#Bruce getting into therapy because his dead parents said they were proud of him and he didnt know how to handle that
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Dpx Dc AU: Ectoplasm is required for Ghosts to be visible to the human eye- And Danny creates his own ectoplasm.
Danny is visiting Jazz in Gotham and its weird how friendly everyone is. Like, the city gets a really bad rapport, everywhere he goes there is someone trying to strike up a conversation or answer his questions about getting around to the tourist spots. A few people even pointed out restaurants and ways to find off the beaten path gems! Jazz seems to role her eyes at him, but when he brings up her 'roommate' being kind of cute she flat out laughs.
Danny then comes to understand the Jazz doesn't have a roommate and that Ghosts in Gotham don't move far from their haunts- He's just been inadvertently turning these undead folks visible by accident of generating abnormal amounts of ectoplasm.
Which, is comforting in a way, he's never walking this dangerous city alone and really, most of the ghosts have been really friendly! They disappear once he's a few blocks away from them anyway.
---
Tim Drake is having a horrible day.
He'd been given intel that one of Black Mask's guys was going to snitch but that he'd died before given the opportunity to reach out to the GCPD. He tracks down the guy's last know whereabouts and yikes. Its next to the Theater. Tim was often grateful for his childhood obsessions, this time it backfired.
Tim and Bruce get into an argument about trust and respect and, worst of all, mental health. And even though Tim was vehemently against Batman accompanying Red Robin to the alleyway - that's exactly what happens.
They arrive and Bruce is closing up faster than a clam in the contaminated Gotham Bay- Clearly being in the Alley bothers him. No fucking shit. RR gets started on collecting evidence, there are a few extra blood splatters and a single left shoe... When a kid walks into the Alley.
"Uh, sorry to intrude-" The kid looks scared shitless, and runs away. And then, all of a sudden, Batman and Robin aren't alone in the Alley.
Tim can hardly believe his eyes as the dead man appears and quickly blabs Black Mask's bank passwords and what the plan had been- and While he's over joyed to have that closure, he turns around to Batman weeping in the arms of his parents.
The ghosts fade, and the emotions are certainly charged as this was never something Bruce or Tim would have ever dreamed of happening. Ghosts in Gotham. Talking, floating, granting closure.
"RR, Bats, come in." Oracle calls into their ears.
"Reporting in, but, uh, we need a minute."
"A minute? We have a case on 4th and-"
"O, we just saw the ghosts of the Waynes. It's going to be a minute."
"...Lots of Ghost reports lately then. Any chance you saw a kid looking like he could be adopted?"
"Yeah, actually, black hair and blue eyes. He was super polite before he ran away."
"We have work to do. Oracle, lets prioritize finding our person of interest and divert Nightwing and Robin to the case on 4th." Batman cut between them on the comms and he sounded... calmer than either of them anticipated.
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Jazz is no longer laughing when Batman appears at her door explaining that he's looking for Danny (Who already flew away from town to get a good night's sleep before class on Monday). Turns out Danny reunited the man with his dead parents just briefly- and then the second guy appears and mentions how Danny had also given a guy who'd been murdered by a Mob enough time to explain the ongoing threats the city faced.
Jazz just rolls her eyes and says that it's not like the ghosts are going anywhere anytime soon and Danny will visit in another month. When pressed, she just explains that her brother is a weirdo. No of course he doesn't have powers. Gaslight and Girlbosses her way out.
And Jazz thinks that the game is up for at least another month, obviously when Danny visits more shit will stir up, but then this new guy appears.
Unlike the other Bats who are keen on watching her from a distance, the Red Hood knocks on her door. Are her eyebrows all the way into her hairline when Red Hood asks her to send his thanks along to Danny because somehow this whole situation led to his Dad expressing remorse for his actions and apologizing? Yes, yes they are.
But Jazz can smell Dissertation Data off of these vigilantes- Who is she to send them away? Jazz welcomes Red Hood into her place for a cup of tea and a small chat.
The story then devolves into Jazz getting shit done, Danny being cute by proximity and also bringing ghosts to the party, and the Bats having trauma resolve between them.
#dcxdp#dpxdc#dc x dp#dp x dc#danny phantom#dc crossover#dp crossover#long post#danny can make ghosts appear like they do in amity but only for a short while and when in proximity to him#its not apparent in amity because the ghosts are just like that there#Danny just having a good time#Danny having zero brain cells about this whole thing and neither he nor jazz will offer explanations#they're just like 'gotham has ghosts. its not like he put them there'#Bruce getting into therapy because his dead parents said they were proud of him and he didnt know how to handle that#bruce having to turn this energy around somehow and seeing jason - my boy i love you so much and im so sorry and im so proud of you#heres the thing i dont know how i made it anger management ship at the end but i sure as fuck did.#jason is at a lack of words at bruce's confessions of pride and love but is also about to be a BAT about this and track down info#info in the form of a cute girl#oh yeah she has a brother#uh well#he has brothers too- this is fine#someone write this fic pls n thx u
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The Criminal Psychology Majors, Jason Todd x Fem!Reader Part 8/?
Word Count: 1.6k
Author’s Note: Y/N - Your Name, A/N - Any Name (Your Best Friend’s Name)
This one is shorter because of the last one’s length.
Hi everyone! By the time you see this, I will probably be out and therefore cannot update the other parts with this one’s link, so don’t worry about that if you notice it.
Warnings: Swearing, Mentions of Jason’s Trauma and his Death, Lightning, no beta bitch we die like Jason Todd
(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5) (Part 6) (Part 7) (Part 8) (Part 9) (Part 10) (Part 11) (Part 12) (Part 13) (Part 14) (Part 15) (Part 16) (Part 17) (Part 18) (Part 19) (Part 20)
Going on day 5 of knowing each other, Jason and Y/N would spend the day apart. Why? Because they gave each other the chance to have family time, Jason got it by playing around with his baby siblings, playing Assassin.
Fluff Head canon came from frownyalfred on Tumblr, who wrote about Jason playing Assassin with his brothers
He would go running through the halls playing the game that he and Dick knew all too well, it had been the only ‘no contact’ game they were allowed to play at a summer camp Bruce had sent them to all those years ago when they weren’t adults with a bunch of other siblings, and girlfriends. But here they were, explaining the game to their younger siblings while Alfred and Bruce hung out with Barbara, who wished she could play, but was paralyzed.
Everyone missed playing games with her like they used to, but with the video game consoles in the house they did transfer a lot of their gaming to online so they could relive memories with Barbs. It was bittersweet, and everyone remembered when she became paralyzed like it was yesterday, but she always wanted them to play games like they used to, with or without her.
Jason admired his, hopefully, one day older sister for how she treated her disability, like it was a gift, not something that impacted her everyday life and made her have to hang up the cloak of Batgirl.
But running around chasing after Dick, because of course, he got Dick, the universe wanted them to play again, was something he missed so much. They hadn’t had so much of this time, family time, ever since they all became vigilantes, and they never realized how much they missed the thrill of running around with each other.
Jason ended up getting Dick and throwing him out of the game, calling it a ‘selfless act of brotherhood so you can hang out with your girl’ and they both laughed at it. Titus, Damien’s dog, ended up barking up a storm at Jason when he killed Dick, like the big dog was rooting for Dick to win the tournament.
“Down boy! It’s a game!” Jason would whisper-yell at his dog.
“Yeah! Good boy, Titus! Get him!”
“No!” Jason would yell while running throughout the house, Titus on his heels. Passing by Alfred, Bruce and Barbara, where Titus would stop and go lay at Bruce’s feet, but Jason didn’t know that.
Jason would end up coming in just 10 minutes later, with a green slash on his neck. Tim, who had pulled Cass but killed her, Cass, who had pulled Jason. Tim now had two kills in the game and both were to people who could have easily overpowered him.
“Jase! Welcome to the land of the dead,” Dick greeted him.
“God dammnit I’ve already been here,” Jason whined in a joke.
“You and your ‘I died pity me’ jokes,” Barbara said.
“It’s called a coping mechanism, Barbs. And hi dad, Alfred,” Jason said as he waved slightly at both of them, Alfred waved back and Bruce nodded at him.
“You could just to go therapy, Jase,” Barbara said, seeming concerned for someone who she considered her baby brother. She remember when he came into the Manor, she was older than him, sure . But he had nightmares and she and Dick would switch between who would sleep at his door at night, they both had terrible backs until the nightmares calmed down. Jason never knew they did this.
It also happened when he was resurrected, but the nightmares were worse and he’d wake all sweaty and upset. There were too many nights where batkids would be in Jason’s bed with him from 12am to when Alfred would greet them in the morning. The nightmares had slowed down a lot in the past few years with the introduction of his Goddaughter into his life, but they still came by to remind him of what happened.
He didn’t talk about it much. They would always try to edge him on about about really happened, but he was stubborn. It made sense, sure, trauma is trauma. But they all wanted to help him get better. It hurt them all that he was hurting and they didn’t know how to help him get through it.
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Y/N would sit on her bed that morning and finally finished organizing her criminal psychology and regular psychology notes when she came across her printed copy of Dr. Barry Allen’s dissertation she had studied so hard. She found it so weird that she was so close to someone who she looked up to in the field while also being so far in the same breath.
She didn't dote on it for long, she stocked it away with her forensics notes in their place. This, the relationship she had with Jason that intertwined her with so many people, was something she was getting used to by the minute, but it was never something she’d get fully used to as time goes on.
