his estate wearing little clothing — if any. In fact, you were far more fond of wearing nothing but his haori as you cooked for him. Sanemi thought you wouldn’t be able to resist him sidling up behind you and sliding his hands between its open folds to rest on your bare waist. He thought. 
As it turned out, you were more than happy to swat away his eager hands and resume chopping vegetables. Sanemi managed to hold in his groan of frustration until you bent over to pick up a stray piece of carrot that escaped the pot.
Not to mention it was his BIRTHDAY on the 29th and you wouldn’t so much as let him eat his favorite cake (your pussy) 
“But I’m not the one being pleasured, it’s you,” Sanemi’s voice bordered on a whine as he danced his fingers down the curve of your outer thigh.  You swatted his hand away. “Need I remind you that, on more than one occasion, you’ve had to change your clothes after spending time between my legs?”  Sanemi’s eyes are nearly bulging out of his head as you primly turn away from him, tightening the blanket around your half-nude form. “You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me —“ “Goodnight, ‘Nemi. Happy Birthday.”
But when the clock hits 12:01 AM December 1?
“If you think you’re walking out of this not pregnant — or that you’re walking out of here at all —,” he said severely, yanking you by the calves until your ass was pressed against his thighs. “Then you’ve got another thing fuckin’ coming.” 
Listen. Sanemi respects the fuck out of women, but you’ve been disrespecting him for the last month. He’s about to get MEAN.
I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to say that Sanemi is going to need to purchase new furniture by the end of it; shit’s getting smashed by you two. The bed, dressers, tables, you name it, you’re getting fucked on it, and it’s getting broken. 
You are being edged to oblivion. If you whine or complain, it only makes the punishment that much worse (so does crying but he actually wants to see those big fat tears). Sanemi breaks up pace consistently to ensure this happens.  Also, he’s gonna cum as much as he wants, but you’re not until he says so.
And when he finally, finally lets you cum, don’t you dare think it’s over — now he’s going to overstimulate you until you’re sobbing (again)
“You think you’re done, sweet girl?” His saccharine coos made your stomach curl because you knew that tone meant he was being anything but sweet. “Like hell you are.” Sanemi flipped the pair of you over, forcing you to lay with your back against his chest, your arms pinned behind you. The hand not restraining you slid to your throat, gripping softly and tilting your head back against him as Sanemi began to thrust sharply up into you.  “I’ve had to watch you cum around everything but me for the last month, darlin’,” his teeth sank down into the soft flesh between your shoulder and neck. The wince you made at the sharp prick of his teeth was quickly chased away with a few soothing licks and caresses from his deceptively soft lips.  “So you’re gonna be my good girl and cum on my cock until I’ve decided you’ve had enough. Understand?” 
It gets to the point where you genuinely cannot tell apart the fluids on your skin — sweat, your cum, his cum, or your tears 
When he’s finally out of stamina (which is like. days later, RIP you), the last few rounds are much slower, and he’s much softer and clingier. Granted, he’s shooting blanks by then because he’s also overstimulated and exhausted, but he thinks he’s made his point clear enough. He’s actually asking you for just one more, and if you’re crying, he’s quick to kiss the tears away and murmur words of encouragement and love
“Fuck, baby,” Sanemi moaned, his feet digging into the plush of his futon as a means of giving himself leverage to push into you, his thighs and hips having long since lost the ability to work with the same vigor they had when he’d first bent you over. “You feel too fucking good to stop.”  You cried out, fists clenching against the painful pleasure your lover continued to bestow upon you. Part of you was desperate for him to stop, to rest, but your body kept betraying you, your legs tightening around his waist to hold him in place.  “S-Sanemi,” you whimpered, fingers digging into the ropey muscles of his shoulders, unable to decide whether to pull him closer or push him away. “No m-more — I c-can’t —“ “One more, sweetheart, just one more.” He cooed, bending his face low to brush kiss after kiss against your lips, swallowing your moans and whimpers. Sanemi braced his weight upon his fists, situated on either side of your hips as he continued to rock into you. His pace now was far at odds with the one he’d maintained over the last day or two, with the scar-speckled Wind Pillar forgoing his vicious, unrelenting speed that had you clinging onto the nearest piece of furniture for dear life in favor of something far softer and more gentle.  “You can do that for me, right?” Sanemi circled his hips. "Just one more, sweet thing, that's all I ask." 
And you give it to him; though there are big, fat tears leaking down your cheeks and though every nerve in your body is screaming for a break, you come apart around him once more. But Sanemi still isn't fully satisfied even though he's a groaning, cursing mess rutting into you, so his thumb works its way between your legs and presses down. Only when a surge of your sticky fluid springs forth and coats his abdomen and groin, does Sanemi finally relax, his own climax rolling into him like a steady wave.
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strang3lov3 · 10 months
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Troublemaker (Brain Scramblies 2)
Joel Miller x Fem! Reader
Summary: Joel is bad at feelings and distances himself from you after your concussion, and faces his feelings on patrol with you.
Warnings: Smut smut smut of all varieties, so like oral m and f receiving, PIV. Ya know the drill!!! 18+ MDNI! Joel is bad at feelings. Kind of slow burn, asshole Joel. Very sweet sex! Age gap oops
Word Count: 4.9k
A/N: SURPRISE MOTHAFUCKAS!!!! BRAIN SCRAMBLIES 2 AT 10PM ON WEDNESDAY NIGHT!! My bf recently informed me you’re not supposed to sleep when you have a concussion so my bad guys sorry for giving you all brain damage that's on me ALSO THANKS FOR ALL THE LOVE ON BRAIN SCRAMBLIES! Here’s part two for all who asked!! Like brain scramblies, I don't love this but there was an overwhelming demand for part two and I was concerned for y'alls sanity. Also I changed the title again oops.
Read the first story here! It can be read as a standalone but I highly recommend reading Brain Scramblies first!
Please please please comment and reblog if you enjoy!
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Joel ended up falling asleep with you. He woke up early and quietly excused himself from your bed. God, how pretty you looked sound asleep. With your puffy lips and quiet snoring. The way your hair fell across your face. He pushed your hair away from your eyes and left. 
Stupid. So fucking stupid. 
You didn’t mean any of it, any of what happened last night. Joel was a fool for indulging in your concussed words and letting himself believe any of it was real. He placed too much meaning on last night. 
He’d need to work hard to erase the way you made him feel. He needs to forget how he loved taking care of you, how he wants to be the one to make you feel better after a long day or when you’re sick. How he wants to spend all of his time making you smile. He needs to erase all of his love and adoration for you. 
In the morning, Tommy took you to the doctor. Your head was still sore and pounding slightly, but the doctor assured you that with a week’s worth of rest, you’d be back to normal. Honestly, you’d be better in a day or two but it’s best to take it easy for a while longer, just in case. 
You were in the waiting room while the doctor prepared some medicine for you. Some tea to help with the headaches and nausea, and some pain meds. Tommy was sitting right next to you. 
“Feelin’ alright, honey?” he asked you. 
“Yeah, I’m okay. Hurting a little but I’ll be fine,” you replied. Your head was still tender, and likely would be for a while. 
“Up for dinner on Friday? As long as you’re feeling okay, of course,”
“Yeah, yeah. Only if Maria is cooking, of course,” you teased him. Tommy wasn’t a great cook, unfortunately. 
Tommy chuckled. “Well, that’s a given. Joel will be there too. You remember him taking you home last night?”
You shook your head. “I thought you and Maria took me home. It was Joel?” Your memories were fuzzier than you realized. 
Tommy’s lips curled in a sly smirk. “Yeah, no. It was Joel. You don’t remember anything you said to him?” You shook your head again. “Well, you were flirtin’ pretty hardcore.”
Your cheeks burned and flushed. “No,” you groaned, burying your face in your palms. 
“Oh, yes. Called him handsome left and right. Never seen him so bashful before. He was pink as a flamingo, honey,” he said. “Course, that was only at the bar. He didn’t tell me if you said anything else about your little crush when he took you home.”
“No, no. You’re lying, Tommy,” you whined. This cannot be fucking happening. What did you do? 
Tommy shook his head. “It’s the truth, I’m afraid,”
You were embarrassed. Actually, you were way past embarrassed. Mortified. Humiliated. 
Tommy could see what you were thinking, the excuses you were making up in your head. “Don’t you think about canceling dinner, now. Maria’s making your favorite pot roast, with all those carrots and potatoes,”
Your eyes were pleading with his, his own twinkling with amusement. You opened your mouth to speak, but the doctor interrupted. 
“Alright, now. Tea is for the nausea and headaches, it can be a little bitter so I’d suggest adding some honey. These pain meds will help with the throbbing,” he said. He instructed Tommy to keep an eye on you, make sure you’re hanging in there. 
You both thanked the doctor and left the infirmary then. Tommy relented his teasing, seeing as how you were so close to combusting in embarrassment. 
The week passes slowly. It’s boring, so fucking boring. You do puzzles, read your favorite books, work on your blanket you’ve been knitting. Sip your tea. And each day, all you can think about is Joel. What you said to him, what you don’t know you said to him. 
It’s Friday. Tonight’s the night you’ve been dreading all week. As you make your way to Tommy and Maria’s home, you go over your plan in your head. Just be polite, like always. Apologize to Joel and make nice. Then go home, and the next time you’re on patrol with Joel it will all be back to normal. Right?
No. Not right. 
“Hi,” you say to Joel. Tommy’s setting the table, Maria is putting the finishing touches on her meal. 
Joel only grunts in response, never once meeting your eyes. You might as well have said hi to a brick wall or a houseplant. 
“How’s your week been?” 
“Fine,” he grumbles. “Your head, uh, feelin’ any better?” He speaks like he’s in pain, like each word stings and aches as it rolls off of his tongue. 
“Yeah. It’s better, mostly. Tommy said you walked me home, and I guess–”
Joel cut you off. “Dinner’s ready,” 
Wow. So it’s like that. 
You sit next to Joel at the table, who never once speaks to you the entire meal, save for a “Pass the potatoes, please,” or “I need the gravy,” here and there. You’d never experienced such an awkward dinner before. And Joel was never your biggest fan, but he had never been so rude and short with you before. You felt it was a little undeserved, given you had no control over the situation last week.
Luckily, Tommy and Maria fill the air with conversation to make up for Joel’s shitty and impersonal attitude. Within a few hours, dinner is over. Tommy begins clearing the table as you and Joel get dressed to leave. You bid all of them goodbye, and then leave. Dinner didn’t go the way you planned, but nothing ever does. At least it was finally over. 
“Walk her home, Joel,” Maria says sternly, watching you through the window. “Come on. It’s the least you can do after icing her out all evening.” “She’s fine. Concussion healed.”
“Don’t care, brother,” Tommy interjects. “Walk her home, or you’re cleaning the stables for the next six months. Go. Think y’all have some stuff to talk about, anyway.”
“This is ridiculous,” Joel mumbles as Tommy and Maria both hug him goodbye. But he does it anyway.
He meets you a little ways away from their home, the crunch of leaves under his footsteps startling you. “Let’s move. I’m walkin’ you home again,” he says. 
“Oh, that’s nice of you,” you reply, surprised. No doubt Tommy and Maria forced him into this. 
Joel says nothing. He’s silent the entire walk home, silent as he leaves you on your porch. 
You’re in disbelief. You were expecting to maybe laugh a bit over the situation last week, but not this. Who knew Joel hated being flirted with so much? He takes quick steps, never once looking back to make sure you make it inside your home okay. 
Fuck it.
“Joel,” you call out. “Come here.”
Joel turns around, eyeing you with a frown. “What do you want now? You’re home.” 
“Come here.” your voice is stern and demanding.
He rolls his eyes and shakes his head, true to dramatic Joel fashion. When he steps up onto your porch and stands in front of you, he stares at you with a blank expression, his eyes are cold. “What,” he says flatly. No trouble at the end of his sentence, like he usually calls you. It stings.
“What happened last week? When you walked me home, after my concussion.”
“Nothin’. Nothin’ happened,” 
“Are you sure? Because Tommy said I was flirting with you at the bar, and I don’t know if I said something rude or what but I…” you trail off. “I don’t know. I just want to know what happened.”
