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seokjins-luigi · 2 years

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i hate everything about you | pt. 1 | pjm

・pairing: ex!jimin x ex!f!reader

・genre: exes to lovers | a lot of angst | a slightly little bit of a love triangle

18+

・word count: 6.7k

・summary: accidentally, you bump into your ex who, mind you, previously cheated on you. so you're 99% sure the only feeling you have left for him is sheer hate. but the 1% leaves you questioning.

・banner: by the amazing @kookdiaries

・A/N: firstly, i want to wish our baby mochi the happiest of birthdays! i really wanted to have something to post on his birthday, since i couldn't do it for any of our other boys this year ):

i also want to say that i'm really happy/surprised with the huge amount of attention the teaser for this fic got! i felt so inspired, thank you all for taking your time to share it and to talk to me about it too !! <3

i hope you enjoy this first part and i promise i won't take too long to put out part 2! here's a playlist for y'all to play as you read it, if you want to hehe also shoutout to the anon who asked for the black haired jimin header back lol this one's for you

as always, thank you to my fave person @primadonnasdream. without her, i would never be able to write any of my stories.

feedback is always appreciated, sweeties 💜

・permanent taglist: @goldenhoney-cas @yuugehn

・taglist: @imluckybitches @bbtsficrecs @minijagiya @jackinthethroat @arckyive @chimchimmarie @bex-92br @rkvi @hoseok666 @joonsytip @callmejimmeo @koreanaestheticc

There are about eighteen thousand bars in Seoul. You know this because you’ve just googled it. Out of curiosity? Not really. Just because you couldn’t wrap your head around the fact that out of all the bars in Seoul, all the eighteen thousand bars in Seoul, Jungkook had to pick the one where your ex is currently working.

Not to blame it on Jungkook, poor guy. There was no way in hell he could know this and you’re sure that if you told him, he’d be crushed, since, according to him, he’s been trying to muster up the courage to ask you out for months. To be fair, you didn’t even know Jimin had left his partner, Seokjin, and his own bar to start working behind the counter again. Not that it's any of your business, anyway. He can go to hell for all you care, especially after dumping your ass three days before your four year anniversary for some random girl he met on that stupid fucking bar of his.

That fucking stupid bar he clearly didn’t even own anymore. Joke’s on him.

It broke your heart in a way you’re not sure it’s ever going to heal. He meant the world to you, all that butterfly bullshit and everything. When he left you, it felt like your world was falling to pieces. You shared a life, even shared a home. A small apartment near his stupid fucking bar, you were so happy when you two finally moved in together.

Building intimacy takes time, compromising to someone else’s well being and happiness costs more than only your time. Learning how to share your space, your insecurities, your feelings, your everyday life. That shit takes time. Giving yourself to a person takes more than that. It takes courage.

You gave all of that and much more to Park Jimin. But you regret doing so with every fiber of your being. Learning to live your life again without having him in it was one of the hardest things you’ve had to do so far.

You had your share of revenge after fucking his best friend, Taehyung, and making sure to tell him about it when you went to your apartment to get his stuff back. If you felt like shit, you had to try to make him feel at least one percent of the heartbreak you had been feeling. After that, you heard that he and Taehyung got into a physical fight and had cut ties.

It was definitely not a very peaceful break up experience, both of you were extremely proud people and could not stand losing. It took you a great amount of therapy sessions in order to stop dreaming and thinking about him 24/7.

Do you still believe in love after that? You’re not sure, probably not, but it doesn’t mean you can’t have some fun. Jungkook was a very sweet and flirty distraction in the middle of your heartbreak. Not to mention the guy is hot as fuck, but right now, you swear you could just punch him in the face.

Because out of all the bars in Seoul, here you are. At the one your fucking nasty ex boyfriend works in.

As soon as you walked in, you felt something was off with this one. It felt like the universe itself was trying to spare you from this experience. Of course, you didn’t listen to your intuition, especially because Jungkook told you a friend of his has been talking wonders about the drinks from this specific bar.

Once you looked over at the bar, you saw him. For a split second, you froze. He looked as gorgeous as ever, dark locks obscuring his eyes from where you could see. You didn't allow yourself to feel any type of way with the sight of him, you were over him, you definitely didn't want to go back to the pit where you recently came out of, thank you very much. He was too busy with whatever he was doing at the moment to notice you, fortunately. You just rushed over to Jungkook, locking your arms out of nervousness, leaving him quite giddy about it.

Did you ask him to leave and look for another place to spend the night? No.

Should you have done so? Maybe.

But you wouldn't deny yourself the satisfaction of showing Jungkook off to him in the place Jimin works. It didn't matter that only looking at him made you miss him more than words can ever say, you know that he’d feel pissed out of his mind. You’d deal with your feelings some other time.

“Looks nice, huh?” Jungkook asks you with a sweet smile hanging on his pierced lips, bringing you back to planet Earth.

You nod faintly, showing him a warm smile.

“There's a balcony back there, do you see it?” He asks again, holding your hand now. You weren’t even able to react to Jungkook’s gestures properly, you were too lost in your thoughts about Jimin. “It’s got a very nice view of the city, if anything, we can take some nice photos here. You look hot, by the way”.

“Oh- I- Thanks, Jungkook. You too, by the way”, you tried smirking. “A-Are we getting a table or what?”

You usually don’t get thrown off by his compliments. You love when it happens, of course, but you’re usually good at flirting, you see he gets slightly puzzled as to why would you react like that all of a sudden.

“Are you okay, Y/n?” He asks you, caressing the back of your hand with his thumb, a little concern can be sensed in his voice tone.

“Of course! Why do you ask?” You reply, tilting your head a bit, trying to sound convincingly confused.

You would not simply ruin your date by mentioning your ex boyfriend is the bartender he’s been listening compliments about.

“Nevermind… Why don’t you go ahead and grab us a spot on the balcony? I’ll do the honors and order our drinks. Any preferences?”

“Surprise me”, you challenge him, squeezing his hand before letting go of it, still trying to hold the confident demeanor he’s used to.

You head over to the balcony, not really looking over at the bar, trying your best to forget about the fact that Jimin was here and could notice you’re here too at any moment. The most annoying thing about this situation is that you’re feeling too nervous about seeing him. Much more than you should be.

So what Jimin is here? You’re over him, remember? Get your shit together. You’re here with Jungkook, enjoy your date.

You try distracting yourself by scrolling on your social media, not really paying attention to anything in particular, just trying to keep your mind away from Jimin. You can’t really understand why you feel almost shaky, maybe that’s how your body reacts to someone you hate.

You only had the courage to look into his direction again when you felt Jungkook was coming back to your table, with a warm expression adorning his beautiful features, holding two drinks in his hands. It would have been the beginning of a nice date, if you couldn’t see Jimin’s eyes shooting daggers in your direction from above Jungkook’s shoulder.

Yes, he’s seen you already. Of course he’s seen you.

Naturally, since you noticed Jimin’s eyes on you, you were simply not able to relax. Jungkook was acting like his normal charming self, completely unaware of what was going on inside your head. You simply nodded whenever it felt like he was waiting for a reply from you.

“Why are you nodding? Did you hear what I said?” He asks you, with an embarrassed half smile, making you feel slightly guilty for not giving him the attention he deserves.

Damn you, Park Jimin.

“Sorry, Kook, I zoned out for a second. What was the question again?”

“I said the restrooms here are amazing and that you should see it”, he repeats himself, pointing to the drink in front of you, he continues. “I need to use the toilet again, by the way, do you want another mimosa?”

“Oh, sure. Thanks”, you reply with a gentle smile, the nicest one you could flash at him.

You honestly liked him. He was a very good person, from what you could tell. Unfortunately, you completely lost the focus on this date, maybe it was your fight or flight instincts taking over your thoughts, but the only thing you could think about was Jimin’s burning gaze on you and how badly you wanted to escape.

You were pretty sure you got over him, he’s your past. That’s a fact. He is past, there’s no other way. The idea that he can look at you like you’re doing something wrong by moving on with your life makes you feel livid, that’s all there is to it.

He’s always had the talent to make everything be about him, but this time around it genuinely pisses you off. This whole situation was actually just a coincidence, he’s the one needing to get over himself.

“So, who’s the idol wannabe?” A voice startles you.

A voice you know all too well.

Following the sound of this voice with your eyes, you contemplate the one and only Park Jimin, the man who cheated on you. The once love of your life. You refuse to allow his presence to affect you in any type of way, though.

“Idol wannabe?” You snort, crossing your arms in front of your chest. “Oh, you mean my date? Wow, Mini, you sound so frustrated when you put it like that… Cause, you know, you’re an ex idol wannabe too”.

“Very funny, babe. Who’s the guy?” He jerks his head in the direction Jungkook went, with an authoritative expression on his face.

Like he had any right to be asking you questions about your life.

“What’s that, Mini? A public jealousy display?” You figured the best way to deal with him was by not giving him what he wants.

“Isn't that what you wanted bringing him to the place I work?”

“I can’t believe- Why do you think I care about how you feel or don’t feel, Park Jimin-ssi?” You blurt out, trying to keep your composure as much as possible. The last thing you want is to make a scene. “It’s funny that you think I’d give myself the trouble to make you feel jealous. I didn't even know you left The Wave”.

“And you expect me to believe that?” He cocks his brows, eyes not leaving your face. “You're a character, Y/l/n Y/n-ssi”.

“As I’ve stated before, Park Jimin-ssi, I do not care about anything that’s related to you anymore. I’m sorry if my presence here feels like an insult or whatever, but, you know… You should have moved on with your life by now too”, as you spit these words at him, you see his eyes flickering with an indignation he would not be allowed to lash out the way you know he wants to, because, after all, this is where he works. “So, if you excuse me, my date can come back at any second and I have no interest in letting him know you’re my ex”.

He grimaced, not uttering another word. That is so unlike him, it’s funny... and kind of weird. He has quite the explosive demeanor and you know you were kind of harsh to him right now. You almost feel guilty, but then you remember how humiliating it was finding out about his infidelity.

What he made you go through was way worse.

Placing a Daiquiri glass in front of you on the table, he smirks, but you see his smile does not really meet his eyes, covered by a darker cloak you couldn’t actually explain where it came from.

“Alright, Y/n-ssi. Here’s your drink”, bowing to you, as he takes his leave. “You’re looking as gorgeous as ever. Good luck with your idol boy”.

“Jimin-ssi, that’s not really what we ordered”, you raise your voice tone slightly, just so you made sure he could hear you.

“Oh, I know, babe. But we both know you’re not really much of a mimosa woman”, he answers, the irony lying underneath every single one of the words that came out of his mouth, turning to you again. “I know you very well, unlike your date, apparently. Don’t worry, this one’s a little more expensive, so, it’s on me”.

He blinks at you, turning on his heels again, this time around not taking another glance in your direction again, leaving you with an almost bittersweet taste in your mouth, that only goes away when you see Jungkook’s smile getting near you again.

He sits in front of you again and you honestly don’t understand how you allowed Jimin to get under your skin for even a split second. Jungkook was everything you could ask for a guy to be: stunning, into you and not your complicated ex.

“A daiquiri?” He asks you in a gentle tone, knitting his brows together. “Sorry, I guess the bartender didn't understand what I said”.

“No. It’s fine, I’ve started drinking this one already”, you state.

It’s kind of cute that he paid attention to you to a degree in which he noticed the drink you were having. He’s a sweetheart, but Jimin was right, at the end of the day. You’re not much of a mimosa girl.

“Don't worry, he’s the one who made the mistake… I’m sure he’ll bring you a new one”, Jungkook turns in what you know is Jimin's direction, with his right arm raised, gesturing for him to come over to your table. Then, he turns back to you, with a sweet smile hanging from his pierced lips. “He’s coming”.

Jungkook calling him over was something you simply didn't expect to happen, you didn't have time to react, to think about something to say or for a reason to stop him. You figured you couldn’t have a very strong reaction here, since for all that matters to your date, this guy is just the bartender, not your ex-boyfriend from a relationship that ended really badly.

Naturally, it doesn’t take Jimin more than ten seconds to get to you, and knowing Jimin, he would stop anything he was doing so he could come over and be petty, if possible.

“Can I help you?” You hear his voice, but refuse to turn your head in his direction.

You know he’s looking at you, though.

“We have actually ordered a mimosa, but, maybe there was some confusion, and we ended up getting a daiquiri instead. I was wondering if there’s something we can do about it”, Jungkook had both sides of his mouth turned up in a likeable smile, as he gazed in Jimin’s direction.

You know Jungkook’s niceness would only piss Jimin off even more.

“Oh, yes, the daiquiri. There’s no mistake, actually”, Jimin mimics the smile Jungkook flashed at him, but you know his isn't a heartfelt one. “I think it suits her better than a mimosa. Anything else?”

“I’m sorry?” Your date’s brows snapped together and the niceness in his smile dissolved into disbelief. “How did you come to a conclusion about the type of drink she prefers?”

“Oh, believe me, I know it”, Jimin snapped back, in a controlled tone.

Jungkook’s eyes darted in your direction, kind of looking for some sort of endorsement to what he was saying to Jimin, obviously baffled by the boldness of this guy. He, obviously, didn’t find the same kind of expression on your features. It didn’t take him too long to understand that something was off, in a split second, you saw the realization dawning in his face.

You felt cold to your bones, concentrating on using every single bit of what was left from your self control in order not to run away from this bar and leave both of them bickering over the goddamned daiquiri.

“Well, she seems pleased with your choice of drink”, Jungkook tried, clearing his throat. “Thank you for your service, I guess. Keep up with the good work”.

Jimin bows to Jungkook and then to you.

The atmosphere Jimin leaves behind is so heavy you can almost touch it, you feel the air weighing all around you and Jungkook, who was focused on playing with the napkins on the right side of your table. You open your mouth, but the words just refuse to leave your lips.

You don't even know how to start. What could you possibly say in a situation like that? Most importantly, would you be able to actually explain anything without bursting into tears in front of Jungkook? Not only did you run into your ex for the first time in almost a year, but also he had to come over and make a scene in front of the guy you were seeing.

It was only your second date with Jungkook, after going out for a very nice dinner, in which the two of you couldn’t stop smiling and laughing at each other’s jokes. If only you two had gone two any other of the eighteen thousand bars in this city, you would have never seen Jimin and you’d also not be feeling this terrible uneasiness in your chest.

“So”, Jungkook breaks the silence, but you see he’s still looking at his hands as if those damn napkins were the most amusing thing in the world. “You apparently know each other”.

“We do. But honestly, I don’t really want to get onto this, Jungkook. Sorry”, you confess, not really knowing if you’re angry or simply dejected by this encounter.

Jungkook could have also just not mentioned the fact that it was clear you and Jimin have some kind of history. Why do men have to be so clueless all the time? Honestly, it feels like a curse liking men sometimes. The whole situation was so off putting, you truly just wanted to go home, it didn’t matter Jungkook was hot and the nicest guy ever, Jimin was able to kill the mood for you completely.

You see Jungkook is fighting some sort of internal battle and you feel extremely bad for being the reason behind it.. He had been the sweetest person you had a date with in a very long time. You obviously were not ready to try dating again, Jimin was still all over you, and unfortunately, not only figuratively speaking.

"I'm so sorry for dragging you into this mess", you finally break the silence, making Jungkook look at you again. "I honestly don't feel so good right now…"

"Yeah, I imagined. All I can do is wholeheartedly tell you that it's alright if you wanna go home or something. I don't really know what happened between the two of you, but I can tell something definitely happened", he sympatized and you could tell he was being genuine, not really knowing why, you just saw it in his eyes.

You feel like going home, for sure. Just laying in bed for a couple of hours and crying your eyes out would be the only medicine for this. Maybe, tomorrow after work, you’d need the “best friend plus romantic sad movies combo”, but you’d be alright. Unfortunately, seeing Jimin after this time apart was not as easy as you thought. You just knew that the lump in your throat wouldn't just disappear after installing itself there once again.

Looking deep into Jungkook's eyes, searching for some sort of judgment or resentment, which you do not find, you muster up the strength to be fully honest. If nothing, he deserved it.

"I do want to go, Jungkook", you confess, taking his hand, that rested upon the table, into yours and squeezing it lightly. "I'm really sorry for being a louzy date tonight. I promise I'll try to make it up to you".

"Hey, don't worry…" He says softly. Jungkook squeezes your hand back, but lets go of it and pulls it back, leaving yours hanging on the table by itself. "I have kind of waited a long time to ask you out, but I can wait some more. Date number one was amazing, but we can’t always win. I just want us to have a good time together. I'll let you make it up to me, it's fine".

“I’m really sorry…”

“It’s fine”, he shakes his head, a soft smile hanging loosely on his pierced lips, sounding convincing enough to you. He is genuinely a good person. “But for out next date, you’re the one who should be asking me out. Deal?”

He extends his tattooed hand to you, still beaming at you.

“Fair enough”, you shake his hand back, feeling a little better for his reassurance. “Deal”.

You must be the most stupid person to ever walk this earth and you know it. Losing your chance with a guy like Jungkook is one of the most ridiculous things you've ever put yourself through. But what can you objectively do? You just ran into your ex and it was awful. You just wanted to cry curled up onto your pillows until you forgot, once again, what the sound of Jimin's voice felt like against your ears. You were in no mood for small talk and flirtation anymore. It was better ending the night like this, than being a statue around him, right? And if he said you could make it up to him later, you could really try to.

You know that if you weren't feeling this blue, you'd be embarassed as fuck. Maybe, tomorrow, you will.

Jungkook insists on paying for your drinks, saying that you could pay on the next time. Good to know that he's really counting on a next time and he didn't say it just to be polite before. Fortunately, he doesn't really offer to take you home and you call yourself a car. All you wanted was to be alone with your thoughts for a while.

This whole situation wouldn't be this awful if you didn't feel Jimin's eyes on you the whole fucking time. You knew he was watching the whole scene unravel in front of his eyes with an indescribable delight.

Indeed, he won this time. But you could only hope that this was the only battle he'd win from now on. You needed to find your way back to yourself.

And you will, it’ll just take you a little bit of time again.

