#Feyre darling they can never make me hate you my love | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

taylors-fourth-cat-meow · 2 years

Note

Idk how long ago you responded to the ask about tamlin vs Rhys but I just saw it and I thought I’d share my thoughts.

IMO Rhys never SAs Feyre unless you count the kiss after her and tamlin almost did the dirty in the hallway. Which yes technically it was but at the same time war is war whether it’s politically or on a battlefield. He had to cover up what they did or else they’d both or all three would be dead or worse.

He makes a point that utm he never touches her beyond her waist and her arms. And imo that’s not SA. Because she made the bargain, she knew what was happening when she was dressed and when they went to the party. She drank the wine knowingly and then continued to. Even if she didn’t know the full extent, she figured out Rhys was playing a game.

Tamlin not waking up with her would be one thing but Feyre specifically mentions she thinks he’s awake but never helps her. Yes he suffered his own trauma and it’s no more or less than feyres. But Feyre is trying to help him in the ways she can, yet tamlin does nothing to help her whatsoever. In the end tamlin got everything he thought he wanted, his powers, his court, and his bride. He felt entitled to her and that right there is abuse. And let’s not even get started on the fact that his claws come out all the time and he’s the only high lord like that. Anger issues much?

Rhys almost always tells Feyre everything. The only things he kept from her was 1.) the mating bond, which is fair. He wasn’t just her mate, he loved her. He wanted her to love him too if that was her choice, he didn’t want to push her. He’s all about choice especially when it comes to females. And 2.) about nyx probably going to kill her when he’s born. I agree he should have told her but I also understand why he didn’t. Personally I sometimes don’t tell my husband something unless I have a solution just to keep from causing unnecessary stress, which telling Feyre def would have. Stress+pregnancy is not good for normal people.

As someone who’s been in way too many abusive relationships and had too many incidents of SA to count, I don’t think Rhys is worse than tamlin. Tamlin isn’t the worst person in the world, but he’s not great by any means whatsoever.

And I didn’t even talk about Rhys’ trauma (caused by tamlin)

Hmm

First of all, I respect your views and opinions but don't rant in my inbox again, you're just wasting your time, nothing is going to convince me that rhysie did not SA Feyre and and that he is not an abusive gaslighting piece of shit.

Srry, but your opinion and justification of the Rhysie's SA doesn't matter (this is kinda backtracking my first point but still SA is SA)

"He ONLY touched her arms and waist" so...? Is feyre suppose to be grateful he didn't go beyond that? Are u Literally saying a victim of SA should be grateful she wasn't raped? And he...touched her, inappropriately, without her permission, when he knew she hated it, and while she was DRUGGED? How- I fail to understand how u can think that is not SA. What about the dirty dancing? What about forcing her give him lap dances?

Kissing her without her permission in not SA... Because all is fair in love and war? Babes please never and I mean never say sexual assault is fair. It's not. I- I can't believe I am having to explain why SA is not okay i- safe to say I have lost all faith in humanity.

Again, darling I don't think you realise you are blaming the victim for the SA. It's alright, thats common in victims of sjm's gaslighting. I hope u do realise, you blaming feyrug is equivalent of saying that the SA was the victims fault cause she wore too much makeup, or wore a dress too short, or was flirting too much. Your words literally translate to "She knew what was happening. She was asking for it"

She made the bargain under duress?? He literally twisted her bone so she had to agree? Did you forget that part?

Here is a post by @/worldsnotsaid pls check this out and open your eyes: (1)

Okay fine I'll give you the mate bond thing because tbh, it gives me the icks just thinking about it

But "he's all about choices especially when it comes to females?" I- what? I hate to burst your bubble but no he is not all about choices especially when it comes to females. He didn't give feyrug a choice when he twisted her bone to make her accept the bargain. He didn't give Nesta a choice when he locked her up in the HoW. He didn't give her a choice when he forced Nesta to work for him and his court. He didn't give feyrug a choice when he hid info about Feyre's pregnancy? Feyre cud have just as easily wanted to live and not have the baby? But did he give her that choice?

I mean I am no one to judge, and you are definitely older than me, but... Idk about your marriage so I'm not even gonna comment on that part... But Rhysie did not have a solution...? He did not know how to save her and her baby? Regardless of "stress" Rhysie has no right to hide information about her body from her. It's like not telling a terminally ill patient they are going to die soon. Like I said, feyre is 21 for heaven's sake, she could have decided to not have the baby altogether?? But ofc not that wud make her a murderer right.

Now coming to Tamlin,

Again I will say what I said in my post: Tamlin not holding Feyre's hair while she throws up is not abuse.

Make of that what you will.

And in what way was feyrug helping Tamlin? I'd love to know it. Because she... Absolutely wasn't. But I'd love to see your views.

Tamlin felt entitled to feyrug? I have no idea what you mean by that? If you are talking about him not letting her out of the house, then yes that is abuse? I have never said it wasn't. But if you are talking about hybern's deal then check out this post and this one . If you are talking about talking him make her wear dresses and introducing her to their court: checkout this post.

His claws coming out all the time is his literally showing emotions. It's not generally anger, it's also irritation sometimes. like if I am angry or annoyed I make a disgusted face and roll my eyes?? Does that mean I have anger issues too? And shapeshifting is literally his primary power?? There are times when feyrug says his claws are gonna come out but they don't. Pls this point is so stupid-

Anyway check out this post to clarify further.

Oh yeah let's talk about Rhysie's trauma that Tamlin caused by telling his abusive older brothers and fathers were his friends mom and sister are who they cud actually locate and kill and dump in the Sidra even though the Sidra is part of Velaris, a city that didn't exist for them and Illariya isn't even on any maps but not Tamlin's trauma from when Rhysand killed his entire family while he slept under the same roof.

Look, u do u but pls don't ever come into my inbox and defend a sexual assaulter and justify his abuse and SA again.

#pls the "imo that's not SA is so disgusting #tells a lot about you and your opinions #anti sjm #anti acotar #anti feysand #anti rhysand #tamlin #pro tamlin #tamlin deserves better #anti sjm stans #answered asks

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ncssian · 3 years

Text

A Favor: Part Sixteen

Nessian Modern AU

Masterlist

a/n:

***

“HAPPY NEW YEAR!”

In Cassian’s arms, Nesta is shocked for all of a second before melting into his heat, kissing him back with just as much tenderness and joy as he gives her.

Fireworks go off, illuminating the scene around them, but he doesn’t hear or see any of it. Confetti poppers are popped, sending glitter and paper flying everywhere, and still he kisses Nesta.

It’s not until the fireworks show hits its crashing climax that Nesta flinches, breaking away from his lips.

She hates loud noises, Cassian remembers. He stupidly considers covering her ears against the noise for her, but then her shoulders relax, and she comes in again for a deeper kiss. His hands tangle in her bronze hair, and when they next break apart, he remembers the words he’s been holding in for so long. “I love you,” he says against her mouth, imprinting the shape of the words onto her lips. Her answering grin is bright enough to match the moon.

For a single moment, they are a perfect couple. No secrets, no baggage, no outsiders to judge them. And then the fireworks die out and the confetti falls to the floor, and the lights seem to turn bright enough to burn the eyes. The party returns to normal, and so do they.

Nesta is clutching Cassian’s wrist, looking like she has something she needs to say, but then her gaze drifts past his shoulder. To where her sisters and his friends are. She looks up at Cassian nervously. “Can you—”

“Deal with that?” he finishes for her, referring to the friends who had surely seen everything. “Yes.” It’s his responsibility to bear in the first place. Nesta doesn’t owe anybody except her sisters an answer.

Nesta looks torn between feeling guilty and grateful. “I should be there with you.”

Cassian can’t help but be awed. Nesta, who can’t have dinner without knowing what’s on the menu at least two hours ahead, has no idea what to expect from his friends. And still she’s offering to face them with him.

He takes her hand and runs a soothing thumb down her racing pulse, then her sweaty palm. “Go back inside,” he tells her, placing a kiss on her fingers. “I’ll find you when I’m done.” He might put a little sensual promise into his words to ease the nerves lacing her body, but he doesn’t know if it helps. She nods and stalks off.

Cassian stays where he is and leans his arms against the wooden balcony railing, staring into the clear night while the rest of the guests slowly trail back into the warmth of the cabin. He and Nesta will have to clean up this whole mess of confetti and streamers tomorrow, and they’ll have to do something about the new wine stain he spotted earlier on the couch—

Feyre storms up to him first. “How long?” she demands.

He looks sidelong at her. “How long, what?”

“How long have you had feelings for my sister?” Her cheeks are flushed red, either from the cold or rage Cassian can’t tell. This isn’t the question he expected from her.

“Since the day you told me to pick her up from the middle of the woods,” he answers honestly.

Feyre turns impossibly redder. “And how long have you been together?”

“Since Thanksgiving.”

Feyre looks seconds away from attacking him. “I trusted you—”

“Darling.” Rhys has come up behind her, Mor and Elain trailing him. Azriel watches coolly from the door, likely only there to see the drama unfold.

Rhys puts a hand on Feyre’s back, and she ignores it. “I trusted you to take care of her, to live with her, because I knew you would never take advantage of her like that. Because I believed you wouldn’t do exactly what you’ve just done,” she seethes at him.

Cassian stares in disbelief. “What the hell are you talking about right now?”

“I’m talking about how you’ve had a hard-on for Nesta this whole time, in close quarters with her, and never thought it was worth mentioning to me.”

“I share one kiss with my girlfriend and that’s what you jump to? That I preyed on your adult sister? You really have no other questions for me?” His voice raises with every sentence, and a few guests lingering on the ground below glance up toward the balcony.

“What else am I supposed to believe?” She’s nearly shouting at him. “You didn’t tell me anything. You lied to me, knowing that Nesta is—Nesta.”

“For good fucking reason, I’m starting to see.”

“Cassian,” Rhysand says warningly.

Cassian didn’t hear him. “What is your real problem with Nesta, Feyre? Where is the problem in me loving her and her loving me? Do you think she’s incapable of making decisions for herself, or is this another thing where you’re jealous she has a life outside of you?”

“That is not what this is about.”

“Then what is it about?” he demands.

“You know!” She stabs a finger at his chest, chin quivering. “You know how she is, how she feels and sees things differently than most people, and how her history with men isn’t great. And you still thought it was okay to drag her into a relationship. Why else wouldn’t you tell anyone about it, if you didn’t feel it was wrong?”

Cassian’s face turns colder than the frozen air around them. “I don’t know who you’re talking about right now, but it isn’t your sister,” he says. “It’s not my fault if you don’t know her the way you thought you did. Take that up with her, not me.”

Feyre’s breath steams in the air before her. “I will,” she fumes. She spins on her heel to leave, but Cassian catches her by the wrist.

“After you cool down,” he demands. “You’re not ruining her night.”

Feyre stares him down for a long moment, and eventually shakes his hand off her wrist. She walks back inside, waving Rhys away when he tries to follow. Elain, who Cassian forgot was there, stares at him before going inside as well.

Rhysand turns back to Cassian with ice in his violet eyes.

“Don’t start,” Cassian says, tired. “She doesn’t need you fighting her battles for her.”

“That’s not what I was going to talk about,” he says. “You lied to us.”

Mor bundles deeper into her white coat. “You really love her?” she says quietly.

Azriel steps into their little circle beside Cassian without saying a word. Supporting Cassian in silence.

“I liked having something I didn’t have to share with everyone,” Cassian says, the admission feeling heavy on his tongue. “And I don’t regret it. It was nice while it lasted.”

“I think I’m losing my mind,” Mor mutters.

“So,” Rhys gestures at the spot where Cassian and Nesta kissed, “that’s it? You’re dating Feyre’s sister now, with nothing else to say?”

“This isn’t a damn group decision,” Cassian grits.

“That’s not what we meant,” says Mor. “But you’ve been hiding an entire girlfriend up here for months. We have questions.”

“Then I’ll hold a Q&A session later,” he says sardonically. “But since we’re on the topic of Nesta, I do have something to say.”

Mor and Rhys look taken aback.

Cassian straightens up. “You don’t have to like her. You definitely don’t have to be friends with her. But I expect all of you to respect her, even Amren. If it’s not something you would say out loud about Feyre or Elain, then it won’t be something you say about Nesta. You will be on your best behavior around her, and you will not upset or scare her away. Is that clear?”

Az snorts. “Yes, General.”