Joel sighs deeply, pinching the bridge of his nose. “You didn’t say anything rude,” 
“Then what? What did I say?”
“It doesn’t matter,” 
“Then tell me,” 
“I said it doesn’t matter,” 
“It matters to me,”
Joel steps away from you, sitting on one of your chairs. He won’t look at your face. “Fine,” he says gruffly. “You called me handsome.” 
“Tommy told me,” you say quietly, your voice is small. “Listen-”
“About a million times, actually. It’s all you could say for a minute there,” His tone is beginning to soften, but he’s still grumpy and bothered. “Gave me a nickname, too.” “I did?” 
“You did,” 
“What was it?” you step closer to him, taking a seat in the chair next to where he’s sitting.
“Joelie,” he says. “You called me Joelie.” 
“Joelie, huh?” you mumble, half to Joel, half to yourself. “Was that all?”
Joel is looking off into the distance, the cool air is biting at his ears and nose. “No, there was a little more,”
“Are you gonna tell me?”
“No, I don’t think so. No reason to,” he pauses for a second, remembering. “I’ve got a fuckin’ bone to pick with you, though.”
“Clearly,” you reply with a sarcastic tone. “What’d I do, other than call you handsome?”
“You fuckin’ pinched me. Again,” he turns to face you. “You have a real problem keepin’ your hands to yourself, you know that?” he scolds you angrily.
You can’t help the giggle that escapes your lips. “You probably deserved it! You always do, you’re such a dick,” 
Joel scoffs, it’s almost a chuckle. “Maybe. I wasn’t actin’ like a dick that night, though. Not enough to warrant you pinchin’ me,”
You’re puzzled. Why else would you pinch Joel, if not as a punishment for acting like an asshole? “Then why did I pinch you?”
Joel turns red then. Like, really blushes. His ears and cheeks are bright and rosy. He’s flamingo pink, just like Tommy said. 
“Why, Joel?”
“You said I have an ass like a uh…a peach,” he whispers. “And then you–”
It’s your turn to blush now. “No,” you interrupt. “I didn’t. Joel, tell me I didn’t pinch your ass.”
He nods, silently. 
“I am so fucking sorry, Joel,” you apologize frantically. You were a fucking menace!! “Please. That was so inappropriate.”
“It’s fine, trouble. Was kinda cute, actually. You said I have eyes like coffee beans too. Never heard that one before,”
Trouble. 
“And that’s all?”
“You said you’ve got this great, big, humongous, gigantic crush on me,” he says through a sigh, his tone is defeated. Sarcastic, even. “That was really it, though.”
He doesn’t mention all the times you asked him to fuck you. He’s not a sadist, you’re embarrassed enough already. In fact, you’re so embarrassed and in your own head that you don’t even pick up on the sadness in his voice. 
You open your mouth to apologize, to explain. Joel speaks first. 
“Don’t worry about it. I know you didn’t mean any of it,”
And then he sits up, making his way to step down off of your porch. He turns to you one more time before leaving, you can’t place his expression. He looks almost sullen, almost heartbroken. 
“Goodnight, trouble.” 
He leaves. Once again, you weaseled your way too close to his heart.
And that’s the last you really speak to Joel.
You’re not on patrol with Joel very often, but he’s even quieter when you are paired up. Not in the rude kind of way like at dinner, but in a sheepish sort of way. Like he’s embarrassed, or sad, or feels nervous to speak to you. The confident, cocky Joel is long gone. He rejects all of your attempts at conversation, and it leaves you heartbroken and baffled. 
If only he knew how you felt about him. If only he’d let you speak. 
✧・゚: *✧・゚:* *:・゚✧*:・゚✧
It’s a chilly and rainy fall day, you and Joel are holed up in an old home on patrol together. It’s been maybe a month, a month and a half since that night on your porch.
He’s not really speaking to you, except to give you instructions here and there. You’re getting sick of his attitude. So standoffish and cold.
You wonder what went wrong that night. He was never all that friendly with you, but he was never like this. He looked right past you, like you were a phantom. Not really there.
You’re knitting your blanket, sitting on a window seat. The rain is pitter pattering against the glass. Joel is stoking the flames in the fireplace. The only sounds are the clicks of your knitting needles and the crackle of the fire. There’s a tupperware of snickerdoodles you brought for him, sitting untouched. It was your olive branch. He didn’t even thank you for them.
“What do you think of my blanket?” You hold the blanket up for him, various shades of green yarn arranged in a rippling pattern. 
Joel takes a quick glance, barely even looking, then grumbles something. 
“Joel? I didn’t hear you,”
“I said it’s fine,” he snaps at you.
You sigh, knitting your blanket furiously. What a fucking dick. “You know what? You don’t have to be such a fucking asshole all the time, you know that?”
“Fuck are you talkin’ about?”
“I said that you don’t have to be an asshole all the time,” you spit.
“I’m not–”
“You are. And I don’t even know why!” you laugh wryly. “All you do is fucking ignore me. And I don’t get it, Joel. I don’t know why I even try with you.”
Joel tries to speak, but you don’t let him. 
“I get it, okay? I made you uncomfortable when I called you handsome and pinched your ass and everything that night. I’m sorry,”
Joel is still stoking the fire, giving you no attention.
“I’m serious. I had a fucking brain injury, I had no control over my actions or my words. And I’m sorry,”
Joel’s not listening to your words. He’s so in his own head, he’s not absorbing any of it. All he hears you say is “I didn’t mean anything I said, I don’t feel anything towards you,” Rub it in some more, why don’t you? I’m not in love with you and I don’t think you have nice eyes like I said.
“I do have a little crush on you, okay? You do have nice eyes and a nice nose, and you’re the most handsome man I’ve met in my life. But it doesn’t give you the right to act like this,” you snapped. “I know it made you uncomfortable because I’m too young for you or whatever, so I want you to know I am sorry. Genuinely. Can you please drop the dickhead act now?”
Joel freezes, thrown off.
“Joel,” you demand. 
“Say that again,” he says. He’s looking at you finally.
“I’m sorry,” 
“No, not that,” he waves his hand. “About my nose.”
“I like your nose,”
Joel never liked his nose. But you do. The strong shape, the freckles and scars. It fits him perfectly. “You mean that?”
“Of course. Why else would I say it?” you say bitterly. God, he is so far up his own ass you wonder if he even knows what the sun looks like.
“Why?” he asks you, a smile is threatening to curl his lips upward. 
“The shape, I don’t know. Your freckles,” you say through a sigh. “That’s what you’re getting from this? Can you please just let me apologize for harassing you?”
“No,” he responds. “Tell me more. About my eyes, again.” Joel stands up now, looking at you from a few feet away.
You shake your head. Haven’t you embarrassed yourself enough for him? “Why? Thought I told you they look like coffee beans,”
“Humor me,” he says, his voice low, stepping toward you now. Your heartbeat picks up its pace as he considers his next move. He sits next to you at the window seat. He’s so in love, melting into a puddle before you. God, the way you’ve ruined him.  
“You have nice eyes. Dark and deep. I like the way they shine amber in the sun,” you whisper. You can’t help the growing smile on your face, the same smile when you’re alone and thinking of Joel’s handsome face. “Happy now, asshole?”
There’s a silent moment between you both after you speak, Joel’s looking at you in a way he never has before. The butterflies in your tummy flutter a little faster now, his eyes darting back and forth between your own and your lips. 
“Joel,” you sigh, “Quit looking at me like that.” Your words are more desperate than you intend them to be. You wanted to sound more stern, like him. 
He doesn’t say anything as he carefully places his hand on your cheek, his thumb swiping back and forth against your skin. Your eyes flutter shut. 
He takes the opportunity to pull you close, his lips just millimeters away from yours. “I’m sorry,” he whispers to you. “I wasn’t bein’ fair to ya. You said all those things to me when you weren’t in your right mind,” he trails off, bowing his head. “I’m no good at this.”
“Try me,” you whisper back, your eyes still closed. 
“I don’t know, trouble,”
You pull back, looking into his eyes. They’re big and full of adoration and insecurity, a brutal combination. “Thought it wasn’t real?”
Joel can only nod. The man who always has something to say, suddenly choking on his words. His hand is still on your cheek, holding you steady. 
You want to kiss him, so badly. You want to kiss him with every fiber in your being. But you fight it. He’s going to be the one to kiss you, it’s going to be how you always pictured it. This, you’re certain of. 
Joel’s eyes are frantic and unsure. 
It feels like minutes. 
Hours. 
Days. 
An eternity before he finally does it. And then finally, he kisses you, slowly and gently. It takes you by surprise, sweeps you off your feet. His lips are soft and slightly chapped, he tastes so distinctly Joel. You sigh and moan against his lips as his tongue mingles with your own, you curse yourself for the desperation you exhibit. As if he cares. 
You kiss like that for a while, softly. His gentle and loving kisses are a stark contrast to his gruff and domineering personality on patrol. He’s dissolving under your lips, feeling love he’s not felt in a very long time. Everything he can’t say with his voice he says with his kisses. 
You break the kiss, trailing your lips down his jaw, the scratchy hairs of his beard feel amazing on your skin. You kiss down his neck, something you’ve fantasized about thousands of times. 
“Wait,” he rasps out. 
You pull away, noticing the tent in his jeans. “Want me to stop?”
“Yes,” he breathes. Your eyebrows raise and your head tilts slightly. “No. Not like that. I just, I want to do this right. Treat you right.”
“Joel?”
“Yeah?”
“Shut up,” you speak into his neck. “Need you to fuck me.”
He lets out a breathy chuckle as you continue kissing his skin, trailing back up his thick neck and nibbling at his ear. He’s panting and moaning beneath you, you never expected he’d fall apart like this. “You know,” he starts, “You told me you wanted me to fuck you when you had your concussion.” Your face grows red and you stop kissing him for a second. “Did not,”
“Did too,”
You ignore him and pretend like he didn’t just tell you that. You kiss his skin, it’s hot and slightly salty. You feel his pulse under your lips and then, you pull away. 
His brows furrow as you smile. He’s so fucking cute like this, way cuter than any fifty-something man should be. “Your turn. Tell me what you think of me, then we can continue,” 
Joel’s confidence is back and fully fledged now, it’s a welcome return. “I think you’re nothin’ but trouble. Honestly and truly,” 
“Yeah?”
“S’right. Makin’ me fat with your damn cookies. Makin’ me crazy with all your pinches. And you’ve got me fallin’ in love now. You’re a goddamn troublemaker, and I’ve known it since the day I met you,” 
It’s everything you ever wanted to hear Joel say. He’s falling for you.
He continues, “And when we get back, I get a redo. Doin’ this the right way with you, baby. Gonna make you dinner and all that. Like a gentleman,”
“You better,” you mumble, kissing him again. Your hands find their way to his jeans, fumbling with his belt. His cock grows harder beneath you, he swats your hands away and helps you free it, his member springing up between you both. 
You kneel in front of him, wrapping your fingers around the base of his cock. You lick a long stripe from the bottom all the way to the top of his dick, swirling your tongue around the blushed tip. “Troublemaker,” he sighs. “Don’t tease me now, sweetheart. Please, baby.” His eyes are screwed shut, face contorted in pleasure.
You love the way he calls you baby. And troublemaker. And sweetheart. You’ll be his baby and his sweetheart and his troublemaker for the rest of your life. 
You take him into your mouth, tongue paining his cock with swirls of saliva. His cock parts your lips, you love the smoothness of his skin. He tastes like skin and slightly salty, you hum against him as he bucks into your mouth. “Fuck, baby,”
You bob your head up and down, making a sloppy mess of saliva all over his lap. He pulls you off, suddenly. 
“My turn,” is all he grumbles when he picks you up and drags you to the couch in front of the fireplace. He makes short work of discarding your clothes, unbuttoning your jeans and your jacket and shirt. You’re naked in front of him, suddenly feeling vulnerable. You cover your breasts and bring your knees to your chest.
He notices and promptly begins removing his own clothing. “I know, I know,” he soothes you. “Evening out the playing field and all. Don’t hide from me now, I’m gonna make it right. You’re fucking beautiful, baby.” 