She would put on a JCS - Criminal Psychology video in the background as she worked and tried to make her journal look nicer when Jason texted her,
Good morning. He said.
Good morning :) She said back.
I just lost a game against a 16 year old.
Huh?
My brothers and 2 of my sisters were playing Assassins with me right? Well my 16 year old brother, Tim, he ended up getting the better of me and beat me.
Oh! So you suck!
What!? No, I’m literally so cool what do you mean? He said, it clearly had sarcasm undertones to it, so Y/N wasn’t worried if she offended him with saying he sucked.
Oh yeah? Then why’d you lose?
Well, I killed Dick.
Okay so you didn’t lose, Dick lost.
It started raining a little bit, the sounds of it hitting lightly against her window, and she felt at peace. It was never hard for her to feel peace when she was by herself. She only had one roommate because she liked the silence, to be alone to collect her own thoughts in her head.
Her parents said it was because she probably had underlying mental illness that they never had the money to diagnose. She agreed. But she still didn’t have the chance to do it.
Jason and her deserved so much more than what the world have given them up to this point, so when they found each other it was, in a way, the universe saying ‘I’m sorry, you deserve this’ and with each passing day it made the pain they had both felt in their lives just a little bit more tolerable.
No, I guess Dick sucks at the game more than me.
Where’d you even get the concept for that game?
Dick and I used to play it at a Summer Camp before we got kicked out.
For playing the game?
No, for being unruly children.
You seem like you were a handful back in the day.
I was, I was the worst kid to raise, my dad has a shirt that says ‘Proud parent of a kid who is sometimes an asshole but that’s OK’ and he wears it all the time.
What a dad moment. Don’t tell my father that shirt exists, he’ll get one for my mum and himself to represent my sister and I.
Were you an unruly child as well?
I was a troublemaker. Getting into arguments with my authoritative figures about dress codes, rules, why girls couldn’t carry chairs, literally anything that was unequal, I was at their throats about it.
I mean, as you should. My older sister, Barbara, and my younger sisters, Stephanie and Cassie, they would like that about you.
I feel like in someway I’ve won over every part of your family.
The rain would get more violent as time went on. Strikes and hits of lightning would strike all around the city, hitting those gargoyles on every building, she always figured they were decorative, but A/N explained that their horns were made out of copper so people wouldn’t get struck by lightning. Bruce Wayne actually made that a thing, A/N said.
Y/N got a message from the dance competition that she signed up to, turns out, California was hit with a hurricane and most people evacuated. No one was allowed in or out. She guessed weather was being funky everywhere. It sucked, but she already was wishing she could spend time at home instead of out in the world.
A feeling she hated.
She would spend the rest of the day on and off the phone with Jason while it stormed. She would go to bed early that night.
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Jason slipped on his vigilante uniform, the Red Hood was going to be on patrol over this night, stormy or not, it was his duty and he knew that. Did he want to go? Yes. He was killing for some action and he was going with Dick. They would probably have some ‘Bro Time’ which Jason wanted.
Even if it was silence, having Dick nearby him meant enough and gave him peace of mind.
He grabbed his guns and loaded them while packing a few extra magazines in his belt, when Dick placed a hand on his shoulder, “You have to be careful tonight, Jase,” Dick said as he gulped down tears, “Just come back to me alive if you break off from me, okay?”
“Alive but bruised,” Jason joked.
“I’m serious. I can’t lose you again and tonight is going to be massively dangerous.”
“You won’t.”
#jason todd#jason todd x reader#jason todd x fem!reader#jason todd x y/n#jason todd x you#jason todd fluff#red hood#red hood x reader#red hood x fem!reader#red hood x y/n#red hood x you#red hood fluff#dick grayson#nightwing#batfam#batfamily#batbros#barbara gordon#stephanie brown#cassandra cain#cassandra wayne#tim drake#damien wayne#alfred pennyworth#bruce wayne#batman#dcu#dceu#dc
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Therapy
“Anthony, please tell me why you are here.”
“Tony is just fine. We don’t need the whole Anthony.”
“Anthony, please tell me.” This lady was going to make him want to jump out the window. Rhodey said therapy would be good. It will help you move on from after that happened. Tony huffed and crossed his arms. This was going to be a long two hours. “Well I am here because I have anxiety, signs of depression. Suicidal tendencies, use to have alcohol addiction. Work alcoholic, irregular sleep patterns, heartache, repressed feelings that have been around for twenty-five years. Am I missing anything? Oh, that’s right PTSD after flying a nuke into an alien portal resulting everyone to live. So yeah doc. You going to fix me.” Tony took a deep breath trying to keep his composure without completely breaking down. The therapist didn't say anything for ten minutes and just kept scribbling on her note pad. Tony leaned forward trying to see what was being written but his efforts were interrupted.
“Let’s start at the beginning. Tell me a little about your childhood.” Tony rolled his eyes once again. This lady was going to tell him he had daddy issues and blah blah blah. This wasn’t his first go around with therapy and most likely won’t be his last. He often went every three years because someone would worry about him. This time was no different. “Doc. Let’s skip the chit chat. You know me and probably heard my whole life story more than once on some docuseries. I have issues but it’s not from childhood. Those issues were taken care of about three or four sessions ago.” Therapist leaned over and place her notepad down and had the look of a women ready to tell him to get his head out of his ass. “Tony, do you want to know why I call you Anthony because Tony Stark is the person on tv. Not the man in my office. I see the walls. I see the fidgeting. I see everything. And yeah, I know some stuff because it’s public knowledge. But here’s the thing I don’t know you. So cut the crap and let me help you.” Tony was taken aback and kind of impressed. No therapist was willing to actually help him. More to just put a band aid on all of his issues. Tony laid down on the couch and crossed his arms of his chest. “Okay, let’s start at the beginning. My father was an abusive, drunken asshole that for some reason I look up to. Even though he’s been dead for twenty-five years I still want to make him proud.”
“Once, I escaped the cave I just knew I need to be better. That’s how Ironman came to be. That suit and I are one” Tony was now pacing back and forth of the room. A sign of pure anxiety he was trying to swallow because if he was being honest with himself this was really helping. “Tony, you have to remember that you are Anthony Stark. The person that no one sees behind close doors and Ironman is the persona. It’s a mask. Why do you feel you and Ironman are one?” Tony sucked in a deep breath and turned his back on her. This was his struggle. All his life he felt like a disappointment. A nobody but with Ironman he felt safe and a somebody. He felt like a hero. He knew he was more then a suit he was a hero in his own right. Steve reminded him that. Tony closed his eyes and rubbed the spot on his chest where his heart was. It still hurt.
“When I met the avengers, I was getting a lot better. I was working on making the world greener and was living in the Stark tower with Pepper. First meetings weren’t fun. Steve Rogers was an ass, but can you blame the guy. He just came out of ice and was force to stay in a cabin that he didn’t know where he was.” Tony laugh to himself remembering that horrible suit he was wearing that day. “We got into each other’s face all day that day. He was so uptight. Couldn’t even take a joke. If you knew Cap now you wouldn’t think those two men were the same people. Did you know Cap was the first face I saw when I woke from falling from the sky? He looked so tire and his eyes were so blue.” Tony lost focus just staring out of the window remembering that moment. “Excuse me, Tony, could you tell me about your relationship with the other avengers?” Tony snapped back in and turned to look at her. “Well, Bruce is a good friend. Super smart. Lived in the tower with me for a while. Barton was a character, nice guy but more a work friend. He had the whole wife and kids situation going on. Natasha kept everything close to her chest. No one knew anything about her, but she knew everything about you. She’s a great friend. I don’t get to see her a lot always going somewhere for what was shield. Thor great guy too but we have a lot of differentiating opinions. He stayed at the tower once and awhile hanging with Bruce. Did you know those two were a thing? Didn’t hear it from me but then went off to Asgard. We haven’t heard from in a while. Thinking about neither from Bruce. Maybe I should retry and then do. Also.” Tony was spiraling. He was going off a tangent and couldn’t get himself to stop that was what his mind did.
“So, your biggest fear is seeing everyone you love die. Tony, you have to realize that you can’t control everything that happens.” “Yeah, I know but when Steve said you could have saved us, and he died in my arms.” Tony froze and could see Steve raising his shield over his head and slamming it down in his reactor. “He’s my friend. So, was I.” Tony whispered. He once again rubbed his chest. The ache never going away. “Why do you do that?” “Do what?” “Every time you say the name Steve you rub your chest where your heart is. Did you love him?” Tony was taken aback. Then he started laughing. “Love, this man left me dead in a Russian bunker just to save his friend who by the way killed my parents. So, no I don’t love him.” Therapist nodded and wrote some more down so to not to prob. “Do you feel betrayed that he left you in that bunker?” “Well yeah he left me there to die. I thought.” Tony’s voice began to shack. Promised no tears. “Have you been able to speak to Steve since this incident happened. Have you been able to have any closure?” Right after she asked that the damn cellphone Steve gave him went off. He pulled the phone out to just see a single message that read sorry, please call. “Clearly by the look on you face that means you have and that you have some feelings for him.” Tony put the phone away and stared at her. “Why would you say that?” “Well according to my notes, you grew up admiring Captain America. The first person you met in the Avengers was Steve. Steve has saved your life many times and vice versa. Here you even bring up you shared a bed at you buddy’s place don’t know why I needed to know that. In your vision you saw Steve die. Actually, you said there has been many of nights where there has been no contact with Steve, which lead you having nightmares of him dying. There’s been movie nights, vacations, he even lives in the tower with you. Then once you built the compound with his help, he moved. He gave you that cell phone so you could call him. If that ain’t love, then what is” Tony’s jaw was gaped open and horrified because for the first time in his life he learned that he did love Steve Rogers.