Cassian cuts a sharp look in his direction. “That applies to you, too. Don’t toy around with her.”

Az grows solemn and nods.

“Is that it?” Mor raises a brow.

“You might find it harder than you think.”

She scoffs. “Well, if I had known I was bitching about your girlfriend this entire time…”

“You wouldn’t have changed,” Azriel interjects. “You’d be even worse.”

She rolls her eyes. “Fine, whatever. I can play nice.”

Cassian looks to Rhys.

“I haven’t spoken a word to her in years,” Rhys grumbles.

“You will respect her, even when she’s not in the room.” He doubts Nesta will be happy to have shit talked about her when she isn’t in a sex-driven haze.

Rhys looks away. “I can’t believe you even have to ask me such a thing,” he mutters. “She’s with you now, of course I’ll lay off her.”

“And you’ll stay out of the sisters’ issues,” Cassian adds.

Rhys smiles wryly. “When did we switch jobs? You want to be boss now or something?”

“If we’re done here, can we go the fuck inside?” Mor groans. “I’m freezing. And I’m holding you to that Q&A session.” She points a finger at Cassian.

He allows himself to grin, feeling truly light for the first time in months. It isn’t a band-aid solution to everything, but it’s better than lying to his family for the rest of his life. Mor and Az head back inside, and Cassian and Rhys trail them. It’s not until Cassian reaches the door that he remembers—

“What was it you wanted to tell me earlier?” He turns to Rhys.

Rhys looks startled, then uncomfortable. “I don’t think it’s the right time for it anymore. You might not want to hear it at all.”

Well, now Cassian’s curious. “Just tell me. I want to know.”

Rhys holds in a sigh. “Fine. Let’s talk inside.”

***

It’s almost two in the morning when the last guest goes home, and Feyre has no excuse left to idle around.

She finds Nesta in the kitchen doing dishes, her back turned to Feyre. Her heels have been discarded, her hair is tied up out of her face, and her sequined dress sleeves are pushed up her arms so they don’t get wet. She looks so… at home. Like this kitchen and the rest of the cabin is undeniably hers.

It reminds Feyre that it wasn’t Cassian kissing Nesta that felt like a punch to the throat. It was when Feyre saw Nesta break away, smile brightly, and kiss him back.

Feyre carefully approaches the island and clears her throat. Nesta doesn’t hear her over the sound of running water. Feyre tries again harder, but swallows the wrong way and ends up in a coughing fit.

That gets Nesta’s attention. She spins around to find Feyre hacking like an idiot, and shuts the tap off. “What’s wrong with you?” she says.

Feyre coughs one final time, her throat scratchy now. “Water. I need water.”

Nesta’s eyes nearly roll out of her head, but she grabs a clean glass and fills it up, handing it to Feyre.

Feyre chugs half the glass and sets it down with an exhale. “I was trying to say,” she starts after an awkward moment, “that you look very settled here.”

“I am,” Nesta says without pause.

“And you’ve probably heard about my—argument with Cassian by now.” Cassian, who is no longer just Feyre’s friend, but Nesta’s boyfriend. Someone Nesta loves, if Feyre heard correctly in her fury.

“Unfortunately, wooden walls carry sound pretty far.” That’s all Nesta bothers to say before turning the sink on again, resuming her dishwashing.

Feyre used to think Nesta’s lack of words meant she had nothing to say. Now she suspects there’s a storm of words raging in Nesta’s head. Too many words to even try to string together coherently, so she stays silent instead.

“I wanted to ask for your side of the story,” Feyre says. “I didn’t even think to consider your feelings before I went off at Cassian, and I might have made—some assumptions.”

“You implied that I was too weak-minded to make decisions for myself and that Cassian took advantage of my weaknesses to get me into his bed.” Nesta’s tone is flat, her eyes on the plate she’s scrubbing.

Feyre winces when she hears it out loud. “Yes, I did that.”

“Why should I tell you anything?” Nesta says. “You clearly have no problem believing what you already believe.”

“I can’t know how you feel about things if you never tell me, Nesta,” Feyre tries to defend. “I’ve been going off my assumptions for years because you don’t share anything about yourself. If I had misconceptions about you, you never corrected them.”

“And that’s an excuse to not ask me about my feelings? To not come to me when you have concerns about my life?”

“I’m coming to you now,” Feyre says. “That’s the whole point.”

When Nesta doesn’t respond, Feyre adds, “I know that we don’t know how to communicate without offending each other. So for five minutes can we just put the defensiveness aside and talk about this?”

“I don’t know what there is to talk about.” Nesta rinses the last glass and shuts the water off, going to dry her hands on a towel.

“I’ll start then: Why didn’t you tell me about you and Cassian?”

Nesta stares at the countertop. “If I answer that question honestly, you’ll call me cruel.”

Feyre hides her flinch, and decides she doesn’t need to hear the answer. Deep down, she probably already knows it. “Alright. When did you start liking him as more than a friend?”

“October. Do you want cake?” Nesta turns toward the fridge in search of dessert.

“I’m good,” Feyre says. “How did you—fall for him?” She’s had all night to think about these questions, but it still sounds impossible saying it out loud. Like two worlds colliding in the weirdest way.

“It just doesn’t make sense,” Feyre repeated for the third time that night, sequestered with Elain touching up her makeup in one of the bathrooms. “Does it make sense to you?”

“I can see it,” Elain said flatly. “Nesta’s emotional, and Cassian’s emotionally intelligent. If anyone could put in the work to understand her, it’s him.”

Elain didn’t show a hint of feeling since she watched Cassian sweep Nesta into his arms and kiss her like a hero from a romance novel. When Feyre later asked Elain if she wanted to talk to Nesta with her, she curtly refused and proceeded to leave the party early.

Now, Nesta busies herself by digging through the fridge. “He’s kind. He’s unfaltering. He’s easy to talk to. It doesn’t hurt that he’s hot.”

“Is that it?”

Nesta shuts the fridge, cake in hand. “Why don’t you ask what you really want to ask, Feyre?” She yanks a drawer open with a little too much force and grabs a fork.

This, Feyre hasn’t practiced for. But she needs to find a way to voice it. “I never knew… after Tomas, I didn’t think you would trust a man again. I didn’t trust a man with you again.”

Nesta whips her head to glare at Feyre, and Feyre shrinks away from her near-feral stare. She spoke too much. She fucked it up already.

“What do you know about Tomas?” Nesta says lowly.

“It doesn’t take a genius to know that Tomas was shit. I never liked him. I was so happy when you left him.”

“And what?” Nesta drops the cake onto the island with a thump. “You thought he broke me? You thought I’d never find love again?”

Feyre looks down, playing with her nails. “I’m just trying to make sure you’re safe, Nesta,” she says quietly.

“And I’m trying to tell you I don’t need your protection. I never did. You do not get to assume what I’m fit for and what I’m not. You do not get to pretend to know me when you’ve never made an effort to understand me.”

“Made an effort?” Feyre can’t believe Nesta’s words. “All I’ve ever done my whole life is make an effort—to talk to you, to be close with you.”

“No,” she says firmly. “You only ever tried to make me do things your way. You wanted me to be more like you. I always came over to your place, I always participated in your parties, I always did the things you wanted to do even when I hated it, because that was me making an effort for you.”

The words take a long time to sink in. Feyre finally swallows. “Do you always have to be so cruel?”

“I’m not being cruel. This is just me. The person you see is the person Cassian fell in love with, and he likes me just fine. You’re the one who’s never liked me.” Nesta’s chest is heaving. “Yes, I am well aware of my flaws, and yes, I’m putting in the work to get past them. That’s what therapy is for. But until you look at your own issues instead of being personally offended by mine all the time, I can’t speak to you without wanting to scream.” She’s trembling as if she’s holding in a shriek right now. “I can’t keep bearing the weight of it—of our past, of everything you want that I can’t give. You won’t let me move away from it.”

Her words ring in the silence.

Feyre’s face is cold, and she touches it to find tears on her cheeks. “I didn’t know…” She blinks, looking away. She suddenly wants to be anywhere else but here, where all she’s good for is torturing her sister. But Feyre is twenty-one years old and she’s getting too old to keep this hateful thing between her and Nesta alive. She reaches for the cake and takes off the lid. “Get me another fork,” she sniffs through tears.

Nesta stares at her for a long moment, then does what she asked. Feyre wipes her eyes.

They sit across from each other at the island and dig in without bothering to get plates. Feyre takes a bite and makes a face at the sour taste, nearly spitting it out. “What is this, lemon?”

“Yes,” Nesta says, stabbing her fork into the cake. “Lemon is for guests.”

“Implying you have different types of cake lying around?” She points to the fridge.

“Chocolate is for Cassian. You can’t have it.”

“Oh. Okay then.” Shared cake, Feyre thinks. How long until they sign up for coinsurance?

They eat in silence for a few minutes, but Feyre’s mind whirls the entire time. She has to speak first, but she doesn’t know where to start.

The beginning might be good.

“I…” she speaks hesitantly, “didn’t mean to make you feel responsible for the past. That wasn’t anybody’s fault.”

Nesta doesn’t look comforted by her words. “You think Dad wouldn’t have let us all die in our pile of bills if you hadn’t stepped up?”

True. Feyre used to drown in bitterness over it: working forty hours a week and then some just to keep the family alive, and receiving nothing in return. While Nesta escaped to the woods to read all day and Elain flirted with boys in mall parking lots, Feyre carried the brunt of reality on her shoulders. It wasn’t until their father died and she got out of that town that she realized—if it was anybody’s fault, it was his.

“I think we all did our best to survive,” Feyre says. “Especially you. But if it’s moving away from me and Elain that you want, I can’t give it to you.”

Nesta looks unsurprised. Before she can argue, Feyre states firmly, “I can do things your way. I can come to you. We can learn to meet each other halfway.”

“Then you’ll be disappointed when, even after all that work, I still find you annoying as fuck.”

Feyre actually laughs. The sentiment still stings, but… “We’ll just have to see how it goes.” But what if Nesta never does like her? The thought nags. What will she do then?

Nesta narrows her eyes at Feyre. “And what about Elain?”

Her absence in the kitchen suddenly feels pointed. Feyre twirls her fork. “We’re not as close as you think, you know. I don’t always know what she’s feeling. You might have to figure her out on your own.”

Nesta looks like she would rather die.

A knock sounds at one of the kitchen entryways. Feyre turns to see Cassian leaning against the wall, looking warily between the two sisters. “I hate to interrupt,” he says, “but can I see Nesta now?”

It still startles Feyre: he’s here for Nesta, not her. That’ll definitely take some time to get used to.

“For sure,” Feyre says, getting up from her seat. She looks back at Nesta, wondering about how much more they need to say to each other…

From the look on Nesta’s face, they’ve done enough for tonight. “I’ll be calling, then,” Feyre says.

“Can’t promise I’ll answer,” Nesta replies.

Of course. Feyre turns on her heel to leave, but stops before Cassian for a brief moment. “I’m so sorry.” The words flow a lot more easier with him than they would with Nesta. “I said some terrible things outside—please forgive me.” She’s genuinely terrified at the idea of losing Cassian over her battle with her sister.

Cassian smiles down at her, not his usual grin but something gentler, more understanding. “There’s nothing to worry about.” His eyes dart to Nesta for confirmation of this, and he must like whatever he sees, because he looks back at Feyre and ruffles her hair. “Glad you’re feeling better, kid.”

***

Once Feyre leaves and Cassian can hear her and Rhys getting ready for the limo drive back home, he finally allows himself to approach Nesta at the island. Rounding the counter to where she sits, he wraps her into a hug.

For once, Nesta doesn’t question his unsolicited affection. She leans in and wraps her own arms around his torso, resting her head against his stomach. “Where were you this whole time?” Her voice is muffled in his shirt.

“Nowhere,” he plays off easily. “Just talking to Rhys about work stuff.”

The conversation lasted much longer than Cassian would have preferred, but by the end of it Cassian’s stance was firm.

“It’s a year-long project based in Milan. It would technically be a promotion for you, and you would work on-site the whole time. I thought it would be a good opportunity for you to get out of the cabin,” Rhys said.

“By sending me out of the country?” Cassian scoffed.

“With the way you’ve been avoiding us lately—I know now that it was about Nesta, but when I heard about the position, you were the first person to come to mind. Taking time to yourself, traveling on your own, making a mark without having your entire family attached to your hip… It sounded like something you needed, so I recommended you for the job.”

