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railingsofsorrow · 24 days

Text

you're my peace of mind

[regulus black x james potter]

summary: inspired by this post. or... in which james is anxious and regulus attempts to ground him with his touch.

pairing: j.potter x r.black (slightly friends to lovers, but this does not focus on romance)

w.c: 2.4K

warnings/content: discussion regarding anxiety + anxiety symptoms; anxiety medication; hurt/comfort.

A/N: hi I've been gone for a while but this idea helped me get back to writing. the way james is experiencing anxiety here is based on a personal experience, this is not how everyone who has anxiety reacts, people have different experiences. keep that in mind. anyway, enjoy this little oneshot :)

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Regulus is trying to pay attention to what the professor is explaining. He has been trying that for the past fifteen minutes. She's annotating something on the board, something important, probably. It will definitely be on her final exam. But he's too busy concentrating on the non-stop bouncing of James Potter's leg beside him to focus on the lecture, unfortunately.

Regulus is used to James's persona. He's restless. That is the exact adjective he uses to describe James whenever he has to. James is always doing something or looking for something to do. He can't stay still. Unless he's sleeping, then he doesn't move at all. Regulus doesn't understand how he can be so different in these two states but he stopped trying to understand James for a while now.

His mannerisms don't bother him to a great level anymore. They used to, sure. When he was eleven and the boy by his side stole all his older brother's attention to him. But thank god for communication and therapy because Sirius and him have quite a good relationship now. Healthy, you could say even. Perhaps due to their parents not being in the picture any longer.

Regulus warmed up to James. Well, he had to learn how to deal with him somehow because the prick couldn't stop following him around university after finding out he was also studying there and look at that! We share some classes together! Isn't that great, Reg?

No, it was, in fact, not great.

Until, well, Regulus warmed up to James.

It happened gradually. Nothing forced. Nothing fast. But at the right time. They became friends. Friends who occasionally sleep next to each other in bed. Friends who stare more than they should at each other. But, you know, friends.

Regulus enjoys James company. And it comes to a point where he recognises his walking through his apartment when he comes over unannounced. He has a spare key and he uses it whenever he feels like it. Regulus told him that wasn't a reason to use a spare key, James shrugged him off.

He knows James. He knows the way he blinks repeatedly when he's sleepy and the way he hates wearing shoes when he's home so he just walks around with the most ugly looking colourful socks ever.

He knows the bouncing of his leg when he's bothered by something. It's different when he's anxious. Even after several years of entering a common agreement that they are friends and that they can share anything with each other — James told him that himself in a particularly bad day of self isolation for Regulus. — James insists on hiding his hardships from Regulus. Or from anybody else, really. It's harder to do that to Sirius, because it's like James and Sirius share a fucking limb and can understand what's going on through countries away.

Something or someone made his anxiety spike up today. Regulus doesn't know which of the options it is yet, he has a hunch but he is not certain. Not that it matters, he can tell him the reason later when they're alone. Or not. It really doesn't matter.

It's understandable that James Potter's love language is touch. He's clingy. He likes holding hands and hugs from behind and intertwining legs during a movie marathon. He likes touch. It's comforting for him. Which is why Regulus slips his hand beneath their desk, head tilted forward towards the professor so she wouldn't call their attention — if she cares. Which she doesn't — halting right before reaching James's bouncing knee to squeeze softly.

It doesn't take two seconds for the bouncing to stop.

He keeps his hand there, drawing invisible patterns against the fabric of his jeans as he writes down something he considers important with his unoccupied hand. He hears the screeching of the chair moving beside him and James' warmth is finally inserted into his personal space. Their elbows are bumping from how close they are now, but Regulus doesn't care because James sinks his head into his shoulder. His thick curls caressing and tickling the side of his neck.

“James,” Regulus hushed out more urgently this time. “Are you okay?” And is such a dumb question. He knows that, he knows it is stupid to ask that to someone who's currently anxious for a reason he doesn't know but it was what got out.

James takes a hot minute to answer. The professor is wildly gesticulating with her hand and his ears are ringing. He shuts his eyes for a moment, maybe it would stop. “'m fine.”

“You're a shitty liar.” Regulus says, raising his hand to touch the back of his arm, seeking for the part of his body that always reveals the truth to him. He receives the verdict upon touching his hand. Clammy. “Do you want to leave?”

“We have five minutes left.”

“I don't care.”

“It's not that bad.” James blinks fast, raising his head from Regulus' shoulder. He was almost dozing off with his perfume grounding him to peace. James doesn't need his meds when Regulus is close to him. He feels a hundred percent recharged already.

Regulus lets him think he bought the excuse. When class is over, the stern voice at his ear is so damn near his neck that James might pass out. Really, what is he trying to do, get him to fold right over? James was about to do that. He would do anything for Regulus. So he stayed sat down as every other student exited the room. The annoyingly white room, filled with annoyingly bright lights that made his head pound and pound and— He's so thirsty. He forgot his water bottle. He forgot a lot of things today. He can't forget things, he's disrupting his own routine like that and routines are good, they are controlled and he can control them. Fuck, what was he supposed to do this afternoon?

He's in his dorm before he can realise.

The first thing he notices is that it is silent. His dorm is never silent, not with Sirius voice echoing off the walls whenever he's present, which is not the case now. James is guilty to admit he's happy, he loves his best friend to the moon and back but he needs silence now.

James calculates for how long he will get silence by Regulus' antsy movements around the room. What's he doing?

“Where are your pills, James?”

And that's when James’ whole body freezes. Oh. So maybe when Regulus told him that one time he knows him it is because he really knows him.

James is a smart boy, you see. He's organized — according to Regulus he's bit of a mess with organisation but to him, he is organised, okay! — he's good at sports and he likes exercising. He's athletic. He can't stay still. Why should he? If he has so much to do. What he does not like is having to stop doing the things he enjoys because his body is forcing him to rest. He doesn't want to rest. He doesn't want to stop thinking because how could he? He has so much to do and he doesn't have enough time! He needs things to be ready beforehand. James is good with deadlines. He never once delivered an assignment after it was supposed to do. James is never late, he's always on time. He's responsible. The thing is: he can't do all of this when he's taking a medication that makes him feel slow and numb. No. James is fast and full of energy and he's never late. But he can't control things when he's taking those pills so he doesn't want to take them anymore. He gets to decide that, right? He's an adult. Twenty-two years old, in college, living with his best friend, completely head over heels for his best friend's little brother... James is all grown up now, he gets to make his own decisions.

He misses his mum. He wished she could make his decisions sometimes, she has always been good with that. God, he misses everything. His old personality. His parents. His high school days. He misses being a kid and not having to deal with half the shit his head puts him through nowadays. He figures he doesn't like himself as he used to.

“Did you toss them into the toilet again?”

James moves his arm from his face, eyes fluttering slowly as his blurry vision adjusted enough to see the black haired figure open and close his drawers in a hastily manner.

“Don't need them.” James whispered stubbornly. “Come here, Reg. Cuddle me.”

“I will when you tell me where they are.” Suddenly, he halted in the middle of the room, slowly turning towards James on the bed. “James, did you run out?”

“Those stupid pills don't keep me from having anxiety attacks, you know that, right?” James sighs. “They're not useful at all.”