Tony put back on the mask he wore when he had first walked into the office and grabbed his jacket to leave. “I would say its been real doc and fun, but I wouldn’t say it’s been real fun. I got to go” He slipped on his yellow shaded glasses, through up a peace sign and he left.
Tony stood out on the sidewalk waiting for Happy to bring the car around. That lady didn’t know what she was talking about. She didn’t know him. He could never love Steve Rogers, Captain America himself. Captain America couldn’t love either, right. Right when Happy pulled up the damn phone buzzed again in his pocket. He pulled it out and it just said please. “Happy holed onto that until Monday for me okay.” “Um, okay sir but why” Tony looked out the window seeing his old tower that was in the final stages of being sold. Remembering all of the good times he had with the family that had abandon him. “Did you know I actually went to therapy today and it was a wonderful thing. Happy, do you have any plans tonight?” “No Tony I do not.” Tony looked back at Happy smiled because he realized he had his true family with him. “Do you want to watch a movie and eat all the junk food we can. Think Pepper and Rhodey would want to join?” Happy peeked in the rear view mirror and smiled because for the first time in a while he saw his best friend again. “Yeah, that would be wonderful Tony.” Tony laid back and took a deep breath because for the first time he felt like he could breath again.
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The Art of Deception
I’m here and back on my bullshit
(this was originally a vent and it turned into this? I apologise in advance)
Tony was confident. He was smooth and sly. Growing up with the press, he had learned at a very young age that he had people to impress. He was constantly in the spotlight. Constantly watched. The whole world was watching him. Every move; every word; every little thing he had done was known by everyone and able to be accessed by anyone. He was a celebrity; an icon that the whole world looked up to. He influenced society with what he said and did. He couldn’t take anything back. Once it was done, it was there forever. Never forgotten. Easily accessed.
Sometimes, he wished he had a normal life. Wished he didn’t feel like he had to live up to society’s standards. Wished the world wasn’t watching his life play out. Wished he wasn’t constantly judged for anything he did. He desperately wanted a life where he didn’t have to have the pressure of impressing everyone.
Tony’s father wasn’t great. In fact, he was a piece of shit. He didn’t love Tony. If he did, he was just shite at showing it. Tony only longed for his father’s love and support. He wanted a father to tell him that he was proud of him. As a child, Tony worked hard to show Howard that he was worth his time. To show that he was just as smart as him. But even with that, Howard still turned him away. He just wanted to be at least acknowledged by him. Was it just too much to ask? For a father to be loving and supportive? Maybe Howard wasn’t cut out to be a father. (Of course he wasn’t, he was a terrible father.)
Maybe that’s where the problems all started. With his father. Maybe if his father had been somewhat good at what he was supposed to do, he wouldn’t be overly self critical about himself. Maybe he wouldn’t think that everything he did wasn’t good enough.
The Tony the world knew was different to the real Tony. He wasn’t confident and self-assured. He was hurting. Constantly. He never felt like he was good enough. Was he good enough? Was anything he did good enough? Were his inventions good enough? No. That was always his answer. No.
And as life went on, it only became worse.
The Avengers. A group put together to protect the Earth. To make the world feel safe. A group of remarkable and skilled people that were able to bring hope and stability to the world. A group that were meant to be friends. In a sense, they were.
Tony cared for them; he really did. He showed that in his own way. He tinkered and built them their weapons. That was always the way he showed someone that they cared for them (with some exceptions). That was always the way he showed it. It was the only way he knew how to show it. It was a way to relieve his stress. Sometimes though, he felt like they didn’t care about him.
Maybe it was his terrible self-esteem, but he often felt like he was cast out from the group. Like he didn’t really belong there. Sure, he was part of the Avengers but he didn’t think he belonged there as a friend.
Ever since Afghanistan and becoming Iron Man, his mental health had deteriorated even quicker than before. Mixed with his depression and anxiety, there was PTSD. His mind was tainted with the memories of torture, the terrible surgery for his arc reactor and flying into that wormhole during the invasion. His dreams were replaced with nightmares that haunted his mind. That’s part of what caused the insomnia.
He never slept. He couldn’t sleep. Thoughts plagued him, whispering from the back of his mind. A mantra. Not good enough. Not good enough. Not good enough. He wished he was good enough.
As a superhero, you can’t save everyone. A fact that Tony was yet to accept. The guilt was always there. People he couldn’t save. All those innocent people that died because he couldn’t save them. He should’ve been able to save them. He should’ve saved them. They had friends. They had family. Why couldn’t he save them all?
The press was unforgiving. Always highlighting his faults and mistakes. Did that help him? Of course not. It only gave him another reason to keep on upgrading his suits and the Avengers’ weapons. He had to be able to save everyone. He needed his gear to be the best it could be. The whole world was relying on him; on the safety he brought to them.
Therapy kinda helped. But then again, he had never been the kind of person that would talk about his feelings. He was never allowed to. (Another fault of Howard Stark.) He was given medication. At times, it felt like it really did help him but at others, it felt like there was no point in taking them. The ups and downs of his mental health, he guessed.
He saw Pepper die. Well, she didn’t really die but he watched her fall. He thought she was dead. She should’ve been dead. If it weren’t for that damn Extremis that she was injected with, she would’ve died. He was thankful for that, but she shouldn’t have been kidnapped or injected with it in the first place. And that was his fault. He shouldn’t have let her get kidnapped. Now she had to have the memories of it.
The Avengers - his second family. And although he felt cast out at times, he enjoyed having them live with him. He enjoyed having their company and the shenanigans they got up to. It was never truly uneventful when they were there. Their family was dysfunctional, but he wouldn’t have had it any other way.
In his quest to keep the world as safe as possible, he created Ultron. In theory, his plan was great. A robot that would bring safety to Earth. A set of hands around the world; protecting the whole population from the inevitable alien attack. If only it didn’t completely backfire.
He didn’t expect Ultron to become evil. Nobody did. He just wanted another way to protect everyone. Apparently, that was just too much to ask.
Ultron was built to protect the Earth, but instead wanted to destroy it. His plan was to kill the entire population of the planet. All of the innocent people. Everyone.
That took a big toll on Tony. He was to blame. He created Ultron. Bruce was missing. He lost JARVIS and even though he now had Vision, he would never be the same. Anyone who died during that attack was on Tony. His fault, his fault, his fault. His mental health got worse.
As he was still yet to fulfil his quest of ensuring the safety of the entire Earth, Tony kept on working. Working on new suits. Working on new weapons. Anything and everything to make sure everyone was safe. ‘You can’t save everyone.’ Bullshit. Tony would make sure that everyone was safe. He could save everyone. He had to be able to. After all of the innocent people he couldn’t save, he had to make sure there wasn’t anymore.
But what happens when those weapons are used against him? The same weapons he gifted those he called family used against each other. They were meant to protect the world, not create what they called ‘the civil war.’
Betrayal. Betrayed by the people he cared for the most. He did a lot of things he regretted during that time. Blinded by rage and hurt, he became desperate to bring his family back together. He brought Peter into the fight. And even though he was definitely good enough to go into a fight like that, he was only a child. He didn’t have to be dragged into that.
Rhodey. Oh god, Rhodey. He was paralysed. And it was his fault. Was it really his fault? No. But did he still think it was? Yes. But still, he made sure that Rhodey has the best damn leg braces that he could build. He would make it so he could walk again.
Then, Siberia happened. Finding out the truth about the death of his parents, he couldn’t hold back anymore. He couldn’t. He wouldn’t. Learning that someone he completely trusted had lied to him for years, he felt utterly betrayed. And then he was left there to die.
He was alone. Again. He only had Pepper, Happy and Rhodey. And maybe Peter. Not that he meant to let Peter into his life like that, Peter just had a way of working his way into people's hearts.
He gave Peter the suit. It was so much better than his homemade suit anyway. Such a drastic improvement. He was able to track how well Peter was doing and if he had any injuries. He also gave Peter an AI for his suit. Peter named her Karen which he found quite cute.
That was until the ferry fiasco. He took away the suit. He had to take away the suit. It was to keep him safe. Peter couldn’t be responsible about having the suit. That would stop him, right? Wrong.
Tony thought about if it was the wrong decision to take the suit away from Peter. No. It was definitely the right decision. He wouldn’t get hurt. He didn’t need the suit. He needed to learn that he could be something without the suit. He couldn’t have known that taking away the suit wouldn’t stop Peter.
Peter, desperate to prove himself to Tony, went after Vulture on homecoming night. In the end, he didn’t know if he should have gone or not. Having a building dropped on you isn’t a great experience. But he saved the Avengers’ items and that’s what really mattered. To him, anyway.
Tony was absolutely devastated when he found out what really went down on that night. Peter still went out in his fucking pyjamas after Tony took the suit. He took away Peter’s layer of protection. And now he was dealing with the PTSD of having the damn warehouse collapse on him. That was his fault. Everything was his fault.
Even after Peter turned down the offer to be in the Avengers, they still stayed quite close. Peter was gifted the suit back and he visited the tower, which Tony decided to no longer sell, at least once a week.