Rhys was scarily accurate, because those were all things that Cassian wanted. He and Nesta made lists about places they wanted to visit all the time. But doing it like this?

“No,” he said firmly. “I’m not going to Italy.”

Rhys looked away. “That’s what I thought you’d say. You’re still in the honeymoon phase with Nesta.”

“Even if I wasn’t, I wouldn’t go. A year away from home? What are you thinking?”

Rhys raised his hands in defense. “Look, you don’t have to go. I can give the position away to someone else. But you’re the most qualified and deserving person on the team and we both know it.”

Even now, Cassian knows it. Unfortunately for Rhys, that won’t get his answer to change.

He smiles down to where Nesta hides in his arms, visibly exhausted after the night she’s had. “How did your talk with Feyre go?” he has to ask.

“I thought I was being pretty generous. I didn’t even call her a hypocrite for half the things I wanted to.”

“Does that mean it went well?”

Nesta sighs against his chest. “I think we reached some sort of understanding. Though I’m not sure if that makes me a bad person, for giving her hope of a better relationship between us.”

“I think it makes you a strong person,” Cassian says honestly.

“And what if I can’t deliver?”

“You can’t find out until you try.”

Nesta looks up to meet his eyes, and for a short second he’s overwhelmed by need. “Say it again,” he breathes.

Her brows furrow. “Say what?”

“What you said in the truck. I need to hear it again.”

“Oh, that.” She looks embarrassed. “Iloveyou,” she mutters quickly.

He pokes her. “Say it like you mean it, not like you’re announcing you have syphilis.”

She glares, but clears her throat and gets serious. “Cassian. I love you. I’m in love with you.”

His heartbeat stutters at the earnestness on her face. “Since when?” His lips spread into a grin.

Her face drops. “Yeah, this is really putting a damper on my feelings right now.” Nesta starts to squirm out of his arms.

“No, wait—” He tries to stop her.

“I’ll help you clean in the morning, okay?” She yawns, heading for the exit. “Good night, babe.”

“I was kidding—” He starts to follow after her, shouting, “Where are you going?”

***

Nesta wakes late the next morning with a solid warmth pressed against her back. For a second, it disorients her. She never wakes up before Cassian.

But she turns around and there he is, dead asleep while the sun is already high in the sky.

She reaches up on instinct to brush his silken hair out of his face. He’ll be pissed he missed his six a.m. workout, New Year’s Day be damned.

Putting on her glasses from the nightstand, Nesta carefully eases out of bed and crosses the room to pull the curtains shut over the wall of windows. When she’s satisfied that the room is dark enough, she tiptoes out of it.

The downstairs is still a mess from last night. Nesta wrinkles her nose at the sight of it. Discarded champagne glasses scatter the living and dining areas, and whoever snuck in those damn confetti poppers left a mess on the hardwood floors. Platters of long since finished food lie on random surfaces.

“Even the rich and sophisticated party like pigs,” she mutters to herself, stepping over a discarded throw pillow to reach the kitchen. She needs coffee and a hose to scrub this place down—

“Good morning.”

Nesta yelps, spinning toward the figure near the sink she didn’t see while coming in. “Fucking Christ!”

Azriel doesn’t blink, holding an apple in one hand and a paring knife in the other. “We’re out of coffee.” He looks like he just rolled out of bed, sweatpants and all.

“What are you doing here?” Nesta demands. “Where did you come from?”

“Ah, about that,” he says casually. “I never left.”

“You slept here?”

“Do you have breakfast? Because there isn’t even a box of cereal in this place.”

“Azriel,” Nesta forces his name out. “Start answering my questions.”

He has the decency to look sorry and blushes. “I needed some time away from Velaris. I figured the cabin would be empty since you moved out and I brought some of my stuff over last night.”

“So when I found you upstairs…?”

“I was staking out a room to stay in.”

Nesta has so many questions she almost forgets to be upset. But it’s hard not to be upset when she’s standing in front of a near-stranger in only Cassian’s shirt. “Does Cassian know about this?”

Azriel carves out an apple slice and shrugs dismissively. “He will soon.”

Her stomach churns with familiar anxiety. “But you can’t—” She wrings the shirt she’s wearing in her hands. “You can’t do this.”

“Why not? It’s my brother’s place.” His eyes dare her to disagree. “In my defense, I didn’t think you’d be living here when I decided to move in.”

“I don’t live here,” she says. In fact, she’s supposed to return to her apartment tomorrow. “But I spend a lot of time here and I didn’t get to prepare for—” she waves her hands in Azriel’s direction, “you.” It’s a wrench thrown in the gears of Nesta’s carefully calculated life.

Azriel raises a dark brow. “Do you need to prepare for me?” He pushes an apple slice into his mouth.

“Yes!” This is a change she had no say in, and those are the worst kind of changes.

Azriel puts the apple and knife down and leans against the counter. “Prepare for me, then.”

“What?”

“Before Cassian gets up, take the time to get used to the fact that I’m going to be around for the next few weeks.”

“Weeks?” Nesta pales.

“A month, tops,” he promises. When Nesta doesn’t look reassured, he says quietly, “Go on. Do what you need to do to get comfortable.”

“But I barely know you,” she says. Well, Nesta knows Azriel is the pretty brother and the quiet brother, but now she’s starting to think he’s also the weird brother.

That’s three things they have in common, at least.

“Uh...what do you want to know?” He tries to sound nice, inviting. Nesta uses that awkward tone all the time.

It actually brings her some semblance of comfort. She sits down carefully on a barstool and asks, “Why are you really here?”

“I’m avoiding someone,” he answers without hesitation.

“Who?”

“Nobody of interest to you.” They’re doing rapid fire mode, then.

“Do you know how to cook?” she says.

“No. Do you?”

“No.” A loss on both parts. “What are you good at?”

“Minding my business.”

Nesta narrows her eyes at him. “Like you were minding your business outside Cassian’s room last night?”

He makes the slightest wince. “That was an unfortunate incident where I toyed with you. It won’t happen again.”

She doesn’t know why, but she believes him.

“What won’t happen again?”

Nesta turns to find Cassian trudging into the kitchen, looking only half-awake. He notices Azriel. “Oh, hey bro.”

Azriel nods. “Hey.”

Cassian is about to drop a kiss onto Nesta’s head when he freezes. “Wait.” The look on his face makes Nesta forget her earlier discomfort; she laughs out loud.

Peering all the way up at him from her seat, she says, “Your brother is moving in. I am reacting to this like a well-adjusted human being.”

He raises his brows. “Are you now?”

“I didn’t freak out one bit,” she says, trying to spare Azriel from her boyfriend’s overprotective wrath. Cassian doesn’t buy it.

He looks at Azriel and tilts his head toward the living room. “You wanna talk?” He leaves before the other man can answer.

Nesta shrugs apologetically at Azriel’s stunned face. “I did my best. He’s going to give you a lecture on boundaries now.”

“No, he’s not,” Azriel grumbles as he starts following after Cassian. “He’s going to beat my ass.”

***

a/n: when in doubt, write a flashback scene in italics

taglist: @hellasblessed @sjm-things @thewayshedreamed @drielecarla @valkyriewarriors @superspiritfestival @aliveahaahahafuck @cupcakey00 @sayosdreams @rainbowcheetah512 @claralady @thebluemartini @nessiantho @missing-merlin @duskandstarlight @lucy617 @sleeping-and-books @everything-that-i-love @cassianscool @swankii-art-teacher @awesomelena555 @julemmaes @wickedqueenoffantasy @poisonous-bloom @observationanxioustheorist @gisellefigue08 @courtofjurdan @theoverlyenthusiasticwriter @wolfiixxx @cass-nes @seashade @royaltykxx @illyrianundercover @queenestarcheron @monstrousloves-explodinggalaxies @humanexile @that-golden-lyre @agentsofsheilds @mercy-is-alive @cassiansbigwingspan @laylaameer01 @verypaleninja @maastrash @bow-dawn @perseusannabeth @dead-on-the-inside666 @jlinez @hungryreadingaddict @anidealiveson @planet-faerie @shallowhighwaters @ghostlyrose2 @chosenfamily-valkyriequeens @rarephloxes @readiajin @nessiantrashh @live-the-fangirl-life @ifinallygavein @xoblivisci @sjmships @jungtaekwoonie-is-life @lysandra-tiara9 @lanyjoy-13

#nesta archeron #nessian #cassian #ncssianwrites #a favor #nessian fic

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unhealthyfanobsession · 3 years

Text

Kind of a rant- why ACOSF felt just slightly *off* in my opinion.

I think I’ve been pretty Pro-ACOSF other than a few parts, but I have said from the BEGINNING that I didn’t find the hike scene to be this beautiful healing journey that others saw it as and I actually had to put the book down for several hours because I was so upset. But as some of you might know, I did a re-write of that scene about a week ago and in that process of trying to keep the overall emotions and character traits but tweak the tone I finally put my finger on why the original scene ate at me so much.

Because I tried to summarize the scene as if I hadn’t read all of the other books and it was just a collection of emotions and actions. And to be clear, without bias towards or against any of the characters... this is what happened in that pre-hike scene:

A traumatized, mentally ill, sexual assault survivor and war veteran was verbally attacked by a person who was once her only friend for the actions that she was ORDERED TO MAKE to try and heal. She then lashed out by literally just telling a pregnant woman about the dangers of her own labour that her husband and every single one of her so-called friends hid from her (by rightfully saying that they didn’t respect her enough to tell her) and then this was GENUINELY presented by every single character in the book including the woman and her love interest that this was HER fault and she was a horrible, bad, awful person.

Like... imagine someone telling you they read a book where this occurred? I’d lose my MIND. The fact that Nesta is used as a punching bag for the narrative and never once allowed to think her own actions, thoughts, and feelings are justified simply because she isn’t “nice” and had to be written in a way that would “redeem” her in the eyes of antis is absolutely appalling.

Ultimately ACOSF said “no one can hate Nesta more than She hates herself” and that is a legitimate story to tell, but I think why it feels so off is because when a main character has such a negative internal monologue you then turn to the love interest to encourage and support them and while I maintain that Cassian DID support Nesta and was there for her... the thing that felt so off was that he ultimately agreed with the awful things she thinks about herself.

Which is why I maintain, yet again, that the only story for Nesta and Cassian both that would have truly been satisfying would be for them to have been away from the Night Court. (I personally believe that they should have had separate healing arch’s and then been brought together when they were ready and this easily could’ve been done if one of the 7 unnecessary side plots were cut out.)

Nesta and Cassian have always been side characters in Feyre’s story and even though this book followed their journey and was from their perspective... it was still positively dripping with the assumptions of both characters that Feyre had made in previous books. (Also SJM’s inability to say anything bad about her darling IC really impeded the narrative in my opinion.)

#nessian #nesta archeron #acosf #a court of silver flames #anti rhys #anti rhysand #anti morrigan #anti amren #a court of thorns and roses #cassian #nesta and cassian #a court of mist and fury #sarah j maas #nestaxcassian

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mmvalentine · 3 years

Note

**Requests quietly into the mic**

Feysand as werewolves💀

Hahaha anon I love it okay, I'm gonna do like maybe a 3-parter angst fest (werewolves necessitates angst, right?) but I am doing a sort of shapeshifting power type rather than a loses all control at the full moon type, I hope that's okay. Here we go!

Afraid of the Dark pt 1

Feyre didn't know why, but of the many things Tamlin had taken away from her, this bar was the one she'd fought for.

At his behest, she had stopped seeing her sisters, lost contact with a number of friends, and quit volunteering at the art school. It had happened gradually- the things that Tamlin had liked about her at first, suddenly felt threatening to him and over time, she left them all. It was just that he was so insecure. He had had a terrible childhood, didn't know how to relate to other people sometimes and he loved her so much that it hurt him to see other people hang off her. Other men hang off her. He was just so protective.

Or at least that's what Tamlin said.

But Verlaris bar was Feyre's favourite place. She did not make it there often, but she was there today, and walking through the door felt like coming home.

"Feyre!" a familiar voice greeted her. She looked up at found Rhys, with the same broad grin that he always had when he saw her.

Rhys, who wore black leather jackets and onyx rings. Rhys, who had been a regular at this bar longer than Feyre had. Rhys, who seemed to frequently have blood on his knuckles and a dimple in his cheek. She probably should have been scared of him, but he had always made her feel so welcome.