“They help you so they are useful.”

“I don't feel better with them.”

“Yes, you do.” Regulus fights back, shaking his head. “Have you been sleeping well? Have you been focusing? And don't lie, I know the answer to all of these questions.”

James shifts, running a hand through his face. He picks up his glasses that are on the bedside table and puts it on. Regulus is sitting at the edge of the bed, a few of his curls dangling on his forehead, barely touching his lashes. He likes that his strands have grown longer, he looks incredibly.... Ah. James can't do that.

“They're in the box inside my wardrobe.” He relents, watching Regulus immediately seek the hidden spot. James places his arm beneath his head, supporting it. He's not dizzy anymore, maybe it's the room with less people and less bright lights. That must have helped.

Regulus walks back to bed, the little prescription bottle between his fingers. The bed moves as he sits down again and James pointedly avoids looking at the vial.

“Withdraw is worse.”

James hums softly, pulling one of the boy's hands to him, holding it to his chest. Regulus lets him, but his serious look makes the situation slightly uncomfortable.

“James.”

“m' sorry.” James bit the inside of his cheek, big brown eyes drowning in grey ones. “I just don't like them.” He admits quietly. He feels weak. A coward. He shouldn't have to need those.

“I don't like mine either.” Regulus is surprised every time he catches himself spitting out some deep dark secret he swore he'd never say out loud. But it's James. And James would never use it against him, not like his parents did. James is kind and one of the strongest people he has met. He hates seeing him like this, thinking he can take on everything on his own. You don't have to. I'm right here. “But I'd rather take them than feel like that again.”

James wished he didn't know what like that meant, but he's seen it with his own eyes and it terrifies him a bit to know what it was like for Regulus before he actually started to take care of himself, before he decided that it was worth it to get help.

“I'm sorry,” James mumbles under his breath, feeling guilt gripping his heartstrings at the thought of his actions triggering Reg in some way. He didn't want that, that was never the intention.

“James.”

Regulus sits down beside him, the bottle of pills left aside so he could slip both of his hands into his, bringing him closer. James moved towards him as if being pulled by some magnetic force; he did always craved for Regulus' warmth.

“There is nothing wrong with you. Taking medication is not a sign of weakness, it just helps you to ground yourself. It helps with the symptoms that can be unbearable sometimes. Like it got today.” James observes the way Regulus caress his knuckles gently. He gets distracted by his voice and he feels like drifting off just at being close to him. Regulus. Why would he need any anxiety medication when he has Regulus? “James.” His attention is brought back by his angelic voice and his grey-blue eyes.

“Hi.”

Regulus smiles and James feels like he died and came back to life again. He's in heaven and he doesn't believe in hell when there's an angel right in front of him, proving him that peace exists.

“There's nothing wrong with you.” Regulus says it as a promise, hand lifting to touch James's cheeks, traveling his permanently cold fingers across the skin. James tilts his head and his lids drop. He leans forward and Regulus brings him in by a nudge at the back of his neck, James's nose burying in his shoulder. “Did you hear me?”

James hums, his curls tickling Regulus' neck as he manages to nod in agreement.

“Now say it while meaning it.”

James huffs out a laugh in surprise, which drags a grin out of Regulus. “What?” The dazed tanned boy asks, big brown eyes studying Regulus's features curiously.

“Say that there is nothing wrong with you.”

James blinks slowly, “I— Well. There is always something wrong with everyone, isn't there?”

Regulus quirks up a brow and James immediately clips his mouth shut.

“Fine. There is nothing wrong with me, Reg.” James rolls his eyes, lower lip jutting out in dismay.

Regulus seems satisfied. “That's good enough for now. I'll make sure you actually mean it someday.” He stands up and James misses his body as a dehydrated man misses water in a desert.

“Where are you going?”

Regulus closes the wardrobe door then walks towards the bedside table, placing the orange bottle right above one of the books Regulus had recommended to James recently — this one is a collection of poems, he wonders if he's enjoying it.

“We are going out,” Regulus says, turning around to face James, whose body is being supported by his elbows on the bed. He decides he can convince him to start the medication again tomorrow. Today, he would help him take the edge off.

James makes one of the expressions that Regulus relates to a puppy, completely endearing and Regulus can't help but smile. “C'mon, Potter. Get your butt up. And grab a jacket, it's chilly out there.”

“I never get cold.” James comments, jumping out of the comfort of his bed to follow Regulus wherever he wants him to. He grabs his jeans jacket on his way out. “But if I do, you can just—”

“James. Shut up.”

“— warm me up.” James offers him a cheeky grin to which Regulus' reaction was to slap his shoulder. James is still able to see the red flush on his cheeks as they walk out of the dorm room and he likes it.

#jegulus fanfiction #james potter x regulus black #jegulus #jegulus headcanon #jegulus oneshot #jegulus blurb

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biderboy · 2 years

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regulus black was never going to be loved the way he loved others.

he should have noticed this small detail early on, when he’s bring flowers from the garden to his mother, only to watch her throw them out. when he tried drawing his father a picture, only for him to rip it apart.

he should have noticed it then, when he was still young and impressionable. when he still had all that hope in his heart, when he still believed in love itself. when he was just a boy in a world far too big for himself.

he should have noticed, he wished more than anything he did.

then he wouldn’t be here, a decade older, heart still filled with hope, even though it’s only just a bit. eyes still sparkling, but slowly dimming out. hands shaking, not from the cold, but from the little restraint he has left in his body not to beg james to stay.

because there was a piece of him, buried deep underneath his scars and cold eyes, that still desperately held onto the thought of love. still cried to the stars, still longed to feel a hand in his.

this was not necessarily a bad thing, it wasn’t supposed to be, love. but from years of being neglected, from years of hiding in dark corners and watching as the “love” he so deeply craved turned into dark red blood on floors and the light in his brothers eyes dim, he realized love was not good.

regulus realized that somewhere down the line, love can turn to hate. and he never knew when, never could pinpoint when or where it had happened. but at some point, when he was young, love had turned into slamming doors and screams echoing down empty corridors. it had turned into hiding bruises and holding his brother together when he couldn’t himself. it was terror and ugly and disgusting in every way.

but, that’s not what love was supposed to be. it was supposed to be happy, bright. it’s supposed to be welcoming arms and warm smiles, grass stained knees and hands pressed against each other. it was supposed to be safe. like in the books he read, the muggle ones he stole from narcissa, it was supposed to make his insides fill with butterflies and his cheeks hurt from smiling.

regulus knew this, he knew love was supposed to be good.

maybe that’s why he was here now, with the world in ruins around him. hands shaking beyond belief, his wand thrown messily to the ground as he reached from someone who wasn’t reaching back.

because james potter had made regulus believe that love could still be good.

yet standing there, as james simply shook his head, and turned without another glance. regulus realized something else.

love can be good, regulus just can’t be good enough.

#sorin writes #this is just . a vent i think #but yeah <3 #regulus black #regulus black angst #james potter #james potter angst #jegulus #jegulus angst #jegulus blurb #??#jegulus drabble #regulus black drabble #regulus black blurb #james potter drabble #james potter blurb #james x regulus

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ellecdc · 5 days

Note

First off

You survived your exams 🫡

2ndly, this is my official request for the 'potter!reader x Barty where she steals Jamies clothes' idea we were discussing ✌️

(I highlighted it in the Barty doc incase you forgot)

first of all; thank you, thank you! *bows dramatically*

secondly; here's a celebratory Barty fic

Barty Crouch Jr x Potter!reader and James is not pleased

There were a few things in life that being James Potter’s twin sister made particularly difficult.