Tony loved Peter. Hell, even Pepper loved Peter. Have you looked at him? That boy is literally a puppy. At that point, Peter was basically Tony’s son. And Tony was basically a helicopter parent. Howard didn’t completely fuck him up. He was able to take care of his totally not-son. Fuck you Howard.
Peter knew Tony; the real Tony. Despite what the kids at school said about his ‘Stark Internship’, he did actually know Tony Stark himself. And not the press Tony Stark™️, the real Tony Stark. He was one of the lucky few who knew what Tony was really like. Not like how the press portrayed him. He wouldn’t dare say it, but Tony was his father figure. (Honestly, both of them needed to fucking grow some balls and admit it; everyone knew that they were father and son.)
When Tony was with Peter, he finally felt like he was enough for someone. That someone being Peter. And really, to Peter, Tony was more than enough. He had looked up to Tony his entire life so now knowing him was kinda a mindfuck to Peter.
But even so, Tony still wanted to ensure safety to all the people of Earth. Then, he made Mark 50. A nanotech suit that he can get in an instant. Even though it was quite a pain to get the whole mechanism installed (and a pain to have in his body,) it was well worth it if it made sure that Earth could be protected.
It had been about a year since the ‘Civil War’. Still, no contact had been made between Tony and Steve. Tony didn’t really want to. Yes, he wanted his family back but could he really trust them all again? Would they betray his trust again? Steve lied to him for years. On something he had the right to know. Something he shouldn’t have found out about in Siberia. Forgivable? Probably not. He wasn’t mad at Bucky. He was never mad at Bucky. As much as he wanted to be, he couldn’t be. It wasn’t his fault that he was brainwashed and used by HYDRA. He was the weapon that HYDRA yielded. He was mad at the fact that the truth was hidden from him for years. Hidden from him by someone he put his complete trust in.
The Avengers were no longer a reliable option when it came to protecting the world. Nobody knew where they were. Did Team Cap ever think about the consequences on the civilians of the world? They only had a handful of people left that they could put their faith in to keep their world safe. They lived in fear of what could happen without them.
Infinity war. That’s what they called it. That was the inevitable invasion Tony always prepared for. What Tony had been thinking about ever since the invasion in New York. And another one was about to happen.
It seemed like a somewhat normal day. It was a normal day. It should’ve been a normal day. Why wasn’t it a normal day? Just him and Pepper in that park. That’s how it should’ve stayed. Fate works in weird ways and it’s not always the way that it should be.
Tony never thought he would ever actually have to go into space. And especially not with the kid. Peter was just meant to be help the little guys, not carry the whole weight of the world on his shoulders. Peter was a good kid. He already held grief and sadness yet still managed to keep a smile on his face at all times. He didn’t need to be corrupted by the demons and pain of the world. He didn’t need to see space as what it really was.
Oh, yeah and Thanos was a fucking demon of a purple space grape. He stabbed- wait no, impaled Tony. He had the audacity to do so after talking so highly about him. He stood there, waiting for the black to start coming into the corner of his eyes. He was waiting for death. He was going to have the death he always wanted. Dying while saving the world; dying in honour. And he was, until-
“Stop.”
Looking over, he saw Strange. Didn’t he say that he would protect the time stone even if it cost him his life? He wasn’t just going to give over the time stone. This wasn’t the way they would win, right? This couldn’t be the only way.
“It was the only way.”
Well, shit. This is not how he expected any of this to go. And now Thanos was gone. He was sat there, helpless. Not knowing what would come next. Thanos had surely gone to Earth. He didn’t have the mind stone - Vision was still out there, alive. All he could hope was that those that were defending Earth could do so. He prayed to a God he didn’t even believe in that it would all go well.
First it was Mantis. Then it was Drax. Then it was Quill. Then Strange.
“Mr Stark?”
God please no. Not him. Not Peter. The sweet innocent boy Tony had grown to love. He had so much to live for. He had so much potential. An amazing future waiting for him.
“I don’t feel so good.”
Falling into Tony’s arms, Peter clutched desperately onto him as he begged for his life. Too young; too pure. Slowly fading away. Grasping on to Tony for his dear life. This wasn’t the way it was meant to go. He was meant to be peaceful, not in pain. Not begging for his life. Not meant to be a child when he experienced death.
He dusted. Ripped from existence. Ripped from Tony’s grasp. Tony sat there and waited for it too. He waited for the dust to come from his fingers and take him away from existence. It was his turn.
But, it never came.
For the first time in years, he cried freely. He didn’t hold back. Tears rolled down his stained cheeks, mixing with the blood from the various wounds situated on his face. He tasted the dust and the blood. He tasted the tears. He tasted the pain. He tasted the loss.
He failed. He failed to protect the Earth. He failed to protect the universe. He failed to protect Peter. This was all his fault.
His fault. His fault. His fault. His fau….
- 🌻 (Pegs)
My AO3: oofandpeggy
#tony stark#irondad#irondad fanfic#irondad fic#Irondad and Spiderson#marvel#avengers#iw#im sorry#fanfic#some bullshit#angsty#i think?#Iron Man#spiderman#spider man: homecoming#im trying my best pls love me#Pegs
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Whatever It Takes Ch. 16/?
Summary: Peter’s struggling to cope after the loss of Mr. Stark. Everyone keeps telling him it’ll get better and that he needs to move on, but Peter doesn’t want to. He can’t envision a life without his mentor. So when an idea comes to him, he doesn’t hesitate, no matter how crazy it is. He’s going to get Mr. Stark back.
“What exactly are we going to do?” Ned asked.
“Whatever it takes.” Peter answered.
Read on AO3.
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Peter wouldn’t exactly call the week trapped in the lake house while being forced to talk to about his feelings every day, a good week. Sure, he got to spend a lot of time with Tony, but it was overshadowed by his bad mood about therapy. Talking about his emotions and digging up stuff he’d tried to bury, left him constantly drained and raw, and lacking his usual patience. He’d definitely snapped at Tony more than a couple times, something he never would’ve dreamed of doing before. Tony, to his credit, took it all in stride. He somehow seemed to have a sixth sense about when to push and when to give him space.
Right now he seemed to be giving him some space. Peter had finished his hour long session with Ruth this morning and instead of seeking Tony out, he’d gone straight to his room and thrown himself onto his bed. It’d been a particularly rough session. It was only his fifth time meeting with her, but her questions and their discussions had gotten progressively tougher throughout the week. He thought he’d at least get the weekend off to take a break, but at the end of their session he’d found out that Ruth was coming back tomorrow even though it was Saturday.
Between the continued nightmares, the exhausting mandatory therapy sessions and the weakness he felt every time he swallowed the antidepressant the psychiatrist had prescribed after meeting with him, which Tony and Bruce had needed to specially formulate for his metabolism, Peter just wanted a break from it all. He wanted a weekend to not have to analyze his actions or think about his stupid feelings. He shoved his head into his pillow and tried not to cry.
A rap of knuckles on his bedroom door came a short while later.
“Hey Pete.” Tony’s voice carried softly through the door. “Can I come in?”
“Yeah.” He said into his pillow, but loud enough for Tony to hear.
The door cracked open and Peter heard Tony walk over to his side and sit on the edge of the bed. He rested a hand on his back a second later.
“I just got done talking to Ruth. She told me you had kind of a hard time this morning.”
He shrugged. He didn’t trust his voice not to give him away if he tried to talk.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Tony asked, hand rubbing circles over his back. It just made him want to cry more.
He shook his head. He was so sick of talking.
“Ok. Is it all right if I sit with you?”
He nodded.
Another couple of minutes passed in silence.
“Are you sure you don’t want to talk?” Tony asked again.
He nodded.
“Can I talk?”
He nodded again, face still stubbornly smooshed into his pillow.
“Ok. So I have some good news and some bad news. What do you want to hear first?”
“Good news.” He mumbled.
“Pepper and I signed the paperwork for the new apartment in New York this morning, so we’re moving this weekend.” Tony said. That’d been fast. Peter had heard them discussing things throughout the week and Happy had kept him company when Tony had needed to leave a couple times to go to New York, but he hadn’t known they’d actually picked a place. Or that you could actually buy something and move in that quickly. Must be a perk of being a billionaire.
“You’re going to love it.” Tony said, and Peter could hear the smile in his voice. He was sure he would.
“What’s the bad news?” He asked.
Tony sighed. “Ruth thinks you should take one more week off of school.”
Peter pushed up off the pillow and gave Tony a look of utter betrayal. “No.”
“Pete—”
“No no no. I need to go back to school. I-I can’t keep doing this. I’m so tired of it. It’s not helping. I just want to get back to normal.” He pleaded. “I don’t want to do this anymore. PleaseTony.”
Tony pulled him against his chest as he shushed him. “Shh kid. It’s all right.”
Peter tried to hold back his small hiccupping sobs. “But I don’t want to. I don’t want to. Please. I want to go back to school.”
“I know, but it’s only one more week.”
“I can’t.” He shook his head. “I can’t. It’s not even helping.”
“Yes it is buddy. I know it might not feel like it right now, but it is.”
“No it’s not. It’s not. It’s making everything so much worse.” He denied frantically, but he knew Tony didn’t believe him.
“Shh. Take a breath for me.”
Peter managed to calm down somewhat. Once he had, Tony kissed the top of his head.