He’s naked now, kneeling in front of you and spreading your thighs apart. Your pussy is wet and glistening for him, you feel his hot breath on your center. He looks at you with wide eyes, his silent way of asking permission. You answer him clearly by carding your fingertips through his scalp, tugging on his head to where you need him most. You thrust your hips towards him, begging him with your body. 
“Eager, are we?” he mumbles. “Been dreamin’ of eatin this pussy, baby.” 
“Please,” you beg him. 
“Since you asked so nicely, trouble,” 
He doesn’t tease you, doesn’t spend any time kissing and biting your thighs. He dives right in, his tongue exploring your most intimate parts. It trails up your lips, through your folds. His tongue dips in your wet hole, tasting your slick. You jolt and gasp his name at the feeling. Your thighs clamp around his head, his scratchy beard is abrasive against your flesh. You welcome the feeling. 
He parts your thighs again then, a little rougher than the first time. His tongue slides through your wetness once more, then finds home at your clit, swollen and needy. He flicks upward, alternating between long and languid licks and short and quick kitten licks. One of his hands meet your center, his middle two fingers enter your pussy and punch upward until he finds the spot that makes you tick. He hasn’t touched a woman in a long time, but still remembers all the best ways to make her see stars. 
“Fuck, like that,” you gasp out. “Fuck, don’t stop.”
Joel says nothing as he eats your pussy, sucking and licking at your center. It’s not long before you’re coming undone on his tongue, your slickness making a mess of his face. Your moans are breathy and quick, he savors each one. His eyes are wide and dark with lust.
Barely recovered from your high, you grasp and paw at his shoulders, encouraging him to come up and meet you for another kiss. You taste yourself on his lips.
“Need you now, Joelie,” you breathe, breaking the kiss. 
His nickname still sounds just as sweet as the first time you whispered it, all those nights ago. 
“‘Course, trouble. I’ve got you.” he says against your skin, his tongue darting out to play with your nipples. He’s dragging the tip of his cock through your folds. “How do you want me?”
“Just like this, please. Just fuck me,”
Your wish is his command. He slides the tip into you slowly at first, making sure it’s not too much. It’s not, of course
He pushes into you all the way, you sigh in pleasure at the fullness. He fits inside you perfectly, like he was made for you. His tip presses at that sweet spot inside you with each thrust, almost effortlessly. 
“Fuck, sweetheart,” he moans. 
“Yeah, Joelie. Just like that, baby. Don’t stop,” 
He fucks you like that, not too hard and not too soft. A deliciously and devastatingly pleasant pace, with such care and love. 
And then the lightbulb goes off in your head. His butt!! 
How you wish you remembered pinching his ass that night. 
“Joel?” your voice is clear, not moaning or breathy. 
He stills inside you, taking heaving breaths on top of you, like it’s taking everything he’s got not to keep going. He looks at you with concern, afraid that he might have hurt you. “Everything okay? What do you need?” 
“Can I squeeze your butt?” 
Joel says nothing, just looks at you with a puzzled expression. He furrows his brows and squints at you before rolling his eyes.
Hey, at least you’re asking permission this time. 
“Please?”
“Yeah, dummy. It’s all yours, now. Don’t wear it out,” he grumbles, but you hear the playfulness in his tone. 
You giggle, reaching down to grasp a handful of his ass. It’s round, plump and fleshy. You dig your nails in slightly, pinching him a little. He winces slightly, shaking his head at your mischievous expression. Your eyes are bright and silly with your bottom lip pinned under your teeth in a grin.
“Hey now, trouble” he scolds you with a smile. “Behave.”
He kisses you, continuing his motions. His thrusts are so fluid and confident, you’re getting closer now, so is he. 
“Fuck, baby,” he pants. “Can’t hold off much longer. What do you need?”
You pull one of his hands from above your head and place it at your center. “Circles, please,” 
He adjusts his grip on the arm of the couch and moves his fingers to your clit, slick with your wetness and his spit from before. “You got it,”
His thrusts become sloppier, he’s letting out strangled gasps and groans. You’re moaning, crying his name as your orgasm begins to bloom inside of you. It’s intense and hot, it feels like sparks through your blood. 
“Joel, Joel,” is all you can say. He fucks you through your orgasm, chasing his own. “Fuck, Joelie.”
“I know, I know. I’m right there. Hang on for me baby, doin’ so good,” 
With a few more shuttering thrusts he’s spilling inside of you, painting your insides with his hot come. You feel every pulse and twitch of his cock, and he slumps on top of you. His skin is hot and sweaty, you don’t mind. You’ve been dreaming of his body pinning your own down for ages. 
You stay like that, just catching your breath together. He kisses your neck as your fingertips trail up and down his back. “I love you so much, Joel,” you whisper. “I really do.”
“Love you too, sweet girl,” he says softly. You love the way his voice sounds here, soft and gentle. All for you and no one else. 
He pulls out of you then, you whine at the loss. He lunges off the couch to reach for the tupperware container of snickerdoodles you baked for him.  
He pulls off the lid, grabbing a handful of cookies and shoving one in his mouth. Apparently Joel was still a typical man, snacking after sex. 
You giggle, grab a cookie of your own and kiss his cheek. He wraps an arm around you and pulls you close to watch the flames in the fireplace dance. 
“God, you’re evil,” he says, his voice muffled by the cookies in his mouth. “Force feedin’ me cookies and makin’ me fat.”
“Busted. You got me,” you say, smiling. “Gotta keep your ass nice and squeezable, hm? It was my devious plan all along. You figured it out, Sherlock.”
“Shut up. Fuckin’ troublemaker,”
tags:
@swiftispunk @rosaliedepp @pedrotonin @kittenlittle24 @walkingintheheartbreaksatellite @brittmb115 @bigboiseason123 @laysmt @guiltgoreglory @aubreysylvain @leeeesahhh @harriedandharassed @southernbe @ravenouswild @luvrking @r02eg0ld @amythenortherner @walkintheprk @zpandaqueen @silkiers @angel-with-a-heart @kdogreads @boofy1998 @theoremrobin @2valentines @happy--birthday--kiddo @elissaaa @paleidiot @brie-annwyl @str84pedro @bigcreatorwombatdreamer @kyloispunk @tiredbuthappy @yuk-for-president @nopealoupe @blackvelveteen1339 @monboudoir @darleneslane @bbyanarchist @@spideysimpossiblegirl
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roosterforme · 10 months
Text
The Younger Kind Part 19 | Rooster x Reader
Summary: You and Bradley have resorted to planning accidental run-ins as an excuse to see each other. When Penny insists that Bradley joins her and Maverick for dinner on Thursday night, you agree to watch Noah. But dinner doesn't turn out the way he thought it would.
Warnings: Angst, fluff, swearing, and age gap (18+)
Length: 4100 words
Pairing: Single dad!Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x babysitter!female reader
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After Meredith managed to throw off Bradley's entire week, he was really antsy to see you, and he could tell Noah was, too. He really couldn't fathom how Meredith got the hearing postponed, and every time Bradley thought he was prepared, she threw him for a loop. 
He couldn't stand the thought of Noah worried and upset, being forced to answer questions about his home and his life in the courtroom. Even the idea of Meredith being allowed in the same room as Noah had Bradley clenching and unclenching his fists as he left work on Wednesday. He could tell Maverick was getting a bit annoyed that he kept asking to use his time off and then changing the schedule. 
When he checked his phone as he climbed into the Bronco, Bradley saw a text from you.
Babysitter: I'm going grocery shopping tonight. I thought maybe there was a chance I could "bump into" you boys at the store?
Bradley could always groceries anyway, and he knew that spending a little bit of time with you was just what he needed. He asked you which store and what time, and then he picked up Noah and took a few minutes to get changed and fix his hair. 
More than anything, he wanted to be able to invite you back to his place, do the bare minimum to help you make a perfect dinner, and then clean up while you and Noah played with the blocks. The option to make that a routine was in Bradley's brain now, and he knew it wasn't going to go away. You should be here with him.
"Let's go shopping, bub," he told Noah. "I'll get stuff to make ants on logs."
"Just like my babysitter?" 
"Just like Princess," Bradley agreed, and soon they were on their way to the store. 
Bradley had Noah buckled in a shopping car, strolling aimlessly through the produce area, looking around for you. He tossed some bananas and carrots in along with some apples, and then Noah was smiling and trying to climb out of the cart. Bradley looked over his shoulder and saw you pushing your own cart toward them. Then you let go of it and rushed over to them.
"Hi," you said to Bradley, barely glancing at him before you wrapped Noah in a tight hug. "Can I help you shop? Make sure your dad buys you all the good stuff?"
"Yes!" Noah cheered, and Bradley just shook his head. He really wanted to kiss you, but he kept his lips to himself. After running into Meredith at the coffee shop, he was a little hesitant.
"Hi, Princess," he whispered in his Daddy voice, and you finally looked up at him with a smirk. 
Then you and he pushed your carts along slowly, adding groceries and sharing some subtle touches. When you reached for him in the cereal aisle, Bradley didn't stop you. He let your hand come to rest on his chest, and when your lips met his in the softest kiss while Noah picked out some Cheerios, he pulled you a little closer. 
"I can't stay away from you," he whispered as you took a small step backwards out of his arms. 
You looked between him and Noah, and Bradley could see longing and sadness in your eyes. "I don't want you to. I miss being at your house. Do you think you'll be able to come to my graduation?" you asked, and Bradley would have done anything you wanted. 
"Of course," he promised, hoping like hell he could make that happen. He wanted to be there to make you happy. And because he was so proud of you. And because Noah loved you. "We'll be there."
You slipped your hand in his and kissed Noah's rosy cheek. "You should get some Rice Krispies too."
Bradley added a box to this cart and followed you around the store, soaking up your presence and attention and hoping he'd get more of you soon.
------------------------
Bradley was at home, unpacking bag after bag of groceries. You didn't let them leave the store until he had plenty of food, and he told you he wanted to take you home and unload you from his car, too. You laughed, but he was pretty fucking serious about it.
Noah was coloring as Bradley put away some pasta sauce when his phone started blowing up. He got texts from Nat and Penny at the same time, but before he could respond to either one of them, Tracy called him.
"Apparently Meredith was in breach of contract with her lawyer," she told him immediately. 
Bradley held onto the jar of sauce and asked, "What does that mean?"
"Could mean a number of things, but the bottom line is, her lawyer walked out because of something Meredith did intentionally. And apparently she found new representation, and the judge is adamantly refusing any further postponements. So please, be ready for next week. You and Noah both."
Bradley swallowed hard and nearly dropped the jar as his eyes landed on his son. "We're ready."
He finished with the groceries and made two sandwiches. Nat was already bugging him about Thursday night, trying to get him to stop by her place for a drink. And Penny was asking if he was free to have dinner with her and Mav. Apparently she wanted to chat with him about his future.
Bradley sighed and bit into his sandwich, watching Noah eat his as well. He knew everyone was concerned about how he was dealing with everything, but he just wanted them all to fuck off. A movie night with you and Noah was the only thing he really wanted. The three of you could watch a Disney movie before Noah's bedtime, and then Bradley would take you to his bed and spend hours making you cum with his lips all over your body.
He leaned back and sighed. Nat wasn't going to leave him alone until he texted her back. And Penny was likely to get Mav to side with her until Bradley agreed to meet them for dinner. So he texted you.
Princess, any chance you can watch Noah tomorrow night? Penny wants me to have dinner with them.
Your nearly instant response of "I would love to" had him smiling. 
"Hey, bub, wanna play with your babysitter again this week?"
Noah had jelly all over his cheek which made Bradley smile. "She can cook the food so you don't do it," he said innocently. And Bradley thought he made a very good point. If Bradley tried to cook half of the groceries he just bought, he and Noah would be starving in no time. 
"Yeah, that's a good idea," Bradley told his son. And now he could look forward to tomorrow, knowing he'd see you then.
----------------------------
You dressed for the evening with Noah like you were going on a date. Because you were hoping Bradley would take one look at you and rush back home after dinner to spend some time with you. Having a sleepover was probably out of the question, but you were definitely interested in recreating some of your dirty moments on the living room couch with him.
You moaned as you applied some eyeliner. You already packed up your bag with some new coloring books, and you made a playlist of kid friendly songs for Noah. He loved singing with you, and you knew Bradley was a bit of a music buff. With a little luck, Meredith would be out of the picture soon, and you could spend more time with your boys, listening to music and hanging out. 