One such thing was your ability to have friends (or, in your case, a boyfriend) not pre-approved by him.

You heard a horrified squawking sound as you made the last step down the stairs into the Gryffindor common room and looked up to see James staring at you with wide eyes while Sirius smirked, Remus rolled his eyes, and Peter groaned dramatically.

“Where do you think you’re going!?” James demanded as he all but stepped over Peter to make his way over to you.

“Prongs, please, this is the fourth time you abandoned this chess game.” Peter whined as Sirius snickered.

“Leave the poor girl alone, James. You’re not her mother.” Remus chided, causing you to raise your eyebrows at your brother as if saying “yeah!”

“Where are you going?” James amended with an eye roll of his own.

“Slytherin.” You answered simply, crossing your arms over your chest as you challenged your brother head on.

“And what are you wearing?” He continued displeasing; plucking at the long-sleeved t-shirt you currently adorned between his two fingers as if it was something particularly disgusting he’d found on the side of the road.

You scoffed derisively as you swatted his hands away. “What? Are joggers and a long sleeved shirt not modest enough, James?”

He narrowed his eyes at you as he petulantly swatted you back for having swatted him. “These are boys' clothes, Y/N; you’re wearing a boy’s clothes. Oh my Godric; you’re sleeping with him, aren’t you!” He accused theatrically.

He spun on the spot to face his friends and dragged you beside him roughly by the arm as he pointed at you. “She’s wearing his clothes! Junior is defiling my sister.”

And though that wasn’t technically untrue, it wasn’t the fucking point, or any of his business.

“James!” You shouted over his panicked trade, ignoring Peter’s protests at him being “far too invested in his own sister’s sexual habits.”

“James Fleamont Potter!” You bellowed, grabbing your brother by a fistful of his hair and pulling his face towards you. “This is your shirt. I took it from your trunk.”

James froze in his place; hunched over like a ventriloquist dummy that you were controlling by means of his hair as he took a second look at your outfit.

A brief look of embarrassment flashed across his features as his eyes flit back up to yours.

“Huh.” He chuckled awkwardly. “Funny that.”

You sneered at him and shoved him away from you. “As lovely as this was, Jamie, I’ll be leaving.”

“Wait! No!” James started, reaching for you before he was being physically redirected back towards the couch by Remus.

“Come on, James; leave your sister alone, yeah?” He said jovially as he thumped James on the back twice.

“Go on, Princess, while he’s distracted. And don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!” Sirius called, shooting you a salacious wink.

You barked a laugh and shook your head. “That doesn’t leave much off limits, Black.”

James squawked again as Sirius laughed boisterously and you left the Gryffindor common room behind you.

Blessedly, the noise level (and general vibe) in the Slytherin common room was far more relaxed as you stepped through the door.

Barty whipped his head towards the sound sporting a very severe expression on his face until his eyes landed on you, causing his expression to turn into a beaming smile as he flipped the chess board he’d been in the middle of playing with Evan over; telling his friend to “get fucking lost, my girl is here.”

You chuckled at Evan’s petulant grumblings as Barty swept you up off your feet into a bear hug and breathed you in.

“What took you so long, angelcakes?” He said through a sigh as he placed you back onto your feet, though kept your face secure within his hands as he smiled down at you.

“I had to fight off my brother on my way.”

Barty rolled his eyes dramatically and lowered his voice. “If you need me to kill him, just say the word, Princess; he’ll never bother you again.”

You chuckled and teasingly smacked his arm. “Brothers are meant to be a bother; that’s what they’re put on this earth for.”

Regulus offered you a ‘hear, hear’ as Barty escorted you towards his dorm room.

You were no sooner curled up against Barty on his bed when he was pulling you away from him and scrutinising your form.

“What are you wearing?” He asked bemusedly.

You groaned dramatically and threw yourself back onto the bed. “What is it with everyone and their obsession with my outfit!?”

“It’s not the outfit, it’s the shirt.” Barty explained, sitting up to get a better look at you.

“It’s just a shirt - not even a very nice one at that.” You muttered, looking down at the random shirt you’d pilfered from your brother’s trunk; why were boys clothes so much more comfortable!?

“How dare you!” Barty bristled in offence. “I spent a lot of my father’s dirty money on that shirt!”

You looked at your boyfriend with furrowed brows. “Barty, this isn’t your shirt?”

“I know - I bought it for Reg for his birthday last year.”

This was Regulus’ shirt?

But…

“Barty…” You started slowly, realisation dawning on you as you met your boyfriends bemused eyes. “I stole this shirt from Jamie’s room.”

Barty’s brows furrowed further as he looked back down at your James’ Regulus’ shirt. “Why…why would Potter have Reg’s shirt?”

You let the silence sit for a few moments before each of you were scrambling from Barty’s bed and racing to the common room.

“Are you sleeping with my brother!?” You shouted at the same time Barty screeched, “you’re fucking a Potter too!?”

Regulus had looked up from his book though staunchly refused to look at you; and whilst his face remained impassive, a furious blush overtook his face.

“I’M TELLING SIRIUS!” You shouted as you turned and bolted towards the door; Regulus hot on your heels shouting “don’t you fucking dare!”, and Barty cackling madly as he followed the two of you up to Gryffindor tower.

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resident-gay-bitch · 11 months

Text

"You're going to be okay, Reggie." Sirius said, combing his fingers through Regulus's hair.

"How do you know that?"

"Because I am." Sirius said simply, "I'm okay, so you will be too."

"We're not the same... not anymore."

"We never were." Sirius said, "You and I- we... we were never the same. You just admired me a lot, and stole my clothes."

"Yes, well..." Regulus cleared his throat, "I much preferred your trousers over my bloody dresses."

"Shame I don't fit into your old clothes anymore." Sirius smiled at Regulus through their reflection, "We could have swapped wardrobes. You did have some lovely dresses... do you remember that black velvet one mother made you wear to Cissa's engagement party?"

"Yes." Regulus frowned, "Vividly."

"Yes, you looked quite shit." Sirius said with a teasing grin, "I would have looked much better in it."

Regulus rolled his eyes, "You know what? As much as I hate to admit it, you're right."

"Thank you." Sirius said proudly, "I'm taking all that I can get with you, Reggie- Is that still what you'd like to be called?"

"Yes." Regulus nodded his head and let Sirius dab a wet cloth under his nose some more, "I like my name... it's the one good thing father has given me."

Sirius huffed, "I can gladly say the same."

"Ouch." Regulus winced as Sirius' bony finger bumped his tender nose, "Careful, wanker."

"Oh, he rebels more!" Sirius declares, "First you become one of those people, and now you call me unsavory names? Grandfather would be rolling in his grave."

"Good." Regulus nodded, "I hated that wanker."

Sirius laughed, "Didn't we all?"

Regulus smiles.

"So." Sirius nodded, standing behind Regulus now, her hands on his shoulders, "What would you like?"