"Hello you," she said with a soft smile.

"Hello prick," Tamlin said, walking up behind her.

Of course Tamlin hated Rhys. But to be fair, Rhys was as provocative to Tamlin as he was sweet to Feyre. He met Tamlin's gaze now, and grinned wider, which she knew would infuriate Tamlin more than his frown.

"Oh hello to you too, sunshine," he said, and waggled his fingers. Tamlin just growled, and stalked to the bar. Feyre sighed, and followed him.

"I don't know why you always want to come here," Tamlin said.

"This is the bar we had our first date," Feyre reminded him. "I've always liked it here." She ordered a drink, and then was surprised when Tamlin pulled her into his arms.

Less surprised, when Rhys walked up and leaned his forearms on the bar next to them. A show of possession, then.

"What are you drinking, Feyre darling?" he asked her. "The usual?"

"She's not your darling," Tamlin snarled. Rhys just looked at him with mock sincerity.

"Don't be jealous, Tamlin dear," he said. "You can be my darling, too."

"And you can fuck right off," Tamlin snapped. "Or I'll come over there and make you." Rhys just rolled his eyes.

"Tip number one," he said. "The new scotch they've brought in is delicious." He winked at Feyre, motioning for the bar tender to pour her one. "Tip number two." He leaned toward Tamlin, and suddenly his voice was low and velvet. He looked right into his eyes as he spoke. "Don't threaten a man in his own bar."

Then he pushed off the counter, and returned to the pool table where his friends sat.

"Feyre," Tamlin said tightly. "Why does that dickhead always talk to you like that?"

"Like what?" Feyre asked, warily.

"Feyre darling," Tamlin mimicked. "The usual?"

Feyre shrugged. "He's known me for as long as you have, I guess."

"I don't like it."

Tamlin said nothing else for the next hour. Just sat and drank, and drank some more while Rhys's friends tried to talk to Feyre. The more they talked, the more hunched over Tamlin got, until Feyre started to worry and sent them away.

"Let's go," he growled, and pulled Feyre out the door.

When they got home, Feyre sat down on the bed to take her shoes off, and Tamlin sat heavily next to her and put his head in his hands.

"Do you hate me?" Tamlin asked her roughly.

"What?" Feyre said. "No, of course I don't hate you."

"Then why do you always need all these other people?" he asked. "Why am I not enough for you?" Feyre sighed. They had had this conversation so many times.

"Of course you're enough," she said. "I just like to have different people in my life."

"I don't," Tamlin said. "I don't need anyone but you. And I wish you loved me as much as I love you. Maybe you just never will."

"No, that's not it, Tamlin of course I love you."

He looked at her, with searing eyes. "Show me," he said.

So Feyre got up, and sat back down in Tamlin's lap. Straddled him on the bed and put her mouth on his. Kissed him until his arms were wrapping around her waist and her fingers were in his hair and he was pulling off her shirt.

"I love you," she murmured.

"Don't go back to the bar," Tamlin pleaded. He smelled like beer. "Promise me. Promise me you won't go back to the bar."

"Tamlin."

"Promise me. We don't need anyone but each other. Otherwise I swear, I could just burn it to the ground." Tamlin's hands tightened as he said it, squeezing her sides too tightly. He shook her once, and her teeth clicked together. "Promise," and this time, there was an edge to his voice that had never led anywhere good in the past.

And so Feyre closed her eyes, said "I promise," and let Tamlin pull her backward onto the bed.

Later that night, after Tamlin had fallen asleep, Feyre crept out of bed and out the back door. She pulled on a coat and shoes, and walked all the way to the edge of the forest near their house, before she sat down on a fallen tree, put her hands over her face, and cried.

This was not the first time Feyre had been out here. Tamlin didn't like it when she cried, so she had gotten good at bottling up the need and only letting it go when he was not around. Passed out drunk and sated in bed was a fairly safe bet.

So here she was, in the forest at midnight, with no one to witness her tears but the moon. It was strange, Feyre had been so afraid of the dark as a child. And now, the empty night was her only comfort.

After a few minutes, Feyre had cried enough to feel calmer. Exhausted, in fact. She stayed though, seated on the log and staring at nothing, not ready to go home yet.

It was in this empty, numb space that she saw it.

Thought it was nothing at first, fireflies maybe. But no, when she peered closer, two violet eyes peered out of the darkness. She gazed at them for a moment, and as if realising it had been seen and not bothering to hide anymore, out of the shadows stepped an enormous, black wolf.

"Hello," Feyre said softly. She wondered vaguely if she should be afraid. But she was so tired, and so emotionally drained that she couldn't quite muster up enough feeling to care if it did eat her right then and there.

The wolf took a few steps forward, and then, wondrously, sat down opposite her. Lay on the ground, and rested it's muzzle on the toe of her sneaker. Feyre sniffed.

"Oh, not hungry then," she said. "And here I thought I was alone." She stared down at it, and wondered why it was interested in her.

"I've made a dumb promise," she told it. "I promised Tamlin I'd leave Velaris for good." The wolf just watched her with its strange, purple eyes.

"I feel so sad, and alone, and I don't even have anyone left to talk to about it and now I'm here talking to a wolf." She laughed bitterly to herself. "Well, I suppose you're here. And you haven't eaten me yet, so I may as well tell you."

Feyre looked out into the forest.

"Velaris was the last place I felt like I had friends." She looked back at the animal. "Would you like to be my friend, Mr Wolf?" The wolf gazed back at her, and of course said nothing.

After a while, Feyre got up, dusted herself off, and walked home. The wolf didn't move, just watched her go and she waved at it as she went.

After she had disappeared, and her scent faded, the wolf got up. Shifted back into its human form, and took Feyre's place on the log.

Rhys put his chin on his folded hands, and frowned.

****

Another concept I would never have thought of on my own, thanks nonnie! Part 2 now up.

MASTERLIST

TAGLIST: @ghostlyrose2 @highladysith @stardelia @feysand-loml @tillyrubes10 @ratabrasileira @live-the-fangirl-life @maybekindasortaace @annejulianneh111 @thebonecarver @rowaelinismyotp @loosingdreams @whythefuckdoiexist @inejsarrow @swankii-art-teacher @sjmships @courtofjurdan @teddytdr @positivewitch @thalia-2-rose @darling-archeron @rapunzel1523 @fairchildjace @philosophorumaurum02 @story-scribbler @allthecolorsneverseen @asteria-of-mars

#feysand #feysand fic #ask #prompt fill #acotar #mine #angst

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emilia3546 · 3 years

Text

Shadowsinger Part 2 - Gwynriel

ACOSF Spoilers! Do Not read this unless you have finished ACOSF and the Azriel bonus chapter

Part 1

*****

Gwyn hadn't seen Azriel for days, not since she'd found him on the roof, he'd been called away for some sort of emergency, and she hadn't even been able to explain that she wasn't following him, she should never have joined in, he'd clearly wanted to be alone, perhaps that was why she'd run away. She groaned, and tried to focus on the pages in front of her, tried to disappear into her book like usual, but something kept her mind on the Shadowsinger, she found herself reading the same sentence three times while thoughts of him swirled in her mind. It wasn't that the book was bad, it was actually one of the best ones she'd read that month, but she couldn't help but see herself in those pages, herself and Azriel.

She almost threw the book across the room in disgust at the beautiful declaration of love, book Gwyn had no trouble talking to book Azriel about her feelings. She rolled over in her bed and pulled the blankets tighter around herself. She was such an idiot. Each time he'd been at training, she'd made sure to ask him for help, just to be closer to him, but maybe he thought she was pathetic now, that she couldn't do anything. Not that she was perfect, but she probably didn't need one-on-one training for swordplay and hand to hand combat, archery yes, but that had been the first time she'd ever shot a bow. Although if he was away much longer, Mor would have had time to teach her all she needed to stop personal tuition.

Was she so wrong for wanting to spend time with him? He'd seen her at her worst, her absolute worst, and he hadn't flinched, he'd just protected her when she couldn't protect herself. She still remembered the undiluted rage in his eyes when he'd killed the males pinning her down, still remembered the gentleness of his touch when he'd given her his cloak. Perhaps he still thought of her as that scared girl, perhaps all her asking for help was annoying, but how could she find another way to spend any sort of time with him?

*****

Azriel hated Windhaven. He hated Devlon. But mostly, he hated his own cowardice. Gwyn had found him that night because she was meant to, but he had been too slow, he had allowed her to think he didn't want her there. And then he had run away, faking an emergency. He struck the target again, and it splintered under the force of the blow, the sword cleaving straight through the wood, earning alarmed glances from the males around him. It was true that the camps needed inspection, but that could easily wait until Cassian got home, it wasn't urgent enough that he should have made Mor take over training the priestesses. He rotated his wrist, striking the second target with a backhanded blow that almost cleaved it in two.

For hours he worked through his thoughts, leaving far too many training targets in splinters, much to Devlon's dismay, who glared at him when he walked off the pitch. Azriel ignored him, heading straight for Rhysand's mother's old house. He fell into his old routines, dumping his weapons in the rack by the door, checking the house for any unwelcome visitors before a bath. He even left out a bowl of stew on the side for the female who had taken him in when no one else had, muttering the familiar prayer to keep her soul, and her daughter's soul safe in the afterworld. He should get back to Velaris, but even once he had tidied up the kitchen, even once he had cleaned the entire house, by hand, twice, he couldn't force himself to go outside.

He didn't get out of bed the next morning, only emerging at noon when someone pounded on the door. He dressed, and glared daggers at Devlon, standing on the doorstep like he owned the house.

"What?" he snarled,

"I assume you're here for a reason,"

"What's it to you?"

"This is my camp. I don't appreciate spies. The other bastard 'inspecting' is bad enough without you sniffing around as well. Tell Rhysand-"

"High Lord."

"What?"

"Tell High Lord Rhysand,"

"Whatever, tell him that if you two don't leave me be-"

"What? What will you do? And besides, I'm inspecting the camp, while Cassian is with his mate."

"Poor girl," Devlon muttered, and Azriel's attention snapped straight back to him, anger burning in his eyes,

"What?"

"I said, poor girl, whoever she is, to be mated to that sorry bastard." Something snapped, and Azriel sent a fist flying for Devlon's face, the sense of satisfaction when the camp lord's nose crumpled under his fist dragging him out of his wallowing.

"Do not talk about my brother in that way. Do I make myself clear?" Devlon just glared, and cradled his nose, "Do I?"

"Yes." Azriel snarled again, "I said yes, Spymaster."

"There, how hard was that? If I hear you talking shit about your General again, I won't be so forgiving." Azriel slammed the door in Devlon's face and packed up his kit, he'd finished the inspection yesterday anyway, and winnowed home.

The library loomed before him, but Azriel banked away, aiming for the House of Wind. He left everything in his room before reluctantly flying across the city to the River House. Rhys had said that there would be a family dinner if he was back, and he didn't want to upset him but not showing up.

*****

The shadows in her room flickered, and Gwyn leapt out of bed, almost screaming as they moved towards her. Not like the ones that followed Azriel, these moved maliciously, following her when she darted out of the room. She grabbed the dagger from her training leathers, and tested to see if she could fight them, she couldn't, and the moment she touched one, it spread, trying to wrap around her.

She backed out of the room, grabbing a candle as she passed, which did seem to keep the darkness at bay, but it slowly tested the light, as if trying to see if it could actually stop it. Gwyn found her way into the main library, finding the whole place wreathed in the darkness from its depths, and the moment she stepped out, all of it shot for her, making a beeline for the candle she held. No one else had woken, and she opened her mouth to scream, but darkness surrounded her, blocking out the sound. She scrambled backwards, sprinting for the light above her head, the moon shone bright, perhaps the shadows were confined to library, if she could just get out, she would be safe. She was mere steps from the door when the darkness clouded again, partially barring her way.

She took a deep breath, marking the exact location of the door handle and barreled through it, sobbing in fear until she burst through to the night outside. Cool air filled her lungs, but the darkness from the library didn't follow, she stared back at it, sobbing again in fear when a tendril of darkness ventured beyond the doorway. She didn't know where she could go, but she ran.

*****

Azriel forced a smile as Mor breezed over to him, glad to see him finally, and ushered him to the dining room. He grinned for real at the sight of Rhys on the couch, holding baby Nyx with one arm, the other wrapped around Feyre, asleep against him. His brother grinned at him when he entered the room,

"Finally decided to join us then, brother." Feyre stirred beside him, and he pressed a kiss to the top of her head, chuckling as she opened her eyes, squinting in the light, and buried her face back into his chest, "C'mon, darling, dinner." Feyre sighed, and disentangled herself from her mate's arms before joining Azriel at the table.