When you checked the time, you dashed downstairs to slip your shoes on. Bradley asked if you could be there by 5:30 which seemed pretty early for dinner. But you promised him you would be. You grabbed some skittles to share with Noah and ran out to your car. When you caught your reflection in the window, you smiled. You looked good. You couldn't wait to see Bradley.
The front door was unlocked when you arrived. "Hi! It's me!" you called out, and Noah came running right for you. "Noah! I missed babysitting you!" you laughed, scooping him up as your tote bag slipped down your arm. "I brought songs and stuff to color and a snack."
"What kind of snack?" he asked, and you smiled.
"I'll show you after I make you dinner."
And then Bradley was in the living room doorway, looking so good, your mouth was watering. Snug jeans, fitted dress shirt, slightly messy hair. Fuck.
"Princess," he rasped, walking toward you with a smile on his handsome face. He leaned down and kissed your cheek while Noah was in your arms, and that thrilled you. Then he held up a key. The house key you practically threw at him when you stormed out in tears after he was so mean to you. "Will you take this back? Please?"
When you nodded, he slipped it inside your tote bag and then slipped the straps down your arm and set it down for you. He was examining your face, his eyes trailing down your neck and body while Noah rambled about a cartoon he had seen. The subtle flush of Bradley's cheeks as his eyes returned to your face had you squeezing your thighs together. 
Somehow he could tell. He knew what he did to you. The little grin on his lips as he kissed your neck made you want to roll your eyes. "I'll see you later, Princess," he whispered, running his fingers along your arm as he kissed the top of Noah's head. 
And then he was gone, and you were left with Noah. "Mac and cheese? Or spaghetti?" you asked.
Noah yawned as you set him down on the carpet next to the snag. Next to where you and Bradley had sex the very first time. You sighed, already counting down the time until he'd be back home. 
"Ummm, mac and cheese."
"You got it!"
You taught Noah some new songs while you cooked the pasta, and he colored a spaceship purple. But you noticed he was a little quiet, and he was yawning a lot. 
"You okay?" you asked him softly when you set his dinner down in front of him. He just nodded as you poured him some milk. "You wish your dad was home?" He nodded some more, but at least he was eating and drinking. But when he was done, he was reaching for you with his cheesy hands. You cleaned him up a bit and tried to play with blocks on the floor. You even offered to get the paper crowns. But he only seemed interested in watching a cartoon on the couch.
So you let Noah curl up on your lap, but soon he was asleep. And when you pushed your fingers through his soft, curly hair, you noticed his forehead felt warm. You let your palm rest softly against his skin. He definitely had a fever. 
You managed to slide out from beneath him, letting him rest on the couch while you went in search of a thermometer. After tearing apart the bathroom and the drawers in Noah's dresser, you were getting frustrated. You backtracked to the bathroom and then checked the first aid kit in the kitchen. Nothing. 
Before you dug around in Bradley's bedroom, you thought you ought to text him. 
Hey Daddy, I think Noah has a fever. Where's your thermometer? 
But you got no response from him. And when Noah woke up a little while later, crying for you, he had very rosy cheeks and a runny nose.
"It's okay, sweet Noah. I'm right here," you promised, picking him up and carrying him around with you. "You don't feel well, do you? Do you know where your daddy keeps the thermometer?"
"No," he whined, crying a little harder. His forehead felt even warmer now as he rested his face against your neck, so you decided to run a bath to help him cool down. 
You checked the time on your phone again. It was pretty late, and you wished Bradley would answer your text or just come home. You poured out a dose of the children's Tylenol you found in the bathroom and knelt down next to the tub. 
"Drink this up. It tastes like cherries," you promised, coaxing the liquid into his mouth. Then you brushed your fingers through his hair as you ran a washcloth all over his skin. 
At this point, you had sent several unanswered texts, so you decided to call Bradley and interrupt his dinner with Penny and Pete. He might even be on his way home. You weren't worried, exactly; you were studying pediatric nursing. But you really wanted to know exactly what Noah's temperature was, and you wanted to care for him the way Bradley always did when he was sick. You figured that would make Noah feel better. 
"It's okay," you whispered to Noah. "I'm sure your dad will be home soon." 
You wiped tears away from his eyes while you called Bradley. But when someone else answered his phone, your heart sank, and you could feel tears in your own eyes. 
-------------------------
Bradley lounged on Nat's couch and sipped a beer. He had about an hour until he was supposed to meet Penny and Mav, and it was so nice to just spend some time with her here. 
She plopped down on the couch next to him. "So your babysitter is with Noah tonight?"
Bradley snorted as he peeled away the label from the bottle. "I wouldn't call her that."
Nat rolled her eyes and asked, "So would you call her your girlfriend then?"
"Nope," he murmured. "Not allowed to do that yet."
"Yet?"
"Yet," he replied, taking another long sip. "But as soon as I can get Meredith out of the picture, I'm asking her to move in with us."
Nat whistled. "Wow. Skipping right to the point, I guess? No more dating apps ever again?"
"Nope," he said with a smile. And then he did absolutely nothing for a full hour except bullshit with his best friend. 
"Have a nice dinner with Penny," Nat said as Bradley stood to leave. "You know she worries about you, right? Kind of wants to be a stand-in mom and grandma to you and Noah?"
"Yeah," Bradley grunted. She meant well. Penny always meant well. And she was a huge help with Noah, even going so far as to keep him when Bradley was deployed. "She just wants to be helpful. I gotta get to dinner with her. See you at work tomorrow."
"Yeah, you should be in a great mood after Penny buys you an overpriced steak and you go home to your dream girl."
"Goodnight, Nat," he said with a grin before he walked out to his Bronco. 
He was really looking forward to the overpriced steak now. He knew was running a little late as he left Nat's place, but when he passed a flower shop that was still open, he quickly stopped to get you a bouquet of flowers. Wildflowers. They smelled just like you. He set them on his passenger seat, and he couldn't wait to get home after he ate dinner and give them to you. 
He found a parking space right in front of the restaurant, and after he hopped out, he jogged inside, ready to apologize for being a few minutes late. "Hi," he said when the hostess smiled at him. But before he could say anything else, he heard someone calling his name.
"Bradley."
He spun to see Helen stand up from a table and make her way over to him. She was wearing a very short dress and some high heels, and it struck Bradley that he had never seen her in anything other than a Hard Deck shirt. He'd also never seen her anywhere except the Hard Deck. It was kind of surreal. 
"Helen," he said with a nod, but she strolled right up to him and wrapped her hands around his forearm. Her nails were a boring shade of pink, and he started to imagine your purple nails and soft skin. 
"Come on, Bradley," she said with a laugh, trying to pull him away from the hostess. "I already have a table."
He cocked his head to one side slightly and then glanced down at her hands still on him. "I'm actually here to meet Penny for dinner."
She was shaking her head and biting her lip as she tugged on his arm until he started following her. "You're not here to have dinner with Penny."
"I'm not?" he asked with a laugh, looking around and seeing no signs of her or Maverick. 
"No," she said, planting her palm on his chest and guiding him toward an empty chair. She patted his chest as he sat, and she took the seat next to him. "I got Penny to get you to agree to come here so we could have dinner together." Bradley's heart was pounding as she put her hand on his knee, but he was completely frozen now. "After she told Missy and I that you were dating again, I told her I've had a thing for you for years, Rooster."
"Oh," he managed, still thoroughly confused as to how this had happened exactly. "Okay."
She laughed and sipped a martini as she rubbed his leg. "I just thought you and I could definitely have a lot of fun together. Either dating or just... you know."
He knew. He knew exactly what she meant. And right now he was absolutely livid with Penny. But he was also livid with himself, because he had never taken the time he should have with you. Because even in spite of Meredith, he should have been in a real relationship with you by now.
"Uh, Helen," he murmured, pulling his phone out of his pocket as a means to get her to move her hand. He set his phone down on the table and said, "I'm kind of seeing someone."
"Oh," she said softly. "Penny told me you weren't. She said you were too focused on Noah and your ex."
Bradley cradled his head in his hand. "I mean, I am. But I'm also seeing someone else. It's new. Penny didn't know."
Helen looked dejected, but she shrugged and said, "If you're just kind of seeing someone and it's new, staying for dinner wouldn't hurt anything. I already ordered you a beer. I know exactly what you like." He couldn't help but notice the way she leaned toward him and pressed her breasts together. And then he saw his favorite kind of beer sitting on the table next to her martini. 
Suddenly an overpriced steak was the last thing he wanted. "Just the drinks, okay? Then we'll call it a night. Excuse me for a minute." 
He stood and headed to the restroom as she nodded at him. But he made it all the way to the men's room before he realized he left his phone on the table and couldn't even text you to check in. All he wanted was to get back home to you and Noah as soon as possible, but he was going to have to have a drink first. He really hoped Helen could finish that fucking martini quickly. 
After he splashed some water on his face, he rolled his shoulders back and sighed. He would need to have a discussion with Penny about this. But when he saw Helen talking on his phone as he approached the table again, he started walking faster. 
----------------------------
A woman had answered Bradley's phone. And it definitely wasn't Penny. It wasn't even Natasha. You were frozen, one hand on Noah's forehead and the other gripping your phone to your ear. 
"Hello?" came the woman's voice again. "Hello?" She sounded annoyed now.
"Where's Bradley?" you asked, your voice breaking pitifully. 
"He just ran to the restroom."
You swallowed hard and managed to ask, "Who are you?"
"Helen," she replied, and you nearly dropped your phone into the bathtub. Why was he with Helen? 
"Where are you?"
"We're out to dinner," she replied, and you could practically hear the smirk in her voice. "Shouldn't you know that if you're the babysitter?"
He lied to you. He lied to you again. He told you he was going out with Penny and Pete. He told you that you meant something to him. That he was waiting to be in a relationship with you. That you were the only one. 
"Put him on the phone. Now," you said with as much force as you could muster. Noah was crying again, and now your eyes were filled with tears, too.
"I'll have him call you back when he comes back to the table." 
The sound of her voice was grating on your nerves as you abruptly stood. Noah was looking up at you, his pink cheeks streaked with tears. "Tell him his son is sick, and I don't appreciate any of this!" you shouted. 
Helen said something about having Bradley call you back, but you were too busy trying to end the call before you burst into tears. 
"I'm cold," Noah whined. You looked at him and then dropped back to your knees to fill the tub up with some warmer water.
"Sorry," you whispered, swiping at your tears before you pushed his hair away from his damp forehead. "I'll fix it for you."
And then your phone started ringing. Bradley was calling you back.
---------------------------
"Okay, well, I'll have him call you back, but we're still in the middle of dinner," Helen said, and then she ended the call and set his phone down.
"Who was that?" Bradley asked, startling Helen as he loomed over her. 
"Your babysitter," she said with an eye roll. "I saw that's who it was on the caller ID, so I thought I'd answer it for you. She said your son is sick, but it's probably just a tummy ache."
"Noah's sick?" he asked, sinking down into his chair and fumbling with his phone. If you were calling to tell him there was something wrong with Noah, then it was definitely more than just a tummy ache. Then he noticed that he had somehow missed some texts from you as well. 
"I'm sure he's fine," Helen said smoothly. "Are you sure you don't want to order dinner? I'm starving, and I've heard the steaks here are excellent."
But Bradley barely heard her as he tried to call you back, listening to it ring and ring before you picked up. 
"Hi," you muttered without emotion. 
"Is Noah okay? What's wrong?" he asked. He was met with silence. "Princess, what's going on?"
He heard your humorless laugh before you said, "That's what I should be asking you. And Helen."
Fuck. Bradley knew what you must be thinking right now as he stood and glared at Helen across the table. "Baby, I'm on my way home. What's wrong with Noah?"
"He has a fever, and he's miserable. And I can't find your thermometer. And don't call me baby," you spat, and Bradley quickly tossed some cash onto the table and started heading for the exit.
"I'm on my way home right now, okay? I'll take care of everything. I'll explain everything." 
But you had hung up on him. And now he was panicking. About Noah and about you.