The light breeze gently touches your skin, as you feel the warmness of the rising sun delicately kissing your hair. The star emerges from behind the hills, as you stand in front of them, tall and strong, deeply rooted to the depths of the earth.

Suddenly, you hear a very loud noise, sounding like a distant bell. Looking around you, you’re not able to find the source of it. It’s not possible that it’s coming from one of the trees, is it?

You hear it again, this time, longer and more annoyingly depriving you from enjoying this beautiful day out in the meadows.

But then, you realize this is a dream. And as soon as the realization hits you, you wake up. You hate being an occasional lucid dreamer, who wakes up as soon as you notice you’re in a dream. It has prevented you from fulfilling many of your fantasies with your celebrity crushes because you always feel like the scenarios are too good to be true.

Then you hear the unblessed noise that woke you up one more time, noticing it’s been the sound of your doorbell this whole time. Finally finding your phone, after your hands grop on your bedside table looking for it, you see it’s 3:27 in the morning. Why the hell would anyone ring your doorbell in such an ungodly hour?

Well, a burglar wouldn’t ring the doorbell, right? You reason, trying not to freak the fuck out.

The doorbell rings one more time, then you hear what seems to be a muffled attempt at verbal communication. Should you go to the door? Should you call the cops? You have no idea.

It could be one of your neighbors looking for help. What if it was an emergency?

“Mrs. Hong? Is that you?” You blurted, voice a bit shaky from the anticipation.

You hear another muffled response, not really understanding anything this person is saying, but you know it definitely isn’t Mrs. Hong.

Fuck, Y/n, are you stupid? Whoever this is, now they know you’re inside!

You feel your whole body starting to tremble, heartbeat racing as the worst images possible flash through your mind. You want to go back to your bedroom, call the cops and hide under your bed until someone comes to save you from whoever is this weirdo at your doorstep. The sound of your parents’ voice saying you were crazy for moving out of their house to live by yourself echo through your brain and you can feel the tears start brewing in the corners of your eyes when you’re able to distinguish a word from the muffled bumbling from outside your door.

You are positive you heard the person finishing their sentence with a “babe”. Instantly, you feel a warm wave of relaxation invading your body, in contrast with the uneasy feeling you had a minute ago. You know exactly who it is on the other side of your door. Looking at the peephole, you find the exact person you expected to see leaning against your door frame. Park Jimin. A very, very drunk Park Jimin, from what you can see.

Your hand goes straight to the door handle, opening the door with a blunt movement. When he realizes what’s happening, his eyes land on yours and you see them turning into the shapes of small crescent moons, as a smile rests on his plumpy lips.

“You almost gave me a fucking heart attack, Jimin-ssi! What the fuck are you doing here?” you bark, watching the smile disappear from his face.

“Sorry, I swear I didn’t mean to scare you! I just want to talk to you and if I’m here, it’s your fault! I could have just called, but you fucking blocked me everywhere”, he pants in a high pitched voice, one he uses when he’s allowing his irritating to take control over him.

“It’s almost four in the morning… You’re clearly drunk… I really don’t want to do this, Jimin”, you state, pinching the bridge of your nose. “Please, get the fuck out of here before you disturb my neighbors too”.

Slamming the door on his face, you turn on your heels towards your bedroom, but before you’re able to walk four steps in its direction, Jimin’s voice can be heard from the inside again. Only this time, he didn’t have his face buried on your door and he was shouting in front of your house.

“Y/n-ssi! I just want to talk to you, pleaseee”, and the there was a knock on your door. “Y/n-ssi! Let me in, Y/n-ssi!”

You feel your blood boiling like magma in your veins, knowing you gave him the perfect weapon to use against you when you mentioned your neighbors. He knows you wouldn’t want these people to talk about you, to talk about the guy who was making a fuss by yelling your name for the whole street to hear in front of your house. You know him and you know that he knows how he plays his games, even when he’s drunk. In a blunt movement, you open the door and grab Jimin by his coat, this time, dragging him inside.

For a second, the two of you just stare at each other. Due to the closeness, you’re able to sense the scent of his cologne, the musky one you gave him on the last Valentine’s day the two of you have spent as a couple. You hate him even more for not getting rid of what’s left of you in him.

“You wanted to talk, didn’t you? So, talk!” You hiss, crossing your arms in front of your chest, feeling the need to break the silence before you did something you’d end up regretting.

He blinks, clearly still mesmerized by the fact that his lousy strategy to get you to do what he wanted worked.

“I saw you left not even five minutes later from that… Well, awkward moment”, he wiggles his eyebrows exaggeratedly as he speaks. “You got yourself a nice suitor, huh?”

“The moment was awkward all thanks to you!” You fumed, unconsciously raising your pointer finger in his direction. “You asshole!”

“Why am I the asshole here? I just told him the truth!” He stated emphatically, with a flicker in his eyes you were just not able to identify precisely.

You were able to smell the alcohol in his breath, due to the closeness, and you felt even more disgusted to be in his presence.

“After cheating on me, you think you have the right to come back and interfere in my love life?” You whisper, angrily. It feels like the temperature in your house is rising, but you know it’s just your anger making you feel hot on the inside. “What did I do to you, Jimin-ssi? Why do you feel like destroying my life every chance you get? Just leave me alone!”

You see your words have an effect on him and whatever he was about to say, you feel like your words have just stopped him from going on. He sighs loudly and when you were about to kick him out of your house, he starts again.

“Who… Who is he, babe?” He looked down as the question finally left his lips.

You almost missed him, his arms around you, his voice whispering soft words in your ears. You almost allow his vulnerable demeanor to get to you.

Almost, but you know better.

Sighing, just like he did seconds ago, you voiced.

“Why do you even care, Jimin? You have nothing to do with my life anymore, you know?” You run your hands through your hair, nervously, looking away from him for a second. “As I’ve told you earlier today, you should’ve moved on by now, after all, you were the one who chatead. Own up to your mistakes, dear, you’re a grown ass man. And stop calling me babe!”

He looks at you, wide eyed after you snap at him. The fact that after all these months without seeing him, you were finally able to say everything you wanted to say to his face brought you some sort of relief.

“When I saw you today, after all the time we’ve been apart, I realized that's the problem… I have nothing to do with your life anymore. I miss you, Y/n”.

It's so hard to hear him saying those things. Mostly, because, deep down you know you miss him too. It hurts so bad to know that you can never have him back, despite loving him. You'd never be able to truly let go of what he did to you. Acknowledging it was the hardest part, it felt like the lump in your throat just got bigger.

“You can't change that unless you have a time machine”, you said under your breath, more to yourself than to him.

“I can't believe he took this away from me too… Fuck…", he snorts, rubbing his face harshly with both of his hands.”

“What are you trying to say? Who is he?", you ask him impatiently. You would not have him just throwing crazy and riddled information at you at this point. "Are you talking about Taehyung?

“No. It's not about Taehyung. Nevermind", his eyelids drop as he mumbles.

“Really? Is that how shit’s gonna go down? You come to my house to pester me in the middle of the night like you had the right to still be in my life after what you did? And you talk in riddles, like, if there's something I still need to know, now's the only time!” You stop, trying to find the right words to try to get to him as much as he did to you. He didn't move, his eyes were still closed as you spoke. As he made no move, you felt like you could continue. “You know what’s funny, though? I guess if things had worked out with miss thing, you wouldn’t be here right now. So, thank you for showing me you’re just a lonely piece of shit. It's good to know you're in pain too”.

“You still have no idea, do you?” He snorts, mouth agape as he eyed you.

“Oh well, I don't know if I do. Please, enlighten me, Jimin-ssi. Did the illuminati make you cheat on me or something?"” Scorn spewing out of your words.

He looks at you once more, his eyes burning with longing. It just made your blood boil even more inside of your veins.

“I’m sorry, Y/n. I can’t even say how all of that broke my heart in, like, one million pieces”, he whimpered lowly, his head down as the words left his lips, not really entertaining your mockery.

You snort.

“How all of that broke your heart? Have you considered that if you had not cheated, we’d still be together? Have you thought about how all of that broke my heart?” You poke him angrily on his chest, feeling the unwelcome misery settling once more in your chest once you heard Jimin’s words. “It was all your fault, Jimin! If we’re not together right now, it's your fault! You broke my heart!”

You vomit all those words at him, holding back the years with every single bit of strength left in you. His eyes travel up to meet yours as you spoke, Jimin’s features are clouded by something you can’t quite name. Is it regret? It must be, it’s the only thing that makes sense. Maybe he’s genuinely sad about it too, but it honestly doesn’t matter. Or maybe there was really something he was trying to tell.

Whatever it is, hee deserves to deal with it on his own. You don’t have to allow him to drag you back to the hole of pain you were able to come out of, very recently, by the way.

“You’re right, Y/n-ssi. It was all my fault. I shouldn’t have come here, I don’t know what I was thinking.” He sighs, running his hands through his dark locks that fell to the sides, looking partially messed, in a very attractive way. “Again, I’m sorry. For everything. Maybe, someday-”.

“Yeah, sure. It doesn’t matter anymore”, you cut him short. You just can’t do this anymore, you can’t listen to him whining. Not without bursting into tears and you definitely didn't want to cry in front of him.

On the other hand, the attraction you feel for him, right now, standing before your front door, his features barely lit by the only source of light coming from your bedroom behind you. You hate him for still looking great, for still messing with you, for still being the most handsome man you’ve ever seen. You hate yourself too for feeling like that about him, after all this time.

“Is… This guy. Is he nice to you?” He breaks the silence, his voice as soft as feather touch against your ears.

“He’s just a guy, Jimin. But just stop… Stop asking”, you mutter. “Please, just go”.

He nods, still gazing at you with his magnetic dark eyes.

“I hope you know this”, he points to himself and to you, as he jerks his head in your direction. “Us. Me being here. It means I still have very strong feelings for you. Very strong feelings I can’t control, I guess”.

“I don’t wanna know, Jimin-ssi. Really”.

“I’m sorry, but by the way you still look at me… I’m sure there's still something there. Maybe you’ve done a nice job locking it away, but I know it’s still there”.

“I don’t-”, you stop yourself, and turn to him with a louder tone. “Just fucking go!”

The control you had over yourself so far was gone, you just want him out of your sight. Hopefully, out of your mind too.

When it finally seemed like he was ready to leave, he turned to you once more, gazing intensely into your eyes. Before you had the chance to tell him the get the fuck out for the last time, he had his arms around your waist and his lips found yours; hungrily.

His kiss was exactly the way you remembered. Intense. Passionate. Breathtaking. Right. It just felt like home. His tongue pursues yours in a fervent twirl and your tongue corresponds in the same intensity. His hand travels upwards, resting on the nape of your neck, spreading a pleasurable warm sensation where it touched.

He pins you up against the wall, his lips not leaving yours for a split second. He pressed his body against yours and you wrapped your arms around his neck, enclosing any space that could be left between your body and his. He felt so warm against you and the way his touch felt against your skin made it impossible for your brain to think about anything other than the right now and how much you longed for him.

“I’ve missed this”, he said softly, his plumpy lips against yours. “So much”.

He presses his lips against yours once more, but now you realize you can taste the soju on his tongue. Then, you come to your senses.

You’re missing your drunk ex-boyfriend in the middle of the night. This is the man who cheated on you. The man who made a fool out of you and didn’t give a fuck about your feelings. You swore you wouldn't allow him to touch ever again. Here you are, breaking your own promise. Worse part is, maybe he won’t even remember anything that was said or done when we wakes up tomorrow.

In an instinctive impulse, you push him as hard as you can, trying to create as much distance as possible from Jimin. You don't face him long enough to know what happens to him, besides the confused look on his face after forcing him away from you.

“Jimin-ssi… Just get the fuck out of my house”, you start babbling, but trying to control the wobbliness in your voice.

You hate yourself for being so weak, all it took him was a kiss and you almost dropped all the defenses you’d worked so hard to build up.

“Y/n, just hear me out, please… I wanna tell you everything”, he cried out, his somewhat wobbly voice coming from behind you.

“Jimin, please!” You murmur, imploring. “Just leave me alone.

And there was silence. It felt like time had stopped, you just focused on not allowing the weight on your chest to take over you. You don’t know how long it takes, but you hear your front door being slammed, then all you could do was allow yourself the tears you were holding back to roll down your cheeks in an attempt to release this pain from your chest.

part 2

#jimin angst #jimin x reader #jimin x you #jimin fanfic #jimin fanfiction #jimin series #jimin smut #jimin au #bts fanfiction #bts fic #exes to lovers #jungkook fluff #love triangle #bts series #bts x reader #bts fanfic #jimin fic #i hate everything about you

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torturedpoetemotions · 1 year

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Jensen on Destiel

Okay! So we're always getting "Jensen doesn't like Destiel and said it wasn't real one time years ago" thrown in our faces by bitter no-lifes who can't just let other people enjoy things. So I thought it'd be fun to compile a list of all the times Jensen talked positively about Dean and Cas's relationship!

Right now it's just a list of things I remember from being in this fandom since 2011. Eventually I will add links to sources, video sources wherever possible. Watch this space!

(Also, if there's something that isn't referenced here, feel free to reblog or reply and I'll add it to this post! I want to grow this post as big as possible so we can always remind ourselves how little the one or two comments antis constantly reference actually matter, especially given how much of this comes after those comments were made, indicating Jensen has long since changed his mind.)

Straight from the Jackles Mouth

Jensen talking about Dean and Cas's relationship and how important it is to Dean.

"Dean has no taste, clearly."

"What are you looking forward to tackling this season?" "Cas."

Jensen talking about the confession scene, Castiel's goodbye, and he, Misha, and Dick improvising the handprint.

Jensen talking about he and Misha watching and sharing fan reactions to the confession.

Jensen talking about asking a crew member to film the confession on his phone so he can remember it as Jensen and not only as Dean.

Jensen talking about a lot of his reaction being cut out of the confession scene's final edit.

Talking about Dean and Cas's relationship transcending human understanding (yes I do count this, he was trying to do damage control after Jared's homophobic rant).

Saying Dean wasn't making any decisions in the confession scene, which emphasizes that Dean was not rejecting Cas by not being able to say anything back in the moment.

Saying after Cas was gone Dean was thinking "I didn't give him anything. I should have said "I love you, too."

Saying if s15 Dean (who was LITERALLY SO MAD AT CAS HE COULDN'T LOOK AT HIM for half the season) could give s4 Dean any single piece of advice, it'd be to keep the weird angel around because he'll be the best friend Dean's ever had.

Talking about Dean and Cas's reunion and how he hopes we'll get to see it someday. It would be a big hug and then "can we talk about that good-bye a little bit?"

Fan Encounters

"I live it" in reference to Destiel fanart and calling Destiel kissing art the paparazzi shot.

Signing Destiel fanart, switching his pen to match Misha's where he'd already signed it.

Choosing the Lovers tarot card for Destiel

CasDean 4 Lyfe photo op

#ja destiel positivity #supernatural #destiel #spn cast #jensen ackles #let me be clear: we don't need jensen's say so for destiel to be a valid and highly supportable interpretation of canon #but for anyone feeling down and out when bitter antis start spamming your inbox: this is for you

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spnhunter4life · 4 months

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Winchester's Girl

A Dean hockey AU. I went to a game with my coworkers last night and came up with this idea. However, since I have neither the motivation nor the knowledge of the sport to write out a full-fledged fic for this, have a bullet pointed summary of what I came up with. (What would this be called? An imagine maybe? I feel like I've seen posts similar to this called imagines.)

A/N: Ok, so this turned out to be longer than I anticipated (imagine that). This is a bit more actual story and less summary than I expected when I started this. I still think it fits better in this format though, because it's easier to skip around where I want and not put the effort into combining it all together somehow. Also, just a heads up, this is tagged friends to lovers because I think that's the best way to describe it. I also think the lovers part tends to imply that there will be smut, but that is not the case here.

Word Count: 3.5k

Masterlist

You and Dean have been friends for so long, you can barely even remember life without him. You met in eighth grade when your family moved to Kansas and immediately clicked. You had a lot in common, but you especially bonded over your shared love of hockey. You were there to be proud and support him as he transitioned from the local high school team to the college team, and then again when he made it to a professional team. Nothing made you more proud or excited than hearing that he had become center for the Kansas Hunters.

All the guys on the team knew you. You were even pretty good friends with a few of them. Since you attended more of his games than you might care to admit and had even been known to attend a practice or two if you and Dean had plans after, the rest of the guys jokingly referred to you as Winchester's girl.

"Hey, Winchester! Your girl is here!" They would call out to him when they spotted you entering the building on practice days. It was Benny who said it the first time, and it just sort of caught on from there.

"Who is that girl?" Cas's new girlfriend asked one night, spotting you at a party following a big win. "I think I've seen her at every single one of your games." Cas barely even needed to glance in your direction to know who she was talking about. "Who, Y/n? That's just Winchester's girl."

A couple years ago, during the off season, Dean decided it was time to take you skating. Despite being a lifelong hockey fan, you'd never actually learned to skate. You were a little nervous about falling over a lot and making a fool out of yourself, but mostly you were excited. You loved watching Dean on the ice, the speed and ease with which he moved. It was like he was flying. You wanted to be able to experience that freedom for yourself.

Despite his laughter and teasing -- "How can someone who spends so much time at a hockey rink be so terrible at skating?" -- he was a very good teacher. He had endless patience and was familiar with the way you learned which made it easy for him to pass on the secret knowledge of how to balance on two blades in a way you quickly understood.

By the end of the first lesson, you were a little bruised from falling so many times but had also figured out how to stay upright and move around. And if you were still moving at a snail's pace as you got used to things while Dean zoomed by you, at least you were on your feet.