"Nyx keeping you up?" He asked, and Feyre groaned,

"He always demands a feed like half an hour after I've managed to fall asleep, then won't fall asleep for ages afterwards. And it's not like we can just take it in turns either, Rhys can't feed him, and he won't settle without it." Azriel squeezed her shoulder,

"You're doing a wonderful job, both of you, babies are tough, but he'll only get easier to cope with." Feyre grinned, and laughed as Rhys set Nyx on the table beside her, leaving him to crawl across to his mother, grabbing for her, sighing happily when she swept him into her arms. Amren rolled her eyes, but Azriel could sense the happiness in her at seeing the baby.

Partway through dinner, Nyx started crying and wouldn't settle, no matter what Feyre tried. She was on the brink of tears herself when Azriel sent a shadow towards the child, leaving him hiccuping and giggling as he tried to catch it, but each time it slipped between his fingers. He grabbed for it again, and Azriel sent it twirling around him, earning giggles of joy as he played with the shadow.

"Thank you," Azriel almost lost concentration at Rhys' voice, "She feels like a bad mother when he gets like this,"

"She's not," he said, still watching both mother and son playing with the shadow, Feyre encouraging Nyx to try to catch it, and laughing at his squeals of joy.

After dinner, Azriel made to take off, but something left him deciding to walk up to the House instead. Wandering through Velaris' silent streets, he finally let go of the fear around talking to Gwyn. He would make sure to talk to her at training tomorrow, make sure she knew he wasn't annoyed that she had been there that night.

*****

Gwyn sobbed again as the darkness almost surrounded her, nipping at her feet, trying to trip her up as she ran. She spied a figure through the darkness of the evening and sprinted for them, not caring who it was. The moment she got close enough to see it was a male, he turned towards her, and started to run for her, wings flapping to give him more speed. Wings?

"Azriel!" She sobbed, and crashed into him, shrinking back as he pushed her behind him, the darkness swirling and eddying but not approaching him any further. Shadows swirled around her, but these were safe, protecting, they were there to look after her, not hurt her. Tears slid down her face as Azriel studied the darkness, trying to figure out what it was. She crashed to the floor, sobbing uncontrollably when it vanished, leaving her alone in the street with Azriel staring after the darkness, clearly debating whether he should follow it and deciding against it, taking over from his shadows in looking after her.

"Gwyn," she barely heard him, but didn't flinch from his touch when he gently squeezed her shoulder, "I'm going to take you up to the House, is that okay?" She nodded, not sure she could speak without crying harder, and buried her face in his neck when he lifted her into his arms, holding her against his chest as he took off.

The view must have been magnificent, but she was still too scared to even marvel at the fact that she was flying. She was still crying when Azriel landed on the balcony and carried her into the House.

*****

Gwyn's scent was drenched in fear, and Azriel silently swore to end whoever had scared her, whoever had sent that darkness to hunt her, because that's exactly what it had been doing, hunting her. He had wanted to follow it, to find out where it had slunk off to, but with his shadows warning her that Gwyn needed to feel safe, he couldn't leave her, retribution could wait.

She was still crying when he set her down on a couch in one of the living areas.

"What happened?" He murmured, gently brushing her hair out of her face,

"I don't know," she whispered, "I was getting ready for bed, and it just - I don't know,"

"Hey, it's okay, you're safe now, it can't get you here," she nodded, and sniffed again, and he became painfully aware that she was only in her nightgown, and he grabbed a blanket to wrap around her, leaving his shadows to watch over her while he went to fetch her a hot mug of cocoa.

His anger had subsided a little once he returned, just enough that he could fully focus on looking after Gwyn. Her feet were still bare, and the rough stones of the street had torn into them, but she seemed to hardly notice the pain as he cleaned the cuts, and gently wrapped them in bandages. She hadn't said a word since his return, just silently nursed her mug of cocoa, staring into the distance.

Not knowing what else to do, he sank onto the couch beside her and squeezed her hand gently. She drained the mug, and fixed him with her gaze, tears still shining in her eyes,

"What was it?"

"I don't know." He admitted, "But I'll find out, and I'll deal with it. It can't hurt you, I won't let it." She nodded, and another tear rolled down her face, Azriel reached up to wipe it away, expecting her to flinch from him, but she didn't, she let him gently wipe away the tears stating to fall again.

"It scared me. I couldn't fight it. I did try."

"I know, I know," she thought he'd think less of her for whatever had happened, and he couldn't face that, "Gwyn," she didn't look at him, her head still lowered to hide the fear in her eyes, even as her scent betrayed her, "Gwyn." She did look up this time, "You are not weak. You are stronger than most people I know for even trying to fight that. I know many seasoned warriors who would've pissed themselves and gotten themselves hurt or killed. You did everything right. Running was your only option."

"Why did it run from you?"

"I don't know," he said again, "Maybe it feared my own shadows," the same shadows that were now gathering around Gwyn, trying to shield her from everything, twining into her hair, and making her smile from the tickling sensation. "There, do that again."

"What?"

"Smile." She did, and he mirrored the smile, his breath catching when she pulled herself into his side, resting her head on his chest, an arm around his waist. He rested an arm across her shoulders, and allowed a wing to curl around her. She sighed,

"Thank you, Az."

"Whatever for?"

"Not thinking me a coward." She wasn't talking about tonight, he realized,

"I was the coward for not going to you earlier. I'm glad you were there, and I'm sorry I ran away the next day." She mumbled something he couldn't hear, and snuggled into him, the fear in her scent slowly vanishing with each breath. They sat in silence, and Azriel started to absent-mindedly stroke her hair, soothing her gently as he held her. "Do you want me to take you back to the library?"

"No!" she gasped, "Please," she was still shaking her head violently, when he caught her hand,

"It's okay, you can stay here if you want, Nesta's old rooms are still empty. Mine are the level above."

"Can I stay with you?" She whispered, and he froze, "I'm sorry, I just - I feel safe with you."

"Okay, there's a set of rooms across the corridor from mine that haven't been used in a while." He silently asked the House to get them ready for her, and a warm breeze brushing through his hair told him that his request had been carried out.

*****

Gwyn still held the blanket Azriel had given her as he carried her up to the room she was to sleep in. He set her down on the bed, and offered her another smile, which she returned, before slipping out of the room. Almost immediately, the darkness in the room seemed to creep in on her, and she clutched the blanket tighter. She was being silly, Azriel would never have left her if there was any danger, but she still wished he was there, even the two doors between them were too much.

Despite the darkness, she managed to fall into a fitful sleep, tossing and turning on the bed, until she woke only an hour later, drenched in sweat, and screamed. Moments later Azriel threw the door open, and ran across to her, dropping to his knees next to the bed,

"Are you hurt?"

"No, it was just a bad dream. Just a dream." She repeated, her fear fading as she remembered where she was, who was protecting her. "I'm okay."

"You sure?" He brushed her hair back, out of her face, and she nodded, trying to settle back down.

"Can you stay?" He paused, and she almost let him leave, but she couldn't, "I just - it's dark. I'd feel safer with you here."

"Of course, if that's what you want." he said, pulling a comfy chair across to rest next to the bed, sinking into it, even as he kept a hold of her hand while she drifted back to sleep.

*****

When Gwyn woke the next morning, Azriel was still in the chair, wings drooping onto the floor beside him, his head dropped sideways onto the back of the chair. His hair was all over the place, and she couldn't help but tidy it up, freezing when he opened his eyes.

"Your hair was messy," she said as an explanation.

"My mother used to do that," he murmured, more to himself that her, and she met his gaze, her hands still in his hair,

"Is she who you were singing about the other night?"

"Yes. That was the only lullaby anyone ever sang for me. Your voice, it was like the song was written for you to sing it."

"I was only copying you," she admitted, and squeezed his hands, and he smiled,

"Let's get some breakfast."

Part 3

#a court of thorns and roses #acotar #a court of silver flames #acosf #gwyn #azriel x gwyn #gwyneth berdara #gwynriel #gwyn acosf #azriel #fanfiction #fanfic

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elucienschild · 3 years

Text

Nyx’s first birthday

review: It is Nyx first birthday, and for the occasion the High Lords of each court are invited, and Feyre is stresses that something happens.

Tonight was Nyx’s first birthday, Feyre and Rhysand were determined to do the right thing for their baby, and, even if Feyre was stressed as she has never been, she agreed to follow the tradition. The first birthday of the child of the high lord, and in that case high lady too, was supposed to be celebrated with his family, of course, but also with the high lords of the other courts. It was their first time meeting the child, except for Helion, who already came to meet him, it was a real surprise for the others. Feyre wasn’t scared of Kallias, Thesan, or even Tarquin, but she was of Beron and Tamlin, she had no idea how the high lord of the Spring court would react when he will meet Rhys’ and her baby. This is why Lucien is in the Spring court for a week now, trying to calm the Beast, and convince him to come, not to make any more scandal like in the past, but to enjoy some company.

Feyre is freaking out, trying to dress up her baby. “Nyx, please baby, stay still”

“Sorry mama”

Feyre was shaking while closing the last buttons of Nyx’s shirt. Rhys arrived in the room. “How are my two favorite people?”

“Papa !” Nyx was running to his father in a second, and Rhys took him in his arms. “Hello, my baby, you are good looking”

“Mama dressed me”

“I guessed that babe. Why don’t you go look for auntie Elain? We will leave for the House of Wind soon.” He let go of his son, who runs to his aunt’s bedroom. “Fey... You need to calm down... Everything will be alright”

“How can you be so sure? What makes you think that Beron won’t try to kill him? Or kidnap him?”

“We won’t let him. Cassian and Azriel are warned, they have to watch Beron and his sons. We both will be with Nyx the entire evening, and if he isn’t with us, he knows he has to stay with someone. And, Fey, if anyone tries to hurt our son, I will kill them myself.”

“I wish I could be so confident” She sighed and looked at him. “If Beron is acting suspicious-”

“If he is, he or Tamlin or anyone, you take Nyx and fly away. As we said, if anything happens, you go hide Nyx to the cabin. Alright ?”

“Okay. Yes, I’ll take him to the cabin.”

Rhys approached slowly his mate by behind and hugged her. “I love you, and you are beautiful in this dress”

“I love you too, and thank you, you know I prefer wearing your shirt”

He laughs “Yes I do” then he gives her little kisses on her neck, slowly. “Come on, everyone is already waiting for us at the House.”

“Let’s go then.”

When they arrived, and after saying hello, they went to their place. Rhysand, Feyre, and Nyx we're near the door, to welcome the High Lords and the other guests. Morrigan and Amren were near the banquet. Cassian was with Nesta on one of the couches. Azriel already disappears, and Elain, alongside Gwyn and Emerie were talking on another couch.

Only a few minutes later, the guests started to arrive. Helion was the first to arrive with some people of his court, Nyx was pleased to see him, as always, because he always brings a lot of gifts, and Nyx loves gifts. Soon after him Thesan and his people entered, then Kallias and Tarquin. Feyre was relaxed for now, and Rhysand was looking after her every minute to be sure everything was fine. She was holding her baby in her arms as he was tired to stand. After an hour, Beron accompanied by his wife, the poor lady, and his sons appeared.

“High Lord. Lady” he looked at them in triumph, Feyre could have slapped him in the face just for the lack of respect he gave her.

“It is High Lady,” Rhys answered in his cold voice, the one he usually takes in the court of Nightmares. “I will ask you to show my mate respect before she makes you give her.”

He rolled his eyes. Arrogant. “Sure, High Lady. So I guess this is your son.”

“It is.” Feyre holds Nyx closer to her, mistrustful of the High Lord of the Autumn court. Nyx as a well-behaved kid, politely say hello to Beron.

Then they left to say hello to the other High Lords and to eat.

“See, it’s alright. He knows he cannot reach the limits.”

“He is potentially working with Korschei, Rhys, he is dangerous.”

“I know. But right now Korschei cannot reach us, and Beron isn’t strong enough to try anything against us. So try to relax darling, it is alright.”

“I hate when you are too calm”

“I know, but someone has to, your mother instinct is crazy,”

Arrogant Bastard. Fuck you, she said through the bond. And then hear him laugh. I love you too. She smiled. She stepped closer to Rhys as he holds her against him.