"Bradley!" Helen called, running after him. "Can you at least give me a ride home? I took an Uber to get here."
"Fine," he growled, barely listening as he stormed out to the sidewalk. When he opened his door and climbed in, the Bronco smelled like the flowers he had purchased for you on his way to the restaurant. 
"Fuck!" he nearly shouted as he drove away. He was vaguely aware that Helen was with him. He'd worry about that later. You and Noah were his primary concerns right now, and he'd figure that out first.
"Your babysitter is the girl you're kind of seeing?" she asked as he neared his neighborhood.
"Yeah," he grunted. "And it's actually not that new. And it's not casual at all." 
She remained quiet as he pulled in and parked next to your car. He left her in the Bronco. Hell, he wasn't even sure if he closed the driver's side door as he ran up his sidewalk and unlocked his front door.
"Princess? Noah?" he called out, frantically looking around the kitchen and Noah's bedroom before he saw the bathroom light was on. "Baby, what's going on?" he asked when he saw you kneeling on the mat next to the tub while Noah sat in the bath.
Slowly, you rose to your feet and turned to face him, and Bradley had never seen your beautiful face so angry before. Tears were dripping from your eyes as you took a step closer to him.
"Daddy!" Noah called out. And between the look on your face and his son sobbing in the bath, Bradley had no idea how he was going to fix any of this.
"I can't believe you lied to me again," you gasped. "I can't believe I let you lie to me again." 
And when he reached for you, trying to explain what happened, you pushed his hand out of the way.
-----------------------------
Oh, shit. Hope you enjoy your fic, @beyondthesefourwalls And thank you @mak-32 !
PART 20
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lovelyflowers-world · 4 months
Text
Lemon Girl
So I thought about this when listening to Lemon boy by cavetown I think it's pretty good I don't know though
Percy Jackson x Reader
⋆⁺。˚⋆˙‧₊☽ ◯ ☾₊‧˙⋆˚。⁺⋆
There once was a bitter sweet man and they called him lemon boy 
It was never easy being the daughter of Nyx people never seemed to want to be near me because my mother was one of the most feared goddesses she was even feared by Zeus himself.
 So I kept to myself in the garden I planted away from everyone in my own bitterness. Until he came around he was like a dam weed he just wouldn't go away no matter how much I pushed him to go away. 
"I'm Percy. Percy Jackson son of Poseidon"
"(Y/N) daughter of Nyx please go away you're stepping on my carrots" 
He was growing in my garden and I pulled him out by his hair like a weed and like weeds do he only came and grew back again 
It seemed no matter how long or hard I pushed and pushed he was always there waving to me or by my side trying to speak to me 
"What are those?" 
"They're snapdragons" 
"And what are those" 
"Fly traps" 
So I figured this time I might as well let him be 
After awhile I got used to him being around so much it seemed like he just became a part of my routine like clockwork he was there every day after his practices so I thought 'might as well put him to work' 
"Wait so how do I do this?" 
I rolled my eyes "If they've fully blossomed cut them and take out the thorns and put them in the bucket sound simple?"
"okay got it!" 
He never seemed to complain always happy to be there 
Lemon boy and me started to get along together I helped him plant his seeds and we mowed the lawn in bad weather
"So you're just going to dig a small holes about four inches deep and plant your seeds and if we take care of it good enough you'll have a watermelon patch" I looked over to him and smiled 
He smiled back and nodded and got to work. He never seemed to care about all the dirt and bugs he'd had to encounter 
But soon his bittersweet started to rub off on me 
I looked over and saw Clarisse picking on Percy I ran over 
"HEY!" They looked over to me Clarisse was scared as shit "Why don't you go shove your spear up your ass or something Clarisse!" I grabbed Percy and pushed him away as we walked off 
"Thanks" I looked to him and rolled my eyes 
"Yeah well I wasn't doing it for you I was doing it because she almost pushed you into my lilies" I blushed and ran off 
"GET TO WORK SEAWEED BRAIN!" 
I found out that my friends are more of the savory type and they weren't too keen on compromising with a nice lemon pie
"why are you hanging out with her?!" 
I looked over and saw Percy talking to Annabeth they looked to me and I looked away 
"She's nice I actually really like hanging out with her" 
"She's bad news Percy her mom is the goddess of night of darkness!" 
I sighed and walked further away I knew this day would come he'd leave soon enough 
"Hey I picked the oranges you asked for" 
I looked over and he was smiling at me...maybe he wasn't going to leave 
But what if I run out of fertilizer?
"Idiot! Be careful!" 
I grabbed onto Percy's hand pressing a towel against it he cut himself on a knife cutting off a piece of orange for himself 
"Aw does the big bad bitter (Y/n) care about me?" 
I rolled my eyes and applied more pressure than necessary on his wound and walked away 
"As if I'd care about you seaweed brain" 
What if the clouds run out of rain?
"You're going on a quest?" 
"Yeah it shouldn't take long we're just going to track down a demigod who needs help" 
I looked at him I was concerned what if Percy didn't come back I'd be all alone again I'd loose the only friend I've had in my fifteen years of being here 
"Hey don't worry I'll be okay I have Annabeth and Grover to help me" 
He smiled and I nodded he hugged me I was so surprised 
"take care of my watermelon patch" 
I rolled my eyes and pat his back and sighed 
"You better come back or else I'll rip your your watermelon patch and plant a lemon tree" 
He laughed oh gods please let him come back home safely 
What if Lemon boy won't grow no longer?
It's been a month and Percy hasn't come back I've been more worried than I ever have been as I continued to cut the roses I heard footsteps 
"(Y/N) here Chiron asked me to deliver this to you" 
I turned around and saw a child of Hermes hand me a letter sealed with a brown envelope I smiled up at them they looked stunned 
"Thank you" 
I got up and walked away 
"Did she just tell you thank you?!" 
"Oh my gods" 
"Percy definitely changed her" 
I rolled my eyes and walked into my cabin and looked at the letter reading the name 
"Percy" 
What if beaches dry of sugar cane?
Run. 
That was the only thing on my mind as I ran in the rain my clothing soaked to the max I could care less about that I had only one thing on my mind 
"PERCY!" 
I ran toward the med cabin 
The whales start to beach themselves
People were trying to push me back keeping me from going inside 
"STOP! STOP I HAVE TO SEE HIM!" 
I pushed them all back and ran into Chiron we just stood silent in front of each other it was like I was communicating with him 'please I have to see him' 
He moved aside 
Tortoise shells tear away from their spines
I walked up to his bed slowly Grover and Annabeth by his sides looked to me 
"We're sorry (Y/n) we tried to stop him but he was trying to protect the new demigod and..and he got hurt" 
It happens all the time, it happens all the time
I don't even know who was talking to me I was too busy staring at Percy his body battered and bruised a large gash on his stomach that was bandaged 
They up to me patting me on the shoulder and walked away to leave me alone with him I walked up to his side and fell to my knees hugging his waist crying into it 
"Percy..Percy you stupid idiot you said you'd be safe"
Lemon Boy and I, we're gonna live forever
I woke up to the sound of Percy taking a deep breath I moved away from him and he looked at me confused 
"(Y/N)?" 
I wasted no time in hugging him I was crying even harder than last night 
"Percy! Percy you idiot I told you to be safe! What the hell!?" 
He chuckled and hugged me back tightly he moved me back a bit to look me in the eyes 
"I thought you didn't care about me?" 
I smiled and shook my head 
Like Snufkin and Little My, we'll get around wherever
Me and Percy were walking through camp flowers in hand handing them out to people my roses grew beautifully this season all thanks to Percy 
"Imagine that Percy Jackson and (Y/n) (L/n)?" 
"She seems a lot less bitter with him around" 
"I like it" 
I smiled and walked closer to Percy bumping my shoulder with his 
"where to next seaweed brain?" 
Lemon Boy and I, we're gonna live forever
Me and Percy were running around past curfew laughing hand in hand  
"Percy where are we going?!" 
"You'll see" 
He looked back at me for a moment before looking forward again running faster I laughed louder 
"Percy hold on!" 
Like Snufkin and Little My, we'll get around wherever
We stopped at my garden under my lemon tree there was a nice picnic set out 
"Percy? is this-" 
"For us? Yes yes it is" 
He dragged me to the blanket and sat me down handing me a plate 
"Lemon pie?" 
"I know it's your favorite" 
I blushed and looked away embarrassed I looked up to sky the stars and moon looked beautiful 
"They're not as beautiful as you" 
I probably looked like a cherry now jeez this boy is going to kill me 
It's actually pretty easy being nice to a bitter boy like him
Me and Percy were working in the garden when a few other people came around 
"Hey can we help you (Y/n)?" 
"Yeah I want to help too!" 
"Can you teach me how to care for my plants they're starting to die" 
I was getting overwhelmed by all the talk happening that's when Percy stepped in 
"Hey back off my girlfriend will you one at a time" 
'Girlfriend!?' 
Cause we're the bitterest boys in town
Me and Percy were sitting by the lake watching the sunset He leaned his head on my shoulder 
"So about what happened earlier- I didn't mean to call you my girlfriend- I mean not that I would mind for you to be my girlfriend I would love that- but of course you have a choic-" 
Cause we're the bitterest boys in town
I kissed him and once I pulled away I looked at him and smiled 
"I would love nothing more than to be your girlfriend Percy" 
I leaned my head on his shoulder as I looked back to the sunset I heard him sigh in relief 
"cool" 
He leaned his head on top of mine 
Yeah I definitely got used to him and I don't regret it 
And I got myself a citrus friend
⋆⁺。˚⋆˙‧₊☽ ◯ ☾₊‧˙⋆˚。⁺⋆
Go check out my fanfiction Riptide on wattpad link in my page <3
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fic-over-cannon · 4 months
Text
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Words Left Unsaid
jason todd x f!reader
ao3 link
summary: jason todd is your childhood best friend. he dies before his Words come in, the first words his soulmate will say to him, and you have to pick up the pieces.
tags: soulmate au, major character death (temporary), grief
rated mature | wc: 8.8k
a/n: so this monster of a story was based on an ask i sent to @jasonsmirrorball a while back (don’t read for spoilers). it pretty much took on a life of its own, and now here we are nearly 9k later. it does get pretty dark in its exploration of grief, so please take care of yourselves my lovelies.
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Everyone’s born with Words somewhere on their body, unreadable at first. The skin is shiny, like an old scar, the words blurry and undefined. One day, you’ll see the first words you’ll ever hear your soulmate say to you, that shiny patch of skin blooming like ink (there’s superstitions about the colour your Words fade into, as popular as astrology). The trick of the thing is, you won’t find out what your Words are until you’ve become the person who is meant to hear them. You could meet your soulmate a hundred times and not know it, not until you’ve both grown into the people you need to be. The youngest person to get their Words was seven, and the oldest 92 years young. Or so the stories go. When you’re young, still poking at your loose front tooth with your tongue, it’s a story that comforts you. It’s the story you beg your parents for before bed every night. It’s the carrot they use to get you to try new things and go new places. What if you meet your soulmate at the new movie theatre downtown? How do you know eating your veggies won’t develop you into who your soulmate needs you to be?
It’s what your mother uses to try and coax you out of the car for your first day at a new school. She’s driven you to school for your first day, a one off so she can finish up your admittance paperwork. In this moment you hate her for it. It’s February and the year is more than halfway over. The snow has melted into dirty grey slush in the streets and the pinching Mary Janes the school mandates as part of the uniform are going to provide no protection. It’s halfway through the year and you’re certain no one is going to be your friend at a new school in a new city. You’re twelve years old and to you this is the end of the world. You’re trying so hard not to cry, hugging yourself together and burying your chin in your chest.
“Come on, honey, this is a school. It’ll help you become who you need to be.”
Your mother’s voice is cajoling, trying to coax you out the same way she coaxed a stray cat into her arms. It worked on the cat, now named Haley after the comet, but it doesn’t work on you. She tries to catch your eye in the rear view mirror but you stubbornly turn your head to look out the window instead.
“Please. Work with me here. We’ll go in together, you’ll have a wonderful day and make so many friends. And after school, I’ll take you out for donuts and you can tell me all about it before your Dad gets home.”
You keep silent, continue to stare out the window at all the other kids walking into the building.