"Not too short." Regulus nodded, lifting his hand to show the shape, "I want length on the top, but no longer than my ear, I'd say... and have it fade up from the bottom- but don't do that stupid shit where it's so short you can see skin through it. I still have class."

"Obviously." Sirius nodded and ran his fingers through Regulus's hair again, "We've swapped."

"Yes, we have..." Regulus nodded, "And thankfully. You look dumb with short hair."

Sirius tapped him on the top of the head to scold him, "You're far too mean to me, you know? I am about to take a pair of scissors to your hair, you might want to be more polite."

"Sorry." Regulus said, not sounding sorry at all, "You look inadequate with short hair, oh, dear sibling."

Sirius glared at his reflection before reaching for the scissors, "You're lucky you're my little brother, you know... I have this moral obligation to never severely hurt you, no matter how fucking annoying you are."

Regulus grinned, "Yes, I know... I like to take advantage of it."

Sirius shook her head and opened and closed the scissors a few times, "I thought maybe finding comfort in you're identity would fix your sour attitude, but I'm starting to think you're just a cunt."

"Oh, Sirius..." Regulus gasped, "You kiss you're mother with that mouth?"

"Ha!" Sirius laughed, "How dare you insinuate I even care for the woman."

"I live to piss you off, sibling." Regulus said simply.

"Clearly." Sirius huffed and grabbed the front of Regulus's hair, "Here?"

"A little shorter, I think."

Sirius nodded, "I'll just cut it here, and then once I'm done, I can always make it shorter." They said and pinched his hair between her fingers, "Better to be safe than sorry... and as much as I love pissing you off, I don't want to fuck this up."

Regulus glanced up at Sirius and smiled, "Thank you."

"Don't get all sappy on me, this is unnatural." Sirius grinned and got to work, "Turn the emotions back off... be a bitch!"

Regulus couldn't help but smile more, "You know, this is probably a good time to tell you I'm gay."

"Yes, it would be, wouldn't it?" Sirius sighed, "Well, that's if I cared... we're all a bit fucking gay, aren't we?"

"I suppose..." Regulus hummed, and watched Sirius cut his hair for a while, working in silence. Their usual. It was serene. Sirius' had just about cut off the bulk of it when Regulus decided to speak again, "Well, when you say everyone, do you really mean everyone?"

"Obviously." Sirius shrugged, working on straitening out the cuts, "I mean... sexuality is a vast spectrum, as is gender, and it's all a bit of a mind-fuck, if you ask me... it took me years to understand my fluidity, and to be honest with you, Reggie, I still don't."

Regulus nodded, "I'm definitely a boy... and I definitely like men."

"Good for you." Sirius smiled, "It feels good to figure it out, doesn't it?"

Regulus hummed.

"If it ever changes, don't freak out... it happens. I used to think I was bi... then I was gay, then I was pan, and then I was gay again, and now I'm just... queer, because I simply can't be fucked trying to label it, and it feels good. I like who I like, and I fuck who I wan't..." She shrugged, "And who I wan't is Remus, so that's about it."

"You fuck him?" Regulus gasped.

"As if I don't!" Sirius laughed, "He's the very definition of all things beautiful... plus, you haven't seen them in a skirt. Pure sex, Regulus."

"I don't want to know about that." Regulus shook his head.

"You asked!"

"I mean't..." Regulus shrugged and quieted his voice, "You- you're twenty next week."

"Yes." Sirius said and before Regulus could make his next point, Sirius gasped and said, "I'm having a party, if you'd like to come... you know, since we're... family again."

"Sure." Regulus waved it off, "But I'm not getting you a gift."

"You're presence is enough." Sirius laughed, "But your point?"

"Yes." He nodded, "You're twenty... barely, and... you- you have sex?" he whispered the last word.

Sirius looked at his reflection in the mirror, dead pan, "What have they done to you?"

Regulus laughed, "We're not supposed to have sex until marriage!"

"As if I'd abide by that rule, have you met me?" Sirius shook their head and got back to trimming Regulus's hair, "Plus... Remus was just too good to deny... forbidden fruit and all that."

"You disgust me." Regulus said simply.

"That's what I was born to do, dear brother..." Sirius smiled, "That feels strange to say... but I like it. I've always wanted a brother."

"Well, happy birthday, there you go." Regulus smiled, flourishing his hand in the air, "I got you a gift after all."

"Blessed be the day!" Sirius declared over joyously, "But you haven't?"

"No." Regulus shook his head.

"That's okay." Sirius sighed and continued cutting, "I didn't have sex until I was nineteen... Remus had had it before me, with another guy. And, he and I were together for... six or seven months before I felt comfortable doing it, but... that was more so to do with my sexuality than anything else... we'd done other things a little while before that- but we took everything slow."

"Oh." Regulus nodded, "Had you been with anyone before Remus?"

Sirius thought about it for a moment, "I dated Mary McDonald for two weeks at fifteen, and she was my first kiss. But that's it."

"You had your first kiss at fifteen?" Regulus asked.

"Yes..." Sirius nodded, "Have you?"

Regulus nodded, "Only... well, about three weeks ago."

Sirius stilled, looked up to catch Regulus's eye in the reflection, "You only had your first kiss three weeks ago?"

"Yes." Regulus nodded once, "Don't stop, please, it looks good."

"Thank you." Sirius nodded and continued to work, "And that's okay too... I'm just shocked, I suppose... no matter what gender you were presenting as, you've always been quite dashing... take after me, of course. Not quite as gorgeous as I, but-"

"Oh, do shut up." Regulus rolled his eyes, "You're so full of yourself."

"Yes, well," Sirius shrugged, "when you go you're whole life with a family that constantly down play's you're achievements and tells you that you suck, you have to learn how to support yourself."

"I'm sorry." Regulus said past a swallow.

"Don't." Sirius shook their head, "I don't want to hear it. Without all that... drama, I wouldn't be the person I am today... and I happen to love myself very much."

"Well that's good."

"I do hope you love yourself too, Reggie." Sirius leant over to kiss the top of his head, "Life is so dull without self love, and you are wonderful."

"I thought you didn't want me to be sappy?"

"Yes, well..." Sirius shrugged, "I'm your big sibling... It's my job to make sure you're safe."

"It's not-"

"But it is." Sirius said with a simple smile, "And I do enjoy my job very much, so don't try to take it away from me. Besides, I was about to tell you how stupid you look with that chunk of hair sitting on your nose."

"Fuck off." Regulus rolled his eyes and flicked the hair away from his face.

"Gladly." Sirius pet his head with the scissors and continued to work, a new silence lulling over them.

"What about you're friends?" Regulus asked.

"Gosh." Sirius gasped and shook her head, "You're awfully talkative tonight."

"Sorry..." Regulus hung his head low, "Sorry, I'll stop-"

"Don't be stupid." Sirius scolded, "It's just in-ordinary for you... strange. You've always talked so little lately, I'd never been able to memorise what your voice sounded like... but now-"

"I get it." Regulus sighed, "I like having my sibling back... okay?"

Sirius whispered with a happy smile, "Okay."

"So... your friends?" Regulus asked, "Are they all... like you?"