“Everything’s alright kiddo?”

“Can I go play papa?”

“Only one person left, and then yes, you will be able to go play.”

The little kid nodded. A minute later he gave a little scream of happiness and jump from his mother's arms, and runs towards the door.

“Nyx come back here !” Feyre was in a panic when she noticed that Nyx was running to Lucien. The redhead holds him in his arms, a large smile on his face.

“Hello little one, I missed you”

“Hi uncle Lucien, I missed you too” Nyx was shining, he always loved his uncle Lucien, and he hated when he had to go away for business. Lucien was walking to Feyre and Rhys, still holding Nyx, with Tamlin by his side. Feyre froze at the sight of him, Rhys sends a wave of comfort through the bond, and Lucien, as he noticed too, hold Nyx closer to him.

“It is good to see you, Lucien. Tamlin” Rhys salute him, Feyre and Nyx did the same.

“Mama, Papa, can I go play now?”

“Yes, babe, you can”

He jumps from Lucien’s arms, and then looks at him “Can you come to play with me please?”

“Sure” He smiled and follow the little one to play with him.

“He seems... Adorable” Feyre could have told that Tamlin was being a hypocrite, he hated this child before he even met him. Which was unfair, but she didn’t care, as long as he stayed away from her baby. Feyre’s mother instinct grows more every day, she didn’t even know she could have an instinct like that, her own mother never take care of her, how could she know how to take care of a child? But it was natural, the way she holds him, helps him, teaches him. Everything was natural. She has to admit that Nesta helps her a lot, since her sister was feeling better thanks to herself, her friends, and her mate, she had shown a real overprotective form that Feyre never knew she had. Nesta was visiting Feyre every day since her labor, and she loved it. They realized that they didn’t know much about each other, and they were trying to get closer. Nesta herself was happier. You could tell she was smiling more, and she was even trying to be more social. Recently she started talking with Lucien, and they find out that they kind of liked similar things, the first one being Elain. Nesta would never admit it, but Feyre knew she liked Lucien and she found him funny. Even though she told him that she hated his new friends. Nesta still disliked the mortal queen, Lucien was telling her it was because she didn’t know her and that Vassa was kind, but Nesta ignore it and forbid him to have a relation with her, I think I never saw Lucien laugh that much than this day. Indeed, he was already fond of Elain, and would never cheat. Even if they are not a couple. Yet. She started to acknowledge him when she was babysitting Nyx, she had some issues and Lucien was the only one here to help, since then they often babysit together, last time she even agreed to go to the restaurant with him, and when she came back and tell them everything she was shining of happiness. Feyre concentrated again on the discussion.

“He is.” Rhys ends up saying. Tamlin didn’t dare to say anything more and lead to the other High Lords.

The rest of the evening was calm, Nyx opened his gifts, all happy, and eat the chocolate cake Elain made for the occasion. Feyre ended up talking gossip with Mor, she learned that Lucien and Elain spend the evening together, playing with the kid, or just some time alone. Amren and Varian left early, apparently, she had forgotten to lock the door of her apartment, of course, the others knows what it means. Cassian and Nesta, to Feyre’s surprise, didn’t leave the party to spend time together, their mating bond was still so fresh that sometimes they needed to leave in an urge. Rhys spent the evening with all the other High Lords, talking about annoying things that Feyre didn’t want to know. Emerie joined Feyre and Mor in the middle of the evening, Gwyn and Azriel had started a competition and she didn’t want to be in between. Feyre could have sworn that something was happening between the two of them, but they were keeping it a secret.

When the party was over, Feyre, Rhys, and Nyx went back home. Elain decided to sleep at the House of Wind, of course, it was to spend more time with Lucien but she would never admit it. Feyre put Nyx to bed and join Rhys in their room.

“See? Everything was alright” He said when she entered the room

“Yes, sorry I panicked.”

“Don’t be sorry darling, it is normal, I wasn’t so confident either. But they stayed away from our baby”

She climbs into the bed after undressing and Rhys holds her close to him. “As they should”

He laughs “Good night darling”

She smiles and closes her eyes. “Good night”

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gwynsnesta · 3 years

Text

Take On The World - Gwynriel

Gwyn and Emerie had been invited for a dinner at the River House with the Inner Circle. It would be near the tenth time the two Valkyrie’s had been invited. Their High Lady and High Lord seemed to like them very much. Azriel couldn’t blame them. Not even Amren could find something to hate about them. They were too kind and perfect.

Azriel had winnowed Gwyn in while Mor, herself, had gotten Emerie from Windhaven. Gwyn had been so nervous when Az had gone to check on her. She was pacing back and forth believing that she was a burden and only being invited because they wanted to see Emerie. That Nesta would get piss if they left her out. He assured her that wasn’t the case.

“But what if they actually hate me and they’re just lying about it?” Gwyn had asked with tears in her eyes. His shadows had given her a comforting hug before Azriel was allowed to. He stayed with her and listened to all her worries.

“Honey, they love you. Just like I do.” He kissed her forehead, “You’re Auntie Gwyn to Nyx. I don’t think they’d give you that title if they didn’t like you.” He murmured and she chuckled lightly against his chest. “You are a part of our family. Our friend. You paint with Feyre every weekend. You and Rhys have a bond like Nesta and I, Cassian and Feyre. You’re our family too.” He would tell her time and time again. For all eternity if need me. Because she deserved it.

“You better not be lying to me.” Gwyn would say back. Azriel couldn’t help but truly laugh at this. “I would never lie to you, Gwynie.” He whispered as his shadows danced for her. “You’re mine and I am yours. Always and forever.”

“Always and forever.” She replied.

They arrived quickly because they were already running behind due to Gwyn’s almost breakdown. Not that Azriel would complain. One day at a time for the both of them. Feyre had greeted them at the door with a hug to each and a kiss on the cheek. Everyone else was already here.

Nesta and Cassian laughing with Lucien who had his arm wrapped around Elain as she smiled. He may have once felt love for her but now he felt the sibling love. She was his sister. Lucien was slowly becoming a brother. Amren was having a private chat with Varian. Rhys, Mor and Emerie were playing with Nyx, and Feyre chatted along with Gwyn about her training and their painting classes.

It was well into the night, after they ate, when everyone was starting to wind down that Rhys and Cassian had almost cornered Azriel. “What?” He had snapped after being split from Gwyn who was on the other side of the room with Nesta.

“We want you to sing.” Cassian replied back smirking.

“And why would I do that?” Az muttered trying to keep one eye on his brothers and the other on Gwyn.

“Because you haven’t sung for us.” Rhys told him, “Gwyn has. You haven’t. You aren’t equals if you haven’t both sung.” Cassian nodded to Rhys.

“You’re telling me that Gwyn and I aren’t equals because she’s sung for you and I haven’t?” Azriel raised a brow, “You’re both fucking delusional.” His brothers gave him a big pout but it wouldn’t work on him.

“Oh please sing!” Gwyn clapped happily. He looked up at her and she’d moved from across the room to behind his brothers. “You have such a wonderful voice, Az.” She seemed so happy and he didn’t want to ruin it.

“One song and that’s it. For at least another five hundred years.” Azriel responded.

“Deal!” Cassian almost shouted.

Azriel took the centre of the room with his Rhys passing him a guitar from his other-worldly cupboard. It still creeped Az out at times. How one thing wasn’t there and the next minute it was.

“Thank you.” He muttered to Rhys as he began his song. One he wrote himself for a certain redhead. He didn’t care if he was her mate or not. He cared that he loved her. Who needs a mating bond when he has the best woman ever.

Just say the word

We'll take on the world

Just say you're hurt

We'll face the worst, oh

Azriel’s eyes moved to Gwyn. Everyone held their breaths at the lovely sound of his voice. Such love and such care inside each word. His heart felt full, his body felt warm. He felt… happy.

I can see, see the pain in your eyes

Oh believe, believe me and I have tried

No I won't, I won't pretend to know what you've been through

You should know, I wish it was me not you

And just say the word

We'll take on the world

And just say you're hurt

We'll face the worst

Gwyn held tears in her eyes. Az hadn’t moved his eye contact from her. There was only her. No one else. He couldn’t imagine his life without her. If something would ever happen - he just couldn’t. His shadows swarmed around her, dancing to his song. Playing with her hair. Grabbing at her.

Nobody knows you the way that I know you

Look in my eyes I will never desert you

And just say the word

We'll take on the world

And it's the fight

The fight of our lives

You and I we were made to thrive

Oh yeah

And I am your future

And I am your past

Never forget we were built to last

Azriel watched as Gwyn’s cheeks blushed. He didn’t care that there were other people here. To him at that moment there weren’t.

Step out of the shadows and into my life

Silence the voices thay haunt you inside

And just say the word

We'll take on the world

And just say you're hurt

We'll face the worst

Azriel meant every lyric. He’d face the worst with Gwyn. All her nightmares, their pasts, their future together. As long as he had her by his side, he’d be okay. Dead or alive. Together forever and always.

Nobody knows you the way that I know you

Look in my eyes I will never desert you

And just say the word

We'll take on the world

Oh oh oh oh

And nobody knows you

The way that I know you

And nobody knows you

The way that I know you

He felt something snap into place as he watched Gwyn’s reaction. Azriel knew what it was but he was too afraid to admit it. At least yet.

We'll fight, we'll crawl, into the night

I won't let go with you by my side

The calm, the storm we'll face it all

But the word echoed in his mind like a chant. His mate. Mate.

And just say the word

We'll take on the world

And nobody knows you

The way that I know you

Look in my eyes I will never desert you

And just say the word (just say the just say the word)

We'll take on the world

Take on the world

When he finished they all clapped. Gwyn was by his side in a minute placing a delicate kiss on his lips as her tears fell. He hadn’t realised he held tears of his own until she wiped them away. Az held her tightly as he stood.

“Bloody hell!” Cassian patted him on the back, “You’re one lucky girl, Gwyn.” He laughed proudly.

“I’m the lucky one.” Azriel corrected. She blushed furiously. He smiled at her and kissed the side of her forehead as his other family members said how proud they were.

The night drawled on until Azriel winnowed Gwyn home. She was half asleep as he held her in his arms from the River House to his bedroom. Their bedroom. They’d moved in together even if they hadn’t done anything past making out. But he didn’t mind. Not when she laid on his chest and he could kiss her.

Gwyn was only able to change from her dress to his top before lying on the bed. He moved her so she was under the covers and hugging him. He wanted to cry. To die at her cuteness.

“You know, I’d take on the world with you any day.” She whispered to him, “Because I love you.”

“I love you too, darling.” He hugged her so tightly. Azriel couldn’t believe he was her mate! He didn’t believe for long he deserved her. But maybe… he did.

There and then he promised he’d tell her soon. At a nice dinner. Where he could sing to her afterwards. As she slept on his chest, he wrote his song for her. One of love and happiness. Of peace in his world of violence. Of light and dark. Of a kind priestess and a brooding spymaster.

He’d tell her. Tomorrow. The next day. It didn’t matter. But he’d tell her. Mate. It was if she was calling him home. As if she was his home.

#azriel shadowsinger #gwynriel supremacy #gwyn and azriel #gwyneth berdara #gwyn berdara #gwyn #gwynriel headcanon #shadowsinger #gwyn x azriel #azriel x gwyn #acotar headcanon #acotar #acosf #gwyn acosf

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julemmaes · 4 years

Note

"OH you are jealous" for nessian please❤️❤️❤️

Jealousy - October 10th

Nesta Archeron x Cassian

A/N: LOOOOVE THIS. Nessian is kinda competing lately for the second place on my top 3 otp (yeah I know what otp means, no need to correct me) and I think by the end of this week they’ll probably get the place yk. Hope you like this and again, sorry if they’re all coming by extremely late, but I have a life;)

Word count: 2,374

Nesta was shouting from the stands while Azriel passed the ball to Cassian and her boyfriend started running to reach the touchdown. Helion and Rhysand were protecting him, tackling and pushing anyone who tried to steal the ball from him. Lucien had entered the field to replace one of the defenders who had been suspended and was now running alongside him.

Halfway through the game, Eris, who was one of the best players on their team despite his bully temper, had seriously injured one of the players from the opposing school and the game had to be interrupted for about twenty minutes.