You and Dean have this years-long running bet of sorts. It started in high school when the two of you were in chorus together, you because you enjoyed it and wanted to be and Dean because he had to in order to get his fine arts credit -- although you suspect that no matter how much he denies it, there was a small part of him that enjoyed it. Your teacher had a requirement that at the local band/chorus contest, everyone must participate in at least one small group piece on top of the pieces you sang as a full choir. Dean pestered you for days before you finally agreed to do a duet with him. "But," you told him, "only if you score a goal within the first three minutes of the game tonight." You weren't sure why you decided to make him work for it instead of just agreeing. After all, you knew he was a decent singer and would make a good duet partner. Not to mention you enjoyed spending time with him, so working on a song together wouldn't exactly be a hardship. But you'd already offered the deal and weren't about to take it back. Of course Dean's eyes lit up at the challenge and he immediately agreed. That night, just over two minutes into the game he scored a goal. He immediately looked up, finding you in the crowd quickly since you tended to sit in the same place, and winked at you. You knew it was his way of gloating in the couple seconds he had available to do so, and you rolled your eyes at him but couldn't contain your smile.

After that it became a thing. If there was something Dean wanted from you -- something he wanted help with or something he wanted to do that he knew you'd enjoy but you were a little hesitant about (like going to homecoming with him) -- he'd use the "if I score a goal in under three minutes" challenge as a way to get it.

After a while, it evolved into more of a silly game. It became an almost every game occurrence. He still brought up big things once in a while -- "if I score in under three minutes tonight, you have to go talk to that cute guy from the library you won't shut up about" -- but it was mostly little stuff. "If I score in under three minutes tonight, I get to pick the movie we watch this weekend; If I score in under three minutes tonight, you're buying me a pizza; If I score in under three minutes tonight, you have to come with me to the show my friend and his horrible band are putting on. If I have to suffer through it, so do you."

You suspected that he liked the challenge of it, that he wanted to give himself a reason to really work hard. While he definitely wasn't managing to score in time every night, he managed it enough to gain a reputation for himself as an early game scorer. "Watch out for Winchester in those first few minutes of the game," you'd heard people say. "If he gets anywhere near your goal, he will score."

Just like the first time, if he won the challenge, he would find you in the stands and wink at you. In the college years, this led to the more intense fans -- particularly the young women who knew what he looked like beneath the helmet -- to speculate who he might be winking at and why. In the last couple years with the Hunters, it led to even more teasing from the guys about you being Winchester's girl.

It has been a brutal game against the Hunters' biggest rival the Leviathans. More fights have broken out than you've seen in probably the last three or four games combined. One of the Leviathans' defenders broke his wrist in the first period. The score has been neck and neck, neither team able to gain a lasting advantage over the other. There is about a minute and a half left in the game when Dean scores a goal, putting the Hunters two points ahead, the biggest gap of the whole game. The crowd cheers, none of them louder than you, you're sure.

It happens in the middle of the next play. One second Dean is flying down the ice, all fire and determination. The next, there's a collision of bodies. You don't think anything of it. It happens all the time. Until three of the bodies pull back and the fourth is left lying on the ice. You can't do anything but stare as the big black 67 of Dean's jersey stares back. Fear holds you prisoner and you can't move, watching helplessly as the coach steps onto the ice, followed soon after by an EMT. He manages to find his feet and is escorted slowly off the ice. You're on your feet in an instant, heading for the locker room where you know he'll be looked at.

You pace back and forth outside the locker room, not daring to actually go in. You know you're not allowed. So you pace, biting your fingernails as you listen to the final moments of the game and wait for some sort of news on Dean. The buzzer sounds, signaling the end of the game, and you know it's only a matter of time before the rest of the team is here. Maybe then you'll get some answers.

"What are you doing back here?" A hard voice demands. You look over to see the Leviathans' coach staring you down. He must have been passing by on the way to the other locker room. "You shouldn't be here," he says, not giving you time to answer.

"I know, but-"

"Get out of here," he demands. You know he's doing the right thing. He's probably dealt with overzealous fans before that wait for players outside the locker rooms and is only defending the privacy of the opposing team. But you don't appreciate his tone, especially given the circumstances.

"She's fine," a second voice says before you can answer. You look over the coach's shoulder to see Cas standing there, the rest of the team behind him. None of them look happy.

"Novak," the coach says. "I was just trying to make sure you weren't bothered. Fans shouldn't be back here."

"You're right, they shouldn't," Benny agrees. "But that's Winchester's girl. If she wants to be here, she has every right." The nickname that at first made you blush and now makes you roll your eyes never sounded so good. It's like a badge of honor. In a way, the team sees you as family. They will defend you and let people know you belong here with them. With Dean. The coach backs off.

"Just tell me how he is," you ask, turning to Benny and Cas with pleading eyes. Of course they don't have any more idea than you do, but you just want them to go in, assess the situation, and come back to tell you what's going on.

"Why don't you go find out for yourself?" Benny answers. You look at him in surprise. "I can't go in there," you tell him.

"Sure you can," Kevin disagrees. "Nobody's undressed in there. You can be in and out before we've got our pads off." You wait for only a second to see if anyone will protest and when they don't, you rush inside. Your eyes zero in on Dean immediately, sitting on a bench and talking with the EMT, who turns his head at the sound of the door opening. A look of surprise crosses his face and he stands up. "Young lady, you can't-"

"Yes she can," Dean cuts him off. His eyes are looking slightly unfocused, but they are fixed on you. You hear the rest of the team file in behind you as you make your way over to Dean, slowly, like you're afraid he'll break if you move too fast. You look him over as you move. His helmet, gloves, and skates are off. He looks ok, except for the eyes. "What happened?" You ask, sitting carefully beside him. "Are you ok?"

"That depends," he responds. Fear fills you again. Is the injury that bad? "Depends on what?" You ask. On if he has surgery to fix it? On if he never plays hockey again? The horrible possibilities flood your mind.

"Did we win?" He asks. You're too stunned to answer. You replay his question in your head a few times, sure you must have misheard him. "Are you serious?" You finally ask.

"Yes, I'm serious," he responds. "Did we win?"

You let out a frustrated breath. "You were up by two with barely more than a minute left. Of course you won," you answer. "Then I'm fine," he says. You feel like you could smack him. Why must he be so difficult? Why couldn't he just answer your question.

"Dean. What happened?" You demand. You can hear the edge in your voice.

"It's just a minor concussion. It was nothing. I'll be fine," he says dismissively.

"It was not nothing," you argue.

"It's hockey," he answers, as if that is explanation enough. "People get hurt. You should be used to that by now."

Sure, you've seen lots of players injured throughout the years. You've even seen Dean injured. But it was always something minor. Bumps and bruises, a sprained wrist, a broken nose one time. It wasn't the same. "I should be used to seeing you laying flat out on the ice and not moving?" You demand. Something in your voice alerts him to the fact that you're done with the joking and avoiding.

He sighs. "What do you want from me here, sweetheart? It's over and I'm fine. There's nothing more to do about it."

His question catches you off guard. What do you want from him? For him to never play hockey again? No. That wouldn't ensure he was never hurt again, and he loves it too much. There are many reasons you could never ask that of him, not the least of which being you have no right to ask. Do you want him to assure you that he's alright? Because he's already done that. So, what then? If you're being honest with yourself, what you really want is to hold onto him for a while, and for him to hold you back while your brain works on accepting the fact that he really is ok. But you can't ask that.

Instead, you agree with him. "You're right. I'm sorry. You just really scared me out there."

"I'm sorry you were so scared," he says sincerely. "But I promise, I really am ok."

"I know," you say with a forced smile. You give his hand a squeeze before leaving the room, giving the rest of the guys the privacy they've been patiently waiting for.

It's a couple weeks after the concussion incident. Things between you and Dean have been the same as usual, except they haven't been. Not really. You can't pinpoint what it is that's different, but there's definitely something. It's New Year's Eve. You're at a party with Dean and a bunch of guys from the team. Dean has been at your side all night. You wouldn't go as far as calling it weird, but... it's definitely not usual. You've attended a lot of parties together and while you make a point of knowing where the other person is and even spending a fair amount of time together, you do usually hang out with other people too. Not that you're not hanging out with anyone else. It's just that apparently you're staying together while doing it. Not that you're complaining.

The midnight countdown is fast approaching. You're not currently dating anyone so you've resigned yourself to not having a midnight kiss this year. You don't mind. You don't really see it as the big deal a lot of people seem to. You think to yourself that Dean better find someone very quick if he plans on kissing someone though. For some reason, that thought doesn't sit quite right with you. You're not sure why. You've never cared before who Dean kissed.

The countdown starts. You watch the people around you as they scurry to be near their partners. The count reaches two and you turn to Dean, preparing to clink your beers together in celebration. The count reaches one and Dean's free hand goes to rest on your cheek as he leans in and presses his lips to yours. When he pulls away, it leaves you breathless. The room explodes into cheers and the clinking of bottles and glasses.

"Why'd you do that?" You ask, ignoring the celebration going on around you.

"Should I not have?" He asks. It's a mild question, but there's a challenge in it. As if he's daring you. But daring you to do what?

"No, it's not- I didn't say that." You're not sure what he was hoping you'd say, but this is clearly at the very least not the wrong response. He waits for you to continue. "It's just... we've both been single on New Year's Eve before. You've never kissed me."

"It's never been right before," he shrugs. He sees your confusion and explains. "You and me, I think we've been heading in this direction for a long time. And I think everyone but us could see it. It's why the guys tease us so much. It's why there's a bunch of hockey obsessed girls out there who are insanely jealous of you even though up until now there hasn't been anything to be jealous of. I think it's why all of my girlfriends haven't liked you very much and your boyfriends have hated me."

"I wouldn't say they hated you," you protest. You're not sure why. It's probably the nerves at the implications of what he's saying. It makes you feel better to say something, unhelpful as it may be. He just gives you a look before continuing.

"I don't know if we honestly didn't know we felt this way or were just lying to ourselves about it. But you can't tell me things haven't been different between us lately. I know it's not just me." Was he right? Was that the change you've been noticing? You're not sure if you would have come to this conclusion on your own. After all, this was Dean. Steady, reliable, Dean who you've never seen as more than a friend. But now that the possibility has been brought up, now that he's kissed you, you can't deny what you're feeling.

"Things have been different," you admit. "I just..." How to finish that sentence. You just what? Never saw Dean in that way? Not untrue, but what was the point in bringing it up? Objectively you've always been able to clearly see why other girls fought tooth and nail for his attention. And now that you are looking at him that way, it is a pointless statement. You weren't expecting it? Also true, but obvious enough without having to say it.

Dean is usually good about letting you sort through your thoughts at times like this, but today he doesn't have the patience. "You just what?" He prompts. "Didn't expect the night to go like this?"

"Well no, I didn't. But that's not what I was going to say."

"Then what?"

"I don't know," you sigh, frustrated at your inability to find the words you want. You start speaking without really thinking, and thankfully the right words come to you. "I guess I just didn't realize why things were different. I noticed it, but I couldn't figure out what it was."

"And now that you know?"

You give him a little mischievous smile, feeling more confident after having some time to process. "Being just friends was getting a little boring anyway. Too predictable. I think it's about time we change things up."

Dean grins back and it lights up his face. You nearly catch your breath at the sight. Having your eyes opened to your feelings is like peeling a film off your eyes that you've lived with your entire life without knowing it's there. It's like seeing him for the first time, and he is the most stunning man you've ever seen. "Alright," he says. "Let's change it up then. If I score in under three minutes at the next game, you have to go on a date with me. Maybe you even have to kiss me."

You stop your jaw from literally dropping open, but you know he can read the look of disbelief on your face. "Your next game isn't for four days." You point out. "You're really going to make me wait that long?"

He shrugs, but you can see the teasing glint in his eye. He's all talk. "We've waited for ten years. I don't see what another few days could hurt."

"Screw that," you say. You set your beer on the table next to you and throw your arms around his neck, pulling him down to you. His hands settle automatically on the small of your back, arms around your waist, and you can feel his smile as he kisses you. You can't help but to smile back.

You're soon interrupted by a shouted, "Hey, Winchester finally got his girl!" from a drunken Benny, followed by whistles and catcalls from the rest of his teammates. You can't fight the heat that rises to your cheeks, but you sit through the ensuing teasing and congratulations as patiently as you can. Thankfully it's short lived as there's more exciting things happening -- it is a party after all -- and Dean's arm around your waist certainly helps calm your nerves.

"Don't be embarrassed," Dean says, knowing you've never been one for PDA. "You know they don't care." You aren't so embarrassed that you won't get over it in a minute or two, but you appreciate his attempts to calm you nonetheless. "And look on the bright side," he adds, brightening at whatever he's thinking. "At least now we're all on the same page the next time they call you my girl."

You smile. He's right. 'Winchester's girl' has a whole new ring to it now. It might have taken us a while to catch up, but they were right. You are, and always were, Dean's girl.

Secondary note: I realize I switch tenses halfway through this. I don't really feel like fixing it though. Also, I've tried to at least keep the present tense section all present tense, but I wouldn't be surprised if I'm switching back and forth. I usually write in past tense and found myself reverting back to it without realizing multiple times. I've reread it to try and catch anything, but it's late and I'm tired, so I probably missed some. I'll probably read this over again sometime in the next day or two to find any errors, but I wanted to get it posted. Hope you enjoyed!

Tags:

@123passwort @buckybarnes-1917 @chicken-nuggs-and-cozy-hugs @globetrotter28

#winchester's girl #supernatural #fanfiction #hockey au #dean winchester #reader insert #dean x reader #getting together #friends to lovers

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locke-esque-monster · 7 months

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You know what I find really fascinating about the destiel confession? The entire discourse about if it's canon or not.

Let's ignore those who say Cas's speech wasn't romantic love for the purposes of this post (though I beg them to try to limitus test I've seen of giving that speech to a platonic friend or relative and it not being uncomfortably weird).

I'm talking about how the argument I've seen, both by Destiel shippers and non-shippers it isn't canon if Dean never responded.

And like yeah - that's fascinating.

First because it means everyone has their own definition of canon. Is it someone confessing their love to the person they're in love with? Is it both parties confessing? Is it a physical action like a kiss or sex? Do you have to have both the love confession and the physical act or will only one suffice? Is it someone acknowledging to themselves or another 3rd party their love for someone even if it's not to the person in question?

We all have our own definition of canon intrinsically and this one happens to fall in an incredibly loose gray area.

And that's because there's the other limbo of this confession in Dean's lack of response. I actually can think of no other example of a show that does anything like this (though if they exist I'd love to know). Any other show would have something definitive at some point of Dean acknowledging the sentiment. Dean confessing back. Dean telling Cas he loves him, but as a friend. Dean telling someone after Cas's death he was in love with Cas. Dean being confused by Cas's confession and him dealing with that love after the fact that he doesn't share. Dean acknowledging afterwards he doesn't know how he feels about Cas's confession. Quite literally - any verbal acknowledgement either during or after the fact this confession happened.

And it doesn't exist. It's Schrodinger's confession. Or maybe Schrodinger's response. We all (Destiel shippers) assume the cat is dead because all evidence points to the fact (it's been in the box 3 years after all). But there are factions pointing to the lack of proof because it isn't official because we haven't looked in the box. And frankly, a lot of people would love to look in the box, find out definitively, but it's not an option on the table. The box isn't in our hands to check.

So instead we treat it like a knock of "Shave and a haircut" without the two knock response. If there's a call, there has to be a response. And we all fill in what we assume the last two knocks are based on our own individual definitions of canon and fight over why our knocks don't match someone else's.

And, on top of that, Cas's confession is all about the being and not having. We can be in the moment and enjoy this ship is canon. But we also can't actually have it (it being a concrete response, a kiss, a happy ending) as much as Cas couldn't. It's prophetic - breaking the 4th wall by accident - it's something almost not quite nothing - regardless there's something about the parallel here that's telling about the ship itself.

So yes, while the shipper in me is eternally torn between this being somehow both terrible and great, the English major/secret TV critic in me finds this terribly fascinating.

#credit to a comment i saw today that called destiel only “canon” if you consider a stalker confessing their love a relationship #my soul died a little #like even if you don't ship it that's a disservice to cas's character and memory #and that inspired me clicking some existing discorse i had on the subject into me trying to understand that kind of response #or at least general fandom discourse bouncing around in my brain for awhile #spn meta #spn #supernatural discourse #supernatural #destiel #deancas #castiel #dean winchester #nov 5th #november 5th #november 5 2020 #schrodinger's cat

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veryace-ficrecs · 3 months

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Valentines Day Fic Recs

Happy valentines day! this list will be fics focused around or on valentines day! Enjoy!

This list will include all ratings and tags, so read at your own discretion! :)

One Piece

waiting by tinyjet7 - Rated G

zoro watches sanji hand out treats to everyone but him.

Ship to Sea, Lock to Key by 8ball - Rated G

“I want to buy the cook a restaurant.”

Ted Lasso

Take My Whole Life Too by ItsClydeBitches - Rated G

Ted Lasso was the kind of man who taught NSYNC choreography for a going away party and bent his players into impossible positions just to say “Hi, Boss!” in the morning. He’d organized fearsome bets over darts, baked heavenly biscuits on the regular, and had requested at least two boxes from Nate Shelley’s niece, one of which still sat on a shelf in his office, despite the betrayal. Ted was also a passionate believer in what he referred to as “rom-communism,” all the trappings included. In retrospect, Trent should have known he’d go all out for Valentine’s Day.

9-1-1

Take Another Little Pizza My Heart by Phreakycat - Rated T

In which Buck helps Christopher with his Valentines for school, and discovers some things about himself. OR Buck is oblivious, but Eddie loves him anyway.

be my valentine by coupe_de_foudre - Rated G

“What sort of stupid joke is this, Buck?” Buck gapes, holding his hands up in mock-surrender. “Hey, I didn’t do this! I was driving.” (or Christopher gets sick of his dad and Buck being oblivious idiots and decides to help them out)

Stranger Things

Be My Valentine? by Sharpbutsoft (BuckysButt) - Rated T

“Aren’t you sick of me, yet?” Eddie asks, joint dangling precariously between two fingers. He’s stretched out on the floor of his bedroom. It’s this ritual he and Steve have been sharing for months now. Light some incense, order pizza, share a joint or three and give voice to the half-formed thoughts swirling round their heads. Eddie’s been balancing on the precipice of this conversation for longer than he’d care to admit. Exposing himself, pushing a boundary he knows better than to break. This thing with Steve, this delicate relationship, if you could even call it that. It still feels new, fresh. Fragile. And Eddie’s not known for handling these things with care. Smash first, ask questions later.