Sirius shrugged, "Remus is... well, he doesn't really have a label for anything now that I think about it. Any time someone asks their gender he just tells them to fuck off, and if they ask his sexuality, he asks if they're trying to fuck them."

Regulus cracked an amused grin.

"Peter... he's bi romantic, which to him means he feels romantic attraction to multiple genders, but he only feels sexual attraction to men." Sirius hummed, "And Lily's lesbian... and, oh, Marl's is pan and polly- Mary's trans fem and I believe bisexual, but I don't know for sure since her transition started... oh, and James is 'unlabled', but he's just trying to be more aloof than I."

Regulus nodded and smiled, "Unlabled... but... does he..."

Sirius shrugged, "He takes whoever he fancies, and usually that's just a pretty person who has zero interest in him, whatsoever... take Lily for example. He was in love with her for years, but she's a lesbian. And he had a crush on Remus a year or two ago, and... well... Remus wanted me- it was no hard feelings. It was quite funny, really, he was just attracted to Remus and had no intentions on getting between them and I... it was a whole thing."

"So he likes... masculine people?"

"Yes, you can say that." Sirius nodded, "Why?"

Regulus turned a little pink.

Sirius kept cutting his hair, so she didn't notice.

"No reason." Regulus swallowed.

Sirius poked their tongue out as he chopped the last bit of hair, then fluffed it all out, "What do you think?"

Regulus swept some back from his eyes and smiled. He looked like himself, "I love it... thank you."

"Glad I could help." Sirius smiled brightly and grabbed a cloth to dust the hair off Regulus's shoulders, "Jame's should be home in a moment- Oh, he and Effie are going to freak out!"

"Oh, should I-" Regulus swallowed, "I thought you said they'd be okay with me living here for a while?"

"Yes." Sirius nodded and swatted Regulus with the towel, "They're all fine with it... I just didn't tell them much, yet... I just said you needed a place to stay for a bit. By the way, you are staying in my old room whilst I bunk with James, so... all my things will still be in there, so don't snoop."

Regulus smiled, "I would rather die than risk touching anything you and Remus have kissed near."

Sirius snickered, "Good luck sleeping on the bed then."

"Oh!" Regulus stood up with a huff and glared at Sirius, "You disgust me, you filthy animal!"

"Hey, that's what James said when he caught Remus and I making out on his bed."

"Oh, bloody hell." Regulus shook his head, "You're impossible."

"You love me." Sirius said with a proud lilt, "Anyway, what's this about you caring so much about James liking men, Reggie?"

"Nothing." Regulus pressed, turning red again.

"Regulus."

"He's pretty, alright!" Regulus almost shouted, "He has nice... eyes, and he's... fit."

Sirius looked at him blankly, "He's fit..? Jesus, Regulus. That's basically a marriage proposal for you, you like my best friend?"

Regulus rolled his eyes, "Were not doing this."

"Oh, yes we are." Sirius said.

"Nope." Regulus shook his head and walked out of the bathroom.

Sirius followed, "Absolutely we are."

"I'd rather die."

"So it's deeper!" Sirius gasped, "How long have you been ogling my best friend?"

"None of you're business."

"It absolutely is!" Sirius pointed a stern finger, following her brother around the place, "You are my brother, and he is my best friend!"

"Build a bridge, Sirius."

"Oh, fuck you, Reggie!" Sirius laughed, "Come on... tell me! Why won't you tell me? I'm just going to keep asking until you tell me!"

Regulus stopped dead in his tracks and turned around to look at Sirius, lent his hip on the kitchen island, "You really wanna know?"

"Yes." Sirius nodded.

"Everything?" He asked again.

Sirius grinned and nodded more, "Oh, absolutely."

"Fine." Regulus folded his arms and turned his chin up, "I've quite liked James for a while now... since you snuck him over for the first time when I was fourteen."

"Four-" Sirius shut themselves up and glared at Regulus, "You've been drooling over my best friend since fourteen?"

"Do you want to know, or not?"

"Yes, sorry." Sirius huffed.

"Well, I really quite like him now, and I think he may like me- which is why I asked if he liked men because... well, because I want to know if it was just because he thought I was a girl."

"Fair enough... go on." Sirius pushed, unsure weather he actually wanted to hear the rest of this because... well, because Jame's didn't like his brother... did he? Surely he would have told Sirius about it.

"And then..." Regulus huffed with a little smile and laugh, "Three weeks ago we bumped into eachother and he took my first kiss."

Sirius stared at him blankly.

"Well, my first... ten, or something." Regulus shrugged, "We made out, is what I'm trying to say."

Sirius still stared.

And luck would have it... the front door swung open and in strode James and Effie.

Sirius still just stood there like a fish out of water.

"Oh, Regulus-" James had started, but stopped with wide eyes when he noticed Regulus.

"Hi, James." Regulus smiled with a slight blush in his cheeks.

"Oh, dear," Effie walked over to him with a big smile, "it's lovely to have you here with us. I'm loving the new cut- girls that can-"

"No, Effie." Sirius managed to snap out of her trance enough to say, "Erm, Regulus is my brother."

"Oh." Effie said and looked back at Regulus, "Well, the hair cut suits you well, dear... highlights these lovely cheekbones- I keep telling Sirius she needs to pin their hair back sometimes to show them off more."

Regulus smiled, his heart feeling a little warmer at her instant acceptance, "Thank you."

"You like pumpkin soup, dear?"

Regulus nodded.

"Wonderful." Effie smiled and headed off to her room to freshen up.

"You're..." James was staring, just like Sirius had been- oh, nope, Sirius still was, "It looks- you look- erm..."

"Thank you, James." Regulus nodded, because he knew what James was trying to say.

"Oh, and congratulations." James quickly said, "For... figuring it out, I guess."

"Thanks." Regulus nodded again.

"Erm... why is Sirius staring at us like she's about to commit murder?"

"Oh, because I told him we made out." Regulus said with a simple shrug.

"Wh-"

"You betrayer!" Sirius shouted, charging at James, "You brother-fucker!"

James screamed and started running for his dear life, "I haven't fucked him yet!"

Sirius stopped dead in his tracks, "You haven't fucked him... yet?"

James swallowed, "Oh, shit."

Sirius was chasing him again, and Regulus found this to be the most amusing moment of his life.

Sirius managed to tackle James to the ground at Regulus's feet, and then they just started... play fighting?

"Do you mean it when you say yet, James?" Regulus asked, peering down at them by his feet.

James, who was pinned down on the ground and looking up at Regulus with Sirius's hands on his face, smiled wide and nodded, "If you'll have me-"

"No!" Sirius screamed, "He's just a boy- it's his first day of boyhood! You can't- Jame's... you're too much for him!"

James' winked up at Regulus and he felt his insides flutter.

Sirius shook James' face in her hands, "James you can't do this! I know you, you filthy creiten- he's pure! He's too pure for you!"

"Well, if you just-" James had started.

"Oh, Sirius..." Regulus said with a simple hum, "Is that not Remus outside?"

Sirius' head darted up and then they were on her feet and running for the door, "Remus?" He stepped outside, and then the door was slammed at his back.

He was trapped outside, with no Remus.

"Anyway." Regulus said, giving the door he just closed a few pats, "Now that they're gone, how about you show me your room, James?"