“Honey, please. Can you just do this one thing for me, please.”
She’s almost begging now, and you hate the way it makes her sound. You want to tell her how scared you are, how there’s nothing more you want to do except huddle under your covers in your unfamiliar bed and hold Haley close. But your fear is a hot ball in your chest, choking off any words that might come out. You look at her though, plead with her with your eyes to understand how much you don’t want to do this. She stares back at you, an exhausted slump to her shoulders and lines around her eyes you don’t remember being there. Slowly, you unwrap your arms from around your rib cage. Place a hand on each knobbly knee and slowly curl them into fists before nodding, once, sharply, eyes firmly fixed on the car seat in front of you. Your eyes burn, but the sigh of relief your mother heaves out is worth it.
Gotham Academy is housed in a collection of gothic stone buildings which should have been strange in a large city like Gotham but weirdly works. You just think it’s creepy. Head down, you follow your mother’s back weaving through the crowds of students. You don’t want to see the stares, but you can already feel them boring into you. Sitting in the secretary’s office, you pick at invisible lint on your knitted tights. You know your mother’s having a conversation with the secretary but it all flies over your head in shushing murmurs. Your back aches from the overstuffed chair. The Mary Janes do pinch, makes you worried that you’ve already twisted your ankles from the way they throb.
“I’ve got to get to work now sweet pea, but I just now you’re going to have a great first day. I’ll pick you up at 4:00 and we can go get those donuts okay?”
Your mother’s crouched down in front of you, eyes searching your face for any kind of reaction. She looks worried and that’s what causes you to crack. You fling yourself out of the chair and into her arms, allow yourself one great heaving sob into her shoulder. She strokes your hair and hushes you, squeezes you tight like she could make you part of her.
“Oh honey. Everything’s scary right now but I promise it’s not going to stay that way. I believe in you and you’re going to get through this.”
You draw back from her, scrub at your face with your fists. Heaving breaths don’t help but they don’t make it worse. You go with the secretary, new schedule twisted tight in your hands. She lets you discard your coat and backpack in a locker, before walking you to your new homeroom. You only hope that you’ll remember the locker combination.
You hate the way your new homeroom teacher makes you stand at the front of the room. Mr. Mulligan won’t let you sit down until you introduce yourself to the class, a thing he could have done so easily himself. Pulling at your sleeves and trying not to make eye contact with anyone, you stutter out a few basic facts. Hate the way you can feel the other students catalogue you, the way your hair doesn’t look shiny and straight like its fresh out of a salon, your too small shoes, the unfashionably long length of your skirt and the lack of designer accessories. Your cheeks and eyes are burning by the time you can slide down into your assigned seat near the back of the class. There’s only one other person sitting in your row, a boy with dark curling hair and a shy grin. He leans over to your desk just Mr. Mulligan starts the lecture.
Whispers, “Hi! My name’s Jason. I already know your name, figured if we’re going to be seat mates its only fair you know mine.”
You smile tightly and turn back to the lesson. You’re desperate not to miss anything, already feeling like you’ve been left behind. At your old school, you were in the middle of The Great Gatsby, but Gotham Academy is doing Romeo and Juliet for their seventh grade English class. You don’t have the play book, have no idea what part of the text they’re talking about, and this is the first time you’ve actually heard Shakespeare read out loud. Writing as fast you can, you try to keep up but it doesn’t matter how good your notes are if you don’t understand what the teacher’s talking about.
Usually you love English class, how uncovering symbolism and hidden meanings make you feel like you’re uncovering secret messages sent by the authors years in the past. Now it’s all going over your head and you hate it here so much already. The one class that you might have been looking forward to and you’re overwhelmed by it. You press too hard with your pencil, tear through the sheet of paper in front of you.
A notebook slides across your desk. Messy but legible writing on the first few scenes of the Act are written on it. Looking in the direction it came from, you make eye contact with Jason. He grins toothily before turning back to the front, Mr. Mulligan having moved on to a different quotation. The gesture makes your chest tight.
The rest of the class goes by uneventfully if still a challenge. There’s a short break between classes in which you frantically copy down the notes and slide the notebook back to him before your next teacher arrives. The next class isn’t so bad, still difficult and you’ve never liked math as much as you probably should, but it’s less intimidating than English. Someone must have fiddled with the thermostat during the break because the room feels colder than before. You wish you were on your old school’s schedule with shorter classes and more breaks. Sitting still for so long at your desk is making your back ache and cramp up. Math is almost over, Miss Lewis writing out the assigned homework on the board, when a wave of something comes over you. It’s an effort of will not to curl up on your desk.
The bell rings for lunch break and you just about bolt to the first bathroom you can find. Something’s wrong with you, more than just nerves over the first day. You’re cold but you’re sweating, nausea burning at the back of your throat. The ache in your back and stomach are almost unbearable, makes you want to curl into the fetal position to ward off invisible blows. Rolling down your tights in a hurry, you sit down on the cold toilet as fast as you can. Your hand is wet, and for a moment you worry that you’d lost control of your bladder on the way to the bathroom. But the stain on your hand is dark, matches the blood slick crotch of your panties. You hang your head and can feel the tears you’ve been holding onto all morning drop onto the floor. Just another thing you can’t control in this shitty new town and its stupid new school. Your first period.
The bathroom is cold, hard tile under your feet and wintery sunlight weak through the windows near the ceiling. The blood on your fingers is cold and tacky now. There’s a boundary here, between childhood and being an adult that you aren’t ready to cross yet. I want my mom, you think, only on the edge of hysteria. But she’s at work, wouldn’t be able to come if you called.
So you do what needs to be done, stop your tears as best as you can and sniffle. Wipe your face clean with the back of your sleeve and do your best to dab at your underwear with the single ply toilet paper. Layer sheets of toilet paper between your tights and underwear, build a makeshift pad in your sort-of dry underwear out of toilet paper and hope that it will hold up. Luckily you’ve escaped staining the regulation uniform skirt, so no one should be able to tell what happened. You get transfixed by the swirls of blood washing down the sink drain, hands gone numb under the stream of water. Splash cold water on your face in the vain hope it’ll calm down your puffy eyes. As ready as you can be in this situation, you eye yourself in the mirror and tell yourself to get moving before the bell for third period rings.
The boy from the back row is waiting outside the classroom for you. He looks nervous until he sees you, lights up with that shy smile again.
“Hi! I uh noticed you weren’t at lunch today so I grabbed you an apple in case you didn’t grab anything to eat.”
He’s babbling on about the cafeteria food not being that bad if you’d just try it, even though finding a table the first time can be rough. All you can do is stare at the apple in his hands, transfixed. You’re only shaken out of your stupor by the sound of him calling your name.
“So… are you going to take it? The bell’s going to ring soon and the teachers really don’t like us eating during class.”
“Thank you,” you say, genuinely shocked and touched.
He goes a little bashful at that, looks away as you take the apple from him. The apple’s good, sweet and crisp under your teeth. You make quick work of it in the hallway, finishing it up just as the bell rings. Jason stands right in front of you the whole time, hides you from the penetrating eyes of your classmates.
“All done? We should probably find our seats now. Monty,” and here he adopts a snooty British accent, “Archibald the Third is a real stickler for being on time. He’ll mark you late if you’re not sitting in your seat, even if you’re in the classroom.”
His impression makes you snicker and forget, just for a moment, how miserable you are. Mr. Archibald the Third is just as ridiculous as Jason’s impression of him predicted, but you get through it by making eye contact with Jason over the most ridiculous moments. Mr. Archibald really does have you call him “the Third”. It’s probably got something to do with his Words, a flowing script running vertically down the side of his face reading, “The Third, dear God how many of you are there?”. History with Mr. Archibald manages to be fun despite his absurd demeanor and your own private hurt seeming less terrible for a few scattered moments.
The final class of the day drags on, the pain in your front and back growing. Your hand moves across the page but your mind isn’t really paying attention. There’s a commotion as people gather their things and stand, already streaming out the door. You blink, stupefied, then slowly gather your things.
“Same time, same place tomorrow then?”
“—Yeah. I’ll see you tomorrow Jason.”
Your mother’s waiting for you in front of the school, car idling puffs of smoke into the darkening afternoon. Your backpack lands in the back seat and you crush your face into her coat across the console. Her hands come to your back, patting and rubbing circles until your breath comes in long, even draws.
“Honey I’m so proud of you. Your first day done! Let’s go celebrate, hmm? How was it? Did you make any new friends?”
“Can we get the donuts to go? I— uh, um I— I might have started my period today?”
Your voice lifts on the end of the sentence, suddenly absurdly worried about her reaction. You needn’t have worried though.
“Oh sweet pea, on your first day too? We can go home, get you a bath and something for your cramps.”
“No, I just really want to go get donuts with you because today kind of sucked and I’ll still feel kinda shitty but at least then I get donuts while I feel bad.”
“No more swearing and we’ll get a whole box to go, okay?”
Lying in bed that night, wrapped around a hot water bottle with Haley on your feet, you think that your day wasn’t that bad. It could have been a lot worse, and Jason was surprisingly nice. You stare at the shiny patch of skin on your wrist and hope that one day it will all be worth it. You drift off to the thought of blue eyes.
For the rest of that week you join Jason at his corner in the cafeteria. Between Math and History you slowly start to get to know one another. He offers to let you borrow his notes for the upcoming test in English, gets a little sheepish when he mentions that he practically knows the content by heart anyway. Jason’s sweet and funny and by Friday you two are the best of friends.
Once your mother is confident that you can handle the commute to school on your own, she doesn’t mind if you’re home late as long as you send a text first. Something about socializing with more kids your age being good for you, not that you’re listening too distracted in the haze of victory. So the two of you hang out after school, the city your shared playground. Jason treats you to your first chili dog and laughs when you get some on your nose. In revenge, you dare him to cover his lunch in chili oil at lunch the next day. The way Mr. Archibald threatens you both with detention for being disruptive is so worth it.
It’s not until the middle of April that you get the courage to ask Jason why you. Why out of everyone in the school he chose to reach out to the new kid and make her his friend. It’s probably the most personal thing you’ve asked him yet.
“It’s ‘cause no one else would’ve. Most of the kids here, their families founded Gotham and they’re not keen on outsiders. Most of the scholarship kids, they start at the same time, form a group so the rich kids don’t pick on them so much.” He pauses here, has to look away before he goes on. “Most of the others don’t like me ‘cause I don’t really fit into either category, you know? Like my dad’s a big name in Gotham but he only just adopted me so I’m not really one the rich kids but he’s doing more than just paying my school fees. You looked just as lonely as I was,” here he turns to grin, “and I wasn’t going to give up an opportunity to make someone carry my lunch tray.”
“Hey, idiot, if I remember right it was you bringing me lunch the first time.” You shove at him indignantly, but he dodges too quickly for you.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I can’t remember, on account of me being an idiot.” He flicks you on the tip of the nose and goes running.
And then it’s on. You chase him around the park, laughing and swearing to get your revenge on him. The two of you collapse breathlessly onto a mostly dry patch of dirt under a skeletal tree. Staring up at the sky and trying to catch your breath, you feel Jason nudge at your should beside you.
“So what about you? What brought you to the happiest place on earth?”
“My dad got headhunted for a promotion. He’s researching something for Wayne Industries and all of us had to move here for it. So mom gets a new job and I get transferred to a new school.” You sit up suddenly, look down at Jason lying in the grass. “Promise not to tell anyone?” You wait for him to nod first before continuing. “I only got into Gotham Academy because of my dad. I heard him and my mom arguing about it; he made it part of his contract that I’d get to go to school there if he accepted the job.”
“So? I’m only at GA because of my dad too. You think a kid from Crime Alley gets to go to private school without a little nepotism?”
You slump back down on to the grass, stretch a hand out to the sky and look up at it.
“To nepotism I guess.”
A hand reaches up to the sky next to yours. Slowly, ever so slowly he reaches a pinky out and links it with yours.
“To two misfits only here because of nepotism.”
School lets out in June, the city air ridiculously hot and humid. You can’t say that you’ve made any good friends outside of Jason, but there’s some girls you say hello to in the halls. You mourn not being able to see Jason everyday, but the plans you have to meet up are enough to soothe the ache.