Cupid's One-Shot by DeadEyedGemini - Rated T

When Will Byers calls him up on a Saturday afternoon to invite him to come and play a surprise One-Shot at Gareth's house on Valentine's Day he doesn't really have a reason to say no, it's not like has a date or anything better to do. Imagine his surprise when he showed up to find that not only is Robin Buckley there to play but so is his long-time crush and friend, Steve Harrington. Soon it becomes apparent that everyone seems to be in on some secret that Eddie isn't aware of, but also that this one-shot might have an alternative motive than just being something to do on a Tuesday night.

cherry cordial by ShowMeAHero - Rated E

He’s staring down hard at his phone, scrolling aimlessly through Facebook without reading anything, when someone bumps into him. Whoever it is grabs the pole, their hands brushing against each other’s. Right in his ear, the guy says, “Fucking shit, you’re hot.” Eddie’s head jerks up, startled, and he meets the bright blue eyes of a man at least eight inches taller than him. The guy’s got a pink knit cap tugged down over his head and a spill of curls falling down from it, his glasses fogging up in the warmth of the train car. “What?” Eddie demands.

Supernatural

(un)attached by one_more_offbeat_anthem - Rated G

Three months after Chuck's defeat, Dean is spending his Valentine's Day eating spaghetti and making cards with Jack while his brother goes on a post-hunt vacation. And then Jack asks if he can make a card for Cas.

Bee my Valentine? by your_average_fangirl256 - Rated G

Valentine's Day Fluff.

Dean builds Cas a garden..and Cas proposes in it. There are Pie and Bees too.

Teen Wolf

Candy-Coated Roses by simplyambyy - Rated G

Holidays at work are always a festive time and Valentine’s Day is no exception. The entire building is covered in hearts and flowers while the front desk of every floor has a dish of Hershey’s kisses wrapped in red, pink, and silver foil. Stiles exits the elevator and makes his way towards his cubicle, smiling and murmuring greetings to his favorite co-workers on his way. For some reason, the twenty-six-year-old was in a pretty good mood and it might have to do with the cherry-flavored lollipop he knew was waiting for him at his cubicle. What Stiles isn’t expecting is the pile of roses and lollipops covering his desk space.

Craigslist Valentine by Triangulum - Rated E

The Craigslist ad had been because Peter had been wonderfully, spectacularly drunk. Reservations for the Palm are hard to get, even for someone like Peter, and he's had his name down for eight months. He refuses to waste it. If he hadn't been trashed on expensive pinot noir, he would have considered maybe inviting his best friend, Chris, or taking out a niece or nephew. But no, he'd been three sheets to the wind and decided that he needed to share his Valentine's Day dinner reservations with a random stranger. Or Peter refuses to let good dinner reservations go to waste just because his (ex)girlfriend cheated on him. He drunkenly makes a Craigslist ad to find a date, and Stiles answers.

Labyrinth (1986)

Valentine Revisions by Rayac - Rated M

As part of a cathartic exercise, Sarah is dared to prepare some unusual Valentines for the men of her past. She never planned on the Goblin King actually receiving his or that he would meet her revised expectations. But does he ever.

Star Wars

no place like home by ShowMeAHero - Rated G

“Anything else?” she asks, ringing up his coffees. The ding, ding-ding, ding, ding of the register’s buttons wakes Han up a little bit more. “Yeah,” he says, “I’ll have a pack of, uhh… Whatever’s cheapest.” He taps his blunt nails on the vinyl countertop. “And do you have those little, like— Those little cards kids give each other?” “Like, the little folding ones?” she asks him. “You realize that today is—” “Yeah, I’m aware."

Merlin

From the Heart by supercalvin - Rated G

In which Arthur gives Merlin gifts. “No.” Morgana shook her head, “No, see you don’t understand.” Morgana took him by the shoulder and pulled him close as if to divulge a secret. “Arthur Pendragon does not give good gifts. He is actually the worst gift-giver in all of England.” “Oh come on, the scarf isn’t that bad.” Merlin said, now kind of insulted for the piece of fabric. “Merlin, the scarf is perfect for you. It’s a good gift. Arthur doesn’t give good gifts.”

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spnfanficpond · 24 days

Text

New Member Spotlight - April 2024

The Pond is always growing and we want to make our new members feel welcome! Here’s a list of recent additions to our fishy family, along with a little info about them!

Guppies, Jellies, and Mutuals, oh, my!

@elf-punk -

Other SM names? - Discord: crumblemoon, AO3: queen_karnilla

OTP? - Destiel all the way

Other fandoms? - Doctor who, Dune, Harry Potter, Marvel (Loki specifically), Sandman

Looking for in the Pond? - Mainly to meet and hang out with other SPN fans, and share/read fanfic and headcanons! Nothing super specific.

Pairings you read? - Reader inserts/OC mainly involving spn angels (michael and cas are my favourites!)

Genres you read? - Romance, friends/enemies to lovers, angst with a resolution, all things fluffy! Will read smut as part of a longer romantic narrative, but not for the sake of it.

What do you like to write? - Reader-inserts/OC, introspectives and character studies

Masterlist!

@jinkieswouldyoulookatthis -

Other SM names? - Discord: jackiefour, AO3: jinkieswouldyoulookatthis

OTP? - Wincest (Sam/Dean)

Looking for in the Pond? - Just looking to strengthen ties with the general fandom community and it's always nice to have other writers/readers to talk with.

Pairings you read? - SamDean in all its variations, either of the brothers/reader together or separate is good too.

Genres you read? - Angst, smut, crackfics are my preferred, although some fluff is nice and appreciated too. The trope doesn't matter as much to me as the overall quality of the writing.

Favorite writer(s)? - Gah, too many amazing writers to narrow it down to a favorite, but @applecrumbledore, @dyed-red, leonidaslion, candle_beck, deadlybride immediately spring to mind.

What do you like to write? - Currently been writing wincest (SamDean) but I used to write reader inserts for both of the boys.

Masterlist!

Most underappreciated fic? - Probably this one because it's a body swap/gender bend with low key non-con elements to it (so I get why it doesn't get as much love as some of the others): Make A Wish

Something you haven't written but would like to try? Why not? How can we help? -I am currently working on my first long fic, just getting going on it and am a little intimidated by the scope, but I don't deal with deadlines or anything like that well, so I'm hoping that just being around other people writing and talking about writing will help keep me motivated to finish it. Basically, I'm just looking for passive motivation and community.

@i-already-know-im-going-2-hell / @aceing-on-the-cake -

Other SM names? - AO3: i_already_know_im_going_to_hell

OTP? - Honestly I think Wincestiel can't be beat when it's done well, best of both worlds

Other fandoms? - I enjoy a lot of fandoms but to be honest I'm really only making content (writing and drawing) for supernatural.

Looking for in the Pond? - Honestly I'm just looking to hang around, meet fellow writers and artists, and pick up tips and tricks along the way. I find I'm motivated so much more when I have others around me who are just as into the things I'm into.

Something to signal boost? - Honestly the only thing I'm currently working on bigger project wise is a supernatural au I'm doing a lot of drawings for. This is the original post --Guineanatural-- and it has all the links in it towards currently running polls or completed artworks.

Pairings you read? - I'm a multishipper, I will read almost any pairing that's not parent/child honestly.

Genres you read? - Angst and Hurt/Comfort are my jam. Smut, fluff and crack are great if they're included, but I'm truly there for pain of angst and then the comfort that comes after.

Favorite writer(s)? - @applecrumbledore on AO3, is the author of one of my all-time favorite Dean/Sam fics I've ever read, Acid

What do you like to write? - Angst/Comfort with a whole lot of character analysis thrown in

Something you haven't written but would like to try? Why not? How can we help? - Unfortunately, my bane in life is to house more fic ideas in my head than I actually ever have a reasonable amount of time to write and to have crippling adhd caused executive dysfunction, which can truly only be fixed by Earth changing to a day cycle longer than 24 hours and absolutely using body doubles in any form I can take those. The first problem truly can't be fixed by mortal men unfortunately, but for the second honestly me just hanging around with other writers or seeing other writers work on things too helps to work as a body double for my brain a lot of the time. So honestly, just hanging in the server itself and following the tumblr should be plenty of help.

That's all for this month, folks! (If we're missing anyone, let us know and we'll add them to next month's list!) Make sure to say hi to the newbies and make them feel welcome! Thanks to all from @manawhaat, @mrswhozeewhatsis, @mariekoukie6661, @thoughtslikeaminefield, and @heavenssexiestangel!

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railingsofsorrow · 2 months

Text

you're my peace of mind

[regulus black x james potter]

summary: inspired by this post. or... in which james is anxious and regulus attempts to ground him with his touch.

pairing: j.potter x r.black (slightly friends to lovers, but this does not focus on romance)

w.c: 2.4K

warnings/content: discussion regarding anxiety + anxiety symptoms; anxiety medication; hurt/comfort.

A/N: hi I've been gone for a while but this idea helped me get back to writing. the way james is experiencing anxiety here is based on a personal experience, this is not how everyone who has anxiety reacts, people have different experiences. keep that in mind. anyway, enjoy this little oneshot :)

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Regulus is trying to pay attention to what the professor is explaining. He has been trying that for the past fifteen minutes. She's annotating something on the board, something important, probably. It will definitely be on her final exam. But he's too busy concentrating on the non-stop bouncing of James Potter's leg beside him to focus on the lecture, unfortunately.

Regulus is used to James's persona. He's restless. That is the exact adjective he uses to describe James whenever he has to. James is always doing something or looking for something to do. He can't stay still. Unless he's sleeping, then he doesn't move at all. Regulus doesn't understand how he can be so different in these two states but he stopped trying to understand James for a while now.

His mannerisms don't bother him to a great level anymore. They used to, sure. When he was eleven and the boy by his side stole all his older brother's attention to him. But thank god for communication and therapy because Sirius and him have quite a good relationship now. Healthy, you could say even. Perhaps due to their parents not being in the picture any longer.

Regulus warmed up to James. Well, he had to learn how to deal with him somehow because the prick couldn't stop following him around university after finding out he was also studying there and look at that! We share some classes together! Isn't that great, Reg?

No, it was, in fact, not great.

Until, well, Regulus warmed up to James.

It happened gradually. Nothing forced. Nothing fast. But at the right time. They became friends. Friends who occasionally sleep next to each other in bed. Friends who stare more than they should at each other. But, you know, friends.

Regulus enjoys James company. And it comes to a point where he recognises his walking through his apartment when he comes over unannounced. He has a spare key and he uses it whenever he feels like it. Regulus told him that wasn't a reason to use a spare key, James shrugged him off.

He knows James. He knows the way he blinks repeatedly when he's sleepy and the way he hates wearing shoes when he's home so he just walks around with the most ugly looking colourful socks ever.

He knows the bouncing of his leg when he's bothered by something. It's different when he's anxious. Even after several years of entering a common agreement that they are friends and that they can share anything with each other — James told him that himself in a particularly bad day of self isolation for Regulus. — James insists on hiding his hardships from Regulus. Or from anybody else, really. It's harder to do that to Sirius, because it's like James and Sirius share a fucking limb and can understand what's going on through countries away.

Something or someone made his anxiety spike up today. Regulus doesn't know which of the options it is yet, he has a hunch but he is not certain. Not that it matters, he can tell him the reason later when they're alone. Or not. It really doesn't matter.

It's understandable that James Potter's love language is touch. He's clingy. He likes holding hands and hugs from behind and intertwining legs during a movie marathon. He likes touch. It's comforting for him. Which is why Regulus slips his hand beneath their desk, head tilted forward towards the professor so she wouldn't call their attention — if she cares. Which she doesn't — halting right before reaching James's bouncing knee to squeeze softly.

It doesn't take two seconds for the bouncing to stop.

He keeps his hand there, drawing invisible patterns against the fabric of his jeans as he writes down something he considers important with his unoccupied hand. He hears the screeching of the chair moving beside him and James' warmth is finally inserted into his personal space. Their elbows are bumping from how close they are now, but Regulus doesn't care because James sinks his head into his shoulder. His thick curls caressing and tickling the side of his neck.

“James,” Regulus hushed out more urgently this time. “Are you okay?” And is such a dumb question. He knows that, he knows it is stupid to ask that to someone who's currently anxious for a reason he doesn't know but it was what got out.

James takes a hot minute to answer. The professor is wildly gesticulating with her hand and his ears are ringing. He shuts his eyes for a moment, maybe it would stop. “'m fine.”

“You're a shitty liar.” Regulus says, raising his hand to touch the back of his arm, seeking for the part of his body that always reveals the truth to him. He receives the verdict upon touching his hand. Clammy. “Do you want to leave?”

“We have five minutes left.”

“I don't care.”

“It's not that bad.” James blinks fast, raising his head from Regulus' shoulder. He was almost dozing off with his perfume grounding him to peace. James doesn't need his meds when Regulus is close to him. He feels a hundred percent recharged already.

Regulus lets him think he bought the excuse. When class is over, the stern voice at his ear is so damn near his neck that James might pass out. Really, what is he trying to do, get him to fold right over? James was about to do that. He would do anything for Regulus. So he stayed sat down as every other student exited the room. The annoyingly white room, filled with annoyingly bright lights that made his head pound and pound and— He's so thirsty. He forgot his water bottle. He forgot a lot of things today. He can't forget things, he's disrupting his own routine like that and routines are good, they are controlled and he can control them. Fuck, what was he supposed to do this afternoon?

He's in his dorm before he can realise.

The first thing he notices is that it is silent. His dorm is never silent, not with Sirius voice echoing off the walls whenever he's present, which is not the case now. James is guilty to admit he's happy, he loves his best friend to the moon and back but he needs silence now.

James calculates for how long he will get silence by Regulus' antsy movements around the room. What's he doing?

“Where are your pills, James?”

And that's when James’ whole body freezes. Oh. So maybe when Regulus told him that one time he knows him it is because he really knows him.

James is a smart boy, you see. He's organized — according to Regulus he's bit of a mess with organisation but to him, he is organised, okay! — he's good at sports and he likes exercising. He's athletic. He can't stay still. Why should he? If he has so much to do. What he does not like is having to stop doing the things he enjoys because his body is forcing him to rest. He doesn't want to rest. He doesn't want to stop thinking because how could he? He has so much to do and he doesn't have enough time! He needs things to be ready beforehand. James is good with deadlines. He never once delivered an assignment after it was supposed to do. James is never late, he's always on time. He's responsible. The thing is: he can't do all of this when he's taking a medication that makes him feel slow and numb. No. James is fast and full of energy and he's never late. But he can't control things when he's taking those pills so he doesn't want to take them anymore. He gets to decide that, right? He's an adult. Twenty-two years old, in college, living with his best friend, completely head over heels for his best friend's little brother... James is all grown up now, he gets to make his own decisions.

He misses his mum. He wished she could make his decisions sometimes, she has always been good with that. God, he misses everything. His old personality. His parents. His high school days. He misses being a kid and not having to deal with half the shit his head puts him through nowadays. He figures he doesn't like himself as he used to.

“Did you toss them into the toilet again?”

James moves his arm from his face, eyes fluttering slowly as his blurry vision adjusted enough to see the black haired figure open and close his drawers in a hastily manner.

“Don't need them.” James whispered stubbornly. “Come here, Reg. Cuddle me.”

“I will when you tell me where they are.” Suddenly, he halted in the middle of the room, slowly turning towards James on the bed. “James, did you run out?”

“Those stupid pills don't keep me from having anxiety attacks, you know that, right?” James sighs. “They're not useful at all.”

“They help you so they are useful.”

“I don't feel better with them.”

“Yes, you do.” Regulus fights back, shaking his head. “Have you been sleeping well? Have you been focusing? And don't lie, I know the answer to all of these questions.”

James shifts, running a hand through his face. He picks up his glasses that are on the bedside table and puts it on. Regulus is sitting at the edge of the bed, a few of his curls dangling on his forehead, barely touching his lashes. He likes that his strands have grown longer, he looks incredibly.... Ah. James can't do that.

“They're in the box inside my wardrobe.” He relents, watching Regulus immediately seek the hidden spot. James places his arm beneath his head, supporting it. He's not dizzy anymore, maybe it's the room with less people and less bright lights. That must have helped.

Regulus walks back to bed, the little prescription bottle between his fingers. The bed moves as he sits down again and James pointedly avoids looking at the vial.

“Withdraw is worse.”

James hums softly, pulling one of the boy's hands to him, holding it to his chest. Regulus lets him, but his serious look makes the situation slightly uncomfortable.

“James.”

“m' sorry.” James bit the inside of his cheek, big brown eyes drowning in grey ones. “I just don't like them.” He admits quietly. He feels weak. A coward. He shouldn't have to need those.

“I don't like mine either.” Regulus is surprised every time he catches himself spitting out some deep dark secret he swore he'd never say out loud. But it's James. And James would never use it against him, not like his parents did. James is kind and one of the strongest people he has met. He hates seeing him like this, thinking he can take on everything on his own. You don't have to. I'm right here. “But I'd rather take them than feel like that again.”

James wished he didn't know what like that meant, but he's seen it with his own eyes and it terrifies him a bit to know what it was like for Regulus before he actually started to take care of himself, before he decided that it was worth it to get help.

“I'm sorry,” James mumbles under his breath, feeling guilt gripping his heartstrings at the thought of his actions triggering Reg in some way. He didn't want that, that was never the intention.

“James.”

Regulus sits down beside him, the bottle of pills left aside so he could slip both of his hands into his, bringing him closer. James moved towards him as if being pulled by some magnetic force; he did always craved for Regulus' warmth.

“There is nothing wrong with you. Taking medication is not a sign of weakness, it just helps you to ground yourself. It helps with the symptoms that can be unbearable sometimes. Like it got today.” James observes the way Regulus caress his knuckles gently. He gets distracted by his voice and he feels like drifting off just at being close to him. Regulus. Why would he need any anxiety medication when he has Regulus? “James.” His attention is brought back by his angelic voice and his grey-blue eyes.

“Hi.”

Regulus smiles and James feels like he died and came back to life again. He's in heaven and he doesn't believe in hell when there's an angel right in front of him, proving him that peace exists.