“I know it’s been hard but I’m proud of you.” Tony told him. “And I understand you want to go back to school, but Ruth thinks we should give it one more week.”
Before Peter could protest again, he added, “And I do too. This is hard and it’s stressful and trying to concentrate and do well in school while stirring up all this stuff isn’t setting yourself up for success, and that isn’t fair to you. Ok?”
Peter didn’t like it, but he sniffled and nodded. What Tony said was true. He really couldn’t imagine trying to pay attention in school while he felt like this.
“Good boy.” Tony mumbled and pressed a kiss against his hair. From anyone else that kind of phrase would’ve pissed him off, but Tony said it with such endearment that he couldn’t even muster annoyance.
He shut his eyes and held Tony. He just wanted to be back to normal and he didn’t understand why it was so hard to get there. Or why he had to suffer by dredging up things like his loss of the last five years along with things that seemed completely unrelated, but equally painful, like the loss of his parents and Ben’s death. But since he didn’t know how to voice all these thoughts to Tony, he could barely do it with the therapist, he just held him. And hoped things would start to get better.
“FRIDAY pull up my suit footage from the final battle with Thanos.” Tony instructed. Pepper, Morgan, and Peter were all asleep, but he hadn’t been able to achieve rest himself, so he’d gone down to the workshop and finally decided to do what he’d been putting off.
“FRIDAY.” He said again when nothing happened.
“Are you sure Boss?” She asked hesitantly.
“Yes. Pull it up.” He said even though he was anything but sure. There was a reason he hadn’t watched the recording of his own death. The idea of it made him anxious. Afterall, who would ever want to be glaringly confronted with their own mortality like that? And even though he knew he wasn’t dead, he was fine, Peter had prevented his death, another him hadn’t been so lucky. But if Peter was still struggling because of it then he owed it to him to view it, especially after what Ruth had shared with him that morning.
“Dr. Cohen is requesting to speak with you Boss.” FRIDAY said, interrupting his work on the hologram screen in front of him.
“Ok.” He frowned and stood. “Tell her I’ll be right there.”
It wasn’t an unusual request, but usually they touched base over brief phone conversations instead of face to face. He climbed up the stairs to the main floor above.
“Ruth.” He greeted Ruth as he walked into the living room. “You wanted to talk to me?”
“Yes. I’m sorry to bother you Mr. Stark.” She said while she finished putting her things away in her satchel.
“It’s no problem.”
“Before I left, I just wanted to let you know that this morning’s session was particularly hard on Peter today. We talked about his uncle’s death and…yours. You might want to check in on him.” Ruth advised.
Tony sucked in a breath. “Ok. I will.”
She nodded and started to walk out.
“Um before you go. One question.” Tony spoke up, wanting to ask something he’d been wondering about. “His nightmares? Have you two talked about them? He said they’re about my death.”
Ruth nodded. “We have. Your loss was very difficult for him. Understandably so. And I don’t pretend to comprehend how you’re back with us Mr. Stark, but what you have to understand is that what Peter witnessed was very traumatic. When viewed in the perspective of his past losses, it just makes it that much worse.”
Tony pulled his glasses off to rub at his suddenly aching eyes. Right. Peter had lost his parents, then he’d lost his uncle who was as good as a father to him, and then Tony. And Tony liked to think they had a sort of father-son relationship.
“He witnessed his uncle’s death.” Ruth added. “Did you know that?”
Tony snapped his head up, answer clear on his face. He hadn’t. He’d known Peter’s uncle had died, had been shot, and that was part of the motivation behind why the kid had done what he had with Spiderman, but he hadn’t known the details. Peter rarely mentioned Ben, and Tony had never pushed. He’d allowed the paucity of details surrounding the event, and Ben in general, since he’d known the loss was still too fresh and too painful for Peter.
“He watched his uncle die in front of him and then he had to go through a similar experience with you. Both deaths were very violent. Very gruesome. From what I’ve been told.” Ruth explained. “It’s no wonder he’s having a hard time. Having nightmares about it.”
“Jesus.” He stabbed at his eyes again, but for a different reason this time. He’d never meant to make his kid go through that. He’d give anything to take it back.
“I don’t…remember.” Tony said when he caught Ruth watching him expectantly. Even though she was on the Avengers payroll, he couldn’t explain how he’d gone from dead as a doornail to alive and standing in front of her. He could only imagine the kind of chaos that would erupt if the general public found out it was possible to go back in time and bring a dead loved one forward and essentially resurrect them.
“It’s…surprising to me that before me, he’d never talked to anyone about his uncle’s death, given how traumatic it was for him.” Ruth said. “Instead of dealing with it, he buried it deep down and distracted himself with Spiderman and somehow managed to continue on. Most people wouldn’t have been able to do that. He’s a very resilient kid.”
“He is.” Tony agreed. The kid was the strongest person he’d ever met and that was saying something since he personally knew all the Avengers.
“But a mind can only take so much before it can’t cope anymore.” Ruth said softly. “And I think your death was that point.”
“I never wanted to leave him.” He explained softly.
“I know.” Ruth said and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.
“I did all of it for him.”
That earned a quirk of Ruth’s lips.
“I mean I know I’m supposed to say I did it for the good of the world and everything, but…I didn’t. I did it for him.” He probably shouldn’t admit that but the words just flowed out.
“Understandable.” Ruth nodded. “He’s your son. And there’s no greater loss than the loss of a child. And you found a way to fix that.”
Tony sighed. “It was all for him, but now he’s…”
Ruth patted his shoulder to placatingly. “He’ll be ok.”
“How do you know?”
“Because he has you. And he has an aunt that loves him. And he has your wife and your daughter. And many others from what I hear. An entire support network of people that care about him.”
Tony nodded.
“That’s what he needs. For all of you to be there for him, supporting him. And time. He just needs some time to heal.”
“Ok. I can do that. We can do that.”
“I know.” Ruth graced him with a smile. “He’ll get through it and be all the better for it.”
“Thank you.” Tony said.
She gave him a nod. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Bye doc.” He said and watched her walk out.
He stood in the center of the living room, staring at the wall and gave himself exactly five minutes to deal with his own maelstrom of emotions before he got himself back under control and walked upstairs to be with his kid.
The words Ruth had used to describe his death, violent and gruesome, echoed in his mind as FRIDAY started projecting the scene of the final battle in front of him. He clenched his jaw and watched. He owed it to Peter to see what he’d seen, to be able to better understand what his kid was struggling with. And he owed it to Pepper and Rhodey and everyone else that had been there and suffered watching him die.
On the screen he watched as he fought with Thanos. He remembered this part. It was right before Peter had appeared out of nowhere and whisked him away to bring him forward in time. As he kept watching, he recognized the exact moment Peter had intervened. Everything after it was new. He had no memory of it. It hadn’t happened to him. To this him.
He watched with bated breath as he kept fighting Thanos. It wasn’t going well. The titan took out Steve and Thor and then Captain Marvel. All he could think was where was everyone else? Wanda? Strange? Anyoneelse that could’ve helped? But no one else showed up. And then it was only him and the ugly oversized grape.
He watched as he fell to the ground and caught Dr. Strange’s eye from across the battlefield. The man shakily raised a single finger. One. The one they win. And he knew what it meant, just like the other Tony on the video must have. It was up to him. He knew what he had to do.
He and Thanos fought viciously. Thanos finally got ahold of the gauntlet and Tony wrestled with it, but on the screen he appeared to lose as he was flung backward.
“I…am…inevitable.” The asshole spoke, voice sending shivers down Tony’s spine as he watched with wide eyes as Thanos snapped the gauntlet. But…nothing happened.
He frowned and then he was staring at himself as he revealed the stones he’d swiped from the gauntlet with his nanotech. He watched as he fell to his knees and threw his head back as the power coursed through him. The intensity of his eyes, the victory, the despair, made him clench his jaw tight. He wanted to look away, but he didn’t.
“And I…am…Ironman.” His voice said. Tony watched as he closed his eyes on the screen and snapped.
If he thought it was hard to watch that, the rest was worse.
After he’d somehow lowered himself to the ground, Rhodey got to him first. God. Rhodey. His best friend. And he was so hurt he couldn’t even speak. He sat against the rubble and stared, there but not really there. His entire right side including his face was darkened, charred from the force of wielding the stones. Snapping the gauntlet had hurt the Hulk, so of course it’d irreparably damaged him. Tony didn’t know why he hadn’t thought of that before. When he’d been told he’d snapped, he kind of assumed it’d been instant death. Or maybe there hadn’t even been a body to recover, but on the screen, he was still alive, but dying.
Peter was next. Peter. His kid. The devastation in his eyes as he tried to comfort him even as he cried, crushed his heart. Peter had lived this. And even though this series of events hadn’t come to pass now because of Peter, the memories of it hadn’t been erased from his kid’s head. Or Rhodey’s. Or Pepper’s. Anyone’s.
Pepper. She was last. A part of him was terribly glad he got to be with her at the end no matter how much it had probably hurt her.
She knelt down and whispered, “Hey.”
“Hey Pep.” He somehow managed to whisper back. It was right that his last word was her name.
She touched his chest. “FRIDAY?”
“Life functions critical.” FRIDAY reported sadly.
“Tony. Look at me.” She ordered. His eyes tried to follow the command, but he could tell he was fading fast.
“We’re going to be ok.” She reassured, looking so strong. “You can rest now.”