"Oh, yeah, sounds like a good idea to me." James scrambled to his feet and held out his hand for Regulus, "Wouldn't want to keep a beautiful man like you waiting."

"Thank you." Regulus smiled and nodded and let James lead him away.

"Mum will let you in!" James called out to Sirius, who just banged on the door with a dramatic whine in response.

Maybe Sirius was right... Regulus was going to be okay, after all. He had his sibling back, a house to call a home, and James on his arm... what more could he want?

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remusslove · 2 years

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Hiii it's me again :D I really enjoyed "Cheer up" fic and i was wondering if you can write another fic about little Regulus and Little James comforting their mommy after smth sad or a long day? Like they see her tears and they're like "GASP! NO >:'(" so they make it their mission to see her smile

Only if you can ofc! Don't overwork urself and feel free to ignore this if you feel like you don't want to write it!

thank you! <33

Comforting mommy~ james potter and regulus black

Thank you for the request and I would love to write any of your ideas!

Includes age regression, little!james, little!regulus, cg!reader, tooth rotting fluff

It was a very tiring day for you, you been waking up at six am all week just to make time for classes, quidditch practice, and helping first years as assistant prefect. You were exhausted all week and the boys noticed, but what really topped the cake was when professor Slughorn announced in class yesterday that there was gonna be a surprise test.

You stayed up till 4am studying and trying to make Reggie and James fall asleep after both of them getting nightmares, sending them into headspace. But finally, it was Friday which meant last day of this stressful week. “Mama!” Reggie and Jamie chorused between their pacifiers. “Hi my loves how was class?” You asked giving them a kiss on the forehead.

“Good mama Minnie gave us a star since we got %100’s on our tests!” Reggie said content. “Mommy are you ok?” James asked worried. “Yeah Baby just a Little tired that’s all” you said reassuringly before letting out a yawn. “Mama! If your tired you should take a nap!” Reggie pouted at your antics.

“I’m fine little one, besides I need to take you guys to go get your favorite candies from hogsMeade since you guys did so good on your tests” you said reassuring the other little. “Do that tomorrow mama, today we gonna take care of you! Right Reggie?” James said grinning . Regulus just nodded smiling happily when you sat down on the bed with them.

Not even 10 minutes later you felt yourself relax. “I love you both so much, such good boys for me” You praised making their hearts flutter. “No problem mama!” James said smiling. “Mhm, it’s our job to make our mommy happy.” Regulus agreed.

#little james potter #james potter #james fleamont potter #james potter blurb #james potter fanfiction #james potter fluff #james potter x reader #james potter x y/n #james potter x you #sub james potter #regulus x you #little regulus black #regulus x y/n #regulus fanfiction #regulus fluff #regulus x reader #poly!reader #poly!jegulus #poly!relationship

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marauders-but-chaotix · 6 months

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regulus has always hated halloween. he can't explain why. however, after 1981, he knew no one could force him to celebrate halloween for the rest of his life.

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mischievovstar · 1 year

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jegulus spiderman au <3

ac by regglilbean on twitter!

you can read with great powers comes great responsibility on ao3!

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murderoushagthesequel · 9 months

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The Real Regulus

from @jegulus-microfic's prompt, silver (350 words)

this microfic is very vaguely inspired by this one scene in the tv show Lupin but i wont say anything else for fear of spoilers. if you've seen it you'll know what i'm talking about. enjoy!

James feels severely out of place. There are candles at every table, the silverware is made of pure silver, huge crystal chandeliers hang from the ceilings. The walls are full of large mirrors with silver frames. Even the menu is intimidating; James has never heard of half the foods listed. He feels underdressed and overall uncomfortable.

He begins to question why he decided to come here in the first place. And then he looks across the table and sees him. Not the cold and sharply beautiful cutthroat businessman everybody sees him as, but Regulus. Regulus, the kind-hearted man who met James at the grocery store of all places.

Regulus who smiles across at him and makes the whole fancy silver plated over-air conditioned restaurant seem warm. James looks at that smile and knows he’s never made a better choice in his life. He was so lucky to have found somebody so incredible, he can’t let him go now. So he lets go of his discomforts in favour of hoping the date goes well.

“The food here isn’t even that good,” Regulus admits halfway through the dinner. “I just needed to come here for appearances. You wanna get chicken tenders and ice cream after?” he asks, hiding his giggle behind a flower pot.

“Absolutely I do,” James grins in reply, happy to not have to finish his daunting meal, and feeling more relaxed than he has the whole night.

And so they do. They run out of the restaurant and Regulus throws his tie on the sidewalk and unbuttons his shirt, repeating the same motions on James.

“Hey, I paid for that!” James laughs, being tugged along my Regulus.

“I’ll buy you a new one!” he replies. They go and get greasy chicken in the sketchiest part of town and get cotton candy ice cream afterwards. It’s not at all what James expected when he walked into that stuffy restaurant a few hours before, but it only reassures him that he knows the real Regulus. And the papers and the public are wrong about the greatest man James has ever met.

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railingsofsorrow · 9 months

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promises of forever & some more

[regulus black x james potter]

summary: a jegulus blurb inspired by this hc or... in which regulus sees something new on james’ chest.

pairing: r.a.black x j.f.potter

w.c: 1.1K

warnings/content: mentions of needles and trypanophobia; tattoos; insecurities; crying; old married couple vibes; love promises; sunseeker being the loml; wolfstar (mentioned); probably typos.

A/N: i was feeling blue and decided to write this one. thank you to the 504 people who follow me <3 I have a celebration currently available!! so make requests 😺

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“when did you do this?” regulus asks with his hand grazing against james chest, causing the older boy to shiver slightly. not that the touch wasn't always welcomed but his boyfriend's hands were always so cold.

humming into his curls, james says “about three days ago.” his hands still working on playing with the dark strands. the atmosphere was calm, filled with their quiet breathing and soft mumbling. james could feel himself fall asleep until reggie touched his bare chest, awakening him. he knew exactly what he was referring to.

james had done a tattoo a few weeks ago. it was nothing much, that's why he didn't thought about mentioning it. the only one who knew was sirius because, well, sirius had tattooed it. honestly, james didn't know who else he would trust to draw permanently a constellation on his chest. he might not have been a sucker for astronomy, but his childhood was filled by it — he quite literally is a star — and he had a wide knowledge about constellations. the only other person he could trust on this topic was regulus. but regulus couldn't know. not at the moment, at least.

he wanted to do it by himself, out of his own will. that's why he didn't put much thought into it when he arrived at canis tattoo parlor. he went to visit sirius so they could have lunch together, as usual. except that, when his eyes locked into the outline of the leo constellation among other stars in the wall, he couldn't think anything else but I want it engraved on me.

that's a piece of the person he loves the most. that's his favourite star, the first spot he searches for when he looks up at the sky. it couldn't be any different.

“you want what?”

“this one. in my chest,” james said, pointing at the image on the wall. “can you do it?”

the metal clicking of the materials halted and james looked at sirius, expectantly. sirius was just staring at him with an unreadable gaze. “you don't have a tattoo. and you don't want to have a tattoo. you're scared of needles.”