“There's nothing wrong with you.” Regulus says it as a promise, hand lifting to touch James's cheeks, traveling his permanently cold fingers across the skin. James tilts his head and his lids drop. He leans forward and Regulus brings him in by a nudge at the back of his neck, James's nose burying in his shoulder. “Did you hear me?”

James hums, his curls tickling Regulus' neck as he manages to nod in agreement.

“Now say it while meaning it.”

James huffs out a laugh in surprise, which drags a grin out of Regulus. “What?” The dazed tanned boy asks, big brown eyes studying Regulus's features curiously.

“Say that there is nothing wrong with you.”

James blinks slowly, “I— Well. There is always something wrong with everyone, isn't there?”

Regulus quirks up a brow and James immediately clips his mouth shut.

“Fine. There is nothing wrong with me, Reg.” James rolls his eyes, lower lip jutting out in dismay.

Regulus seems satisfied. “That's good enough for now. I'll make sure you actually mean it someday.” He stands up and James misses his body as a dehydrated man misses water in a desert.

“Where are you going?”

Regulus closes the wardrobe door then walks towards the bedside table, placing the orange bottle right above one of the books Regulus had recommended to James recently — this one is a collection of poems, he wonders if he's enjoying it.

“We are going out,” Regulus says, turning around to face James, whose body is being supported by his elbows on the bed. He decides he can convince him to start the medication again tomorrow. Today, he would help him take the edge off.

James makes one of the expressions that Regulus relates to a puppy, completely endearing and Regulus can't help but smile. “C'mon, Potter. Get your butt up. And grab a jacket, it's chilly out there.”

“I never get cold.” James comments, jumping out of the comfort of his bed to follow Regulus wherever he wants him to. He grabs his jeans jacket on his way out. “But if I do, you can just—”

“James. Shut up.”

“— warm me up.” James offers him a cheeky grin to which Regulus' reaction was to slap his shoulder. James is still able to see the red flush on his cheeks as they walk out of the dorm room and he likes it.

#jegulus fanfiction #james potter x regulus black #jegulus #jegulus headcanon #jegulus oneshot #jegulus blurb

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misterewrites · 1 year

Text

Hope’s Meadow (Inc) *Mirror’s Edge*

I LIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE! hiya everyone E here! still kicking and alive.

So this chapter is exceedingly late. I got busy during December and honestly a lot of people who i don't normally see came by to visit and such. I did write actually but those were personal gifts to my friends involving their own ocs and worlds and all that jazz and I didn't feel right posting them because they're not mine. So yeah i was writing i promise I just can't share them. But I'm here now.

I get it. It's a lot right now and I want you to know it's okay. It'll be okay. Even if it doesn't feel that way. Just take it a step at a time, have fun when you can and enjoy the little things. Step away and lose yourself in a story. Doesn't have to be mine but I would appreciate it. haha be safe, take care of yourself and your loved ones. Wear a mask. I know. I know but it's still a thing and we still need to take care of each other. Get vaccinated if you can. Push for it worldwide cuz we're all in this together (feel free to sing this bit) and hey, I'm proud of you. We made it this far! let's see how far we can go. Happy New Year 2023! :)

That's it for me! Be safe, have a great week. I am gonna try to update this within a week, two weeks and be more consistent on that. If you are enjoying this, thank you for your time. feel free to recommend this to anyone, leave a comment, reblog. I love it all! E is out, see you soon!

If you need an update what happened last time on Mirror’s Edge, here’s the last chapter ---> https://archiveofourown.org/works/30599756/chapters/106456251

Here’s the current chapter on a much more reader friendly site riiiiiight here! ---> https://archiveofourown.org/works/30599756/chapters/111360014

If you’re curious what all this is about here’s the story from the beginning https://archiveofourown.org/works/30599756/chapters/75486005

And if you’re in the mood for more familiar pieces of media, I got a whole a03 with legend of zelda, Arcane, Soul Eater, A Percy Jackson AU. You can find all that https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrE42/pseuds/MrE42

And for those of us departing here, have a great day!

Summary: It's time to get to work and Casey is eager to get on the trail. First stop, after breakfast of course, is to visit the local cemetery and hopefully get the information out of some spirits. In the meantime a few more lessons about the other side wouldn't hurt especially if Casey wants to survive.

-----

“So.” Casey asked eagerly as he placed their order on the table before them “Verdict?”

Yorrick shot the young man working the cash register a disinterested glance before hungrily picking up her breakfast bagel “My-something was way cuter.”

Turns out Casey was both right and wrong: This trendy fast food coffee shop HAD once upon a time been a sandwich shop. Evidently it was recently bought by A Taste Of Faire, some sort of medieval themed coffee...thing. Honestly Casey wasn’t sure what to make of it and he was too hungry to care.

Casey took his own breakfast in hand“Hope’s Meadow is around corner. We’ll finish up and head over.”

Yorrick was too enraptured by her meal to give any meaningful answer beyond a nod.

Casey chuckled before taking a bite himself.

The two ate in a surprisingly comfortable silence, a quiet that was both peaceful and oddly relaxing.

“I have a question.” Casey finally spoke after a few minutes of consuming his burrito “Do all you-know-whats look like bed sheets?”

Yorrick titled her head sideways “Youknowwhats? What’s that?”

Casey’s gaze shifted to Kal. The ghostly companion floated openly in public, his translucent form bobbing up and down in the sun.

“Umm….” He gestured with his eyes.

“The window?” Yorrick turned her head, unsure what she was looking at.

“N-no. Umm….your friend.” Casey patiently clarified.

Yorrick stared blankly at him

Casey pursued his lips, unsure how to further ask Yorrick about her ghostly friend.

“Oh!” Realization struck as Yorrick’s ghostly greens went wide “You mean Kal?” she motioned to him with her thumb.

Casey could feel his ears burn as he felt the pointedly stares of the other customers at Yorrick’s outburst.

Yorrick remained oblivious “I wouldn’t know I’ve always been able to see them as they were. They look like people to me. I guess it’s the closest concept your brain can perceive their form to be.”

Casey bristled at the idea “Wait but I know about death. I experienced it when my grandma died. I’m pretty sure I would know what a ghost looks.”

“I blame all those cartoons. Bed sheets are simpler to draw. Easier to remember.”

“But I’ve been to funerals.” Casey frowned “I’ve mourned, I’ve grieved. How can I not see ghosts?”

Yorrick chewed her food slowly “Well yeah but have you talked about death? Really come to terms with what it means to die?”

An uncomfortable tingle ran down Casey’s spine as the idea began to swirl in his thoughts. Fear and uneasy prickled at him and he struggled to keep his face indifferent.

“See?” Yorrick pointed with her half-eaten sandwich “You haven’t accepted it.”

“I….”

Yorrick interrupted “I get it. It’s not a very fun thing to talk about. The mere mention of death kills any conversation.”

There was a pause before her lips broke into a smile.

“Haha death kills any conversation.”

And with that the Gravekeeper of Souls descended into a fit of giggles.

Casey opened his mouth to speak but no words came out. There was a strange mixture of embarrassment and shame burning in him. He was sure she didn’t mean it like that but he felt somehow she was making fun of him, laughing at a joke only she understood.

“Oh that was so lame.” she wiped a tear from her eye.

“Yorrick…”

She stopped and eyed Casey carefully.

“Oh I’m sorry.” Yorrick sheepishly smiled “I didn’t mean to make you so uncomfortable. It was a funny joke! To me at least.”

Casey gave a strained smile “Oh it was. I was just wondering.”

“About?”

“What you said before the joke.”

“What I said.” She tapped her chin thoughtfully “What I said. Before the. Oh! About your inability to see ghosts and how that ties in with your lack of acceptance about dying.”

Conspiratorial whispers from the customers but Casey did his best to ignore it.

Yorrick straightened up “It’s a normal thing. Nothing to be ashamed of.”

“I’m not.” Casey began but Yorrick clicked her tongue in disagreement.

“I am not making fun of you. It’s perfectly natural for you, me, anyone not to want their story to end. The unknown is the scariest fear in all existence and what’s scarier than the great unknown that awaits us all after we leave our mortal coils?”

Yorrick gave a reassuring smile “It’s okay not want to talk about the end. But that’s what I mean. I could see how awkward it made you feel, the uncomfortable thoughts that came just mentioning the word.”

Casey shifted in embarrassment.

“And I don’t think less of you for it.” Yorrick patted his shoulder “Because we’re all fighting for every extra second. And we should! Fight death tooth and nail. But with acceptance comes perception. Because spirits are entwined closely and tightly tied with death. You cannot remove one from the other.”

“So.” Casey began to realize what she meant “Because I don’t want to talk or think about it, my brain shuts out anything tied to it and that’s why I can’t see ghosts? Is that right?”

Yorrick gave a quick nod “Bueno! Estrella de oro para ti!”

“Umm excuse me?”

“Estrella.” Yorrick repeated, snapping her fingers in hopes of remembering the word “Estrella. You know. Es-tre-lla….Es-tre. Star! Gold star for you!”

“Oh okay.” Casey chuckled “I didn’t realize you knew Spanish though I’m guessing you know a lot of languages given how much you travel huh?”

Yorrick grinned proudly “Another gold star! Ghosts tend to stay stuck in their ways so to speak. And physically really. While they are capable of learning and adapting to their current…existence and settings, most just don’t and thus I need to learn how to communicate with them. Which means learning as many languages as I can.”

Casey nodded approvingly “That’s cool. Are you ready?"

Yorrick gave a salute, rising to full height with walking stick in one hand and the chain holding her tombstone in the other.

-----

Hope’s Meadow (Inc.) was the newest of the cemeteries that were inside the city proper and the only one to be blessed by a good-aligned cleric. Widow’s Weep up north was blessed by a cleric who followed the goddess of murder and Sunset Plains was covered by a cleric of chance. Casey wasn’t really sure who blessed Hope’s Meadow but he had a sneaking suspicion it was Doctor Carmichael.

Divinity and divine magic were interchangeable between the terms divine and holy. It had less to do with alignment or morals and more tapping into the positive or negative force of the gods. Every single paladin and cleric of any god could call upon the power and magic of their deity and have it considered divine. Casey was just as capable as any evil aligned cleric of drawing upon negative energy to harm others as a cleric of death was to draw up positive energy to heal or help others.

Honestly the only difference between the various paladins and clerics is the tenets of their god, a guideline to further their deities influence and power in this plane of reality. As a cleric of the Hearth, Casey believed in tending to the home, protecting others and caring for them as if they were family. There were many ways to act in the gods will but it was still a pretty rigid path. A goddess of murder tended to want murder done in her name, whether innocent or guilt-ridden blood did not matter to her. Casey’s god believed in devoting one’s self to others.

There were many benefits of course especially the free spellcasting. Clerics and Paladins didn’t know magic, not really. Instead their god of choice would guide their hand, providing them with the proper gestures and words to speak their magic into the world. No shortcuting powerful spells though. One still needed magical muscle to perform the higher levels of magic and the only way to build it up was to cast, cast, cast.

Blessing cemeteries was much about safety as it was a civic duty. Hallowed, blessed grounds prevent fae from entering and turning the place into their own personal playground. Shockingly, fae were pretty irreverent about everything.

It also prevented necromancers from raising an army of skeletons and zombies, a favorite pastime of theirs.

Most importantly, however, was the preservation of souls. Spirits were very valuable in all forms but especially in many dark spells. Blessing the ground not only prevents unsavory forces and creatures from wandering in but also offered a safe haven for any wayward spiritual beings. Even evil gods and goddesses agree that it would not be good for anyone if spirits were used to fuel terrible, dangerous unnatural magic.

It was still early so very few people were out and about here. Casey wasn’t exactly sure what Yorrick was up to but he figured it was better that less prying eyes were around to see it. Finn warned him the Council still hadn’t figured out what exactly the Veil blanketed or what it did not.

Yorrick stood in the middle of the walkway, her gaze fixated seemingly on some far horizon only she could see. She took a deep breath in before tapping her finger once against the top of her rusty lantern.

There wasn’t a muted thud like Casey was expecting but rather a single chime of a bell, a beautiful sound that vibrated the air itself with an ancient power. He could feel it wash over him, sending a chill down his spine and making his hairs stand on end.

The chime faded slowly but its effect was noticeable: The air was still but cold with a thick tension that had not been there a moment before. Hushed, hurried whispers echoed all around him while a fog rolled in from nowhere. A deep instinctive fear uncoiled itself in the pit of his stomach and the sudden urge to run far away from this place began to claw at his resolve.

Yorrick was unaffected. In fact she leaned closer, head tilted to one side as if listening to someone. She nodded a few times before murmuring something in return to the whispers.

It could’ve been his imagination but for a brief moment it sounded like the fog let out a sigh of relief and thinned ever so slightly.

------

It went on like this for an hour: Yorrick listened to the whispering of the invisible force and would speak in return. Sometimes it was a quick conversation, a few words back and forth. Other times it felt more like a heated debate as Yorrick spoke with a firm edge as if scolding to a fuming child. Once Yorrick only muttered a single word and a harsh breeze would pick up out of nowhere and vanished just as quickly.

Whatever Yorrick was doing did not consistently affect the mysterious fog that surrounded them. Mostly after each discussion (or scolding) the mist dissipated a bit. A few times, to him at least, it looked like nothing had changed.

“Yorrick?” Casey gently nudged her shoulder to get her attention.

Yorrick whirled around, clearly surprised “Oh Casey! Hi there. Sorry I didn’t really explain all” she gestured to thin air “This. I’m not used to people actually coming with me to work. Or watching me work. Or staying to watch me work.”

“That’s okay.” Casey reassured her gently “I take it you’re helping spirits move on?”

“Or updating them on the current year, events.” Yorrick added in “Or offering to pass along messages to their living loved ones.”

“The one with the breeze?”

Yorrick’s face turned deadly serious “Troublemaker. Well not anymore. Did you want to go do something else? I might be a while. Major city’s cemetery tends to have a large spiritual population and I don’t want you to sit around bored out of your mind.”

“Actually as I am a cleric I was thinking I could help you with all this. It is one of my duties though admittedly.” he looked around, unsure where to look “It is a little lacking and I might have trouble helping what I can’t see.”

“Don’t worry Casey I gotcha!”

Yorrick reached into her pocket, pulling a matchbox out. She struck the matchstick against the rough grooves of the box and lit the lantern. Orange flame burned a ghostly green within the lantern and crackled with a warm heat.

The light from the lantern washed over the fog and what was once cold frigid air became people. Different people and races surrounded them in a loose circle. Some floated midair lazily. Others had their feet planted firmly on the ground as they did when they breathed. Some were chasing each other in play, waiting impatiently for their turn. Translucent, pale spirits of various ages and walks of life. Normal people no different than anyone else Casey passed by every day.

Well except the giant knight that towered over everyone.

Casey knew his eyes went wide in shock and his mouth was agape though it was hard to blame him. This spirit wasn’t like the others: It was much more solid. While the others wore differing articles of clothing from across the ages, this spirit donned full armor, a sleek white shade that gleamed as bright as the sun. It was easily 8 feet tall with a shield half its size at the ready. Firmly planted in the grass was the hilt of an impossibly massive sword that Casey couldn’t ever hope to even budge. Two pure white wings held the spirit aloft The symbol of a scale emblazoned on its chest told Casey that Doctor Carmichael did not bless this place.

“Cleric of Justice.” Casey mumbled in awe “Okay. Eden maybe?”

Yorrick carefully pushed his shoulder “System shock buddy?”

“Yeah. The spirits I was expecting but.” He pointed to the massive armored spirit “Should’ve expected an angel and an archangel no less.”

“The gods do not mess when it comes to the spiritual world.” Yorrick stated matter of fact.

Casey took a deep breath in “Well we’re still alive. That’s good. C-can I get to work?”

Yorrick said nothing. Instead she gestured to the still shell shocked cleric and proceeded to speak with the next spirit in line.

A young man floated up to Casey and waited patiently. Upon realizing this, Casey shook focused on the task at hand.

“Y-yes?” Casey asked shakily, trying to ignore the massive archangel hovering overhead “How can I help you?”

"Hola senor! Mi nombre es…”

“Yorrrrrick! A little help!”

-----

One “English only” sign and a few hours later, Casey felt accomplished despite the fact he was unsure either of them had gotten any information about the crisis at hand.

He listened to the spirits, their questions and concerns. Their hopes and fears. Regrets and dreams long since passed. He offered comfort to them and prayed to the Hearth for them. Even cast the odd simple spell from time to time, a small blessing. He wasn’t very good at it if he was being honest but the spirits at the very least seemed to appreciate his efforts.

Some vanished just as they had done with Yorrick. The Gravekeeper explained that these spirits had chosen to move on with the next stage of their existence but could return if called. Some stayed, relived at Casey’s words but only floating off to wander the cemetery. Yorrick told him these spirits usually still had some sort of business left here, often waiting for their loved ones so they could move on together though some just liked Earth too much to leave. Still, informing them of current events was a good way to keep them calm and not lashing out in confusion.

He didn’t get any troublemakers thankfully though it seemed Yorrick did. She was ontop of it though, banishing the spirits with a single word before moving onto the next waiting in the wings. During their break Yorrick informed him that she simply forced them to move on. Unlike choosing to move on, however, it wasn’t permanent and they could easily return though it was difficult for any spirit. She did mention she could’ve made it a permanent eviction with the proper spells and rituals but these were normal people’s spirits and those extreme measures were saved for extreme cases.

Casey was curious on how exactly spirits were called back to this reality but luckily a family had saved Yorrick from explaining it.

It was a mother and her adult son visiting their father and husband. They brought him flowers and spent a few minutes cleaning his plaque. Casey wasn’t sure when he appeared but he did: an older fellow, translucent and ghostly like the others. They spoke of news and changes in their life with tears and grief in their eyes and while they couldn’t see him, he heard them. The old ghost cheered when told of good news and groaned at misfortune. He held them tight when the bad times came up and beamed with pride at their accomplishments. Perhaps some part of them could feel him because while they grieved, they felt more at peace. They hoped he was well and promised to visit soon. They left and so did the old ghost.

“Love.” Yorrick smiled softly at the family.