His head sagged to the side, and in the next few seconds he watched the light leave his own eyes as he let go and faded away. The recording didn’t stop when he died. He watched Pepper kiss his cheek and lose all her composure as she laid her head on his chest and sobbed. Behind her, Peter and Rhodey cried. And as everyone else, including the rest of the Avengers, came over and realized what happened, they each hit their knees one by one, grief apparent on all their faces.
“Off FRIDAY.” His voice came out so strangled it was incomprehensible. He swallowed down his all encompassing grief and ordered hoarsely, “Turn it off.”
The video screen blinked to black.
He’d died. And even though he’d saved the universe, he’d hurt so many people he loved by leaving them behind. He struggled to process it. He’d died…but at the same time he hadn’t. Because of Peter. His insanely amazing kid. He’d been given a second chance. He wasn’t going to waste it.
“Mr. Parker we need a decision on this now.” The man at the head of the table said, obviously frustrated with him.
“What?” Peter frowned. He sat on the opposite end of the long conference table. Both sides of it were filled with men in business suits, all staring at him.
“We need an answer on this.” The man stated and pointed to the PowerPoint slide on the screen projected behind him.
“Um…” Peter blinked and tried to squint to see the screen, but all the letters and figures on it were too blurry. “I can’t… I can’t read it.”
“Why don’t you try putting on your glasses.” A man to his right said, not very kindly, as he indicated a glasses case sitting on the table in front of Peter.
But he didn’t wear glasses. He hadn’t needed to since the spider bite. But then why couldn’t he see the screen a mere twenty feet away from him?
“Right.” He mumbled as he picked up the case and opened it. Instead of his usual dorky glasses, it held a pair of Tony’s tech glasses.
He shook his head. “These aren’t mine. These are Tony’s.”
The man to his right scoffed. “They’re yours now. Tony’s dead, kid. Or did you forget? I don’t see how you could have since he left you everything.”
Peter looked up in shock. He could read the board now even without the glasses. It was a Stark Industries proposal.
“Can you put the stupid glasses on so we can get an answer already Parker? Or just let us decide. That’d probably be for the best since you’ve been doing such a bang up job of running this company.” The man scowled.
“Yeah, right into the ground.” Another man mumbled.
“I-I-” Peter didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know what the question was or what decision he had to make. He could read the slide in front of him, but he couldn’t make any sense of it.
He abruptly stood from the cushioned rolling chair and glanced down. He was wearing a business suit just like everyone else in the room. They all stared at him, expectant but annoyed looks on their faces. Why was he here? He couldn’t do this. He turned and ran.
Their voices followed him out into the hallway.
“Where’s he going?”
“What the hell?”
“He’s no Tony Stark.”
That one hurt. No, he wasn’t. He knew he wasn’t. Why had Tony ever thought he could do this? Why had Tony left him? He sprinted down the hallway. He needed to get out. He needed to escape. He needed to find…Pepper, or May, or Happy, or someone to help him.
He turned to look behind him to see if anyone had followed him. No one had. But as he did, his feet somehow got tangled together and he crashed shoulder first onto the carpet.
When he opened his eyes, he wasn’t in the office anymore. He was lying curled up on his side on the dirt ground. Aliens and madness flew all around him. He held the gauntlet desperately close to his chest. He needed to get it somewhere. Or he was supposed to give it to someone? To-to Captain Marvel. But she wasn’t hovering above him like he’d been expecting her to be for some reason. Instead, Tony stood there in his Ironman armor, helmet retracted. Peter could see the line of blood trailing down the ride side of his face.
“Hey kid.” Tony said, tilting his head and giving him a soft smile.
“Hey.” He said back weakly.
“You got something for me?” Tony asked, giving a small nod toward the gauntlet in Peter’s arms.
But for some reason, Peter didn’t want to give it to him, which was crazy because he trusted Tony more than anyone. Especially when it came to stuff like this. Superhero stuff.
“Pete.” Tony said, voice still soft, and it was just the two of them even though it seemed like chaos was literally unfolding all around them. “Give me the gauntlet.”
He knew he shouldn’t give it Tony, but he couldn’t remember why, just that the very idea felt viscerally wrong. But this was Tony. Ironman. Peter wasn’t going to refuse him. He uncurled his arms from it and held it out.
Tony took it from him. “Good work kid. Now leave the rest to me.”
Tony took several steps back, but he didn’t run with the gauntlet like Peter had expected. Peter frowned and then watched in frozen horror as Tony placed it on his right hand.
“No!” Peter yelled and thrust an arm out toward him as if he could stop him by that alone. But it was already too late. The power of the stones coursed up Tony’s arm, igniting it in majestically terrible colors.
“It’s going to be ok kid.” Tony told him with a calm serenity.
“Don’t!” Peter screamed and tried to jump to his feet, but he couldn’t get up. It was like he was pinned to the ground. All his strength had left him. He could only watch as Tony closed his eyes and snapped his fingers.
His vision erupted in a flash of light. He tried to shield his eyes with his arms. When everything faded back to normal, Peter opened his eyes. Tony sat slumped on the ground a few feet away, his entire right sided burned and blackened, including the armor.
“No.” Peter whispered hoarsely. Even though he barely felt connected to his body, he managed to get to his hands and knees and crawl to his mentor.
“Tony.” He said, cupping a hand over the man’s unmarred left cheek. “Tony?”
But Tony didn’t respond, he just stared back at him, and Peter could mark the moment all the intelligence faded from his gaze.
“No.” He cried. “Tony please. Don’t go. Don’t leave me.”
Peter shook his shoulder but all it did was jostle him. His empty expression remained unchanged. It didn’t bring him back to life.
“No. Please.” He begged. “Please don’t leave me. Tony.”
“Pete!” Tony’s voice shattered the dream and brought him back awake. “Peter!”
Tony sat on the bed, hands shaking Peter’s shoulders.
“I’m right here.” Tony said, and Peter couldn’t quite catch up. Of course he was. He could see him.
“You were calling for me in your sleep.” Tony explained. Oh. He remembered.
“You-you left me.” He said through jerky breaths. He only meant to explain the nightmare, but saying it out loud brought with it an excess of hurt he’d been harboring. Because it was true. Tony had left him. He’d chosen to snap the gauntlet. He’d known what it would mean. Maybe in the moment he hadn’t thought about how he’d be leaving everyone that loved him behind, leaving Peter behind, but it had happened all the same.
“I’m sorry.” Tony whispered.
“You left me.” He sobbed. “You left me.”
“I know. I know. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Tony said as he pulled him into his arms.
Peter wrapped his arms around him in a tight hug as he tried to calm down.
“I didn’t want to leave you.” Tony whispered into his curls.
“How do you know? You didn’t— You weren’t the one who—” The one who snapped, Peter omitted.
“I know. Because I didn’t get a chance to do it before you saved me. But kid, I know there’s no way I’d ever willingly leave you. No matter what. Especially after I just got you back.”
Then why’d you do it? Peter wanted to ask, but this Tony hadn’t actually done it, so he couldn’t do anything except guess the answer, which Peter could do just as well. He’d done it because he’d had no other choice. Because everyone would’ve died otherwise. He’d sacrificed everything to save the universe. Because he was a hero.
Peter concentrated on the sound of Tony’s heartbeat under his ear and focused on the fact that Tony was warm, and breathing, and alive. After a couple minutes, his tears slowed to a halt.
“You-you left me your company. Why did you do that?” Peter asked because that part of the dream had bothered him almost as much. And it was a question this Tony could actually answer since he must’ve made the arrangements before the final battle with Thanos.
Tony pulled back so he could look down into his face as he asked, “Why do you think Pete?”
He shrugged. “Because you think I’m smart?”
Tony scoffed. “No. I know plenty of smart people. I wouldn’t leave them the majority of the shares in my company. And saying you’re smart is definitely an understatement.”
Tony pressed a kiss to the crown of his head.
“Then why?”
“Because you’re my kid.”
“Morgan’s more your kid.”
“No.” Tony said and shook his head. “I love you both the same.”
“Not to mention at the time she was four.” Tony kept talking as if he hadn’t just dropped a major bombshell on him. “And we don’t even know if she’s going to end up liking science. Or wanting to follow in my footsteps. But youkiddo. You’re the real deal. You’re like a shinier improved version of me. Better moral compass definitely.”
Peter twisted his face at that. He didn’t think that was true. Tony always saw himself in the worst possible way.
“Say Morgan had grown up and wanted to help run the company. What would you have done?” Tony asked.
“Let her, of course. What kind of question is that?”
“Just proving my point.” Tony said with a smile. “Why would I ever need to worry about Morgan with you at the helm? You’re the best person I know, and I know Captain America.”
Peter blushed and ducked his head.
“You’re just genuinely good. Even a little too good sometimes.” Tony paused to fondly brush back his hair before continuing, “You were the right choice Pete. The only choice. I’ve second guessed myself on almost everything I’ve done, but the one thing I’ve never second guessed is picking you. As Spiderman. As my intern. As my kid. As my successor.”
Peter’s eyes filled with tears.
“It was always going to be you.” Tony looked at him, eyes soft as he cupped Peter’s face in his hands. “It still is.”
Peter shocked eyes flew to Tony’s. “What?”
Tony grinned and let go of his face.
“How else are you going to put that MIT education that I’m paying for to good use?”
“What? Tony you’re not paying for—”
“And let’s just table that pointless little argument for later.” Tony interrupted. “So we don’t get sidetracked.”