“so?”

sirius’ eyebrows rose up to his hairline. “so... this quite literally requires a needle sticking into your skin repeatedly?” he chuckled, shaking his head as if something was really funny inside his head. the metal noise came back, he was finishing organising the materials so they could head out. “okay, I see. did remus put you up to this? did you made a bet again—”

“what? no.” james cut him off, annoyance cracking his voice. “nobody put me up to anything, I just want it. on my chest. forever.” I want him close to me for eternity.

sirius blinked up at him. he stared at him with confusion when clearance smoothed out his features.

“okay, prongs.” he said as if he understood. “sit down and let's start. don't go crying on me, yeah?”

james didn't cry.

maybe he shed a tear or two — or ten — but he didn't cry. the discomfort was worth every bit, though. it's just how he wanted it. at the left part of his chest, where his heart laid pulsing. the regulus star at the very center of his heart.

“why?”

“what do you mean why?” james’ voice escaped as a whisper.

a pause.

“it's glued to your skin, james.” regulus retracted a bit to look into his eyes, collecting every inch of his orbs in memory as if he would ever be able to forget. james saw a flash of something in his eyes but he couldn't pinpoint what it was yet. sadness mixed with another emotion. “you can't wash it off once you get tired of it. it's—it will be forever on your skin.” reg tried to get his point across without sounding too harsh. james knew he was trying to hold himself back. there was some frustration now that he thought about it.

“do you think I didn't know what the process of having a tattoo requires?” james poked his cheek, finger running down to his chin afterwards. regulus leaned into his touch absentmindedly. “that was the reason, reg. I wanted it glued on me. I wanted it engraved on my skin forever.”

regulus pursed his lips in thought, james could see the crease of doubt between his brows. the uncertainty in his gray eyes. he waited to hear but why. why would you want it on you forever?

you can't wash it off once you get tired of it.

I don't want to.

james frowned as silence overtook them again. “reg.” he called, curling a hand around his wrist and bringing it into his lips. “hey, can you look at me, love?” when he did, james let out a sigh upon seeing the wet eyelashes. “i love you.” he kissed one eyelid. “I love you.” then the other one. reg refrained from grinning but he failed. “i love you. and it's not going to go away, reg. it's here and it will be here for as long as... I don't even know. my love for you is not defined by time. the moment I met you, I accepted the meaning of spending the rest of my life by your side. it never scared me, it was always a choice that I made and that I'm going to be making until our old days when we both have bad sight and we can't bend our knees to suck each other off anymore.”

he earned a slap on his chest and regulus’ surprised laugh echoed through the bedroom. james’ eyes sparkled with joy.

“you know I'll just lay you down on the couch and—” a kiss shut him up and he folded right there. regulus groaned into his mouth.

“stop.” regulus begged. “i got your point.”

“oh, I hope you did.”

regulus’ eyes softened slightly. “the leo constellation, really, james?”

a coat of red painted james’ cheeks and neck, which made regulus smile mischievously.

“i like it.”

“do you now?”

james huffed, turning his face away like a five year old would to their parent. “you're being mean, black.”

regulus cupped both of his cheeks so james would face him again. and he connected their lips as if he had never done it before. james lost his breath but he didn't dare split apart. he could kiss regulus until his lungs vanished into thin air. who needs lungs anyway?

“only for you, potter.” regulus mumbled and pecked his lips again, hand falling to his boyfriend's chest, where the tattoo laid. “only for you.”

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A/N: james likes a meanie <3 + sirius having a tattoo parlor is very personal to me.

#jegulus fluff #sunseeker fanfic #starchaser blurb #jegulus blurb #jegulus fanfiction #regulus black x james potter #jegulus

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fancyregulus · 1 year

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It's (Not) My Party But I'll Cry if I Want To

I have started dabbling in writing fanfic once again. And of course this first Marauders one is for Jegulus because why not? I didn't mean to make this one angsty but that's how the pizza pies sometimes. There's some cheesy Wolfstar sprinkled on top though.

Word Count: 1180

Anyways this prompt was inspired by the following line of dialogue from the show 'Wednesday': "I want us to be more than friends." "You'll snap out of it."

“For he’s a jolly good fellow, for he's a jolly good fellow!”

James bellows at the top of his lungs along with the rest of the Gryffindors who had gathered in the Common Room around the comically tall cake topped with a frightening amount of lit candles for how drunk those surrounding it were.

“For he’s a jolly good fellow! Which nobody can deny!”

Sirius giggles and sways near the birthday cake. His face is a rosy pink, not from embarrassment, rather from all the alcohol he has quite impressively ingested before 9:00pm. Remus is standing right beside Sirius, a firm hand on the birthday boy’s back, steadying him. James and Remus have a bet on whether Sirius was going to make it to midnight. James feels pretty good about his chances of becoming a sickle richer when the clock strikes twelve. He takes another swig of the drink in his hand.

Everyone watches as Sirius unsuccessfully tries blowing out all of his candles at once.

Everyone laughs as Remus steps in to hold his hair back so he doesn’t light himself on fire.

Everyone except for him.

James locks his gaze on the boy in the corner, arms crossed and pulling a green cardigan tight around him. He must have just snuck in the door, and he looks back towards it now as if contemplating a quick escape. James will see to it that that won’t happen. Before James knows it, he downs his drink and his feet are leading him to the dark corner where his… James falters. Ex-boyfriend, ex-fling, ex-secret – none of those seem to fit. His ex-something.

He leans against the wall beside Regulus, hoping he looks more casual than he feels. “I didn’t think you’d come tonight,” James states bluntly.

“Well I came, didn’t I?” Regulus huffs, a small bite to his tone.

James raises his eyebrows. “That you did.”

They stand in silence for a few moments, scanning the scene in front of them. Lily and Mary have taken point on cutting the cake, working like a well oiled machine to pass slices throughout the crowded room. Peter had been manning the record player, which just started playing ‘Waterloo’ by ABBA, causing Remus to go over there and take over the DJ duties, much to the chagrin of a group of fourth year girls who had been dancing giddily.

“Don’t tell Remus, but I actually love ABBA,” James muses to Regulus, who stays silent. James doesn’t like long uncomfortable silences, even when he is the cause of them. So he continues. “Why did you come?”

Regulus flinches, ever so slightly, that no one else would have noticed. James notices. Just as slightly, Regulus’ voice wavers when he replies, “To wish my idiot brother a happy birthday. Don’t worry, I won’t be staying long.”

With that, Regulus pushes off from the wall towards Sirius, who exclaims excitedly when he sees his little brother. James finds himself alone. He shouldn’t be as surprised as he is. Remus locks eyes with James from across the room and just looks at him sadly. Remus had been the only one to know about James and Regulus, as James certainly couldn’t have told Sirius about them. Them. Whatever they were.

What a beautiful idea, for James and Regulus to be thought of together. James aches to return to that.

James doesn’t see Regulus again during the party. He tries not to think about him either. He had been trying for a few days now, but Merlin knows how well that had been going.

Before James knew it, the music had quieted and the crowds had dispersed. James had long been sobered up at this point. The clock strikes twelve and James watches as Remus picks up a snoring Sirius off the floor. His eyes flutter open long enough to see it was Remus before closing them again and mumbling some drunken nonsense, wrapping his arms around Remus like a sloth on a branch.

“I guess you won the bet after all,” Remus chuckles lightly, trying to lighten the mood. “Let me get this one up to bed and I’ll come help you clean up,” Remus offers.