Casey smiled “Too powerful a force to be bound to a single memory.”

“He still sees them by the way.” Yorrick clarified “Watches over them from the other side. Most spirits don’t usually get enough strength to affect our lives but that one. Stubborn as a bull.”

“They still remember him at home.” Casey added in, piecing everything together “Their love keeps his memory alive.”

“And that allows him to watch over them. Even visit them there too.” Yorrick finished

Casey nodded in agreement but fell into silent contemplation.

There were still quite a few spirits wandering around but those were ones who had chosen to stay for the time being. It was nice and quiet, a peaceful calm filled the cemetery.

Casey decided to bite the bullet “Any leads on our end of the world event?”

Yorrick remained silent, her eyes searching for someone in particular but not finding them.

Casey was about to ask who she was looking for when he found a curious pair of eyes staring directly at him.

It was the spirit of a young boy, 6 maybe 8 years of age. It was hard to tell. There markings around his eyes and chin, messy lines and uneven patterns of tribal tattoos like the child had attempted to emulate some warrior’s markings. He had round chubby cheeks, seemingly never getting rid of his baby fat. He had a mess of black curly hair and he was an average frame for a boy his age. His bare arms had more messy tattoos running down them.

“Yorrick.” he nudged the distracted Gravekeeper “I think we got one more customer.”

Yorrick snapped her head in the direction Casey gestured, her eyes going wide with excitement as she bellowed at the top of her lungs “KAL!”

“Kal!?” Casey choked out, completely caught off guard by this revelation.

Kal did not move from his spot behind a headstone. He simply flickered out of existence and reappeared before them before Casey could even blink.

“How did he….?”

“Don’t let his appearance fool you Casey. He’s thousands of years old.”

Casey gulped upon realizing the implications of that statement.

Yorrick, completely obvious to Casey’s surprise, turned to her ghostly partner “Kal, what did you find out?”

Kal said nothing.

“The museum?” Yorrick tilted her head curiously “Are you sure?”

More silence.

Yorrick pursed her lips thoughtfully “Well that will be tricky but we’ve worked with worse!” She leapt to her feet, hoisting the tombstone onto her back with little effort “Come on Casey! We’re robbing museum!”

“That’s nice.” Casey groaned, struggling to resist the syrupy urge to sit back down “You know if Kal is thousands of years old, he must be insanely...wait. Did you say rob a museum?”

“Yep! Hurry up we’re burning daylight!”

And with a mad sprint, Yorrick waved goodbye to the spirits as she raced outside the cemetery gates.

Casey suddenly felt his legs turn to jelly.

“Sure. Just rob a museum. No pressure.” He mumbled to himself as he uneasily wobbled after Yorrick.

#Mirror's Edge #my Work #Original Work #original story

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winchester-reload · 2 years

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As sort of a follow up to the ask about artists trying to break the perfection mentality.

How do I, as a non-artistic person, most effectively encourage artists who see the flaws instead their amazing talent?

I have a fandom friend who is hella gifted. You've seen their work, know their name just by looking at it, and they create such gorgeous art. But they also are hypercritical of their work, and while I understand that (I feel the same way about stringing words together), I also just want to point at every single thing that makes their art so amazing to me and be like, "You did this thing that I can't do, and it's a such an extraordinary gift, and I can never thank you enough for sharing it. Have my non-existant first born as a sign of my devotion."

This friend has admitted they don't really want to create in this medium anymore, which I respect and won't push back on. I just wish they could *feel* how much their art touches me.

For other artists, though, how do I help? I know that positive feedback is always welcome, but sometimes I wonder if there's something else artists find useful when it comes to reactions.

(P.S. Rainbow Mohawk Cas is, and always will be, one of my favorite pieces of your artwork, and you could try to pry him from my cold, dead hands, but you'd fail.)

Okay, I’m gonna try to answer this but it’s gonna be difficult for me because, full disclosure, I’m getting through a huge art dip right now.

The reality is, this issue is as varied and complex as the artists you’re kinda asking me to group up and speak for here. So let me be clear, I can only speak for myself and my own experience with fanart, an online presence within a fandom, and how those two things impact creativity, motivation, and self-perception. But know at the same time that my experience is not going to be exactly like other peoples’.

First, as you noted, there are always going to be the obvious things people can do to help promote their favorite artists:

Reblog their posts

CREDIT THEIR WORK ELSEWHERE

Likes

Comment

Commission them

Don’t steal

Be respectful: refrain from criticism or personal biases on their posts <—Are you allowed to have your own opinion? YES! Do you need to barf it all over their comment section? No. If you don’t agree with something they made, go make your own art. Can’t make your own art? Then go supply positive support to artists who do create the things you enjoy. *Some of you may be surprised to learn that we do read comments, tags and reblogs. No matter how *big* or *small* you perceive us to be. So if you leave some shit in your tags, we’re probably gonna see it.

But now here comes the complicated part.

The thing about fanart creation is, it’s very much a labor of love. The time, effort, and mental energy required to make, post, and manage the feedback may often outweigh any external benefits of making the art (income, accolades, fandom celebration, etc). So there'll always come a point when artists hit a wall and need to draw on their own self-motivation. This happens over and over again, not once or twice. It’s kind of like a wave that ebbs and flows with the mood of the fandom. And with Supernatural specifically, you can imagine that wave is a little more like a typhoon: sunny beach moment one day, drowning in inescapable toxicity the next. So it doesn’t surprise me to hear you have a fandom friend who might be done creating in this subject. Does it make me sad though? Yes, incredibly. We’ve had a myriad of talented artists throughout the years that’ve since moved on and I mourn every one of them. But I also support their decision to do so. If the current subject is no longer a source of inspiration, it becomes impossible to create for it.

I do hope your friend is still creating though.

However, since you mentioned hyper-criticality, I’m afraid they might not be. The thing is, I don’t have a solution for ridding yourself of hyper-criticism as an artist. It may sometimes appear as though I do because I have a lot of art out, but that’s just an illusion. The reality is, I don’t like most of my art. And, like your friend, I’m often hyper-critical of it. The difference is, I post it anyway because I decided I don’t need to like it. I just have to make it. And if I make it enough, I build the skills I need to, every once-in-a while, accomplish something I do like. And everything in between those pieces are just stepping stones. Which is why I always finish a piece of art and tell myself “it is what it is, on to the next.” That kind of thinking has helped me move past what might otherwise be a immovable obstacle.

So, if I have any advice for your friend, it’s that. You don’t have to like your art. You just have to make it, and keep moving forward.

This is where audience interaction becomes so incredibly important. Artists always get caught up in their own head about what they’re making, but the positive feedback can help us see it through your eyes. And it isn’t everything, because tbh we’re always getting our feet caught on mental hurdles and faceplanting in our own puddles of self-loathing, but audience support can get us up again, refill our wells of motivation, and help reaffirm our goals.

I mean, I can honestly say I would not be here without the support I get. But it’s even difficult for me at times, and I’m fully aware that I benefit from much more support than many other skilled artists do.

So, @eyesofatragedy67, all of this is to say I do believe your friend knows how much their art means to you, just as I know how much my art means to other people--even the pieces I don’t like. It’s just that sometimes it’s hard to get out of our heads about it. Ultimately, it’s something we have to overcome ourselves, but that impossible task is made infinitely easier with a kind, supportive audience base. So, you keep doing what you’re doing, and I’m gonna send a little nod to your artist friend: I miss you already, but I can’t wait to see where you find your new source of inspiration.

#asks #art asks #wonderful people

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janiedean · 1 year

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How are you Lavi? I was wondering, have you have shared your opinion about the end of Supernatural? I would especially love to hear your thoughts about Destiel and that love confession.

hey! I'm... extremely tired because a lot of stuff is going on that I will partially share on main about soon but has been sapping my energies a lot (i'm OOOLD) but it could be worse, thank you <3

also, wrt spn: I think I did say it in scattered posts but if you want the condensed version:

I had quit spn like early s12 at the hitler episode then I finished it after the ending because I figured I owed it to them after watching the finale live as it aired so... it was something but going in order

I actually greatly enjoyed s12-15 up to the end and I was pleasurably surprised - like okay it was the usual crazy shit half of the time and it def had gone on too long but 12-15 were eons better than the slug that was 9-11 and I had a lot of genuine fun when watching them and like they actually look/are extremely coherent for spn standards so I mostly have positive stuff on the topic like the apocalypse universe was cool, the ketch redemption arc was cool, tombstone and the tarantino episode were a masterpiece (and the 80s rock episode too sdlgkjd same as the scooby doo crossover) and I loved chuck as the villain and how meta that was

concerning deancas and the love confession: I mean as the resident idiot who had written her first deancas fic after 4x03 aired I always thought that they didn't know what they had been doing until like s5 when they realized what they were doing (sorry no one convinces that 5x03 wasn't written by someone who didn't have the deancas agenda in mind in spades) but like I generally thought that if it went somewhere it was gonna end with sam retiring and being a man of letters or smth like that and deancas going off to fight monsters in a way where you could frame it as THEY ARE BEST FRIENDS™ in places where them being gay would be frowned upon

I also thought that if anything happened whether like... either canonization or adjacent-canonization it was gonna be the last five minutes of the series finale because otherwise some parts of fandom wouldn't have let anyone involved with that show live which is why I was pleasurably shocked the confession was in ep 18 and not 20

now: I think the network authorized it and then chickened out when covid hit because the way the entire thing is structured... like sorry but this story starts with cas rescuing dean from hell, in 18 cas ends up in the empty from which he can obviously be rescued, in 19 every single plotline gets wrapped except that one in an episode that can work as a finale-finale if you leave it at that and I'm supposed to think that the og plan for ep 20 didn't include a reverse thing where dean got him out and they made out? sorry at this point bite me I'mma put my money on that esp given that...

... episode 20 is the most useless finale i've ever seen in the sense that literally nothing happens in it, the show itself had fillers where more shit happened like honestly I've never seen 40 minutes of a show that were more... a waste of time and resources and effort as that one, it looked like they told the writers they needed to have dean and sam be bros™ one of them had to die and they met in heaven again and they did that but just that X°D like sorry but the vampire porn diaries had the exact same finale template - one brother dies the other lives a happy normal life and they meet again in heaven -, s8 of tvd was vastly worsely written than spn s15 like i'm not even arguing that, but if you look at tvd finale actually shit happens in it and when you watch it it actually looks decent/wraps things up/makes you feel stuff, the spn finale is just stupid but I can't even be angry at it because imvho it's obvious they did it on purpose X°D but like tldr if the og plans hadn't been scrapped whatever they were they would have had an ep 20 where shit actually happened and that wasn't the drag it was, and like if it had come at the end of a badly written season (like tvd) I'd have just shrugged and whatever but... it came after an actually well-written season that was actually coherent with the previous four ones so I can't believe that was the real endgame content really XD

anyway: the confession was imvho absolutely ic and coherent with the entire thing starting from s4 because like sorry cas being in love with dean since then is just blatantly making sense, I never thought once it was baiting or teasing because only ppl who never watched the show would think the delivery was bad or that either misha or jensen were cringing while saying their lines, cas saying exactly the stuff he said made absolute sense in context, dean's reaction (as much as I'm sure they cut stuff) was absolutely sensed as well and no one tells me he didn't reciprocate bc the entire thing was built so that he'd admit it to himself at the very end and I mean anon my friend my comrade when I watched that episode I cried for twenty minutes straight after I finished it so X°D

like okay yeah part of it was the SEE WE WERE RIGHT ALL ALONG FUCK THE DENIERS but most of it was that I honestly was moved and I found that entire speech extremely heartfelt, meaningful and a whole lot of things I'm not sharing on main because I don't want people deciding stuff based on it but like I have zero negative things to say about that confession, I'm glad it happened and I don't regret catching up also because it happened as it really felt like the natural reaching point of cas's whole arc, I'm just sad that whatever the fuck went on with the cw they didn't let dean have a decent ending bc honestly what the fuck was that thing and they deserved to be happy without presuming they met offscreen in heaven or whatever the fuck but honestly all my issues with spn's ending are with the cw obviously getting cold feet concerning episode 20

tldr: the ending-ending sucked but up until 15x19 I thoroughly enjoyed most of what I saw nonsensical or not because at that point spn was the kinda thing you watched bc you liked it with all the faults it has, I 100% believe that the last episode sucked on purpose because I've never seen a finale done with so little effort after four seasons full of effort ever like not even penny dreadful whose finale imvho sucked on purpose sucked this much but like getting there was worth it and deancas being canon in itself was smth I never thought we'd get this explicitly and I'm very very very happy it happened, peace

#anonymous #ask post #supernatural for ts #otp: don't ever change #otp: i'd rather have you #otp: i love you #i mean... i don't even know how to say it #but i've been shipping dc since 2009 #seeing it become A Thing was... something #like really fucking SOMETHING #and again that confession was written in a way that resonated with me a lot #so personally i have nothing to say about it except if i ever meet berens #i'mma cry in front of him probably #i mean #if i ever have spn convention funds again and get to talk to misha it's gonna be extremely embarrassing but #he prob deserves to know he made me bawl so #destiel for ts #/o\

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duskys-mind-palace · 7 months

Text

Made this in the beginning of 2023 (this was harder than expected)

10/29/23

Dear Diary,

I’m tired of putting off my hobbies for whatever reason. Here’s to creating and sharing art without limitations.

I won’t share this blog with anyone I know IRL so that way I won’t feel embarrassed to post or anything. Ya know that’s one thing i hope to change for the coming year. Straight up not giving a fuck about what others think so I can live my life in peace.

And by that I mean a healthy lack of fucks not being given. Like how eventually I’m going to have to stand up to my parents. I would consider myself a person who values harmony and balance and the inevitable conflict makes me feel uncomfortable. I cannot fulfill all their expectations and simultaneously live authentically.

It’s one of those things I’ve been dealing with my whole life though. Sure I’ve gotten better at being more assertive with others in my life but doing that with my parents…. It’s like the final boss of fixing this flaw. I love them and I know they won’t be in this life forever. I guess I’m at an age where you really start to realize how short life is. I’m not *that* old tho haha

It’s just that my mom sent me a selfie and I saw wrinkles on her face that weren’t there before. I’m crying typing this but I really needed to get this off my chest. She has chronic Lyme disease and arthritis and other heath issues so…. Ahhh I just have to enjoy the time I have with her.

Ok happy stuff now. Im visiting everyone for Christmas break yay. Ok I know I said happy stuff but the thing I’m not admitting about going home is that I’m afraid of running into my ex even tho it’s highly unlikely. Im more likely to run into one of his parents…. Which would also be undesirable and gut wrenching. If I’m being honest I don’t want to be in the same place I shared a lot of memories with that part of my life.

It’s probably for the best that I confront my issues rather than run away from them. Haha reminds me of that meme “men will do anything but go to therapy”

I’m no man tho, clearly

Other than that, I truly am looking forward to seeing my friends and family.

I can’t wait to show you more art! I’m cookin something up with ms paint :3 I might take it over to Krita to add other details, we’ll see :D talk to ya real soon!

Sincerely,

#first comics #comic art #short comic #october 2023 #digital diary #dear diary #diary entry #my art #my diary #Spotify

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real-gifted-chaos · 2 years

Text

Bigger, Badder, & Bolder…

*Requested* Lol can it be were I’m best friends with Stiles but I secretly like him and once he turn into void he likes to tease and taunt me and I can’t help but find it really hot, so when I’m home alone trying to study more about the nogistine he pops up and starts teasing how flustered I am and how he knows I like this bad side and we both share a moment and kiss and it gets heated from there, are you comfortable writing smut? If so you can add it lol :) {A.N| Sorry It took too long. One of our birthdays is in February and the other is in March, so we're trying to take some time off to celebrate but we're trying to write and edit as much as we can. And reader's gender wasn't really clear so I hope you don't mind, we made the reader female. Sorry if it's a little trash, this is out first time writing a full smut. Here's post/update 1/3, enjoy} @gpiggy98 (Paring) Stiles Stilinski x Fem! Reader, Void Stiles x Fem! Reader (Catagory) Smut, Smut, Smut (Warning{s}) Language, Major Smut!!! Hair pulling. Unprotected Sex. Creampie, corny, and probably trash. Every character is 18 + and everything is legal. If you continue to read you are confirming that you are 18+. Enjoy