Peter blinked and tried to refocus, although they’d definitely be revisiting the idea of Tony paying for his schooling. “You really want me to take over SI for you?”
“Well not now obviously. You’re only a kid. You’ve got to grow up first.” Tony tousled his hair with a smile.
“But I’m not you. I’m no Tony Stark.” Peter gave voice to the anxiety from his dream.
“No, you’re not,” Tony agreed before he declared, “You’re better.”
Peter shook his head. He didn’t agree. No one was better than Tony.
“But…what if-what if I’m not good enough?”
“You will be.”
“How do you know?”
“I just know,” Tony said and then added, “And you won’t be alone. Pepper will help you. And I’ll help you.”
Peter fell forward to wrap Tony in another hug. Tony returned the embrace and kissed the top of his head again before whispering, “You know I’ll always help you.”
“Please don’t leave me again.” Peter pleaded.
“I’m not going anywhere. Not if I can help it.”
“Promise?”
“I promise.”
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5 times Tony felt alone and the 1 time he didn't.
5 + 1 fic (or 5 times Tony felt alone and the 1 time he didn’t)
i
When Tony was four, he created his first circuit board. He was happy that he made something that could work so he went and showed it to Howard in hopes that the latter would be proud of him.
Get out, boy, I’m busy. Don’t come here showing me worthless things.
Maria said that Howard was just tired. He’s been out looking for Captain America. He’s busy running a conglomerate, creating new things for the future – contributing in order to help the world progress.
Jarvis said that maybe Master Stark was just not in the mood. You know how he is, young sir. Do not fret, there is always a next time. It was what he said before making Tony his favourite pasta partnered with apple juice which finally made him smile, again.
Tony held onto the next time over and over and over again until he realized that he will never be enough for Howard. He’s looking for something else – someone who he will never be greater than.
You will never be anything like Captain America was what he said.
ii
He doesn't know how many times he woke up with pain consuming his entire body. He doesn't know how many times he fainted from said pain. And when he was finally conscious, finally okay compared to the last few days he had, he saw that a car battery was attached to his body — his chest.
What did you do to me?
I saved your life.
He didn't expect to befriend Yinsen. He was a doctor, someone who save lives… very different to Tony's merchant of death. Yinsen has a family, he needs to get out of this damn cave. Both of them have to. Yinsen for his family and Tony to repent and become better.
So, you are a man who has everything and nothing?
Tony agreed to 'make’ the Jericho for the Ten Rings. He asked them for supplies and the first thing he did when he got those was to make his reactor. He needed something more stable. He can't keep carrying a car battery around especially if he's going to work. Also, a car battery attached to the thing keeping him alive is dangerous if they plan on dunking his head in water.
But the Ten Rings weren't stupid. They knew something was up. They tried to hurt Yinsen. I need him, great assistant. He was so scared but Stark men are made of iron. They don't break. The Ten Rings said that if he won't be able to deliver the next day, both of them will be dead.
I'm going to buy you some time.
He knew, then, that the chances of Yinsen surviving was even slimmer. But he had to be strong. He needed to be so he believed that his new friend will be safe. When the loading bar turned to a hundred, he schooled his face for the fight ahead and attacked.
This was always the plan, Stark. I'm going to see my family now. Don't waste your life.
He got out and was a different man.
iii
He was dying.
Isn't it ironic that thing keeping him alive is also the thing killing him?
After Afghanistan, after Obadiah, he thought he'll finally have a break. He thought that maybe, he will have peace but boy was he wrong. The world decided to kill him using his own tech.
Palladium on the chest? That's one way to die.
Tony was trying alright. He loked and looked but when JARVIS ran the scans, it's not a viable substitute for palladium. He was already a dead man walking. What will happen to him? What will happen to Stark Industries? What about Iron Man? He said he'll protect the world but it seems like he won't be able to do so.
That's when he had this idea, albeit, stupid. He answered the Stark Industries question by making Pepper the CEO. He knows she's more than capable of it. Tony figured if Pepper was able to put up with all the stunts he's constantly pulling and was able to deal with all his shit, she'll be able to run a fortune 500 company. Also, she's Pepper. No one will do better.
He asked himself, what about iron man? The government is already trying to take his property. They demand that it but turned over to the military. Rhodey's a liutenant colonel. Rhodey can pilot the suit, he has military training… he can be Iron Man once he's gone. Well, not Iron Man but another version. Yes, Rhodey can do it. He'll do it.
What would you do if this will be your last night?
I'll do everything and anything I want.
So, he did stupid things. He admits it, alright. He was a jerk to Rhodey and Pepper but in his defense, he's dying. He's entitled to do stupid things just for the sake of doing it.
What do you want from me?
No, what do you want from me?
He thought SHIELD was just some government agency handling government things. He never thought it's something more. He certainly didn't think his dad will be one of the founding members of the organization. They left him with things. They said he needs to figure it out. They said Howard said that he's the only person who can solve this thing that he left behind. Fury said that he should solve the riddle of his heart.
So, they left him in his partially destroyed mansion. He has to get to work.
iv
The Avengers were gone and he was back at the compound. A compound with only three avengers: himself, a sulking Vision, and a Rhodey undergoing physical therapy.
Rhodey said that it sucks but he's not regretting his decision. The Sokovia Accords fights for the right things but sometimes… it just sucks. Tony smiles (or at least, tries to) for Rhodey. He needs to be there for him, every step of the way. He needs to help his honeybear because he knows that Rhodey will do the same for him.
Delivery for Tony Stank!
He was annoyed but it made Rhodey laugh so Tony let it slide with an eyeroll.
Dear Tony.
And damn if that didn't hurt. He knew that it will be from St — Rogers. It was a shitty apology letter (can it even be called that?). He said that the avengers were Tony's more so than his but why does it feel otherwise? Every avenger who Tony formed a deep relationship with, who he thought of as family was with Rogers. Clint took his side; Natasha, who signed, left him and joined Rogers. Thor and Bruce were not here so they don't count. He isn't even sure if they would side with him.
He was back to where he started. With Rhodey and Pepper, the only difference from before was JARVIS. He's Vision, now.
He still doesn't understand. Rogers could have just told him. He would have reacted, sure, but at least, he would hear it from a friend. Sure, Tony was mad about what happened to his parents because he never got to say goodbye. The regrets of not being able to still haunts him. He knows this. He told him this. But he chose to hide it from him. Maybe that's what did it for him.
Don't bullshit me, Steve. Did you know?
Yes.
It was like Obadiah all over again. The betrayal from someone close stings more so than any physical pain they could ever make Tony feel.
If you need me, I'll be there.
He doesn't want to bank on it, anymore. He has to be prepared. He can't rely on the team of misfits.
Although, it doesn't stop him from carrying the phone wherever he goes.
v
Everyone's starting to turn to dust.
I'm sorry, Tony. There was no other way.
Tony shook his head, teeth clenched as he looked at Strange. Why would you do that? Why do you have to save me? Before shit went down the drain, he said that he will never give up the time stone to save Tony's life but he did and Thanos won.
Mr. Stark, please… I don't want to go.
He caught Peter in an embrace. The kid was looking at him — eyes wild with fear and hope that somehow, Tony will be able to save him. Peter hugged him. You're okay, kid. I got you. But Tony doesn't know what's happening. He was having a hard time breathing.
And if you die, I feel like that's on me.
Tony fell on the ground, kneeling while supporting Peter's back with his arm. He saw the kid swallow before looking straight to his eyes.
I'm sorry, Mr. Stark.
And then he faded.
Tony tried to hold on. He tried to get a hold of Peter but he already turned to ash. As Tony looked at the remnants of Peter, as the feeling of dust pass by his arm… he looked at it. He waited and waited but his body remained in tact.
Tony craddled his arm to his chest and cried. That was Peter. It was his kid. The source of life after all the shit he went through. And now, he's just gone. His kid is gone.
He did it. Thanos won.
+1
The Avengers are back.
It took one catastrophic event which resulted to half the universe dying for them to come back and forget their differences. Suddenly, the fight they had seemed petty. Suddenly, there was nothing to do but live up to their name. The only purpose they have now is to get back eveything they lost because of Thanos. Whatever it takes.
Tony looks at his old teammates. Everyone aged at least a decade. Natasha doesn't bother to maintain her poker face. Clint looks angry. Bruce was trying his best to think of different ways to restore what was lost because it's the only way he can cope. Thor, who was usually the jolly and talkative one, is now only speaking when needed to. And Steve… he looks so tired.
We all look straight out of the Breakfast Club. Capsicle and Point break has to get this. We spent that one week watching it on repeat.
Tony tried to joke but his voice came out raspy.
They all looked at him. Natasha's lips curled up to a barely noticeable smile. Clint bit his lip to prevent from doing so. Bruce was looking at him, greatfully. Thor shook his head before lightly patting his back and offering a small smile. And Steve gave him a hopeful look. He looked at Tony as if he was greatful that he's alive. As if Tony held the secrets of the world which Steve was trying to discover.
Bruce asked him what his plan was and everyone looked at him expectantly. He took a deep breath before looking at Steve.
Do you trust me?
He closed his eyes after realizing the gravity of what he asked. It's been years since they saw each other. They haven't talked about Siberia or the Accords… basically, everything they disagreed about. That's why, Tony thinks, it's okay for Steve to say no. There's still an unfinished business between them.