Nesta and her sisters were shocked to see the injured boy's leg bent into an unnaturally angle and she was so sorry when what must have been his girlfriend ran out onto the field on the verge of tears. The boy's heartbreaking scream had been horrifying and Nesta knew that if anything like that ever happened to Cassian she would beat up whoever tried to hurt him herself.

The opposing school, Adarlan High School, was struggling a bit and Nesta was really sorry that the players couldn't properly focus on the game. She realized on her own that the concern for their friend had to be greater than winning the championship. It was a huge displeasure, also considering that until that moment they had proved to be worthy opponents and that both teams had given a hard time to the other.

Even without Eris, however, their team was doing very well and when Cassian finally reached the extreme in the opponent's part of the field before the last quarter of time ended, the stadium exploded in chaos between screams of joy and chants to exalt the players.

Feyre hugged Nesta with enthusiasm, while they too joined in the chants and the girl managed to see Cassian shouting as he crossed the field and threw himself at his teammates. They all started laughing wildly and when the students began to take to the field to cheer the players and celebrate, Nesta did not hesitate to join the crowd.

She kept her gaze fixed on Cassian, who was getting pats on the back and hugs from everyone as he yelled to his friends how proud he was of them. She saw Tarquin jump on him and throw him on the ground and not a second later, the whole team was throwing itself at him. Nesta burst out laughing, imagining her boyfriend crushed by all those smelly, heavy bodies. Cassian always told her how much he hated that part of the games where everyone was attacking him since he was captain, but she knew how much he really loved his team.

Once on the field, Nesta was scrambling to make her way through the crowd, Elain's hand wrapped around her arm so they wouldn't get lost. The noise was deafening, but she could still hear Feyre loud and clear when she said, "Oh fuck, here they are."

She didn't need to ask who it was, she knew very well that her sister was referring to the cheerleading team.

She saw Amarantha's red hair and Feyre snickering sarcastically when she hugged Rhysand from behind, who stood oblivious to everything while talking animatedly to Helion, "Oh, hell, no."

Elain giggled amusedly when another one of the girls threw herself at Azriel and he jerked aside, looking at the cheerleader confused and stepping away, raising an eyebrow and inspecting the crowd around him. The middle sister didn't even say anything before running towards him.

As soon as Azriel saw her, he opened his arms wide, smiling widely and letting the force of the impact of Elain's body overcome him, throwing them both to the ground. Nesta could not help but smile, seeing them both laughing carefree as they rolled around in the field. She gasped when Thesan threw himself on them and Azriel had to move quickly to avoid him hitting Elain.

Feyre laughed, "Jeez, they are so stupid." then she looked her in the eye, smiling, putting her hand on her arm, "I'm gonna go to Rhys, I'll meet you later." she warned her waving.

Nesta nodded distractedly, focusing her gaze on the people around them, in search of that familiar bun of his. Her stomach twisted when she saw two equally familiar black braids flying in the air. Two braids that she well knew belonged to Emerie.

The girl was hugging Cassian like every time after a victory. Nesta knew full well that Emerie had been Cassian's friend long before she even got to Velaris, and her boyfriend had reassured her several times that there was nothing between him and Emerie, but there was always that bit of doubt in her mind that prevented her from making friends with the girl. That made her wonder if they were not meant to be together. After all, it was not so unusual for the quarterback of the football team to get together with the captain of the cheerleading team.

Everyone was always questioning how Cassian could be with a bitch like Nesta and not with Emerie who had a body to envy even the most beautiful model.

Looking at the three from the outside, you could not understand why the guy had chosen the perfect schoolgirl with a stick up her ass instead of the nice and always available perfect girl next door that everyone would want as a girlfriend.

Cassian seemed to be having so much fun and didn't seem to be looking for her and Nesta, not wanting to bother him and risking to burst that bubble of his, possibly precarious, decided to go back and get on the sidelines, watching him for a while longer. He was smiling so light-heartedly that she couldn't hold back the smile that popped out on her lips shortly after.

Coach Drakon was congratulating the other trainers and when she turned in his direction, only realizing at that moment that she was alone on the sidelines, he smiled at her, apologizing to the coach of the opposing team and going towards her.

Nesta kept her arms crossed at her chest, hoping to look confident, and not indignant and uncertain about what she should do. Hoping not to seem desperate that her boyfriend hadn't even noticed her absence on the field.

Drakon put one arm around her shoulders - just as Cassian held his on Emerie's shoulders and the other tightly around Tarquin's shoulders - looking her in the face with a curious expression, "What are you doing here all grumpy?"

Nesta loved Coach Drakon with all her heart, but sometimes she would have preferred him to mind his own business. When she didn't answer, the man looked at his players, looking at Cassian. He clicked his tongue once, "I see."

Nesta arched an eyebrow, looking at him sideways, "You do?"

Drakon laughed, giving her a quick squeeze on the shoulder and dropping his arm, putting himself in front of her, so as to cover her view of the entire crowd. "You're not as discreet as you think you are, my dear Nesta."

The girl grunted, "I'm not doing anything."

"I can see that for myself." replied the coach, trying to hide a smile, "And that's the problem, don't you think?"

Nesta looked him in the eye, gritting her teeth, "I think Cassian is enjoying the glory of his victory and I don't want to bother him."

"I've known Cassian for four years, darling, and I can assure you that he has never shown an ounce of how he feels for you to that girl over there." he placed his hand on her shoulder again, squeezing, "And as little as I know cheerleaders," he continued, "Emerie is harmless."

Nesta grimaced, "How do you know for sure?"

"Must I remind you who trains them?" he asked her laughing with that deep laugh that made half the teachers in their school drool. She shook her head, knowing full well that Myriam and Drakon had been married for more than ten years and were in charge of cheerleading and football teams respectively.

"Well," he muttered, "because those girls do nothing but gossip during practice, just like my boys, and Myriam and I know exactly who likes who. Trust me when I tell you Emerie is not a threat." Nesta nodded, sighing.

Drakon smiled at her as a father would with his daughter, "And Cassian would never do you such a wrong. That boy loves you too much to disrespect you in like that," he reassured her. She was about to thank him, when a more than familiar voice caught the attention of both of them.

"Coach!" cried Cassian, "Sir, have you seen Nest-" Drakon turned around, revealing Nesta hidden behind him and Cassian's distressed expression shifted. He smiled at her, standing next to the man and then frowned, shifting his gaze between the two of them, "What are you doing here? I've been looking for you for half an hour."

Nesta had to refrain from correcting him. The game was over no more than ten minutes earlier. She shrugged, "I stopped to talk to the coach and didn't want to bother you." she smiled lovingly at him. He reached out his hand to her and Nesta took it without hesitation, letting herself be pulled against his chest.

Cassian was looking closely at her face and Nesta closed her eyes when he pressed his hand to her cheek, "Are you sure? Everything okay?" he muttered when she opened her eyes again, looking at him in turn. She wrapped her arms around his waist and squeezed him, nodding slowly.

Drakon cleared his voice, congratulating Cassian and telling him that they would talk later in the locker room about what happened with Eris and the other player.

Cassian didn't even look at him, too focused on Nesta's face, looking for something that would make him understand what the problem was, but he answered affirmatively, assuring him that he would go to the opposing team to apologize for his teammate's unsporting attitude.

As soon as the man was gone, Nesta smiled sincerely, bending her head back, inviting him to kiss her. Cassian, however, did not seem inclined to accept her invitation, "What's going on, sweetheart?"

When Cassian called her sweetheart, the tone in which he uttered it, said a lot about his state of mind and from the way he had just said it, Nesta knew that he was really worried, so she chuckled, stroking his back and stopping immediately under his shoulder blades, where the shoulder protection started, "Nothing is going on, Cass, don't worry."

"So you're telling me that I found you on the sidelines talking all serious to my coach after we won the most important game of the championship instead of with my friends and with me because nothing is upsetting you?" he asked her, arching an eyebrow. Nesta freed herself from his grip, sliding a thumb over the wrinkles on his forehead. His expression relaxed for a moment before it grew hard again.

Nesta sighed, "I saw you with Tarquin and Helion and..." she mumbled, without meeting his eyes, "And Emerie and I didn-".

Cassian interrupted her, "Oh." he made a surprised face, then tilted his head back, bursting out laughing. Nesta was startled, "What is it?"

When he stopped laughing, he looked at her much more relaxed than a few seconds earlier and had that cocky smile on his lips. He leaned forward over her, taking her lips with his own, kissing her passionately. When Cassian's tongue caressed her lower lip, Nesta let go a breath out of her nose and opened her mouth slightly, letting him in.

Cassian's hands slid down and he bent down even more, grabbing her under the thighs and pulling her up so that she tied her legs around his hips. Her arms instead tied around his neck and her hands ended up in his sweaty hair, now left loose on his shoulders.

When Nesta ran out of breath she broke off and Cassian went after her, trying to catch her mouth with his own. She laughed, bringing her hand to his lips, pushing him back.

Cassian smiled at her, squinting, "So you are jealous."

Nesta closed her eyes, grimacing, "Don't say it like that."

"Like what?" he asked, sniggering and making them both tremble. One of the hands clasped around her thighs gave a light squeeze.

Nesta leaned her forehead against one of his shoulders, "As if it were something to be proud of." she complained. She settled her head better, so that it was placed between his neck and shoulder. Cassian held her tighter, kissing her ear.

"Yeah, sorry," he told her amusedly, "But it makes me laugh."

"And why should my insecurities make you laugh?" she asked, only slightly offended. She pulled herself up, looking him in the eye. She found a spark of love there that warmed her chest.

Cassian gave her a quick peck on the lips, "Because I love you so much that I don't even see the other girls and you feel threatened by Emerie," he chuckled, glancing across the field, "Emerie who's clearly been trying to get Tarquin in her bed for months now."

Nesta shifted her gaze to the crowd of students and the second Cassian put her down so he could turn around too, Emerie jumped forward, grabbing Tarquin by the shoulders and pulling him towards her.

Nesta gasped, "Oh, wow."

"About time!" Cassian shouted, loud enough for his friend to hear. Emerie raised a middle finger in their direction, but the gesture was soon pulled back when Tarquin grabbed her face in his hands and the kiss grew more passionate. Their teammates were cheering them on, jumping on each other.

Cassian turned towards her, holding her hand, and began to walk towards his brothers. He was stroking the back of her hand with one thumb and each caress was a burst of energy for her. When he bent over her, bringing his mouth closer to her ear, Nesta had to suppress the chills.

"See? I'm all yours." he looked at her with glistening eyes of emotion and Nesta felt every worry slip over her.

All hers.

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feysandandnyx · 3 years

Text

I really hate the pregnancy plot line, to me it doesn't make any sense. In my opinion, Rhysand is being mischaracterized by hiding Feyre's pregnancy risk. However, I think Sarah's intention was to show that Rhysand is being severely affected by Feyre's pregnancy, including his ability to judge or think. Basically, he's more overprotective than usual. Rhysand all the time tries to keep Feyre safe and hassle-free. He's not making it easy for anyone, not even himself.

"Did you really need to give Nesta that death glare earlier?" He sat up, the soul of innocence. "I don't know what you're talk about, Feyre darling" - "I'd never do such a thing. You must be thinking of your other mate." 'Yes, the cruel, overprotective, half-insane one" (acosf - Sarah. K. Maas)

"You have a pregnant mate, Rhys. You’ll kill anyone that presents a threat to Feyre. You’re a danger to all of us right now". "I’d never harm someone Feyre loves. You know that." There was enough tension in the words that Cassian clapped his brother on the shoulder, squeezing the hard muscle beneath. (ACOSF - sjm)

Tonight also served another purpose: to tell the world of Feyre’s pregnancy. She wore a dress of sparkling black panels, muchlike the one she’d first worn here—and it did nothing to hide her swelling belly. No, it showed off her pregnant womb, gleaming in the candlelight. Rhys’s face was a portrait of smug, male pride. Cassian knew he’d shred anyone who so much as blinked wrong at Feyre into a million bloody ribbons. Indeed, cold violence rippled off Rhys as they walked toward the dais, Feyre’s babyrich scent filling the air. (Acosf - Sarah J. maas)

Rhysand is being a danger to himself because he can't stand the idea of hurting Feyre.