The night in Beacon was hot but your air conditioning blasting throughout your apartment outweighed it. You sat on your living room floor in between your dark royal blue leather couch and your glass coffee table. On the table in front of you sat a warm cup of coffee, your laptop, a few colorful pens, and your notebook filled with notes you had previously already written down. You were stressed and sleep-deprived but you were also determined. Determined to get this one thing done for a friend you really deeply cared about. You looked at the clock- 3:25 in the morning. If this didn't prove how in love with Stiles you were, then nothing would. You were debating wheater or not you wanted to call it a night or if you should continue, the decision making hard and putting you under more stress. Your warm hands ran down your face slowly trying to relieve the stress but to no avail. In the middle of trying to de-stress two quick knocks sounded at your door. God, who would be here at this ungodly hour? You removed yourself from your floor and made your way to your brown oak wooden door, opening it. You let out an annoyed sigh when you saw no one was there. You slammed the door shut, locking it once more before turning around to return to your seat, but when you turned you let out a yelp at the boy sitting on your couch. "Stiles! You nearly gave me a heart attack. What are you doing here so late?" "Sorry. Just came to check on you, Princess." It wasn't until your friend spoke that you realized this wasn't your friend. His voice was deeper than its usual, he had grown reddish purplish bags under his eyes, and his hair was messy. This was Void. "Void?" "Well, it definitely isn't the nerd. Would the nerd check in on you at this ungodly hour?" His taunting and teasing were clear but the question actually made you think, would he? "I don't know actually, but it's always nice to have company." You admitted as you went to seat next to him on the couch. You watched as his eyes traveled from your figure and towards the things on your table. He read over your highlighted notes and looked over your laptop screen. You could practically see the gears in his head turn as he continued to read. "Hey, don't read that." You hurriedly closed your laptop and your notebook and joined him back on the couch watching as he now turned his attention on you. Now you felt bad... "Don't worry, Princess, nothing I haven't already seen or heard." His statement was meant to be a joke, but you couldn't laugh. You felt really bad. "I'm sorry if that made you feel...bad." You apologized sincerely. At that, he laughed. Finding your apology both comforting and... cute. "Now I see why the nerd likes you." "Hey, he's not a nerd. And h-he likes me?" "Yeah. All he does is talk about you and think about you. Can't say I really blame him." What?! You felt stupid, all this time your friend who you've been crushing on for years had the same feelings for you and on top of that so did his Nogitsune- apparently. What were you supposed to do with that? You could feel your face starting to heat up, you could only imagine how you looked. "You like it when I act like this, huh? I can smell you, Princess. I can smell the arousal between your legs and I can sense it." He teased with a smirk swatching as your face grew redder almost the color of a tomato. Quick, say something smart back. "Oh my god, Why are you smelling me?" "Well, it's not much of a choice." You couldn't help the scoff that escaped your lips. Why did it seem like he was making fun of you? The atmosphere became quiet, the only noise being the tv in the background. There were no words you wanted to exchange with the nogitsune that you haven't already said before. Your eyes traveled towards the tv, watching the old black and white romantic sitcom that played in the middle of the night. Two couples sat on the couch, similar to you and Void, and argued about god knows what. From the corner of your eyes, you could see Void watching you like a hawk. His eyes watching your every move. Watching the way you

licked your lips every now and then, watching when you moved around to avoid the arousal being too much. He watched your every move. "Do I make you nervous, Babygirl?" "No, you don't." "I may be over a thousand years old but I'm not stupid." "Whatever." You dismissed as quickly as the conversation started. You couldn't deny the amount of wetness messing up your lace underwear from just hearing his voice. Everything about this man, both of these men, just did something to you. "Can I kiss you?" The question made your head turn drastically but your wetness only pooled more. You hesitantly nodded your head, yes, and that was all he needed to clash his lips against yours in a passionate kiss. Your back rested against the armrest of the couch and your arms wrapped around his neck, his around your waist pulling you closer to him as humanly possible. Your tongues fought for dominance but instantly he won. Slowly your hands made their way up his shirt, feeling his warm skin and his defined chest against your soft fingers. It was all going so well until he stopped your hands and broke the kiss. "What's wrong?" You asked panting trying to catch your breath as he just starred into your e/c eyes. "I'm dangerous." He sighed, almost sounding like he was trying to convince himself. Your hands caressed his face gently, though he tried to back away from you, you wouldn't let him. "No, you're not dangerous." "How can you say that when it is written in bold and highlighted in your notes? Everyone knows it. The nerd knows it, I know it...v you even know it." "Stop. Yes, you are dangerous, there is no doubt about that. But, who isn't? I almost murdered someone who messed with me and my friends, I didn't know what I was doing, I was out of control. Look, what I'm trying to say is, yes you are dangerous but there's more than just that side to you Void. Since you've met me, you have been nothing but kind and respectful." His bad-boy act was gone and replaced as his eyes began to water. He tried so hard not to cry in front of you, making him seem weak and so far it was working. You couldn't believe you had managed to break Void's wall down to the point he was venting to you in the middle of the night as he laid in between your legs. "I don't wanna hurt you?" "Void, if you wanted to hurt me you would've done it already. No doubt." You tried to convince. And it worked. After hearing your reassurance he placed his lips right back on yours and kissed you slowly. This kiss was different. It was still passionate but it was also filled with a lot of love. His hands travel down to the hem of your shirt, tugging slightly- asking for permission to take it off your body to which you responded with a head nod. Disconnecting your lips to take off both of your shirts and your bra, Void couldn't help but admire you. "God, you have no idea what you do to me-- He whispered seductively in your ear. He couldn't believe the situation he manage to get himself in. He let his lips trail down from your ear and onto your neck making sure to placemarks everywhere.-- Are you sure about this?" "Yes. I'm sure." Your words and the sound of your voice encouraged him to trail his lips down further until he was hovering over your exposed breast. Immediately, he started kneading one as he took the other in his mouth, sucking and lapping at it pulling a quiet moan from you. He did the same to the other side before gently pulling both your pajama shorts and underwear down fully exposing you. "Fuck. You're fucking beautiful." "Take a picture, it'll last longer." You teased at his staring. He smirked as he looked back into your eyes. "Are you offering me to take a picture of you, fully exposed for me? That's very naughty, princess. I think naughty girls deserve to be put in their place, don't you?" "Yes." Your words came out as a whisper when you felt his warm fingers start to draw circles on your clit. God, the power this man had over you was ridiculous. "Fuck, Princess, you're dripping." "Can you stop teasing?" "Now, that's no way to ask. Maybe if you asked

nicely-" "Please. Please, Void, touch me. Please..." "See? Wasn't so hard." He teased as he eased two digits at a slow pace. You gasped a moan, feeling his fingers inside of you knuckles deep. He loved the faces you were making for him, the sounds coming out of your mouth encouraging him to go faster and deeper. "Fuck, Void. I'm gonna cum." You moaned loudly, no longer caring if your neighbors woke up to the loud obnoxious moaning. Immediately, Void pulls his fingers from you, making you whine and his smirk. "No, don't whine. If you're gonna cum it's gonna be on our cock." His voice was morphed. It no longer only sounded like him. It sounded like Void and Stiles joined together making you feel this kind of pleasure and in some way, it turned you on more. In a rush, Void slid down both his pants and boxers and you watched his cock sprung free hitting his lower abdomen. You literally drooled at the sight. He fisted it, watching as it grew harder and the tip redder. Dipping down to capture your lips with him again, he rubbed his cock with your wetness creating just enough lube as he pushed in and bottom out inside of you- breaking the kiss to groan and look at your face. He noticed your discomfort but after assuring him that it was nothing to worry about, he calmed down more. After getting comfortable with the feeling, you told him to continue which he happily did. His pace started to slow matching the pace he kissed you with taking pleasure as he felt your moans through the kiss. "Please. You can go faster." "Sure thing, princess." In one swift movement he flipped you over so you were laying on your stomach with your back arched- and with no hesitation, he started to rail you from behind with a fist full of your hair. The only sounds heard throughout the apartment were the sound of skin slapping and your loud moans. "Fuck, princess. You're so wet." "Mhmm, all for you." You moaned again, feeling your climax near. Void/Stiles speed up his hips, going faster, deeper, rougher. Your climax had hit you so fast, you had no time to warn the boy behind you. He just felt you clench around his cock tightly as a flow of your liquid dripped from you. "Oh fuck, I'm 'bout to cum princess." "Mhmm cum in me, please." "Your wish is my command." *** After that night it was safe to say that the both of you, the three of you were never separated. That night also gave Stiles the confidence to finally ask you out, in which you had said yes.

#stiles x y/n #stiles stilinksi imagine #stiles x reader #stiles smut #stiles fanfiction #stiles stilinksi #void stiles #void stiles smut #teen wolf stiles #teenwolf

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aoitrinity · 4 years

Text

Why Do I Have to Feel Like a Fucking Conspiracy Theorist -- OR -- How I Find a Semblance of Peace on Sunday Night

I’m also going to start this out with a GIANT DISCLAIMER.

I am about to theorize about what may have happened to the SPN finale. I have absolutely no insider knowledge. I am merely speculating here based on the panels and a bunch of Twitter and Tumblr posts that I have been reading over the last few days. If you are not in a good place to read such things, TURN BACK PLEASE. Go take care of yourself and your mental health. You and your feelings are valid and deserve to be handled gently right now.

Additionally, if you are here to give me shit for being unhappy with the ending, please walk away as well. I am here to reach out and share my feelings with people who might be struggling to make sense of something that upset some of us in very deep-seated ways. I am not here to bother you or critique you or tell you that you’re lesser because you liked the ending. If you felt it was good, then go enjoy it.

Long-ass post beneath the cut, everyone.

Alrighty folks...I debated whether or not to do this because I have been spiraling down the hell that is the SPN finale since Thursday. The travesty of what happened to our show--to this beloved show that seemed to have been so perfectly and precisely written for at least four years that it had basically already paved its own tarmac on which to land its plane and we all thought we knew exactly what we were going to get. And then we didn’t. We had a nigh Cas-less and entirely Eileen-less ending. We had no goodbye between Cas and Jack. We had Dean dying young after finally finding his freedom, only to ascend to heaven with no one but Bobby. We had the weird, weird, weird incest-y death scene. We had the bridge crane shot thing because...sure. You do you, Robert Singer.

It was so terrible, so truly awful, and I couldn’t seem to square any of it with anything we had known going in. I tossed and turned and cried and didn’t eat or sleep all weekend. I spent hours just reloading tumblr and twitter, going to the Misha panel, reading and reading and listening and trying to figure out what the fucking hell is going on because I needed to know exactly where to direct my anger. And after a fuckton of talking with @winchester-reload, I think we have at least a very plausible theory about what happened here--I’m laying it out below as much for my own peace of mind as anything else, because otherwise all of these thoughts are going to continue to spin around in my head for weeks and I won’t be able to do jack shit.

Now to start off, unfortunately I do think Dean was slated to die from the beginning of this season. I don’t know WHY they thought that was the best way to go, and I wish they had listened to Jensen on this one. Part of me wonders if it was an order from on high based on the discussion between Becky and Chuck earlier this season--the writers knew it wasn’t a great choice, but they were trying to signal to us that we should feel free to write our own endings to the story because they’d be better (I can wax poetic on the signs of why many of the writers probably wanted Dean to live, but that’s another post). I’m not defending that choice by any means, just laying it out there that I think they didn’t necessarily all want to kill Dean like they did.

However, what I THINK I can explain now is what happened with Misha and why we got so jerked around with Cas’s story. Consider what we know (I can’t immediately source all of it, but I did my best):

At the end of episode 15x19, Lucifer has been returned to the Empty after being killed AGAIN. He talks with Cas. Maybe harasses him a bit about Dean, idk. But then...Jack shows up. New God Jack. And he picks up Cas and pulls him out of the Empty, leaving Lucifer behind, because seriously. Fuck that guy (also leaving behind his abusive father is character growth for Jack, so yay for that).

-Misha was contracted to film 15 episodes this season. He was only in 14.

-Misha told Michael Sheen he had to go back to film 1.5 episodes after the shutdown in March. (Starts at 6:13)

-Misha was in Vancouver during filming of the finale.

-Mark P said at Darklight Con that the last scene he filmed was with Alex and Misha (and Mark P was only in episode 19).

-Misha implied that he was present for various filming moments, including Dean’s death (start at 35:15), and said that it felt like a “mini-reunion.”

-Various sources have mentioned that Jimmy Novak was supposed to be in the finale.

-After episode 18, Stands tweeted a fan who was angered and hurt by Cas's death that they could talk about the “bury the gays” issue after the finale aired.

-In episode 19 we know there were takes of the parking lot scene where the only thing fans observing could hear was Dean yelling “CAS” at Chuck (fuck I can’t find this one right now, but it’s definitely out there)

-Also in episode 19, we had a very strange, awkward montage at the end of the episode.

-In episode 20, we know there were a FUCKTON of missing scenes

-We also had no opening montage, but three other separate montages.

-Carry on My Wayward Son was played TWICE, back-to-back at the end of the episode.

-Episode 20 was shorter than normal and had surprisingly little dialogue. The pacing was VERY strange.

-The cast and crew has been almost completely silent about the finale since it came out. When they have spoken, it has been with an awkward excuse of “Uh...COVID?”

-Samantha Ferris has specifically noted that, despite the Harvelle’s being back in play and a big heaven reunion having been planned pre-COVID, neither she nor Chad Lindberg received any such invitation to return.

-Cas and Dean POP Funko figures were pictured together in a replica of Harvelle’s in 15x04.

NOW with all of this in mind (and I’m probably missing some stuff too because there is so much--feel free to add on to that list), please bear with me because here is what I think we were SUPPOSED to get POST-COVID (after it was determined that the reunion couldn’t happen because of the virus):

In episode 20, we start with our NORMAL OPENING MONTAGE, like always. It traces everything that happened during the season. We are reminded of Cas. The confession. Rowena. Eileen. Jack. Billie, God, the Empty, all of it.

Things then follow along in the episode where they did up until Dean dies and wakes up in heaven. After his conversation with Bobby, he drives off to find Cas (who, in the script, was listed as “Jimmy Novak” in order to protect against script leaks--who wouldn’t want to do their best to avoid spoilers about the finale with the wrapping of a fifteen-year show?). He does indeed find Cas. We get Dean’s end of the confession. Hell, maybe we even get a kiss. And then Dean sets up his new heaven home in the recreated Harvelle’s. Maybe Cas even fucking moves in.

Years pass. We get Sam having his life on Earth (still can’t explain why they cut Eileen and couldn’t even have Sam signing vaguely to the blurry brunette in the background; if anyone wants to take that on, go for it). Eventually, Cas tells Dean that it’s almost Sam’s time. Dean takes Baby and goes to meet Sam at the bridge. The cover of Carry on My Wayward Son plays during this much shorter sequence. End of episode.

But that’s not what we got. Instead, much of what I just wrote about was excised from the episode. The remnants were stitched together after shooting had been wrapped. Filler was added in the form of montages and long, unnecessary extra shots to get the episode to something approaching a reasonable length.

But why? Why would they spend all that time and money and quarantining on Misha, only to almost completely cut him out of the finale? I struggled with why the fuck the CW would want this mammoth show to go down as the greatest queerbait in TV history when they had the chance to do something truly beautiful and monumental with it? It couldn’t just be sheer homophobia, right? Well, I think that factored into it, my friends, but here is where my head is at right now.

It was about cold, hard cash.

Now I could be wrong, but this is what I’m thinking at the moment: Supernatural is going off of the air. Supernatural, the CW’s cash cow for fifteen years. Sure there is still money to be made on blu-rays and merchandise and cons...but they need people watching their shows. They need that sweet advertising revenue. And you know what show they have about to premiere? A show that could, potentially, bring with it a chunk of that SPN revenue?

Walker.

And if any of you know anything about the original Walker Texas Ranger, you know that the show was predominantly a show about a very heterosexual white man being very excessively heterosexual. And for SOME REASON over the years, many of the execs at the CW still seem to think that this show, Supernatural, is really attractive to a lot of middle-American white men...whom they desperately want to watch this new show with this guy from Supernatural that they already know.

Now here’s where COVID fucked us. I think Destiel was greenlit by TPTB, at least in SOME form, before COVID. But then the pandemic happened, and they panicked. They got the cut of the last two episodes and watched them in their original, probably queer form. And then, the execs at CW looked at the economy. They looked at their cash cow, about to make its journey to the great beyond. And they looked at this new little calf Walker that they were so desperately worried about. And they made a choice.

They decided that it would be too risky to take the step with Destiel. They were worried about frightening off their ever-so-valuable hetero male demographic with the possibility that a traditionally masculine man in his 40s could be in love with another man in an overt way. It was homophobia mixed with greed, spun up by fear for their revenues because of COVID.

So they called in Singer, possibly Dabb, although I wouldn’t be surprised if they went straight to Singer. They told them that Destiel had to go: executive orders. And the only way to make it go in a way that removed any trace of what had been there was to rewrite what happened to Cas and cut him out from the last two episodes entirely. It was too late to reshoot anything. They had to just cut and stitch and fill with bullshit montages.

They removed the scene at the end of 19, probably because Cas and Lucifer discussed Dean. All that was left of Misha there was his voice on that fake phone call. They may have cut other things too, but I would bet my life that they cut a scene from the end of the episode and replaced it with that very strange montage. Then they moved onto 20. They cut out every scene with Cas. And left in only two platonic mentions of him, neither made by Dean. They tried to imply that Cas might show up in Dean’s heaven at some point, but that was as far as the editors could go in the time they had. They filled in with montages, awkwardly long shots, anything they could do to fill all of those missing scenes.

And they even had to take the opening montage, because literally everything in it pointed to Cas being there at the end of it all. They wouldn’t be able to leave out his scenes, they were too critical to the season. They couldn’t cut his confession without raising eyebrows. So they cut the whole thing and moved “Carry On My Wayward Son” to one of the newly-added driving montages at the end. Which is why we awkwardly had both songs play back-to-back--again, such a strange choice unless they were out of options and couldn’t exactly buy rights to a new track or compose anything else.

And so we were left with the shadow of the finale that we deserved, that Cas and Dean deserved. We were left without resolution or happiness or words. Bobo told us the most important thing about happiness is just “saying it” and our characters were silenced without anyone ever knowing the truth.

I think the writers might have known and been given the new party line that “Misha never filmed, he couldn’t, sorry, it was COVID, no one’s fault!” But I don’t think most of the cast even knew it had happened until they watched the finale on Thursday with us (though they might have been confused why the bit from 15x19 was sliced, they could reasonably have assumed it was a time thing and also BL episodes don’t make sense anyway). Why do I say that?

Well, first of all, Misha started sending out a bunch of excited texts to fans with some old BTS pictures about an hour before the show started airing on EST. He also wanted his children to see the episode, his YOUNG children. Why would he show them such a traumatic episode if their Dad wasn’t in it? What if it was because he wanted them to witness what was going to be a monumental moment in queer television history that their DAD got to be a part of? And then that was all dashed.

Which is why I think the cast and crew went almost completely radio silent the next day. I don’t think they knew. And based on how they have been acting on social media since then, I think many of them are absolutely furious, but they have been silenced because of NDAs, because they want to find work again in a cutthroat industry, because they don’t want to bring down the hellfire of Warner Brothers Entertainment upon themselves. So the most we have gotten is a little acknowledgement from the MERCHANDISING COMPANY trying to validate our pain (god bless Shirts, she is a LIFESAVER) and a response to my salty tweet about keeping good stuff in the closet from Adam Williams (the VFX coordinator) that seemed to acknowledge the validity of my complaint.

Then there was a scramble behind the scenes, I would bet my life. Talking points were fed to the boys who had panels today, to CE, to all the cast and crew:

Toe the party line. Misha never filmed. This was always about COVID. Do not mention Destiel. Do not mention Dean’s feelings for Cas. Do not promote the Castiel Project or anything that validates the idea that this was anything less than a superb ending.