He takes you to an arcade first, the two of you spending hours trying to beat each other at Pac Man. Tired but happy you split a basket of fries at the attached cafeteria. You’re enjoying the greasy fried goodness of the snack but you notice Jason isn’t reaching for the basket as quickly as you are. Looking over at him, you notice him staring at a pair of brothers playing a game. The younger whoops, jumps up and down in excitement. The older one ruffles his brother’s hair and challenges him to a new round. You toss a fry in Jason’s direction, surprised when he actually manages to catch it.
“You good?”
“—Yeah. It’s just, I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it? But I kind of have an older brother and he was supposed to take me to the arcade last weekend but he got in a fight with Dad and just left.”
“That’s a real dick move, ditching you over his issues.” At that, Jason breaks out in hysterical laughter, almost choking on the fry in his mouth. There are tears in his eyes by the time he stops coughing but he looks slightly less like a kicked puppy.
“It really, really was. You don’t know how much it was.”
Happy that the mood has lifted, the two of you finish off the basket of fries. You challenge Jason to Dance Dance Revolution and he wipes the floor with you. He’s way more athletic than you’d expected from him. The two of you part ways happy, already planning your next hang out. It is enough.
You meet up almost every week that summer. Jason shows you the Gotham he knows, little hidden gems only locals know about. A movie theatre that only shows movies made before 1980, a diner with the best milkshakes you’ve ever tasted, the best places in the public library to read undisturbed. Teaches you about the safest places to evacuate when disaster hits, which parts of the city are most dangerous. The park and its chili dog stand quickly become a favourite for you, a place to just hang out without any responsibilities. It also becomes a kind of confessional of sorts, where you end up telling each other your worst fears and secret hopes.
You confess once, after riding out your first Rogue attack with your fingers buried in Jason’s T-shirt, that you’re worried you’ll never feel at home again. That you can never go back now to your old house and feel at home there now, but that Gotham still feels too alien to be called home yet. Your darkest fear, that you’ll end up alone one day, deserted by everyone that you know and love. Jason tells you about his fears that one day all of this, Bruce and Alfred, the manor, school, will disappear one day. That the big brother he looks up to will never start to like him. Every time the two of you bare your souls to each other, Jason will hook his pinky over yours and squeeze. It’s a friendship built on shared secrets, on fears assuaged, and worries made better.
Your last year of middle school is largely uneventful. You got to classes, have lunch with Jason, hang out after class with Jason, text Jason. You get into a routine and that brings you comfort. There’s a slight period of awkwardness right before the 8th grade formal. A weird tension envelopes you both, the nebulous question of if you’re going together hanging over you. You don’t like it, the way Jason seems almost hesitant in all your conversations these days. It sets your teeth to itching and you can’t stand it anymore.
Slamming down your textbook, you say “Okay that’s it. I can’t stand whatever this is. You and I are going to the formal as friends. We’ll get all dressed up and if it’s lame we can ditch and go get Batburgers.”
“Oh thank God. I didn’t want to say anything in case it made it awkward but then it was just getting more awkward and then I just didn’t know what to do.”
The party is lame, but the burgers make up for it. Your dress is nice though. Your mother helped you pick it out, the fitted bodice and loose swing of the skirt making you feel passably pretty. It’s been hard to feel pretty with the way your body’s changed over the year, hips widening and chest starting to grow in ways you can’t predict. Jason cleans up nice, though whoever slicked back his hair went overboard on the gel. You pose for a picture all dressed up together, faces pulled into silly expressions, your burgers held in front of you like trophies. You pin a copy of the photo up in your bedroom. It makes you smile every time you see it, something warm in your chest.
The first day of high school brings back those first day jitters. You’re not even transferring schools, just switching to a different building and still your palms are sweating. It’s not until you see Jason, sitting in the back row with an empty seat behind him that you can release the breath you didn’t realize you were holding. It’s different teachers and different subjects, but in some ways it’s like the day you met again. Scribbling notes until your hands cramp, Jason passing you notes in class, struggling to keep up with what the teachers are saying. At lunch, you and Jason even split an apple between you. It’s terrifying and familiar and all the more bearable because you aren’t going through it alone.
High school is different. Everyone’s more aware of each other in ways they weren’t in middle school. Girls wear brighter lip glosses and flaunt the shiny spaces where their marks will come in. Boys douse themselves in too much body spray and start eyeing up anything that moves. But through out it all, your friendship remains the same. Something about high school solidifies things, has you go from You and Jason to YouandJason. At school you’re a unit, almost impossible to think of you as separate beings. After school, you still spend time together, still explore the city, still message all the time. But you’ve still never been to each other’s houses. Never met each other’s families yet.
Jason offers, once, to have you over to the manor during the winter break, but you’re not keen on it. Crinkle up your nose and ask to think about it.
“It’s not that I don’t want to see you over the holiday, or meet your family Jason. It’s just that I kind of like the way things are? My family knows that you’re my best friend, they’ve seen pictures of us, but the way things are now, you’re still entirely mine. Our friendship’s just for us. Meeting your family kind of changes that.”
“I like us being us. But would it really be that different to come hang out for a few hours? You could come over when Dad’s out and it’d just be me and Alfred.”
Eventually you agree, spend an afternoon with Jason at the manor to cram for your next round of tests. Mr. Pennyworth is lovely, keeps bringing snacks up to the library as an excuse to check up on you. Bent over your books, you miss the significant looks Alfred is sending Jason over your head and the blush that lights up his face in response. Mr. Wayne is thankfully not home. You’re not sure you could have handled meeting Jason’s grandfather and father in the same visit.
Jason makes it over to your apartment a few times over the spring semester. Your father’s always working, but your mother likes him well enough. She makes him stay over for dinner, won’t let him leave without feeding him first. She calls him a nice boy and tells him to come back any time. Still, you two prefer going out to coffee shops or the library to hang out, uninterrupted by well-meaning adults.
It’s on one of those summer nights, the two of you some of the last people in the public library, that the subject of your Words comes up. The skin across your left wrist catches the warm light of the lamps in a way that’s distracting. You’re startled by the feeling of fingers tracing featherlight over still-shiny skin.
“You ever wonder it about it sometimes? What it’ll say or who’ll say it?” The tone is unreadable but Jason’s voice is above the whisper he usually uses in the library, but with so few people around you figure there’s no harm in mimicking his volume.
“I used to. I was obsessed with Words when I was little. Couldn’t go to sleep without hearing about them as a bed time story.”
“Used to?” And Jason’s fingers are still there, drawing maddening little patterns across the thin skin of your wrist.
“Well, I’ve got other things to think about now, things that are actually within my control.”
Jason presses down, gently, with the broad of his thumb on your pulse. You snatch back your wrist, cradle it to your chest, uncertain of how intimate that gesture felt.
“Fair’s fair. I showed you mine, now you’ve gotta show me yours.” Your tone is teasing, trying to capture the earlier lightness of the afternoon.
“Oh I do, do I?”
He reaches for the top button on his uniform button down, starts undoing two more. Horrified, you reach across the table and grab at his hands.
“What are you doing?! You can’t just go around stripping in public!” Your hissed whisper may not have been said at all for all the impact it makes. Jason shakes off your hands and goes back to undoing his shirt.
“Not all of us are blessed with easily accessible Words. Relax, I just have to get the shirt wide enough to show how far the Words will go.”
Across his collarbone is a thin strip of shiny skin, reaching from one side of his neck to the other like a necklace. Whatever it will say looks pretty lengthy for someone’s Words. Mesmerized, you reach out to trace it with your fingertips. Jason shifts back before you can make contact.
“Gotta buy me dinner first sweetheart. I’m a classy lady like that.”
You flush at the term of endearment, but cover it with indignation.
“Hey! What do you call the tacos I bought for us yesterday?”
He laughs it off and the tense moment is broken. You pack up your things, smiling at the ground. You like the way sweetheart sounds coming from Jason, not that you’d give him that to tease you with. Despite how much you tell each other, there’s one secret you haven’t told him yet. That privately you hope your Words will be his. It’s so easy to fall in love with Jason, or at least what passes for love at this age. The light in his eyes when he rants about the latest book he’s read, when he shares the biscuits Alfred packs for him, the way he listens to you so intently even if he doesn’t have all the answers. You can admit to yourself that you’re hopelessly in love with your best friend, but never out loud. Your friendship is one of the most important things in your life and you are terrified of destroying it.
You don’t see Jason much after that, that summer. Your texts and calls still get answered, but he’s frustratingly vague about meeting up. He says that his dad has him in a kind of summer school, wants him to learn from private tutors before school starts up in the Fall again. Asking about what it is that he’s supposed to learn (his marks are already incredibly good) makes him cagey about it. You don’t want to push, but it feels like he’s pulling away from you. Phone calls get shorter, sentences more clipped. Your offers to just drop by the manor to see him get turned down automatically. It’s the longest you’ve gone without seeing him since you’ve met. You’re terrified that he’s done with you. That for some unnameable reason he’s decided to end your years of friendship and there’s nothing you can do to stop it from happening. Gotham seems colder without Jason at your side, the dangers more obvious and your usual haunts less welcoming.
Finally, after nearly two months you manage to pin him down, get him to agree to meet the day after his birthday. Your heart is in your mouth as you wait for him on a bench in the park. There’s a trickle of sweat running down your back. It’s a hot day but the park is a lush green, an after effect from an Ivy attack the night before. You release your grip on your present for Jason, smooth the envelope and hope you didn’t crease it with your sweaty fingers. A voice is calling your name.
Jason’s been changed by the weeks apart. He’s a few inches taller now, filled out in the shoulders more. You have to crane your neck back to see his face. The anxiety in you is reflected in his face, the way he nervously runs his fingers through his hair, his darting eyes. Uncertain how to proceed, you thrust the envelope out between you.
“Happy Birthday.”
“I— thank you.”
There’s silence again, and the awkwardness between you is a tangible thing. It’s worse than it was in eighth grade only this time you don’t know how to bridge the gap. You look down at your shoes, the toes scuffed.
“I’m sorry for ignoring you.” It comes out of him in a rush. “I’ve been a really shitty friend lately. Just, all summer my dad’s been on me about studying with these private tutors except they’re all friends with Dick so nothing I do can ever be good enough in comparison and every day I’ve felt like crap but I didn’t want you to see me like this which only made me feel worse ‘cause then I basically had to avoid you all the time which is the exact opposite of what I wanted to do and all I wanted to do was have you tell me there’s nothing wrong with me and they can all go kick dirt but then I’d have to talk to you about it which I wasn’t ‘cause I was already embarrassed.” He has to pause here to catch his breath, words running together at the speed which he was going.
“You planning to breathe any time soon?”
He deflates, collapses onto the bench next to you, an arm tucked around his right side awkwardly holding the card so it doesn’t get crushed. You sigh, heavily.
“I thought you didn’t want to be friends anymore.” Your confession is barely above a whisper. You can’t even look at him as you say it.
“I didn’t— I wouldn’t. I need you to know that I never, ever don’t want to be your friend okay? I was an idiot. I’m sorry.”
“Promise not to cut me out again and that you won’t take out your own issues on our friendship, and maybe I’ll consider forgiving you.”
“Pinky promise.”
Jason places the card in his lap, goes to link your fingers together, then winces at the movement of his arm. Suddenly sirens are going off in your brain.
“What’s wrong with your side?”
“Nothing, must have just pulled a muscle or something.” He tries to laugh it off nervously, but you can tell when he’s lying. His eyes dart to the left over your head, knee bounces almost imperceptibly. His tongue darts out to wet his lips and you know he’s not telling you the truth.
“You can’t even go a full minute without cutting me out! Jason, I know something is wrong. Now tell me.”
He hesitates, and you’ve had it with the lies and the avoidance and the being kept in the dark. You fingers go to the hem of his shirt and you start tugging.
“Hey! Wh-what are you doing?”
He tries to squirm away, batting at your hands but you get his shirt up far enough to see the bruise on his ribs in the shape of a boot. It’s purple going a sickly yellow, mottled and stark against the dips of his ribs. You can feel all the blood drain from your face. Jason’s pushed up against the far side of the bench, pulling his shirt down with shaking hands.