“Because I can’t bring myself to give her that fear. To take away one bit of the joy in her eyes every time she puts a hand on her belly.” His voice shook. “It is fucking eating me alive, this terror. I keep myself busy, but … there is no one to bargain with for her life, in the amount of wealth to buy it, nothing that I can do to save her.” (Acosf - Sarah J. Maas)

The secret seems to arise from the need to keep Feyre safe:

Amren threw a withering glare in Nesta’s direction, but said, “We did not wish to alarm you. Fear can be as deadly as any physical threat.” (acosf - Sarah J. maas)

But Rhysand is overreacting, because he's more overprotective than usual:

Rhysand overreacted. He completely and utterly overreacted. Cassian shook his head, though Feyre couldn’t see it. I’m sorry you had to learn of it. I’m not. I’m furious with all of you. I understand why you didn’t tell me, but I’m furious. (Acosf - Sarah J. Maas)

“I think Eris is our ally, and will expect to dance with a lady of this court at the ball no matter what. I won’t let Feyre within five feet of him, Mor might kill him, and Amren is more likely to scare him off than win him over, so you and Elain are the only options.”“Elain doesn’t go near him,” Feyre said. “And you won’t let me near him?” Rhys threw her a charming smile. “You know what I mean.” Feyre rolled her eyes. “You’re becoming insufferable.” (Acosf - Sarah J. Maas)

Let's remember that alongside Feyre's pregnancy there is the possibility of war on the horizon and during ACOMAF Rhys was saying this:

“If I am a High Lord’s mate, I’m expected to bear you offspring, aren’t I? So perhaps I shouldn’t.”“You are not expected to bear me anything,” he snarled. “Children are rare, yes. So rare, and so precious. But I don’t want you to have them unless you want to—unless we both want to. And right now, with this war coming, with Hybern … I’ll admit that I’m terrified at the thought of my mate being pregnant with so many enemies around us. I’m terrified of what I might do if you’re pregnant and threatened. Or harmed.Something tight in my chest eased, even as a chill went down my back as I considered that power, that rage I’d seen at the Night Court, unleashed upon the earth.” (Acomaf - Sarah J. Maas)

There is no part of the book that says Rhysand wouldn't tell Feyre the truth. This is what Nesta is saying but 1) she knew how Rhysand was feeling 2) she knew he was looking for a way to save Feyre

“Is Feyre distraught?” “She doesn't know the full scope of it. In this she willed herself to settle the fear by leaching through her. "And Rhys needed to fight out his fear." "Yes. Along with his guilt and pain." (Acosf - Sarah J. Maas)

And Feyre is saying this about his relationship with Rhysand:

I knew he was hedging, and I let it slide. I'd learned that Rhys would tell me what was bothering him when he was good and ready.

It had always been part of our friendship: to give each other the space to decide when we were ready to talk. (Acosf - Sarah J. Maas)

Perhaps that explains why Feyre forgave Rhysand too quickly and she isn't calling him Tamlin 2.0.

No one is considering that Feyre could have an abortion (it's like there's no such option since it's not mentioned) and Madja was the one who forbade Feyre to do shape-shifting.

“Madja has put a ban on any more shape-shifting. She says that to alter Feyre’s body in any way right now could put the baby at risk. On the chance that it could be bad for the baby, Feyre is forbidden to so much as change the color of her hair until after the birth.” (Acosf - Sarah J. Maas)

Even if Feyre chose to make a shapeshift (which she doesn't), nothing could guarantee that she would miscarry or that the fetus wouldn't be deformed or anything like that.

So why is Rhysand controlling Feyre's body? Why can't he, as a parent, be worried about Feyre and the baby's life? Of course Feyre deserved to know, it was her right as well as Rhysand's. But why does he appear like a monster in some speeches? I believe that Sarah failed in this construction, especially when she does not write clear dialogue and leaves things for the reader to guess and this allows anyone to have their own interpretation of the subject. She could have written a dialogue between Feyre and Cassian where these things would have been clear. Feyre could have been talking through Cassian what it was like to kick Rhysand for that. I mean, does Cassian have time to wish Rhysand the same happiness but not to give depth to him or Feyre through his point of view?

Dialogues serve to clarify developments and contain damages. This should be taken into account, especially when you're writing a book where the main point of view doesn't favor the IC for a considerable part of the narrative.

#feyre archeron #feyre stan #pro feyre #high lady feyre #rhysand #feyre darling #feyre acotar #feysand #pro rhysand #high lord of the night court #high lord rhysand

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desertofsnowflakes · 3 years

Text

Incorrect Order Chapter 6 (Nessian AU)

A/N: I'm sooo sorry I haven't been updated in more than two weeks. I had exams :/ Also, do inform me if you wanna be added/removed from the taglist! If you happen to find my storyline similar to another fic or one of yours, I'm extremely sorry, I might've just not known. All characters belong to the author Sarah J. Mass. Enjoy!

Summary: Don't first impressions always affect the way you see someone? Well, what more with the Nesta Archeron? Nesta meets Cassian at few unexpected places and to say it didn't go well was a major understatement. Certain circumstances make them become enemies to tolerable company to friends to lovers.

Trigger Warnings: Language

1572 words | Incorrect Order Masterlist | Read on AO3 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The smile Cassian plastered on his face didn’t reach his eyes. His brothers saw that. Feyre and Elain saw that. Mor and Amren knew that. He himself did. But they didn’t say anything. If it weren’t Feyre’s anniversary, he would’ve even gone home. He couldn’t though. He wouldn’t do anything that would hurt his family. So he stayed. Smiled. Joked. Laughed. Did everything he could to keep his mind from straying to a grey-eyed masterpiece.

Az and Rhys saw, he knew. They always seemed to realise everything about each other. Even if one of them had a minor headache, the other two would know. Tonight, however, none of them pushed him. They probably thought he wanted to be alone. But did he? Truly?

He wasn’t sure. He didn’t want to be alone. That would make memories of their lunch rise. Of her shirt splattered with coffee on one day and blood on another. Of her pale form laying on his bed. Of her, enjoying his food. Of their shared jokes. He didn’t think he could take that.

He wasn’t sure he wanted to be around people either. He didn’t know if he could stay around people who laughed and teased. He didn’t know if he could laugh with them and actually mean it. He didn’t know if he could anytime soon.

Cass glanced at the clock. 3.00 a.m. He smiled. Whenever they gathered around in the living room, retiring early was totally off the table. The earliest they dispersed was four in the morning.

To his right, Rhys sighed. “It’s late,” he said, tucking Feyre close to his side. “Gotta go to bed.”

He smirked, but held back the joke on the tip of his tongue. After a chorus of goodnights, Rhys and Feyre told them they could stay here tonight if they wanted to and rose to go upstairs. Feyre laughed at something Rhys said and Cass felt a pang of sadness hit him.

Sadness… and something else. He knew he shouldn’t, but he envied the both of them. How easily they bantered and teased. How smooth their relationship was. He remembered how Feyre locked herself in the cabin after Rhys proposed. He remembered how she asked Mor not to let anyone in, especially Rhys. He sighed. He felt an amount of the jealousy dissipate. Probably Nesta would get together with him after their slight misunderstanding passed. If it did.

He got up to leave when Az stopped him. “You sure you’re going back?” Cass didn’t remember telling Az that he was going back. Then again he didn't need to. Az always saw everything. “You're not that… somber.”

Ah. Cass smiled. “I'll be fine, ” he reassured. Az still didn't let him go. “I'll send you a text once I'm home,” he tried. Az sighed.

“I'll be waiting for it.”

Cass looked at Mor, drunk and blabbering before stepping out of the house. He kept replaying that memory till he reached home, keeping his mind occupied. He was scared of what would happen if he kept his thoughts idle.

He informed Az that he reached home. He didn't know why going back home felt like preparing for a battle. It probably was a battle. Between her and his self-restraint. What was at stake here was his sanity. Cass sighed. He stepped in through the threshold and welcomed the darkness that enveloped him.

***

Stop crying like a baby, Nesta repeatedly reminded herself. Why should she cry? Nothing here was her fault. Nothing.

Not the fact that she let his charmed smiles bring her guards down. Not the fact that she felt alive when he said something stupidly funny. Certainly not the fact that she was slowly falling for him.

None of it was her fault. So why should she cry? Why should she stop herself from attending her own sister's anniversary? When it was all his fault.

She shouldn't be crying. She should be thinking about ways of exploiting his weaknesses. She should think about how she would portray him as the weak one. She should think about how she was going to make him regret everything.

But how could she make him regret it when she never regretted a second of it? She hated that this was where her thoughts went first. To scheming and plotting. She thought she changed. Did she regret her wish to be good? No. She reveled in it. No, she vowed herself, I would not scheme to make him beg. I'm not that Nesta anymore. I'll never be.

She was proud of herself. She never realised her self restraint was this good.

But apparently not good enough. Her thoughts drifted back to him. No, not him. Cassian. Cauldron, it'll take some time to get used to calling him Cassian. Or maybe Cass. Feyre and Rhysand called him that. Probably she would too. She thought about what he called her. Nes. She flushed. That stupid name did stupid things to her. She pretended she didn't like it. In fact, she loved it. Somehow, she wasn't ready to tell him that yet.

***

Nesta blinked open her eyes against the morning light. Her eyes were closed? It was morning already? Huh.

It took her some time for her eyes to adjust. She screamed at what she saw. Nesta scrambled back from the looming figure of Tomas, leering at her face.

“Nesta, Nesta, ” he said in his eerie voice. It became scarier with his sing-song tone. “My Nesta.” He paused. “Though I suppose you aren't mine anymore. You were still mine last time, you know. When you handed me over to the police. ”

She bared her teeth, opened her mouth to say something when his hand closed around her throat.

“But now, I suppose I can't call you mine anymore, can I? That reminds me. Where is your bodyguard? Or is that brute your boyfriend?” He spat the last word. His hand tightened around her neck.

“Do you know what he did to me? Your bastard. Did you know how he threatened me? Did you know that he smashed my bones, that it took me this long to heal?”

Some sort of savage satisfaction filled her. The fact that Cassian did all this… she smirked. It didn't go unnoticed by Tomas. He growled, the sound sending icy fingers ghosting down her spine. She hoped she didn't have to hear it again.

His hand around her throat pushed her farther back on the bed. He drew back, she let loose a relieved breath. A mistake.

His hand cracked on her cheek. He came infinitely closer to her, his hot, rancid breath glancing off her cheeks. His hand kept tightening around her throat and she wondered how she wasn’t dead yet. It was certainly bruised now.

“Look at you. So vulnerable. So killable. I’ve imagined how I would slit your throat. So many ideas. If only I could kill you in all the ways I imagined. But do you know what is the best way I could kill you?”

Nesta let him talk. He loved to hear himself talk. She subtly looked around her room, searching for anything she could use as a weapon. She looked back at Tomas. He wasn’t talking. Did he ask her a question?

“Tell me, Nesta. Do you know what is the best way to kill you?” Nesta shook her head, his hand pressed around her throat. Tomas smiled. She cringed mentally.

“I think the best way to kill you and make it hurt is to kill you slowly. You know what makes it better? Having that bastard watch you die. Let him watch the life seep out of you. And then I’ll kill him too.” he said and she felt the room closing in. Panic was slowly rising in her.

“Now, now,” he said. She supposed he meant to be cajoling but the effect his voice gave was the exact opposite. “There’s no need to panic. I told you I’ll kill you only when your bodyguard is there.”

He pulled out a knife. She gasped and pain erupted around her throat. Her lungs were burning.

“But darling,” he said. She whimpered. She hated this. She hated that she was vulnerable here. She hated that she couldn’t do anything when her death was slowly nearing. “I didn’t say I wouldn’t hurt you.”

Then his knife struck. Nothing hurt at first. Then, fiery pain whipped through her, beginning at her arm. She screamed. Pain. There was so much pain. She screamed so loud she pondered how the whole neighborhood didn’t hear anything.

***

Nesta gasped. Her eyes darted through her room. Nothing. No one. She looked at her arm. No pain. No scars. No blood. She touched her throat. It wasn’t sore. It wasn’t swollen. She got out of bed and looked at her mirror. No bruises. She let out a frustrated sound. It was a dream. A fucking dream. Or she supposed it was a nightmare. Still. It wasn’t real.

It was still five in the morning. Still quite early. She released a breath. She wouldn’t find a cab now but she could walk. It wasn’t that far. She fixed her hair and changed her clothes. She wasn’t going because she missed him. She just didn’t want to be vulnerable again. That’s all. She just wanted to know how to defend herself. Nothing else. So Nesta went to Cassian’s house, hoping that she’s making the right choice.

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