When opened it, again, Tony saw the way Steve was looking at him. He was giving Tony a look which speaks to his every being. It was hopeful, determined, and passionate. It was the unwavering look of Steve Rogers — the exact look he fall for.
I do.
Tony knew, then, that he won't be alone.
We'll do this… together.
#my fic#5 + 1#stevetony#avengers#clint barton#natasha romanoff#bruce banner#thor odinson#tony stark#steve rogers#kinda angst?#idk hahaha#tony stark needs a hug#tony stank#stevetony prompt
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OOC: It’s been a long long time
Hey everyone. I’m so sorry I have been gone so long. I only just now managed to watch the Flash finale too. Which, omfg, I think it was a good thing that I waited so long for watching it because it made me feel even more depressed
I can’t promise I’ll be here regularly again but I’ll definitely try.
Things aren’t going so well. The more I learned, the more I started to realize that I don’t have an identity. It’s hard to explain but it feels as if some parts of my development stopped during my early teenage years. As if I’m only now going through puberty. It’s also fucking frightening and sometimes it’s just way too much. I feel at war with myself almost constantly. I was always unsure about what I wanted in life but I didn’t think it was that deep. I always had to take into account what others wanted from me in order to not get punished or hated. And after I got out of that abusive situation, I focused everything on trying to get a college degree without even knowing if that is what I want. Now I still don’t know what I want or need. It’s all question marks. I’m even questioning my lack of interest for intercourse. Maybe that’s because of me not having fully matured yet? I don’t know. Even the decision to never have children of myself. Right now I still stand by that decision, but what if that mother instinct kicks in when I’ve fully matured? By then it could be too late. Those are things I’m wondering about.
I also get angry. That is the most frightening of all. I don’t know how to cope with that feeling. Sure in the past I could get annoyed, but it was never worse than that. Or it was sadness instead. But now I feel real anger and hate and idk. Maybe I foolishly thought I was just too nice a person to have that feeling. I don’t know what to do with myself when I feel that. I can’t yell or something like that. I hate yelling. I always cringe when someone raises their voice in an angry manner, even if it’s not directed at me. So I wouldn’t be able to do it myself. I can try to write things down but I don’t know if that really helps.
I also have a very strong feeling like I don’t belong on this world. Or at least, not in this society. Maybe it’s also still because I haven’t fully matured yet. But my thinking, my logic, it’s just so different from other people. And the way this world functions... it just doesn’t work for me. My group members have said that I’m refreshingly naive and even unworldly but that for my own sake, I need to broaden my world so that the naivety fades. But I don’t know if I want that very last straw of myself - that I can still hold onto - to fade away too.
Then there’s also the pain and emptiness I feel because of the past. Some part of me was broken and it doesn’t feel like it can be fixed. Sometimes that makes me feel really desperate. Those times it feels like things will never get better and that pain, that sorrow will keep returning my entire life. It makes you feel completely hopeless. The last time I felt that low, two weeks ago, I looked up information about ways to commit suicide. It’s never gotten that far before.
Afterwards, I was shocked of course. And the following quote also helped me to realize that and come to my senses again.
“Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.”
That really struck me. But I can’t say it’s entirely out of my mind now. It never is these days. There’s always the thought ‘I wish it could all end.’ Every single morning I think ‘Here we go again.’ Because the pain never seems to end. And it’s stupid things that can trigger it. When I see parents with their children, or hear my group members talking about their children. It aches. Every time I look at myself or fail at something, I can hear my step mother in my head mocking me. I’ve come to realize that the way I look at myself is the way she looked at me. My thoughts have molten together with hers during those 6 years. That’s what I also mean by having no identity. I can’t see myself because I look at myself through her eyes. And I don’t fucking know how to use my own eyes. That’s so damn frustrating. I KNOW all these things and can’t do fuck all about it.
Because of all that the therapeutic team has decided to let me stay longer. Normally my end date was 22 September but they can see I need longer. I need to come to terms though with the fact that all my problems can’t possibly be fixed in that time period. I need to give myself time. Something I have difficulty to accept because I’ve already given it 8 years time! When will it ever be enough? I’m just so tired of it sometimes. It’s exhausting.
I do my best with the therapies and all but it’s all theory. Easier said than done. Getting it into practice is what I’m still failing at. My fears too. Goddamn spider phobia. I was supposed to go home today. I did go home, and luckily my roommate decided to walk with me to come check my place to make me feel safer. Big fucking spider in my room of course. All that theory about how to deal with fears helped nothing in the face of danger. All the exposure exercises I already did... It changed nothing. I started panicking, crying, hyperventilating and cowering beneath my bed sheets while my roommate dealt with it. And I came back with her. I couldn’t stay there. Even though she killed it, there was no way I could have stayed there. I was soaking wet from the panic and looking red everywhere even an hour after.
5 months and nothing changed. I don’t think it’s strange I’m losing hope here.
I’m not going to fully go into what I thought of the Flash finale. Other than a few highlights. Maybe I can go in more detail another day.
MY BARRY BETTER BE BACK BECAUSE DJFLSDJFDKSFJK > < (I cried and sobbed and my roommate was shocked that a TV Show could have such an effect on me) and Savitar is a mean manipulative asshole! Goddamn it, I was totally buying him agreeing to getting help from team Flash. Barry and Iris were totally genuine about helping him! That was just so cruel! I was so so proud of Barry for taking the high road like that (inspired by Lenny omg!) I was like “Yes! That’s my baby!” and then that mean bastard! I sympathised with him! I was so ready to give him a second chance like Barry did because I BELIEVED him, and then he just went around and tried to kill everyone! (And screw him I was so digging the idea of Savitar wanting to change! If anyone ever wants to do something like that RP wise... hit me up ; ) or dark Savitar is fine too. I’m a sucker for Barry/Barry) And HR ; ; like, I knew someone had to die but... fuck. That precious cinnamon roll. And just BARRY! I can’t even. He needs to come back okay. MY Barry. I’m now afraid that he’s going to be very different when he comes out of the Speedforce. I heard on YouTube that Grant said he’s going to be evolved or something. I really hope that doesn’t mean Barry won’t be Barry anymore. Barry is my baby. I love him being someone who tries to see the good in people. I love how he’s still trying to find out what kind of hero he wants to be and how far he’ll go when it comes to justice. That he’s willing to give even the villains second chances! Even if it doesn’t always turn out right... Like with this goddamn bastard Savitar! But it’s that same characteristic that made Barry able to see the good in Len too. And actually inspired Len to be a hero! It’s also that which made Eo somewhat conflicted when it comes to our Barry. He still very much hated the Flash, the one he knew in the future, but he obviously cared about Barry and realized he was different. Even going as far as to say the reason why he hated him didn’t matter anymore. (Yeah, I still miss S1 Eo. I’ll always keep missing him.) And to end the whole Barry thing, anyone can say whatever they want about Barry, but I will defend my baby until the end of times. He did not deserve that. This can NOT be his finish line. Stupid Speed Force.No one should have to be in there. You know what else is frustrating? I still had a lot of questions regarding Savitar. Guess I will never see those answered then.
I also watched Gotham and wow that... I mean, some things were so cliché, the whole virus thing. (although evil Lee was HOT - I mean whut > > ) it made my eyes roll. But then BRUCE nearly killing Alfred because of the conditioning that Shaman or whatever he was did to him. BARBARA finally getting roasted. Quite literally too. But holy shit, by Tabby! That was a shock. Where did that ship go so wrong? I never really warmed up to Babs... she was way too over the top for me and not in a good way like Jerome or the Riddler are. She had her great moments, but overal she was just annoying to me. And her acting like she was better than Tabitha? Uhm no. I actually liked their relationship before she got such a massive ego. And I didn’t particularly like Butch but the way she constantly bossed both of them around was really obnoxious. Batcat completely got killed too. (let’s hope it doesn’t last) And Nygmobblepot... like... I love Oswald. I adore him. God knows I shouldn’t. There’s just something about him that always makes me feel sorry for him and root for him. He’s always kind of been the underdog. But what he did now, when you think of it, is fucking creepy. Kinda disturbingly excitingly dark too, because of the whole extremely possessive aspect about it. The ‘If I can’t have you, no one can.’ thing and also ‘you’ll be mine one way or another’ vibe of it all. I don’t buy that he doesn’t have any feelings other than hatred for Ed anymore. Maybe not love right now, but definitely lust. I see that as more plausible a reason than “I want you around as a constant reminder to never make that mistake again.” for keeping him as a trophy. If he felt nothing for Ed at all anymore, he would have killed him and mounted his head on the wall or something. But no, he made the very conscious choice of leaving a way open to bring him back. Ed’s frozen with Fries’ formula, not dead, technically. Also Os’ “I’m fine for now.” indicates there is still a lot he plans on saying to him later. Once he feels that Ed has been punished sufficiently. And in a weird way they’ll be even then. Whether Ed will see it that way remains to be seen of course. But come on, Ed, you’ve both done horrible things! Either way I believe that Oswald never intends to keep him as a frozen centerpiece for his club forever. The acting was once more superb. Robin Lord Taylor always keeps amazing me.
Okay, by now I’ve been writing this post for several days already ^^' oops. While I didn’t like the horrible feeling the Flash finale gave me because of what they did to Barry, I am glad I watched it so that I could finally come on here again. I missed you guys <3 Things won’t go back to the way they were - yet - but I’ll try to visit occasionally. I hope you’re all doing fine!
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