James waves his hand. “S’fine,” he says. “You stay with the birthday boy. I can take care of all this.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, now go on then.”

“Right, mate.” Remus begins ascending the stairs to their dorm room. “I’m sorry, by the way, about… you know.”

James tenses, but he doesn’t respond as he watches Remus and Sirius finally disappear. Once he is alone, he sits with his elbows on his knees and head in his hands. He has no idea how he’d ended up here. Sirius’ birthday bash is supposed to be the best night of the year, one where he and his friends get so drunk they don’t have a care in the world. Instead he’d spent it pining over Sirius’ brother. Someone who James cares about more than the world.

Before he could start spiraling again, James stands from his chair and begins scooping cups and plates into a trash bag.

“You want some help with that?”

The sound of Regulus’ voice sends a shock of electricity down James’ spine. Oh, how he wishes that he wasn’t so easily affected by Regulus Black.

James has no clue where Regulus came from. Or why he came back at all. He wants so desperately to know, but he refuses to ask. All that comes out of James’ mouth is, “Sure.” As Regulus starts to place the pillows back on the couch where they belong, James wishes so badly that he would’ve said no. They work in silence for a few moments. James doesn’t break it this time.

“You’re a good friend to stick it out for cleanup duty.”

“Regulus…”

“I was talking to Pandora tonight-” he continues, not looking up at James.

“We don’t have to pretend to get along.”

“What if I’m not pretending?”

James goes still at Regulus’ words, the weight of them heavier than James can bear.

“You can’t say that. You don’t get to say that. Not after everything you said before.”

He needs to get out of here. He can’t risk falling for this again. For him again. His feet keep him planted to the spot, seemingly against his better judgment.

“You can’t be my friend, Regulus! I want us to be more than friends.”

A look that James can’t identify flashes in Regulus’ eyes too quickly. James doesn’t like it. Regulus has always been hard to read, and he’s become even more difficult to discern lately. James just doesn’t understand. They had seemed like they were on the same wavelength for a while there. It had been a good time. Plenty of secret meetings in coat closets and empty classrooms. Laughter among friends about inside jokes that only they understood. The memories warm James up from the inside out.

“You’ll snap out of it,” Regulus whispers, his words so void of emotion that it pulls the warmth right out of James. “Everyone does sooner or later.”

#jegulus #one shot #drabble #blurbs #idk what the kids are calling em these days #marauders #james potter #james potter pov #regulus black #wolfstar #remus lupin #sirius black

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dumbremuslupinstan · 2 years

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It’s just a fan fiction it can’t hurt me. Then it’s a Canon compliant wolfstar/jegulus fic.

#marauders #atyd remus #james & peter & remus & sirius #remus loves sirius #remus lupin #atyd sirius #sirius orion black #sirius being sirius #james potter #lily james #lily potter #peter pettigrew #james potter blurb #wolfstar #jegulus

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arzrchives · 4 months

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BLUE AND GOLD

dear stranger i made eye contact with at the gas station mini-market

i think i was dancing, i'm not sure.

the cashier slid my gum and dollar store liner barcode

she looked back at my face covered in blue glitter eye-makeup - smeared all over my face like a flat palm had just been smothering it snuffing it rubbing it in and maybe that's exactly what that was but i don't think we're close enough for this

she looked at my jaw that was too sharp and my body that was too angular and my hunched back and i gave her my biggest grin. she recoiled - i think i scared her. stranger,

had i scared you too?

i let a hiccup loosen and hoped she'd know i was drunk enough for what i was about to do next

i twirled and twirled and twirled

and twirled and you know i always liked that about being publicly sedated. you could do anything you wanted and blame it on the alcohol warming your stomach and people would just brush you off like lint off their jackets. you could walk someplace and scream loud as anything and go 'it's alright. i'm drunk. don't call the police yeah? this isn't who i am. i'm just drunk.'

i don't think i'm hiding behind it, you know. i just think that it's exactly who i am - a he she they it twirling by a cash register with fingertip marks around my neck glowing uv blue.

i was with some guy before deciding to come by the gas station market and stuff my face full of sharp cinnamon gum. think he had a thing for he she they its, ha. he'd twirled a curl between his fingers and grinned like a kid underneath a christmas tree. kids never care to gently unwrap gifts, you know? they tear them into bits in all the excitement because the gift is where it's at and forget the wrapping flat on the floor. he was no kid, stranger, but he acted like one. know what that means? it means that he'd expected a gift to be waiting beneath the torn wrapping paper but it was just a void. it was just a void. it was just a void. it was just a void.

was that my fault? i'd let him down, i think. he'd grabbed me by my neck when he realized i had nothing to offer and thrown me off the bed because his gift box was empty and i hurried into the bathroom to hurl my guts and then calmly change back into my party clothes (they have stars all over them, you know? they glow uv blue too) and by the time i was out he was mumbling in his sleep and

the sheets were on the floor

i was used to walking out of storms just as well

i ran down to the store

i held my drink in a paper-bag and i held it close to my fucking heart because liquid does not care about landing splashing into a void but solids do. solids feel impact. you know? you know?

anyway. my point is. his eyes were bloodshot just as mine were. we were two mirrors devouring one another. do you understand? it was fucking delicious. do you understand?

so you can imagine my face when i'd looked up and seen yours staring back at me. a drink in a plastic bag tucked close to your heart and gold glitter smeared all over your face.

'you two are quite the sight, aren't you,' the cashier at the register laughed. she laughed. that face that was once twisted in disgust was now amused, entertained. do you understand? one person in ruins is something no one wants to ever look at. two people in ruins will make you laugh and wonder. oh those idiots. oh those foolish idiots who have gotten themselves in the same mess. it will be funny. do you understand? you were not a mirror, at least i don't think you were. a mirror smacks me across the face because everytime i will my own hand to do it, it stops inches away from my cheek.

i'm not quite sure what you were. you were something that looked like me, only it glowed. you weren't mirroring my pain. you were a billboard with every shade of pain printed in big bold TOUCHING ME WITH YOUR NAKED HANDS WILL NEVER CHANGE THE FACT THAT I NEVER LEARNED HOW TO CLOTHE THIS BODY. TOUCHING ME WITH A HAND THAT'S NEVER BEEN SHEATHED WILL NOT MAKE MY PERPETUALLY UNSHEATHED SKIN PURE. YOU CANNOT SAVE ME BECAUSE I DO NOT WANT TO BE SAVED. I AM ONLY ASKING YOU NOT TO FLINCH WHEN YOU LOOK AT ME, UNSHEATHED, AND KNOW THAT I'VE TASTED MY WAY TO PERGATORY AND CAME BACK DOWN WITH A BODY THAT WILL FOREVER REMAIN THIS DIRTY.

it was just the price i had to pay, you know? i wanted to live so badly. i suppose it's ironic then that you can't press your tongue to life and expect the foul taste to dissolve in your mouth. i suppose you'll just have to swallow it over and over and over and over until your throat dries out and you're throwing up your own regret.

could you love me still when you know i would choose to pay the price again if only just to taste you? would you have taken my lips into your own, bitter tongue to bitter tongue, and swallowed it down just the same? will you choose it too?