And that is why we have heard so little from the cast on this front, and what we have heard has been muddled and contradictory. That is why the writers are saying nothing. That is why we have been left adrift.

Now before I close this out, I do want to say that I really, genuinely do not think this was on the writers at all. I feel like they tried to give us the best ending that they could, in a writers room that we know is notorious for splitting along party lines about the overall story (BL and Singer, who have always been about the brothers and their man-pain vs. Dabb and the rest who always seemed to want more for them and for Cas). I think they did everything in their power to at least end with Dean and Cas happy together. If they could give us nothing else, they wanted to give us that. And then the network took it from them. From us. From everyone.

For the sake of fucking money.

And the WORST PART OF IT ALL, for me, is that in the wake of this disaster, the fans have been left to try and figure out what happened. We have had to wade through a mire of conflicting information in the midst of all of our collective anger and grief over this garbage ending of a show many of us have loved and even relied on for YEARS, all the while wondering if we’re just fucking crazy, if we have all fallen collectively into the hole of conspiracy theories. That hurts ESPECIALLY badly because we have taken so many hits over the years from other groups on social media saying we were crazy for seeing things that weren’t there (especially Destiel), for writing meta and analyzing tropes and believing the evidence of our eyes and ears. The network has made us relive that entire nightmare WHILE processing our grief for a show we wanted so badly to celebrate and which instead we now have to mourn.

So again guys, I cannot prove that this is exactly what happened at all; this is simply my idea of what may have happened. But right now, it’s the most sense I can make from this mess, and to be honest, the act of typing it out has helped me enormously in my processing of it all. I feel like I can see more clearly, like I know where to target my outrage and where to direct empathy. I feel like just fucking maybe, I might be able to do my job tomorrow without bursting into tears at random moments.

I really hope that this post has helped some of you to, in some small way, process this too. We get through this the way that Misha told us at his panel this morning, the way the writers have told us to do all season long...we throw out the story God gave us and we make it better. We write our characters the happy endings they deserve.

We save them.

One last thing--if you have not already, please consider channeling your rage into a donation to one of the five causes our fandom has put together to pay tribute to our beloved show and to mourn the ending it should have had:

-The Castiel Project

-Dean Winchester is Love

-Sam Winchester Project

-The National Association of the Deaf

-The Jack Kline Project

#supernatural season 15 #spn finale #speculation #destiel #destielgate #the ending was not the ending #fuck the cw #trust the story #we were robbed

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oviids · 4 years

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pls share some of your spn fic recs 🥺🥺

ok, a few things first:

followers and mutuals who do not have supernatural brainworms, kindly avert your eyes

i don’t normally rec or even read much fanfic any more but this is a CRISIS ok (cont.)

there is so. much. content for deancas out there and i have incredibly high standards, several ancient ao3 bookmarks, can speedread, and want to spare you guys the experience of wading through it all.

i also have a section for spn femslash since I was pretty into that back in the day (sadly a lot less fan content for this :/)

I don’t really like au’s or pure smut (I honestly usually just skim or skip those scenes) so if you’re mainly looking for that kind of thing this probably won’t be very helpful to you. jsyk.

i’m not great at describing stuff but i’ll do my best, i’ll also try and add tw’s when neccesary.

i wil try and keep updating this with any other decent fics i find, feel free to rec stuff too since i’m like 7 years behind.(edit 1/25/21) this is getting looooong so i’m going to start making another list on my spn blog rather than update this one

(edit 1/3/21) since this has gotten pretty long i’ve added rating/approximate word counts and marked my particular favorites with an asterisk.

Dean/Cas fic:

So Says The Sword*** - explicit/85k. FUCK its good...au/time travel where dean is not pulled out of hell by cas and says yes to becoming the michael sword. honestly could serve as an alternative to actually watching the show, if you want to get into dean/cas without actually doing that to yourself.

Fata morgana.* - teen/6k, pst s9 finale. very bela centric and i love it, she finds cas looking for dean in hell.

Redemption Road -misc/600+k. an incredibly long fic from a collaborative writing group back in the day. canon divergent from the end of s6 on, has a cool take on godstiel and the leviathans, as well as the lovecratian mythos connection. ngl when i reread it i only made it about 28% in but imo the casual reader can actually stop around there, the rest concerns a lovecraftian apocalypse that is still good (i think i don’t remember it very well) but not required to enjoy the first half. if you prefer i have an ebook version i can send you on gdrive.

Someone Who's Feeling For Me* - mature/45k, s12. they run into lisa braeden and dean thinks cas is into her while cas thinks dean still likes her. treats lisa way better than the show ever did and the miscommunication is pretty funny rather than annoying.

a turn of the earth - mature/95k. time travel fic where cas from s10 keeps showing up in deans life from a few years before s1 to right before the hellhounds take his soul. slow burn, good character study, and at one point cas punches the dad in the face and it rules.

On the Wings of War - teen/85k, canon divergent s5. dean accidentally becomes the Horseman of War. plays fun, fast and loose with biblical lore, michael has some rights.

Named - mature/95k, alternate s5. EXTREMELY blasphemous in a fun sexy way. manages to predict metatron almost to a T. there’s one major character death and its literally jesus christ, everyone is very sad about it and it sets the rest of the story rolling. an alternate interpretation of cas’ mission to raise dean from hell which had me on the floor. ngl its kind of misogynistic at points, but its from 2010 and tracks with late oughts-2010 spn (sorry anna the author did you dirty here:/).

The Girlfriend Experience - explicit/15k. uhhh i don’t normally rec or even read smutty stuff unless someone i know is specifically asking for it but this has stuff like sam trying to be a good ally and dean thinking holding hands with cas is ‘kinda gay :/’ minutes after having gay sex with him.

i crippled your heart a hundred times - explicit/19k, s8. cas confesses his feelings and dean spends a long time getting his head out of his ass about it. truly hits different after the actual confession, despite being written six years early it feels like its actually what could have gone down more or less if the writers weren’t talentless demons who hate us.

My Roots Take Flight** - mature/125k. reverse au where cas is a hunter and dean’s an angel...OR IS IT???? an alternate retelling of s4. tw for briefly being set in a psychiatric hospital/the hospital being mentioned somewhat frequently throughout the fic, plus more references to torture in hell and heaven than usual.

The One Thing You Can't Lose* - teen/4k.you know those posts about how cas is a super-strong super-tough ancient warrior but he just lets dean tug him around because he likes it? thats it thats the fic.

Hands, From Which All Things Are Built - teen/14k, post s8′s ‘goodbye stranger.’ cas is on the run with the angel tablet but keeps in touch with sam and dean by text, he and dean still manage to be terrible at Actual communication.

Autrement, Danger - or, The Account of an Exceedingly Long Day - mature/30k, post s11. a monster that takes the appearance of your soulmate leads to some wild miscommunications and dealing with years of repression, also dean gets to see cas’ true form which is always cool. tw for non-graphic mentions of underage sexual assault/sex work.

Down to Agincourt - mature/explicit/900++++k, endverse continuation. endverse!cas survives his encounter with lucifer and discovers another time-displaced dean from s7. i’ve only read the two of four parts but its really good, veeeeery slow burn, has a lot of fun oc’s and takes a rather surprising but (imo) entertaining and intriguing turn into Hellenic history and mythology. usual tw’s for endverse/endverse!cas but nothing graphic, it’s actually pretty light-hearted (relatively speaking of course).

Nothing Equals the Splendor** - explicit/8k, THEE finale fix it fic you’ve been waiting for! posits that the entire final episode was just a (very bad and lame) djinn’s vision.

like moses and batman and james dean - explicit/31k, post s8. explores dean’s trauma and internalized homophoba from his technically canon experience with sex work and its impact on his relationship with cas. the sex work itself isn’t really shown in any detail but it’s still a relatively heavy fic.

Crazy Diamonds - explicit/25k, s4/alternate s14. fresh-out-of-hell dean and dean from 10 years in the future are displaced from time and sent to each other’s present.

where the weeds take root - explicit/30k. au where the men of letters kick them out of the bunker and they accidentally move out into the country, get over their codependence and semi retire. featuring chicken coop building, sam volunteering at a dog shelter, gardening, and blissfully mundane domesticity.

No Resting Place - teen/6k. djinn dream fic, switches back and forth between cas’ dream of being married to dean and retired from hunting to the aftermath when he wakes up. tw for brief mention of suicide since, y’know, djinn dream.

any port in a storm - mature/52k. post s8 finale. cas and dean have to pose as a couple going through a rough patch for a case and actually deal with their emotional baggage, cas struggles with being human and metatron is up to stuff.

all this and heaven too* - explicit/7k. in the author’s own words ‘...a love letter to every trans person who ever projected onto Dean Winchester.’ absolutely unzipped me emotionally and theologically, its just. so good. tw for very brief mentions of internalized transphobia/dysphoria.

Because it is* - mature/6k, finale fix it. killing chuck does not bring back anyone back and the winchesters spend a very long time dealing with what they’ve lost, cas and dean SOMEHOW still manage to have signifigant communication issues even after the confession. tw for suicidal thoughts/brief attempt.

Vena Amoris and Other Old-Fashioned Bullshit* - teen/4k, s6. when cas fell for dean it automatically soulbonded/angel married them, shenanigans ensue when dean finds out during the angel’s civil war. funny and actually written back when s6 was airing so cas is still (or at least pretending to be) kind of an OP asshole which is fun.

Rinse, Repeat - teen/3k, s8. angsty character study of cas as he’s reprogrammed and trained to kill dean. not really dean/cas since its just cas’ pov of canon events but its beautifully written and ends with him snapping out of it through the power of love (also now a canon event!).

Emergence - explicit/59k, canon divergent after s11. dean meets a hunter he only recognizes as their friend claire novak’s missing father, but soon realizes he might be the answer behind the mysterious void in his memories and feelings (aka everyone’s memories of cas are completely wiped away for three years).

Cuckoo And Nest - explicit/10k, early established relationship/character study, cas tries to figure out how he fits into dean’s life and space in the bunker.

Build a Home* - teen/20k, canon divergent s12. sam and eileen are cute and turn the bunker into men of letters/hunters hq and everyone but cas moves in, mutual miscommunication issues and pining ensues.

Down in the River - teen/5k, early s8, cas prays to dean in purgatory while sam and dean try to figure out a way to get him out.

Teaching Poetry to Fish* - mature/52k, ?? BC through the entire series/canon divergent s14 and 15. retelling of crucial scenes throughout the shows timeline from cas’ pov, feat. actual fish and poetry.

the minor fall, the major lift - gen/4k, post confession/finale fixit. dean goes into the empty to save cas and runs into several old friends (and enemies).

With the Kisses of His Mouth* - teen/3k, gen later seasons. dean and cas keep kissing by accident.

Remaining Grace - explicit/109k, alternate s6. au where cas asks dean for help with raphael and dean, of course, does. tw for temporary major character death/semi-graphic depictions of alcohol withdrawal.

The face of heaven.* - teen/10k, au, dean is a regular guy and cas is a fallen star (think ‘stardust’, kinda).

Stories Are Made of Mistakes* - teen/5k. newly human cas has trouble getting used to a human body and humanity in general, but still figures out that he and dean are A Thing before dean does.

Hurry Up And Wait - mature/21k, canon divergent s12. a fairyland and quite possibly LOTR related case comes up and dean goes full fanboy, mary is introduced to the wonders of the peter jackson adaptions, many references and comparisons (including between cas and dean’s ‘friendship’ and arwen/aragon). also charle is still alive and has just been doing fairy stuff this whole time.

There Are Many Things - explicit/28k, s9. cas is extremely lonely/touch-starved and trying to figure out this whole human thing, as well as where he and dean stand after being kicked out of the bunker.

It's A Long Life to Always Be Longing - teen/40k, post s11 finale. amara helps dean by putting him in a magical coma so he can finally get some much needed rest and show him possible futures for him, sam and cas. meanwhile sam and cas go on a roadtrip (or several) to find componets for a spell to wake dean up. really good sam and cas friendship, they actually talk about their shared lucifer trauma and stuff.

Non-Photo Blue - gen/2k, s4/5/alternate s5. fifty moments from cas’ memories of dean.

Tall Grass - explicit/57k, canon divergent post series. cas becomes the ultimate plant dad. feat the wayward sisters gang, cathartic character growth, fun oc’s, domesticity, and lots of actual botanical info-dumping.

on vessels - no rating/gen/2k. established dean/cas, cas tells dean about how he used to imagine what it would be like to have him as his vessel.

search for tomorrow on every shore* - teen/11k, post-finale (extremely derogatory). some angels in jack’s new heaven act out and dean gets temporarily resurrected in 2003 and runs into his younger self.

Architecture of the Minotaur’s Heart - explicit/45k, very canon divergent post s1. dean’s new house seems to have a life and mind of its own, while in his dreams he sees glimpses of a world and apocalypse that never came to be and an angel that looks strangely like his mysterious neighbor, cas. loosely inspired by the book house of leaves (which i highly recommend for fans of weird horror).

The Distance Of The Setting Sun - explicit/17k, post s5. established dean/cas relationship, team free will finally takes advantage of cas’ abilities to go on vacation around the world.

diamond star halo - teen/5k, s11. dean lets cas use him as a temporary vessel while he recovers from rowena’s spell, sam is a long-suffering third-wheel.

Make Known** - teen/16k, s6/7. dean struggles to understand how cas could have become his enemy and whether he ever truly knew him in the first place.

blunt little instrument* - mature/1.4k, post finale. dean finally confronts his father in heaven, very cathartic.

my heart a compass*** - teen/10k, post confession. the empty forces cas to re-experience his most regretted moments while dean tries to snap him out of it and bring him home.

A Crash Course in Someone Else's History - teen/11k, s6. cas from the very start of s4 is brought forward in time by s6!cas to distract the brothers from his and crowley’s plans.

The Cuckoo Father - mature/8k, s7 au. the woman who found cas in the river post-leviathans does not marry him bc he was sent to her by god or whatever, but actually identifies him as jimmy novak and sends him back to claire and amelia.

The Dead Dean Clause* - teen/5k, post alt s5 ending. team free will celebrates surviving taking down lucifer by getting blitzed, cas lies to a cop and gets an impromptu driving lesson. title/description sound dark i know but it’s actually very funny and light.

Suck It, Judy Garland - mature/20k, s12 (after the ‘i love you...i love all of you’ episode). cas and sam have to pretend to be a couple for a case and dean is NOT happy about it.

By Daylight and In Dream - teen/16k, s5. pre-dean/cas, dean invites cas to use his dreams to hide from the other angels. tw for very brief mention of a memory/dream of alastair sexually assaulting dean.

The Five People You Meet in Heaven - mature/22k, post-canon. an actually happy (if sometimes bittersweet) heaven endgame written several years ago, though some details are rather eerily similar to the show’s ending.

heaven is a place on earth* - teen/2k. dean’s pov of some of the times cas left him behind throughout the show, and one alternate ending where he finally gets to stay.

I Cleanse The Mirror - teen/20k, alternate s6. dean’s body is stolen by an ancient elemental and his soul has to hitch a ride in cas’ vessel.

an exploration of gender; angelic*** - mature/4k. *oscar isaac voice* lets get into angel gender politics!! aka cas is trans.

Zenith - explicit/33k, s9. after 9x06 an angry witch curses cas with the ability to see supernatural beings and human souls.

La cucina. - gen/3k, alt s9. dean goes wild helping a newly-human cas find out what kinds of food he likes, or the early s9 domesticity we deserved!

Dean Winchester, Cocksucker at Rest***** - teen/7k, post-finale. john and mary finally come over for dinner and john reacts to dean/cas in a rather predictable fashion. SOOOOOOOOO good omg, its so funny and a little sad and very very cathartic. part of a series that has a few other really good short fics.

The Way You Didn't Go - teen/5k, s15. coda to 15.09, dean has nightmares about the moc!cas timeline.

On Drowning - teen/28k. dean saves cas after he nearly drowns, they both try and deal with the physical/mental fallout (aka the fic where thee iconic “you only touch me when you think I’m dead or dying” originates). tw for realistic depictions of drowning/triage/misc medical information.

The Thirty-Six Questions That Lead to Love* - mature/13k. claire has dean and cas pretend to be her gay dads for a case and they play the titular 36 question game, get mistaken for swingers, and birdwatch, among other things.

Assorted F/F stuff:

Deep Breaths* - mary/ellen, au where mary said no to azazel’s deal and let john stay dead, still becomes a milf.

Like Rebel Diamonds - krissy/claire, they become hunter gf’s on the hunt for cas to kick his ass for taking jimmy. not-so-stealth dean/cas as well.

To Ash and Bone - anna/ruby, same author as the previous fic (p much all of her stuff is good from what i recall). au where ruby is a witch and helps anna when she’s cursed.

Holy Clockwork Angels - jo/ruby, STEAMPUNK au with very cool worldbuiilding.

At Day's End - jo/anna (my fucking KINGDOM for more jo/anna content, the dean/cas parallels are allllll there), au where they are both at the camp in the endverse and gfs.

these posts - ok so not actually a fic but i’m now obsessed with this hannah/meg dynamic.

Tagelied - mary/ellen, the true story of how ellen got into hunting before angels interfered.

Hell's Bells** - meg/abaddon, alternate s8/9 where meg survives crowley’s attack with sam’s help and teams up with abaddon (who she has a sk year old crush on) to take back hell.

The Ecstasy of the Rose - anna/ruby, anna travels back in time to escape heaven and becomes a signifigant part of ruby’s old human life.

Angel Underground - anna/jo, kind of an urban fantasy au with a very intriguing premise (sadly its very short, i’d love to see more if this ‘verse).

Clover, Flame - billie/mary, billie was always the reaper that showed up to take mary after her death(s) over the years.

Drag Me To Heaven - anna/ruby, a variant on the ‘last night on earth’ thing with dean.

Come Home* - jo/anna, canon-divergent au where anna is the new waitress at the roadhouse and helps jo set up a (probably not really) haunted house for halloween.

#if you told me i'd be doing this in 2020 three weeks ago i'd have laughed in your face :/#deancas #supernatural #fic recs #spn femslash #destiel #fic #the alie tag #spn posting

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