“Jason. Jason if someone is hurting you, you need to tell someone. If it's your dad or one of the tutors, we can find someone to tell together.”
“No one— no one’s hurting me, all right? I just didn’t get out of the way fast enough during a Rogue attack. I didn’t want to worry you, that’s all. No one’s abusing me, okay?”
“But you’d tell me if they were?”
“I tell you everything important.”
It’s not enough, not nearly for you. From the look in his eyes Jason knows this too, but its all he’s willing to give. There’s a crossroads in your relationship here, a road where you push and push until you get the full story but shatter the tattered strands of your friendship or you accept that you’ll never have all of Jason but maybe your friendship will survive. So you do what needs to be done.
“Okay. If you say that’s what happened then I trust you.”
It’s a low blow, to twist your trust in him like a knife, but it’s your only way to express your frustration with him. You gesture to the envelope, fishing around to change the subject.
“So you going to open that or what?”
And just like that, there’s a new normal. You see Jason everyday in class but he begs off your after school hangouts as often as you two actually spend time together. Conversation is stilted, hidden undercurrents to them of subjects neither one of you wants to address. You’re wary, suspicious of every bump and bruise Jason shows up with. The ease to your friendship has gone, disappeared to the realm of the past.
At the end of October, Jason becomes obsessed with the news. Keeps checking headlines and obituaries, fearful like he’s waiting for the other shoe to drop. The death of Felipe Garzonas makes the news and the tension in Jason ratchets up. He’s irritable, stops paying attention in classes, blows up when you try to feel out what’s wrong. He’s apologetic every time, promises it won’t happen again until you eventually stop trying to ask questions. Hope that your presence is enough to steady him through whatever it is that is tormenting him.
He asks you once, if you’d believe in his word, no matter what the evidence of something told you otherwise. You tell him you would, always, but that answer doesn’t seem to make a difference.
Winter break comes and goes, without an invitation to visit this time. If anything, Jason comes back more irritable and closed lipped. Mutters something about a fight over Christmas dinner, his brother and Bruce clashing over something. You’re worried about him all the time now. He’s more reckless with himself, won’t look before crossing the road, reacts aggressively to every perceived challenge, throws things when he gets frustrated. He’s changing into someone you don’t recognize in front of your eyes.
April comes and there’s a new light in his eyes. It’s manic and hopeful and the first emotion you’ve seen in him other than fear in months. He won’t tell you what it is, just that there’s something new he’s found out, something about his mother. This time you hope, fingers crossed and a wish on every star that whatever has brought him this hope won’t hurt him.
On Monday, Jason doesn’t come to school. He doesn’t answer your messages or pick up any of your calls. Even when he’s been out sick he at least lets you know. On Tuesday you get called into the office in the middle of first period. You haven’t been back to the secretary’s office since the day you enrolled. The seats are still as overstuffed as you remember. The secretary is the same, a few more grey streaks in her perfectly set hair. Her eyes are red, and she’s got one of those old fashioned handkerchiefs in her hands.
“I’ve got some bad news honey, and I— I think it would be best if you sit down for it.”
“Oh— will this take long? Only I got pulled out of class and we’re reviewing for the exam next week.”
“Oh honey.” She has to pause to dab at her eyes before continuing. “You’re going to be excused from all exams next week, okay? I need you to know that the school will do whatever we can to support you through this.”
Now, now you are scared. “Support me through what? It’s not my mom is it?”
“Honey it’s Jason, Jason Todd. I’m so sorry but he passed away yesterday. I’ve contacted your parents and your mother is on the way to come pick you up.”
Her words don’t make any sense.
“But he can’t be. I saw him on Saturday. There’s been a mistake. He’s not dead.” Your legs don’t work anymore and you hit the couch, hard, sliding off the overstuffed pillows to kneel on the floor. You don’t feel any of it. There’s copper in your mouth, you must have bitten your tongue on the way down but you can’t feel it. There’s movement in your peripheries, and your mother crouches down into your field of vision.
“Mom, mom they made a mistake. She’s— she’s saying that Jason’s dead, but he can’t be. Mom he’s not dead.”
“Sweet pea, I’m so, so sorry. It’s been on the news all morning.”
It rips through you then, grief. Sobs shake your whole body, your mother doing her best to hold you together. There’s a roaring in your ears like you’re caught in a vacuum. You can’t see through the tears. Your body is trembling violently and you can’t care enough to try and stop it. Nothing matters anymore. Jason’s dead.
To get to the car, your mother has to half carry you. There’s no point in moving. You’re not sure how you end up in your bed at home but you do. You don’t sleep but you aren’t really awake either. The tears don’t stop coming. You’re nothing but an open wound, not even really a whole person. The world’s burned down to ash and you’re just floating through it. You know your parents come in to talk to you, can hear the murmur of their voices but you don’t care. There’s food put in front of you but it holds no interest to you. You might have had sips of water, maybe some broth but you don’t remember and you don’t care. The only thing you really register is Haley, nestling up to you and making biscuits with his paws in your blankets.
Jason’s funeral is on Friday and you can’t get out of bed to go. Jason’s not in that coffin, not really. He won’t be there and so you won’t be. Jason’s never coming home. Jason’s dead, Jason’s dead, Jason’s dead plays on a loop. You never got to tell him. He died without knowing you loved him. His death has ripped you open like nothing ever has before, regret a constant salt in the wound. He never told you that he was thinking of leaving, of going anywhere. It feels wrong at this point, to interrupt his family in their grief, another stranger claiming to have known their son. After all, how well did you really know him if you didn’t even know he was going to leave?
Grief swallows you whole, but over time you learn to live with it. Days blur together. The tears dry up but the not caring doesn’t. Inside of your head is a wall, separating you from the reality of a world without Jason. You’re wrapped in wool and safe behind glass, unable to care about anything. It’s easier that way.
The school passes you for the year, citing personal tragedy, and you don’t care. Summer comes and the only difference is that your mother comes in and throws your windows open every morning. It’s Jason’s birthday soon, too soon. He’ll never be sixteen but you will be. He’ll never have his Words come in. He’ll never get the chance to do all the things he talked about, make Gotham a better place, travel the world. But you can.
It makes no sense to live for a dead boy but it’s all you’ve got. So you do what you have to do. It gets you to leave your bed for the first time in months. To start eating again, even if there’s no taste to the food in your mouth. To shower and take care of yourself for the first time in ages. Your room is clean for the first time in months and the first thing you do is take down your photograph from the 8th grade formal and put it away in a desk drawer.
By September, you have gathered yourself enough to return to school despite the worried looks of your family. It is hard, the hardest thing you have ever done but you do it for the boy that will never graduate high school. You sit by yourself at your desk, you eat lunch by yourself, you go straight home after class without any detours. The school play this year is Romeo and Juliet. You take home the sign up flyer and consider it, hard. In the end you decide to leave it. Jason may have always wanted to try out for the play but you won’t survive torturing yourself with this. On opening night you tell your parents you’re going to see it and get drunk on the gymnasium roof.
You make it through your last two years of high school a ghost. Administration tries to pressure you into meeting with a therapist but you refuse. You don’t want to experience your grief at all. Numbness is the only way you are going to survive this, your new reality. You do take them up on their suggestion of volunteering. Working with the Martha Wayne Foundation for Underprivileged Children gives you a sense of purpose. Of helping other Crime Alley kids without the benefit of nepotism to get them into places like Gotham Academy. It stokes the first emotion in you other than numbness, and that’s rage for all the ways in which these kids have been failed.
You accept a full scholarship to Gotham University. Your parents couldn’t be more proud of your achievement but you can barely muster the energy to smile. Keep up the volunteer work while rushing through your degree in two years instead of four. With nothing else to drive you, you’ve got nothing but time for school. The Martha Wayne Foundation offers you a position in fundraising, and you accept. It’s not what you envisioned for yourself, but it’s a path forward with purpose.
You move out, into your own apartment in an area that’s probably too dangerous for a girl of your age but you can’t stand to be at home anymore. The job consumes your life and you are grateful for it. It’s important work, even if some of the policy meetings on accepting donations from the Red Hood make you want to fall asleep. You make use of your Gotham Prep connections, rubbing elbows with the rich for just as long as it takes to pry open their wallets. It’s ridiculous but the higher ups trot you out to entertain at fundraising events, a pretty young face to pull in more donors. Occasionally you see Bruce, or Dick, or the newest ward Tim at functions, always across the room before you quickly excuse yourself. The numbness carries you through your life but there are limits to it and you’re not eager to test them.
Even five years later, you can’t go back to the park. You’ve never had another chili dog, though you’ll hire the vendor to cater community events. You’ve worked your way back into the public library, but still avoid the alcove on the second floor in the encyclopedia section. There’s a handful of arcade tokens in a plastic bag in your apartment still unused. Batburger is still your favourite, but you still can’t set foot in the location nearest to the Academy.
You keep yourself so busy that when your Words come in, “I’m sorry sweetheart, I didn’t know…”, you barely give it a thought, just pulling the cuff of your shirt lower to cover your wrist. Carry on with the rest of your morning routine and head into the office. From that point on, your sleeves are always long and your gala outfits gain elbow length opera gloves. You never bother trying to read the rest of it. It doesn’t matter anymore.
It’s a cold February morning. The bus broke down two stops from the office and now you have to walk the rest of the way in the snow. Standing at a crosswalk waiting for the light to change, you pass the time by scanning the headlines on the nearest newsstand. “Lost Wayne son found alive” screams out at you, tearing into your heart bloody. You lose grip of your work bag, but manage not to lose your mind in the street. Picking your bag up out of the slush, you run into the nearest bodega bathroom and lock the door with trembling hands. Shove a fist into your mouth and scream as the tears pour down your face. You’re shaking, worse than you were all those years ago. Snot blocks your nose and you have to stop screaming to breathe. So you do what needs to be done. Fumbling with your coat pocket, you pull out your phone and call the office, call out sick. It’s the only time you’ve done it in all the time your supervisor has known you but the tremor in your voice and frequent sniffles must alarm her enough.
In a fog, you somehow make it from the bodega bathroom to the front gate of Wayne manor. It doesn’t look like it’s changed at all since your last visit over five years ago, except for the heaving mass of press. You circle round the property and enter through the bushes, the way Jason showed you years ago on a tour of the property. You slip on the snow, fall to your knees but get back up. This is the only thing that matters now. The back door has an elaborate knocker that takes both of your hands to lift. It takes what feels like ages for someone to answer the door. It’s poor Mr. Pennyworth, looking more ruffled than you’ve ever seen him. You’re indescribably rude to the poor man, pushing right past him and into the building. Only one thing matters now and your vision has narrowed out anything outside of achieving your goal.
There’s voices coming from somewhere inside, up the stairs and in the direction of the library. A hand, probably Mr. Pennyworth’s, tries to grab at your wrist but you’re too quick for that. You’re running now, clutching at the bannister as though it will pull you up the stairs faster. A shout from behind and the tone of the voices change, a door slamming in the distance. Finally, finally you reach the library but a body tries to come between you, stopping you in your tracks. Years of grief, anger, and battered hope come roaring through you at the thought of being denied seeing Jason, alive after all this time.
Your voice when it leaves you is dangerously low. “Dick, I presume? You don’t know me, and I’ve heard very little about you from Jason and what I did hear I didn’t like. I’m going to make this simple.” The door behind him cracks open, but you soldier on anyway. “Jason Todd was my best friend and first love.” The body stiffens, but that doesn’t matter in this moment. “You are going to step aside and-” anything else doesn’t matter because a door is thrown open and there is Jason.
Eyes wild, a good deal older and more scarred than before, but he’s alive. And then nothing else matters but the feel of his arms warm around you, the imprint of his jacket on your face, the smell of him largely unchanged. He’s alive and he’s real and you can touch him. You draw back to look at him, drink in the sharpened angle of his jaw, the blue-green of his eyes, the white streak in his hair. He’s grown taller and broader than he had over that wretched summer so many years ago. What catches your eye is the writing at the hollow of his throat, a stark black spreading across his collarbones exposed by the v of his t-shirt. Jason Todd was my best friend and first love, it reads.
“I’m so sorry sweetheart, I didn’t know you felt the same.” He says and your wrist starts to burn.
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